Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #262

Episode Date: December 31, 2015

This week on PKA, FilthyRobot returns to help the guys pick out a new cape for Jackie, Steve Harvey is a fool and silly stories of high school and sports.

And we're live. Painkiller Already, episode 262. This episode of Painkiller Already is being brought to you by our friends at Audible. Audible.com is the leading provider for premium digital spoken audio information and entertainment on the internet. We'll talk more about them later in the show. Our guest tonight is Filthy Robot, and we've got some cool stuff to talk about. Who do you want to kick it off with first?

Merchandise. Merchandise. Merch. Merch. The tailor arm of the pka empire the strongest star it's going really well people seem to be liking it a lot um i got the whole list here of what's the most popular things people are buying i can I guess? Yeah, yeah, you can guess. I think Kyle's Tranny Service is leading the way. Kyle, care to wager a guess? All right, so I would – I think I do like that shirt design a lot.

I came up with that one. I like that one. I think it is in the top two, but I think the gluten one might be up there or the uh or the lawyer one the gluten one's the one i want so i'm gonna go with lawyer i'm gonna say cliff hutchinson then tranny and then maybe gluten here's my talk i i think kyle's tranny service is leading but i think that the painkiller already logo like the pill might also be leading so those are my top two. Yeah. So the PKA logo is leading by a good bit. So I'm only going to do the ones after that. So number two, it's real close neck and neck between Gluten and Cliff Hutchinson, attorney at law.

Oh. Those are very close. It could be anyone's game. You guys could turn the tide. Seven Cliff Hutchinson shirts right now and then uh the next big one is the cock holster and then uh coming in at number six and number seven are both of kyle's uh tranny shirts and then uh rsk down there quite a bit and same with dark lord chalupa but uh yeah i think i cliff think Cliff Hutchinson has taken off.

Awesome. That's great. If you want to look along with us, it's painclearalready.net. Yeah. And as far as the actual products, the type of products that we're selling, a lot more mugs than i thought are going out and the most popular mug is the cliff hutchinson one because it looks like a real mug that you would see at a law office like it it's clearly made up because it says settle

for less yeah it's a good one and uh our premium quality t that's not even people are buying more premium quality hoodies than anything else right now and those are like really high quality and a little bit pricey so i'm surprised people are going for those as much but they're really nice now how did you get the design did spreadshirt help you like? Like, did they have, like, a design arm? Or is this something that you and your girlfriend did? Like, how did the designs happen? They have a whole design arm that I guess that they'll help you out if you're a bigger account and has more, like, potential. Like, if you're, you know, Suzy Q making t-shirts for your baseball team for the deaf or whatever, where you only need, like, 18 of them, they're not going to help you out, I wouldn't think. But they foolishly classified us as a heavy hitter yes i know

right well let's ride this out until they they figure this out yeah so they've been helping me a lot with it i've basically just been sending them ideas for designs and then they'll send it back to me and i'll tell them you know i don't like this or we have to change that um yeah they're great to work with i love love these Spreadshirt guys. The guy I'm talking to, Garrett, he's awesome. I know it's too late to, if you ordered now, to get them for Christmas, but you would have them

in plenty of time for Stephen Foster Memorial Day on January 13th. Oh my god, it's that soon? Yeah, it's coming right up, right around the corner. Yeah, and also it gives you the chance that up until Christmas Eve, use code PKA and you get 15% off. That's great.

For all your Martin Luther King Day gifts, January 18th coming right up as well. You know what's interesting about January 18th and holidays? There's a few states that came up with their own holiday to get around having to celebrate Martin Luther King Day. So Alabama and Arkansas instead celebrate martin e lee robert e lee's birthday the confederate general really yes you're not making this up no mississippi came up with their own state holiday and it doesn't really even have a name they just said it's a state holiday don't worry about it

just so they wouldn't have to technically celebrate Martin Luther King Day. You know, they could be like, yeah, I'm not working today. It's a state holiday. Don't worry about it. Idaho, they took a more moderate approach when it comes to avoiding Martin Luther King Day. They came up with the Idaho Human Rights Day, which they celebrate.

That actually doesn't seem as racist as the other ones. Doesn't either. Very moderate. Right down the middle. Keep in mind, Florida, on January 19th, just one day later, they're sure to celebrate Robert E. Lee's birthday as well. They waited one day in good taste before they celebrated the Confederate General's birthday. When's Arbor Day? Arbor Day. Hmm. You find it?

I'm scared to death I'm not going to have a gift for Arbor Day. And that everyone's going to have a house of irises. Ah, Arbor Day. April 29th. All right, so there's still time. Soon after my birthday, which is on Earth Day. Which they really shoehorned a day about trees and Earth Day into like the last week of April. Because no one really seems to give a shit.

Yeah, we should. because no one really seems to give a shit. Yeah, we should, I'll look into that, coming up with oddly specific themes for irrelevant holidays that you can then guilt your friends about for not honoring. You know, like, oh, you don't celebrate Arbor Day? Do you just not care about the environment? Well, February 14th is Statehood Day in Arizona, so maybe you can make a special shirt for them.

Imagine how horrible it would be if you forgot to get your girlfriend a statehood day gift. February 8th is Chinese New Year. I don't know that you could recover from a faux pas like that. April 25th is Confederate Memorial Day. That's when we do our Wings of Redemption special shirt. Yep.

The Wings of Redemption special shirt. We need to find a good pun having to do with the South will rise again for wings for that shirt. If he'll give us permission to do it. King of cocks, the cock will rise again.

That's not bad. The thing is, you have to be careful what sells and what not. Some of these are just for me and my personal collection. I don't care who buys them I messaged Wings today about he messaged me actually offering me

a link to a bootleg copy of a film that I didn't want to see and I replied back and I was like hey I've been thinking about this thing for a long time and we're doing more merchandise for the show and I think it'd be funny to do something for you so I offered to pay him to license his name and image

to create Wings of Redemption or Hot Wings of Redemption hot sauce and I already have everything kind of lined up except for his permission so if he says yes I'm going to figure out some moderate sum of money to pay him and I think I would have to go to Conway, South Carolina and photograph him because I want him on the bottle wearing like a chef's hat with a big chef's apron that says kiss the cook.

Or maybe with a big rooster on it or something, giving a double thumbs up or holding a big hot wing or something. I think this would be hilarious. And we do like, I don't know, 50 bottles of it. I'm sure 50 of you maniacs out there would buy some of this shit. And just make it pay for itself and have a hot sauce arm of the PK Empire. The hot sauce arm. What you need is like, you know how when you buy certain shit, just on the back it'll say like, hey, here's a recipe you can use this for,

and it says everything else. You need a Wings of Redemption original recipe for wings. Oh. That he doesn't... They don't even have to be good at all. They just have to be a recipe that he came up with so people can eat their own. That would be part of his payment. He would have to make a video of him dressed with a chef's hat and the bib that I would film

of him cooking a batch of hot wings with the sauce, and that would be our commercial that autoplayed wherever on the site and everything. I hope he gets on board with this. If you're out there, mess with him a little bit. I'm not joking. This isn't this isn't. This is 100% serious. Don't make some money.

We're not talking about a huge sum of money here. We're just talking about making a little hot sauce for the fans because I think it'd be a fun project to do. All jokes aside, I would estimate that maybe two thirds of PKA ideas don't happen in real life. Do you think this is on the good? No, most of them aren't that good.

Yeah, see, the reason they don't go through sometimes often is we envision potential legal ramifications or potential PR ramifications, and it's just people advise us whether it's Kitty saying no, or Woody's wife saying no,

or my girlfriend saying no, or just the better part of my mind the next day when I think about it saying no, that make them not come about. It's not always a lack of effort on my part. I did do the whole FPS boot camp, which I think was the most labor-intensive of all PKI ideas. Second, I don't know, the survival trip involved more of us, so maybe the combined effort of four people going at it for one week rather than

one person going at it for a month is a little different, but it was a lot. But I think doing this would be easy. So I already know where I could go to get the bottling done and the labels done. That shit's easy to do. And the actual hot sauce itself, I could go to get the bottling done and the labels done like that shit's easy to do and the actual hot sauce itself I know how to handle that I would have wings do a few tastings of maybe 20 different sauces and we'd find a blend that really exemplified what

Wings of Redemption tastes like and we'd bottle that up get the labels made and I would enjoy going there to film both the little short video of him cooking hot wings and of course doing the photography of him wearing the chef's hat and everything. I think that would be hilarious. It has to be like a really official video too. Like you can't be like rummaging in the pantry.

It has to be like – and then you add half a cup of salt. Probably not that much. That's a fuck ton of salt. Like whatever you would do. Whatever you would do. I'd run like a standard three-camera cooking show. I'd have a ton of salt. Whatever you would do. I'd run a glass container. I'd run a standard three-camera cooking show. I'd have a downward-facing camera of him moving the little vessels

of ingredients around and stuff and adding a pinch of this and a pinch of that. It'd be hilarious. You could add a 90s-style intro where it's him doing different things around the kitchen, picks up the bag of flour, drops it, and turns it like that, and then it freeze frames on him and then he's like

sauteing something and the flames come up and he kind of like laughs just oh i can picture this so you're talking about filming lit like a faux cooking show and there's an intro where there's music going like and you get like a quick montage of past cooking moments of Wings. Yeah where he's making mistakes and then it freeze frames on his funny reaction to the mistake of like oh dear I've spilled the flour again. Yeah just oh.

I don't know about all of that but what I definitely will do if Wings of Redemption signs off and accepts whatever money so I can figure it out. It won't be much you know a few hundred dollars. To do this thing, I'll do it. Yeah, we'll make at least 50 bottles of hot sauce, 100 bottles of hot sauce, put Wings of Redemption's face on them, make sure it's the right kind of hot sauce.

And it won't be some, you talked about it earlier, it won't be some like blow your asshole out hottest hot sauce of all time. It'll actually be like a tasty Frank's Red Hot style hot sauce that you would actually put on a chili or wing. Here's what I think. I think that a lot of the people that buy this hot sauce, assuming it ever happens, and I'm really waiting to see.

Hey, I've done my part. Bug fights. Thank you. Hold on. Bug fights terrarium sitting right fucking there. You know, we're not saying that you don't start ideas. No one's accusing you of that. Kit said no, absolutely not. She has a whole phobia with the bugs.

She wouldn't allow it. I couldn't do it. I even bought the gears and the razor blades to make the hazards. I've got them upstairs. I can get them. I've got these little battery packs and switches and gear systems and little electric motors that spin razor blades i was ready to go yeah yeah she shuts down i can't help what she does you know she she said no if people buy it i think that your market is people who really want to keep it as a display

piece like i think i went to Joe Lozon's house and he had all these Nuka-Cola PhD flopper sodas on a bookshelf. I think that might happen a lot to this hot sauce. Sure. So make sure the label is awesome. But that means that people will buy two bottles, right? That's my plan. I'm going to buy one to keep

and one to make some wings of redemption. That's a brilliant plan, except that it doesn't account for the number of bookshelves you have. I see one behind you right there. Two-bottle pack. You heard it here first. Five bottles, six bottles. $19.99. Two bottles of hot sauce for $20. Shipped straight to your door.

North America only. Real people only. Oh, oh. Hey, I'm sorry to interrupt the flow here, but look, the staff at WoodyCraft has told me to mention this at the start of the show. And we're, what, 15 minutes in almost? We are resetting our faction server. I haven't gone to bed before 5 a.m. in at least a week.

We've been working on this thing constantly. Our faction server has leapfrogged every other faction server on the planet in terms of how awesome it is. server has leapfrogged every other faction server on the planet in terms of how awesome it is. We've implemented Fly, which a couple of the servers have, but we did it smarter than anyone else and we're pretty excited to unveil the details of that. Fuck your TNT detectors, by the way. We've redone our mystery crates. We did mystery crates, I think a map or two ago. This is just for factions players, it won't be long um and we had this concept of like a crate and a key and you had like crates were almost free and keys were you buy a key for and people didn't like it so we went back to a new mystery crate system which is a better value and more fun to do it's like visually freaking like a one-armed

bandit what are those things called um air horn nope i'm going for the slot machine slot machine anyway uh serades over here i don't know new faction management make it easier to do your claim co-leaders a lot of cool features that the people have been asking for and uh i think it's december 26th i forget if that's the reset event or the day of the new map we do this and most people just turn their map off and put up a new one we do do this thing where, like, we give you a little warning, and then people just, like, blow up their own shit and make a super base in the middle, and then whoever wins that map reset,

like, has the most, like, wins PvP in spawn, has the best base, and has the most people in spawn, you know, because you have to sort of survive and fight. You get, like, prizes to kick off the next map and a thing next to your name to let people know that you're an event winner and that you're flipping awesome. And I'm not sure if that's the 26th or if that's the night before or whatever.

