Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #228

Episode Date: May 7, 2015

This week on PKA, Chris Hansen fails to show up to scheduling complications but the guys play with drones and discuss suicide and the Baltimore riots!

And we're live. PKA episode 228. We have two sponsors tonight, but no goddamn guest. This episode of Race Wars is being brought to you first of all by Crunchyroll.com. I'm sure they're going to love this ad. They're going to love it. Crunchyroll.com slash PK. That's our code, folks.

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Absolutely. So we were supposed to have Chris Hansen tonight, and I don't think we've completely called him a no-show yet, although he is over an hour late. I swear he's an hour late, over an hour late. Guys, settle down. We didn't pay him for this. Wait. It's not like he's –

Yes, we did. Yes, we did, you son of a bitch. So here's the story. I think Chiz originally found that Chris Hansen had this Kickstarter thing to kind of reboot to catch a predator. It's called Hansen versus Predator, I think. And I noticed that for $500, or maybe Chiz noticed, we had the same idea that for $500 we could get half an hour with this guy. And we actually pledged that money.

We tweeted about it a bit. And Chiz got in touch with Chris Hanson's people, and they thought it would be great for him to come on the show and promote the whole thing and maybe give us more than just the 30 minutes, hang out for a while and do a full-on hour or so interview. He's supposed to be here tonight, but he's been a no-show thus far. So it's possible he'll pop in. Then it's possible that he won't.

He's not responding on Skype. His agent's not responding. We may have a Hodor situation here. You should title the video Chris Hansen question mark. So that all the people who are watching this right now still don't know if he's coming tonight because none of us here now yes we don't know we did they won't fast forward or drag the track to see they won't do that to be fair chris hansen could just be dealing with some deviant right now you know i'm sure

he does that in his free time he should be dealing with three deviants right now. Anything nefarious happening? I hate that. People will post in like the first five minutes. They'll be like, oh, at the end, Taylor's really drunk. And it's just like, why didn't you let it properly develop? You needed to see mellow Taylor. You needed to see belligerent Taylor. You needed to see zany Taylor and then sleepy Taylor.

Swing right into full blown Lefty hating Taylor You do that You don't get a full grasp of the situation That's many people's favorite episode It's also many people's Least favorite episode Me included

I love it And I think I like it and appreciate it more because i had internet issues that night and i wasn't on i was on for like the first 20 minutes of the show i knew that you were drinking i knew you were you were throwing some jabs lefty's way but it was the next day before i knew like the shit had hit the fan yeah i texted with taylor after i'd seen a bit of it and i was was like, dude, what happened? He's like, that is literally the drunkest I have ever been in my life. And I was like, all right, fuck it then.

You know, who cares? Anything you say when you're that drunk, it doesn't really matter. And let's be honest, everything he said was true. Who knows? I don't. It's true. Why is everybody afraid to admit that? I swear, I wanted to explain what happened with the lefty leaving thing. I was even practicing it in my head in the car. But I'm afraid it's a boring accounting.

Taylor doesn't even want to back up his own words. And I'm out here like, yeah, fuck lefty. Here's what happened. I swear I can nail this in like 30 or 40 seconds. Good, because we're on very strict time constraints here. So Lefty was an equal partner in the show. We split it three ways. Taylor was not on the show at the time. And when you split things three ways, the expenses get split three ways and the revenues get split three ways. I forget what month it was, but hypothetically,

for example, let's say it was June and July. So in June, he was a partner where we split everything up, and in July, he became an employee where we paid him a set amount. The nice thing about being an employee or contractor is you don't need to know or care about the expenses. So here's what Lefty did. He said for June, there was this money pledged

toward Patreon that we received in July, but it was pledged in June, therefore I should get a cut of that. And we said, all right, but there were attorneys fees and LLC setup fees and all these things that we rushed because you were so contract oriented that were sort of set up in June that we were billed for in july and lefty's idea

was no no no no i want all the the money coming in pledged in june like we were equal partners but those bills we pay in july i'm an employee for that i don't want any part of the bills i only want my full third of the money that came in and riveting so that's long story short like he was just asking way too much of us and many of the things that taylor said while he was had he was um drinking that episode were very much true and on point so maybe let let he was a was a nice guy he's a great guy but he was a terrible uh negotiator he wanted way too much out of the situation. Unless he wanted out, at which point he got what he wanted. Absolutely.

If that's what he wanted, all he had to do was... He could have been less of an asshole about it. Instead of trying to fuck us with his negotiation at every turn and threaten to quit weekly. I hated negotiating with Lefty so much because every conversation ended with, well, I just don't feel comfortable, so I'm not going to do any more work going forward until this issue is resolved

it's just like shit man like we're just having a friendly conversation while playing civilization five like like and now everything's like locked down like it's a fucking strike like he's gonna send the like i'm gonna have to bring scab labor in to to like work for lefty like what is this yeah it was always everything. Every corner was threatening a strike or threatening to quit. And in the end, it was just like, dude, just fucking be. I'll give you everything you want. I'll pay you all the June revenue that was promised,

and you won't have to pay any of the July expenses. Fine. You get everything. And I also accept your resignation resignation and that's how it ended i felt how long was he on the show like as a host i don't even know i don't even know either i i i don't know um one of the things i don't know if i've ever said this on the show i've told both of you before but like the situation as i remember it and my memory's a little foggy at this time period in my life,

but what I remember is that I was traveling a lot and just running around the country everywhere doing all these road trips, and I just kept missing PKA's because I'd be doing five, six-day road trips, and it just rolled right through the block of time we used. So Wings brought Lefty in because he was someone that Wings was familiar with, I suppose. He was available a lot. He was available a lot. That's a huge quality to have. As you can see, Chris Hansen, he doesn't have that quality. Yeah.

Oh, Chris Hansen update. He's not here. No. Still. When I came back more full time, when I started traveling a little bit less and doing more stuff nearby, I never was introduced to Lefty. Me too. No one ever said, hey, Kyle, this is Lefty or even maybe the guy's real name. Which we won't say.

Do you know his real name? You've told me like three times. And I've known it because I think that like he and i had some correspondence on one of his accounts that was his real name it's it's it's not a secret that i'm like oh i really want to know or anything like that but it was just the fact that like i never got to know his real name even like like he certainly knew my name was kyle like but but i never knew lefty's name i still don't know what state he lives in or is you know uh so you just never got introduced to him and then after a little bit it's just you've passed that critical point

of when it's awkward to be like hey let's backtrack to when we became co-workers who who who like didn't like pierce that veil of uh awkwardness what is your girlfriend doing back there i have to ask uh setting up to play video games okay all right can you move slightly to your left could you go like this come on Taylor well all the viewers are on my side with this so I never had anything against lefty it was just that I never really got to know the guy. And there toward the end, actually, when we started doing some PKA plays type stuff and I got more into PC gaming, I was playing a lot of games with Lefty

and I had a lot of fun doing that. But the dynamic on the show, I didn't think, was exactly what I liked out of him. And that's nothing personal. It's a business thing. And I don't know. Business-wise, it was just too difficult to to to to to deal with him i i think i put it pretty well on reddit one time i said we couldn't afford

lefty that's why he's no longer on the show he was the only one we were losing money and he was making it so yeah there was a couple months where it was like it took like three days or something for for woody and i to like make back the money that we had invested into the show and like you know get get our head above water so we actually made a profit at all and but lefty like got like i don't know like two grand or something like it seemed like a lot i forget what it was but yeah he he did he did fine for the few months before he was gone you know it would have been better in the long run to have stayed around but uh you know yeah we could do the weather that would be good i feel like lefty would be a real good weather guy um yeah in terms of his performance on the show i mean i hate to do like a lefty tarot session

sometimes i thought he was great he would um you know i don't know he would disagree with us he would have his points etc other times i felt like know, in the perfect version of the show or YouTube commentary for that matter, I felt like if you hit perfection, you're putting seven minutes of content in five minutes. At the end of it, they should be wishing there was more. It shouldn't be a job to make it through the thing. It should be, you know, go, go, go. job to make it through the thing. It should be, you know, go, go, go. And I felt like sometimes he was like filibustering in Congress, you know, just say, hey, we got four hours to fill. I'm going to spend, you know, this much time talking about, you know, with very little change in topic. And it was like, no, dude, burn it, burn it. I'd rather have two topics in 10 minutes than one. Yeah. So are those, are all those people that are burning stuff in baltimore thugs woody yes yeah and specifically the way that you asked it are the ones burning stuff yeah yeah i know all of those those those gentlemen wearing the suits and ties trying to tell people to stop

burning stuff aren't aren't uh thugs i know that those people who stood in front of the police to shield them from the protesters throwing rocks aren't thugs i I know that those people who stood in front of the police to shield them from the protesters throwing rocks aren't thugs. I know that all those guys pretty much holding signs and chanting, we want justice, aren't thugs. They can see that their community's been wronged by the powers that be, and they're trying to peacefully demonstrate, which is one of the cornerstones of this country. One of the things that we're founded upon is the right to be able to do that. Meanwhile, there's a lot of thugs out there, criminals. They're fucking awful. They're fucking awful.

I was saying before the show started. Let's play the Pizza Man video. If you want to, we can go straight to it. It seemed like you had something to interject, but it just came to me. I was like, pizza man video. Because you're right, we watched it earlier and you put it well, it's sobering after watching that. Oh, it is. You guys will see it in a second.

I was going to say something. It's easy to feel disconnected. Oh, they're on Reddit right now, like all the top posts and stuff as we record this are about how the coverage isn't fair how in reality it's all these peaceful people going they're just focused on a couple of you know bad apples here and there no people on reddit are saying this they are wow but the thing is like last i and the last thing i heard this is a day old stats pka stats you might say 15 burnt buildings and 117 burnt cars woody that's just a couple of no good nicks here and there it's they're just they're just blowing off steam woody that's all 15 buildings a guy sitting on his ivory tower uh selling stock

in his pizza place sitting on his mounds of money money. All that pepperoni cash he's sitting on, and he has the audacity to be well off. When you think of the man, you think of this pizza shop owner. I think of this immigrant who started a business with his own two hands and built it up, and then is just distraught in the video, just kind of

still in shock, looking around at what his livelihood ruined by a bunch of assholes um i'm almost done setting up the scene i should have done this in advance but we're super close it's um yeah that's i don't know enough about the situation over there to comment intelligibly about it but it does seem like it's kind of the same old thing where there's a bunch of people causing shit and there's a bunch of people causing shit, and there's a bunch of people not causing shit, and everybody

has an agenda about it. Nobody can say that, ah, you know, there's a lot of shitty people there, and we're not denying that, but then there's a lot of people doing, you know, just trying to get their voices heard. It's all either they're all thugs and criminals or they're all just, you know, standing there singing songs about,

you know, working together. Kumbaya. All over Baltimore. And it's like, this is ridiculous. And also people saying that all the footage, and I've only seen a couple short clips, to be fair, saying the footage is all cherry-picked. Like, these scenes that they're showing are too big to be cherry-picked. Like, the media's not running around like,

Aha! There's a guy who's you know spray painting on a fire hydrant look at this thug like like huge panoramas of mayhem panoramas of you know people just standing there protecting cops i saw that that picture you guys ready i'm queued up at zero yes all right ready set play where do you guys hear this guy I just noticed the second floor is burnt out oh all right I'm like two seconds behind I hit a button by accident they even stole the sodas. They were rioting so hard they got thirsty and needed refreshments. They looted a CVS.

Yeah. All the good stuff. Yes. I mean, they smashed this guy's phones. And it looks like they broke into his safe or tried to. But even his electronic... Like, the phone, right? Like, that's just an old school

desk phone and they had to wreck it yeah yeah i'm stuck in here it was just indiscriminate destruction it looks like like they weren't thinking or calculating any of this it was just a tidal wave of you know you know he's a bit difficult to understand his english isn't great but he's saying that basically that he wanted to get out and get his niece to safety. And the cop wouldn't walk into his car. He told him to lock himself inside the store, which ended up being burned down. A 14-year-old girl said... Then a 14-year-old girl sprays him with lighter fluid and says, burn the pizza man.

You think they would have killed you? Yes, yes. If I don't run for my car and... What an awful person. And I was gouged by the truck. And says burn the pizza man. They would have killed you yes So he jumps in his car and the process and the people start lighting paper from the trash on fire and throwing it into the car So they put lighter fluid on him and then threw zippos at them and flamed paper? Well, that's what the tech said, but what he just said was that they were lighting trash, lighting paper from the fire and throwing that in there, and he had to throw that out the passenger side. And he's covered with lighter fluid.

Yeah. Yeah, these people aren't going to just throw the zippos. What I'm going to do is I'm going to secure my building very good. Get a weapon, license, and everything to save myself in this neighborhood. You're going to get a gun, yes? Yes. I'm going to get a whole license. I'm going to try to save myself. Because of the situation

yesterday, I can't be dead. Nobody will help me. Nobody will help me. At least walk to my car. And that was the most sobering part, I guess. He's like, nobody would help me even to get to my car. We talked over it, but he asked the police for help. And the police said, hey, shut the door.

And I mean, it's a glass door. That didn't work. And he had to fight his way to his car. And while he fought his way to his car and while he he fought his way to his car while covered with lighter fluid and these attempted homicidal maniacs were throwing lit pieces of paper at him and kyle read zippos that's that's seriously fucked up yeah that's like that's beyond the pale they raided the cvs they stole everything but the Father's Day cards. I really don't know if this would be happening. Oh, would it?

Oh, that's a good one. Oh, shit. I didn't even make that up, which makes me not funny and racist. How terrible of you. Oh, I love such I thought after that. God damn. It's terrible. I was going to say, I don't know if this would happen

to this level in somewhere like Atlanta. I don't know. Somewhere where they didn't have his... That guy mentioned getting a weapon, getting a weapons license. He's in Baltimore, Maryland. Those are some pretty stiff gun laws. I feel like most of the shopkeepers here in atlanta like the ones who might own a pizza place or something like that i bet there's a lot of guns around here bars here everywhere here

heck one of my shotguns is from a bar yeah i had to clean it all up it had like liquor in it and he's like they're doing like on sunny in philadelphia they had loaded it up to shoot liquor yeah it like that was that's the guy you know he's like yeah here it is it was cheap and he's like but you gotta like i had to lube it and everything and sort of clean it out because it had had like scotch and whatever spilled on it over the years so i see you uh you know you changed your whole viewpoint over there. You're looking at the room from a different angle. You said you got the windows kind of in front of you now on like either side. Yeah. So I like it. Previously, my desk was on that wall. And you

guys saw that with a little door, which is on that wall. But that's a creepy little door. But the trouble was, while facing this this way i had a window over here and the sun sets there and it would like shine in on me in a like it was horrific it was worse than you know the vampire in me was dying so uh so now i am centered between two windows and uh and it's much better what he made an appearance on local newscast today. I did. I did. W-R-A-L or W-R-H-A-L or something.

I think it's W-R-A-L. I watched it. I saw your tweet. I watched it. I'm kind of a big deal. I'll say it again. You were looking sharp. Damn straight.

He's got this nice blue button-up shirt. Someone definitely ironed that motherfucker. He's got his hair on point. He's even kind of like spritzed down a bit of that. It's recovering. That front part to make it a little bit more Caucasian, if you will. And you're looking nice and you were funny. You know, you always kind of tell that story the same way. And it was cool to see on TV. Yeah. What story did you tell? It was about swatting so what happened is recently in this area um a kid in carry who's like like carry apex and raleigh are kind of three

towns in a row and um someone from carry got swatted and they got the 911 call and everything and uh i had also been swatted and i was local so they interviewed me and and uh talked about the dangers and potential dangers of it it really was a was a big deal. I could have died. Yeah, totally. Like, not just like a lot of people, when they get swatted, the police come in and they pull them off their chair, but they're like still on the keyboard or something. Or they, you know, answer the door. Um, I answered the door with a gun in my hand and the police officer they interviewed in, and he said something close to like, you know, fortunately he realized we were the police officer they interviewed him, and he said something close to, like, you know, fortunately he realized we were the police very quickly. And then they, like, cut straight to me saying they had those riot gear helmets on and it said A-Tex police, like, on their forehead.

It was either they had, like, a riot shield and then the riot helmet, if you guys are familiar with, like, the black outfits. And it was just, like, police was printed all over their gear so i could tell who it was and so but yeah yeah that's pretty scary yep it's dangerous when you put someone in that situation that's why i always tell fans like don't ever come fuck with me like it would be dangerous i could accidentally shoot you like if you were to like come and fuck with me and try to pull some april fool's day like prank like i carry a gun like like you know i i'm i'm cautious it's just it's not fun and and and if you were to and you know you're doing the worst thing you could possibly do when you're sending like a fucking SWAT team to somebody's house

you're sending like you're sending a bunch of fuck it you're a SWAT team i don't know i don't dumb it down anymore it's a SWAT team i have no idea what the guy's motivations are right he might really like me and just think it's you know funny to I have no idea what the guy's motivations are right he might really like me and just think it's you know funny to see me in that situation right like typically the motivation is to get the guy pulled off his chair he might love all my videos and etc he might really dislike me right he might be like I'm gonna do this because it'll ruin Woody's night but I doubt he wanted my children to be childless I'm sorry fatherless and my my wife to be a widow like i don't know the internet's a rough place i i suspect that wasn't his motivation i like to think i mean

there's people from the internet that i wish that upon i mean come on yeah yeah that's for sure there are some people that need a good dying but but uh but i don't kill him now there's a difference we just we don't want anybody to do anything violent. We just want them to trip and fall into some new kind of glue that the government's testing out while a steamroller just happens to go haywire. And they get smushed like a tube of toothpaste from one end to the other like in a cartoon or something. Some of them aren't living healthy lifestyles in the first place. And I swear I'm not talking about wings. Don't get this twisted.

Martin live in healthy lifestyles in the first place. And I swear I'm not talking about wings. Don't get this twisted. And, you know, I wouldn't mind just seeing them get into that DUI car crash that they're going to have soon. Yeah, there's wings case. To be honest, my hopes for him, what I dream for is for him to go silent on YouTube and on the internet for like 18 months and then to just like re-emerge as super wings and be like a fit 240 pounds or something wouldn't

that be neat yeah yeah to be like i was worried about the loose skin but now i've got these 30 inch biceps so yeah turns out it's not loose at all i can just sail like one of those squirrels. I would like Wings to get ripped, to get super pumped, and become like a professional wrestler called the Garbage Man. Like from It's Always Sunny. Remember when Frank was the Garbage Man? I'd love that. Yeah, that'd be great. I want Wings to be the Garbage Man.

Well, he couldn't just steal a name from a show that you just referenced now. No, that's what I want. No, I want him to recreate that exact scene. That's one of my favorite episodes, I think, with the warbirds and the whole thing. Or they look like chickens. Yeah, I haven't watched that one in forever. I forget how many episodes of that show there are.

I did end up watching the newest season, though. I liked it. There were a couple ones that were just so over-the-top silly that it almost took you out of it. But I like Dennis in this season more than most other seasons because it's like even more psychopathic. Like just not psychopathic, but sociopathic. Something about Always Sunny, I like to watch the characters that aren't talking.

Like they just... I get bigger laughs out of watching, like, Dennis or... Charlie, especially. Charlie. Who's the old guy? Danny DeVito's character. Frank. Frank. Frank. When Frank watches the other character, like, D-Talk, it's always like...

It kills me, man. He's confused. Yeah, he's confused. He's watching. I'm sure he's acting like he's working, but it cracks me up. I like watching those guys. There's a good scene where Charlie and Mac are in prison visiting Mac's father, who's on the other side of the glass. And Mac is saying all this stuff to him and and charlie's over there like no like every time he says charlie charlie will just be it's just like really uh subtle stuff with his face

or with his eyes i'll just that's funny lots of that i love it i love that that's one of my favorite shows uh and i love that there's a huge library of it because maybe every two or three months I'll go back and just watch it all again. That's pretty often. Yeah, I watch it a lot. I've seen every episode four or five times. Did you see that Seinfeld got... Yes! $180 million for 180 episodes.

I saw it as $700,000 an episode. I'm not sure which is right But either way it's amazing Hulu bought the Seinfeld library I don't know if you know Seinfeld It's a show that's really well acted but poorly written And

Anyway Seinfeld is fucking rich now I wonder if they're all rich Like does I know a bit about this So Larry David really rich Seinfeld is fucking rich now. I wonder if they're all rich. I know a bit about this. So Larry David, really rich. Larry David's so rich that Howard Stern makes fun of him for being rich. Stern signed a half a billion dollar contract a couple years ago, and he's like, well, come on, let's talk about that money.

He's like, I don't have that much money. He's like, but for real, come on. Let's talk about that money. He wouldn't even talk about it. Larry David's got to be close, around a billionaire or something. Seinfeld. Also, probably just crossed it. Seinfeld made about the same as Larry David off the show. Also getting up there in the hundreds and hundreds of millions of dollars.

