Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #254

Episode Date: November 6, 2015

This week on PKA, it's what some are saying is the BEST episode of PKA of ALL TIME! Road to Black Ops 3 prank calls, lots of random fun prank calls, crazy Halloween costumes and more shenanigans!

Sure. Kyle, you ready with the read? And we're live! PKA episode 254. We have two sponsors tonight, so we just want everyone to know that this episode of PKA is being brought to you by our friends at Credit Karma, as well as this episode is also being brought to you by Warby Parker. Getting new glasses never seemed easier. Alright. So we have some interesting costumes here I I apologize I remember last year I had like I don't know a costume extravaganza but but I just got back into Atlanta last night didn't really get to sleep till 3 or 4 in the

morning last night but I I'm I guess I'm Santa Claus a little early but Taylor dear God tell us more can you get closer to the camera i want to see your teeth oh it's awful wow and i didn't notice the beard until just now yeah the beard she totally covered it up there's so much stuff on my face my entire face and head is itchy like it's it's not comfortable. It's really uncomfortable. And this has to be on now because I have plans tonight for Halloween. So I have to be itchy for the next probably 12 hours. So hopefully I get used to it.

But I'm a zombie. And it's a bald cap. I can't touch it apparently. And blood on my mouth. She colored my teeth, which was really awful. Still tasting it. God. How long did it take? i was sitting in the chair over there she's doing she's a mummy so she's doing her mummy makeup right now uh took about i don't know hour and a half two hours there were a couple mishaps

like it turns out i'm a really hairy fucker and so every like it took like three times the normal amount of resin to get everything to stick to me yeah and so i'm just coated like just a quarter inch thick like film of latex on my neck right here to keep i've never had that much before i've had a ball cap before my and uh my costume not so difficult to to. I bet I could rock this until 3am with no trouble. Yeah, you didn't even put shoes on. Like I wear shoes. I'm the brawny man. You know, you're lucky I wore pants, baby. Alright, let me do this quick survey thing.

This is pretty important, Chiz says. You all know that we have great advertisers. Excuse me. I'm getting sick, too. You all know that we have great advertisers that support our show and keep it free for you, so one of the reasons why advertisers love Painkiller already is that they know the show has amazing listeners.

Right now, we have a survey that we'd like you to take and help us learn more about our audience. We want to see who's out there and what they like to see. So just go to podsurvey.com slash painkiller. The survey will only take about five minutes. It's going to ask you some questions about yourself and what you like to buy, but it's completely anonymous. Your answers help us find advertisers that are well matched to you, your interests, and the show. When you're finished, you can enter

a monthly drawing and win a $100 Amazon gift card even if you've taken the podcast listener survey before we'd like to ask you to take ours and help support the show so don't forget that you have a chance to win that $100 Amazon gift card once again that's podsurvey.com slash painkiller what happens if we survey our audience and then going forward the only advertisers we get are like sex dolls, penis pumps, video games, and other

types. If that's what they want. That would be wonderful. Would that be a big win? I like our current sponsors. I like that it's really diverse. I like that, you know, if it were like video games every week, I feel like we'd saturate our audience, but the way

that we've got, you know, if you're interested in a mattress that we've got you know if you're interested in mattress just cast for mattress if you're interested in eyeglasses we've got our new sponsor this week it's I like the way it is we got some great sponsors Dollar Shave Club Dollar Shave Club for sure keeping my balls silky smooth for months now audience if all they want to do is be advertised with sex toys like if they want one of those like Japanese full-size women's sex dolls how many of our audience are going to buy a $7,000 fuck toy? I mean, I'm hoping I'm getting a discount. Who can afford a $7,000, you know, creepy Jedi sex doll? Wouldn't she look great back there as the backdrop to every show?

Like, a sex doll? You know, like... They have poseable arms so she could hold a rifle in Kyle's background I might dress her like sexy brawny for a month that would ruin the whole appeal hey I just bought this sex doll let's put some clothes on it

I have a special order of mine with a lot of hair on the belly big swap sexy brawny right this is how we'd rock it I wanted to have big hands Big swap. Sexy brawny, right? Like, this is how we'd rock it? Like, yeah. I wanted to have big hands. You know.

Her neck seems a little flat. Maybe you could, like, kind of an Adam's apple, right? You know, Bruce. You fuckers are wrong, dude. If you see some measure of testosterone in a woman, she DTF baby she's DTF she's that can't be true the fuck it means that there's a chance that her name was that means she's on hormone therapy and she's she's gonna be DTF you in the ass you know you're being a little judgmental I I think like no I I I just feel like if you see a girl and she's got the happy trail,

like that fricking whitewater rafting woman, I guarantee you she had a guy's sex drive. I guarantee you she had a guy's sex organs down there at one time. She was getting pretty hairy down there. I don't know. Did she have a constant habit of spreading her legs and tucking? I do wonder how. She could walk like a how... I'm not afraid of a little rug. That much

has been put out there before. I don't want it to be hip-to-hip. It should be more racing stripe oriented in my humble opinion. Given that she didn't shave her happy trail, there's a real good chance that she was hip-to-hip

on that. Hip to hip is a little upsetting. I don't know. I was really hard scoping that woman's crotch region. I feel like maybe she tended house down there, but she left the happy trail alone, which I feel like if I were her, if I were in her position,

I would have that waxed at least. I just wouldn't want that there. Why would you knock her down from a nine to a seven? Like I said, I would wax that and keep it that way. Just like some ladies wax their upper lip or whatever. Like some ladies, when they get a hairy upper lip, they'll bleach it. But as soon as you get close to them, you're like, got a blonde mustache i see you gotta you gotta get rid of that it's it's gotta be gone that's gross i will agree with you mom i doubt she was manicured

because why would you not go that final step i i don't my mom that's dead your poor mom does she i bet she watches the show no no my mom watches the show my mom very well may be in the audience right now she was off well i talked to him on the phone and they know everything i've uploaded it's it's a real clashing of the world that's not supposed to happen right no my mom does not watch my she watches like my fps russia videos and and and but she doesn't watch this like that to be silly like it's talking about fucking and and and you know just ridiculous She watches my FBS Russia videos, but she doesn't watch this. That'd be silly. It's talking about fucking and just ridiculous, crazy shit all the time.

Watching girls snort cum and dudes chomp shit. Oh my god, she watches the girls snort cum. Talking about men being fucked to death by horses and light bulbs shattering and assholes. We run the gambit around here. Dude, it's crazy. This isn't for my mom so so i forget if it was last week or two weeks ago but i went on this thing about how you know how you thank people in the military and i was like they should thank me you know they're getting skills

they're getting college educations etc as a taxpayer like it's it's really a you're a little responsible for it yeah yeah what is the relationship that's win-win? Symbiotic, right? It's a symbiotic relationship here. They get skills and education and money and food and all that stuff, and I get a safe nation. We're crashing the sponsor's website, so keep that up. There it is. So anyway, what was I saying?

They get that, and I get this, and I was oh, they get that and I get this. And I was like, I think military people should thank me. It's a joke. It's a riff. I wake up the next morning and people are thanking me and I forget why. Right? It's all thanks, Woody. Thanks, Woody.

Hey, thanks, Woody. One guy mentioned he was on the GI Bill and I was like, oh, no. This show is a little bit like going out drinking the night before. And then, like, you have to sort of fill in all the pictures on facebook and be like oh yeah really did i do that oh i said that i shit right on the table huh well that's not oh and then i wrote on the wall oh again oh that's that now again third time this month. Damn it.

Yeah, I know exactly how that is because most of the time we're just trying to make people laugh. And then they'll be like, they'll like dissect like everything that we said as if we were like giving a stomp speech. And everything we said represents our beliefs and strong feelings or something like that. I really don't like that. Yeah, people read into it like English teachers read into books where they take sentences that have, like, the author was probably hammered and just wrote, like, the lady was wearing a green sweater.

Like, now why do you think it was green? He sat there meticulously with his color palette and chose green. It's like, no, he just fucking chose green. There's no reason for it. What do you think the color green represents? What is what is what do you think the character's feeling if she's wearing a green sweater? Enzvy. Very good Tom very good. Mark one point for participation. Very intuitive Tom. Yes yes gold star. Everyone could learn a lot from Tom. Yeah. It's just bullshit. It's fucking it's just fucking riffing making it up as we go along.

I've often wondered like where because some of it is right. Some of it there is symbolism back there. Sometimes things were chosen. And sometimes they're seeing things that aren't there. They're making connections that the author never... And I just wish I could bring the author in on any given situation and be like, Is she full of shit? I think she's 80% full of shit.

And then I feel like the author sometimes will read into what people are you know i guess garnering from their work and then they just co-opt it where they're like oh that is what i meant you know when i had them wear that sweater it was really a callback to the weimar republic after world war I and the struggle the Germans were feeling. The envy that the Germans felt and the hatred that boiled into them. That's why the red scarf comes in the next chapter. The hatred they felt when they saw the Jews

staying within their own sect and just really containing the money. Exactly. My whole book, it all goes back to the Jews, if you read into it, all of it. Doesn't everything? You know. This is going to go.

True words. You're cutting your Jew talk. So lately, I feel like all the crazy shit that gets said on the show, I have been not responsible for. Like, Kyle, I can't stand. I don't know how you can even begin to say that. You're the basketball guy. You're the guy that said the hoop should be 12 feet tall and there should be four players.

Why not? It's stupid. First of all, people take basketball more seriously than some people take fucking religion. It's a stupid fucking game with really tall guys bouncing a ball and throwing it through a fucking hoop. Stop taking it so goddamn seriously it's a game that children play and that for some reason grown men jerk off to a uniform that's what that's what your sports franchises are you just you're just you like a uniform because the players the players the coaches everybody are moving around constantly

you're a fan of a uniform of a bunch of grown men playing a children's game the tight pants in particular. It's silly to begin with. So if I suppose that a 12 foot goal would make things interesting, I'm not saying that you're wrong because you're a Muslim. I'm saying that it's a stupid fucking game. So why not make it 12 foot? Why not add some fucking pit holes out there and throw fucking pit vipers in them? Maybe every now and then LeBron doesn't make it to the hole. He falls in the pit, the viper's getting no more LeBron. That'd be a fun game for me to watch.

I don't care. I would watch that game. Seems like you're adding a lot of luck into it, though. You remember that game where it was like maybe on Spike TV or something, and it was like basketball except they added trampolines all over the court? Oh, yeah, that was. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Now, your 12-foot net and four players thing, in my mind,

would make this game like the 50s, and I don't like it. I don't like it. Can I just say, on the trampolines, I'd want more than five players. I want people colliding midair. And I want more than two goals, too. There should be goals everywhere, and they should be different amounts. I don't know. That trampoline thing, to me, was about perfect.

That was great. I really, really liked amounts. I don't know. That trampoline thing to me was about perfect. That was great. I really, really liked that. And there was checking. There was checking. Right? They put glass around the sides like in hockey and you could lay a shoulder into somebody. Every now and then someone fell and they had pads around the springs of the trampoline, but if you fell at the right

trajectory, you go down below and get all fucked up. I like that too. Sports are too safe these days. We're complaining about concussions in the NFL. They need to take those fucking helmets and put some spikes on those things. Remember the rhino, that Spider-Man villain? I'd like to see that out there on the field.

We really hold these sports stars to such a high level. Like, oh, hope Tom Brady's knees are okay. I hope his knees explode next week that'd be a hell of a show like there should be more so much turnover in professional sports if they had spiked helmets and foot like they'd have to have teams of 600 people and calling people in from the stands like you big fat fuck you know third row you're linemen now taylor taylor that idea have you ever shared the fantasy of wishing that you were called in from the stand

right a fan night. We pick one guy to come out on the court or the field or whatever it is. I would introduce that to my sport. I would go. I'd watch them play hockey. Something about seeing it in person really demonstrates the gulf between me at my best in hockey and those pros. They take three strides from blue line to blue line i'm good for like 11 like there's a giant difference between what they are and what

i am even they pass so hard it's not that unlike my shot and and i don't know that i could catch for lack of a better term a pass that hard hard. Now, I've played with pros, and my experience is they pass that hard, but all I need to do is not fuck it up because they put it right on my tape and they make me look good. But if, for example, it wasn't right on my tape, it's super hard. But I'm like, man, I would love to try. I would love to try. You know what they would they could do it

doesn't even have to interfere with the game you know the little like breaks and silly things they do between periods this is just for hockey i don't know about basketball what they do in the like halftime or mascots jumping around and shit between periods and hockey they do something silly they should have something like uh instead of the dumb games where you have some elderly woman fail at shooting the puck into the tiny little hole to win a fucking Prius, have it, like, fight the enforcer. The enforcer from the team,

you dress someone up, and if they can land a couple good punches and get the enforcer on his back, they get, like, a free hot dog or something. Free hot dogs for life or season tickets, something like that. Yeah, you give me free hot dogs for life, that would, yeah, that. Yeah, you give me free hot dogs for life. Yeah, you would get some motivated individuals out there in the eyes.

But what you would get is a drunk idiot who just couldn't skate that well, kind of struggling, and then just kicks a couple to the face real hard. It'd be great. So we're always supposing these imaginary fights like Ronda Rousey versus Money Mayweather or whatever the hell. Here's one that I think that maybe Woody might have a good idea on. If you put an MMA fighter out there on the ice, on skates, who wins that fight? They'd get fucked up. Yeah, the MMA fighter would be ruined.

Let me just add this little tidbit. He's not a hockey player, this MMA guy, but you give him a week to teach him the basics of skating. Like, he can skate okay. I've seen this done. The dynamics of, like, skating in a fight. Like, he wouldn't know. The other guy would be perfectly, like, knowing when to pull,

when to push back, setting him off balance. I'll tell you. It doesn't matter what it is. So don't let me lie to anyone here i was never a good hockey player i played a and b league in beer leagues right that that's that's who i was and that was probably a better fit for b league which is the second highest and um uh but at that level a lot of times the better fighter is whoever skates better you know that the guy who can push and pull and work the fact that you're dealing with skates better than the other one.

I've been in a couple hockey fights, and half of your energy at all times is devoted to angling your feet correctly so you're not susceptible to just getting tugged over by the guy on a lucky pull. Yeah, and to answer Kyle's thing, I saw a – there was one year I was living up in New Jersey, and we root for the Flyers in the area I'm from. So they took a pro boxer and an enforcer and kind of put them together. And they did like, you know, they took the boxer and the enforcer and put them in a boxing ring and they did their thing. And the boxer really had his way with the enforcer.

As a matter of fact, it wasn't long before he took pity on him, and it became more of an instructional thing. Like, you know what? When you see this, there's the – at this distance, you do this and at that. And the enforcer was just learning how to box. And then they put them on skates. And, oh, my God. Like, if I thought the enforcer looked bad in the ring the boxer was worthless on skates the

enforcer was just like it was a joke to him you know he would grab him by the the jersey twist it up and now the boxer literally couldn't throw his arms anymore and then at will he would just tug him around like he was a child meal made the fall saved you made the fall saved you I'm sorry did the boxer walk out onto the ice like those kids who can't skate like immediately grab the boards and they gave him a little practice time it wasn't like the cameras started rolling like as he entered the ice or something you know like he had oriented himself but then you take an NHL enforcer yet there's um i'm not a great at it but there's a way to like grab the jersey and then twist it around and now you're all tied up and it's tight

on you and uh the enforcer did that to him right away and now he completely controlled the distance he controlled whether the boxer stood or fell he would yank him like enough to cause him to fall and then save him and and just, you know, but that was. This isn't done yet. That was like a mind game, like saved your life, saved your life. And now you're like, fuck, he owns my life. You know, that guy is in charge of whether or not I can remain standing. Toying with him.

In that situation, you definitely want to be the guy who goes second in the challenges. Because if you go first and like if the boxer had beat the shit out of him, just like living it up, taking advantage of what he was doing, if then they'd gotten onto the ice, the enforcer just would have been like, this is ridiculous. Maybe this guy accidentally loses a finger when he falls down, and I accidentally skate over him.

That boxer, that was a very smart, calculated move by turning it into, let me teach you how to box, so you don't fuck me up in half an hour when I put skates on for the first time. Yeah, it was pretty cool. And the conclusion at the end of the thing is the boxer was really happy for the experience and he felt like his boxing got a little bit better. And then the boxer, of course, was more like, I will never use these skills ever again.

Skating is just not my thing. I don't know. Maybe a free skate gets out of control. He needs to be the person who corrals in all those third graders. The boxer. Oh, my God. I'm so racist. The boxer looked like he came from a socioeconomic background that doesn't involve a lot of ice skating.

Ah, black. Yeah. But not just black. He was like urban, like, you know, poverty. Black. So, Taylor, before the show we're discussing blackface and uh and so i said that let me interject real quick literally while we were finishing this makeup melissa was like it would have been way easier if i'd just done you

up in blackface for the show i was like are you kidding me i next year never next year no next year but all right I accept your terms. My thoughts on blackface are this. So we dress up as caricatures of different people all the time. Maybe you're an Arab. Maybe you're a Mexican. Maybe you're making fun of the brawny man, whatever. I think all those are okay.

But the reason I think blackface is not okay is, first of all, it really is a complete caricature of an African-American it's shoe polished black it's the huge like as big as your nose will allow as low as big as your nose uh will allow lips um and the big popping eyes like bulging out the whole thing and it also goes back to that time where instead of having a black actor ever portray an African-American you had a white guy do this denying that the other guy have a job first of all but also making a mockery of him in in the cinema which just further uh like advances stereotypes and really just seems like that that costume denigrates the whole race of people whereas

if you dress up as an indian like yeah that's what an indian fucking looks like you don't dress up as an Indian, like, yeah, that's what an Indian fucking looks like. You don't dress up as, like, a drunk Indian, like, selling your daughters to the white man and, like, I don't know, being backwards and what – I can't think of other things. I just feel like – Being an Indian giver, I don't know. What we need to be, in terms of not being over PC, and I don't know why I'm arguing for blackface. This will never bite me. And I don't know why I'm arguing for blackface. This will never bite me. Like as a parent, when our kids do something, we're always very careful not to assign motive, right? That's not fair.

You know, like, you know, she forgot this because she was thinking that. And then all this like stuff you run with, it's like, no, you can't assign motive. She probably had the best intentions and it just didn't work out. With the blackface, I feel like you're assigning motive, right? You know, if I just dress up as a black guy and like, look at me, I'm black dad. And then there's jokes to be made there. And then, you know, I take the kids out trick-or-treating. That's not evil.

It's not like... What was that thing you said five minutes ago about you not being the one who says ridiculous yeah yeah yeah well fuck you tell what's ridiculous about black dad there's a black dad out there a black that you should just leave the room and and and yellin look I'm black dad can you see me I can't go suck on that yeah the clap you make you clap when you

leave not around Make you clap when you leave not around There's no Debates on a ton of things, but there's never been in the last like I don't at least not in 2015 a pro verse con Blackface look I was Dressing up as a Klansman as Hitler himself as the devil you can be Jesus Christ on the cross. But I can't be black. But black is worse than all those things. You can be black, but you have to do it like Robert Downey Jr. and Tropic Thunder.

I have to look at you and not know that you're a white man, and you better have that accent down too. Have you ever watched... Oh, now I need to do a black accent? Old-timey, black face. Like the actual clips of the people in the movie. It's been a long time. It's not even the makeup that's the most offensive. It's the way that the guy just kind of looks like big-eyed.

Big-eyed and, oh, Lord. And just can't get over everything that he sees. He's just a yuck-yuck idiot. If you get past the yuck-yuck idiot thing, I feel like blackface isn't the problem. It's black caricature, right? I feel like you should be able to be a black guy for Halloween in the same way that I wouldn't care,

like I was saying in the pre-show, if you dressed up as Woody, right, like you wore really stylish shorts, had awesome hair, and like some random t-shirt and flip flops, knock yourself out. I wouldn't be offended in the slightest. If I were going to dress up as a caricature of you, I would exude everything

Every negative quality that you possess I would bring up The things that you wouldn't I would be the most I would have to be the most negative caricature Would you take like the white van pedo route Yes I would make fun of your Tourette's

I'd be twitching and stuff I'd be talking about like I'd be a money whore. I'd be like, you know, this guy at the bank, they try to charge me, like, this amount. Fuck them. I took my $8 out. I took it elsewhere. And, you know, that's, yeah, I'd be the most negative caricature of you. And you could do that to anyone.

But when you do it to a whole race like that, and it goes back to i've seen some of those things like taylor's talking about and it's like they're just it's a it's making a mockery i've got a lord and lord in the eyes are there any current thing like so i remember kyle showed us it was on youtube i think it was it was filmed like a documentary i wings has got documentary in my head like a documentary and um but it was as if the south had won the civil war right oh that's my that's my thing yeah yeah um csa csa okay so um it's like it's almost like a history lesson filmed in the style of something you might have seen in the history channel back when it was history but it's as if the south won and it has an impact like i think they team up with hitler you know america and and not necessarily but there's like a but there was like there's no it's like a an art that we didn't go against uh we still fucked up the japanese but

we didn't make war against hitler because like uh like he if I remember correctly and he actually came over and like viewed our slave run factories and thought that was very good and the reason we couldn't sign off on what Hitler was doing and like join him was that all we felt that exterminating the Jews and all those other groups of people was a big waste of possible

slave labor what is this called? Confederate States of America if the south had won if you just google that you'll find it and it's it's it's a mockumentary that's just it's a mockumentary and it's presented it is presented um from beginning to end as if you just click to a channel so like the in the beginning it doesn't have credits and, like, CSA. It has, coming up next on BBC One, the documentary that they tried to keep that America banned, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then there's a couple commercials, and throughout it, there are commercial breaks, and the commercial breaks are also part of the mockumentary. So, it's, like, one of the commercials is for the next episode of Cops, but it's not Cops.

It's Slave Catchers. So, they're chasing black guys through the streets popping them with tasers locking them up again you know taking them back it's uh it's insurance to insure your slaves you know it's an insurance commercial um it's like sambo chicken and and stuff like that oh sambo like engine oil and it's got like a you know the black face character on the it's very funny and eye-opening and an interesting look at, of course, the Confederate flags planted on the moon. And we don't stop with the Spanish-American War. We just keep going.

We take Mexico. We take all of South America. And it's a weird look at an alternate vision of what the future could have been like if the South had won the Civil War and captured Lincoln and all this stuff. It's pretty cool cool but the reason i brought it up is at the very end of it it showed a lot of like some of the very racist things that existed back in the day like i didn't turn my ceiling fan off like i thought i did anyway um like there were aspirin

pills i think and there were like cartoon black faces and stuff uh that advertised it and then it got me thinking like there's some of that stuff that's like aunt jemima uncle ben uncle ben yeah yeah i feel like uncle ben is that an uncle tom like parallel thing like what is that i i don't think so what is uncle ben so they would call spider-man no so the thing is this they would you would refer to an older black slave as an uncle oh i thought no i'm positive it's just what they would call black people who took white people so what i'm talking about predates that so an uncle is it is it's it's a it's a it's another pejorative word for a... It's just slang for an older black slave.

Okay. This goes back to slave times. So that's Uncle Ben. And then Aunt Jemima, other than her being a maid, which I guess is not an insult. It's a job. Well, she's not a maid. She's a slave.

She's your nanny. Nobody's going to buy slave Jemima's syrup. It's really uncomfortable. You don't want that in your kitchen. Aunt Jemima's a lot more easy to eat. She's got that handkerchief wrapped around her head just like your house slave would have who was looking at kids.

And they make her look normal. If she had big googly eyes and gigantic lips, nobody would look at gigantic lips if you look closely on that bottle of Aunt Jemima you can see a little fear in her eye because she knows if she doesn't smile and make that syrup she's getting the whip yep could be I don't think so though I think that Aunt jemima was around a little later so here's the thing um in the past we have called the apex game stop frequently enough that they actually started like remembering me i think we should call him again what do we think here call him again and you you feel that let's see if they actually do remember you. And ask him how much money it's going to take.

Tell him that price is no option. We'll do what it takes. If he's worried about the law, Cliff Hutchinson is on the case. Maybe that'd be funny. Who's Cliff Hutchinson? That was my fake attorney. Oh, that's right. Do you want to do that spin on it? Maybe you talk him for a while and if it starts going nowhere be like look and i can i think you're worried about some sort

of legal legal ramifications here i have my attorney cliff hutchinson on the line right now and maybe turn it over to him i love it um all right. So the thing is, the video is going to get messed up. It's not like Google where you just add another thing. Like everyone's going to shift when I call somebody. So I don't know. Shit, this might not work. There's going to be a ton of people from the stream calling all these shops that we mentioned. There are now.

Well, I mean, not right away. We've got a 30-second lead on them. Let's get it. Yeah, let's give it a go and see how it works out. I'm ready. You're doing the call, it seems. They know you. Here, just to...

