Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #255

Episode Date: November 12, 2015

This week on PKA, Harley from Epic Meal Time joins us and talks about YouTube success and the job that it really is, the guys discuss some favorite game trailers and what they're looking forward to in upcoming gaming, and Kyle gets real REAL with us.

Hey, PKA 255 with Epic Mealtime, Harley. This episode is being brought to you by Squarespace.com. Start building your website today at Squarespace.com. Enter offer code PKA at checkout to get 10% off. Squarespace, build it beautiful. They're fucking awesome. Top notch. Harley, how are you?

What up, man? Long time no see. Yeah, welcome back. Yeah, I haven't seen you both in a very long time. Since the last time you were on the show, it's been like a year, I guess. Yeah, over a year. Something like that. On the show yet.

Dude, you totally fooled me. You made an epic Mealtime episode and you're like, the last one ever. And I was like, oh, well, I got to see it. You're like, loud fucking time. And then you're like, time and then you're like this son of a you're like you're like i'm gonna keep doing this so as long as i make more money than your daddy that's a good philosophy yeah yeah it's true i mean and also the whole beating a dead horse thing i mean like i've seen it before people like wow five years later it's not a novelty anymore

but we get we get new discovery we even see like our audience shifting a bit you know what i mean like we've gone up like like we have 30 almost female viewership when back in the day it was less than 10 so it's crazy yeah it's just really high we got four percent female viewership over there on fps russia so those four percent of chicks who love guns and me i i really appreciate yes my head's off Channel is at 1% the tip of the fedora to the 1% out there Thanks mom I feel like your 4% are all girls that like just want to get it in with you actually mine are all catfishing

They're not really girls at all. I want to talk about Harley. Yeah, man. Let's get it. Dude, so... I hope this doesn't come off wrong. I don't even think of Epic Mealtime as a cooking show. To me, it's the harley show it's like what ridiculous thing is he gonna do yeah is he gonna he used to i remember one time

you signed off you're like next time we eat the future and i was like yeah that's why i tune in i want to hear that ridiculous shit like that that's so funny you said that and like i agree like epic mealtime is definitely not a cooking show it's so satirical and stuff but when you're like it's the harley show like amir who basically like almost single handedly creates every meal for sure shed such a tear like fuck like all no but epic meal time is a celebration of food show you know we we do handle it on on friday saturday where we're like hey here's how you make pizza cupcakes something that that isn't $1,000 and won't take you three days to make, but something you could make in your dorm or something like that.

And that's a cooking show. But you kind of take these characters from Epic Mealtime and throw them in this cooking show. It still comes off weird and stuff like that. It's just like a weird food thing. I like the progression of drunkness for you. You start off and you're very crisp,

clear, coherent, listing everything off, and then by the end, just one eye on you, one eye on the prize, just lazily listing around. Some of the most fun I've ever had filming have been filming the ones we did with you

guys. I've hung upside down out of helicopters, but it's hard to beat a night with Epic Mealtime. Or an afternoon. Sometimes this shit's happening in the afternoon and we're drinking. That one in LA with the Nerdist. That was like 6pm and I drank all of that shit.

I spent a night with Epic Mealtime and I just didn't belong. I had to retire to my room. Nobody wants me there. The old man. You missed the grilled cheeses. You missed the cheese balls getting thrown at the walls.

You missed so much. You missed the, what's her name, having the photo shoot out in the snow in her ski boots. What was? I think this is fair. There's some sloppy... I locked myself in the room, but I could hear orgasm sounds coming from the thing. And I'm like, what is going on? Is someone faking?

In my head, there's like two girls messing with each other. And you stayed in your room? I did. Yes. I think the cigar in the butt was as extreme as it went out in the open publicly. That's wild. There think the cigar in the butt was as extreme as it went out in the open publicly. That's wild.

There was a cigar in the butt. It didn't hurt at all in case anyone's wondering. It didn't go in his ass. I don't know. Maybe I'm not supposed to. What's true? A girl put a cigar in another girl's butt and that was like the – we were like, whoa. But you were already done at that point. You were kind of like, all right, how much later can you stay up here fucked up no all right no dude i was awake

for a long time that old guy was and how he was kind of like cramping her style the whole time i was not that guy the guy who was like 70 like i remember we're like down in the pool room and like the girls are dancing and stuff and he's like excuse me we had a pool game here and we're all just like what yeah this is way sicker we're like right program this is way better we've only improved this here but it's so funny when i go back and watch like old epic meals like sometimes i'll do it i i binge watch like a binge watch i will do is like the fps ones like i'll go binge watch those and i'm like oh these fucking sloppy ass epic meals like every time we were doing it we're all like it's like i was like

we got to go so hard you're like okay i'm gonna go harder and i'm like well let's do that and then we're both we just don't stop until there's literally like strangers naked in your kitchen yeah like this is what happened this is. Like, strangers would end up naked in his kitchen and, like, weird shit, like guns and stuff. I had to call the cops to get that crazy bitch out of my house. Like, she was slurring and screaming. Just for clarity, my mom watches this show. I wasn't at that one. No, he wasn't.

That one wasn't. That's why I got to this level. He wasn't there. That's, like, 70-year-old. He was a party pooper. He wanted to play chess and shit. And he was always passing judgment. He should have known, like I did, that as the party escalated from G to PG to PG-13,

if you're not down for an R-rated party, go to your room. You know what? Honestly, I swear to God, I do not remember this guy whatsoever. Really? I think I've erased him from my mind, and I have an awful memory. He must have bothered me so much that I was like, no, you're not even in my brain anymore. Yeah, so he was like the owner of the lodge. Was he?

No, no, no. It was that guy's friend. There's a guy who owns a lodge, and then that guy's friend is there, and he had sent the friend down to stay up with us until we went to bed to ensure we didn't do any damage to the place because we've got the entire lodge to ourselves and we were fucked up we didn't go to sleep till like five six in the morning something like that like it was a long time before everybody like crashed it was like even at like 3 a.m at some point we put on all our like winter stuff we're like let's go outside we gotta go yeah gotta go gotta look

yeah yeah go outside the next morning like i've got all my gear i'm like dressed for winter what oh we're not skiing like there's no skiing today did i even bring skiing my snowboard did i even do that i don't remember seeing yeah no i think you had planned that there wasn't going to be any skiing. There was just going to be a lot of drinking. Because remember, you were trying to hit up the Ben & Jerry's to get that gigantic snowman of ice cream, and it didn't work out or whatever. Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah.

So we ended up making a sled of ice cream. Yeah, a meat sled. We did, yeah. We went skiing. I think it was the morning of that big night. And Kyle wasn't big for skiing. His ankles hurt. So we spent some time in the lodge.

And I won a dance contest. It was humiliating. Where was I? I don't know. You were asleep. You were asleep in bed with everyone else from the night before. It was a real pain. It makes it sound like I'm in bed with everyone.

No. With everyone else. I have a picture of us all in bed together, actually, I think. But yeah... That's possible. Yeah, it was like... It was a Michael Jackson medley or something.

And the guy had like... Did you moonwalk? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I did the thing and the... That's pretty much it. At one point... It's on the internet.

At one point, I took my hoodie off and threw it. Kyle was filming it and I did a little strip tease. And the guy had like 18 friends with him. And I had one. And I still won over more crowd.

Yeah, it was. You just took his people from him. I took everyone else. Yeah, right. But yeah, that was awesome. Harley doesn't know this thing. Dude. I didn't know that.

I'm not a good dancer. I'm really not. And I got invited to this thing. It was like Dance On or something. But you could think of it as Dancing with the YouTube Stars. I'm really not. And I got invited to this thing. I was like dance on or something, but you could think of it as dancing with the YouTube stars. I remember that. Yeah. So I was on the first season and they hadn't figured out like the problem

with their format yet. It was all based on fan voting. So I got out there, danced mediocrely and, and then live streamed every day telling people to vote for me up daily video uploads, et cetera, vote for me, vote for me. Daily video uploads, et cetera. Vote for me, vote for me.

There was a fair amount of money in it. How much money did you win? $37,500. Woo! Yeah. Now that is an award-winning dancer. There's some Juilliard-trained motherfucker out there been dancing his whole lives. His toes are all gnarled and deformed from his dancing.

Has not made $37,000. Professional dancer right here yeah and i i use that to pay off my house you should have bought a watch okay i couldn't correct those videos all of those dancing youtubers every one of them was so awkward it made my teeth hurt like i could get like 30 seconds dude some of them were good so what's up l who i think is doing really well now she was a good dancer um they had some moves no he didn't but uh there was another guy kingsley he was in it but he didn't dance well i was actually asked to be in that in the first season as well oh i'm so glad you weren't well if i like i remembered it and

like i was like it's good and i'm, the real me is down to do it. But at the time I had this weird protective insecurity of how I would be perceived outside of the show that I was like, I can't do it. If people know how much I'm enjoying myself dancing, maybe they're not going to believe me when I'm like, fuck all these bitches. That's exactly why I said no. It was like, well well who's going to dance is like is dimitri gonna go dance and like yuck it up and like want to be get like like being inappropriate and like making all these stupid jokes and in these these these russianisms or is kyle going to dance like yeah and then like completely destroying the thin veneer of the 2011 YouTube scene.

You know what's different about YouTube that's nice from my perspective? You're allowed to monetize now. The whole thing about no one having a profit motive or a profit motive being completely evil and awful is kind of gone. Everyone kind of realizes that these people... I was talking to Freddie W. at one point.

And he's like, oh, he talked about... By the way, he's one of the smartest guys to talk to in all of YouTube. I really like him. That guy, you talk to that guy and you could sit there for eight hours and just brain drain him and then go back to work the next day

completely better at your job. Yeah, I used to tap into him and Philly D. actually is another one i used to tap into him and philly d actually is another one i like to tap into for youtube advice i'm like yo give me give me what do you got what do you got he told me i saw you on twitch what's going on there you maybe should but uh um uh he was like one day like five or six youtubers all got a hardy sponsorship and they all uploaded like hardy's meetups and shit at the same time and the thin veneer that was was everyone figured

out that they got paid for it and everyone hated on them for it but nowadays i feel like that doesn't happen at all like if anything they're happy like oh look you know this guy got a hardy sponsorship you went through a huge phase with that woody i was just oh yeah some old school youtube googling or i guess youtubing and i found like five different videos from the same guy talking about how you were actually like abusing your children by like squeezing the back of their neck and forcing them to do videos and this guy was like seriously being like maybe you know should protective services get involved you be the judge. The guy was taking it so seriously that your kids may have a little bit enjoyed the attention. Dude, there were like dozens of people

like that. They would describe videos I never made. They're like, Woody is horrible. He crashes into his bedroom door and films his daughter in bed and puts it on. I'm like, I've never done that. It's so funny because I actually like, so what I like to do is I

like to frequent cringe but it it just so happens like I've seen myself on it many times like I'll watch I'm like oh look at this guy that's embarrassing and then I'm like whoa that's fully me they're totally I'm yeah I'm like I can see how you would cringe over this for sure but like I remember one time I saw I saw you on there and it was like you were doing like a Netflix thing. And then like your daughter, she was like, oh, yeah, she's like, we're going to like getting paid to watch TV. And you were like, don't say that. That totally happened. And I saw that.

I looked at it. I'm like, oh, I'm definitely not cringing. I'm like, that's just like genuinely funny. I'm like, true moment. You know, I'm like, I relate to this as like, like a creator, like a content creator. I'm like, oh my god, if I had like, my kids in the mix, too, it's just like a whole extra level there. You know what I mean? But do you break it down? Like, I think it's like, if there's an audience there, like, you know, like, if, if your kids are enjoying themselves, it's a cool thing.

It's fun. I mean, I would be so happy to be a part of that growing up. If that already existed in my life, I mean, they got to be the coolest kids in their class. My daughter is 16 now, and she's great. 16-year-old Hope is fantastic. 12-year-old Hope wasn't always on my team. And I talked to her about this recently. And she's like, I was like, it seemed like you weren't on, you know, my team sometimes like you were against me. And she's like, yeah, you know,

like 12 year old her just wasn't great. And that was her like, when she said, like, what happened is someone in the chat wrote, like, what's the point of this? Because what we do is we watch Netflix, right? Me and all my subscribers, and we wrote like, what's the point of this? Cause what we do is we watch Netflix, right? Me and all my subscribers. And we'd like synchronize the play and we'd all watch a movie together. And we'd like chat back and forth and give people attention or whatever. And,

and it was partly just to give subscribers attention. And it was partly cause I got paid by Netflix. And, uh, you know, someone's like, what's the point? And she's like,

the point is to see if we can make money while sitting on our couch. Only like it's such a child, you know, like only a child. It's not innocent child. It's like being mean to Woody child. Yeah. It's like, I'm going to fuck dad right now. Well, that sounded terrible. But like, I'm going to get dad.

I'm going to get dad. And this will be a problem. And congratulations, sweet pumpkin. She can't get mad at me on stream. Yeah. And as I said it, I was like, oh, people are going to hate on her and people are going to hate on us. And it turned out it was really all about hating me. But did you get a lot of flack for that?

I just saw it on cringe like honestly like maybe eight months ago and it wasn't i looked at i'm like map not cringe i'm like if you saw it on cringe eight months ago that was probably it's like 12th version you know it it makes its tour up there and i did get a lot of flack for that when it was new um what was i gonna say but yeah it was ugly for a bit the whole culture of of you know integrations and stuff like that you know what i mean um it never bothers me whatever people thought but that's you know i kind of like from the very beginning i was like oh netflix and i'm gonna get money for this bacon and enough money to impress bitches like it was so blatantly yeah you got out ahead of it by not even pretending

yes i thought it was so funny we like thought it was so funny we're like we're gonna do what we do and now we say this and money isn't that awesome like you know you think about like like at that time i was like you know 26 years old and now i'm 30 but 26 years old it's a very different human being I was like yo Netflix money like for real money and I'm just doing this shit right now and it was like

we had the same agent I know how much you made good for you it was really crazy like that was like one of the first times like netflix at the very beginning like i like like said it in an episode and like the report comes in and i was like that that i'm i'm gonna say it twice next week yeah yeah it was you know what like it's funny like because then that ultimately ends up paying for, you know, whoever you work with. In my case, you know, Epic Mealtime is an overhead of, you know, the cast, the production, you know. So, like, that stuff where it's just like, yo, that's so sick.

If I was a vlogger solo hanging out and living in my mom's basement, I'm like, I'm fucking taking a private jet somewhere just for fun and vlogging it but you know it's like epic mealtime it ends up paying jobs and stuff and then people think you like you do this and then this money's just loose and you just have this money but like then you like look at things like that really hurt you look at like your taxes or whatever and you're like this is crazy this is crazy and like you know in my case i'm canadian sometimes working in canada and the states it's like both countries want to tax you It gets really yeah And then you just like you just start to like Realize that whatever was silly videos and just yelling something in a video ends up being like a complete business

And a work and it comes with this huge load on your plate that sounds weird, right? Yeah, but I love my job. I really like I I think I'm super super fortunate load on your plate. That sounds weird, right? Yeah. But I love my job. I really like, I think I'm super, super fortunate, you know, to do shit like this. Like, I love this. You know, it's great. I started this new series called Woody Wednesday.

And the concept behind it is like, I had all these people who were my fans when they were like 15, but now they're like 19. And I've adjusted the topics to like, sort of grown up stuff, things that matter, et cetera. And I just talked about choosing a career, and one of the things I threw out there was that all jobs become work at some point, right?

Like, Epic Meal Time, I'm sure the first couple videos were just a freaking party, a pleasure, like nothing. Now there's payroll, there's work, et cetera, and as awesome as the job is, it's still work. Like, if someone were to offer you a day off, that might sound more attractive than work sometimes. Yeah, there's a cycle. My buddy was breaking this down to me and he was actually doing it in the conversation. He's a game developer.

He was doing it in the conversation of achievements on Xbox. achievements on xbox and he was saying like that having an achievement in xbox or like you know getting paid to do epic meal time whatever it is that you're doing in order to obtain what you want will eventually start to become something you resent no matter what if i like if you love reading books and you love eating pizza and I was like you got to read this book and every chapter you finish I'm going to give you a slice of pizza you're going to start to resent books forever like being the obstacle in the way to get your pizza so you don't read books because you love reading books you know I don't like I do still create epic mealtime because i love creating epic mealtime but

like i have like eight people that work with me if i'm like i don't feel like doing epic mealtime today like no you got to do epic mealtime because there are people out there that you are technically responsible for like they have jobs and if you don't do epic mealtime they lose their jobs so it's not just like only inherently about doing epic meal time because it's fun or like reading a book because it's fun or playing a video game because it's fun. You do it because it's your lifestyle. You need the money or you want achievement points or you want to eat pizza. You start to resent that thing in between. And, you know, I went through a period on epic meal time about like two years ago where things are like getting

difficult with personal relationships and it's becoming very taxing mentally and it's not like – it's like your fans aren't content with the quality. You start to get to this place where you're like, oh man. Mad Fientist I read about that in the paper. Two years ago, right? Aspects of that were public. The law stuff, the legal stuff. Mad Fientist Yeah, yeah. Exactly. right aspects of that were public the law stuff the legal stuff yeah yeah exactly yeah and like

so you get to this like place where you're just like you know i got there and i remember like starting to relove epic mealtime about you know when we left los angeles went back to canada i like went back to canada i was like i'm so happy i'm going back to canada i'm i like i'm really happy my next few months i'm filming fucking Epic Mealtime. I'm like, that's dope. I'm like, what was I even – where was my head at? You know what I mean? I kind of got to this place where I'm like, it's a job.

Got to do it. Got to do it. And I go back and watch some of these videos. I'm like, I see that. I see that moment where I was like, yeah, got to do my shit because if I don't do it, people aren't going to have jobs. And so now I'm at this place now. I'm like fucking epic mealtime sick. Like, you should see it every time we film.

We have like we have that party again, like you're talking about. We do like we all consciously like get together and we're like, it's going to be sick this Thursday. We're waking up. We're going to be here at 10 a.m. And, you know, there's going to be like mad booze, bitches. We have a fucking bacon freezer. We're going to bust it out and we're going to do whatever we want like who gives a fuck what the meal is we're just going to make something sick and we have all the things that we need to do it this

is our job what a crazy job and you kind of lose that when you're inside of it for so long i'm fucking rambling anyways no dude i'm sinking up with it so i had a similar thing at woody craft right like at first fun fun fun amazing, fun, amazing, amazing, amazing. And then there was a period where this is kind of drained. And we actually had some staff turnover. And now I have like fresh, hungry guys who are just like, they're pinging me. Everything is, I feel like we're firing on all cylinders at WoodyCraft.net, the best goddamn Minecraft server in the multiverse.

And it's exciting again. And, like, did you have any staff turnover in your thing? Yeah. I mean, like, you know, we had the guy who played Muscles Glasses. He got older. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly. Two friends of mine at the time and also people on the show, you know, where business and personals don't link up, you know, and then, you know, there are some guys that have been on Epic Mealtime for so long, like even myself, I've gone through it where you just kind of lose interest in the things that were like the best part about it and you know now we have some new guys here like one guy that's uh this guy mike who runs our gaming channel uh original gamer show on youtube um he runs our gaming channel and you know he comes up to be in the epic meals and i see him like looking at the food like fucking hard on

like when we gonna get it and i'm like oh yeah i'm like this is sick i'm like we can eat all this it's happening i'm just like you know i'm to get our six shots, make sure it looks good. I forget. Oh, yeah. And we get to eat this, this like fast food ball, like we get to eat it. It takes like what you were saying, hungrier guys coming in and being like, you know, looking at what has become monotony in everyday life being like, whoa, it's so crazy in here. And you look at it, you're like, is isn't it yeah it is crazy it looks like fun like i just saw the one where you were like last last episode ever and i got i got trolled into watching it and i went on a little playlist where i watched like five or six of them and it

still looks like they were all recent so i guess you're still into it but it looked like a legitimate party every time like the kind that you can only have once a week yeah since the last uh the the last episode that's where we kind of like even a month before i was like we're not going to switch it up just yet we'll wait for the last episode like we even like got together we're like yo let's fucking party on epic mealtime again like once it gets you're like regardless let's not think about production so hard let's not think about this or that like let's have a good time doing it the production looked good though we pulled the trigger oh yeah all men everyone who produces epic mealtime now all the guys in it are like i remember at the beginning like like i directed i edited i produced and like i showed you guys made epic mealtime like on my

kitchen table over there yeah exactly like i would edit them and shit like and then i went ahead and like show you know dave how to edit and and film and then he went ahead and now he's like a fucking sick cameraman he knows how to use like every editing software after like he's so far past me and then he trained let me know and amir and they're better than me now and now it's just like i'm fucking i'm a fucking show pony i come out and i'm like deputy bacon and like everyone else is cooking making it look fucking awesome and i'm the one that you know i'm the one that's like upstairs bitter as fuck like i hear like like girls laughing downstairs bacon frying and i'm on the phone i'm like uh yeah okay okay i'm fucking saying they're typing up emails I'm like I have to

type the emails who else will type the emails and I'm like I'm fucking I'm the lame boss like that's what I've become it just happens like you run it like that's just it you get like people to do the cool shit so that

you can start to put people in places to do more cool shit so the cool shit is cooler but then you find yourself like you know like you know I like going downstairs I'm like yo Dave I'm like let me let me get all up in this cut with you and he's like okay you know and like we'll sit down just for old-school sake but you know you just it's so funny how much of a business it becomes I hear you so now you just delegate the fun shit while you do all the real business by yourself. Yeah, I do real business.

And then I thought I actually started doing daily vlogs, which is something that earlier on speaking in the thin veneer of the 2011 YouTube scene, I was always like, I can't vlog. I'm like, if I vlog, I got into everything because I wanted to be an actor. If I vlog, I'm not going to be able to act. People act people are gonna look and be like this fucking guy filming himself eating a bowl of cereal this is not entertaining but then i got to a point where i'm like you know what i look at vlog and i'm like youtube is the only place where you can get this you know what i mean dude i don't like to get this i kind of like of all the personalities on all of youtube like it

i don't know how big your channel is i'm to call it like the 75th biggest or something like that. But I would think that you'd be more likely to make the transition in television than PewDiePie is. Like, more likely than Jenna Marvel is. More likely than all the, like, you're the guy. In the gaming community, there was this guy named El Presidor, who's not my favorite guy. But he did this commentary where um uh he was like all these other people they might be getting views on youtube but i'm the guy who's making it to television and it stuck in my head i was like maybe right like because of the way he was so outsized personality it was like huh yeah i bet they don't pick people based on sub counts. Did he make it? No, no.

