Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #229

Episode Date: May 14, 2015

This week on PKA, Chris Hansen shows up this week and is interviewed by the guys, three way advice and lots of Taco Bell hatred!

And we're live. Painkiller Already, episode 229. This episode of Painkiller Already is being brought to you by dollarshaveclub.com. dollarshaveclub.com slash pka. That's how you do it, folks. We're talking about plans starting at $3 per month, sign up takes less than two minutes, and there's no membership fees or commitment. Plus, you have a money-back guarantee, so if you really have nothing to lose at all,

you don't have to go into the dollar store, into the store and fight that. They've got the cage at the drugstore. I was at the drug store yesterday waiting on my prescription and there's literally a lock. Like you've got to go in the back and ask a guy for a key to get your razors. And I noticed that those razor packs were like $18 for the cheap ones. So $3 a month, you get great razors. And the $8 a month package is very nice. That's the, like Taylor and I have recommended before, you get both packages. One for your genitals. You want the single blade for that so you don't get as many nicks. And one for your face.

You want the $8 razor for that. $11 a month and you're all taken care of. So dollarshaveclub.com slash pka. Make it happen. I've actually switched over to Dollar Shave Club stuff. Like for real. Like at first I was lying about using it. Oh, you faggot. You didn't actually use them.

I've been using them for a while. You get the $8 plan and then the $3 plan for your genitals. The $8 plan, it shaves your face so close. You can just go about your business for like two days without people even knowing. I saw your day in the life video. I noticed you shaving with the dollar shaver. I did. So I use an electric shaver

for a while. And I liked it because I could do it in the car and drive dangerously and stuff. But I lost it in the move. For the last couple weeks, I've been doing Dollar Shave Club shavers, and I'm not going to go back. Well, I wonder what Chris Hansen uses. What do you generally

use to shave? I have an old, I guess it's a Gillette three-blade razor. Boo! Get the hell... Alright, new guest. You say it's an old razor. Is it over 18? Yeah, it's of age. It might be 18

years old. I've had it so long. I just get the new blades. I'm fascinated by this Dollar Shave Club, though. I think it's a genius idea, and I should look into it. Dude, their advertising at first is what caught my attention. Like their CEO comes on there and he's hilarious. He's great. The thing in the drugstore where the guy tries to get the razors.

It's true. I mean you're in there getting whatever you get from the drugstore, deodorant, whatever, and you're trying to get the razors. They make it so impossible to get in there. It's a hassle. I'd rather get them in the mail. And you don't have to remember it. I've got so many razors, they're just laying everywhere. I've got dozens of packs at Dollar Shave Club, so it really is worth it. Speaking of Chris Hansen, he's our guest tonight. For those of you who don't know, Chris Hansen,

I know everyone here wants to talk about his former show, To Catch a Predator, but he's done many things. It seems like you've got... I remember you covered Columbine, and I think you covered 9-11, and several huge, huge stories over on NBC. But I have so much love in my heart for To Catch a Predator. We were talking briefly before the recording

started. Big fan. So thank you for coming on tonight. Well, I appreciate it. Thanks for having me. So you've got your Kickstarter campaign running right now for your new show, Hanson vs. Predator. That's correct? Absolutely. And I've got good news today as we speak. We blew by our goal, and we're well on our way to surpassing it in a great way. Excellent. So I've got a few questions I want to ask. So for those who don't know, to catch a predator, basically you set up these pedophiles.

They're decoys online posing as underaged boys or girls, and you sort of lure these pedophiles through online chats to a decoy house. And when they get there, sometimes there's a decoy waiting on them that looks underage to lure them further into the house. And when they get there, they get to talk to you. Exactly. Well, what happens to talk to you. Exactly. Well, what happens is the decoys go online and when we started this, we merely used chat rooms from Yahoo and AOL.

I mean, that's basically what was out there at the time in 2004 when we started. And they'd go into the chat room with a profile that included a picture that was clearly underage and just sit and wait. And suddenly guys would start approaching, and they would bring up the topic of sex. And then they would talk about coming over to the house and meeting. And all of a sudden they're knocking on our door, and we have this confrontation with these guys. And it was really, really compelling. It was never really you having to bait people in.

It was just you making a picture and them responding on their own accord. That was just all it was. We had a very strict protocol, and we will in the new investigation as well, because otherwise you get into potential entrapment and other issues that you don't want to do. You don't want to entice somebody to do something they wouldn't normally do. That's not fair. But if there's somebody out there who's going to do it and you can catch them doing it and you can teach children how to be safe by getting in this guy's mind, by doing an interview with him and teach parents how to protect their children, well, then that's our job at the end of the day. So when you were first approached for this, I'm wondering what the genesis of this was.

the end of the day. So when you were first approached for this, I'm wondering what the genesis of this was. Was it that you were already passionate about these online sex predators? When you first heard the idea to catch a predator, did you think it was going to take off or were you part of the initial process? Well, I came up with the idea. I talked to a friend of mine who's a reporter in Detroit where I came from, a fellow named Kevin Dietz who took my job when I left to go to NBC.

And he was telling me about the online watchdog group, Perverted Justice. And I started to think, boy, if we could use their ability to go online as decoys and combine it with our ability to wire a house with hidden cameras and microphones, it could be quite compelling. So I pitched the story and they decided they wanted to do it. And a lot of smart people weighed in on it, producers, senior producers, et cetera etc and so we set up in beth page long island to do the first one and we're there and i'm driving to the location and i'm stuck in traffic going over the throgs neck bridge and i start to think gosh what if nobody shows up what if i've just wasted tens of thousands of dollars of the network's money and with that my producer lynn Keller, calls and says, where are you?

Two guys are scheduled to show up in 45 minutes. So traffic clears up there. And all of a sudden, you know, it was amazing. It was just boom, boom, boom. You're in traffic next to the pedophiles. You're both staring at your watches like, I got to get there. Who's going to be there first? But, yeah, I mean, I thought we'd do one or two and we'd make our point and that'd be it and nobody would ever show up again.

I mean, I figured at some point I would end up like the Maytag repairman. I'd be taking a nap on the counter with nobody showing up because we would have proved our point. But sadly, guys kept coming. It got to the point where a guy walks in and he puts his marijuana on the counter and he's talking to the decoy. And it comes time for me to come out. And before I can say a word, he says, oh, you're Chris Hansen. I said, well, how did you know that? He said, well, I watch the shows all the time. And when I miss them, I download them from the internet.

I said, do you forget the trouble you just walked into? I mean, it was a telling moment. You should have stopped. So you're telling me that not only are you a pedophile, you practice online piracy as well. Bottom of the barrel, sir. I got a question. So is there anything? Okay, go ahead.

Yeah. So I've been thinking about this recently. On YouTube, there was a big controversy about a pedophile. But my sense of morality isn't set by the law. It's set by what I think is right and wrong. And it turned out he was an 18-year-old dating a 15-year-old, which is legal in most states. But in Kentucky, I guess it's not. It was some sort of misdemeanor or something. But it was a sexual assault. And it was just online

conversation. But there was no sex. How do you justify or how does that play out in your own head when you have different laws in different states regarding what's right and wrong? We would not do an 18 and 15 year old. It's too close a call. There's a lot of pollen on the east coast

I hear that. Yeah. You know an 18 and 15 year old-old, although illegal. In some states. In some states, was too close a call for us. It was always, you know, 21, 22 or older and 14 or younger. Because otherwise, it's a gray area.

Could be wrong, could be illegal, but a gray area nevertheless. In this case, I get psychologists and psychiatrists mixed up. I don't know who saw him, but he was forced to see one by the court. And they determined that these people were developmental peers and that this wasn't like a pedophile incentivized relationship, for lack of a better term. And it was just like, man, I feel like these laws should be federalized and there should be a national standard instead of a state by state one. Well, that's the problem with the – sometimes you get into these situations where, for instance, you see in high schools and there was a recent case in Virginia within the last year where all these kids were sexting each other and they're all 16 years old. each other and they're all 16 years old. And then the prosecutor gets into this and they could, you know, charge all these kids with distributing child pornography, which is, you know, a felony,

but it's, it's pure sharing. Right. What do you do? And ultimately what the prosecutor did was call all the kids in and all the parents and say, Hey, look, y'all got to wake up and realize what you're doing here is going to be out there forever. You don't need this. And it's harmful to a lot of people on a lot of different levels. And it allows blackmail and it allows bullying and all kinds of things. And you got to cut it out because we don't want to charge everybody with child porn. It's not what the law was meant to do. Yeah. Sexting is a funny thing. Like the, the, the,

the, the thing I've got in my head in the same way that abstinence education is a tough thing. Like it's hard to pitch a total zero. It's like, dude, you can send each other enticing pictures where you're wearing something. Right.

Bikinis are hot enough. You know, shirts or belly shirts or whatever are hot enough. If you want to do something semi-naughty, you can still be dressed where you don't have to regret this and allow blackmail and all that other crazy stuff. Well, I know people always think, kids especially,

and I say kids, I mean teenagers and college kids, and look, my guys are 23 and 21 and I have this discussion with them all the time. It's like, be careful what you're looking at and what you're doing because just because you think it goes away on Snapchat or Instagram in a matter of minutes, that's no guarantee. Especially because these guys are going into my business. I said, you don't want to deal with that.

Yeah. I have no idea how the accidental child porn download works either. If anyone's ever been to 4chan. Oh, of course you don't. I meant in terms of legality. I bet it's all expired now. But I've seen it. Have you guys ever seen a naked kid online?

It happens. People post that stuff. And you don't even have to go seek it out. I've never seen it. And I don't want to see it. And my position on that is, and I understand what you're saying, that it can happen accidentally. But any time an image of child pornography is viewed, it's another victimization of a child. To me, it's tantamount to raping a child because somebody was abused to take that photo, and it's human trafficking in one of its worst forms.

I agree. which one of its worst forms i agree i i was gonna i was gonna ask as well uh... this time around the will the police be waiting for our gentleman outside because that's that's the cool that's so satisfying that's the area well yes we will have uh... that police will be doing a a parallel investigation as it you know in most of the investigations we did into catch a predator uh... you know the most of the investigations we did into catch a predator

uh... you know the first two we did we did not and have police to nicole investigation in unit two things happen one it was a little unsatisfying for the viewers to see this kind of small often and sunset and even though police did and prosecutors did make cases against some of these guys including the rabbi and the naked guy and some of the others, it made more sense to kind of involve the police and let them do their own investigation and get their own version of the transcripts from our online decoys and take it from there.

What was the most shocking, the most bizarre thing that either you read in the transcripts or perhaps the suspect did once they got to the decoy house? Because I've seen and heard so many things. And sometimes I feel like I can read it on your face when you're conducting that you're just, what were you thinking? Are you ever embarrassed reading the transcripts? Yes. Thank you. embarrassed reading the transcript. Yes. That's, thank you.

And you have to remember that I'm not just responsible to my audience or to my bosses, which I am, but I'm also responsible to, you know, my kids, friends, parents, teachers at the schools and all that stuff. I mean, you know, there've been examples where, you know, I've had a kid sitting in a class in college where suddenly they're showing, you know, To Catch a Predator shows, and he's, you know, do I say that's my dad? Do I give that up?

Do I want that kind of scrutiny? You know, what do I do here? And it's a big debate. And, you know, we try to be just graphic enough to show what these guys are capable of doing without being offensive. I think, I hope that we tiptoed along that fine line. In terms of what the most graphic moment was or disturbing moment, it's a 25-way tie for first.

We had two naked guys, one wanted to conduct a sex act with a young girl and a cat and whipped cream and all kinds of stuff. That guy. And showed up again the second day and a guy who showed up in Fort Myers, Florida with his five-year-old son to walk in the house. And that silenced everybody. And he brought his kid? He brought his kid, yeah. And you've got to imagine, see, I work with a group of guys on this who've been with me in the darkest corners of the world, whether it's in Africa doing thievery stories when it comes to identity theft and all kinds of things, or Al-Qaeda using blood diamonds to launder terrorist funds.

I mean, these guys have been around the world with me. me and in this one scene this guy pulls up he's the last guy in an investigation as i said in fort myers florida he pulls up in his suv he goes to the back door and i'm thinking he's going to pull out a pizza and a you know six-pack instead he leads his five-year-old son out by the hand walk up walks up the driveway into the house now i've got to figure out what i'm going to do a collective gasp goes out in the house and so he walks in and I said to him on the fly, I said, look, you know why you're here. I know why you're here. I'm Chris Hansen and I'm just going to let you go because I don't want to traumatize

your son with whom you brought. And he laughed and the police arrested him and gently scooped up the son and that was it. But it was just so shocking that somebody would do that on a Sunday afternoon. I feel I have to ask, was he planning to involve the sun in some sort of sex act or was he just babysitting for the day?

He was babysitting for the day. His wife was at work. I think he was going to go set him in another room and watch Barney videos or whatever and, you know, go do his thing with a 13 or 14-year-old boy. The shocking part of it was the back story to that, which was he had to move out of his house because child services said, you can't be in there during this investigation. Ultimately, he moves into the house.

The child is moved to Rolto's house. He's living there and has another child with the mother before he goes to trial and gets a four-year prison sentence. And it just really, the lesson of that is, and what we're going to do with the new series is we're going to try and do more of the front story and the back story. In other words, we're going to try to have more information about this person before they actually come to the house. So we see a scenario where there could be surveillance and, you know, show

this person doing it. If it's a teacher, we show them teaching. If a doctor, we show them, you know, practicing medicine. We do whatever we have to do. And then you have more context. That's brilliant. It's coming from and doing. So that's how you gather it, though.

Like, well, you know, we're going to have to do research. And we have a strategic alliance with LexisNexis and Security Solutions and other data mining outfits, and we're going to be able to do it. That's going to be brilliant. That's going to create a whole narrative. There's going to be drama. You'll be able to do it. Exactly. I mean, if you can watch the person as much as we can, build into the situation.

Now, in the past investigations, obviously, we've been able to know something into the situation. Now, you know, in the past investigations, obviously we've been able to know something about the people. We knew the rabbi was the rabbi. We knew the doctor was a doctor. We knew that the police officer was a police officer. But, you know, this actually gives us the ability to, you know, to paint a better picture of who this people are. And perhaps to follow them beforehand. Maybe you follow them to the drugstore they go to

to purchase those condoms and that would be great as a viewing experience. And I'm wondering, have you ever been so angry or upset with one of these guys that you're sitting across from that you've actually wanted to hit them?

When you hear what these guys are there for and when you see what the guys... Oh, there have to be some. Because some of them have an attitude, it seems. They're just like, you know, just know doing my thing

what's your problem I'm just here to rape a kid like I have to want to punish those fucks well you know I understand what you're getting at I mean my job is not to meet out punishment my job is to get these people to sit and talk and get in their brains so I can better understand the way they think so we can better protect our children yes as, as a parent of two sons, did I sometimes feel a sense of outrage? Of course. It's not my position to get a fight. I mean, I was more worried about, okay, where are their hands? What do they got going on? You know, even though we had tons of security and we will in the next investigations, you know, there's a lot going on

and you have to, you're watching a lot of different things. You're trying to go through the transcripts. You're trying to engage the guy. I mean, anybody can jump out of the bushes and scare somebody and make them run off and create, you know, 30 seconds of dramatic television. My goal with this and with any other investigation I've done is to get them to sit, talk and get in their minds. You know, and that's what we were able to do. And that's what made this unique and what will make the new investigation. Conversely, was there ever a time where you came across someone as you walked into that kitchen where you thought, oh, Jesus,

this guy doesn't look like a bad guy or doesn't sound like a bad guy? Was there ever a time where you came in and you just wished this guy had thought better of himself? Well, I mean, obviously, there were a time where you came in and you just wished this guy had thought better of himself? Well, I mean obviously there are some cases where you feel sympathy for these guys. And they break down into three different categories. And I'm not a psychiatrist or an expert in this field.

But based on my experience, you've got the hardcore heavy hitters who would be doing this with or without the internet. experience, you've got the hardcore heavy hitters who would be doing this with or without the internet. You've got this group in the middle who have a predilection for it but wouldn't be doing it unless they had the internet and the addictive quality and the 24-hour access and the anonymity, the three A's. Then you've got this other group, guys in their early 20s who are not very social and they see a 14-year-old girl online and they figure, well, there's only eight years difference and in 10 years it won't make a difference at all, and they go for it. Those are the guys who can probably, given probation and

registration as a sex offender and computer monitoring and a wrap on the hand, never do it again. The other guys, it's a different story. We had three-time offenders in some of these cases walk in. Well, you mentioned earlier the gentleman who came two days in a row, I think. Yeah. It's absurd. Going at that point, what's the farthest distance or the greatest lengths that someone ever went to get to that house? I think we had somebody drive about five hours.

I think it was the greatest five to six hours. And that happened on a couple of occasions, you know, from one side of one state to the other, from another state down. I mean, we had a guy who was actually a police officer in a small town in the Alabama, Florida border, who he'd been online all week. And he was just a really graphic chatter. And, you know, Some of these guys just chat and they never show up, probably 40% of them. We shut down one night early for us because we had worked until 3 o'clock in the morning the day before and then we get back to the hotel and suddenly cell phones are going off and it's the decoy calling saying, this guy just called from a pay phone. He said he went by the house and it was dark.

Now there's no one switch to turn on the Predator house. I mean, it takes a lot of engineers to put this together. So what ended up happening was the police made a traffic stop. In fact, the guy was a police officer. He had a.38 caliber gun in his pocket. In his car, he had an assault rifle, a shotgun, and a.45. Hundreds of rounds of ammunition. And a video camera and an anchor and duct tape and bulletproof vests.

I mean, you know, God knows what would happen had he showed up. And people always ask, you know, did you ever feel there was a time when you dodged a bullet? And I think, yeah, that was the time. I can't imagine what the anchor was for. He would tie it to a body, perhaps, and throw it into a body of water? It's hard to speculate explain Maybe he had a boat He was an outdoorsman

Maybe he wouldn't have used any of the guns at all but I have to find out As you laid out that laundry list I was like I've got all that stuff in my bag I was like a.38 that's not that big a deal The assault rifle was bothersome Yeah exactly Kyle The assault rifle was bothersome though, right? Yeah, exactly,

Kyle. The assault rifle was bothersome. How do you feel about that? Well, it's definitely bothersome when you've got a pedophile come into the decoy house with one. How do you feel about the sex registration? I've heard people, I feel like all my questions have been pro-pedo today, which is not my actual stance, but in most

cases, if I were to knock over a liquor store store or something when it's done and i've paid my my time and then it's over and it's set when you're a sexual predator and there's some good reasons for it because of the recidivism rate i'm gonna screw that word up but you never finish paying your time like for the rest of your, you have to notify all your neighbors. You can't trick or treat. It's a forever thing. Is that right?

Well, look, like anything else, I think in a high percentage of the cases where there's been a sexual assault, it's a person who there's a high probability of a repeat offense. And so people deserve to know that that person is living in their neighborhood. And you talk to guys at the U.S. Marshals who do these kind of programs. The registered guys, they don't worry about. It's the guys who don't register they worry about. So you know where they're at. They can be monitored and everything else.

The guys I feel sorry for are like, as you talked about before, the 17-year-old high school kid who has a 15-year-old girlfriend and gets pinched on that. And suddenly this kid can't go to college and be a football star because he's got this registered sex offender problem going on. I recently saw where a couple was having sex on a beach, a public beach, and they got caught and arrested. And they're both having to register sex offenders. Yeah, I mean, I have to question that. I mean, that's not the purpose of the law. And when you get into that zero tolerance aspect of any law, you know, justice is going to be, you know, murky at best.

Yeah, the dual kids thing is the one that bothers me. Like, you know, make them even younger, right? Make them both 14. Right. You know, that's... I mean, I think at that point, I'm talking to my parents. I don't know that that's a law enforcement issue. Right. You know, that's... I mean, I think at that point, I'm talking to my parents. I don't know that that's a law enforcement issue. Right, right.

Yeah, yeah. That's the trickiest one. I got questions totally outside the show. Did you like... Sure. Yeah. So, Chris, you've made your living on front of the camera, right? That makes you, in your field anyway, the 1%, right?

99% of the people who are actors or want to be journalists or such don't actually get your job. What advice do you give people who wish they were you, right? Who aspire to be working actors? Do you tell them, get a doctorate degree and go be an attorney? Or do you say like, go for it, go for this extreme long shot? It's possible. Listen, I think if you have passion for it, you know, obviously, you know, I've been fortunate enough to have some lucky breaks in my career. You know, I got interested in it when I was 14 and Jimmy Hoffa was kidnapped a mile and a half down the street from the house where I grew up. And so I'd ride my bike up there and go check out the crime scene. And you'd see the FBI agents and the Bloomfield Township police and the reporters and the network correspondents.

You know, I got bitten by the bug early. So when I went off to Michigan State, you know, on the first day of school, I went and signed up for the volunteer radio station and it all started. And it fortunately fell into place. And, you know, people say, how did you get in there? I said, well, I'm too stupid to realize there's anything I cannot do. And I just kept doing it. And Lansing turned into Tampa and Tampa turned into Detroit and Detroit turned into NBC and NBC turned into all the things I'm working on now.