You know him better than me, Woody. It's hard to copy and paste. I'm on it oh I got it all right we'll see how this goes we'll do our best here call call is not working hang in there. I totally just showed the number. All right. Oh, shit. Don't call that number, guys. Let us try and do our thing.

I'll listen. Here it is. Call phones. Oh, no. Everybody's. number guys let us try and do our thing um listen here it is call phones oh no everybody's everybody as fast as they can yeah all right Thank you for calling the Apex Game Stuff, where you can pick up your copy of Halo 5 Guardians. Matt speaking. How may I help you? Hey, Matt. How are you?

I'm all right. What's up? What can I help you with? So I'm looking to get Black Ops 3. I assume you guys have that. Black Ops 3 comes out on November 6th. See. So next Friday.

Next Friday. See, the thing is I'm not looking for it on November 6th. I'm trying to get a jump on the other guys so I can be a better player. How do I get the game early uh how do you get the game early yeah unfortunately you cannot with us man unfortunately we uh you can actually come out to like our midnight release but that's all we can really do like uh next thursday night at midnight we're gonna have a release of the game so you can actually come out and get it then but you need to pre-order before it comes out put five dollars down towards the purchase you get

some extra content. You get the extra Nuke Town map, one of the most popular maps in the game, for free immediately when you pick it up. Huh. So, you know, pre-order, $5. I assume that knocks off the price. But I am willing to kick in a little extra if that's what it takes to get Black Ops 3 early. Unfortunately, I cannot do that, man.

I'm sorry. No, you know, earlier you said we can't do it, right? Like meeting GameStop. Give me one minute, okay, sir? I'm currently helping somebody. I'll be right with you. All right. Okay.

Yeah, man, absolutely good. All right, man, what's up? I'm sorry about that. All right, so you said we can't do it, and I get that. Like GameStop organization doesn't want to let this thing go early. But we could do it. You and I. Absolutely not, man.

I'm sorry. I can't do that. What's the holdup here, right? Like, I'm willing to pay for this. I'm willing to... Like, I don't know what it is you like. Maybe you like money. Maybe you like strippers.

Nah, man, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. No GameStop's going to do that for you, man. I apologize. It's not going to happen. We can't break the street date on our product, man. We can't ruin our relationship with our vendors like that. I mean, I'm willing to do nearly anything to get this early. Think of me as your playground. What would it take? No thanks, man. I'm good. Sorry.

What's your concern about making this happen? What is the holdup? concern about making this happen? What is the holdup? I can't, man. I can't break the street date. I can't ruin our partnership with our vendors like that. I'm sorry. There's not really a law against breaking street date. It's more of a guideline or a rule. And it could be profitable for you.

No, it's definitely not going to be. Alright, man. I have some other people I have to help, though, so I appreciate your call, but sorry about that. I doubt those other people are willing to pay like I am to get Black Ops 3 early. Well, you might be right, but sorry about that. I doubt those other people are willing to pay like I am to get Black Ops 3 early. Well, you might be right, but sorry about that, man. All right, you have a good day. All right.

Or his playground. I like that. I like that. I got a little... He got really uncomfortable from that point on. He's like, nah, nah, that's all right. from that point on yeah he's like nah nah that's all right uh i want to see someone accept that invitation yeah what are you willing to do you know are you drug and disease free you know

ah i you know what i should have asked him for someone he works with like you know look to your left look to your right who's your shadiest co-worker that would be the the next route to go i'm happy you didn't do the standard ask for jamal approach yeah i feel like we've uh no no that's who wants the next one you want to try a best buy or do you want to try it yeah game stop you're gonna stick with game stop that was these people are loyal to a fault. What is with that? I'm going to start with that. Let's start with that. You want to start with a GameStop?

I'm just going to go to the GameStop, but I'm going to open with, look man, you're the fifth GameStop I've called today. Probably the 50th of all time, and nobody's ever willing to take a bribe. What's the deal? What do they have on you? Is it like

Scientology? I was going to say that. What's your fucking problem, bro? Are you ready? Don't curse so they'll hang up. Yeah, I know. That's what they're waiting on. They're hoping you curse.

All customer service people are thank you for calling gameshow hey I'm calling because I want the new black ops game when does that come out like next Thursday right that is correct Thursday at midnight so I have a question

when do you get the game like when does it get shipped out to the stores they get shipped out to the stores? They get shipped out sometime next week. Okay, so you're like the fifth GameStop I've called, and I want to ask, like, what I'd like to do is bribe you, honestly. I'd like to give you a large sum of money for you to sneak me out a copy early. But everyone says no to this, and I'm shocked every time, because I'm willing to give you, like, $500. know to this and I'm shocked every time because I'm willing to give you like $500. I'm wondering what is it about that GameStop job that makes you guys so loyal? Because I really do want this game early. I want to get a jump on all the other players. I really just want to play single player

to be honest. And I'm willing to pay you $500 on top of the cost. So what gives? Honestly, it's the if we get caught, it is very easy for us to get caught because our corporate tracks everything. It's a several thousand dollar fine. Okay it is very easy for us to get caught because our corporate tracks everything. It's a several thousand dollar fine. Okay. So, so I have a way to do this because I've done it before. All you have to do, go in the back, open a copy up, take the disc out, leave the case there.

And just on midnight release, you scan that case, put $60 in the till and we're done. Right? Then the copy, you know, it, it, it comes out of the back at the correct time as far as GameStop is concerned. But meanwhile, you've mailed me a disc overnight, and I slipped $500 in your pocket. I guess we're just not willing to take bribes.

I don't care about we. Are you willing to take a bribe? I am not. See, back in the day, people took bribes. Like, I watch Sopranos, people taking bribes all the fucking time. What is this? Like, come on. You know, I would love for somebody to bribe me. Nobody ever tries to bribe me.

I would take a bribe like that. I'm not gonna tell anybody. Well, I guess unfortunately we're not willing to take bribes. Let me, are you worried about some possible legal ramifications? Is that part of it? Um, partially. Okay, good. I'm glad you said that. Bear with me a moment. I have my attorney, Cliff Hutchinson, on the line with us right now. I'd like to involve him with anything like this. Cliff, are you there? Yes, I'm here. So you've been listening in on the

conversation. Could you speak to this gentleman and maybe put him at ease? Yeah, of course. So I've been listening only one side, of course. Could I grab your name real quick, sir? Oh, Tony. Tony. Let me just note that at this location. All right. so my client is absolutely correct. It's a lot of red tape you're talking about. It's not actually legal. They're not able to they can find the store up to but not exceeding $1,200 in the event that something goes wrong.

Even then, they're not going to send out an auditor for every copy. They expect these things to happen. They send extra just in case. There's no reason not to take the bribe from my client's it's it's certainly not legal and it's not even technically a bribe if you ask me he's paying a service for for you to get in the game ahead of time is that something you think you or maybe

even a co-worker could accommodate separate in the legal it's not it's it's against the rules but it's not against the law if you know it is a good thing to come to see if it's a bit daily that was yeah it's extremely well done but it is illegal it is not against the law i was against the rules it would be it it could potentially jeopardize a

relationship with your provider of games but it's about a lot of things began the distributor is completely separate from the publisher who is and in this case the law would be in their favor for what date that product is able to be sold to the public and not up to five decision i can make you what up live that people who make the game right correct

where do you want to go uh... you know i'm sorry that's interesting that they hire attorneys at GameStop now. We are not willing to take bribes. You guys have a fantastic day. It was extremely well done. I do applaud you for your...

$1,000 my client will be willing to give you in addition to the cost of the game. That will almost mitigate any losses from getting caught by an auditor. You couldn't use a grand right now, sir? You're still on the line, which leads me to believe that you could. I think it just takes Skype a second to recognize that they hung up. Ah, fuck. That was great!

You see what I mean? We see this time and time again with GameStop employees. What is that? I swear to God, if I were working there and this came across, I mean? Like, we see this time and time again with GameStop employees. This is so loyal. What is that? What is that? I swear to God, if I were working there and this came across, I'd be like, yeah, how many copies do you want? Like, I got a crate. Like, hey, man, maybe me and you could partner up. You're telling me that these things are worth a grand apiece?

I got, like, 500. Fuck this job. You know what I mean? Like, I don't get it. Yeah. Like, I... What is the take-home pay there like that has to be two weeks paid they probably slave away for 80 hours to get a grand i feel like maybe you know i i know a few years ago when we were doing this like and you know the economy was really bad it was hard to even find a job at gamestop maybe i suppose but but like seems like now like if you wanted a game if he wanted another job at a similar venue, he could get it, right?

Like, I just don't feel like if he loses his GameStop job, it's game over, bro. Yeah, all goes to hell. Especially when you got, you know, 500 bucks in your back pocket to, like, float you until you get that next, uh, that next job opportunity. I don't get it. I would totally do this if I worked there. And what I'm really surprised at is that we've never had any fans who work at a GameStop who are willing to take the bribe as well.

It's shocking. The fact that that hasn't happened leads me to believe that there may be some backdoor training over at GameStop. Some GameStop Gestapo may stop by. They take you in the back, strip you naked, make you do sex acts, take they take you in the back strip you naked make you do like sex acts takes pictures of and they're like if you ever and i mean ever leak a copy of

call of duty like i don't know what they're doing to them in there doing all that for like 825 yeah yeah you gotta really love video games to to put up with the game stop to stop uh someone has to one of our fans has to work at GameStop. And they have to be able to help us. Someone out there. You're just asking to get like pranked though. Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, for you to get my attention, you're going to have to send us photographic

evidence. If they try to prank us, I tweet their phone number. We got over 9,000 retweets on one asshole. Over 9,000 retweets is a lot. Over 9,000 retweets is a lot. I remember when you did that. That poor guy. He had to get a new number.

He got a new number and the retweets were still rolling in. I had fans telling me that they used bots to send him tens of thousands of text messages. And I was like, what happens when you get 10,000 text messages? They're like, the phone usually just dies, you know, because it's going to just like keep receiving them. And that's using a lot of battery in it. They just flood in and make the phone pretty useless for a while. vibrates itself to death i just turn it off i mean i've been docked several times my phone number gets out i think i'm on my i probably am on my fourth phone number since i started youtube they're still doing it though they'll keep it up for months like like every now and then somebody

will tweet me hey bro you know that number yeah i gave him a call yeah i love no we don't we don't forget you got to get a new number i did when mine gets out like there's no attempt to keep it or wait for it to blow over it's just like now you need a new number yeah so um that's it so i just got back from texas i i think so i don't talk about um the fps russia productions that much and like promote it or anything, but I got to say, I think the video that we made this past week is the best one I've ever made. It's definitely the highest effort one, the most expensive one that's like privately funded because like, I don't know, we did Call of Duty stuff. They had like half a million dollar budgets.

But with this, it was, you know, we had drones in the air. I had Richard Ryan out there in the video with me using his high-speed cameras. We've got a tank. We've got a quarter-million, $300,000 house and 150 pounds of binary explosives and other, like, 50 pounds of TNT, shape charges, body-armored mannequins, soup kitchens, fucking...

It was a high effort video took us two full days to film out of the Ox Ranch in Texas and I don't know there's everything there's zebras in the video there's a tank driving through the house in the video there's explosions very close to people in the video

there's dozens of machine guns and we had one hell of a time I don't know when the edit will be done, but be on the lookout for that because I really am proud of this one. I'm looking forward to that. And, of course, going out there is so much fun. The last night we all went hunting. So we get on one of those Ford Raptors.

It's a four-door F-150 that's souped up. And on the back, instead of a bed, he's got like a raised platform with two sets of bench seats. So Eric, who's a RAC veteran, 8888, and his buddy Chad, who worked with me on productions, they're sitting in front of us, and me and Richard Ryan are sitting in the back. And we're just exposed on this raised platform on the back of the truck. I'm wearing night vision binoculars with a helmet. I've got a fully automatic 300 blackout with an infrared laser that can only be seen if you're wearing night vision goggles. And we're riding around

completely blacked out, no lights, no running lights whatsoever. And just a herd of pigs runs out and I hear, contact, 12 o'clock. And everybody just fucking opens up. And it's just, Richard's next to me with a scar heavy. Eric's got a Tavor with a night vision scope on it. He's letting them have it. And then Chad's got a suppressed AR-15. He's letting them have it. We had a great time on that trip.

The wildlife alone he's got, like, I'd a we had a great time on that trip that it's the the wildlife alone he's got like i'd never seen a white buffalo or a giraffe or a camel like up close and personal so i had a really good time um you'd never seen it i don't know what else to say you gone to the zoo not like yeah but but here you can like go pet it and it'll like try to chew your hair i've had a giraffe before the north carolina zoo lets you do they um you're on a deck that's like 10 feet in the air already so you kind of see an eye to eye with the giraffe and you can feed it branches i think and pet it and stuff like that they're real gentle well these giraffe are gentle anyway in the wild they're going to be very vicious i have no idea what they are in the wild but these are yeah they uh the camel, they're going to be very vicious. I have no idea what they are in the wild.

But these are... Yeah. The camel that they've got used to be in the giraffe pen, but it would attack the other animals, and it would put its head under a buffalo and flip the buffalo in the... Not a buffalo, a watusi, one of those cows with the huge horns, like a 2,000-pound animal.

The camel lifts it up in the air, throws it, the thing lands on its head and breaks its neck. They had to neuter its neck. I watched a documentary. They tell me that if it wanted to, it could bite me

and throw me over its shoulder, over a car, which was kind of scary because I was hanging out with it. It bit my head right here and it's mouth is big enough to encompass my whole skull. I got some video of that. I'm going to get it to you, Woody, on YouTube so we can play it on the next PK.

It's hilarious of the camel biting me in the head. What's the animal that just doesn't give a shit? I forget the name of it. It was like a meme for a while. Honey badger. I saw an hour and a half long documentary on a guy who keeps honey badgers as pets they're the worst pets in the world they're awful like it they're very smart and all they want to do is get out of their pen and fuck shit up they attack the

other animals they damage it they're like tearing his car apart they're destroying everything and he's trying to give the thing a decent place to live. But if you so much as put two sticks in there, the fucking thing makes a ladder and gets out. And then you discover the next morning that your tires have all been ripped to shreds and that your cat is dead or whatever. Good. You shouldn't have that in his house. He's a fucking idiot. He deserves to be killed by it.

He did keep it as an outdoor pet. But he had like an outdoor enclosure. and he showed you how it evolved. Every time this thing would escape, it would do thousands in damage, and then he would plug that hole. But it's like playing whack-a-mole. Another problem would pop up, and another one, and another one. How do you even have a door? Because this thing is excellent at climbing, and it would just put its hands in the cracks and work its way out. You can't even grab those things.

I saw a little YouTube research on one of those vendors where you just look at a ton of YouTube shit about animals. I do that. You can't even grab like their back. You know how you can grab a cat, it's misbehaving, back of the neck, squeeze the skin, it's kind of just docile. With these things, if you do that,

its skin is so loose, it could just like whip its whole head around like it's wearing its skin like a poncho so it's like yeah hold someone down by grabbing onto their poncho and they could just obviously turn around and fuck with you yeah like if you get a grip of most like if you were to say grab me by my back skin you'd have me right and most animals too these things yeah it's like a loose jacket where they can spin around inside their skin and attack you like it they're you shouldn't be keeping those things they shouldn't even exist they're awful i love those stories on the news when people keep odd pets and they end up getting

fucked up by them that everybody was so sad about that chimp lady oh i was just giving my chimp wine and benzodiazepines every day and then suddenly he got a little out of control. It's like, did he? Well, it was a friend, though. Did he get out of control, you idiot? The woman who owned the chimp wasn't the one who was attacked. It was her friend. So that made it even worse, and it ripped her fucking face off.

Hey, Betsy, will you come over and babysit my chimp? No, I won't. I will not take care of the chimp. Dude, did you see that guy who got into the chimp fight? We tried to have him on the show. He told the story of how he fought a chimp. I want to show his whole video, but I feel like it's too much. I think I've seen it.

There's no way that chimp was going all out or even trying that hard. Like, you can't survive a chimp fight. Everyone says that. My money's still... Humans are really more badass than we get credit for. Joe Lozon could fuck up a chimp. I'm sure of it. Joe Lozon wouldn't have any fingers or genitals

if he fought a chimp. No. Like three seconds. They go for your... Like one of the things that primates will do in a fight is like... Because the whole reason they're fighting is to fight over females, right?

So if you can rip the other guy's balls off, then why do you need to knock him unconscious? Won't he be surprised that Joe's mouth guard and titanium cup? People rip that titanium cup off with the balls attached. Everyone makes them into super monsters. I don't feel like chimps are great at throwing

punches, but I feel like they're real good at grabbing something and pulling it off of you. I feel like they're good at that and scratching. And they do that thing where they just monkey whip you with both arms all crazy something and pulling it off of you. I feel like they're good at that and scratching. And they do that thing where they just monkey whip you with both arms like all crazy. I don't know, man. I have no idea how

strong a chimp is. I've never tangled with one. But I know that animals are always surprisingly strong. Like that camel, for example. I put my hand around its neck and it was so strong. Ten times my strength it felt like. was just it like I was a toy I don't know I wouldn't want to tangle the champ. I've seen that video too. I believe him. I believe his fight Yeah, yeah, I believe everything he was interesting it is so the guy had this real strong kind of like

Jersey accent if you could call it that and he's like you know So the chimp came at me and I grabbed it and I threw it away because I didn't want to hurt it. Unbeknownst to me, you can't hurt a chimp. And then later he was like, like he'd like grab him and claw him and stuff. And then he threw it down on its head as hard as it possibly could.

And he came right back at him. Like it wasn't an issue at all for him. Apparently chimps are pretty tough, but I feel like they're, I don don't know the difference has been exaggerated pictures of the the shaved chimps yes they're not like shaved chimps and it looks like they're body builders they're just sitting there just so just the muscle even looks dense like it's not human muscle it's like it looks like if you touched it it would be like the heart of the rock oak wood or something on the other hand have you seen bears with no hair look like big rats horrifying as well well horrifying I'll grant you but I I feel like if I saw a hairless tiger the thing

would just be skin stretched across muscle and really impressive you see a hairless bear and you're like, like, I don't know. The tiger would fuck you up. They've got that loose skin thing going too. Yeah, and some fat on them and stuff like that. Well, they have to hibernate. But even then, a bear would fuck you up.

Like, there was some YouTube video or some shit where it showed like a bear's swiping strength with its paw. And when you see that in the wild and they like hit each other they kind of just absorb the blow and it's like ah you bastard you know it's not life-threatening it doesn't look like if they do that to you like your head apparently it would just like take it clean off like just break your neck break broken neck and just your head is like hanging by a couple you know veins and soft tissue so i have i have an idea for a prank call i want to call up gamestop and i want to do two things one try and

get black ops three out of them and two i feel like we could offer him a job at hopefully a better game store that they might like more and make that part of the deal. Like, get me Black Ops. I linked it. Game theory. Can I just say that now that you've linked these, these look like mom and pop stores. The kind where like...

Check this out. We have a second brawny man. Oh, that's fun. Wow. A lot of creativity there. Yeah. Put it here. Oh, wait. Is that Woody and Colin?

Yeah. I thought it was brawny man and son. God, you're such an ass. The paper towel magnate. Yeah. Are you just wearing... Is that even a Santa robe you're wearing, Kyle? Or is that just a red robe you have?

It's honestly a Santa Claus costume. The beard's in the back somewhere. There's pants for it, but I don't know why it doesn't button. That's what I was saying when I was putting it. I was like, what the fuck is this, a Santa robe? Like, there's no way to attach the side. So, yeah, it was this or that gorilla man that makes me sweat my balls off. I don't know. Gumby's here somewhere.

It seems like a lot of your costumes revolve around having a mask on or something really uncomfortable and heavy over your head. Well, that's because they're made to dress dummies up and shoot with flamethrowers and machine guns and stuff. That's true. Well, good thing you have seductive Santa there just as a backup. Sexy Santa, like Michael Scott.

What were you last year? What was Woody last year? I had a bunch of... I did, like, six costumes last year. I did, like, a gorilla, like, two or three, like, zombie masks. You were a priest, right? At one point?

Yeah, I was a priest at one point. Yeah. Yeah, I had a bunch. That's what I actually wore to the Halloween party a year or two ago. I went as a priest. right? At one point? Yeah, I was a priest at one point. Yeah. Yeah, I had a bunch. That's what I actually wore to the Halloween party a year or two ago. I went as a priest. I wanted my girlfriend to go as an altar boy, but she wasn't into it. I thought that would have been great.

Yeah. Yeah. I know. Yeah, why wouldn't she go for that? She already had... I don't remember what she went as, but she had a cool thing that she had already put a lot of time and effort and thought into. I wanted to be either, I guess, the zombie,

which is actually Halloween themed, or I wanted to be Caitlyn Jenner, dress up as an ugly woman, and then, like, drag around a doll of a mangled person and, like, a steering wheel that was kind of broken off. Caitlyn Jenner the driver. Have a glass jar with, like, your dick and balls in it that you're carrying around that and the steering wheel and just walking around oh that'd be that'd be funny too late

did you see the reddit one that was michael jackson yeah there was like a 1980s michael jackson where he was black and he had like an afro and then there was like a 2000 michael jackson where he was white and had long hair and he was sort of split down the middle it was well done um you want to call one of these guys and so so remind me so the idea is to call gamestop and then you know because they all seem to be concerned about losing their job make part of the deal a new job at game theory and game theory hopefully being an upgrade. They have like Magic the Gathering and card games and stuff like that.

We could offer them a new career path. And the thought would be I'd be like, alright, I can see you're concerned about getting in trouble. Well, I have a manager from Game Theory on. I'll pull in one of you two and then you can sweeten the deal. I like that. And maybe at some point like ask

them if they're into minecraft and if they've ever heard of woody craft and be like well i'm woody how would you like it how would you like a job at woody craft like what if you offered them an internship at woody craft in exchange for a coffee like if you could find the right guy that might be a a he'd be like oh yeah yeah i do. You could work from home in your underwear. Yeah. You'd have to be a job. He's not going to go for an internship. He's going to know you're going to dump that internship

and it's going to be cut short as soon as you get that game. All right. Well, your job's done here. Yeah. It was a great internship. You know, all three days. Thanks for coming. You built that house and everything.

Great. Yeah. Great job. All right. You know all three days You built that house and everything great All right, I guess I'll I'll lead and see where it goes Do you want to be the manager do you want me to go go ahead manager you meet you go It's a busy day at GameStop. Yes. I like Fallout too. What's Fallout coming out? I like Fallout too. When's Fallout coming out? Fallout 4 is coming out.

No, when? Next week. Next week. Maybe sometime next month. Could not connect. Well, fortunately there's no shortage of GameStops and that's why they're going out of business one after another to corporate America you gotta answer your fucking phone

are they actually going out of business GameStops it's like a mom and pop store that we're calling there oh let me see it was meant to be a GameStop although now that I look at it was let me see what did i know that it was meant to be a gamestop although now that i look at it i don't see what it ended with seven i would think that gamestop would be growing just because they're they're like the only gig in town as far as you know well i don't know who i just called i'll try again try another person i would think a lot of the digital downloads have heard them.

I would think so, too. Hey, I'm calling Games. How can you trade your games for Black Ops 3? This is Justin. I'm going to help you. Hey, Justin. How are you? This is Woody.

I'm doing well. How are you? I'm awesome. I'm awesome. Look, I'm trying to get Black Ops 3 early. Can you help me with this? What do you mean early? Well, early as possible, really.

Okay. Well, the earliest I can help you get it would be 12 a.m. on Thursday evening on November 5th. All right. All right. I appreciate that you're trying, but I feel like that's what everyone else is able to offer. I'm looking for kind of a special consideration. Unfortunately, that's as special as it gets, man. There is no leniency on that.

A pre-order game cannot be released prior to the release date. I hear you. I know that there's rules in place, rules that one might argue are meant to be broken. What would it take? You know, it could be a side deal between you and I, right? I could pay you. You could deliver a game early. This is actually something I do year after year at GameStop.

I just need to find the right partner. Gotcha. Well, unfortunately, I'm not and nobody on this staff at Crabtree is. So, I mean, you'd have to try elsewhere I wouldn't recommend it because if that person gets caught that will be their job and a fine on GameStop but that's your and their prerogative whoever that may be

it's funny you mention losing your job because I have a solution for that lined up with me I have the manager at Game Theory. And, I mean, in my mind, that's an upgrade from GameStop. At Game Theory? Mm-hmm. Yeah, the card shop in Raleigh? Yeah, yeah. They have Magic the Gathering.

They've got Card Shop. They've got Board Game. Yeah, yeah. I'm very familiar with that Card Shop, actually. Yeah. Unfortunately, I'm not really a fan of Game Theory because it got to be, once they moved out of their old location, the smaller location that was behind, I don't even remember where it was behind.