Elaine already had some money, but her payday from the show was less than what she thought it should be when she was interviewed not too long ago I think George has said similar things and who knows what Kramer's thinking after he just keeps his fucking mouth shut he doesn't complain about anything yeah when Jerry calls him he's like yes sir

any more work for me he's got a few choice words about Baltimore. Can you get me one of those B movies? Like I could be like a frog or something. Come on. He's willing to do anything. Is he really racist?

No. I don't know. I watched that clip and all that it looked like to me is a comedian who was bombing. And he was just grasping at straws, trying to get a shockwave to get himself rolling yes screaming it was not handled well yeah uh it was handled very very poorly but you could tell that he was just trying his hardest to get a rise any kind of reaction because the audience was like they had hit a real soft spot on him when they when they started talking about his shows post seinfeld being failures and stuff

and sort of caught started calling his call him out on his comedy career and his chops and and they clearly hurt his feelings because he turned into a child and like started using racial slurs um i don't i don't know he could be racist i don't fucking know i mean he used racial i i knew a guy who played on my high school football team. This is a long, long time ago. And he started asking his black teammates for things to say that would bother the opposing team. He's like, I need some real racial shit. You know, like what would hurt your feelings? And this particular guy did turn out to be racist.

But pretending that he didn't, can see how like he was just he's trying to use it as a tool like as a revenge he was lacking anything better to throw at these guys and uh he's like you know what can i say what can i say someone told me to say something against british people what is the term for like a low-class british person is it chive or so yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah is it chive get kitty to confirm it do you call them like is it like is like a dandy like a foppish dandy I sound like British words I Huckleberry yeah a real Huckleberry that fellow British British lower class. I'm waiting on a response here.

Names. They call them dentists. British lower class. Slur. I think that's what I'm looking for. List of ethnic slurs. Chav. C-H-A-V.

It's Chav. Good. Yeah, I've seen the website. Maybe that was confusing me. I think it's pronounced with the hard C, like church. What is a Chav? Just like a douche? Yeah, I think if you're British, then it's a particular kind of douche.

If I were to say redneck versus thug versus, I don't know, white trash, you'd have a better view of all those guys. If I said dirt road white girl, you'd be you'd identify you'd have a better you know view of all those guys if I said a dirt road white girl you'd be like yes I know what that is and I think chav is that although I don't know exactly what chav is I think they're somewhat it sounds like what you would call the kind of

person who wears those plastic sunglasses that don't have lenses and just there you go yeah and and like like like like when when what do you call them and and like uh like um like like when uh when what do you call them um like like like a windbreaker like a full windbreaker suit oh a full like a track suit a full track suit all in one color felt of course yeah yeah oh there's a wikipedia page about chav it's a young lower class person who displays brash and loudish behavior and wears realer imitation designer clothes um so are they lower class or is it kind of like is it like their

version of hipsters almost where the people who are hipsters here pretend to be lower class but really they have plenty of money and try really hard to look vintage maybe like rich people over there are being chavish now everything i'm seeing is that it's actually lower class this is like a particular kind of super fashionable i thought they were violent i don't know i don't know how we got on the topic of chav you think they're not violent that's the thing every stage peaceful protests very little you know, lighter throwing. I don't know if they do. Who knows?

I thought violent was part of it, although not seeing anything that backs that up. But, yeah. I forget how we got on the term chav. Talking about the British, something. British lower class people. You're talking about insulting things to call. Oh, yeah.

Black people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. From the football, high school football. Oh, right, right, right. Oh, oh, oh. Quickulting things to call. Oh, yeah. Black people. Yeah. From the football. High school football. Oh, right. Right. Right. Oh, quick update on Chris Hansen. Still not here.

Not here. Not here. I thought you were going to say something different that time. But you got me. You got me. I think I have asthma or something. I'm going to die. Yeah.

All right. Do you want a topic? I've got this Russian guyussian guy it's pretty fucked up yeah yeah yeah it's um i have a drunk russian man in a video he he yells for someone to throw something to him and uh and that's somebody does i thought it was pretty funny i haven't seen this video but i'm gonna wager things don't go as planned. Hold on. Let me flip over the... Oh, God.

Well, the title's a bit of a giveaway. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It takes a log to the face. And I don't think this is going to be the kind of video that Kyle showed me on the internet on Motherless. Not that kind of log. This is going to be a different kind of log. What did I do wrong? Not as gross.

Probably more painful. PKA big screen. Mayweather or Pacquiao? Pacquiao. Pacquiao. I don't know. Wow.

Huh. I say Mayweather. I don't know anything about boxing. I say Mayweather by decision. I like to pretend that I know something about boxing. Shit, I'm trying to... Well, I'm sure you know more than we do, Woody, as far as just who's good, who's not.

They're both world-renowned names. They're both legends. Some people say... Let me just stop this for a second. I'll come back. Some people say that Pacquiao has lost a step more so than Mayweather. Like we're not seeing the prime version of either of them. So that's a thing.

But in terms of how age has affected their style, some people say that Pacquiao has been affected more because he's lost a fight or two. I forget how many. Me, see Pacquiao's a Southpaw and Mayweather does this thing, they call it the shoulder roll, but basically when he, most people fight like this, right? I was trained to box like this. And you get your hands up. I kind of blind myself, but I might be an idiot. Anyway, Mayweather does something different. He fights with his this. He's got it, like he hits and then he's always

defending his chin with his shoulder. It makes it really hard to hit him. The thing is he's fighting a Southpaw. So that thing about defending his chin with his shoulder is gone. He's going to be hit from this side. That's the power shot. And that's why I like Pacquiao. I think Mayweather's style is not geared towards Southpaw.

I read somewhere that he was having trouble with Southpaws. I think Mayweather has been figuring out how to beat up Manny Pacquiao for several years now, and he's in a laboratory somewhere. Remember that rap video where it's like Eminem and Dr. Dre are creating 50 Cent in a laboratory, and he's in there doing those sit-ups where you're hanging upside down, and they're just like, yeah, yeah. That's what Mayweather's been doing the last few years for Pacquiao i feel like i i'm sure they're both training really hard

i i'm sure i wonder how um like steroid tested they are like that i'm curious i don't care at all i don't care at all in that sport let them do it make it a better fight they should put spikes on the gloves for all i care like special power-ups you know what's changed my opinion on that being friends with joe joe's a clean fighter and this is ufc not not boxing and but it's like ah joe's gonna be clean all you other assholes have to be clean too also um like i've seen joe after fights and stuff like that and and as a fan everything just like stops the minute they shift the camera to the next fight. It's over, right? But as a friend, there's something going on in the back room.

You wonder how hurt they are. You worry about permanent damage and stuff like that. I don't know. It's changed the way that I look at fights. Yeah. Well, I say Mayweather by decision. I have five bucks on this with lozanne and he says mayweather too does he did he mention knockout or decision he didn't uh i don't think mayweather's

gonna knock him out i think mayweather's gonna backpedal try and get decision points for 12 rounds whatever i think he's gonna dodge so many goddamn punches that that pacquiao's gonna be tired by the end of like i don't even know how many rounds they fight too like a like a dozen or something like it just goes on and on forever until someone dies normally i shoulder rolls not gonna work baby shoulder rolls not gonna work pacquiao is gonna catch him on the chin he's gonna knock him out and then there may or may not be a rematch we'll see it's a lot of money i i think it's like it's automatic rematch if mayweather loses uh i've heard that i think joe said that but um you know there's a lot of people are like

yeah that might be a thing but whatever he'll just not automatic rematch him like you know oh i was i assumed there was a contract that was binding is floyd mayweather like i don't i don't know if this is just like a joke online that i came across but can he not read is there like no he can't he can't fucking read he can't fucking read hang on i'll get a video for you just just he's maybe we should watch the russian log video and then like we'll follow that up with Floyd Mayweather not being able to read I'm ready to go for the Russian log video. Are you ready up at zero? Yes? Are you ready Taylor? I'm ready ready set play

What's he saying Kyle throw it Give it to me! So there's a Russian gentleman trying to open what looks like a Russian version of a 40, which is probably like a 70. And he drops that, and then he just holds his hand up like he's trying to catch a beach ball. So like three feet apart, and then this guy throws a huge log at him, and it goes clear between his hands. Just right through. He wasn't even in the vicinity of catching it, and it goes clear between his hands, just right through. He wasn't even in the vicinity of catching it, and it just knocks him out. Nobody's rushing to his aid.

His boyfriend goes over, and it looks like he's going to try and help him, but really he just lifts his head up, shows him to the camera, and then puts him back. Igor is unconscious. No one cares. We can have his 40 now. That's really funny. What did I just mention a second ago? That someone can't read.

Yeah. How are you a billionaire like that? And you can't read. Is every trip to every restaurant just a shit show? of just like, I don't know what I want. Just bring me one of everything. He goes, value meals really have a lot of meaning to him. He figures out what number seven means. And if they change it on him, he's just shit out of luck.

There's pictures. Yeah. What was I going to say? He and 50 cent our friends so that like 50 cent did something where he was like yeah i'll do this if you could read it was a children's book and he fucking can't read it he can't he mayweather can't read but he's right yeah he did try it was awful um did you find anything kyle oh you did let's see all right so i could be wrong about this i may be talking out of my ass but i think the guy that you're gonna hear talking uh is host an xm radio station maybe he just sounds a lot like the guy i'm thinking of but um he has

recordings of may when you go on and do like radio show, sometimes they'll have you record plugs. So if you've ever heard that thing, it's like, you listen to My 105 and I'm Floyd Mayweather. They record stuff like that and all these voiceovers. So they were at this radio station and Mayweather was having to read the script and record this stuff. And they had the recordings. And then I think he had some kind of a falling out with the host of the show. So here we go. All right. Count it two one play so listen when i heard 50 saying this yesterday right i thought it was funny but i didn't really know if floyd could read or not

but then i thought to myself when floyd came up here to the breakfast club i'm sure he had to read drops right correct so i had our producer and if you don't know what job said that's when they just say hey this is dj i'm listening to the breakfast club right now so i had our producers. And if you don't know what drops are, that's when they just say, hey, you're listening to... This is DJ Envy and I'm listening to The Breakfast Club right now. So I had our producers pull up the unedited audio of him reading drops. Now, this is the drop he was reading. Envy, I need you to time me on this,

okay? Alright. I'm gonna read this drop. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Now, keep in mind, Charlamagne's not the best reader either, so we don't know how long this is gonna take. I need the exact time, okay? This is the time. Let's go. Okay. I'm Floyd Mayweather, and I've joined iHeartRadio for the Show Your Scribes movement to support hiring vets.

Go to showyourscribes.org, a website that connects veterans with employees and helps business find candidates with the best training. How long was that? Ten seconds. Okay, ten seconds. This is Floyd Mayweather. Wait, wait, wait. This is not nice. It's not nice. Let's shut the hell up. okay this is floyd mayweather wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait it's not nice shut the hell up i'm always sure i don't give a damn okay this is floyd mayweather reading the 10 second i heard this live just did i'm floyd mayweather and i i'm floyd Mayweather, and I've joined Heart Radio for the show.

Your stripes... Okay. I'm Floyd Mayweather, and I've joined Heart Radio for the show. He knows who he is. I've joined Heart Radio for the show. Your stripes movement to support. Hi. Okay.

I'm Floyd Mayweather. And I'm. I'm Floyd. I'm Floyd Mayweather. And I've joined Heart Radio for the show. Your stripes. Dude. To support.

Oh, this is bad. He reads like a child. He needs Rosetta Stone English. What? Oh, this is bad. He reads like a child. He needs Rosetta Stone English. But you need a common language to start with. Yeah, they're like trying to teach him. They're like, it's just like in English when... These fucking shapes. You start with shapes. The circle with the tail Means you pause

50 cent called him out That probably is enough. We can pause it there. Please. But I don't remember. Let me look up exactly what 50 Cent's challenge was to Floyd because I don't want to get it wrong. But it was basically he had to read something and then 50 Cent was going to either give him money or give a charity money. I just want to get the figures right.

Oh, it's a 15-second long video. Let's just watch it. He was going to donate the money to ALS funding, I think. Link it up. I'm linking you right now. He should have donated it to Hooks on Phonics. Yeah, he should have picked a charity that helps people read, like adult illiteracy.

Yeah. All right, I'm at zero. All right, ready, set, play. illiteracy yeah all right i'm at zero all right ready set play this is a special asl els challenge for you floyd if you can read one full page of a harry potter book i'll give 750 000 to whatever charitable organization you want to fuck the buck that's great that's gold you can read one page of a Harry Potter book on your 700 grand

fuck this water and he didn't read it it didn't happen just so you know Floyd Mayweather never read that page of a Harry Potter book no shit that's a three month commitment when you're training for a fight both of those guys we're laughing at them No shit. That's a three-month commitment. When you're training for a fight, you got to, you know. Both of those guys, like we're laughing at them.

They could buy me and not notice the money missing from their bank account. Yes, but Woody, you can read. I would trade. Ignorance is bliss. I would love to. Oh, man. I'd love to be like, that motherfucker right there reads for me. That's his whole job Leon get over here read dude

how many athletes have we seen that make like 40 million dollars and manage to be broke afterwards Mayweather is not conserving his money this guy has like an entourage with him everywhere he goes this guy he lives wealthy he's big he's got like crazy toys

and he still has tons of money he's making more money than any of those other boxers ever did because he puts on his own show you realize that right like it's he bought out his contract madeweather he bought out his own promotional contract for like 700 grand and now he makes like a hundred million a fight. He's going to make 100 million this fight. 100 million. Yeah, that's for the fight. Yeah, like the sponsorships and stuff like that on top of that. He's getting pay-per-view money.

Dude, it is so much money. It's $100 a pay-per-view. He's a lot. He gets to pay $100 to watch boxing. Yes. It's a big fight. It's a lot. You have to pay $100 to watch boxing? Yes. Watch, this is, it's a big fight. Like, like it's been, it's a fight that everyone's been asking for, for I don't know how many years.

Like, like I'm not a huge sports guy, but I listen to sports radio occasionally. And like for the last five years, I've just been hearing it nonstop. And I don't watch boxing at all. And I'm aware of the whole thing. But they're the only two that I know. So that must mean something I couldn't name any other boxers. Yeah Klitschko whatever I don't really know that many boxers the current ones his brother but Vladimir's apparently like running the

whole heavyweight division like there's no one else even close that's all I know about boxing. I think that guy just won a fight too but yeah I don't follow boxing that closely but I am inundated with information about this fight like That's all I know about boxing. I think that guy just won a fight too. But yeah, I don't follow boxing that closely, but I am inundated with information about this fight. Like they've gotten so much free advertising. Yeah, it's a big bit. Yeah, they said Pacquiao, they're like, the only reason you want this fight is because you're broke.

And he's like, let's donate all the money to charity. Mayweather's like, fuck that. His nickname is money. You know what? Pacquiao is the worst at promoting his fights I've ever seen though though. I saw this interview with him, and they're like, has Floyd ever made you mad? What's the maddest Floyd ever made you with his talking and the stuff he says about you? And they gave some examples, and he's just like, I don't get mad at Floyd. He's a great showman.

I would hope that we become friends, and I can share with him the love of Christ. Really? He says that? That's pretty much what he said. And he said it in... about like I said it. Yeah, that's what he said. And it was just like... the guy's just like... I want him to win now. Knowing that he's just trying to be a friendly dude. No, I think it's going to go really well. It's going to go well. I don't have any confirmation.

He's like, it's very good for all of us. Nice times. Nice times. I don't know. There's so much better stuff you could say. I don't have confirmation on this rumor, but I've heard that Chris Hansen is dancing at a party right now, DJed by Hodor. Oh, that motherfucker. Just throwing it out there. Chris Hansen, Hodor a party right now DJ'd by Hodor. Oh, that motherfucker.

Just throwing it out there. Chris Hansen, Hodor. I want my money back. I want my fucking money back. He technically has to give us half an hour at some point. Even if it's like some Monday morning and I'm in my underwear, I'm going to make him sit through

a call with me. It's happening. I'm going to ask him my questions. We're supposed to be here. Rebook this. I'm such my underwear, I'm going to make him sit through a call with me. It's happening. I'm going to ask him my questions. We're supposed to be here. Rebook this. I'm such a big fan of To Catch a Predator. I know I've talked about it a bit on the show and maybe I've even went so far as to say this before, but it is my favorite non-scripted TV show ever, I think. I'm pretty positive about that. When it comes to non-scripted television, you cannot beat someone's life crumbling and being ruined, and you watch their eyes fade to knowing that I'm ruined now

on a level that it's hard to get ruined. Your reputation, financially, you're going to be incarcerated. All of that shit, the humiliation, all that stuff is just in their eyes in that moment. And just when you're like, damn, I can't believe that, they bring another guy in and do it to him too. And they keep doing that until the commercial break. You can't beat it. I love it. My favorite show.

You know what else is a really good show? Do you like shows like, I know that one where you just get a little repulsed or a lot repulsed by the pieces of shit who come in. a little repulsed or a lot repulsed by the pieces of shit who come in do you like other unscripted shows or unscripted like orders where you can watch it and courage at the person who's doing it like you watch this like dumb lady who's got a whole vase full of fucking cat femurs or something and she won't throw it away and so you could just yell at your tv does anybody else do that do you get yelling your tv when you watch stuff like Hoarders? I can't watch stuff like Hoarders and most of that scripted reality stuff.

And here's why. I've been around enough video production, both professional, semi-professional, and amateur, that I can tell that like, I'm like, wait, why is there a camera already there? Or like, wait, this is the first time you just met this guy? I can see that it's all so fake, and it just doesn't make sense to watch it.

I would rather watch a scripted show about a hoarder with professional actors than this person who is a hoarder, but they're not. Are you sure you've seen a lot of hoarders, though, in particular? I know what you're talking about with a lot of those shows, like Son of a Gun or whatever, but random customer walks in, yet there's a camera at knee level catching their entrance. talking about with a lot of those shows like son of a gun or whatever but you know like like random customer walks in yet there's a camera at knee level like catching their entrance but hoarders

i don't know if hoarders is guilty of that yeah on hoarders it's not as bad the only thing i noticed with hoarders is they'll be like now we're about to go into martha's home the psychiatrist dr stevens like knocks on the door and then then there's a camera behind Martha on the inside next to a pile of dead cats. Does that happen on Hordas? And she's like, oh, hello? And there's someone already behind her filming. So that pulls you out of the moment. I know the average person,

it never even clicks to them. They're just like, yeah, this is how the world is. The camera's on both ends. Okay, keep... Oh, that's a lot of newspapers. They don't notice it. But to me, I'm just like, just like oh i see so what happened is they met two or three days they met they initiated contact weeks ago through email they went back and forth they had papers notarized and signed they had a face-to-face meeting two to three days ago there's craft services to her house there's craft services in the backyard to feed the crew.

We've had three meals together with these people already before we start shooting. We know how this is going to begin and end. The hoarder has probably been like, oh yeah, that's when I'll break down. I got a thing. The thing about hoarders that captivates me is

my father-in-law was kind of a hoarder. I get to see a lot of this stuff. He's dead now. A lot of this stuff that he had in common with these people on the show. But one of the big ones is they assign value to things that don't have value. Now my father-in-law was never gross. Like the worst things about the hoarders is they had like, like, I don't know, dead pets or like they wouldn't clean up after pets or stuff like that my father-in-law would have like I remember he had paperback books stacked from the floor to the ceiling in their basement like several stacks of it and um he had scrap metal

he had four garages and they were just filled with like metal and old wood and torn down things. And to me, it looked like it was filled with junk. But to him, that was like his children's inheritance. And he thought it was like a legacy almost. Like he'd have a children's tricycle that was like rusted and rotted. And are you eating Taco Bell? He is. He's eating some cold Taco Bell. He ate a disgusting amount of Taco Bell before the show. Disgusting. I'm sorry to interrupt your story. Yeah. So anyway, um, when I watch hoarders,

it's not so much the mess that captivates me. It's the mindset that created it you know like like i saw a woman she had like broth and the container that was in was like swollen and it was clear that like something was like yeast was rising or something like that mold in there making gases or something science something was going on in there like it's not supposed to be. It was like a box, but then like a juice box, like the cardboard juice boxes, but bigger. It was filled with broth, and it had expanded inside. I see that, and I think, whoa, how did this escape my notice? She saw it and thought, that's for the lean times. That's for when, you know, like, what if I'm that poor again?

And that's a really common threat in hoarders they they're just they're hoarding they're not like intentionally trying to be gross they're protecting themselves from their next personal like great depression wow see that's true but your father-in-law didn't you said father-in-law right yeah that he doesn't seem like the people on this show the one episode that i watched that just resonated with me is this lady they found like six dead like it was like an archaeological discovery the people who were delving into her garbage and like pulled out like six cat skulls and they were yeah they were going like into the kitchen and it's like

unwalkable you can't even maneuver through these heaps of trash and rubble. And the upstairs, one of the crew members was going to go upstairs and start cleaning that out, and it was just hefty bags full of shit and pee. It was just huge bags. They just decided, you know, the toilet hasn't worked for six years. Let's just start throwing all of our fecal matter and pee up into the upstairs. You know, we'll just not use the upstairs anymore. That's, you know, shit storage now.

