Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #220

Episode Date: March 13, 2015

This week on PKA, Chiz comes on the show and the guys have the craziest drinking episode in PKA history and cover some Patreon AMA questions!

and we're live pka episode one no 220 220 i was only close enough 100 or so go for a couple of years we have with us uh murka durka dr chiz fps mega duck and me now this is our drinking episode so uh yeah i've got my cluid cream me. What do we have here? Beers for Mirka. Beers for everyone except me, right? I have this strawberry ale. I had apple ale, but I dropped it on the concrete floor, so now I have strawberry ale, and I think we're all the better for it. All right.

Yeah, yeah. So I wasn't going to drink. I was supposed to be like MC of the event or something. I don't know. I saw the idea. Yeah, who came up with that idea? Is that your shadow account? We have to get to the average, right? Hey, guys don't know. I saw the idea. Yeah, who came up with that idea? Is that your shadow account? We have to get to the

average, right? Hey, guys, I know. Woody should really sit this one out. Well, we just want everyone to know that this special drinking episode of PKA is brought to you by Squarespace, the all-in-one platform that makes it fast and easy to create your own professional website, portfolio, or online store for a free trial and 10% off.

Visit squarespace.com and enter the offer code PKA at checkout. A better web starts with your website. I like these people a lot because they're so freaking cheap and they actually make good websites like that thing we saw they did for Jeff Bridges. The plans are like $8 a month and they come with a free domain name if you sign up for a year. And they have some level of DDoS protection built into it, which is huge. When you have your big day or when someone starts fussing at you,

then you'll be protected. Yeah, and that's especially probably good for our audience because I'm sure a lot of the people that are listening to us do things like live stream and they have their own little clicks. There's tons of people that listen to us with 5,000 subscribers. I see it in the comments a lot and so yeah if you want to protect like level of fame to how often you're attacked the gaming community is a total mismatch like it yeah if you have 5 000

subs you get attacked as much as justin bieber it's maybe messed up and we have another sponsor shall we do this absolutely all right yes we're gonna bring open to the goodness we thought that hope did such a good job on hey guys we would bring her uh yeah let's let's fix that okay is this better oh yeah hey Fix that. Okay, is this better? Oh, yeah. Hey.

Okay, so I'm going to read the Crunchyroll one. No time like the present, baby. Hey. Here's a special announcement for our viewers who are serious about anime. I'm hooking you up with the world's largest lineup of anime at Crunchyroll, free for 30 days. Just go to crunchyroll.com. Crunchyroll is created by fans of anime for fans of anime. It offers the newest

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with no ads on all your devices, iPhone, Android, tablet, or on your TV through Xbox, Apple TV, and more. That's crunchyroll.com.pka. Get signed up and started today. We recommend Attack on Titan. Tweet us suggestions. All right, Hope, so I've got to ask, out of all of the

ones you just named there, have you seen any of those? And do you have any favorites? What's your favorite anime? I can't say I've seen the ones listed. Okay, recommend for me. You've seen that I should watch. I've only seen two, like fully.

And that would be Free, which is the swimming one, which I totally loved and really recommend, and Clan Ad for when you need a good cry. You never need a good cry. You know that feeling, Kyle, when you just want to openly weep in front of your TV? I know exactly what you're talking about. Light a few candles, get a pint of some Ben and Jerry's. is just setting. I know exactly what you're talking about. Hey, this is an amazing show,

but it is very, very sad and made me weep like a baby. It's very sad. Oh, Kyle, you're gonna make me start. That was good. Good job, bro. That was a great read. So, look, if

you guys catch this, let us know who did the better read. Who wore better, Hope or Kyle? I give Kyle a 7.6, Hope an 8.1, just because I want you to keep looking up. One of them's getting fired. Who will be here next week? Well, if it's another drinking episode, I don't think I'm legally eligible. But you did great, Hope. Thank you.

Frenchville is great. We were one of their number one sponsors for last year, so let's get back on that list, guys. So go sign up, check it out. You know, it's not your thing. So be it, but definitely give it a shot. I know we never watched anime. We checked out Attack on Titan, and that was kind of our forte. We're going to find something

else to watch sometimes. If you do like anime, seriously, get Crunchyroll.com slash PKA. You'll get a free month. It's already cheap, and there is no one who does it better than Crunchyroll. That's it. That's top of the line. No, it's not time to freeze

the apple yet, Kyle. I don't know if it's going to freeze or blow it up. You're gonna blow your load this soon. What are we, like, five minutes into the show? You're like, I gotta freeze the fucking apple. I've got more than that. Come on. How many cans of CO2 do you have?

I've got two. Fair enough then. You're gonna blow half your load five minutes in? All right, so drinking game rules? That's what I was gonna go to, yes. Okay, yeah. I'm pouring out some hard liquor for shots. Aw, now that just seems excessive. No. I don't have any hard liquor. That. Oh that now that just seems excessive now I don't have any hard liquor. It's fine. Yeah, I mean it's fine

Fine, I just have but if I'm gonna do something I'm gonna do it right okay Let's just go on all the way. Let's let's I really hope it gets so drunk that he like goes after Taylor And like there starts talking a lot of shit. You should have that fucking job I'd be there with bells on and starts talking a lot of shit, you should have that fucking job. I'd be there with bells on. Explain yourself in that eyebrow. Why do you wear it like that? God damn you.

I deserve every word of it. So if I get an actor or an actress's name wrong, that's a drink. If I tell a story again, yeah, any name wrong. If I repeat a story or tell a story in fast forward, that's a drink if i tell a story again yeah any name wrong if i repeat a story or tell a story and fast forward that's a drink if kyle or anyone gets up from their chair that's a drink i really gotta pee already good um shocks what else should oh there's every time a very carte blanche approach to it oh every time chis lights a cigarette, everybody drinks. But he takes two because it's bad for him.

And every hour, I'm keeping a timer right now, and so at the end of every hour, you have to finish your drink just to keep everybody at about the same level. And then if someone does something that you think should be a rule but we haven't thought of it until then, you can say drink, but then

you have to defend your carte blanche rule accusation. Every time we see Taylor's girlfriend, we definitely take a... We finish our drink and we see Taylor's girlfriend. If any stranger comes into anyone's frame, you take a drink. Yes, I like that. Well, hopefully not strangers. Well, any ungodly person to us.

Just vagabonds wandering through our homes. Keep drinking! Hey, the door's open. Don Don't mind me just pass it through I have a bad joke to kick off the drinking Alright What did the fat lady say to the fat man? Tell us Thanks for the tip

Oh Well I'll just drink to that one. I've been really enjoying Fat People Hate over on Reddit. I think we should go there and take a look later. Once your inhibitions have loosened up a bit and you're free to go after the fatties, we should go there then. Dude, did you see that fat guy with the small penis?

Mm-hmm. No. Really? Yeah. Well, you're in luck because I happen to have the link I can't share it it's too naughty it is a guy's penis I'm just where are his balls is that like a background of this why do people care about this you look at the picture I don't have god Woo! There's a... Aw, that's not real! Oh, come on! That's not real! That's real?

That's real! Looks like it was baked into a loaf of bread. It's like a bit of that shine. It's like there's a penis coming out of a gross butthole. It's like in any... That's like some dude's belly button. It's as if it's not a penis, it's just a big pimple or something. He has to clear lint out of his penis trap hole.

It's like that thing from the Sarklon or whatever pit in Star Wars. Where are his balls? If I squeeze his fupa, does the penis pop out? Let me ask you, is all of this under the bottom, is that his sack and it's just kind of morphed into his fat? Judging by the color of the

bottom, like the lower fupa area. Yeah, the color and the hair. I'm saying that's a scrotum that's a scrotum combined with fupa or gunt i prefer gunt um and given that this man's penis looks like a pussy it's more appropriate cunt and a gut oh combined yeah yeah um this is all you should kill yourself this is really bad and it i i gotta say i bet he had like some sort of micro penis before he got incredibly fat and but how much fat does it take to make your balls just morph into your fat you know it's a reddit picture like i've seen two dicks on a guy before i mean if you kick him in the ball everybody

looks the same so here's the thing i get that this guy that this guy has a double whammy of a small penis and a big gunt or fupa. But how representative is this of the morbidly obese? I don't think so. If it could be, you don't have very many pictures to draw upon. It could be. You don't have very many pictures to draw upon. So, Roseanne Barr and Tom Arnold used to be married for some period of time, and they both lost

weight together. And they were saying that sex got so much better as they lost weight. And they're like, think about it. There was an entire person between us that's now gone. Because collectively, they lost 140 pounds. And it just makes me... you know what?

I need more fat people penises. I need a larger sample size to know. Like of all the cocks I've seen, it's mostly been in sports settings. And I'm looking for – I'll let you go on that witch hunt. You need sumo wrestler cock because that's not just fat. That's morbidly obese. Just go to the related subreddits

of fat people hey and there's probably one that'll serve these needs well um well i'm googling morbidly obese fat micro penis just morbidly obese penis oh goodness some of these things links have already been clicked they're're all purple, aren't they? They're all purple. Maddeningly scrolling through. Nothing new here. Interesting. I'm trying not to... A lot of these testicles are really large.

Well, I mean, this man has not. Yeah, you can see them in the reflection of your TV over there what the fuck I'm fucking with you a little bit like is that a thing like

go ahead and do a google search for morbidly obese penis and you'll see a bunch of what to me are extra large scrotums and such I'm not getting all the penis pics I had hoped for I got it

probably to get another drink I just realized I'm going to be in the same predicament I'm going to let you guys storm the beach on this research. I'll hold back, analyze what you got. I had to get another drink. I know, I'm in the same boat. I didn't think about that before. Yeah, I really should have peed just now.

Yeah, now you've just doubled down. Doubled down, absolutely. Oh, another podcast i'd never heard of it before but the production value was high they did a story on swatting and the start of it was totally about me they interviewed the apex swat department which is the town i live in for now anyway and um it was neat i got to hear the swat story told from their side right so um to tell my side and fast forward this isn't gonna go well tonight um because i want to cover some of the discrepancies on my side basically they they hid in the yard for 90 minutes or something uh they saw like someone get up go to the bathroom um they said that wasn't

typical hostage behavior and they kind of knew it was a prank before things got started etc and um uh when they knocked on the door i came down with a shotgun or i think it was actually a pistol but whatever it was and um i don't remember but i came down the door with a gun and they told me to put it down and whatever when they told the story they didn't know it was a prank when they knocked on the door they had no idea they said that this thing seemed urgent to them and they were going into that thinking that they were probably going to kill someone tonight like that was their mindset and uh and they were just you know it was it was urgent we were there we cased the place or whatever and and um in their headspace it was all like you know like this is a big event and tonight's a night that you're probably going to kill someone that's

what they said in in their podcast and and they did they interviewed like some detective from the uh from the local police department you know that was at the swat he was there that night and um uh what turned it all around is when they told me to put the gun down i did and according to their side of the story in my head i asked them who they were before I put it down. But anyway, and that's when everything changed. They're like, huh? And then they said I looked really confused. And my wife was there, still alive, also looking really confused.

The kids were asleep in bed, which they didn't know, but they soon found out. And basically, they just didn't walk in on the scene they expected to at all and it was like wow dude so like they i didn't when they talked to me they were like yeah someone went up went to the bathroom went back to bed that wasn't typical hostage behavior so we you know we kind of knew it was fake all along when they did the podcast interview they were like we were we were fully prepared to kill somebody they almost killed killed me. Yeah, that would have been bad. Yeah, and swatting was new. I didn't

really know about swatting. I think you popped the cherry for it. It had happened to one other guy before me. I guess I didn't even put two and two together. We had both experienced the same thing. Now swatting is so prevalent that like everyone sort of knows what's going on at the start etc you made

it mainstream you were into it before it was cool that's right yeah i'm kind of a hipster swat victim but um but yeah so i had no idea as a matter of fact i didn't even associate it with my youtube channel until my whole family and i were sitting out on the curb in our pajamas kind of you know like ah I bet you know it was a fan you know because we were just confused about the whole thing and that's how it went down I forget were you getting pizzas before that and then they like escalated to swatting yeah yeah I mean there was a time when I was getting like pizzas was kind of the most common thing but they were sending cabs to my house, Chinese food to my house, like, all kinds of stuff. I can't think of anything else off the top of my head. Of course, the SWAT team to my house.

Even now, if someone SWATs me, the police just call ahead, you know, like, Yo, Woody, everything all right there? Yeah. It's easier to phone call than waste all that money and resources. One of these days, though, Woody's going to fucking snap. He's easier to phone call than waste all that money and resources. One of these days, though, Woody's gonna fucking snap! The whole family's gone. He's next door with a chainsaw

just cutting people in half. Blood all over him. They get a phone call. Woody's getting the tag guys! He's lost! He's got a fucking chainsaw in the back! And they're just like, those fucking kids, man. He's got a FUCKING CHAINSAW in the back! Just EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE the stream yeah pay no attention to the chainsaw that's a big whacker go back to bed i'm doing yard work on stream it's okay calm down yeah it's just just know that you see that's the only thing

you're gonna lose really when you move into your new home somewhere i think it's next year right it's 2016 2017 maybe i don't know next b Bison, Tricentennial. It's whatever like hopefully and you'll be in. All the kids have left. You know. It's um. I feel so bad for whoever gets that house. I used to tell jokes

about Jamal and whatever. It's gotten a little more serious. Like I don't want to take our problems and put them on the internet anymore and such. But there is some bright news. Like they started painting today which is it's kind of a milestone that means that other things have been lined up a bunch of the doors that were awful have been fixed and um you know we went over all the contracts and everything and made sure that the pricing was appropriate and um it really what happened is the construction company got overwhelmed they started you know they

got into a place they never should have been and they basically just staffed up on project management they hired some new guys they're on site all day making sure things are good they got rid of the bad finished carpenter and brought in a good one who's crazy expensive but it's not my money you know it basically is coming out of his profit margins or I guess loss possibly. And they're just making it all right, it appears. I don't know if there's a show like My Bad Contractor or whatever on Spike, I think,

where they have bad contractors come in and they do work, they fuck it up, don't do it right. And then they bring them back and do a sting operation operation on them you should totally have that here at your house because these are the worst people ever yeah you're breaking up a little bit your audio is for me your video turned off and and yeah so that's the thing i think it'll get better um there's one door it's hope's bedroom door i like so jamal comes in he fucks it up it's awful well okay better yet fast forward we bought the house it's fine the only problem with the door is it was hollow core and every other door in the house is like solid wood so we're like all right you know

raise it to the standard of the rest of the house and we're good so what team's gonna have a hard time getting in there yeah exactly no actually not and i'll get to that in a second they don't have a lock on it i'm like this is a teenager's bedroom a second they don't have a lock on it i'm like this is a teenager's bedroom door and you don't have a lock on it i'm like come on danny think back to when you were a teenager you need a lock don't you and he's like all right i get what you're saying i've never understood like i see that in movies sometimes and like tv shows and stuff i'm like you don't have a fucking lock like i promise you 13 year old me if i didn't have a lock would be like i'm gonna go get me a lock like next time we're at walmart i'm gonna be like look a lock

i'll take this it's 12 it's absurd that you wouldn't have a lock on your bedroom door like even just changing like not necessarily like masturbation or sex or something uh ridiculous but you know sometimes what do you want to get importantly masturbation and sex i don't know how people get caught. Like, can't you hear the parent coming down the hallway? Are you like... You never got tunnel vision as a kid? No. First time you find a...

I have self-awareness. I'm a masturbating... What's an animal that hears really well? I have another bad joke. Oh, Chiz started a cigarette, by the way. Oh. And two drinks is a new rule. Anytime I catch Ch is wearing an awful

hat we all have to drink damn what he's already out you better text for another drink i will in terms of the bad bad joke what's the most sensitive part of a man while he's masturbating his hearing i was gonna say ears that's not yeah saying well i was gonna say ears yeah see well I was gonna say ears yeah I never had it just seemed weird like if I was if I was masturbating and I heard someone coming and I thought you know I was I was ready to put everything away and you know just be under the covers playing a video game or something you know I don't know it's never I don't understand how people get caught well how are you loud enough to get caught anyway Like you're masturbating

They walk in and see you I think that's how most people Yeah they barge in on the thing That's the idea Some kids don't have locks I think everyone's supposed to have locks on a bedroom Bedrooms and bathrooms have locks I think my guest bedroom does not have a lock

I'm gonna fix that tomorrow That's absurd When I was jerking off in there I was really scared I think my guest bedroom does not have a lock. I'm going to fix that tomorrow. That's absurd. I was jerking off in there. I was really scared. The thing about that, Wings was in there jerking into that sock with no lock on the door. He didn't give a fuck. He also peed with the door open, so you know he gave it to us.

That blew my mind. When I saw the layout of your house, I was like, Kitty's room is right there. And the living room is there, and the is there door here here's the bathroom door i'm you're looking at it and then here's kitty's door you walk in that way and they're like side by side with a little cupboard between and the kitchen is the living room and kitchen kitchen looks right at that door as well he's in there pissing with the door open. It was absurd. And he was shocked when we brought it up.

He was like, we'll be all uptight. He's not going to put on airs just to live with you, Kyle. Put on airs of closing the bathroom door. You fancy door closing people.

Pinkies up. Pinkies up while i'm pissing a truck he's up while you even while you're pissing while you hold it can't see into the bathroom from like the kitchen or somewhere it that that piss hitting the water stone still gurgles and resonates all throughout the home and nobody wants to hear there's a door there right and the other thing like shit in there he pissed right into the middle of the bowl too because like i'll always pee on the side just out of courtesy to everyone else i'll pee on the side quieter it's nicer it's silent urination i'm torn on that right i was a side peer for many many years but you know sometimes these you're reducing your element of um like your your target area you're right right you're you're um margin of error that's what i'm looking for your margin of error is smaller if you're aiming at the side already

maybe you're starting water and then once you've got like you know once you see what you're working with you work your way to the sides i could see that i can just picture woody's old shaking hands trying to hold his dick pointed to the side. I'm just not what I used to be in here anymore. Don't awake the children. I need to pee on the side of the toilet. Woody's a Jewish person apparently. Well, when he wakes up at 3 in the morning, everybody's a little bit of a Jewish person.

You're groggy. You can't talk right. So I used to aim at the side and then then I was like am I being like like somehow This sounds awful to say but in my internal dialogue Cowardly right should I not just be like loud and proud you know when I by the way I don't want to point this out, but Jack is coming twice cutting him off. I'll just start We have to take drinks every time something in the bottle We can't cut it off. It's a four-hour show. Drink it slow. It's mostly ice. We have to take drinks every time something happens.

Bring him the bottle. He's not trying to strengthen his bones for four hours. Hey, use the milk. Alright, alright. Hang on. I have a few questions here. First of all, as we've already pointed out, that half and half in that refrigerator is A, family half and half,

and B, totally business half and half in that refrigerator is, A, family half and half, and B, totally business half and half as well. Okay? Woody's a big part of his family, and he needs that half and half for his drinks tonight. And I don't understand, pardon me, but why you can't put some milk in your coffee in the morning, because that's how I drink mine every morning. Oh, that's how you drink your coffee. I know. And how did it become family half and half because it's for the refrigerator name really colin he every morning he wants a cup of joe

if he asks for a bit half and half i'm sure if he says please i don't see a reason what kind of mother are you yes i do make colin drink his coffee black? Yes, I do make Colin drink his coffee black every morning. It's my half and half. Make him use that awful powdered creamer. Why can't Woody have milk in his Kahlua? He can certainly have milk in his Kahlua.

I texted that! He can have heavy cream. I said use milk. I said new drink please. I said new drink please. She said water. It's not the water show! I can put heavy cream in his I said new drink please. Do you know how much milk I have? I said new drink please. She said water. I'm like, milk? To make his mixed drinks? It's not the water show.

I can put heavy cream in his cologne and cream. Look, exactly. There's options. We're not cutting him off at like 20 minutes though. Wait, wait. He's a lightweight. I know. That's true.

Yeah. I don't drink either. And I'm the only one to get him drunk. Really. Because then I can have my wicked way with him. Oh. That's so sweet. I don't think you need to get him drunk really because then I can have my wicked way with oh I'll do it for a pack of fries. I thought a date meant that you could just take her to McDonald's or something Oh, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, that's what you just said I have I have a a Makes sense yeah, that's what you just said

I have I have a a Red's strawberry ale here and It's quite tasty actually. I'm enjoying it yours stronger than his We don't know More much Kahlua you're putting in though. Mostly Kahlua. Is it really? He is strengthening his bones more than he is getting drunk. See, you know, it's mostly Kahlua. Is it really? It's a lot of Kahlua.

It's more Kahlua than I normally get. That's because you're being cheap with the half and half. I want a very small container. Listen, I'll get my husband shit-faced, but I'm not sharing my half and half. Oh, come on! You love coffee? Yeah, and I used to use half and half, but I would share if someone wanted it. I wouldn't say, fuck you, this is my half and half. And I mean, it's only 9.30.

I don't know what you're talking about. Wait, how much half and half is in is in your carton? Anyway, is it this much cuz then we all right this much All right. Well, then we'll use milk from this point forward say Heavy cream. Yeah, this makes milk. He won't know the difference heavy cream. That sounds off. I know I Don't know Heavy cream sounds terrible. That sounds horrible. You're going to throw that shit up. It's the same thing.

It's milk. I have a question for everyone. How does everyone take their coffee? I put like four artificial sweeteners in there and some milk. Light and sweet, I think. Is that how I take it? You do take it very sweet.

I used to take it three quarters coffee one quarter half and half two Splenda but since a year ago I just drink it black that's very precise oh I had it down to a system if you drink for like 15 years straight you've got a system okay how many cups of coffee

do you drink a day cheers between 7 and 10 between 7 and 10 How many cups of coffee do you drink a day, Chiz? Between 7 and 10. Between 7 and 10. Actual cup measurements, because of the Keurig. On your Keurig, do you press the small, medium, or large? Mine has two, so I've got a teacup and an 8-ounce cup, so I drink the 8-ounce cup. Okay, that makes sense. Okay.

Okay. So I have it, and I pressed the larger one. And I drank two to three of those. I don't really like coffee. So I just drink it flat. I probably have a coffee a week. Maybe. I think if you got some really...

I didn't used to like coffee because all I'd ever had was Folgers. And then with the Keurig, I started getting all these fancy coffees and these dark roasts and these French roasts and stuff. And I really like Folgers. And then with the Keurig, I started getting all these fancy coffees and these dark roasts and these French roasts and stuff. And I really like coffee now. My coffee tastes... Aren't you paying like 50 bucks

for a half pound of coffee? Because you can just buy them in the little cups. I have no idea how much I spend on coffee. That's a track of that sort of thing. All I know is that Kitty drinks a lot of fucking coffee and it just keeps going up. All right? So it comes from Amazon.

You don't even have to keep reordering. It just shows up, and there's a big bowl full of K-Cups. And I just dig in the bowl and find one that sounds good, and I've got nice coffee. So Keurig is one of the most hated companies around now. They've got DRM cups now. That's why. Between the DRM pollution. Yeah, there's two issues. She's called out one.

