Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #221

Episode Date: March 19, 2015

This week on PKA, the guys rate various women across a multitude of subreddits, new trucks are discussed and a very unfortunate subreddit relating to corpses is stumbled upon.

and we're live there it is late start welcome to the show this episode of painkiller already which is episode number 221 221 is brought to you by dollar shave club we've been using dollar shave club and i do mean using dollar shave club for for several months right now and i really do think it's if you're a shaver i think it's the best ticket because you're getting your razors at a third the price. They just show up automatically. It's like what he always talks about getting his batteries through Amazon because they're going to be there. You don't have to worry about remembering to go to the store and fight that guy at the pharmacy in his lockbox.

They just show up. And right now, I've got razors piled up. I guess I don't shave because I don't use a razor for my face because I don't want to look 14. I shave other areas and therefore I really don't go through as many razors as I get sent every month but plans start at as little as $3 per month signing up only takes 2 minutes and there's no membership fees and no commitment plus they have a money back guarantee so really you have nothing to lose

so try dollarshaveclub.com slash pka today I wish you had sooner and I gotta say i i kind of hate to say this but i may need to get some one of those money back guarantee i had an incident with uh with their razor which must be made out of valerian steel i had a little slip i was i was trimming up it's sort of like i believe it's called tyrian steel or baratheon steel no no regardless it was a user error and not the problem of our friends at dollar it's valyria it's not their problem do you blame gun owners responsible gun owners yes come on kyle you should be a responsible razor owner. You should know these things. So I was in the shower. I was trimming up, and I was shaving sort of the top of my ass crack area, and I slipped.

It was literally my last stroke. I was done. This was the last little bit. Oh, you got cocky, didn't you? You thought, well, we got through this much of it. Let's just hurry this up real quick. Let's get this done. And I cut the top of my ass crack.

And there's no way to really tell how much you're bleeding in the shower unless you've hit a main artery or something. I didn't think anything of it, but I got out and I toweled off, and there's blood all over the towel. It was a substantial amount. They're sharp. Kyle, you've got to shave across. You don't do this with the razor.

No. I can just imagine he's going for the ass crack. He goes vertically, right? Just one swipe vertically and that'll get you. First of all, one swipe vertically would get us nowhere. And second of all, I was totally going like side to side. I'm talking about vertical. Kyle, everyone knows side to side is for attention.

My wife shaves her privates with Dollar Shave Club gear. No incidents whatsoever. I like the gun on our argument. You know? All I'm saying is someone owes me some new towels. And by the end, I just had to get a whole bunch of Neosport and cake it onto the wall. There's no band-aid. Did you have to lay on your stomach and watch TV the rest of the night?

Your girlfriend's coming in, Kitty's coming in. Can you bring me some coffee? Oh, I'm so tender. And then just, you milked it. It wasn't that bad. It was a situation where, like, yeah, I had to neosporin up back there, and I took a little toilet paper and put it back there, like some sort of manly tampon, and by the end, or I guess

maxi pad in this situation. A manly maxi pad, you don't hear that a lot. You don't. No, you shouldn't ever. You shouldn't ever. I don't know if anyone's ever had a bleeding wound in their ass crack before, but it just doesn't stop. Was it at the point in the ass crack canyon where it's coming to back, to your back,

where it's kind of evening out, or was it, oh, so it wasn't deep crack. No, it's in the crack. It's definitely butt crack skin. Okay, it was, if like this is where the ass crack starts and then it goes down, it was like this far down into the, it was at the top of the ass crack. It wasn't the Marianas trench of your ass. You didn't get deep. No, but it definitely was painful.

That's the worst nick I've ever had with a razor before. That was terrible. How many towels did you ruin? I ruined one for sure because it was white. Like the towel that was like hanging there as I got out was white, and I didn't realize how much I was bleeding until I had blood all over it. So that one, I mean, when I say ruined, I just mean like when Woody comes over, I won't give him that one.

Like it's fair. It's cool, dude. Fuck, like why would i care it's now a once a month towel absolutely yeah well either way you don't just get the great razors i also like the pamphlets they send you with facts about presidents and whatnot to read while you shit it's it's no that's that's a real feature like when i get those little packages you open it up you got the razors, and then they also have a big pamphlet of little fun facts

and then a number problem that you can sit there and get frustrated with while you're taking a shit and then decide it wasn't worth it anyway. You know? You decide the pooping wasn't worth it? No, the pooping's always worth it. The math problem on the back of Dollar Shave Club's thing. Some of those are tough. I didn't know about this.

I just read the corny thing on the front. Is it a quote? I don't remember what it is. I thought it was an ad. Like, it was a copy. I don't know. Do you have it handy, maybe? Could you get it?

No, it's good for, like, one or two poops, and then you're like, am I going to keep this thing that I'm reading and pooping around? Like, I'm not going to keep an archive of these things for guests. Maybe you could. Laminate them. So dollarshaveclub.com slash pka. It's $3 per month.

That's where the plans start at. It really is worth it. So check them out. Make it happen. Absolutely. You've got nothing to lose, but everything to gain. I think I saw that on like a late night sex commercial. You know those like call busty babes at 333, pay $5 a minute.

You can really see like all the faults in humanity displayed right there on television late nights. If you watch late night TV tv and i mean like broadcast tv you'll see it you'll see weight loss stuff like all these crazy weight loss programs whether it's an ab roller or whether it's some juice you've got to drink you'll see the sex stuff you know it's it's kinky babes it i was gonna say i haven't seen this for like 15 years last i remember is girls gone wild being the thing you'll see-making schemes for those who are out there who are having a hard time and they're desperate. Come here.

Pyramid schemes, that sort of thing. Is the guy with the question marks on his blazer still prominent? He was legit though, right? Didn't seem legit. So the guy with the question marks on his thing, he wrote a book about tax loopholes to help. How can he be legit? He has question marks on his thing, he wrote a book about tax loopholes to help.

They're like, you know, you could. How can he be legit? He has question marks on his blazer. Well, he's appealing to a different. Loopholes implies that it's not totally on the up and up. Judging by my house renovation, I'm not good at spotting con men. But I saw a guy with question marks on his blazer from a mile away. No, I'm almost 100% positive.

I'm trying to turn my volume down, but I just took a picture of myself. And I did it again. Stop. I'm almost 100% positive that the deal there was he was showing you all these tax loopholes and these ways to get government grants to do projects and stuff. The government grant stuff, I think I read about that and it wasn't that legit. I don't know about... The government doesn't just give away money

to people who want to start small businesses. You're telling me the guy with question marks on his jacket lied. Apparently there aren't tons of programs for just giving away money to people who want to start businesses. They don't give away money, but oftentimes they'll match funds or they'll pay a percentage. Like if you want to start businesses. Don't give away money, but oftentimes they'll match funds or they'll pay a percentage. Like if you want to drill a well or if you want to in some way create some improvement, especially agriculturally,

there's a lot of money there. There's stuff like that. If you're a farmer in the Midwest who needs to do some irrigation, they'll match your funds on your new irrigation system or your new board. Yeah, you just got to contact Tim's Tax Tip Emporium with that guy tipping his hat. Yeah. We were talking about Reddit recently. Merc, are you fairly new to spending any decent amount of time on Reddit?

I mean, I've been on there for a while. Well, I guess not. I've never really participated or anything, but it sounded like you just recently like dove into it in more than a glance. Going into more stuff. Yeah. Like experimenting to the level you guys do with your hundreds of lists of porn sites, oddly specific,

you know, FedEx stuff. That list is constantly being refined. I should give you the, you know what? Would that be fun to look at my list give you the you know what would that be fun to look at my list i don't know if you're i feel like you're gonna show something you don't mean to show like your list is literally like a category of like your favorite pornography it's not though i'll tell you why um because it started as like a generic one that uh that like lots of people i guess reddit somehow

put together a list of naughty subreddits and then just over time i've been like adding and removing but there's a lot of stuff in here that i did not choose like i i hey honey i was just saying nothing i don't even know what farm boners is this is guy talk you gotta go all right now on to your list so that isn't at all reflective of your sexual desire yeah um like i think i just spotted wife sharing and that one in particular is more of a turn off for me so yeah wait it's all alphabetized that's another one that that's when the ladies are it's it's it's usually a british uh subcategory dogging from what i understand or perhaps European if you will. Someone read down this and know that a lot of these were not because of me. Drunk girls.

Farm boners. Festival sluts. We got a lot of anal options. We got anal X, anal GW X, anal wreckage X. Annoyed to be nude X. Anal.

That X is just a copy paste thing. It looks like you can hit X to remove it and when I just paste it in there it's stuck an X on the end of a line. Biting her lip? That one actually was me. Pet play. I don't know what pet play is. I'm imagining it's some sort of sex with your pet.

It's like titty dog. Oh, no. These are girls that are wearing... I just clicked on it. These girls, like, one of them has a... What is a hairband called? Like, that goes across? Is it a beret? I don't know the word for it, but it has, like, ears on it. A couple

of these girls seem to have tails that stick in. Yeah yeah butt plug tails okay this one's a butt plug tail the other one just looking by the angle might not have been in the butt that's amateur hour if I've ever seen it before there's a few different animals you can go for with those butt plugs you can get

the pig of course with the little twirly pig tail this one looks like a squirrel yeah all the furry options sometimes they've got a material in there of course. And he with a tail. With the little twirly pig tail. This one looks like a squirrel. Yeah, all the furry options. Sometimes they've got a material in there so the tail will stand up, and sometimes it hangs down. So there's lots of options there.

Those are cool. Let's see. Prostitutes. That's a good one. Pussy mounds. That one was me. Pussy mounds. Yeah, yeah.

I think that's hot. Like, I don't know. when there's just some sort of there's mons pubis is the term for it and um and i find prominent mons pubises to be hot i think camel toes are hot like if the chick's wearing like really tight uh like pants or something you can see the you know the shape of her vagina you know back when i was like 14 years old or something and um this this girl who was also 14 years old but she was my co-worker's younger sister he was like 17 or something came in in a bikini and she was hot but he had no idea like in his head that she had entered any kind of like romantic zone right to? To him, she was still seven.

And I'm like, dude, your sister's hot, like really hot. And he's like, what? My little sister? He's like, where were you looking at her? And that was the moment that I had to like make a decision. Like, where do you look at a girl? Like, what do you look at a girl like what do you look at i scanned the whole area it's imagine it's like when in star trek when the enterprise shows up

at a new planet fucking full range spectrum scanners we get everything you go top to bottom and bottom to top and focus in on areas and then zoom out like look at everything the old ocular pat down there you go yeah assess the threat level yeah okay i'm gonna ask for um a ranked list let's let's look some of some of these i don't even know what it could be what is wood nymphs wood nymphs i guess the x is just copy paste so i'm i think that's going to be some young girls in the in the woods maybe dressed up like elves or something that sounds great like like fairies take a look see what wood nymphs is yeah that's what i imagine like a sprite or something um like cum covers fucking that's one

these are actually just hot girls posing in the woods like some of them reading leaning on trees oh this one has like ram horns black chicks white dicks that one i didn't choose uh big big tits small tits that's that's that's a single subreddit i'm a bit confused maybe it's two girls one with big tits and one with small tits side by side breast envy i like that. I think I should get rid of that one because I particularly, every time I see it, it's some girl that's a little bit chubby and some girl that to me is like really athletic and hot. And the implication is the athletic hot one envies the other.

And I'm just like, I don't agree with this whole subreddit oh so like fat people go there to be like yeah that's what's desired oh I'm overstating it no I think a lot of people would probably agree with the subreddit let me swear what was it called oh yeah in a canoe yeah here I'll give you a link there you you are. Double penetration. Double tit fuck? Is there a single tit fuck? Well, I imagine it's two dicks, not four tits.

So go to Breast Heavy. I just linked it, right? Thank you. See the top one? That girl with the bigger boobs? She doesn't... She's not my... That's not my perfect female form right there.

No, it's not ideal. Although the one on the left is just kind of gross looking. I definitely prefer the one on the right. See, none of them are models. But if you go to picture three, I would take... Actually, I can show this picture. Oh, I don't don't know i would definitely take the girl i think the girl with the big tits although she's she looks like she's like maybe

12 15 pounds over ideal those are massive tits and that girl is totally like she's transfixed i don't know if she's envious or she's wanting to get in there and just motorboat them like those are nice enormous tits and she's the best looking she's wanting to get in there and just motorboat them. Those are nice, enormous tits. And she's the best looking one that you can even see in that picture. The one who's looking envious is pretty ratty looking. And she's got a really unfortunate shape to her body as well. If you look closely around her love handle area, I don't know what that's about. What do you think it's about?

I think it's about poor genetics. That's what it looks like to me. It's about two people who should have never been allowed to mate. Or breed. So there's a whole subreddit for that. Breeding. Scroll down to... All right, let me ask you this, Woody,

because you have some interesting ideas about what is ideal when it comes to the female body. Scroll down to number five on the Boov Envy one. Okay. I just actually realized I hadn't set up the main screen version of our podcast so I'm doing it. Oh, whoops. No. Yeah, whatever.

Done. Alright. So, oh, as I look at picture number three and the first one, I actually think girl number two is hotter. No way. A lot of people wouldn't. Yeah, yeah. But I mean, I picture the rest of the package, right? Let's break it down.

I'm sorry? All right, let's break them down here. Okay, so the hair. They both got nice hair. I think number two, as we'll refer to her henceforth, she's the one in the center there. She has nicer hair. Are we on picture three of the first one? Yes.

Okay. I think she's got nicer hair. I don't think her smiles is nice. I don't think her lips are as nice. I don't think her nose is as nice. Picture the skinny girl in the orange and flower dress thing. Picture number three for me is

three women sort of... Well, there's actually four, but the fourth one's face is cut off. I think you're on maybe the third post and not the third picture of the first post's face is cut off i think you're on maybe the third post and not the third picture of the first post that is correct okay i'm on the third picture of the first post uh i'm on the third post let me go to where you are third picture of first post oh wow those are huge tits they're giant boobs they're they're bigger than double d's see what i'm doing is i'm inferring the rest of it right like i bet if you took both those girls just in uh in in panties

from the back girl skinny girl's got a better butt skinny no way sarah plain and tall over there are you kidding me i get this chick on the left's got a badonkadonk like like first of all she's got a black boyfriend and he is a very lucky man second of all they're plain and tall over there is gross looking she's got like a pancake ass and like rose really long like eraser nipples with hair on them she's gross no way you don't like that that laura ingalls wilder look no i i i think the taller one um because she's taller a lot of things look great on her not that particular dress but a lot of things do i bet you put her in like a sports bra and boy shorts and she's amazing i bet that from the back she's athletic and fit looking whereas the

other one is like threatening cottage cheese on the back of her thighs or you know if she's not there there's a hint of it arriving like 18 years old i think they're still good uh you probably it looks like a high school graduation or something but um uh yeah i just now i'll grant you that that dress doesn't flatter her right it doesn't show any shape or whatever but i'm picturing a pretty athletic girl there that that can rock it under the right circumstances number one's tits are so big they're invading number two's tit space

they are it's taking over they've moved into her titty space and they've taken over that zone of operation it's like she has negative tits because number one's tits are so big I need to go back to the other one I'm afraid that this subreddit is going to show something naughty.

Let's see. I probably will. Okay. Let's go to picture number two. Don't go to picture number four. Okay. Thank you for the tip. Picture number two.

What's it called? Unsuccessful arm block attempt. Okay. Okay. Both good. I think. I'll admit number two in this case has amazing boobs right in the first one in my head they were too big but this one i can definitely see a market for these boobs i still like lefty no i like lefty because she's sitting there with her legs spread on the on the table i imagine she's like sort of casual hippie kind of free

flowing um again i think she looks great in a ton of different outfits she i imagine she's like sort of casual hippie kind of free-flowing um again i think she looks great in a ton of different outfits she's athletic she's i think lefty is uh is the one to go with it's it's a hard call i think they're both uh very pretty i think number one's probably probably has a prettier face number two's rocking an awesome jawline she's got yeah she's got she's got some dimples going on i don't know number one number one's got a great chin there she's she's got kind of a dimpled chin they're they're both very pretty number one is prettier though um they're both tan they're both uh in good shape number one neither one of them look toned

that I would... I don't think. If anything, number two is maybe more muscular. Number one kind of looks like a... I don't know. She could have a really flat... She could be really flat as well in the back. She may not be athletic. She may just be really skinny. And number two looks pretty skinny as well.

I would go number two. I imagine she has love handles. And another thing that I think I do as an older guy is i project 20 years on to them and and imagine how they'd hold up number one nice just 20 robbing the cradle woody i project 20 more years on to them not oh so um or maybe that was your joke anyway i'm sorry number one you add 20 years to her you know the face is going to be a little wrinkled it's not going to be what it was before but by and large this woman is going to age well you know even if you add 15 pounds to her she'll still look good she'll be the hottest mom at the pta number two over there is definitely going to be a heavy woman. I don't think that's guaranteed.

Of course, there's no guarantees. But I think she's, you know, my mom would have called her pre-fat. Pre-fat. Your mom's a mean lady. Mom knew a thing or two about fat chicks, I think. Sorry, Mom. Wow, she watches this. I'm horrible.

Mom, you're beautiful. Is your mom fat? Is that what you just said, Woody? watches this. I'm horrible. Mom, you're beautiful. Is your mom fat? Is that what you just said, Woody? It is what I just said. She's gone through phase. She goes up and down. Anyway, but this woman on the right, I think, you know, when she's 45, she's going to be like that woman who you bet cooks well.

All right, here. I got a clear cut one over here. Let's look at this one here. Let me make sure there's no nudity in the background. Yeah, let me double check. I've gone to the narrow screen. Whoa, picture number four has nudity.

Yeah. Oh, wow. So you like camel toe, huh, Kyle? I didn't really even notice that, oh, wow. All right, so this is... So you like camel toe, huh, Kyle? Well, I didn't really even notice that, to be honest. She doesn't really have a camel toe thing. There's nothing that you can't show in this picture. Everything's cool.

Yeah, so I definitely think number two is the clear choice. I agree, but she's what my mom would call pre-skin cancer. pre-skin cancer um yeah i mean the thing about number one is even though she's kind of small on top no that's not a flattering bathing suit or she has it like off her shoulders for tanning purposes is that her belly isn't like usually when i give the little boob girl the the thumbs up it's because she's got that flat tummy small butt whatever this number one's kind of pear-shaped i don't i don't i don't know i can't tell from that because when you sit up like that and kind of like good god bend your stomach it is an awkward angle is what public look at that i just meant like are they in public look at this picture no no this is a different one

this is okay all right i'm to go back to private view. I don't know what's coming. Look at these. Good God. I'm definitely in private view. I am. I don't think it belongs in the titty envy place because number one has huge boobs, but number two has fucking colossal udders.

Those things are ridiculous. I want to know. No, the envy is that lady in the back. Oh. Maybe. those things are ridiculous i want to know the envy is that lady in the back oh maybe um and i'll tell you this as an added bonus you can see number two's butt in the mirror in the window and you can kind of see uh what her figure looks like from behind just for science i'm checking here let's zoom enhance enhance enhance yeah you can see both of them in there

wow i can't really make out whether her butt's good or not but i can see that her back is awesome she's got that that like female form thing you can see that from the front too um yeah there's just no losing in this situation i will say number one is kind of a dopey look on her face all right so you cannot show this one but i mean you should see i want to see it exactly like i i felt like i couldn't be like oh i can't hear this just for science all right i'm in favor that lady looks like it looks like angelina jolie is torturing this lady's titties by like grabbing the nipples and doing this totally not Angelina Jolie

is the woman is like first she's shocked then she's in pain then she's in pleasure well they're totally at one of those creepy BDSM parties cause first of all creepy guy in the background with a camera just to the left of him chick in a dominatrix suit and if you don't notice her hands

are bound behind her back yeah this is a whole evening they have planned yeah this isn't just one one rigamarole with her boobs this is the beginning of something this is step one like we just got started here I'm gonna check the comments of that so my mom watches this show

and she never says like you know I saw you talking about boobs for 40 minutes on PKA. But she'll say things that imply she knows it. Like, oh, so Kyle's working out a lot, huh? And it's like, oh, fuck. She saw that. She saw that.

Maybe your mom just thinks, I mean, maybe she just thinks I'm attractive. Maybe that's what she's getting at. I think that's exactly what she's getting at. That wasn't a good example. But, yeah, she's just... She's just letting you know. It's like, I heard you talking about me banging your father really loud throughout your childhood last night.

