Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #233

Episode Date: June 11, 2015

This week on PKA, ONS1AUGH7 aka Mike joins the show and the internet after many, many years and he updates us on what it's like being an adult, and then Kyle dives into his experiences with threeways which segues very nicely into police shootings.....if only all of this was incorporate into a Woodys Lab video! 

And we're live! Episode 233, holy smokes, of Painkiller already. Our guest here is Onslaught. This episode is being brought to you by Squarespace. Start building your website today at squarespace.com, enter offer code PKA at checkout to get 10% off Squarespace, build it now. It's also being brought to you by Crunchyroll, our favorite sponsor of all time. So head on over to crunchyroll.com slash pka and sign up and register today to get in on our exclusive offer of Crunchyroll Premium for 30 days. That's right. Crunchyroll Premium for an entire month if you sign up

using crunchyroll.com slash pka. We have two sponsors. Did you do both? Of course I did. I was just fussing about audio. I hardly... It was seamless. That was so professional. Nice. I thought you did well. Thank you. Before the show the show Mike you were talking about how you're quite the anime fan

what's your favorite I am the latest episode of fairy tale was incredible oh my god did you guys see it yeah of course what's Tiffany going to do next in Ikea One Piece the last week's episode of One Piece

really had me on the edge of my seat. So, yeah. Well, the edge is all you need with Crunchyroll.com. Seriously, if you're into anime, Crunchyroll has no peer in this space. And if you need a website, then Squarespace is the place to be. So check them out.

Links in the description, annotations on the screen. Click them, Buy from them. Make them love us. Kyle, who's the lovely lady behind you? I didn't ask her name. She's just hanging out with us for the rest of the evening. She just has to stay on there, I think. So should we go into our first topic or should we talk to Mike?

I want to talk to Mike. It's been a hot minute since I've talked to him. What's going on with you, man? Yeah, Mike. I saw you tweeted. Lots of hot minutes. You had a two-year gap in your Twitter feed and then bam, like there's a kid who can like walk and talk and shit.

I know. So that's what's been keeping me busy, obviously. And I really don't know, like I would look on Twitter every now and then but I haven't posted a YouTube video in like a year and a half almost two years and I just thought hey I'll post those something on Twitter I haven't been around in a while and the response was amazing yeah it was pretty cool of a surprise that people still actually are following my Twitter feed but I don't know it's pretty cool so real life you still an architect yeah yeah anything new there like what do you do in architect you set up like retail stores right

I'm not an a licensed architect per se so there's a long process you have to go through through the schooling and testing and registration and all that so I'm a project manager I have the ability to take tests to become licensed, but at the company that I'm at, they're so large, I really don't have any motivation to be registered at the moment. So I'm a project manager. I work with clients and manage projects and get stuff built. I work in retail, so if you shop somewhere,

then I had the potential to work on your building. Any retail stores we've heard of it's like you do toys r us or walmart or anyone uh yeah big um i'd rather not say names of names you don't want to go through your list do you travel much i did um occasionally a little bit we have a new client that's based in Florida. That's, um, that's opening up a brand new concept. It's like a boutique retail kind of surf shop. So we have four of those that are opening this year. So I've been back and forth from there a good bit.

Nice. How's everything with the kid? Is it everything you hoped for? You have to air any grievances now before he's old enough to understand it. No, it's awesome. You know what? One of the most annoying things is, is bottles. Okay, so you have, there's two types of bottles. One that constantly leaks and another that never leaks.

They're like bottles or sippy cups. One that never leaks but has like 4,000 parts to it. So I have to kind of pick my evil whether I want water or milk all around my house or whether I want to assemble a bottle before I give him something to drink so outside of that it's good and he's like two right yeah he's two yeah he just turned to women stop breastfeeding how long do they do that I don't know like I'm basing that off of Game of Thrones where that kid was like eight or nine. Yeah. The kid stops breastfeeding a few months in, but I kept

it going. She's still lactating because, you know, I have needs for cereal and whatever. What do you pinch a penny anywhere you can? You know, you've seen that special milk in his refrigerator.

A penny saved is a penny earned. We were talking about that on our trip. Yeah! The possibility so it's a bit of a spoiler, but in Mad Max there's a scene where they're basically pumping women for their breast milk because it's post-apocalyptic.

There's no cows. You can't support cows, but you can support women and you can milk them. We were talking about why is it that we think of breast milk as such an abhorrent thing that we wouldn't want to drink. It's cool. Yeah, when we're happy to drink milk out of something like a cow, which if you really think about it is a really disgusting, dirty animal. Those teats get shit splattered on them and dirt all the time. A woman's breast breast for the most part is very clean little shit yeah zero shit on on most of the titties that i have uh encountered

in my life i could go to the next level like the people drink cow's milk all the time but if i were to offer them goat's milk or like rabbit milk or dog milk they'd all be like what no that's gross takes a lot of rabbits they'd say that it was just awful but really like why is cow like the adopted animal other than the fact that they produce massive amounts of yeah that's it yeah if there was an alternate universe where everyone drank human women milk then like i can totally see why that would be more normal and regular and cool you know yeah that's a good political stance. That's a job-creating idea. Right, right? Everyone's seen the CPG Grey video

where they say that unskilled labor is totally going to be replaced by machines. New jobs! Yeah. I would like that. I feel like there should be some group of people who are really into it, too. With every food fetish that comes about,

this isn't organic. This is like the next version of organic, right? It's super organic. It's straight from the woman's breast. There's nothing... If you had really organically fed women, if you had a vegan woman breast milk,

I think that would be the top tier of breast milk. Yeah, a lot of niche markets. Oh, God. So the woman has to be vegan in this scenario? Or maybe she's fed a pure diet of alcohol, like nothing but grain alcohol. So her breast milk is alcoholic. And then if you're on a budget, you can just get purely corn-fed women they eat out of troughs you know i've heard you always hear about like it's it's kind of a terrible story but when

like crack mothers or whatever or women who are like on serious drugs breastfeed they're they're passing along barbiturates and all kinds of things to the baby so maybe we could have like some stoned women and we could drink their titty milk and get wasted off of titty milk. You know, I was looking for kind of a noob's way to get into Quaaludes. And I think I'm sure. Quaaludes, what year is this? I don't know. They don't even make those.

You know how they have those stories on some of the organic products where it's like Richard the chicken you know had a great life I would want it to say like Vanessa was given plenty of room to frolic pictures of her like laying out in the backyard with only bikini bottoms no yeah yeah yeah like I imagine on the cover it's her face her chest and one titty just one that's right there and it's just like a slice of her like that that you see on the jug of milk. That's to be classy. And you like dig through them looking for the hot chick. Aha! Yeah. They'd be

free range hotties playing like beach volleyball and stuff and breastfeeding. Yeah. You'd get a whole new swath of snooty assholes. Oh, you're drinking you know, Tiffany from somewhere in Texas who's eating hormone beef and all that nasty shit I only drink Sasha from Boston who eats pure diets

Mike have you tested human human breast milk have you ever tasted it I have not I step up your game for the next kid just saying I'm sure at some point all of us have had it. We just can't recall. Yeah, to some level. I tweeted out like a month ago, like, you know, as I think about it, everyone in this family has sucked on Jackie's boobies. Oh, I bet your kids

love that. I would. Jesus Christ. Yeah. Oh, I would try it if everybody else went and did it first, but I don't want to be the pioneer into that industry. What was that website we found? Wasn't it where women would pour the milk in their mouth and then spit it out? Was that?

Oh, yeah. Or did we actually find breast milk? I thought we did find where you could buy breast milk. Oh, it's the gargling one. I know what you're talking about. That's a satire website. Yeah, that's different. Oh, that was a satire website yeah that's that that's different oh that was a satire website no that was yeah there's no way people are buying full bottles of mouthwashed around milk oh totally

yeah getting little bits of food that the woman had eaten two days prior disgusting where they're buying a few panties i found it let's try and find this. I'm on it. Oh, we already found it. Yeah, now I'm all over this. I haven't seen P.K. in a while. It's all coming back to me now, though. Yeah, here we go. I remember. White Power Milk. Yeah, it had like a racist overtone now that I remember.

Were all the girls, were they all white? Yes. Oh, and they all white? Yes. Oh, and I remember the jawline. We were rating which one was the hottest. Yeah. Woody's always got an interesting view on that. Yeah. You know, that leads me to my first.

I swear I'll circle back to this. Sure. Let's hit it. All right. Left to right. Who would bang Caitlyn? So here's the problem with Caitlyn. This photograph of Caitlyn

is pretty attractive for a 50-something-year-old woman. 65. However, this is super airbrushed and she's got tons of makeup on. It took them five hours to make her look like this, and then they airbrushed it. So she's got tons of makeup on it took them five hours to make her look like this and then they airbrushed it so no i don't think she looks anything like this in real life

um we all know what bruce jenner looked like he was a fucking olympic athlete he's got a manly face and i know there were hours of feminization face surgery but this this this lady still looks like a dude if you see her in person. I guarantee it. Yeah, it's going to be a hard pass for me. Yeah, even the photo is still, I mean, it's, yeah, there's still a manly essence to that. I'd hit it. Oh, Jesus Christ.

Look again. This is a girl. Yeah, new topic, Mike says. Would you ask her to, like like regalia you have stories from her days in the olympics look at her collarbones her collarbones are like that's sort of right on like there's so much her collarbones are ruining it there have you seen what 4chan did where they're like they started a mock thing where they're like if she was a woman the whole time she shouldn't be able to keep her medals when she was a man in the Olympics.

And, like, it's just a huge troll operation. But a couple, like, less reputable sources have picked it up. And I just think that's so funny that they manage to do this kind of shit so regularly. Just get under people's skin with something that's just PC enough to garner the left's hatred of, like... But, you know, just realistic enough that conservatives are like oh no she's still a man yeah she's mentally ill but as a whole i don't i think it's fine she's doing what she's doing yeah i got no problem with it i just don't ever make you happy we all know what bruce jenner looks like though and and the final product no matter what how much surgery they they she endures

is not going to look like that picture i guarantee it it. Wait until you see some tabloid photo of Caitlyn on the street. But based on this picture, based on this picture, I mean, like, come on, she's kind of hot, right? Like, yeah, I'd fuck this picture, and I'd also fuck the hot female bunny from Space Jam, okay? Because they're on the same level, right? Uh-huh.

They are not on the same level. Neither are based in reality. And my understanding is it's pretty hard to sex rabbits. That could have been a dude for all we know. That was a hot rabbit, and she was person-sized, if you remember the movie. Just saying, like, it takes some training. She had two breasts. Right away, she's got some human, you know.

See? She's, like, missing four breasts in that scenario. I'm okay with that. I hate those other four. I'm not going to milk her like you. You know, you're being a little judgy in this part of the show. I'm watching rabbits milk. So, yeah, I wanted to do the left or right on that.

I don't know. I think she turned out pretty hot. But I don't think that's a picture of her. I think that's a heavily photoshopped picture of her wearing tons of makeup with hair extensions and perfect lighting with a professional photographer. Yeah, but that's like every magazine cover. No. So look at this part of her body.

Like in here, like around the collarbone and below the collarbone I don't even know what like the top of my three years are much better yeah show me yours again cow show me more that's right you ever thought of going into the milk gargling business so mike how were you able to give up the fame and fortune of youtube fame and fortune i don't know there wasn't a ton of fame and fortune there for me it was a lot of work um that was the biggest thing job was taking more responsibility and the kid came along and just priorities kind of shifted so i uh i can't wait anymore i want to know is your dog all right you've had an awesome dog yeah she's all right she's getting old though yeah um she's a weimaraner so they're pretty big dogs they have joint problems and she's like i think she's 10 or so and she's starting to get some arthritis and stuff. Woody's getting a wolf.

I thought you had a wolf. You had the big-ass Irish wolfhound. So I had a Great Dane, maybe, when you were still doing YouTube. Oh, you don't have him? He died like two weeks ago. Oh, no. Yeah, he was only— Nice job, Mike. Next topic.

like two weeks ago. Oh, no. Yeah, he was only... Nice job, Mike. Next topic. He was only... He was about five, and in the middle of the night, he just had a heart attack

at the foot of our bed. Great Danes can have heart issues sometimes. You know, they're big dogs, so they're all messed up, right? So now we're actually looking for a new Great Dane. We've looked at a lot of breeds, and I keep circling back. Great Danes are cool.

They're cool because they line up with what we want. We like big dogs. I love that. They're big dogs. They're all messed up. So we're getting another Great Dane. We'll take two this time. We have one. We're getting our second. I will take two. If it was up to me, we got the Weimaraner

because both my wife and I were able to agree on it. She wanted like a, I don't know, golden retriever or something. My childhood dog was a Weimaraner. If it was up to me, I would get an Irish Wolfhound. I have loved those dogs since Robin Hood back in the day when those things were all around in that movie. So, all right. Sorry. I don't even know what those look like.

Yeah, I'm actually looking one up. Share it with everybody. Irish Wolfhound? Oh, they're awesome. They're massive. They have long fur, though. Yeah, it's a Great Dane with long hair. Would you consider that one, Kyle?

It has the word wolf in it. I recommended that one to Woody. I told him he should get the biggest fucking dog he could get, and I know those Irish Wolfhounds are some of the biggest. Yeah, I like it. So I don't know about the Irish Wolfhounds in general. We like the coat on the Great Dane because they're so small. And I was going to say something else.

Oh, oh, Great Danes are neat because they're, like, mega athletic. Like, you let them outside, and they just gallop like horses, and they sprint. They run, like, 35, 40 miles an hour. They're really cool. But when that's over and it's only like five minutes, they're the laziest dogs ever. They just sit there and lay on the ground like bumps on a log and don't do anything. They say they're good apartment dogs. And I like that.

I like a dog that's athletic when you turn it on and then you flip the off switch and they lay around all day that's perfect to me so i think we want that again yeah i really wanted you to find some sort of a weird freak dog to get like and then they get old fast like it's kind of a negative on the death side, but our yellow labs were puppies for like four years. Just like tons of energy bouncing off the walls, destructive, whatever. What about our fox? Our Danes, like 18 months in, they're grown-up dogs. What about a pet fox?

That'd be cool, right? No. No. They probably have really smelly hormone pee that attracts other foxes. And they're wild animals. They have like no affection for humans or like... I've seen some that do have affection. I really think you should get an alternative pet.

Fox. Kyle, it's really easy to encourage your friends to get alternative pets. Yeah. Because then you... It's like having a boat, whatever comedian said that. You don't want to have the boat you want Your friend to have the boat so you can About the shit show me your pet emu show me you show me the ostrich that's roaming around in your yard

That's no way to refer to kitty It's Kitty's fucking dog now like it rained the other day and like i get a text and it's like dax loose in the house i'm like what the fuck like you want to warn me like he'll kill me if i go up there and i'm on arm why don't you do it again to terrorize that dog to the point there was not there wasn't any one thing um there was one freak out moment where like went to chop down a bush, like a weed really that was next to my mailbox when I was walking him and the

arm movement of chopping that spooked him and he wrapped himself around the mailbox and pulled the mailbox out of the ground and then wormed his way out of a shoulder harness and disappeared for three days. Sounds traumatic. I wonder if he doesn for three days. Sounds traumatic. I wonder if he doesn't like you.

Fuck him. My neighbor came over yesterday or the day before, and they brought a dinner, which I thought was really cool, with instructions on how to heat it up and everything. And we gave him a little house tour, showed showed him around and he sees my computer now my computer has like an ultra wide monitor in the middle and then two monitors on either side and he's like oh yeah yeah that makes sense because i saw you look into the side and i was wondering what you were looking at and it's like fuck he's watching pka like this is not good like my worlds are not supposed to collide like

you know he's gonna be like huh what what he's tasted human breast milk and he's pretty interested in rabbit titties and like i know exactly what you mean yeah i don't like that either um the guy that cuts my grass like like randomly i was he got done cutting the grass and i was like oh you guys did a good job blah blah blah i was like who do i pay who's the guy to pay he's like he's like ask me over here it's nice to meet you i really like that fucking cannon you got where do i get one of them cannons and i'm just like shit i don't know man i got the only one like what are you gonna say yeah it paul if you catch this like like, this is entertainment, man. Don't judge me.

Just saying. I'm not supposed to see any of you people in real life. Exactly how he is in real life. It's all like titty milk and hoping for world disasters and shit like that. Watching Nepalese children fall down into fault lines and get smushed. Like, he loves it. Like you don't have any hobbies. Actively making fun of poor countries and all their shit tier activities.

He's all about that in the pre-show. So Mike, tell me more about life. What's going on? Life. We bought a new house. Did you? Yeah.

You're a, you moved into your new place. I am. This is my new place. Awesome. How is it? I,. This is my new place. Awesome. How is it? It's awesome. There are times when I genuinely just look out the door or walk through some of the bigger rooms and be like, I feel lucky to live here.

It's pretty cool. Yeah. And then there are other times where it's just normal to me. Yeah, we kind of did that. we were in a townhome before it was i don't know 1600 square feet just a standard townhome right and then we we bought like a 3500 square foot house with like an acre worth of land and love it so yeah it's um but it's that also has taken taken a lot of time because there's lots of stuff to maintain and keep up with. Is your house new? No, it's old.

It was built, I think, in 89, 90. Yeah. Mine has sections in it. Some is that old. Some is even older. I think we got parts built in the 70s. Someone that goes back to the dawn of man, I believe. This is Winterfell. The Underground Railway. Part of that touches where his house was. Right. 70s someone that goes back to the dawn of man i believe this is winter fell um underground railway

part of that touches where his house falls right but like historicity the previous owners here could to catch the slaves um it's north carolina right this is not some plantation owner's home you know the good people didn't live here. Let's let the guy from Georgia defend him. Yes, please, Kyle. Well, if you think about it, some of the good people had to, or there wouldn't have been. That's what the Underground Railroad was.

It was anti-slavery people in the South harboring slaves. Otherwise, they wouldn't have needed harboring. This shit's a plantation. You know, they took advantage of the cheap labor they had to cheap my ass it was free oh we gotta feed them pull them etc someone made the point that with like the the current prison system that they're actually cheaper than slaves for because you got taxpayers feeding them but then they're like you know they're doing work for the private prison whole thing. And they listed some of the things

that prisoners do for us, and I had no idea. I wish I could rattle off the list now, but it was a lot of food packaging and bullshit like that. I thought they just stamped out license plates. Yeah, that's all I thought they did. I thought they made coat hangers.

They make ammunition and all kinds of crazy shit. We use prison labor for all kinds of cool stuff. They need to get some of that prison labor over to Woody's house for that fencing. Now that's what you need. Yeah. If you had a buddy that you could grease some wheels maybe, he brings you eight guys who are late on their child support over, you have that fence up in no time. All of Wings of Redemption's felony friends will come here.

Yeah. We're the friends. have that fence up in no time all of wings of redemption's felony friends will come here that was so great i kind of want to tell like go ahead please do um so i don't know if i remember it correctly uh wings had a desk that that he he commissioned to be built he paid this guy a lot of money up front uh to build the desk. Long story short, the guy was a poor excuse for a carpenter. He got the structure built, but then he put this epoxy coating or something on top, and it got really awful. Imagine the whole top is thick, sticky goo. So there was a plan at one point to bring the desk to Woody's house,

Woody's pretty accomplished carpenter, and Woody was going to sort of straighten this thing out. And Wings was saying, could I bring my buddy, and I don't remember the guy's name, but could I bring this guy with me and he'd stay over too? And the guy was like a felon or something. Yeah. So it started this whole thing where Woody's like, you know what, I just don't want a felon living in my house.

Like, I'm sorry. Like, I don't want this strange felon coming to stay with me. Like, no. Yeah. Was it a dangerous felon or was it like i got caught being in public felon i think it was a semi it was it was a drug charge right is that what it was i thought it was a drug charge yeah i think it was a drug charge but i'm not certain and uh you know he might be a great guy i don't know but just the same i don't know him you know know, like I didn't invite that guy to my house anyway. It was a crazy situation. Well, I thought the whole thing was just hilarious.

I'll give you that. It was that. So now you've got a big pimp house on a big pimp lot, an aging dog, a two-year-old son and still married I hope yeah awesome yep not very limited time for gaming but do you ever get the edge to get back into videos ah not really I started playing destiny though which is kind of fun I read that on your Twitter. Kind of different than some of the other games that I've played. So, but no, no itch for the video stuff. I played so much COD with Mike.

It used to be Mike, me, and then a couple other players, all strong. I might have been the worst one in the party. And that was when I learned to talk trash. It was pretty much like me and my bodyguards roaming through COD lobbies. And they'd talk shit. You guys have heard this before. But Mike was the reason I could say, dude, don't leave. Stay right here.

We're going to fuck up your KD ratio. Those were the days. Modern Warfare 2. i think there have been two call of duties come out that i haven't even played which is crazy to think where you didn't miss much yeah i could almost say the same that's what i've heard but it's crazy that it went from like that being a huge part of my life to just kind of gone i feel like it did for all of us i feel like we all had you know dozens of days of play time and it was that thing we were we loved it and it was for me it was like i would go to sleep and

sometimes i would dream about it i would have call of duty dreams where like it's it's a mixture of real life and like the interaction with a cod game it's like it's this weird like dreamland i was into it so much but now i'm just like yeah, I want to play the new one, I guess. But not the way I used to. I want to play the new one. I don't want to master the new one and make it a part of my lifestyle. And I feel like that's what COD 4 was. That's what Modern Warfare

2 was. And to a lesser extent that's what Black Ops was. But not anymore so much. I am getting sucked into Civilization V. Getting sucked into? You're in the center of a black hole, Kyle. It is your night.

A void from which there is no escape. See, and because he's been talking about it so much, for the first seven or eight episodes that he would bring it up, I thought this was a big game online. Until you told me two episodes ago, I didn't know that there were a half dozen of random ass people across the country playing this game with you. So that's not true, I've discovered.

I used to think that was true, but it's not. So here's the thing. Civilization V's single player aspect is really, really fun and addictive. It's multiplayer aspect even more so and much much much much more challenging because AI versus a human there's just no contest in a turn based strategy game. People are just much better. They make better

decisions constantly. So the problem is that the multiplayer functionality of the game is very poor. So you have to be part of a steam group so that everybody knows each other and you have to be part of a Steam group so that like everybody knows each other and like you know you have like a no quit rule and everybody agrees to those rules and if anybody breaks the rules they get kicked out of the Steam group and

I'm in the process of joining one of those. I started watching this guy's videos, I think his name is Filthy but he's one of the best multiplayer players in the world I suppose. He makes really good videos. And they've got a Steam group I think I'm going to try to join. You're in the process of joining. So what steps have you yet to fulfill? I'll have to get spanked. It's like a frat.

Pretty much all the sorority sisters. Fuck someone to get in. Kyle has to circle jerk on the pizza. Last one eats. It's, you know. I think what I actually have to do is just message two or three of them to get in. Kyle has to circle jerk on the pizza. Last one eats. Yeah. I think what I actually have to do is just message two or three of them and get one of them to add me to their friends list and they invite me into a chat and then I say, hey, I'm an adult

who wants to play this game with you. I won't quit. Can I join your Steam group? And they'll just say, yeah, and that'll be the end of that. So I don't think it's an exclusive YouTuber club. Do they really make you finish finished? Because sometimes you know three hours in advance that you lost. So what they do is they have, sometimes they'll have a vote as to whether you're relevant in the game anymore.