It was disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. And all in the whole time, those those folks who are there out of the goodness of their hearts and their job to be like, they have to go out there with like this dead cat skull and be like do you think that we could get rid of this and they're like oh well i don't uh that was thomas and he kept me through some good times it's like so you want to keep you want to keep the cat skull i want to keep the cat well we'll put it in the maybe pile and it's like this is never going to end if you start throwing away some shit dude though we went through this like so like i said he wasn't gross

there were no like dead animals or poop or whatever but he sold his patterson house and got like a really nice house in northern jersey like in the if you go north enough in new jersey it's almost like upstate new york and um they had to like clean out his garage and stuff for the buyers and it was the same sort of thing they're like like, well, how about this? And it's like a Red Rider wagon. His youngest grandchild is like 11. And no one wants this wagon. It's rusted. It doesn't turn very well anymore.

Maybe it has three wheels. And he's like, that's still good. It's not. It's not. He can't see what's junk to everybody else. To him, it's like that has value and um uh what happened was my my brother-in-law who's he's a good guy um he went in there and he cleaned up like like someone had to get it done like it was time to move out and he took the things from the

garage and he threw them away and like you know five years later he still held like a a deep grudge about it like i thought in my head that he would like just get like wisdom to it like yeah i guess now that i think about it you know a homemade weightlifting set wasn't really that useful or valuable would you be when you would you feel when you realize he threw away like the Thai cop bad and like the Wait, you know when you watch like those Storage unit shows it's always like they lift it up and everybody's like oh It cuts to commercial. I always wait for that in hoardarders, where they're like, another dead cat, fucking some crystal Pepsi from 1991, a bunch of pizza boxes.

What? What? And just like something... The Mona Lisa's there. Yeah, the Mona Lisa's in there. Is this the Declaration of Independence? Yeah. We found, uh, under one of your shit bags, we found the Hope Diamond. Would you believe that? It's completely ruined and we can't sell it anymore

Jewel from the titanic movie who did it? Yeah, no, it's never that said no said said no hoarder ever yeah, but it did it's a real life thing No, never not once it's always like newspapers from like an event that- A day when like nothing happened really. It's like- And they're local. It's not like the Times. It's like- Yeah! It's like- New City Hall- New City Hall Library opens in Cedarville. It's like, what the fuck? That was a day to remember? Come on, Granny. Why don't we frame this shit? Let's really- Let's show it off.

Like, what the fuck is that about? It's all just garbage. Dude, do you ever see yourself in it though no i never see me i see jackie i'm like you know like i watch hoarders and i'm like you know jackie we should throw away some of your shit my thing is that i've got a lot of shoes i got a a lot of clothes. I've got a lot of guns. And I've got a lot of the things that I, if you're going to call it hoarding, that I feel like I have in abundance and they aren't organized

and they're cluttered and kind of laying about. They're expensive things. Shoes are easy to organize. I have like 40 pairs of like Nikes. And they're in a big cardboard box. They're all muddy. And they need someone who's got like three hours to kill to sit there with like a whole shoe cleaning kit and get my like $3,000 shoe wardrobe back to like rolling again. Dude, you should just buy this.

Like right now, click on the one click you got and put your shoes on a rack oh i've got a rack woody they're not clean so i just are they on the rack uh they're not clean woody he can't put them on his rack clean first and i've got more shoes in this rack and hold i'd need two of them and this looks like some assembly required bullshit kitty tried that on me the other day. She went and got this big box rack organization desktop shit. She's like, Oh, turns out I can't put it together.

You wouldn't mind, would you? I love your British girl accent. It's like one of those thousand piece puzzles. There's a huge pile of these black hard plastic things and then there's a big pile of square wire mesh and it's all got to be clipped together at four different angles and as soon as

one end clips in another un un pops and it never works it didn't work i threw it down and i was like how much that thing cost she's like 25.24 and it's like all right i'll buy you a new one made out of fucking wood like that's it like let's let's get a wood one i'll buy it i don't care where it comes from we'll go to an antique shop and get you a fancy one before i put that motherfucker together i threw it out on the porch and that's where it is now i have simply required i was waiting for the garbage man now mine updates on that mine is in in this class i gave you a new link. When you pull it apart, it gets wider. And what happened is I went on some business trip.

I don't recall which one. And sort of as a gift, Jackie cleaned my closet. And all my shoes were just lined up on a rack like this. It was like, that was a good gift. I legitimately have far too many. It's like a woman. Kyle says, you know how hard Woody is to buy gifts for? I imagine if I came back and found a fence.

That's just not happening. That's not even, no, no, absolutely not. I'm not your fencer. I'm not the one to have. Because when it comes to the fencing part part of it i could do that like i could put posts in the ground i can make everything straight i can make it tight i can make it nice but when it comes to this sounds perfect i accept your terms because like i always was an assistant fencer to like my dad and he was the one over there thinking about how like you know the fence

starts like or like how gates get positioned and how like there are certain parts of the fence starts like or like how gates get positioned and how like there are certain parts of the fence after you've went so far without any support structure if you're using and this depends on the kind of fencing but you've got to do support structures where you've got beams crossed and supported and there's a whole way to weave barbed wire and i don't know that part of the the process and that's the administrative part of i've watched enough youtube videos that i know what you're talking about like there's fencing where you drill the process and that's the administrative part of it. I've watched enough YouTube videos that I know what you're talking about. Like there's fencing where you drill the posts and then you sort of like stretch it or nail to it, whatever it's, whatever's happening.

And that part's pretty straightforward. That part I understand. And they're like, Oh, well this is a quarter post. So a quarter post gets stresses from this and that, and this is how you fortify it to stop it from leaning in this direction or that direction. And I don't really know those things. We use trees for corner posts. Like that's the way to do that. You use a tree and it's done.

You must have trees in the right spot. We do. Our entire property is lined with trees, which makes fencing kind of easy. Well, I need someone to handle a scenario in which there is no tree in the right spot. I told you, I'm not a professional fencer. I am an amateur fencer. I'm an assistant

fencer. If you needed me to tighten a section of wire, I can do that shit. If you need me to drive staples and round posts all day, I can do that. I can run electric or barbed wire. I can swing a hammer and I know how to do it. all day. I can do that. I can run electric or barbed wire. I can swing a hammer and I know how to do it. Sounds good.

All right. What time? Well, I mean, I'm just not sure what wage compensation scenario we're talking about here. My time is valuable to me at least. My love and devotion is priceless. Oh, don't I already have that? Yeah. All right. All right. What were we talking about? I don't know. Don't I already have that? Yeah. Alright.

What were we talking about? I don't know. We got onto those shoes somehow. I don't know where that came from. Hoarders maybe. Hoarders is disgusting. I don't understand why you're keeping your own urine. There's no reason to save that for a rainy day. You've always got more.

Well, not during the hard times, Kyle. I remember in 1907, we were saying hello for some pee. Are you talking about my next topic lined up? Yeah, I like this, but you need a bigger thing in the menu. You don't have all the items here. All right, let me see.

I'll put this in the big screen. Yeah, you need the full menu because I hang on let me let me put myself on let me you need the full menu because calories i thought i had the i because i have the full menu yeah this is what i was saying uh right before the hoarder talk is before this episode started and before Chris Hansen didn't show up, Kyle was just mowing down on just a gross amount of tacos. Here's what I got here. I got a Mexican pizza. I got a double-decker taco supreme. I have three Doritos Locos nachos – or excuse me, Doritos Locos tacos, the ones that have the Dorito shells. I got three of those, all three flavors.

I got a cheesy gord Gordita Crunch Supreme. Or, see, a Crunchwrap Supreme. And I've got a Chicken Cheesy Gordita. This is a Double Decker Taco Supreme. And I had an order of Cheesy Fiesta Potatoes, a Large Diet Pepsi, and a 7-Layer Burrito.

And I've been trying not to eat during the show, but I'm gonna eat all of this. But it's, like, is Taco Bell even good when you warm it up? That's not a question most people have knowledge of, but that's interesting that I know you will. Who said I'm going to warm it up? Oh, come on.

You're going to eat a seven-layer burrito. You're going to have those cold, gray, de-re-fried beans sliding down your throat like a bunch of mucus. They get dried out, so you've got to put a lot of hot sauce on them. I don't give a fuck. They're delicious. Sodium intake alone would probably be shocking. It's quite an unhealthy meal.

I'm looking here like... Let's see. I can't find... Oh, I see what you're linking me to. You're linking me to that daily intake of that 600-pound person. Is that what this is? Yeah, it's what that is. This is one person's daily intake,

and they weigh 600 pounds. Yeah. I was looking at this the other day, and I was trying to think if I could do this for one day. No. And I came up that I couldn't. You absolutely couldn't no it's and i'll tell you what what what really ruins it it's it's the snacks it's the fact that this guy ate

um how many let's just see how it's 4 000 18 000 calories 32 000 milligrams of sodium seems pretty hardcore seems a little high. Let me just read through it really quickly for the listeners. So this is the diet of the 600-pound person. I'm guessing in one day. It says at the top, whatever I eat after I wake up. So I'm assuming you call this breakfast, but I'm also assuming this person wakes up probably in the afternoon.

A KFC Twister. I don't know what a Twister is, to be honest. A KFC Mashed Potatoes. And if you look carefully, he gets three large side orders of mashed potatoes and gravy that equate to 1,440 calories alone. He gets a 20-piece boneless chicken bite meal. He gets 12... 20 pieces.

20 of them. And then he drives over. He hit KFC. Then he decides to go to Taco Bell. They're attached, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They would be. Yeah, so he gets 12 Taco Bell soft tacos. I always get the crunchy ones. I feel like you're getting cheated with the soft tacos. That's 2280 calories right there. That's over what you should be eating in a day if you're like on the 2,000 calorie plan in that one subsection of

one meal. He gets one beef burrito supreme, which I find to be just not a tasty treat over there at Taco Bell. I don't care for that. He also gets a 30 ounce large Baja Blast. If you don't know what that is, that's half Mountain Dew, half Powerade.

He gets a small 32. It says small Coke, but it also says a 32-ounce Coke. So I guess maybe a small 32-ounce at McDonald's. I don't know. But 32 ounces of Coca-Cola followed by another 80 ounces of root beer. I mean, he just knocked down 1,400 calories in soda right there when he woke up. Then it says what I eat when I get home. 1,800 calories. What I eat when I get home. 1,800 calories.

What I eat when I get home. Now, I don't know where he was. I guess he woke up. He was eating breakfast. Yeah. I feel like he woke up at KFC from the night before. Just in a stupor. And now he's getting home again where he has himself four McDoubles from McDonald's.

He has two large big mac meals which come with fries and soda he has a big mac wrap which just seems silly at this point right the wrap uh he has a he has a mcchicken he has two mcchickens uh mcchicken sandwiches that's 700 more calories he has six 12 ounce cherry coke cokes. And then under snacks, it says he eats one party-size cheddar and sour cream chips. That's 169 chips total. And then an entire bag of Nabisco double-stuffed Oreos, followed by 64 ounces of Cran apple juice, totaling 18,385 calories 2,600 grams of

carbs Jesus the fat Where's the cholesterol at oh? They didn't even grams need to count it oh So that's that's shocking you just imagine the shits that this person is taking like gargantuan Like like all this comes out the other end that can't be good for you no and knowing a person this size they're not going to be able to properly clean up after themselves so when they're on their daily odyssey to kfc taco bell mcdonald's anw and you know Walmart, they probably don't smell ideal.

Yeah, I thought you were posting a Taco Bell menu to calculate how much I was eating over here. Oh, that's a child's play snack compared to this behemoth. I can't compete with that guy. That's outrageous. And I think, yeah, that's scary. 600 pounds. But that would, he would, I think with a diet like that, he's gaining weight if scary. 600 pounds. But that would... I think with a diet like that, he's gaining weight if he's 600 pounds.

Yeah, I would bet. Sorry about that. Woody Craft got attacked. Had to deal with it real quick. Look at Kyle. We're losing Kyle. There goes my fence. I like the concept that this is what 600-pound people are eating

because I like to believe they're responsible for it and it can be fixed. You know, like for a while it seemed like being too heavy was a birth defect. And it's not. It's a habit problem. You know, like I'm just big boned. I'm just like this all my parents are heavy too i have a thyroid condition i have a thyroid condition yeah yeah but if this is a heavy person's diet then um sweet we've diagnosed the problem what do you think chris oh God. Chris, you slay me. He's not here.

We do that to you on PKN. We do. We do. Yeah, yeah. I do your voice, though. For some reason, you're in falsetto, but yeah. That's funny. I love Woody's impressions.

They're my favorite. They're awful. They're so bad. I can't do impressions. That my favorite They're awful they're so bad I can't do impressions That's why they're funny though This is my Mirko voice But yeah This makes you have a lot less pity For people who are this heavy

If you see this kind of Line up cause you know there's like There's so many This is like an alcoholic but an alcoholic they can get hammered on like half a bottle of vodka or a bottle of vodka or whatever and they're just taking swigs intermittently like i'm kind of losing my buzz and like this person is being reminded of their failure just doing the math every 45 seconds because that's how often you have to be chewing and eating just to muscle this down in a day so it's like every second of every day it's just a

further slide downward boogie describes something called hangry where he's both hungry and angry and he's eating and he's mad at himself for eating simultaneously i imagine that's what this person's experiencing. They're just like, oh, I'm eating this because it fulfills some hole in my heart, yet I know it's ruining me. Here's the way I look at food, and here's the way I treat food. I like, okay, so if I'm getting in shape for something, and I need a goal to get in shape, like the next paintball trip will soon come into focus, and I'll once again begin like getting back into shape and I should be able to get back to running. I haven't ran in a week.

But I lost my whole train of thought. Your attitude towards food when, you know. Oh, I do have a hard time eating like three healthy meals a day regularly if I'm not like training for something because I feel like there's nothing to lose really. When I'm working out, it feels like eating poorly would like disrespect the workout that I did earlier. It's like what was I going through all that torture and all that pain for if now I'm just going to eat chips? But if I'm not working out, I'm much more likely to eat poorly. But even then, I like have one like one crazy meal at the end of the day

and I try to make it as nice as possible. My drink's got to be just right. I've got to have my movie on and everything. You make your homemade fries with your own seasonings. Things like that. Exactly. And sauces. It would be fun to have a dinner at Kyle's

and just have a weird feast. That's what I. And just have a weird feast. That's what I do. I have these weird feasts that are like, it won't be like a well-rounded meal. It'll be like, what are we having tonight? Rice. What do you mean?

Just rice. I made some rice. It's really good. That's what I'll do. There were weeks in a row where I made nothing but rice every night. And I was just making the rice better and better. And now my rice, it's like yellow rice with black beans and diced tomatoes

and habaneros and garlic. Do you cook for Kitty much? You know what you have to do, Kyle? You've showed your writing chops before with making up those Game of Thrones things. I want you for your next feast to write it down like george rr martin bubbled over with baja blast just just go for it that would be really funny

dripped off of the cheese i've kept going on game of thrones i listened a little more i i am understood so i i've come to realize that a lot of my confusion was the difference between the books and the show. And now that I am in the book, like out in front of the show, I'm getting it. Like I'm keeping up with this just fine. And some people evaluate completely based on whether you remember the names or not. But that's... In my case anyway, that's not a good way. I used to think I had a really firm grasp on the names or not but that's in my case anyway that's not a good way i used to have a i used

to think i had a really firm grasp on the names grasp on the names like i knew everyone except for like you know for the characters who were never even alive and a few of the like grandparents and shit like that like i couldn't remember that but like you know i could remember brand i knew who brandon the builder was and i knew all that stuff but now, with Dorne opening up and all those characters that are there and Aria's timeline over there, it's Braavos.

And these names are starting to get more and more ridiculous. And now they're starting to tell you about characters. You're learning about characters who are dead in Braavos and stuff like that. Like getting their backstory. You have a whole other type of lore you're learning about characters who are dead in like bravos and stuff like that you know like getting their backstory so a whole nother type of lore to learn now like a whole backstory of gods and legends and whatnot and you just feel like it's coming at you from all directions because

because just i i'm enjoying it more than ever like the bravo stuff in particular like you know it's like oh a lie and she doesn't another lie and i'm just like ah like this guy is you know it's like oh a lie and she tells another lie and i'm just like ah like this guy is you know is this magic it doesn't take magic to see when a little girl is lying and i'm just like i'm really digging the bravos characters i'm i'm enjoying the storyline unless brianne is involved i gotta i guess you don't like brianne at all i love brianne i i like her in the shows but i hate her in the books. Really? Yeah.

I like her in the books. Let me show you my new headstone. Are you? Yeah. In the books, it's just like, or maybe it's the way he does her voice, where she sounds like a meek, feeble little house wench, and every situation is just like, oh, woe is me.

It's gotten to the point now that it's like, she's trying to protect the Starks out of selfishness, it's like i need my honor and my glory otherwise i left renly for no reason and i'm not going to be useless as a knight and i'm this great fighter but i need to be your go-to your right hand right hand knight and some of her story is taking too long to tell so you know i'm sort of infamous and needing in wanting this thing to flow along. But for example, this is not a spoiler for people listening, Brianne's backstory goes something like this. When she was a kid, a bunch of other boys were mean to her and then they started being really nice to her

until they found out that there was a bet involved where whoever bet her first got all the money, right? That was a thing. What I just explained to you took like an hour in the books. It was awful. It went on and on and on. And they started to explain who broke it up and their motivations and this and that and how they mean they were and how nice they were. It just like at some point you're like, all right, I get it. it look that was literally 30 seconds of information that took you an hour to tell maybe it was 45 minutes but it was long really long and i it was too long for

a pity party that didn't that didn't happen when she was a little girl though that that happened when renly first called his um she was training or something it was like last year are you sure that didn't happen when she was a little girl she was young because otherwise that's just inexcusably you know gullible that well she didn't her thought process she was like why are they being so nice to me like she couldn't figure out why right and um where are you in the book kyle because it sounds like you're further along than i thought i'm right around where you are i think i'll grab the thing in a second I was gonna say this is my new headset. This is the parrot headset the same people to make the drones uh-huh Look at that thing the buttons are pretty sleek. It's got a lot of input. It's got um I

Don't know what all these are but anyway the the controls you just kind of rub this so like I don't know them all But it's it's like if I rub this in different directions or tap it in certain ways, those are the controls, like skipping forward. I think the volume is just like rubbing the back of it up or down and stuff like that. They work with Bluetooth. I like them a lot.

I don't know how much they cost. I think they were kind of expensive. That sounds like a really, really annoying system. I like it a lot. It only took a minute to get... I you just you just rub it's like when you want more voirements it quickly becomes apparent house I am not only until your hands get a little moist in that Georgia humidity and it's like oh I didn't quite swirl it right now there's a little bit no it's nastiness and I kind of scrub it

if you could feel this material it's like like... I don't know. It's kind of like leather. It looks nice to me. It looks nice. I'm not sponsored by them. They gave me some free shit. I'm like, shut up, Taylor! No, they gave me some free shit. Should I get the drone?

Yes. It'll take me maybe two minutes. I will warn people when the drone flies it's really loud but yeah it's pretty cool well I want you to fly it in the house just like oh I'm going to oh perfect yeah he flies it in the house it's cool those headphones look great for for a crunchy roll like they would play anime really well that's what I thought you think yeah he just i think so he was muted he was gonna say something forgot he was muted and then he said fuck it and now he's getting it i am 23 and a half hours into the fourth book i have about 10 and a half hours to go so uh yeah i've been making good progress i think i just the more you guys are into it because you're fresh and the more stuff stuff you mention, the more I realize I need to read these books again.

Because I just... You forget stuff. Because I feel like when we talk, you're the authority on stuff. Oh, a lot of this I need to reread and figure it out. Because you just forget stuff. It's so dense. Yeah. And you naturally get interested in...

Because the fourth book, I did audiobook. And you know how you just tune out when certain chapters come up like when they're like if it says like oh yeah or tyrion we're gonna be like okay tune in turn this up yeah pay attention and then if it's like some random fucking gray joy you're like i do think you know the gray joys are not doing shit. I could be wrong. I don't care about them. So the Greyjoys are led by... I forget who became their king, but it's not... Oh. After Baelon Greyjoy died?

Yeah, I don't want to give too much away. I was about to, but... The Greyjoys make a play at the Graeme of Thrones. I think that's not a giveaway. And it seems like a long shot to me, but we'll see. They're like the underdog, but they're so far under. It's like, come on. Yes.