So, yeah, really fortunate. But, you know, I tell people, look, if you really want to do it, and I've had kids who come through as my interns, et cetera, and, you know, they weren't, you know, immediate standouts. but a lot of them just through perseverance hard work and a little help here and there are suddenly correspondents in washington and reporters in milwaukee and doing all kinds of great stuff you know detroit whatever so your your hypothetical 17 year old son says dad i want to be the next Tom Cruise you say I go for it I believe in you or nursing degrees are good my guys are 23 and 21 I've got one who's you know working you

know behind the scenes for my discovery ID program and I've got one who's gonna be at CBS News this summer the younger one and you know one wants to be behind the scenes one wants to be on camera and I didn't push him towards it I mean obviously they grew up in the business in fact you know they were so immersed in it growing up that they didn't give a rat's ass their father was on TV. I mean, the only time it became cool was when South Park did a parody of me and all this incredible. That was pretty cool.

Yeah, that's another nice little feather in your cap. Wasn't that a real thing though? Like when you saw South Park parodying you, wasn't that kind of like a little bit of pride? Yeah, forget all those Emmys. You know, it's funny because I was working on a story on the West Coast. I was in San Francisco, and one of my agents had texted me and said, you're on South Park right now.

It's pretty funny. And about 24 minutes later, I get another text. It says, it's taking a dark turn. That's great. How did that episode go? I don't know it. It was Cartman pretended he saw a kid in a store who had Tourette's syndrome. And in order to calm him down, his mother bought him the coolest toy in the whole toy store.

So he had this idea, and he was going to fake that he had Tourette's. And in order to calm him down, his mother bought him the coolest toy in the whole toy store. So he had this idea, and he was going to fake that he had Tourette's. And his friends, the other kids at South Park, were calling him out on it. And he then calls Chris Hansen from Dateline to come to South Park to do a story on Tourette's syndrome. And so we're getting ready to do it, and he's about ready to be exposed as being a liar. And he doesn't want to do the interview. And I kept saying, have a seat. Have a seat right over there.

I'm Chris Hansen. They drag it out. It played out from there and then took a dark turn at the end. That was a good episode. It was. How do the people find the Kickstarter program? How do they donate? How do they make that happen? You can go to kickstarter.com

and look under staff picks and it'll say Hanson vs. Predator. You can also go to hansonvspredator.com and it'll take you right through it. Then get involved. We've got another week to go and we're right on track

ahead of schedule and I'm excited to get through it and get out there in the field and start doing investigations. I'm really excited to see the new show. We have a goofy question we ask a lot of our guests. Are you ready for this? All right, Chris, you're on a stranded island, right? Boat sinks, you're stuck there. You're going to be there for a couple of years. And your only companion is a mermaid. All right. Are you going to make your mermaid top half or bottom half fish? You guys are terrible.

Think it through. I guess bottom half fish, right? At least you have a human taste to it. What's the reasoning behind that? Well, I don't know. I don't know if I want to dig that deep into my psyche. We do. We do. We do.

Yeah. Chris Hansen is an oral guy. If that's his answer. Go easy, guys. Go easy. Maybe he just wants someone to talk to. I chose top half fish. You know why?

Because I wanted to have a human brain. And I thought, no, I'm top half human. I said. No, it's because you were incorrect. That's the reason that you picked that option. See, you want the top half to, I said. No, it's because you were incorrect. That's the reason that you picked that option. See, you want the top half to be fish, bottom half to be human. If the top half is human, she has a human brain. And then I feel like we

can be companions. And by the way, she's a mermaid. This is her element. I think she can find us food. That's a big deal. She can come back and bring fish. No? Well, thanks for coming on the show. We really appreciate your time. Thank you guys for having me.

I appreciate it. I wish you the best of luck with your pedophile hunting. It's my favorite thing on TV, and I can't wait for it to come back on again. Great. It'll be on soon. Thanks, Chris. All right, guys. Thank you.

Bye-bye. All right. See you later, Chris. Take care. All right, then. So, what do we want to talk about some current events guys oh i'd love some current events all right what's going on look at that look at his uh his photo his photo sitting there sitting there looking at you like i know what you've done i know what you're trying to do. Very judgmental pose he's taking right there.

Very judgmental pose. But I guess that's appropriate when you're dealing with pedophiles. Have you been drinking, Taylor? No. A little? No? All right. All right, let me fix.

We did a live stream last night until 4 in the morning, didn't we, Woody? We did. It stream last night until 4 in the morning, didn't we, Woody? We did. It was so exciting. I mean, my heart was pounding the whole time, but there at the end with that crescendo the way the whole night ended, I mean, you couldn't have asked for anything better. We streamed Civilization V. Chiz and I were playing against a couple of uh fans or uh people who at least knew

of us and uh the game fucking froze and crashed and was unrecoverable after like three or four hours of streaming it was a real shit show one of my favorite parts of the entire stream was watching kyle try to manipulate the other people around which is is you know in fairness to it's part of the show you know like it's it's not fairness to, it's part of the show, you know, it's, it's not the show, but that's part of the game, right? Like you're trying to, to make friends and allies and do your thing. But you know, the whole like, don't vote for yourself, vote for me. I think that's really going to be more helpful to your cause.

Let me explain the situation really quickly then. All right. So like there are four or five civilizations in the game and each of us have a different amount of votes for this world congress scenario that's coming up based on different factors. Now that's not really important but some of us have more votes than others and of course you want to vote for yourself as the world leader because you get bonuses when you do that sort of thing. One guy has far and ahead more votes than anyone anyone so there are two options everyone can

vote for themselves and we we know that the guy with the most votes is going to win or let's all just vote for kyle let's vote for kyle because a vote for yourself is a wasted vote god you would be such a good politician like you need to look into that i'd rather be a civilization politician i uh i it's more rewarding and uh less annoying i think it's uh but but no nobody voted for me and of course the guy with the most votes won but um but yeah that was a real failure i i'm sorry that didn't work out the way it was supposed to i was having i was having a ton of fun until that failed woody was showing off his dance moves on stream to me me, maybe I'm biased. I thought that was one of the funnier, more entertaining aspects of the stream.

I was afraid to watch the stream because I was tethered to my phone. Yeah, yeah. I'm glad you were able to come back and wink more of it than there otherwise would have been. But, yeah, I was rocking it like it was hot. I had 80s workout videos playing across the whole background. Chesney's girl. Yeah, Chesney's girl. Hit me with your best shot.

And he's just. Oh, yeah. All these award-winning dance moves. Break it down. They're great. So, yeah, we had a good time last night. Taylor, you really need to get Civilization. That's great, seeing Woody scoot across

his brand new palatial estate hardwood flooring just doing his thing. No, you need to get Civilization with us. You can play it on your laptop. It would be great. I can? Yeah, totally. It's not very PC intensive.

It'll run on anything. Honestly, it's not like anything to do with my means to play the game that I don't want to play. It's just that I played Civilization 2 I think, years and years ago. Yeah, like 2001?

I just didn't have fun with it. I didn't enjoy it. I didn't like it there was that asian fuck who ruined i tried to play the game i don't know who the asian over leader or overlord is in that game but he ruined every time and i just quit i think the game i like the game more by myself when i when i play by myself i can do what i want when i want the computer moves are instant and uh it moves a lot quicker i played by myself for years people think that like i just gave it a shot and didn't like it or something like that no i've been playing civ for like a long time i don't even know like 10 years something like that. Who was the Civ 2 Asian guy? Who was that? Was that

like Mao? Maybe. Well, that would be very politically incorrect. Civ 5 is the only one I've really put a ton of time in. I played Civilization Revolutions, but that was just an Xbox 360 version. In Civ Rev, I have a lot of the achievements.

And then before that, I played on PC before there was even Steam, I played before Civ Rev. And I played the game. Of course, there's always more to learn. There's new ways to win and new ways to lose and different things thrown at you. But yeah, when I play with other people on a team, there's a lot of waiting involved. In multiplayer, there's a lot of waiting involved. And it lasts longer. You can't turn it off. You can't pick it up when you want to later. a lot of waiting involved in multiplayer there's a lot of waiting involved um i just you know and

it lasts longer you can't turn it off you can't pick it up when you want to later you can't chis and i do that well when it's when you play with each other the more players they are the more difficult it becomes like when it's just chis and i and we're playing a game together with maybe some ai or just a 1v1 we can we can save and pick up again another time really reliably but the more people you add the less reliable it gets last night you guys played half a game and it was five hours yeah yeah that's true yeah that's true half a game in five hours yeah but it was very it's very it was a it's a lot of fun. I enjoy those five hours. Like, I'm not ready for it to get over.

You could have won, Kyle. I looked at your Civ, and I think you were second or third strongest. But the thing is, the other guy who was second or third and first were about to go to war, or had gone to war. And when that happens, like, these things run on for like a hundred years, in-game years. And at the end of it one guy is gone and the other guy is severely damaged you know kyle could have emerged that you know having been through peace and prosperity while the other guy was suffering and burning all his money that's why i kept saying all that stuff that's why i kept yeah yeah really happy with the way things are

going over i was making uh i think we were at like a turn 150 roughly and i was making about 275 science per turn or something like that i was making the the first place guy was making 120 science so i'm making twice as much science as him and you give that about 50 turns and i'll be three or four checks say what that means to those of us who don't fully know that it's back to the future time i'm going doc Brown on the other civilizations. I'm rolling in with helicopter gunships, and they've got archers trying to shoot me down. And it's just Hellfire missiles and battle destroyers and submarines

and nuclear missiles for me, and they've got, like, pikemen and stuff. Yeah, so in war, like Kyle mentioned, it's huge. There'll be these ridiculous mismatches. Kyle will have, like, trained Marines, and the other people will have cavalry with swords and shields. stuff yeah so in war like kyle mentioned it's huge there'll be these ridiculous mismatches kyle will have like trained marines and the other people will have cavalry with swords and shields and what do you always shits on the cavalry they're so strong okay that wasn't a good example then you know there'll be pikemen knights or something knights or something yeah so it's just like back it's it's that thing we always talk about like if you go back in time yeah right you get to do it

yeah and um so there's that but then even other stuff like he his cities are more productive to build things because he's discovered things like assembly lines and banks and the stock exchange while the other people are you know barbara like uh bartering and crap like that so their cities don't get as much done yeah it's a huge advantage yeah the the tech i i choose i chose korea and they make i think like the most science they're really science heavy uh culture and as long as no one messes with you you can really warp ahead and that was the case no one was going to mess with me and i had built enough troops that they wouldn't want to mess with me uh it was a real shame that game ended because i was predicting a good win there. Chiz had an island that I would...

The way I like to play, get a couple cities cooking, have no one mess with me, invest all my energy into like, you know, a wide game, but like money and productivity and not military. Infrastructure. Infrastructure. I will sit there and work every

tile around my city and just build these productions. That was one of my frustrations with the game we always talk about where I had all those things. I was churning out artillery and tanks or whatever the hell I was churning out every round. Every round. Because my cities were monuments to awesomeness. And I did that by taking a risk by pretty much not even defending myself throughout the whole game. Whereas if I had had lots of archers and money and time spent on military,

then my cities wouldn't have been as awesome as they were. Chiz was in a spot to do that. He had his own island and no one was near him and stuff. But he plays the opposite. He's all about working with other city-states and setting up these trade routes. And he plays the... The diplomatic game. The diplomatic game.

Thank you. That's perfect. And he's all about leveraging his friendships and he couldn't do it. So within two turns, he's like, fuck this game. Wait, so in the game, He got put on his own island Everyone did on this one, but so the the maps are very varied sometimes

We sometimes will want to play a game where everyone's on on a pangea like a one single continent So that we can kind of you know quickly go after him But sometimes if you're wanting to play a longer game, you can pick a map type that's called Large Islands. So everyone gets themselves an island about half the size of Australia. Something like that. So you've got enough room to build one or two really nice cities, but nothing else.

And it's important to start going naval. So you get big naval battles, and that's fun. I like that a lot. It's good. The maps are very varied. There's tons of scenarios where you can play the Civil War scenario, and it begins at the beginning of the Civil War

with all of the appropriate numbers of troops placed where they're supposed to be and all the appropriate American cities. Oh, that sounds like fun. There's tons and tons of things you can do in Civil there's a there's a Game of Thrones mod chooses island was particularly isolated which I think is awesome but he thinks is terrible so it is it is I like I like my trade routes to it it helps with the gold and it does and all that yeah and you can push your religion on people and such but uh um i i had a new position

last night which was observer and i it's clearly the best role in a multiplayer game i was like there's only one guy or two guys not losing tonight and i'm one of them yeah it's uh that that was cool i liked having you there and That was fun streaming. I'd like to do that again. So Kyle couldn't hear my music, but all he could hear was like this. Right? Like me huffing and puffing.

Like fabric moving and like heavy breathing and like skin moving together and stuff like that. Like just the noises of someone dancing silently. Yeah, it sounds hot. Yeah, he said it was a little creepy yeah so that was fun um it makes me want to play some civilization right now i was playing some counter-strike earlier getting my ass handed to me uh real well i'm still going like 5 and 20 uh in counter-strike so not really shining over there are you still

pretty terrible at counter-Strike just overall, or are you starting to figure it out a little bit? Well, what do you mean by figure it out? It's the controls that I have an issue with. Figuring out where to go, the proper spots to go, given the game type in the specific map. You know what I mean. Yeah, well, I mean, it's sort of like Search and Destroy.

If I'm playing Demolition, I know where to go. If I'm playing, I play a lot of Gun Game because I feel like that's a learning experience and there's a lot of reps in that so that I can gunfight after gunfight after gunfight. And that's where I'm lacking at. It's getting on target and killing people. That's it.

I'm told there's weaker players in Gun Game. I think if you're good enough, then you can't play there anymore. Maybe they can't play together, but there's something. They're happy to have me, promise there's there but there's something there about gun game that protects you from the super strong players and i'm not sure exists elsewhere nobody's protecting my ass that i think is one of those thing kyle and i like i'm not better at shooters than kyle you know like if we were to play COD or something, I think it's comparable. But maybe that's it. But I work a mouse

and keyboard every day, like in a gaming situation. I feel like sometimes I'm just like, I don't know, my crosshairs or whatever, they're just like... Drawing an outline around them like a circus knife thrower. I can't snap right onto them. My movements aren't aggressive enough. I'm not smooth enough with it yet. Yeah, I know there are people a lot better than me,

but I do do it every day, so I can move around. What does CSGO stand for? Counter-Strike. Because I see it in... Global Offensive. I know Counter-Strike. Because I see it in... Global Offensive. I know Counter-Strike, colon... Global Offensive.

Global Offensive. Okay. Yeah. Well, you know, knowledge is power. The more you know. So, there we are. All right. Woody, what do you got?

I want to know. Answer the question. Maybe a little. He sent you a Skype message. I haven't checked it yet. This is great radio. To me, there's suspense building. People are sitting in their cars going to work loving every minute.

There is suspense building. I like the parts where they go really quiet and ask each other private messages. Okay, Jesus Christ. I'm going to throw a topic up, and if you guys treat it like it's a bad one, fuck you all. Oh, no, I'll jump into it uh headlong all right um i would love a world in which something like this was super common i'm going to share it with the stream huh that's it okay uh i'll need to fix the big screen staff sociability mm-hmm kyle can you read it while i fix the big screen. Staff sociability.

Kyle, can you read it while I fix everyone's cameras? So I suppose this would be a sort of poster or a sign that's up at the front of a restaurant. It says, staff sociability, which is a new word for me. We launched the new service in our restaurant. You can choose the intensity of staff communication. The options are as follows. High sociability. The staff will be delighted to maintain a conversation on any topic, to make

joke, or to share some interesting news with you. Medium sociability. The staff will be happy to discuss any details of your order or answer any questions without raising any other subject. Or stealth mode mode the staff will provide brief answers in a friendly manner but will never ask but we'll never speak to you first dude how awesome

would that be I wish this existed everywhere right so it's staff sociability and you can choose how social your people are. I'm a two. I'm a two. You're a two? That's what you're picking? Two? I'm going to need tea. I'm going to need them to come over and be like, do you need some of this? Do you need some of that? Would you like some more of this?

They need to say some things. Yeah, I'm a two. I don't want them in stealth mode, like turned off. I want them to come over and still do their job. I feel like that's not what stealth mode is that you don't get your drink filled up anymore like you have an iced tea okay well i don't pick the stack will provide a brief answer in a friendly manner but never speak to you first that's the unspoken thing that i want from my barber right i want to be like you know i say

look fast is better point me at better. Point me at the TV. Point me at the TV means a little bit. Shut the fuck up. Point me at the TV. What he usually just says, make me look like a black guy. That's what he rolls with. Yeah. I would say number three looks like the best.

If number three basically gets me all of the service but none of the chatter, I would go for that as well. I really don't want to talk to them. I'm not looking to make friends. I can be perfectly sociable if I need to be or if the situation calls for it, but I'm really just looking for a servant when I go into a restaurant. I mean, I don't need

them to be anything other than that. They need to, like, don't smell and bring what I want. That's it. Yeah, but not just the restaurant. Like I want this sign everywhere. I want it to be the new like service industry norm. The barber is the big one. I really want my barber to not talk

to me, but my dentist, you know, I think that would be great too. If my dentist knew that I pretty much was just like, dude, I got shit in my mouth. Why do you think this is a good time to have a conversation? You do this professionally. Don't you get that people can't talk back to you?

That this is difficult on us? And sometimes it's not like if it's a yes or no question, that's one thing. You're like, hey, how you doing lately? Is the pollen bothering you? You can just be like, eh. You can do something like that. But I'll be you you can just be like and they've got all sorts of stuff in my mouth and pliers and two or three tools and they're like wow what do you think about the economy lately you think obama's gonna be able to turn things around i've been trying to get my money out of my 401k i just don't trust the world these days i don't know what do you think what do you No, I don't want any talking during that.

I like talking to the barber if she's attractive, I guess. The barberess, as they're called. Are they really? No, of course not. I need someone to cut my hair. Let me tell you this. I drive about 35 minutes to get my hair cut. Two days in a row.

I didn't go today. But the last two days in a row, i went and tried to get a haircut the first day i went in and um there was a black lady cutting this guy this uh woman's hair she had two more ladies sitting down like i don't know getting their brain sucked out or whatever that machine does you sit in and the top comes down um and there's like two kids running around like crazy and i'm she's like can i help you like i shouldn't have walked in there or something i'm just like yeah i want a haircut and uh and she's like well christy will be right at the back and like this huge fat lady comes out of this tiny bathroom i don't know how she was in there with a child an

infant in her arms it's squalling i assume she just changed it shitty diaper and and like she walks out the back of the uh the barber place out the emergency exit to smoke a cigarette and i can see like the woods behind the place i just turned around and walked the fuck back out i went that went back the next day same people there i i don't know what to do i want my haircut but i went back again well after that i want a manager to cut my hair there's a there's like a 45 year old white lady who like knows what the fuck's up who can cut my hair who's done it before successfully and i need her that's i've started waiting for that person like in where i go in apex which i might go back to um i might keep going to it because i really

like the guy and they do a great job and he knows my name and stuff. And he's really cool with Colin, which is a big deal for me. He knows Woody's name, but he knows not to say it. He'll just come in, hey, what's happening, Woody? And whatnot. And Colin and I just sit there and we wait for him. And fuck, what was I going to say? Oh, if the other people are open, it's weird for me to be like uh

not you not you i'm gonna wait for him but i've started doing it anyway yeah just be like yeah this is my guy right here i decided i used to do that as well i used to well i i guess i didn't used to do that i used to get sucked in and then someone else would get me or or i would be too afraid to be like no i came here for april like she's the one who cuts my hair. But now I'm just like, I didn't even say shit. I was just rude. I just walk the fuck back out when I see she's not there.

That's what you have to do. See, Woody is 100% right in this analysis of the hair salon metric. Like, the last time I went, I saw the lady that usually does my hair. I thought it would be fine if I went with someone else. I was wrong.

She cut the back of my hair. And this was a while ago, so I can't show it properly. But she cut the back of my hair so goddamn high that it looked like a fucking maniac. For like three months. For there was long, long stringy neck hairs coming out. That's what it looked like. Even though it wasn't my neck. It was the high part of my head this is where i was going next i was gonna say like like to those

listening you may not think that like you you think that like if they can cut your hair they can cut my hair but there are options on a haircut that you don't consider there's what are you going to do with the with the uh sideburns what do you do if the if you've got a peak right here do you trim it off even like a blackbird? No! You don't do that! No, because you look like a jackass when you have this poking down. Then, in the back, now there's a lot of considerations for what you're gonna do in the back. Are you gonna square it up? Are you gonna round it off? Are you gonna bring it to some kind of a weird double point thing where it's lower on the edges or something?

Do you go with just like your natural line? Like devil's horns on either side? Is that an option? Just poking out? Turn around, Woody. What does your hair look like? I don't know. Oh, see, alright, so here's a perfect example of following his natural line but keeping it short he she didn't trim or he didn't trim you know around the the edges probably because they'd never cut a white person's hair before um you don't like it it didn't turn out right you don't think it's not right now it looks fine i just it's it's one of

the three ways i feel like to do the back they left your natural line i always feel like the back of my head comes out perfect. They show you the mirror and they're like, what do you think of this? And it's like, that could be a picture of the back of my head because it's always like perfect. You know, you just hold up a magazine like, what do you think of this? Because it's fine. I've started going back for more too. I used to always just not even look at the mirror. Just like, yep, looks great. Let's go. But now I'm just like, no, no, you didn't get it all. Then it's more right here.

You left some hair. Like, what are you doing? I go back and I tell them now. It's one of those things. Do you really do that? Because I feel embarrassed and I need to overcome that so I can do what you've done. It's hard. Sometimes I'll see my hair and they'll be like, everything look good?

