Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #222

Episode Date: March 27, 2015

This week on PKA, the guys are joined by internet celebrity, PhillyD aka Philip DeFranco and the guys discuss marriage, children, marijuana and other various fun topics!

and we're live painkiller already episode 222 and we have our guest philly d philly d what are you drinking um it is i was in such a rush that i don't know if it's a real drink but it is uh sprite and uh bourbon i don't know if they go together i'm finding out right now i'm gonna google that i was like if i'm gonna be on a podcast for four hours, I need to do half of it at least drunk. Spray. Anything's a real drink if you have like nine of them. Exactly. This episode of Painkiller Already is of course brought to you by Crunchyroll.com.

You guys go to Crunchyroll.com. That is the best way to sign up for a free, excuse me, sign up for premium and get a whole month of free anime. It's got zero ads. It's the finest collection of anime on the internet provided by Crunchyroll. Free for 30 days with zero ads as I said. We have been discussing some of the shows on there and we always like to let everybody know. Crunchyroll has some new featured shows like Kankali, The Testament of Sister New Devil,

Cute High Earth Defense Club Love, Military, and Psychano, How to Raise a Boring Girlfriend, which I should probably watch that one uh and of course classics like attack on titan naruto shippuden and bleach straight from japan available as soon as an hour after premiering and it's all professionally subtitled phil you actually know someone who has that job right yeah well no used to uh reina scullion source fed nerd that's that used to be our other job when you were when you out shows, I was like, she keeps trying to get me to watch something called, it's like, Puella Magimotica Magica. And I was like, why? And she's like, there's five hot girls in it. And I was like, okay, let's do this. I'm down.

So would she be like up late at night, night on demand decoding anime? How does that job work? I don't know the ins and outs. I know that she loved it. She super, super loved it because she's all about anime. I don't know how long she was doing it, but I was glad we were able to steal her. I'm glad it worked out. Sorry, Crunchyroll.

Sorry, Crunchyroll. You are a great service, though. Sorry, Crunchyroll. Sorry, Crunchyroll. You are a great service, though. So a lot of people were suggesting different animes for us to watch. And I think Chiz mentioned RWBY. Yes. And we watched like three seconds of this, and Woody was like, pause it, stop it, save the reaction.

But already I'm intrigued. Can we go to that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So let me flip on to the main screen. Bam. Cue to fade. All right. So I'm at? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So let me flip onto the main screen. Bam. Cue to fade. Alright, so I'm at 133, queued up. Are you? Yes. Alright. 3, 2, 1,

play. Where'd she go? She turned into fucking flower petals shaped like hearts. She turned into Rambo, bitch. Yeah, we need to describe it for all the people who are on the way to work. Just listening. A bunch of werewolves attacking a pretty cute chick.

Or maybe she's a kid, I don't know. Little Red Riding Hood-esque. She's got some sort of a red shotgun and she's blowing them away. And then it turns into an enormous scythe. Scythe? I don't know the difference between a scythe and a sickle. Well, prepare to get acknowledged. Probably similar to the difference between a raven

and a crow. She has cut the werewolf in half and instead of blood spewing everywhere, flower petals shaped like hearts fly everywhere. I will say, I think I might be qualified to translate the words thus far. Because there's no words.

She turned the scythe into some sort of a pump-action rifle and took out, like, four of them. And now she's just doing karate, spinning around the scythe, and occasionally slicing a leg off or blowing something's brains out. Is this the show, or does other things... I hope this is the whole show! This is the whole trailer this is the trailer or I guess it's all four trailers into one then looking at the title of the video we won't but this one is bad actually

trailer but yeah I'm into this and this is the one that roosterteeth made what's that this this is the one that rooster teeth made I didn't realize that wait get out yes yes and then that was uh it was also animated by a there uh there frat or Monty um who of course passed away she just really decided I didn't even know they were a they had magazines but now we hyper mode now and she's like killing the field she just spit through them slicing them apart this is fps russia and the zombie apocalypse right here there's like limbs like spinning through the air it's just a blur of death and she's out of bad guys. And pause. Oh, that's great. And then it just rains shells.

Yeah, there you go. Rooster Teeth. Very cool. Very cool. Very nice. Yeah, so if you're into anime, Crunchyroll.com slash BKA. You can click on the annotation over there

or in the description. And there's no better place to get it than Crunchyroll. Yeah, signing up takes like 90 seconds and you're done for a free month of that. I think I'm going to watch some of that. Maybe not tonight because it's going to be late, but tomorrow I'm definitely going to check that out. That'll look really cool.

I think Phil's still watching it. Yeah, sorry. I was scrubbing through. All I know is there is a DJ with a teddy bear head and he's getting beat up by a girl, so I'm into it. All right, first topic. Do you want to go or go you want me to throw one out go right ahead do it philly d how the hell have you been on have you been successful on youtube for like what 27 years now how does this happen uh i'm so old um it's uh

get established get a foothold then hire other people so that you don't actually have to be entertaining. That's the success. Yeah, and jump cuts. Less on the jump cuts, but it definitely helps in the fact that I have no talent. I think that's the main thing. Jump cut through the suck. Dude, people would fuss about jump cuts forever. And it's like, you haven't seen the videos without them you know you

fusser um you know like it there's a certain like add thing that happens when watching a youtube video right there's you've got a billion videos out there to choose from and the jump cuts help it's a certain kind of pacing that just keeps things flowing and and even a seven minute video is almost like you know it's little tiny sections that you consume one after another i don't know it's also from getting long-winded and boring which is not to say there's no space for long form because i've kind of i like those two only in the last year have i really discovered like chilling 18 minutes watching some guy fix his lawnmower but uh what's that channel paul short well the guy he could fix anything he's this canadian guy from newfoundland and his wife

holds the camera and i sit there and watch them no one's gonna he gets like a i don't know 800 views a video or something he's not big or anything so most of those are on accident you're watching like a 40 minute dissertation on how to fix a garbage disposal by yourself i'm three other people i'm subscribed to this guy he um yeah he's got a it's called specialty repairs or something like that and um i'm i'm handy but i i know what it's what happens like i'm figuring things out along the way there are times where i feel over my head and i kind of muddle through it and um like you know sometimes i have to go out and buy tools this guy's got every tool and there is nothing nothing that intimidates him in terms of a task like there'll be a missing part and he's like well

shucks i guess we'll just break out the metal lathe and this iron worker thing and big hammers start going down. And all of a sudden he's like, alright, perfect. And it's within like two thousandths of ideal. Luckily I have some iron ore here. Let's get started. Yeah, exactly. He's like, ah, the shifter knob on this thing is

worn out. Well, I guess I'll get some billet aluminum and turn a new one on a lathe and it just turns into something amazing and you know like the uh there was a bar that that went into like a big sheet of steel and the hole got too big so he like remanufactured some like sleeve for it to go in and and it's just always perfect it's always there and um i i'm amazed by how good he is at his job i wish he lived near me it sounds like there's actually stuff going on in there because they're in in i guess like uh some foreign countries there are a few places are getting all

about really passive television um not so much where it's like watch a fire like a fireplace like that video they put on netflix but like watch a guy work on a wheel and it's like a seven hour thing and it's just something to have on. And apparently it's so successful that they're now doing other random shit just randomly there. It's satisfying to watch people do that kind of shit, though, you know, like cut up logs for firewood like that show how it's made like they show you i don't give two shits about picking out you know a dowel for why would i hang my toilet paper on but when it shows me how it's carved out specifically and there's thousands of them happening over the i really like how it's pretty cool yeah i really like my son is a huge how it's made fan he'll he'll pick it most of the time he's he loves it some of those some of the simplest things will have like multiple tooling processes and require like a machine you

didn't even know existed and some assembly line tech technique where they're like yeah they were making pins the other day like sewing pins i suppose and there there's an assembly line of pins like imagine my finger like pins like going down and it drips a droplet of like molten glass onto the head of each one as they go and then you know the torch it's like firing them and making them perfect spheres there was a gif of it on reddit or a gif i saw that i like gif but go on um that's that's pretty much it i thought but but little things like that will end up being so uh and don't you like how that's punctuated by the poor, like all that millions of dollars in technology,

then like one frame over, it's some poor fuck individually putting the Werther's original wrapper on. Thousands are coming. The day is insurmountable. Just Jesus Christ. I got, I got a life to deal with after this fucking candies for 10 hours. Yeah.

Like the manufacturing techniques blow me away like like all right we've got a big you know a boatload of uh clothes hangers or something and now we want them all facing in the same direction right we want the slit up and the thing that side and there's like i don't know weights and blowing machines and sucking machines and twisty things and then eventually they all get lined up perfect and you're like wow that's that's an amazing process but uh yeah and i wonder like the owners of some of these companies like how did they get into that how did someone just be like you know what nobody makes i think i'm gonna make

you know toothpicks yeah like on a grand scale and how long do you think those poor you know fucking plunger testers how long are they in all machinery day two like jesus christ the first time you see a co-worker get sucked into it it's a little more awe-inspiring those are the worst kinds of injuries that you see on reddit when someone's had a machinery injury. Because like, if I mess up with my knife here, I'm going to get stitches.

It's going to be a quick cut. We know what the wound will look like. But if you get injured by a meat grinder or a side grinder with a polishing wheel on it or a metal lathe or a drill press or an escalator. If something like that happens to you, it's got so much torque and so much power

that you're just, you're not made of tough enough stuff to even bother. That's the thing about farm injuries, right? Like, so people don't know, in the back of a tractor, there's a spinning device, it's called a PTO, a power takeoff, right? Am I on target? So Kyle's an expert in this.

And that PTO spins at torques that a human would have no impact on many many torques like great if your tie gets stuck on like most of the things i encounter in daily life you can kind of pull back or stop or or whatever um you know like even like a handheld drill right it's probably not going to suck your whole body in and whatever like it runs out of speed but like tractors farm machineries of assembly line stuff the resistance that a human can provide has no it won't even slow it down it'll just decapitate you straight it's all about at what point is it going to shear the flesh away?

What point is it going to stop using your flesh as a rope to pull you further and further into the machine? And the answer is always immediately. It will immediately because it's a farm machine. It's going to just tear you apart. My grandma lost three of his fingers at that. He was lucky. The guy we were looking at lost his whole fucking leg up to the the hip like his he was just like one minute i was leaning over and the next it was just blood everywhere like oh shit like his leg got sucked into the pto shaft and

if you can imagine it just kept turning until his leg became like a tube of toothpaste i guess and it just ripped bone from socket and ligaments. There's no fixing that. You're not going to pick all the little bits of like, is that an artery or just some of the red fabric on his long johns because it's a cold winter. There's nothing we can do here. You're fucked.

There's nothing you can do for that. You just have to get him an artificial leg. I feel like I made the right career choice. That's what all of this is making me feel. I'm like, okay. No PTOs in the studio over there? None? No, zero.

I'm actually showing some PTO shafts on the, so people watching the video version of this are seeing it. And yeah, off the back of the tractor, there's kind of like a dry shaft, and it spins all this different machinery. And the kind of work it has to do, like dig holes for fence posts, run eight-foot-wide lawnmowers, take enough power that, yeah, humans would have no impact on slowing it down. I saw a guy get sucked into a metal lathe one time.

In real life? I was quickly going to add, not in print not in person this is a dark we all just stood there and watched there was nothing we could do like no it wasn't like that i saw a video on the internet one time though where a guy got sucked in and his arm just like you know it starts rotating in ways it's just not supposed to and he's just like ah and it's pulling him in everybody's trying to pull him out but it's just a spinning rod of doom i watched like eight e-fucked videos in a row like last week or something this week i've recently dude it's awful it's awful and i don't know why i watch so many. Kyle, are you immune to this site? Yeah.

I have seen a lot of internet stuff. I've seen a lot. I've seen Mother... I saw a guy have sex with a chicken, right? And I thought, well, you know, when you think about how big eggs are, that's kind of... It works, right?

It's cool. But these women, they had these hurt feelings. That was what hurt my soul. That's what you don't like see we were you made us look at that subreddit last week with all the dead women cute female corpses right yeah cute female corpses r slash yeah of course that's a thing and that really that affected me i was i was like flinching and looking away and just wanting to get away from it and not even

caring to look like glance back a second time. But those women getting their feelings hurt and crying. I didn't give a crap about the mutilated bodies. It was the one that was most together that had this scared, vulnerable look on her dead face that I was like, what was she thinking?

Wiggle it around and make it whatever you wanted. She's dead. Think of her like Mr. Potato Head. You could it whatever you wanted. She's dead. Think of her like Mr. Potato Head. You could do whatever you wanted. It looked like she had a lightsaber injury down to about her chin. Bam! Head split off like a V, like a cartoon. And Kyle

was like, look at that one! And I'm like, that was just like food or something. It's not even a human anymore. Not bothered. But the one that was, you know, know like she was looking at you like and i'm like whoa is she okay no she's not okay but yeah so i watched a couple efflux in a row like there's one woman who had uh semen in her eye and she's like get get me uh uh one of the wet wipe or something and all the guys were kind of cruelly slowly getting it to her

like oh it's on it's way it burns it burns I'm doing that porn thing when it comes to me I can't believe you feel sorry for the skeeziest of whores wait I missed a part I did what now? I feel like you're such a quiet knight that you feel sorry

for even the skeeziest of whores. Oh, okay. If you're in some sort of amateur porn video where we're coming in your open eye like we're in cum fetish porn in the backyard, she's not a lady, okay? That maiden didn't just fall into

that room and be like, what are you guys making? Is it a student film? Is that what it is? We're in Game of Thrones talk. Carry on. Her checks get stamped. First day at university. Her checks get stamped. This is like comedump.com or something like that. I just don't know

why you feel sorry for her so much. I really felt awful about those poor dead women though like that was disgusting that was awful yeah i'm glad i didn't look at that because looking at kyle's face yeah that was enough to know you were disturbed by a few of those also a fan and said that they thought that i was a misogynist and also um transphobic i believe and i just wanted to make it clear that that no one on the cast cares for the transsexual community as much

as I do first of all that's where I was going to go with that no one here loves trannies more than Kyle second of all I have since realized that tranny is an offensive term and a slur if you will I didn't know that going in I guess I just don't I apologize I do

apologize for that one yeah shithead bigot god damn it Kyle what's wrong with you I really am seriously apologizing for that but I don't think I'm a misogynist I think I'm an equal opportunity employer of asshole-ishness and

whether the person is a woman or a man if they're an asshole I just point it out and that's all it is I have no hatred toward women they're i love women all of them how would you uh how would you feel if it was uh it was a guy on the ground he had a he had a little cum in his eye that would be hilarious too i'd be like yeah dude you're doing i cum porn you should have brought your own wet wipes i like like when you do the gender reversal i definitely feel justified in making fun of that lady with a cum in her eye yeah this was uh i from what i gathered it was

a bukkake scene you know they kind of just cut to the hurt feelings part it's e-fucked right it's i don't think it's i don't think e-fucked is about arousal right it's just awful videos i'm sure i don't trust that stuff anyway i would have thought first thing like oh this is all just to put on she's not really irritated by the icon she's trying to you know contrive this situation make it seem real i i bought into the emotional stuff on efuck completely maybe that makes me a sucker but i will say every picture of a pretty girl on the internet i don't buy it anymore photoshoppers are too talented i can't tell i'm fine with it it. Let us live the lie online before you go outside and see some fat sack of

cottage cheese waddling out of a Burger King with her two giant kids. Let us enjoy. Of course she has kids now. I went to Walmart today to get my I shouldn't have done that. I'm never going back to Walmart to get my oil changed.

I'm sure they do a fine job. I noticed they were even checking my rear end out to make sure it worked. That's not a gay joke. But the lady who came out to my car to take my VIN number and my phone number to make sure I was who I said I was and, I don't know, tick off another five quarts of oil for Kyle in his Walmart Hall of Fame or whatever the fuck she's doing. another five quarts of oil for Kyle in his Walmart Hall of Fame or whatever the fuck she's doing. She was so large that she could not pilot my vehicle into the shop.

She couldn't do her job because she was so large. Now, Kyle has a Camaro, so there are certain people who can't drive them. Wings got in there. How big do you have to be to not fit into a car?

Did he say passenger seat? Because I never confirmed that. He got behind the driver's seat. I could be wrong. I thought he got behind the passenger seat. I wasn't there. He just told me later. He's like, yeah, I got down in your car to make sure I see if I could fit. And I was like, oh, and you fit? He's like, yeah, I fit. So I just took him to his word.

I believe him. He fit. This lady could not fit though. Her buttocks was the source of the problem. Wings has You know what he failed to do? What? Video. I want some video of a gigantic woman.

I broke another phone! I broke another goddamn phone! Really? Yeah, yeah. How did it happen? I broke it down emotionally, I suppose. Wait, no, don't get into this yet. So the one time you could have taken a video

of something funny and interesting instead of the pictures of dinner and other shit you send us in the fucking group text that we share, you don't have a phone. For the one time that I want to see him not fit into a car. Heaven forbid Kyle make french fries because I get a goddamn play-by-play of it. Yeah. I sent good pictures to you guys. There's nudes that come in every now and then.

Okay, I will admit. I sent the pictures, all that cool stuff. You get cool stuff. Damn it. to you guys. There's nudes that come in every now and then. Okay, I will admit. I sent the picture. All that cool stuff. You get cool stuff. Damn it. Was the problem. Wing's butt is proportionately sized to the rest of him. This lady, however, was like

35% butt. What was her body type? I would think like a number six like like like a number six yeah like jayden i was like i just figured that out almost like one of those coin purses that the duke gives the henchmen in those movies here and it's sagging down and all the weights in the bottom like like as if like all the it was like if a person only had one testicle and it was sort of all the weight was to one side but that was her ass her ass was gargantuan and she looked she back she pointed her ass at my door and she started backing toward my

car and i'm watching from the side like i don't even care like come on. Let's do this and I'm just One side of her butt hit the doorjamb and so she adjusted immediately to try to go the other way But the other side hit the roof because my car is so low to the ground and she wiggled a little bit And then she then her thigh hit the steering wheel and she just went no No Daddy daddy hit the steering wheel and she just went no no don't worry donnie donnie donnie she brayed like a mule for a few minutes and finally got donnie out there and donnie drove my car in because this lady was literally too big to fit inside my car and that i suppose that would have been a wake-up call for her? Or she'll go home and grab a couple of $5 footlongs and...

Like, I don't mind sharing the story because she wasn't embarrassed by this. This wasn't, like, an embarrassing moment for her. It was clearly... She was like, huh? I didn't think so. Something wrong with this car. This was not the first car that she hadn't been able to fit in. I feel like this was...

Like, Donnie wasn't like, what do you mean you don't fit? Yeah, I'll be right there. Donnie does this two or three times a day. I felt really bad as I walked through Walmart. It made me not want to eat lunch. I started getting anorexic thoughts just walking around there and looking at some of the people at Walmart at 3 p.m. on a Friday afternoon. Yeah, Walmart visits will make you think about your life,

either really good things or things to stay away from. Yeah, I think a lot of people get positive thoughts, right? A lot of people are like, you know, look at me, I'm so much better than all these other people. But I don't think that when I'm at Walmart. When I'm at Walmart, I think, look at me, I'm with all these people.

I become one of the walmarters clearly like you can't go to a strip club and be like look at all these perverts no you gotta you gotta just go the ignorant route and just be on your pedestal looking down at everyone i don't look down on those who shop at walmart because for many products you really can't blame them like um i've known people who make those shakers, those cups with monograms on them and stuff. And you literally can't buy those in bulk and outperform Walmart. Their price is just so low. So if you're raising a family on a limited budget, it's probably the way to go.

Nine times out of ten. But I look down on the people at Walmart who are worthy of looking down upon like there are some real interesting people at walmart i saw i saw a mom slap her kid in the head today like really fucking hard bring it back i saw um i saw a father screaming at his children you pick out one toy one toy charlene 24.95 and i just like, Jesus Christ, she doesn't know how to cause. She wanted the Legos. Clearly he was wrong, but I'll tell you, as a parent now, whenever I see a parent yelling at a child, I'm like, yeah, fist bump.

It happened to us early on. I forget what it was. I think Hope was like three, and she was demanding that we buy her a toy at target just laying it down i want this we're not moving whatever and uh jackie was like you know no you're not getting it because i'm the parent and you're the child and that's how it's gonna be and uh this guy he was really he was like a i don't know 35 year old black guy he's like yeah power to the parents that's what i'm worried about man that's what i'm really worried about is like year three

year four having a kid that not only can walk around but can be a huge dick and like how i'm gonna respond to that not only in general but in public i like them better every year my kids yeah yeah yeah the more like um i don't know is so at first they're just they're bullshit right they're like leaky luggage or you know like like a watermelon with a hole in it right that's your infant experience yeah and then three seems like bullshit yeah it's just it's yeah remember the you know in high school you have to like carry an egg around and not break it for a couple days? Well, you get that for a couple years, right?

So that's the first part. And a couple years is a stretch. At one or two, they start interacting, giving you a little feedback. They might like your jokes or something. But as they start aging, at seven or nine, they're making reasonable points. At 13, 15, they know, coming up with the effective intellectual counter arguments to what you have and hopes 15. So that's as far as I go. But, um, yeah, my own relationship with my father just continued to improve as I got older and,

and, uh, I guess wiser. So nothing to fear there as far as I'm concerned. Yeah. I would say, I don't know about leaky luggage I know the first three and a half months were a nightmare it was just though the most terrifying like oh my god I don't understand the things I'm feeling and then like the first time he smiled at me and it wasn't like an accident then it was like okay we can do this like you're you're you're you're giving me something back so what emotions were you feeling that had you confused uh you know when when you're up at four o'clock in the morning with no sleep because you know babies don't really sleep

uh you know for a whole large amount of time especially when they're being breastfed early on uh and just being like i don't know i thought i could handle this i'm at i'm i've never felt so bad at being at doing anything in my entire life it's like you just yeah the first three months just like it just got thrown at me and i'm like i love you but at that point they're kind of just just a thing after the first hospital visit. And then the first time he smiled at me, then it was good. I didn't feel like that at all. That's good.

Here's what I felt. Like the first three months, I'm like, all right, I'm getting this, right? There's some animals that are really easy to keep alive, right? They include like dogs and I don't know, cats and stuff. Like pretty much the survival rate is really strong. There are other animals that are hard to keep alive, like chameleons and goldfish and things like that, where they tend to just float to the top of the tank. And fuck, it's just hard to keep these things alive. And I'm like, oh, I get it.

Yeah, yeah. Human babies are kind of like dogs. Sweet. That was your whole that was your whole first three month experience. Yeah. That was your whole first three-month experience? Yeah. So, you know, I wasn't like, I've talked about this before, but some people, when they first have kids, there's like an instant super bond.

And they are just like, oh, my God, it's like a chemical thing that happens. And, you know, the moment they see the gelatin-covered, like, not nearly as cute as you told him he was, you know, thing that, you know, that they're, they're, they're a unit. No, mine had to earn that shit. Yeah.

