Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #230

Episode Date: May 21, 2015

This week on PKA, Taylor's girlfriend, Melissa, joins the show and they talk about picking/rating women, what animal could you beat up bare handed and Taylor tries to act like we all didn't just see that ;)

King Kyle and we're live. Cherry 7-Up. Yeah, it's delicious. Cherry 7-Up. Alright, welcome to Painkiller Already, episode 230. Kyle, tell us about our sponsor. Oh my. Crunchyroll offers the largest, most diverse collection of anime series straight from the source. Each season, each season, they're bringing in the best new anime from Japan to deliver the largest line of anime. From classics like Sword Art Online 2, One Piece, and Attack on Titan, to new favorites like Food Wars, Punchline, and Is It Wrong to try and pick up Girls in the Dungeon.

Watch these shows and more across pretty much any device. Xbox, Playstation, Wii U, Roku, Android, all your iOS devices, Apple TV, anything, really. Unlimited anime, manga, and drama titles, you name it, they've got it all. The newest episodes come straight out of Japan, and they're available as soon as an hour after

premiering, and it's all professionally subtitled. All the episodes are ad-free and 1080p HD, so just head over to Crunchyroll.com slash PKA and sign up. Register today to get in on our exclusive offer of Crunchyroll Premium free thirty days that's right crunchyroll premium for an entire month if you sign up using crunchyroll dot com slash pk did you have a special message that you want to add in there taylor uh... no you have

wasn't there some anime that you thought we should recommend a specific one just there are so many to recommend it would be difficult to just narrow down to one. What do we personally recommend here at PKA though? He won't say it! Ruby, jerk off!

Personally recommend Ruby. We personally recommend Ruby from the hosts here at PKA. We have a special guest tonight! We have that special guest tonight. We have that red-headed lady who's always walking around in the fucking background. Laying on her belly playing Borderlands. Yeah, what was that about?

I'm doing a little assembly over here in the background. Like, Mark, move to your right just a little bit. No, I will not. No, no, that's like hype from before. So, never mind. Don't worry about what's going on back there. Because her ass was in view back there.

It wasn't for me. It was for the viewers. It couldn't have been in very good focus. Our upload speed is terrible. That's true. But you were laying back there with your ass in the air. And so people wanted to see. Well, there's not much room between the TV.

But anyway, the guest is my girlfriend, Melissa. Say hello. Hello. Oh. Oh! I just realized I was, like, I'm excited for this. Is the most recent penis finished? Oh.

The most recent penis finished. Oh. I regret to inform that I felt so terrible while drawing it. I was like, I can't share this on the internet. I don't want to be that person. So hand it to Taylor. Taylor. He's like, give a fuck. His soul is already damned.

Come on. Yeah, my soul's in hell. I gave you a description. You know how bad it was going to be. So here's the deal. Here's what the one that, and we didn't put her up to this. So any fat people hate you want to throw about, you direct it toward Melissa over on her Twitter. Yeah, Josie underscore blues.

Follow her. It's a dick. It's a dick with a big fat belly on top. It was going to be that. It was going to be the dick with the belly leaning on top of it. The dick would be holding up a big, poofy belly above itself.

Does it exist? It exists, but you burn it. It is somewhere. Oh, it's around. It's not finished. But from what I can tell, she felt too bad about it and felt guilty about putting such a horrific depiction of Wingscock online. No, not of his. It's him as one, and it's suffocating. Well, it was suffocating under all that fat, which is why you felt bad about it.

But it was going to have enormous testicles, right? It was. It was going to have big balls. And it was going to be thick because it's the thick six. Yeah, that is certainly what you said. I like Kyle's frozen in place right now, just like. Yeah. Here's one request.

I think you should like sort of. Am I back yet? you're coming back now continue you said one request continue from there so yeah i just imagined like his cock would be holding the belly up but on his like bicep he would have like a thick six tattoo maybe we could do away with the whole belly thing since i think that is where the you know the cool that is where the cool part is. Yeah, the mean part is. Yeah, that came straight out of her. That's nothing to do...

We could just do a really thick shaft and gigantic balls and make it wings-like. I picture some sort of bearded head. Oh, yeah. You know? The head of the penis has some... I could work on a more flattering...

Yeah. We don't have to hurt Wings' feelings, but I think he needs to be immortalized as a penis like the rest of us. That is true. I would really like you to do that. Also, I wouldn't mind to let... You could have the picture stay at Kyle's house for a month and make no progress. You know, just to be...

You could send the penis to Kyle's house for a month and make no progress. You know, just to be... He could send the penis to Kyle's house. No. No progress. He made a few thousand dollars. He did lose weight, too, I think. There were some complications. Like, they switched out scales in the middle of it and stuff.

He did really well for three weeks. That last last week there were some complications and things kind of fell they i wouldn't say they completely fell apart but they it definitely uh we definitely didn't get a full month in of um the way i wanted to i feel like i'm out of focus now for some reason you are completely out of focus yeah you are pixelated in our world yeah you're you are much like the 1992 all right hang on a second i'm gonna go see if like somebody's streaming double netflix upstairs or something all right yeah well i kind of have a fetish for what kyle looks like right now because this you know in my

my formative masturbation days this is what the girls look like just very pixelated and low res if we could get him down to a postage stamp size thing, then yeah, Kyle is a pop-up ad. It's fucking hot. And that would be ideal for you. That would be like taking you back to your glory days. Exactly. I would have figured you were masturbating to big tits drawn on cave walls and things like that. In all reality, and awkward, Melissa, but my brother had a, like, I guess it was a shoebox, but it was for high top shoes, like a large shoebox.

And that would be filled to the brim of magazines. And I would sneak under his bed, steal all his magazines for whatever, 30 minutes at a time, and then put them back in place. Ooh, pleasuring yourself. Really enjoying it. Magazines are great. I used to steal my neighbor's Playboys. Oh, you did? Yeah.

Nice. I can't believe that. I can't interrupt this story. Your wrist tits are awesome. Yeah. Well, they're fixing regular tits and all their problems, so that's okay. So even though I'm right-handed,

I learned to use my left hand because I needed my dominant hand to hold the magazine, which is something that I think kids nowadays don't get. And then I broke my right arm in a car accident, and I had to relearn the art with my other hand. And, yeah, I think ever since then I've just stayed righty well that certainly is a story I figured that you probably had a question to ask our guest Melissa in regard to

mermaids oh well all right I will I will hit it but oh you're strained on a desert island and you have your you're there all by yourself. You're going to be there for at least a year, and your only companion is a mermaid. Do you want the top half or bottom half to be human? Merman. You want him a merman? Top half human? I don't have a dick.

No, it can be a merman. It's not a female. I want a female mermaid. And you want the top half to be a merman. Merman. It's not a female. I want a female mermaid. And you want the top half to be human. Yes. So you want to be putting your fingers around a cold, clammy fish veg? I don't think you would. Yeah.

It's not my dick. Well, you don't have a dick. I know. Exactly. It's just my fingers. I can wash my fingers. You're already in the water. I want the hair and the boobs.

Why would you trade that? Because, see, well, yeah, she's thinking about it differently. Because my thought would be, you want the top half fish, so then you get the useful parts, and you don't have to listen to it talk. But it's not useful to me. The useful parts to me are the top half. I see, yeah.

If you're a girl, then the bottom half of the other girl really just represents where you need to put the work in. Yeah. That's true. Yeah, the girls don't pleasure each other with their bottom halves.

I've seen enough videos that I know how this works. bottom half so that's that's i've seen enough videos and i know how this works that it's it's purely a uh a pleasure receiving the neck down doesn't represent much i mean you gotta have the face and the hair and the ah everything like that that's what you'd want you'd want some nice tits yeah on the top of your fish of course i disagree but and and the tail was kind of sexy too the tail is not sexy it's a fish tail i think it's i think fish tail should just stay in the in like in the fantasy zone like many things in sex they're better in fantasy and then in real life if if you smelled fishtail, you'd be like, yeah, not hot. Yeah. Fishmouth? How is that?

Well, you're not fucking the fishmouth. It's there so that you can fuck the human vagina on the bottom part. So it just looks retarded? Yeah, let it be retarded looking. It doesn't fucking matter. Yeah, exactly. Fishmouth, that's not attractive.

No, you fuck the bottom half, which is a woman, and then the top half is a fish, so you don't have to listen to it talk about its problems all day and things like that. So it's a win-win. Mermaids don't have problems. They absolutely do. Did you not watch Little Mermaid?

The woman was nothing but problems and angst. Thank you, Woody, for bolstering my point. She was nothing but problems and issues. Not Thank you, Woody. Bolstering my point. She was nothing but problems and issues. Not if she had a woman in her life. Well, she wasn't a lesbian. So she didn't have any women in her life. That's her problem. Oh, okay.

She needs to step up her lesbian game. Anyway, Kyle, you're looking much clearer now. Glad to have you back. I'm not really sure what happened, but I seem to be doing okay now. For some reason, my personal internet line isn't showing up when I click refresh. It's not

working, but I went upstairs and all the lights are on. So I'm kind of... I don't know what the fuck. I'm connected to Kitty's line right now, and she's going to tether to her phone or something. Yeah, I mean, all the lights were on, so clearly the internet was working. I mean, that's... I think my phone was hooked up to it as well.

Let's see if my phone is still connected. For those listening in the car, Kyle's checking to see if it's still connected. Yeah, yeah. Riveting. Yeah, my phone is still connected. So it's just bizarre. For some reason my PC is not finding my Wi-Fifi signal ah well that sucks yeah i have something that's it's almost on topic i'm waiting to see if my link works oh come on reddit someone sent me a personal email that could be construed as inviting me into a three-way would you like to to hear it? Oh, I would love to hear it. All right. Woody, longtime follower of you in the show.

In the Chris Hansen show, you guys talked about threesomes. No idea if you'd be interested or not. And I won't bore you unless you want more info. But my wife and I just had our first threesome a couple months ago. We're in our late 30s, each on our second marriage,

five kids, mortgage, et cetera. We're normal. Overall, nine out of 10. Definitely would do again. May may have the best wife ever let me know if you're interested and keep up the good work pictures any pics no could you forward that on to me check back in nine months and see how that's There's something about this package that he picked, Kyle. Sorry. Yeah, yeah. Oh, and it was parenthetical, so I didn't read it, but female, female, male, if you guys are curious about the threesome. Ah, so

not a devil's threesome. That's right. Wait, I don't know. So how is he setting that up for you? Are there two chicks that are contacting him? You know, he's probably offering more information about his threesome. Like, if I How is he setting that up for you? Are there two chicks that are contacting you? He's probably offering more information about his threesome, like if I want to know what it's like. But the way that he asked if I'd be interested twice,

it almost seemed like he'd be down for a foursome. We'll just see if this develops. That wouldn't work for me. Yeah, I'm not a sharing guy. I would forever replay those mental images in my mind and i'm just not wired for it you don't think jackie would enjoy it at all my fear is that she would you know that yeah also i think she's wired the same way and that if she were to see me like with some other girl that that would just like burn in her unpleasant replay archives where i was uh i was we got hbo go again on uh on a few devices game of thrones is back i don't there's

really no reason to have it when game of thrones isn't around if you've seen all the series that are already on there so um so i was going through the things that maybe my girlfriend hadn't seen and i got to um big love you anyone seen Big Love? Bill Paxton, it's about polygamy. He's a very prominent Mormon businessman who has three wives and he has to keep it all under wraps because, you know, polygamy is illegal. And his way of doing it, he buys three houses all in a row and he lives in the middle and he's got all the backyards are all interconnected and fenced so he can have his giant family out there and have their dinners and everything but he spends the night with different wives on like a schedule and in the different houses just to be clear this is all fictional yes it is all because i'm like

how is he keeping it a secret when he has a tv show yeah yeah the actor um it's very good if you've never seen it but she was she like, are you hinting at something? And I was like, you know there was a time when I might have been like, yeah, that'd be cool. Let's get some sister wives up in here. But now, after watching that show, honestly, even though it's a fictitious show and it's all drama, I think they're hitting on some points that you would run into in real life. Because this guy, if you think about's not it isn't about having sex with three women it's he's propping up three whole families and supporting them well like he

owns like a couple department stores and he's he's had he's constantly like more more more like we need to like expand expand expand because he's got like eight kids or something and like each college education is piling up and like it's not enough to be a millionaire. You've got to be a multi-millionaire if you want to give eight children the dream life. And keep in mind, he hasn't stopped. Mormons, they're hardcore Mormon. They don't use birth control. They're just pumping them out, all three women, all the time. So it's a great drama.

It's really good. I don't have any desire to have more wives. One is perfect. Okay, part of it is the money thing, like you said. You'd have to be doing really well for yourself to get by on even an average lifestyle. And two is the amount of love. The guys impress me. How is it that a woman will be like, you know what?

I would take a third of him over all of him right and there are millions hundreds of millions of guys that they could choose from where they would be their only wife but instead they actually prefer a third of that guy or fourth of that guy and i think like there must be something about him that's crazy good. Well, part of the hardcore truth about actual real-world polygamy is it happens in these little sects. Sects. Sects. S-E-C-T-S.

Yeah. For some reason, that's hard to say. It's in sex like that. It sounds like sex. I can't say the fucking word. Anyway, and oftentimes it's forced upon very young women and it's a really sick, weird thing. I don't think there are very many of the people

but in the show it's not like that. That's what I really like about the show. He's part of that community but he wasn't into polygamy until late into his life. What happened was his wife got cancer and they were told it was terminal. They think that his wife is going to be dead in nine months or something like that.

And they had this family and she wanted him to find a new wife, but she wanted some input on who his new wife was going to be, who was going to be raising her children and living with her husband until they get to the afterlife where they believe they're all going to be together. So because of that religious belief, it's even more important to her because they believe that in the afterlife, the whole big family will be together, all the wives and the husband. They bring in this other wife and the wife doesn't die. She lives.

She recovers. It goes into remission. Now there's just two wives. There's no going back. There's certainly no divorce going on in this family. uh family and they learn to love it both of them did and then he adds a third one who's like young and hot he adds like 22 year old marcy or something to the mix which and it's just a really cool family dynamic have you seen sister wives i have and that's a weird is that a reality show so sister wives is a reality show and it's a weird Is that a reality show? So Sister Wives is a reality show

and the guy has three wives but he adds the third one during the filming of the show and the first wife I don't I'm sure she's a wonderful person on the inside but Is she a four?

Is that what you're saying Woody? So in my thing a five is middle of the road woman, right? Like Kyle, five is an insult almost. But me, if you just grab the spectrum of women out there, an average one would be a five. So no, Kyle, she's not a four. She's like a two and a half. She could stand to lose maybe 120 pounds.

And if she did, I don't think she'd be really beautiful. So that's her. But she seems nice enough. And apparently she earns money and is the family's accountant or something. And then you've got the next one who seems like a good woman or whatever. But she's probably like 38. And then like the 20, she's not 22. I'm going to call her like 24 or five. She rolls in and all, and the other two girls start feeling really,

or two women start feeling really inadequate because he clearly brought in this hottie. And, um, um, you get to see him like manage that and make sure everyone feels loved and all the kids feel loved. And, and one of the attractions to the women when they join this family is not just the husband, it's also their sister wives. They kind of want to be married to the other women as well as the guy, not sexually, but they want to be part of this little micro-community. But still. That sounds exhausting.

Yeah, yes. Especially if your first wife has to lose the weight of an entire attractive girl just to be ugly. That sounds awful. It sounds like an ordeal. And he switches beds like night to night. Like I think he rotates on his schedule. And, you know, like I said, I'm a jealous guy. So knowing that he and the hot one are trying for a baby, like yesterday, while he's with me today,

it would just be weird to me. And who does he try for babies with? Does he go for all the, like, what if two of them are of childbearing age? And he's like, no, not you. Her and I are trying right now. We're going to do that instead. It's a personal decision, I think, between him and each wife, though.

I think that if the wife wants it, then he's down. I think that's at least how it works in the fictional version. Can you picture him trying to leave the middle home to go to a different home where the big big fat ugly broad is like get your ass back in here about trying to get another baby and he just is like walking out the door like aha you no no no he's like what i thought you were pregnant what you're not pregnant what the fuck i just gained 60 pounds of relegated belly fat? I thought it was quadruplets.

That's why we haven't been having... I didn't want to hurt you. It's a rough life to live. We played Civ last night until the early morning hours. Oh, my God. What time did you get up today? Nine and a half hour Civ game. I got up at 11 a.m. Not willingly.

I had... My door was kicked in and an intruder burst into the room and screamed at me. So that's how my morning began. It's been an interesting day. Was it a friendly intruder? Was it Kitty?

No, it wasn't Kitty. No, it was someone else. It's been a good day, though. Lots of cool stuff happened today. I want to know who woke you up. Who was that intruder? Oh, my girlfriend. She burst in. Was she angry at you?

She was so angry with me. What did you do? I can't say. Oh. Can you type? We won't put it on the show, but I really got to know. Jesus. I don't even know if I want. Okay.

I've never told any. Well, I'm sure I've told your secrets before, but I've never told any secrets in this domain. For people listening in the car right now kyle is typing typing kyle's currently typing and from what i can tell it's going to be an exciting post but she burst in angry at something i guess you did before you went to bed. That must suck. Aha. Yes, this is something that I will not be sharing with everyone.

It's just silly. It's just pettiness really on her part. It is just girl-related insanity. I forget. I think it sounds like you're 100% in the right.

Right? I never claimed that. I never claimed that ever. Not ever will I claim that. We started the game at 8, so I thought in my head that since we were playing AI and we didn't have to wait for as many people like you know change is strong as its weakest link and a civ game moves as fast as its slowest player so with kyle chis and i playing i thought we'd roll

through in like four hours it was a nine and a half hour game you said uh the skype call when it ended was uh nine hours and 38 minutes and when i saw that when i saw that i just shook my head in disgust i got into bed and and she was like uh did you win your game and i was like kinda she's like well did you win or not i was like oh we won she's like was it good was it fun and i was like no no it wasn't fun it was just it was nine and a half hours of like yeah we're gonna win eventually i didn't know there was a moment in there where like i didn't know i didn't know we were gonna win and uh not a moment but you know like one of those hours or something i wasn't sure that we'd catch them or how well they were doing we had set it up to be a uh not an easy win like

you still have to play the game. But we weren't going to lose if we really turned it on. It was one of those. Yeah, we made pretty good decisions most of the game. We made good decisions. You might have played too wide, Kyle. You went a happiness hole here and there.

I don't think I went too wide for the strategy for what I'm trying to achieve. I think I went too wide for my skill level at going wide. I haven't quite figured out I think there might be I think I did my culture a little bit wrong there's got to be an optimal way to run my culture and

science and everything to keep my happiness at a good level even though I've got four cities that turn like uh 37 i think maybe 47 but that's a ton of cities that early but i i still feel like with rome because of their bonuses it's it's really powerful and and we've seen it work chis uh did kind of a hybrid of tall and wide at the same time he built two enormous fucking cities And he definitely carried us through that game. Yeah, it is He was he was he was making a lot of science and a ton of culture

He carried us through that one cheese was super strong in that game. He was kind of an alpha dog But he did very well though I mean you kept you kept complaining about the score But like the score is changed by things like religion and trade routes and stuff. That's just not a real indication of your actual skill level or how you played the game. You played just fine. It took you guys nine and a half hours to finish one game? That was the thing.

So it was like 3.30 maybe when we stopped playing. Does that sound right to you? Four. Okay. And I had to get up about two hours later, like maybe two hours, 15 minutes later. And I took Hope to school. She has some sort of AP exams today. She had two classes worth of AP exams or something.

So she had an earlier than normal school day. And then I went back to bed to Lake Nunes. And then Jackie and I fixed a lawnmower. I wish I had filmed that. It went really well. So at the back of the lawnmower, there's this diesel engine. I've got this like crazy lawnmower. And maybe I had filmed that. It went really well. So at the back of the lawn mower, there's this diesel engine. I've got this like crazy lawn mower and maybe I can find a picture of it. Oh, let me find a better picture of it. Hold on. So I've got this bad boy.

I can't type. Diesel mower. And images. And. I think I'm just going to clear that Skype chat on out. As you like shift windows around and stuff up there. Can you stop? Done. Thank you. That is what my lawnmower looks like.

And let me see if. This is totally not going to work. What happens when I go to the big screen. Oh, I'm very nice It's frozen come on I change scenes I have three lawnmowers we get this stuff done in a hurry But um anyway, that's what it looks like in the back of it there's this did you want to say something Kyle? yeah I was going to say your lawnmowers come in three sizes you've got the big one you've got the really big one

and you've got the humongous one there's no regular lawn tractors out there nobody's putting around in one of those 36 inch wide like no you start his shit up his fucking dual carburetors up there he's got a special intake on it it's all chromed out

his shit is hardcore i actually one of them is like a normal sized one i wonder if i can find it uh yeah but it's like the best normal size one you You got a very good one. Yeah, I'm just looking for a text message Jackie sent me. And remember when you wanted to get a bat wing? I still think about that sometimes. What, did you run a plantation over there? Here's a picture of Colin and I out mowing together. So this is for the stream. of Colin and I out mowing together.