But anyway, our Factions Reset's coming up. We're going to beat everybody else on the planet or the multiverse in terms of the quality of our server. We're pretty psyched about it. It's going awesome. So thank you for your time. Filthy, what games are you playing right now? A lot of the quality of our server. We're pretty psyched about it. It's going awesome. So thank you for your time. Filthy, what games are you playing right now? A lot of the same.

Doing a lot of Civ right now. Just finished up an XCOM campaign, doing some Darkest Dungeon. Really looking forward to XCOM 2 coming out pretty soon. A couple games like that. You're not a Fallout player at all? I picked it up, tried it. I just do not like first-person shooters at all.

And that's kind of, I know it's an RPG, first-person shooter-y shooter type thing but it's not really my thing. Actually I loved the last Fallout and I thought this one, I'm probably going to like it too. I thought it would be a great streaming experience. It's super popular but I just picked it up and couldn't make myself do it. Really?

Yeah, really good things but just not me. No. No. No Call of Duty. We picked up, I say we I guess me and Taylor definitely did. Woody's got COD. We played No Call of Duty. We picked up... I say we. I guess me and Taylor definitely did. Woody's got COD. We played some zombies on there. And I've played a bunch of Fallout.

Just a whole bunch. I don't know. It's possible I sold it too short. I only played probably two hours or something. I mean, if you don't like it, you don't like it. I mean, it's a different type of game. I've been playing it. I've been finding interesting ways of playing it my characters like all luck-based

So he really isn't good at anything, but he's really fucking lucky So he'll just kind of stumble into a room like Steve like a Steve Martin character and everybody I'll just fall over dead There's the mysterious stranger coming in bullets literally bounce off me sometimes and kill the guy who shot at me So it's it's it's really entertaining to play that way. And I'm just running around. Do you have more than one character? Yeah. Because your first character kind of got melee built, right?

Yeah, this guy's also melee. I feel like melee's the most fun way to play the game. So it's a lot more fun to walk up into a room with a sledgehammer and kill four guys, just one after another, than it is to pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, or throw a grenade in the guys, just one after another than it is to pew pew pew pew pew or throw a grenade in the room, to me anyway. So it's still melee,

but instead of having any intelligence whatsoever, any charisma whatsoever, or any endurance whatsoever I think, I may have a little endurance, those skills are all one. And my luck is a ten. And my strength is really high, and I don't remember the exact stats

but it's mostly luck. It's all about luck. If I don't get lucky in every engagement I'll usually lose it if there's a lot of guys but I almost always win because with my clothing and everything the way I walk around the luck skill is at like 12 and it's

I don't know there's an equation there that figures out how often the good things happen to you and if your luck's 12 they happen pretty often so it's a real fun way to play the game happens more and more depending on how dumb you are which it sounds like your character is a complete dolt zero I drop my intelligence to zero by always drinking liquor so I'm just always I'm why I hotkey moonshine and I'm just walking around glunk intelligence goes to zero and every time it pops back up I just drink some more.

It literally makes you luckier if you lower your intelligence. Lower your intelligence the luckier you are with certain ones. It makes one of the luck perks happen more often. The lower your intelligence. A specific one. There's a specific luck perk which literally has

so there's always the picture of the fallout guy. You know what he looks like. But there's a specific luck perk, which literally has... So there's always the picture of the Fallout guy. You know what he looks like. But there's a different representation for him, depending on what he's doing or what the perk is. This is like... It's literally a mentally challenged person that pops on the screen and goes... And it's called Idiot Savant. It's the Idiot Savant perk.

And when this thing engages, you get triple the normal amount of experience points for whatever action you completed. And it's completely random based on your luck. So occasionally you'll complete a big mission like where you did a thing, right? It's a chapter in the overall main story quest. And that thing might pay 600 XP normally,

but you'll get 1,800, and it just keeps going and going and going. It's very satisfying. Do you have Critical Banker? I'm pretty sure you need to use a rifle to get the bonus of that, don't you? Or like a gun. Does that work with melee? It works with melee too.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I haven't been using Critical Banker because I'm pretty OP with the melee at this point. One hit kills just about everything. But I've got so many other critical multipliers that I'm constantly getting my AP refilled and my critical meter refilled

anyway, so I really don't need to bank one. Yeah, I really like... How many hours did you put into it? 180, maybe. Okay. Yeah, yeah. I was playing right before I got on here. I have some eight-hour play sessions, you know, just like Civ.

I can get into it and just not stop, play all night if I'm not careful. But I haven't been playing much Civ. I haven't played much Civ at all. Chiz stopped playing as much, and I really like the ability to, like, get on really quick and play a 1v1 with him. And I know with him that we can pause a game and pick it up again at a later date where it's really hard to do with someone you don't know. So, I kind of lost my... I guess my passion for it a little bit.

But if somebody started... if the group here was like, let's play some Civ right fucking now. There's 200,000 people who want to see it. I'd be like, yeah! Alright, let's do this! I'd be excited about it i really would be i could get fired up about civ again pretty quickly but i imagine just about what taylor was going to say anyways right he's a huge civ fan right oh my god i can't get enough i wasn't sure where you're going with that you know taylor's like you know how many doubloons my empire earned shit yeah they call me the camel lord got a whole a corner of the

market everyone's gonna come to me for their camel needs good luck living in the desert without my alliance you know i don't even know whether it was close enough but yeah kyle you've really dropped off call of duty as far as like multiplayer I'm fourth prestige now. Not much better. But it's getting a little bit. If you want to play tonight, I'm totally down. It's mostly my girlfriend because when I play Fallout, I can involve her in it. I can be like, oh, so

now we're going to this witchcraft museum. We're going to go in here and do this thing. And I'm using this gun because of this and this hammer because of that. And see, I'm wearing these clothes. And it's like I'm doing a let's play but with one member in the audience and but with Call of Duty I can't do that because it's

so much fast twitch bullshit and just zoning out to your eyes start hurting playing zombies and she doesn't like watching that so for her benefit I've been mostly playing Fallout or watching Netflix but if you want to play it at night or any day this week really I'm totally down. I can play some zombies. If we're not all just

talked out after PKA for today, then yeah. I can listen to myself talk for endless hours. I never get tired of hearing this. Don't worry about that. You and I really don't have any downtime, even when we're talking on Xbox Live. We're still monopolizing every conversation.

Yeah, absolutely. I'll just keep talking. I like hearing myself talk. I'm just real interesting. The way the words just roll out of my mouth. There's just something sexy about it, don't you think? Don't you like listening to yourself talk? Don't sell yourself short. I actually

hate it. I hate it. I actually hate going back. Does anybody else have this feeling? You go back and watch yourself say a thing, especially if you go back like years ago and you're like, ah, I just wish you hadn't said a thing. Not so much that you hadn't said a thing, because I know you have that feeling.

But you wish you'd said something differently or just the way you sound. Or just that your voice sounded different. The sound of your voice, that's what I mean, yeah. Every time I listen to myself, I'm just like, God, who is that nasally, annoying fucker? Like that, eh, I'm from the Midwest,

and I sound like I always have a stuffy nose, and it's like, ugh, just unpleasant. It's my audio setup. I had a conversation. I actually listened to this conversation i had with um white boy from like years ago i have a um mp3 file called white boy lies where he like talked about all the nasty shit he's done and uh my audio was totally blown out and i was like ah i'm just not happy with that i would never to you know recently have a uh a mic set up like that but

so for you it's the it's the yeah it's the tech side yeah i went through a phase where i just like cranked up the bass to a point where really it it just wasn't that clear to hear anymore you know it was just this sort of rumbly sound and i didn't like that either mic talk content for me sometimes older videos older guide videos stuff like that if i look back and though sometimes i'm like man either. Mic talk. Content for me sometimes. Older videos, older guide videos, stuff like that. If I look back at those, sometimes I'm like,

man, I wish I had done that a little bit differently or, you know, I wish I could go back and easily correct that in some way without altering the base video. Things like that. Yeah. You want to do some of these AMA questions here for December?

I know, I know I glanced at these earlier and I think they're actually some decent questions in here does everyone have it in front of them I do yeah oh I've got them in front of me you were excited about some of them what you got let's see here so these are oh by the way the patreon thing if people don't know you can there's there's patreon levels there's a little link like annotation on the side and um at certain levels you're eligible to ask us questions and then we go through and we pick them and they

become part of the show uh the way the patreon works is like when you sign up you're not charged until the first of the month so it doesn't start until the first of the month but this is is a good time to mention it because the show will go up right before the end of the month. So if you decide to be a Patreon, you'll actually be one a few days later, which is cool. Very cool. So anyway, annotation on the side if you're interested. I got a question on this document. If you guys don't have anything you wanted to go to. Go ahead.

Go on. Go on. All right. In the past episodes of PKA, Woody and Mirka retell stories of their sports playing years. I was wondering if Kyle had participated in any sports in school, and if not, why? And I'll just add an addendum to that. And any funny or entertaining stories about your endeavors into athletics?

I don't think I was very good. played little league and i played when i was like i guess i don't know what the age group was to be honest i think i was in ninth grade or uh or eighth grade i don't remember i don't remember which but i think it might have been ninth grade or during the summer between the two and i did okay uh but i wasn't good enough i didn't feel like and i really didn't like the whole high school athletics thing I wasn't interested in that thing at all it just seemed stupid to me I didn't like the stupid letterman jackets

and the silly club that the people who wore them thought that they were in I thought they were lame looking like I didn't want one and I just wanted no part of it and I'd also heard about the ridiculous like hazing stuff that they would do like a couple of guys got fucked in the ass with coke bot

with coke bottles like three years before i got there so it was just like well that's what did you play little league no to play like high school baseball, baby. The coach took it real seriously. You prepared to die for this team? I was so the opposite with the Leatherman jacket thing. I didn't swim until my senior year. But I always sort of wish I had those Leatherman jackets. I looked at other people's

stuff and was like, ah, it'd be nice if I had that. I thought they looked incredible. But, you know, it was something that was earned. What were your colors? What were your colors? Red and white. That sounds pretty cool.

Ours were green and black. So when I finally got – I was a swimmer, and I mentioned before I was a good swimmer. And they would have stuff, like, embroidered on the sleeves. I fucking filled that shit up. It was like – like, you'd put the event you swam in there, and you had to swim that event at the varsity level, and then you were allowed to put it on your thing. And then, of course, you only got this big patch on the front. That was one of the real things, whether you had the patch

or whether you were just on the team. And I was like fucking – I filled up both of my arms. Like fifth in the state. A fucking five-star general swimmer, motherfucker. I can swim so good. I was like fucking like I filled up both of my arms like fifth in the state this relay event this by this this like you know I can swim so good 50 free 100 free 200 free 500 free fifth in the state fucking relay this fucking relay that like you know first team something all I was I don't even know what I was it's prestige swimmer I was all county in like so many fucking eagle and everything and I like all county is not that big of a deal people think all county in like so many fucking eagle and everything.

Like all county is not that big of a deal. People think all county is a big deal when you're in high school. But there's a lot of counties, you know, small pond. But it just turned out like it goes by times. And I wasn't even able to swim that many meets because because my grades were so terrible. I got like suspended and came back after Christmas or something But there was still a few meats left and I just came and blasted with all these fucking times and I had two school records and shit like that so my my sleeves would like I just Filled it up until they wouldn't let me embroider any more shit on my jacket

I was emperor of the letter like an asshole walking around with not me. I felt like of the letterman jacket. I felt like such an asshole walking around with those tracks on. Not me! I felt like a king! Because it was like hockey is a club sport because schools don't want you to play hockey and be affiliated. Most hockey teams have a bad reputation just because it's just, you know,

there's a lot. I had never seen so many, like I'd only heard stories of hardcore drug use when I was like 15 or 16 until I started going to my hockey practices with kids from other schools for like my real team and they would like offer to like you know they'd talk about how great cocaine was like just really casually and it's like dude you have your driver's permit like you drove in here with your mom and you brought coke in your bag like what

the fuck is wrong with you like we're playing and we're 16 15 years old there's no reason for you to do a line off of a dirty top of a urinal before we play these other kids with post-its. What the fuck? It's the same school district with the Coke cans, right, that Kyle was a part of. Is that right? Yep.

