Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #256

Episode Date: November 20, 2015

This week on PKA, Lamb skin condoms...what's the deal with those?! Lots of Fallout 4 and Black Ops 3 discussion and the guys talk about who's funny in the world of stand up comedy. 

Live! Painkiller Already, episode 256. God damn. This episode of Painkiller Already is being brought to you by Dollar Shave Club. Shave time, shave money. Dollar Shave Club. Check them out in the description below. For all your shaving. Description to below, annotation on the side, and we'll talk about them again more mid-show, but we appreciate our sponsors. Love Dollar Shave Club. we appreciate our sponsors love dollar shaker um oh taylor i feel like you're the most knowledgeable on the mizzou thing although i've tried to become so um in in pre-show talk you seem like you had it all laid out so yeah um i tried to be like ever from the from the beginning of it when it all happened so i guess we'll lay it out because kyle was not familiar so basically the mizzou student association president who i

guess kind of sticks up for students when they're feeling like they're not in a safe space or something like that uh god forbid a college entertained more than one idea at once uh he said that some uh good old-fashioned southern southern Missouri white boys were driving around a truck in Columbia, where Mizzou is, and yelling the N-word and offensive things at black people. And then later he was like, oh, and it didn't even have a license plate. This was all started by the fact that they said that someone had drawn a shit swastika on the wall and written something. The poop bandit strikes again. They wrote a swastika with shit? With shit. Did they specify human shit? I think it was implied. You know. Okay. There's a different texture though. Like animal shit it probably would have just crusted

up and fallen off. You need that. You get some dog shit I feel like and get something done. Or cat shit. I feel like a bunch of pig shit, if you rolled it up and made a larger turd, like you could... Almost like chalk. Yeah. That's what the Cape Man used. It's true. Anyway, so he said that there were some country boys driving around

saying racial epithets in his direction, and then after he tweeted this a bunch of people were freaking out saying oh you know this happened to me too and i can't even walk around my campus i feel so you know i've gone there for five years and i don't i've never felt safe walking around mizzou and you know i've spent a lot of time there and so of course i'm white but i've never been walking behind like a group of black people to class and someone just drives by and I'm like, well, I'd never like, you know, it just doesn't happen. And after this guy was tweeting about it and talking about it, he also propagated this idea that there were cake. There was a KKK meeting and that a bunch of students were like, oh, we shouldn't even go to class tomorrow.

I don't even feel safe with the KKK on campus. I don't even feel safe with the KKK on campus. And it was like, okay, well, first of all, there aren't meetings of the KKK out in the middle of a place where it doesn't show up on film. Like, you can't jack off and not hit someone filming something. I don't know. They've got kind of a members-only policy, I think. It's not like. Yeah, they're pretty select. At this point, I would think that they're less members-only.

They're trying to get anyone. Very unpopular group. The KKK, you say. popular yeah right there's black people and mexicans joining because they've really opened the doors yeah brown power tool home yeah so this uh student association guy was tweeting that the kkk was holding like a group like threatening the black students there that you know you better not come to school tomorrow and I was looking all over the place for any evidence of this. Like, because at this point in this day and age, if you can't find something that ridiculous,

like, because if anybody had a sliver of evidence with their phone, it would have been all over. I want to know, there's no evidence of any of this. Even the shit swastika, there's no evidence that that happened. That was years ago. Oh, come on. That shit swastika was made. If I encounter a shit swastika, I'm snapping a photo. That was years ago. A shit swastika was made. If I encounter

a shit swastika, I'm snapping a photo. That's a keeper. And especially after it becomes national news, you know that the entire campus, white and black everyone, was trying to get a glimpse of this reportedly red pickup truck driving around yelling racial epithets

or of a KKK, even a guy wearing something that could be construed as the KKK, like anything at all, people would be trying to find it. And there's no evidence of any of this. And recently, I guess just today, that guy had to apologize for fabricating this story about the KKK coming to

campus. But this is after a huge hullabaloo about, you know, this whole campus being racist. They made the president of the university step down. He resigned. This is a man's career and the rest of his life. That's a well-paying job.

It was inaction. Not because he did anything. They were saying, you haven't taken enough action to make sure that this campus of 35,000 students. This sounds like a South Park episode. Yeah, it's going to be a South Park episode. I'm calling it. Like, it's going to be. Dude, Dude, if you've seen the most recent one. I'm sorry. Keep going. I just feel like I want to reiterate the complete lack of evidence. And they asked

some of the student leaders on this, like, what did you want him to do? Like, what action was he supposed to take against imaginary meetings and imaginary poopy swastikas that no one has any proof like a total clamp down on other imaginary offenses as well like it i feel really bad that this guy lost his job i don't know if he was good at it otherwise i have no idea but this is what got him resigned i didn't want to say fired and uh, like, his life is turned upside down. Like, this guy got really messed with. And we didn't even mention the football team. Yeah, the football team, which they threatened, you know,

oh, all the black players on the Mizzou Tigers football team were like, hey, we are not going to play against Brigham Young University if this president doesn't step down. Like, we're not going to do that. So all the good players wouldn't play anymore? Oh, good players. They've already lost more games than they've won. They're not going anywhere this year.

How about you just step down? Let's put Team Whitey on the field and see if we can make a change out there. That's what they should've done. They should've had a bunch of white guys out there, fuckin'— Like, the kicker runs out and he misses the ball and falls on his ass.

Like, this isn't gonna go well. No, no. No, the kicker probably is fine. He's probably white in the first place. That was playing with a butterfly, and that was skipping. See, and I'm trying to, like, fill in the running back positions. Like, Cody Whitaker is a volunteer from the history building. Your coach, John Farmer.

I've thrown nails in hay before, but I ain't never played football. They're all 5'8". I'm not getting the shit kicked out of them. But, yeah, so they threatened to do it, and at that point, that's a real power play move because apparently if they didn't play against BYU, obviously BYU is missing a lot of opportunity to promote their own brand,

and so they would have to pay BYU a million dollars for missing that game, in addition to pretty much throwing their whole season, which is already thrown. They're not getting fucking anywhere. But that also sets a dangerous precedent for the future of like, oh, we don't agree with what happened on campus here. All right, the whole university baseball team decides not to play.

We're not playing until you bring Go-Gurt back to the cafeteria. I'm sorry, baseball team. No one gives a fuck if you play or not. i'm just trying to think of another sport that people basketball college that might work but uh yeah and let me say firsthand like i know that racist stuff has happened on that campus in the past uh when i was there in 2010 uh there's a black culture center and it was like all over our email of like uh cotton balls littered all over the black culture center like a bunch of like racist pieces of shit took like hundreds of thousands of cotton balls that i guess they went to walmart and bought inconspicuously

and just strewn them all over the whole place and of course there was tons of footage on of that like they cleaned it up almost immediately, of course. But people still got pictures of it. People still got tweeted out there. It became a big thing. So I know that shit does happen. But if there's no evidence in 2015 of it, it's just hard to believe that nobody got any pics of this at all. Someone had a hunger strike, right?

Yeah. His family, they made like $8.6 million last year. His dad's a railroad executive, which apparently exists still. Apparently people are railroad executives from the railway family. He's paying somebody. Yeah. They have all that Chiz money. So that guy went on a hunger strike, and his family's worth like $20 million.

I heard that. He said, I was watching a clip today today which i only saw like five hours ago uh he was tweeting and claiming that the president's car hit him and he was saying like oh i got hit by the president's car four days later and still no justice for this and the clip came out and it's a big group of the protesters like locked arms across the road the president the car the president's in a red convertible is pulling up like trying to get by and they won't let him and so you actually see the car back up like trying to get away and the protesters don't know what to do with like well this was unanticipated we were kind of hoping that he would run into us and he tried to do like a

back and turn maneuver to kind of get around him And he was going maybe a half a mile an hour trying to get around them. And you see the guy who did the hunger stripe actually run up to the car. So he ran into the car more than the car ran into him. My dog did that once. Yeah, the car hits him about that hard. And that was the big hubbub. Like the whole thing just seems contrived. And, you know, I'll be the first to admit like racism definitely exists

and is a problem in some ways. Absolutely. Like, that whole cotton ball thing I described, that wasn't a one-time-off. Like, I'm sure they didn't cotton ball the black history or black culture center again. I'm sure they came up with something new. But that does happen. But there's no reason to just make it up and get people all pissy. I feel like I've been a victim of racism.

You know? I absolutely feel like I've been a victim of racism I absolutely feel like I've been a victim of racism One was at The first school I ever went to was William Patterson And I've told this story before So in fast forward I got on an elevator And then It was like five black guys going on And they might have been athletes

But I didn't know them They were all big, guys and uh they said I think I took the elevator two flights and they maybe took it four or five and they felt like at two flights I should have taken the steps and um uh they just when the door opened they're like you know you're not fucking getting off this elevator and they're like leaning on the door closed and basically keeping me in this cage with them it was a little frightening but all that really happened is they forced me to not get off the elevator right up to the fifth floor with them they all got off and then i took it back down but it was definitely a white thing like they they called out my color that's's when you should have pulled your pants down and just shat yourself.

Just like, alright, your call. I had to go. I had irritable bowel syndrome. I need to get out right now. Bend over and start spinning 180 degrees just shitting on all of them. And then there's another one. When I worked at Cisco, and I don't think I've talked about this before,

but I have mentioned, I was in a group of 22 people in it. 18 were Indian. And that seemed like a really large percentage to me. Now, for years there, I was like involved in the hiring process. And it always seemed so fishy because 100% of my manager was Indian. 100% of the resumes that came to me were Indian guys. And I talked to them. I was like, what's happening here?

Like, why is it that I've never seen like an American resume? This is like 100%. It's 100%. Yeah, yeah. It's 100% Indian guy. There's no black guys. There's no white guys. There's no Asian guys. There's no Native American Indian guy. There's no black guys. There's no white guys. There's no Asian

guys. There's no Native American Indian guys. There's no nothing but Indians. I'm like, are you filtering these or something? He's like, no. HR filters them before they get to me. I don't know what's true, but I do know...

Find the racism there. If I put an ad on craigslist for a programmer i promise you i wouldn't get like a hundred to one ratio of indian to everything else combined resumes something was fucking happening there like cisco's employing some some racist hiring practices we need to get to the bottom of and no joke they totally are they are like like i am a hundred percent confident cisco is employing some really fucking racist hiring practices um it was it was widespread and uh managers probably just hiring a close personal family no they weren't

it could have been at a higher level like it they could have been working through did the whole building smell like indian people or was it just when you had to get close to them during lunch time uh like the cat was there a cafeteria there was but a lot of them ate in their cubes and they like they bring their their h1b workers are paid less um they're that's why they hire them so uh so a lot of these guys would stay like set, they'd like rent a townhouse, maybe with three bedrooms or something, pack like nine guys in it. And, uh, um, you know, sleep on floors and stuff like that and work at Cisco. Uh, a lot, this is all generalities, of course. Right. But they were, they're very frugal with their money. They sent a lot home

and, um, uh And they would eat. They would bring their own lunches to save money. And you could smell it. I like Indian food. I like Indian food too. I even like the way Indian food smells. I don't like the way Indian people smell after they eat Indian food. I like it as a change of pace.

Indian food, if you've never had it, there's a lot of really rich, heavy foods. And a lot of it's vegetarian, too. But when you finish eating Indian, you are not hungry anymore. You have been filled up. And that's not always what I want for every meal. And that's not just Indian people, Kyle,

the way they smell after eating Indian food. Anyone. Pick the whitest motherfucker in the world, and if you feed him that very pungent spice rich food, he will smell the wrong thing. But it's mostly the Indian people who eat every single day and then don't use

deodorant or wash on a regular basis. We talked about the Mizzou thing and this guy whose family's worth 20 million dollars going on a hunger strike. I didn't like that the football player was like you know there's a black man's life at stake here i have got to you know stand next to him and it just seemed i guess it's all race motivated but i don't know it just seemed like

if it was a white guy fighting for right fuck him it was the people doing it like i think that they're they're not willfully being like, yeah, well, most of them. Like, it's only the tippity-top people, like the guy with the hunger strike, being like, I can take advantage of this situation and make it fit my agenda. Most of the people on Twitter, like, aside from the ones who are just flagrantly lying about it, think that they're standing by a good cause. So I don't fault them. Like, they think they're doing the right thing. Like, they don't know that the KKK isn't actually there. Like, I'd be kind of peeved if I were black and i knew the kkk was on campus like it's like the fuck like

get those assholes out of here so it's not like every person who was involved in it's bad it's just really opportunistic and shameless race baiting by the media and a few select individuals that costs a couple people their livelihood i wonder if they if there's some sort of like uh if the president i wonder what his like deal was because he must have gotten a good deal if he uh if he stepped down on it if he stepped down i bet he's getting paid a lot of money for a long time you got a video here yeah there's a similar thing has been going on at Yale. So God, I hope I have all my facts, right?

But if I do, they sent out an email and it essentially said, we're not going to be censoring your Halloween costumes, you know? So what that means is that if someone, if someone wants to do blackface, if someone wants to do native American Indian, if someone wants to be a Muslim or, or whatever, somebody wanted to dress up as the twin towers right as their

halloween costume that's fine yeah all right pretty tasteless but as long as they've got a plane involved somewhere that's where you get your girlfriend involved ah she like runs at you and jumps in your arms and it's cute So we're flipping over to the Alright, are you ready to play? What you're gonna see here in the first like three seconds of the video he says something like other people have rights to, I forget but anyway

tune into the first couple seconds and it's only a minute twenty long. Ready, set, play. home for the students that live in Silamant. You have not done that. By sending out that email, that goes against your position as master. Do you understand that? No, I don't agree with that. Then why the fuck did you accept the position? Who the fuck hired you?

I have a different vision. You should step down. If that is what you think about being a master, you should step down. It is not about creating an intellectual space. It is not. Do you understand that? It is. A home here? A safe space? Oh, this is hilarious.

The school should be a home, a safe place. Not a place of learning. Yeah. It's almost over. I hate these videos when you've got some obnoxious cunt just yelling at someone in the streets. There should be someone there to spray her with something, right? There's security guards. They popped out of nowhere.

She starts yelling and security guards came around. And it didn't look like it was a big group of students for the most part who were like, yeah, you tell them, girl. You're speaking the truth. A lot of them just had that gritting their teeth of like, oh my god, this is going to be online. I have a Yale shirt on right now dude so she the essence of her argument was because they're allowing because they're not censoring halloween costumes right they're allowing almost anything i guess it's not to uh i would guess you

need to wear clothes but because they're not censoring halloween costumes for good taste that they feel like it's not a safe space anymore. So I read this article on the Washington Post. He went out of his way to not disagree with the students, but portray them as a crying wolf. Central to his description was amenities in the dorm in which they live in safe heated buildings with two Steinway grand pianos, an indoor basketball court, a courtyard with hammocks and picnic tables, a computer lab, a dance studio, a gym, a movie theater, a film editing lab, billiards tables, an art gallery,

and four music practice rooms. But they can't bear this setting that millions of people would risk their lives to inhabit because one woman wrote an email that hurt her feelings. So yeah, let me do that one more time. Two Steinway grand pianos, indoor basketball court, courtyard with hammocks and picnic tables,

a computer lab, a dance studio, a gym, a movie theater, a film editing lab. This is where she lives. Billiards tables, an art gallery,

and four music practice rooms. Practice rooms. And she's saying that she's not safe there? What the fuck? I bet there's like 15 security guards employed at that building. That safe space is different, Woody. She can't have these ignorant people around her hurting her feelings. Her feelings are paramount.

It should feel like home. It's Yale! And home is where everyone just, you everyone just toes the party line and agrees. Can you imagine her at Thanksgiving? Like, God forbid you bring something up that she doesn't agree with. Like the grandpa who's senile says something a little racist. Someone like that does not celebrate Thanksgiving.

They would go donate their time to some Native Americans or something during Thanksgiving. No, they wouldn't. They would tweet about it. They would tweet about donating their time. Which is the most bullshit thing ever. All these co-opting other causes and tweeting about it. All that is

is saying, oh, in the midst of this tragedy, what's really important is that everybody pay attention to what I'm saying right now. I'm the one who, look at the side I'm taking. Look at my strong stance. This isn't all about those people who are victimized. This is, you know, I gotta take 1% of the pie for myself.

Like, it's just shitty. I wish you guys had seen the most recent South Park because they're alluding that this whole season has a bigger overarching, like, secret storyline going on that we just kind of got a hint at in the last episode. The whole PC principal thing and the whole town becoming a safe place and politically correct. But it tackles police shootings,

police brutality, ISIS. The last one is hilarious. It's really good. I won't spoil anything. It's really good. But the whole season of South Park has kind of been making a mockery of political correctness and I love it.

God. like this whole season of South Park has kind of been making a mockery of political correctness. And I love it. Yeah. I, God, I try to stop myself from like complaining about young people. Cause why don't I just get a fucking red convertible and finish the stereotype of aging white guy, but a Lotus maybe. Yeah.

Yeah. That's good thinking. um uh i guess every generation does have their thing and this one seems to be like uh i don't know they're pushing back the world in an effort to make it better but as part of the world i feel like nah you're you're just imposing a set of rules upon me that I don't accept. Yeah. This is what happens when everybody gets a medal. Like, everybody thinks that they should be, get the little pin of like, your opinion is validated.

Retweet it. I knew as a kid, like, I remember Little League and us all getting those trophies and me being like, but I lost the game. I was like, you know, I fucked up. You know, I was the pitcher and we lost the game. That was the championship game. Why don't we get a trophy? And Deb being like, I don't know. Everybody got a trophy.

And me just feeling like, well, what's the point? What's the fucking point? I was like, I was trying so hard and I lost. And, like, now this makes the loss even worse, really. Yeah, it hurts your feelings. It's like like it didn't matter if i won anyway i cared so much i think the trophies are often different right they are different but we didn't get to hang out with the other team we got a pizza party and we all got a fucking uh trophy we should have been sent home in shame after that performance i remember one of my hockey coaches didn't play that shit and we were like like it

was near the end of the season. We were good enough to like make the playoffs. And he was like, like before the games, you guys have been playing great. You know, right after this game, we're going to Red Robin. We're getting burgers. It's going to be a great time. And we, everybody was so focused on that, that we played like shit and just got trounced by a team we shouldn't have.

Comes back in and we expected it where it's like, well, we already, you doing okay we still get we still get to go to red robin right we still get our whiskey river barbecue burgers and he was like that is not the style of play that is rewarded with burgers i love him burgers we had to play good next week like oh wait it wasn't the playoffs no we had already made the playoffs and this was like an inconsequential game i follow i was like what kind of playoffs is there and second chance i guess hockey playoffs typically but i whatever even as like an eight-year-old when you'd get that that trophy the participation one like even then i kind of felt insulted like they didn't think that i was smart enough to figure out that i lost you know like i know that's what you were saying right Kyle like it's yeah yeah I don't think I was the only one that like clued in like I was just like I don't like I think it was because I took the loss worse than

everyone else because I was pitching when we lost and I and I like walked somebody we lost the fucking game so like I lost the game in my head and I did I did lose the game and so like to be rewarded with this trophy when I've been crying on the way to Pizza Hut, you know, it's just like, what the fuck is this for? Like, today's the worst day of my life. Why do I get? I'm sitting here glowing with pride, filling the stereotype of dad this time because we're talking about all these trophies. And my daughter does speech and debate. It's called National Forensics League.

That's like the group that does it. So NFL. And she's like leading her school in NFL points. and she's coming home with a trophy every week not because everyone gets a trophy but because she's fucking shit up every time she's got a room full of trophies they'll have to be in the house tour NFL all-star yeah but she's uh yeah there's no participation trophies in that league. Alright, so let's talk about video games. I wanna get to it. I wanna talk about video games.

Because I've been playing Black Ops and Fallout 4 and... Is this the time to bring up WoodyCraft.net? Fuck you, haters. I think so! Fucking haters! I wish there were sound effects like, Ging, ging, ging, ging, ging! And the shit dropped down and like, went crazy and there was a light flash.

That's right, it's Woodyody craft time! get pumped! get pumped! and I was just like fuck this shit yeah oh do you not like when I mention it? suck a dick haters anyway you were saying something no not minecraft I'm talking about fallout 4 and I'm talking about black

ops 3 um let me just give my thoughts real quick I'll sum it up in like 60 seconds about both games. Take your time. All right, so I've really enjoyed Black Ops 3. I suck at the multiplayer, but I'm still enjoying the new aspects of it. It doesn't feel like Call of Duty. It doesn't feel like Call of Duty most of the time.

In gunfights, sometimes it'll feel like it again, and you get your killstreaks and stuff. It feels like COD. And, of course, the game modes are there that you're familiar with but something about the wall running the specialist packages and the fact that literally some of the enemy combatants are robots 100% and also the taunts at the end of every game when like the enemies like these like full metal everything or it's like some chick be like yeah fuck you in the ass you know I don't like that it's like some chick being like, yeah, fucked you in the ass. I don't like that. It's silly.

But whatever. My 60 seconds aren't up. Fallout 4. I have a question for you. When I'm finished, I'll accept questions. Interrupt Barack. You see everybody do that to Obama? He's up there. And then Siri. No, no, not you, Ivanheimer

from NBC. No. Fallout 4, I think, is like an 8 out of 10. There are some... I'm playing on Xbox One. It sticks to the same formula that was perfect. Although I feel like after seven years, I expected somewhat better graphics. But whatever.

It's kind of what you get out of them with all their games. It's a little substandard on the graphics, I feel, at times. But the gameplay is amazing. It's much more like a first-person shooter now. It feels like Call of Duty at times. You've got the sprinting and the first-person viewpoint. I switch to third-person occasionally for stuff, but most of the time I'm playing it like a first-person shooter. I still use VATS because I love VATS. I love what they've done with power armor now. It's more like putting on an actual big power armor suit. You've got your regular armor under it, and you've got a power fusion course. The base building and the settlement building is really freaking

cool. I've experimented with it a little. I like that a lot. You can customize your guns to infinity and beyond. I love that because there's tons of unique weapons and the higher you set the difficulty level, the more legendary enemies there are out there and those legendary enemies when you kill them drop legendary loot. So it might even be a legendary deer but if you kill it, there's some legendary loot in it and the legendary enemies when you kill them drop legendary loot so it might even be a legendary deer but if you kill it there's some legendary loot in it and the legendary enemies are super hard to kill most that i'm playing on hard not very hard but still like most of the time when i'm walking around i'm afraid i'm afraid of what might be over the corner or around the bend and i sneak around a lot and i run most of the time. You're level 20 now, right? 21 now. In COD, you said it doesn't feel like COD.

So for the record, I bought COD twice actually, PC and Xbox One. But I haven't played it yet, so I don't know. Did you play Advanced Warfare? Because it has a lot of the same movement mechanics that... Yes, and they've improved upon them dramatically. The way you slide around on the ground and boost there, I like that better. And you're not jumping and flying around as highly. And they've changed upon them dramatically. The way you slide around on the ground and boost there, I like that better, and you're not jumping and flying around as highly,

and they've changed the map so you can't get into weird areas or anything. It really feels conducive to the flow of the game. I'm not saying I hate it. I'm just saying it doesn't feel like COD. The boost is mainly vertical, too. In Advanced Warfare, you could rocket across the map in this unless you're wall running up in the air.

You kind of just float up with your boost Like you barely go forward But is it and again? I don't have time in these games, but I'm stuck I feel like if it looks like advanced warfare, which you know if you got two years in a row now This is what Cod feels like but I played advanced warfare This feels different in a few ways um the the weapons damage is much lower in this and i feel like i feel like you got to hit a guy four good times to get a kill

now especially especially if there's any wounding him or hitting him in the limbs or you know a little bit more distance than your smg wants to operate at whatever four or five shots sometimes sometimes i feel like with like a suppressed submachine gun at medium range i gotta shoot him seven times or something like that so that's the biggest change to me because i felt like advanced warfare you were just getting lasered all the time by people and just black black ops one was like that i felt like it i remembered almost all the other cods if i see a guy at a distance and he's running across the way i'd shoot him in black ops one like it if he's not standing still like there's a lot of opportunities where maybe you just let that go

because all you're going to accomplish is put yourself on the radar yeah it's um this game is like that i feel like if there's a guy sprinting across the map then you're gonna be a badass to get him running you gotta like stick on your target get three good bursts into him you're going to be a badass to get him running. You've got to stick on your target and get three good bursts into him. You're not going to one-burst him like a COD4 M16 or something like that. I prefer that, though. You prefer more bullets? I prefer more bullets to kill. And it's coming from someone who me and Kyle were getting our shit packed in the other night.

Big time. Trying to just go positive, you know. True. It was rough. But zombies really redeems it for me because I love zombies so much. to just go positive, you know. It was rough. But Zombies really redeems it for me because I love Zombies so much. And I played with Taylor maybe 10 hours of Zombies, 12

hours of Zombies. We didn't get crazy far. We played Derise. I think that's not how you pronounce it. Derise, whatever. And we got to like 26 or something in that. But I don't know. That was like a second or third run that when you wear uh... but we play the new map the one with all the

you know the a list celebrities you had a gram and uh... jeff goldblum and uh... what's his name from from the moment the ron perlman and at a blonde hair guy who's a sporting actor not yet those guys uh... so the new map is pretty cool it reminds me of alcatraz because you turn into the Cthulhu monster, the beast, and go around. It's all based on Lovecraft stories, Lovecraftian stories. The guy who wrote all about Cthulhu. You turn into those monsters, they come and try and kill you.

It's a really cool theme. I like that theme. I like it too. The other night, Taylor, myself, and his girlfriend, I think we got to about round four, and we had been playing for an hour. Yeah. Because there's so much to do. You're probably scratching your head at that,

but what we do is we leave one zombie running and somebody keeps it busy while the other members interact with the environment to get things turned on and to open doors and to interact with the environment. Turning things on, smashing walls, completing this huge ritual you have to do. It's not that I think you're not moving quick enough.