So this is for the stream. And this is for you guys. I have two cameras going on. That's Colin and I mowing together. I'm on the tractor, and he's on the little John Deere thing. And Jackie has the third one, which you saw. Anyway, back on topic. The belt in the back of it that powers the wheels, it broke.

Like two days ago, it came in today, and Jackie helped me replace a serpentine belt i gotta which made me really love her like it was a big i i was doing it and i got kind of um like stuck on it like i just i couldn't figure out how to wind it it was hot and i was i was worn out and uh i was like jackie why don't you partner with me on this and she did until it was done and it was super awesome carry on i have a video idea for you i think i think maybe if you did like a a time lapse of you calling and jackie cutting the grass it'd be cool dude have you seen the lily drone yeah the one that follows you around and stuff i totally want that for us mowing where it like does laps around us as i like do the like for 20 minutes as i mow the yard and i was i'm hoping that there's going to be some software that i could just use to make my

paratron do the same thing because it's really sophisticated with the tricks that are already programmed in and it's got this plot setting uh technology it should be able to do the same that would be cool yeah yeah i just i just saw a video of it it. The Lily one I'm talking about is not even for sale. Well, it's for sale, but it's pre-order. There's only prototypes available and such. So you don't know how good it is. I feel like... And also, it doesn't handle obstacles.

So if you're not in a wide-open field, which I happen to be in, but if you're not in a wide-open field, then you're screwed. Anyway, I thought that thing would be cool or something like it. A little drone footage of us mowing, getting it done. So you want your drone to just circle and film you cutting the grass? This is a brilliant video idea. I should definitely invest in a lot of equipment because this will go viral for sure. Stage two, grass growing.

We'll do videos of it growing back. This could go on forever. It could. Elderly man mows his yard in 360 degrees. Yeah, that's the thing. I think I can make it look kind of interesting. We'll see. I would.

How much are the cheapest drones right now? Because I know the one that Kyle has is pretty affordable as far as drones go. Still expensive. So I can actually get one and show it to you and do the whole thing if you want. It's like 50 bucks. It's a parrot drone. It's this little motherfucker. Let me grab it just so you can see it.

Yeah, go grab that. Did you see the... I'm going to see if I can find it. There's a... Like a... So someone made a parrot drone wedding shot. So the guy is a videographer for weddings. And they show him capturing footage of the bride and all that stuff. So then someone took that,

like this idea that you could use parrot drones at weddings, and edited it in to see what it would really be like, and it's hilarious to me. I'll see it. Parrot drone wedding. Let's see if I can find this. Ah, shucks. I can't spell

parody. Alright. Alright. Kyle's back. Yes. Thrilling footage right here. For those of you in the car, Kyle is putting his headphones on and Woody is looking something up.

Stay tuned. I'm pretty sure, Kyle, you have, can you hear me? You have quite a few of those smaller drones, don't you? I have an unlimited supply of these. I'm doing a video for them and they will send me as many as we need they said They already set 10. They already set 10 and they were like, huh, what do you what how many more you want? This is a double sponsored PK unboxing. I've got my CRKT knife here And my my parrot mini drone. It's called a rolling spider and figure out how to open this shit. Can you hold the box up? how to open this shit. Can you hold the box up?

Oh, it looks like one of those Star Wars ships. Someone's going to make a comment about how that was stupid, but you know what I'm talking about. Like a TIE fighter? Yeah, a TIE fighter. Those actually, those side things have a purpose. It'll actually, when you max out the elevation, it'll walk

on the ceiling and roll. Wow, useful. It'll run up walls and across ceilings. It's pretty roll. So it'll walk. Wow, useful. It'll run up walls and across ceilings. It's pretty cool. This one's not a parody, but can we watch it together? Yes. I'll keep looking for the one I'm looking for. But you should open it

at 118. Again, wedding photographer, tell me if you queued up I'm sorry, I'm assembling this drone I am queued up Alright, Kyle at 118 Ready to roll

Ready, set, play Alright, opening shot of the green field There's a married couple Standing underneath a birch wood tree Now the e it looks like the drone just flew right in the side of the woman's head There wasn't even a period of that where it looked like it could go correctly No one was watching that thing. It just took her out. No one even yelled, like, look out.

Like, what the fuck? That bitch just got cold cocked by some future technology. That was pretty cool. Drones are really neat. So, we're powering up over here. I've just got to fully assemble this motherfucker. How does that even go?

It's actually super easy to put together. A child could do it. Tiny. It is tiny. Would you want one? Because Kyle apparently has access to unlimited drones. Like a super villain where my big controller will work on this let's just write it's on the floor I would pay to see what the rest of that room that Kyle's in looks like.

Don't you want to know what other mischievous items are around him? Because there's guns everywhere. There's a fucking doll in the back right now. It looks creepy as shit. I want to know what else is there. I wonder if that doll bleeds when you shoot it. Because some of them do. Really?

Mm-hmm. That's actually pretty... I bet those are expensive. Not for him. Not for Kyle. No, no. The life is unfair. When you hit a certain level, they just start throwing free shit at you.

That's where Kyle is right now. That's what it looks like. Yeah. free shit at you. That's where Kyle is right now. That's what it looks like. Look at this remote control beast of a thing that he brought over. I assure you, he didn't pay for that at all. That's the remote. I just turned it

fucking off and reset the sequence. The iPod goes in the middle. Or a phone. There's room for both. And your cell phone works just fine for controlling the thing as well, but my cell phone battery is dying, and I'm hoping I can just control it with this.

That'd be pretty nifty. Yeah, every time my cell phone dies, I just use my $3,000 apparatus to control my drones. It's much more affordable than that if you want to go check out Parrot Drones. Let's see. I want to see this thing. I'm not positive that it'll...

It's got these blinking lights, and it takes... Oh, it just turned solid. We might be in business. Oh, yeah. It might not, though. So, is that one flying? Oh, it flies. flies i see because there's one that jumps uh yeah that's um what the fuck is the jump stay on mission kyle there's one that's okay it's right there yeah it can jump on counters and stuff with that tripod dick that that that spring loaded it loads up on command and fires it'll jump three feet in

the air it's tough as a motherfucker the dog gets this thing and shakes the fuck out of it and it's just like and runs away it's uh it's got a camera in it so you can look through your phone using wi-fi connection and like drive around your house and fuck with the dogs it's that's what i do with it i didn't tell you we may have another dying dog on our hands. God damn. Is it the lab? No. It's the other Great Dane.

How old is it? Three, four, something like that. It's turning me off of purebreds. But here's the symptom. She has spots in her eyes, like ink blots or something like that. And apparently, so my wife took a good picture and sent it to the vet. the symptom she has like spots in her eyes like ink blots or something like that and apparently so my wife took it like a good picture and sent it to the vet and the vet said that it looked like it was a cyst and they're like if the ink things move you're okay if they're not moving that means it's probably malignant and it's been a couple days and jack Jackie grabbed it. But I see her in the couch shaking the dog's head and stuff like that.

And they don't move. It's been days. She's run and stuff like that. So she's going to go meet the vet, and the vet will take a look at her. But they think it's cancer. Oh, that's rough. That sucks. Have you thought about getting another dog to replace Jack? She has been aggressively campaigning for another dog, and I would like to take a breath. So, so far, we've been doing my thing, but I don't know what happens in the long term. If two dogs drop, then I'd be much more inclined to go back up to two. That's kind of where I think our right spot is.

But we'll see. It might even be that Harley's not sick, and then we've got a decision to make on three. But, yeah. Do you want the same kind of dog if you do get another one, or are you looking for another Great Dane or something like that? So Jackie would really like a Great Dane. Me, I watch this college humor video

on the purebreds have you seen it it's really good I've shown it to Kyle I know it we haven't watched it on air have we I'm not positive I wonder if it's bad to watch that one it just feels like they'd be more college humor video too

the TGIS and stuff right like it isn't some random guy but anyway they humorously make the point that purebred dogs, you should really think of them as inbred dogs, that it's not like there are dog breeds or anything. They're just people selectively breeding dogs to make really fucked up things happen. Like mine has a smushy face. Mine is gargantuan like a horse.

And they just breed them together. And in the video, if College Humor is the source, they say that it only takes a little bit of backing off on some of the features you're targeting for them to get healthier and to have a little more genetic diversity in there.

So I'm like, why not a great Bernard or a great Mastiff? Or, I don't know. That's what you should get if you're going to get a dog. Get a dog like that. Even if it's a purebred, a bulldog, or one of those dogs with the mushed up faces. That dog was just bred to have shitty breathing. It can't breathe.

It can't do anything. There's a reason that when they're running around, they're like... It's because it can't fucking breathe it's not cute it can't breathe it wasn't designed to be able to live those things wouldn't exist in the world so i'm trying to sell that same point to jackie like you know like let's back like great danes especially like like we have had two purebred great danes and neither of them seem to be as healthy as we'd like them to be. Like if we could just back off and get a little genetic diversity, we could still have a great big dog because we like them.

But like I'm making up – I don't even know if Great Bernard is a real thing. I think it is. But, you know, we could still have a big dog. It doesn't have to be Great Dane. I think it's a St. Bernard. Well, this would be a Great Dane-St. Bernard mix. Ah, reasonable. Yeah, Great Mastiff, a St. a saint mastiff i don't know

just take a couple big dog breeds put them together and uh and then you'd have a lot more genetic diversity than you would with you know either one being a purebred that's the thought process but um it's all a work in progress i failed i couldn't get it connected then my phone died so normally they work just fine, but my phone is dead. Well, he showed you how quick and easy they are to assemble. Yeah, they fly around. They'll fly all around the house. And I don't know what the range is.

It seems to be like 75, 80 feet or something like that. And I don't think I've ever ran out of range. That's pretty impressive. But it's really fun because you can fuck with people. It's horrifying when it comes at you. It really is. Yeah. I haven't been in it person but he's i've seen him flying a lot and when it hits near the mic it's like a tornado coming at you there's there's so much more um like downdraft than you would ever think it's got so when you um i've flown my big one my the uh

the parrot drone indoors and if it gets too close to the ceiling, the downdraft, the suction, just sucks it straight to the ceiling. It hits the ceiling, dies, and then slams on the floor, so you've got to be careful about that. I had that thing out in the field the other day, just hauling ass, just full tilt forward going like that. I don't know how fast it's going.

It's not like that turbo-powered one that everybody saw on Reddit, but it would chase a man down, maybe 15 miles an hour, something like that. Have you guys, on terms, is it new topic time? Yeah, I want to get to that slam poetry at some point. Yes, I'm happy with that. But George Zimmerman got shot, or shot at, or something like that. You're shitting me.

You didn't catch that? Nah, you're lying. George Zimmerman is living the quiet life somewhere because he's not retarded, right? And he changed his name to like Javier or something in the future. It appears that it's not his fault. And a lot of people are like, it seems like nothing he can do is not his fault nowadays. But it looks like he was in a road rage incident. And here, I'll give you a link.

Yeah, let's see. So it looks like he was in a road rage incident, and someone who seems to have known him saw him driving and started shooting at him. And Zimmerman, while while armed did not shoot back it's shocking it's difficult for me to blame him on this one he got shot yeah just almost to try and hide like I'm not the guy that shot that black kid if there's anything that would motivate you to drop that last 25 pounds, it would be that kind of infamy.

Like, I would change my name to something ethnic, lose all that weight, and you'd be good. Make sure in the future they know that you're part Latino so that you're not the white guy that murdered the black guy. You know, the black child. You don't want to be that guy anymore. They really did him wrong, man. Now, dude, I'm going to quickly gonna quickly if i can go through some of the other problems he's had of course everyone knows zimmerman shot trayvon martin uh you can say it was self-defense you can say he was out there hunting as part of his community watch it's all

debatable but here are some other ones um let's see earlier this year he was he was arrested in july in january in connection with a domestic dispute. He was accused of throwing a wine bottle at his girlfriend, but prosecutors dropped the charges after she recanted. Did he throw it? Did he not? I don't know. He was arrested in November 2013 after allegedly pointing a gun at a different girlfriend during an argument. Those charges were dropped after the woman withdrew her complaint.

I see what's going on. He's putting the pressure on these people. That's why he's... Is George Zimmerman a supervillain? He's drawn the attention... Witnesses, and there's random attempts on his life. Who is this guy? He's drawn the attention of authorities over accusations that he had threatened his then-estranged wife.

The article's not easily formatted like a bullet point, but apparently he's got a bunch of other things. He doesn't seem like he's the guy you want to hang your like, like, look this is what gun owners truly are. He just saved a neighborhood. Like, you know, it's like, like George comes into the bar to hang out with you and your pals. He used to be old friends. He's like, ah, George is, George is here. I think, you know, I'm gonna go see what the wife's doing back. I think she had a book club, and I'm going to sit in on that. That guy's nothing but trouble. So it looked like he was making a U-turn to leave.

Apperson, the guy that shot, pulled up alongside his vehicle, pulled out a gun, and shot his gun through his passenger window into Zimmerman's driver's side window. J-style. Was he shot or just shot at? At first they said he was shot, but now it looks like he just had minor wounds from flying glass and debris. Ah.

We'll see. He was treated and released from the hospital. So it's hard to say that he was bad in this one at all. It looks like he got – so he moved away from where all this went down, but he was there visiting his mother or mother-in-law, something like that. And so he was, like, back in town for some reason. And while there, he got recognized and attempted murdered.

Wow. Who would think that he would be recognized? You know, so crazy, considering he's changed so much about his public appearance. He hasn't even grown his fucking hair out. At this point, I don't even feel bad for him. Like, just grow your hair out.

Change your hairstyle. Lose some weight. He's lost that weight. He would look like a different man. I swear to God I'd change my name. It's not a big deal getting your name changed. You can get a lawyer to get on that and then you sign a few papers

and it's done. You can do that in a few days. And if he was smart i really would go with something ethnic like i wouldn't want to be george george is a white man's name and uh and you don't want that anymore javier martinez isn't he fucking jorge domingo jesus just go with jesus yeah yeah you fucking pronounce it right, motherfucker. I'm Spanish. Let's be clear. I'm checking the boxes on the surveys and everything. No more mistakes.

Can we watch my slam poetry? It's not mine. Don't let me take credit for it. There's this scumbag subreddit out there that I found this on, and it's quite funny. Then let's watch it. This is Kyle's slam poetry that he's taking credit for. I have the link. Yeah. I'm cute at zero.

I too am cute at zero. Let me go to the big screen. You just linked it again. Poet destroys man with words. That's it? That's it. That's it. Are you ready? Mark, are you ready? Yes. Do you want me to call it? I feel like it's kind of a shock. Yeah, go right ahead. You're the host. Mark, are you ready? I didn't hear you. I am ready at zero. Three, two, one, play. Round three, it's on roll. Let's go. Yo, Tech. So I worried

they'd paint me simply if fat jokes are all I bring for tea, but he's the first really fat guy I've battled, so this is I like him so far. Y'all might get mad at me. Shit, I might lose all my fat friends. Oh, wait, I don't have any. I like him so far. So if regular fat people wear big tees with their bathing suits, you take it to the next level and probably bathe in suits. I mean, I'd clown him about his outfit, but his face looks like he's drowning. You don't have a lazy eye.

You have a lazy face around it. You have a lazy face around it You look like the Teflon Don if he was covered in Teflon Or a walrus who dipped all of his blubber and Exxon fuck a bug He's killed any mammal he stepped on if Biggie saw saw this piggy, he would think he was dead wrong. I mean, as far as food, what we got today? Lobster face? Pasta plate? He's black and Islamic.

What the fuck is he, a chocolate shake? I mean, you're too fat to walk over subway grates, but you're in the Hall of Fame with Jared as the subway grates. I mean, fucking your blood pressure is higher than the price of a brick. You are addicted to steaks if we're talking life on the strip. We would need a whole tray to put ice on your wrist and your fingers are too fat so you fucking type with a stick. Wow. This is brutal. Oh no, it's getting, no he's warming up. This is brutal.

Oh, no. It's getting... No, he's warming up. This is five minutes long? But fuck jokes. I'll use reality to show that they're lame. The joke would be, you probably need two seats whenever you sit on an airplane. The reality would be,

if you sat next to me on an airplane, it wouldn't ruin my night. It wouldn't ruin my flight. It would ruin my life. His coming down the aisle with hard steps and short breath. Please, God, don't let him sit here. I'd be praying

with palms clenched. Sit down and you're drenched from your breast to your forehead. Fuck two seats. Largfest could only fit a park bench. In case of emergency landing, he'd need an extra large vest. If he has the window seat, the sun's eclipsed by your chest. And I be hard pressed i'd be hard pressed to stay meta like art test because this guy can't keep his side fat off of the armrest i mean i feel awkward this is so for that guy who has to walk up and down back and forth in front of

this other dude right i mean it's a tight nice little package, but I promise all that's real. You are inconvenient to be around. How awful does that feel? I mean... I mean his his gains Could be alleviated and his pains could be abbreviated with a diet and exercise maybe trying to be creative it's really basic but the only time that he's creative is making tacos with ice cream is the freaking he's got a million ways to sweeten cakes but not one way to lean his face in all his room for cheese and

bacon but let me guess the greens were taken but people treat it like it's a disease a sickness to be mediated misleading statements from the media they deviate it like it's fat shame and I sickness to be mediated. Misleading statements from the media, they deviate it like it's fat shaming. I can't take it. I'm trying to decrease your weight, and that benefits you, so you can show some appreciation. I mean, the fact that you're fat. Wow.

The dude has to drink water to try and play it down. Says so much about you as a man. No long-term goals, no perseverance You can't stick to a plan You only care about yourself You're stuck in your selfish ways And none of your family members care enough about you to help you change But they say Big T's the man

Like that'll help him magically Of course you're the man, dog You motherfucking have to be You have to be cool or funny just to get an advantage Otherwise you wouldn't have a single friend on this planet I mean I mean fucking fat people make less money they get promoted less they're more likely to be alone or to suffer an early death and I get pissed because you have kids and your children are gonna grow and it's a tragedy because being fat is all that

they'll ever know when your daughter was born you probably weighed 355 pounds. If he'd walked a mile a day since then, he'd be skinny by now. So I don't give a fuck if I lose today or fucking lose the race. Bro, you can't win at life until you fucking lose the weight, bro. Oh my god.

That was... Evisceration. It doesn't get any worse than that. He tore him completely apart. Oh my god. Like, when he said, you're inconvenient to be around, you could tell that the other guy was, like, uncomfortable

by that comment, because it's the truest thing ever. Like, just something that cutting, that biting. How could you tell it was the only thing in frame? It was the only thing in frame. Yeah, I'm with Melissa. I couldn't tell what the other guy, I thought the other guy played it off pretty cool

as far as I know, but it was so mean. Like when he said you'll earn less money it's a shame you have children it like he held nothing back yeah oh that was i mean that was his job and he did it better than i think anyone else could have that i thought that yeah that was it was amazing and it was he was good i'd like to see more things from him i'm sure he doesn't always tear apart fat guys. I'd like to see what he does to some other opponent. That guy was talented. What if you found out that he did it just

the same way right after that, but because he just did a terrible race? You make like 30 people promote unless you're a comfortable to be around. You're uncomfortable to be around. That wasn't the, to me, that was just a transitional one. Like, he opened up with, like, hey, I've never done a fat guy, so this is big for me. And it's like, LOL, I get it.

That's punny. Yeah. But then as he's closing and talking about, like, you're not going to live as long. You're not going to get promoted. You're going to earn less money. You are unsuccessful. This is all because earn less money. You are unsuccessful. This is all because of you. Your children are doomed.

You're like, you know. Doomed. Yes. It's much about you as a man. No perseverance. No something else. Your family is enablers. You know, they call you the man.

You have to be funny or something else just to... What was the other one? Just to get an advantage or something. Yeah, so many great points. True stuff. It was very... I hate to say it's true because I feel like it says I endorse it, but... It is true.

Those are harsh facts. That's what those were. See, Woody didn't say he thought that was a good point, but if you're listening in the car, his slight eyebrow raise shows that he's tacitly agreed. Harsh facts. Oh, my God. That was hilarious.

That guy should do comedy, not just slam poetry, which I think is kind of douchey as a whole. Yeah, he looked like he had some chops. Maybe if he used that same style, but it was a comedy bit, I feel like that would be a unique kind of delivery. What if it was slam poetry comedy? Are you allowed to be

uncomfortably mean in a stand-up comedy routine? What if he was going after the crowd with that? What if he was picking on the crowd with a verse or two for each guy in the crowd or something? You need to get the crowd to line up with your way of thinking. Like, Louis C.K. did this thing, but maybe, right?

