Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #236

Episode Date: July 2, 2015

This week on PKA, Tucker joins the guys again! Doing an interesting "AmIAnAsshole" segment from reddit, Gay Marriage legalization discussion and more fun talk.

And we're live! Painkiller already episode 236 with our guest Jericho. This episode of PK is brought to you by Authors on Acid, the latest and greatest and the funniest new game to be sweeping your app store today. So, check out Authors on Acid, there's a link in the description, and we'll talk more about them later in the show. There's a code on the side you can scan while you're watching us. Yes, you can. It's not a code to give you a discount because it's free be a fool not to download all right so where do we want to go to next what were we just talking about before the show i remember we talked about the shredders my dog um we went a lot of places

gay people ah it's totally my fault so i wasn't ready to do the show on time i had some woody craft emergency i had to deal with and these guys have just been riffing for like an hour and a half. Waiting for me. Could've been playing Counter-Strike. Well, Bronze. I was playing Counter-Strike. I played a little Civ if I'm being honest. I sat here uncomfortably.

I played with my auto-blow. Oh. Yes. I'm still, I'm still, that's like the first time that I, I didn't even know that kind of product like existed like I thought that Was what I like yeah, dude. I've got you know I've got myself like look at that thing. It's What kind of doll penis has been in there I Wish they would just make it what's that like what kind of doll hold it back up Kyle cuz I want

I I know it looks like it looks like a bigger fleshlight What kind of doll does it look like dolls mouth DOLL? Yeah, I what do you mean? What kind of dolls mouth you're walking through a store and you see children's dolls as I'm sure you often do as we all do What kind of mouth does that look like? What kind of doll? I don't know. It looks like a fish to me. I don't know what kind of what you're insinuating. It looks like a cabbage patch kid is

sucking your cock. Here's the thing, is I've never been face-to-face with a cabbage patch kid enough to analyze its lips. Oh, I've never sexually fantasized about cabbage patch. I'm sorry I'm so morally superior to you Taylor mr. fucking cabbage patch masturbator strawberry shortcake I'm sure yeah we were talking about a segways Billy Mays dead people yeah right into all i want to i do want to say the last

two times i've come on here i've been forced to watch like really terrible things like really miserable things so it'd be awesome if we had one episode where i didn't see somebody or multiple people get murdered in front of my eyes i offer no guarantees no guarantees we're gonna end up there somebody's getting burned alive. Great. I'm ready. So I guess you want to talk about gay marriage first? I was going to say some what I consider to be good news. We could do a happy topic.

So the Supreme Court just ruled that gay people can get marriage. And it is now, if I understand this right, the law of the land across all of america nearly permanently yeah yes actually there's no way to repeal it without like uh what is it it's a constitutional vote they have to do like some crazy amendment right yeah it's like a 70 30 crazy shit yeah it might even be more with that more than that might be like 80 20 i don't know i guess the supreme court could rule again in the future though if you know the justices change. You get more conservative and fewer liberal justices. I actually don't think that's possible.

I don't think the Supreme Court can then, like, just be like, yo, by the way, about that ruling, like, let's just take that one up. That's not a thing? Like, you couldn't overturn Roe v. Wade with another Supreme Court ruling? I feel like you could. Well, it's either to be one way. It's either got to be a constitutional amendment

or it's got to be another vote by the Supreme Court. One of those things has to... Because they've changed things. There are amendments and such. Yeah, I just figured the only way you could do it was with a constitutional amendment. We need to go back and watch that cartoon. I'm just a bill.

We need to go back through there and pay fucking attention this time so we can figure this mess out. And not just get off my tv i want to see you incredible hulk in any case maybe that's uh yeah it's great news for like for for everyone i think and it was about time because i don't know if you pay attention to like uh reddit but every time some lesser country if you if you take my drift uh would legalize gay marriage i'd be like they're leaving us behind yeah like ireland and mexico and like canada's had it for 10 years they're just like all right cool guys i feel like saudi arabia and egypt are gonna do it and we're still lagging behind it's just like it's embarrassing so it was i had a scottish guy so we did the woody craft team

building event and one of the guys i flew in was from Scotland and our general consensus was that like in terms of social issues were maybe 10 to 15 years behind the UK but in terms of like some economic stuff and of course military stuff we lead the way so yeah so yeah Terry whoo that's our swinging dick really is a like wouldn't it be, not good, but wouldn't it be a little bit funny if new groups started popping up like, one step closer, I want to marry my toaster, I want to marry my horse, I want to marry my bullfrog, which is like- Gotta be careful there. See, that's the argument that conservatives will sometimes make, and it infuriates anyone

who's gay because it's like you could are you compare what i do with my with my husband to fucking a dog and it's like well no no i'm not i'm not i'm just saying like where do you draw the line but yeah i think i don't think we draw it anywhere i think if you want to marry a turtle marry a turtle like you're not gonna affect me go fuck your car's tailpipe like that's a thing you want to do if that makes you happy go for it i'm a little more judgy in this thing i i feel like whatever it is you're fucking like we should get its consent look once you put a ring on that or feather or whatever that's that's your business okay now let's break that down like with the hoof

thing and you guys have heard this before, with the hoof thing, probably whatever you're fucking has to be into it. Well, it's a baby deer. What if you're a baby deer fucker? I don't even want to get into like, pedophilia with animals. Like you're just watching Fampy just really stroking it? I don't want this to be a thing. You're that guy. I was gonna say with Woody, what I was, you know, I was just being sarcastic. There's like a very clear line, and it's like, is the thing a human being? Well, then it can't legally sign this document.

So there's not even like an argument for it. Like you might love it, but like you're not getting. I don't need a stick. But they're not even talking about like the like, is it okay? It's just like in the eyes of the law, you get the benefits of other married, traditional married couples. So it's like if your person's dying, go to the deathbed. But they're not going to let a horse in the eyes of the law you get the benefits of other married traditional married couples so it's like if your person dying go to the deathbed but they're not gonna let a horse in the ER you just put the paw oh now you're being specious I'm you're right I am fuck your horse Woody but only in your own time in

your own business I can't fuck my horse I'm still in the refractory period from the previous time don't fuck your horse in front of my children i feel like uh certain animals you should be able to marry like if you wanted to marry a dolphin i'd be cool with that or a gorilla i definitely would like panda no well i mean somebody needs to be fucking someone needs to fuck a panda right but like that's fucking if you want to fuck a panda like go for it like if you i mean but the panda's gotta like come on to you i'm just saying like marriage for like, there is no art.

It's just it. What it is is it's, are you allowed to have the same benefits as like a married couple, which is like, you know, tax benefits and like, uh, you know,

ability to go see people in their deathbed. It's not even like, uh, is it right to be able to marry a dolphin? It's just in no way, shape or form. Will dolphin ever be able to be granted the right to go into a hospital a long ruse to get free admission to sea world yeah my wife is in there yeah it's just like i mean clearly i think the line should be drawn at people

like is it a person trying to marry yeah then go for it who gives a shit like finally finally there's no longer this big smoke screen that the media can throw up every time anything that's divisive about the economy or our military spending where they're like oh fuck people are catching on gay marriage poof i feel like this is you're right though taylor i feel like this is another area in which the united states is lagging like i, I think in Ireland and New Zealand, they're fucking sheep on the regular. Whoa, Scotland. Yeah, time out. There's a lot of Irish.

There's no Scottish viewers that watch this. I guarantee it. They're all Irish. Kyle, back me up on the Irish thing. People don't have internet yet. That's a fact. It's true. Too busy fucking sheep.

We've actually blocked it so that Irish people can't watch the show anymore. We had it up to here with their bullshit and we just didn't want their fucking business anymore to get where I'm coming from. But we're okay with New Zealanders. We serve the right to reserve service to any and all. New Zealanders fuck sheep too

but they're like cool though because they're like Australia's brothers. Yeah, we don't mind sheep fuckers around here but no Irish. No Scottish. The Irish are cool. Kyle hates the Irish. Kyle hates people who don't live in this country, to be fair. Right?

Well, I mean, you can't trust those people. No, you can't. I didn't know that New Zealanders were known. I didn't know it was a stereotype that they had intercourse with farm animals. It's an ISIS thing too now, right? Like, I feel like there's been repeated videos coming from, like, the heat-sensing, like,

Apache, like, videos of, like, Taliban and ISIS guys fucking animals. Lots of goats. I don't think it would take me long to find it on YouTube. Per frame, that's the most expensive porn ever shot. Yeah.

From a Blackhawk helicopter. Using their board and looking at the red. You're not wrong, though. A million dollars a second, yeah. That's great, though. That's, like, that's tax dollars at work. Somebody had to legitimately, like, call that out to their superior. Like, we have two people unidentified.

Like, I think one's a sheep they're going like he had to live commentate sheep fucking on his millions of dollars of infrared technology flying from a death machine like that's what he had to do with his life but yeah what i remember seeing about that oh wow like he probably said something like got a couple of sheep fuckers and the guy on the other end was like hey Lord dude like stop with the racial awfulness, and he's like no literally. I we have two people fucking You found one also Don't know can we watch mine? Yes

They don't fuck around with the name Taliban has fun with donkey Zero I'm just trying to get the picture I can't wait to watch a grown man have sex was that saying 90 seconds ago about not wanting to watch something yeah what is this I was gonna say it's taking us eight minutes and we're already here we've already arrived at animal sex three one play Taliban scum meets his match. Do they have music? They have sound effects. Yeah, sound effects.

They have music! What am I listening to music-wise here? This is brilliant. Oh, it's really romantic. He's getting into it. Look, you can see. He's leaning back. Look at the indifference that that animal has. Oh, wow wow they're walking

No, it's walking. It's just really getting up in there Does it even notice who is playing their audio through the speakers? I am NOT Okay, this is music and then it's quick montage of people dying Heavy metal why you watch 30 people die! Nanananananananana! Like, that's all it is. It's like a 42nd outro. I feel like this is their standard outro. They stick on every video. Just like

death, death. Their next video... Oh, this is not their next video. It's a different channel. That bolstered Woody's opinion about animal fucking. Because that wasn't like pinning a chicken down. That thing did not even notice what was happening. It didn't care. It was

walking actively. At one point, it kind of leaned back like it was going to nip at him, I thought. Like, hey, stop fucking me. I feel like he was just playing hard to get a little bit. Like, if that donkey didn't want it, he could have prevented that, right? Yeah, he could have kicked, he could have galloped.

You know, lots of things were on the table there. I mean, it was an implicit consent, I suggest. If you're running around naked in a seal, someone's gonna fuck you. So I have a video here that... What'd you say? If a donkey's running around all sexy like that, someone's gonna fuck it? Exactly. It wasn't wearing anything. It was like, Who is this tail to and fro?

Listen, you can't say that the way it's dressed is how you know that it's asking for just because it's not wearing clothes okay it's what nature intended it to wear you know what you're right jericho i apologize for my inappropriate remarks thank you that donkey is as sentient as any animal that deserves i think that's a mule and it needs to be pleasure well at least it's not gonna have a baby so i I have a video when we were talking about the Irish and how well you know they're just awful and this video came to mind so if you skip to 25 seconds this is a little quick scene from Blazing Saddles which is a real classic. It is. Good movie. All right I'm ready I'm 25. Is everybody else? Yep. 3, 2, 1, play.

Oh, no. Well, shucks. Can we start over? I accidentally pressed a bad button. I'm at 25. I'm sorry. I have buttons on the side of my mice and I can screw it up. 3, 2, 1, play. Alright. We'll give some land

to the niggers and the chinks. But we don't want the Irish. one play Jesus I was not ready for that one. Like, I was not prepared for it. But we don't want the Irish. I love that. That's a great movie. If you've never seen Blazing Saddles, it's a must watch. It's a complete parody, though. Like, you can't go into it thinking that it's a serious western.

Because it's not. Right? It's Mel Brooks, right? How bad was the anti-irish racism when they first came to the country i saw like pictures of old-timey shops where the placard on the outside and like i don't know like 19 teens it was like whites 10 cents a day blacks five cents a day irish need not apply well it's like it's like the hate for like his or like it's like the hate for hispanic people and like the deep you know the deep south i think it's pretty comparable where they're like just they have that like deep-seated

irrational hate for somebody but it's not like they're not i'm gonna be honest like it's not the black versus white hate they're not off color, they're not different color enough to be like, yo, it's your skin. It's just like, you're different. Fuck you, dude. It's just like the Irish and the, what was it? I feel like most of us down here have accepted the Hispanic population. Have you? Yeah, yeah.

We all like Taco Bell, of course. So we're big fans of that. Yeah, pretty easy. We all like Taco Bell, of course, so we're big fans of that. They use that to kind of win our hearts and minds with that little fucking dog and everything. Since that's happened, I'm on board. What did the Irish win, like beer? Just like after the prohibition, the Irish were like,

yo, we have a lot of beer. The Irish don't sway meat with their bullshit. I couldn't say, frankly. I'm not sure why they've become so accepted. I couldn't say. Kyle, what could the Irish do to win your favor? If you say nothing, then you're just

a bigot. You have to give them an out. Virtual reality porn. If they would renounce their U.S. citizenship, find themselves passage back to their home country as they call it, and reapply for citizenship so that we can evaluate them Irishman by Irishman to see if they're actually worthy of coming over here. I think that would do it.

Then I could forgive Ireland and perhaps see eye to eye with an Irishman, but not until that day comes, no. So you want to send them back to their home country, as they call it. Yeah, I want to vote them up. That sounds so funny. Ship them back. Well, I think England should probably just go in there and mush all that up, take it for their own, and then maybe they could get those barbarians underfoot like they did in

other places in the world. Damn. That's true. A lot of areas with Irish men. They call it prima nocta. Is that what they call it? When the nobleman gets first sexual rights with your wife if they get married under your jurisdiction.

Maybe you could breed the Irishman out. Like what's his name? Tried to do with the Scots back in the day. Oh, from Braveheart. Yeah. William Wallace? The King. The King. William Wallace was...

The whole thing was that William Wallace didn't want his wife, bride... Oh, that was the thing. I forgot. Yeah, his wife got taken for wedding or first rites. No! And then he got racked. I read up on that. And I was trying to find that after the last time I watched Braveheart, which was probably eight years ago.

And I couldn't find anything. I don't think that was a real thing. It was a real thing. That the king actually went and fucked all these women. That's a lot of stamina. I do remember that. It's not the king. It's the nobleman that they were going to put in charge over those lands in particular.

I don't think it was everyone. It was the ones they wanted. They could call upon that rule to fuck your bitch. If it was a good-looking one, though. They weren't going to be like, I'm obligated to fuck your bitch yeah it was like a good looking one though so they weren't gonna be like i'm obligated to fuck your 400 pound heifer like they had the fucking peggy potato head over here i gotta get the deed done like that did not happen it totally is a thing though it's it's i may be pronouncing it slightly wrong but i think it's prima nocta or something like that yeah i don't think that happened in real life.

I'm not saying prima nocta or crema nocta or whatever it is actually never happened, but I don't think that's what the William Wallace deal was. Mel Gibson wouldn't lie. Yeah, Mel Gibson wouldn't lie. He tells the truth about everything. One day,

everybody's going to wake up and see that. William Wallace wife sex. We'll see what... You think Mel Gibson's ever going to make a comeback? Is there any way for him to come back after those crazy, drunken, anti-Semitic, racist, homophobic, and misogynistic

remarks? He got old when nobody was looking. Like, you know, when I picture Mel gibson i picture braveheart i picture lethal weapon stuff like that but if you were to see a current image of him think like gary bucey or something like he's fucked ah come on you're so harsh you're like gary bucey think gary bucey has brain damage come on you! You're right, he does. Yeah, he got in a motorcycle accident. Oh, I thought it was just crazy.

No, he used to be normal. He had a motorcycle accident, no helmet, smashed his head on the curb, brain damage, and they just let him keep acting. That's why he's so fucking nuts. But he like, he like owns it. He like knows he's nuts though, so he just owns it.

But he's pretty smart about it. He like knows he's nuts though. So he just owns it. He owns it. But he's pretty smart about it. I'm fucked. That's just TED talk. By the way. You made a TED talk? Yeah, he does. The wiki says that Wallace reunites with his childhood friend and then they get married in secret so she doesn't have to spend the night with the local English lord.

It's not like the catalyst for anything, but it's like a notable plot point. So, I guess it was like a thing. Oh yeah, in the movie, that's totally like the main part of the plot. Like, there's this whole scene where the king is having this meeting about the Scots, and the bride, the French girl, comes in,

and he kind of says in front of her, he's like, let's introduce Prima Nocta. If we can't control the Scots, we'll breed them out. I'm sure you're right. The Scottish guy, Ethan, who was at my house this week, he hates that movie.

He's very proud of Scotland, and the historical inaccuracies of Braveheart just infuriate him. So I referred to it as a documentary all week long. Let me tell you why he a documentary all week long let me see why he's wrong all right so here's why he's wrong okay like i know going in there's tons of historical inaccuracies and at the very least william wallace wasn't present at all those battles at the very least let the inaccuracies don't end there but it's sort of uh you know, it's focused on a Scottish hero, a guy who really did do some great things for Scotland.

And they, you know, it's Hollywood, but you should still be proud of it. Like when I see Daniel Boone or Davy Crockett, you know, represented in a movie, I see John Wayne up there. I don't think like that's not how he did it. Come on. You're disgracing his legacy. I think, well, you know, they're doing their best to make a hero out of this guy who's from where i'm from so i think it's a great movie i love brave heart and if you really want to enjoy enjoy brave heart uh it whether you've never seen it before or you've seen it a bunch of times there's a fan edit that i don't remember what it's called

but many consider it to be a superior version and basically they put the end of the movie no spoilers the very end of the movie that thing that happens they put the end of the movie, no spoilers, the very end of the movie that thing that happens, they put that It came out in like 1997. Yeah, this movie's so old, nobody's gonna be like fuck Kyle! Spoilers! We'll spoil Game of Thrones

that came out a few hours earlier. You spoil the book. Mel Gibson's character dies at the end and in the re-edit they put that at the beginning of the story so you see him die and then the rest of the story is is all uphill from there and if you watch it that way i think it's more enjoyable because you don't get like this right the arc is different you don't like peek and then oh shit they're oh oh oh oh i feel terrible and that's okay and then the mood and then credits you go from all this is

going to be intense all they did that to him why why and then for its uphill from there we better like how do they they racked them they explained that they go back in time and this is what happened yeah yeah yeah okay is the way you laid it out you're like well first they kill him and then he rises from the dead just play movies backwards and it's a really uplifting tale like yeah it's all a prank video once where um some guy built made a dvd of Toy Story 3 for his mom.

And if you guys, I'm going to ruin Toy Story 3, so be prepared for a spoiler. In Toy Story 3, there's a part where all the toys are headed down into Incinerator, and it's awful. It looks truly hopeless. I cried. Yeah, I cried at that part. I was like...

I drug it out for like five minutes. I'm like, fuck, just kill my friends. drug it out for like five minutes I'm like yeah I just killed my friends and it really seemed like they weren't gonna get out even though it's a Pixar Disney film like you're like these guys are fucked there's really no getting out of this and And then the guy cuts the movie there and it just credits it goes to credit it goes to credits He doesn't have music and say I think he changed the music from you got a Friend in me to like boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom oh and she's crying she's upset it was great great you'd hear like a whale from every theater dude when when that incinerator part was going through i distinctly remember thinking but it's a pixar movie and then i go yeah but like you know like this legitimately how in the world like

they'd have to have some divine intervention bullshit and then i'm like but the movie's been going on for like an hour and a half and that's really long for a pixar movie it's we're wrapping up right now and i was like oh my god they're gonna kill off my fight one's gonna survive and he's gonna be like burnt with no arm just like it wasn't worth the risk but like you know by the way not as if they haven't like killed off or done like weren't there like a couple like where's bo where did bo go right all the army people were gone you're right you know like sold them off and shit on the like yard sale yeah the difference him selling off his toys and him mutilating or having them burned alive like there's no way they

were going to end a pixar movie like that and then have a blank screen with the credits like the dramatic ending of game of Thrones episodes. It's just silence and you're like, hmm. I hate that. That's pain. I feel like Game of Thrones needs to more occasionally, it needs to go dark and then come back and give us five

more seconds. I don't want the old Lord of the Rings fake out where I am like I love that. Once a year. Once a year it needs to come back on and show off maybe one of the many characters that they should have been focused on this year but just weren't for whatever reason like come back on and show me Bran like riding a fucking Tyrannosaurus or like you know something crazy show me something I want that you don't want too many of those fade to black and then come back scenes because it's tacky like you remember the

end of the Lord of the Rings the Return of the king movie where i love that series and i like the books and even i at the end of that was like oh thank god and it's not over you got a whole other half hour of them you know i loved it so much that i'm very forgiving of that because i remember being in the theater and the first time you think it's over i was like oh it's over and then the second time you think the movie's over you're like oh think it's over i was like oh it's over and then the second time you think the movie's over you're like oh man it's over it's really done now and then the third time you're like oh this is really softening the blow here like like this is like a breakup with someone that like goes over the course of a week it's like little by little there it's ending

the movie for you and by the end you're like well i guess they really wrapped that up like i wonder what what what all the minor characters are doing like i feel like they should have had this part at the end where the credits are rolling but it's like like each of the minor characters and like a quick biography like he went on and like started his own gold mine and every every like sports movie like he later went on and graduated from college and went nowhere. He's working at Dairy Queen. Yeah. Sports movies where one guy will jump up in an action scene

and freeze it and it's like, Ted Daniels went on to run a branch at Monsanto. He comes up and is high-fiving. He died in an Oldsmobile crash in the fall. He goes on cocaine that night. That's my fun point. Yeah, like, cocaine that night is a thing.

But listen, yeah, they'll be like, a lot of them go on to be super winners, right? Like, this guy's a doctor at the local emergency center. This guy went on to be a senator of Massachusetts. This guy is currently unemployed, hoping to get a job as a lumberjack. And it's like, oh. Wolverineine It's tough to be that guy well, but like honestly the remember the remember the Titans again spoiler alert from a movie That's been years whatever dude like dude's best friend

Gets paralyzed from the waist down and he was like yeah like fucking heartbreaking. Like everybody's celebrating fucking the T-bone. Like you're just like, this is the worst way to do it, man. Watches the team win from like the hospital bed and he can't walk again. And then it's like, he went on to win a gold medal in the Paralympics. And then it's like, you're like, yeah. And then it's like the other guy was like, yeah,

was like number one draft pick for college and like went on to NFL. And then one of the guy was like, yeah, was like, number one draft pick for college and, like, went on to NFL. And then one of the dudes was like, is currently, like, working at a, working at, like, a children's, like, a children's rehabilitation center for, like, the last six months. And you're like, wow, that was a real, like, notch down from everybody else there. Put that one in and then work your way up. Did you see Basketball Diaries? No. No, sounds awful.

Oh, do I have the name right? Basketball Diaries? Basketball Diaries. It sounds like a really shitty ESPN special. Basketball Diaries? Good sports documentary is Red Army. You guys should all watch Red Army. That is incredible.

It's about the Soviet Union. I told you to watch that. I don't give a fuck. The only thing I care about is America winning. No, they did win in 1980. I know. I watch Miracle over and over, but only the ending block. This is from the Russian point of view.