It's that I wonder if it's fun, right? Like I like killing zombies. I like rape training zombies. I'm not great at zombies, but you know, that's what I like doing. When things are going my way and I've got the right gun in my hand, you know, maybe I've got an upgraded SMG, or I'm sorry lmg in one and a laser in the other which i'll use when i come rescue

people that's when i'm having the most fun when i'm having the least fun is when there's one zombie and we're solving puzzles yeah what do you be like fuck this round five and then like the witches come out and out is like witches The three-headed Cthulhu monster comes and we all die there's the and I'm not making those things up those things happen There are witches and there is an enormous Cthulhu monster with three heads That does in the wasp rapes your shit the wasp In certain rounds like I'm sure you remember like every rounds, all those dogs with flames on it, or the monkeys, and then you get a max ammo at the end.

This time, it's these yellow wasps that fly around, huge wasps, and they spit shit at you. They're really easy to handle. You just got to strafe and pause for a second and a half, and then strafe again, and they can never target you. Yeah, they're not too bad. It's just obnoxious, because there's a lot of them. There are a lot of them. But yeah, i know what you're saying that's when i like

zombies too but to do that in this and and keep in mind we were learning as we went there was like uh his girlfriend's watching the youtube video and going like um all right all right so now you're gonna zip up there and power this and then jump off here and run down the corner and power that go and then you know there's trial a the corner and power that. Go. And then, you know, there's trial a lot of trial and error. But I think at this point we got it, right? We got most of it figured out. Like, there's still a few things. We haven't got to pack a punch yet.

That's what's at ritual. Yeah, we've been spending more time in Dare Rice than in the new map. Just because we're talking most of the time. But when you remember the Alcatraz map, right? Where you go into electricity mode and then you have to go around and do a bunch of shit it's just like that except instead of turning into like an electricity man you turn into like a cthulhu tentacled monster and you have to like use your tentacles to like swing around the map like tarzan and turn shit on and knock

boxes over with puzzle pieces so yeah the more i'm describing it to you the more you look disinterested like you may have this map oh I see yes there's a lot of like boxes to check to even play this game and my worry is that like you have to keep like all right you've checked all those boxes right you've gone through this pain in the ass oops Oops, I got downed. Thank you for picking me up, but I don't have shit now. So I need to check 12 boxes to get my favorite four perks. Well, another addition is the gumballs. There is a gumball machine on the map,

and when you put 500 bucks into it, it gives you a random gumball back, and there's a lot of them. And as you play zombies you unlock more of them and you can customize your five gumball player slot. These are like your five possible gumballs that come out. Some of them can be duds too

and some of what I'm saying might not be 100% accurate, but this is the gist of it. And one of those gumballs allows you to keep all your shit after you die. So you get downed. I think you can die actually. I think you can die, actually. I think you... Yeah, if you die, you respawn the next round,

still got your guns. That was awesome. There's another one that extends your bleed-out time by, like, double. It makes it, like, four times longer. It's ridiculous. Yeah, it's much longer. Like, you've got plenty of time to complete the round

and then go pick your buddy up. So there's some gumballs and perks in there that are really conducive. Are they persistent, or do you have to get that gumball again next game? They're only 500 each, so you can, I mean. It depends. But once I've got.

Some of them are like, okay, for the next three rounds, you get this bonus. And some of them are activated where you hit the D-pad, and it's like there's one that for the next 10 seconds, all zombies will ignore you. So you hit that on the D-pad when you're in a tough spot, all the zombies disperse, and then that gumball's spent. So it all depends. But like the one he's saying, you know, you come back to life, that gumball's consumed once you come back to life, right? Correct. You'd have to go buy another one.

I want it to not be consumed. Not only not consumed, I want it to last next game too. I'm okay with that. I want it when I spawn in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Infinite lives. Where's that game genie at? You know the western one in, I guess it'd be Black Ops 2, where you could bank money? That was kind of neat.

Now you had some hoops to jump through at the start of the game, but then once you get to the bank, you're in pretty good shape. You know? It's nice. I liked that whole concept of being able to store up to like 120,000 points. Maybe not that much because it ruined the fun for me. Couldn't you put weapons in a safe too or something? Yep, you could put weapons in there and get them next time.

I never really used the weapon safe that much, but the points one was just retarded insofar as you'd start, play one round with pistols only unlock it and then get a crawler on round two and then spend maybe half an hour getting every single perk hitting the mystery box 60 times if need be you know like i don't like that one like i like that and also i felt like not that i was it was one of the easier right? So I felt like I was good enough to be like, I'm going to go. Wasn't the pack a punch by the witches? Yeah, you had to go through the house and through the hedges.

Yeah, and I felt like I was good enough to be like, it's cool, guys. You stand here near the alley where you can make your stand. I'm going to go to the witches, and I'm going to come back, and I'm going to do it by myself, and it's going to be okay. You don't need a chaperone. Yeah. I need a chaperone most of the time. I like having one.

And then I love – one of my favorite things to do is, like, carry people. Like, that's one of my most fun things in gaming. And if you wanted a chaperone, I'd be the first one to raise my hand. Like, oh, yeah, you need a chaperone? I'm in the chaperone business. We're playing Derise and clearly taylor's girlfriend has some time and into that map because she's in like the furnace room and she has all of the zombies and i think it's 20 zombies or something that she has with her and taylor and

i are like they're not spawning anymore and she's not killing them so she has them all she has every zombie that the map can spawn and she's fine with them. She's like, you want me to kill them? Then you see her points going flashing like crazy. We were getting a little pissy at it. Come on, we're bored. She had them all. You didn't shoot her rape train out of courtesy?

We were separated across the map so that we each only have to deal with a third of the zombies. In my case, a sixth of the zombies. In my case, like a sixth of the zombies. Rape train locations are occupancy one. I don't want any part of that. I don't want that giant rape train. One mistake and they're just monkey whooping you down.

And then the train goes right to where the people who are trying to save you are coming from. And then monkey whoops them down. Rape trains are easy if you're in an easy enough spot. They've pretty much eliminated easy spots for kiting zombies in all the new maps. But that's the most fun thing about zombies, is when your two players or three players

with you all go down and it's still near the beginning of the round where you know even if you pick them up, they're going to end up dying and so you kind of put on your like, alright it's up to me and then you get to save the day. That's the most fun. And you get, like, 200 kills, which, that's the most fun about it,

seeing how many kills you can get. Well, so Black Ops as a whole, I'm going to give Black Ops a 7 out of 10, I think. I think as a game in general, not just a Call of Duty game, but a game in itself. I haven't played enough of the campaign player probably to even give it a ranking, to be honest.

But from what I played, I enjoyed it. And I really liked how graphic the beginning of the campaign is. I played on the realistic mode for maybe a couple hours. That is pretty hard. It's pretty hard, but the way COD AI works is

you walk into a room, the guy sees you, and then I don't know exactly what the times are, but let's call it three-quarters of a second. That's what it takes him to go between the time you see each other to the time he's going to pull the trigger on you accurately. So as long as you can shoot him before he shoots you, you'll always win. There's never going to be a bad guy who just

goes, bang, like a human would. So it's, once you remember that and you always go into cover after three quarters of a second, if you never spend more than three quarters of a second out of cover, it's kind of hard to get shot. And I don't know, I played for an hour or two, something like that. And I got killed a lot, of course, like there's grenades flying everywhere and guys will just take you out in one shot if you make any mistake at all, but it was fun. I'd be down to play that in some cooperative mode I don't know if it's two players or four Four would be badass some of my favorite co-op memories are playing the halo campaign When there were four of us just going in there and wrecking house even on legendary

It seemed like we'd go in there just fuck shit up. That was fun. I beat that in one run on a livestream It's not that's impressive. What how long was it like 10 hours uh it was one of the more current ish ones like odst or something oh okay yeah and maybe that i'm not claiming to be a legend you know but no no i i didn't think you were um i mean not that you're bad or anything you're fine at Halo. But it's the campaign anyway. I love the Halo campaigns. I think I beat Halo 2 in one setting for sure. Because I remember my cousin and I started at like, let's call it 8 or 9 p.m.

And the sun came up the next day. And we were like, gotta bring it home! Gotta bring it home! So we just played until 10 a.m. and it i'm not a halo guy really like i like the game fine and i respect it's like piece of gaming history but i feel like when gaming was really peaking like you know halo 2 and you know halo 1 halo 3 maybe uh i was in school and and didn't have time to focus on it. Where was I headed with this? Oh, Wings was not a Halo guy either.

You were on COD 4 too. COD 4 and Halo 3 came out within like 10 or 20 days of each other. When I started on Halo, it came out first. I feel like COD 4 is the COD that took the mantle of lead game from Halo. It it did i used to watch the most xbox played game you know like who which one was the busiest game and you know i won't argue

with you i think it's the greatest game of all time four cut four halo three okay i haven't played it so long is it totally fucked anyway or if you get in you can get it you can get on and play if you want so um so i'm not a halo guy that's what all that was about but neither is wings and at the time we were like talking with wings and stuff every day on skype and he pops in halo and he's like i'm gonna fuck shit up i'm gonna be great at this and kyle who had a halo background was like dude it's a different game like you might be surprised you might not walk into this and find yourself the best player.

And he's like, well, so long as left triggers aim down sights and right triggers shoot, I'm all fine. Well, you're fucked then. You're going to blow yourself up immediately. So then Kyle lays out the controls for him and Wings is like, alright, I got

it, I got it. I got it. And he pops in game and he's like, how do I go prone? Kyle's like, motherfucker, you're a seven foot tall super soldier and you want to lay on your belly? You are the last Spartan. You are the greatest fighting individual there has ever been or ever will be in this universe. And you want to find a way to crawl on your belly, you piece of shit? No! No!

You jump into runes and wreck houses. Like, you're a bad motherfucker. You don't get any better than the Master Chief. He's numero uno in the gaming universe as far as real-life badasses who aren't, like, magical or something. He's hard fucking core. And he wants to crawl. He always wanted to snake crawl in there and sneak up on somebody or something.

It was the greatest thing. Can I even lay down in Halo? No. You can't lay down in Halo. No. Wings will remember this. I bet he'll remember it fondly, too. But, yeah, it was like, I'm going to go in there.

I'm going to fuck shit up. So long as this and this. Nope. How do I lay down? Nope. I can remember. He found ways to camp in that game though he'd have that gravity hammer crouch walking by the elevator she'd come up you'd see him like getting those hammer kills like four in a row and then he's dead and then

it's like i'll go like the non-camp friendly cods like i don't know about the current one i'm not an expert but But I consider Black Ops 2 to be really not camp friendly. There were some maps in there. There was just so much chaos. Spawns flimped a lot. It wasn't friendly to it. But he still found a way to employ his style and succeed. This is not camp friendly

either. It seems like every time I'm trying to be clever with that lever action shotgun that you get in the pre-made class, I'll get a kill and i think that i have the whole room mapped out like all right they're either here or there here or there bang one kill two kill oh two away from uav it's gonna be great and then somebody like wall runs up a place that i didn't even know you were allowed to go and so he just flies in the side style so like there are so few rooms that someone can't

wall run their way into it multiple entryways to every uh place in the game like they could come from the sky above you they could run along the fucking wall right in front of you and once you wall running is one of those things it's really easy to pick up and do but hard to perfect and and be like a master at so i feel like once you've got your boost mastered you'll be able to slide and strafe and change your elevation in ways, on both axes. You know, he could be anywhere in here

that you're just a hard fucking target. If you're good at, like, boosting and sort of strafing to the right as you aim to the left and stay on target, if you can do that, you're a badass in that game. I saw Taylor's free run video. he's a master at while running like fucking trinity from the matrix or something it was my first try only he's like this is really the developer's fault because not possible and i'm like you know i could see you weren't supposed to be boosting

that long and then he gets to it. So I've never even – I don't have one minute in Black Ops, the new Black Ops. And he's like, probably all of you are yelling at your screens right now because you knew the mistake I was making. And I'm like, well, not yelling. I had a fundamental misunderstanding of what I should be doing. A little bit of like a disappointed dad look. Yeah, Kyle,

you and I need to work on our 3D jumping and moving around in that game because almost every other game, because we weren't winning very often the other night, every time it was like one of us would be like, oh no, it's me! Oh, it's me! It's me! And then there would be some guy boosting around

who before he shot our head off would kind of just like thump us in the forehead or bitch slap us a little bit just to show us how worthless we were. Like we looked like real assholes. Yeah, we got caught in a couple kill cams. And it was just embarrassing. I don't understand. Well, you know, the final kill cam.

Okay, that how much I get, but I don't get the metaphor of like thumping. Oh, just that he was toying with us. Yeah, like the guy comes at me and jumps over my head, does a 180 as he's doing it, and as he's landing, shoots me in the head as he's falling in slow motion. Or the guy's like fucking quick scoping just the top of my head as I'm peeking out behind a railroad train or something. Just, we're playing against guys that were a lot better than us and they were stomping us.

We lost one TDM, 75 to I think 28. It was. The game started out like 21 to 7 or something like that. And I've got my rocket launcher out just running around like, this is all that could kill them. They're supermen. We need to get into a good pay to win game because i feel like we

could win more like you guys are all pistol only what we need is a couple of buddies who are actually good at the fucking game wings would be like you need a 3kd play 3kd if you're gonna come play with us like i need like two 3kd guys to come prop my ass up because we're just we're just not pulling it we're uh you know i don't know what the kd is but i would guess it's a point seven i need to like that between all the silliness first game like even before i play i'm gonna like i'm gonna put out a wings of redemption tweet i need the motherfuckers that fuck the prom queen yeah three black ops and and you know get those guys get those guys who were just you know that you could replace me with a can of soup and we still win every game

i seriously considered uploading like an 11 and 8 game just because i was like yes there was a good kill streak in there i got my uav and everything you're like wait a minute that was a three and eight game before i went on that streak. Yeah, we've been getting butt-fucked. I used to be good. I never had a reputation as being good, but it was like, you know, come play with me and you'll see. In my live streams, I'd be first or top three certainly every game, and that's amongst people who watch my videos better than normal players. Well, I agree.

I've seen you play strong yeah another youtuber I remember I was always watching some old-school video recently and he's like I played with Woody's gamertag I didn't know he'd be good it's like yeah yeah you know you won't be like that now I'm sorry Taylor I'd say I give Fallout 4 an 8 the only reason and I'd only take away from it because... I've read a lot of reviews for the game, but one of the things I saw pointed out that I agreed with

was that your character... This is like the first five minutes, so not really a spoiler. Your character lived before the war, and he's been frozen, and he's been thawed out and 200 years later into fallout times you know with the wasteland and everything but after like the first instance of going up above ground he's not surprised when he sees like um any of the horrible creatures or like you know that his entire is literally his neighborhood his house his hometown is completely destroyed and you don't

see it you don't have that in the um when you're just when you're talking to other characters and and you tell them you're like oh yeah i'm 200 years old i'm from i was here before the war and you would think there would be something in there where he's like they're like well what do you think about all this and he's like it's insane there's fucking giant wasps there's what i don't even know what a cazador is there's a deathlaw thing! I'm wearing a huge suit of armor and flying around and shooting mini-nukes! Like, they're super mutants! What's a super mutant? Like, he just seems to take it all in stride. And those are just little nitpicky things. Xbox One drops some frames every now and then. The waiting screens are still pretty long. And the graphics aren't what I would love

them to be. but I still am just obsessed with the game and I've got probably 17 hours in it so far something like that I'm a level 21 I love the new perk system the new ranking system where there is no level cap I don't know if you know that so you can

like all those perks you can fill them all up so if you put one in the wrong place and you're like oh shit don't worry because you're going to be able to fill them all up so like yeah so if you put one in the wrong place and you're like oh shit don't work because like you're going to be able to fill them all up uh i built my character with a nine intelligence uh in previous games that's always been the ticket to ranking up quickly you get more xp per kill etc so i got like a nine intelligence um i think i put the like a nine um whatever the one for VATS is it's not endurance

perception yeah really high perception and then like one maybe one charisma one luck one strength see luck is way better than I thought it would be I haven't played it Melissa and I are doing a let's play over on my channel so check the link and watch that if you want.

She's playing, and I'm making snarky comments, as I do. And when she was making the character in the beginning, she put so much into luck that I'm like, well, fuck, this isn't going to be good. And one of the things in there is called, what is it, like, Stupid Idiot? Idiot Savant. Where, randomly, when you do something, you just get triple or five times the xp and so we leveled like so quickly off the bat because you just kill one roach and it's like oh well that one gave us five times as much as the most recent one level up again but yeah i'll try playing it eventually but so far it's more fun watching melissa play because she's just there's a few

characters that i've never gotten i always always make a gun character, and usually a sniper character at that, which is kind of lame if you ask me. And then if I do branch out, it's like, well, we'll make it an energy weapons guy, and he'll have a gatling laser. But what I really wanted to do, but I just didn't have the balls to do it, because there's so much time invested once you make these decisions, was

a melee character. I wanted a guy with a super sledge who just hits people and they explode and all that. I just feel like that's a hard way to play the game because there's so much range. I want a guy with a super sledge who just hits people and they explode and all that. I just feel like that's a hard way to play the game because there's so much range. Is that a viable option? Yes. There's, I think,

there are sneaky combat moves. You can sneak up behind people and break their necks and stuff. I may be wrong about that. I saw a gif, and that's what it looked like was going on. But there's lots of melee bait, super, super duper melee weapons

that do crazy stuff, super powerful weapons, and if you build your character to use them, then yeah, it's a viable option in close quarters. But my thing is like, what do you do at long range when there's snipers up on rooftops and your rifle's just barely affecting them on the harder difficulties?

But yeah, there's lots of different ways to play. I wish there was co-op. I would love to be your melee companion, you know? And like, you could have different roles. Like if you get in close quarters, I'm the boss. I would love that. You know, you've got NPCs, you know, companions. You've got the dog.

The dog's cool. I like having the dog there. And I see everybody on Reddit's like super protective of their dog. They're like, you attack my dog, I kill you first. If you hurt my dog, you're the first to die. And that's how I am too. Like as soon as somebody like starts beating my dog

up and they're like stomping it and hitting it with pipes and stuff and he's yelping and he'll get hurt and be all fucked up and I'm just like You have to waste a stim pack on him? Don't do that. He'll get up after 10 seconds fucked up. And I'm just like... You have to waste a stim pack on him? Don't do that. He'll get up after 10 seconds. Get the missile launcher out and wreck some house, though. I love the weapon mods that you can do now.

You'll get some shitty-ass missile launcher. And I'm like, ah, let's put a quad barrel and a night sight on this thing. And after a while, you've built some badass weapons. It's like you in real life. That's right. You give an AR-15. He's like, you know what this thing needs? Three more barrels.

A Pepsi can launcher. They're trying to, I heard something about those can launchers. There's something about, they're trying to call them a destructive device. So we'll see if there's a new ruling on those. God damn it. That might have.

They're anti-fun. You really can't launch a Coca-Cola? Come on. There's nothing confirmed there. That's what I was hearing pretty recently. Some murmurings about some redefinition of that launcher. I know the guy who invented it. I've known him for years. But those things are cool.

He showed me his grappling hook and it's really meticulous the way the thing folds out once it's launched and everything. It has to fold together to go in the launcher, and then when it comes out, it all comes out and locks into place so that it's got hooks that'll grapple. You know what else he needs? Maybe he has it.

Does he have a net? Yes, he's working on that as well. Yes. It's supposed to shoot nets, the grappling hook, the cans. It'll shoot the mini cans or the full-size cans. Custom Projos, projectiles that you can make yourself. You can take the can. You can take an aluminum can and carefully cut the top of it off so you don't warp it.

And then just fill it up with Bondo or fiberglass resin or cement. Cement would probably blow your gun out. But, you know, it's probably a way to... Have you fired it? No, I haven't. I was going to ask you about the recoil. As you know, you shoot something light like a regular American

bullet, the.223 or.556. It doesn't really kick back very much because it's a very light thing you're pushing. It's an equal opposite reaction. It's pushing against your shoulder with the same amount of energy that it's blowing out. If you're shooting. It's an equal opposite reaction. It's pushing against your shoulder with the same amount of energy that it's blowing out. If you're shooting a can, that thing could potentially really push back on you.

It's not shooting it very fast. It's using a blank cartridge to do it. It's going to be negligible. Are you shooting a can full of soda or are you just using a soda can to hold other shit and then shooting that? Either or. You can put a beer right in there and shoot that thing like

a couple hundred yards across the field. And I've seen people, you know, shooting... They'll take your launcher and shoot the beer up in the air and then shoot the beer out of the air. Does it come in too fast that, like, I could stand on one side of a football field and you can mark it up? I'm way ahead of you. And I could, like, catch a Pepsi out of the air?

That's the plan! Yeah, that's part of my video. It's just... I don't do. Yeah.. That's the plan. Yeah, that's part of my video. I don't do. Yeah. It just explodes all over. Now, is that video trickery or can it happen? I think it can happen. I'm not sure yet.

It doesn't look like it's – it looks like it's a big arcing lob, like a couple hundred feet per se. It's probably going 50 to 100 miles an hour, somewhere in there, but it's going to slow down by the time it gets across the – Yeah, if you give the guy a baseball glove, then suddenly, I think, regular people could do it. Pussy. Yeah, I can see that

the intro to that for Kyle, like, today we're going to see what we could do. And, like, stand there, wait for it, and then the next clip is him in a cast, like, very much underestimated force of kin. Not a bad Russian accent. Yeah, you could be Nikolai, my weapons guy sometime.

That'd be good. That'd be cool. You know what I was thinking about that I'd like to do a video of? Is fucking Fallout weapons. Because I've been playing the game so much, and a lot of the weapons are homemade. They're literally pipe guns. And they've got wood and screws, and they're bound together to make them work, and big exposed springs, and nails instead of grippy handles and stuff.

I could make that stuff. I saw a Fallout tip online. You probably saw it too because it sounds like you caught up on Reddit, but the guy renamed all his guns to start with the caliber so he could easily compare the guns and I guess know what ammo he needs for them, which is nice. Yeah, the gun was called the Equalizer or something, and you're like, I don't know anything about Equalizers.

That's a laser rifle with that modulator on the front. Is it from the Brother of Steel guy? I think this particular one was a.308, so he just named it.308 Equalizer. I'm like, oh, that's a good idea, because otherwise it would mean nothing to me. Kyle, have you gone back to the beginning of the game? Like, you know when you're leaving the vault for the first time

and you see that really dope weapon in the safe? I'm going back. The cryo weapon, yeah. I'll go back when I can unlock it. You know how you can build a... I'll go get it now. Thanks for reminding me. In Fallout, not right now, in Fallout, you can

have a base of some sort lots of them how do you get to it like you build it yourself there'll be so there there's you build a whole community really um you just go out into the world and there are places where you can do it and um you use this like workstation to construct various things you need, like walls, generators, power lines, lighting, wiring. It's a bit like Halo Forge, the way you interact with it, and you can build. There's going to be some crazy stuff. With my limited... Go ahead.

With Fallout New Vegas, the one I started to play, one of the issues I had was all the walking. I feel like if I had a base, but that base involved 90 minutes of traveling, I wouldn't... Fast travel. Oh, okay. Yeah. So you just... Okay, you just know where it is.

So one thing that's really intimidating about Fallout, and I think it could turn new players off, or at least players who are watching the videos online, is the Pip-Boy interface. And, you know, I hadn't played Fallout in maybe six or eight months when I got on the other night, and I was rusty at first. But once you get it, you've got it, and you know I hadn't played fallout and maybe six or eight months when I when I got on the other night and I was rusty at first but once you get it you got it and you're good

it takes maybe an hour and you've memorized this new PDA that strapped to your arm all the time and through it you interact with everything that your fast travel that your missions that your your your inventory your medicine your weaponry all that shit but once you've got that, fast traveling is really quick. Just zipping around places. There are loading screens again, like I said, for Xbox One. They're probably better on PC. But the base building,

you'll have settlers in there who are farming it. It seemed like there was a Farmville aspect where I was reading the ratio of how much corn each settler needs or something like that. You don't have to do that if you don't want to. It's just another thing that's in there to extend the life of the game.

I haven't really gotten into it that much, but I am aware of the tools and the things you can do. I'm wanting to see the guy who builds the megabase, the gigantic Minecraft kingdom in Fallout. I don't know what the limits are on the size of those things other than resources, which are limitless themselves. I don't know if they did it on the size of those things other than resources which you can are limitless themselves i don't know the old games but i like i'm sure they did in the old games

which is why melissa's playing in our let's play and i'm not i don't fucking know but i like how you can pull the pda thing the pit boy up in the middle of a fight and it pauses everything and it doesn't just like set it in slow-mo because when you do the VATS thing, apparently in the old games it was totally stopped but now it's slow-mo but you can still pull that thing up and you don't have a panic attack trying to like fiddle around get what you wanted to use before it you know they get too close. I like that. That's a regular occurrence like that that's just part of how I play the game. There's probably some purists that would say that's not cool to do,

that you should have everything hot-keyed, but I frequently press B, and I'm like, okay. I look at my girlfriend, and I'm like, so that's a legendary super mutant brute, and he's got like six other guys with him, and I could probably handle one of those

if it were just me and one of those, but there's like seven of them, and that main guy, he could soak up too many nukes in a row. So it's like, you know, I take all my medication, get all drugged up and crazy, slow time down and everything and start launching nukes. I've been playing that game a lot. I would like to make videos of it. What I'd really like to do is live stream it, but I don't have the capabilities here to do either. But many times I'm playing and thinking, like,

this would be entertaining content because it's, you know, I'm just doing it. And it's mostly the game because there's just so much epic stuff. And I know Woody didn't like the walking around in New Vegas, but to be honest, comparing this game and New Vegas, New Vegas is a sparse wasteland, and this game seems to be, like, littered with cool shit. Like, I'm standing on a hilltop and just like I start rotating 360

degrees just showing the world to my girlfriend I'm like every one of those buildings and like satellite dishes and towers like that's a mission if not three missions like every one of those needs exploring and like you know looting out and it's dozens of them in every direction

it seems like there's a place to go and a thing to do. Are you staying, like, with the main mission pretty good, or are you branching all over the place? I'm pretty far into the main mission. I'm at the part where I need to get some technology together so that I can get inside of the Institute, but I've stopped there, and I've started doing Brotherhood of Steel quests,

and I've already done some of the Railroad quests and a bunch of the Minuteman quests. How many hours have you put in so far? 17 and a half, 18 hours, something like that. I got my T-60 Power Armor. I got my Nuke Launcher all upgraded. I got a pretty cool Brotherhood of Steel companion who just wastes people with a laser.