You're not even in the vicinity of this fight. Like people talking about the war are like, oh, you know, there's five kings and then a couple of sailor fucks up there. Yeah, right. It's like, who's going to win the Super Bowl this year? Might be the Patriots. Might be. Might be Seattle.

Could be. Might be the Eagles. Or it might beots. Might be. Might be Seattle. Could be. Might be the Eagles. Or it might be Ocean City High School. It could be. You're like, no, it's not going to be Ocean City High School.

I'm sure of it. You guys won't win the Super Bowl. I'm sorry. I'm sure you're all great kids, but no fucking way do you win the Super Bowl this year.

You're not even in the NFL. And that's how I feel like when we get to the Greyjoy chapter. I could be wrong. So Alabama, Auburn, or ITT Tech, tune in to see who's bringing the PCS Bull. Yeah, that's how it feels.

Now wait, is this week the fourth episode coming out? I don't know because I spoiled it for myself by watching all those episodes right away. So I think it's two episodes until we get a fresh episode, I think, right? For those of us who have watched the first four. Shit, I thought the third one was out and the fourth one's about to come out. Which Game of Thrones episode, Kyle, is about to come out? Four or three?

You're muted. The third one just came out aha so the fourth one it's thursday as we record this so the fourth one will come out in about three days so 10 days until we get a fresh episode it's getting there so this is the sky troller um It's for controlling the drone. It looks cooler with the iPad in it. It does look cooler with the iPad in it, but I don't have the iPad right now. The iPad actually lets me look through the camera that's on the drone and fly it without line of sight. I'm not sure what the range is.

I flew it out to about 700 feet the other day. That big horizontal black thing is the antenna. Yeah. That's really's really really cool all right so i'm not pro at this yet but we'll see how this goes and it may wreck because i've just oh i'd be really disappointed oh yes oh that's cool bring it to you! Hang on. It's blowing on the bike. Your collar moving. He is pro at it.

Pro edit. Is it pretty difficult to control, or is it almost like you move the joystick, and it kind of moves from one static position to another? Like that. Like, I'm not doing anything right now. But it is kind of moving. Yeah, it moves a little. The day he got it, he was showing it to me, and he couldn't keep it in the same room.

Like, doing what... He's gotten much better at this. I've been playing a little. I bet Kenny doesn't get annoyed by it. Not a bit. Hang on a sec. I'm going to bring it back. I'm just spinning it around 180 degrees.

And here he comes. So I'm going to let him... I'm going to bring him down, like, right in front of the camera. For those in the car, the drone is currently hovering. Spinning now. Oh, my potatoes. All right, that was awesome. Yeah, it's pretty neat. Have you thought of any pranks or shenanigans you can pull with it yet? All right, that was awesome

Have you thought of any prank system shenanigans you can pull with it yet whoa man um Yeah, I chased a guy around with it the other day that was fun because it's terrifying like these propellers are no joke I'll show you Hopefully can do this out hitting my hand or it's going to hurt so goddamn bad. Yeah. Those turn really hard. So if it ever nicks you, it hurts like a motherfucker. I've crashed it a few times, as you can see. But like this

whole thing, this whole thing just like pops apart. And so when it crashes, it doesn't break. It just kind of pops apart and then you just put it right back together. It's super, super lightweight. The battery pack it uses, like, everything uses the same batteries, the controller and the bebop drone. So I like it. That looks cool. And it's the Parrot. But now, I wonder how much it costs.

You don't know, do you? I wonder how much it costs. You don't know, do you? I think that the full kit with the SkyTroller and the drone costs like $900 or something like that, but you don't need a SkyTroller to fly this drone.

I can fly this with my cell phone. That's probably a lot harder. That might have been the one you struggled with. Yeah, that's right. That's you struggled with yeah that's right that's what i'm doing yeah that's what it was i was using an ipad alone uh because you've got to get like all three synced up between you get this connected to the sky troller and the sky troller connected with the ipad and you gotta get a three-way going before you can really have some fun

and then of course like that's a camera. It's 1080p I think 30 frames but flying above my house and just getting to see what all that looked like and Fucking with dogs has been a lot of fun, so I've never had anything like this, but so I'm really really enjoying it it It looks really cool. It looks really cool. It looks really expensive. I fear that it's even more than I don't know what I do with it I Need a reason the excuse It looks really expensive. I fear that it's even more than $100. I don't know what I'd do with it. I need a reason. I need an excuse. I'm going to make some videos with it.

I'm not exactly sure what kind, but I can definitely shoot something with it. Yeah. Time for a new topic? Yeah, sure. Let me see if I can get one. But yeah, Parrot sent me three of those things and ten of the small ones and two of the jumping ones

and some of those headsets and stuff. I think we got another meeting with them this week. They're cool people. This is a good one. Bud Light came up with a new slogan and it's awful. Bud Light, what? It's time to remove no from your vocabulary.

The perfect beer for removing no from your vocabulary for the night. Oh, my God. How did this make it through all of the wire and just the red tape of people who are like you know what this could be construed the wrong way like you know what they're going for which is like ha ha throw caution to the wind have some fun say you know don't say no you want to go parasailing hammered fuck yeah you want to not wear your life jacket when we're out on this boat fuck yeah no i can't even say no but it comes off a bit rapey. A little. The rapey is subtle.

And remove your no from the vocabulary for the night. I would say there are notes of rape, but not full on. It's not a musical rape. It's just a, yeah, it's awesome. Remove no from your vocabulary. That's not even a good marketing ploy, even if there wasn't some. Maybe I need to hang on to no. Nope, you're out of trouble

a lot. No and Bud Light is part of a responsible evening. You've got to have your no's. Without no, who knows where I would be? I don't. You'd be pregnant by now. Definitely. At least once. I don't You'd be pregnant by now Definitely

At least once Yeah that's a very bad idea What do you think Chris? I think No should be out of your vocabulary He's pro-rape That sounds like Mickey Mouse he sounds just like yeah hopefully he stops by because good god I was kind of looking forward to it

I wanted to grill him on some scenarios yeah I've got some questions we had a whole bunch of questions lying out for chris but he's he's partying with hodor you guys want to go light on him but he committed to this and he's paid those things are both true maybe he has a good excuse we'll uh i guess we'll wait and see maybe uh maybe something actually came up and uh he just wasn't able to be here uh if that's not the case he withdrew the day i know hodor is familiar with us right like everyone here has a social media presence and if fucking like 30 000 people called you a bitch would you notice we were really hard on hodor i I didn't even... It happened before I even knew it had happened.

And all of a sudden, there were just thousands of people fucking with Hodor on the internet because he wouldn't come on the show. And yeah, he knows who we are. Yeah, this guy has... He probably doesn't care for us. No. Oh my...

Dude, look at his fucking Twitter, man. Here, I'll link you. Let's not pick on Hodor anymore. Wait till you see what a bitch he is in his Twitter picture. He's like 6'11". Look at that fucking guy with the angry face and the multicolored beard and half cut off. Bitch, bitch, bitch. I like his beard. Yeah, I think that looks kind of cool yeah are you kidding me no it's pretty cool it goes with him as it wouldn't look good for hodor but for uh

however you say his first name this is just christian you know that's not natural you know that guy is sitting there with mascara drawing an upper and lower beard on himself. Well, no, it's probably colored, but I mean, I know that, like, Hodor's... I think Hodor's from some kind of nobility. I can't remember what. I think he was a fray. But so this is what Hodor would be like

if he had all of his marbles. He would be Lord Hodor. He probably was a fray. Yeah. Fucking. That's not helping his case. No, it is not. Poor Hodor.

I had forgotten about doing that to him. He did it to us, man. That was the thing. He's like, hey, I really love podcasting. So we reached out to him and we're like, hey, you know, maybe you'd like to come on our show. Yeah, that sounds great. And then a bunch of our fans were like, you should do PKA.

You should do PKA. It'll be awesome. And he's like, oh, well, now I'm so pressured. I'm not doing it. I really don't like the way you went about it or something. And then, I don't know, his agent said something that contradicted something he said, so there's lies involved and just behavior very scandalous i yeah you guys can go all forgiving on it if you want

not i'm not ready to to forgive yet what was the dixie song i'm not ready to forget i don't know dixie chicks Chicks. I'm an American. They turned out to be right. Now that the score is all set. Did you see that? Ingrid is part of this. Did you see the Jon Stewart thing where he tore apart that New York Times reporter? No. Dude, so this New York Times reporter, I forget her name, Christine Hunter or something like that.

And anyway, she wrote these stories for the New York Times basically campaigning for going into the Iraq war. She would link Iraq with 9-11. She would just regurgitate what the Bush administration was saying. There are people by the Bush administration that were hired to sell the war to the people. And rather than fact check their assertions, okay, here's a good example. There was at one time these aluminum tubes.

Do you guys remember the aluminum tubes that could be used for atomic weapons? Taylor does, I guess. And the Bush administration pushed this lie that these aluminum tubes were used for atomic weapons and it's proof that Saddam Hussein has an active nuclear weapon program

and then it turns out that that's not true that you don't these are not a thing that you use these aluminum tubes in conventional rockets and they have no purpose in like nuclear weapons whatsoever and So anyway, she wrote this big story on the front page of the New York Times Next to like on the anniversary of 9-11 saying like 9-11 in memory of 9-11

With this big photo and then her story next to it about how Iraq was with this big photo and then her story next to it about how Iraq was trying to create a nuclear program. And then when they found out that everything in the story was bullshit, on page 13 they ran another story, page 13 by the way, that said Saddam Hussein pursues other weapons of mass destruction. So the headline looked like more weapons of mass destruction, more evidence against him.

But if you read it critically, you'd realize that was kind of an error retraction. And they're like, why didn't you put a literal retraction in there? And she's like, well, I wrote it, but I think there wasn't enough space in the New York Times for it. And Jon Stewart just tore her apart. It's- When was this? It's recent. I'll look it up this is the

lady wrote this as like you know 13 year 14 year anniversary no no no Stewart interviewed her recently but she wrote it at the time when the nation was being led into the thing. So the interview happened yesterday. So Stuart interviewed her yesterday about things she did in the run-up to the Iraq war. Striking while the iron's hot. Her name is Judith Miller. To me, I feel like he's getting his parting shots. Like he's kind of writing the wrongs that happened on his tenure on The Daily Show. He's like, you know what? I want to talk to Judith Miller.

Get that bitch on here. Because she led us into the Iraq War. She was like a propaganda tool of the Bush administration who didn't do any fact-checking, who fucked up in a serious way. If there's a voice of reason against republicans it's supposed to be the new york times and she just absolutely beat the war drum and uh and he had her on his show and he beat the fuck out of her and i'll miss that about john stewart i'm told his replacement is some sort of genius who speaks seven languages and he's the ideal guy. But he has big shoes to fill. Yeah, for sure.

Did you see that Chiz made a little purchase? His paintball gun? Yes, I did. Yeah, Chiz got himself a Geo 3. That is an expensive gun. Well, the 3.5s are out now. So I have a 3 as well. I've got a blue we i have a three as well i've got a blue geo3 dynasty edition and he's got a red one um but the the 3.5s out now i think it's marginally better you know

how that shit goes but yeah it is a good gun it's probably like 800 bucks used or something like that nice gun yeah it's um i've used i've used that gun i've used yours and um in my opinion it is better but it won't get me any more kills like yeah and a lot of its features you know you you just don't utilize as like a just a recreational player like it's got lots of modes uh it's got it i mean it's it's got a digital thing in the back with um that digital thing in the back is nice so mine also has i have an axe an empire axe i think and um it has all those different modes like it has you pull it once in three ball shoot you pull it once in one ball shoot you ramping up to fully auto it has all that stuff but since there's

literally one light with different blinking patterns to tell you what you're getting you need the instructions like no one's memorized the axe instructions i haven't it's just a blinking light you're like yeah they're like do a long hold a short hold and a long hold and if it triple blinks at you you got it and it's like oh fuck whereas you know times when we were playing at the first paintball event where me and trevor when we are the second paintball event when we got those and we pretty much had to like sit out around because we were both sitting there trying to figure out how to get our guns to turn back on just like i think you hold it and then now fuck god damn it kyle and chiz is on the other hand has like a sexy lady that's like you've just turned me on does it doesn't it have a sexy lady that's like, you've just turned me on. Does it? Doesn't it have a sexy

lady that talks? No, that's the Lux. Oh, my mistake. It's got like a GPS voice lady on there. I can't recall exactly what she says, but it's like she greets you when you turn the gun on. I've only seen it once. I was just playing.

She should say, you turned me on. You've just turned me on. Out of ammo. Pop my top and fill me up. Stuff some in here. Give me your tube. I'm looking forward to playing again. There's a jam. Blow on it

and stick it back in. I think some people were asking about the paintball thing they're doing a big scenario event July 12th and I'm like 90% sure we're going or at least that I'm going

I'll do it again I would do that same thing again then I'm 90% sure that we're going to do like another PKA event July 12th weekend at Paintball Explosion. All right. And how is this one different? Are they going to combine all the fields,

the Living Legends style? I think so. This is a... It's called Call of Duty World at War. That's the name of the scenario game. I could... I'll look up the exact details. I've never actually thought to to do

that which seems silly now all right i had a good time at the paintball thing it went well yeah i i did too it's it's always nice meeting the fans they're they're they'll usually pleasantly surprise you i saw a duct tape man uh easy got popular on the subreddit. Yeah, that's good. Everyone was like, I want to see a picture of the vest. And if they had seen duct tape man four years ago, they would have seen an awkward young man. They see him today, and he's thinner, he's taller.

And by the way, his duct tape skills have improved dramatically. Yeah, he's great at it. The entire vest is like layer upon layer of duct tape skills have improved dramatically. Yeah, he's great at it. The entire vest is layer upon layer of duct tape, and it's woven in spots, and there are spots where it's sticky to sticky, and there are spots where it's a whole mesh of stuff. He's great at that. Yeah, and he can wear it the next day because now it unzips down the middle,

and it unfolds, and he can take it off like a regular vest. He's really got it going on. He's... He knows what he's doing. I'm looking for the... Oh, the event calendar. Here it is. So let's see. July 12th. Call of Duty

World at... Oh. I don't see any more info here. So I don't know exactly what the deal is. It's called World at War 4 Scenario Game. That's the name of the game. July 12th. I had this list of topics and somehow I have

on here that Robin Williams hasn't made a decent movie in eight months. Oh. Oh, Woody. You want to open up that can of worms? I know, right? Where everybody hated you for like two months. Was it two months?

Woody has no understanding. He's an unempathetic monster. I was talking to Jackie about it recently. Why would they say that to Patch Adams? Like, here's the thing. From time to time, everybody gets a little bit sad. And I forget. Somehow I mentioned suicide to my wife like a long time ago, like eight years ago or something.

And she's like, in my head, I thought to myself, if that were to ever happen, if I were to just give up like that, that they'd all be like, oh, poor tortured Woody. It was really tough. He just couldn't go on anymore. We loved him while he was here, et cetera. But Jackie was like, no, no, no, no, no, no. I would never forgive you. I would remarry and I would say bad things about you. I would, you would have quit this family and that is not okay. That, you know, like committing suicide, she was not in favor of this idea. And one of the things she was like, your legacy would not be a positive one.

It would not be some tortured guy. It would not be some guy who gave it all he got and had no more to give. He's like, she was just basically like, screw that. You know, that's not how you'll be remembered. You'll be remembered as the guy who left. Yeah. That's an attitude that more people need to adopt

instead of the tortured genius who couldn't bear the weight of the world any longer. Because then it just encourages people, I think, who are on the fence about it to be like, you know what? I do want to go down. I want people to remember me. They'll remember me as that person who, you know, was so overwhelmed that they couldn't handle it. And they, you know, are kind of like a hero now. And they'll have like a big group of me at the school and they'll put my achievements up on the wall and say oh this is steve smith the the greatest track star ever even

though he wasn't that great it was the only sport he did like just they're imagining this grandiose you know final legacy that they're gonna have because they killed themselves when they need to be told like hey don't don't rage quit just yet. Right. Just, you know, play through. When Jackie told me, like, no, no, your legacy would be awful, and your children wouldn't think highly of you, that was like, you know... It's a hard truth, but that's a good thing to hear. It certainly doesn't encourage you to kill yourself.

What is my missing? Oh, I just mouthed fucking pig at Kyle pig he's taking any opportunity where he's like is what are you going to start a long sentence i think he is i'm going to gamble and then he throws half a taco in his mouth so anyway that was my thought process and motivation on that whole robin williams thing like i wanted to do for everyone else what jackie did for me that you know like no you will not be able to remember they won't hang your picture in the high school hallways. They won't sit there and sing vigils for you, etc. You're a freaking quitter.

And, you know, there's no parade for that. And, you know, that was what was going through my head. Speaking of... The reason people didn't react the way you wanted them to to it is because you were pretty venomous with it. And I'm not, like, just because you were pretty adamant about like, fuck this guy, he's a piece of shit, Patch Adams sucked, flubber, subpar, stuff like that. When the core of your message, though, was just like,

hey, don't get some, you know, Yeah, the motivation of it anyway was reality, you know, perception of what you're going to be like and what you're going to be thought as after this is over. Because it's not reality. That's not what people are going to think. They're going to be like and what you're going to be thought as after this is over because it's not reality. That's not what people are going to think. They're going to forget. And then when they do remember, it will be with a sense of reserved bitterness if they were close to you where it's like, oh, yeah, that was kind of a selfish move.

Speaking of toughing it out and playing through it, we played Counter-Strike CSGO. We played CSGO yesterday or the day before? I did. And you know, I don't mean to brag, but in some games I was almost even. through it we played counter-strike uh cs go we played cs go yesterday the day before i did and you know i don't mean to brag but in some games i was almost even yeah and some games you were positive uh i don't think that was positive maybe i was yeah i think i was positive in a game or maybe one game but yeah i had a lot of like 5 and 22 games and stuff like that i don't know is it is it the mouse and keyboard thing like maybe

just have less time on it yeah it's totally that because like like what like i'm i'm often i can get ready for a guy i'm like and if i had like a controller i'd be like and kill him but in the game i'm just like ah and like my crosshairs are just everywhere and uh we played for a while last night using the um there's a taser there's a tas taser that you can equip in one of the game modes, and they call it a Zeus. It's the Zeus 26. And I thought that it would be fun to just, like, humiliate somebody. I wasn't doing that well with regular guns anyway,

so I started running around with just grenades and the Zeus. And this guy jumps around a corner. He knows I'm there. He's got an assault rifle, and I hit him with a stun gun. Kill him. And Chiz said you could hear him in the kill feed going, Zeus! Zeus! How did you get the Zeus?

It was a game mode where after each round is complete, you use in-game money to purchase whatever loadout you want. So it's kind of like create a class, but it updates every single round and you can pick your sniper or submachine gun or what kind of pistol, what kind of grenades. And one of the equipment options was the Zeus. I'm awful at it. And part of it is like in COD, you can spray a guy down, right? Like there's a headshot multiplier in COD, but if using a fully auto weapon, you typically just aim for center of mass. but if using a fully auto weapon you typically just aim for center of mass in cs go i think i'm so new to the game but it looks like it's smart to crouch and headshot and and when you crouch your reticle sinks you know like zooms in a touch so all your bullet spread shrinks and uh and you

gotta crouch and headshot and burst fire well i don't think i burst fired as much as i should have been i yeah i didn't well and i'm just saying it because chiz kept going on about it and i did seem to do a bit better when i burst fired i think my my issues are mostly with just like being wobbly like it's it's my mouse really i could i could even walk around my my wasdy or whatever's decent like i can i can get around corners and such but when it comes to comes to snapping on that guy and killing him, I'm really sloppy, especially when they're good and they're strafing and jumping and stuff and making it hard for me.

I suffer. My WASD is perfect. My aim is okay, I think, but my strategy is bad. I don't necessarily know that this gun sucks at range or how best to use it. I don't know when I should be strafing and just spraying them down

versus crouching and aiming for the head. That's the stuff I haven't really figured out yet. I'm with you 100% there too. It is really fun though. I liked how smooth the game played. I liked how nice it game played i liked how how nice it looks um and i liked how many players there were online it seemed like it was super easy to like

jump right in and play anytime you wanted to there's no waiting around for for games to start like it's a constant to me um yeah it's cod like yeah it has similarities for sure in the in that there's players waiting that's what i meant like the lobby yeah you know like in cod getting into a game isn't a big struggle this you know you can always get right into it did you only get one kill with the zeus taser i think i got one or one to three something like that one of the things is it doesn't do a hundred percent damage so you you had to catch them when they were a little bit wounded apparently one to three, something like that. One of the things is it doesn't do 100% damage, so you had to catch them when they were a little bit wounded, apparently.