Yes, yes, right? It's implied in there. I heard you talk about it seven times. If anyone wants to... Here's a really good example. If anyone wants to see the video that the gif we were just describing is taken from, go to xvideos.com search for bar sluts fucking in public it's a nine minute video that'll bring it right up that's not a very popular right up so look at these two now granted you can't see below the belly button very much one yeah number

one now number one i think is smaller than that top implies. That top is covering a lot more than it really needs to, right? Because she has small boobs but a big top on, like that bikini top. But – Is she someone famous or is she just – are these just randoms? Random as far as I know. Okay. And I think there are some people who would go for number two. Or number two if you just took a few pounds off.

A few? Number one, I mean there's a hint of abs in there. two if you just took a few pounds off a few number one i mean there's a hint of abs in there like if you look at you know below once you're clear winner there yeah number two is fat she is yes yeah i mean she's got that uh that six hour glass shape yeah yeah i could definitely see a wizard turning her upside down yeah you have this long to survive yeah she's very uh big in the middle and it looks like she i could see like she's the kind of lady who might have a happy trail though would he would that sway you to her side if she had like a really bushy happy trail i don't i've got weird well i think i'm partly gay they were

discussing this and on reddit but you know like like what percentage gay i am but when you throw in the like masculine jaw lines the small boobs and the happy trail like you just put make that a picture you know if you had a cock and could swim really good you'd be the perfect lady just like dylan back on the swim team in those good old days. By the way, it's late. Gamma Labs, keep me up. Buy it. Coupon code Woody. Make them like me.

They will like you. I think that you add 2% of gay every time you bring up that you don't think you're straight. I'm passing 100 at this point. Did you see this latest image i pushed there's nothing all right about it so number two is your clear winner in my opinion number three is not even an option and it's not because she's ethnic i i find she looks like she's uh indian or or or something i don't think anyone thinks it's because she's ethnic it's just clear that

she's kind of straight wasted and i really value the female hourglass thing, which I guess takes a couple of percentage off my gayness, right? It's got to come on. I mean, a hippie man would really do it for you. Like even number, number two is hourglass.

Number one looks a little, looks a lot like Howard Stern's wife, who's a professional model. Or at least she was. And it's a gorgeous lady. And it's about this tall. She like Howard Stern's wife, who's a professional model, or at least she was, and is a gorgeous lady and is about this tall. She looks like she's about six feet tall. She's got to be. And I think she's really hot.

Her face is very pretty, and the fact that she's tall is nice. But all right, let me break this down for you. So start with her arm. Look at the length of her elbow to her shoulder. It's way too long i know that's that's a nitpicky thing but it's kind of gross it's her arms are so big look at mma look at those fucking mitts how would you like her to grab your ass like like she could choke the life right out of you like a bouncer i'm not 100 sure she's always been a woman i'm not either look at

her all right look at her she's always been a woman. Look at her thigh. I see too much body fat on the thigh. First of all, if you look at her ass cheek and follow it from where the bathing suit ends. There's not cupping there, right?

There's a wavy line. She's got cellulite. If you look at the flat side, she's got stretch marks there, which aren't necessarily a sign. I think she's been unhealthy in the past. Or she's had a baby. No. I don't think she's had a baby.

Uh-uh. No. I don't know how you can tell if a woman's had a baby before. She looks too young. I don't think a woman who'd had a baby would be competing in this pageant. I just don't... Although I don't see her number, I'll say that. I thought the first two were very attractive until fucking

CSI Detective Kyle with the Special Victims Unit analyzed it, and now I don't know what to think. I still think she's good-looking. She is very good-looking. She's got a very pretty face, but everything below... but this is the pka show and our standards are very high Her stomach not fair that the girl in the middle is wearing those You can only see the okay parts of my face glasses like you don't know what's going on under there

I think she's pretty hurt just three is but it's not fair river bottom jaw She's got she's her teeth are a little bit big her Her eyes would have to be attached to her ears to be ugly with what we can see. When she takes those off and there's just a big hole there with like a silent thing going back and forth with red lights, I still think she's the hotter one. Yeah, she's hot. Now, why is number 12 competing? She looks shy? I think she looks like she just snuck across the border there or something like that i she's she's really just she what is this competition who knows it was on breast envy

uh yeah she's three shouldn't be there i i don't know why she is uh she's she's got a nice enough body and if you're just comparing her to like the rest of the population she's probably top 15 if you really start to think about how many here's what i want from you i want you to go back to college that dropout wasn't permanent i want you to meet a nice guy i want you to learn to cook hearty meals and live a happy life she already knows how to cook hearty all right hang on let's do a little more research here so this this is a pageant called Aleph's Angels. All right, let me find that. Let me see what this is all about here.

I hope that they are all former men who transitioned. That would make my day. That would be so funny. Is it as prestigious as the paintball swimsuit competition? Remember that? Were you there when I had that one really gross chick who was really drunk from the paintball competition? Yeah, I was there! Oh, that was great. They disqualified this

massive titted chick because she showed her tits. But she was threatening 40. That woman wasn't 22. That woman wasn't 32. I think she was 30, 32. She looked rough. She'd had a rough life. If she was 32, she had a million miles on her. I mean, she staggered over there, too. Disqualify me.

Disqualify me. I show my breath. It's like, we won't disqualify you over here. Let's see him. Dude, that attorney guy. we won't disqualify you over here let's see him dude that attorney guy he was a really smooth talker and

come over here love exactly appreciate your talents over here and we did I don't know who those are did she take her top off I don't remember I got next to one tit and Aiden got next to the other and we're just like yeah I don't know who those pictures are. Did she take her top off? I don't remember.

I got next to one tit and Aiden got next to the other. And we're just like, yeah! It was like huge, huge tits. That picture exists. I'll see if I can fish it out and share that one. I'll have to get it from someone. So these girls are competing in sort of a Harley Davidson calendar pageant type thing. That's what they're competing in.

And the tall one won, or these are just three competitors? They are three competitors. They're certainly not numbers one, two, and three because that just wouldn't make any sense. No. But number two, if you zoom in, you can just click the middle there. You can see the cut in her, I don't know what you call it. It's like where her belly sort of turns into her thigh.

There's a cut there, like where she's kind of, you know, she's toned. And that's really attractive. I think number two is definitely your clear winner here from top to bottom. Number one, it's got some crow's feet going on. She's got a chipped tooth. Do you have a link that we're supposed to be looking at? It's the main one

we've been looking at. Oh, okay. I've actually been scouting for my next one. She has a chipped tooth? You must have been excellent at Where's Waldo as a kid because I'm not noticing any of these things. Well, I'm just zooming in on all the things that I care about. Like, oh, look at number three. She's got something on her lip. What is that about? She's got some herpes or something going on

and her bottom lip is gross. Yeah, number three really shouldn't be there. I do like this picture. I think it's fun. We've been cruel to these three women for long enough. Let's see what you have. It's Katy Perry and the Hannah Montana chick chick i forget her name

oh um you can see sorry sorry in step one miley cyrus is like look at katie perry's excellent boob and katie perry's like so sad that's fun i like that yeah Yeah. Katy Perry has a bunch of I don't know, personality shots. Like you put a camera on her and she'll do a thing. She's quirky. Yeah. I think both of those two are. They're really good at displaying the image they want to the public

and making money off that. Ooh. Okay. I have the kind of image I've been looking for let's see it i think i'm just starting to look it over oh this is nice okay great so number threes are fake for sure like i think number three is intended to be the one you're supposed to like well mission accomplished yeah she's the best she's the best looking one. Number two is really good at her makeup.

She's trying really hard to make her nose look better. I think she's bad with the Joker lipstick. There's a lot of makeup in this picture. I think they all put too much on or it's something to do with the camera because everybody looks very shiny and if you touched them, you could hit your hands like an eraser

and it would puff out. I feel like if I motorboated any one of them my face would come away with tanned with fakeness like fake tan all over it it would be orange and smell weird for days but to me number one is the prettiest and and the way that she's athletic i i think she has the best body in the group number one but I think number three and four are the ones you're supposed to dig. Number four is not... Number four is my second pick. Really? I'm not sure about that. I don't know about...

They're clearly fake boobs. I just don't know. Number fours? Yeah. I've never inspected a fake boob up close i don't know they're just they shouldn't be doing that she doesn't have a bra on unless she's she doesn't have a bra on she can't she must not number one has a bra on i think i think you can see yeah you can see it this is bra for those of you watching number two has pretty boobs. They're just overshadowed

by the ridiculous ones the blonde has. And the picture didn't capture any shadowing in the dress and stuff to let you see it, but you're right. It's all crushed out here. You can see that it's there, but number one's my top pick. And I think she's not supposed to be. So I was saying, I don't like breast envy because most of the time when they say, like, look at this stupid one next to this hot one, I'm like, I think you guys have it backwards. Oftentimes, I think the athletic, skinnier one is the pride of the pack.

I didn't really see what you were saying as much, though, with it being a fat girl and her being the one where it's like, oh, look at her fat boobs and then a skinny girl being jealous or maybe we didn't look at enough the problem was when i saw those it seemed like i was looking for examples where you would prefer the big boob girl you being either one of you and i would prefer the smaller because some of the examples where that does happen i'm gonna go athletic wear porn i porn is just like what jesus christ if our great grandparents could see the porn we have access to it would just be like why can't you just masturbate like we did like instead of

just it's we've gone so far down the rabbit hole not us three probably us three but I know I have just everyone I know you have too Kyle with all your knowledge of motherless and e-fucked oh I found a good subreddit there's no way to get that in

which one did you like so this is called athletic wear porn I'll link you directly to it this was on your on a good subreddit. There's no way to get that in. Which one did you like? This is called Athletic Wear Porn. I'll link you directly to it. This was on your list. It kind of stuck out to me as something that maybe we could share with the audience. It seems to be several GIFs and it's lots of girls in yoga pants and leggings

and sports bras. I haven't found any that actually show nudity until you get to the sixth post. Yeah, six. Yeah, that's actually it. It just shows butt crack, but it's more than I want to risk. That's a lot of butt crack.

Yeah. Yeah. Number 18. Just double check to make sure I'm not showing that because that's a clear strike. Oh, yeah. That's no good. Wow. It just keeps going.

It's like. That's how you make movies. Where is the workout attire? Is she wearing a Fitbit? Yeah, okay. So 95% of this subreddit is like we just described. Women in leggings and stuff bending over and showing their nice butts. Sports bras, yeah. Yeah, this one, it starts with a woman in athletic wear.

She quickly takes it off and then it's a gift that's like Accelerates it's like it. She's getting fucked and Fucked harder and fuck harder She's sucking dick and sucking dick upside down and it's just like it's worse and worse as it goes It's very very quick cuts it's not like an ease into it porn it's like suckin it's not like an ease into it porn it's like sucking getting fucked come on this that this that this and we're in two sweat bands working out she has she keeps her sneakers on and um i guess they're leggings what are the what are those like thick socks those are like leg warmers like that's what i'm going for yep yep leg warmers

yeah that's well that escalated wow that is the best post on this one that's funny it goes from just people running on the beach and just being in the gym to just really hardcore porn yeah well okay I'm done with this one

this is just like walking through a fucking dicks yeah i can't remember which of these i added and which ones i haven't added like which ones i'm responsible for it's a pretty great list you've done well there 60 frames per second point is clearly the pride of this number 25 is just a girl wearing a nike t-shirt it is yeah yeah i saw that yeah there wasn't anything to that if you go to number 26 it's even it's even well now i need to go back working hips is um is a good subreddit it's not really appropriate for the podcast but it's a good subreddit well good to know reddit it reddit is really a one-stop shop for all your needs

i was just reading about how there's two reddits right there's like some people think of reddit as cat pictures and like where all the memes go and sort of clever age of the internet clever or not so clever you know internet jokes and soft and then other people like reddit is something very different i what did i just i heard of a subreddit oh oh i'm gonna mess it up but it was something like cute dead girls or cute dead corpses yeah that's cute dead girls yeah i no i think it's not that cute it's it's that and boiled down it may be worded differently but the gist of it is it's it's attractive dead girls i don't want to know about these things cute female corpses that's what it is it's cute female corpses i was looking at it today because i saw it mentioned like i said i was reading an article

about how reddit means different things to different people and um like to some guys reddit is like grumpy cat saying things about monday mornings to other people it's cute what was it cute female corpses dude that subreddit is fucked up like but they are cute you get there and you're like ah there's no way they're gonna be cute are cute. You get there and you're like, ah, there's nowhere there can be cute female. And then you get there and you're like, yeah, some of these corpses are pretty cute. Yeah. I don't know. I don't want to go there.

I'm not going there. You're such an idiot at lightweight. Like, there's been many times on this podcast where he's like, I don't think I want to be exposed to that. You know, like, he doesn't want the mental, like, baggage that comes with having seen stuff. There was a cute dead corpse on there and you're like wow sometimes they have living pictures of them so you can see how cute they were spoil me and then it'll be like juxtaposed with their dead picture and it's like it's especially shocking like you just like whoa and um i saw one oh and by the by the way, the titles. So the title in Reddit is a really big thing. You might think it doesn't impact you, but it totally sets the mood for how you're about to view the content that you click on.

like if her body's in such a position that like you can almost barely see up her shorts they'll be like oh i would love to slide my fingers in there and do this and that and whatever and then you look at the picture and you're like oh this is so horrifying it's awful i gotta all right let's i gotta go now i like no that's just i was really depressing i was teasing that fucked up degenerate do you have to be to not only start a forum like this, but then build up a community? What's it called one more time? Cute female corpses.

I'm here. Wow, autopsy pictures? Oh, that's her vagina from the other end. Oh, see? Oh! No, I'm good. It's right there. You can click on it. You know you want to. Oh my god. Her breast

implants flew out of her tits when she pit the ground. Dude, look at number 10 and read the title. I found this young couple. I'd put my fingers up those shorts and root around a bit. And then... Root around a bit? She like around a bit he's animals number two oh god go to picture nine there's only two uh you're not going to picture two of

post 10 oh i went oh i've got that um add-on so i i see it anyway like i don't have to click to see the maybe you do too yeah i've got the red enhancement suite but did you see you can see like upper shorts a tiny little bit and they're both dead bodies i guess they were were they maybe they were hit by a car because there's a broken taillight next to them dude it's number nine number nine okay the face of agonizing death jesus christ ah no way i'm going to this i can't even okay so that's a that's a tire next to her hip i don't really understand where the second half of her body is it's like crumpled up in that twisted mangled car oh what did you just see

oh which one number 15 this is isn't this really upsetting i don't this is why i do not want to see this stuff you're not gonna be able to get the pictures of those dead people out of your head oh i've seen 15 before yeah it was painful to look at the title of 15 is happily married six-month pregnant 27 year old with no history of depression left the note saying she was scammed and is sorry oh my god I would have paid good money to fornicate her during the act but it doesn't say fornicate yeah don't word fuck put that on there you wouldn't want to use obscenities while you're looking at all right that people. That person's decomposing. Oh.

Two local musicians motorbike so hard they accidentally turn themselves into objects. Picture. Oh. I want to find the one. Kyle, your face on this is just telling. I want to find the one that made an impact on me. The one? There was one in particular particular it said something about the

expression on her face and and just the um i just that is i'm still floored by the fact that this is a real thing that this exists ah this one I can even show I think No, don't show it to people. It's it's from the collarbone up It's still it's number 32 Kyle Okay, read the title okay read the title um her expression and body language say she won't mind being penetrated okay and then like in the left half of the picture especially

applied like what is she thinking she's dead she not thinking anything. But that whole won't mind thing, she has a doesn't care, like, spaced out look on her face. Oh, God. These two women have been de-limbed. They're just horse sucks now. Yeah. Yeah. At 33, that's, I think it's one woman. Yeah, you can tell because on the left left side there's like a birthmark there that's the same woman 35 has also been delimbed

i wonder if some of this is um uh like autopsy cartel stuff oh sometimes they kill in a way to send a message and they photograph it. And some of these look like that could be a thing. Use their hands to smack their head around. Or Hispanic looking. That's a lot of brain matter.

What number are you on? I'm scrolling back up looking for it Some of the it's so The thing is the titles the titles that were Burned into me right like No more bike riding for you What that's a dead person With blood all over the street Without legs

God anonymity brings out The worst in people Alright right all right i'm done with this worst yeah let's be done with this let's never refer people to this again now i think we really now we could look at the related subreddits and see where we go from there um so i'm just going to read them aloud take them as you will okay sexy abortions. Watch people die. Deformed. Raping women. Killing women. Fantasy.

In parentheses, actually. Fantasy. Beating women. Number two, because beating women number one, I guess, there wasn't enough beating. I imagine it got taken down. Probably. Pics of dead kids. Lady boners gone gory.

There's one called pics of dead kids. Hurting animals. Burning kids. Lady boners gone gory. There's one called pics of dead kids. Hurting animals. Burning kids. Hurt kids. Killing boys. And it's new. With an exclamation point. Yeah, it's new.

Featured Reddit. All right. I am done with this Reddit. This one is awful. I can't believe that there are... How many members are... In fairness to me, not on my masturbation list. There are 14 people on there right now,

including the two of us. It's about to go up. There are going to be curious people looking at this thing. Yeah, you should go on there and... There's no setting these people straight. Just leave it alone. You're not going to win any battles. Leave these people straight. Just leave it alone. Yeah, you're not going to win any battles.

Don't come kill Trump. Leave these people alone. They're going to put Rape Squad killers over all these posts. Now, that would actually be kind of funny. They're going to do something like that. You know, I have found, have you heard of eye bleach?

Yes. This is a concept where you see really cute puppies or something like that. It's actually effective effective it's a palate cleanser for me all right let me find is there let me go to the cute puppies subreddit i'm gonna look up eye bleach and hope that uh oh these are girls that's not what i. Well, there's probably a dead puppies subreddit, Kyle. Oh, there definitely is a dead puppies subreddit. That was quite horrible. Oh, yeah.

That was more moved in your face, Kyle, and I know it's probably because we're doing a show, but that was more moved than you were through any of the Motherless stuff or any of the E-Fuck stuff that we watched. All those people are dead. They're dead and, like, ripped apart in terrible ways. That's why I don't want to look at it. That would be upsetting.

Yeah. Well, here, I'm pretty sure I can share eye bleach with our people. There you go. Look at her. Look at the woman. She's kissing a bear or something. Kissing a bear or something. A hyena?

A hyena? Left on the side of the road well she gets away with it they they eskimo kiss and here's a rabbit with his tongue out it looks like a deformed nose but he's just sticking his tongue at you oh i like so is that the community just so small that people aren't that like the reddit people aren't going to get rid of it or do they even get rid of stuff really they just kind of let you do they get rid of the fappening they got rid of um they titled it something like unintended pornography or something like that on in on and i forget what the term was exactly but accidental nudity uh no nip slips um there is a term for it they used an expression to cover uh um whoops a pussy is that a thing i made that up um yeah they they get rid of like um pornography that people aren't like supposed to the people weren't willingly in. Forced pornography. Unless they're

dead, then just leave it up there. That's a good point. I don't know how that doesn't qualify. Maybe we'll get that subreddit banned as people learn about it. I don't know. I doubt any of these ladies in the pictures are complaining. I don't know. I think they should leave that

subreddit up. Let those psychopaths have their little corner. Keep them away from it. They need an should leave that separated up. Let those psychopaths have their little corner. Keep them away from it. They need an outlet. They need an outlet. Get them away. Let them look at their awful pictures instead of going and doing something awful. We've talked about outlets before.

Is cartoon child porn bad? Well, I wouldn't be comfortable with it at all. Should it be illegal? It's illegal. There's two ideas of thought with that. There's one that like, oh, well this gives the pedophiles an outlet maybe and so maybe they can go

jerk off to these cartoon children and not kidnap any kids. But then there's the thought process that maybe this is the first step. Maybe this is the step between what they are now and actual child porn or hurting a child in real life.

That sort of thing. I wonder, does it normalize it to some extent? To people who think otherwise, it's encouraging or a society acceptance when you have any kind of olive branch to child porn?