I can kill just about anything. I've killed some legendary death claws and stuff. I'm having a good time. Oh, and I think I mentioned it before this show, but the way they're doing the ranking of the leveling of the enemies, if you're a level 20, in previous games it seemed like

the highest thing you would encounter would be a level 20. But now, the farther you go from your starting point at Vault 111, the more scary the creatures are. So, there are level 50 creatures, which is the level cap, when you're a level 1. They're just really

far away, and you'll never get to them, because the level 7 creatures will kill you before you get to the level 10s, even. But I like that that because now as a level 20 character, I can load up with a lot of big powerful explosives and stuff, and I can go kill some of that level 50 stuff

if I've really got my A game on, but it's not easy. I'm loving the game so far, though. I'm completely immersed in it when I play. Hours will go by and I won't notice, and my girlfriend is really upset. It just really feels like I'm neglecting her badly. She's gonna have to understand that that's how November goes. Not enough... she's like, there's not enough sex, there's not enough... there's not enough attention.

It's just... and I'm just like... I'm sorry. You're just saying what? They got my dog, honey! They got got my dog i've known you for years and this game's five days old i'm sorry baby yeah those motherfuckers kidnapped my son and murdered my wife i got business to take care of over here and i really like i am kind of concerned with the story mode like i'm like they got my son i gotta get get him back. So it's got me immersed completely. I'm loving Fallout. If you're

a Fallout guy and you're on the fence, which I can't imagine why you would be, it's definitely worth the $60 and the inevitable $40 more for the season pass that I will pay. And I'll probably do the same thing for Black Ops, right? So I can get all those zombie maps. Yep.

Two great games came out this last week. I love them both. I like Fallout for completely different reasons. Zombies is amazing and fun in a way that's completely different to how Fallout is amazing and fun. I agree with you. I wish there were like a Fallout universe online

so that like me, you, and like maybe four of us could team up and, you know, and there's, it levels so well. Yeah, it levels so well. Well, it's not, you know, it's, it's an open world and the, and the, and the campaign exists within it. So it just had to be an open world. It had to be the same game, but four of us now. And it would scale for that. I feel like, because there are enemies like the super mutant behemoth that's like as big as a as as a building itself and you need like a minigun from a from a uh an airplane to take it down so you could do it it would totally work but i don't think any i don't think a console could could

run it i looked at xbox one could not run that with four player co-op you said that um zombies just released with one map and at first i I was like, really? Just one map? That's weak. But I looked it up and you're right. It is always one new map. Maybe like a throwback tossed in. Now, Black Ops 2, it was one map, but they released a couple game modes. There was transit, which was kind of like the main zombies thing.

And then there was like a cooperative one where you could like four of you could go against four other people to see who could last longer yeah yeah that was fun i liked it yeah i didn't play that much but but i did like it i think i'm gonna play that with you taylor is that that's gone i guess yeah that's that's that game mode anymore i'm sure they'll bring it back because i think it was pretty popular but who knows they got rid of all the lava on the ground horse shit that zombies for a lot of the time, where you had to even pack a punch on that first map. You had to go spend, like, four or five seconds in lava.

And they made it so that you couldn't stand in there long enough to get it. You had to, like, jump in and then hop out a little fruit and then hop back in and grab it and then hop out. I hate that. Because as soon as your ray gun gets taken down because you get downed by a zombie who hits you after the zombie's weak and you're like, fuck this. No. Don't take

away what I've earned rightfully from the game. Earn your kills the right way. I certainly do. It just feels like the game's cheating you when it does shit like that. I hated Alava. Specifically Alava. Transit cheated you, like not by the game itself, but all it took was a momentary lapse from the dumbest person or the worst

person on your team. It's like everybody on the bus is everybody on the bus. Like you're like about to roll the special, the short bus out of there. And then one person's like, actually, I'm going to get some more ammo. You're like,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, The bus is rolling. And it's rolls away. And it's like it's like all right well the rest of this game you're not going to be with us and we're not going to survive because you just had to jump off and get ammo i remember a time so i don't know how to describe it but like to me

there's a building that has a second floor with an open uh like thing if you like if that's on your right to the left there's a road and i was kiting there and i was kicking ass you know i was the best version of me kiting zombies kill kill kill kill i'm just i can do this forever things are going nicely and uh you know i'm just i'm just happy with how things are going. And then the bus fucking drives in, ruins my thing. I'm down. It's over. Fuck. There shouldn't be buses that just show up out of the dark and change.

It's when I realized I really didn't like transit. That's not fair. I'm sure everyone knew about that spot, but I had figured it out on my own and things were going great. And then the bus arrived and I'm just done with it. Yeah. Yeah. I never liked transit. Same reason.

I, I, to be honest, I don't know if I like this new map, but just looking at it, it seems like there are lots of places to, to kite zombies. I feel like that square area where all the carts are and the,

uh, that watery area down below, um, I feel like are both both great for Kai. And there's teleporters that warp you away. I feel like there's lots of ways to run that map into later levels. But first you gotta get Pack-a-Punch and Jug-On.

And that takes a bit of know-how. Well, I think tonight, after the show, tonight is the night where we get Pack-a-Punch for the first time. Because it is enraging. We got so far, like three nights ago we did all of the rituals we got everything done with me melissa yeah kyle you can say so you need four slugs these are mutant like living creatures giant slugs right yeah about three feet long i'd say and

you have to do a ritual with uh to get each of them we had done three of the rituals we start the fourth ritual and i'm like all right i'll do this one because taylor them. We had done three of the rituals. We start the fourth ritual, and I'm like, all right, I'll do this one, because Taylor or his girlfriend had done the other three. I was like, I'll do this one, and once we get all four slugs, we can go present them in front of this wall, and then I believe the wall opens up, and Pack-a-Punch is in there, I think, because we haven't gotten that far, but this fourth slug was pivotal to the Pack-a-Punch happening. It was required, and so I hold the X button to begin the ritual and I disconnect. Oh no. And the worst part is

I have one of those three slugs that we've already acquired in my inventory. So Taylor and his girlfriend are still in there trying to make it happen and I'm like, guys, I've got that third slug with me right now. They're like, okay, well. And I'm like, no, no. Here at my house

at fucking home like it's gone it's out of the fucking game i got it right here and y'all can't get it like this is it and we just you know it was over then i just disconnected like at the pivotal moment yeah yeah real bad because we we were in like it was round four and we had been playing for like an hour at least just to learn the steps i was like all right well kyle got booted he had the worm in his possession. Maybe if I go back to where he picked up the worm, it'll be sitting there nicely with the bow on it. Like, okay, now you can pick it up. But no.

No, it just took that integral part of the game and he took it. So there was no possible way for us to get it. It was ridiculous. It was very upsetting. I went to bed and it was like 4 or 5 in the morning I guess, and my girlfriend was like, did you win?

I was like, no. We lost badly. I was like, you know in Game of Thrones where everything's going good and then your heart literally gets ripped out and they stab the pregnant woman in the belly? She's like, yeah. I was like, that's what happened. The Reigns of Castamere started playing

as you started the ritual. Fucking Reigns fucking reigns yeah absolutely i like that song i think you'll like it more than you're anticipating woody like okay because because we've done the groundwork for you if you had been present with us you wouldn't have been able to handle it i i only could handle it because i enjoy like taylor's company so much and we were just having a good time but like if you were there to play some zombies, and you were in that bullshit we were doing, you'd have been pulling your fucking hair out. It really was just awful what it took to learn. Maybe. I guess we should have just watched the video twice before we played, but nobody wanted to do that.

I remember, so I wasn't in the game. I think I was downloading. That's what I was doing, downloading the game. And Taylor didn't like it at first. He's like, you know, Treyarch needs to learn the difference between what's fun and what's just enraging puzzle solving or something close to that.

Oh, hey, if it were up to me, all this bullshit we're talking about would not exist. All I want from Zombie, I want everything to be there. Like, just open a door and then turn on some power and then there it is. Juggernaut's right there. And then we'll go down the hallway and that's Pack-A-Punch and it's gonna move. That's the component of the game I like.

I wanna fight zombies. I don't care about the storyline and these rituals and all this stuff. I'll fight through it just because I enjoy fighting zombies. But don't be fooled, Treyarch. I dislike the overly complicated puzzle aspect of zombies and the fact that I have to collect like

four ritual items and like all these components that i have to like find like a like a easter egg hunt throughout literally like nine different things you have to get i feel like some of the dlc maps should be like that like they should give it a try give people what they want just on a go like try it arena um arena i don't know what it would be you know like a mode that a player of above average skill could last for literally almost forever see i like the idea of the i like the easter egg feel but i don't like how it's integral to something as like fun and baseline as pack a punch like people play zombies in large part, for the Pack-a-Punch. If they made all that basic

and more easy to get, but they kept all the ritual stuff in there, all that stuff just so you could get the final brand new cool weapon, that would be fun because it's like, alright, I'm immediately getting a payoff for this and I did a lot to get it. So, make it like a super powerful weapon. Which, the new weapon is really cool.

The gravity hole weapon weapon where you shoot it and all the zombies are sucking it. Is that the one where you're holding a Cthulhu? Yeah, you're holding the little Cthulhu worm. To me, the reward for figuring out and undoing every puzzle could be a cut scene. You know, like that's all you need to do. Like let me play the game.

I wouldn't do it then. I want a gun. I want a gun, but I know what you mean. It should be there if you want it. But it shouldn't be like, yeah, I'm going to hold you fucking hostage. And if you want to have fun, by God, you're going to find these nine tokens and run around and do this nonsense. If you don't play the game, if you don't do all the stuff like we're talking about, like turning into the Cthulhu and powering things on and opening walls and going through portals,

if you don't do that, then you might make it to like round 12. And that's something like that. Yeah, that would really be pushing it because you're just buying guns off the wall and trying to kite zombies. And that's no fun. I like Ascension. Ascension had very little like secret hoops to jump through, if I remember right. Which one was it? Is that the one with the big stage?

No, it's the one with the landers. It had landers and PhD flopper? Oh yeah, I like that one too. That was a good one. I like that one. I like the one that was like a big auditorium, like a stage. Yeah, you open the

at one point you open the curtain or whatever and that's part of like you know going to the next stage of the and you can like escape to the top balcony or something and then come back if you're going down at this fucker's yeah it's good stuff yeah i like that one i think this is gonna be a lot of fun i think you know what maybe we'll hop on there after the show uh i know i know what he's going to sleep, but Taylor and I are already ruined. Maybe we'll get on there and try to get back. I'm ruined too. Oh, well, you're in then.

No, I don't want to be ruined. I was talking about it. I forget to invite him and Kyle. You sound like a fledgling porn star. My sleep – I think I went to bed at 4 last night. I was just working. You're good with us. Yeah.

I was working on WoodyCraft. We've got a game mode releasing in about a week. WoodyCraft.net if you haven't heard of it. Fuck off, haters. But yeah, I've been working super hard lately. And stay up until 4 or whatever. And it's not like I'm not getting my sleep. I think I woke up at noon or something. I'm not that happy you know like it's i don't like waking up at noon and before i know it it's like 3 45 and i'm like well i can't really start anything now i gotta get dark so early it's just depressing yeah and then it's five and it's

literally the sun's going down you're done like there's no outside for you today it it i know it sounds like from noon to five like i could have should have done something and it's literally the sun's going down, you're done. There's no outside for you today. I know it sounds like from noon to 5, like I could have, should have done something, but really you wake up at noon. By the time you get up, get yourself fed, showered, caffeinated, check your email or whatever, like the stuff that's piled up during the time you slept that needs taking care of, and now it's like,

all right, now I can take on the today stuff. It's 2.30 in the afternoon or something like that, and it's like all right now i can take on the today stuff it's 2 30 in the afternoon or something like that and it's like oh i gotta get to the bank like yeah i the day's over and and also like i feel like i've just been not doing the sorts of things that recharge my recharge me emotionally you know and just everything is a is a pull everything is a drain it feels like all day long i'm just hitting stoplights. And I need to fix my sleep schedule. So no, Taylor. I would not like

to play at 1am. According to your every goddamn day text. Every night at 1am Taylor's like, hey, you guys want to play some zombies? No! Well, Kyle usually accepts. Yeah, I'll be fine. Doesn't it mess with your happiness too? Like, you know, you'll be honest. You're all messed. Doesn't it mess with your happiness, too?

Like, you know, you're sleeping in, you're not doing other things. I got up today. I went to sleep last night at, like, 4.30, and I woke up at 10.30. So that was six hours of sleep. And I did some, you know, I had stuff to do today. I did some stuff with you, and then I went out and went to the post office, and I had to go. I got my stuff done.

And, you know, I don't think it messes with my happiness any more than, you know, I feel like I'm at the same happiness level as always. You know, I'm doing okay. I do miss the sun sometimes and, like, doing stuff in the sun. But it's not, you know, I got lots of sunny stuff to do next week.

So I'll just do it fucking then. I'll recharge then. I feel like I'm getting a little paler maybe. But that's okay. The sun's bad for your skin anyway. So I'll just keep playing Fallout in my bunker. What did you say, Taylor? I said he wants to stay looking young.

He already doesn't look 29. I got to peg him as mid, maybe even low 20s. Right? I want to go backwards. I want to look so young I can fuck kids How does one do that? Tell me more about this plan If I could keep turning back my hands

I could get with some of those 16-17 year old chicks That are just smoking hot I think you're doing it too early I think you should You should continue To age until 35 Smoking hot. I think you're doing it too early. You're going to be like Steve Buscemi. I think you should continue. Hello, fellow young people. You should continue to age until 35, right? And then start rewinding the clock.

Die at 70. I like it. It's a little Benjamin Button action, huh? I'll be a fetus. See, that's fun for the first 20 years. And then it starts to get really demented as you're like losing basic motor skills just like you would if you'd just grown the normal way. You're like five years old. Nobody's taking you seriously anymore.

You have all these complex thoughts patronizing you. But think of this. The way you die now is also kind of a deteriorating process where no one takes you seriously. But you're like getting cancer and it's painful and it's scary.

The alternative is you die as an orgasm. No, but you as somebody else they're gonna have to jam me back inside of my actually 112 year old grant mother all right granny here's kyle you'd be a you'd be little but i guess you'd be baby-sized yeah i know what i'd be i'd be i'd be uh eight pounds and 15 ounces enjoy that mom you're a big boy your 80s are gonna be rough in that situation wouldn't euthanasia be the same thing as abortion yeah nobody wants that it's easy coming out it's hard going back in

did you see that i tried to talk less about politics partly because some people don't love it but partly because i feel like it the shows don't age well but jeb bush said that he would go back and kill baby hitler yeah i saw that and then carson was like no they rephrased the question a little bit like would you abort hitler and he's like nope you know i wouldn't abort anybody not even hitler he was born to kill him in his cradle. I feel like that's the Republican way, right? Yes. Before the kid's born, he gets all the protections of the world. But once he's born...

No, they'd wait until he was 18. I don't know. They'd try him as an adult at like 15. He wouldn't be a hero. Jeb Bush was thinking, Yeah, Jeb Bush was thinking like,, yeah, I would kill baby Hitler, and then I'd come back to the future and be like, wow, you're that guy who killed baby Hitler.

But really, it would just be, what the fuck is wrong with you? Like, why did you go back in time and kill a baby? Like, because they wouldn't know what was going to come. Or, you know, it would have been a mouser. I wouldn't trust him. If Jeb Bush was like, no, trust me, that guy was terrible, I'd be like, you're part of the establishment, the elite, this untrustworthy thing.

You want to run NSA. For all I know, that guy was the person who would have won this year's election. Maybe little Adolf cured cancer, and you just wanted to save that money for big pharma. You wouldn't know what to think. I would be very yeah i don't know if the united states would be as is would be in as advantageous of a position as it currently is without hitler i feel like oh you know he fucked up europe and gave us an opportunity to flex our muscles a little bit if anything i would go back in time and accept hitler into art school

oh because then you don't have to kill someone and it probably would have panned out better that's what he should have said that's what Bernie Sanders would have done I think if we could have gotten to this Mr. Hitler a little earlier we could have curbed these feelings he's having he needed mental help we weren't there for him you know

I think people would have really pegged me as a democrat if they talked to me a year ago. Right now, I don't feel like I have a home. I'm not excited about hardly any of the candidates anywhere. I don't even know who our candidates are, but we have a don't give a shit kind of attitude, and I like that. Very cavalier. I'd say Rand Paul is probably the best of all the Republicans.

Rand Paul, you say? Yeah, nobody's going to take him seriously. I feel like, so Rand Paul and Kasich for me both say things I really like. But I feel like if you really shined a spotlight on them, I'd learn things about them that were showstoppers. That's totally true about every one of the candidates. I just feel like Rand Paul has less of those showstoppers than the rest. It's like that old South Park episode. You're choosing between a douche and a turd that's

the political system we have so you've just got to choose a douche or a turd um so i'm just checking the fuck out and and enjoying the show it's not like my vote's gonna matter i don't vote anyway i i recommend that that all of you do those if you're so your voices are heard but i'm not i recommend you guys vote the way i tell you to when i figure it out right that's what i would like um no i don't know how this i don't think i'm gonna start like i've never missed a vote i make every vote and i usually make every midterm vote as well and um no i'll vote this time but i haven't figured out for who yet i don't fucking know i i don't know know who of these...

So it's easier to... We should wrap this up. We've had this talk before. Yeah, I was about to, like, numerate the candidates and why I hate them all, but... Yeah, we've done that. For who's in the lead?

Is it still Trump and Carson? Trump and Carson. Dude, I got a personal message from a Patreon. I wonder if... I thought I bookmarked it. Wow, what a handsome fellow that guy must be. Probably a really smart tip.

I found it. Let me... Oh, oh, here it is. So this guy's a Patreon and he wrote, I'm 18 years old and I'm from the UK. I paid for an escort, but during the fun, she couldn't turn me on. I really don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. She was good-looking. I just didn't really connect with her. Is this normal? And thank you Woody for helping me through all those couple of years." So this is the guidance that I

provide to people. I help them work their way towards prostitutes. Yeah that's that's normal. I think I had a hard time getting it up with it with the hooker that I had sex with. And it was just because it was a weird experience, and she was making me wear a condom during oral sex, and it was just so... Ugh. Yeah, right? And I had to really go into Vulcan boner mode.

Did the condom have spermicide on it? I've never had a condom that seemed appropriate for oral sex. None of them are appropriate. Well, they make flavored condoms. But in any case, there are no condom that seemed appropriate for oral sex. None of them are appropriate. Well, they make flavored condoms. But in any case, there are no condoms that are good for oral sex. Is a flavored condom safe for vaginal penetration? Yes. Because I do know this.

Edible underwear? No, it's the flavored wet platinum. So they sent wet platinum to me. And I'm actually changing my mind on wet platinum. We'll turn around to that. But they sent flavored wet platinum. We had so much, we ended up giving some to our neighbor. She used the flavored stuff for vaginal sex, and it gave her a yeast infection.

And my wife was like, yeah, you didn't know that? That's not a thing that you can use. She's like, those things have sugars in them and such, and that give you yeast infection that was news to me and what's the point of it i it's terrible lubricant any of those flavored like i like the uh i like the wet platinum just the regular black one the black one that's the good stuff it's it's it does what lubricant's supposed to do and it's never gets sticky and tacky afterwards like i've i've used those other other lubricants it sounds like a pitch, but I don't know how people are using

them. Astroglide, KY, both of those aren't even... Those are in two totally different camps of quality, though. Both of those. Which one do you put higher? Astroglide, way higher than KY. Yeah, me too. I feel like they're both a 2 out of 10 and wet platinum

is a 9 out of 10. Like, the only thing about Wet Platinum is it's a little hard to get off afterwards. You've got to go get some soap and water and a dry towel and sort of remove it. They make special soap for removal, just so you know. That's good to know. So anyway, here's the deal. KY, I would recommend just moving on elsewhere.

You know, it's not my lube of choice. Astroglide is some good stuff. Now the thing about Astroglide is, if it's an extended session, you might want to add more. You know, somewhere along the way. Just be cool with that and you're okay. Now Wet Platinum on the other hand is good for like three years and 30,000 miles. But the problem with that is when you're done, you're lubed until tomorrow. That's your deal. You're going to walk.

And you smell like it. A little. You might be right. But to me, I'll spend the rest of the day a little lubed. You can feel it on your dick, on your hands. That's your deal. Yeah. Whatever it was. Uh-huh.

And so wet platinum is good stuff, but it's just... Industrial-grade sexual lubricant. Exactly. And, you know, like, I'm coming around to, like, you know what? I might prefer Astroglide with a reload to wet platinum. That'd be good tomorrow, quite frankly. That's better if you have places to be. I feel like

the Astroglide leaves a tacky residue there. A happy reminder of what you did earlier. I don't care for that. The wet platinum, I feel like you can take a washcloth and dampen it and scrub a little bit and you're clean again. There's just more to it than dabbing

the area with a paper towel. It's on there on there to me astroglide comes off with water and i think it's water i don't like that though it shouldn't be i i find that there is like like if you took the astroglide and you just kept rubbing it between your fingers after like 30 seconds it would be like and it's like wow what the fuck is this i disagree but that's thank you yeah it's like a fucking elmer's glue like you use the kid and the stick to like to like put your fucking cardboard paper uh bullshit together with whereas wet platinum you put that between two pieces of paper now those are zero zero friction pieces of paper they could hover over each other you could make some sort of a rube goldberg machine or something with that shit. I've used it as

gun lubricant. I've had like a squeaky door and put a little dab of wet platinum on there. WD-40, keep a door in order for like a month and a half. Wet platinum, that door hasn't squeaked in two fucking years. It's smooth as can be. I told you.

And for door lube, that sounds fantastic. but when I put this when I put this stuff on Frankenstein I get the pump bottle then you know sometimes it's like I you know I just don't want to be lubed all day it's right at $50 a bottle when it was shipping I think it's like $45 plus five dollars for lube it's a big container it's this much of it and. It's a big container. It's this much of it. And it's like a tall bottle. And it's got a pump on it.

So that when you want something, just over the night saying, all right, we're ready to go, bitch. You're all lubed up and ready to roll. There's no opening the cap and getting a dollop out. Like, oh, God, there's so much. None of that happens. You get exactly what you want when you want it.

You want that pump on there. See, we hide our lube from the children though like okay yeah so okay so i got it i got so i used to do this um just at my ex-girlfriend's house what i kept was i went to like target and i got a little pump jar and it could be anything in there you could put moisturizer in there anything and it was just black ceramic and i filled that up with the lube and it was over there and you know it's you don't even that way guests come over whatever they don't know what it is they think it's hand sanitizer they're like it never goes away you're clean now but that's what i would always do i i but i i i'm behind that lube a thousand percent i've never

run across any it has to be um what do you call it silicone based lubricant like that's the only kind that i want any part of is it latex safe can you use it with a condom it depends how long you're that you're going to be having sex as long as it's not more than, say, 45 minutes. No, I think it is safe. Not the answer. Here, let's... I have seen my condoms be degraded by my lubricant after 30 or 40 minutes. It takes a while. What if there's, like, a more subtle degrading before you see that? Well, I mean, it'll all come.

I mean, that's all you need to do. It's not like you're holding back radiation or anything. All it takes is one free spirit. I looked at their FAQ and it says that all wet platinum products and furthermore all silicone

based 510k medical devices are safe for use with condoms. So I don't care what they say they are not fucking as long as i am i will bring a used condom next week and i will show you what happens after a long fuck session with wet platinum on a condom i'm

telling you word it gets no no not me i want to see it the condom literally degrades to the part where it'll it'll pull apart like like like i i don't know like it's the part where it'll pull apart like... I don't know. Does it get sinewy almost? It's like it's been slightly dissolved in some way. And so the complete structure of it is degraded. So it'll tear apart, pull apart, all that stuff.

I swear I've seen this multiple times. This is a latex condom you're using, not like a sheepskin condom or something like that. It's not sheepskin, but it's not... I would like you to try a sheepskin condom and tell me how that works with the wet platinum. It's not latex either. Have you not... I would like you to try a sheepskin condom and tell me how that works with the wet platinum. It's not latex either. Have you ever used one of those? Yeah. No.

I use the skin, S-K-Y-N. Those are the non-latex condoms. The sheepskin ones don't stretch in the same way, and they're like cold almost when you put them on. They're kind of yucky. That's awful. And knowing that it was part of an animal that, you know, if you got that sheep from Scotland, then very likely, your dick isn't even the first to be

in that section of intestine. Someone else has used that. That's just, I don't know, it's a weird gross thing. That's like medieval times. I'm proud of me for perfecting this and taking the sheepskin out of the condom before I fuck it. I don't really use condoms anymore anyway,

but sometimes if you're, say, using a sexual toy on a lady, then you'll put a condom on there to easier clean up for your sex toys or whatever. So, and I've definitely seen it. I've seen this thing happen. It does happen. Wet platinum does degrade certain condoms

and not the sheepskin ones. Hmm. Well, we shouldn't be using sheepskin condoms anyway because it's not 1460 plastic and rubber and that's just gross yeah although you'd eat a hot dog that was that was the same thing right it's big intestines i feel like women are more comfortable with like tools and accessories and stuff like that because they menstruate like you know from a young age there's you know tampons and pads and all these sorts of whatever products yeah feminine products in one way or another potions and shit that they got to deal with and uh and you know so maybe for

us it's like sheepskin whoa for them that's like, that's just one more tool in a whole arsenal of bad shit that I deal with. You add what? And it's just another thing? Sheepskin condoms. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah. I don't know. It's odd. Yuck, yuck, yuck. The last thing I would do is like, check this out, honey.

It's a sheepskin. It's sheep intestines. Let me just put this on my dick now and fuck you with it. I don't think i'd say a word i just put it on and like just like i don't want her to know that it's a sheep's back stories on him like his name was cody he was free range he grew up in southern scotland never been exposed to taliban so no this is virgin sheepskin condom what if you get an STD from your condom? How ironic would that be? That would be terrible. Sheepskin condom is not as good at protecting against STDs.