So just for, he uploaded a video or he was part of a video with another guy where he said that my son was a fucking faggot that jerked off dogs. And, uh, so I'm watching his vlogs. Yeah. I'm watching his vlogs and, uh, and he's like, oh my God, thank god my car is working again because i could never afford to fix my transmission and i'm like fuck you suck a dick you poor person what did you do for him to get that mad at colin because that's a pretty brutal thing to say yeah he's just a hater very creative though yeah he's just a hater remind me creative, though. Yeah. He's just a hater. Wait, is it... Remind me, because I get people mixed up.

Is he the same one who didn't actually know who you were when it came down to it? No, no, that was Fisticuffs. Yeah, there was another guy who hated Woody, and when he described Woody's appearance, it wasn't even Woody. And he's like, well, you were at this event. He's like, no, I wasn't. Like, he literally didn't know what Woody looked like.

Like, he was making fun of what he looks like and he couldn't pick him out of a fucking lineup. It's the most ridiculous hate. Dude, I have had more haters on YouTube than anyone else in gaming that I can think of. And I don't know how I earned that, but I guess I did. But Merkur was talking about that guy

who had a series of six videos all talking about the evils and how they know the true me. But that guy is would like a series of six videos all talking about the evils and how they know the true me and uh like but that guy is one of a dozen people who just like devoted their channels to trying to take me down and jesus did that like obviously jesus yeah death throws before he got you know removed from youtube every video was about how you were a child molester and that your kids were just horrific little demons and exploiting everything. Yeah, you have earned a lot of – not earned a lot of it, but you've gotten a lot of it. So much.

So much. Yeah. Yeah, obviously, I don't know what he's doing nowadays. I remember he was like borderline suicidal. He put up this video asking for money because he thought if he was on a vacation in Europe that it would fix everything. And yeah. Didn't Wings send him like 10 bucks or something? I think there's controversy over that.

I think Wings sent him some money and Wings justification was like, hey, man, let's give him some money. Get him the fuck out of here. Wings made a tweet or video or something showing his PayPal donation to the guy, which to me felt like a betrayal. But obviously Jesus said he never received that money and that apparently he just like started the PayPal transaction and didn't finish it. I don't actually, I don't know what the truth is. I only wings and OJ know.

So knowing now that wings simply lied about sending, obviously maybe, I don't know. I don't know. Oh, well, most according to OJ. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. According to him, we can't hold it against wings any more than we can. His, his, according to him. OJ, yeah. Yeah, yeah, according to him. I guess we can't hold it against Wings any more than we can his... What was he drinking instead of vodka that night? Like, we did a drinking episode, and, like, I like to drink at a party, but, like, sitting here, I don't want to get blasted. Like, I hate it.

I really do, and we're just suffering through these drinks. I don't even remember what we had. It was something I didn't want. I didn't want to be drinking what I was drinking, but I did it for the show. And Wings is over there with this big... What did he have a bottle of? It was something I didn't want. I didn't want to be drinking what I was drinking, but I did it for the show. And Wings is over there with this big vodka. What did he have a bottle of? It was vodka, right? It was a bottle of Dr. McGillicuddy's schnapps.

No, it wasn't. It was full of fucking sugar water or Splenda or something like that. It was Crystal Light. He's sipping on iced tea over there all night. But no, he wasn't. He was chugging it, right? So it was in a schnapps bottle or something. And the drink was like fuchsia or like a bright pink of some sort.

And I'm like, oh, my God. Now, Wings doesn't know anything about drinking, right? Like he doesn't – he never grew up drinking. Like he doesn't know his limits or what? No, like he doesn't even – He's never done anything. He's never had beer. He's never had alcohol.

So he just went out and bought it seemingly like this really strong, like not a starter drink. And he's drinking straight out of the bottle. Yeah, he's drinking straight out of the bottle, but he's like tipping the bottle, glug, glug, glug, and putting it down. Like an old cowboy. But it's crystal light. And, you know, two hours into the show, he's napping.

Like just out cold. And it was all acting. and we didn't know he fooled me yeah he's full of he came out on top he only had to do half a show and everybody was patting him on the back for it but really he was a nice nap enjoying his favorite tea now when Taylor does a drinking episode that

shit's legit I learned a while back I'm like I just know now like now that it's been five years of this shit that getting fucked up and just like you know doing something live i'm like oh no i look back at some of the things that i've done and i'm literally like oh my god that's there forever there's one like i'm at like the mass effect uh midnight release and i'm fucked up in line i'm like wasted i just came from dinner and i'm drinking i'm at like the mass effect uh midnight release and i'm fucked up in line i'm like wasted i just came from dinner and i'm drinking i'm getting wasted i'm like mass effects coming out one of my favorite games i'm waiting in line and it happened to be because i lived in hollywood

the one where the mass effect creators were live streaming and the guy like walks down and he's like you guys excited for mass effect and you hear my drunk ass like, fuck yeah, bitch. And the guy doesn't like know me or anything. He walks over and he's like, hey, he's like, so what are you most excited for in Mass Effect? And he gives you the mic. I'm like, I'm looking forward to getting blowjobs from that blue beard. And he's like, oh, okay, that guy smells like alcohol. And I look back at it and I like it's first of all it's

funny to me but i'm also like a part of me inside is i'm like how could you go out like that yeah and i got fucked up like i got fucked up on a twitch stream about a couple months ago and i like woke up and i was like i like into the computer my is it still on i'm like turn it off and i'm like looking around and i'm like so like I'm not ready for this. I like reload up the stream. And I'm like, you know, like I'm in the stream. And I'm like so fucking wasted drinking Jameson. And I'm like saying the dumbest things that I think are funny.

And I'm not even looking at the chat. And then I'm like, yo, guys. I'm like, I'll be right back. And then I like I'm gone for 12 minutes. And then I come back and I'm like, yo, guys. I'm like, I'll be right back. And then I, like, I'm gone for 12 minutes. And then I come back and I'm like, ah. And I'm like, I did all this? I'm, like, deleting the stream? I'm like, that's too crazy.

And I'm like, every time I get fucked up on stream, I, like, it basically, like, I awaken, like, you know, fucking. You wake up with that feeling of, oh no like yeah i like a week in the 2010 sauce boss and like my eyes go fucking i'm just like i get in this zone i'm always like all right i can't get fucked up in in public also like i i used to like go on to these like rap battle shows where like people would rap battle it's really interesting actually shout out to king of the dot and i would go and I would host some of them where you just stand there and watch the battle but I would get fucked up while doing it

and they would always go on YouTube and I'd watch as like the first one I'm like sick battle. And by the end of it, I'm like. And I just happen to make for an ugly drunk too like a loud obnoxious, like all my worst qualities come out. I haven't had a drink in like 10 months by the way.

Not, you know what? It's making it sound like I'm an alcoholic and I made a change in my life. It's not all my worst qualities come out. I haven't had a drink in like 10 months, by the way. You know what? It's making it sound like I'm an alcoholic and I made a change in my life. It's not like it. I was just like, oh, yeah, I'm just going to stop drinking for a bit. So, you know, we had a drink in the last – like I broke that on the five-year anniversary episode. I like fucking swigged Jack Daniels hard at the beginning. And like other than that, like I go out at night and I'm like, oh, people are like, other than that, like, I don't,

like I go out at night and I'm like, oh, people are like, drink. I'm like, oh no, thank you. I'm not working. It's like, all the time I'll shoot anything. It's like at work. Like when I'm out, I'm like, no, I'm not getting drunk. I'm out having a good time.

You know, like, what am I going to drink for now? Ah, you're getting older. Welcome to the club. I'm 30. So you were talking about, you're talking about games. What games're excited about because what black ops does black ops come out tonight yeah literally midnight in a few hours hour or something the live streams have started every time black ops is brought up like my blood boils at the thought of me not being in the black ops commercial and you being in it i'm always like that's the fucking sickest game i think about that all the time like i was so happy about that

one i was somewhere i forget where i was on the black ops commercial i'm like oh that's chill and then i see this girl i'm like is that i justine i'm like nah and then like it keeps going and then i'm like what i get a call too what dude that thing was and then fucking'm like, what? I was like, what? I get a call too. What the fuck? Dude, that thing was... And then fucking Robert Downey Jr. kills you and I'm just like, man, fuck Kyle. I gotta give the credit to Kitty for getting that

negotiation done and jumping through all those hurdles because there was lots of complications in getting that thing done. There was one thing, we thought the video was done and, like, we figured out the money and everything and figured out me not joining the Screen Actors Guild or something. The union. I had to join a union and all this bullshit, and I didn't want to do it. So I was like, fuck it, just don't pay me and pay the fines. They had to pay, like, a $50,000 fine to get me into the thing, and I just didn't take any pay

because I just wanted to be in the damn thing. You didn't get paid pay because I just wanted to be in the damn thing for that now well they used my My 50 grand to pay the fine that they had to pay for using non-union labor on there What was your motivation for staying out of the street? But the fine is only $1,500 What so so and then the other thing that happened that popped up they were like So, and then the other thing that happened that popped up, they were like, they said, oh, well, they've discovered that you have a Call of Duty hate video on your channel. And now they're really turned off about the whole thing. And I was like, what are you talking about?

And I have this video where I destroy Modern Warfare 2, like many of us made. Like, it wasn't a popular Call of Duty, so I took it out and shot it with some guns and stuff. And they were like, oh, they don't like this Call of Duty hate video. They don't think you're a real Call of Duty player, they don't think you like the game. And I was like, quick, screenshot all of my times played on Call of Duty 4, fucking World at War, Modern Warfare 2, and send that shit over to them. And immediately they went, oh, okay, cool.

It's hundreds of days played in these games, and when they saw that they realized that I did love the game, that it was just a joke. I had a deal with Wendy's, and they were like, yeah, we're super excited, but you have this post up on your website where you

on like an Epic Mealtime blog where you're saying Wendy is a dirty little slut and you're saying all these things I'm like I'll delete it but I'm like I have a blog and I went to the website

I'm like oh shit I completely forgot we used to like write articles and stuff and I'm like damn I'm like looking at this one it was like I was going in hard on Wendy's I'm like I'm surprised they We used to like write articles out and stuff. I'm like, damn. I'm like looking at this one. It was like I was going in hard on Wendy's. I'm like, I still want to do it. I actually did a deal where I sold my beard. And we were actually going to do it with this other guy. And he said some like fucking crazy ass shit on his Facebook fan page.

And they're like, yeah. They're like, so, yeah, he's out. And I'm like, shit, he doesn't even know. You know, I'm like sometimes people like you don't even know you do something. And it's like you don't know the deal that could have been that never came knocking at your door or something like that, you know, for something as little as like, oh, shit, I'll just go delete that post. Or no, don't you know, I'm a huge Call of Duty fan. So that's the trickiest part is like you still there's still like as much as we could play like, oh, I don't give a fuck. There's still an amount of, you know know being conscious of what you put out there you know you're probably

good at this i i never know what i'm worth when i go and i once went to i think it was vidcon and i went to a harley seminar and i sat down and i was like harley how do you know how much you're worth and i'm like sometimes i don't know if me mentioning something is worth 500, 5,000, 50,000. What should a thing cost? And you're like, I just ask for all the money. How much money? All of it. I want all of your money.

That's what you told me. And it was good. And it was definitely funny, but I didn't know how to use it. Yeah. That's not like, that's so funny. Cause like back then, like I'd be in character

for those things so you couldn't get anything useful out of me because i was like oh what do you i'm like you just fuck it you know like a real thing so like you know i mean now still like you think about what you're worth like the thing is like like i don't you know i've gotten paid to do an instagram post before and i'm like damn i'm like you get paid this to like you know an instagram post because i have 300 000 followers i'm like that's so cool i'm like wow that's crazy but then a year and a half later it's like why am i still getting paid the same amount even though i have like 550 000 followers on instagram now shouldn't i get paid more but at the same time i'm just posting a fucking picture how could

i even ask for more than, you know, whatever? You always stop and think. And the one thing that always, you know, before Epic Meal Time, like I was a teacher. You know what I mean? I did. It was one year of work Monday to Friday with fucking crazy kids. They were actually awesome kids. I was lucky.

But, you know, Monday to Friday and I'm like at the end of the year, like, you know, you make $35,000. know monday to friday and i'm like at the end of the year like you know you make 35 000 and so when i put that in perspective to everything i do i'm always like well i should be happy that they want to give me a hundred bucks to suck all their dicks yeah i should be happy about this i you know you never stop and then get like because you almost feel like a diva when you're like i should i should get more because you're already a part of – well, a part of me personally is already like, well, that's kind of a lot for that to post a fucking picture. It's like nothing. But then you think about – it's a tricky thing. What your worth is is definitely something that I think even people don't know now.

That's what makes this place and this job so exciting is people don't know. I have people quote me one thing and then other people literally it'll be like 10 times more. And I'm like, you guys are asking for the same thing and you're on completely different pages. I'm doing both, but still. It depends which industry you're working with too. Like if you're working with movies and game developers,

then it's one ballpark. If you're dealing with somebody who makes a product like a flashlight or something or a firearm, you're in another category. It's all different. Like you said say it can be tenfold sometimes you know one guy wants to pay a million for something and one guy wants to pay a thousand for something and they're virtually the same which is why I'm starting up my makeup channel if I thought I could make a cosmetics channel right now and just get 250,000 subscribers. I'd end it all

I Became I would I would I would change genders immediately So I'd be I'd be I'd be a millionaire ten times over by the every episode is gonna look like one of those my boyfriend Does my makeup? CPMs are so fucking high the product placement is so like perfect because like your whole Perfect. It's like yo look what I bought at the mall and you like dump a background on your bed and you're like ta-da! And like that's the video it gets three million views. It's built-in advertising because the people watching you apply makeup want to know what kind of makeup you're using.

They're hungry to learn about new types of cosmetics. You know what's huge now too? Kids toys. Oh yeah, I've heard that. Yeah, those guys. Yeah. They're hungry to learn about new types of cosmetics. You know what's huge now too? Kids toys. Oh, yeah. I've heard that. Yeah, those guys. Yeah. You know what? So – DC toys getting like 35 million views.

It's like a fucking five-year-old on daddy's iPad like boop. Dude, you're right. And – Every fucking day. And like advertisers are like pumping commercials and that shit like it was Saturday morning cartoons. You know what I mean? People gave me so much. I used to do a series where I put things in microwaves and microwaved them.

And it was like things that would – I did shotgun shells, bullets. I did spray paint cans. A lot of times there would be fires and stuff coming out of it. And my daughter Hope and I would do like the setup. Like, oh, this time we're doing CO2 cartridges. And people acted like I was the devil. But when I see these 12-year-olds doing product

reviews and such, and it's professionally done, it's like, these are real child actors. I guess it's not bad. I don't know what to make of it, but it's definitely... Someone's pulling the strings there. I was thinking, like, DC Toys is like a woman's hands.

And it's just her hands like opening up like little toys. It's like a trip and it has like 28 million views. And sometimes like I look at some videos and like, you know what? One thing I rarely, rarely, rarely ever do is I never go and I'll never look at another YouTuber. And I'll be like, shit, content, you're garbage. You know, I'm always like I'll never look at another YouTuber and I'll be like, shit content, you're garbage. You know, I'm always like, I look at it. If I don't like it, I'm like, maybe I'm too old. Like that's where I got to. I got to that point where I'm like, I look at it and I'm like, this isn't shit. Just whatever is good and whatever is shit to me doesn't matter anymore.

There's a new standard or whatever. But like, I look at some videos and it's not like i i i bash the art of it or whatever i'm just always like how the fuck does this like uh i know it's like a pewdiepie effect like i tried and i realize it's for younger people but i also feel the way you do where it's like how the fuck is this as big as it is imagine me pie i gotta say pewdiepie check out uh youtube academy it's the first thing i've ever watched of hit or i was like this is hilarious like it's it was like he has like three episodes and i'm like this is i'm like i love this i'm like this is funny to me i'm like look at me i'm like i'm fucking i'm fucking hip i'm like watching a pewdiepie video and enjoying myself like i'm fucking I get the kids these days.

But his YouTube Academy ones are good. And also he did a couple of vlogs and his vlogs were really funny also. I like PewDiePie the guy. I don't know him. But based on what I've seen, like his Vanity Fair interviews and some of the times when he talks about money or he did a video about turning off comments and stuff. And I like that stuff a lot. His mainstream content that everybody likes i and i i don't hate it at all just like you i just say i'm not his demo i bet if pewdiepie

would have somehow run across this he'd be like yeah that's a 42 year old dad like it's not my demo you know yeah it's it is what it is and a perfect example also is like uh you know like i find roman atwood vlogs very interesting he has one that he did like this past summer where he's like yo it's a 360 degree vlog you know check it out you know i saw that it has 15 million views and like i look at that and i'm like oh my god like you put up a fucking 360 video camera in the middle of your living room and you got 15 million views. That's like what I got paid as a teacher working full time and you fucking post it up in your living room. I look at stuff like that and I'm like, oh, my God. Like, you know, top Viners, some serious knowledge. Yeah, they make a ton, don't they?

A top Viners integrated Vine can sell for $70,000 to $100,000. So, like, you see your favorite vine or he's like but at best smarties that six seconds was 80k in his pocket and maybe he paid like a couple other viners a thousand to five thousand to revine it just to pump it up a bit but like that's ultimately like he's netting you know what i made a full year as a teacher in like one six second video like shooting smarties in his mouth or whatever the money's just the money can be crazy i have um you mentioned teachers i have a couple relatives who are teachers and uh it often sinks home with me like like usually i don't make it in a thing

but i'll have like a weekend or something that's like ah shit this weekend was a teacher's annual salary like that's that's crazy it is it's a wild thing and that's what always puts things in perspective for me and I also you know I work uh very close with you know my brother's my partner and he's not on the show and he's got a family so like it's it's like all very grounding like i'm fortunate in the sense that i'm like man if epic mealtime blew up for me two years before even i'd be a fucking idiot i would have been such a moron you know i'm kind of lucky where it happened to me in my life and you know i kind of surround myself with good people so it all ends up all in all being a good thing but you know i always think about how close I could have been to fucking this up.

Dude, in the gaming community, there are a lot of people who you see just blow money on like amazing cars or drugs or, you know, and it's yeah, it's like these guys got too rich too early in their life and now it's gone. rich too early in their life and now it's gone and and i think they'll look back forever and be like wow now i have a 30-year mortgage on a 250 000 house that i pay off month after month after month i shuffle money around it's like so hard whereas i made 250 in two months you know back in the day and now i'm spending a lifetime those stories are like legitimately sad of those people who were like all- stars when we first started getting paid for Machinima with our not great CPMs but half decent and they were huge. Making like

$30,000 a week and now you go to their channel and it's like they're getting 7,000 views a video. They've lost everything and every video is like a 10 minute long segment of how they're going to get back on track with uploading and like hey just coming Back to you know this time's for real. I got plans

about X jaws You just described. There's a couple more, but yeah But I thought you're thinking of that one I ran into him actually not too long ago, and but didn't just stop? Wasn't he like, yo, I'm out. I'm out of the game. I don't want to do this anymore. I want to work behind the scenes on stuff. There's more to it than that.

Kyle knows the whole story. I'm sure what he does too. I don't want to throw his business all out there, but he tried to do other things. He tried to make money. I know he was doing a thing where he was trying to represent real celebrities like Bieber and other rappers and stuff on social media. Be like a social media advisor, if you will, or something like that. Oh, Soulja Boy. I met him.

Yeah, I would go to Soulja Boy's house and he would be there sometimes. Ah, wow. And, you know, I think what I think is – What a weird thing. I'd see him there. Right? I wasn't like, what are you doing here? It was kind of like, I was't like what are you doing here it was like a kind of like i was like what are we doing here i actually for the life of me cannot remember why i was at

soldier boy's house that's okay neither can sam so things you know and he's and sam's like 10 years younger than us even like so so like he he was just way too young to be sucked into that and i i think it you know the the vices got the better of him and he got a little out there uh it started getting into some some nonsense and he really got a little loopy there at the end i'm sure he's fine now i bet he's gotten backgrounded and he's i saw him not too long ago he looked great he looked very healthy and everything that's good not anything that i could say i don't you know i i don't know i forget where i saw him recently but it was in the last like two months but you know i have this

thing like i see people uh going and going on their social media their youtube whatever and being like yeah you know i'm out the game blah blah or i'm gonna do this that and i like you know not anyone specific but i have a general thought of many people and this was something that like I remember watching YouTube in you know 2006 2007 2008 like so early and watching and I'd be like man people watch this you can get that that's so crazy and I did like so many channels before epic mealtime and then when epic mealtime happened I was so like I'm like I'm gonna cherish this thing this thing is so valuable and this number of subscribers not in a competitive manner is important to me in the sense that these are all the people that have clicked for me. Like I got to give them something. And I'm so lucky that this many people ever once or want to

or that there's a percentage of this people that still or anything, I'm just going to cherish it. And when I see people like, you know, be like, oh, yeah, yeah I'm done with YouTube I'm kind of like how could you you know or even even someone on Vine if they're not doing their Vine I'm like how could you like so many people do you know how lucky you are that you have this and how many there's like like there's you know you have you know x million followers subscribers or whatever or likes and you know there's 10 times million more people that want what you have and like you have it. And so to change up, it's like, whatever you're doing, I almost feel like if you've made the commitment to social media, whatever you're doing or wherever

you're going to go in your life, like bring them with you, let them see, let them do whatever, you know, like I was thinking of that girl who just, you know, her Instagram, she came out and she was like, yeah, this picture, I took it a thousand times to make sure it looked good. You know what I'm talking about? That girl, she deleted her Instagram and stuff. Oh, there was this girl. I had never heard of her, but she was an influencer on Instagram with like 600,000 followers. And she was like, I'm deleting my YouTube and all my blah, blah, blah.

And she deleted her Snapchat and everything. And she has all these subscribers and everything. And then she went back on all her Instagram photos and changed the caption to be like where it was like day at the beach. She changed it to like I took 100 pictures this day making sure my stomach looked perfect and the insecurities that it gave me and blah, blah. And she was kind of like social media is the devil. So like passive aggressive. I don't think so. Trying to get attention because she brought it all back in the end and made a bunch of money.