I don't know. I have no idea. They'd have to do a legit study to see what it was more likely to do or if it does have adverse effects on their propensity to rape someone. But either way, I mean yeah, that is a good question what do you think what do you think

it probably should be illegal because it's pretty fucked up i mean like you my real answer is i'd love to see it studied or you know or at the very least interview and talk to experts who deal with people who are into kids all the time but if I were to just guess on my uneducated self, I think... I'm trying to put myself in the head of a guy. It's a cartoon as well. It seems like you should have the right to look at cartoons whatever kind of even approach it from a free speech angle but just from a like

i guess that's a good point though kyle like it's like any other fucked up thing you could depict in a cartoon like people should have the right to look at it i guess but yeah it's just so unsettling that it doesn't seem like you should be able to. But when you kind of put it under scrutiny, like, why is this okay and this isn't? Or why it's kind of an all or nothing. I'm going to say cartoon child porn should be okay. That's my take on it. Just a guess.

And that the people who dig that are able to make the difference between victim and victimless crime. people who dig that you know are able to make the difference between victim and victimless crime if what we just looked at was legal then the child porn cartoons should be too like this a tiny cartoon having sex would be much less disturbing than that woman with her face that was basically exploded that was horrible oh that was so terrible that one didn't bother me as much but once one face exploded but i didn't connect to her because she had no head like she just like her it was almost like a fast-moving axe came through the top of her head down to about her nose and it was like v-shaped almost cartoon like um the ones that had a bigger impact on me like in terms of like hurting my soul were the ones where like we made

eye contact and they looked like a person, but I knew there was nobody in there. That's the kind of stuff that I'm like, ooh. It's a bigger connection and a hurt for me. I did not care for that. Well, I'm glad we looked at all your Pornogra... Pornosubreddits that you have. Maybe you want to add that one to the list i don't know that was some of the most horrible stuff i've that i've ever seen and

and and i just put like tracks in there as you view them just like you know she's hot working hips now you go hot hot female corpses or whatever it was that would be funny female corpses that would be funny to play a game where like you were drawing cards and looking at pictures and the others had to guess whether you were looking at one of the horrible ones or like one of the hot ones

and you've got to be like, oh, yeah, all right. Yeah, check your poker face. I don't know if I could, I'd just be like, ah! Like I'd just be like, yeah, yeah, that's pretty good.

But you'd just see a single tear just... Giving away your expression there. um oh in terms of topics ferguson police sure so um i actually have the video there's not much to see in the video it's just a picture of a crowd but um i actually don't know anything about it, so any video would be helpful. There you go. I'm pretty sure I can show this. Make it transformative. Full screen, there you go.

I'm going to click play and make sure I'm queued up. There it is. I'm ready to play. Are you guys? I'm at zero? I'm loading okay yeah just pause it at zero so you're buffering all right i'm good ready set play authorities are still looking for the shooter who opened fire wounding two police officers last night just after midnight the

officers were uh shot while a bystander standing at tiffin and south florissant across the street THE SHOTS CAN BE HEARD COMING FROM WHAT WITNESSES SAY WAS BEHIND THEIR LOCATION. HERE'S HOW IT SOUNDED. WHAT ARE YOU FILMING WITH? . . . . .

. . ... with Cop didn't really take it like a man did he? You're in a warzone. He got shot in the face You know yeah, not many ways to take that like a man excuses are for losers Are listed in serious but stable conditioning this more condition this morning as we have all morning We've been giving a team coverage. We've got you want to pause it here in front of bar. Yeah One was shot in the face better one was shot in the

face the other was shot in the shoulder no word on which one was uh doing all the crying how can i get so much hate all right bring it um and it's a miracle that no other police officers were shot etc oh and then there's tweets uh i'm trying to where do they see the tweets wow um let's just go to twitter

see if it's still I was watching a um it's not going to be on this page I was watching a live stream there was a guy like live streaming while it was happening and uh you could see there were a bunch of people who were pro shooter like in it was like hashtag ferguson pd or something like that and um you know they're just a bunch of people were kind of like very excited and

happy that uh that there was a shot there, that some cops got shot. My initial reaction was like, this is bad. It's going to justify a lot of bad police behavior. Didn't the chief of police and two other people just resigned today there was some sort of conflict of interest having to do with like parking tickets and prosecution as such and like it was all like a ring no this is news to everybody i had no idea

let's look in the same area um let me see ferguson chief police resigns get one year of pay lieutenant colonel eickhoff we just you be quiet so let's see i'll go on police have three in custody uh during hunt for During Hunt for Shooters? Thomas Jackson, the Ferguson police chief, resigned. They've agreed on a mutual separation. He's getting a year's pay after he's resigned. And two other people are resigning, too. Where's the rest of this? A string of resignations. Investigators found evidence of racist jokes being sent around by Ferguson police and court officials.

I'm looking for the other people that resigned. Sucks, this article sucks. I'm looking for the other people that resigned. Shucks, this article sucks. Well, in any case, it seems like if I live there, I would fix that problem. Before I knew, like, the trouble is, there's so much anti-police news that comes out that it's getting hard to accept the sort of,

there's two sides to every story thing, right? Like the first thing was this guy like strong arm robs some guy, stealing swishers as if life had no rules, right? You know, he just walks into the convenience store, beats up the clerk, walks out of there with whatever he wants, walks down the middle of the street with his stolen goods in his pocket. The police doesn't like it. He flips off the cop and roughs him up a little bit and gets himself shot.

Yeah, asshole. You know, I wonder how long the rampage was that we don't know about. Like this guy, fuck that guy, right? I'm not a big fan of Michael Brown. Having said that, you learn more and more about the environment that the police have with racist jokes getting sent around um collusion and like scamming the population with tickets and stuff like that and now the chief of police is resigning and he's still getting a year of free pay um and then this article doesn't show the correlation. There were like three people that resigned.

And the thing was that it was all related. So I wish I could find it again like I found before. But it's just like, wow, this is a real environment of good old boys. Like, I want to say raping, but not literally raping the population it's an important one okay yeah it was clear that it seemed like they were looking at the population as a source of income i there was some story about some guy it was like a 30 year old black guy who just had exercised or something was sitting in his car at like a public park and they came an officer came and accused him of being there to stalk children

and drug him out of the car. One of the charges against him in the end was giving a false statement to an officer because when the officer asked him his name, he told him that his name was Mike instead of Michael. The guy ends up losing his government contract job, and it's kind of ruined his life. There's so much of that that's going on that police department in particular seems really racist yeah yeah i i it's getting hard to they need a good cleanup they need like federal

supervision clean that whole place up and and you know the body cameras I would like that a lot you know just put body cameras on whenever they're on duty you know if they're racist in the locker room I don't like that but whatever but if everything if every interaction they have with people suddenly is recorded that'll do a lot to make them do their jobs better

why don't they just do that it seems like such a great solution to all these problems yeah and it's a shame too because like I've seen better why don't they just do that it seems like such a great solution to officers fight it yeah yeah officers fight and it's a shame too because like i've seen body cameras like just completely get officers off the hook you know like i've seen footage of police shootings where you're like oh good shooting glad you had that camera because otherwise you know people be guessing and such like you don't know don't do anything that you wouldn't be ashamed of doing, and it'll all be good.

Yeah. It'll settle down protesters and shit as well. They apply those words to us all the time. Yeah, I know, Woody. We're reading your email. We're doing this. We're invading your privacy constantly. But if you have nothing to hide, you'll be fine.

You'll be fine if you have nothing to hide. All right. I'm not asking for a camera in your bedroom, like you probably do with my Kinect. I'm asking for a camera for you while you're an on-duty police officer.

Do that, and we'll be good. You know, this is not your private life that we're peering into. It's your on-job performance. I had cameras at Cisco on me. You see them, the little black dome things? I thought they were smoke detectors at first. I was recorded at work all the time.

So, it's their prerogative. Do cops have that much power to just say no, though? You would think it would be higher up than them to the point where they just kind of had to comply. Unions. I don't know. It's my only comply. Unions. I don't know.

That's my only answer. Unions, you know. It seems like they do. And there are a lot of people who side with police just out of, you know, good guy type thing. You know, the same guys who side with the military. Not to say that all military people are bad, don't go crazy. But there are people who will justify anything million. You know, oh, do they rape and torture?

Dude, people have to blow off steam you don't know what it's like over there that's literally do you remember in abu grabe when they they the naked human pyramid making them eating their own feces scaring them with the dogs whatever bill o'reilly literally said give them a break soldiers have to blow off steam yeah probably not a good answer to that because that was a fucked up video and all those pictures it was bad right you know and you know it turns out that those people were not really in jail for good reasons they were just kind of being rounded up for like fitting it like the oh you're 25 year old and male you gotta go and uh and then they start torturing them with you know like this is generalization but apparently iraqi people don't

have the same relationships with dogs and americans do like a mean dog approaches kyle and he tries to make friends the iraqi people i had indian guys over my house and I had yellow labs, friendly yellow labs that would do nothing but lick and love. And, uh, he's like, what the fuck? That thing is huge. And I'm like, it's, it's my dog. It's a lab. He loves you. He doesn't even know you. He loves you with all his heart. And he said this, it's like, you have a lion in your house and he was just going by like body mass or maybe he called it a tiger or something like something a wild Indian animal. You have a tiger in your house. And I'm like,

no, it's nothing like a tiger at all. It's Dakota. He's with me. And apparently in Iraq, they have a similar kind of reaction where they're just not friends with dogs. And when you have an angry canine like that has a huge impact, they were using them to torture and scare and these weren't even guilty people but they had to blow off steam that's where i was headed with the whole some people support

the ferguson police department just because they're police and they deserve your support they have a hard job but it's halfway true they also deserve your skepticism because they are so much power because every time we get to like pull back the sheet and take a look at what they're actually doing we're shocked by it because it's so fucking awful because anytime you give people a position of power it starts to corrupt them

and put body cameras on them put body cameras on them and maybe we'll be better off I think the body cameras thing would help people empathize more with cops too because just as much as there are people who will say like the, oh, you got to blow off steam or so and so, there are people who will, no matter what a cop does, it's evil.

It's evil and they are the apotheosis of evil just by their very existence. They're awful people and they should be punished. But if they have those cameras too, you're going to see a lot more of the shitheads that cops have to deal with you're gonna see a lot more when those start going public and you hear the person and their plea after the event and they're saying oh he just attacked me for no reason and i was just sitting there minding my own business said how do you do sir and then you watch the video and it's him being rambunctious pouring beer on him or something

like i think it's going to help people empathize on both sides of the street did you did you borrow lefty thesaurus for apotheosis no i just game of thrones oh oh speaking of game of thrones where are you in the books currently woody um my phone's not in my pocket uh about 20 hours into book two yeah i want to hear where not how many hours like what point are you guys at because i'm getting excited for you to get to storm of swords yeah i have 30 hours of the 30 out of 37 hours into book 2. And it's already been made clear who Jon Snow's...

It's already been made so clear. I missed it somehow. I don't know who his parents are. Who his mom is? Yeah. I don't even know who his dad is. Is it Ned Stark? Or Ed Stark? Or whatever they did

Eddard all right is it him is that actually his dad I don't know if we want to have a whole like spoiler discussion for Game of Thrones cuz that well yeah you're what I will tell you that not even getting through the second book you don't know as much as you think you do and that's not condescending that's saying that when i had gotten to that point in the book i was like all right i'm putting the pieces together like jim carrey and 23 but really it was all just ludicrous nonsense like jim carrey and 23 there's a problem with my wiring and it's that i don't really make a like conclusion until i'm 100 sure and this happens to me all the time right like i would i watch movies with charl happens to me all the time right like i would

i watch movies with charlotte and she is and like hypothetically they'll be like two people in a back seat him wearing nothing but boxers her wearing nothing but panties and the windows get all steamed up and i'm like are we meant to think they had sex we're like yeah yeah everyone else the car is rocking but like come on woody like until i see penetration they might have just been kissing i didn't see him come i don't know intense boggle in that back seat all over the place so so you apply that wiring to game of thrones and i'm not even sure ed's his dad right at this point ed is so honorable he adopted a kid from some other thing and he would never cheat on catlin and the the real parents are like robert

baratheon and that fire god chick or something like that and like i don't know because i never know anything until i am fully knowing well i can't tell you that's not correct well pay attention when you get to like around 29 hours i'm gonna say 28 29 hours in the book and uh and daenerys goes into a i think it's the like sand the the temple of dust or something like that anyway with Those blue-lipped motherfuckers. Those magic people who drink the Temple of... or the Undying. Right?

It's on 21-something in it, to answer your question. And what's happening for me now, Arya is with Tywin serving him food and stuff like that, and she's already named one person. I'm right. She's... Is it

Tyrion? Where am I wrong on this? Tywin's not there at Harrenhal. He's off fighting. In the show, it's Tywin there. He's at Harrenhal. But in the book, she's the cupbearer of... Tywin's totally at Harrenhal.

She mentioned two specific instances in which she saw him, but didn't get close to him. But she's's the cupbearer of... Tywin's totally at Harrenhal. She mentioned two specific instances in which she saw him but didn't get close to him. But she's not his cupbearer. No, she seems to be under the thumb of some mean person, Weezy or something like that. Yeah, Weez. Yeah, but she like washes clothes or whatever. Maybe she's not his cupbearer. I don't know. Sometimes this show influences what I think.

She becomes someone else's cupbearer later at Heron Hall, but it's not Tywin's. So she's at Heron Hall and Tywin's there, and that's what Arya's doing. Jon Snow is roaming around in the snow somewhere. The fuck else is happening? What's Tyrion up to? Tyrion is still held up waiting for either him or rob stark to like make a move and um um i remember they described it kind of no no not tywin tyrian

tyrian i'm sorry tyrian who is too close to name the Tywin, he just did something that Cersei liked. Oh, they just sent Littlefinger off to propose that, I guess, Margaery marries Joffrey. But he hasn't gone there yet. He's just about to travel and he's made a bunch

of demands on what he wants for this trip. That's what's happening there. To be honest... You think those two names are too close? There's a character named Asha and a character named Asha. That's why they changed it in the show, because it was confusing.

Even in the book, Theon mentions it. He's like, even their names are similar. I'm 21 hours in. I think I was more excited about book one. Book two is somewhat of a task for me to get through. And the thing is, I'm listening to these books. I'm on the audiobooks.

And I really want to know what happens. So, for example, Arya, and this is not a spoiler by any means, she goes from one place to the other. And nothing of consequence happens for a long time. But they sit there and describe this trip in tremendous detail. Huge. What they eat, the arguments they have, whether they know she's a girl or a boy, how she goes off to pee, arguments with these people. He learns that she's a girl, but then they all learn a few minutes later

so the big secret we spent 45 minutes discussing was inconsequential. She's willing to eat worms. Other people are not willing to eat worms. Their jealousy of the fact that she's not as hungry as they are, but they're all could eat worms if they want. They catch rats. What rats are like to cook.

Their foils and whether they should start a fire and all this shit like 90 minutes of listening yeah well some people like that other people want to know what the fuck happens you just want plot points yes i i thrive this guy this guy this guy died aria leaves if there was a cliff notes audiobook i would listen to that up to where i was caught up with the show and then get me into the details you want like a 10 slide powerpoint presentation of game of thrones because anytime anything that's not just like and then they went to harrenhal and then they found a dragon you just you don't like it you're

getting bogged down and like and i do know the feasts the feasts get to me too where he spends forever in a day describing the feast and it's like dude you're writing for 15 different characters at least four of them have a feast happening right now you don't you don't we don't need all of this fucking food here's why i think the feasts are important in point of what they're eating you get a glimpse into sort of the uh their economic status you get you get a sense of like how wealthy this person is you also get a sense of like how uh i don't know how uh how things are going where they are like like maybe they're having a hard time there maybe the food is poor maybe but but maybe the food's great you know it depends like i just listened to a part where they're describing the dinner.

You could tell me like, I don't know, we're running low on food, so we had chicken and not spend 40 minutes on the topic. That would be boring though. But I do like Kyle when they make up, or when he makes up rather, comparisons

for the food that are compared to fake things. Like they're fantasy things where he's like, the, the bread's crust was as hard as a rune bears tusk. It's like, what the fuck is happening? What,

what, how hard is that? I have a friend and she's an author and she writes books and, and somehow her opinion of it means more to me. Cause she's like a, she's an author. And, um, she also hates that every time i mention like it takes too long for me to know what this story is she's like it's the food isn't it it's the food they spend way too much time talking about food to me the food's not even it it's the character development and the plot and the

like god like it just traveling places is a really big deal they describe the rocks and the trees and the hills and the weather and all that it's a story i don't think you're supposed to be experiencing it when i listen to this thing i imagine myself like right there with him when they're when john snow's scaling this stone wall with stone snake and they're hammering the pegs into the cracks with a felt covered hammer and you know that his thumbnail already ripped off so every handhold he takes is blood spattered and he's looking up to make sure that blood he's trying to remember where the other guy puts his feet in his hands and he's only going at a quarter speed because he can't climb he's thinking back to

his brother bran and how he could climb and wishing he was more like that and he could do that and he's just terrified and his friend tells him to think of the mountain like a woman and just suck a letter tit and he and just i just imagine myself terrified and shaking and my heart dropping every time i lose a foothold and just putting my face against the cold rock and then like feeling comfort in that as i climb i'm like is this a need to know thing as i only need to know need to know shit you know like a good example john snow cut his hand right Jon Snow cut his hand battling uh Walking Dead or whatever the fuck they call him the others you may burn it no he cut it um Woody's ideal plot is but Jon Snow cut his hand the Grand Maester said well that doesn't look very good Jon we have some Neosporin at the keep and that's that's all

so he cut his hand I think it could be a burn but I thought it was a cut um while he was battling a We have some Neosporin at the keep. And that's all that you want to hear. So he cut his hand, I think. It could be a burn, but I thought it was a cut while he was battling a white walker. And then they spend a lot of time covering the fact that it was bandaged, how much hand mobility he has, whether or not he'll be able to sword fight, how he's learning to sword fight with his left hand as he's going on. He's doing hand exercises as he's riding his horse burnt so his hand got burnt and i think that it would be scarred but you'd have use of it and he had to throw that burning there's scars but he often wears gloves so the scarring isn't a big deal plus he's not trying to pick up chicks because he's in the band of brothers whatever the fuck he's in and and like the whole brothers there's walking dead brothers we're gonna take my voice come out no actually it'll be germany

all the way to berlin yeah yeah and then the whole problem is the nazis are coming back from the dead that's the core of it so but um yeah and he's got apparently a burn, not a cut. I thought it was a cut. But it has had no consequence on the story. It's important. So I agree with you. They have talked about his burnt hand a lot. And they've talked about it so much that I feel that it has to be an important plot point. There has to be something to know.

So now we know that Jon Snow could be burned so now we know he's like not like the next coming of a dragon like Daenerys for example like she can't be burned if all of a sudden her hand got burned you'd know something was wrong but Jon Snow can get burned we know that now I don't know that was different in the show in the show she

um yeah she came out just like as a beautiful naked chick right in the book she has like no eyebrows, no hair. One would assume no pubes. They didn't cover that. I don't know. It's like, oh. But then you would have had to watch a whole season

as she slowly gets it out to a buzz cut and then a 42-year-old mom who's given up. And then eventually she'll get to pretty again. But that's why they couldn't do that. I think you just need to listen and try to enjoy it. Because things like his hand being burnt, I think that's important. I think that because they're still mentioning it. I'm eight or nine hours ahead of you.

And they still mention his hand occasionally and how it's different. The supporting spoiler ever. It's like, yeah, the first words out his mouth his hand was tight in the cold morning air as the maester had taught him yeah oh god there's so much hand i know woody i know you hate it but but Kyle when you read one of those because I know the passage you're talking about when it's like he's climbing up the the wall and it's exciting and he's like kind of the you know

black sheep over there and he really wants to be back with his brothers but kind of not really because he's liking getting laid like don't you do you ever just go back and read through those passages again to like get an even better feel of it or do you never do that because I will for like the battle scenes and really intense stuff.

There's no reading involved over here. Oh yeah, never mind. But I really try to listen intently and if I ever catch myself not fully absorbing, I'll stop and I'll be like, alright, well I can't do whatever I'm doing and listen to this. Like when I'm driving, I can really plug into it.

