Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #223

Episode Date: April 3, 2015

This week on PKA, the guys are joined by Tucker again, they all sit down and go through The Gauntlet, a compilation of some of the worst, more gruesome videos on the internet and chaos ensues shortly after that journey begins.

And we're live. Painkiller Already, episode 223. This episode of Painkiller Already has been brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace, the all-in-one platform that makes it fast and easy to create your own professional website, portfolio, or online store. For a free trial and 10% off, visit squarespace.com and enter offer code PKA at checkout. A better web starts with your website. I like these guys a lot and they're cheap as damn enough. Their plans start at $8 a month. I think you get a free domain name if you sign up for a year. And so whether you're starting a business, building a portfolio,

or just expressing yourself online, remember to sign up today. Go to squarespace.com slash pka. That's squarespace.com slash pka. So so kyle's doing the read right and i'm like yeah he's gonna do the read fine i didn't know he was gonna do the read sexy like that was a surprise to me you did read it like you were trying to seduce me a little bit because i know that voice personal experience but it's's a very sultry. He was drinking. Don't judge him. That's what he was about to say. Maybe I just have some feelings when I think about that Jeff Bridges

Squarespace website. As you do. But you're not alone. That was pretty interesting. It was just really him like talking and gurgling and making noises sometimes and then a little pan flute mixed in. Dude, I liked it. See, that's the power of Squarespace is they took the hideous

content and weird perverted nonsense that he was spouting and made it palatable. So that's Squarespace. And it has built-in DDoS protection. So if you're in our world somehow, you know how required that is. So it's a big deal.

It's very required because there's always a cunt out there always that's their tagline actually squarespace.com there's always a cunt out there it'd be an effective tagline yeah but kyle i think you did a great job i'd give that read nine out of ten actually the best you've done in the last four episodes, minimum. Thank you. Easily the best one you've done. That means so much. So much.

And I'm glad that you realize that my opinion holds weight. But you did start it off a little mellow. You started it off from like, well, P, you want to get to squarespace.com? And then you want to start off at the top. I thought he started off sexy. I am rating him 4 out of 5 splooshes. Well, P, you want to get to Squarespace.com, and then you want to start off at the top level. I thought he started off sexy. I am rating him four out of five splooshes. I was trying to draw the audience in.

I wanted to lower my voice. They perk their ears up, if you will. They say, wait, what did he say? And then as I eased into it, you know, slipping a few buttons away, if you will, at that point, they were fully engaged, got them completely focused on squarespace all of a sudden they're all yeah i do need a fucking portfolio all right all right you know people that never would have been interested before all of a sudden that's what our audience sounds like if you're interested in a website if you're

interested in business idea there's no better place than Squarespace. That's the deal. That's where professionals do their work. Yep. You're a goddamn idiot if you don't... He's a tagline machine. Speaking of professionals, I know someone who did not use Squarespace to make their website, and it looks terrible. Hitler.

Can we talk about Jamal? Jackie specifically told me not to say his name on the show. Oh, you didn't say it. I said it. And I was like, too late. We've been talking about it for months now. And she's like, well, no more. So don't say Jamal's name.

All right. We certainly won't promote Jamal or his half-assed non-squarespace website. Let's see what it has to offer. Are we doing a breakdown of this website? Can we go to the website and break down the website? We're going to ruin this gentleman's livelihood here. He's going to ruin him for himself. According to what Woody has to say, he's already ruined his livelihood.

He's on the Better Business Bureau. So on a scale of A plus to F, what do you think his rating is on the Better Business Bureau. So on a scale of A plus to F, what do you think his rating is on the Better Business Bureau? I would guess a D because somehow he's still getting work. You've gone too high, Kyle. I'm going to say C. Oh, wait. You're joking, right?

I gave you the link. It's an F? He's literally an F. No, it says he's not accredited. No, on a scale of A plus to F, there's a giant F on there. I know, I'm saying they might just give that because he's not accredited, but I'm pretty sure

the Better Business Bureau is like the mafia. You gotta pay them off so they'll rate your website. And then just give you an F. Let me follow up on that as a counter. If you click on Reason for Rating, it says it's based on five complaints against business failure to respond on three complaints against business it turns out he has five complaints and he hasn't responded to any of them so that's why he's rated no none of

the complaints are mine although he's now so what happened, I'm supposed to not talk about this, but what happened was he filed a lien. It's called a mechanics lien. And I say against my house, but that's kind of the end game. What it is, is it's a lien against my payment to the general contractor. So because his work was so awful, the general contractor said he's not going to pay him his full rate. So just take that piece and file it away. Now, since he didn't pay him the full rate, what he's done is he's filed a lien against my payment to the general contractor. And then they notify me, which is why I know about it.

I can't pay my general contractor, the GC, knowing that I owe Jamal money or I'll have to pay twice. I'll pay the GC and then I'll pay Jamal too. So now I have to withhold Jamal's payment until his dealings with the GC are settled. If I don't do that, they can take my house. Yeah.

So they can steal not only your primary home, but the guest home as well. And the barn. Yeah, yeah. Now, in reality, I'm not losing my house. This whole problem gets fixed with six grand. I'd do that before I lost my new home.

But in the real reality is my GC needs to get this sorted out or I'll just dock him pay that would otherwise go to Jamal. But the whole thing has been a nightmare. It's been stressful for me. And I don't know why I'm so stressed over it. Everything's going to be fine. I can handle it. The absolute worst case scenario is I get screwed out of six grand. Well, six grand solves the whole problem.

So I don't part with that easily. But it sucks. It sucks. And he said he's going to file another lien against me for $6,500. And granted, I haven't done anything wrong. The only thing I did wrong, I don't even want to say what I was about to say. The only thing I did wrong is getting started with these guys in the first place. But you know, it's not like I haven't paid. It's not like, you know, I did anything. He just came in, did awful work. They had to fire him, and he wants to get paid for work he didn't do

and stuff like that. Or work he did very poorly. I want to hear what you were going to say when you said, the only thing I did wrong. Yeah, that's the juicy part. But if you take him to court, everything you say here, it's in record. Somebody could dig it up and find it. Don't fuck yourself up.

So this is all on record? So they would keep track of all of this? Yeah. Somebody is watching this right now. So if we just spend the next 40 minutes just saying, like, fuck, cunt, shit, cunty, fuck, shit, fuck, they would have to take that into consideration. Yeah, you're right. But consider this.

At 43 minutes, Kyle said said cunty fuck face how does that respond i i think that that i don't know if you saw but i linked you you can you can view every complaint and what the complaint was in that better business bureau bureau with every single thing that they you know what they complained, what they want out of it. Like, it's pretty detailed. Like, you can read his dirty laundry right here. Yeah. Oh, look at these people.

They're all dealing with, like, $300 problems. Wouldn't that be nice? Huh. Oh. And some of them are just poor old women trying to get floors. This one's from over a year ago. He took our $2,300 and never started the work, and we couldn't get him on his cell phone.

That's a good complaint right there. That one's solid. He robbed us. I feel like you would do something more than, like, I am going to write a letter to the Better Business Bureau comment section and somebody will get on this, I'm sure. I wonder what the process is for filing a complaint. It does say submit a customer review.

Maybe that's what this is, a customer review. But yeah, Jamal's doing... He was doing awful work. Now he's just doing awful things. God damn it, Jamal's doing... He was doing awful work. Now he's just doing awful things. God damn it, Jamal. It's stressing out me. Jamal's getting out of control. He never did get us those copies of Black Ops either.

No, he didn't. That's two strikes, Jamal. I don't know what we're talking about anymore um oh is this from like an old uh road to black ops or road to black ops yeah yeah i love doing that so much it's it's fascinating when i when i tell people who have who know nothing about gaming i i i preface the story with this i say so basically basically uh youtube videos, YouTube gaming videos that are uploaded before the game comes out are very precious because they're unique and they're like a diamond in the desert. Afterwards you're just another grain of sand in the desert.

You're just mixing in like that. So they're very valuable. So that means the game is very valuable. Even thousands of dollars some might part with just to get the things say two weeks early it'd be a huge head up and especially heads up and especially like during that time period when when black ops was coming out call of duty on youtube was massive so we would offer these people a thousand dollars i once offered a guy five thousand dollars and we put and we had like three grand on us.

To add to that, my mindset wasn't usually uploading early like Kyle mentioned, but I wanted to be an expert on release day. If I can give you the lowdown on classes and killstreaks and stuff like that, I feel like people care less now. But you go back three years, hitting the ground running, they're like, this is the year my kd is going to be over three you know and then they would get their classes and their kill streaks and how you know where lines of sight stuff like that if you were an expert in the game because you had two weeks on everybody else that mattered so carry on yeah yeah that's one strategy another one is to on the first week that black ops released to release modern warfare 3 the same gameplay I uploaded before there's another strategy it's a whole one it's a bowl how did that play out for you uh unsuccessful well no that's why my channel is dead phenomenal laziness oh shit yeah yeah not a good approach so uh i

thought it was your 1v1 loss to socrates that was the real downfall to wrap up the home thing dude i was thinking about it today so in the process of this building i gained 13 pounds now it's noteworthy oh my god yeah i lost five away now i don't talk about numbers it's partly stress eating and it what it really is to me is the restaurant food like i'm on site all the time i go out for lunch every day and and uh yeah so i've lost five so now i've gained eight. But whatever. Down five. Let's talk about the trend and not where we started from. And so it's like my health, my money, and my time. This is what this thing has cost me and lots of it. So where do you gain weight first, Woody?

Because your face looks very similar to how you've ever been. I'm just fueling the people who like to talk bad about me. I gain it on my belly, but it's a long time before it shows, right? Because I kind of like shoulders and a chest and whatever, and it doesn't stick out too much. To me, where it shows shows is under my neck. You get that old man turkey thing going on. I'm looking at myself. I look okay right now, but if you were to catch me like in

a recliner and i'm doing this thing it's awful so uh this is the area that that i get self-conscious about and but probably if there were like if you to weigh it it'd be somewhere around my midsection love handles some thighs little loves love handle action on the thighs maybe i don't know that's not the spot to get on his thighs quickly gets absorbed by his calves they siphon the energy away if it builds on my thighs i don't notice it or care but um but this is the part i feel like where my my look changes so uh but yeah so now i'm up eight down five that's the trend so trend. It is what it is. You got to watch out, man. You only got like five years left of your life.

I know, right? This isn't doing you any favors. Dude, I have to leave a good-looking corpse, and the finish line is coming. You know, you guys, you got forever. You could go up and down. It doesn't matter. Yeah, Woody's 20 miles into a marathon here.

Let's be empathetic. My parents are like Jackie's not comfortable with how morbid they are, but it's that they're comfortable with their morbidity that's kind of weird. Like I think they've targeted about 70, 73 as their death date, and they're like 65 66 I think they're 66 and 6 65 and 7 I think that's right are they healthy that's a real low ball on that on that lifespan kind of thing no 70 70 to 73 um my father has something I don't know if you want me to share this but hey dad dad, uh, my father has something called like Wagner's disease. I'd never heard of it before, but, um, he used to commute from Florida to New Jersey

and just taking all those flights, like became a really big deal. The cure, there's no cure, but the, like the way they get the symptoms to go back is steroids, which in itself has his own problems. And, um, and he had a really hard time. I guess he had to get to Medicare or something, or maybe Obamacare helped, I don't know. But getting insurance, like no insurance would cover him. What kind of steroids?

Like prednisone or like anabolic steroids? I'm not sure, actually. Like, does he need to get pumped up? Like, will that fix Wagons? Or is it like prednisone? I can tell you it made him puffy. I don't know. It's prednis, like, prednisone? I can tell you it made him puffy. I don't know. It's prednisone.

So prednisone helps with inflammation. That stuff's awful. No, the steroids made him puffy. He looks visibly different when he's on them. Yeah. That's because it's all steroids, though, right? Oh, is it? Because I've been on, like, little steroids before, like, for knee injuries and stuff.

And, like, it had no impact on me. Like, I don't even know that they did anything. Maybe it was a placebo. And, like, it had no impact on me. Like, I don't even know that they did anything. Maybe it was a placebo. When my father was on his roids, it was like, whoa. Like, he got all puffy, tons of water weight added to it. I don't know if that helps. Someone out there probably knows the symptom.

Prednisone's awful if you're taking a lot of it for a long period of time. It really fucks you up. That was his situation. He took a lot, if it was prednisone. But I know i know he took like a serious dose and it took a long time and then isn't just the base nature of steroids that you're going to gain a lot of water weight like you're gonna immediately get puffy i don't know about that i think of it in the ufc fighters and that doesn't seem to happen to them but i'm not sure like that's why they use them pretty often? More often than they should, yeah. And not Joe, though, just to be clear.

I often wonder how the whole landscape of his weight division would be different if no one did roids, because he doesn't. He doesn't do roids. He barely does ibuprofen, no caffeine, no drinking. He's wicked clean. Very he's very very very very boring um yeah but where was i hit it oh and then my mother she um she has some like severely reduced lung capacity and she had brain surgery and like some sort of like gigantic abdominal surgery and

um so yeah to think that they would bust through the averages if you're just being like cold about it well no they can't afford good medical care so that's a step in their favor um i feel like with the advances in modern medicine like oh everyone's lifespan is you know expanding just even in their age group i feel like i feel like people just keep going and going but it's like like they just casually talk about like aging and death like all right you know we're gonna go to israel like 67 now really gotta get going this year because i probably won't be as mobile at 69 it's just like that sounds maybe like That's a thing. That sounds really dismal to have to plan your vacations

around death. Like, alright, we'll go to Israel between 67 and 68. We gotta make sure we save enough to pay for the house and the garden. And then maybe 69 we'll go to Greece. Something like that. Maybe not you, silly. You might not make it.

Not without cholesterol. My mother planned her funeral out down to every little bit of it. She had already picked out the grave plot, bought the gravestone, the whole thing. She was ready to go. But is that not nice? Then you relieve your family of having to do all that shit? Totally. It's kind totally morbid was it was you know we went we had the services afterwards they gave me a box that was my grandma

and we were done that was it you ever has anyone here ever held a cremated person yeah not in a box my father are well at first we were going to bury it so like the ashes were getting buried so they were like in this like I don't know this this box I'll fold it up anyway where you didn't have like a vase or anything for like an urn Maybe someone else put them Remains and bag them or was wasn't it like a leaky cardboard box Grandma all over the car. Jesus.

Oh, Jesus, grandma. Even in death. Like dust in the car seats. You're batting it out. It flutters in the air. I'm sorry. Carry on, Kyle. Did you have like a Ziploc bag?

This is how she wanted to be spread through the wind. They put that in a plastic bag and they put that inside of a cardboard box and they gave that to me. I don't know. Maybe someone else put that inside an urn or a vase or something like that and then buried that in the hole i don't really see why it would matter i think that did anything here's what now when you have cremated like i saw i looked in the urn and all i saw were ashes right and they were like homogeneous kind of like you know just ashes if you were to like dig there'd be like femurs and stuff in there no no no you know that half their job is to they have to like sift out like the gold

fillings and like the nipple rings like that dick ring that nobody knew you had and like yeah like the dude has to i know i got one right here it's Just don't tell anybody. I'm pretty sure the dude has to sift out all the solid remains so you don't have a fever. I don't think much is left over. I think that it literally reduces you to ashes. No, I know. He's saying the metal parts.

So you're sifting out wedding rings. If someone had a Pilgrim Albert or a Jacob's Ladder on their dick, you're sifting those out. Oh oh i wonder how much action this guy let's sell this like you know that that's all you're getting do they take it out before or after i wouldn't want to be the guy who found out i don't even know what jacob's ladder is but you know there's some sick aftermarket for used jacob's ladders like no what what don't google that what's wrong with you what why would i google something like this for you i just wanted to discuss how heavy the ashes were and everyone else had the same amount because my fear is that they just scoop

up a you know about this but kyle here's another thing is that with the weight of the ashes there was also a case like a article i saw online where they tried to cremate a morbidly obese woman. Maybe you were even the one who told me about this, where her fat was so much that it ignited as a source of fuel. Thousands, hundreds of thousands of whoppers and chicken nuggets congealed into energy over the years, lit aflame at once. And it burned the mortuary or whatever you call it down. Burned it down because she was so goddamn fat.

With the brightness of a thousand suns. Exactly. People were shielding their eyes. It was like a fucking potassium fire. I think you told me about that. eyes it was like a fucking potassium fire you know what makes me so uncomfortable i feel like whenever we talk about a person of unusual size without even mentioning his name it it feels like we're talking about wings of redemption directly and we're not we're talking about some woman who apparently loved chicken nuggets that's the story but i just likes chicken nuggets no we're it's not a dig at wings every

time we make fun of a fat person it's just it's just a dig at the person who got melted and caught on fire and all that's like a whole new level of of being that fat like you burned out like holy shit imagine three tuckers worth of lard and flammable fat and that's what this person was carrying it would be more than that tucker what do you weigh currently i am 150 a cool 150 150 450 it might be it might be three tuckers worth of fat with another tucker in the middle And is also a mo Tucker is How do you cremate like one of those like a thousand pound people? I don't think those people get cremated I think that they know so no I got another business idea. I could totally hang like I've got enough land for something like this We could build it. What is it called a pyre? What is it called?

I've got enough land for something like this. We could build a, what is it called, a pyre? What is it called? A crematorium? No, you're thinking indoors. I can handle any beast, right? We'll give her the chrono, or the chrono. Who's the guy from Game of Thrones that burnt?

Which one? Are you thinking of Daenerys? The dragon lord. Daenerys is the girl, her husband. Oh. Khal Drogo. We'll give him the Khaldrogo treatment. We'll make a big pyre. I've got scrap wood enough to do it right now. If anyone out there

needs to be burnt, call me. New Burning Man. Let's just start the other Burning Man. Instead of we go into the desert and get high on drugs, you just burn really fat people who are already dead? I don't... Sounds like a horrible idea. Don't even have to be dead. Just any comers.

Take all comers. One of the problems with being super obese is what to do with the body afterwards. And I know that they make special giant caskets. I know that that's a thing. And as far as the hole, I mean, a hole is one of those things that, you know, if it needs to be bigger, you just make it bigger. It's a thing. And as far as the hole, I mean, a hole is one of those things that, you know,

if it needs to be bigger, you just make it bigger. It's a hole. So that's not really. The car? There's no way to, like, fancily dress up like a semi-truck as a funeral. Oh, no. That's the thing, too. Yeah, yeah, the hearse.

Yeah, that's what I meant. One of the problems is those big caskets I don't think fit into most standard hearses, so they'll have to put them on like a, not a dump truck, but like a rollback or something like that. No, don't renege on that. They should be put in a dump truck. A dump truck and driven to their place of burial. And then all their friends and family have to stand there and go, this fat fuck had to come here

in a dump truck. And then everyone would feel uncomfortable and it would be a warning against behavior that would make you get that fat. I don't know. Eric drives a dump truck, too. I don't think anybody would be offended. No, they'd be offended. You'd see it as

a warning. You'd say, do I want to come to my own funeral in a dump truck? Fuck no, because that's embarrassing. What's a dump truck? Is that the one that carries dirt? As you're saying this, I pictured a garbage truck, but I don't think that's what we mean. I'm thinking the one that has to, like, from the back. The trash? No, I was thinking the one where when they got you to your site, it would have to have a solid 30 seconds of... And then get you out of there.

And then eventually the weight of the casket would bust that door open and it would go into the hole. Yeah, it slides into the hole. Or it doesn't make it into the hole because there's a thousand pound person in it and everybody goes oh gross at the sight of it bursting out anyway we focused on this for far too long yeah wow that was awful if you are that obese help. Don't end up in a dump truck. I told you they put you on a flatbed. Look at this link.

No, but you don't even need that much help. No, no, no, this one. No, that's just for my own personal... Yeah, this one looks way... All right, first off, their title is Solving the Problems with a looping, like, JPEG image. Yeah, so this guy... Oh, my. Slim down to 867. Okay, it's time to share let's let's go over

here yeah that's exactly what i thought they would do that's that's perfect oh it's not it's like exactly what you think except it's a tarp this person same age as me 42 42, died. Well, it's a grim reminder. Alright, his name was Manuel Mimi, or Meme, I'm not sure. Oh, I know this guy. The guy from Mexico City? You do know him? You personally know him?

Manuel. Every once in a while. He couldn't do much. Terrible terrible laser tag and put five vests on him so he played for three teams oh god oh god he had lost 550 pounds or something like that before he died. Yeah, at one point he was over 1,200 pounds. Oh, my God. He lost a whole morbidly obese person and was still that fat? He had slimmed down to a...

867. 867 pounds when he died. Break out the summer gear. Like, what? Like, what? Is there a food out there that you could reasonably eat to the point where you would be over half a ton? I'm scared because this is all coming to me. It's got a soda.

It's got a soda. You're going to be like, Woody, I'm disappointed in you. Taylor's the one saying it all. I can't help it if it's funny. Right. You're slaying me, Merkle. Yeah, Taylor, this is really mean. Unsub Woody. Yeah, Woody's the one who told me to do this before the show.

Don't believe me. I'm innocent. You gotta hit the fatties hard this show, Taylor. Hard. Stop holding back. All right. That did not happen. The shape of the casket is interesting to me.

It's not casket shaped. It's like a hot tub shape. It looks like what you would ship a zoo animal in. If a tiger came out of that, I'd be like oh, okay. It looks to be the size of a big fat fuck. It's like when you're watching Madagascarar they're all getting shipped to madagascar

those big those big cargo containers and that's what it is with a tarp over top what is he eating can you see down and below the flatbed it's not fruit i don't know what it is it doesn't look that bad now in the foreground there's something that looks fried and rough, but on the plate... Well, there's a Coke there. It looks like scallions, biscuits. I just wanted to talk about my grandma's ashes. It's one of my objections to... Whenever I see a really, really heavy person, they're like, this is my diet. And then, you know, they proceed to display like half an apple with some raisins next to it.

And it's like, no way. No way. You know, like, you're not just unlucky in genetics. You are wolfing down large amounts of food. Yeah. Oh, well, if that's what you're eating, you need to get to fucking CERN post-haste because you've defied physics. Your body is metabolizing energy differently than any engine that has ever existed on this planet ever get there quickly literally cold fusion

it's amazing oh do you see though he's got this is cute he's got wedding photos they're wheeling off his bed on a flatbread bed truck they just got like bed sheets i know that's not cute, Tucker? It's because people don't laugh hysterically at people's expense when something is cute. I just processed the fact that the bed is on rollers on a flatbed truck. That's what I'm saying. It's like your car gets towed on one of these. His foot is inexplicably...

Like there's somebody else's foot or it's detached or something it looks like it was baked into that shoe like a big loaf of bread kyle stop pulling your mic away i'll be right back kyle's peed himself oh you know the top comment is interesting to me. If he's bed bound, he had to have enablers, right? What a pity they didn't practice tough love. That's what the top comment is.

That's not a, yeah, you're right. Yeah, there's, I mean, he clearly was, someone was funneling him 6,000 calories a day. Oh, probably more than that that's it that's all i made that no no if you do that consistently if you eat 6 000 calories and do nothing consistently i'm sure you could get there it just wouldn't take you two years i don't take it i don't even think you could get there because like the way it works is like if you ate 6 000 calories and did nothing like let's say you hit 600 pounds. But then your maintenance weight requires 6,000 pounds.

Is it ever that high, though? I have no idea. Because that's like Olympic training. Yeah, around 2,000 is what normal people want to eat, right? Kyle looked into this. The maintenance gets really high. I don't know what the numbers are, but when he gets back, I bet he does. Yeah. I need hard data.

They get over four. I know that. That's... Just to maintain a good four, 600 pounds. That's pretty shocking to me. Honestly, I mean, I always thought... I mean, I guess it makes sense. You gotta pump blood and shit to all that excess... Yeah.

Everything. I mean, like, it's not even just fat you just you're just like a large as fuck i don't know it also is just fat have you seen those cross sections of people like normal people next to like a morbidly obese person it's just like your internals yeah it's crazy to see like the the skeleton is like identical between the two people this is and then there's a huge a huge amount of adipose tissue which is fat around the excess and then you can even see into like the internal organs and like they've got a fatty liver and the normal person's liver looks a little purplish and then they've got fatty intestines if that's even possible i don't even know but i don't know what all the organs are is this what you're describing uh let me oh that's even possible. I don't even know, but I don't know what all the organs are. Is this what you're describing?