I've heard that story, right? Yeah, yeah. Well, so what happened, yeah, was yesterday she ended up doing this thing being like, yeah, so I'm out of social media. But, you know, my real life costs money. So, like, can you guys send me money so I don't have to go back to being – to doing social media type thing? And then it made everything else look kind of weird. But this other YouTuber I know, I read an article. His name is OutbackZack. He used to make videos. He does other shit now. weird but this this other youtuber i know uh i still read an article his name's uh outback zach

he used to make videos he does other shit now but he put up this he made this comment being like no social media isn't a lie he's like you just lied on it he's like you didn't have to take 100 pictures you chose to do that whatever you choose to do that's what it is you know he's like social media is whatever you make it so whatever your problem with it is like that's how you handle it how clever i had i saw that and i was like it is, like, that's how you handle it. How clever. Yeah, and I saw that and I was like, it's true. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I, like, you know, I played a character on social media for, like, three years of my life.

You know what I mean? Even now, like, I'm kind of like a, sometimes a quasi type thing. But, I mean, yeah. So, you talked about the value of it. One of the things I take a lot of value in, it's not monetizable, but a lot of the videos on my channel were life advice type stuff. And some of it was not important, like friend zone or whatever. And some other parts of it were about ambition, discipline, work ethic. And a lot of masturbation and penis. That was like 70% of it. That's not true, but it is kind of true.

and penis that was like 70 of it that's not true but it is kind of true here i'll touch on that in a second but um a lot of it you know like toxic friends is a big thing right you know these guys in high school they hang out with friends but the friends are mean to them and how to deal with situations like that loneliness depression suicides you know scared of surgeries coming up and and um um you know people whose parents were not good parents and how to cope with that. And now it's like the rewards start rolling in. People write me on Reddit literally every day, sometimes several times a day, thanking me for advice that I gave them that had some sort of impact on them. And, you know, I reply to most of them, but it means more to me than you might guess. Like, oh, wow, I feel like, you know, obviously I didn't change the world or anything, but in that little bit, I nudged it, you know, in a positive direction.

I relate to that. I was a high school teacher and, you know, the first class I ever substituted for in the seventh grade was the class I watched graduate when I first taught as a real teacher. And so watching kids go through high school, and that's pretty much what i saw was just one rotation until epic mealtime happened but like that fulfillment it's like a really strong sense and i almost feel like what you're doing is even deeper because it was like a stranger and you kind of just send the message out there and then a stranger hits you back you know what i mean yeah i like meeting i like meeting people who know me in like completely

random places and just sizing them up engaging who they think i am um because it it varies dramatically we we were i just flew back from texas the other day and i was in the airport in san antonio and uh and me and uh chad who who works on a gun channel called a rack veteran 8888 uh he gets recognized and the four eights yeah and that's four of them uh he gets recognized on the way to the bathroom and and as the guy recognizes him and he stops the guy also like catches me and recognizes me so i go and piss and come back out and we're talking this guy and everything and i don't remember what came up but chad says to him you know he's like but you know it's the internet he's like don't believe everything you read and i was like but seriously though i am expats nas i killed a lot of fucking surgeons

i took ears scalps whatever it took we ran a war of terror over there my friend and he goes telling you now in this terminal yeah yeah i'm just standing out here in the airport and he goes oh okay then all right yeah yeah yeah and i'm just standing out here in the airport, and he goes, oh, okay then, alright, yeah, yeah, yeah, and I'm just like, dude, I'm just fucking with you, I'm just fucking with you. He's just like, oh, okay, well, you know, nice meeting you both. I still think he believes that I'm ex-spetsnaz, and I have, like, Serbian ears somewhere on a necklace right now. He told his friends about that, where he was like, yeah, then he said he, you know, has a bunch of ears, and then he told me he wasn't really spetsnaz, but that's what someone in spetsnaz would say Choose your own adventures He was just he was so freaked the fuck out. I was like my

So I could see how I was thinking too. Yeah That's what I was thinking too. Yeah. You probably started looking at me with a little partial smile and then you just meat-mugged him for a second and continued with your tail. Oh, I did. I totally did.

When I got to the Serbian part, I was like, I've got a lot of Serbians. Harley, what do you got? Is TV in your future? What's up with that? So I did this show, Epic Meal Empire,

which is, I fucking love it. It's the show that, you know, Epic Meal Time, basically reality show, but it's like a tongue in cheek. Like we know we're in a reality show. Like we kind of like, we literally beat for beat completely ripped off a Duck Dynasty episode. It's like one where like he goes back and he's like, what's going on with the duck calls?

And like, they have a debate like, oh, it's the shipping. It's the packing. So I have one where I come back and I'm like, what's going on with the bacon shirts? No, it's the shipping. It's the packing. I'm like, oh, yeah. And I'm like – I go through and at the end of it, I'm like, you think the Romans ever had a problem with the blah, blah, blah? Or you think those guys who make the duck whistles ever had a problem?

And one of the guys is like, well, actually actually there was that one episode where i'm like shut up it was like a reality show but we made fun of how it was a reality show um we did 17 episodes so we did two seasons and they uh they it's now airing on comedy central in the uk but in the US it was on this channel FYI and they have uh at the time they had a mostly like middle-aged female demographic so it's like the exact opposite of anyone that would ever give a fuck about Epic Meal Time it was like you'd watch like Love at First Sight and then right after I'm like oh Jack Daniels mentioned this. It's kind of like, who's it for? But then I did – I filmed a pilot with them. I probably can't say exactly what the details are, but it's like a food travel show to an extent.

And now we're in the talks of that because they didn't want another Epic Meal Empire or at least it's on standby. Who knows? But they did want to do another food show so i did that pilot and i really liked working with fyi because they they let me you know own my shit and you know they gave me a lot of control and stuff like that and that's why i'm really proud of epic meal empire like regardless of what happens at the show like i look back at epic meal empire i'm like it's just fucking hilarious uh you know you should go pirate that shit if you guys haven't seen it. It might be on iTunes if you want to flip your boy like 10 bucks or whatever.

I don't know. But yeah, like I really like – I really liked it. It was cool and the TV creation process is like a scary one because at every corner, it's like you make a wrong turn, make a wrong move, fucked up. A huge corporation owns your channel now. It's not even a joke. You've got to be protective a little bit of your stuff and your brand and everything you're doing because in our case, what we're doing exists before we do whatever

else we want to do. Every time I do something, I want to carve out epic mealtime. I also want to carve myself out. I've been doing daily vlogs lately. I don't want that to end up the property of something else or I don't want to be able I don't want to be like Censored the most I was ever censored was I did a brand deal with Schick and they shaved my beard and

It was the I couldn't show my face for a month And it was the month that like periscope came out and Meerkat. And it was my first. It was like my second month with my Twitch channel. Shik, that was the one where there was a line. I like to think the world isn't losing a beard. They're gaining a face. Is this the one?

Am I on this? Yeah, exactly. Okay. I thought that was a different company. But anyway, carry on. No, yeah, it was Shik. And, yeah, that's sick. And yeah, I was like Twitch streaming at the time and like I couldn't show my face.

And people were like, where is your – I'm like, I can't. I don't. There's no – it's not happening. And like my Instagram, like I banked up like a month worth of photos and stuff. And we filmed like epic mealtime. And we filmed like epic meal time. And even on epic meal time, like I had my beard and we filmed like two months worth of episodes, shaved my beard. And so when I got back to filming epic meal time, my beard had already started to come back for the most part. So it wasn't like there was a bald-faced episode.

But I don't even know how I got sidetracked so quickly. It would be awesome if you did the Mr. Wilson home improvement tool time. Hey, neighbor. For my streams, I thought about just putting my face down there, but all it needed was one quick like this. You just lost all your money. Why did they care about shaving your beard?

Because the big reveal was we shaved this beard. Here's the video. You didn't know about it until now. And so all the press would be attached to that video. Ah. Yeah. But so like I mean you want to have control in those senses and like when you get into bed with like a big TV corporation, it's really easy for them to take that type of stuff from you. To be like you can't do – like if your tv show is doing something with taco bell then your

internet show can't do something with mcdonald's like that's a problem if you're losing on a mcdonald's deal that technically might be bigger than 10 episodes of a tv show you know it's i've i've seen a lot of contracts where like when i read it it looks like they own your whole channel and your whole everything and they're like that's the first draft. That's what every first draft looks like. It's like, hey, sign here. Your soul is included and we will need some blood to ink this out. And I push back and I'm like, it says here that it owns everything and everything. And they're like, oh, no, no. That's just within the context of this project.

If you look at the top, there's something or whatever. I'm like, this seems – can we get some clarity around this language? Because – That's one way to interpret it yeah we own your soul yeah yeah i think you would catch that yeah and it's like i and oh here's i remember so in the gaming community especially there used to be a big thing like you're stupid read your contract like i i don't think i'm stupid i throw around the degree thing a lot right i have two college degrees and a master's.

And I can still miss a lot of stuff in this contract. I'm literate. And even people who are literate need help reading a contract sometimes. They're intentionally tricky. And Kitty used to help me. I'd take it and I'd pass it to her and just get a second set of eyes to look for all the gotchas they put in it. Because it seems like they're just playing dirty pool like it's it's a tactic they use it's lawyers that like write contracts from what i gathered of it is they're trying to write a sentence

that means something that you don't want but they have to write the sentence in a way that you won't really think about what it's saying and and And a lawyer could look at it one way and another lawyer could look at it another way. And it's really crazy. That's the point of it. I always say, I mean, people talk to me like, oh yeah, this, that, this. I'm like, yeah, here's my advice, blah, blah, blah.

I'm like, but ultimately, in your scenario, just go see a lawyer for sure. Yeah. You just have to. The big lesson I learned, it wasn't big dollars, Game Dunzo. I don't know if you, probably some of you have heard of Game Dunzo. Oh, I remember that.

They had this thing where they had dedicated servers for Call of Duty. And basically, one of the people in the lobby would be a bot, and that bot was in a data center with great bandwidth in the middle of the internet interchanges and whatever. So I think the number – it was either 750 and 1500 or 1500 and 3000 depending on if i delivered half of it or all of it and uh the language around what it took to deliver all of it was really fishy so i had him explain it to me orally and i was like oh okay all right now i get it first month they're like nope you get the lower number and i'm like really what yeah yeah you didn't do this and like but that's not what you said oh sure it is all right fine second month deliver no that's a halfer you know because uh this and that i'm like no you explained it like

don't you remember when you said this this and this and you know how sometimes you can repeat back like a sentence word for word he had no had no memory of that. Like third month comes along and I'm like, all right, now we know, right? There's no question about this anymore. This is the third time we're doing this. And he's like, Woody, bro, we're friends here. Why are you turning the screws on me? Like, motherfucker, you know, because we're not friends. We're business like associates.

You hired me to do a thing. I've done a few three months in a row now and you keep trying to half pay me. How many months did you stay with them? Three. It's actually a big thing I've noticed like in the sense of like YouTube creators and people that I talk to. And I guess maybe I'm just fortunate to be a shrewd guy. It's probably because I'm a hook nose thieving Jew. But anyways, so what'll happen is

i'll i'll like talk to people and they'll be like yeah like this guy said that and i'm like this guy said that they're like yeah because like you know he's my manager and he said i'm like no i'm like that guy is not your manager i'm like that guy is an employee of so and so and so and so has this relationship with you you have to understand like this guy is concerned about his shit and your shit i mean like your shit is his shit and he wants your shit to be this so he's gonna give you this and that but that's not because he's advising you he's patting his wallet i'm like you have to understand like you know people can approach you and be like yeah i'm your manager and i'm yeah, you're not my fucking manager.

I know. I'm like, my mom's my manager. I'm like, you're fucking trying to. The best way to avoid all these problems is to just never get popular enough that people care. Just stay in that lowest level of popularity. Just coast. One thing that I learned that served me well is you have to look at people's motivations and then that can drive how suspicious you need to be, right? So like your mom, of course,

she's motivated through love and whatever. If you had an outside person who was your agent and all of his earnings were a percentage of yours, then his motivation is, of course, to make that pie as large as he can so that his piece is as large as it will be. But if you're like buying a house, something I did not long ago, it's like this real estate agent, his goal is to close a house with as little effort as possible, right? He's not trying to get it as cheap. He's just trying to close. When your real estate agent hires your home inspector, he's hiring a home inspector that is a yes man, right? That guy's not trying to check your house out thoroughly.

If he breaks a couple deals with this real estate agent, then he'll stop hiring him. And you just have to look at where the motivations and alliances are lined up. And then you know how suspicious you have to be. All right. So we got on this whole tangent by me asking Harley, what games are he going to play that are about to come out? Because I mentioned that was an hour ago black ops is coming out purchase that tomorrow or download

tonight and play it tomorrow and fallout 4 is coming out that's another big one people are excited it's five days yes you want to play some battlefront together I hope it's not curse words we don't do that on the show um i think this is all i can say um i've played fallout oh i don't think i could say anything else because we might assume you're excited about that one um one i don't know yeah oh i mean i'm like i i am eagerly anticipating like the monday before where i could start to stream and stuff like that because i don't know fallout is i always loved it i always like those type of games they're always so awesome so fallout 4 is important to me i have played the fuck out of metal gear 5 and i i like keep going back to it that game is I honestly think that game's gonna be a game of the year uh I'm I still want to play The Witcher 3 DLC but I I gotta say

like I mean Black Ops 3 is coming out and I get excited I always like I'm a gamer so like I get excited about the hype of a game anyways like I like when there's a wave coming by I'm always like yeah I'm on it but I don't know if I'm so eager for black ops yeah so I'm eager for black ops but I will say it's not the same like if you go back three years when black ops 3 is dropping then the excitement and hype of black ops just sucks all the oxygen out of the room. Every other game is an also-ran. Like, oh, Black Ops and Borderlands are dropping. Who gives a fuck about Borderlands? Even when Skyrim dropped, which in hindsight had great legs.

Like, Skyrim turned out to be a game people loved. But to me, you know, look, November is Black Ops month. I'm sorry, Call of Duty month. And no one cares about anything else. look, November is Black Ops month. I'm sorry, Call of Duty month, and no one cares about anything else. This time, I think there's a lot of people more excited about Fallout than COD.

Did you see the new commercial? The Fallout one? No, I saw both of those commercials. Oh, y'all know about Kevin? Yeah, you'll know about Kevin. That's a fucking sick-ass commercial. I really like that commercial. They're playing on the thing that everybody's a soldier or whatever,

and you've got the guy standing there. He's like, should we watch it? Because it's like two minutes. Sure. It's pretty entertaining. It's really sick. Yeah, I love it. I like it.

Yeah, I like the effects. I like everything. They make good commercials. I'm really only excited about zombies. Me too, yeah. I can imagine not playing multiple players. Yeah, Jeff Goldblum's in that, right? Yeah, he might be. They get good actors for zombies. Yeah, I donblum's in that, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They get good actors for zombies. Yeah, I don't recall who the rest of them are, but yeah. You know what's a turn off for me? And like I said, Metal Gear happened also. Metal Gear turned out to be one of my favorite games this year. It's a turn off that like it's also out on previous generation consoles. Yeah. Like that irks me so much.

You know it's holding it back to some extent well i look at i look at black ops and i'm like man like you know what i don't know and the case i could like pick this bone with call of duty real quick because i i could say a couple things like i am i am uh and it's not for anything i not comparing games. I'm just giving you context of me. They don't have anything to do with one another. I'm a huge Halo fanboy. I am a huge Battlefield fanboy. I think Modern Warfare is like,

was one of the sickest games on Xbox 360, hands down. I love World at War. When Black Ops came out, Black Ops always took the angle for me where I was like so intrigued by the story like I remember Black Ops was a Black Ops 2

where like horseback in like Afghanistan 1980 I'm like what a cool setting that's never been Africa they're running at you with machetes I'm like how fucking cool is that but now

like I'm looking at Call of Duty and I'm like man Call of Duty doesn't need fucking jetpacks. Call of Duty doesn't need ro- you know what Call of Duty needs? Call of Duty needs me and my friends to get in a fucking jeep together and drive. Call of Duty needs to have, like, it doesn't need walls that can break, but it needs, like, I'm kind of tired. And I guess because, you know, it's like one of these like majorly competitive games but call of duty is like every map is essentially a closed off area with nooks and crannies and it everyone so far every call of duty i've played gets to the point

where like it's so methodical that it's like go here and grenade there or aim down this alley because when it gets to the point these end up being the choke points and it always so repetitive whereas like i i will compare directly now where like as you know someone myself i really enjoy battlefield fucking crazy acts of god happen in battlefield and i know a tomahawk throw is on the same level but there's like a thousand things like that in battlefield guys jumping jumping out of jets, doing some of the crazy in RPG, jumping back into the jets. Yeah. Battlefield has crazy shit.

It does. The only reason it's not more popular than Call of Duty is because of the game speed. Like people like Call of Duty because they want to start the game and three seconds later be able to kill someone. If you've got five minutes to kill, you can be like, I'm going to squeeze in a game of free-for-all. And you'll knock it out. I guess that's true like you know another thing about it is like you know i always like i grew up playing halo a lot and people always were kind of like halo is a noob game it's so slow and like the characters you know because it used to run at 30 frames now it does 60 but like people like oh hey listen but i always found that like in call of

duty someone with an smg who's never played before can walk into a room and spray and pray and actually get three kills. That could happen. Yeah, that's possible. And they could be advanced players. One person who's never played Halo before cannot go into a room and spray and pray and get three kills. You know how many times I've played Halo with people and they'll play and they go, I'm like, how did I not get that kill?

And it's like, cause you gotta finish or your teammate has to finish. Like it's so. If I go up against a CSGO pro and I, you know, we play to like 15 kills or something, I'll probably. Nothing. 15 to nothing. That's what's gonna happen to me.

Yeah, yeah. And I have played against cod pros you know and i'll go like 5 and 15 yeah it's not 15 to nothing no no yeah i'll get my kills in and i remember um xcal did a commentary i forget what game he liked at the time this is years ago it was like friday night fights or something but it was a shooter and he's like i will kill that guy a hundred times out of a hundred because I'm better than him. In COD, that guy might win a third of the time. A third of the time. Yeah, something like that.

And you're right. Are you familiar with X-Cal? You ever see him play? He's this Asian dude from Texas. Not a lot of those. Not a lot of them. And so that means he doesn't have anybody to socialize with there in Texas. So all he does is become like the Edward Scissororhands of video games or something i don't know he's just

like a fucking freak at every game like take the hardest games that are out there like that ninja gayden game that game's so hard to play that like i tried to play it and i was like this is no fun this is like a challenge to even like do what is considered moving in this game like i couldn't walk down a corridor or whatever i had to be running on the walls and throwing shuriken this guy's a master at it he's like he's like the Bobby Fischer of video games he really is just a next level player at it's conceivably every game he touches but not real life in real life full X Cal I hope you see this you are a douchey douchebag like other douchebags look up to you.

What did he do to you? We're all big fans of you. You're just not a nice man. No, he's not cool at all. I think you're half. Why is he not a nice man? I never really watched his stuff. He's just a rude guy.

And he's just – he's not a kind person. I don't know what else to say. Like he's not a nice person. You know, I – like you're – I don't know anything about him and I don't know if you're going to like completely judge a person I've ever met what else to say. He's not a nice person. You know, I don't know anything about him, and I don't want to completely judge a person I've ever met for anything like that. But the way you describe him with the gaming and stuff, I'm a huge gamer, and I am blessed with social skills to an extent. And some of my best friends are gamers, and they're dickheads

because that's just like, that's just kind of like gamers tend to be like that. A lot of like my best friends are literally dickheads and it's not like they mean to be or they're trying to be, but like geeky nerdy people can just come off as like mean sometimes. I think he's a god in his circle, right?

Because he's so good at what he does. And that might have influenced the way that he's learned social skills, you know? And he just doesn't peer well and stuff. Yeah, I don't have anything against him. He's just always been mean and rude to me in every circumstance ever. Yeah. Or just dismissive, you know? Don't you feel like sometimes, especially like meeting you, it happens with me sometimes.

Don't you feel like sometimes, especially meeting you, it happens with me sometimes, is I'll meet someone and their guard will be up based on what they gather of me. This is like playing video games with him, though. This is like being in a Call of Duty lobby with the guy. Oh, I remember the one time I played with that guy, with Xcal. Was it in my lobby? It was like four years ago. No, it was me, Xcal, and maybe Blamedruth or someone was in there. We were playing zombies on Dare Ice. And Bl and blame truth was really nice and cool like the

whole time and I made the mistake of going down a couple times like right before I was getting drugged I was like oh shit and xcal just laid into me about how I was just awful and terrible and I shouldn't even be playing like why are you even here and it was like I played the game trying not to... I just was trying to not piss him off. Yeah, that was my whole goal in the game. It was like, let's not make Xcal dislike me anymore.

It sounds like he has an interesting strategy of leadership skills actually. You guys are falling in line. We're trying our hardest for this guy. You don't want to disappoint him. He really is talented on another level. We would have like an 18 man free

for all on Rust and Modern Warfare 2 Call of Duty and he, you know, 18 people on the smallest map with air support on. It's chaos, right? There's no way that the cream will ever rise to the top because of the randomness. Nah. Not when Xcal's in the room. He's dropping AC-130s on us yeah yeah

like i so i did a thing um early on when my youtube channel was first exploding one of the coolest parts about it was that i could start playing with all the people that would previously like i just wasn't their peers so i'd never get to play with them and i know i played with kyle i think wings was there i think taylor came with Kyle. I think Wings was there. I think Taylor came in. Pyropuncher was there. And Pyropuncher was close to Xcal, so we got him. And so everyone in this lobby is a YouTuber.

A professional Call of Duty player. I didn't want to say those words, but... We all get played to play the game in one way or another. We're all playing the game with like with a fucking time clock at the very least everyone's hardcore about cod you know if you don't want to say we're mlg that's fine but and we're not but everyone's a hardcore cod player and amongst the hardcore cod players x cal was just wiping us down it was it was ridiculous and uh and being and he was a dick the whole time oh Oh, not casual. He's just like, he's insulting us.