Very big district. Bottles. He's a 20-ounce bottle. Are you sure there wasn't any jealousy, though, from you, Kyle? Like when you saw those kids like oh man they're getting a lot more attention from the chicks because they got like fastest you know hurdle you know i remember i was just thinking of the type of girls who would be who would like wear the letterman jacket and i just imagined this short nasty whore of a bitch who would always

like it just nah it just wasn't cool man at school, it was very cool. And you're like, I just imagine the kind of girls. No, dude, all the most primo girls would play varsity sports at my school. Because I didn't get my jacket until I was – No, I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about wearing the boyfriend's jacket. But the girls did – Those were the people that got first pick of the girls. So I didn't get my jacket until my senior year because that's when I started swimming.

So I didn't have it. The swim season ends, I don't remember, like February or something. So the jacket's not coming in until March or April. That was a very short window to wear that fucking jacket. It's getting warm out. People are like, what are you sure you need a jacket for today? It's like 80 degrees. Oh, yeah.

I didn't do it right. It's that uniform. uniform i just carried here on my shoulder just wait did you get first pick though because at least at my school like different sports got different picks of different groups and clicks of girls like the popular chicks like the like that click group football team kind of globbed onto them and they globbed on the football team uh like wrestling it would be like those guys got with like other chicks who were pretty athletic as well like some athlete chicks uh the hockey team we got like first pick of just a stable full of dad issues and already

existing drug conditions a couple abortions in the mix like like just not yeah yeah no i like scraping the bottom of the you're popular kids you're right in the swim team is not the like the sport that gets the most attention or whatever um my particular girlfriend in senior year was she was really hot um it didn't make that much of a difference to me uh i've told the story before, but when I got her, she wasn't that hot. She had braces on for like – we dated for like a year. For the first week and a half of it, she had braces. She had just burnt her hair. She was making brownies or something, and her hair got like –

you know how they ever get like a wave of heat, and all of a sudden there's like a bunch of singe and stuff so for the first whatever like three weeks that mattered and then boom right ugly duckling turns into a swan and uh she this is terrible because this is not the woman i married but she was one of the hottest girls in in my school She had really big boobs, which wasn't my thing. Like, I'm not really a big boob guy. Too feminine. I was at that age. Not a boob guy, but what I did like

was that every time someone else looked at her, they're like, oh my God, that's your girlfriend? And it's like, yeah, this is my girlfriend. And I think it was, I just, at the time, it was big to me that everybody envied my girlfriend. How do think it was, at the time it was big to me that everybody envied my girlfriend. How do you think those boobs have aged? I would guess.

Let's look, let's look, let's look. Yeah, actually, she sent me a friend request on Facebook like eight years ago. It can't be that long ago. Oh, she's wet. It was right around the time that P.K. A. Dan was on the show. So what was that, like four years ago it can't be that long ago like uh it must it was right around the time that pka dan was on the show so what was that like four years ago maybe yeah and uh his wife had just done like

a whole facebook affair type thing which is why he's divorced now and so she sent me a friend request i talked to jackie about it and she's like i'd rather you not so i didn't and that's as much as i know yeah yeah I guess that was a sensitive time for that kind of thing to be coming up that makes sense yeah she's like good enough going to Jackie on that one that's still just that's respectful to do yeah yeah like if you're in a relationship

where you have children to be like hey you know this this chick from my past may have put it in her you know who's to say but she wants to reconnect is that okay no no absolutely not like if she had asked you like hey this guy used to fucking plow me and he wants to reconnect you you mind you'd be like no fuck off like no like i'd leave i didn't feel sweet why are they reaching out suddenly after that time and what do they want like you know you were doing just fine in your life before that and suddenly oh

look facebook like the easy access kind of like you know you're drunk late late at night by yourself shopping around on facebook and suddenly you send a friend request you know like i know i don't know i don't know when you would ever say yes to that like significant others yeah this really hot guy used to know i don't think athletics was that big of a deal at my school i at least it sounds like you guys had like a pecking order and it that know. I don't think athletics was that big of a deal at my school. At least it sounds like you guys had like a pecking order in it. That doesn't – I don't recall that, I guess. Oh, there was.

And it seemed like the same group of guys kind of – it seemed like the same group of guys kind of did everything. Like, you know, the quarterback also played baseball, right? What was your high school? It was like 1,000 people. In the whole high school? No, in the graduating class. That's a much bigger school than I went to. Maybe I'm wrong then.

Yeah, it's weird that it would be overlapping so much then. We had four years, and they combined for like 1,200 or 1,300 students. Look at my yearbook. One thing people used to do when I was in school is they'd shave their heads, and the only way I can describe the hair I guess it's high and tight but I always thought of it as reverse male pattern baldness right where you've got like some hair right on top and you shave the sides but the sides would have designs right typically some sort of school pride thing like you know OC 92 or whatever year you're graduating in or like OC

football and they'd have words and pictures shaved into the side of their head and i always kind of thought that'd be cool to do but i wasn't sure i was cool enough to pull it off so i never did it i that was not a thing at my school nobody was shaving patterns into their head or writing things out like that none of the white must have been an 80s thing 90s but i hear you yeah i guess you know so i graduated 91 so i guess two of the years were 90s and two of the years were 80s so yeah it was definitely not like that how about your your school filthy i had a small graduating class like like 600 people in my school entirely. It's like 150 in each graduating class, I think. And pecking order.

Football was a big thing. I grew up in Maine. I did high school in Maine anyways. It was kind of a small town and football was a big thing. I had my jaw broken by a rival football team player punching me in the face. Because I didn't follow football, had no interest in football whatsoever, didn't really support my team particularly. I don't really quite know how that went down but i did have a experience in high school with that i guess so i don't know pecking order i guess probably a little bit i think

certainly athletes were popular why did someone punch you in the jaw again i think i'll find me that went real quick were you talking shit sure yeah uh no uh i bet you wouldn't believe this had something to do with alcohol no you don't say i know right like no we just did some outdoor party somewhere and it was like uh there we were we were a small town there's a larger town near us and he was a football player from that team from that that town or something and we were in our area and somehow he mistook me or thought I was someone else and just sucker punched me in the face. Over someone talking shit about their team

or something. A team I had no affiliation or interest in either way. And I had a broken jaw from it. I sucked liquids through a straw for a month. Did you see him? Did anything come of it? We charged him actually. Charged him um they wanted to

do aggravated assault but we moved it down because if it's like aggravated assault or something is like he can never vote again he's a felon or something and we we decided not to do that to him as like my parents were just like you know this is some stupid thing with boys at this age we're not going to do that to him so we ended up just charging him with something along the line simple assault by chance yeah i think it was simple assault i have some experience in this go on so you charged him with simple assault and then what happened you got done with simple assault i never saw him again so all right there was like this whole process like you know cops coming by and taking statements and shit you know i had braces at the time and then my braces were wired shut and then i basically

did liquids through a tube for a month that's all healed yeah it kind of sucked that should have been the punishment they should have just wired his jaw shut if I'm if I'm your like circuit court judge or whatever like circus judge uh I'm like yeah why are that one's jaw shut too yeah that'll be funny yeah I mean it was rural Maine but I don't I don't even think they do that in rural Maine. I don't think it's eye for an eye anymore. And you're like, but he hit me too. Oh, well, hit him.

Hit him first. You get to break the... I don't think I could have broken someone's jaw punching them in the face during that time of my life. I don't think I was built enough to do that. You know what, young man? You're right. Bailiff, punch the shit out of that man. No harder. I pick a champion, you're saying, and they do it? You're right. Bailiff! Punch the shit out of that man! No harder! I pick a champion, you're saying, and they do it?

The bailiff. He does it. I bet you could stomp a jaw broken. I bet you could. Just some big, heavy shoes. Really just American history X him. I think if the jaw was against the ground and you hit it like that, maybe. But otherwise, your head's just going to move.

That first scenario is the one I was envisioning. I figured that – Put him on some sort of head anvil. Perfect. Perfect. Some sort of – Some sort of head anvil. It's like a regular anvil, but for heads.

It's like an indentation, a little bulb there where your eye goes. Yeah. What was the soonest after you guys graduated high school that you found out that one of the people in your graduating class did something like crazy or got arrested for the next year next year this one guy went fucking crazy um and he was like run god i don't know how what the genesis of the thing was but he was running and scared and freaked out and possibly on drugs and i think the police were after him but not really after him they were just like he needs to come

back here and talk about what happened but instead he jumps into a running car and then drives away with the car and there's a kid in the back seat so he quasi kidnapped a motherfucker and and grand theft autoed his way away from law enforcement and they got him uh they got him like immediately after charged him with all that shit and he eventually got out of it and you know he didn't go do hard time or anything i don't know i don't remember but you know they did everything but uh but but yeah that guy went from, like, you know, just normal popular kid that we all knew to Grand Theft Auto kidnapping kind of crazy rap sheet. Taylor, did you have a story in mind when you asked the question? I'm trying to think of good ones.

I had a friend. He wasn't at my high school. He was a kid I knew through hockey at a different school in the area but it was like a year and a half after we graduated that he got in trouble for uh he had one of those you know those cars that you can buy like a cop car that's just an old cop car and they still have that like spotlight on the front and so every time they drive around you you're like oh shit oh shit and then someone drives by he's like well fuck you man that's fucking ridiculous and he had one of those cars and he bought on the internet or i don't even know where he got it had to be like a pawn shop one of those like you know those old cop movies where it's like turn them on boys and they like

put that thing on the top and it's like one of those circles uh there's just one light and he got in trouble for he he pulled he was just pulling people over pretending to be a cop and he and he wasn't like getting out and being like give me your papers and everything because he was just pulling people over, pretending to be a cop. And he wasn't getting out and being like, give me your papers and everything, because they'd know you're not a cop. So he'd just pull them up, sit there for a couple minutes, freaking them out, and then just leave. And he got in trouble for that.

Because eventually, someone told me that he pulled over an undercover cop, but that seems like it's so far-fetched that can't be true. So I don't know how he eventually got caught. But that's a serious crime to be driving around pretending to be a cop pulling people over i would never do that i'd heard of people doing that and inevitably you hear the same thing oh then he pulled over a cop that's how it always ends and i'm like i'm not testing my luck at this this is like the worst game of blackjack ever. Like, I'm going to jail at the end of this night. And the fun

of it, like, where is it even? I guess if you went out and got a police uniform and a ticket book, and you just went and really played like you were a super trooper and fucked with people, you know, talking about chicken fucker and having a good time, maybe it's funny. But even then,

it's not worth the risk. It's a serious crime, and it's a big deal, but I feel like it's hard to measure, and I wouldn't know how to quantify this in law, but how serious it is is almost dependent on what's in the guy's heart, right? If you're abusing public trust in an effort to get girls to, like, blow you to get out of tickets, that's a really big deal. But your friend sounds like he just had an odd sense of humor and was doing it for yucks yeah and there was never any chance of

you know like serious abuse of power other than a 60 second delay no he wasn't a bad guy he was just uh i haven't spoken to him in years he was was just kind of an idiot, which you have to be to drive around and pull people over like that because there's no winning. Best case scenario is you pull over eight people in a row one Saturday night and you're like, man, what a hoot, and then you go home.

Worst case scenario is you go to jail and it's like, well, hope you weren't into guns or voting. That's not in the tea leaves for you the rest of your life. Should felons be able to vote? It's so... It depends on the felony. Why?

Why does it depend on the felony? If voting was more of a privilege, maybe not. It doesn't feel like much of a privilege now. You see these... I occasionally get tossed around this idea that you should earn your right to be a full citizen of your country and that should require some degree of like either involvement or sacrifice on your part but i feel like right now everyone's just kind of already gifted that right is it really that big of a punishment to be removed from that

so i kind of almost wonder like is that really doing anything do the felons really care that they no longer can vote i don't i don't think any of them really do but i i still don't think we should take it away like if he's if he's served his time he's he's paid for his crime supposedly then then why did can he not vote now like i can see maybe taking his you know if he's a violent criminal if you know that's two bit malone over there and he's he's been in jail twice both for armed robbery with a revolver maybe we shouldn't be letting him buy more revolvers, because that's what he does. But no reason to kick him out of the voting

booth, really. Two-Bit Malone knows a good candidate when he sees one. He's a smart guy. So do you want people to be able to vote from prison? Yeah, sure, why not? No, not while you're in prison. That's the kicker. You'd have to pay to put the machines in there, and they'd be sneaking drugs in the machines.