So there are a few things that if this happens to you, then everybody knows you're out. Like if you lose your capital, yeah, you can leave. But if maybe you've just fallen woefully behind, everyone can take a vote and you can take your sixth place spot because they keep score of your standing and you know you can just leave i saw one where that that was the argument the sixth place player didn't want to like end the game and concede victory to the number one guy who had went way ahead because he thought that

he could get a fifth place finish and have that in the standings and the fifth place guy was like fuck it man i just want to get out of here like take fifth spot i'll bump down to six let's end this shit we've been going for eight hours and like no end oh eight hours he's adorable mike do you play save it all i know nothing about it oh my god. It's a fun game. I used to play single player a lot for 10 years or something. Off and on. And I got into Civ Rev, I think a fair amount. My whole family played it on the

Xbox. And then Civ V came out and it's even more complicated. But the challenge is this. You can't play this game unless you can block off like 8 to 15 hours now that's excessive oh i so it depends what you what mode you play in a 1v1 me and chiz knocked out our 1v1 the other day in an hour and a half so like those go fast that's something that that if you don't have much time 1v1 that's a lot of fun um but if you're playing like 2v2 you know a six man free-for-all then yeah six man free-for-all if you play down to like the very very end where

i'm shooting missiles at you and you're nuking me a lot of hours could have gone by it could be 9 10 hours but on quick pace it won't go any farther than that it just won't i don't maybe i exaggerated with 15 or 15 is possible but i played nine hours Or 15's possible, but the longest it'll go. I played 9 hours and 45 minutes before. That's the longest I've sat here and played. I want to say we streamed that long. And we didn't even finish. We just kind of, like, tipped the king.

Like, guys, it's clear. That's ridiculous. If you have to choose between, like, hey, you guys want to play one game of Free For All or watch all the extended Lord of the Rings? We can only do one because we've only got 10 hours to spend. Like that's too long for one game. That's my issue with it.

It's not always like that. It's really not. But sometimes it is. So you have to go into the mindset of I could be here... It's going to be a minimum of three hours, but it might be nine hours. But at the end of nine hours, you can walk away with just a sick feeling in your stomach and just regret for wasting the last nine hours but but and at the end of nine hours you can walk away with just a sick feeling in your stomach and just regret for wasting the last nine hours because the other guys are selling it it's worth it for the victories it really is when when you win one it's really fun but the

the highs are really high right because it's something you've really worked for and it's almost a measure of you and your intelligence and your worth as a gamer. You know, like here we are, straight up, me v. you, or a little team thing going on. It's about how clever I am, how manipulative I am, how tricky I can be, how smart I am, my build order. Build orders, unit control,

just macro, micro. My micro. Yeah, there's a lot of things that go into winning this game. It's very difficult to win. And when you win, you're like, ah, I have just bested him. But the problem is the losses are just as bad. And it takes hours to lose. Hours, right?

Things aren't going well for you. You think you might be a little behind. That's when you know you're four and a half hours of drudgery from when you finally get a mercy death. How long does the happiness last before you get up from your computer, drudge into the bathroom and start brushing your teeth at 5.08 in the morning and then have to go get into bed along your significant other who's been there for seven hours? Like just, we're alone. That very thing has happened to me many times.

It really... we're alone. That very thing has happened to me many times. That thing you just described has happened to me many times. You're describing his lifestyle. Go on. I honestly do not brush my teeth, though. At that point, it's like I'll brush them at noon when I wake up, but I've got 1,288 hours. I was looking that up while you guys were talking. 1,288 hours

of time in that game. And I still feel like I've got... I'm going to downgrade myself from what I said last time. I feel like I know half of everything there is to know. Because every time I watch one of Filthy's videos or tutorials, and really every game I play, I learn a new

thing. Just every time. I feel like my game's getting better every time. I've lost a few in a row now. I think the last two I've played, I've lost a few in a row uh now i think the last two i've played i've lost uh and then today i got cheated against me and and beat me which was very upsetting i heard this story he was it was a weird genuinely cheated yeah um so i didn't realize this he claimed this he was shishoni i'll go through this fast because it's boring he was shishoni uh and he it was a 1v1 he lowered his difficulty level all the way to the bottom and it gave him extra

settlers when he got a ruin so he basically started the game with three cities instead of one and i didn't realize that he changed the difficulty on his side until like it was too late i'd wasted an hour of my time and i was like what the fuck are you cheating like how are you cheating what did you do and he finally admitted it and it was just a waste of time some 13 year old child really pissed me off today I have a question so today is June 4th

2015 how has your life changed since June 4th 2014 not nearly as fat okay that's a good one new girlfriend for Kyle it's new guns new girl new guns

Jesus Kyle's life is going to win got a new one behind him right now very good looking under boob looks like those aren't going to drop as she ages not a bit Got a new one behind him right now. Standing there with some very good-looking underboob. Looks like those aren't going to drop as she ages. Not a bit. Look at that belly, though. She might be pre-fat.

I predict 40 years from now, she's growing. She also doesn't have a belly button, which is a little upsetting. She totally does. Yeah, she's got one there, a little innie, it looks like. I swear, is it something about the shadow? It almost looks like it's blurred out, but I swear it's not. But yeah, like her crotch area is just... The shadow. Yeah, but there's like a horizontal stripe on it, like from left to right.

You guys see it too? Oh, that's where her hips attach to her torso. Oh, that's a good quality. I've never met a girl that could do that. It makes her easy to store. Again, something most women suck at, getting stored. Those mannequins are like $250 a piece for the female mannequins with the big tits. They use them in adult stores for lingerie and stuff like that to display it.

But I like the idea of having a bunch of female terrorists or something to blow up or set on fire. Also, the only woman in existence who takes up half the closet. I'll be right back. My wife says something doesn't smell right next to the electrical work you did. Burning. Oh, good. You guys carry on without me. I'm going to investigate this.

Yeah, you go look after it. Kyle, new guns. I'm not fat anymore. Mike? Kids a year older. Double the name. Instead of a one-year-old? About this time last year, we had just moved into the house.

You guys are... There we go. We're lagging for a second. I didn't know you'd been in that house for so long. You've been off Twitter for taking your respite from the internet.

Yeah, it's been a, yeah, just over a year. So, it was, like I said, man, it's totally a house with a yard.

I mean, I had to buy all the yard stuff, lawnmowers, and weed eaters, and I do all that. Don't get Woody started on that. I do all that stuff Yeah, don't bring that up

don't mention your lawnmower to woody woody has five fucking lawnmowers like he's gotten into lawn care so much he bought it he bought like a tractor and like three implements to put behind it and three riding lawnmowers like the whole family cut i believe it he probably researched each one for like three and a half months yeah he could easily open up a landscaping business right now if you wanted to like he's a load the family up in that truck and and and get to work like he's got it all yeah I'm a little worried that that's why the the stream got a little fuzzy there for a minute because he's like down there shorted out on the wiring.

That could be it. Hopefully we don't have to turn this into a three person show for the next three hours with cinders and burning happening on his screen. I'm sure Jackie will be in the stream as they take him to the ER or something like that. She won't leave us hanging like that. She might just step in and fill his void. Have you ever been electrocuted, Taylor? I don't think so.

I feel like... This connection is terrible. You don't say. Really? Interesting. I think he's gone. I think so too. I was just going to say I've been electrocuted a few times. I think I've been hit by 120 volts.

Oh, fuck. Did that all... Maybe? No? What a show. Yeah. This is premium right here. I've been hit by 120 volts, which is what a blow dryer would be. And I've been hit by 220 volts, which is what a couple horsepower electric motor is. And I've also been hit by the starter of a car that was shorted out.

And I think that was the most painful out of all of them. I really hate getting electrocuted, but I had really poor luck in my life and I've been grounded out a bunch of times. Oh, and electric fences. My dad had an electric fence and I've been shocked by that thing too. Yeah, I grew up in the country and I hit a couple cattle fences growing up and those things are not fun. No, depending on how powerful they are. One of my dad's neighbors had goats and I guess the goat got stuck in the fence and it totally electrocuted the goat to death.

Oh, dude. Well, I'm a little worried that Woody has some sort of legitimate emergency. Yeah. And this is just the course with Taylor, though. Oh, here we go. Am I back? Coming back. Well, there he is.

So you were telling us about... Give me a smoke fire real quick. Smoke. Fire. That's pretty quick. There you go. We got it? Okay.

Yeah. You're good. Sorry to interrupt. Continue. No problem. I was going to ask you about your electrocution story if you had one, if you'd ever been shocked or electrocuted in

some way. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I rambled on for like 30 seconds. And then I heard you be like, oh, I think he's gone. Fascinating. And then I got booted. Alright, so mine's not even good.

I've done it to myself a few times on accident. And I recall you mentioning something like this, where you just get a little too aggressive when you're trying to pull a stubborn socket out of like a surge protector or the wall. And you accidentally like grab the tongs on the other side. I've done that multiple times, but that's it. Where it's just kind of like maybe late at night trying to unplug something and just...

And then it's like, oh, fuck. I'm awake now. Maybe I should keep playing. I've been hit a few times. I've been hit by 120, which is like what your dryer would run on or something. I've been hit by 220, which is like what a couple horsepower electrical motor runs off of. And that was horrible. That felt like fire in my hands.

But I've also been hit by the starter of a car when I was just grounded out working under the hood and when they turned it over it shocked me and it hurt much, much worse than any of the other things. That was awful. I feel like it was like the fire from the spark plug. It must have hit me like a dozen times.

Did it linger in your hands for a while? Like if you hit your funny bone and it kind of feels like it's vibrating. I had another one too off of a boat dock. There was a lamp or something that came detached and the wiring was exposed and literally

within like a 10 foot radius of it I got just buzzed up and when I got out my entire body was shaking. It was terrible. From 10 feet away? Yeah. In a lake, yeah, beside a dock. Okay, right, right.

That makes more sense. Oh, so you were in the water, and this just dropped into the water? Yeah, I don't know if it was, like, already there, but once I got into the vicinity of it, like, I could feel the pulsating through my body. That sounds cool. No, there was nothing down there that I couldn't smell anything. Jackie had like dented.

False alarm, Jackie. She was chewing on some sort of breath freshening gum, and I could smell nothing else. I'm like leaving the room, coming back, sending her elsewhere. I didn't smell it, and nothing was warm. So I think she's just loony. Have ever been shocked woody oh yeah let's see most recently yesterday yeah yeah i was installing or it was the day before but i was installing a like a variable speed fan control that this room i'm in was too warm. And the air conditioner, like Hope's room was really cold and this room's too warm and they're on the same zone. So I put an inline fan in the duct work

to make it sort of blow faster into this room. I can crank it up so fast. It's awesome. It's eight inches, so it's a big fan right and i bought a good one because it came with a variable speed fan controller and uh and it blows so fucking fast if i turn the ceiling fan on it still spins around and shit but it has a speed control on it so i dial it to right where i want it and uh it seems to really do the trick. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. I wish I'd done that in my last house. Like, in my last house, it was the master bedroom. Got, like, in the summer, all the AC, and in the winter, it got all the heat. And when I put this in, my wife was like, do you think it steals from the other rooms?

And I'm like, I hope so, because it's not that the air conditioner can't cool everything. It's that it's not being distributed perfectly. So, yeah, take a little from here, give a little to there. And then when we set the zone, everyone will get the proper temperature. My sister had a similar problem. When we were growing up, her bedroom was always like – Screw her. It never cooled properly at all.

And then I think Dad put in a similar thing to what you got. And it was remarkable, the change. And it was was just like we should have done this years and years ago because just really wouldn't cool that room and it's quiet when you when i saw what you'd bought i knew that was going to be really effective my um i in my installation i put it like i'm looking like 15 18 feet away from where the air comes out so there's no noise from the fan or anything there's a little more noise from how fast the air blows. But yeah, the fan itself is perfectly

quiet. It just sends more air rushing out. That probably wasn't too bad of a shock though, right? What was the worst shock you've ever had? That shock I was talking about, I was installing a receptacle, right? It just happened to be that there was a box with live power dead-ended.

And I'm like, oh, sweet, I'll do this. But I didn't take the time to, like, find the circuit breaker and turn it off and everything. Yeah, right? Like, who does that? I'm a man. So, and yeah, I was just like, and I was on top of a ladder. So, like, I don't know. It was kind of a sketchy situation.

Nearly fell down off the ladder, but, you know, you live and learn, someday I'll stop doing that, no, the worst shock I ever had, shocks, I don't know, I had a, like, spark plug go, like, through one hand and out the other one time, and it, like, like, jump starts your heart, it's, like unpleasant like you're like like like a thing just happened that like fuck you know i just had like a pacemaker a little bit in a bad way you mean not like you felt more powerful no no no yeah i definitely didn't like all right do this for 30 seconds fight me i'm gonna go for a run right now 10 miles time me no no it was just like my whole world sort of like skipped a beat like stopped and restarted real quick or so it was like like you know it kind of

was weird I wish I had a better explanation so yeah I'll have a couple good ones Mike had an interesting one I I just need to get a little older little less little less wise, and I'll get a good shock story someday. Good combo. Start doing home maintenance without using Google. Just be like, ah, this looks right. I'll just wing it. It's a wooden handle. It's fine.

Yeah. Oh, man. Google's great. I was watching YouTube videos on how to use a multimeter because I consistently seem to forget that and check the power. It's good. It's good. Mike, are you doing a lot of home maintenance?

I am as much as I can on my own. There's been a few things. I had irrigation in the yard was pretty messed up when we moved in, so I had to get a professional guy to come in and sort all that out. But most of the house stuff I've been able to do on my own. Yeah. Irrigation in the yard takes specialized equipment also it's a ditch digging stuff and yeah and finding the lines and i've got all these zones and a couple of the zones weren't working the way they should and

everything's obviously underground so you got to have you know tools that can track to where stuff is or whatever so i was like i'll let the professionals handle that and save my time. Exactly. But you do an HVAC? You do an electrical? What are you doing? No, I haven't do... I mean, a little bit of electrical here and there and just basic stuff, ceiling fans throughout the house.

Some woodwork with the deck and stuff like that. HVAC is the worst. Yeah, I haven't had to do any of that yet. There's no info about it. Like, you can't google it you can work on a car which is way more complicated than HVAC and there's no trouble like everything is fine

like it's not really a big deal there's so much information and cars are just kind of meant to be user maintainable but HVAC they guard those secrets like it's some freaking secret what is HVAC for me and everyone listening hvac heating ventilation and air conditioning air conditioning it's your heat in your ac

it's in your car in your house and etc your thermostat and duct work and the ac unit outside of your building yeah and no one wants you to know how to maintain that stuff even though it's dead simple. Job security for the maintenance people. That's what they do, and I can't believe that they got like 15,000 HVAC people professionals to collectively keep a secret.

They're like, keep this shit on the down low, man. People start doing the equivalent of changing their own oil. We're all out of business. I mean, when you think about that, 9-11 conspiracies don't seem too ridiculous. No, they don't. They don't. Mike, who you got for president

next time around? Oh, for president? I have no idea. I haven't even started politics or not my forte, so I'm kind of not that dedicated to the calls, I guess. What level are you in Destiny? I think a 34.

So you've not finished going through the DLC yet. So 31 was the cap, right? Now it's 38. Does this sound right? I think it is 34. I don't even own this game. Really? You think it's 38 this is sound right i don't know what the i think i think i don't even own this game really you think it's 34 yeah i think so i'm going to check i need to look up the front runners for the presidential election because i don't even know i know yeah i hear that right

yeah i hear somebody new every day throwing themselves into the race. I think you might be right that it is 34. I hope as many people as possible throw themselves into the mix, just like last time when you got the, you know, hijinks and hilarity of Santorum and all those idiots saying ridiculous things on the stage. It was great. It's not even vaguely reminiscent of what a debate should be, but it's like an improv comedy show. It's so good.

I like those. Dude, the guy that sold pizza wanted to lower the tax rate to $9.99, which sounds like a pizza price. $9.99 with a free side of garlic bread.

And if the Patriots get three touchdowns in the second quarter, it lowers to $6.99 with a free side of garlic bread. I know. And if the Patriots get three touchdowns in the second quarter, lowers to 6.66. Herman Cain, he's like, we'll make your tax rate 9.99%. And it's like, you've got to be kidding me. And then there was Giuliani who worked in 9-11 to every sentence. Like everything you asked him, he'd just say 9-11 as his default response. They asked him about taxes, and he's like, I think we ought to get it down to like 9, maybe 11%. You got it?

You're real? No higher than 9.11. Yeah. Never forget my stances. This time around, you've got Ted's uh who's good for some entertainment lately rand paul who i don't know i i whatever he's got some wacky positions that i told he's against net neutrality he's um yeah is he god damn it why can't one of them like all the things I like? Right? There is no asshole, like, bastard party. What about Donald Trump, Kyle?

There you go. Oh, not at all. Trump's way too socially conservative. Plus, he's led the birther thing, and I can't get past that. Right? He was all Obama's from Kenya. Come on, dude. You're silly.

So who else is it? Ted Cruz. I don't know anything about him. Is he a Democrat? He's a crazy Republican. Like all the crazy things that Republicans want to do. Like total climate change denier, wicked Bible beater. And then he just, I don't know. We could Google him. But Ted Cruz sounds like a good god-fearing man um i'm trying to think ted oh yeah like here's a fun one he made fun of biden after his kid died so that's just a little tactful well probably not very much well it to be fair how how old was Biden's son? Because Biden's like 90 or something. His son had to be like 50 or 60, right? Oh, 46.

His son was 46. Okay. That doesn't make it better or anything. I was just wondering. It's rough, man. His son was 46, but he lost another son and a wife earlier in his life. Yeah, look at this picture. This picture looks like he's enjoying the smell of his own fart.

It's not a bad description. Doesn't it look exactly like that? Like he's like, I know you all don't like it, but I'm enjoying, I'm seeping in this. I wish I had more details on why this guy is creepy. Someone this attractive will never be voted in. I don't know, there have been some ugly

presidents. No, there's never There have been some ugly presidents. No, there's never been. Not, not, no. Not in the HD era, there haven't. That's true. Absolutely not. Go back to, like, when's the last ugly president? Dick, um, um, fucking Nixon?

Yeah, Nixon. Nixon's pretty fucking ugly. Nixon was wearing a lot of makeup. Even Nixon wasn't that ugly. I mean. He was. He had, like, he was pockmarked and overweight. He didn't look that bad on a black and white TV, but he was not an attractive man,

especially not when he was up against JFK. That was funny. JFK wore makeup for the debate, and fucking Nixon didn't. So you've got that comparison going back and forth. Nixon's sweating. He looks like a gremlin. Yeah, and then you've got JFK wearing makeup on the other side.

It's just not even fair. Nixon, I think a lot of people think Nixon won that debate, but the public was totally shifted to JFK. I wish I could fit him on my thing, but Nixon, when I look at him, ugly doesn't jump out at me. And this is his presidential portrait. These things are supposed to be accurate, not flattering.

You sent me Caitlyn. I did, didn't I? Yeah. Now, Caitlyn would be a hot president. There you go. By those standards. She is better looking than Ted Cruz. This is his presidential photo.

Yeah. Not ugly. Ugly is just not the right word for see this is a very good angle for the man for that guy he's got from the side he's I think Nixon's a pretty rough looking guy really you don't see how much that nose protrudes yeah this thing yeah this really does that the length of the nose. That's a double-blank ski slope he's got on his face. But go back before Nixon. Who before him would be the ugliest? I was thinking Lincoln was pretty ugly, but that was so long ago, people probably didn't even know what he truly looked like. When you go back to... I think you have to do it in the age of television debates and television in general. Because if they're on the radio, I mean, it doesn't matter.

And that's what most of it was. It was radio and then, like, in the old days, you know, you'd do, like, a whistle-stop tour where, like, you'd ride a train town to town and it'd stop. You'd tell a speech off the back of the fucking train and then they'd go to the next town. Like, that's how you saw your politician if you ever did. Yeah. I found a list of ugliest presidents. Taft.

A lot of these are going to be from far away. Or long ago. In the before. Almost lost it. John Quincy Adams. I bet he was in the looker. That little troll looking fuck. Yep, Nixon rounds it out, of course.

But, yeah, you're probably right, Kyle. People won't vote for someone who they think is just ugly as shit. Well, it's a popularity contest, right? I think a lot of people are going to... Yeah, it is a popularity contest. And that guy right there has never won a popularity contest. He might have he might have been voted into some other offices but he's never uh he's never been voted into any uh

what the hell was that where'd that come from random hair in my coffee and good yeah that's kind of gross all right so who else you got ted cruz that weirdo this is him well jeb jeb Bush hasn't announced yet. That's the same photo, I believe. Fuck. Yeah, it's the same one. He's better looking than Ted Cruz, though. There we go.

I'll give you that yeah you're right it's super hard they need to be tall they need to be attractive it's a popularity contest that's part of it look how much hair he's got in this I see it look at the shadow line from his nose though I'm gonna go back now

yeah it's a big shadow it exists people crouch under him if they were getting sunburned or if it's raining of the cigarette of rain spike problem that's terrible yeah so Mirka I did your internet connection has been making you a robot here and there I'm curious what's the status on the next stage of your career

I'm trying to not give away anything you were talking about moving a tweet you put out a month ago seemed like it was a done deal is it less done now than it was before? We might have lost Mirka. Yeah, I think you might have.

He moved. He moved a little. Mirka, can you hear me? I can hear you now. Aha. So a month ago, you put out a tweet. You're a little robot-y. I do that sometimes.

Are you there? Yeah. All right. Now you're back. So a month ago you put out a tweet saying that you were, I think that you were going to move and start, I don't know if it was a new job or a different position in the same company or what. But what's new with that? Is there anything new?

There is new stuff. I don't want to divulge anything, but I am not 100% set in stone where I'm moving. I am moving soon. Imminently soon. Very soon. But yeah, I don't want to say anything about the company or the line of work

that I'm doing, but it will be something different than what I have done. Not 100%, but definitely more different. line of work right right but it will be something different than what i have done a little not 100 but definitely more different what did you go to weren't you in school the last time that we were talking what are you what are you doing these days it's been a while oh nice yeah a little bit just mostly like bachelorette parties but it's how you make the money. Magic Taylor. Can't you see he cut weight? Why do you think he did that? Yeah, exactly.

Get rid of that dad bod. That ridiculous trend that's on Twitter. Going into something pretty new. A lot of the same skills, I guess, will go into it. I'm excited about it, but I am moving. I just don't want to divulge anything specific. Could it be safe to say that you perhaps will be able to uh have better internet at this

new residence yes it couldn't get worse so it could what's the actual speed right now like do you know because i'm wondering if it's a if it's a bandwidth issue or if it's just a poor line. Let me see. Because it seems like... Is this common? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Sometimes we get you in HD, but sometimes it just really falls apart, and I'm wondering if it's...

Yeah, it seems to be kind of a crapshoot. I'll go on speed test and see what I'm getting. I'd love it. Let me do the same. That'll be fun. I can do this at home, guys. Yeah. Speed test. Alright, everybody, let's do speed

test. Speed test. This is better than I've seen it in a long time. Alright. I'm running a speed test now, too. What's a good ping? 20s, 30s. What the?