He's upset with us. He'd get like a 13 kill streak and be not happy with that. You know? He dropped the AC-130 arms and then after that he fucking left the lobby. He didn't say a word or something like that. He's just always a rude guy. And I've played zombies with him before. And I've played Battlefield with him before. And I don't know. I don't know why he's such a mean-sp a rude guy. I've played zombies with him before and I've played Battlefield with him before and

I don't know. I don't know why he's such a mean spirited guy. I think early on we invited them to this show and instead of saying no thank you or I'm not interested or I'm busy or whatever he'd like grab video game clips like I'm not interested in your bullshit and he'd upload it as a response to our

invitation to the show. You're such an asshole. He would do that? Yeah. Okay, that's really funny. If he did it with the right cadence, that's really, really funny. He's a dick. He's a dick.

He doesn't even do YouTube anymore, does he? I don't know. I think he's still doing it. Somewhere on some hard-ass game, I guarantee you. He's got a sub for me after that. Check him out. He's got an amazing channel. When he plays a game, he masters it.

He plays it on fucking hard, and it's easy for him seemingly. He plays a lot of Fallout at a high level. Yeah, I like – I mean, what I watch gaming-wise is, it's so funny. I watch a lot of gaming on Twitch. I watch, like, it's just because it happens every day. Like, I'm a cutie pie. It goes on every day. And I don't play League.

I've never played it. I installed it on my computer and never started it. And, like, I'll watch this guy play while I answer emails and stuff in the morning. Because he's just there every day. And I'm just like, fucking go see this guy play while i answer emails and stuff in the morning because he's just there every day and i'm just like fucking go see this guy you know and he's like an interesting looking dude and then i'll watch future man on twitch whenever he goes on just because he's fucking he's interesting also he's got a shtick and i like his shtick and on youtube i watch uh i think his name is donkey he only makes like a goofy ass video like once every two weeks or so where he's like yelling at Skyrim and mispronouncing stuff. He's got like goofy stuff.

But, yeah, I mean, I never really stop and like watch people with mad skills in gaming. You know, that's a rare occurrence for me. Beyond I'm a cutie pie who's very good at League. Like I don't watch people who have skills. It almost like i i have a guy that likes white noise so when i'm working i like my tv on even when i'm sleeping i like my tv on and so like i'll go on these gaming things and i'll just kind of like it's there and it's like in the back and that's kind of like how i started watching vlogs also like i'll just go and like those will be on and it's like a long thing. And I'm like,

I want to watch something where I don't have to flip much. I can put it on and it's there. Yeah. I have a question for you, Woody. Go on. You want to play some zombies this weekend? Do some PK plays? PK plays

fucking Black Ops Zombies. Me, you, and Taylor. PC, baby. Xbox One. I think think i'm gonna end up buying it for every platform yeah write that shit off you know donate the extras whatever i did that with metal gear did you metal gear on playstation xbox and pc and yeah yeah i didn't fall out on two the thing i like about PC and people aren't gonna empathize with this But I really like how easy it is to just fire it up like I'll be working on woody craft the best goddamn Minecraft server in the multiverse and

And then like it's right there like start menu car. I know it's ready. I agree It's like listen on one end It's bad to have You're like to literally be doing important work and keep seeing the icon right next to your emails of the game and you're like it's literally two clicks away and i could be lost in the wasteland right now and that's the bad thing but for me like you know i actually just started a twitch channel harley plays um and i find it so simple i like your style yeah the best goddamn but like all like a computer game i'm like yeah it's sick start streaming boom it's on xbox it's like yeah through the capture card gotta set my delay on my microphone and my web and all this

like the gaming shit i mean you guys have been doing it for years like i got into you know i started my gaming channel like two years ago but i started live streaming literally this past february and there's like been so many dozens of hours of tech setup and shit that I've been figuring out the you guys probably figured out a long time ago but like gaming on PC it's like boom I'm in it's simple Xbox it's like I can't hear the noise on my computer or I can hear this like I just don't have it set up properly and it always ends up being so much more tech and you're even trying to capture on a PlayStation is so fucking shit. My girlfriend's like, let's stream until dawn.

And I'm like, yeah, I want to, but I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. Did they fix that HDCP protection on the PlayStation? Oh, it's still a thing. Well, I capture using an Elgato, so I have to do like a bypass type thing. I don't even know what it is. I'm like, it is i'm like yo i'm like dave i'm hiring someone he's like what i'm like literally just to set up the playstation for capturing every day you use an elgato i literally just ordered one of those two days ago

to you yeah but probably the 60 right yeah yeah i got i have the older one but i've been streaming a lot of halo 5 like honestly like Halo 5 is fun I really like it How was the story? As a guy who's like I'm a huge fan boy I have fucking Halo shoes and I've read the books That's so legit I'm excited to hear that

You know how Master Chief is always the last Spartan? Now there's like three other Spartans that I know about because I've read the books. But to anyone who hasn't, they'd be like, who the fuck are they? And then another thing is, I don't know if you've noticed, but it's kind of all like Hunt the Truth. And it has that other Spartan who's hunting Master Chief. Yeah. And he's been on like the spinoff shows.

What I gathered from it is the game starts off and you're that guy and they make them so bad. They're like, look at Spartan Locke and team osiris they're so fucking cool they go toe-to-toe with master chief your favorite but like look at spartan lock he's so sick team osiris and i was kind of watching it and i was like i wonder and this is all you can quote this theory right now since i'm saying is i'm like my feeling is that they pushed this Osiris team and this new Spartan so hard so that they can like infinity ward, uh, uh,

whatever the other, uh, infinity ward, Treyarch and Sledgehammer. Like this year, you know, Halo five by three, four,

three next year, Halo Osiris by Microsoft subdivision company B. And then the year after that, like, you know, Halo three, 10 year anniversary B. And then the year after that, like, you know, Halo 3 10-year anniversary edition. And then the year after that, Halo 6. And then Halo Osiris 2. And kind of do that back and forth between companies because, I mean, dude, look at me. I fucking bought the Halo. I have a toy needler from the Halo game.

I spent 300 bucks on it. It's like a big-ass fucking thing and yeah you come out with Halo 6 you know uh whatever it is like suck off every grunt I'm like yo I'm buying that mission at midnight you know it I love the story of Halo I love that I love Master Chief's story I like my the thing that got me going, the gameplay was always amazing, right? But that story. The real-life trailers. Yeah, those real-life trailers were great.

I love those. But just the in-game campaign. I remember there's one part where he's hanging on the outside of the alien ship headed back to Earth or whatever. And I can't remember who you're on the radio with, but he's like, what are you doing? He's like, going to finish the fight, sir. And you're just like, fuck yeah, I am. Yeah, yeah, I'll stand in line as long as it takes. No, but that's it.

So those moments are still there in Halo 5. It's just personally the story wasn't like the grand scheme of it didn't get me. I was just like, whatever. It was moment to moment like that, where it's like, he's like, I'm going to do this. And she's like, what if you miss? And he's like i'm gonna do this and she's like what if you miss and he's like i won't and you're like oh like there's still those moments and and they definitely happen and they are very there's some fucking bad moments in halo does the black ops 3 story pick up from the other black ops stories does anyone know yeah yeah it will oh can we watch that trailer? Yeah. I've got it.

It's at 10.07. I sent it. Let me go to the... I got it. Yeah, I'm queued at zero. I don't know if Harley is. I don't know if it's going to play through his speed. I remember this, but I'm actually going to go get my needler real quick.

You guys watch it, because I feel like I should show it since I spoke about it, and I spent a lot of time. Definitely so. What's the point of getting it if I'm not going to show it? All right. For Kyle and Taylor... And I've watched this commercial like 50 times it's fucking amazing all right ready set play

what y'all don't know about kevin he's a bad man this is the perfect commercial he hits fearless fast as a heart attack and the way he moves dirty it exemplifies what Call of Duty is you got him surrounded feeling good? confident? nope lights out confident yeah

yeah see you know he's got moves that shouldn't even be legal no crazy see a illegal a single right as always you know but Kevin okay is he a hacker I want some beast mode, huh? Beast mode? Nah, bruh. It's Kevin mode.

So a friendly word of advice. I love this slide move. I think he buys on his foot. This Kevin's the king Kevin's unstoppable untouchable What y'all don't know about car I like that a lot. I'm really excited. I might even play multiplayer. It'll be fun.

No, it won't be fun, actually, because I'll watch a montage video like I do every year, and I see someone just dominating, and I'm like, I can do that. I used to be good. So let me tell you my super uneducated opinion about this Call of Duty, because I played the beta for whatever, a few hours. The sliding and the jetpack, you're able to do these power slides where you're, like, pretend I'm the character pointing my gun.

I'm sliding in that direction. So you could, like, slide through a corridor already ready to get that guy who's coming for you. I feel like if you master that slide, especially corridor already ready to get that guy who's coming for you. I feel like if you master that slide, especially in the way that I described it, like you come around corners like a motherfucker. Nobody can handle you when you come around that corner. You come in aiming at them and moving super fast laterally. And I had a ball.

Like by the time, when I figured, once I figured that out and like figured out a gun I liked, I wasn't dominating. I wasn't pulling some sort of X-Cal game. But I was pulling like a 2.5 KD and getting my killstreaks every time. And I was like, yeah! Because when you're getting your killstreaks, you're having fun no matter what. I was enjoying myself the last time I played multiplayer in the beta.

It can be totally different once we get out there, but I'm going to play. Killstreaks. I remember I had some sort of little remote control could be totally different once we get out there but i'm gonna kill streaks there was i remember i had like some sort of little um remote control vehicle that i was flying around just shooting everyone with uh machine guns and it was really effective i watched wings play and wings is a much better player than i am and he had his kill streak set much higher and he was getting some pretty devastating stuff um he was fucking shit up like he was getting some pretty devastating stuff. He was fucking shit up.

Like he was getting some, maybe not Modern Warfare 2 chopper gunner style killstreaks, but like- Y'all don't know about Harley? Y'all don't know about Harley? That thing is fucking- Holy shit. That's way bigger than that. How big is that?

That's fucking- Remember I'm six six two hundred seventy pounds. I love that. See it's the right size. That's the size it's supposed to be be right. Yeah, I like your slippers You see that like it reloads look at the needle yeah, yeah Hmm it is neat. I like how happy this is making you Like it's just like you just got it for Christmas for the first time.

Best $300 I ever spent? I don't give a fuck what my mom says. You're a manager. My momager. Oh, Cod. So you're talking about the movement in Cod? I've come full circle, right? If you were to get me three years ago, I'd be like, yes.

Whatever increases the skill gap is good. You know, I want movement to be difficult. You throw in walls. You throw in slides. You throw in this. Because I will spend so much time on there that every time you throw in something new, it's a competitive advantage for me. Now I'm on the other side. I'm like, ah, fuck.

You know, some guy running on walls, power sliding on roofs and shit is going to steal my lunch money. They're easy to shoot when they're out there running around on walls i don't i don't mean to pick so many bones with the cod because i feel like a lot of your audience loves cod but like i love titanfall i really really like that game a lot um when i played call of duty like i think my problem with cod is that i had a vision where I wanted it to go, and it didn't go that way. It was kind of like, it felt in a way, personally, in my opinion, it was like, well, let's compete with this game, this game, and this game,

where I was just kind of like, you don't need, like, don't, okay. I'm a huge, huge, always have been a huge SOCOM, SOCOM 2, and SOCOM 3 fan in PlayStation 2. I love that game to death. And when Call of Duty came out, I was like, huge, always have been a huge SOCOM, SOCOM 2 and SOCOM 3 fan of PlayStation 2. I love that game to death. And when Call of Duty came out, I was like, oh, sick. It's like it's that. It's going to be the military shooter I always wanted. The one that's like a bit faster than Ghost Recon and it's going to be –

and it kind of like it left that place where I wanted it to go. And it's just me being selfish. It's become more arcadey and less uh less so calm yeah and like kind of hard to accept that at the beginning i found it very you know one way and i like i said before you know i just want to like why can't i ride on like a motorcycle with my buddy on the back i feel like that would be so awesome in call of duty it has it has such a like it's one of the best engines on console in terms of like when you grab the controller and you start moving and shooting you're like i feel like i don't need a mouse you just get that you're

like i i feel like i trust my aim in it and i i don't know i guess just because like i love the engine like i wanted it to go somewhere else like i want i want that feeling in a game that kind of plays more along the lines of ghost i feel like what most people want, not what you asked for, but what most people want is to recapture the nostalgia feeling they had from before, right? They say COD 4 was the greatest. If COD 4 was released today

with all its bugs and glitches and only a couple guns, like the MP5, M16, they would hate it. People would throw a shit fit on the M16 and the MP5 and frag times three. Yeah, yeah. Overload on hate.

Yeah, they would hate it. And it would be the lack of killstreaks. They just wouldn't like that game, I think. On WoodyCraft, the best Minecraft server the multiverse has ever seen, we had a game mode called KitPvP. And our first attempt at it was total pay to win. I was new.

And what happens is there's nine ranks and you pay for it. And every rank would literally just get a better kit than the one before it. So like if you paid a lot, you're out there with like enchanted diamond everything. And if you've never paid anything, you have like leather shit and a wooden sword and you get your ass kicked. But people loved it. I think because it was their first one. Because they just sort of got into it and whatever. They have

asked to have that back so many times. I gave it to them and it wasn't popular. They didn't like it. Yeah. It didn't do well. We have a couple of KitBVP servers. I don't want it to be a major release. I want them to release some sort of DLCc or an added attachment thing i want like call it call it call of duty classic or

something i just want to go back to my cod 4 maps but have them to be beautiful and brilliant 2015 graphics and i like that i want to do that i want to do that with the first metal gear metal year solid on playstation 1 they do that They do that, right? They take your favorite maps, right? The overgrown. Ah, that's not the same. I want COD 4 again. You know what they could do? I think that there could be a playlist or something

where they disable some of the killstreaks. Because I love shipment. I loved shipment. Shipment was like a health spa for my KD ratio. Stressful. For whatever reason, Shipment was my jam. I was always one of those guys who was first to the helicopter. It just went super well for me.

I loved it, loved it. But I'll admit, if you took Shipment and put it in Modern Warfare 2 with the helicopters and the ac-130s and whatever Ac-130 the big thing would literally kill a third of the map you know it would be I know it sounds like a quarter of the map on rust and rust was like four times the size of shipment Rust is way bigger. It would be a big problem, so What they could do is say like all right shipment all you can have is what was it called a dragonfly little thing that went around you know maybe an airstrike but you know ac-130s

and things of that level are just disabled and they could do some of those maps because it's the killstreaks that stop you from being able to play them yeah i don't know i i'm most excited uh i think like taylor about the zombies i want to play some zombies with uh with you because i know you're fucking good and I hate playing with bad people not that I'm some all-star but I won't like drop the ball and make some by next count yeah yeah I'm sure he'll be more than willing I like I always like that spec ops I forget which Call of Duty that was on but I enjoyed that modern warfare 3 yeah I would have liked it if I hadn't previously like enjoyed

zombies like a lot of warfare 2 had it because it's comparing it because it's Warfare 3? I would have liked it if I hadn't previously enjoyed zombies. If Final Warfare 2 had it. Because it's comparing it, because it's going up against zombies, it didn't do it for me. I love the zombies. I like the aesthetic of the zombies and I don't want them to get guns or more power-ups. I hope that they steer clear of that horse shit they do now where it's like, oh every sixth round there's a bunch of little invincible monkeys that steal your perks or there's a bunch of dogs. It just takes your perks, or there's a bunch of dogs, or it just takes you out of it, and I don't like that. Also, Star Wars Battlefront, I'm down to play that.

I'll go very down. You know what? I realize, like, when I spend a lot of time, like, when you were talking about, you know, pay to win and stuff like that, and I look at, like, you know, I frequent gaming on Reddit all the time, and, like, I look at it, and I'm like, gaming on reddit all the time and like i look at it i'm like i if these people knew what type of gamer i was like they would be like you're the fucking bane of the industry like you're ruining everything like i'm the guy like i sit there and you know something they'll be like there's no space battles in battlefront and i'll be like still pre-ordering it, limited edition, getting it at midnight it's fucking Star Wars bro

fuck, if there's space battles give me Han Solo and a lightsaber, like I'm good and I'm the bad gamer in that sense like even you know when Oblivion came out I didn't have a good job, I was a teacher

I bought fucking horse armor like I bought it, it was like 400 Microsoft points, 5 bucks, I didn't have a good job. I was a teacher. I bought fucking Force Armor. Like, I bought it. It was like 400 Microsoft points, 5 bucks. I like got it. I'm like, 400 Microsoft points? I'm like doing the math. I'm like, that's like $7. I can't believe I'm buying this right now.

Dude, if Call of Duty sold like all the unlocks, this prestige, I'd do for like $15. I'd fucking buy that shit right away like yes on every platform the point i was getting at is like i'm fucking 30 i have a very very time taxing job if you gave me the option to purchase certain things that like you know call a duty you get the game and it's like iron sights right and it's like takes a while till you get to the next thing or whatever or you you know if i can get in there and you're gonna tell me like for 10 bucks i can go and and buy a red dot i would

probably spend the 10 to just bypass that and be on a level where i'm like hey i'm happy with it and it's disgusting because it's like you know when i was when i was growing up like i i never had a gaming pc in my life i i couldn't afford it like i i would have to pick one game and then trade in like my favorite games ever to get the next game and now i'm just like oh now i can i'm like fuck it you're gonna let me buy that i'll buy that shit you know like i'm on halo 5 you could earn requisition packs very easily but when i earn earn one, I'm like, fuck it. I'm going to buy one too. Three bucks.

Who cares? You know? Pay to win. I see why you're mad. Pay to save time. I'll take two. Yeah, that's it. That's all I'm saying.

I'm not saying there should be an advantage. But if it's a place that you can get to by gaming anyways, then I would like to buy my way there because I just don't have the time like I used to when I was a teenager. In Skyrim, my smithing level is 100. Does anyone here other than me know how you get to 100 smithing level in Skyrim? I have three characters with level 100 smithing. Leather belts. I made leather belts and more iron daggers. Iron daggers.

More iron daggers than you could shake an iron dagger at. That's right. Ting, ting, ting. Ting, ting, ting. Yeah. Yeah. Ting, ting, ting. Over and over, you listen to that. Like, just multitasking and hitting the button combination

and making her make more. For like 10 hours at a time, literally. Yeah. In Skyrim, I took a rubber band and made it so that my controller is bent like that. I did it in Oblivion. Well, yeah, while in crouch mode, and I would just go in the corner

while someone was sleeping, and then I would go to sleep. And I'd, like, wake up. I made my guy swim in circles in the lake. For days, he'd swim. Exactly. You get to 100, you're like, yeah, baby. Yeah, that was enraging. Man, the amount of time I could have mastered, like, I could be speaking French to you right now.

And pay to save time doesn't ruin it. So, like, I'm thinking in one of our game modes on WoodyCraft, the best faction server in the multiverse, like, some people will sit there and earn money by mining and mining and mining and farming and farming and farming. And other people are like, fuck that. I'll take, for $15, I'll just take some money. And in the end you know they can

like people with different schedules can play together it's a you know it's up to you I absolutely would have paid to get my smithing to level 100 I could have gone out and got a part-time job and made all that money back yeah the time it took me to make those fucking I have a sandwich it like we're not exaggerating if you're not a fan of the game. You should be, though. But it's many, many hours. And when you finally get there, you're able to craft really cool shit.

But then you gotta get your enchanting level up so you can really make the coolest shit. And then you gotta poison it, too, so you're fucking... What's the thing for poisoning stuff? Alchemy. So it's just never-ending. I don't know how many hours I have to stay active.

And then to get your conjuring or whatever, I spent so much time just like you kill a giant or whatever and then for three hours you just steal its soul over and over. There was a glitch where you could steal the soul multiple times. You know what it takes? Destruction magic, unlike the other magics, it appreciates at a much slower rate. It took me like two years to get to a hundred destruction magic. Oh my god, I feel like Taylor listening to Civ talk. No.

Please! Let's talk about this for nine hours. How many gold doubloons does it take to get a hundred smithing in Skyrim? There are no doubloons in Skyrim, goddammit. I got a stupid thing. It took me so much longer on my first character because I killed all the blacksmiths because I was my first time and I was like oh, I'll just kill them and steal a couple iron ingots, and I thought I was making out like a bandit

But then I found out that to get more. I was I was like a real Pioneer in 49 like going around searching searching for or all over the planes Yeah, I took oh god so many weekends ruined and wasted looking for iron ore in a fake place. I played, I don't know, maybe 400 hours of Skyrim, and then when or Oblivion. I played more Oblivion also. Yeah, and then when

Skyrim came out, I really, I remember I met one of the ladies who was on the lead development team at like a PAX or something like that, and I didn't know what her game was and she was like i think honestly i think she was hitting on me and if i go back now like i would marry her like i'd still be married to her like she she was like maybe 38 and i was like 26 but i'd have married her i'd be playing yeah i'd have totally made that happen but but uh but like i had no idea what she was even talking about and then it came out and i

got sucked into that as badly as i've gotten sucked into anything i think skyrim was a real life soul sucking game it didn't do that to me i played i played skyrim in a straight line down the main quest with as few diversions as i could i i yeah and i'm live streaming it and like it was actually really popular. My incompetence was funny to people. There's one thing where there's like, I think it fucking sets you on fire as you try to move around and you have to grab a chain on the wall.

And I don't know. I just sucked at it and everyone thought it was funny. Did you play Elder Scrolls Online? No, I didn't play Elder Scrolls Online. I didn't do that one. But when I played Skyrim, I got to this part where there was this book that gives you a free level. And I glitched it and I kept reading the book.

Yeah. So everything was at 100. I was like, sick. And I probably played like 60 hours of Skyrim up until that point. I was doing all the guilds, everything. And then I did that glitch. I got to level like 100 on everything i like walk out i like killed like four people and i was just kind of like i'm done yeah i like what i mean my buddy dave we still talk about it to this day we're like

can you imagine like that we were so deep in sky and we like ruined it for ourselves by cheating like you instantly it was the ultimate punishment it was just like inside i was just like i don't want it anymore there were two it's like a drug you can't stop opening the book it's free yeah it's how could you like every time i did it i was like there's 10 hours of my life back there was a duplication glitch where you could let you draw the bow back then open your inventory and then drop it yeah you drop as many as you had arrows so it'd be 80 potions all of a sudden, or 80 of the most valuable emerald necklaces, whatever the fuck.