You were rubbing their face into their dirty diaper for three months. No, no, no, no. Yeah. It wasn't until they started, I'm sorry,

I cut you off. It wasn't until they started to give me some sort of feedback, even the nonverbal stuff, right? You know, like at three moment, they're sitting up and It wasn't until they started to give me some sort of feedback, even the nonverbal stuff, right? You know, like at three moment they're sitting up and when they seem to have an affinity towards me versus strangers, you know, Jackie and I really, that's my wife,

that then it was like, all right, all right, all right. We're starting to become like a family here. You know, you're earning your way into the club, kid. Yeah. No, man, I wish I had had that experience. It was just the most stressful three and a half months and then it's been it's been awesome since then like he sleeps from seven to seven he's uh he's fine like but i also smile like an asshole anytime he does anything like he's he can

he does he nods yes now and i'm like that's the biggest thing that's ever happened in my life but then i don't tell my friends because like i call them assholes anytime they experience something like that and so like if they listen to this i want to get a call and be like see you're a fucking schmuck how many times have you caught yourself doing one of those new parent stories just to be like oh nope and then just i usually i usually hold it inside until someone asks and then I won't shut up. I try to because I feel like every new dad thinks that it's like the most amazing thing that's ever happened and their experience is so unique even though it is so universal. But yeah, I mean, I don't know. I'm really enjoying it and I'm excited.

it and I'm I'm excited I hear though it for boys it's more that they run around a lot and they're kind of assholes from eight to ten and then they're good and I've and I've heard that girls are kind of the opposite uh it's uh like around at 16 or so it's been a nightmare for most of the parents I've talked to that are older boys are pain in the ass younger than that so I have both yeah and uh I remember when hope was like two and a half maybe um the boys would just do it we have a the layout of our house lets you run in a circle like around the stairs and the boys were just like running around running around screaming making so much noise with the thumping of their feet and the yelling and the woo woo woo and hope is there like on the stairs just putting hats on them as they go by.

They put a hat on, take a hat off, put it on another one. The difference between boy and girl was just so apparent. Boys are wild Indians. Is that racist? It's racist. They're literally going woo woo woo. Anyway.

Did the Indians do that though or is that a racist stereotype they definitely did yeah all those kids are being racist playing with their sets i've never seen an indian in real life go like once ever no i've never seen one was when was the last time you yeah so when was the last time you saw an indian person i don't i was i don't know sedona ari Sedona, Arizona, and he was dressed up like a war chief with a cowboy. So I guess that counts. I haven't seen one recently. No, not in a while.

I feel like I'm on the customer service line. I've got a new topic. So who here has a Reddit account at the moment? I forgot my password again. I should say yes. Here's what I want you to do. want you to pop on reddit right now click on your name it's kind of in the top center and then go sort by top what is your top rated comment of all time oh i can't do that one. Uh-oh. Mine's not that good either. No, mine's a secret account.

I deleted my main account that had all the karma. So now I've just got an angry account that I use to disparage those that I don't care for and sort of spew venom across the internet. Philly D, can you read your top-rated account of all time? Yeah, it's a post. Let's see. I'm trying to see what the actual comment is. Let's see.

View the full context. Oh, OK. So this is about a year to two years ago. It's a response to the Chinua who said, I guess I was doing an AMA. How many points? It's 1,699. Okay. They asked, gonna get married yet?

And I said, Lindsay, get off Reddit. And that's your top rated comment of all time. That's my number one comment of all time. Taylor, can you find yours, figure it out? Yeah, I have it. I just forgot the password password so I don't have to change it. Number one is 251

points and it's in response to Mr. J. Berg and I said, you're a dirty whore. He said that's your top rated post of all time? That's my number one. Should I go next? Kyle, do you have anything you can share or you can't share? I really don't have any way to access my old tweets.

I think it was something like, something Wings related. Like, maybe I was like, this is Wings' first meal or something, and I had cooked him that chicken thing in the salad. I think that one had like, I don't know, 1,500 points or something. All right. That was a post, though. That's not a comment. Here's my top-rated comment of all time.

I had kind of forgotten about it, but all right. It goes like this. I was a collegiate swimmer, and both the men and the women's swim team went to Puerto Rico for winter training camp. We had just finished our morning workout, went back to the hotel rooms, and showered up. I went over to one of the rooms packed with girls to figure out what we were going to do for lunch. Two or three of them were in towels, but assured me it was fine to come in anyway. Whatever. Is this going to get a route up? You're reading it in a different voice than you usually because everybody

was so fit and in swimsuits so often it made us a bit less shy well we were planning for lunch a fourth girl maria came out of the bathroom shower wearing a towel around her waist like a guy does she saw me and remained frozen like a deer in the headlights i smiled a little bit like this guy while i soaked in the show let me get you uh like this guy let me get you uh yeah sorry i really should have planned that out guy but i look like this guy all right yeah okay it's been about 20 years since then i imagine maria has a few kids gained a few pounds and lived a normal life however in my memory she'll always be that perfect 10 with a towel around her waist. What's the best accidental

nudity you've ever seen? I was hoping everyone had some, I don't know, Reddit post to share. You contribute a lot, though. I don't have that much to pick from. I think someone asked what the most surprising thing about... Oh, I think I was complaining because wings was

out and like keeping me up at night because when i when i was in that other bedroom they were attached and someone i was like yeah and he talks in his sleep and someone was like well what's the one thing about wings that we wouldn't expect i was like he speaks in latin in his sleep like and i think that was the highest rated one he doesn't speak in latin in sleep though he just snores really snores oh they're the worst you're all of you people that murcus snored i've heard it does he do you snore there's a youtube video not regularly oh yeah taylor put up that uh gold gloves yeah yeah yeah so anyway that's a thing do you um new topics i guess please so sorry i'm just looking through all these stupid reddit comments now anything good well the next one i feel is appropriate since i was just talking about my child.

It was another question about when are you going to get married. And I said, after I put a baby in her belly so I know that our lives will be ruined for at least 18 years. Seems solid. Nice. 832 points. There we go. I like that all my stuff is about fatherhood. You've got to get more points.

So how is your health, Philly D? I know you've talked about it on YouTube before you have some sort of, Oh yeah. I have a illness. What's cooking. It's not monumental. Well, I mean it's,

it's, it's life affecting, but life affecting after 35 and those years I feel like you're going to be shit anyways. So I'm a, I'm 29. Okay. Yeah.

I'm 29. Uh, so I got a few more years I think. Uh, but yeah, I have PKD. It's a polycystic kidney disease. Uh, I'm 29. So I got a few more years, I think. But yeah, I have PKD. It's a polycystic kidney disease. Don't image Google search it.

Just regular Google search it. There's Woody not listening. And yeah, I mean, it's your kidney gets cysts over time. And it really kicks in usually around 35, 40. And it kind of just oh go for it is a kidney transplant a possibility a kidney transplant is a possibility um i don't really i don't have any full brothers or sisters uh so i'd have to just go on the donor list when i need it um but a lot of subs i do but uh what's don't know. What's your blood type?

Are we doing it right now? I feel negative. Okay. So let's go to DonorsChoice. No, but I mean, a transplant is an option. I mean, my father needed a kidney. He was on dialysis for a long time, and someone that watches the show, part of the nation, or a bunch of people submitted to possibly give him a kidney.

And one guy out of the six potential matches, and he was kind of our last hope, was the guy that eventually gave my dad a kidney. And so my dad's not on dialysis. He's able to come out and visit me, which was something that wasn't a possibility before. And of course, if you've ever known someone with dialysis it's the most fucking draining thing uh a person can go through and you're having to do that several times a week so would the new kidney have polycystic kidney

disease what was it again uh it's pkd polycystic kidney disease i don't know if it can spread to the new kidney but because i'm not i think it's it's one of those things that i've i've kept in the back of my head but like this this year is gonna be the first time i've been checked up for it in probably 10 years because i haven't wanted to actually address it and make it a real thing but that's a good policy yes yeah it's a fantastic brilliant no right i know it's so stupid yes noore it until it's too late. It's one of those things that this year, especially now being a dad, that I've been like, okay, I've got to take care of myself. I saw some stupid

special. Oh, is he coming in? I saw this stupid special. Oh, one second. I have to be daddy for a second. Hey. So if you've never seen my son, this is him. This is Trey. trey heartthrob hey you see the people on the computer he can't hear you hey hey i heard that we got us we got us some noise he's either content or he's pooping it's one of the two

but uh i don't believe all that waking stuff that's a perfectly behaved baby you got an easy one right no man everyone lies are we uh we got we got our first babysitter last month and she was like i gotta i'm gonna charge you five dollars less an hour because i don't have to do anything and i was like really hey hey that's a story you'll be able to do in the 1v1 storytelling competitions when your kids make friends and you go to dinner with that kid's parents. It's like, well, when my son was a kid, he was so well-behaved, the babysitter

simply wouldn't take the money. We don't, other than this podcast, we don't like to advertise to our friends or anyone that he sleeps so well because other parents will hate you um and also i feel like if we talk about it too much the next one's gonna be a nightmare uh-huh so i had it easy i am i wanted oh i wanted to quickly throw in so my friend has

cystic fibrosis which is obviously very different than what you have oh yeah but um he had a lung transplant and cystic fibrosis your lungs get filled with phlegm but it's like an awful tarry worse like sticky phlegm anyway he had a double lung transplant and while he still has cystic fibrosis that impacts like fertility and um his digestion his lungs don't like that's just not a thing as long you know he's a person with cystic fibrosis with lungs that don't have that disease wow yeah i don't know it's but oh yeah like i was saying um whatchamacallit i went into the dentist for the first time because i i saw some stupid report about how i can get heart disease if i don't take care of my mouth that's it and so i did that one

i got i just got my physical uh i have the same problem most everyone that makes youtube videos does and i have a vitamin d deficiency and that's about it i was surprised i didn't have high blood pressure um and that's it man and then i have to get the kidneys checked again because i need to see where they're at so because i growing up i thought you know like i'm gonna live 35. I want to do everything by 35. The reason I pushed myself so hard early on is because I don't know. I thought that's that's what I had in my life. And so a lot of this has just been like, OK, well, shit.

Now I got to stay around for a while because I don't want to, you know, I don't want to leave them. So that's that's that's why I'm trying to make sure I don't die. You gave me the impression that like, oh i expired 35 that's just something about me and um i guess that was maybe more your attitude than your reality i'm not sure and it was like damn you know i just gotta be getting closer yeah no it's getting it was getting closer and closer but like i i still very much enjoy my life and uh i don't know i want to i want to stay around be a an asshole grandpa i think that's the new goal right i like it i'll be just angry at everyone wait did you get a haircut today oh my god i went to the subreddit i went to the subreddit and i saw

all these comments like in his newest video the one that he just did with the sponsorship is that the bad haircut or is it even worse so i was like what the fuck happened i i went to a black barber right and in my head this was the pinnacle of men's haircutting talent right like i i on reddit i often i i subscribe to um black people twitter or something like that are you guys familiar with this subreddit and uh it seems like half the tweets are about people's hair game and I was like all right so so you know if you really want a you know men's hair cutting artist then this is where you go this is where like the cream of the crop this is where the elite go to train and they didn't um and and of the crop this is where the elite go to train and they didn't um and and why did you think this i bet you why do you think you look good yeah why did you leave did you leave thinking you look good no because he talked it up i left i was mad um you were too afraid to say something that's

interesting i don't know if this will work as i get closer to the camera. He shaved my hairline. Like, I have a... I see that. He straightened you up like he would a black man. Yeah, like a black guy. At first it wasn't making any sense to me. And I'm like, why is he shaving my... Because that's not a thing that white people do. You comb it, right?

I am going to have a couple freaky hairs that are too short to comb for months. You don't shave this part of your hair yet that's what they did to me yeah and he's shaving this and the top of it it like i was like keep the top long enough to comb why say that to a black barber that's not like a thing that he's comfortable with like you make you pick it out like he was starting to do those lines in the side i was yeah i was hoping for the eyebrow like a little 80s vanilla ice action but um but yeah so he cut my hair as if you would a black guy the whole thing was shaped and you know he altered all my hair lines and shaved it up and stuff

and it hurt it hurt and like like i think his shaver like, so the way that the little like hair cutting thing where you have all these prongs and the blades go back and forth. Well, if one of the prongs is missing, then that wide spot will cut you. I think that's what happened. Right. And he's fucking like, he's hurting me. And I'm just like, this hurts, you know, and it's like, it keeps happening. And I feel it like like like a like someone

was taking a pin and dragging it along the back of my head and uh eventually it hurt extra and i'm like dude that hurts he's like why didn't you say something and i'm like i just said something and he's like well just now well how long did you know you were hurting me like you're a weapon can't handle a real man's hand can you boy no I can't handle your fucking broken down ghetto tools get a fucking like you're a professional barber I didn't feel like this was racist at all

until we got to the ghetto tools not until we got to ghetto tools I know where I went this is a perfect example of the shit Until we got to the ghetto tools. Until he threw out ghetto. Not until we got to ghetto tools. I know where I went. They were all friendly. I know where I went. I think this is a perfect example of the shit you can do and the shit you can get away with because people are worried about being rude. Because you're like, oh, I don't want to say anything.

My life, just fucking say it. At the end of the day, especially if it's the first time, once I find someone that can cut my hair and I don't look like once once i find someone that can cut my hair and i don't look like the biggest tool bag that's that is a friend for life yes but new new people just no no you can't just let it happen this was a hair cutting audition you know i was looking so i bought a new house and i'm looking for a new barber local to my new house and again you know i'm like i'm gonna'm going to aim high, right? I'm going to, this is the pinnacle of, of, of haircutting.

And it, it's not, it's a whole, he was just unqualified for white hair. It's not a thing that he like don't shave hairlines and stuff. It looks totally uneven and bad. Yeah. It's longer here. It's longer back here. And it's shorter. Take it off.

It looks like I could palm the back of your head like a basketball. It's all right. He did back of your head like a basketball. It's all over. He did your hair like he would a black man's. He's trying to give you a really symmetrical thing. That's why it's taller in the back. He's rounding your head. A white guy. If you were to have this length for a white guy, normally the sides are practically shaved off,

like a high and tight kind of thing. But no, I just have kind of a basketball head now it's whatever you know what so typically i don't care about my haircut i really like i'm really flexible on this stuff like it's been 20 years since i gave a hoot about my hair i came out of this place like... You gotta say... I was so mad! One side is so much higher. Dude, I... Oh, it's not too late. I could get Colin in here, because he did his hair too. Colin... Wait, who got the haircut first?

Me! I'm so stupid! And then I gave him my son! Oh, I'm not a good father! I'm not a good father! I'm not a good father! I'll get him, hold on, hold on. We'll make this happen. That's amazing. He's like, that was one of the worst experiences ever.

Come here, son. After this, we'll get you some Jordans. It's like he tried to make Woody... We have to be a little nice. Oh Okay, hey Whoa big spender

So chin up, it's just like really kind of like he sculpted the hairline again You can see that he yeah, he did sculpt it on the side. Yeah. Yeah, it's Okay. Thanks Colin. We shut my door. I Will say he definitely got the better end yeah because that's that's much more preferable than dude it's longer so like what happened he walked out of there with that stuff it looked like it was um you know in lego or playmobil whatever they are the hairs just kind of snap on the top that's what it looked like it was a really sort of firm totally defined thing but now that it's been maybe two days and you know we comb it ourselves it's never gonna grow back the way it

was no has your hairline always been way way higher on one side was that has your hairline always been that much higher on one side? Because I've never noticed, and now it's just really obvious. Are they asymmetrical? I don't know. Yeah, man, your face looks like a square. Yeah. I don't know what to say. You look like you're wearing a wig.

Like you just suction that onto your head, and you're actually gone. That doesn't look cool. Oh, man. I got a haircut so bad. i got a haircut so bad one time when i got back to work they were like what the fuck happened to you man and i literally went back i was like you gotta try again she's like what i was like you've gotta try again i was like i got to work and they laughed at me because you did such a poor job i was like you gotta go back to the drawing board i was like, I got to work and they laughed at me because you did such a poor job.

I was like, you gotta go back to the drawing board. I was like, look at this first of all. There was a strand of hair like three inches too long. I was like, you missed this. And this is just what I see. Like there's lots going on. On the back of Colin's head, it was, so we waited too long to get him.

Normally we go together and Colin missed a cycle. So his hair was like big, long and moppy. Anyway, on the back back even after the cut he had like six and a half inch long strands and you see his hair is like an inch and a half yet there's like six and a half seven inch strands in the back it was like scissors at any point he didn't use any scissors i don't remember him using scissors no yeah he wasn't gone when you get your hair cut you want an overweight woman to do it every time yeah you want a big fat woman to do it you want those enormous bumps in your elbows it's a little awkward but she's gonna do a good job because she doesn't have anywhere to go i had a gay guy cut my hair for a few years and he was fabulous what's that or after the had going on after the what did like do WAP like

Superman thing you had that was like spiraled and in front oh this is way before that this was yeah you know I still do that if my hair grows out you know the scene in gran turismo where the guy like got his hair cut and he brought the guy the asian kid with him gran torino torino i'm sorry um that was pretty that's in apex i have a guy that i think of it like that you know he i don't have the same relationship with him we're not both like 70 years old but but he's a guy who's been cutting hair for a really long time he walks with a limp and he does a fabulous job and he doesn't hurt which i appreciate now um this new guy yeah he did he had like a sour look

on his face like he hated me i just sat there like in pain you're probably the only white person who's ever walked in there was another white guy there which is what made me think the coast was clear like i i looked in the barbers were there was like uh what kind of white guy was he was heavy short you have a haircut like you got he looks single yeah i don't i didn't see so the barbers there were two black barbers and another guy was um i think he was puerto rican you know isn't it weird to some nationalities it feels like you're not supposed to say it but yeah i think he was puerto rican and um and they all had like yeah wait wait do you think puerto rican's a bad word don't want to be racist but here's the Canadians what if i said yeah right no what if i said you know what what, Taylor? You got, whatever, painting to do? Hire a couple Mexicans.

In this area, anyway, you're like, whoa, can you say that? Well, we changed things up a bit. Now we have a new connotation. Now we're looking for cheap labor. And you say Mexicans. In that sense, it does seem a bit offensive. But if you were just saying if you were just saying,

look at those two Mexicans. I don't think that's racist. But if you said, look at those two Mexicans. I don't think that's racist. But if you said look at those two Mexicans. They haven't been here too long, have they? Walking down the wrong side. I don't hate those motherfuckers. I swear, if it's not white, you just, you gotta think it through.

I'm on Kyle's team with this one. It all depends on how you say it. If you're like, look, a Mexican gentleman, nobody's gonna give a shit. But If you're like, look, I'm Mexican, nobody's going to give a shit. But if you're like, Mexicans in my house? Or if you say, like, you know, whatever, who was here before?

The black guy. You're really only being descriptive. It's not meant to be an awful thing at all. But there are some people who are looking for problems who will define that one as such thing that people get offended at on the internet just to fuck with people like in real life if you call someone black they're not gonna flip shit like that's just a descriptive word just today just today um

i was waiting for james i was i had to buy a new lock for my house and um and basically i had i wanted it to fit the key i already had. So we needed James to come in there. Well, James wasn't getting to work for another 10 minutes. He started at three and, um, I'm like, all right, what's he look like? You know, how old is he? How tall is he? Et cetera. And, um, the lady who was black wouldn't call him black.

She just left that out. She's like, yeah, he's like 47 years old. He's, uh, um, you know, he's like 47 years old. He's tall. And you'll see him. And it's like, he was black. That would have helped. Yeah. Well, yes.

She eventually said, oh, he's got a complexion something like mine. I feel like we should start a new show called four white guys talk about race we could talk about women's issues too it'd be solid anyway i i swear someone out there is going to define me as horribly racist because i'm sensitive about it more than one so yeah right somehow sensitivity is going to be repainted as as racist when it like it it's not meant to be we know you're not racist i mean look at that haircut you're you're a brother right you want a whole new topic please you just are walking down the street in the movie Do the Right Thing. Your hair is ridiculous.

But I think for the most part, as long as they're not just looking to be offended, people understand intentions and they're not going to freak out over nothing. Yeah, yeah. This should be a hood pass, really. It should be. I should get my hood. I've got a hood pass. Forrest gave it to me.

I think it's still valid. I don't think it is. It expired. I think you spent it to get into that barbershop, and then he put you on a... Let's say your brother would never be able to afford one again. This cough is going to kill me. Oh, so the San Diego Police Department has been caught editing their Wikipedia page to remove all the stuff about misconduct. That's pretty funny.

So they put all the misconduct stuff there and added editing the Wikipedia page to their list of misconducts. That's great. Yeah, it's the last one in there. On March 17, 2000, etc. And I thought that was cool. So they were just deleting stuff? Just going through and deleting it? They were deleting all the bad press.

And there's a lot of it. It would have been as offensive, and it would have been funnier if they just changed all the problems to like, Officer Smith reportedly was cheating at the company picnic in Frisbee Golf. He was sentenced to five

days without pay the last item reads you know a San Diego Police Department dispatcher and anonymous Wikipedia users have edited or deleted paragraphs from the misconduct section of the police department's Wikipedia page five times since January 2014 the edits which eliminated references to negative information, came as the police force faced several scandals over officer misconduct. I wonder how many there are because I was trying to find the story just now

and the first story that pops up is one day ago and it's San Diego police officer kills friendly service dog. It's like, really? It's only been 24 hours? There's a new thing? How about the one who was demanding the women give him his underwear to get out of their tickets?

That's a thing? Yeah. Is that on this list? Yeah, it's the first thing that popped up when I clicked your link. He was asking for women's panties to get them out of speeding tickets. And there was another one where officers raided

a home uh didn't announce themselves and just shot shot people dead as soon as they opened the door and shot the guy four times in the back in the back in his own home and killed him and then all returned to duty man here's how long has it how long has it been where i mean i don't know your your opinions because i i know some know some police officers that I greatly respect, but it's just the mood has changed, I feel like, for everyone in the past few years. Not everyone, but a huge majority. Right. I feel like the people that were previously pro-cop are now skeptical. Right.