It'd be a whole thing. Plus, they haven't served their time. They're serving their time. No reason to be voting from prison. I'm trying to find some stats. Shit. They keep pulling out the black thing. Apparently, 35% of adult black people in florida have a felony conviction

that seems like it is way too high to be reasonable 35 i've heard that you're right i've heard a similar stat for dc by the way like one third of the black population it's 14 of the total population in florida has a felony conviction you're gonna immediately when you see something like that like arguments of like institutionalized racism are going to pop up right there. Right. If you're saying like, if you take a minority group and 35% of them are unable to vote, even if it's not, even if it's not supposedly related to that, that race,

then you're going to start seeing like institutional racism like pop up for that. Right. So in some sense that being an argument almost to like do away with removing felony, felony convicted individuals from being unable to vote. I where you're going and that makes sense um i have no idea if it's institutional racism or if there's some sort of socioeconomic socioeconomic issue that that's that's causing more people like it's causing more black people to commit crimes you know and i don't know what the scoop is but there's an argument forcing these blacks to do crime we've got to put our finger on it something is forcing them

there's come on there's an argument to be made that says uh i'm a little worried about ex-felons if felons are bad people and at least they were at one point, then do we want them to be a significant voting block in America's most important voting state? It's just they need a different line for it. Like, if you are a felon insofar as, like, when you were 19, you peed outside when you were drunk too close to a school zone or something. Like, in that case, it's like, like all right you should be able to vote if you were a dangerous like gangbuster just fucking around with cocaine selling it to kids and you

spend two years in prison or whatever and then you get out to 20 years whatever yeah you probably aren't the best person to be setting a direction or a pace for where the country should be going we don't have enough voters as it is we shouldn't be turning people away because at one time they did some bad stuff i can tell you this if felons could vote in florida i think they would vote democrat and gore would be president not anymore but he would be another recount i one yeah They won by like 400 votes or 500 votes, if I recall correctly. I have no doubt that if 35% or no, 14% of the population had voting rights, that they would have picked up that couple hundred votes.

It changed American history. You'd have to factor in like, you'd have to find some statistic as to what percentage of those people would have voted, you know what I mean? And then you'd have to further dissect it down and figure out which percentage, when it's a very high percentage, would have voted for Gore.

So let's say like 90% of them would have voted for Gore, but then only like 12% of that 90% would have voted at all yeah it doesn't take much though when you're only four or five hundred it matters about the would it matter about the county though like what it was it dade county where that thing was going on where it mattered uh but they don't just do it by account like it's the percentage of votes by state you know i know they're collected by, but they're accumulated at the state level.

Yeah, but I'm wondering... It wouldn't have been close. I think if you added 14% of the population of Florida... I'll quickly Google population of Florida. Anybody want to take a guess? It's got to be like

20 million people in Florida. 14 million. Wow, Taylor.lor very good um well 19.89 million oh yeah real close yeah yeah real close and it's a star at the time it was probably a little lower it was 17 million but you do 14 of 17 million and you get some number that only filthy knows right now. Let's move to decimal one. And then add about half, right? So it's going to be roughly 25% or 25, 250,000 people.

Is that right? 14%? I sure didn't do it. I'm sure it would be pretty easy to do. Something like a quarter million people. It's not very hard to get 500 votes from that population, and they would have gone towards Gore, and he would have won. I don't... So anyway, what I'm saying is, in that case, I kind of think it would have been good, but

the whole argument is... Would you want a presidency to be changed based on the impact of felons? I'm scared. I'm not sure. If it went in the direction that was against you like you're obviously okay with it because you really yeah you're like for the better good you want like if it were to switch the other way right you were on the other foot and that obama didn't make it in office because of the inclusion of felons how would you feel about that like that would be and people would

freak the fuck out if that were the case well to be fair how how many elections are have been decided in the last i don't even pick the pick the history of the u.s how many elections have been decided by a vote of like 400 like it's got a 17 i don't know i made that up thank you i realize there's only been a couple that are real close like right so probably most of the time i wonder if it even matters is what i'm getting at like if they if felons could vote or not does does it really most of the time have an impact on the election whatsoever they should I wonder if it even matters is what I'm getting at. If felons could vote or not. Does it really most of the time have an impact on the election whatsoever? They should be allowed to vote but not from prison. Then what's the point in including it?

And if the only time that it could be impactful is that it completely changes and jeopardizes the meaningfulness of the votes of non-felons then it doesn't seem like that. I'm not sold either way but it just doesn't seem like it. I'm kind of with Kyle. I feel like if they've done their time,

maybe I would even say not on probation anymore, right? Yeah, I would. If they're free and clear and they pay their debt to society, and that happens either because they have a lengthy jail term or they were rehabilitated in jail or whatever, if they're out of probation, maybe it's time to give them the rest of the rights of freedom i think so but then i also think that voting should be uh compulsory i i feel like um either compulsory or there should you should basically get a goddamn abstain option

on my voting ballot because like here's what i would here's what i actually do like give everybody like a give everybody something back on their return or on their tax return if you vote or something like pay us to vote everyone should either have to vote you need more people voting everyone should have to vote i hate both of these ideas you can abstain you can abstain sticker isn't enough i need some some meat behind getting me to vote because i just like an election like this i'm not going to go out and vote because i don't i don't feel pulled in any direction like at all i hear you there's still campaigning but um i don't think voting should be compulsory i don't think many things should be compulsory i don't like my federal government telling me i need to do this or that they can fuck off um and i don't think we should pay people to vote either. I think it should be compulsory.

Really? Absolutely, yeah. Everyone should have to vote. It shouldn't be a big deal. I'm not saying line them up out front of the courthouse with guns to their back or anything like that. Don't get me wrong. I'm just saying it one way or another.

You should click a button. You should check a box. You should do something. Maybe the polling has to be done differently so you don't have to be very inconvenienced by it. It needs to be easier to do. I'm not suggesting that everyone go use the current system because the current system is flawed anyway.

But one way or another, they make American Idol do this shit over text messaging. They handle that just fine. I'm in the don't tread on me camp. I don't know on me camp you know you i don't know what the penalty in your system would be you probably haven't thought it through either but like keep your jackbooted thugs out of my fucking driveway because i forgot to vote you know no it's it's death um okay well now now you're winning me over i feel like i i

although this is where the head ammo comes back it's death by jaw amble right? I feel like if we're all going to be under a federal government, then we should all have a voice in what that federal government's made up of. Otherwise, shut up. And I'm certainly not going to vote under the current system. That's a real headache, right? It's not a big deal.

Do you really want all of these 18, 19, 20-year-olds voting? Do you want a huge swath of that segment of the population going to the polls? Well, we're changing the voting requirements. The voting age is also going to be raised to a significant amount. And a lot of people are going to be excluded from this compulsory voting. This is getting real fascist. Haven't you been reading the manifesto? Also, the paying part about voting, I saw Woody start to wince a little bit when you said that.

I'm just imagining maybe they could bid, like the Republicans bid a little bit more on this area, and then the Democrats could outbid them and just like, we're going to pay this whole apartment block to come vote for us. I don't know, man. So the government takes care of you if you have a few kids, you know, and it kind of promotes you having more kids, supposedly, but really it's just, you know, pandering to a certain voting bloc. But in the same way, we're going to take care of you if you vote.

I would vote more if they got rid of all the politics stuff and instead of debates, they just had a Fear Factor-style competition. So you want to vote your party leader in. You want to get the Fear Factor party started and effect change. I can't wait to see that feeble old Bernie unable to finish his cow scrotum full of larva on stage and Trump

licking his fingers. That's not even how it would go down. Steve-O would be a third party candidate. He'd be the vice president. He'd be the pinch hitter. He's looking over at Bernie Sanders like, you gonna eat those cow scrotums? Bringing it on.

I feel like everybody knew that they were gonna have to vote. You'd break up the whole two-party system as well. You'd be able to have a third party that was functional. A fourth party even. I don't like the third party system. There is some argument to say that the people right now who are bothering to go vote are the people who are at least

marginally interested in it, right? Who have some desire to have an outcome happen here. Everyone is obligated to vote and there's penalties for not doing that. You're going to get people who are showing up only to vote because they have to. In which case, do we really want them deciding who's going to be running things? The other thing is this. I want to add to what Philpy said.

You also aren't reading my manifesto. There's an intelligence exam that goes along with this. I want to add to what Filthy said, which was like, right now the people that vote are self-selected. So they have kind of an interest in it. They go out and they're at least marginally educated on the topics, et cetera. If you get people who have no interest,

they're going to pick leaders oftentimes based on how handsome they are or how pretty they are. I know in India it's very tough to win an election if you don't have fair skin. I was like, oh, it's very important that you're fair in India. I'm like, oh, that's an honorable trait. No, no, no, no, no.

They mean light-skinned. Yeah. Well, I think it's kind of like two groups of people. I think maybe it's the southern Indians who are more darker skinned. But there's a big difference. It looks like a different race even if you're looking. I hear where you're coming from. Yeah, yeah. And beauty

is a big deal in Indian elections. I'm going from something like five, six years ago. Watch there be some ugly person in there right now to prove me wrong. I feel like you're... What's the word? It's a halo effect. You're an unofficial ugly person in there right now to prove me wrong. I feel like you're... What's the word? Halo effect?

You're an unofficial Indian. You've got your Indian card from your years of working with those people. I feel like you have a... What would black people give you? A hood pass? What would an Indian person give you? A quick 7-Eleven pass or something like that?

You're calling it a slur slug pass, I guess. We call it a slurpee. Yeah, I've got my slurpee. If people are new to the show or maybe Filthy doesn't know, I worked with almost an all-Indian team for about a decade at Cisco. And, you know, it just... You had an arranged marriage. Yeah, I would eat lunch with my Indian coworkers and stuff like five days a week pretty much.

And I didn't have an arranged marriage, but almost everyone I worked with had arranged marriages. And it's funny. None of them thought they were arranged marriages. I'm like, do you have an arranged marriage? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. My whole family picked her. It wasn't arranged. I interviewed her beforehand.

That's just not arranged. I got to choose my wife. I don't know. How long did you know her? Well, I mean, it was like a two-day process to choose her. And then the engagement was like weeks long. Over Christmas break, they'd come back. They weren't even planning on getting married.

They just thought they were visiting their parents. And then they'd come back, not with a wife, of course, because she can't get in the country yet but they're married and then like six or nine months later they you know she comes in tow yeah that that just sounds awful that does sound you think we'll ever get so progressive that there will be like arranged gay marriage and they're really pushing you into it and like you're not even gay we are trying to diversify this family and you will do this for us it's like uh that's what poor bruce jenner had to do right like the kardashians were losing relevance and ah take one for the team he's not even transgender he's just like all right i'll do it and now suddenly the kardashians are front and center on entertainment yeah

starting to get pretty old. Women do live longer than men. Maybe you didn't try to switch teams last second. You could have a few more years out of this. I love that whole South Park. Buckle up, buckaroos. Buckle up, buckaroos. And then just plows over people.

Have you seen that filthy? The new South Parks? Oh, I'm missing out. They're good. I'm waiting for the season to finish. Is it done yet? For a couple, yeah, at least a week now it's missing out. They're good. I'm waiting for the season to finish. Is it done yet? At least a week now. I want to buy it legally on

a DVD collection. Support them. Instead of DVD by DVD. Although probably any sort of satire, you lose a little bit if you're not watching it as it's coming out. It's generally hot topic stuff. They had an overarching story plot this season

about political reckoning. Yeah, so it'll still play really well. There's a few topical things, but the season as a whole, as it's put together in one big story arc, is really good, I thought. It's one of their better seasons. It's the 19th, I think.

It was much better than last season. Yeah, I thought so, too. I liked the Washington Redskins last year. I liked a few of them, but there were a couple of loser episodes, I think. It was much better than last season. Yeah, I thought so too. I liked the Washington Redskins last year. I liked a few of them, but there were a couple of loser episodes I thought that weren't that great. It's hard to keep a show good for a million years like that. I mean, they've been doing it.

How many seasons are there now? 19. It's a lot of seasons. Do they just do one a year? I know that sounds like a dumb question, but sometimes... Yeah, one a year, and it's less now. It's 10 episodes now, and it used to be quite a few more, like 15 or 16, I don't know which.