So that ruined me. But then I realized there was this ring enchanting glitch where you could basically put on endless amounts of rings. So my guy could jump so high and run so fast that he could jump out of the cities and he'd go out into a magical realm where there's no textures, and he's just running around like the $6 million man out there.

And, yeah, like, after a week of that, it got old and I didn't play the game anymore. Yeah, those glitches ruin the game. Especially in a game like that where it's all about earning every ounce of energy your character has. And that game had so many, the worst glitches in that game is when you spent, like, six hours on a huge quest. And then you go to talk to fucking tabitha the barmaid to finally turn it in and she won't even look at you and you can't hit a to talk to her you're just like all right well i guess that i guess thursday was a waste then i'll just find something else to do yeah so what i did was i i made uh in oblivion i got the uh the dlc

for the wizards tower or whatever and i you were able to make your own spells, and I did the arrow trick and all that stuff, and I made a full mage, and I was like a vampire, but I would also have this spell that when I cast it, it was like infinite charm to everyone, and my health would recharge in the daylight. So unless I cast a spell, everyone would run from you and not want to do any things with you.

But you did this charming spell, and everyone everyone was charmed and they loved you and I just I got like I just enjoyed it in a way you always like there was a mini game to Oblivion and Skyrim of like breaking it in a way or doing something so powerful but I really liked it and then Mass Effect came out and I became like obsessed with the Mass Effect series like huge fan I'm like the one person that's out there and people are like Mass Effect 3 shit ending I'm like you're a fool and you misinterpreted it and they should have never justified your stupid fucking opinion by making another ending for your dumb ass what was wrong like i don't understand the mass effect 3 controversy because i'm not part of this series i think it was because they took away all like the whole game was about

choices and there weren't really any choices in the end. It's what people got pissed off about. I was never a huge fan. I'll tell you exactly what it was. Is that like, you make a guy, you make Harley and you play through Mass Effect 1, you do all these things with huge impacts and then you go through Mass Effect 2

and you meet all these new shipmates and you do all these things and it has all these impacts and then you get to Mass Effect 3 and you do whatever and then it ends and you want all these things and it has all these impacts and then you get to Mass Effect 3 and you do whatever and then it ends and you want this custom tailored ending that was for you based off of all of the things that you did or didn't do as opposed to your friend but ultimately

you and your friend got a very similar ending no matter what happened and that bothered a lot of people but my whole thing was like who gives a fuck what their ending was you didn't play their game you played this one and like so i get you didn't get your custom tailored ending but you know you got to finish the game with thane alive and the rakanai existing or whatever like there were differences

but ultimately my gripe with the ending was a very petty one but not petty but i like you know i it never involved the story. But in Mass Effect 2, you have this team of eight people. And when you're doing the last mission, depending on if you did their loyalty missions and you leveled up enough with them, you could be like, you go do this, you go do that, you do this. And depending on how it went, sometimes they would die or they wouldn't die or something would happen.

And you got this custom cut scene. Whereas when I played mass effect 3 i was one of like less than a single percent where you had the geth and the quarian to rival species they were both alive in my final version and the krogan and the solarians and to have all four of these people these species unified was like a less than one percent chance i had that but my cutscene was the same as everyone else's and all I wanted was like literally like just like you know a krogan and a salarian like fist bumping and being like let's do it together you know I'm like a geth and a quarian like back to back or high-fiving because I could

be like yeah no one gets that I'm the one percent that got that but you didn't even really get that and people started to I think people misconstrued that and started to attack the story when I just love the story of Mass Effect I really think the Mass Effect trilogy is like one of the best series out there if you haven't played it I think it's like 30 bucks on Origin you guys should do it

just fucking get into it what was your favorite ad campaign I really like the Gears. Mad World. Yeah, that Mad World one was great. That was a crazy campaign. Yeah, I know that was a crazy campaign because my dad called me. And he was like, Harley.

And I was like, yeah. He's like, what's this game I keep seeing? I'm like, what do you mean? He's like, it's this game and they're playing this song and then there's a spider at the end i'm like gears of war why he's like oh it looks cool my dad doesn't give a fuck yeah but that commercial made everyone stop and think and even the gears too where dom and marcus get in the pod together and they're like yeah yeah let's go down that was fucking awesome i like that but um there's one it's um it's like i have a rendezvous with death some deserted outpost have you seen this one it's like, I have a rendezvous with death at some deserted outpost.

Have you seen this one? It's like playing this old – they play a World War I poem of a soldier talking about how he knows he's going to die. He knows he's got a rendezvous with death, and he knows it's coming. But they show Dom is down. He's been hurt. Or not Dom, but who's your sidekick? Marcus, Dom. Yeah, I think Marcus is down. He's hurt. and like are not dumb, but who's who's the who's your sidekick? Marcus Don Marcus. Yeah, I think mark Marcus is like down. He's hurt and can we watch it really me fine? Here's three distinct. It might be for gears too, but it's my favorite one. I'll find it real quick

I just don't like third person enough couldn't get that into it. I didn't bother me I don't agree like a great ad is also this PlayStation ad Where it's like a guy is poweratrooping a World War II soldier. Two of them land in the woods and they like cut off their parachutes and then they run and they like go into this bar. And you get in the bar and like Kratos is there and Nathan Drake is there and Old Snake is there. And like they're all like telling stories like one time Michael came in and did this. And this other guy is like one time I remember. I'll never forget it was. And then they're all just like yeah for Michael and like you showed it's like some kid like playing

But then it's that guy from who was it D-Day and he just speaks there's like I remember and everybody gets like We was down in the ditches Thanks coming over hilltops, they wouldn't know why to stop Michael okay They was coming over the hilltops and there was no way to stop them. And then Michael came. And everybody was just like, like Kratos sheds a tear. And like, you know, some of the like monstrous characters. I wanna see that one. You ever seen that? It like brings a tear to your eye almost.

It does, it literally does. Mine's a minute long. Let's check this out, cause I feel like this exemplifies what gears fucking advertising was all about it's like it's different and it's not all so it's not all like crazy fast-paced like everybody is what we do Harley is we open the page we queue up at zero then I say ready set and we all click on play all the gears ads lured you in because it was all this like weirdly calm music juxtaposed over all the violence. Yes. This is a World War I poem being read. Ready, set, play.

Rated M for mature. I have a rendezvous with death. At some disputed barricade. I haven't seen this. It may be he shall take my hand and lead me into his dark land and close my eyes and quench my breath.

I have a rendezvous with death. And I, to my pledged word held true, I shall not fail that rendezvous. That's sick. love that shit gears would always get me so pumped for the next they were good man honestly i was so impressed like microsoft i want to go play it right fucking now that's how good they like i'm getting goosebumps like yeah dude this fucking locust scum i've talked about it too much but there's a scene in gears where like i remember i was playing with my friend pka dan some of you guys will know him and and dan god love him fucking sucks at video games right so i'm like carrying uh struggling

and they're just wave after wave after wave and it was like unusually long like i'm just like is this ever gonna stop how are we gonna do here and then uh it's like the coal train baby and he's just like the cut scene comes and he starts mowing people down and he saves us all and in i don't know if it hit everyone the same it was one of the most goosebump inspiring scenes in all of the games this is in gears three right it's inars 1 when they first introduced the Coltrane. When he first slides and saves your ass in that museum or whatever. I thought it was 2, but I'm not sure. Is it 3?

In Gears 1, Coltrane is like down. He's still awesome, but he's like below you in a library place. And he's surrounded by so many locusts. And he's like pistling and shooting all of them. And you're all like, damn, he's sick. But I thought what he was referring to those gears to a gear street but there's one cutscene work to you haven't seen Cole in a like since the whole game and then he comes in slow-mo with like the chainsaw and he's just like ain't nobody plays this game like the coal train yeah it's so good. Ain't nobody plays this game like the Coltrane. Yeah, it's so good.

I always thought a Gears of War movie would be sick. And I always thought like a great trailer for it. Like just like I just remember like imagining like in my head like what it would be like. As if like you were watching and it was like, what was it called? It wasn't called like Griffball, but it was like your football, whatever it was. Thrashball. Thrashball. If it was like a trailer opened up and it was

like a thrashball game and like you were just like what the fuck is this and then it kind of like gets like distorted and like maybe it cuts out and someone's banging on a tv or something yeah and like it just takes it from there i always thought like the gears movie would be so sick if you just got these huge fucking bodybuilders that could barely act and they just ran around being like, UGH! AGH! I've always said John Travolta should play Dom.

I feel like he's perfect for it. I just imagine him with the... John Travolta? Yeah, John Travolta! Picture it! It's perfect! Can we watch this one? You guys had me really excited to see this one. Yeah, this is a great commercial. Great.

The resonator in every Gears game. Alright, you guys ready? Yeah. Hold on a second. Ready. 3, 2, 1, man. Ma'am? different currencies yeah different rifles yeah like there's so many easter eggs flying over the middle of the rubal commie desert looking for some lost city in the sand next thing i know, planes going down.

I'm hanging like a rag doll at 30,000 feet just trying to hold on. And a plague on every corner. When half the city hated me, the other half wanted me dead. He brought out my good side. Tell him your war has changed. So you do what you have to. I'm no hero. But whatever good I've done, it was him. Yes. I'm thinking of your impression. Michael. When the Templars murdered my family. When the whole bloody world's gone crazy.

Cocaine! Sector 9! To Michael! Michael! To Michael! For all he does. For all of us. To Michael.

To Michael! To Michael! To Michael! To Michael! I got some goosebumps, man. That does bring tears to my eyes. That makes you proud to be a video game nerd. Yeah.

I honestly don't know what to say. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm That does bring tears to my eyes. That commercial always makes me want to go play a video game. Yeah. Honestly, you know what's so crazy is growing up, I got kind of a lot of shit for playing video games. My buddies made fun. None of my friends knew what an Xbox was when I bought an Xbox. They were literally like, what's Xbox?

I'm like, it's like PlayStation, but it's Microsoft. They're kind of like, oh, you're such a fucking weirdo. You play Halo all the time. Aren't you been playing that game for months now? I'm like, come over to my house and get fucking murked, fool. I loved games. I loved comics.

It's so crazy that now life, games are cool now you're richer than all of them what's that now you make more money than all of them like games is like a cool thing and like you know comic books like like you know I don't want to like it's gonna sound completely sexist but when I was growing up not a single girl I knew personally got down with comics. Now like girls I talk to are like I love Deadpool. When I was growing up, even my comic friends didn't know who Deadpool was.

And it's just like – it's just crazy that that's like where it's gone now. And now I'm so happy that games are such an awesome popular thing because it makes for more awesome games. You know what I mean? And even like – I don't know. Just that games have become pop culture is – it makes for more awesome games you know what i mean and even like you know like i don't know just that games have become pop culture is it makes me happy yeah they've gotten so popular that it goes the other way now where it's like oh you're not even a real gamer where were you in the dark days of you know getting made fun of like like that's a pretty good problem to have in a community that too many people are into it now so i read read that DC was in the talks for allowing them to make an R-rated movie about The Killing Joke.

So I went and bought The Killing Joke real quick. It's a graphic novel. It's a Batman. It's a comic. It's a Batman comic. I really hope they make this thing. It's so dark. Are you familiar with the –

Oh, yeah. I have The Killing Joke. I love it. It's just like the Are you familiar with the... Oh yeah, I have the killing joke. I love it. It's sick. It's just like the Joker goes way too far. The Joker goes way too far. Yeah. He shoots the Commissioner's daughter in the spine and paralyzes her

and then strips her naked and takes pictures of her. Shows pictures to her dad and stuff. Yeah, it's intense. Isn't that kind of what happened in the new Batman game? Yes. In the new game, it's inspired from the Killing Joke, definitely. Yeah, I'm hoping they make that.

Killing Joke inspires so much. Even I found it was a little inspired in The Dark Knight is when the Joker goes to – like when he dresses up like a nurse. Like that reminded me of the killing joke because it was, like in the killing joke, he dresses up like a tourist whenever the Joker gets like goofy like that.

But also I'd say like a good recommendation if you're on a Joker tip, Kyle, is there's a book called The Joker and it directly inspires the Dark Knight Joker. You could just tell visually visually it's the first time that the Joker has those scars and stuff and it's cool because he comes across the Riddler in that comic book and you get to see a version of the Riddler like what if the Riddler existed in the Dark Knight it's like cool he shows up in like gold BMWs and he has like a crooked spine

and he's wearing like a purple jacket and like purple fedora and he's wearing gold pants and he has this question mark cane and all his boys have uzis and like it's really cool this book the joker like the joker gets released from arkham asylum for whatever reason and he goes to every batman villain and you literally see them like oh fuck this guy like the penguin the Penguin is insane, sure. But the Penguin is still competent enough to know like, oh, fuck. Fuck this random asshole. As the Joker comes up to him and like bullies him into giving him back his share of the territories and stuff. And like, you know, the Joker just rolling up on the other Batman villains.

Like rolling up right up to the Riddler and be like, what's up, bitch? You know, like it's kind of really cool. That's awesome, I want to check that out now. Yeah, yeah, I think it's just straight up called The Joker, and, yeah, but, no, I got really big into comics, and I think the Star Wars Marvel comics are really fucking sick. This is, uh... Yeah, if you guys are into Star Wars, I don't know, Star Wars is a thing like either people like that's okay or it's like oh my god I could fucking come thinking about the Star Wars right now

it really depends I'm more excited about this game than the movie this is a book called becoming Batman I bought a while back I discovered it on reddit and this guy really breaks down like what it would have taken for Bruce Wayne to be Batman I mean he he really breaks oh i i heard about this like the science behind it like if it like how yeah exactly like how much money it would technically how many calories he's gonna have to consume how how many how many how many hours of time it's gonna take for him to perfect each of these fighting styles and like when you read through here it like okay so like if we look at this rationally then this is what batman's capable of and it's just little stuff like all these diagrams that's amazing it's

uh it's a pretty interesting read yeah um no i remember hearing about that and always wanted to to try it to test it out to see it to read it because i i was always like it's interesting like it's the whole thing was like can a rich man actually find the time to be bruce wayne and be batman and how much money does it cost and how taxing is it on his mentality and everything yes i enjoyed the book yeah well you gotta hit the road yeah i have a flight uh really early tomorrow to vegas well tomorrow is the 6th of November. You three guys are invited to come, by the way. You'd have to go. It's Vegas tomorrow.

Okay, I'll be there. I'm just saying, if you want to get fucking crazy, you guys are invited. I actually have a bacon sponsor. How cool is that? Who is your bacon sponsor? Black Label Bacon. Black Label Bacon, Hormel. They're putting on a bacon strip show.

So it's like a burlesque show. And so I'm going down there for that. And to chill, it'll be cool. And I wasn't joking when I said you guys can come. I'm just throwing it out there. And yeah, so that's it. So I have to catch a flight. It leaves at 8, so I'm going to be up in like four hours from now.

All right, man. Get some sleep. Real quick before you go, I wanted to take it leaves at 8, so I'm going to be up in like four hours from now. All right, man. Get some sleep. Real quick before you go, I wanted to take advantage of another – I assume hockey fan because you're from Canada. Who's your team? Yeah, well, you assume wrong. But no, I'm from Montreal, so I am – my allegiance lies with the Montreal Canadiens.

Oh. I do have a team because I live in the city. But yeah, I like going to hockey games during the playoffs when it's all crazy and stuff. But other than that, I don't really get too much into it. But like epic mealtime, the rest of the guys literally work ends early when the Habs are playing. It's like hockey game tonight,

we're out. I'm like, get it. That's awesome. I got to say, thanks so much for having me. I should come on more often. Dude, full homo, I really enjoyed your company. Like, this was great. Yeah, it was awesome.

And you know what? Instead of us inviting fucking ex-cow, just holler at your boy. Yeah, listen to him. I'm just trying to set it up so that I can make a video being like, I don't care about your shit. But anyways, thanks again for having me Harley plays on Twitch Instagram Snapchat people check him out I also do daily vlogs now

on youtube.com slash Harley Moore and obviously Epic Mealtime but you know anyways thanks so much for having me it was good catching up with you guys yeah I really enjoyed having me it was good catching up with you guys yeah I really enjoyed this yeah it was great and have fun with Black Ops

I'm probably going to end up getting it at midnight yeah awesome thanks Harvey we just we just want everyone to remember that this episode of Painkiller Ready is being brought to you by Squarespace

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Hey, I really enjoyed that segment. Like the first two hours like i thought that was great yeah that was the first time i've been on the show with harley he's he's like i i just was interested in listening to him like i didn't i didn't have anything to contribute for the long like youtube success and like uh oh when i hit it big you know let me tell you what but it was just interesting listening to him talk about it like in that perspective i've been watching other podcasts and um and in some respects learning and it's like all right you know like it um i was listening to joe rogan talk to someone like maybe it was cowboy

serrani or something and uh like one of the things that they do well is they just wait and let the guy go if he's on a run don't interrupt don't don't top him with your story or even just offer yours it did let it let it run and i don't know so i feel like you like what you did and what i hope i did too is just fucking shut up and let him tell his story because it's a good one so it's rare that you have guests like that who will just go off for like six straight minutes on something that's not really boring it's actually interesting like usually they just throw out a couple sentences here and there but yeah he's a natural i remember in pka's early days when it was live all the time we would call fans and we'd be like you know hey i've got a story and one guy was like i was held like guy came in the front door

with an ak-47 and robbed us all and we're like okay you come on tell your story oh my god like seven minutes of setup about like the video my uncle well he's not technically my uncle he's actually my mother's brother uh from from from like a previous marriage but but we call him uncle and it's like what the fuck are you doing what the fuck are you doing like you've already wasted too much time right so we're all sitting on the couch, but not the couch, actually. We're sitting in front of the couch and leaning up on the back of it. I call it a couch. It was like, your storytelling skills are so awful.

It's not really a story as much as it is a parable to learn about your life. So like Howard Stern. We had chili for dinner that night. I didn't care for it. Everybody else did. Howard Stern has a great show, dinner that night. I didn't care for it. Everybody else did. Howard Stern has a great show, but I often feel like he's using cheat codes because he has so many great guests, right? I'm sure if we had Britney Spears on this show, she'd just kill it with stories and life experiences and things like that. And it'd be easy to do a good show with her.

Having said that, I think we're getting better at this too I like whenever we have Harley on he's always a fun guy yeah what a crazy life he leads I should ping Philly D everybody ping Philly D

there it is now I've done it I feel like he's awesome on the show too I was talking to Richard on this trip he said he'd like to come on too and I think Eric has been talking to Richard on this trip. He said he'd like to come on too. And I think Eric has been wanting to come on too. So maybe we'll get a Rack veteran on. He'll be a very interesting... We should do a drinking episode with Eric.

He'll get out the 18-year-old Macallan scotch and start sipping at him and Chad. We'll have some fun. That'll be a good show. Chad's expensive. He's really bringing his A-game for the podcast. He likes... What is it? Like 300 bucks a bottle or something like that? that'll be a good it's expensive really bringing his a game for the podcast uh he he likes i i guess what is it like 300 bucks a bottle or something like that oh then it's not eight

it might be yeah 18 is really expensive hey i mean 12 i'm not the one to ask uh i just i just overhear them and i watch them drink um i'm fine with like like anything cheap like i don't need anything that's been aged or has anything fancy to it. Yeah. You don't like to just have scotch every so often just like feel fancy. Like I haven't in a long time. I'm not manly enough apparently. I just don't care for the taste.

You know, I really have to be drinking. Like drinking to me is like, all right, this first one is going to suck. The second one is going to be better and the third one is going to be great. Like I have to be – I'm aiming at the third drink. That, this first one's going to suck. The second one's going to be better, and the third one's going to be great. I'm aiming at the third drink. That's the one I'm going to enjoy. I'm with you, except that I don't think great is ever where we arrive. Oh, it's great.

No, to me, the first one's an awful job. The second one is a tolerable job. And then after that, it just becomes a matter of trying to and I'm terrible at it regulate where I'm in this great zone you're out the punishment you're terrible at it I'm the worst because because everybody wants to buy me free drinks everybody wants to buy me I get more free drinks than a hot blonde like left and right everybody is buying me a shot of their favorite thing. A lot of them want to do vodka. Everybody wants to do a shot of vodka with a Russian guy or whatever.

And I'm just like, no, let's do some tequila. Let's stick it to one thing or whatever. Let's just do beer. But I just remember that last paintball trip when we were at the Tilted Kilt. It was a couple of paintball trips ago. A couple of paintball trips back. We did this little appearance or whatever at the Tilted Kilt for Paul's fiance. And we get in there, and it's just like I order myself a drink.

I get myself a beer, but then the table gets shot. So everybody gets a shot. But then I get my own special shot that someone buys me and a special drink, which is like a mixed drink. So the night starts out with four drinks in front of me and like and it's hard to like food yet so you haven't got and no and i'm not gonna um and i just remember being in the bathroom just sitting on the toilet just head spinning just thinking how did i get i just got here i just got here joe lozon still hasn't forgiven me like on the way out

your head's hanging out the side window vomiting from a moving car. And I guess I blocked Joe's view of the side mirror as he was trying to film Kyle vomiting. And he's not totally over it. He really wanted footage of Kyle vomiting. I have footage of Kyle vomiting. I think I got rid of it. No, there was that really good footage. This was like five years ago, four years ago.

In the hotel. We were in the hotel room bathroom. Shotgunning. I had that. I shotgunned a beer and then Kyle shotgunned one. And I vomited. You inhaled a little bit of it. Your face at first was like that FPS Russia, like I just did something pretty sweet face.

And then immediately just downtrodden. Oh, no. All of it right in the sink though. Because I killed it incredibly fast. It was just like – and it was like gone. And I was just like, but some of it right in the sink though. Because I killed it incredibly fast. It was just like, and it was like, gone. And I was just like, but some of it's in my lungs. Yeah. And I just go,

vomit everywhere. Just 100% foam. Yeah, I really didn't think I was going to be the one to fuck that up either. I even filmed you thinking you were going to fuck it up, but you were, I'm sure that wasn't your most recent. you've been shotgunning plenty of beer yeah yeah yeah i had i hadn't shotgunned a beer in a few years he was in college shape yeah yeah he was in college beer shotgunning

shape so i could not compete and i didn't i inhaled it that what is it the tequila tequila that mexican shit tecate whatever. Oh, it was so gross. Cheap. Yeah. It is cheap. Whenever I buy beer to shoot, like I'll just buy a whole keg and shoot it with a machine gun because it sprays everywhere and it's cool. I'll get a natural light. Natty Light is the cheapest shit you can buy. It is so cheap. I think a keg of it's like, I don't know, 150 bucks or something like that. People shit on it, like for being just like tasteless which, in my opinion, that's what you're looking for when you buy that. You're not looking for a full-bodied drink. You're sitting by the pool. You don't want a big, thick porter that tastes like hot chocolate three minutes in.