Let me look. Yeah, that's awesome. He sent it in Skype just right now. That's exactly what I thought you were talking about. Like, you can see the general body itself has, like, the same, like, the arms and shit have the same, like, width, but the internals are way, like, just fattier. Yeah, you can see the heart it's all extended you what the fuck are all those black dots in this you don't want to know cancer that's what cancer i think it might be gas it's probably i don't know if it's gas or they're fat so it could be licorice let me explain my theory look at her lungs uh or just empty space you know like it doesn't necessarily

mean i read it was gas online so i don't know if there's a more authoritative source than reddit comments i'll believe it well look at the fat in the brain look at that the 120 person doesn't have any fat around their occipital or frontal lobe. Yeah. Whatever that is. And if you think, like, if you take a really heavy person, there's a different hat size there. You know, they're... The back of the head definitely, like, flows out.

Yeah. Yeah. It's crazy how the human body itself can withhold all of that. body itself can withhold all of that. Like, the fact that this person is not only able to lay down and continue to breathe with hundreds of pounds on them. Like, you know, I have trouble breathing when my dog lays on me, let alone, like, I am 150 pounds of fat over each lung. And, like, the fact that they can sit up and, like, their spine doesn't just crumple, that's

crazy. And sex is a thing that pops into my head you know from time to time but of course it does what do you wrap scallion you know you do that it's like imagine having sex tucker with two people in between you and your partner right two people made entirely of fat right and you're trying you're trying you're trying to skip those two and hit the bottom target yeah if you're laying like if you're just doing that missionary like you have to get something else working like you got to be laying back and push whatever excess is up because you can't just do the missionary where you're on top

or else you're right. Exactly. You need a 32-inch penis. You need some sort of gunt removal or lifting device. I imagine missionary, when you're really heavy, is more like her on the bed, him standing upright like a T thing. Yeah. Welcome back, Kyle.

How do you have sex when you're 500 pounds? Each. Each. How do you make contact? Because I've looked at Kim Kardashian's ass and full disclosure thought to myself, there's no way you're going balls deep in that. It's not as big as it looks and it's not as firm as it looks. So don't imagine her ass as like a basketball.

Imagine it more like a bag of fluff. Like you're going to hit that thing with the fronts of your thighs. Oh, and it's going to compress that. And your pubic hair region. And it's really going to – there's a lot of compression there. There's going to be a lot of give is what you're saying. Yeah, I don't think anyone besides – Kanye and various video partners. Yeah, Ray J seemed to be able to hit it pretty good.

But he seemed to have an enormous penis. That was big to you? It just kept going. It's the internet. We all have giant cocks. She's got the Thai Cob bat grip on the thing like i still haven't seen that video why oh you're missing out it's a millions of views on porn i haven't seen it i just know of it but i'm not interested in it very much so porn hub occasionally

tweets kanye telling him that you know about the video and it seems mean to me no that's hilarious because it plays right into the persona that he's trying to make i really don't think kanye is as dumb as people make him out to be he knows when he's doing these things that it's a publicity stunt he knows a hundred percent he's a smart marketer and that's what this is but he's a smart marketer and that's what this is but he's a smart marketer that's it but still you know whether you're a public personality or not things can hurt your feelings and this is his wife we're talking about and oh yeah it definitely hurts his feelings but like all the nonsense of him doing enormous amount of money from that video

still does she how does it make money if it's free on the internet they sell the dvd when you're kanye and kim i imagine the revenue from that video isn't like no hang on if she heard it the other day remove it really wait no no no wait wait all right i do want to hear how much it's making because that is a number i'd love to know but isn't she wasn't she making a million dollars a day on her shitty Ass mobile game at one point. I'm pretty sure she was she doesn't need sex sex video I will say that if you want to say two million a year. I'm gonna be like well She earns 29 million a year. I bet she'd rather have 27 with no tape

No, but that's just that makes it seem like she could get that 27 without the tape the tape was like a big reason why it was the launching pad but yeah you know i mean that's you can't really i mean now we're just doing if ands but i mean someone did it speaking of if and someone like took the whole kardashian thing and boiled it down to one play in football like there was a particular play that made oj move up in the draft get the heisman and then yes in the draft and then go to the bills and then get famous and then kill his wife and then the kardashian's father got hired and then kim went public and then kim did the sex tape and the reason we have kanye kim right now was narrowed down to this play in OJ's college career.

I want that. It says she got paid $5 million for the distributing rights from Vivid. But it says she's worth $35 million now. But this could be an older article. I can see. I don't think no matter how rich you get, barring Warren Buffett, $5 million is not money that people are going to scoff at. Here's a number you might want to hear.

The Kardashian family pulled in a whopping $65 million in 2010, and it all began with Kim's sex tape. Is she being taken advantage of? Blah, blah, blah, blah. And it's just this long article is she being taken advantage of for 65 million a year um do you want to know how much money her game made and how much money yeah totally so her game which is kim kardashian does hollywood which i'm pretty sure you just go around sucking dick. It made $200 million in revenue, and this is as of July 2014.

So this article is out of date. She herself owns 45% of net profits, making $85 million off of her mobile game. That is how much money she made off of her mobile. 40% of 200 is 85? 45% of 200 is. We didn't do200 is $85? 45% of $200 is. We didn't do expenses, though, right? You said net profit. Only $10 million

in expenses, it says. This is from Forbes. This is from Forbes, so we're not talking like... Hard and fast facts, yeah. You know what? That makes me respect her more. Really? Why? Oh, absolutely. absolutely because she programmed the

game like she's like put in hard hours coding she's like doing hard work and like making storyboards for the no no Kyle Kyle so she's a guy just because she's a woman she can't program that way you're saying she pointed at one guy and said hey find a guy who can find a guy who can make me a game. And that was it. No, I know. But at least she's making money off of it. She's not trying to delve it away and hide it.

She's making money off of it and embracing the fact that she's kind of no slut. I have no problem with her making any amount of money. I really don't care how much money she makes. I have no problem with her making any amount of money. I really don't care how much money she makes. But what bothers me is I feel like there are people who legitimately think of her as some sort of role model or something like that. Or at least her lifestyle is something that they'd like to emulate or like to attain. And that's kind of annoying because, I don't know she seems like a really shallow horrible person you know so i don't i don't know her really like obviously none of us know her

really oh you haven't met her you've only had brief conversations you don't know me and taylor are tight with her i've never seen her show she was over here earlier i'm not even sure what a show is called it's like living with the kardashians keeping up keeping up yeah yeah so i've never seen her show she was over here earlier i'm not even sure what a show is called it's like living with the kardashians keeping up keeping up yeah yeah so i've never seen her show it's not on netflix and i don't download it or anything i have seen it okay i've never seen the show um and i feel like that's why i know her even less than other people but i feel like i know what she does you know in terms of like keeping relevant by connecting with people and uh because someone on someone on reddit read a comment was talking about why their wife likes her and they're just

interested they want to know what's up they're like hey i like kim i wonder what kim's doing today and they you know you keep up with the kardashians you watch their show you see it you can relate to them they might be what you would be like if you were to suddenly get rich and famous. There's a lot of people who say she has no talent or her only talent is sucking dick. And in my head, I'm like, no, man, she's staying relevant, but she's staying relevant by connecting with a gigantic audience. And there's a talent in that itself. If I take a microphone and a camera and I go up to Taylor's mom, I would guess she's gonna go no No, no, no. No. No, I don't want to do this. You know today

She won't have something clever and endearing and connecting to say Probably maybe she does. I don't know. She's Taylor's mom, but um Most people don't most people you put a camera on him. They freeze. They've got nothing interesting, etc Even if you give him a script suddenly they become stuttering um imbeciles you know they just can't say they can't string 14 words together on camera in a row without umming and ahhing because it has that effect on them all the kardashians are not built that way they are to me what a lot of top youtubers are you know like ah i like this guy i wonder what he's doing today kim's been doing that for a decade and that's pretty impressive a decade i made that how long has she been famous when did she suck it might be a decade 2006 kyle said so nine years 2000 okay so damn near a decade

all right yeah i mean how many youtubers lasted a decade? Very few. Because didn't they just have their 10-year anniversary last year? YouTube came about in 2005. So unless you started in 2005, you're not having your decade reunion. I know I'm not. But, yeah. Anyway, so I feel like she's got something going on that no one else is doing. You know, even Paris Hilton. Well, Paris Hilton probably decided to bow out.

Has she bowed out? I know you're like 700 years old, so you're not like into the EDM music scene, but she's trying to, or she has been trying to be a DJ. She wants to DJ at clubs, so she's been being booked for like a million dollars in Las Vegas and like Ibiza and all these places for a million. Like this is not a joke. And she doesn't know what she's doing. Ibiza, my old stomping grounds.

Yeah. When it was Constantinople. Just put your hoodie over there and they'll get you what you need. But that's ridiculous. And EDM, that has to be the easiest genre of music to get into electronic disco music close enough

great job electronic dance music I wasn't too far you have to know that the vast majority of your audience is going to be listening to you contingent on whether or not they found ecstasy that night. That's it. That's literally it.

Tucker's not, and he knows what the scene is. I used to love going to raves. You like the scene a lot, do you, Tucker? Oh, yeah. I like the... Go ahead. No, you. God, yeah. No, I mean, I like the... That's not... Go. Go ahead. No, you. I was going to say...

God, you guys are too polite. I was going to say that that's not entirely different than the fan base that surrounds the band Phish. I don't know if anyone's familiar with that. But I've seen interviews done at a Phish concert, and everyone there is stoned on something. There's guys running around with like a nitrous bottle selling nitrous hits for a dollar like everybody like he's got a sign on and he's like running around with a big nitrous bottle filling balloons up with people giving out whippets for a dollar just fucking with people yeah he's doing whippets for a dollar everybody's doing acid and that's

hugely profitable smoke yeah yeah right yeah i mean that's the way it is and you and your teenage entrepreneur in me was like what is the risk reward ratio of selling whippets because they come with like a scuba tank which seems to be like 1200 hits i'm guessing they're selling about okay twenty dollars in hours i'm guessing they're selling about twenty dollars worth of nitrous oxide for $4,000. That's just... Yeah. That's almost as good as Woody Craft. No, it's...

I get it. Woody, start that business up again. Again? Right, right. Again. Again. Again. I don't know what this...

That's a lot of money. Yeah. Well, I mean, that's got gotta all be used i mean and then you have all this cash in one dollar bills first off you might be a stripper but also like what do you do with that much cash if you had like five thousand dollars in cash if you're like a real dealer i'm just saying like if you're like a good drug dealer but not one smart enough to set up your own money laundering business like Like that's one of my college kids. What do you do with that money?

The perfect money laundering business for a guy like that is to actually become a male stripper. That way he could explain all the $1 bills. I seriously contemplated being a male stripper in my prime. No, you didn't. That's not even a true story that you had. What film did you see? What inkling got into your head that this, like a Chip and Dale's dancer, that'd be it.

Like me dancing for these older ladies would be cool. What made you think that? I went to a strip club with girl dancers and thought, I would love to have a sea of women treat me like this sea of men is treating her. That sounds really cool. Woody would go to these places not even interested in the dancers. He would

sit there in the corner on his laptop feverishly pounding out his resume as to how he was the one they wanted on the bar. But in the early days, I can do it notes just watching and learning give him a wink all right i like it and then it just morphs into flash dance and now i have a new movie ah it looks like cinnamon's come up with a new strategy talk to her about that just a passing

like you ever like look into like how much those guys get paid or where you can get a job doing that? If I remember right, there was a place that had a ladies' night. And I was like, aha, this is how I would do it, right? I would, like, you know, whatever. I would work the ladies' night, and that would be my thing. And I just, well, okay, here here let's do a push i don't know if i i don't know where i draw the line and seriously consider is it like almost filling out that job resume is it like is it sending in your application to a strip club that's like working

out for a couple of weeks like just that's what i'm saying yeah like were you like getting your poll game on i i was just so i was a lifeguard at the time and I'm about to do it here. This is what I look like Which is now imagine him damn woody yeah? Shredded what I gotta do is that is that what is gamer tag those are so like cute shorts Look at that you if you this is young woody you just lower those shorts like another inch and you're on hollister billboard or something like that you should show this picture in court and be like look what i was like before jamal yeah um i thought i was fat at the time it was one of the things holding me back i'm like i don't know if I'm fit enough to be a guy stripper but clearly I like I the me of

today is like no I'm right in the ballpark there that's what a guy stripper should look like ish five pounds or I think cocoa butter would be all I just have a little cocoa I don't know i say five pounds and some cocoa butter you don't even need to rake in it in just getting somebody to get some of that makeup do a little shadowing in your abdomen region you're coming out looking cut i hear you some olive oil on there you don't need cocoa butter you're not black just a couple sit-ups i think and those abs will come out just fine i like cocoa butter when i work out after I put it on, I smell like chocolate. I don't like that smell. I don't either. It smells like a bastardized chocolate. It's not real,

and I don't like it. Yeah, it smells like that cheap... Remember those coloring books? Like kids' books, they had the scratch and sniff? It's that chocolate. It's like the fucking markers that all... The only marker that ever smelled good was like cherry marker, and you'd be like, that's cherry. Whose idea was that? Let's get kids to sniff all, the only marker that ever smelled good was like cherry marker. And you'd be like, that's cherry. Whose idea was that? Let's get kids to sniff markers, but only our markers. It smells sort of good. Like just get the kids high.

I think it's funny seeing Woody trying to imagine our childhood toys. When it, for him as a kid, it was just like whittle something entertaining. And that was about it. I had the same markers. The marker story hits home that one hasn't changed but but yeah on the stripper thing i was dating jackie that

was the big issue it was like i knew she wouldn't go for it and the horrible young me was like huh well like what would it take to like convince her i had a night job and not tell her what the night job is or like oh honey i gotta hang out with the guys again and i'm and then i'm working the pole so what did she think of your routine i don't think i ever like did a routine for her right oh that's ridiculous oh it's a damn shame i saw um uh how i met your mother right i mean go ahead he did this thing like how i met your mother and they're like let's do this or this and and um at the end of it i think she was

supposed to do some oh take naked pictures she was supposed to take naked pictures for him and they would put them in an envelope and then they were going to share them when they're older and her envelope was empty and she's like okay i'll take naked pictures for you he's like well now because she's like 60 that's how i feel with this routine time's past baby old woody no one wants to see that you could make what if you went to one of those because they have these classes for women it it's like stripper aerobics yeah so what if you went to one of those classes? Wouldn't my motive just to be seeing stripper aerobics? No, you would have to take the classes and take them seriously. You'd have to do it.

And fulfill your life on quest. To be a stripper dancer. I see no problem with this. Like every time you went up there, like before when a chick was spinning around all sexy, you'd have to go up there and not being like, oh, that was nice. You'd have to go up there like before when like a chick was spinning around all sexy you'd have to go up there not being like oh that was nice you'd have to go up there like i wish i could put you on the main screen i really think i could pull that off no you just have to i think i can work the pole i really think i could work the pole even now i don't know man uh i used to hang out with a girl who took just pole dancing and did pole

dancing as like a legitimate she enjoyed the exercise because you get it's a fun girl you get fit yeah she was not single you get fit as fuck and she would come back she looked like she was beaten her legs would be bruised and her arms would be bruised because like you're swinging around a pole all night so she was not you know she looked be bruised and her arms would be bruised because you're swinging around a pole all night. She was not... She looked like her boyfriend beat her. It was kind of awkward. Wait a minute. Therein lies

the solution if you need to beat your girlfriend, make her take pole dancing classes. Sweet. Perfect cover. Then just punch her on the inside of the thighs. Very tactical punches. I lost my whole train of thought. Tactical thigh punches. Do we need a new topic?

Weren't you saying that... Oh, you guys have topics, don't you? Run with it, Tucker. Go for it. I was going to say, didn't you guys last time I was here I watched I watched a a an unassuming Asian chick snort semen oh my god so you hated that video I I can't think of a single internet video that I hate more than that it may have me uncomfortable. It made me empathetic. Empathetic is what gets me. You can clearly see she was not having fun with

this was a paycheck and no more. That's an Asian thing. No, that's a Japanese thing. I don't want to revisit it. I saw, it was that meme that it's Fry from Futurama and he's got the squinty eyes. He's like, start watching Japanese porn. Not sure if girl is enjoying herself or being raped.

You never are. That's just part of their porn. So it didn't bother me so much. That's not a part that I want in there. I want it in there. I want a clear cut. every porno should start off with would you like to have consensual sex yes hi yeah I want her to be given as good as she's getting yeah that's that's hot to me that's what you want to

go with yeah given well she was she was giving as good as she was getting when she was snorting that cum out of that bedpan. She was not giving anything but profound vibes of empathetic feeling and sadness. I would love to know how much she got paid to do that. You know what the answer

is though? Not enough. Yeah, 30 packs of Top Ramen. That's literally $10. And it wasn't even beef. She can get that from her third job. She doesn't need to pay for that. Oh my god, that's true. So where I was going with this is you said you had a website

with supposedly the worst videos compiled on the internet. Somebody's job is to compile these. That's the same one. If people want to watch this along with us, it is runtheg gauntlet.org the um i can't show you the videos i'm sure that's like begging for a strike but i can show you the home page yeah we can't watch these videos with them on youtube but unlike the whatever it picks of dead chicks or whatever it was two weeks ago that you guys put out i will look at these because I did not look

at those. You really had a website called Pics of Dead Chicks. It was a subreddit. And it was cute female corpses I think. Oh my god! We're 220 something episodes into this thing and I think I've missed

maybe 30 or 40 or something like that. It's a it's a pretty dirty show and we get exposed to some pretty horrible things but nothing has ever jolted me as much as that horrible subreddit that you subjected us to those dead women and they're like split open faces and they're like fucked up vaginas and like their heads smushed under cars, and arms cut off. It was awful. That didn't bother me that much.

No, that bothers me. Yeah, not me. It bothered me too. I've watched a lot of fucked up shit with Kyle. I didn't look at it, but seeing his face and Woody's face, mainly Kyle's, when they were looking at it,

and seeing how upset Kyle was and how much his heart was aching. Like, it was, it showed, yeah, I see you right there. It really, it was upsetting to him and I know that something that upsets Kyle to that magnitude is fucked up because he doesn't give a shit.

The women that were less damage bothered me more. The ones that had sorrowful looks on their faces. If their head was split up to the point where they were just kind of meat from a blender, I was like, ah, whatevs. But when they were like, in their death frozen,

all of that is fine. You're not... My thing, I've seen three guys, one hammer, okay? Like, that's- I haven't seen that, that sucks. I have. I have seen that. There's something about, like, witnessing somebody just get killed. That screwdriver looked so painful. Stop! Yeah, and there's just something that's haunting about that.

It's these three, like, Eastern European motherfuckers. Ukrainians. Ukrainians or fucking something like that. And they just, like, got this guy in some wooded area. I think it was, like, maybe an older homeless guy or something. It was right off the street. They parked their car on the side of the street. I remember they could, like, it was, like, right there.

I want to wait till Woody gets back to, like, exactly what it what they did yeah all right so these three teenage guys got this guy in like a wooded area and proceeded to film themselves like murdering yeah Russian very ineffectively like Russian these drivers and cameras you like any anything they could do there's like let's hurt him some more and seems like they like we're like yeah guys out and stuff it was off you could yeah you could hear him breathe it was it that video fucked i saw that when i was like 14 that video fucked me up actually they were really bad at killing people i was uh really was a little emotionally wounded after seeing that one now

i will say i wasn't the internet vet that i am today i i still would not like to see that that was quite horrible. And I couldn't understand why they would want to hurt the person. No, there was no intent. There was no motive. I can't understand that at all. Even if I had to defend myself and take someone's life, even then I wouldn't

want it to hurt. So the idea of torturing someone or inflicting pain like that is just disgusting. They just were so callous about it like they were enjoying it they were this was they were getting their kicks it was just awful it was a different breed of that was that was what that's part of why videos like that i think are so disturbing is because you're like what oh shit so there are like people out there who are like that, and I coexist with them on some level. That guy could have hit me over the head with a hammer and pulled me and done that.

It's a one-in-a-million shot, but we prepare for tons of one-in-a-million shots every day with things like car insurance. It's just further bolstering the realization that there are people out there like that, and that's disturbing in and of itself that's why whenever I get ready to go out that's why whenever I get ready to go out

it's like that scene from Taxi Driver where De Niro's strapping the knife to his boot and putting guns in his pockets and he's got that one thing that makes the gun come out of his sleeve into his hand you just gotta be prepared. That Assassin's Creed thing.

That thing is so sick. He's like, and the pistol's just in his hand. I watched Taxi Driver last week. That's a classic. It is. That aside, I can watch a girl snort cum and be like, oh, that's gross. And be like, it bothers me. But hey, ask her if she wants to watch a girl snort cum.

Totally. No, she's not wired for that i think she asked she wants to see your script because i think that and the next time i have her ear in some manner i'm going to i'm going to call you out for that and i because i think that she would be interested in seeing it i agree i agree as well i mean woody how do you think you're going to react to some of these fucked up videos? Like, do you think you're so jaded? Alright, time out. So, it depends on what brand of fucked up we're talking about.

If it's something disgusting, like someone snorting shit, that's not going to affect me. If it's something horrible, like someone split in half because a car just hit them and like their guts and entrails are hanging out and they're still wiggling in pain like at the end of alien uh yeah if that's happening that's gonna bother me if it's like children like you know being murdered or being like having their hands chopped off in the congo that's gonna bother me a

lot but if it's like someone who just got hit by a train probably not so much so it really depends on what brand of fucked up we're talking about i hope it's not like self-mutilation or anything like that i don't like mutilation the stuff that wounds me the most is the like unrecoverable situation you know that if a mother loses a child or something like that's it's like that's rough that's because you're a parent like i mean i i you're right but it not just that i don't know like the stuff that sort of sticks and doesn't go away that's yeah so according to kyle uh train incidents a-okay car incidents less than Less than... Hit or miss. We don't know.

I think train accidents are funny because it's like, how did you fuck this up? That's true. It's that enormous thing that weighs 100 tons and it goes, the whole time it's moving. What do you think of when you think of you wanted to when you think of a train you think of you think of the noise it makes because it's so fucking loud and big and it's not like these things are like whipping around through neighborhoods no no you're right it's

like getting rails you know where it's gonna end up if kyle had done that awful wah for like another 90 seconds he could read the Game of Thrones book. No, because Kyle is entirely right. It's like getting snuck up on by an ice cream truck where it's like, where is it coming from? Where is it coming from? Oh, I've known where it's been coming from for three blocks because it's a fucking ice cream truck and I want to be there.

So whenever someone gets hit by a plane, it's usually a situation of just fucking I mean, yeah, that's Survival of the fittest like you weren't you were probably not doing so great to begin with Like if you could let a train hit you a train That's just laziness. It's worse I just realized I was on the wrong website this whole time and I completely thought that this was exit like here I'm gonna link it. I was on an Irish biking website for the gauntlet Would you not think this is some shitty like click like we're about to watch somebody get killed it is black with blood for

Decoration so I'll give you a little slack on that. Oh decoration so i'll give you a little slack on that oh i can't run the gauntlet yeah but then i looked at the fucking advertisements i'm like wow irishfit.com advertises on a morbid site like this it's insane all right well let's get the somebody link the real link uh okay it's it's up at 8 24 in the skype chat or maybe 5 24 for you do you want it relinked uh well i don't have that i can hook you oh I've got it I'm not there that early it's a dot org thank God oh shit care to read it to us Tucker yeah so I let me go let me go to

the actual website because I clicked through to it and the first video that queues up is arm break after two chicks arm wrestles, I hate... I hope it's not randomized because I really want to watch the same vid. Yeah, let's just do it. Should we begin our journey?

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it towards gamers and uh i don't mean to go on and on yeah you wouldn't give creatine to gamers it turns out like the creatine's only in certain flavors because it actually has a strong taste and only certain, like the berry, and I'm making this up, the lime or something, can overpower the creatine. But if you tried to mix it with raspberry, again, I'm making this up, it doesn't taste right. It's pretty neat to talk to them

because they really know their business. Fruit punch is good. Oh, cool. So anyway, champs, 40% off. Just saying. All right, let's watch somebody get fucked up all right just double checking make sure i'm not sharing this stuff so i'm hovering over this green button all right no it is not random i don't think you got it the same thing twice yeah i just keep clicking should i click on the begin my journey or let's get my journey that's what i did at the same okay i

just began my journey all right and i saw are you guys all on the arm wrestling break yeah so i just accidentally watched it and it's it's not great but but it's not mine didn't auto play you have to click it let's let's this up, though. That's the goal. I already... I can't stop it. Yeah, you can. Okay, yeah, yeah. You can't stop it. Yeah, you can. You just click it repeatedly. Oh, if you click it, it restarts it.