I just realized The Ultimate Fighter is on season 22, and it's like, huh? The show's eight years old, but they're in the 22nd season. Yeah, shows like that get up there fast. What'd you guys think about Epis for Family? Not sure if you've seen that. It made me laugh.

It felt like a real throwback to an older kind of television. It felt like what was that Archie Bunker show? It felt a bit like that. It's a guy who's kind of stuck between generations living in

that 1980s tech. I think it is based in the 80s, I think. 70s. Yeah, it makes more sense. Yeah, you're right. I don't know. I feel like I'd seen it all before, but it was with the addition of Bill Burr. I liked it. I watched all six episodes back to back

to back, but I'm not thrilled and excited about more which I am with Rick and Morty. with the addition of Bill Burr. I liked it. I watched all six episodes back to back to back. But I'm not thrilled and excited about more, which I am with Rick and Morty. I went and watched the director's comment. They did a panel. The creators of it did. I watched an hour-long panel with those guys because I'm so interested in the show, but I didn't have the same feeling with F is for Family.

I agree with everything. It was more depressing than I thought it would be. I love Bill Burr, but gosh, that show was so focused on the negative. His relationship with his wife was not so hot, with every one of his kids. None of his kids are anything to be proud of, really. His relationship with his wife clearly needs work. The guy's not happy. His career is in the shitter.

There's nothing going well all show. And I get that maybe it was supposed to be a more realistic look at life. But get your shit together, fuckhead. You're not doing anything well. You're a shitty husband. You're a shitty father. You're a shitty employee. Your health is even not so...

Get your shit together. It's just a total failure of a man fucking his way up through life with bill burr's excellent delivery yeah i got a lot of laughs positive at the end it's just there's so many parts in that show where like they you just watch you're like oh like there's someone out there who this hits really close to home for and they're like i'm frank this is my life like it's awful i go to a shit job and i come home to shit kids with a naggy wife and eat frozen food and i can't make a scene or i'm just gonna be in the dog house it's like oh god he's like oh this is good i can't believe it came out of a tray. Eating it on silver

plates. It's still frozen in the middle. Shut up, kid! I do like some of their one-liners where he says it's time for dinner and the kid's like, what are we having? He's like, more free food. What the fuck are you complaining about?

Yeah, yeah. That's the delivery like that's actually good writing too but uh i don't know it's just yeah i wasn't it didn't knock my socks off or anything um it's i'd say it's i give it a b right like you know it wasn't bad the story the story was interesting You can tell they're trying to build something there. This is a deep, rich world that they created here with lots of characters who have their own things going on. There's lots of supporting characters. It's got legs to go somewhere, but

the writing I didn't feel like was you know, it's not zany. Zany wouldn't describe this at all. It's more grounded, more realistic and that can be kind of a it's more grounded more realistic and uh and that can be kind of a turnoff because grounded and realistic are synonymous with depression and sadness and downtime right i hope it's a realistic realistic i hope it's a negative view on like i hope most people aren't living i think that's lower middle class lifestyle i think that's it

get your shit together people like i don't know like a hell lower middle class or not you can still have a better relationship with your wife than that i don't know she's kind of dumpy and front or frumpy i think is the word uh he fucked up you see it every at the beginning of episode every episode he goes through that like time warp of like his body falls apart he gets drafted you know the ring all that they should you guys fucked it's over that's what the show's about it's that he lost it he was young and fit and and on his way to the aircraft um the air force or whatever the fuck but it's over now now it's just you're unemployed sad poor i feel like it's it's encumbered it's part of his role in the household

to help everyone else achieve everything they can right that's what a friend does that's what a husband or a dad does and you know he wasn't setting his wife up for success he sabotaged her in some ways he's not she's in a pyramid scheme though she's over there fucking in some kind of slave labor pyramid scheme slinging tupperware for tupperware like she's getting paid in tupperware and he's unemployed now so i think that maybe that's next season maybe next season is him picking himself up by his bootstraps and starting a little garage business or something like that

maybe that's not where I see it going but it could be no but if she's in a bad spot or she's making a mistake with this pyramid scheme I didn't see him lovingly directing her to a better position he was tiptoeing around her he knew better he knew what would happen if he said a word he clearly already like brought this up with her.

This Tupperware thing is bullshit. And he's seen that that gets him nowhere but in the doghouse. So now he's like, yeah, your mom's doing her job. Her job. He's trying not to call it a hobby. That she does. That's very good what she does. It's very good.

He's totally like, he knows better than to say anything because he can't talk any sense into her. She's too strong headed. Because this stupid pyramid scheme is part of her sense of self worth which he's not helping her with on her own. She's a cartoon Woody. I bet it would be much easier to fall into a pyramid scheme

back in the day before internet where you're like, wow, really? Like, what a great opportunity. Yeah. scheme back in the day before internet where you're like wow really like yeah yeah now it's like oh look at all these rooms look at all of his kids you know his daughter seemed fine but his other kids really had self-worth issues you know he's not taking them onto the road to success i had a guy try and get me to do one of those pyramid schemes just like maybe a year and a half ago. Like he set it up like he's just a guy I knew. Like it's like, oh, I do this thing in my spare time where I sell these like supplements or like health things.

And I was just like, oh, that's neat. And he's like, yeah, you want to get involved in it? And I'm like, no. And he's like, well, just take this like pamphlet and and give it a read and it was just like this is like right down the checklist like you get paid based on the number of people that you conscript into it and eventually the whole world is selling each other you know nonsensical you know supplements where it's like you want some no i'm good uh you know my guys already pressured me to get these off the shelves it's like

slash out of my garage because i'm an idiot who bought all this. It's just a scam. So when I was young and looking for a job, I went to a thing. And these are gifted salesmen who do this stuff. At the top anyway, right? I went to some – like he had rented a room and he had a projector and he had like, I don't know what you call it, like an easel with like, you know, big cardboard things to show and like color printouts and charts and shit. Yeah. Yeah, props.

Yeah. Like he was like Anthony Robbins up there. Did I get the guy's name right? No, you didn't. The big, tall, handsome salesman. That's not him. That's not him. Are you messing with me?

No, I'm not messing with you. You're giving us the wrong name. I'm sorry. His name's Chuck Waters. Oh, it's Tony Robbins, really. He comes up when you... Oh, you said Anthony Robbins. Okay. Didn't you?

I don't think he's ever gone by that once in his life, though. Technically correct. What happened was I I said Anthony Robbins. I don't think he's ever gone by that once in his life, though. I think you're right. Well, what happened was I Googled Anthony Robbins, and his picture came up. And I'm like, I got it. But it says Tony Robbins. That's my mistake. Anyway, yeah, and I'm watching it.

And the presentation lasts a while. I'll call it 45 minutes, maybe an hour. And for the first, like first 20 minutes of it, I'm pretty excited about this opportunity. Yeah, yeah. He's outlining the growth and this and that.

He seems to be killing it. His math worked. If you check the calculations, they're all right. The numbers are pulled out of his ass, but there's no math errors in it. And I'm just excited about it. And then as it goes on, I'm like, wait a minute. I think this is a pyramid scheme.

This seems really pyramid scheme-y. And I was polite enough to stay to the end, which probably isn't the current version of me and i came home and i talked to my dad about it and he's like yeah yeah that has like he's you know i describe it in the way that he would have described it like i did my minor league sales pitch and then my father repeats it back to me with all the bullshit card carved off of it and it's like you know, so basically you do this, and then you sign up people under you,

and then they pay you. That's exactly what a pyramid scheme is. My poor girlfriend, she got roped into some sort of pyramid scheme, and it's so funny what she was selling. I asked her, I was like, what were you selling? She's like, some kind of berry juice. I was like, wait, you mean like on

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia? You literally sold like some kind of berry juice i was like wait you mean like on it's always sunny in philadelphia you literally sold fucking yaka berry juice that was like health juice and she's like yeah i was like i can't even make that up because someone else already did and made a comedy show about it it's so ridiculous like well i can't believe this i was like and she's like yeah yeah but that's not as bad as that whole nigerian prince that got my engagement ring though what the fuck you sit your ring to a nigerian prince she's like well he needed it to get his assets on frozen that's crazy but the berry juice thing i'm kind of like i hear it and i'm like huh like like pomegranate juice? That sounds good. I mean, that's stuff you can get at the store for cheap and in a quantity that's reasonable.

I feel like this is different. I'm picturing a tangier, stronger barrier juice. That's what it should be called. It's barrier-thin high C. 100% juice. No, no, no. You need a little punch in it or something. A little juice with some wings of of Redemption sauce in there.

But I don't know. Yeah, it's awful. I'm picturing something that's just... Like, if you buy strawberry juice right now, right? It doesn't really have much to do with strawberries. It's just sugar juice that's dyed red, right? There's got to be some strawberries in there. Yeah, 10%, right?

Something like that. It depends what you get. It depends what kind of juice we're talking. But there's definitely to be some strawberries in there yeah 10 right something like that you get it depends what kind of juice we're talking but there's definitely those sugary drinks that are just colored like the particular fruit and it's sugar water yeah i i don't know i just picture her selling bottled form of juice and you drink it and you realize like this is barrier than i'm used to i like it i don't know anything about that, but it was a pyramid scheme and no monies were tendered. How do I sign up for this pyramid scheme?

How would one get involved? That's what we need. I don't want to get involved in the bottom. I want to get involved in the top of the pyramid scheme. I want to be the top. We can just start right there. I feel like we should have come up with our own pyramid scheme years ago

and ran off with $5 million never to be seen again or something. Because we got the audience there, we just need to be convincing in this. This reminds you of a few more years. Were there any other times when you were with your girlfriend that she lost a bunch of money with someone hiding a shell under a cup or something, moving it around quickly? And she's like, oh, I was positive it was in that middle cup. And once again, wrong. hiding a shell under a cup or something, moving it around quickly. She's like, oh, I was positive it was in that middle cup.

Once again, wrong. Mind boggled. This is a ground floor opportunity right now to get involved in tilt distribution. Oh. Tilt distribution isn't going to work. It's going to go bad. People have cases of titty milk in their houses. You can't be having that.

You need to have a lot of women all over the country ready at a moment's notice. From the moment it leaves the woman's teat to the time it gets to your mouth, it's chilled the whole time. I can't be trusting my product out there to some pyramid people, keeping it in their garage. Is it getting hot? For a premium, perhaps we could arrange the teat mouth direct transfer. Only I get teat mouth direct transfer.

That's top of the pyramid, is that right? That is the top of the pyramid. That's only up here that you get to do that. You got to be OT level 18. What's OT? It's Scientology. It's Scientology. It's Scientology terminology.

I'm like original Tilk. Original Tilkster. That's the plan is we'll release Tilk and then we will bring out new Tilk and people will hate it. And then we'll bring out Tilk Classic. And everyone will just be buying it up. They'll love it.

The funniest thing is chocolate Tilk from the Black Woman. That is the funniest thing is the chocolate tilk from the black woman. That is the funniest thing there is. It's hilarious to me. I love envisioning the picture of the attractive black model on the bottle. It's just chocolate milk. Obviously, chocolate milk doesn't... If redheads gave us strawberry tilk, I'd be so into that.

We do. That's what we do and we have an Asian chick with some kind of banana flavor because it's yellow I didn't get it at first yeah I mean what else would be you know I don't know where else to go you don't want lemon titty milk nobody wants that some sour titty milk that's not

appetizing but I have had banana milk before like Nesquik makes those little bottles of strawberry milk, chocolate milk, and banana milk, I think. Instant carnation. That kind of stuff. I used to have that as a breakfast every now and then. Instant carnation, yeah, it's a breakfast, but it's obviously just a milkshake. But the younger version.

I feel like it's been reborn as the, If your coffee involves ice and sugar and stuff, you're having a milkshake. I wouldn't even know what to order. The Frappuccino, maybe? Yeah. That's a Frappuccino. I like that. That's wonderful.

That's all I would eat for lunch at one period of time. I would just get a caramel Frappuccino, a venti caramel Frappuccino, and get two extra shots of espresso in there. So it's a ton of caffeine, and it's 800 calories, I think, in that one drink. So that's a good lunch. That'll get you going. I bet.

A borderline empty stomach full of sugar and caffeine. Yeah, yeah. Taylor. All the calories of a real meal. So we had a bet last night. I didn't know it, but at the start of the bet, so Taylor says, hey, your Flyers are playing my Blues. And I'm like, yeah, let's do a bet. And loser has to tell bad jokes upon request.