Apparently, other people were making cups so anyone could make coffee that worked in their machines, but they wanted to own the cup market. Just like Gillette owns the razors that go for their sticks. I don't know what to call it. They wanted to own all the refillable cups, so they put DRM

on it. It's not hard to get past it. You just cut the DRM and tape it onto your coffee maker. Yeah. But that's the reason people hate them. And the other reason is millions and millions of these little K-cups are filling landfills. Enough to circle the world ten times, I think. I read that one in every three American homes has a Keurig in it say it again maybe it's three times three to say ten it's a lot of tense yeah I think it's ten references about this long so yeah it's

it's but it's delicious I love it I don't care of what they do requirement or or I don't care if they've got child slave labor i don't care if that's child blood i'm drinking a drip coffee machine is so primitive and caveman like now and it's not the same he makes it hot and then it just sits there it's almost like a star trek replicator it's so cool i i love the idea i want all things to be like that in the future you put like a bowl of cereal in a K-cup machine and it pops out with milk in it. You've got a K-cup with soup and you've got the dehydrated fruit vegetable bits. They have that.

They're awesome, but they suck really bad. They're terrible. You don't mean they're not with milk in it. They've got to do a better job. You could buy individual cereals. She's talking about the ones they have at hotels and such, right? Yeah. Yeah.

And you can buy, like, the variety pack because I'm, like, a 29-year-old child, so I get that big variety pack. I like the Froot Loops and the Apple Jacks and shit. I'm like, yeah, pops today! Makeups are great. Carrots are great. Best gift ever.

Can't say what I'm thinking. Good. All right, so I'm thinking. Good. Alright, so I'm sorry, but I have to pee so goddamn bad, so I'll be back in a minute. He has like a child's bladder, doesn't he? I'm drinking a gallon and a half of water a day! I think you're more of a small girl. No, no, no, let's be totally real here. Everyone here is normal, except fucking Woody. He has the bladder of an Olympic champion.

The man will go hours, days even, without urinating. It's insane. We can drive in the car up to New Jersey and not stop. Then it's genetic, obviously. It is genetic. Because that's impressive. Kyle would have to stop every 20 minutes. I swear.

It's an excellent trait to pass on. A kitten bladder. Right. Great family on road trips. Never have to worry about us. We're going cross country. every 20 minutes I swear excellent trait to pass on a kitten blood right great family on road trips we're going across the country we're gonna make excellent kids you got a drink this pile got up yeah yeah dude dogs entering the room count as strangers well it is now we'll give them a pass they just I never got to show what I was drinking this drinking I have no idea what that is

You don't even know what it is Is that what it is? Tequila barrel staves? Yeah, it's blended with beer aged on tequila barrel staves I guess I don't know what that means You don't like tequila?

People like it? It's in the margarita You like margaritas's in the margarita. That's what's in your margarita. You like margaritas. I do like margaritas. It's not whiskey. I don't think he would like straight tequila, though. Yeah, but he likes the flavoring of the margarita.

He doesn't like straight. I try to ignore the tequila part. He would like virgin margaritas. Yeah, that'd be best. What is his ranking? Beer? I've got Corona and Jack Daniels jack daniels see you got hard stuff honey the liqueur i've got no i've got jack daniels and i've got yeah i've got lua and milk you're

as hard as they come woody i'm terrible at drinking i sit here like just filled with self-doubt over whether or not i'm pretending or not i remember a long time ago we were on a paintball trip and i did a podcast with a shoe on my head, but I was like I'm really not drunk. I'm just feeling a little zany. That's a good line. I'm not drunk. I'm just feeling a little zany on the road.

I'm going to make you the really big chocolate milk and just put Kahlua in it. That sounds awesome. A lot of dairy products. A lot of dairy products mixed with alcohol. It's a good combination. Do we? Yeah. Our milk is incredibly good.

We have the last milk. We have a legit milkman who delivers it in glass bottles. Is that service going to go away when you move? No. They serve Raleigh too. What's one of the nice things about Raleigh? I guess I knew we were near the city, but only recently. I don don't really know where anything is all i do is sit at home and work and like we have to like get stuff or whatever and it's like wow there really is a lot of stuff right you got

all those around the corner i i just bought 22 pairs of socks or something like that my feet were hot and i was like motherfucker. I can't live like this Just went to town bought socks for weeks. How dare you splurge on socks like that? Yeah Maybe it was 18 pairs of socks. Yeah No, no 24 pairs of socks really yeah, I finish stop that story about like it just gets better Comments in the the comments section how many socks you think Woody should have gotten. Was it enough or not enough? Better question. Better, what cut are they?

He didn't say. Guess in the comment. Are they long tube socks? Are they short ankle socks? Are they colorful? I apologize. Gotta cut you off. You're wearing a dumb hat again. Everybody drink. Alright, everybody was shot for the fucked up eyebrow kid because we feel bad for him this one goes out to you genetic defects i hope they get more belligerent all night long i'm a nice person i'm very lovable when i have a call taylor i feel like he's the opposite

you have to drink by the way kyle because you bailed. So you gotta drink. You have to catch up. They- they're on- he's on his third Kahlua. Dude, I- I ran downstairs and got him more. I'm on like, I don't know, a couple Kahluas. We're not done until his pants are off, dammit. I kicked a Gamma Labs too, I was feeling sleepy before the show started so let me- Yeah, that's a good mix. That's a good mixer right there, an upper and a downer.

Vodka Red Bull's great. This is the sponsored version of a vodka Red Bull. Alright, so I want to do this now. Because I don't know what's going to happen and I'm just itching to have some fun. Your claws make it look interesting. It looks so professional. It's going to get very very fucking cold. That's an anal thing I suppose?

Oh my god. I'm just looking at it. I see how it works. So this is a CO2 cylinder. This sphinct at it. I see how it works. So this is a CO2 cylinder. This sphincter grabs on it right after that ridge. Uh-huh. This is a safety. On Drunk Mythbusters, Kyle sticks a CO2 canister

up his ass. How do you feel torture? Talk power! I talk fast. So this is like a 90 gram CO2 versus like the 12 gram CO2s you normally see in pellet rifles and such. And I don't know what's going to happen. I'm a little afraid that it's going to vent out the sides when I twist this off. Normally you're supposed to put this part in like your paintball gun or something first.

And then you screw this in. And upon screwing it in, it punctures a tiny seal right here. So CO2 is really, really cold, and it's going to make everything around really, really cold, but it's not as cold as liquid nitrogen, so we're not going to turn this apple into a block of ice or anything.

You should have put a hole in the apple to put the egg into it. How cold is it, Dr. Pyle? It's real fucking cold! Kyle's like Bill Nye the science guy Without knowing much about science Kyle's what Bill Nye the science guy would be

If his entire science education Consisted of Netflix documentaries I watched Neil Tyson Degrass Drink drink drink That is awful. That is awful. I mean, he had all three.

That's so bad. I refuse to believe that was real. You did that on purpose. There's no way. No, no. Don't be that guy. Is it Degrassi? Neil Degrass Tyson.

Oh. Who? Neil Degrass Tyson. He's the, you know, we have a badass here guy. You had all three pieces of the puzzle, just the wrong order. I thought it was the Degrass part badass here guy. You had all three pieces of the puzzle, just the wrong order. I thought it was the Degrass part I was missing. Kyle's doing science.

Are you going to freeze it, do you think? Let me grab some... So what's the objective? Hang on one sec. Duct tape will make this better. He's getting up again. Honey, I'm going to need another... I will run back downstairs at your beck and call to get you another

Yeah drink sorry you can't yeah, that's a good idea I gotta say the shows off to a strong start Yeah, we're not even an hour in to a strong start. Yeah, we're not even an hour in. We are a little over 40 minutes in. He's already got an apple, a CO2 canister, and some duct tape. Some sort of anal probe. Kyle, I don't know what you have in mind,

but I'm in. What is going on here? What do you plan to do with that? I'm going to hold it in place. You're going to be blowing CO2 right into the microphone. Ideally. Mythbusters Atlanta! I wanna know what's gonna happen here.

This is real professional. Measurements were taken. This is not gonna go well. I'm just gonna hold it in place so that I can operate the canister. I picture him missing and then going apple in front of the camera. Kyle's drunk in state. He somehow thinks he's going to inflate an apple. I don't know what's going to happen, Woody. That's the whole point.

It's science, dammit. We have a theory. We're going to test it. He just got a red squad killer. Kyle's done this before. He's got the gloves. Wait a minute. Isn't that part of the rapist watch kit? Oh, oh look at that, the ass is off. Real fucking scientific. The phone that slipped, not the duct tape.

That was the microphone not the duct tape. Just hold it in your hands. You're wearing gloves for safety. Why don't you just hold it and go like this? He needs to assist it. Because the canister is gonna get really, really fucking cold. But you still gotta hold the canister. I need two hands to operate the canister. yeah he has to spin the top that's how that works that it'll puncture the foil he's so excited oh here we go it's gonna puncture right now isn't it yeah but don't you need it in the Apple when it breaks the seal this might be a real letdown he didn't cut a hole in the apple. Oh, hang on. I obviously be cool. I'm gonna have to unscrew it

I'm sure some amazing scientific shit's going on back there that we just can't see yet Oh guys, it wasn't a total lie. I'm sure it's all frozen Is the apple really cold now? No, this is really a stink. So my theory of blowing directly into the microphone was 100% accurate and tested. Well, that was just great. Well, I answered my questions. Check out my big science experiment.

See, the gloves made me think it was gonna be really cool. I think we could go on the road with this kind of stuff. I could feel it so cold through the gloves too. That's a good video for your channel. Today we are going to make very cold fruit. And it's just gonna go like this with two canisters. I would watch that video. Oh That video feel like in Soviet Russia Frozen like the old country

That's exactly how I'd want to like do it in the fridge and comes back. That's actually kind of funny. That's exactly how I'd want to like do it. I was like, you know. It's just saying that. Alright, baby I love you dearly, but I'm empty. I'm going, I'm going. I had to see the science. We all learned something just then.

That had to happen. Come back later. We're gonna make napalm. He's not joking. Throw up a napalm ingredient as proof. Okay, so he's gonna attach that to also his microphone I got seven cubic feet of polystyrene 80 gallons of low octane gasoline and a whole bunch of this It's not as if he's practicing his bodies and so is napalm and so is the cannon that shoots the napalm napalm and so is the cannon that shoots the napalm

I don't see what could go wrong. Nothing could go wrong. That apple is in for it now. Honey go to the garage and get some shit. We're falling behind. We have to step up our game over here on the science cast They're all at the other house. I know right I was like I was gonna throw some sparks at the camera or like All the cool stuff I can think of is at the other house. what if i stuck my tongue to it go ahead do it no it's it's incredibly cold double dog dare you hi triple dog darian oh well now you got it like you're leaving oh my god dude your options are over now there goes his man card my fingers are sticking to it that It's different with tongues. Yeah, it'll be quick. Tongues don't stick? Oh, is that? I thought they stuck. No, I'm lying to you, Kyle.

I'm a better friend than this. No, it won't stick. I promise. I was lying. Tongues stick. That's the deal. Of course they stick. I've seen the Christmas story. The Christmas story is fake. I'll let you go get your drink. That happens to people. I saw Dumb and Dumber, too. Yeah, those are two...

Those are the only two places I've seen it, but I'm pretty sure it holds true. I've experienced it, although not like Christmas story, but if you put your tongue on an ice cube, you can get the same effect. Your tongue will stick to it, and it'll rip it off if you do whatever.

So I've decided those dogs absolutely have to go now, because Kitty said they were all up in the yard, and two big dogs, and one of them was a pit bull or something. And her little dog chased after them, and she was like, what if they turned around? They'd have just killed her. Killed her dead. Killed her dead.

Yeah, so now I got my gun ready. I'm going to just get up. Yeah, I just took a drink. Let's wait until he gets up. I think you should have to take a drink before you get up. Yeah, that makes sense. Just to keep everybody on the same page.

No one need trickery. Yeah, I'm going to have to... It's funny that Jackie was making my drinks extra strong because she's cheap with the half and half. That's low. That's low right there. I'm going to tell you. Woody, you could have all my half and half.

You could have a whole thing. Well, she gives me other stuff. I'd give you some. If you wanted to drink my half and half like it was a soda, I would just smile and nod. Just make it happen. Whatever you need. Are we talking about real half and half?

Yeah. We weren't to begin with actually were uh so yeah a little column a little column b all right i got my hair cut today and i was sitting in the chair and that's why you're so goddamn handsome on this show we were all talking about it before the show started we're like goddamn kyle looks good well i think it's a couple things i got my lighting fixed pretty well although i'm a little blown out but i can't help that because that bulb is just incredibly bright it's so far away the light that's over there is literally on the on the other wall of this room and this is a really big room this is the room that you saw wings getting doing jeremy pulls in okay right that light's 25 feet away uh but it's just overpowering um i don't know

i got a new haircut and I've been taking fitness really seriously lately, drinking a lot of water. I think that makes your skin look nicer and I've been moisturizing a lot because if I'm going to take the effort to do the working out, I go 100% in all aspects of life, which is a bit concerning for the people around me usually

because I'm drinking a gallon and a half of water a day and running up and down mountains and stuff. With a paintball a half of water a day and running up and down mountains and stuff. With a paintball gun that looks like a real gun? Oh, yeah. Oh, we gotta talk about paintball! Oh, I played paintball this weekend.

I had such fun. I haven't had that much fun in years. I don't remember the last time I had that much fun. I took that fucking die damn with the 325 round box rotor it's like 1900 setup and threw my two thousand dollar scope on it and got the thing shooting 290 feet per second and i went to atlanta paintball and there were children there a sea of small 10 11 12 year, 12-year-old children.

Kids who don't even know what puberty is. It's like Christmas Day in Call of Duty. Oh, that's exactly what it was. There were a few guys who were good, and to their credit, they shot me. I'm not literally doing the Matrix cartwheel or anything. There were four or five players there that were pretty good, and they shot me.

But my kill-death ratio was about 28 to 4 at the end of the day. There was one point where it was seven man teams and I got all seven of the other team. They were like, 3, 2, 1, go! Is this a Kahlua and chocolate?

20 seconds later, the game was over. It was so much fun. I haven't had that much fun in a... What is this gigantic drink you just gave me? How much Kahlua is in there? Measure with your hand, Jackie. How much do you think is in there of Kahlua? Okay, so first I added the milk

and then I added the Kahlua. So how much Kahlua would you say? It's like way over here. Go like this. See, that's how... No, no, no. There you go. Yeah, there.

That much Kahlua, you think? Eh, give or take. Jesus Christ, you're going to kill this man. I did feel bad at one point because I made a small child cry, and I didn't mean to make him cry it was just kind of a an impulse you know what you did kyle you ruined people's potential for a hobby that's like if i was 18 years old and i went to like a five-year-old and six-year-old stick and talk and i started full contact hitting these kids and shit talking on be like you'll never have

winter times for no reason like and then they're Checking eight-year-olds into walls and shit. And the same thing, just going around and ruining these kids' day. Their day was ruined. No, those kids had a great fucking time. Alright, so first of all, a few of them recognized me, and the ones who didn't know who I was, I guess, like, they were shown the video, so everybody knew who I was.

And that was okay and everything. I took some pictures with the kids. They were all really small, so nothing got awkward except for this one guy who i won't really talk about but was his name jamal fuck that guy no i don't know what that guy's name was his name was awkward t jones or something like that um but but i played the one round where it was seven versus seven and i run up the right side of the field and i just don't stop running kind of like i would play when i was 18 years old and i i stop at a bunker whenever they start shooting at me and I pop out on the right, I shoot a guy in his mask, I pop out on the left, I shoot a guy on his gun about that fast.

And so then I realized there's no one holding me back from taking the entire right flank. So I run all the way to the back and in passing, i can hear them talking behind this bunker that's shaped like a v i'm approaching from the way i'm approaching now into the v and they're in this v three of them they can't none of them are older than 12 probably 10 or 11 years old they're very tiny people but my adrenaline's going and i know that there's seven men on this team so i have to take these three out quickly and then get to the other two before they know what's happened so I just hold the trigger down as I jog past and sweep from left to right like I'm mowing Charlie down in some Vietnamese rice patty and it's just I can see the paintballs hitting them in the back like two each it's like pop pop pop pop pop as a machine gun across this line of children

and one of them screamed a scream of absolute pain and terror and i felt really bad i was gonna ask did you hear just a cacophony of moans and screams coming from the children all three definitely screamed in fear but one one in particular, he screamed in pain. And you could tell that I knew as I was running, as I continued running, I didn't stop or anything, that that kid was crying behind me. But I had more work to do,

so I got the last two guys. And then I checked on the kid. I was like, you okay, little buddy? How you doing? You alright? You want to shoot me back? You can take a free shot. He's like, no. I'm not. I was like, alright, good job, man good job be tough be tough and like i'm always really cool with the kids off the field like it's just on the field that i know you are there was a that's that's my gig there was this little black kid who was like 10 or 11 years old and he had like his mom and his aunt with him and they were both pretty large ladies.

I'm going to say they were combined about 500 pounds probably, and one of them had leggings on, these red leggings, and she was a big girl, but she could get around okay. So I went over. I helped them all fill their hoppers. I was talking to them and everything, and it was the first time any of them had ever played. We get out there, and first thing,

I shot the big one in the leggings and the pussy. And it's like blue. It's blue paint at this field. And she immediately starts like... That's a gif. It was a good day. I'm going back. If anyone wants to play paintball, just Google it. You'll find it and uh maybe if enough of you show up they'll let me play for free because i spent like 200

dollars i shot a lot of kids it was a great day real hard i played all day i played five hours i have a new topic let's hear it oh and before we move to that inbound you started smoking and so we got a drink for your smoking. Also, the hour is pretty much over. So let's finish our drinks and grab another. Who hasn't finished a drink? Because I finished two. I've already finished the whole beer. I've been sipping throughout. I guess it's Taylor.

I'm going to get another one. How is veteran alcoholic angry person the one who didn't finish his drink? Oh, let's get this in really quick. The dates have been confirmed for the paintball trip. You don't need to do anything yet. There's no pre-ordering that you can do yet. We're going to

get our fans and those of you who are listening to this a special rate. There's going to be special packages. There's going to be cool stuff in those packages. One of the packages has to be Rape Squad Killer. That needs to be the best package. There's going to be a Rape Squad Killer package. There's going to be a professional Russian package. There's going to be a peasant package. There's has to be Rape Squad Killer. That needs to be the best package. The Rape Squad Killer package is going to be a professional Russian package. There's going to be a peasant package.

There's going to be a champion package or something like that. A little nod to Woody Craft, the world's greatest Minecraft server. Multiverse's greatest Minecraft server, my mistake. But the dates are, set them aside, it's April 11th and 12th. That's a weekend. And we're going to do two days at PB Explosion. I think it's pbbomb.com. And you take a look at the field.

But don't call them. Don't contact them. Because we're the main source of information on this thing. And like I said, we haven't yet got this package set up for you guys. There's no way to pre-order anything or pre-check. What's the URL? I believe it's pbbomb.com. Yeah, pb like paintball, bomb like believe it's pvbomb.com. Yeah, pv like paintball,

bomb like explosion.com. pvbomb.com. Like you said, don't call or check it out, but if you want to see pictures and see Nuketown and some maps and stuff like that, then you can check out their website. I don't know yet if I can get the flashbangs in. I'm really trying to get us flashbangs,

but I got the smoke bombs and the regular paint grenades, obviously, which are okay ors, but I got the smoke bombs and the regular paint grenades, obviously, which are okay or whatever, but I got smoke bombs involved, so we're going to do some mad smoke bomb rushes on Nuketown. I imagine the entire bus area of Nuketown out in the middle is just a haze of smoke.

Yeah, because I'm getting those things. Running out with flags and shit faces painted. Just light them up. I might even bring a launcher that shoots them. That'd be cool. What if I was shooting smoke bomb bullets at people? I mean, yeah. We'll probably fly us on the

10th and the 13th, I guess, right? And then we'll play on the 11th and 12th. Yeah, I'll get those flights tomorrow. That needs to be done. Yeah. This is all April we're talking about. Yes. A month away. A month away a month working out start working out kids because kyle sure as fuck is and yes i am too but kyle is going next level my training program pretty much consists of stressing a lot staying up late working on

little sleep kyle or woody will know how to build a really nice door frame in preparation for this he'll be like that door jam is wrong in Nuketown's house. I'm just saying. It's like a shitty person. Look at that reveal. The last three days I've been doing yoga for flexibility. Like this YouTube guy. You need to go to a dance school.

I've been thinking about either going to a ballet type place or maybe gymnastics. Something like that. Work on my balance. Yeah. You should do ballet. I think that's a great idea. Film it. Vlog it, obviously. It'll be great with your fucked up toes

that you can already do that with anyway. Half the battle's already won. I mean, monkey feet. We've got Jackie Chan coming in. She's right, though. Ballet is not really worth your time unless you're getting a video of it. You gotta vlog it, man. You gotta see what you look like.

A big fucking cod piece. I feel like... Because you're gonna come in there going, oh, shit, I can't dance. But then, like, three weeks of vlogging, it's like... Kyle can do a ballet, you know? Exactly. She's 100% right. Thank you.

You guys ready for the next topic? Yeah. Click the link. Oh, shit. All right. The question is, who would you rather have sex with? What we have here is a choice.

Oh, I need to move. I didn't read the time. I didn't read the thing at the top. I man, I man, you have a time man or an American woman. I love the sign.

She's holding up. I'll read it. Cause this is hilarious. The woman is holding up and I need fat acceptance because everyone should wear whatever they want and feel good about being naked. She looks like a hefty bag full of cottage cheese. Oh my god.

Her fucking stomach is so cellulite. There's nothing giving her body shape other than that bikini is crying right now. Why is her right boob so much bigger? Her left, alright, her left, alright, her left

boob is sneaking out if you look under her armpit. That's not her boob. That's back here. That's some side fat. That's where muscle is supposed to be. It's pretty close to the bikini line. Having said that, she has a pussy and the other one has a cock. Yeah, but she's also got an ass, and I've got my eyes closed.

Yeah, absolutely. Is everyone here going Thai, man? Oh, yeah, 100%. I mean, I don't think I can find the woman. Let's call him a Thai boy, and I'll feel even better about it. And look at the haircuts. I'm on board if it's Thai boy. The woman has a manly haircut. She's got a...

I don't like that smug face. She's looking at you like, I don't weigh 600 pounds. This is why I love people hate on Reddit. It's so wonderful. She in particular is a target on there. See, what happens is I keep doing gay shit.

And you know, I'll tell this and fast forward. People aren't just straight or gay they're a percentage right yeah this is this counts as an old story as well i mean yeah yeah for sure so drinks you know i i've been like you know when you watch porn you ever watch guy guy girl porn if you are you can't put yourself down as 100 straight yeah it's not there's two guys in there whatever you know i'm not knocking you do you think you can be 50 50 i don't give a fuck but you know you might be 75 straight which i would call pretty normal and 25 like you know

whatever there's some hot traps out there and um if you're picking the Thai man, I don't know how much more I can give. A lot of these transsexuals have the blood work of a female virtually because of the hormones that they're taking. Yeah. It's really just a little bit of skin that's different. It's not the blood work that I would be concerned with. You just ignore that part. Well, you better be concerned with the blood work. Well, you know what I'm talking about.