Yeah. Do you get to feel crushing defeat and hopelessness and the fall of the USSR with that loss? Because I'll watch it. A little bit, yeah, yeah. But you appreciate how hardcore they were, too. appreciate like how hardcore they were too you see how hard They are pretty metal where it's like the u.s. Team is treated like royalty a lot of the time when they win or if they lose like you know you did a great Job represent your country the Russians like if they lost they were scared that their family go missing

Have you seen hoop dreams Whoop dreams sounds way more familiar dude Dude, Hoop Dreams is incredible. Sounds like a Coolio song. What they do is they find these two, like, inner city basketball players. They're black. And they both show, like, tremendous promise. And the high schools are recruiting them. Oh, thanks, honey.

And they follow them throughout their entire high school career. And it's live. It's, like, it's not like school career. And it's live. It's not like a show. And it's not live, but it's real. And it's amazing. The one guy, they both get recruited to this private basketball school, but one doesn't hit puberty enough, so he gets kicked off the team. He doesn't hit puberty soon enough.

And then the other one goes on. He's breaking Isaiah Thomas' records, who also went to this select private high school. And then his knee gets jacked up, and he's only three-quarters of the player that he used to be. Meanwhile, the one that hit puberty late is leading his team to the all-city

whatever, and the coach is like, I wish we had you right now. Those are so crazy, man. It was incredible. But it doesn't end well. No, both of them end up not doing well. When they would come back from a loss and the coach would be yelling at them and then walk up to a guy who failed and be like,

Igor, you did not score today. Nikolai had two assists. Maybe Nikolai get your potato. And like, just... They didn't give a shit. treated them like garbage like you see how they trained in the summertime when there was no ice yeah they're at the beach moving these rocks they're just like moving rocks around like picking a rock up and carrying it over there old school fucking rocky for trading where he's like carrying wood in like russian winter

yeah they're lamenting how like they didn't like training in the summer because they just had to carry the fucking rocks and shit like that. Like these bits would have been when we have ice. Yeah, no shit. It's a hockey team. It's like, you know, we carry ice to make our hands faster for shooting. It's like we carry rocks because there's nothing else to do. That's how it was. And their coach was just ridiculous. That's a really good documentary.

I liked it a lot. There's a lot of like, what ifs with North Korea during the World Cup when North Korea played and they got like shit stomped like eight to one or something like that. And like a couple players defected because they were so scared they were it was like in france they just like stayed there they were like we're not going home we're gonna die like we just lost eight to one we're fucked and i'm like yeah you know what playing for an oppressive dictatorship probably sucks a dick like there's no good scenario for you i mean keep your family locked up there how do they train today how do they

practice against other teams? You know, like if you're American, at least you kind of know where you stand and what it takes to be an elite soccer player or football player. If you're in North Korea, good luck. Yeah. It doesn't make – like there's no – they're just playing the next best. No one wants to come play with us. Actually, that's not true though.

North Korea actually gets a ton of American basketball teams. The Globetrotters. Dennis Rodman hooks them up a bunch. The Globetrotters don't count. The Globetrotters don't count as an American basketball team though. They're all pretty goddamn good basketball players though. Even though they do like bullshit shit, you know they still can shoot. But there's not a North Korean basketball team that gets to, you know, have regular practice against the Globetrotters through some-

Yeah there is! I swear to God, there's a whole Vice documentary on this bullshit. I love that the North Koreans- I just cracked my voice. They just, like, see how they stack up against the Globetrotters. But that's what's funny. Uh, yeah, so- Playing that style of basketball, everybody's spinning balls, like- Yeah. They get into major competition, they're like- they're all trying to- Do-do-do a six foot eight black guy. He's just fucking dunking on him.

Get the fuck out of here with that. Rodman fucking sets up basketball games and then ships out like top academy teams to North Korea to play their team. Rodman's out of his fucking gourd. Yeah, but he's bros with a dictator. So like, that's pretty cool. Yeah. And at what point is the dictator like, I think I'll cut your head off today, Mr. Rodman. Yes, we'll cut your head off.

Bring the snips. True, but Rodman's so bad at this game. I wonder how crazy he is. That's what I want to know. Or if he even is crazy, right? He wouldn't be the first country to get nuclear power and then suddenly get America's

respect. There's more than one way to become a global player, and one of them is inventing a nuke and then just being like, alright, now we want more favorable trade terms, whatever. Didn't really work out well, though. Not so far. But like, what was I going to say? Oh, oh, every time

America has a conflict with someone, the first thing they tell us is that that guy is a madman. That that country is led by a madman. They did it with Saddam Hussein. They did it, I mean, remember what they said about the French thing they tell us is that that guy is a madman. That that country is led by a madman. They did it with Saddam Hussein. They did it... I mean, fuck, they were... Remember what they said about the French

when they didn't want to fight Iraq with us? I don't because I was too young for it, but I bet you... They renamed French fries in the capital Freedom Fries. I remember that. They literally passed a law. Like, they... I literally did that. The Senate voted on it.

That's so bad. bad remember my lunch yeah I want a pizza and french fries or whatever like remember Freedom Prize fuck yourself and give me the same thing I so depressing that's a thing I find the Declaration of Independence to no no the um the Pledge of Allegiance depressing the foot like it there's a lot of that that like makes me gives up I find the Declaration of Independence... No, no, no. The Pledge of Allegiance depressing. There's a lot of that that makes me... Gives up really uncomfortable culty vibes. I'm just like, if anybody...

If we weren't one of the prime powers, everybody would look at us like we're just... Hitler-esque kind of crazy repetitive... It's weird. I hate it. They all get up and synchronized pledge allegiance to the flag with their hands over their hearts. This is serious Hitler shit. We did it in school every day, Mike.

Forever. I bet everyone here knows it. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all. And that's exactly what it's about. May God strike me down if I do not enforce his will upon the lesser men of the land, the black and the Jew. You guys didn't do this part? No. That's just George's.

Only if I can't. That's just you, man. It's going to be like that Sith ending where it's like, strike me down. I will come back more powerful than you can imagine. Yeah, we did that every day. We looked at the flag, the whole thing. I would not salute, or I would just sit there with my hands down,

kind of protest. You get in trouble for that shit. What a rebel. I'm kind of a big deal. No, I mean, but at the same time, in church, I wouldn't sign up at the cross or say the Our Father stuff, because, I i mean low-key back when i was like 12 i was just like this is really like this is culty like this makes me feel weird

like i've seen youtube cult documentary videos where people act the same way and i'm like looking around and everybody's like just zombie like and that was like one of the big factors that i don't want to go on a religious tangent that got me kind of separated from that whole culture. So I just thought it was just really weird that there were so many similes between, you know, the Pledge of Allegiance and like. So did you have to do like the Our Father, Our Heaven, Hallowed Be Thy Name? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but everybody did it like monotone.

They changed it to singing finally because it literally sounded like you were reading from a manuscript and everybody's just like all right here's my soul today like like take me like oh god well see you have to do that because the priest needs some energy to build off of because he's about like goku's spirit bomb he's just like our father like yes you know latin yeah he needs someone to he needs an opener for his act. That's exactly what it is. So, all right. So I wanted to talk about the paintball thing real quick. So many of you know you came to our last paintball event a couple months ago that we did in Chicago. We're doing another one, and it's kind of coinciding with a big scenario game that they're also having there that weekend.

So it's July 11th and 12th. Those are the two days we're going to be out there. On the weekend, so it's July 11th and 12th those are the two days We're gonna be out there on the 11th. It's good. It's gonna be our group. It's gonna be FPS Russia and Pka fans Playing together, so we'll probably probably be able to do some small games And you'll get to play with us and be more of a one-on-one Scenario type thing and then the next day like I said they're having their big scenario game which is scenario type thing. And then the next day, like I said, they're having their big scenario game, which is World at War.

And I think a lot of people know they've got a map that looks exactly like Nuketown. So that kind of plays into it. They open all the fields up, make it one giant field and I don't know how many players there are going to be, but maybe a thousand versus a thousand, that sort of thing. And as I look at it right now on pbbomb.com,

where you can pre-register if you want, they've stacked the fucking deck against us and it's bullshit. All right? Wait, what? They've stacked the deck against us. So there's two teams. There's the resistance and the coalition. I'm not sure exactly what that means or whatever, but there's two teams in this scenario game.

You and I are on one team with Mr. H from hk army who i didn't know was really a player i thought he's just kind of like their hype guy and camera guy i mean he's a nice guy i've met him a bunch of times watching that this is horseshit like like okay so i know mr h he's like he's he's funny he's goofy he makes humorous paintball videos but if you need a ringer he's probably not the guy you call. And he doesn't bring others with him. He doesn't have a group that come with him. Right. He makes funny paintball videos.

There's another guy, Akimbo Assassin. I really like him. I saw him again at the last trip. He shoots pistols. He carries like 10 bullets with him. He's very good at what he does which is killing like 10 people it us who play i i don't know mad frog i don't know this gentleman or pistol pete do you know them i i do know pistol pete he's the guy who uh who 3d printed me uh that cool camera setup and that big magazine uh he's a good player, but once again, he usually plays like Magfed or Pistols or something like that. The real issue is that on the other team,

Wolf is there, and Wolf brings a bunch of guys with him, and they're very coordinated. This Necro guy, I don't know what he does or anything, but I've seen him at the events. I think he's friends with Kitty. He's a nice guy. He also is a good player. The Skelet guy is just whatever you know they're just individuals but the real problem is that Mike Phillips the guy who runs tech PB is gonna be there and he is like the ultimate paintball tryhard Mike is so hardcore when it comes to paintball he's

doing wind sprints for you know leading up to events and stuff this is a 40 plus year old man who takes paintball as serious as anyone in the world. And he's probably going to have, I don't know, 20, 30, 40 players with him that are all coordinated and motivated. So, we need as many

of you fans out there as possible to come and play with us so that maybe we don't get our asses kicked too bad. And maybe we'll get to beat Mike, which would be really wonderful. Maybe we can get wolf to join our team i don't i don't think that's fun they already printed the thing out i love this they really stacked the table against us here this is this is damn it you romeo so um oh i have a thing though so here's the deal in paintball the the like mechanically i don't know that the better guns make a big difference. We have had seven or eight people beat 70 or 80 people because we had,

you know, so much more firepower. I would pre-register so that you get the good guns. If you get the shake and bake Tippman thing, 98. Yeah. It's not the same experience. So pre-registering will make you get the gun that you really want.

Something to consider. Yeah, you definitely want the electronic marker. And it's just so much nicer to, when you pull the trigger, you know something's going to happen. And you're going to, you know, those things shoot so fast. It's brrrr, to spray people down. And that's what you're going to need, that firepower. Because it's going to be a fucking uphill battle.

When I saw that earlier i was just like what the fuck why did they they really fucked us in the ass really should have split up wolf and mike it yes at the very least what they should have done is put us on their team like it should have been us over there instead of like skeletor or something like that's what it should have been like like's going to be annoying playing against Mike because Mike is a tryhard. That's how he plays. He likes pub stomping. You should 1v1 Mike.

There's no 1v1ing Mike. Fucking 1v1 Mike Nuketown, dude. No scopes only. You can't bring the gun up. You have to hipfire that bitch. 360 no scopes only. In that case. You're shit on him, dude yeah I think it's gonna be a

fun time I really like the field last time I really enjoyed the event last time so come on out pre-register and come play paintball with us yeah very cool fun your team if he's on the other team you better hope for a lot of fans to show up not even to be tactical with you just to be like that first wave of orcs

elephant archers just rounds before you get there and do some damage because that makes sense yeah the peasants with the pitchforks like yeah they can mow down maybe like tip moons forward Hands forward. March. Who has a tip, man? Me? You just hear, brrrr. You hear, like, 50 of them come walking by.

All right, they're low on ammo. Everyone else, come on. No, it's going to be fun. But I hope the first, I think the first day is going to be a lot of fun because it'll be just our group. And we'll be able to do what I envision us doing that I think would be a lot of fun is if I got myself, like, we did, like, pick up basketball. Where, like, I pick eight guys and Woody picks eight guys and Chiz picks eight guys, whoever else is there, and we have

some little mini-tournaments or something like that. I think that'd be fun, especially if we're, like, picking players and trying to keep teams fair-ish. So, yeah. That'd be a good time. Has Chiz actually played before? Yeah, he played with us last time, and he's played before in the past. How was he? Pretty good? Yeah, yeah, he held his own, did his thing. Yeah, he played with us last time. And he's played before in the past.

How was he? Pretty good? Yeah, he held his own, did his thing. He went and bought a gun like mine. He went and bought a Geo after our last trip. Yeah, I have not paintballed in a long time. I haven't played in, I guess, about a month. The last thing I did was Airsoft, which I really hated. It was fun. It was so lame, I hated it about a month. The last thing I did was Airsoft, which I really hated. It was fun. It was so lame.

I hated it so much. Did it hurt too much? It didn't hurt too much. It's smart. Although it does hurt. It does hurt. The problems that I saw were all the other players were wearing, like, many, many layers of clothing. Like, tactical vests.

Like, hard stuff. Yeah. So, they weren't getting any pain they were wearing all these helmets and stuff and i'm in there with like a paintball mask and a t-shirt on because like that's how i feel like you should play that way everyone has the same level of respect for getting shot but it just seemed like everybody was all armored up so they really didn't care wearing their juggernaut suits yeah yeah that's exactly how i felt when i played i i wasn't a big airsoft player or anything like that i played paintball several

you know 10 times or so but like i only played airsoft once and we went out there and people were like like you said like in tactical vests with like mags in there and i was like oh that's cool it's just like useful and then it wasn't until i got shot the first time because i was in a t-shirt and jeans I was like oh fuck like that Hurt way more. I'm like paint balls are way more painful fine. You know no that's a dense plastic ball Just hitting you I was like that's why they way that where the thing about airsoft is there's also I Could be wrong so I'm not as experienced in paintball as Kyle and probably not as experienced airsoft when we used to play in the Backyard there's like even though there's a huge difference between a tipman and what kyle uses it's still firing for the most

part the same projectile at about the same speed with airsoft there seems to be a huge gradient between like those walmart ones that sound like an auto blow and just and it's like really like floating yeah some guy has a bolt action sniper with heavier balls that just feel like a hornet sting on the side we have a full auto full metal ak like uh you know with gas gas was like if you had electric like the walmart one with a pistol like you know they could just like boom boom boom you you just like you're like you get hit with it like i got hit but the gas ones like i did a uh i did a video with it i got shot and shot and it would leave like blood pelts, like you got shot with a paintball from Point Blank,

where it would just sit there for like three weeks. You just have it there. That's it. I shot, so I think that they all shoot right around like the same feet per second, because I know they just turned all the guns down to a certain point when I was playing. I think it was like close to 400 feet per second, like 390 or something like that. The spring-loaded Walmart guns go like 180. Yeah, they're like 225. You wouldn't even be able to bring those

and play at this place. The rentals that we had were the battery-powered ones, and they looked like AR-15s, but there were plenty of people with air-powered submachine guns and long rifle things and lots of pistol players. And I just got shot up really close a bunch of times,

and it hurt like a motherfucker. One thing I liked about Airsoft is the scopes worked. Like, you could legit use a red dot, and the ball would go where it was supposed to go. The trajectory was way less, you know. There's less arch to it. It shoots faster. And with paintball, which I also enjoy, but at least least me I kind of shoot the first one and then adjust from

there I shot some simunitions at that gun show and those were so fucking cool you just I mean they look like regular bullets they go in a regular magazine you put it in a regular ar-15 with a different bolt and then it just works from there and it shoots these projectiles that are going like 375 feet per second pretty fucking accurately they uh they they and you can these are like non-lethal rounds yeah this is just begging for an accident like they look like regular bullets so they shoot from a regular gun well but it's not lethal it would be impossible to like do it the wrong way because the way that the way the system works gun. But it's non-lethal. I have no idea. What could go wrong?

It would be impossible to do it the wrong way because the way the system works, it changes when you use this thing, it changes to a rim-fired cartridge. It's a whole different bolt. You can't even close the dust cover on the side of the rifle when you've got the bolt in. The Glock is a whole different slide.

There's no way to fuck up. I can tell they definitely put a lot of thought into making sure that nobody fucks this up. Because it would be easy to, like you said. But those are cool. You want to do AMA questions? Yeah, sure. Let's see. All right.

I'll link everyone in case they need a fresh link. So if you don't know, we do this thing with the Patreon. I forget which level it is. You can check patreon.com. There's a link in the description for the different donator levels. But one of them lets them ask us Ask Me Anything questions on the show. Which, by the way, on a side note, I am flooded with personal advice mail Monday questions on Reddit at this point. Like every time I open Reddit, there's six more people who are like having some sort of personal crisis or want investing advice

or something. I don't know how to say this without being. Get your own fucking advice! Without being a douche bag, but it's too much for me. Like I've got like a couple full time jobs already. I just, I read it and sometimes I reply, but mostly I'm got like a couple full-time jobs already. I just I I Read it and sometimes I reply but mostly I'm just like I feel bad because I can't reply to this too You can't be too personal

You got to lay down the line People don't contact my business email for personal stuff because I ain't got time to respond to that shit They got apologize for your problem, but I am NOT the person you need to come to like Yeah, I don't know like i want to help you out guys but gosh like if you want to ask woody questions and pay some fucking money yeah why don't you donate to the stream pop up with your message so which one of these paying customers let's look at the first one it caught my attention have you ever considered doing Painkiller Nearly?

If you don't know, we do a midweek show called Painkiller Nearly. It's just for Patreons. It's a more raunchy show than Painkiller Any, possibly hosting it somewhere other than YouTube where you can show nudity and other things that YouTube doesn't allow. This would allow you to make the show more distinct without alienating your core viewership. So, should PK Anne have a porn flair, Kyle?

How do you take advantage of that so much like like how does that benefit your the show uh enough to justify taking it away from youtube or our standard um you know sources like i don't even i don't know if we can still put it on podbean or or like itunes or whatever if we start getting too raunchy with it i don't know what the rules there are. But where would we go? You're a family man. I mean, I've got a girlfriend. It's not like we can bring naked chicks

in here like Anthony Cumia and have titties on our show. Literally, I don't think that's going to happen. What are we going to do? Show you some porn clips? You can watch those porn clips anyway. Just because we blur them out on the screen doesn't mean you can't go to the site yourself. So I don't see what we would gain,

but I see that we'd be losing a lot. So it doesn't really make sense to me. At the end of the day, even though a lot of people do watch it, people aren't watching this intently, like flashing between faces and everything. And on PKN, it's audio-based. So do you really want to just hear porn?

Well, that's video-based, too. I mean, most people consuming it aren't watching it like a TV show. They're listening to it. So you don't want to make it too video-porn-based. I like making it video-based. I don't mind that at all. But I just don't know where the show... I guess this guy should have explained to me what he thinks a show would look like

in this new, more raunchy version. What would that entail? Is this not raunchy enough for you? I have personally watched so much shit with my own eyes that you can watch... There's links provided. You can do that along with us.

There's countdowns. Shit, what do you want? I've seen people's throat get slashed. I don't really know how much more raunchy you can get at this point question like it popped into my head is I've been watching a little bit of Stern lately they have it on YouTube even old stuff I envy the cast of characters and clowns that he can just snap his fingers and draw up he's in New york city people will stroll by where the thing is recorded that are good guests you know whores homeless people crazy people

people with weird lists people who were willing to do stupid things to get on the show now i will say this i i never suggested it before because i feel like it's a little hacky, but... What's his name? You know the black midget on the Stern show? I can't think of what his name is. Oh god, what's his fucking name? He's the black midget. He's retarded. Yeah, and he's sort of deformed-ish too, right? Yeah, his head's shaped like an ice cream cone. But anyway, you can like rent him out to come on your show if you wanted him and you know he'll agree with whatever

you say if you've ever seen a Stern show appearances they're hilarious it's not Gary the retard that's a white guy I'm never one to just take I don't think you can rent a retarded dwarf to come on the program and agree with us so you're saying that in this day and age

you can only rant black people? Because I think that's horseshit. Oh my god, dude! How much to own Beetlejuice? I think Beetlejuice makes quite a bit of money. His fee was not a small amount. His website is like happydrunkdwarf.com or something like that.

What is it? That's too much for me, man. Let's see. Beetlejuice's website. Oh, come on. This is sad. I just googled this guy. Can you link me? Oh, his appearances

are hilarious, though. He's a really funny guy. Is he, like, he's having fun with it? They're not, like, making fun of him the whole time? Yeah, they may. One time they had a porn star come in and shave his balls and then he teabagged her. Is he Jolly Dwarf? Yeah, that's it. JollyDwarf.com

Oh, what? Oh, shit, dude. Oh, my God. You can get the whole crew from the Howard Stern show to come to your Bachelor Power. That's Ronnie the limo driver and that's Sal and I think it's Richard on the right. Sal and Richard do a lot of really, really dirty stuff with each other on the show.

This is really fucked up that like, you can rent this guy. Here's the number, 732 616 9162. How much, I think Beetlejuice is like 500 bucks for like half an hour or something like that. Like, he's not cheap. JollyDwarf.com

is making some updates. Be back soon with a slamming new site he's an outstanding looking individual uh you check him out on twitter uh see how he's doing over there he's got 8 000 followers only well i mean you know he's oh my god though here all right i'm sorry i have to show you this juxtaposition. This is outstanding. Look at his... Like, every picture I've seen, he looks like a normal size. Look at him compared to these bikini-clad, bowling pin-wielding strippers. Oh, yeah. I've seen this guy do some really disgusting stuff.

He's like half the size as these women. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. He's on the Stern Show. He used to be on the Stern Show. He's one of the Whack Pack. yeah absolutely he's on the stern show uh used to be on the stern show he's one of the whack pack yeah he's great you know what i can't even hate like i hope to god i hope he just makes so much bank off of doing whatever the fuck he does because there's so little room that a person unfortunately a person in his situation can like succeed in life uh that like like i hope he just runs with

it i don't know if he's yeah i have no idea what he is or last thing i heard he's making hundreds of thousands of dollars a year from this old good for fucking him i don't like to be what a howard stern hanger on does it take much talent like like that who ronnie the limo driver is he actually like pretty funny and personable and like no no he's a the limo driver is he actually like pretty funny and personable and like no no he's a real scumbag like all right so like i it's different so some of the whack so ronnie's not in the whack pack ronnie literally he was uh he was stern's driver for a long time and now that he doesn't really drive as much i think he's like head of security it's like a he's like he's like stern's friend and he's got a job kind of for life type thing is the way

it seems to me. And then guys like Sal and Richard, they're show contributors. They write bits. They do prank phone calls. If someone needs to dip their balls in chocolate and then sit on somebody's eyes and give them some sort of panda ball eye face thing, they're the ones on call to do that.

As you do. Yeah, panda balls. Then there's a group of like retarded people and you know people with lots of things wrong with them who make up the whack pack they're extreme fans who are extreme in their own right you know they live at home they're they're freaks has stuttering john beaten his stutter yet yeah yeah yeah pretty like like 90 gone uh i don't see him on the show that much though there's a. There's a bunch of guys who I'm not really sure what their affiliation with the show is anymore because on Sirius you get so many replays from the 90s and the early 2000s that I'm not really sure if he's had a falling out with Jackie the Joke Man or what the deal with Artie is exactly.

I know Artie's gone from the show because of his drug problems, and I don't think he's coming back anytime soon. But there's a lot of characters that kind of float around like that. But the Whack Pack is what I love. I love Bigfoot. Bigfoot is like a huge fucking nasty guy who recently had this relationship with this transsexual, and they're talking about how disgusting.