I didn't realize it, but the Flyers were down 2-0 at the time. They even went down 3-0, But they eventually won 4-3. Four unanswered goals. And the Blues pissed it away. So, a bad joke, my good sir. All right. Okay, what's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? A Catholic priest and acne.

Acne. A Catholic priest and acne. Acne doesn't come on a boy's face until he's 13. Oh, God. I want one more. All right. Yeah, this is an awful list of really offensive jokes. The worst part of being a pedophile is trying to fit in.

I would tell a Casey Anthony joke, but my mom would kill me. A couple of these are so bad I feel uncomfortable reading them. That feels like one you should go with. Yeah. Like, give me an example of one like that. Well, understand it's not from you. It's not even funny. It's just gross.

What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmother's pussy? Nothing. Sucking out 13 of them and realizing you only put in a dozen. Like, it's not a good joke. It's just gross because it makes you picture some sort of weird felching with an elder member of your family. This is a terrible joke that will be hard to sit through. Are you prepared? Oh, yeah.

Why was Six afraid of Seven? Since Seven was a child, he has always been a prime number. He excelled at everything he did, but he was kind of odd. Seven was very vengeful and quick to anger, and even though he was popular and well-praised, he couldn't stand the sight of Six, who was well-rounded and had more of a good circle of tight friends. When prom came, Seven was alone and bitter.

All of his achievements and not one helped him land a date. Then Six came in with his plus one. Filled to the brim with jealousy, Seven spread rumors that Six and Nine were performing unspeakable acts. Six was alone again. While walking to class, Six saw Seven with Six's former plus one and averted his eyes. And as they passed each other,

Seven whispered into Six's ear, Now we're even. Yeah. That was rough. It was too long, and it was boring, and it wasn't funny. Oh, fuck you. It was awesome. I'm glad I stepped away right then.

Did I get spared a bad joke? What's so good about an Ethiopian blowjob? They swallow? Yep, you just know she'll swallow. Yeah. Why did the semen cross the road? I wore the wrong socks today.

What is Chipotle most known for? A, steak bowls. B, delicious tacos. C, chips. D, burritos. E, delicious tacos. C, chips. D, burritos. E, coli. Ah, you laughed, you bastard! Well, I said E. coli before you... I guessed it.

Multiple choice. Cop pulls over, a blonde lady walks up the window, pulls down his pants, pulls his dick out. She goes, ah, no, not another breathalyzer. Yeah, that's enough of these. These are horrific. They're literally bad

jokes. Yeah, I don't know what I expected when I googled these. I'm like down by number 50 looking for a decent one, but it is just a list of nothing but bad jokes. Nothing here. did santa meet his wife conjunction junction they specialize in hooking up words phrases and clauses bam you've been joke aside

never again never again i'm in a many talents but we need a vote because for some reason woody thinks people like these jokes and you guys need to figure out if you do or not and you need to fix this you need to fix this it just it steamrolls momentum on the show just i was sure to pick a moment in which there was no moment to be steamrolled. I didn't sit there in the middle of Tilt Talk asking for – it was dead. There was no – we had paused. It ground to a stop, and I brought up the joke thing. Oh, it's just –

I love – Now it feels like you're molasses. They're growing on me. They're growing on me. I'm liking them more and more every time. Well, I'm going to share this with Woody so he can read some of these at his leisure.

Your bad joke list? I'm pretty sure I've literally been on it. I'll look. Well, I'm not one to... I mean, you're kind of the titan in this realm. You're like, oh yeah, number 62 on this one is a real hoot. I'm going through your AMA questions, and I'm trying to find any good ones.

I scanned these, and for some reason I thought that I was scanning them all and absorbing that, like, eight of them were good. But now that I go back, there's – I don't want to insult you guys, but, I mean, you should really condense your question down to less than one paragraph, right? Some of these are three or four. Yeah, some of these are very very long and a lot of them look like... I feel like I've seen a lot of these before, but I guess I have.

Yeah, everyone always asks this one. Kyle is someone who knows next to nothing about guns. I've been looking into learning to shoot and eventually once I'm confident with a gun, get a concealed carry permit. How should I go about learning basic gun safety and how to shoot and what gun would you recommend I get with a concealed carry being its only purpose?

With concealed carry being its only purpose. Yeah, if you've got like zero shooting experience, you should... What I would do in my personal situation the local gun store to me rents pistols for $7 for as long as you want to shoot and then you just buy your ammo so you could literally go in there and get a 1911 for $7 and

an LCR for $7 you know pick five guns and take them back there for $35 rental and shoot everything you want. You probably want an instructor at first or at least someone who kind of knows what they're doing. You don't need someone who's an expert, but you need someone to teach you the basics. But yeah, practice with a gun and get confident with a gun.

And then I like the Ruger LCR and things like it. I like concealed, for concealed carry I like revolvers with internal hammers that are light. It's funny you mention that. My local gun store rents guns. Also at $7. They also have an instructor, which is what I did the first time. And it was really well done. Like you went there, I took a test and they're like, we don't care if you get every question right or every question wrong. I just want to know where you stand. You know, like if you don't know what a muzzle or a trigger is, and that impacts what we cover in the course,

you know, if you come in here and you nail everything, then that impacts, you know, then we'll focus on the Windsor stance or whatever it is that they're going to teach. So, uh, I went in there, I took a test. He knew where I stood. He taught me to shoot. And, uh and then after that I would go back without an instructor and just rent different guns because I was trying to pick the right one for me I went in thinking Glock I guess because it's a really popular name and it was known for reliability and um when I shoot it it wasn't or shot it it wasn't my cup of tea and I went and tried some more and um then got a gun I'm really happy with and I actually have it right here.

For the really really gun novice members of us like myself what does that even mean when you found like you found a gun that you liked what was it what was it that you liked about it like what were the things you were like sitting there going well this one I don't like quite as much and this one's a little bit better like on what criteria was that that you were even making that decision on? When I shot the Glock it like the the trigger didn't pull in a way that i really liked um i didn't like the way that they did the i guess i did like the safety on it but it was too hard it was kind of gritty the one that i had um it's really boxy the glock and uh also it points at a different angle like this k Kyle, tell me if I get anything wrong here. But this angle like that, if you could pretend that's an angle, is I don't want to call it standard, but it's pretty similar amongst most guns.

And a Glock is a little different. So like when I pick up a Glock and point it like without, you know, aiming, I was off. You can see the difference is substantial. Yeah. So the Glock wasn't right to me. To some people, it is right. But it wasn't as natural to me, and I didn't enjoy shooting it as much.

To me, this is much more natural, which is a 1911. That angle fits perfectly when I draw it but the glock takes some getting used to and i don't particularly like it another thing is the way the trigger breaks like when you the actual part where you've squeezed the trigger enough for the gun to go off and that trigger breaks it clicks it comes back the hammer drops or the firing pin or whatever the way that feels is important and with a a Glock, to me, it feels kind of like, I don't know. It feels junky. It feels cheap.

And with something like the 1911, it feels really crisp and clean and like a snap, like glass breaking, and it feels clean. And there's lots of things that are different about the Glock that I don't care for. I really dislike the trigger safety on Glocks. Yeah, it's got this little trigger safety there. That's not the thing about Glocks I don't care for. I really dislike the trigger safety on Grox. Yeah, it's got this little trigger safety there. That's not the thing about Grox I don't like. I think theirs is done pretty well. Actually, I think I might even like it more than the gun I picked, which just like this bottom part sort of straightens out.

What is that? This is a Smith & Wesson M&P in 9mm. I think it's a pretty good gun for the house. To me, it's way too big and heavy to carry. I wouldn't want to carry this. I thought I was going to when I bought it. And I don't know, maybe I did once or something. But it's a big rock for your pocket, man.

For a carry gun, I've talked about this about this before you know you shoot it a little you carry it a lot uh it'd be my ideal carry gun would be a knife that somehow is a transformer that expands into a gun i want something small for a carry gun like either of these work uh i've got a little like behind the back and it goes in the small my back holster for this thing and it really tucks away nicely um and any other the Rock Armory one or a different one? The semi was a Car 40, and this is a Rossi 357 Magnum. Rossi. Yeah.

Those are pretty affordable, aren't they? Yeah, yeah. A couple hundred bucks, $200 or $300, something like that, I think. It's been a while, though. I don't know. But, yeah, I like the Ruger LCR with like 38s in that thing. It's a nice, light concealed carry gun. That's what I would do.

Movie talk. So Star Wars has dropped. The Revenant and Hateful Eight are available for illegal download. So it's Creed apparently. I saw that in the theaters. I know, but it's also out there. That's the boxing movie, right? DVD screener quality.

These are the DVDs that go out to award show deciders, voters, the people who decide who get the Oscars, stuff like that. And the celebrities and stuff. So it's good DVD quality leaks that are out there, but I'm not going to watch any of those movies. I know you did, and I want some of your thoughts.

We're going to be very spoiler free, so everyone knows. Very much spoiler free. Only going to give mild general impressions about things. I know a year and a half ago we used to spoil Game of Thrones, if you weren't current on the episodes, but that is not what I'm doing here. I saw The Hateful Eight and loved it. I really, really liked it. To hear Quentin Tarantino talk about it, he makes a big deal out of the cinematography, but it is not an Avengers-style movie that's really driven by how great it looks. I really, really like The Hateful Eight.

I don't know what more to say about it. It didn't feel as long as it was. At the end of it, I felt like I had gone on this journey and really enjoyed the film all the way through. Can you check real quick and see what the runtime of your copy is? Because if it's three hours and seven minutes, then you did get all that footage. But if it's like three hours or, you know, if it's two hours, 58 minutes, I don't know what the other one is exactly.

But maybe you could tell in that because there's six or seven or eight minutes. I don't remember exactly of 70 millimeter footage that could that was only going to be shown, you know, in the 70 millimeter roadshow could that was only going to be shown um you know in the 70 millimeter roadshow edition of this thing i don't think i have access to my copy from this machine no worries but um i like i i'm not if i saw it i don't know i mean i certainly saw a bunch of um like snowscapes and trees and stuff like that but um you know if i missed seven minutes of snow falling or whatever like it wasn't dialogue driven it was just they were loving the beauty and majesty of the seven 70 millimeter format that they shot it in and that's what those scenes are

so um yeah i don't know i really really like the hateful eight i think it's the best movie i saw this year and i've seen star wars and creed and the revenant the revenant i'm trying to i'm thinking before i talk the revenant i it's not my cup of tea i saw the previous for that it looked just like this long depressing like slug of a film so i'm like was was that anything what you saw you nailed it you nailed it yeah i i um someone was telling me that there's like odds it was one of you two with like the odds for um dicaprio getting a oscar went from two to one to five to one once people saw that movie um it's a shit it's a shit pretty sure that's why yeah yeah yeah it's it's a shit to your movie that won't be remembered um well i hope you're wrong about that um i was at a i was at a

theater not too long ago watching the previews before the main the main thing and they they accidentally showed the preview for the revenant twice in a row and just from that i'm like this is too long there's no way copies of the preview that's oh yeah well i feel like you got off easy because i watched the whole movie did you watch it after hateful eight before where you were comparing it to hateful eight i saw it before hateful eight god okay well never mind better than it actually was in your mind yeah okay right yeah yeah i i watched it and i was like because in my mind somehow like it's not that the movies are similar but like there's there's some comparisons they both take cold and they take place in cold trees

area and and they both take place in the past and um i won't say anything that's spoilerish but um i was like i don't know these they're both supposed to be magnificent you know they're hyped up as these great things and uh the revenant in my mind just fell wildly short now chis disagrees with me so there's hope out there you know you guys might disagree with me too but um to me i'm gonna see them both in theater i'm definitely to do that 70mm roadshow thing that they're doing in Atlanta. You know, see it in 70mm with the intermission and everything.

I'm excited about that. And I'll do the same thing with Revenant, not that it has some sort of special roadshow type thing, but I'll watch it in theaters too. I'm expecting less now than I was initially. I was hoping that this was going to be a really strong performance from DiCaprio because I'd heard things, you know, buzz, I guess, reading on the movie subreddit that this was going to be a really strong performance from DiCaprio because I'd heard things

buzz, I guess, reading on the movie subreddit that it was supposed to be a good performance, but now I'm going into it with less expectations. I wouldn't say DiCaprio performed poorly. In my head, it's like, well, what the fuck was he supposed to do in that movie?