I think Taylor probably wasn't impressed by this routine, but he's like, you know, if you get shot while you're in action in the U.S. Army in Iraq or whatever, yeah, it's a tragedy. I get it. It's awful. Whatever. But maybe we shouldn't have started that war. You shouldn't have flown or whatever. Yeah, it's a tragedy. I get it. It's awful. Whatever. But maybe we shouldn't have started

that war. You shouldn't have flown over there. You shouldn't have done all these things that led up to it happening. The way that you tell those jokes involves getting the audience to see your side. This just shocked your audience. I don't know if it would

work. I think that's the nature of the show the like the competition that they're doing like yeah i doubt whatever that guy had already said to the white guy was very kind it was probably unkind yes but i doubt he could hold a candle to that drop the bike after that thing yeah i'm pretty sure he won after that he just left and they they said they mailed him the trophy like there was no need to continue yeah yeah and if i'm that guy i feel like it was like that scene from eight mile when eminem uh goes off and you know the final rap battle or whatever and he's like here tell me you know it's just over the guy doesn't want the microphone eminem like tore himself apart and owned everything that could possibly be said about

him and then he's like go ahead tell him something mean about me that I haven't already said. And it's like, actually, those were the things I was going to say. Dude, that was so harsh. I'm still shaken up by it a little bit. And you know why? Because there's a lot of harsh truth in there. Right? If he had just said, like, the sidewalk crumbles as you walk across it, it wouldn't have impacted me.

No. That's true. Sidewalks don't crumble. It was, like, biting remarks about his manhood, about his ability to be a functional human being. It wasn't just, like, you're so fat that the fucking sidewalk crumbles or whatever the hell. Like, it was true mean things wings of redemption sat next to a guy in coach on the way out to the billionaires challenge and the guy didn't like sitting next to wings and um it hurt wings is feeling so much

that i think that guy said something really cruel to him um i don't know i don't know what he said but i think he asked the stewardess if he could sit somewhere else um he didn't like he didn't say anything cruel like this rap battle guy it was just clear that that guy really really really didn't want to share you know a seat with the wings his overhang and uh it hurt wings is feeling so much he felt trapped in california for the next whatever it was four or five. He really seriously contemplated renting a car and driving home from California to South Carolina. For people who don't know, that's probably a 40-hour drive. Even less at his speed.

It's a 50-hour drive. Wings drives safely. Four days later, oh, so this is the Grand Canyon. This is nice. So he he outlined in that poetry like you know i can picture you short shuffling walking sideways you know short of breath coming toward me as i think oh my god i hope it's not you sitting next to me and it was like wow that's a replay of what happened it Yeah, I don't know. It was striking. That was harsh. Yeah, that guy's very good at his job. I think I'm going to look up some more stuff from him later.

Yeah, what's his name? I want to look him up later and see what other shit he's got. I don't know. I like slam poetry in general. I like all that stuff, all that spoken word stuff. Often those are really, I don't know, touching in a way. They're really good. Powerful, I guess, is the word I'm looking for.

I saw one about a guy who was bullied throughout his childhood, and he was a really big, heavy, ugly guy, and he had this really, really good thing that went on and on about how it made him feel, and at the end of it, like everybody in my house, is crying. So I like that stuff. Speaking of crying, I mentioned it on our Civ stream last night. Taylor, have you ever seen Sling Blade?

Oh, I have. He's just a boy. He's just a boy. You won't know me talking like that. Billy Bob Thornton is a fucking master, alright? So he's like 5'10", I think. But he's got this Billy Bob Thornton is a fucking master, alright? So he's like 5'10", I think. But his stature changes

dramatically in this movie. He bends his knees down. He's sort of a hunching. Then he bends his back forward and his neck goes all the way like this. Then he like fakes an underbite. And he talks like this. But he won't make no

eye contact with you. And he's always talking, but he wouldn't make no eye contact with you. And he always talking about them French fried potatoes. That fatted meat product was real tasty. Mostly, I just stayed out there in the shed and had a little dugout spot and threw a quilt or two down in it. And mama would bring me mustard and biscuits two or three times a week. It's so... This sounds horrible this sounds so bad i don't want to see this movie i don't i've never cried more in a movie than

than than this movie and it was i had seen it before but i'd never but it's so sad that i think in the past i'd kind of done that thing where you halfway pay attention so it doesn't affect you but i was sitting in bed in the dark watching this movie from beginning to end hearing every note and i was picking up on things um like like carl's character wasn't as mentally challenged as he actually was it was because of the way they they raised him because you can clearly see carl learning new words that he's never learned before in the span of the movie he learns um his he learns that when you talk about your history that means your past and, and then he repeats it later. He does a lot of things like that. You see him opening up and coming out of his shell, learning stuff. That makes it even more sad. And then the father-son relationship that he forms with the boy, where the boy's father

is dead, and Carl never had a father, and they just bond together. And there's this part where he puts his arm around the boy right before he's going to make this great sacrifice for the boy. And he's just like, I want to put my arm around you for a minute. And the boy's just like, all right, Carl. And he just puts his arm around him. They sit there on these stumps beside each other. Tears are pouring down my face.

I'm just trying not to lose it. And he goes, I love you, boy. And he goes, I love you too, Carl. And I was going... It was so fucking sad. But it's on Netflix. If you want to watch it, I highly recommend it. It's a sad movie, but I think it's so fucking good.

It's such a great film. And it's not sad the whole way through. There's funny stuff. film and it's not sad the whole way through it's there's funny stuff parts there's a lot of melissa showed it to me i had never heard of it until she had me watch it that scene where uh dwight yokum um uh is that who it is or is it yes dwight yokum he's playing the abusive like stepfather kind of role and he has this drunken tirade and there happens in the what there's a gay guy in the house there's all his band mates they have a stupid band and there's carl who's mentally handicapped and he's going

off like i want all the goddamn faggots and retards and cripples and he's like rolling the guy in the wheelchair against a wall like get the fuck out and he's throwing he's just losing his shit coming completely apart and everybody it's awkward. Everybody's just like, nobody knows what to say. I love that movie. I've seen it three times, but never paid as much attention as I did a couple nights ago. It's really good, though. Check it out.

And you have to give that movie a chance, because when you first start watching it, and you see him with his jutted out lower jaw and the just ridiculousness of it, you're going to think like this is retarded, this is stupid, I'm not going to watch this but stick with it for a bit and

you will enjoy it because the character becomes more relatable. It's not just some jutted out jawed moron throughout the entirety of it. It gets more relatable. You have me curious. I'm curious. Accidental segue. How did you two meet?

At a grocery store, actually. I watched an episode of Happy Days where Richie Cunningham would ram people's carts as a way of meeting them. Was that his big move? That's exactly what happened. She had her cart of organic

meats and vegetables. I had my high-carb diet in there, and I just rammed her from the side. I thought, what an asshole. What a dick. And then I proved that point. So did you begin talking to her, Taylor, at the grocery store? I initiated contact with her. Yeah, I don't talk to people.

She's very quiet. Please tell me it began by stalking and following her around from aisle to aisle. Well, it was late at night. She was sleeping. I was breathing heavily on her window, knocking ever so silently, making kissy faces. You got to stalk her a little to make sure she's got all her fingers and both ears and everything. No ring. Yes, yes. Absolutely, yes. Well, the no ring thing was more of an ancillary detail.

I was more looking to make sure that she wasn't deformed, retarded, things like that. And she isn't. Well done. She's got me fooled now. I said, boy, no history of mental retardation or deformity. Very nice. I love that. That's good to know. So you spotted her grocery shopping,

and would you go past her aisle once or twice to get a look or two? I don't know why you said grocery shopping. That's not how we met This is great How did you It was Tinder please tell me it was Tinder No it wasn't Tinder It was Twitter

I know She actually Learned who I was Because she used to enjoy as far as I can tell Kyle's videos of guns And shooting because she used to enjoy, as far as I can tell, Kyle's videos of guns and shooting because she's a big gun enthusiast. Okay. A couple of gun enthusiasts and she listened

to PKA and she thought, my god, this handsome hilarious devil is on every so often and I need to learn more about him. No, I'm on every show. Do videos then. This handsome, as I can imagine, hilarious devil, his audio is excellent.

And that's what she thought. And so she reached out to me on Twitter and was talking to me about it. No, not quite. Not quite. Not quite. You tell the story then. Yeah, because that is my side of the story.

Don't you love this Genesis story, Woody? Without you and I, they would have never gotten together. You see that, right? Without my videos and our podcast, it never would have happened. No, I came across the prank calls with early PK episode prank calls with Kyle playing FBS Russia, what, whatnot. And,

um, I was like, Oh, these are funny. And then I came across the podcast that way. And then they were on like pod pod bean back then. There was no video. And,

uh, Taylor was a guest at one point and he's the only guest that I was like, Oh, like this guy is funny. I'll start listening to his videos because I liked video games and zombies. So I listened to his videos and then I tweeted at you a question at one point and I didn't like his answer in his video. I was like, oh, what an asshole. Like, I'm not going to listen to him anymore. Listening to him for an entire summer.

And I was like, oh, I'm done. I am done with this guy. And, or at least listening to you. And then at the end of the summer, I was like, oh, let's see what Taylor's up to. Can I ask what the question and answer was that turned you off so much? I don't recall. But. I don't. It was. I don't remember.

But it was a snarky answer. Oh, that sounds completely possible. Me being snarky is fucking ridiculous. I used to tweet out all the time. I mean, I know Kyle follows me on Twitter, so he knows. I would just tweet out, like, you know, give me some topics for a video because I'm not going to come up with my own that's for peons and so i have people send me questions and whatnot and i guess that you sent me a question that i responded to

in a cunty way yeah i was like oh do you think you're smart he does yes but anyways i tweeted another question at you about school because i also studied psychology in college so uh i just started asking you about that and it wasn't but later that afternoon we were messaging each other on skype and then skype for like seven hours or something. See, because I immediately like my, because she tweeted me about, because I posted something about, I was taking a neuroscience class at the time and I posted a picture of my textbook. No, I asked you what textbook you were using.

Oh, well then she asked me what textbook I was using and then I posted a picture of it and we started getting into conversation and before I knew it, of it and we started getting into conversation and Before I knew it we were talking like in text But I still didn't believe it because I knew the internet and how ridiculous it can be and so I assumed that she was a big fat fucking man and You know Kentucky catfishing you know masturbating while he was talking to me and so Very good masturbating while he was talking to me. I'm still catfishing you. She's very good.

Leroy! So we kept talking that way, and then when we finally video-Skyped, I was like, alright, this is the same woman in the picture, the same attractive lady, and not some big fat fuck in Kentucky. So we got that. It is because of you guys and your excellent podcast you moved to the boise area

i'm gonna make this up nine months ago something like that when did you move out there a bit longer than that but yeah did you guys see each other much in person before that move yeah we had yeah a few times before that. We'd hung out for a number of weeks. So this was actually kind of a bold move there. Like, you guys, it's not like you were together daily before he decided

to move over. It wasn't, I don't think it was that bold. Well, yes, from an outsider's perspective, it was bold, but not as much as we have in common. Yeah, you just knew it was too good. We have a weird amount of shit in common. Like what?

A weird amount of everything. Like just the same sense of humor. What did you say we don't have in common? We don't... Genitals. Yes, genitals. Yeah, that's like we... They're totally different. We do along really well. I Genitals. Yeah. That's like we... They're totally different.

We do along really well. I'm not as social. That's the other thing. That's the main thing. Difference between us is I've always been the social butterfly. Very... I just love to talk. And just be the center of attention.

I like to find people on the internet and stalk them. She did. It's true. Everyone needs a hobby. An extrovert feels like they get their attention. They get their energy from people being around them, and an introvert feels like it drains them. It's a different thing.

Kyle, you're probably like that as well. You like being the center of attention. You like being out there talking to people. I can go both ways. I bet I could describe him better. I think that Kyle likes it, but there's a timer on it too. Come two hours into it, he's ready to get out of there. He's had enough.

It depends. It depends on the situation. If you mean center of attention like I'm signing autographs or something, I don't care for that so much. That's a weird situation because oftentimes the way people approach me with those things are either way too familiar or way too like, oh, my God, I can't believe I'm here with you. So they're either one end of the spectrum or the other. Your opinion of yourself is not as high as their opinion of you.

And there's like a mismatch there. Yeah. So that'll happen. But if I'm like, I don't know, if I'm entertaining a group of friends or something and telling a story, like, yeah, sure, that's great. I like to do a little performance there. I've always talked with my hands and, you know, gotten really descriptive and felt like I was a good storyteller. My dad always told stories about stuff, you know, and he was always really good about

telling the story. There was one where he was a window washer. That was his job he had in his early 20s. And the window washer device, the thing you stand on that goes up the side of the building you stand on to do the squeegeeing and such it wasn't one of those metal caged in ones it's really safe and automatic it was a board, it was a 2x6

doubled up and on either side it had a winch and you had to winch one end of it up pretty hard and then winch the other end up and that's how you walked up the building and it just had some basic bracing and he's just talking about the ropes creak in and the boards warped in one spot and you're up there four stories and just i don't know i uh yeah i like being the center of attention sometimes yeah so when i get to when i go to youtube gatherings

there's usually someone there who's a better center of attention than me. I think Kyle's a better center of attention than me. Like Syndicate, you guys know him, the YouTuber, live streamer. Whenever I'm in the same room as him, it kind of feels like his star is a little brighter or something.

He's just good at being the center of attention. But you put me in your typical fucking Thanksgiving or high school graduation, I'm a star. Like amongst regular people, you know my stories are good and it's uh it's fun to be like you know it's fun to be that guy that like everyone's paying attention to i can dominate a book club but you kept uh you you mentioned that before about being in it where like yeah guys you are just the bell of the ball in the IT world. Just everybody's like, oh, back off, this is Woody's

camera tag. He's got a few tails for you. Woody, tell them about that time that you reformatted the server. Yeah, they'd always have me like, now Woody's going to present. Like amongst computer programmers, I'm a stand-up comic. You know? Like, you just tell, like, alright, everyone's going to talk about what they're thankful for this year.

And I would just go on about, you know, funny shit and the room is rolling. And, yeah. Another thing amongst IT professionals, especially in my 30s, whatever, it gets stolen from you. But I was an elite, an elite information technology athlete. They did this competition once where it was like an IT field day, and they brought in all these carnival rides or something, like rock climbing. We had these boxing gloves,

but each glove was like as big as a human torso that you box with. Nobody could hang with me i am just kicking kicking cis admin after computer programmer after web designers ass just light them up come on patel let's go so you were just beating the shit out of like, oh, chandelar, the 110 pound. Shreed of us, a tool, like Moondahby. None of them could hang with me. And there are other guys too.

Like even like, even like the other athletic it guys, not on my level. Oh no. If there were eight events, I got like six first places and nothing worse than third. I am an elite information technology athlete. You're in the presence of one right now.

And yeah, I used to brag like when I was doing Brazilian jiu-jitsu and stuff, I'd goof off like I'm the toughest guy in Cisco IT. I think I can take it. I think I can take everybody. The toughest guy in Cisco IT. I really think so. Wow, what a feat. Yeah, yeah. And yeah yeah so that stuff is fun it's a big fish little pool a little small pond i think so um i was just in my car the other day and i was thinking about you woody um i was thinking about like but shower go on yeah well i

was i like to do that in the car it kills time get in traffic what are you gonna do so i was thinking about like uh you know we've talked about how you're an award-winning dancer and how that's a credential credentials are an odd thing when you give someone's credentials they don't require any backstories so i was thinking about your credentials and what those credentials could um what what else those credentials would lean themselves to? So you are an ex-collegiate athlete with years of martial arts training. You're a millionaire. You're an award-winning performance artist.

And you've accrued a following of well over a million. So I thought you could easily, easily be a superhero, and what superhero would you be? And I thought with your swimming and everything, and your general look, because I imagined that picture of you with the beard, what hero? Better than Aquaman.

And so if you click that Giazzo, I had my GFX guy put that together for you. Oh my God. Perfect. Perfect. You had your GFX guy do that, or did you do that while drunk? Absolutely not.

No, he... No, I was like, there's a guy who kind of got him retainer, I guess you could say, and I was like, he needs to make this. Let's do this. So, I think that's hilarious. You could totally be Aquaman. That would be your superhero, wouldn't it, do you think do you empathize with another one more

because aquaman makes sense for you i i think aquaman aquaman is the one yeah it's gotta be i yeah i used to you know who's actually gonna play him right uh who no it's the same actor yeah close it's the same actor who played uh karl drogo in the game of thrones oh it's the same actor. Yeah close. It's the same actor who played a Khal Drogo in the Game of Thrones Oh, yeah, Carl that go So that's actually your face placed on his body just so you know you're on called on Carl Oh, you didn't use my body as well Your superhero doppelganger be? I'm trying to pick one for you.

The Punisher. The Punisher. I don't know. I don't know him well enough to have an opinion. I don't know. I guess the guns and I drive a sports car. And I don't know. It just seems like the way to go.

I like Frank Castle. I think The Punisher is cool. The movies were pretty great. The first one was good. It was a little too kiddy. The Punisher's a guy whose family was all murdered and then he kind of takes it upon himself to lay down vigilante justice with just violence.

Just complete vigilante. Just guns and knives and stuff. That'd be a cool superhero to be. Sounds good. It's basic and it's not silly. No powers or anything. I just shoot people. I was thinking the human torch. Because knowing your sexual history, you probably have experienced a burning sensation. Never.

Never. Save sex only kids. That's the only way. Or find a partner who is pro-choice. And that works too. It's still my Skype status. It's a quote from Kyle. One of my favorite qualities in a woman

is that she'd be pro-choice. That's true. That's a typical quality in Georgia. I think it's actually one of the qualities in a woman I look for is that she'd be pro-choice. I might have messed up the quote, but something like that. Both are true.

Both work. Yeah. So, topics. It's always me. Oh, this is kind of fun. Do you want to talk about earthquakes? I know nothing. I'll need some leading either just seems like there's an earthquake every day but it's in nepal are they even real people i don't care about those

until the earth opens up and some white people fall in and like beverly hills like it's just not gonna i just won't know about it if If poor people die... If you hear about someone named Samantha dying in an earthquake, no one's going to give a shit. I mean, it's a bigger story if a blonde girl is kidnapped. Yeah, totally. Sure. It's true. I don't know what it is.

I feel awful for saying it. It's just a joke. But I swear when... Oh, my God. I'm going to say this out loud. It just seems when a country of poor people die, you're like, eh. Oh my God. Look at Kyle sinking down in his seat.

Come on. Everyone listening is thinking the same thing. I don't know. If all of a sudden Ghana opened up and the sandworms killed a bunch of people you just you're not thinking of all of our nepalese listeners uh i just you know like if this had happened in the netherlands or something and it's not a race thing really it's totally a economic thing you know if it had happened in the netherlands or if it happened in I don't know.

Where's some other relatable country that's not just white people? Brazil? Brazil, I guess. What's a relatable country that's not white people and you can't think of one? I keep all those brownies anyway.

Who are the people I care about who aren't white? This is so awful. It's brilliant. Bring on the hate. I'll be offline mowing my yard. But yeah, it just seems a little less relatable when like, you know, concrete without rebar falls down or something like that you're like yeah that that's

just like a completely different place different building standards no wonder that happened wow yeah all right those poor poor poor people yes yes so yeah i don't really that's like i mean, I keep hearing about people buried alive and stuff, and they brought in some sort of... I guess we sent some technology over there, because they got some fucking heartbeat sensor they're using to dig people out. You know, they didn't come up with that shit. You mean you don't think

they had those readily available? No, we're the only ones with fucking heartbeat sensors. Melissa's staying over there out of trouble entirely. She's like, there out of trouble entirely. She's like, don't unfollow me on Twitter. I have nothing to do with Woody. You might want a real job one day, Melissa.

You just keep, you just call that fuck down. Woody just talked. Like, Woody knows he'll never have to work a real job. He can say whatever he wants. He can go on racist tirades. What's he going to be, a politician? That's over, too. He knows that. Yeah, that's fucked.

I used to daydream about that. This'll come up. Yeah. So, Mr. Gamertag, some have called into question whether or not you are an appropriate choice for state senator, since you're going to sit on many foreign affairs committees and other committees that would

deal with foreign issues when you say things like this. And when those four people die, who gives a fuck, right? Am I right? Who's with me? And then that's the news clip. And you're like, well, nobody really cares about it.

Let's be real. Come on. I'll just do what Kyle does and double down on everything ridiculous I say. That would be Woody's response. That's not what I want to talk about. I want to talk about how much our hard-earned American tax dollars are going to those countries. That's what I want to talk about.

You just got to twist it around. Be a politician. Don't answer that shit. Kyle's good at that stuff. I feel like on a scale of 1 to 10, when it comes to handling social situations or whatever, I'm not bad. I'm like a 7.5 or 8-ish or something. Best in IT. Best in Cisco IT.

But Kyle is like an alpha 10, like the other 10s come to him. And I was like, I'm going to be in this situation where probably people are going to put their palm out and ask for advice or a promotion or something like that. And Kyle's like, oh, always say yes. Oh, yes. Yes, absolutely. I'd love to do that. You want to talk to Kitty. She arranges all those things.