Because we shot a guy one time, and it did like 94 damage or something like that. So I shot a couple people with the Zeus. Would you say that it's strong enough to deter, say, a virtual rapist? Oh, totally so, yeah, yeah. If there were a virtual rapist after you, I feel like you could fin them off with a Zeus,

unless they were hacking. How do we feel about virtual rapists, Chris? Well. You're in favor of it. I would not have guessed that. How do I look at Chris Hansen? I think I need to look. Do you have that thing about the virtual rape?

I do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's pull it up. So let's give some backstory for this. What do you familiarize me with? What's the lowdown? What's the skinny? I feel like the video starts it off, preps it really well.

Let's just watch the video. I think we're good there. We lost Kyle for a second. But we just need to watch the first minute and three seconds. Well, Kyle. Kyle, silly Kyle. Kyle, you fuck.

He's doing this on purpose so he can gorge himself on a cold seven-layer burrito. You know Kyle. You know his tricks. That's exactly what he's doing right now. He shut it down on purpose so he could eat the rest of that disgusting, tepid diarrhea feast. Three hour old burrito. Yeah. Yeah. It's like three hours old at this point. I wonder what he eats during the day. Like, like he, he shows these taco meals, right? Like, look, I just got like 14 pounds of taco bell, but it's an event, right?

Did he eat it all today? No, no. Probably like when you're that skinny or he's not skinny. Like when you're that fit, when you are not overweight like that, when, when you watch people eat a feast like that, that's not their every day. That's a once in a while thing. And when Kyle does go to taco bell twice a week, he probably balances that out by not eating for

10 hours before that day. Or if he does, it's a snack. You just simply can't eat the way he does like that regularly and not be a big fat fuck. There's no way. It's a treat for him. I'm going to text him and see what the scoop is.

His mouth's full, so we'll just be chewing. Is he texting us right now? No. Well, I'm pretty bummed about this Chris Hansen thing. He texted me the word internet. I'm going to say, can you

fix it? I'm going to say, can you fix it? This used to happen to him a lot. Oh, by the way, Crunchyroll and Squarespace are our sponsors tonight. They are flipping amazing. Squarespace is for websites. Squarespace.com slash PKA gets you, what, a monthly discount, I think, or some percentage off. Check that out.

And a crunchy roll.com slash PKA will get you your first month free. I think it's six bucks a month after that. But if you're into anime, nobody does it better than country roll. And if you need a website, Squarespace is where to get it done. Yep. Two pinnacles of industry,

respectively. Go with one of them and you won't regret it. Exactly. And if you need a website about anime, I really think you should get both. Yes, you should. And tell them that we sent you. Use the PKA code.

Save some money. Don't be a fool. What kind of person wouldn't use our code? It's foolish. I know. Jackasses. Do you want to watch this thing yeah all right let me fix your thing I kind of might be gone for

a little bit so I have to fix the screen share because your picture got bigger let's see properties sorry kind of new at this you've got some layout work i do ahead of you first chris hansen doesn't show up then kyle stops to gorge himself on taco bell i want to say i'm not sure if x split would be easier oh Oh, well, shit. Sounds promising. I'm not sure if XSplit would have been easier or harder for this. Well!

That didn't work like I wanted it to. What are you even doing? Just setting up the way our faces look on the screen for the upload? So I grab like a sub-region of the screen and say this sub-region is Mirka. And then I have to like take that sub-region and sort of move it around to fit you on the layout. So it's not terribly hard work, but what was going wrong was I was grabbing the corner of Skype

and like changing the size of the window instead of grabbing the corner of Skype and changing the size of the window instead of grabbing the corner of the sub-region and putting it where I wanted. And now you're all set. Now it's just you and I, really. I could use the PKN background if I wanted to. Yeah, might look better, a little more clean. So Kyle texted us and said he's resetting his router,

which for kyle speak for those of you out there means he's taking a hot shit to make room for the rest of that garbage let's check out this video hop back on like a like a hero like oh i got it fixed i forged ahead through diversity got it working when really he's just eating ah this one has the wrong screen too but it's okay we're gonna we're to roll with this one in case Kyle comes back. Are you ready? Yeah. Ready, set, play.

It's a frightening and disgusting trend in the world of online gaming. Hackers rewriting code to simulate sexual assault. Shauna Hunt is live with the disturbing reality of virtual rape. Shauna. Virtual rape. Well, Roger, in the world of gaming, modifying characters is actually a common thing, but these cases are extreme. These hackers

are taking control of games being played online, and they're staging these violent attacks, and the scenes are so disturbing, we had to blur the images. Online, they can take your character, lock them in place, have made their character pantsless, and then can simulate sexual assault with your character lock them in place have made their character pantsless and then can simulate sexual assault with your care

And they tried to phrase it like it was so filthy and awful and just degenerate. But really, it's just silly. It's just goofy nonsense. And, like, how great and how comfortable, what kind of life of abject luxury do you live in in this first world when you can complain about something completely imaginary? Completely imaginary. The next step is like, hey, that guy thought something racist. I can't tell, but he looks like it. I've been virtually raped.

I can tell what's happening. What? Did you know that I've been virtually raped? I believe you. This has happened. In DayZ, there is a feature where you can bound another guy. You can make him tie his hands or something. He has to agree to it but i'm in a i'm

in a bad position because i'm like severely outgunned and uh he um first he ties my hands together so i it makes me get down on my knees and then he makes me blow him i have to i have to give this guy a blow job hey kyle make sound effects and noises i didn't i refuse you know he was like get on your knees and i, oh, this is getting really gay. See, now you're both in the picture. You're like 30% more of this and I'll be uncomfortable. Yeah, but we watched that video, Kyle, with the virtual rape. And anyway, so yeah, the guy virtually raped me.

He virtually sexually assaulted me. And I thought it was hilarious. I mean, I didn't like that my character died and i had to i lost all my cool stuff but um it was a funny story i retold it on pka or pgan or something and um i am not the least bit traumatized if you're traumatized by virtual rape don't play grand theft auto don't it it's not for you the characters are standing there like the way that lady was describing it was just like, oh, it's just, you know, it shouldn't be allowed. They should be banned from the server. And I was thinking, like,

okay, this is probably pretty raunchy. And it's just some dude, like, standing there with a cone levitating above his head with another character bent over in front of him. Not even bent over, like, oh my god, this is awful. Bent over, like, picking something off of the shelf at the supermarket, like, looking like a video game god, this is awful. Bent over like picking something off of the shelf at the supermarket. Like, looking like a video game character. This is ridiculous.

Like, it's... Yeah. They look like marionettes fucking. Yeah, it's like Team America World League. It's just funny. Like, I don't know why people get upset. I mean, they would have been just fine if you ran them over with a Cadillac or bashed their brains in with a baseball bat, but

yeah, just rape them a little and everybody loses their minds. Yeah. All this imaginary virtual shit. Like, but I was just saying, Kyle, and wouldn't you agree that it's a sign of a flourishing society when these are seen as problems,

just a flourishing first world who rock country when this is what we have to worry about is like you know what some some make-believe stuff online that i do in my free time wasn't uh wasn't totally good with me recently it's like oh my god blog about it like it's just it makes me not like feminism it like because i that woman i think is a feminist i think i've seen her in other feminist propaganda. I don't know. I want to use a better term. And just complain about the right stuff.

Complain about actual gender inequality issues. When you focus on this kind of bullshit, I have a hard time with lining up. They could work on... Work on something that's serious. Maybe, I have a hard time with lining up. They could work on... Work on something that's serious. Maybe, I don't know, take a look and be like, hey, all this female genital mutilation or all this shit happening in a foreign country, that's really not cool.

We need to take steps to make sure people are aware this is still happening and maybe donate some money to a cause or whatever the hell you can do to even stop that, which seems difficult since it's so culturally ingrained some places, instead of being like, hey, this person online in this video game did something I don't like. It's like you can no longer take someone seriously when they've complained about something so petty in sincerity.

Like they're not complaining about it to be funny. Like they're really pissed. I don't know. And it seems really female-oriented, which I guess you'd say all feminism is, but they claim not to be. They claim like, oh, no, this is helping guys too. Oh, really?

Are you worried about prison rape? No, not so much. You know, it's about breast cancer and women's wages. All right. Well, then, you know, don't bullshit me about being for everybody. Yeah, just let them complain about stuff. But then if you do start to complain about something so minute and silly and such a non-issue, then just expect for everything else you say to be taken with a grain of salt as well.

And who are they picking on? They're picking on Gamergate and bullshit like that? Seriously? You're worried about fucking what armor women are wearing in video games? It's a serious problem, Woody. It's not, though. It's not a serious problem at all. It's total horseshit. Woody, you're telling

me that game manufacturers who pander primarily to the biggest gaming demographic, which is men, are going to make games that appeal to that demographic. Now you're just being ludicrous. Now you're being silly. I'm going to get myself in trouble. They need to cater to specific people individually

based on how much they blog. So Lego makes Legos, and mostly boys like Legos. That's a thing. So they made new Legos, and they cater to girls. They're pink and easier to put together or something like that. That's not true.

They're not easier to put together. Come on. It's like a five Lego set. How can they be easier? That's the most sexist thing I've ever heard. I love that. You're like, I don't know. They made them pink and

I don't know they doubles a tampon And they're really easy to put together All right, bitch Here they are oh Shit these are lame This is what they made oh that okay. I see what you're saying these there's only like a couple working pieces Oh, that, okay. I see what you're saying.

There's only like a couple working pieces in this whole thing. And I don't like the little Lego character either. Dude, there's literally a sink Lego for the girls. Let's make dishwashing fun. Get used to it. Get used to it. Got your serving tray. Like there's literally a serving tray Legogo for this for the girls that's that's awful i mean if if kids want to play with this let them go hog wild but this just

seems so boring i judge people about the way they raise their kids so harshly uh for someone who doesn't have any aspirations of even ever having a kid when i'm at the i'll walk past the toy section at walmart and i'll see some like scumbag parent being shitty to their kid like no one barbie each and i'm just like ah what a shitty parent but the toys are are awful like the toys now it seems like what was wrong with the one barbie each rule i think i think what really bothered me, it seemed like the boy was getting all the cool toys and the girl was getting some shitty toys. That's what it was. I see, yeah.

Well, you can't judge the kids' toys. They're kids. They're going to pick out whatever they want. So you can't be like, ha-ha, he has better taste in toys. This kid's going places. No, the parents were like assigning toys to the kids. They were like, yeah, you go over and get you a monster truck, Billy. We'll play with that later.

Go get some makeup or something. I don't fucking know. Your mother was still, you know, it was just like, I don't know. I hate white trash. It was like an uncomfortable situation in the toy store. I get my oil changed at Walmart, so I end up spending like two hours walking around Walmart every time that happens

and I see some shit given two hours in a Walmart you probably do so I don't doubt that story one bit my daughter took this Lego thing as a big issue it was like on her mind constantly for a week or two which is pretty long for a teenager she felt like Lego

was doing some major evil by coming up with crappy girl-oriented Legos. She didn't like that the figures looked more human-like. That that was pandering to girls and that the girls should have the same Legos as boys.

It is pandering to girls. And it's pandering to boys when they make a spaceship with a bunch of guns. Companies are going to make what they think people will buy. They're not doing it nefariously like, this is how we'll manipulate children. They're like, no, this is our market research, and this is what we're going to make to make as much money as possible. That's all they're doing. Yeah, and if you want your kids to have some different toys, just buy them different fucking toys. Yeah, they're kids.

They don't have money. I wouldn't buy money. I like that. It seems to me that the girls will buy the ones the girls like and the boys will buy the one the boys like. And, you know, knock yourself out. Girls are fucking... I remember the toys that my sister bought and wanted

when we were growing up. My toys were always cool as shit. They launched things. They launched things, they shot things. The only cool toy she ever had was the Easy Bake Oven, because you basically had your own brownie supply. Those were cool. If there had been a male

Easy Bake Oven, I'd have wanted one. That thing was pretty awesome. I wanted one. The tough guy toaster oven. Add on 5%, because I wanted an Easy Bake Oven as a kid. Yeah. The ability guy toaster oven. Add on 5% because I wanted an Easy Bake Oven when I was a kid. Yeah, yeah. I mean, the ability to make your own brownies as like an 8-year-old is pretty fantastic. But other than that, all those dolls she had, like these porcelain dolls with the real human hair and like all that bullshit.

Those American Girl dolls, those are still popular. And she was probably looking at your toys and being like, those are shitty. Look at my clothes Oh, I get upset because because you because I would get one toy like like my Christmas would be like a bolt-action rifle and like a bunch of ammunition or my or like an ATV or a car or something and then she'd get like a bunch of little things and The nature of like the nature of ten fifty dollar toys is they're all going to be gone in three months. But the nature of my $600, $700 toy is I've got it now.

Like 29-year-old me still has that gun. So that happened a lot. She always complained. And dad was basically like, pick better toys. What do you want? Let the kid pick out their own toys. And I have a brief little story about this. For when my younger brother, I don't even remember how old he was,

probably like four or something, or five. And I remember that for his birthday, he wanted a Shave Me Ken. For those of you who don't know, it's like this. Ken is Barbie's husband or boyfriend, some shit. Is he 100% gay by chance? Ken? I don't know, it's like this Ken is Barbie's husband or boyfriend, some shit. Is he 100% gay by chance? Ken? I don't know. No. But he's dating Barbie.

No, my brother is not. And he was a child. But he saw it and he saw Shave Me Ken and this pink Barbie convertible that was remote control. And for some reason, he just got it in his head that he had to have that convertible car with the shave me can because the commercial was like put the shaving cream on his face and it comes right off and his stubble would like disappear and i remember when he opened the present being there because like just i was i was the outsider looking in and is he older younger younger and he was freaking out like ah i got the car i got the car like holding it up and like was so excited about it.

And I didn't get it at the time because I was only like seven or something. But I looked up and I saw my dad sitting at the kitchen table. Just kind of like this. With his hand in his head like, oh, is this the beginning of a long trek somewhere? Or is this just a goofy kid? And at the end, it was just a goofy kid who wanted some girls toys one year. But it was funny looking back on it now seeing the look of disappointment in his eyes have i ever told you about my lemonade

stand as a kid no dude so okay so at the top of my block was the rca store i don't know do people even know that as a company anymore it was a big electronics company they hired engineers and went to space and shit and uh so you know we decide to have a lemonade stand make a few bucks we go up there we don't make shit like like in like two hours or something we made like two dollars it was awful there's two of us so we had to split it and so we start doing like customer surveys on how we can improve our lemonade right we're like you know what's going wrong do you have any tips for us etc and first they're like well work's going wrong? Do you have any tips for us, et cetera? And first they're like, well, work gets out at five.

I would put your lemonade stand here as everyone comes out. And we're like, all right. All of a sudden sales quadruple. Wow, eight bucks. Yeah, but we're like seven or something at this point. So sales have quadrupled and there's tons of traffic coming by. Instead of sitting there for hours and hours and hours, we just work like 30 minutes for eight bucks.

And so we're like, all right, this customer survey shit is really paying off. And we keep talking to people like, hey, what can we do? Do you want other flavors? What do you want? And they said, well, payday's Friday. I'd come on Friday. Sales double again.

Now we're making like $16 in like 30 minutes and and we're all excited about this we get back to my friend's house and his fucking alcoholic asshole dad was like well that was my lemonade powder I'll take the 16 and his fucker took all our money and bought booze with it That was my child. That's a good life lesson for taxes and things like Responsible government comes in I'll be taking Missiles and for some brown people look it's a whole thing. Don't worry about it Yeah, he um like we went over to that guy's house and we went went over his house all the time but um my friend left his bike like in the driveway and the fucking

drunken asshole got in his car and mangled the bike just like he ran over it and like the it was just a like a twisted mess of its former and this wasn't like a truck or anything this is like a four-door sedan that ran over a bicycle right he knew there was a kid attached to the bike yeah he doesn't care and like as a kid it was like oh he hit the bike that really sucks as an adult it's like no way you run over a fucking regular car over a bicycle it pops out the front and you don't know what's happening. You didn't catch this scenario going down. It would be so loud.

You gotta be drunk as a skunk. It's so much funnier to picture that while he's driving a Dodge Neon than it is that he accidentally hit it with a Toyota Tundra or something. With $16 of children's money and lemonade on his breath. He was a scumbag. Yeah, and so he ran over the bike and uh

the neighborhood parents all got really mad about it but the neighborhood kids are all like well mistakes happen and and but now as an adult i'm siding with the parents i mean that fucking drunk asshole was riding through this like you know little suburban neighborhood uh drunk right that's crushing bikes so did you like not even a little buzzed driving that's just full-on blackout drunk hammered drive he was an alcoholic uh and his profession was bartender so that was a thing well at least it wasn't enabling him he might have drank on the job that was my theory did you ever uh try to like get your lemonade stand or anything like that going again um we did we did stuff like that again uh i remember one time we had to raise money for

the boy scouts so we applied our lessons learned like all right yeah we can raise money for boy scouts we'll just go to the RCA Friday at quitting time. And that did really well. You know, I saw a thing on Reddit the other day. Maybe it was a shower thoughts. And they said something along the lines of, you know, why don't the Boy Scouts sell jerky like the Girl Scouts sell cookies? It seems like a good idea.

I don't want their off-brand jerky. What if Boy Scouts now Girl Scout cookies, you don't think of those as off-brand? No, but they're not good. Everybody creams their pants talking about off-brand and shortbread cookies. Nah, fuck all that Samoas. Those Samoas are delicious. They're just not. Everybody just beats each other off about,

Oh, I can't wait for the Girl Scout cookies to get here. I can't wait for the Girl Scout cookies. There's graham cracker. There's caramel. There's chocolate. There's coconut. No, the Samoas are legitimately one of the best cookies out there. I got some Samoa ice cream upstairs.

Some chewy chips ahoy. You know why they have chewy chips ahoy and not chewy Girl Scout cookies in the store? It's because everybody wants them. Everybody wants Oreos double stuffed. Everybody wants special Oreos. I feel like Chewy Chips Ahoy are the most childlike of all cookies. I feel like you need a cup of juice to go with that.

Oh, it's too childlike and you're buying it from six-year-old girls on your front door. Yeah, yeah. Girl Scout Cookies are the cookies of adults. They are not good. Who buys Girl Scout Cookies? Kids don't have money, like you said. Pedophiles buy Girl Scout cookies are the cookies of adults They are not good Who buys Girl Scout cookies? Kids don't have money like you said Pedophiles buy Girl Scout cookies What do you think Mr. Hanson?

Those fucking folding card tables are Kyle's Tinder Swipe right on this babe That's awesome No I I don't like Thin Mints very much I don't think they're that great The shortbread things are just terrible I think there's some peanut butter ones I don't like thin mints very much i don't think they're that great uh the shortbread things are just terrible those i think there's some peanut butter ones i don't like those either and then there even there may even be like lemon snaps but the only good ones are samoa's those

are the best ones they're coconut caramel chocolate and graham cracker and i think that sounds good like 10 years ago i said the best ones 10 years ago i said these like peanut butter ones were good now people buy them for me and i'm like it's a fucking chore they're not that good and you have to hold up the lie the second year they've done it we're like oh yeah we thought of you we got this for you i want to can't wait to get home and devour these i love i love samoa's i legitimately they're like one of my favorite cookies. I like Oreos. I like Samoas. And I don't know.

I guess I like this M&M cookies. The white macadamia nut cookies from Subway. Those are good. My daughter's school is raising money right now. And... Oh, that reminds me. I bought something. Soup tops or whatever?

So they did a silent auction and I bought something I that looks good I don't know how quickly I can find it you guys run the show I'll try and be back in less than a minute I'll ask Jackie where it is that way I won't be gone as long

I don't know Kyle you think we can run it? I'm just going to eat Taco Bell the whole time he's gone. And I'll just go on a monologue about thin mint cookies. I really do like those Samoas. Those are good. When do Girl Scouts sell their cookies? When does that happen? Spring, maybe?

It is spring, so you'd think it'd be cookie season. When Jackie texts me back, we'll find'll find out need to find some girl scouts are there any other like foods I'm excited about this that you think are disgusting just like or just not disgusting but not as good as everybody says

that bothers you I'm trying to think KFC yeah KFC's not very good taco bell well kyle kyle's give for those of you listening kyle just gave a look of stern disdain he does not approve yeah no i i everyone goes wild about taco but it's like it somehow became fashionable almost bacon is another one like i i like bacon fine i guess, but it's like it somehow became fashionable almost. Bacon is another one. Like, I like bacon fine, I guess. I mean, it's okay.

But on the internet, people treat bacon like, I think it's a big joke, but people are just like, oh my God, bacon is the most amazing thing. There's the TV commercials where the woman put bacon in her purse to attract guys. Oh, you found it. Thank you. Can I read to you what I bought? Yes. Read it like Floyd Mayweather.

Mr. Michael Farrow. Imagine Lord of the Rings. Mr. Michael Farrow. Mr. Michael Farrow. So, Mr. Michael Farrow, digital music creation and chorus. This is what I bought. An original personalized song written and performed for anniversary or birthday. Now, it's not limited to those two things.