If people don't know The Revenant, you can tell this much from the previews. He's out in the woods he gets hurt and then he drags himself back to safety and along the way he runs into issues and such uh i don't know if the previews cover more than that so i won't either uh tom hardy was acting very well his acting was great I just feel like this is a fucking very long movie that is a very small plot and

you know that's that so Star Wars once again no spoilers here but Woody and I have seen Star Wars Filthy and Taylor have not seen Star Wars I think it's the best once again no spoilers here I'm not going to talk Woody and I have seen Star Wars. Filthy and Taylor have not seen Star Wars. I think it's the best. Once again, no spoilers here.

I'm not going to talk anything about the plot. But I think it's the best Star Wars movie I've ever seen. I think it's better than any of the previous six films. That being said, there were a few things that bugged me and bothered me. If you were to read online, they bother some other people as well. But overall, very good job. I would give it like a 90 out of 100, something like that. Give us a top movie pick of yours. What would be close to 100 for you?

Lord of the Rings. I feel like the Lord of the Rings trilogy, those are way up there for me. Especially when you're looking at a a saga some big blockbuster movie that he's doing I'm not going to throw something like Independence Day up there I mean that's a blockbuster movie it's a blockbuster movie and it's a fun ride but it's an action flick

Star Wars was better than just something like that it felt big they didn't I'll leave it at that. It felt big. That's where I want to jump in, actually. I liked Star Wars.

I finished it thinking, this is a good movie. I enjoyed it. One thing I'll say, not a spoiler, going spoiler free, the casting of the new characters in Star Wars was outstanding. Good to hear. If you go back to the original six movies, I feel like Han Solo is the only one who I really think of as really well casted. Han Solo played this reluctant star pirate guy

and really nailed the role forever. But Mark Hamill, he know, he wasn't... I didn't love what he did in there. Princess Leia, what's her name? Carrie Fisher. She was good. But there was... I've never loved the casting in Star Wars,

especially if you get to the more current three, the prequels. The casting in this one is the best that they've ever done. So I'm pretty excited about that. But somehow I walked out thinking thinking this is a good movie but i don't feel like it's a cultural icon like i don't see that coming i didn't walk away like oh my god i'm not going to be quoting this star where there is no luke i am your father type thing i i i think that's part of the hype just because you know like if you if you'd seen this in isolation with no like previous history of what the star wars has become in terms of like you know the marketing force it is or whatever i liked it a lot i think it would have been the

next avatar right like avatar is one of the most widely seen movies in the history of ever right and i liked it it was a good movie i walked out of it thinking I just saw a really cool movie and that was a neat thing. But is Avatar a part of American or Western culture? This movie will be. This movie will be. It's got a couple of characters in there that are going to...

The droid, I feel like, is probably going to be your most beloved character that comes out of this thing. There's a couple more, but this thing is going to be huge. Somehow mouse related by chance? What's that? Is that mouse related

in some way by chance? This droid. Not to me. Unrelated. This morning, I opened a box of cereal and poured something out, and a toy came out of it. My girlfriend had picked up some kid's cereal, and I think it was a Star Wars-related toy,

and I could not place what the hell it was. So it was some mouse droid or something. So I was just curious if that was what it was. I got some kind of a weird cereal toy the other day. You look through it, and it's one of those kaleidoscope things. The droid we're talking about is what you might call the new r2d2 i think his name is bb8 and he's a sphere that rolls around you've probably seen it um and he has more personality than you might guess just like r2d2 did yeah yeah very lovable character um and that was what i liked was that was as silly as it got and yeah was like this was not a kid's movie there was blood i saw blood oh that's

a thing yeah so something about star wars and again no spoilers but the way that they portrayed the battle aspect the war of it felt more warish right it was almost like a star wars world war two vibe to it. Whereas when you look at the Ewok battles or even the better stuff, like the first one where – The drone clone fights and stuff like that. So Luke killed the first Death Star in the first movie, right? And there was the big star battle fight, and they're outside of this moon-sized spaceship and and whatever

it all seemed very kid-friendly you know but in this um occasionally a laser blaster would hit dirt and people would go flying and it was grittier and dirtier and what i imagined to be realer i mean we're talking about laser cannons. But it just felt a little scarier and immersive compared to video game-ish. You know, where somehow they can be scary and immersive too. Was there a better feel for the stormtroopers

as far as, in the old ones, it's almost like a Three Stooges kind of act where they're bumbling around and can't get anything done. No, the stormtroopers, they'll come in and wreck your shit. They'll come in and wreck your shit. They'll come in and fuck your shit up. They were a little more human too. What is the current one? It's got to be rated.

It's not going to be an R, right? PG-13. Do we know what the old ones were? PG. I don't even know which one's higher or lower. 13 is higher. PG is like general audiences. It's parental guidance, but they let anybody in there. PG is like general audience's base.

Parental guidance, but they let anybody in there. PG is like Toy Story. I've got some real strong opinions about that whole thing with the MPAA and that whole rating system anyway. That's a bunch of bullshit. That's a real flawed system. I don't think there was a PG-13 when the original Star Wars came out, though.

Yeah, that was definitely introduced during my childhood. What's your big beef? Your biggest beef, I guess. It seems like there's a litany of them the arbitrary process in which they you can't be an r-rated film and be financially successful it's not a thing anymore not not if you want to be a success yeah it almost no films are being made uh are so everything is like a hard pg-13 like like the Batman movies and stuff like that. They're very gritty, and there's a lot of violence in them. What's that new DC comic thing with all the villains in it? Suicide Squad.

That's PG-13. That's a perfect example of a movie that should be R, with titties and multiple fucks, and fucks that mean fuck, because you can say fuck in the movie as long as it doesn't mean fuck. I can say fuck you, but I can't say bend over, I'm going to fuck you. It's different. There's a big difference between the two.

It is different. You're even hearing it. I'm like, ooh, that second one. Yeah. There's a difference. And the amount of fucks you can get in there. Now, the Martian is a weird example of the MPAA either bending over backwards

or just having a weird structured process because it's got two verbal fucks and one implied fuck and one lip read fuck that you can totally see. So it really got as many fucks as you could possibly get in there. They even broke the rule of two auditory auditory Fox is usually are like right there but this one has to fuck that you can get on it's too odd if I fuck sorry all was you get you're allowed one you're allowed one which movie it is but there's one movie that didn't use their fucking just threw it in in the last minute like we can still say one fuck fuck I can't I was at the movie i'm talking about was it the end

i don't know this is the end i'm not sure but but yeah they get one fuck two is an r uh but the martian has two and it's a pg-13 and it's all about the usage and what you mean by fuck you know fuck this fuck that fuck you fuck me please fuck fuck me. They're all different. They're viewed differently. The problem is that it makes everything be PG-13 and you have films that are harder than PG-13 should really be allowing. Then there's this thing

where what parent won't send their kid to a PG-13 movie? You just assume it's good. There's rape in there. There's hard stuff in PG-13 movies now because just assume it's good, but there's, you know, there's rape in there. There's hard stuff in PG-13 movies now, because nobody will be in R, so they'll bend over backwards to get some really adult, really hardcore material squeezed

into a PG-13 format. That's so strange, because I feel like they go the total opposite way in terms of, like, TV shows as opposed to movies, right? Like, you're seeing more and more, like, violence and sexuality, I feel like, in TV shows, and Like you're seeing more and more like violence and sexuality, I feel like in TV shows, and that's kind of more and more acceptable,

especially in like HBO. But then like you hit like the big screens and it's opposite. Well, with HBO and cable, and by cable, I mean everything other than broadcast television, there's no rules out there. They could put straight up porn out there, I'm pretty sure. The broadcast television, it falls under the FCC, and they have their own particular guidelines. But the thing is that all the cable networks fall in line with those

same FCC guidelines to appease their sponsors, the people who are showing advertisements on their networks. So that's why they don't get fined. If TBS or Fox News were to put why you know they don't get fined you know if if tbs or or fox news were to put something crazy out there or say fuck or do anything really they don't get fined it could just make them look bad to their sponsors that's the worst thing that could happen did you say yes so i guess game of thrones is going to be cutting back on a lot of the a terrible idea oh no on this article here game of thrones season six sexual violence to be toned down after outcry over Sansa Stark rape. Outcry over it.

Over this fake rape. I was upset about the rape, but not because it happened, because I didn't like what was happening with the character arc. Right? Sansa was supposed to be becoming strong and becoming a player in this. And instead it set her right back to, you know, earlier seasons where she was a pawn, right? At some point she's supposed to become a queen, not, well, maybe a queen in the, in the show, but I'm really talking about a queen in the chessboard, you know, she's supposed to be a clever person that matters.

That's a difference maker. That someone who you want is your ally who uses her wit and her and how clever she is to you know be a player in the game of thrones and instead there she was again disposable pawn of someone who is a player that was my issue with it um i'm all down for naked chicks more than anything it was an issue because whether they like it or not just so shoehorned in into that situation in that scene it was like they got to the last scene in the episode and they're like fuck we've kind of set a precedent

of something dramatic and we can't just end it right here uh you rape her I guess Ramsey you cool with that well I guess you know we gotta end on a bang well Gene Poole had that role in um the book in the book. Yeah. And I forget the details of it, but it was a lot rougher for her, right?

Yeah, it was a lot more graphic. But the point is that it didn't happen in the book to Sansa like that. And I understand they're taking liberties, but why take liberties that make no sense and don't really add anything? Well, they need to stop worrying about sexual violence outcry. Make sure they got their choreography down. That should be their... They should be working on dialogue sets and choreography.

Don't be worrying about what people are saying about titties and ass and rape. And while you're at it, get some more titties and ass in there. You're just fine with the rape. You've got the perfect amount in there, I feel like. I feel sated. At the end of the night, I'm like, hmm, I got plenty of rape tonight. Good job, Game of Thrones. I'm never wanting more.

You fill me up. It's like a happy medium. Yeah, you fill me up. I don't need any more. But I could use some more titties, some more ass, some better choreography. Did I talk about this image already in the show? I can't remember if we covered it before. Are you linking something?

Yeah. I have to read this. I've never seen this before. Ah, cool. Then I haven't covered it. This is a... Yeah, you should read it out loud then. Yeah, I will.

So, Game of Thrones book versus show. The book. Jaime Lannister, now in command of an army organized to stamp out the last of the Stark supporters, travels through the Riverlands after being tossed aside by the woman he loves. After he travels a country decimated by war, he learns the art of diplomacy and discovers he has a knack for leadership and knowing how to resolve a situation peacefully. Seeing the atrocities caused by the actions of his family makes him develop empathy for those he once fought against.

Being away from King's Landing also makes Jaime reconsider his relationship with Cersei as he finally ceases to become so obsessively dependent on her toxic affection. This journey climaxes in a fate encounter with Brienne of Tarth, bringing his character to a full circle of life or death situation. That's the book. In the show, with comic sans as the font, Jamie and his hilarious sidekick Bran are on a top secret mission to save the princess. If Jamie ever wants to fuck his sister again, he'll need to get her before the evil Arabian beauties known as the Sand Snakes do. There it is. Book versus show.

It was a real mistake. The whole addition of the Sand Snakes. If there's another fight scene even a little reminiscent of that one where they're prancing about that courtyard with ribbons in the next season. I don't know how I'm going to muscle through that and keep watching. That was cringe worthy.

I've read something about some master swordsman they brought on who I think he's portraying a part. I can't remember the... It's the big battle. It's a flashback scene with Ned Stark and all those legendary characters fighting at some tower or something at the end of the Roberts Rebellion. But I think when they reenact that, they've got some master swordsmen to play whoever the uber badass of that group of

of legendary guys is i i'm just a little concerned that their big takeaway from last season was that people are sensitive to the boobs and swords there you know no your big takeaway from last season was the fucking jamie and a hilarious sidekick fought the Sand Snakes to get Cersei's effects. And get out of Dorne. Nothing happened there while you were there. And you shouldn't have been there in the first place. Nope. Hey, when does it come out again?

When does it start seeing episodes? April of what? It's getting to Uncharted territory, though, too, right? I mean, this is like they ripped through the series really quickly in terms of the number of like actual episodes we've seen based on the number like the pages of the books there and they were kind of out of storyline in the books too now so it's kind of like hbo i don't know who knows how much i mean i know they work with martin and a lot of this stuff but who knows how much of his plot line he's sharing with them and how much they wish to use of that so we don't really know where they're going to be going with this right so i wonder if there is some like um

potential just like questioning of where the hell are we going to go with the series now we had kind of a blueprint before and now we're kind of off on our own a little bit and i'm not convinced that like i know jr martin kind of defended it and said hey i was a part of this um but to me i i just feels really fucked up you know it feels like that like I'm not convinced they're going to do a good job with the show now that they left the books. I feel like it has the potential to dive off a cliff. Yeah, that's what I'm concerned about. Even the most recent season.