He's huge. He's like 6'66 and he talks really weird and he's just like all the Whack Packers are so weird and they've got so many disgusting issues some of them are really overweight and they're eating themselves to death some of them are literally just

not fully functioning adults like Wendy there's a girl named Wendy who's retarded who calls in a lot and her gag is that she'll agree with anything you say. So Howard will be like, Wendy, did so-and-so rape you? And so-and-so will be there on the phone and be like, yeah. Did he force you to

suck his dick? Yeah. And she'll go on like this forever and the other person's like, no, I don't know this person. So, I love the whack pack. So yeah, you could rent this guy if you want yeah I will get a quote quote on that handicapped midget you got over there we'd like some time with him I thought

it was fun that time we called the the tranny and I think everybody thought it was going to be a real fun gag and then she starts talking about like the discrimination and like the fear living and I think everybody thought it was going to be a real fun gag. And then she starts talking about the discrimination and the fear of living in Thailand as a transsexual. And it just really brought us all down. I don't think we've really done any prank phone calls since then.

Yeah, right. It was such a downer. She's like, oh, yes, in Thailand I have to run in fear. It's just like, oh, shit. I just wanted to have some fun with this. Right, we just wanted to goof off on this more accepted thing in thailand well it got real very fast with uh with this like a big thing over there it's very sad sexcations probably won't go i go twice a year yeah three times

kyle would you hang that giant, sexy Kyle poster up on the wall behind you? I mean, if you'd send me a frame to put it in, I certainly would. I don't know what size this is, but I think it's... Huge is probably the way. Yeah, so you send me a frame, I'll...

You can't just, like, putty the top two corners or something? Honestly. I really don't have the putty You don't have a rolled-up piece of duct tape you can just you know put in a circle I certainly don't want to damage the print someone with a lot of You're right. You can't do that That picture again because if I look really closely I feel like I can almost see a camera lens or something Yeah, you can look into my...

It's such a high quality picture. You can see the reflection of the people in my eye. Outstanding quality. The paint from the photographer. So you got any more AMA questions you want to look through there? I'm sorry. My whole world is bouncing around here. Oh, it's okay. I'll find one

if you want. Are you still having Minecraft problems, Woody? Yes. I've got 99 problems and they're all fucking WoodyCraft right now. There's so many questions. Pick one at random. I'm sure we can figure one out. How would you spend

$10 million in 24 hours? Dollars is spelled wrong. That really offends me. Dolors. How would you spend $10 million? I hate those questions. It's like, I don't know. I'd buy a bunch of gold so that I wouldn't have to rush my spending decision.

I'd buy some assets with it, something that I could turn around and liquefy back into cash. There are four rules. Everything you buy has to be in your possession at the end of the time limit. No one else can spend the money beside you. Don't give half to your buddy. Everything you

buy has to be paid with cash. Time begins where you're sitting right now. So you have to like go find $10 million worth of gold. I couldn't just put it in the market. That sucks. So you have to like go find $10 million worth of gold? Yeah. God damn it. I couldn't just put it in the market because it's Friday night. Could you honestly do that?

That sucks. Yeah. No, if you had 24 hours, you could find somewhere. Just go to Vegas and buy poker chips. Like there's always something you could do with that money. You just go and you'd put it in. You'd spend it on something. I wouldn't want it in something physical.

I feel like a target. You know, like to me, I... Nobody knows that a poker tip is this big. I think that's the reason they added that stipulation so that we couldn't do some ringamaroo of like, oh, I'll just do this and put it in the market or I'll invest in stocks. Like you could at least say you'll buy

some high value real estate that you know is going to appreciate or something like that but i think the thing is a little bit it'd be easy you just spend it on things that that aren't money holes that are that are at least moderately good investments real estate would be perfect yeah i wish it was more than 10 million because it it amuses me that jay-z and beyonce were trying to buy a house and they got outbid by notch the minecraft three million dollars yeah i i just want to fuck with jay-z oh you like that one too well that was mine bitch yeah

we i mean it's two percent of his entire like total net worth right there on 73 million dollars it's i've been in the house it's a it's an outstanding piece of property that I would never want to live in. Why wouldn't you want to live there? The sheer size of that house is not something that you can appreciate. Like most people that are watching this show probably live between, you know, you might live in an apartment, you know, 1,000 square feet. Maybe you live in a large, large house, like 3,500 square feet. This house is 22, thousand square feet maybe you live in a large large house like 3 500 square feet this house is 22 000 square feet it is the size of like a walmart the fact that the when you walk into the the living room the distance from you to the kitchen is a full football field length of marble floor and nothing but marble floor and paintings it is and it is it it is a full football field length of marble floor and nothing but marble floor and paintings it is

and it is it it is a depressing amount of space i was there with 150 people and i swear it felt like there were 10 people there it was that was yeah that was first of all outstanding now i understand like i get it you have fully explained it. My house is 6,500 square feet, something like that. Which is a huge house. It is a pain in the ass sometimes. Like, if you're in the kitchen and you realize, like, you left your socks, which we store in the master closet, you're like, oh, you want a fucking skateboard. Like, to go over there and get the socks from the other part of the house. Yeah.

And. 22,000 square foot home. Is a whole other level. from the other part of the house. 22,000 square foot home. That makes it like a reality that if you're standing in the middle of the living room and you get sudden diarrhea, you might not make it. And it's all white. It's all like you're shitting and there's a trail.

Favorite part from that night, it was honestly, I was only there for two hours because it was like towards the end of, I don't think there's a way you end up at that house before like 11 p.m. anyways. But they only had brown liquor out on the full-scale bar that was unmanned by the housekeepers that were walking around collecting plates of food from everybody. Like, you just had people there. And I asked one of them, I was like, hi, you have only brown liquor.

Like, do you have any vodka? Because that's all I drink. And she laughed at me and then said, choose one. And I was like, that have only brown liquor like do you have any vodka because that's all i drank and she laughed at me and then said choose one and i was like that's great but there were no bottles and i turned out the whole wall is just vodka bottles like it's all handles of vodka about 300 of them in rows all the way down on this 10 foot ceiling it's just and she just take one like the house is sponsored by this brand of vodka. Like, they will fill this. Like, you can bring that home with you if you would like.

I was like, oh, like, that comes with the 73 million. Through Fwiz. Through Fwiz's friends with Notch, and I was there with Vanoss and somebody else. It was just like a random thing. Yeah, it was awesome. It was sponsored by, you know, Absolute. It wasn't Absolute. I actually never heard of the brand.

Regular drinks they had. You had to have vodka. You didn't want something like $1,000 whiskey. They had like nine bottles of brown liquor of various types and sizes. I'm not like a... Did you go to the pool? The pool is what sells that house to me. It's way smaller than I thought it would be

Like like I you know when they see the the shot, so if anybody doesn't know just go look at a picture It's like a huge like crescent shaped pool that overlooks this gorgeous view of the entire Beverly Hills the view is awesome But the pool itself you could not dive from like one edge of the pool Comfortably without without forcibly slowing yourself down before you hit the wall on the other side. It was a good 10 feet of space between one end and the other. So it was way smaller than I thought it would be. Still gorgeous because there's three feet of three inch water where you put your chair in and you lay in the pool and whatever. But when they when you look at the video or whatever it looks like a huge huge like olympic size

swimming pool when in reality it's like a very skinny very long beautiful though is it because the yard wasn't big enough for more yeah there's no space in that yard i don't know if they they probably could have made it bigger i would have had a smaller house and a bigger pool. I know. Yeah. Why not put an indoor pool in the football field of marble? That's what I'm saying. Like, see, this is why we're not millionaires. Probably because we're not the type of people that can appreciate football fields of marble. It's probably where, like, three million of the house went to. I don't know.

Probably. He could have had, like, a half indoor, half outdoor pool. I had a really rich friend who had one of those, or his grandpa did. Those are pretty fly. A nice pool. Half of it was outside. The other half, like you could swim inside. And then like you press a button and like a gate closed to like seal.

Oh, shit. During the winter. So the outside would be covered up and frozen and the inside is heated. That's awesome, actually. That'd be so cool to just manufacture crazy Willy Won wonka ideas of a house but he could do that that's what's crazy like you could do that but he i mean and no like more power to you if you're able to be like yeah i do want that house and like i'll get it and there's like no qualms about it but i feel like with that amount of money you would build that willy wonka house we're like maybe i want a room that just has 13 sub

wolfers in it like that it's just a room with 13 sub wolfers i because fuck you like i'm gonna go listen to music really loud in that room early in his career shack wanted a house where the bed came from the floor that was like his thing he's like i want a room where a king-size bed emerges from the floor like the sides open and the bed comes up and he kept talking like he was kind of responsible about it he's talking to his financial manager and he's like no no no you need to have this much set aside before you're allowed to buy that he's like all right call nike see what we can do you know like that's awesome yeah and i think he got it but um you know it was pretty cool he wanted to be that awesome show with shack in it like a couple years ago and

it was just like one of those shitty reality shows it's probably not on anymore called like is pretty cool he wanted to be that awesome show with shack in it like a couple years ago and it was just like one of those shitty reality shows it's probably not on anymore called like fish tank men or something and it was basically these men who would go around to really rich people's houses and like demo like 15 000 fish and like two million dollar tanks and shack was there just like explaining how he wanted like a whole room with like every wall being it's just a fish tank he's just like a huge warehouse like yeah would that not be sick though like that eel how much is this one it's like that's a whatever the fuck electric eel that one goes for 13 000 it's like yeah three of those it's like it's like jesus christ like

how much money do you have that you can buy $36,000 worth of eel? Like, a low-end Mercedes worth of fish that are going to die eventually. Five years. There's, like, have you, I mean, this, I know we're getting, like, super off topic, but, like, there's a good video that I think it was a League of Legends streamer, and I know there's, like, 800 different, like, variations of this, and it's somebody donated him $1,000, and he's like, fuck you. Like, you know, obviously he's, like, super thankful, and somebody's like 800 different like variations of this and it's somebody donated him a thousand dollars and he's like fuck it like you know obviously he's like super thankful and somebody's like holy shit like I can't believe that somebody would waste a thousand dollars on

you it's like look with all due respect the guy who spent a thousand dollars on me he has you know he's told me that I'm okay to say this you know he has about 24 million dollars in his bank account so he like goes and shows 2424 million in $100,000 units. So $100,000, $100,000, $100,000. So he takes $1,000 out and he's like, that's $100,000 gone. It's like a page of $100,000. He's like, he probably wouldn't notice it that much. He's like, so imagine how much a billion dollars is. It's like 13 pages of nothing but $100,000 just posted out. And he's like, remove $2 million of that. And he's like, it's gone.

I bet you all that money. No way in hell they would ever notice that amount of money missing. There's just such a huge scale of money that you can get to where it's just like that $13,000, it's like going to buy a newspaper for you at that point. If you were that rich, wouldn't you want to surprise people with just like boom, and now you're in there like i've said this before like you know those cannons they have at baseball games where they launch shit i would just put like hundred dollar bills

like a ten thousand dollar wad and just ride my limo down the street through really dangerous area not well not really dangerous dangerous enough that i'm still okay and then just like pop out of the roof and just fire it at some random homeless guy. Hits him in the chest, knocks him back, and he's really pissed for a second until he notices that he's covered in tens of thousands of dollars.

Homeless people come and tear him to shreds, but everybody comes away with like 500 bucks, so it's a net win for society. I mean, it was... $10,000 is a lot of money, right? And if you just drop it in a net win society dude i mean it was like ten thousand dollars is a lot of money right and if you just drop it in a person's lap it can change a lot for them right like maybe that's the amount of debt they have and suddenly like this crippling stress thing that's in their life is gone but on the other hand like ten thousand, it fits in like a brown lunch bag, and you can blow it on a good weekend in Vegas.

Like what you do with it can be pretty – like there's a wild disparity of what 10 grand means to different people. Yeah, definitely. I mean the scale of it – well, the whole thing is that there's that – I think it was like Neil deGrasse Titan in his Ted talk is how much money would it or how much would it half would it take for Bill Gates to say no that's too that's too little money it's not worth my time to bend down and pick it up so he's like you know what if I'm walking down the street you know I make the I make you know a hundred thousand dollars a year if I'm walking down the street and I see a quarter I'll probably pick up a quarter quarter. If I see 10 cents, like maybe not worth my time. It's there, it's dirty. But like a quarter, I can use that to pay my parking bill. It is like the equivalent

amount of money that Bill Gates would be like, that's a quarter. Like I'll pick down is like $41,000 in cash. Just the point where you're walking down the street and you're like, the greater than the average amount of income per household in America, like, I don't really want to bend over and pick that up. Somebody else can grab that. Yeah, he could see an Audi A5 sitting there with the bow on it with the keys in it. It's like, hey, someone drop this. It's up for grabs. And he'd be like, ah.

I have to get in it. Tucker would get in it. Tucker, what are you driving nowadays? My 2004 Pontiac Grand Prix, 200,000 miles on it. Broken front headlamp. Woody approved. I was wondering if you followed the playbook, the YouTube playbook, and bought yourself an expensive car.

I'll get there. My priority right now is moving outside of Los Angeles. Los Angeles is a stupid expensive city. If anybody is even remotely considering it, just look up the price of a one bedroom apartment and then reassess your entire life decision. Because at the point in my life where I'm very fortunate enough to be like, yeah, I'd like to own a piece of property. There is not a single piece of property that is for sale under half a million dollars in the entirety of Los Angeles County

that is more than two bedrooms and is not in Compton. And like that, like you, if you don't believe me, go to Trulia or Zillow and put your maximum 500 and then look at every property that's not a foreclosure. There's about three and they're all in South Central. It's like astounding. I can see why you'd want to live in LA if you had to go to LA all the time. But you just need to be close enough to take advantage of networking opportunities. You should drive 30, 40 minutes or whatever it is.

Well, we're looking at Washington. Okay, so you're finding the networking opportunities aren't worth it. No, so I live... Actually, we're not going to say whatever I was about to say right there. So, you know, it's great. Living where I am is great.

Just like, you know, I'm sure living where you do in proximity to these major cities works out well for whatever you need to do. Or, you know, it works for me because there's a lot of gaming industry in this area like i didn't have to leave my house for e3 i stayed here every night i took ubers there and back it was really great you know i don't lose that day to travel but the income tax on california is like state the state income tax is 13.3 percent which is four percent higher than any of the next highest

ones and it's absurdly high yo kids you're gonna love tax season when you get to it uh... washington has zero percent income tax and if you live in vancouver washington which is actually where quite a few other youtubers live gold glove namely oregon has no state sales tax or is no sale tax so you can go to portland oregon do all your shopping with no sales tax you can live in washington with no income tax it's a one minute drive over the border because they're literally across a river and you don't have to pay 13.3 income tax in california and the internet's sufficient yeah they uh portland's getting google fiber so yeah so

you know supposedly yeah it's rolling out slowly right dude it's just living here sucks a dick I got an email I got an email this week yeah it said that they've switched from the design to the construction phase they're like have you seen us out there with our shovels and our hard hats I'm like no not even a single time ever he's like we're coming to you

are you in the zone like when you looked it up like you're in the zone that should be getting it right I don't I feel like they haven't like they haven't defined the zone like when you looked it up like you're in the zone that should be getting it right i don't i feel like they haven't designed like they haven't defined the zone the purpose of the email they sent me was i think to like gather interest you know they're they're looking at who's checking to see if it's available and that's going to influence where they build first so you know i'm certainly letting them know that i'm interested but um i'm not going to be toward the top of their list. I think they'll be looking for more densely populated neighborhoods than mine. Business triangle park area. I'm in there. Yeah. Yeah. I have a Raleigh address, but

I just, you know, my little, my little corner of Raleigh, like I've got a 14 and a half acre plot here. Oh, okay. You're not like in Raleigh, Raleigh. You're just in there. I have one of the bigger lots in Raleigh. Oh, got it. So I just feel like I'm personally one of the less attractive targets. We'll see when it gets to me. Kyle, you have some really shitty internet, don't you, out there?

It's not awful. It's gotten better over the years. I think right now it's like 14 down and like 2.5 up, which is shitty by comparisons with anything out there near LA. But around here in my little rural area, that's not too bad. And I can do everything I really need to do. I can't live stream, but I can watch HD videos. I can stream HD video and watch that.

Yeah, 14 down is enough. You just can't upload crazy shit. Yeah, and I can do this. This works out pretty nicely, but if I ever want to download something, torrent something, God forbid, it's a wait. New console games, when I've got to do some 17 gig download,

it's like, well, I guess I won't be playing this game today. Yeah. So here's a question that came up with me because I know, because I have a girlfriend, so everything that I do has to involve, you know, her. Would you, Woody, knowing that there is, if, all right, so let's just say Google Fiber just misses you, and I know you're already settled in, but, like, Kyle and Woody, would you guys move for better internet? And we're not talking, like, you're moving for the chance of better internet. We're talking like if you move here, you're getting the one gig down,

one gig up Google Fiber for $100 a month guaranteed. And you're moving to a similar area, but you just have to put up with the shit of moving to get there. Yeah, I'd probably do that. As long as I'm not moving too far, if I can still accomplish all the same things I can do here. If I'm 45 minutes away, yeah, totally.

When we bought a house, internet is a big thing. And I feel like that's not everybody, but it should be. If I told you, hey, this is a really great home, the electricity's spotty. Your lights are going to be coming and going and your oven doesn't get the full temperature. But otherwise, This is a really great home. The electricity's spotty. Your lights are going to be coming and going,

and your oven doesn't get the full temperature. But otherwise, the drywall's nice, but the electricity's kind of shit. No, no, no. The internet is a utility that needs to be good. The sellers, when I told them that I was having a better internet run from Time Warner, were like, you could do that? They wouldn't do it for me.

They told me no, too. They're like, we don't service that area. And I'm like, what do you mean you don't service it? I'm like, everything's for sale. Give me a quote. And, uh, and we worked from there. So, um, so yeah, I, I absolutely internet to me, it's a important utility. I wouldn't buy a place where the water sucked. I wouldn't buy a place where the electricity sucked and the internet has to be able to do what I needed to do. It's crazy. Cause when we were moving out here with Trevor and myself and Brennan, when we were looking at a house, it was actually between this house and a house in Beverly Hills with a pool. I mean, you know, like right in prime area, Beverly Hills house was going to cost 300 bucks a month for five upload between three of us.

And it was just like, we we we can't live here like they're like we moved here for a job no matter how nice the house is if you can't do your job you're not living here long enough so we're just like fuck we'll get the lesser of the two but it has way better internet boom three files yeah we have three files lines of 150 150 into the house so it's awesome that is awesome like part of me wonders i mean obviously there's more to live streaming than just internet connection but quality is a thing you know if you have a strong pc and a fios channel then you just that gives you an advantage over other streamers you can look absolutely i mean i mean their twitch caps it at 3500 kilobits

per second which is good enough to have 1080p 30, like really crisp 1080p 30 frames per second, or really crisp 720p 60 frames. It is not good enough to do 1080p 60. It looks a little bit ready, a little bit pixelated. YouTube lets you do it at 9,000 right now, so I'm expecting Twitch to bump it up. But if I was able, or like you're in Google Fiber,

if they had no bit rate maximum, bit rate for the people that are watching that aren't sure, it's the amount of data that you're pushing to the stream. So it's like, you know, the higher the bit rate, the better the quality. So, you know, you could do at like 10,000 bit rate, you could do like 1080p, 60 FPS, and it would look like you're watching a 1080p video, like, you know, full HD Netflix or Hulu. So you're right.

You would get, like, a huge, huge, huge advantage over somebody who's only able to do 720p. It would look way different. Leaps and bounds different. Yeah, yeah. Like standard def first HD. Heck, I'm watching the three of you, and your picture is better than the other two. That is because of the camera that I'm using the three of you and your picture is better than the other two That is big that is because of the the camera that I'm using though like I have a what what this is is a it's a Canon g30 that I have an HDMI out like it's like a full like camera and then I run it into a

Capture card in my PC, so it's like a full 1080 60fps camera. What are you doing for lighting? I got an LED panel right there I've got a laptop with a Camera and a window behind me. I mean, but it works. I don't there But it works like that's all you need to get started to like I I always get sick when people are like Holy shit, like you have thousands of dollars in equipment like yeah, I fucking this is my job I like spend a lot of money on my equipment But like what Taylor's got is it more than sufficient to get the job done and get you going that's all everybody had i feel like the the investment you put in shows off in the product you know like it does yeah it just it scales like there or it has like dis or diseconomy of scale

so like the more you put in at a certain point, it's like you have to pay thousands of dollars to get a slight bump in quality. It diminishing returns once you hit that critical mass. That's what it is, diminishing returns, yeah. So much money. Crazy shit. Let's see, any more AMAs that you noticed, Kyle, while you were musefully looking about?

There's a few here. You know, this isn't our best uh you guys suck at asking questions well uh let's see i mean i mean here's one when kyle builds your fence would you consider putting a couple head of cattle on your property to help on taxes if it were me i would put some longhorns and show operating uh show you show that i'm operating at a loss i guess he means on your taxes uh so far this year the shows have been great. Keep up the good work. So the question is, Woody, do you think you could save money on taxes

by starting a longhorn cattle business and having it lose money on your property? Funny you mention that. Jesus. Funny you mention that. How do you have a tangential story for this? Right now, when I bought this place, I knew that the homeowners association expired soon.

And it expires as I look at this in like five or six days. And I didn't want an HOA. Like that was a thing that I came in here thinking. Now they want to re-up it. And if I sign this, it's just going to keep getting re-upped and re-upped. And the HOA is not that restrictive. There's no cost, like no monthly fees or anything. But it prevents you from having swine.

And it, more importantly, prevents you from putting smaller houses on this land. If you look past where I live, there's all sorts of medium-density housing. And it's zoned for even townhouses and condos and something. I think there's some areas where you can put 15 units per acre acre or something your house is zoned for townhouses and condos i need to double check on that but i think it is but you think it is okay i got you so that would be preventing people from just being like all right fuck my house let me build a townhouse right here in the middle of the neighborhood exactly right but i have enough land that i kind of feel like if they put townhouses and a lot of my neighbors have like two acres

so they're like let's not all let's all agree not to put townhouses and a lot of my neighbors have like two acres. So they're like, let's not all, let's all agree not to put townhouses. And it's like, you've got an acre or two. I have 14 and a half. Like when we all agree not to have a developer do stuff, we're really all agreeing that I'm not doing that.

And you're not putting shit on a one acre land. Yeah. So it turns out I have the tie breaking boat that, um, yeah. And now like I'm deciding whether or not this homeowners association keeps going or not. My attorney called me back this afternoon. So I'm going to send them all the documents and stuff tonight after the show probably. And I have to make a decision on this. And one of the things that the other people are saying is like, look, if this HOA goes away, then the taxes on the real estate taxes

can be based on the best use of this property. So it might go to like $12,000 a year, my real estate taxes, which is about doubling. On the other hand, if I put a farm on here, they'll cut in half. Yeah, fuck it, Woody. You got so much land. Fuck those people.

And like you can put a farm on it and then you can say, fuck the farm. Let me develop on it. And then you just double dipped and you're all good. It seems like your llama farm really might come to fruition. Like there we go. So if the HOA doesn't exist, there's nothing protecting me from like $12,000 a year property taxes. But if I put a farm on it, it'll not be 12.