But if somebody comes in and disturbs me, I hit the you know one minute backwards button five times and just go again screwed up as my recollection is i also do that i only i fully i give it a lot of attention and by the way game of thrones on tv is a sexy show game of thrones the book like not as sexy they'll make brief reference to this or that but like it it's definitely not like one of my wife's books yeah it's it's not it's not extra dirty they'll say something you know she took his cock in his in her mouth and even that could not rouse him you know it'll be something like that but i i so i my sometimes my daughter has to suffer through it and i'm sure it's awful when you don't

listen to the whole book. But yeah, sure enough, like, they just nail a sex scene in the little bit I'm driving Hope around. By the way, off topic, but Hope today got inducted into the National

Honor Society. Good for Hope. Wake her up! Wake her up. Let's congratulate her. I have a picture. That's great. I want to play Civilization with her. Chiz and I have been playing a lot of Civilization lately. I want to get her involved

with this. We need assistance. Or maybe... It's hard to gauge if you move it to your left a bit um so i'm doing it for the people here i'll do it for you that makes sense maybe that's okay i can see yeah so um yeah hope national honor society kind of cool i want to play civilization with hope i want to gauge her talent level because she's give it she's and i have been playing a lot lately, and Chiz has surpassed me. He has figured out the diplomatic system in Civilization. He's gained a new level of knowledge in which he's targeting certain technologies and certain great wonders to give him diplomatic advantages.

He's working the city-state stuff. Now, to hear him tell it, while sometimes he wins with delegate victories, he would have, in many of these cases, had his choice of victory. Well, part of that is because sometimes that is true. And a big part of that is because when you're friends with all those city-states, they're giving you science, they're giving you a little bit of everything, depending on the city-state. And he's often allies with all of them. Lately, we've been trying to tag team uh the game on deity level like us two versus one of the most the most difficult opponent we can possibly play against and it's

just not even fair they give it they don't at some point they can't make the ai any brighter they can't make it any better at playing the game so they just give it bonuses everywhere. It gets negative, I'm just making these stats up, negative 20% unhappiness. It gets plus 25% production and science and gold. It starts with a bunch of technologies. It starts with two or three techs. It starts with many more units. I think it might start with two settlers and like two warriors and an explorer or something like that, or a scout, I should say. It starts with a lot of advantages. And we'll 2v1 this thing, and it explorer or something like that or scout i should say it starts with a

lot of advantages and will 2v1 this thing and it will whip us like a dog didn't we i mean not even i did it i was in on one i was in on a loss and i think i was in on a win i didn't do it i mean i was part of the team maybe it was immortal i remember us doing that uh but i i think i've only beaten deity like maybe once possibly twice and it was with chiz and and we uh it was a 3v1 i could have sworn i that was part of it i know there was one we lost by like a turn and i'm sure we won one too actually i think did hope sit in on that one no i just don't know if that was Deity or not. I don't remember. Oh, it might not have been. I don't know.

Chiz and I militarily beat a Deity one time. That was fun. But we have not been able to come close to that since. It's been frustrating. We were playing just before the show started. We played for a couple of hours and failed again. It becomes clearly obvious, like, I don't know, 80 turns in when we've got, like, crossbows. And he's got, like, infantry. Like, not musketmen, not rifle riflemen he's got not great war infantry he's got like legit infantry he's got guys with

fucking nazi helmets like rocking along with real figure out a horseback riding and he's putting his planes on aircraft carriers and you're like well fuck yeah last night they're a real superhero and you're hawkeye yeah exactly yeah there you go uh oh i saw star wars announced it was coming out in may 2017 and my opinion on that was like yeah 2017 that's the second one though that's eight that's episode eight that's coming out. Are you sure? Positive. Oh. Yeah. Maybe that's better. I thought that it was the... I didn't even know they were making another one after the one that still hasn't come out.

Two in production. Oh, yeah. It's going to be... They said it was a standoff. Oh, you're right. You're right. December 18th, 2015. So here's the race.

December 18th, 2015. Will I move into my house before that date? Yeah. You'll be in May for sure. My current guess for when you're moved in and have your furniture in and you're doing shows from there and all, you're a month out. You've got to be.

You're so optimistic. At least a month. You're a month to 45 days gotta be because it just feels like forever i we fired another contractor um what was his profession he was a finished carpenter or a trim carpenter there's something now is this the guy that kept talking up like he's gonna tear through material and be way ahead of the curve yes yeah that was him what did he do all right so what did you do wrong um the trouble is he was installing he was he's just working on doors and and you could say that the doors were kind of

they were regular bedroom and closet doors and they were sort of the test for whether we put them on the master bedroom door now the master bedroom doors are heavy they're eight feet tall they require special locks they're like french doors that like meet together and there's four of them so two pairs and um they were expensive they're like 600 bucks that meet together. And there's four of them, so two pairs. And they were expensive. They're like $600 a door or something like that. And there's a two-week lead time. So if you mess up that door, there's a lot of time and money involved. So he was doing closet doors where if you mess it up, it's like $100, try again.

And they weren't coming out right. There'd be a half-inch gap between the door and the jam. I don there'd be a half inch gap between the door and the jam and i don't mind a half inch gap between the door and jam i can deal with that but you should know it's not right just be like i gotta try again woody sorry dude i take two tries on lots of things i get that people aren't perfect it's cool i've done doors and i'm not that good at it i know that it's hard but for him him to present it to me and be like, good enough? Crossing my fingers. It's like, no, dude, you know it, I know it, that's shitty work.

Who has half-inch gaps around their door? There's light coming in from the hallway and everything. I'm like, that's just... Don't come to me and hope that my standards are so low that you can move on. And eventually they told him he wasn't going to do the stairs and he left in a huff he just packed up his stuff abruptly and left and everyone was like fine don't let the door hit you with a good lord split you so i guess he

wasn't technically fired maybe he quit but if the closet doors were an interview he didn't make it the stairs well what the fuck didn't make it to stairs. Well, what the fuck? How hard is it to find a decent carpenter? I wouldn't have thought it'd been this hard. I mean... The guy we have now seems pretty good. Until next week.

Well, he's like your third or fourth carpenter. Mirka, I hear you. And you might be right. I'm optimistic. I like this guy um he uh you know i have nothing negative to say about him thus far he's working on the master bedroom doors and um and he seems to really want me to be happy right like okay he was putting the doors in and there were like shims around the jam and i thought the shims were too much right these doors are

heavy so the jams have to be well supported if you don't know a jam is like that the side that goes around the door not the molding but the jam is like the I Don't know Yeah, yeah, this is jam. This is jam. You know the Inside of the door this is point at something that is not jam this is casing this molding okay is casing this this inside part is jam that makes like a upside down you anyway um now break the door down yeah so anyway i don't know how to talk my bores and people so i don't want to take too long on it but But the jamb was shimmed between that and the studs a lot.

And I was like, this is a heavy door. Should it have that? And I had like 7 eighths of an inch shim. And so he just took it all down, put it back up with solid shim, so it's basically stud strength. And after he shows me pictures of it and everything, he shakes my hand, looks me in the eye, says it's important that I'm happy. These are good attributes, right?

Yeah, that is. So Lin seems like an all-star so far. Well, good. Yeah. And he's going to do the steps next. But, I mean, the upstairs floors that Jamal, I consider it fire damage. We've got a major problem after the painting happens that we haven't even started on yet. Well, this new guy sounds like a quality carpenter.

Christ-like, even. What did you say, Kyle? I missed it. I was just saying that upstairs flooring, in the back of my head, I was like, oh, yeah, I'm sure somebody's working on that. But, no, they've got to rip it all up, huh? It's not a bad idea to upstairs flooring, in the back of my head, I was like, oh yeah, I'm sure somebody's working on that, but no, they've got to rip it all up, huh? It's not a bad idea to do flooring after paint, because flooring can get damaged during paint either by ladders or just spilling. So the fact that we're not working on floors isn't a problem.

Also, it's really dusty work. You don't want to do that same side as paint. So yeah, the floors are just sitting there, nothing's happening, but it's looming. you don't want to do that same side as paint so yeah the floors are just sitting there nothing's happening but it's looming you know that's a thing so uh you know that just exists man that's well like i said sometime sometime the next month or two or three you'll you'll probably another thing about floors is like like if it was something else like it let's say hypothetically it was light fixtures we could be like moving furniture in and like you know getting ready to live there with floors no like you just you can't move in you can't do much when you're waiting on floors to get done so that's a thing

we'll wrap house talk there i'm gonna be happy when you get your house i know you are i i it's a weird thing like uh emotionally i've just... Checked out? I've sort of just removed the possibility that it's actually going to happen. Like, sometimes I did that. I did that when I was going through college. Like, there were periods of it where I never really targeted finishing. I just kept my head down and worked toward it.

And, like, knowing that someday, I guess it would get done. But it kind of like you know maybe it's it's in the afternoon and you're at work and you really wish it was five so you don't look at the clock hoping for pleasant surprises you know because you watch it or you fixate on it and it just sets you up for heartbreak and that's kind of where i am on this you know i was talking to the general contractor this morning and he's like, doesn't it look great? Because some of the rooms are getting painted. And I was like, are you looking for praise? You know, like maybe I'm a dick, but all I see are problems. You know,

there is what in my head feels like fire damage with that upstairs floors just looming. It's mid-February. I'm sorry. It's mid-March and it was supposed to be done in January. It's like, I don't see any way he's getting praise from here on forward. Sorry, you missed it. You know, like, fuck. You know, this has been a comedy of errors at this point. So, yeah yeah that's i don't know it's fucked up your poor house i'll do a um a video tour when it's you know when you can kind of see it and stuff you know like i

i think people kind of want to see that coming 2016 woody's house tour yeah like i'm not gonna hide anything you know i'll show people but um yeah that's it i wish i had the words for it like it's it's a big chunk of our life savings and a lot of it was like like hopes dreams and happiness were wrapped up and moving to this thing. And, um, like, you know, like doing this job,

making videos, working indoors all the time. I wanted to have like an outdoor component of my life. None of that shit's happening. Yeah. You know, I would not have guessed it'd be mid March and there's no end in sight on this thing. So,

yeah, it seems like so long ago when you chis and i were looking at houses that was last year yeah and it wasn't like right before christmas or anything i mean we're talking about like september and stuff and it was it's a long time ago oh do we have chis's hat there as our as our guest tonight is that what's there i can't see it but i i'm guessing that it it's over there somewhere or something. That's great. I'll get you a picture of what it looks like. This push takes a while because it's a big image.

I wonder how long the show is. At the start of the show, I almost wanted to talk about it. Like, hey, we're getting a really late start. We'll see how it goes. But everyone knows how long the show is except us. They can see it. They know whether we hit four hours. They know how it the show is except us. They're all, you know, they can see it. They know whether we hit four hours.

They know how it went. They know everything. But yeah, so we've got Chiz as the guest. I really want to get the, yeah, right, straight down for you. For me, it's there. What was I going to say? Oh, some people fussed that the white things were 16 by 9. I'll get that sorted out.

This show was just kind of, I didn't have time to fix it before the show started, but we'll get it. We'll make it, I guess everyone's picture will get slightly bigger maybe. And, uh, more to go around.

That's nice. Yeah. Yeah. And we'll get rid of the white trim. We'll make it right. Probably for next week. Well, I'm definitely getting in better shape.

I've, uh, I'm down to 174 pounds now um i i do i don't know i'm usually really bad at chin-ups i'm up to doing 10 chin-ups i feel like i've gotten much stronger there i i um i do my elliptical now as fast as i can go on like a fat burning level but i like hold my hands up like behind my head to make myself balance on the like crazy wobbling elliptical thing i feel like i'm building my balance skills there doing like five minute rounds on the heavy bag i i'm really looking forward to to applying some of those

skills to paint off i'm just gonna i feel i imagine myself getting carried away and like coming in and like you know in halo the melee where he goes like that coming by a guy with my gun with the tank i'm just like taking some kid out and keeping on moving i uh i'm really looking forward to the paintball thing in april that's that's gonna be fun i i know not everyone likes minecraft talk but dude woody craft is coming out with halo we have oh yeah i heard you talking about that so explain to me what this is and in what way is it Halo? We have like four game modes. There's like Grifball, Powerball. I think there's a TDM and something else.

It's escaping the top of my mind, but we've got four game modes. We have all these, like we have a resource pack, which might not mean much to non-Minecraft people, but it's going to make Minecraft look like Halo. Let me see if I can get um a picture of it i i don't want to screen share other conversations let me just turn off the screen for a moment so i don't share anything i don't mean to yeah i think if i look in this direction i'm looking at you you're looking at merca wait oh no let me see i have to to murica's uh murica's down

there and lefty's down there and so look in that direction yeah you are looking at me you are all right so let me find um shock shock shocks all right so i have to go to the website woodycraft look for my recent posts i'll i think you'll i think this is cool and it's worth the wait for this. Server discussion. Coming soon. Is that an Always Sunny poster back there? What is that? Wait. Yes.

It's an Always Sunny poster. Have you seen the latest episode? I have not. I haven't seen the latest three. Oh, you're missing out. The most recent one was very good, I thought. Let's see what you got here. Better than last season? I think it is is so check out what the type is going to look like like we've got

the like a minecraft halo thing going on um at the bottom is your inventory you know how it normally holds like axes and stones and stuff like that yeah you got swapped out that the images for guns and such let me find. You got the rocket launcher, sniper, the shotgun, the... I don't know what that is. Maybe a BR? You got the hammer, the sword, the grenades. I have a second spoiler.

Is that a reticle I'm seeing in the center of Master Chief's face? Yes, it is. Cool. This is not the greatest one, but I'll show this. how is the uh sorry if you just talked about this how's the server doing by the way you haven't talked about it in a bit good it's it's one of the top servers in the world it it's just yeah i i don't know how else to say it but it's uh it's super strong i don't know how that we'll see how this goes over but i'm hopeful that it's super strong. I don't know how that we'll see how this goes over, but I'm hopeful that it's going to be a really big deal.

There's a guy holding the, I lost the name of it. I just knew it. The sword, the energy sword, energy sword. Yeah. He's holding the energy sword and you can see there's the reticle in the

middle and this stuff there. It, it should be pretty bad-ass. I wonder if I shared any more pictures yet. Oh, that's pretty cool. Yeah, it should be super cool. Halo was so much fun back in the day. I didn't play a lot of Halo. I played it like after its prime. Halo 2 was great. That's when I first started. I really loved Halo 2. I was always trying to master my

BXR and my quad shot and all that stuff after watching montages online. When you were playing with the claw, trying that out. I hated that. I guess Halo OCD, what was it called? OCHD or

Halo 3 came out again. ODST? ODST, yeah. I got halo odst and that came with like the whole history of resource packs or map downloads or whatever that's when i first started playing halo so that's past its prime right and then i played halo reach a little bit people kind of got into it people excited about halo reach even though it didn't have a long life cycle and um that's when I guess at Halo Reach with more people to play with that like YouTubers and such that was learning like you know four to the body one to the head how that works the strikes and um you know just Halo's

different than COD right in that like you don't want to chase uh evading is really important in COD it's all about first shot in In Halo, it's all about accurately shooting while having an unpredictable strafe. And I was just getting Halo lessons from everybody, but I never became anybody great or anybody. I think at my best, I was probably average. I think I was a level 35 in a bunch of stuff, maybe a level 40 in some stuff, something like that. But that's so long ago, I barely even remember those numbers. Those are legit numbers. I think that's higher than I ever was.

I played a lot. I'm sure if I picked it up right now, it'd suck. I'm sure my BR shot is nothing to be looked at. I was always so terrible with the sniper. I wanted to be so good with it because it seemed like such a cool power weapon. But if i saw it on the ground i'd be like i shouldn't

even pick this up someone else should have this really like but you still took it didn't you watching competitive halo was awesome like did you guys you guys i don't know if you watch as much competitive halo but i saw it online and then i saw it in person. I went to these Raleigh MLG events. And yeah, something about competitive Halo was just amazing to watch. Let me find a Halo 2 montage because that's where you see so much skill, at least I think, because they're quad shotting. They're getting their BR to basically shoot fully automatic

by doing a button combination that's pretty difficult to do. And they kill people so fast i yeah the shots people would hit were because in cod having a good shot's important but anticipating the shot is really important in halo people would be um what's the human launcher thing called the man cannon is that what it's called um they'd be in the man cannon like shooting each other accurately and i saw stuff like that and i was just like wow these people are at a level that's different than me and i know the aim assist was pretty you know strong in halo um but just the same i couldn't do it i couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. I had a friend I played with, Wayne Chang, and he was one of those good players.

He would change the course of a game. Here you go. This is perfect. This is Walshie playing. I know the name. You may have to mute it. It's going to have music. You didn't link it.

There we go. Is it an old montage? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm queued up at zero. All right. Let me put it on the main screen. I Am as well, I mean the center it since it's an old montage What's the over-under that it has that one nothing wrong with me to nothing wrong with? I love that Chris montage is that does he at some point say let the bodies hit the floor yeah

all right ready set play so i have the audio off oh do you remember when intros were like a thing skip to 25 seconds in because it's all just bad moonwalking till i can't cuz we're synced unless you've done it already look at this I can just imagine this is pretty cool to watch I'm okay I'm okay watching it is there an HD is this even that good anymore this doesn't look that impressive or maybe I just haven't paid attention yeah that's pretty cool I'm seeing a lot of one-person killstreaks. This is Halo 3. God damn it. Yeah.

Sorry. I meant to get a hit. Look at me get a kill. Cut. Look at me get another kill. Cut. He's got a sniper in some of these, right? Get three headshots in a row. That's a montage. You're Walshy, for Christ's sakes. Have some pride. Here you go. Here's his Halo 2 montage. You're Walshy, for Christ's sakes. Have some pride. Here you go. Here's his

Halo 2 montage. I apologize. 2009 Walshy. I don't think anyone was as good at 3 as they were at 2. He's head and shoulders better than everybody else in this game. Okay. I'm

queued up at 0. 3, 2, 1, play. Oh, I didn't hit play. Sorry. I i just clicked the video i thought it would play back at zero um yes three two one play all right now let's watch a couple minutes of intro five seconds it's almost not black i'm slightly older for having watched all this intro i like this this this thing with like master chief rotating and like the world map and everything like is that his look at his name davealsh. It's got his birthday and everything So a DD about this and I'm really judgmental like hurry up to get into the video And this is cutting edge in 2006. Oh, I don't doubt it. This was the

This is almost a decade ago, so he got a triple kill that's a pretty big deal in halo and then the zoom pan of like killing frenzy as it drifts across the stream he's zooming in and out a lot in this he can watch his ammo counter hmm having a hard time watching his ammo counter is the top right uh it's on his gun oh what's wrong with me he's bxr-ing there i just never got into halo enough to know which of these clips are really really impressive because like most call of duty like these aren't competitive clips are they i don't know that would be impressive if they were but like most cod montages it's just well

it's fucking around and getting your ass handed to you until you happen upon a group of blind kids well it's skill based in halo that's true too so if Walsh is playing with them, these guys... I mean, you see that guy strafing? Yeah, that's true. And these guys aren't just standing at the top of a tower and spinning off of it, ruining everybody else's game. Oh, there you go. There's a quad shot. The gun just seemed to go fully automatic there for a moment.

I'm having a hard time following what's happening in this. It might be the 360p. Yeah, when I got into it, Walshie wasn't at the top of the game anymore. It was all about Pistola, Ogre, Ogre 2, Roy. Roy was the man i always liked flamesword i think that was his name someone's gonna criticize me if i get it

wrong but getting names wrong is my thing so chill um but yeah i i heard him interviewed and he won me over in a big way like i liked him a lot i think he got into the cod scene it felt to me that the well that's interesting that's enough of that yeah it felt to me that the uh the competitive scene for halo peaked after the game did and i think we're seeing that in cod too Like the numbers they're pulling are bigger than ever. You know, just like the whole online streaming scene is bigger than ever. The numbers that competitive pulls, I think they're still growing bigger than ever.