You have a bad Thai sex blood. Well, you know Promise that so in all seriousness, right? No joke, whatever. I think I picked the time in yeah I think that's a consensus here with everyone. Yeah I mean that is really Really abysmal woman right there. I'm sorry, but it's a train wreck going on. That bikini's crying for relief. She'd be telling you about her tumbler during it. It's not even fat. It's like she's smug. She's got the sign

like, accept me. It looks like it's been shot with buckshot. It's really bad. That's the thing. The sign, which I assume is not a Photoshop, but I can never be sure. And the look on her face. With the dike haircut. Like, she...

No. I don't think I'd like her. Like, I wouldn't invite her to my barbecue. No, she'd be a real cunt. Yeah. She'd be eating all the food, talking about how proud everyone should be of her because of it. Yeah. I'm increasing the size of my beautiful

body. No, you're not. it would be a pool party and if it wasn't she'd make it one she would she would be in your pool all like you know in that bikini and you i have seen pictures because i've been really perusing the old fat people hate a lot okay and i've seen like what it looks like sponsored this week i've been obsessed with it every night before I go to bed. I'm on there flipping through. I categorize by the top of all time, and I just go through them. I'm down to number 300 and still loving it.

They show what's inside of those fat rolls and under those crazy fat titties, and it's awful in there, like terrible stuff. It shows lots of um lots of terrible stuff like because the skin's touching skin all the time yes red it can grow stuff too that happened to wings actually remember he got mercer underneath his fat rolls that's a combination of things that's not just yeah that's hygiene as well though well but it's difficult to maintain right it's a hygiene problem that people without that many folds don't have.

Yeah, but still. Still, to clean all that skin, think about it. If you took all your skin off, or some serial killer did, and then laid it on the ground, you'd be like the size of a walk-in closet, I'd say. This woman is like the size of an end zone, just if you took out all of that skin and lay it out. It's a fucking carnival tarp.

I didn't think about that. I bet under a really heavy woman's boob like that, there's a sanitary issue. Oh, yeah. I bet it smells horrible. They're lifting them up and washing and baby powdering. They're in a bra as well. That's got to help with titties. That woman has four armpits, essentially.

Basically. Only two arms, so lose-lose. It's unfortunate she doesn't have four arms, right, Taylor? Yeah, that's what's unfortunate. Oh, what a train wreck. Was it Mortal Kombat? Who was the guy who had four arms in Mortal Kombat? Oh, I don't know, but I know the character.

Big strong guy. I always felt like how could anyone win? Who can beat the guy with four arms? It seems absurd at that point, right? He can be submitting you while punching you in the face. Yeah, exactly. Two arms could just hug you and the other two could just do this really fast. What are you going to do?

Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself. Everyone knows. You can't beat a guy with four fucking arms. That would really happen. It's a valid point Did anybody pick the woman? God no I think literally zero people picked the girl

Maybe at around hour three of this show I'll change my answer But as of right now We should come back at hour three I don't know man they both look hot to me Yeah that stomach is just seriously, it doesn't look like something has to be wrong.

Because that's not how fat just shows up. You're so fat, your fat is fucking up your skin, you know? There's a difference, too. She's unhealthily fat. How do we know that's actually a man, though? I feel like that might actually even be a picture of a woman. Which seems like cheating. Well, you would know. you've seen your fair share of trannies you can't tell there's no way to tell in any case i'll ask my tranny expert kyle yeah exactly in

cases you just cannot tell on back page it's hard to tell you know i mean any correspondent all of our foreheads you know we've got this like ass right here above our eyebrow like there's more of it on us than there is on a female like you can get you know an adam's apple stuff like that but it's also harder because she's asian so it's a little harder to find those kind of lines yeah yeah yeah that's the angle that completely hides it to me right like if she was straight i'd be like oh that sort of waist oh, that sort of waist-to-hip ratio looks guy-like or girl-like. There's a different bone structure, too, between, you know, between an Asian

person and an Asian person. But that pose, to me, is the ideal one to hide boyhood. So, I can't tell. She looks like a girl. There's nothing wrong. Just hit it from the back. It's okay. Nobody will cry. You will cry if you fuck the fatty, though. I'm just saying.

Yeah, that would be awful. You'll have will cry. You will cry if you fuck the fatty, though. I'm just saying. Yeah, that would be awful. You'll have to cry. You will have so much regret and lava soap used on yourself to wash away the pain. Do you think she'd be clingy? She would be clingy by accident. You just get sucked into the cellulite

like, oh god, I can't get out. Fucking quicksand. I'm looking at the fat chick I I Don't know how it would respond, but if it does what I expect it to do I could fuck that belly button A little bit. Oh, yeah You know you make a good point. I think if I work around I can fuck her Her fake elbow I could fuck her fake elbow.

I could fuck one of her side fats, too. As long as you use one of those, like, white oak router plumbing. She's got so many rules. You don't have to go in a hole. You just fuck her fat. Button fucking in this flat. Fat is soft and warm. It's great.

You just, like, have her fuck your arm shit. I mean, the titty fuck is definitely there as an option, right? Undoubtedly. The belly button fuck. So I'm assuming that belly button is actually only three inches deep, right? But how does the body respond? You know, like, I think I could put my arm in there up to my elbow. You know how the body responds?

I think I could fist that belly button. The body should never have a five-inch deep belly button. The body is responding to that just by going help help i shouldn't be in this position i don't need to have nine inches of fat it's just screaming in pain i think she'd like it too you know she's like wow i haven't touched in 10 years this is something i don't even want to i'm beautiful anyway let's go ruin people's days just accept me with my marker board all right yeah i have an agenda she walks around with that and just writes a new passive aggressive thing well she can't talk because

the fat around her neck you know so she has to write all of what she's thinking you know what's funny if you if you if you study able to fit in the port-a-potty as she stands on the beach so here's the thing right now imagine her just neck up right ignore the entire body right and then take her neck thing you know if you do this you get a double chin if you do this the chin goes away let her do that right get down to a single chin try harder murker like you could create a double chin put your put it down no i know yeah yeah there you go so um uh if you put her chin up instead of that awful pose she has now, she almost has a skinny person's face. Oh, certainly.

It's so heavy that it's being pulled down taut. Her jowls weigh 18 pounds. No, she really doesn't put fat. I'll say she doesn't put weight on her face. Yeah, yeah. If you just saw a neck up and she posed better because she's doing that smug double chinny thing right now she could she could look good on facebook with just properly posed

selfies oh there's a whole tinder date right here this would be a tinder day just her her her head profile shot you show up to the date in this 500 pound heifer shows up like oh my god that was an expect 500 pound heifer can i retell my story which is literally what you just described go on go on that was no story this is like hey it's not me but retell the story where'd my beer go oh i gotta get all right so i gotta get another beer you finished it but i've I've also gotta pee, so I'm... I gotta pee too, so let's do this at the same time. Yeah. Yeah, I really...

Why would you do it at the same time? Because then it's only one drink still. Leave more people available. No. Because... Because you're both getting up. Well now you're doing 20 and you have a little alone time. You guys, get out of here, guys!

You guys, let's get out of here, kids! What are we doing? Hey, Margo. What a couple of dicks. I feel like doing the Forrest Gump way. Hey, this is the Chiz Show. Everybody go to patreon.com slash pk. Welcome to the Chiz Show.

Are you feeling anything yet? Or are you worried about pretending to feel it? Walk me through. Because you don't drink often at all. Yeah, so the thing is I'm awful at drinking. And I was starting to say earlier, like, I'll drink, I'll hit a nice buzz, and then, like, it'll fade because I'm trying not to get hung over. And I can never, like, recapture the buzz.

And even when I have it, I get self-conscious as to whether or not I'm pretending to be faking or whatever. And Ch heard that he's like really like this is a thing that happens to people they worry about whether they're properly drunk but what i have right now is like my upper lip is sweating um my inhibition is a bad first symptom it doesn't sound like you're having fun my inhibitions are a a little loose. And I guess my face is a little numb. That's an early symptom for me. You're well on your way. Yeah.

Definitely not faking it. But I'm worried about what I want to do is get to here and then hold it for four hours. But I don't think I've ever accomplished that. No, we wouldn't be able to do that. We'd get too fucked up too fast. We'll see how it goes. You gotta keep drinking. That's quite the drink you have there. She's not fucking around if she really put that in. Yeah, she's like I'm done

making you drinks tonight. Here's a gallon of Kahlua. Here's the Kahlua bottle. I put some milk in there. Dude, it's a milk chocolate or a chocolate milk Kahlua. Give me one second. I'm going to go ask for permission to do something. I've had better. I've had better.

That doesn't surprise me, really. I think I'm in for like a 4,000 calorie night on this stupid thing. Yeah, Kahlua, that's like, that's really bad for you. Half and half, not better. And chocolate milk, also not known as a lightweight drink. Kahlua is the healthy part of your drink. Yeah, exactly. You're drinking all of these dairy products mixed with alcohol.

What a horrible combination. My deltoids are sweating. Is that bad? You're fine. It just means you drink more to go through the pain. Forget about it in a minute. You get drunk through to the other side. I don't think it works like that.

You gotta break through. I feel it though, like, yeah, my deltoids are sweating. Good, you feel good. Kyle said he had to ask for permission or something. Ask for permission? He's gonna want to shoot his potato gun or something. He had to talk to someone. Maybe he'll get that potato gun out again.

Does anyone else think the arm of that... I know that most camera accessories have that kind of bendable thing he's got, but it's kind of like a dildo, right? A little bit. That arm he's got hanging over his couch. You saw it earlier. It's the big black thing that has all the balls in it. It's bendable.

I don't think I saw it earlier. I'd like to see it, though. and you've got me curious about it. It doesn't make me think of a dildo. It makes me think of Dr. Octopus. It makes me think of that, too, but, you know. I'm curious just for fun. Let's set this up. Which mic do you like more?

There's the mic I use most of the time. Okay. And then there's this mic over here. Which one do you think is better? The other one. I can't tell the difference. Do it again. Do it again for me.

Okay, this is mic A. This is mic A. Mic check, mic check. This is mic A. Yeah. Mic A. This is mic B. This is mic B.

Mic check, mic check. This is mic B. The first one. Mic B has more trouble and less bass in it. Yeah, yeah. See, when I first started doing this stuff, I think Kyle's in that phase now. Like, he wanted to make you just deeper and deeper

and more, like, jockey, like, radio personality, et cetera. And then you realize, like, you took it too far. You know, it's almost muddy. When Kyle first got his mic, he turned, like, all the bass up on it and he sounded super deep and robust. It's like all right like i want to hear kyle i don't want to hear like neil degrasse tyson or morgan freeman playing kyle as i look i've got the equalizer like here this is how the other one is set to i don't know if you can tell the difference a little bit more bassy bassier than this for example it just took a little edge off of it it changed a little yeah

it's subtle but over time i don't know you've definitely come a long way from the astrome like that was the most impressive difference it's like holy shit you're a 40 year old man now you know you're not a 22 year old over there on the internet yeah yeah i i don't i can't easily plug that one in right now like it would be the setup but uh yeah there's no base in that one right it sounds awful it's not good why couldn't you wait to start smoking your cigarette to when Kyle got back well just make him drink anyway he's mad at his word

Kyle you need to drink for your absinthe and drink again because I lit a cigarette okay oh real real nice Kyle I was mid sentence and you just fucked off what did he forget? I don't know. Probably his drink, to be honest.

Yep, I thought so. He got up for something else. Kyle, you need to drink from a cigarette, you need to drink for your absence, and please pull out the dildo behind you to show Woody that it looks like a dildo. It doesn't look like a dildo. Also, you need to take another drink, Chiz, because smoking is bad for you. Right.

You need to take another drink because your eyebrow makes me fucking cry at night you piece of shit. Genetic deformity with a mouth. Holy fuck Kyle. So this is my new camera now. Wow I saw that on the internet. So this attaches to my back like a... Like a backpack can you put it on now impressive and so now i can put a gopro pretty much anywhere i want within three feet of you apparently it's as long it's yeah about three and a half feet so it could go up like way up above me and then like look straight down so you get the yeah that would be cool or just or just right by my side or I could make it go out and look back at me. So that's going to make

for some good paintball videos. Wow. Will these videos be uploaded? If that's what Chiz uses as a dildo, holy smokes. The women he dates have three and a half feet long vaginal canals.

Hey, if you date a 500 pound heifer like the woman we just saw, you're going to need something with some length on it You got to get through several pounds I think I need to do some investigation into extremely more like morbidly obese porn Cuz I would that dude we pulled up in the beginning. How would he fuck that is so late? I'm sorry. That is the most disgusting thing. I've seen in a long time. I just have to thrust in vain

He can't I got hired. He can't fuck. I was crying Yeah, he can fuck without a girl right he has an innie all he needs to do is lose He just rubs against his ball wall pound the fupa right slide it out. He'll fuck his own fupa He's literally fucking the walls of his scrotum. Yes, it's disgusting. Yeah, it's Disgusting have you thought of the glorious possibility this man is advanced Taylor Me out and I'm hungry let me tell my story. I'm turning me on Thinking about gaining 300 Hey Jackie open the door take a drink. We need more Kahlua. More! Hey, Jackie, open the door. Take a drink. Yeah, Stranger walked in. There it is.

That's true. Okay, so I have a story. Go for it. We were talking about the fatties on Tumblr and how they take their pictures at certain angles, you know, to hide the fact that they're fat. I once had this happen to me. I was driving down to Florida to buy my boat actually i think i was in jacksonville and uh i posted

online i was like hey i'm going down to jacksonville what's fun to do in town and some girl replied me and i was just like oh okay so i like start talking to this girl and we start texting back and forth and she appears to be very attractive. And she's... I'm sorry, Kyle. That wasn't meant to interrupt you. It's okay. I thought it was like a crisis lockdown mode. I was just checking.

You were freaking out or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you started typing in my magazine. Yeah, you were like, ah! I have stories that are so awesome, I've been sitting on them waiting to tell them. Carry on. Hold your horses.

So, her pictures are very nice. It's like that picture when you're laying at the beach, and you take a picture, and it's like your tits and your legs and your crotch from an angle, and the beach in front of it. And it's like her face and big, huge tits. And I think I even sent you guys the pictures of these tits.

And everybody was like, bravo, the titties. You know, they were massive. And she had a very pretty face and she was blonde. And she looked like she was like maybe 19 years old or so. And I think I was like 24 at the time or so, something like that, 25. And so I was like, yeah, I'm at this hotel, blah, blah, blah. So we'd already really established what was going to happen. You know, this wasn't like a first date. We were going to go I'm at this hotel, blah, blah, blah. So we'd already really established what was going to happen.

This wasn't like a first date. We were going to go hook up at the hotel or whatever. And I'm like texting back and forth. She's like, I'm in the parking lot. I'm like, okay, all right, good. I'm looking out my window trying to find her. And I'm on the third floor. And I'm just like, okay, what are you driving?

She's like, red car. And I'm like, all right, that's kind of a burgundy. I don't know. That's a red car. I don't think somebody's in it. And I'm like, all right. I see that. That's kind of a burgundy. I don't know. That's a red car. I don't think somebody's in it. Yeah, she's just sitting there. Oh, are you sitting in your car right now? I was like, yeah, yeah, I'm sitting in my car. I'm like, well, come on up, third floor, like room 317.

She's like, okay, I'm coming. And I see the door open to the car, and she gets out, and I'm just like, no. I was like, are you walking now? Did you get out of your car? and then i see the girl out there pick her phone up and go oh yeah yeah i'm walking in now and i'm just do you hear the ground shaking i'm walking in now oh you shouldn't have given the the room number until you saw her right should have met in the lobby that's what i was thinking and like now me would literally be like nah fuck no at least play the coward and get the fuck out

of that room and split you know one or the other i would do that now what did then you did let's hear this i was like shit and she just kept walking, and she's, like, walking right under my window, and I'm looking down from 35 feet up, and I'm just, like... About to throw yourself out. She's real big. She's large. She's, like, Newt Gingrich-esque in size. You know, she's in the same...

Like Jurassic Park water shaking every time she takes a step. Not quite that big. I'm going to say she's 200 to 220. like jurassic park water shaking every time she takes a step not quite that big i'm gonna say she's she's 200 to 220 somewhere in there and she's short she's like five foot four 220 pounds or something like that but she's got massive boobs and her face is still kind of cute so then she's just in the room and i'm hit anyway no and so we're in the room and it's just super awkward and i and i don't know i don't have the skills at this point in my life to be like to turn this woman down to be like you gotta go it's not that i don't want her to go

i don't know how to get rid of her i don't i don't have the skills to do it so i she was just like i want to do this and we should do that and she's like get into bed and i was just like you suck my dick like that would just let's just do that all right let's just do that let's do that with the lights off it's not an option in this sexual activity we just did that and then you know i'm getting kind of tired i'm thinking about just catching you to make it seem like hey tonight tonight uh you know we, tonight, we'll go out. We'll go out. You ever been to Morton's? You ever been to Morton's?

Because I feel like losing $300. Let's do it. Let's go. I can play the game. Let's do this. You should have been like, have you ever heard of Morton's? So I'll meet you at the Golden Corral after. I'll meet you at Ruby Tuesdays.

I love Morton's. I go there all the time whenever there's one in the city i like to take a nice woman there nice day i like to take a nice uh date to morton's not like so eventually not someone who's gonna put morton's out of business yeah hold on i was i'm sorry what's that Taylor the semi fat girl did she just leave eventually or what did you do I did and I told her I had to get some sleep and that I would pick her up in a few hours and we would go to Morton's or go out to dinner I think

the Morton's thing was a different fat girl who showed up on me who I bailed on in a different way but basically I just stopped replying to her text messages and they became more and more hostile until I was like, you know what you did. Your pictures are of you years ago, somewhat thin. I'm not attracted to people who weigh more than I do. I don't fuck liars.

Well, I do, just only once. I think I literally said, like, you misrepresentedrepresented yourself and I don't like that. You know, if you had been, I think I even said something along the lines of if you'd been up front with me, then this would have all been fine and maybe we could have gotten to know each other. But now I just don't know where to go from here. So we ended it on that kind of take it away.

But I was Texas in a very similar scenario and she drove one of those cubes i don't know who makes them is it a nissan cube i know the one though they the toasters etc toyota maybe it's one of those really cube shaped cars so she had this thing i was actually staying in a really nice hotel and like the the guy comes and opens the door for me and i hop in the car and i give him a couple dollars and that distracts me for a moment because i get down in the car and there's a man there to shut it on me and look and she's large and in charge again i've been fooled again this is like a year afterwards and with her I literally just like texted my friend to call me.

And when he called me, I was like, I just like did my side of a conversation. It's horrible in emergency. Yeah, I could hear him on the other side laughing his ass off because he knew what was up. And I was like, what? The film's ruined? All of it? All of it? It's worth it.

Do you know how much it this going to cost me? This is thousands. Oh. They've got lights? They've got enough lights? Like stadium style. Oh. Well, shit.

We've got to go back tonight then, right? Like right now. And it's a two-hour drive, but let's fucking get this done come on i'll be right back i'm like i'm sorry baby like i wish we could work yeah is it works for my story yet but all my film all the cards are ruined i gotta drive two back out there into the texas wilderness but they got lights set up for me so we're gonna get it done. What are you doing tomorrow? I got your number. We'll be in touch.

And when I got back there were actually hookers waiting on me so it was the night. It was a good night. It all worked out. That's a win. But then the hooker hit the thing. Well you can't just leave off at that. The hooker what? I feel like I'm retelling stories which seems kind of silly but i have not heard of this look at what vd okay so um i did not

purchase these hookers i i would never do such a thing but of course not you don't need to a per a hooker was purchased for me i guess i did that night because plan a had definitely fallen through so i did not purchase this hooker but a hooker was purchased for me and i did not turn down said hooker and here she was a very good looking uh blonde lady and and i was okay i'll have sex with you so first things first uh you got a picture it's me my friend my cousin and jeremy jeremy with the issue and uh and so the whole trip my friend scott and i my cousin had been discussing this plot to find a transsexual hooker and sick her if you will on jeremy so he'd be like really into it because she's attractive and then it would have a dick and it'd be like a big fun like

and we thought that'd be hilarious but we we weren't really going to... It's dangerous sometimes. Yeah, exactly. We weren't going to go through with it. We just thought it was a really funny joke, and we talked about it semi-seriously. You know what I mean? So... Do you mean you didn't go through with it out of principle, or you couldn't find a tranny hooker in time? That was attractive.

Because you also started with this conversation with like, well, I'm not into hookers. But, well, this one time one was purchased for me it's like hey back so you're not into it this is my only hooker story so okay uh i'm trying to think jeremy tranny yeah okay so you have to my cousin and i have been discussing throughout this long road trip to texas the possibility of getting this tranny hooker and sticking her on Jeremy. So that's in your minds now. So we have our hookers in tow. We go back up to our floor,

and we just sort of barge into Scott's room where he's sleeping. Jeremy's in there as well. And so, like, one of the hookers just hops in bed with him, and she's like, hey, baby, and blah, blah, blah. She's, like, kissing him on the with him. She's like, hey, baby. She's kissing him on the cheek. He's like, hey, what's going on?

All right. I was like, hey, Scott, you remember that special kind of lady we were going to get for Jeremy? He goes, what the fuck? He's just like chest puffed out what the fuck and he's looking from me to her and find decide who takes the beating first he's just like somebody's gonna fucking

pay somebody's gonna pay i'm like he thinks you're a man shows him her vagina and it's like all cool man man but he was ready to blow and like you said it would have been a dangerous scenario to actually pull something like if I mean I guess that stunt wouldn't work on me because of the whole thing of being a non-starter but a hypothetical single Woody would have had a good laugh with you guys you know but some guys they

respond violently to that thing I think most guys would respond violently is it my turn to tell a fucking story yet? Not yet So that was just a little side chapter To my main story So me and my hooker go back to the room

We start doing it or whatever And it was really weak She wanted to go down on me with a condom on Which was like What in God's name is she doing? She's supposed to be a professional And I'm struggling and she's like is she's like is it gonna get harder than this and i'm just like all right focus so i like focus with all my willpower and i and i uh yeah yeah yeah like

focus with all my willpower and i get the full master whatever and we go at it and we get done and she goes oh no and i'm like i've never heard that before i was like what what and i'm scared because i've never heard imagine like you just have complete or whatever the deed is done and some lady that you've never met before goes oh no i'm terrified and I look down and there's blood everywhere. I mean, a pool of blood. Like you slaughtered a goat at sacrifice. Satan would have accepted

this. He totally would have. There's blood everywhere. All over my crotch area, my unit, my legs. There's blood everywhere. My units, Jesus. No one fucking uses that term anymore. My peace. Big Jimmy and the twins.