It'll be like three. It'll be less than it is now. It qualifies as a farm. Funny you asked. I've looked into this. All you need is a thousand dollars in sales. And I was talking to someone, they're like, yeah, that might be tougher to pull off than you think. A thousand dollars is a, yeah, Kyle, here's a deal. I'm giving each of you 500 bucks and I'm selling eggs at $500 a pop do we have a deal here? I'll take two You could sign the flank steak and send it to a fan for 500 bucks like you know yeah, right like put effort into this I'll sear it in like a Woody's gamer tag I'll sear it in like a Woody's Gamer Tag.

Like a heated thing. Is it just the farm itself or the LLC that the farm is based off of? Because you could just fucking sell Woody's Gamer Tag branded searing steak prongs. I don't know how it works exactly. But the farm has to produce $1,000 a year of not profits, revenue. You have to sell $1,000 a year. Bruh, you got it. Right. Yeah.

Is it gross? I feel like gross is like before taxes and stuff. But yeah, sell $1,000. Right. Is it gross? I feel like gross is before taxes and stuff. But yeah, just total income. Sales. You get $1,000 in sales. That's not a problem at all. I'll buy a llama calf from you if that's what they're called for a grand and we'll be all good. The question is, what kind of farmer are you going to be?

Because you're actually going to have to do this. You know you are. $3,000 versus $12,000 versus probably $5, yeah, three grand versus 12 grand versus probably five or six grand. Like, easy decision. Llama time. Yeah, if somebody's gonna pay you $5,000 to take care of a llama, like, you're not gonna say no.

That's an experience. You gotta get yourself a llama. Don't llamas spit at people? Yeah, but that's fucking hype. No, llamas spit. Yeah, llamas spit. Yeah, I watched a woman go in for a kiss to a llama, and she's like

and the llama's like it was awful but um make maybe ostriches ostriches are hype those can be dangerous i don't know if you've ever seen up close and personal they're big they could kill you like they've got like these thumb talons like a velociraptor and they could just really disembowel you if they're that badass dude it's so big powerful yeah i've seen ostriches like run keep pace like while locking eyes at like 40 miles an hour with a guy in the car who like by the car yeah yeah they're so big dude and emus are really big too like when you like stand next to this thing, you're like,

oh, fuck, you're, like, much bigger than me. Like, its head is, like, eight, nine feet up there, and he's walking around. His legs are, like, that big around. What if I... Just get, like, four sheep, one chicken, sell Kyle a... Get pigs. Pigs are super nice.

$1,800. Miniature horses. Right? Get pigs. Pigs are super nice. $1,800. Miniature horses. Those are health issues and horses are stupid expensive. People have pigs as house pets. Apparently pigs are super loyal. They're like dogs but really dirty and taste good. Pigs are like the other thing that the HOA currently doesn't allow. How funny would it be if I didn't sign the HOA and started a

swine farm? And then you just got a fucking mini pig. Call it fucking pig farm. Yeah, you can be Bricktop. This would be great. Get pigs. So I honestly don't know for sure what I'm going to do with this HOA thing. I am waiting on my attorney to get back to me. We're sort of cutting it close. Alright, well, here's

what I recommend you get, Woody, because I think this would be easy and, like, super easy to take care of. Get one cow. They're not a cow. All right. A Holstein cow, like the black and white milk cow. Well, what about, like, the cost of, like, if it gets legitimately ill and you have to, like, make that decision?

Yeah. All right. I mean, I just feel like the cost of like recouping a cow is way more than the cost of about 15 cents and a whole man that's probably how you do it i mean you got to i mean what are you actually gonna do you can't be paying a vet to come look at that no we we'll go get a vet involved but at some point you gotta cut your losses what the hell is it some good fresh steak. My Scottish guy was really adamant about having the best

cows in the world. What the- They look like yaks. They better be wagyu cows. Highland cows. That's what you need, Woody. You need to start your own official wagyu cow business so you can import wagyu meat. That shit's like $10,000

per pound? I don't know. Scottish guy has cows? import Wagyu meat. That shit's like $10,000 per pound. I don't know. Scottish guy has cows. Is it like organic cows where you know how they say like free range or these like freshly fucked and regularly pleasured cows. Dude, they're like emo cows. Here, I'll give you a picture.

Emo cows? You'll see. I hope they have the haircut. Just. Those are more like California surfer dude cows, man. Oh, that's great. Yeah, I've seen these before. Yeah, he was really proud of them.

Don't get some ridiculous Irish cow. Get a southern cow so your neighbors don't laugh at you. Cows can cost a lot, and they can die more easily than you think. Just get a bunch of chickens, easy to replace. That's it. That's all you need. Easy to feed, easy to take care of. You got enough land that they can just do whatever the hell they want,

and you'll actually get good eggs from it. And I've seen chicken fences. They cost like $0.10 a foot. Exactly. For me to fence in a cow pasture. It's wire mesh. Yeah. A cow pasture is a serious investment in fencing.

I figured you were already doing that fencing to begin with. Chicken is all you need. I'm not sure. So far, ever since Jack died, we just opened the door, let the dogs do their business, and then open it again, and they return. We need to get the King of Cocks on the phone and figure out just where to go from here, then, I think. Another Cocks?

The King of Cocks. You're not familiar with the King of Cocks? I'm sorry. Who is it? Wings of Redemption. I was about to say, is it Wings? I didn't want to bring it up. Yeah, yeah.

Wings used to sell fighting chickens, and I always thought that a great reality show would be like, The King of Cox with Jordan Jordan. He's just like standing in the... A gold chicken medallion, like the outline of one, and he's wearing like a shirt with like roosters all over it and yeah it'd be great no joke aside outstanding wings would make a much better reality show than a lot of the reality shows on tv i mean he can speak he can work to

a camera he has a crazy cast around him and like you know because people say being a reality star takes no talent it does take a talent you know you have to say being a reality star takes no talent. It does take a talent. You know, you have to be relatable. If I take a camera and point it at most people, you get nothing from them. If you point a camera at Wings, he'll have a thing to say. He'll have a story to tell. He could do a thing. And yeah, he would.

Under proper direction, I feel like Wings is a real goldmine. I've always thought, I don't think I have the skills because I've never made a TV show, but I feel like a TV producer could go in there and take what he has and turn it into a legit reality show that would be fun to watch. We're not making a new Seinfeld here,

but we're definitely several levels above trash TV like Honey Boo Boo. Legitimate drama, funny characters that's that that's wings life in general like there's there's there's there's highs there's really low lows there's all kinds of drama there's interesting people to meet every step of the way you're never quite getting the full story and you're always longing to like get more information about well who's

that old guy who's that lady is that a boyfriend or a wife or a husband like who are all these people you know I guess it was his daily walk vlogs right and then you'd be like hey player fours entered the ring all right well shit I know let's see what he's got cooking you know yeah wings to be uh infinitely entertaining um i i've like i always introduce girlfriends to wings of redemption videos and and like it's funny to see what someone who's like the opposite of his regular demographic you know like a 24 year old girl it's interesting to show a 24 24 year old girl a wings of redemption video and then get her reaction because generally they like

it like they're like oh that's pretty funny that's ridiculous oh no like well all right let's watch another one where did we go from here yeah oh it's it's a relatable uh interesting story that is his life he's a character he's a character exactly yeah totally i wish he would do some youtube thing recently hasn't he? I haven't checked his channel in a long while. You guys are my only source for Wings news. I think he's screaming a little, but not as much as, not regularly, not what I would call regularly. And I don't know, his uploading patterns seem to be kind of slacking.

I can only guess. We know on Facebook that he got a prescription for antidepressants, right? And he's starting to feel better and his world's looking up to him. But I think the lack of like pressure, you know, the internally driven like concern about the mortgage in the future and stuff that was driving him to produce content. And now it seems like he does a podcast and and he does um live streams but it's like you get eight pieces of content a month out of him and that's everything whereas he's working at all with uh whatever his name is not to my knowledge and see that's the problem he has a hard time balancing uh you know the different jordys i feel like it seems like every time every time he focuses

really heavily on fitness uh it seems like he starts slipping in other areas of his life and then like so right now the last thing i heard from him was that he was going to focus on streaming because that was where he thought his money was going to come from you know his focus was paying the rent you know paying the bills etc and he just didn't feel like he had the time and energy to invest into weight loss um so i don't know where he is now i wish him the best as always uh you know he's the i i talked to him this is a couple weeks back but i i know that something about the receiving of donations while streaming doesn't sit that comfortably with him you know and and it's uh like i've been there too i try to find the balance between being appreciative and not being like the dancing monkey.

And I like I see I don't want to. I don't know how I live in this world, man. I know I'm not talking about you. I guess what I was going to only shows up on live stream fails. Well, I was going to let Tucker like name names. See, that's yeah, was gonna i will name names there's a several there are several people out there that uh and like i should note that when um when the streaming and taking donations as part of like the stream became more accepted as like uh as a as a thing in the back of my head i was like look i feel uncomfortable

when people give me gifts on my birthday like i'm not the type of person that's going to feel comfortable when somebody who i've never met gives me five dollars or fifty dollars or whatever it ramps up crazy but at the same time the way that it went about was people would ask so much that genuinely annoyed me that there were so many people that were like upset with my lack of method of for them to like directly contact me and have like an a an intimate moment with my stream so they'd be like let me like let me donate and like get this thing so you will see it and like it might suck but like if it doesn't suck like that's great so then i'll read it and for the very large majority they're very like,

hey man, thanks for producing this or doing this. You know, I appreciate this. Or, you know, hey, are you going to do this X, Y, Z? And always it's very like, you know, thank you for doing this. I appreciate you supporting the stream. But like, you know,

it's very hands off. Like this is not necessary. There are certain people out there, one of whom most recently really pisses me off. Her name's Pink Sparkles, or Pink Sprinkles? Pink something. You'll find her very easily if you search. Yeah. She wants to basically, and it's not, I'm trying to phrase this correctly. She's not representative of other females that stream in the space but she i have watched her draw uh cleavage lines like with

mascara so she could fucking uh get more like while on camera just like oh is this better so you guys can see my cleavage better and then she'll get donations that'll pop up and be like you fucking whore whatever whatever whatever and uh and it'll show up like the voice read it out so it'll be like you fucking whore like And then she'll fake getting really upset so people will donate more money. Oh, what a great show. So it's a great show. That's exactly. It's a great show for those who understand it.

But the annoying part is she'll have donation goal. Zero out of $5,000. Just like, please, begging for donations and putting on this act specifically to get only donations. And that's where the line is just like way... Incredibly shameless. Very shameless. I was on 4chan today and they were listing like... The whole thread was about Twitch whores.

And they had like... What are those things? WebMs or whatever? WebM gifts. The best gifts, yeah. So there's tons of those of the horriest whores on Twitch, and it was wonderful. It's outstanding.

They're wearing super tight I wouldn't call it leather. It's some sort of synthetic fabric that at first looks like leather because it's shiny. But when she bends over you see straight through to her ass. And you can see the outline of her thong. And you can see a camel toe in the front.

And she goes over and marks this board for every time there's a subscriber. She writes the subscriber's name on it. And the way she squats, her skirt flares up in the back. And you see her ass for a split second. And she does it multiple times it's like every time some money comes in you basically get flashed a little i i could go on for hours and hours about the and i want to i want to ls there there it is i i don't hate the people that are doing this because they are playing the game the way that capitalism is

meant to be played they are taking this like niche uh like it's not even niche they're taking this community of people that get off on making other people quote-unquote like break and like oh god like you're right i am just a whore but like stop donating like it's killing like you're so offensive like they know how to play the game and it's genuinely an impressive like cycle to watch And I hate them for getting well-known off of it. We had Kat Gunn on the show. Oh, Kat, yeah. That's a nice lady.

She seemed to not enjoy some of the people who say you're only successful because of your boobs and stuff like that. Absolutely. She didn't like it. On the other hand, she did also seem to play to it like when she showed up on this yeah she showed up on this show with the cleavage cam and there she had um a minion shirt on if i remember right and there was an eye on each boob i will say i'm not seeing enough cleavage for my taste out of tucker right now i'd like you i'm sorry you're right i'm like oh i know oh he's got the chest hair oh taylor i will say that like, was a huge, big thing that came out where, and it's, like, an incredibly touchy subject in the area,

and I just, like, try and stay as far removed because it reminds me so much of being in high school where, like, you get, like, super catty people against super, like, overly aggressive, like, dudes just like, fuck you, you only use your boobs. So, like, they they you know the the thing what you're saying with kat and not necessarily just with her but with a lot of girls she's halfway there right like she she she wants the upside without the downside i don't know a better

way to say it like you know there's no way to go about you're gonna offend somebody when you say basically there's a they want to uh there are people out there that want to be able to wear what they want to wear without being labeled with the same negative tendencies that the people that use it, exploiting it specifically for that reason, are using it. So it sucks because, yeah. I personally like, great, when my girlfriend goes and streams in a tank top, which she does like once in a blue moon,

I'm like, yeah, more boobs. Like, I like your boobs. That's why I date you. And it's great. Like, I'm glad that you're now we know why wearing those right yeah it's just her boobs i'm glad that you're comfortable wearing that but at the same time she doesn't want to be taken as the reason that people watch me and yeah that's got the reason that people watch me is because of my boobs so i get it but there's no real comparison that dudes can have it'd be like you wearing like it'd be like you having a calf cam woody where you just like your calves are like on the screen and people are

like woody i love your minecraft gameplay but like you have your calf cam up there and you're just like but it's just my calves baby like that's just part of me blade's doing a thing now and i don't want to like at first i you say don't talk i don't't. He has the. At first, I thought it was like a mistake. I wasn't going to mention that one in particular. Just recently, I watched him take his shirt off and lick his nipples for a donation. Wait, who's this? Only use me blade. Why, Brian?

At first, it was like, oh, man, this isn't going well. That's not a good look for you with the finger up the butt and everything. Now, I feel like drinking and streaming is his stick and it's like hey go watch blade if you like seeing men lick their nipples you know it's uh you know he'll get shirtless he'll argue with his i think that woman is his girlfriend i know it's the roommates they go crazy well you remember i'm sorry did i interrupt you no not really i but to me what he's doing like the the show and the donate for uh actions and stuff like there's the guy equivalent yeah all right so there's like he would deny it i

feel like he would embrace and say like yeah no shit i did that to achieve this he's not doing the two-handed where it's like oh i want to be recognized for this but when shit gets a little rough and i'm not getting donations and i'm not doing this i'm going to kind of tweak it a bit and do this while still maintaining that i'm not and upholding some you know fictitious uh pillar standards when if you just admit it and say that's what you're doing that's fine but but it seems like there's a lot, and I don't even watch Twitch so I could be totally off here, but it seems like there's a falsehood of it where it's like you're pretending you're not.

Yeah, there's like, there's a there's a very distinguishable line that a lot of people that understand the issue of allowing people to wear what they want to wear and feel comfortable wearing it because there are, I should say that the serious side of it is if you go and you're just like watching the random channels if you're just scrolling through and you see a girl there a lot of times and i'm guilty of

this and i know a lot of people are you click on it and you're like oh god like you know is this another person who's just using their themselves to like get attention via one way or another and you have and it's that that mental like uh coming into streams that have brand new female streamers with that mentality is like super damaging to not only females in the gaming space but twitch as a whole as like a community so there's like a very noticeable line between those that use it as a as a leverage point and you can like draw singularities between like hey i'll say like you know i'll go on my free cams and they will do the same thing with like, there's a whiteboard,

somebody donates tokens, they'll write the token name up there. They'll be like, thank you so much. And they'll do a little dance in their outfit and they'll go sit down and encourages donations. Like people will do that on Twitch. And for good reason, it's a proven thing that gets you donations.

But like, it's like that as a whole, there's no denying it is damaging towards people that are really just trying to make a name for themselves as being like you know genuine streamers gamers so like it's pretty obvious when somebody goes out of their way to use it there are people that play both sides kind of shamelessly but for the most part you know blade is like doing the equivalent of what you know pink sparkles does like holy like literally outlining her tits and this is like you know is this better is this better like you know whatever works for you i'm not gonna hate like i had a hard time against tos i think

so at first i didn't even acknowledge donations and follows and stuff and then i stepped it up a little bit where i just say thank you and maybe read what they have to say. But it's gotten to the point where it's like, well, should people get some sort of value for this? And people were mad that I didn't acknowledge a donation. There was actually threads on Reddit about me not doing it. And now I kind of get it because I am... So we watched a guy named Filthy Robot. He plays Civilizations. He was on the show. We like him a lot. Yeah. And I donated to him and it popped up and I was like, yeah, yeah, cool. And I did the next stream and he had computer issues and it didn't pop up.

And I was like, man, what I feel like I bought was the pop up. That's what I bought. Like, you know, you may think that that donation is because I want you to have five dollars. But to me, I purchased the pop-up and it didn't work and yeah you know there's a lot of there's a lot of and i do the same thing like i'll donate to my own girlfriend and like i i'm not losing that that's just like here's five dollars like i just want to like say something stupid to you but if it pop if it doesn't pop up or if it pops up but she like takes a while to read it i'll be be like, well, fuck man. Just like read the donate.

Like I have something clever to say in there. Like, I don't care. Like I don't care that you got my $5. Like that $5 was worth it to get to the point where you read this. So yeah. Yeah. He was playing Civ and he was like, all right, I don't want to be at war with this guy. I'll take the furs. You take the salt, et cetera. And, uh, I'm like, you know, fuck that guy. Take them both. Do it, do it, do it. And it didn't pop up.

And then like he read it like 15 minutes later and the moment was gone. And I'm like, man, I like that. He would name his cities. Yes. We wanted them. And he would even name his like units, his workers and such to what we wanted. Like, you know, it's the kind of game where like, you know, you're looking at the city scape dozens of times throughout the gameplay.

So it's like, yeah, that's WoodyCraft city. I would pit my Minecraft server on his stream. He's got WoodyCraft. He's got FactionsFire. I'm naming his city with my donations. He's a cool guy. That's the tasteful way to do donations too. That's the tasteful way to be like you're doing this with the understanding that people –

you know that the donations are there for other things not necessarily they are related to you but it's not like woody here's three hundred dollars i don't give a shit what you do with it like i don't care about the pop-up here it is like i want that three hundred dollars plus the whole chat going holy shit 300 like you're so generous and like i feel good you feel good you know you're a temporary celebrity. Yeah, yeah, definitely. I understand it completely. It's great to get your name out there, and I think it's fine if people want to do the tracing your boobs or licking your nipples or whatever Blade was doing.

That's fine. Do that. I just think it's silly to do what you were mentioning earlier where it's like they're kind of playing a video game, and it's mainly just that's the medium that they need to be in the environment where they can... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely.

Like, don't hide it. Embrace what you're going to do. Who actually wants to play video games and get noticed. So it's like, go do that on some cam horse site, where you can actually make probably more money or something. I don't know how much you make. Right, that's what I wonder, because there's a thin line there. But you're usurping a position.

Well, I know that Selena22 chick, like, I know she makes a ton. She's like, we've seen her stuff. That's a thick line, though. She's not near Twitch girl. She's an actual porn star. Now, that's true. I feel like that's where, well, you know, just go and cross over to that line.

I would like it. I think that all hot girls should cross over to that line. You guys have had, I don't mean to throw you on a bus, you guys probably have more understanding of how tokens work on those sites, like my freecams and stuff like that. You probably know the estimated amount of whatever a thousand

tokens is. All I know is I can go to, there's this one streamer who popped up, name is uh what is her name now fuck it used to be jugs cast it's christy kristin plays I've got to pull up an image for you because I know that none of you have seen it she was a yeah oh you are she was a porn star um and you'll understand immediately why this was a very lightning rod of a streamer. Because this is the most modest thing that she would ever wear.

And her title was Juggscast. Wow. It's like 34 double J cups. Gargantuan. And she would put in her description links to her Kickstarter to get her bigger boobs Hell yeah, like links like donate $200 towards my next breast upgrade and you'll get like my my snapchat She did one at a time Yeah, she did one and then you had to donate to match her?

2016, the left titties! Great. I wanna be part of that Patreon. That looks terrible. It looks like they'd be as hard as cobblestones. Oh yeah, yeah absolutely. 40 pounds total. 20 pounds each. I've never touched a fake boob, right? Never happened. And I believe Kyle could make it happen for me. I just need to get permission.

I want to be like, Jackie, it's not even a sexual thing. I just want to know. Can I squeeze one boob? We're going to Chicago. Kyle's got, I don't know, three or four women out in Chicago. I could choose. Not now. Hypothetically.

Kyle could arrange it. Kyle could arrange it. Kyle could arrange it, I'm sure. You could just put a couple phone calls. Like, can you send your best fake titties out here right now? Yeah. Come on. My friend Woody's never felt them. One tweet from Kyle would have six of them volunteering to let me squeeze.

He's like. Really? That could ruin his future endeavors in trying to do that. If it's like, oh, now every time he tweets, he's just got some old man with him who wants to fuck Kyle. He just had this old dude who

I got the fuck up out of there. It was weird. It's weird. Right before I fuck Kyle, this old guy squeezes each boob and then heads back out the door. He just was a doctor. I'm not sure. He was checking me for lumps. Not even in like a sexual way, just like pensively.

Like really trying to. I'm obscene enough. Yeah. I feel like if you're polite, like women will let you get a grip on there. Especially if you can – it's very easy. You just kind of get into the conversation. Just basically, naturally, you would say, really? Well, I've never even touched a fake breast.

I wouldn't even know where – are you sure? Those don't make it work. And then it's going to go, well, touch them if you want. Totally. Every time I've ever gotten in that conversation, it ended with me grabbing somebody's boob like like it's because they paid for it they want to show it off like that Kyle's not 72 so like it's probably not gonna work with like hey what do you play it off as just like a senile stumble I do have a thing though so I haven had fake boobs, but I have had this testicular torsion surgery when I was 15. And even...

What? Yeah, yeah. I was sitting at... What happened with your balls that you needed to untwist your balls surgically? So a lot of people have heard this before. So in fast forward, Kyle took his headset up.

In fast forward, I guess, I don't know if it's your vas deferens or whatever, but there's some sort of tube that holds your testicle, and mine was longer than normal. So it allowed the testicle to turn up. And I'm sitting there in biology class in 10th grade, and it hurts. It hurts like a bunch.

And I felt my jeans were too tight or something, so I kept pulling them down and giving myself a little more breathing room and it's not resolving the problem so um so I go to the nurse and I'm like you know my testicles really hurt like you know my testicles is a lot of pain and the nurse didn't want to like you know for you for going to the school nurse I would have been like look you need to let me call my mom so I can like have the pediatrician talk to me about this one. I mean, like props, maybe, but it hurt a lot. Like I was getting a little concerned and and the nurse didn't want to like cup them and check it out.

So she got, I think, a gym teacher over who may have had some sort of first aid training. Coach, Coach Paterno, over here. Pretty much, yeah. Cup winning balls. The gym teacher comes over, and I drop him, and he touches him, and he's like, look, I don't know exactly what's going on here, but there's something going on, and we need to get this guy to win. Let's get Sandusky over here.