But Advanced Warfare is definitely not breaking sales records. I don't know if it passed Ghost or not. I was watching a Wing stream lately, and in there, there's a fair amount of people in the chat that seem to agree advanced warfare was worse than ghost hmm and i don't know i haven't played it enough to know i i enjoyed it somewhat but ghost kind of sucked yeah i didn't care for ghost i didn't care for ghost at all i didn't care for Ghosts I didn't care for Ghosts at all I didn't even prestige in Ghosts

I didn't even finish my 0th prestige I disliked it so much I had strong feelings about it It just doesn't capture me The way it used to I can't kill hours worth of time Playing that game It was the camaraderie I think we all agree

That was at least 50-60% of uh that made me love the game to begin with and now i kind of find that with uh with civilization i really enjoy just chilling out and playing civilization because those games can go as long as you want them to go you know it's sometimes people put too much emphasis on the the people and the experience they had of the first time like we had a kit pvp experience on woody craft and it was our first effort at it it was way too pay to win like there's this balance between making your investment worthwhile and um and becoming pay to win and becoming too pay to win yeah and this one basically it was literally linear every single rank got a better kit than the one before it and uh it in my head was not a well-designed game mode

but we still have people screaming to bring it back you bring it back bring it back that was the best ever that was the coolest no one had a better i'm like dude that was totally pay to win it was literally the more you spent the better better your equipment was. No, it wasn't. You could just kill someone with great equipment and use theirs. Still pay to win. You can't convince me it's not. And since then, we've gotten much more subtle. And I don't know.

Our kit PvP is much more fair than it used to be. But it's really the experience they had the fact that like the friends that they were friends with back then doing this stuff for the first time building their skills and that's why i think people like monowarfer 2 so much monowarfer 2 in my heart is the worst it's worse it was awful it was terribly bad it yeah the noob tubes the um oh let's not even listen it it hurts too much that game was five months worth of game breaking bugs you know the care package glitches that the javelin glitch the javelin glitch like stuff that was just the the lobbies all those lobbies you drop in that was nothing

but but but rust like 18 man rust like you want to play when there's a harrier and a bunch of ac-130s up there and it's pointless to even spawn yeah yeah yeah yeah um fully automatic noob tubes that was a thing i saw a lot in modern warfare 2 where they just i'm not talking about you know one man army i'm talking about fully auto everyone's using noob tubes you know it this is a very very broken game but people loved it and i think they loved it because they were getting into the cod series and it was a new thing for them and you know that was that the best thing in modern warfare 2 is when you did happen upon a lobby of like the you know oh we're not gonna do the one man army noob tubes we're playing for keeps we're playing for real nobody better do that and then i take out one man army noob tubes and that was so much fun because every

time you went into a game you wanted to play for real you'd just be livid at like oh these assholes these little oh jesus like you'd be so mad at them but then when you did it it was just like oh they're raging so hard they're so angry i never oh i thought it was so much fun i had a kit for that i definitely did. I had all the classes, however many. Ten classes or something like that, maybe more. I had as many as you could get. And of course, I had my ACR with a grenade launcher,

one-man army, and commando. You know, just in case. If they want to play like that, I'll play like that. I had this class like that. Sit on the roof in Terminal and just ruin people from that bookstore. Yeah. That was it. That's all you had to do. That's not the roof? Yeah, by the fuel tank on terminal.

The airplane one and then you just look down the hallway and in the bookstore. The whole hallway, you can see into their spawn at the dom flag. You can see into the plane, although you're pretty exposed. I had a class. It was called Revenge or Payback and I only used it when they used it first.

That was it. Yeah, that's what I did. I usually wouldn't just break it out for no reason. I had a lot of spawn grenade launchers I'd use. I was better with guns. If I pulled out that class, I didn't get good games or anything. Oh, I did great with that class.

I like to, in a domination game, I knew... there were a lot of maps where I knew, you know, you sprint eight steps, put your elbow against the trash can, look straight up, find the cloud, and then shoot two noob tubes at that cloud, and they're going to hit the A flag across the map.

And every now and then, you get like a four-man noob tube cross map, start your game off, you know, with a four-kill streak. That was always... always yeah i didn't run noob tubes that much i hated it i made it the shucks you song about noob tubes yeah that was good i remember that yeah that was like the first like i guess my channel was doing well i was growing at a rate better than like a lot of my peers but when that happened i was like one of

the top 10 growing channels in all of YouTube. I was growing quicker than Respawn for the course of a month, which is Respawn was really hot at the time. Like there was a, not it wasn't long, but there was like a six week span where like I was, it was actually a big deal on YouTube, like of YouTube, you know, whereas later on I was just like, you know, one of the many, like, you know, top hundred channels, you know whereas later on i was just like you know one of the many like you know top 100 channels you know i like that song that was good and you made a very smart decision by not singing it yourself i was uh i was trying to up my production quality right like i i recognize where my singing like on a scale of one to ten i'm literally a one. It's bad. There's no worse.

The only people worse than me are joking around. There's no earnest person worse than you. If Woody tried out for American Idol, they would show his audition. Yeah. Merker put it so well. There's no earnest person who sings worse than me. And, you know, I had enthusiasm, I guess. But, you know, that's all you could say.

So it was time to step up to the next level. I did Chuck's Hue. And then, like, that followed up immediately with a Chopper Gunner on Nuketown, which was, like, a million-view video just because it was a new concept. Yeah. And everybody wanted to see it. Everybody wanted, you know, because it was the badass motherfucking killstreak. And I'm sure people had seen it happen in-game.

They're like, what is that? That's the chopper gunner. And then they're online looking for it. And you're pretty much the only guy who had it. I was first, yeah. Back then, like now the release dates are really firm. Like they let you know exactly when you can upload videos. Back then then they just

gave you the day of the calendar and i was like well it's that day in new zealand right now so i uploaded it i uploaded four which was risky but i uploaded four before it was the right day in my time zone and uh there were no strikes and uh it turned out to be a risk that really paid off yeah mostly tips videos i told people to run um ghost in uh in black ops like this is before the game came out before it had a big stigma but spy plane was a default kill streak and i was like run ghost you gotta run ghost everyone's running spy plane these things will be in the sky constantly it was good it works they were yeah but um why did people not like ghost i didn't even keep track of the game enough to know that was just like it keeps you off the

radar and it makes you invulnerable to um like the air power like chopper gunners and stuff so if it's a human powered one you just look like a friendly and if it's a human-powered one, you just look like a friendly. And if it's an automated one, it won't shoot you. And they found that keeping off the radar and being invisible to enemy air power was just OP. You would get your spy plane in, and there would be no red dots. Then you'd somehow still get your chopper gun or whatever, your big kill streak, without anybody on the radar. And then there's no red squares to zone in on. You're just going for an air tour of the map, and it's just so frustrating.

It's like, come on, I earned something here, and I'm not getting my reward because of this silly perk. And it's a follow-up to Modern Warfare 2, where you got a Harrier, and that was oftentimes four kills or something. Early on, it definitely was. I remember it sounded like an electric razor. That's my favorite kill streak of all time, the Harriers.

Really? Because it was a guaranteed three kills. Not at the end of Modern Warfare 2. At the end of Modern Warfare 2, you were going to run Airstrike instead. Because here's what you do. You get a Predator. That was worth a kill almost all the time. And then that got you an Airstrike. And that was worth a kill or two almost all the time but a

harrier it took more kills and it was so instantly down because it just took one stinger that it wasn't worth any more than its airstrike by the end of modern warfare the pay blow is pretty solid but yeah yeah got up to there it took like i missed that game yeah i want to say it took three so you couldn't do it by yourself without dying. So it required teamwork, and that was so rare. Yeah. Teamwork is very rare, just jumping into a random lobby. But, I mean, you remember those Modern Warfare 2 chopper gunners

and the noise it makes when you get a hit marker, and you just hear that continuously, and it was just such a sweet sound. I'd never heard it like that before. Yeah, it was like a yeah it was like a splat occasionally you'd hear it if you like spray got a triple spray or a four-man spray it sounds wonderful it's so satisfying but now you're in this chopper gunner and you're just and it's just going and it's just pound pound pound pound pound and they would spawn in the same corner over and over and they'll be spawning into the explosive bullets that was so much fun i used to have you know the class that was like i said i only pulled they would spawn in the same corner over and over and they'd be spawning into the explosive bullets that was so much fun i used to have you know the class that was like i said i only pulled out

you know when they were being bad i would sometimes pull that out before my big kill streak because it had danger close on it and danger close pro made your airstrikes better so it's like oh i got a chopper gunner i'm just gonna wait so that the splash damage on this thing kills everyone in a quarter of the map, and it would be incredible. Yeah, with an AC-130 with the main cannon, the howitzer. The chopper gunner, that had splash damage, too. Yeah, yeah. It was cool.

That was another glitch I remember. People would run around with chopper gunner guns, like chopper gunner bullets that had splash damage, and the thing is you could kill yourself with the splash damage so it wasn't a great cheat but it was frustrating anyway yeah i there was all kinds of like cheats that that would allow you to do stuff like that they would allow you to shoot predator missiles and shit like that it was uh it was a shame to see that game all hacked apart like that and ruined and to see the the lack of support for so many millions and millions of dollars in revenue.

That was upsetting, to say the least. While we're reminiscing, what do you think Ryan Twin 20 is doing nowadays? Well, I think we give that guy way too much attention because I think his thing is to be outrageous to get attention. I think that he's crazy like a fox, if you will. He's not really a nut job talking about fucking katie couric or whatever like he doesn't i doubt he says that stuff to his friends in real life i think he's just like yeah i do this character on the internet called ryan 2020 or whatever and yeah they think i'm insane look at this stuff i do i don't think he's that goofy can you give give me a quick rundown, like an example of what he does or something?

I think Kyle's wrong. But here, to write it down, years ago, he did this thing where he said, come call me. And the spiel went something like, I don't care if you're race, if you're black, white, gay, whatever. Just call me if you need someone to talk to. I'll answer. I'll talk to you. That's my thing. And, and I learned about that. So we called him on the show, which is like, that's all I knew of him. He was this like, nice guy who talked to people. So we called him on the show and started talking to him for a while. And he started getting like really racist really homophobic

he sleeps with his cousin which to be honest i don't really care but it was like added on to all the other crazy stuff that he did and he's like did i say racist that was a big deal he was like he just hated everything um and then the lies he told you know he said he was a millionaire or multi-millionaire yet he was homeless and you and things that just didn't add up right. You know, and basically. In his first go around on the Internet, he did this thing, he got kind of well known. And then because they all like knew him, like he outed himself as like a racist dick bag. He went homeless for years and then he came on our show as like his comeback

like it just worked out that way he was coming back i discovered him he came on our show and he out of himself as a racist dick bag again so you know he he went in hiding but he didn't go in hiding he he started like threatening me he'd make these videos where he just like breathed deeply into the camera like and i'm writing writing like call me maybe parodies in response. Like I don't give a fuck about this not threatening guy. And he didn't ask me anything. And he got so much hate on it. This is two months ago that he ended up deleting it and stuff like that.

And you think he was just doing this all for attention? Just because it's like, well, I can't get attention based on my merits, so I'll get it by being overly contentious and being a racist or just being needlessly abrasive. Kyle does. Kyle thinks he's crazy like a fox. You don't think that. No, I think he's an unstable dickbag.

I think that he would like to be a nice guy on the internet but he's not and you know he he it comes through all the time is he still doing his his thing on youtube or not he's going back underground you know so like he'll hope that it's all blown over and say hey like you didn't ask me anything on reddit and uh like some of the top things this guy's a complete scum racist beggar homophobe fuck this guy fucked your cousin lately that's the kind of feedback he's getting um he posted what'd you say his name is ryan twin 180 ryan twin 20 um why are you searching for him or something? I'm just going to look it up to see what's going on here. Let me see. See, he's deleted so much of his Reddit history.

When I bookmarked it, it was fun. It's less fun now because his own history is gone. I just wonder what Ryan Twin 20 is doing lately. Because he keeps getting himself in trouble on the internets. Hmm. I don't know.

So, hey, you probably don't know. So him mentioning you is probably the biggest surge of popularity he's ever gotten. So he wants you to come back at him, right? He wants you to get involved in a tiff. That assumes that he's getting some sort of pleasure out of the internet hating him, and I don't think that's the case.

I think he'd much rather be a popular figure and not a universally hated figure. I want to hear, Kyle, why do you think this guy is just a troll fucking with people because none of his videos are on his channel unless they're somewhere else yeah he keeps taking down his video whenever he gets hated he runs that to me is you know i'm trying to like i'm trying again in my shot at internet fame he says he got on a bunch of TV shows. They interviewed him for his call me any time thing. But I don't even know what's true anymore.

Kyle, you're muted. I think he just likes attention. And he just keeps trying to recreate himself as some new internet fad every time and that's why he's deleting all the old stuff because he doesn't want any evidence of it he wants people to discover him for the first time and you know to think he's somebody to think it's a whole new thing every time i think he keeps coming out with some it's always something ridiculous and crazy and stupid. It's...

I don't know. You know what's ridiculous? I never found him. Dollar Shave Club ads. Absolutely. DollarShaveClub.com slash PKA. That's the way you get started, folks. Okay?

These plans start out at as little as $3 per month. Signing up takes about two minutes. There's no membership fees and there's no commitment. Plus, they have a money-back guarantee. I always hear that money-back guarantee. I don't know who actually returns shaving razors. I don't think anybody would, but you really have nothing to lose here.

If you want to take advantage of this, dollarshaveclub.com slash pka today. Merker's leaving again? I had to pee and get more coffee. It is really hard to like like i was like all right i've got a new topic we're gonna do this oh well i guess we'll make the new topic four minutes from now when he gets back i'm sure he i'm sure he's making a quick

stop over there to none of you guys take his medication iron bladder woody that wasn't very long what am i complaining about you don't drink that much, though. You did another energy drink. I killed a gamma while I was on the show. Oh. All right. Are you guys ready? This is a would you rather. Would you rather start your life over while retaining all the

knowledge and skills you have from now on or have a million dollars to spend every year but not earn more than that so you get a million bucks a year as you're spending money or start your life over with all the knowledge and skills start it over yeah you can make a lot more if you start it over even just by remembering shit that's happened like remember who wins a few Super Bowls? Go Marty McFly on it. A couple Super Bowls, a couple ideas. Oh, who's this Apple or Macintosh?

Maybe they're worthwhile. Oh, are you crazy? IBM's going to trounce them. Oh, yeah? Fuck yourself. I'm going to be a billionaire. Yeah, definitely so. It would take a while, though. A million bucks every year.

Oh, but it says not able to gain any more money than that uh no but that was for the million dollar one a million dollars a year is do you pretty well yeah but you could do much better and you could right any wrongs that you feel might be in your life uh you know you're like damn i really should have asked suzy out to the prom i could have taken suzy because you like and maybe you talked to suzy three years later she's like you really should have asked me to prom i'd have fucked you crazy and you're just like you would be hey there suzy and go back if you could go back and relive that and know exactly that everybody else was thinking the same way as you at that age and you can you have some

kind of perspective on them imagine the way you interact with children now you kind of know where that you're like hey how's it going really yeah and you kind of like you already know what the responses are going to be how you doing well i'm not i'm not saying you you fuck any children or anything woody but you're a child too right um more like you know you build a better stronger social ties you have more friends growing up maybe you know you you you end up with a better even enjoy you even enjoy your whole childhood? Or would you be unable to enjoy a childhood? What are you talking about?

It was Doogie Howser. He didn't really have any age-appropriate friends. Well, maybe not a literal Doogie Howser. I really don't want that many age-appropriate friends. Clearly not a literal Doogie Howser. If you're in Kindergarten with the spirit of current Kyle, you're going to be like, of current kyle you're gonna be like all these kids are so stupid i'd skip through all that literally need help getting into the car

carpool well i couldn't skip that you have to go through it that should be a stipulation adults would treat you like a child and it would suck no they wouldn't after after one conversation with me they wouldn't i swear they would i swear like like like your mom would respect you when it was convenient to her right exactly watch benjamin button they know that he's old as shit and they treat him like a child because he looks that way that's how i i feel like i'd take some sort of an uh a placement exam the skip right to like the 10th grade or something i don't know whatever yeah but then you're going up against all the things you just said we're like oh why don't i take suzy q to prom i don't know maybe because you're four and she's 18 and you're just some weird smarmy toddler that nobody wants to

hang out with because god this guy's got like the mind of a 30 year old uh no i i feel like it would be a little weird for like your first i don't know 14 years or so it would be you establishing yourself as the genius child who has the mind of a 30 year old but i have a distinct memory when i was 12 years old right i was not the most popular kid in school but like the five most popular guys these are guys they were skipping and singing some jingle that was on tv all the time, like an advertisement song. And they skipped and they blasted open the doors and they continued

skipping in the building. The me of 12 was like, I wish I was in that clique. The me of now has no desire to talk to those people. You're singing TV commercials? Fuck you. You are so uninteresting to me

that's maybe you want to be cool maybe 12 year old you can hook it up with like a 15 16 year old chick and nothing wrong with that i i think merca nails it amongst the people that i would be interested in that like curiously old soul 16 year old she would not nothing to do with 13 year old i mean i i think you're not giving your credit self credit for how manipulative you could be when you want to get laid dude i hit puberty at 16 and 12 year old me had nothing to offer oh well well shit i hit puberty at like 12 or 13 or something like that 12 or 13 year old wanted some titties i was one of them oh i wanted titties i just had no ability to score

i was one of the biggest kids in fourth grade and one of the smallest kids in sixth grade fuck me ah so what what would you kyle you're going with relive your life i'm gonna say relive your life even though i would be worried like because part of how my understanding of it was is that you wouldn't get to pop out of the womb and be like hey y'all let me tell you all the things i know like i thought you'd have to suffer through being like like only having the speech capabilities of a five-year-old nope but knowing all that regain your motor skills right like i think in your first year you're probably learning to walk learning to do all these things you might be a quick learner maybe you walk it six months you know faster than most kids but no i imagine that it's it's everything that's contained in here

is transplanted into baby me and i pop out like who's talking you know that old john travolta what the fuck's going on here oh god mom that was rough huh you weren't exaggerating when I was growing up told me that story 15 times but when I really think oh god and everybody's just like ah holy shit I want you to be fully cognizant and like scared and horrified while in the womb right like the moment of conception you have nine years of sensory deprivation when I was being born the umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck so i i was i was sort of stillborn i was born and i wasn't breathing my heart was beating i suppose but i wasn't breathing i was all blue so i'd be like in in the womb like i know it's

coming or maybe i just like unwrap the fucking thing right you just handle that shit yourself like tighten there channel my way out i don't know how that would work but i would definitely want to start over for all of these drowning for nine months that'd be horrible i can breathe you can breathe liquid when you're i feel like you're drowning like i would want to be cognizant in the womb it's just knowing everything you know in your head it's just blackness you go you go crazy it'd be like being in a coma you'd be listening you'd be listening until your dad fucking your mom yeah that'd be good for your you know there's a reason that your memories don't develop that early there's a lot of trust me your mother could be listening right now it's mom i heard you that would be good

woody are you going with a million dollars or the i don't know man so you get a million dollars every year from birth that i would be such a cunt growing up with that like you know like my whole sense of like money and i don't know i just feel like if i grew up earning a million dollars every year i'd be a dick i probably think so i i wonder if i'm a dick now. A little. A little, right? So here's the thing. I value people on how they treat people below them. Below them is not the term I want to use, but go with it, right? Like how they treat waiters and service staff and stuff like that.

Inferiors. Yeah, there you go. That's what I meant to say, right? Inferiors. So because of that, I kind of go out of my way to like, I tip well, cause I, cause I can, I am, I'm nice, et cetera. Having said that, I don't suffer fools well at all. Today I was calling Time Warner. So I got my first bill at the new house for my cable and it had the cable modem charge on there, but I bought my own cable modem.