All right, I'm... All right, there is a lady for all our car listeners with some sunglasses on. Oh, if you click it, it restarts. We need to sync up. We need to sync up. I'm not feeling good about it.

Everyone ran ahead. I totally want to sync up on the green button. No, actually not. Once it ends. Woody, you just say ready, set, go, and we'll all click it at that time so it restarts for all of us. Once it ends, we can click on the next one. So I want you on beginner level one, the arm wrestle.

Okay. With the still image, right? And I'm going to say, ready, set, click. Ready? And then... And then as I say click, we'll all click in sync. Kyle, are you queued up? Is everyone queued up at the girls?

Yeah, I'm ready to go. Ready, set, click. Alright, there's a white chick with some glasses, arm wrestling a black chick. She puts on some glasses. They're holding her hair, her weave, and their arm wrestling. Looks like a lot of power is happening,

and then it snaps. Looks like it snaps above the elbow. I'm saying the elbow itself snaps. No, it snaps above the elbow. I'm saying the elbow itself snaps. The elbow itself. Yeah. Oh, no, it's above the elbow. You can see her arm. Oh, no, it's broken in the bicep. We have confirmation. Dr. Taylor came through for the initial diagnosis.

All right, everyone queue up on keep going to next level because that wasn't that bad. Now, when we go to the next level, it'll probably be paused again, right? And then we'll start it? Yes, it is. Of course. Okay, alright. Oh, I hate this.

Jackass paper cut. Are you guys ready? Yes. You're not running ahead, are you? No, I've seen this scene before, and this one also bothers me. This is fun, because the listeners can do it along with us. Are you ready? Yes.

Ready, set, click. This is fun because the listeners can do it along with us. Are you ready? Ready, set, click. This is the paper cuts. Oh, this is the Johnny Knox film. The web of his handout and then allows people to paper cut the webs of his hand, the webs of his hand.

It's not even entertaining? It's just awful. Let's fuck WC does it for us. It's awful. Oh, my God. Look at him heavy breathing. He's not done. He did it again.

Oh, I hate this. Are they going to do all 10 toes? This is a shitty website. This will hurt his swimming. He's losing the webbing. I don't like watching that stuff. My hands are sweaty. Wait, Woody, are you saying your hands are sweaty?

My hands are really sweaty and clammy right now. Yeah. I'm really anticipating that. Next level, baby. Next level. All right. Beginner level three. Oh, I can see what's coming. The knife.

I might have seen this one before. Okay. All right. So for those of you listening, hold on. We need to explain for the listeners and their cars and stuff. So this third level, it's four styrofoam cups laid out on a table. Under one of them, we can only presume, is a knife. And he's going to slam his hand down like a goddamn idiot on every one of these cups

and probably be impaled by the knife. I think I've seen this. He's going to spin the table, lose track of them, and then randomly pick a cup. I think that's how this is going down. He's playing Russian roulette with knives on a table. Are we ready? I'm going to say that this one won't bother me because he deserves this one. I hope he gets hit by a car right after this finishes on the way.

What if he spins the table and he's ready and then a fucking car comes up? I will say two out of three of the videos voluntary so far. Alright, ready, set, click. Alright, so this is the Russian roulette routine. Oh, he's putting his knife around. He's got the cup set on the

table now with the knife in his hand acting all slick like he knows what he's doing. He sticks it in one of them, rotates it. What a cocky dick. Get your hair fixed. He messed up mine. His hair is, he's halfway. Get your hair fixed, Warren. He messed up mine. His hair is... He's halfway through Super Saiyan.

Exactly, Tucker. All right, spin it. You don't know where it is, you fucking idiot. Stop pretending. All right, stops it. He's got his hand open, ready to accept the blade.

I hope it goes all the way through. Watch this. 55%. I hope it goes all the way through. Oh! I hope it goes all the way to the top. I hope it goes all the way to the top. OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Ben is going, ta-da. That was great. He owned that. Four of the cups there.

He didn't hit one correctly. Next up. The first one just boom. Next level. Japanese puke lesbians. Yay. This one's not beginner. It's easy now.

So we've leveled up here. Oh, we've gone from beginner to easy. All right. Ready, set, click. All right. It's two Japanese women, one of them forcing a dildo down the other's throat. They've both clearly eaten a lot of dairy.

And she vomits a lot of dairy all over the other one's face. That's unreal! The person's still vomiting. Could that be fake? Could there be a hose next to her? That has to... They put it in their mouth again. That stream was insane.

That was 10 seconds of constant vomit. And it wasn't a sputtering vomit of like... It was just a constant flow of vomit onto that person. The next one's good. I feel like she just drank a lot of milk. Oh, no. This one might bother me. All right, let's see.

This one's a winner. Easy level five. Woman stabbed in broad daylight. a lot of milk it oh no this one might bother me all right let's see this one's a winner easy level five woman stabbed in broad daylight a woman is repeatedly stabbed by an ex-lover in broad daylight i'll describe it to you let's begin ready set click all right well he looks like a no good name my god so he's got full mount on her and he looks to be stabbing her in the face and the neck and she's still alive and resisting. I mean, I've already seen like 12 stabs. He's just pokey, pokey, pokey, pokey.

And she is really bloody at this point. My god. Someone's dying in this. I don't like this. How is she not dead? There are three men surrounding the murderer casually kicking him and suggesting he stop stabbing this woman. Maybe it's in Canada.

Oh, perhaps you would like to stop, sir. I'll give you a little kick if you don't. Oh, how would you like that? Where's this crime happening? You are stabbed 47. Well, the website says UK mag, so one might guess. What is everybody doing? Oh, she's alive!

How was she able to get up? Because it takes a little while to bleed out, I guess. I can just imagine that happening in, like, Quebec, and all the guys are like, hey, you want to stop stabbing her, eh? Maybe we stop stabbing her a little bit. Excuse me? How bad do you suck at killing somebody?

He got, like, a good 20 thrust, like, full-on thrust in there. That's your problem, UK. You and your strict gun laws, you just lost your knack for killing innocent people. I don't think I would watch the next one. The next one is awful. Let me see. Kyle, did you skip ahead? Easy level 6.

Man crawls out of a burning car. Kyle, have you seen this? No, but I know what's going to happen. He's going to be melting and he's going to still be alive crawling out of that burning windshield. Let's prove it. Ready, set... Kyle, you have to watch it. Kyle, you're going to watch it, right?

Kyle, none of us want to do this. None of us want to do this. It's supposed to be on this podcast, Kyle. I want to win this. I think there's a lot left. Ready, set, click. Get a piece of your work. Oh, Jesus. No one wins this. Oh, Jesus.

All right. Some cop or some good-willing bystander just is stomping on the front of a windshield. There's smoke. Explosion just came out. This car is on fire. The windshield wipers are going. Thank God. There's a girl right over there.

You can see her. There's a person in the car. Yes, someone is alive in the car. Yeah, there's a live in the car. It looks like they're trying to crawl out right now. She's trying to crawl out, and the windshield wipers are battering her. It's per... Oh, my God. And then the guy just pulls her right off the hood onto the concrete. Luckily, the video's in 160 160p so nobody can see shit.

Yeah, thank god this is not in HD because it would be very upsetting otherwise. Yeah, that person's dead. Oh, that's the dude who crawled out! Wait, that's the dude who crawled out? That's the dude! Holy shit. It's hard to tell how bad it is, but... Well, he looks

better than I thought he would. If only he hadn't turned his windshield wipers on he'd be 10% better than that oh his hands and his arms just burned to a crisp I gotta say this one's not really bumming me out what's next all right I gotta wait damn me too go to the next level here we Look, that lady is definitely dead, unfortunately. Oh, this one. I'm not watching this. Baby is run over by a train in Moomba. I don't want to watch this.

I'll watch it because it's part of the show. Yeah, the things we do for you guys. Ready, set. It's easy. Ready, set, click. All right. There's a baby on the train. Oh, no.

That's a baby. click It's already dead just move why there's something really because in India. That's a valuable source of calories. There's nothing All right, here's my deal that one's not personal enough to get like there's not enough backstory There's just a child on the train tracks That was say that one bugged me, but it was not as bad as I thought it would be and it's okay that But that was the worst one so far I think think, for me. That one upset me more than anyone so far. Definitely. Next level. Kyle, are you still watching?

Yeah. Oh, medium. Escape artist drowns failing to escape in new trick. Well, this should be good. You guys ready? I'm looking forward to this. Okay, well, he did it to himself So it's okay Ready set click

Alright there is an escape She's only in a bathtub He or she are handcuffed He or she has their arms Handcuffed And their feet handcuffed And their arms are Like it over the asthma And so it looks like they're gonna die soon.

She can't sit up. You think that she can't sit up? Yeah, that should do it. Yeah, now just pull yourself forward. Like rock. I think here's the bad part. She's probably got her head in the deep end and it has... If she were flat it might be easier. No, you can flip yourself up if you're about to die.

If you roll your legs over and use your legs to pull yourself out of the bed. Kick off the wall. This person needs a spotter. This person needs to make sense because actually four instances where any dancer could have been forever unless she changed herself to the bottom of the back is this a chick because that's not a badass no it's a man is This is not as exciting. My question is like, this is really bothering me because of the wall. It's still going on. There are, there's been a whole minute of time that this person could save themselves.

Oh, their legs are tied. You can see their fucking legs are tied to the wall. To the wall, that's the issue. You idiot. We can only now see that their legs are tied to the wall so a lot of our escape ideas are impossible maybe a quick tip for our aspiring magicians

in the audience don't rope your feet to the wall while you're in a full bathtub handcuffed the more you know alright alright this one's fine. This is a snapping turtle.

It's a scug feeding time. I'm pretty sure. Kyle, you doing okay? Alright, ready, set, click. Alright, there's a cute little rat swimming in an aquarium. Oh, and there's

a snapping turtle is holding it underwater. Who edited this to music? And ripping it. That's a good question. You can... This is a montage of snapping turtles. Oh, wow.

They ripped a mouse in half. It is a montage. I thought I saw different... Wow, did you see that? Wow. They ripped a mouse in half. It is a montage. Jericho's right. I thought I saw a different knife. The power. Wow. Did you see that? There is a half a mouse with the bottom.

It's ripped in two, and the upper half is swimming to escape. I don't even care. That's hype. That mouse has a will to live. He has no bottom half, and he's going for it. Well, he's dead now, but that was the easiest thing I've ever seen. That will make me throw up. The next one's going to be worse. Animal ones are very easy because they don't have as much empathy.

What's happening here? Botfly larva in kitten's eye. A kitten has a botfly feeding inside its eye. Yeah, don't use the title as the exact same thing as the description. One is passive and one is active. Don't be an idiot.

Ready, set, play. Alright, there is a cat here. It looks to have a botfly larva in its eye. They have surgical clamps that they're using to remove what is probably a botfly from the cat's eye.

Yes, I inferred that as well. It should be a bot fly from the cat's eye. Yes, I inferred that as well. Yeah, so it should be a bot fly that they're removing. I don't know what that looks like. I think it's that thing that... Oh, it's a larva. It's like a cocoon. Oh! All right, well, that was bigger than I thought it would be.

Look at it move! It looks like a fat, juicy caterpillar. Look at the cat's eye now. It still looks fucked up. The cat is looking at the bot fly like, so you're what's been messing with me. Holy shit, that fit in there. That's amazing.

I can't believe that this is level 10 medium and that a baby getting killed by a train was like level 6 easy. This is a nonsense. This one is a great descriptor. A man stuck on the track spins like a top whoo between the train in the platform this one let's watch it all right okay are you playing along Kyle are you still watching this yes I am ready set play alright Kyle you described this one I'm behind I do I did

not want to watch that cat thing with the larva. Cat- Then skip the fucking cat thing, cause you're describing the next one. I can't skip it, it has to- You gotta keep us all honest. It's awful. I really don't like this. Hold on, I'm counting. This is 12, this is 15 seconds, this guy is clearly saying there's a train coming. This dude is- this is a suicide.

He doesn't appear to be trying to get out. No, this is a suicide. Wow. Oh, this is a suicide. Wow. Oh, that's like a top. That was interesting. Oh. The dude's just like, ah, fuck, I told him.

It entirely split him in half. That he was standing with his body leaned. It was really something. He was standing with his body leaned against where if you're standing on the subway platform, there's obviously the 90 degree angle where it goes into the subway pit itself.

And this guy was standing with his stomach leaned up against it like he's a hockey player leaning on the boards. And then the fucking train comes through, hits him and it spins him like a top as the description said. So this one was more honest. 8 out of 10.

Are you on level 12 yet, Kyle? It's going to be a good one. I'm watching this man spin to death right now. Okay, we'll wait for you. That's an interesting title. I'm just going to say, first off, that there's a lot of the things in the easy category that bothered me monumentally more than a guy clearly who had no wibbly. We have just gotten to the hard category. This one's a lot of the things in the easy category that bothered me monumentally more than a guy clearly who had no wibbly

we have just gotten to the hard category this one's a winner I just want to quit this guy is clearly he's not tied up he's not restrained I don't care you do want to watch this

I'm with Tucker Tucker and I are the winners in this thing I really didn't want to watch the lady gets stabbed Yeah, come on. I'm with Tucker. Tucker and I are the winners in this thing. I'll do it. I really didn't want to watch. The lady gets stabbed. This one is called Hot Iron on Penis. Use your imagination to see what it might be. And the description, just in case you couldn't derive

any meaning from the title, is a man gets a hot iron pressed onto his penis. Can we precursor that in the thumbnail there's a blonde chick holding the iron and the guy is sitting there like bracing himself. So very clearly a consensual act of a man getting his

penis ironed. Well, if there's any consolation, he's a fat piece of shit and it looks like a pretty pathetic penis to begin with. It does look like a pretty pathetic penis. It's uncircumcised, I believe. I'm not going to watch this one. I don't see this. This is the one?

I don't want to see that. Click on it and see if you get to the next one. Kyle's penis, that he's empathetic. Click it, walk away, and then come back. Click it, look away. We'll tell you when it's done. Kyle, come on, man. Ready, set, click. all right she's queued up oh she's blowing steam

there's multiple camera angles it was really short kyle it's over i watched it oh did you she just started to press on the head of his penis, and he's looking like this, and the camera's cut off. That was the easiest thing we've done yet. Let's go. Yeah, that wasn't too bad because guaranteed he paid for that. I'm actually curious about this one. Man has terrible jump off ledge. Young man attempts to clear a ledge while cliff diving into harbor

and ends up mangling his entire face. Wait, please don't play it, guys. Let's bet on what happens. It lands on a fence. That's what I'm betting at. Okay, you think fence. Woody, what are you thinking? I think he's on a dock.

I think he fails to clear a pier-type obstacle. Okay, I'm thinking that it's some sort of box. It could be a pier, box, whatever the fuck Woody was saying. He jumps off and doesn't quite make it, and it hits his head and snaps it. That, what he was saying. He jumps off and doesn't quite make it and it hits his head. And snaps it. That's what I anticipated. If you get too specific, you're more likely to lose. But I'm going to say

the surface that he's on is not properly secured to the ground. And that's why he fails to jump. I see what you're doing. Kyle, what are you thinking? He's going to destroy his fucking face off his cliff and you're going to make me watch it for some reason. You're not wrong, Kyle.

You're disappointing me. I want you to forge ahead. I don't like gore. Ready, set, click. He's standing on a box. The box was sturdy and... He is limp in the water and there's blood quickly scattering about.

There's a good Samaritan pulling him out like he's swimming to him. And he's swimming entirely in the water. Ooh, here's his face. Oh, my God. That guy is dead. There is a dead person on my screen right now. How did that happen?

Like, the width of his chin up to his hairline is missing. Just like this? How did that happen? The width of his chin up to his hairline is missing. How did that happen? Oh! So the autopsy guy is squeezing his face back together. It was like this wide. I see now it's not missing, it was just split right down the center of his face

enough for a tennis ball to slide through. How does that happen? And how does the same person get all this footage at the same time? Honestly, how did they get all of that footage? Because they had to follow him to the hospital? That was terrible. Kyle, what's the next level called? I didn't like that. The next level is called...

Ah! No! No, this is it. Old Woman's Eye Socket Teaming with Maggots, and I'm not going to watch it. I'm just not going to watch that. I'm not worried about this. She's already dead. I don't care. I don't know if she is or not.

I don't think she's dead. Oh, is she not dead? Ready, set. You guys ready? I quit. I quit. I quit. I quit.

I'm sorry. No, I got it. I got it. I got it. Ready, set, click. Oh, she's alive. You can see she's alive? I don't see that she's alive you can see she's alive i don't see that she's alive oh she's alive for sure yeah no you're right you're just 100 right so there are maggots um filling where her eyeball used to be her left eyeball and it looks like she has a couple cuts

like on her face where maggots have also infested and is is her ear gone? What the fuck? It's not like anything is gone. It's like there are pockets in her face where maggots are just living. Do you see her ear? Just solid pockets. Yeah, it doesn't look like she has an ear. Oh, thank you, doctor, for pulling the one off

that meandered its way onto her cheek. You couldn't have been more proactive there? There seem to be a few hundred in her orbital socket. Maybe the doctors are using the maggots to remove dead tissue. Yeah, it could be that. Or since it's not the Civil War. No, they still do that. I'm told they still do that in some places.

Yeah, apparently maggots are clever about only eating dead tissue. They're clever. Yeah, they only eat dead tissue. So if you put a couple maggots on them, they can more selectively move stuff than a scapel. Was she dead? No. I'm glad I did not watch that.

I want you to watch it, Tucker. No, that was not. You know those pictures? What is it? There's like an animal. Okay, I don't know if I can do this next one. We're getting into it. This is worthy of Level Hard. I don't know.

What is it? Kyle, go to this. It's called... Kyle, just stick up with us even if you're not watching. It's called Hard Level 15 Penis Drilling. A man puts a drill bit into his split open penis. No, I'm just going to go ahead and close

that website. I'm with Kyle. I just don't want to do this anymore I don't like it makes me feel real bad on the inside right right here from such a veteran what is the bombing porn site you watch motherless motherless yeah bombing porn Kyle come on man you're gonna get a bunch of comments comments on the PKA Reddit about how you're a bitch now. I don't care. That thing, that is just terrible.

All right, I'll watch it, kind of. I'll watch it if this is the final one. That's terrible. Yeah, sure, Tucker. It's the last one. Ready, set, click. Oh, so his penis is already split open. What the fuck?

He has like a vagina penis or something. Like, it's really weird. I don't know if I can see this. So, but the end of the drill bit isn't curved. No, it's not, but I don't know. What? It's not bleeding. Something's going to happen.

Something is going to happen. That was not bad. Something is gonna happen. That was not bad at all because nothing happened. Oh, that wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. He just put it in his mouth and it formed a surgically ruined penis. Like he ruined his dick. I thought it was gonna get the whole dick caught up and the dick

was gonna explode. See, that's exactly what I was thinking, Tucker. I thought that he was gonna put that thing in there and then start over enthusiastically pulling the trigger on the drill. A drill bit has cuts on the side that excavate the wood or whatever it is you're drilling out, right? And on the

front of it, it has two chisels that kind of scrape away. This had that at the top, but the part that was in his penis was just nice and smooth that's awful that wasn't really a drill bit in my opinion all right next level that's all right no one guys oh wait oh no i thought i said the line preferred i'm down to watch it's animals i don't care kyle are you with us now you just oh no no i closed the website I can't it's awful That's terrible Level 16

This is insane I don't understand how animals getting skilled Alive for fur trade Is worse than the baby crawling under a train That was the most upsetting one so far for me The baby going under the train I was able to take a step But I don't give two fucks about animals.

I cannot convey the extent to which I don't care about animals. I care about the animal, but at the same time, all these videos are so low res that I can take that step back and be like, this is not a related... I can haze myself. If I saw one of these things

in HD, like that chick getting stabbed in HD, I couldn't watch anymore. i care more about the animals if they're pets yeah that's true because it's more empathetic for a dog or cat all right animals skilled a lot skinned or fur trade ready let's watch it click all right there seems to be a chinese gentleman oh what the a few animals to death and now he's skinning them All right, there seems to be a Chinese gentleman And now he's skinning them That shit just like oh Okay, this is actually really terrible

Why don't they kill the dogs before they skin them? I don't get it. Does it keep the meat fresher somehow? Wait, what the fuck? This is just a PETA video. Oh, my God. Oh, and it's alive. Oh, that's fucked up. Okay, I don't like this. This is the face of an animal who is now a coat, a collar... I don't know who's talking to me right now. She's pretty cute, though. There's a cute girl probably talking about... Although, I will say this...

That's Olivia Munn, right? Wow. No. Yeah, that was very upsetting that was just animals being held by their ankles uh tied to some sort of wire and then cut along the top and then having their skin torn down and i know that's a thing because my grandpa owns a farm in southern missouri and he caught a raccoon once and did the same thing. He killed it first, but then he tied it from the top of the tree, grabbed the corners where he had severed the skin,

and then just tore it down. And then when my younger brother cried, he just goes, Nathan, you gotta get used to this. And then just, that was about it. Oh no! I am, you know, What is a smegma?

Smegma is a dick cheese cheese I'm down to watch this come on this is funny come on this one is called insane level 17 on runthegauntlet.org are you fucking with me Asian dick cheese is the title and then man with putrid

smegma is cleaned up by Asian girl is the title and then Man with Putrid Smegma is cleaned up by Asian Girl is the description. And let me say that just looking at the thumbnail of this, it appears to be a woman who isn't entirely enthused about her current past. And it looks like her hand around the dick is actually

pressing into some sort of fat pad that this guy has accumulated. So he looks to be a very overweight individual I think she might be cleaning this magnet with her mouth just by her posture she's gonna lick around that like you know that Woody like her tongue is gonna do a swirl around it let's see are we ready yeah I'm ready ready great click get in there oh, the look into the camera Wait, what's that sound? Okay, so she's pulling it all back

There's a lot of Schmegma on there And then she's looking up at him like Oh, do I really have to do this for my Paycheck? And then he goes Yes, and then So now she's looking at it She's smiling, we're fine

She's not smiling She's cringing now she's looking at it she's smiling we're fine she's not smiling she's cringing she's sad it's just she just smelled she just smelled it she just smelled it and had you don't know if the guy who wrote this description is it yeah he might not be you know what i'm gonna believe that this is just cream cheese. I mean, for those of you who don't know what it is, smegma is just like when you don't clean your... Oh! Oh my...

Oh! What an obedient person. Even after she's doing it, she's still looking up like, am I doing it correctly? Please clean your penis. Pull the foreskin down and then clean the tip of the penis because this is not what you need

to see. She worked hard for life choices. Just end it. She has the whole right side of the... Is she going to throw up all over everyone? I'm going to throw up all over everyone. Ah, don't. This is this.

This is the worst one by far. Oh, my God. It's almost good. It's almost clean. I think it's done. I think it's done. I think she cleaned it. It's over. No, there's always more. I've never had like involuntary gags to like that's the first time that's ever happened i didn't think that

would affect me so much because that's never happened to me but like just the thought of somebody like licking like licking your unclean dick to the point where it has build up like that that was the one that was the one made it through most of this without much trouble. What's the next one? I'm just curious. One man, one jar. I have seen this one. Not that bad.

I've seen it enough that I know what's going to happen. I can watch this one all the way through. Fortunately, it appears to be in 20p. You don't need HD for this one. You can surmise what will happen and what does happen. I promise.

Yeah, I think I've heard of it. I've heard it's awful. And he puts a jar in his rear end and it breaks, right? Oh, yeah, then you got it. And then he has to pull out the glass shards from his ass. The problem with the last one was how long it was. This one's about a minute and a half if they cut the whole one. I don't know.

I've seen this video enough to know. Let's grade Marcus decorating. What do we think on this? I'm kind of impressed, actually. I like it. He's got the bookshelf with some sort of evenly sized books or videos on it. It's a very well put together house. It's a home.