Oh, shit. Did he make some gym teacher pun, like, that's no dodgeball, and then just send you to the hospital. At this point, I'm moaning and stuff. I'm in pain. They're like, you know what? It's between classes right now. We can get you

on a stretcher and into an ambulance nearly privately if we just fucking get on the ball presto. And that's what they did they got the ambulance there nobody even knew and uh and we're headed across like it's hard to describe it but like this road that's on a bridge at 45 mile an hour limit we're going like 80 and uh and i'm like in the back like moaning and like like oh god like like you know and i'm like can you go faster because i'm looking for some relief from this and the passenger's like yeah you know dude can you go

faster and he's like i'm going 80 like like it's pretty quick for an ambulance and a 45 like it's not like maneuverable and uh we get there and i'm in the um the emergency room right and we're all separated pretty much just by curtains you know like there a lot, it's like a big room with just curtains dividing everything up. And, and I'm like the noisy one. And my father, he literally, he's like,

they're, they're taking care of you first. Keep it up. Because like, like, like you can walk in there with a broken arm. And if you're like, ah,

dude, it's chill, you know, then they're like, all right, you know, but this guy over here, we don't know what the scoop is and they wheel me into a room that says nuclear medicine on it which like this is like the early 90s i've seen that room i i always think like i

want to go in there maybe i'll come out fucking supercharged i'll get up in there i don't need that shielding don't give me that lead vest i just to that, my calves were like toothpicks. So they wheeled me into the nuclear medicine thing, and I guess they injected my circulatory system with something. See, I'm going to want some of that too. Inject me with something. Right in there, man. And then they're able to, I guess, blast me in some way,

and they can just see where the blood's flowing. I like it. It's not flowing to my balls like it's sort of a Hulk type thing. Yeah. Sort of. And, uh, like there's something wrong with your balls,

Woody. We gotta, yeah. Well, I thought it was something cool. Like you, you had like done a kick flip and like the skateboard and like twisted your nuts. You know how you seal up some bread when you're really,

and you want to, you want to eat your sandwich and you're just like, that's what happened to his balls that's all i thought he almost got castrated uh like self castration it sounds like they went in there and uh and they sliced right down the tip there down the sack and uh and i forget i don't know what color he said they were it was gray or dark play or grack or what or black or something they're supposed to be right yeah he's like it wasn't good you know he's like we saw all these things and he just sort of unspun them in place and uh he's like immediately they pinkened up like he was very

pleased with the reaction to being unspun those are some healthy testes yeah yeah and he's like you know i think we're gonna be okay here and uh by like day two i think i spent two nights in the hospital um he was just like dude it's good to be 15 like you were bouncing back even your stitches heal quicker like everything was good and um you know i was worried about my fertility but those questions were later answered and uh um and that's it i actually have a couple stitches that hold my testicles in place right now for life that stop it from ever happening again.

I want to get that as a preventative measure. You can touch mine and see if you like them. If you feel just right, you're like, oh yeah, there's the stitch. I'm telling you, it is a real upgrade. Yeah. Stitch, ball sacks. Jesus fucking Christ. I hate that story.

Every time you tell it, I just want to check the fuck out every single time. Cause it, it just sounds like the most aching. I know what it felt like. I know it sounds silly, but I know what it felt like. I'm imagining a dull aching pain that goes like from testicles to like

belly button. And it goes all the way wide and it just hurts and and you can't even nail down exactly where it hurts because so much stuff is hurting in that area and it's just excruciating that's exactly what it's like and and we probably all felt that but it goes away in like what seconds seconds like even 30 seconds is weird you see it in ufc fighters a lot like they get kicked in the balls, and then they're like, can you still fight? And 30 seconds later, he's not even – should I go back? I'm kind of at 100%, but mine lasted for hours. No, thank you, dude.

How did we get on that? We were talking about titties and whores and having a good old time. Oh, yeah, yeah. So the whole reason that popped into my head is during that procedure, nicely done, Kyle, I developed kind of a, like, I lost my, what is it called? Like, not vanity, but, like, I lost my shyness around this. Intimidation, maybe? And, like, doctors are walking in, just, like, looking at my ball sack.

And I'm like you know so better now and you're almost like a pregnant woman you know like they by the time they're ready to deliver the baby they're just like whatever here's my hooch I've been showing it off for nine months now and and it's it's they're just like not private about it anymore lack Was it a sheer lack of inhibition, or was it like some Vicodin loosening? It could have been. Check my balls, Doc. Check them out.

I don't know. But just having like, you know, you had a whole team of people in the OR, and you had the doctor and the nurses have been checking it and like replacing your bandages. So this woman, who I think has had like many boob surgeries, is probably just not the same level of shyness as someone who hasn't. Yeah, I find that... Something to hide it.

True. It's like, you know, removing a tumor or something like that. Most women aren't very shy about their boobs as long as you're not a weird creeper about it. That's true. There's a very fine line you have to walk yeah i call it the titty line it's a razor's edge it absolutely is a razor's edge because you have to be interested in the breasts but you have you can't be like stroking yourself while you while you do it you know it has to be somewhere in between where like I know where I'm going wrong. We're clearly interested.

Are those real? You have to be at least 60-40 split where 60% of your interest is medical and scientific and general curiosity. And the 40% is just general attraction. And that way you don't come off as a real weirdo. You have to feign more curiosity. Look's like that oh yeah oh those aren't no those aren't fake no way no way those are real can i can i give a little little yeah all right all right yeah you know something like that

and you get some titty squeezes in and we could totally get woody hooked up with somebody with some fake boobies i'm sure i'm sure there's dozens there's probably someone watching this right now who's like you know what he can who's like, you know what? He can do it to me. I don't want to let that poor old man die without ever having touched him. Or maybe your wife out there, maybe she's got some fake titties that Woody could give a haunt.

We're looking for some big ones, though. We don't want, like, some... We want, like, some big giant stripper titties. Really? I can't. Somewhere between that and what we're seeing here in this picture, because this picture here is frankly just unappealing. It looks like a video game character that a 12 year old got out of control with.

So here's the deal with the way fake breasts feel. It really depends on a few different things, and one of them is how big the breasts were before the enhancement. Because if she went from a B to a C, those are some nice boobies. If she went from a C b to a c those are some nice boobies if she went from a c to a d those are some really nice boobies there's lots of like real boobie on

top to like feel when you're like touching them before you get to the enhanced part which frankly feels like a bag of too small you jump too much then it removes all the density of the titty flesh and so you're just feeling that bag of viscous... Is it saline now? Is that what they do? Saline, silicone, it depends. But, you know, it's very hard. The skin can be very tight. It doesn't bounce or do cool stuff. That's not always ideal.

But, you know, to each his own. It's pretty logical. There's no such thing as a fake titty anyway. If you can touch them, they're real. That's my book. Yeah, I've never touched a fake boob anyway if you're if uh if you can touch them they're real that's my that's my book uh yeah i i've never touched a fake boob but a lot of guys are not fans of fake boobs i uh as our liars it's i was gonna say it's like all depending on what kyle says like if you have somebody who goes from like an a cup like there's not a lot like you just put it underneath the muscle so like if you don't have a lot there to begin with and you go up a couple cup sizes like yeah it's probably not gonna feel that great and it's going to kind

of look a little wonky because it's not proportional to you or something like that. But if you get proportional boobs like maybe up one cup size from a B to a C like he said or a C to a D, like it's going to look normal. It's going to look good. It's going to feel pretty normal. But at the same time, like you can tell. i mean it's like you can you know like a good squeeze or two and you'll be like there's not something's like not something it depends i i think i've experienced that four different times um there was there was one lady who was who's had just very very big boobies and she was actually older like she was in her late 30s i'm gonna say but she had went from like a c to a d seemingly

and those were excellent those felt real and they were like big and like unnaturally perky and all that stuff those are excellent yeah but sometimes i've also known very tiny girls who it was clear like just didn't have any boobies at all they had like an a cup or less and they had gone to like a c and in that case it's just like super tight skin like like two half half circles just pop like stuck to the chest like a drum a drum skin like a snare drum on yeah yeah very tight fit yeah that's not the best um no uh so it really depends and i've also known girls that went from like a b to like a big C, and that's pretty nice too. It just really depends on the surgeon as well

because I know they could do like under the muscle or over the musculature, and I think you want it to go under. I think ideally you want them crammed in through the armpit. And in some cases, you know, they're moving the nipples around. They're cutting the nipple off and moving it somewhere else. Don't fuck with the nipple. I don't want you to make sure you don't get all like crazy. I'd like something with those nipples

because I feel like that's a big part of what makes breasts attractive. It's like symmetrical nipples, whether they turn up or go straight out and look at you. My taste in nipples changed as I went through puberty. I like all nipples. There's no bad nipples. There are bad nipples. Amazonian three-inch nips, just like know any size really what any size i i'm with but i'll say this what

happened was when i like the whatever nine-year-old version of me like small nipples right that was this thing nipples should be smaller the smaller the better that that was just like tight perfect put together etc and then um as i got older. Like do nips. Yeah. You know what's funny? Because as I got older, I was like, you know what? I don't. Nipples that look like mine are not what I'm looking for anymore.

I want nipples that look like hers. I don't care. I like all nipples. Like red-headed chicks have like tiny little pink nipples and those are cool. And like Filipino chicks have like these really dark brown chewing nipples. And I like those too. And, you know they're gonna be big and red and i love that they're chewy yeah they're chewy yeah yeah that was so nasty very short or like a pixie stick cut in half i don't care like they could be long they could literally be like you know like an inch long

or something or they could be like really give a blowjob to a girl's nipples like yeah there needs no I want to cut I don't care if there's a very simple that nipple boy I don't care down there get down there I don't care if there's a circle of hair around the nipple I'll still do it that is not a first of all I'm not surprised, but- But let me just say, that's a no fucking go for me. Ah, see? I wanna- If you have a hairy nipple, then I will bite the hair, yank it out, and then leave. I'll be like, I'll come back when you finish the job. I like-

I have an AMA question. I'll be like, I have an AMA question. I just did you a favor. I'll be- I'll be- I'll be a favor. I got no problem with pubic hair or anything like that, but if there's nipple hair, that's way too much. And if there's a happy trail,

I know Woody was just creaming in his pants every time he sees one, but I'm kind of checking out on that too. Same way that women feel. A nice belt matching nice shoes. That's how Woody feels when he sees a little bit of nip hair matching the happy trail. He's like, oh, that's excellent. The tone brown. You didn't mix it up. Well put together.

I like the consistency here. Hair everywhere. A few episodes, Kyle suggested that each of the hosts get DNA tests to determine their racial makeup. If you were to do that, is there any particular race you'd like to find in you? Is there a race that you'd be disappointed with? So what do you want to find in yourself?

And what would you disappoint? Sounds like low key racism. I would like it. I would like it if my ancestors had come from a long way away. Like, I feel like if you trace my lineage, like straight back to somewhere, like,

oh, they're, they're from like, they're Germanic. And then from there, they came from the caucus mountains and from there it was africa like that's kind of lame and boring and vanilla but if they were like if i had some like some asian ancestor or something like like and it was clear that like it not just asian period like like a very specific region of japan or gangas con. I mean, we're all related to Genghis Khan. Yeah, right?

Like if it were something cool, if for me to be here required a few extra steps, I think that would be interesting. I would like to know that. That like my ancestors took a few boats through perilous passages or like crossed a strait somewhere before a land bridge disappeared or some shit like that. crossed a straight somewhere before a land bridge disappeared or some shit like that. I don't think I would be disappointed by hearing any race if I found out. I don't think there's any races that I would be

disappointed or that I would try to hide. I know Ben Affleck found out that his family owned slaves and he tried to conceal that. I don't blame him, but as far as a race, I wouldn't care. I'd like to have something in me that allows me to complain about shit right like if i don't want to weed whack in the summer because i'm part eskimo that would be perfect yeah like something i would like to get a casino or something like that some

of those benefits that that minorities get like if it turned out that i was like 164th cherokee and i could get on some of that casino money like i'll turned out that I was like 164th Cherokee and I could get on some of the casino money like I'll be fucking chief pay my ass like let's make it happen I don't care or if I had like some Asian ancestor and that got me like extra college credits or some bullshit like just sign up whatever You just get college credits for being Asian That's how it works, you're Asian, here's your five math credits like fuck off That's how it works right? Like that's what I heard

Totally dude. With everyone else. Oh, I'm sorry. It looks like you have a little bit of Japanese. We'll just pass you right on to calc 3. If I find out that I'm Irish. I don't wanna hear that. The snow thing, you're a hundred percent on. Like if you found out that you were just enough advantage of it, that would be the ideal in this day and age, I think. just to be like well. I'm 124th this or that Yeah, like give me something give me some my ancestors came from Italy we came here for About this is that motherfucker like it'd be nice to like jump on board one of those groups that has like money behind them

What are you trying out? It's a white guy. Are you know it's like are you German? Are you Nordic? I'm trying to guess Right now, I'm just a white guy. Are you German? Are you Nordic? I'm trying to guess. Germanic, I'm afraid, from the marshlands of Germany. Probably some Nazis in there, you know, right? I feel like that may be in my heritage. I hope so. It'd be nice if I could maybe look into that. I think we should do the DNA test.

It's only like $100 each or something. If there were Nazis in your heritage, that's almost like a success story of like look just a hundred there you know eighty years ago but go my ancestors were done look what I'm doing now firing guns on the internet not even hating Jews up even not very much at least you know I have several I have several Jewish friends I have a seven Jews.

I have black friends. I like to point out that I don't hate black people. I even have a black dog. Yeah. I can vouch for his black dog. To find out, I was like, I had some Norway or Sweden in me, which just because that'd be so weird

to have Nordic in me, because everybody in my family is so dark-complected. My hair's pretty much black. My eyebrows are black. You got some Italian in you there with that curly hair and everything. I have some Italian. Sicilian, specifically. Tucker, what are you?

I'm fucking the worst. I am 50% Irish, Kyle. And I'm 50% German. I am 50% Irish, Kyle. And I'm 50% German. Like right down the goddamn middle. I get what you were saying. It'd be cool to have something interesting. I have the most basic bitch ancestry.

Like somebody was really poor, starving, or maybe Nazis, and then they came to America, and something, something, and now I'm here. Nobody fucking marched across the plains of Africa to get to where I am now I don't get to be like feel like the chosen one of my ancestors I literally tuned out after you said Irish what was the other one German German okay Bonner I would love that if I had yeah I feel like someone needs to look into it uh what was that Taylor uh My girlfriend just walked over and tussled my hair.

Oh, okay. Oh, yeah. Just a little tussle. I caught a little something there. I was wondering what had happened. Yeah, I think we should do that DNA test. It seemed like if you did more than one, you got a price break. So three of them were like $180 versus $300 or something.

There was a discount. I'd totally be up for doing that. I think they just mail you a thing, you, like, swab your mouth, send it to them. And it comes out with, like, a good printout of, like, exactly, like, your percentile breakdown, and, like, it's pretty cool. So I was like, yeah.

I think it's far enough that you can, like, everybody came from Africa. Like, you just have to see how long ago it was. Like, probably way longer. I'd love to know. I'd like to know. How black is the blackest of you three like yeah right I like who's the blackest of you all I guess probably not it's probably Taylor honestly I would know like Sicilians are more black than like like I think there's some Mexican

in me do you yeah I think what do you might be the most Hispanic I think there's some Mexican in me. Do you? Yeah, I think Woody might be the most Hispanic. I think, like, realistically, I think I'm probably the most black. Probably. Kyle is the most... Well, who hates the Irish the most? The most likely to have some hate crimes in his... I'd say someone in Kyle's

family participated in a mass murder at one point. For sure, right? They're gonna be Armenian and German. Armenian genocide and Nazi Germany. Your ancestors have shown up many times throughout history. Genocide after genocide, Armenia. I like going to the border. It's somehow related to Stalin, too.

It's amazing. It's like, wow. Great. He did all the axes of evil. Kyle's grandparents. Chairman Mao somehow snuck his way in there. Your mom had a fling with him or something like that. Yeah, maybe I could see Kyle maybe being Bosnian.

Maybe there's some Bosnian there. There's some... You're a very block state-y. You have a block state face, you know? You have a very Eastern European look. Yeah, you look like you could be in the Gulag. Just because you kind of pretend. You're in the wrong time period.

Thank you. You're welcome. I've worked to cultivate that Eastern Bloc gulag. I mean, I like to think he'd be the prison guard, though, right? He wouldn't just be in a gulag. He'd be the torturer. He'd be the one that knew what was going down and didn't have the plausible deniability after the war.

Like when they were showing the video of all the atrocities and all the other soldiers were like, you know, burying their heads in shame. He'd be the guy in the back with popcorn like, I did that? You see me? See me waving? I increased the production at death camp 14 by 80%.

It's like, I was a goddamn good killer. It was like, I hooked it up to the barracks. Yeah. Yeah, that would be fun. We should do that. I really would like to know. Maybe we've got some evil in our genealogy. That'd be fun to root out.

We should make a wager who was the most of everything, and so see how wrong we were. You got superlatives for your genealogy before you even know it like who's the most evil who's the whitest i like that most likely to be eradicated by some string virus like to do like a a bloodline thing that let you know what your ancestors actually did though as well like i'd love to know if they were like slave or if he was on a merchant ship. That's Ancestry.com. You can do that, too.

I did that one time, and I just lost $80, and they never sent me anything. Is it really, really shitty? I don't know. That's just always what they're like, find your history, and you're like, oh, cool. I'm almost positive we didn't own any slaves at all. Wow.

You sound really disappointed about that. I didn't even own people. I think Wow. You sound really disappointed about that. You didn't even own people. I think it's going to be the whitest. I'll never own people, but I might rent Beetlejuice. Oh, that would be nice. I don't know if you've ever seen any of his work,

but he's hilarious. He literally is... I mean, he's retarded. He's like a circus freak or something. He's very interesting. I feel like Stern has a huge advantage in terms of putting on a great show with that cast around him. He does. He has a huge repertoire of weirdos and freaks and just misfits.

Yeah. And celebrities. I was listening to the show today. He had Channing tatum on um it wasn't long ago he had madonna on he's always got a list guess what amazing thing i know stern can do a cool thing which is he can get celebrities to like answer inappropriate questions right like i forget taylor asked chris hansen something maybe it was an oral question and he just wasn't going there but i feel like if howard stern

did the same thing you know he would go there like either because he's howard or because howard has a has a knack for it but you know he i i saw i'm sorry to butt in i saw you guys had howard or uh you had chris hansen on here that was the crazy i was just scrolling through trying to uh show sonja what you were doing. I was like, holy fuck, they had Chris Hanson as a guest on this? Pulled it up. I thought you were joking around like there he is sitting right there. That was a big fucking catch. That's awesome.

Thanks. Yeah. He's really pushing his new show and I really hope it gets made soon. I don't. Yeah. I was just like, I was so shocked to see that just like chilling on the podcast. I was like, great. We have some really cool ideas. I don't want to mention them because, one, I don't want them stolen. And, two, I don't want to let people down if we don't execute it.

But we've got some neat stuff coming up that I'm pretty psyched about. Do it, man. Did the tires Kyle bought actually suck? No. No. Wings is just an asshole about certain things. Like, you know, Cooper tires are just another brand of tire. Like, it's not a lower grade of tire.

I think I paid like $800 for that set of tires or something like that. Maybe $900 or something like that. They're expensive fucking like special. Can you give me a story to this? What what about tires somebody was shit talking tires wings came over and i think i was in the process of or i think kyle i think it was on the show and kyle was buying new tires for his camaro and he's looking at coopers and wings just was instantly like down on the cooper yeah and and i just had had this long conversation with jeremy and a tire guy about why the coopers are the way to go how they're like

yeah yeah you're actually getting this level of performance that these tires are at but it's priced like this level of performance so you're getting a top tier tire for a mid-tier price and i was like yeah yeah okay do that i don't fucking care I don't want the Pirelli's were like $1,200 a set or something retarded like that so it was like I went with the Cooper's and they've been just fine he made it sound like I was gonna I was gonna have a hard time driving down the road with these Cooper like bastard tires on my car did he give you like a reasoning or is he just like fucking I fucking hate the brand Cooper like he didn't give reasoning for it other than

I don't know. I mean, you know, I guarantee I've done more driving than Wings has. I don't know why he has an opinion on tires anyway. I've bought five or six sets of tires in my life, which I'm sure hails in comparison to Woody's tire buying experience.

But I bet Wings has only bought two sets of tires. What did you say, Ty? Who knows? Maybe Dr. John Cooper hit his grandmother. Maybe that happened. My tires are bald as fuck. Like, they're so bald. That's dangerous, Woody. You gotta change those bitches

out. Well, I actually ordered them. You should. But, like, at first it was like, well, there's not enough tread. Like, I should have more tread. Then it was like, well, there's not enough tread. Like, I should have more tread. Then it was like, well, this wouldn't pass inspection. And then now, like, some of my tires, there's literally no trace of tread. They're racing slicks.

How do you drive in the rain? Like, I wouldn't be that scared because I live in California and I waited a while. But, like, even just wearing the tire thin just makes it so easy to blow out. That's my fear. My fear is that they my fears that though And that fucks you because then you just you can't like I don't care how good a drive You're going into the median and like somebody's gonna die you think so Well, I don't I've never driven with a blown-out tire But I've driven behind one and it I don't know who's behind the wheel But it did not look like they had a fun time trying to drive it like within their lane because they they like it blew out so they immediately went towards the like front right

tire it like drug them into the right lane and then they like over corrected so their car spun out in the like in between the two lanes and then they hit the median and i was like well like yeah no i ordered new tires and then i had the team building event. So it literally might be like tomorrow. I'll get your tires. But yeah, they're bald as fuck. They're totally bald. So I think it is time for me to tell you guys a little bit more about Authors on Acid. Tell me. Our sponsor for tonight.

So I have a whole little ad read here that Chiz wrote me. And I think I'm just going to read it verbatim. So this episode of PKA is sponsored by Authors on Acid, the world's funniest mobile app game. It comes recommended to us by 9 out of 10 local binge-drinking dentists. Authors on Acid is a game designed for friends, strangers, and just about anyone else under the sun to collaborate and compete in writing in random, funny,

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leads to some of the stories making about as much sense as Arnold Schwarzenegger's political career. Chiz is hilarious. Chiz, you got me rolling. Once the turns are complete, the full story is revealed and players vote on their favorite sentence, but that's not all. Want cheats? Check. Want funny

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There you go. I get it now. He's actually right, that. He passed it along to me. When you listen to this, don't throw your own jokes in there, buddy. You're trying your best. What if that's the advertiser's joke and we're ripping on her? That was still bad, and they should feel ashamed. and we're ripping on our ads. That was still bad, and they should feel ashamed.

No, it was excellent, Tucker, and you shouldn't speak ill of their ads. I wasn't. I was speaking ill of whoever wrote that. Oh, no, we need to get the pictures back. What's great is the fact that the last time we did this, you actually called it like three seconds before it happened. You're like, ready?

I was just watching it. For what? Yeah, I was like, oh like all the calls broken four hours We've been on this call for a while because of me because I wasn't ready to start you're not Professionally we were on this call for an hour and a half before Before we got rolling, but is it darker like it looks like everybody's darker dark is darker. It gets like this It looks like everybody's darker. Darker.

It is darker. It gets like this. That's so stupid. Goddamn Skype. It doesn't stay that way, though. It may be... I don't know. I can maybe call it this way. Ten.

Nine. Eight. Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three. Two.