And higher is worse, right? And what's worse? Mine is 16. Oh. Higher is worse, yes. My ping is 51. Mine is 16. My download speed is 7.75.

And my upload speed is 12.32. So better than I've seen it before. I don't know why mine is so high. You've got 12.32 upload? 12.32 up, 7.75 down. Hang on a minute. What's your upload, Taylor? 12.32.

Interesting. Well, see, then it's just got to be a bad line. Because my download is 12.54, and my upload is 2.32. Interesting. Well, see, then it's just got to be a bad length. Because my download is 12.54, and my upload is 2.83. So my internet is technically worse than yours. It should be worse than yours for what we're doing right now. I'm not sure. Oh, Woody's sharing his results, bragging. Yeah.

He couldn't even say the numbers. They're so fucking big. You know that sideways eight infinite sign yeah i uh i'm sharing it now it's weird because well my ping is normally not this low i think of it as 20s or like low 30s um my upload has always been like 55 but during the test it even hit like 70 it just didn't hold it long enough to report it. That was the download. And then the upload 9, 2, 3, that's about where it was pinned.

So I know that my area has been moving from 50 down, 5 up to 100 down, 10 up. And this implies to me like it's starting or something. I don't know because it doesn't usually do this well, but I'm happy it does. That's very nice. Yeah. Google Fiber is supposed to come to me. Is Google Fiber coming to Charlotte, Mike? No.

I haven't heard about it. Yeah. Yeah. I doubt it. There was talks about it coming to Hickory, which is just outside of Charlotte, but I haven't heard anything else about it. I wonder how they decide that. Because you hear about it going to just random ass towns.

Hey. Hey. Words hurt. No. You're from Boise. Suck a dick. decide that because you hear about it going to just random ass towns hey hey words hurt no you're from boise suck a dick well i don't mind that but yeah it's just weird how they pick it because i know that kansas city was the first one that was really intertwined in there right like that was huge why would they pick that like why these other places what's's their plan? Yeah, I can see why they try. Like I've been told it's the Goldilocks thing, right? Like they don't want it to be so small. They don't pick, you know, a town that you can't name, Phoenixville, Pennsylvania or something. But they also don't want to pick New York City where it's so dense and so complicated

and so difficult that it's a lot to tackle. So they grab all these intermediates. They grab the Austins. They grab the Kansas Cities. They grab the whatever, Raleigh-Durhams, and just the Goldilocks thing, not too big, not too small. Yeah, and the jurisdictions they go into, they obviously want them there. So there's tons of tax incentives and stuff that they'll give Google or whoever is trying to establish something like that in the areas.

Yeah. I didn't even think about that. They kind of like bid for it, you know? Oh, you didn't know this, Taylor? So that's like a big thing. Like Google says, you know what, Raleigh? I'm thinking about you. How easy would it be?

And they're like, oh, my God. Here are all the right of ways we'll give you. You can put it on any telephone pole. You can dig holes anywhere you want. You want a Google shack? Right here, I'll build you your own Google shack. Home Depot's like dropping sheds next to traffic lights. There's a Google shack.

Drop your fiber big point of pop, whatever the fuck it is, you'll stick it right there. And then all these towns compete. And I know in Raleigh, the voters spoke about this. Like Google said, we're thinking about Raleigh. And everyone started like writing their congressman, writing their mayor. Like you better not fucking lose this thing.

It's your job on the line. We want to win. And then the towns they weren't looking at, like I was in Apex, which borders the towns that were going to get it. They're like, why aren't they looking at Apex? You've got to do something. Do something. We want Google Fiber, too. Because this area, like Research Triangle Park, I think cares about their internet connection more than average, like a lot.

And we just, like everyone went for it. I'm searching for news and all this stuff. I was really happy when my area got selected for Google Fiber. But it kind of feels like we're area got selected for Google Fiber. But it kind of feels like we're not the Kansas City Google Fiber, you know, the one that actually gets it. We're more like that Austin Google Fiber, the one where we get- Google Fiber Lite. Google Fiber imaginary. No one has it around here. They announced it in December of last year,

so it's six months plus into it. Zero customers so far. They're in the design stage. And Austin feels that way too. Now, I've heard they got their first customer or something, but just the same. It's not like in Kansas. It just rolls out and grows and grows,

and everyone's bragging on Reddit, like, look at the Google Fiber truck. They're installing it in my grass right now. But then everywhere else, it's the imaginary version. How much faster is it really? So there's two parts to that. Like your side of the connection, it might as well be infinitely fast.

It's no longer the weak link it's a gigabit down and a gigabit up so that number like instead of nine would be a thousand and uh what was your number again did you share your thing yeah it was 7.75 down 12 point something up you have 12 up and then my ping is 51 i'm calling shenanigans on your upload speed yeah it's weird right it's high reversed yeah test it again you should have shared my results larger number yeah you gotta hit share and then and then with that you'll have a result that doesn't include your ip address and stuff and you can give it to people but um uh yeah typically your upload is slower than your download and you know i'm guessing your upload is like one i think you got 1.2 mixed up with 12

that's possible those are similar numbers oh ping is better now 39 look at that lucking out yes you went from awful to bad yeah Yeah. So anyway, yeah, it's so much faster that at that point, it's like the rest of the world that slows you down. Unless you're torrenting stuff, then it's like whatever website you're going to, whatever game you're playing, the guy on the other side is the holdup. Should we? Oh, I guess I should ask Mike mike tell me you watch game of thrones i do thank god this week's episode was a good one too the best one in a while i think

thank you yes i think it's the best one of the entire year and i believe what he's with me on that yeah yeah but this has been a bad year. I'll give you that as well. The whole year hasn't been bad. I think that this week's episode belongs in the top tier of episodes. We finally got to see White Walkers and Dead Men and the Night's Watch and the Wildlings all duke it out at their best. Or at least at the best we've seen them. Like, hand to hand. It was great.

Now, Chiz complains that there was a lot of fast cuts during that Zombie invasion, but I didn't mind that because I thought that they were trying to express Just how frenzied it was there were hundreds and hundreds of those things just crawling everywhere. I loved it I'm reading the books and by reading I mean listening to the audiobooks and I'm just ahead of the show Dude if what happened in the book Is about to happen on the show And I predict it will What happened The Jon Snow scene

Is boring Really I thought that was so great When Jon Snow was having the one on one sword fight With the White Walker For a moment I thought he might die it because it was it was starting to look like he was going to die it really was he was disarmed he's coughing up blood and knowing that the show the way I do I think alright I say

there's a 50-50 chance that they just killed John's right right fucking here like you know I think John's not safe nobody's safe he gets that look in his eyes and the white walker just says there is no hope and just fucking leaves his body and continues on his way to kill more of the night's watch or something like that totally could have happened and as a viewer you're like well oh shit i thought it was a big part of the show. But no, he had a really well-choreographed sword fight. I felt like they really showed off just how powerful and strong the White Walkers were, and Jon Snow had his Valyrian steel sword. The only thing that saved him.

Yeah, totally. Who gave him that sword again? Oh, he got it from the Maester or something? He got it from the old bear. The old Lord. That was Jorah's sword. If you remember all the way back. Was it? Yeah, Jorah, when he was dishonored for

selling those men into slavery, left the family's sword behind for Lord Mormont. Huh. Yeah, so now John has that sword. It's a slutty sword. It stops the thing, turns around, shatters the White Walker. That was great. That was really cool. And then, like, the really cool payoff scene is, like, the king of the White Walkers, I suppose,

comes and, like, does some magic. And, like, at that moment, I still thought again, I was like, he's gonna, a wave is gonna start pushing John Snow back to this motherfucker. He's gonna, like, rip his heart out like a mortal combat annihilation, and it's going to be over. But he raises his arms and resurrects every single person they just killed. And basically,

his army didn't lose a single person. They, in fact, gained every person they killed. A lot of useful people. That's not fair at all. Yeah, we learned more about not i've never read the books but we learned more about the white walkers in that one episode than like all of the previous

seasons absolutely i am i admire that book readers rarely spoil the show for everyone so i'm going to try and and join their club and not but holy fuck what i know it's a very elite group of us series four billion other people we have a very well-kept secret we do i swear we do like four billion people have not spoiled this like tv series for the rest of the... You know, Harry Potter readers are not of the same class as Game of Thrones readers. Yeah, because you're like 12. Because you knew Dumbledore died or Snape killed Dumblemore or something. Like, that book was six hours old and you knew Snape killed Dumbledore, right? People are driving by lines...

I haven't read it in the first six hours, first of all. A real friend what? A real fan would have by lines. Read in the first six hours, first of all. A real fan what? A real fan would have had the book read in the first six hours. That's a tall order. I really did like the Harry Potter books. They're only ten, dude. How fast can we read? They're only ten years old. How fast do you expect them to read? I read it pretty fast.

I read it in a day, I think. I think the last three releases, or maybe the last two book releases, I was into it. And yeah, I read them all and watched all the movies. I really like Harry Potter. People were in line for the midnight release of the book, right? Waiting in line to get the book. And other people are driving by in their cars yelling,

Snape killed Dumbledore. driving by in their cars yelling, Snape killed Dumbledore. They got it painted on the back of their car in the parking lot like they're just married. Yeah, so Harry Potter people, not as good. It's terrible. I hope that the thing that I'm talking about happens in the shows this season.

And it's epic. My brother's been reading the books too. He said they're pretty different though than the way the show's done a lot of things they've diverged a lot in this most recent season especially like they're just completely omitting whole parts of the book that happened for the sake of time i think but i think we have plenty of time considering george rr martin is taking his sweet time getting those books omitting is one thing but like they change the stories like like well, here's a thing that doesn't ruin it for anyone. You know

Sansa going to Winterfell, that whole thing? That's not in the books. That's a pretty big divergence. My brother had told me about that. He said in the books, like, it's a totally different scenario where somebody is... It's Sansa's friend, and they try to convince everyone. That it's Arya

or somebody? Exactly, yeah. She's about the same build as Arya. She looks different. And they just say convince everyone. That it's Arya or somebody? Exactly, yeah. She's about the same build as Arya. She looks different. And they just say, hey, this is Arya. So they marry her to Ramsay, and then he thinks he has a claim to Winterfell, but he really doesn't. And that's what happens in the books.

And, of course, in the shows, it's Sansa. That whole shoehorned rape scene with Sansa and Ramsay, that didn't happen. Dude, do you want to know what happens in the book? Didn't need to do that. In the book, on the wedding night, he goes there and then he complains that she's too dry, that she's not wet enough. So he has Theon perform oral sex on her to lube her up. And then he's like, all right, Theon, now you just stand over there.

And then he hits it. That's how now you just stand over there and then he hits it that's how they do it in the books oh wow that would have been even more traumatic for shansa if they really wanted to mess with their head way worse because she still thought that he killed the brothers at that time yes what a great story i love it yeah right yeah and i think we're one for the whole family one little tidbit that i picked up on, and please don't spoil it if either of you know what's coming with this. I loved when Cersei is in her black cell, and she's visited by her maester friend,

and the last thing he says to her is, the work continues. Yeah, he's busy putting Frankenstein together, or whatever. Yeah, he's building a super mountain that rides, and at some point he's going to come to life like some kind of a fucking golem and go to work on people. I'm really looking forward to that.

Yeah, she's definitely going to get a chance to kill that female guard or whoever she is. Oh, I'm looking forward to that. I really hope that she gets some revenge, but I really hate her character in general. I think this may be the end of her. I think that Loras and Margaery might make it out of this, but I don't think the Queen is.

Okay. We'll see. Yeah. We'll see what happens. Yeah, there's a lot of pieces moving around. What I really want is for Bran to show up riding some sort of winged pegasus with shooting fireballs

out of his wrists and kill Ramsay. Is that what you want to ask? God damn boring. I do not like Bran. I like Bran in the books. I don't like him in the show. Well, he's absent this season. They say that. I hope it's all a misdirection.

I hope, like you say, Bran shows up riding a fucking dragon, shooting fireballs out of his hands, dragon blowing smoke and fire and stuff. He's holding one of those little children of the forest and it's shooting bullets at him. Two children of the forest.

Pow, pow. He's hitting them even harder than last season. Shows up. I will avenge my family. I will avenge my family. I will avenge my family. I will avenge my family. Yeah, and he's hit them even harder than last season shows up Do wonder why they excluded them from this season it doesn't make much sense to me I Still he's in the books I still think it's possible that he does this thing we're talking about. But we'll see. I'm really excited. I like what's going on.

I hope we get some more stuff out of Brienne. We'll see if Stannis is going to sacrifice his daughter to win this war. We'll see what Ramsay's going to do with his 20 good men as he rides to the north. We'll see if Arya's going to kill the thin man at the docks, if she's actually going to poison that guy. And we'll see just how much longer Sansa can be boring as fuck. And the worst part of Game of Thrones. Could anyone tell me

one good Sansa moment? What was the good Sansa scene? Wow, that's a great question, isn't it? There aren't any. Sansa kind of... Fuck, all she does Is quiver and whimper Right

She's pretty so people like her But she's just a pretty quiver Whimpering mess of a weakling She was way more relevant when her and Joffrey or whatever were You know doing their courting deal I mean I know that like I don't know how pretty she is

i feel like the actress is i i know that sansa in the stories is a very pretty girl but i don't know the actress is all that pretty i think she's pretty she hasn't been pretty on the show for a long time maybe that's it is she pre-fat is that what you're saying she doesn't have defined arms i don't know what's going on um i just think that my girlfriend is hotter than her oh well yeah but you can't use that as a benchmark it's not fair why not she's fucking hotter than all of hollywood that seems like an exaggeration no well thank you. Yeah. Let her know how hot you think she is. Don't.

Yeah, she's ridiculous. She's hotter than that mannequin behind you. I don't know. That mannequin's looking pretty good. Kyle, it's true, though. Well, thank you. Yeah, no, his girlfriend is stupidly hot. Pics or it didn't happen.

I'm all sidetracked on this shit. Exactly. But he's all thinking about my girlfriend. No, no, I forget. Oh, oh, oh, Sansa. I'm excited about Tyrion getting together. With the Khaleesi? Tyrion getting together with Daenerys.

That's going to be a fun combo. I like how he's not putting up with her like I'm a princess now and because I've been a good leader for seven months that like I know shit like he's just kind of like yeah well kind of fucking sucks but you don't know what you're doing and I'm useful she's got to kind of tell him like you know I'm not gonna kill you I realize you're valuable I liked that scene where they were drinking wine together I try to put the book and the show together, and that part of it is still messing me up.

I want to say, like, I'm almost done the fifth book, and I don't think Tyrion's got there yet. Like, it's messing with my head. I think they did expedite that quite a bit to make it happen. Like, in the book, I feel like he's still traveling to her and I only have like 11 hours left well good I'm glad they sped that along then because otherwise that won't take yeah they spend way too much time traveling in the book way too much I remember we used to argue about this way back in

like book two or something like yeah he's climbing the mountain well that'll be like six hours of listening. Now, I disagree with you there. Now, what I mean in the show, I want them to get to places quickly because I want, like, relevant things to happen. Like, sometimes at this point, my thirst for character development out of Tyrion has just about run its course. I know everything there is to know about him inside and out. Now he does things. And I want him to do more things and develop develop his character less his at this point in the show tyrian's wit and clever shit

is like going over the top for me that's his superpower just just believe it the knife is one second from being split and he manages to tell him that no you need a whole dwarf body to sell my dwarf cock or something like that and and you're just like dude like he's gotten he saved himself in the nick of time a half a dozen times already and i'm done with it i would just like it if one of these times they shock us they slice his throat and he's i think it could it could happen any moment with the show i really believe not Tyrion. Maybe. Maybe. Why not?

Why not? Just because he's popular on TV, you think that has anything to do with what this guy has written in the books already? Like, I don't think it does. What's written in the books already has very little to do with what happens on TV. Yeah, but I don't think they'll divert that much. Like, if Tyrion dies in the books, he has to die in the show. I think you're right. Yeah.

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It's squarespace.com slash pka. That's the offer code you want to use. If I wanted to start a cult and get people to accept my revenge-based vegetarianism and perhaps milk gargling women, would that be a good place to put my site? Absolutely. It's the only place to put my site, Woody. If you wanted to make, I feel like you're copying them, though. I think you should just sell titty milk, and I think it would be easy to get started. If you want to sell hallucinogenic titty milk and that's your website, then, I mean, I feel like you'd go down to the shelter and find, like, some crack mothers. Mm-hmm.

Get them on board. They're totally going to be up for a milking. It's probably not the first time they've been asked. You can call it LSDDs. Yes! Somebody made... Is that domain taken? LSDDs.

I'm done with this. Yeah, that... Hilarious. I don't even know if you can make it hallucinogenic, but there would have to be a lot of red tape if you're trying to sell bottled tit milk and who knows about the actual volume quantity you can get out of a given regulates titty milk around here that's what i want to know like there's some guy in a back room just like yeah sipping it yeah that's a lot of garlic in this diet. Have you seen Mad Max yet? Dude, LSDD and LSDDs is both free.

Not LSDD. That's too short. That would be too awesome. But LS, if you spell the word DD, it's free. It's there. Someone get on it. I want a percentage. Royalties.

Or just free sample. I want to be part of the milking process. That's all. I don't know if you would. Once you were there. Right? Maybe I'll be part of recruitment. It'll look like one of those PETA videos

where the crack whores can't even turn around inside their stall. Give them the cattle prod. Yeah, the hay's not been changed for four weeks. Not that hay. Aw, you do have that barn behind your house. Well, you're not giving them fresh hay. What's wrong with you?

Yeah, that's inhumane, Kyle. Yeah. You wouldn't want to have a person doing it anyway. You'd want high-tech machines to ensure cleanliness. You're not going to pull an F-150 into front of a Home Depot and grab a bunch of people to come milk these women. You need sterility. It needs to be clean. Sterility. I suppose

though, I wonder if you could use like the at-home breast pumps or if you need to get something much, much more industrial. Like the cow ones, right? Like, what if you just put the at-home breast pump fittings... And when you attach it, it's like... Yes! And when you milk it, it's like Yes.

When you milk a boobie, do you milk both at a time? I have in my head. We do at our company. Double production. No half-titting it around here. Do you know this for a fact? I feel like the breast pump machines do one boob at a time. Do they double up on it?

There are some double up ones. Yes, totally. to be the only time i well i don't really see it ever do you ever see it in public like just out and about i have like but i just kind of look away and keep moving because i don't want to be the weird pervert watching the lady pump her titty yeah i think i've only seen it a couple times but it's usually one one at a time i want to say it's usually one at a time although a quick google search tells me tells me that there definitely are some some double ups like this unit right here oh yeah they double middle car yeah there's some double women back in their pens they have not met the daily quota. The Tittenvacuum from Braum.

Wow. Oh, this is like a... I searched on breast pump and one of these images is a guy designing like a newlywed mom utility belt. Oh, that's weak. I was hoping it would make something pornographic i was i was

like yeah lay it out there what's he doing yeah so that's a thing so uh anyway squarespace.com check them out start your new company or blog. Nothing better. So have we talked about our Boston trip on this show? I know we spoke about it a bit on PKN. No. But only the Patreons, the most wonderful people in the world, get to see that. Handsome, sexy, and rich people. Absolutely.

PKN? What is PKN? We do a midweek show that's an hour long. That's sort of a catch-up show. And it's only available with video to our patrons who are part of it. Patreon is this thing where they subscribe for a service and they get benefits depending on how much they pledge. Sweet. It stands for Painkiller Nearly. It's like a midweek show.

It's only an hour. And Kyle and I, you know, chat and talk. I tell a bad joke every show, every show that I remember. That is the highlight of each show. That is going to get my subscription. That's my favorite part. Some of them. We try to do like, I know I've done a few ridiculous things on there.

I got the potato gun. It debuted on there. Yep, yep. I'm going to have to come up with some more gadgets and stuff to show off. And then I know that Woody's Lab videos are starting pretty soon. Oh, my God. The Woody's Lab stuff. I'm sure there will be some Woody's Lab stuff on PPN.

How involved are you guys still in YouTube? Like I said, I've been out of the thing for a while. Do you guys still post videos like I said I've been out of the thing for a while Do you guys still post videos and stuff and yeah? I probably average like seven or eight videos a month, so there'll be like four pKa's and then other stuff usually vlogs Lately, but potentially anything that's way down from I mean you used to do three videos a day or something crazy Three a day would be a lot although it happened i used to do two a day two a day yeah two a day was mine was like my thing i did two videos every day and then it went to one a day and um then i started my minecraft server and that got a lot

of my attention and um that couple go on i was just gonna say i remember your whole rationale when you went from one a day to two a days because the extra video was making up for Cisco. Yeah. And I loved how beautiful that was. You were like, you did the math. This is what I make with one video a day, and this is what I make at Cisco. If I made two videos a day, I could just get rid of that Cisco shit. And with the time I'm spending at work at Cisco, I could totally make a second video, right?

Yeah. And it worked. And the math was right. It was. It was. Yeah, yeah. And the beautiful part was towards the end, I didn't need Cisco anymore. Like, I felt like my other job could sustain me. And Cisco was doing layoffs and everything.

And, like, everyone's, like's like scared walking the hallways there's this whole culture of like being timid and nervous and and like super politically correct and concerned except me i'm like bring it bitches you got layoffs i'll say that severance money my way i dare you you should have been like you should have tried to get fired that would have been that would have been fun i i mean i i talked to my manager about it not like tried to get fired. That would have been fun. I mean, I talked to my manager about it. Not like tried to get fired type thing, because fired doesn't come with a severance package. But I was like, maybe I'd be on the chalking block, you think? And he's like, you?

No, you'd be like the last one. And there was this thing. Oh, it was your tenure plus your age had to add up to something but you had to be like this old and I was like right there like it you had to be 50 I was a long way I was like 10 years off that or maybe more but um but my tenure was like 13 years and it added up to enough I'm like well maybe if you're looking for volunteers and they're like nope not you and there was just they were just not gonna pay me to leave it didn't go down that way.

But yeah, and it was really neat. Like it wasn't that I worked less. Like what's the old line about an entrepreneur? An entrepreneur is someone willing to work 80 hours so they don't have to work 40. But it was that I got to work on whatever I wanted and that was the cool part. So yeah, I'm still happy with that decision. got to work on whatever I wanted. That was the cool part. Yeah.

I'm still happy with that decision. No more Mail Mondays now though. I'm sure you still get messages about that. People send me messages on Reddit all the time. That's their new way to reach me now. They send me Reddit personal messages and some of them are crazy. Would you like to hear one?