Not necessarily hate cop. Right. But there's this like, there's the left,. There's the I'll call out wings, right? A cop could save a puppy and wings would be like, he's just doing that for show. He probably stopped that puppy with the camera. Yeah, he only did it because people were watching. Right. There's wings who not every time, but if he sees a story, he's the one most inclined to see the negative in the police. time but you know if he sees a story he's the one most inclined to see the negative in the police and then there's what i think is this huge middle section that used to be like a kind of pro cop you know if a cop testifies in a court of law he's probably the most honorable person in the room

right that was the general vibe and then of course there are people to the right who thought that cops could do no wrong no matter what. Now that general big center mass, you know, the middle of the bell curve has shifted toward, you can't trust them. You know, you got to keep an eye on them. We should have cameras on these guys. Yeah, and now the new thing is that they're not always on

and they just turn it off. And you're like, come on, come on. I feel like there should be a real penalty for turning off your camera. I don't think they should have a switch! Don't give them a switch! I think part of the argument

was like, if they take a piss, it's like, I don't want my dick on camera. And just lean back while you're doing it. It's okay, we won't be watching the footage. That's how I do it anyway. Only a really shitty cop would want to do it anyway. No, but like, only a really shitty cop would want to remove it anyway. Like, it's going to help 95% of cops who are like, oh, finally

people will see all the shitheads I deal with and they won't just think I'm some fascist who's out to ruin parties. Like, most cops are going to be benefited by this as well. I think. I would hope, yeah. And most cops cops few cops definitely the good cops the good cops are gonna you know just be proven right all the time and uh and the

you know the the hypothetical you know court testifying stuff they'll have video evidence and and cops think of it as an intrusion of privacy you have to be kidding me right like i don't know if you guys have ever worked for a big company, but at Cisco, there were cameras all over the place. You know, that's just a thing. Everyone's on camera at work. You don't like it? Work somewhere else. But, I mean, not in the bathrooms or anything, but, yeah, there's cameras in the ceilings.

That's just how it is. And for cops to be like, you know, they refuse to operate under that kind of privacy intrusion. You're at work, asshole. Like, I'm not asking for it in your house or your car or like your private time. Just while you're on the duty. Yeah. Yeah. And then there is a question, though.

Like, I think camera could have been used successfully in Ferguson. But then the question also then you go to new york right you saw mike michael brown uh die on camera right and still nothing and so it's i don't know it's it's this weird mishmash i don't i don't there's always gonna be a problem the michael brown one's tricky though like i know michael brown was the one in ferguson right okay i'm sorry who's the guy in New York? Oh, wait, wait, wait. What? Wait. Now I gotta

Google. No, yeah, Mike Brown was Ferguson, and then... Shit. Two cops got shot in Ferguson just a week and a half ago. He's talking about the guy who got checked in New York. Eric Garner. Eric Garner, thank you. I had to look it up. Yeah, Eric Garner's the other one.

Well, I completely invalidated my entire point. Next topic! I mean, like, that guy died because he was so fat that he couldn't take even minimal, like, rough handling, right? I mean, hell, I've done videos for fun of me getting choked unconscious it's on youtube and uh and here i am i haven't lost any brain cells at all right right but you know this guy died from less than i get a kick out of right i it's what happened again that's when it was like he was selling

bootleg cigarettes or something and then selling lucy's apparently that's he takes him out of the you know he buys a pack and then he sells them one by one and uh you know makes a profit on us uh big business corner in the market the one the one in new york that's the one that i i couldn't believe happened right just just because there was video evidence but what did he do like i don't even i followed the ferguson that's the new york one yeah so so the new york one he's selling loose cigarettes uh he ends up he's he's you know he's he's yelling at the cop and they end up putting yeah there's a whole video on it if i have the background right i sure hope i do because they'll tell me if i don't

there was a fight and eric garner was breaking up the fight or something like that and then at one point he was like telling the police to back off or like he like i felt like he wasn't properly in the policeman's mind like kowtowing to what, you know, their control of the situation. And they're like, I know this guy. This is the asshole that sells loose cigarettes. The day before, he had just been arrested. He had something like 30 felonies on his history. It's not like this guy's a choir boy.

But, or 30 arrests. 30 felonies? No, no, no, I have that wrong. Like, 30 arrests, a couple of them were felonies. Including, like, assaulting the police and such. What'd you say like bonnie and clyde or something i was like who was this guy here yeah just uh why did he get tackled and choked out so that's the that's the big thing is that they they said that you're not supposed to do uh chokeholds they said it wasn't a chokehold i just i think i just linked you guys to the picture of what he was in. And then there was also the topic of he was, he had been saying that he couldn't breathe,

which then there was this whole argument of some people saying that if you say that, well, you are breathing while other people say that it's you, you know, you're talking. And so that uses up some air. And then there was talking, there were people were talking about how much air it takes to be able to say something uh hard science i'm sure yeah yes very hard side it was on reddit so i'm pretty sure it was all real so i did brazilian jiu-jitsu for years and in there i've been choked out maybe i've been choked all the way out twice i think plus another time on the video. And I've been nearly out many times. And certainly like, I don't know how many,

too many times to count had a choke hold where if I didn't tap, I would have been choked out. So, um, you can't talk period. There's no talking when you're getting choked. You don't, you can't say tap. You have to tap. That's the deal. So if he's talking, he was breathing. And this comes from like 250 experiences with this. But Woody, consider this. I read more than a few comments that didn't agree. It's also that, I mean, obviously he had asthma. He had difficulty breathing.

I mean, he did die. There were people sitting on his back. He's belly down. There's people sitting on his back, and he's saying he can't breathe. And he died. But he was 350 pounds and 43 years old. The trouble was, well, part of the problem was he wasn't healthy enough to survive rough housing. I think saying that he

can't breathe because he's able to talk is kind of like arguing semantics because maybe what what he meant to say was i'm having a very difficult time catching my breath right now i don't feel like i'm getting enough air this feels a little bit like drowning because i'm not getting as much air as i want he could as i need but he won't survive like this much longer. That was the situation. And he was obviously out of shape. It wasn't Lance Armstrong. They were roughhousing us. Anyone on this call would have survived that.

But... Well, the question is also, would we have been treated the same? That's another question. And also you could say, like, shouldn't the policemen have identified that this guy was like 43 pounds 350 i'm sorry 43 years old 350 pounds maybe you can't rough him up the same way you know if it was hypothetically some dude that was like 93 years old and 84 pounds

i would expect the cop to go light on him because he's fragile every now and then you'll see I'm just talking about cops in general but you know it'd be like 85 year old man like pistol whipped in broad daylight for like lighting a cigarette or something it'll be like the stories are so ridiculous and every time it's like one-upsmanship

it's like some cop in San Diego here's he hear what that guy in Phoenix did what? Cain a blind man to death with his own cane. Shit! How are we going to top that? How are we going to top that? Well, let's get some dogs.

Let's get one of those service dogs that comforts the sick children, and let's kill that motherfucker. That'll show him. That's even worse than beating a blind man. The homeless guy in Arizona, I thought that one was pretty extreme. Because there was video of it. They were like 25 feet away. They thought he had a knife.

I don't know if he did or not. That was in the hills, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they just opened fire. And their equipment, holy fuck. They had like AR-15s from like 30 feet away. And they shot them 14 times. They were safe they were arms and fucking teeth it looked like they were going after rambo

yeah bulletproof vests and they're like i swear it makes them hard to like like if they're in there i like the you know dick van dyke policeman when you're walking around like hey look at this guy but for stuff like Ferguson, I don't know if you guys watched the actual riots. I was watching the live stream of it when it was happening. It was pretty fucking crazy. Your hometown. Well, yeah, my hometown.

Seeing all the cops like that, it kind of makes more sense because they would have got fucked up. Someone would have taken advantage of the situation and tried to hurt one of them if they didn't have armor or whatever. I know a lot of cops. Most of the of the time you don't need that i'm friends with a lot of cops and one of the things that that i see in all of them is something that i have we like gadgets we like cool fucking guns like all around my house i've got examples of that i got silencers and fucking muzzle brakes and things that flash enhancers and big extended magazines and i shoot

watermelons with mine but like these guys are out there like and big extended magazines and i shoot watermelons with mine but like these guys are out there like enforcing the laws and i i never really think about it but like one of my buddies has a knife that like clips onto his belt and it's shaped like a fucking uh velociraptor claw and i'm just thinking like why does he need a velociraptor claw like if he's gotta like disembowel a suspect is that kind of like that's not a letter opener like he's got it right there and it's like in the trunk of his police cruiser you know he's got his ar with the eotech and the suppressor and he's got like 800 rounds of ammunition it's like you might not need that while you're at work not all of them but a lot of gun owners have sort of a make my day kind of thing like there's a fantasy right you're concealed carrying you've got your gun on your hip some shady guy walks in the ihop while you're eating

your meal and you're like uh wouldn't it be so perfect right now you know if he did something that needed a good shooting like in ihop you think you wouldn't want more glory like right there you know yeah there are there are definitely people who are like, all right, if there's ever a home invasion at this house, holy smokes, he's going to be so dead. You know, I wish I could kill him twice. There are gun owners who have that mindset. And I feel like some of the gadget heavy police might be in that wrong mindset, too. Yeah. So I know we're all gun owners.

Phil, are you a gun owner? Yeah, I am. Yeah. It doesn't sound like you've got that mindset though it sounded like no i don't i mean i'm i'm terrified at the idea of someone breaking into my house but i like knowing that i could do something right i mean that's that's my main thing like for me it, it was a matter of do I want a handgun or do I just want a shotgun? That was it. It was just a matter of do I want something that – Why not both? No, and exactly.

Why not both? Shotgun's perfect for Lindsay because she doesn't actually have to be able to aim that well. And if I get the right kind of ammo, I'm not worried about stuff going through the wall too bad. And that's really it i mean it's it's really for me it's about personal safety my shit i mean even i'm in a nice neighborhood now my my fucking car got broken into two days ago and and it's like and home invasions in our area up are up 270 percent um people just knock knock no answer kick the door down and break in we don't we don't answer the door because sometimes we're just like upstairs so it's good to know that we have the alarm for ourselves so if if if the uh the person breaking

in is skittish they leave at or worst case scenario we know and we can do something about it does your alarm call the police? Maybe this isn't something... Well, I guess yes, it's okay to say. What's the code? No, they're fine, really. We have fail-safes and stuff because people know to cut phone lines and people know to jam stuff.

It's like we have backups and secondary backups to some fucking crazy paranoid person. I just had to replace the battery on my alarm system. It looked like a mini car battery. I didn't know. We just got that taken. The moat? Got the moat put in. The alligators are still taken to it.

No, but I get terrified at the idea of having to take someone's life, but I do think, not to blame everything on having a child i think it would be way way easier now so if if i thought if i thought my kid was in danger done blow him away take yeah it takes away i feel like that human connection at that point it's it's a predator kind of situation you have to do what you have to do you know what the baby did to me it made me

cautious like yeah yeah like i don't know do you know what the baby did to me it made me cautious like yeah yeah like i don't know i had motorcycles before the baby and then afterwards it's like i don't know if amanda my responsibility should be driving around on a you know sport bike or something um and then i don't know just i think kyle sometimes feels it on my behalf like we talk about god i keep wanting to throw a molotov cocktail mol a propane tank with a hole in it. And the propane's like squirting everywhere. And he's like, Woody, that's just not safe. And you shouldn't be doing that.

Or the plane. You're always like, I could get one of those ultralight planes and land it right in. And I'm just like, Woody, let's pool our money and get a safe plane. Ultralight business like you've got responsibilities you're talking about getting into like the a skeleton of aluminum the go-kart of planes the go-kart planes yeah fuck that no that's a real plane for the longest time i thought kyle might be a crazy person because of the video that you posted i think it's the first video you ever had with a flamethrower and it looked insanely unsafe the way that you were handling it a hundred percent yeah very unsafe yeah i talked to the guy last week uh he's coming he's coming this week we're filming some

stuff i talked to him a week or so ago it was the guy who had provided the flamethrower for that day and i was like dude because it's been years since i've seen i was like what was the deal with the flamethrower i was like i was terrified at the time and i'm and still looking back i was like was that safe he's like well you know mostly like you weren't gonna explode but it was dripping it was dripping everywhere why didn't somebody fix the leak i went to to kyle's um it's not his house but it's near his house where the and there was a flamethrower there and i'm like dude a flamethrower he's like nah i don't want to that's not something you do without getting paid that's no interest miserable to shoot it's like standing next to a furnace yeah exactly like like putting your head

in the oven like if you ever open like a a really hot 400-500 degree oven and just like, oh that's unbearable! It's like that every time you pull the trigger as long as you're holding the trigger. It's not fun. Not fun. How long can you just hold the trigger down on one of those things? How quick will it run out? It's got, the one I was shooting was like a Vietnam era one and it was loaded up with napalm and it had maybe 25 seconds, 30 seconds worth of go-jus.

How long could you hold down the trigger before it was just unbearable and you had to stop? I don't know. You could go back and watch the video. I probably held it as long as I could. I know there's parts where I'll release and take a step or two forward, and I'm happy for that respite of not being...

The hair was gone off my hands. Took a step or two forward to walk away from the puddle of burning napalm. With your Vietnam flamethrower. Let me just destroy everything real fast. Be right back. I've had this idea for a company for several years now. And the idea was basically I looked at what it cost to make flamethrowers. It cost about $1,500 worth of raw materials, a little bit of know-how,

but not as much as you would think, and no licensing whatsoever. And I mean none. You don't need a license at all to make them, buy them, or sell them. Just think of it like a propane grill it's the same classification like they're even less there's less certification on these than there is a propane grill they'd make you make those things safe so so i was like yeah we 1500 bucks each get a fucking assembly line built 10 of these things we sell them for five six grand a pop like usually they're eight or nine grand we corner the market on this thing and the best part is the name of the company georgia thermal solutions i was so misleading and everybody's well you can't be you can't own

that he's like it's gonna get sued as soon as somebody blows themselves up i was like that's the best part jeremy you want to own a company oh yeah man I never owned a company before well come here and that I did for a while like making the flamethrower company but but everyone tells me it's just too much liability and but but I don't think so because i have no faith in limited liability companies sell them as just replicas they're not replicas but you just you can't don't use it keep it full and look at it but don't use it i think you just got to be careful about who you sell to and usually the kind of person who's dropping ten thousand dollars on a toy isn't a psycho they're gonna go back to their place and do it safely and enjoy it with the rest of their really

expensive toys. That's not a safe assumption. No, that's not. I know so many crazy rich people. Like just would kill themselves. I like rich people. You don't or you do? I do. Yeah. As a concept, you hear about rich people and it's like, you know, they're politically bent're i don't know puppeteers just ruining the world but then you spend time with them they're hilarious

they're generous they're charismatic they're like you can have a good time hanging out with a rich guy you probably like it i mean you probably a lot of people here have done it but yeah i've never met a rich guy where that was like a bad time with him. Yeah, you three are certainly good, unbiased sources for this, aren't you? I mean, I grew up fucking despising anyone that had money. And that was because everyone I had met with that had money when I was growing up was just a huge tool bag. Because most of the time, especially in North Carolina or Florida, your money goes a long way.

So once people had money, a lot of people just felt free to be these huge assholes. They were always right. Everyone else was always lesser. For the record, I tipped this barber. Wait, actually, how much in general did that as a total did your haircut cost not not counting your pride not not i think i think it was 17 and i tipped three more oh you're great for both for both as a group

you know what so we paid 40, you got a good deal. I paid $20 for me and $20 for Colin. We walked out with $40. $20. This looks like an 80s backup dancer. I feel like I'm going to be the diva here. How much do you guys pay for your haircut? $15.

$15. I've been paying $20, but I've never been happier than when I had a guy. It was like $65 or something like that I felt like he did a really fucking good job but I just don't live near him and where he works anymore so I go to cost cutters now and get a $20 haircut because I found one lady who doesn't fuck it up every time

oh no Kyle's hair game is strong how much is your haircut I will not judge as long as it's less than $1.50 I hate you so much give it up How much is your haircut? I will not judge as long as it's less than $1.50. I hate you so much. Give it up. Oh, $1.50.

$150. I thought you were saying my haircut was worth $1.50 because of the hair. Fuck you, Kyle. I like your hair. It's like half what is Super Saiyan. No, no, no. Half what is Super Saiyan. That's right. I just do that and hold my breath.

I think it's 50. And then I tip everyone well. So it comes to a buck. It comes to 100. So you tip another 50. Yeah, I love this. She does the best haircut as far as... Because normally, sometimes I get...

That's a strong tip game. For haircuts, yes. For servers, I usually do a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, just because I'm a former server. But I always feel bad because i i feel i i never carry cash and so i end up uh never tipping uh the people that clean hotel rooms and i heard you're supposed to do that and i i feel like it depends on the mess i leave sometimes if i've only been there like a night like all i gotta do is like i don't know grab a few wrappers together and put them in a trash can and like i mean they

gotta make the bed but that's it but if i've really like had like lots of room service and the drapes are like tied in a knot so the sun can't come in and shit like i'll leave them like 15 or 20 bucks something like that yeah well it depends on how nice the hotel is as well i think the only time i've ever i've ever tipped was we we had just done defranco does dublin which was our live show and it wasn't from my room. It was my producer's room. He ended up meeting a lady that night. And it was just, it was the most trash. Blood and semen everywhere. No, I swear to God, I don't know what the fuck these people did.

There was 10 condoms just thrown about the room. I don't know. They probably had sex 10 times. Wait a second. That's what you do with condoms? We're a balloon animal party. Son of a bitch. times in a second that's what you do with condom well in any of these cases i think you would have gotten a better haircut than that i i would i would hold a grudge against this this man who did this to you i feel like your haircut qualifies as a hate crime i wanted to come i have had um like usually it's while i'm showering imaginary conversations with him like i want you to know

if another white guy walks through this door you are unqualified to handle the situation you don't shave hairlines you don't you don't scope you just cut it down to size shorter on the sides longer on the top this is university agreed upon in the way what what happens in the imaginary conversation after you go off on this guy in his own store and they're all sitting there reading the newspaper staring at you this way Larry Bird this way. Larry Bird motherfucker. Where the fellow barbers are like, hey, where do you get off saying that? What?

You know I'm right. Right? That's how it goes down. And then they're like, well, you're going to have to deal with this on your own. You fucked up the man's hair. Oh, you think that would be the end of it? In the imaginary conversation, yeah, that's how that goes. The only thing I've ever had where I felt like a barber was stepping stepping over a baron like hey you should have asked like that there was a

lady once who like trimmed my eyebrows like she set the like buzz clippers on like some guard and then just and like so that each eyebrow hair could only be yay long or whatever she'd set it to and i was just like she's like dusted them with a little eyebrow stir I suppose and she was like he's good no and I was like yeah that is good I was I was fine with what she had done I was like yeah okay I could see that a little sharp all right cool but god damn it all go you gotta ask before you do stuff like that and then another thing I like my haircuts quick right like yeah I I'm unique in way, but I judge them as much on how long they took as I do on how it came out. A lot of people are not like this at all. They, they actually,

or if they do judge, they want it to take a while. I got all that. Yeah. Not me. Not me. If you could somehow just rip the sides, a number two, shorten the top, and it took you like five to seven minutes, I will never go to another barber. You'd a man. Seven minutes? Oh, I would be totally behind seven minutes. I hate that forced conversation. I hate it. Just, oh, what do you want to do at the top?

I don't know. Just make me look like an adult man who puts his hair to the side. Give me the adult man. Yes, yes. Oh, how have you been doing this week? I don't know. I don't care. Just let me look at pictures of your ugly kids next to this fucking container of blue liquid.

I also don't like how audacious they get with sideburns. I haven't even asked it. I got my haircut in Florida and again it was kind of a bad neighborhood. She's like the back of my hair with the clippers like like like it's hard to do like ice cream yeah and i'm like oh god like you know like relax on your your clipper game and uh she's like oh and it again

i can't say a thing without feeling like i'm borderline right but she's like if the mexicans came in here and i didn't work hard at it, they'd feel like they didn't get their value. And I was like, no, don't worry about that with me. Just stop hurting me. My haircut takes an hour. An hour? I wouldn't come back. An hour?

I wouldn't come back. Because, well, so you get the haircut, right? And then you get like a hand massage. And then they like do a scalp rub. It's just, it's, and for me, my, do I call them a barber if it's a woman? Stylist? I don't know. An esthetician. An esthetician.

Wait, that's a thing? Yes, it is. I don't know if that's an thing? yes it is but like for me she's essentially my therapist I just bitch the entire time if anyone ever wanted like what is it Keemstar's drama alert just has

to go to my stylist blood gates open my career is probably over like I just vent it's good if they try to talk to me i'm polite but it's like kind of kind of like a wrap it up like you know hey what do you think of those red socks oh yeah yeah they don't like the yankees i don't really follow baseball no i'm like tara how's the husband oh your father's coming in town right are you gonna go camping like it's it's a relationship at this point see i wish i could enjoy that but i don't

i the most i will give a barber or whoever is like a bigger than average exhale for a laugh where they're like oh i've been crazy today and i go like that's that's about what i give barbers and you know what else i do you know when they make you put your fucking head in the basin and they walk behind you and then use the little thing to spray you off after the haircut? I leave my eyes open. I stare them. I stare them right in the eyes when they do that. I don't close my eyes. I want them to be as uncomfortable as I am. I look them right in the

eyes while they're washing my hair and I ask for a conditioner. If they try to wash my hair, I know that's not a facility for me. I feel like rule number one, anyone in the service industry, you don't fuck with because they could fuck with you and you don't know it. Well, what are they going to do?

Give me the mint tea julep instead of the strawberry fucking conditioner I wanted? Once the haircut's done, it's over. You can't ruin me. I have the tip power now. Every person that you go to, is it always a new person? Three different people I've gotten at the one place I go. You got to get that. I drive another 10 miles now that my girl moved.

That's a life thing. I wish I had a person that I trusted. There's one lady in particular that I kind of hope she's there. But there's one lady that if she's there, I'll just leave. And I've walked in and been like, hey, is so-and-so the one I want? I've asked for her by name. And they'll be like, no, she ain't in today. I can

do it, though. And I'm just like, no thanks. And she's like, no, no, really. I've got my chair right open. And I'm just like, no thanks. She's like, why? Why? And I was like, because you ruined it last time. Yeah, my favorite's in my phone it's my wife my dad uh my accountant and then my hairstylist that's it sorry this is wow i don't i don't care what it is you and my mom had the same phone book i'm proud i go to the same guy he's the owner of the barber shop um and he's open every day that the barber's open i just go there and he he limps on over he cuts my hair i don't know

his name and i like it that way wow same guy that committed the hate crime against you no no they see like i said i bought a new house i was trying to right i was trying to what he doesn't go to that side of town anymore i was trying to duplicate this relationship and it's not happening. How far away is the old relationship? 40 minutes. But it's 40 minutes of North Carolina driving. So it's like actual distance.

Like 60 miles. Actual distance. I was like, what? So like 10 miles? Exactly, right? It's like 60 miles or 40 minutes, something like that. Maybe 50 miles. So do you talk to your dentist at all too, Phil?

No. Because that's worse than anything. My dentist is awesome. So I was terrified of dentists because every experience I had ever had was terrible. And then it turns out, yeah, this guy that's half a mile away from me best not even not even the best dentist best health care provider i've ever dealt with um and so like if you can make me laugh as i'm terrified i have like this i don't know if you guys have random fears about the dentist it's it's almost like in the past those people kind of got off on weird pain and this guy like he took

like 30 minutes to numb the shit out of my face and then i was like okay i'm here and the worst part about it maybe was that he tried to have a conversation with me and i couldn't move my mouth that was it had well have you had a root canal i was gonna ask what you had but i'm specifically interested in root canals with the group. I've never had one. I've been looking at Twitter. You've had it? Oh, no. It's not that bad. There's a lot of new successful tubers that have the same thing where they haven't gone to the dentist in six to ten years, and I'm seeing root canals from gamers left and right. Luckily,

I had three tiny cavities and it was like it was done in an hour so i uh my upper molars like the molar that's right here it had a it had a uh a cavity in it the cavity had been filled the filling had fallen out and basically one day i was eating like something chewy like caramel or something and half the tooth just broke out. And I was just like, ah, there's some of my tooth. And I was just like, it's not that bad. I'm fine. I'm fine.