So I had to call them and have it fixed. Anyway, something about customer support people will often take like three or four minutes to say goodbye. There's this like, all right, so I've just removed the $17.04 charge from your thing, and I've removed the reoccurring charge from here. So you're all set up. Can I interest you in any other packages? Are you this? Are you that? and it's literally going on for like a minute and a half before it's like you know and i'm like can i let you go can we stop here you know like i have no customer service people don't deserve any anything from us they they get the worst from me i've literally screamed and called them a cunt on the phone before i i don't like customer service people in the way so first of all if you've ever

called them you give them your problem right like hey it's having an issue here i was this was supposed to happen but this happened instead here's what they say every fucking time is they read their goddamn script and make me feel like a number oh well i can definitely assist you with that sir could i first get the last four digits of your social security number you don't know that you could definitely help me i didn't just list something that's part of your your repertoire your your area of expertise you didn't just say oh cable modems well shit i know all about that i can definitely help you out that's not what happened you read a fucking line off a thing i could have said i just can't get an erection anymore i don't know what to do i stick my finger in my ass

and that sometimes gets it going but not really well sir i could definitely help you out with that but first let me get it it's just like we're gonna say that no matter what yeah exactly they come with that same thing every time and i'm just like can you because the last four people couldn't and they said they could too like i hate getting thrown around on that stupid phone game where it's like oh i can't help you with canceling this subsection of your cable package but you better believe larry can over in hr and it's like all right. Larry's on the way. And then Larry can't do shit. And you get sent back to Stephanie and she asks... Or this happens. I'll work

with the first person. I'll suffer with them. And all they know how to do is reboot cable modems. Okay, fine. Then I go to the next person and I suffer through them. And they know a little more, but they're not solving my problem and they know less than me. And then they transfer me to the third person, but the call ends there. And I never get to the third person but the call ends there and

i never get to the third person so now i have to call back again and i deserve to skip the first two i do and at that point i'm like you know dude i need to go to level three i need to go level i've been through this before level one and two didn't help me but they make me go through the exercise of like rebooting the modem again and it i don't like that i don't there is no level no no you can skip these levels i i skip the levels so i get i have a general contractor now these fuckers are always telling me stories of where they buy their materials right one guy like the the molding in his house was from the 40s and he looked all over for it and then he went to this one place, and they had a lot of it. Okay, picture that story in the seven-minute version,

told to you three times so far. Oh, my God. Stop. At what point do I rudely cut him off like, psst, psst? So let me get this straight, Woody. It frustrates you when someone tells the same story over and over. I hear you. I hear you. I hear you.

I see what you did there. The only way to handle that is to, you have to wait for like 45 seconds into the story. And then at a point that's clearly not meant to be funny, you just over the top, just like knee slap her like. Jesus, I know I hired you. And make him feel so uncomfortable that he won't want to talk to you anymore like kind of like give him like an arm squeeze that's a little too familiar but I know what you're talking about with those customer service people

when they recap what they've just done I've noticed that like I think it is a conscious decision on the part of those companies to like have them talk a while so you're like okay so I waited a while but listen to all the stuff they did. They're tricking me into thinking more was done

than just give me the rigmarole and leave. I'm more nefarious. I think they're filibustering so that they don't have to take the next call. I think it's like, all right, this one's a solver. I'm good. Oh, that's true. I'm not even 15 minutes in,

which is where they, I'll just filibuster for 15 minutes and let any other calls fall to my coworkers. That's to me what it is. I get angry with those people really quickly, probably more quickly than I should. But like recently, my debit card wouldn't work. I don't even remember where it was, but it just wouldn't work. It was denied.

And it's just happened a few other times where like they just turn it off like because of suspicious charges. So I call them and I'm like, what were the suspicious charges? And it's not my bank. It's the card company or something like that or some higher up at the bank. That's not part of the local branch. They're part of like whatever, like all the branches. They handle these calls. And she's like, well, there must have been some suspicious activity on there.

And I was like, well, what were the two purchases? She was like, well, there was one here at this Wilco gas station. There was another here at this Guns and Gear firearm gun store. Are those your purchases? And I'm like, yeah, yeah. She's like, oh, well, they must have seen those as suspicious. And I was like, oh, so the gas station next to my house that i go to three times a week and the gun store that i've spent like 40 fucking grand at over the last three years

those were the suspicious purchases those ones i bet you've got a lot more suspicious stuff on there than that right like there's all kinds of crazy shit on there like i'll be out of state like without any warning and suddenly like dropping a few hundred dollars on some dinner in like texas or then or you know something like that now that's a suspicious charge if all of a sudden someone who's like 90 of their charges are in georgia and then suddenly hundreds of dollars are being spent at a steakhouse in texas it's like wait a second nobody fucking raises an alarm about that nobody thinks twice but when i pump gas next to my house and then follow that up by 150 worth of ammo two more miles down the road it's oh crisis lockdown mode let me let me ask you if i'm a dick

here goes so today yeah um he already knows today i'm at a um i'm trying to buy a lock for the master bedroom doors now these are these are double doors that open so most locking solutions depend on like one being a jam and the other being a door right it fixes on this but when they both swing open most locking solutions don't work you follow so you know this is. It would just not work. So I go to a locksmith. And on Google Maps, they said they sold all kinds of locks and such. And the building was large. So going in there, I thought there was going to be like some kind of showroom. But they had tons of workbenches and stuff.

But just the same. I'm there. And I explain the problem to them. And both the doors are 24 inches. So it opens wide at 48. But at 24 by itself, I'm like problem to them. And both the doors are 24 inches. So it opens wide at 48. But at 24 by itself, I'm like going through sideways. So I want a solution where I kind of unlock both at the same time and can walk through two doors. The guy that's helping me is 24 or something.

And I lay it out for him, you know, clearly and in like 60 seconds. And he doesn't know what to do. But he's young. in like 60 seconds and he doesn't know what to do but he's young and i kind of like in my head the guy that can solve this problem is like 60 and has seen every lock in the world you show a door he knows what lock it needs yeah exactly you know like that's the guy and uh and this guy has no idea and he just starts like making shit up right and which is the worst thing you can do you can admit incompetence i'm fine with that i'm And which is the worst thing you can do. You can admit incompetence. I'm fine with that.

I'm incompetent in lots of areas that you can go get help. So, you know, he's stuck. He's like looking through catalogs and stuff, clearly wasting my time. I could Google search better than this. And so then he brings in another guy. This guy's like 20. He's even younger. And this guy has no fucking clue.

They start. There's a double door in the building so they're like looking at how it works like how their lock works but the trouble is their double doors are gigantic so that the solution they chose was like a four-step combo to open the inactive door where they use one door almost all the time is it where it's got posts that go up and and then down into the floor that's called like a cumber block or something like that this one you open one door and then on the interior of the door there's like a special switch that like unlocks a mortise at

the top and the bottom and then the other doors but it's not on the surface mount like you're talking about it's built into the side into the in the jam of the door sort of yeah that's how my parents French doors are okay so and that works fine if you have that doesn't work for what you have if one of the doors is all used most of the time that's a fine solution but on a 24 inch door like a full-size man would almost have to turn sideways so um but I don't I'm not there's no confidence in here that uh that like these guys are going to solve it because they're literally walking around the building for door examples on what might work and then they bring another guy in and he's this is where he looks 16 years old

and uh and again and i i even sound like are there any like grown-ups that work here that maybe have seen more locks and and they just kept getting younger and i left and jackie's like you know you just he's like anyone would have been frustrated there but you don't suffer fools like ever and and i just i guess no i i can understand the frustration there i've been through stuff like that where like the person i'm dealing with clearly knows less than I do. And that really frustrates me. It's like this is supposed to be what you do.

You should know how many pounds of black powder I can buy because I sure as fuck do. I know exactly how many pounds I can buy. Why don't you, you person who sells black powder? Like maybe it's because you're a stupid fucking cunt and they should have hired a man. That's only half it. That's only half it. It's okay to be bad. Like I'll even get that. that just stop pretending to be good you're wasting all of our time right you know if if this stupid cunt in your example was like you know i don't know i gotta get my partner

he'll know then that'd be a thing but instead he's like oh sure i can help you whipping out catalogs of like exterior locks that were fucking safes he's looking at. He's looking at safes for examples. Yeah, right? Like safe locks. Jackie, you ready to get busy? We'll hand you my stuff so you can go into the bedroom.

Yeah, it's just, fuck. Just like with the carpenters. You can be bad. I get that. I make mistakes. You know, it happens. It's cool.

Just don't sit there and pretend it's all cool. You didn't actually call them. You didn't say, like, I need a grown-up here. For real, did you? I think I actually used the word grown-up. Because if you actually used the word grown-up, then that is dickish. Well, they were really incompetent. I think I've been like, is there someone, like, this may be older,

but with more experience, maybe you've seen something like this? Like, because you don't know what the fuck you're talking about. I might have said older or that isn't a kid or something. Like, it was a little dickish. Did you bend over and put your hands on your knees and go, I'm going to need to talk to somebody a little older. I wish I had. I could have had smack.

I have a lock problem, and it's making me sad. Dude, so we ended up going to a hardware store, and another guy, two issues. One, he didn't know what he was doing, and two, he was completely unenthusiastic. I'm like, you know, hey man, here's my deal. I got these doors. They both swing open, kind of like a French door, but it's interior and it's narrow. So we need to, what I want is a way ability to lock them because it's a bedroom door, wink, wink, but I want to open

two at one time. And he's just like, he doesn't know what he's doing and he has no enthusiasm for the problem solving and whatever. Eventually he says he says oh i think that other guy was working you know with your contractor on this i'll get him he comes in he's bald on top he's got gray hair and that like male pattern baldness horseshoe thing going on and he's amazing he's amazing he starts like like oh yeah what you need is an automatic flush trim mount you'll lock and then that one will cause the inactive door concept i hadn't even heard of the active and inactive doors so you know to function like a jam then you can have any lock you want and we're going through these different things and at one point i'm like you are like you know everything about locks and he's like yes and i'm sure you know a lot about your job too i'm like i do

that's a good point like yeah if you were to talk to me about computers you might be quite surprised how much i picked up over the last 20 some years and and it was it was a pleasure he was really competent and we every now and then you run into a professional and it's great yeah i just but i don't suffer fools well and I worry that I'm a dick. You can be a dick sometimes. But you're usually a dick to people that really don't matter that much like cab drivers. The cab driver. We talked about this one, right?

People that don't matter. It was like, okay, we don't know where we're going. You follow that cab. And then he stops at a yellow light. And it's like, now he's like, oh, where are we going? I don't know. we're going you follow that cab and then he stops at a yellow light and it's like you know he's like oh where are we going i don't know we covered this very clearly even in the beginning it wasn't just like you follow that it's like we don't know where we're going you've got to stay close to that cab like that's your thing you follow him and then he didn't and he stopped at a yellow light which i think is a meter running up tactic.

And now we're lost. We don't know exactly what the restaurant's called or where it is. And I was grumpy toward him. But, dude, unfollow that cab. Get your shit together. That was a real failure. That guy was bad. I'm trying to think of some other times.

Yeah. Yeah, we were going to the Capital Grill For second dinner I think you and I were in a cab And maybe Kitty Like Lozon or something We were in the first cab Yeah and then I had a girl with me I don't know where she was at the time

But we were all split up And we didn't know where the fuck we were going We were really dependent on following Joe's cab And he dropped the ball big time And he was just like shocked he's like so where are we going and he's like we don't know like like that's why you're following oh it's not my fault you know the light is yellow i have to stop and then he got us there and he part i guess what he called joe or something like that and he got us there and he parked us on the other side of the street and he's like we're not there yet we're not there yet go down here turn around and drop us off on

the right end of the street like what the fuck but there was something about the street that wasn't like easily crossable it might have had a median or something there was a lot of traffic yeah like it it was the sort of thing where like you gotta drop us on the right side of the street that you're you're freaking cab you know like that you know like that's a big part of being a cabbie is getting people where they need to go not in the vicinity of it or pretty damn close I believe you have Kitty's really

short with them as well she's like do you know where the convention center is and if they're like um let me see we'll just we're getting out she's just like out of the fucking like you don't know where the convention center is and you're a cab driver like we just don't even need to talk like it's not gonna work dude so i was watching this thing about like the future of the world there's a lot of really interesting stuff happening here so one is cars where they drive themselves

and the impact that that will have. Um, like one, of course, like all that time could be regained if cars drive themselves, you know, somehow they think that that means that people will start sharing cars more car sharing is supposed to be a really big thing coming up.

Uber, Uber is changing things in a, in a really big way. They think that Uber is the next step for last mile delivery. Something like Uber. No longer do you have UPS trucks solely devoted to the task of last mile. There'll be Uber drivers

who just pick things up, handle their neighborhood, and last mile becomes a crowdsourced type thing. I don't want that to be crowdsourced. I don't want a bunch of fucks in their 19 you know 97 dodge stratus driving around with the whole neighborhood shit in there i don't trust that guy no i don't either there's a reason those jobs exist i don't want this guy

looking through everybody's stuff yeah i want one of those oh what's oh miss johnson is hires exactly i want someone qualified it does seem like that rigorous training i'm really impressed with supply chain management like they're good at it now the fact that amazon can get anything to me in a day if i pay an extra like 4.99 blows me away that is is pretty cool. That's so shocking. But yeah, what if the new thing, because the downside of big infrastructure delivery that's so impressive, the downside of that is they can't really do four-hour delivery.

That's not a thing. But you could totally have Uber-like delivery, scavengers, scabs, taking things from the grocery store to your house. Have you guys used Uber? I never have. My ex-girlfriend was

driving for Uber around the time we broke up and she was enjoying that. I know she had her pistol in the front seat though. Sometimes I think of Uber as my plan B. If shit gets really fucked up i'm totally driving drunks around on new year's eve oh god make like 500 bucks that night i think i don't know if it's safer to drive drunk or with woody i'm not really sure i know you'll be more likely

to get to your destination if you're driving drunk uh i i just it's like i'm not paying attention or something i don't know i now with the in construction they're always like you know you know yonkers there's that place on yonkers no i don't know i never leave my office ever like i'm an expert in what my office is like i don't go anywhere i don't go like no they could i didn't used to know road names like it was just a thing i never took the time to learn the names of the highways even in my community they're in my in the general roads it's only in the like the last four years or so that i've been like i should really know what the name of the road that goes from here to there is and i'm like actually tried to memorize all that stuff so when

people are like yeah you just go down highway 59 and you get to the T with 77, you make a left there, and you go all the way down to Ebron, you're there. And I'm just like, I don't know what any of that shit means. Those are just random numbers. Nowadays, someone tried to do that for me today. Oh, yeah, yeah, you just take capitals, you make a right on this. I'm like, dude, dude, dude, dude, I'll Google map this. This verbal direction, what is this this the 70s like just stop it

right yeah that's the other thing that's gonna take a left at the big tree which is actually more helpful to me than street names sometimes when they give me little landmarks they're like there's a dunkin donuts with a you know old elderly guy sitting out front of it with fake no legs for vietnam asking for money take a left you're gonna see a big oak on the right don't stop wendy's you went too far i like that yeah i like to know oh there's wendy's fucking turn around we can't be close and even though you went too far there's still wendy's so you can there you go i just want google maps can you change the google maps voice from that awful woman nuggets are so good i don't really know remember um i i always change to a to a female voice i i don't like having a man tell me what to do my wife strongly dislikes the google maps female voice over the

iphone i don't know if it's the iphone speaker or the voice but i'm willing to try anything else he's like turned left at the next intersection like fuck you i'll go straight i'll make three fucking rights and get there. Kiss my ass. She strongly petitions for Apple Maps because the voice is more pleasant. But I'm like, Apple Maps. I don't know if I trust them. I don't know

about that. I use, what do you call it? OnStar for most things. OnStar is amazing. I had to navigate the other day to a lawyer's office out in Atlanta, and it was really jumbled up, and it was in an area where there were like a dozen lawyer's offices, and it was just like, well, which fucking one?

But OnStar is just great at that. The downside is, and it's probably not true anymore, but the OnStars I've seen you and your father own didn't have great displays. It didn't have like an eight inch lcd display it had like a one inch black and green it's on the vehicle yeah it definitely does like i think uh if you've got the screen there like the navi screen then it's much better service that's the way to but i don't think they're offered on well they weren't offered on everything they probably are now in 2015 probably so i don't know i don't know about in the camaro or whatever but the camaro is a little better when you're driving it because it's got the heads up

display and the head you know lasered on the windshield and it's got pretty pretty good navigation i forgot about that i rarely see it because usually you drive the you gotta be like right behind it to see it yeah yeah so the dodge power wagon has been my new the power wagon power wagon man it it's basically a dodge three-quarter ton truck like a 2500 series it's lifted two inches and it has a winch in the front bumper and i'm like that's perfect because it all started when we did the pka adventure with the whitewater rafting and kyle told me that the trucks i was looking at, like the half tons, I can't drive like an idiot in. Like you can't just run over curbs and go into drainage ditches

and stuff because they're street trucks and they'll have like spoilers and things that get torn off. And I'm like I didn't know that. But the power wagon is totally... It's got lots of plastic. It's designed for idiots. You have to climb into it it's

it's like a can we see this thing because you told me about it the other day and i and i actually didn't look it up i was in the middle of a civ game or something but i i never i don't even know what this power wagon looks like but the name is awesome well you sure can it reminds me of the pussy wagon from kill bill i hope it looks just like it. It's going to look like a 2500 series truck. Here's the first one I found. So this is one that you're seriously considering? Yes.

I don't like the graphics on this one. It's a little too... Oh, you got to have the decal. It's a little too look at me for my taste. That's what makes it fast. That's what makes it fast, huh? Yeah. God, these all have the decal, really.

Fucking truck. Yeah, yeah. Look at that thing. Here's... I think I like this one more. I don't like those wheels and tires. I feel like the tires should be bigger. I don't know if this one has the same wheels as the last one I showed you.

But I like the sort of stealthy winch thing. If you look at that second picture, you can see the cables coming out and it's hooked into the toe thing in the front. It's tall. It has a 6.4 liter Hemi. 6.4 liter V8 is a serious motor.

There's like 400 some horsepower and 410 torque if I remember right. That'll get it done. That's a big time truck. That is. I checked out the electronics that come with it.

They're all very good. How much is it? A brand new one that's nice. It looks like the sticker was $60. I saw it on eBay for $50. And I did like form searching and stuff. And people were getting like, they're like, this dealership was letting it go for a steal at like, you know, $42 or something like that.

So I guess it depends how lucky I am but there's the range like 42 to 50 is how much they call wagon I feel like it needs a fucking harpoon on it or something that'd be cooler than a winch it would not as practical never know what you just press a button and maybe like laser aim it from inside then push a button and fucking heart. That would take a whole new level of road rage. Avast ye! And you shoot it into the fucking Corolla

in front of you and keep it close till the next exit. This thing has been I've actually gotten a little bit of truck fever. Wings of Redemption used to get truck fever. You know and he would go and buy the truck. He'd get truck fever. He would go and buy the truck. He'd get truck fever.

Did he have four trucks at one point? He had a few. I think he bought, I forget if it was three or four vehicles in a year. Two trucks and a Tahoe, something like that. He forgot the car. He got a car in there, too. What kind of car? I don't remember.

I'm not sure about this car. There's two trucks in one year and a Tahoe for his girlfriend. He bought his girlfriend a Tahoe. And they were so serious, they broke up like a month later or something. He was quick to be... I guess he got a feeling of satisfaction out of being a provider. I think that was the scoop behind that. And he bought her a tahoe so um uh but i've got definitely get carried away with it he'd push the button like he wouldn't want wings controlling the nuclear arsenal he'd be quick

to just fucking let it let him have uh whereas i'm in this planning like you know we we've got other things to buy and just happen like i i remember he'd just be like oh yeah this truck blah blah and i'm like what do you mean i thought your truck was red well no this one's pearl white and i'm just like holy shit that's like a 45 000 truck with a roush engine in it or something like that yeah yeah like and they were nice trucks that he wasn't very nice trucks They were very nice trucks that he had. I don't remember what the other one was. I remember there was the pearl-ish white one.

With the Roush motor, right? Yeah. The other one was a Ford EcoBoost something. That. I don't remember what color that one was. How's he doing? I'm mixed up too. I only know what you guys tell me, and I haven't heard in a couple weeks.

Is he still doing something with Drew, or what's going on with wings fill me in i think and so one thing he said a while back was he was going to focus more on making dollars and less on losing pounds in a nutshell because he for whatever reason he felt like he couldn't do both at the same time uh so he's been doing that i think he's been streaming a good bit i think he's been making a few videos and I think recently he made a video the premise for these videos and I think boogie may have done one but I haven't watched it is that you're supposed to be making it sort of a video log that's a message to your past self I think it's it's like hey little you these are the things you need to know because I've lived

this life and and you should know these things going forward so that you don't make the mistakes I make I think that's the concept that the video is supposed to uh to take but instead he did one that was he was basically gonna like save this video I suppose and then one year from now he'd watch it again and it was a message to future him so it was like hey there buddy i don't know if you recognize me but i'm what you used to be like a year ago and it kind of went from there and i watched it all and what did you think about About what? About the video. It wasn't his best video.

It wasn't his best video he's done. I feel like he could have... It wasn't his best video. It was entertaining, but I'll just leave it at that. I don't want to be an asshole about it, but I didn't think it was great. I liked his most recent video much better where he and Gangster Grandma sit there with these tricked jelly beans that some of them taste like, I don't know, peppermint or toothpaste.