Have you ever wanted to write a song for your partner? Michael Farrell will write an original personalized song in the genre of your choosing, including the details of your relationship. The package includes one performance, one digital recording of the song. It's a steal for a wedding, birthday, engagement, or anniversary. Mr. Michael Farrow is going to be on this show. Mr. Michael, we are going to write a song

on the PKA subreddit together, a song parody, or perhaps we'll do a competition. Someone will write a PKA-oriented version of Shake It Off by Taylor Swift or whatever, and Mr. Michael Farrow who plays the guitar will sit next to me on camera kicking off a painkiller already.

That's what I bought. How much did it cost? 80 bucks. Patreon money, baby. That's not bad at all. Does he write the song? He says he writes the song, but I think that in this case, we should write the song. I think that it should be like us and the subs putting together

and maybe he could rap. I don't know. We got to get this guy singing. Or you come up with a scenario for your freebie where it's like, honestly, I just found out my wife's cheating on me. I'm about to break up with the bitch and I want to do it this way.

Break it off. Break it off. See? Have him write a really uncomfortable song. The only qualifications is I don't want to include any mentions of rape or curse words. This guy can't lose his job.

He can't read the lyrics and be like, what? No. I don't think me and and be like, what? No. I don't think me and Kyle were, you know, holding our breath, hoping for that. So none of that being,

as long as it's not virtual. I was, I was thinking of involving the subreddit and, you know, like, Hey, write some lyrics, let us know what,

you know, like come up with a couple of verses and, and maybe picking the best one. I don't know, but we could do a, we're going to have a guy perform on Painkiller already. He's the music teacher at my hopes high school. And it should be awesome.

Yeah, that's actually a pretty cool win given what you do for a living now. And maybe he'll like, I'll make you famous, Michael Pharoah. Yeah, maybe he'll blow up after this, become the next Justin Bieber. Probably not, but you know. Be egging houses. How old is this guy? I don't know. I don't know what he looks like.

I know nothing about him. I just know that he's a music teacher, and I confirm that he plays the guitar. Well, that'll be good. I'm really excited about it. I think it was a really good purchase. Well, that'll be good. I'm really excited about it. I think it was a really good purchase. Yeah, cheap enough. So I won. We should take our money out of Chris Hansen

and into song parodies. Yeah, we could have him the next two months for what we gave Hansen. That's true. We should totally get a refund out of Chris Hansen who didn't show. Get no entertainment value out of that guy. I really do kind of want my money back on this shit. Well, I mean, I'm sure he'll show up at another time, right?

Is he going to be on time and professional and shit? I mean, at this point, he's three and a half hours late. I don't think I can recall ever being this late for something like that. Well, I'd say he's called it off at this point. I don't think he's like, ah, I'll be there. Let me just finish this last thing up. It's not like that. He's not rushing to get here right now.

That's over. He's probably forgotten about it. Well, then, you know. Was it the agent you guys spoke to, or was it him directly? He said he would be here. I think it's his agent. It just seems like we should get our money back. It's true.

Very unhappy about this. Yeah. You might say, well, I'll come some other day. Well, I mean, yeah, but we could have had a guest tonight. We could have had someone else. And now Kyle's frozen. Yes. So effectively...

It's PKN again. Uh-huh. I wish Chris Hansen were here. Wouldn't that be nice? That would be nice. We came up with such great questions, you guys. We did. Great questions.

We've got a whole bunch of them listed along the side. Questions. He was going to chime in on the virtual rape video game thing. I would have been interested in his opinion on that but i'm almost kind of afraid when he gets on here that it's going to be like not uh not tell all because he's not going to do that he's not writing a book or anything but i feel like he's going to be too reserved about everything i'm hoping that he'll be awesome right he works in entertainment. So, um, like when we got Anthony Cumio on here,

that guy could have led this show. You know, oftentimes our guests, if, you know, if you left them to their own devices would just sit there boring and scared. But Anthony Cumio is not that guy. Anthony Cumio could easily do this.

He does it for a living. I would hope that with Chris Hansen, you know, he, he hits it back. Yeah. He doesn't just could easily do this. He does it for a living. I would hope that with Chris Hansen, he hits it back. He doesn't just say yes, no, and be boring. He engages and develops and turns something small into something big. I would hope that with a guy like Chris Hansen or anyone who works in entertainment, that they would light up and know how to do an interview and hit it back. that they would light up and know how to do an interview and hit it back. Or they could just fucking irresponsibly not show and not tell us and have their agent not get back to us also. Just go total radio silence.

That's one way they could go. Yeah, that's the worst way, and it's what what's happening is there a way to just cancel payment um i'll have to look at it now uh product not as described would be the thing i'm looking at but um you know i want to look at the product description and make sure that it's you know i'm right on this oh is that like what it's called for kickstarter or whatever if you want to for paypal again and yeah money back for paypal that's you know if you buy something and this product not as described like that then yeah that would be a thing um but uh whatever it's it's early to fuss about this i'm just upset i'm mad right now because he he told us he'd be here and he

fucking flaked on us like maybe he's out catching a pedophile. Nope, because the show hasn't even started back up. And he doesn't do that unless the show is filming. Maybe he does that in his private time. Like, that's just what he does. Like, we'll see on Twitter or TMZ later that, like, he killed a pedophile tonight. And we'll be like, ah, well, he was, you know. The pedophile is in the kitchen frantically looking around for cameras

as he walks around the corner with just the mic. Have a seat. Have a seat right over here. There's no one else here. There's not even a girl. I got bored and didn't want to do a podcast. My new show was a little bit like To Catch a Predator

and Dexter. I'd like that if Chris Hansen snapped and went on. He started killing the pedophiles. He's just piling them up every time he shows up. I'm sure he's not, but I think it'd be funny if he turned out to be a pedophile, much like a Republican who votes against gay people.

I'm not on board with that. I'm not on board with that either. Uh-oh. Sometimes you just go too far. Like it was okay when he was piling up pedophile bodies in the garage, but when you made him a pedophile, that just seems, I was just there.

It happened recently. Uh, a Republican who voted against gay rights, his entire career came out as gay. And, uh, somehow that parlayed into like, wouldn't it be funny if the

To Catch a Protophile guy, you know, was in a similar situation? It would be the perfect cover. It would. Like, the guy who was totally against it had his own show, and then he ends up doing it. I don't get why gay elected

officials who are Republican have to vote against, like to hate themselves so much. I don't get it. You're just gay, dude. It's okay. No one gives a shit that you're gay. Well, their electorate cares. Go Democratic, then.

I don't give a fuck that they're gay. You just... Dude, suck a dick. Make some guy happy. Knock yourself out. You don't have to you heard it here first you don't have to devote your entire career to self-loathing uh i don't get why you're so tortured and it's a pretty common story just you know who doesn't suck dick that's crunchy roll now the world's largest online repository for anime.

That's right. We don't suck dick around here. Crunchyroll.com slash pka. That is how you do it, folks. You go to Crunchyroll.com slash pka and sign up for a premium to get the world's finest collection of anime free for 30 days with zero ad. Doesn't matter what kind of device you're watching it on.

They got several new shows they want you to know about. But this month, the ones they wanted to mention were uh let's see i always fuck up the pronunciation of this one no you don't so okay give it a shot crunchy oil is it the gintama yes that is it okay okay yeah it's gintama nisekoi yes perfect and uh koroko's uh oh no i did fuck it up see i did fuck it up they were separate Oh, okay, okay, yeah, it's Gintama Nisekoi. Yes! Yeah, Gintama Nisekoi. Perfect. And Kuroko's, oh no, I did fuck it up. See, I did fuck it up. They were separate.

There are three shows. There's Gintama, there is Nisekoi, and there's Kuroko's Basketball 3. I don't know what I was thinking to get confused like that. I love these shows. What can I say? What's Kuroko's Basketball 3 about? You mentioned it briefly to me before the show. It's so fucking good. It's a little bit like Space Jam.

But, yeah, yeah, it's like Space Jam, except there's some, like, communist overtones, and I'm pretty... Yeah, it's a little weird. It lost me in the third season, to be honest. I like the second season, though. Kuroko's Basketball 2, if you're familiar. But Kuroko's Basketball 3, that's on there this month, so check it out.

Crunchyroll.com slash PKA. You get a free month. And I also wanted to mention Squarespace. Squarespace is truly in my heart. I think they are my favorite sponsor. Squarespace, the all-in-one platform that works to create your online professional website, portfolio, or store for a free trial and 10% off. Visit squarespace.com and enter offer code PKA at checkout.

A better web starts with your website. They are really nice. I think, I'm sorry, I lost my place. Yeah, plans start at $8 a month and include a free domain name if you sign up for a year. So there you go. On Kuroko's Basketball 3 here, I'll explain it. if you sign up for a year. So there you go.

On Kuroko's Basketball 3 here, I'll explain it. Now in their third year, Kuroko and the team started to prepare for a three-peat of the national championship. However, now that the Generation of Miracles no longer had any enemies, victory was just a quota to fill. And in order to rid themselves of boredom, Ion Mine and others started fighting for the top scorer in an official game. Even with such an attitude, the team shows overwhelming strength and wins through the main tournament of the Nationals.

Oh, goddammit, Woody. Meanwhile. You mean the third season they win two? Ruin the whole thing. Apparently, they can't be beaten. Was Bill Murray in this one? Yes. He was in season two, I believe, right?

Yeah. Yeah. He was in season two, I believe, right? Yeah. Yeah. He was Ichiban, the center? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He voiced him. Oh, well, of course, Kyle. It's an anime, Goose. Did you see the animated thing that Seth Rogen's making called Sausage Party?

Is this another joke or is this real? No, this is real. Oh, no, I haven't. Sam Sjogren is making an animated Pixar-quality film called Sausage Party. It's in a grocery store. All the characters are food items, and they slowly come to the realization that they're going to be eaten. They think that there's some happy afterlife when they get bought, but they slowly realize that they're actually just going to be eaten.

There's tons of sex. There's a food orgy. At one point, a cucumber has sex with a hot dog bun. He says it's incredibly filthy, and it's coming out at some point in the near future. That just doesn't sound like it has legs. Sounds like it'll have a bunch of the same puns and jokes for the first 40 seconds,

and then it will be episode after episode of that again and again. It's a movie. Oh, it's a movie. Yeah. It's like a Pixar. He said it's a Pixar-quality animated movie. So I don't see a cucumber having sex with a hot dog bun. I don't think it's properly vaginal.

What would be a better food item for the cucumber to have sex with? Watermelon. Pumpkin, I was going to was gonna say yeah pumpkin very good thank you maybe uh a honeydew or a cantaloupe cantaloupe i like that i feel like you could i'm a fan too yeah yeah you can just throw that thing in the microwave uh-huh uh-huh you get tomatoes work i think that that cucumber is just going to obliterate right through that tomato that tomato has nothing to do with it my wife once bought a dirty vhs tape way back in the day about how to please your lover and uh there was a scene in there in which they microwaved a tomato cut the center out and used it as a masturbatory aid wait you have another person there with you that you're having sex with

and you still microwave really that's awful that seems like it would take you right out of the mood you're escalating into it and then it's like hold up for a second and then she disappears into the kitchen and then the next thing you hear is like your microwave like she takes the tomato out cuts a hole what

if she makes the hole too big what if she makes the hole too small i was more concerned about too hot and too cold oh yeah it's also like that fucking tomato flesh probably becomes like hot plasma yes you don't want to be fucking around with that. That sounds like an awful idea. We just watched the tape together and we're like, you down for this one? Yeah, I'm down for that one. You down for this one?

No. No. Pass on that one. And the tomato one was a pass. I wish you would have lied and told me about it because that would be a funny story. Try it out. Viewer, make a thread or comment you you try uh try a bunch of different fruits tell us what works best

yeah let us know let us know it's funny because like when kyle or or i guess hypothetically you i don't know for sure but like when kyle talks about like a an ex or girl or something that he did you don't really nail it down to a particular person, right? When I tell a sex thing, I'm talking about Jackie. Oh, that's true because she's probably not very happy about that if you get too lewd. Yeah, it's not really an anonymous thing. So I wonder if I can fix you.

That was a much easier way to deal with the problem. But now there's links. Oh, wait. What's? Bam. I put you properly on the layout now that Kyle. Because when Kyle disappears, you probably see it too. Like I jump in and I'm front and center.

So the screen share wasn't quite right. And now it is. Nice. I found a share wasn't quite right. And now it is. Nice. I found a better way to do it. That it looks great. Yeah. Yeah. You're kind of sepia,

sepia toned. I like that. Sepia toned. So what game was your girl playing in the background at the start of the show? Borderlands pre-sequel. Oh, I've played that. We played that. That game was your girl playing in the background at the start of the show? Borderlands pre-sequel. Oh, I've played that. That game was, I want to say bad enough that it ended PKA Plays.

After we beat that game, we're all like, you know what? We don't want to play games together anymore. Screw this. I had fun with it. We play it together when we do play it. We haven't played it in months, but we played Borderlands 2 together a lot. And so when that came out, we haven't played it in months but we played borderlands 2 together a lot and so when that came out we obviously played through beat that on regular ultimate vault hunter true vault hunter whatever one's higher i don't recall but i think it's fun i like it it's just like a

who gives a shit play around for a little while game that you don't really have to care about when the sorry so tired um when the first borderlands came out, I was still playing COD 4. And that was like the World at War year. So I didn't start COD 4 when it first came out. But I had like a year and a half in COD 4. And then Borderlands dropped and I was so desperately thirsting for a new game before Modern Warfare 2 came out that I loved it. Now I should be able to fix this lickety split. I apologize for that.

I have no idea what's going on tonight. I'm sure it's totally your fault. It's actually both of my lines are going down simultaneously and intermittently. So it hasn't been going on lately at all. This is the first time in weeks that I've been aware of and I'm yeah, that sucks You need a dual WAN router with follow failover Yeah, I know what that is. Oh, yeah one of those Will those hit warp three?

They go mock three Yeah, how many teraflops can I run through one of those travel back in time yeah how many teraflops can i run through one of those bad boys 6.1 it's uh i was convinced kyle that you were just intent until the second time but i thought the first time your internet went down that you were pulling a sneaky kyle maneuver and just turning it off and then feasting on your remaining taco bell now i will say this like like i what i do is i hurriedly like i'm pushing buttons and trying to get stuff going, but sometimes there's like machine time where like the, the PC's like, you know, restarting. I'm just going at it like this, uh, this, this Mexican pizza is mostly gone now.

As you can see. Uh, once it's gone, we're gonna move on either to the seven layer burrito or the double decker taco supreme. I haven't decided which. Oh, the possibilities. Now, are you still hungry? Yeah, I can just keep going. But you're not still hungry.

No, I'm not hungry. I'm not like thirsting for more food. Yeah, I don't want more food. It's not like, ah, I need more to keep going. It's like, I can eat some more. Aren't you going to feel terrible like no in an hour or when this ends you're probably don't understand that i hear people talk about that i hear people talk about things like hangovers things like um like oh yeah i ate a big meal i could feel it and like indigestion and stuff like that i'm not familiar with any of these things you're not familiar with the hangover

you are familiar with The Hangover? You are familiar with The Hangover. When we got trashed that night, the next morning, you were complaining about it. In Joliet. On all that tequila and vodka? Oh, I don't remember.

I honestly don't remember that. The only time I remember being hungover is after a night in Austin, Texas where I was vomiting all night long. But for the most part, especially with meals like this, no, I'm going to feel great. I could eat all this and then go swim if I wanted to. Not well, but I don't get it. I'll be fine. I'm with you on that.

My problems are more like, I know I fucked up. Like look, I could lose a few pounds. I'd like to. And if I were to eat what Kyle has tonight, I'd be like, well, you know, now you have to work that much harder. You just took a step backwards.

Yeah, I'd have to have like a pep talk to make myself feel better about myself. If I ate what you ate tonight, I'd have to like go in the bathroom later, have like a nasty

fire sauce burp and look in the mirror and just be like, what have you done? What have you done, you piece of shit? You fat piece of shit. I weigh myself. Are you being serious or are you goofing? I weigh myself every day.

I weigh myself every day. When I was what I would consider to be peak physical condition, like going into the paintball event, I weighed 178 pounds, something like that. At one point I had dropped down like 174, but I didn't think that that, I thought I needed to gain a little more. So I got back up to like 178 pounds flat and right now I'm at like 179.2 pounds. I've been eating so much garbage for like the last week or so and only a pound 1.2 pounds like that's nothing Like it's it's not sure you're 170. I didn't think that you were heavier than

You weigh less camp 179 last time I weighed myself. I was like one. I was 168 what I Guarantee I've gained like four or five pounds since then. So I'm probably like 174, 173. You're like six foot even though. I'm a little bit taller than you, I think. But wow, you are skinny. I just got a big head. There's like 30 pounds of skull and face tissue here. I'm built like a lollipop.

What can I say? I am. I can't wear sunglasses. I look like an asshole because it bows out on the sides. In any case, that's really skinny. I'm 178. When we were in Chicago way back when, I was 225. Think about that.

Was that when I was there, you were 225? Yeah, we weighed ourselves in the gym uh there at the hotel and i was like 225 and you were like 200 yeah i don't remember you being that heavy yeah we were both pudgy fucks oh yeah yeah i was eating steak every night like there was a period where we're like we ate steak every night. My cholesterol must have been off the charts because it was like filet mignon five nights a week at least. That's good, right? Cholesterol

off the charts? Better than everyone? Yeah. They can't even measure my levels. Exactly. They said they've never seen anything like it. I don't know my current weight. We haven't brought the scale to the new house. I haven't been weighed in a while.

It's probably like 202-ish, which is higher than I want it to be. I got a nice scale. I don't know. I guess I probably got a decent scale. I got a $50 or $60 scale. I like its features. I like that there's not a whole bunch of Morse code and getting complicated. You just stand on it, it weighs you, and then you get off.

And there's no bullshit. I've had scales that seem to be like... He's gone. But I agree with the point he's about to make. When a scale wants to come up with your body fat and some sort of health percentage and some other judgments it passes on you, I see that you're back now. You're like, no, I just want to wait and i want it fast i i would like to have my body mass index and all that but

it can't do it at you can just google that too right you just figure out the weight and the height and you can figure that out uh I don't know the body mass calculation. I know you can calculate it. Is that how it works? Because before I lost weight, I went online and I checked, and I was like, oh, gross. And then I fixed it. There you go.

Since we moved, I've been eating better. Like more home-cooked meals, not just going to restaurants, waiting for my fucking contractor to do his job for three months. And, uh, and that's had a positive effect. I think we'll get the scale probably tomorrow. We're going over there. So typically on Friday mornings, I don't have to drive hope to school. Jackie does it because I'm up late doing PKA. I wonder if that will hold true here. Why wouldn't i don't know something to do with letting the dogs out or a lack of sympathy i don't know it's harder now oh are you further from her school that's true yeah we are further from her school all the other commutes are a

little better like you know collins therapy and parkour and a bunch of things that we do, but I hope school is farther, which she'll start driving herself in December. Oh, so then it doesn't even matter. You're so close to the end. That was kind of the thought process. Like, yeah, she can handle it herself. And you might say, well, you're just pushing it onto her. Yeah, but she does half of it.

I drive her there, then I drive back solo. And today I went solo to pick her up, of it i drive her there then i drive back solo and today i went you know solo to pick her up and then i drive her back you know that's you know she only does half of it i have to do both halves i want to know your what's your curfew plan for her do you have like a whole thing set up where you're going to be like all right you got to be home by midnight or 11 or wherever and no boys and none of this or that like she just got getting nervous she just got invited to the prom a couple weeks ago and she's picked out her dress and her shoes and her purse and this and that and um the curfew was pretty early it was but then

they said they wanted to go out to dinner after the party and um this became a thing now they're only friends but like i went to the prom right i went to the prom with a girl and i guess we had like broken up before the prom started i still got to second base uh old school second base rules not i don't know what second base is nowadays i think it's old school second base of the shirt like nowadays second base is anal or something like i don't know it's fucking bases got rearranged and yes and yeah but anyway so i got to old school second base and we were only friends so i'm hip to your games uh i'm not i don't oh wait i forgot to turn off kyle anyway uh so what we did they wanted to go out to dinner and we're trying to like balance this, you know, like, all right, I don't want you to look like a square. Use my 50s hip, 50s language.

And this, you know, but I also want to make sure everything is cool. And I'm like, all right, let's do this. But we'll FaceTime, you know, like, hey, when you get to the restaurant, FaceTime me. When you leave the restaurant, FaceTime me. And, you know, we'll make sure everything is good. And she started complaining about the amount of data that that takes and i'm like like there's a problem here when like i don't know dad that's a lot of data can i send you a picture and in my head i'm like she could just take like six

pictures and do whatever she wants for the next two hours. I want her FaceTime available. You want to be able to see those eye movements and those reactions. Make sure it's not like, how you doing, honey? We're just having the best time here at Red Robin. Or just clearly lying to you. I didn't even think of that. I didn't want her to take six pictures on location. And then filter them to me over the next two hours.