I'll just not chew there. And so then every time a bit of food would get there, it was like, ah, ah. I had to fish a hook or a toothpick out of my pocket and get it out so I could go on not being insane. So finally I was like, all right, let's go do this root canal thing. It really wasn't that bad. I've had worse experiences, I would say. Did you get the gas?

No, no. They gave me a couple of shots and then they started drilling. It feels like your tooth is vibrating because they're grinding out all of the inside of your tooth, drilling the root out all the way down, and then filling it all up with a plastic sort of silicone, I don't know. They got like a mini caulking gun. They're filling my tooth up with glue. And they put a fake cap on it. And then I never went back to get the real one put on and it's, it fell out the other day.

So you got a, you got a time limit. You got to, at least you didn't have like a, at least you didn't have that Jericho moment. Oh, that was funny. Just the right out of his mouth.

Oh yeah. I did see that. That was funny. Yeah. He was playing while he was live streaming and his tooth popped out on stream. Yeah, man. And then and then um he continued to play well clutched it and won the game and he was like that's how you do it not worth it

i mean there it could have gone the other way he could have like been embarrassed it was like his front center tooth if i remember right and he could have been embarrassed he could have like no no no but uh that's not how it happened at all. He's like, yeah, tooth fell out. No, I think he owned it. And I think even one of his Twitch emoticons is him without his fucking tooth. It's so awesome. It's so awesome. I love him.

Tucker doesn't seem like the type to care about that. Right, yeah. Once you own it, you're not vulnerable to it. Guess what? We make money from the internet. That's pretty awesome. We don't have to care about anything at least anything superficial like that yeah uh what was i gonna say oh my my this is the moment my dentist won me over right so um my teeth are pretty good they don't like i've got a crooked one so that's an issue and uh but i floss every day i'm 42 and i've had like one cavity and uh but you floss every day be real with me woody so you're not at the office

how many times do you brush a day once or twice but i floss almost like every meal i've got like a little thing in my car i've got one in my backpack i've got one here nearest oh goody two shoes. I went to the dentist this morning, and I got scolded for it because I didn't lie to him. He said, how often do you floss? And I said, never. Yeah, they're like, how often do you floss? And I'm like, every day.

Whenever something gets stuck real bad. I'm better at it than you. You just got to do it a week ahead of time, and you're good. You can lie. It's fine. But I had the crooked tooth, and I was talking to can lie it's fine so uh um but i had the crooked tooth and i was talking to her about it and i was like my subscribers are making fun of me for it like what does it take to get it fixed and stuff you're what yeah right and she's like what i have

this real life with real problems i have this youtube channel and these people watch my videos and they're all giving me shit and she hates my subs she's like what what horrible people they're awful awful rotten people to their soul and she's like insulting like the very core of their essence and morality and uh that was the moment that i liked her all right so i have some ama questions but i feel like I've got to pee so goddamn bad Because I ran right into the house and started the show with you without peeing So I'm going to do that And I'll be right back

Post the AMA questions, where are those? Yeah, let me give you those Are these the same ones or did we get more? They're the same ones It's the same ones But we only did like three of the 50 or something. So it was plenty. You didn't do many.

Kyle's a slow copy-paster. Yeah, I am. Well, I've got a bunch of windows open. It's a little confusing in a glance. That's right. I mean, it takes a couple minutes. Any good internet videos you've found this week, Kyle? Anything worth sharing?

Anything really, really fucked up? Let me think about that. I'll be right back. Wow. All right, let's see. Oh, when does Game of Thrones start? Is it end of April? Last week in April?

I don't have to look that up. Game of Thrones season five, right? Ah, shucks. Wait oh wait or season six coming out no they're on season four they did four and five is starting right they're doing 12th five yep april 12th is the answer nice sooner than i thought i'll never get them done in time it's worthless now and the third book is 47 hours yeah dude you can't just just pick up the actual book instead of the audiobook that's the only shitty thing about the audiobook is you have to listen to that old fuck read at his pace that's that's true yeah love audio books, though. No, I haven't read that. But I've been going through a bunch of books, but through like audible.com just because

now I ride my bike to work. And it takes an hour. So a normal-sized book, it just takes me a week. It's nice. It's solid. You ride your bike an hour to work daily? Yeah. An hour each way?

Yeah, an hour each way. I haven't done it the past two weeks just because we were so busy and kind of recovering from the wedding. But yeah, I mean, once we get back from the honeymoon, which I leave for on Monday, I'm going right back to it. Ooh, where are you going for the honeymoon?

Bora Bora. I've only seen a picture of a hut over water. I don't even know where that is. Yeah, I was going to ask if it was that place. Are you staying in the hut over water? I think. I don't know. I like to be.

I didn't even know the location of my wedding beforehand. I like being surprised. I don't have much in my life to be surprised about. You just wanted to spend the whole day with your hairdresser just dishing. Just talking. Just a couple of girls here i'm gonna i'm gonna show you guys this i think might be where he's doing his wedding how amazing are these places you know what i'm not waiting you're able to afford to fly there to stalk me

it's almost it's almost impressive enough i'm just like i've seen other ones too where um yeah she swam to the hut the hut doesn't have paths like this not no yeah so i don't know i've seen other ones too where um you actually swim to the hut the hut doesn't have paths like this not no yeah so i don't know i've just i've this is the only picture actually i think yeah this is like one of the only pictures i've ever seen i think i saw and i think that was when i saw justine went to one like i just seen um i don't know i'm just i'm mainly excited about just being disconnected. Like during that week, almost all the tweets from my account will probably be from the SourceFed team promoting videos and stuff like that. But I'm just, I'm excited. One of the, like the, one of

the best trips I've ever, I ever took was, uh, a friend let me go, uh, or like, uh, Lindsay and I room in their extra room on Royal Caribbean. And I the time, I didn't have enough money to even afford the internet there. And I was just disconnected. The only way that I was connected in any way was I had my little like hand-me-down Kindle. And I would just download books and we'd just get drunk on free booze near the pool. And then we'd take a small little two-hour nap and then we'd go party and it kind of reminded me of uh i don't know back in the day when i you know had a myspace and i didn't really go online that much and it was nice it was nice i wasn't constantly thinking about you really do it like i'm thinking

you know like you can afford a connection now right you did i can totally see it's his honeymoon he'll tweet that like i just had had sex video. Yeah, I just... For a second, I thought that was a different person. Wait, the I just had sex video? Yeah, it was a Saturday Night Live thing. You're not familiar with it? Oh, yeah, yeah. I thought you meant...

There's like a whole weird Twitter that's dedicated to awkward after sex photos that people post. Well, do you know where can you link it you know for science well i would google it but uh my chrome browser has fallen to shit because uh my lovely wife tried to download some things uh while i was at the while i was at the office so i got a bunch of really cool spam instead of the websites I'm trying to go to. Is it sex selfies?

It might be sex selfies. Anything is better as a forum than last week's masturbate to pictures of dead people. These are during sex photos. No, it's supposed to be after. Let's see, sex selfies. It must be a different account.

Yeah, whoa. whoa yeah this is definitely during after sex hashtag hey it's thank you though i i am a i'm a fan of the gifs they're posting or the gifts either way oh wait is it um after sex selfie wait, no, you're talking about After Sex Selfies. I thought you were talking about this. I did it first. If you go to Sex Selfies, go to March

12th. That chick's face is hilarious. Anyway. Jesus, look at that back. Yeah, he went to the After Sex one. She got March 12th. So are you guys on after or before? Oh, the first one from March 16th.

Her face looks funny, and it looks like that guy looks like Gollum. Like he's trying to find the ring. Do you think the guy that started the after sex selfies one started it because he was angry? The guy already took the one of during sex selfies one started it because he was angry the guy like already took the one of during sex selfies he's like fuck you the one guy has two girls in his

I think at that point you have to take a picture right you have to you're like come on right there yeah here I can definitely share this check out this. Here, I'll link it. Kyle saw it already.

But good lord. Don't mess with cougars. That seems like it might have been a real live cougar. Oh, man, the first tweet, I'm like, those front teeth, though. Nice. Oh, my God. oh my god i mean who doesn't love doesn't like a little bit of that um oh wow wait wait wait the classy individual that that that snapchatted

weren't two haps with the anal and she's like, fuck you. Oh, hang on. This is my favorite one. This is the best. This is the winner. I'm linking. I'm linking. God damn it. There's extra steps and my keyboard's on the floor. Yeah, there you go.

That's why. Oh, you linked literally the... Ah, god damn it. Remove us one more step and just link us to google so we can search twitter so what you want to do is go to twitter it's the one that's got

the date may 8th which one is it the black and white one it's the one with the guy with the cool pillow you'll see it oh she does look like miley cyrus no no wait oh i think you're talking about the guy with the uh the smiley face i'm talking about the guy whose pillow is the woman he's in bed alone oh his those like women pillows? Oh. Like a body pillow?

Oh, because on May 8th, there's a guy that drew a girl's face on his hand. I see that. Below him, like, three. This is sad. Yeah, the one that says, You lucky man. Well, May 8th was a busy day. Yeah, it was.

That was a sad day in a lot of people's lives I like could be a guy could be a girl YOLO oh here's the hand one I have these AMA questions if you'd like now alright I like this one if you were in Game of Thrones

who would you pledge your service to hmm it's too loaded of a question Kyle Who would you pledge your service to? It's too loaded of a question, Kyle. Couldn't possibly answer. My answer will be based on the ancient mysteries and not the books. Because I haven't read them yet. I think it'd probably be the same.

Yeah, it doesn't matter. You think so? With the arcs and stuff? I definitely wouldn't say Dinklage, but maybe now. I'm trying to think of a reason to go with anyone other than the Starks. The Lannisters have a ton of money, and they've got a lot of political interest and influence.

Which Stark are you going to pledge your service to? I would say Ned and then Rob after... Well, they're both dead. Spoilers. Don't listen to recent... You have to pick one. I guess you're right. So post-Rob

and post-Catlin. Jesus Christ. Now the main ones that are pledge-worthy are dead. I don't want to pledge to Arya. Arya, Sansa, I guess you could... I mean, Jon Snow kind of counts.

He kind of counts? No, you can't. He's a brother of the Night's Watch. I mean, he's a bastard. Yeah, so Starks aren't looking too hot. There's that uncle, but he's Night's Watch too. I would go with... what's his face? Littlefinger, right? Littlefinger, yeah. Littlefinger's

totally not the good guy. No, no. He's not a good guy, but we're doing this for self-preservation, right? Because we want to be the most powerful person in the land, and we're trying to politic our motivation. I'm trying to choose someone that I wouldn't pledge my loyalty to some dick.

So, Daenerys, maybe? I feel like that's probably the go-to now. But, yeah, I'm going with Littlefinger, and I'm hoping that I'm, even though I know at that point I'm a tool, that I'm a tool that he keeps around. Yeah, a tool that he can use and make rich in some castle somewhere. Yeah. While you're just slaying it. And he's not pushing me down a giant asshole. I need a cause I can believe in.

And Littlefinger's not that guy. Tyrion's not that guy. Stannis is... It's like, Stannis doesn't seem so evil to me, but... I feel like the Night's Watch have it pretty good. Especially if you could get a cushy job up there. Like, the job that Sam has. Like, looking after Meister Amon or whatever, the old blind guy.

Yeah, he just has to be fat in the wilderness. That's his job. From what I hear, his job's open. That's, uh... I think that's the best job. Like, you don't have to worry about someone... You know, it doesn't matter where you were born born in the world or whether you're a bastard or a raper or a nobleman,

everybody's kind of the same there. And nobody really gives you any shit as long as you carry your own weight. And there are whore houses. Wait, no, yeah. But imagine the caliber.

The show lied to you. You should, what do you get into by the time you're done with book two, they lots of whores for the night's watch. the whores you could want down in mole's town they almost got rid of someone for the girl i'm trying to remember because he got her pregnant maybe there's something crazy like that but the rest of them they're just letting him have all the whores they want and like every it's like a lots of whores that is a good selling point i mean but it is a lifelong commitment.

You're going to have to cycle through the same prostitutes probably over the first few weeks if you're going that often. It's Game of Thrones, so child prostitution is allowed. So there's a new crop every year coming up, and you could always go off and live with the wildlings. So there's a prostitute university nearby constantly filling the war like no more like a prostitute daycare like they'll that's less fucked up yeah yeah so the night watch seemed to have it pretty good to me i think i would obviously it's cold but if you're like a i don't know what if you were like a carpenter in the game of thrones world

would you rather be the kind of carpenter that if you fuck up or if Joffrey's just having a bad day, he's going to have you burnt or something? Or would you rather be on the wall where they're like, good job, Woody. You did a good carpentry job. We're going to make you master of carpenters from now on.

Fuck yeah, I earned that. I feel like the Night's Watch is just the way to go. I like the way that you're describing it, that the Night's Watch is just a bunch of slow people. Great job, Chuby. They are.

They are not the cream of the crop. That's one of the issues with the Night's Watch. That's why you would rise. That's what Jon Snow's thing is. Here's a nobleman coming in who's had all the benefits of higher education. He can read and write and he's relatively intelligent. He's skilled with a sword. He's going to be the king of a band of former rapists.

That's the challenge. Let me tell a dumb story. My father-in-law was a fireman and he didn't like being a fireman. He hated it. He was a fireman in Patterson, New Jersey. And the hardest part about the job was like the fact that most of his coworkers were like overly macho asshole dipshits. Like my father-in-law was really strong.

He had like 18 inch biceps and he owned a weightlifting club and stuff like that. And, uh, they were always wanting to like challenge him to bench press contests and stuff like that and he's like you know i'd rather just be cooking you know like i feel like if i was the nice watch that's the challenge i would have that that i'd be surrounded by like rapers and assholes and like this just yeah just idiots. Idiots. And then, of course, the poor, like, I was sitting here because I was stealing, you know, a loaf of bread for my poor sick mom. See, that person I could probably get along with, but his teeth are rotted out. He's never had an education. He's probably a little bitch because he didn't get fed at all as a kid, you know?

Yeah. On the other hand, like, even Daenerys, who's maybe the nicest one left, she doesn't seem to be a very good leader. No, she just demands ships and dictates what people need to do. There's no initiative. That's why I don't like her as much. It's just, give me ships. Give me this.

Give me that. Take me to Westeros. I'm the mother of dragons. I deserve this. She's got an entitlement thing. She's a child they're all children you have to keep that in mind with the whole thing they're all like 14 or 15 years old like aria's like 10 you have to add a few years because otherwise it doesn't make any goddamn

sense like there's no 10 year olds running around doing what aria's doing i just add five years i don't know the story well enough but um what the hell is joffrey's younger brother's name tommen tommen yes good job maybe tommen's worthy you know maybe he is i don't know i feel like he's just prime for manipulation yeah the queen the queen's pushing tommen's buttons now that uh tywin has been taken out tywin's taken out tyrian's on run. I guess you would be essentially pledging to Cersei at that point. Yeah. Yeah. So that would suck.

Yeah. Not very many good options. Maybe just pledge it to Stannis or the Red Woman. Hope she's right. Go all in. The one thing about the Red Woman is at least it's real. Like, you know, people are really coming back to life. Yeah.

Like she's got demons coming out of her vagina in season two. And meanwhile, all the other gods are like, look at this old man's face on a tree. They got vagina demons over there. I'm out of here. I'm going to the forest with my ass. There's demons coming out of her vagina. Who were the people that did the sword fight?

Did the hound kill one of them and they brought him back? Or they killed a guy in a cave in the viper or uh no the mountain in the viper is that what you're talking about no no no there's a the scene is like indoors in a cave or something and a guy gets killed and they bring him back they've been killed a bunch of times oh barrick dandarian and uh and theound. Yeah, shocking I didn't remember Beric Dondarrion's name. I know, get on my level. When it comes to names, I'm on my own level. Have you progressed at all in book two yet? Have I what in book two?

Have you progressed? Yeah, not as much as I'd like. I can tell you where I am. On book two. This won't be much longer. 29 and a half hours in, so seven and a half hours to go. I am almost 14.

I am 14 hours ahead. I'm increasing my lead now. Are you? Wait, Kyle, you're on book three still or book two? Three. Book three, seven hours in. So is your goal to finish three but

by the middle of april no it's 47 and a half hours long like i at first i've had that inkling i was like hey maybe i could finish book three before the show premieres and then i like open i did what i just did i looked 47 hours when the last one was 37 and the first one was like 34 maybe like 47 is substantially more than 37 if you've ever listened to 37 hours of audiobook you'll listen to this one faster though i'm really liking it i'm seven hours in and three i'll listen to it in 47 hours it'll take forever i do two to three hours a day and i I might get it knocked out. We'll see. Every day I do an hour plus, like an hour 15. And then if I can, I listen to midday as well.

I like to listen to it when I'm in bed. I'll always listen to it until I get tired. I listened to Feast for Crows on Sh shuffle for about five I was so confused the first chapter came in and I was like oh this is so sweet a new character he was doing a bunch of shit that like it seemed like it had set up for like at the end of the last book and I went back and like read that one. Is this what you told me? You're like, it's kind of hard. There's a lot of new characters. Yeah. Were you? It was really confusing.

People had no idea who they were. All right. So if you've never heard Roy DeTriese's audiobooks, every chapter begins with a character's name. So he'll be rocking along. He'll be like, and the night was dark and cold, and she was alone. And he'll pause for a moment, and then he'll be rocking along he'll be like and the night was dark and cold and she was alone and he'll pause for a moment and then he'll go john and you'll begin john's chapter so it would be very easy to start one of these audiobooks on shuffle like he like he said and just not notice

it because it just bounces around like that all the time. I want a Littlefinger chapter. It doesn't say chapter one. It just says Arya. I want to go back to AMA, but there has never been a Littlefinger chapter. He's the most interesting character, one of the most interesting characters in the whole storyline. But you never really hear what he's thinking or planning or whatever. You just hear about what he did through other people's storylines. And it's like man get me I want some little finger insight. I don't think you'll get a chapter from him Just like I don't think you'll get a chapter from Ferris

They got the yeah, yeah, they know even though he doesn't Yeah, you know what confused me so the maester that works for Tyrion betrayed him. And he knew this because Varys knew his secret, which meant that the maester, like, you know, he gave like a different letter and instruction to a bunch of different people and the maesters got leaked. Yeah. But Varys has that like wizard in a box that figures out secrets for him so the maester didn't necessarily leak no it's not a wizard in a box that figures out secrets

there's so much wrong with what you said fuck you all no no okay so there's a wizard in a box there's a man in the show i don't think I've seen the man in the box in the book yet. Assuming that he exists in the book. They did talk about the day that he got cut and stuff, but he never showed us the wizard in the box. But Varys has proven to be able to figure things out that shouldn't be able to be figured things out. So I feel like he's using a freaking Snow White mirror somewhere.

No. Okay, so Viserys would never use magic because he hates it so much he hates nothing in the world more than magic it seems that he hears things that he shouldn't see because they're basically just talking about how good his intel is because he's he's got spies everywhere there's literally like eyes poking out of paintings and shit like that he's just well informed There is nothing magical about anything Viserys does or will do. He had that guy in the box.

Many times. Taylor, can you confirm or deny what he's saying? Is it literally just human spies that are figuring all this stuff out for Varys or Varys or whatever? I mean, it's supposed to be human spies as far as i can understand but

i mean if some of his spies are using little witchy maneuvers on their own i suppose that's magic contributing to it you know how we all thought that denarius had um resistance to fire well we know that she doesn't no she does here's the thing um the thing where she was in the pyro whatever and she hatched the eggs right fire yeah uh that's a one-time event she's not actually invulnerable to fire she likes warm baths she you know the thing where she was able to hold that burning egg and yeah like it burned everyone else but she was fine with it they really imply that this woman is like fireproof and they asked rr martin about it george rr martin or whatever and uh he's like no she's not fireproof that's

not a thing i need a link to the bonfire was a one-time event um yeah i didn't know this was a one-time special ability because she exerts this ability like she's done it like five different times where she's been basically fired. Didn't she do it at the House of the Undying or whatever? Yes. Where the dragons were all going fucking batshit and she was still around the dragons not getting burned. She said she, like, felt the warmth of the flames or something like that. And the dragons are literally burning people who are, like, grabbing her and, like, all over her.

Yeah, knowing George R. R. Martin, he was describing it like she felt the warmth of the dragons. As warm as a chicken pot pie which her mother made. With goose liver all on the side. Crisp with bacon. All of his buttons. Keeping mounds of mashed potatoes.

So here, the question is, twice in the book, Daenerys has been in situations where it's reasonable to expect that she'd have been burned to death or at least seriously injured and she came out unharmed. The first time was in the funeral pile. The second time was within Dance with Dragons when she's exposed to dragon's fire. And it goes on and gets wordy. Martin replies. They call it the word of God.

Some fans are reading too much into the scene of game of thrones where the dragons are born which is to say it was never the case that all targaryens are immune to fire at all times and um uh here he goes on and says it gives me a chance to clear up a common conception targaryens are not immune to fire the birth of dany dragons was a unique magical wondrous miracle she's called the unburned because she walked into the flames and lived, but her brother sure as hell wasn't immune to the molten gold. Okay. Will she be able to do it again? George R.R. Martin?