I remember working with you on designing the thumbnail for those yeah you made the thumbnail on that that thumbnail is better than most people know like there's little details in there like the price of the postage stamp might have been my age or something it's like one three three seven that's what it is right right yeah yeah and um like dude there is a that that thing is actually pretty cool but let me see if I can find like a cool here's an 18 year old high schooler but I'm looking for one in particular an aspiring author here are you ready for this let me read you the kind of messages this is a

better than average one but this this is a Reddit message. I'm just scanning it for... Alright, skip his name. I want to keep him anonymous. That's always been important. I'd like to start out by saying that I've been a fan of yours for years, and you're one of my few idols. That being said, I'm seeking a bit of advice. When I was 17 years old, I was

involved in an altercation that resulted in two men losing their lives, and in handcuffs the altercation was ruled self-defense but I was charged with the unregistered firearm that was used in a class d felony in my place of residence and I was given the maximum sentence five years incarceration in a state penitentiary but I was paroled after serving a little more than half my sentence three years so I lived with my sister for a few years and I tried to get my life together before I was arrestedoled after serving a little more than half my sentence, three years. So I lived with my sister for a few years and I tried to get my life together before I was arrested again. I threatened a man with a firearm after he assaulted my sister and I was charged with

the criminal use of a firearm, felon in possession of a firearm. I was facing 12 years for both, but pled to a lesser charge and got away with serving five without the possibility of parole. I decided to change my life around while I was incarcerated. I got my GED and then my master's in psychology, hoping that it would lead to a better future. Unfortunately, that's not the case. I was released in my late 20s, and I don't have a job.

I'm heavily tattooed, and he shows his, I don't want to show his picture, but he has like a few facial tattoos, like teardrops and stuff, and his neck is heavily tattooed, but he has like um a few facial tattoos like teardrops and stuff and uh his neck is heavily tattooed but you can like see it two key areas hr loves that it's part of the reason i'm aware but i just want to get out of the lifestyle i lived if i continue on the route i'm on i'll die in prison or be killed i want to be something more than a doc number i imagine department of corrections and i don't know how to and i just don. I want to be something more than a DOC number. I imagine Department of Corrections. And I don't know how to, and I just don't know how to be more than DOC number. Where

I come from, you solve problems with violence and violence with more violence. It's taken me years, but I've successfully changed that thought process. The obstacle now is finding a job so I don't have to resort to illegal activities or pay the bills any advice on how I can become a contributing member of society Again, and any response would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance I wish you and your family's best and then he signs it with his name whoa Yeah, that's a really cool story That's a lot to take in but like I haven't replied to him yet

And I'm like it's hard to because it's not an easy one to fix Right. So many of these were simple like woody. I'm stuck in the friend zone I don't know what I should do ask and then move right like You know, they make a move and then regardless you'll be in a better situation where you aren't than you are now Which is like this limbo nothing You know, I have surgery. I'm scared. Don't worry about it. They put you to sleep. You wake up.

It's not even your job. Someone else will take care of it. You're good. A lot of these questions I find easy to answer, but this gentleman has tattoos. Good, I'm not sharing anything. He has tattoos that make him, that would give a lot of people pause about hiring.

And he has a couple of felonies. I don't know how many felonies he has in total but at least three and um go ahead so murka i need to have solve it yeah jesus it's like i don't even know well first of all save up get some shit tier do like what can you do as a felon i don't even know. Well, first of all, save up, get some shit tier. What can you do as a felon? I don't even know. Landscaping or something? Do something and save up to get those tattoos removed. Because that is going to be a complete stopper. Anywhere you want to go, higher up than that, get those tattoos removed first and foremost. You can't go around life with facial tattoos and expect to be treated as a functional member of society. I'm sorry if that's not fair, but you just can't.

So get that removed first and foremost and then take it from there. But first, just get a simple job that they'll trust you with. Landscaping. I don't know why that comes to mind, but I'm sure that those kind of places don't care too much. Hey, are you a hard worker and you're willing to put in your hours and do this back-breaking labor? Perfect. I don't really care that you have a teardrop. Just promise not to shovel anyone to death when they get the mulch type wrong or whatever the fuck. But that would be my initial advice. Yeah. Anybody have anything to add?

I was thinking, I had the same thing in my head, right? There's, it's a two part plan, right? One, get a job as like an auto mechanic or something. Hopefully we can get hired and earn enough money to get ahead enough to fix the facial tattoos. Because like you said, it's going to be a showstopper in a lot of areas. The other side of it is his story and his experience is immensely valuable for helping other people not do that, right? Yeah, that's the route I'm thinking. Yeah, there's going to be some job for like a community basketball organizer. There's going to be some job for like a community basketball organizer. There's going to be some job for like,

like someone that talks to youth, right. It can be bad. That's the thing that they do, right. Like they keep people off the streets. Exactly. Become a part of a boys club,

girls club or something where he can speak to troubled youth. But the issue with that is I think that doesn't affect like near term. Like he can't just jump right into that. He has to do something that qualifies that he's kind of turned his life around for the next five years. So that's true. He does have to prove himself to get into that role. Having said that, he might be able to volunteer in that role before he – like get the internship for that right now. Even with the tattoos, right?

The tattoos might be credibility. Don't forget, master's degree in psychology, right? he's not your everyday cleaned himself up hoodlum he is your super cleaned himself up hoodlum and that master's degree in psychology might help him relate to the people even as much as his experience has this guy could be an amazing person for earth to have you know that he could do a lot more good than he ever did bad. We'll see him on a TED Talk in five years. That would be the ideal, right?

Yeah. Five years is the expedited plan. But yeah, that's where we want to get him to go. And I think some sort of... I've got community organizers stuck in my head. But right, like talking to boys, talking to people who are on the wrong path, the scared straight thing. They had those people come to my high school and, you know, guy would do the trick where he'd put the thing up one nostril and the

other. I was a co-kid. See how I can, my nostrils connect now. You've never seen that? Yeah. No, I've never seen that. Yeah. The guy took something that I'll describe as like a long gummy worm, and he's like... What the fuck? See? It connects. I burnt out

my nostrils with cocaine. I turned my life around. Now we do this neat trick. Show it to all you children. The big thing there, and I don't know if it's true but what they told us like the one thing that burned into my memory even you know thousands of years later is that they're like the pull of drugs still exists every day they're like even right now i feel like you know what i'd like heroin that'd be good right yeah that would that would make my

night awesome he's like i just have to? Yeah, that would make my night awesome. He's like, I just have to remind myself that it would make my life awful, even though it'd be a hell of a night. And he's like that pull of, he said cocaine, although I feel like in the last five years, people have been describing cocaine as something light and casual.

Cocaine when I was a kid was like the, oh my God, boogeyman drug it was like just don't touch that and it seems like a lot of people now are like cocaine i mean adderall's worse i i don't know enough but like extra said that extra was on this show saying yeah i tried coke and addderall was a way bigger deal. I couldn't even say. I wonder about the dosages and if he's doing apples to apples or which one has bigger addictive properties over the long term.

I don't think he did enough coke to really measure that. But something. We had Aria Aspen on, and her boyfriend, I think his name was Forrest. Like he had a couple of cocaine stories on the show. And everyone was just kind of like, yeah, if you keep it casual, you're cool. I was like, to me, like I was raised in an area where cocaine was like the devil. It's the opposite of casual. Because right now people think of crack and I guess heroin and meth.

I don't know my drugs that well. You nailed it. Yeah. It's the like don't come back from drugs right if you do these things you probably won't turn your life around you'll do teeth will just rot out and you'll die in an alley somewhere right i told you that time that i was in that group and i and and meth came up and i was like oh jesus meth not even once am i right guys and the one guy was like i tried it a couple times you know and the other guy was like yeah man i tried it before too and i was like i gotta get the fuck out of here yeah look at my social network one of the guys doing i'm gonna leave now one of

the guys doing reservations on my house was talking about i think it was heroin actually. And they're like, yeah, heroin, you know, it happens. First you take your Oxycontin, and that just goes and goes and goes until your oxy habit's really expensive, and then you get heroin, because it's way cheaper than Oxycontin. I'm like. Smart, financially, fiscally. He's fiscally responsible.

But he acted like it was so sort of like, smart financially, you know, he's physically, but he acted like it was so sort of like, like, you know, there aren't really any other choices. The, you can't afford Oxycontin. Am I right? And it's like, and his dad was right there. And I'm looking at him like your kid knows a lot about this process, but I think meth and heroin are the two that come to mind as the most hardcore no-no. Maybe crack.

Do not, Plasco, yeah, crack. I think meth is just the same thing as crack. It's just more powerful, right? No. Crack is you take cocaine. As far as the effects. No. They're both amphetamines.

No. So crack, you mix cocaine and baking soda and water and you make little crack rocks out of it dry them out and smoke them uh and that's a very different high than methamphetamines which is what you're getting from crystal meth um you know where you might be up for days at a time like tinkering with fucking watches and tv sets and shit which one's your favorite mike yeah mike what do you like better crack or meth Kyle did you have any advice for that guy anything you guys nailed it you know I mean you have to start at ground level what you're not gonna like so it's probably gonna be

recidivism so good luck with that oh i i don't want to believe that i want to believe that this guy can be in a ted talk wear a mask because those tattoos are very distinctive think about it well hopefully he won't need to wear a mask because he won't be committing more crimes or i want more details on what happened in these initial crimes that he got arrested for where he said there's an altercation where two people ended up dead and then the next one was an altercation he was pretty vague about that wasn't he

yeah I want to know the story behind the teardrops Woody we had a little bit of a snafu and a couple people ended up dead he has two teardrops is that a it's a sign for killing somebody right i i thought it was if you'd lost a friend movies have told me no i thought movie or teardrop i thought that meant you killed someone but if you're a murderer

those add up quick you've got to have like rose what do you end up doing you got to move to some other body part but then they see the tears and it's like, I know there's three here, but you ought to see my left ass cheek. I'm a lot more hardcore than you know. Like what else? I have an answer for you. It's going to be hard for him to find a job with those tattoos. It really is.

The teardrop tattoos in prison can have several meanings. One is the number of years spent in prison. The other is loss of a loved one and or fellow gang member, or the fact that the wearer has killed someone. And the fact that he has two teardrop tattoos and killed two people I think might be more than

a coincidence. Context clues. You gotta get those if you're listening to this. Save up as best you can try and get those removed because it'll be much easier to get your life back on track once those aren't there. Yeah, as soon as you're not keeping score on your face anymore, you'll be a much better employee.

Yeah, look at Kyle's face. And on another note, I say this as an old dad, wear your hat straight, baby. Right, that crooked hat thing? Come on. Look at Mike. This is how a gentleman wears a hat. Yeah. Mike's wearing his hat straight, baby. That crooked hat thing, come on. Look at Mike. This is how a gentleman wears a hat. Mike's wearing his hat like a dad.

I have the father hat on. I like it. The curved bill. Look straight in. I even think it's even centered in the curve. Yeah, it's all right. A big golden sticker under the top. How do we know if it's legit or not? It's filled away.

It faded. under the top of the way it faded and the key and peel sketch where they keep one in units of their hats totally at the end he's got a big clear plexiglass display cube like stickers hanging off of it and price tags everywhere and he's got a chin strap to keep it all on this fantastic watch that that's yeah and this is the other guy still in price tags everywhere and he's got a chin strap to keep it all on. That's fantastic. And isn't the other

guy still in construction of something even larger? He shows up with that and the other guy has already one-upped him. I don't remember what it is, but I don't remember. Yeah, but he's got like a circular stall and it's still happening. Oh, did he have a hat maker on his head? Is that what it was?

That's what he did. So the guy shows up with the plexiglass display cube with all the shit hanging off of it, the chin strap, and he looks. The other guy has a platform on his head with a little Korean woman making hats on his head. It's even newer than the plexiglass. He's making it on it. For real. Next guy's gonna be like farming cotton on his head with a cotton hat. Oh, you had to making it up. For real. This guy's going to be like farming cotton on his head. Oh, you had to make it racist. That's a good show. I'm just teasing. A lot of their stuff's on YouTube, so you can watch clip

after clip. Oh, is that on TV too? I thought they were YouTubers. It's from their Comedy Central show. I'm so out of it. My favorite is how out of it Colin is. We still don't have television. We just have Netflix. So Colin gets into stuff, like, years late.

And, like, the toys won't even be available for it anymore. Like, vintage toys. Yeah. We're, like, going to eBay and buying used SpongeBob SquarePants shit because it's, like, not in stores anymore. What's the oldest thing that he's getting into right now? Right? He's not in stores anymore.

What's the oldest thing that he's getting into right now? So right now, actually, he's into Lego mini figurines. He just got some yesterday, and that's his passion. But he plays with a bunch of old school play school stuff. No, right now, he's not doing anything really old, as I say it. You know what he's into? Guinness Book of World Records. Always Guinness Book of World Records. He's like,

he wants to measure how wide my tongue is and how long it is just to see if maybe there's a world record breaker in the house. He's like, God damn it, Dan. Dude, I constantly disappoint him. He's like, how many one-finger push-ups can you do? I'm like, I don't even know.

Not many. Is he giving backhanded compliments or insults about it where he's like, ah, well, your nose looked mammoth. He measures me all the time, you know, like especially in my gape. Like I guess that's how open you can make your mouth. Yeah, that's his other gapes, i suppose um and like what else is he into there's some long oh oh so we do the um the we've been hanging our clothes in the backyard we got my wife a clothesline she's so excited about it and she's like hanging socks and sheets and whatever and colin's there like clip clip he's putting like clothespins all over his

record for that yes there is and he watches it on it's all over youtube guinness book of world record has like a big youtube presence and collins is watching and he starts like clipping himself all over seeing how many clothespins he and jackie hates it you know one of those books and it's funny to see like on one page someone who does something horrific or really difficult just to get in the book where it's like longest time suspended by me hopes in your back yeah and it's like nine hours and the guys like oh Jesus and then across from it is like I put on 90 shirts one day same book so so what happens is like colin

gets in trouble now he's not allowed to wear clothes pins on his face but it's hilarious he's got red marks like all over his forehead like a row of thing like you're like the jackie's auto she like, look at your son. Look what he just did. And I'm like, I don't get it. She's like, clothespins. And she's just like, oh, it's hilarious. So Colin, yeah, he's clothespin facing all the time now.

That's his latest. Did you break the record like that when you were little just to see if you could? I mean, I was really captivated by the book just like Colin is, but I never thought that i had any shot of breaking those records they were all ridiculous yeah yeah i i had the book growing up like maybe 1999 i had the book i remember and there was nothing in there that i was going to be able to be no not even close like it's fun to read but you're not going to break any of those some of them are just outrageous. The group ones you can.

Like, if you want to organize, like, the world's biggest tea party, you might be able to do that, for example. But, like, as, you know, long jump or something, like, just give up. I used to think the same, like, as a kid. I was like, well, there's no way I can be the fastest runner on the earth, and there's no way I can fit that many clothespins on my face. But if my whole town got together and made a pizza like this, then, you know, that we could do do there was just something in the news i heard some like the most

people getting together to make ice cream or something insane all at the same time that's a good one i don't know if they did it or not it was in the news recently i think we should we should arrange a pka uh guinness world record that's what we should do We should make the world's largest burrito or something retarded like that. No, there's a picture of the largest burrito online, I think. And it is insurmountable, I think. The world's largest banana split. It's the size of a school bus. Yeah, just find some obscure food that nobody cares enough about to make really big.

The biggest bowl of guacamole i never i had the same thing in my head the exact same dish guacamole it is sounds like a plan that's fate yeah nobody wants to eat most good and plenty's eaten in a minute i don't know someone from 1919 probably that shitty candy i don't know. Someone from 1919, probably. That shitty candy. I don't think I've ever had a Good and Plenty. It's lots of peanuts, right? No, it's licorice-flavored.

It looks like a Mike and Ike, but it's licorice. Oh, yeah, kids use those fucking things. That is a British thing to eat. Yeah, she likes to eat those candies. All her candy is like marshmallows and gummies and they're weird and she's got some like gummy worms that are pretty good but everything out there british candy's terrible i don't like it uh i have a new topic sure yeah so we don't have a pool yet if you could click on that link

and then uh i can't direct linked it, but if you open the Buffalo Road Aquatic Center, that is our local pool. Let me share it with everybody. This is like there's a community pool or something. And Jackie's like, hey, you know, maybe we would like this. Oh, that's sweet. Yeah, isn't it? Lazy River? It has a Lazy River.

It has a water slide. There's no broken glass in that pool there's there's that you see that that like green thing that like you go under it and it sprays water on you with it's like a legitimate beach lifeguard chair sitting on the concrete beside the edge of the pool so i i was like hey this sounds great you know how much does it cost and you know what the problem is with this place it's free it's free oh no right right and i'm trying to talk to jackie and the greatest thing with with jackie like like jackie's an elitist she'll participate in my elitism like we're on the same wavelength i'm

like oh it's free i was kind of hoping it would cost something. And she's like, are you worried there'll be poor people there? That's terrible. Here's the answer, though, Woody. Look at this. Birthday party booking. So you go in a day a week and you book a party and buy the book. Ah, I like this. There you go.

And it's just you and your family. The poor kids show up. The poor kids show up. And they're like peering through the glass like Wee wee wee wee wee And just you and your family splashing and like YAAAAAHAHAHAHA You cock-a-lickers, fuck you Fuck you

You're standing in that lifeguard chair just pissing right into the water And you say shit And you're just like, fuck it. That's actually a really good solution, Mike. You were all just going to probably joke around about it. You came up with a real solution. That's what I do. I've seen the episode of It's Always Sunny when it's like a heat wave and they want to go to the pool,

but there's a public pool that literally has shards of glass in it you have to wear sneakers when the kids are throwing rocks and then there's like the country club pool that none of them have enough class to be let into and that's the whole episode they're all trying to sneak into the good pool and trying to pretend like they have enough class to be in there i that was actually the first one i ever saw i that's that's one of my i've seen them all like three three or four times now i i really like that show yeah but yeah you got your pool problem solved now you just rent that motherfucker out i bet it

costs less than two hundred dollars and uh i would pay two when i i tell people all the time my girlfriend said she wanted to go to six flags and she was like look it's only like 120 and i was like no no if i was going to go to six flags with a regular admission ticket if i wouldn't go for free to like sit through that experience that's such bullshit you go to six flags with a regular ticket you're going to stand in line for three and a half four hours of that day and you're gonna ride nine rides you go in there and you drop three hundred dollars however then you and your little group never waits in a fucking line once but everyone drops three hundred dollars or it's three hundred for your group uh just me and her that'll get us in there i think it's like 300 bucks you get like the speed pass

the you get the vip bracelet so this this is how it works any Any ride. I got a little old school PDA type thing. I scroll through it, find the ride I want to ride. I'll pick the most popular ride in the park, Goliath or the Georgia Scorcher or Batman, whatever. And it'll my wait time is either 5% or 10%

of what the actual wait time is. So usually that means zero wait time. So you go through your own special gate, and there's a line of people who have these things, and there's a limited number of them. So worst case scenario, you might wait five minutes to get on a ride that has a three-and-a-half-hour wait line on it.

And here's the best part. You cut right in front of a regular admission customer to get into the boat. And this is a guy who's been waiting for three and a half hours in the sun. He's already sunburned. It was just a moment. I just scooted right on in there. Ka-chunk. I'm on the Batman now, asshole.

Oftentimes, there'll be a little confusion in their face. I try not to make eye contact because it's not a conflict between he and I. It should be a conflict between him and the park. You don't want to talk to people. But I want to know what's going on, too, because I like the set. And so he'll be like, hey, hey, what's going on? And they go, well, sir, that customer, he did this, this, and that.

And I'm like, well, how much is that? And they tell him or whatever. And he's like, well, shit. So I find the ride. It comes back into the station.. And he's like, well shit. So like the ride, you know, it comes back into the station and this guy's like, finally I get to fucking sit down. You know,

the, all, all the things go up and I go, uh, uh, VIP. You really get to write it twice. Twice.

You go back to back. If you get the, if you've got the, uh, the full thing. So that's how you do it. The Six Flags St. Louis was, is you'd have to get out, they could get on,

but then you just take the free, you know, you traipse through the line one more time and there's nobody waiting again. You're like, oh, well, look at that. One person's moved forward, I jump in again, and then basically you halved their line speed with your own speed best is how it works there but it's so great

six flags over georgia you just it really does feel like cheating it's it is more expensive you know I think it's like a hundred fifty bucks a person but I think what you it there's a it's cheaper the more people are in the group that makes sense because like one part of in particular is like a hundred dollars or hundred twenty120 or something, but anyway, that's the only way to go. Like I would, you couldn't pay me to go and wait in those fucking lines,

but I would happily pay the $300 to go to the front of every fucking line, ride the ride twice. When I go to Six Flags, I ride every single roller coaster twice, and I ride the ones I like the most four times. And if you divide each ride by how much you paid, you probably are still

getting to ride it like three times as much as someone who just bought the regular pass even though they paid half as much. At least. At least. It's so much better experience. So if you have the means, I highly recommend it. Ah, Ferris Bueller. Mike, are you still playing basketball?

I am not. Unfortunately. We're just playing the mornings. Jack's schedule is all over the place. We have babysitters and family that watches him. It changes all week. So we're still not to the point where there's any consistency in it. I wish I was.

I would love to be. Are you too busy with the kid or have you taken up any other hobbies like shooting or woodworking or weaving? I guess yard work is about it. No, no other hobbies. I have a video. I don't know if we need to watch the whole thing. But let's look at it together i am positive zero all right are you ready oh i remember this i haven't pre-screened it but i hope this is the right one

uh how did you find this that's what i do on the show ready set play play this is so old yeah look at that 2011 totally different mike he's just a kid i was a kid look at that how old are you now 31

look look oh please please let this be it all shirts are loose on him You gotta do the big ass move! You gotta do the big ass move! I don't know. I don't know. A little slow mo. I don't know. Please, Dio. Oh, what are these guys doing these days? Oh, what are these guys doing these days? I don't want those big ass moves.

Oh, he works at Twitch. That's sweet. He's gonna hit himself in the nuts, watch this. I'm getting it two times in a row! Please, please. Man, look how young Trevor looks sitting on the bed. It's impossible. It's impossible. It's like we just picked him up in school.

I can't do it. It's a big ghetto crap. Here it comes, they're gonna dee up. It's a big ghetto biceps, son. Let's see. Big ghetto biceps. Turn that light on, turn that light on. Ash is so little.

He's a little kid. You gotta pay for this. You gotta pay for this. You gotta pay for this. You gotta pay for this. You gotta pay for this. You gotta pay for this. You gotta pay for this. You gotta pay for this. You gotta pay for this. You gotta pay for this. Here comes, they're gonna D up. Big ghetto biceps. Ash is so little. He's a little kid.

Where's it coming? Oh. Alright, everyone go to 218 and tell me when you're there. Oh, the magic cards that I got everybody started playing. Oh my god. 218, tell me when you're Mike Taylor 218 yeah ready set play this is the best He just raved him. That's the same time. He plays ball the same way he plays games. He does. Bitches.

Look at him. Even the little tap. The tap was great. That's awesome lot of fun. Okay. Okay. That was funny, right? Oh, those were the days.

All right, pause. Those were the days. Yeah. Yeah. That was... Do you want to get back in ballin' shape? It does. So what do you think growing up?

Here, I'll kick it off. When I had a two-year-old, the thing that I missed the most was going to movies. That was kind of taken from me. And I really enjoy going to the movies. It's a big deal for me. You know how bad I miss going to the movies?

I went and saw Aloha this last weekend with Emily because it's like some chick flick movie. But instead of no Age of Ultron, no Mad Max, I was like, look, I'll go see any movie you want if we can just get somebody to watch the kid and we can go to the movies. So, yeah, I miss that for sure. What else?