And then he has someone else do his knowing for him. Or put it like, yeah, yeah, dude, I would love to do this. This sounds fantastic. Kitty has my rates and schedules for me. And then all of a sudden, it's like, yeah, you got to pay for what you're asking for. Yeah, because sometimes it's a good kind of lie. It's not really even a lie. It's just a non-truth.

I could say, they'll say something. That is such a sociopath thing to say. A 10 out of ten in sociopath things Here's what he said to me Please don't mention the company or the situation. I don't want to attack them, but so this guy approached me while I was playing paintball I wasn't at the event. I was just playing paintball on the weekend like I'm just on my own playing paintball I don't have an FPS Russia badge on I'm just playing paintball wearing a mask half the time But it wasn't long before.

I guess the paintball crowd is likely to know me, it seems. So there's a crowd of people there, and I was getting to know them all, and we was playing with them. And there was one guy in particular who seemed really keen on hanging out with me and playing with me, and I was cool with all that. And then at the end of the day, he's like, I've got this podcast I do, and I'd really love to interview you on it. And I'm thinking, like, I just wouldn't care to do that.

It's not that I have anything against you. I just wouldn't like to spend my time that way. And that's just how I feel on the inside. That's nothing against you. Don't want to do it. However, it just seemed cruel to say that to him. So I said, look, you contact this person. She kind of makes those decisions for me.

You email here. If there's a way to work it out, then we'll do it. And that's true. If there's a way to work it out, then we'll do it. And that's true. If there were a way to work it out, if he was like, well, come on. My dad owns Texan, so maybe I just pay you, you know, your rate per hour. I don't even know what Texan is, but I bet it's wealthy. Done. Yeah, yeah.

Just let's make it happen, you know, whatever. If you could pay me to come on. I mean, everybody wants to get paid for their time. That's time that I would normally be spending doing something you know constructive and enriching like playing civilization into the wee morning hours it's so draining uh yeah so so like sometimes i'll be like oh this is gonna happen and kyle's like this is what i would say and it's like oh i'm burning that one in that's where the names go i take shit like that and store it instead

you don't approach the guy behind the counter at a place that you want a job at and and he doesn't he's not he doesn't go yes or no like there's plenty of managers who hand you a job application in their head they're like fucking wasting your time bro but you don't say that because it's not professional it's the same it's the same exact thing same Same exact thing. So the other thing you don't want to do either is just say yes all the time. Oh, yeah, sign me up. You asked. It's awkward to say no, so now I'm going to start working for you. Yeah, that stinks too.

No, I've always been good at saying no. I think some people have a hard time doing that, but I figured that one out. All right. Do we need a new uh question for the group I want to start with Melissa what did 13 year old you consider to be the greatest thing ever oh man um unfortunately oh unfortunately the preoccupation i had when i was 13 was obtaining a video game console because i could not convince my mom to buy me one for like seven years before that which console would that have been for 13 year old you well i was trying to decide between a ps2 and a gamecube ended up with a ps2

good call good call that's the better one yeah that's the way to be but that was that was my life i was like i have to get one of those i wasn't allowed my mom's like those are for boys really she discouraged you from gaming because it was too masculine? Yes. She's like, no, you're going to get sick of that. That's for boys. Boys enjoy that. I'm going to buy that for you, and it'll be a big waste of money because you're going to get sick of it in about a month.

It didn't happen, did it? No. No. My parents discouraged gaming because I prioritized it over things that mattered, like school and real life and things like that. Yeah, that happened a little later. See, when Woody was a 13-year-old, he wanted the latest hieroglyphics tablet. And his parents said, no, Woody, you can't have that.

And he just kept at it until he got it. It was a Super Nintendo. And the game that I was kind of addicted to was Zelda. I don't know if I beat it or not, but I would just play that thing forever and ever and ever. Oh, I'd never beat the Super Nintendo games because Mom didn't understand the concept of saving and just unplug the motherfucker to vacuum.

It's part of the reason I don't talk to her to this day. I never made it to the last world in Mario 3 and I never will because of that and I will hold that against her until she's dead. Yeah, I played Super Mario Brothers when it was new. I played it when it was an arcade game. It was a good one. I played it when I was five, so that was 1991. That's when I had my regular NES with Mario. I remember 91. i graduated high school that murka what did 13 year old you consider to be the greatest thing ever

oh you think well that's when i was playing hockey like pretty seriously and a lot as a goalie and i wanted my dad because you go to those hockey stores and my dad would want to take me to like play it again sports or some shit where i could go pick up used goalie pads and for those of you who aren't aware goalie pads are expensive as shit like they they're incredibly pricey and he wanted to get me some used pads and i just had my heart set on this new pair of TPS pads. Don't remember the brand. And they were like $1,400, $1,600 just for the leg pads. They were incredibly nice for the time.

And I had my heart set on those. And then my birthday or Christmas, some shit came around. And I thought I was getting those. Have you ever thought you were getting a gift, and then you didn't get the gift? It's fucking awful. Awful, because you're, like, anticipating your thanks of, like, all right, I'm going to open these, and then be like,

oh, thank you so much, Dad, thank you so much, Mom. You're already planning what you're going to do with the thing. Exactly. You're, like, thinking about going out and using them. I'm going to rink this weekend. Yep, exactly. Exactly. And opened it, and it was not that. It the rink this weekend. Yep, exactly. Exactly. And opened it and it was not that.

It was not what I wanted. What was it? It was pads but in a different color so they didn't match the color matters. Oh my god. The color matters. You are like a sweet 16 girl who doesn't like the color of her BMW at

this stage. But I didn't want a BMW. I wanted a black and white set of TPS goalie pads. Were they used? Yes. How do you sell used goalie pads? You've told me how they smell. These aren't like...

How do you get that out? You don't. You just deal. But these were like leg pads, so those don't absorb as much smell. But I opened it, and I was just, I just had to know. And looking back, I know that the look on my face when I opened them was probably enough to cut my parents to the core of like the, like just the sadness that i was emanating for not getting what i want but uh yeah that's what i wanted when i was 13 and i was wholly disappointed mom dad come on i had a similar situation i i wanted a trans am and they got me a a new chevrolet truck and i was just like i i couldn't be appreciative and and that makes that i'm sorry but i couldn't be appreciative. I'm sorry, but I couldn't be.

Maybe that makes me a shitty person, but I had my heart set on that Trans Am. I didn't even want a new one. I wanted a much cheaper vehicle. Instead, he bought me a $35,000 truck, and that's not what I fucking wanted. I didn't want a truck like the rest of this fucking rednecks. I wanted a sports car so I could get some pussy,

and it was absurd. It was absurd. He got me that truck, And I did not want it. We both sound like spoiled, petulant children. He picks me up from school. He's like, this is yours. And I'm just like, you just bought this? He was like, yeah, yeah.

Just left the dealership, wherever it was. I was just like, you already signed the papers and everything? I was like, we can't just. Is this like the test drive we're on now because let's park this motherfucker and go to the used car lot and get me a fucking trans am can i sell this back and buy three trans right that's what i wanted in my i i almost wanted to be like could you just could you put me on the title if it's mine blah blah blah and then like and then just fucking cash that son of a bitch in at the used car like come back with a car like i don't care the trans am was all i wanted that's all i cared about i

wanted it so bad that and and he didn't he didn't come through with it the thing i was most focused on when i was 13 though um i think 14 was paintball i think at 14 i got my first paintball gun and i got really, really into that. So at 13 I think it was probably hunting and at that age it was most likely bow hunting. I think I was really into that. I was all about looking up the specs on different compound bows and wanting the carbon fiber arrows and the graphite arrows. I want these broad heads that open up

two and a half inches wide of razor blade on impact. And they're held in place with, with, uh, rubber bands or like, no, no, I want the triple razor blade that, that, you know, and always just coming up with new stuff like that. I was, I was really into that for a while. Uh, that's probably what I was into at 13 was just shooting deer with a bow. I was into jet skiing at 13 that was my thing it uh my parents had bought my brother and i a used jet ski when i was like 12 but by the time i was 13 he had grown tired of it like we didn't have a trailer behind a car so you had to like push it on this cart with a handle kind of like ever see those things where you put it under a trailer so

you can move it around the car lot it was like that but it balanced a jet ski and we live two blocks from the ocean which isn't a very far push but then pushing it across the soft sand into the water was so hard it was like a 40 minute full effort body pull to drag that thing across the sand. And my brother who wasn't, uh, it wasn't, wasn't into physical work. It was just like, fuck that. I'd rather not go jet skiing. The other option was to push it like two miles to the, uh, to the boat ramp by the bay. And that was also awful. So, uh, uh, but I was down for it and I would go jet skiing all the time. By the time I was 13, it kind of unofficially became mine because I was like fixing it, and I would go jet skiing all the time. By the time I was 13, it kind of unofficially became mine because I was fixing it and maintaining it and using it every day,

and he had lost interest in it, and that was my passion. How can someone that old lose interest in a jet ski? I don't understand that. Those are the most fun things ever. Was it not powerful? You can't frown on a jet ski. It was plenty powerful. It was an old Kawasaki 440 or old at this point.

That's odd. Yeah, it would do the trick. Also, I mean, maybe some of the... I was good at it. I was also into surfing at the time and water sports, like I just sort of took to them really quickly. And, you know,

let's say that every time you went out jet skiing with me, you got shown up by your little brother. Would maybe that, you know, hurt your interest in it? So wait, are you telling me that when you were out on the water, it just didn't feel natural to be aboard that man-made craft? You wanted to be one with the waves. That's what it was. You were drawn to it, pulled, if you will. Yeah, I guess so dude i i love the water so much i was all when we moved to ocean city i instantly took to the water i would go out

i used to when i was a lifeguard i'd swim with dolphins like seven times a week like it would happen all the time and then when you swim with wild dolphins you don't really swim with them like you just swim nearby and they do whatever the fuck they want like i would like chase them Like it would happen all the time. And then when you swim with wild dolphins, you don't really swim with them. Like you just swim nearby and they do whatever the fuck they want. Like I would like chase them. And even though I was a good swimmer compared to a dolphin, I was fucking horrible. See,

growing up in Missouri, I can empathize with that because I would often walk in fields with cattle. Did you ever try to catch a cow? I've told that story several times, but have you ever tried to catch a cow? Oh, you can story several times, but have you ever tried to catch a cow? Oh, you can't catch them. They're faster than they look. There's no way you're catching a cow. No way. You can catch them. I defy you. I want to put you out in the field like grandparents cattle. You don't catch them on foot. You've got to be in a vehicle and you've got to have a chase driver and then you bail off and fucking tackle them.

If you have an ATV, yeah, you can catch a cow's how you catch cows you are absolutely never going to catch a cow that's not true so there's a there's a kind of um there's a kind of hunting that that primitive man did yeah you you run it's it's you exhaust the animal to death it's it's part we're the only primates apparently that are long distance runners and and part of the reason for that is because we evolved to be because that's how we hunted it in the beginning. We would run 20-30 fucking miles chasing, chasing a cow and we wouldn't give it a chance to stop and pant to cool off. They can't sweat, we can and we'd run them to death. Okay, well maybe 30,000 years ago that worked. You find one human being on this planet that can catch a cow right now.

Fucking go to the Boston Marathon, I'll get you sixhiopians off the front line that could run down any animal oh fuck you did i got six canyons that could catch your ethiopians don't even worry about that uh so i got hang on you were talking about the dolphins and it made me think of this picture um you have to scroll down just a bit to get to the particular image. It's actually a GIF, if you will. But I think this is a good reenactment of Woody with the dolphins.

Is anyone else getting content unavailable? Oh, it's... Scroll down. I did get content unavailable. Scroll down. This is Aquaman riding the dolphins? Yep. Yes. This is meaman riding the dolphins? Yep. Yes.

This is me in high school. Totally. That's what. Hairline's not quite as good, but that's fine. I used to surf. Well, I still do sometimes, but I surfed in high school too, and my parents got me a winter wetsuit for Christmas. It was kind of like Taylor's story, except I got what I wanted.

The thing was I didn't get it soon enough. So you can't surf without a warm wetsuit in a New Jersey winter, right? That's not going to happen. So I had to stop surfing sometime in October when my spring suit didn't cut it anymore. Then came Christmas, it was time to go surfing again. But it was like the snow was coming down heavy and I didn't care. I went surfing anyway in the snow. But yeah, that was my story. Just like Taylor. That's something I'd like to try someday. It takes a little while to get competent at it.

Like some people take two weeks to stand up. Two weeks? Yeah. I don't think I would have the patience to wait two weeks to be able to even stand my i had heard that and i knew it was common and like guys working at the surf shop that sold me my board and stuff said it and i was like man all right knowing this i stood up my first time ever and i'm like wow i'm such a natural like do you have that balance toy at at your new house it's in the garage you You should show off those balance

skills. I can. It's no big deal. I would love to see that. They're very impressive. I've looked for those. I don't know where to get them. I want one. The second part of that story was I didn't stand up again for two weeks. Oh. You should have left that out. Fuck that. Potentials.

No, but Kyle, I know that that's... The first time Woody's game attack touched a surfboard, he stood up. You just leave it at that. It's a credential. Colin's as good at balance stuff as I am, too. We could both get... You know what? I'd go get it.

Yeah, yeah, you'll get it. Those things are great. That was like your Game of Thrones George R.R. Martin voice, Kyle. I'll be right back. And he balanced on the thing. And there were crow's feet and goose eggs abounding on the feast did you watch the latest uh episode uh we did watch it and stone men the stone men were crazy right they jumped that was i thought that and the dragon flying overhead that was crazy dragons i'm so sick

of goddamn dragons wow even though the dragon ate the guy alive, that wasn't good enough. That wasn't good. Nothing's good enough for her. Am I right? But, you know, I liked it, but it wasn't as good as previous episodes. Like, it was a lot of, you know, catch up in this episode. You know, it was a lot of trying to tie things together and not so much action. I'm getting tired of things happening in the show that never happened in the book yeah that's happening more and more and more now yeah i know i know uh hurting quite a bit yeah i i like i i'm still sticking in there it's going to end the same that's all that matters i think they're just uh they're doing it in a more compact

tv friendly kind of way where maybe they just feel like some of the choice, like the whole thing with Sansa going up to Winterfell, maybe they feel like that's going to tie things together better. Well, they couldn't do anything more boring with her. She was so boring in the book. Sansa's storyline sucks. Yeah. Like, it's just not very good.

I think she's boring. I'd like some lemon cakes please yeah exactly the the whole stone men thing though i think they handled that well and that was entertaining like it was exactly how i pictured it in the books of like these big heavy you know monolithic creatures just boom just slamming into the deck of the ship i liked that i thought that was cool i had spoilers uh. They raid the ship. Yeah. For those out there who haven't seen it.

And I saw it, you know, as the dragon's going over. You look over Tyrion's shoulder, and there's a stone man, like, crouched down. And I was like, is that a statue? Or, oh, what the fuck? Oh, no. And then when Jorah screams, stone man! And they start, like, they're like.

For, like, the eighth time in the series, Tyrion is tied up they start like, they're like and they're like For like the eighth time in the series, Tyrion is tied up and just like CUT ME LOOSE! He's tied up in every dangerous situation. CUT ME LOOSE! AM I GOING TO KILL YOU NOW? It seems like he always is. He should really be carrying a pocketknife.

Speaking of pocketknives, we were looking at those Microtech tiny automatic knives. Those things are crazy expensive. Oh, the ones that just spring out where you hit the button? Yeah, it's a very tiny... There's a term for it. It's not front-end loader. Is it out the front? Automatic, I thought.

That's all I know. Not a very creative name. I think it might be called an out-the-front knife. I'm kind of... There are people who watch this show who know a ton about knives. They're like real enthusiasts. But I think that... Yeah, out-the-front knife.

That's it. Yeah, OTF. Out-the-front. Okay. I only saw a GIF of how it worked coming out. I don't know how you put that back in. You pull it. So I know just enough to be dangerous or not that dangerous but on the side of it

there's a little switch and when you it like it's never this in either position the spring is at rest so when you push it the spring kind of loads up and then it shoots out the front and it's at rest again and then on the side you pull it and the spring like loads up and sucks it back in real fast that's how some work others have a little thing in the back that you pull back to like reload it yeah that giant one they make do you want to watch that video yeah it's it's a comedy gold it's pretty good you have to pay you have to pay attention to the things he's saying because they're at first you'll think he's giving you a professional product description but he's slipping in all kind of ridiculous bullshit it's uh i found it yeah let's see so this knife is a like it's a large model of one that we actually like

i think i can make this a little bigger yeah Yeah, I like the tiniest model. They got Heather to do their video. It's pretty good. Are you guys ready? Yep. Three, two, one, play. The Giant Halo 5 three times is a 32-inch out-the-front knife that is the brainchild of a hazy knight of strong beverages.

It is better known as the Gargantuan Beast and is three times the size of a normal Halo. It weighs nearly a quarter of the weight of a small school bus and is slightly larger than a graphite pencil the exceptional firing button is saucer sized and is inlaid with just under two tons of carbon fiber the action of the halo kicks like a mule and microtech guarantees the knife will knock your socks off every time it's fired to retract the blade microtech employed their unique and patented dual participant technology.

That's my favorite line. The drawbar is the size of my arm and features a stunningly huge laser etched Murfione dagger custom logo. Three tons of carbon fiber form a tastefully large inlay on the drawbar. Just under two tons. Just under two tons. The Gantoon Beast features a satin hollow ground blade with canyon-sized blood Just under two tons. from 100 meters. The black tactile anodized aluminum handle is both tactical and black as well as masterfully machined and humongously huge. It features Microtech's proprietary tri-wing bits, a feature that adds

subtle accents and leads to immediate insanity if attempting to fix a jam blade. The extravagantly oversized jimping on the handle facilitates easy two-handed carry and is large enough for four-handed carry if necessary. If necessary. The close length of the knife measures 18.5 inches and is perfectly suited for everyday pocket carry, provided you wear those huge jeans from the 90s. The knife comes in a pelican case with a custom nameplate featuring a serial number and date of manufacture. The watertight case also sports convenient wheels for easy airport carry.

Airport carry? For serious reviews in this style, visit the Edge Observer at edgeobserver.com. To buy this and other pretty just knives, visit bladehq.com. Oh, the best thing about that is when he's like, the tactical black handle is both tactical and black. Here, so Kyle and I will do the toy real quick and then I'll let him go back to... I think he's watching TV with his mother. Alright.

So here, put it on the other thing. Yep. There you go. This thing... I tried this thing and it's pretty damn hard. Oh, they're hard. But he's doing well right now. Well he owns one.

Yeah! I could do it just as good. Punk kid. Can I take a turn in it? Yeah. Let's see if Woody can do it as well as his son. What if he was knocked unconscious right now? Like what would we do?

We'd have to call a wild card. I'm getting rusty at this. All right. There's the Aquaman. They've lost the floor. No, I'm watching the floor. Oh, I want him to fall and eat shit so much. It's easy to fall off that thing.

Oh, I know. Hey, mom. Hey, Kyle. Oh, thanks. Colin brought me homemade mint chocolate chip ice cream. You're my favorite son. Yeah. You're my favorite son.

Did you shut the door? Yeah, I did. boy back in the vlog. Yeah, I did. Yeah, we got to go fix mine. We'll fix it tomorrow. It's got a flat. No big deal. I wish I had ice cream. Yeah, my wife has an ice cream maker. And she's like...

Making ice cream every day of the week. This is from yesterday, I think. But yeah, we just have like a constant supply of homemade ice cream now it's awesome so much better it and that sounds so douchey because i hate when people say homemade things are way better than store-bought but that's true for ice cream because i don't like no no i don't know about that it depends what can you get like like you can't beat ben and jerry's with whatever you're cooking up at home you just can't you absolutely can i worked at ben and & Jerry's for a day.

I know their secret recipe. I disagree. I've got some strawberry shortcake like Eddie's Ice Cream upstairs, and there's no way I could make it as good. I think it's up to you. I like mint chocolate chip a lot, and this mint chocolate chip is better than anything I bought. But if you go for like a Cherry Garcia

or something like more complicated. Red Velvet Cake. Yeah, that might be hard to replicate at home. I think you just throw a Red Velvet Cake in there. It's very, very good. I like Cherry Garcia. Red Velvet Cake is my favorite Ben & Jerry's. If you try it, you'll like it.

The ones that Jackie's been making so far are Chocolate Strawberry and Mint Chocolate Chip. I want her to try Butterbecan. Have I told you guys about when I worked at Ben & Jerry's for one day? No. strawberry and mint chocolate chip. I want her to try Butterbecan. Have I told you guys about when I worked at Ben & Jerry's for one day? No. I want to hear more. Okay, so I was

16. I had just gotten my license and it was summer and my dad was like, you gotta get a job. You're not gonna sit around and be a piece of shit all summer. You gotta go get a job. So I just went around applied everywhere I could find, eventually found a Ben and Jerry's that was near my house. And I was like, okay, this will be cool.