It's a home, right? They did that? Someone didn't just throw their stuff in that room. They planned what belongs in there. I wonder if his girlfriend did that or he did. Can you see what those posters are? Those Call of Duty posters?

On the left is it's always sunny in Philadelphia. So he's got a map of Central Asia? The one on the right is that Django or something? that's a django left is it's always sunny in philadelphia so he's got it and then maybe a map of the central asia the one on the right is that like django or something yeah django yeah yeah the tarantino film probably middle earth yeah the middle earth is a good guess for the center to the right i can't tell is that a lantern on top of the bookshelf on the left? It looks like a bottle or something. Maybe. Oh, I know.

So we played Civ. I finally got Woody to come play Civ with Chiz and I. We need to discuss that after this. After you guys are done watching these horrible fucking videos, I'm out. I feel like there's listeners with us right now this is doing the running the gauntlet i promise i have not seen a single video up until this point this one is a well-traversed internet video like i'm sure listeners know of this and i've at least seen it i'm curious to see what's after level 19 and 20 just hoping it just has 20 levels like because

i'm kind of done with this bit i mean if it stops at 20 that'd be cool there shouldn't be anything after insane right you want to just power through this one yeah yeah yeah all right all right this one's not that bad oh taylor doesn't have his ears on yet just say we're ready to click are you ready i am one second away i am oh wait oh no no you have to watch the last one again this one's so easy no no i mean i hate this one i hate this video more than anything without any further ado it's because all right one man one jar ready set click all right there's a man to be a man who enjoys anal stimulation he's positioning himself above what appears to be a mason jar. His butthole is a little tighter than he thought it was because crack.

No, no, no, no, no. He bottoms out. He bottoms out before he cracks it. Are those pimples? Ready? Here we go. Here we go. Woo!

There it is all right well now you know part is hearing the glass grating in his asshole as he pulls out listen let's turn up the volume all right well so yeah he got the entire mason jar into his butthole and then much to his chagrin uh he realized that it shattered and now he's pulling pieces of broken glass out of his asshole. Two things I want to note. Two things I want to note. That's fucked has their logo over the blood in the glass shard, so that

kind of kills it for me. Also, this man has not made a single peep this entire time. There's now torrents of blood falling from his ass, and he is not so much as grunted. He's in shock. He's really digging in there.

Yeah. He wouldn't be doing this unless he was in shock. You don't want to miss this, guys. Moral of the story is don't squat on a glass jar, you idiot. NowGine bottles. They don't break Sponsored by now gene by the way guys I would love to have them as a sponsor they Woody quick quiz name three materials you'd prefer in your ass other than a mason jar silicone

I'm gonna go with a glass yeah and um rubber he's still this is still going on this is a long ass video this is too long i've been watching this dude scoop parts of a mason jar out of his butthole for like fucking a minute and that's a minute too long it's almost done i'm pretty sure there's no like finale on this one i's almost done I'm pretty sure there's no like finale on this one I'm pretty sure it just cuts out there's no you're gonna have to go to the hospital anyway just go next level oh okay Kyle why did you stop I will say this is where I am because the only other video was

I watched somebody get beheaded I can't do it especially when they're still alive can you just look away it's the gurgling do you know how to turn your volume off oh thank you I will watch this with muted it's just the gurgling

do you know how to mute it in the mixer I already did, yeah. Okay. I'm going to go. Taylor, are you ready? Let's do it. Ready, set, click. Mexican cartel beheads man.

Mexican cartel beheads man. And it's very, very upsetting. I really don't like this video. I've seen it before. It looks like they duct taped his eyes as a blindfold. It's a white guy and then there are four Mexican guys with masks over their face

dressed in all black with guns. You don't know if it's Mexican? It says Mexican cartel beheads man. Yeah, you trust whatever... I trust that... They're speaking Spanish. I've seen this one before. Yeah, I've seen it. I really don't like it. I don't like're speaking Spanish. I've seen this one before. Yeah, I've seen it.

I really don't like it. I don't like any of it. Is it long? The length is a thing. It's like a minute and a half, I think. I hope it's more competent. You know, like I saw there were two people being beheaded. It was by a Mexican cartel also.

And one chose knife and the other chose chainsaw. Chainsaw chose wisely. I saw that. I saw that video. Chainsaw went right through. Knife guy got it cut up on all the bones that humans tend to have. And it didn't work out. I will say this.

The guy went in with the tip of the chainsaw, so it took two tries. If anyone ever executes with the chainsaw, I'll be like, no, no, no, no, use the back, because it tends to run forward. There you go. Oh, he used the tip. No, that's not smart. Why are you using a kitchen knife? Use a real knife. He's trying to protect himself with his hands right now.

He's resisting. Did he not just get stabbed in the shoulder? Okay. Now they are sawing. I'm so glad I don't have sound on. Oh, why are you getting close-ups?

Okay, they just hit the jugular, so the man's bleeding. But he doesn't appear to be suffering a ton, right? Like, he's not implying he's in pain. No, he's dead. He's dead soon after. No, he's breathing. You can, he's dead. He's dead soon after. No, he's breathing. You can hear it. No, but I'm saying he's going to be dead soon after I'm saying this sentence.

He just bled so much. They cut him here, and there's a lot of blood. It's sort of drowning him almost. Oh, my God. This is awful. This is horrible. This is really upsetting. They're clearly doing this as long as they can.

Yeah, right? If the cartel was more motivated, they'd have the head off by now. But, um... You know, Mexican cartel, you are the Jamal of beheading at this point. I'm so disappointed with your beheading talents. You're not even trying. Oh, Jesus Christ. Bugging you, huh?

Jesus fucking Christ. These fucking savages. This is disgusting. Since you do a human being. It's so boring. Why are you... What makes this not... Like, you can...

I can see it out of the peripherals. Like, they're jamming a knife down this dude's throat. Like, they're just going... And you can hear him, like, breathing and just... It's horrible. What is... What makes this not as bad as like having a cat have a larva pulled out of its eye i don't know i can't get past the incompetence of the beginning still happening it's horrible oh my god this is awful he's still not dead this is a really slow death i don't like this so no he's dead like he's not listening isn't anymore He's not he was up and through like when I stopped watching

It could because they're hitting his spinal cord, but he's definitely reacting because yeah, it's because they're hitting his spinal cord They're trying to look at the way he's moving his arms. He's kind of fighting now. He's semi aware Now he might be dead now yeah, he's slumped over the chair. He's done completely What a miserable job at beheading somebody. Right? Honestly, you'd think you'd know you would need something better than a butter knife. If there are any Mexican cartel leaders here,

please train your people in beheading. That doesn't bother me. The fact that they're holding a severed head up is not the issue. It's just watching him suffer is the issue. God, I wish the Mexican cartels would take on ISIS. That would be an interesting fact. You know who wins in that

situation? The Mexican cartels. Everybody else. Is that it? Is that all of them? Law 19, I have this guess that it stops at 20. Look, depending on the title, I'll sit through it. Can this thing

end? It's been two minutes. So you ended up watching it, Tucker? No, I turned back when they finally got his head off because that doesn't bother me anymore. Next level. Oh, no! We're not doing this one! This is the last one. I'm betting.

Three guys, one hammer. Three men ruthlessly torment their victim before murdering him this is the one that we talked about before it started yes it is and I will I am not sitting through this I promise you I will not do it and know what happened I have seen this

I'm in the same boat as Tucker like I've seen this I will watch it but it's very upsetting I don't like it I will watch this. I will watch it, but it's very upsetting. I don't like it. I will watch both of you guys watch it. Three, two, one. Click. Alright.

Drunk enough for you guys. So this guy is... No, everybody has to watch it. He's already very injured, it appears. What is he under? A gigantic banana? What is that holding him down? I can't remember what he was under. Oh, it a box he's lifted the box off him so they may have I oh yeah a shorter version of this I feel like I saw a longer version the one I saw had

screwdrivers to is this yeah the one I saw it's like they look back towards the car that you can see the car and you can hear a road. And then they use the hammer and then they use the screwdriver and then I definitely looked away. The backstory I make up in my head is that they stumbled upon a guy who was very drunk already, practically passed out. And decided, let's see what murder's like. You give them a more benefit of the doubt. I think it was probably more intentional than than that you think like like they were stolen by somebody i feel like this guy isn't i don't remember what the story is you can look it up

on the internet the whole thing's there isn't he like in a top shit yeah what's he wearing taylor uh it looks like he is wearing yeah Yeah, it's like a suit. I'm pretty sure I thought when I watched it, he was like a businessman or like somebody who was just like they fucking grabbed off the side of the road or something. Yeah, it looks like some kind of blazer. They've used a big blunt object.

It didn't look like a hammer to me. Picture it like a, I don't know, piece of concrete or something. And they smashed the front of his face. It looks like it's covered with jelly now. There's so much blood and he's lost like facial structure but he's breathing so his face kind of like i don't know jiggles and vibrates and stuff as the air goes in and out that's the worst part of it that's what got me wait until they stabbed him several times with the screwdriver in the eyeball and he's still living and still breathing. I'm going to turn the volume

down. You want to have this on mute. It's incredibly upsetting. It'll hurt you. I hate this video. This is absolutely worthy of the last video on whatever the gauntlet is. Is this the last one?

Can this be the last one? I'm curious. I hope it is. It's a 20, so I feel like that's a good round number. I'm going to Google it, actually. I've seen this before. My question is, out of all of those, which one was your least favorite? Discarding this one because I feel like this one,

above and all, is just the most... It's like watching a Saw movie in real life. Good call, Tuck. What are your you start what is your least favorite out of all of those you uncomfortable the most i guess i would say that it was the lady with the maggots in her eyes because there's like there's just something about that especially if she wasn't dead as soon as i clicked play and i saw her like there it was just yeah that's gross but the beheading thing, just watching somebody struggle for, like, a minute,

and you can just, even if it's hitting their spinal cord, it's just that's just visceral, and they suck at their job of beheading, and they need lessons because they just made that poor guy suffer so long. And it was like, I remember, like, even beheadings, and, like, your brain operates seconds, like, for good seconds after it's severed. There's still blood in there. That guy's still alive. It just fucks me up.

I can't deal with it. Yeah, that's very upsetting. I think that one, the baby, and honestly, I joke around all the time that I don't give two shits about animals. But that one with the dog looking around after it has a weasel, whatever animal it was, with all the skin pulled off that, that was

heartbreaking. The things that make it bad are the fact that it's not lethal, right? My understanding is when they kill cows for beef and leather and stuff, they put like a bolt in its head, and the cow just transitions from living to dead it's an air pressure have you ever seen old country no country for old men that's exactly what it is i've been like i worked on my grandpa's farm like that's what they do they just boom and you're dead yeah it's like immediately no suffering no

struggle no agony the fact that this guy's transition from live to dead is lasting like minutes here that's the roughest part of it if they were just if they would just lop off his head and he's like i know i'm gonna die i know i'm gonna die i'm dead not i'm dying i'm dying i'm dying i'm dying like you know that's if you think about what kills you it's that you know you're i think i'm not a doctor but your brain stops getting the blood that it needs to do its job right that's kind of what causes death there's more brain damage and brain dead whatever but mostly your brain stops getting the so an ice pick to the belly doesn't really kill you quickly you know you could take like any one of us could take

probably 80 stabs to the belly because it's not really an immediately lethal area. And that's what I'm watching. I think I saw like 18, 20 stabs in there to his belly with, I mean, it might've been a knife, but it almost looked like an ice pick. Like that's the kind of wound.

It ruins your long, long JV. Like that guy's not after 12 stabs, he's not going to go to the doctor and be like, yay. And a month of surgery, I'm fine. But it's certainly,

like you said, it's not like, you know, a gunshot to the doctor and be like yay in a month of surgery i'm fine but it's certainly like you said it's not like you know a gunshot to the head it's not instant it's drawn out and you're going to slowly die as your organs fail it's like what they're doing now is sick they're taking are you still watching we need a new topic we need yeah we need to switch you guys are going to be watching that for five minutes watch no i haven't die i haven't been i didn't even click on this yet really i i want to know if yeah i'm i've been watching this whole time i want to know if level 20 is where we win did anyone win at this okay you won you won i'm congrats you're gonna have night you're gonna go to bed and you're gonna think about one guy one hair three guys one hammer you're gonna be like oh fuck never forget you're never okay well nobody described it to him so i'm i'm beginning it now it's a guy in a blazer maybe a whole suit laying he was under a log or something and now someone is just bludgeoning his face

with something i have no idea what it is he's bludgeoning his face the guy is still twitching. The camera is reset to look at some leaves for some aesthetic pleasure, I suppose. I have no idea, but this is... Yeah, the guy is bleeding, struggling. His nose is entirely non-existent. It's caved

in. Woody, where are you? You can skip all that. They're poking his face, fucking him, fucking with him. Wow, congrats. At the very end, blood is pouring.

You get to see the perpetrator. He looks like he's 19, he's blonde, he's physically fit, and he has a mini sledge. Dude, anyone who could do this to another human being, they should just, if they find out about it,

there should be no trial. Like, if they know 100%, just execute them. Just execute it. You're a vile, disgraceful member of humanity. You should be executed. You're not worthy. He's breathing still. I don't even want to hear you explain it.

Woody, is that the end? This is upsetting. It looks like there's one last video level 21 the title for it is called the end okay it says three men ruthlessly torment their victim before murdering him but there's no video to click on good the site stopped all right you win good maybe the hosting site of whatever that video is is gone the hosting site or perhaps this particular video got like dcma or or whatever but the end insane level 21 is not loading for me is this guy have one arm is this guy one armed it looks like he only has an arm the tormentor yeah no the guy

who's being tormented it who just stabbed three times in the stomach there. Just for no reason. Just fucking stabbed. God. Fucking animals. Monsters. Oh, the hurt on Mirka's face is delicious. Yeah, you can stop watching that. We're done with this.

I'm done with this. I'm not watching anymore of this. That was a trip that I think I'm glad we can't top. I wonder how many people would have picked me for the most heartless, coldest video watcher. That's shocking. Terrible. I didn't like that at all. And how many people would have picked me for the most heartless, coldest video watcher. That's shocking. Terrible. I didn't like that at all. And how many people would have picked Kyle for the weak link?

Yeah. I feel like I'm the true winner of all this. I kept the most of my soul. That was just really, really quite awful. You were. You can try and rationalize it, but we all know you were just being the biggest bitch. So we got Woody to come play Civilization. Chiz and I did.

Oh, from this to Civilization. Seamless. There's a lot of death in Civ. We had been prodding him for days and texting him and hounding him and finally he played. And I think we started playing, what was it, like 7.30, 8 o'clock, 8 p.m.?

Good estimate. What time did we get done? Was it 3? 3.30, I think. Yeah, 3.30, something like that. Seven and a half hour game. Reasonable. I'm a little embarrassed at my behavior at the end.

So it was all cool through the first two-thirds of the game. We're playing, we're teaming up, we're doing our thing, we're setting on. I like to play wide and I also like to play almost defenselessly at first. Kyle has accurately said that war is a part of Civ and you have to be prepared for it at any time. But given my choices, I'd rather almost put all my money into butter and none of it into guns and build myself up and really get my money into butter and none of it into guns and build myself up and really get my tech and culture and stuff good and then fight towards the end.

And the way the map laid out, like I had friends surrounding me, I was near water, like I could do that. So I had almost what I considered my perfect game. Not that it matters, but the score thing in the corner, I was leading most of the time.

And then we went to attack, and I had like three or four cities. How many cities did I have? Four? Three, I believe. You definitely had three. You might have had four. I had four. And they were

all productive. Now, Chiz was sending me some production, but even on their own, they were good,. Now, Chiz was sending me some production, but even on their own, they were good, productive, solid cities. And I churned out so much artillery and so much like infantry and everything that moving it became a colossal pain in the ass. Just move after,

and I'm sure there's a more efficient way to do it than choosing their spots like I did, but it was awful. And like an idiot, I did artillery, then then infantry and i wanted the infantry to pass them it was like three spaces wide this little pass they had to go through and they wouldn't let me attack i was ready to attack two hours before we were not ready to attack your units were nowhere near the city you wanted to attack and your units were in this convoy that that went the whole map and we were just like well i guess if you it's not a i'll explain it's only there's

a road and then it was only like three tiles wide so they were in a funnel is what they were and you can only move so many and then it just like you weren't there yet the it wasn't. It was like a hundred turns of me just waiting. And the turns were slow because I had so many units on the ground. I had to control like 50 people. And they're just like, no, don't attack yet. Don't attack yet. Don't attack yet. And it was really hard for me to be held back on the reins for two hours.

We would not have won if we had attacked much earlier than we did. There was something. Chase is like, no, no, I have to bribe someone to make sure they stay our friends. Okay. But then we went through that process like six times. Well, it happened every turn. We were waiting until we got our infantry instead of Great War. I was ready.

I was churning out people far faster than he could kill them. And I had a road that would deliver them on sight in two moves. We would have lost if we had attacked even 15 turns earlier. Oh, I bet you guys would have won whenever or wherever. Do we have a lighter conversation that we could use to like transition us? Like something funny. Transition us from that morbid, awful, subsect of reality. Because that was very upsetting.

I did not like that. Oh, I feel bad. You feel dirty? I feel dirty. Yeah, I feel dirty. Like, you know what felt better kyle is watching that late the shit into the dude's mouth in the fucking lobby of that marriott hotel that we played that game at that felt better than any of this chat into somebody else's mouth that's a good well

yeah but kyle asked for it do you want a whole new topic? Yeah. All right. You all heard the expression, what would Jesus do? The topic is, what would Jesus actually do? Hmm. If Jesus were to descend upon earth today, I think he would be really disappointed with a lot of Christians. Are you talking about like jesus as because i feel like the whole issue is that everybody has a different idea what jesus would do so everybody's like well you know like the super bible belt like jesus hates gays

fuck everybody who's not white and then like the modern christians are like jesus is a cool dude just wants everybody like everybody it's like, which Jesus is coming down? That's sort of therein lies the question, right? If Jesus came down, I think he'd be like, what part of thou shalt not kill do you not get? Or, I don't know.

You guys, I was very clear about this. You're not obeying something. You'd probably be like, didn't you guys read the was very clear about this you're not obeying something you probably be like didn't you guys read the old testament i'm cool with slavery and you got rid of it it was a pretty good way to get shit done wasn't it maybe you listen to your old pal jesus next time you're reevaluating laws i mean this wasn't in the old testament no he wasn't but he said that he wasn't there to change the old law he said he was there to fulfill it which would imply that the old testament no he wasn't but he said that he wasn't there to change the old law he said he was there to fulfill it which would imply that the old law is not in fact flawed i mean i did uh no jesus said i was like did i imply all that

yeah i jesus and i were friends in high school. I feel like the core idea is that, yeah, you want to be just kind of like everything should be uplifted so nobody should be put down. That's kind of the core idea that Jesus probably is going for. Although, I feel like if you rewinded

like a hundred years, it'd be like fuck anybody who's not white. Jesus wants to kill everybody yeah you're talking about like i'm talking about modern day liberal jesus all right you're talking about occupy wall street jesus that went there and smelled bad for a while yeah i don't want the racist jesus to come down you know that'd be fucked up well if there were a racist jesus to come down we are in the right side of that corner if something were to happen jesus was yeah i assume like he was arabic or something yeah he had to have been arabic or something

like middle eastern at least well jesus was a jewish jewish i understand but he means like he's not fucking white like every cross in the world has him as right i mean just judging by the the section of the world that he was from one would guess he has brown skin do you think he would come back and be really angry and talk like a Jew and be like, I brought you all these things and you didn't decide to take care of it? Why would you do this? I brought all these things.

You didn't do what I wanted you to do. And Kyle, of course, I think Jesus is Irish in this scenario. Jesus is just trying to care about what you're doing. Jesus loves you. Jesus is your best friend. Does Jesus drink Guinness?

Jesus drinks whatever the fuck he wants, Tucker. I'm trying to do my Jesus accent. I don't even know where to start. Your Jesus accent. One thing's for sure. It's not Russian. accent. One thing's for sure, it's not Russian.

Jesus would have like a short cropped afro and dark skin for sure. It really does annoy me when I see the depictions of Jesus that are like blonde hair and blue eyes and it's like flowing down his shoulders and he's like... Like a PC Master Race guy.

The perfect Aryan Jesus. Yeah, the perfect Aryan Jesus yeah perfect Aryan Jesus is just like where did this come from who's that guy no it's a I remember that I was in someone's office a while back and they had scary Aryan Jesus all over the walls along with like crucifixes with like bloody hearts stuck in the middle with thorns wrapped around them. Yeah, do you still associate with this person? It was the U-Haul place. It wasn't like a...

Oh, I know. So you went into the U-Haul place, and it was just a big proselytizing center. And there was a gun in the corner. Really? A rifle. There was a rifle propped up in the corner that I was sitting in. It's a very scary U-Haul place, but whenever I need one, I got to go there.

And this old mean woman. How do you think that Jesus would feel about guns? I bet he would be way more strict on nail guns than any other kind. Oh my God. Nail guns. to be safe framing hammers are just completely out of Jesus doesn't hang out at Home Depot too many memories.

I feel like if he really did come back, one of the things that would freak him out the most and he would just be disgusted by would be the prevalence of crucifixes everywhere. I was driving down the interstate the other day, and I'm not exaggerating. This guy was in a Chevrolet pickup truck with a crucifix bigger than the one they used

to crucify Jesus on the top of his truck. No, in Georgia? Yeah. Right in Georgia, huh? You know, they had some sort of a slogan on it, some Bible passage or some, like, turn before you burn, like some scary Old Testament Christianity

like message on there, like you're all going to die. And then there's just a fucking enormous, I tried to take a picture, but I almost ran off the road. And then I started thinking like, maybe that is how Jesus is. And maybe he's like throwing thunderbolts at me.

So maybe I just decided not to take the picture. Maybe you just put your phone back in your pocket. Yeah. I've never practiced this accent before, but here's my Jewish Jesus. I'm ready for this one. That's going to be good. Why are you taking healthcare from the poor? No.

No, it wasn't very... Sounds a little bit like a raspy, almost Russian. I wanted to do Dr. Jesus, Jewish guy. Jesus taking healthcare from the poor when I already gave you all these things to use when they're healthcare. How many feet do I have to wash? Huh? How many feet?

I don't know, man. That's just horrific. Go up to Jersey. Kyle's got a funny Jew accent. I don't have a good one. I can't do it. Dr. Chiz does Jewish, really. Like, old Orthodox Jew guy. Yeah. He would crush this.

The curl Jews. Old New York Jews. But yeah, this. The curl Jews. Jewish, old New York, New York Jews. The ones with the hats. But yeah, with regards to what Jesus would do, I feel like he would be very angry at like the American Christians. You know, the, I guess I'm saying Republicans, the guy who prioritized like making the rich rich, taking away health care from the poor, like that, that kind of thing. I think he'd be like, what the fuck? Really? I wouldn't say like Republicans. I mean, isn't gonna get stupid party maybe yeah i just say like the the people that that that use jesus as a means to get like it just like push

their their own agenda whether it's the politician or my mom or you know yeah whomever my mom was like really uh uh like very you know i went to church every sunday up until i went to college Or my mom. Or whomever. My mom was really very... I went to church every Sunday up until I went to college. And I have not been voluntarily since then because it was a real turn off. It was a really culty feeling. It turned me off.

I was like, man, everybody reminds me of... And it's boring. Yeah, and it's boring. It's early in the morning. But kind of the stuff... Sometimes there's hot chicks at church. Very rarely. And then they have that jesus mentality repressed they're virgins oh yeah virgins i mean at the end of the day it was just like there's definitely a sect of uh of of christians that are very selfishly oriented towards everything should conform around my ideals because this is what I think Jesus should do versus

like the general, like, yeah, let's just not be assholes kind of Christian, which are way better and like more tolerable. You know, like the people like let's further the world. I know.

We started going to church 10 years ago. Like we were, yeah. So, um, so what happened was hope was in kindergarten my daughter and um we wanted her like i guess it wasn't hard to get into kindergarten but to be chosen for first grade at this uh like christian catholic school they they sort of measured you

and decided whether you were you're going to make it into the school and uh the way that they measured you was based on time, talent, and treasure. That was their thing. Time, talent, treasure. So they would, they took attendance at church on Sundays. And that was one of the ways. It was like time. You know, are you going to church or not?