How was the movie? It was good. It was great. Popcorn, drink, everything. Yeah. It was good. What else else you missing look the lifestyle change of going into family and adulthood and such it's just i mean with it it's like he's the center of everything so i mean your focus is totally devoted to him at least mine is all the time so everything

i do is thinking about him and you know i mean that's why I was late to the the podcast thing or late starting was because his bedtime and all that stuff so I mean that's just and it's just natural I think I mean you just change and your focus changes and that's I mean that's the biggest reason the whole YouTube stuff I think kind of stopped was just so it wasn't not a distraction but just so my focus was you know we're on him i guess but you don't miss the youtube money yeah i miss it but like i said for me it wasn't enough to i mean it was nice but it wasn't enough to be like hey let me think about you know putting more effort into this and making this a full-time gig yeah it's not just the video making as i think about like

there's the game playing like you need to play enough to be at a level where people want to watch you play. And that takes time. Yeah, and I mean there's keeping up with all the social media stuff and keeping a dialogue with, you know, the people that watch your videos. You can't just put up a video and let it go and be done with it. You got to manage all that. So to be successful. So be honest.

Is it better than being single? Like, tell the truth. What do you mean? I mean, is hypothetical single Mike happier? Is hypothetical dual-income no-kids Mike happier? Or is this the best Mike we can get? Like, where are we on this spectrum? This is it. This is a good mic here.

As Jack gets more independent, though, I think it'd be easier and nicer. But like I said, right now, all our attention pretty much is focused on him. But as he gets a little more independent and stuff. Do what, Taylor? Any plans for a second kid yet? Ooh, we started the discussions. That's not how you do it.

That doesn't lead to babies. We're thinking about it. We're completely happy with him right now. You don't have another kid because the first one's inadequate. This kid sucks. Round two. Maybe this time we'll get it right.

Kyle, any thoughts on the first? The first what? Child, yeah. What, on his first kid or my first kid? It's on your first kid. I'm not going to have a first kid. Can you guys read the quote that is my Skype status? Can you guys see it all?

I don't know. I don't think I can because we're like in a video. You can't go to it. Okay, yeah. It is Kyle from this show. One of my favorite qualities in a woman is that she'd be pro-choice. That is a very, very good quality.

Yeah. So, no children on their way i'd say i have a uh i have a video here if you would like to see it uh it i i previewed it uh things get uh going like after about 30 seconds but maybe we should watch the lead up uh it's a it's a police shooting and it's from the point of view of his body cam is it uh sort of scroll down to get to the video yes all right quite a good bit to the youtube page ah it's almost eight minutes long yeah but but things get kicked off very quickly okay um i'm queued up at zero okay i'll call it. Three, two, one, play. Alright, so there's a cop. I guess we're seeing a GoPro on his chest.

It's his body cam. I doubt it's a GoPro, but it's something. Okay. He's driving and he sees... He's pulling up to a group of kids. A group of kids in front of a quickie mart of some sort. You guys having fun? Yeah. Walking up to a group of kids maybe? Yeah, a group of kids in front of a quickie mart of some sort. You guys having fun? Yeah. Walking up to him. Looks like they're just standing next to a red truck not doing too much.

Oh, he's holding a gun at somebody. He's holding a gun in the way. He has headphones on. Get your hands out now! Get your hands out! Get your... Get them out! He's yelling.

Oh, wow. Jesus Christ. Get me medical here now. What was he doing? It looked like this guy was just walking. He wasn't getting his... Oh, no. That's the deal?

Yeah, he's got headphones in, so... I guess he didn't hear the cop yelling. This could have been me yeah that's Jesus Christ did you guys notice anything prior to that yeah he wasn't getting his hands out god I hashtag justice for Dylan this guy is covered in blood. That to me is the worst part.

Why aren't they putting some pressure on the wound instead of putting his hands behind his back and holding it in his belly? Yeah, they don't even give a shit. They're just standing there watching him die. At least do something. At least try to help. I think the guy's just dead anyway. That's terrible.

Yeah, I took them out. Yeah, I think he's already dead. Thank God they, yeah, look at how much blood's under him. That doesn't seem like a lot to me. What's on his iPod? Oh. I'm happy for the body cam.

The body cam is, like, I'm glad it's all true You know now we know Why did they have an interest in this fellow Does anyone know Cause they went straight for this guy Like he was their person of interest

Does anyone know the background behind that No If you go back and listen though he says something to the cop really can you make it out i don't think there's much less to it oh he calls the cop a fool he was messing with he lifted his shirt up and kind of was like messing around with his waistband right as the cop shot but that's not good that's not good have we watched that thing where the ferguson protester was learned the importance of compliance on the show jesus i don't know if i've seen that if you just go ahead and get like five minutes in

like you'll just see the puddle of blood grows and grows this guy's dead yeah i i stopped playing it because it just seemed too bad to me. Look at that. Three minutes in and they are the guys just now starting to give a shit about doing something. I'm surprised that's even on YouTube. Right? Yeah. Dude, can we watch this video? It kind of shows the

counterpoint. I hope I haven't watched it on the show before but you guys know me. Repeats are what, that's kind of my thing. But we start at zero when you're ready. Start at zero or... Yeah, yeah. Are you ready? Mm-hmm.

All right. Ready, set, play. At night, he is one of the most outspoken critics of police use of force here in the Valley. But he gets some on-the-job training about use of force tonight. Very interesting stuff. Reverend Jarrett Maupin led protests and marches

after Phoenix police shot and killed an unarmed man. Well, tonight, he gets a chance to experience the split-second decisions that police have to make when encountering a suspect. And our Troy Hayden was right along with him tonight getting the training as well. This must have been eye-opening. It was.

It was a really interesting experience. We've all watched those protests all over the country after police officers were accused of shooting people who aren't armed. But what would happen if one of those protesters felt what it was like to wear a badge and then be put in a life or death situation himself? So I'm going to have you put the holster on right inside your belt loop there. Jarrett Maupin gets his weapon. You might recognize him as a high-profile organizer in the minority community. Just last month, he led marches on Phoenix Police Headquarters after an officer shot an unarmed man. We want his badge. We want his gun. We want his job.

Today, he accepted an invitation to look at things from the other side. Agreeing to go through a force-on-force training session with the Maricopa County Sheriff's Office. Good job. You're looking for your vehicle. What kind of car do you drive? What kind of car do you drive? It's my car, man. Mopping, the officer, is shot. It happens that fast. It's fucked, right? Yeah. It was time for you to address the use of force that was given. When he came to the back of the vehicle and was hiding,

I could sense something was wrong. Sc wrong scenario to a call of two men Yeah, he got shot. Yeah Watch this one Oh We shot him Yeah, what are you doing, man? Hey. Hey, he shouldn't approach me. He shouldn't approach me. We were just arguing about what happened in there. Yeah. What are you doing?

You just shot him? Hey, he rushed me. Tell me why you shot him. Yeah, that's really scary. He's going to get it. Right? So now he shot an unarmed man. And the witness is going to be like, I don't know why he did it.

Right? Instantly, he's like, why'd you shoot? We were just arguing. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And of course, it'll be framed, however. People want it to be framed. Watch this.

I need you to keep your hands up, sir. For what? Because I need to check that waistband. For what? What are you doing? Because I don't know what you have under there. Everybody, look at this guy. What are you doing? No shots fired.

But the suspect did have a hidden knife in his waistband. I went through the scenarios too. We can pause here. I'm not interested in the reporter. The reporter does all the same things. He shoots the first, he gets shot by the first guy. Because the first guy he's like, hey, you know, like, what?

This is my car. Why are you bothering me? Hey, why is your hand on your gun? Pow, pow, pow, pow. And I would have been shot in that scenario, too. I wouldn't have known to start laying some bullets into this guy as soon as he walked to the back of the car. Like, it's a toughie. He didn't do anything that seemed worthy of shooting until he shot.

And then the second guy, I might have shot him, perhaps wrongly. Because there he is. He's physical. He's aggressive. He was coming at the cop. They obviously picked a cop. He was coming at the trainee, I guess. And they obviously picked an actor, cop guy, who was big and imposing, right?

Like, that guy's going to beat up 98% of the population. He's coming at you what's your other choice you know like it and the third one he had a knife on him and you know bad so circling back to the video that kyle shows this whole justice for dylan thing um they're like hey get your hands up get your hands up what are you doing like they're yelling at him he's not hearing the instructions because of the headphones i guess and he gets shot but dude compliance is paramount it it it sucks with the headphones stuff and everything but if that was me i'd have been like you know hands up whoa what's wrong here you know do do i is there a handsome person with an APB on him or something?

Why are you after me? We'd work it out. But this guy played tough. And I'm looking. I'm like, get your hands off your waist. Everyone watching this video, the first one anyway, I'm thinking, get your hands off your waist. If we go back to it, I'm going to play it again.

Yeah, you can see that he kept his hand on his waist for a little too long. And, of course, that arises suspicions from any police officer. And he was constantly walking away. He never stopped. Compliment. Yeah, he's literally got his hands in his pants under his shirt as I'm watching this thing. And he lifted his shirt.

Right as the cop pulled the trigger, he lifted shirt up turns out he's unarmed and and the yeah i guess you could oh shit i just played that again and i didn't show it to everybody um i'll do it again do you guys want to watch it with me you start at 26 okay i'm good i don't want to watch it again yeah it's really upsetting yeah you know watch it again I ran the site with I think I see exactly what you mean yeah there he is the cop there's two cops with guns on him oh first time through I didn't even notice the guy I thought he didn't see any cops until the first time yeah no until they got directly behind where he was walking the

cop is screaming get your hands out get your hands out he's keeping them in like under his shirt in his waistband he said it twice there's two policemen with their guns pointed on him and he didn't comply now i hate the compliance bullshit i watched another video i don't think i could find it quick enough where there was a traffic accident and the cop is screaming at people to get out of the road, get farther from the road. There's people on the grass, like not on the road, get into the woods, you know, it's just, and he's doing it for their safety. But there's a part of me that wants to be like, it's my right to be stupid. Stop screaming at me. I haven't done anything wrong. Knock it off. I'm not, you know, instant compliance with everything a cop says. But when a cop has

his gun on you and says, take your hands out of your pants, that's in everybody's best interest. You know, that's a cop saying, I don't want to, I don't want to pull this trigger. Start complying. You know, no one wants it to go down like it did he's not happy about how this is and probably the dead guy isn't either but yeah that just turned out poorly like i still think that was premature to shoot him especially given like what were they following him for anyway that like what that's a good question uh but the premature thing that's why i watched the other video right yeah it's like the guy behind the van yeah it's so hard to tell he literally you're in That's a good question. But the premature thing, that's why I watched the other video, right? Yeah, it's like the guy behind the van.

It's so hard to tell until you're in a situation like that. It's easy to pass judgment if you've never been pressured immediately like that in what could be a life or death situation. Yeah. You know, the van thing, right? That guy, he didn't seem dangerous to me. I didn't recognize the danger until after I heard the bangs you know it was like here you know he was one of the safer ones so so making these decisions I talked to my daughter about it and she wouldn't she definitely wouldn't approve of me calling her a

tumblerina so I didn't say anything like that but she was saying like there's no situation in which a policeman should shoot an unarmed guy. And I'm like, does that mean that police need to be, like, superheroes, like, able to beat up everyone? No more women cops ever, right? That's a thing, too. You know, because almost all women can get beat up by most men, right? That's, like, a thing, right? And so now you only have guy cops, have like ex-nfl football player cops

because you can't shoot right you can and then she said there should be no situation and when a cop fires first that's another thing so now you can only survive if the other guy is a bad shot um what else was she yeah well that's clearly a very far left perspective on this whole situation um like it unarmed is almost misleading in some ways because it's like there's no way to tell if someone's unarmed just at a glance that's why there's concealed carries like nobody's walking around with ak-47s strapped to their back unless you're in somalia like you don't know if someone has a gun or not so it's easy to portray it as though like unarmed is synonymous with i I'm right here, totally unarmed, announcing my presence.

But I also see the other side. So it's fine. That's kind of where you should be, like when a cop is in that state. I remember thinking back, what would happen if I was Trayvon Martin, if it was me going out to get all my Skittles and iced tea for my drug of choice? And then the Zimmerman comes at me and says,

what are you doing here? I have to imagine that Trayvon Martin didn't come back and say, oh, settle down. I'm going to my uncle. He lives right there. You can watch me go in. You can meet him. Everything is cool.

You don't think so? No, I don't think so. I don't think he said that at all. He said, fuck you, cracker! Things escalated from there. Things escalated on both sides, right? Zimmerman's been in trouble half a dozen times since then, and I fear

he's not the guy to really hitch your wagon to as innocent shooter. But, you know, something went wrong in that conversation that it escalated to a fist fight uh Trayvon Martin started beating the fuck out of him and then he shot him rather than take a badass kicking and um that that appears to be how that thing went down if I was Trayvon Martin it wouldn't have gone that way at all I'd have said said, settle, bro. We're all good here. I'm just going home.

And I would have. And it would have ended right there. So, yeah. Deescalate, people. What's wrong with you? But good video, Kyle. Yeah, I just saw that on Reddit. That looked gruesome.

That was terrible. I feel like I've said this before, but like, I wouldn't have shot that guy. I guarantee I wouldn't have done it. I wouldn't have pulled the trigger unless I saw a fucking gun. I feel like I just wouldn't pull the trigger unless I saw

a real fucking gun. Like, not a pellet pistol either. Like, it would have to look real. You couldn't pull out a burrito wrapped in aluminum foil and make me go bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. It's a pretty high standard when you say not a pellet pistol. Yeah, this is going to look pretty real. I don't care.

I'd know it was real. I mean, if it's a replica, then it's a replica. But if it's got an orange barrel, I'd see it before a shot, I feel like. I just feel like I would. I just wouldn't pull the trigger until then. What if it was a real gun with a painted orange barrel? Well, then I'm going to shoot that guy.

No, you wouldn't. You'd be fucked. That guy's going to murder me right there. Fuck you. Bang, bang, bang, bang. That's what every criminal should do, I suppose. Just paint the internet fucker orange. They won't take you seriously until it's too late.

I don't know. I feel like they're just trigger happy. I often hear about stories where it's like this cop who has already shot one person just shot another. And it's like it's not lethal weapon in real life, okay? just shot another. And it's like, it's not lethal weapon in real life, okay? Like, this isn't Mel Gibson out there cleaning up, like, some sort of Japanese triad. But he's not cleaning up the triads or something like that.

What do they call it? The Japanese mafia? The Suzuki or something? That's not what's going on. It's not. They end up shooting, like, just citizens of the community that they're supposed to be protecting most of the time, it seems like. It's, they end up shooting like just citizens of the community that they're supposed to be protecting most of the time.

It seems like. Yazooka. The Yazooka. It's the newest hit on Crunchyroll. It's not time for that yet. Go sign up crunchyroll.com slash PKA and watch the yakuza got cleaned out by mel gibson yakuza yakuza yeah thank you i'm sure somebody was really mad right there mispronouncing names that's my thing that's the thing you do that's the thing that i that i do i own it now

kyle are you still doing the russia stuff yeah we're uh i'm about to go um to uh to do a uh a gun show appearance up in i guess i should mention that to people where am i going it's um it's in pennsylvania harrisburg pennsylvania i think there's a big gun show we're going to uh uh pretty soon i i told i've been telling woody like i've many times have i been promised that a private plane is going to come pick me up and take me to a thing. And it's never came through before. But this time, apparently, they're coming through with it. Like, I've seen the picture of the plane. I've been guaranteed that this plane will show up and pick me up.

So we'll see. Yeah. We just know what a long shot it is. I'll believe it. Yeah, I'm still like, yeah, I'm sure it'll be here. Yeah. I'll believe that you will fly me in first class, but I have a hard time believing that you, sir,

are going to fly down here in your plane and pick me up. I'm still not believing it. Not as many times as you, but I've also been promised private planes. Thus far, I don't think I've ever seen the inside of one in real life i'm like oh for three there yeah everybody's always like oh yeah we'll just swing down in the jet pick you up and it's no you won't i believe they're real when they promised them to me i believe there was a chance that it might have happened yeah yeah yeah there was a possibility but yeah it's just somebody better wanted it that day. Yeah, exactly.

It was like, we really want to spend $8,500 worth of fuel to make this pit stop and pick up Kyle? Yeah. Yeah. I don't really care to impress Woody. Fuck it. So we'll see. Mike, have you ever been on a private plane? I have not.

I've picked up clients when they've flown in on their private planes, but I've never been on one. You know, that's about the same. I've been trying to get Woody to buy his own plane. I feel like that's the next step. At first he wanted to get some sort of an ultralight or something like that, and those are just way, way

too unsafe. I feel like you can get a safe, small plane affordably. Yeah, a little Cessna or something. Yeah. Kyle wants me to do a lot of Should I load up the wolf in the Cessna? Yeah, come and pick me up.

We can mount the minigun to the side, Woody. It'll be badass. Oh, that'd be awesome. Yeah. You don't have a minigun do you no this is like a quarter million dollars it was still a reasonable question yeah who knows i wonder how much your gun collection is worth um i've added it up before it's um i don't know if you were selling it fast it's a few hundred thousand dollars do Do you still have that one prototype gun

that it's hard to put a price on? I think it was an M16, but of a different caliber. He's having trouble thinking of just one prototype gun that he has. Yeah, I really am. I think you told me there was like... I had a.30-06 AR-15 once.

I think that's it. Did you say there was like 20 million in R&D and they decided not to use AR-15 once. I think that's it. Did you say there was like 20 million in R&D and they decided not to use that gun? Oh, I have that. Yes, I have that. That's a lower. So it was a company that went defunct, but they had spent like millions and millions in R&D to create this lower for this AR. Yeah, I've got that. I put it on my 300 blackout AR-15 and got it all coated the same color and it's pretty fancy.

Hmm. It's not worth a ton of money or anything. It costs a ton to make, so it's difficult to estimate its value. I guess. Yeah, $500 maybe if you wanted to buy one on the internet, if you could find one. Wait, I thought there was only one. Maybe I'm mistaken. I don't know where to get one. Do you say you do i don't i've just got the one if you don't know where to get one chances are it's really hard to get one because i've always assumed that you know how to find every weapon out there there aren't any more

on gun broker um i don't know i've got a bunch of sniper rifles though i think a lot of them are like in the five to ten thousand dollar range and there's like a handful of them there um you're shooting some hundred or four hundred thousand dollar guns soon um yeah i think they're bringing down like two or three million in shotguns for me to to me to play with wow there's like holland and holland uh i think they make make the shotguns for the royal family. So it's, you know, like the wood will be some sort, will be, what do you call it? Petrified. Petrified driftwood from the Baltics. Some ancient wood.

Yeah, right? Hand engravings and they machine the screws and it's a whole process. So they're very, very expensive. They machine the screws, and it's a whole process. So they're very, very expensive. If you're interested in what a $400,000 shotgun looks like, they make a YouTube video showing the construction process of it, and it is crazy.

Like, just to watch them make the screw that they screw in, like, it begs the question, why do you spend so much time on a screw? Perfection. Yeah, it's perfection. And then they screw the screw in, and when the screw hits proper tightness, it's like perfectly perpendicular to the length of the gun. And that's just typical for all the machining and fit and finish on this thing.

I don't know exactly which guns he's bringing, but he's bringing several of them down for me. And I know that there are different brands, and all I know is the price range of each brand. He's bringing four different brands, and one brand is the $50,000 to $75,000 shotguns, and one is like a $100,000 shotgun, and one is like a $200,000 range. And then there's one, I think it's the Holland & Holland stuff, that's closer to $400,000 dollar shotguns and one is like a hundred thousand dollar shotgun and one is like a two hundred thousand dollar range and then there's one i think it's the holland and holland stuff it's closer to four hundred thousand dollars um so i'm looking forward to that i got some

interesting targets to shoot yeah and uh and i think you know just showing off some very expensive shotguns gonna be cool so that's gonna be fun we'll see if he lets me shoot dragon's breath through a half million dollar gun what i should do here's what i should do i should like be showing the the really expensive gun the whole time and at the end like have a quick scene where i'm where i have my own gun but i shoot quickly and i'm just like poof poof and i just fucking throw it just like or do something if i did if i acted like i was going to destroy that. Even your own gun is pretty expensive and well cared for. I've got an over and under shotgun that's rusty that I'm planning

on cutting down to a pistol about this long anyway. And that one would be perfect. That's not the one I'm thinking of. I wouldn't mind throwing it in the woods. Is it a Benelli? Yeah, that's my favorite one. I remember... Mess, Mirka's messing up my formatting.

All those apps. Taylor likes to shoot too. I've seen a few pictures of him online shooting. So the video's all screwed up. I'm going to give it a minute though because on your screen did it change too? Are we like side by side?

Yeah, it changed to a different thing. So you can imagine my screen caps are all Oh, getting a little better. Kyle's perfect. Ah! See, I'm glad I fixed it. So yeah, that's going to be cool. He's going to bring those fancy shotguns down. And I think we're going to get some more drones

in and have some fun with that stuff. Have you gotten any more drones recently? I'm waiting on a shipment right now. They sent... They're sending quite a few more. You're like a warlord. What do you do with a shipment of drones?

Is there a second shipment coming? Yeah. They're sending quite a few more. How many more in total are you going to have 10 or 15 so back to my question what are you really doing with 15 journals taking over the neighborhood I gotta keep my eye on the neighbors

some of them will be used as targets some of them will be used for filming because they got on board cameras some of them are just going to be used for hijinks. I've already destroyed a few just playing around with them. They're fun. Only you would use drones for hijinks. Dude. Oh, fuck it.

$2,000, no big deal. At the edge of my property, there's some apartments. So I like to fly my drone over there and it's just like I get like 30 feet off the ground and I stay on my side of the property line of the fence but I just watch them and it's just hovering there and I'll fucking like look right to left, left to right, over and over and in reality I'm on my porch looking at an iPad video of these people like looking, looking at the drone, like, what the fuck is that? And I'm just like, I'll sit there and watch them for, like, five minutes until I got a crowd.

And then I'll just, like, turn around and just, and just fucking fly the fuck out of there and disappear. Oh, you need to put, like, a megaphone on there so that after a little bit of looking, you can be like, attention, citizens, return to your homes. We can finally make that kill streak happen in real life right what was it called the what was it propaganda plane the propaganda plane yes like you're all faggots this is this is our day for a uh monomorph or call of duty kill, the propaganda plane. And it lets the other team hear you on the mic. Yeah, I thought that was a great idea. I remember you guys talking about that so long ago. Years ago.

You people are gay. You're all gay. That's your bullshit you could possibly come up with. That's great. What were we talking about before that? We were talking about shotguns for a bit. I don't have another topic, but I have a terrible

joke. Okay, let's hear it. I love this so, so much. If a lesbian cock blocks another lesbian, is that considered a beaver dam? That's good shit. I'm fucking bad. I think Taylor lagged out again.

I was just making it that much better. This is Taylor's reaction to the joke. She really didn't like that joke. It's like, God. God. Did you hear about the woman that killed that guy with her car? The motorcyclist?

She was in the Navy, right? And she had previously threatened to run people over motorcyclist he was in the navy right she'd already and she had previously threatened to run people over yeah he was a naval officer and um they got into some sort of they're calling it a road rage incident i don't know what the details of it were and um it looked like he was running away she claims he tried to kick her car, but in the end, she ran him down with her car. Now, he might have been... Pushed him like 100 feet, right? Yeah, and like drug him under the car like 100 feet.