I'll just serve people ice cream, whatever. So is this a storefront or like a factory job? Oh, no, this was like the person who scoops your ice, like the front end person who's asking what kind of ice cream do you want. So it was that kind of position, just the scooper. i went in there i was going to fill out the job application and an older woman who looked like a fucking hippie behind the counter was like oh you applying for a job it's like yeah she's like oh you seem like a really good guy you seem like a good guy come on back we'll talk about it and i was like all right didn't even have to fill this one out and so walked back uh the same day just as that was happening she was like okay we'll just stick

around for a while you seem like a good fit here you seem like a good fit we'll have you stick around how about you start waking making some waffle cones so like 20 minutes after i walked into this fucking ben and jerry's i was making waffle cones and I thought I had a job. So I called my dad on the phone and was like, alright dad, I got a job at Ben and Jerry's. I finally found one good for me. I just kept making waffle cones for the next six hours at this place.

They had me make waffle cones for like six hours. I worked a full shift at this fucking Ben and Jerry's. I thought i was employed and near the end of this situation i was leaving and they're like okay yeah we'll call you about it definitely and i was like whoa i just made waffle cones for six hours i just served people i did everything i need to do for this job and you're telling me you'll call me about it and they were like yeah we'll call you

about it okay we'll let you know you know you're definitely going to get it though you're definitely going to get it as if it's some big deal scooping ice cream like you're going to make the cut and so I went home and I got the lady's number individually and I called her back the next day and I called

her the day after and I called her the day after and eventually I drove back to that location because the theater was right near there and I was going with some friends so I figured I'd stop in and talk to this lady and ask why the fuck haven't I been paid for the six hours of work I did for free making waffle cones for you and why haven't you called me back telling me I have a job and I pull near the Ben and Jerry's, and they're closed. They went out of business the day that they offered me a job. I think you suck at making waffle cones.

Yeah, when she did call me back, it wasn't even like, oh, we're sorry we misled you. It was like, oh, yeah, you know, sometimes it doesn't go the way you want. I was like, what? That's not an answer.'s awful what a cunt it was awful worked for six hours for free didn't get any ice cream

and didn't get a job that summer you didn't get any ice cream either no the gentleman who alongside of her was teaching me how to make the waffle cones because it's so difficult, told me that I would get a free pint of ice cream per day. Per day.

Per day. Yes. And I got none. They owe you a pint of... If anyone out there from Ben & Jerry's is listening, you owe Taylor a pint of fucking ice cream. With interest. I don't know how you do that. Maybe that's a now all right you have six fucking pints of ice cream and at least 35 for his time i don't i don't know what minimum wage was six or seven years ago but you

owe him at least that because you apparently employed our friend as slave labor had been slave labor had been a jerry's i was i like a fool. I thought, like, sitting there making those ice cream cones, I can remember being like, man, this lady is so cool. Like, I'm getting a job. And then nothing happened. Growing up, my father was known for, like, his legendary work ethic. That's who he is. It's kind of a big part of what defined him and stuff like that.

And, like, I've told it before. I've seen him work 60 hours in three days. I've seen him work 20-hour shifts, which obviously is a big thing. He has a cot at his office, stuff like that. He works a ton. So he's like those Japanese businessmen who have that sickness where they work themselves to death? Yeah, right? Okay.

So I always thought of him as this worker guy and he was always driving my brother and I to work harder and harder and harder. Like 13 years old I got my first job. It wasn't even legal. I had to work under the table because I was too young by child labor laws when I started working. Then I was talking to my

grandmother, his mom, about it. And she had no respect for my father and his work ethic. And I loved it. It was like, I found the boss of my dad, who was my boss. And she's like, yeah. He tried real work once. It didn't suit him. He quit. I was like, my dad quit a job? Yeah. He had this job working at a general store, like back when there were general stores, and they made him sweep, and he found sweeping to be unpalatable for some reason,

and he quit, and his mom was terribly disappointed in who he was as an employee. The paper route. The paper route stories I heard were, this guy got up early in the morning, delivered papers to everyone, made good money. Every time a paper route came up, my father would absorb it

and just deliver more and more papers. There was no amount of work that was too much. And then he started subletting it and he had this paper delivery enterprise that he would hire younger kids than himself to deliver the papers on the route that he now owned controls. He's buying cars and stuff like that as he was a kid because of his paper route empire.

But then as his mother talked about it, she's like, yeah, he couldn't hold down a real job, so he did the paper thing instead. Wow. Yeah, it was great to hear the disappointed parent perspective on my father. But she was Irish, so she tells the whole thing with this thick Irish accent, which is better yet. That is pretty entertaining. Yeah. I guess we've all had a shitty job.

Melissa, shitty job experience? Yeah, working in a video game store that's very shitty a lot of people want that job yeah don't it's it's awful you get a lot of people coming in telling you why you're wrong about what the best Final Fantasy game was my favorite was nine I don't know how many people i had to listen to tell me that seven was indeed the best and exactly why that that uh that gets irritating and you had people try and come in and scam you out of purchasing used games right like people saying like oh that says 40 dollars there how about 15 bucks or something thinking that you wouldn't know? Yeah, people

thinking that I don't know much about video games because I'm a girl. Mostly trying to get better deals on trade-ins. And it's like, no, this is shitty quality. It's not Black Label. It's a Greatest Hits version. You're not getting the $70

asking price they're having on eBay right now. Black label? I don't think I know what I'm talking about. PlayStation used to, for both PlayStation 1 and PlayStation 2, they had black label versions, the

original releases, and then they had the greatest hits versions that had a green label on the side or a red label for PS2 and those aren't worth as much money so those were like black label final fantasy 7 at the time would go for like 70 to 90 depending on the condition it was in yeah it was kind of ridiculous nowadays probably not nearly as much because you can download it on the playstation network i've never played a final fantasy me neither people will say i'm not a real gamer but i haven't either no not not once no i've played three and i like the card games in

them the best final fantasy Fantasy card games? Yeah. You have a little mini game, mini card game. And I emulated the one from 9 on my PSP so that I could play it instead of playing the Final Fantasy 9. Someone out there will know what you're talking about. Maybe. Maybe. And they will look down on the three of us for not knowing. Yeah.

They called themselves a gaming podcast. I don't think I had the right system to play Final Fantasy. Did Kyle ever cover 13-year-old himself? Yeah, it was probably deer hunting. Oh, that's right. 14-year-old me was definitely paintball. That was around the time I got my first couple paintball guns. What about 15-year-old Kyle?

Let's just go through the list. Oh 15 year old Kyle was looking forward to a car definitely but still playing paintball a lot because I wanted the car so that I could drive myself to paintball tournaments. You wanted that Grand Am or Trans Am whatever you wanted? Yeah I wanted that. I got it eventually. did you have to buy it for yourself at the age of like 28 no no he broke down he got it for me oh did you just throw a pity party until you got what you wanted yeah pretty much i went through a few cars early on like there was like a but from the time i was like almost 16 like like about to get my license to the time I was like 17 it seemed like I went through like 4 or 5 cars there was a

there was a Jaguar XJ12 there was a Ford Lightning there was that Chevrolet truck that was new that he got me and there was a 98 Trans Am that I ended up the transmission ended up blowing up and I'm not sure what else I think that was just about it. What the fuck is a Ford Lightning?

It's an F-150 that goes fast. Oh. and not sure what else think that was just about it is a Ford Lightning it's an f-150 that goes fast oh I won't google it then because I can picture a truck that goes fast. Man that's a lot of cars to go through in your mid-teens. It was it was just a weird circumstance kept having issues first car you ever drove that was yours oh that was mine i see that's hard to say um i'm not sure i think it was maybe uh it may have been that chevrolet truck but in that same time i was driving i I know I was illegally driving my Jaguar at one point, so I'm not sure about that. Illegally driving a Jaguar? I was 15. Don't let me fool you, it wasn't like an $80,000 car or anything. It was a Jaguar XJ12 and it was a few years old,

but it didn't have any issues and it was real fancy and it smelled like rich mahogany how about you woody what was the first car you ever drove that was yours i had a 1987 volkswagen gti it was 1989 at the time so it was fairly late model we got it for six grand and um i loved the car it was like i didn't it, but it was like my personal dream car. It was fast enough, yet it held things. I was cycling a lot at the time, and because it was a hatchback, I could put my bike in it, and it was the key to my freedom. My whole world opened up.

My daughter doesn't really have that much interest in driving, and I think it's because she gets everything she could possibly want. Just snap her fingers and we drive her anywhere. And including insane stuff like, you know, I want to go to a fencing tournament in Washington, D.C. Oh, okay. I'll get my calendar. We'll make it happen.

But me, I'd be like, I want to go to my friend's house tomorrow. My mom would be like, okay, we'll do that. And then come go time, it's like yeah I think it looks like rain fuck your car not watertight Jesus Christ so so when I got my own car like my whole world upgraded and and I loved it but the thing was it wasn't a perfect car I don't know if it was misused or had an accident before i got it or something but it pulled to the side hard like if you let go of the wheel it would just be like like off to the side and um eventually i fell asleep i think

i had it for maybe three months or something and uh like everyone has this like yeah i remember one time i was driving you know kind of like you know lost my alertness for a second story but when you drove that car that story ends in a horrific accident i i um what happened was pretending this was a car. The side of the road was grassy, and it went down and then up really hard, like a check mark almost. I went down, and then when this – Oh, so as soon as the right two tires hit the grass, I woke up because it was loud and stuff, and I steered back on. But the right front tire, it went full right.

It got disconnected or something like that. back on, but the right front tire, it went full right. It got disconnected or something like that. It was like hitting a curb at 55 miles an hour, because the pavement was like five or six inches taller than the grass. And then the car went down, and I flipped it two and a half times. Now, people say they flip their car, they usually mean that, but that is what I call

a half a flip, right? So I flipped it like that and then came to a rest on the roof and during one of the flips I put my arm out the driver's side window because even though my seatbelt was on I felt like I was falling out and and that's when I broke the two bones in my arm and then I got this like tumor inside the nerve and that's why my fingers don't work like they should and stuff like that. It was actually probably the wrong car choice

for a sleeper. Jesus Christ, that started like a funny story and then it got sad. That's the real reason Woody had to switch from left-handed masturbating to right-handed masturbating. It truly is. That's the broken arm I was talking

about where I had to flip over. Yeah, as 17 years old, I started yeah, that was, and it was in a cast, and the cast went up to my bicep. So there's really not like, what am I going to do? Shoulder wiggle or something?

So yeah, that nailed it. Anyway anyway but i did love that car it had um this thing built into the dash that held cassette tapes because it was 1987 and um what was the back to the future remember only biff could start his car it took like a certain touch to open the cassette decks you had to like push it forward and almost like flick it up to get it to work and other people would be in my car is like pressing the button and it didn't work and I'm like oh it takes a touch and it made it uniquely mine much like this car was like you know only he could start it and and I it was a defect

really but I love that defect about it because I had figured it out and it was a defect, really, but I love that defect about it because I had figured it out. And it was sad when that car was destroyed. Was it destroyed after you flipped it almost three times, or was it still good to go after that? It was like maybe eight inches shorter than it was before. Every window was broken. Like I said, the front wheel was – was like every body panel you roll it enough and and there was like hardly much on it that wasn't broken you're joking around about it but this it sounds like you easily could have died yes yeah yeah i could have died for that it was uh it was

it was a highway i was on the um for people from the area the philadelphia expressway it goes from philly to like ocean city kind of and um or atlantic city i guess anyway it uh it was a super highway it was like a toll road whatever three lanes wide each way and uh speed limit was 55 which was you know customary at the time and yeah i was i was going 55 and I crashed. Wow. Yeah, fucked up. I was an idiot. But I was a teenager and that's what they are. I had to update my firmware for the drone.

That's what was required, so I'm doing that now. All right. Are you serious? That's what you're doing? I have my next topic picked out. Firmware update. Is this for the smaller drone or is this just for all of them? This is for both, actually. I got two updates.

One was for the crawler, and one's for the spider. I still don't understand the use of that crawler one. If you hit a wall, it'll just start rolling up the wall instead of crashing and dying because it's got these turn. These are wheels, so it'll run across the ground and hit a wall and then just start running up the wall. You can't crash it. I challenge accepted.

I can try. I mean, I guess you could crash it do you guys my next one involves a bunch of pictures to share are you guys ready for this topic all right so I've got one two three four five six seven eight of these if it goes that long we'll see how it works and the the core of it is this. Which girl would you choose? Oh, I love these. All right. We did this once before, but I feel like I did it better this time. Middle.

Middle. Definitely not middle. Middle's actually my third choice on this girl. Left looks like a cat left they're all pretty girls I like left's cheeks and they're all in shape look at the middle girl's smile

that's just the fucking joker you know who I want is I want that guy sitting in the back the cool one I like right and I'll tell you why. She seems like the coolest to me, the most relatable. The one on the right in this picture, with the exception possibly of the middle,

is the one most likely to help replace a belt on the lawnmower, right, if I get something stuck. I feel like she's just a little more partner material than the one on the left, for example, who is more than willing to be she's looking for a sugar daddy that could be true this is these are a lot of assumptions we're making i know just for just the visual i love when you jump to with visual and i'm just like well that one's titties are bigger no and i've been wired like this since i was little like at 13 i called it girlfriend material but it was like I would look for someone

who I wanted to spend a lot of time with, who I thought I was compatible with. It was never just about like a lay. But yeah, to the one on the right, that's my pick. I would go on the one on the left, then the one on the right, then the one in the middle. Respectable choice.

I think my choice would be far left if she didn't have her face like that Like leaning forward with like heavy shadows Under the cheeks Looking like the Cheshire Cat It's a flash in a dark club That's what it is yeah The one on the left does a lot of eyebrow maintenance

She certainly does Eyebrow maintenance And your choice was middle? Yeah, I'm a chick, so I was... Oh, please, if these were dudes, I'd be totally qualified to make a choice. Middle one looks like she barely has eyebrows. Did you just say I'm not qualified to make a choice?

No, I said if these were dudes, I would be qualified to make a choice. I wasn't accepting the I'm a girl, I can't tell which one's pretty thing that I thought you were leaning towards. I was actually dating a girl when I met Taylor. Aha, so you were

qualified to choose a girl. She is. Yes. She was dating the one in the middle. Fun fact. Are you guys ready for the next one? She does look the most similar to. Yeah. I say left. Right. Is my choice.

I don't think she looks similar to Amy. This one, I think the girls are even prettier. Ooh. Oh, I'll need to scroll a bit for the benefit of the viewers. They're both too high maintenance. They're both too high maintenance? Yeah. I don't like that article of clothing the right one has on.

Why even have a zipper? What's the point? I think they're at a fucking photo shoot or something. Yeah, yeah. I think the one on the left looks more playful. Is that just because her tongue's going, eh? Probably. It's probably just her expression.

But the one on the left also. Eyebrow maintenance on the left. That is perfect. That image they always post on 4chan of that dead girl in the pink bikini in bed. What? And she looks like she's alive. She looks like a dead girl who just And she looks like she's alive? She looks like a dead girl who just happens to look like she's alive.

The one on the right. She looks like a sex doll, like a really good one. The one on the left is very... She does look like a good one. The one on the left, we talked about eyebrow maintenance before, and that's the thing I'm queuing in on the most here.

I'm zooming in. That vertical edges on the inside of those eyebrows, that just doesn't look real to me. You don't know anything about makeup. That. Well, who do you pick, Liz? I would like to take a nap on the boobs of the one on the

left. But they're fake. Wait, they are? I don't care. They're still comfy. Fair enough. I can't tell which boobs are fake. I guess I can see it now that you say it. And she's laying don't care. They're still comfy. Fair enough. I think. I can't tell which boobs are. I guess I can see it now that you say it. And she's laying on her back and they're still pointed forward. That's a hint. It depends on what age.

I wonder if the one on the right has that top on because she has real boobs and they lay different when you're on your back. Perhaps. Or maybe she doesn't have very big boobs and that's what the designer thought she should wear because it's a clothing ad or something. I'm not sure where the image came from. They look too... There could be anything under that top on the right.

Okay, okay. These girls I think are lower maintenance. We'll see where you come in on. One on the left is hotter though, the brunette. The one that's not a sex doll. So the left one, Kyle. Huh. I got to go with the right one here.

The right one, huh? I can't gauge anything with these big bug-eye sunglasses. There's a reason these are popular for women, because it hides your whole face. The one on the right has... It allows you to try and pull off that big eyes, cherubic, childlike, younger look. Giant jugs on the right, if that's your thing. What?

I would say right. Giant jugs on the right. I don't like the bottoms of that swimsuit on the left. See, I like the bottoms of both. I think... The one on the right has smaller bottoms than she normally does, and I'm finding that oddly hot. I'm just like, yeah.

Yeah. Okay. My dig against the one on the left is I feel like she's got a really big forehead. It's a five head, yeah. I feel like she's got a big forehead, and I've actually dated girls with a big forehead. It's a five head, yeah. I feel like she's got a big forehead and I've actually dated girls with a big forehead and I thought it was attractive on that one. It's kind of a similar hairline type

situation, but I don't know. Something about this girl, I don't like it. I feel like her eyes are going to... I feel like she's ugly under those glasses. The one on the right, the one on the right, I feel like she's probably attractive. The one on the right, get this. If she had a lack of maintenance, I bet she could rock a happy trail.

On the right. No. Look at how hairy her head is. She's got like a three head. That stuff comes down so much. That woman is hairy by nature. I look at her arms. Real hairy.

That woman on the right can grow a mustache and a happy trail if she devotes herself to it. Here, I need to catch Melissa up on your happy trail debacle. They were doing some outdoorsy activity. Whitewater rafting. Whitewater rafting. And the lady guide had just a big old tuft of brown hair going from her navel down to her vagene and woody found that a bit arousing and kyle and i feel that it's unacceptable she

rocked it like it was hot she this is a woman who has testosterone in her and and who would want that it's what's it's what fuels the sex drive but you you don't want she can have testosterone and shave her belly wax that you're gonna wax laser or something like you can't shave that when you have a monument to your sex drive like that you don't hide it you rock it. You stand tall and show what you got. I've seen trannies with less belly hair. I bet you have. Yeah, I wouldn't argue against that. I bet you have.

Yeah, that seems completely reasonable. So I'm going girl on the right, even though I think she's too top-heavy for my personal tastes. Woody's so anti-large breast personal tastes you are massive those are definitely DS looking at it and grabbing it that's how I'm going to say... I got this one. You get the other one. Let's go. So, yeah, I'll go with the one on the right. I think she's hotter. Yeah, I like the one on the right, too. Partly because of all these things I'm projecting on her, like all the body hair she doesn't actually have.

All right. That's better posture. Well, how could she have good posture with that rack of hers? It's probably pulling her down into the toe touch position her entire life. Fair enough. Yeah. All right. All right.

This one. It's tan line, too. Yeah, I know. I saw that. All right. Next image. Well, I feel like Seinfeld would just walk away

they're not supposed to all be fashion models I think it's more fun when they're real people where are we getting these pictures from there's a subreddit a fan directed me to to a subreddit that was like pick one or something

I just picked all the ones without nudity towards the top and here we go. I don't know. I'm almost at a loss at this one. So the one on the left works out. The one on the right is going to be skinny and not very top heavy. The one in the middle, there's something about her. I don't know what it is.

I think she's ethnic. She's like maybe part Asian maybe. She's definitely something Asian. Part Filipino maybe think she's ethnic. She's like maybe part Asian maybe? I see it. She's definitely something Asian. Yeah, part Filipino maybe or something like that. She's got really long black hair. She's from Nepal. I think it's just a bad angle for her. It's making her jawline look unattractive

to me. But I look at one of the right's chin versus her cheek ratio and those bangs and that's just weak as shit. That's not gonna cut it. Her lipstick's all bad too and her eye makeup's... The one on the right's no good. The one on the right just gave head. Yeah, look at her skinny ass.

Look at her. Look at her and then apply that. I'm right. I'm not feeling right at all. Middle, I like Kyle's assessment of kind of ethnic. So, you know, that's... I think the one on the left does not have straight teeth. I'm leaning left right now.

I think she has crooked teeth if you look more carefully. She has a little thing with her teeth, but it's one of those things that could be cute and not... Yeah, like you could be like, oh yeah, it's like, you know, you could get that dimple just on the left side, or you got that eyebrow going on over there.

I applaud the entire cast's ability to objectify all these girls. You're all very good, too. Well, I know who we don't want. It's that lady in the background with her arms crossed. That's the host of the party's wife. She looks no fun at all. Yeah, she had to put those fucking chips out behind her.

She's like, they're done. Yeah. She looks like she anticipated that her husband was having a party, but she didn't think that any attractive women would show up, and now she's uncomfortable about them being in her home. First of all – And the photo shoot that they're obviously having in her dining room. I'm not feeling any – And she does look a little heavy, a little hefty back there.

Wait, wait. Oh, back there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, none of these girls in the foreground are heavy. Oh, none of these girls. I'm not feeling any of them, to be honest with you. I go left, middle, right. Given that the rules of engagement are, if you had to choose, I'm gonna go...