And some of them taste like whatever rotten eggs and stuff like that. And they kind of go back and forth and eat them. And while I don't think he was hitting the comedic tones that he was sort of aiming for, like I've always said, he's most entertaining when he's he's most he's at his most entertaining accidentally. always said he's most entertaining when he's he's most he's at his most entertaining accidentally so just i was just enjoying watching him interact with his grandmother and and you know sitting at the table that's accidentally my favorite wings has always been honest wings right like you know some of the walking videos and stuff um he was putting for putting on a brave face and that's not what i enjoy in a video i i like it when he's up i like it when he's down i like it when he's in between so long as he's honest and um that that's why i like his live

streams you know his live streams are usually like the the uncensored wings you know if he's doing great then oftentimes when he's playing well or when things are coming easy to him, he's happy when he's playing poorly. That makes him sad, mad really. But, um, in either case, I enjoy it because it's the real him.

Um, my least favorite wings is when he does a video that, um, is, you know, it's to put on a show, but I'll say reading the comment sections and looking at the likes, if he puts on a video saying like you're so happy good job you we're gonna slay the dragon this time around everyone loves it and they root for him and i can see why he does it it's just not my cup

of tea i i know him too well i know what's true what's not and i think it's debatable about whether or not he knows what's true or not you know maybe when he's making that video it's it's debatable about whether or not he knows what's true or not. Maybe when he's making that video, it's not him putting on an act. He's just like, all right, we're going to do it this time. Let's do this. And he's psyched himself up because I know what that feels like to get super motivated about something, but it's short-lived. A week later, you're kind of burnt out on it because you just went so hard that first week. With working out, it because you just went so hard that first week it's it with working out it's hard to i was talking about the walking vlogs in particular where you know he would later come back and admit

that you know like he's like that wasn't wasn't true you know i wasn't really feeling like i said i was and i could tell when they were fresh that he wasn't really feeling like he said he was um and it's not that it's evil right right? I mean, like I think everyone who makes YouTube videos sometimes puts on a brave face. It's just, you know, when a Wings video really lights me on fire, it's whatever's true at the moment. That can be awesome. That can be sad.

That can be in between. Just true. I wish you'd get serious about his health. I really wish you, because I'm kind of doing it right now. And one of the biggest drawbacks is always food. And I feel like I've gotten better at cooking. And so I'm cooking really tasty meals that I like that are really healthy. I'm making these Southwestern, I don't know how to describe it.

I take yellow rice and black beans and steak and chicken and green chilies and diced tomatoes and habaneros and a bunch of vegetables and bell peppers and stuff like that. And I cook three or four things separately and then I stir it all together. And it's delicious and it's really healthy. I'm not thriving right now and I don't accept my own excuses anymore. The excuse is this. Because I'm like supervising this construction. I eat out for lunch every day.

And I think that is exactly why I've gained some weight. Not a ton. I'm not like mega fat or anything, but I'm heavier than I aspire to be. So, um, monitor went off. So,

um, uh, and I'm saying like, ah, you know, it's just hard to eat healthy when you eat out all the time. And, uh, but then I'm like, you know what? I'm staying in the guest house. It has a kitchen. The kitchen's not stocked.

Well, why not? Dick bang, you know, like stock it, put all the stuff in. What do you want to make vegetables? You know, grab a bag of frozen peas and rice and peas and what we call George Foreman chicken, which is nothing but grilled chicken, really. You know, go put healthy foods in there and cook for yourself at lunch and eat better. Just do it. You've got all the things. So I think you're going to step in that direction. I really enjoy it.

I feel like if you got into cooking a little bit, I know I've started enjoying it a lot. And I'm always looking at recipes. And when I'm at the grocery store, it's a much bigger deal because I'm like, I know the ingredients that i need and i'm getting you know fresh herbs and spices and stuff in my head i'm making excuses for myself the oven in the guest house is awful it's got those like coil electric things you know that's fine burner what's that i'll get it done that'll get it done right you know the excuses are for you never hear winners making excuses or They're just fucking, all right, so it's not ideal. You'll have your gas grill in a couple of months. Yeah, just step up, cook. Send me your recipes if you like them.

Something healthy and good that I can start with. Maybe, like you said, I've never really taken an interest in cooking, but if I did, anything's better than restaurant food. Yeah, there's a lot. I like the, we've got some nice cooking knives now. So I feel like a fucking samurai in there. I'm going to town on this stuff. Every time I make a slip, I cut myself again.

I'm just always covered in band-aids. I'm in there just like, oh, I will take you down, Mr. Pepper. And I'm just like, ah, god damn it. I hold my hand up high. Yeah, cuts all over your hands. A high-end kitchen knife for Christmas. And I see that she's using this sharper image thing instead.

Maybe I'll take it from me and go at it. I don't know. This kitchen knife is nice. I'll report back in a PKA or two on how the cooking for myself is going. Yeah. I like, I've been, I've been cooking a lot of stuff, like lots of steak and chicken is kind of the main, I make sure there's a lot of protein, a lot of meat mixed in there, but

I usually cook something spicy with a little bit of rice and black beans and lots of vegetables. But you don't follow a recipe. You've got it sort of wired in your head as to what to do yeah i just think of things that would taste good in there so it's like oh let's put two scoops of green chilies in there and a scoop of diced jalapenos and that's what's good about stir fry you can just add it as you go make it up you guys it looks good try it like at this point i'm not like like i think you develop a certain skill set like this much green peppers is a lot and this much is a little. This much cinnamon is too much and this much is appropriate. I think I need to follow recipes and get my toolbox filled out.

Yeah, maybe so. But yeah, I've been really enjoying it. I've been marinating my steak and making different marinades and stuff. I'm going to go buy some steak tomorrow. That sounds way better than the kadobas that I had today i don't even know what kadobas is oh it's a fast food it's like a chipotle yeah oh like the same thing as chipotle but with queso and not i was gonna say not as good for you but it's probably the exact same shit sounds a lot like moe's yeah oh yes it's the same as moe's not as good as Moe's. It's hard. You could get the bowl at Moe's or maybe the place you've been going.

That's fairly healthy. Yeah, Chipotle, you can get the burrito bowl. Yeah. I'm getting chicken gumbo, which is awesome, but not dietetic. So I did skip the brownie baby steps but it was he was calling me too but i was like no no start now the trick for me is always keeping like tasty stuff out of the out of the house because i often wake up in the middle of the night like wanting a snack and i'll go upstairs and like if there's a pint of like frozen yogurt, I might start eating that.

So I'm like, you can't buy fucking ice cream and candy. Kitty likes candy. All this fucking candy. So much candy. British candy, American candy, European candy. Everywhere, like Gobstoppers and jelly beans and fucking licorice sticks and Mike and Ike's and all this dark chocolate and milk chocolate

and special chocolate and truffles and all this crap and i'm just like what the fuck there's like four different kinds of oreos it's hard to stay healthy when you've got that kind of shit around i i really hate problems is the way that this house is often stocked is i'll come downstairs wanting something that's moderately bad like you know I'll have pretzels or something like that. Well, the only thing we have are chocolate-covered donuts. Well, fuck. There's no middle ground in your house. Yeah, there's no middle ground.

And Jackie's like, well, you could have had baby carrots. Right, right, because I wanted baby carrots. I know they're great for you, but when you're downstairs thinking on a scale of one to ten you'll five it and all you got are one and tens sometimes you make bad decisions like when you have a delicious snack it's like you're savoring it you're having fun like you're like all right i got some cheez-its like this is good but when you go to the kitchen oh yeah i'll do that too i can't keep cheez-its in the house but uh those baby carrots like when you do walk into the kitchen and you get some like baby carrots and you put them in your little bowl and you go sit down and you're snacking.

It's no longer I'm enjoying a snack. It's I'm going to get through these fucking carrots if it kills me. Like you're just sitting there spitefully eating these carrots, angry at yourself. Or like let's say that I want a snack that i can eat over time right like all right i'm gonna watch a movie with kyle and chis right so i'm gonna have a snack next to me well we don't have that kind of snack there's no popcorn here have yourself seven oreos because seven that's pretty how long does an oreo last you like eight seconds yeah okay we're watching a 2 hour movie How many Oreos do you need One bag

Okay I thought you were insulting me in the other direction Like Woody 7 you've gone crazy You need 2 Oreos I get your portion control and you're right But 2 Oreos is not a movie snack I'm gonna need 2 glasses of milk Like I can just picture Woody sitting there

Every 18 minutes watching the counter on the movie just like oh i've earned another dream start the clock yeah so um yeah i don't know where fig newton's fall on the scale but i requested them have you had terrible food yes they're awful for you? Oh, yeah. It's all sugar. It's all sugar and gluten. Lots of gluten. I don't know what gluten is. It's just things that are bad. It's something that attention seekers are allergic to. The best newtons are the apple newtons.

If you're going to eat a newton, there's no reason to eat a disgusting fig newton. When else do you eat figs? I'm a huge fan of fig Newtons. Well, I don't even know. Have you had the apple Newtons? I think I have. Apple Newtons are not as good.

Figs are better. Yeah, Kyle. I don't know if you're in the majority, but you're minority here. Oh, those crunchy seeds are gross. The fig taste is... Really? No, the seeds are a treat. That's the texture.

The seeds are a treat? No. They are a treat. Sometimes I chew them with my front pincher teeth like that what do you just just yeah he loves a seed i want to munch those seeds up those tiny tiny fig seeds no i'm not into that at all i don't like fig newtons uh apple newtons are the best if they made strawberry newtons i'd be down for that uh but as far as like decadent snacks, Pepperidge Farms, you know the cookies that come in that little bag?

It's like a roll-up bag, and it's like a small serving of like Milano's or something. They'll be like $4 worth of cookies, but it's really only like 12 cookies in there, but they're medium. Those are great, and they have like a dozen delicious flavors that it's just like so decadent you can't it'll be like chocolate butterscotch magic crunch with m&ms and skittles yeah yeah yeah but they strategically make they make the size of those bags because i know exactly

the little pepperidge farm one you get like the caramel crisp or whatever cookies they make those bags so that you have a cookie and then you're like well i didn't take a bag out to eat one cookie and then you have another one and then by that point you're like well half of this fucker's empty i'm not gonna put this back i might as well finish that first compartment of cookies you know yeah i'm the same way cookies are delicious i won't eat cookies without milk, though. Like, if you just had, I remember cookies and punch was like a thing in school, and I was like, who wants to eat fucking sugary Hawaiian fruit punch with a cookie? Right.

Six-year-olds. Like, do we all need diabetes, Ms. Walters? Is that the plan? Like, just give us some milk. Let's get some calcium rolling in here while we're down these cookies. I like to dunk them. I like to get them soggy. I like to throw them in there and let them sit for a while, then maybe get a spoon and just eat that. Yeah. I used to dunk them. I like to get them soggy. I like to throw them in there and let them sit for a while then maybe get a spoon and just eat that.

Yeah. I used to go shopping tomorrow. I'm going to go to the internet, hit some recipes, go shopping and just see where that takes me. My mouth's watering from cookies. I wish I had some goddamn cookies. I wish I had a cookie. Woody gave us a or Kitty, I should say. He signed up

for this cookie of the month club or something like that. It expired. There's no more cookies coming, man. Cookies aren't coming anymore. Did you get cut off? I did. Yeah. Kitty was helping me on WoodyCraft and as a way of saying thank you, I set her up for like a year or some cookies.

And I guess Kyle benefited too. Yeah. Anytime there was like some peanut or peanut butter in one of the cookies, I got that box of cookies. Nice. Is she allergic to peanut butter too? She's one of those super allergenic peanut people. I said the word wrong, but yeah. Yeah, it's like if she gets peanut dust on her skin,

it burns the skin. Like if she touches like some she touched a I went to Five Guys Burgers and Fries, which is the best hamburgers in the world. And the aluminum foil wrapper, I guess, had peanut oil residue on it and she threw it away and it like ate the skin off her fingers. It's ridiculous how allergic to peanuts she is. So she can't eat Chick-fil-A like at all. Off the table. I can't bring Chick-fil-A home. There's no peanut butter in this house.

I haven't had a peanut butter jelly sandwich in so long. White Boy was at Kyle's house a year ago and he vomited Reese's peanut butter pieces. That's what I'm going for. It was like a hazmat issue it was funny it's been like three or maybe even four years ago now but like this crazy bitch

i had over there like she kept feeding jack daniels like a baby with a bottle and he got very drunk and it wasn't it it was her fault like i because he was already drunk enough that he couldn't you know control how much he was gonna be drinking and if someone encourages you at that point you're just gonna keep going and so i was like no more alcohol for him no more like he's he's wasted out here he's putting vanilla in uh alcohol infused vanilla whipped cream on his head and shit making himself into an alcohol sundae he's drunk leave him alone it's like i go back inside and film like a quick thing and then when i come back outside she's like literally has like a handle of jack daniels and she's like feeding it to him and then because she was a crazy bitch i had to call the cops that night to get rid of her crazy and harley picked these two

girls up at a bar anyway so she's not the royalty girl that I'm thinking of. I don't know who the royalty girl would be, but no, no. You figured it out. You cracked the code. Yeah, I'm quick like that. It was this crazy chick from South Carolina that we picked up. And then, so yeah, he ate like half a bag of Reese's Pieces, like the family-sized big bag.

And then he started vomiting, but he was very drunk. It wasn't his fault at all, but he was just like, and it was just kind of like oozing out. Been over like, oh man, never do that again. He was just like,

It was like when you're worried about someone's health where it's just a gurgling of what they had. It was all outdoors. We had a someone's health, where it's just a gurgling of what they had. And it was all outdoors. We had a screened-in back porch with a couple of couches, and he puked all over the couch, and it was just like, shit, there's peanut butter everywhere. How drunk did you guys get last week?

The drinking episode of PKA. Too drunk to drive, probably. I really am a lightweight. I only had those four beers or whatever. That's enough to get me pretty drunk it's hard to measure i so i didn't make my own drinks but jackie like like she said she was being selfish with the cream and the milk so she was giving me like a lot of kalua so they were strongish drinks i guess and and what's that please go on so um i i i don't know if other people obsess about everything but i do and i'm like am i drunk enough am i faking and like i remember we did a pka drinking one from paintball one time and in my head i'm like i'm not drunk at all I'm just in a good mood but I had a shoe on my head

as we did the thing like I just just did the podcast with the shoe on my head and I look back and then I'm like I was definitely drunk I don't do that shit when I'm sober there was a drunken episode and uh yeah last week I was like I don't think i'm drunk but i am sweating a lot and my face is somewhat numb and the ceiling fan is oddly entertaining but i'm not i say next time we do some shots and like not too many not to excess nobody's gonna get alcohol poisoning but maybe we do like uh two shots in the course of a half hour period and then follow that up with maybe two more so we're doing like maybe three, four shots an hour. I feel like we did very... That will not go...

That'll be a two hour show. Yeah, yeah. That'll be great. I also agree with... I think that a drinking episode should inherently be rather short because at the end we shouldn't really be capable of carrying on a good show. We should all be pretty fucked up. That's true. I thought last week's episode was like top five,

top ten percent in the first half. And I wasn't sure how the second half was, you know, cause to me, like, you know, I'm sitting like this and, and you know,

like it doesn't, but there were other people who thought the second half was the prize of the show. And that, you know, just us unscripted was able to do basic mathematics and stuff. I was good at the math. I was like crushing it were you yeah yeah

there was something having it was like some percentage the percentage of the the weight loss yeah you were right about that yeah i remember yeah and and somehow i was like well you know like it was 204 i think and uh so i was like ah 204 is roughly 210 and it was like seven pounds of 204 so i knew that the answer was going like the answer was gonna 14 pounds of 204 is roughly 210 and it was like seven pounds of 204 so i knew that the answer was going like the answer was gonna 14 pounds of 204 so i knew the answer was roughly gonna involve like a two-third something and 66 was way too much just didn't pass the sniff test and i backed it down to six percent and i i don't know i did all that in like one second i was like wow maybe better drunk man see my brain i got like three steps into that,

and I was like, this is stupid. Fuck this. And I just waited for Woody to come up with an answer. Yeah. But I got decently buzzed for it. Would have been drunker if it wasn't spanned over four hours. Because I had five and a half during the show, I think. What knife did you have?

Maybe I finished the sixth one. I don't remember. This is the knife my dad got me when I was like 12. They folded two kinds of steel together. So it's got these like. I don't remember. This is a knife my dad got me when I was like 12. They folded two kinds of steel together. So it's got these like... That's really neat. Yeah. It is.

And it's got like a deer carved in. Have you ever cut a deer with it? No, I've never skinned a deer, actually. Never done that. I watched my dad do it once and it didn't look fun. I've watched it on YouTube. I've seen people who are amazingly good at it. But typically, they're not like teaching you how. never done that i watched my dad do it once and it didn't look fun i've watched it on youtube i've seen people who are amazingly good at it but typically they're not like teaching you how

they're just showing how good they are so they're like zippity zap like 15 seconds and the deer is skinned i'm like well i didn't see that thanks for the help yeah i still don't know how yeah there's definitely a trick to it i watched him him do it, and I did not enjoy that. I think I got sick, a little bit sick. I was pretty young at the time. It just smelled bad. He might have even punctured the intestines or something like that. Maybe he wasn't that great at it either.

I do have this truck fever, circling back to that topic. I think about it. Well, pull the trigger, Wings. Make it happen. That's an irresponsible decision. That's not what we're doing here fucking power wagons for everybody i won't want i'm gonna take time on this but we'll see um and then there's a chance hope might not want my truck anymore she's wanted it since she was like seven years old or whenever it was I got it and now that she's not driving stick very effectively I think it

intimidated her we have to get her to somehow be successful on the stick shift hmm yeah I don't know it's not coming naturally to her she did okay in a video we made but like in street situations, she's panicking. She's missed whole red light cycles where four tries during the green light, all failing to get into the gear, and now it's red. Then they say things like,

Woody, don't you remember when you were like that? No. In four minutes, I could drive a stick i was never that like taught myself i i had played some video games and uh and i just kind of taught myself i was like yeah you push the clutch in when you want to change gears you ease it in you ease it out done the the only thing that i wasn't familiar with was what to do when you were like uphill and you had to stop and eat three feet there's kind of a flow like as you take the clutch out it i'll say hurts the or lowers the rpm so you

have to give it more gas or lighten up on how quick you're letting the clutch out and somehow like she's just not getting this ratio you know what she can't do i'm giving her i shouldn't give her she can't start a car she can't start a motor how do you not start it like you don't start a car with timing you don't really start with your fingers you start with your ears right it goes and then you know to let go of the key and um i don't understand how anyone's not good at that. Well, with modern cars, you know, it's push button, or even when it's turn key, like with my car, the turn key, you can bump it and just let go, and it'll do the rest.

That's how my car is. You just kind of turn it and it does it. You go in there, you bump it. If you bump it for one second, it'll just take care of the rest. Like no matter what happens, rain,et snow whatever it just does whatever it needs to do for the car to start running so my wife sends her out there hey hope you know go warm up the car right just let it run for a bit so when we get when we drive off that it's all defrosted and warm and stuff and they come out there and the lights are on and and the but the car wasn't started and it's like how do you did she

think it was a prius that just ding ding ding ding this will heat it up she stopped there and i'm like like she's smart she really is the same thing 4.85 gp or 3.85 g or 3.85 GPH National Honor Society she's I had a girlfriend do the exact same thing I was like you know I sent her outside I was like yeah go and get the car warmed up I'll be out in just a moment I get a she comes back actually she was going somewhere she comes back and she's like something's wrong with the car I'm just like all right well let me go check on this I'm trying to remember how this went okay so the car was like halfway down the driveway. What she had done was tried to start it and failed. Didn't realize that there were no RPMs, no engine noise.

The car wasn't vibrating at all. Then she put it in gear and it rolled down the hill. And then she realized that, I guess, the car wasn't working properly. So she just put it back and parked it. She's like, the car won't work. The car won't work. Because she's trying to get it back in. It's behaving improperly.