You should try one of those this week, Kyle, and come back with a review. I have no interest in wearing any sort of condom, much less one that's made out of a sheep's intestines. That's just not a – I know you don't. It was about my interest well then you should go rip on it go get your own mother fucker oh well you prefer it over a normal condom is two thumbs down they have their pros and cons I would say that a latex condom doesn't seem as cold maybe it just retains less room temperature or something like it I'm having a hard time choosing words here

warm it up first you know put maybe put a saucepan I put mine in the microwave for six seconds so so there's that it's less stretchy the sheet like a latex condom would you know you could fill it up and put your head on it or something if you really were motivated to a sheepskin doesn't do that there is some stretch to it but I don't think you could fit four fingers. You couldn't do those pranks that people do or whatever where you like, not pranks,

but you put it over your head and then blow it up with your nose. You couldn't do that with a sheepskin. Yeah, yeah. I would guess it pulls to, I'm guessing, I've never broken one like that, but it would pull to like 50% larger than the stock size and kind of cut off there.

And when you make it its full length, like that's kind of the length you get. Like that's all there is to it. But on the other hand, I feel like latex more quickly converts into some like moisture absorbing friction creating like terrible thing. Whereas sheepskin pretty much forever it's almost like your own skin or something like you know it just requires less lube to to be effective i want to see if there are any benefits to this like why are people still doing it i would guess the number one thing is people who have latex sensitivities they make non-latex like regular condoms though like skin right that's what you

said yeah oh that's what that is skin skyn yeah it's a brand or it's uh it's trojan it's a it's a offset it's trojan skin i think i don't know i don't i don't buy what's it made from if it's not latex or sheepskin um i don't recall exactly but maybe that's why i can vulcanize it doesn't work well with platinum. Because they say it works with latex condoms. I just assumed that I didn't know there were more than two varieties. Several, I guess.

Or at least two. At least three. When you count the sheep intestine ones. It says one of the benefits is that lambskin can be used with oil based lubricants, unlike latex and not degrade oh that's right I've had condoms degrade with coconut oil I think maybe I think that's pretty common and then says they're biodegradable if

you're just like really weirdly the only person who's self-conscious enough about worrying about their condoms biodegradability is someone who's a vegan and they're not fucking with part of a sheep's intestine in the first place. Like, if they're not going to eat it, it's a big insult. Big middle finger. Like, I won't eat it. Alright, we're done. Waste not, want not. Ah! You can get a free sample of skin on their website.

I'm just looking at it now. Yeah. Howard Stern was saying that he only uses, he uses condoms with his wife. He still does. They always use condoms. I mean, yeah, I think it's because his wife won't let him fuck her without a condom on is what I think. That's weird. I think that Howard Stern has a super hot wife who won't let him fuck her without a condom.

That's really pathetic. Do you think that it's a trust issue? I have no idea what that could possibly be but but the guy uses a condom and he's like 60 or 70 or whatever he is now and and his wife beth is just gorgeous super hot but something about that doesn't just it's just weird to me and bizarre that this guy is still using a condom to have sex with his wife when like there's got to be something else they could do. Maybe he has herpes?

Oh, I mean, you're not always contagious with herpes. I don't know. Only when you have an outbreak. Only during a flare-up. Yeah, only a flare-up. The commercials say you can still transmit it, not during a flare-up. Nah. They usually don't lie in those kinds of commercials. Just like the anti-smoking ones.

Found by law, to be honest. They made gentle herpes out to be a much bigger deal than it was. I thought that it would be just as a shocker, but I've coped with it just fine. Not a big deal at all. You showed me on the last trip we were at together. Honestly, a little gross, but

look at it for five, maybe ten minutes and you get used to it. When you infected me, I was initially mad. I did once. Not to affect you, but I went down on a girl once, and I had a cold sore on my lip that was like 95% healed. But you can still kind of see it there. Gave her genital herpes. And it was just an ordeal.

She was sitting on ice bags. She had this full-on, like her pussy was just fucked and it only happened Yeah, like everybody has that like when you're about to get sick You know that's when you get like cold sores because you're I've never I don't have that you only get it I have you have herpes then that's all I know it's a kind of herpes most people are born with that Yeah, there's two types But just but and it's a bit convoluted at times between the two types. And what I still don't know is that if my type 1 can jump on your vagina and become type 2,

or if you just have vaginal type 1, or your dick, whatever, you know, if it's a crazy night, what have you. But what I'm wondering is if now you have that for life on your genitals, because she just had the one flare-up the one time, never again. Yeah, I think they're very different kinds. Like, I don't think your coughing and, you know, not getting enough potassium sore is going to cause that extreme kind of herpes in someone. I think you're wrong about this.

I could be. I don't know. I just know the only time I get them is when I'm, like, getting sick. Well, like I said, there's's see I get them why I think this well like I said there's two types of herpes I think and and ones the kind that's more commonly on your is on your mouth and ones on your genitals but I know for a fact that the mouth kind can jump onto your genitals because I've done it but that doesn't make it the second more extreme kind if it gets more extreme than that then you just have to amputate the vagina like like it was a very extreme flare-up like inside the vagina there were sores outside

the vagina there were sores she could not sit she sat on she sat on peace the whole time it was awful um and it lasted for like a week or something like that um it was it was crazy and i i started reading and like yep sure enough that's a thing i've never experienced that but like a week or something like that. It was crazy. And I started reading it and like, yep, sure enough, that's a thing. I've never experienced that, but that sounds really terrible. Yeah, I wouldn't want to be part of that either. I get the cold sores probably two or three times a year, and I

actually take the, I don't remember what it's called, but whatever the prescription medication is that you take orally to get rid of genital herpes, I take that for my cold sores. And it knocks them out really, really quickly without them turning into a big crazy thing. There's nothing worse than having to go meet somebody or talk to somebody and having a big canker or cold sore on your arm. That ruined my first impression with my college roommate.

I was about to head down to college. It was like four days before. And I felt like a hard little bump on my lip. And I'm like, oh, Jesus Christ, not now. Not now. I don't want to be that guy. First day at the dorm, walking around like, oh, hey, look at this seeping, oozing sore on my lip. And so I get there, and of course, it's just full-blown.

And the kid and his parents meeting me, I can just tell they're like, oh, hey, nice to meet you. Like, oh, you need a Band-Aid? You need to take me to to the hospital mine gets so big and i just remember i i remember this this this old man one time being like oh i'll let somebody pop you in the mouth what happened and i'm just like it's cold sore yeah like what do you want from me i know it's there i don't go i try not to go out in public like now when i get one i just become a hermit for those five days. I don't want anybody to see that fucking thing. Or if you get it on the corner of your mouth, you have to talk out of the corner of your mouth.

Oh no, that's not it. It's always right there. That's the only spot. I've read extensively about this, but I guess I don't retain this knowledge very well. But something about the nerves in that area or or something that's always where it comes up every single time and sometimes it's horrendous but as long as i treat it quickly it's not that big of a deal like grandpa's got this weird thing like one of those old people beliefs that anytime anyone in our family is like i got this cold sore man that sucks he'll just be like well i bet you've been eating bananas haven't you you can't eat bananas give you a cold sore it's like, well, I bet you've been eating bananas, haven't you? You can't eat bananas. I'll give you a cold sore.

It's like, Grandpa, that's not true. You can't do that. So anytime someone gets it, he swears to God, even in public. Like, see that guy? Bet he was eating a banana. That's not true. If anything, that probably helps. He probably just sucked a dirty dick.

Yeah. More likely. That's his nice old man way of saying it. I've never had a cold sore. Or general herpes. I feel like I dodged the herpes bullet, and I just need to keep dodging it. You could still get it.

You shared a drink with me at the last paintball thing. Oh, God, you dick. I asked for it, and I knew you turned the bottle and gave me the clean side, but I was like, why did I do this? I didn't think of it until afterwards yeah you but but you didn't get it or you would have known by now you'd have had the outbreak by now so you're i didn't think about it until afterwards either i was like oh

it's not all the time i have to have one like going but i was healing up for one from one at the time it lays dormant next time you're about about to get sick, Woody, you can feel that kind of... I've been sick since. Like, awfully sick. It feels like a tingle and a twinge at first. And a little itch inside your lip. And if you ever feel that,

you should either go... You should get to your doctor the next day and tell them that you've got a cold sore and you want... Whatever that's, I wish I could think of it. Sovoclear, whatever it is. You want Clovis Cipher?

Cipher Clover? Something. You want the prescription medicine for genital herpes and that will fix your shit up within just a couple days. Otherwise, if you just like put Vaseline or Chapstick or whatever. Otherwise, if you just, like, put, like, Vaseline or ChapStick or whatever on it, it will just keep getting bigger and

bigger and bigger, and then all that tissue dies, and then it has to heal underneath as the dead tissue rots off and oozes pus, and then you get in the shower, and the hot water's flowing on it, so the scab gets really, like, ooey-gooey, and then you get out, and do you go to towel off? Rub it right off

and now it's just raw skin there again so you'll be careful and it'll scab over again same thing next day and now you got a scar and everything that you have to like aside from those pills to put on it to make it better is like alright you're gonna want to apply this every half hour and when it looks really shiny and like it's fresh

a fresh wound that's how you know it's working where it's like alright how the fuck am how you know it's working it's like all right how the fuck am i supposed to go out in public looking like i don't open wound on my face i keep like when when i didn't have the pills and i had to like apply a cream or i found this stuff that comes in like an eye like an eyedropper bottle that was much better that was like drops that seemed to get hard once you applied them if that makes sense like you applied it they'd evaporated and left like a hard shell um regardless of what it is like every half hour like you said i'm in the bathroom like all right put a fucking fresh coat

on this cocksucker you're healing fast but still it just turns into the most ugly nasty thing and if your kids share a drink with some motherfucker that's how i got it by the way as a child i shared a drink with some dirty motherfucker at school brought it home gave it to my dad gave it to my mom we all shared drinks. You know, it was just, as a kid, like we shared drinks. Apparently I was, I just, yeah, let me have some of daddy's tea. Let me have some mama's Pepsi. And just, I, everybody got it and I will have it for the rest of my life now, unless they find some cure for this virus. How often do you get it? Like a couple of times a year? If I'm i'm really stressed out that's that's when it's

gonna come um i get it at least once a year sometimes three times a year yeah i usually get it in chains where like one will come up and then it'll be like almost gone it's like all right i can finally go back to life looking like a human and then out of nowhere you know round two pops up on the other corner it's like like, are you shitting me? I've never had that. I have to go for a solid two weeks looking like an asshole. Yeah, I've never had that. That sounds awful.

But I get the one and then I got to deal with it. And it takes probably two weeks to heal up from start to finish if you don't have the prescription oral medication. Herpes talk. Yeah. Wow. I looked it up. Cold sores can cause a genital infection and vice versa um but then there was like six paragraphs of explaining the relationship and the difference

and whatnot i didn't really absorb it i couldn't like i've read what you're looking at at least twice and i i still don't understand the exact specifics of it what What I want to know is this, if I go down on you and yeah you, if I go down on you and you get an a genital outbreak, will you have been recurring genital outbreaks ever? Or, or here's that here's the other thing, will it will it give you the genital outbreak and then later you'll get an oral outbreak because it was the it was the oral type that I put on your genitals will that happen now that seems far-fetched to me but I would need to ask the question just to be sure I don't know the answer to that but what it appears that if I'm reading this

correctly even though you gave me a genital infection I still have type 1 that will reoccur as an oral infection interesting if I If I understand this right. So you'd have an initial genital outbreak followed by recurring oral outbreaks from the genital contact with my lips. And vice versa. Okay. So there's a whole like... Yeah. That's an ad

complication. If I were to give you type 2, which is the genital kind, it might show up on your lip and reoccur on your junk. Oh, my gen genitals i've got it now all right yeah good to know if i understand it right it's possible i don't but that's well that's good because i would hate to think that i had given that poor girl some sort of like lifelong genital herpes but but apparently it's just the oral kind which she already had okay well then no harm no foul arm no foul except for having to sit on those peas for a week oh so

circling back to the gentleman who couldn't get hard from the uh the prostitute i guess that's no sweat huh yeah it's it's i had a hard time myself i had to really focus to like make it happen um i think i'm lucky in the cock department i uh i've only ever been me so i don't know what's normal but i hear of these other guys who lose an erection while they put a condom on or you know don't get an erection from here like uh my boy's always sort of done what i asked him to well you've never tried to fuck a 200 prostitute in a hotel room. Fair counterpoint. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Fair counterpoint.

I told a story of a guy a couple weeks ago who had that prostitute and he, you know, no leche. No leche. No leche. Yeah. That's great. Apparently that's Spanish for milk. Yeah.

And it just wasn't going to happen. I could probably understand something like that. What? It's not like a bad prostitute. She should be good at it. She's always part of a prostitute sex act because she is a prostitute. So by now she should have figured this whole thing out. Oh, how to make him accomplish his goals.

Yeah, yeah. She should be used to guys being like nervous and concerned that they're paying for sex and all that. Part of her skill set should be setting you at ease and turning you on in a realistic fashion. Instead of just like, all right, this looks about right. Get your pants off. Yeah. I imagine a lot of prostitutes are actually pretty bad at that just guessing but I've only had the the one prostitute I think I the

thing is I watched um I watched a documentary on Netflix I think and it was about I think it was about Thailand. And these people would come and they were all, like the girls were never giving the guys enough attention. Like they were prostitutes, but they would stay with them from like, you know, for a couple of days in a row. And they would be at this resort.

And the girls always scurried off. Like in their dream scenario, they earned this money without earning it. So they're whatever, like at the bar or at some other other room or whatever not next to the guy being his girlfriend and it just seemed like they were all bad and they all had to be like hounded on to actually do their thing and one of the customers was fat like way too fast and but that's how the girls were reacting too. Like, I don't want anything to do with this guy. And I'm thinking like, you're a prostitute.

Don't expect a stream of hotties coming your way. Yeah, they're not using that service. They, by definition, don't really need it as much. Probably. Hey, I have a new topic. I don't know if it's any good, but apparently GM is making a car in china

and importing it to the u.s i what kind of car is it i'm pretty sure that i'm pretty sure that over 50 of my camaro was made canada so whatever you know i it's basically this country though something yeah right something about china though like it it it strikes a different core with me i don't know what it is trying to make some shitty stuff we're talking about that earlier yeah and they make some good stuff too don't they make iphones right yeah i feel like those are pretty well manufactured to some pretty tight standards um i think they make a lot of cell phones actually like a lot of the samsung stuff but i'm not sure maybe that's korea and messed it up but um china makes some good stuff but by god they make a lot of garbage i watched a reddit gif recently where the guy got these bricks from china and he could just

break them with his hands like building bricks like yeah the red building bricks like what the hell yeah the the brick you know american bricks are either solid or they have like that sort of pattern to it this looked like it had maybe six holes in it you know three and three and and yeah he could literally just crack them apart with his fingers and break all the bricks and they were awful and i feel like that i want to say america would never do that. And someone will be like, no, they would, it'll happen, et cetera.

But that shit just wouldn't leave the factory. They wouldn't ship that product to somebody. Americans would be, oh, my browser just crashed. Americans would be embarrassed of that kind, of a lot of the products that come out of China. Or some other company would figure it out and be like, oh, well, this company's making shit-tier bricks. This is a pretty easy opportunity for us

to shoehorn them out of the market. Yeah. We'll see where these cars fall on the spectrum, whether it's the next iPhone or absolute fucking garbage. Well, I think General Motors is the company that's going to be there ensuring the quality. You're just going to be using Chinese labor.

You know what I mean? Those Chinese companies, like we were talking about earlier, it's like an Alfa Romeo, but it's just a Chinese knockoff. Those are shit-tier quality. I've watched things about those before, and they talk about how they have issues

with them. And there's lots of, like, basically just completely ripped... Like, they make a model of the Lexus. They make a Mercedes knockoff. They do that for all the cool cars. And they are poor quality. I'm sorry. It's my understanding that Japan started out as

the China of yesteryear. And if something came from Japan, it was just absolute garbage and everybody knew it. And then over time Japan developed a reputation for quality. China could very well follow that route. But, god damn, it doesn't matter what it is. If it's a tool, if it's a ball bearing, if it's a brick, if it's a car. If it came from China, there's a very good chance that it is shit.

That's true. Is this a whole new GM car that they're making just in China? Or is this just they're moving factories over there? Kyle, do you know? I don't know. Sorry for interrupting. What were you saying? It's a Buick, it appears.

And it looks like it's a new car. I'm not certain. I can't wait to get that Chinese LeSabre in my garage. Don't tease me. That's going to turn heads. Yeah. I don't know. God, it's not like I don't

own anything from China. I guess there are some cases where price trumps quality. Every so often you're like, yeah, I get that it's total crap, but I don't need something good for this task. Yeah, that's definitely true. Sometimes a disposable item is just fine because it's a disposable task

and it's fine to get something that's awful made there. And I just don't like all the knockoff stuff that comes from there. Apparently, like, a huge percentage of the Chinese production is just knockoff goods. You know, it's fake Louis Vuittons and fake Rolexes. I feel like there's no level of shame. So, again, I'll talk about India because this is a thing that I know better.

I was, I, when I worked with Indians, I remember I bought my IDE. It's an integrated development environment. You typically use these, you know, computer tools to write code for you. And it was IntelliJ and I bought it. I wanted it. I bet they had a trial version and I used it. I wanted it. They had a trial version and I used it. I loved it. I bought it.

That was the thing. I was very impressed with it. And the Indian person I was working with was like, you bought it? And I was like, yeah, they totally earned it. Like this thing is fantastic. It's the greatest thing I've ever used. And she's like, yeah, it's a difference in culture

because Americans are proud to have not stolen their software, right? Like the things that you've – didn't you buy Sony Vegas? Yeah, me and Whiteboard, yeah. I bought it too. I did not. And there's a certain pride. Like, yeah, I paid for my Sony Vegas, right? But she was telling me, Indian people,

and I heard this from several Indians I work with, like it's almost an embarrassment. Like, you're stupid. You bought it. You paid money for it. You're so dumb. Don't you realize you could steal? Like, there's a stealing option on the table.

You just seem foolish. And I feel like with quality, like, there might be a cultural thing there, too. Like, yeah, we make rip-off Louis Vuitton. Like, we make, like, a shitty version of something someone else thought through. rip off Louis Vuitton like we make a shitty version of something someone else thought through and I I just if that was what I did I feel bad I feel bad somebody would have any but I mean you just wouldn't have any pride in your job if your job I I feel like if I made fake Louis Vuitton purses all day I would feel bad about that and don't make it purses let's say I made knockoff cars

like it looks like a Mercedes but it's a piece of shit like I would feel bad about that too I feel like but I don't it's just a cultural thing I think it's well known that when I make something it's the guys in the call, of course. Jeez, mention it again. I don't mind. It's part of your thing. All right.

I had another topic. That one went quick. Oh, Taylor Swift. So did you guys see that she was being sued for the lyrics in Shake It Off? No. So I hadn't heard this guy before, but that's a good question. It's a pretty old song, isn't it? Like that's not one of our new ones, right?

It's pretty new. I want to say Shake It Off is. This year. Yeah, within the last 18 months or something to me. Oh, here it is. The guy's name is Jesse – B-R-A-H-A-M. Braham? Bram? Braham?

I don't know. Jesse B. Jesse B. And he had a song. It sounds totally different than Shake It Off. Like it's not a pop song. It was like a rap, a slow rap song. It wasn't my cup of tea.

And it wasn't popular. It was like a slow rap song. It wasn't my cup of tea. And it wasn't popular. But in it, he included the lyrics, Haters gonna hate. And he mentioned that players gonna play. So when Taylor Swift came out with her song, which was like a little upbeat pop thing,

her song is like, Haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate. And players gonna play play play play play yeah I'm talented and he's suing her for 42 million dollars saying that you know all her record sales and stuff are attributed to him

now haters gonna hate to me is not a phrase that he coined like that's everywhere players gonna play potatoes gonna potate like there's a million of these. He's suing her over two words. Four. Three words.

Gonna. Play her. Yeah. Gonna play. Hater's going to hate, and player's going to play. Yeah. Well, she says it like four times each, and that's just the chorus. So, those add up.

Double digits now. So, those add up. Double digits now. He says that if he had never written his thing, that she would have never written hers, and that she owes him $42 million. Well, it's a good thing he lost, because that seems like bullshit. Dude, he didn't just lose. Oh, they make him pay fees?

Here's the thing. The judge wrote his judicial opinion on it. And, oh, God, I hope there's some taylor swift fans in here but um it goes like this at present the court is not saying that bram can never ever ever get his case back in court but now we've got problems and i'm not sure if bram can solve them is currently drafted currently drafted the complaint has a blank space, one that requires Bram to do more than just write his name. And upon consideration of the court's explanation in part two, Bram may discover that a mere pleading,

Band-Aids will not fix the bullet holes in this case. At least for the moment, defendants have shaken off this lawsuit. So he included like six different taylor swift songs in his in his like judicial decision he didn't say anything about bad blood or anything like that yeah yeah right like i i wish he called him mean but uh that that to me is the peak of this whole topic the guy included a bunch of taylor swift lyrics his decision. God, what a douche. He's awesome.

I completely disagree. The guy suing. I misunderstood. The guy suing. What an asshole. Like, you couldn't. That's just so frivolous. Three words.

Four if you count haters and hate as different, which is a stretch. So, just in $42 million. Like, what a sue-happy culture we live in. as different, which is a stretch. It's just $42 million. What a sue-happy culture we live in. Speaking of pop stars, I saw all those nudes, or the new nude, of Miley Cyrus. That was pretty great. It was not a

candid shot. I kind of like that it's not. She was 100% nude. She was sitting in a chair and her legs were crossed but you could see like the racing stripe on her vag hair I guess. Or pubic hair I should say. And anyway and she saw the camera and

she like did like this is kind of the pose. She's like this and she's like oh. You know like that. Other shoulder. You're looking the other way. And also throw the other leg up. And take your pants and circle like this. Well, I don't know. You got it. You're 60% of the way there. Yeah, this is better. You're getting there. Yeah, there you go. I feel like this is like when we had Kyle doing bench presses No, no, you only got it on that last attempt. That was the correct one.

Alright, but yeah. I looked at it for a few minutes. I'm sure you guys did too. I studied it and then I looked at the color corrected version so that I could get a better feel for what it would have been like to be there. And it's not like it's the first time we've seen her naked. There's tons of like, but this is the first time she's been naked and not like covered in goo or in like black and white or something crazy like that. Sitting on a wrecking ball or something. Like this was just her in I guess the green room or something getting her makeup done. She's between costumes I think. I think in her – she does multiple costumes throughout the show or something.

Okay. And you could – I also feel like it was not that photoshopped and orchestrated. No, I felt like that was a cell phone photo that was just uploaded to her Instagram, I think. And I tell you, there's people who have pride in their bodies and stuff. She's really committed to this. No shame. And typically no shame means you really should have had some. But

with this case, she's just, you know, like yeah, if you have a problem with nudity, that's going to be your problem. I say good for her. Yeah, she looks, I think she looks great. I think she looks really good. I've always said that. Like, everybody was giving her shit that thing when she was dancing on Robin Thicke.

She had that bad fitting. She had latex underwear on that were super tight and her butt looked flat well of course it does it's like her butt's like being i feel it wasn't just flat it was hanging out it was malformed it looked very lumpy i mean latex it's latex it's not some sort of breathable fabric she's literally where it should have had a better cut. It wasn't flattering. But that doesn't mean that she's terrible. It just means she wore a non-flattering outfit. Yeah, it just squeezed her in it and made her squish out the sides of it in an

unattractive way. But I think she's very hot. I thought she always has been. Her face leaves something to be desired, I suppose. But who's nitpicking here? She's got a great body. She is on the skinny side, I guess. But her face is just... She's a pretty girl and she's got a great body. She is on the skinny side, I guess. Her face is just... She's a pretty girl and she's got a great body. I like her tattoos and everything.

I think she's pretty fucking hot. I think she's a nine. You know? That's a mistake. That's a little generous. She's too skinny. I deduct a point just for that. That is not a thing. That's like too rich. That is a thing. I mean, you can see all the ribs

and I think I would prefer her maybe at a happy trail we got my girl totally put on a beard four more pounds football in her hand three-point stance now. When I say hack, you look back at me and nod just like Billy did back in school. You ready? Hack! Hack! No, I don't think she's too thin, but I do think her boobs are a little droopy.

I think that her face is pretty. Her boobs are zero droopy. They're right in there. She's like 20. they're a little um I like Kyle the way you were like yeah she can afford to gain a bit like four pounds she's a little girl I asked her current way you can go on a weekend she can go on a weekend of binge eating but not too much like I know no no what she needs is a week-long survival trip, and that ass will tighten

up. Oh, God. You'll be able to see the bones in it, like Auschwitz. Those ass bones will be protruding, and the skin's just draped over them. No, I just don't... I don't want to nitpick this person, because I see people do it on the internet. I think she's great-looking. But if you're scaling her on the

scale of beauty, like Christy Brinkley in the fucking 80s is like a 10 to me. Just fucking perfection. She's still like an 8, but carry on. I saw her on the Stern Show the other day. She's looking real nice. But in any case, you know, you got to deduct for her being a little overly skinny. And I think you got to deduct for her face because I don't think it's a 10 face.

It's not a 9 face. It's not an 8 face. It's not an 8 face. It's about a 6.5-7 face. Oh, that's just... That's too harsh. I think she's... It's a 7. Maybe a 7.

I think she's prettier than Kyle does. I think there's a lot of faces. But all you really have to do is... Is it a little bit of a puffy face? I guess so, but there's a lot of really cute girls. It's not puffy. That's not a thing at all. I feel like the geometry of her face is...

I never noticed that. No, to me, like... So I like Emma Watson's face. Like, she's got that, like, strong jawline and cheekbones and stuff. Like, I think that is the perfect face. Whereas the Miley Cyrus is a little more rounded. But you can be pretty and rounded and cute and stuff. And I think that's where she lands. Yes's you can be pretty and rounded and cute and stuff and I think that's where she lands yes you can

um and when I give her a nine I mean to me she's top 10% of the population that she'll find she might be a nine and a half right if I meet ten girls in her age group she'll probably want to be the one of the prettiest to you know he just grabbed them at random yeah And by far the richest. That's true. Now she's a 10. Yeah, she's like a billionaire. I forgot about her bank account when I was judging how hot she was.