Shit. I really am. I keep changing my mind. I'm gonna go right. I'm gonna go right because clearly she gives head. She just did. Looks a little bit like Tori Spelling, right? Yeah, I see it. Doesn't even have eyebrows. I can hardly see it. The one on the right doesn't even have eyebrows. I can hardly see it. She's a blonde, yeah.

I will say the one on the right, the odds of happy trail for her are near nil. Oh, you want that Asian girl. There's no telling what she might have going on. Yeah. But I still think right. I think the one on the right... She needs to be more Asian, then she'd be the best. The one on the right could be a fashion model with her body type.

She's tall and thin. It's like her jeans didn't commit to being Asian. They just kind of half-assed it. What if she's one of those people with no legs and she's just a torso sitting there? Oh, I've never tried that. Now we're talking. I might have to revote. If she could pull the legendary spin move.

She's in a wheelchair right now and we can't even see her. They just rolled her in there. The one on the left doesn't know what kind of underwear to wear with a maxi dress. Maxi dresses. I know what that is. What is she wearing? Just a cotton dress. What kind of underwear is she wearing?

I can't even tell. Probably a thong because there's a lump. You don't wear that kind of underwear with a dress. What kind of underwear is she wearing? I can't even tell. Probably a thong because there's a lump. You don't wear that kind of underwear with a dress. Oh. Yeah, it's cutting in. You should have worn some boy shorts or something. Or nothing at all. Yep. Nothing at all is always the best option. Well, sometimes.

Not on a hot day. Yeah. Not on a hot day. And if you have cloth seats in your car, you don't want that. Next girls. Or leather. I don't think there's any seat option that makes that fun. Well, I guess this next one is an interesting batch.

Oh, we have another one. Yeah. Number three? Oh. All right, number two's definitely out. Number three's got a fucking chin like Leno, but her legs and ass are outrageous. Wait, you're going left to right.

Number three. Pardon me, pardon me. The one on the right, look at her lower body. What does she do? She looks like she's pretending to not be a midget. Hold on a second. The one on the right has both outstanding calves from the knee on a second. The one on the right has both outstanding calves from the knee down and like cellulite on the thighs.

No, no. That's a bad angle. Her thighs are muscular. Her ass is muscular. Yeah, there's no way that's cellulite. She looks like an athlete of some kind. You don't think so. I bike all the time, or I squat, or I do something. I don't think there's any there's no delineation between her butt and her thighs.

I think number three might have better legs. Number two might have better legs. I don't know about all that. Number two has good legs. What she lacks in legs, she makes up for in forehead, number two. Yeah. That's a sick head.

That is not the haircut for her. Even number three has got... head, man. That is not the haircut for her. Even number three has got... Yeah, wow. I think I might be feeling number four in this one. Number one. Number one. Number one or number three. Number three is cute.

Number one or number three. Number four is cute. She's really pretty. That's one of the reasons I picked her. That chin, Woody. What is your problem? Why did you marry a man? It's legal now.

Look at that jawline. It's this jawline. He sees people who look like him. He sees the calves. He sees the jaw. And he's like, oh, fuck yeah. So, Woody, you're going four. Yeah, four I think is the best one.

I think she's really pretty. I like her jawline. I like her calves. And she's fit. Oh, and her jawline. I like her calves. She's fit. By the way, something about her, her outfit and what she's radiating

says that she's a good partner. Actually, all of these girls look like they could be decent wives. The cloth of her skirt is only like two inches below butthole level yes so that's like it's pretty skimpy she's but i'm leaning between one and four so i'm on woody's team in regard to this number three's got nice shoes she's got

those leather pants i don't like number three's hair i don't like that her hair goes up the way it does i like it a lot i don't like that you can see roots there and that you know that as soon as she starts to get older and not giving a fuck, it's gonna get kinda ugly. She's not gonna maintain it. Also, those aren't leather pants, are they? Those just look like leggings. Um, they look shiny to me.

It's shiny up to the knee. That's not... I don't know what that is. I don't either. I don't like number two's shoes. They look like big clogs. Right? I spotted that too. They have really thick soles or something.

Like they're designed to add two or three inches to her height. The number four also has that kind of like height adding shoe. Why is number one squatting down like that? Have you noticed? Like it's weird. One and four four just doing that maybe they think you're supposed to make an arch you mayhaps yeah hmm are we ready for that with there's three more if we're enjoying this segment here I'm

I'm enjoying this next one mental the new one is really interesting all right what do you think about this? Oh, Kyle, what was your final answer from that past one? Was it three? It was either one or three. I guess I'll go three. Three. Okay.

Yeah. All right. What about these two girls? The one on the right. Yeah, I'm going to say right. It's an easy decision, man. It really is. Just look a little closer. That's a's easy decision man it really is just just look a little closer that's a very easy decision what is happening is it the butt of the left girl it looks like that's an ill-fitting yes it's an ill-fitting bikini both of them have ill-fitting bikinis to be honest i don't think

the one on the right i think the one on the right would be benefited from a strapped bikini i think she would look better in that i look at those jugs that are pressed down. It's like a sports bra almost. She's got her on there. I'm on Kyle's team in regard to that. Left is... Look at that. It looks like it's almost a U shape because it's so poorly

fitted and you can see where the padding is. Not appealing. You know what's cool about the left one? I like her expression. She looks like she's quick to laugh. She's just smiling. She looks friendly and nice. Again, like partner material.

The one on the left would be your other half. The one on the right is just... She's making a judgmental face. Do we like judgmental people? Screw those people. We're being judgmental. It's the one on the right is just... She's making a judgmental face. Do we like judgmental people? Screw those people. We're being judgmental. It's the one on the right, totally. The one on the left, I just...

Game thought to bring glasses. Melissa, what do you think? Hey, what's the one on the right even reading? It's a Mary Keys... Marion Keys? Yeah, Marion Keys. Who is that? It's not even Game of Thrones.

No, not even Game of Thrones. No, not even Game of Thrones. No. Yeah. Melissa? Why don't you fucking fly? The other side of the story. They're all normal and plain looking. None of them look interesting.

Hmm. None of them. So, neither. The rule of the game is if you had to choose, though. Oh, if I had to choose. Well, I can see the one on the left. Her eyes. Yes.

Left. Just because she doesn't know what kind of bathing had to choose. Well, I can see the one on the left. Her eyes. Yes. Left. Just because she doesn't know what kind of bathing suit to wear. You know, can't blame her. Most women don't know how to dress themselves. See, I'm with you. Yeah, I'm not judging her based on what she looks like in that outfit. I'm judging her based on who I really think she is based on a picture. Hang on a minute.

You really don't judge her? Like when you pick out a bathing suit, is it not a major decision for you? Me? That you contemplate and – no, not you. No, I don't even try it on before I buy it. I know what will fit me. I know the type of bathing suit I need to wear that looks good on me. I pick it out.

I purchase it and then I look good in it. Most women don't. They see, oh, that's a pink bathing suit. That'll look good. Or you know what I think goes in the minds of most women? That's the bathing suit I wish I looked good in. And they pick that one. Or maybe that's the bathing suit she'll get the best tan

line in. Maybe they're going strapless because they want to get a tan. They're on a boat. They're not worried about what they look like. They're out in the middle of nowhere. Someone else looks really good in that suit. I want that one.

Yeah, that's their boat. That's their private boat. They're not on a cruise or anything. Yeah. With their friend's boat. So no one's going to see them. Yeah. Next girls.

Aren't they topless? All right, next girls. Exactly, Kyle. That would bump both of them up. The age-old question. All right. Now we have some cheerleaders. That makes it easy when you put them in a uniform. Not the left one.

Oh, god damn. Abs! I'm going to say no to Smurfette on the left. Yeah, poor lefty. It's got to be righty. Are we sure these women are of age? Who are these people? They look awful.

You remember that Simpsons episode where Homer invented the shotgun that puts on makeup? Yeah. Cha-cha! I think the one on the right. It's got a nice white spread. The one on the right. Dude, the abs alone say that she is going to be fit into her forties and fifties

sure sure painted on I don't think those are looking at the belly belly but man look at it right underneath that top like that that's just defined although I will say she's totally flexing those abs for the photo sure why not yeah I guess so I would too yeah the one on the left is just unattractive I'm afraid and our legs are all bruised up she doesn't tan enough and the one in the middle god damn she looks her I don't know she's just ugly just neck down the one in the middle and you'll find that she's doing pretty well neck down the one in the middle is is just fine she's just fine she's doing pretty well. Neck down, the one in the middle is just fine. She's just fine. She's great.

But her head is just really turning me off. I don't know how to describe that. I think she barred someone else's head for this picture. It's a little larger than her body fits. It's not good looking. That is a torso-sized head. The one on the right has a lazy eye thing going on, and her teeth are so bleached.

You know what they remind me of when I was like, are they even of age? Clearly now that I look, they're all of age. Their makeup reminds me of those little girl pageants. I was just thinking that. It looks like they used to be those five-year-old models

and their moms just kept making them do this shit and now they're 20 years old or something and they're still just wasting their lives. They look terrible. The one on the right is fantastic. Those boobs might be fake because I feel like under that sports bra she's packing some heat, yet her body fat percentage is like single digits.

So that doesn't happen much. Well she's clearly in very good shape. Yeah. Melissa, who's... Wait, there's a thing about the one on the right. Her arms are tremendously long. happen much but it's really in very good shape yeah she has what we think about the one on the right her arms are tremendously long she looks like Mutombo or something like like she could block my jumper all day long with those gigantic arms but I'm yeah still the one on the right I think is the way the one on there the one on the right I feel like if you if she just washed her face

and like went back to her natural hair color and stopped letting Homer put her makeup on, I'd be really hot. She needs to tone it down at the gym, quite frankly, because we're not going to have to fight any zombies anytime soon. That's just not necessary. Don't you listen, baby. You're doing good. When you're that strong and that light, there's just no

point for that. She's throwing the one on the left in the air. They're cheerleaders. That girl... Okay. There's no point for that. She's throwing the one on the left in the air. They're cheerleaders. That girl. Okay. Yeah. If I was going to throw one of them in the air, I'd want it to be the one on the left.

I mean, for one, she's probably the lightest, and two, like, what's the worst I could ask for? If she falls on her face, maybe they can fix something. All right. I'm on team right at this point. Although the one in the middle does have the best jaw. What's the name of the game? Middle.

Middle? Okay, respectable choice. That's my number two. Middle, it looks like you could throw her up in the air, and no matter how many turns or angles, she would be like one of those things that always comes down on their head, like those weeble wobbles. Oh, no. But the opposite. There's so much weight. Yeah, the opposite of that. If you took the top of her hair, right,

and put it where the bottom of her chin is now, the bottom of her chin would be below her top. Like, am I saying this right? Her head. I understand how you're articulating it. It's a melon. I think she's added, like, two inches of head with that hairstyle of hers. Her head's tilted down as well. I feel like she's tilted down more than she should be.

I think you should be careful about who you make fun of with melon heads. Me? I have a gigantic head. No, no, no. I was going to say, my head's pretty big. You both have giant heads. I can't wear normal glasses. The one on the right looks like every mean girl in a movie, though.

Like, she's the antagonist. She could rape another girl girl i feel like she could do anything she's so she's she's got the physicality to beat up other girls she doesn't have to be that snotty mean girl bitch this is the last one and perhaps there's definitely the most choices but what do you think um i'm discounting sunglasses I can't discern any details about these people the whole bottom row was chosen for their ability to hold

other women and that scares me it looks like the girl on the bottom right is the foundation I don't know I think the one number two on the bottom I rank them in this blue bikini first then magenta bikini first.

Then magenta bikini who's top right. Then it's hard to say, but I'm thinking maybe either the purple one. But I can't tell how heavy she is. That matters. But if she's not heavy, the purple one.

And then it goes up to that big-titted one right in the top center. And then from there it goes to the green one, to the orange one. Then it falls down to the black bikini on the bottom left, and then to the green giant. I find myself ranking them by which is closest to the sexual position I think is right. Right? Like that one in the number one in the second row on the left

and that green bikini thing? That's about right. Right? Am I the only one thinking, yeah, that's about perfect. I don't know how you guys are even evaluating from this angle with this many sunglasses. I'm looking for muscle tone. I'm looking at their chins, their foreheads, their hair their hair their hands number three on the bottom looks good yeah she's my

number one choice is she cuz top center is strong top center was number three top center pick them right bikini yeah and she did part but I'll tell you in terms of who I'd want a life partner up with Like the green bikini left not bottom right, but the left Bottom left Are you saying bottom center left middle left the purple bikini? Let's go by colors. I don't know what color that is the yellowish the tennis ball colored one. Yes, okay? Yeah, she's like my number four, I think. I kind of like her.

Yeah, she's pretty hot. I was afraid you were going for the black bikini because of that crazy jaw chin thing she's got going on. No, she looks a little chubby. But the tennis ball colored bikini. I don't think any of them look chubby. I don't think any of them look chubby. Bottom right even, too? Nah, she's just...

She's just a girl now. And purple? I don't think any of them look chubby. Bottom right, even, too? Nah, she's just... And purple? I don't think so. Their thighs look just fine. That's true. They're pre-fat. Pre-fat? Pre-fat, yeah. I explained that to someone the other day.

I explained to them what pre-fat was. I was like, see that chick right there? That one that's about 170 pounds? She's done. Like, her life's over. She's 20 years old. She's not going down from here. She's going up.

And she was like, well, how do you know that? I was like, because she's coming out of fucking Chick-fil-A with a milkshake. That doesn't sound like pre-fat. But, yeah, sometimes you see a girl, and it's like, yeah, she's hot right now. Right now she's thick, and she's fancy because she's hot right now right now she's thick and she's fancy because she's 18 right but but that thickness that's hot like hanging on her so well today ah you put 20 years on that wait till she's 38 she's gonna look like uh you know she needs a minivan pick up her kids or whatever pre-fat that's what your your mother called shorter women who are heavier, right?

Pre-fat? Yeah. It's not short. I think shorter would be one. But yeah, you can certain hang on a girl. And you're like, eh, it's pre-fat. Pre-fat. Not fat right now.

Right now she's hot. But you can see it. Won't endure. So I think I go in center left in the tennis ball colored bikini. It's my top choice. I don't even know. It's just...

It's hard to go wrong top center. The sunglasses throw me. I can't tell with the sunglasses on there because half their face is obfuscated. So you don't even know what's going on. None of them look fat. They all look pretty normal. Magenta. Magenta.

Magenta? Is that top center? Magenta is top right? Yeah. Ooh. I would say Interesting choice. Those boobs are holding up pretty well with no straps. She's my number two. Number one would be the blue

at the bottom. Third from the right. Hmm. And then everyone else pretty much ties. number one would be the blue at the bottom third from the right and then everyone else pretty much ties alright that black girl the black bikini is definitely on the bottom for me she's last place and the purple one and the green one

follow closely behind her at the bottom of the list you know what I just discovered dead center is in the running for me. Yeah, she's hot. You say it like it's some, you know, solemn truth. She might be a twin of the one on the left, to be honest with you. They could be twins.

They have to be at least sisters, but I wouldn't be surprised if they were straight-up twins. Nah, man. Would you like that? No, their chins are different. Their chins are too different. Their chins are shaped very differently, so are their ears. The shadows are different, too.

I don't know. You can't go wrong with either one of those. Their collarbones are different. I like how Kyle just goes instantly from normal dude to just serial killer mode every time we do one of these comparison things where like me and Woody will say like, oh yeah, she's cute, she looks good and Kyle will be like, well, the collarbone there, there's

a little bit of a shadow coming from the top that shows me she's a bit heavy. Also looks like a chin, chiseled in a way that I don't find appealing. Sunglasses, not a good brand, I wouldn't choose that. That's the way you do it. It's entertaining. Thank you, Thank you. I like simplifying things down, blowing them down. But being objective, or

rather subjective, I guess. No, you're being objective in regard to your personal preference. So you're being right. Now that you mentioned the magenta up here, it does seem like something's... There's a little bit of gravity-defying happening.

Not defying, just... So I have to ask Melissa, would you ever bring another lady into the relationship, into the bedroom? No. No? Not even for some sort of birthday special event?

No. There's no place for that. What if he did lots of yard work that day or something? Lots. It would be his treat. That's for sure. Oh. I'm sure he'd suffer through it all.

Oh, it wasn't for me? How am I gonna deal with this? I would be so disappointed if I found another woman in her bed. Alright. No, though. Is it the jealousy thing?

That's what it would be for me. I feel like I'd be replaying in my head. You're just hoarding all the tailor to yourself Carry that on People like to think oh, yeah, that'll be great. And then you get three people in there and you're just like oh No, they don't know what to do. You don't know what to do You need to practice that with three people before you can actually get good.

Ah, you just need a conductor. You need one person who knows what's up. Who can be like, alright, this is how the Legos fit together. First. Amy, I'm going to need you to grab that bucket of lard over there. Hang on, keep that close. It's gonna get wild. Yeah, you just gotta get sucked in.

It's gonna get exciting. Yeah. You get, everyone have their splash guards? Yeah, alright, let's go. I brought the snorkel, I got an idea. Make some sort of a hot tub event. That's what I need, I need a snorkel. You know what I can do? This is disgusting. I can go to the

bottom of a hot tub and breathe indefinitely as if it were a scuba tank. Wait, what? The air that comes from the hot tub and creates the bubbles, I can put my mouth on it and use it to breathe and stay under for as long as you choose. Really?

That is disgusting. It is. It totally is. No, it's not. Tell me why that's disgusting. Because he's breathing in skin flakes and cum or whatever else is in it. Why do you people think that that air is coming from a dirty place?

It's cyclical. Even if the air itself is brought in from the outside and clean, it's still being pushed through a tube that has filtered air that has cum and nastiness. Just putting your head under that water is dangerous. That's step one. That's only step one. My hypothetical hot tub is a protein bath.

It's a petri dish. As a matter of fact, I recommend you stay out of my hot tub. You might get pregnant. There's so much there's so you keep the chemicals right? It's just like a swimming pool. You balance the chemicals you keep it sterile and you know, it's not a problem. I would totally- It's much dirtier than a swimming pool. How is that possible? Well, I guess it's less water so that makes sense but as long as you keep the people getting in there when you get in a swimming pool for the most part you're hanging out during the day you know you've showered you're kind of clean a little bit unless it's like a hotel pool hot tubs you're getting in late at night. You're probably hammered. You didn't clean yourself right beforehand.

Maybe there's cum sloughing off here. You're peeing in there. It's a disaster. Well, I don't pee in there either. I usually, like I'm outside, so I just usually pee in the side of the hot tub. Oh, la-di-da. You're peeing in hot tubs. I take my hot tub

under the moonlight. But yeah, I can. You could try it maybe next time. You apparently have an extra clean hot tub. Go under there, take a breath of the bubble air that comes out and see if you too can breathe underwater. Yeah, I'm going to attempt that.

We've got to find a repairman for our hot tub. The panel stopped working. All the major components still work, water yeah i'm gonna attempt that i actually need we got to find a repairman for our hot tub the panel stopped working like the all the major components still work but the you know the buttons that raise the temperature and uh turn the jets on and off like it's just unresponsive it's all lit up the numbers are there but the buttons don't seem to work we have a um like a whirlpool thing i don't even know the difference between a jacuzzi, a hot tub, and a whirlpool. I don't know. It may be the same thing. I think there's a difference between a jacuzzi tub and a hot tub though. I think there's a difference there. Ours is like a gigantic bathtub suitable for three people maybe and it blows bubbles and stuff. I think that's a jacuzzi tub. It might be

a jacuzzi tub. It's indoors too, which implies jacuzzi to me as well. We've got one of those things I haven't... This house has no place to slack. You can sit here and work, because I'm in front of my computer and do work stuff, or sleep.

We have a bed now. That's really a choice. We have the bed. The TV is so far from the bed. That's really a choice. We have the bed. The TV is so far from the bed. It's the pool table. Oh, if you call that slacking. I meant like you relax. But the pool table is in the Game of Thrones room.

Okay. It looked good there. It does look good there. You got a whole rack. Did you go and get a rack to put the cues in to look fancy or did you stick them away somewhere? They're stuck away somewhere for now. I intend to get a rack to put the cues in to look fancy or did you stick them away somewhere they're stuck away somewhere for now i intend to get a rack and make them look fancy but um we didn't get a high-end pool table and and the reason is twofold one like colin's gonna learn to play and like hit the felt and all that stuff and uh two i wanted it's a combo

pool table ping pong table and we play ping pong a thousand times more than we do pool i gotta get i gotta get my ping pong table over to my house it's over my shop and i haven't played forever uh yeah so it's the pool table actually both of them are over there i gotta go get that stuff we play all the time and not all the time maybe like five times a week or something like that like we play we used to play my cousin and i used to play like maybe 10 games a day we'd play We'd play a lot. I was okay, I guess. I was just like a practiced noob.