Yeah. And she's covered with blood, to her credit as well, because she was on her period and she thought, I'll just put a diaphragm in to hold back the floodgates of hell. It's a really shitty dam you've got there. So it looked like the shining elevator all over that room it could have been worse it could have been no period and he's like no one's ever been big enough to knock it loose before and i'm just like i don't want to hear that right now i appreciate

your compliment we gotta deal with these stains right now how embarrassed she was i mean this she was a hooker all right but she wasn't like classless she like she she had the enough dignity to be horrified by this situation she was just completely embarrassed she was like calling downstairs for more sheets and stuff and apologizing for all of that because i was like you're gonna have to do something about their sheets because they don't think i killed somebody questions will be asked about this okay think ahead yeah you're right yeah you're right you can't just check out and leave this kind of shit and i'm just like yes you so i made her call down she got the new sheets and everything she she apologized we had a little incident they're very dirty so be careful how you handle them and there's oh i understand i understand

blah blah blah left actually it was was Texas. Yes, I understand. So she left with the rosemary, left with the sheets or whatever. And I kept picking on her. I was like, you know what? We're blood brothers now. We're blood brothers. So that was my hooker story. That was a really weird thing.

Did you get tested? He had a condom on. He's fine. A condom isn't some magical thing that keeps a half gallon of blood from getting in places. Well, he didn't start drinking it like a trough. He doesn't have to. He doesn't have to. I have been tested since during my regular physical exams. How many open wounds do you have in your cock during intercourse kyle where that would be that's the number to seek yeah yeah

i had an open wound would you like like i just i think i've you really got certainly like you've got like on the side of that thing you're just like i don't know weird lady i've never met before it seems a little risky no one does that and that's that's insane so yeah interesting story so you have a story woody and you are just ready has a story but he's chomping at the drink first because it's story time yeah everybody drinks because you smoked a cigarette. Two for you. Down the hatch! It's two drinks, Woody. I'm sorry. He lit a cigarette. You got a drink. Come on. Let's not be bitching. I'm running out.

You've got a phone, right? With text messaging. Alright. Guys, I hope they tell the story well. Subcontractors come into my house. I'm going to change just going to show up. Some contractors come into my house. I'm going to change his name to protect him. And he's telling me about his story. So he's from New York.

And his uncle does plumbing and sewage contracting. But not the kind you might get under your house like these big pipes, like gigantic concrete pipes that you could stand upright inside of. And his uncle is the number one sewage contractor in the entire state. And they're Italian, if you follow where I'm coming from, right?

This is a mafia thing. And he gets any job he wants. All he has to do is pick up the phone, tell them to accept his bid, and then he wins that bid that's how this works that's why he's the number one guy and uh his uncle's old balding like hunchback sort of italian guy and um the inspector comes on site the inspector is like this college graduate he's maybe 23 24 years old he's kind of new he's competent but he doesn't like know the scene. So apparently when you connect these gigantic concrete pipes, there's like a male and

a female part where they go in together and you put a soap around the edge and the soap serves as like a lube so that they connect and maybe as a seal or something afterwards. They're using the wrong soap. So the inspector says, man, you know, you got to take these things apart, put the proper soap on them, you'll be good to go. And the uncle is like, fuck you. And the inspector is like, oh, no, I hear you. Appreciate the offer and everything. That's very kind of you to throw that in my way.

As a matter of fact, did that already. It's good but we're talking soap now and um you gotta take a part do whatever the uncle is like i'll fucking kill you and uh and he's back there again you know he's getting a little nervous but he doesn't know what to do you know and he's like you gotta do this you know it's not my rule or anything man and the uncle is like i'll fucking kill you get the fuck off the job site Get the fuck out and the inspector is like yeah I don't know

So the uncle this little Italian guy he pushes him in the hole. It's like an 18-foot drop They don't know if he's alive anymore the fuckers in the bottom of the hole and he starts moaning now. They're happy He's alive, but he's at the bottom of the hole and he starts moaning now they're happy he's alive but he's at the bottom of the hole and he's like uh they're not sure he's gonna make it and the uncle goes all right cover him up right it's like cement pipe on top of him the guy's in that um it's an excavator this is lethal weapon at your house no no this is in buffalo it's from a while back this happened in lethal weapon so so they have the big excavator thing and um they're the uncles like screaming at him or whatever and um the guy in the excavator is like i'm not fucking doing it

i'm not doing it and uh the uncle's like fucking do it i'll kill you too and the guy in the excavator he locks the door so now the uncle is like clawing at the door trying to get in and the guy's like, you know, I don't want any part of this. Forget it. And then they calm him down. They settle him down. And

so... What's that? They put the guy in the cement in the job site and just filled him up with a pipe on top. Yeah. So anyway, the guy gets paid. And this company, this like giant sewage company in New York, they shut him down. They're out of business.

They can't do business in like New York, Massachusetts, Connecticut, pennsylvania um new jersey right all those states now he's shut down he can't work for what a story there's more so that the guy who got hurt get paid two months later he's back to being the biggest concrete sewage person in the state again someone else got paid and they're good to go that's how that went down there's another story I thought that was in your backyard during all of your renovation for the first he's like and then I walked outside and said no Francisco into the pipe and the... Please, you would learn. Please. No, not this. It means... And I let it happen.

Just fucked up my door. Fucked up my door jams. If Jamal was in that hole, I'd have been so cool with it. You know... Oh. Oh, there is no sympathy for Jamal. Jamal can be a statue. Yeah, Jamal's fine with it.

So, there's another story. This guy, this time it's not his uncle but it's him he lives in New York like I said and he owns a I don't even want to say what kind of company he is because I'm afraid people are going to like dox him and figure this out

the story starts like 15-20 years ago I don't know how I don't know the time frame exactly but he's up there and he's in New York and he's got a successful subcontracting business. But it's not like lighting on fire or anything. And at the time, this area, Research Triangle Park, is like fastest growing. It's winning like best place to live in every like money magazine or whatever. And people are flocking here. Much like I did at that time.

Anyway, he flies down here without any setup or anything. He flies down here. He doesn't have a car. And he calls the local building supply space and says, Hey, I'm this kind of contractor. What do you, you know, where should I, I need a job. Who's hiring? Not I need a job, but I want to bid some projects.

And they say, go here. So they send them to this big subdivision and the guy's like, I'm a, I'm a contractor. I want to do this for you. He bids it out quarter million dollars and, uh, right on the spot. They're like, yep, I'll take it. And, uh, and now he has a quarter million dollar job, no employees, nothing. So, um, he calls up his staff from, from New York and says, guys, fly on down here. We're going to do a thing. Now, he and his wife, he had two kids, I think. They might have both been daughters. We're not sure. He had two kids. His wife had talked about it, but she didn't know that it was really going to happen. And she certainly didn't know it was going to happen this fast, that he was going to land a quarter million job. Like he literally took a taxi to the job site and a calculator and just started, you know,

getting to work. So, um, he calls his wife and he's like, it's great down here. You know, I got more business in five minutes than I've had, you know, all year up in New York, you know, we're moving. And, um, she's like, oh, fantastic. Let's do this. And he's thinking that the marriage is great. He's thinking that everything is cool, but his wife is like, nope, I'm not moving. I'm going to divorce

instead. So what happens is a few weeks later, he, you know, she calls him and she's like, it's over. You know, I've worked with an attorney and, you know, I want half of everything. I want your truck. He had like a brand new truck. And, and that's that. And he's worried that he's not going to see his daughters and stuff anymore. So, um, that's where it stands. Now they're arguing now, you know, he's running the business and it's going okay in North Carolina, but his personal life is a wreck. They're arguing all the time. So, um, um, anyway, he gets a call from his cousin. And his cousin is an assassin for the mafia. And he says, dude, you gotta watch your back.

And he's like, what? Watch my back? He's like, yeah. Someone just tried to hire me to kill you. He's like, I'm not gonna. They just hired me. There's a hit on you right now. And he's like,'m not gonna but they just hired me there's a hit on you right now and he's like what the fuck yeah then what did mark walberg do so i'll tell you he hops in the truck that she's

demanded that he returns and he drives back to new york just fucking no radio on stone-faced like nine hour drive or 11 hour drive back up to New York, just focused the whole time. And he drives all the way up. When he's like 10, 15 minutes from home, he calls and he says, you know, honey or whatever he calls her, get out of the living room. You know, put the kids, you in the kitchen. I'm coming home.

And she's like, what? He says, get the fuck out of the living room. I'm on my way home. So he goes home. He sees the house. He makes it right. Drives into the fucking house. But he hit like the front steps and lost most of his speed.

So he hit the house, but he's not like in it or something he just damaged it murker's girlfriend spotting drink yeah i was gonna let you finish your story so he throws the thing in reverse hits the gas again now he's smashed into the house as he opens the the driver's side door now he's in the house and he's not beating anyone up or anything crazy like that but he's returned to the truck he pulled the house so uh so he's walking down the street and this is a big strong guy and uh and he's just sort of like i guess getting his head together and um the police get up to him and name change they're like you know are you Joey Soprano? And he's like,

yeah, that's me. And they're like, put your hands behind your back. Okay. And then he puts his hands behind his back. And then they book him and whatever.

And that is his return the truck story. And then what happened is that the story wraps up. His, like, I don't know, he got off or something like that. About two or three months later, his wife calls and says, I these these kids need a dad. I'm going to move to North Carolina. You're going to visit them whenever you want. You're going to be a part of their lives.

And the moment that the youngest graduates from high school, I'm moving back to New York. And, um, that's how it actually went down. They went there, they were like, kind of, they got along with each other ish, you know, as divorced, you know, in regards to how divorced parents do. He had good visitation rights throughout the whole kid's childhood. And 15 years later, when the last one graduated from high school, she moved back to New York. And I'm like, ah, so it really worked out. And he goes, well, she did try to kill me,

and I haven't forgotten that. That's my story. That's pretty intense. Yeah, same guy. I told you guys New Jersey's a shithole. You won't listen to me. How many times do I have to say it? It smells and there's organized crime.

Drink again. That's Marcus' girlfriend. Really long hair. That's nice. As opposed to the die-care cut. It is. Interesting side bit about the guy in the chat. But if I gave it to the world, then you'd totally dox him. Oh, wow. That's interesting. he's a friend of Mel Gibson if you guys I'm gonna kill this

cuz milk just gets worse with it I really have to pee again I got a peach are you shitting me I know drink! I am four beers in! Taylor, how many have you had? You're on two, are you? I just finished the second one. Okay, I'm about to finish four. How is it that I'm fucking up in a drinking contest?

What kind of beer do you have? I think my tequila beer is a little stronger than your beer. My Kahlua? No, not that you're Kahlua. I don't know how mine compares to yours, but I think you're right about cheese. I'm going to have to go pee, so I'm going to drink now

and everyone else is as well because I'm getting up. I will drink now because I have to pee as well, so Taylor and Woody Show can go. But hey, when we get back, AMA questions. So you can look forward to that. Oh, let's start looking through those and see what we got.

Yeah. I like how they pee in tandem, like girls. Do you have to pee? I have to pee. They're the same way about fries at a restaurant with each other, I bet. Should we get fries? I'll get some. Alright, checking out these AMA questions. I haven't read any of these,

but these aren't any of the same ones, are they? These are all new. To me, it's some of these are repeats. Oh, there's more than I thought. I don't know if you realize, but there's almost three whole pages. Some of these are just retarded. What do they have to do to send questions to us?

It's a patreon level yeah yeah if you go to patreon.com pka then you can see what you get at the different levels and one of them is asking us questions and we didn't we can't guarantee that every question will be on the show but that's mostly because um some questions would just be bad for the show like your your question is boring and uh you know we're not going to hurt the show with it. Yeah, let's see. There's a couple of interesting ones, and a couple that I want to read just to make fun of them. Or I guess we shouldn't, since they're donated. I found one I like.

Well, hello there. If you're on Patreon, send in some really fucked up would you rathers. Those are always... Here's the situation. Chiz needs one of your kidneys or he'll die in a month. What would you say at his funeral? I love that one.

I love that. It's like he puts this proposition out there like, will they give him a kidney? Will they not give him a kidney? And then the follow-up question is, why'd you say at his funeral? Because at his funeral, you're not giving him a kidney. If it's any consolation, there is no reality in which I would give you a kidney of mine.

I appreciate your honesty, Taylor. Yes. That's better than you saying you'll give me a kidney and then I'm sitting there on the waiting list for three months. No, I would never give you a kidney. I'd give you a kidney, but I'd guilt you about it for the rest of your life. I bet you would. I would totally expect.

Hey, you're smoking, right? That's good. Good to know one of my kidneys is now getting cancer. Thank you for that. I'm glad I could bleed for you. Thank you. Sounds good. I can bleed for you. Thank you. Sounds good. I appreciate that though.

Kyle, would you give up a kidney for me? Are you going to die if I don't? I will. Like how soon? Like is it like... In three weeks. I'm terminal. George W. Bush too

here's what I would literally do I would be like I will give you this kidney but I don't want to lose it's usefulness so I'm going to need you to move down here you're going to be working no no you'll be compensated but you found yourself a new job

huh I mean you can still do your woody craft thing and all that but you would have other responsibilities for i'd blackmail you for it and as you do crimes on my that's kind of what i'm suggesting like a bit of extortion if you will a little bit of bargaining in reality i mean i'm giving you a piece of meat i'm giving you one of my organs i'm gonna be pissing every five minutes without that kidney uh if i'm giving you one of my organs. I'm going to be pissed in every five minutes without that kidney. If I'm giving you a kidney and I only have the two, then I expect something

in return. We're very good friends. I like you a lot. That's fair enough. I wouldn't give a stranger a kidney under virtually any scenario. I mean, it would take a lot of money to sell one of my kidneys. It would take a million. It would take at least a million dollars, right? No, more than that, dude. That means my life is worth a million dollars. No more than that dude because you're that means my life is a million lower in your life here's none

of us you're not thinking ahead I'll take that million dollars and I go to fucking Taiwan I'll buy me a cheek kidney for like 50 grand hell those Taiwanese kidneys are like I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry my language. I'll get a gook kidney Also not right I Don't either I don't know what they call the Taiwanese what he won't settle for goddamn straight Kyle won't get a mick kidney no Cancer and pus and AIDS all at the same time! An Irish kidney would be a step down!

Kyle, can you imagine waking up from an emergency surgery? An emergency surgery, Kyle's in, and he wakes up and they have to explain to him that both of your kidneys were punctured, you were about to die, thank God, good old Mikio Halle-man, I'd the same hour fucking end it it's fucking ended i won't be i won't be part irish not any part i will be urinating every two seconds whatever it takes just just i guess he would do um organs from the irish they're horrible they're all shot i'd go on dialysis before I take an Irish organ.

Your first words when you were so surprised were with an Irish accent. Say that, sir. And then he left. Does anyone want to pick one of these? Yeah, let me pull mine up if you'll permit me a bit of time. Here they are.

That was good. What was good? i get a kidney from woody and kyle maybe i two i get three i like this one all right kyle and woody uh was there or slash what was the moment in your youtube career where you just took a step back and realized that you had something special for me um it was like after I stopped uploading all the time, like it, there was a, there's a time where it was just what I do, right? Like, you know, kind of out of habit every day, you know, I wake up, I work, I do my thing. And then, um, as I stopped making daily videos and started doing more of a PKA thing, it was like, this PKA thing is kind of cool.

It's a big deal to a lot of people. I was proud to be a part of it. I don't know. That was it. For me, it was like, I've actually got kind of a thing here. It's a rally point, and I'm as much a part of it as anybody is. It's hard to say. There I'm as much a part of it as anybody is. It's hard to say. There's been a lot of cool things.

I think whenever we did the Call of Duty commercial, when we were on set for that, more so than when it aired and everybody was like, oh, I saw your TV, blah, blah, blah. My dad's friends were seeing the commercial and stuff like that. They always realized it was kind of a real thing now. Aside from all that, it was really when we were filming it and i saw like all the effort that was going into something that was kind of uh all about well well were two commercials that we did for for activision there was the one with the quad rotor and then there was the one uh that was

actually broadcast on tv but uh the one that was the quad the quad rotor video like when i when i saw like how many people were there just for me it was uh i guess that was the moment because there was just so many people and they were all there to you know make my video and it was kind of i had a fraction of that experience with the dance thing right you know like it i mean there was a sound crew there there was a video crew there there were all sorts of like um what are they called pa production assistants that like they're kind of slaves they yeah i had a guy i had like i had my like a personal guy who was driving me around everywhere uh he was uh he was a black guy and he was like new to la and he was kind of freaked out by it and we went to like a whataburger which make their delicious hamburgers by the way if anybody wants a what if you ever had whataburger you

should really hit that up uh absolutely so and we were sitting in the parking lot eating our burgers and we were like talking like yeah man this is a really good burger i've never had one he's a great burger you know that hardy's they got a good burger and he's like oh shit oh shit look at them look at them guys over there they're looking at us they're looking at us and i was like yeah they kind of the type might know who i am they're skinheads over there like three white guys hanging out yeah they look like they're fucking aryan race out there by some like trash cans and some bitches and i'm like yeah they probably know me if i'm being honest like my kind of guys and he's like, let's get the fuck up out of here, man. Let's get the fuck up out of here, man.

And he started making a big deal out of it. He was terrified. I was like, well, let's throw these bags away. He's like, nah, nah, fuck that shit. What the hell am I doing in the road? He was so freaked out. So I had that guy with me all the time. The dancing thing had a bunch of different production assistants.

So it wasn't always the same one driving me every day. And they had dealt with much. they dealt with actual stars, right? Like, Ben Affleck and stuff like that. So, they weren't the least bit impressed by me. But what I thought was neat. So, during the dancing thing, I had some sort of stomach distress. And I don't know. Maybe some guys talk about that in detail.

But I don't. I'm just like, I have an upset stomach, right? They don't know what the scoop is. Like, what the details on how this needs to be handled so like a small team of production assistants like comes down on a um a drugstore and they're like well we don't know exactly what's up with your belly but if you're constipated take one of these if you're you know if you've got diarrhea take one of these. If you've got diarrhea, take one of these. Here's this to keep you hydrated. Here's this to keep you this. And I've got a small bag of everything that could help your belly.

Pepto-Bismol, whatever, pills, etc. It's not because they love me. It's because I'm a product. And it's their job to keep that product you know functioning like you know we gotta make a show here and this guy's taking bathroom breaks or he's just not feeling right i'm like sweating and stuff and and um it uh it's kind of flattering to be a product like you're an investment i take it back i take it back they um i think when it really because i think what it really was because it was um uh we were doing that that commercial and uh and guy richie was there directing the thing

and i knew that guy richie was going to be directing the commercial but i didn't think he'd actually be there or anything i thought his name was just stuck on it or he was more like producing it or he was just a credit or something like that but he was actually there and and i was a little surprised by that but then like he was actually directing if you will and and like i didn't expect that either so like i'm standing there saying my like six words or whatever and he's there with me and he's like yeah yeah say it like this yeah yeah oh that's good that's good oh great job and i'm just like that's guy richie that's guy richie that's lock stock and smoking barrels that's snatch that's uh that's fucking madonna's ex-husband like that's guy richie and then like between takes he's over there playing his guitar like an acoustic guitar singing songs with uh this

other guy and it's just like where am i right now and meanwhile like there's my name's on the big cooler drinks and stuff like moments like that are kind of like really flattering and and just bizarre at the same time you know what's weird cool so i know you had makeup too but you told me that they just put a little on and you're like you look great but i'm older and uglier so they um like the makeup it wasn't a crew it was just a woman but she had like like she rolled in with like luggage and she lays it all out and um and she's just doing my makeup for a while and yet she had an airbrush have you guys ever been airbrushed in me yeah yeah it it's

hard to describe how incredibly like gentle and nice having makeup done feels it's really cool like it did them and and that's the thing so she's like air brushing me and doing me up and uh and i'm doing a dance routine so it gets hot and uh you know they're there like patting me down and then reapplying and stuff like that and uh again it was just like ah i'm kind of proud to be a product right usually people don't care about me at all and suddenly these guys are all primping and buffing me as if i'm you that matters. That felt neat. I felt like my makeup lady was hitting on me,

but maybe she was just very forward. I don't know. She was just getting me out of my shirt immediately and put me in this other shirt. She's like, oh, yeah. You don't need any touch-up at all. You're looking very, very fit. Very fit.

Very nice. Yes, yes. Maybe dust you off a bit. Why are all these people giddy? There's lots of them. I only have one female British accent. It's just the one, okay? I tried to put some variation in there, but that's...

Yeah, she was British, yeah. You gotta get the Cockney accent going. Alright then, love. Doing really nice there. Looking smart. Looking smart, yeah. Yeah, but that's not how she was. You gotta do it right.

Fair enough. Yeah, but yeah but side note we also just hit an hour so everybody needs to finish their drinks grab another one oh god i have like half a beer left that seems excessive don't be a bitch i have nothing left text your wife she's it's 11 at night i think i'm done with that. Then you need to leave. I've got pizza. I've got food too. But that's for later. Oh god.

You drink apple, Kyle. There's no disgusting face look going on. No, it's cold. It's so cold. It's freezing my insides. I hear people around. I'll ask Jackie if I can do goes number five. I hear people around. I'll ask Jackie if I can do more drink. I'll be back.

Yeah, more drink. You guys do an AMA. Okay. Or Kyle, do the ad read. Let's do the ad read. Crunchyroll. Crunchyroll. Crunchyroll.

That's super racist, fucking Taylor. No, Kyle just did the same thing. Yeah, but I'm going to give him a pass. Oh, you ball gobbler. Just because he has more subs. Okay, so that's it. So here's the scoop with Crunchyroll. I think they are one of our favorite sponsors, sure enough.

I really enjoyed using their product and I've used the razors from Dollar Shave Club, but other than that, the only other product that I've actually been able to use is Crunchyroll. We did our stream when we watched Attack on Titan, and it worked without a hitch.

It's 1080p, it's great quality video, and they've got tons and tons of anime. So if you're an anime fan, you really need to get into this. So you go to crunchyroll.com slash pka and sign up for a premium, and you get a whole month of free anime. There's no ads and it's the world's finest collection of anime on Crunchyroll.

So it's free for 30 days with zero ads. Yeah, watch on your Xbox, Apple TV, whatever device you got. Crunchyroll's there. They can accommodate you in any medium whatsoever. Yeah, I think it's literally every possible thing, whether it's a phone or a tablet or an Xbox or a smart TV. It's pretty much available in everything. You heard it here.

Compatible with literally anything. Anything. Crunchyroll. They really are the Netflix of anime. I think I have some sex tools to get Crunchyroll. Crunchyroll? You think so? I think so, yeah. And signing up for Crunchyroll is great. You can try the product. Even if you don't like anime, just try it.