Because it's not started. Imagine the keys turned on. It won't shift gears back out of park because it's not on. And I go outside, and she's watching me and everything, and I'm just like, I get out, close the door i'm like all fixed you're good with got it yeah i i i don't know i i i just have a hard time getting in the mind of not being able to do a stick shift or start a

car or something like that like these things they're not something I ever struggled with. And I don't feel like it's a male-female thing. I really don't. I don't feel like there's no reason why a female shouldn't be as good at figuring those things out as a male because it's got to be something else. I think, here's my theory, that it is a male-female thing, but not in a genetic way or anything that's inside it's it's all mental i feel like some women are just like that's not my sort of thing that's i

don't even know anything about that and they just don't even try i feel like it's effort i feel like they're they at some point they just don't want to learn my mom called me one day she's like battery's dead at work battery's dead and i'm like wow shit i guess i'll come pick you up and take you home then so like drive over there and i was like well let me take a look at the car real quick and sure enough you turn the switch and nothing happens which is a little unusual that means it's like completely dead like no interior lights will come on there's no not even a ding ding ding when you open the door the door. I'm like, this isn't right. You've just been here since you got here this morning.

It worked fine this morning. Pop the hood. Look at the battery. Wiggle the battery terminal a little bit. And there we go again. We're good to go. And it's just like, come on. You couldn't have figured that one out?

Come on. There's something. This is going to be so misogynistic, so forgive me, but there's something in girls more often than boys where they get to insta-quit, right? Where they're just like, oh, I can't do that.

And they don't have to give it a try. Whereas I feel like guys, they don't get, I mean, maybe I do that with kids. Here's what it is. There's no shame for them to quit such a thing or to be poor at it. I would be ashamed if I had those...

If I couldn't drive a stick shift, if I failed at starting cars, if I didn't know at least how to tighten up a battery terminal, change my own oil, air filter, you know, the basic shit, change of tire, brakes, etc. If I didn't know how to do that, i'd be ashamed of myself as a man and i feel like that doesn't apply to a female in my house like if netflix isn't working on a particular device they just say

it's not working and i'm like all right so what troubleshooting steps have you gone through so far none none my time is too valuable for none. You know, you need to reboot. You need to, like, try something. What's the error message say? Didn't read it. Didn't read it? That's step one in yourself. I'll admit, I'll be happy to be level two support, but you need to be one.

You need to read the error message. They often have clues regarding what's going wrong. I've never known a female who could work out how to use electronics properly, who could set the clock on their VCR, or who could figure out how to get their Apple TV to work. The cables in the back are just a mystery to so many girls.

They're like, yeah, you just got to hook it up back there. And I'm just like, well, is it HDMI or are you using component? What do you got going on here? I was like, well, you just got to hook it up back there. And I'm just like, well, you know, is it HDMI or are you using component? Like, what do you got going on here? Well, I was like, well, that's not true HD then. You're looking at like, you know, this is eye. This is interlaced. This kind of shit is just match the colors. Yeah, it is.

Yeah, exactly. Sometimes there's an in and an out. But I've went back there. And you have to know like the source goes to the in and then it goes out to the TV. I've looked at the back of girlfriends' TVs, and they've got a decent HDTV, but they're running component to it. Not even composite.

They're running composite to their HDTV, and I'm just like, you've never seen HDTV before. You don't know what it's like. Here's a fucking $10 HDMI cable. Boom, boom. What? And they're like, wow, I just thought it was a bad TV. I was like, no thought it was a bad tv i was like no it's a bad operator like you've

been using the cables from your nintendo from 86 you got to step your game up you got to look back there and just color code this shit it's easy yeah yeah i feel like it's what i said i feel like that that's not enough shame i feel like there's not enough shame girls more often i feel like women need to be shamed more i now i they definitely get shamed by their friends for you know certain things like i bet if you don't dress a certain way you're wearing the wrong shoes maybe your makeup's bad you get shamed that's why you don't see too many girls who are bad at applying makeup and dressing because they get shamed if they're not plenty of guys have no idea about like you know you know idea about how to keep their fingernails

looking nice. I have no idea what shoes to buy. I'm on male fashion advice on Reddit. I won't give a shit about that. I don't give a fuck what your shoes look like. I don't care at all. You won't get shamed for that. I think the whole country needs more shame.

Not just girls. Everyone. Shame would get whole country needs more shame. Not just girls. Everyone. Yeah, maybe so. Shame would get this country back on track. I agree. Shame. Shame people everyday life. Worker for president.

Walk past somebody in the food court. They're eating a personal pizza and they're morbidly obese. Walk up to them. Spit on their pizza. You don't need that. Walk. Keep going. You're about to kiss a baby on your platform running for office.

That's an ugly baby. You probably shouldn't have had it. Then walk on your way. Wow. We got too many kids here and you brought that ugly one into the mix. You can't vote for me. This was not a keeper. You should have known that. Yeah, this one should have got

thrown back in the pump. Not big enough to keep. Jesus Christ. You got a catch and release program over there. I like this. Yeah, definitely. I really do think that's it, though. And if you think about it, it makes sense.

Because I can remember, like, I don't know, like failing at something manly and just feeling really ashamed. My dad was just like, you just half-assed it. You just half-assed it. Did you try this? Did you try that? You're half-assing it what you just half-assed it you just half-assed it did you try this did you try that you half-assing it you're half an ass give it your all do the best you can he's like standing over and i'm just like i don't know how to fucking do this god i could learn learn how do you think i learned i did it myself and i'm just like all right so like there was a lot of that going on growing up. The internet helps nowadays. I was crying and banging things together.

But sort of a, look, you need to learn this for yourself because I'm not always going to be here. How do you think that plumbing pipe needs to go? The internet can't teach you anything. I swear. That's true. Before you said that, I was like, if I needed to pass the plumber's exam, I bet I could study on the internet. I'm pretty good at tests and pass that test. Dude, that Nigerian kid, that African kid, I don't know who's Nigerian.

For some reason, I forget his nationality. Did you see this Reddit article about this kid who, like, from library books, learned how to make a windmill? Yeah. Oh, I only read the title. From library books alone, some sort of power generating windmill or water mill or something to provide electricity for his whole fucking village for the first time. And then he designed a bigger one or something like that. And I saw another post where they claimed that that post's comments

had dissolved into a bunch of racism and bullshit. And I don't know anything about that because I didn't look into the comments. But I was just impressed by the kid. You just clearly africa's child very smiling very happy provided like his whole fucking village was shit he'd read in a book somewhere and i think i thought that was brilliant and he gave us to do that like yeah and the internet's awesome we you know you see everyone gives so much clout oh he went to this university he's got a degree from that university their curriculum they're all the books all the stuff that go into getting a harvard degree are readily available to all of us if you want to you may not get a

harvard diploma but you can be just as well educated as a harvard graduate if you just fucking start reading just start reading the books that they read and you'll know the same things it's it's pretty basic but no one ever talks about that that all that information is there for the having and i can just imagine like our our ancestors if you told a lot of them you're like all the information that you can possibly imagine is over there in that box. Like in your fucking, like show them your telephone. In your phone, yeah.

Right here. Anything you want to know could be, oh really, what's the temperature in Madagascar? You want Celsius or Fahrenheit? Yeah. You know, it's like, where's the position of Venus right now?

It's right there. You can't see it right now but it's right there like anything you know is there and and you could you could learn astrophysics you could learn biology you could learn mechanics you could learn it's an app for iPhone and Android where you can see the constellations yeah and you hold it up and you see it and you move it around that just shows you and then you can go through the earth and you see it and you move it around and it just shows you. And then you can go through the earth and see the ones that you can't see. A friend of mine has that.

And he was like just a little dot in the sky that I would have thought was just an insignificant star. He holds it up and this thing zooms in on it and shows that it's Mars and a bunch of facts about it. And then you just move around it. Pretty sweet. Didn't download it, but I'll remember. I wish I had known about that when I was in Texas or at least remembered. sweet didn't download it i don't remember i i wish i had known about that when i was in texas or at least remembered i actually i didn't know about it i've heard about it before but i've never used it or seen it used but when i was in texas there were

more stars than i had ever ever seen before and it was really really beautiful i had that experience in the grand canyon once we saw 20 shooting stars in a night maybe Maybe 30. I don't know. Just tons. Yeah. And that was... I've camped out in the backyard a few times whenever there's one of those big events where there's lots of meteorites coming out like when we're passing through an asteroid field or something or whatever. And that's always

really fun. There's a lot more shooting stars than you would think. If you just stare at the night sky for 10 minutes, you'll see at least one. That's one of the things I look forward to in my new house now my new house isn't the greatest like stargazing place in the world to do that you really need to be in the desert where there's no moisture in the air but it's light years better than where i am right now you know we're in the end of a cul-de-sac there's street lights there's house lights you know there's it just lights everywhere you can see a a a walgreens like

a drugstore from my house the parking lot's all lit up but the new one it's not really like that it's kind of in the woods and uh or a big open field and i look forward to i don't know this just seems like there's more stars over there um one thing that i want one thing i'd like to have that that i don't have is a telescope a good one yeah like like nothing else ridiculous i don't need to be plotting new budget at least a grand uh probably top out it maybe you know it's one of those things where you i'd have to look at the products and see like oh for like 300 more we more, we can see 20% more. I had 500 in my head. I was like, I wonder what you can see for 500.

I looked at whenever we got those. Clouds. You can do pretty well for 500, believe it or not. Because whenever I got that gift card from YouTube to whatever that electronics on retailer is. B&H. B&H, yeah. I was asking my girlfriend and Kitty and sort of considering myself, I was like, what should I do with this? I ended up using it as like a partial payment for a gaming laptop I bought, but I wanted to use it all plus, you know, some cash out of hand for a like a 700 telescope that was already marked down and it was like a you know 800 or 900 telescope and it was it looked really cool it

wasn't like this big crazy galileo motherfucker it was about this long or so but it was really fat and it had a nice viewfinder it looked like it would be comfortable to use and you could see lots of stuff i don't remember but you could see all the moons of the planets and stuff like that. And you could see distant galaxies. And I should have gotten it. And now I regret it. And now I feel like I would like to have like a $1,000 telescope. I think that'd be really cool.

I think that'd be cool too. I'd like that. Maybe someone out there knows what to get, like a starter telescope. And I don't know anything about telescopes, but I have in my head that it's a little bit like stereos. Where, like, for $100, you're not getting a real one. You're kind of getting a facsimile or a toy of a real one. For $250, for $300, you're just getting into the game. At $500, maybe you have a legit telescope and then the

difference between a $500 and $1,000 is there but subtle enough that you know you take some experience to see the difference and then when you start existing you know to get from like $2,000 to $2,500 they're almost the same. It's very subtle and that's how I describe a stereo receiver too. You know if you go from $2,000 to $2,500 in a stereo receiver too. If you go from 2,000 to 2,500 in a stereo receiver, the differences are very slight. You might not even be able to tell the difference. I was telling that guy out in Texas, the really wealthy guy,

because he's building this cabin up on top of one of the higher hills that's out there. He's flattened off the top of this thing, and it's an incredible view from up top. And I was like, I wouldn't be putting a cabin up there i was like i'd build my own observatory i was like i would have like i would have myself you know a quarter million dollar telescope or something like that you know the kind that you sit in a chair and the whole building rotates and stuff like i would be i would be finding new planets if i were you i'd be like oh yeah i'll do that instead he kind of like nodded and he was like oh yeah he's like you can do that i was like yeah there's people out there sitting in their backyards with these

you know they're finding new planets and stuff and naming them after their families and friends and stuff i was like you could find exoplanets you could find uh you know something cool you could be the guy who discovers the asteroid that's coming to doom us all or you could just you know see some of the some really beautiful stuff which is what i'd like to do yeah i wonder i wonder when the good time is like i have in my head that winter time is less humid and therefore like the best for stargazing but i don't know well if you get an expensive enough telescope then it then it just filters that out anyway does it yeah that was one of the major breakthroughs with telescopes. I was watching that thing that the black science guy,

Neil deGrasse Tyson, does, and they were talking about this technological breakthrough in telescope technology at some point where they were able to refocus the image to completely compensate for the atmosphere or something like that. I'd like to have them. Telescope talk.

One of the features of them is often that you can photograph through them. I just know I'm going to want that. Yeah, I think that would be a must if you were going to want that. Yeah, I think that would be a must if you were going to spend some serious money on one, more than $500 or $600. I definitely want that.

Although I feel like you could put your camera phone in there and probably make it happen that way and do an okay job. I know me well enough to know I won't be happy with that by my fifth picture. By my fifth picture, I'll wish I had a camera that I could mount and you know like it a big deal is if you shake it it ruins it so you need to look you don't even it doesn't go when you press the

button it's on a delay so you press the button and then it happens while you're not touching it and stuff like that that's um they've the mirrors already locked up whatever that's what I would want and I don't know what that would cost to get into. But I imagine you could get something that mostly works for under a grand. I don't know. Maybe so. But yeah,

if I was blowing a little bit of money on something that was just purely for fun, I think a telescope would be cool. With all the money I've saved by being a Dollar Shave Club member, I should be able to pull this off. I feel like you should be able to. Well, Kyle spent most of that money on ass crack

salve to soothe his wounds. Neosporin's good for everything, man. I use so much Neosporin. If the skin gets broken, it gets Neosporin'd. Kyle really treats his minor injuries as if they were majors. Absolutely.

You don't want to get infections. That's why he's such a virile young man. I lick it until it stops bleeding and call it good and also don't get infections. And part of what you're basing this on was that time when we were playing paintball, when I had my hands covered in band-aids and the truth behind it was, let me show you, I've got the gun right here that did it he's right i am partly basing it on that but that's not it he every time i've ever seen kyle get a scratch near sporn band-aids etc no i remember i remember the first time i paintballed with kyle noticed an old band-aid

hands so like i thought he had a bunch of pet crabs at home or something what am i looking at is it a it's a paintball gun so this is my tiberius 9.1 paintball rifle it's mag fed and everything it's not as nice as my die damn i got back there it's a few years older but it's got picatinny rails just like an ar-15 does rails here. They're not made to the same standards as an AR's Picatinny rails are. They have sharp edges all the way down. And what I was trying to do is put Picatinny rail covers on there, which are these plastic covers that go on there, so you can grab it more nicely.

And it covers them if you don't need to put anything there. And it makes it look better, feel better, all that. And I was trying to slide it on and my hand slipped and my hand slipped really hard all the way the length of the thing. And so each of these, it's a quad rail, cut me in like two different places. So I had like, whatever, do the math, six long, really deep paper cuts basically, like all down the palm of my hand. So all my fingers had cuts across and

my palm had cuts all across them and we're playing paintball we're digging around in the bushes and getting all muddy and painting grease and stuff well thank god you're okay yeah i survived i kept all my fingers it was a win because i neosporin the fuck up and i uh i put band-aids all over my hands just like i always do i'm torn because the real me is actually empathetic to what he went through. I know, but it's more fun to make fun of him. It looks like you spent all his nights sewing or crocheting poorly. I'm just glad you made it, Kyle. I made it.

You made it. You made it good. If you were going to the armed services, what would you join? What would you want to be? Right now or like when? It's kind of a question I guess if I were going to do it as a career If I was going to go into it and like

This is my thing You don't want to be infantry I don't want to be a grunt So that means that I've either got to do something in intelligence, which seems very competitive, or I've got to do something that's sort of a special forces or some sort of special operations thing where I've got some sort of talent or some specialization. And I think I would go that route. I would do my best to get into physical condition to be like an army ranger or something, or be a sniper something like that do sniper uh do reconnaissance stuff like

that that all appeals to me um maybe that's what i would have tried to do if i had to shoot for something but if i was going to be in the military um i'd be an officer, right? Because I think if you go to college, you're almost automatically an officer. So I'd have something like that going along. The jobs that appeal to me the most involve flying, but I don't think I have the eyesight for it. I've got double vision and it's not 20-20 either. It's like 20 something worse than that, 30, 25. So it's like, all right, I think that's going to hold me back from a lot of the coolest jobs. I think... I think...

I mean, you could be a flight mechanic, stay out of the shit, get paid well, and get to work around the cool stuff. I don't love that job, though. And I knew a couple helicopter mechanics, and it was just a lot of like... You come back from the war you're getting paid they're the people that i knew were crude people people that i wouldn't want to spend all day long with right just like dude holding up a piece of pipe as if it was your long penis is is only funny once right you know and like for this to be your lifestyle of joke and every day it is

yeah yeah right right huge yeah me poking you in the ass with a ho ho pretend i'm gay like no no god i can't take this day in and out um so i i like i i don't know what i'd want i could be a tank commander or something like that i think i could get away with that you have to be a captain my i say it because my brother-in-law was a tank commander and i'm not saying you couldn't do it that just seems like a rough job right like being terrible if it's anything like brad pitt said i'd probably get sick well new tanks are air conditioned and you have a huge superiority right you're just plinking other tanks beyond visual range you know it's it's it's not so bad it's just like driving in an air-conditioned car i guess but i guess i probably it's comfortable they have bluetooth i do know that he um he had like a ptsd thing and like a a certain

level of like guilt and regret over over his kd ratio i guess you know just he went into it in the first iraq war you know fucked him up like this did there were tank battles in there that were just like ridiculously lopsided and he was a part of that and he won big time and there comes a certain like survivor's trauma that that goes along with early 2000s or like 90s early 90s desert storm stuff yeah desert storm stuff so um yeah there were tank battles in that war and he won in a really big way. Yeah, those were completely lopsided. It wasn't fair, I suppose. But war isn't fair.

It's not supposed to be. We're supposed to be very unfair in our career. Saddam Hussein, big old spawn trap. Saddam should have thought about that before he started a fucking tank war. That is true. Yeah, but I know him, and I could have gotten along with him in the military, so that guides me to that. I don't know what I'd be good at. You where i think i'd end up in some sort of i could

do a tech job i just thought of that some sort of like radar operator type thing um i don't know like it i'd probably be involved in communications or something like that and that's what i'd do i'd set up infrastructure on the roll and that would be a good job for me. Or you could be working, you know, back home, sipping Mountain Dew and like flying a drone somewhere. You could,

that sounds better. Now it is. Yeah. Nowadays. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know the things I dream of doing.

Like, Oh, I'd be a Navy SEAL. Maybe, you know, prime Woody was pretty athletic i bet i'm a i bet i was a much better swimmer than most navy seals i see that you know they do that stupid pool thing where they dunk them i watched that and i'm like i don't even understand what's hard

about this like that these are non-swimmers man like. I thought the Navy SEALs were swimmers. That shit's easy as fuck. Oh, you have to tread water for four hours? The hardest part about that is just not being that cold. It's a non-issue. I've had fucking practice sessions longer than that. These guys are treading water. It's easier than warm-up. So I was easily a strong enough swimmer. i don't know about everything else yeah that seems like it'd be really hard and that

that seems like i don't know that's a really high pressure job uh that's the thing too like i don't know how many good at killing people yeah i don't even know if i'm good at killing deer yeah when your name is still you're doing shit like you could be in the Army and, like, never do anything that calls upon you to kill someone or to be heroic. But as a Navy SEAL, it seems like that's kind of what they do. They kind of send them in. Yeah, we need to kill all of these people, but none of those people. And we need to kidnap this guy if we can. And pull everything up when you're done.

Right. At the risk of rehashing all these lifeguard stories. Like, myself in dangerous situations but i never felt like they were dangerous to me because it was something i was really good at you know like in the back of my mind like all right i'm going like i've had a um a rescue where people were getting swept into the pier and there was a hurricane off source right so it's like hurricane surf people getting washed into a pier and while some might consider that dangerous I was always like well absolute worst case scenario is I you know rescue myself like you know they did if they drop and this doesn't work out I would always be able to abandon ship and save me so it wasn't even dangerous.

But their situations are actually dangerous. All right. You want to restart the call and then wrap up? Yeah. Oh, wait. You just came back. Well, it gave me an eye to turn my video back on. If you reach down there and click video again, you should be back on maybe.

There we go. Did mine come back on? No, yours did not come back on can you see me yes now you're both very dark but i'm historically that comes back well that's good for the for the fade out for the end bring things down a bit well thanks for watching uh i don't maybe it's the gamma I'm still going It could be Now it's telling me that I need Skype premium to make a group video call It's telling me that too Liars, bastards

Dollar Shave Club would never Lie to us like that So get your razors Save a bunch of money, don't cut your asshole Like an idiot And that episode was at 222 221 221 221 221 i hope you guys enjoyed the show a little bit of playing stuff a little bit of chill yeah i think yeah all right yeah um until next week bye