One. And. Didn't get it. God damn it. I was really hoping. From a higher number. Maybe that's the problem. one and Didn't get it Higher number maybe that's the problem. I don't really want to sit here while you count down Yeah, I think the counting down is done, but I believe you I can't see you Taylor So you went to e3 Tucker I did I'm gonna stop eating with some of your highlights out of e3 There was the controller there was fallout right so you said E3. There was the controller, there was Fallout. Right, so you said that you guys talked about the controller.

You know, you know what was cool about the controller to me? I felt like, finally, they had solved all of Aztecapper's complaints, and he's good now, right? Because all he's ever been about is like, hey,

I can't play fucking games. I play with my mouth and two working fingers. Cut me some slack here. He always went about it the wrong way, it seems. He wanted developers to put the map ability within their game, but here's a fucking controller that just solves all his problems. I feel like he's got nothing to complain about anymore. He should be loving it.

I felt that way for a while. It seemed like, to me, he enjoyed complaining about it anymore. He should be loving it. I felt that way for a while. It seemed like, to me, he enjoyed complaining about it. He picked the unwinnable fight, which is every game developer should have remapping stuff for the 1% that needs it. And, of course, this benefits

for more than that. The big thing I used to remember is I couldn't go from COD to Halo and back very easily. In particular, I think the reload button and, like, throw the grenade buttons were, like, the same. And that was always a challenge for me. But instead of having it in the game, if you have it in the hardware, then suddenly every game has it. And some people came out with it. I know Scuff has had remappable buttons for a while now.

And he didn't say like you know like ah mission accomplished it was like no let me continue fussing at developers well i think he's probably happier that now there's a solution than to keep complaining about it because i mean i haven't talked to him in years but it seemed like the last time we had him on he just really wanted to play games without having to like because watching him play was really like he had to like have it balanced on his palms or something and then like move he looked like a hungry chipmunk eating a controller yeah he had to keep moving his like i couldn't move my eyes like this that much and still keep focused on what i was doing on the screen you know it's like he's playing piano while on acid and focusing on the screen or not piano but harmonica pretty crazy

yeah he's definitely playing on hard mode I think that the difference with scuff so scuff basically the remaps are just the paddles so you can have 2 to 4 buttons that are remapped there and it's not like you're remapping anything there you're simply assigning the same button

to those 2 buttons behind it's not like you're changing the A button to be something other than A it's that you're assigning the A button to one of the four paddles which is great and for most people that accomplishes what you needed to do for like the competitive thing you needed to like maybe sprint was now a click instead of you moving your thumb stick in or something or jump is different so you don't have to move your thumb off of the aiming thing just in a few seconds i broke my hand yet i was like a pro YouTuber at the time. So Scuff made me a controller where the paddle on the back

was sprint. And I no longer needed to like use my broken hand to lean on that damn sprint thing. Which is great, right? I actually did that remap because of my thumb would get sore after playing like, you know, hours and hours of sprint, sprint, sprint, you know, because that's all you'd hit. These could be by the definition of

first world problems. Probably. Examples should be like under the definition when they have those like italics examples. My thumb would hurt from sprinting so much in Call of Duty. So I bought a $150 controller so I wouldn't have to deal with it. Yeah, but I will say that the

big, alright, so I did get hands on with that MLG controller and I thought that it was way better than build quality, comfortable, just being able to be comfortable with the fact that it is what it is, having the placement of the sticks and everything. I will say that while I love Duncan, Duncan, I love you, my bud, who runs Scuf, but it's a first-party controller. The Scuf is a modified Xbox One controller.

No matter how you look at it, it is a repainted controller with a paddle on the back. But the Xbox One is elite. What's up? The back panel, he throws away the stock one and puts on a new one. He puts it back in. But, I mean, for all intents and purposes, it's just the Xbox One controller. He definitely starts with an Xbox. Right.

is it's just the Xbox One controller. He definitely starts with an Xbox, yeah. The MLG one is built by Xbox from the ground up without modifications, so it's just everything is meant to work in with the remappable paddles. So it's not just... The three most impressive things were it was really easy to just take off the paddles and shit.

They were magnetic, so you literally went pop, pop, pop, pop. They're all off, and you could just put them back on, but at no point did I feel like they were going to fall off. So that pretty much amazed me. But there were 250 remappable profiles per controller, all stored on the controller. So you could have Forza, Halo, you know, every game you ever wanted with multiple different, like, remapped scenarios for it. every game you ever wanted with multiple different remapped scenarios for it. And then on top of that, every button and thumbstick and everything was reprogrammable. So you could have, by flipping a switch, you could have hair triggers,

so you would only have to pull a fraction of the inch. Or you could also have hair triggers on the default pull but like the pull distance was was actuated so you would only have to pull it like the same amount as a hair trigger but you could pull it all the way and if you wanted to like there was just you could change the individual thumbstick sensitivities like you know they basically like it's first-party shit so they're just they're able to be like everything our controller does like you can now fuck with it like whatever you want to do so While Scuf was limited based

on what they could do with the hardware, the Xbox controller was just like, whatever you want to do, you can do it now because it's first-party stuff. I think that they did a really good job with it, but it's not going to kill Scuf. Scuf's still awesome, and they still have the pro brands and all that shit.

And the Xbox controller's still priced at the same price point at 150 so until next year until next year yeah you think it's gonna go down to like 100 i thought they would announce it at 100 that would be crazy depends on the sales it really depends on the sales i think i would imagine i'll say that i want to say if you really deck out a scuff it's more than 150 also it's way i mean it's like 200 and some but when you get custom colors and leds i think they do a 225 one do they i don't know i haven't looked at their pricing recently but i think it used to be you could get 250 or okay yeah that's like a serious thing controller what's that i don't know what scuff is is that just a controller company

so what scuff would do is they take a Microsoft controller and they take the back panel out and the electronics out. And then now they put a new back panel on, which is important. The reason that's important is they used to just put paddles on the stock back. They didn't mount quite right or quite as durably. Now that they have their own back panel, it's grippier. It handles sweat better. And the paddles on the back, yeah, you can see how they're beautiful. You can see it's like it's grippier it handles sweat better and the the paddles on the back yeah

you can see how you can see it's like a remington like you know how the remington has that like raised grip like almost rubberized paint or whatever it's got that remington grip i don't have the back panel but basically there's two paddles on here and then for comparison here's the razor version which has these two like rocker triggers that you basically put your thumb in or your finger in there i preferred this and i used this but they also have yeah they also had an led panel so you could adjust the thumbstick sensitivities i thought this and this one only cost 69 i thought this was the superior controller to anything that anything anybody's ever released i still think it's a better deal it feels like you can program everything like the xbox one think it's a better deal. It feels like you can program everything like the Xbox one controller

It's just build quality is way shittier than the you know any than the scuff or anything like that The scuff just like a redone Xbox can it is yeah But they put a new back panel and they put the paddles on the back now the thing is when you when you have a Controller you're really just using your thumbs to play the game right that's it's it. Some people do a claw, but that'll wear your hands out and give you arthritis. So you just use your thumbs, and then, like, for example, to reload, you have to take your finger off the aim, right? If you want to jump, I'm trying to get my – I do it without thinking, but I think if you want to jump, you take it off and whatever.

So that would be, like, A. So, like, if you're aiming with this and this is jump in order to get jump you have to you can't aim now so instead of moving this you basically remap jump to be a paddle so you would be able to jump while still aiming so it would complete you wouldn't have to ever remove your thumb stick from the mine has four paddles in the back it's called the animal and uh now you because you I wish I had one in my hand but uh you like you can hold it and you've got all these fingers in the back that are going unused in your gaming experience well they don't have to be now you can jump and aim at the same time maybe you find it difficult to

aim and like do the tactical push down thing at the same time we can put that on the back and it just allows you to do more at one time because they do PlayStation controllers which is what's hilarious is that scuffs main demographic is I would argue 90% of their sales come from Call of Duty perfect like mostly Call of Duty players so then Xbox announces their elite controller and call of duty switches to playstation so scuff is relatively unaffected considering they just sell playstation controllers anyways for scuff stuff so like when call of duty pros switch to playstation and all the kids that want to be call of duty pros switch to playstation scuff still sells their control playstation are

they getting their stuff first or are they both getting at the same time first same deal that xbox had you know that like one month exclusivity shit but on playstation now Are they getting their stuff first, or are they both getting it at the same time now? First. Same deal that Xbox had. You know, that, like, one-month exclusivity shit. Uh-huh. But on PlayStation now. So it's just completely swapped. Yeah. That's weird.

So now our PlayStation player is going to get way, way better. They got... No, dude. PlayStation players still suck. Do they really? Yeah, they're so bad at every video game. It's the greatest. I don't know what it is. Like, the average skill level of a PlayStation player is way less.

I don't even care. People are going to get so mad. It's a fact, man. Every game. FIFA? Go look at the FIFA pricing points for all the players. It's like 50% less expensive because nobody plays FIFA. There's less players. There's less good players So you just run into like shitty players all the time. It's great I'm gonna get the new NHL game on PlayStation because I am tired of getting my shit packed in Exactly. I don't play any game at all. Like I think it's so good

Like I'll play a couple games on hard mode and I'm like, alright, I'm winning by like one goal but it's close and this is a really difficult mode I get on in some little you know XX stealthy McGovern's 91 is just like 10 to nothing just like it's not even close like he's doing he's doing button moves that I didn't know how to do like I just figured out how to like hold a and it's like oh I wonder I wonder if he's going to expect me to move with the puck over here, away from him, and then he just, like, knocks my stick up and steals it. Bitch, what button was that?

Hey, hey, what button did you just hit? Figure it out. Eat shit, faggot. God damn it. I hate playing sports games online I'm so that's funny I I had considered at one point playing Mortal Kombat online but like I know better I know better there's no reason to do that right like I can beat the game on hard but it's not gonna come down huh why would you put yourself down like that yeah it would be awful I know I don't want to play against those motherfuckers they're out there with game pads and they've been playing mortal combat for like like everyone that's ever come out meanwhile i've played one four years ago

like no there's no reason to even do it i'll just keep playing like people in my living room and enjoying that those fighting games are not fun to play against people who play all the time like when i mash on that and i get like a combo, I'm like, all right, looking good. Like looking like this guy is starting to, everything's looking up, but then you like intentionally are like XX square Y, whatever, like intentionally hitting these orchestral combos, like they're Mozart over there with their controller, just consistently. Straight about that though. Cause you can kind of like, you can like hot key those combos so that they like, uh, they, they, though, because you can hotkey those combos. They're in an overlay on the screen.

So mid-game, you can just glance up, and there's your long-ass combo. And you can have five or six. I don't even know what the limit is. It's multiple combos. This is so sad. We used to just beat the fuck out of people in online gaming. I know you're right. There's a skill the skill curve woody three four years ago It was like I pity the fool who gets stuck in a lobby with me

I'm going to push your shit in now. It's like why would I be going online? They just hurt my feelings Like such a low skill level like yeah I mean you're you you're like an old dude, and you could dominate lobbies like that's not how video games should be Like you need to invest like 300 hours to be halfway decent in at a game I guess not how Call of Duty is and it's and it's and I love it for that like I love the ability to just Jump hop on and fucking destroy a bunch of kids that are like oh, this is so cool first-person shooters I drop like a 90 bomb like that are like, oh, this is so cool, first-person shooters. I drop, like, a 90 bomb. Like, that's great for me and my confidence, but

Counter-Strike, Mortal Kombat, like, games that take, like, dedication. Mortal Kombat has, like, layers of skill, though. When you start countering moves and, like, on the fly. When you interrupt your own combo because you know they're gonna faint in, so you're like, fuck you, bitch, going in with another one. You're like,

oh, too much. Yeah, I accidentally do that occasionally, and it rewards you when you do that sort of thing, and I'm like, fuck yeah, total accident, whatever. It's just like, it's like you're doing a combo, and then they, like, interrupt your combo with, like, three or four moves, and then you're like, I don't think so, and you're like, ah, and, like, rip their heart out and beat them with their arms.

Yeah, Super Smash, right, Kyle? Super Smash. Super Smash Brothers, right? so and you're like ah and like rip their heart out and beat them with their arms yeah super smash right kyle like he has all the smash brothers right i thought it was really pretty soft that game until i started watching people online like playing with characters that i thought were shit but it turns out that i'm just shit at playing doing like grappling moves throwing them in the air like comboing them just Yeah, it's ridiculous. Me and Chiz played with Filthy Robot a few weeks ago and Civ and just really got the shit beat out of us.

So I'm hoping that we're going to try that again at some point. He's coming to the paintball event, I think. I'm pretty sure he is. But that was an interesting game, playing with him and his buddies. I don't know why he thought it would be a good idea to get his friends who are equally good at the game to play with us, but we ended up getting gobbled up. It was rough. Even with him and his friends on your team?

Well, it was a free-for-all. So right out of the gate, one of these guys rushes Chiz with a ton of early, early units and just kills Chiz. Outright, 50 moves into the game, basically. He takes Chiz with like a ton of early early units and just kills Chiz like outright like 50 moves into the game basically he takes Chiz's capital and then from there on it was like this weird bullshit where one player was leading in score so much that he could afford to give another player all these knights so and he was using those knights plus his own army to fight filthy off and meanwhile like I'm just way behind. Chiz is completely crippled living on one little bitch city.

And the other guy was just playing everybody and just sitting unwilling to help us fight the other players. It was bullshit. Eventually we just quit. We just said, alright, fuck it. How many hours before you quit? I don't know, eight? Like all fucking day?

Dude, we started this thing at 10am. I got up at 9.30am and took a shower just for a Civ game, and we played from 10 a.m. until like 7 p.m. or something like that. I like that Kyle's like, I got up at 9.30 a.m. Do you recognize the sacrifice? That's exactly it. Like, I got up specifically. It wasn't like, good morning. Well, it's time to start that it was like

all right i gotta get up it's the sib game starts in half an hour like the whole reason i woke up at that time was like the sib game and it just went blind panic of like i'm gonna be late no no i had i had enough time to get dressed and everything but um hopefully next time we play we don't just get absolutely shit on like that. That was not fun at all. That was not good. Yeah. Even Filthy got pooped on. It was a bad situation.

Part of the reason I did so poorly is because there was a natural wonder between his capital and my capital, and he rushed in and took it from me. I don't feel like it's fair for him to criticize how far behind i slipped because like he took my good city spot and then left me over here in a desert where like i had nowhere to go i had no no good city spots couldn't you argue that he outplayed you to the national oh he totally did he totally did yeah yeah he definitely

did but like that set me back for the rest of the game. And he didn't need that city spot. He had tons of city spots. He plays so wide, I don't know how he stays happy. I could talk to him. Well, sometimes he doesn't. So you've got to think that each city is three unhappiness. It took us a while to figure out how to play as wide as they do. They build lots of cities very early. You've just got to manage the happiness.

You've got to settle on real estate that has luxury resources. You've got to always be doing trades with other players. And you've got to recognize which resources are valuable. All luxuries are valuable, but sometimes there's a luxury there that's a unique luxury that there's only one copy of, and that's very valuable. So you want to do this thing? I think it was a topic they asked us to look into. I've heard of this but I don't know what it is.

So click on my link and then open one. I like the top one. But essentially they ask Reddit if they are the asshole. And they just want to know. I think for the game that they posted in the PKA Redditdit they want woody they

don't want me and kyle or tucker to look at this so that we get an idea of what the forum thinks as to whether or not who's the asshole they want to get our opinion and see if we're right or wrong about someone being an asshole is that right that's how i read it that's how i read it too all right so i'll take the top one and then we read the like top comment and like and that apparently is the correct answer or like we just reflect on it yeah we should yeah okay go like top this week yeah top all because I've never done don't do top all top awesome shit top this month if you're gonna do that shit. Um... Top month? How do you do top month? Just go to top, and then it'll...

Oh, okay. Kyle's looking at the answers. Yeah, come on, fucking Kyle. What do you mean I'm looking at the answers? I don't even know what the answers are. What are you talking about? Get the fuck off the webpage! Cheating asshole. This person is the asshole, or this person is not an asshole we don't we're gonna oh yes what they are going to think we're gonna figure out which one of us thinks assholes are assholes

oh all right i like this i'm gonna i just like the top of the title all right yeah the length is pretty long but we'll see am i the asshole hooking up with a girl who has a boyfriend? Yes. So I know that girl barely but for a long time. We haven't had any interaction in the past couple of years. However, two weekends ago, we met again at a big party. She was flirty, saying how good-looking I am and how horny I make her. She's really good-looking, and I'm not often the target of such flirty behavior. As the night went on, we fooled around, and she said she has a boyfriend. I wasn't sure what to do, but I was horny and she was horny. We were both tipsy,

so we had fun that night. Fast forward to today and we're both messaging each other a bit and she still thinks that I'm bloody handsome. I'm a bit unsure what to do. As I said, I'm not often the target of this much affection, so to be completely honest, I think the whole thing is kind of exciting. At the end of the next week, her boyfriend is away for a couple weeks and she wants to meet. The question I have now, am I an asshole if I agree? And there's a bunch of edits here. I don't know her boyfriend and I have no clue

how their relationship is going. I only know that she hadn't had sex in a long while. Thanks everyone for actually having a decent conversation. I made my mind up. I'll meet her, etc. This guy is not an asshole and i'll tell you so this relationship is clearly over before it began like this this is over she's already cheating on him it's done it's it he doesn't know this guy but she's throwing herself on him and by not sleeping with her she's not just gonna be like oh you know what yeah you're right i'm just gonna go sleeping with her, she's not just going to be like, oh, you know what? Yeah, you're right. I'm just going to go back to my boyfriend. She's going to go

sleep with someone else. Who will? So he's just giving that up to someone else. This relationship is over. The fact that she dropped the I have a boyfriend line, that was her plausible deniability of, well, I told him. I told him and he still chose to get together with me. This relationship is over. He seized seized an opportunity but what he should do is make sure that not him obviously but somebody else tells in a roundabout way that boyfriend like hey i heard that stacy is cheating on you like again this is some evidence for it but make sure you keep yourself out of it so it doesn't seem like some underhanded thing to her but that guy does need to find out yeah dude i'm, I'm all about that. I was going to say, at first I was like, yeah, dude, you're the asshole. He's not the asshole because there's nothing directly like,

I mean, you could be like, yeah, you're an asshole to the guy. No, he can fuck the girl and then use that to be the savior and tell the dude and be like, listen, banged your chick, horrible situation, you're gonna want to dip out of this. So he can sort of, he can redeem his ass on his, he's got, if he goes in for the girl, he's gotta repay that by making sure that that dude

understands that his girlfriend is not at all like, faithful. Because you're right, like, she's not gonna be like, oh, this one guy was like, no, I'm not gonna have sex with you, so I should just be faithful. But, he's gotta repay the nook, no, I'm not going to have sex with you. So I should just be faithful. But he's got to repay the nookie with, you know, your girlfriend's a whore. A little bit of justice.

Kyle? I think he's an asshole because he knows that this girl's dating some guy and that she's like making a clear effort to do it behind the guy's back. And he's participating in that. Now, I'm not saying that I might not uh fall right along beside him but i am saying that what he's doing is an asshole-ish thing there's a guy somewhere who would not who would think that he is definitely an asshole do i play do i play too or just read the top you can play too if you i think the guy's an asshole i think the guy's an asshole he knows he's an asshole that's why he's on the forum um he can tell the girl that she's got to break up first.

And I agree with Taylor that the relationship is not going well. That's why she's cheating. But you can't just fucking... If she tells you she has a boyfriend and you're still doing it, I get his temptation. He's not often the target of this kind of affection. But he's just an asshole. You know, Woody's one little sentence, like,

of he knows he's an asshole, that's why he's here. Like, that was like a slap in the face of, like, a little bit of logic of, like, you wouldn't go there if you didn't feel like you were being an asshole and, like, know on some level. So I think all of these people are going to be and i haven't read it so i don't know but i think they're all going to be assholes on a gradient you know so it's like entering the degree to which they're being an asshole so clearly this guy's not or

this person isn't in the clear it's not like a yeah you go keep doing this but they're not like a complete like trying to sabotage someone asshole yeah i wanted like i was gonna say there's like a complete like trying to sabotage someone asshole. Yeah, I wanted like I was going to say there's like a scale there on an asshole scale, especially if he follows through and makes an effort to make sure that this guy understands the situation. He's probably like at a solid three. Like, yes, he's an asshole to the dude, but he's far from like going in and like making an effort to fuck somebody who's like, I have a boyfriend. I'm not. And he's like, but no, you're going to have sex with me

and this is what's up. Not all women at all, but there are women on Earth whose kink is being a homewrecker. Who thinks it's they get an extra sort of sense of ego boost. They're probably dudes too. But they get an extra

ego boost by pulling a guy out of a happy marriage. And that makes them feel good. He's not that guy, right? He's somewhat less of an asshole than the woman I just described. But still an asshole. One to five, I'm going to two him. One to five is, on a scale of ten to ten,

with one to five being not an asshole by this standard, but still being an asshole. Because they wouldn't be coming to this forum for validations if they thought that what they did was only up and up, because they'd feel okay about it. And 6 to 10 is like, you're legitimately an asshole. Like, you are 100%, or not like 60 to 100% in the wrong wrong you're actively seeking out bad behavior because all of this the nature of this kind of discussion forum everybody knows that something they did is a little skeevy and they're looking for their feelings to be validated and they just want a big group hug of you know you i didn't do anything you didn't do anything wrong you're all on the right so yeah this guy i'd say he's a on that scale probably a four he's certainly underneath the threshold

to be he's he's an act like he on our on this scale he's an asshole so he's he's underneath that yeah yeah I put him on the cusp five or six he's right there wow you're lobbing him up there yeah well you know he's I understand both knows the girls taken yeah and all right so what's the top comment say? Oh, right. Oh, the top comment says they are both assholes. Oh, so we all won. But that's such a cop-out.

That's like... That's not the... The point is to figure out if the dude or girl, whoever is posting, we need to figure out if they are assholes or if, like, yeah, they engaged in asshole-ish behavior, but the fact that you're here and like we understand the situation and can sympathize you like it's passable like nobody's gonna label you as asshole okay i'll tell you what i'll go to the second top comment you're an

asshole she's an even bigger asshole i was just still a cop out man she's the he's the smaller asshole in the asshole you know okay third highest comment you're an asshole asshole and she's the he's the smaller asshole in the asshole you know okay third highest comment you're an asshole asshole and she's a fucking cunt all right we're just like he's up here on asshole and she's the six to ten like we you know we're all in agreeance here all right would you like another one yeah that's gonna be good am I the asshole for refusing to sell drugs to my mother my mom visited me in Oregon recently, and she insisted that we drive up to Washington where pot is legal

so that she could buy some and ship it to herself. The problem was the post office was closed for Memorial Day, and she tried to send it, and she left the next day. Sorry, it's not well written. She asked me to ship it to her, and at first I didn't have a problem with it, but then I got to thinking. Sending pot across state lines counts as drug trafficking. And even in such a small amount, less than an ounce, it's punishable by up to five years in federal prison.

When I told her this, she said there was almost no chance that I'd get caught if I packaged it really well. I still refuse. Now she's getting a friend to ship it for her. But I can tell that she's really pissed. Is there something I'm missing here? Everyone I talk to says I made the right choice but i still feel bad so her mom bought pot in washington where it's legal and to ship it back involves her son taking a small risk in oregon right is where they they are that's right. All right. He's not an asshole. Like, you know, the laws for that are super,

especially with, like, a border state between Washington and border states on Colorado. They don't fuck around with that. Like, they are very, very strict on that stuff. And the fact that it's a federal crime as well, state lines are a very big deal. Even if it wasn't, like, even if he was just like, can you go to Washington, buy me weed and bring it back?