It's been forever ago. They became less personalized, and it became more of just like everything was about Magic the Gathering. So, you know, like I said, you can do whatever you'd like, and more power to you to finding somebody else who would be willing to do that for you but i am not going to and neither is anyone on this staff what's wrong with magic there's nothing wrong with magic i actually played magic since uh oh good grief since uh 99 well my friend here was about to introduce me i'm richard hartney i'm the manager over there at game theory i'm not kind of aggravated by what you're saying about my store. What would you change about it?

You know, I think this might be the guy that... Yeah. What I would change about Game Theory is, like I said, I used to shop there a lot. What I used to do, I used to shop there a lot, but when it was a smaller store and stuff like that, it was very personal, and I enjoyed going there, playing Magic. Everybody was very helpful and stuff like that.

Especially Abe. I always enjoyed hanging out and playing cards with Abe. Yeah, Abe's a great guy, but what kind of deck were you running? Maybe that's why you weren't having fun. What kind of deck? What does a deck have to do with you having fun and playing Magic the Gathering? Magic the Gathering is a trading card game,

and it doesn't have to do with what kind of cards you have or what kind of deck you play. It's about the experience that your shop presents to the customers who are there. You know, just a second. You have a weak deck bro stop stop stop so look i've got a business too and when someone comes to me and says look it's not what it used to be it should be something else rather than get offended i think now is the time to listen like i think this guy might be what you need to restore game theory because he's probably not the only one with this line of thinking.

No, because I've actually been to Atomic Empire recently. Don't get me started on those guys. No, yeah, I know. They're not the best, but they are a little bit better because some people are a little more personal. It's not the greatest staff, but some of the staff is still a little more personal, but mainly because they probably don't do as much business as far as game theory goes.

You know, I had, I remember when I, I own WoodyCraft. I'm not sure if you're familiar with WoodyCraft. It's one of the greatest Minecraft servers in the multiverse. And when we first opened, a guy had these criticisms of our faction server. And rather than just get my feelings hurt, I hired him and we fixed it. That's what we can do here.

You can bring it, you know, as part of the deal, of course, I'd get Black Ops 3 early. You'd leave GameStop, come to Game Theory, and restore it to what it was. Gotcha. Well, again, as appealing as that sounds... Dude, think it through. I feel like you're about to reject this out of hand like as a knee-jerk reaction.

No, no, no. I'm not actually rejecting it. This can be your reality. I'm actually rejecting it because I only work GameStop part-time and I only do it on the weekends or during holiday. I am actually a contractor and I do carpentry work, so that's my main job. Would you be interested in a part-time job over at Game Theory if you're willing to jump back into magic, you know? Would that be something?

What are you making over there at GameStop? You seem like a guy who has a good knowledge of games all around and you obviously hold gaming as a whole in very high regard. Someone like that's always needed to help regain, I guess, the feeling that we've lost at our store. What are you making over there? It's above minimum wage by at least a dollar. So with like $9 970 be appealing? I usually start at 950. I guess 970 is a little better.

I mean, it's, you know, always, you know, open, I guess. But I mean, it's... I don't know. I'm not really looking. Honestly, I really enjoy working at GameStop. I've been working for GameStop on and off for 10 years. So it's not really about the money. It's about the experience. It's about time you move up. Who I work with.

What kind of things would be, would incentivize you to give me black ops three early, which is the, you know, how this all got started. Absolutely nothing. $10 an hour. There is nothing you can offer me. Okay, how much it is for me to give you Black Ops 3 early? Now, I think that's a little odd.

It has to do with the amount. We have dental over here. I have dental as well. It's called personal insurance that I can get through Red Cross. I have a thought. I wonder, like, maybe some sort of magic deck. Also, personal insurance is a little bit different than having an included insurance in your pay plan. Yes, personal insurance is a little different than having insurance provided through a company because it does cost a little bit more. However, I would rather pay for my own insurance, be a contractor and a carpenter,

which is what I really enjoy doing, making way more than what you can offer me, and work part-time at GameStop, being a loyal customer to a great staff, and not have to worry about selling Black Ops 3 early. It's a really fun conversation, though. It's highly entertaining. Glad you're enjoying it. And this is Woody and who is... I'm sorry, I missed the name of the other guy.

Richard. You can call me again. Richard, okay. Call you who? Never mind. Okay, sorry. Woody and Richard. So I'm just trying to get past the hiccup we have here.

So, all right. So here's what I'm thinking. Look to have here. So, all right. So here's what I'm thinking. Look to your left. Look to your right. Okay. Which one of your coworkers is the shadiest? And can I speak to him? Get off the phone.

Get off the phone. She sounds shady. Why don't you put her on the line? We do have a line. It is GameStop, so we generally stay busy. Like I said, I don't have any associates here that are willing to lose their job or take your job offer

to give you guys Black Ops 3 early. Who's that lady in the background? That is the assistant manager. May we speak to her? No. No?

No, because she's telling me to get off the phone, and I'm carrying on the conversation because it's entertaining. So all she's going to do if I give her the phone is hang up on you. I don't think so. That's fine. Maybe we can sneak a word in. Yeah, we're pretty charismatic and entertaining. I doubt she'll hang up on us. Okay, I got you.

So, like, a couple of paladins, but not all paladins have great charisma, so, you know, unfortunately, I'm going to have to let you guys go. That's a great D&D reference, sir. Yes. Thank you, guys. Ah, I wanted to talk to that bitch in the background. I was not going to tell her to shut her cock holster.

Yeah! So, I'm, like, every now and then, that bitch in the background I was not gonna tell her to shut her cock holster so I'm like every now and then I'm trying to like feed lines like you know try to make you suggestions like say this say that I wanted someone to tell her to shut her cock holster because it was clear we weren't going anywhere might as well just hit him hard with a with a with a you know let's freak him the fuck out his little like paladin charisma reference like oh you know those like cringe stomach pangs what a fucking nerd oh i liked him i don't want to tear him down i thought he was nice i actually liked that guy he seemed really neat he did seem nice you know i'm gonna i'm gonna offer him that job oh i was starting to get worried like like because i really think he was thinking about it i bet you right now he's like man you know what maria i'm done here i'm going to work

with richard over there at the magic shop just that whole the guy's whole part-time life at gamestop crumbles in front of us you know what, Maria? These guys are right. You should shut your fucking cock holster. You're a bitch, and you've been a bitch since day one. I'm going to work for Game Theory. I'm getting back into Magic.

Rich, give me your phone number so I can call you. And then we just hang up. So we're a gaming podcast called Panko already, and you just fucked your life up. You've been bamboozled. That was fun. I didn't want to be that mean to him, because he seemed nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He didn't seem like he was right to abuse him.

I want someone to be mean to me, so I can justify going off on them. That would be outstanding! Because otherwise you'd just feel like a bully, and that's... Oh, come on, it's okay to bully them. That would be outstanding. Hmm. Otherwise you just feel like a bully. Oh, come on. It's okay to bully them. I mean, they're just like, you're on the phone. You can bully them if you want. I mean, if it were up to me, we'd give out the number of that last store

and ask our callers to ask for the assistant manager and let that roll forever. How busy could they be right now at a GameStop? We could make them a lot busier. East Coast, so like 4.30. I guess kids just got out of school. Whatever.

That is Saturday. Would you like to try another one? Or try one of these mom and pop stores? I have a hard time even finding a mom and pop store. Let me go back to this link. We could call Game Theory and let them know that there's a guy who'd be interested in working for him. Well, yeah.

His name was Justin, right? Event Horizon or GameStarts. I've never heard of any of these that you've linked here. I feel like a lot of them, like Game Room Home Store. No, that's different. That's not a game. It seems to me that most of the ones that aren't Game stop are i didn't what did i link you i i've never heard of game theory so i see game dynamics here that was the mom and pop store and i actually called them on a previous road to whatever

and um they don't sell video games ah i wonder if they have the ability... What would be really nice is if we found someone who had the ability to order the game but normally didn't. Because I feel like they would care much less about their... the company coming back on them or saying, oh, well you can no longer sell Activision games

at your store. If we went to a store that already doesn't and was like, hey, what do you need to be a distributor? What required is it just a storefront because i i mean i've got a storefront i don't even know oh do i need my video game license like what the fuck too bad it's a weekend we would be calling distributors and stuff if it was work hours like if this is the thursday afternoon we could get on the phone with whoever distributes these games and it's it's uh i feel like we're gonna have a hard time with all the corporate stores like best buy and game style i really feel like pka needs to be the shadiest game seller in the history of game sellers right like oh do you want fallout as soon as we get it that's what we

do it's 20 bucks extra start that business until we find someone to hook us up. We're struggling for three copies right now. We buy from the people that the people buy from, right? That's the idea. Like you know how we say like, hey, will you hook us up? We'd be the people that get hooked up, but we'd be shady as fuck. Yeah, we'd get like 500 copies, and if you're like a member of the PKA Patreon, like just give us your mailing address and send $60. Or something like that. Or, you know, we'll just be like, we'll just jack the price up. Yeah.

$100 each. Yeah, $60. Are you high? Whatever. You know what I'm saying. There must be some money at $60 like everyone else. I don't even know. What do games cost now?

$60. Is it still $60? No, it's $60. I thought it went up for xbox one no okay i think it's 60 um yeah it'd be pretty neat i think we'd get shut down pretty quick who shuts you down like that's another thing i'm curious about like like i just don't know if there's like the video game police are gonna come come, come over. Well, I've spoken to my attorney on this and everything is fine. He assures me.

He went to Harvard. He says we're all good here. Based on his recommendation, I'd like to move. I just realized how close that was to Cliff Huxtable. He is also a rapist. So, you know,

very shady fellow. Claire Huxtable was an attorney. Okay. Oh, really? The mom? Yeah, that's what she did. Well, I didn't put the pieces together. Who's Claire Huxtable? Bill Cosby's TV wife. Oh, I didn't watch that show.

You didn't watch the Cosby show? Was it strictly forbidden by Lamar? No. It doesn't air in Georgia. Family Matters was a superior show. I liked Urkel. That is a great show. I liked that.

Fresh Prince. Yeah, I love Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. And Positive Show. I watched a lot of black sitcoms. Yeah, I used to watch Martin. Remember when Martin Lawrence had his show? That show was awful. I watched it.

I liked it. I used to watch the Queen Latifah show. Like, when she had her sitcom. I've seen all these shows. They weren't all good. No, they weren't. Queen Latifah was a little more clever than Urkel.

Did you ever try and struggle through Full House? It's called Living Single. That was terrible. Living Single in a 90s kind of world. Because Queen Latifah sings the theme song. I'm glad I got my girls Dude this guy wrote in chat call Kmart's and ask for the receiving department

They hold the game until they release it to electronics the stores are closing so it's an abandoned ship situation Where are K-Marts? There aren't many left out there. The only one near us is sad. And I think it's closed. There's two in Raleigh. There's a decrepit K hanging there. The last one I went in literally had like bare shelves like you were in a third world country or something.

It was like, oh we don't have enough of that. To to like present it there were five in raleigh and there's two left this is really promising um who would like to take this one that okay go for it and then i'd be happy to uh you say that the uh the deal is that the receiving department gets the games before electronics yeahronics, yeah. So I want receiving. You do. All right, are you prepared? That's in the back by the loading bays.

Okay. All right. What's the number? I can't remember how to help you. Hi, could you transfer me to someone over in receiving? Which department? Receiving? Receiving. I could you transfer me to someone over and receiving and which department receiving receiving What's location I'll tell you privately

City and state City. And state. Bunch of lazy people. Like, it's good. They have no incentive to work. So they're going to take this they're gonna take this guaranteed i think this this could work i'm excited i never expect these to work it's not even the point yeah i know what are you eating over there

the cupcake colin brought me i'm so hungry I haven't eaten today. Me either. I'm starving. I had a Whataburger yesterday before I left Texas. So good. We don't have those here. For people just tuning in, I'm the brawny guy. Good. The brawny man.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Kyle, it's Santa. Good afternoon, this is Maggie. How can I help you? Hi, is this receiving? Pardon me? Receiving. Is this the receiving department? What did you need, please? I needed someone in receiving.

That's why I'm standing inside the door, sir. In what door? I'm standing in receiving. What do you need from receiving? I need you to shut your cock holster and get a man on the phone. Because you clearly on the phone are not going to get a man on the phone. I'm not going to get a man on the phone. I'm going to get a man on the phone.

I'm going to get a man on the phone. I'm going to get a man on the phone. I'm going to get a man on the phone. I'm going to get a man on the phone. I'm going to get a man on the phone. I'm going to get a man on the phone. I'm going to get a man on the phone. I'm going to get a man on the phone. I'm going to get a man on the phone. I'm going to get a man on the phone. I'm going to what do you need from receiving I need you to shut your cock holes and get a man on the phone because you clearly on the rag

today and you're being bitchy with me right off the start I'm not gonna put up with it god damn it this is the third Kmart I've called you're gonna treat me right or I'm calling corporate right now sir I'm saying receiving what do you need I'm still trying to ask what you need. Oh, okay. I'm sorry. So there's a video game that's coming out next week, and I understand that it comes into receiving first before it goes to electronics. And so what I'd like to work out is some way to, whenever it gets to receiving, I'd like to get it from you directly because they've got this silly thing where they don't sell the game until a particular date.

But I want to get it early. And I live right there in Raleigh, and I'd be willing to give you, say, where they don't sell the game until a particular date. But I want to get it early. And I live right there in Raleigh. And I'd be willing to give you, say, my kid wants this thing. Here's the deal. My kid wants this thing, but he's got to go in for surgery the day the game comes out. And he's not going to be able to play the game for at least five weeks after because it's a surgery for his hand. He was born with this congenital condition.

And, well, he didn't have any fingers on his left hand, and so they took his toes off both of his feet and combined them together, and so they're going to make him a little hand. But before he goes into surgery, ma'am, I want him to be able to play the game. So is there any way I could come in? I'm sorry, I'm getting a little choked up.

I was talking about this. No, no, it's fine. I understand terrible. He wants to play it so bad. I know. I see my little boy just sitting there and he says, Daddy, am I going to be able to play the game? I just want to know if I can come in there

and I'll pay you $100, $200, whatever. I just want to get the game a little early, ma'am. Do you think we can do that? The unfortunate thing about the game is the game will not come into this store. Will not come into this store.

Sir? Until when? It won't come here at all. What? Good question, but I don't know the answer. You're not going to be selling the game at all? Exactly. Okay. Well, have a nice day. Okay.

Oh, that was great. From the moment you told her to shut her cock holster, it just kept getting better and better. I can't believe she stayed on the phone. I did not expect that. And you did a good job with covering the laughing with crying. I wasn't laughing.

I was just choking up a little bit. I was just feeling real bad for little Billy with his toe fingers. I was trying to figure out. He had no fingers, so you wanted to get him the game prior to finger? It really didn't make a lot of sense, but it didn't need to You know I Liked that you didn't just go with they remove the toes from one foot they removed the toes from both so he's got like six six bin bin areas on his tweaker he's gonna be a master we're taking we're trying to get him into some tournaments you know he's gonna be mlg full of adderall get him into

cs go and i'm gonna make my millions you work in that fucking modified claw grip thing that people did yeah oh that was great yeah that that was outstanding felt bad for you yeah oh yeah she's like oh it's gonna be okay it was funny to see her attitude like go back and listen to that if you if it was in the recording whatever and watch her attitude change there were three there were three different versions of her there was slightly annoyed and what do you want there was okay yes whatever you need sir because she like stepped into line immediately when i screamed at her and then there was it's okay it's okay now i now understand why you were screaming you got that fucked up kid and all that was that was pretty good yeah form of the

congenital disease that he doesn't have fingers yeah no fucking fingers and now he's got no toes they call him the penguin at school oh man that was fun They call him the penguin at school! Ah man, that was fun. Somebody wrote, I'm standing in the door, what do you need from receiving? I need you to shut your fucking cock holster! Get me a man on the phone!

I apologize. Kmart really doesn't give a fuck if that's how they're answering phone calls. All you said, you asked three times really clearly, like, I'm looking for someone in receiving. Yeah, I'm in the dope. Yeah, did you think I asked for you? Step all the way in the fucking room because I'm going to need 100% of receiving, not just in the door. That was fun. door oh that was fun yeah that was a good one you never know how those are gonna go like yeah easily just like click

you know when i started screaming at her like a complete cunt i enjoyed that i had to close my eyes there so i could so i could keep keep it straight there for a minute that was correct that was great because I'm looking at you guys' reactions and that's like what did my grandma say? It's like turning over my tickle box. Making me laugh. Your grandma said it was turning on your tickle box?

Turning it over. You tipped over my tickle box. So now that's when you can't stop laughing. All the tickles go everywhere and he's giggling. Your grandma sounds like a sweet lady. She was a sweet lady, yeah. Sorry if you're out there listening, Nini. I hope you're doing well still in heaven or wherever.

Reincarnated or whatever. I was talking to my cousin the other day about heaven and hell and the existence of God and everything. I was like, what if Nini forgot to ask for forgiveness for saying fuck the day before she went senile and now she's burning in hell, Scott? I was like, how does that make sense? He's like, yeah, you got a point there. I hope Nanny's not in hell. He's got to wait until you get there.

Yeah, yeah. I was like, what if we go up to heaven and we're like, oh, this really is paradise. Where's Nanny? Yeah, yeah, I was like, what if we go up to heaven, and we're like, oh, this really is paradise. Where's Nanny? And St. Peter's like, oh, she forgot to ask for forgiveness for that F-bomb she dropped just before she went senile and her liver went. So she's burning for all eternity. You think you're going to make it to heaven?

No, I don't think there is a heaven, so. No, I know, but I was saying, if there was one, you were saying that you were going to make it up there. If I suppose, but, you know, I'll cover all my bases, of course. Say I'm lying on my deathbed, I'll make an honest and, and, and meaning, and I'll mean it. And, you know, ask God to forgive me for all my sins and just fingers crossed that, you know, hey, if he exists, then let's cover all my bases. All the, all the gods, really, you know, I'll give a shout out to Zeus and Apollo. No pork on your last day, just in case. No pork, no.

No shellfish, no pork. Make sure I'm wearing all cotton mixed fabrics. What are the Mormons? The Mormons have that special underwear. I'll strap some of that on. I'll get one of those head wraps. I guess I'll get a boot up. I believe it's called a towel head.

Yeah, yeah. I'll get a towel head in there that I'm just not good at you gotta eat a lot of goat eyeballs to get right after you fuck it yeah well of course and and I mean as you do I love that it's um yeah I really do believe that yeah Yeah, yeah. That's the thing about all those religions, especially Christianity, where it's like, well, if like, so basically Charles Manson could make an honest and meaningful, like he'd convert and truly ask for forgiveness for all the awful things he did and he would go to heaven. But my grandma would go to hell if she forgot to ask for forgiveness for, say, taking the Lord's name in vain or something or some minor sin. That never made sense to me. And the idea of being happy with, like, heaven.

How could there be a paradise that didn't involve, like, your loved ones? Like, what if my dad doesn't make it or my mom and my sister make it to heaven, then how is it going to be paradise then, right? Like, if my mom and my sister make it to heaven, then how's it going to be paradise then, right? Like, if my mom and my sister are not burning in hell for all eternity, if I got to live with them for all eternity, then it's like, well, I'm fucking, yeah, it doesn't work either. I'm sure heaven's pretty big. You don't got to live across the street.

What were you talking about? That fucked with me as a kid, because I went to a religious school, and my mom was religious when I was little, and I was, like, terrified of hell going there. And my, like, even though I thought my bases were covered, I could never know. Because, like, if I had an impure thought and I was, like, 10, I was like, fuck! Or, oh, no, I did it again!

Like, and then just confess real quick just to be safe. And my mom took me to a Christian psychologist for it so I could talk about my fears of hell and of everybody burning in hell. And I got there. And what a psychologist should be saying is like, you know what, those are unfounded fears. It's not real. It's going to be okay.

Your family members, your grandma and grandpa, they're not going to burn in hell for all eternity. But after I spilled the beans to them saying, i'm just worried that i'm gonna burn in hell and everybody i love is gonna burn in hell and i just don't know what to feel about it and the guy was like i looked up to this guy because he's an adult and he's like well that is a very real fear oh my god and that and i was just like oh oh no shit no. Shit. Fuck. Yeah. Even this guy said it. I thought there was a chance. I was getting ahead of myself. You're afraid of it too.

Oh. Yeah, it's such bullshit. You should get into religion for, that shouldn't be the reason that you have faith. It shouldn't be at the point of a gun or at the point of a threat of eternal damnation. It should be for the positive aspects of religion which all religions have i'm uh i'm pretty uneducated on the topic and i don't really have faith and that's like that's part of the challenge like it without insulting anyone allow me to insult people i i feel like most of religion falls apart even under very basic, like, critical thinking, right?

If you look at the stories that they hang to and what little I do know of it, there seems to be a selective all or nothing kind of thing. You know, there are people who will just demand that Noah's Ark actually happened and all the animals and shit like that. There are people who really cling to the idea that Earth is only whatever, 6,000 years old. And that stuff just completely falls apart under any kind of critical thinking. And, you know, my father, who's very religious, will say, you know, you haven't been given the gift of faith yet. You know, he has hope that I'll turn around.

And I just don't know how that can happen can happen because like in every other aspect of my life, I just apply a little bit of critical thinking to figure out where I'm going on this thing, right? If the transmission of my car doesn't work, I don't suspect God. If the, you know, weather turns rainy, I suspect that moist, humid air, it has hit some cooler air. I don't say God, you know, I don't just turn to God for all the things I don't understand. And in the things that God does seem to handle, like the afterlife, I look for some modicum of proof, and it all falls apart. The proof they do come up with, like Jesus burnt into some toast or something, or Virgin Mary burnt into toast.

I see. It just doesn't hold up for me. I didn't know what you meant at first. I was like, I'm thinking back to my Bible school, and I'm like, they didn't burn him or anything. No, no, no. And it's just, like, Jesus is his own dad, but he's his son, and then there's a Holy Ghost in there.

And the whole thing, like, nothing about it makes any sense to me. And the slightest amount of critical thinking tears it apart. Nothing about it makes any sense to me. And the slightest amount of critical thinking tears it apart. But I will say that there are people who have faith. And it's hard for me not to look at them and be like, yeah, well, they only have it because they're not thinking it through. But there are people who have faith and it brings them great joy. like soulful happiness comfort uh like a a piece that you know that without faith you kind of don't have you you're more like well this you know what i see is what i get and this is where i stand on this thing and that's that well i think it's time to talk about oh yeah this is a great segue please

I don't like segues I don't see the point of this maybe that came off like a dig if I was them I don't know that I'd want to go right from and how's your credit Taylor I don't know exactly right who does

we would like to welcome our newest sponsor to paying credit karma what's the most important number in your life my IQ Exactly, right? Who does? We would like to welcome our newest sponsor to Paying Coup Already, Credit Karma. Woody, what's the most important number in your life? My IQ. It's not your age, and it's not your IQ. It has a huge impact on your finances, what you might pay for credit card interest, home and auto loans, and student debt. It's your credit score. There's no catch here, though.

They never asked me for my credit card. Excuse me. Wow, this is... Okay. There's no catch here, though. They never asked me for my credit card. Excuse me. Wow, this is... Okay. There's no catch. They never asked me for my credit card number. Everything on their site is free. What I like about Credit Karma is they don't just show you a score and send you away.

They actually break it down so you can see how your actions can affect your score. Like, if you use too much of your credit limit, your score goes down. I recently found out that 25% of people in the U.S. have errors on their credit reports. Now that I have Credit Karma, I can check my reports whenever I want to make sure everything's on the up and up. If your credit score, it's your credit score, and it's crucial to

know what your score is and how it works. The problem is, most people get stuck paying for their credit score. Don't pay for your credit score. With Credit Karma, you can see your credit score right now absolutely free. So if the audience out there listening live wants to do this, you just go to creditkarma.com to get started. You'll also get free tips and suggestions to see and manage your credit,

free credit monitoring, and free alerts when your credit score changes, which is great because if your identity gets stolen and someone starts messing around there, you know it right away. Don't let today end without seeing your credit score. Thanks to Credit Karma, you get it for free. Go to creditkarma.com and get started.

I am actually a Credit Karma customer. I've been one for over a year. Maybe two years, something like that. Like, no joke. Go on. Did you say your wife discovered it or something like that? Yeah. What happened is we got doxxed for like the trillionth time or something and

people were like fucking with credit. Like someone opened like I get this credit card bill from a bank like small regional bank in New York or something and I'm like, wow. Yeah. And I call them up and be like, this is totally not me. Like I have nothing to do with this. And we went to Credit Karma,

and now we get like early informed and protected and stuff like that from all sorts of identity scams and thieves. Did any of that affect your score at all? No, no. That's good. Yeah, it doesn't affect your score if it's fraud like that. But it is a pain in the ass we don't like it but um yeah i've heard it can be hard to like like if someone does that to you to get it all straightened out and everything um and i occasionally have some

it seems like i use my debit card everywhere and i think every now and then the number gets stolen because that like my uh my bank will call me like your card just got swiped in new york are you in new york right now and say no I'm not in New York right now. That's not me. It'll be just trivial shit. It won't be $800 or $6,000 or some bullshit like that. It'll be like $10. Something like that.