And I'll be like, eh. Not exactly. No, I'll still be like, no, you i'll be like yeah not exactly no i'll be like no you really need to like thin it out a little here use those scissors that are like weird on one end and they just kind of hack your hair like yeah thin this out a little bit up here and blend it in a little better with the side like you've got this right as of right now it's just like a two and a half like on the sides and then i've got like a fucking like cock head on top that's like that's just like separate like a bowl cut thing head on top. That's like, that's just like separate,

like a bowl cut thing. This is longer. Like you've got to blend that in. Thinning it out is a big deal to me. Like for heat reasons, I get uncomfortable and grumpy like towards the end of my, like when I start needing a haircut, cause like my whole world is hot.

I'm like wearing a hat. My hair is really thick. Even though I'm old, it's still really thick. And when they start like just thinning it out and like cutting what every other hair or something like that, a hat. My hair is really thick. Even though I'm old, it's still really thick. When they start just thinning it out and cutting every other hair or something like that, I'm like, yeah.

My head can breathe again. If I was a pro athlete, I'd be bald. I'd shave that shit. That's exactly how I'd rock it. I don't look that bald. I've got a mole on the back of my head that I just don't think would be attractive. Do they cut it on you by accident? No, but they they could uh my lady knows about it she like she knows it's there she knows not to like like like like fuck me up that's another thing so the guy i like doesn't hurt but haircuts should never fucking hurt like i i don't know if my head is like sensitive baby

like pussy head or something but but they come in with these clippers and they're like and i'm like is it that like is that tool not designed for hair cutting does it take elbow grease to do this shit it's like they're scooping ice cream on the side of your head the black guy when he cut my hair i like i was i was like i was letting it go right he's like and i'm just like like like like suffering in silence and eventually i was like dude like you're hurting me he's like well why didn't you say something and i was like i just did he's like well just now you want to seem like a bitch well and he goes well that's what he was

so he said this is listen, you drunk bitch. So he said, well, you did something just now. And I'm like, you fucking knew. You knew you'd been hurting me for 40 fucking minutes. Like you're fussing at me for not saying something earlier when this just proves to me that you knew. I agree. Yeah, definitely. So that's what you get when you go to a barber who's not used to cutting

white people's hair, though. It just doesn't work. I always tell that story about the place. I needed a haircut. We were on the road. My buddy was like, yeah, this place. We go into the place and it's got weird writing. I can't even identify the language. They got a picture of four different Asian guys heads on the wall. There's an A, B,

C, and a D. And I'm just like, I kind of want a D. But I don't want my ears to be sticking out like that. Is that going to happen? Like we just had to get the fuck out of there. Like it was some sort of sweatshop, barber shop. Did they have the whole face of the person for the one, two, three, and four? Because I've seen those before.

And every person looks unhappy with their haircut. Absolutely, yeah. They were real people's heads, pictures of them, like a Polaroid stuck up there. Like an example of who's work. And it's just one. And then two, it's a little higher, and that's it. There was a guy smoking those big, long, old opium pipes

in the back of the barbershop. It was not a classy establishment. No, doesn't sound like it if there's opium in the mix. Yeah,bershop. It was not a classy establishment. No. Doesn't sound like it if there's opium in the mix. Yeah. You don't see opium anymore. Only in those Wild West movies when someone wants to get high. That's the only time you see people smoking opium. Did it go out of style? What happened?

It seems like that would fit right into today's culture, a bit of opium. I don't know. Well, opium is mostly I guess just Vicodin all those painkillers instead of just smoking opium. Yeah, but what if you smoke it out of a opium pipe? Then you get the accessory industry involved. Then you start selling special opium pipes and opium grinders, opium scales and all that stuff. I would like opium to make a comeback. The old kind.

I don't want Vicodin. I don't want heroin or any of the opiates that have been turned into different things. I want the old school brown stuff they smoked out of a wooden pipe with a Chinaman. Yeah, the safe stuff. All that safe opium that used to be on the market. I don't even... What does opium do to you?

It's not like an LSD kind of crazy high, right? No, no. It's basically like... Have you ever had to take Vicodin or any painkiller for anything, any surgery you've ever done? I've taken a painkiller. I don't remember the name of it. I think I pulled it out on the show at the time. It was probably hydrocodone, oxycodone.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It had like codone or codeine in it. Yeah. So hydrocodone is the same thing as Vicodin, for those who don't know. And it's an incredibly powerful opiate. And it ideally is supposed to numb all pain. So you won't feel basically not even just pain, like it numbs everything. I take one before I paintball. Okay, well that's not good for you. You do not. You do not take a vaping opiate. There's no way you drop opium before paintball.

First of all, Dr. Drugs. No one drops opium. Yeah, I take hydrocodone. For muscle pain and stuff. I'm carrying all that weight on my back. Yeah, I'm hurting by the end of the day. Do you take a Vicodin before you play paintball?

Yeah, it doesn't affect me. It doesn't get me all loopy or anything. I just don't feel the pain that day. I don't take a huge dose or anything. I just take hydrocodone. How do you get hydrocodone? Is it from like... It's a prescription. Yeah, you have to get a prescription.

You have a prescription. It's usually for when you get your wisdom teeth removed is when most people are introduced to it because that's just the soonest time in your life that you will need it since your joints aren't aching and your back isn't hurting. Or surgery. That's how it goes.

It's a dangerous drug. Yeah. And you want to try and steer clear of it. Yeah, you just numb you all over. You can just run through all those hits. Just like a juggernaut. Juggernaut. A child-destroying machine.

You've got to combine the Adderall with the Vicodin. And then you've got the crazy eyes on top of all of that. You really zero in focus. Kyle's got like... Yes. This is how I imagine pro gamers prepare prepare for their their day of gaming like we need to drop some adderall we need to drop this we need to drop that i was watching a uh one of those netflix documentaries about i'm gonna fuck up the guy's name he played for the

pirates he was a pitcher he's the guy who pitched the no hitter on acid uh kurt schilling not even a little bit close white guy played for the a white guy that pitched it was Nolan Ryan that was the Astros we're talking about a black guy Pedro Martinez he's a little black

anyway the guy was high as fuck on LSD pitched a no hitter and his whole career is on ls whitney houston is who you're searching for oh close i'm sorry i'm just fucking you i'll be he was so high that he couldn't see the batters like he couldn't he couldn't even identify what they were he's like i could tell if there was one on the left side of the plate or the right side of the plate but that's all i knew he's like but i could see that mitt and i was just i was just beaming him in but the thing was like he pitched every game high it wasn't usually lsd about this guy it wasn't

usually lsd he would take greenies a lot greenies are a stimulant um that were massively popular in in baseball he's like you know i I took the one the first time, and then it gave me such a huge edge. I was focused. Doc Ellis. Doc Ellis. And the videos, the thing is called a documentary, like D-O-C-K. I want to say they spell it.

But he was talking about these greenies and how they lost their effectiveness over time. And by the end, he's like, one day, I took like 18 greenies for the game he's like one sometimes i play a game where i just throw a handful of them on the table and whatever stood up i'd take but then sometimes enough wouldn't stand up so i'd take the ones that was laying down so he'd just get massively high stone fucked up before the games to deal with the pressure uh that came along with being a major league starting pitcher and he was pretty good at it yeah i wouldn't have guessed that that's a job you can do hi like i i don't know if you take a very difficult job to do like that they were

talking we're not talking about like uh like dope we're not talking about a guy who like smoked some opium for example or like smoked some pot or something like that he's not like dull down and slow he's taking stimulants with those greenies he's just fucking wired it got the crazy eyes going eye of the tiger and he's out there he's a pitcher so it doesn't matter if like for a moment he's just kind of being weird because the whole game is like wrapped around him so he'd step off the mound you could see him in the video he's chewing gum like this he's like crazy and's like, that's all part of my intimidation game. They'd see me walking off the mound, looking up in the stands,

chewing that gum like crazy. They wouldn't know what I was going to do. There was one game where he started off by plinking four batters in a row, tying the Major League record. Really? Yeah. So he's playing the Reds, playing the fucking Big Red Machine. Oh, wow, the Cincinnati Reds.

He really showed everybody what's up. No, no, no. We're talking about back when it was... What's the guy who got in trouble for betting on baseball? Pete Rose. Pete Rose. We're talking about when Pete Rose was leading off for the Reds. We're talking about the Big Red Machine. He plunked Pete Rose right off the start.

Hit him in the ass. The next batter-up's a black guy. He didn't think he'd hit him. He looks at the catcher and he's like, he won't hit me. Hits him in the ass. He was batter-up's a black guy. He didn't think he'd hit him. He looks at the catcher and he's like, he won't hit me. Hits him in the ass. He was a wild man. Documentary's pretty good. If you want to check it out. If you walk four people, that's a run. Oh, they kicked him out of it. He was proving a point. Kicked him out of the game after the fourth

one. His own manager took him out. He was there to make a statement. It doesn't seem like a good statement to make as a professional baseball player. Like if I'm a goalie and I start skating out and checking people to make a point, yet I give up a goal, there's a statement. Yeah, that's exactly. Woody is 100% right.

That's like me as a goalie being like, I can stop a lot of them just with my glove and I stand to the right of the net. It would be like in hockey. Ah, missed one, but whatever. It would be like in hockey if someone was disrespecting your team or playing in a

flamboyant way that was disrespectful, doing something to you that was getting his team fired up, getting the fans fired up and you just went and knocked that guy the fuck out, took him out of the game. That's what it would be like. Sounds like fighting in hockey. It's about owning your side of the plate.

He said it in the documentary. He's like, a lot of that plate's mine, and a little bit of it's yours. You've got to find out just how much, though. And it showed him plinking guys just left and right, hitting them with the ball. He was a commanding pitcher, and it's interesting that he did it always fucked up.

That doesn't sound fair. No, no, no. This doesn't seem like a commanding pitcher. A pitcher who just plinks. When you say plink, do you mean hit someone? Hit with a fucking ball. That's how it used to be played, though. There used to be a lot of that.

It's not now because it would protect guys, but it used to be a big part of baseball. When they talk about intimidating pitchers, what are you intimidated of if not the fact that he might hit you with a fucking ball? The fact that he can throw it 105 miles an hour or whatever the top speed is straight down the plate and make you look like a

fucking bitch when you can't hit it. I think 104 is the record, but that's not it. It's about owning... It doesn't matter how fast you throw it. If you give them the whole plate, you let them stand where they want, they can probably do's not it. It's about owning enough. It doesn't matter how fast you throw it. If you give them the whole plate, you let them stand where they want, they can probably do something with it. It's about taking as much of the plate away from them as you can. You don't want them inside on you, and you've got to take that away from them or you're going to have a bad day.

And the most intimidating pitchers, the reason they're afraid of them isn't because they're going to throw the ball fast down the strike zone. It's because they might throw that ball fast and hit you in the ribs with them, break a few ribs. They could. And as a hockey fan, you should just be like, yeah, I can see that. There's no way you should be second-guessing my baseball,

hitting people with balls in baseball when you guys are, like, breaking people's legs and shit. You broke a man's leg, you asshole. An ankle. An ankle. It's attached. All right, we need a new topic. What did I just have picked out oh this one's interesting to me

what you got so this lady was involved in a traffic accident she went the wrong way down a road and she killed someone but what makes the story interesting is shortly before she killed someone she texted and the text said uh too drunk to care so she was too drunk to care she's texting about it she went out and drove drunk and uh now there's a dead person thoughts too drunk to care was Was it the number two? It was. Of course it was. I deserve whatever they get her. They went harsh on her.

24 years in prison. Good. Someone died from that. Let me read this a little bit. This is kind of telling. At the time, she was only 20 years old. The receipt from Tijuana Taxi shows the underage Mendoza drank two large house margaritas

and had two other drinks of Patron Silver Tequila. The receipt shows a payment of $65. The receipt does not show that Mendoza ate anything. The Florida Highway Patrol says that at one point that night or the next morning, Mendoza tweeted, too drunk to care. Oh, wait, wait, wait. Here or the next morning Mendoza tweeted too drunk to care. Oh, here's her explanation.

Mendoza said the tweet has been taken out of context. What other context should we read it in? She said it didn't mean that she was going to get behind the wheel and whatever happened happened. Instead, she said it was meant for her boyfriend because the two had just recently argued. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter what you meant. She said it was meant for her boyfriend because the two had just recently argued No Doesn't matter what you meant He tweeted you were too drunk to care then got and got in a fucking car and killed some people I pictured this lady as like tweeting too drunk to care as she's driving. You know

Like too drunk to care. We're on our, you know, just swag, living that life. YOLO. That's a YOLO moment. Yeah, that's a YOLO moment. And then they crash and kill an innocent person. Well, good. I'm glad they threw the book at her. That seems really shitty.

I don't like drunk drivers. I don't like that. Especially when they're like, there's two kinds, I guess. There's the kind who just does it repeatedly and doesn't care. And then there's that guy who gets caught out on the wrong side of town, and he's had too many drinks, he didn't even realize he was too drunk. I guess he's just as guilty of the crime, but I'm more likely to feel a little mercy for someone

who maybe has an explanation or something, but she seems like she deserves to go to federal lesbian raping prison or something. That's the prison I'd like to go to. Me too, right? That's my favorite kind of prison. Yeah, I don't know that I line up with the two kinds of drunk drivers thing. It's like, ah, there's two kinds of, you know, violent assault. There's two kinds of knocking over liquor stores. We admitted there were three kinds of pedophiles online. Even Chris Hansen will tell you that. That's true. I think there's different variations of

everything it really depends on what someone has in their heart but the law doesn't care about all that so she's going to jail for a long time 24 years is a long long time but she killed someone well when she when she gets out she'll be older than you almost I don't know that's I'm pretty old 20 she's 20 so she got 24 years for killing someone. She killed two people. My mistake. She killed two people? Then she should

be in there for longer than 24. Two counts of DUI manslaughter. Yeah. That's what she needed. That's what she did. She DUI manslaughtered someone. She's guilty she's definitely guilty you know it just depends what the the punishment for dui manslaughter is

supposed to be that's a different i think it should be i don't think they should lock them away i think that's silly like like how are you doing any good like they know they made a mistake they're gonna live with that i think you should make them live out the next i they should have to pay restitution that's what i think they should have to pay restitution. That's what I think. They should have to pay me for the loved one they took. I should be earning off of their wages for years in the future. It should be like when you win the lottery

and you pick the 25... I have an idea for restitution. So she was 20, right? And the people that she killed were 21. Maybe they force her to be the family's new daughter, right? Fuck it. You need to spend the rest of your life impersonating

at least one of the victims so that the mom has a daughter again. This sounds so uncomfortable for everyone involved. This is genius. You just don't recognize it yet. The murderer will be your new daughter replaced. You can make her clean the room, pick up the... What if she kills your wife, though?

Does she become your wife? Yeah, clearly. I mean, if you wanted to pay restitution... You would want that? You would want this drunk bitch to be your wife? Look at Jackie in here and ask her what she thinks about it. She's like, wait, if a drunk bitch kills me, you're going to marry her and bring her in here

that i i i really don't see yeah then i'd have a wife again and be like you know look there's cooking and cleaning to be done around here you're moving in you're moving in you're gonna pick up where jackie left off you any good at homeschooling because we got a lot of homeschooling. I like that. That sounds awful. I watched your day in the life video, your first one. I know you put up a new one today. Just before

we went live, yeah, yeah. Just before, but I wasn't. It's 47 minutes long. I saw that. I like that. It was like 55 minutes. I cut out the boring stuff. Yeah, Chiz and I were talking to you about this the other night, and I think Chiz and I both agree that a lot of people do those day in the life videos and it's like them at walmart and then like them going to bed and it's like really you woke up went to walmart then went home and it was dark and you just lights out like no that's not what

happened but your your day in the life video was a little bit of everything you woke up to cope to school then you had to take a shower then there was a little bit of the shaving a little bit of the interview before and after there was the tractor cleanup outside, walking the dogs multiple times, got to see a little bit of the house. Um, it was good. I liked it a lot. Uh, and I like to see like, as the day went on, like the look in your eye changed, like, like early on, you were just kind of like dragging out of bed and then you got a little caffeine in you and you're, you're having a little fun and you're working. And then as the night goes on, you're just like, well, I think this is going to be the last one.

This is my last task of the day. I got to go to bed and then we'll kick it off again tomorrow. I have watched, how long have I been in this house? I think this is the third show we've done in here. So this two weeks in total, two weeks in a day. I've probably watched a total of like five or six minutes of television since i got here like netflix i just work all the time you gotta watch that you gotta get every like almost every night i'm like jackie we're gonna watch daredevil tonight and she's like it's 11 30 bitch but she best netflix ratings ever yeah it's not no it's because it's new every new netflix show has the highest ratings of all time, it's because it's new. Every new Netflix show

has the highest ratings of all time unless it's like a huge flop. That can't be true. So I think this is going to fall back and then... This is bigger than the current season of House of Cards. This is bigger than the first season of House of Cards. It's the biggest ratings they've ever had.

I watched the first episode of that show and I refuse to believe people think it's better than House of Cards. No, hang in there. Can I say a thing? Because Kyle did the same thing, and Chiz insisted that he give the show a few more episodes, and now Kyle is of a completely different opinion. So here's the weak points of the show.

Matt Murdock is pretty great. I like him. I wouldn't change too much about him. His friend, kind of a loser. I don't know. I don't like his friend at all, that blonde fat guy. I'm just not into him at all. I don't care for it when he's on screen.

But Fisk, the villain, is excellent. He's the best actor on the screen. He's really good. It's Private Pyle from Full Metal Jacket, but obviously he's older, bigger, and he fits the best actor on the screen. He's really good. It's Private Pyle from Full Metal Jacket, but obviously he's older, bigger, and he fits the role well of Fisk. Fisk has this whole backstory going on, and you do as much exposition on Fisk

as you do on Daredevil. So you get both of their backstories, see where both of them are coming from, and there's this... I don't want to give any spoilers, but the special effects are great going forward. They mesh special effects really well with great fight coordination. So one minute you'll be seeing real stuff,

punches and kicks being thrown, people moving around, a little bit of shaky cam stuff to make it all mesh well. And then all of a sudden there'll be a little bit of special effects where maybe Daredevil does a double backflip or something or does something that a normal human being couldn't do. I like the show a lot. Watch three episodes and if you don't like it then you'll know for sure. But I promise you.

Three episodes. That's what you're saying. It's darker than anything. I think two should do it. I think the fight scene is in the second one when he has to go. It's at the end of the second episode. He has to go and beat up a lot of people to save a little boy. And it's one of those no-cut long take fight scenes

There's a thing and I'm not positive This is true or even if it is it might not be true in the end But so we've watched there's a daredevil season that's produced and it's been wildly successful So there's going to be more but they're gonna do a season with other superheroes And then eventually what's the name of the other avengers do you know they're the defenders so there's a group of people called defenders they're all kind of lame uh just like daredevil is uh it's gonna be daredevil doesn't you know he doesn't shoot fire can i say a thing lame and superheroes to me is good i want them to be at risk right superman is boring he's not

even brave right you don't have to be brave. Agreed. Superman sucks. You're too invincible to be knowable from the audience perspective. If you're Superman, it doesn't even take bravery. It just takes patience or something to go through this boring set of whatever. You can push the world back where it belongs. It's horseshit. But if you're Daredevil, you're at risk. There's a cool thing happening here You know Captain America daredevil whatever people on that level are much more interesting superheroes to me than the ones that are uber powerful

So Captain America is much more powerful than daredevil. Just just just so you know what is he really yeah? Captain America could look lift like a thousand twelve hundred pounds over his head Daredevil's more like 400 pounds. How do you know these things? Like, what does Captain America do? Is he an actual superhero? I thought he was just some guy they got. No, they gave him that super formula.

Remember, he started as this little skinny guy, but he had all that heart. He kept applying to fight in the war, World War II, and he kept getting denied because of all his health problems, and he's a really tiny guy, like 5'5", 100 pounds. He was like a really good man in kind of a bad body, and they gave him this injection that made him like 12 times what he was before. So he became

really strong and really great, and his goodness was also multiplied. That's from the movies. Maybe the comic, the lore is slightly different. 12 times is good. I think that's actually right, but I'm not sure. It's pretty close. They put the Grinch-like heart measuring tool on him, and it busted.

Just exploded. Daredevil's powers. A gigantic heart. Daredevil's powers. It turns out to not be helpful. Daredevil's powers came from an accident when he was a child that blinded him. Like chemicals in an accident where he's saving someone in a road from a car hitting them and these chemicals went his eyes they blinded him and at the same time they magnified all

of his senses you know a thousand times so he can hear shit really far away he can see he can he can smell he can smell well enough to like track someone you know blocks away he can hear your heartbeat some of the building with him I wish I had my comic book lore better, but some people argue that Daredevil is not blind because he has something that resembles sight. He has an extra sense that sort of replaces pressure waves, heat variations,

all that stuff. He has a sense of where the dimensions of the room are and where all the objects are in the room. In my head, I translate it into, well, Geordi from Star Trek's not blind. He's seeing something different than everyone else they're electro waves or something but he has sight essentially now and because of daredevil and his pressure and his echolocation and his i did i just picture him clicking he can't read though

but he can't read right so that's yeah that's a good point a lot of blind people really like the daredevil guy because he's like he's the superhero for them you know he's their own little special just like a lot of black people like the black superheroes as few and far in between as they are yeah i there are a lot more black superheroes than blind superheroes definitely yeah relegated to the one unless you can't like kenshi or something from like the mortal kombat dc universe kyle's got his superheroes down there kyle's good on a scale of one to ten in terms of superhero knowledge i'm like a one and a half kyle i don't know is what he is but much much higher than more i watch i've watched hours and hours of watch mojo uh videos on

the dc and marvel universe i likejo videos on the DC and Marvel Universe. I like to get on Marvel.com and read up on like the healing, you know, exactly what is Wolverine's healing factor. You know, let's define it. And they've actually done that on that website. So it's fun to read that stuff. And they have this little thing where you can like match the Hulk up against another superhero and see their stats. We could do that. See, how does that work? Like how do they match two fictional things together?