There might be very little of that, but she's got rich. I don't know. I mean, she was a star going. You work for Disney. You don't come out with money. Really? You come out with exposure. That's my understanding of it.

Yeah, like all those Disney deals. They find people who are nothing, pay them nothing, and then they exit with a real opportunity to make more. What about her dad? Is her dad still making shit? Billy Ray? Billy Ray. Don't tell my heart, my icky-breaky heart.

I just don't think it understand. That was just such a big, awful, awful song. I saw that voted as one of the most annoying songs of all time a while back. He was super successful. Oh, yeah. Really, it depends to me what he did with that money. Because there are a lot of people who make a lot of money, but not a lot of people keep it. He doesn't seem like a rock star guy.

He seems like a country boy. That can be just as expensive of a lifestyle, though. Yeah. Like, those country habits of, oh, I want this tractor. I want all these guns. Maybe I'll get some livestock so I can play the part. Like, that's pretty expensive. I think he lives on a farmer's ranch or something in Tennessee, but I could have my facts wrong.

But I know she's got mega millions now for sure and I'm sure he's got got I'm sure they're both very wealthy people who want for nothing the other thing about being in their position is I feel like you can snap your fingers and earn the kind of money that most people work really hard for like you know if she could make a limited run t-shirt tweet it sell 25,000 of them and earn 40 grand and like she could show up at a birthday party for probably a 25 to 35 000 appearance fee and or more it's way more yeah i don't know birthday parties yeah is she gonna perform or she's gonna hang out i assume to perform right but yeah if you're gonna get her to perform bet you got to pay a hundred thousand at least.

I bet it's less, but I don't know. Um, I know that, um, who's that fucking rocker. Who's like real. It's not,

he's an older guy. He's all washed up, but his, his appearance, he did his own thing, right? Is that his name? Blonde hair?

No. Um, he's like really outspoken, conservative guy. Ted Nugent. Ted Nugent. Ted Nugent's appearance fee is $45,000. You want him to come

play some songs for you. Ted Nugent is not 50% of Miley Cyrus. You want Seinfeld to come do a show for you? A million bucks, he'll come to your house. Seinfeld's really expensive.

But the thing about seinfeld is he's nearly a billionaire so it takes a lot of money to motivate him to do that that's part of the problem with paying for pka guests a lot of people are like oh now that patreon money is here you guys could get like yeah we've never paid for chris pratt not technically you could get chris pratt or joe rogan and it's like Joe Rogan, according to celebrity net worth, which isn't very reliable, he's worth $22 million. So to incentivize a guy who's worth $22 million to do something he doesn't want to do,

that would have to be $100,000 or better. If you're like, look, I'll give you two grand, I'd be like, that is so inconsequential. I bet he'd come on the show if you offered him five, but he's not worth five. Like where does that money go? How do we rebound $5,000 of expenditure to get Joe Rogan? That doesn't make any sense.

I bet it's not fair. But I bet it would be more than that. He probably would say no to it. It depends what you want from him too. Yeah, I bet he's going to charge a lot. Yeah. I don't know. But it would be way too much to even get started on.

I mean, when I get paid to go places and do appearances, it's $5,000 or $10,000 just for me to show up. You're going to have a hard time motivating anybody to drop everything they're doing and fly across the country and appear at a place. So when I hear that, I feel like you'd have to really pay some money to get Miley Cyrus to come. It just so happens, Miley Cyrus has been listed on a couple sites for one of the most outrageous celebrity appearance fees and hurts one and a half million per private show. Bam! Pay up, motherfucker!

Yeah, so I don't know how many she... Will she do the whole album? Do you want her to? She'll leave halfway through for two. i would have thought it was a lot less but one and a half million naked then then that could be a thing like if i'm promised nudity then then maybe we could work something out and sell tickets to this thing here's another site another billionaire like another billionaire thing that kyle and i could do if we had the billion for entertaining we invite like 40 to 50

different celebrities all to the same birthday party at the same place and then make them all buy for attention with challenges for like an extra five million on the line where they're doing things they don't want to do like bobbing for apples or you know shotgunning beers like just really uncomfortable things that they don't like but they have to do it because you're so rich what celebrity that What celebrity that wouldn't be an obvious one would you want to pay to come to your party, get together, shindig, family

reunion, whatever thing? I bet you could pay Gary Busey and cake. I'd like to get Sage Northcutt on the show. You guys probably don't know him, but he's had one UFCfc fight he's 18 he is i'm gonna go so gay here his body is like an action figure like it's i've never seen

anyone this fit before oh backflip guy backflip guy yep yep yep he's the backflip guy and um he's been doing like martial arts and stuff since he was a little kid. And his personality is super bubbly and innocent. And he's very religious. So I don't know that he'd really fit in on PKA. But I'd love to try it anyway. And I don't know. Something about him is interesting to me.

He's been thrust into a world at 18 that very few people would come out well-adjusted and happy from. And I would love to catch him right now. I'd love to have him once a year and watch this guy evolve. Dude. Watch as the tattoos slowly begin encroaching. He is so good-looking and so popular right now,

he could fuck almost anybody, but he would never because he is so like straight lace, good guy, religious, straight edge. I feel like I'm using some of these terms wrong, but you know, he comes from a super supportive together,

tight knit religious family. And his sister seems like equally like super kid you know like perfect pure good-looking whatever and uh um i i swear i want them on the show throughout the years not to corrupt them myself but to watch the process i'd rather have my my already an already corrupted ufc fighter who'd like done some awful shit and was married to a porn star now and like was like breaking fingers now to make ends meet or something i've got just the guy but he's in jail a war machine well i mean the way it's usually goes he'll be out soon i do ronda rousey's that she was with took pictures of her naked. And I wish I could find it so I get my facts really right.

But she beat him. She's like, I hit him with the left. I hit him with the right. I gave him a hook. My thumb was hurting. So I just started like rabbit punching with the left. He curled up into a ball. So I got full mount and started pounding him some more.

Then I went out to the car and he chased me down and I beat him down outside. And it was like, dude, you reverse the genders on this. And it's a bad news story. Should have taken those naked pictures. You're true.

You take a naked picture of not Rhonda Rousey. I would avert my eyes immediately. Like, like, like, like, like, what's she doing without her clothes on?

They were dating. Yeah, they were dating. In my case, I'm imagining some accidental nudity. Like the wind blows and her top flies off. I'm just like, oh, let me help you, Mrs. Ross. Here's your top. Don't hurt me. That's ridiculous.

I saw that she didn't even talk about that and explain your move. Can you imagine if that guy who beat you... So I got her in a headlock, you know, because no upper body strength. And I had to start working her with these right hooks into the face. And after three, she was limp. But I gave her two good ones more. And then she dropped to the floor. And then the stomping started.

Yeah, it wouldn't go over too well. well i saw she endorsed bernie sanders uh she did that was all over the bernie sanders subreddit where i like to go occasionally to see the hope um they're really full of it over there the hope what's gonna happen oh there's gonna be a lot of a lot of not going to be burning anymore. They're going to be real sad. And hey. Can I read this? Yeah. After discovering that he had taken nude pictures of her, she confronted him.

She called him Snappers McCreepy. That's the only name she gave him. She slapped him so hard that, quote, my hand hurt. I punched him in the face with the right, then the left hook. He staggered back and fell against the door. Fuck my hands, I thought. I can't hurt them before a fight. So I slapped him with my right hand, and he still wouldn't move.

Then I grabbed him by the neck of his hoodie, and I kneed him in the face, and I tossed him aside into the kitchen door. Then when the fight ended, I walked out to the car, and he jumped in the passenger seat, asking me to hear him out. I walked around the car, pulled him by the neck of his hoodie again, dragged him into the sidewalk, and left him there while i sped away that's the scene what a monster be in jail yeah yeah what a monster she is yeah yeah that's a real piece of shit move rousey has a piece of shit move to take pictures of someone without their knowledge but that needing someone in the

face like you know how teams never have personality clashes while they're winning everything right but you take those same people and they lose and it just comes like the locker room has issues and such i feel like that's ronda's right now that champion team she like there are all kinds of problems around her in her life. Like her personal life is a bit of a mess. She's dating a guy who was just accused of beating his wife. And now he's separated. But there's some question as to whether they were dating while he was still married. Like actively married.

Maybe they beat wives together. Maybe that's what. Maybe they're both wife beaters. Her coach is dealing with like FBI and IRS investigations because he doesn't pay taxes. And there's some sort of shady thing happening there. He declared bankruptcy and said he's like never made any money and doesn't have any assets yet. His wife is doing this or that. And like there's a shady thing happening there.

And I don't mean to take shots at her, but she comes from a. So her father killed herself and then she then she grew up with that kind of trauma on her record. And... I'm sorry, what? He killed himself. Did I say it wrong? Okay.

Unless he was transgender. Okay. I was a bit confused. So his father killed himself and then that was something that created a lot of emotional trauma for her growing up. And I just feel like this is a woman who internally has a lot of baggage and trouble but because her life right now is just

hitting every green light it's it all like she loses one fight and this train derails well uh i think she fights on the is it the 17. That's the number that's in my head. She fights five days from now. I think it's, yeah, yeah. So if this goes up Saturday, I think she's fighting tonight. Is that blonde chick with the strong jaw and the ponytail maybe? Pretty girl. Holly Holm. Yeah, this is going to go, it won't go well for her.

I don't think there is anybody that can beat Ronda. I think that's the story, right? She's the first female who's not only talented but motivated and goes at it 1,000%. It seems. And she's been in martial arts since she was a child. It's a real perfect storm for a female athlete. Olympic-level athlete. Yeah. I mean, the real cool thing would be if ronda was 180 pounds like if

she was 180 pounds if she was six foot one that would be an i wouldn't like that i wish she was smaller and the challenge now is 180 she could she could beat up a lot of men there's not that many elite athletes who like cut and drain themselves to hit 185. I feel like the 115 division. So think about a really fit athletic girl. She probably walks around at 135, 140. This is a strong girl. A lot of models or hot girls might walk around at 115, 120, but a strong super athlete who'd be in a UFC fighter

might walk around at 135, 140. They're going to cut to 115 and fight at that well I want a giant version of Ronda Rousey who could beat up men that's what I want I hear you I just think if she was that giant and she fought women there'd be no other women for her see here's my prediction how this whole Ronda Rousey thing is gonna pan out like I think of her like she is good obviously she made it this far but I think of her like if you go back and look at pictures of like the 1917 Chicago Bears football team it's not like looking at pictures now where it's like that guy is a monster and you would notice him in the street you're seeing like oh that's you know uh Ted Matthews during the week he was a bartender but

on the weekends he would go out and play cornerback for the Bears and it's like okay like it was so different back then that those guys could not compete like they wouldn't even make it deep into tryouts nowadays they'd get the shit kicked out of them but that's exactly what Ronnie is I've been reading MMA forums that like I don't

know that much about the sport but I see a lot of people being like yeah her stand up game is rough she's like opening up huge lanes where she can get hit. As soon as this becomes popular enough that a ton of women are getting into it and training just as hard to be on her level, she's going to get unseated. Her stand-up game is way better than it was 18 months ago, and people hate on her constantly. They show this one gif where she does a bunch of arm punches, but if you look at her stand-up game right now, it's not bad. The sport is in its infancy, though though this is the way sports always go i feel like ronda is barry sanders back in that 1913 bears team you know like like holy fuck like that she came from the future and then just dominated

all these girls who were like waitresses at night. Do you remember that girl who was at paintball with us that time who was very muscular? Yes. And she was good looking, and I think we all thought she was good looking. That was about four years ago. You should see the pictures of her now. She got into bodybuilding and never stopped.

And I was watching her. She had dumbbells in each hand, and I'm going to guess that each dumbbell was 50 pounds. And she's lifting them over her head like this from a seated position. And the coach is behind her like, lift, lift. And so like on my forehead, like you can see that like this part is like sort of more. It's like a masculine forehead thing. More pronounced. She has has that and she's

going and dude she is so ripped she would whip my ass and your ass at the same time if she could like get her hands on you i feel like she would just overpower you regardless she is so big and strong dude her butt muscles are just there you see the striations like her abs are like each one is like this big square block and i mean every bit of her is ripped tell me about her body as hell and and she she looks very masculine if you ask me and it's not a attractive thing she looks like she's got a lot more testosterone than me like steroids steroids? That's, I think, what he's implying. I'm not implying anything. I don't know that.

I'm just saying she looks fucking huge. You should... Kitty knows her. Get Kitty to, like, show you some pictures of her at some point on Skype or something. On the Ronda fight? So here's the deal. I could make an argument for and against Holly Holm. She's a huge underdog, so it'd be dangerous to say she's going to win this thing, but she might.

Historically, grapplers don't dominate in the UFC, at least not currently. Now, if you look at the top guys, like Weidman's a great striker. Anderson Silva was a great striker. They don't have to have some ground game, but Jose Aldo is winning through his striking. Conor McGregor's

winning. Every champion hardly goes to the ground. Those guys have big hands. A man has a heavier hand. More knockout, I guess. I don't feel like she's hitting. Maybe I'm just wrong. I don't feel like her competition is hitting hard enough to knock her out like one of those fluke knockouts

like the guys are. What happened in the guys' division is when they all learned takedown defense, the guy who's working the takedown takes so much damage and spends so much energy to make that happen repeatedly you had to start having more effective hands because i just feel like takedown defense is easier than takedowns so when veranda meets a woman who's good at keeping her at range that could be very dangerous right if holly home was a boxer who really excelled at

the thing is holly holmes boxing was getting inside getting angles on person and just sort of eating you up right angle angle angle and then uh you know tie her up and wait for the ref to break it up or somebody's gonna jab jab jab for the first that's what i'm saying like there's there's a box like conor mcgregor for example seems to be pretty good at beating you without getting on the inside uh if that if his you know female clone existed that person might present a lot of trouble for ronda rousey having said that ali homas had a bunch of fights more recently like her high level boxing stuff and her kickboxing stuff and her mma stuff where it's been kind of a long grindy sort of slow like what some people would

call an unconvincing win but that's the style that'll work against Ronda like you know I don't know about that I feel like I feel like once Ronda lays hands on these these girls and she's and she throws them that fucking judo throw like over her hip and you're on your back and then her big ass is on top of you with those shoulders like a man swinging. Yeah, you're right. I think Ronda's going to continue to dominate for the next maybe year or so, but unlike your comparison of putting Barry Sanders in 1917, I think of her more like take a completely average run-of-the-mill running back from right now and put him back then, and he would create every record.

They would still be unbeaten and unassailable because of the competition. I disagree with both of you. Here's what I think is going to happen. I think that over the next year or so, her career is going to take off big time and she's not going to be a fighter anymore. I think she'll retire from fighting in a couple

of years unbeaten and she'll do movies or something like that. She's already got a couple movie roles. She's in that Entourage movie and she's getting she's getting plenty of offers to do lots of sure yeah i mean little roles like that isn't are not what she needs she needs to like show some acting chops like you saw that that what's the movie with the female comedian that just came out um amy schumer uh the train wreck movie i i love that i thought amy schumer did a really really good job and I think it's gonna guarantee her a lot of

acting work in the future. She's kind of cemented already, I feel like, as someone who can act a little, or at least be a convincing, comedic female actress, and I hate that overweight chick from the spy movie who, McCarthy? Yeah, I hate her. Absolutely.

I think she's way funnier as an actress than Amy Schumer. I like Amy Schumer. I want to circle back to that. Can we do the ad? Yes, we can. I'm pulling it up right now. Tell everyone about Dollar Shave Club. Give them hell.

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It's where you need to be. I really do like the razor blades. I use them exclusively because I have just so many. It wouldn't make any sense to ever buy a razor blade again, really. I got lots of them. I like the razor. I think I got the more expensive one. Maybe the $7 or $9 actual razor.

The part that the blade's attached to. I don't want a razor handle. What do you fucking call that thing? But I like it. I like it a lot. And I've been using it for months and months and months now. So I don't think I'll go back. I'm not sure if I have the... I have either the middle one or the top one.

And I'm totally happy with it. It's heavy. Yeah. I like that. Yeah, it's definitely not like a... Plastic piece of shit that vibrates. You ever had the one that vibrates? No.

I've tried that. It's fucking horse shit. It's nonsense. It doesn't help. It makes me anxious that I'm going to cut myself. Like maybe you can't feel the contact as well as you could before, and you're just like... And like the blood's just flowing like a predator.

It's like a Parkinson's simulator. That's just what you want for shaving Michael J Fox shaving experience That's a great tagline he totally should have done that the back of this future like Bic razors and He was on a he was on a TV show. I forget which one it was Yeah, yeah, but when he did it would just be it would be perfect because it's counteract He was on a TV show. I forget which one it was. Yeah, but when he did it, it would be perfect because it's counteracted. He handed a soda to Larry David or something.

I forget who it was. It exploded all over him. He's like, did you shake this? He's like, I don't know. Maybe I did. I like how he just embraced that and made it so funny. Man, he had such a great interview with Howard Stern talking about, like, he got that Back to the Future money, but he was still doing the TV show,

and then he follows it up with Teen Wolf, and he talked about how embarrassed he was by Teen Wolf and how he didn't think it would stand on its own. And then he gets the diagnosis at, like, 29 years old or something like that, and they tell him, but don't worry, you got 10 good years left, something like that and they tell him but don't worry you got 10 good years left something like that and he's just like mind blown and like he feels like that really derailed his whole career he felt he felt like he went into this disaster mode where he didn't he kind of stopped living his life and stopped working and stopped doing the things that made him happy because he was so afraid of this diagnosis that had just been handed to him.

It was cool hearing his retrospect on the movies, the disease, all that stuff. Stern is great with his interviews. I feel like I'm missing out by not hearing more Stern. I love it. A lot of these, I bet, are available on YouTube. There's a YouTube channel that seems to upload every day. He doesn't do five shows a week now. It's three or four.

I'm not really sure which. There's so many reruns mixed in that I don't really care if I'm watching a new show or a show from 1993. I like the Stern show. Because he's too smart to talk about current stuff. No, he does. Does he?

I love that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You go back to the O.J. Simpson trial and listen to him talk about that. Go to the 9-11 show, the day after 9-11. They're doing the show live as 9-11 is going down. People call on in. At first, they're kind of making light of it a little bit.

Like, oh, maybe something silly happened. And then it starts setting in what's happened, and it gets more serious. And then they come back. They broadcast there in New York. They come back in the studio the next day when so many people are are afraid to work afraid to go back into Manhattan and I don't know I all those old shows are like classics to me I um I want to talk about 9-11 for a second so on 9-11 that day I think I worked from home and then drove to work like while 9-11 happened while like the first plane had already hit it. So I'm listening to the radio

as you did back in 2001. And I'm like fully informed on it. And it's no big deal. I don't know that it's a terrorist attack. But I know that a plane hit the World Trade Center. And that it was on fire. I felt like

skyscraper fires were not a common thing, but they happened. And the buildings didn't fall because of a fire. That was ridiculous. Yeah. And I was like, all right, either a plane hit it because he's a bad pilot or they had something bad in mind. I'm not sure. There'll be a fire. They'll put it out.

There'll be 80 people dead. And that's the nature of it. No, it was a national disaster that was going to reshape the the world's history then that was happening not at all and there was a company-wide meeting like or maybe it was it wide meeting or something but me with like 2 000 people in it and uh you know i'm attending that and none of these people know but i do because they all got to work like before it started and i know about it none of them know about it, none of them know about it, and then they start talking about it. From my perspective, I'm like, yeah, you dumb fuck.

So this is 9-11, so. They canceled the meeting and everyone went back to their cubes. At this point, they're gathering around. Every website is overloaded and can't handle it. CNN is effectively down yahoo's which was big at the time like yahoo's kind of down etc slash dot worked and it was the place where people would exchange their like current thoughts um one guy would get like cnn to work on their computer so everyone gathered around that cube and we watched it until it would freeze my wife called me and she's like it fell

the tower crashed and i'm like no like what do you mean by it fell some chunks fell off yeah and i was impolite to her you know like i thought some chunks fell off or something like that and um she's she's like no it it I'm like, okay, how much is left? And I'm expecting it to be like, oh, like 109 stories now. Like how tall is it? And she's like, I don't know, like maybe one story, maybe two. And that's when I, that was like the second I recognized that this whole fucking thing crashed.

Um, somebody on slash dot said that they're like all right there's i'm gonna get my numbers wrong but like there's 60 000 people in the building it's 120 floors my friend got out of it right like as it crashed you know if he was 60 seconds slower then he would have died he came from like halfway up So we can assume that half the building died. And he ran the numbers on it. And it was like, so this is going to have about 45,000 deaths or something crazy like that. And I was like, holy cow. Yeah. Early on, that's what they were saying, like tens of tens of thousands. It made Pearl Harbor look like, you know, I don't know. It paled in comparison. Yeah. Pearl Harbor was like a drunken night hangover, you know, I don't know. It paled in comparison.

Yeah, Pearl Harbor was like a drunken knight hangover. You know, this was a serious death and sickness. It turned out that I think the numbers are pretty comparable. Didn't they both lose around 3,000 people? 3,000 or 4,000. Of course, he had the long-term effects of all the asbestos

and awful things that happened. All the cancer, etc. One of those firefighters who got cancer? Yeah, a lot of the people who were near the blast zone or ground zero at all and who worked in the recovery and cleanup and all that, they got sick. I was in driver's ed, so we were listening to the radio. We couldn't have gotten the news any sooner by radio, I don't think. We got it.

I remember my driver's ed teacher being like, I bet it was that Osama bin Laden fella. Really? I swear to God, he called it right there. He was the baseball coach slash driver's ed teacher. And right there, he was like, I bet it was that Osama bin Laden fella. In my head, I was like,

no, it's not fucking Osama bin Laden. He's not cool anymore when's the last time he did anything interesting like what do you do like bomb a barracks like like like eight years ago or something like nah and sure enough you know i turned out they blamed it on osama bin laden after all so it was really bush i uh i got the rest of the day off school and it was just like i could tell my parents parents were, like, shaking up about it, but I was, like, 11. Yeah. And so, for me, it was kind of just, like, the teacher, like, fifth grade or sixth grade teacher.

Fifth grade. Like, brought, like, one of those wheelie do TVs in. Yeah. And was, like, watching it. And it was, like, this was before, like, this was, like, right as it was happening. and it was like, this was before, like, this was, like, right as it was happening, and everybody still thought it was a fire or some kind of mishap with gas or some kind of leak,

and then as soon as, like, the second one hit, it was like, all right, well, turn that off for all the kids not to be freaked out, and it was like, all right, well, we're contacting your parents, and they should all be here shortly to come pick you up. Boys and girls, today's word is jihad boys and girls today's word is jihad yeah and so then i just got to go home from school and i didn't really understand it was a big deal because i was like wait you mean me and my buddy alex

yeah at this time of day get to go home and play pokemon like that's fine like i don't i don't know what happened i don't need to know just let me go heard of that world trade center anyway yeah that's far away from here right so how about the next day like so i was a I don't know what happened. I don't need to know. Just let me go. I haven't heard of that World Trade Center anyway. Yeah. That's far away from here, right? So how about the next day? So I was an adult. I had kids and everything. Just briefly for me, because I think I've said it before.

For the next week, it was almost like not okay to have fun, not okay to laugh. We were talking to close family, friends in the neighborhood. And you'd laugh and it just felt disrespectful because there's a somber note across the whole nation everything you know like sports right like i don't follow sports super close more close at the time i can't explain a bunch of the game i didn't care like i didn't care That season was just emotionally Over It seems so dumb and trivial And then you had Giuliani on Saturday Night Live

And they literally said Is it okay to be funny again? Yeah And I don't remember what his response was But it was a joke And they kind of picked it up from there It was something like why start now Oh yeah

Why don't you start now giuliani did an amazing job with that thing i thought um i'm surprised he didn't turn that into into a presidential bid that worked you know i felt like he was really i felt like he did a great job forget he did a great job in the void of bush doing a great job like that thing happened and for the next four days, Bush was just, like, in a bunker somewhere hiding like a pussy. Giuliani was in a command center making shit happen. He was...

And that's after the first command center got destroyed when the fucking tower fell down, you know? Like, that was one of the real crippling moments from what I understand, is they had this command center with all these important people who had the know-how to like at least coordinate all the the the branches of the local and state government and stuff you know the police fire department

rescue and all that and then the building fell on them they were in like a mobile command center and it killed them all so like I'm sure that you know you're having to go to your third string emergency coordinator guy or whatever in every aspect it seems like and giuliani stepped up big from what i remember from those days that's how i remember it too and i'm not a big giuliani fan but he was there and and i'm also not a big bush fan he wasn't there and i'm still like like they they remember him next to the firefighter with the bullhorn and i'm like fuck your fucking state event of nothingness a week too late. I remember the clip of Bush throwing the pitch during that baseball game where he actually threw a really good pitch and everybody was waving flags and clapping about it.

He threw a fucking strike. He did. Yeah, if you go to like the diagram of like all time best and worst first pitches, like 50 cent is like 60 yards to the left. And George W. right square in the middle. I wonder how much they practice it. That's a neat clip. Yeah. Like I'm not a pitcher.

I'm not even particularly good at throwing and catching. But if you told me I had a first pitch, I guarantee you that would be my thousandth and first pitch. Do you know about baba buoy from the stern show you know the um you know the guy who produces the show do you know about his first pitch mishap all right so i'm gonna i'm gonna pull it up so we have the visual aid but basically he got invited he's a huge huge mets fan and they had him throw out the opening pitch at i believe a mets game and he real and you know they talk it up on the show of course like like everything you know it was a topic of discussion you know you know he's going

to do the pitch tomorrow today's the tomorrow's the big pitch whatever and I'm gonna find it his name is Baba Bowie that's his nickname it's um I bet I can find it first pitch Baba Bowie his real... Oh, I'm having a brain fart. That's all right. Baba Booey's fine. I think I have it. Gary. Gary Delabate. That's what it is. Gary Delabate. Try that. What do you think? It's 30 seconds long. Perfect.