She's like, he was trying to kick my car. I imagine that was like a defense thing, like get away from me, like trying to push off. Or maybe he was just kicking her car. I've seen guys do that. But even if he did, if he kicked her car and made a dent in it. He didn't deserve getting ran down Yeah, I might drag under a car for that. I might think of the worst, but I wouldn't run him down Think of a worse way to die. Oh well. That's easy The way oh

Tell us the boats. I've told you before i well you know remembering things not my deal all right so you take a canoe you lay the guy in the canoe his uh you cut holes in the canoe so that his arm so that his arms and legs stick out and his head sticks out and uh so then you put another canoe on top of that to like seal him in two canoes So now he's like sealed inside of this wooden structure with his arms, his legs, and his head sticking out. You feed him nothing but milk and honey and you cover his face

legs and arms and honey. And because you're feeding him nothing but milk and honey, he's getting diarrhea and like shitting himself constantly inside the boat. And you roll the boat out into a swamp full of like insects mosquitoes and all kinds of bugs and awful critters and so they're always like gnawing and stinging at his face day after day because it's covered with honey and milk and he keeps shitting himself day

after day until the bugs start getting in the shit and then inside of him and so he starts like decomposing as the infesting his uh you know he goes all septic, and bugs are going and opening septic wounds and up his asshole and in his genitals, maybe. Who knows? And his head, his hands, and his feet are just destroyed by stinging insects, and it can take days and days to kill someone. Imagine also being the guy who has to go back every day

to keep feeding him milk and honey. Get a honey sack! Open up wide! That guy's serving for a lesser crime. That's his sentence. He'll teach you to steal bread. Jaywalking. Oh, God.

Drink it. Just drink it. This is, and I think this is how I responded to Kyle last time. You know in Game of Thrones when Theon, this isn't a spoiler, when Theon's being tortured and he's like, I'm going to get you to beg me to cut your finger off. In the books, they describe what he's doing in there. And he's basically filleting his finger

and taking the skin off and then letting it dry and rot and hurt and dehydrate and whatever until the pain is so severe that the torturer asks for the appendage to be severed to to end the drying out flayed pain that'd be bad that's horrific like i didn't fully understand how bad that was because of course when you see it in tv shows or hear about it you're like oh it's probably like they left it out exposed for 15 20 minutes to show them what i thought they were poking it on

the tv show like it like it went down in 10 minutes on the show what's what. I thought they were poking it on the TV show. Like it went down in 10 minutes on the show. He's like, I'm going to get you to beg me to cut your finger off. He's like, that doesn't seem right. And then like if he's like doing something to his finger, you can't tell. And he's like, cut it off, cut it off. And that's it. There were no days of drying out without skin in the TV show, I think.

And yeah. Yeah, I think that was implied in the books, though. Oh, it was outlined. They made it really clear in the books. I know you read it a while ago, but yeah, I'm fresh on it. It's awful. Yeah, that's rough. What's another awful way to go? Kyle, that was a very creative Egyptian torture tactic or whatever you were outlining. They could break you on the wheel. Not the wheel. The wheel of pain. You know, they had this big, large wooden wheel

and they sort of lay you across it, lash to it, rope around your wrist, rope around your feet and stretch you either face against the wheel or facing away from the wheel and then they just roll it down a hill. And so it's rolling with all the weight of your body weight

and the weight of the enormous wheel you're attached to and it's smashing you. Oh, you're on the outside edge of the wheel. I thought you were attached to the side of it in this scenario. No, you're on the tread. Yeah, you're on the tread. You know what I always thought would be lousy? Like, being strapped, I don't think this would be lethal, but if you were strapped to like a beach or something and they cut your eyelids off that would make for an awful day you'd just be looking at the sun until your eyes dried out and turned into like some sort of you know raisin you could be i think birds would eat it first

mike join in give us your favorite torture I have never thought of this so I have no idea I think about it all the time right before I go to bed let me think of a couple good ones so Mike do you believe in corporal punishment for children

yeah sometimes they need a whooping, right? Yeah, sometimes they need a little hard hand. I've never hit my kids, but my wife has. Oh. Yeah. The soap is the thing we used to do. I've told the soap stories all over.

But, yeah, I don't think I've even soaped my kids. But Jackie has. Never even soaped them. Oh, hey, we were talking about this a while back. all over but but yeah i don't think i've even soaked my kids but jackie has never even soaked them oh hey we were we were talking about this a while back taylor have you ever been hit by a girl taylor taylor uh it's that tragic of a memory no really mike ever been hit by a girl? Oh, fuck, am I gone again? Mike, have you ever been hit by a girl? I have not, no.

Kyle, how many times have you been hit by a girl? A few, like quite a few. Yeah. I'm shocked. There's like the flailing thing, where they're hitting you in the arm and stuff, but there's also like full on like... Closed fist.

Like closed to the face. I've had like full open like palm slaps to the face. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I've had all that. I'll be right back, it's Stacy. Did you deserve any of it? Yeah. Yeah, I deserved it. I bet you did.

Give me a smoke and fire or whatever, because I'm way behind. Here's one that I didn't. Oh, smoke. Fire. You're really close. Yeah, the one time I felt like I didn't deserve to get hit was we were, I was at Six Flags with kind of like a double date scenario. And I was basically, we were standing in line for a roller coaster, and here's what I said.

I said, you know, this is the great American screen machine. It's actually 45 years old. It used to be in Coney Island. They disassembled it, brought it here piece by piece, then reassembled it in the exact same way here, just so they could preserve it. Those timbers were in Coney Island riding people 35 years ago. And my date was like, really? That's incredible. I was like, yeah, yeah, totally.

We got to the next roller coaster, and she brought up the fact that the last one was reassembled from Coney Island and all that stuff. I was like, oh, I was just fucking with you. I was just fucking with you. She just, for whatever reason, that pissed her off so much. She slapped the piss piss out of me like full palm in the face pow like right there in the line and i was like fuck what the hell was that so like that one i kind of borderline deserved i was kind of being a dick no you did not deserve that one i felt like i did i was kind of being a dick like making that whole story up um although it's partially a true story anyway but but she slapped the fuck out of me. Another time I think I had cheated, and I got a real thrashing.

Maybe I hadn't cheated. I had, like, corresponded with another girl. Let's put it that way. Like, chronically, if you will. Cheating light. Yeah, cheating light. I had exchanged. That's why PKA Dan got divorced.

It was an email, okay? And that was deemed a no-no. And I got quite a thrashing that day. There was a couple. I wasn't cheating. I was just setting it up. That was the pre-cheat. Yeah.

Come on, baby. You can't be mad about me setting up a booty call right it wasn't exactly that in any case uh yeah yeah i've been hit by girls a time or two god can we talk about your girl situation at all uh-uh the never no fuck no because there's been some interesting developments. Well, they're not public developments. Jesus Christ. I have a new topic. Okay. Here. This is about the spending gap.

I have a fellow father with me. Between Mother's Day and Father's Day. This is absolute horseshit. It looks like they spend roughly twice as much on Mother's Day than Father's Day. This is absolute horseshit. It looks like they spend roughly twice as much on Mother's Day than Father's Day. There's a spending gap and it is only getting worse. I don't give my mom shit, so... I only get my dad gifts. I do my best to lower both those numbers by not buying either of them anything. All I want for Father's Day, I get for free.

It's a lot more difficult to buy for your dad than your mom anyway. No, it's easy to buy for my dad. Yeah, and whatever they buy for me, that money, it used to be mine. Yeah, that sucks. Like, when I get my dad something, I actually go out and just, like, get my dad something. So, like, it's fresh income for him. But, like, for you, it's just like, nah, you guys just make a card. You got some crayons and notebooks.

Yeah, right? You know? Just write it down. Don't use new paper. Take that shit from the recycling bin. You know what? Maybe just text me. Text me.

That'll work. Text me. Text me. Maybe some breakfast or something. We're good. Yeah. Yeah, go right ahead. Yeah, a little breakfast.

That is true. I hadn't thought about that. It's just you spending your dad's money poorly, buying him a shit-tier tie that he doesn't want, or some other item where he's like, wow, I was really wanting that Craftsman multi-tool. Not anymore. Now I got a tie with Snoopy on it that I have to pretend to like or I'll ruin this kid's

childhood. Yeah, that's what I usually get my dad. I'll get him a multi-tool or I've gotten him a few guns. Stuff like that. I usually get him something that's pretty pricey but not ridiculous and something that he could use. I don't know. If you got this guy like a coffee maker, he use because like i don't know if you got

this guy like a coffee maker he wouldn't give a fuck but if you get him a new wrench or a pistol or something like that he'll actually go out and use it have some fun my multi-tool uh has shipped i think so yeah i bought a multi-tool and uh it's a pocket thing like i should be it should be small and light enough that i can carry it all the time and And I had Woody's Gamer Tag engraved on it, and it's blue, and I'm really excited about this being my pocket carry for a long time. I love shit that says Woody's Gamer Tag on it. I'm going to get a P.O. Box, and you guys can send me fucking anything. It'll be like a used condom with Woody's Gamer Tag on a Sharpie.

Don't invite things like that publicly. My P.O. box is Carnesville, Georgia 30521. It's P.O. box 102. Do you want to send me weird and fun stuff? I've been getting lots of cool stuff lately. I like that. I'm gonna get a P.O. box. Send Kyle meats and fruit that will take long enough to rot that it'll make it there and then rot in his P.O. box and ruin all the good shit. Someone sent me a glitter bomb the other day but i was too wily for them i uh i noticed that there was glitter leaking i bagged it put it in a and like tied a knot in the bag and i plan on like looking into it further to see if there's more than just glitter in there but he put glitter in there and he slit the edge of the envelope with a razor like the edge edge so that like if

you were to like handle this envelope any way, try to open it, you shake it, and you get glittered. So, fuck you. Someone sent me a glitter bomb. Who would that be, Kyle? That was me. Yeah, I never opened it. Jackie somehow identified it.

She's like, I think one of your subs sent you a glitter bomb. And I'm like, oh, yeah, we'll have to check that out. Put it aside. Maybe we'll do an opening video or something like that. And I think I lost in the move or something. Oh, fuck. Kitty and I went through so much trouble to send you that glitter bomb. We ordered it and then the company went out of business

and then someone else started doing glitter bombs and we ordered again and the payment didn't go through or some shit, so we did it again. I'm going to ask Jackie they said it litter bomb put her on speaker We must have spent $20 sending you this glitter bar hey, honey You're on speaker. glitter gums in the trash You threw it out? I opened it in the trash

You opened it in the trash What was the experience like? It was already opened In the envelope Was it traumatic? Lights were out You were sleeping? It was already opened in the envelope. Was it traumatic? Lights were out. You were sleeping? It sounds like you just woke her up.

Did I wake you for this question? Yes. I'm so sorry. It is 1130. Yeah, I'm hopped up on coffee. It's like morning to me. So you opened the glitter bomb in the trash and it didn't like poof glitter or anything? Nope.

It was already exploded in the mail. Make something up to make it more exciting. Okay. Thanks, honey. I love you. Bye-bye. I love you. Goodbye.

She's so tired and irritated. That was funny. okay uh thanks honey i love you bye-bye well i totally wasted my money with the glitter box yeah you should actually ask for your money back if it exploded in the mail there's got to be some type of warranty or something she's describing um like what i said like the the the envelopes just sort of slid on the edge so that like it just spills in your lap i i don't know. I really didn't look into it too much. I saw that there was glitter leaking as soon as I took it out of the P.O. box. So I put it in a little plastic bag in my car. So it's still out there. I can go get it, I guess. You want to see it?

Were you with us when it was in a hotel room like four years ago and Kitty was talking about revenge or something. And she found a website called like revengecrabs.com. And you can send in the mail crabs to people. That'll get in their hair, get all over the place, and you get crabs. If you weren't there, it was because she might have been talking about doing it to you because you had done something to bother her. But this was, like, four years ago, so if you don't have crabs now, then you're probably in the clear.

Yeah, yeah, I've never had crabs, so... They're all cleared up anyway. No, I never have, but that's frightening. I can't believe there was such a website. That's a mean-spirited thing to do. Right? It was glitter, just to a lesser extent. Youvegotaids.com!

It's a box of syringes. Kyle, I have a question for you. I hope it's not inappropriate for the show. I've never had a three-way. Hypothetically, if you were to have had one, is it awesome or is it the disappointing experience that so many on the internet say?

They say it's pretty much like either you and somebody and that other person's excluded or those two and you're excluded and that sex just is more of a one-on-one thing and the three-on- three thing that a three-way is supposed to be just,

just never meets expectations. Well, I was the group leader, so I feel like I made it fun for everyone and everybody got to have fun with everybody. And, and you know, I,

I made sure the pieces were put together in a way that everyone would enjoy themselves. Wow. So you weren't just a participant. You were a coach, right? You're like producing this thing. Well, it wasn't my idea from the start. I was just with two girls, and we were all like swimming in the lake together, and one thing led to another.

And so then it was on at that point. So I just – everybody seemed down. So yeah, I was sort of the group leader at that point so i just you know everybody seemed down so yeah i was sort of the group or group leader at that point i guess i figured out the coach i would feel shy being like all right you go down on her you do this you do like like maybe she's not into what i'm about to request well you don't just want to go zero to 60 I wouldn't think not just like all right kiss a little bit all right shit on that plate French you got the syringes all right no I guess I just don't have any shame so I was just like you know eat that pussy I'm gonna fuck you with ass like you know just like you just tell you know figure out what you want to do.

You do it like that in your carnival voice. Come over here. I've got quite the ruse for you. Best sport. No, I don't think I use an accent at all. But, yeah, I figured that, like, why make this an awkward thing? Why, like, pussyfoot around, if you will, when, like like everybody's naked in a bed together why not just like hey what do you want to do well what do you want to do all right well you do some of that

and you do some of that and then we'll do this and you know just kind of go from there I had a great time I enjoyed myself and then the other time I don't know it's it's a it's it's it's a real physical workout if you're trying to please both women. That's the only drawback. I didn't expect that. A real physical workout? I guess so, huh? Yeah.

I mean, twice as much as expected of you. Like literally double. Or at least one and a half. So we're talking about, I'm thinking's literally double but if you have six and a half minutes maybe seven might be a little more than double then whatever um it's gonna take at least twice as long as normal though if you're doing it right i would say what was the post experience like really awkward just immediately back to let's get some taco bell knowing you yes totally it's like it's

like let's do like a triple cuddle and then get some taco bell totally now how does it end i guess it's over when you say it is right that's the guy's prerogative all right we all know it's done now. No, it continued after I was done. After I was finished being a participant, I became an observer. So I enjoyed myself, I suppose. Just one time? A couple times uh same girls you rascal i've uh i don't think i've ever come close to having a three-way

the trick is happening i suppose the trick would be having one girl that you're very close to and um another girl that's uh that's pretty slutty i think that's what you're very close to and another girl that's pretty slutty. I think that's what you're going for. Something like that. That makes a really easy... I'm halfway there. Jackie and I are super close. You just have to find the slut. Now you're just like a Craigslist ad away from making this happen.

No, truthfully, it wouldn't. Well, I mean, it would be for hypothetical single me where i don't care for these people but um real life me no i would well if the other one's a girl i don't know so am i alone in this in that like if jackie would cheat with a guy hypothetically that would be like unrecoverable to me like i would find that this relationship was over like it would just be done for i it would imagine that i'd replay it in my mental video camera and and also you you've clearly been picked over uh by someone who it it would be like if if she picked enough to like to make it even worse like what if she picked another like

uh another guy with your background and a guy who had similar things that who did similar things to you like he's got more subs than me god damn it like no she like picked a lifeguard with more rescues or something like you know picking a when if she if she goes with the guy then then she's clearly found another you weren't man enough this guy was a better man a better male match for her than you were or at least preferable at that time or he was giving her something that you were not or that you could not whereas if she goes and finds a lady you're like well i can't right she looks better than me that was never the competition in the first place she's playing an entirely different sport, right? Like something about picking the lady. Not only is it like you didn't choose her over me. You just chose a different game.

It's also like, like the, the replay, the mental camera in my head isn't quite as like, you know, oh yeah. And painful. No,

like he wasn't doing the things that I would do. She doesn't do the things I do. Like there, it, it, I don't know if things that I would do. She doesn't do the things I do. I don't know if I'd stick with her or what. I might feel totally differently if it happened. But in my head, it doesn't seem to hurt as much, the thought of it. I totally agree.

I think you're on point there. Oh, really? Because a lot of people say I'm crazy. No, you're totally on point. Yeah, I don't know why a lot of people... I can understand if some people are that sensitive about it. Like, no, if she slept with another woman, I'd be out. But I feel like they're in the minority overall. It's just not as bad, if nothing else.

What do you think, Mike? I don't know. It's tough. I understand if you can't stick in there, I understand that it would be hurtful and painful, but it's not as bad, is it? No, no. Yeah, it's definitely not as bad, but it's... I think that's the question.

Yeah, that's the question, right? It's not about whether you stick in there. That I feel like you have to experience to really know. But if you had to pick a way for it to go down, I'd definitely pick the girl side. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Definitely. Kyle's like, yeah. I could see that. Kyle's got to go take another coffee break. This one lasts six and a half minutes. Yeah. Wait, that's the double time. Yeah.

Do you have a keep calm and do something mug? Yeah, I's the double time. Yeah. Do you have a keep calm and do something mug? Yeah, I do. Yeah, yeah, I sell these. If you go to Kitty's Etsy shop, she has those on there. She also has the napalm candles. So, yeah, it says keep calm and carry. This is actually one that I already signed. I, like, sign a bunch of them in advance because everybody seems to want them signed.

I want the one with your DNA. Wait, hold it up again. I want to that handwriting oh it's uh it's all right yeah there you go fps russo sweet yeah that guy so yeah so yeah you can get one of those on it's on her etsy shop my candles really just smell like napalm which is just shocking i really didn't think mike are you on reddit at all have you familiar with reddit yeah i'm familiar with it i mean i don't i'll check it from time to time do you ever post comments i don't post anything no then my follow-up of what's your top rated comment yeah is irrelevant to me yeah well shucks all right what do you do it a lot you probably have a lot of points i do yes i have almost a hundred thousand karma when he gets to a hundred thousand karma he gets to be a member of a super exclusive subreddit and that's what he's like getting up to

that's that's that's what this is all about yes making a joke or is that a real thing that's a real thing it's called the century club you need 100,000 karma and you get into the Century Club. I'm already in our top, which is the top 1% of Reddit, but that's not exclusive enough. It's the Century Club. That's where I aspire to be. I'm going to do an Ask Me Anything on the PKA subreddit. And it should put you over.

I don't know if it'll put me over, but it's going to be, I'll enter Warp Drive and you'll get a lot of Why would you want to go comment with all those people with the most karma? Yes, all they're gonna do is make shitty puns that are really foreseeable that get to the top right away Like that's all but that's like every time I see something interesting and I'm like, oh I wonder if there's more information in here if I can see why there is this factor this tidbit of information I go in and it's some stupid fucking pun at the top 100 of the time and then you have to scroll down like 75 of the page before

it's like with two points it's like oh actually i work in this field and this is the reason for this discovery or whatever like it's so aggravating is there a way to not to like block those just see the good ones no and i'm told everybody who's in the century club agrees that it sucks that it's completely disappointing and that these that it's not this place where like everyone's comment is wonderful and super awesome that that they're just low lives not low lives no lives no no lives that uh that karma whore on Reddit all the time. But still, these are my people. It seems like I should get along with them. So we'll see.

Taylor, did you see that Wings of Redemption threw down a 1v1 challenge? Wings. 1v1 or 2v2? He threw down a 1v1 challenge. So I've been Skyping him for a bit, telling him he should come play civilization five with chiz and i and uh and he keeps saying no no no it's not my game or whatever and i then i guess he said on a live stream when someone brought it up to him uh that he would play me

in a 1v1 on starcraft on and some specific map type as well so i will uh play against him in a 1v1 starcraft if he reciprocates by playing a 2v2 against Chiz and I in Civilization V. He can bring his own partner or we can assign him one. We know lots of guys who are strong players. Take up the challenge, Wings. It'll be 10 hours of fun.

10? He got off easy. What does Wings do? I guess he's still posting videos? No? He still posts some videos. Live streaming is the way to make money now. It's not so much YouTube ad dollars anymore.

Live streaming, like Twitch? It's Twitch, yeah, that's the one. And I don't mean to be talking about just Wings in this case, but the business model is this. You live stream and you set up this thing where people can donate to you directly and people who are popular and stream for like six or seven hours can make you know one or two grand in a session and uh um you know you work for it but that's a lot of money and uh yeah you know it adds up in a hurry and and um yeah so so that's wings isn't making that kind of cash but he's

he's mostly a twitch guy right now i talked to him about it he says he doesn't love it that he feels like he's living off people's donations like like it's almost like he's a charity when really i think they're volunteering to pay for a product it's not quite a charity yeah i mean they're paying him for his entertainment, basically, I guess. The entertainment he's providing. Yeah, they're holding him hostage for it. Like, if you don't get me to $500 in the next two hours, I'm done.

Or I don't know if people do that. He went through a rough time, like, I'll say six weeks ago, where I guess he was threatening to kill himself again. He had went out and bought the bullets and stuff like again yeah I don't know how many times he's done that a good guess would be like 12 I don't know say it's like it yeah he's been he's been having some bumpy roads but I saw a Facebook

status just recently and he's on antidepressants now. And he feels a lot better about everything. Like, I wonder if I can find him. Good for him. Yeah, I'm really glad he's doing it. Let's see, Facebook. Hopefully that moves him in the right direction, wherever he thinks that is now. Yeah, what's the last thing you remember about Wings, Mike? I have no idea.

It's been so long. Yeah, it's been forever. I mean, this was back when he was posting videos and all the YouTube stuff was changing. I think everybody was getting like new partnerships with new people and Machinima was kind of becoming less popular and people were going to

other... That was kind of the last... Do you want to hear Wings' Facebook post? Yeah. This is from June 1st, which makes it three days old. Well, I'm one week into antidepressants, and I figured I'd give you guys an update.

First off, I'm aware it takes a month before you feel the full effects of an antidepressant, so that gives me hope that we'll only get better. I've noticed the following. One, my thinking and thought process is not as muddled. Two, I have much stronger willpower, mainly because I'm not having anxiety and depression bouts. Three, less stress eating is happening.

He's gone from 447 to 438 in this timeframe. That's pounds. Four, making better choices for life and eating. I know I've only streamed once, but that's coming soon. It's more of I don't know what to play than avoiding it. And five, it gives me a different view on the same situation. So that's where he is right now. People have been advising him to do therapy and antidepressants for a while now. And I guess he has some experience with having done them as a kid. It sounded like young kid.