Do they just like, oh, the Hulk picked up a whole train once. That's it. They match the height of their accomplishments throughout the lore. And then they're like, all right. So Superman one time stopped the Earth's rotation. This is how much force it would take to do that. What's a career would you like to know about um okay daredevil versus captain america can you cross no that's not even cross i'm not sure if

you can do the verses anymore let me i'm working on this all right so i've got stronger than the hulk because i thought that his his strength continued to amplify based on his anger it does he just gets the the anger he gets the stronger he gets it's infinite no one is stronger than the Hulk in the Hulk's universe I mean there's like red Hulk and there's the abomination I guess they're pretty close well of course those two yeah you're gonna have those two I mean Woody was about to say the Red Hulk and the Abomination. The Abomination in particular, he's like a snow monster, I think.

Absolutely. I believe the people call him, oh, the Abominable is coming upon us. He looks like Bigfoot, but he has white fur, but like a hawkish Bigfoot it's almost it's almost yeah just very hulkish he has short pants on just and then the red Hulk he's like a like a Tauntaun from Star Wars I think he's almost like the Just a tinge red. There must be somebody really pissed off right now. I know. There are so many comments. It might be Kyle. Just see things right now.

The Red Hulk was the one who was beaten by the Colonials. Oh, God. I had to process that. I see. They were red coats they're british i got you say red oh i thought you said red skull no he said the red hulk no i don't know what so tomorrow we're going to see the new avengers movie has anyone here seen it i haven't seen it yet oh i haven't seen it yet we have um so my family has another family that we're friends with this is like a real adult kind of friendship well an adult kind of friendship huh but um i feel like kids don't have this it's like i like the dad

mom or jackie likes the mom the kids you know are the same age and uh and we are going out with another family to the movies and then we go to dinner and we talk about the movie we only do it for like kind of bigger movies we did it for a lot of the Marvel movies we do it for, but we'll probably do it for Star Wars and stuff like that. Yeah, I've been meaning to watch it, but I guess I should. I don't know. I feel like they're making so much Marvel content, so we kind of hit on it,

but what they're going to do over on Netflix... What's the last Marvel content? Was it Captain America? Was that the last thing? Or maybe you're thinking of Daredevil? I feel like... All the stuff that's coming to Netflix and all the things they've got planned, the Defenders alone.

Half the time it seems like they don't come true. The Defenders alone. Yeah, right. 2019. I feel like maybe I'll agree with you. Stuff takes so long. I'm looking forward to Star Wars. That's 2016, right? Is it this Christmas? What's this Christmas? No, it is this Christmas, isn't it? Star Wars at Christmas. Something's this christmas i thought it is this christmas isn't it star

wars at christmas yeah something's 2016 i forget what it is maybe it's an avenger marvel thing yeah there's lots of there's lots of stuff coming next year but oh batman versus superman is next year that might be the one i'm thinking of yeah um no i there's a lot of stuff coming to netflix and i think netflix is uh all right so another thing about daredevil it's a lot darker than uh any of the other marvel content there's a part where like i to Netflix and I think Netflix is, alright so another thing about Daredevil, it's a lot darker than any of the other Marvel content, there's a part where like I don't know, the spike goes through the guy's eye and it's really gruesome, lots of blood and gore Daredevil takes his licks, he gets

all cut up all the time, constantly getting the shit beat out of him but the thing is this, they're gonna do this thing called the Defenders, which are kind of like the Junior Avengers it seems I don't know much about them, but there's like three or four other members, and each of them is getting their own 13-episode series

on Netflix as well. Each of the members, and then they will, when their powers combine, they become the Defenders, and the Defenders is going to get like five or six-episode miniseries or something, also on Netflix. Do you know what characters are going to get series

of their own luke cage is one of them uh let me look up who they are who is luke cage i don't know anything about the defenders i i knew but that's it let's see um I guess I should search for the defenders on Netflix. Defenders on Netflix. Because there are different groups of the defenders over time. I was searching for a topic. And then I got a Reddit message so I checked it in. This guy sends me

a private message. The title is New House. He says, Woody, I'm really digging the new house. Got any more pics of that bathroom? I'm definitely a bathroom man. That's a little fucked up. Did you see the

pictures of... That's it girl wants more pictures of my bed can i see your toilet woody go on i'm sorry i could go on what were you saying i was gonna see uh if you'd seen the new pictures of um um what's his name as the new joker from the suicide squad movie oh oh what what the fuck is his name? He's a good actor. Yeah. Jared Leto. Jared Leto. Jared Leto is Batman. Search those images. As the Joker. Yeah. So the Suicide Squad is, it's like a handful of comic book villains, and they put explosive bracelets on them and make them go do good. And they put explosive bracelets on him and make him go do good.

See, that's interesting. But how did you feel about his initial picture as the Joker? Were you like, oh, hell yeah, this is the Joker? Or were you kind of reticent about it? Is this the picture? Does anyone have a, like, is this the one? It's the one where he's holding, no. No, that's not it. Let me try and find a better one.

I like it. It looks to me like this joker is going to be and i read this uh he's going to be more of a psychotic whereas um uh yeah well the last rendition of joker wasn't really that he was more of an anarchist like um okay it's all part of the plan you know it it takes a lot of organization to do what heath ledger's joker did All that manpower, all the resources and stuff. He had a plan. He was an anarchist. He wanted everything to burn. This guy looks like a psychopath. This guy looks like he's just

a madman who might just cut your ear off for fun because he wants to... That's what he likes to do. He just looks like a maniac. He's got tattoos on his face, all over his body, the teeth, the eyes. He just looks crazy. Jared Leto is a good actor. Jared Leto.

He is a very good actor, but I don't like this depiction of... What the hell did I just copy and paste? Jesus Christ. Holy smokes. Well, that is wrong. Having a better understanding of the cultural aspects related to the biological changes during puberty is very important to be able to understand

how this can create differences in life perspectives. I think I copied the whole article instead of... Oh, I thought this was like some homework or something. I was like, what is this? I thought this was related to the pedo stuff. She was doing homework on my computer. That could be it, but

I just copied and pasted some more. Would it be inappropriate to read your girlfriend's homework? If you want to read a random ass article that she sourced, then it would be a wonderful thing. Yeah, I don't think she wrote that. Yeah, I don't think she did. But this next one, when you look at it, you can see Jared Leto there just looking normal,

almost Christ-like. And then next to him is the guy holding his hands in front of his head, and he's got all the metal teeth and all that nastiness. I don't like the tattoos. It's really fucking corny. As if the Joker, this demented mind, would have a tattoo across his forehead that said damaged. How attention-seeking is that?

I don't think the Joker is that attention-seeking. Damaged. And then he has – He dyes his hair. It's going to be a different Joker. You're right. It's not going to be the Joker we're familiar with. The difference is –

I really appreciate the difference. The thing is I'm glad that no one stepped in And tried to do a Heath Ledger impression I didn't quite Appreciate Heath Ledger's name Until he died When he died all of a sudden it was like Wow that guy crushed it in Brokeback Mountain

Wow that guy crushed it In Batman The Brothers Grimm and A Knight's Tale Oh god Fuck you Kyle In my head he was just an actor Batman in particular. The Brothers Grimm and A Knight's Tale. Oh, God. Fuck you, Kyle. But I was like, you know, in my head, he was just an actor I didn't really pay attention to.

Then when he died, he got elevated into, like, one of the talents of our day. Philip Seymour Hoffman did that for me, too. Like, when he was alive, I never really thought much of it. And then when he died, it was like, ooh,

I didn't really notice how he killed some of the roles he was in. You know, we watched the, uh, what was that movie we watched with him not too long ago with him and Joaquin Phoenix, where it was, it seemed a lot like Scientology.

Oh, the master. Yeah. That was a great movie. I don't remember it. Uh, it's where, uh,

Joaquin Phoenix is getting inducted into this cult. And whatever the fuck his name is, is the leader. What's his name, Kyle? Philip Seymour Hoffman is the leader. And he kind of manipulates Joaquin Phoenix into doing everything he wants to do. Even making examples of him in front of the rest of the followers. Like where he runs up to a window and then stands there for no reason and then runs back to the other wall and he had like he had to run to the window and rub it and then run back to the wall and rub it one was rough and one was

smooth and he just had to do it and he was like until what and he's like until you're done he did it back and forth i don't remember this at all. You were there. You were snoring a lot. But he did it back and forth until he had this sort of hallucination. He sort of lost it. I don't think they've been giving him food and water maybe. But he was just like, now when he's feeling the glass, he's seeing some kind of magical world. It was a good movie.

We're making it sound all supernatural and weird now but it's actually more of a psychological uh really smart um well-acted film amy at oh not amy adams who plays the girl in that right oh god i don't know her name she's but it was an excellent are you sure i was there like 99 sure you sure we Are you sure? We watched this together? I think you, me, and Chiz watched it together, yeah. I swear we didn't. The one I was snoring through was the one

with Denzel Washington. He played like a murderer of some sort. Or an assassin. Hey, Chiz. Can we watch The Master with us? We'll find out on that. I'm pretty sure we hey Chiz watch the master with us so we'll find out on that I'm pretty sure we did yeah

is that pretty common for you guys when you shoot those texts of let's watch a movie tonight or rather when Chiz shoots those texts and Woody do you fall asleep during those pretty often I think it's happened twice out of like 12. That's not bad.

You doze a bit. Yeah, you're probably right. It's not often. It's probably like I would say maybe three times. Out of how many? How many movies have we watched? Maybe 12. Something like that, yeah.

That was a pretty good call. Hey, only a quarter of the time. Yeah, yeah. That was a pretty good call. Hey, only a quarter of the time. Yeah, yeah. I say a sixth. He says, we never watched The Master together. You watched it, and I think Taylor and I, we all watched it individually. Well, fuck it. You never watched it, Woody. I watched it by myself and thought you were

there. You were there and thought mine. I was probably thinking about you while you watched it. I might have had my Woody doll with me. You never know. Don't tell people about the Woody doll. So I haven't seen Jared Leto yet, but just based on this art, I like it a lot. I felt like Heath Ledger killed it in The Joker

and I'm glad that they're going in sort of a different direction. Yeah, and he won't be the star of this film I mean he might be like one of the main main guys but it's sort of an ensemble thing and I have to act it to see who the star is right because sometimes people will steal a scene like well Smith is in it too what that could be bad I dude if you go back ten years Will Smith movie meant don't miss it. This is going to be great. You're going to really enjoy this. It doesn't have to be like an artistic masterpiece, but if Will Smith is in it, it'll be good. That rule doesn't

apply anymore. Yeah, ever since I Am Legend, that kind of fell off. Oh, maybe. I enjoyed I Am Legend. I enjoyed Hancock too, but whatever that recent one is, I didn't even see it where he was in with his son. That broke it to some extent. Oh, it's such shit. Pursuit of Happiness? No. That was good. Pursuit of Happiness was alright.

Although his kid sucked. You're talking about... The kid sucked. The kid is a shit, shit, shit actor. You're talking about Beyond Earth or After Earth or something like that. You're talking about the kid sucks he's a shit actor you're talking about Beyond Earth or After Earth or something like that you're talking about when they like dude you should watch the

your movie sucks guy tear it apart because he's it would take me 20 minutes it took him 40 minutes to tell you everything that was wrong with the movie but basically it was shit from the special effects from like the back story to the way they to the way that they wrong with the movie but basically it was shit from the special effects from like the backstory after the way they after earth to the way that they like deliver the thing the character the way the information unfolds um it was poorly made poorly thought out poorly acted will smith you think will smith is going to be doing doing cool shit because the whole

premise of the movie is will smith is a fucking. He's the guy who, when he fights the aliens, they can literally smell your fear. This guy has no fear in him, so they can't even smell him. He ghost walks. He's fucking invisible. So he just walks amongst the alien monsters with, like, a staff that turns into whatever blade he wants, slicing and dicing, right? It's gonna be a good movie. Nah, nah, nah.

He doesn't kill another animal, another monster ever in the whole movie. They show like a flashback of him doing it once or twice, and then it's his kid the rest of the movie limping around through Earth with all these bullshit animals that have evolved in a thousand years since humans haven't been there. All of a sudden, in a thousand years, there's going to be eagles with like a 15-foot wingspan and monkeys that are smart enough to coordinate attacks i don't think so it was just bullshit upon bullshit upon bullshit and that kid can't act

hmm i i but have you read his twitter yeah whoever fucking hilarious whoever they've got writing that bullshit can't fucking write no dude did you see him at um i think it was beyonce's wedding dressed as a white batman oh i need to see a picture of this or a story of this because i have not heard of it to my will smith's sons dressed up as a white batman at beyonce's wedding i i may have the person getting married. You're balling when you can say you did that, right? What are y'all dressed up like white Batman for? Well, I was at Beyonce's wedding and I just thought,

oh, okay. When you say white Batman, the whole suit's white? Like the cape and all? You're in luck. I have an image. And it was Kanye's wedding. Oh. That's not as prestigious. like the cape and all you're in luck i have an image and it was kanye's wedding oh that's not as prestigious right here i don't know what the look at that white batman

at first i was looking at kim's ass i was like damn kim's got a big ass even in a wedding dress and then i was like white batman spotting i looked at this image for like eight seconds before I even noticed that guy in the full fucking outfit of anybody else impressed with how classy Kanye's wedding looks it looks fine but look at white Batman white Batman and appears to be black I think white Batman look at the mouth area you in the in the eyes You can tell that it's a... And the fingers. The fingers. You can tell that it's a black person playing white Batman.

How gauche, right? I mean, you don't wear white to someone else's wedding. It's true. He really kind of shows up the bride, I think, in that outfit. Yeah. Do you think that Kim looked at him like, ah, bitch? Yes.

Yeah, yeah. That's how I think it went down. That's silly. Do you think that Kim looked at him like, ah, bitch? Yes. Walking. Yeah, yeah. That's how I think it went down. That's silly. I've never seen a white Batman, certainly not at a wedding. That's great. I look at this from a parenting perspective, right? So it's clear that Will and I forget his wife's name, but they take kind of his wife. Is there a wife's name? Jaden? What's his son's name. But they take kind of... His wife. Is there a wife's name?

Jaden? What's his son's name? Oh. I think his... Is that actually Jaden Smith? I think his son is Jaden Smith. Yes. Well, I have some of Jaden Smith's best tweets.

Both of their kids are like... Their kids' names come from their names. So, like, Will's daughter is Willow. So, it wouldn't surprise me if their names are similar. His wife is Jada. Jada. Yeah, Jada. Jada Pinkett.

So, oh, and his new name, his new wife. Wait, no. Jada is his current wife. His previous one was Cherie. Lots of rumors that they're both gay and that it's a marriage of convenience. Okay, so back on topic. As a parent, I look at how they raise Jaden. And it's super hard to raise a good celebrity kid. That's been established. You never know.

They go Macaulay Culkin on you all the time. So they're giving Jaden a lot, like a long leash, right? They're totally letting him be his own person. And his own person is a little freaking weird. But he's like, what, 14, 15 years old now? I think he's 16. 16? What if he grows up to be like a really, Sorry, ladies. I'm in the night's watch.

Nice. What if he grows up and becomes like a really well-adjusted adult who's traveled all the wrong paths as a teenager without making any really drastic mistakes, just being goofy? What if they put him on rails to avoid the bad celebrity kid problems? Maybe he'd turn out to be a really messed up 18-year-old when he suddenly gets legal freedom. I don't think this is a case of someone sowing their wild oats or getting stuff out of their system or anything like that.

It's not really doing anything harmful or crazy or scary. He's just a weird guy a little bit, and he's a bad actor, that's all. He's not up to no good. He's not a Justin Bieber. That's what I'm saying. That's very true. And if I can quote James Smith from May 1, 2013, how can mirrors be real if our eyes aren't real?

Just let that marinate for 40 or 50 minutes. He's a 15-year-old kid reading philosophy. He's just a little bit weird, that's all. He's a little bit weird, but what if his parents are outstanding at raising him? What if he turns out to be a really great person? Well, see, Woody, that's what you would think, but according to...

He still can't make Bad Boys 5. It's not going to happen. He can't act. That's all I care about. I don't care he fucking like gets a drug i don't care what happens to him period but just a i don't want him ruining my movies that's all i care about like i don't want to go pay money to watch him ever on a screen again because he's bad but kyle what you fail to realize is that if newborn babies could speak they would be the most intelligent beings on planet Earth. September 12, 2013. That's another tweet from him.

I've read that one too. No, they wouldn't. They'd be the dumbest people on Earth. As a matter of fact, that's why they can't speak. No, Woody, you just don't get it. He knows. Jaden Smith knows. It says also, just the same day,

this brilliant fuck came out with this see huh huh wait say oh what am i supposed to another tweet if i have to repeat it you just don't know this is great i watch twilight every night that's one of his tweets that was his oldest tweet yeah school is the tool to brainwash the youth yeah see that this guy knows what's up here's a good one people think that a relationship makes you whole that it's two 50 coming together to make 100 when it should be two 100 coming together to make 200 good for him he's actually right about that fuck i wanted to insult his you know whatever 13 year old views into love and he didn't write any

of that i don't think he i don't think that's his twitter account i think that's somebody else's twitter account i believe he writes this i know his name's on it and all but somebody else is pushing the fucking buttons like no he deleted it snoop dog follows me on twitter but i promise you if i dm him right now he's not going to be the one answering my message like i've been drinking distilled water for so long that when i drink normal water it feels like I'm swallowing huge chunks of aluminum. Wow. Well, drinking distilled water is something you shouldn't do because it's going to leach nutrients from your stomach because it's fucking distilled.

Only idiots drink distilled water. Is that true? I don't know. We need to start feeding Wings of Redemption nothing but distilled water. Get him on a gallon of that a day. Maybe it'll suck off. It'll suck all the calories out of his... Does it work the same way for...

You can't drink distilled water. Do you want to hear about distilled water? Yeah, tell me more. Distilled water tends to be acidic and can only be recommended as a way of drawing poisons out of the body. Once this is accomplished, the continued drinking of distilled water is a bad idea. Water filtered through a reverse osmosis tends to be neutral and is accepted for regular use and provided

minerals are supplemented. So apparently distilled water is not what you want. Because why? No, no, no. It sounds to me like distilled water is all you want. That way if anybody poisons you, it's going to leach it right out of your body. I got poison in my body i'm drinking nothing you're willing to risk every nutrient you ever eat on the off chance that's yeah i wouldn't want to lose any

of those taco bell nutrients i wouldn't want i wouldn't want to lose all of the uh the gum arabic and the calcium disodium i I don't know. I think fire sauce has a lot of potassium. What about blue one? Blue one? Oh, that's the good stuff. This is actually Mountain Dew Sangrita Blast, a Taco Bell original

for a limited time only. You taught me how to play the piano, but you have never heard me. That kid's weird everybody likes to make fun of him let's see what other tweets he has let's just start tweeting Jada Smith shit all the time as if they were our own thoughts see the best thing about it

is that he says Ben not B-E-E-N. Like, I have been doing this. He says bin as though I've been drinking like a bin that you would keep children's toys in. Yeah. Like B-I-N. I've been drinking distilled water for so long that when I drink normal water, it feels like I'm swallowing chunks of aluminum.

Well, I don't think he'll be on Suicide Squad, so we don't have to worry about him fucking that up, but Will Smith will be. Probably not. And Jared Leto and a handful of others. I'm not really sure who, so. Lots of comic book content coming out to theaters and to Netflix in the next couple years.

It's really a little bit too much. It feels like the bubble's going to burst, right? It feels like the numbers can't just keep going up and a billion every film and half a billion for the minor films. Can they keep that up? When are they going to start making some Westerns again? I know that's what Woody wants. Talk to me about it.

My wife wants a new puppy. She's pushing this puppy thing so hard. She just sent me a text of a puppy that she wants let's see this puppy i can't see that i'm sorry you can't oh oh i'm sorry i'm not showing the right camera for you what is that is that that's a great dane oh that's a why are the enormous ones uh i don't know like like is it big enough like couldn't you just get like? I don't know. Like, is it big enough? Like, couldn't you just get like a, I don't know, a big dog without getting an enormous dog? Like that dog newborn and it weighs 14 pounds.

I like enormous dogs. But I don't want to do the Great Dane thing again. I feel like Great Danes are particularly unhealthy. We just had a five-year-old Great Dane that had a heart attack. Next time, let's get like a Great Dane St. Bernard mix. Do that. I'd love that. You know, or I saw a Great Dane German Shepherd mix,

which is going to be more vicious than Jack was. But, you know, it's like you get a mix. Put some health in there. It seems like there'd be a lot of genetic diversity if you just mix them a little. And that seems like a smart idea to me. I agree. I like the... if Dak weren't such an asshole. He's really smart. He's good at doing stuff. He's super physical. I think i would want a dog character i i think i like the dog i got i think that's what i would want uh maybe a lab a chocolate lab would be nice um i had one i had a yellow lab growing up those are cool

we've had a bunch of purebreds and um a lot of times when they say like oh labs have these issues they get hip dysplasia. They're susceptible to cancer. I'm like, yeah, we had two labs. They both had hip issues and cancer. That's bad. And they're like, you know, then Great Danes. One thing that happens to Great Danes a lot is they have heart attack and bloat. We didn't have any bloat issues, but we had a dog with a heart attack at five.