So we went there every freaking Sunday, like in an effort to get her in. And then another thing was the talent, right? So like they would do fundraisers and stuff. And you would like donate crafty stuff, or maybe you just helped build shit for the school or whatever, so I gave them my talent. And then treasure was just how much you freaking paid. But the thing is, they really seem to be all about the treasure.

All about the fucking treasure. Have you ever gone to a church where early on you have to sign up for the church to do direct withdrawals from your bank account? Is that a common thing? That seems sketchy. That's ridiculous. I mean, go for it, Kyle. My ex-girlfriend went to a church where there was a gay guy that was the preacher, and they all sang and danced, and there were lots of black people there. Now, that's the kind of church I want to go to that was a good time that's the that's the like

let's just make everybody a good person yeah they're just having a great time i was to go on i wasn't really into the god thing as i was going although listening you know see if they can convert me whatever but um i was really into the community thing i was like you know if i could somehow find like a group of good people who i liked hanging out with who weren't like like i know people who every time they have to make a decision like what car to buy they're preying on it right they're asking god for guidance on everything and it's like i don't want that guy but you know if there's just like nice good people i could hang out with the corolla or the accord god there are people like that right right i had a co-worker i liked a lot

who was always preying on all of his decisions and i'm like you i don't know that you're gonna have to handle this on your own god's not helping you decision is just plausible deniability yeah so anyway i was not really into the god thing but i was super into the community just hoping that i would find like friends and families and and you guys are young for this but there's this concept of like families that are friends with whole families right the husband's like hanging out and doing the barbecue while the mom's gossip and the kids hang and play video games and i was like i'd love to get like some of those cooking and you know i was down for it but the church was so fucking money hungry i can't tell you how much it turned me off and it

wasn't just me being cheap like they wanted to make big withdrawals automatically and um you know the tithe right like a guideline for tithing people don't know what tithing is they just take 10 of your income they're like 10 is just the start that's a minimum that's where you know but it's really about what you can give can you give 25 of your income can you give a third if you can get live without a third of your income then you should live without a third of your income and it's just like wow dude you're that was the biggest turnout for me was when my mom like when i found out i think i was mom like when i found out i think i was like 13 when i found out my mom was paying the tithe and like you know i'm okay to like you

know when they pass the collection basket around my grandfather every sunny will throw him five bucks like that like whatever fuck it like that's cool you want to support the community that's cool like a tip yeah like a tip exactly like thanks, you know, shouting out Jesus' word. Thanks for making me feel guilty this week. Or like, we're better. But when I learned that she was paying 15%, not 10%, but she was like, yeah, she was like, you, just let me, let me, I want to go that extra mile for God. It like, it turned me off a lot. I was just a little kid and my dad had lost his job and I realized my mom was paying 15% of our only expendable income to the church that I went to that's on a $3 million property. The church itself has the priest that lives in a $1 million home on the property.

It's in rural Maryland, very wealthy community. And I just know these people had snacks every time church let out, every single time. They had a full catering service so like I know there's a lot of money here I'm not an idiot and it just really turned me off that there was like that that my mom was so willing to give such a huge percentage of her income when our family at home was taking from our savings to like you know keep us I don't want to make it seem like we were struggling but at the same time you've got to do a lot of shit to get me to pay like the government takes a lot of my money and i'm i'm like ah fuck but like

you know it goes to something you got to do a lot of shit to get me to pay 15 of my income to faith or any anything but like let alone faith like and it's just silly like god needs a lot of money from us for being an omniscient, omnipresent being that knows the future. If I were that being, I wouldn't ask for shit. I would have invested in Apple 15 years ago. He's all-powerful. He's all-knowing. He's ever-present.

He's all these things. Not great with the stock market. He needs your cash. But at the same time, I completely get the other side which was what you were talking about with the whole family connection my dad was i was always like dad like why are you able to stay home and watch the basketball game and i gotta go to church with mom like what the fuck and he's like yeah mom wants a community we want a family to hang out with and like the moms hang out the dads hang out the kids hang out and we got that like there were a couple families that we did

cookouts with and it worked awesome so they were really like searching for that community feel since my dad worked from home and my mom worked really far away there were no local friends so I understand completely like the whole community side because I feel like that's what a lot of people go for not like I need to repent for watching porn it's more like I want to be in a place where a lot of people who are decent and care about not being an asshole are. So your dad didn't even go.

He went with, no, he went most of the time, but my father-in-law taught his children that the good don't have to go. So the three girls went every week and dad stayed home. Wow. You know what? Your father-in-law is a smart man.

My dad bribed me and my brothers with Taco Bell. He said if we went to church, then we could get Taco Bell. And so the whole time when we were sitting next to each other in church, it would be like my mom was sitting there paying attention like, oh, Jesus,

and doing the whole thing. And my dad would lean over to me and be like, what are you going to get from Taco Bell? I'd be like, I'm going to get a nacho cheese chalupa, and I'm going to get chicken quesadilla, and I'm going to get the cinnamon twisties.

He's like, yeah, you bet you are, because you came to church and you're not making the scene. Me and my brothers, that was the only way we loved church, because we knew 100% we were going to get Taco Bell afterward. I'd go to church if somebody bought me Taco Bell. I wouldn't even anymore.

I'd rather spend the what is it? $4 or $6 for a good meal from Taco Bell? No. That's a segue. It's expensive. Let me dive into your childhood here because this is an oddly pertinent topic. Today, Taco Bell sent a chef over to my house and they handmade their new biscuit tacos for me while I stream video games.

Is it because you're a superstar? Yeah, it's because I'm super famous. You probably won't understand, but you get really famous. Biscuit tacos. How were those? I need to know. I'm super famous. You probably wouldn't understand, but, like, you get, like, really famous. Biscuit tacos. How were those? I need to know. I'll be honest. The chicken, like, they only paid me for the live stream, so I'm not on payroll.

I could be, like, yo, this thing is shit. The bacon one looked disgusting, but the chicken one, they had, like, jalapeno honey on that shit. That was oddly good. I'm not a big fast food guy. I'm skinny. Like, I don't like to go out and pay money for food that is about 20% meat content and 80% filler but they kind of won me over with that and it's breakfast so it scared me I was a little

bit worried for my insides but yeah either way the childhood dream of having a fast food company make me food well I'm gonna get set up holy like through a fucking drive-through as the morning, being like, hey, I gotta go to work for a long shift, better fuel up with a fucking biscuit taco. Just like my ancestors would've. Yeah, pull up to the first window to pay and get your food, and the second window for an insulin shot so you can continue throughout your day. I mean, you're right.

It's probably some poor soul is doing that every day of the week. I feel like McDonald's does breakfast. I don't eat at McDonald's really ever, but every now and then if I'm setting up for a day full of driving, McDonald's is kind of my go-to breakfast place. What do you get? Egg McMuffin. That's what everybody gets. I don't know why Kyle shakes his head. And it's good. It's good. If you have to go through fast

food early in the morning, McDonald's is your best bet. They have the best breakfast. They infuse syrup into the bun. Okay, so the things that are good at McDonald's breakfast. So the bacon, egg, and cheese McGriddle is good. The chicken biscuit is good. The hotcakes with sausage are excellent.

Their scrambled eggs are terrible. Their hash browns are okay, but Hardee's slash Carl's Jr. makes the best breakfast. They've got that gravy biscuit, and you get the chicken biscuit, and their hash browns are the little brown ones. You live in the South, Kyle. Yeah, Hardee's. No, no, no. You live in the South, Kyle. Yeah, Hardee's. No, no, no.

You live in the South. So, Bojangles. It's okay. The chicken biscuit's really good. Those are fighting words. Bojangles is good if you want chicken. Otherwise, nah. Yeah, they don't serve anything else. I've never been to Bojangles.

I'm told the iced tea is to die for. You live in the area for that. You know... And I know where you live. You live probably 50 in your one-mile radius. The iced tea is to die for. I hate when people make claims about fast food places

and they have the easiest quantifications of what's good. Oh, they have great sweet tea. Oh, you mean they can put a lot of sugar in water and have it be a tea? That's remarkable. Wow, Chick-fil sweet tea. Oh, you mean they can put a lot of sugar in water and have it be a tea? That's remarkable. Wow, Chick-fil-A. Wow.

Great job. Don't you hate on Chick-fil-A? No, I love Chick-fil-A. Best fast food franchise. People need to stop freaking out about their sweet tea. It's water. It's got a lot of sugar. You know there's a pound of sugar in every gallon of McDonald's sweet tea?

I don't eat at McDonald's. You know what? I'll eat at Wendy's. If I'm in a hurry that Wendy's is my go-to, I have in my head that it's like a step above the other fast food places. Probably not, but it's why I go there. You say places, though, like head and shoulders above. I will give you that it's better than McDonald's because McDonald's is the lowest.

No way. Wendy's is not better than Burger King they're on the same Burger King is the shit here it is me royal here is delicious I argue I need you but to both say what you get from both respective places so I can have an accurate assessment of what I'm pairing do I go in this yeah yes. Burger King versus Wendy's. I say Burger King, honestly. Yeah, double waffle. If I go to Burger King, I get a quarter pounder. It's very rare.

I haven't been there for a long time. I don't like it. There's something about their meat. The whole flame broil thing that they advertise, not my cup of tea. It has an aftertaste sort of thing going on. I don't like it. It's not for me. This dude knows what's up.

And the bacon, if you get anything with bacon, I swear to God, that shit is less microwave than McDonald's. You could use it as a bow tie. I have never seen a less crispy bacon. You're right. It doesn't matter. But the Wendy's is so much better. It feels like that shit's

actually cooked. If I go to Wendy's, there's two meals. I'll get a number one, which is some sort of single single beef hamburger or number six which is a uh the spicy chicken you know what's a good rule of thumb with ordering at fast food places is if you order anything greater than a number four you're a big fat fuck that goes there too much because one through four is all you need no one. Just pick one of those. Don't you know what a number three is at Wendy's? I don't. It's three quarters

of a pound of meat alone. It's the triple. It's the triple. And that's what I get when I'm starving. If I'm really hungry and I want a burger, I get a triple. But you also got Carl's Jr. or Hardee's which is like their lowest burgers are the third pound thick burger and they're not the biggest one is a monster whatever

two-third or one pounder it's like yeah that's the problem with the amount is that they have misunderstood tastiness with all quantity looking gross and quantity and sauce every commercial I see one of the parties I am enraged the burger onto the white background it goes plop do you think that when I go to a place and I order a steak I want to see somebody drop it from a foot height and then watch it bounce? No. Have you ever had chicken marinara on a sandwich? Oh my god.

Yeah, plop. I hate that shit. All their specials are like that. Only at Hardee's, where we'll give you a fucking cardiac arrest and show you how gross your fucking food is on some ladies. On the side of the cup on the side of the cup it's like it's always like like fuck being healthy like we know what tastes good i will admit like that that that image of just like throwing a like a nine stack that's the metric you you grade quality on you go to mcdonald's like give me the big mac i need

to throw it on the floor see how high it bounces like that's i think tucker might share this the reason i choose the fast food when i do like when i'm forced to kind of you know on the road or something i'd like to be snobby about it like oh mcdonald's no someone of this good looks can't be shopping there right you know like oh hardy's that's for fat people. Have you seen me? Can't happen. Like, that's... And you think Wendy's is the... Now, if you went to Wendy's and you got the salad... You'd be right.

For sure. Or the grilled chicken sandwich, which is very tasty. I'm getting the one-layer burger or the spicy chicken. And I know I am sinning. I know it. I know it. But if you're eating at a restaurant... I mean, I guess I could go salad, but that's not even food. If you get a salad from a fast food place, you're living in denial and you're a delusional idiot.

Pretty much. Oh, I'm just going through McDonald's. Let me just get this salad here so I can rationalize a fucking pint of Ben and Jerry's later tonight. People listening right now saying, Woody, you're out of your flipping mind. Wendy's is not health food. And you're right. Having said that, you're going to send me to Chili's? Applebee's? Five Guys? Where are you

eating on the road that's a good, convenient choice? Anyone who travels a lot, go for it. If I have to eat fast food, I'll usually get two grilled chicken sandwiches and I won't eat the bread. From where? Are you talking?

From anywhere. McDonald's, Wendy's, Zaxby's works. If there's a Zaxby's, I get a grilled house salad with vinaigrette dressing, which is pretty tasty. Do you have Popeye's there? I've eaten on the one with Kyle,

and I swear he does not consist of a diet that is purely chicken with no bread and salad. No, no. If I'm eating healthy, that's what I do. If I'm not eating healthy, then at Wendy's it's a number two, which is a half pound of meat. Burger King, number two, also a half pound of meat. McDonald's, I'll usually get two Big Macs or or like a number one which is a big mac combo but i usually get a diet coke because

this the pound of sugar per gallon two big macs yeah i can eat two yeah they're two dollars two for four dollars like i don't eat how much bread is in there i don't mind i munch the whole thing up it's going oh i don't like all the bread. I can eat two Big Macs. I like the special sauce and the pickles. That to me is the tangy treat in a Big Mac. I don't eat them much. It's probably been five years. But, you know, according to my memory, that's where it's at.

You can't afford many. If I go to Taco Bell, it's game over. I just start ordering. I'm just like, yeah, give me a number two, which is a extra, extra large chicken grilled stuffed burrito with a soft taco and then i'll get like a bunch of those doritos locos uh tacos like three of them and then a nachos bel grande a mexican pizza some cheesy fiesta potatoes some pintos and cheese some of those cinnamon twists um hit up the chalupa side of that oh yeah

nacho cheese chicken chalupa. That's my favorite. Nacho cheese chalupa with steak. You got to do that. I don't like the steak. I don't trust their steak. Oh, it's not good. The chicken's pretty good. I will give them this. They're my guilty pleasure.

I fully understand that they have that whole thing where they literally made 30% of their meat is actual meat. And I fully understand it, but there's just something endearing about a Doritos Locos taco that I can just shove that shit down my throat and be happy with myself. Tucker, how did you get your Taco Bell livestream deal? Did you have an agent that reached out to them? Did you tweet them yourself? No, I am...

My PS4 is from Taco Bell, but that was like a year ago. Twitch actually is a very big bringer of deals for me twitch themselves like will bring me taco bell or evolve or some game deal and so i have like non-exclusive managers but they're not i don't have like a manager that's like yeah before you talk to him you gotta talk to me like none of that shit the trouble is even exclusive managers don't work hard enough for you they all want to be your exclusively your manager and then they don't want to bring you deals at all why do you think i don't

have an exclusive yeah it's like okay exclusive manager how about you prove to me you're worthy and then we'll talk and then they get you like 1500 over the course of a year and it's like you can go eat cheese dick like that girl in the video because you're not kidding it done. I Mean but I need to talk to you Tucker. I'm I'm open for another client if you want me to be your Acting manager, you know oh You're gonna you're gonna represent me. I will I'll that bring your client base off to one fucking good So yeah, fucking good. You'll have to beg me to stop because it'll curse oh i will mobile deals out your ass you ever heard of mobilegames.com 0.01 cpm make it 10 bucks on this deal like

yeah oh right right no not a cpm baby no no just conversions we'll give you a penny yeah yeah not even yeah not even cpa it's just if they buy this ten dollar thing you get a cent that's right with it right right right yeah because they can't lose in that deal Not even CPA. It's just if they buy this $10 thing, you get a cent. That's what it is. You guys are good with it, right? Right, right. Yeah, because they can't lose in that deal. I'm shocked. This is back to the food thing we were talking about, the fast food.

I know there are a couple places that, for me, it just ruins me on the inside, and I'm shitting hot fire for a while. But which ones for you do that? Because I know it's different for everyone. Some people when they eat Taco Bell, they just are ruined. Some people when they eat McDonald's or Burger King, their asshole is just aflame.

How about you, Woody? I'm sure everything with your octogenarian... Kind of the opposite, if I'm honest. I don't actually try many new things so I don't get burnt. Is that what does it? Trying new things for you? No, no. I'm just saying that

for example, remember I talked about McDonald's? Yeah, last time I had it was like five years ago. You guys are talking about all these things at Taco Bell. It's probably been 15 years since I've eaten it. I just pass those places up. I don't have a wide diet so there's no like you're like oh man chipotle turned out to be a bad decision no i haven't eaten there really i went really so you never just are driving by somewhere you're never like in a hurry not eating all day and you drive by mcdonald's and you go

i'll just grab a mcchicken like you never do that usually it's more like all right you know it's 11 30 i need lunch sometime in the next two and a half hours so as soon as i pass a wendy's i'll get food so wendy's is you're like uh like everybody has a threshold where you're driving by you could drive by the same goddamn restaurant like that freeway sign 20 times you're never gonna pull off for that restaurant you'll like the only reason you end up there is because you like accidentally ended up there and you're like okay so windy's is your like threshold that's where you see the sign you're like that's his diamond okay i've gotta go i've gotta like i'm gonna have to eat sometime i might as well it's just a predictable meal and if i have time or if i'm with a family sometimes the kids like need to get out and stretch their legs and they become little demons. A Perkins

would be ideal. What's a Perkins? Oh, it's like an IHOP. I'd say my thing and the biggest issue, because I worked at Chick-fil-A for two years before I did

everything. I did everything. Can I refresh your drink? Thank you so much for coming. two years before I came, like, with thing. I, like, I did everything. Are they really Christian during there? Oh, thank you so much for coming. Does the Christian culture permeate through all the employees? You mean, like, does it, does, like, the founders' Christianity? Like, they're not open on Sundays,

they're anti-gay, like... No, no, no, no, no. The, um, so the owner of My Chick-fil-a owned five in the area and he was christian and you can't open on sundays like no matter what you do no chick-fil-a can be open on sundays that's just part of the licensing agreement but every single person i worked with i worked with a gay dude like and he was openly gay they hired him knowing he was gay it's only the founder who's like the dude is like fuck the g. I don't want to hang out with you.

What makes the chicken taste so good? I don't know! Alright, so I worked as the cow, so like the mascot. I danced around, you know, on the... That's so perfect. You'd be great! I'd hire you for that, for sure. I was great. I was the fucking best at that.

And then I got downgraded because that job was the best job i've ever worked 15 minutes in the suit 45 minutes out of the suit 15 an hour basically wow yeah it was a great job but if it was over 80 degrees there's no ac in there so you will sweat like you are at a sauna like on the it's the worst so you know other 45 minutes you're you're in the tray well but you're still gross like you're still covered in sweat i mean you're not like that makes me wonder how much that african-american man dressed up as lady liberty on the side of the road so well no no no no it's there's it was like the uh dead eyes suit it's the thing with the suit

like if you're in a mascot suit you have like a there's a legal thing with you will straight up like overheat and die if you're in there for an hour there's just i mean i'm sure there's the same either way what's the craziest story you had from chipotle like who's the craziest most fucked up customer or who was the worst person to deal with did anybody assault you while you were wearing your cow? Make something up. God damn it. I'm sorry.

The Chick-fil-A cow was easy. The only good story I have from that is that I got transitioned to one day our actual lead chef got sick, so I had to throw the chicken patties in the flour, then throw them in the deep fryer, and then take them out of the deep fryer. The only thing I'll say is, like, I was so amazed that each chicken patty

was shaped differently that I was like, oh, shit, like, this is good. Like, these are not cylindrical. Like, I could eat here still after doing this myself. That was the biggest thing. The cow that Tucker worked as, sorry to interrupt, they visited my daughter at school.

Like, did you ever do that? Like, go to a middle school And be like have some Chick-fil-A Hey kids, sorry to interrupt the algebra Moo You weren't like So the whole process was You have a handler that was assigned to you

They would walk you to where you needed to be You had to dance when you were standing still So you know I got a little of this moving on. Like, you're in a cow suit. It's like, you don't care. Nobody can see you. You're dancing. You're just doing this, like this.

Yeah, I'm serious. And then somebody wants a picture. You pause and you keep dancing. And the biggest events that I did, it was every day at happy hour, which is like 4 to 7 p.m. You'd come out every 15 minutes into the dining floor, which is what they called it, and like, say hi to the kids and then you'd go back and you'd take it all off and do it all over again. But like, yeah, we went

to high schools for like prom. I was at a prom. Suits and everything. Like, these are like grown-ass high school kids, like the youngest kid's 16 here. I'm a fucking cow. I'm 16. I I'm like none of you guys want me here so we're dancing like people are just

giving me shit they're like taking stupid ass photos you know yeah they're doing that like they're making fun of me and I'm just in the cow suit like enjoying the fact that I'm at a prom at 9pm in a cow suit was it a school near like where you went to school yeah I mean nobody knew me

actually no nobody knew friends this sorry there's awful I'm mood anyway I never had anybody be like dad jokes so you mentioned putting the chicken in the flour and then frying it was it just regular flour or did they have some kind of a special you know hate flour that they were like anti-gays like there was a rainbow flower it's the gay hate because all right so if you've never had chick-fil-a chicken and you're like boycotting the center so bull yeah you're fucking up because look that hate chicken is so damn good if if they were run by a guy who like was like

all of those white males out there, let's exterminate them. Let's cut off their genitals. I'd still eat that chicken if he hated me. I'd eat his hate chicken and love it all the more. Agreed. The meat tastes sweet somehow. It's the peanut oil. It's the peanut oil.

It is. It's the pressure cooker and the peanut oil. And I can tell you the whole process. The worst part is whoever's buttering those buns, they literally put these buns in like one of those vertical toasters. And as soon as they come out burning hot in your bitch ass, like latex gloves, you have to grab these burning hot buttered buns and then just roll them

across a butter roller, put two pickles on them. And after the 40th bun, like your hands are burnt. Like it's just not a fun. I have seen a trend of laziness in regard to the pickle placement you can one snack and i'm gonna ruin chick-fil-a i promise you no matter where you are you can bring your food up with as long as there's more than half

of it is there bring your food up and say you didn't like it you want a new one they will bring you a new one without questions even the manager like if they're like i don't know if i can do it the manager will bring you fucking two and be like here you go like they're their only motive seriously there are bonuses all i have to do is be shameless and awful and i'll get a free chicken sandwich there was a dude while i worked there who came in and returned his his lemonade every time he got like but he returned his lemonade every time he bought it he would drive around the store and he'd come back and be like hey it's not that good it'd be all gone i'm like where the fuck did it go the lemonade every time like you know and that's just it like he was just guzzling this

terrible drink yeah just like yeah so homie had to pee i'm sure but like 32 ounce but like their bonuses are based off of customer satisfaction so at least the manager is good and they make waffle fries which are pretty nice fries i like the good fries so they're the only fast food restaurant that has the waffle fry as far as i know and uh and they have other things too their chicken nuggets are delicious it's the it's the the fact that it's real chicken I feel like I'm the biggest salesperson don't they have like a honey butter sauce that they'll give you for biscuits and stuff

they have honey butter, chick-fil-a sauce, sweet and sour, barbecue ranch buffalo they do have buffalo, you're right but the chick-fil-a sauce is my shit it's like thousand island dressing and? It's like Thousand Island dressing and mustard mixed together with a little bit of ketchup.

I like how restaurants that make special sauces, they never trend too far from the path. It's like, here's O'Houlihan's special sauce. It's fucking mayonnaise and mustard. It's never anything

but what you would expect it to be. I want something new. Some brand new sauce that I've never had before. Everything seems to be... Brand new, special? Yeah. It's either like... There's just a few sauces. There's tomato based stuff and there's vinegar based stuff that's more like, I don't know, like Worcestershire sauce. I'm afraid there's something new.

Yeah, Worcestershire sauce. It's not that it hasn't been tried. It's that it sucks. Like, hey, here's vinegar and pickle juice or you know there's relish at that combo that's nasty yeah there's a reason it's not for copy i have a new topic i don't know if it's yeah we can go time tucker i watched your live stream i think i saw it after the fact, where you lost a part of your tooth. You played it off brilliantly. Wow! That's so awesome. Yeah.