That's still pretty fucked up. You're not an asshole for not breaking the law. This person is not an asshole. See, I was going into this until Woody got through reading thinking this was going to be a situation where she went to his house and she knew he sold drugs and was like, hey, can I get a hundred bucks? He was like,

no, mom. no fucking way yeah he's telling my friends i was gonna be like oh shit you dick but this is totally different she's saying there's almost no chance to get caught yeah your son could go to jail for five years yes that's really fucked up i'm out of come of drugs you aren't that guy is not an asshole he's doing the smart move not getting arrested for something that petty. Furthermore, mom's an asshole in this situation. Mom is an asshole. Mom, how dare you put your son at risk

for going to prison because you want to score pot. Fuck off, mom. It's not even like, you know, it's not even like we're talking about heroin or something that's legitimately, like, you could go to high school and be like, yo, I need some pot. Like, let's be real here.

You're probably going to be able to find somebody who's skeevy enough to sell you pot. It's like it's, you know, you don't risk federal prison over getting your son to ship you cross-country pot when you're just too lazy to go out and get your skeevy connections yourself. Kyle, you want to weigh in? Yeah, I agree. your skeevy connections yourself. Kyle, you want to weigh in? Yeah, I agree. Yeah, you can't be mad at someone who doesn't want to be involved

in criminal activity for you. If you wanted to ship weed across state lines, you should have done that yourself. Yeah, pretty much. The top-rated comments are pretty much the same, but I'm reading the second because it's better worded. Your mom is most definitely the asshole.

Mothers and fathers is supposed to protect you and help you learn to better yourself not encourage you into risky behavior it doesn't matter if you're being a bit paranoid it's an obvious crime and not at the level of jaywalking there you go there you go mom i feel like that one's pretty cut and dry though that one was way less less morally fence walking yeah that one's just like, you gotta save yourself there, homie. See if you can find some more gray area shit.

I'll get a free point on that one. We're all up to two. Fuck yeah! Alright. But yeah, that's... I do like this idea, though. This is a quality idea whoever came up with this. Oh, I like this one.

Discussion. Am I the asshole for snapping at my friend for trying to advise me on my eating habits? This is bad timing given the current Reddit outrage. Oh, I see. It's right around the fat people hate. Fat people hate, yeah. Yeah. So I will give a quick background info.

Basically, I'm currently at a healthy BMI, but my weight isn't the issue here. Irritable balance syndrome is. Every time we get a meal together, he raises concerns about how little I'm eating. When I'm out eating with people, I get small meals because I fear larger meals will trigger a reflex, which will make me shit my pants. I can't count the number of close calls I've had in the last month alone. And I told him that this is the reason and time and time again, and we are pally enough for that not to be a weird thing to discuss. He just doesn't get it. He's aware of my condition, but frequently he berates me about my attitude to skip meals because I'm a believer of only eating when you're hungry. When I do eat out, we'll opt for the smallest thing on the menu. Sorry, it's

red, funny. This creates the illusion that I barely eat, but I eat heartier meals when I'm at home where a toilet will always be available to me I'm not a skeleton this friend isn't exactly inspirational in his own eating habits although he lost a lot of weight recently which I'm very proud of him for his idea of a snack is a 750 gram block of chocolate polished off

with a coke and a half a bag of Doritos anyway after yet another comment over breakfast I had a banana and a cup of tea and he had maple bacon and pancakes and ice cream i finally had enough of his advice and lost my temper i told him stop giving me advice because he isn't at all empathetic about my condition and said i wouldn't take his advice on dieting admittedly a not so subtle backhanded comment about his own shitty habits in my weak defense my bud sugar was low at the time i see this is one of those you may have over snapped right he could have yeah but this is one where i could see how there are more details than are being brought to light right or

like there needs to be more exploration yeah exactly I see this guy that's giving him advice as the guy who just lost a ton of weight and I guess now is, like, the grand poobah of health and dieting and wants to kind of, like, spout his, you know, platform. I think he's a pussy. Why is he so, why is he coming on this thing and, like, asking all these people if his, like, friend at work's being an asshole or not? Is it a guy? Yeah, I thought it was. I thought they were both guys. all these people if if his if his like friend at works being an asshole or not like i feel like yeah it's i thought it was i thought they were both guys i just didn't i mean it well you're

right i guess it doesn't matter i just i guess i don't think i don't think it does i think he's just like yeah just tell him to fuck off like like i've never had an issue where like what he's been pressuring me to eat unhealthily i just don't know what I should do about it. You know, I want the fruit salad, but he's getting the chicken sandwich and shouldn't I get something? Like, no, stop being an asshole. Just fucking order whatever you need to order.

And if he says something, just tell him you don't want to shit your pants. Like, and say it loud enough so that everyone hears it. See, he's not saying that because I guarantee if these two guys are out and he's having his maple bacon you know fiasco pancakes and the other guys having a banana and tea and the dude's like oh why don't you eat more you know it's not healthy to not have protein and blah blah blah blah he could be like hey dude

I literally don't want to shit my pants no guy's gonna come back and be like well you haven't thought about the sodium levels and like they're to shut up. And so that makes me think that this guy isn't actually being as direct as he's leading the – Yeah, I was going to say, he needs to just – The first time. The first time that Tucker was like, no, man, I got to keep it light on lunch so I don't shit myself. I'd be like, ah, all right then.

Maybe that grilled chicken salad then or, you know, whatever. I'm sorry. It just sounds like they're both not like you know they're like whoever the the person who feels that fault is just not up front enough with whatever it is and if they are and the person's still like berating them then fuck you're not the asshole like by like shut up that bitch is so annoying then like that's a that's like a very i have my own i just wanted to interject real, is that I've noticed that when people use the word berating, they never actually mean what the word berating means.

I sincerely doubt his friend was standing up at... Like just... Like berating him. Pancakes, I can't believe you. That's berating. That's why I think he's a pussy, because I think that somebody just gave him a little bit of tussling. You know, like, oh, pussy, what's wrong?

Can't handle a man's breakfast? And he couldn't be like, no, not really. I'll shit my pants. What kind of adult diapers do you wear, George? Like, you know, I feel like he's just being kind of a pussy. That's what it sounds like. So I'm going to guess that they're saying that he is not an asshole and that his friend is an asshole.

But there are things that can mitigate this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I definitely think there are mitigating factors that mean that his friend is probably just enjoying his delicious breakfast and this guy is just a real bitch. I think he's not much of an asshole. I'll get to that, Tucker.

I think, you know, probably he shouldn't have snapped and and should have been more up front but not the biggest deal yeah yeah i've known it's not a life ending thing i have my own am i the asshole story would you guys like to hear it i'd love that yeah all right i will submit myself to this judgment so i have a team building event i have flown in people from scotland te California, and North Carolina. And we're just all pretty much the Woody Craft staff getting to know each other face to face because it adds a thing

above and beyond what over Skype does. That's outstanding by the way that you did that. That's pretty cool. Well, thanks. Anyway, we're out here. We're like playing putt-putt golf, go-kart racing, laser tag and whatever. And one of the guys, the younger one from Scotland, wants to get his dad a present at the mall.

And I'm like, all right, you know, we can work it in. Like there's a mall near laser tag or something. We'll get a snack and I work into the schedule. We get to the mall and first he looks for new shoes. He's from Scotland and the prices here are much better than he's accustomed to. So it's like a rare opportunity. And also I guess the exchange rates when he goes back into euros or pounds aren't as good. So there's some money lost by not taking advantage of this. He doesn't find the shoes he wants. Then he gets a present for his father and then he starts looking for like other hoodies and stuff like that and um um it's all good and cool you know i love this guy and uh um but as he's checking out like the rest 17 as he's checking out the rest of the staff is kind of like you know this has been going on a little longer than it should have or whatever

and um like i knew that they were checking out but they were checking out like 10 minutes ago or like 12 minutes ago like it's a long time in line and uh i go to like see you know what the scoop is how much longer it'll be or whatever and the cashier is this creepy fucking pedo stash jackass who is just like taking longer than he should you know adding conversation to the cashier process and you're like taking too long or whatever and then he's like all right i know you're ready to go but i've got one more thing to tell you all about there's a survey here on the receipt if you go to this survey and do whatever and i'm like all right all right all right, all right, all right. You've had your chance.

We don't care about your survey. And we all grab our stuff and go. And I still feel like I made the situation awkward for everyone. No, no. You probably did, but I wouldn't be like... Look, I got very, very little patience for that bullshit. If I'm at GameStop and they start trying to sign me up for shit and get me involved with coupon codes, I'm just like, like, no. No, no, no, none of that.

Like, like, fucking- I'll start swiping my card and it's not ready and I'm just like, Cha-chink! Cha-chink! Cha-chink! Like, like, doesn't seem to be working. He's like, well, I'm just trying to get you to- Cha-chink! Cha-chink! I just hit five times and and i leave that's my rule you know at some point i serve you i don't like all that bullshit i'm with you 100 like i'll cut them off i'll be rude to them i was at a chicken place so i will i will i will give you a non-asshole stamp um and you guys can feed it can give them your thoughts on that and then i've got one too

i think okay well i am saying you definitely made it awkward, but making something awkward doesn't make you an asshole. I hate it, just like Kyle, when I'm at some inconsequential fucking stupid store like Radio Shack that I go to. Do you have your CVS card? Yeah, do you have a CVS card? How often do you need overpriced off-brand Doritos?

I'm like, come here! I fucking never need those, so don't sign me up for a bullshit credit card. Don't offer it to me. Just break me up. I don't even want a receipt, because even if you charge me twice as much as what I bought here, it's still like $9. So just leave. Like, don't bother me. Especially if they have that sales pitch to give you, and they don't give it immediately.

Especially if they have that sales pitch to give you and they don't give it immediately. And they go on a meandering trail through, you know, shithead woods and nothing they say matters. And then they get to it, finally ready to leave. That's just a terrible tactic when you're trying to convince someone to do something. Because they're already checked out. They're ready to go. Especially when you can see there's a party waiting for them. That's inconsiderate on his part.

Not an asshole. Not an asshole. Not an asshole. Okay, so I was at this restaurant called Chicken Express. It's like a drive. There's a drive-thru attached. They sell chicken there. It's kind of like KFC. And their menu, you know, the speaker of the menu doesn't work.

So I'm parked by it, and a girl walks out of the restaurant with a notepad. But she didn't have a notepad. She asked me what I want and I'm just like, I've never been there before. I don't really know the menu. At McDonald's, I know what a number one is. It's a Big Mac combo. A number two is two fucking cheeseburgers. I know this shit.

But at Chicken Express, I've got no clue. So I'm just like, what is this place called? Chicken Express. It's new to me. Go on. Yeah. So I order my food. I'm like, I don't know.

I'll get a number two with corn nuggets and a sweet tea, and she'll get a number three with blah, blah, blah. I'm not even really sure what's in this stuff. I just see, oh, yeah, mashed potatoes, gravy, chicken. This will work. So I get to the window, and they're like, what did you order? I'm like, I'm not really sure. I kind of knew when we were out there, and she's like what did you order and i'm like i'm not really sure what i kind of knew when we were out there and she's like oh and the and she tells the other girl he forgot what he ordered

and i was like no no no you forgot what i ordered i knew and i told you and and like now you don't have it and everybody kind of ignored that comment and i'm just kind of like like she forgot what i ordered can i get around for validation ignored that comment and I'm just kind of like like she forgot what I ordered and and so like she goes on and on and then a leather lady comes she's like you don't know what you ordered and I'm like yeah I I know what I ordered I I got like two different combos with chicken and mashed potatoes and cord nuggets and a couple of sweet teas but like I told her and she I was I said you know if she had written it down when i told her the first time we wouldn't be having this problem and nobody really said anything to that so finally i was just like they were still struggling with this whole thing but like not knowing what to give me so i was like you know

what here here's your here's the drinks back i was like here you can have these back i'm gonna go somewhere where they could take orders and i made a big scene, and they acted like they were shocked. And I might have cursed a little. But I felt... You need to be able to accurately establish the situation. Honesty is paramount. Did you say, here, take your drinks. I'm going to go fuck off.

Or were you like, go fuck yourself. Here are your beverages, bitches. Because I was like, I'm just going to go somewhere else. And she acted like she was shocked. And I was like, here, take these. You have these back. I don't want them. I don't want them.

And I was like, here's the straws. I was gone by then. Dude, first of all, not an asshole. Fuck those people who forgot your order. Fuck them with a broken broomstick. But also, you know who else I want to fuck? People who get really upset with cursing right if I'm talking to time warner cable and I'm on hold for like 40 minutes and I finally get some

fucking thickly accented jackass who might be able to send like the reset message to my modem and make it work again and I'm like oh my god I'm so happy you're here this shit's making me crazy and then they come back with no sir no sir no sir you're like I just said not shit don't say that what accent is that it's idiot is that any accent i don't know that i could do the needful now it's just like fuck all i did is drop an s-bomb and now you're acting like you can't help me and it's bullshit i get very frustrated very conscious never to curse on those lines because they don't want to talk to you any more than you want to talk to them and they want to you know stamp your hang up on this jackass move on to the next person card and just get it going but I'm on your gradient I give

you like a cuz knowing your personality I'm gonna give you like a two because I know that you were not the the patron saint of fast here's my fucking you were a little snarky and mean, but there's also no excuse for their level 9 assholishness making a passive-aggressive comment with an earshot of you. He forgot his order. Doesn't know what he wants. And it's like, I told you

motherfucker. I would've gotten I don't have to submit for forever. Like, I gave you the information. You give me the chicken. I'm not supposed to submit to questioning at any point throughout this order. Like, you can't come to me later and be like, mashed potatoes, right? Like, what if I get it wrong? Like, you're supposed to know.

It's not hard to ask food. I assume they have a list, and they're like, hmm, who's the next person to come up? Oh, well, that would be the next one on the list. I wonder who the person three people from here is. No, I don't, because it's three people down on the list. Just go on the list, right? I get really pissed off whenever I'm dealing with any kind of customer service,

but internet issues specifically, because the first time... I'll have an internet issue, and I'll have been on the phone with three different customer support motherfuckers throughout the day. I've called the local office and the regional office and some jackass on the internet and like this is my my third hour of

trying to get help and i get fucking omar and omar's like have you tried pressing the reset switch and i just want to be like motherfucker don't you know who i am like like like i don't want to be hearing about reset switches i yeah, I held it for 10 seconds, asshole. That's what I did before I involved you people. What makes me really mad is when you know that you are at a level that is probably on par with their understanding of the subject, and you just want to get to somebody who's way smarter. You want to get to somebody who says shit that you don't understand,

and you're like, well that you don't understand, and you're like, well, I don't fucking know how to do that, so walk me through it, dude. So when you have, like, I remember since I have Fios, I was having a slowdown on Twitch, and I was like, listen, I ran a trace route on my fucking computer. Here's it timing out. Here's the nodes that it's timing out on.

Your ISP, like, go contact these people. The guy goes, well, sir, usually when we have internet issues, we ask you to turn off your router. And I just went, can I please speak to your supervisor? I'm calling up and I'm going to give the next guy your employee number. I'm going to fucking raise hell. And he goes, I will get you my supervisor. I'm like, hey, man, I ran a trace route. Here's the issue. And he's like, okay, let me forward you to my network administrator who's going to walk you through some shit that you don't know what to do he's gonna get your data and he's gonna fix it and i'm like yes it's hard to get that guy on the phone it's so hard to get that guy a lot per hour if you have a business line you go straight to him like in my not at this house my last line i had a business line because um it was reasonably priced through Cisco and I just kept it forever.

And yeah, you call up, within five seconds there's a human on the phone who is an expert in the field. That's so nice. Yeah, and I'll run down like what I did prior to talking to him. Like, all right, here's the deal. I'm dropping packets. I tried reset, I tried turning off the modem, I tried this, I tried connecting directly to it. I don't know what the scoop is, but it's still dropping packets. I tried reset. I tried turning off the modem. I tried this. I tried connecting directly to it.

I don't know what the scoop is, but it's still dropping packets. Here's a screenshot of a ping, and I'll grab a particularly rough section to make it look bad. Yeah, of course. Right? And this is what I'm looking at. And he's not telling me to reset my modem. He's not telling me to do all the things I already gave him. It was great service. Yeah, business class is the bomb.

That's nice. But it's like $250 a line and I've got two lines here. My guy will be like, well, the squirrels must have got to the line again. We'll see you next month. Yeah. I used to tear into the village, people. We're out of that area right now. We're having a lot of squirrel

activity down by there. Dude, so I used to have a phone service called Vonage. Have you guys ever heard of that? Oh my God, fucking Vonage. One of those commercials. Dude, so here's the deal. Back when not having a home line was weird, and I was trying to save a buck, and I had Vonage, unlimited long distance calling, which is something Jackie needed with her family and stuff.

So we had Vonage and it went out, like it would break and it would stop working. And cell phones at the time only had like an hour, hour and a half of talk time. So I'd have a fully charged cell phone and I'd call them on that because clearly they needed to like reset shit that would break Vonage on the call and uh I'd be on the phone for an hour it wouldn't get solved and my phone would cut off so I start with calls with Vonage and I'd be like look twice now I have had hour-long calls and my cell phone dies you are level one support you don't want none of this and and they would do it they'd be like all right get you to level two all right level two you don't want none of this i've done this i've done that i've had two level two guys pass me on to three let's just skip this yeah

and and they would do that too and i would just be super hardcore with them. I'm not exaggerating. I have a hard time. We're doing fucking Vonage, Woody. So I melt down before I'm able to articulate clearly to level one and two that I need level three. Instead, I get filled with frustration and anger, and I literally say things like, I don't think you're following along very well. Is there someone else I could talk to there? And that always pisses them off for whatever reason I literally said that to a guy last time I was I was like I don't it doesn't sound like you're following along very well is

there someone else I could talk to and that was definitely an asshole move but he did pass me along to someone who could pick up on what I was saying with cables so I have a commercial grade router, right? I like it because if I get DDoS'd, I can still work it and it doesn't freeze. So they're always like turn your router on and off and it's like, no, this is not a 1995 router. Like you don't have to

reset things, but I just lie to them. I'm like, yeah, I'm doing it now. Yeah. Yeah, on and off. 30 seconds before, oh, the green lights on look at that check your end should be up yeah up reset i i totally fake it with them like

I've done that I think everyone has it's just because because it's easier than being like actually already did that because that they might bounce back you do well sir you know just to be sure we got to follow the steps from a to b i can't really go outside those lines. Kyle, you can't do that.

If you fake it, they won't know how to service you better. I really hate dealing with those people. I always get too frustrated, and I always melt down. I liked it, Taylor. All right, let's do a couple more of these. These are really fun. Oh, okay. To be fair, though, the only one that was even remotely online was the first one.

I've got one that I think is a more difficult call. Okay. I went out with... Oh, am I an asshole because I went off on a guy that kept poking me with a pool stick? So I went out with my friend to a bar, and they were playing pool. One of the guys kept trying to show off and predict where the ball was trying to go in next and of course failing So I laughed I mean it's funny because he was so sure about himself yet applied no science at all to the game It's just us. I can't hear any of you guys sounds like you shouldn't have left

What happened I can hear all you guys, okay? Don't oh, maybe I don't own this call i thought you guys there yeah yeah this isn't normal and i'm getting all these oh is it my internet you're the only one who's blurry on my end woody same i can't see any of your guys's videos but you guys are coming through but what he said oh there you guys go yeah you're parents coming back yeah what do you look a little blurry buddy I mean I've been working out I mean you sound good so it doesn't matter but damn what are you looking blurry yeah Oh, somebody photoshopped that shit?

You see Woody? He looks blurry. Blurry as fuck. All right, so this guy's... All right, so you cut out with basically... Can you give me a little rundown again? Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm just checking my internet connection, and it seems to be okay. No, it's stabilizing now.

Like, you don't look like a piece of shit. Oh, well, thanks. No problem. All right, I'll start over. So, am I an asshole because I went off on a guy that kept poking me with a pool stick? I went out with my friend to a bar and people were playing pool. One of the guys kept trying to show off and predict where the ball was going next and, of course, failing. So I laughed.

I mean, it was funny because he was so sure about himself he had applied no science to the game. Later, he started to poke me with the other end of the pool stick. The first three times I played it off as if I was in his way. But the third time, I told him to fuck off and not to touch me again. Now, I don't know how I feel. I feel like an asshole. I'm sorry. I don't know why, but now I feel like I was an asshole.

Don't worry about this at all. I think that this guy is not an asshole in the least. Someone's poking you, and you tell him to fuck off. But it didn't start with that. It started with him laughing at a guy. It doesn't matter. They should have looked differently. He should have laughed at the guy. That's a clear way to... You should have been surprised that he started

poking you because you laughed at him. I would not have laughed at him unless I was expecting some serious... Especially with something like that. I think you're greatly underestimating how laughing at somebody's pool game might just get you stabbed with a pool stick or beaten severely at the wrong about pool it's almost like this test of athleticism and an IQ test combined that it it's a little worse to be laughed at some guys

take it seriously yeah like like if I'm playing ping-pong not me but like a lot of people play ping-pong they're just yeah, my sense of self-worth is not wrapped up in ping pong at all. Even though they're – look at this. It's all going rocky. Oh, that's weird. Yeah. Even though – maybe it's another timer thing because they call so long. Maybe.

But anyway, even though you're not a hardcore pool player, people don't want to suck at that game for some reason. They don't just easily accept it. Pool's a tough one. Everyone likes to think they can walk up to a pool table. It's like poker, too, though. It's like that, but it's also the fact that this guy... How about if you're not good enough

to just be calling pockets like an arrogant, pompous prick, then don't do it. And if you do it poorly, expect to get laughed at a little bit. Sorry, that's the way guys play sports. If you can't take a little bit of banter, what do you expect?

You can't retort a bit of banter, not even banter, just a laugh. Predict more accurately. Are you that bad that you can't fall back on your skill at the game that you apparently care a lot about? This guy's a dick for poking him with the pool stick, and yeah, you should expect it, kinda, in a game like Pool, where there are

douchebags playing it at a bar when they're drunk, and a little more than they otherwise would be, but this guy's not an asshole at all. The other dude's an asshole. Yeah, the guy who poked him with the stick's definitely a jerk. Yep. This is, like, the most clear-cut case yet.

So I don't know what you're talking about, Woody. What the fuck, dude? I felt like the guy who poked him with the stick was being provoked. He took it to time by going four times, perhaps. He was being provoked, but I feel like he... I don't know. I feel like he shouldn't have laughed at him. However, I feel like he can't be laying hands on somebody. There's like...

It sounded like he repeatedly laughed at him as well i mean i mean i feel like everything could have been i feel like this is not like a huge case of either ones being a gigantic dick like they're just both like handling this situation poorly and like how hard is he poking him you know yeah if he's like jabbing him and he's like what the fuck yeah right different than like like's different than like, like, you know, like a little jab. Oh, dude, sorry. I put it in my head that he was maybe poking him while taking the shot.