I like Miller Lite. I like Miller Lite, too. If I'm going to be outside doing something hot, I have this memory. I have memories that are attached to food sometimes, and one of my fondest memories is hanging out. We're actually out at this guy's ranch. It's kind of a hunting ranch.

But we were eating these dove balls. And dove balls have nothing to do with their testicles. It's their breast. And you put cream cheese in there. And you wrap it all in bacon. And a jalapeno on the outside. You stick a toothpick through it. And you grill them. And so we're playing poker playing poker i'm winning i'm up a few hundred

dollars i'm eating the dove balls and they're they're so goddamn hot they're burning my mouth but i've got like ice cold miller light and that that's one of my fondest memories just getting wasted on miller light taking all their money and eating my fill of dove balls that was a good day i i watched this thing by Nick Offerman. I think it's his name, the guy from Parks and Rec. And it was like a stand-up special, but he talked about like the 10 rules for living your life. And one

of them was use intoxicants. And sometimes I feel like I'm missing out on something there. There's certainly some downsides to using intoxicants. And he put some qualifiers on it. He says, look, you can't use it all the time. Intoxicants are a reward. When you go outside and you mow the yard

or you build a thing, I think he used a lot of woodworking examples. You craft a table and you're sweaty and you come home and you've accomplished something, you can reward yourself with, and he didn't say marijuana, but I think it was like pot or beer. That was the implication I got from it.

And he's like, but if you just do the intoxicants without the hard work that earns it, then he's like, trust me, I've done the math on this one. That leads to depression and bad places. And it sounded like, I hate to endorse this notion of using intoxicants. I know some people take my opinion very seriously, and it's a responsibility, but even though I have no experience there, I feel like maybe he's on to something. Like, you know, a beer at the end of a day's work

might not be so evil, you know? A joint, which I have virtually no experience with definitely not evil yeah it's like well evil yeah it's a wrong term but it's like you know i i can see how you certainly i could also see the other side and the way he said trust me i've done the math on this implied this like experience with yeah but like a a serious negative experience with um you know using it as a primary instead of a reward and uh um yeah i i could see why that'd be so bad but anyway now there's no the thing you talked about like yeah i did this thing and then uh you i i'm all sweaty and i'm hot and i rewarded myself with the miller light it's like you know there's

I'm hot and I rewarded myself with the Miller Lite. It's like, you know, there's maybe something to that in a happy life. I don't like drinking to excess. I always end up just, I always end up ill. You know, I always end up throwing up. And that's the worst feeling that I could possibly imagine. It's just nausea is so awful. And I always end up there. I can't regulate myself at all

like it with beer I can but I like liquor I really like tequila I like tequila you know only is like a beyond so only is me blade made a video saying that he was gonna quit drinking now remember if it was recently or yeah call it four weeks old something like okay so post him like showing his ass and everything getting crazy yeah there were even there was one after that where he in a drunken state the n-bomb dropped a couple n-bombs and his moderator was like trying to save him and i think he didn't treat his moderator with the respect that a friend would deserve and anyway um so after that he was like

look i'm drinking too much you know this isn't This isn't working for me. It's not a good look, and I'm going to address that. And one of the things he said that I've heard a lot of people with alcohol issues say is he's like, I know some people, they drink a few beers, and then they stop, or they have a few drinks, and they stop. And he's like, how'd you do that? How do you have three and then call it good i do no no the third one's better than the second one the fourth one is going to be better than the than the third one and the fifth one has to be better than the fourth one and it keeps going and by the time you get to like eight you're like well one more he seemed to be getting

incrementally better you know we were traveling around and I was drinking pretty heavily, I could put away a lot of tequila. I would put away well over 15 shots of tequila in a night. In a four-hour drinking period, I might drink 17, 18 shots of tequila, and I would be pretty blitzed, but I got to the point

where I could stomach it pretty well, and that's just not healthy. To me. It's just being bought for me, and it's often expensive. People are buying you like Avion tequila or like some sort of like special gold 1800 or whatever the fuck. Yeah, you were not buzzing on a budget. You were getting nice stuff.

No, it was like, they would be a bottle of champagne out of nowhere. And it's like, well, yeah, you got to drink the champagne. And they're like, no, no, bro. That's your bottle. And it's like, fuck yeah. To me, the punishment that's your bottle. And it's like, fuck yeah. To me,

the punishment that comes with drinking too much is severe. It's never skipped and it's ever present in my mind. Right. So I can have one drink, two drink, probably even three and everything's going to be cool. And you know, I sit there like,

am I drunk? Well, my face is tingly. So I'm not faking this. Like it's, it's a real thing. But like that am I drunk? Well, my face is tingly, so I'm not faking this. It's a real thing. But that fourth one and fifth one, they start to cost a lot. And it's not money.

It's the headache that's going to come, this dehydration. Before I figured this out, as a teenager and stuff, it would be like vomiting in the shower. I remember after my bachelor party, it was a horrible, horrible night. It was a horrible morning. It was, I mean, it was just awful. The biggest key I've found to

keeping it straight if I'm going to be drinking is I have a big meal before I start. I'll eat a big meal, like Mexican food with tons of rice and beans or something. And then it's like, oh, yeah, these Dos Equis are feeling real nice, you know, four, five, six, and I'm still okay. But, like, I just get out of hand.

And I'm not surprised because I've got this crazy history of alcoholism in my family. I imagine that's probably what my grandfather's problem was out there making the moonshine out in the woods. You really made moonshine? out in the woods like like yeah yeah absolutely my my uh my grandma he was a he was a bootlegger he um he he was always getting arrested uh my grandma'd have to go bail him out um my dad was talking about like the the law shows up at the front door and and he's running and jumps out the back door but they were waiting in the back too and they catch him like he jumped into the arms of the sheriff's deputy and they're like gotcha again and they just always be arresting him like you know they go take take access to his liquor still

and all that stuff and he was you know all he did was drink he made the liquor he sold the liquor he drank the liquor that was a lot i got a question so i remember once i'm trying to leave the specifics out of this but like we had a relative they owned a beach house and it was a house just across the street from the bay and we went over there and we played with their sailboat for a while and we went clamming and uh we were like eating oysters at the end of the night and um the wife, who's my relative, but I'll just try to keep it more anonymous. She was drinking beer. And it was like at the end of a long day

of playing in this case, but also like finding food in the ocean. And on the drive home, my father was really turned off by it. Like, ah, it's so low class you know can you believe she was drinking beer i see that like i would never want a woman who drank beer and yeah i was gonna ask where you lined up on this oh my god because and by the way like keep in mind like they're like we low class we just spent the day on their sailboat by their bay house you know like like

this is these people were not struggling dad why don't you go bang mom so loud the neighbor's here again why don't you fuck her pussy into oblivion so they have to get some sort of special like pussy protector for her to wear low class like she had a mickelob after a day of clamming off her sailboat wow that's harsh I'm sorry princess Diana didn't pour us all a glass of 800 year old wine or something

oh man that thought process is actually barely semi infected my own like in a deluded way but like if I see girls drink beer it's a lot more like one of the guys you know like not necessarily like I look down

on them but I also like it certainly knocks the princess off their appeal their appearance no I don't it has zero effect I would prefer that a girl does have a drink every now and then and I don't care if it's Chardonnay or if it's Mike's Hard Lemonade or it's Jack Daniels or if it's Budweiser

maybe not Budweiser like come on like have some class I like Budweiser yeah uh you know drink whatever the no there's nothing a girl could drink that would make me think anything about her unless she's like really drinking some white trash beverage you know she got some Bartles and James or something PBR yeah Pbr is is you know i mean i don't drink pbr because i wouldn't want to be looked down upon i mean i'm for real i wouldn't order a pbr in public or drink one red dog you know you know i totally don't know the stack ranking of prestige on all these things the one thing i do know and this is from experience apparently apparently the things I like are gay.

Like, I know that much. Yeah, yeah. We definitely, I'm with you though. Like, I like the gay drinks. I like stuff that's sweet and like, you know, kind of a dessert

and alcohol thing mixed together. We literally had a cocktail one time that had a gingerbread man in it. You know it's good if there's a gingerbread man in it. Yeah, how could it be bad?

Yeah. And I don't know why anybody would look down on that. Like, some dude over there drinking his Jameson, like, looking down on my gingerbread man in it yeah how could it be bad and i don't know why anybody would look down on that like like some dude over there drinking his jameson like looking down on my uh my gingerbread martini like why like like i got a little vodka in here what's your fucking problem like i remember i had this conversation with my mom you don't like gingerbread man my mom was telling i was a teenager and there was something that came up that i wasn't embarrassed about anymore and she's like you know that's one of the signs of growing up. Like you just care a lot less about what other people think.

And I don't know. At least in some regards, I've totally fucking nailed that. Are you judging my drink? I think that makes you a bit of an asshole. Yeah, exactly. I mean, there's no reason I would ever judge anyone else's drink. I guess if I see someone drinking something that I find to be sophisticated or maybe I'll think more of them.

I'm fascinated by the way that Chad and Eric drink this scotch and they talk about the body of it or they can smell certain qualities of it and if it's been in this kind of barrel or that kind of barrel, if it's a blend, you know, on and on with this stuff. And it's interesting, though, to listen to them and say that, yeah, these guys are kind of connoisseurs of this particular kind of alcohol. I can get down with that. But I would never, like, look over at someone drinking. There's a difference between someone who's drinking, like, PBR

and someone who's drinking that martini we had. Like, we're drinking that thing because it's some sweet, silly thing, I think it's partially funny But it's also gonna taste good. It's gonna get me a little tipsy But but there are they're drinking that because they just don't have any class like you drinking that see I think you are kind of judging Their thing is cheap different way their thing is cheap and white trashy That's the difference like like like they're they're they're drinking this like shit cheap ass nasty beer because it's the cheapest of the cheap or whatever like that's i don't even know pbr and budweiser and corona are all the same to me i i mean so so like i don't know i like i like doseki that's my favorite beer i like the green not the amber i don't know what they call it is is the lager um i like the green bottle doseki that's my favorite beer i put some lime in there and i'm

good um anything else i'm just not a huge fan of i just don't like the snobbery like that's even worse than like micro brew faggots yeah where it's like if you really like that micro brew yeah there's a couple of st louis breweries here that's like oh i really like that beer but i don't go around like like label out when I'm having one of those, being like, oh, I see you're having a macro brew. Couldn't afford this. You don't like it. It's just douchey.

I would go to a lot of, like, bar-type restaurants in East Point, Atlanta, and that's all it is. They have a chalkboard of their, like, special micro brews for that night, and it's all this, like this hipster doofus bullshit. It's just like, can I get a Corona? Can I get a Corona over here? Does the lime make Corona gay?

I used to like it with the lime in it. Really? I used to like Corona with the lime and I used to like Michelob Dark. We used to call it The Doctor because it's md some days are better than others and those were the things i liked michelob ultra that's like the light beer for like upper middle class people who are golfing that's what i think of it's it's good though you

know tastes like i i don't taste like water um if i if when i buy a beer i buy doseki if i have to i'll i'll get like about a mexican restaurant and i want a beer, I buy Dos Equis. If I have to, I'll, I'll get, like if I'm at a Mexican restaurant and I want a beer and like everybody's getting one of those big frosted mugs, I prefer that. Um, Corona is a short, a close second, I guess. But I, I'll drink Miller Lite. I know that's one of those beers that probably falls right into that category of PVR, but it's, it's so like light and, and almost watery, like you said, that if it's cold enough, I can just guzzle down like enough to get blitzed real quick,

and I like that about it. It's not filling. It's like if you're playing pool volleyball. You want a Bud Light there. You don't want something thick and gross. Yeah, absolutely not. I don't like... What's that thick-ass black beer that everyone jerks off to?

Guinness. Guinness. Oh, man. My roommates were both Lithuanian and they drank they thought guinness was piss water like they drank these like 10 for 10 and a half percent alcohol lithuanian and russian beers that came in a liter bottle and and like a liter was like expensive right like it's like a nine dollar beer and and like crack me off one of these and i'm over there like oh god he's like in it with his like Lithuanian accent he's like can you taste can you taste the

amber the amber notes like he's trying to fucking enunciate his English he sucks at he's talking about the amber notes and I'm just like I taste alcohol and death it became like the theme of my existence living with those guys it was this catchphrase finish your beer kyle finish your beer because i would always have like this warm part at the bottom like this much of warm 10 10 alcohol and i'm just like no no no no i hate it it's like one one will get you through the whole night. That was the thing. My roommate Thomas was a complete alcoholic. On his days off, he would start off, he'd drink himself a six-pack of beer for breakfast,

and he'd have his bottle of wine finished off by noon. He'd kill it that whole day, and he worked as a barback at this restaurant. He was waking up early on his days off. He would get up early on his days off. For real, 9 a.m., he'd be over there on his days off. He would get up early on his days off. For real, 9am, he'd be over there on his PC gaming. He'd have that six-pack cracked. He worked his bar back at a restaurant called Goldfish.

He got all this free liquor. I don't know if he was stealing. He always said they gave him bottles. But he'd come... Seems a little unlikely. He'd come home with bottles all the time and be drinking the you know so there's all this nice liquor in the house and he'd just stay like i feel like i don't know the kyle story completely so you you graduated high school right and then all right

so when i moved to atlanta i i moved for the girl uh i i went after her i wanted to be closer to her and uh was this a girl that you dated in high school? Yes. It's all the same girl. Okay, then I know the girl. Yeah, it's all the same girl. Yeah, Kyle has had a long, long... Kyle has had a long, long relationship with this one girl in particular.

I want something. I do whatever it takes. She owns his heart, it would seem. It took me 10 years. All right. I whittled her down now how why was she in atlanta because she was she went to your high school yeah yeah so we graduate high school she moves to atlanta because she first moves to athens stays there for a year then to atlanta she didn't like our small town our small county our small section of the state

it's not much to do you want to be in the city, so she moved to Atlanta. Yeah, she wanted all the things to come along with that. So she moves to Atlanta. I follow along. It's very much sort of in a weird quasi friend zone type place. I get my job there selling cars, and I'm working with, and I make some friends

at the dealership. So you moved to Atlanta on the hope that you'll escalate to girlfriend, boyfriend. Yeah. It's a real gamble. I don't care. Whatever. Wait, were you shaking dice? That's double. Those are

dice and my cock. Rolling it and coming. All of them in one. Okay. So you moved to Atlanta to follow the girl on the hopes that you can escalate your relationship to boyfriend girlfriend get my job selling cars I'm doing well they're loving it kicking it having a great time I get an apartment in an apartment complex right across the street from where she lives not the same complex do you have roommates in

this apartment no by myself by myself. By myself. So I get this apartment all by myself out there. And I'm living right across from, you know, the street from her complex. We're separated and everything. Are you 18? 19. Okay. 19.

So the first thing that happens, it's my birthday. We're going to go out to dinner. And my apartment floods. I had my shirt hung up on the the sprinkler ironing twist it sprinkler explodes whole apartments destroyed all my belongings destroyed they put it on my credit report didn't let me off the hook for like eight years they they put it they put a hawk report on me or something like that for damaging the apartment it was a whole

thing people know if the fire uh sprinklers thing that sometimes they have like a little red um piece of glass that almost looks like a christmas light if you break that horrible things happen game over bro thousands of gallons in this apartment ruin the apartment so now i got nowhere to fucking live right like of course she's not gonna let me go live with her it's not even even even remotely in the cards uh so i i asked my roommate i asked my co-worker who's 24 at the time i was 19 at the time i'm like hey can i crash with you on your couch for a while till i get things figured out so i'm crashing on his couch for for maybe two or three weeks and then like our quasi friendship boyfriend girlfriend thing whatever it was

meets its end she she breaks up with me tells me this thing isn't going to work whatever like it's not going to happen um then i i go into suicide mode that's when i almost killed myself um you know outside her apartment that night i've told that story a bunch of times um don't kill myself and said you know uh limp my spoiler i was hanging on every word, you know, I go, I go to work and I'm just sitting there. My manager's like, what's wrong? He sits on the golf cart with me. He's like, what's wrong, brother? I just go. And he's just like, go home, man. Come back when you're good. Come back when you're good. So like, I go back to, you know, my friend's apartment and I literally sit there and eat peanut butter and peanut butter sandwiches

and milk for like 10 days until I'm like able to like collect myself together again, watch all abandoned brothers, every DVD that man owned really beefed up my film knowledge during that, that sad time. And, uh, and so I'm just like, well, what am I going to do? Like 10 days ago, I was ready to kill myself because like, what's the point now? You know, everything's been about getting this girl, you know, I mean, we've moved here. kill myself because, like, what's the point now? You know, everything's been about getting this girl. You know, I mean, we've moved here. We've done whatever it took. Financial hardships, whatever.

You know, my parents hated this whole thing with me moving out there. You know, fuck you. I'm going the whole nine. Like, you know, they've cut me off financially. I'm making my own money now. I'm doing well. And I had some savings, but I'm cut off, you know. And it's just,'s it's rough and I

didn't know what to do I didn't know where to go in my life what my next step was and I was just like well I'm not gonna fail I'm not gonna turn around and go home I'm gonna I'm gonna be a winner when I go home um so I gotta put my head back down to the grindstone get back on this thing and make it make some more fucking money and so that's what I did so I just went back to work and and I worked for another nine months until I felt like I was going so that's what I did. So I just went back to work, and I worked for another nine months until I felt like I was going home a winner, and I did it that way. Did you stay at this apartment?

I stayed with them the whole time, crashing on the couch, fucking nine and a half months. Did you pay rent? No, no, I didn't pay. Oh, you piece of shit. I pitched in a little with the rent sometimes. I may have left them in a tough spot when I left,

but I did the best I could. I always paid my part of the rent in any case but when i left you know i'm gone and you know i'm not there to pay the rent anymore so whatever but i paid yeah i paid rent and uh i paid for my share of the food and and all that stuff but you know i'd occasionally eat all their fucking food but in any case there are these two lithuanian motherfuckers and it was crazy living with them because they had their all i had never met a Europeans before you know how did you go from living there working at the car dealership then you you move back home right yeah so what was the the catalyst for that I was just done like I didn't want to you didn't you weren't happy uh there was nowhere to go from there like like I had already been promoted I had already like gotten as far I was making of money. I was doing everything I wanted to do out there,

but I just didn't enjoy being out there. The whole point of being out there was the girl. So like the more, honestly, the more I did, the better I did at my job. And the more that people like respected me at my job, the more every compliment I got was like bittersweet.

Cause it was like, why doesn't she see this about me? Why doesn't she care about this? Like everybody around me is kissing my ass and telling me that I'm, like, the best at this and the best at that. Like, oh, my God, how did you do this? She doesn't care. And it was just really bittersweet, and I didn't like it.

I just wanted to get out of anything that reminded me of her. I'll tell you, I've met her a couple of times, and she just seems like a normal person to me. Ah, she's great. She's just a regular person, I swear to you. I mean, I've known her longer than you have. That's great. She's just a regular person, I swear to you. I mean, I've known her longer than you have. That's true. And, you know, I dated her for another two years.

I came back, got her back like four years ago, dated her for two years. Three years ago, dated her for two years, and she broke up with me last year. And Woody was like, what's wrong? She broke up with me. Is that the one that hit you really hard? Yeah, yeah. I cried for like eight months or something like that. What are you going to do?

Cry for eight months, you know? Yeah, he cried for eight months. I don't cry anymore. Not in public or anything like I used to. I get back home, get the cry blanket out, wrap it around my head, just stop. As you do, yeah. It's a combo like sand protection turban thing. No, that really is a sad, that's not even a happy story.

You know, there's no happy ending to that. No, that's just sad. It's kind of a sad chapter in my life where, like, I feel like I wasn't good enough to be the me that I should have been. And I missed out on somebody who was really great. Were you going places and they were like reminding you of her? Like you'd go into Fridays and be weeping. Oh, we used to get any Tizers. Oh my God.

A thousand things like that. A thousand things like that. Like Woody asked one time, I was telling Woody, I was like, we watch Game of Thrones together. And he's like, has this bitch ruined Game of Thrones for you? That'll be the last straw. And I was like, nah, I mean, Jon Snow's pretty sweet. It's funny because I'm Team Kyle on this thing, right?

Whatever that is. Well, it's a tricky thing to be sometimes because it's, you know, it'd be easy if Team Kyle was, you know what? Fuck her. Fuck her with a knife. A rusty one. Jagged. You know, it'd be easy if Team Kyle was, you know what? Fuck her. Fuck her with a knife. A rusty one. Jagged. You know? Screw that girl.

I hate her. But that's not how he feels, right? Team Kyle is, you know, it's actually, I don't know. I'm not great at this. Like, it's, yeah. And I will. It's so much worse than an angry breakup is a breakup where like you're longing for it and thinking of all the possible ways you could have saved it it'd be so much easier just

to be like my best to like hold it together at the end too and just like to know of l how long did you know that it was tumbling down like was there quite a bit of way up uh no no well i mean i knew it wasn't that well. There had been a couple of stumbling blocks, but I thought things were pretty cohesive. And then there was a week period where like I did a couple of stupid things. And then instead of going to like fix it, I did some more stupid things. I feel like you're telling it wrong and I don't want to give it anything away. So I'll allow you to. But I don't think it's what you did. I think it's what you didn't do. Someone might hear you did stupid

things and think that you were unfaithful or those kind of stupid things. She had seen where I'd been communicating with this other girl through email. Shouldn't have been doing that, but the chick had been contacting me and her butt was just so big.

Just so big. What are you going to do? You're not going to not talk to her. It was just correspondence. It was just kind of like, well, what do you like to do? And I'm just like, what can I do to that big butt of yours? It was just like that kind of talk. And she saw that on my computer and my email,

and that really took things down a rough course. You didn't tell me about that. Can I say what you did did tell me i don't want to ruin anything away i don't probably what i'm going to because i don't think it's awful okay um she wanted more attention and kyle didn't give her the attention she wanted sure that was part of it yeah um and and by attention it was just like we talk about the languages of love. And I feel like we were also hitting on different ones. Like to me, a big one is like, you know, like gifts and things that I might provide for you and places I might take you and things I might pay for. Like that's kind of how I show my love in a lot of ways.