All right. And don't worry. It gets worse. Okay. I'm queued up at zero. Same. Taylor, ready, set, play. May 9th, 2009, Bubba Booey throws out the first pitch. History was made. Oh, my God.

Look at him. He's so embarrassed. He just threw it and it hit the umpire. He hit the umpire. They have it from multiple angles. And he threw badly. Like, that was a. Look at that. Oh, that's just terrible.

That's turnstile. I know. Then he's on the fucking and then the next video is 25 minutes of them ripping on him. And if you want another hour after that, there's another hour after that. They ripped on him and and there's there's if you want another hour after that there's another hour after that like like they ripped on him they still do they still bring

it up and rip on him for like a 30 minute segment to this day but the best part is then he goes on the jimmy kimmel show to promote his book i think i think he wrote a book called i'm by i they call me baba booey i think that's the name of his book and uh jimmy k Kimmel brings out a glove and a ball and says, Redemption time. He hits a woman in the crowd in the fucking head. No! He did? Beans are in the fucking head, yeah.

Yeah. Completely botched it. So he didn't practice at all in the years? He said he practiced. He's coached baseball. There were instances of him making fun of other Stern staffers because they quote through like a girl. But when it came down to the thing,

and all your thoughts you're having right now about like getting a pitching coach, literally a pitching coach, like I would. You're going to put me in front of 50,000 people live and the nation on TV. I'll get a pitching coach. I'm going to fucking, let's get that thing up to 75, 80 miles an hour if we can.

Let's make it pop. Let's at least hit the glove. But he just hits the umpire. I'd going to fucking, let's get that thing up to 75, 80 miles an hour if we can. Let's make it pop. Let's at least hit the glove. But he just hits the umpire. I'd be happy at 50. Sure, whatever. Just get it there and make it a strike. That's what's important. Just get it there, really. It doesn't matter if it's high or low or a little outside, left or right. As long as the catcher doesn't have to jump and

leap to catch it, it's not embarrassing. You pull a 50-cent or a ba-ba-booey though, and that's a shame i just need a catcher with a nice nine foot arm he needs one of those uh what's that stupid sport where they've got the lacrosse lacrosse yeah he needs a lacrosse oh i got it don't worry yeah don't you love those sports mishaps where things go wrong like that where there's they you can tell they're so excited like there was there was some clip of this girl at the beginning of a hockey game they're like she was skating around like holding something like maybe a torch for the olympics like not at the olympics but commemorating

it before like a canadian game or something and she was skating around and there was a cord on the ice and she just didn't catch it and it just got caught her up and she didn't fall like a oh oh dear i've made an error it just like a whip just bam face into the ice like borderline unconscious there's another clip of this lady at a hockey game who was singing the national anthem and you can tell she was so nervous

because I think she walked out of the wrong door to go out there one of them has like the carpet where you walk out onto and then you sing and she walked out the one that was just ice and she just immediately I don't Why wasn't she escorted? I don't know. Maybe she overstepped. I don't remember the details. I just remember she fell so bad that like she

couldn't even go on to sing it. Any hockey player would have been happy to like take her by the arm. Carrier you mean? And it doesn't take a lot of skill. Like I could easily guide her to where she needs to go. If only Woody had been there to save the day. I would have loved to do that.

In a future where the world freezes over, Woody will be some sort of superhero skating around rescuing dabbles in distress. Dude, I found a picture of me and my hockey team from back in the day. We had just won a championship.

And we posed for a picture. I bet I could find it. Yeah, I want to see it. Let me run to the day. We had just won a championship. And we posed for a picture. I bet I could find it. Yeah, I want to see it. Let me run to the bathroom. I'll be back. Alright. How long ago is this? This picture you're looking for? In the 2000s.

It's like a men's league. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And by the way, it was like a B-league thing that I used to be. I used to be in a bunch of hockey leagues. When you're an adult man, it's more just like for the social and like a beer league kind of thing. Yeah. Not like hyper competitive. The picture is pretty big. You'll have to shrink it if you want to see it.

But there it is for you. Let's see. I'm in the, I won't even say where i am i think people will find me yep back right that's right that's me top right that goalie was old but he was good he actually played a league and uh maybe he's why we won i don't know yeah he's got that those old heavy looking goalie pads yeah that don't quite butterfly down like the ones nowadays do there's a thing where they're like thinking about uh maybe not seriously thinking but uh i heard talk of like either making the nets bigger in hockey for more goals which they won't do because that would mean that thousands of rinks around the country you have

to spend millions of dollars on new nets or just making the goalies' pads smaller again because goalies are so much bigger now. In fairness, when they made them smaller the first time, that was totally the right call. Yeah. They had gotten silly. Gar Snow in particular, remember he had not shoulder pads, but he had little billboards that went vertically.

Like he had shoulder pads with like, I don't know what to call them, like perpendicular boards that came out of the top. And then his jersey, of course, would go over them. But you could tell there was like, it looked like he put a hunchback with his shoulders this high. Yeah, and it just made his shoulders go up to his ears essentially. And, you know, it's another thing that he just enlarged his whole self. Yeah, this is one of the hockey teams I was on. Probably not even the best one.

But, yeah, if you can't tell, I wore pants Hartford Whaler style. Oh, I do not like that look. I love it. I can tell you were doing doing it i don't like it i like the nice matching socks okay as a look i like what you know most people do which is like the matching socks and stuff like that but um uh i used to have trouble with the shorts i own would get behind the knee pads kind of like maybe as a well you probably played out of goal too but um yeah my shorts would get behind the knee pads and i have to like fix it while i'm playing and stuff and it was just an issue i felt like my shin pads weren't as secure with socks as they could be i think i just like

taped the hell out of them on top of my pant legs yeah you want like a girdle on the inside where you can clip them like where you're wearing that's for your socks that's what i'm saying like you it's a jock strap and then it's like short like compression pants and then hanging off the bottom of the compression pants are sock clips yeah yeah i had that um but i didn't like it as much and what i was saying was the um the shin pads itself would like slide around my shin like not necessarily point forward perfectly when, uh, with like a sock holding it. And I guess, I don't know why I felt like I couldn't tape outside a sock as well as I could a pant, but, um, no one else, those pants were like beat to fuck. Uh, like they had gotten holes in them and stuff. And I just kept on wearing them. And I had noticed that all the best players

had beat to hell equipment. And, um, I wasn wasn't awesome and like don't let me lie about how great i was in hockey or anything but um yeah at my best i was a player you'd want on your team that's for sure you know like i'm looking at this squad right here the captain the one with the c was better than me the guy next to the goalie was better than me but you were probably third and then i think i was third i think i was the third best guy on this team yeah and then like eat up pad thing is exactly right what you're saying like you always especially in those kind of leagues if you see a guy with really like especially like goalie like i wouldn't like getting new stuff that much because they'd be

like oh really well all my old stuff with all these black marks on it like each one is like a badge of a save and i have to go out there looking like a fresh-faced asshole, like, oh, look at me. I haven't saved anything before. You're safe shooting on me. That's what I'll look like next time I play. I think I actually, I don't know if I, a lot of my equipment had mold on it,

and I threw it away. I was like, that's just kind of gotten yucky. And the helmet, the padding inside it, this is even while i played it had gotten super hard like it wasn't soft anymore and it is time for new gear except for the jerseys i still have all that stuff that's how my like my old hockey gloves are like ideally they're nice and flexible so you can get your your mid out there but like when i try and put it on now if i do just to try it like i did a few months ago just to see it hasn't been worn in years

but like you have to make like a cerebral palsy hand to fit it in there because it's so just matted down and hard and crispy and yeah even Kyle's fucked up fingers and joints couldn't match all my gloves would last me I don't know

a couple of months and I wear holes in them I don't know if all players I don't know if it's something I did that was different, that I got holes in the palms of my gloves more often, but I got holes in the palms of my glove more often than the people I played with. Your gloves might have been a little loose on the palms. I know that was a thing that some defensive coach said. Because when you shoot, you're kind of using the torque of the inside of the glove to grip. Really interesting talk for everybody out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I'm riveted. Oh, I know you're kind of using the torque of the inside of the glove to grip really interesting talk for everybody out there yeah yeah yeah but i'm riveted oh i know

about the holes i would hate to see you put on skates and give it a go with playing hockey pads the pads and everything huh yeah i think i would have a real hard time staying upright and i could probably get going in a straight line and i'd be like yeah here we go fucking yeah let's get some speed going and then just the pads would be nice because I feel like I would fall on the pads instead of just on my ass or my palms like I normally do. Sometimes new skaters, they fall like on their butt and back and put their elbows down. That's an awful fall. I'm not an awkward faller. Like when I fall, I know how to do it.

I've fallen a lot in my life i've had a lot of wrecks and like atv accidents i fall well um i i i i curl up and roll and try to stay loose and i usually come out of those falls pretty pretty well but you'd be falling on the no i wouldn't be fine at all no no i mean with the falls like this isn't like oh the falls wouldn't be a big deal yeah 1940s hockey they They're wearing slightly hardened leather. This new shit, you'll fall, and as long as you're not falling on your ass or tailbone, you won't even feel it.

It's like wearing... Oh, I believe it. Just looking at it. I mean, if it's anything like football pads, but it's even more, but not as big and bulky and crazy and stuff, but in different ways. So I think I'd be fine with the falling.

If I learned to skate, maybe I could get around, but still, I wouldn't be able to skate as quickly, as powerfully. I wouldn't be able to turn on a dime, control myself, certainly not skating backwards. I don't know how to control a fucking puck. The stick would be a foreign implement that was impeding me rather than helping me.

I bet it's easier for you to skate with a stick. I bet it helps with balance, and you're using it almost like some animal uses its tail to, like, work some kind of motion into your skating. I do use it as balance balance but not like a cane that they kind of lean on it's more like a counterweight almost that's what i was thinking yeah i feel sometimes a little naked skating without gear because it's like what do i do with my hands and you know but when the when the stick is there like the speed skaters in the olympics

remember when apollo ono was like our one shining uh hero and that was winter olympics because like who cares about this shit apollo ono the skater guy like what the fuck you've got your hand kind of in front of you and it like twists and like you know the tilts from one way to the other when you're going fast and it's on the heel of the blade and i just kind of like know how to do it whereas when i'm skating like in just regular clothes and stuff i feel like it's missing you feel naked and i look like a real asshole when i'm doing it because i wear i use goalie skates oh so like i'm just wearing like jeans and those big old plastic covered clown shoe goalie skates with the big blades and that and they don't have

like proper like a lot of goalies hate edges you know and every time like even if they get their skate sharp and maybe yours is different but the goalies i played with like every time they clanged them against the pipes and stuff they felt like it was better they wanted to be able to shuffle on their skates and slide a skate out and not have the edge catch it was always better to for me to sharpen my skates before a practice or two before the game like i never wanted to go in get my skate sharpening go straight to a game because it's just much harder i still i think i did like pretty sharp like 9 16th oh i forget what i did i don't even know in any case like i would just be very poor at that the skating thing like i said it

hurts my ankle so much that like i i just don't even have an opportunity to skate enough to get good at it and then just adding the stick and the puck and other people to the mix would just be a nightmare i'm a real fish out of water when it comes to that i'm afraid i would like i i picture like all right we're gonna do it you know what what the hell a pka hockey event just for fun right i'll be the announcer i don't think there's any money to be made in it right i'm fine with that i'll run a concession stand whatever a meetup in my dreams there's like 13 players and two goalies that show up to this thing right i don't want to i guess two teams so maybe 26 players and two goalies um and one goalie i guess because taylor'd be one so um look if you really want to do that thing pick a location for and start having like having sign-ups. Like, I'll go.

I'll go. But I'm going to be the announcer. I think we'd pay our own way. It's too small. It's not like, you know. Yeah, we'd have to pay our own way in some way. But if you actually wanted to do it, then I don't know.

I'll be the referee or something who doesn't know the rules. Oh, my God, that'd be even harder. Are you skating around without the help of the stick? No, no, I'll be outside the rink with a megaphone. That looked good to me. I think that's icing. You know, we don't need many people. We could make it low budget and do it in Raleigh.

Whatever. I don't care. If you want to do a meetup of any kind whatsoever, I'm always willing to do it. Just about anything or anywhere. I bet there are some people who would be like, you know i'd love to play hockey with taylor and woody and i'm be watched by kyle five i'm five hours from from raleigh like i'm in like you know what i need do they make watching kyle call it like beep i don't know what that is doesn't look right no way no way you

can do that but i'm afraid like chiz and just have arbitrary bullshit rules as i like like rule over the game and just like make stuff up like ah penalty box for you sir what what you picked your notes i'm going way too fast i'm afraid that if i like skate at full speed with a puck now i'd leave it behind or something and that would be it'd be embarrassing i'd pull a groin or something trying to play i i you're not there yet you're like 24 right yeah yeah yeah give it like six years and there will be things you could do that you don't know it yet but if you try them you'll realize that's been taken from you you know like oh yeah i could do splits right dude trust me i've done like 6 000 splits then you're like 30 and you're like oh yeah I could do splits right dude trust me I've done like 6,000

splits then you're like 30 and you're like oh you know what that's not a thing anymore I don't do splits now yeah it's just totally not my thing and I just don't think I would be competent even able to stand on the ice and observe so I won't play

but I'll definitely go and not be an asshole about it I really would be the announcer or at least a spectator or a cheerleader. What sport meetup would you want to do? Dodgeball. Oh, I love dodgeball. I love dodgeball with a passion.

Whenever we got to play it in school, I was psyched. Psyched like the way I would be if you get to go to the fireworks store or Six Flags. I'd be like, I get to play dodgeball. I loved it. And it's co-ed dodgeball. We're letting the special

kids play, too? And the underclassmen? Oh, are they gonna wheel Jimmy out there, too? Oh, fuck yeah. Oh, yeah. Where's my talcum at? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Some of those special kids have got cannons, though. I would fucking sling that thing.

I'm sprinting towards the line, sliding and grabbing a ball and trying to get two people off the break. I love dodgeball. We played dodgeball at the MMA gym that I went to. Like, some nights we would have dodgeball, and they used these really dense foam balls that you could sling. And, you know, it's foam, so even a grown man

throwing as hard as he could it just if i got hit i saw somebody get hit in the nose it didn't bloody their nose but it you know woke them up they knew they'd gotten hit um so they were perfect now nobody's getting really injured but we went hard and it's all like adult male athletes playing dodgeball which i wasn't used to um i held my own just fine and i had a great time but i really enjoyed back in high school when I was the senior playing with the underclassmen and the girls and I would just have like two or three balls racked up here and I'm just like who's next? You! You! Oh really? Double time! It's like trying to fuck with people. I love dodgeball so yeah if I was gonna

pick it'd be dodgeball. I would be down with that. Do you guys have, I don't know if this is just something that's here in st louis but do you have sky zones there is that a place is that the indoor uh is that skydiving thing no it's it's this guy's door there's a couple of them here maybe one or two and basically it's you can either do free jump or dodgeball and everybody goes for dodgeball and it's this huge like the size of a basketball court all trampolines on the ground and the walls angle up and all the walls are trampolines and so you play dodgeball like jumping and doing flips and you know playing against random people and me and my friends would go and it'd be this is back in high school so like me and like five of

my friends who we thought we were good at dodgeball we would go and effectively pub stomp and beat the shit out of 13 year olds and young kids yeah how to play together and so as we're leaving one day they were like hey you guys want to sign up for this dodgeball tournament we have one like every month or so and we're like oh fuck yeah we'll come in we'll clean up we can we can do this dodgeball tournament sign up get a free months of jumping and dodgeball we did it and we showed up up, and these people had coordinated t-shirts. They had those gloves with the Pokemon Trainer fingerless gloves they were using. There was a guy who brought his own ball, which a ref had to be like, you can't just bring your own ball.

We provide those. And the guy's like, ridiculous. All right, so he put the ball in his locker. He put it back in his case on there and we go in the first time and i think that we're just gonna clean up these guys have their own t-shirts but i think that's like a pathetic thing and i'll turn our videos back on and one of the dudes in the middle was this big, fat fuck, and I thought that he was going to be an easy first out. Immediately off the break, this guy catches four of the six people on our team's balls,

the big, fat guy, because we all thought that he was going to be the easy first out. He just goes, pop, pop, pop, pop, like catching them and then dropping the other one, dropping the other one like a magician. And then he caught one of them and kept it, and i was one of the few people left on the team who was alive and i i was like standing there prepared like i'm gonna catch this get our team back in the game and this guy threw it so i love that you're still cocky yeah i thought that i like lagged in real life or just like bam sitting right in the forehead like the nose was like a little bit of blood but not like a full-on nosebleed.

And we just got three in a row against these guys and the other two teams just butt-fucked. I think we got four people out the whole time. It was so demoralizing. Like, our friend was there. One of our friends and my teammate's girlfriend was there, and she was up on top, like, taking video of it. And we went back and watched it later and it was

just a bloodbath. Yeah, so humiliating. Let's restart the call. I feel like the camera's not coming back. Yeah, it'll just shoot super quick. Yeah, I remember there were dodgeball leagues in in like 2005 2000s yeah it was 2004 2005 there were dodgeball leagues kind of in my area and some of the guys who were a year or two older than me

who were like 20 or so were uh you know they were playing in it and i remember like what they'd wear and stuff but i never got into it i wanted to but I didn't have any of my own friends who played it. I did a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu competition. I did two of them, actually. I got a gold and bronze. But the point is there was a dodgeball thing at one of these things happening at the same time. And for whatever reason, I don't know, they just didn't have

enough people sign up. So they're like, hey, you know, if you guys are doing this shits thing and you're either you're knocked out or maybe you just have some time or whatever go sign up for dodgeball they're looking for people and you're athletic you know give it a go and i didn't i maybe i should have i wouldn't have been good but i would have had fun yeah you're just throwing balls at each other and trying it's fun they had a bunch of different size balls like there's some big ones that were i don't know maybe harder to catch And some little ones that you could really zip.

And the people seemed to, like, the balls. I think one of the rules might have been you could deflect with a ball. You can. Yeah, so the big ones were, like, more valuable for defense. And it was kind of cool. Anyway, I watched it a lot. And I realized that had I been in it, it would have been disgraceful. That these guys, like who who travel it was the Budweiser international dodgeball

tournament fuck yeah yeah stillers out there spice guy Olga like the big chick like you played against the fucking some pro dodgeball or we're gonna playing it some pro dodge Budweiser has a team budweiser sponsored the brazilian jiu-jitsu thing too i don't know yeah that's cool so that makes more sense because i see bud light on in the octagon but dodgeball is like there was that move that ben stiller movie of course but other than that like i don't know of any that's just something that happened in junior high right like i didn't know the thing but i love it it really has that in volleyball because i was you know six foot two in high school so most of my most of everyone i was playing against was you know a lot shorter

it's me and my buddy john scott who was six four and was like a fucking pole vaulter like we would dominate high school volleyball like i'd i could i'd serve it up and he'd make bloody noses rain it was it was a good time i had the opposite experience as a freshman so keep in mind i'm small right as a freshman i was late to the puberty train and uh so as a freshman i entered that with a good like seventh grader's body and um i liked volleyball and i even thought i was kind of good at it like in middle school i could consistently get the ball to the other side of the net sometimes even where the other player wasn't. And that was what it took to win, you know, if your defense was good, et cetera. So I get into high school and I'm looking to make new friends, right?

And there's some like seniors there. They're almost like the fucking Johnny Karate guy from Karate Kid, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like big. He's strong. He's big, he's strong, he's popular, he's athletic, he's everything that you wish was your friend. You want this guy to like you. He fucking hated me because

what I thought solid volleyball was was getting it to the other side. But at the high school level, it involved setting and spiking and stuff. So I was like, hit it back. And then the other team was just like oh rating down crushing our side and uh we played a low net because everybody was so short and we i mean i could i'm no super athlete but i could jump high enough to touch the rim on a 10 foot goal

whatever so that's that's high enough to spike the fuck out of a ball when the net's at like eight feet or something like that yeah i missed that so i don't think i'd be any good now i because because i'm just like i'm moderately taller than everyone else but i ain't got no jumps like i don't have any and one i'm not gonna be like flying through the air anymore like i picture the end of my volleyball session involving signing up for acl surgery like you know that's a sport and and dodgeballs there too when you're playing on like a basketball court like a hard surface like that you're moving super fast like high speed stuff like you can get hurt pretty easily it is it's mildly dangerous roller

hockey was like that i like i played a bunch of ice hockey and stuff and i just wanted to roller hockey was closer to me so i was like oh i had that and they had like a fourth team or something and uh it was super rough on my knees you know and i was really fit but it just wasn't for me yeah so if there was some way we could play dodgeball or a sport that i've just invented in my mind just now where everyone has those t-shirt cannons and we're shooting hold up yeah right uh and we're like shooting t-shirts at each other at like you know 100 miles an hour and like muzzle loading these things in the back or something like that i'd play that that'll be shirts have really derogatory things on it like you know douchebag or like cocksucker and if you get hit by the shirt you have to wear it until somebody until you hit somebody else with your shirt that's how we'll do our merch kickoff

wear it until somebody until you hit somebody else with your shirt that's how we'll do our merch kickoff t-shirt bag i want one of those t-shirt cannons i i i like anything that's like you know shoots things so like there's a it's a briefly there's a gun and fallout i don't know if you've gotten it yet or noticed it taylor but or your girlfriend has but it's like a junk cannon um and like you really you just fill it up with junk, like beakers, rocks, pieces of metal, scalpel, screwdriver, teddy bear, oven mitt, and then

it's like a gasoline engine when you're holding it. It's big. It's like... And you hold the trigger down, and it goes... And when you let it go, it shoots the junk at your enemies. And so you've got a never-ending supply of ammo because, you know, the wasteland's full of bullshit. And every time you hit reload, he just kind of reaches, opens the top of it up, and it goes to your inventory, and you just put more fucking shit in it. That'd be cool.

That sounds like fun. And it actually puts an incentive to be like, oh, maybe I do want this shard of glass. Yeah, right. You do. Sweet. There's dirty syringes here. Who knew? Yeah. In, right. You do. Sweet. There's dirty syringes here? Who knew? Yeah.

In the past. Prepare for death in 30 to 40 years once you've got some Magic Johnson abilities. In past games, there were a lot of junk that you might want to pick up

so you could craft something. Like in Fallout 3, there was some crafting. The shish kebab was a cool weapon. But for the most part, there was a lot of junk that you just would never pick up

because it's virtually worthless. It weighs a lot, and you can't do anything with it really other than sell it for two caps. But now you can break down all of those. Every piece of shit you pick up can be used as a component to build something or can be stripped down to its base components like plastic or glass or screws and then used as further weapon improvements or armor improvements and stuff like that. So I pick everything up now. Everything that I find, if it's a piece of glass or a crystal, you never know.

That could be the focusing mirror and some sort of night vision optic. And it is actually, I think. So I love the new Fallout. It's great. I have to tell Melissa to start picking up shit then for that gun. All the shit.

Dude, I'm looking at the, um, AMA questions from the Patreon guys. And, uh, we had used this doc once before, but didn't go through all the questions. So it was like a thing and I'm down near the bottom and it says,

am I an asshole for copying the link from painkiller already and interjecting my question into this document that I shouldn't have access to i fucking love it that's funny yeah i say a little bit but that's pretty inventive that guy watched the show saw the url copy pasted went to our doc and then edited his own question into it yes hilarious and and by saying it out loud you've opened us up to that to that uh that that uh... We need to finish this doc today. This doc is done. Do not join on this doc. Yeah. Fuck Kyle in one one block letter. I would say not an asshole because he didn't do anything destructive he just added a funny thing. Good job dude that's that's very inventive you are the only one out of

the you know 125 350 000 people or whatever that saw it that did it so good on you smart guy but now i don't know which ones of these to trust maybe that was his you know uh uh yeah red pairing of a question to make us think that that's the only one do we really remember? When someone cracks into your computer, you pretty much just throw everything out. You don't know if it's been rooted, if he's left some open door for him to come back when he wants.

You can't trust it anymore. That's kind of where this doc is, according to him. It kind of is. Good for him. Are there any more games that are coming out this year that are Star Wars I already have that pre-ordered that's going to be sweet

I think this is I think that us playing Battlefront might be more entertaining than us playing any other game I haven't played Battlefront I haven't played any Star Wars game ever, no. But I've watched a lot of the videos from the beta of Battlefront

that was a month or so ago, and I was in love with it. I love every aspect of how the gameplay works. I love that you've got Vader and Luke Skywalker that come in. I guess you get powered up or get enough kills points. Yeah, how do you become a hero? I think it's like a kill streak, basically. I think that you get enough things done, that you get like powered up or get enough kills points yeah how do you become a hero i think that i think it's like a kill streak basically i think that you get enough things done that you get enough

points accrued or something like that you get on a hot streak and you book you get to become darth vader and go on like a killing rampage for a limited amount of time all the darth vader clips look awesome when you get to play as him where people are shooting at you you're deflecting all the lasers back and you're not just it's not like a Call of Duty killstreak where it's like, ah, fuck, I just got three of them. Like, oh, darn, maybe my next Harrier will be good. Every clip is this guy. He's just like nine opponents.

He's just mowing through everyone. Vroom, vroom. My only worry is that it's going to be really hard to get that, and so I'm going to be getting shit on by Vader a lot more than getting shit on with Vader. On that map in particular, the ice planet Hoth, it seemed like it was really slated

towards the Empire, the invaders, winning because they've got those tat-tats or at-tats. Yeah, and so apparently without not only a large amount of communication and teamwork, you also had to be good, and the other team might even have to be a little bad for you to win as on defense and that to me was very interesting it was like well that

means every game you go in you're like all right guys we're fighting an uphill battle like we win about one out of three of these so but let's see what we can and so when you win one it's like yeah we fucking beat the empire we did it we fought them off like like against overwhelming odds literally i like that because it's it's always been balanced you know is it do you win just by Like, yeah, we fucking beat the Empire. We did it. We fought them off against overwhelming odds. Literally. I like that because it's always been balanced. Do you win just by knocking down one AT-AT? Yeah, I kill them both.