You can remove the cap just like that? It must be a temp thing. Yeah, yeah. So he was playing the game, and it was Evolve, and he was the big monster. And if you don't know Evolve, I don't really know Evolve. But you're a big monster. I think your job is to go in the woods and power up and stuff. And the other people, like the three sort of Left 4 Dead-ish characters,

they go power up, and eventually they meet each other and fight to the death. And whoever's powered up better in the meantime wins. Am I more or less on target with Evolve? Yeah, it's a 4v1. And, of course course the one is like the boss character so tucker's playing the boss character and um while he's in like this battle climax fight to the death type thing he loses half of his front tooth and uh rather than be like oh my god i'm embarrassed or oh no something happened or whatever he just steps up his game he's like do

it for the little tooth he's just like it's the power of the little tooth i'll get him i'll get him and he won with like if there's a health meter it had a pixel left in the stripe and uh and he took the victory now outwardly confident brain stepping up your game, just bringing an awesome stream that got viral as far as I know. Inwardly, what was going on? Same thing? So the back story was this whole thing. When I was seven, I was at my best friend's birthday party, and he hit me.

And I will bitch at him to the end of this time. It's his birthday party. We're at a hockey rink. We have to do this whole bullshit instructional thing. We're all seven. And, like, every single sentence, they're like, and don't raise your hockey stick above your shoulder because you'll hit someone in the face.

And, of course, ten minutes in, he hits me in the face with his hockey stick. Yeah, he's just like, and then knocks half of my front tooth out so like little seven old me is crying seven year old me is crying i go to the doctor and they like uh they do like this it's like cement they basically like layer it on until it's even with my tooth they build up the other half of my tooth and it's really close to a like a root canal because it was you know if you get it too far that destroys the nerve and you have to take the tooth out or it'll die so i've lived with that up until uh about a week before that gift i was eating pretzels and all of a sudden my fucking like that half fell off and i haven't had that happen in literally 10 years and i was like fuck okay i guess i gotta go get a crown replacement so i go the doctor's like yeah

it's temporary cement so it won't hold very well. Be careful. Here's extra. They gave me two extra packs of cement to re-cement it. I was like, oh, shit. This is going to fall out. So I was avoiding. I have not had a sandwich in over a month, and I'm so ready for a burger. I'm getting it replaced next week. So we're playing this, and I guess it just came loose, and it fell off.

And what happened was it like went down my throat So I started to choke on it so in the gift I just go and I go out you can see it fall out onto the desk, and I like look at it I'm like fuck what nobody knows was that was a sponsored evolve stream like evolve had had been like hey Can they got their money's worth right? So they sponsored that stream and in my head i was having issues with like my pc the nvidia drivers with evolve were crashing and i felt bad because i was like i'm i don't know how other people work a lot of people like yeah fuck the brand like let me get my money and like whatever i'm like i want to make sure everybody's happy let me make sure

i'll go and repeat deals win win exactly yeah so i was like i don't want to ruin this i don't want to stop the game that i've got in because that was the second game i got in stop like go cement my tooth which is like a five minute process and come back so i was like fuck it like it's on the table like it's happened i might as well just play through the fact that i i won with like a sliver of health was awesome i mean deep down inside yeah i was like uh like this is kind of this is funny it's also embarrassing but i didn't think that it would get to the point where it did where the gif on imgur has yeah dude 5 million views it has more views than any of my top 10 videos combined i actually maybe like five my top five videos combined have less views than the gif on imgur and on reddit so it doesn't have your overlay for like your twitch like pimping i didn't know that you even it even happened until i was on a site and

i saw the imager link of you losing your tooth during it and i was like hey i know that guy that was it i i think the point yeah the point that i realized that it was like it was transcending like the the local space and it had gone out to, like, a true viral was when people from my high school that I haven't spoken to that I had removed friends with had messaged me. And they were like, hey, man, this you, like, I saw you on the front page today on Imgur or Reddit or whatever. And I'm like, I haven't spoken to you in seven years. Like, I have a different haircut and everything. And you still know this is like that was the point where i was like ah fuck people that i don't even converse with on a daily basis or like know what i do are gonna see me losing my tooth and be like this dude's on meth like because it

looks like i'm on meth i lose a tooth for nothing but you played it like a champ like yeah i feel all this like ego feeding from like everybody in the comment section of reddit and stuff was really nice because honestly i was really worried that it was going to come boil down to here's a gamer who doesn't take care of his i'm notoriously hygienic like i can't i brush my teeth twice a day i can't stand it i floss twice a day wow you're better than i am because i can't do that shit like i forced myself once and i'm like, fuck, this sucks. Either way, I was more endeared the fact that people were like, yeah, good on you. I felt like I was going to get torn to shreds.

I was a little nervous afterwards. I was like, fuck, this is going to be rough. There was a player at WoodyCraft. His name was RabidKids. His IGN, his in-game name was RabidKids. And for whatever reason, everyone on the server kind of like turned on him he was kind of well known and he was like a not a popular streamer by your standards but you know he would have like a couple hundred people watching him which was

kind of big for the minecraft world you know like this he's you know he's gotten beyond those like single digit you know little guys and everyone like instantly hated him and my forms were just filled up with all these hate threads and stuff and and i felt for the guy like i've been on that side where suddenly like all your peers and all your fans are fussing at you and then he came on there and he streamed that day anyway and it was just like sort of chin up whatever i'm gonna do my thing and i forarily anyway, I was like, damn, I have so much respect for that guy. Like he just, the whole world's coming down on him. He knows.

And he didn't bend. And I thought that was really cool. And I think that's kind of what people saw in your thing. Like, all right, this is a potentially embarrassing situation for which he just did not bend you know did chin up game on and yeah and that's the cool thing now my guy turned out everyone hated him for good reason and now he's kind of gone damn man he was hard to like but uh but yeah i mean yeah it was awesome i was like i was definitely happy with the fact that people kind of took it at face value as like something happened.

I react and I was like, yeah, it's great. And then that kind of moved on. And it wasn't like the one thing I will say is that it was on Yahoo's front page. It was on distractifies, you know, front page. It was on funny or dies. Top 10 gifts of the week kind of thing. And every single one had like here's what happens when you

drink too much Mountain Dew or here's how what happened you know and I was like like it didn't bug me because there were a bunch of people who had no clue of what I was doing or anything like that they're like yeah yeah gamers have bad hygiene I was like whatever that's a circle jerk fine but I mean deep down I was like

come on like this is the one thing that I wanted to avoid or like this that's a circle jerk fine but i mean deep down i was like oh come on like this is the one thing that i wanted to avoid or like this dude's on meth because he's skinny and he just lost a tooth at like 20 and i was like i mean i can see it so i'm not the whole experience was positive and at the end of the day like my mom saw it before i was able to link her it so like i win like that's awesome i thought it was clearly just a cap falling out, though. Anyone who thinks that your tooth, just root and all, just fell completely out of your head doesn't know how teeth work.

Well, there were some superheroes back there. I think the top comment on Reddit was, I'm a dentist. His crown clearly fell off. I have no idea what you guys are freaking out about. And of course, I popped up. And I was like, yeah, here's what happened. And people were like, oh, that's cool. It was just a way better experience than what i know could have gone down which i'm

sure both of you have been subject to at some point in time that's good yeah i saw it too of course i guess everyone did it was really funny i was like yeah i know that guy yeah there was a time when it seemed like every video i uploaded was like let's find the flaw let's get its pick on the guy and then i uploaded one recently about choosing a college major and um it was sponsored by gamma yeah that's the one you were talking about so a couple people talked to me recently they were like are you gonna work in it because it was choosing a college major was kind of the topic and it was sponsored by gamma and uh they're like you're gonna say gamma's good for studying or you're gonna say this or it keeps you alert study nights. And I'm like, I don't think

I'm going that route. They're going to be very like upfront and honest, you know, that I'm sponsored by these guys. I wish them the best. And that's the thing. People have heard everything I said, no, I have this thing for entrepreneurs, you know, and I, I like them to do well. And, uh, I don't know, just sort of revealing the nature of the relationship. Like, Hey, you know, I'm working with these guys and I really want them the best worked out super well there was no they were just happy I made a video I think on that note

um I found that out I found that out too recently in that um you know when we were all kind of building ourselves up were all those I mean you had a little bit more where the fuck has Taylor been for 20 minutes he just disappeared up either way like building yourself up to the point where you're I mean, you had a little bit more. Where the fuck has Taylor been for 20 minutes? I don't know.

He just disappeared. Oh, either way. Like building yourself up to the point where you're getting people who are like, I want to pay you to promote this. That's like really exciting for your first time. You're like, yeah, like I'm going to get a sponsor and I'm going to be able to represent them and stuff. Versus when I did my first deal with Taco Bell, this hasn't been the first time. I straight up tweeted about it. I was like, hey, Taco Bell is sponsoring one hour for me to promote their quesarito. And I'm going to call it the hype hour sponsored by Taco Bell. We're going to play H1Z1 and everything I do is going to be related

to Taco Bell. And I'm going to oversell it. And like I just told everybody up front, I told Taco Bell that's how I was going to do it. They're like, yeah, I mean, whatever makes it good for you. Just, you know, talk about it. And people loved it. People were like spamming the shit out of the email loved it so much to talk about came back that's the sole reason they came back for the second deal was because i feel like i was so up front with the fact like hey guys if you help me out this is really gonna help me out they're paying me good money this is the first big company to work with me the viewers are like fuck yeah i don't care it's an hour of our time and you still do the same thing. Like viewers are different too. If you were to go back three years, there was this like sell out money,

whore witch hunt type thing. Yeah. And, um, now they're all like, you know, yeah, it's,

they do this professionally. It's their prerogative. Like it, there's a culture shift in that. It's okay to make a living off of this thing. Whereas it didn't used to be. Did anyone not see that coming, though? I didn't see the viewers changing.

I saw the content producers changing, but I thought it would always be this delicate balance with how to keep the viewers happy while making a living. It just always seemed to me like we were the early professional baseball players where Babe Ruth gets paid 50 grand a year and then you look forward 30 40 years and these guys are making multi-million dollars because of endorsements and whatnot it's just it's a slow transition it's just like somebody has to get

up there and prove that it's worth paying money for people to uh view whatever the hell you're viewing in front of there and And Babe Ruth was that guy. And, like, yeah, 50 grand was great for his time. But let's be real. Like, Derek Jeter makes. That's true. Yeah, to $100 million a year. You have players like me that were doing pretty well in the old time where all you had to have was a pulse and the ability to swing a bat

to be successful. And they would not survive in the modern times. I just wouldn't. It's a very good... I don't know if that's true, Taylor. I don't know, Woody. You're being complimentary. I'll tell you,

I think tonight you've been awesome. Yeah, you've been on the ball. You've been making me cry several times. I've had tears coming down my face. I nearly died 20 minutes ago. No, that's not a rare occurrence. All right. I don't see any reason why you wouldn't crush it today.

Although... Maybe I'll start it back up. I will say... Use the same game plan. Just don't do it. What's successful nowadays? Like, is it the personality stuff? You could look at the very top in PewDiePie,

but chasing trends is not the way to go. If I start making videos again, I'll tell you what it'll be. It'll be me, right? It won't be me trying to be PewDiePie. Not to, I guess this is throwing stones, but I feel like that was Lefty's mistake, right? Lefty would look at what was popular and do that. And while there's something to be said for that it he also took a lot of fussing you know like the reactions aren't fake i'm trying you know he was always defending his

reactions they're not fake this is who i really am but it was so against his the analytical side of him that people expected that now if i do videos it's just gonna be me you know me talking about things that i like you know what i've done lately it's so pedo i discovered the reddit subreddit called teenagers hang with me here yeah let's go to this one i need this to follow through all right so there's a subreddit called i get a link for that yeah let me um our teenagers because this is yep this is as soon as you said pedo i saw kyle's face just like wait yeah woody what are you doing with this you're outing yourself it's gonna be red word i don't know if you want to include your love for our teenagers hang in there um so our teenagers a little fuck on the top left left yeah so teens I'll link it

Not link it, I'll show it In our teenagers Now I don't know what's on there this second Let's see if people can see the emo hair guy But they're teenagers And half of these posts Are like right up the Mail Monday alley

And I don't post here much Because I Feel like I don't belong like it it's not a place for dads like it's that's not supposed to be the thing but every so often they'll be like hey guys i wish someone told me my high school grades were important i've got a two three four right now i've got good test scores and i feel like i have no future and And I'm like, this is my fucking jam. I need to reply to this guy. I had worse grades than he did. And good test scores. Like, I know the scope from here.

He is in what I called achievement debt. Right? Throughout high school, he slacked too hard. And game's not over. Life is long. And this is what I wrote out for him. Like, you know, man, I had worse grades than you. And I was in achievement debt just like you are. You can go two ways from here. You can,

you know, just continue to be an achievement debt and, and you'll get the girls that settle for you in a rented place and this and that, or you can dig yourself out of achievement debt. And you're not even that deep two years of community college. Then you can go to four year and no one knows or cares where you did your first year. Anyway, I see some of these things and some of them like what does this currently have this scumbag teacher it's going to be some minor complaint how about we go to top all that way like that's not going to change and everybody can go and view what top all is because i'm on top this month and this shit is super off like i don't want to be here what's 1D One Direction shouts out to what's that dude's name

Zach Rip I will cut for you can't believe you're gone so long oh gosh oh did one of them die yeah wow whoa that would have been crazy no he just left the band so I'm not seeing what I'm what I saw before what happens I posted my own

here I'll link the I think I'm in the what I saw before. What happens? I posted my own. Here, I'll link the, you click that link. I think I'm in the right spot. I just posted it. So I posted my how to choose a college major here because it's appropriate. And it was really well received. So I came back every so often to sort of check and see, like, is it still on the, it got voted to the, like, top post. And I was like, oh, I wonder where post i was like i wonder where it is now i wonder where it is now and as i see these things every so often there's like like people in need

who are right up my alley like i don't not the little stuff not the not the one direction but um god damn it it's not that way right now but it was i'm new to this subreddit and uh yeah i don't know every so often it's like this these guys are in total need of an old guy wisdom and yeah anyway that's my new thing so let's look through the top ones of teenagers this is so uh what exactly what i thought pandering, douchey comment from the start. Adam Kotzko. It's a screenshot of his tweet that says, We ask 18-year-olds to make huge decisions about their career and financial future when a month ago they had to ask you to go to the bathroom.

Fuck off. It's called growing up. We all had to do it. Learn to take responsibility for your actions. This one was on... Are you guys familiar with Black People Twitter? Yeah. Yes. I hope you are because it's the best.

It's hysterical. Anyways, this next one was straight out of Black People Twitter. The Ha Ha Priceless. Ha Ha Priceless. There was one where the guy wanted to ask this girl to a prom, but her parents said no. And I didn't reply to it, but the parents said no because they didn't reply to it but the parents said no because she didn't they didn't want her dating she had strict asian parents and uh i'm like dude i totally know the answer to this you got to set the timeline if she wants to go the parents are worried she's

gonna like slut it up or something if you really want to take her to the prom be like dude i'll pick her up at nine i'll bring her back at 11 parents concerns are alleviated they know where you are and what you're doing you You didn't have Asian parents, though. Me? You don't know that Asian parents struggle. That could be a whole new ballgame. It could. I could be wrong.

I don't know. That could be like, oh, you want to dishonor grandma? Well, fuck, she's dead. A whole new level of guilt trip. I feel like I don't fit in with anyone. I don't know. I'm not seeing the kind of posts that I saw before, but I was like, this is just my jam. These are all kids who need advice that's easy once you're long out of high school.

There's families where you get home and they throw acid in your face. Some sort of honor killing might happen. Oh, my God. Did you see Neil deGrasse Tyson's tweet on this? When students cheat on exams, it's because our school system, which he capitalizes

both, I guess astrophysics doesn't include a course in English, school system values grades more than students value learning. Capital students. Nobody has ever source edited a tweet ever in the history of ever.

So that's gotta be legit. What did he say again? Can you read it again? When when students cheat on exams it's because our school system values grades more than students value learning no shit we have to value grades so that people value learning people aren't just going to benevolently learn nonsense that they're not cared about for the sake of it you have you need to have a grading system. Sorry. Neil Grass to Tyson. Neil to Grass. I love it.

Tyson. God damn it. Who was the Khaleesi married to? Carl Drogo. Did I get it wrong? I thought I nailed it. Yeah, yeah. Carl. What's his name? Are like Khaleesi and Tyrion and then there's just Carl. Carl. What's his name? His names are like Khaleesi and Tyrion, and then there's just Carl.

In my head, I was like, oh, fuck you, Carl Drogo. What's my dog's name? His name is Dak. Okay. Yeah, it rhymes with snack. I got it now. Took me years. Carl.

What's his name? Well, this is full of some angsty shit. But his title is Carl. K-H-A-L. He's a Carl. A Carl of calls I'm hearing Carl Anyone else with me?

Carl No one else is with you Dude I got to So I'm in book three Maybe two hours in or something And I got to the part where The grandmother is talking to Sansa

And the granddaughter Like the Queen of Thorns Is talking to Margaery and Sansa And They They had the band play really loud talking to Sansa and the granddaughter. The Queen of Thorns is talking to Margaery and Sansa. They had the band play really loud so people couldn't eavesdrop. That was the worst section of the audiobook so far. How painful

was it to hear the guy sing about the bear or something? The bear, the bear, the hairy bear. It was worse than that. And by the way, the point was to have the band sing loudly so people couldn't eavesdrop. So they'd be talking to each other like this. And then all of a sudden they'd bust in like the bear, the bear. But trust me, I gave you one tenth of it.

It went on like for like a minute or so. It was painful. When Woody would have preferred if there was a sentence there that said, The queen made the man talk loud so no one else could hear. And then Sansa told her everything that we already know. We'd be like, okay, next bullet point. Let's keep moving. I discovered the 15 second skip.

And whenever like a fool starts talking or someone starts singing, I'm like, bap, bap. It helps a lot. There's stuff that's painful. Some of it's short, like when a crow talks. I hate it, but it's only three seconds. Some of it's long, like when fools sing.

Oh my god. I'm 20 hours into 20 hours. book one. 20 hours? Yeah, I have accelerated my consumption. Yeah, you have picked up your pace. So, Woody, you said you're just starting

because I have not seen a single episode. I've not seen a single episode. Really? We're on the audiobooks. So I've seen all of the show and now I'm listening to the audiobooks. My motivation for listening to the audiobooks is i'm interested in what happens after the show i didn't realize when i started that it was like a 120 hour journey to catch up with the show it is i might

have underestimated it it's like the books are dozens of hours oh yeah well soon you're going to surpass the show any reasoning at this If you keep listening at this rate. In book three? I mean pretty soon as in like when you finish book three get into book four. You're going to pass the show easily. You'll listen to all this and you will wish there was more.

I'm only like 22 hours away from there. Wait where are you at right now Kyle? Like 20 hours into book three. How are you liking it so far? I love it. It's great. Oh hours into book three i'm how are you liking it 20 minutes i love it it's great oh isn't book three the best so far is it the best it started crap it started with something about chet doing whatever you're with me right that was awful no no i book storm of swords is the best book in the whole series as far as i'm concerned as far as excitement the first 30 minutes of the audiobook is all just the first 30 minutes woody you're judging

off 30 minutes 30 minutes is nothing for a book like this yeah 30 minutes is awful but i'd see i'm only four hours 20 minutes in so 30 is like a notable section of where i am so far how long are you in dude it's a 47-hour audiobook. So you're four hours and 20 minutes in? Well, that's not fair because I finished the 30 and the 37-hour books already. But you're four hours and 20 minutes in is the important part about this.

Of the third book. He's making a pot joke. Oh my god. I see. Four hours and 22 minutes. Is there a reason you guys are going audiobooks instead of just reading the books themselves because i can multitask i'm sorry kadi want to go first you can drive you can drive and listen to it or you can just relax and listen to it and

also the the narrator if you will's name is uh roy de trees and uh he does accents for each of the different characters when and he switches back and forth and he's no like a master of accents it's not like dana carvey's up there and it's they sound completely different but he's got like probably eight or nine different voices that he kind of shares around between characters no slouch i might put the number higher and he got it he broke like the guinness book of of World Records for accents Kyle's just saying they're kind of similar but I don't know how different like 70 accents can be and the main characters all have to me very

distinctive accents like you know if you watch the show you almost know them by face sometimes because their names are impossible to remember like oh alright that's the old bearded guy that's the young bearded guy that's the medium aged bearded guy that's the young bearded guy that's the medium aged bearded guy if you're listening to the audiobook you you kind of know him by the accent to me like ah like tyrian for example of course i know his name but he sounds like a leprechaun

and you know jamie lannister sounds like you know it's for certain to darius denarius i don't know but i like I hear their accents almost like I recognize their faces. Look, when you don't do names, you find ways to survive. I love you, dude. I don't do names. You've listened to dozens of hours of this and you still don't know what

Daenerys' name is. I'm gonna back up Woody on that, man. I've watched TV shows and not know the main like the supporting actors you don't understand what you're saying tucker but it's also a first person book and so every time you get to a new chapter like it'll say it'll there'll be a break and it'll go tyrian and then it begins with tyrian and so it goes Daenerys. And then it begins Daenerys' chapter. So there is, it's inexcusable

to have it wrong after one chapter. That's different. That's so fucked up. The points of view change often as well. So oftentimes he'll say, Daenerys didn't know what to do. She wasn't quite sure. She shook with fear.

So like, I have heard Daenerys targaryen's name spoken at least a thousand times at this point i'm 24 i'm like 80 hours into these audiobooks or something like that i've seen every episode what he just has an interesting thing i think i might be retarded you just have a serious problem remembering names that that could be a real thing you just you can't remember names because sometimes i'm convinced that woody is in for the long con of fucking all of us because there is no way that an adult man can get names from so many different shows and mediums wrong so consistently there's no way it's funny there are areas where i will be consistently the smartest guy in the room right like when i was doing

software architect architecture at cisco everyone looked to me to make sure it was done right yet i still don't know denaris's name i get it denaris yeah you got it yeah yeah great job well it helps six times in the last six minutes but yeah yeah and and it's not carl it's call c-a-l almost well k-a-h-a-l you have to think of the first word as a title so it just like if you were saying king drogo or print drogo he's but he's a call yeah i hear you i i don't know. There's just something about it. I find it so insta-boring. I just move on. Like, can you get past the saying of the name? I can see how that happens

with Daenerys, since she has seven sub-names that follow up everything. In the show she does, I haven't noticed that in the book happening all the time. You want to talk about a lot of names. Daenerys' posse has the most ridiculous... There's like Belros the Strong

and old Greybeard and... Strong Belros. Strong Belros. With all the mini cuts on his... He's like, I let each man cut me once before I kill him. Count the scars, Khaleesi. That's good, man.

That was really good, Kyle. Thank you. I'm trying to get comic book girl on the show. Roy Detrice is definitely not going to survive to the next book, so maybe. Roy Detrice is going to die before George R.R. Martin because he looks you know, Tucker, you've watched the series, right? I have

not seen or read a single like are you not i am a virgin oh my god i know how good it is but i need in my life a series of shows like anime where i can just not give a fuck what's going on just watch a bunch of people scream at each other and then beat each other up in skimpy outfits that That's what I need. You better get your notepad out when you start watching Game of Thrones. Dude. I mean, I might read the books. I would read the books before I watch the TV show. You might be surprised what you're taking on. The books are

a thousand pages each. I understand. I'm a huge reader. I love to read. If you're a big reader, you will tear through these books. They are so entertaining. You're just... When you finish the series, or what he's written up to so far, he's only had five books of the seven. You're going to get to the end of it and just wish upon a star

that there were more pages. I haven't been reading as much as I want. But my big thing is I watch shows and shit when I travel. I watch them on the plane. I'm on a plane tons. That's where you have dead time. So I watch a bunch of shows. But I can't watch tits and murder on a plane.

You can do that. I promise you that works. You absolutely can. I've done it. It's not as prevalent as others are making it seem. Because I just get the impression I whip that shit open on my laptop and the grandma next to me dies she's gonna be like oh the red wedding it's coming soon yeah everybody know what it is before there's so much viewership uh everybody watches it you're you really miss out on a big part of pop culture only slightly i feel like i am i'm walking to my car and it's

raining and there's a dog in front of my truck. It's like a little black lab mix thing. I get up to it and she rolls on her back and she's all just really, really sweet. I check her collar and she lives nearby. She's only like three houses down. It's in the rain. I drag her all the way over there. There were some complications.

It took me like 15 minutes to lock up the dog in their fence. And then I hop in my truck and I go to the new house. Anyway, I thought that was the end of it. And then just recently, I wish it was here. I got a thank you card that the owners knew I returned their dog. And they wrote it in the first person of the dog. Like, woof, woof. Thank you so much for returning me to my fence in the dark.