And colic. Yeah, I think colic and bloat might be related. Bloat's like an intestinal thing, too. And I'm just like, damn, you know, how about we get a dog that isn't known for, like, having massive health issues? You know? Wolf. Go back to the original. Get one of those prototype dogs.

Get yourself a fucking wolf. A prototype dog? Yeah, that's what they started with.. Get yourself a fucking wolf. A prototype dog? Yeah, that's what they started with. All dogs derived from the wolf. All dogs. All of them. The little ones. If I were king, and I'm not,

we would get a one-year-old, housebroken, big mutt of some sort. Like I said, a dane shepherd or dane mastiff or you know bernard mastiff i don't know something that's mixed up a little bit so a great bernard a great bernard yeah i would like that um no i i really do i'm kind of keen on the idea of having a pet wolf because i just think that's so badass to be like, what is that? It's a wolf.

No, it's not a dog. It's not a dog. It's a whole other species. That would be nice. That guy in Texas who has the wolf. I thought that was pretty cool. And when it runs, I don't know, it just looks different. It looks like it's ready to rip your throat out.

And then, you know, you just assert your dominance every couple years to make sure he doesn't try to take over the pack or anything. The whole family needs to do that, right? You notice every so often Hope and the Wolf will, like, square off. No, I think it's just the dominance. I think he would, you know, position himself right below you, and he would just kind of go from there. So isn't that a problem when he occasionally beats the shit out of the rest of my family just to

make sure they know where they stand? Yeah, those are his pack mates. That's true, but it sounds like a net win from Woody's perspective. So I gotta unite. Oh yeah, let's see this thing. Oh, by the way, Woody, I was trying to get my girlfriend

to draw you as a dick and she said that you didn't look funny enough so you're you're too attractive to be a cop I totally thought she was going to just feel like and she drew you straight up I asked her she draw he's a dick, and I showed her your picture, and she's like, I can't improve on perfection. That's it. He's nailed it.

She just takes a photo of me. This is a dick. So this is my new knife. It is a Kershaw jive, I think. And you have the leaf. What is yours? Both of your dicks are right up there. And we had them there for guests.

And nobody has noticed. She's grabbing them right now. Nobody has noticed. Two dicks up there. Oh, so wait. The dick version of me? Kind of floppy, she said. Well, I'm older than Kyle.

So Kyle's the one with the outfit. With the Uzi. All right. Well, clearly. Or the TM7, actually. Kyle cock. Yeah, this is Kyle. This is just the generic, you know, happy-go-lucky, I'm a cocky dick.

And is that one meant to be me? No, no. This is just meant to be the generic oh I'm too good for you dick look at how look at his eyebrows hopefully I have got my old personalized dick no I'm a little jealous maybe she I know she said this is me I guess okay and then that was Kyle nice if at Kyle, until you see the nutsack, Kyle's isn't obviously a dick. If you just see the top of it,

you're like, oh yeah, that's Kyle. If you look at the part in his hair, it's there. But it's real subtle until the nutsack comes. I like the veins and the weapon, of course. That's wonderful. I love that.

We need a woody cock now. I know. She'll make a woody cock. I look forward to that. How long does it take for her to draw a cock? There's more drawing there. I think she's cutting those out. I don't know if she's got like a cock template or oh there's some sort of cock show she's totally doing a cock show right now yeah we've lost merca and we just have dancing penis

welcome to the fancy time cock show with kyle and taylor this is nice i could watch this show just this yeah I'm cocksure with Kyle and Taylor. This is nice. I could watch this show. Just this. Yeah. Does Mirka know he's muted? Yeah.

Okay. I knew I was muted. Yeah. Just. Get your dick out of your ear. That's fine. So, like a skill that she acquired long ago or she's all are there like multiple cocks or is that like a new thing for her the cock that's a new she's just incredibly artistic like i just mentioned that and she thought it would be funny so she did it and yeah she's just a very artistic person. Well, that's very nice. I like that. It was her idea.

Hey, I got my grass cut today. I finally found someone to cut my fucking grass. It has been a problem forever. I could cut your grass. I got the equipment. Oh, I saw. I saw you cutting your grass. I would go to town on that yard of yours.

I really do want you to get Colin a lawnmower and have like all three of you out there like making laps, cutting grass. Jackie has approved it too. There is nothing holding me back. I just – I go on Craigslist every so often. I'm not sure what I want. Yeah, that's a question too. Like what kind of lawnmower are you going to get? You've already got like medium and – you've already got large and extra large.

Yeah. So I'm like, but like we kind of, if Colin is to be useful, I feel like he should be on at least a four foot wide mower, right? If we were to get him like hypothetically like a third, we've got a lot of yard to cut, you know? So if he's just going to buzz around there in circles and get nothing done, then he can have anything. But if he's going to do laps, you know, back and forth and actually help out, then he should be doing four feet at a time on like a John

Deere riding mower. So hoping he can go as doubles, do ten feet, I'll do like seven or eight on the tractor, and we'll rip it out. That's the idea. Do they still think of riding a mower as like a prize? Like a fun thing to do?

I wouldn't say so. Because that's how my dad got me to do it. For Colin, it's kind of fun. For Hope, it's just a little bit of alone time. The smartest thing I did is I was like, Hope, I think you should get some earbuds, bring your iPhone, and listen to your music. Because that's what I do. I listen to an audio book, and I just sort of chill and do my thing. So that's what she does.

She listens to Fallout. Is it Fallout Boy or Boys, I think, the band. And she just rocks Fallout Boys, does her thing. Singular. It's one boy. No, no, no. It's all of the boys, Kyle. Fuck.

The Fallout Boys is Wings of Redemption's Fallout clan he plays in. Fallout Boy is a band. Kyle is right. Well, darn. I thought Fallout Boy was related

to the video game and Boys was related to the band. If she starts hanging out with the Fallout Boys, you need to step in immediately. That's a nerdy group so anyway she listens to fallout boy and mows the yard and doesn't complain because it's basically just i don't know she gets to chill and sort of collect her thoughts and listen to music and she's not so it's not so bad were you wearing sunscreen out there i wasn't i feel like feel like you need a daily facial sunscreen, like a moisturizer with some SPF 10. You really need to get something on the back of your neck, too.

It's not good. Not healthy. You're right. But I also want to be outside and enjoy the sun. Yeah, that's why every time you get out of the shower, you brush your teeth and you shave, and then you put your facial moisturizer on with your SPF 10. Woody's been alive for a while.

He gets the moisture. He understands it. My life has improved dramatically since I started using sunscreen on a regular basis. I don't fear the sun. I feel like my skin is more moisture. My skin is just a different consistency it's just like when you touch it it's different it's it's it's more juicy i'm more juicy now what percentage more juicy touch oh my juiciness has went up at least

35 percent i was right there i'd say 40 i had fucking yeah I can feel it. My skin's just so soft and supple. I really can. It's a big difference. I bet if you felt Woody's cheek and felt mine, you'd feel the soft, tender nature of my skin. I don't know. My skin's feeling pretty good right now, too. It's that Dollar Shave Club.

I was actually just thinking that. You guys said you didn't like the shave butter. I genuinely do like the shave butter. Really? I like you can see through it to like see what's going on because i'm just hacking away at cream i don't know what's happening there some of the time so that's definitely an improvement but i got some irritation from it like i was just kind of shaving like i don't know on like the top of my leg there was some errant patch of hair i was like oh you don't need to be there and just like i don't know i on like the top of my leg, there was some errant patch of hair. I was like, ah, you don't need to be there. And just like, I don't know, I got some irritation there.

Just like red bumps and stuff. I've only used the shave butter on my face. And yeah, I feel like it's the lube. It does exactly what it's supposed to do. You know, like it prevents me from getting all those little pimples and tiny nicks and stuff. And I like it. I almost wish it was colored or something. So it was like a little trail of where I'd been.

You know, which is the thing that you don't like about shave cream. Oh, that's the next up in shaving cream technology. That has to be because you use those mouthwashes that they have you use when you go to the dentist and they're like, these are all the places you're missing. It's all purple and pink and everything, and it's all condescending from the point of the dentist that's next to see

where you're missing on your face. I want to hand that thing to the dentist like alright if you're going to embarrass me with this fucking red drink you do it. You and I head to head let's go bitch. That would be funny. They ask me how often I floss like are you flossing totally expecting it to be no but like

I floss like twice a day. Yeah, I'm flossing. I'm your best. Are you really? Yeah, I'm like the best flosser at my whole dentist. I have to be. Who else flosses twice a day? No one.

No one flosses. The last time I went to a dentist was the first time I was honest about how much I flossed. Where they were like, oh it looks like a little bit of bleeding up here when they were doing a little pickaxe routine and I was they're like how much are you flossing and I was like oh you know uh when's the last time I was here you're kind of my flosser to be honest yeah when was the last time you flossed me? You should know better than me. You're the flosser around here, asshole. Exactly.

What are you coming to me for? I don't know when the last time the garbage got taken out. Don't you take notes of how often you floss me? Just like Bart Simpson said in 1995, when the dentist is like, I want you to floss two times a day for the next six months and come back and see me and he was like so you want me to do your job for you for free no and then he just left best best simpsons part ever i floss all the time i have floss convenient with me i've got like in the cup holder in my truck i've got some floss i've got some floss in my

bathroom i've got some floss all i bet i've floss in my bathroom. I've got some floss all over. I've got this floss right here. I don't own floss. The last time I flossed, honestly, was when I got some jerky really stuck in my tooth. Bam, floss. I have a preference for the stringy kind as opposed to the plasticky kind.

And I like it to be minty. I like it to be minty too. Have you ever used the picks? My kids do. The picks? Where like the plastic thing? Yeah. You know exactly what you're talking about.

That's way easier for me. Yeah, I like them long. And don't be shy with it. Get yourself like a foot of it. Wrap it up around your fingers and then you do your job. Yeah, don't fuck around. No, you don't do it wide. You get more in your fingers and then you go in, don't fuck around. No, you don't do it wide. You get more in your fingers, and then you go in. Don't fuck around.

This is how you floss. If you guys don't know, I'm not ready to floss in front of a camera, but get like a foot of it, wrap it around your fingers so it's maybe three inches wide, and then go at it. And then if there's suddenly something wrong or dirty or you're not happy with that, just do the and then like shift it over from finger to finger and then you can do the rest of your teeth and you're good to go but you need a good purchase on it right like that's why i grabbed like a foot of it because if if you just get six inches it wants to like

unravel off your finger this dental floss is only slightly more than free like you don't have to be that cheap with it for six dollars you get like a six pack of like it's not a pro that is the best way i've heard anything described of it's slightly more than free yeah right you don't have to like really conserve dental floss you get like a pack of 12 or whatever, six off Amazon for like five bucks. You're covered for like four years and you're good to go. So.

Just a little more than free, people. Floss. Yes, it's only slightly more than free. Just like Dollar Shave Club. That's dollarshaveclub.com slash pka. Plan started as little as $3 per month. And I really strongly recommend you bump on up to that $8 per month plan. You're going to want to use that very fancy razor on your face.

You don't need nicks or cuts. But the three-blade razor is what I prefer for my genitals, as I said. I just feel like it does a better job down there. You have more control over the razors in question. So dollarshaveclub.com slash pka. I really like them all. That's true. All the blades. I dollarshapeclub.com slash pka. I really like them all. That's true. All the blades.

I have them all. I can't go wrong. They have a one and two blade as well. That's excellent for the genitals. I don't know about Kyle with his three blade, you know, hullabaloo, but you should go with something with less blade. I like a close cut.

You like a close cut? Yeah. Last time we talked, I believe you had a lot of crannies, not so many nooks. That's true, absolutely. Lots of crannies, not so many nooks. I get everything nice and smooth, yeah. Yeah, I bet it looks great down there.

I've seen... Are you not part of that group text? No, I am. I was just saying that for plausible deniability for the audience, but it does look good. Thanks. Looks like a very immaculate velvet bag with two marbles in it. And the fact that I was able to carve that giraffe out on top, I mean, that says something about the precision you get from three razor blades.

I think it's horseshit that you're claiming credit for my artistic work you just drew the outline yeah but he drew the outline on your pelvis yeah yeah that's what he more credit i'll be right back he slips that in like it's nothing. It took Joe to hold him down. So shall we just read Jaden Smith tweets while Kyle is gone? Oh, I completely forgot about this. Oh, they're so funny. You think you get it. You don't.

You don't. You don't! Exclamation points. Do you see this? I don't know if you see this because you're a bit older to the point, not even like an older joke of saying that you don't get it, but you weren't around when Twitter was around. So I can see myself at a younger age making stupid comments and silly self-congratulatory things like this.

Did you ever have a time in your life where you can empathize with any of this like oh i remember when i was that pretentious and that you know overwhelmingly knowledgeable that i understood everything no but i can see it in you not current you but if i watch your videos from like three years ago where you you kind of had some know-it-all commentaries about parenting and like how to raise kids properly and what was right and wrong in terms of philosophies. You knew it all at a young age. Oh, I knew everything. I was a little different. You know what was dominating my young life in athletics in particular? Surfing. It was surfing, I'll just say it. I was pretty good.

I wasn't great, I don't want to lie about my accomplishments, but I won local competitions quite a bit. I was good enough in that companies gave me free surfboards, wetsuits, clothing, shoes, suntan lotion, eyeglasses. I had so many freaking sponsors just like getting me goods and stuff so that I would wear it because I was supposed to like they would look at my competition results and think that I was a trendsetter in the area anyway um so that was that but like the locals like the people who I sort of considered

my friends would put me down so frequently, I was really trying to be humble so that I wasn't getting attention and getting put down. And people would say that I thought I was so good, although there was no quote to back that up. And so, yeah, young me wouldn't have been on Twitter talking about how profound I am. Young me would have been trying to play down my accomplishments so as not to

get picked on. See, I don't know about that because I feel like everyone who's older than the Twitter era would say that. Like I know you probably would because you know your shit, but you can't, you know, fully know unless you were alive in the time to do it.

And I am a hundred percent able to agree with you that if you go back and listen to my videos from 2010 to 2011, 2012, probably even some eking into 2013, I'm just a fucking cunt who thinks I know everything. And it's just like, oh, you think you have two kids and a mortgage and shit? Well, let me as a college student tell you how to live your life.

Plan things. Like, it's so condescending and useless i'm gonna leave those videos up just i can go back and cringe like when i watch those i cringe so hard my teeth grate against each other you made one about how parents should be meaner to their children that they just create these like soft kids and they need to like harsh harshen up and and you know show them the real world at home i remember that yeah it was on it was modern warfare 2 the one with the subways was it called underground that map i forget i i don't remember what game play i used i have no idea yeah and i was like i i kind of disagreed now now obviously you can go too far as a parent and be like ridiculously over-encouraging and celebrate non-accomplishments.

But I kind of feel like the world beats down kids pretty well, and it's not so bad to have a safe place at home. No, and I agree with you now, but I can still remember your comment comment and you made a tweet about it or something and i went and watched your video responding to it or responding in part to the idea and not directly i certainly didn't tear you down or anything oh no no no no but you i remember just being like oh he doesn't even know and just thinking that. And looking back, it's like Woody had fucking two children at that time. He fucking knows what he's talking about. Not always. I just go back and I cringe so hard.

That's a useful life lesson. So I know that the Coast Guard has you going out a lot in the next couple months, but do you think you're going to be able to get some free time on July 12th to play some paintball? Is Coast Guard our code for SEAL Team 6, Merka's actual job? Woody! See, I was just believable enough that all Taylor had to do there was be like, yeah, we're going out on patrol again. Ah, I don't know.

Fuck, I ruined it. I'm sorry. I got a lot of semen to be. So, I don't know. You said July 12th? Yeah, that's the day of it. So you probably need like a three or four day, like a three day block, I think.

I don't know if it's a 24 hour or 48 hour. I should probably confirm that. But I think it's just a 24 hour one day scenario game. I don't know that for sure yet, though. So you probably need two or three days. I should probably confirm that. I think it's just a 24 hour one day scenario game. I don't know that for sure yet though. So you probably need two or three days. Same area, Joliet? Yeah, right there. Not Joliet. It's north of Joliet.

Substantially actually. What's it? Naperville maybe? Something like that. I could look it up. Still round about Chicago so it wouldn't matter. I'd fly into O'Hare. I'll work on that. Yeah, we'd all get a car. I'll work on that. Absolutely.

Yeah. So you really just need the time. Yeah, that would be fun. I just think that would be a lot of fun. Yeah, I got you a gun and everything. Ooh. I got a bunch of guns now. I just bought a whole new pack, actually.

I got a whole setup to hold. It's not that many. I got a thing that set up to hold. It's not that many. I got a thing that will hold four pods on my back and my air tank because I want the air tank on my back so that I'm not carrying around as much on my arms. If people want to know where it is, it's East Dundee, Illinois. East Dundee. And their website is

pbbomb.com I wonder if paintball explosion was taken or if they just preferred the shorter one. But PBbomb.com is their thing. It's hard to say. East Dundee, Illinois. Yeah. Sorry.

But when you really think about it, when the first animal went extinct, that should have been a sign. That what? August the 12th, 2014. James Smith. What the fuck is he even talking about? that what august 12 2014 what the fuck is he even talking about like the first animal ever to go extinct like there's been millions the trillion trillions maybe oh that guy's such a fucking idiot he's a he's a kid and

and i heard will smith talking about him on the howard stern show and and he was like ah i'm just so proud of my son you know he's a kid, but he's like a little philosopher. And I'm just like, do you really believe that? Because your kid's an idiot. He's just talking out of his ass because he's got too many eyes on him. I'm glad that our distance makes us witness ourselves from a different entrance. Wow. I don't know what that means.

Well, what entrance do we witness ourselves from? He's walking out of his ass, so. Yeah. Anyone born on this planet should have a planetary citizenship enabling them to freely explore their home. Every seven years, your body is completely replaced with entirely new cells. So just because you look the same doesn't mean you are. Oh, exactly.

Just like the way every 70 years every member of the government is replaced. Is it even the same government? Who fucking knows? It's not even the same thing. Every 70 years? Is that a true thing? No, I made that up just now.

That does seem too long. I just figured 70 years is long enough. Probably even like 30 years. I was going to say 25, 30 years seems like the longest tenure you'd find anywhere. Some of those justices hang in there for a long time, the Supreme Court justices, because it is a lifelong term. You're right, but a lot of times they get in at 50 or 60. Yeah, that's a good idea too.

I just feel like most of those justices are old as shit you could put a 25 year old in there and maybe he'd be like new and progressive but you might not want him 50 years from now yeah right he's gonna really change let's keep these guys on a short biological chain let's get them in there when they're in late 60s early 70s you got a few more good years before the alzheimer takes them but if they get a little weird on you you could always use that as a wild card on them well yeah and hopefully those justices already know that you can discover everything you need to know about everything by looking at your hands may 10th 2014 did you see the uh the white house uh the press dinner

or whatever it's called where you know they called, where they have a few comedians go up and do a few bits. I hope I don't ruin this, but the one lady comic said to Obama something along the lines of, your approval ratings are at 48%, your gray hair is around 85%, and everybody laughed. She was like, seriously though, your hair is so white, at this point it can talk back to the police. It was pretty good. and she was like, seriously though, your hair's so white, at this point it can talk back to the police. Ah. It was pretty good.

There was a joke about the Secret Service, something along the lines of they're the only law enforcement that gets in trouble if a black man gets shot or something like that. Yes. I thought it was pretty good. Lots of good. Oh my God, I almost forgot.

I can't believe I forgot about this. Oh, this is the coolest thing out of the whole thing. Are you familiar with Key and Peele? Ah, yes. And I know this kid. The two black comics who do the bits for Comedy Central. Oh, yeah. I know who they are.

Have you seen their bit where one of them impersonates Obama and the other one portrays Luther, Obama's anger translator? He says the things that Obama thinks and Obama will make a point, but he'll make it very eloquently. And then Luther will take over, and Luther's wearing all these gold rings, and he's yelling, and he's angry, and he's saying all the things that Obama's probably feeling, but he can't say out loud. Have you seen... So now that you follow me, we need to watch a video, and I promise this is going to... I'd love to. This is going to pay off. I can't believe I've shown this to everyone but you guys. There's a link.

Let me see what you got, because I'm not sure if you got the one we want yes all right what is it I want to hear your frustration before we begin you know no it wasn't frustration it was just more nonsense about Jaden Smith's tweets I just I refuse to believe this is all from him. This can't be. This has to be the most narcissistic human in human history. Like, no one can think this highly of him. Dude, it ends well.

Did you read the second to last one? I would bet you $5,000 that here's the deal. Will Smith and Jada want their kids to be stars. They've hired people to help with that. They've got marketing firms. They've got guys whose jobs are things like, yeah, we'll handle his Twitter and his social media. We're going to give him a stylist.

There was a whole plan for making that kid a star. And part of it, a small part, is some asshole writing that stuff on his Twitter. I had a thought. You know what would be awesome? They hired XJaws as his social media coach, right? And now XJaws is just tweeting ridiculous crazy shit. The same shit that you find in his videos.