You know, I'm still here. Now I'm doing this. Yeah. Hold up a newspaper next to you. What day is it? So, uh,

yeah, but, um, uh, what was I going to say anyway? So she has to FaceTime you every couple hours or we, uh, we got it all worked out so that she was going to respond.

By the way, the guy she's going out with, I think he's a year older, and he can drive by himself. That's a thing too. When I was a kid, people used to drink and drive on the prom. It was a big deal. They used to put a fatality accident in the school, in front of the school, the car wreckage and stuff. We always rented a limo so that no one had to concern themselves with bad driving. in the school, like in front of the school, like the wrecked car wreckage and stuff. And, um,

we always rented a limo so that like no one had to concern themselves with bad driving. But, um, this guy is, this boy's going to be driving and they're only friends. But like you said, you know, sometimes friends become good friends on prom night.

And, uh, and then they canceled the whole dinner thing. So there's kind of come home after the prom, but she got like full approval to go out so long as she was like leashed, I'll say. And, and then they canceled it.

But that's like, you weren't too stringent with it. Not like be home by nine 45 and pulling a bunch of horse shit. The philosophy on it goes like this. Like there are what I call freedom bombs, you know, and pulling a bunch of horse shit. The philosophy on it goes like this. There are what I call freedom bombs, these freedom bombs that get dropped on her. One happens when she gets her license,

and the other happens when she goes away to college. And Kyle says he's not looking good. What I want is for her to experience this freedom and not go wild with bad behavior. My friend, when I was a sophomore, when he got his driver's license, he was like number fifth in our school. And there were like, whatever, 350 kids maybe in our class. And he was fifth academically. Like he was sort of in the running for valedictorian.

You know, he's one of those guys. And he finished at like 10% or something like that. You know, it was a big drop he went from fifth to like 30th and um and then when he went to school you know it was another like freedom exposure and he didn't do well with it and i think that's it's almost cliche that like this girl who's under super strict rules in high school goes to college and just goes wild and goes hog wild and exactly some regrettable decisions exactly so i'm trying to loosen up the reins you know so that when they get these you know freedom bombs they're able to

handle it properly and that's why she was able to like go out and stuff on prom night that's the line you gotta toe because it's hard because if you're too strict i know if like my parents were ever too strict with me which they weren't bad like i would be thinking like if i got the opportunity to get hammered like in a high school party or something i'd be like well who knows when this opportunity is going to arise again my parents are going to have me on lock and key so i better get super drunk and be really reckless i gotta pack a lot of fun into one night as opposed to like if you know your parents because there was always those parents in high school where they would be like now you can't go out and drink but you can have all your friends

here and drink and then those kids are always a little more muted you know because it's like all right i can do this whenever i want these kids are coming over and they're gonna get shitty and rowdy but you know this isn't this is just another night for me it's kind of a balance i took hope to a concert and uh concerts are fun funny now like they have parent areas i don't think they had parent areas when i was a kid but they literally have like parent daycare at these concerts so i go and then we're available via text you know just around the corner upstairs or whatever and uh she had two friends that were going they were were twins. And they're like, you can go provided that Hope's dad is there. And she's like, but Hope's dad needs to call me and confirm that this is real.

And yeah. So they're like, you need to call this mom. I met her one time, but I didn't really know her. And it was awkward for me. And I'm like, yeah, I'm going. It's real. I'll be there. Everything is cool. And I'll be there and everything is cool

and, you know, I'll keep an eye on your girls and et cetera. And then I got their phone number, sounds really pedo. And I was like, hey, it's Hope's dad. You got an issue, you text me, I'll be right on top of it. And, but her mom said something that burned into my head. She's like, you know, I've got good girls, but this is the age at which kids try things. So, you know, I just wanted to double check their story.

And I thought, yeah, I like the way you're parenting. You know, trust but confirm. So that's the thing. That's good with the advent of like FaceTime and cell phones now. You can actually hold kids accountable. Right. Like for what they're doing a lot bigger extent. You can make sure that they're not pulling a fucking weekend at Bernie's

and, you know, just gallivanting around or goofing off. That's not a good thing, actually, because it's more fun when you can do those things. But as far as safety is concerned, from a parent's perspective, I can see how that would make it a lot less stressful. What was I going to say? Yeah, yeah. So I tried to be hip to the whole tech thing and how that can work.

But we're using it, excuse me, to give her more privileges. I think Kyle is here, maybe? Hopefully. After his mouth stuffing. Oh, there you are. It's going well yeah camera you can't see me that's true now can you it press my videos on like it's we'll see where that goes so you

definitely don't have a little key turn off and on oh it's coming oh I turned it off and then on now I see you ah would he perfectly diagnosed it can you restart it um welcome back we were just talking about parenting and hope and easing her privileges so that she can handle her freedom well when is she gonna come play some civ with me i i've thrown down the gauntlet you have you know when you first challenged her i think she could have hung with you but the kyle of today is a stronger player

than the kyle of six ago. We played last night for God knows how long. It really wasn't fun. I tweeted... I believe you. I tweeted out that Chiz and I were playing and we needed some more players and the lobby filled up fast

and I tried to boot out the people who didn't have the DLC. Get that DLC. It's like $10 and you need it all. And I tried to boot out the people who didn't have the DLC. Get that DLC. It's like $10, and you need it all. And I tried to get rid of the people who had bad ping. One guy had like a two-second ping. But still, we got the game started, and someone didn't have all the DLC, and it was kind of a critical piece of DLC, so the game wasn't as fun.

And we played for like 30 or 40 turns, and Chiz and I were both very happy with how the game was going for us. We were both doing really well. We were both dominating and then we had some sort of a disconnect malfunction and then getting like five random kids back in our game and getting the game rolling again took like another

half hour, 45 minutes and then we just gave up and started a whole new game with some new people. And I think that that one also froze and ended. It was just like five hours of just futility. It was, it was really terrible. We had, that was the worst experience I've had yet playing Civ. It just, just the game was just broken when it comes to,

it is broken when it comes to getting more than like three or four people together for a multiplayer session. just doesn't work i played this one time and for like three hours i did nothing but build artillery and infantrymen that i couldn't use do you remember that time maybe maybe i've played so many games. I think I've got like... I should look. I'm going to guess. I'm going to guess you have 621 hours. Do you know something I don't know?

No, I totally pulled the number out of my hat. Oh, okay. Let me... Well, I'm in Civ now. Hang on a sec. Let's see. Cancel, cancel, cancel. How do I get out of here?

Escape? Hang on a sec. Let's see. Cancel, cancel, cancel. How do I get out of here? Escape. Good call. I can't believe I got that right. Just a good guess. You know, escape's kind of backwards. Would I find that in Steam? Yes.

Okay. Well, then I can just get out of this. I might be able to find it out about you in steam i'm going to my library right now no buddy 998 hours whoa you are right there you're almost four digits i'll i'll cap that off tonight two hours tonight i could get in two hours. Two hours in Civ is like 20 minutes in the real world. That's not true. I love that game so much. It's two hours in the real world. So here's how it is for me at this point because I've played so many games. And I play a lot of single player too.

The first like 50 turns, it's like when you're driving in the car and you're not really paying attention it just kind of happens like i know every one of my moves for the first 50 or so turns it's just pre-programmed it's going to be the same thing every single time or it's going to be like what's your opening move you build a worker build a settler or settle build a worker scout uh scout yeah i i go scout and then um depending on the environment why scout uh to start getting those ancient ruins that's what i was thinking start finding uh other civs and other uh city states it's all about gold and and and whoever discovers all the other uh countries first gets a a bonus in the diplomacy i don't remember exactly what it is, but you get to be a host or something or another.

But yeah, exploration is really important. You can figure out if you need a military because the Huns are right next door. So I'll usually have three or four scouts by the mid-game point of the thing. But first I build a scout, and then if I had a bunch of bananas or wheat, I might build a granary. But usually I'll build a shrine first because I like to get my pantheon belief faster than anybody else and get the one I want. And I like to couple

the Egyptians with the ancient wonder building pantheon belief and then couple that with the ancient wonder culture belief. Every time I play with you and Chiz, you're all like, like nah don't even play the religion game i would just quit if i was you i would be my religion you shouldn't do that you shouldn't listen to us we're on the same team we're fucking liars like but religion is one of those things that like even if you're on the same team it's like somebody's got to be the big guy around here and it's gonna be me my religion is gonna be stronger like you want your religion to be

stronger because it's just like gold or anything any other like our culture anything else you you use you you uh you uh you acquire it and then you spend it and it earns you things uh as you achieve milestones uh it's it's it's another important fast for the game i like religion now i usually try to be the religion uh in every game i play i i feel like if i fail at religion i'm probably not doing too well at the game how does religion like what why does it matter okay so um it it matters because of the bonuses that it provides you. And you get to choose what those bonuses are when you build your religion. You get to decide if salt makes you happy or something like that. Yeah, that's more of a pantheon belief.

But the religious beliefs are things like you get a military bonus if you're near a city that shares your religion. Or city-states who share your religion like you more, or your trade routes are better. It's just like culture. It's bonuses that help your empire, but they work through faith, and faith is spread through either missionaries and prophets going out and actually converting other cities and missionarying and injecting religion into them, or by the actual religious pressure that is being emanated from your city like radio waves

or from trade routes, and basically you infect the rest of the planet with your religion by designing it to fit the map that you're on, and by the end, everybody is always of the Kyle's cock religion. I name my religion Kyle's cock because I get these notifications that say things like, Geneva wants Kyle's cock. Belgrade desires Kyle's cock. Does anybody worship Kyle's cock. Belgrade desires Kyle's cock. Does anybody worship Kyle's cock? It starts off small, but then it grows. Yeah, absolutely.

Religion is a pretty important part of the game. It's just as important as culture is. It's really important. I love that game so much. I know it's so boring to watch. Or play. Or listen to people talk about it.

How I feel when you guys talk about Civ is how you feel when I try and talk about NHL playoffs. All right, here's that feeling. How's St. Louis doing? Eat shit, Woody. Go ahead and go fuck yourself. Every fucking year. Every fucking year. How are they doing?

Just tell us. Would you say they're having a good year this year? They had an excellent regular season. Did they? As they always do. And every year, everybody's like, oh, this is with all the analysts. This is the Blues year. This is why they're going to make it through. Everything's coming together up St. Louis.

And then it's first round every fucking year. They get knocked out, and the whole city's distraught. And I feel sad. It ruins days for me. It's not like, oh, rats. I'm dismayed and sad for me. It's not like, oh, rats. I'm dismayed and sad for days. I talked to people in Ferguson and no one gave a shit whatsoever. Well, we're talking apples and oranges here.

Yeah, but they got knocked out by the Minnesota Wild. And now, that's the worst thing about getting knocked out in the first round, is now I have to root for them to win it all because then it makes my team look better if they go on to win everything you feel me you know what i mean no yeah no no i know exactly what you mean yeah it's it's no if you get knocked out by the yankees in the first round of the playoffs then after it's all over you can be like you know how the postseason go for your team. Oh, we got knocked out by the Yankees, but shit, they won it all, right? Yeah, it's exactly how it is. I understand.

And I tried to raise my spirits by watching the Cardinals. You could be like, nobody could stop them that year. Yeah. I hear where you're coming from, but like if the Penguins knock out the Flyers, fuck the Penguins under every situation. Fuck the Penguins. It's true. It's a good rivalry there Penguins. It's true.

It's a good rivalry there. Yes. A fun rivalry. The Flyers have something like the Penguins haven't beat the Flyers in the last 10 times they've played or something. It's one of the longest streaks of a rivalry being so one-sided and one team still doing better than the other. I can't name another. For people who don't know, I don't know how many games in a row it is but i know that the flyers beat the penguins every time this year every single time the flyers beat the penguins now the flyers are at home watching the playoffs mind you but uh uh the penguins can't beat us

us i say because i am a part i'm a flyer I say because I am a part I'm a flyer a flyer do you have a shirt you wear around when playoffs season turns up only the years they make it right I know if I were to have a

shirt I would want it to be like an old out of fashion one like an X logo it should say it was like the broad street bullies like a 70s shirt. Dude, I would want a Bobby Clark one. I think that would be pretty cool. That would be pretty cool.

I know Kyle was distraught when you guys lost the Thrashers. You sent me a lot of aggravated texts about that. I actually was a little bit. I knew a few of the players. I think there was a Kovalchuk guy or something like that. When you said you knew a few players, I thought you had partied with them or made a video or no no like no i'm just saying that like i'm not a hockey plant fan at all and so just me knowing a few of the players names mean something like i went to a couple of i went to two thrashers games maybe watch three more on tv um so yeah it kind of

sucked when they left because if nothing else, it was just kind of cool to go to one. It was just something different to do. I wasn't like, I hope they get them into the boards tonight. I'm not a fan at all. I don't know what's going on half the time. It's a fun environment to go to in hockey games though. Yeah, nothing like drinking

an ice cold $8 beer while you shiver and watch a bunch of behemoths beat each other up on the ice. I wouldn't say that. I don't follow hockey as closely as I used to. It's because I have Netflix instead of real time TV so I can't see any of the games live.

What if Netflix had sports coverage? That would be awesome. That would be great. If there was Netflix premium and it came with an MLB package and they did it the smart way instead of like the way cable companies fuck you they were like you want MLB that's $3 a month

you want NFL that's $3 more and did it like that that'd be sick everybody would buy that I feel like Netflix is being really innovative have you seen Daredevil? no I am trying to watch that it guys it's it's the best thing they've ever made i'm from where they're all the ratings it's the highest rated show they ever made

above house of cards above orange is the new black above um pecky blinder i was so skeptical at first i was like daredevil the blind superhero the ben affleck flop like i don't want to see a show about this guy it's really fucking good it's all the actors are very good the special effects are really good the the the fighting there's this one shot in like the second or third episode where basically i don't think this i don't think this is a spoiler it's just i'm he's in a fight scene in a hallway and uh it's just him and he's already been wounded and he rolls in and he's in a fight scene in a hallway and uh it's just him and he's already been wounded and he rolls in and he's wrapped rope around his knuckles and around his wrists like like bracelets all the way up to here i and and he just walks into this place full of bad guys and just goes ape shit on

him like there's no like he doesn't say a word he opens the door they're playing poker and he's just like one two three just like he's just going through and beating him up and there's this scene where like he's in the hallway and and he's completely exhausted and and the whole shot is his superpower it's blindness it's he's got super agility uh super super amazing balancing skills uh and um he's got this echo location ability uh basically all of his other senses are like a thousand times better so he can see it's just a weird way of seeing he feels pressure waves in the air heat variations he can smell things uh from really far away he can hear

a human heartbeat if it's in the building uh shit like that so okay it's better than seeing so just really athletic and perceptive. Yeah, they estimate that he would be like at peak human physical strength. He could lift like maybe 400 pounds, something like that. There is one occurrence of him flipping a limousine over, I think, in his past, but that was his greatest feat of strength. But for the most part, it's just the balance and the martial arts. And he can hear your heartbeat if you're in the room.

Like I said, he can smell you from seemingly miles away. It's ridiculous some of the stuff he can do. Does he have to make noise all the time? Is he walking around clapping to find bad guys? No, no echolocation or anything like that. Or there was something really... They were like, oh, shit! Oh, no, it's my arch enemy, surround sound man.

But they do a really good job. Oh, it's Bose 5.0. Dolby Digital, not again. They do a really good job with the show. I promise you, you should check this thing out. It's one of the best things. It's a very good show. I'm getting close to the end.

I got like two episodes to go, I think. I'll say this about it. So I don't know. All right, this isn't a spoiler. It's just that this is no more a spoiler than me saying that, you know, who the villain is in a Batman movie. The villain in the show is Fisk. And Fisk, if you ever watch the cartoons, you're familiar with this guy.

He's a big, hulking, white guy who's like half Donald Trump, half like, I don't know, just a really brutal guy, physical guy, who himself is not above beating a man to death with his bare hands. He's a hulk of a guy, but he's also sort of a criminal genius mastermind type character as well. He's played, I think,

I didn't look this up, it just looks like him to me, by the guy from Full Metal Jacket who plays Private Pyle. You remember this guy? Yeah, the big sort of goofy guy kills himself, right? Yeah, he plays Fisk. I'm so captivated by the villain in this show that I don't even want to watch Daredevil anymore.

I want there to be a new show called Fisk. And it's just about Fisk. That's an inventive name. It's about what now? Fisk. Okay. Like Wilson Fisk. And it's just about Fisk. That's an inventive name. It's about what now? Fisk. Like Wilson Fisk. I'm going to say the show spends equal time giving the backstory of Daredevil and Fisk. You spend a lot of time with the bad guy in this show and you get and and he's such a three-dimensional bad guy it's I like I like I like this better than I like man I think which I think is the daredevils real name it's it's a really good show all the episodes have been good some of the fight scenes are just amazing I really like the one I was

talking about where they're fighting in the hallway and there's like maybe eight or nine guys plus him and it's one of those shots where there aren't any cuts in it and it just keeps going and he's like maybe eight or nine guys plus him and uh it's one of those shots where there aren't any cuts in it and it just keeps going and he's just exhausted he's just like leaning against the wall like but and they're all like crawling around him and trying to recover and every now and then one gets up enough strength to throw another blow at him and and he goes from just completely exhausted to just like matrix style like reflexes and like defeating that opponent and then back to resting again because he's just fighting so many guys and he's already in bad

shape. There's I don't know what more I can say about the show. I really enjoyed it. What is his superpower? Is he just really like this universe's kingpin? Yeah, kinda. Yeah. I don't think the kingpin had any

I'm not sure. I think't think the Kingpin had any... I'm not sure. I think he is the Kingpin, right? I have no idea. Yeah, I could be wrong. I'm trying to remember cartoons from when I was like 10 or 11, but I think Fisk is the Kingpin. Could be.

Is this the same universe as other superheroes? It's Marvel. Yeah, that's another thing. All the other real superheroes are alive in this reality and he's just some blind dude that claps at enemies yeah they reference uh the second avengers new york disaster in this uh because it's it takes place in hell's kitchen and hell's kitchen is all destroyed because you know i don't know thor threw a worm man into it or something kyle's right. Fisk is kingpin. Oh.

Yeah, it's been... I used to watch the Daredevil cartoon when I was a kid. That and Spider-Man and all that stuff. It's hard to remember all that stuff. I like it. Now I trust Netflix to do, like... I mean, if Netflix did an X-Men thing, that'd be so cool. I don't know.

They're doing a really good job with this, though. I'll try it out. I'm trying to think what the maturity level is. There aren't any tits. Which, it would be great if there were tits. Yeah, they make shows better. Yeah, and there aren't any F-bombs, but there's definitely shits and assholes.

So it's not over-the-top clean of like, well, dad, gum it, Kingpin. No, no. Old school Batman. And there's a lot of gore. And one thing I noticed was that if a guy gets shot in the head in a car or something, there's brain matter on the window.

There's goop and bone and chunks of hair and shit. It's Walking Dead-esque sometimes with the gore, and I like that too. That really does add to it. Yeah. As far as the story, it makes it feel more intense, like there's actually something at risk instead of him just like,

ker-pow, beating up a bunch of ruffians that just fall aimlessly about. Yeah, he has a hard time throughout the show. He oftentimes gets the shit kicked out of him. It's pretty great. He doesn't have super recovery. He's the only superhero that I would rather have normal sight than his powers.

Maybe. I don't know if he has... So I read a little bit about him online on Marvel's website, and they didn't mention any kind of a healing factor, and I don't think in the comics he did. But seemingly in this show, he's healing up pretty fast because it seems like he'll have between maybe eight cuts,

he'll have 50 stitches, 60 stitches, something like that. And he's just like, all right, and he puts on a button-up T-shirt and he's like, go time again. And it's just like, wait a minute, puts on a button-up t-shirt. And he's like, go time again! And he's just like, wait a minute. You should be recovering. So I don't know. It seems like he shakes it off a lot of the time. But I won't spoil anything.

Yeah, I'll try that out. I just, I don't know. I'm biased. I don't get into superhero stuff that much. This is not a goofy... They reference some stuff. So the idea of superheroes is kind of a goofy thing. They reference that a few times.