You know, support the show. Now, choose which, what's your favorite anime, and why? Honestly, mine is RWBY, and everyone will say that's not an anime. It's an American show with anime characteristics to it, to which I don't understand. It's on Crunchyroll. The only one I've seen is Attack on Titan, and I've seen

like four episodes of it, I think. I really like RWBY. RWBY is great. There's crazy guns and weapons involved. Enemies to fight. There's so much action nonstop in RWBY. I don't know how much crazier you can get than those giant, retarded monsters

that are walking slowly into those cities while people swing around on their magic like Spider-Man. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Spoiler, spoiler. If people want to know what you're talking about, Crunchyroll.com. They'll get a free month of HD footage right there with proper stuff. Also, what's happening at Woody's house?

I don't know, and I don't ask questions. Oh, they're having a good time over there. If it's getting beaten, so be it, okay? They probably deserve it if it's Woody's household Let's be honest. Woody should have came in and be like Like I said, don't you spill that fucking milk again! He comes out with blood on his knuckles I don't want to talk twice!

Just family, half and half Hope walked in on me peeing. That's what happened right there. I should have locked it. She should have knocked right? All good. It's like she saw anything. I'm have locked it. She should have knocked. All good. She saw anything. I'm just standing. I'm not one of those people that drops their pants. That's what they were laughing about. Who's that girl, I guess?

New girl. Who's that girl? It's Jess. Anyway, there's a scene in there in which one of the guys pees with his pants down around the ankles Yeah, men don't do that shit It's really weird 12 year olds that do that stuff if you're one of those people don't do it, okay? Yeah, so they were all laughing They're like you know was he?

Handkerchief style or whatever it was they were saying and that that was all the screaming that you heard Did you get another drink? What's that new mug? What do we got going on here little water same thing same thing or power to you I got up again I would give you a kidney too but we do have to drink his cow did just bail without saying God Kyle is and then he's we need to keep him accountable hold his feet to the fire drinking we just did the cruncher roll ad so more props cruncher I'm suchka free month go check it out my beer is foaming that's unfortunate but if you do watch videos on crunchyroll your video won't fall so yep yep yeah crunchyroll.com if you like uh crunchyroll.com slash pka annotations on the

side if you're into anime nobody is better let's be number one again come on let's get let's be number one with crunchyroll so that pk can keep going long and prosperous what number are we now two i don't know what number we are five we were number one at one point last year so let's get back to that position support the show guys yeah i think the live streams get a lot of people to sign up we We'll have to do that. I picked RWBY. I don't care if people say it's an American show with anime characteristics. It's on Crunchyroll. Who cares? I understand.

Yeah, right? Yeah. I think it's more of an American show with anime features at the base of it, though. Not like a true anime. Yeah. Who the fuck are you talking about? Taylor's 100% right, though. He's the commenter on youtube right now but if

you're a crunchy roll guess what you're an anime because they're the best anime platform around right now nobody does it better that's true many have tried and competed and they've all died yeah name the competitors i can't because just so we can look at them with derision yeah no they don't even exist i can't it's like name all the people Alexander the Great killed. He can't. He conquered one quarter of the earth. So someone asked me, how does it feel to be 35% gay, Woody? Almost catching up to me. Let me correct him. You're way past 35%. I'm way past 35%?

Yeah. I don't know what my gay percentage is. I'm pretty comfortable wherever I am. What are you saying? You said something really gay recently. I forget what it was. You would fuck a certain thing. I don't remember, but I was like, wow, I can't even

sign off. I just dropped my cigarette. I can't even sign off on that level of gayness right there. Kyle, you gotta drink because you keep standing up. Kyle, you take two drinks. Want to know why the second drink is happening? Because Taylor's gonna fuck that thing up and make it that drink. Do you even have a second one ready? It's a fourth one.

Do you have a fourth one ready? I'm on five. It's back there. Go get it, Kyle. That's ridiculous. You should have got it. Who's Jesus candle I got? Fuck Jesus. Go get your drink, damn it. Yeah, I said it. Go get your drink, Kyle. No excuses, play like a champion. Yeah, I said it. Go get your drink, Kyle. No excuses. Play like a champion.

Yeah, I said it. Get your drink. Go get your fucking drink. Jesus isn't going to get you your drink. Want to know why? Because he's dead. Jesus would turn that candle into wine. Jesus is going to tell his dad, and he's going to be so mad about that comment.

He's going to be gossiping in the corner about it when I go up there. Gossiping near the pearly gates. You hear what that one kid in the fruity hat said about you? I don't care. The hat's not fruity. I'm on Wikipedia now, Taylor. Okay, it's legit. You're on Wikipedia. I am.

They edited the newspaper boy hat to say a Dr. Chiz hat or a Chiz hat. So it's legit now. Yeah, I'm not on Wikipedia, but I don't think i want to be yeah kyle is kyle is but it's weird right there was a time where i was like oh i was kind of envious where like wikipedia it's like a level of stardom right when you're worthy of being on wikipedia people have created pages for me and then they got removed because i was no one of significance and uh it's like really i don't know there's a smaller guy than me who has one but uh as i think about it it's just gonna be like

a list of every like asshole comment he said he supported rape you know like all the things that have been taken out of context how the fuck are you eating controversy and drama would just be documented there forever what are are you eating? Pizza? Is that panini? Pizza? Can't identify that. All right, AMA questions, guys. We're getting off target here. AMA questions.

We did our ad re-crunchy roll. Go check them out. But now we got to address some serious issues like the kidney ones. I'll give you my kidney. You just have to work for me for a little while. That's fine. I would give you my kidney too. I don't know if you want it, but it's there on the table should a situation come up you know okay okay i like this one you discover

that your amazing five-year-old child was the result of a mix-up at the hospital and is not really yours do you keep the current child you have or do you exchange him for the real one to correct the mistake that's right i exchange five years old there's no there's no memories that have been made oh you are great fucking shit like i'm getting the real child he's not a teenager yet you know he's not you know it doesn't really matter he hasn't expired on that really you all want your real kid back oh yeah do you not want your real kid for the next like 20 years i could give a fuck i want the better kid my bigger issue is that I don't know which one's better yet, right? If you told me that, like, hey, Woody, as part of this scenario, you get to fast forward to when they're, like, 27 years old, see how they turn.

Like, see what you're really dealing with. At five, lots of people are amazing. But you know your genes and you know Jackie's genes. Neither of you are alcoholic assholes or anything as you drink from your mug. You could be raising a crack baby for all you know. That's horrible. No, it's... That's just a biological desire.

You want to be with your own kid. It's an amazing five-year-old. So you've got a child prodigy. There is no such thing. See, that's the trouble, right? I feel like at five years old, you're a bad parent if you don't get your real kid. At that age, it's so young and so soon, you can make the switch back to the real kid.

You guys are placing a lot of faith, like a lot of emphasis on biology. But it doesn't matter if it's a smart kid or not. It's your fucking kid. I want my kid. My kid. Somebody else can't raise my fucking kid. I almost want to go hurt the people who are raising my kid and take them.

I want to go rescue my kid from the cocksuckers who have him. Because I can't love them as much as I do. It's my kid. They're all blank slates. Just grab the... If they did a scenario like this, what are you going to have? Absolutely not. My kid will be a little bit different than anyone's. I promise.

You can take home any kid you want that's at the hospital right now. Just saying. You get your pick of the litter. And I'd be like, I don't know. That sounds like a sweet deal. That sounds like a shitty deal because they're all fucking babies. They're all the fucking same. You don't know.

You know your genes. You don't know genes next door, though. What if they grew up? What if you hypothetically knew? I still wouldn't pick. It's my kid. I want my genes passed on. I want to be like, yes, I understand why you love music because

I loved music and shit like that. I don't know what you liked because of the parents before you. What if it was some sort of Galaga situation where you were able to measure which kids were the best and they said, hey, you want yours or you want an upgrade? Nah. It defeats the purpose. I'll just adopt it.

He said Galaga, which is a fucking... You mean Gattaca? He meant Gattaca, aattaca. And he meant Gattaca. A brilliant film with Ethan Hawke. An amazing film. NASA actually said it's the most accurate film around for science. So, Gattaca. A wonderful film.

And if you didn't know, Gattaca, it's named that way because of the genomes. G-A-T-C. Gattaca. Yeah. I've looked at the cover of that movie, too. Hey, I just knew that going through biology class, Taylor. Don't hate me, all right? That movie.

Hey, Taylor, my psychology teacher shot himself. Did yours? I don't think so. I got a better education. Your psychology teacher committed suicide? Yeah, my college psychology teacher. No, he didn't kill himself, Woody. That would defeat the whole purpose of him teaching a class because he'd be dead.

He shot himself. There's still a timeline issue there. No, he shot himself in the head at 15, and he had a stroke. It was obvious on the first day, like his face was paralyzed, and he only used one arm. But, yeah, he was a cool fuck. Jesus. I got 100% in that course. He was super awesome.

I guess so. He still had 50% capacity then did he have to do like some BS like speech at the beginning of the year like no he was good at killing yourself he didn't address it until like until halfway through the course he told a story about like his girlfriend left him and he shot himself in the head

at a park or whatever and he had a stroke because of it he tried to kill himself he didn't say it until halfway through the course but I noticed on day one, like, that dude is paralyzed from the side of his face, and he's only using this one arm. It's like that guy from the basement in the Goonies, but he's stuck on everybody.

How happy he is that he stuck through it, and he has such a better... Well, it wasn't a mutant, Taylor. He was just paralyzed from the side of his body, okay? No, no, but there was a guy who used to walk around my town when i was younger and he his some girl had left him or his wife had left him something like that and he tried to kill himself and he shot himself in the side of the head but he only blew out his eye socket uh-huh so you'd see him walking around with a fucking eye patch and i was like mom what's that guy's deal is he a fucking retired pirate or something? And she was like, no, his wife left him.

He tried to kill himself and blew his eye out of his head. Retired pirate. How embarrassing would that be? That's a good question. Hey, here's a good question. Why do pirates have an eyepatch to begin with? How do they have fights where they have...

There's a lot of pointy objects on ships, and the nature of ships is you're going to be rocking around a lot. Very easy to have poking this shiver me timbers Okay, that's for to the the act of a cannonball smashing the the oaken Structure of the boat and splinters flying everywhere Yeah, it was splinters that killed pirates and like ship go people on ships who got hit by cannonballs It doesn't matter if you're pirate or not

Not the actual cannonballs because I, because it's this fucking big. What are the odds it's going to hit you? But if it hits that mass, that mass explodes into splinters, shiver me timbers into splinters that they're going to impale you like, you know. But only one eye though, every time. They lost a hand in the sword fight

and then a bird pooped in their eye. They got the hook in there. That's way more probable than whatever bullshit kyle just said a bird was just dead target with shitting in people's eyes then they got the hook on their hand and that's the issue they go ah fuck ah fuck pirates are really fucked up people i patch fucking hook on the arm peg leg they're really fucking monsters when they're walking you say that like they're still around oh they're still around pirates like that they're still around all right i got another ama all right go is there any consideration for a fourth host as much as i love pk and i really mean it when i say that i honestly feel like i've been i've seen

every episode at least twice which dear god and i don't have a bad word to say about all the hosts. But I feel like the lack of a lefty style host leaves the show lacking in some aspects. Lefty would always play devil's advocate for the sake of argument. Even if some people find this annoying, it's great to have when discussing really controversial topics. have when discussions really discussing really controversial topics rather than for example host one saying i think this is i think this then host two and three agreeing you get a longer discussion looking at more aspects of the situation and it sometimes brings up points that wouldn't previously have been made i don't necessarily mean the host has to be a pseudo-intellectual, well-spoken, long-winded type. Just someone who won't always necessarily agree with the host.

I love their backhand. I wonder if this guy, like Lefty, he's so fucking long-winded. Their backhanded compliment. I don't mean a pseudo-intellectual who's long-winded, but something close to that. I actually agree with him in some ways. Not like me. I think it is good for the

show to have someone on there who disagrees you know to have someone who represents the counterpoint and uh that's cool um one of the things with lefty like if i was to grade his performance and hopefully this doesn't like hurt his feelings if he gets back to him but sometimes he would kind of filibuster or he'd be long-winded thinking to himself like well we've got four hours of air time to fill let's just take our time get comfortable i'm going to be talking about this for 18 minutes and no that's not how it should feel right the show should flow that at the end of four hours you should say wow the time really flew like that was four hours it felt like one but it left you would sometimes be like hey man i got a lot of time to like you know like like the job was just to occupy dead air so that it

wasn't dead and yeah it's not a time card you punch from like five to you know 9 p.m or whatever you need to be entertaining too you know it takes away if you're just filling the void with garbage and sometimes uh if there was something about Lefty, he would just kind of like fill the void and feel like he had endless time to make his points. Kyle, I hate you. Drink for the sake of eating pizza when everyone else is drinking and not eating.

There you go. Yeah. Be a good boy. There you go. Nicely done, Kyle. But, to have someone who disagrees, or just someone who's on a different wavelength, you know, like I feel like, not to be arrogant, but I feel like we're all kind of sharp, all kind of liberal. Maybe not Kyle. Yeah, right. Kyle's liberal on social issues or at least some of the social issues. A lot of them.

All of them. I think you two are pretty goddamn close on, you know, social issues a lot of them all of them i think you two are pretty goddamn close on you know social issues agreed and then when it comes to like gun rights and like where we spend money on the budget you know yeah actually yeah and the jews the jews we both you know oh yeah hitler should have finished his job i don't talk about it much but the irish so awful people there's a reason that they're split in half between two different countries

have you guys ever seen Blazing Saddles how many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman tell me none alright so how many people have been wiped out by famine not that many just the Irish really excel at that

there's a scene in Blazing Saddles and if you't seen it, you really need to see Blazing Saddles, where they're trying to get the whole community rallied together to fight a greater good. And there's a lot of racial tension in this community because it's the Old West, and there's black people working on the railroad. There's Chinese working on the railroad, and there's white people. And it's a whole racial tension thing. But they need to band together to face this greater evil, which is a big rich guy So finally they come to an agreement. They're like, all right

We'll take the niggers and that jinx, but we don't want the Irish That's my favorite part of the whole fucking You don't side with the Irish no no one does yeah i don't know why because they don't side with anyone fucking neutral assholes but but yeah i i don't think we're not actually actively eyeing a fourth host but i mean it would be cool if if there was a perfect guy who came in and disagreed or represented a counterpoint in an entertaining way it's hard to find a contrarian that is also your friend, right? Yeah, it's like, why would I want to hang out with that?

It's like, the reason we're all friends here is because we all have like-minded interests at the same time. Let me start an eight-minute diatribe about why you're wrong. Give us the supporting arguments underneath the topic of whatever you're about to discuss. Go ahead, Taylor. As silly as it sounds,

I feel like the reason we all mostly agree on things is because we're smart. Are you asking for a stupid person? It's fun playing devil's advocate, no doubt, but the reason we play devil's advocate is kind of to enforce what the truth is or where we stand

on the issues. Alright, so let's get here. Let's get another AM ama question going i want to i want to pick one out drink for fucking taylor's eyebrow god damn there's that on the thing oh you silly bastard look at it oh i thought you were in a really gay hat again look at that eyebrow it's all alert and shit like it's a fucking erection of viagra hey i'm taylor's eyebrow pay attention to me all right round the panel what would your favorite uh what would your dream car be 1967 shelby gt500 mustang fastback no doubt about it

there you go what would nicholas cage call that one fuck nicholas cage okay i wanted it before him i love nicholas cage i even like all all of shitty movies, which he makes a fuck ton of, by the way. He makes a lot of bad movies. More people. Favorite car? It'd have to be some kind of Bentley. Really? Yeah. I don't like the sporty-looking ones as much. I want it to be

fast. A really comfortable ride. I want it to drive like I'm driving a couch. I want to be floating across the road. Some asshole in his Corvette can pull up to me and I can blow him out of the water if I so choose, but more than likely I'll be like, oh, alright, pee on. You won't. Pee on your way.

You're driving a Bentley. You don't have to prove anything. No, I don't have to. That's what you were saying. I'll give you a thumbs up for Bentley. I like a 1969 Camaro. I like that. Kyle also with a solid answer. High five to you, my friend.

Yeah. Woody. Let's go truck. All right. There's a couple of ways you could go on this. So forgive me as I get long winded, but when I was a teenager, the Porsche nine 59 got dropped and it got dropped at the same time as the

Ferrari. I think it was called an F40 and the two of them kind of competed to be which was the fastest and coolest and whatever and the difference was they're around the same price too the F40 was pretty much a street legal race car and the 959 was pretty much like the ultimate owner's car it was slower by like two miles an hour you know they both went went roughly 200 miles an hour. But the 959 had air conditioning, it had a radio,

it had nice seats, advanced tech, considering it was from the 90s. That car turned out to be worth a lot more today. Its price has only gone up. Porsche, like Ferrari, those guys were just giggling at how much money they made on every unit.

The 959, on the other hand, was a limited run thing that they lost money on every one. It was kind of just a reward to their very loyal Porsche customers. You had to be somebody special just to be able to buy one. If I could have any car in the world, unless I was doing more research, if you would ask me now, the Porsche 959 would be the one. If you were to do somewhat of a reason, I think everyone else picked, well, maybe except for Merck, I picked a car that you could own. It'd probably be a Chevy 2500 with a Duramax turbo diesel.

That's really interesting. I didn't see that answer coming from you. I didn't think you were into any sporty vehicles. If you go money, no object, that 959 is it it's a high performance classic yeah let's look one up it's uh porsche 959 let's see okay it's just like a older 911 or something yeah a little more like like a older 911 or something yeah a little more like racy kind of like if you look at it on the back yeah it's got kind of a tail it's almost i don't want to call it ferrari shaped because it definitely has that porsche nose of it yeah but it almost has an ns like an accurate nsx tail and um you know i'm not one of those guys who knows everything about every sports car but

but um yeah to me this porsche 959 is you know it's a classic supercar that's really interesting we learned something i think we all i was expecting a truck well the truck was there too i mean if i for something i actually own but uh yeah but But I never saw you answering with a sports car, super car, if you will. Yeah. That's cool. I learned something about Woody. Everybody should be proud. You can submit questions, too.

Patreon.com slash PK. PK. Are you looking for more questions, Kyle? Yes, I'm scanning through them. Pick a good one. There's a bunch there hmm uh will any of the pk man i guess your question was bad whoever i almost want to team up on this yeah let's do this together yeah anyone else can pick one it doesn't do a group answer

if you could bring three people back to life but you had to kill someone For each person you brought back to life Who would you bring back and who would you kill George Carlin, Sarah Palin Boom there's my answer You get three so I'm going to kill all the Kardashians Let's just get that out of the way So I mean there's a public service Right there

And um Who are we going to bring back I think you bring back Kennedy Bring back Einstein Because I think you bring back Kennedy. Bring back Einstein, because I think it'd just be fun to see what he thinks now. Yeah. I don't know, bring back Leonardo da Vinci, too. Really? Yeah, why not? I think da Vinci's overrated in this game.

I mean, I could be an asshole and be like, yeah, let's get Clint Eastwood back. Go through him like that. I would definitely pick Carlin, and I would kill sir paley without a doubt the world needs a comic like carlin there isn't one right now i think i'd kill my grandfather jesus christ way they got dark real fucking quick yeah how is he not already dead oh well your grandfather was the drunk asshole right so again so my my um oh i see you use one of your wishes to bring him back and then you kill him like three times and they kill him three times and he'd be like oh shit i'm back let me visit my kid oh you're dead grandfather i guess i didn't think through the fact that he's dead now

but so my grandfather used to beat my father my aunt and my grandmother and then he ran away when my dad was 10 and i'm pretty he was like a drop dead alcoholic i wish i had a way to describe just how much of a degenerate wino type guy he was and i think to myself like you know here's a guy who just did a lot more taking than giving through his entire life is a stain on the history of earth just kill that guy and uh we'll bring back somebody better i'm just i've got a whole life is a stain on the history of Earth. Just kill that guy and we'll bring back somebody better. I've got a whole new way to look at it.

I volunteer him as tribute. Go on. I think the opposite. I think I would bring back my grandfather and be like, yo, look at what your son did. He made me. And he did this with his life because you were such a cunt. I don't give a fuck! You know, you might have worked in NASA,

but my father accomplished this, so fuck you, you old fuck. We're looking at this power the whole wrong way. We're trying to bring somebody back for the betterment of man. Let's bring Hitler back and just kill him a few times. Let's just do that. Let's bring Hitler back. He needs to finish the job.

Oh, God. Or, you guys haven't thought of this this What we do is you have three opportunities You don't have to take them all at the same time You do two of them to show people you have the power to do it So it's like I'm going to bring back Fucking Rockefeller who still has a very wealthy estate In current times And I'm going to kill Kim Jong Un

Everybody turn on the news And then just hang up Rockefeller's here, news kill Kim Jong-un. Everybody turn on the news. And then, hang on. Rockefeller's here. News reports. Come in. Kim Jong-un died. Then, wait for me to finish. And then, I bring somebody else back. Kill another person.

I still have one more left. And I start a religion. Because so many people have seen me do this. They know I can do it. They don't know there's a third limit. And I threaten anyone who opposes me that if i die i will only come back stronger and more powerful than ever like a gandalf the white style threat and they'll believe me because they know that i can do it at least twice and you could probably go ahead and make the president or something to

get like power no no only evil people kill kim jong-. I would kill Coney and take all the credit You'd be a YouTube sensation in Taylor it just be Coney 2015 and me just given the bird We got it Who would you put in place in North Vietnam though Rockefeller that'd? That'd be interesting. No, no, Rockefeller was brought back so that in his immense gratitude, I'm bankrolled the rest of my life. It could be Steve Jobs.

Rockefeller's broke. His entire estate has been passed on. Oh, well then, okay, Steve Jobs. Bring him back. He'll give me Apple out of gratitude. Now the question is, does he get his stuff back? And then he'll kill himself again on some weird smoothie anti-carcinogen. That's a question we've never had before, though.

If you bring someone back who had the estate before, do they get the rights back to that, though? Totally. No, it's never happened before. I think, well, obviously it's never happened before. There's no precedent. Thank you, Woody. It's never happened before. Glad I could help.

Yeah, I don't know. That's my plan. I mean, they built it. It's only right if they get it back. No. What if your great-great-great-grandfather started a business and you were still working in that business? If he got brought back to life,

you'd be okay with him being like, fuck you, I'll do that. The grandfather did. Fuck him. No. The grandfather gets it back. It becomes back from the dead. He built it. The kids just got it passed down to him via genetics. Ah, that's a potent point.

All right, so what else do we have? What is your favorite thing to do to kill time when you're not working, besides watching movies with the PKA crew? Oh, well, that was my answer. We watched Boyhood recently. We did. We'll talk about that next. For everything to do to kill time,

that's never how I feel. What is now free time to kill? Let's be real. Yeah, I don't do free time. I just... I'm just spending it working. I've been shooting a lot more recently, so that's been killing time. That's not even killing time.

That's fun. That's active fun time. No, I haven't been bird hunting in a while. How good a shot are you? I'm nothing special. If you were 50 feet away, could you hit my taillight five times out of five?

With a pistol? I'm bad at estimating distances. That's about 15 yards, 16 yards. It doesn't help. I'd give myself like 4 out of 5. I'm a better shot.