And I feel like she needed more. I don't know, more of more of one of the other ones, not necessarily physical touch. Like words of affirmation is one? Quality time is one? I don't know. I don't want to dissect my pitiful relationship from last year. I've got a new girlfriend who's just absolutely gorgeous, best-looking girl, updated in quite a while. And I like her a lot, and that's where things are now.

But yeah, I still feel bad about that whole thing. and um and i like her a lot and uh and you know that that's where things are now but yeah you know i i still feel bad about that whole thing that was a real rough time both times that every time like that girl has been responsible for like all of my biggest lows in my whole life i think like like at least responsible for a lot of your highest highs yeah yeah that too like like some of my fondest memories are like trips i went on with her and like go into Six Flags with her when we were teenagers and, you know, just like making out on her couch or something. I feel like your current girlfriend is a better fit. Now, no girl's perfect, but like,

and I'm cautious about all the things I say, but for example, the love of your ex, that's what I should call her. She didn't like hunting. She didn't like, I don't think she was particularly into guns. She didn't like some of the things. She liked guns. She liked guns, okay. She was a vegetarian, and she didn't like aspects of,

she didn't like when I used the pig as the target and stuff like that, that sort of thing. None of that stuff bothered me. I was fine. Those to me seem like some pretty core value system mismatches. No, I agreed with her in a lot of ways on that stuff. I really do. I feel bad for those animals and I had no problem eating what she ate. She had to be on a diet for medical reasons for a while. She had to be on a diet for medical reasons for a while. And it was virtually a vegan diet. And, I mean, there would be – it sounds weird to describe.

I can't remember what it's called. But there was grilled chicken involved that we would like – that was what we had to cheat with at the end because there was, like, nothing else for her to eat. There was, like, eight things. It was, like, quinoa and, like, pepper. Really? That's it? That's the only – but it but it was really only like a handful of things but i didn't i didn't mind eating her very restrictive diet like you know she was a great cook and we'd cook i don't get into this whole thing but um you know that was the that was the same girl that uh that i had the almost suicide with before hey this time around i didn't think

about killing myself so there's that hey that's great by the third breakup i won't even feel it he told me he specifically said like you know i'm not suicidal and in my head i'm like how'd that get on the table why why because last time you know i was last time i was like well let's just do this down here and then i was like but she'll find me or at least you know the ambulance will be down here and she'll ask her neighbor what's this ambulance doing down here and they'll say oh some guy shot himself in the in the parking deck last night he's over there in that black accurate tl and like you know then i ruined her life and i was like well i'll just suffer through my life so that hers will be a little easier and that was

literally what i did for a long time. And it's like admitting defeat to do that right then. I would have been happy to. I was defeated. I would have been happy with defeat. I honestly kept living to make her life easier there for a long time. And think of the life that you would have skipped. Yeah.

Like, there's been some cool shit. You don't know. If I killed myself, maybe I'd have been the emperor of like Neptune or something. We don't know what kind of reincarnations out there. I could have done some real cool shit. I feel like you've got a 20-sided D&D die and you roll it and you got like a 19 or 20

and you're like, oh, probably the next one would be even higher. Yeah. No way. Just keep fucking rolling. Because you've got all your charisma modifiers that couldn't get any higher. Well, thank you, Taylor. That means so much to me. I'm glad. I don't want you to kill yourself. You've got nice charisma modifiers, too.

Oh, you. But yeah, sad talk. I'm the gay one here, guys. Me. Sorry I was encroaching. Lower my percent back down to its normal levels. I like that little peek into your life, Kyle. I didn't know really hardly anything.

You've mentioned that stuff to me briefly before, but never much. Yeah. So then you moved back home because nothing was – I guess you felt like you got your achievement. As I was moving, i i i didn't want to be out there anymore and then like as i moved i hurt my back and i was literally on the couch for like uh like four weeks got real fat um and then just got real depressed and didn't want to do anything didn't want to work at the dealership didn't want to sell cars didn't want any part of that uh and ended up um just working with my dad for a long time. Just really enjoyed.

I felt like Rambo whenever he's done killing in Vietnam and he's out there with those monks. I really felt like I was doing that for a while, just working with my dad out in the field and just trying to get my head straight after the whole thing with the girl. And eventually that kind of leads into playing way too many video games to deal with the pain and getting real good at those video games. Cod 4. Top 4 what? I said Cod 4. Oh, oh, yeah, yeah.

And then, you know, deciding that professional poker might be an option for me. And I did pretty well at that. And I bought my first gaming console with my professional poker winnings and uh kind of started playing more so there was a time when i would play poker like all night and play video games all day and like do like zero work and uh and so yeah like like that it's it all comes full circle you know if i don't go through the depressing awful time with her almost killing myself and all then i don't end up swinging from helicopters and blowing up houses and flying drones and being Call of Duty commercials and fucking like half of Twitter or whatever I did. So, you know, you got to hurt to feel good.

There's got to be some lows so you appreciate the highs. So I'm happy with the way things have gone so far. At least I know what it feels to really love something a lot and how intense it is to lose it. I feel like those are intense feelings that I've felt. I don't feel like everybody gets that, the full spectrum of intensity of horrible, horrible lows and

super-duper highs, but I think I've had both. I'm just getting started. I'm not even 30 yet. I know. Yeah. But 30 to 40 probably goes way faster than 20 to all right what if I make it to 40 next year is gonna be fucking crazy I got some cool ideas I'm gonna get that ejector seat out the tape at that ejector seat you said yes yeah you said that that would could actually paralyze you well

they said compress my spine I mean yeah six of one right you know yeah i'm what i'm like six one six one and a half like i could do six foot flat whatever you know it'll probably make you look broader too oh i'd like that fill out those those shirts i like that yeah i don't know i'm doing all right you'd have that squat wrestler's neck look more muscular. More difficult to choke. That is true. That was just a real sad story. Why did you put me in such a bad mood? I think it was a really good segment on the show.

PKA Golden Age right here. Painful memories. Dude, we're almost three hours into the show and it's been all gold. I've enjoyed the show so far. Start to three quarters. Most of the time. Worst case scenario, 75%.

You know, average scene. I'll go to shit from here on out. We're still in the clear. So, all right. Let's talk about these video games a little more. I know we had a real video game intensive thing. I am definitely going to be playing some Black Ops. I'm definitely going to be playing some Fallout. And I i think i'm gonna have to work star wars into the

mix um i have all three of those pre-ordered right now um i think when this call is over which is faster for me to so what i wonder what the download is versus whether i do a digital download upstairs and i just go up there and click the thing or if I drive to GameStop which is like an hour long round trip what is the download that I'm going to have to do? You know when you first put the disc in? I understand the question. I'm just not your guy.

I don't have the experience with it. There's no way you'll be able to play tonight. It takes so long. I'm sure your internet is about on par with ours. Maybe even a little worse. I know you struggle with internet 14 down like two and a half up oh then yeah ours is better here and it takes fucking forever to do like i i get an xbox game put it in i have to wait five hours five or six hours and it's like i almost have to get it tonight so i can plan on playing tomorrow that's what i'm busy tomorrow till like 3 p.m. we can do the digital download that's what I'm gonna

do I'm just gonna buy it from on Xbox live and start the download I think if I get it game stop there'll be a decent chance that they have pre-orders left over because you don't have to pre-order to get new town I think if you drive to GameStop they'll be like oh yeah we get get 20% extra of the pre-order version and you'll get one of those. Can you use just the pre-order thing and then digital download it on your Xbox

and get Nuketown that way? I don't know. You're talking about buying the game twice just to get the DLC? No, I only bought the prepaid slip thing. The guy wouldn't let us buy it. I anticipated it being a code in the

case. Yeah, the Nuketown thing would be a code in the case. I pre-ordered it at Target, so they might not even be open for midnight release. Walmart's usually the best bet if you're not getting some kind of special GameStop deal, because there's a Walmart right next to GameStop where I'm at,

and GameStop will have this crazy long lines of super nerds and it stinks in there, but you can walk right over to Walmart and just go to the game section and be out of there. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. The one, or no, two times I've pre-ordered it, a Call of Duty from GameStop, it's just a really smelly, sticky looking crowd of people. Yeah, sticky is the word. You guys are, I think, more sensitive than that to me. More sensitive to that than me.

When I go to PAX, I don't think of them as a sea of body odor dispensers. Not a sea of it, but so much that it never leaves you. Yeah, it's not like every single person, but there is a higher... It's not everyone, but when you go to places like that it is a higher percentage like you can't even really deny that you guys need a few decades of working with indians and it you'll get desensitized to that you don't even have any nose hair anymore

from working next to maloot i remember pax in boston like four years ago five years ago and just that the ground floor you know you go down the escalator and you get down to the ground floor and just the smell the smell and I if I were in charge of that thing I'd be like I would I would have like Old Spice be one of the main sponsors and they would have like a giant thing of those little tubes the sample size tubes of it like at the escalator and I'd get on the fucking loud horn and be like, alright listen up you stinky sons of bitches yeah you Zelda motherfucker. Link get over here you too come on everybody. Like I'd make them, I'd tell them like this shit is free, it is non-negotiable. Antiperspirant is non-negotiable. Here's your pass and...

Your Kratos cosplayer who's just beginning his his journey through puberty and and hasn't quite tooled out his hygiene yet cannot hang with iush and shirnavas over there who just are 30 years old and still don't bathe that it's like you're just not in my league you may be right well it's if it's a contest you win because i cannot imagine that shirnavas ever came in smelling like you may be right it's if it's a contest you win because i cannot imagine that shunavash ever came in smelling like you know clean linen probably smelled like hot garbage i i don't know you know so i i felt bad because like oh you know like i guess it's in a racist in a way to categorize a culture as people who don't have the same bathing standards and uh

more than one guy on on reddit wrote me he's like no i'm indian and you're totally right you know this is a bunch of stinky motherfuckers yeah i mean it's just true like and there's a lot of factors that contribute to it but it is a true thing it might it's one of my best friends your example. That guy was just being an Uncle Vinesh. One of my best friends, he was, I guess, first generation American. And he was from Yugoslavia, which doesn't exist anymore. So you could say Serbia. But he had a thing like, you know, like what?

Like, why would I bathe? I didn't like work out or anything. And, you know, we were like like no dude every day every day like you don't need like to qualify or earn a daily shower they just come by default and we've reprogrammed him he picked up on it oh yeah he's regular American now yeah he was serving I remember yeah I, you know, so what side of the war would you be on? Because there was a civil war in Yugoslavia at the time. And he's like, we'd be on Serbian. And I was like, are you the good guys or the bad guys?

Oh, we're really bad. He's like, we are the, you know, we're like, my team is over there killing and raping and murdering children. And he's like. Seems like it's the more successful team so far, though. My team is over there killing and raping and murdering children. And he's like... Seems like it's the more successful team so far, though. I don't even know. Now that the score is posted, if anyone really came out of that as the winning... Did Serbia beat Croatia? They split into three, right?

Bosnia, right? Bosnia, Serbia, and Croatia, I think. I don't know if any of them were really the obvious winner. I know there's a ton of Bosnians, at least here in this area, because so many of them left during that time.

Yeah, I've told the story before, but the receptionist at our car dealership was Bosnian. This blonde-haired, blue-eyed chick and her ass So fucking big and she would wear these white pants with no underwear And you could just see her ass like writing inside those underwear everywhere. She went it was so fucking huge and asked a genocide for Yes, I would I would do some genocide for that ass absolutely like whatever it took whatever it took. You know, babies, women, children, old people. It wouldn't matter.

Scalps, ears, eyelids. I don't care. It was just incredible. She was the one that my friend wanted to rape that night. And I had to be like, don't show up. You texted her that? Yeah, yeah. I was like, don't show up.

Party sucks. You know, like, nobody's here. I wasn't like... Wait, this guy gave you a... Like, he clued you in? Like, hey, gonna do something a little nefarious tonight. Here's my plan as he undoes the scroll.

The family's out of town tonight, but do not worry the neighbors they don't see. I got the plastic bags over the windows. And I was like, yeah, you do. You tape plastic bags over the windows. That's real fucking good, Sergei. That was his name.

I was like, that's good. They won't be able to see in here, will they? It kind of sucks we can't see out. No, it doesn't matter. I got the security lights. No one bother us. No one bother us at all. You know, Jeanette, come.

We have some fun. And I'm just like, ah, hell yeah, man. Let's have some fun. He wanted you to be in on it? He wanted me to be in on it. Yeah, clearly. And he had told me stories of rape before in sort of a jokey fashion about, you know, man let's have some fun he wanted you to be in on it he wanted me to be in on it yeah clearly and he had told me stories of rape before in sort of a jokey fashion about you know back in russia

like he's like the bitch you say yes sergey yes fuck me harder and i'd be like bitch it is not me fucking you sorry this does not translate well i'm'm like, I think it's translating just fine, dude. I'm 19 years old and you just told me about a gangbang rape. That's all. And, you know, there's lots of stories like that. Great story, Bill Cosby. Right? And so, yeah, he had set up that whole rape thing.

So instead I texted her, like, hey, don't show up. It's not cool. And he and I sat there and we drank an entire bottle of Nemerov vodka together and ate a bunch of little pickles, as, don't show up. It's not cool. And he and I sat there, and we drank an entire bottle of Nimrov vodka together and ate a bunch of little pickles, as Russians are prone to do. Real good guy. Real solid friend. I ran up on the Yugoslav Civil War just to make sure I got my facts right. There was no winner.

If there was one, it was NATO who went in, whooped up on everybody, and made them stop fighting. That was in the early 90s, right? That's about right, yeah. Mid-90s. Was that when Clinton was bombing Slobodan Milosevic? Exactly. Yep, yep.

He came in there. There were no ground troops. We just came in with air power and wrecked house. Yeah, B-2 bombers, I think. Yeah, one of them got shot down. I don't remember. Those things were like a billion a piece by the way or maybe two billion a piece something crazy like that i just remember uh she

was always talking about slobodan milosevic and like why'd she do that spit thing when she mentioned his name i thought that was hot too because like that that was such a folksy like europe dude i don't know if girls have the same thing but like when I see a girl who has a strong passion about almost anything, that's really interesting to me. If you're really into cooking, if you really hate Slobodan Milosevic, if you're passionate about a thing, they're the same. Two sides of the same coin. It's like, oh, this is a person who has an interest, and that's kind of neat. I think that makes people interesting when they have strong interests. Hey, did you see Ben Carson's comments about the pyramids?

No, what did he say? God, what did he say? He said the pyramids were not tombs for ancient pharaohs. No, no, no. He's the new reigning Egyptologist from wherever the fuck that moron's from, says they were enormous grain bins to store the grain in he also said he also believes that the jews built the the pyramids that they were built by slaves which is also not true um that guy is an absolute like radical uh idiot and the fact that he's

i'm sorry i didn't realize you're still going the fact that he's black is even more shocking because i just expect more from them. I feel like if you're an African-American politician, you should have your shit together. You're representing a lot of people. You should get up there and you should be a shining example. And he is a shining example of an absolute idiot. Name me one white guy as dumb as that black guy. Huckabee.

I don't know well played i mean huckabee huckabee probably believes that that that the jews built the the pyramids but he wouldn't go off on some bullshit about how they were for storing grain it's challenging because because ben carson is obviously brilliant right like he i don't know at surgery and he's some sort of nationally ranked surgeon. I guess amongst his peers, he was really highly regarded. And he wasn't, I think he wasn't born into money. So he has a really neat story about how he's a self-made super surgeon.

And in that regard, you know, he's a really impressive figure. But some of the other stuff he comes up with like i i feel like he might be a product of years and years of unquestioned bowing down to him right like maybe just the way that people treat surgeons and nothing he says is ever questioned and you know like he can just sit there and be like yeah i think the pyramids were grain silos built by Jews. And everyone's like, that's an astute observation, Mr. Fuckhead. Because everything you say is... Well, that guy separated conjoined twins and nobody else has ever done that. So maybe

just let him go with his, give him a pat on the head and say, okay, that's a great silo comment. As the leading Egyptologist in Franklin County, Georgia, I can tell you right now that that is just absolute horseshit. Now, let me ask you this. In Civ 5, is there any kind of grain bonus for the pyramids?

You get some extra workers. So you get your extra workers. Are they Jewish? You know, they're all wearing white garb and kind of monochrome, but they are a little dark-skinned, I guess. They have the pitches. Do they have hook nose?

Some do. They control a guess. They have the pitches. Do they have hook nose? Some do. They control a disproportionate amount of the media. Yes. Now you've got to build a CNN tower to get that. But yeah, with Ben Carson, one of the issues I have with him for running for president is how unqualified he is. So typically

when people become presidents, they're governors. So they've run a state before. You can't be president before you're president, but you got to be something. You can be a governor. Obama was a senator and he didn't have that much time in the Senate. He had like six years, which was one of the less experienced people we've had as the president. And I'll say, I feel like he got beat up by the process for his first three years or two years or something like that, where he tried to meet the Republicans halfway. And then once he got there, they'd have him meet the other quarter. And, you know, he was just continually like seemingly getting his ass kicked in these negotiations.

He didn't get much done when they controlled. The Democrats had the House. They had the Senate and they had the presidency. And he's still struggling to get shit done. And I attribute that to his inexperience. He was only a U.S. senator for like three years. The Democrats had the House, they had the Senate, and they had the presidency, and he's still struggling to get shit done. And I attribute that to his inexperience. He was only a U.S. senator for like three years. I thought he did a term.

So maybe it was three years. Okay, I stand corrected. But for Trump, I see that as level S, right? Trump has no political experience. I think absolutely zero. But he has led a large organization before, not one that fights him back constantly because he owns it and he can fire anybody, but at least he's led a large organization. Ben Carson, as far as I know, the largest organization he's run is a six or eight man surgery team. Where his word is law. Where his word is law. If he becomes the president,

he is going to be so phenomenally unqualified for that position that it will be a national tragedy. It's a real scary landscape out there with the candidates we have left and the way it's shaping up. You've got Donald Trump

and Ben Carson leading that thing. And then you've got Rubio, I think, bringing up the third. And I feel like Rubio is probably, I don't want him, but like, all right, just not Trump or Carson. But then on the other side, I despise Hillary so much, and I fear Bernie Sanders' nonsense so much. I was thinking before this show we should coordinate, because I saw that Bernie was putting a bill forward

to legalize marijuana on a federal level, and I and i'm sure he's gonna bring that with his presidency that's one of the things he's putting out there i felt like we should mention that and then all three of us should just be 100 bernie like forget everything we've said before not mention any of the bullshit be like you know what it's all making sense now the light i see the light i see the light you know and just just be 100 on board and just be talking about how important bernie is and like just just reading off his campaign posters and just for one show be 100 like sold on his ass and how it makes sense why he has his ideas he's high as a kite i i haven't found a candidate i fall in love with um i do like casick the

republican but i feel like it percent of I feel like I think it's more. I think it's three or four. Even Bush has fallen a lot, right? Yeah, he's like seven or something. I bet it's less than three. I bet it's three or higher. Yeah, I'd take the over on less than three. Five bucks says it's two or lower. This Kasich guy. And let's do like a Politico or something like that that wasn't the fact there are dozens of polls but maybe like a politico national average or i don't know i don't know which one here real clear politics is taking the average of the five

most recent fox news quinnipact nbc ibd which i don't know in cbs and i'm looking i don't see him yet casick three percent yeah three where's bobby jindal at um two percent point five oh that hurts so aziz anzari did this really funny bit on saturday night live where he plays bobby jindal because they're both i think, I think Bobby Jindal's Indian, right? Yeah, they are. So Aziz Anzari plays him. And they're like, you know, how do you expect to make any, you know, ground? He was actually on Jimmy Kimmel.

That's where he was. He was like, how do you expect to gain any ground? You're pulling it currently 1%. And he was like, uh-uh, I'm at 2%. That's a 100% increase no one's growing by leaps and bounds like that

he's like Donald Trump spent a million dollars just on those make America great hats that's more than I've spent on my entire campaign he's like so I came up with something better I got these little suckers for a quarter each and he's got these tiny little hats and like Or like that big on his head that say make America great. It's pretty funny

It's so a lot of these Republicans in my head are running really bad campaigns, right? Like if you talk about Trump, I at least know what he wants to do, right? He wants to have a protectionist economy right where he puts a wall up from Mexico He wants to have a protectionist economy, right? Where he puts a wall up from Mexico, negotiates really hard, and I guess theoretically better than previous people have, and that it's hard to do business with the US,

and if you want to, then you have to pay the toll. And he's going to have a hard stance on immigration, hard stance on trade laws, and he wants to make America great by sort of having us not leak money. If you were to put a slogan on the hat that say jeb bush's campaign was putting out we're fucked what would it be i don't even know like what does jeb bush stand for dude they got gutted in that last debate trump has destroyed the i could do the same carson what does carson's hat say i think it says, I'm Christian. Vote for me.

I'm a cuckoo. That's his main voice. That's his thing. Yeah, I got it. I got it. Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. That goes on Ben Carson's hat. That's great.

Is there some sort of racist spin on the Cocoa Puffs because it's a chocolatey cereal? No, it's a thing my wife says about anyone who... I didn't think about that either. No, no. It's just, that's what, whenever someone, like, believes that the pyramids were built by Jews and they hold grain, she'll describe them as cuckoo for Krokovox. It's not a black thing

at all. Can I ask you, who are your parents looking at? I would guess Ben Carson. Really? Or Huckabee. i know they like huckabee how about your parents kyle um my dad has a lot of common sense when it comes to this sort of stuff uh me and him can sit and have a conversation and uh and he'll he can he'll go right along with with it with most of this stuff i don't know which candidate he would be for i'll ask him

i know i don't know which one I'm for. Yeah, exactly. On the Republican side, Kasich's my favorite. But he's, what did we say? Yeah, 3%. So... He'd probably say something like, let fucking Trump win. Fuck them all.

You know, he'd probably say something. He probably just hates politicians so much. I know he would... We don't want Hillary. You know, I don't think anyone... Anyone but her. See, I'm not there with you. By we, I mean me and my dad, I suppose.