Probably not. So, I only brought that up because... I don't think you're interpreting that correctly, though. It sounded to me like what he was saying is that a lot of fans think that all Targaryens are just invulnerable to flame because Dany did it. But it was a

unique event. It's just Dany who can do this. Viserys got burnt by the crown. Any normal Targaryen would have. Dany is special. That's what I'm hearing there. There's just no way. I wish the question had been asked more pointedly. No, it's because there are other ones. It's not

just Dany. Like Rhaegar, her older brother, he was like the one they called the last dragon. I have another quote from the Word of God. The phrase blood of the dragon refers to a typical Targaryen features. Silvery gold or platinum hair and violet eyes. Some Targaryens also have a high

tolerance to heat, though they are no means immune to fire. Take that, tie it in with the pyre thing i don't know how to pronounce that word but the carl drago death thing is a um is a one-time event and it's like what i get it is to me the books are very misleading if the author is telling you she's not immune to fire yet twice she was immune to fire and several other times she was immune to high heat like the dragon's eggs in the bath she is essentially fireproof maybe what he's trying to say is like if we put her in a forge and heated it up to 3000 she'd eventually smoke up but she's totally fireproof as far as the show is concerned dragons and and regular fire i think he's pretty

clear with the people are reading into this too much that was a one-time magical event i don't think that's what he's saying well i hear the passages that are contradicting what i believe but i'm just gonna have faith and believe through it anyway she can fair enough so i brought it up because to me there's a parallel between that where like you're getting these clues that say she's fireproof yet the author says you know that turns out that's not's fireproof yet the author says you know that turns out that's not the case according to the author in me there are tons of clues that various is using magic right the things that like he never told anyone that he still somehow

shucks that he still somehow knows and um i don't know like i'm interpreting this thing to mean various is using that wizard in a box to learn stuff. No, he's not using the wizard in the box. I swear to you. Wizard in the box, in the book, in the show, at the kitchen. What I gather from the books is that there will be times when indeed it seems as though

there were two people in a room discussing a thing and yet Viserys knows about what they said. That's just explaining that there's only one or two ways that he could know that. Either one of the two people in the room talked, which is often the case. Everyone in the show is traitorous, and everyone talks. And that, or they were overheard by one of his ears. There is a scene in book three where the the queen of thorns whatever the tyrell

grandmother marjorie tyrell's uh grandmother is talking to sansa and she's asking sansa she's like what kind of man is joffrey like it like is he she's like uh he's very comely and she can tell that like sansa doesn't want to be overheard because there's in in the book there's a lot of people in the room so she has the singer like sing louder and louder and she's like louder i'm going deaf and so finally he's just like booming he's so loud and finally that way sansa can talk to her because they're literally afraid that the walls have ears not magical ears but and not literally but youuratively, the walls. No matter. But the guy in that box, I took that to either be some random warlock that Viserys was just taking a little petty vengeance out on, or the actual warlock who had castrated him.

It's the actual one. It's the actual warlock that castrated him. Why didn't we get more information about that? Because I want to see what Viserys is going to do to that motherfucker. It's in the box. That's a time bomb. Surprise. You're going to gonna forget about it entirely and then it'll come back up i think keeping him in the box might be part of his punishment yeah all right so i got more ama questions here that uh that first one really took us on a on a fucking that happened last week or two weeks ago too do you have one picked out no go ahead if you have for all the hosts and guests what is the story behind the origin of your online

persona phil persona um i mean my my story is i uh i was in college i was in the uh the pre-med program i uh i thought i wanted to be a doctor for the longest time because my dad said that I probably did. And it turned out not to be the case at all. I hated every class I took. And the big thing for me was I was in college. I was like I was rooming with a girlfriend at the time that I hated, but I stayed with because like we just we couldn't afford this. You roomed with a girl in college? Yeah, I went to community college. I didn't know you could do that. No, no, no, no. It was off campus. Okay.

Yeah. So it was I went to community college for one year in North Carolina. And then when she graduated, because she was a year under me, we both went to community college for one year in North Carolina. And then when she graduated, cause she was a year under me, we both went to East Carolina university. It was good, but then we just slowly, you know,

you're young, you're constantly changing. We kind of hate each other, but we couldn't afford to live separately. So we, you know, we kind of just kept making that work. And so I, I hated school.

I hated that. And so I jumped into YouTube first, uh, with like the old schoolers, like Boheme and Renetto and like guys, Chi town city who hated me and so many other people. I loved his videos cause he was so funny. You liked him, but he hated you. Yeah. But I mean, it's like one of those things where it's just like, I liked his sp spiel like I like that. He never pointed a camera at himself. So you never knew who he was I I like the his kind of shit-talking even though it was it was so just like destructive of where the community was going

It's like I same as I loved Renato and and then Renato kind of turned super super negative back in the the day once the partner program came about. And he talked about how it was going to ruin YouTube by involving money instead of it being kind of the growth that was great for the platform. So anyway, so I was watching all that. I thought, you know, if all of these schmucks can do it, I can probably do it. Same as everyone that starts now. If all of these schmucks can do it, I can probably do it. Same as everyone that starts now.

And yeah, I started making videos that were reply videos to what was on the front page because back then it was all curated. And I was like, okay, so I'll just make a really funny or mean reply video and I'll get views because half the video is on that front page. They're auto-accept on the reply videos and that's how I'll get the audience. And that's what I did for the longest time. And then I started talking about news and pop culture because that's stuff that made me angry. And I kind of done that now for nine years

and somehow turned into a business. I have a theory about the news thing. Like, I think that if that's the format you you go with it's not going to work for everyone it lasts longer right so it does it's it constantly repopulates a typical thing is like like i'll say pewdiepie right people will love pewdiepie that'll be their thing and then after they watch whatever that number is you know 250 hours of pewdiepie they'll be like all right who's, you know, 250 hours of PewDiePie, they'll be like, all right, who's next? You know, that'll be their thing because they're connecting like to PewDiePie. Whereas with you, there's two things to connect to. There's you, but there's also the story that you're telling. You're talking

about something that's relevant and you keep the pace at high speed. And, you know, some people who watch your videos are there for what you're talking about. You know, there's like some sort of current pop thing. Like, I don't know. I'll make something up. Right. Kim Kardashian poses nude. All right.

Philly D does a video on that. People who have an interest in that story will watch it, even if they don't have an interest in you. Whereas if you take like a me or PewDiePie or 90% of the way people do YouTube, their interest in that person fades in the same way that seven seasons into How I Met Your Mother, you don't even care how they met their mother anymore. Seven seasons into Friends, seven seasons into whatever, you're just like, all right, cut, cut, no more. Well, this is a, I mean, it's a big conversation.

It's one that I've thought about a lot since last VidCon. I did a panel with Zay Frank, and his whole spiel at that time was by making it about personality, make the channel weaker in the long term. While most all of us, it's kind of been about the personality, right? Right. So my channel is definitely in large part due to the personality, especially since I don't know, I feel like I'm not as hungry as I used to be where something happened. And, you know, I threw up that video in two hours and now it's like I'll stick to my schedule, do what I do. People know to tune in. And so I get that personality more so or the personality pull more so than the content pull. personality pull more so than the content pull. But SourceFed, like the other channel I launched, I think that's been an example of, you know, we have a lot of personalities, we have a ton of them so that, you know, hopefully you get attached to, you know, two or three rather than just one. So it's not super dependent on the personality. But I love what BuzzFeed's been able to do,

where in no way is it about the personality. It's just about the content because that makes the brand stronger and that gives you a better longevity for the channel. And so I'm not going to change anything about mine to be less about personality, but I think moving forward, I feel like it's got to be more about the content.

Also, the thing is if you hire personalities then the power eventually transfers to them right oh totally in the gaming world who's more powerful nadeshot or hex right if nadeshot goes and it becomes i don't know what's after optic scope nadeshot then you know suddenly i think optic like the whole green wall thing kind of drops and it's the nade shot show well i wonder yeah i mean that's that's maybe not i'm not sure yeah that's definitely a specific thing because i yeah i would never imagine those guys separate from each other but okay i'll go on to um uh what is the european driving show called that's in drama right now? Top Gear. Top Gear, right?

Oh, Top Gear, yeah. Great show. Right? So one of the Top Gear guys is, I guess they didn't feed him, and he got grumpy, and he told some guy to feed him, and maybe even hit him. I don't know the details. But those three, that's a personality show, right?

They can just go and start some other show working for NBC and fire it right up again. The power isn't with BBC as much as it is with the personalities on it. So, you know, that's a, I mean, it's, it's something it's, it's 100% of balancing act. I mean, what? Uh, so even if I go back to source fed, you know, I had the original three hosts. Um we added people, and then those people go on to different things. We have Elliot Morgan, who is a fantastic host. Love him. He does stuff for Mental Floss now.

We have – oh, shoot. I hate that I'm forgetting her name. I don't know. It happens to everyone. She's great, though. She's fantastic. She's the core she went over to roosterteeth how am i meg turney went over to roosterteeth uh joe brett is working with smosh now it's it's just kind of it's it's the door and i think that's why when you have a show that has

several personalities you're always thinking about the next one um because i see i see source fed and the other channels you're never gonna have anyone like you're never thinking about the next one. Because I see SourceFed and the other channels, you're never going to have anyone. Like you're never going to have Kevin Pereira for life, you know, because you pick them up because they are such a good host and they are so hungry and they have that work ethic. And unless we're making TV money, there's no way you're going to be able to hold on to that person. And so for me, it's more about I got to be a part of that rise. I got to, to, to bring this person up and,

and then, you know, hopefully you wrote, you, you have a contract that doesn't keep them down because you have to control them. And, and, you know, it's, it's all about the whole thing growing together. I'll do mine quickly because I think a lot of people know. I never thought I could make better videos than other people. That wasn't a thing. I just went into it hoping I could join the club. I wanted to play with the people who I was watching Beast in their videos. It was like if I just got on the map enough that they knew who i was i could get in

their lobbies and i could play with them and it was this big scheme if you call it that to make friends you know like that's all i wanted i just like i wanted to have like ah if if me and hutch and c nanners were on the same team we'd win every game we just dominate every lobby and and that was the that was why i started there was no money i did it before i would see i would have never guessed that because out of out of the tubers of like kind of a range of sizes you you seem to or either you guys seem to be the the ones that have the closest uh mindset of monetization and money that myself. Well, I guess... Or you kind of fell into that.

Well, there was nobody. Exactly. Yeah, we all did it for the exposure and the experience at first. I had a similar experience to you. I was watching Zerg Riz's montage of him playing Call of Duty 4, and I was so obsessed with him. I'd show my real-life

friends, I'd be like, come here, come here. We'd be sitting around the desktop computer watching this guy play Call of duty 4 and i was so obsessed with him like i'd show my like real life friends i'd be like come here come here we'd be sitting around the desktop computer like watching this guy play call of duty 4 i'm like when i play i shoot like three people in a row with my m16 and then i usually die this guy's spinning off route and i i never considered that it's uh it's edited it's a montage of months of work for him i'm like he just gets up because there were no other videos like that he was the he was the first guy up there and i was i was like i have to do this so i messaged him on uh i must have been an early fan because i messaged him on uh xbox live and i was like hey i'd like to play with you sometime i like your videos and he sent me a friend request so i started playing

with him a bit and he told me like you know told me, you need this dazzled platinum capture card. You need this and that. I remember that piece of shit. I went and bought all that shit. The quality was just so shitty, I didn't do it for a while. That was the original reason. I had seen his videos

and I wanted to make gaming videos like those. I wanted to make a montage of my cool Call of duty kills and then and then of course i was doing like the the russian accent and skype with you guys one day i don't know who all was in there i know wings was in there and um there's a couple other guys and somebody just thought that was hilarious and they're like you should make a youtube channel that guy and i'm like nobody wants to see that shit nobody nobody cares about that guy and initially the whole shtick was that, like,

this is a guy who takes Call of Duty way too seriously, and he's a Russian immigrant to America. And he was dumb. Yeah, he's not quick to, like, pick up the American way of life. So, like, one of his things is, like, he'll only use, like, the Russian weapons in the game. He's like, you know, this M16 is American piece of pussy plastic. But there was a thing.

Wood and steel and blood and just like going on and just being ridiculous about my hatred for campers and such. But also the stories. I know that's what you're going to say. The UPS guy was coming in my head, right? Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry about that. He totally didn't trust the ups guy this this mysterious person in a total brown outfit would leave a box by the door and

just leave and he's like i don't trust it i'm not going out there you know and agb come in a brown brown that's fucking he's got three letters ups kgb don't know. I've been under the bed for five hours. His girlfriend was clearly a prostitute, and he's the only guy that didn't know. She's really friendly with other guys, and he didn't understand it. But then he turned into a super cool badass spy type guy. Yeah, because at some point I thought it would be cool to show the difference between an MP5 in real life and an MP5 in Call of Duty.

And it sort of went from there. Yeah, my went from there was guided by the feedback I got and I guess monetization, right? So when I was doing my channel like just for fun, like I had no profit motive at all, I uploaded every like three to seven days. And I mostly gave tips. Like I had figured out how to play better than average and I didn't think I was better than average on the stick. So I was like, all right, here, you know, knowledge and tactics is why I do well when I make my decisions, et cetera. Whereas other people, it seems like they just have laser accurate aim and they play on 10 sensitivity and all that. So was sharing knowledge and tips and then every so often I go off off topic and just you know Talk about things that are in my head or opinions or philosophies and they got such great feedback

That now I feel like that's the core of the channel, you know, people don't want me to tell them how to play cod That's done First time I saw the first time i saw your channel i think you were you were doing uh male mondays i think that's the first time i saw it and i and that's when i subscribed yeah aka answer questions about girls and masturbating we did a couple of those together i really enjoyed doing those i'm up to do that anytime you want to do another male monday with me i would be happy to do that. Anytime you want to do another Mail Monday with me, I would be happy to do that. Really? Really fun. Uh-oh.

It was funny because I would do Mail Mondays, and it was always really serious, right? I'd take it. I'd try to filter out anything that seemed fake. I get a lot of fake questions. But, you know, when I brought Kyle in, we just choose the zaniest ones. Like, yeah, my dad, he got drunk,

and he fell out of his semi, banged his head, and now he's dead. I'm like, oh, I wonder what FPS Rush's take is on this guy yeah those were always fun I would always give them terrible advice I think the one guy had two girls and he

didn't know how to pick which one I was like fuck them both don't be pussy but yeah then so the content was kind of guided towards the positive feedback i got the daily uploads were i guess it was probably an ambition thing right you know like i wings of redemption told me that he calculated his views and his um cpm the like how much you get paid per thousand views you guys know that but they might not was 80 grand and i was like 80 grand wow that

sounds so amazing and then i like i got partnered and i did like my run rate after a week or so and it was like less than five grand and i was like oh well maybe i should work harder so uh so then i started uploading daily and that uh you know it was a good run that was a good year for wings that that may have been wings best year right yeah he i mean he was obviously like he was killing her too he was like one of the king of the hills and he uploaded so he sent so many videos to machinim that's where and those had a those had a premium cpm attached to them and he always had like he was and he was on whoever was supposed to be taking him out of dropbox to like process and upload he was on that guy's back like a big fucking 400 pound

monkey like yeah come on get it up get it up what's wrong you just uploaded the ken burton video i'm all over that guy you gotta you should only be doing ken burton videos when there's no wings videos yeah he was a good job at uh at representing himself in that way because you had to or they wouldn't get your shit up uh they wouldn't find your fucking videos in that dropbox forever i had two that i left in there that just never went up they're still in there yeah and they were always like yeah his name was shore wars they're like he works so hard he's so great at his job yet everyone he served was like no no he's not great job till my videos I mean message him and it's like hey, we didn't get paid this month or last month

Wondering if this is a real Playtex ads on my videos any of that playtex money Asking Hutch I was like man you could tell me if this whole thing has been a pyramid scheme. I've seen that shit before. I just need to know. I just need to know now. I've done the math, and they owe me a lot. And are they going to give me that money?

He's like, yeah, man. They gave me my money. I was like, well, how much was it? And he told me. I was like, all right. All right, then. If you say so. And like two and a half more months went by.

They used to pay quarterly, but it was like a quarter delayed. So you'd upload a video in July and get it next year. It was crazy. On top of that, they had like a 15-day late period they could have. So in reality, you would get paid six months plus 15 days after you uploaded the video and is this all is this all early machinima days early yeah dude because you know the the stories i heard about machinima and maker early days it's just like shit that does it like it's just the craziest thing when they uploaded our videos because you guys were decently big in the beginning part or at least kyle was and wings was but for me just some

shithead they'd upload my videos at like 11 58 p.m on a sunday and i'd come back the next day and it'd be like 900 it's like are you shitting me this isn't gonna go go up and i used to hook me up i get the last upload of the day I know you did I used to have to link to my machinima videos from my main channel and be like hey uploaded it at 1.30am on a school night so that's great news for all my viewers

if you get out of math check it out I think when I was sending them content to machinima there just weren't very many directors at all. I know I signed before C-Nanners did. There were maybe six or eight new

Call of Duty guys, and then the old guard, like Ken Burton. What's his name that sells women's shoes? Junkyard. Junkyard. I'm just not a knock against women's shoe salesmen. I didn't know he did that.

He sells western attire, I think. So there's the cowboy shirts with the ruffles on them and the hats and the men's cowboy boots. Yeah, I'm familiar with western attire. But they're movies. There was no competition. I think they were only uploading like two videos a day

on that couple million subscriber channel and it'd be like mine and one other. And the other one might not even be that good. And mine would just be like the basics, the ABCs and stuff. Like this is how the prestige system works. Because there just wasn't another video that stopped and told anybody.

And that shit was getting like half a million views each and stuff. I was like, this is going to work out nicely. And then they started uploading 20 videos a day 27 27 a day 27 videos than the last like i uh i try i think i once i tried to send in one tip video ever i know phil's not familiar with my channel but i tried to start it out with like watching people on YouTube doing the video games And I was like I'm fucking good at this shit. I can do this better than they can and I was really wrong I was not nearly as good at the game I like sat there with my dazzle out for like four hours like God this guy got a 30 and 2 Why can't I get a 30 into all no scoping or doing something?

So I just gave up on that and started doing just Shooting the shit and off the cuff story time stuff nothing to do with video games at all i would reuse gameplay five ten times people would complain it was just me talking it was awful gameplay like it wasn't like you had a winner like he'd play nazi zombies get to level six and be like perfect i'll just keep it i didn't give a shit i'd have a huge audio file, talk for about nine minutes, then cut it wherever, upload it. Everyone's just happy to see a video. Do the same thing.

A little later. It worked out great. That's what you get with a small audience. But the one time I did send a tip video to Machinima, I just got reamed. Just reamed. Just, you fucking idiot. You moron. I think they took it down.

I'm terrified i'm terrified at the idea of posting a video posting a video to a channel that's not mine or god forbid if someone like people ask like while you're gone can someone fill in that's the worst idea ever that person's gonna get destroyed oh yeah this is a human being yeah i like i like going to those channels like your style channel or back in the day even like Ray William Johnson where he'd have to have like three weeks of preparing his viewers like hey what's up

equals three guys four weeks from now we're gonna have a new bubbly guy behind the camera so don't be too pissed and then that one dude would come out and be like hey I'm here to do the hey look at this cat and everybody's like the fuck this guy why wouldn't he tell us no i uh i was so jealous uh at the time not not because of viewers not because of anything because he could have someone like fluffy or casmg just fill in and everyone's like that was good and i'm like really

someone could just fucking do the job and everyone's happy yeah my subscribers in it must be me right because um even on my minecraft server i've you guys all know i have a good minecraft server is that woodycraft.net thank you is that what that is yeah that's what we're talking about um even on there like on the forums when people are unhappy it is the most like disrespectful brand of unhappiness or feedback that you'll ever hear it just like my youtube channel right like you know the fuck i have bad hair or something like what do you look like death you're gonna die you suck i think you were right wait you start smoking what happened you've really gone downhill in the last three to five weeks i'd say like this is you going off

like they're just they're cruel i read the comments like you guys watch this video right now on youtube you're all scumbags sometimes they hit so close to home that it hurts like when you post a video and if someone's like oh you faggot asshole it's like alright whatever but if someone's like hey you got weird cheeks it's like maybe I do yeah it's harder and harder to hurt my feelings

and it's harder and harder to get my attention now too you know I'm just like I I uploaded it, I'm done. I reply a couple times, and I'm just not here to be abused by you guys. And then, of course, there's this huge majority that's not doing that, but it's hard not to hyper-focus on the negative. But my Minecraft server,

I see the same kind of patterns. It's like, I must be handling it wrong. Because it's a super successful thing. It's one of the top five servers on the planet. We got new games coming out. Psyched for that. But just the same, whatever. One guy has an issue, and all of a sudden they want to rape my children.

How did this come to that? they want to rape my children okay how did this come to that maybe you should maybe you should like have some like uh some days where you know your your minecraft carrier kind of comes through as like carried if you will like on an altar and you sort of toss points and uh and rewards to the them like like like peasants like sort of like something out of game of thrones that would be cool or let them take their anger out on you. Build a giant statue of yourself, Saddam Hussein style, and then let them launch their bombs at it and destroy the big teetering statue of Woody. We've done that.

And you're up there giving the middle finger to them. We haven't done that. It's just... I don't know. I must handle it wrong or something. Because I seem to get... We bring in admins, right? People who come from other servers.

Like, other players don't do this. Other players aren't just, like, picking up every rock, looking for every problem. Cheaters, we're super aggressive about catching all the cheats, like, in an automated way. But one of the problems is, culturally, cheaters aren't blasted on my server like they are on some others. Like if you play on another server and someone cheats, then it's like, what the heck is wrong with you? You suck, whatever. On mine, I mean, we have to ban them aggressively because they're all like, yeah, I cheat, lol. Banned.

You know, get rid of them. I saw some of the screenshots from the Halo mod. That looks really cool. Dude, yeah, we were going to bring it out this weekend. We're going to spend one more week polishing it. Will you do Call of Duty 4 next? We've got a couple things in our head. The Hunger Games redo, CSGO is in my head.

COD 4, huh? Yeah, give us some Call of Duty 4 Maybe you could take a poll over on your server See what they'd like maybe give them some options After this whole Halo thing You know has been going for a few weeks or so The Halo thing looks great I love it You've got all the weapons you've got the reticle

Dude the Halo thing is We load tested it last weekend We might load test it again this weekend One it thrived in the load test two it like the feedback was awesome and my personal experience like i think the game is really cool i am i'm got the grenades are there because i know there's already that snowball dude we have a custom texture pack with with custom explosion sounds and explosion graphics that make these nades like nothing you can see in minecraft elsewhere and uh yeah nades rocket

launchers shotguns you know you pick them up they spawn on the ground it's uh it's halo in minecraft and it's badass and i don't think you just get a warthog in there we don't have that how could we just we need boats or something i guess and then just retexture the boats and use that physics that's not an awful idea i'll run it by the developer that'd be cool maybe griffball or something like that maybe some halo game modes oh cool yeah we have griffball oddball king of the hill and sl's awesome. Yeah, not fucking around. So, uh, um, yeah.

So Call of Duty 4. Yeah. You... Okay. Domination, and Search and Destroy, and TDM, maybe? Do you play more than Minecraft these days

or you're pretty focused? I play Minecraft a lot. Lately, I've been focused on my freaking housing renovation and that's been taking away a lot of my time. That should wrap up soon and I can get back to playing. I've been playing an exorbitant amount of Civilization V. He's back in it again. He's addicted.

I'm playing like three or four games a day, like two or three hour games sometimes, like playing until four or five in the morning. They invite me. Are you playing just, oh, so you're playing multi? Multi and single player. If I don't have anybody to play with, I play single player. One, I feel like I,

so I was already not as knowledgeable and therefore as good, but the gap wasn't too extreme in my head. There were even moments where I'd lead the game. Now, I don't think that will ever be true. You know, I think I'm just... 500 hours now. Yeah, I'm so far behind the experience curve.