I don't know. I don't know unless I try. Did you just really ask? You saw me shoot. What are you talking about? Not confident enough to say I'd hit it 5 out of 5. I know with a shotgun you sometimes struggle with the skeet. I'm pretty good at hitting shit straight.

I just don't like the loud noises because I don't know how to use it. You didn't know how to use earplugs. Yeah, yeah. When we got back to the cabin, Woody was like, no, you squish him up and you roll him in your ear. I was like, that would have made this entire day a thousand thousand times better because you just kind of mashing it in there i mashed it in there and it worked okay man so some people were like do you want to shoot the ak i'm like no that shit fucking hurts when it goes off man it was kind of cool like so if you guys have never worn earphones what you do is is your earplugs i mean to say you roll them until they're little torpedoes almost oh drink i guess for mispronouncing close enough you earphones and earplugs so you roll until it's

a little torpedo and then you pull your ear i'll see if i can do it i'll have to take my heads you pull your like this and it kind of opens the canal and you push it in and what happens is like you roll it and crush the foam but then as it uncrushes, like, your whole world, like, the silence just kind of, like, a snack. I wish I could describe it better than a muted snap, crackle, pop. But it's like, to silence. And I've taught a couple people how to wear earphones now, like, because I do woodworking and stuff, and they'll be new. Fuck. All I got is hard liquor now.

I'm literally empty. Is there no more left? So I taught a couple, and it's fun to watch their faces because they're like, it's happening. Their whole world, the silence encompasses and then shuts out it blew my mind i wish i had spoke up sooner because it's so painful to hear a 50 cal go off right next to it and then they wonder why i don't want to shoot it's because it fucking hurts i'm just shoving cotton into my ear or whatever what he's like you don't need these uh you know because i was like

if i had headphones it'd be different he's like you don't need those you pull your ear back you smoosh it up into a ball you put it in there i'm like that is 130 better woody i wish you were here three hours ago when i spoke up yeah i don't like wearing ear protection or those little buds like if i'm shooting a large caliber yeah you have to i don't give half i'm just shooting like a shotgun i'm not gonna wear them or if i'm just shooting a nine, I'm not going to wear them. I don't care how much it kicks or anything. It's just the noise that bothers me. And I didn't have the ear protection in right.

So it was... Indoors or outdoors with that opinion, Mirka? Both. Indoors it's worse. Like I'll definitely wear protection for pretty much everything indoors. But if I'm outside just plinking around or shooting skeet, I'm not going to wear earplugs for a shotgun there's very few people who don't prefer hearing protection indoors right most people do yeah especially because all it takes is the guy next

to you in the next stall what the fuck is he shooting like you could be shooting a tiny little 22 but if he's shooting a giant 30-06 you you're going to wish he had it. At my local range, it's an indoor range, they're adamant about what direction you point your gun. They're adamant about wearing eye protection, and you have to wear ear protection. But if you walk into the range and you have eye protection on, they're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, shut down, stop it, stop it. You've got to put your eye protection on.

It's this big embarrassment you just got yelled at thing. With hearing protection, they're like, it's a self-correcting problem yeah i mean they guess in seconds they're like oh shit forgot the hearing protection like i've been shooting a lot of stuff suppressed lately which i like a lot more see i would be 100 yeah i've heard heard that. Probably not as much as you. It's still loud to me. Like, I know you're saying you're, like, the 1911, you can shoot indoors.

It doesn't even bother anyone. It's really quiet. Is it louder than a.22? With.22s, I've heard that. So a.22 rifle, the click is louder than the bullet. Like, it's like it didn't fire. But some of the other rifles, like I've heard.223 suppressed,

and it was loud to me. It depends if it's subsonic or not. Most of the.223 you hear will be supersonic. You get a loaded subsonic, and then they're quiet, just like a.22. That's why it works pretty well with shotguns, right? Because that's all subsonic. No.

Birdshot, right? A lot of it's supersonic. It's usually up above 1,200, 1,300 feet per second. I've been meaning to shoot shotguns. Do you shoot shotguns with supersonic? Yeah. I didn't know that. Yeah.

I mean, I guess there's – we've been talking about loading up some reduced recoil slugs that would be like subsonic. So in shooting them through the suppressor and seeing what that was like, because that seems like a cool idea. But yeah, most shotgun shells are supersonic. Here's a fun one. Did we finish the last one? I don't remember

what it was. Drake, Chiz is getting up. I'm out. Woody, we need you to call in reinforcements. Are you kidding? You can go if you need to I'm like the worst person to be leading the drinking race Just drive to the store you know go get some more

Right that's a great idea He has more he's got more Kahlua Zombie apocalypse scenario Pick two members you'd like in your party From anyone in history and why they would be useful I wasn't paying attention The crux of the matter right now is we need woody to get more drunk because it's going to be entertaining i agree i agree

with that maybe you should go downstairs and get the bottle of kalua yes and i'm sure there's some milk like like i feel like she just wasn't getting a good job done i feel like if you went down there as a professional man like you'd make something happen. You'd come back and get a legit drink. I feel like this is his fucking house, and his half and half. Did you smell your hands? My forehead is cold and cranny, and I wondered if I had forehead BO. Well, when you go down, go make yourself another drink and get a muffin or something.

I don't want to. You don't want a muffin? I'd love a fucking muffin we have to forge ahead I wonder if there's any muffins upstairs this tequila beer, really not that great so I'm continuing to

I'm really enjoying this strawberry ale, this is pretty tasty this is my fourth that's reds this thing here is the melted ice, disgustingness that's not something. I really don't... Yeah, Reds. This thing here is the melted ice. Disgustingness. That's not something you would drink. Looks like cum.

Yeah. This was Kahlua and cream or something. It's gone. And this was chocolate milk Kahlua, and there was a lot... How dare you drink? How dare you? Wait, what?

You need another drink. Kahlua and milk drink. That just seemed... This is a knife knife not a bottle opener so i'm gonna put that away that's just the work of amateurs to be honest with you did you finish your last drink do you not have any more because we still got an hour and a half to go i hate you all yo i have a drink you're six i am committed to your six beer six and i've been having jack intermittently through this.

I'm pretty fucked up, to be honest. Going down the hallway is a goddamn task. I thought I was leading the drinking, but I think you are, actually. No, Chiz is leading. Without a doubt, I'm leading. Trust me. I've been walking 20 feet at a time. It's difficult.

20 feet at a time? Well, difficult. 20 feet at a time? Well, I gotta go to the kitchen, get another beer, and I gotta urinate, because I'm like, Kyle, I've got a very girlish bladder, and I don't know about alcohol. What was the question? Something about zombies? Yeah, I think you get to survive the zombie apocalypse, and you get

to pick two members of your team from let's see, I'll read it. Zombie apocalypse scenario. Pick two members of your team from, let's see, I'll read it. Zombie apocalypse scenario. Pick two members you'd like in your party from anyone in history and why they would be useful. Kyle and Woody, because I got Kyle with the guns. Woody knows how to build a house. That's why. That's a real course.

That's the worst. You're terrible at this. Really? Really? The two people from all time you want are in this call? Patton and Hitler. Patton and Hitler. Patton and Hitler. Patton would know how to dominate the goddamn Nazis,

and Hitler would know how to eradicate them. You want the honest answer? There it is. Wait, is this Nazis or zombies? Maybe they're Nazi zombies. Nazi zombies, Taylor. Let's be real. You've fought Nazi zombies hours, endless hours of Nazi zombies. Yeah, maybe Taylor's the pick. Taylor, because he's got the best

zombie KD in the call. Yes. I could show you the same eight minute clip over and over and over if you don't believe me. Hey man, you gotta make videos somehow. Just reuse the footage. No one will fucking notice. In my head, one guy has to be like a champion melee

fighter of some sort. I'm thinking Spartacus from the TV show, if he were real... He died of cancer. I want to get a gun guy that is so good that they don't get close enough for melee combat. Melee should not be an option. Maybe like Sergeant York from World War II.

All the zombie stuff I see, it seems like silent killing is essential. You need to be able to take out hordes without attracting more. That's why I get Patton. He's very good at war strategy and whatnot. Sneak up on the enemy. Yeah, it gets humans. What do you think zombies are?

Patton also has huge supply lines and airdrops and endless gasoline and diesel to do his job. Me and Patton. That's going to suck. Me and Patton would just out or something like that, I would imagine. If it Just me and Patton. Like that's gonna suck. Me, Patton, and Jessica Alper. He would whip some people in the shade. I would imagine. He would whip people in the shade. If it was me and Patton, we would quickly realize that Patton was not a very good athlete and I'm kind of carrying this asshole. Let's do this better. Let's say you're-

Alright, buddy! Here's what you're gonna do! Yeah, be like, what?! Not how I saw this coming. Me gonna do? What the fuck? Let's say you're with the Walking Dead crew to make this a little easier and who you pick you've got the no I'm the walking dead. Oh, that's easy Really probably the two that kill the most zombies. I don't know I'm gonna stick with all of all of humanity said well I don't know He's been down doubt that the the walking dead is actually the actual time in that show is only like a year and five months Or something it's taken. Yes. That's all that's passed a year and five months or something. It's taken. Yes.

That's all that's passed a year and five months. Those guys keep busy every day. Right? Yeah. It seems like the seasons are coming. That's crazy. Um, who's the Asian guy in walking dead?

Glenn. Glenn. Yeah. Yeah. Glenn is the guy. One on my side. I like him the most show anymore. Yes. I'm current on the show and Glenn's playing a major role. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. No, Glenn is the show anymore? Yes, he's done. I'm current on the show, and Glenn's playing a major role.

Oh, that's nice. Yeah, no, Glenn is the most badass. Everyone else thinks that it's, who's the redneck guy, Daryl? Yeah, Daryl. Yeah, most people think Daryl is the most badass, and he's badass, no doubt about it. If we're picking fictional people, this might be the only applicable use of Hawkeye in any reality ever.

So maybe you could go with him. But he's going to run out of arrows. Pick fucking Iron Man or something. He'd be a dick about it. He'd be an asshole about it and shoot him silently with an explosive arrow. Just for no reason. A zombie's running up and then explodes an hour later. It's like, well, you could have told me you stuck him a minute ago with that arrow.

I'd pick Thor if we're going fictional characters. No, we're not doing fictional. It's too, well, you could have told me you stuck him a minute ago with that arrow. I'd pick Thor if we're going fictional characters. No, we're not doing fictional. It's too difficult. Thor. Well, heck, you could go Superman or something. I mean, the guy's got laser beams. Superman in an office chair with laser beam eyes would just do this shit. Hey, there's no zombie problem.

I just looked at him. Let's be real. Lois Lane is fine. She's safe. Now let's pick Batman everyone's favorite superhero with all his gadgets and detective abilities on the zombies if you could lose if you had to lose Batman would find a way to be better

Batman would detect his way out of the situation with a zombie Batman would detect his way out god damn it Batman's a piece of shit. If you had to pick one of your five senses to lose, which one would you lose? Uh, taste. Let me think. Surprise. Yeah, it would be taste.

Whaaat? Cause then I could eat salads and it would be no fucking problem. Hearing and eyesight is way too... You'd never enjoy french fries again. So I'd rather die. Wait, I'm gonna be 100% honest. I don't know what the five senses are right now. There's touch, there's taste, there's sight, there's hearing.

What's the last one? Smell. Oh. Oh. This is unbelievable. You had to pass that. It's between smell and taste. And I really think I'd be a healthier person if I lost taste.

Yeah, everyone would. I'd miss some cool stuff. And with smell, I don't think I'd be a healthier person if I lost taste. I'd miss some cool stuff. And with smell, I don't think I'd miss much. If I lost smell, it wouldn't affect my quality of life. You need smell, though. But if I lost taste, I'd be fitter. You lose smell.

You lose taste, you lose weight, you're in better shape because you don't give a fuck that hamburger tastes the same as that salad over there no but it all tastes like nothing and you're living a bland existence of gray colorless that's fine i'll look goddamn gorgeous no you but you'll be depressed because you'll be love to eat and you love to drink things that taste different it'll all taste like a bland existence of skeeting over my hordes of women. Exactly. With my six-pack and pussy-eating ability, I don't give a fuck what my goddamn taste sense is. All right? Let's be real. No, you would care.

You would care. Or you'd get fat because you'd go around the house in a mad panic. You mean smell. If you lose smell, it's dangerous. You can't smell if there's natural gas in the air. Natural gas. You can't smell if someone farted. Okay, smell is a useful thing.

That's a plus! You need to know who to make fun of, all right? Otherwise, he's going to blame it on you. Think about it. The only thing I would miss smelling is food. There's no way I'm giving up my taste. There's no way. But see, smell is stronger than taste.

So if you lose taste you smell that burger smells right and you taste it and it works just kind of good enough in science smell and taste are closely related yeah but but let's pretend that we're doing senses which is like you know turn of the millennium science so in that regard smell and taste are not related i think i'd give up taste i think it would just make things easier on me it'd be super easy you'd be like that milkshake fuck that alcohol you know this tastes like water to me you know that would be dangerous yeah it'll be lower calorie if i just drink vodka a few juice glasses in and you're on the floor diane elvis style hey that doesn't

sound so good does it screwdrivers have saved many lives, Taylor. Why put the high-calorie OJ in something when you can't taste it? You'll just be drinking cups of vodka. Good point. Sounds terrible. Taste is the way to go. The correct answer is smell.

You'd be so out there, naked in the world, you wouldn't know if you smell bad or not. You know, you could take a shower, but you'd know. You wouldn't know. You wouldn't know. I have never smelled myself smelling bad, so George Costanza wouldn't know if he removed his sense of smell

if he smelled bad or not. No. I would know because I shower two times a day and I wear deodorant. Kyle, you'd be a buck fifty if you lost your taste. Why would, you'd be a buck fifty if you lost your taste. Why would I want to be a buck fifty? You're the craziest person here when it comes to food. If you lost your sense of taste, you'd be so goddamn godlike and be crazy. I live for the, you know, I'll get down to 170 pounds and then it's time to eat again. And I'm at 174 right now. I'm at 174. You know what that means? Four more pounds and I get to eat

If you had the chance Would any of the hosts consider going into special forces Like the Navy SEALs or SAS? If given the chance? No The chance is always there You know, like I can sign up any day of the week No

If I had to, yes I would train super fucking hard to be in one of the elite groups. You don't have to. They're just going to let you in. You do it. They would not. Kyle, I'm way like 280.

I think associated with this is that you also become the guy that they want. The Jason Statham of the crew, if you will. Yeah. I'm going to say a hard pass. Yeah, I don't want to do that. Not unless they're just going to let me in let me in right now there were like four questions posed about asking if you would join some military branch or the special forces huh oh you you uh i filtered some because they

were pretty much the same it's like kyle would you ever join why would i do that why would i want people to shoot back at me water that'sons don't fucking shoot back. Yeah, that's the thing. The Special Forces sound great when you're watching an HBO movie, you know, but you forget that this is real life and they're shooting back. You know, no one talks about the chopper that went down during the, uh, what's his face? Black Hawk down, Somalia, Clinton. Well, Black Hawk down, but the one with Obama. And, uh, what's his face?

Oh, the Osama bin Laden raid? Thank thank you yeah that that chopper that went down right i'm not that i got hurt i got hurt but still so how does nobody get hurt if a helicopter goes down that's an has to be an anomaly covering like 30 feet over and it jumped out oh um so of course the me of today would not do it right you know i'm a man of certain responsibilities i've got you know special needs kid and stuff i got i got a lot of providing in front of me but hypothetical single woody yeah i would totally have dug you know going into one of those things and walt seals or sas is it's probably not on the same level the one that i would... The alternative life that I wonder

how it would have been is Coast Guard Rescue Swimmer. Just pulling people out of the Bering Sea. And pulling all that pussy. That seems like a very... Yeah, I saw the Kevin Costner movie. Did you like it? I did. That Coast Guard Rescue Swimmer would be the bomb of a job for me.

I just went 90s on you Fucking salt He goes, I'm gonna throw off my sodium intake right now. That's the most disgusting thing I've seen tonight. Hey, he's 42, okay? The caloric intake from the solids is killing him, alright? It's way more dangerous. We need a bottle of Kahlua. Yeah, go grab some booze, we'll hold it down on the cheese show. Hey, get up right now. Get up, we'll do the cheese show while you're gone go get some cool there better be some singing a whole bottle of glue up

cheese show down on an action show featuring cut featuring Taylor my best friend on the planet right now who's he what are you eating pretzel sticks or pretzels that I'm breaking into sticks let me show you what i got i've been snacking on these see if that shows up these awesome hazelnut yeah these awesome stick things you dip them in coffee they're so fucking good i've had those do you have a coffee with you or you just stick in straight i do not i i'm not going to mix fucking coffee with all the booze I've been drinking. Six beers deep. Are you out of beer and liquor now?

No, I've got a whole fifth of Jack Daniels and Kahlua. But I've still got a couple beers left. I've got like four more beers left. That's where we are. You'll have some for after the show. I'm not going to drink after the show i'm gonna be honest with you right now when this i'm so faded right now i'm trying to just remember what we're talking about while we're talking about it so hey i know that feel i've been in that situation on this

podcast it's a good feeling i'm definitely not at the belligerent hate uh portion of alcohol uh my drunkenness i i'll never get there i'm very lovey-dovey uh friendly when i get very intoxicated so i'll never get very lovey-dovey yeah i'm very like yo let's hang out let's uh let's uh let's let's let's hang out let's let's be friends i'm not uh y'all i hate you taylor why why do you hate lefty i felt like such an asshole for that because he never done been anything but nice to me or at least i never that was right and i will give lefty props for like handling that like a champ because i you know i think most people would have like reacted back to how you were how belligerent you were being to them. But Lefty was like, yeah, it's totally cool.

I've been there before. Let Taylor say whatever he has to say. Yeah. True. That was a real dick. How was your day, Taylor? How was your day? I want to know that.

How was your day? Good day. Just a great day. Is that extra or light? Day? There's extra light this is just a regular corona no corona extra or corona light oh corona extra i didn't know that was a thing i just thought it was corona it's not a lie and it's not those little tiny beers they give you where the fucking bottle is one-fifth the size of a normal bottle for the

women for margaritas that's what they're made for pony bottles when i was a teenager why because of the pony express very popular at the time so they got all their mail i don't know maybe it was because budweiser's were like the clydesdales and the pony bottles i'm not sure oh the budweiser's were the clydesdales and the pony bottles. I'm not sure. Oh, the Budweisers were the Clydesdales of your day. The very majestic horse, the Budweiser. Those stupid fucking horses cause traffic in downtown St. Louis because people just pay for rides, and they're like,

oh, I'm with the Clydesdales. I'm driving through because they pull people, and they just block whole lanes of traffic, and nobody gives a shit. And that's why we have fucking riots right there. That's why we have riots. They're just enraged. They're like, I gotta go to fucking Walgreens and they get stuck behind this shitting

carriage. I think it's pretty racist to blame it on Clydesdales. There are riots in Skid Row right now. Some of those Clydesdales are perfectly nice. There are people marching Skid Row with signs because of the homeless guy now on Skid row, which is just funny.

What homeless signs? What are we talking about? Oh, in L.A., this guy was being like sort of I guess he he did something bad. And the police were in an altercation, like a fight with the guy who grabbed the nightstick. I think there was a fight or some kind of altercation. So I'm not positive about the very origin, but I think two homeless people were fighting one another, and the cops went to break it up.

One homeless person actually grabbed the nightstick. Like, the nightstick got loose, but he just got handcuffed. The other guy, they were holding him down, and there's not a very good camera angle of it. We could watch it together, actually. But they were holding him down and um i guess he kept resisting like they're telling him to put his arms behind his back or whatever and as you know police corrections officers etc and they tased him they're all like sort of trained

to just yell out stop resisting while they kick the shit out of somebody so they're doing that thing stop resisting stop resisting stop resisting and then um at one point someone yells like he's going for my gun and they shoot him five times and he's dead yeah on skid row which is the shanty does anyone have the link can someone hunt down the link i you're asking too much of me, my friend. I'm on it. Thank you, Kyle. You assholes are making me drink again. I'm an asshole. What do you got now? I can barely see you right now, and I'm an asshole.

What do you got, Woody? This is Kahlua and cream of some sort. Is Kahlua the only booze you have in your house? Hey, I respect them for having Kahlua. The Woody choice. Here's a better question. Who drinks the Kahlua? Because booze you have in your house? Hey, I respect them for having Kahlua. The woody choice. Here's a better question. Who drinks the Kahlua? Because obviously that was at your house.

Was it Jackie? We do sometimes. Yeah, it's rare. I want to say sometimes Jackie uses vodka as an ingredient in a spaghetti sauce or something like that. Oh, vodka sauce is good. All right, here's a leg. All right. That's what my mama used to make cool all right so I just want to make sure I get the whole video in I do every cute up at zero yep yeah all right so before we hit play I want

to say after like a minute or two there's nothing else to watch it's just boring but all alright ready set play this is in LA yeah good row so do you see that person the foreground he's not interesting the interesting persons in the background on the ground with the four police officers yeah see they See, like, people have, like, one leg each. Now he's being tased. You can hear the taser. Now you're the gun.

And what did he do? Just, he was fighting another... He was resisting. Well, they said he's going for my gun. He's going for my gun, and then they shot him. Oh, fuck! Or he's got my gun. And that's it.

To be honest, it just gets boring from here. Like, we're 39 seconds in, and the next three and a half... I'm sorry, two and a half minutes. Did I do the math right? No, three and a half minutes. Yeah, the next three and a half minutes is basically people standing around, acting like he's still a threat. Watch the dead guy.

So is he dead? Yeah, he's dead. Oh, certainly. I can't tell you if he's dead at this second, but they declared him dead when he got to the hospital. Yeah, he died on the ground there. Oh, certainly. I can't tell you if he's dead at this second, but they declared him dead when he got to the hospital. Yeah, he died on the ground there. Yeah, yeah. He shot him five times. There's no doubt about it.

Point blank range. So, you know, I'm going to personally go back to the beginning so people can see this again. They're punching him in the face. That tall guy in particular seems to be good at face punching. These are cops, by the way. Trained cops. Yeah, they're not so tough.

And then he's still punching him in the face. This is LA too. These are LA cops. And then bam, bam, bam. Yeah. So if he did reach for the gun it was a good shooting you can't see much off this shaky angle was it though like you know they could have stepped on his arm like a lot of things could have been prevented to stop the death of this homeless person i mean he's homeless he's really not a threat this is not a guy walking around with

an automatic weapon down the streets of la it's difficult to get a cop's gun out of his holster if you don't know that kyle probably knows this they're mandated to have like a lock button on them like they don't just most concealed carry people i think probably everyone here knows they just have like slip-in gun holsters but policemen have a button that like locks it in place so then again they did lose their nightstick yeah and it's possible right and it's plastic like i believe he could have lost his gun and he was going for it but i just don't think shooting him five times was the appropriate response when they have you're right it should have been six or seven times those guns can hold

a lot right like this is a homeless person you don't know if he's got vd or like aids or anything you know i uh i can't tell from the video that's that's my stance on this i can't see what was going on if he was reaching for a cop's gun open fire and i really don't care if it's one time in one shot or 17 shots you know once you decide deadly force is good i've approved of deadly force period yeah that's the beginning and end of it in my head i don't feel like i would do that though i feel like i never understand when they open up when it's like pop pop pop pop pop in my head blank you're looking at him like a foot away in my head i feel like i would just i would go pop and then like wait two seconds and then if I needed to add another

and a third and a fourth, they could quickly be administered. To be fair, they've got adrenaline running. They're scared. It's hard to say. Sometimes I feel like in for a penny. Oh, did Kyle shoot? We're all going to shoot. That makes us all innocent.