Jackie's purse got stolen. This is a while back. My first guess would have been they would have tried to get a flat screen TV or something. But it was cigarettes and small dollars worth of cash withdrawals. And they didn't know the PIN number and stuff and they failed. They instantly discovered that, I guess if you try to buy cigarettes with our card, that red flags right away because we've never bought them before. Yeah.

I never thought about that. Yeah. And they sort of stopped it and stuff. But yeah, we legit, no joke, went to Credit Karma a while ago when we were having issues with this sort of thing, and Jackie likes them. Oh, let me be right back. I got a little thing that I think...

I just want to show you, too. It's not that cool, but I thought it was kind of funny. Be right back. All right, Taylor, what do you think it's going to be? I think you won't switch costumes. Oh, well, it's a souvenir. Thanks, Kyle. Ruined our guessing game.

A souvenir. So I think it's going to be related to the trip he was on last week. That's going to be like some animal tusk or tooth or head. Ooh, I thought it was going to be a detonator, but yours sounds better. I wonder, do you know if he actually kept the pig meat? I wouldn't think he'd fly home with it. Seems like a waste if you kill a bunch of pigs and then you don't keep the pork. He killed pigs last week.

Oh, maybe that wasn't last week. He wasn't talking about last week when he was saying he was shooting pigs with a machine gun or something? I'm pretty confused. I know last week he spent two days filming the destruction of that nice home. Yeah. That's going to get a lot of views, but it's going to get a lot more dislikes than he does usually because someone's going to, or not someone, bunch people are gonna be like oh you could have given that house to you know the homeless or you know donated the parts to so on the last one that says uh oh she says he did kill pigs like sometimes

i'll be like you know i don't even know how many xbox ones i have and i i think i have three but i'm again i'm really not even sure and they're like dude you should give one to a fan or something and i'm the last one to like suggest that but when i saw that he was destroying that home and how nice that home was yeah kind of sad like i don't know what you do with it it's not near things it's in you know an 18 000 acre 20 000 some gigantic texas ranch it's not you know and it's you can't just let someone live on your land like that's not an option it was all stone and masonry so it's not like they could just pick it up like a trailer home and give it to somebody you know that could have let like 60 syrian refugees live there right on it's i i somehow like when a guy has enough extra cash to let FPS Russia handle the destruction of his home, I kind of feel like he's this higher power you can appeal to to fix somebody's problem.

I don't know. It just it was pretty crazy. Apparently he said 20,000 acres at one point. But every 60 seconds in Africa one minute passes yeah we're getting deep here but yeah that's the thing dude have you watched the debates at all

the Republican debates I watched the first one haven't seen any since then are they on like number 2 or 3 now they finished the third one I watched the first two and then I was watching Colin that night i've only caught up on the third one how was uh who were the favorites people liked cruz and rubio coming out of it and they're saying trump did poorly but we'll see um is carson still carson always does poorly in debates

so i mean as far as like ratings like people seem to like him yeah uh in most polls trump is leading but in some polls carson is leading but that gets so much attention you'd think carson was leading most polls the point is they're very neck and neck um i think the republicans in particular it seems like people people have these hero of the week, right? Walker was in charge. Jeb Bush was in charge. Trump was in charge. Carson is in charge.

And this happened in previous elections, too, where I remember Newt Gingrich was leading at one point. Santorum was leading at one point. Nine, nine, nine. Yeah, who's the pizza guy again? Herman Cain. Domino's Pizza. He liked those white women a little too much. Got a little handsy, a little aggressive. Herman Cain was leading.

I can't even remember. But on the Democrats, it feels like there's usually an early leader, and then that's just the end of the story. Or there's like a two-person race, and that goes on for a while. On the Republican side, for whatever reason, it feels like eight different people get to be in first place at some point before they settle on someone.

We'll see if Trump regains the lead or if Carson's the new leader. My prediction is Carson is just one of the eight people who eventually lead this thing. Yeah. I like that it's the outsider candidates who are doing well, though. Because they seat you at the or they stand your podiums at the debate based on your polls.

So the center is the highest, and then as it goes out to the wings, it's lower and lower. Makes sense. But to see, like, Carson and Trump up there leading the Republican Party into this huge election for them is just... And then Rand Paul, who's like actually qualified to be president on the very edges, like, what am I doing here? Yeah, alright, so I was with a group

of very conservative people this past week, and in a lot of ways, I share their beliefs on many, many, in many areas. I think we both do. I think we both identify probably as libertarians. I'm certainly not registered as anything. I personally call myself independent, and I am registered as that, I think, But carry on. I would be libertarian,

I think. So in any case, all of the guys there when it came down to it were like, I like Rand Paul. And everybody was like, you know, I like him too. And the whole room of everybody agreed that Rand Paul's the best candidate that's up there that shares their beliefs the most. A lot of them just didn't like his ideas on cutting back on the military because they themselves were former military. And I'm sure they fear not just cutting back on the number of fighters or missiles, but maybe against benefits for the VA and such. But some of the guys there were wounded veterans and worked with wounded veteran advocacy groups and all that. It's nice to have better tech and be better prepared than your adversaries too, right? I mean, it's not supposed to be a fair fight when you're an American.

You're supposed to be OP. In war, in war in general, it's never supposed to be a fair fight. You know, that's how you win. I just mean Americans are supposed to be OP. Our guns are supposed to shoot straighter. Our drones are supposed to be superior. Our planes are supposed to be undetectable. Our ships are supposed to shoot straighter. Our drones are supposed to be superior. Our planes are supposed to be undetectable. Our ships are supposed to shoot from further away.

Like America is supposed to virtually have cheat codes every time we get into war. Fuck yeah! So far, we've seen much mission accomplished with our military. Yeah. Coming again to save the motherfucking day, yeah! I mean, when you spend $600 or $700 billion a year, your shit should be better, right? I read that F-35 program because they got three of them, one for each branch. And they said that the three versions have drifted so far apart in design that it would have been cheaper to have designed three completely different airplanes from the beginning than what they've done.

I always hear about just so many billions wasted. But I guess you got to break a few eggs to make an omelet right like every project can't it can't go perfect perfectly you know there's got to be some hiccups along the way if you're going to have the best stuff um and arguably we do in most regards i think you know there are some tanks out there that have is it even arguably like we're pretty yeah it is i i so. So maybe I'm speaking out of school here, but just hanging out with the guys I was talking with that had served overseas a lot. Apparently those Russian helicopters are just tough as nails.

And I did see a video a while back of one taking a direct RPG hit, but you'd probably talk to someone who knows more about the Apaches versus their Russian counterpart, and they'd say, well, ours don't need to be tough. nobody can fucking shoot ours or something like that you know what i mean um so it seems that yeah we've got the best of a lot of stuff but i hear about these um supersonic or um what do they call it um it's a different kind it's hypers these hypersonic missile systems the chinese have that kind of make aircraft carriers obsolete. And I hear about how tough the Russian helicopters are and the British tanks, some people say are superior because it was going along.

They were working with, it was very similar to the Abrams, but theirs was just improved upon a lot of things that Abrams had done. So I don't know. I'm not an expert on that sort of thing, but you would hope that we had at least top tier of everything right yeah i mean most of the time we're fighting against like 80s 1980s soviet shit that's been sold to these i was just hearing recently so soviet is at war i guess you'd call it, in Syria right now. And... Oh, Russia, thank you. Is at war in Syria right now. And

they are using new jets. And apparently their new jets are pretty awesome. Like, we're used to them. Like, oh yeah, they're stuck in the 80s. Our stuff just mops up. They're out of the 80s now. Well, yeah, the Russians have, but it's just like the... It seems like all the

other bad guys, like the Iranians, whoeverians have but but it's just like the all it seemed like all the uh other bad guys like the iranians whoever bad guys and i'm sure it's all pointed to you but uh you know all them other bad guys are you always i'm gonna go wings are you thinking sandnager is that the term you're looking for yeah yeah yeah they're always flying those old russian tanks and old russian uh uh migs and stuff but um yeah i was reading about i guess they they were using these drones that completely black out the radar and we can't really tell what they're doing sometimes. I thought that was advanced until I started talking to some of the military guys I was with this week. They were talking about using EMP grenades in 2005 when they were serving in Iraq. I was like, those are real? And they're like, yeah, it blacks out everything. He's like, but then we got the drones.

And we'd fly the drone in ahead of us. And every cell phone within this huge radius just goes dead. None of them work. And so they could go in and hit people. And the people couldn't call and let anybody know that they were being hit. It was pretty cool to hear the war stories, to be honest. Lots of cool war stories. They're talking about being in firefights.

And the one guy had his head down in the hummer taking cover as they were getting shot and a guy shot him with a pkm right in the calf and he was looking at his calf when it took the round he watched it go and like blood spray everything everywhere and then he pulls out his phone he's like and then i took a selfie of myself and he's got a selfie of him and and while he's taking the picture someone's bandaging his leg up. So that was pretty cool, and we were actually shooting a PKM that day, so I got an idea of just how awful that would have been. Jesus. Why would you take a selfie? He's a fucking ranger. He's hard fucking core. That's...

Maybe he just realized that he was about to live life on easy street. That wasn't... no! He's got his leg blown off, right? Oh, no, it just blew a chunk out. He bandaged it up and kept fighting. He got in another engagement where they're driving along. He looks out his window and he sees there's a car to his right. He looked in the car to his right and there's a father and a son.

And he remembered thinking, that boy looks like my boy. And then there's another car to the right of that car. And it starts swerving over and then there's another car to the right of that car and it starts swerving over and then goes off the boy and the dad their car completely explode they're just insta killed his vehicle also explodes but he's okay but they're on fire inside the vehicle trying to get out so it burned his ears up really badly and it you know skin hanging off their nose and stuff. Did he look damaged when you saw him? No. No, okay. His hand was burnt pretty badly, but not in the way that's disfiguring,

more like what I had, where eventually you just really can't even tell. And he was just kind of sad. It was a sad moment there when you talked about the boy dying and exploding. And then he was like... But then they didn't know how to bandage ears uh nobody knew how to bandage an ear so i had these big elf ears that i was wearing that i was i was wearing around the base everybody was laughing at us because our

ears were all burnt up and crispy and you know black and yeah so it was it was interesting hearing all those war stories from those guys they've been in lots of actual firefights and i don't know if it's obviously true with the special forces i'm not sure if it goes all the way down the line to like a regularly regular infantryman but um the way the special forces guys head toward the danger is remarkable to me like i saw us go on you want to tell a story about chris kyle uh being involved with a thing where there was so there was an eight-year-old kid up on a building shooting a gold ak down at the troops chris kyle medal medal of honor recipient right do i have the guy right yeah yeah there's a there's uh yeah there's an eight-year-old kid shooting a gold ak down at um down at the troops apparently

saddam would give his lieutenants a gold ak so anyone who saw them would know this guy's got power like do what he fucking says. And nobody wanted to shoot the kid, but they're taking fire. And Chris Kyle went out and took the kid out, and he was like, you know, it's him or us. It's him or us. He's up there just raining bullets down on my guys and some of our friends. There was a lot of sobering stories told over that, told during that trip. Tim Kennedy was talking about how his friend died.

during that trip. Tim Kennedy was talking about how his friend died. And I guess the thing that he really clinged to was the fact that he died rushing toward the gunfire. And it took a lot of shots to kill him. Oh God, I'm not a military guy, but it seemed like a movie almost. Like most people die when you shoot them. This guy got like shot in the leg

and he's like, well, I can still limp toward him. Then he gets shot in the leg and he's like, well, I can still limp toward him. Then he gets shot in the arm and he's like, well, I can shoot left-handed. And then he, you know, he eventually got headshot. And if I remember the story right. And he was just like, you know, it's, it's rough. And the special forces community is apparently very tight, you know? So everyone's like calling everyone and they're, this guy's down, this guy's down. And, but he took great solace.

I think that's the reason the word the word right in the fact that he died headed toward the danger like that's that's how they all would want to go you know if they're going to drop it needs to be running toward the gunfire and uh it's it's pretty badass um if you were to talk to like 19 year old me i me, I'd be like, yeah, that sounds like a great job. How do I sign up? Can you promise me that I'll be the guy that has to run toward the gunfire? Because I don't want any of those other – I don't want to sign up, roll the dice, and find out that I'm not in death's way all the time. You got to assure me of that. 42-year-old version of me, that's what I am now, is you know like i don't know no death thank you yeah

no this is i'm good here i'm good here that's why they got to get those guys young and they still have all the testosterone and pent-up aggression to unleash their like their frontal lobes are not fully developed and they're much easier to break down and build up again in the new mold that you want for them. So before we go on an anti-military tear and start thanking Woody for his tax contribution, I got this souvenir on the trip. This was a real store

and I just thought that was hilarious. Bottle and bag, liquor guns, liquor store. Ridiculous. They sell guns and liquor. Thoseor guns, liquor store. Ridiculous. They sell guns and liquor. Oh, those are neat. Perfect together. Have you never been to one? No, not that I did both.

That's pretty funny, I thought. Texas is a great place. Every time I go to Texas, I have a good time. People think I'm a lumberjack. I am actually the brawny man. Absolutely. Big, big difference. He's a lumberjack who cleans up messes and is highly absorbent So God

There's one boots or something. I am so itchy. I see you here like I'm just I'm trying to like like spot it yeah Yeah, so I've never had... I had the bald cap, and then they sprayed my face and paint, like airbrushed. They airbrushed my whole face and everything, but what you've got looks like a particular brand of discomfort,

and I don't envy it, but it looks great. I appreciate the high effort. The teeth, especially. Can you give us the teeth? Can you come closer? Yeah, get like... Oh, they're just disgusting.

Nice. Oh, it looks just like yours. He's a coffee drinker right there. Yours look better than Jeremy's. I swear to God. Oh, love you Jeremy. Sorry, man. That's sad. I do feel bad for him.

If you ever want to help getting a loan, both. I don't know why he doesn't get them fixed. I feel bad for him. If you ever want to help get him alone, both. I don't know why he doesn't get them fixed. I've offered to assist him. You can get a payment plan with a dentist. He legitimately probably needs, I think a full set of teeth,

like veneers or implants. Implants, that's what he needs. I think a full set of implants is running you well over 50 grand, depending on where you go and how it's done, unless you go to Mexico. I've offered to assist him in some small small way like the down payment at least get him on some kind of payment plan and it's not a high priority for that man would be for me though so i think for most people that's a whole brand of confidence to walk around without teeth and with yeah because you

because i would always just be trying to hide them and like trying to you know talk like that or something and like well he's from georgia it's a little different i feel like if you have all your teeth in kyle's neck of the woods you're a bit of a show-off top tier baby oh what are you doing brushing and flossing pussy this isn, and that kills the gingivitis. It's true. This isn't like the hub of culture that is one of the Carolinas. Carolinas, we're becoming a northern state. We are on our way to Yankee-hood.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. You get the whole mix of people here. Like, if you leave too far out of St. Louis, everybody acts like it's from the deep south. It's Ferguson. Yeah, I never heard about any hate crimes in the Carolinas. Someone died just like two days ago in another police shooting in Ferguson.

Oh, shit. Really? Yeah. And they're going to break a record for their most murders in a year here. Really? It's going really poorly. Do the police shootings count towards the most murders record? murders in a year here so that's you know really now now wait it's going really poorly do the police shootings count towards the most murders record i mean i like to think they're all on the

same team right you're like come on bros i'm doing what i can here the police they have like a meeting we're three behind last year's record and it's de December 28th. We gotta step it up. Oh, somebody showed me a video the other day. It was a YouTube video. And it was just like silly comedy, like a real quick video. But it was little people. But they were basically little people supremacists. And they called anyone who wasn't a little person, aka a midget, a bigger.

They're damn biggers moving into the neighborhood. Oh, God. I had to put that together. There's a whole thing where a little person, it's a cop, he pulls over a car, and the little person hops out and goes back. He's like, yes, sir, how can I help you? Get to the back of the car, boy. And he's getting back there. It was pretty funny. It was good stuff

I can't remember the name of that The name of that YouTube channel. I'll see if I can find it. It really is That's very creative to call them bakers Taylor. I think it's your turn to lead the prank call Are you down? I Can This video is two minutes long. Would you like to watch it before a prank call? I'd love to.

Okay. This is not even this guy's best video. This was just kind of shared with me over this week and I'd never seen this guy before. His YouTube channel is The Damn Show. Anybody wants to watch Midget Supremacists? Is the video? Alright, so give me one moment here. PKA Big Screen should be

all lined up. Yep, yep. And then go to your link. Alright. I am queued up at zero. Is everyone ready? Yep. Ready, set, play. My name's Jermai Jones and i'm proud to be a midget the only thing more intense than my midget pride is my hate for tall people or as we like to call

them biggers small power small power small hate big problem. He's not a pony. Ponies! Our ancestors been fighting this battle for years. at water fountains. Even food was segregated. In 1989, the organization doubled in membership after the cancellation of television's Webster. This organization is by far the most diabolical in history. It's a fake beard. We're the master race. It's all the same guy. God made us in

his image. My name's Todd Olson and I had a run-in with the midget supremacist it all started when I moved my family into this little town little town from the minute we moved here I noticed that something was just not right oh no oh no we don't serve your kind get your bigger ass out of here The whole town was against us. Athens-Clarke County. That's 40 minutes from my house. Get out of the car, boy! Get to the back. What's the problem, officer?

We don't want your kind living around here, boy. You just stay right there. I'm might have to teach you a lesson that was the last straw i caught a meeting with the mayor i've been harassed called names my wife was called a bigger lover well that's not as bad as getting hit by a chair I hadn't been hit by a chair All this videos are like outrageous and ridiculous like that so you wanna do another call you say yeah, that was great though I'm glad we did it. His other stuff's better. Really? Yeah.

I'll try to find another one that's short and sweet while you do this call. All right. Taylor, are you prepared? So just asking for Black Ops again? Yeah, let me set you up. This one is going to be a Walmart. So I don't know. You might want to ask for receiving. You might want to ask for receiving. You might want to ask for electronics.

And then do your thing from there. I'm liking the receiving route. Those people seem to be surly. Alright then. Alright. So here we go. After this probably an ad read. Yeah. I'll do the ad read and then we'll maybe

watch that other video because I found a very good one. Okay. It's a minute thirty. This stuff's nice and short. Oh. Thank you for calling Walmart. Uh, yes. Hi, my name's Ian. I was hoping you could transfer me to receivables. To what now? Receiving. Oh, receiving. Receiving. I'm sorry. To receiving? to what now receiving oh receiving

receiving I'm sorry to receiving receiving yes okay give me one moment receivables is an accounting department yeah well you know transfer me there too maybe we get somebody

who does the books to help is that lady really quiet to everybody at first anybody want to jump in in the middle yeah if you need help i'll do what i can or kyle actually could you just put me back on hold again i want to hear the song jamming out over here it was kenny g or whatever yeah really putting me in a good emotion i'm gonna try and see if i can actually do this

for people that don't get my costume on the brawny guy i'm uh i'm chemo gone wrong oh i think a little like a war boy that's what someone said in the comments, yeah. It's shiny. You can buy that stuff on Amazon. Really? Yeah, it's silver. I can't remember exactly what the product is, but it's safe. The sales skyrocketed apparently

all these little breaks in the music are awful I feel like I could have slipped this ad read in to like the fucking hold time I think when we talk the music goes on quiet my god

Walmart should be the ones going out of business My god. Walmart should be the ones going out of business for this. Shh, I'm enjoying this. This is a good part. About to get to the climax. We made a new store. Or maybe like... This is where the lazy criminals are. Maybe we call and shout at the first lady and be like you get me somebody down here receivables

I'm calling from corporate right now this is Jim Dashidan god damn it I like the names I will not be disrespected I'm Jim Dashidan I make it break people! My name is Dr. Richard Cox and I will not be jerked around! Your name is Dick Cock?

I say give it a recall. Yeah. Really? Yeah. The same number. Just call the same number. Because that lady in the front is clearly sinister. Probably receiving and they're not picking up.

You could be angry this time. Well, maybe she could, you know, call for some help. But, you know, that's like two minutes of waiting. Yeah, yep. She seemed nice. No wonder Walmart's going out of business. This is Walmart, though. That was Walmart? Yeah.

Okay. I like the Kmarts better. They seem more desperate for business. Yeah, who works at Kmart? Everyone who works at Kmart has to supplement their income with the drug deal. Thank you for calling Walmart. Same people. Guaranteed. Thank you for calling Walmart. Same people. Guaranteed.

Thank you for calling Walmart. 4-25-8, it's a nice job. Yes, I just called and waited for a few minutes trying to get to receiving, and no one answered. Okay, give me one moment. Let me page them again, okay? One moment might be a bit too long. I'm in quite a

rush. Okay, well, I have to page them. I can't. I mean, I'm trying. All right. Okay. Okay. I feel bad.

Yeah, me too. Don't feel bad for these people. Old economy, Kyle. They brought this on themselves. They're just working. But old economy Kyle they brought this on themselves What if you were Jim dash again, she doesn't know But but he brought you know, he's over the whole state all the stories that's true yeah he's vp of operations god damn it he's worked hard for this position hard someone told you not to be a douche i wonder if that's because he thinks that or

if it's a reference to your old podcast oh i don't know. Don't feel bad for the biggers. Should I try to slip this ad read in here while we wait? I don't think so. I will say, hey, if any of you guys are Minecraft players, then be sure to check out WoodyCraft. It's the best goddamn Minecraft server in the multiverse. But those people paid for a proper ad read.

I wasn't going to make light of it, but it just seems like we had a little downtime. I like our next sponsor. I like both our sponsors today. I think it's a great con. Yeah. I think the particular concept of the next one, though, is one I hadn't heard of before. It's pretty interesting. Hmm. Some people are

calling me a sellout. Just if you think I'm a sellout, prove show me your anger by sending money to Woody'sGamerTag at PayPal.com or at Gmail.com Pisses me off.

He hates when he gets money in cents so if you sent him like 70 cents oh it's the worst yes don't do that woody'sgamertag at gmail.com do not paypal it it's terrible

yeah you about to go into your sling blade voice Kyle I don't think that there is anyone in receiving yeah not out like that you just a boy I love that shit I love that movie so much if no one out if anyone out there has never seen sling blade I haven't seen it I really gotta give it a must incredibly powerful performance by Billy Bob Thornton and John Ritter

and Dwight Yoakam too if that's the guy. Or Randy Travis. Whichever. I know there's a country music singer who plays the abusive drunk guy. It's not Randy Travis. It's gotta be Dwight Yoakam. But in any case great movie. Very sad though. I cry at least once during that movie

when I watch it. It's just You're in cringing I'm the token gay guy on painkiller already. I just know the wrong crying back off. It's it's it's it's it's I Cry at movies a lot, but typically not the sad stuff not the stuff that radio. It's the victory like when it that Yeah, remember the Titans. when that that yeah remember the titans yes that's a great example that high peak and then they just crash it down on you with the car accident all those emotions swirling around spoiler no it's not the car accident i'm always that something like all right yeah tough break you got to power through that but when they achieve success that's that's what I like.

And it's not just great things like Remember the Titan. It's every fucking random Disney cartoon and stuff. Like, oh my god, Aladdin. Or whatever. He's not a street rat and he showed them. Yeah. Jurassic Park. I don't want to give it away, but there's a dinosaur fight near the end.

And that brought a tear to my eye. Every freaking victory. I'm all over that. Have you ever seen the Green Mile? Yes. Right there, yeah. That is incredibly sad. I don't remember that being sad.

He just dies, right? When he steps on that fucking mouse. Yeah. Kills that fucking rat. And he's just like the poor old guy with the big mustache who owned the rat or whatever, the mouse. He's like, Mr. Squeak or Mr. Jenkins or whatever his name was.