There's two? I think there's more to just getting those things. I think you've got to maybe shoot down some air support. But it's definitely killing those two things. And from what I saw, they're just almost impossible to to destroy without getting i saw somebody did it with the speeder thing like you know how you can like use the cable i think it has to be weakened before that can happen because like i don't know i read a lot and they were like this is just impossible it's so fucking hard it's i think it takes some skill on the stick to do that cable thing that is hard maybe they need to be weakened before that's

available as you know to do to them it seemed like they were running around turning on some defensive grid or something at some point, maybe. I'm just watching clips, montage clips almost, so I don't have a real firm understanding of the gameplay. But it looked like a ton of fun. Even just the guys running around with blasters and guns and stuff, that looked like a lot of fun. There was some trench warfare. I'm really excited about it. As I think about it, I've never played Battlefront either i'm like oh yeah no wait that was bad company no i've played no that was battlefield this is battlefront it's the same engine right

it's the same company it came out a long time ago the original battlefront does dice make this game rea or i don't know i know the original one i think i had it for like xbox original i think it's EA I'm super ignorant about about the games that I'm not you know I guess it goes without saying the ones I don't know anything about yeah by definition uh yeah pretty sure it's a real fun yeah I like the idea of the uphill battle that that's because I remember like the last thing I remember that there was anywhere like that is like cold 34 and maps like bog Where like if you get the bad spawn it's like alright guys. Let's flip this bomb

We're gonna run up the right side Sock you go up the left side and pop smoke and confuse and we're gonna flood the right side of the map completely flip the Spawn take their take their flag take B and put them in this shithole that we're coming out of right now before you know before 60 seconds elapses, and you know you had to or you I Mean we all know what the bad side was disaster if they got b and their home flag and kept you in the shit side like a helicopter could get you know 10 12 kills the highest scoring game i ever saw socrates do he got like i don't know 140 kills or something like that in a domination. And what we did was we did not capture our back flag. We just ran to B and captured B.

And they captured their home flag. So that meant that the ticker's ticking away even the whole game. We're tied up the whole game. We have B. They have their home flag. And just at the end, we cap our flag, which gives us the one like the one point advantage to win or whatever but if you think about it normally the domination i don't remember how many how many points you get per seconds played or whatever when a flag is captured maybe you guys know but

if you've only got one flag captured versus what normally one team always has two captured yeah it's like eight minutes long but we effectively double the time limit of the game to like 15 minutes of domination. And it is, it's literally 15 minutes of Dom. You know, ponestar.com? Yeah. Yeah. He's a, he live streams a lot and he's really, really good at COD. Super beast. Yeah. There's another guy, ponestar for hire. I don't know if he still plays COD, but this is ponestar.com. people get mixed up stronger player yeah and um anyway ponestar.com when he plays he'll like he'll lay it out and like i whether you're allowed to capture the home flag or not and you know i'm playing with him and i'm not on his level or

anything so i'm just following the rules trying to like keep up and not embarrass myself and they'll you know like all right all right time to capture the home flag because they just want to like have predictable spawns and stuff and he has it wired out for every map and that's a new game now but i'm sure he does already they win the race every year that's impressive um he's just so strong and he's got a support he's got a a group of support guys who are almost as good as he is seemingly and they're just a crushing machine that's only going to get slowed down when they run against actual pros

and then there's a pub stompers are better at pubs than pros are. The other thing about him like he'll get 100 point games almost all the time. Like more than half of his games he gets 100 kills. That's what I meant to say kill games. But if you look down the lobby someone else will have like 80 kills

and someone else will have 70 and another guy will have 60 and that's super impressive. I remember some guys, I don't want to name them because it sounds like I'd be trashed on them, but all five players or all eight players on their team would be required to support him.

These are the streaks you're allowed to run. I get the killy streaks, I get the killy streaks. You get the supporty streaks. I want you throwing flak jackets at me. I want you doing this. He's like Bukkake in these flak jackets as they're all throwing it on him. They would get big numbers,

but when PwnStar.com does it, he's not having that same experience. They're all playing under the same rules. If anything anything they're probably trying to beat him yeah i was i mean i i wasn't um doing anything that would you know hurt him you know like not capturing flags or capturing flags when i'm not supposed to or something but uh you know i was also trying to go as high it would have been really neat to me if I ever finished higher than him in the scoreboard which

never happened yeah I know what you're talking about there I like playing that style it was always nice to have friends who were really good I would play with Socrates in Black Ops 1 and I still remember he'd run UAV counter UAV Blackbird for me and his first

I remember one time we were playing on a snow map in Black Ops 1. I don't remember which one it is, but it was kind of like a square building facility, like there's a courtyard. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then there's this outside area. It's like Dish or something, or Array?

Not Array. It was a smaller map than Array, but it was snowy in Black Ops 1 one in any case I just remember the first seven kills of the game were Socrates and they were his blackbird and so the game starts out and I'm just like all right let me see if I get into this building blackbird overhead I'm like yeah I just got in the building and and he had went in the other building cleared him out so now they're spawning at my building and I got my blackbird up and I would get I would do very well as a result of his recon it's a mix that like sometimes when i played with

him i felt like i had a hard time getting the traffic i wanted you know because he'd be so aggressively up there he'd often have the best spot like like say high rise for example right there's one spot kind of in the middle that's getting the bulk of the traffic or maybe to the left and they're all pushed in the building trying to get out and i'm like well i can't stand next to him and share that spot like that's kind of breaking a politeness rule you can't go in there and get in front of him because that'd be flipping the spawn and taylor's an expert in that i like so you're just stuck with like you know the downstairs spawn or something and that sucks so and and he would live a long time so he would operate I remember in cold 84 like he would get on the trash pile or not

He actually didn't like to work the trash pile He pushed past the trash pile to the on the on the front of the bus Which is the left side and there's some trash cans there that there were bulletproof And he would get right there, and he would shoot into the the fruit market where they were spawning but every now and then they'd spawn behind the bus so he would just run behind the bus and machine gun them all and they would spawn back in the fruit market he'd take his spot back up behind the trash barrels and it was just a never-ending like he'd get he'd be an eight kill streak and then you know chopper and then a nine kill streak and then a chopper and just do you

ever talk to him no i haven't i got him on i think i got him on here somewhere what's he doing now if we play multiplayer later we should see if he'll come and pull us out of the shitty depths that we're currently it's untired of losing i've got yeah i have i have impulse and socrates on here actually i got I got my two buddies from like five years ago. So I played Borderlands. The first one was Socrates. And as the second one was coming out, he invited me. He's like, dude, are you getting the next Borderlands?

And I'm like, yeah. He's like, we should play together. I had so much fun with you when we played it the first time. And I'm like, Socrates had fun playing with me? With me? That's so great. It was cool. Yeah, I've always enjoyed playing with him.

He's just a really strong player and really laid back and chill about the whole thing. But then sometimes he'd get angry and he'd curse people out online. That was always fun too because if anybody could back it up, it was him. And it was always fun to see him get into a cursing match with some guy who thought he was good and was good. But Sock was legitimately pretty great. And just watch him just mop house with the whole team. And he's talking shit the whole time.

He's like, yeah, you like that? You like that? You like that? And it's just like, holy shit, the kill feed's feeding up with his M16 over there because they pissed him off enough to use one. When I was new, and I don't know how good this guy was. I wasn't even good enough to evaluate people.

But someone was like, whatever, getting their head shots for some shitty weapon like the M44 or something. And a player was like, he won free-for-all. He's like, you suck. I kick all your ass. Fuck your mom, et cetera. And he's like, what? You don't know me you don't know what you don't know how good i am he's like i'm gonna he changed weapons you know the

one that like what is like mp5 or something that he's better with and uh he just killed everyone everyone just murdered it you know until the the trash talker left the lobby and it was like oh the trash talker left the lobby. And it was like, oh, I think I know him now. I was legitimately good enough at Call of Duty 4 that I could do that. I would win almost every single free-for-all and virtually every cage match. I lost some cage matches, but I bet I could count them on two hands. I feel like I lost maybe...

I played so much cage match, and it would just be one after another. Like, come on, come on. And the best part would be, because I knew the maps so well, and I knew something that most players don't know, I knew how to play the maps 1v1. The big maps, like Countdown, I know where the spawn points are, motherfucker.

I'm waiting on you. Like, one guy would leave, he'd quit out. And I've only got two kills, because I got my first two kills quick. And so every time someone spawns in and I'm changing classes to keep the timer going to extend it indefinitely. So like, you know,

if there's only one player in the game, the timer starts ticking down and after 10 seconds it goes, you've achieved victory. Good job, Marine, or whatever. But no, I'll just keep like changing classes and that extends that timer, resets it over and over.

It's a trick I didn't know. Yeah, they would join in. They're going to spawn in that building right there and I'm waiting by the water truck just keep changing classes and that extends that timer, resets it over and over. That's a trick I didn't know. They would join in. They're going to spawn in that building right there and I'm waiting by the water truck. As soon as they come out of the building, two burst. He's dead. Spawns again. UAV. Same place. Yeah, oftentimes, yeah, there you go. And the UAV's up and they just got in the game.

And they would just quit, quit, quit, quit. I'd have to beat three or four people to win each cage match. That sounds not like fun at all. My heart would be beating. To me, it was about pissing them off and getting a reaction out of them that would piss me off and then still beating them. I really enjoyed that they would come in cocky

or they would come in wanting to do something silly. Everybody played COD 4 for two years. It was a two-year COD. There were a lot of guys who were cocky and thought they were good. And I feel like I wasn't as good as Socrates. Not even close. But I was better than 97% of everybody else or something like that.

I could really hold my own, especially in my specialized game modes like Search and Destroy. I was excellent at Search and Destroy and I was better than excellent at Cage Match. And I loved beating people who were admittedly better on the stick than me at those game modes because I just knew how to play them better. That was my favorite moments in gaming. Go back to some of the Search and Destroy games we played and the mine games that go into picking up the bomb and dropping it on defense and on offense. I loved if there's like four or five of them

and it's just me and I've got the bomb planted and I've got to defend it. I know how to throw the grenade up from the basement and back lot so it dink, dink, dink and blows up the bomb defuser but I stay hidden down in the basement. I could hear the difference

between walking on the stone and the metal and I'm just playing at a different level than they were because I cared so much about it. I miss that. I'd like to play some Search and Destroy in this game, but I need a team. We need some, what do wings call them? Like ringers?

What does he call them? We need some ringers. Dudes who fuck the prom queen. Dudes who fuck the prom queen. I need some dudes who fuck the prom queen with like some three kds who can shepherd me uh through these games because i'm just tired of getting shit on i had a guy i played with all the time who had a 5kd and it was a little illegit because he would occasionally back out of a game or you know like like whatever dashboard that's what it was called but um if he never dashboarded he'd probably have a four and a half KD.

And that's just really good. You know, yeah. It was cool winning every game. I enjoyed that. I also enjoyed being kind of protected from the trash talk, you know, because he'd just say don't leave. And that was nice. But it's sometimes nice to be the best guy in the lobby too like black ops 3 i played all by myself almost all year and uh i was usually the best guy in the

lobby i like that too i don't care i'm the worst person on my team in this game i just want to bring home a couple w's because right now is it that bad oh there's this kill street i'll be talking to kyle and like it goes both ways so don't take it wrong yeah i won't i'll be like three and seven and i'll be like oh man this is rough and kyle be like yeah not going too hot over here either and i'll check and he's like two and eleven and then the next game same thing except he'll be like i'm doing bad and i'll check and i'm five kills less than him with two more deaths it's just bad like we both had some really atrocious games that night at the end

I was like and I it it was there was a terrible game where we really got our shit pushed in and I was like well I'm gonna call it a night on that now there's this kill street woody where this big yeah the balls there's this big ship that comes in and it's got like four propellers that are facing upward so it's like a i think that they can go like a vertibird and follow i think they can face forward and fly like a plane maybe but i don't know but it hovers over the map and it it does at least two drops it does a drop and then changes position and does another drop and it might might even keep doing it, but I'm not sure because I usually try to shoot the fucker down. It takes four

or maybe even five missiles to take it down. Jesus. Dude, it drops these balls onto the map that are, I'm going to guess, about waist high tall. And they look like spiky balls that just roll around and chase anything. And when they get close enough, they fucking explode.

And there are a lot of them. Can you shoot the balls? Yes, you can shoot the balls. Your missile... Yeah, they take a few shots to detonate. One bullet doesn't do it. Missile launcher will actually lock onto them, and you get 50 XP per ball you shoot, so I'm always trying to rack up that way.

Every little bit helps. But when I see the balls coming, I'm like, oh god, let me get my quad fucking missile launcher on so I can try to kill this thing. Because I've got a perk that makes them glow red so you can see them through buildings and stuff. It's like the same perk that would show a mine or a claymore. Tactical it used to be called or something. Yeah, and so I can just see these fucking, they look like the Langoliers from that Stephen King movie, just rolling around everywhere. And you just see them just kill feed, lighten up with them.

It sounds like the gameplay is similar to what dogs were. Yeah, it is. But the thing is, that kill streak is like, I'm guessing here, just by their position. Let's call that a 12 kill streak, a 10 kill streak, maybe 14, I don't know. It seems pretty high along through there. But there's another kill streak that I don't even know what it does,

called the Mothership, that's the maxed out kill streak. And it seems like it's way down there. But there's another killstreak that I don't even know what it does called the Mothership that's the maxed out killstreak and it seems like it's way down there. It's like a 20 killstreak or something. I haven't unlocked it yet. I don't know what it does, but I'm curious. I'm always curious about the most powerful killstreaks. So far, what I've seen from that game is the killstreaks are effective

and pretty devastating and not a lot of people are running rocket launchers, it seems. But those balls in particular. That's what I've seen so far is the balls. and pretty devastating and not a lot of people are running rocket launchers it seems that those balls in particular that's what i've seen so far is the balls because we were when we first got it called on us before we knew what was going on as we were in the game like we like maybe like 40 to 32 so not doing well but we were in it and then the balls get called in minute and a half later it's like 67 to 34. God damn it.

I'm sure that – I'm sorry to cut you off. But at the conclusion of PKA, there's going to be like a couple – I don't know what to call – there's going to be a couple motherfuckers who are like, you need hand-holding? Because this is what I train for. There are a couple guys who are everything that you're asking for who are more than happy to play. You don't have to have a 3KD.

You have to be able to combine mine and Kyle's aggregate KD and then be able to have a 3. So I'm having an anchor tied to you. Or a 6KD. Yeah, a 6KD. It would be nice to have a couple of good players, maybe even a full team. I'd like to play with a full team, have a couple of good players, maybe even a full team. I'd like to play with a full team, have a full party,

and I don't need complete skull-crushing abilities, but just to keep things coordinated and have air support all the time, that would be nice. If we could win two for three, I'd be happy. Yeah, sure. Right now I feel like we're losing. It's 50-50 at best, and that's really reaching. We also play with Taylor's girlfriend,

and she's not acclimated to Call of Duty. She could go 1-10, and that wouldn't be shocking. Yeah, she doesn't play multiplayer. We need a guy who's been on the MLG main stage. Yeah, yeah. Give me somebody who does Adderall as a performance-enhancing drug on a daily basis. Give me one of those guys. Let's call Onslaught out of retirement.

He can help a bit. I like Onslaught as a guy. I talked to him about six, nine months ago or something. He was on the show. Yeah, he was on the show four months ago or something. Yeah. He's a great guy. I remember when I met

him, it was because I was doing Game Battles tryouts. He stood out in particular because of his leadership. There were some guys like Preyas who stood out because their KDs were outrageous every game. P. Reyes. P. Reyes. I have that. Yeah.

He was a dirty thief in the end. I don't like that guy. He stole from me. Yep. You sent him a capture card or something? That's exactly what it was. I could have just sent it, I guess. But he really wanted to make videos, and he was really good at Call of Duty.

So I'm like, cool, I have an idea. I'll send you the, I think it was a pause or something like that, or capture card. I don't know what it was. But I sent him a HD capture card. And I was like, hey, you know, when you make like whatever, 50 bucks or something, you send that to me. And then all the rest of this is yours. You know, I launch your channel.

This is like a loan or something. You just pay me back what it cost me or less than it cost me to get you this. And now you have it forever and you're all set. And I paid it forward sort of. And now you have it forever and you're all set. And I paid it forward sort of. And what he did instead is he lent it to someone else almost right away, never made a channel.

He got it back and then I think he sold it. And I'm just like, oh, well, you robbed me. Yeah, it's kind of a scumbaggy thing. I had a bunch of those for whatever reason. And I sent them to a few people. I sent Socrates one. I sent my friend Wine one. Everybody always was wanting to make videos.

And I had a bunch of them. So I would send them out to people. I liked to see... Because they would talk shit sometimes. They'd be like, oh, I could do that. I was like, well, let's see it, motherfucker. Let's see your videos. Let's see how good yours are. I remember my one friend would always make fun of my YouTube channel. channel she's like talk to me when you got more subs than hutch

and so when i finally like like surpassed hutch and had like three or four times what he had i was like what now what now he's like all right well talk to me when you got more than ray william johnson yeah i remember when my daughter was young she's still young but like when she was 12 or something she liked a YouTuber a lot and you know I forget who it was but she's like well you're not as big as X and X and X

and I'm like I'm bigger both in views and subs like in every measurable way I am recognize who you're talking to here, 12-year-old daughter. Don't hear room until you recognize how dominant I am on this online media. I've had that before. I've been talking to guys.

We were at our booth at a gun show one time. The guy was like, you ever see so-and-so videos? And I was like, yeah. Yeah, I think anyway. He's like, he's got to be like the number one guy, right? And I was like, I would say like number 37 or something like that you know he's got 114 000 subscribers like like if you're doing gun content yeah my brother did a similar thing there was a gun guy actually and uh he didn't mean to put me down my brother i like my brother but he said it like you know

oh this guy's really good that guy's's such an asshole, by the way. I know the guy you're talking about. He's such a douche. Yes. Most of the gun guys out there are really cool guys. Like 22 Plinkster, Richard Ryan. Iraq veteran. I could go on and on.

Hickok. All those guys. Really cool people to talk to in real life. But there's a few of them who are just like weird. This particular guy he to say he comes off as a know-it-all doesn't fully explain it it's like not only does he know it all but you're all dumb um i i don't know my my thing is like i've heard of things he said not just about me but about just people in general and like his general attitude about the whole thing and like

um like i i'll go to like these meetups that we do every now and then we did one in vegas last but about just people in general and his general attitude about the whole thing. I'll go to these meetups that we do every now and then. We did one in Vegas, last shot show, where all the gun guys were there or whatever. But this guy's not. He's not there. I mean, guys who are the older, like Hickok was there, if I remember correctly. I know Jerry Mikulek was the championship shooter guy. He's really cool. All those people, really fun people to talk to. Really respectful. Funny. Grown up dudes

for the most part. Hickok seems like a good man. Yeah. I like him. Him and his son work together on the channel. I think his son's a big integral part of what he does there. But all those guys. Really stand up. Cool guys. Been very nice to me when I've met them in person.

That one guy is just a jerk. Is the is the stolen valor guy supposed to be cool um well he does a I have no idea you have no idea that he's not a that that's that's all he does is like expose navy seals on youtube I think no no no I'm talking about the guy who did stolen valor oh well I I think stolen valor is exact i don't know the exact thing about that yeah he's a nice guy um is that a guy's name no no i forget his name and if i knew that i probably wouldn't want to say it but i think that he talked about like time in iraq when he actually i think what he actually did is get into boot camp but not finish it yeah i i he made a video explaining it i i don't know

anything and i certainly wouldn't want to accuse somebody of something i i've hung out with him probably three or four times uh we went hog hunting together um i you know hung out with his girlfriend and seemed like a real nice guy to me yeah i like that guy as far as a guy um and i like what they do over there on their channel and everything but i don't know anything about that stolen valor sill silliness. He was accused of saying that he was doing that thing and that he explained it in a way, and I want to just take his word for it and be like,

oh, maybe it was just a big misunderstanding. Because it seems like if you're in the public eye like that, you wouldn't make a claim that could be easily, let's say that you did something overseas when there's military records and such. And that's just... There are a lot of people who are very excited about exposing anyone who's doing well and uh you know that exposing isn't even always on target

so you might have been off target in the first place i honestly i don't know one way or another but my all my interactions with him were real nice guy down to earth you know just like shooting um and uh that's that's it very few i i rarely run into guys who are just scumbags but there's a few out there who are just really not nice people and and that or they're just odd you know like just because you just because they're popular or famous or not popular and uh among like a a few hundred thousand people on the internet doesn't mean that they're popular or famous or not popular among a few hundred thousand people on the internet doesn't mean that they're actually good at being social in real life and that's showing whenever you get

into a phone conversation or an email conversation or meet them in real life and it's like, oh, you're one of those weird motherfuckers that I wouldn't even want to associate in real life. That's you. That's the category that one guy falls into. He's like a creepy old guy in the back of an Army-Navy store who's going to drop some racial slur when no one's looking or something.

They see him in Vietnam combat boots, good for stomping faggots. Like the Army-Navy guy in Falling Down. That's who he reminds me of. I don't even think I'd know who you were talking about if you told me his name. Yeah, it doesn't matter. I don't think you would'd know who you were talking about if you told me his name. Yeah, it doesn't matter. I don't think you would. I'm not trying to hint at it. The only people I watch are you and Hickok. Yeah.

I like Hickok. I like Demolition Ranch too. I haven't seen his stuff in a while but he is what I think Teenage Kyle was like. He's like, hey, in this video I'm going to disassemble a shotgun shell and throw it out of a pickup truck

and get the thing to go. I think he rigged up.22s in such a way that when he threw them, they'd land on the primer. I guess he just put a weight on it or something. That was kind of neat. He's throwing them out like, I think they're called snap-its,

that little snap-it. Yeah, little fireworks that little snap-it. But he's doing it with ammunition because he'd just weight it, and it would land on the rock, and it would just hit the striker. A primer? Help me, Kyle. The primer. It'd be called a centerfire.

Well, I don't know. It's rimfire. It doesn't really have rimfire, but it's technically a primer back there. In any case, I like him. It's not, but it's technically a primer back there. In any case, I like him. It's not, but it's neat. I think Richard Ryan's my favorite because I know what's going into those productions, and his productions

are super high effort. This video that's going up this weekend, fingers crossed, it should be. I think last I heard, the editor's just adding some graphics to the end slate, so it's done. It should go up Saturday. If you're listening to this, it's probably up now or tomorrow. On FPS Russia. Yeah.

But that was a collaboration with me and him. And he's just so funny. There's a few parts where we're cracking jokes and stuff. And every step of the way, he's good for a joke or to say a thing in a funny way. He's an actor. We should get him on the show again. People really liked him yeah i think he said he'd do it anytime um i hung out with him that whole week out in texas and made that video with him got his slow mo cameras out there and got him in the video and the way he's doing stuff we were talking about like

how much it costs to do a production and everything and obviously that one was very expensive to do but like he was like dude i'm just doing stuff like cut and dry baby like lots of cell phone videos he had like 25 or 30 cell phones like bunches of iphones bunches of uh samsung phones uh or android phones in his car that he he bought some of them new gotten some off craigslist and he's just destroying them in a variety of ways he had his hoverboard there and is that recent because he did a series like that a year ago he's always doing that that's a that's a big i think he has a channel that's just him destroying like consumer electronics he had like six different ways to destroy iphone sixes when these were they were like hot off the presses he stands in line pays

full retail and then goes and destroys them in fun ways it's neat to get enough views that that makes sense like you might say like oh he makes better videos than some smaller guy but you know he's he's getting two million views on it some smaller guy would have gotten 20 000 views on it and really lost his shirt on that video i don't know i don't know what of what we did he's uploaded because he made several little videos but one of them was him on a hoverboard going through the house we destroyed with a 300 blackout saw like an M249 saw that's chambered in 300 blackout cartridges instead of 223 or 556. I knew what you meant.

And he's just rolling through there and he's just like with the big fucking heavy machine gun and he's shooting it on the hoverboard like no problem that was really cool and then of course we shot the hoverboard with a 50 cal machine gun as you do yeah yeah and we were he and i were talking about the whole thing where like you know the comments would be like you could have give that to me and i was like you know with that hoverboard though you could have gave that to me i like, I want a hoverboard. Do you know what? I want a boosted board. Have you seen those?

Uh-uh. It's like a skateboard, like a longboard skateboard. Oh, I have seen those. And it goes fast. It goes like 20 miles an hour. And Casey Neistat uses one. I saw him. That's where I saw it, yeah.

One, if I had one, one the like me liking his videos and emulating it to some extent would be complete and they would just give me untold amounts of shit and two i have no reason for one like if you live in new york all those last mile solutions make a ton of sense right like driving a car in new york is often not the best idea bicycle hoverboard you know you're a traffic ninja on those things whenever he shot the hoverboard i was watching him shoot the hoverboard he's setting it up and aiming the machine gun and we were kind of you know being quiet because it's a film set and he's got a lot of cameras to trigger and and there's a whole thing to it but i was like you know i bet that's got some of those batteries that'll fucking explode when you know something hits them and got some of those batteries that'll fucking explode

when you know something hits them and they get mushed together in a certain way and sure enough like after he shoots at the things like start smoking a little it's like and like shit starts jumping off of it and flames and stuff it was pretty cool it's fun to watch him do that um he shot a few things there the other thing about me and the boosted board it just makes no sense I live in it wouldn't make much sense for you either. Like you don't need to go places that are half a mile from you. A hoverboard wouldn't either. Like I'd just be riding it around my house.

It looked very cool though. You know, you just kind of, it's like a Segway, but without the, but just for your feet, you know. Hoverboard might make sense for getting around my house. Yeah, maybe. What was that, Taylor? Some of those, they have new segways where it doesn't have the top bars. It's just, it's like a skateboard,

but you stand facing forward. That's what I'm talking about. That's a hoverboard. That's what they call those. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought that was an actual segway brand thing. Well, they're colloquially known as a hoverboard. I don't know what the brand

or if there are different brands or whatever. I saw some chick at the airport with one and she was riding her pink one and dragging the luggage holding the roller bag behind her and it was like, yes! For the airport, it doesn't get any better. She's just doing everything she needs to do.