I'm a smart dog and I can figure out how to get out. And they explain it. I had no idea anybody knew that I returned this dog to the fence. And they gave me their cell phone number so that I can call them. And in my head, I'm like, how did you know this? You're like Littlefinger with his spies. And I hope they get the reference I wonder it's a popular show you didn't say Littlefinger

though because he doesn't have spies it's Littlefinger does have spies he does have spies Varys the spider there's more spies he is literally the master of spies he is what you would call Var most little fingers because people know his name Varys is more I just feel like it's a more subtle reference I hope your neighbors read this shit and they're just like who the fuck is little finger

like this neighbor's weird as shit let's not talk to him but it's popular shit dude you have dozens and dozens of hours of top notchnotch entertainment. It is one of the best TV shows to have ever existed in mankind thus far. I feel like I'm missing out. I do.

Have you seen Breaking Bad? I've talked to Tucker enough to know that he likes this kind of shit. I'm sure. And you would love this. But you've got to read the books first because I know your kind of personality. No, have him read the books, Woody. Have him read the books. Dude, it's not that he's wrong

and especially if you're a precious reader that's fantastic but um if they told me like what do you really should read the books for i'm like seriously there's like a 7 000 page entrance into watching these shows yeah i think that's like that's not like a requisite information yeah i don't know the big thing is with the audiobooks, you have to listen to it at the rate that that old fogey can read it. I don't mind that. I know, but that's my issue.

I understand what you're saying, Tucker. If you're listening to it, I would get so antsy and just want to know what's going on. I want to know what's happening. I read so much faster than that old fuck can read. I do too. because you read in your head obviously it's also don't sit there and pause on annoying shit right like if i was reading that scene where the guy sang i'd just be like read read read skim read read read or um no you can't do that no no no

totally do that and then and or um there'll be a sound effect like a fog horn and that's not a literal example but like a boo and uh oh oh so the watchmen blow horn when they see wildlings right they blow it twice that is like a minute long event in the audiobook just of this really annoying uh and i'm like oh my god oh my god have a point here. You have a big point. Woody has a point because it takes me out of the moment when I'm reading it. No, it brings me into it.

Because he does a good thing. It's and you're like, oh shit, it's going down. It does not sound like that. It's 12 times longer than that. It's this old guy going and then john said to his friend that they wouldn't be going to fight that day and then the trumpet sounded

hello hello it's like this old fuck isn't doing the trumpet it's justice and so it's taking me out of the moment like this isn't a war trumpet i'm's justice. And so it's taking me out of the moment. Like, this isn't a war trumpet. I'm with, yeah. The problem is none of you guys are capturing the length. It's like, halloo. No, it's deeper. Halloooooo. It's not even true. No, not even true.

And then again. Continue for the people who are driving to work. How funny would it be if Woody is somehow listening to it at, like, half speed? That's not the case but yeah no the guy I would I would like him to talk much faster I tried speeding up the book but it didn't it everything got high pitched it was just wrong and and you know I just wish he was a speedier guy it's very rare that I'm bored with what he's talking about it only happens really when it's a character that I just really don't care about. There was a part of Sam's story

that at first I was like, I really hate Samuel Tarly, this fat guy. But then all of a sudden there were like White Walkers and Fire Arrows and like, he pissed himself three times within literally an hour. He he saw he sequentially

saw three things that that top sounds like like first he saw like like like white walkers tearing men apart with with fire arrows in him and he pissed himself and then he sees like a giant zombie bear with the flesh slothing off and the man stepped forward and with a mighty overhand slash that nearly took the bear's head clean off. And then the bear took his instead. And then, like, another thing happened. Each time he's pissing himself again and again, and I'm just... I get tired of that, because I just don't like Samuel Tarly that much.

But most of the time, I love it. Like, I don't care how much exposition there is. They could tell me about Haron Hall an eighth time. They could stop and tell me about the bricks and the mortar and the king that built it. And the whole thing was storms in the same way. I like it all. I don't mind. I'm not in a hurry.

I didn't start. I'm listening to a 47-hour recording of an old British man talk to me. So I'm not in a hurry to begin with. I don't mind. I like every little shred of My whole life exists in a hurry. That is my default state. But that part can... I don't know. I listen with headphones

and they're super comfy, so I listen for like three hours at a time and my earlobes don't go down. What headphones are you listening with? Are they earbuds or those? Okay, what do you got? Are you listening with those? Are they wireless?

No. They're on-ear. You're a cup guy, right, Jericho? Yeah, I'm a cup guy. Every time Razer's like, hey, we got a new headset. I'm like, is it over-ear? They're like, it's sort of.

I'm like, I'm not wearing it. I refuse to wear on ear headphones i can't do it yeah i really like these i bought them a while ago what are they let me get the number they're akg or something akg q701 they're not that cheap i think they were like, which for audio stuff isn't that outrageous either. But I especially like that they're light and I can wear them for a long time. They do have good reviews. They look a lot like the SteelSeries headsets. Oh shit, they're originally $500. Is that right?

Yeah, AKG Q701 Quincy Jones Signature Reference Class Premium Headphones. $479 down to $183 with Amazon Prime. Oh, yeah. Okay, so $183 on Amazon. Or $184, I guess. And different colors there. Like in the black, like I have, it's $220-ish.

I mean, either way, like, yeah, they do look good. I just, I feel like I, I feel like regardless of how nice a headset, like I had a pair of Seinhausers, you know, they were like $700. I didn't personally buy them. They were my friends. But like for 150 bucks, like the Astros, I just, I wear them all day, every day. I've worn them for like six years. I just don't, the square ear pad, I just can't find a similar every day. I've worn them for like six years. I just don't the square earpad

I just can't find a similar headset That's as good if not better Comfortably and does all the same purpose shit as the Astros that I wasn't the ear pad on the Astros that was uncomfortable over time It was the top center thing like oh, yeah Like I was always yeah or too low or yeah, I end up when it starts hurting I rotate it back Mm-hmm. I was good was gonna yeah you kind of like shift it because this is just like uh it's just plastic with like a padding same those the a40s yeah these are the a40 xbox editions i modified mine modified sounds a little extreme you modded

yours bro do you see these little pads that i'm gonna lie i. Do you see these little pads? I don't know why I'm yelling now, but these little pads, the top center ones would... I'm off center. The top center ones would bug me, so I just ripped them all, cut them off, and now it doesn't really press in the center of my head. And this is my favorite headset I've had ever. Yeah.

So their studio model, which, like, reference, and for you guys that would matter, but for most people it doesn't. But they're supposed to give like a really accurate sound. If you were to get like Beats by Dre, for example, they really emphasize the bass. So if you're a guy who makes content, you might be like, oh, that's not the bass I'm looking for. You know, tone it down. And then you realize the bulk of the world, it's not enough bass because you've got bass heavy stuff.

These are really flat, neutral response. So it should be right in the middle for, you know, you hit your mark when you listen to it. It's what it's supposed to be. If someone's going bass heavy, then that's on them.

Do you not, um, with that, I've had that kind of conversation with my girlfriend. I've had it with gold glove. I've had it with other like older com content producers. All of them are just, no, I edit with my headphones on. I run my shit through headphones like the Astros, and then I plug in basic, I don't know where they are, iPad or iPhone earbuds because

that's probably what most people are listening on. Then I'd play it through my monitor speakers. There's not a huge variation, but sometimes if you have background music, an extra couple percentages on Vegas will really fuck up having iPod earphones in versus the regular stuff. But I feel like what you said is entirely down the line. See, that's too much effort. My approach was to edit it and then upload it and then wait for a comment that

said i can't hear anything or nothing sounds right and then i would take it down and upload but uh that's that was the most efficient channel was x caponed right x caponed yeah that's good lefty branding there x k a p o w-P-O-W-N-D-X-X-X-69. There wasn't a three in there? There were seven threes in there, actually. So your guess as to where they go. Try and find my channel. I have six I's.

I'm not much better. Oh, yeah, you do. I-I-J-R-E-E-C-O-I-I. Right. Or branding decisions. Aye, aye, Jerry. Co-aye, aye. Right. Or branding decisions. You didn't go to the Woody School of Branding. That was, like, the first thing I did. My YouTube channel was Vanguard underscore non, I think.

Something, or maybe just without the underscore. I'm not sure. And when I first made my channel, I was like, well, let's do this right. So I got Woody's Gamer Tag tag which matched my gamer tag and then i got the twitter then i got like i forget what else i got but i registered like a bunch of things at the same time and now whenever i see a new social media that like might go somewhere like oh let's squat it in case i want it see that's not fair to compare it to me and tucker if i were 62 years old when i started my channel i would have done that too because I would have known.

I would have saved everything. But we were butt chillins when we started. That's fair. My name was literally made because I wanted to be a montage maker and it looked cool in the kill feed. But to my credit, I did go out and i have the same branding on every social media forever amazon twitter instagram facebook all of it is the same so that's like the one thing i did correctly versus gold glove tv or gold glove or gold glove tv with 2v you know like i keep using brennan i hate you brennan he's not gonna watch it either way uh yeah i feel like that's the one thing i

did right versus you have the best name and everybody understands how to spell it when you say, Woody's Gamer Tag. Like, people are like, okay, I can fucking spell that if you tell me it. Versus Murka Durka or I.I. Jericho I.I. What the fuck? My original gamer tag was Matt.Woodworth. And every time I entered a lobby, people were like, what the fuck? You're using your real name? Or, your real name nice ones would be like

hey Matt my thought process was all these people are jerks you know I am NOT a jerk and I will give you my real name and behave like someone who's not using anonymity to be a douchebag. And then I realized that what I actually was was just really old. You're such a dad. So I went with Woody's gamer tag and it just sort of fit into the whole Xbox culture a little better. But equally as simplistic. but equally as as simplistic i fucked mine up because i my first my gamer tag at the time was al capone and then i made that because al capone was taken so i said x capone or did capone and then i got or maybe it just started x capone who knows and it turns out that there was another guy at the time named al capone al capone yes yeah who

did stuff and i didn't realize until after i made it and i was like god i look like a real asshole now it looks like i'm trying to copy this guy and it turned out like yeah he made like montages and shit and i wasn't doing anything like that and i just decided to change it because i was too much of a little squirrely bitch to stick by my guns and the best part about that was all he did was make one montage and he was on grizz's friends list and that's the only reason everybody knew who al caponeage was and you could have kept al capone or x capone and been the better caponeage because he stopped after like i know and i i looked back on it i could have been Al Capone instead of fucking Mercaderca, which I made after a night of drinking

where I watched Team America. I'm glad that's how you came to grab your name. No, it wasn't a very thought-out thing. Did you guys see the Super Troopers 2 thing? That looks like... The Indiegogo? Everyone's excited about it, but I didn't really look into it.

They did an Indiegogo to fund a sequel, and they asked for $2 million, and they funded it in like 24, 48 hours, something like that. It was like $26,000. They hit that $2 million mark. They had so many cool, expensive perks. For $35,000, you got the police car they use in the movie. Only $35,000? I mean, you get a car

yeah i was gonna say like i mean it's like a pretty good crown vic right like yeah fucked up get a crown vic with 98 000 miles on it one of the things um there was uh there was a way to be an extra in the movie there was a way to like have them be your like best man at your wedding uh i think there's one where you get to go compete with them at an actual beer fest drinking event. One of them was taken. Yeah, there was lots of cool ones like that. And then cheaper stuff like posters and digital downloads and stuff like that.

And they funded that thing fast. I will never again do one of those pre-orders. Someday you might get it deals ever. I've done two. I haven't even been that burnt. I did Ouya, the gaming console that was going to revolutionize. Holy shit, what a bad idea. He's got one.

I have two. You have two. Nice. Do you like them? Like? I mean, I used it once. I'm looking at it right now. So you love it. That it one more time than me i literally never like i opened the box saw it put it back in the box i had all it took like

nine months to get there so i lost all enthusiasm for it over that period of time and then the xboxes and ps4 either dropped or were about to so this dumb thing with the power of a phone was stupid and i ended up selling it on ebay and losing like 100 bucks or something like that either dropped or were about to so this dumb thing with the power of a phone was stupid and i ended up selling it on ebay and losing like 100 bucks or something like that the other one i bought was a usb cord for my iphone and um it was just like a better cord like a quality one it had like a nice braided cable and like the the connectors were really durable and i was like i'll get this thing it's not that much more than a regular cord. It took eight months for it to arrive.

Eight months. But the kicker is, every 10 days, they'd send me another email with a status report on how excited they were about how it was about to come. And it's like, I got dozens of emails on this USB cord. And I'm like, oh my God. This is like a $19 binge purchase from almost a year ago. Stop the spam. I don't care. It's not an important item. My life doesn't revolve around phone charging cords like yours seems to.

And I got it eventually eventually and it's fine but jesus christ the the weight and the status and the uncertainty of it ever coming i no stick to amazon kickstarter is not amazon it's not that's the biggest thing that nobody ever wants to mention is indiegogo is actually worse than kickstarter if a kickstarter project does not get funded all your money's returned so kickstarter was uya so i invested in that with like the hundred it was just the guarantee you get yours day one i was like fuck it like it plays games i like androids maybe i'll plug it in and use it as a uh because they didn't have chromecast when that thing was announced i was like maybe i'll it in and use it as a Twitch streaming device because it had Twitch integrated.

And so that's why I did that. But Indiegogo, if it doesn't reach its minimum goal, they keep your money and that's it. Like there's no like, you don't get your money back. You don't get any, like they keep your money. That's it. It's like almost a Ponzi scheme. What happens if they hit the goal and they don't build it I don't know about that which is why I had not invested into the

super trooper stuff because the last couple Indiegogo campaigns that got like no notoriously big suck dick and like either didn't deliver on the project or didn't hit their goals so then people are like, I spent $100 on this perk and you fucking didn't do anything. What else has Indiegogo done? What are their big ones that have failed after a lot of support? Remember the potato salad guy?

Yeah, the dude who just wanted I want $35 to make potato salad. If we get $100, I make more potato salad. If what how much if we get a hundred bucks i make more potato salad if i get 250 i'll post a recipe for my potato salad and all you can make it if i get 500 we're getting business i'm gonna be making my own potato salad you're all getting a little and like it kept going and he got like 24 000 or something ridiculous like that

and he was like well guess i make potato salad now to be fair like that was hilarious like even he was like fuck it i'm making potato salad like it was just some dude who's like i don't have any spending better to do i better make potato salad i loved it it was great that's different from like if super troopers got like imagine if they got $1.9 million and they're like, fuck, we didn't hit our flex funding goal. They'd have donated the money themselves just to get the ball rolling. They might have.

Anonymously or something like that. I hope they make a good movie. I hope it's good. The last three movies they've made other than Super Troopers have lost money as far as the box office go. Broken Lizard. What have their last few movies been? It was like something

Salmon that made like $119,000 like Swinging Salmon or something stupid like that. I know Beer Fest didn't make very much money. It cost... It broke even. Like barely. It was something like that yeah and um there was club dread thing and that was just terrible i think that also

maybe broke even we're talking about like three hundred thousand dollar movies and stuff like that that make a hundred thousand dollars when it comes to some of the later stuff so it's hard to get a studio to to back that kind silliness. But Super Troopers has such a loyal like kind of fan base. Like I know when I wish I had seen earlier, I'd have probably gotten something. Was that the one with McLovin in it? No. Oh, what am I mixing it with? Super bad. That was super bad. Oh, the snozzberries taste like snozzberries. Super Troopers is with the the state troopers who are all kind of a bunch of

misfits and lots of gags and silliness. It's the first scene where they pull over the kids in the car and they have a bunch of pot and shrooms and then they pull them over and stay behind them. Then they pull around from behind them and fuck with them. Then they pull around again

after they make the guy eat all the shrooms in the pot littering and then that guy in the back yeah when he's doing the littering and yeah the guy in the backs leans up and says the I'm freaking out oh it was like a really it was like really cult classic exactly but my thing was if you can approach a studio with a dedicated i think i saw it was like a 10 million or like five million dollar budget and it made 200 million dollars if you can approach a studio with the same cast and realistically the same people and then they turn you away for Bare-bones funding of two million like there's got to be something fucked up with your script like maybe it's not that funny Like maybe there's an issue

Pitches are weird. I the guy who played the chief died What the guy in super troopers the guy who was like the chief of the main guy the main state trooper guy what's his name did he no he's not dead he was an x-men too oh yeah i saw a couple pitches like described on reddit recently that i remember one of them for aliens kyle did you see this too um i've been reading a lot about aliens because that neil blonkenkamp guy is making a new alien movie and i've been reading a lot about how they that Neil Blankenkamp guy is making a new alien movie. And I've been reading a lot about what they're going to do about the canon of the first four alien movies plus Prometheus. But I'm not sure what you're talking about specifically.

So the pitch for aliens was they had made the movie Alien already. Now you know where I'm going. And Alien wasn't like this big super hit or anything so they didn't expect aliens to or alien 2 to be made you know it just did okay but um it might have been james cameron who made it it might have been the star trek guy forget his name uh with the flare effects but um yeah the poor guy i love the flare effects but um yeah the poor guy i like the flare effects star trek and super eight he was like he was like 12 years old when that movie came out no then he did the current ones yeah the guy who does the current all right so oh yeah it must not have been him so anyway um

uh yeah so what he does they're expecting this big pitch on how they're going to make Alien 2 marketable and stuff. And so he writes Alien on like a whiteboard or something. And he looks at the executive producers or whoever makes these decisions. And he puts an S on it. And then he turns the S into a dollar sign. And they green light it. That was like his whole pitch. And it's like it's interesting to see what works and what doesn't.

Right. Some people will come with whole PowerPoint presentations on the marketing and the toy strategy and stuff. And other people will just draw a dollar sign through the S and bam. I did the first alien did well. It made 180 million. That's not how the story goes. Maybe.

I wonder if that, if it did better over time. Kyle, the dude, the director did die. He died March 1st. He died this month. Not the director, the chief. Yeah, I thought so. That's why they're doing this. I bet they had him. I bet they were like,

you know what, let's do this. We've been talking about this thing for years. He always wanted to make. I bet that has something to do with them doing this this now i'm dying that's a shame and it was jj abrams is the fucking star yeah man yeah alien i don't know why they would say alien didn't well because it made 180 million dollars and it was now nominated for seven academy awards that year what was that budget what was the budget because a lot of the time they don't give a fuck. It's just budget to... $18 million. I don't know. It's weird.

Somebody didn't like it. I don't know why they wouldn't really like that. Movie budgets are weird, right? Only 100% return? Ah, scrap it. Sometimes they'll make a movie for $2 million. That's a low budget. A mid-budget is like $30 million.

It's like, $30 million? Where did all that go? And then there'll be a movie with a $ a low budget. A mid-budget is like $30 million. It's like, $30 million? Where did all that go? And then there'll be a movie with like a $150 million budget. And you're like, that is a major undertaking. $150 million is a tremendous amount to spend. How much was that? Wasn't that a billion? I don't want to throw out that.

That might be sales, not production cost. Let's see. What are we talking about? Avatar, like the production. Oh, Avatar. Yeah, I have no idea. All right, not production cost. Let's see. What are we talking about? Avatar, like the... Oh, Avatar. Yeah, I have no idea. All right, you're right. It was $237 million was the budget.

I didn't like that movie. Well, the joint production of a total of $500 million. Did you guys like Avatar? No. It was Pocahontas. It was way too preachy. And those goddamn lizard-flying horse shit animals were surprising the planes. Oh, I run a fucking military air force, but we all fly at the same level,

low enough for these lizards to take us from the sky. Oh, and we have technology. Why don't you just go up into the stratosphere or something? Lizards can't get there. Fuck you. You don't you just go up into the stratosphere or something lizards can't get there. Fuck you You can't be you're the dude who when we were watching What was it when we're watching like Iron Man and he makes he literally like his core is failing and he's like I gotta make A new element so I can survive and so he just like makes an us CERN arc reactor in his house and like makes a new Element that's incredibly radioactive and shoves it in his chest you're that dude who's like that's not real

it's so silly see there's a difference between questioning supernatural stuff in a movie where being like oh you couldn't actually power your iron suit with a stone like that's silly because you need to have a suspension of disbelief but when there's a purportedly high ranking

military official who's fielding an assault on a bunch of disbelief but when there's a purportedly high-ranking military official who's fielding an assault on a bunch of savages on a you know fucking grass your field of a planet disbelief ends at creating a new element not there's an alien race that we're like raiding for material no no not i'm not even i'm not even suspending my disbelief there. I'm fine believing that. I'm just not fine believing that they would all attack on the same plane and allow all the... They were flying below the cliffs. There were cliffs above where they were flying. It made no sense.

It seems like a poor strategy. It doesn't seem good. And that's where I can't suspend my disbelief. All they needed to do was bomb a tree, right? Now, I know if the US... No, you can't bomb a tree from more than 80 feet in the air, apparently. It just seems like bombing a tree

for a serious military is a very easy task. Yeah, it does. Not when you have savages with spears and stuff, Woody. Like, come on, man. Oh, yeah, and they can have sex with the ground with their hair. Fuck you, this is silliness well that i was okay with that but just like look if you gave me those that equipment and i was my

we're all part of the planet man like i i my father hated that part the most that my parents saw that movie and they saw the obvious um you know i don't know parallels between that and like environmental crusaders and they just they're they're those people who hate anything that the democrats like like oh are you pro environment well i'm now fuck environment we got plenty of that environment to go around. God made plenty. The crusty, white-ass people. Yeah. I don't... Whenever I hear those climate change deniers

and stuff like that, it really frustrates me because it's like, you can't even beat sense into those people. Like, the guy that threw the snowball in Congress, like, what the fuck is your problem, old man? Are you retarded? To be fair, Kyle,

there's no evidence that it exists oh my god ever jesus does not descend and be like there is actually global war young earth motherfuckers oh god they legislated they legislated more efficient light bulbs right that's a thing now you can still get the other one so i don't understand how the legislation works exactly but they made it so that the the popular light bulbs are now like leds and compact fluorescents and stuff upon hearing that this legislation was coming my parents went out and bought a lifetime supply of old-fashioned light bulbs incandescent for life dozens and dozens of light bulbs that so they would just be able to never use um you know that the new light bulbs uh my thing is like they would do that did you tell this story the last time i

was on because i swear you were about like i i knew that where that was going like we repeat a lot of stories here i mean that, that's got to be it. I know these ones are more efficient. I know they're better for the environment. I know they're not going to leak mercury. The cameras are about to turn off. Yeah, go fuck yourself. I'm going to buy incandescent for life.

I can't wait to lose this shit. No? No. Where's your timer at? Four hours and five seconds. No, not the show because we talked before. No, no. The show, we started at We started at 6.40.

Like, 6.42. My time. So, that's 8.42. Three, two, one. Does somebody have an automated bot set up for you guys? That's it. I didn't join the Did I not join the call right yes

someone else owns this here's the deal after four hours on skype the camera's cut off holy shit holy shit so you have to hit the camera at the bottom and bring it back now you guys will never get my camera again for the rest of the show. Sorry. My XSplit takes it when the camera's cut off. Are you sure? Relaunch your XSplit because I'm using XSplit as my Skype camera. I can't relaunch it because it'll cut the recording and stuff. I'm recording locally with it. So I need to start the Skype call and then I can do the XSplit thing.

All right. Do it. Yeah. But the people can see me because I have two cameras it's just that you can't anymore kyle that's so crazy i can't believe that that's like a thing that happens yeah you can only do video calls for four hours and we we talked i guess people could probably do the math but about 20 minutes before the show started yeah we started at 6.40. We started 19 minutes.

We had 19 minutes of chit-chat amongst ourselves that no one will ever hear. It was good stuff, too. It was great stuff. You guys are missing out. So many sellouts. You would be shocked at the top 10 things that Taylor Mercadurka has done.

The top 20 things more likely you're right you gotta click through every single page though yep and i grade it from easy to horrific oh no oh i'm still a little upset by some of the stuff we watched tonight on that site i really that that baby getting run over i really really didn't like that. The guy with the head getting cut off, I had seen that, and it still is really upsetting to me, and the animals getting peeled apart. I was talking shit about it, but seeing like the poor little

rascal move his head, ugh. I had forgotten about it until you brought it up again. Me too. I've been mulling it over. I got a new gun. I got a new gun. Is that a. cricket yeah I know that gun yes a little he's shooter what do you do with that realistically Kyle do you like sit on your porch and just like fuck it let me shoot this out this is this is for a video tomorrow and not

pink but I want one of those that might be my son's first gun. It's a single shot, right? It has no magazine. No magazine. As a first gun, it's cool because you can put a round in there, they shoot it, and then you know it's unloaded.