That's what I thought. Like, jamming it back and be like, boom. And then he's like, oh, dude. That's weird. But like... What a jerk. Like, in my head, it was a really gentle kind of like, you know, like a prodding poke. You know, Gucci you know Gucci Gucci poke yeah like get the fuck out of my way know the person don't touch them fuck

with them like it's just it's rude that guy are we sure they weren't the friends that went together if they were then your friends kind of a prick and he takes himself too seriously in which like in which case he's not used stock friend shouldn't friends with your friends and at your friends sometimes yeah this one I feel like this could be easily mitigated don't laugh at the dude also don't have a friend and or stranger

like poke at you for no reason it's just like both of you could have handled that better the end hey I can I don't know how your view is but I can only see I can't really see anyone you'll see you Taylor I got both you guys not woody really you up somebody else that's the call

yeah yeah I don't have woody and the other hang up and call back yeah let me go oh Oh. Alright, let me hang up, Chiz. I see you, Taylor. I don't see you, Woody. And Kyle did not answer. Kyle's call's failing. I can see you, Tucker, just fine.

Who owned the call before? I think you did. Do you wanna... Oh, I think I have to add Kyle. Awkward. Was it... Maybe it was me. Kyle should be entering soon, hopefully. Well, I think he has...

Just ping him to add... I just added him. Ping him to add me just in case that's what it is. And you just don't have a webcam on, Woody. Oh, there. Oh, that is what it is. I just didn't to ping him to add me just in case that's what it is. And you just don't have a webcam on Woody. Oh, there he, Oh, that is what it is.

I just didn't answer. Right. Yeah. I see you. Kyle is your webcam on. Yep. No, it is not.

Are you sure you, it's not like with the slash across it. Positive. Double click it. Oh, you're coming. You're coming. across it positive double-click it oh you're coming all over yay hey look we're all in HD alright so I want to hear the comments I don't know how many points we have one of us has to take the lead at some point this is ridiculous I'm on my way I forgot that part of it we've all got three points right now I mean, we've all been pretty cut and dry with our asshole.

I think we should all vote asshole or not asshole at the same time. Actually, this is the first one where I disagreed. I think that I said he was not an asshole because he was so provoked. Yeah. No, you mean that the guy who laughed was an asshole? Yes. Because that's the guy who's asking. You're saying OP is the asshole, not the guy who's was an asshole yes I was asking you're saying OP is the asshole

not the guy who's poking him we're saying the guy who poked him was the asshole OP is not okay all right yeah I'm gonna say wait you're saying the poker is the asshole yeah the poker is not the asshole all of us are saying the poker is not the asshole or the poker is the asshole. I'm sorry. Fucking Christ. Yeah, the dude poking the dude, he's the asshole. Wielding the stick is the prick. There you go.

Okay, this is where I fall behind. If you wield the stick, you're the prick. No, you're a saint for not kicking him in the stones. He was definitely the asshole. Although you could have handled it better, you were not an asshole. Nah, man, you could have been more more polite but he was being a total dick and should have been prepared to face the consequences of his actions pretty much nice nice yeah point that's right in there i feel like again these are all really cut and dry i feel like there's not a lot of ones that

are like i feel like a lot of people that are posting here you know how woody said initially like yo you're not posting here if you're not sure i feel like a lot of people that are posting here, you know how Woody said initially, like, yo, you're not posting here if you're not sure. I feel like a lot of people posting here are sure that they're not the asshole, but, like, want further validation that they're not the asshole. I feel like very few people are like, dude, am I an asshole? Like, here's what I did, and,

you know, I, like, deliberately went out and took this girl out, and I knew she was dating and in love, but, like, I fucked her in the car. And, like, she didn't want it. I've got a great one. Let's fucking hear it. Kyle, it's back. After these messages.

I had a fly land in my wine and it was really upsetting. It just killed itself in there. I haven't read it all yet, but I... It's protein. Alright, this has high hopes i it's relevant to us i'm excited then yeah i am excited we have such we live in such a uh connected area that like everything that could possibly happen to you know that could be conceived as asshole-ish somebody's

gonna take it that way like there's always somebody that's going to be like, dude, that was such a dick move. Like, I don't care what you say. I told my girlfriend to fuck off and got a, like, a three-paragraph email. We were playing, like, I was playing H1Z1, and she came into the TeamSpeak channel that I was in, and it was just me solo, but I was unmuted waiting for somebody while I'm playing,

and, like, asked me for about two minutes about if it's okay to eat reheated uh reheated pasta and like i love my girlfriend to death but i was like top five and i was trying to concentrate i was like hey sonia fuck off real quick like let me just win this game he's like okay uh she was like okay uh can i eat this pasta it's like go heat up the fucking pasta it'll be good and then like she left the team speak i got got a three paragraph essay of why I didn't deserve my girlfriend because of that one five second interaction that I had with her online.

And there's always going to be somebody that's like, the way you framed it made you an ass, even though it's in the grand scheme of things or not. Are you ready? Yes. Am I an asshole for telling a spoiler in the discussion thread of a fan club? I'm a member of a popular TV show that airs once a week.

The way that our meetup works is we show two episodes a week, the previous episode and the new one. In our final showing, we were again showing two episodes, and when the calendar invite was sent out, someone made a comment in the meetup discussion. The thread referenced something that hadn't happened in the last episode, and in response to someone who hadn't seen the previous episode got upset i didn't make the comment but in my opinion if you're joining a meetup group dedicated to a

particular show you should expect that people will be talking about that show up through the last episode versus an email thread with your friends in response so petty This is super petty. So I think basically this guy's on a TV show that airs once a week, and he did a spoiler, and someone got upset with him. But it sounds that this... Wait, can you reread? They posted it about an episode

that had already been aired? That's right. So an episode that was kind of fresh, he spoiled. It had been aired but it was the new one. Someone who was just a little bit behind was like, hey, you just told me about

the most current show. Is that bad? That's pretty good. It depends on the time frame. Like if they were in a group where they always watched two episodes or whatever and he commented about the first one that they were all supposed to have watched, then maybe the person shouldn't be in the thread where someone could potentially talk about it until they've seen the episode. Yeah. It's not like they entered a rant.

It's not like they went on Twitter and someone was like, you know, in Game of Thrones at the end of season three or whatever, when everybody like, it was like hashtag Joffrey died or whatever. So hypothetically. It just went on there if this is they went through a specific thread dedicated to the show you're not an asshole the other person is just dumb for going there and doing it yeah so here's a hypothetical situation right totally not about me what if you're on a podcast that talks about game of thrones every week and then maybe you say you talk about things that happened in the most recent episode that spoil it for people who haven't seen it yet does that make you bad why would that make you bad only if you bring up things that that happen in books that that show watchers haven't seen are you sure you're still in the hypothetical yeah i'm in literal land now i mean hypothetically

like if somebody if what you just said is there is a show or there's a meeting or there's a group, if there is a set amount of people that you routinely do the same thing on the same day every single time, you should not be surprised if you go to that area and you get spoiled something that you should have done in that time frame. Like, I understand if it's like two minutes after it airs and you weren't there and then somebody is like, holy shit, like the red wedding happened. And you're like, what the fuck? I just got home.

Like, you know, that's maybe if they understand that you're not there, that's a dick move. But like, if you're just not on the same pace as the other group that you do this with, that's just like, that's just you're being an idiot for going there. You should know that's what's going to happen. It's a discussion. What did I steal from the books? You know what? The nicest

thing so far about being caught up with the series, with Game of Thrones that is, and pretty caught up with the books, I've got a book and a half left to go. However, I feel like I know what's going to happen mostly. Now I can go to the subreddit, the Song of Ice and Fire subreddit,

the Game of Thrones subreddit, and I can enjoy those inside jokes. And there's a lot of cool content there, a lot of original content that comes out of those subreddits. It's really funny. And lots of the fan theories and stuff like that. So I'm enjoying that a lot more now that I'm kind of caught up. Yeah.

But I don't think that guy's an asshole. He's not an asshole. Not an asshole. He definitely, I mean, clearly he didn't do anything intentionally. Spoiler alert. It sounds like a lot of these people that go to this subreddit are just real bitches. Like, they don't have real issues to even complain about. They're not bitches.

Like, the drugs, the drugs is different. Because I feel like he literally was like he was conflicted because it's his mother and it's you know it's someone that he you know instinctively wants to like agree with and he really expects her opinion that one made sense yeah but like some of these bitches the first one makes sense first one makes sense but some of these petty bitches are just like hey uh everybody says i spoiled the last episode of the show and i wasn't trying to i was just trying to hey, everybody says I spoiled the last episode of the show. And I wasn't trying to. I was just trying to put out some nice content for the forum.

And, you know, I'm a moderator with over 1,800 posts now. And I think at this day and age, now that I got my Excalibur status, I should be able to – like, I don't care about all that. They seem like a lot of superficial bolstering, like, details. Like, even the – even, you know, even that one is just like you know and by the way I'm an actor on this TV show so like they should understand that I'm involved and know these things Yeah, it just seems like a lot of it is just like please validate me So it was wrapped in a humble brag. Yeah, it's a burrito of narcissism like I have a new topic Let's hear it a male

Contraception method so there's two things coming one is a male pill and um it's the first thing to be approved by the oh this is there's two things coming one's a male pill but that's not the one i'm excited about i'm excited about vassal gel and it looks like it's the first thing that's going to be approved by the fda Vassal gel and it looks like it's the first thing that's gonna be approved by the FDA For men since the condom like for male contraception like that. That's literally how old the Let's do it. What's it do? What is it? Yeah, so it's given to you by Injection into your I think into your vase deference. It's kind of hanging there like with a a needle no so all right listen through right i'll have 12 kids i don't give a shit it's in the same it's like an it's like a better alternative to a

vasectomy so with a vasectomy as you might know they give you a small cut operate through it they cut your vans deference and they like fold it over and sew it back together right and then that means that that tube can't deliver anything well what this does is they give you a small um anesthetic and then they put a gel into the vas deferens and that allows i don't know what other fluids travel through it but it allows anything else to flow through it, but not the sperm. It catches the sperm. And some people, I think it's if you're like super sexually active, there can be like a back pressure that causes a pain from a vasectomy. My father had that because he's fucking super sexually active.

And so that's an issue. But it's not an issue with this thing because the other fluids can continue to flow. So basically, instead of cutting your vas deferens, but it's not an issue with this thing because the other fluids can continue to flow so basically instead of cutting your vas deferens they just put a gel in there and now you're infertile yeah oh and it's way more easily easily reversible because I'm told though so here's the thing with the pill the pill isn't gonna change anything for for men here's here's the one thing it will change you'll know that you're not knocking anyone up. That's right.

If there is a situation where a condom breaks or where something happens, it's not your first line of defense because it's not going to protect you from any STDs. It is just going to keep you from getting someone pregnant. So when the moment of truth comes and she's showing you the test, you can be like, like, show her the bottle of pills. Exactly, that's what I'm saying. Instead of the single most terrifying thing, and I swear to God when I have a kid, I was an idiot when I was 15, 16, 17 years old,

and you're sexually active. I don't care how much good education I have. You're an idiot, and you're an idiot and you're going to make a stupid mistake. So the fact that I made it out without like having a kid or anything like that, I'm super proud of that and not, you know, fucking up my entire life. So the fact that there's a pill now that you don't have to rely on somebody who's a teenage girl that doesn't necessarily remember her homework every day, but you you know you have to trust this teenager to remember to take a pill within a one hour window every single day at the same time and missing it even one hour later could fuck up your entire life like whoa put the ball

back in my court give me that pill both of us should probably not fuck up and give me a condom like nobody's having a kid like there are six lines of defenses the pill doesn't mean so there's a pill this article talks about a couple of things um one the pills an everyday thing and i don't like that i like for me i'd love to have like a safer alternative to a vasectomy right that that to me sounds great an everyday pill like oh you have to keep paying for it every month you have to keep taking it every day. Plus, a lot of these things are hormonal. And what is it going to do? Is it going to give me pimples?

Is it going to make me fat? Is it going to make me aggressive? Like, I don't know what is going to make me grumpy. Like, think of whatever thing happens to your girl when she's hormonal. I don't want that. You know, I'd just rather be fucking awesome all the time because i'm a guy i'm in favor of any more birth control methods for men to have like just less little shithead kids running around okay listen to this one tell me if you'd want this

um there's a clean sheets pill coming which basically you orgasm but there's no ejaculation. That sounds fresh. That takes away half the reason. Yeah, I feel like, what? It's like fucking. I save up specifically to make a mess that is worthy of several towels of clean up. Yes, this is the New Year's Eve confetti that we celebrate. Yay! That's like my.

Invisible ice cream. Exactly. My auto blows over there, a tear is just running down right now. Right? No, this is the balloon drop where we celebrate the action. I will say this though, if I could take that, like, personally, if it was like a three day thing, like you don't take it for three days, then you're back to like being a geyser like Peter North status. Great. Let's do it because when I'm at home, if I don't have to walk across the room to get like paper towels, that's a win for me.

Like let me not pull up my pants and we're back to business. Like I'm going to edit some videos. Right. That's with no cleanup. You're going home for Christmas and you're not sure how to handle the whole – like, you know. And you're like, oh, man, I just want a quick gasm, but I'm in my old childhood bedroom, and I don't have it tooled out like I did before,

then yeah, clean sheets pill. Tooled out? Yeah, what are you talking about? There were so many... You don't have it chitted out for masturbation like you did back in the old days. There were so many phrases in that. No lube coming from under the drawer

quick gasm but you're not tooled out like what do you like like pops his sleeves and like lotion comes out of one arm and like condoms come out of the other gadget just like his bedside table and like paper towels and wet wipes come out of the side he opens the drawer there's one of those like springy things that like strengthens your grip i've got an entire bookshelf dedicated to like vibrators and shit but all the pages of the books are removed so i can hide things in there so you can give yourself a stranger with your arm all numb so it feels like a girl jesus so um so yeah the clean cheese pill would be good i'm sure it doesn't work like that i'm sure you have to like but honestly anything to keep more kids from getting out there with too many kids out there just yeah the the problem

is like i feel i fear that like there's gonna be so many dumb bitches who like believe the guy who says he's on the pill or something like that like I feel like it's not That was not adequate to the problem that exists right now with the exact opposite thing totally totally Yeah, so you double up you get two lion ass hoes and if they're both like I'm on the pill and they have a kid like They're that's Darwin award level And you're right. Maybe we should do all we can to make sure that doesn't they're that's darwin award level and you're right maybe we should do all we can to make sure that doesn't reproduce because that's that child is fucked the pill doesn't that's not what i want right i just i don't want to be taking a daily pill i

don't want to be paying a monthly fee and i don't want whatever it does to like a pill essentially sounds bad i'm not a doctor but the the pill pretty much semi-fools the woman's body into thinking that she's pregnant, right? Yeah, exactly what it does. Like, I don't know. I get that it's safe and it's been really widely done and it'll be fine.

But it also just doesn't seem perfect. Like, if there was a better option... I don't know that it's safe. How do we know that it doesn't cause ovarian cancer cancer like three percent of the time maybe it does like we don't know what the pill's doing to women we've only been using it for like 50 or 60 years or something like that i mean but that's still like a pretty good sample size yeah yeah it's decent i mean i'm not gonna tell her to stop i mean i think everybody what what what he's saying is like if there was like a female equivalent of a of a reversible vasectomy,

everybody would much rather prefer the female... Everybody is in favor of a more secure, easily done baby-proofing than they are with a non-reliable, like, oh, I definitely took that, kind of... Something about a lot of the women options, they either trick their body into being pregnant,

or there's the IUD stuff, which oftentimes is associated with like a really heavy flow and stuff. And it's just like it seems like this is fucking you up at least a little bit. Right. It's fucked up in there. I mean, but there's also a lot of people that I mean, there's also a lot of people that take the pill strictly for hormonal balancing reasons. Like, they don't even do it just because they're sexually active, but because, like, if they didn't, there'd be, like, five days a month where they'd just be crippled in bed, like, dead.

There's that, yeah. Or their periods would be, like, two weeks, three months. Like, you know, this would be... I don't know. They'd just be bleeding... Like, women are crazy. It helps with acne as well. Yeah.

Yeah, there's lots of reasons to... It depends on the pill. There can be something that hurt with acne. Yeah, that's true. I mean, it's all crazy stuff. But yeah, it just seems like, now, like Tucker said, sometimes it regulates the woman's hormones

and can maybe be a helpful thing. But other times, I don't know. I just feel like I'm not convinced that this is all true. I'm worried about how the pill stops sperm production in the man. You know what I mean? It's one thing if it makes what I would want it to do, and I'm no medical professional, but what if it

made your sperm retarded so that you kept making plenty of them. That's another one. But they're just super derp sperm. Yeah, like now all of your sperm don't have tails like like something like that yeah kyle you're a genius because one of the ones that's coming um let's see if this is the right one yeah yeah all right so gen darusa is a pill for guys that's coming it's an anti-epin

agent which means nothing to me but basically it's a non-hormonal thing and it targets the sperm's ability to swim but what happens if you get a derp sperm that actually like beats the odds and like fertilizes so you get like a kid with like just like no arms no legs just like a stump with a head like that's that's what sperm is danny devito oh my god or either that or... Ah, a twins reference. So here, I've got another twins little tidbit. So if you've never seen Twins, it's Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito.

It was a movie made in the 80s or 90s or whatever, where basically the premise was there was genetic manipulation and two twins were formed in a womb. One is Arnold Schwarzenegger, one's Danny DeVito. So he got all the good, DeVito got all the bad, and they lived separately their whole lives. It's a comedy movie. They're making a new one, and it's going to have, and Schwarzenegger was

talking about this on the Howard Stern show. It's going to be Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito, and their mother dies, and they go and listen to the will being read at the funeral, and they find out there's a third brother and the whole goal is to find him and to see what he's up to third brother eddie murphy oh what the fuck yeah so it's schwarzenegger danny devito and their long lost brother eddie

murphy can you imagine the boardroom pitch when this happens and like a third guy eddie murphy somebody probably had a heart attack like what the fuck we're bankrolling this that's what they're working on right now they said Murphy's on board yeah I'm fucking down to watch that movie yeah hear me out he's black Eddie Murphy hasn't done no no no no better better Eddie Murphy he's got to be older to be a twin. Forrest Whitaker with the goofy eye. They're all pretty old. I've got a name for the movie.

Ready? I'm going to name it. Triplets. Oh, good one. You know what? That might catch on. I like the progression. Yeah, instead of twins, two triplets.

Schwarzenegger was on The Stern Show. Like I said, it was a really, really good interview. I liked it a lot. They talked about Terminator, of course, but he also talked about his divorce from Maria Shriver and the whole thing running for governor and his bodybuilding career and each of his movies along the way

when he was starting out. It was really good. I liked it a lot. Yeah. Getting Schwarzenegger to talk about some of these things like the divorce and i want to know what it's like to be in the kennedy family he talked about that he was talking about how like uh she didn't want him to run for governor because like she'd had the whole thing with her uh with her uncles running for president and uh it was a it was a really good interview they talked about money and they talked about uh failure and and he's always got this thing like

stern was like you know you're getting hit movie after hit movie after hit movie like were you afraid were you ever afraid of like ah if this next one doesn't do as well like that's going to diminish my status in the world and he goes into his whole thing you know I'm never afraid to fail you know in bodybuilding and weight lifting like you fail every day you don't get that last rep you come back two weeks later and you get the and he sort of got that sort of mindset that failure isn't a big deal at all that like failure is just part of succeeding and he's really inspirational to listen to uh they didn't really talk about the uh the ugly maid that he banged uh at least i didn't get to that part uh stern

seemed to let him slide on that but they definitely talked about the divorce and uh and all that stuff he is like he is a good role model still to this day like whether or not you're into weightlifting or inspirational otherwise stuff he's got he's got some stuff that he said that's definitely worth a good thought or two yeah he has a bit bill burr outlines him better than i can but you know he's like that guy is just an amazing human being. He could barely speak the language. He's a hit actor. Everyone cared about him working out. He's like, I work out. No one gives a shit. But Arnold Schwarzenegger, suddenly him

working out is this really big deal. Then he runs for governor. He marries a Kennedy. It's like going to the UK and marrying their royalty. He crushed everything he did. But still, cheating on your wife for like a

decade and having a hidden kid out of wedlock, these aren't small character flaws either. It's not like he's the best guy in the world, but occasionally takes a handicapped parking space. He had some fuck-ups, man. I mean yeah it's hard to say what the struggles of uh uh a world-renowned action star are like i'm sure there are many temptations that are difficult

to to relate to but that however i don't think they'd be hard no one made though i can relate to that one i've turned down worse than that. That's pretty nasty. That bitch was ugly and older as well. Like, Schwarzenegger could have done ten times better. Like, what was it that she showed him? Sometimes you want to go play shitty old games that are objectively bad because of the nostalgia value. Maybe he's just going back to a time where that's the tip of what he could get. When was that? Have you seen pictures of this guy when he's 16? Yeah, dude, he was like a rock when he was 16. There's never been a time where Schwarzenegger wasn't getting top level pussy.

I don't know. I'm just saying that maybe he's just so bored with that top shelf grey goose that he decides he wants a hand- He just wanted a raunchy bitch, like one that would let him like shit on her chest without an issue, you know what I'm saying? Like honestly, how many pretty ladies out there are you gonna be able able to just be like, all right, now I'm going to poop on you. You've got to knock them down six notches before you can be confidently, I'm going to shit on your chest and you're going to be okay with it for a decade. And they're like, yeah. I'm just being realistic. I can't figure out another reason why he would soup down that low.

I don't know what happened, but I enjoyed the interview nonetheless. I want to see the new Terminator movie, I think. I do. It calise in there i'll check it out i guess uh they've got a good explanation for why schwarzenegger's so old in the movie uh that makes a lot of sense um you know basically like basically he's just an older terminator in the skin ages and they just need to make them blend in yeah exactly and weird if he's just 20 forever yeah and i saw the cgi of like young version of him uh compared with like the footage from 86 or whenever the first terminator came out and looks pretty comparable they do a really good job with cgi now fucking stoked yeah i want to say do it well that is we'll see uh he needs to be able to

move well too like that to me is a thing like um steven seagal is a really good action example like he's an action star who i don't think can kick above my knee and that that's the good thing about the terminator though because i feel like he was never like bruce lee he was always like a fucking robot he was always like bullets and just like he'll just grab you and like like there's never any like kung fu it was always really kind of slow at times but but like a robot like a like a like a piece of machinery like when he'd reach out and grab somebody it's just like it's quick yeah but it's just like i don't know it makes sense and i'm carrying a hearse with a minigun like he doesn't do anything but shoot and carry this thing like he's just a tank that's true and I think that does help a lot. But if he walks

like his back hurts or his knees hurt, then that will kill it for me. I think he's in decent shape. I like the first two, of course, but Terminator 3 really sucked. It was great, though. Was 3 the one with the liquid?

That's when he's carrying the casket. It was the most recent one. Yeah. The most recent one had a girl in it. Yeah, Female Terminator played by... You're right. I kind of blacked out of that one. She's the chick from the Blood Rain movie. I remember it.

Anna... Krista Coven or some bullshit. Anyway, it sucked really bad. I didn't like it. Hey, you want to call a show there? Okay. That was Painkiller Ready, episode 236. Be sure to check out Authors on Acid. Best goddamn

game on the cell phone. It's the best. Big thanks to Tucker for coming on on jericho is the man thanks for having me again link to him in the description he always does a great job and um if you're interested in getting this show early or seeing the midweek patreon pkn then there'll be a link to patreon in the description you can check all the stuff out that we got there also paintball come play paintball with us very good all right bye everyone