Had her phone in one hand dragging a roller bag with the other and she was pulling it off so well. Yeah, why not just roll out the red carpet for her diabetes. Just make it even easier i don't know that she was fit hoverboard probably is some sort of exercise it's like saying a motocross bike is no exercise no it kind of is i don't know i didn't even ride richards before we destroyed it i meant to but i forgot but um in any case i really enjoyed working with Richard. I've done a few little things with him. I've got to say,

he's genuinely the nicest person I've met on YouTube. When he first started contacting me five years ago, wanting to work together, I was like, no, stay away from that guy. I don't know what his deal is. He's being way too nice. He's being way too nice. I was like, there aren't people

that nice. He's fake. This guy is being fake, and he's trying to get in close with us, and he's trying to, nice I was like there's no there aren't people that nice he's fake this guy is being fake and he's trying to get in close with us and he's trying to like I don't know take advantage of me somehow or make money off me somehow or something and for years I felt that way and I even ran into him at a party out in LA and I was like I don't know about you you're just so god damn

nice why are you offering me all these contacts and want to introduce me to Philip DeFranco who the fuck are you you nice piece of shit but then as the years wore on i was like is richard ryan just a real nice guy everybody's like yeah right like he's he's too nice almost it's suspicious and i'm like i know he's too nice but he really is he's so nice that it's almost suspicious but like um i've had him come down long con he was in tennessee i needed to do some filming and he was in tennessee and i was like hey could you come down here and help me do this thing i can't get slow-mo it's it's gonna

it's gonna cost me an arm and a leg like it's gonna cost me like ten thousand dollars to get the camera work that you could provide and and and could you come do this thing with me and i offered nothing in return, no promotion whatsoever, anything like that, and he drove from Tennessee down to where I am, which is like three hours, spent two days with me with his half million dollars of cameras and his full, and gave me all of his time, and at the end of the videos, whenever I was like, oh, and go check out Richard Ryan at his channel,

Full Mag, you know, he was like, afterwards he was like, oh, you didn't have to do that. I didn't think you were going to do that or anything. I just wanted to help. And I'm just like, stop being so goddamn nice or you'll never get ahead in life. Stop it. He seems to be ahead.

He is, yeah. He's doing just fine for himself. But I really like Richard. He's just genuinely so goddamn nice that it comes off as suspicious when you first meet him. But I got to say, like... That's what Sage Dorthcutt is like, the UFC fighter who's had one fight. Yeah.

If I could count the number of people who say that about me... Zero. Not even once. If I had a nickel. If I could count the people who say I'm a pedophile, money scamming, money whoring, something else. Manipulator. You'd have enough to rent a kid for a day. Kids are expensive.

I don't know if you've ever rented one. $1,400 an hour. Yeah. Jeez. Depends if they've been rented before. Yeah. Too old. You don't want too much mileage on there.

No. They're hardly even kids anymore they're docs you know they know the score they should be innocent and confused I'm ready for one of my shows to kick back on because right now I'm watching South Park because the new episodes are coming out I strongly recommend you get Hulu so you can stay up to date

on that thing this season of South Park really it's been it's one overarching story arc there with little funny tidbits along the way but the main focus is political correctness and just poking fun at it and turning it on its head and and and really hitting up societal issues that are single theme driven than any season before where they're like it's just all on the same theme yeah so the principal has been replaced and they did it in the first episode.

They replaced the principal with PC Principal, and he's still the principal, and we're like six episodes in or something like that, and there's only ten for this season, and now it's been, like I said, revealed that there's an overarching secret going on that's just been revealed, and you're like, oh.

So this goes back to almost virtually every episode we've seen. There's been a clue to this, but now we're starting to realize that something's going on. This last one was, if anyone who's seen it, I almost cried a little when I saw that there's a situation with a dog, and I felt so sorry for the character and his dog. The last episode

was wonderful. I liked it a lot. Oh, I didn't know that there was one after the Tweek and Craig being gay together one. Brand new. Came out yesterday. It came out last night. We talked before the show about Al Irizarry's thing. It's called Master of None.

Oh. Aziz Ansari. That's not what I said. I thought you were trying to talk about a new story from Al Jazeera. Me too. I would have gotten Al Jazeera right. No. Say his name slowly for me.

Aziz Ansari. That's not even that hard. Aziz Ansari. Yeah. All right. So have you guys seen Master of None? I watched one episode, the first episode.

It's the first three or four, I think. Pretty good, I think. That's his father, you know. Yeah, and his mom.

I think it's like the fifth episode or something. It's called Parents. And it focuses on the parents almost exclusively. So what I took from the first episode, and I feel bad for even talking about what I think about the show after only seeing one episode. I feel like you need to see at least two or three episodes before making a judgment on a show.

But the things that struck me was there were funny moments, but it reminded me a little bit of Louis C.K.'s one of his shows and how it's like hyper-realistic at times and it feels like it's more like a documentary. Like you're just watching him go about a day. That is a bit comical, but it's so rooted in real life

that it's almost like, it's always sunny in Philadelphia, it's a bizarro world, right? Where everything's kooky and funny and silly and the characters all have these massive character flaws and they're literally like sociopaths but here it's like okay that this seems like what Aziz Ansari's life is like if you combine like a lot of the interesting events and combine them into one day and I don't I like that it started out with a condom breaking and he's like, well, you know, there could be some pre-cum in there. Like one of the, there could be some sperm in

there. And she's like, I don't know about that. And they Google it together. They literally Google it on their phone. Like they were having sex 90 seconds earlier. There's a little conversation that ensues and then they're just Googling on their phones. And then they go get plan B. They go get the plan B and she takes the pill or whatever and he's like, oh no, this is on me. I thought all that, it seems so a bit dark, but I was like, oh, this is going to be interesting. I don't know, I watched the whole thing.

I liked it and there were certain parts of it that I thought were pretty funny. I liked that he had to escort the little girl to the bathroom and there was the whole conversation. He's like, I don't have to do anything she's like no no i just need you here because i'm scared you know he's like all right all right then and then later on she's like he took me to the bathroom and told me not to tell anyone i'm like ah yeah that's good i like that but it wasn't laugh out loud funny i'm gonna give it another chance because i like a couple in the first three maybe three and a half episodes that i

watched there were a handful of laugh out loud like not like hysterically like oh like a belly laugh but you know a couple like titters here and there exactly yeah it's funny i feel like taylor doesn't like most comedians I like Anthony Jeselnik Anthony Jeselnik is very very funny did you like his special because I thought that was fucking two thumbs up that ranks up there almost with some of the Bill Burr stuff it's definitely

better than Bill Burr's last special the black and white one well they're so different in style Jeselnik has that really really flat, that monotone thing. Very deadpan and lots of dead baby jokes and stuff like that. And I like how he'll be like, oh, we're just getting started. We're just getting started.

That's what I open with. I open with the dead baby. It's all downhill from here. We're just getting to it. He grades the audience a lot, right? Like if they don't like a joke, I saw it. I like his style. I like the mean swarthiness of it where you're just being over the top crude and gauging people's responses.

I like the confidence in it. Like they would decide a joke was too far and he's like, oh, no, no. We're going farther you know like it was just kind of a like you as an audience you might not be suited for this the show is great i'm confident in that but you might not be good enough for it and and like that's not a quote but it's another it's like a he lays that out there yeah yeah getting back to like you saying i'm like i don't like most comedians i i mean i'd say that's true i'd say most people don't like most comedians, I mean, I'd say that's true. I'd say most people don't like most comedians

because there's so many out there and so many are shitty. It's just with the TV show thing, so many comedians are having TV shows now. I would say that a top comedian... I liked the first couple episodes of Louie when I first saw it, and I liked the first episode of Aziz's show when I saw it, maybe the first couple, but I feel like both of those shows are similar in the fact that they go quickly from trying to make you laugh to just a really

ham-handed approach at like oh and this is how the world works and here's like a way too real of a depiction of this it's just like i don't know they're trying too hard to get a message across at the expense of humor who's the austral comedian who has that really funny... Jim Jeffries. Did you watch Jim Jeffries' show? Yeah, that was funny. That's funny. And the first season is very good. The second season is pretty damn good. He's got that

really, really skinny guy who... The paralyzed guy? Yeah, who plays his paralyzed friend who's like... I think he's paralyzed. Maybe his hands work. No, his hands don't work. I think he's just a quadriplegic, and they make that hysterical. There's a time when the quadriplegic guy gets an online girlfriend,

and she wants to see his dick. And so Jim pans the camera down, and Jim whips out the guy's dick to show it to her. And he's got a monster dick, right? Like it's huge. And he's like, jerk it off or whatever. And he's just like. But when that's exposed, they're like, you jerked your quadriplegic friend off so he could make a connection online?

You're the greatest friend ever. And then there's a super touching moment where the girl is like she pulls her camera back and i think she's like she doesn't have any legs or something like that or she's got an issue too and there's and i'm like and what is this on fx maybe yeah i think it's fx it sounds like the playboy channel or something like there's some i guess they don't show it directly or something no no no it's all like simulate yeah it's you know and these are like the raciest of the moments I mean there is that one time where

Jim sleeps with a married woman and then I think he's got to like put her in some luggage and wheel it out to his car because the paparazzi is outside and he's literally got a woman in a bag in the trunk of his car and then he gets pulled over in Master of None there's a in master of none there's a scene that rivals that i i guess i'll spoil it for you because it's fun but

he meets this woman she's married and uh she's like great in a lot of ways he totally loves her and everything then he finds out she's married and he's like no i'm not gonna do that you know like you're in a marriage. I'm out. And she's so confident. She's like, here's my, I'm going to put my number in your phone. And when you change your mind, because you will, you call me. And he's like, you are confident. Anyway, he meets the husband.

And the husband was like a total douchebag. They're at an ice cream store. He takes the last like King Kong sundae or something. And he's like, you butt in front of me. He like fuck off you know i'm busy he gets this sunday takes one bite doesn't like it throws it away and now and now there's there is you can see it go on his head i'ma fuck your wife and uh it was is fun a little revenge story scenes in the show it's just like i don't know when i watch a show that a comedian's doing, it's like the precedent has been set.

It's like, alright, this is a funny guy. They're going to make me laugh really hard. And so Jim Jeffries hit that on the head with his show. I was laughing every episode. Louis C.K. will do a stand-up. I don't know what to call it. The hour-long, like, you know, special. Thank you.

He'll do a special and kill it. Then he'll do another special and kill it, right? And Taylor's like, nope, he's fallen off, gone to shit. Then he's done now. And I'm like, yeah, that guy's better than, you know, 90% of comedians, but because he's not better than himself two years ago you know he set a really high bar for himself and so now just like if bill burr's next special

sucks ass people are going to be like wow this isn't nearly as good as you people are all the same or uh his 2008 special or anything like that like he set the bar too high so it's not that it's bad quality it's just that you go into it expecting, like, man, that one five years ago was great. The one three years ago was excellent. What's this going to be? I feel like there aren't too many comedians who have that longevity.

I feel like George Carlin was always funny. George Carlin stuff always was great. But then, I mean, I look at somebody like Eddie Murphy, who I consider to be one of the greatest stand-ups ever. Chris Rock, too. I guess I mention him because they're both black. But Chris Rock's had two specials. Richard Pryor.

Was Richard Pryor good? Bill Cosby. You like Bill Cosby? I didn't really like Bill Cosby's stand-up. I liked Richard Pryor's stand-up quite a bit. I thought it was pretty fucking good. But I think that Eddie Murphy is probably one of the best there's ever been. But I've only seen like one of his

specials that I thought was his best one and that one feels like to me like I feel like Bill Burr's got like three that are like gold like his there's maybe four I've seen four I think but his first three were just golden every one of them I've sat

and watched them with like lots of different people I've seen them each two or three times and they're still hysterical when he's talking about the dog he's doing the dog's voice and describing how the dog's all hyped up and you know he's got great delivery his eyes are all like he looks like me and you're just like he's selling it so well talking about the dog and the girlfriend and how the girlfriend's like, yeah, he's a pit bull mix. Mix was what? Another fucking pit bull? He's a killer. He's a killer. I feel like a lot of Bill Burr's stuff, I'm sorry, I thought you were going to say that, wrapped around kind of women hating for lack of, I wish I had a softer term around that,

but he was like women arguing, women being crazy, like a lot of that. And then he got married or something and changed his routine, and he's had a hard time rivaling the women hanging stuff. He still does a lot of the relationship stuff in his material. You know, I hope him the best in his life. I hope he and Nia, his wife, are happy and do very well. I don't. But imagine the slew of material that's going to come if they do get divorced and all of his predictions for the years came true let me tell you what i was really

thinking last year yeah that would open up a whole new era for him but same time she took the dog you know it'd be great now like i'm sure like sure I would love to see the material if that woman left him and took the dog He'd be talking about like visiting the dog and have a dog looks at him out the window Like he could have so much fun with that yeah, he needs something bad to happen to him to make some good comedy I I Louis CK. I could write one He's never made me laugh once I've watched like I keep watching his specials because I want to be part of this team that thinks he's hilarious. Because everybody's a member, it seems like, but me. And I don't want to be some hipster douchebag who's like, Louis C.K., so mainstream.

No, that's not me. I'm up for these mainstream anything. I think it's fine by me. His 2008 special is really funny. I watched it. I didn't like it. I didn't like it. And I watched the first 20 minutes of one, didn't like it and i watched the first like 20 minutes of one

didn't crack a smile i watched the first 30 minutes of one didn't crack a smile and then i watched the whole hour of one of them and like laughed maybe twice or something like that and i was like i don't like you i feel like his most recent one i only started to appreciate it in hindsight you know that but maybe routine and um yeah that's not what you want in a comedy show. You want just visceral laughing because you're finding it so funny that you can't hold it in. You don't want to be like, you know what?

What a poignant observation. Carlin had that. Did you see Colin Quinn's? Colin Quinn has that. Did you see Colin Quinn's thing where he goes through history with all the visual? He's got a big screen behind him and he's going through history giving you a comedic history lesson. Me and Chiz watched that and that's

better than anything Louis C.K. has ever done. Fucking Colin Quinn nails it. Colin Quinn's on the Opie and Anthony show a lot. He's really funny. You know what's interesting to me? I feel like a lot of comedians who are wildly successful in other areas still value their comedy a ton.

Seinfeld, right? Seinfeld doesn't need fame. He doesn't need money. He doesn't need anything. He lives his life for himself. But I still feel like how he's viewed as a stand-up comedian is a big part of his identity. Joe Rogan, right? To me, Joe Rogan's the UFC guy. He's a black belt in Brazilian jiu-jitsu. He's a talented stand-up fighter. He's the UFC commentator that is the gold standard, the number one. There is no better. He has a really successful podcast,

but he seems like a big part of his identity and self-worth is how good his stand-up is, which I'm told he's killing it lately. I haven't seen any kind of stuff. I know you don't care for it as much, but I love his thing about the monkey stuff left over in our brains when we're climbing mountains and stuff.

I love his thing about the can of bug spray. He's like, I have a can of poison with your face on it, and I'll spray it until it is light. I like all that. I watched his special and really enjoyed it. To me, I like a lot of the stuff he's done. I like the show he's been in, Fear Factor.

This thing was called News Radio. His UFC stuff is great. Like everything he does, I really like. I like his podcast. To me, historically, his stand-up is the thing I like the least. But I'm totally killing it, so there's more to see. Have you ever seen him handle hecklers? I'm so unimpressed with that. I am so

unimpressed with almost everyone who handles hecklers, except for that one skinny British brown-haired guy. That's hard. You have to think on your feet the whole time. Bullshit. Oftentimes... There's two things. I know what you're going to say. They have pre-programmed responses for just about

any insult. That's only half of it gone. But I've seen them play off of what they're saying specifically, like things that only had to do with what the guy was doing right here and now, and just pick that guy apart. There was one where like... Jim Carr does that well. I think that's the guy's name. Somebody was making fun of what the comet was wearing or something.

He turned his whole... He's like, it's a fashion show that he just kept like... Rogan did that. Oh, God, that sucked. He's his whole, he's like, it's a fashion show? He just kept like... Rogan did that. Oh, God, that sucked. He's like, this shirt is stupid, but I bought this shirt knowing it was stupid. You, on the other hand, thought that shirt was nice. No, that's not what I was thinking. I have seen what you're talking about

and maybe that wasn't so strong, but I like when they handle hecklers. Because they're on stage, everything they say comes with a huge advantage. I do it on WoodyCraft.net, actually. So someone will be like, Woody, you suck dick or something like that. And I was like, I thought we agreed.

You love that. And everyone wrecked, oh my god, destroyed, et cetera, et cetera. Like I didn't really beat them that bad. But everyone's on my side because this is my home court that's the power dynamic the perfect that and and i could go on with the half funny repeated bullshit that i say on my server but the power dynamic is so flipped you know like all i have to say is send pics or something and everyone's agreeing that I destroyed this guy verbally when in my personal scorecard

it was pretty close. And all these, you know, look at this guy destroy this heckler. Yeah, according to the crowd he destroyed the heckler, but the crowd had handed out that win before it even started. I like Rogan better than Louis C.K. I prefer

I would rather go to it. I would rather go watch Rogan better than Louis C.K. I prefer, I would rather go to, I would rather go watch Rogan do stand-up, especially if he's doing a special, like, recording or something. I'd rather go to Joe's than Louis C.K.'s. I feel like, I feel like Louis has a preamble at the beginning where he's like, hey, I'm that real famous comic guy, I'm gonna be funny tonight, you guys ready for that? Cause, you know,

we all know who I am, right? Like, there's this whole thing where, like, he's aware of his star status and that he's expected to be funny, and like don't want all that I want you to be funny not tell me you're funny and he just he just he doesn't do it for me for whatever reason it's just maybe it's a personal thing but my favorite comic I really love Bill Burr I guess that's not an unpopular opinion all those classic guys Jesselnik I really like I like Amy Schumer though I feel like that's an unpopular opinion that you're not even supposed to tell people. She has a joke. She said that I used to date Mexican guys but now I prefer consensual

sex. Yeah. I like a lot. There was one about how like the guy was talking about like anal or something and suggesting it and like she was talking about like he did and suggesting it. She was talking about he did some tiny thing. He's like, well, maybe you want to do something to my butt. He's like, what? Rub it? Touch it?

And the punchline is she's like, and then I fisted him in the ass. Just turned it around on him completely. I like her stuff. It's really dirty and sexual sometimes, but like I. All the time. What I i appreciate all about sex when only topic when the words are funny i get a big i really value a comedian right like um like chris rock a lot of the stuff chris rock says you know when your friend retells the joke it's still funny there are some guys who just tell a joke so well that the joke wasn't actually

funny. It was just a good experience. Bill Burr, he says funny stuff too. Like there was one thing he's like, he's learning to argue with his wife and he's like, I figured out her thing and we're turning this ship around. And then it was really funny. But the way he says it multiplies how funny it actually was. He's got that that gift he's going red face and he's up there whooping that mic here at us you know yeah i like his delivery and his cadence made it so much funnier than if you were to go up there and say like oh an escalator can't break it can only become stairs like still true but it's not funny because it's not him saying it with his sunglasses and his weird cadence like i like uh dimitri martin's first funny because it's not him saying it with his sunglasses and his weird cadence.

I like Dimitri Martin's first special. He's kind of a prop comic, I guess. He's got a lot of props going on. It's called Dimitri Martin Person. That's the name of his first one, I think. I like his not to crack up at just because I'm interested in everything he's going to do next. Yeah, and there's some thinking involved. I'm like, oh, a little funny wordplay here very smart very smart can you he draws things and he's ambidextrous

and so like he'll draw a picture with both hands at the same time cool he plays instruments during the thing he does I know he definitely plays the good I think he does that thing where like he's playing the guitar and like he puts on the mic that that harmonica like like puts his head into thing where he's playing the guitar and he puts on the mic that harmonica. He puts his head into it as he's playing the guitar and maybe doing a third instrument. And he's doing comedy songs

at points, but he won't get into a whole three minute song. What's his name again? Dimitri Martin. I think he spells it D-E-M not D-M. This sounds like someone I'd like to check out. He's a young guy. He's got kind of an interesting look,

like really plain, nerdy kind of look. Very intelligent. You know who I don't like that everybody else does like? Bo Burnham. I agree with you there. I don't like him very much. I think of the sing-songy comics, Demetri Martin's way funnier.

Who's the guy who does all the food stuff the really he had the beyond the pale jim gaffigan he was on stern recently i like jim gaffigan a lot i love all of his food comedy i like that he's uh you know he's a really clean comic and he was talking to stern about that he's like yeah just he's like i got nothing against dirty comics he's that's just not me he's like i'm beat i'm just being me i don't i don't you know curse like that in my day-to-day life and he was talking about his hate for shellfish and all this shit but i love we he's talking about subway and how like bullshit subway is and how there's that like at the bottom of the tuna thing there's there's that that liquid he's

like oh a nice tuna gazpacho um i like him a lot uh i think he's got he's got a new tv show himself um on tv land it's a second tv show uh he said he was talking about why his first one failed or whatever and he was like he was like they were writing he's like my character is called jim gaffigan in the tv show but i don't get to write a word that i say he's like that just wasn't conducive to a good show but he got a deal with TV Land where he and his wife have full control over everything.

So now he's writing, producing, making the show himself. So I don't have TV Land, but I'll find some way to watch it. You know who else is good is also pretty clean.

It's Brian Regan. I've seen him live. I thought it was Regan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I've seen a lot of, I've seen his special and I've listened to him a lot on Comedy Central Radio or one of those.

There's like three comedy channels on Sirius XM. He's hysterical. I think he would be up Woody's alley. Yeah, I love, it's one of my favorite things to do is watch a good comedy special that can bring me to tears, make me laugh hard the way that like Bill Burr, Chris Rock. I was listening to a conversation amongst comedians and they were

talking about who's funny and i think that defined a lot of why i think certain people are funny and it's like if the material's not good right if they're heck it's one of my criticisms of seinfeld that no one agrees with but me that uh like the lines aren't that good it's a show about nothing you know they can say like george costanza will be whatever like i'm frustrated this is boring and but no he doesn't deliver it like i just did he's you know like he explodes and he turns it into something great whereas if you had regular people reading the lines there'd be nothing to it um what if the screenplay has exclamation points in it and the director says no more more the way that jerry

played with ellen the way that you know like costanza played with everyone the way that michael richards would bust through the door and whatever like that stuff was actors turning something normal into something big and we will agree to disagree okay so when i look at what comedians do a lot of times i'm like you know is like is what he's saying funny or is he just saying it funny because i want both yeah equally valuable for the verb no it's more valuable to have something funny to say than rely solely on the voice. I'm not sure. I have a hard time picking.

You could rely solely on the voice and go forever because you don't even need worked material. You know, like Bill Burr's podcast, the one where he just goes by himself. A lot of that is just entertaining because of the way he tells the story. I watched him talk about the first UFC event he went to. Oh, my God, he loved Michael Buffer. God, I hope I got his name right. The announcer guy, he loved the experience, the fight, this and that, and he's talking about it, and I'm so engaged.

But if I retold that story, people would be looking at their watches. It was all his delivery. That's true. Not that he has no good material when he does a stand but like in his when he just goes off you know one man show or whatever a lot of it's just his delivery i liked uh i like dana carvey back in the day um i like his impressions and stuff trying to think it's hard to name the like remember their names and specials and then get it all together. Jim Jefferies, I think, is one of the modern greats.

I really enjoy Jim Jefferies. His whole thing about that sex toy getting stuck in his ass. And the whole thing about he's high on cocaine and trying to have sex with the two girls in the hotel room. He's got lots of hardcore, funny shit. He doesn't even write jokes as much as just he's an excellent storyteller. I also feel like that's going to wear out. When we started this show,

I did a thing called Cool Story Bro, right? And I had like eight or ten cool stories that I would just tell, and people often didn't expect them from me. And every now and then you still go, what do you tell another cool story? Dude, you know them. Yeah, I'm out.

Yeah. Two years. Hang on, let me go do some cool shit this weekend. Exactly. I got to jump out a window or something and I feel like that could happen to Jim Jeffries too. Let's have like a charity dodgeball game but the charity is for some

disease that really affects your hand-eye coordination or something so we end up playing against a bunch of cripples. I feel like that would be fun for stories. The ALS Dodgeball Challenge. Bam! There you go. Forget the Ice Bucket Challenge. We're whacking these ALS patients with foam balls and just show no mercy.

That'd be great. Dodgeball for the blind. What the hell is ALS there for? They have that. They have dodgeball for the blind. I watched them playing it on Reddit. Or was it soccer? It was soccer. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You could hear the ball coming.

Dodgeball would have been much funnier. And they just lay themselves out. They hear the ball coming, and it's like clink, clink, clink. And most of the team was just like, all right, that one's too far for me. But some guy would dive and lay out flat and be the barrier to stop him from scoring. Yeah, blind dodgeball would be much better. You just put something that makes noise inside the ball. So as they're coming, you hear them screaming. Woo! Yeah. Fuck yeah. Who's that? dodgeball would be much better. You just put something that makes noise inside the ball so as they're coming, you hear them screaming.

Yeah. Fuck yeah. And like maybe we blindfold ourselves and play against the blind kids. I wonder how many blind fans we have out there. We could arrange this quickly. Even if it's just one and I get to like being a blind kid. Fair warning, I'm cheating.

Putting that out there they can't even tell they're blind you totally get away with this we notice there's one kid who's just black and bloody that's the one woody's been picking on for the last 15 minutes just beating him time and time again ah you signed up for it you signed the waiver you little bitch. No moms at this game. You'll call the show there. It's 1.20 in the morning, and if I'm going to squeeze in any real kind of zombie game tonight, I better

get started soon. That was Painkiller already, episode 256. I hope you guys enjoyed it. When are we going to do PKA Plays? Be sure to check out dollarshaveclub.com slash PKA and of course woodycraft.net because fuck the haters. It looked like

my headset's arriving on Tuesday. I ordered it primed so I thought it'd be over in two days, but the little status thing said Tuesday. Well then we got to get on this zombies and be good enough for PKA Plays when it rolls around. Alright, well I think we're getting pretty close close let's do that fucking ritual tonight and get it get pack a punch going we can get it done tonight i think all right so pka plays uh not this weekend

but maybe early late next week next weekend something like that all right all right that's a show