I just want to see Jaden Smith be like, yeah, fluoride in our water is fucking up everyone. The government is... Also, he capitalizes the first word always. The first letter of every word is fucking capitalized and that

drives me crazy for pages and yeah everybody to zero it says yep okay yeah I'm cute all right two one play you know I often joke about tensions between me and the press but honestly what they say doesn't bother me. I understand we've got an adversarial system. I'm a mellow sort of guy. And that's why I invited Luther, my anger translator, to join me here tonight. Look at Obama, that's the best part. And that chick's tits. Hold on to your lily white butts.

In our fast changing world, traditions like the White House Correspondents' Dinner are important. I mean, really? What is this dinner? traditions like the White House Correspondents Dinner are important. I mean, really? What is this dinner? And why am I required to come to it? Jeb Bush, do you really want to do this? Because despite our differences,

we count on the press to shed light on the most important issues of the day. And we can count on Fox News to terrify old white people with synopsis. Sharia law is coming to Cleveland right from the damn hills. Y'all is ridiculous. We won't always see eye to eye. Oh, and CNN, thank you so much for the wall-to-wall Ebola coverage. For two whole weeks, we were one step away from the walking dead.

And then you all got up and just moved on to the next day. That was awesome. Oh, and by the way, just if you haven't noticed, you don't have Ebola. Good point. But I still deeply appreciate the work that you do. Y'all remember when I had that big old hole hole in the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico and then I plucked it?

Remember that? Which Obama's Katrina was that one? Was that 19 or was it 20 because I came around and came around and bought it? Protecting our democracy is more important than ever. For example, the Supreme Court ruled that the donor who gave Ted Cruz $6 million was just exercising free speech. Yeah, it's the kind of speech like this. I just wasted $6 million. On Ted Cruz, he's right.

Hillary will have to raise huge sums of money too. Oh, yeah. She gonna get that money. after age use sums of money to see is coming to Western I said, watch out! Woo! The nonstop focus on billionaire donors creates real problems for our democracy. And that's why we're running for a third term! No, we're not. We're not? Who the hell said that?

But we do need to stay focused on some big challenges, like climate change. Hey, listen, y'all, if haven't noticed california is bone dry it looked like a trailer for the new mad max movie up in there y'all think that bradley cooper came here because he wants to talk to chuck todd he needed a glass of water come on the science is clear. The science is clear. Nine out of the ten hottest years ever came in the last decade. Now, I'm not a scientist,

but I do know how to count to ten. Rising seas, more violent storms. You got mosquitoes, sweaty people on the train stinking it up. It's just nasty. I mean, look at what's happening right now. Every serious scientist says we need to act. The Pentagon says it's a national security risk. Miami floods on a sunny day and instead of doing anything about it, we've got elected officials throwing snowballs in the Senate it is crazy what about our kids

what kind of stupid short-sighted irresponsible What? All due respect, sir, you don't need an anger translator. You need a counselor. That's pretty much it. Yeah. I thought that was good.

I thought Obama was pretty fun, too. Yeah, Obama did a good job. I thought Obama was pretty fun Yeah, Obama did a good job Obama did a good job in fairness I feel like they all do a pretty good job when they're set up Well, like it you can't be president United States unless you're pretty darn charismatic George Bush who people who know I'm not a big fan of and he's one of the worst presidents in the NC It's really funny. He does a good job at this. You know like George Bush is bad leader Charismatic guys. He should go in a stand-up after this. You know, like George Bush is a bad leader. He's a charismatic guy. You're like, oh, he should go in a stand-up after this. I'd watch that special.

I want an hour of Bush. Give me that. You'd be like, all fussing. Okay, taking us to war, lying about it. Don't want our next warning sign to be a mushroom cloud, et cetera, et cetera, over New York. But whole horseshit aside, he., etc., over New York. But, um, Hall Horseshit aside, he does well. He's funny. You can't get the job unless you're charismatic.

Yeah. Well, I don't know. There's been... Dick Cheney. He didn't get the job. Well, Dick Cheney never got the job. He was never the president. Oh, that's what you think. Yeah, maybe not the president, but...

There was a big thing about him the vice president just kind of rides the president's ticket unless there's someone of like a different ethnicity or gender the only time they're relevant is then didn't it used to be the case that the vice president was

the loser of the primary election why don't we do that again? That seems like a great idea. Because you would have an enemy on your staff. I feel like the country would be the winner, right? I don't know. Let's say, for example, that the president was Obama

and the vice president right now was McCain. And it was like, is that right who who did obama beat most recently no romney romney yeah yeah you're right you're right romney mccain was before him so if the vp if his last it's hard to say because what would you do in that case well because obama is on his second term the first time obama beat mccain so that would mean mccain was his first term vp So what happens when Obama runs for his second term and it's the Obama-McCain

second term? You get McCain in there. Sorry, it's a tough office to hold, VP. What happens to Romney? He still doesn't get the job even though he's in second place because McCain already has it. No one ran for VP. One-wife limit. Otherwise you're disqualified can't wait wait one wife limit disqualifies romney it was a mormon joke

because he's a mormon isn't he yeah but he's like the only republican with one rife one way like he ran against newt gingrich he's got a couple of wives in there he ran against mccain mccain's got a couple wives in there um yeah not his first one he's got this red-headed wife who's like a trophy wife yeah his wife is smoking hot like like oh my god old you know not so look good looking guy and she rolls out like she's a movie star she's gorgeous it's it's funny every uh what are you thinking of he's thinking of dennis kucinich He's gorgeous. It's funny. What were you thinking of? He's thinking of Dennis Kucinich.

That sounds right. This is the kind of shit I know. I'm thinking back to the debates from maybe eight years ago or something. Who is this guy Bernie Sanders that people suddenly

give two fucks about? Bernie Sanders is a Democrat. He's incredibly left. Democrats have been unhappy that our last couple, last couple Democrats that went in have been, like, Clinton, for example, Obama. These people are politically aligned with, like, a Reagan. Like, the entire spectrum has shifted toward the right

so that popular Democrats now like Obama and, and Clinton are kind of where like Reagan was earlier. And, but Bernie Sanders is not Bernie Sanders is left of any of those guys. He's practically socialist and the people who are politically aligned so far to that extreme are really excited about him. Hmm. Hmm. Well, there's a picture there um she and yeah that's not her greatest picture but she's really pretty if you see her moving and and such then uh like she's just graceful yeah she is pretty

her head looks like a trapezoid in this picture. God, I'm showing Google Images on the stream, and you never know when you get a naked woman. Turn your safe search on. I think it might be. Anyway, she's really pretty. And she's not 19 anymore, but she looks like she could have been a model at one point. She so tall and like she's got that figure yeah definitely so yeah and dennis kucinich looks like he's short

he looks like he might have been a jockey when he was younger not a good one did you see that video of that jockey's pants fell down to his ankles and you know they have to ride like so they have to write if you're not familiar with like horse racing they don't sit in the saddle they stand all the way up leaning forward into this thing in this in this position which is kind of like bending over and bending your knees at the same time it's doggy style his pants fall to his ankles and he's bare-assed riding the horse and he can't do anything about it it's pretty hilarious why do his pants fall down you'd think with your knees spread like that,

your pants wouldn't fall down. I don't know what kind of riding pants he was wearing, but his pants fell down to his ankles and he was bare-ass riding down the home stretch. It was pretty great. If I know anything about pants removal, you've got to get your knees together. Agreed.

That's how it goes. You've got to get her to a secluded area you gotta make sure what is it the drug roofies no pretend like you don't know Kyle let me see your knife I want to do a knife off do you have it with you yes i do i have handy i have my uh my sog night knife with the uh trusty six leds in it because i'm really handy if you need to do some stabbing at night yeah and i've got my crkt uh deviation blade uh which i don't know if these are out yet this is a special one they got to me early. Oh, wow. How much is that?

A couple hundred bucks, I think. I honestly don't. Wow. It's like you're deviating from a reasonably priced knife. I'm deviating to a high quality

craftsman's blade. What's your everyday carry now? I think that would be held by a Power Ranger. Do you blade. What's your everyday carry now? I think that would be held by a Power Ranger. Do you not want to say your everyday carry because you get knives left and right from sponsors? No, I've got that orange Kershaw knife that stays in my jacket, but it's starting to become summertime now,

so I don't wear the jacket as much. It's more of a pocket knife situation. I don't mind the heavy one because I put this little clip in my belt loop. This is a very heavy knife I would say. It probably weighs two or three times as much as yours. I have one in my class.

It sounds pretty hardy. It is. Hungry man me. This thing, also CRKT. The CRKT it says on here. Drifter. The CRKT it says on here Drifter the CRKT Drifter was my everyday knife

it only lasted for a couple of weeks if I'm honest it worked great but I have a preference for a smaller knife I felt like every time I reached in for my keys and stuff it got to be a big mess in there you need a utility belt like Batman

I'm kind of more stealth oriented like i don't know if i want it on my belt no one's more stealth oriented the bat more stealth oriented yeah like you're a character in skyrim it's true though like i i don't like my stuff showing like my gun in a pocket not strapped not no like it's in a holster because I like the trigger covered, but I like it all the way in a pocket when I carry. Knife also all the way in a pocket, like fully. But this thing, I just felt like it was a little big and heavy.

It's nice and it worked great for all my little tasks. But now I'm carrying this guy, which is a Kershaw Chive, I think. And it's super small and it opens like that so it's i don't know put my hand for comparison but uh i don't know i'm kind of like do you like the the spring assist on the kershaws i do i like that a lot'm torn. So this one is a little harder to open. There's like a little thumb thing. You stick it there and you do that. And it's cool, but it shuts nicely. This one opens really easy.

You just like touch the back and it springs up. Yeah, those are great. But you pay for it on the close. Like here, there's all this like reloading the spring. I sit and play with it all the time and and lock and unlock it with one hand uh-huh it doesn't bother me this one is complete it's kind of in the middle it's got a thing up here that you kind of can't leave her down and there's no spring assist but if you do it with a little speed

it'll uh it'll work it's got the same locking mechanism so well wouldn't you want it with the spring assist that's what seems great about those style of knives is the spring assist i like the spring assist i uh my buddy had an hk knife the other day which is one of those where you like slide a thing on the top and the blade shoot the blade shoots in and out that seemed pretty handy i carried a butterfly knife for a little bit because i'm not like in a like a people i forget what they call themselves like greaser there are people they might call themselves tossers but i'm pretty sure that's not it they don't call themselves the tossers but i don't think they carry knives and you don't want to be a part of that people

who can spit maybe spinners i forget but um if a butterfly knife if you don't think they carry knives and you don't want to be a part of that group. People who can spin, maybe spinners, I forget. But if a butterfly knife, if you don't know, is the one where you like flip it and whatever. And I know how to do that. So I bought a butterfly knife and I was like, ah, cool. I'll just whip it up from my pocket and it'll be ready to go. The problem was that the little thing at the bottom, it was like hard to get in and out. So I couldn't easily do it one handed. I almost had to like free it and then I could do my trick to open the knife out so i couldn't easily do it one-handed i almost had to like

free it and then i could do my trick to open the knife and i didn't like that i eventually lost it at the airport i've told that story before so uh so yeah so now i'm now i'm working this is my smallest knife i think it's as small as i want it to be i uh i didn't carry pocket knives until just recently until like a month or two ago. And now I'm like, I thought it was like, what are you trying to be a gangster? Are you trying to act like you need a knife in all situations, et cetera, grr. You do need a knife in all situations.

So much of our day-to-day life is all armored. I bought some Flonase, like allergy nose spray. I couldn't get into the fucking package. I needed a knife. Dude, you're nose spray I couldn't get into the fucking package I needed a knife dude you like it in I used my knife like six times a day now every Amazon but sometimes I could get away with a key on stuff like opening boxes but knives are better other times like you mentioned that the clamshell packaging I fix sighting on my in the my last day in the life video I fix sighting on the house and the caulk is all like you need a knife to open it up. I got in a knife fight with two hobos last week.

You absolutely didn't. There is no way you did. There's no way to have a knife fight if you're not carrying one. I like cheap knives because I am happier to abuse them. Like if I need to turn a screw or something, and it's a $25 knife, that's cool. I'll just sharpen it up. But if I had like a $250 knife, I might treat it differently.

I've hacked at stuff with that Kershaw knife. And the blade's all chipped up on it. But I just kept sharpening it until the chips were gone. I like that blade. The Kershaw. It's the perfect size. I like that it's orange. It's easy for me to find.

And it fits in my pocket well, but it's too hot for me to wear that jacket. It doesn't fit in my pocket. I don't like wearing one in my pants pocket. Honestly, it looks like Woody's size of knife makes the most sense to carry around because you're not going to be some fucking Jedi slicing up no-good Knicks when they assault you. That's what you need for functional projects.

You're screwing a screw-up. It depends what your projects consist of. My dad does stuff on a day-to-day basis where he might need a medium. He doesn't need a machete or anything, but he might need a full-size knife. I rarely do anything that doesn't require anything more than, if I was a girl, I'd just have a long fingernail and that would be enough most of the time.

Cocaine you're talking about? Yeah, yeah, yeah, cocaine. It's mostly opening boxes from Amazon packages and stuff and opening bags. When we play paintball, I'm constantly having to open bags of paint. And I go through three cases of paint this weekend. And every one of them, if you don't have a knife, is like, ah. It's so much nicer to slice it open evenly. And everything's nice with a knife.

And now that I have a knife all the time, the other people in my family will be like, hey, I need a knife in this situation. And they have me handle it for them, which steps up my knife duties even more. Hope will have something that needs opening or turning or poking. Colin has me open his chocolate milk. I'm like, yeah, I got this. Poke a hole in the top.

What kind of chocolate milk? From Wendy's, the chocolate has like a foil top on it and the foil top is like curiously strong like it'll break your straw and uh so you can poke it with keys which works fine i wish i had some chocolate milk but i like to use my knife i'm like i got this i got a chocolate milk solution right here there's a few like so at some point i became an adult and uh and i When you weren't looking? Yeah. Like, ah, I didn't mean it to happen, but damn it.

And like kind of as an adult who's like out on your own and stuff, like there's certain things that I just would never buy. And one of them is like chocolate syrup. So I haven't had chocolate milk in like 10 fucking years or something. I don't even remember the last time I had chocolate milk because I just don't have any chocolate syrup or powder. We have that. We stock chocolate syrup. See, that seems like the sort of thing that I'm adding like three pounds to myself

this year just by introducing chocolate milk to my diet. I think it's good that I don't have any Kool-Aid or Jell-O either. There was a time when Colin really had a strong preference for chocolate milk and we're like, whatever. at least it's milkish. It's in school, you know, every day, you know, you get a carton of milk and I would, that regular milk, especially that school milk tasted awful. I see pictures on Reddit of people's school lunches every now and then and sometimes they're just deplorable. What was the lunch like at your school? Awful.

It was terrible. like at your school awful it was like really awful or like that's not so great like would you have today think of it as awful not really awful like it wasn't like complete unidentifiable slop but yeah i remember we would look forward to like chicken nugget day and then me of today would be like those were some just dry ass crappy chicken nuggets um yeah everyone loved pizza day for some reason i never thought the pizza it was this huge giant rectangle of pizza and it wasn't and they would douse it in ranch dressing that's what everyone did and it just wasn't very good um but i remember like the veggies and uh like especially thanksgiving when they did like turkey dressing and gravy and mashed potatoes and stuff.

That was always pretty good. You went to school on Thanksgiving? It sucks. Well, they did a Thanksgiving. Yeah, you're right. Lunch date that week on the last day or something. It actually wasn't that bad now that I think back. But I've seen, like I said pictures on reddit of just really

awful lunches like the kind that you've that you need to like get someone involved like we need to call the health department about eating the kids over here in wabak county um yeah mess kind of check oh taylor can we say what he just wrote? Yeah, I don't see why not. Taylor left to check and see if his girlfriend was working on a woody dick. Yeah. And it appears they got distracted. He's still gone. Well, perhaps she's putting the finishing touches on the woody dick. Maybe he's giving her some insight into your personality, your mindset,

so that she can inject that into her artwork. He'll be like, hey, baby, there's a freckle right here on the side. Yeah. Yeah. That would make sense. All right. Maybe we'll get a woody dick out of this. Let's see.

Pika ate topics. You talk about food. I'm so goddamn hungry right now. That's all I can think about i have a bad joke all right let's hear it i don't think we got it in them pk i know right i think we've been slacking we'll get it right here oh pk and by the way i want to do a patreon thing let people know if a lesbian cock blocks another lesbian is it considered a beaver dam oh i like it i like it dude so patreon if you guys aren't familiar with this

there'll be a like link and annotation on the right um there's a bunch of different patreon benefits you can get what is the at the cheapest level i think you do you get the show early yeah i think for like five dollars you get we really should have in front of us um let's make that happen i feel like the ten dollar thing is the way to go because then you get access to pkn in video form up to date shooting like i don't know it's yeah so at three dollars it's kind of just a thank you what you get is you get like a patreon only activity feed you see who the guest was the list list of topics, stuff like that. At $5 on the Patreon thing, and this is a monthly thing and you can cancel it whenever you want. When you sign up,

you don't get billed until the end of the month. And then at any time you want, you can get it out. So it's not like you're signed up for years or life or whatever. You're just committing five bucks. So anyway, at $5 dollars a month you get this pka episode early we typically record thursday and i stay up late on thursday night to get it like uploaded and stuff so on thursday night you'll get access to the show and you get to see it before everyone else if you're involved in the subreddit it's kind of cool because you know stuff no one else knows and and you're in on the deal at ten $10, you get Painkiller nearly early. And in video format, you get to see us.

Right. And sometimes we'll, oftentimes we've done like really video intensive things. Like I'll be flying the drone around or playing with stuff or I don't know. We've done a lot of visually intensive stuff on PKN. It's better to see it than hear it. I want to say that the potato gun was first broken out on PKN. Ah, yeah, that's right. So PKN, you get it in video form, whereas other people get it in audio and it's a week delayed.

PKN is really kind of a, I don't know. It's mostly just Kyle and I and sometimes Ventriloquist Taylor. I'm about to be a much more regular member of PKN. So you want to definitely check that out. Absolutely. So it's an hour long thing that we do on Tuesday. And typically the Patreons get it immediately on Tuesday. Whereas I think it's meant to be a week delayed on.

It is a week delayed. Yeah. But sometimes in the subreddit, I hear that the non-paying people aren't getting it as reliably. I'll have to look into that. But anyway, for $10 a month, you get, of course, the $3, the $5, and the $10 benefits. Well, those non-payers won't have anything to complain about if they just chop up $10 a month. Like, come on. And yeah, so the Patreon thing, there'll be links in the description on the side.

You guys can check that out. But you get access to more shows and more stuff, and we appreciate what you do for us. And hey, you could be a fucking baller, drop 500 bucks, and come play some video games with us like that guy did last month. Yeah. Yeah, we actually brought him onto my live stream, too, and just kept playing with him, which turned out pretty well. I think he had his own stream, and he made videos and stuff, so I think it might have been a bit of advertising for him, too. So it worked out nicely for everyone.

Yeah, I hope it turned into a win-win for him. It makes him happy. Yeah. So, very cool stuff. Do you guys have any topics? Can you help me? Let's see what we got. Well, I'm just so

gotcha. I'm just still enjoying all of these G Smith tweets. By the way, Kyle, okay, today, literally today, before the show, I was like, I'm so hungry. I don't have much in the house to eat. I'm going to go to Taco Bell

and get something to eat and you know what i did i pulled into the taco bell drive-thru line i got to the place where you order i scoured the menu for anything that looked decent and then i told the person, no thank you, I don't want anything. And then I drove through and went to a different place. Fuck Taco Bell. Where did you go? No. Where did you go?

Tell us where you went. Tell us where you went. What does that matter? What kind of food did you replace Taco Bell with? Oh, oh, oh, I thought you were going to be like, what Taco Bell did you go to? Oh, in Boise. Yeah, that's not the one you want. Yeah, exactly. What did you substitute Taco Bell with?

I went to a local fast food place that served burritos, tacos, really good food. And I went there. Yeah, no shit. Of course that's Taco Bell. But the reason I went. Mexican burritos. I'd much rather go to Moe's. Moe's? Yeah, Moe's? Are you shitting me?

They're just as good as Chipotle. They're just as good as Chipotle. I think Moe's and Chipotle are comparable. I think Chipotle is better than Moe's and Moe's and Chipotle are both beneath Qdoba because Qdoba has way better queso. Qdoba, I like

their... Are you on my team, Woody? Yeah, Chicken Gumbo at Qdoba. That's the only thing I've tried there. I feel like I went to Qdoba. I got chicken gumbo. I won. Why roll the dice? If you roll a six-sided die and you get a six,

you fucking stick, baby. Have you guys ever driven through a drive-thru and had to stop at the second window and realize that you're the person who got nothing and just look at the person and kind of well the person's leaving it was uncomfortable if i went to taco bell that would happen to me too yes you fools all right so but for you too and everyone listening it's what you do at taco bell if you want something that's that's that's not ridiculous and is tasty,

you either get a number two, which is an extra, extra large grilled stuffed burrito. I like the chicken one. It's a chicken grilled stuffed burrito. There's rice. It's not as good as – shut up. Shut up. It's delicious. He's not even talking.

He's shaking his head. You get that or you get the Doritos Locos Tacos, the ones that use the Doritos Chips as the you know the taco shell get one of each there's a combo that comes with three of those motherfuckers So just get you know fire cool ranch and nacho cheese Do one of those and get them supreme you can't go wrong with either of those options. They're delicious My mouth is watering let me see if I know you can absolutely go wrong because when you order anything Let me see if I can get to Taco Bell. You can absolutely go wrong.