Jinkies or whatever. And he just like takes in his hand. Yeah, that's a real it's a real tear jerker too and uh like fondles uh lots tom's balls what do we do with this call i think we nix it i don't think there's anybody in receiving yeah let me go into this ad get that get that knocked out okay a new concept in eyewear contemporary eyeglasses that are extremely affordable and fashion for

glasses should be viewed as a fashion accessory not cost as much as an iphone so uh why does it start off like this so it's it's warby parker that's our that's our second sponsor of the night and prescription glasses that starting at 95 including lenses options include both glasses reading glasses and sunglasses it makes buying glasses online easy risk risk-free, and most of all, enjoyable. Whether your eyesight is pretty darn good or absolutely abysmal, Warby Parker has you covered. With a wide range of prescription options, including digital free-form progressive lenses. For those of you with strong prescriptions, Warby Parker offers ultra-thin high-index lenses,

so you'll never look like that kid in the sandlot with the Coke bottle glasses, or like bubbles from Trailer Park Boys. With the home try-on program, you can order five pairs of glasses to be shipped directly to you for free, and then you get to try on all the frames and get a feel for them. Get some feedback from your friends, whatever, and it's five pairs for five days. You mail them back to Warby Parker in a prepaid package and you stick with the ones you want. So head to warbyparker.com slash pka

to order your free home try-ons today. Choose the five frames you'd like to try on, mail the frames back, choose your favorite pair or pairs and have your prescription added to them and order them. Warby Parker makes your experience completely risk-free with free shipping all around the world. You can visit warbyparker.com

slash pka to begin your free home try-ons experience. Also, another little tidbit about them, when you're dealing with them, you contribute to a charitable cause. If you buy a pair, give a pair. For every pair of glasses sold, Warby Parker distributes a pair of glasses

for someone else to read. To someone a pair of glasses for someone else to read to someone else in need for someone else to read and for someone else in need well both the people who need to read I'm going to use this service I've been needing glasses for a while now me too actually

for like six years and that cannot be good for my eyes I have double vision and so does my son it appears and uh it's um they have prisms that they can like just tilt your thing and and fix it and it would be awesome and like kyle mentioned it like it he described it so well that i feel like there's a like a 10 tension where I have to concentrate to pull my worlds into like one unified image that is just my existence all the time unless I'm like watching TV and I don't give a fuck then I'm just like I have two images I don't give I don't care and

like how much nicer would it be if I got glasses and just didn't have to work to make all this right again, like everything could be crisper. Everything could be one, you know, unified. Uh, it sounds cool. I actually have a early November,

like November 4th or something is my date appointment with the eye doctor date with the eye doctor. Be totally different. And, uh, I'm going to get glasses before long and we'll see what we think of that. Yeah. I just prefer to wear contacts because most glasses don't look good on my gigantic head

because they just, like, bow out, struggling, doing their best. Your head's even bigger with that costume on. Oh, but this thing on, it's like a big nutsack. We were speculating what you were going to be. Woody was like, what if he's an owl? That's what I wanted so bad I'm not going to fan that fire anymore it's already roaring

oh that'd be so great I would double down I'm going as a pedo next year you're just going to show up without you should be a catholic priest and you should get like a ventriloquist dummy to be like your altar boy and have a little fun.

He could just be on my cock the whole time. People won't even know. And then I'll stand up, and there'll be a little altar boy. Attached. Yeah. Oh, that's pretty good. Spin it with me. Super glue a doll's head.

What was that? I don't know what that was. You heard it too? Yeah, I heard it too. Maybe the stream. I don't know if the listeners will hear that. It was a little weird. Like, uh, I'd never heard that notification before. It was, it was a tone. Oh, you want to watch this? Uh, let's watch this video. Uh, it's the one I linked at five, uh, 16. All right. This is called the, uh, heavy petting Zoo. All right.

I'm ready when you are. Is everyone queued up at zero? I am. Taylor? Yep, I'm ready. Three, two, one, play. See? Hey, y'all.

Bobby Possum Cod's here. Yeah! Hey y'all, Bobby Possum Cod's here! Yee-haw! I invite you to come join me for the grand opening of my Heavy Pet Zoo! Bobby Possum Cod's Heavy Pet Zoo is for animal lovers that really love animals. Boo! Boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo! Boo! What can I do with Bobby Possum Cod's Heavy Pet Zoo? of... Hannibal! Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Or, just stick your tongue up a pig's ass. Aaaaah! Ayyy! Hello! You get an all-access pass to Bobby Possum Car's Heavy Panty Suit for the low, low price of only $2.99!

Y'all must think I'm crazy! AAAAAAAH! Shoo! Ha-ha-ho! Aaaaaah! AAAAAAAH! Shoo! AAAAAAAH!

AAAAAAAH! Bwubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubb AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH The The worst part is, I know exactly where he is. Danielsville, Georgia. Very close to where I live. These people live near me. They are my neighbors in some way or another. Like, he's close by. He's ten minutes away. He could be your relative.

I didn't know that Jeremy had a YouTube channel. This guy's pretty talented. He's doing all the different characters. And I don't even know how that Chinese one. Oh, the oh the chinese one yeah there's one part he makes a bit about chinese drivers i guess it's from that it's maybe i don't know where the chinese guy came in which is like a horribly offensive racist sort of chinese guy like yeah look at me i'm here my guess is that's leftover footage from another video oh the meth video let's watch his meth video it's also two minutes long and then we'll be done with him

ok these are three I saw is it the next one the 516 ok here is quick link alright are you ready still make videos I don't know. All right, I'm ready. Ready, set, play. The Damn Show, Volume 3. Order now at damnshow.com. Let me ask you a question. You ever feel tired, depressed? Well, I've got you down.

Well, I got the product for you. Oh, shit! Bobby and Possum got methamphetamine! This is incredible! Fuck! How does it make you feel? It makes you feel like this. Just one hit of this shit

and you'll have energy. Weight loss. Euphoria. Concentration! Increased libido! And more self-confidence! Fuck you, motherfucker! Plus, you can get more shit done

because you don't even need to sleep no more! Way up! Yeah! And then once in a while, every so often, it makes you feel like this. Ah! And then once in a while, ever so often, it makes you feel like this. You got a young one ADHD, you put this shit in his fruit, he'll be doing it.

Goddamn, my mouth won't work like a chime. But I heard meth's not good for you. Bullshit. Trust me, this shit is made up of all natural organic ingredients. It's more healthy for you than a fucking apple. Would I lie to you? Side effects may include... Nothing in it! Got no goddamn side effects! But a small percent of pussies may experience paranoia.

Hallucinations. Obsessive behavior. Psychosis. Bobby Possum C methamphetamine get the fuck out of here body said no I like it I like that

he's funny I've had enough of him though yeah yeah yeah I personally yeah three was my fill as well that's where I stopped I was about, I'm at

two and a half. I think I'm a one-er. If I had stopped after the biggers, I would still like him had I stopped at one. You just don't like him anymore. He's got a very punchable face when he gets real close with his badly makeup-toothed. Glass houses, Taylor. Glass houses. He's got a very punchable face when he gets real close with his badly makeuped tooth.

I may pass him, Kyle. Glass houses, Taylor. Glass houses. Right? Good. Good makeup on my teeth. It really is. It's sticking in there.

I thought they would be like... What does it taste like? When she applied it, it smelled really strongly of alcohol. And so rubbing alcohol. And it tasted like that for a bit. And then it's fine doesn't taste like anything it's gonna be a bitch to get all of this off why does she have this talent like it hurts coming off you've got to use alcohol and and dissolve the swab she really likes doing like she's been spending this whole time putting on her mummy makeup she loves halloween and she's really into doing like face makeup and stuff like that.

Can she make an appearance toward the end of the show perhaps? We'll see her outfit. Yeah, sure. Won't be an outfit. It'll just be her face like mine. Hers is going to be better though. But yeah, she's still working. She'll pop on near the end of the show and she's done.

That'd be awesome. Yeah. It does hurt to take off Kyle. Cause it feels like it's going to hurt really bad. Maybe I'll take care of my eyebrow situation. Cause there's some latex right there. Is that the eyebrow that is so unique to you? Or is that,

I thought that was the other side. No, this is the wonky eyebrow that flips up. Give me my owlish, uh, appearance. But yeah. When did you have the, all this on your face kyle it's kind of i did that um that video for uh the hitman video game series and so i became uh the agent 43 or whatever the hell so bald cap and they airbrushed uh tinted my face a

bit and uh do you say your mom didn't recognize you? What was that like? Did she just take a second to not recognize you? So I went to her school wearing the suit and tie, the full makeup, and a pair of sunglasses. And I looked in her classroom, and she went, yes, sir, how can I help you? And I stared at her, and she was kind of getting scared, freaked out. And I was like, mom, it's me. She was like, oh, my God. Like whoa what did you shake and you shave your head and i was like no no it's just makeup for this thing i'm doing and like i ran to a couple of her friends who like i know like i grew up knowing these people met them you know half a dozen times and they didn't recognize me either i was like i didn't even

bother like tell them who i was i was like do you know where so-and-so's classroom is and they're they're like yeah right down there. And I'm talking to a woman that I have known my whole life, and she had no idea. Yeah, it was a different... You didn't recognize her voice? No. No.

I guess not. It's weird. It's pretty funny. Yeah. I got the suit on, the sunglasses, completely bald head. My skin is a lot darker. It was a bizarre look. I thought it was pretty good. Yeah, it was fun to do.

The guy who did my makeup was, he works on The Walking Dead, and he had all these cool stories from doing the makeup there. He had done Susan Sarandon's makeup, and Jennifer Aniston's makeup at one time or another. He was an interesting character. So what is here? Oh! Yes, this is great.

Do you want to talk about this next yeah I'd love to if you want to show maybe the video and kick it off with that and then do a reaction to it not a problem I'm trying to oh I got that I got a thing for the video here I'm gonna queue it up at zero it you got a Jimmy it to do it there I don't can you stop this video once it starts there's a hand it's 15 seconds long so okay yep I'm ready I'm cute up Can you stop this video once it starts? You can. It's 15 seconds long. Okay. Yep, I'm ready.

I'm queued up at zero. Tell me when everyone's ready. I am. I'm ready. Is this the one you were talking about before the show? I think so, yeah, yeah. Ready, set, play. So the cop tells this 15-year-old black girl let's go she doesn't go and now he has flipped

her out of her desk it's went flying he's drug her across the room and he's like on top of her like he would be on top of you know a criminal that he's arresting and he's he looks like he's maybe handcuffing her whatever um and i think it was a little too rough yeah that's right the chair drugger there's some controversy over it so i think the cop is already fired like they just they got rid of him immediately um but they're the students of the school if i'm right on this god i hope i am have like protested in favor of the cop have said that his actions were reasonable. Now, what do they know? What? There's no way that students at a high school are protesting in favor of a cop.

Unless there's like an article showing that, there's no way. There's like, I imagine like three like white supremacist asshole kids out there like, yeah, drugger good. I'm going to see if I can... How old is that girl?

All right, here. I have another... I haven't seen this video before, but let's watch it together. And... I'm having a hard time watching it, actually. Okay, I'm buffered at... You know, I'll go back to zero, but at one.

Tell me when you guys are ready. Yeah, it's one minute long, so it should be okay. I'm there. Taylor, are you muted? Oh, I did mute myself. Yeah, I'm there. Why did the students walk out today? Go back. Stop it.

Well, the students say officer. All right. Tell me when you get to zero. I am at one. Ready, set, play. Why did the students walk out today? Well, the students say Officer Benfield is a good guy and that they don't want his reputation to be ruined by all that's happened.

Mine's all broken up. It sucks. Well, I did take this. ruined by all that's happened. About 100 students at Spring Valley High School rallied in support of the school resource officer who was fired earlier this week. The students walked out of a class for a rally in the atrium. The group wanted to show administrators their support

for Fields. He was fired from the Richardson County Sheriff's Department for the way he handled a student who refused to leave for class after her teacher and an administrator asked her to leave. Students wore shirts with phrases like free fields and bring back fields. Students say they were ready to be heard. It was like our watchdog for school and everything like we all loved him like I'm not seeing like everyone, but everyone I know like love to him and everything He was just like a great guy

He's always playful and everything I don't know, you got one girl saying that she's best friends with a guy. You got a hundred students that apparently waited past curfew between classes for five minutes. Alright, I'm sorry about that fucked up audio, everybody. It doesn't matter to me. Like, I don't care what the protest is doing. If I was in high school and they were like, hey, everybody's leaving class so they can't punish all of us. It could be like a pro-KKK rally.

And I would be like, yeah, I'm leaving class. Like, I'll be not in class for a while. I don't what it's promoting i just want to be out of class you know like that's all they were doing i think nobody gives nobody gives a fuck about their school resource officer i nobody cares no yeah everyone's my um i think i ran a cpu it's difficult on my computer because i'm recording and streaming at the same time. And recording and streaming. And apparently that shitty fucking USA Today media player was all it took. We watched half a dozen YouTube videos and everything's fine.

And then the shitty USA Today site comes along and there's trouble. But back on topic. There really were students going in favor of this cop. Apparently he's there all the time. And it's not like he's routinely a douche the teacher told the girl to leave some school administrator i'll make it up like the vice principal or something told the girl to leave and then the cop told the girl to leave and she just sat there in her desk like that was an option like like she could just do whatever the fuck she wanted and ignore everyone that comes along and says, look, you're too disruptive.

You got to go. Like at some point there are rules that get to be enforced. I don't know what happened before this, but I'm going to guess the cop didn't walk in there and grab her by the hair as step one. You know that he said, you got to go. And, you know, and she just sat there defiantly. you gotta go and you know and she just sat there defiantly it like isn't there a step in the escalation chain for a cop to eventually grab you and make you comply i i've also said this i was like there are people you rough up and people you don't right like the one that comes to mind to me is like if you've got some gangster on a corner or something then you kind of need to

lay it down and you know even just to keep yourself safe on the other hand if you have some 12 year old skateboarding where he doesn't belong you don't just run in there and flying tackle him as step one you know it like like use some discretion on this thing. She didn't need roughing up. She was not a threat to this cop. But is that what he did? I mean, like how would you have handled it? If you said,

look, you got to get out of your chair. Your teacher told you to, your principal told you to, they pulled me in here as the last step. I've seen that handled before. The guy picked the person up desk and all and placed them in the hallway and closed the door. He picked the kid up while he all and placed him in the hallway and closed the door

He picked the kid up with while he was sitting in the desk Yeah He picked up the desk with the kid in it took it outside in the hallway sat it down closed store behind him came back in And continued to teach class But he didn't flip Jimmy in the floor and and arrest Jimmy and handcuff him or anything Jimmy wasn't injured Jimmy was just trying to get a rise out of the guy anyway, so thing. Jimmy wasn't injured. Jimmy was just trying to get a rise out of the guy anyway. So Mr. Hall came over there, picked Jimmy's little ass up, desk and all, and carried him to the hallway and that's where Jimmy stayed. Because that was your punishment. You did something stupid, he would just be like, alright, leave. Get out of the hallway. You don't get

to learn today. He was like, I don't care if you learn or not, but I got a job to do. If you're not here to learn, then you're not here to learn. And that was that. But the fact that she's a female and I didn't like that he really manhandled her there. If he had really roughed her up, like, oh my god,

your knee's on my neck, you're hurting me, you're hurting me, that would be really hard to be on his side. I think it's still pretty hard to be on his side you know i think it's still pretty hard to be on his side really like i didn't like that he drug her across the floor i would have it'd be easier to side with the cop if it was a healthy guy you know someone i just feel like they're a little more durable um oh you mean the guy yeah yeah yeah if the kid had been like you know whatever the wide receiver on the football team or something.

Like, yeah, I can see why you need to sort of establish a dominance. And you also know this guy's built for bruising, right? That's what a wide receiver is. This girl, on the other hand, not so much. But I just feel like it was the accumulation of like 40 minutes of defiance by the time it went from like teacher to principal to cop even then though it that she didn't need to or he didn't need to drag her like why it looked like he could have stopped it right there as soon as she was out of the desk could have put a stop to it he didn't have to do the whole like grandstanding like hey everybody in the class look at how much i

have much control i have over the situation here like just seemed shitty yeah she's not a criminal and i feel like she was treated like one well yeah absolutely she was treated roughly there's someone in the chat just wrote obviously he obviously didn't slam her he just pulled her roughly which i think is a pretty good description of what we saw you know he just of... Her chair went flying and she got drugged like 10 feet across the floor. And then he gets on top of her with all of his body weight and pins her down. I thought that... It was just a jerking. It was a very rough jerking motion.

Enough to like throw the desk. And I know that those desks are light. And so she probably was like holding on to it. And so it flipped up. But still, you have to pull somebody pretty fucking hard to do that. I'm going to look again. I thought he literally pulled by the desk. me that's not what i would have done that's all i know i'd yeah there were other ways to handle that yeah i mean every you could yeah i

feel like that i feel like what what if you were like all right everyone but miss cunt here let's go he like leave her in there He grabbed the He grabbed the underside of the desk Like the writing surface and flipped it over Backwards I'm going to show it to everybody One more time so they can see it I guess Yeah but then you're like giving her control

Over the class if you're like everybody else Leave then she kind of feels like She made a difference as far as like destroying The whole attendance of the Class at least for a little bit you know he's kind of like conceding i just want to correct myself he may have grabbed the underside of her thigh and flipped it over i don't know what difference it makes but yeah he definitely sort of tossed her over flipped her backwards and um oh no no i don't know if this is true, but the chat says, the girl had punched the officer previously, and it's suspected that she had previously assaulted her 62-year-old teacher.

And it's right here on the internet, so. No denying it. Well, why didn't he pepper spray her? Why didn't he just put, he should have just shot her in the kneecap, clearly. Pepper spray indoors is a bad idea. Yeah, doesn't that get everywhere? Like, if you spray it it it fills up the whole room i think to a minor extent it just takes a little particle of it in your eye before you got

a minor some irritation going on that stuff's potent um it's potent have you been maced since your mace video like four years ago no no i have not no i'm maced uh did i ever tell you guys i'm me and my friends got bear mace on the internet when i we were like uh we were either we were 17 or 18 i made a youtube video of it like so like when my channel first started it was one of the first like actual camera videos and we my friend pat he ordered bear mace on the internet and he was like determined to make a viral video and i was like well i mean i'll upload it if you want i mean i'm a tiny youtuber and it won't make a difference but at least it'll like help a tiny bit and he's

like all right cool so he ordered he paid for it himself and then our other friend is a big group of like seven or eight guys we were all at my buddy's house and got the bear mace got two gallons of milk and then my friend was like oh i also brought this shampoo we're like why the fuck did you bring shampoo what's that gonna do he was like i read online that if you use tear-free shampoo in your eyes after you get maced it immediately makes it way way better we're like okay whatever we're 17 i'm not gonna look that that up. So we did it at the tennis courts in my buddy's subdivision, and this is far away from the house, far away from his pool, far away from any hoses, any access to water, and he didn't want to just get bear maced and see what happened.

We set up a series of obstacle courses for him to do once he'd been maced. And so the goal was, I'm trying to remember, it was he had to, we were to bear mace him, then he trying to remember, it was he had to, we were to bear mace him. Then he had to run, jump over the tennis net, jump over the tennis net again, get on a tiny little tricycle, and then ride the entire perimeter of the tennis courts, like two tennis courts, and then come back and then we would give him all of the milk and all that shit. And so immediately it went awry. He could hardly do

any of it he got sprayed jumped cleared it did very well with that then scootered around or tricycled around whatever did that better than i thought but he was like starting to get very visibly uncomfortable like sweating bullets and face was just could could hardly function he gets to the side and he's like give me the milk give me the milk dumps all the milk on his face you know clearly just like snot is coming out everywhere it's disgusting and then my friend was like use this use this handed him the shampoo bottle and he opened up the shampoo because like he said that's supposed to help because it's tear-free shampoo he said he read online that that gets rid of all the the mace effects dumped a full bottle of shampoo into his eyes and waited like it was like a half second delay you know

like when you stub your toe and it doesn't hurt yet and so like he looked like he had a face of hope for like half a second like it worked like oh my god i can't and then just reality set he's He's like, it's so much worse. It's so much worse. Ah! Freaking out. It feels hot. It's like a heat. And it wasn't even tear-free shampoo. My retard friend held it up. And he's like, it says right here.

It says safe for babies. It says safe for babies. It doesn't mean it's He had we had to like carry him back to the house because he couldn't walk he was walking into trees The two gallons of milk were gone, and then he stood there with a hose for like 45 minutes video got like 17,000 views not enough not bad. No no, but not worth it His whole day we had plans and couldn't do anything it was awful fucking shampoo what an idiot i saw this guy one time i'm looking for the video now but i doubt i'll find it um but but he mentions me in the video he's like so if he's russia do this

and blah blah blah he's like i want to show you how you really do it and and he's just crawling on the ground and he's like begging for them to give him water and they won't it's it's pretty awful uh pepper spray is terrible it's nothing to be uh to play with i've seen a lot of videos taser versus pepper spray and i haven't been tased what have i been we called it a taser but it was something not even close So that's a stun gun. A stun gun, yeah. That's like the difference between, let's see, I don't know. It's night and day. It's the difference between a slap on the wrist and a dozen punches in the face. Yeah. Is it that extreme, really?

Yeah. The way people react to a taser, like they freeze and fall. It locks up your body. What do they call it? Neuromuscular incapacitation. Your body runs on electricity. Your brain sends the electrical signals to your muscles. That's what's making them operate. And this thing completely hijacks that whole system with way more voltage than it's used to.

Except me. I'm immune to this. It's pulsing at an incredibly high rate. I don't remember how many thousands of times per second or whatever the hell. But it's a five second ride. You don't just go... With a stun gun, and I got one right here. Of course you do.

Who doesn't have a stun gun within reach? You do, right? How many do you have within reach, Woody? None. I don't have a stun gun. I have a real gun. I have a real gun. Oh, that's cute. Oh.

I don't know why the rapists and the pedos. Oh, batteries are dying. But find a piece of metal to shock. Oh, I bet this might have. Stop doing that. Stop. I can't hear you. God god why would you do that is that plugged into something oh we're back all right i electrocuted my computer system there for a minute i no big deal no don't. No don't

Yeah, I'm sending that into my computer somehow so Somehow you can see the electricity. I guess it's through this electrical delivering device like That one technology just having a minor panic attack over there. That was funny. So, like, that one stings a little, that one hurts, but, like, getting

tased, like, I've never been tased, but I've talked to a lot of people who have been tased, police officers and such, and I have done some tasing myself. I shot Jeremy with a, I think it's an M26 taser, maybe an X26, I don't recall exactly, but the one cops carry, the pistol that shoots, and it's a big difference. A taser is the one that's shooting barbs at you that go into your skin with fish hook barbs on the back

so they don't pop out, and it's sending the electricity through little wires to you and that's a taser and this is a stun gun and there is a massive difference between the two. How far can you shoot a taser? Pretty far, like 15, 20 feet. 15 or 20 feet for sure because that's about what I was with Jeremy because the thing is the farther you go out, the more they deviate away from one another to the point where like maybe you couldn't get both on one human target. And it has to have both for it to work right i believe so yeah because and and in

jeremy's case he had what's called a disconnect where one went into his skin and the other just went through his pants so that meant that it was arcing from the barb to the skin which is different than being in the skin and hurts a lot more they say and of course I gave him the five seconds and my adrenaline is going so much that time had sped up or whatever so like five seconds was like instantaneous and I was just like that's not gonna be good on camera I got and I just went and hit him again but the second five seconds and he wasn't expecting it and you can see his like thigh and butt and like all this muscles just tense as as much as they can and you can hear him and and he just lays there the whole

time and i had to do some audio editing because my you could hear my father go uh jeremy are you all right so i had to like take that out of the clip and i'm trying i'm laughing i'm trying to hold back the laughter but i'm i think it's hysterical but when he gets up like he's got tears in his eyes and stuff and he was he was a little pissed yeah i would be really really pissed if you agreed to get tased and someone doubled down on you i told it was an accident i've seen the videos that compare pepper spray to a taser though and while while the taser does incapacitate you while you do it, the thing is like everyone who's been tased seems to say afterwards, you're immediately a hundred percent.

Like after the tase, you remember it and you know that they're capable of doing it again. But physically, you know, like if I were to tase you Taylor and then ask you to ride your tricycle around the tennis courts, you'd be normal during the ride. You're instantly fine. Whereas pepper spray for whatever, 15 minutes, 45 minutes, you're fucked. You hate that.

There's always the chance that you piss or shit yourself while you're being tased, though. That's quite common, it seems. You lose complete control of both of those operations because of the neuromuscular incapacitation so that's a little thing that comes along with it what's the main difference between the taser and the pepper spray so I've been polled by a cop

that he imagines hell as lying in a freezing cold like block of ice hooked up to a taser he said it's much much worse than the than the pepper spray as bad as the pepper spray was i could take it i could i could tolerate it and wait have you not been i thought you'd been tased before no i refuse to i refuse to be tased i want no part of it because i've done it i've seen the pain and it's just it's agonizingly

excruciatingly awful by all accounts that I've had by guys that I know for a fact have done it and aren't bullshitting on the internet or something like that to try to, yeah, man, nothing to it. Because that might be what you tell your buddies, but in private, they'll tell you it's awful.

It's really horribly painful for those five seconds. And it doesn't feel like five seconds when you're on the receiving end. So, what's that? There's a movie, the guy's like, you got your hand on a hot woman, and a minute will feel like a second. But you got your hands on a hot stove, and a second will feel like an hour. It's that kind of rationale.