Yeah, I don't trust Hillary. I feel like she's been in politics long enough to get dirty. She's so anti-gun. She's attacking Bernie Sanders because he's not hard enough on guns, and I'm just like, fuck this bitch. Yeah, I'm with you. I don't like that about her. She's going to gonna take him down she's gonna get the the primaries like yes

almost certainly because he had a chance to like attack with all that email stuff and then he did that dumb ass like you know I think we've been you know shake my hand Hillary I think that you've been getting too much flack here I don't know how to do politics I'm high as a kite I just walked down here I um We'll see. The thing that interests me about Sanders and his chances, everyone looks at the polls and they're like, he's down by 30 points. Like you guys are kidding yourselves, right?

It's like 68 to 38 or something like that. He doesn't have a chance. And that is a huge gap. But the thing is, all the people who say he doesn't have a chance are likely to change their mind if he wins Iowa and New Hampshire.

If he pulls both of the first primaries, then people might look at him in a different way, certainly as Hillary's peer. I prefer him to Hillary and I prefer him to several of the Republicans. If I had my pick, we've talked about Rand Paul before

I like him am I pronouncing it is it Rand or because there's two there's a father and son there's also Ron is the dead okay just wanted to make sure I wasn't fucking that up so I like him as well as I like anyone from that side Trump is honestly gonna

be up there pretty high on my pick just because I hate the theocracy that comes along with some of these other characters one from that side trump is honestly gonna be up there pretty high on my pick just because i hate the theocracy that comes along with some of these other characters like i feel like it's like three steps backward backwards i feel like we're in a point right now with the the culture of the world and the culture of this country where we're like we're starting to see the light we're starting to do things the right way when i hear about political things happening i'm like good good that's that's a good thing and it's been a while since i i i it's been like that i just feel like if you get somebody like that like huckabee like somebody like carson somebody like um really like three quarters of those republicans up there like it's gonna be

like ah every time you're gonna open the paper you're gonna be you're gonna see like oh really we're how did we end up in a war with Nigeria God told us to invade Iraq right that was literally a thing God told George W Bush to invade Iraq you know I mean I don't like that maybe he did I mean maybe I think it's more likely that George Bush Sr. told us to invade Iraq and we just went and did it they sons of bitches remember Saddam tried to kill Bush Sr. he had that whole plot to take him out

Bush Sr. came out with a book recently and he basically bad mouthed Cheney and Rumsfeld saying that those people were too hawkish, that they shouldn't have they tarnished his son's presidency by taking them into Iraq. And yeah, so what you said doesn't tie into what Bush said. You know, it's not an awful presidency if you remove Iraq.

And I know that's removing a trillion dollars and a bunch of dead Americans and 100,000 dead Iraqis and the ISIS situation and destabilizing the Middle East. But you take that back and he didn't do so bad. If you take out Iraq, hold on a second, if you take out Iraq, then you still have the 9-11 thing, which people don't blame him for, but dude, he took off the

he was in Texas at his ranch literally like clearing brush and shit for photo ops, putting it in his Ford, and he did that for a month while ignoring the security reports that they gave him and then uh so he's that's august he comes back in september and the country's attack who gets those security reports though it's not like there's a big pile of them on george bush's desk and they were like oh man hopefully he shows back up soon so someone can sift through all this information.

I'm just saying I don't like that he takes a month off before we're attacked and then – I didn't know. If something bad happens while the Obamas were on one of their cross-world vacations, you wouldn't blame him. No, dude. If Obama took a month off and then the next month something bad happened, that's all people would talk about. With Bush, I feel like he doesn't compare when it comes to time off. And I feel like somehow Bush Jr. has gotten a total pass on 9-11. He's still the – like Jeb Bush was running on the he kept us safe.

There's one thing I know about my brother. It's he kept us safe. No, you fucking fuck face he's the one who didn't he's the one who didn't you know like four people die in benghazi that's not even noteworthy under bush's true thing you know the embassies were getting attacked all the fucking time hundreds of people would die and it's not even a news story. But it's a political witch hunt. I'm comparing embassy attacks on both.

But it was a different climate than it is now. So you just give him a pass? He made that climate. Like he went to war with Iraq. People start bombing embassies and because we're pulling out of the war in Iraq, suddenly bombing embassies are our fault?

It's apples to oranges. He takes the blame for the war, but not for 9-11 itself. I don't think he takes the blame for that. Oh, I completely think that, you know, why Hillary gets shit for Benghazi and Bush gets no shit for 9-11 is insane. If there was information that Bush was hiding a ton of shit about 9-11 about how there could have been something prevented

then everyone would be on your side. Have you seen Michael Bay? Michael Bay is making a Benghazi movie. It's coming out soon. Michael Bay is? Michael Bay is making this Benghazi movie. I have no interest in that. Oh my god.

It looked like such propaganda it was like when no one would answer their call these men did and it's like it's it's like some i i don't even remember this being part of the the story that i read about what happened to gazi but there's lots of like killing bad guys who are storming an embassy and rpgs ricocheting and lots of like dramatic like it's down to us we do this or we die like kinds alone like GI Joe like ooh rah ooh rah it felt a bit like propaganda watching the the trailer I suggest less than American Sniper I didn't feel like American Sniper was propaganda I felt I felt like it showed

both sides of that thing like you know it showed him like not wanting to shoot that child and just being like put it down put it down and when the kid puts it down he's just like you know you saw his home life and how how much it affected him you saw how shattered his brother was i didn't feel like american sniper was pro war at all i felt like i felt like they uh they may have demonized the enemy in some cases to make the whole thing more palatable. But shit, I don't know. I wasn't over there fighting in fucking 2005.

I didn't even see it, but some people felt like it was pro-war. One guy compared it to the propaganda scene in... Yeah, I saw that. It was the World War II movie. Inglourious Bastards. Oh, thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's not fair.

It was not like that at all. No, it showed lots of the negatives of the war. You saw the impact it had on his family life, on his brother who also served, who seemed like a shattered man. You saw the heavy tolls it took on him emotionally when he had to carry out missions that women and children had to be shot.

There were some awful things that were happening over there, and he couldn't stop them at one point. He's pinned down, and meanwhile, a child is being murdered in the town square, and the guy's saying, this is what happens if you work with Americans, and power drill to the kid's head, and the Americans can't help him. So there was nothing that made me go, like, ooh-rah, ooh-rah, this is propaganda pumping me up and making me feel good

about what happened. The end will make you cry, that movie, because it's just like, you see the real-life footage of his funeral and all the support that he had there.

I didn't feel like that film was Oscar-worthy. I felt like it was a good movie. There were a few little things that bothered me about it. I didn't like the editing. I didn't like that fake baby. Some of the special effects I felt were weak. The blood splatter isn't

something I like. Did it win an Oscar? No. Maybe for sound mixing or some shit like that. I think it was sound mixing if I remember. It was nominated for I think Best Picture and maybe Bradley Cooper got a nod for Best Actor.

Clint Eastwood directed. But I thought it was a good movie, not a great movie. And I didn't feel like it was anywhere near as good as Gran Torino, but it was not propaganda. I didn't feel like. It really showed the toll that that war took on Chris

Kyle and the things that he had to do, the tolls that those took on him. At least in Bradley Cooper you saw it. Bradley Cooper did a great job. He did. Yeah. Well, I'll probably see the Michael Bay propaganda movie for Benghazi just because that sounds really entertaining. Oh, man.

Just not really getting into the movie, just kind of watching it in awe that someone did it. It looked pretty intense. I felt so weird watching the trailer because it was just like, this feels politically motivated. This is coming out right around this election. It felt weird.

And to see Michael Bay doing it, I don't know. I'd like to learn more about who wrote that movie, who wrote that screenplay, who owns that, who's funding it. Politically motivated movies are fun. I remember Michael Moore used to try to have big impacts on the election. He came out with Fahrenheit 9-11. He came out with a health care one. Voting for Columbine.

That's an old one. But the medical one, I thought of it just a second ago. Sicko. Sicko. Sicko, yeah, yeah, yeah. When Kyle was talking about how he worked with his father and kind of got his head back in a good space, there was a guy, they were talking about government health care, and this guy had cancer.

And he's like, this is a picture of me after chemo. They said I was healed. You know, like, all right, you're better now. And my brother's had cancer twice, so I'm kind of familiar with that like hey congratulations now you're healthy and you're totally not right you've just gone through the worst experience in your entire life you're bald you're puffy like a kind of weak fat thing going on and and after chemo you're terrible. And he's like, the government put me on this vacation for three months on like the beaches of South France. And I thought, whoa, whoa, whoa.

You lost me, right? I can maybe get on board with a single payer system, right? Where everyone pays in taxes and then the taxes pay the healthcare providers. But paying people to go to the beach seems like horseshit. And then you saw him afterwards and he was happy. He had like a martini or some sort of fruity drink in his hand. He was tan and he was fit.

And you're like, before and after. And it's like, holy smokes. Like that two-month period, three- month period where you regain your health after chemo is a medical treatment. Like it should happen. You know, mental health is a health. Physical health is obviously a health. Like that, you kind of need an opportunity to just go from chemo back to the office, which is how we do it here, is brutal. And I don't know if France is as good as he made it sound. He made it sound like every time you get a cold, there's a vacation.

Don't you want that? Oh, and then, of course, there's nannies that come and watch your kids so that you can chill after childbirth. Are there hot nannies? Hot French nannies? I bet you can remember. Are there any other kind? That's how good your insurance is. But he made it sound like everything was great and everything was free which clearly is not how world works but um i i it did convince

me that that convalescence i think that's what the term is it's not an american term um it is important should i be reading my phone right now or negative I was oh checking mine oh my god like are we in a group text that I don't know no we're all looking you know what I want to see in that Benghazi movie is I want to see him go way overboard with it with like with Megan Fox's Hillary Clinton on a table like we have to inform the people this is wrong like she's the good guy i don't know where that thing's supposed to be going but it seemed to be from you want to watch the trailer i mean the it's good i mean okay maybe it maybe it'll change my mind let's see

oh it won't change your mind like i watched the trailer and i felt uncomfortable and i was like and i read the the reddit comments and nobody else saw what i saw so i was like am i just stupid or am i like i never want to pretend like i'm the only one who knows what's going on but i guess the 13 hours 13 hours of secret soldiers of benghazi official trailer uh yes that one okay it looks three minutes and five seconds uh yeah all right maybe we'll cut it short see how it goes let me just change the screen oh we paused taylor and crazy face all right are you guys ready yes ready set play lens flare good old michael bay Lens flare. Good old Michael Bay. Libyan visa.

Official. Pull over for inspection. I'm sorry, sir, I can't do that. Pull over for inspection! I'm willing for you to die for your country. I'm going to go right here, right now. I'm gonna go right here, right now. I'm gonna go right here, right now. I'm gonna go right here, right now.

I'm gonna go right here, right now. I'm gonna go right here, right now. I'm gonna go right here, right now. I'm gonna go right here, right now. I'm gonna go right here, right now. I'm gonna go right here, right now. I'm gonna go right here, right now. I'm gonna go right here, right now.

I'm gonna go right here, right now. I'm gonna go right here, right now. I'm gonna go right here, right now. I'm gonna go right here, right now. I'm gonna go right here, right now. I'm gonna go right here, right now. I'm gonna go right here, right now. I'm gonna go right here, right now.

I'm gonna go right here, right now. I'm gonna go right here, right now. I'm gonna go right here, right now. I'm gonna go right here, right now. I'm gonna go right here, right now. We need immediate assistance. We are overrun. State's under attack. Let's go, man. State's under attack. Let's go. We gotta move! If you do not get here soon, we are all gonna die. You have a U.S. ambassador at risk. The ambassador is in his safe haven.

You're not the first responders. You're the last resort. You will wait. None of you have to go. But we are the only help they have if Optimus Prime doesn't come out of that embassy and save the day Shia LaBeouf is going to come out with a beard

let's do this. There you go. I, okay. I don't expect a documentary, but that looks like a good movie. It does look like a good movie. It looks like a good action movie. Looks like characters that you get behind, but we all know it's going to have a pretty sad ending

when our ambassador gets fucked in the ass with a stick. You know, I want John Krasinski, the guy who plays Jim in The Office, to be able to see the ambassador get shot, and then just like in The Office, he turns and gives that face with his eyebrows up. He's like, he pranked Dwight, and then he gets shot, and that's the end of the whole movie. I was wondering if you'd seen John Krasinski in there. I didn't catch him.

It's got both of Pam's men in there uh um the the um the guy who worked down in uh uh downstairs uh pam's uh fiance roy he's uh he's in the movie as well wonder if things are still heated from 2002 ah well i'm sure they they got it together so they could you know fight the libyans in this movie together i'd like kyle i think you know more badasses on this this level than i do like i knew a couple delta guys from a shoot i did um delta force guys and they god it's so disrespectful to call them blowhards but yes yes it is i don't want to say fuckhead or pussy idiot, but, you know. It just seemed like, you know, there was a little, like, I don't know, they were just,

they had some stories of, like, beating up everyone in a bar and the shit they've been through and stuff. And it seemed a little Hollywood-y. All right, so as far as somebody who's saying they're from delta look i didn't serve in the military i never like to put on make anyone think that i have or anything like that but i've never met anyone or heard of anyone who claimed or said they even knew anybody who was in the delta force so it seems a little fishy that these guys are like yeah yeah delta force here like all five of them were and they didn't say delta for like i was told they were in the delta force and then they're like putting down Navy SEALs and stuff.

Like, oh, Navy SEALs are always asking for so much attention and stuff. They'll get like SEAL Team 6 hoodies that they wear around. He's like, yeah, you know, like they might have referenced the D word or something like that. I don't know about that. But like the guys that I've met that have always been like pretty somber about that stuff. And they'll tell you stories. But never blowhard. I wouldn't know about that, but the guys that I've met have always been pretty somber about that stuff, and they'll tell you stories, but never blowhard. I wouldn't think that. The guys who have come off like that are the fake military guys

that I've seen and that we've worked with, and then later you find out, no, he's fucking lying. He's a fake this, fake that. He went for two years, and then he got busted out, or he didn didn't make it through basic or something like that there were guys on the controller who supposedly that they weren't they certainly weren't that fake right you know because they're they're fucking flying the helicopters like it's a video game you know bouncing around and he's a pilot okay i mean that

part was real and um so he's a Delta Force helicopter pilot plus, plus, plus, plus. The thing is, I just an astronaut. But there were a bunch of them. Right. So like other ones were like the minigun operators and stuff. And there was a time nobody was in the helicopter or anything, but the minigun was pointed forward and I walked in its like path and they all took like great alarm to that and I guess that's fair but

it just implied to me that they had been around mounted guns in a way that I hadn't alright I don't know in my opinion they sound like like a bunch of fakers because like the guys that the guys who really do shit don't like

tell like prideful stories like that they're always quite reserved about it because they're in their own head beating up I've heard these guys talk about I'm getting sick remember Carl from T1G he was the running the plays

he didn't braggadociously tell a story about beating up some guys in the bar. He very low-key told a story about how their commander saw that Navy Seals movie where they're parachuting in and shooting. And he thought, we should be doing that. He was like, Steven Seagal can do it. Why can't you? So he tells a story about how the guy does a jump and tries to shoot while he's landing. But he doesn't have both paddles or whatever you call them and breaks his ankle.

And he told us a few stories about killing people and this and that. But it wasn't anything braggadocious and it wasn't anything outrageous. And that's the common thing that I've seen from people that are genuine, is that when they tell the stories, they don't come off like a douche. But whenever I watch this guy on YouTube who exposes fake Navy SEALs, and he goes from place to place, like you'll call this guy up, contact him on YouTube and be like, hey, there's this guy, hangs out at my bar. He says he was a Navy SEAL, this, this, and that. Well, this guy will do the research, and he'll show up on your doorstep and be like, are you claiming to be a Navy SEAL this this and that well this guy do the research and he'll show up on your doorstep and be like are you claiming to be a Navy

SEAL is that a that a Navy SEAL trident you're wearing right there are you blah blah blah and he'll expose them right there and humiliate a little yeah it's called stolen valor I think it might be a crime I'm not really sure I think it might be a military offense yeah they're they probably put you in jail for it. It is very frowned upon by everyone. But I've also seen on shoots and when we did that controller thing, there were guys there whose credentials included special forces training, but they clearly had barely had basic training like you know the guy was like oh yeah i was a

machine i was in the marine corps i was a i operated the uh a ma deuce i did this and that i was a machine gunner and uh and i don't know enough about the military to dispute anything the guy says but you know there's a military guy there and he's like well are you trained as a rifleman or something like that he said well no no, and he's like, well, are you trained as a rifleman or something like that? He said, well, no, no, no. And he's like, but all Marines are trained as riflemen. And I don't even know if that's accurate. But, like, he just kept catching them in these weird lies where they didn't know, like, random stuff.

And then seeing those guys shoot. On the last day of that thing, I ran. We set up the course where you had to go down through the zip line. You had to shoot four targets, and then the timer stopped. And I ran that thing pretty much flawlessly. I missed one shot. I was out of breath when I got to the thing. But I think I fired five shots, four targets, something like that.

And that was the one day where instead of the video gamers like XJaws and Hex and all those guys shooting, instead of them, it was the Special Forces guys shooting. I didn't just beat all the Special Forces guys. I beat them by, like, a factor of, like, 200% or something like that. It wasn't even close. It was laughable. There were people laughing at them, snickering, because, like, it took me, whatever, the five shots to hit four targets, and it was taking them.

The nine was the lowest score for any of them nine shots for four targets what kind of gun targets about this fucking big uh an ar-15 with an acog at about 40 yards uh child's play really and um and i'm not saying that i outshot some special forces guys i'm saying that they were fake special forces guys or something like that like i'm saying their credentials weren't what they said they were otherwise like they're just i don't i don't think i get that rusty all right like i shoot my air 15 a couple times a month but like i just don't get so rusty that it would take me nine shots or more nine was the best score to hit four targets at that range it just doesn't happen and it doesn't i mean i could go grab my cousin right now and he'd lay him out in five or six shots.

I'd grab Woody. Woody would lay him out in less than nine shots. It was shocking to see these guys embarrass themselves like that. And so when you say that there's like five Delta Force guys together on one shoot. They'd all serve together. They were all friends or something. It just seems fishy. But who knows?

Maybe these guys are like the the creme de la creme of the u.s military because that's what the delta force is it's supposed to be like the best of the best like they they might pick one navy seal who's the best of the best and one army ranger or whatever like that's what they're supposed to be i looked up stolen valor it's a crime yeah it was a it was a crime before and 2013, it became a more serious crime. Like, what's the punishment? And what does it entail? Like, just going around and saying, like, oh, I'm a Navy SEAL.

Or anything. Like, I'm in the Army. So the punishment, I think that defined a maximum. It was something like it can't be more than a year in prison to die over here. You can't spend more than a year in prison. And there's a fine, but it doesn't mention the amount. And for what it is, it's people who make themselves out to be a recipient of Medal of Honor, Distinguished Cross, Navy Cross, Air Force Cross, Silver Star, Purple Heart, Combat Infantryman's Badge, Combat Action Badge, Combat Medical Badge,

Combat Action Ribbon,, combat action badge, combat medical badge, combat action ribbon, or combat action medal. Or any replacement or duplicate for such medal as authorized by law. I don't fully understand it, but that was the list. It's pretty much a bunch of medals and badges. If you pretend to have those when you didn't really get them, then you can... It's a real law. He'll catch people wearing a combination of metals and uniform that's impossible he's like so you're like distinguished service cross from the navy

but you also managed to be airborne and you're a navy seal but you're a rear admiral for the cia i see and it's just like, are you James Bond? Because I know some of you guys never get to, you know, that you just get disavowed and you never get to talk about the things you've done. But are you James Bond? Or you go into space and save us on a regular basis? Is that you? Like, no, I don't think so.

It seems like you would do some research if you were going to fake that and make sure that your medals matched up and made sense. I have a whole new topic, but i got excited about it you know the nasa the nasa nasa is hiring astronauts for mars they're hiring right now yeah for a man trip to mars yeah that's i got a i got a letter go ahead on like i got a letter i'm in the early acceptance on that i'm gonna i'm gonna get into that oh really no is the letter by your navy cross use that as a paperweight right that sounds awful i would not want to be the first let somebody else go in and figure out how mars is and if it's habitable. You don't want to be the first guy to go.

I wouldn't have wanted to be the first guy on the moon. Part of me would love to do that. I'm a man of certain responsibilities. I feel like it shouldn't be me. Shit. I don't want to take it off topic too much. I was pulling a tree stump out with my tractor. The tree stump came and it flew at me.

And I immediately thought, wow i almost died the thing must have weighed 15 pounds and flew at me at like 60 miles an hour dented the tractor i fixed it but um uh it got me thinking like if that thing was three feet over it would have hit me in the back of the head and it literally would have decapitated me like that's how heavy and fast it was going so i talked to chiz about it and he was like yeah you know i've started thinking about my family which is appropriate you know like ah where would hope be without me to guide her through college and whatever where would colin be where would jackie be could jackie get a new husband with colin and toe like i don't know these are all like really big deals and um and then chiz was like right then you need to think about the staff at Woody craft and how many

people have their wagon hitch to yours. Like it would be a really big loss. And, uh, that's the kind of thing that sinks in my head when I think about going to Mars as if this is a decision I have to face. Like, yeah,

I guess I just shouldn't be that guy. Too many lives would be negatively impacted by mine ending. I don't know if I'm going to make to Mars. like you're gonna know I'm just fucking night I am I feel like you might get me sick over Skype I'm concerned like I'd like to end this thing soon I'm kind of dripping with sweat right yeah you look like you got a lot of a lot of fluids going on it looks like you just finished watching slingblade yeah yeah yeah yeah The eyes are tearing up really bad. I've had a really bad cough since

I started getting a sore throat on the way back from San Antonio on the plane. And it's just gotten worse every day. And it's just a hacking deep congestion cough where I just hack and hack and hack trying to get something to come up. That just sounds terrible.

Sounds like what I would imagine a mummy to breathe like. That was PKA episode 255. Kyle, I know how sick you are. Thank you for making it even though you're sick. I thought the show was fucking awesome. Golden age of PKA.

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They'll take care of all the hard shit for you. Yep. PKA 255. See you next week. Good night, everyone.