Right, which is safety. Yeah. Yeah, also if you're shooting like squirrels or something, that's a great first gun. Yeah. Learn to value accuracy. It'll teach him

the meaning of death. You know, he'll have to go pick up the carcass and realize that's what he's done. What are you going to do with your son? You're going to take him out there with a.22 and he shoots a squirrel and you're going to go pick up the carcass, fulfill the deed.

Eat it! Eat it! Dad! I don't want to see it. You're not a real man. You have to use every bit of it. Ground the bones to make some meals. I't want to see it. You're not a real man. You have to use every bit of it. Ground the bones to make some meals. I really want to buy Colin his first gun and take him shooting and stuff like that. That's a thing I look forward to.

But I feel like you need to be really confident that your instructions are heard and followed. That's how you know your kid's ready for a gun, when you know that he'll hear and follow your instructions. Yeah, you don't fuck around with a gun. And I'm not there yet, so I don't know when that'll be but i mean has he shot before colin no no no that's you know that's a thing you could do like i i know like my first shooting was at like 10 or something and i was an idiot maybe um maybe start with like a pellet rifle and everybody wears eye protection there you go nobody died in that scenario Yeah, that's a good start, too. The one thing about it,

I think, are they one shot at a time? Yeah. No, it depends on the pellet line. The vast majority are. The vast majority. Break them down. Like a good one, you break the barrel down and put one pellet in

and snap the barrel. Mine's not good. You have to pump it pump it pump it pump it that's that works too get a new one it was you can pump those things so many times like it says like 10 pumps or 20 pumps on the box i've pumped one 300 fucking times before just saving it up for the next bird my father-in-law got the pellet gun because his property was being like damaged by gophers and squirrels. Not squirrels, but like digging things. What else? Would there be groundhogs?

Vermin. Vermin. And he's like, you know, he sort of has to handle his property. It's six acres and they're making holes all over. So he gets this pellet gun as like sort of a safe way to handle it. And like he'd spot like a groundhog or something. He's like, all right. A clunk, a clunk, a clunk, a clunk, a clunk, a clunk, a clunk, a clunk.

The groundhog's run off. The racket is bothering him. He never killed anything with it. He had to get an air-driven one. You may as well have a bow and arrow with those ones that you have to pump 10 times. I had a BB gun like that when I was a kid. You had to pump it like 15 times. By the time you got to like 14 or 15, it took so much effort to pump it like 15 times, and by the time you got to like 14 or 15,

it took so much effort to pump it, I'd have to go get my grandpa or my dad to finish it up, because as a child, you can't do that. The noise and the time gives an animal ample warning and ability to escape. Yeah, and if you do miss and it doesn't notice, you just have to hope that it doesn't notice the subsequent click, click, click, click, click.

Alright, I'm going to get mine too since Tucker got his. I'll be right back. I got a couple. I've got this pellet gun. This one's an airsoft rifle so it's not going to kill anything but we do have this it shoots at like 320 feet per second so it might.

This is like a regular straight off like you you reload through the barrel it's a bb gun shoots pellets and all that shit i feel like this would be the thing that you give colin to shoot shit like you can't after you shoot it like there's no there's no like let me just go ahead and like shoot woody let me just go ahead and miss the target again like you shoot it once and that's it there's no ifs ands or buts like it's got it's a pellet gun versus like a bb gun or uh airsoft yeah you have you're in california right tucker do you have any actual guns no for various reasons including getting swatted so i'm not trying to get like shot on sight when somebody's breaking in.

Fuck, it's the police. I'm not big on guns. I got this from my father-in-law because, like I said, it didn't fit his purpose. Oh, yeah, I see that right there. And I showed it to Kyle and I'm like, hey, Kyle, did I get a good one? Is this like, you know, how cool is this? And we figure out the model and everything and he says woody if you're not careful you might wound a bird

what did you link uh that's what i'm shooting uh tomorrow there's one upstairs but it's too big and heavy to get down here holy oh that thing looks awesome oh you told me about this i'm still at the promo how how big is 20 millimeter kyle can you give like a comparison for someone who hasn't ever held a 20 millimeter shell 50 caliber is uh 12.7 millimeter uh are you shitting me you can see the round on the ground uh next to. Oh my god. The brass is your hand. It looks girthy. Yeah. That's like a PTRS from World at War.

Yeah, and that dude was running around with it. It's a lot bigger than the PTRSD. That's like a 14.7 millimeter. I'm just watching this dude wind up this piece of... Holy shit, that's the casing. Yeah. That looks like a steampunk themed gun. Like, that doesn't even look like how something should look.

That's crazy. That's gonna leave the biggest hole in anything. I hope so. That's absurd. Can you even shoulder that, Kyle? Like, not you personally, but can a person shoulder that and fire it? I'm gonna try to, but it looks way too heavy i can't

shoulder my 50 cal i was gonna say 50 cows don't they bruise real like real bad all right well kyle's like no fuck you bitches no i i've never i haven't been bruised by one either but it was on the ground and with a bipod and everything i'm sure that helps what do you like what is 50 cows very heavy i could shoulder kyle's, but mine, it's heavy. I'm not sure anyone here would be able to shoulder mine. Like, it's heavy. I'd like to try. If you could, it'd be right on the edge of what you can handle.

Like, it's heavy. You think you can do it, huh? I think so. I'll give it a shot. The biggest gun I've ever shot that shoulder fires a 20mm Anzio, which let me just show you what it looks like because it's absurd as well.

I'm desk popping like crazy. Does this count for anything? It's a little unnerving. It's a single shot. It's not going to load accidentally by itself. We're good good i was saying what i was saying like this is like the standard like the bb gun where you reload through through

the joint in the uh the barrel yeah because that's not like yeah where you break it down and then you pop it in there where there's no chance of like a duplicate shot or like this one you like delicately place it in that spot and then push it in gotcha so it's a similar like it it's pretty hard to accidentally what the fuck is that so because there are so few of these in existence i'm almost positive that i shot that i shot this very one um can i share this yeah this one it's got 18 million views i'm i'm not positive that i've shot this one but i just know there aren't very many of these that exist and the one that i shot was also black also had a suppressor on it and was also on a bipod and all like this and well why is there not shoulder that gun it weighs 100 pounds i could no scope someone with it yeah 360 somebody

why is it so rare kyle um the only one guy makes them in florida it's it's a it's a custom made rifle one guy in florida is it special to like anyone can buy a 50 cal right uh in in north carolina anyway it's a long gun it's as easy to get as a shotgun or a.22. That cricket and the.50 cal are the same. Is this thing different? I think maybe it is a destructive device. I haven't thought about it in a while. Yeah, I think that's a DD because the projectile is bigger than.50 cal. Jesus Christ.

It pushed his entire body and the gun back like six inches. it pushed like his entire body and the gun back like i shot that i shot that thing like maybe six or eight times in the span of like i don't know half an hour and my shoulder made a clicking noise whenever i did this for like a year afterwards it legitimately did something bad inside my shoulder oh you make it sound fun the dude is holding his shoulder like before he shoots like by the third one he's like keeping himself in place yeah i did the same it really hurt badly uh but it's incredible when it hits something so i'm gonna play with uh it shoots the same bullet as the thing i'm shooting tomorrow have you seen this ultimate fails compilation with the girl's butt are you getting this yes i know exactly which one you're talking about and i I have never watched it. The one where she's, like, diving into an ocean or some shit.

There she is! I see her! I fucking know which... No, I've never seen it. I've seen that, and there is very little butt action in the entire video. It's long, and I'm... It's an 18-minute long video with 162 million views, 326,000 likes, and only 40ikes it's only it's an awful video if you're if you want to see that girl jump in and what happens to her i don't even know where

it is but it's a four second section of the 18 minute video the thumbnail doesn't represent what happens in that video probably lands on the like it's too shallow and that's the end of something like that i forget but it's be worse than what we've already seen tonight. No, it's not. Why are you the one that's reminding us all this? I had happily forgotten what I had just put myself through until you... Never forget.

Hashtag never forget. It was terrible. That was absolutely terrible. I'm surprised I was... I thought maybe Kyle would be the least bothered because he did well in it bothered I didn't like that stuff it was too much gore for me we usually watch gross stuff but not gore that was all gore

maybe that's the thing because the gore didn't bother me that much the one that bothered me most was the girl eating the penis I thought wait the girl what the dick cheese thing that one was the worst for me, but I don't understand why. The whole idea of it was pretty straightforward.

Girl licks an unclean dick. That's it. I don't know why that had such an effect. She seemed really not happy with the situation. That girl didn't like eating that thing. She was unenthused about all of it. Yeah, well, then she's not life material. Yeah.

That's great. You find someone that's not willing to lick the cheese from your dick. So gross. Absolutely foul. Wow. Alright. Yeah, I'm thinking thinking do we have one last topic to help us get the four hours or oh wait oh i have one you got it this is um this was an ask reddit question which i think will ease us in the last seven minutes. Males of Reddit, how did you react to the first time you saw

a vagina in real life? Positively. The top rated comment is, huh? That's really low down. But I had figured that out before I saw my first vagina in real life. Actually from a, there was like some 1980 computer animation

that me and this dude saw at the same time. Like we downloaded it from a bulletin board before there was internet. And it was just like a cartoon guy having sex with this girl. And we were both like, that vagina is low. Like what's the scoop with that? And his younger sister walked in, who wasn't terribly than anything you know maybe 14 or 13 or something and uh anyway she's like nope that's where it is and i wanted to correct her but her being a girl and everything i thought maybe she'd know you didn't ask her to prove it right then and there my best friend's sister

well he was curious as well I'm sure wow and there in lies the incest plot ex horno that was when I figured out it was really low I'm trying to think see there's a difference between the first time I like got a chance to touch one or whatever and the first time I saw

one well yeah that's definitely an important distinction because the first time you're in the vicinity like getting action in that way reaching the hand down the pants that is the first thought of like how much further down do i have to go until ah well this is not what i expected like it's it's not where my dick comes out yeah definitely i feel like uh i feel like a big part of that is how old you were. Because when I was, like, I guess I was 15. And, like, the first time I touched, saw, or did anything with that vagina was the first time that I had gotten past first base.

So it was kind of like an all like in one thing where you're like I've discovered this cavern and like okay here we are like there was no like I thought from all the porn that I've watched that this was not here or like even not that I just I thought this should be higher up I don't know it's kind of like a I like reached down there I was like I should grab some part and put my fingers in something. The only part that would do that is this gaping hole. Let's just go down that way. That was the go-to. Grab some part and put your fingers

in something. Probably what I was thinking at that point. Just kind of like, meh. First time I touched one, god, this is an awful disclaimer to even think that you have to make. It wasn't rape or anything, but I know what you're going to say. awful disclaimer to even think that you have to make it wasn't rape or anything but uh i know what you're gonna say so she was touching mine and that was good to go and i was

enthusiastically willing and i was touching hers and she just wasn't making the kind of room like like her jeans were unzipped and everything but it was tight she was wearing tight jeans so i could barely like you know work my magic down there i could barely work my magic down there and i'm like come on baby see how accessible i am i'm being the role model that i want you to be you know like and uh yeah so the first time i touched one i didn't really have all the the room i needed in there to to make things awesome. That's true. But the most important thing to remember about that experience is that it wasn't rape.

As long as we got that established. I feel like she wanted to halfway let me do it. She definitely wasn't resisting or doing elbows. Oh, she wasn't plausible deniability. Far away from this topic as possible. She wasn't working elbows or anything. And if anything, she maybe had her knees apart apart but she didn't have her jeans down i hope she had her knees apart otherwise there's no question about your first statement but she had her legs together closed real tight and she was saying please no

but it just like i just felt like she halfway was down. Or like, you know, like, wow, right? This sounds awful. But yeah, she was like, I don't know. She was grabbing my junk. I mean, she wasn't complaining or anything. Or at least she was. I couldn't hear through the duct tape. She just, yeah, it was like a yes, but it wasn't like a, you know,

let's make this easier for you kind of yes. You know, and I was like, oh, fuck. I don't know. So it didn't go very uh you know let's make this easier for you kind of yes you know and i was like oh fuck i don't know so it didn't go very far this was in what year oh god 1941 yeah so completely different cultural area the 80s that was yeah dude in the 80s rape was funny don't you remember nerds the movie right you just swap out the geek and the hot guy and the moon bounce and anyone can fuck her just wear a costume was that the one where they like created like a chick that came out of their computer or some shit no that was called weird science this was revenge of the nerds is what i'm talking about and uh in it like there

was two fraternities one filled with the jock guys and one filled with the nerd guys and at the end the nerd guy the jock guy's wearing like a darth vader costume that you can't see who's in it so the nerd wears the same costume and then with the costume on sleeps with the jock's girlfriend and everyone cheered the nerd. Go you! This is fantastic! Look, you raped this girl. She doesn't know who she's consenting to. So funny. 80s movies.

Pro-rape. She was okay with it afterwards, though. She said that he was better than ever or whatever. And he's like, well, I'm a nerd. All we do is think about sex and all jocks think about is sports that was like the takeaway but um but yeah first time i ever touched a vagina i uh jeans were too tight fuck you levi's never working with you guys like uh you probably were levi's back in the 80s oh man good man. Good thing that... I'm glad we clarified. Not rape. You guys make me...

The takeaway is not rape. That's the takeaway. When I said that, you'd be like, that's kind of a not uncommon first experience where there's plausible deniability or whatever. Heck, I remember... No, it's not uncommon at all.

The only thing that's weird about it is that you prefaced it with sex. If you hadn't prefaced it, it would have just been like, oh, okay, that was Woody's first sexual experience in 1919, after the Great Wap. When I first started having sex with my

wife, who wasn't my wife at the time, she used to say no, and I would stop and she's like what like don't stop i'm like look you can't say no and she's like no i like like no no no and then you you know and it's like no i wouldn't that that's not this game it's full-on consent we don't play the plausible rape game we don't play that game yeah it's like it's gotta get written consent with contractual obligation to have sex. That's what we do.

I can't make the rest of my life contingent on how you're feeling tomorrow. You can't play that shit. I guess she liked... It was almost like a playful giggly, like, don't do that. No, no, no. Yeah, yeah.

It's either yes to that or we stop yeah more harder that's what we're looking for in the background taylor yeah taylor what do we gotta do yoga yeah it looks like a little bit of yoga going on i see feet i see is there a body back there oh my god another core video a body no i don't know it's uh it's my girlfriend laying down playing pt trying to solve that puzzle she's playing pt casually laying on the floor in your living room because that's not yeah well she's played it a lot already we both have and she's trying to like finish it up and get it correctly with all the combos because it requires a bunch of nonsense and shit to get it to go right.

Is she a completionist? Yes. I am not, but she is definitely. I just want to get the game done, man. My wife does that. Not so much lately, but with Lego, she would just get every achievement there was to get. Oh, yeah. That's how she is with all of her games. She will not

stop playing even the worst games until she has all the little gamer scores And I'm not a ypt that game is nightmare. Yeah Well, she's a huge fan of Silent Hill. He's like the whole friend things PT player Playable test playable trailer play, but yeah, something like that something like that label something playable trailer play but yeah something like that something like that playable something a playable teaser who knows that's what it is no no no that's what it have you have you not heard of it it was like uh what was it like eight months ago yeah it was during e3 right yeah around then it was uh what do you i think we talked about this you know the new silent hill

thing on ps4 downloaded it's incredibly scary you're just walking through the same hallway over and over trying to solve puzzles. Babies in a fridge. Oh, yeah. Babies in the sink. And in the fridge hanging above the foyer. But, yeah, it's a fucked up game. That game's fucked. Not ringing a bell. I might have Alzheimer's.

Oh, very well. That's the greatest segue. Alzheimer's. I don't remember killing a baby in the sink. Like, hmm, this might be the thing that does it for me, Doc. Maybe we should check on that. Yeah. See if there's a Dr. Carl Drogo you can look at.

Yeah. As we have these conversations and I hear what everyone else retains, it's like, how did I make it this far in life? Like, I apparently am really really dumb it's a terrifying thought us aging gentlemen out here like it's a terrifying thought but no it's not new don't worry it's not an age thing 17 year old me would have been like i used to call everyone by their last name because i found them easier to remember and uh i remember some guy kind of gave me a hard time in class was like does anyone in your world have first names?

And everyone laughed. And I'm like, whatever, Argo. Fucking, I knew his name was Donnie Argo. That's how everybody referred to people in high school was I was Bowner and Schmidt. And, you know, you just, you just refer to people with their last names. It's not too odd. No, not really. I got called out for it maybe you just

suck it well i was in the 70s so good i was born then yeah you're literally two times as old as me how old are you 21 i just turned 22 like last week well then not literally the ratio is going to continue to shrink for the rest of our lives. I know, you're so happy about that. I don't know, it's inevitable. One thing that's changed in my psyche is athletic participation. Even through my 30s and stuff,

I used to wonder how I'd do. I'd see pro fighters and obviously I couldn't hang with them, but I'd wonder, how would it go? How long could I hang with them? I used to watch pro hockey players and until you stand up at the glass, it's hard

to get a grasp on the gap between them and regular hockey players. And then I was like, I think I could participate in warm-ups. I can skate that fast. I could receive some, not all, but some of those passes that they're giving each other.

The skate around where they just shoot on goalie, I mean, they'd know who I was in that I'm the one that's not the pro, but I think I could not embarrass myself in a warm-up at the pro level. You think you'd outperform?

No, they'd fuck with you and make those passes so hard and right on the ice that it would almost knock the stick out of your hand. Yeah, I've played with pros before and they make you better. We've talked about this before, but dude, just they would drill it.

But they hit me on the tape, so I hardly had to even pay attention to receive the pass because their passes are so fast and so perfect. All of a sudden, you've got to break away, like it or not. And then in return, I would give them hard passes, but they would suck and be in their skates behind them. And they just do this hop, skip, diagonal skate. They pull the stick in, just fuck with it a little bit and

they're good to go yeah or literally they they like drag a skate behind and kick it forward to their stick and it was like that was an awful anyone else would have like gone backwards and been like a check target but not these guys it's uh yeah playing with pros is ridiculous. It's a disgusting skill gap between the highest level of what you can do and the highest level of what people can do. It's just – I did a – I was in Olympic development for soccer back when I was, like, really, like, pretty good at the game, and then we played against the local, like baltimore soccer club you know fucking pro team i have never felt such a skill gap between like 17 year old me and like 21 year

old professional player in my life you know i'm thinking i'm hot shit like i you know we're state champs and i'm the captain of my pro of my high school team that is kind of hot shit locally but yeah yeah locally yeah but then you get on this this field with like the people that do this like this is their job and you're like oh fuck this guy made me look like i am a six-year-old on this field like there's just it's it's not like oh this guy's a little bit faster a little bit bigger a little bit strong a little bit smart it's just like it's just a whole different skill level it's weird to it's like something you have to experience about how disgustingly good they are what they do the like what do you this is probably the kind like what pros were you playing with because this is a gif or jif whatever of probably the best player jif yeah of vladimir tarasenko of my saint louis blues best goal of the year

just dominated all of them there like it's ridiculous how skilled these people yeah the fucking puck like wobbling around he even he's like oh fuck it isn't gonna hopefully it stands up straight right here he's gonna knuckle puck it in they weren't this good so i played with two nhl guys i don't remember their names but they were in their late 30s, early 40s by the time, like the Journeymen. One guy I played with played for the Hartford Whalers, right? So he was older. Oh, yeah. And then I played with a couple, two, I think, AHL players, which is the minor league, right below, you know, but right below the NHL.

But one of them had played the previous year. right below the nhl and um but like one of them had played the previous year so he was like on par with what i'd call a 40 year old nhl player you know because he was still young and fit and stuff and um yeah they were just a whole nother level they're very very good and they made everyone around them so good like it's their passes and their awareness and they fix mistakes. And yeah, they were just, they're just phenomenal. Oh, and I was talking about aging. The thing now, me at like 42, when I watch pro sports, I just sit back and appreciate and don't feel at all competitive with them. I'm not playing that game.

I'm done. I'm past it. It's like if I see a UFC fighter, an NHL player or something like that, there is no comparison about how I do. I'm just it. It's like if I see a UFC fighter, an NHL player or something like that, there is no comparison about how I do. I'm just a fan. I'm there to appreciate what they do. And like my mindset has changed somewhat. That's a pretty big step because there's a lot of people that don't make that step ever.

Do you do it? So you're still you're you're 21, 22 now, right? 22 now right 22 now do you watch a soccer team and say like huh i wonder like what would happen if i was dropped in there so one of our family friends was one of the top recruits for uh soccer they went to chapel hill and they and as a freshman started in their seniors now and they've been starting he's captain he's great he's amazing um and he was you know he was always like levels above me and since i i got hurt with my mcl and acl my senior year i haven't been like yeah let's like go out and play it because it even hurts like going upstairs sometimes you get

that twinge and you're like i'd really not like to have acl surgery today that'd be great um yeah exactly but like just going to his house. I vividly remember going to his house. We were in North Carolina. He lives in North Carolina. And his team was having a tryout day. And I was on vacation, but I had my cleats. My mom and dad and them, they wanted to go out to dinner.

I was like, fuck it. Let me come out to your tryout day. Let me just have some fun with you guys. And they were, at the time, they like the 15th best team in the nation and i was like how much bad how much worse can i really be if we're on the top team in our state and i just got out there and it's like what you'd imagine you know you put like a high school kid out there with people that do this professionally it's just like you're there's like even if i'm the same age you're just not at the same physicality you're not the same mental capacity as these people who seem to do this for like six hours a day every day it's it's almost disheartening because like after that i went back

and i went to my mom i was like they're so good like what's different about them like are they just running like soccer to me seems like a lot of just running with the ball and i mean hockey seems like a lot of skating it's just like all, so there's this one play where a guy, if you know, all right, let's just, for Americans, let's imagine a football field, all right? So soccer field's probably about 30 feet wider. So imagine from one side of the football stadium to the other, somebody kicks a ball in the air, and you can see it.

It's kind of bending towards you and whatever. This guy, without a touch, without a hesitation, while the ball is coming towards him, volleys it with his left foot and then puts it right in the top corner of the goal from outside of 18 yards. There's a box. It's an 18 yard box.

And then jogs away. Like, yeah, scored a goal. Not like I just scored the goal of my life. That was fucking crazy. Like, I mean just, yeah, scored a goal and everybody's like high-fiving him life that was fucking crazy like i mean just yeah i

scored a goal and everybody's like high-fiving him and i'm on the sidelines on the bench like holy shit this dude just scored the goal of my life like i've never seen something that good and he's like yeah dude this is normal and that's where i was like the skill difference is insurmountable like you have to either be a professional athlete that's what you do or you're a guy who likes the sport and you do your best like there's no in between there's just it's an insane gap it's crazy yeah and that the thought around how much gap there is no longer enters my head there's no thought of me dropping in the octagon and wondering how i do no my place is fanned that's where i belong you know and and like that's something that's changed over you know as i got older it just yeah that's that's

where i should be watching appreciating pretty good though at least that at least now you can enjoy the sport for a spectator sport instead of being like yeah dude i totally would have totally would have made a better pass right there. Every once in a while. Right? Every once in a while. Not, of course, the good plays or the average plays or whatever. But when they flub it, it's like, that's not something I fuck up.

Right? Come on, man. I'd make that throw every time. Yeah. Yeah. Like that particular thing. I guess I'm lying because it just happened to me. Sarah Kaufman went up against Ronda Rousey.

No, it wasn't Kaufman. Whoever she just beat, Zangago or whatever. The UFC fight, yeah. She left her arm out there like a gift for like six seconds. And I'm like, even I don't make that mistake. Even like holding a headlock behind you. But the girls, sometimes they have less experience than the guys. I don't know.

Yeah, for the most part i just sit there and yeah it's a change in attitude so wild card yeah wild card i gotta be really painkiller already episode 223 thank you so much for coming tucker dude thanks for having me it was fun the first time fun this time can't wait to if there's a next time to figure out what the hell surpasses cum snorting and decapitation literally there's nothing else that can ruin me that's great anytime come back man you're a funny fuck absolutely awesome love it guys yeah great time thanks guys bye all