This could be off, but I'm going to throw a number out like 12 years old. And he felt like they didn't work on him or it wasn't an effective solution for him but uh somehow he got convinced to give it another try and it appears to be good news so i'm happy for him yeah it's definitely in a step it's definitely a positive thing i have more hope for the antidepressant route he's taking now compared to the previous roller coasters of good and bad that he's been on over the last couple years. Still, there's a lot of roller

coastering. I hope that this good news stays. Yeah. Wow. Wings is having a hard time, although it appears not this minute, but he's having a hard time in general. His income dropped and that created a lot of stress, and then he didn't deal with the stress, like, public-facing very well,

and then that just leads to more stress, and it goes crazy. So Mike did the responsible thing that so many people haven't, and he decided not to play video games for a living. Yeah. And now that I kind of look back at it i mean i kind of because i just stopped i mean like cold cold turkey i wouldn't say that like you did post you didn't do a goodbye video yeah yeah yeah but i mean it was literally one video and then like no heads up or anything and that was it so i mean I still kind of feel bad about that a little bit. Don't feel bad.

That's what I did. Taylor. I just stopped. I'm sorry to interrupt. I just had a thought. Taylor, did you ever get a gun? I have a couple guns. I haven't bought a new one in quite a long time.

He's asking because you were texting us about gun ideas. Yeah, because you were asking about – because I thought of a cool gun that you could get that's pretty inexpensive. Let me grab this thing. Oh, be careful. His suggestions are never one he'd take up on his own. Have you considered a Cessna with a minigun and a wolf in it?

Well, first you want to buy a snake. Yeah. I haven't had a spider sack. Because I just can't rationalize how expensive they are even though the ruger gp 100 is like 750 for the one that i would want like the three inch barrel like i still can't justify it yet purchasing that it is a lot what do you got kyle oh they're the boobs of course so this is a mosin-nagant so the rifle is like 100 bucks and then it's been customized oh that's cool people have different opinions on how cool that

is kyle you've probably seen the online arguments i mean i've shot one before a mosin i thought it was fun they kick a bit. But it looks old and wooden. It's got a flash enhancer on it. This thing makes a fucking fireball. Flash enhancer. I've seen people that don't like this that think that you're, like, you know, messing with a piece of history. They made fucking millions of these fucking guns.

Don't worry. I got four more that I'm keeping for historic purposes. This fifth one here I cut into little pieces and let little pieces and let Eric customize the fuck out of it. I like this. Are they all in the same caliber, or have you messed with that as well? No, it's 7.62x54mm standard Mosin-Nagant. Super cool round. It is a cool round.

Very powerful. It'll shoot through stuff, and they're cheap, really cheap. The guns are cheap. The ammo is cheap. It comes in big metal cans. So you can afford to shoot this big.30 caliber rifle all day. And it's not a big deal. The bullets oftentimes are corrosive.

So as you shoot them, they start ruining your barrel, and you have to clean it at the end of the day, which I'm sure Kyle doesn't. Not like cool corrosive like Borderlands. No. So you would recommend that one kyle but i want to what he said people have mixed feelings like what are what's the drawback there has to be they don't like the fact that you're butchering kind of a piece of history modification of it yeah they feel like if it's not what came from the factory then you're somehow ruining its original intent they They call it a Bubba gun, you know, whatever. I think those people are being a little bit snobby,

and that's coming from me. I don't get it because, like I said, I've got like four of those things. It's coming from a guy who wants his own public pool. I was suggesting your public pool, not my own public pool. I wouldn't get in that filthy water to begin with. You think they're going to give you brand new water? I don't think so. We're going to chlorinate that thing.

The first 30 minutes of the party is just dumping chlorine in the water. The most elitist thing possible is like, I want that pool drained the week prior. I want fresh water for my family. Perrier, please. Okay, sure. We'll get our best 16-year-old on it. Needs to come from an Antarctic ice cap, please. Don't need Negroes in the water or anything like that beforehand either.

Oh, boy. Jesus Christ. Jesus fuck. Don't stand for it. All right, double down. Double down. It gets you in less trouble than backtracking. It always does.

That's the social media truth. Double down. Yeah feel like i feel like that's how jackie would be i feel like she's like i feel like i know she's from new jersey but she wouldn't say me grow i feel like if you looked into her lineage like like her family owns some huge sprawling plantation like in louisiana and like after the war they they went up north and somehow held on to their riches or something like that. Totally not her family. Her father was a fireman.

They lived in Patterson. If you don't know Patterson, New Jersey, like this is the thing. This is the thing that all, you know, that movie, uh,

was it stand by me? The one with crazy Joe Clark, the principal and the baseball bat stand. No idea. Really? Uh, probably before my time it was lean on me it was lean on me and morgan freeman played this principal and he straightened up this school and this school had like ridiculous underachievers and like 5% attendance and like all these like pregnant teens and murders and violence and gangs and stuff.

That's the school Jackie was zoned for. Like where she grew up. She went to an all girls Catholic school, but that's the school she was zoned for. So, uh, yeah, that's,

but she came from, yeah, they're, they're nice family. You know, parents were, her mom worked in the prison, the prison as a secretary or something and mostly helped all the corrections officers

with their benefits or payroll or whatever. And her father was a fireman. You know what time it is? I'm hoping it's time for a mid-roll. It's time to talk about Crunchyroll. Oh, sweet. Crunchyroll offers the largest, most diverse collection of anime series straight from the source. Each season, they're bringing in the best new anime from Japan to deliver the largest line of anime,

from classics like Sword Art Online 2, One Piece, and Attack on Titan, to a few favorites like Food Wars, Punchline, and Is It Wrong to Try and Pick Up Girls in the Dungeon. Titan to a few favorites like Food Wars, Punchline, and Is It Wrong to Try and Pick Up Girls in the Dungeon. You can watch these shows and more across all devices, whether it's an Xbox, Playstation, Wii U, Roku, Android, iOS, or Apple TV. You've got access to

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That's right, Crunchyroll Premium for an entire month if you sign up using Crunchyroll.com slash pka. You mean to tell me that they've got the best anime from Japan subtitled only one hour after it came out? As little as an hour afterwards. This is too good to be true. There's no way. There's got to be a catch. Is it HD?

Absolutely. 1080p quality. Holy fuck. Are there ads during the videos? Oh, my God. This is orgasmic anime right here. Incredible, man. This has got to be, you know, 40, 50 bucks a month, right?

No. The bleak plans are around $6 a month. How about the first month? How much is the first month? Oh, that's free. No way. How do you get it for free? Crunchyroll.com slash PKA.

Holy smokes. Well, there is no better deal for anime fans. Goodness. So I give up one Starbucks a month, and I get a month's wow. Yeah. Unlimited virtually entertainment. It's amazing. That's incredible.

There's just no reason to get anime through any other source. I can't think of one. Because there isn't. I'm having a better time with the ads this show than I have in a long time. I like the ads. And check out the YOLO Boys, too. The YOLO Boys! They're one of my favorite sponsors ever.

They're the best Middle East newscasters that you'll find. You won't hear me complaining about Crunchyroll anytime soon. I'm very proud to be working with Crunchyroll, just as long as we don't have to talk about the YOLO Boys anymore. Do you remember the YOLO Boys? Is that a thing in your memory, Onslaught?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, we used to have a lot of people who'd advertise on us. Some were YouTubers, like aspiring YouTubers. Some people would advertise on PKA just for the fuck of it. What's that? Like a shout-out. What's that? Like a shout-out basically. Yeah. You know, their name or whatever they do.

And the Yellow Boys were two guys and an androgynous person. And they just wanted to be known as the best military newscasters in all of like Western Europe and the Middle East. I think it was weather. Yeah, I think it was, did I say news? I meant weather. And these guys predicted the weather in like Western Europe and the Middle East for like the Air Force or something. And we were just like,

those two guys and that other person of unknown sex are the best you'll find. I wonder how they felt about their value. I'm sure they loved it. Yeah. How about the one guy though? Well, the one person I should say. I don't know. I'm sure they loved it. Yeah. How about the one guy, though? Well, the one person, I should say. I don't know.

I mean, we do the best we can. The YOLO boys. I would love for them to reach out to us. Reach out at the business at pkonline.com. Prove you're a YOLO boy and let us know how you're doing. Go on. Can we talk about the sponsor that we're going to be reaching out and working with here pretty soon? The automatic sponsor?

I know the one you're thinking of. Yeah, sure. So the makers of the Autoblow. We got back in touch with them. This is a robotic fleshlight thing. Yeah, this is an automatic cocksucker. You plug it in the wall and it sucks your dick. They sent Woody one, but he felt like it was just... an automatic cocksucker. You plug it in the wall and it sucks your dick. And they

sent Woody one, but he felt like it was just, you know, he's got kids and stuff. He doesn't even want to be associated with it. He didn't even take it out of the box. He just put it in the closet. As far as we know. I can't be associated with it. I've got a daughter in high school.

I don't have any fucking kids, though. So they're sending me an autoblow, and I'm going to fuck that thing. Like, why not, right? Everybody's like, I wouldn't fuck that thing. It's like, yeah, you would. I'm going to fuck it. Come on, I'm going to put some lube in there

and fuck that autoblow. As you do. But I'm going to show it off on the show and maybe stick a cucumber or something phallic in it and have a little fun with that. And I think they're kind of, if things go well, if we sell a few units, I think they're going to be another, you know, they're going to be

in the mix with guys like Country Roll and Squarespace, you know. I think the Autoblow is a pretty cool little product, so we're going to find out. Of course it is. I can't wait to learn more about it, but I don't understand. Just from a, you know, forgetting about the Autoblow for a minute, but the whole

space in which they exist, why is it that girls using like masturbatory devices are go ahead, thumbs up, you're so awesome, yet guys doing it, you know, we need to work to correct that social faux pas. I feel like every man should have an auto blow. Like, so much cheaper than going on dinner dates and all that stuff get yourself an auto blow you'll get your life together it's a sure thing for only $19.99

they're expensive money auto blow i don't know how much they i hope there's a coupon code or a discount or something that we get because it's like $250 maybe something like that call 1-800-BLOW-ME 1-800-BLOW-ME. 1-800-BLOW-ME. That's not even the right number. Have you ever turned it on before, Woody? Because it all depends on the noise this thing makes. If it's pretty silent,

I can see it taking off. If it sounds like a robotic noise, then that's troubling. I'm told it's unexpectedly loud. Kyle can verify it. Real lifelike noises. No, I've heard that too.

I don't have any experience, but I think this is going to be hilarious. And I'm going to put on my coffee. Like Woody always talks about, like, yeah, you go into Kyle's house and there's like a 70-inch TV and then a 50-cal at the base of it. It's like there's going to be

an auto blow in the corner now. You stand it up in the middle of your table and put flowers in it, turn it on, constantly going up and down. It's going to be a conversation piece. I think it's going to be hilarious. Right. For Christmas, you put out the auto blow,

it moves around in some way and it's a decorative thing. Put some lights in there. That's what I should have given Joe. Don't re-gift it. I should have given Joe one at his wedding that would have been funny Everybody else is good in the envelopes in the box And I just put a wrapped auto blow next to that box of money not even wrapped you just put a bow on it This is the gift that keeps on giving Trust me, Joe.

This is the gift that keeps on giving. A couple hundred bucks will be gone in a week. No. You're going to want this. Oh, that would be so fantastic if I could actually re-gifted my auto blow. Like I said, no wrapping, no hidden, just a bow on the outside of it so everyone sees the auto blow. He had like this really classy, like, it was like a birdhouse with a slot on the top where you put your envelope in. And, yeah, i should have dropped the auto blow next to it joe's wedding was very nice i thought i liked it a lot the wedding was great

but what i really liked with the people like his family and her family just seemed like they were filled with good people and and um having been married for a while i feel like that's a huge indicator of how the wedding will go like how the marriage will go and there were almost no fat people at this wedding no right like you got Joe coming in a professional athlete which doesn't mean that everyone he's related to is a professional athlete but it does mean that many of his friends are and he comes from good stock right and then you've got her and she's very petite like the lady behind me I heard her say she's like a she's like a little doll. She's very petite.

So all of her family's in good shape, too, it seemed. And there were maybe 150 people there, right? Wouldn't you say? Call it that, 110, 150. Yeah, something like that. Maybe four fatties in the whole mix. Wow. Yeah, it was impressive.

Yes. Percentage-wise, that's an anomaly. But not just four fatties. If there were 110 people there, there had to be a good 30 professional athletes. Yeah. That's Dasha, girl. Is that her name? Dasha.

Dasha. I finally got to see Dasha in person. She's the one that I guess everyone says is so hot that's out of Joe's gym. She's dating an ex-UFC fighter right now. Yeah. Jimmy. She might have been the best looking woman at the wedding, aside from the bride

of course. She was very beautiful. Yes. But there were a lot of beautiful women there. There were a lot of beautiful men there, just saying. Lots. A lot of cauliflower ears in the man.

Even if they didn't have cauliflower ears, you could tell, like, that's a fighter, right? That guy's got, like, the fighter's haircut, the fighter's build. Like, that guy fights, undoubtedly. And just, like, guy after guy after guy seemed to have that, like, wrestler stance and hardness to him. And, dude, like, if a fight broke out at Joee's wedding i would have to there was a lake nearby i think i jumped in the lake i think i started swimming of course aquaman you take to water

come at me now bros control some catfish or something yeah it was a good trip i enjoyed it uh uh we we walked around the pier like by some park or something got to see the ocean for a bit uh went and watched mad max at one point um ate a couple of decent meals i guess nothing that would really stand out other than the at the wedding the wedding the steak was very good um so yeah it's good trip good trip yeah i'm i'm happy we went didn't someone tweet you like you didn't go to the wedding you're not a real friend he tweeted at both of us oh did he yeah he says i guess you guys weren't invited to the wedding not real friends little does he know i have a picture i have proof let me see if i can find it uh this will not be too long and i'll take that many pictures. Oh, what do you know? I did a like vlog in the meantime. I still stick by that thing I

said about women in Boston last time we were there. So for this is me and little Joey. And then for you guys who can't see it, that's me and little Joey. But yeah, that's me and little joy but yeah that's me holding baby lozone yeah i was there yeah that whole thing was great i'm glad we weren't yeah absolutely is taylor here yeah i think i'm here oh yeah you guys got spotty for a bit yeah yeah we do that sometimes yeah so mike when are you going to get your architectural license and start your own company oh god i don't know i don't want to start my own company at the moment things are pretty good like i said i work at a big enough firm where there isn't a i mean if i was to go out on my own i'd be more motivated to do it but i'm just not at the moment totally content with where I am.

The wife hates it, of course. What does the wife hate? She would love for me to get just the registration license just to more so just say it. And she hasn't effectively gotten you to do that yet? No. There is literally no financial benefit involved and it's seven tests each test it's basically a pass fail you take one at a time you have to literally study at least a month for each test i mean it's it's an insane that doesn't sound insane to me at all my wife so when we when

we picked this area rtp we were like all, I want a place where I can get an education, raise kids, find a good job, enjoy good weather, and be able to afford a family lifestyle. So we picked this area of North Carolina. I started playing hockey for like a year all the time. I was in like three hockey leagues or something. I was really enjoying it. Picked up woodworking as a hobby. And things are going great. And Jackie, she was like, you know, one of the reasons we moved here was so that you could get your master's degree.

That was kind of like part of the thing. And that was it. I was like, all right. I'll get a master's. So I spent the next whatever, three years or something, toiling away tirelessly at a master's degree your wife hasn't figured out this whatever combo of words it is to get you to to do a thing not yet no i honestly i should have done it instead of youtube if i was gonna do it now it's what do you mean what are you done you're 31 it's go baby yeah do your thing like i said there's the i just haven't hit that motivation

it might hit me one day but at the moment it's just you need to see shia labeouf's motivational speech then oh it's very good i watch it every morning i i'm trying to get someone to make a woody craft like trailer like you know play woody craftraft. Just do it! Do it! Do the thing! WoodyCraft! I don't know. Make it happen. But dude, yeah. What if you wanted a different job? This would be a serious piece of your resume. Oh, yeah. It'd be huge. Yeah.

Would it open up doors in other states where it's required to have it, or is it kind of just across the board, just a bonus kind of thing? No, so I mean, right now the way it works is that you can so an architect has a license obviously they sign and seal stamp a set of drawings those drawings are given to a contractor and a contractor will build it based on those drawings right now i do everything drawing wise detailing wise all the coordination i just work kind of under a licensed architect who reviews and stamps and seals the drawings,

basically. But wouldn't there be an advancement position to be that guy? To be the head guy that checks everyone else's work? There would be at a smaller company. My company's so large, literally if I was to get licensed,

there wouldn't be enough value in me having license when all these other people have it do you have to pay for fees just to take the test or anything like that oh yeah each test is does your company pay for it yeah they'll reimburse you if you pass them see not a problem and but is it there a ceiling on how high you can go without being there is don't lie to me you son of a bitch i know it yeah there is i mean that's why right now i mean my technical title is a project manager so and it's but it's almost like a project manager is almost a higher position than a project architect because i manage and i deal directly with clients and i've already kind of gone through the process of doing what a project architect kind of does.

But there's gotta be some other role like HNIC that, that requires your thing. Yeah. If I was to become, so the way our firm is set up, we do retail work, we do community and school work. We do like service retail banks and stuff like that all those studios they're called studios they all have principals and to be a principal which is basically the leader of that studio you have to be registered so if I was to step into that position I would have to do that yeah said tomorrow do the thing oh yeah so how's those woody's lab videos

come fuck you like no what's the first what's the first one gonna be what's woody's lab all right so uh i guess it was last year probably early last year year, I was like, I'm going to make a new YouTube channel. It's going to be called Woody's Lab. And the concept would be like outside is my lab, and I'm just going to do cool shit. And it like ratcheted up. I think we had an idea where we're going to like make fries, but then we would get like a potato gun that could launch a potato

through like one of those mesh grates and then it would like go to the other side and fall into boiling oil and we were going to kind of like create that and then like execute it and make it go. I wanted to do an oxyacetylene balloon and Kyle thought this idea was too dangerous but like you've probably seen people like blow up a balloon and hold a match to it and it goes pop, right? Well, I have these balloons that are large enough for like probably two or three people to get inside, right? So I was going to like blow this thing up to the size of like a small room, right?

Like not a big room, but like a big closet. Just a small room full of flammable gas. Yeah, and then launch it really high and light it with likeragon's Breath out of a shotgun or something and see what happens. But Kyle says that this is a bigger deal than I'm giving it credit for. And it would break windows and police would arrive. And this is... It's not a kaboom. Yeah, the guy who professionally blows up things, I would trust him.

Yeah. It would be a real big explosion. And my biggest fear is some sort of static electricity or something like that setting it off prematurely. Because I lit a balloon of acetylene once when I was like 15 and it took all the skin off this hand. And it was just, it was one of the most painful things I've ever been through. And I just have a real, I'm really skittish around acetylene now. Kyle's like the hound. He's been burnt once and now that's his weakness. i try to stay away from acetylene like gasoline i feel like i

understand uh like how gasoline works and i start a lot of fires with gasoline and do a lot of other stuff with gasoline too but acetylene just seems more volatile more dangerous uh and and i think what you'd want to do maybe and i'm just guessing guessing though, is do an oxy-acetylene mixture in the balloon. And it would be even more combustive or a louder, bigger, more fiery boom if you had some oxygen in there. But the trick is filling up the balloon safely. You want to be able to remotely fill up that balloon. So, like, here's how it would work. You'd attach, like, a 25-foot-long hose between the tank of gas and the balloon in question, and you'd have some way so that, like, the nozzle goes in the balloon,

and then the balloon squeezes around the nozzle, so it's just stuck there, and it can't go anywhere. And then you, ee, ee, ee, you know, open the fucking valve up, fill the balloon up right there, still attached and everything. Maybe you got a literal firewall valve up, fill the balloon up right there, still attached and everything. Maybe you got a literal firewall between the tank and the balloon. And then you can shoot it with whatever you want.

But what you don't want to do under any circumstances is be near the balloon while it's being filled with that gas. Because if something goes wrong, then you're going to be scarred terribly or die. Yeah, it seems like in my head of the mechanism like if we could seal the bottom of the balloon and then have something else just like squirt air into it or something compressed air it would blow it off the nozzle and then it would take flight and then you shoot it with your dragon's breath and it should blow up this is so dangerous like if I ever was planning something like this and Kyle told me hey you're to want to rethink that,

I wouldn't even ask for an explanation. I'd be like, okay, I shouldn't be doing this. It scares me so much. Just like the nitty-gritty details of the thing you just described, for example. Getting it full of the gas, getting the end tied off or sealed in some way, and then releasing it. The simple act of releasing it, how does that happen? If someone ever has to walk over there and poke something with a stick then we haven't planned appropriately like if you could get it if you just told me hey there's a there's a big balloon of

explosive gas let's shoot it i'm all for that like that'll be cool as shit yeah let's shoot it but making a big balloon of explosive gas. And that's the lab, right? That's where the servos and the fun stuff comes in. Yeah, yeah. There's going to be one video on that channel where I explain what is burn unit. But anyway, I was really passionate about this idea last year. And then I thought I was shopping for a house where I had even fewer neighbors than I do now

and we got this home and I have like 14 acres of land a little more than that but still it's not as if I can't see a neighbor and that's on my mind somewhat and so some stuff I could do other stuff it's like where's that where do those bullets land

and then I would certainly be happy to help you with any Woody's Lab filming you know where do those bullets land um and then uh i would certainly be happy to help you with any woody's lab filming you know if you wanted to come down here of course that would be that was a thought too it was like ah we could prepare maybe two or three things knock them out in a few days and and make that a go um but uh it just hasn't i don don't know. Like, it's something that I don't want that bad right now. Fair enough. But there was a subreddit thread about it on the PKA subreddit, and they all fussed at me, and Kyle's really been enjoying it.

He mentioned it. Because I know what happened. You know, part of it was, like, you wanted to be moved into the new house, and you've still got, like, that new house in front of you with little nitty-gritty repairs and stuff like getting everything 100 and then it may be a year before you you feel it's 100 you know there's a lot there's a lot going on there i think just today so we've got i'm doing this team building event with woody craft staff and as of today it's like two and a half weeks away and we're just trying to like make the place look right i had i replaced

all these hvAC vents the other day and then all these light switch covers. And then I had some like oiled bronze light switch covers and then just white switches. So I replaced them today with the brown switches. That's the thing Jackie thought she smelled burning. And there's always something to do.

Today we went to Apex. It always seems like the Apex house is completely cleared and we still managed to take two truckloads of stuff from it today um now now it's really cleared this time and uh um so yeah it there's there's a whole lot of homeowner stuff to do and did did you ever had was there a wall in the house or anything like that where you marked like the kids hide or anything or not that no we didn't we never did that i always thought it would be cool i'd probably take that jam with me you know just cut it that's what i was gonna say you guys can have a new jam yeah yeah i wish we had done that because when i was like from zero to five we did that at one house and then we moved and then from like five till six i did it and then

we moved again to a to a new and it's just like we didn't really keep up with this too well, guys. My mom and dad had us do that when we were growing up, me and my brothers. And it was, like, kept going. The big board came with us for, like, quite a few moves. And then in one of the final moves before I moved out of the house for college, like, some Bosnian contractor

was putting in, like, granite somewhere. And he just cut this thing down, cut it apart and used it. So you could like bend under the counter before it was finished and see like Taylor age 11 written right under there. And it was like, why the fuck would you do that? Like,

couldn't you tell? Wow. I know. That sucks. Great. Um, but yeah, there's always stuff to do and it's fun i don't know like i'm excited about

dressing up my house and doing little things today we have a big like vanity type cabinet thing it looks like it's from a ship in the master bath and uh the door didn't swing open right and i fixed that today and every time i do a little thing like that it's like ah sweet i made the house just a bit better i think a cool woody's lab video would be souping up one of those lawnmowers that would be cool and that seems like something that maybe you could get excited about uh well oh you mean to make it cut more i feel like like to literally use it after it's said i don't feel like you cut grass you annihilateilate the lawn. At this point, you've got so much equipment and so much stuff going on with that grass cutting.