His friends, somebody says something like, I thought you pantyhose-wearing types made your own costumes or something like that. They talk about that there are superheroes in this world and everybody kind of knows it. It's cool. Hmm. Well, I'll have to invest a little time in that yeah it already got signed on for a second season i think it's like i think it's like 13 episodes they're like 50 something minutes apiece so it's a lot of content it's good

stuff yeah you should try out peaky blinders too if you haven't watched that yet I haven't even tried to watch that I couldn't stay awake I watched every episode I thought it sucked but when I looked at the highest rated Netflix stuff ever like by the users it did really well which makes me want to try it again how far did you get into it maybe first episode or into the first episode

oh you gotta give it some more time yeah that's how Daredevil was I watched the first episode and I was like come on do something and then the first episode. Oh, you gotta give it some more time. Yeah, that's how Daredevil was. I watched the first episode and I was like, come on, do something. And then the second episode has that crazy fight scene and I was just blown away by it. Peaky Blinders is similar. You get a couple episodes in and

they start making attempts on his life and he starts killing three people in one go and slashing people's faces with those razor blades and eyeballs and shit and people get raped and murdered and this the stuff you're saying while it interests me i'm always good for a good rape murder it wouldn't sell jackie on it so oh it's quite violent there's a lot it's it's a it's a real throat cutter like there's lots of yeah there's lots of literally

there's lots of throats getting slashed in particular, and eyes getting slashed. One guy, they just saw off half his ear right there, like right there on screen. I thought that was pretty intense. That was really intense. For a minor infraction, he was taking bets, and they were taking over his territory.

They were just like, ah, Peaky Blinders run this shit now. And he was just like, fuck, you could have just said so. What's the worst Netflix show they've made so far? Oh, there was one with werewolves, right? That was awful. I didn't see that. No, the one about the one that was set in like,

the guy who explored uh or whatever oh you gingus khan or gingus khan or something like that no marco polo marco polo yeah i i think i think that one's pretty crappy that's i could yeah i watched quite a bit of that and it wasn't do you ever get into those shows where like you kind of just let it run while you're doing other shit and i got like six or seven episodes into it before I was just like, this is just bad. I'm not entertained. I'm not paying attention. This dude is just... Yeah, I haven't seen Vikings.

It's better than Marco Polo. Yeah, Marco Polo is pretty piss poor, which sucks because you can tell they put quite a bit of money into it. But they are Netflix, so they can probably afford it. So Pompadour, I i guess is the worst rated than south cliff veggie tales in the house i don't know that one a tie for 23rd place inspector gadget richie rich russell peters versus third world um what is pompadou i don't know That's the lowest rated one. It's a big tie at 19th. 13th place is a big tie, and Arrested Development is in there.

I kind of liked Arrested Development, the TV show, and then when it came out for Netflix, it was like, eh. I don't know. It lost its magic to me. Hemlock. That's the one I was talking about. That sucks. Ah, okay. I haven't seen that.

Lilyhammer was okay. Trailer Park Boys was good, but not to me great. Hemlock Grove it was called. Have you seen the latest season of Trailer Park Boys? I thought it was pretty good. Still no. I need to get on that. That's the one where J-Rock has his own brand of vodka.

It's blue. At one point, Jim Leahy is in he's got a he's got a pool inside his trailer he's it's full of j-rock's like blue colored liquor uh and it has died it has died all of his skin blue he's been in he's been in it so long he has the top half of a mannequin in there with him because Randy's left him and he's drawn a goatee on it like Julian's. And he's taken a drill with one of those wood cutting bits and drilled a hole in the mouth.

And he's just like, Julian! Ah! And he's like tonguing the mannequin while he's in there. Then they go a lot farther than they'd ever gone before and i didn't think that was possible because there's been some weird gay sex like happening on all kinds of like costumes and stuff uh at one point all jim lahey is wearing

is a toilet uh toilet um paper roll like around his. And that's it. Where are the balls? They're just hanging there. See, this isn't selling me. You have to keep in mind you only see that because the camera crew and plus Julian or Ricky, I don't remember which, stumble

into the apartment and Jim is half-dressed. No, Jim is wearing nothing but that and Randy was dressed as a beekeeper or something with his pants pulled down around his ankles, passed out too. They stumbled into some weird dress up sex show where they were both passed out. It was

funny. Ricky's daughter is now pregnant so that's a thing. Ricky's going to be a grandfather and he's trying to provide for the grandchild and come up with a suitable living condition for it. It's a good season. I thought it was

top tier for them. Quick update on Chris Hansen. He still hasn't written us. That would make him a Lord of the Rings and a half late. So that's inexcusable. I got the extended version.

I don't know about that. All right. Lord of the Rings and a third. You got to watch the extended version. I've seen them. Okay. I've got them. Yeah, some people haven't seen them.

It's much better. You get to see them handing out the Lambus bread or whatever, and everybody gets their cloaks. And you know what all that stuff means later in the show whenever they have a close-up of like uh you know the clasp of a cloak or something you gotta watch the extended versions they're only like 20 or 30 minutes longer all right what's the first sex scene you watch with your parents uh probably some home video who knows your parents home video of them having sex of course not i don't know i

don't remember which one i was probably too young to know and it was probably uncomfortable for them like is he gonna remember this is he gonna know is he gonna ask i don't know i have no idea thanks for hitting it back taylor thanks for getting it back this is not something that i did like was seared i i think i usually like i think I was always pretty careful to avoid that from happening. I always had a TV and a VCR and or DVD player in my bedroom, so like, I would usually watch stuff alone anyway.

I don't, I was with my grandmother when we watched Alien Resurrection, which is Alien 4, and they don't show it, but it's heavily implied that Ripley's character the character of Ripley is like

has sex with the alien queen and somehow they have some sort of lesbian like love child that's like that's like just mutinous that horrible pale skinned half human half alien creature at the end of that movie so that's about as close and I had to explain it to my grandmother.

We're leaving, and she's like, I don't understand. Did they have sex? And me and my popper both was like, yes! Yes! I was like 12, and I caught it. I don't think Woody would have picked up on it either.

Yeah, I'm slow with that. I watched Blue Lagoon. Do you guys even know that movie with Brooke Shields? Yeah, I've seen Blue Lagoon. Brooke Shields. She's underage and very naked, isn't she? Yeah. Oh, is that when it's her and the guy on the island

and it's a lot of sexual exploration? That's right. Yeah, for some reason I was watching Blue Lagoon with my parents on Betamax way back in the day. And I think it was like – it wasn't planned. I didn't know it was that sexy. And it's just like, well, shit, we're all in this pretty deep now, huh? Like there it is.

And like there was a scene where the boy – I forget what his name is. But he holds up coconuts. He's like, I see you. And he's got like coconuts and make-believe boobs or something, and she's mad. And she was like, I see you. She basically described him masturbating. Like, I saw what happens when you get this, and I saw what happens when you play for it for too long. And it's like, ooh, I didn't even know at the time.

But I did get the full-on sex they had. At one point, he laid on top of her, and they were both like, you know, and then you could see he went in her. Not like porn view, but it was clear that suddenly they had transitioned from, I think they were fighting, and then they went to sex. So that was mine. Yeah, so what was the first time your kids watched a pretty graphic sex scene with you i want to know what it's like on the other side of that that curtain

uh shucks i don't even know i'm sure it's happened uh i mean what happens now is like she'll watch i i catch hope watching something that is like 99% innocent. And then the one time I walk in the room, I'm like, really? And she's like, Dad, I swear. This doesn't represent what the show is like. It's funny. There's lawyers and there's cases. And then what's happening right now?

First time it's happened in four episodes. I catch the poor girl in that sort of scenario too much. and then what's happening right now? First time it's happened in four episodes. Yeah. Like I catch the poor girl in that sort of scenario too much. That's unfortunate. And nothing with Colin yet that you recall? No, I don't think so. Colin's into really innocent stuff. Guinness Book of World Records mostly lately.

It's a good book. Yeah, he's all, you know, he knows like every record in there and uh he gets really excited and he always tells me like oh kyle's back do not try this at home and but the way he says it implies like well if you're not at home fuck it so it's like he thought that he found a loophole in there. Don't try it at home, right dad? Do not do this at home. Try it at a friend's house. Yeah, exactly. That's like the unspoken implication.

Do not do this at home. Don't run around your pool, right dad? Yeah, yeah. We're talking about how Collins into the Guinness Book of World Records. Guinness Book of World Records. He's a big fan. Largest gape, widest tongue, a bunch of stuff. They have a bunch of you.

Largest gape? Yeah, apparently a gape is how open you can make your mouth. Oh, aha. I was thinking of, I guess, a subgenre. That is pretty awful I can't imagine them putting that in the book I could oh that would be a great oh I just realized you talking about rear ends yeah xx yeah just a whole coffee I want a whole coffee table book of just buttholes. Just blown out. Just real big.

There's one of Vagina's and Madonna made it and she slipped her own vagina in there. I know. Is it like a Where's Waldo kind of guessing thing or is it like she tells you? I don't know. I don't have the book. But she said that she put her own vagina in there

and made a book of vaginas so that girls everywhere would know that their vagina was okay. Wow, that doesn't seem attention-seeking. It seems really selfless. Yeah, there's a big movement to make women with ugly pussies feel good about it. I think she may have had a profit motive. Oh, she may have. Because if someone made a book called, like, you book called Kyle's Big Book O'Cox. I just made this so that little boys

can look at all these dicks and say, hey, looks kind of like mine. Funny you should mention that. Coming this fall in paperback. Kyle's going to outsell my buy bad diet. Did you see that protein world

thing that happened? So I guess this place called Protein World, the fitness... They make fitness products like protein powder and shit. They had this whole sort of fat-shaming ad campaign and they got so much attention.

It was about, is your body beach body ready or something like are you is your body beach body ready or something like that is your body beach ready it was the thing they kept asking no i'm not sure i think they had something a little bit more edgy than that uh and um and they got a lot of uh a lot of hate and a lot of attention by it and i think they did like 20 million in sales in like a couple of days got Got like 132 million impressions on their website or something like that. So why were people mad?

It seems like... Are you Beachbody ready? Is the poster. Do you have a picture of it? I do. Let me share it with everybody. Someone got mad about this? Yeah.

Yeah, apparently. Just be more pro fatty oh yeah yeah i see yes we are beach body ready how much insecurity does this scream of where it's like no one can even suggest that they might prefer a higher standard of fitness than you without you feeling so bad that you have to make a counter ad campaign through dove campaign it's not okay no it's not it's it's the opposite i think i think i think yes we are beach body ready like be confident even if you're fat oh i see well yeah so they're saying like my body's just as good no fuck. This chick down here in the bottom is fucking stacked. She's looking great.

You can tell she works hard for that. This is the perfect thing for people to get mad at this because the people who are mad about it aren't buying protein shakes or workout supplements or any of their products, and they wouldn't choose to at any juncture because they don't live their life like that. Hey, let's see the girl.

You scroll down. It's Renee Summerfield. She's 24 and you can see her down here just hanging out on the beach on another day, I suppose. She is beach body ready. She is beach body ready. Look at this. If you scroll down, you can see someone who like plastered

up what looks just like a big note card over it and says like, your body is fine just as it is. Yeah. And it's underlined for just to be like just as it is you don't need to better yourself you don't need to make an effort you're good already number two whatever it looks like your body is not a commodity commodity well it seems that okay whatever it seems like it's hate backfire living yeah and then hashtag everybody's ready hashtag everyday sexism what does that mean everybody's ready everybody's ready for the beach

yeah i guess if all it takes to have a beach body is show up at the fucking beach then yeah everybody's ready except for the people who are too big to get out of their house without a crane but the reason we have wordplay and euphemisms like beach body is so we don't have to say, you know, are you a big fat piece of shit? Yeah? Well, you should look less gross. That's not a very good campaign.

This is silly. Well, you tell them, Mirka. No, but when I looked at it, it's like how could someone be offended by this at all? It's like you're trying to motivate people to better themselves. Hmm. And make money, but whatever.

I'm glad they made a lot of money. That's good. Yeah, good for them. I'm always on fat people hate, and I saw this was on there a good bit, so... I... Yeah, fat people hate's gotten redundant... and I saw this was on there a good bit. Yeah, Fat People Heat's gotten redundant. Not redundant, repetitive for me.

You get a good one every now and then. I'm sure. But yeah, I just feel like I've seen it. Sorry, I'm doing the scene the scene making Kyle look right sorry about that I don't know why it just keeps dropping in and out I think it's just the internet I guess I don't know what the deal is

I don't know why I have to keep fixing it I feel like I fixed this shit like four times tonight and it seems like when you're here there's one thing and when you're here, there's one thing. And when you're not here, there's another thing. Why does it keep changing all night long? I'm not sure.

You know, I just realized something. I think that the Daredevil series came out when it did. So the events in Avengers 3 take place after Daredevil. I think they did that on purpose. Has anyone seen Avengers 3? Wait, is it out? I didn't even know it was out. I thought it was.

We're supposed to see it next weekend with friends. Hmm. I want to go see it. What's the story behind this one? I have no idea. It's Age of Ultron. I thought in the comic books that Ant-Man made Ultron.

Ant-Man did make Ultron to run his criminal prison but in the movie Tony Stark had made this artificial intelligent robot called Ultron and it's sort of artificial intelligence gone awry it's kind of that kind of a story so now he wants

to destroy all humanity so that's what's going on. Is poor man's Legolas in this one? Or did they get rid of him? Yeah, he's in this one. Oh, I saw a great internet video earlier. They basically pointed out, they were like,

why doesn't Tony Stark make Iron Man suits for all the Avengers? It was pretty funny. And it boiled down to, Tony Stark was just so egotistical that he couldn't stand to be one-upped. And it had the black guy who's War Machine. He's like, come on, Tony. What happened last year in New York?

Shit was blowing up. Everybody's dying. You couldn't get on the phone? I could have been there. I could have been there. He's like, you're just jealous. You don't want anybody to see me. He's like, I got a more tactical mind.

I got the military training, the experience. I'm cool under pressure. And I don't have all your personality disorders. He's like, I got a more tactical mind. I got the military training, the experience. I'm cool under pressure. And I don't have all your personality disorders. I'm a better Iron Man than you. And it was a good video. It was pretty good. I can't wait to see it. Was it Calisumer you said?

I don't know who made it. It was in that style. And at the end, he's like, fine. Go down to the basement. Everybody take a suit. You'll come running back to me. So they all go get themselves Iron Man suits. It's great.

Very good. I don't know if the Hulk would do well with an Iron Man suit. You'll come running back to me. So they all go get themselves Iron Man suits. It's great. Very good. I don't know if the Hulk would do well with an Iron Man suit. No, I don't know if there's... He probably doesn't need one. Yeah, he seems fine. He seems pretty set. He's like... Is the Hulk stronger than... Oh, never mind. I was about to ask Superman, but he's in a different universe. My bad. Yeah. The Hulk

is as strong as he needs to be. He has... Yeah, yeah right his strength is controlled by his the by how angry he is so the angrier he gets the stronger he gets i yeah i kind of knew that but i i just wondered like and the bigger he gets where's the upper limit like has it been what's the upper limit that we've discovered so far well what we want to do is go to marvel.com they have they did the math they did the math

I wonder how he gets himself angry or trains for it like if he has a bunch of music on his iPod that he hates and he only watches shows that he doesn't like he's a staunch conservative and he just yells at MSNBC every night oh it does horse

shit horse shit just preparing learning current events all right here you go i'll link you guys directly to the hulk i'm there so resistance to temperature mind control, poisons, and all diseases. Yeah. That's good stuff right there. Regeneration of limbs and vital organs. The Hulk possesses an incredible level of superhuman physical ability. His capacity for physical strength is potentially limitless due to the fact that the Hulk's strength increases proportion increases proportionally with his level of great emotional stress anger in particular the

Hulk uses his superhuman Lee strong leg muscles to leap great distances known to cover hundreds of miles in a single bound and once left almost into orbit around the earth the Hulk can also use his superhumanly leg muscles Yeah, that's how it's written. Superhumanly leg. Yeah. To run at super speeds. Although his legs have limitless strength, he does not have limitless

speed and once he reaches a certain speed, his legs become too strong and destroy the ground, giving him no friction to run on. Therefore, he jumps to travel the hulk can slam his hands together and create a shockwave like it's just the shockwave can deafen people why doesn't he do that immediately that's like every last resort that's a every fight every fight begins with boom you're all deaf let's go yeah but then uh then daredevil can't see so there's that yeah you take daredevil

right out uh sonic booms from his claps well that's great my soul nuclear explosions is just gone when he runs too fast so he figured out the neat science trick uh that friction doesn't matter if you just jump well his feet are running so fast that they just destroy the ground underneath him. It's not tough enough to provide resistance against his feet. So he's just cutting a hole into the ground, basically. So he just starts digging real quick. So there's a green savage hawk and a green professor hawk? Now, I don't know about all that.

There's a red Hulk. That's all I know about. I don't know. There's a gray Hulk, too. But Bruce Banner weighs 128 pounds. It's lighter than I figured. He's 5'9 and a half as Banner and weighs 128 pounds. This guy is emaciated.

Yeah, that's a really small guy. Yeah. That's why they had... What's his name playing him originally? They had Edward Norton playing him. No, they had Keanu Reeves originally, right? I don't know about that, but Martin Ruffalo plays him now, and he's definitely not that size.

I wish they had gotten Edward Norton to come along with this whole Marvel ride. I don't know why he had to be a dick. I think he wanted more money. Yeah, as I think about it edward norton would have been great yeah imagine him thrown into this cast i mean mart ruffalo is great he really is a great actor but edward norton's uh on another level i feel like yeah edward norton is one of the greats hmm yeah he'd he would add a lot to these avengers movies yeah like because right now i feel like tony stark is the only guy with really good acting

chops and i'm not sure if i'm wrong and you know hawkeye can act uh okay it wasn't obvious in the avengers i know it's not um but he can wait well was the best part of his acting when he was looking stern in the ship or was it when he was looking stern with his aiming face every other scene? I was thinking back to Hurt Locker, which one... Oh, yeah, he's a good actor, but that character sucks. Yeah, that character sucks.

It's stupid. I think it's almost like it was budgetary. It was like when they first started this thing out, they were like, all right, we're going to do a version of the Avengers. Well, which version? We're going to do the semi-expensive one. We got most of the heroes, but

no Ant-Man right off the start. There's several more characters that should be in there with them that I feel like they aren't there just for budgetary reasons because they didn't know this thing was going to be that big. I don't know why they did it this way because Ant-Man is supposed to be directly involved with the Avengers

from the beginning. What does Ant-Man is supposed to be directly involved with the Avengers from the beginning. What does Ant-Man do? He organizes them, if I remember correctly. Organizes ants? He collects the food and he brings it back to the colony. No, he organizes the Avengers, like the Avengers initiative,

the whole thing. His powers are he has... Walking and carrying. Well, he can communicate with ants, so that is an interesting thing. Thank God. And control them. But he can also shrink himself down His powers are walking and carrying. He can communicate with ants. That is an interesting thing. He can also shrink himself down to the size of an ant while maintaining

his superhuman strength. As an ant, something that can zip around the room really quickly and you can't even see it, he can throw a punch that would knock you out. Stuff like that. That's all that I can think of that he can do. Although my only like Ant-Man knowledge comes

from WatchMojo videos and the Avengers cartoon series that I watched on Netflix. He's also a wife beater but they're going to edit that right out of the Paul Rudd movie. I wonder if Paul Rudd will do a good job as a superhero.

I think it might be Marvel's first flop or it might be a new quirky type of Marvel movie much like we saw with Guardians of the Galaxy. I didn't think Guardians was going to be a big movie, but I watched it, loved it, and it was super successful. Maybe Ant-Man does the same, but I just think the name Ant-Man just seems so lame.

It is lame. His powers sound pretty lame too, where it's like, how are they going to show that on screen? Where it's like, oh, you see bad guys flying around, but trust me, he's a little ant and he's doing all this. No, I've seen that. I've seen some of the action shots in the trailer.

It looked pretty cool. He's like flying around in action shots in the trailer. It looked pretty cool. He's flying around in the Ant-Man suit. It looked pretty cool. I'm going to go see it. I'll see how it is. I guess the movie I'm most excited about, though, is The Hateful Eight. Did you guys see the trailer for that? The Quentin Tarantino

Western? When's that come out? Christmas? That'd be nice. I'm excited about Star Wars. He likes his Christmas releases. It's going to be a long time for Star Wars. Yeah, it is. I'm excited for that, too.

That should be good. Hateful Eight. Can we watch the trailer for it, or could we not do that? I'm nervous about that. Yeah, probably shouldn't. I think it's coming out 2015 oh wow I actually haven't even seen this trailer out I guess I'll watch it after the show yeah all right wildcard we want to thank you guys for watching our show tonight we especially want to thank our sponsors crunchyroll and squarespace.com go check them out there's links down in the description below i apologize for my internet being shitty tonight um hopefully

we won't have this issue in the future i apologize on behalf of chris hansen who completely set us up unprofessionally he said said he was going to come, and then suddenly, when it was showtime, him and his agent radio silence. Yeah, that was really shitty. That's horse shit right there. And we waited for like an hour and a half before we started the show. And we don't have a guest. Hopefully you liked it.

Coupon code PKA. Thanks, guys.