Like, I don't want to play. No, go away. What Chiz and I have been suggesting is that the three of us are on a team which means we share score and we share science and all that stuff and we versus like one of the more difficult ais because that's what we like to do for fun anyway like 2v1 a deity level i do that you often suggest that at 11 30 p.m yeah i thought i liked the game and then i went to the sib 5 subreddit and i was like oh no I often suggest that at 11.30pm. That's true. I thought I liked the game, and then I went to the Civ 5 subreddit,

and I was like, oh no, I'll never play multiplayer ever again. This sounds like a nightmare. It's kind of a clusterfuck multiplayer. You've really got to be on your A game. You never know what you're going to be playing against. I've been ending the games in 70 turns or less lately. And if I play like 1v1s, I just build a lot of hoplites. I've just got settlers.

I built three cities in like the first 15 turns or something like that. You play wide. You didn't used to play wide. None of the stats matter because the game is going to be over by turn 60 or 70. So you just shit out three cities really fast. Use thereeks because they've got hop lights instead of spearmen and you've got three workers chopping trees transferring their production into your city just constantly chopping chopping chopping every single turn and you go honor tree you get the happiness hole it doesn't matter because they're chopping the the production it doesn't your city doesn't have much production anyway it's like a one population so you're in the city this whole you're negative but you don't care

yeah right about the time he leaves the game i'm about negative two happiness or something because because i i build like 10 11 hop lights by turn 40 i've got about 10 or 10 or 12 hop lights by turn 40 and and they're just like slowly creeping toward your city. I don't like that style of play. I know you don't. Given the option, I'd rather win at turn like 500 than turn 50. Military attack and defense has to always

be a possibility to keep you on your toes though. It's not fair to have uninterrupted growth that just stays at an even kill the whole game. It's good if every now and then you send like two knights over there like fuck you i'm gonna burn your fields because you gotta keep they should and have a couple of archers to prevent that from happening so if you're gonna build knights you have to make them pay for not building knights or you've wasted production you got to use your

tools yeah i played we played i guess there were three or four people playing at one time Carl attacked me by like turn six and it's just like that is that is a blitz Do you play on small worlds? Is that what it is? We're gonna say that was a lie. It was exaggerate your really turns all right, here's how it You talking about civ again? Yeah, what turn do you think you stole my worker? are you talking about sieve again yeah what turn do you think you stole my worker did i steal your worker with a horse or with a with a warrior with the initial spawned in thing well it would have taken you at least 12 turns to build a worker so i mean i don't know somewhere between turn 12 and 25 i might have stolen your worker if i did might have stolen your worker. If I did... You might have stolen my worker. Shut the fuck up, you lying piece

of shit. You know you stole my worker. I steal a lot of workers. That's a strategy. Early in the game, I steal my workers. Everyone knows about this worker steal. I'm choking you out at paintball. Not again. Not again. It's gonna hurt.

What he was talking about earlier, he's like, I've been choked out a couple times and i was like yeah me too i don't like it as much as he seems to it's very scary towards the end it feels like dying everything's going dark and you're completely helpless to the person who's cinching and cinching and cinching just impossibly it's the memory loss that gets me like one like i have a personal memory loss like the last time i did it i was in tokyo right with with joe lozano and um ricky lundell is his grappling coach at the time and um when i came to there were two cameras on me and studio lights. And I didn't know why. Like, everyone was paying attention to me. And I'm like, okay.

I'm trying to size up this situation and not make a fool of myself. And I'm just like, why is everyone looking at me? Those are lights. And those are cameras. What, how did I get here? Is that why like whenever you're watching UFC, when a guy gets knocked out and he comes to, he's like fighting the ref. Yeah, that happens a lot. They just, yeah, they don't know what I've done.

That was a moment before, not a right, but I've been choked out in practice and what happened is the, happened is the instructor, like the black belt who's teaching the class, noticed my head was at like an awkward angle. So he came over and had the better grappler like stop choking me. And in my head, what was happening is I was like, all right, I can't see anymore. But maybe I can still make a win out of this. Like I hadn't given up yet. And there's a mental dialogue going on.

I know this is going poorly, but maybe I'm not done. In real life, I'm limp. In real life, I'm limp and I'm out. But my brain is still trying to pull a win out. And when my vision comes back, I immediately go for a double leg. And the instructor's like, whoa, whoa, settle down, settle down there. Everyone's watching, by the way. Everyone knows what just happened except me.

It's embarrassing for me anyway for them all to have this period of time where they know and I don't. What just went down. I'm like, no, can go I can go you know that let's keep rolling and he's like nope you take a seat on that wall and you chill and I'm like no no I can go I can go he's like you're not going anywhere but that wall and then and I sat there like I was in timeout as I collected myself and I think I did finish the the practice but I had a horrible awful headache and

if I could describe it I was just like dumb like like I didn't really feel with it I was um traveling I was in California and I don't live there and I had to drive back to the hotel and in retrospect I almost liken it to drunk driving like when I got to the hotel and pulled into my lot or space, it was like, you know, like safe, you know,

from here, if I can just get my body to my room, drink a lot of water and sleep this off. Like that was my air for it. Really? Like, if you know what's going to happen, can you put yourself in the right state of mind?

Or every time it happens, it's kind of like, and I'm gone, and you wake up totally blissfully unaware. You're supposed to tap in advance. At the time this chokeout happened, I was pretty rookie. And I didn't recognize that I was going to get choked. And it happens quick. So there's an air choke, which probably everyone knows about. And then they close that off and it's slow. It takes like 30 or 30 seconds or better for an air choke to work. And then there's a blood choke where they get these

two guys and that'll happen in three seconds. You know, especially if you're like exercising, like if you were to sit in your chair and I would do it to you, it might take like 10 seconds or more. But if you were to finish your jog and then I did it, I think in three seconds you'd be done because you really need that blood. Taylor, were you there when Joe choked me unconscious in that hotel lobby? Was it the Marriott near Chicago or whatever it was near Chicago? Yeah, I think it was. Is that a regular UFC fighter party trick? We were having a discussion

kind of like the one we're having now and nobody wanted to get choked out. I'm sure Woody volunteered. I don't know why he didn't get choked out. I don't know why it wasn't me. Yeah, I don't know how that happened because he's usually the first to be like, yeah, do it.

I don't fucking care. Whatever. I can't remember names. Carry on. But I was just like, I'll do to be like yeah do it i don't fucking care whatever i can't remember names carry on but i was just like i'll do it i'll do it all right and i just remember just just i was like is that the same night that we had both been drinking after he reffed me and you wrestling in the front lawn of the hotel probably was it the night did was that the night that i drank all that queso? Yes. Yeah, yeah. Okay. You combine drinking and choking?

That's dangerous. No, queso. That's melted cheese. I know what queso is, but America implied alcohol, I thought. Not a ton. Not as much as our game where we watch the fucked up videos in the basement. If anyone's listening, don't combine alcohol and choking. Do it.

Woody's just trying to tell you to be a bitch. I mean, people die that way. Best case listening, don't combine alcohol and choking. Do it. Woody's just trying to tell you to be a bitch. I mean, people die that way. Best case scenario, don't combine choking with anything. Don't get choked. Except queso. Except queso. It goes down smooth. Yeah, that was awful, though. He's just like,

he basically said, I'm not going to let you go if you tap. And I was like, well, I guess that's the idea but i don't want to know that there's just everything goes dark and quiet it's kind of peaceful it does feel like dying though i feel like when someone chokes you unconscious if you do it for like an extra 30 seconds is that person gonna die they won't be as sharp as if you just keep doing it i guess i would die if he didn't let go i would die yeah i don't think it's 30 seconds though like i don't know at like two

minutes maybe i'm not as bright as i used to be two and a half minutes maybe i don't wake up i'm just trying to i'm just trying to think of the difference between drowning yeah i'm trying to think of the difference between like uh like what you see in movies in real life. I feel like in movies it's like, and you're dead. It's not like that at all. There's been plenty of slow stoppages in the UFC and stuff where guys are out being choked for too long. Tens of

seconds, if you will. An extra 30 seconds, no, that's not going to kill a guy. But I don't know where that does kick in. A couple minutes. That's how you do it. That's how you kill people. You know, that's... We're in here, folks!

Brought to you by Crunchyroll.com for all of your anime needs. Oh, I'm sorry. God, I ruined the mid... Please, Crunchyroll, forgive me. I ruined the mid... Start over. He didn't do it on purpose! He didn't mean it.

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Yep. If you like anime, you need Crunchyroll.roll i don't like to it i really have a dislike for hulu and it's it's it's the cliche reason it's what everybody points out in red and such it's not just the ads it's that the ad will be like in fucking 4k but the the program will seems to be in standard def it's like what is he doing with your bandwidth here come on don't don't fuck me and just shove it in my face with a Chrysler ad. I can see every stitch on the fucking

Honda Accord seat. I'm trying to watch Workaholics on my phone. It's like going around the corner at like 60 frames per second. You're like, that looks incredible. I would watch that. You think you're still watching James Bond, but no, it's a fucking Honda ad. That does annoy me.

I didn't know there were commercials the first time I signed up for Hulu. I was like, yeah, this is great. I wanted to watch The Shield or something, and they had it. Immediately, as soon as the first commercial played, I was like, no, no, fuck this. We're uninstalling. I'm getting my $6 back. To be fair, though,

I still have it, and so let's not burn any bridges. Huluulu if you're out there you're good enough you know oh yeah that should be their tagline but we're good enough i can hardly join this hulu conversation because once i found out there were ads and you paid i didn't give them a chance yeah Yeah. I've fallen in love with now Sling TV. I love Sling TV. It's from, I think it's Dish Network. And you get a bunch of channels and you get it.

And they already have it on. It's like really early, but they have like AMC. I have it for ESPN and Cartoon Network or Disney XD. Do you hear Apple's doing anything? Yeah, with HBO Now. Not just that. I think they're going to have their own package. It's $30 a month.

And I guess they want to be your cable provider, but they work over the internet. The challenge is, for me anyway, to me Netflix and Crunchyroll, of course, are the minimums. So that's $8 and $6, $14. You throw Apple on there and you're at 44 and hbo go is how much well hbo now is 14.99 i actually i covered this in the uh the show today because yeah because the the question is you know now that all these places are offering a la carte

like is it actually going to save you money um and I think in general it is. I think PlayStation View is fucking crazy. Because if you've seen their service, it starts at $49.99. It just launched today. And it has a bunch of things, but it doesn't have CBS. It doesn't have the CW. But I think the thing a lot of people forget is that if you search your area, there are so many areas that you can get all your local channels,

HDTV, free. And all you have to do is go to Amazon, get a 50-mile thing. It costs $35 and you get all those channels for free. And that's most places. And I think everyone forgets that that's a fucking thing

yeah there's TV out there for free free TV everyone forgot don't do commercials anymore though how much is HBO now going to be $15.99 oh that will save money if I could have got direct TV with only HBO Go and like sports packages I would

but they make you buy all that horse shit nonsense thanks for the password by the way I appreciated that yeah that's well that's the thing it becomes a question of is it it's either going to be 15 a month or if you feel comfortable enough with someone to get their hbo go password i got free hbo go for almost four years and so did i as a result of his free hbo go hundreds of people hundreds of us because i passed it on to like two or three. I was just like, can't give it to anyone though, this is just me and you, right?

I was deep into that family in the first place, and then I introduced you and we were just a weird offshoot of the family. Like every time you tried to watch a Game of Thrones episode, it was always at the end. You gotta be quick! Oh, here's the problem though, you can only have a couple of devices watching simultaneously, so when Game of Thrones comes on i'm i'm i'm clicking it they're not available

backup click it not available backup click it not and i'm just like as fast as i can like waiting on it to debut and i'd still usually miss out on it and it'd be like maximum number of devices or and i'm just like shit and so i'd wait like an hour or two hours still couldn't do it and i'm like some of these motherfuckers have just paused game of thrones haven't they they just paused that shit and they're just take they're just eating dinner or something while it sits in their paws no honor among thieves i did yeah i mean that's the that's the that's the one bad thing about sling tv you can only have one device at a time and that's kind of for me that's kind of shitty i i like it cheap i feel like i'm the cheapest guy here outside of crunchyroll and netflix no you know i hear these packages that are like 40 bucks and 30 bucks no what do you

have you heard about this thing i think i think they just made it it's called uh torrents i think am i pronouncing that right no i haven't heard of it i don't know i think it's on the internet yeah i don't know no i think but i think that's i think that's the exact reason why they should allow uh like as many devices well maybe within reason like five devices stuff like that because otherwise i mean if you're if you're just holding out people are going to just steal it oh yeah you're going to be watching a show and some asshole is gonna log into your account and it's gonna go oh you should stop because this dickhead logged in on his computer that's when you click that other button that says deactivate all devices

you're like fuck that's that's like the red button with the with the cover on top that like everybody who's part of one of those trains hopes never happens that the master and commander who's paying the $9 $12 $15 a month finally goes motherfucker I pay for this shit and he hits it and like screens go black across change password

the Indiana Jones scenes with the melted faces I got a new question go ahead yeah this is an ama my passion lies with politics and always has should i choose what i love with the possibility on having to fall back on the teacher salary or should i take the guaranteed good money of an office job that i have no real passion for those aren't your only two options. Don't limit yourself to just two. You could do one or the other

and work on something else in the meantime. It's important to put food on the table and not starve and become a scary version of you. It's also important to fulfill your life goals and make yourself happy. Yeah, that's always the weird thing because every time a YouTuber gets this question, they're like, follow your dreams. And dreams and i'm like motherfucker we got lucky i was like we we were

a day off of maybe having a job at walmart that we're mocking right now exactly yeah it's like well what you want to do is go to 2005 and open up a channel 50 channels yeah yeah first of all you should go to 2005 and domain squat on all the youtube channels um what was i gonna say there's oh oh and anytime there's like a celebrity right on camera telling you to follow your dream and it's like yeah well you're the 0.1 percent you know how many people follow their dream and are now serving up fries at wendy's howard stern will call him out on that bullshit like someone will say something he's like you'd say it's probably like a one in a 10 million shot though right becoming like a professional football player

or like a rap star or something like that he's like you're like a one in a 10 million though right you you ever sit and like count your blessings about that and it's like yeah he totally don't reach for the stars if it's literally the stars reaching for like maybe tone it down a little bit so my my contractor has a one of my contractor but a guy that works for my contractor has a son who's a baseball player and apparently this kid is something special he's a special baseball player he's a pitcher and um they're talking about like scholarships and schools he could go to and stuff like that. I mentioned UNC.

He's like, nah, there's a couple problems. One, in baseball, because there's so many players, they don't tend to get full scholarships. So you want some, you know, that's a thing. Price matters. And two, he's like, at UNC, he wouldn't start all the time. They'd redshirt him and then they'd put him, you know, like as a freshman, he'd'd barely play and he wouldn't really be pitching till his junior and senior year at a school like that so they're looking at like not elite baseball schools yet they still think he's going to be a pro and it's like baby you know the people that make it pro they started at unc like dude it's such a long shot.

Baseball is one of those sports where it seems to me, maybe I'm wrong, but if they're good at 17, you can usually... The pros were good at 17. They were ridiculously talented when they were 17 years old. It seems like one of those things where you've either

got it or you don't. Not a lot of guys spend four years in the minors and then come up and are successful. It just doesn't seem like they are. What's interesting about baseball to me is it feels like a lot of people make it pro, right? There's like AAA, AA, single A, minor leagues, and then other stuff probably that I can't think of, and the majors. It's not like basketball where you're either in the NBA or in college maybe a dev League you know guy here or there makes it but lots of players who don't have a chance at going pro in they're making the majors in baseball can

play in the minors and it's just like dude they hire 10 times as many as like football, right? In the NFL, what's the NFL Development League? I don't think it exists. Is the European League still even a thing? I don't know. There's Arena Football. There's Canadian Football League. Yeah, it was like CFL, but that's a whole different game almost.

Maybe. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. You know, but in baseball, a lot of people go pro who don't end up making the majors. But even if you're in the team but even the farm league like triple a you get paid pretty well but that said it's still limited as far as a career option i mean you might know better than me i always hear about how broke they are and in the minor leagues but maybe that's not triple a but here's a guy who wants to go into

politics and he's always loved that what are his qualifications thus far he really likes house of cards it's his passion i say now you finish the series see how it ends then they want to do well if you're going to be a politics that's a really that's a really rough background that you that you need to start laying in at an early age i know someone who's planning on uh either working on her goal is to work on a campaign team for a politician. Already, I don't know, she's been to three or four universities. She's studied

across the country. She's in multiple honor societies and she's some sort of fucking laureate. She's always going above and beyond, doing all this charity work and all this free time. She's got zero free time. She's doing so much stuff and she's 22 so if you're if you don't have that kind of passion the kind where like you have zero

time to yourself and you're you're going to be the super version of you for like the next 15 years of your life and then it gets hard like maybe politics isn't the place to go that's our those are rough waters i don't even want to get into politics. What's the entryway? If you were to ask me, Woody, I want to be a senator. How do I start? Well, first become an internet billionaire. That's step one.

Step two, run for office. Or first become a pro athlete. Or first become, at the very least, an attorney. Marry into the Bush family. Right, right. Choose your wife. Choose your family carefully. Marry into the Bush family. Right, right. Choose your wife, choose your family carefully. That seems like an important thing. It just seems like that's not a job that's even open.

My daughter would like to be an ambassador to another country. Hmm. Well, those are often chosen from people who've donated more than $100,000 to a political campaign. Yeah. You know, over, like, several campaigns. There you go, Woody. Get cracking on this. who've donated more than a hundred grand to a political campaign yeah you know over like several campaigns there you go woody get cracking on this i write i could buy it for her it's time to start donating right about now the next election cycle's coming around you could make this happen imagine

you get it for her and she's not grateful because she wanted like france or spain and you're like you are the ambassador to Ghana. Bolivia, dad. No, I hate getting shots. You can go to the European Union or this is over. I used to want to get into politics really, really badly just because it seemed like

I could have an impact, but Lindsay said that she would leave me if I ever tried. I used to daydream about it to but with all the stuff i've said on my youtube channel like i have just there's so many campaign attack ads any chance and anytime i have to fantasize about it i get like six minutes into like what i would do as a politician and already in my fantasies i'm already taking bribes and being like doing ridiculous shit like getting ahead i would not be yeah no i mean i don't know i mean the the only person i can think of that was like really well not the only but the main person i can think of that was like a public

figure in any capacity that's close to a YouTuber was Sean Duffy. He was on The Real World and now he's a congressman. And his story, I think, is kind of the only story that works for YouTubers because we've said so much shit that you just have to find a point in a country where something like the Tea Party can come about where everyone's just really rabid, and that's when you can jump in.

I can name another example. Or Hitler? Is that what you're going to go with? Arnold Schwarzenegger. Yeah, California's a weird beast. They were rabid about... Was it Jerry Brown? Was he the guy in there at the time? And they recalled him, which is kind of like impeachment. They said said you know what i know your term's not done but we gotta we gotta think this through and they did another vote

and like porn stars were running and like everybody was running yeah and it was just like total chaos and a joke and schwarzenegger's running and he's one of the leading candidates but he's like smoking pot he's in his history right smoking pot there's the actor thing of course there's um you know he's comparing weight lifting to sex and all sorts of weird things where like almost like a youtuber he's fueled the campaign ads and um silly stuff is like the ice villain and batman or whatever and he's just like look you know i haven't lived my life in an effort to run for politics but these are my takes on the issues

so he essentially had our Hulu Plus ad good enough he just said like all that other stuff I admit it was silly but here I am now and anyone who was like put this other stuff it was like well no he answered that

you know I didn't think his portrayal other stuff. It was like, well, no, he answered that. You know? I didn't think his portrayal of Mr. Freeze was embarrassing. Really? I thought it was lackluster. Oh, it was a terrible performance. It was embarrassing as an actor, but not as a human being.

Like, I mean, he should be ashamed that he did that. He was just part of a bum. That's about it that wasn't the bum the costume I thought was silly all those one liners yeah oh goodness

but back to this guy passion with politics or should he get guaranteed good money of an office job get the good money you're going to need it for politics yeah it's just politics I feel like he's right there with like pro athlete and you know celebrity i think it all also depends on age um i feel like that's the best thing

about early 20s hopefully as long as you're you're kind of you're playing the odds of you know i'm going for this but there is some semblance of a uh of like a yeah backup plan or some sort of parachute uh if not but also i'm i mean i'm a guy that that jumped into a thing that what did i didn't make money the first three and a half years so i don't know i would i would say go for the passion even if that doesn't end up being your goal uh hopefully if you do it right you'll meet the right people and you'll and you'll bounce back somewhere that was a very politically correct answer i'm telling you man 2036 i'm gonna be president or not at all yeah i money's nice like it's there's a whoa wait tell us more about this

like there's a stress that comes with living paycheck to paycheck that most people have there's um you know like in my i made a video recently talking about choosing a college major and uh in it i was like you know like there are girls who don't want to date broke guys and yeah some would say like oh i wouldn't want a gold digger anyway okay there are guys that don't want to date fat women and does that make them horrible no it's just it's part of what you're looking for in a mate right i mean that's a question though is is having money the same as a physical attribute right is it the same as being tall right in in in the grand scheme of like evolution you know yes a little bit yeah right so i mean that's not even a hard question yeah you know having money today is just like providing food you know a thousand years ago like you know

i had yeah i would like a husband who's qualified go on i i think that a rich man is attractive for the same reasons that a tall man would have been attractive a thousand years ago. He'd be better at whacking that other dude with his fucking club or whatever. He's a tall guy. He'll kick some ass. He'll take care of you. He's a provider. The same thing with the guy with a bigger wallet, I suppose.

He's someone who can take care of you, provide for you, if that's what you're going for. So does that make you think less of one of those girls that would go on a, what is it, a sugar daddy website? No, absolutely not. No, I would go on a, if there were a website where I could go, where there would be wealthy like cougars who were like, good looking and want to take. That's got to be a thing, right? Oh, I would love that. Sugar boy? Wait, one second.

I'm going to register sugarboy.com. Only men have to like go to the extent of making a website to find that. Don't worry. A woman would be too classy. She would just find it. All right, one second. I'm going to register this, and then I'm going to set up an affiliate program, and you can go to sugarboy.com slash pka.

I'll forward my headshots. Just one moment here. I want to be the first client. Yeah, I would love that. I would jump at that that if there were like some like 50 year old woman who wanted to take me on some sort of uh cruise across the black sea and and uh and and use my young supple body i'd be okay with that calm is available get it it's 9.99 on GoDaddy. Take it. Take it. I'll be right back. Everyone's like, one second.