Because when you order anything Supreme at Taco Bell, that means, do you want all the ingredients included in this? Or do you just want a huge, heaping shit pile of sour cream on this? And that's what they mean by Supreme. That's the only difference. It's a big shit pile of sour cream on what you're eating. It's disgusting. Go to somewhere local. Doesn't even even have tacos. Pull through, look at

the menu, realize it's horse shit, and then go somewhere else. That's what I did and I won't regret it. I'm not going to have diarrhea later tonight. Do you want to know why Taco Bell is currently the most successful fast food chain out there, growing faster than anybody else? I bet that's not true.

No, we're not going to glaze over this, Kyle. It is absolutely not the most successful fast food chain out there. Absolutely not. McDonald's. McDonald's is losing business. I'll get you an article. Here we go. Okay, let's look at this.

This is what's happening. Is McDonald's losing business? Let's say they're up here with their business and Taco Bell gaining business. It's like this. They're going like that. That's pretty effective. McDonald's is way ahead of Taco Bell and to say otherwise is willfully ignorant.

The fastest growing fast food restaurant change, I have it. It is Subway. The next fastest is Dunkin' Donuts. The next fastest is Starbucks. After that, it is... I don't know this one. What's JJ? Jimmy John's. After that, it's Little Caesars.

After that, it's Chipotle. After that, it's Popeyes. After that, it's Panera. And then 10th is McDonald's. Taco Bell's parent company, Yum Brand, said the chain sales rose 6% during the period in which... Let's see. Okay, they rose 6%.

At the same time, Chipotle, who's right there in the top five or something, their sales rose 10%. McDonald's, meanwhile... I'm trying to see how many stores they closed. No, that doesn't count. A 6% growth for Taco Bell does not count against a slight decrease in McDonald's because they have fucking a million stores, McDonald's does.

Okay, so they got a million stores and they dropped 2.6% of them. That doesn't sound good. No, it doesn't, but it still leaps in bounds ahead of Taco Bell, who just feeds you the same four ingredients in different combinations and gets you to buy it. I have it, by the way. I have the 2015

numbers. I upped my game. And the fastest growing is Subway, then Dunkin' Donuts, then Cruise Planners, I don't know. I'm interested. Jimmy John's, Vanguard Cleaning Systems. This is a fucking whatever.

Then, wait, what is this? Fastest growing franchises. I'm sorry. So it's not just food. That's why. Six is Great Clips, but seven is Taco Bell. So if you just go... Actually, number five, if we take out that cleaning service.

Subway, Dunkin' Donuts, maybe even better. Jimmy John's, that's three. They're actually number four in my head, if you take out the non-food ones. Okay. Well, that's fair. I mean, Jimmy John's sucks as well. And by the way...

Jimmy John's is horrific. Number five would have been McDonald's. So, yeah. McDonald's is better than Taco Bell. Oh, that's just, you're a fool. No way. No. You're a fool. McDonald's is the bottom

of the barrel. Taco Bell is completely different. Everything else is burger joints, basically. Burgers and fries. Burgers and fries. Taco Bell is one of the few that's a whole different thing. It's a fast. It's not a... So there's a bunch... Everything else is burger joints, basically. Burgers and fries, burgers and fries. Taco Bell is one of the few that's like a whole different thing. It's a fast food Mexican place. And granted, it's not real Mexican food. It's just... It's refried beans, cheese, a couple different sauces, and, you know, a few meats.

That's about it. They got sour cream and guacamole. It's just a big... Like you said, it's the same four ingredients, and they just wrap them up different ways, but it's delicious. Big pile of diarrhea. And it's not to i just i just don't like products where people just masturbate over it like it's the best thing ever like oh my god taco bell oh my god sriracha oh my god the whopper or the people don't even like taco bell is because they're trendy and

because they've got a social media presence and And they seem to appeal to, you know, the sort of a stoner lifestyle with like their Dorito tacos. And they do all kind of 420 stuff. If anyone from Taco Bell is listening to this or if anyone can reach out to Taco Bell, I have a new menu item I'd like to put forward. It's called the Potatoes Belgrande. Okay? It's like the Nachos Belgrande. the potatoes bel grande okay it's like the nachos bel grande but instead i want you to take those potatoes from the cheesy fiesta potatoes and i want you to incorporate those into and take all the nacho chips out of the nachos bel grande replace them with a pile of those potatoes

and put all that other stuff on top the refried beans the the sour cream the chopped green onion i like that k Kyle followed the Taco Bell model of never introducing a new ingredient. Exactly. We will take the six things we use and everything. That's why it's so cheap.

You showed us this last week, Kyle. That was disgusting. That was gross. The next pizza. That's what that was. The thing I was just eating? No, the thing you were eating before the show. Just that big pile of nonsense with a bunch of fake cheese drizzled on it.

It is absolutely not real cheese. It's cheesy. It's yellow. It's cheesy. I don't care. I didn't even care when they told me that it wasn't even like enough percentage real beef to be considered real beef in certain places. I don't care because it tastes good.

That meat plus whatever else they add in is good. I don't care that it's not 100% meat. It's never 100% meat. There's, you know, mix-ins and spices. A lot of places. A little booty in there, a little toenail. It's 100% meat. It's never 100% meat. There's mix-ins and spices and a lot of places. A lot of places it's 100% meat. A lot of places have 100% meat. Taco Bell

is serving retired circus animals and sawdust. It's horrific. That's absolutely not even... There goes our sponsorship. No. Maybe I could get a Taco Bell sponsorship. Dude, Taco Bell.

I'm going to get them. Next time I go to Taco Bell, I'm just going to talk them through it. I'm going to be like, look, those potatoes there, and then I'm going to tell them how to make a potatoes pograni, and I'll take a picture of it. Taco Bell should sponsor us because I swear to God, if they did, all of us would be like, all three of us, this is good. I fucking love Taco Bell.

Yeah. Change me and Woody's mind. Change our mind. That is accomplished with cash, by the way. Yes, exactly. I'm sending my girl. She's like, what do you want? She's like, I said, potatoes, Belgrande. She knows what they are.

I've described them to her before. Yeah, she's here. Do you think she's like but i said potatoes bel grande she knows what they are right now i've described them to her before yeah she's here she's do you think she'll make it happen the beast she's going yeah i'm getting the house right now but she's going to taco bell shortly i thought you meant she was already there what are you ordering tonight like what is your grande but i'm just gonna i don't know i usually like make a list. It's similar to what you saw me with the other day. I picked one of a dozen menu items that I like. First of all, I don't go off the dollar menu there because the dollar menu at every restaurant is a lower grade of food. I know you guys keep talking about how low grade Taco Bell food is already,

so you can't even imagine. The meat that they use in the $1 grillers is substandard by my standards um it's it's just like if you get the mick chicken sandwich mcdonald's versus the the chicken uh the the better chicken sandwich the one with bacon and shit on it it's it's lower grade meat yeah it's piss poor yeah it it's it's not good at all uh so i don't know i like the mexican pizza i like the nachos bel grande. I like the chicken grilled stuff burrito. I like the Crunchwrap Supreme.

They used to have a special version of it that I like more. There's a lot of lettuce in this one. I don't need all that. What am I, on a health craze or something? One thing I will say that two or three weeks ago, I went to a Taco Bell and I did get a crispy chicken quesadilla. It chicken uh quesadilla ah that's a new thing it's like it's

a quesadilla that has uh quasi fried chicken in it kind of fried more just you know crispy things put on the outside of chicken I thought it was decent but it also had no flavor unless you poured a fuck ton of fire sauce on it if you didn't put a bunch of sauce it was worthless i put a bunch of sauce on everything and i will say though that was a new menu item and i didn't like their crispy chicken they've got a new menu item called the double uh it's called a double quesadilla so double dia but it was really funny because the lady at the drive-thru she's black she's She's literally been serving me my Taco Bell as long as I can remember. When I was 25,

I totally was buying Taco Bell from this chick, and we both know it. She comes over to the menu. I'm like, do you still have the crunchy quesadilla? She's like, no. We got the double dilla, though. I'm like, yeah. Give me that double dilla.

Double dilla? Yeah, she called it a dilla. I was like, yeah, give me that double dilla. Double dilla? Yeah, she called it a dilla. And I was like, yeah, give me that double dilla. And it's pretty fucking good. So I like that. I like the double quesadilla they got now. Their quesadilla is really good. Is that your favorite fast food place

or do you have one that you like more? It depends. We've talked about this a lot before, but it's just like where do you draw the line on fast food? It depends. We've talked about this a lot before, but it's just like, where do you draw the line on fast food? Because I like Burger King's Whopper. I like the flame broiled thing. I like Wendy's spicy chicken sandwich.

I like McDonald's Big Mac, believe it or not. There's something everywhere. If you consider something like Five Guys Burgers and Fries fast food, that's some of the best food I've ever had. Those hamburgers and french fries. There's no drive-thrus for that, though. I just consider fast food drive fast food that's some of the best uh food i've ever had those hamburgers there's no drive-thrus for that though i just consider fast food drive do you have uh you have churches down there right church's chicken yeah it's okay church is the shit i like churches i like popeyes

yeah i'm not a big chicken fan i don't like fried chicken like chicken on the bone grosses yeah no bojangles they're They're down here. We call it Bow Time when we go there. There's a meal called Bow Time. And they get... I swear to God. Alright, so it's a big fucking cardboard box, bigger than I can do with my hands right now. And it's made

in the shape of one of those old school toolboxes so there's a handle on top and there's a spot for half a gallon of sweet tea to compartmentalize into it I'm not even kidding so here's what it's like 24 pieces of chicken

like 4 biscuits 2 sides I usually add a third side and a half a gallon of tea and I'll eat most of that I call it bow time by yourself? yeah I won't eat all the biscuits usually i want

to tell kyle and see what he really eats because to hear the tales of it when i like like every every other night or all right so maybe two or three nights a week i have an extravaganza of some kind i have a huge massive super unhealthy meal but I don't think I've eaten today. See, that's the thing. See, that's the thing. That's the balance. He's an overwhelmingly healthy guy 95% of the time. And so when people see him go on these feasts. I don't know if starving myself is healthy.

No, you are a healthy guy. Look at yourself. You're thin. You're in good shape. You can run around. You're healthy. And so when people see you feast on this nonsense and these disgusting, disgusting entrees

that you get from Taco Bell, they think, oh, why am I such a fat fuck? I eat the same things, but they're eating the same thing every day. You are skipping meals. You're busy with shit. So when you finally do get a meal, you buy a big feast,

and then you eat a bunch of it, and then you don't eat for 18 hours. You need to average an hour of workout a day throughout the week. It really is calories in and out. I eat really, really shitty stuff. It's physics. Last night, I ate half a gallon of ice cream. That's a lot.

It's gross. It's key lime pie ice cream the the containers in the trash right now it was so good i couldn't stop and that doesn't happen very often it's i love nobody else had any of it you didn't split it with anybody she had a bowl but how much how much do you think she ate i mean really uh an eighth of it how much is a half gallon of ice cream i don't know a bowl isn't an eighth of a half gallon i think it might be it's it's two pints right i know i know what i don't know if this were metric we might know this shit but it's not it's it's make two pints is a quart four quarts so i ate a quart of ice cream oh wait you ate a quart of ice cream a quart of

ice cream forgive me because a half gallon is that big wide thing yes yes i did not eat one of those by myself that's absurd like i don't i couldn't physically eat that it seems like a lot of ice cream yeah but i did eat a quart i ate a quart of that ice cream that it it's so fucking good it was like gary's or eddie's or it was eddie's yeah yeah it was eddie's um key lime pie ice cream it had bits of graham cracker graham cracker uh in there and like meringue and it was green i i have a new topic please um i i don't know is anyone here i've never had a threesome is anyone here comfortable admitting that they have had a threesome in their life or denying? Yeah, I've done that.

Alright, so this guy made a Reddit post that I was going to read and discuss. It's fairly long. All the things he's learned from over 15 threesome encounters. That's a lot. That's a 45-some. Yeah.

I'll take it. You count yourself 15 times, but I'll accept that. Otherwise, it's a 30-some. Still pretty admirable. All right. So this guy is 48 now, but I would assume that he started his threesome career earlier than that. I've met couples from 25 to early 60s who had a wide range of fetishes, domination, various role play, gangbang, bull, cook, buy stuff. And I learned from a Rhode Island couple on how to approach them. Their rules at first felt constricting, but in the short term, I learned that they helped me and enabled me to have a safer time. Rule number one, no matter what, everything that happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. If you don't want to be, and then it's blanked out, I guess, asshole. If you want to be taken seriously, you have to meet couples or run to a successful threesome.

That's the number one rule. I'm sorry, if you want to meet couples and run, the number one rule. Keep your mouth shut. To that end, I never save pics, forward pics. I'm solidly protective of these people's private info. Recently, a guy sent me pics of his wife and the next day was asking if i forwarded them or jerked to them i told him i'd already deleted them he was pissed the reason i do that rule number one plus if he's serious about meeting he'd forward them again there's so much free porn who needs to save pics two

go at a woman's pace guys not the guys another lesson from the great couple i met in the center encounter second encounter being pretty can i just interject and say this guy's seems to be giving the uh giving the details on a mfm threesome instead of a mff threesome or a m or an fmf oh so this guy's talking about a devil's threesome. He's jumping into a couple. Hold on. In number two rule, he specifically says MFM, MMF. So, you know, slash MMF.

I just didn't read it because it doesn't read well. But go at the woman's pace. Being pretty tantric myself, I was fine for me for her getting off, to focus on her getting off. She did, exclamation point, rather than me getting off because I almost on her getting off. She did! Rather than me getting off. Because I almost always go with married couples. It makes it, it was easier to make it special for her. Treat the encounter as a special moment, not a cheap one. Typo there. Rule number three, people to avoid. Anyone under 30. Hmm. Friends with benefits relationships. The reason the under 30 crowd

is bad for me is, well, I have skin in the game, job, reputation, etc. The under 30 crowd in many cases doesn't approach it with seriousness. They're careless about privacy and safety. They grow up with the internet and smartphones and think of it as something temporary. For the same reason I avoid the friends with benefits crowd is that I like sex by appointment. Usually one of the party is married and they just want it quick and no chance to get to know each other. They call you at the last minute or it's scheduled.

I make time for it. And then there's a cancellation. Seriously, don't waste your time with these types. Another reason married or long-term couple is better, they're less promiscuous. Rule number four, use instant message and then a phone chat and ask a ton of questions. I know that experienced people are better for

this than newbies. Why? Experienced people want everyone to have a good time. Noobs approach it with a million jitters. Not only do I ask the person contacting me if they have experience, I give my number early on to further verify. I know that giving out my number is risky, but I tell them, feel free to to further verify. I know that giving out my number is risky,

but I tell them, feel free to block your number. I rarely get someone going all the way. Instead, for all I know, the dude is jerking off to whatever we're talking about. I often ask the same question in a different way just to verify whatever is being said. A common problem you hear is that they're experienced when they're not. It's very awkward meeting a couple at the bar or room, and that is the first time you meet the woman. So what are you going to do?

Start a conversation? Jump right into bed? Hmm. Rule number. Yeah. That's what they want. This guy sounds like a dude who doesn't know what he's talking about, trying really hard to know what he's talking about.

You think? I think he might be. A lot of it sounds like common sense shit that people who are above 30 would be like, oh, of course, yeah, you want to stick with someone a little bit older, a little more mature. I feel like he's incredibly experienced, and when he says people over 30 only, I think, well, you're probably missing out on some good sex. Absolutely.

I'm telling you, you asked about threesomes to begin with, but this guy's something very different. He's a swinger. Yeah, he's sort of a swinger. Yeah, that's all it is. He's a swinger. It is important to talk with the other partner. The guy will say his wife's into it,

but if you haven't been able to verify that by phone or IM, then the sentence ends. The reason I want to chat with the other party in most cases is because it's just a waste of time. It's sex by appointment again. I'm sorry guys, but that feels cheap to me. Not every guy is such a horn dog that he'll drop everything in midday for some couples encounter.

If you want a decent person like me, I'll schedule it, shower, and drive there. And then they're willing to pay for a room too? Does feel more like a prostitute why lower yourself guys and i don't and you shouldn't either friends with benefits are a waste of time and effort meeting at a bar benefits are a waste of time and effort what the fuck is he talking about waste of time and effort the whole point of a friends with benefits situation is that you don't have to invest time or effort into it. You just text them and they show up. Or they text you and you show up.

There's not time. There's not effort. That's what a relationship is. I feel like if we're talking about getting two girls in a three-way, I feel like it's a lot more blown out of proportion than it is. There's only so many things you can do and you've only got so much energy. I mean, it's a real undertaking, first of all, if your goal is to please both women. And second of all, you could be opening yourself up for all kinds of crazy, ridiculous drama.

And also, there are a few cool things that you can do if you got both of them going down be opening yourself up for all kinds of crazy ridiculous drama and uh and and also it's just there are a few cool things that you can do if you got both of them going down at the same time you just can't duplicate that any other way right but as far as just like like like fucking one of them while the other one does something to you or something or like fucking one while she goes down on the other like that's just that i don't i don't need that. Like, that's fun, but like, eh, whatever. I think it's really blown out of proportion. It's just too much effort. So if there's a guy, girl, girl.

I can do it right now if I wanted to, and I choose not to. If there's a guy, girl, girl situation, does that kind of imply, because if there's a guy, guy, girl situation, the guy's not typically gay, right? Guy, guy, girl, it's still just two guys focused on a girl but if there's a guy girl girl does it go without saying that the girls are a little gay i think it it does go without saying a little bit but girls are just like that they can just experiment however they want they can do whatever they want nobody says anything so they're more

apt to try things like that they'll be kissing each other like like without embracing the gay label you know like they can just experiment and try things unlike where it's like if a two dudes were like oh just blow you they would say like or even kiss experiment or even kiss, right? If all girls did in the threesome was kiss each other, that's not really that serious. It's like no big deal. But if guys made out, like that's guys making out. That's like no joke.

Very uncomfortable, yeah. Yeah, that's another one of those double standards, I suppose. So if you've got two girls in a threesome, yeah, I think it goes without saying that that girl picked that other girl too. It's not just the guy picking. Yeah, exactly. They chose each other a little bit. No, not always really because if it's a threesome that's been set up, for example, a lot of wives will allow their husband to have a threesome because it's sort of like his fantasy or whatever.

Maybe it's something she does for his birthday, example a lot of wives i didn't say that did i i think you did yeah yeah i think you did like it like yeah it's pretty normal for wives to like get some other fuck buddies in surprise us more than that but um but you know yeah maybe she wants another woman to come in to please her husband, but she doesn't necessarily want to do anything with her. So I think it could go both ways. But, yeah, probably more often than not, the two girls are doing some stuff together.

I don't think you could have as much fun if they weren't. Do you want another rule? Another rule? No, there's a lot of them. Buy Cuckold Ro roleplay, BDSM stuff. Here's the thing. Use instant message to chat about this stuff. It's way easier to discuss it before meeting. More

often, you'll get a dude who has a million things he wants to do in his first ever encounter, but the reality is he doesn't understand. He has to bring into the personalities into the room. People have their own ideas. Buy stuff. Oral didn't kill me. It was so taboo.

One of the things I learned about bi oral is that in a threesome. What does that mean? That's when a dude blows you or you blow a dude. Yeah, I think that's what he's saying. It was so taboo. One of the things I learned about bi oral is that in a threesome, when you have the woman kissing and sucking two guys, you inevitably taste the other guy's cock on her anyway it's a

fact she doesn't mind it he has got to be tasting me things happen remember it's all about her anyway it's not a things happen scenario i did not realize like i eat at panda express and i'm like oh did somebody rub this orange chicken on somebody's cock? Unless he's blowing his load in her mouth, I don't think you taste him, right? Like, if I were to, like, lick my wrist, I wouldn't have wrist mouth. I don't know. It depends how intense the sex is. I feel like sometimes maybe there's just a steady stream of pre-cum going on and there's lots of fluids.

See, Woody, if there was someone who rubbed their cock all over your wrist, and then you licked your wrist, I think you might have a feeling of what they're doing. Yeah, and leaving that Spider-Man-like string away from him and stuff. You got a little bit of that. You might be like, oh, that's Kyle. Sorry, man. I'd be like, do you know Kyle? All the hairs are pulled the same direction on that same strand.

Viscous glue, essentially. What was I going to say? Something gross. Yeah, probably. Oh, the reason I pulled wrist out is it's often used. Like, what does cock taste like? It tastes like your wrist. It's just skin.

Like, it's not like a girl has a taste. They often say pennies. But guys. Copper, like metallic. Yeah. But guys, on the other hand, it's just like licking your wrist. That's what cock tastes like. Because vagina is acidic.

That's true. That's science. This is science. If it's not acidic, they can get it. Stern was playing some clips from this HBO documentary and guys were talking about sex life in prison and what it's like and you had this black gangster

talking about eating ass eating ass is everything in prison that's everything the asshole is everything he's like what I like to do is get a man to suck on my asshole just suck on it good you know sucking an asshole just like sucking a pussy that, what I like to do is get a man to suck on my asshole. Just suck on it good. You know, sucking an asshole is like sucking a pussy.

That's what it is to him. He's just sucking a pussy back there. I like to either put the jelly in my ass or the honey ass. But me, myself, I prefer the jelly ass. I put the jelly in my ass. Dude, I know this video, and I've already found it. Do you want to go to it before or after we finish these last three? All right. Let him tell you about the jelly ass. When it after we finish these last three? All right.