But he used to play for money a little bit. So he's fairly decent. I play with Colin mostly. So I'm not like getting better or anything. I can do saves better maybe because he misses the table a lot. But yeah, I have a new topic. Sure. This one, so tragic it appears that westborough baptist church the people that uh protest funerals and things like that they're going to iraq to

protest isis no they're not i wish them well i wish themspeed. They're totally not going. The famously hateful religious organization known for their grand publicity stunts has decided they are going to fly to Iraq and protest ISIS. After announcing plans to picket Robin Williams' funeral, Australian comedian Adam Hills dared the group to put their money where their mouths are

and protest real Christian prosecution in Iraq. They even offered to pick up the cost for their airfare. And it appears that they're going. We accepted. Where are the tickets? And ironically, they picketed in Iraq before. Google it. Hashtag told ya.

Hashtag told ya. Yeah. Wow. So, See, this is a disgusting organization, but when you see them doing their shit don't you feel just awful for the children who are involved in it we're like the disgusting parents are making like a six-year-old little kid hold up like a you know all gays burn in hell or whatever sign they make them do if the westboro baptist church no no no the next tweet The next thing though it says the tweet was accompanied by a picture of the group supposedly protesting in Iraq

Though the setting of the picture was not Iraq Real searches do not show any Wait this is a Christian group they wouldn't lie yeah exactly Christian groups don't lie Kyle it's against their religion duh Jesus Kyle don't you know anything yeah um what was I gonna say uh oh oh oh how awesome

would it be if like ISIS got into a fight with a Mexican cartel and the Westboro Baptist Church went there to protest it that seems like the perfect combo of people that you want to kill each other. That's my... I'd watch it. I'd watch that video.

Provided it was well edited. Well, I don't want to watch anything to do with those cartel videos. Those like head sawings, that disgusting awful dismemberment stuff. It's just terrible. It's really bad. I don't like that stuff yeah you definitely don't want to i i heard one story where uh a cartel stopped a busload of people

and i think they were just all innocent they were just travelers and i think i don't remember why they did this to them but they took them out and they made them all fight gladiatorial style till there was only one left to the death sometimes i think about that like i was in line at my bank the other day and uh the line was extra long longer than you'd guess i was in line at my bank what year is it i had a oh i was i needed a bunch of cash i was like i was buying collins lawnmower so how do you get like thousands of dollars in cash? Sell a bunch of drugs generally. Fair enough. So anyway I was in line at my bank and there was a long line maybe like 20 people in it or so and I'm like where do

I stack rank in terms of being able to beat all these guys up right? Right off the bat I could take every girl in line. So now it's really just amongst the other men. And half of the men, again, like I narrowed it down. I'm like, all right, that guy's the biggest, right? And he looks like he works in lawn care or something like that. So he's got some toughness going about him. That guy probably works out the most. I'm assuming none of them are trained.

And I'm like, there it is. I think it's the three of us. Three of us would battle it out to figure out who the toughest guy in the teller line is. Am I the only one who has these thoughts? No, no. I think about stuff like that too. Like if you're behind a really big looking like, you know,

muscly bodybuilder kind of guy and you're standing behind him, you're like, if I punch this guy square in the back of his head right now as hard as I could would that be enough to take this guy down that ensuing battle yeah just like the cave troll from Lord of the Rings just like react at all he reacts like he's just like the cave troll from Lord of the Rings. Just like... He doesn't react at all. He reacts like a gnat hit him or something. He just slowly turns around and is like, that was a mistake, little man. Yeah, and he'll say it like it just turns out that he's Russian or like the scariest brand of person.

Like, did the breeze come in here very quickly? Or what is happening right now? That's a nice accent right there. Yeah, I should start a channel yeah based on that do you have any guns i have we not enough to compete with uh i'm curious so you guys have recently been shopping for a carry revolver was it for you taylor which i assumed all this time yes yes it's for me i want a carry revolver. I've been looking... Now that I've been texting you guys about it,

the Ruger LCR. That's the one that you were recommending, right? Very light. Yeah, that I'm leaning towards now. Melissa carries a .357 Smith & Wesson. It's like a.686. M60. .686 is big. I've got one of those.

Oh, then I'm mistaken. It's like a 3-inch barrel. It's pretty big. I've got one of those. Oh, then I'm mistaken. It's a three-inch barrel. It's pretty big, but it fits in my purse. Exposed hammer or non-exposed? Exposed. Okay, I know the one. I like those. They don't not work. I've actually got a gun right here

that I recently got. There's a shocker. Color me surprised. Where he didn't have a gun within reach. Of course. Of course. Jesus. What am I looking at? Bad news.

There's bad news on the magazine. Is that a paintball gun? Absolutely not. It could have been. Holy smokes. This is my 308? It's a 338 lapua ar-15 every time you fire the trigger it costs you five fucking dollars when you've got to fight like velociraptors or something it's just like it's 5 10 15 20 25 30 30 They call it the bad news.

It's the Noreen Bad News 338 Lapua. It's a bad motherfucker. That looks expensive. Oh, yeah. I don't know. Six or seven grand, something like that. That is really nice. I don't like the color it's in right now.

I got it back from the coaches. It's okay. Same code you normally use? My complaint was, no, it's in right now. I got it back from the... I like it. It's okay. Same code you normally use? My complaint was... No, it's a different guy. My complaint was that it looked like they took all the extra colors they had and just applied them to this gun. I was like... Because this all used to be black.

Yeah, I don't like the color. I was trying to... I do see where you're coming from. I was trying to count the number of colors and I lost count there's about three I don't think so I lost count well there's three no there can't be like the magazine and the handle are the same and then there's like the barrel is different than those and then the the barrel guard some of it is just natural black it's just fat like like the mag this part the

grip that's just black but then there's maybe four or five this is a color and this is I think it's three colors. Did you not count the black in those three? It's not coated black. It's just the color it came with. It's just black metal. Maybe it's four? Sure.

It looks nice. I like it. I like the magazine too. It's nifty. I haven't shot it in a while. It doesn't kick that bad it's uh it's cool to have is it hard to shoulder at all i thought i saw you kind of like i was trying i was trying to lock it back but i've got the mag stuck in earlier is it hard to shoulder when anyone like would melissa be able to shoulder it you think um yeah she could i've got one i'm convinced none of us can shoulder.

You're wrong about that. It's fun to watch you try and shoulder it. It's fucking heavy. You'd need the mountain from Game of Thrones to shoulder that. Yes, that's right. How much does it weigh? Like, all of it. I don't know.

All of the weight. I can totally shoulder that thing. I just totally can. All of the weights. That's how much. I can totally shoulder that thing. I just totally can. Oh, it's so hard. One of the challenges, it has like a – I want to say the tripod. I mean the bipod weighs 18 pounds. I need you to weigh your gun and find out how much it weighs. I'll be right back.

I got it. It takes longer than you might guess. I don't know. I think it would i have to get out of the closet or attic take out of the case and then go to the master bath which is like a four minute walk from here and wait i don't know what he's not in his old home he now lives in a palatial estate how are you liking the house, by the way, man? That's awesome that you're finally in. I do like it, actually. I like being here. I only recently have it. It started to feel like, yeah, like this is for real. This is like my house now. And that's kind of cool. It is long.

Like, for example, if you're in the master bedroom and you go to the kitchen, and you realize you forgot something, it's like, oh, fuck. This sucks. And it's changed my, if I'm in the master closet, which is even further, it's like behind the master, like through the master bedroom, I'm like, all right, do an inventory,

because you don't want to forget something, because we typically exit out the kitchen, like through the kitchen garage. If I get to the door and realize I forgot something, it's a genuine pain in the ass to walk back and get stuff. So if you get to the front door about to leave and you realize that you left your wallet in the bedroom, is it almost like a, why even go? Wherever I was going to go. I was joking with Jackie, and I was like, we should get a Segway for inside the house. Like a ball cop? Yeah, right?

And then I didn't realize it, but she's like, that's what I said. I told you we needed a Segway for inside the house. No one needs a Segway. You need a much bigger place than this to really needed a Segway for inside the house. It's... No one needs a Segway. No. You need a much bigger place than this to really need a Segway. But it's like, so our, we've got a decent sized kitchen

and then near that is the pantry. But you sort of walk out of the kitchen to go into the pantry. And I was making myself milk, not milk, cereal. Like cereal in a bowl. but I was doing it in like the dumbest way possible where like I had to make too many trips I didn't think ahead and uh it was like fuck I think I walked like 350 feet to make this freaking bowl of cereal like by the time I like got the thing out got the milk got the bowl got the

spoon pour it together put all the supplies away. Yeah, I'm familiar with cereal. Okay. Yeah. So I just, you have to plan your routes a little more. But overall, I'm really liking it. I like being here. One of the things that, it's not set up for slacking yet, and I didn't realize it, but I kind of missed that. There's no

downtime. It just seems like I'm always working or something. There's like couch in front of a tv um that that doesn't exist in here yet so we're waiting for the couches and stuff to come in oh did you get that uh shelf for armoire or whatever that has the tv the mechanical lift tv thing actually so it took them too long to deliver it, and then when it came, it arrived broken. So it is now like 20. The second one is like 20 miles from here. It's going to come any day, but it's on its way. That's the thing.

So what we'll have is a TV at the foot of the bed in a, like, I don't know, armoire cabinet-looking thing. And then you press a button and it rises out of the cabinet and you can see the television and then but when you're not looking there you don't like decorate the room with the back of a tv but that same tv is on the opposite side of the room right now but the room is so long i can't read any of the words so like so look at it like the netflix description going off all the pictures you know like you know the episode like you watch bob's burgers for example and it'll say like oh this is the one where the kid gets a pimple but i don't know any of that so i just look at the thumbnails and choose

my tv show because i can't read the words because the tv is too far away yeah that must be rough to just have a home that's so large you can't even even read a 70-inch TV from across the room. It's a 52-inch TV. Yeah. 72-inch TV. No, no, 52. 52. I was trying to just plane it down.

But yeah, anyway, so it's a long bedroom. And I feel like I'm exaggerating all this stuff. Like people are going to see when I do the home tour, they're going to be like, oh, it's just a house. It is just a house. But it is also true that I can't read the TV across the room. Like, that's all true. Jackie and I were doing, like, eyesight tests. Like, she could make the words out, but not at reading pace.

And I was just making words up. Like, I'd get some right. Some that were similar to the right words. Is she liking it? And Hope and Colin? They all like it? Yeah, they all like it. Colin's still getting adjusted to the strangeness of it all.

He had a thing before. Melissa might not know. Colin and I have a special needs kid. He has a thing where he doesn't like to be left alone. And that kind of got amplified when we moved to the new house. He doesn't even like to be a room or two away now. So we're kind of working him through that. But overall, it's working out fine.

That's good. Did you buy any goats yet? No. I'm doing a shop, and there are all kinds of discounts, real estate taxes, write-offs, and stuff like that, that you get if you're a farmer. And to be a farmer isn't actually that hard you just have to sell a thousand dollars

worth of like fruits vegetables or livestock or whatever and I'm like you know dude I could totally sell like a thousand dollars worth of eggs provided I gave that guy the grand and like you know make a uh like I don't know just like cut down on real estate taxes and expenses and things like that so uh so I I joked a lot on Jackie all the time I'm like why a Great Dane why not an emu or a llama or like an ostrich or something like that so yeah Kyle what do you get a lot of what did you get, Kyle? Yeah, it looks like he has a mixed drink, but that doesn't seem like Kyle's style. Is that lemonade?

No, I was attempting to get, I was going to duct tape a 35-pound weight to the end of a barrel and just do that. How much does the gun weigh? I don't know. All of it. It can't weigh more than, like, 30 pounds. Oh, it can. No, yeah. I thought you were going to say it couldn't weigh more than like 30 pounds oh it can no yeah i i was i thought you were gonna say couldn't weigh more than 50 and i'm like i think it is around 50 but more than 30 yes i've tried to hold up um uh so i can pick up a hundred pound rifle and hold it like this um so going like this i can't do because it's mostly barrel but I feel like I do

50 totally 50 one of the challenges the the bipod in particular is really stocky like it's it's heavy and because the bipod hangs like far from on the barrel that's one of it's a lot of barrel weight and the barrel is really thick I think you might be able to shoulder it. Because you're strong and your technique will be good. But if you can, it will be on the edge of your ability to shoulder a rifle.

I would love the opportunity. Next time you come down here or I go up there, I definitely want to check it out. We can film it and show everyone. Well, maybe not if I fail. I might not be able to lift the heavy motherfucker. I've never shot one of those before, so that'll be cool. Yeah, it's pretty cool.

Oh, I have another topic. Oh? I might want to start with Melissa on this one, too. Are you ready? Yeah. It has to be a mammal. What is the most impressive mammal from the animal kingdom that you think you could beat up with your bare hands?

Oh. This is a good question. A squirrel. That's not impressive. That is not impressive at all No Are you kidding me? They're ferocious Animals

Even small ones I mean come on Step up your rabbit game at least Like At least a rabbit No I had a rabbit A wild hare That we caught in our backyard

And it was a son of a bitch. I have scars from it biting me. I haven't taken it. And I would not want to fight it. I've beaten a rabbit before. That one, in real life, fucking put one in the W column for me, because I've taken out a rabbit. When you say barehanded, I guess a knife isn't fair. Right.

Well, yeah, that's the key part of it. Yeah, I'm giving you nothing but a knife isn't fair. Right. Well, yeah, that's the key part of it. Yeah, I'm giving you nothing but a thong, Kyle. I could kill a deer, I think. I think I can catch the deer in some sort of trap and then finish it with my bare hands. I like to think in this scenario we're in an

octagon. You would get fucked up by a deer in an octagon if that deer knew, hey, your goal is to fight this human. I totally think I could take a deer. I could take a deer. I know. I've seen them, right?

I've seen their rapid punching thing, right? I've got that. But no one ever goes for a double leg in that situation, and I don't know why. He's got two more. Because it has four legs. It still has two more to do its bidding. You've got to do a quadruple leg to a deer, Woody. No, in the-

You know the deer standing punching thing? Like, you see it all the time, right? Oh. Yeah? They really pummel you. Uh... Lots of hammer hooves. You could definitely take a raccoon. You wouldn't emerge unscathed, Yeah. but you would

win in the end. You could get your hands around its little neck. You could get your hands around its neck. But it would get a few scratches on you, then your adrenaline would get running, and then like... I can just picture fighting a raccoon. It would scratch you a little bit, and then once you got your

hands around its neck, you would just squeeze it so hard. Can we watch this video together? I have a deer fighting video. Oh, yeah This is a good one Yep, I'm queued up at zero. I am ready to go. Ready, set, play The deer's waiting on him. Look at him. Double leg. Go for the back legs. Go for the...

Get down. Get down. Yeah. See, Kyle? You think you can get down. Oh, my God. That's kind of hurt. I didn't feel it.

What the fuck? Do it again. Do it again. Oh, please do it again. No, he's not going to get it. Look, they're fighting each other. I feel like a deer isn't one of those animals where you don't realize how strong it is until you're right up against it. You don't realize how big it is.

A deer only has one fighting technique, right? He's got no grappling game whatsoever. I really think if he just, like, while he's doing the arm batty thing, go for those hind legs, put them on his back, kick him in the head. Do you think... No, you're going to try and go for a double leg,

and you're going to get hoofed right in the forehead. And then be on the ground in the dirt. They spend their entire lives defending themselves from everything in the wild. What makes you think that a human would... They mostly run away. Zero octagon experience. Yeah, if you get him on the ground, if you ever get it in a headlock on the ground, he's done.

Because he's not good at getting back up. He's on his side, you get him in a headlock and you could just punch him in the eyeball until his head crushed. And for a full, I feel like if I punched a deer 40, 50 times in the eye, its head would crush and he would die. Elbow, elbow. If you could get them in a headlock. You think you could not even just get a headlock, maintain a headlock with a 200 pound woodland animal. First of all, 200 is a massive fucking deer. Now I have put a small deer in a headlock and cut its throat before, but that doesn't count, I don't think. It was kicking all the way, though, so I know what I'm dealing with going

into this. Doesn't count because it wasn't barehanded. See? Yeah. Okay, so let's keep going. What is the most impressive mammal that you could beat up in the octagon? In the octagon? I don't know. Maybe, um, I'm trying to think like I

bet I could do like one of those like some sort of domestic animal it's big if I could just ever choke it well enough I'm not a great Dane no well yeah yeah I could totally kill like any dog because they'll just let you kill him I feel like a lot of a lot of there was no big talk around Jack, I'll tell you that. If I had Jack and I had Locke, I would just be like, it would be the last thing in the world I would want to do. Please God, let the dog die. Joke, joke.

He's just a boy. Yeah. I feel like they wouldn't let it happen. I'm definitely a dog because I feel like they wouldn't let it happen. I'm thinking if you got like a docile llama in there, I feel like if I could... That llama's got that big long neck. I feel like if I could ever get my arms wrapped around that, I could perhaps

choke it out too as long as I could avoid the headbutts. I think I could take out an ostrich. Oh, I saw three lions take down an ostrich in a video on Netflix the other day. It was badass. I had never seen it before. It took all three of them to get him down, but by the end, one of them had its head in its mouth, so it was just game over.

But it was cool. I'd never seen that. They're always going after wildebeest and stuff, but three lions attacking an ostrich. That was pretty neat. I don't think you could take an ostrich. Those was pretty neat. I don't think you could take... I don't think there's any way you could take an ostrich. Those are big, strong animals. The lions had a hard time of it. Okay, maybe not an ostrich. Most impressive animal I could beat in the octagon. This is hard because

compared to most animals, we're phenomenally weak and slow for our size. Humans are. You have to outsmart the guy. You have to outsmart the other animal somehow. Like, you put a three-month-old chimp in the ring with Brock Lesnar, and there's an eyeless, lipless Brock Lesnar walking out three minutes later. My money's on Brock.

Yeah, everyone tells me I'm wrong on this, but I really think that he could be the chimp No, I would $100 The tour that's just Terry. Yes, I would pay a hundred and I pay 150 for the pay-per-view on that. Sorry Pacquiao Yeah, yeah Mayweather and Pacquiao versus him Just Mayweather. Iweather and Pacquiao versus Chimp. Just Mayweather. I don't blame Pacquiao.

You know what I would like to see? I'd like to see Mayweather and Pacquiao versus, like, 50 amateur boxers at the same time. But boxing rules only. Like, nothing crazy. Like, it's not going to be a ground and pound. They all have to stand up and throw blows. I want to see that. Have you seen this?

There's a YouTube video out there where they did six professional Swedish ice hockey players versus 30 amateur hockey players. Can you find it? Like a scrimmage? I got to try and find it. You're nodding like you know it. I've seen the soccer one for sure.

I was going to say, I've seen two in soccer. I think one had a soccer team against like 50 players and the other had like two pros against 10 players. It's hard to say about the animal though. I feel like you're right. Most animals have claws and teeth. I don't know what the most impressive one would be.

It's really hard. Maybe a big snake? Mammal. Oh. Nailed him. Coyote? Fair-handed just isn't fair. I feel like we should get out.

Like, at least with what surrounds us. Like, grab a chair like it's wrestling or something. And, you know, just something around you. Maybe fashion some kind of a weapon out of some shoestrings and something heavy. I don't know. Something better than bare-handed because our hands are just so weak compared to animals. I don't know. Something better than barehanded because our hands are just so weak compared to animals. I don't think I could kill anything very impressive.

It would have to be an animal that just trusted me enough to let me kill it or something I could get a good chokehold on. It's going to be one of those. That's true. With most of these mammals, I feel like a lot of it's going to be not a fight from start to finish. And it still trusts you for like three seconds before it's like he's not fucking around

I start looking around what the fuck's going on here this just seems so mean now where that video should be but it was taken down due to a copyright claim by Nordic content production oh man that sucks those Nordic bastards probably on the hockey team probably do hmm okay I keep targeting these towards Melissa, but again, Melissa.

Gamers of Reddit, I stole this from Ask Reddit, what game do you think is a masterpiece of art? Shadow of the Colossus. Shadow of the Colossus? Yeah, I actually have a Shadow of the Colossus tattoo, so it is by far the best work of art in a video game period where's the tattoo uh it's so when you climb the colossi you have to it's kind of like a puzzle you have to find their weak spot and you have this magical sword that illuminates their uh like pressure points basically and it's this ancient symbol and i have that tattooed on my shoulder my back

it it's the best art video game ever and the last guardian would have been probably a contender for that. However, it's never going to get released because it's been in production for over a decade. Not happening. Half-Life 3. Kyle Taylor, video game is a masterpiece of art. Of art? Yeah.

Oh. Well, I don't feel like that. I feel like Skyrim's pretty gorgeous when you get some mods on there, but that seems like cheating when there's mods involved. Skyrim? It's a beautiful game. Yeah, Skyrim's a good one. I feel like Gears of War was pretty when you were above ground.

Dude, Gears of War had the most inspirational scene. Was it Gears of War 2? I think it was Gears of War had the most inspirational scene. Was it Gears of War 2? I think it was Gears of War 2. When Coltrane first joins you. I think that's the first one. It could be. But I think it's the second.