Fuck you. Get it, Phil. I wouldn't do anything with it. It's just going to be a picture of my penis. That's all it's going to be. It needs to be by Saturday. I want it to be Kyle photoshopped onto a bunch of bodies

of ladyboys and very young nubile children that's awesome uh so yeah on this guy i i would try to find some guaranteed good money at a job you don't hate you know like it yeah it's not like it's politics or you know ditch digging assuming that's your least favorite job um you know it could be politics or something else that you kind of like do that other thing do you have do you guys have like a worst job you probably talked about this at some point because i know mine was probably uh call center call center escalation was the worst fucking thing on the planet i like that job you like that job just for me i worked uh our call center did several things uh it was bank accounts which people angry

about overdraft fees is a rough time because it's just like people in like terrible situations and then uh i worked for at&t for people in the uh that had 56k and so it was just old people really angry about like not and and you just have to like it's 20 minutes of explaining ma'am to test it you have to get off the phone ma'am to test it you have to get off the phone uh and it was just that is awful i worked i did tech support for a company that really valued support they sold it uh my customers were typically in it and it was an enterprise level like um uh the heck are the systems that run your entire company? ERP systems. So manufacturing companies would call and they'd have their tricky problems and stuff. And I would solve it.

Sometimes I'd write little bits of code that gave them a report or fix their data. Other times I'd just teach them how to use the software. And what I liked about it is I often felt like a hero. They would call me in some state of crisis. And I'm like, all right, I I'm your man this is what I do you know let's look into this and I do tell them what the type and they tell me what they're seeing and I get it sorted out for him so that my experience was was that like I always that's way better yeah typically I'd hang up the phone feeling like yeah you know they freaking love me you know i i just all like if they're in i.t and things aren't going right

someone's blaming them for what's happening and then i make them a hero and they are in turn grateful toward me and i really like that part of the job yeah i uh coded i liked fixing bugs and solving problems as opposed to new stuff sometimes just because of the gratitude of you know the people that you served i want i want your experiences because i feel like i've just been conning my way and tricking everyone through my life that's my life i feel like like your your your story is just like very like majestic, and mine's just scheming and climbing through sludge. I guess mine would be when I was 16 or 17, it was my first real...

I worked at a law office for a while just as an intern, and I was convinced that I was going to be able to like really be exposed to shit like that attorneys are. Because I was like really into being an attorney back then. And I thought I was going to be like law and order, like figuring shit out. Not at all. Not at fucking all. I was just a bitch who made coffee and went and picked up $5 footlongs and hot and ready pizzas. And if they ever did, like they had me pick up a couple of clients a few times where it was just

like, God damn it. I'm not even around. I thought it was going to be criminal law. It was actually like schooling law. So there was no fun. It was all like, Hey,

these PE teachers can't be running the kids that hard. And it's like, ah, you got me. And like that, that was it. Nothing to value. So that was not difficult,

but very aggravating and may have ruined my life life since I have chosen to be an attorney now. I've never done this job, but one that sounds horrifying to me is being a toll booth person. Imagine how slowly time passes if you sit eight hours in a toll booth. And everyone that you serve hates you. No one's ever hours in a toll booth and everyone who's next, like everyone that you serve hates you, right? No one's ever happy paying a toll. So there's nothing but like disgruntled kind of like, here you go.

But I feel like highway should be free. There's like carbon monoxide rolling in the building that you're existing in is small and dirty and yucky, right? They always have like century old papers, thumbtack to the walls and stuff like that probably slow internet you probably slow there's just enough work that you can't sit down and really relax to do anything yeah exactly imagine wanting to watch a tv show

and being interrupted every 45 seconds that's worse than no tv perhaps it's just like a toll booth taker is is awful another thing that i would really hate while it's not specific existing in government bureaucracy like you just imagine like a loud hvac system in a poorly maintained government building that's like 85 years old at this point you don't make any kind of change it's's bureaucratic. There are people who aren't really same team. Their whole objective is just to obstruct you from doing your job. Backstabby bullshit. That is a horrible environment for me that I wouldn't like to work in.

That's my personal. I've been busy trying to double check. Sugarboy.com is taken, you liar. Wait, really? Well, you have to spell it sugar B-O-I to let people know. Oh, my God. Can we do, what about sugar bay? So many different options.

Or sugar dough. Here, push incoming. Check this out. Oh, wait, no. Easy. Sugardick.com. Done. Has to be a thing. Look at the push I just sent. Here, push incoming. Check this out. Oh, wait, no. Easy. Sugardick.com. Done. Has to be a thing. Look at the push I just sent.

It's on my toolbar, so I know that's taken. Sugar boy. I don't like that, though. Nobody's going to spell it with an E. Look at... Oh! I spelled sugar wrong. That's the problem. You spelled sugar with an E. Mmm. Sugar boy. Ooh, now it's about a fancy french boy that's the trouble also also it makes me really sad that i was so excited that i

literally went to my hover account and i was like sugarboy.com get this shit now oh well what is sugarboy.com get this shit now. Oh, well, what is sugar boy.com? Let's go there. Let's see. There's, there's nothing there.

Someone, someone, uh, squatted on it in 2004, sorry, 2014. Bastards. That was bastards.

They knew that the sugar dick craze was coming. Sugar mama is taken, right? The, the sugar mommy, right? Wouldn't that be the equivalent of like sugar daddy? Sugar mommy is taken right the sugar mommy right wouldn't that be the equivalent of like sugar daddy sugar mommy is taken sugar mama i did sugar mama and sugar mommy they're both taken like a sugar buddy we're just a rich man who's heterosexual and wants a friend to have fun with he's just

a sugar buddy takes you on his boat eyes your beers that would be the ideal situation even sugar bae is taken this is some bullshit sugar buddy's taken no i'd like sugar buddy that'd be cool just so rich just a dude that plays madden with you no no no better than that that dude rich as fuck and he just needs

someone to take with him on his adventures you know he's tired of like you know some woman who's gonna use him and she's gonna sit on the sidelines when he like i don't know paraglides with a harpoon in his hand anyway so he just takes me with him so we can do that together i've had a similar idea except it was tinder for friends like there's already tinder for boyfriend girlfriend sad to even think about what if you were like all right who lives in my area that's down for like just being a friend? I think this gives you another 5% gay

because you're basically... God damn it. I'm up to like 50% gay now at this point. You're up to at least 45. So, Phillip, you don't know. It's 2015. If you're not at least 50% gay, you're probably homophobic,

according to the internet. See? Now, the concept is that gay isn't a binary thing. It's a spectrum, right? Oh, yes. If you like porn with guys in it, then I'm knocking you down for at least 5-10% gay. A lot of people knock that one. If you look at the guy, 15, right? He's got a pretty penis.

I think that if you're making stats about how gay someone is in porn, you're probably the most insecure person on the planet. So Wings of Redemption is like, you know, put me down for at least 25% gay because I like guys with good-looking penises in porn. If they're not circumcised or if the circumcision is not really one that meets his standard, then he doesn't like that video. If the girl is not a sufficient amount. Well, I mean, we're joking, but I mean, if you saw a small penis in porn, it's probably like a sad penis. It's not

what you'd expect. If you've ever searched for like those monster penis videos, you're at least some percent gay. 80. Not 80, but like, yeah. For a fact that I've searched for like shit chomping videos because I did it on Taylor's laptop.

I know. We did it in the lobby of the Marriott. Oh, no. Play this game where here's what you need for the game. A laptop, an internet connection, a couple of buddies, and a bottle of booze. And basically, someone like myself challenges, I have a video that you can't watch without

flinching or you have to take a shot there are also judges involved who are sober and they need to be sober if drunk people were judging this would get out of control quickly yeah out of control there's a lot of fucked up shit on the internet so i would go to uh website and i'd play a video of you know the most disgusting awful shocking'd play a video of, you know, the most disgusting, awful, shocking thing I could think of, and, you know, it usually involved, like, one of the videos I found was a man, I'm going to say about 45 years old,

mustache, curly, dark hair, pretty long. Not so far, right? Just wait for it. He's lying in a bathtub. He's wearing goggles, like swimming goggles, and there's a woman squatting over him it quickly becomes apparent that she has to relieve her bowels and she does and it is so much goddamn shit that you wonder if it's a real woman like did they cgi some of that shit in there and then you realize you're on Motherless.com and this is for reals.

And she shits more shit than I've ever shat. It's so much poop. And he's munching. Keep in mind, this is the kicker. He's munching it like he hasn't eaten ever in his life. And it's soft serve ice cream.

He's just... And downing it like pudding. But it's all over his face as well.ly thankful for the opportunity did anyone watch that without cracking i did yeah without cracking yeah that wasn't one i don't know what i don't know if i i didn't play this guy with you guys but i i like to think i could do pretty well but i also wonder if you poke at my soft spots, right? Because it's not the two girls, one cup that's going to beat me. It's certainly not any kind of animal sex because I'm down.

But when you get to the girls with the hurt feelings stuff, I feel like they target me. This is one of the videos we watched. We watched a man cut off his penis and balls slowly with a variety of tools. Is that the Pain Olympics? That's the Pain Olympics. Yeah, we watched that one. I think we also watched the wasps and firecrackers inserted in the vagina.

And we watched the glass jar. And this was years ago, and this was a little newer. Still not new, but the glass jar that the guy has up his asshole and then it squeezes and there's... Yeah. That has to be my least favorite internet little clip ever. Mine too. You can hear it shatter and as he's standing

up you can hear the crinkle in his butt of shattered glass. I'd rather get fucked to death by two horses than one broken beer bottle in my ass. And if you don't agree with me... It wasn't broken beer bottle in my ass. And if you don't agree with me... It was a mason jar. It was a glass receptacle.

And you know how those things break. They break into L-shaped, curved, sharp pieces. And when you get any pain, you know, your butthole tightens up. You're always talking about that ass-clenching moment. What are you doing, Marcus? Of course, as soon as this thing shatters,

the first thing you do, you clinch on it, and then you just puncture all of your... You're going to be pooping in a bag the rest of your life if you survive this. So I'd much rather get fucked by a herd of horses. Like,

when he's like, I'd let him and all 50,000 of his men and their horses fuck you if that'd get me my crown back i would let that happen to myself rather than take one of those broken bottles in my ass that looked awful new questions flinch still all right made us crack do you remember what do you remember like which video like made us flinch and actually have to um one of the ones that made me flinch was it was some guy who like intentionally broke an arm bone or a foot bone or a leg bone on someone else or maybe it was himself i don't know we were all drunk it was yeah yeah

that's a great new topic am i yeah let's do another one i'll start with marca do you think 21 is a good drinking age and why if not what age would be good i think the best drinking age would probably be 19 because you don't want 18 year olds i don't think because they're just going to sell it to all the other high schoolers and granted some kids turn 19 so it's it's not the biggest deal and 21 is just too late because then it's repressed enough to where people are just getting out of control all the time where it's like this is still forbidden and taboo but it'll never change because everybody's so staunch about it like before i was of legal age i was like i would defend other people to like drink when you're 18 you shouldn't

be able to fight for your country and not get a beer whatever the fuck and but once you turn 21 you don't care anymore because you're good like you don't nobody's ever gonna lobby on behalf of that nobody's gonna ever say we need we need more drunk kids yeah we need more young people inebriated in this country that's what we need so 19 is ideal i think anyone agree i think yeah i think 18 19 i mean it doesn't matter it out of the schools yeah yeah that's why 19 makes more sense i didn't i didn't have my first drink until i was 18 i graduated a year early and i moved out and i had my before that i thought i was straight edge which is why i have a youtube channel named sxc phil um but everyone i know started drinking when they were like 14 15 16 which to me sounds crazy yeah i started at 13 yeah see i mean that's

everyone starts so young it almost doesn't even matter i didn't like alcohol though so so i it just wasn't a problem like like there was alcohol readily available in the house like i could easily like take it from the fridge or the cabinet but i just didn't want it i didn't a problem. Like, like there was alcohol readily available in the house. Like I could easily like take it from the fridge or the cabinet, but I just didn't want it. I didn't like alcohol either. I guess I liked being drunk, but I think what I really liked was being bad. I just did bad shit all the time.

You know, whether it be like breaking curfew, sneaking out of the house, drinking, um, like driving, we had mopeds and stuff, but we weren't old enough.

So we drive those illegally all over town and stuff. we weren't old enough so we drive those legally all over town and stuff i remember the cop pulled me over one time he's like i'm gonna be seeing you a lot through your childhood we get back i suppose my parents gave me a lot of trust and freedom in that way because i could pretty much went by the time when i was 16 i could just do pretty much whatever i wanted i could i mean as long as i was back that night sometime it was okay um as long as i didn't like like i had to explain myself if i was gonna not be there the next day but uh other than that i could really do whatever i wanted to i think i also was given a lot of trust but i didn't earn it at all they

were just yeah it was and i had i had chuck to help out with my alcohol purchases i have had some of the silliest times with it so chuck for ph for Phil's help, Chuck was this like a 40-year-old sort of bum type guy who worked for my father occasionally and had a real alcohol and drug problem and was just kind of a low life that we associated with because he was cheap labor on a farm. So he was my alcohol source, right? So 16-year-old me can go get fucking chuck and be like hey chuck you want you want to ride to the liquor store hell yeah man so you just put chuck in the car and so they were there were all these occasions when like i said i didn't want any alcohol but i had girlfriends who wanted alcohol so i'd have like three good looking girls in the car plus chuck and so chuck thought i was just a pimp he thought that like every time I was showing up I was showing up with like a new

group of girlfriends but in reality they were maybe one girlfriend and a couple of her friends or something like that but I was their alcohol source via Chuck and I just remember like they always wanted you know expensive liquors and beers and stuff but Chuck drank the cheapest of the cheap

so he'd always have his small bottle of whatever I'd bought him like I don know, some Red Dog 2020 shit. And then there'd be like a bunch of Coronas and stuff. And I just remember he was holding them wrong, right? He was holding a six pack by that soggy paper handle. And they just broke. The whole sixer hit the concrete floor of the liquor store and shattered. And I'm standing there like 16 years old next to this 42 year old man who

looks like a bum who just shattered all of our beer and i'm like get another one and he blamed the defective handle on the thing and the guy gave him to us for free somehow he bullshitted his way into getting free beer he was like hey man since i got them beers for free can i get one or two and I'm like no Chuck. This is our beer You got yours, but every time we went to the liquor store for some reason the liquor store guy had to know That we were facilitating like underage drinking via our friend Chuck because we were just such a motley crew. I got my alcohol When I was young by breaking into people's houses and i was older with fake id wow you rogue and then nowadays i just beat a guy up and take it

just take it right from his hand i uh yeah i mean i think the big reason i stayed away from booze for the longest time is my mom and like my slew of stepdads had problems with it. And so I always associated drinking with crazy people. And then and then I went over friends houses and I was like, oh, my God, your parents drink booze and then they don't like break stuff. This is the most amazing thing on the planet. And the same thing with marijuana. I thought it was this terrible demon drug because one of my first roommates when I was like 18, when I moved out, he was the laziest piece of shit on the planet. And I thought it was because of the weed.

And then I realized like, oh, he's just a lazy piece of shit that smokes weed like no wait i've been so i'm not a marijuana expert in terms of experience okay but um it sure does seem like there's a correlation there like there are a lot of lazy people who smoke marijuana and i know there's different strains and such and some of it make you lazy and some of it makes you actually go get her but yeah i mean the main difference i would say i mean if you talked about like uh sativas and indicas blah blah blah it's it's a difference between head stuff and more like straight up body downer kind of stuff which if you're waking up and you're taking body downer stuff, you're probably a piece of shit. Um, but, but I mean, for me, I know that a big part of it is,

uh, like before I go to bed, I don't want to take sleeping pills cause I'm going to wake up super crazy groggy. And I don't want to take like, I don't want to take an antidepressant or anything like that. It's just for me, instead of like drinking tonight, just cause I was like, let's do that. I like to know that like 9 PM, if I'm going to go to sleep at 10, I can just, I can, uh, I can either take a small edible if I don't want to use a vaporizer or I can use a vaporizer, do a little. And I know that I'll just, I'll sleep perfect. I'll wake up and i'll be refreshed because anytime i think the thing that i'm really i think is really scary are pills pills are fucking crazy scary and i've seen a lot of friends kind of go down that route and i can't even imagine because i know that uh a few years ago about five years ago, I had a kidney stone and I got Percocet for the pain.

And that's some shit that I can see being addictive. Yeah, that's some real deal knock you out. They're mind numbing. Yeah, you don't know who you are. You're kind of like sitting in a body and you're like, ooh. Yeah, I mean, because this is a new existence. Yeah, all I know is I started taking Percocet while I had that kidney stone, and then four days later, I just didn't have that kidney stone anymore.

At some time, I passed it. That's it. And so that's some scary stuff. I think, I don't know, I'm not one of those people, though, that I'm like, everyone should be able to smoke, man. But I think that at the very least, it should be decriminalized and available for medicinal reasons. For medicinal reasons? I very least it should be decriminalized and available for medicinal reasons for medicinal reasons i also think it should be decriminalized for medicinal

reasons though i decriminalize everything so i mean that's that's a good thing too if it's something that doesn't affect other people and it's for adults then at what point do we take off the fucking kid gloves so that's that's a question for marijuana i just feel like the the prosecution of it does more harm than good um i'm not i'm not still not really in favor of everyone smoking all the time i'm afraid that that might be a bad thing but certainly what's even worse thing is throwing people in jail for it and such when it comes to i'll say like like pick a bad one like heroin right it comes from, I'll say, like, pick a bad one, like heroin, right? It comes from this experience. I had a coworker who was a friend of mine, and his mother was dying.

She had cancer. She was old, and she wasn't going to live. So all they really did was make her comfortable and treat her pain. They used morphine, and it didn't do the trick. She was still in a lot of pain. They couldn't control her pain as she headed towards death so take that experience and couple it with like i don't know heroin's illegal dude if a doctor's prescribing it in a situation like hers especially i'm down for anything anything get right to take

away that pain heroin meth and cocaine and whatever else might make acid, I don't care, right? I did guide her off into the end painless. And, you know, if you trust doctors, which I do, then everything gets decriminalized. And you just have to trust that, you know, doctors are prescribing it for the right reason. Yeah, it becomes a question of, because, I mean, the number one thing that people talk about when they start comparisons, look at the harm that that booze causes you know like liquor in general right but i mean it's that's an argument of if something's bad let's make all things bad but it is something where you look at it and i mean other people have said it

when was if you go to a party and there's no booze, you're like, what the fuck is this party? But it's also a drug that kills so many people, whether it be from alcohol poisoning or the effects of them getting behind a vehicle. against everyone's going to smoke weed and become like these stupid idiots that are crashing cars everywhere or these lazy pieces of shit it becomes kind of moot because when was the last time you went anywhere that you couldn't get weed right anywhere i don't know where to get weed yeah you don't know anywhere yeah literally if i had cancer i'd be like reaching out the subs and stuff like can someone give me a source i don't well i know with that haircut they're gonna be like you're a narc aren't you yeah no i'd be like going to local colleges hello fellow students can i score some marijuana cigarettes but um but yeah that that's where i'd be so yeah but i i guess

i'd figure it out somehow but yeah that's that's like my go-to thing like um my brother had cancer twice and it impacted his appetite and of course it made him nauseous or yeah nauseous so marijuana it can be good with both those things it can help you get your appetite back and it can help you control nausea it's like ah that seems like a fit you know it seemed better than the stuff that they were getting from the hospital at the very least a reclassification i mean to say marijuana has no medical benefits like in its current class that's crazy i don't know anyway i don't want to be that guy um yeah i just what i object to sometimes is the people who act like

it's a health food you know like oh yeah like i take it as a prophylactic against glaucoma you know i want to make sure that never comes to me that's why i'm toking up it's actually good for you it's it's respiratory. It's like, no, come on, dude. You know, I'll admit it's not as bad as alcohol. We're all sort of there. I think everyone's kind of figured that out. But the notion that it's a health food or something, I think you're just taking it too far. Let's admit it's a minor vice. Yeah. Let's see. advice um yeah let's see yeah have you ever done it yeah oh should i not ask that question hey hey woody what's the newest survey just launched on woodcraft.net um yeah i think i'll skip that thing uh and i can tell you i've never been into it and i don't

know if i ever did it properly i've certainly never had a good high i respect it the the bill you didn't inhale i got a good old i did i don't know but you know what i guess i'll i'll tell barack obama's didn't he write in it didn't barack talk about storing cocaine in his book he did yeah yeah, yeah. He's kind of a hypocrite on the issue. Is he? Yeah, I guess so, right? I mean, whether you talk about in 08, he said he wouldn't use funds,

and then they, well, under his administration, they raided a lot of places, more so than Bush. And I mean, I understand politically the saying, like, you know, I'm president, but other people, those are the people that you got to talk to as far as the legalization. Because the most recent thing he said, if enough of the states do it, then Congress will have to. I saw that. To talk about it for federal. I mean, it's just, I mean, the whole federal state thing is a whole fucking crazy clusterfuck. You know what? I want to answer the pot question I've come around

to it I did it as an adult a grown man and part of my motivation was I felt like I wanted to get educated on it as a parent it wasn't to get high it really wasn't it wasn't like oh I totally need this to enjoy

the situation or whatever and um i was out of the country a place where i don't know if it was legal or not but certainly was a place where man's laws did not apply true and uh man forgave and the the people i was on trip with were more experienced with it than me they made a bong out of an apple and um i uh i i inhaled deep they were all like whoa and coughed and stuff and afterwards i it seemed to have no effect they said that i was talking a lot but that's every day and um uh and then i guess the next year i tried it again and it was like an awful kind i think it it made me nauseous. Like, is that a thing that marijuana sometimes does? No, it's supposed to be the opposite of that.

I mean, you can have different experiences. I mean, one of the first times I ever had it or did it, I felt like I was having a heart attack. And I was just like, and I'm going to lay in this bed for 12 hours terrified of the world. That was my first experience with edibles. That's scary. lay in this bed for 12 hours, terrified of the world. The first time... That was my first experience with edibles. That's scary. My first experience, I felt like it had no effect at all.

My second one, I think it gave me a headache or something. And I never had anything pleasurable happen from it. And maybe I'm just not wired for it. I don't know. But yeah, the motivation, like I said, was honestly, just not wired for it. I don't know. But yeah, the motivation, like I said,

was honestly, it wasn't like for a high or anything like that. It was like, well, I kind of want to know what the scoop is. And I feel like I still didn't get it though. Like I, I need that thing that people like to know what the whole deal is with it.

What I have apparently is a tiny minority because there's hardly anyone who uses pot and it goes, yeah, it's terrible. It sucks, you know, but, but that's where I am. I want that to be the thing you said to the guy that was passing it to you, though.