Let him tell you about the jelly ass. When it comes to internet shit, I know my shit. Are you guys ready? Yeah. Tossing. Okay, this is called tossing the salad in jail in an American prison. Three, two, one, play. First of all, if he's a newcomer, I want him to suck my ass with jelly, what they

call toss the salad. That's the slang word, toss the salad. It means sucking my ass. With jelly or without jelly, some people use syrup. I prefer I got to use jelly. I will reach my climate. I will automatically get hard. I will come automatically if he's sucking my ass for about 10 minutes or longer right

it's this is a sensation film it makes you feel real good most all gays do they you know saying like guys suck their ass it's just like a pussy right but the only difference is not a pussy right those people! Who did that? That was not in the original HBO Eric! Toss my salad to them. Let them eat me, you know, and we straight. That's it. The most hands-to-thing in prison life is being in debt over drugs.

They get you killed or raped, one or the other. You can't pay. I had one opportunity with three guys. Two of them owed me money. So I knew I couldn't get them together. I had one opportunity with three guys. Two of them owed me money, right? So I knew I couldn't get them together. So what I did, I got one one day on a Saturday. I sucked his dick in the closet.

You know what I'm saying? I sucked his dick, you know, I had his pants down. He helpless, that's it, he's helpless, right? His dick hard, I'm sucking on it, right? I can't write it up and I cut him. And that's why I left the man in the closet. He didn't tell, but he couldn't explain. How could he explain that a fag was sucking his dick and write up not cut and that's why I left the man in the closet he didn't tell but he couldn't explain how could he explain get a faggin something didn't come up because he couldn't explain it

do you follow that no not exactly I'm very confused what happened this this guy owed him money and he wanted to get the guy. So he offered to suck the guy's dick in a closet. So he's sucking the guy's dick in the closet. Then he stops and fucking cuts the guy, and he leaves. Because now the guy can't tell him. He's like, what's he going to say? A fag was sucking my dick, and then he come up and cut me?

Nah. He ain't telling that to the administration. That seems like a situation where someone who's gay got an easy out like they're pretending like I'm just gonna go in there and suck his dick and then I'm gonna do this and all his homies are like you don't really have to do that you can just walk up and cut him and then he won't say anything because he knows the threat of us behind you. Nah, nah, nah. I'm gonna suck his dick. I'm gonna suck his dick and I'm gonna show him. I'm gonna show him. Dude, you don't

suck his dick. We're all behind you. Nah, I'm gonna suck his dick. It doesn't make any fucking sense. I love when he's talking about making him suck his ass. That's awful. It's like, you don't have to suck his dick to get him.

It's part of the plan. This is all part of my elaborate scheme to trick him. That's silly. Hey, I think there's two or three more rules. Taco Bell is in route. Oh, Jesus Christ. Married couples are cleaner, think more in unison, and protective of privacy and safety,

and can often host. I am divorced, and I see the marital bed is pretty sacred. Being that special friend is hot. Rule number nine out of ten. Anything more than four people is messy. Threesomes and foursomes are intimate. Larger groups and the lady just lies there. Boring.

Has anyone here done a group more than four? No? Yeah. I top out at two, so I'm not passing judgment. Oh, shit! Oh, wait! It's me! He's got a cock microphone!

Oh, let me see the balls! Up, go up! I love that the microphone is a cock. There it is! Not bad. Oh wait, the microphone's a cock too. Yeah, the microphone's a cock too! Oh yes!

Oh yes! Bravo. Nicely done. She did a great job. She has a skill. Absolutely. At first, I was like, my hair is not parted in the middle. Then I realized my cock is. Yes.

That makes perfect sense. I like it. I like it. Good. I even think it kind of looks like me The effort of There's another one coming in Well she's doing that

I know The whole gang Oh can you Never mind What do you want to do I want a really gigantic wings cock that's a thick six. Oh, yeah. That's what should happen.

She should make a really wide one. On wings cock, though, he needs to be flexing his muscle and pointing, and he's got a thick six tattoo. Mm. Will it be bad? I just... I was like, will you do a Wings of Redemption cock? And she just gave me a look of...

I don't have enough material for that. I will, but it'll be really offensive. Alright, yeah, make a Wings cock. That'll be funny. We've got to first tape the straw on this. We've had this in that top area up there. We've had both of these cocks just up there, like hidden behind that Game of Thrones collector set,

and no one's noticed yet. No one in the last two PKA's. Wait until her parents come. Wait until her parents come. I'll put the cocks away for that. There's the last rule here. Google Voice, check it out. Get yourself a free phone and use it for screening calls.

Google Voice is a great service. I rarely use it, but for things like this or any time you have to deal with the possibility of sketchy people in life, it's a good thing to have and it's free. So there it is. He's only had 15 threesomes? That's a lot to me. yeah he's at 15 plus you would think that a guy would who's like writing the book on this had done it more than you know i feel like if i really wanted to i could knock out 15 in a couple months yeah if you had really low standards well if you're trying really wanted to if your thing was like going and banging some guy's wife,

like I feel like you could make that happen. Oh, so I could have 15 in 30 days. I would just have to pay for it all. I'm going to type it. I'll type it. Okay. I wonder what he's bringing. I don't know anything about that.

If there's any knowledge you can say about what you just typed, I would be interested. I don't know anything about this. Can you type who the person was? I don't recall this at all. Okay. Huh. Well, this sounds like the sort of thing that's supposed to be kept private.

Exactly, yeah. It just popped into my head, and I was like, hey, that guy does that. And I was like, I can't say that. I didn't even know it existed until you just typed that. Yeah. You're spreading rumors. But how do you guys feel about Woody and Kyle? I like that I'm taller. Wait a fucking minute.

Significantly larger than Kyle. There you go. Put them next to each other. Am I actually quite larger than Kyle? I am. Look at that. Get on my level. Why would she make Woody so much bigger than me?

Woody's giving Kyle shit that you made his cock bigger. She knows. Not through experience. I just realized what I said there. She just said only Woody's balls are bigger. The cocks are the same. I don't know. I feel like I've got a bigger cock, too.

Yeah. He's more accessible. Well, I don't know. I appreciate those cocks. Yes. That's pretty cool. So what did you think of Chris Hansen as a guest? I thought he was good.

It was nice having him on. He's a really accomplished guy. When I said whatever, I was like, good. It was nice having him on. He's a really accomplished guy. Like when I said whatever, I was like, yeah, forget about all those Emmys. He's won like seven Emmys or something. I was hoping he won Emmys when you said that. I was like, how awkward did that be if he just, you know, forget about all those Grammys. Like, I don't win Grammys. Wow, the guy's got like seven fucking Emmys.

He's a really accomplished journalist. He's done a lot of cool stuff. Like he really did. Like he was the main guy covering 9-11 on NBC. He was the main guy covering Columbine on NBC. I can't think of any of the other stories off the top of my head, but he's a big deal. And so it was cool talking to him.

I really meant everything I said. I really am a fan of the guy. I love to Catch a Predator in particular. I wonder how he feels about that show. Catch a Predator, to me, has defined Chris Hansen. Is he happy with that definition?

Or would he rather be Brian Williams today? Well, he's not a perfect example. We don't watch enough. I feel like he does a lot of different things. He's done several shows that are kind of going after sneaking around and going after bad people on the internet or people who do scams. He mentioned that being in Africa or whatever, he was going after those people who do the African Prince internet scam. So he's done a lot of those

type shows. I don't know how he feels about it. I'm sure it pays well. Maybe it pays better than being a journalist in the traditional sense as he once did over at NBC. I know he's not working with NBC anymore. Yeah, I wouldn't know it pays better. I would bet that it pays

better than, I'm just guessing, than... Being a pedophile. I would bet that it pays better than um like the job he might have which is like a Philadelphia news anchor or something like that but at the very very top of the field you know the Brian Williams or the I don't even know who else that's probably the highest paying gig yeah but that's the He wouldn't be a Brian Williams. I feel like he...

There's no way. I think he was right there. I mean, he worked with Tom Brokaw and Katie Couric and all those people. He was right there, maybe one tier below them. But I don't know if he was... He wasn't the nightly news anchor, but he's like one spot below that.

Is that really one spot below, though? Yeah, I think so. You think? Okay. Maybe. My guess is that really one spot below though yeah I think so you think okay yeah maybe I my guess is seven enemies he what's that other like the Cecil B DeMille award or something like that yeah I mean but he made a career in front of the camera and that itself is a rare thing there are a lot of people who want that job you know if you ever in California, and I don't think anyone here has, but everyone wishes they were an actor. Not everyone, but so many people wish they were actors. It seems like if you're in a group of five, one of them is an actor.

Just hoping that their break comes to them. He actually makes a living, not acting so much, but in front of the camera, and that's a rare deal. And it's a good gig. Yeah, I like talking to him. I'm trying to think some of the stuff he said that I thought was particularly good. I liked some of the stories about the people on the show and kind of knowing the inner workings and all that stuff.

That's cool. I really am looking forward to that new show. And I love his new way of going at it where they're gonna potentially be like you know so the guy makes contact with the decoy on on a monday and sometimes these it seems that they've been talking for weeks in advance so they figure out who this guy is by wednesday and it's two or three weeks later before he actually arrives at the decoy house so they've been so you know there's maybe there's a scenario where they're following this guy to work. They're seeing what his family life is like.

They know who his friends are. They're giving his whole bio long before he makes it to the decoy house. Basically stalking him. You go and you see him buying that six pack of Bartles and James to take to the underage girl. The whole thing. I think that'll be good. And then you follow him afterwards

up until maybe sentencing. That'd be neat. Yeah, up until he kills himself. Oh, that did happen to that one guy. That's pretty interesting. I would definitely watch that. Sorry, I just wanted to scroll that stuff off screen so that there

was no possibility I could possibly share it. That whole last three paragraphs is just private stuff. I probably don't want to... If I were to accidentally drag this window to the side and show that, that would

be awful. Let me go ahead and clear them. There we go. I got it all. Yeah, it is... Those are not my secrets you typed in there. No. Those are not my secrets you typed in there. No, those were other people's secrets we were typing. We are secret keepers. You see that?

Well, I mean, Woody knows, but Woody's a secret keeper too. That's why I told him. And I don't know about Taylor. He could tell everybody, I guess. I'll tell everyone. I'm going to tweet about it right after this. He's live tweeting the Skype feed. Woody let something slip today.

Yeah, I thought it was cool he came on. I thought it was cool he sent us all these fucking mugs, you know, all of our mugs. For those of you listening, it's a picture of him with his arms crossed. It says PKA, and it says, Kyle, have a seat. And we all got one, of course.

Of course, Taylor's doesn't say, Kyle, have a seat. It says Taylor, and what he says woody it was it was really funny i was so narcissistic originally i was like i was like oh yeah i got this mug you're saying woody on it or for a split second my brain was like did everybody say kyle such an asshole but yeah these are cool um i appreciate them and it's funny because i was all hopping steaming i was mad last week when they didn't show and then i it was furthered by being improperly handled they're like yeah sorry he was stuck in traffic for four hours and uh his booking

agent was also stuck in traffic for four hours and none of them had cell phones or they were in an area in the united states where traffic occurs but but, you know, there's no phones there. Or whatever the story was, it was like, you know, dude, I'm six states away from you and I can smell the horse shit. Yeah, I think like an assistant or something basically lied to us. And then what actually had happened, it turned out, was there was just like no one ever informed Chris that he was supposed to be here. That's what it turned out. Like it seemed like maybe the assistant had fucked up or something like that. but they made up for it as far as I'm concerned, showed up,

did a good job. Me too. Right. So the second part of that was going to be like, she started working with a different booking agent. I don't know who the first person was. One might've been an assistant. The other could have been an agent. I don't know. But then that person got like super communicative. Usually Chiz is the one who like writes twice for every time he gets a reply but in this case it was the opposite they really got on top of it they made sure it was right they like overnighted us coffee mugs which makes me i'm really cheap like my forgiveness apparently is like a dollar 99 but it worked i'm like it says woody right the fuck on it i'm the same way when i saw like i was a little bit pissed about him not showing up last

week or i was like god damn it and then i saw this today and now i was like you know what he's a pretty swell guy right yeah so for the price of one coffee mug i'm no longer frustrated at all and and he came on and he did the show when i got a little like he didn't do he didn't do like all right so he's made these for other people, right? There's one for Jimmy Kimmel in it. He personalized it. He put the PKA thing on there. It's not like he had the same thing. He put Kyle, and I'm sure he did these by hand himself.

That really... I appreciate the cup. What else was I going to say? You have a thought. I went a little off track right i think i think we talked about oh someone mentioned oral right for the mermaid thing i think it might have been taylor and he's like whoa whoa whoa i was like all right so he probably wouldn't like the rest of the show so much you know he wouldn't want to give his opinions on how to set up threesomes

yeah he flinched when murka durka said faggot during the first five minutes of the show. Oh, I didn't catch that. That got by me. Oh, did you call me a faggot? What did you say faggot about? I forget. It wasn't... I think it was directed to me. I don't think it was faggot.

You yelled faggot five minutes into the show. Yeah, what was it? Then that was it. It was about me, though, right right it wasn't like you weren't actually appreciate that it wasn't it wasn't actually an anti-gay thing at all though i think you were just making fun of me i think so or making light of something else it wasn't like those faggots keep sucking dick and i won't stand for it he didn't say that he was it was something else it was like this faggot the dv yeah i saw it said that yeah i saw something

about um so there was a republican that got caught caught being gay for lack of a better term but um but he had been like an anti-gay guy throughout his political career and then it turns out that he's gay and someone on reddit wrote it in such a way that it really burned into my head they're like why are these people so in hate with themselves? Why does it have to be like this? They're like, you like sucking dick. It makes people happy. Embrace it.

Be like, yeah, I'm a cocksucker. A goddamn good one, right? You know, I know you might not like gay people, but I'm telling you, you wouldn't last four minutes with me. I'm good, right? You know, like just rock it. Like why's it gotta be all this self-hate, troublesome, whatever?

There's no victims in this gay person scenario. It's just happy people, either in love or in lust, and it ends well. It's not a criminal act, and it ends well. You know, like it's not a criminal act, and it shouldn't be treated with all this like embarrassment and craziness. And this guy's literally spent decades self-hating, passing and pursuing laws against his private version of him. And, you know, I wish that they just had an easier time being like,

yeah, I take it up the ass. My ass is awesome. It'll be a while before that happens, I think, before people are that willing to admit it. It shouldn't be, though. I don't know. Maybe not their specific sex acts that they do. I don't feel like Woody walks around, yeah, I eat pussy.

That's what I'm into. He doesn't introduce himself that way or anything. You wouldn't last four minutes with me. You know what? You may not agree with me, but I suck cock. That would follow with the lying part. Hillary Clinton does not suck cock.

No, she doesn't. That's why Monica was involved. Yeah, there's no way Hillary Clinton sucks dick. There's no way. Maybe she sucked dick in the past, but there's no way after that whole Monica thing that she would ever suck dick again. At the end of that, she was like,

by the way, you're never getting a blowjob again, so get used to that. Well, I mean, I'm sure he didn't have to get that used to it. I mean, it's just... I mean, I'll just go to the next person and just ask them. Did you guys see the Monica Lewinsky TED Talk? I didn't watch it, but I heard it's good. It's amazing.

It is one of the best TED talks I've ever heard oh it's called the what is it world's most powerful semen no it's not it's not it's about privacy it's about the forever nature of the internet and shaming people and it's also about bullying and And, um, she talks about, I think she mentions in there that she considered suicide. She talks about how it's defined or how it's just one mistake, the forever nature of, you know, what comes out and, uh, and how people should think twice, both before they do something in private that they wouldn't want to be public. And, uh, you know, like that people could be a little nicer when they discover a secret.

And it's Monica Lewinsky, right? And I think most of the time, at least most time I think of her, it's in a lighthearted nature. Like, yeah, she sucked the president's dick, et cetera, et cetera. But it was powerful. Her TED Talk is really, really good. Maybe I'll look into that.

What other TV or film recommendations do we have this week? We talked about Daredevil. We talked about the Monica Lewinsky TED Talk. The Documentary about Doc Phillips or Doc Brown or whatever the hell that guy's name was.

The new Game of Thrones comes out on Sunday. I'm pretty deep into Game of Thrones, by the way. Yeah, you've surpassed me, but it's mostly because I'm not sure. I think I want the shows first. You've been overtaken, Kyle? Really? Yeah, I stopped listening. I didn't anticipate that. Yeah, I just stopped listening because I like the shows first. I like it and then hearing it i'll finish book four next week how do you feel about

this season so far like the show like how do you like i'm having a problem i i don't feel like the show diverged from the book as much as it did this year you know i don't want to spoil stuff but like the sansa storyline and the john snow's like the book readers are calling john snow john show like to differentiate between the two people um oh clever bastard really because i why are they saying that because john i don't feel like i feel like john snow is one of the a few characters who has stayed true to the books it feels like um like like you mentioned sansa and aria sansa and wait aria excuse me not uh not aria aria seems to be so far she's more or less right the one thing

or aria in the book when she went to bravos was kind of immediately accepted and she gradually like gains their trust and does their thing aria in the show was just like they shut the door on her told her that guy wasn't there like they they kind of fucked with her at first yeah then that other disciple was just like beating her with that bamboo stick for no reason it's are you? Did they bake the potatoes Belgrande? Are you shitting me, Kyle? You're talking about Taco Bell right now. Let me see this disgusting abomination before you eat it. I wonder what they charge for off-menu items. Who goes to Taco

and orders off... or Taco Bell and orders off the menu? People who enjoy tormenting minimum wage workers. Kyle, can you tilt it to the camera? We want to see. Or tilt the camera to the food. Some millionaire. It's sliding around.

Oh, my God. That's gross, dude. Oh, God. That's not cheese. That's a gelatinous, weird, adhesive substance keeping all of your potatoes together like slide it see I don't envy that

beef and look at that serving of beef that's like something they would give a soldier in Game of Thrones just a little flick of the wrist Diablo down for whatever is that fire sauce or wrist. Diablo down for whatever. Is that fire

sauce or is it Diablo sauce? I think it's a Diablo sauce. Here, put some directly onto your tongue. I want to see if it's different. It's hot. It's different? Yeah. It's Diablo sauce. There's a difference. It's Diablo sauce there's a difference it's diablo all right um yeah without spoiling anything the sansa storyline is is the most different i feel and uh the book kind of feels like it's the the brianna and the aria show like i i'm going and maybe sansa that brianne is that her name whatever um

i i know i know i guess you know what it is i'm done being picked on over the name thing i get it i do names awful but people have taken like like my lack of name remembrance for lack of a better term and uh and translate you know i think woody's retarded woody doesn't know anything but it's like a dude names are like my handicapped i don't know what to tell you but i still function through life and i'm not as dumb as you think i'm done but uh yeah anyway people are saying you're retarded because you don't differentiate between brianna and brianne which isn't even a real name. Yes. Yeah, and I'll often

knock for like... Well, you yourself have supposed before that... I think you literally said retarded once. Yeah, I'm sure I have. I don't know. Maybe I just thought it was only okay for me. You have trouble with names, and it's just...

More than anybody. Like, everyone has trouble with names, right? Like, it's a thing. People have trouble with names and it's just uh more than anybody like everyone has trouble with names right like it's a thing people have trouble with names but i'm i'm next level on this thing yeah you really are it's like um i don't know i don't know what it is i i think of the spelling uh when i when i when i think back to the names that's that's sort of part of the way my memory works like i can spell i'm looking at Brienne in my head. It's B-R-I-E-N-N-E. Yeah, I can spell it. Why can't you say it?

I just blur through it. Yeah. When I say a word, I spell it out in my head. I think of the spelling too. So you're not being a dick. I understand what you're saying. I literally could just spell Brienne, but I'll see that and be like yeah you know brianna yeah they're like that's a yeah but i could have passed a spelling bee over it

calls me carl all the time yeah i call colin kyle and carl and whatever when colin calls me mom i specifically call him Hope. And he thinks it's the greatest thing. He's like, I'm not Hope. I'm not mom. And it's like, he loves it. You want to call a wild card there? Okay. Super short show with Chris Hansen. Three hours,

35 minutes. Oh, wow. Wow, super short um oh is she currently working on the wings of redemption penis uh let actually give me one moment let me check on that see if it's almost done if not it'll wait till next week all right i i want to see you she's pretty talented that's i couldn't do anything like that. I mean, clearly that's not art, but it's not like a work of art anyway. It doesn't require – but it requires some talent that I just don't possess.

If I went about trying to make one of those things, it would take me days, and I'd have to do a lot of cheating. What I kind of like is it says to me that she's a fun girlfriend. Yeah, definitely so. What I kind of like is it says to me that she's a fun girlfriend. Mm-hmm. Yeah, definitely so. I like those. So I went back and checked, and she's working on a prototype, as she says. So it'll be next week's dick.

We'll have one for the whole gang. I'm excited. That's great. Okay. So that was Painkiller already. Episode 229. DollarShadeClub.com slash PKA. Go check out Chris Hansen over on Patreon.

Links to all that in the description below. And check out the PKA Patreon and see if that interests you at all. And I think you met Chris Hansen on Kickstarter. Kickstarter. Yeah, yeah. I have a Patreon. But check out our Patreon. You get early access to PKA Patreon and see if that interests you at all. And I think you met Chris Hansen on Kickstarter. Kickstarter. He does not have a Patreon. But check out our Patreon. You get early access to PKA. You can get access to PKN, the video, etc, etc. There's lots of cool stuff.

And have a good day, guys. Alright. See you next week.