So, I want no part of being tased. I would take, if someone were standing there right now, taser and pepper spray, I'd definitely take the pepper spray. Yeah, but it seems like it almost evened out because the pepper spray lasts for hours. That's Taylor. In my case, I got my eyelids completely open. I did dump a gallon of milk in there. I've heard since that maybe that's not as helpful as people say, or maybe not at all, but I did it anyway.

And the way I was laying on my back with my head hanging off a tailgate, but facing downward so the water could go straight up into my eyes and flush them, and I'm just looking all around. And honestly, after 20 minutes minutes it didn't feel any worse than like when you get shampoo in your eyes really badly in the shower but my whole face was swollen up and and and really it felt like bad sunburn and there's just a heat to it like like like like actual fire which is a weird sensation it's quite bad you know it's funny how discomfort can have like a taste or

like i've gotten toothpaste people say you are i don't hear it personally kyle you think he is i hear him maybe he sounds good to me oh yeah is that the question though i saw it in the chat too i but i don't hear it myself um let me just tell them yeah it's not me. I got toothpaste in my eye, you know, like splatter or something. And it's like, huh, somehow it burns a little minty. Like it's a fresh discomfort. It's a toothpaste. That's refreshing eyeball pain. Yeah.

Yeah, it really is. You're like, yeah, toothpaste-y. Like it's only 80 bad and 20 nice no maybe people can relate i can't i can't honestly but um but uh okay like you know when you use a toothpick and you know that you're being a little too aggressive and it kind of hurts a tiny bit but it feels a little bit good you know when you use a toothpick and you know that you're being a little too aggressive and it kind of hurts a tiny bit, but it feels a little bit good, you know? I know, like, if I've got really sore muscles, like if I've done squats or something, like, having someone, like, do a really hard massage that's, like, trying to get the lactic acid out

is, like, excruciating in the moment, but right after it feels better. It's awesome. I really like that. My girlfriend and I do it to each other. Whenever we've worked out and we're really sore, I'll be rubbing her muscles, like her arms and back and legs and stuff, and she'll be screaming, like, no, stop, that's too hard, too hard. But then the next day, she's fine again like she's it's it's uh you recover much faster when you like massage the lactic acid out of uh out of your muscles what was i gonna say oh i if i ask my wife for a massage this is not her best attribute but i swear she hurts me in an effort to get me to want the

massage to end earlier like like like there's the there's the Indian burn variation of it, right? Like, no, honey, take this skin. This is good. This is bad. And, you know, it's like, you know this. Or like, oh, that really hurts. Okay, elbow then. It's like, ah.

Yeah, see? See what I put up with? I don't like being massaged very much. I'm very good at massage. I'm very good at giving them. Take it from me. I'll give you a massage next time. Not a weird creepy gay massage where we take our pants off or anything,

but I'll rub your shoulders, your back, you know, whatever. Do I get to choose the kind of massage? Will you give me a creepy pantsless massage? I'm very good at it. I've got very strong hands and I have a knack for knowing, like I know where all the muscles, I know which muscles get sore and when, you know what I mean? Like, I know where to go. I know where on your back

like after a day of, say, playing paintball. I know like where on your shoulders or on your upper back like those muscle groups that are like helping you keep your shoulders back while you're holding a harness or whatever I know where to go and I'm good at it yeah but being good at massages is almost like a curse because then everybody wants one all the

time yeah I mean I bet I bet wings of redemption can relate to that you know he's got those long fingernails I know women hit him up constantly wings will you tickle my lower back? Will you give me a little scratch here and there? Not too hard. Don't draw blood, but just turn me on a little. Let me feel it.

I picture the horror movie scene where they take the fingernail and put it down the cheek as one of his moves. Yeah, yeah. I could see that. Yeah. I wish that he would really get into that and you know how like pimps will have like the pinky nail or like that long yeah yeah yeah I wish he had something like that but instead he was like I don't know he get frosting with it or something like what I'd love to see him

go and you and somebody like damn wings what the fuck are you on drugs and now it's powdered sugar powdered sugar he has a girlfriend again i hope they're happy yeah i heard oh really i did not know she was uh she's interviewed him in a facebook video that's where i saw it she interviewed him he was on the camera asking questions yeah oh yeah i guess he i don't know what to call it and uh she didn't she wasn't like so mr wings tell me. She wasn't like, so, Mr. Wings, tell me more. No, it was like, hey, how you doing? And he's like, actually, I'm doing terrible.

And she's like, well, is there anything that's good? And he's like, yeah, I like this and I like this and I like that. You know what? Maybe I'm not doing so terrible. And that's the core of the video. Has she been on camera yet? If she has, I haven't seen it. Oh, good for him.

Yeah. Wings has had a pretty regular dating life. Even last time we were hanging out, he was talking about going on a date that night. There's a lot of people out there that don't think that

they could be with someone. All you gotta do is work at it. There's someone for everyone. Wings is a good looking guy i i bet if wings were uh were 200 pounds he'd be a handsome man when i asked wings to be on pka 250 i screwed up because like i guess it was tuesday and i thought it was wednesday or something i'm like hey can you be on the show tomorrow whatever and he was busy what just taylor taylor was like trying to do like a cute and then he tried to do one too and he like he like smiled anyway he couldn't make pk 250 because he had a date but thankfully i didn't know what day it was

and when he found out it was the next day he could do it so uh yeah wings is uh he's got it going on so that's good for him does he use tinder uh he uses i think he uses plenty of fish i think we've talked about that um he might use tinder i wouldn't be surprised if he uses a few uh cover all your bases you've used tinder before haven't you kyle no i never have i um my cousin always used plenty of fish um if i was gonna find a lady online, I would use Facebook or Twitter or something like that. Do old people use Tinder? They do? Oh, yeah, they do.

I didn't know if it was exclusively the domain of the college and slightly post-college. I would imagine that you could set your age search parameter so you only see people who are within the ages of 40 to 45 if that's what you wanted or you name it. Probably race and interest and proximity. I've honestly never used it. All I know about these things is what I learned from Reddit and a little out of date now. P.K. Dan being like that guy became a master he knew what kind of people were on like plenty of fish versus match.com versus something else and he had different like profiles that tailored to the demos that existed on these different sites and uh you know and it was interesting that like

he's like he's like wearing a business suit in one but in the other one he's like leather jacket by a sports car and another one he's like he's like a hippie dude he's like got a pot leaf on his shirt and dude he was he was constantly doing what he called working on the brand and working on the

brand would include hiking up Grandfather Mountain which is his place here in North Carolina, and taking selfies on top of the mountain. This is the sort of thing I like to do. And he'd be surfing and he'd be sure to get some video and some pictures and stuff because that can be incorporated into the brand. He would go on these almost like journeys of self-discovery but guided. almost like like journeys of self-discovery but guided like he'd take courses on how to be a better husband or something and then he'd include them in his online dating profile resume because women would like that yeah yeah my question was gonna be like oh did he take that course on how to be a better husband before he had the wife that that had the whole indiscretion

and all because that would have made me feel even worse about that whole situation no here's a guy who's like giving it his all he um he was a good husband uh and his his flaws were really like minor and almost goodish like i remember one thing like, you know, I wasn't perfect either. For example, she'd ask me to clean her car, and I'd clean it so perfectly, I'd spend six hours on it, you know, just to be like, oh, you want me to clean your car? Fine. Spend all day. And I'm like, that, and I want you to clean my car too. You know, like.

Why would you do that? I'll show them. I'll do exactly what they said, but better than they thought I would do. Well, it was the time. It was like, you know, by cleaning the car, he wasn't doing something else he'd like to have, like watch kids or something like that. He's just checking out for nearly a whole Saturday. And one thing people don't get until they hit adulthood or normal jobhood or whatever you call it is how much little time you have, right? Like, so I don't know, I'll make it up. Like, let's say you wake at 7am so you can

get to work at eight or nine or whatever it is. Like you wake up and then you go to work and you don't, even if you get out at five, you're not like home and finished eating until seven 30 or eight. And then you have two or three hours before bedtime. And it's not until you're an adult, you're like, holy fuck, like this is my whole time. Like this is all the time I get. You know, my kids would have an 8 p.m. bedtime when they were little. So it was like, I really only have them

between like, whenever I finished eating dinner, call that 6.45 and like 8 p.m. It seems like a really small slice of a day to be involved in a kid's life. And, you know, when he would spend like six hours on a Saturday, the only time he actually has a day washing a car, it was an act of passive aggression. Having said that, there are men who beat their wives. The ones who wash their car too long are not the bad husbands. You know, I think that's not a serious offense. But, you know, he took these courses and added them to the profile

and became, you know, he's good looking too. So he's good looking. He's got a good job. He's divorced and he's a nice guy. He was like amongst the retread market, which is what he called it. You know, all the divorced men and women. He was top of the heap and he it, you know, all the divorced men and women, he was top of the heap. And he was,

you know, dating the, like he had one girl, it was a, she was a stewardess and she was just like the stereotypical beautiful stewardess,

whatever. Like all his girls. Stewardess is politically incorrect now. I think it's flight attendant. I'm sorry. Well, then she was a flight attendant

and. Thanks, Kyle. Don't offend anyone. I feel like I'm not selling it. You said then she was a flight attendant. Thanks, Kyle. Just for some check. Don't offend anyone. I feel like I'm not selling it. You said so much sand niggers earlier. Hang on a damn minute.

Flight attendant. Okay? Those women work hard, god damn it. Not only was she a flight attendant, but she was a bigger. But yeah, he would just have like literally five hot girlfriends at the same time. And, uh, you know, the, the woman he married, he got remarried. She seems really nice.

She's lovely. She's like snow white to me. But, um, uh, yeah, Dan's success in that market was kind of funny to me, but that's all I know of like Tinder in these places. I know there's all ages on Tinder because I know someone who's round about my age who hooked up with like a lady in her 50s. What's um, what was the website that was hacked? Ashley Madison. Yes.

Someone signed me up for that. Like you could look up people's emails and my fan mail account woody's gamer tag at gmail uh it was signed up for ashley madison now apparently if you want to actually cheat there's money involved like you can tell how much someone spent like you can't find people in my account no one had ever spent money on my account but uh but i was like yeah and and i had gotten emails on that account from a lot of them like adult friend finder is one and i don't know what else there is but that account gets every piece of spam from every account there is it seems can't have nice things that's just funny

it turned out the whole actually that the ashley madison website was like 18 million dudes and a bunch of bots. Like they weren't any. Probably anybody got laid as a result of Ashley Madison. No, they just wanted to feel risque for a bit. Yeah, I heard there were women using that site. A couple of guys committed suicide when they were exposed. I don't know.

Those guys had no chill. All you had to do was, fucking John! Sign me up for that thing. Can you believe that? What was I going to say? Bye, John. And spending $750 on this account. Silly John.

John, you bastard. I knew you'd get me back. What was I going to say? There was a thing about Ashley Madison. Oh, the big joke was like, I don't know why they're so upset. They finally got fucked by a third party. Oh, the big joke was like, I don't know why they're so upset. They finally got fucked by a third party. Oh, so clever. I feel bad for those guys.

Like, I mean, they didn't deserve that. Hey, did we talk about... Remind me, have I talked about Bone Tomahawk on a PKA? I don't think so, no. I saw it, though. What'd you think? Did you like it yes i liked it uh i i so all right so for those of you out there there's a movie it just came out it went straight to video which is often a sign of of trouble right that's what happens to steven seagal and john claude van Damme these days. But this movie is very, very good.

It was an independent film. It's not rated, which is part of the whole mix. And they did it on a $1.8 million budget. But it's got Kurt Russell, Matthew Fox, who was the main guy from Lost back in the day, and three or four other supporting actors slash actresses who are very talented and I recognized. And the ones I didn't recognize.

Every actor in it, from what I could tell it was a pro. Like people you'd seen before and and there are actors who were well-known but silly like Matthew Perry falls into that for me and then there are actors who were actually really good at bringing emotion to a role and that's who is in this. Absolutely and it's a it's a similar concept to that old John Wayne movie, The Searchers. A woman has been kidnapped by Indians. Gotta go rescue her. And for the first two acts of this film, it's a really slow burn. It's two hours and twelve minutes long. For the first two acts, it's a standard western.

There's campfires, there's hardship, there's determination, there's intensity, there's gunfights here and there, there's Mexican banditos and it's very good up to that point but it's just a standard western in the third act there's a big turn, a big change and you realize this is not your standard western these bad guys are bad, we're dealing with a serious situation here and it's hard to keep your eyes on the screen at times because it gets so violent I I really enjoyed this movie I would give it I give it a seven-and-a-half at a 10 maybe an 8 out of 10 I'm pretty accurate in a 10 on my like scale of movies

I and what's it cost you as far as your rating so we can get a feel? Tombstone was better. Tombstone was better. But if you like... I don't know. It's a slow burn and that makes it good in some ways. Is it kind of like From Dusk Till Dawn?

Not to me. Much better than From Dusk Till Dawn. I think it's better than John Wick. I know these movies have nothing to do with one another. I'm not trying to throw out movies. I'm just thinking of my overall feeling about this movie or that movie. I feel like John Wick is a 7 out of 10.

I really like the gun-fu. I like how intense he was. I like his motivation. This movie has two characters in particular with Kurt Russell and whoever plays Mr. O'Dwyer, the husband, and both of them show so much determination and grit and intensity and this ability to never quit, never give up, no matter what happens, I'm here to do a thing and I'm not to be fucked with like yes i i loved this

movie i would sooner die than fail yeah yeah whatever it takes i've got a thing sure trevor martin is apparently on his way to pick up black ops 3 right now in his car oh team art and i have him in my phone who wants to put him on speaker? That's enough. That's two out of three. The chat collectively. Chat, raise your... Chat, if you'd like to call T-Mart and say yeah. So hold on.

Say yeah. Just manipulate the chat. If you want to call T-Mart, go. It's really terrible. Trevor, it's Woody. What's up? How you doing, man? I'm good, man.

Hey, you're on speaker being live streamed right now. The rumor has it. Oh, sweet. What's up, Trevor? I heard that you're going to get Black Ops 3 right now. Yeah, man. I'm waiting in the Walmart parking lot. No way.

I've done that before. So how sketchy is your hookup? No way! I've done that before! So how sketchy is your hookup? I just, so I've been, I was in New York City for the past like four days, and I was 100% sure that someone anywhere in New York City would have it. And it was completely bone dry. I checked pregnant literally every 30 minutes each day. And I've been doing the same thing here in Orlando and one just popped up and so I called

them immediately and it's for the whole bundle. The PlayStation 4 Black Ops 3 bundle is like $430 and he had it listed for $400. So I'm paying less than retail price for it. No way! What kind of fucking retard are you, Brian?

It's the best early deal of all time. That is the best early. You know, times have really changed. In Black Ops 1, you'd pay $1,000 for that. Right. Yeah, I was surprised. Honestly, I would have been willing to do that. But I guess it's his loss.

I don't know. Hopefully it works out. We'll see. And hopefully he's not listening to us right now. What was it? Oh, oh. Now, I would have thought that you're pretty close to Activision. You had early access for

a strategy guide. No corporate hookups? There is, but it's not. So the guys that we work with on the marketing and PR side are all for it, but the security

guys and all that stuff, they have to fight against them so typically they will be able to shoot as copies like one to two days early but that's like at the max so i mean obviously having it six days early there's a big difference between one or two are you guys doing the race this year yeah we are, are you starting before the, like, are you starting at midnight or how's that work? Uh, I think we can start at, I'm not sure the exact time, but I think it's like whenever New Zealand hits midnight or whatever it is, I think we're going to be able to start right then. So it'll be probably like late afternoon on the 5th or something like that. So now this guy you're meeting in the Walmart parking lot, what do we know about him?

Not much. I called him. It sounded like he had been sleeping. It didn't sound like he was really wanting a phone call at that moment, but I asked if he still had the console, and he said yeah, and I made sure the game was included with it, like he wasn't keeping the game for himself and just selling the console. He said yeah, it comes

with it. And he told me he's only like 15 minutes away from me, so he said if keeping the game for himself and just selling the console. And he said, yeah, it comes with it. And he told me he's only like 15 minutes away from me, so he said if I can meet him at the Walmart and leave right now, he'll meet me there. So I'm here, and it should probably be from the next five to ten minutes. Did you bring any kind of protection or anything? Because this sounds real sketchy that he's selling this

for retail. Do you have a gun? Taylor wants to know if you brought any protection or if you have a gun on you. I do not, no. Sweet. So, guys, for retail you have a gun Taylor wants to know if you brought any protection or if you have a gun on you guys I found an unarmed source for black ops 3 so which Walmart? Don't say, don't say. You're being streamed. Don't say, don't say. All right. I think I should call back in like 10 minutes or so and see how it went. Cool. Yeah. Go ahead and do that. If it works out, I'll be pretty happy. If not, I'm going to be pretty bummed. All right. Good luck, man. We'll be checking the news. All right. Thank you. Bye. He's getting kidnapped.

That's too good to be true. Someone's selling it at below list price. Meet me. That guy's going to demand a little more when he sees a GTR. It's going to be the fucking GameStop police out there that we always joke about. They're going to take it, man. It turns out there was a law. District 8 Enforcement Bureau, get on the ground the ground oh that'd be great that'd be the beginning of cliff hutchinson's commercial you know get on

the ground hi i'm cliff hutchinson you and anyone anyone you love broiled and problems with release dates i specialize in release date law my phone is at 9%. I hope I can call him back in a few minutes. Well, that's cool. Yeah, he still has that Explorer, I think. He has a Ford Explorer, but the truck one, not the SUV one.

And I think he kept that, so he probably won't be in his actual GT-R. Someone's saying his Nissan GT-R was stolen um is that really dr chiz he's got a green sword next to his name well he wrote lol i think that he's joking oh okay okay oh he's saying that it's going to get stolen you're damn right he needs a flamethrower yes my upstairs looks so scary right now uh my buddy came over last night and i've got i had like my flamethrower like 80 pounds of napalm are sitting there and uh there's like five uh like uh grocery bags

there's paper ones full of fireworks uh there's a dozen drones sitting there all different makes and models it looks like we're getting into some mischief in my and there's like guns of course everywhere like always so my living room is pretty ridiculous right now. What's behind you right now? A Daniel Defense M4. That's the same one you showed last week, I think. Yeah. It just hasn't been moved or anything.

Is it on a workout machine? No, that's not a workout machine. That's the top. It's actually a Red Bull. It's one of those Red Bull machines you see at the store that's shaped like a Red Bull can. I keep sodas in there. It's a refrigerator. I do that, but I this room really drink soda. Do you? I didn't think you did me. Yeah, Woody. No, I know Kyle drinks. I know. I mean, I have a couple sodas a year. Like I'm not like morally opposed to it. He could count his sodas. I could drink

it. Like if I'm like gaming or like, yeah, if I'm gaming, if I'm sitting morally opposed to it. He could count his sodas. I could drink a 12. If I'm gaming or like... Yeah, if I'm gaming, if I'm sitting here playing Civilization, a dozen a day isn't out of the question. Drink a 12-pack. A 12-pack of Diet Dr. Pepper lasts like nine hours in this house. I like Dr. Pepper 10.

It's a little sweeter and it doesn't have as much carbonation. It's smoother. I like it a lot. I like all the 10s, that brand of drink. It's a different way of sweet a lot. I like all the tins, that brand of drink. It's a different way of sweetening it, I guess, where it's got 10 calories. So there's

a Sunkissed tin, I think, and a Ginger Ale tin. They've got Root Beer tin. They've got Sierra Mist or Sprite tin or something. Sierra Mist, I think. I would drink Diet Sprite, but Diet Sprite tastes like an asshole. It's really gross. It's almost as bad as Diet Mountain Dew.

Diet Mountain Dew is sad. Regular Mountain Dew, I hate that too. It's awful. I mean, I know this is a gaming podcast, but everybody loves Mountain Dew. But does anybody... I like Code Red. Do people just drink it for the caffeine? The cherry one?

Do you have the cherry one, Code Red? I've had that. It's definitely better than the original. Agreed. I like it. But it's so thick and syrupy that it's too much. I like it. Sometimes I'll have a Coke if I have a headache.

Like, it seems to help with that sometimes. But mostly I just, you know, God, this sounds so awful. But I'm post-40, and i feel like everything i eat needs to be more monitored than it did when i was in my 20s yeah you don't like any fun beverages lemonade i i do like lemonade but i even lemonade i look at it and i'm like all right you know that's that's such an old time what do you think that is 100 150 calories yeah and it's just like you know just be advised when you have lemonade instead of water. It's more than 150.

There's a lot of sugar in there. There's a ton of sugar in there. Sometimes I cut it. You can buy it. Well, I guess buy it, but we don't have any right now. You usually have it like at a restaurant.

He'll order a lemonade. Yeah. If you cut it with unsweetened iced tea, make yourself an Arnold Palmer. Those are great. Yeah. I have had that. Yeah, I like that. But yeah, it's basically's basically it sucks but i feel like every calorie is counted

and some of the easiest ones for me to say no to are the drinks i mean they're glorious and i love them but it's better than being hungry you know let's have water instead of hunger and uh yeah uh i've been drinking a lot of apple juice lately i've got uh i don't remember what brand it is but it's the kind that's got like a lot of like sediment in the bottom and you gotta shake it up for you you pour glass so it's even like shitting like every half hour no it's more like apple cider everybody always talks about that like like i always hear about people telling me oh i can't don't eat that taco bell you'll be like shitting everywhere and like they make the joke on South Park about maybe Chipotle and, like, getting blood in your underwear. I'm just like, I don't have all these horrible gastrointestinal issues that I guess everybody else does.

Like, I'm not consumed with diarrhea, like, every time I eat a meal. I have a normal... I know what you're saying with, like, Taco Bell. Like, that doesn't make you immediately have diarrhea, like the joke. But stuff like, like, apple juice, like, that actually does, like... You know what it is for me? It stuff like apple juice, that actually does. You know what it is for me? It's like a catalyst for taking a shit. Peppers will do that to me,

and I love them. So whenever Jackie's like, hey, do you want this beal? And I know it's pepper rich, I have to make a value judgment. Like, huh, I really do want that, but do I want the shits? Yes, I do.

Add a little emodium to the mix. I hadn't even thought of that. But yeah, it's like, all right, yes, I know that I'll be pooping 45 minutes after, and it won't be what I want it to be, but you get what you get. What is that number to? I don't know. Do you see the Cliff Hutchutchinson yeah yeah yeah yeah i'm looking at it negotiate why don't you actually use a picture of me from another podcast not when

i look like a fucking no this is good no i'm happy with what we got going on over eight hours specializing in video degree video game i'm sorry i know we don't talk to the chat but you say thoughts on Miss Hannah Minx leaked pictures. Now, are you talking about those screenshots from that live stream she did whenever where hands are on the boobs? Because I've seen those. But if you've got other different Hannah Minx nudes,

I'd like in on this. So over there in the chat, just continue to let me know, and we'll just leave it there. Hmm. I saw those pictures that you sent and maybe they were on the Reddit. The PKA Reddit.

Nothing to write home about. I think she's... Not her, just the pics. Okay, so the pictures could be better. Described or lame. Whatever. She's not my cup of tea, but I can see how other people might consider her

a female perfection, right? I love that there's more than one female perfection, right? Like, to me, the body that Emma Watson has, I've learned her name. She did not used to do soft core stuff. You're wrong about that. Provide me with a link or kiss my ass no uh so the body that emma watson has is to me the perfect human female form right there's a lot of supermodels and stuff with that same body effectively

whatever like that's what's great but other people think kim kardashian is the perfect woman and other people think hannah minx is the perfect woman and you other people think Hannah Minx is the perfect woman. And there's a bunch of different variants on this. And yeah, Kyle linked me a girl. Oh, it was a Halloween costume. Babraham Lincoln. Babraham Lincoln. I bet we could find that link. What he's like, she could lose about 15 pounds.

I said 14 because that's how much i've lost i'm not gonna look it up in meal league um is it this it'd be an imager i bet i found it i found it here's babraham lincoln and god it's so mean to i like this conversation more when it was private. But we do this all the time. This is Babraham Lincoln. She's in her outfit here. I guess I'll shrink her so you can see the whole thing.

Is that a huge wine glass or a tiny person? Or is it just in the foreground? I don't know. But Kyle saw her. Some people would see her and say she's awesome right this is the totally hot babe etc and other people would say i you know she's this far away from my version of perfect girl so but i i don't know yeah okay you're right i guess i am finding her on uh pornhub i don't see any nudity yet. I'll keep digging. Don't link that.