Maybe it is the first. But I thought it was the second one. Anyway. Your characters. You're like fighting to the death. Things are going rough. You're overwhelmed in a swarm. And even as I'm i'm playing it i'm like i don't think how are we going to get out of this situation clearly it's a winnable game but every three minutes it just gets worse we're only piling

in deeper here and then uh and the gun you have is it called a lancer in gears of war um it's this like machine gun chainsaw combination weapon and uh you're just like like i don't know i'm playing but it seems like an exercise in futility because the monsters just keep getting bigger and badder and more of them and then out of nowhere the guy's like choo choo it's the coal train ain't nobody better than this game and i am or something and and he comes and he starts like he saved the day and he's just the extra firepower you needed that was awesome although we're talking about work of art I'm trying to think

there's an old game I played that looked amazing it was after Myst but right around the same time period um shucks I can't remember I played played missed you say the silent hill games they're not known for looking beautiful so no god of war though best yeah blood ever it's like a magical dance of blood everywhere and i really liked God of War 3. All God of War.

All of it. I haven't played it, but I feel like I haven't finished it because it got too boring for me, but Heavy Rain seems like a candidate for a question like this. Maybe. I've never played it either. Watched Wings play it a bit. Boring.

Boring, you say? It's like a movie where you press buttons every now and then. You have to get up, go brush your teeth. So, Uncharted. No, Uncharted. There's more gameplay in Uncharted than Heavy Rain. I don't know. You go brush your teeth.

That's the very beginning of the game. You go to the bathroom and then you have to press some buttons and brush your teeth. She's right. It's worse that though. So first of all picture my life especially a few years ago when the kids were younger and now let me describe this video game. You get up, you brush your teeth, you have to set the dishes on the table, you watch some children as they like misbehave around them the mall and shit like that and then you take them to the park and you push them on

the swing in the most boring way possible. And then you take them to the park and you push them on the swing in the most boring way possible. And then you push them on, not a swing, but there's this sort of... Merry-go-round. Yeah, merry-go-round. But it's not horses. It's just like a horizontal disc. That's a carousel. But it's not mechanical. You're the dad

who has to push it and make it go. Kyle knows his carnival rides. It's not a carnival. It's like a children's playground. You push them on this little horizontal disc to make them go. The whole time, I'm like, oh my god, this is worse than real life.

It's like if you had to do your fake taxes in the game before you got started. That's perfect. It's just your character bumbling around like, where's my W-2? Yeah. And if you put the dishes down too harshly, your wife fusses at you for it. And you're just like, are you serious? That's heavy rain.

It's like wife makes a snarky comment and it's like respond with quietness or ignore and hope that she's not mad later yeah sounds about right yeah but did you play heavy rain all the way through melissa oh no way i maybe lasted 30 minutes before i was like this is horse shit yeah no i lasted about an hour but i'm told i missed oh oh but then after all that stuff finished and I lost the kid, now I'm a detective walking around in the rain trying to observe things. And it's like, well, this is just a scavenger hunt. I mean, clearly this is a predefined game. It's not like, so what am I here looking for?

And you're just walking all over very slowly in the rain through the tall grass looking for shit on the ground like I'm fixing something and I dropped a bolt and and it's like well this sucks i it was but wing said it was the best game he had ever played in his life and then he said this this is what really made me want to do it he's like i'm not sure it's good for youtube because there's lots of violence and sex some Some of my favorite things. So I thought like, I'll love this game. But I didn't, at least not the parts I saw. I can't remember which Final Fantasy it was.

I stopped playing them a while ago when they said, okay, you got to play it for 20 hours before you really get into it. It's like, I do not have 20 hours to waste on a video game to get into it or see if really get into it. It's like, I do not have 20 hours to waste on a video game to get into it or see if I get into it. Yeah, you got to hook me quicker than that. Yeah.

I'm curious about Dark Souls. Me too. Some people say it's awesome, but apparently it's really hard. That's one I want to pick up. So you play, I'm not looking for Bioshock what's the borderlands shock is gorgeous Bioshock that might be on my list not only is it gorgeous but the story is awesome yes which is you know part of to me what the art thing is it's not just the grip, it's the story. Yeah.

Which ones have you played, Woody? Bioshock. All but the newest one. The one that takes place in the air? Yeah, I haven't played that one. You'll be watching, you'll be reading on Reddit to figure out what you just played, though. It's pretty complicated, convoluted, time traveling, dimension traveling,

alternate universe type thing going on there. And it's a bit hard. You just gave away the ending. No, I didn't. No, they're doing it the whole time. That doesn't come until the very end. No, they're doing it the whole time. They're jumping from universe to universe.

Kind of. Yeah, and you got the twins and they're like, oh, Les told me. And they're keeping count of his reactions. It's pretty clear what's going on early, I thought. Hmm. Maybe I'm wrong. It's a beautiful game, though. The water effects in the first two are just the best.

Yes, they are. They are amazing. The second one was the one where the daughter plays a role, right? She plays a major role. That spire shuckin infinite that's infinite in the cloud city hooking on to the things and no i'm definitely talking about this it's an underwater one and the daughter is there and you and her team up to beat the boss character together if i recall or she is the boss character that you beat. No one remembers?

I haven't played. I have no idea. I don't remember it going down like that. So there's the little sisters, and if you don't kill all the little sisters throughout the game, then at the end, they're like, oh, we're going to help you, and they help you. But your daughter, you don't have a daughter in the in the first two as far as i think in the second what am i mixing up it's bioshock well yeah kind of

because you play the original big daddy and then you're kind of your pheromone linked with one of the little sisters so kind of oh maybe she's not your daughter maybe she's just a little sister she's like the grown-up version of the first little sister or something. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I thought she was your, maybe it's the big daddy thing got me all mixed up.

Well, yeah, she's kind of your daughter because they like link you together with pheromones or something to make you, to make the little sisters like go to the big daddies. Let me see Wikipedia explains who this girl is it doesn't seem to because she's trying to help all the other little sisters that are oh here it is that are being put up is her name eleanor infinite that's an infinite it's definitely

bioshock 2 eleanor yeah eleanor now a, has gained control over the little sisters. Oh, no, that is two. Using Adam. This must be boring to listen to. Very good looking. Eleanor is actually Lamb's daughter. Are you Lamb? Eleanor is actually Lamb's daughter. Are you Lamb?

No. Lamb is the original doctor that created the Little Sisters. Gotcha. Okay. So Eleanor is Lamb's daughter. And she was brought to Rapture. And she's the character. A lot of people didn't like her.

I liked her. I guess that's all I was getting to on that. I thought she was cool. And she had a thing she kept saying during a boss fight that I found inspirational. But yeah. So anyway. Bioshock was good. Bioshock Infinite is worth the play you should check it out. I can't get this fucking thing to work I don't know why so I don't even know why and I'm giving up I'm going to send I don't know they'll have to do something I don't know what to do. You'll get it next week.

No, I get frustrated with things and quit very quickly. I'm done with that now. You're not an Ikea guy, I take it. No! No, I won't have that shit. Kitty bought some shelves the other day. Brought in these shelves that come in a box. The box is this thick. It's a small box.

I'm like, what is this? It's heavy. she's like oh it's a whole rack of cube racks it's for storage and I'm just like what the fuck and I open it up and it's all these it's it's like a it's a square of like like wires that are like crisscross like like like fencing well and you have to like put them together with these stupid snappy plastic things where you're like Cramming each one into the plastic thing to make it snap on and then another thing plugs into that It's like Legos for people who hate fucking Legos, and I put it together for like 15 minutes I had one cube assembled I turned it on its side like I'm supposed to to like add another cube to that and it fell apart

And I was just like how much did you pay for this she's like 28 or something I was like I'm gonna go out and buy you a wooden one and give you 28 because I'm throwing this shit away and I did because that it's I refuse to put Ikea furniture together anything like that anything where there's assembly required and it might be tedious I start sweating i start i always get frustrated i'm in a weird angle working on it with like somebody else's pair of pliers or somebody else's phillips head screwdriver that's all shitty and too small and it's just like i don't want to do this i hate that i hate putting do you yell out loud when you're doing stuff like that or do you just like grumble under your breath like in angry you knowration just I'm kind of leave this fucking bullshit

There's a series of those there's a series of those and I complained the whole way through and I blame everyone Whose decisions brought me to where I am here. I'm like I'm the whole time. I'm like kitty. What the fuck? Why am I doing this? You know, I hate this Together you know, I hate this shit I'm just like getting madder and madder and by the end like when I threw it away Like it's still on the porch cuz I fucking threw it away like I didn't put in the trash can I just threw it out the fucking door They even real people in Sweden

To check their tax returns? Those meatballs are good. You ever had the IKEA meatballs? No. They serve hot meatballs right there at IKEA. They got their own brand of pizza, too. Not too bad. Yeah, they do.

Yeah. There's a huge IKEA near me. Maybe it's a... I've heard that they serve food. And they've got these Cinnabon things, too. These cinnamon roll things. It smells delicious at Ikea. Wow, it sounds like they're really trying to set you up for success.

You're going to be bent over building something so they fill you up with meatballs and cinnamon rolls. I'm good at those things. I can put together Ikea furniture. Jackie and I are a good team on it. Now, the issue comes in. When Jackie buys something that I didn't want right now. Not only am I out of money but I have a piece of shitty storage furniture somewhere right. Like

she bought this giant thing for our living room in the last house and it's like I don't want this here. Now there's it's so big there's like another wall shrinking our living room. It looks awful. It's cheap furniture, right? If furniture's good, it's heavy and it's pre-assembled and a crew carries it in the house for you. If furniture's crap, it comes in a cardboard box with lots of

little rubber grommets or little wooden dowels and stuff and you do it yourself. One of those screwdrivers that's bent so that you can spin it like that. Right. If it's particle board, that's just bad furniture.

It's not going to survive a move or two and it's going to be bad. So sometimes we want bad furniture, right? Maybe it's like the kid's closet or something like that and now she has a better way to organize her stuff for the next two years. But if it's awful furniture and I didn't want it in the first place

sometimes jackie finds herself putting it together on her own it's just like no that one's not me i had nothing to do with that as a matter of fact i wish i had my money back so uh so yeah that's how things go down around here i don't no assembly required or just don't even fucking bother i i hate it like minor assembly it's no big deal like uh you know just little stuff right you put the feet on the couch yourself yeah but yeah exactly you know that sort of thing's easy setting up televisions and electronics never bothered me. I have a little bit of an aptitude, I think, for just plugging things in the right hole. Some people don't have that magical skill. I had an ex-girlfriend and she was... I was just like...

I looked behind the TV and I was like, baby, you've been playing... You've been watching standard deaf TV for like the last two fucking years because you're using these... You're using component cables instead of composite. I was like, you're not even, it's 480i or some shit in here. Like, I don't even know what you're watching. You're watching the Golden Girls. It's bad. But you're watching it like it was originally broadcast.

Like it's TV land, but it's not supposed to look like shit. And like, you know, I got some component cables and hook it all up and it's just like warm. Like the TV's lit up. It seems even brighter. And I'm just like, how did that happen? She's like, oh, I don't do cables. And I'm just like, you know, I could teach you to do cables in 30 fucking seconds if you walk over here and look at the back of these boxes.

Because there's like three different kinds and it's really simple. But no, I could plug things in, but I know plenty of people who can't, I suppose. I hook up all the electronics around here. It's mostly just colors. Back in the old days, it was a little tougher. And back in the old, old days, it wasn't color-coded. You know how now, even the old ones are like, what, red, yellow, white, right? And there's maybe two reds. But back then, they were all black,

and you had to sort of line up, like, all right. And things went in and out, like it was passed through the VCR. So you're like, all right, this goes in audio in, and this goes in, it was a little more complicated. My father, who was a very smart guy, right? Totally smart guy, well-educated, owned his own business, he was a CPA, whatever, whatever. Would feign complete incompetence at this task.

It was always like he couldn't even know where to begin hooking up the wires behind a television. And he has gone his entire life having never had to learn it because he just, you know, oh, I don't do that. I'm not good at it. My dad's a similar thing, like with technology do that. I'm not good at it. My dad's a similar thing with technology like that. I try to explain how Wi-Fi and Bluetooth and HDMI and the basics of that stuff. And it's just like, well, how do I get it on the TV? And I'm just like, well, this is not just a TV.

This is an entertainment machine. There are applications just like your phone has. And there's any number of things we could access with this TV. I was like, you could trade your stocks on this TV. You could purchase things on Amazon and they would just arrive within a day.

I was like, it's incredible. And he's like, but how do I get NASCAR? He's like, where's 4, 7, and 13? And those are like the broadcast channels that we listen to like back in the broadcast TV days it's NBC, CBS and ABC like where are those at and it's like ah motherfucker

like I brought him I'm taking him a thumb drive tomorrow I've got season 1 of Game of Thrones on it I'm gonna introduce him to that he's got a 4K TV I think I found a 4K version of Game of Thrones. I bought a really big memory card and I'm going to make that happen tomorrow.

Nice. Hopefully he likes it. I'm sure he will. Everybody likes it. Yeah, I think so. Speaking of that, I gave my PO box out a few weeks ago. I think it's 102 Cardsville, Georgia 30521. A few of you sent me some cool things for my birthday,

so thank you very much. The guy who sent me this, I'm not sure where your card is. I've got all the cards here. This one's from Scott. I never miss an episode of PKA. Love the show. Enjoy the Game of Thrones talk. Here's a little something I think you might enjoy browsing through.

Some nice backstory and details about the past mentioned in the books. No worries about spoilers. Seems like old George added perspective while still keeping it vague on some of the details that might be important to the storyline of the books. Shout out to Woody and Mirka. Enjoy. Scott. So Scott sent me this very nice Game of Thrones book. That is pretty cool.

Lots of illustrations. Lots of backstory. I've glanced through it a bit, but I plan to read it cover to cover. If Tolkien had written Game of backstory. I've glanced through it a bit, but I plan to read it cover to cover. If Tolkien had written Game of Thrones, all that shit would be in the books. It'd just be all that backstory, all that. Go on. I believe this was a female fan. I can't find your name and your address.

I'm going to send both of you something cool in the mail, by the way. That's why I don't have your address. I tore it off the thing and gave it to Kitty, and she's arranging something for you both. But she sent me a car and this Ushanka. So that was pretty cool. I've already got one. I'll add this to the collection. But thank you for that. And she had a really nice note

too that I can't find. And then this guy, this is what the photo was in, but it says, open after reading the note, you fuck. And the note reads, Hey Kyle, I included your favorite picture, winky smiley face. This is dated May 1st at 8.21am, in case anyone's wondering. I'm not shitting you.

P.S. Pardon for my shitty handwriting if it isn't up to par like yours. Oh, and keep your promise that you'd show this on PKA slash PKN, preferably PKA so a couple hundred thousand people can see it. And he sent me this. So happy birthday to me this year. Oh, he even wrote on this, Andy. His username is VoidSpy. User VoidSpy, I think, on Reddit.

So thanks for that. I really appreciate it. I wear my Ushanka when I check the perimeters so I can get this on and go. That's pretty cool. So thank you both for your gifts um and yeah send me more shit i'll put on send me cool stuff i like getting cool stuff it's like it's like a a christmas every uh every time i go to that po box i didn't get anything for christmas for my birthday this year like not a single thing except for these things and so i appreciate that very

much i uh i also think it's amazing. But I don't have a P.O. box, so people have to sleuth my address and send it. I've gotten glasses and little knick-knacks here and there. I was showing you guys some stuff I got before the show. But there used to be an address that

I didn't live at. And if you Googled Woody's Gamertag address, it would give this thing in Raleigh on Woodland Court or something. I want to meet that guy. I want to just... How many letters do you get? How many people have sent stuff to the wrong address?

And I bet he's got a bunch of things. I bet he'd be interested in meeting me. Yeah, that'd be cool. I bet he's got a lot of weird stuff. I wonder if he's gotten the full story about what's going on. I don't know. Oh, hey, we were talking about Kitty's, like, candle business the other day. And I just wanted to show you, like, what she's done here.

Like, this isn't, I don't mean this to be a plug or anything, but, like, I just think everything looks really professional. Like, these are... Why is it so... Oh, there we go. or anything, but I just think everything looks really professional. Like, these are... Why is it so... Oh, there we go. Yeah, this is like bath salts, I think. But everything's like that. There's some sort of cooling

pain balm that she made. It looks first class. It does look very fancy. Here are your candles. I wonder if she'll get big. She could get super rich off of this. We'll see. This is my addition to the whole mix. There's also chapsticks and beard oil and shit like that.

But inside here, it's packaged up, so I won't open it and break the seal. But are these. These are my candles. This is called Napalm in the Morning. It smells like gasoline. Of course it does. On the lid, you know, you got the pistols. Ah, yes, yes.

You know, it just says Napalm in the Morning there. And it really, there's no smell-o-vision, but it smells immediately like gasoline. And it smells, there's no smell-o-vision, but it smells immediately like gasoline. And it smells like poor quality gasoline. It reminds me of what actual napalm smells like. It smells a little bit like an old car's fuel tank that you're working on or something.

How does she get the smell right? Like if I said, hey, Kitty, I want something that smells like, you know, diesel exhaust. She had to order all these scents um from some company and sometimes she combined them to like make brand new things like this is there's a peach mango fusion uh candle burning next to me but apparently there were um there's a gasoline one or something like that uh and it all worked out so she could make one so i actually kind of like the smell of gasoline. Me too. I think a lot of people do. That's why I'm smelling it.

It smells pretty good. It's not that bad. It's mint as a joke candle, but it kind of smells good. There's also bullshit. And it's going to have bullshit written on the side. And it's going to have a picture of shit on the top. And it smells like shit. She's got the smell concentrate, whatever it is, like this bottle of shit stink.

And she's like, hey, smell this. Let me know what you think. And I think it's like rosemary or like lilies in the summer. And I'm just like, oh, fuck. It's like rotten flesh or something. It's shit. And so that's going to be a funny joke candle. And that's why they're this size, these four ounce candles.

So I think those are going to be cool. There's also a gunpowder candle, but it doesn't smell like gunpowder. So I'm working on that. Hmm. Yeah. Yeah, I think so. I'm going to be, I'm doing an appearance in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania sometime in July. It's a major gun show.

And they gave me a few booths. There's supposed to be 16,000 attendees. And I'll have like three booths full of merchandise and myself out there. So you have two July trips semi scheduled already Is this gonna conflict with any of them is? Oh, no that the trip I'm talking about has been planned for like four months like I've made sure that everything is oh We just lost the video, but are we sure that it's not gonna interfere with paintball Paintball or the fight those are two things we were talking about

Not going to interfere with paintball? Paintball or the fight. Those are the two things we were talking about. I think it was going to interfere with the fight. I think that was what I said a while back. I don't think I'm going to be able to do the fight. I can confirm that tomorrow, but I'm pretty sure I can't go to the fight. But paintball is fine.

Oh, and paintball, I got more details from TJ today. What we're going to do is on that set, it's July. Let me make sure I'm perfect on this. It's the weekend of July 12th. That's when this thing's going down. What happened? I don't have his video, so... It sounds like he just got really far from his mic. Yeah, I bent over to... Oh, okay. I bent over.

So the thing is happening July 12th. It's that weekend. But we're going to be there for two days, it seems. So Kyle, where would someone go if they wanted to purchase a gasoline or a bullshit candle? They're not online yet. Oh, this is just a tease. Yeah, she hasn't launched anything yet. So I'm going to the event calendar over on pbbomb.com and July 12th.

Okay, it's the World at War 4 scenario game. And July 5th? No, July 5th? No, July 12th, excuse me. Pre-registration. The pre-registration deadline is July 5th.

And I'm just trying to see when July 12th is, if that's a Saturday or a Sunday. Find my calendar. May, June, July. Ah, okay, perfect. So July 11th, which is a Saturday, we're going to do a group that's just our group, just PKA fans and me and Woody and maybe Taylor can make it, I hope,

and Chiz, most likely. And I thought it would be fun to, like, and Joe Lozon, if he can make it, though he's got to fight, so I guess he can't. And I thought it would be fun to, like, each of us, like, pick teams or something and verse each other in some sort of, like, round-robin tournament, like my guys versus Woody's guys. And, you to each of us pick teams or something and verse each other in some sort of round-robin tournament,

like my guys versus Woody's guys. And we just pick teams, like it's pickup basketball or something. I think that would be fun. And so that's going to be July 11th. It's going to be free play all over the place on all the maps like it was last time. And then July 12th, you can join us during the scenario game where they open up all the fields and have a gigantic game

with a couple thousand players. So yeah, pbbomb.com worldatwar4 I think there's dashes between world at and war and four. You can just go to the event calendar. Very cool. So, should we call it a show?

Yeah, I guess so. That one got away from me. I enjoyed myself very much. Thanks for coming on, Melissa. Yeah, Melissa. I thought this was a good show nice to meet you guys yeah nice to meet you you're no longer that shadowy figure in the background so thank you again

if you want to check out Crunchyroll they are definitely the way to go for all your anime needs and there's a link in the description below check them out alright bye everyone thanks for coming on babe thank you for having me