They have a left turn. Why did only Officer Marks fire? Why didn't you fire? You didn't deem it necessary at that time to fire? Oh, yeah, we all thought it was a good idea, so we popped a few in him. I like the fact that everyone thought because this was a homeless man, no one was going to give a shit. But now they've got people literally marching down the streets of Skid Row. Well, I got a video of it, so it looks kind of bad.

Are they homeless people marching because Because they don't count. No, no, no. I agree. They do not count. It's a shantytown, Skid Row. It's a real fucking shithole. It really is. I've been to Skid Row a lot. A lot. Ten times. Enough to know what it is.

It's a wreck. And then they're always like, how you like la and it's like dude your homeless problem is out right i don't say that i said i loved it it was wonderful seattle's bad too is it for people that don't know skid row is literally a strip of homeless people thousands of homeless people that is what skid row is it is literally a shanty town do they have especially good like soup kitchens or something? What attracts people to Skid Row? I don't know. I haven't looked into it that much.

I've just known since growing up, and every time I've visited L.A., Skid Row is just thousands of homeless people with tents and shit. I was just guessing that, oh, that's where the soup kitchens must be. Therefore, that's where all the homeless people are. must be. Therefore, that's where all the homeless people are. You would think, but you gotta think too. Maybe this is just an area where homeless people are allowed to congregate and literally set up tents and no one will kick them out too. Right.

It might just be like, well, homeless people exist. They must be somewhere. Therefore, this is the unpoliced part. They're two miles away from little Tokyo or little China or whatever. You know what they should have? More trash cans. Would Skid Row people put their trash in the trash can?

I don't think they would. I mean, they should. They got nothing to do. They're homeless, but they're crazy too a lot of the time. At Disney World, they did something like they figured out people will carry their trash for something like 15 feet before they drop it. So they put trash cans every 25 feet. So you're never more than 12 and a half feet from a trash can. And then people tend to put it in the trash cans by themselves.

Do that at Skid Row, man. Have trash cans all over. You go to Skid Row, there's literally bags of trash and this junk. Double drink. He got up and he lit a cigarette. Fuck you junk. Double drink. He got up and he lit a cigarette. Fuck you both. Two drinks. Hey man, the more...

I don't know about the next hour. And we still got time. You know, we still got time. Yeah, Skid Row is a real shithole. There's a reason the homeless hang out there. I will not be buying this again. There's a reason the homeless hang out there. I will not be buying this again. There's a reason that tequila and beer

are different drinks. I don't think so. That's a horrible concoction. Can I see that label again? Can we see the skull and crossbones of the Oculus or whatever the fuck it's called? Oculus. Yeah, the Oculus.

The Oculus. The drinks. Look into my eyes. The pirates. Yeah, the Oculto The drink Look into my eyes See, I just stick with classic Mexican beer, which if it's not warm, it's fine and a little Jack Daniels That's a scary alcohol you have there Mine doesn't have a skull on it

It's not terrible, but it's also not going to be a repeat purchase It's like eating at Long John Silver's. No, no, no, no, no. No one eats at Long John Silver's. Let's correct that statement. I haven't been there in a long time. I haven't been to Long John Silver's.

People go there. And that's it. That's it. That was the whole point. That's what I said, yes. I was like 14 the last time. I think Taylor is the most sober person out of everyone here right now. Well, I think Taylor has a much higher alcohol...

I'm very disappointed he's drinking tequila beer in concoctions and no hard liquor. I was expecting more out of you. I didn't want... I was expecting vinegar. I was expecting a lot more. Are you working tomorrow, Taylor? I am not, but I have other plans. There's no excuses, then, you little bitch

with your hack eyebrow. Kyle, the last couple weeks has inspired me to slim a little bit. Oh, go fuck yourself, Kyle. Kyle is training for a paintball competition where little children need to die.

You're right, Woody. I do think it's funny how Woody's struggling through probably the worst option of a drink to choose for a four-hour podcast. Well, let's pick something that's really, really sweet mixed with something that's incredibly heavy. Rich.

Also, if you don't drink it fast enough, like that big thing I had, the chocolate. It got warm. The chocolate milk, which was an awful combo, was warm by the end. Oh. Oh, so bad. Yeah, it was warm. It's right up there with Corona.

That's why you got to drink it fast. Jackie would really let you down. She's just not a bartender. Well, that's not why you should be this one let me see what i got here hey woody information security or database administration i'm currently a junior in college and i'm working the it help desk at my university i worked here for two years and i've been trying to figure out what line of it work that i want to get into when i graduate i need to figure out what kinds of certs to go after based on which line of IT work.

Any advice would be awesome. All right. Information security or database administration. Here's the scoop. The good part about info security is that you're totally protected from like globalization. It's hard to outsource information security. People tend to want to keep that in house. They will outsource their entire fucking IT department, but they'll keep InfoSec in-house because it's just weird to

send InfoSec over to India and, you know, trust your company's secrets and give the keys to the kingdom to somebody who doesn't work there. So InfoSec gives you a level of job security. One of the challenges with InfoSec, and it's the opposite of DBA, database administration, is that it changes constantly. If you stop watching in InfoSec, or better yet, if you're not addicted to the news in InfoSec, then you suck at your job. If you're not hands on the keyboard for six months, all of a sudden you're not hip to the latest fucking spyware

lenovo bullshit or whatever infosec is a job like all jobs require all white collar jobs require continuing professional education like you got a cpe every good job but infosec continuing professional education becomes a lifestyle something you consume all the time. DBA on the other hand, dude, like you get good at that job five or six years in and you ride that shit for two decades. You know, it's, it's not constantly changing like InfoSec is. So, um, so pick your poison, baby. If you have a passion for InfoSec, I'd go that way. If, um, if you're looking for a job where you're not like constantly falling into obsolescence then go dba there you have it good answer do you guys have no idea what we just helped that child right yeah i hope you know what every time i do one of these computer

things i get all this feedback from people who are like it gets really well received i don't know maybe the people that appreciate it they're just really vocal yeah but i think it's a good idea because a lot of people don't take that into account they think they're just going to have a job all the time it's like no because you can outsource the db job you can't really outsource the job that has some higher um yeah intellect involved or security issues it's not that one has to be smarter than the other. Right. Or that one has to keep more in touch with the news. It's that one's more, like, you're just super trusted.

You're a U.S. citizen. This guy isn't. We're going to give it to the citizen because more than likely he's not going to fuck us for less. And the citizen thing's a legit thing. If you work for a big company, a lot of times you have to actually be like a natural born U.S. citizen to get a level of security clearance. Because if you work for like a Cisco, for example, they have government contracts.

You can't work in InfoSec unless you're a natural U.S. born citizen because you need a security clearance to work on some of this stuff. So you just 100% outsource protected. By the way, if you have not finished your drink, go ahead and finish it right now. We have hit the hour mark. No, I can't. I can't do that. Well, let's drink half of it. We're not going to make it a whole other hour.

We're already over three. Drink half of it, okay? So let's finish what we have and start a new one in the spirit of it. Thank you, Tyler. Kyle. As the most sober person here, that is something you would say. As the most drunk person here,

I'll go ahead and say, drink. I just got this drunk, is what you said. I'm fucked up and I realized that was the wrong sentence. Kyle, I think you should promote Squarespace. speaking of intellectual jobs and IT work

Kyle go ahead and sell us on Squarespace because they are an amazing platform they help Jeff Bridges they can help us and everyone out there if you can help Jeff Bridges you can help anyone who's listening if you want a coupon code and you're interested in making a website there is no other way to go

than squarespace.com slash pka. It's the all-in-one platform. It makes it fast and easy to create your own professional website, portfolio, and online store. And for a free trial plus 10% off, you can visit

their website, squarespace.com and enter your offer code, which is pka at checkout. A better web starts with your website. I really like that tagline. I like that tagline, right? I like it a lot. A better web.

A better web starts with you. Chiz, you have to make – Kyle, did you finish your strawberry drink? I didn't. I don't know. Dude, I really don't feel like I should. Kyle, how many have you even drank? Let's be real right now.

Let's have a heart-to-heart moment. I mean, this is the fourth one, but I just really don't feel like i should how many have you even drank let's be real right now let's have a heart-to-heart moment i i mean this is the fourth one but i just really don't drink at all i'm on five and i don't drink either no you're bigger than me i'm 18 all right is that a fat joke you god damn it let me go get more hulu it's a fact you're bigger i'm 175 pounds right now! You're bigger! Just because I got a hundred on that doesn't mean shit, right? It's not fair! Let's calm down with the fat jokes with the dildo over your shoulder. What site should I make?

You said I should make a site or something. Oh, we should partner with Squarespace to make some sort of to make our own website. Something silly. It could be Sleeping with audio files for that shit. I want is gold people for those who haven't heard I've said nothing is sexier than going to sleep with Woody Snoring in your eardrum. I mean really well not even compose ourselves. We're like is he gonna keep going?

Oh, yeah, you don't know whether you should continue the movie or not because he's just snoring. He would sleep, wake up after a while for like five minutes at a time. It's a funny joke. He'd go back to sleep. But then at the end of the movie, he gave up. He passed out like 20 minutes. We left him.

The movie ended. The credits roll. And Chiz and I were like, all right, man. Good night. Yeah, good right, man. Good night. Yeah, good night, man. I'll see you later. We just leave. The next day, Woody's like, I don't know.

I just woke up and I had my headphones on. And then on Nightcrawler, we watched Nightcrawler. Which, by the way, Woody started the wrong movie when we started Nightcrawler. He was like, oh, look, Sony. And me and Kyle were looking at Universal. Can we really just let us sync up together? All right, let's see what we got here. Did you?

Give me a sec. What do we got here? Kyle, I have to say I'm disappointed you're not going to finish your stuff. That scared me a little bit. I'm not going to lie. Oh, it scared me a little bit. I watched this recently. Are you guys ready?

Are you queued up at zero? Yeah. Kyle? Yes. Ready, set, play. Now for those of you on the audio show, it's Gold Glove looking coily over at me. Very scary in the dark.

Listening to the news, obviously. What was this? Oh, this was... Just kind of panamizing what's going on. The first night. No, I don't even remember. What?

Wow, that was from 2011? I thought I saw a more recent one of these. That was from 2011. That's the worst. I've never gotten complaints about snoring before. And I think that is awful. No, you're fine. You're fine.

Everybody snores to some extent. I think I snore. You don't snore. Kyle doesn't snore. Woody is a goddamn Olympic champion when it comes to snoring. Because he does what someone with a sleeping disorder does. They sleep for a bit. They're quiet.

You think it's stopped. And they go, really loud. It's a major consideration for the paintball trip. Because it's like, all right, we got three rooms. So we got to rooms so we gotta like get woody and chiz and jill looks on and kyle all within three rooms i don't snore and it's like all right well i guess we'll put chiz in a room and woody in a room and kyle together that way it's like a it's like a math word problem like you have seven individuals two of which are one of them snores at the size of a musical concert going on right

in the background 300 decibels i feel like i'm up with i think i think woody is super self-conscious about it but me cow just find it hilarious like you know woody and the other snorer in the same way that way they aren't going to fight the story i didn't yeah because then it's like two ships passing in the night your snoring cancels out of this sleeping in the same house i didn't know because then it's like two ships passing in the night your snoring cancels out this sleeping in the same house I didn't notice this at all or maybe because you were two levels above me when it came to the house yeah I didn't notice that basement yeah I didn't notice that all but when it comes to watching a movie Nightcrawler by the way I didn't finish he he muted himself while watching the movie and then at the end of him went that was a good movie I'm

like is your sleep through he's like did you hear me story Mike now he didn't contribute a lot to prevent this situation whatever that Denzel Washington movie was wake up from you didn't wake up from that movie you were asleep for long periods of time you woke up the next day and went I guess I fell asleep it was 5.30 I had like a laptop on my chest

like the calls hung up the movie's over like everything's done and I'm like I had to like assess the situation I'm like alright they wrapped up without me yeah as soon as woody was like hey i can put the movie on my laptop and watch it on my bunk bed up here or whatever i'm like he's gonna fall asleep isn't he i know this man he's

going to fall asleep sure enough like three quarters away through the movie i've been sleep deprived since the day i became self-employed you've been sleep deprived since the day I became self-employed You've been sleep deprived since you got another house So November Well Since I started doing YouTube Instead of Cisco Oh not to interject again

Chiz looks like an 1866 chimney sweep So we all have to take a drink I'm on Wikipedia Taylor You're not, okay? You're not drinking enough. I just finished beer six. I'm going to get another in a minute. This is five for me, and I'm drinking tequila beer.

You're drinking some nasty, horrible concoction in a glass bottle is what you're drinking. You want to talk about sissy sips now? I'm making progress, I guess. I can't tell what's in that. If I get closer, you kind of can. That's what I did for one drink. That's an okay now. You've got to throw that back, Woody.

It's actually not as much as you might guess because it's filled with ice, too. Kyle, is the strawberry reds better or worse than the apple? I haven't tried the strawberry, but I've tried the apple, and it's almost as good as Angry Orchard. Yeah, I agree. It's as good as Angry Orchard.

Angry Orchard's got a little more bite than this does. No, no, no, let's all look at Woody Ray. Is that 5%? Yeah. Oh, that's the same as Angry Orchard then. Look at Woody Ray. It's pretty smooth. I love this, that everyone drank on the drinking episode.

Woody's like, I've had enough Woody's like I'm not enough to drink I'm not enough to drink you know what it's weird right because I sit here and I internally question as to whether or not I'm drunk on the other hand I just found my ceiling fan really entertaining right like it's fascinating

it's spinning up there and you have nothing to do with it it It's just going. You guys have a very different drunk experience. Taylor, I hope you die in a goddamn car fire. Am I faking it? Wow, look at that ceiling fan. That thing's awesome. You know how you can know you're not faking it?

Drink a lot more and then you won't have a choice. Taylor brings up a great point. I'm going to thank him for that one. I know I'm not faking it because when i walk down the hallway to get another beer i've got to touch the wall so i don't fall down i have um i do this for you people so when you write your hateful comments yeah i don't want all this dairy but yeah when i was coming back for some reason i thought that like until the last second I was like alright yeah I'll just headbutt the door and that'll help me like geolocate it

so I can get my hand on the knob I was like no no no abort abort it's not you in her room I'll just sonar this shit by hitting headbutting the door Woody's just loudly walking down the stairs in the dark trying to sonar the door

I just pictured Woody headbutting Coach's just loudly walking down the stairs in the dark trying to sonar the door. I just pictured Woody opening Coach's door and walking in like, oh, I'm going to do PKA. Dad, what are you doing in here? My office. My apologies. You want to talk about boyhood?

I'm going to pee. I'm going to I'm gonna pee Is it worthwhile to watch? It's a good movie For three hours it's still a good movie Yeah it's three hours It's two hours and 45 minutes I'm not gonna watch that

It's two hours and 45 minutes It's a good movie though It's definitely worth watching I liked it better than Birdman Birdman I respect it as a piece of work. I understand what it did. Really. I preferred Boyhood and watching somebody develop over time.

I enjoyed Birdman more because I never really felt connected with that kid. I thought he was always kind of a shitheel. And I didn't really care what happened to him. A shitheel? Is that a mispronunciation? Shitheel is not a word, Kyle. Shitheel is a word. It's when you step in shit and it's on your heel.

He was a shitheel. I think you meant to say shithead and that there should be some drinking. I think shithead was right. Google it. Shitheel is not a thing. How about this? If shitheel is not a thing, then I'll finish my drink.

If shitheel is a thing, then you finish your drink. I finished mine already, so let's Google this right now. Kyle, what you should say is shithuil. It's a shithuil. A shithuil. A shitheel is only a thing on Urban Dictionary.

That's where your source is. It's on Wikinary, too. Yeah, Wikinary. Some Wikinary. thing on urban dictionary that's where your source it's on wikinary too yeah wiktionary some wiktionary yeah a confused stupid and blundering person a fuck up it's kind of a thing i'm guessing it's a local thing but contipable person is that making fun of the tar heels i just wouldn't use that word like i would say he's a shithead who's emo like that's what the character develops into he's not a shithead he's just like an would say he's a shithead who's emo like that's what the character develops into he's not a shithead he's just like an emo like that's a good oh my god what is life what does life mean man he's like reading into shit more than what it really is i hated the gauge

earring i wanted to loop some fishing line through it and attach it to my truck what he really hated the cage earring for like the last three years of that kid's life. He's like, you still got the fucking earring, huh? You still got the earring. You haven't matured enough. The mom, Patricia, I think it's Patricia Arquette. I think that's the actress. So fat. She gained a lot of weight in the middle of the movie. Time was not good

to that woman. I think it was interesting. I guess it was, you know, that's what the characters were about, but like none of the characters you expected the Ethan Hawke's character, the father, was going to be the most irresponsible adult in the room. But in fact, he seemed to be the adult

who had the best plan for life. He just had two weekends. That's all he had. He wasn't a perfect person. No. And the mom was painted as this sort of sacrificing person. I don't know about that.

She was really fucking up. She really picked a bad husband. Yeah, exactly. If you're a good parent, you take your kids with you in that situation. Okay, I was about to go there too. I felt like they were saying this poor single mom doing the best she can, keeps running into bum luck, et cetera. But you keep running into bum luck.

At some point you start looking to see whether you're tracking. Yeah, there's a comments denominator in this. What's your quote, Woody? If you're always the victim, you're probably the problem or something like that. Did I say that? Fuck. I don't know if you said that, Taylor, but go ahead and give it to him. I don't want to give it to him then if

he hasn't said it because that is a lot of wisdom peppered in that. Well, it is his then. Something that can only become upon age. Hey, he's old. Give him the wisdom card. It's all he's fucking got, Taylor. God damn. He's got a great hairline for an old fuck. I don't have much gray hair either.

Like, I get some here. Get closer to the camera. I want to see. Do you have those stray silver I'm going to be honest. I was going to dye my beard for the show, but I didn't. There's a couple right here. I don't know. I can't, but I'll take your word for it. stray silver i'm gonna be honest i was gonna dye my beard for the show but i did like right here i don't know i can't but i'll take your word i can't they're really not much i think you're making a big deal but if you grew your beard out we would see a lot of gray yeah

so i've been accused of dying my hair many times i feel like the success kid meme like accused of dying hair i don't what are you doing k Kyle we know you're not gray you're fucking 28 come on now you're 29 so you can see how dense it is you've got a full head of hair my friend yeah you have no idea how coarse and luminous

this hair is the kind of volume I've got in there next time we've got to take it out they've got to use special scissors they've got to use special scissors. They gotta use special scissors. They have to use sheep shears when I go there. It's hard to get extra.

You ever see when they get those giant scissors out for the bridge openings and stuff? They get those out for me. The town hall opening? Yeah, exactly. The huge ones. They try to use the regular scissors to trim my eyebrow but it's like using those on steel wool that I know my God burn it off already like it's so fucked up you cannot fix it at this point I like it I

like it I'm a fan no no I love it Taylor I like it too that I've now you froze right there with that eyebrow I appreciated that. I don't I don't know how much longer we should go. No, you're sure burning off. You need to do the Squarespace read right now my friend. You need to sell the sponsor. We just did a Squarespace read.

Can't we wake Hope up again? Wow, okay. You have to understand I am the drunkest of the four of us here. I didn't realize we had already done that. I'm just gonna pee in a minute. Here's my read of the situation right now. Chiz is pretty hammered. Woody is feeling

drunker than he has in a long time, and Kyle is startled by the fact that he's already feeling pretty drunk, and he's not sure if he wants to finish his beverage and is trying to rush the... I would put Woody as number two, and as the drunkest, I can do this. Woody is number two on the drunk spectrum. Kyle is number three. Taylor, you're definitely the most sober.

I'm looking at your face right now. And you're fine. You're fine. You could go ride a bike right now and not fall down. That's what I'm saying. We should have some sort of a mental competition. Some sort of quiz. That's not fair. I'm just as drunk as Kyle, definitely. I have to pee

so bad right now. Okay, if you're a hundred if you weigh a hundred and fifteen pounds if you weigh a hundred and seventeen pounds and you lose eight pounds, what percentage of your body weight did you lose? Oh, god damn it. So you're a hundred and nine pounds at that point. You lost about ten percent. You lost about nine percent of your body weight. God damn it. So you're 109 pounds at that point you lost 764 about

10% you lost about 9% of your body about Go fuck yourself if you want accurate numbers Calculator I thought that was like The goddamn calculator Goddamn calculator What are you doing Woody That's so cheating He's like I'm over here

Doing math in my head And this fucker's Punching in numbers On a calculator I have a button on my keyboard That pulls up the calculator I'm like I'm gonna have an advantage

Over these guys 9% I didn't realize That it was supposed to be In your head No 9% is my number Everyone else guess afterwards

Alright A new A new A new one A new question That one got Wait can I get it right? I didn't do the math because he cheated.

Of course you did. Okay, you weigh 207 pounds, and you lose 14 pounds. What percentage of your body weight did you lose? Oh, I can't even do the subtraction. I want to say 7 pounds. 8%. So 7 pounds would be about... I'm going to say about 6, 6, 6, 6, 6 pounds. I'll say 13%.

13%. I said 14%. 13% is my number. I'm going to say 12.5. You said you lost 14 pounds. I'm the only one that's wrong. I'm either smarter than all of you or dumber than all of you. So, you're way off.

1% to have 7. But I do think this is good questions. Multiplied by... It should have been 06. Yeah, I'm right. It's about 13%, right? I said 14. Please, somebody who can operate a calculator at this point i think what he's like i was right

i think you said 13 pounds i said 13 percent not pounds so the thing is if you lose like 0.06666 you lose about 14 pounds 1379 i'm out mathing the fuck out of you people. I'm lost. Like, why are we like four decimal places away? Yeah, I don't know. How did you get that number? Like he said, 207 minus 14. So 207 times.0666 is about 14 pounds.

And that was the weight loss amount, right? Yeah. Yeah, so I got it right then. I mean mean people say it's just an estimate here's what happened is I took 207 I rounded it up to like 210 and then I figured that a third

of 210 is going to be about 7 and he said 14 so I figured it was two thirds like in a percent so.0666 that's how I did it everybody drink Woody did math pretty well i don't have any booze on me now i gotta pour i'll drink oh god damn it i gotta go get another beer hold on again this leads to myself and it's funny like i feel like so in that one instance anyway i was

the sharpest of the group yet i still feel sometimes like I might be really stupid. Well, to be fair, a lot of us are improper. That really hurt. That really hurt. I took a big shot of Jack. Remember I talked recently, like, am I dumb? Because I don't, like, remember directions or things? Something happened today, which sadly I can't remember.