I won't. You should link it, though. Of course. Of course I will. How could that violate TOS, Chiz? You don't say it. She was completely dressed for, like, for like outside yeah she was going to issue let's move along all right we'll move along we'll move along but anyway uh some would consider

her oh my god i've got like six itches happening all over my head and i can't get to any of them like i'm trying to you can't just press really hard with a knuckle like it's not enough it's not enough to get rid of the itch it's just exacerbating it have you tried hitting yourself like i will i'll get into some serious self-abuse right after we're done here no no now it's good now it's good on camera yeah and what time is it? It's going to be on for like seven more hours. Oh, man. How long did you have to have your bald cap on, Kyle? All day.

I got it. I put it on, you know, I don't know, 8 in the morning and got to take it off that night whenever it was dark, maybe another 12 hours, I'd say. You used like a production-grade bald cap, I'm sure. Yeah, yeah, it was a professional guy. He did movie work. He actually came to my house.

He was based in Atlanta. Melissa made these. She painted, she blew up balloons and then put liquid latex on it, like a layer, every day for like two weeks. No way. Yeah, so this is a homemade bald cap. That's really cool. Yeah, she's really a homemade bald cap. That's really cool. Yeah, she's really good with that stuff. That's amazing.

Now, how is hers coming along? We're three hours and 42 minutes in. She 342, wow. This might not even be her. Quite a bit. Done. Liz, when are you going to be ready to show it?

Someone said rules aren't laws with regards to the twitch thing that's clever she's gonna be working on it for i'll show it right before the end show up for the end of the show but she like is getting really into her so she'll be working for like the next three hours but before the end she'll come over and show her face it's looking she's looking better than me are you itchy no she's not itchy of course i'm itchy i got the the worst bald cap i bet do uh i know you're going to a party tonight or whatever do you have any halloween plans what are you doing trick-or-treating anything like that any ghost stories out by the fire colin doesn't like trick-or-treating which

is a shame because i would totally love to be that like dad in a golf cart just following him from house to house that sounds like the best trick-or-treat experience ever um maybe a lemonade and just ride around the neighborhood in a golf cart while he walks from door to door but um he's not into trick-or-treating and i you know we pitched a lot of costumes and stuff at him but uh he's not down hope has she had a party to go to last night she has another party to go to tonight and we're just handing out candy the crazy high school party for her or just well-behaved i think you kind of distance yourself from it a bit. You know, her parties that she attends just don't seem... Either I'm an ignorant parent, which is possible but not likely,

or her parties just are not as wild as the ones that existed when I was in high school. The kids just seem far better behaved. You know, there was a party once where, like, a parent wasn't supposed to be there. It was getting there or something and i like dropped in unannounced you know to hope it's like no you can't come to the door oh my god yeah here i am here i am and they were i was the parent i could do whatever i wanted they were all like totally well-behaved kids like not breaking any rules there was no drinking there was like it was just like as if parents were there and uh

yeah that's that's from your perspective that seems like really reassuring but from just thinking back you know a few years when i was in high school that sounds like a really sad party you know everybody but they seemed happy yeah i mean they were all like excited they were like i don't know, high on sugar. It seemed like a really good time. Like a cupcake that somebody's in the bathroom for because they exceeded it too much. See, I found the video that they're talking about that's supposed to be her, and she's got zombie makeup on.

She's getting fucked, but that's not her. That's a lookalike who's pretending to be her. That's totally not her on Pornhub. I knew it. I knew you guys were wrong. You're always wrong. They're right about some things. Never, Kyle.

Almost never. They'll be like, I'm the guy that you should really ask about this topic, and they won't know anything that we didn't know. I see that a lot. It was guns. If you really want to know something about guns, you can just ask me. And they were like, well, where did they go astray? He's like, oh, well, everything they said was right. And I really don't know from state to state what the differences are. And it was like, oh, so you're saying that you know exactly as much information as the guys do.

I remember I asked what we said that was wrong, right? Because I'm wrong sometimes. It's clear. But I've said on this show that I'm usually not wrong because my two most common states are I'm right or I don't know. I usually don't just say shit that's wrong or make it up or fill in the blanks. And this guy was like, oh, yeah, you guys didn't say anything that was wrong. Well, you really implied we did. Why did you make this post?

Yeah. Shit posting bitch. Yeah, like, the guys were talking about guns. If you need real information, then come to me. Oh. Do you know something they didn't? Well, no, not really, not a thing. I just wanted attention.

So you're saying that you have a similar level of knowledge that they do and that if we wanted to gain a similar level, we'd come to you. But why? Fuck off. It's shit post after shit post over there. You're rough. All right. Now they're going to say that we all said that.

I don't care. I do. Now they're going to say that Woody said it. He and Kyle have forever been friends. Kyle gets blamed sometimes now. It's been a while. But when I was the only camera, I felt like everything was Woody, Woody, Woody, Woody. Now that there's cameras for all of us, I feel like, you know, we all spend our time getting fussed at.

More so than before where it was just me. Yeah. A lot of our fans are real scumbags and and ignorant yeah i can't believe you said that woody yeah damn it taylor why did you co-sign on that i mean you know it's true like like all right what do you think that our fan group is this specialized slice of the population where they're all like really bright, intelligent people who are good-willed and have a witty and quick sense of humor? No.

We got the whole pie and part of the slice of that pie is dumbasses and morons and they're often the most vocal on the internet. If you get a group of people that big anywhere, there's going to be a slice like that. I still appreciate you even if you're a dumbass. But, you know, I mean, some of you are dumbasses.

You know you are. And we've all observed the other dumbasses and we've seen them. So if you're like, hey, I'm not a dumbass, well, we're probably not talking about you. We're talking about the other guy who, like, corrects us on our spelling and then has eight grammar errors in it or something like that. There was a time when Xcal used to give his viewers a hard time all the time. And I never took it personally because I knew the behavior he was talking about wasn't me.

Outsource it. It's the other guy he's talking about. It totally wasn't me. If I ever left a comment on an Xcal video, and I mostly became just a quiet lurker, but it was positive. And if I had a negative thought, I'd keep it in there. If I thought to myself, well, your kitty was great, but I didn't see you I'd keep it in there you know if I thought to myself well your kitty was great but I didn't see you play the objective for for shit which

he normally does um I would just not say that you know and uh so whenever he complained about people I thought he's not talking about me sometimes people don't have that thought process though and they think you are talking about them that's how you know they're dumb asses thought process though and they think you are talking about them that's how you know they're dumb asses oh that is the litmus test you've made fun of them and you've shrouded yourself in a cloak of if you call me out on this then you're the dumb ass yeah so you're a politician and great job of hedging what you say that's great thank you very calculated yeah is that guy uh xcal or like the old school really really old school like blame truth are they still around do they still make stuff um xcal i think still makes videos

blame truth i think started a new channel and the new channel did well like it blame truth used to say for the longest time that youtube screwed him on the search algorithm or something like the view algorithm or promotion etc and um what's interesting is when he started the new channel and it did much better than his existing channel did he prove that it was true probably not probably just like that whole resurgence of like rebirth starting again probably i don't even remember what i remember he made another channel and there was like some like ghost videos or something like that but to be, I don't follow anyone really in it. I mean, most of my YouTube watching is is is fail.

I like fail army. I'll hop on there and watch a few of those. I enjoy that those kinds of videos, just people falling and doing silly stuff. I watch stuff that nobody else likes. I've watched so many hours of farming videos now, like watching plows go through the ground watching people mow grass watching people talk about which baler they're gonna buy yeah yeah i learned shit about drawbars the other day that i before i watched this drawbar video i was sure i would know it all and turns out i didn't oh my god is what's the drawbar is the drawbar the arm on the back of the track so you know the three

point hitch right and then there's kind of a thing in between it that's for towing, essentially. That thing is called the drawbar. And I bet you didn't know that the distance from the drawbar hole to the end of the PTO hitch has to be 14 inches. There's a spot. And if the thing has multiple holes, then you're probably using the wrong one if it's not 14 inches. And I didn't know that they tucked up under and out of the way. And I hardly use my drawbar, so I'm going to do that next time I'm there. This is surely terribly boring stuff.

I don't think anyone cares about tractor videos but me. Drawbar talk. Come on. There's one guy out there listening to this who has a tractor and didn't know he could adjust his drawbar, but now you do. Yeah, and when you bring it back, you know exactly which of the holes is the right one

because it's got to be 14 inches from the tip of the PTO shaft to the center of the drawbar hole. And I'll try and stop this, but yeah. No one else, I'm sure, is watching like... There's a Tractor Spotter. It's a YouTube channel. They only show these really great high-quality HD

drone flying videos of really high-end, not everyday tractors. But I like everyday tractor videos just as much because they're closer to what I do and say. He doesn't like a good tractor channel tell did we ever even tell the audience why we're doing a live show and all in the pre-show i think i don't know and it's certainly in my long story short um i i found out on monday that my flight back to atlanta wasn't going to come in until like 9 30 and i live about an hour and 45 from the airport so i just wasn't going to come in until like 9 30 and I live about an hour and 45 from the airport

so I just wasn't going to going to work right that would have been Friday yeah so we decided to do it live today so we typically record on Thursdays and then the Patreons get a benefit and that they get it right away and I hate that no one got the benefit this time but uh well the Patreons were the only ones who really got notified that we're doing this live show good point good point yeah until i put up my video like an hour beforehand so anyway um because we wanted to be on time for saturday we kind of did it live is it time to call t-mart i feel like it's uh i've been checking twitter and he hasn't got it yet yeah yeah that's probably should probably stick with that and just if he that he got it, we'll know. 618, I call him. I'm also following CNN to see if anything pops up.

Famous YouTuber slaughtered in Walmart parking lot. When was his last tweet? Knowing T-Mart, as soon as he gets it, tweeting is going to be the first thing he's going to do. Do we want to call him and get an update? Nah, I'm sure he's just sitting there. Man, that's what I want to get. I'm calling him. I'm not asking for I want to get. I'm calling him.

I'm not asking for advice on this one. I'm calling him. Don't you tell me what to do. God, such a woody move. Just watch. Do you have any weird YouTube tangents, Kyle, where you just go on a splurge or something? Down that dark hole.

Yeah, yeah. It's not ringing yet. What is it? it for me it's animals fighting like I've seen every animals fighting each other video on YouTube I think hmm I don't know sometimes I like like knockout videos like a compilation of knockouts I like anything that's sort of justice porn ask where I can get to see someone who deserves to get hurt hurt. So, yeah, oftentimes if you're in the... You could start in, like, some combat sport YouTube videos

and you just go down this rabbit hole, and by the end of it you're watching, like, some guy get ran over by a combine or something and bailed into a bale of hay. And there's that whole nudie section. I love the whole nudie section of YouTube that most people aren't aware of. If you search for like breast massage techniques

or like nudist or naturalist or nudist videos or gynecological informational videos. Oh, have you seen? I think it's Norwegian, but I'm not sure. They're puberty videos? No. Dude, they're puberty videos? No. Dude, they're good. What?

All right. So in Norway, it appears to be made by the government, right? And they make this series of videos to teach boys and girls about puberty. And the models all appear to be grownups and stuff, you know, but you totally see vag, you totally see penises. You see this woman without any shame or embarrassment,

which is good. You know, be like, you know, this is the penis. The head does this. And like, you know,

cause it's uncircumcised. And you know, this is how boys masturbate this is where the girl is sensitive this is the whole laying out the whole like thing oh trevor martin texted me he said uh um was on the phone with him he'll be here in five so that's what we know uh so uh anyway um there's this whole series of Norwegian guide to your body as it goes through puberty videos. And they're really good. I feel like I'm envious of a government that is so sort of open and I don't know, like that works on it and stuff.

They did a good job. If you guys are of puberty age, Google those Norwegian videos and you'll like them. They're not in English, but there's subtitles. Sounds like even if you're not of puberty age like you, you still like them. Apparently. Yeah. Right? You're like, oh.

No, man. I found a legal way to look at underage kids i mean there are it's it's funny i don't even know how to say this without getting picked on but there are underage kids in it but they're never like sexualized or show like they're they're fully clothed and whatever they'll be like you know little girls look like this and then adult girls look like this and they'll just show the differences in like hip development or something while they're wearing shirts and jeans or whatever. Is there anything in there about happy trails or?

I'm sure there is. Yeah. Like they, they talk about body hair growing here and there and whatever. Here's the guy who says he's 16 and his penis still isn't fully grown sorry dude yes it is no I'm just kidding that might not be true hold out hope that's that's just sad

so but uh but yeah anyway if you're if you're going through puberty check out those norwegian things on youtube they're very good or if you're 42 and you just like to get your rock curious you're 42 and you're curious about uh you know norwegian girl young girls hip development i'm a parent do you do you watch it it and convince yourself that you're watching it like, wow, I didn't know the ratios changed like that. This is interesting. No, I watched it. I pretty much didn't learn anything myself, but I thought

to myself, should I pass this on? Should I not pass this on? Other than the clearest browsing history. Well, that was great. Let's go over to the end. There's a lot of videos. There's like, I don't know, six or twelve or something like that. Like, it's a series. You download them or...

No. Those are his rainy day videos. Let's get busy. They get linked on Reddit every so often, which is how I found them, like the front page. And then it just... You know, he sends you down the rabbit hole. What are you going to do? Well, I'm not going to gonna not look this up eventually did you see the message I put in there what did you like that idea no I think that the real one will be just good okay I like it yeah

now we've drawn too much attention I don't know and he still hasn't tweeted it's been eight minutes since he tweeted more waiting with a clock and a frowny face which i interpret as saying that he's not happy about the the timeliness of of his potential illegal goods dealer he tweeted a frowny face and that's it frowny face in a frowny face or a clock and a Frowny face and a clock and a frowny face and a text message chat. Alright. Let me pee since I've

had like four sodas. Woody's yearly allotment. So how close is your girlfriend to being camera ready? So how close is your girlfriend to being camera ready? See, I don't know what the final product is going to look like. So I don't know how close she is to being camera ready. But it looks really good already. Very, very good.

Looks way better than me. Do you want to get a few more things done and then come over here and show? Okay. Just let me know. Give me a look. Do you want to get a few more things done and then come over here and show? Okay, I'll just let you know. Give me a look. Yeah, it's creepy. What is your costume, Mummy? I'm calling Trevor.

All right, well, hopefully Trevor answers. I'm not too busy tweeting. T-Mart. Yo, what's up? I'm calling for Trevor. Is that his name? Is this mine now, sir? Oh, shit. Someone stole DMart's phone, I guess. Let me check the Twitter

and see if he's up there. He just tweeted two minutes ago, hopefully this isn't my last tweet. I guess it is from that phone. You think he's hurt? He could? No, I probably just took the phone and ran away. Tmart's rich. He's fine.

What the fuck? You want to call him back or maybe not? I don't know what to do. Oh. Do you think he got the game? No. No, probably not. No pickup. no pickup dude kyle we called trevor and some guy had his phone

what do you mean some guy had his phone he was like dude who seemed to be of uh lower socioeconomic descent seemed to have pilfered his iPhone. What did he say? I was like, I'm calling for Trevor. He answered and it wasn't Trevor. I'm like, I'm calling for Trevor. He's like, yo, is that his name? They hung up immediately

and I checked Tmart's Twitter and just like a minute before that he said, he's here. Hopefully this isn't my last tweet. No, no way. You don't think he's hurt? He's fucking with you. No.

No, that was not T-Mart's voice. T-Mart isn't. Isn't a voice man. Voice man. Fucking retarded. Yeah, he does impressions like me. Here's my African-American Oh

Is that what his name was? Yeah, that's what he would ease because it's all Indian Yeah, well that sucks we should try and call him well, there's no point in calling back we're gonna get Oh shit, oh wow. Oh wow That's so good. Oh That's intense. Can she get over your freaking shoulder? Oh, my God. Yeah.

Oh, my. Can she come closer to the cam? That is nice makeup. Yeah, she's been doing this for the last couple hours. Not done yet, though. Oh, my God. You two look delightfully horrific yes oh my god the sunken like the sunken eye effect and the raised brow oh man that's awesome nice work taylor you found quite the looker yeah your children will be war boys. That's crazy.

A lot of people have been saying I look like a war boy. You did. This is like, I don't know what this is. What is it? This is a whole piece. This is a whole piece. This is a like, oh, don't poke in my ear. Well, I'm trying to put the fucking thing in.

Oh. I didn't know what he was doing. And yeah, there's like a centipede coming out of this hole and another one coming out of this hole. Lean up closer. Oh.

Yeah, get real close because the camera will pick it up better. Wow. I'm speechless. That turned out super well. And it's like stitches and then we do a little centipede guy. From my seat, it's so gross, it's weird that you're touching it. Yeah, there's like whole, man, yeah this camera doesn't look very good but yeah, it looks a lot cooler.

Got a couple more hours to go. In person. Yeah. I don't know how much longer. So maybe Taylor's told us before and I just don't recall, where did you get these talents? I mean, I've seen the dicks you made. Those are very artsy. They don't look like they require a professional

level of talent, but the makeup you got here is very good. Oh, thanks. I just watch a lot of YouTube videos. Awesome. Looks great. Oh, thanks. Yeah, I just watch a lot of YouTube videos. Yeah? Awesome. Looks great. And I like art, anything art stuff. Wow, that's so freaking scary. When you popped up

behind here, it was just... That was great. It really was a bit disturbing. Oh, man. And I was like, why is no one else reacting to this? I didn't see. What a monster. I didn't know she was back there. Awesome. I never really got to go trick-or-treating

growing up because we lived in the country and the neighbors are really spread apart. If you go door-to-door, especially if you're on foot, it's a pretty good walk from house to house. I didn't live in a neighborhood where you could just go down to door, like, especially if you're on foot, it's a pretty good walk from like house to house. I didn't live in a neighborhood where you could just go down to Mr., you know, all the way down the street hitting the houses up. I did that a couple times because, you know,

my parents would drive me to wherever, but I don't think I ever really enjoyed it, to be honest. I didn't like dressing up. I didn't like, I mean, candy was nice, but I got candy anyway. I never really liked Halloween that much. I like the hygenes that seem to be sort of borderline tolerated, I guess, during Halloween, like egging houses and stuff. We do that occasionally. But I didn't like to hit random people. You know, I like to hit people I know. I feel like egging a random person's house is a really shitty thing to do, but... You know... I like to break pumpkins on people's front stoops. When I was... Oh yeah?

You know, like, 15, 16. That was fun. Get like an aluminum baseball bat and it makes such a loud sound when you... SMASH that pumpkin. Right at like, 2 in the morning. Hm. So Trevor got it. I am. Oh, he did get it? Yeah, just tweeted. Let's call him.

Yeah. Successful early black ops. Yeah. Always a beautiful thing. What's up, man? Hey, hey. tell me the news. Victory, victory, we got it. It's all good.

So you gave him cash and he gave you the, did you open the box and check everything? Yeah, I had him, I could tell that the box was like, it hadn't been opened. Like he even had to cut off like the little circular clear like stickers that attach like the cardboard like outer wrap to the box. I had him do that and then

I had him even open up the cellophane around the case, the PS4 case, and show that the disc was still in there because I was thinking I guess he could open it, take the disc out, and then rewrap it with the plastic or whatever, but he did that and everything was good. Awesome. I'm on the way home now.

Dude, five minutes ago, I pretended to call you, but it was calling Kyle, and he's like, yo, man, what's up? And I'm like, is Trevor there? And he's like, oh, is that his name? My phone now. Dude, that's awesome. Yeah, not everyone went for it, but a couple did.

We got some. And they've got no chill about a joke. Yeah, they had no chill about the joke. Yeah, everyone tried to ruin it the best they could. But it was fun. It was fun. Anyway, congrats, man. You're the only guy I know so far that has it early.

Yeah, it's been super tight-knit this year. So I'm excited. It's probably going to be like a busy couple of weeks, but I know that I've been talking to Chiz. Wait, would you say you're super excited? Oh, I'm beyond super excited. I'm super-duper excited. All right.

To Chiz and Mirka, I would love to hop on the show at some point. These next couple of weeks I'm going to be in LA and it's going to be super crazy, but sometime soon we should set it up. That sounds great, man. We should make that happen. Cool. All right. Congrats, dude.

Bye. Thank you. Have a good night. All right. That's awesome. So he found that guy through Craigslist? Is that what he said? Yeah, yeah.

He's been looking all over New York, and he's been looking all over Orlando, and he found a guy. Yeah. So he got a good deal, it looks like. I guess maybe. I might start looking on Craigslist whenever we get done here. Just scan around and see if I can find something similar. Atlanta's a pretty good market i don't i'm not gonna pay some uh

silly amount for it but i'd like to get it early just to play it you know whatever i almost want the pre-order one like i i didn't i i haven't been following it that closely but i kind of want nuketown and i feel like if you're gonna make videos at all nuketown is usually good for them um i bet you could buy it for $2. I don't know. The question is when. I'm sure that you'll be able to buy it for $2, but is that going to be in December?

I thought they were going to do that whole one console gets it early thing. No, PS4 gets it early now. Yeah, yeah. That's right. I'm honestly more excited about fallout coming out than i am the call of duty i'd like to play some zombies with you guys i think that'd be a lot of fun uh do some do some co-op zombies make some videos like

pka plays yeah yeah yeah i feel like we could hop on one saturday and play for like you know until we whatever happens you know if we do well then it could be several hours or maybe we have to start we die and we start again whatever but you know play four hours and we have like videos for the whole week I think that'd be cool but I really want to play some Fallout I'm excited about a new Fallout

a brand new you know wasteland to explore new weapons to find you should bring back FPS Kyle Let's Play, or whatever the name of that channel is. Well, I've got a channel called FPS that I could put gaming stuff on that's got, I don't know, 70,000 subs

or something like that. Maybe I'm wrong. 50, 60, 70, somewhere in there. I might. See, the thing is, is the upload schedule. When I do that, it means that my internet is virtually constantly tied up by an upload.

Because my upload speed is like 2 to 3 megabits. And that's not good when you're uploading high def, 1080p, 60 frames gameplay footage from a PC. I like

to add color correction and stuff. They're going to be massive files. So I don't know. I'd like to do it, but I really just don't have the internet speed to make that happen. And I really, and at this point I don't even have, uh, uh, my, my tech stuff isn't good enough to do the level of quality that I would want to, to be putting out. I don't want to put up, put out substandard quality, uh, on, you know, to be putting out. I don't want to put out substandard quality, visually speaking. I'd like to, but not sure how that's going to work. If I get it for Xbox instead of PC, I could do it that way and it would be pretty easy, I guess. I've thought about it. I know that some people would like to see that sort of thing, but I don't have any immediate plans

to make that happen first first and foremost i just want to play the game and explore and it's not as much fun like if you're doing a recording while you're doing everything for the first time i want to immerse myself in that experience turn the lights off put the headphones on pretend like i am whoever your character is this wanderer out in the wasteland and i'll get sucked into that thing for hours at a time. There's a better look at her Halloween costume there. Yeah, oh, it's so good. Oh, I see now those are she's got like a centipede type creatures crawling on in the hole on her head. Oh, it looks way better on

the Twitter picture. And the neck, the neck where it stops I'm sure is going to be fixed. She's just midway through it. Yeah, that looks great. Man, she's still got a few hours to go. It's going to be creepy going out tonight. I've been shown up. Creepy just to say this, but I swear somehow

she still looks really pretty with all that crap on. She is very pretty. You'd think it'd be masked but i she looks pretty even with the costume on see some how big her eyes are through that creepy dark hole yeah i like the way the nose looks like it's cut off but yeah yeah yeah so Kyle you're going to a party right no I got no no uh I'm not doing anything um probably gonna catch up on all the tv shows I missed out on when I'm gone when I was gone I already caught up on South Park that was pretty good I'm current on South Park for this season I've enjoyed this season it's not uh it's had two or three it's had two very good episodes

and one or two pretty good episodes and I thought there was I don't remember exactly which one but one of them was kind of subpar but this last one was pretty good it was about you know how they say that gay people don't get to choose that they're gay

and they kind of played off of that and there's this with this japanese art form called yaoi where they depict two heterosexual men uh through through art um being gay together and like they like they uh sort of fantasize about the the relationship not really fantasize about it but depict it in art form and so they pick craig and tweak all the asian girls at the school and they're making all this art of craig and tweak in a romantic relationship with each other like hands down pants and kissing and like it's all japanese anime style so you know rosy cheeks and and and the whole thing and and they're like we're not gay though we're not good they though and the

whole thing is like you don't get to choose whether you're gay or not. The Japanese, they decide. They decide who's gay. I like how Randy does his like, he's trying so hard to be progressive that any new idea that's submitted to him is, of course I knew that already. I've been living my life like that. Yeah, of course I knew Japanese people decided who was gay. Yeah, the gowee and the gowee and the anal intercourse. I know all about that stuff. Yeah, I've known about and the anal intercourse. I know all about that stuff.