I feel like you hate grass. So like some sort of grass terminator lawnmower. I don't know. I don't know what it'd do. Maybe it'd have like 25, 30 horsepower and be geared up a little bit. So you could go maybe 30 miles an hour cutting the grass. What if I went to Craigslist and bought like 12 push mowers right and then like mighty ducks flying v style i had them like

dragged out from the tractor and i just mowed like you know with all these push mowers running at like five miles an hour but 20 feet wide or more and yeah and V. Yeah, yeah. Just all hooked up to each other. That'd be crazy. It's not safe. You get some of Kyle's drones and go trim some trees or something with them. They don't do too well in the trees. That's how I crash.

Once I've crashed. Every now and then I fly them over the house and lose sight of them and I'm not really sure what left and right is and just fucking plow a tree or something. How high can you get them? I don't know. The little ones seem to go, like, well over my house, so I don't know, 30 feet or so.

But the big ones go really high, although it seems to have, like, an altimeter cutoff or something like it'll only go so high so i don't know 50 feet maybe i wonder if it loses signal no i guess it wouldn't that because it'll i think i got like seven or eight hundred feet of like uh control with it so i can fly it pretty much out of sight my we have a like mike you might have this too like i have family, and then we have friends with the whole family. Me and the dad get along, the moms get along, the kids get along, etc. This guy's hobby is flying drones, and he's been doing it since before it was cool. His drones can go far, like miles away, and they just use the cameras on them to navigate.

He lost one on top of a prison once, and it was a really big deal. navigate. He lost one on top of a prison once and it was like a really big deal. Apparently flying drones in over the prison walls where the prisoners are in the yard. Not too fond of that. No, yeah. That's like restricted airspace.

They just got really mixed up. They didn't mean to do that. The drone landed on the prison building and for all that the prison knew they could have been dropping files or something to the prison building and for all the prison knew, they could have been dropping files or something to the prison. Drugs. Drugs, files. Weapons.

Weapons, whatever. But he immediately called him and he's like, I lost my drone. Can I get my drone back? And they sent some guards up there and he got it like a week later. That's not bad. Yeah, that could have gone a lot worse. Seems like that would be a very frowned upon activity.

Spanking? A frowned upon activities? Again, I nearly brought a knife on a plane. Like, this is like two flights in a row where I forget to take my knife. I took my knife out of my pocket and my, I have a money clip with a knife in it. This is the, It looks like this. And you have to slide these things down a little bit. But the knife pulls out like that.

And I remembered to take this knife out. And I remembered to take my other knife out. But there was a knife in my backpack. And I'm like almost annoyed. Although not like overly so. Like I didn't say anything or have overt like, oh, Jesus, fuck, you know, body language. But as they pulled my backpack out of the little x-ray thing, I was like, I'm in a hurry here. Like I hope that this doesn't delay things.

And when they pulled out the knife, I was just like, I have no right to be annoyed. They're right. I'm wrong. And I keep forgetting my knives. Was it an expensive one not at all no it was a utility knife you might use in construction like you flip it open and it has a replaceable blade oh like what they used in the 9-11 hijacking yes something like that good weapon to try to get on the plane i see the first time i had a knife they made a really big

deal out of it i made a video so a lot of you probably saw but they're like so you're surrendering this knife and i'm like yeah like you can have it i don't i don't care it's not expensive like so i just want to be clear here you're surrendering this knife to me and i'm like it's like is that the right answer yeah i think so like you can have it i don't know i'm looking for any trouble um and i realized i had the knife just before i went through the x-ray machine unlike this time where the x-ray caught it and um she's like all right that's good because if you weren't surrendering this we'd have an leo situation leo law enforcement officer so uh so that's what she was saying this time around she found our knife and uh or my knife and i had this big like captain america t-shirt on

and she's like you're gonna have to use your other powers to protect this plane it's like all right and that's when i got on the flight back from boston there was like extra strenuous like security um and uh like they were they were they were like between the gate and the plane there was they were uh they were testing all those for explosives and they were they were they were like between the gate and the plane there was they were uh they were testing almost for explosives and they were testing specifically the handles of your like carry-on bag you know hey it's got that extended handle you hang on to and you drag the roller bag behind you they were testing the plastic handle they were like putting like a magnet or something or some something underneath it and like trying to see if there's something in

it i don't know what they were doing but uh they were making a very big deal of it out of it and then i i read like the next day that i guess recently uh like they found that like a high percentage of weapons were getting on the plane when when investigators would try to get a weapon on like 70 80 percent were getting through so maybe that was connected yeah maybe that was. That would make sense as to why they're all upset. They seemed really upset. The two TSA guys were arguing about how we should be tested as we were getting on the... I guess that elevated-like thing that connects the plane to the airport,

whatever that thing's called. Yeah, what is that thing called that mobile walkway thingy the ramp i have no idea but i know what you're talking about yeah it's not jetway jetway i think so that's a word thanks airplane wouldn't that be kind of fun to have that be your job, where they, like, give you a weapon and say, you have to try and get through this airport. And then if you do, you can be like, you idiots, look what I have.

And, like, unsheathe a scimitar and shot to them. A katana. We were offered that last time we were in Texas. Eric started talking to the TSA, and we all had guns anyway. So they brought it up to us, like, hey, on the way back, we could do this thing where you could attempt

to sneak one of your handguns through. And we were going to take them up on it, but we never reconnected to make all that happen. But they offered to let us do that, and I thought that would have been really, really funny. Because the whole trip, we were kind of thinking, so how do we get a gun on a plane?

Like if we actually realistically want to do it. And apparently they're going to let us try. Like how do we do it? This is a good PKA topic. So how do we get a gun on a plane? I don't know. We were talking about like putting it in a bag with a lot of like drop cords. That was my idea.

Like a 50 foot extension cord i figured like all the mesh of copper running everywhere like maybe you could stuff it in like use something to mask its signature and not try to like make a secret compartment because that's absurd but just just try to hide it from the yeah i picture like a really long mic cable and disassemble the gun so much that it doesn't resemble a gun as much as it used to like don't use a revolver which is pretty much like hard to disassemble grab a Glock or something where you can really take the action off and take it apart and make it seem not so gunny maybe put the things in different pockets yeah like if I have a one piece there and one piece here like yeah if I

have a backpack with those like miscellaneous parts in it then uh you know maybe you can get it through yeah so i thought that would have been fun and i still think would be fun especially if that like if like i'd like to try to get i definitely could get some blades on i feel like there's lots of ways to do that when uh whenever the epic mealtime guys left my house when they came down here to film that time, I had this huge SOG knife, much bigger than the SEAL Team Elite knives. It was this big, like, Rambo knife motherfucker. And

we were using it to, like, slice beef in the video or something like that. And it ended up in Muscle's Glass' bag that also had the extension cord in it. They took it on the plane. He had that on the plane, and like I said, in a bunch of extension cords, no one noticed. It made it on the plane they he had that on the plane and like i said in a bunch of extension cords no one noticed it made it all the way through to canada

canada like i'm going this this wasn't like a pocket knife this was like seven eight inch blade like just the blade alone it was a full-size big ass rambo knife is that the one you were like mashed potatoes off of or something? He actually cut his hand pretty bad with it. When he was reaching in the bag when he got home, he just grabbed the blade and jerked. Sog doesn't. Sharp, don't they?

Very sharp. Very good. Like a razor blade. Nice, SOG. You could circumcise a baby with a sog knife. And then suck the blood off. It would be a drop of blood to suck off that baby dick not with a knife as sharp as a sock i think that's on their brochure yeah i think it is yeah

we should have a show right here like um mike anything else new i want to want to know how life is going. It seems like work is good, life is good. You're playing Destiny on PC, Xbox, PS4? Xbox. Xbox what? Xbox One. Xbox One.

So you got a new console? Yeah, I hadn't played a couple. I think I got it when the first Call of Duty on Xbox One came out, maybe, whenever that was. Yeah, that's pretty much right away. So a couple years ago. Yeah, yeah. And you haven't played the last two CODs? I don't think so.

I know I haven't played the most recent one. Which one was before that? Ghost. Or Ghosts. I forget if it's plural. I might have played that one a little bit. I don't even remember. Yeah, we're about the same.

I know I didn't post anything for it. I played a little Ghosts? I might have played that one a little bit. I don't even remember. Yeah, we're about the same. I know I didn't post anything for it. I played a little Ghosts. I don't know if I post anything for it. I ended up buying it twice, I think, for Xbox One and the Xbox 360. And it looks a lot better on the newer consoles. I didn't know that there was going to be a thing. Advanced Warfare looks good. I think a lot of people, this is the time of year in

which people hate cod by now but uh to my eye like the the new movement mechanic where they jump around and such like like i i kind of give who made it uh sledgehammer you know the nod like yeah you guys definitely vary it up and took a risk you know it's not just the same cod with a new skin they they changed the gameplay quite a bit yeah i think that's why i mean i was enjoying destiny was a lot different than cod that i have been playing for five six years or whatever it was so and then destiny like there's so much customization that you can do in that game it's insane are you shooting people or ai and destiny uh both i've been so you can do in that game. It's insane. Are you shooting people or AI in Destiny? Both. So you can do like the story stuff and PvE is what they call it, or you could do the PvP and play against regular people.

But PvE, I don't know of many PvE games where like it's serious, like it's hard, it's a challenge. Borderlands, everyone wins. It's got some challenging stuff i mean you can't just really run into some of the harder things i don't think and expect to just easily get through it hmm so can you play with people who aren't on your level like like if i would hypothetically play with you would you be like no what do you can't be level one it you just uh it won't let you play like until you reach a certain level you can only play certain the gap can only be so far yeah it

can only be so big like if you're level two you can't play against like level 30 did we play borderlands together a little bit yeah yeah so you know the deal in that like if i'm more than like two or three levels from you then one of us is completely ineffective yeah destiny's similar yeah okay hmm yeah let's talk about fallout 4 at all yes i heard fallout 4 is being released i wonder if it's interesting fallout 4 is coming out in october uh for based on the leaked information that I've read. And I'm very excited about it. It's about fucking time. It looks really good, just from what we've seen. You know, from that trailer and everything.

I'm definitely going to get it on PC, and I'm going to mod it as soon as possible. And I may even pre-order. If there's any kind of a bonus to pre-ordering, I will do it as soon as that bonus is available or whatever. I'm pretty excited about it. They said the map

I read the map was three times bigger than Skyrim's map, I think. Which is gargantuan. Is that good? Yeah, that's ridiculous. That's almost bad. Yeah, right? Like, oh, it's part shooter, part hiking simulator. Well, there's stuff to do. It's dense. It's not like there's

a wasteland of nothingness it's there's an endless world of stuff to do this so that you could play this game three years and for the first time you know stumble upon a quest all the other art excuse me rpgs i play with big worlds like borderlands has a big world fallout has a big world they involve some walking when you were coaching me through fallout i walked for 40 minutes. I quit that game after that. I mean, you're at the beginning there where you're kind of doing a really quick quest mission to learn how to do basic shit. So it's just boring. Why is the beginning of a game boring?

And a really quick quest shouldn't take 40 minutes. Well, we did get lost at some point. I can't speak to that why am i lost i like i don't know why you were lost you were guiding me in video games it's a waste of time i hate implement the dead space method yes yes that doesn't work for this but because fallout like you can just walk you can just walk around and stumble upon fucking lizards and give me waypoints that are easy to find give me a compass that prevents me from having this problem that i understand that you have now i felt like the compass had six waypoints on it and i don't know

where i'm going and it was hard for me and it was hard for me to help you because like it's hard for me to tell you what to do but if i had control of it i feel like i could have like click click click click click and like disabled the missions that you didn't want any part of and only enable the mission that you were part of so you got the correct waypoints and then it would have been simpler it's really not that frustrating of a game but there is walking because you know you're traveling

from location to location but there's stuff in between it's you're always stumbling upon something I need the borderlands cars the borderlands cars would be nice in Fallout. Cars. Oh. I would like some kind of a vehicle,

but I would be okay with a bicycle, just to speed you up a little bit. That's fine. I don't know about a car. I really like the idea of you're just hiking out in the middle of nowhere by yourself, and sometimes you get ambushed, and sometimes you see them first and you can set the ambush and sometimes it's just fucking giant what are those things called these

giant wasps in the game I think they're like I don't know what they are but they're horrible Casador and fallout or fallout yeah and fallout anyway they kill you so fast the online world is very excited about Fallout 4. I'm the only person who had a bad New Vegas experience. And I live streamed it, so a fair amount of people saw it. And maybe I should pick up New Vegas again. I also have... You just barely scratched the surface.

I'm sure, but I swear, like, storylines like that, I think they're just not my cup of tea. I don't follow the storyline that much. I like maxing my character up and ranking him up and making him tougher and tougher. Like, in New Vegas, you can get medical implants that, like, just give you skill boosts. You can get, like, bionic parts and stuff like that. So you've got to go and, like, grind and do quests to get up enough money to pay this doctor to give you these medical implants and like

that's just one little thing that you could do in one of the cities in the wasteland you know you could go to the other side of the wasteland and like do DLC where you go to like some crater where like old technology all the DLC is good and you can just play endlessly like

if I got on i've played that game hundreds and hundreds of hours if i got on right now i guarantee i'd find something new just every time i do yeah that's the thing with destiny too is like there's i don't know how much you guys know about it but there's like legendary weapons and exotic weapons that are like extremely rare so if you get them like you're you feel like you're part of you know an elite group that only has those uh do you have some no i mean i have some like for example there's this gun called the gal horn which is like a rocket launcher that i don't know 20 of all players might have it which is you know pretty rare if you have millions of people playing a game 20 that's top five like one in five oh the video cut out it seemed like

that's not rare maybe it's less than 20 i don't know but you i mean you like me haven't just started playing a month ago there are people that have been playing the game since release and still haven't gotten that weapon and you literally have a chance to get it you know every time you play these certain quests or whatever so we played or we played a little bit of counter-strike go and and it has a similar mechanic every now and then it gives you I I don't know much about it but I guess it gives it gave me a golden chest and when you open the chest you get a random gun and one of them could be a unique weapon and I was like oh cool okay let's open the chest you get a random gun and one of them could be a unique weapon and i was like oh cool okay let's open this chest and it was like two dollars and fifty cents for

the key and i was like what the fuck so like i gave it the 250 bought and i got some i got it like a a green and black striped like light machine gun that's the most expensive multiplayer weapon and it's like worthless from what everyone said the nouveau or something the negev or i don't yeah i'm sure you're right something like that yeah it was in something but just a real piece of shit um chiz told me he spent 50 on keys today wow wow he said he got like 20 or 30 worth of like weapons back like that he could like because you can sell those things on the marketplace i suppose for actual real money so really he only lost 20 dollars but oh that's real money that you have to spend yeah it's a little bit like a uh an rc track investment it really doesn't pay off that well but it's fun it's fun right there are people who

make money in csgo skin trading, but I don't know how. Yeah, and probably not much. A bunch of WoodyCraft players got into it. First they were into CSGO playing, and then CSGO the game became not really the game they were playing. They liked CSGO the stock market, and that was what they were into. That makes sense. I'm not nearly good enough a player to even worry about that sort of thing. If you're a good player, I feel like you're getting lots of boxes probably. It impacted my world. Like, people are like, alright, I'll give you this skin if you buy me this rank on Woodycraft.

And they're like trading, you know, that and... like it just became part of the currency. It seems like you could get in on this, do pretty well at it then. Me? Yeah, if you were selling some WoodyCraft points or something. Marketplace, WoodyPlace. How many diamond swords could you trade for some nice Mac-10s or something?

Yeah, I feel like I would just get taken advantage of for my stupidity. Yeah, WoodyBlack is not actually a rare skin i'm quite bad at that game but occasionally i have a funny moment where i actually get the guy and it's satisfying so i don't mind playing but i certainly don't enjoy playing a whole bunch i'm still analyzing my own performance a lot i'm awful i mean that much is clear but uh it's like why i mean that i'm awful i i'm worse for sure i sure. Not last time we played, but anyway,

I walk into 2 and 3v1 sometimes into bad situations, and I swear in COD, I don't feel like I did that as much. I knew when something was dangerous, and I would try to move from cover to cover in such a way that it was usually in my favor, not all the time. But in CSGO, it would seem like five minutes a row, every engagement I got into was a bad one for me. And then my aim is awful,

and I'm not good at dealing with the recoil, so I need to go through the exercise of shooting at walls, understanding the recoil, and fixing that. There's not that many weapons in CSGO. It's not like Borderlands or something where you can never get your arms on top of it. If you just know...

I'm guessing if you knew how to use five weapons well, then you'd be in pretty good shape. Yeah, I think so too. I struggle with the submachine guns mightily. If I can get an assault rifle, then I can burst fire and do some long range shooting.

And I honestly really enjoyed using that nova pump action shotgun because it's a one hit kill and it's not that hard to hit some i can hit somebody once it's hitting somebody five times or whatever is required the the semi-auto shotgun had better range than i expected as a cod player you know you can kill with that it ranges in cod you'd be just insta-dead. But yeah, I'm still awful. The semi-auto let me down at one point, so I switched to the pump.

Yeah, my Twitch chat said the semi... No, I'm sorry. The pump was much better. But yeah, I'm not navigating the maps correctly, and I'm not aiming very well, which makes me... Anyone who's played shooters know that's not a good combo. Yeah. I think my biggest problem is, obviously that I'm completely unfamiliar with the map, but also the game.

I'm just not good at walking and aiming and shooting people, which is very important in a first-person shooter. So I'm just bad at the game. That's the simple answer. Yeah, but how is WoodyCraft going? I was totally intrigued when I found out that you had done that and we're doing that is that something that can like just continue going as long as you keep devoting your time and effort to it yeah well i mean i think it can continue going as long as any video game can

minecraft appears to be on the same trajectory as one of the longer lasting games right like um a cod game or what else lasts a long time csgo lasted super long i don't know if it'll do that halo halo world of warcraft kind of yeah um i'm sure it'll have a life cycle just like every game in the world uh right now it's doing great right right right now uh and this happened last year too. Right around finals, it seems like people pop off. And then summertime is gigantic for us. Christmas is huge for us. And then winter is big. So I'm looking forward to summer starting in a few days.

We've got a big factions reset coming up. I'm announcing it now for the first time on June, I want to say 12th. And I'm pretty excited about it a lot of servers are resetting and i know what they're doing and we've kicked everybody's ass like we just there's mine is so much better than what anyone else is doing i'm like what does that break break what does that mean it's so much better uh what are you for somebody like me that doesn't really understand that so there are new features like in 1.8, the new version, that we're implementing that nobody else has.

I felt like we were already ahead of the game. When it comes to the hardcore faction servers, not hardcore, that's a specific thing, but the faction servers that attract elite players were the best in the world, and it's not that close. And a bunch of people are resetting for the start of the summer. It's like the time to be. And I know what's in their feature sets and I know what's in ours.

And I'm pretty excited about what's in ours. I have a list here, actually. Are you still getting pretty consistent growth? Regular growth? So it's not just growth I look at, growth is a big deal it's uh i look at our comparative positions you know like so right now in finals week you know we're not as big as we were say christmas vacation right because because that's a thing but um when i look at all our our peers like we're still bigger than the servers that were supposed to be bigger than and stuff like that so on with 1.8 a lot of servers have messed up the

cannons in factions and ours works great we have the new we're gonna have the mob arena we have the new mobs which are like the the bad guys in Minecraft the AI we have slime blocks coming in rabbit spawners new entities we have banners implemented we have sponges that insta-break. The 1.8 blocks are freaking glorious in ours. We're putting buttons on top of blocks. We still support 1.7 clients for the

hardcore PVPers. PVP got worse. Taylor, it's on your mic. When you move to the 1.8 client, which some of our competitors are requiring, PVP, like sword fighting the other players, sucks. And we still support the 1.7 clients for people that want to do that. We have a dynamic view distance. This is someone that no one else in the world does.

So by spawn, you have a really long line of sight. You can see 10 blocks away or 10 chunks away. And then out in the world, you just see three chunks away, which is good because there's automated clients that will like catch who's you can sneak raid people so we have like there's some pros and cons to having a really huge view distance and a short one and we do both we're huge by spawn and short outside of spawn um we've got all we got new crates we have stat tracker items like in cs go and uh we've had stat tracker items before but once you died you lost it now it'll be like a kit where you can get a new one and anyway it is we're killing it we're doing better than anyone at this thing so I'm

pretty excited about June 10 June 12 how big is your world like the conglomerate of all the different worlds compared to like a Skyrim or something like that I so the Minecraft world is, if you don't limit it, is bigger than anybody else's. It's bigger than Earth by like 13 or 20 times or something like that.

It's really, really big. But we put a world border on there and the reason we do that is so that players run into each other. If you were to make the world as big as it could be, then you'd be able to just set a base out, four days walk away, and no one would ever find you or raid you or fight you or steal your shit. And one of the things it takes, like one of the things in a faction server,

a big faction server is more interesting than a small one because there's all this Minecraft talk. Because you need someone to play against right like imagine an empty cot you know where you like some of the games you fire up and you just can't find anyone to shoot like that would suck and so we have a busy faction server and that's it's almost like there are a lot of businesses eBay comes to mind where the only reason eBay is interesting is because everybody else is on eBay the only reason Craigslist is cool is because everybody else is already on

Craigslist. If you fired up Merca's list tomorrow, then you know, the sellers on there wouldn't be able to find any buyers because there's just not enough people. And, and that's one of the reasons that, you know,

Woody craft is fun to play on because there will be people there all the time. If you hop out of spawn, you'll find a fight. And yeah. So anyway, we're, we're killing it. We're doing really really well you guys are the best right now uh so we're the best faction server in the world right now um our mini games are really good but there are much bigger mini game servers

than we are and it's one of the we made a halo mini game that looks amazing that's awesome uh yeah you should see it but uh like. But we did all these custom resources. So in Minecraft, you know everything looks like Minecraft. We made our own resource packs. There's energy swords in it where people can slay each other with those things. There's no guns in Minecraft, but there's guns in our Minecraft in Halo because we just changed out the skins and built our own models for it. We did a really cool thing. So yeah, Woodycraft is freaking crushing it right now and I can't models for it. We did a really cool thing. So yeah, WoodyCraft is freaking crushing it right now,

and I can't wait for summer. Awesome. Very cool. So is that a show? I think so. All right. OnSlot, so thank you for coming. I appreciate it.

Yeah, good to catch up with you, man. No problem. I wasn't as talkative as I would have liked to have been I've got uh I'm right outside of our bedroom so I've tried to kind of keep it limited so from now on again I'll be a little more have you considered calling your wife while she's asleep and putting her

on speaker she has sent me a few texts so and you'll notice there are people that have been watching the stream you'll notice me looking over to the side quite a bit as she came out and gave me a scowl. My apologies. Next time I'll be better prepared. PKA 233.

Thanks, everybody. Yep.