It made me think, like, I might be of, like, significantly below average intelligence. We're all equal. And I'm going to ask you a question. I'm a TV show for – That wasn't the AMA. I'm going to ask you a question. If you had $100,000 and you had one month, six months, and 12 months, what stock would you put your money in? This will be a fun one for Woody.

Put all of it into soybeans. That's a horrible fucking answer, Taylor. Go goddamn burn in a fire. Is it bad? Why are soybeans bad? I don't know. Is there a soybean stock you can invest in? Is there an ETF for soybeans? Yeah.

They're commodities. Soybean International. SBI. They're huge. What you'd. SBI. They're huge. And what you'd be investing is that you're going to have, like, bad weather or something and that the soybeans are going to be better. Soybean futures. Yeah, soybean futures.

That would be done. All right. Hey, I'm sorry to interject. Go on. But I found a trivia website. Oh, yes! And here are a few categories. Pop music, movies,

geography, science, computers. We won't do computers. Literature. What is wrong with you? He's got two or three fucking degrees in it. I don't even know how many degrees the man has. I've got no degrees in it. If he were Neil deGrasse Tyson,

we certainly wouldn't do astrophysics. History of miscellaneous. Kyle, come on now. We do movies. Just because there's not a goddamn movie degree. I won't do movies. We're not doing Schwarzenegger quotes again. We know how that ends up.

Movies. Movies is the answer I get to fucking pick. Okay. So subcategories. Let's see. Action movie. I'm going to pick action movie and actor number one. Another subcategory.

Play. Play. Which actor plays the main male hero in this action movie? Triple X. Vin Diesel. Ice Cube. Vin Diesel. Woody wins.

I said it faster. No, you said it second, bitch. Alright, get it right. Which actor plays the main male hero in this action movie, The Mask of Zorro? Antonio Banderas. Antonio Banderas. You don't get to answer if you read the question.

Well, that's a damn shame. It does seem like you know the question first. Woody gets to read the computer questions. You get to read the movie questions. Antonio Banderas is, of course, the answer. Antonio Banderas. Question number three. Actor is a male hero

in this action movie. Death Wish, 1974. Wow. Nope. Those movies. Steve McQueen. Nope. I have no idea. I'm not good at the car i don't know

steve mcqueen was chopped with the car you know from the actor plays the main male hero in this movie? Dirty Harry 1971. Glenn Eastwood. I got Woody first. I did win. Oh, does that hurt? Same question. Who plays the main male hero in The Bourne Identity? Matt Damon. That's Chiz's question. Wow, I really thought it was me.

Okay. Which actor plays the main male hero in this movie? Taken, 2008. Liam Neeson. That's Woody's. He can't even say the name of the actor. Bullshit.

It's great. It's close enough. God damn it. Which actor plays the main male hero in this movie? Enter the Dragon, 1973. Oh, jeez. Bruce Lee. I'm out.

I'm out. Bruce Lee is correct, Woody? I'm crushing in this category. I hope somebody's keeping score, by the way. I don't think we need to. He's the main male hero in this action movie. Lethal Weapon, 1987. Bill Gibson.

Fuck. No, it's Bruce Willis. Go fuck yourself. All right, next question. Which actor plays the main male hero in this movie? Blade, 2008. Plus the snipes. The snipes.

The, uh, murker. Ah! I won. Question. Casino Royale, 2006. Red Pit. Uh, no, no, no, no, no. His name is, um, uh,

George Clooney. What is his name? That white cracker's name that doesn't do anything else but cino royale um al deniro or deniro deniro al deniro royale 2006 oh that italian dude the ugly one with the scar uh daniel craig daniel craig there you go was i half right i suppose that doesn't quite count we got an a um let's let's try another one so i think i won that one so our next uh one is gonna be should move to computer ones give me the link i'll uh is that what you just said is a subcategory yeah all right let's go.

Let's do the computer one. I'll read. All right, fair enough. This will be fun. As long as Woody's not participating, this will be fun. All right, so I'm just going to link you to the main page, and then you can select the subcategory. This website is TriviaPplaza.com. All right. I'm going to share this with everybody.

Computers. Ooh. Is there a subcategory? Do you need to drink for this chiz cigarette already, or is this a whole new one? I got to get in on the Corona. All right, all right. Yep, go.

The category is computer abbreviations. There are 10 questions. MB. Megabytes. Kyle gets one. Damn it. I'm so slow. KB.

Kilobytes. Kyle gets two. I was going to say killer boobs Codec The software used to compress video It's an abbreviation It stands for Codecs I'll give you some choices.

Encoded code, computer code, communication decryption, code or decoder. Code or decoder. Code or decoder. Kyle wins again. Oh my god. Unbelievable.

MBPS. Megabytes per second. Kyle won. You're all wrong. It's megabits per second but I guess I'll all right couldn't it be megabytes per second though no megabits per second well no don't give it never you it seems like a possible answer make up Kyle a fight is eight times a bit okay of course it is but it is it is It is possible. It is possible. Number five, ESC. Escape.

Yeah. God damn it. It's so simple. Oh, this one. AI. Artificial intelligence. It's not fair. He can talk quicker than me.

Merker, did you chime in or something? I was going to, and then they both caught it before me. Okay, I guess Kyle, then. Why Kyle? He's got four already. I think he beat you. To me, my head is between Merk and Kyle. OS? Operating

system. I did not expect Kyle to crush and lose like he is. Bullshit! IO? Information Outlook. That is bullshit. IO. Information. Outlook. Image operating system. Introverted owls.

Input output. Silly heads. Oh, okay. CD. Compact disc. Nice. I beat Kyle on that one. Yep.

Sure you did. That works. She's got one. GB. Gigabyte. you did. That works. She's got one. GB. Kyle again. Last question. Computer abbreviations. Oh, that was the last question.

Nicely done. Champion! Kyle's got it. This is so not fair. If I wasn't drunk, I'd have got 100%. Wait, that's an easy cop-out. Here, I have my own question%. What? Wait, that's an easy cop-out here. I have my own question right now. Name a style of hat that looks terrible on anyone.

Name a goddamn crooked eyebrow that makes you want to punch the user in the face. It rhymes with owl. I don't even know the style of hat. Is it paper boy? It's paper boy. I'm on Wikipedia. I'm going to go ahead and say that Taylor was definitely in last place that time, so he gets to host the next round.

But he also picked the category. If you want a choice, Taylor, that's what I was going to pick if I was still in charge. I would love some science or history. It was history. Yeah, that would make sense because

I can't remember the band names. I'm gonna go broad with history. Oh, I guess you can. Oh, mixed general history quiz. Okay. Which of these countries is not a permanent member of the UN Security Council?

France, Germany, Russia, or the UK? Russia. France. It's Russia. It's Germany, you idiots! Yeah, I should have said that. Everyone wants to burn your face

because of that eyebrow alright this country gained its independence from which country the Bahamas in 1973 gained their independence from which country England not even an option

USA Netherlands UK or Spain Netherlands oh it looks like Woody's coming away with that point he was the only one alive USA, Netherlands, UK, or Spain? Netherlands. Oh, it looks like Woody's coming away with that point. He was the only one alive during that, so it makes sense. The English monarch Mary II represented which house? The house of Hanover, the house of Plantagenet, the house of Stuart, or the house of Tudor? Hanover. Tudor.

That's not an option. Tudor. That's not an option. Tudor. It was Stuart. I was the closest. It started with an S-T. I got a half on that one. All right. Oh, are you fucking kidding me?

That's retarded. That's what I'm thinking. I was asking for a specific article of something. UN soldiers are often referred to as blank helmets. Blue helmets. Oh, I just lost everybody's video feed. That is correct. That is correct, Kyle.

Well done. Where did this battle occur? The siege of Tobruk. Say again? Or when did this battle occur? I'm sorry. When did this battle occur? The siege of Tobruk of Tobruk. Say again? Or when did this battle occur? I'm sorry. When did this battle occur? The Siege of Tobruk? Tobruk?

1917, 1972, 1948, 1941. 1917. Incorrect. 1941. Hey, reset your camera, because that's bullshit. It should have been right. Did everyone else lose the video feed, too? Do you see my camera?

Oh, is it at four hours you lose video four hours oh yeah we're four hours let's restart the call yeah let's restart the call real quick all right and then there's a way to call again here it is all right i am here. I'll accept this from Taylor so I can see his gorgeous face. Sweet. Everyone's even in the same spot. For some reason, you're all... Everyone's darker, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I thought it was just me at first. I don't know what's up with that. President Gamal Abdel Nasser was a leader of which country? Egypt, Iran, Jordan, or Saudi Arabia? Egypt. Jordan. Saudi Arabia.

I don't know. I wasn't paying attention. It is Egypt. Okay. By the way, Woody, we can't see your camera. What the hell? I don't know why we're darker. What the hell?

There we go. He just fixed. We still can't see you, by the way. I hear you. I don't know that I'll be able to fix it before the call ends. Alright. This is the capital of which country? Nauchachot.

Now, now... Ghana. Nauchachot. Are you serious, Woody? Because you're wrong. Let's wait for the options of the city-state no one can pronounce. Ghana! I know this one.

All right. Well, I accidentally clicked the answer, and I don't know how to get back without resetting the whole question. Well, fuck it. Make up some countries, Taylor. It was Ghana. Oh, it was... Nigeria. It was Belize this country is located in which continent dominica south america europe

does seem like a good guess not an option it's north america north america good morning america you're correct chiz what is the tallest mountain on Earth when measured from its oceanic base below sea level? Oh, shit. It's not Mount Everest. There's a 0% chance any of you know what these options are. Mauna Kea, Mauna Loa,

Kilauea, or Kohala. We need a new category. You stay correct, America. there's a 25% chance I know this now when you give me the options it turns into a 25% chance

alright who wants who wants a question about science science question we're moving categories okay we're moving categories we're really gonna be

loading takes too long please reload this page that's not a good question 404 refresh f5 yeah yeah i'm is that a 404 everyone takes too long yeah no i thought 404 was when it completely timed out 404 is page not found I don't know what else it's thrown for but it's typically page not found alright well this trivia isn't fucking working

okay I will do the next one then because mine is working we're going to do music inventors that's not good Eli Whitney cotton gin Music? Inventors? No, that's no good. Let me pick... Eli Whitney, Cotton Gin.

That would be my only answer for all of them. I'm going to pick... Computers? And I'm going to pick... Deaths in Years, Prime Ministers, Events in Years, Leaders in Countries, Famous Ships, Famous Explorers,

Seven Wonders of the World. Seven Wonders of the World. and years, leaders in countries, famous ships, famous explorers, seven wonders of the world. Seven wonders of the world. Alright. Should be able to. What was the approximate original height of the Great Pyramid of Giza? Was it...

700 feet. Let's wait for the options on these types of questions, alright? Was it 316 feet. Let's wait for the options on these types of questions, alright? Was it 316 feet? 153 feet? 481 feet? 316. Or 645 feet? 645.

316. C, final answer. Correct! Wow! C, the answer. Correct! C. Well, it already disappeared because I clicked two wrong answers because of you and Chiz, but C was the correct answer.

Whatever I said. Most of the seven wonders of the ancient world were destroyed by what? Was it A, plundering, B, flooding, C, arson, or D, earth flooding? So Woody says plundering and he is wrong? Flooding.

Was it arson, flooding, or earthquakes? Flooding is wrong. Earthquakes. Earthquakes it is. This is bullshit. Which of these seven wars was constructed in order to celebrate the successful repelling of a siege by Demetrius Polyacertes, son of Antagonus I in 305

BC? Was it the lighthouse of Alexandria, the Colossus of Rhodes, the statue of Zeus at Olympia, or the temple of Artemis at Athesis? Temple of Artemis. Colossus of Rhodes. Uh, one of the ones. It was indeed the Colossus of Rhodes!

Don't fuck yourself, Dan! Oh! Which of these is not considered to be one of the ones it was indeed the colossus of robes don't fuck yourself which of these is not considered to be one of the classic seven wonders of the world is it the ishtar gate of babylon the temple of artemis the lighthouse of alexandria or the statue of zeus at olympia the statue of zeus at olympia yeah no one respects that one unfortunately no temple of artemis she is would you like to take a guess she's left Yeah, no one respects that one. Unfortunately, no. Temple of Artemis. Chiz? Would you like to take a guess? Chiz is left. Well, then no one wins. It was, in fact, the first one.

Wait, what was the first one? Oh, the Mongolian Gate? The Gate of Ishtar or something like that. Ishtar? Oh, I thought that was definitely one. Yeah. I decided to leave this because this is stupid. Alright, so everybody drink because Chiz left and I can't see Woody anymore. Next category is pop music.

I won't. I don't. Did you drink, Marka? You tried to dodge it. Oh, you made up for it. Never mind. You tried to dodge it Oh you made up for it Nevermind So our next category will be I'm going to grab my last one real quick

Um We're going to go with uh Christmas lyrics So These words are from which song So These words are from which song? I want to wish you a Merry Christmas From the bottom of my I want to wish you a Merry Christmas

From the bottom of my heart Fuck I've heard it many times Oh Oh I want to wish you Taylor's onto something I've heard it many times. Oh! Oh! Taylor's on to something. Feliz Navidad.

That's right. Good call. Next question. These words are from which song? And if you ever saw it, you would even say... Correctamundo. And if you ever saw it, you would even say... I don't know if the red-nosed reindeer. The red-nosed reindeer. God damn it, Woody. Correctamundo. We have a category.

These words are from which song? White Christmas and I'm blue. Like fireworks with no fuse. What the hell is that? Is it A, Have Yourself a Merry Christmas? B, Wonderful Christmas B. Wonderful Christmas time False Christmas without you or

Lonely this Christmas Everyone fails It was C. Christmas without you These words are From which song Hark now hear the angels sing A new king's born today That man will live forever

Because of this Christmas Little drummer boy Is not one of the Possibilities What? I'm not sure about that You can just say Reindeer really fast

Every question It's something with Bethlehem in it. It is not. Mary's Boy Child, River, Pretty Paper, or Auld Lang Syne. Auld Lang Syne. False. It was Mary's Boy Child.

No one was going to get that one. And I've heard of it. Dashing Through the Snow. This is objectively the worst set of questions why are they all christmas themed oh because that's the category i wasn't here for that my bad all right all right i've changed the category so now we're doing uh um let it snow we could do american idol all right let's go ke Kelly Clarkson. Former Beatles. You wanna do Beatles hits? Former Beatles. Yes, Beatles hits. Go.

Former Beatles. No, I won't know any of that old garbage. Fuck you. How about... Former Beatles hits. Go. Question. Alright. Okay. You don't get to give home field details. I'm scrolling. Jesus. Alright, here we go. Okay. You don't get to give home field details. I'm scrolling. Jesus.

All right, here we go. Which of the former Beatles members had a U.S. or U.K. solo duet or group hit single with this song? Uncle Albert, Admiral Halsey. George Harrison. John Lennon. Yoko Ono. It was Paul McCartney. Yoko doesn't know. Paul McCartney was pickartney. John Lennon and Paul McCartney

are the only two I know. I'm just going to bounce back. Poets, geography. I don't know why. Why? Bodies of water. Last one. Last one.

Which body? Absurd. Which body of water is this Which body of water is this What Let's keep guessing Describe the picture Describe the picture Dead Sea

The picture is to the east of Australia Between Something like that The options are the Band of Sea The Coral Sea The Band of Sea ocean indian ocean something like that and the options are the band of c the coral c the f4c the band of c the other one i'm guessing tasman c and i'm right that's bullshit you have a bias in this that's not even fair you were able to guess Is this

Everybody drink is letting The hell of a category where there's a picture involved we can't I'm gonna hold one two Okay, okay, I'll do the categories now. What number am I thinking? can go. Is it 71? This is bullshit. Describe this red ball. Did we pass four hours? I think it might be time to go. We're not there yet. I don't think we should continue.

I really feel like I should. We're not done yet. I just opened another beer. I could go eat. You had like two pieces of pizza. You're the only one that ate. I ate three quarters of that pizza. That's not even fair. It was called Bessie's Revenge. Taylor hasn't even

raped anybody yet. Look at him. He's complacent. He hasn't peed or done anything at that screen. I have peed and I haven't raped anyone ever. I don't know where that came from. He hasn't even raped anybody. any time we've seen you intoxicated you get pretty out there my friend there's that one time

putting see grace caught him on the marijuana and crazy person she caught me after I just smoked three pots put together a rape squad killer package for the uh for the paintball event with like with like the zip ties and uh and plastic gloves and there and duct tape like just as a it's a good idea to sell that to children you're right continue what are they gonna do with it it'd be like yeah the plastic gloves for if you get paint on you and you know the zip ties they keep you said surrender so i zip tied him in this back alley over here i'd love to be able to take prisoners like legit knife like who's that tied up that's billy he's from team a we're negotiating with the other team right now you might want to leave you want to rough him up a little fuck him you can shoot him

in the foot he won't cry. We promise. Alright, so this episode was brought to you by Squarespace and a Coco terrible beer. Not that horrible concoction you've been drinking. Corona, the beer of people who watch anime.

If we're going to pimp someone, it should be Gamma Labs as a drink. Gamma Labs. Because they pay me. Or maybe Kahlua. You should not be drinking Gamma Labs. I did. I drank it at the start of the show because I was a zombie.

I want to see a Woody Kahlua commercial where he's just hammered on it and being like, I drink Kahlua over three times a year. No, I all have a glass one time, even two, before a show. Crazy and put on Sarah McLachlan. If I'm ready to nap at the start of a show, Gamma is my answer.

Glass of shard. Well, I think that was a good show. Drinking episode. Everybody drank. That's more than I've drank was a good show. Drinking episode. Everybody drank. That's more than I've drank in about two years. You only drank four, Kyle? I only drank four beers. I'm sorry. Seven.

I don't know what I did. You're at least that much bigger than me, so it's equal. Mine's hard to measure. That's not even accurate at all. Yeah, and that's not fair saying I didn't drink that much. I mean, this is number six of this really gross tequila. Hey, you purchased that.

I didn't know. It looked like a fun box. You're a drinker. You know what is going to taste good and what isn't going to taste good. I was beguiled into it. I had no idea. People for the drinking episode 2 should be like, well, I'm gonna get a fifth of that

and a six pack of this because I know what I'm all about. I just realized I have all this, like, rendering and tech work to do while drunk after this. You're asking yourself and me. Alright.

Well, good luck with all that because I've got some sleeping to do. Fuck you. In the nicest possible way. I mean, in a loving way. Like in the context of a happy relationship. Rock on, Taylor. Or Kyle. Because always sunny.

Oh, that was really funny. It's a good episode, right? Very good episode. All right. Squarespace. Who's watching us? Go there. Crunchyroll. Go there. Crunchyroll. Go there. Go to Squarespace. episode right all right who's watching house go there crunchy roll go there crunchy roll go there

make a space make a website on squarespace and advertise crunchy roll on the squarespace website and don't ever buy a hat you're almost drunk enough to be able to wear that hat that's great if you judge me you're a horrible person right now oh that's great all right let's give it up what why is there such an infatuation why did we start wearing the hat well no one else wears a hat like that so we're curious yeah i was given this hat and i like this person that gave the hat like you? Yes, it was my father. They liked me. Were you bad as a kid?

I was not bad as a kid. Were you standing on a street corner going, President Johnson, read all about it. Hey, read all about it. I was not a cobbler, if you will. I was not a cobbler. Why is there such hatred for this hat? Well, a cobbler makes shoes.

I think you're thinking of a crier. Shut up, Kyle. Yes, you're not a cobbler makes shoes. I think you're thinking of a crier. Shut up, Kyle. Yes, you look like you're not a cobbler. You're a crier or a chimney sweep. Oh, I'll sweep your chimney for three pence. That's what you were doing. But what is it? So your father gave you the hat, and you said, oh, this is perfect.

This is my new style. Yeah, because it's better than a ball cap. And that was 1989. It was 30 years ago what you should have said was dad you're trying to make me look like an asshole Alright. The pants are coming off.

You can't see, so that's not even fair. Alright. Thanks for listening. We'll do another drinking episode. Tell us what Woody looks like with no pants on. You can't see right now. Apparently there's a whole scuffle going on as he takes his pants off. Shit is falling.

A knife and a money clip fell out of the pocket. I don't know if the show is still going on or not. It scuffle going on as he takes his pants off. Shit is falling. A knife and a money clip fell out of the pockets. I don't know if the show's still going on or not. It's definitely going on. Oh, yeah, this is happening. We're at, like, three hours and 45 minutes, at least. Right? Taylor, right? We're right about four hours right now.

Wait, last hour. Don't we have to finish our drinks? I refuse to finish the rest of that fucking drink. You're a goddamn Olympic athlete athlete and I expect more from you Lightweight and I don't drink very much Yeah Plan to cut with that. I don't know I have lots of knives. I have not you have so many knives. What's wrong? I

Don't know what to say What So what happened to the orange knife? It's in my pocket. Yeah the orange knife because I got my Amazon knife right here. Oh. See I got my knife from Amazon. Where's yours? It's right here it's in my pocket it stays in my pocket. I can cut all kinds of with this knife. Mine's a pain in the ass to get out, but it's better than no knife. I can cut all kinds of shit. Alright, this is only going downhill. We gotta nip this in the bud. Taylor, fix the fucking eyebrow before you

call the show. I feel like this is fun. I don't know what other people think of the show. Woody's not snoring right now, so that's a big shocker in my book. I'm having fun. What kind of gun was that kyle oh that was my lcb i thought that's what i thought it was 380 right yeah whip out your 1911s like this no fingers on the triggers wait wait you know what fingers on the triggers fuck

this show i just thought maybe alcohol and firearms are not a good thing yeah probably not they're not loaded, though. Kyle's smart enough not to pull the trigger. Come on, man. Yeah, just the same, man. You know, even if Kyle is smarter than a normal guy in his most drunk state, someone will judge. Probably so.

They're not loaded, though, like I said. They shouldn't be judging us at this point in the show. They really shouldn't. All right, Crunchyroll. Subscribe to them. Get us back on top. Crunchyroll.com slash pka. Go watch your amazing anime right now. I recommend Ruby.

Go watch it. It's guns and stuff. What did Hope recommend? She recommended some sort of swim team. Flea? Free, I think. Free. There you go. That was close. Is that the swim team. Flea? Free, I think. Free. There you go.

Yeah. That was close. I think she liked the... Is that the swim team? I don't know. I thought she did a good ad read, but I might be biased. I can't tell. Yeah, she definitely killed it. She's got a career in this.

Yes. All right. You're all looking to end. Okay. Painkiller already. Episode 220. The drinking episode. Check out our sponsor.

The drinking episode where everybody was held accountable and everybody drank for the first time. Taylor didn't bash someone into depression. I love that. All right, 220, there it is.