Yeah, I've known about that for years, Stan. They're doing a good job. I like how that show has evolved because it used to be lots of crude jokes. When's the last time Cartman called Kyle a goddamn Jew or something like that? They don't beat those old jokes to death. They come up with new stuff, new ways to... I wish they it more i like the social commentary i like the satire there's a

satire and that stuff is all good what i like out of south park is every so often they give really good life lessons um and you know while they're not always going to be universally agreed upon it's some of it's really good the marijuana one might be my favorite one ever you know i don't know if you guys have seen it it'd be easy to find but they basically say like it's not going to kill you it's not going to do this it's not going to do that but it makes you okay with being bored and you know while you're just sitting there being bored doing nothing everyone you want to watch it oh i've seen it i'm not sure everyone has. Yeah, when they talk about it, it's not actually bad for you physically, but like you said, it'll make you complacent

and okay with being mediocre. Which is true. I can barely spell marijuana. I can't spell marijuana, apparently. M-A-R-I-J-U-A-N-A. Marijuana. Marijuana. It auto-corrected for me,

but I'm not finding the scene I'm looking for. I bet everyone knows there. A lot of people know it. But yeah, he basically just says, look, you know, like they were lying to the kids about how dangerous it was. He's like, it just makes you okay with being bored.

And then you're bored for a long time. And before then, you know, you find out you're not good at anything. While everyone else is getting good at things and learning skills and, you know, building whatever. You know, you just find that you've been sitting there doing nothing. I learned a skill this week. Oh, yeah? What'd you learn? I learned to drive an armored personnel carrier.

skill this week oh yeah what'd you learn i learned to drive a normal personnel carrier it was like if at first they were like you know um oh and then kyle we'll take you over here and we'll show you how to drive the bmp and i was like ah you know i don't even have to technically be the one driving and you know he could drive it and i'll pop out of the hatch we'll do some movie magic like no no no we want you to be the one driving and i was like sure you know i so i go and took like took maybe 30 minutes of familiarization um the control panel on that thing is like it's like an aircraft almost there's what does bmp stand for i don't know it's a it's a russian armored personnel carrier um it's got a 6.4 liter uh diesel engine uh it's like a five-speed transmission or something like

that you know and uh there were a lot of stuff to learn but i i got it all down i learned to steer it and by the end of the day i think i was probably the best at driving it that was there including you know all the staff and people who had been driving it i got really good with it and uh i enjoyed it i i had a lot of i didn't think i would usually i've driven tank a lot of tanks before i had a lot of, I didn't think I would. Usually, I've driven a lot of tanks before. I'd say a lot, three tanks before. How do you, typically it's like a lever for each tread and you just do that? I've seen that, yeah, that's a cool thing. But this one had this thing that was sort of, it wasn't a wheel,

it was more of a bar that was like horizontal. Trying to get far enough from the camera so you can, and I kind of put my hands on it like this and did this with it. And if you did it a little, it would make nice smooth turns. But if you did it hard, it would do that number where one tread goes forward and one backwards and it'll just zero turn. And so, yeah, that's how it worked. It's funny you picked that up so well, but you can't whitewater raft for a shit. Paddle backwards.

Oh, I didn't want to paddle at all. He means everyone but me. He means the plebes on this boat. We shouldn't have been paddling at all. See, what that guy was doing was like guiding us in as smoothly as possible like we were a bunch of toddlers. I wanted to hit those rocks fucking head on. I wanted bumps and people getting thrown and stuff.

So like when he's like, paddle backwards, no, no, let's fucking hit it sideways. Let's caps people getting thrown and stuff. So when he's like, pedal backwards, we're just like, no, no. Let's fucking hit it sideways. Let's capsize this bitch and make something cool happen. These aren't raging rapids we're going to get sucked under. There aren't whirlpools. I wanted to crash that boat. I wanted to see Chiz go for a swim again.

You could have killed Chiz. He's not a strong swimmer, right? Kyle is not a strong swimmer. You got strong light raft and we can just grab a paddle and pull you back in chis fell out of the boat we pulled him right back in that's right yeah i was one of the pullers and then i looked at my footage it didn't look that good it was like the something about the angle of having it on top of your head it's not that the rapids were like the world's greatest rapids, although they were the greatest in the area. But everything seemed so easy from my head-mounted or helmet-mounted cam.

That thing Chiz fell out on was at least a seven-foot drop. It might have been nine foot. And it looked like four. It looked like, why did he even fall out of the boat? And some of the other things that we did find that were like five or six foot drops look like they were just speed bumps and yeah yeah it just doesn't work out that well oh well i enjoyed the trip though i had a lot of fun that on that trip i liked going ziplining i liked uh i liked doing the the rafting i'm glad i did it uh that was a fun trip i enjoyed that cabin as much as anything, though.

Hanging out up there. Simply pleasures? Yeah. Or simple pleasures. Simple pleasures. Three dudes. Three dudes staying in a cabin called simple pleasures. It was a little silly, but whatever. That's how I like this.

Kyle really liked the cabin. I remember. I'm sorry to cut you off. But you were like, you know, I could buy a cabin like this. Like your next place might be. I still am. That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to have one built.

That's what I'll do next time. Because I figured for like, first of all, I like that look. I like the rough edges. I like the timbers on the inside. I like the hardwood floor that's not, you know. Perfect and shiny. Yeah, perfect and shiny and all that i like that it's just rough board i feel like you could spill a whole plate of spaghetti

on the floor and use a shovel to clean the floor it was finished it wasn't like it was raw wood like a western floor or something but it was i'd be fine with that i i bet you it doesn't clean up well i bet you just stain everywhere but uh you know it had a rustic look, that's for sure. And it was pretty cool. I can see why you'd like it. And it was a pretty neat size for someone who doesn't have a whole family living there. Yeah, I don't want a family. That's not going to happen.

It's always going to be me and one other person. Never going to have kids, you don't think, Kyle? Nah, I don't think so. Maybe get a polygamy, get myself a couple of ladies. But, no, I wouldn't want children, I don't think so. Maybe get a polygamy, get myself a couple of ladies. But no, I wouldn't want children, I don't think. There's the financial thing. And then I was talking to Richard Ryan about this. We were sharing a room out there in Texas, and we kind of stayed up late talking about our girlfriends

and our thoughts about our futures and families and all that stuff. And yeah, at first I said to him, I was like, I don't think I'd do a good job at it. And he's like, no, I don't think that's it. If you really think about it, I bet you'd say that you know that you'd do your best to do a good job at it and you know what that would do to the rest of your life and how that would impact. And I was like, yeah, you know, yeah, that is it. I would want to give it my all and try to be the best dad I could and I feel like if you're being a great dad

then you're not it's hard to be a then you can't be a great anything else in some regards like or maybe I couldn't I feel like if splitting myself between all those things and doing especially like like the kind of sort of things that I like to do wouldn't be possible. I really like my freedom. I really like the ability to drop everything and just go on a little miniature road trip for two days. We do that occasionally. And I like the ability to do dangerous stuff and know that should I not make it through this skydiving thing or this shoot or whatever it might be that like I'm not going to leave behind hungry mouths or something like that and I don't like kids

that much like I don't like being in their presence for more than a couple days at a time they can be fucking annoying um I really when I hung out with Woody I mean I liked I liked his kids Colin's great uh it was you know I'm uncle I'm his kids. Colin's great. I'm Uncle Kyle by the end of two days. He's jumping on me and roughhousing and stuff. We had a great time, but I don't know if I'd want my life to be like that

all the time. I like the ability to just be like, you know what? Everybody leave me the fuck alone. I'm going to go play a video game for four hours, clear my head, and I don't care what happens out here i'm in there you know and you can't do that you got kids you gotta be there i agree that's where i'm in i mean i'm only i'm not that much younger than you so you're 25 three four four yeah so i don't know just seems like the whole money thing like worrying about money seems like if you don't have kids like so little goes so far like as far as having fun and doing what you want you

know and you can always go into emergency mode you can be like you know what like fuck it i can live on x amount of dollars but if you got kids you gotta be like but then there's braces and and this and that and this and kids are expensive like what what is the average for raising a kid like like 200,000 250,000 I was gonna say a quarter million or something like so so if you choose a life with no kids like let's say I get a vasectomy I'm automatically guaranteed like a free house right like a nice one and half a million you know yeah yeah doing two kids yeah or or you know like a night a good house and and a and a lamborghini you know or a good house and quarter million in savings or half a million

dollars in savings you know uh however you want to look at it like that's a lot of money and i don't think i'm reaping 250 000 worth of benefit per kid when i could get a puppy or i could just hang out with my niece and nephews i hear you you. I like having kids. I feel like they give my whole life a purpose. They're a really big deal to me. I'm super happy that I have kids. Another thing I'm super happy about is that I have money. It's hard to have both, but I was thinking about the role of money and know, I'm sure money whore is about to start flowing through. Hypothetical low income Woody wouldn't be a happy man, would he? No.

He'd be anxious all the time. That might be true. The biggest thing about having money is not the things you can buy. It's the control of your own time. Like that's the big deal. And the things you can provide for the people you love, you know? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's the big deal uh the things you can provide for the people you love there you know yeah yeah i mean that's a big deal but i was the control of your own time is the thing that i value most i'm if you have to like remember before i was talking about how how little time you actually have when you work you know like you wake up at whatever seven or something

and you get home at six something you eat dinner and it's eight before your time is yours and then that's a young kid's bedtime but you know even if they're older and they go to bed at like 10 or 11 then that's it there's like a two hour slice of your day that is yours and your bedtime is probably you know 10 or 11 if you're waking up at you know six or seven every day so um uh but when you have control of your own time like that like all of life is just so much cooler when uh when you have that that's that is by far in my opinion like the reason to accumulate money so you can do whatever the fuck you want yeah that was that was one of the things that we were kind of talking about a lot on this trip because you know our host there uh that owns the ranch and everything he's's incredibly wealthy, you know, hundreds of millions of dollars.

And it's interesting to see, like, what someone who can have anything has. And a lot of us, and we were like, you know, he hasn't been frivolous about this. Like, he doesn't have Lamborghinis. He doesn't have a fleet of helicopters or anything, he doesn't have a bunch of goofy, silly toys that you couldn't also look at as a tool. He's got a lot of things that are business-oriented and about getting stuff done. He's got an excavator, or he's got these tanks. Well, that tank stuff is about having people come and pay to use those tanks in the future.

And that big game ranch, it's a paid hunt sort of thing. And one of the things I learned about that, I know that big game hunting isn't that politically correct these days or popular, and we've talked about how I don't care for it when someone goes over to Africa and shoots that wild African lion and all that stuff. I didn't care for that Ceas goes over to africa and shoots that wild african lion and all that stuff i didn't care for that cease of the lion thing but in his case a lot of these animals if he weren't taking care of them then they were going to be put down they were going to be exterminated

in one way or another a lot of them are surplus zoo animals that he's like basically sort of adopted and takes care of and uh i know there was one instance where like they made it illegal to hunt this certain type of antelope because it was so rare. And it really and it existed in its in the most quantities on Texas big game ranches. They were more in Texas than there were in Africa. And so when they made it illegal to hunt them now, now they're almost completely extinct. now they're almost completely extinct. And the reason for that was these Texas game ranches had them and were paying to keep their birds alive. But all of a sudden now it's not profitable to keep them alive.

You can't have them there anymore because what if a hunter accidentally kills it? So they had to get rid of them. So now they're all gone. So there are good things that come about from yeah from those if they made riding horses illegal then there'd be hardly any horses like look look philly you know you don't get ridden and you don't live i think we need more horse meat in our diet like i think that we should be able to go somewhere and order a horse steak or order a horse burger or something like in canada you can

do that and i want a cheap steak whatever that is if horse is cheap if bison is cheap if yeah i would i want some cheap red meat i just want to eat a majestic animal i want it to be in my belly oh we got to fix the cameras i uh what going to say? I wonder what it tastes like. Probably similar to cow, just really lean, I would think. I've had a handful of, like, exotic meats. Like, I shouldn't say exotic, maybe. I've had elk and venison, of course, and duck. I guess none of these are really exotic. I've had alligator.

I've had rattlesnake. I like the elk. The elk was really tasty. And I like venison, too. But nothing beats that freaking Five Guys hamburger. That's what I'm wanting right now. I think if we get done with this in time... Yeah, I'm going to go get a Five Guys hamburger in a minute.

Whenever we're done with this. These things are delicious. You've been on a big Five Guys kick. Yeah, yeah. And to maintain a decent weight, it means I can only eat the one meal a day. So it's annoying. I've had to start running again.

I'm not a fan of it. Running is the worst. Yeah, running is the worst. It's also the best. Okay, I hate the act of running. However, when I think about the other things I could, like, I can run starting at my front step. And then in 30 minutes, I can get what I think is a pretty good workout, you know, and come back exhausted, having burned a bunch of calories and stuff.

On the other hand, if I were to go to a gym or play hockey is a really good example. I love playing hockey, but it's three hours, you know's i have it running but running 30 minutes burns like what like 40 calories or something no more than that but still not as much as you would think i would guess that running 30 minutes is like an hour worth of hockey maybe more you know you spend time on the bench it's it's wind sprints essentially but it's you know well you're a goalie so it's different but you know when you're a regular line player you spend a lot of time just waiting for your turn, especially if there's three lines. Running is hard work from the doorstep to the doorstep. And you're right there to it. Hockey is three hours. I have to leave like, you know, an hour in advance. I have to get changed

and you have to be ready. Then you play for an hour. And then it's usually an hour after I'm showered up and change my gear and drive home and all that stuff. It's a big commitment of time to do that, whereas you can do the other stuff so much quicker. Yeah, that's true. What kind of stick do you use? Me? I could grab them, but it would be a... One mile is 124 calories.

That was the average amongst 12 men. Whatever's lightest, typically. I use a snappy blade, like an 85 or something like that. It'll be a one-piece fiberglass thing. It's because my left hand's a little weak, and that's the one I hold the top of the stick with

because of that car accident's weak. I have an easier time swinging it around. I play defense. I just try to make whatever they want to happen not happen and if i have if i if i have a heavier stick then uh then i have a harder time like it's easier to sort of skate around me and stuff because i'm slower to to swing it at him so something light and something snappy and uh you know everything works out okay that can be a fun trip for me and Woody.

Not Kyle though, but PKA hockey. Dude, I would love to do a PKA hockey. I would even brush up my skills. I'd get the rust off. I need to do that. I'm so not flexible anymore. I mean, I would come. I'm not going to get on the ice, but I'll be there supporting you guys.

I'll be a mascot of some kind. It really is excruciating. I'm not even kidding. Something about those skates on my ankles, it really is just awful. It's because you're bowing your feet up. Yeah, I don't think I can help it. You have to keep them straight like this.

I think I'm a little bow-legged. I just can't take it. Naturally, the way I'm just standing there, my inner ankles are just, I can, it's like an ache. It's not a pinching pain. It's not like a, uh, it's just this deep, awful ache that feels like something bad is going to happen if I keep it up.

And I mean, I could fight through it for an hour. Like I, when we were skiing in Vermont, like I did my best to keep it up and I was like, oh, it'll get better. You know, as time goes on, I'm sure it's like when you put a football helmet on for the first time. That first day it aches and hurts, but eventually you just kind of get used to it. It doesn't hurt anymore. But now it was just awful and it kept getting worse and worse until I felt like I was going to be fucking injured.

And I have gotten the same thing both times I've went ice skating. Roller skating, not, obviously. So if you want to go roller der go roller derby that'd be cool make it some roller skates yeah yeah that'd be cool if we could get some roller skates involved and do some hockey i'd do that i can skate i'm solid on roller skates i'm good on roller skates but being a goalie on rollerblades is horrible it is so i said skates in that place we're going old school i i said roller skates. Oh, like with the four wheels?

Yeah, roller skates, not roller blades. Dude, I used to play roller hockey. I stopped, by the way, because it's brutal on your knees. Even though I had fully healthy, this is pre-ECL surgery and everything, but it still wrecks your knees. But thought process derailed. Catch my train. Oh, some guys used roller skates and i didn't only because

i was stupid and too cool you know like all the i wanted to wear blades because that's like closer to hockey but dude the guys with the roller skates that could like run on their toe stops and the defenseman that would go backwards just tilt forward on their toe stops and then start running forwards whereas everyone else is like doing arcs and stuff. Dude, roller skates are just better than roller blades. And I should have used them in fucking dominated that totally unimportant league of roller hockey.

It's not as cool. It's not as cool looking, but I, I've always liked those and I'm going to go half as fast. I don't, I think that's true. I'm going pretty fast. I can only get half as fast. You think that's true? I'm going pretty fast. I'm sure you go faster than me.

But I'm going as fast as I want to go. I don't know. I haven't been skating in a while. I don't know why they do slower. You're talking about... I'm saying the four-wheeled ones that are like 1, 2, 3, 4 are slower than they have in a while. Yeah than we have yeah yeah i don't know why

that would be i i hear you but and we call them quads uh the old school roller skates okay from henceforth they shall be known perfect that's what i was going for yeah yeah i like i think quads are just better i think they're faster and i think they're far more maneuverable i think um the way that you can run on toe stops is superior to the way that you run on an angle and uh you know with with blades and uh she's wrote skates are better than fruit boots uh i like i like skates more and but uh i also like ice more than roller so i just that's what someone says when they can't skate. When you can't skate on the regular skates

and you call them fruit boots, Chiz, I bet that's what you're doing. But you can't even skate on the regular ones. I can skate on them, but they hurt the same way that blades do. What's your shot, Kyle, with a hockey stick? My shot. Can you shoot at all? I've never held a hockey stick.

I'm sure you're completely incompetent. The only hockey puck I've, I mean, I've watched and I've seen like the motion and everything. And I think I have a decent idea of what it entails. But if someone told me the same thing about a baseball swing, I'd be like, hey, yeah, come on. Yeah, let's throw the pitching machine on. Let's see you whack away. Yeah. So probably like I'm a one out of a 100 uh on the scale of good hockey shots um

and uh what else is there to know i was slow like as far as a hockey puck i i held a hockey puck like once and it was because we got at the thrashers game one came over the net and we captured it and took it with us but my i was slow to learn to slap shot i don't know if you're good at slap shotting but uh like it i i swear the notion of like hitting the ice and getting the stick to flex and then go um it took me embarrassingly long to learn like nine months or a year or something yeah i didn't know that was even a part of it yeah it's hard i i saw some i was actually um so who's uh the shit who's the canadian guy that played in back to future michael j fox

i saw michael j fox just like effortlessly hit a slap shot this is years ago and i was like that fucker's better at it than me but um now i i can't i assume it would take me 10 minutes or so are you dragging the hard and flat you're dragging the stick across the eyes and loading it up basically with tension and then at the last second you're releasing the tension and flicking it yeah so the puck is like right here you're not the stick isn't coming in and just hitting the puck like it hits the ice here flexes down to take some tension not much the thing is that the difference kyle i think is that you're not dragging it a foot you're sort of slamming it four inches behind it's a very small distance okay where you hit it yeah the dragging thing can kind of happen with the wrist shot which is a way more effective way to score anyway but uh yeah most of the time but um the slap shot is the i

don't know for some reason it's the prestige shot if you hit a hard flat fat slap shot then you know the guy's a hockey player hockey just seems so silly to me. I know you I mean you guys love it Or whatever, but don't understand why somebody would think it's silly Yeah, it's just something about the idea of what it is like when you break it down to its core components Right like that you need a first of all a frozen surface Like they're not rare in other places, but carry on Canada. They're pretty common They're rare in on most of the planet. They are rare. Yeah, they don rare in on most of the planet they are rare yeah they don't play in most of the planet though okay okay but just going forward on most of the planet the very

playing field itself is a rare occurrence um and then ice skates i mean first first of all you have to have the the the ice to necessitate skate then you, that also seems silly to me, that idea of the ice skating. Cause like where did that even come from? Like at what point was it necessary to do some skating? Cause like- I get it, and the vulcanized rubber and that whole thing. But I feel like most sports fall down

under close examination. Soccer is just as stupid, so is basketball. So is baseball, at least as dumb. I remember hearing about this game that I always get the Mayans and the Aztecs confused, so forgive me, historians. Oh, I cringe when they talk about the Aztecs, because I went to UCLA and I studied about the Aztecs for four years, and whenever they talk about the Aztecs, I just can't stand

it. Well, click away, cocksucker. So whether it's the Aztecs or the Mayans, they played this game that was similar to soccer, if I remember correctly, but the goal was a hole in the wall on either side. And if you scored, you were sacrificed. You played to one point. I would not be good at that game. Imagine a hole like five feet high, six feet high in a wall,

and what it would take to kick the ball and get it to go in there. If I remember correctly, that's how the game is played it would take a death wish that's the hardest part finding someone who wants to die and forgive me it's been a little while oh it's not been that long for me i'm at ucla starting this right now you cocksucker um but but they would it was basically like soccer and you had to i think you could use everything but your hands if i remember correctly but they had you know, they played until they did score and the games could be very long. And I was thinking like, okay, yeah, it is hard to

score, but I think those games are long because not just anybody was willing to be sacrificed. Do you think there were like a, there's a lot of passing in that game and the announcers like for the season. Another game of zero to zero. A lot of ties this season, Todd. You know, this sport looks a lot like tennis. The ball's right back and forth.

I don't want it. You take it. I'd be the worst defenseman of all time. Just stepping out of people's way and letting them go past. Yeah. I think most sports are silly. They're just silly. At their core, when you break down any sport, it's like,

you take a piece of lumber and then you hit a ball and then you run you take a piece of lumber and then you hit a ball and then you you run and touch some piece of fabric in a diamond shape and hope someone doesn't catch the ball like yeah if they invented it's a good thing hockey is so old because if they like invented that sport now with all like the overprotective parents to be like oh my god they're wearing razor blades on their feet this can't be a contact sport i'm googling here there's some important information sure so um there's i i searched for like aztec soccer sacrifice and there's something called the aztec ball game and it has another name like illuminazitli or something that's perfect pronunciation yeah nailed it so uh uh it looks like

the coach or sometimes the entire losing team would be sacrificed so now there's a whole new incentive to be good at this game and there's a bunch of other stuff like the head no i'm sorry the ball is meant to represent ucla was cr I'm sorry. The ball is meant to represent. See, the guy at UCLA was cringing. You see? The ball was meant to represent the head of a sacrificed person. And there's some other things that's spiritually meant sacrifice. But essentially, you lose. And at least in some cases, they would kill them.

And it was an honor to be sacrificed. I see. See, that's why... Oh, but wait. There's some dispute. Well, okay, let me read it because I'm reading it now for the first time. The way I learned it was it was the winner and the way I definitely read it was it was the guy who scored.

Check this out. You might not be wrong. It is said that the ball represented the head of a sacrificed victim. In Temocletian, the ball court was the foot of the bloodstained stairs of the temple, and the ball game itself would be the scene of a sacrifice. It is believed that the losing coach or even the whole team might be sacrificed. Some historians have disputed this because it was an honor to be sacrificed.

It may have been the winning team that lost their lives. So that's where that stands. It looks like there. How do you find enough teams to keep playing? Because it was an honor to be sacrificed, it may have been the winning team that lost their lives. So that's where that stands. It looks like they're... How do you find enough teams to keep playing? Yeah, that's Greg. He's the all-time greatest tour, and he's dead. Yeah. Look at you.

Everybody's tied for the record. Everyone's tied at one. There's the one guy who scored twice in one game. He's the legend. I'm already ready for Christmas. Kyle's kind of bad Santa. I am brawny man. Right?

What are you? I'm Daphne from Scooby-Doo. Okay then. Thank you for dinner. What do you got now? Me? It's like your third delivery of food. Yeah, there were cupcakes.

I haven't eaten today and Woody's had like four trays of cupcakes or something. Yeah, I had a pretzel half an hour ago, and that's all I've had. Let me lay this down. Jackie brought me gamma labs because I was feeling down and I wanted to be up. Colin brought me two cupcakes of which I've eaten one. And Jackie has brought me chicken and mashed potatoes. Mmm. What kind of chicken? Fried, grilled, steamed? Some sort of oiled chicken thing. Oiled chicken. Looks like baked maybe?

Is there breading on it? Ooh, dinner time. Yes, I think it is breaded. I think that's a show. I think we should go more into your meal tonight. I think that's what the people really want to get into. Yeah, I think it's a show. I think we should go more into your meal tonight. I think that's what the people really want to get into. Yeah, I think it's been a great show. Yeah, I think it is a good one.

I was thinking of cutting up, maybe taking out some of the calls and uploading them individually. One in particular I thought was really awesome that you two did together. I think we're going to get a good time. Yeah. All right, well, I'm going to eat this

and I'm going to think of Henrietta. And that was Painkiller Nearly episode 254 thanks to all you live guys who listened thanks to all you guys who are listening out there on the recordings be sure to check out our sponsors do that survey all that's down below hope you enjoyed yeah

and I don't know I think it was a pretty cool idea we couldn't do do it on time, so we did it live. Fuck it. We did it live. All right. That was Painkiller already. Goodbye, everybody. See ya.

Shut your cock holster.