Let me see what the scoop is on this. Maybe I've just watched one too many Joe Rogan documentaries, but I feel like we need to be doing acid. I feel like we need to see what that's all about. No, man. I love Rogan. I listened to him so much, but when he starts talking about to be doing acid i feel like we need to see what that's all no man i so i i love i love rogan i hopped on i like i listened to him so much but when he starts talking about that spacey world could be a simulation like we're all a droplet i'm like stop it no i know exactly what you mean

like he's i was like i respect it all that shit with like oh mushrooms monkeys ate mushrooms and that made us them us and now you know this is science and then he has like some crackpot on there he's like yeah i mean it's like totally totally legit uh and like joe is like legitimately you know he's really he wants to believe that stuff is true more than he actually believes it i think like i think he's intrigued by the idea of it because he seems like a smart dude, obviously. But just the way he's like, they theorize that by panspermia, an asteroid with a mushroom on it landed,

and then it started growing in cow shit, and monkeys ate out of cow shit. And it's like, dude, we're already six leaps down the rabbit hole, and none of this means anything. It means that there were monkeys that were getting high. Can we still eat them to further improve our mental state? Because when when people eat them they kind of just look like they're tripping out and not with reality at all like he takes these psychedelics and then he acts like he's having new well he says he's having new thoughts and he's expanding his brain and he's thinking

about the world in ways and everyone should do this so that their brains can have experienced the stuff that his has right like we need these out of this world, crazy thoughts. But what I hear is out of this world, crazy thoughts. They seem to have no value to me. I don't know. I don't know if I know that when he talks about certain things, he talks about how people have heard him and that's why they want to try it. I don't know if he says,

I don't know if we should quote him saying that everyone should try it. Cause I know that like my big thing is I will probably never do a straight up hallucinogenic acid. Because I don't want what's in here thrust out into the world at all. That seems like a bad day. Because I don't know what will come out. Because the craziest thing I've ever done, and it was one time, was Molly. That's it. And that's essentially Adderall with a bigger smile that's it that sounds like a great time i mean it's a

fantastic time it makes you feel like you could just have sex for 12 hours straight but it's one of those things i would never recommend you can't in general i think i think after a while i'm like i got stuff to do i'm 29 years old okay i have a prescription for adderall and if i have like a real work day ahead of me where i have to like be going from dusk till dawn i'll take 10 milligrams of adderall to start the day and then 10 more around lunchtime and i'm just go go go version of me like the one pop yeah those are scary that's how you feel like you're having a heart attack that doesn't my heart rate's a little bit faster but it's not like blum blum blum blum it's nothing it's nothing ever scary I'm just like it's time to work now like I remember I because I've always had the like the time release and

it's like a no a nice slow like okay I'm I'm here. I'm more in the moment. But two VidCons ago, I ran out of my prescription because my doctor was on some trip. I wasn't able to do anything. So my friend gave me his, but it was like the one thing. And I just remember I was on a panel with the fine bros and like some guy I'd never heard from from Maker. And the entire time I was up there, I had taken a little extra right before I went on. I thought I was going to die in front of everyone. And it was the most terrifying experience of my life. Why was there some, what made you think you're going to die?

Because my, well, cause one, like if you take too much, then you just, then you're, it's essentially just like the biggest up, one of the biggest legal uppers on the market. And so all of a sudden my heart's pumping. And then I hear this guy from Maker spouting this bullshit that I was getting so angry about because he was talking about how he could successfully market 20,000 channels at the same level, right? And it was just like,

there's so many small people that you're not getting to. And so I was like getting really worked up. but i was like your hands are clammy probably oh yeah i'm just like oh my god and so i just let the fine bros ream them like they always do very successfully i've tried adderall one day and i didn't notice it no yeah you're just not affected by substances maybe you're like unbreakable have you ever been sick woody i can't stop coughing i really like adderall i i um i i like to take it like i said when there's a big work day ahead and i feel so much more positively positive about the work that has to be done it, like I said, when there's a big workday ahead. And I feel so much more positive about the work that has to be done.

It's like normally I'd feel like it was drudgery. Like, ah, I got to go out and I got to dig fence pole holes. And I've got to put in all this stuff. And I've got to do this fencing. And I've got to build this structure and weld all this stuff up. It's like, I don't want to do that. But then I'll take Adderall and eat some cereal. And I'm just like, we're going to're gonna work now oh all the kinds of work yeah let me get my tools let me get my

tool belt like you just want to do stuff and i'm excited about what needs to be done and i like and i even want to do it well so i get that naturally not not always the anticipation of work like you described it but the completion is like i get a big reward out of that that's my reward system works that way heck today i installed a bunch of light bulbs and um it seems like nothing but it was 11 light bulbs which is a good amount and i had like fixtures to disassemble and reassemble and when i was done it was like yeah you know i called my wife hey i got all the light bulbs in. You know?

She's like, that's great. Did you get the hallway? Yeah, I got the hallway. It was hard, but it's perfect now. And, you know, it was hard. I had to disassemble and whatever. Like, I've done long-term tasks, like woodworking and stuff, that takes me three months to finish a piece. Just because I know the high at the end.

Have you ever done it with a resting heart rate of 140? Because if you've done that, you've not been at peak performance. I promise you. Dude, my heart rate, I don't know if it's true anymore, but when I was in college, incredibly high. Really? Yeah, I'd hit like 250.

What? No, it didn't. You're not a squirrel. Like every three minutes? So what would happen is we'd train, right? Like in swimming, I was a collegiate swimmer, and we'd train, we'd train. And then they'd ask people to do their heart rate.

I measured it myself. The way they say to do it is you take 220 and you subtract your age, which would be about 200 for me is my maximum heart rate at the time. But you'd measure it, and people wouldn't believe me. So then they'd measure it themselves. And these are other swimmers, coaches, people who know how to take a heart rate. And then I've used the electric kind that goes around your chest.

That's just a thing. My heart used to go fast. Were you like the big kid on the swim team? You are Bruce Willis from Unbroken. Was I what? Were like the the big kid on this willis from unbroken was i was were you like the big kid on the swim team because if you're because if you're on the swim team i imagine you're pretty in shape because usually people that are in shape have a lower resting yeah i broke records high school college um even as a freshman i was like one of the leading point oh wait yeah four beats per second yeah you are bruce willis yeah um i failed a um uh for the lifeguard thing

you know they need to take annual physicals i failed it because my heart rate was too quick they made me go and get like an ekg and stuff and i had to get like a second doctor's opinion couldn't possibly be this high as you say this he's like no it's not i'm just thinking to myself, is he a superhero? Yeah, no, because at this point we had, like, fellow athletes, coaches, electronic measuring devices, and doctors with electronic measuring devices. I believe you. I'm just wondering if you are, in fact, a superhero. No, I'm old now.

I'm nothing new. So was Bruce Willis in Unbreakable. Yeah, but that was always a thing. Like, my heart went, like, i don't even know if it's healthy like to have it go quick like i think no you need to shoot you in the arm just to be yeah that's like how long does a hamster because i mean worst case scenario you got a cool scar to brag about best case scenario you turn out to be some sort of invincible superman and we can start marketing that

Sounds like a lot of I'm gonna need it. I'm gonna need you for some videos Didn't Bruce Willis get hurt I guess he's never even only injury only by water Yeah, his weakness was that he could not swim He could be drowned it beats the Green Lantern. what's his weakness the color yellow that's bullshit no god damn it what is it then how real close am i he doesn't have any weaknesses he's got the ring as long as he doesn't uh lose his um his um his focus you know his belief in himself as long as he hangs on to that. If self-doubt is how you beat the Green Lantern, you make him think that he's done something bad,

and he starts doubting himself, he starts doubting his powers, and then they literally diminish instead of figuratively diminishing. That's how you beat the Green Lantern. That's how Batman did it. So those superheroes, all those Lantern superheroes

are just really, really self-conscious and easily swayed about themselves. Oh, woe is me. I don't have all the power in the universe. Batman had this whole elaborate plan for how to do it to him. It was hard. I know. Batman's plans were ridiculous. It was like, oh, what if Catwoman

goes crazy? I'll shoot her in the head. Alright. It's the seven dumbest weaknesses in comic book history. I didn't realize it but the green one of the green lanterns weaknesses is wood really yes the green lantern didn't have much going for him in the way of coolness the uniform was a pair of green parachute pants and a purple cape but worst of all his weakness um his powerful ring had no effect on wood. So then you scroll down a little bit.

Yellow. Arguably dumber than the Green Lantern weakness to wood, it's a successive Green Lantern weakness to the color yellow. Because of yellow impurity, the ring's central battery power. So there's nothing worse to him than like a festive Arbor Day parade. It's the color of sunshine. It makes his defenses useless against slipping on a banana peel and being peed on. I don't know where you're reading this from, but it doesn't sound like they're taking the DC universe very seriously at all.

And I don't like it. I do know that like the color yellow was like, like the green lanterns were the, it was like good and evil or something like it. I do know that the color yellow was like the green lanterns were the it was like good and evil or something like that, but the yellow was like hate or anger or something like that. One of the green lanterns went over to that side and he turned yellow. Isn't it like chaos or something?

I don't know. I don't know what I'm talking about. But yeah, that was I don't know. Green lanterns kind of don't make sense. I like that you can just be weak to a color. A color? It just doesn't make sense. I don't know. Green Lantern's got a dumb weakness. I like that you can just be weak to a color. A color? It just doesn't make sense. I don't remember. No. Yellow. My only weakness.

Other than wood. It's two very, very common things, right? Like, Superman was weak to kryptonite, and that wasn't, you know, an everyday problem he ran into. They've got banana tree bombs! Run for it! Banana trees? Holy smokes! You're really getting him.

The number two pencil takes him out. It's over. There's another good one. What's the... I can't get through the site because, once again, all this spamware. What's the number one dumbest weakness? Being made of glass.

Someone's made of glass? I guess the weakness is to be made of glass. I'm going being made of glass. Prism is a member of the Marauders, an evil mutant assassination squad. His mutant power is he's able to absorb light and shoot

it out in beams. Basically the most generic mutant power you can come up with. All this power comes at a price. He's made of glass. Damn. Damn. That's, uh... He was defeated by a guy named Larry who happened to have a hammer.

I'm looking for... Trying to get to page two of this article but um the spamware keeps taking me to russianbrides.com wow yeah someone threw him into a wall and he shattered which was pretty much inevitable but the tragedy is he was subsequently brought back to life and then shattered again and then he was brought back to life and guess what shattered again yeah i would say that's how every story ends that he's in yeah they they he's been shattered many times he's made of glass that's a stupid weakness i'm looking forward to this barrage of superhero films that's kicking off very soon with the age of ultron coming and then ant-man uh which i think is just

they better start marketing it better. Yeah, Ant-Man looks rough. It doesn't look like it's going to be a winner. But then a lot of people didn't think Guardians of the Galaxy was going to be either. But I don't know if it's going to be another Guardians. It's really focusing on, what's his name? Tim Rudd or something like that.

Oh, Paul Rudd. Paul Rudd, yeah. I'm all about the westerns, man. My subs have heard it before, but that's what I want to come back. I want westerns to come back. He's tired of superhero movies. He wants westerns. Oh no, we got the video thing. So click the video again and it should come back.

Oh, okay, there we go. Yeah, he's had it with us. Oh no, I need Skypepe premium it just says that i think if you click close it'll i see you you're a little dim oh you see me that'll return i'm a little dim judging he's had it with the superhero thing he wants like some rejuvenation of the western genre well i'm trying to think what when was the last time you had anything close to that? Django. Maybe.

I mean, well, yeah. Django was totally a Western. Yeah. I think it's just I think of it as a revenge story first. Yeah, no, it totally is. There was, what was it, Appaloosa? That wasn't that long ago i haven't seen that that's pretty good it's got vigo mortensen um i can't remember ed harris

and um and um bridget jones diary what's her name oh it was like what uh renee zellweger yeah she's in there before that. I mean, who? What? Have you seen her post-plastic surgery? Yeah, she looks normal now. She looks normal now. It's a big difference. She doesn't look like the same person to me.

No, I mean, she came out and she looked kind of crazy for a second. And then she just did her hair different. Oh, wait, there we go. I'm the right color now. Yeah. I can't see Woody, though. That's a thing. You guys all know that maybe Philly D doesn't,

but when the camera goes away, XSplit takes it. So for the rest of the show, which is a few more minutes. Here's how I think we should end the show, and we should probably do it soon. So Taylor's not back yet, I don't think, but he has to be up in like four hours for work. i think that when he gets back we should be early for a stripper but go on when he gets back we'll say that we're gonna extend this let's do two more hours all right guys two more hours just to fuck with him i'm down you'll be able to see the pain

in his eyes just look for it we have to get his camera back first hey i've got a question another ama this might be the last one who knows five years from now where do you think you'll be and what do you think you'll be doing for the whole crew i don't know i think i know but i don't want to say just yet because i i have a secret plan that that's in action right now that i don't want to talk about yet i have a lame joke oh five years from now what do i have 2020 vision it's 2015 i get it um i got it was just all the jokes are guaranteed to be those for pkn i just turned my head like a confused dog. I was like, what? Man, I don't know. I think, well, I'll contractually be doing this same thing for three years,

and then I don't know. I don't know if I'm going to still be in California. Where would you go if not Cali? I don't know. I mean, if I stayed in maybe Utah. There's been a lot of talk of if I would move to Park City. Every time I go there, it's like it's gorgeous. I could still do a lot.

I mean, the whole like initial awesome thing about this job was I could do it anywhere. And then I made it into this thing that was, you know, super successful. And then I sold it and I kind of locked myself in one place for five years. So I think after three years from now, I think I'd kind of want to move. Maybe Park City though, Utah. I think I would like to live in Texas. I think I want to try Texas because I've been going out there and I visited Texas maybe four occasions and done very different things every time. Always something with guns and the wilderness,

but different stuff every time and different people. And I kind of like the people there, most of them anyway. They all seem to be really fun and like to have a good time. And there's just so much open space that you can be really silly out there. So if you want to chase armadillos on ATVs, you can do it. Or if you want to shoot a tank or something like that. So I think Texas would be fun, somewhere around Austin. Yeah, Taylor, the

question is, where do you see yourself in five years? Five years? Ooh. Right? That's that question. 2020 vision. Yeah, I'll have gotten LASIK, so I will have 2020 vision. It'll be 2020. Get it? Yes, I got it.

I just chose not to acknowledge and take it a different route. I did the same thing. I was just like, yeah, we know and take it a different route. I was just like, yeah, we know. It's a good joke. I have no idea. No idea what I'll be doing in five years. Maybe I'll have won the lottery.

I haven't even played the lottery. I've never gambled. That's what I need to do in the next five years. Go to Vegas. Yeah, man. That'll be good. Never done that love gambling it sucks come on i hate it so much oh man there's nothing poker all the time poker's not gambling you gamble on it is no it's no it's not it's not it is the way i play it i don't yeah i don't play poker because i can't lie to people that close to my face i just just take Kyle's money. That's how I play. I would love to play you.

You've played me. How many times have I cleaned you out? In that bullshit Takati beer game and in the other game you got mad because I re-bought in a couple times. I cleaned you out so many times that I didn't want to play anymore. I just kept going all in until sweet relief. Until I had all the money.

Because I went all... You got all the in like one hand just all in all in It's punishingly boring to play poker with someone who's really really into it And you're not I don't know I love like if I go to Vegas. I go to I go play blackjack and If you were like I think it's called progressive negative i just go in with a really large pot of money and i just i play the minimum and then if i lose i double it if i lose i double it uh and it's just about it's just like you're just essentially playing depending on what the maximum at the table is that you're not going to lose nine hands in a row which i've seen happen to my poor buddy richard uh but but luckily i looked into that strategy like it i didn't think about the maximum when i first started looking into it i was like why is it that the whole thing where you double your money

until you you know like you just all right you lose five bucks you bet 10 you lose 10 bucks you bet 20 keep doing that and then go back to the five bucks again right and oh yeah so you keep the five every time you win but every time you lose you just get back to even in your set there's yeah sort of two concepts that crush it one that phil mentioned is the table max right like eventually you'll lose six hands in a row or nine hands a row whatever that is and you won't be able to do it anymore that combines with the other factor that is um you win small and you lose huge yes and you know like it make it roulette because that's simpler but yeah like eventually if you watch the roulette a lot of tables have like how many

like reds in a row or blacks in a row you hit you eventually do see like six in a row like if you watch that sign there'll be six there'll be nine blacks in a row it happens, you eventually do see like six in a row. Like if you watch that sign, there'll be six, there'll be nine blacks in a row. It happens. And then all those little $5 victories you had, like a month's worth get wiped out the one time that you've doubled 10 times. Yeah. The main thing with gambling in general, whether it's you're going progressive negative or anything else, never bet anything that will actually hurt you, right?

Always be able to walk away like, this is my gambling money. If you're doing progressive negative, it's because you're going to sit down at a table for two, three hours because you want that rush. You also do need to sit at a table with a high maximum. My ideal table is 25 men, uh, five to, I think, I think I saw one table that was 10,000, but usually it's 5,000 max. Um, and at some points you will, you will end up with a $5,000 hand and it's the most terrifying thing. And that's the rush. I am, to accumulate cash because it gives me two options. One is that you can just retire off that or something.

That would be one way to go, make those gains or whatever. The other is if I want to start a new business, there's a lot of options open to you when you have cash that aren't. One thing I talked to my wife lately about is like, you know what? I'm not happy with the movie theater selections near our new house maybe there's an opportunity there but you know if you're living paycheck to paycheck opening a movie theater isn't really on the in the cards for you but what if you if you buy a movie theater i will

legit come live in your guest house. But, you know, that was the thought. I started looking into movie franchises and how much it takes to start up that. A lot of these franchises, they look at your net worth. If you want to start up a gas station, I looked at this a while ago, you had to have a net worth of 400 grand

with 250 liquid or something like that. And I was like, oh, that's a lot of money to start up a gas station. I didn't realize all these people were worth half a million dollars or better. We own them. But yeah, if you have cash, then your next business idea can be a reality

and not just a dream. So that's what I've got in my head. What do you think, like two more hours here? Yeah, I feel like we're flowing. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like we're flowing. Yeah. I don't know. I'm digging it. It's cool. Alright. Bastards.

Come on, Taylor. I think we should call the show there. I think it was very good. Yeah. There was some pain in Taylor's eyes. Let's just keep it rolling. People love the four hour podcast. They listen to the whole thing every week

and there's no drop off in quality. I love it. I thought the second half was stronger than the first. No, they were both good this week but that's because Phil over here is an internet legend. Lots of tables. We appreciate that.

That's it. I like doing it. I think whenever I listen to the PKA podcast, I feel like I'm quieter than a lot of the other guests, but it's just because I enjoy listening. Also because I know nothing about fucking Game of Thrones. You fucking cunts.

Oh, I'm so sorry. I hate to do that, but... Did you know anything about fucking chickens? We talked about that. We're all obsessed with it. Yeah, we're all obsessed with it right now. I really am into that story. I think it's my favorite story now of all time.

I really like Game of Thrones. Kyle burned into my head with this like Woody, that's storytelling. Whereas I just really want to know what happens next and I don't want to obsess over every footnote of Jon Snow. I got to the part where Jon Snow walks on the mountain.

That's so many parts. He's hammering spikes into this wall, felt-covered hammer, following this guy called Stonesnake up this mountain so they can kill the wildling watchmen who are up at the top of it. The part I'm in, he's climbing a mountain or walking on it,

and he's keeping his face next to the rock as if it were his mother's breast and he was suckling or something like that and i'm like i guess this is storytelling i wish i could fast forward if it were a book i just i'd like to flip ahead still talking about mountain climbing all right cool didn't need that i like every word of it i don't care how all right cool didn't need that i like every word of it i don't care how verbose it gets uh it's gonna be on the test i like it i don't care how i like it when he describes the meals and the grease dripping from characters fingers and them licking the grease and the and the you know the way the meat tastes and that it's a thin bird that they're eating and the rotten cabbage had

worms crawling in it and this smell was repugnant and he goes on to great extent sometimes explaining every time you know painting the the scene you know so that you know where all this is happening and it's kind of important if the stable hasn't been mucked out and it's important to know there's these big black swollen flies and i need to know what kind of horses they are whether it's an old brown plow horse or a war horse or a garing or something i like all that i like the storytelling and the character development which goes on to no end i wonder how many how many like franchises there are that would probably be better served like i feel like game of thrones is with a series rather than a movie oh all perhaps i think a lot of

stories lend themselves more to an episodic uh storytelling format rather than let's get this done in two hours or maybe we get you know six hours into a trilogy dude tv shows are the new movies now like that's yeah it's exciting to me that like something like game of thrones there the hobbit they did a trilogy and at the time that was kind of i'm not not the hobbit i ruined it lord of the rings they did a trilogy and at the time that was kind of i'm not not the hobbit i ruined it lord of the rings they did a trilogy and at the time that was like a cool thing like oh they're doing three whole movies they're even three long movies that's a big deal but breaking bad for example like if that was a movie trilogy not enough you know you want to really tell that story you do six seasons of tv and but holy shit did they did they stretch the hobbit yeah i didn't

mean to say the hobbit i enjoyed that book but um that did the movie i didn't even watch the third one i haven't liked the second hunger games movie i don't i haven't read the book so i don't know if there's having uh the last one or the second one this they're the set both the same right there's no there was uh there was the third one, and then they're going to have the... Oh, there's a third one now? Yeah, there was Hunger Games. Yeah, there was the first one, then there's the second one. Then they split the...

They did that thing where they split the third one into two movies. Oh, okay, so there's going to be four total Hunger Games movies. Yeah, and it's just the third one it just didn't need it it just didn't need to be split it's the worst of the three books i don't know i read the books on hunger games i don't know i started reading so much young adult stuff after reading uh like everything john green wrote because i was like oh these are interesting and they're super easy i can do this in a day dude john green is Green is so successful. Yeah. I didn't realize all the stuff he did.

His YouTube channel is great. I got into him at Crash Course. And I was like, oh, he's Vlogbrothers? And I started watching that stuff, which is a lot like Crash Course, actually. And then I found out he wrote A Fault in Our Stars. And then, I can't name the other stuff, but I feel like other things have popped up here and there. And I'm like, Jesus, this guy's like

a media mogul oh yeah he is looking for alaska an abundance of katherine's uh they just they just launched a trailer for paper towns one of his other books like he's i don't know both of the brothers actually are fantastic john's a great author and hank uh is fantastic with everything he's done as well. I mean, and you guys know they're behind VidCon and stuff, or were behind VidCon and stuff. They're amazing. Yeah, amazing. At first, I just liked their videos, and then I found out all the other massively successful stuff they do, and it was just like, oh.

I keep wanting to shut up, though, because I see Taylor hating us. I'm enjoying it. Fans, do you like it? Look at how loathful Taylor is right now. Are we still recording? Uh-huh. Oh, God, I thought we cut. See?

I thought we were done. We didn't. Go ahead. Look at Taylor. Looks so mad. I'm not mad. Be madder. I'm just tired.

I was like, I'm surprised Taylor's sticking around I'm seeing the uh I thought at first it was anger like his eyes coming down but it's just general sleepiness it is yeah it is exhaustion on a level that people don't experience commonly I'm sleepy but by all means let's

let's drag it out. The nine people who are still listening to this. All right, all right. That was PKA episode 222. Holy smokes. Buy Crunchyroll. Buy it. Get it every month.

They're fucking amazing. If you like anime, then you can't do it without Crunchyroll. Buy it. Get it every month. They're fucking amazing. If you like anime, then you can't do it without Crunchyroll. Bye, everyone.