April 24th. I think that's what I'm... That could be a gift-giving holiday. It could be. It's right before Confederate Memorial Day. I will say that. Right before Arbor Day. It's right after Passover.

Yes, it is. Big segment of our audience is going to be celebrating Passover, I bet. They should buy shirts. We should make shirts for every day. Orthodox Easter coming up. Loyalty Day. Primary Election Day in Indiana.

Did you guys hear about... That is a gift-giving opportunity right there. Did you guys hear about Anthony Cumia? Let's do the read first. Okay. This episode of... Excuse me. This episode of Paint Color Ready is being brought to you by Audible.com.

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trial membership. Just go to audible.com slash pka and choose from over 180,000 downloadable titles. Get your free title now and start listening. It's that easy. Go to audible.com slash pka. My wife just signed up. I'm sorry, I thought you were done.

I was going to say, like Chiz added a little note in here that he's recommending The Martian, which I think is going to win a lot of Oscars this year. I heard that the book is way better than the movie. It's a great book. You've read it? Yeah, I liked it a lot.

Taylor reads some books. He knows how to read. I'm a good reader. I'm a rapid reader. I don't like all the words. He's 22, but he reads on a 24-year-old level. Yeah. I like it.

Look at those enormous balls in the background behind Woody. Jesus Christ. What do we see? Your dog. Oh, you're looking at a different camera. Let me see if I can show the show. No, it's fine. My wife calls him Truck Nuts.

That's his nickname. Good old Truck Nuts. They won't be around too much longer. I think a little while, though, like another nine months at least. That's a shame. Let them keep them. No. I think a little while though. Another nine months at least. That's a shame. Let him keep them. No. I don't know.

I'm going to keep one. Compromise. Make him choose which one though. I mean, it's a perfect compromise. Are you going to get him those fake testicles so his self-esteem won't be damaged? Neutracles? I don't think so. think come on man get him some big ones get him some like gigantic

ones yeah get him some like ribbed ones you fuck my ears up you can at least fix my balls my wife wants to have plastic surgery on the dog's ears i think that is the most ridiculous idea and he's a family dog he's not a show dog he's just his only that is the most ridiculous idea. He's a family dog. He's not a show dog. His only job is to love us. I think he's more lovable with one good ear. What's wrong with his ears? Here, ender. Come here. Show everybody your fault.

Show everybody your ears. Show them. So one ear tends to like, he holds it funny. Now he can do it right. I don't know if he will. Hears up, hears up. Hello.

I see how happy you are, but I don't see your ears. He's supposed to hold them like spiky up. And if you get him like curious about something, he will. He puts them both up. But in the resting position, this this one right here it just kind of flips over look at here oh is that a problem for like his health or something no no it doesn't look appropriate though oh my god he's climbing up on me for who for what well they already you know had the dog's ears operated on the one time to get this look and they're not getting it well sorry well they weren't gonna but what he was like i want my dog to look right god damn ears operated on the one time to get this look and they're not getting it well exactly sorry

well they weren't gonna but woody was like i want my dog to look right god damn and they were like he's too young he's too young and he was like i got my box cutter right here and he got out his little little multi-tool and just went to carving and this is what was left hopefully there was a day in the life of woody when he did this uh we when we bought him he was three or four months old and he was, I guess being bred to show and stuff like that. And they clipped his ears. I think we didn't think of it at the time, but it might be one of the reasons that they decided to sell him was that the cropped ear thing wasn't going right. So we got them.

Jackie continued on with the cropped ear thing wasn't going right. So we got him. Jackie continued on with the cropped ear thing for months, and it just didn't set right. Yeah, he had these braces on them that made him look like an antenna or something. He had these two white casts that looked like an alien from that Robin Williams TV show or whatever, Mork and Mindy or whatever. He just had them both standing up like... He's not doing it. Sorry, I have two cameras

so you guys aren't getting the same view that... You're making a spectacle out of me. He was perfect and now you're floppy. You've got a floppy ear. You do. Link in the description check out audible yeah really love them as a sponsor get yourself a free book

downloaded and if you've never tried audiobooks I don't think I had much audiobook experience other than like in school when maybe they played one and I actually liked that back in the day but like I love listening to the game of thrones yeah anything that you do where you can multitask it's so nice like I would cut grass listening to it I'd drive listening to the Game of Thrones. Yeah, anything that you do where you can multitask, it's so nice.

Like I would cut grass listening to it. I'd drive listening to it. Love the audiobook format. My wife signed up because she's going to Jersey, right? She's going to Jersey to visit some family, take care of her mom. And she just really wanted it. And she called on the way, and she's like, it is so much better. It's changing the entire dynamic of the long drive.

So audible.com. Check them out. Oh, slash PKA. I think so. Audible.com slash PKA. That part's important. We want our cut, god damn it. We don't actually get a cut.

We just want them to be happy. We want them to know that. We want them to know that we're sending you over there. Exactly. So give us some credit. Hell, click on it right now. Just let them know that you took a look. I'm not even sure if that helps us,

but it won't hurt us. Can't hurt. Unless it's like, wow, tons of people from the PKA crowd. Nobody's buying. A lot of window shoppers over there. So you guys was bringing up before, which you seamlessly transitioned from talking about books to audiobooks which was good and now uh the anthony cumia thing oh right i so here's the

background his girlfriend was doing a periscope video. I haven't done Periscope, but I understand it to be almost like a live Twitch. Twitch is live too. Like an everyday Twitch where you just sort of film yourself doing stuff, you know? Share like a video version of Instagram or Snapchat or something. Anyway, so she was doing a Periscope video,

and to my untrained eye, it looked like she was pretending he was beating her um at one point she's like you know don't hit me and then seconds later he had teleported 30 feet away and he's laughing the whole time like he wasn't there was no angry kind of like attack mode uh well they were both clearly pretty drunk in the video and i didn't pick up on that her yeah they were very clearly both drunk and she like was saying at first like you need to pay for my fucking broken hand like holding her hand up showing that it was broken and then she like started moving a hand around in a way that you can't move when your hand is broken. You can't be making fists and moving around and shaking it unless it's like, oh, this agony.

Did it look swollen to you, the hand? Not even a little, no. Not at all. We should find the clip for Filthy. I'm afraid that we shouldn't show it. I need to see this clip if I'm going to be... I don't know if I want to put it on my channel. Okay. Look on your own real quick, Filthy. I don't know if I want to put it on my channel.

Look on your own real quick, Filthy. It's like Anthony Cumia, Danny Golightly video periscope. So he's dating this girl and she was accusing him of hitting her in this video. The hit to me was very clearly fake and it discredits so much more. He's like, I will pay you. Just go. Just leave. I don't want you here.

And he was arrested for domestic abuse, I guess, and charged. And I swear, if she hadn't done what I'll call the video proof with my air quotes, for those of you listening to audio, I would see someone arrested in charge of domestic abuse and think, I tend to assume they're guilty. You know, even before I'm the other way,

like I always assumed that I was like, wonder what she did. But because I like, I feel like now she's outed herself as a little bit of the crazy and already faked a hit on video now she's you know if you if i call and say domestic abuse the police are going to come and arrest somebody every time and nine times out of ten it'll be the dude like all you have to do is say domestic abuse and they'll get the ball rolling you know what i would do this is i guess i'm outing myself i'll never be able to do this for real but like

if i had an actually abusive like girlfriend like let's say she could you know she couldn't beat me up and hold me down and like really manhandle me but she'd throw a punch she'd like sucker punch me occasionally and rough me up i think i would injure myself i think i'd really like fuck myself up good and and let and uh and claim domestic abuse on her i i that that'd be a nice little turn of the tables uh i feel like i don't know what happened that day um but i know what happened in that periscope video was some bullshit so i uh yeah i instantly assumed that he probably didn't do it uh yeah that video did not help her at all it made the whole thing make her look like she was fibbing and like the whole hand thing made it even worse where it was like like at least pick a different injury that you could

fake more easily if you're gonna do it you know like i'm not saying he didn't like do something else but she clearly didn't have a broken hand. Yeah, and I mean, I know the kind of ladies that Anthony dates and associates with. On PKA, he said he likes them crazy. Yeah, he's dating

that one girl who's like 17 or 18 or something like that. He likes non-traditional crazy situations. So I found it unlikely that he would hit her. It seemed more likely that he'd be dating somebody crazy enough to pretend like

he hit her. You want to restart the call? Because I can't see shit. I'm right there with you. I cannot see anyone as well. There's a message on my screen that you guys can't see that says you need Skype I cannot see anyone as well. Hmm. Yeah, that's just... There's a message on my screen that you guys can't see that says you need Skype premium to make a group video call.

Thing is, I have that and that's not fair to me. But yeah, I guess we'll restart the call and get the video back. Okay. Ah, now you're all seeing the combo. And hang up on shoes and it'll be back alright yeah and it'll go dark for a minute and then come back out hopefully

yeah I can see Woody and Taylor now I can see Kyle I can see Taylor and Filthy I can see everyone but Filthy so we're all getting a piece I'm with Kyle I see Taylor and Filthy. So we're all getting a piece. Yeah. I'm with Kyle. I see Taylor and Filthy.

Oh, Kyle, you don't see me. Let me go back to the chat. No, I don't see you. And I don't see you. Oh, you're missing out. Yeah, I grew a beard. It won't last much longer. I talked to Jackie about it. I tried to make a pitch.

I said, this thing's really looking good. And subscribers really love it. But I have a beard shaving video concept that I think i'm gonna go with cool i want kyle to forge ahead with his unless i can't tell already no already shaved no it's yeah i felt like we talked about all you know having something for this show and kyle took a step back i think yeah yeah i'm not interested in that that's gross i it's i don't want that. It gets itchy. I can feel it kind of curling around my lip. It's just gross. I'm not into it.

You've got to power through the itchy stage. Trim your lip, man. I feel like this part on me might look better if I had a defined line instead of just my whatever I have now. I feel like I grow a beard totally for different reasons. For me, it's low maintenance. It's not skin irritation of shaving. I don like I grow a beard totally for different reasons and for me it's low maintenance, right? It's not

skin irritation of shaving. I don't want to be bothered with shaving regularly. It's fine and easy. It's fucking cold in Illinois in the winter. All these things are perfect beard reasons. I don't want to be defining the look of my beard by trimming shit regularly. It's just not worth it. Well, you have to trim like you have to trim here

because otherwise it'll just grow up goddamn close to my eyes. He'll just become a beard. He't trim today and there's like stubble all up here shave your eyelids get them in working order otherwise taylor's one of those circus freak wolf men and And if he doesn't shave, it just all the way. All the way. Straight down. I shave my neck so it looks a little better.

But I find that to be pretty easy to do, and that's all I've done. Yeah, that takes no time. Something about the hairs on my chin. Like most of my hairs lay down or maybe even curl. The chin would just be all about that. So I just shorten them a touch well you know the gray looks very distinguished i like it my wife would disagree with you strongly i know what's her opinion matter

yeah honey this is for work the you know all my clients love it you know all the people who watch it yeah yeah it's good get what you get so yeah whatever what are everyone's holiday plans what are you doing different this year oh by the can i i really like the peak i was just no go ahead go ahead i'm really curious what you were thinking i stole the pka american apparel track jacket and i really liked it i was like oh that's cool i like that it's got kind of like a raised neck type thing. We did some good merch, baby. Yeah. If you share the URL, people out there,

we're using painkilleralready.net. That way, if we ever go beyond Spreadshirt, maybe sell some other things, then we have a URL that we own and we can grow. If we just link the Spreadshirtshirt one then we'll always be linked to just one uh vendor and stuff so yeah anyway link in the description if you're interested in merch what were you what were you just talking about other than merch holiday plans i believe

holiday plans yeah i was asking what everyone was doing for uh for you know the the birthday of Christ? Well, obviously church. I don't believe you. My parents are church. Something that you don't already do every day. It's true. I'm very involved in the local youth groups. A lot of singing and hand raising pretty regularly.

I don't know. I guess just give presents and then all my venison should finally be fucking done from the butcher's place so I'll get like my 50 or 60 pounds of deer meat to eat and probably get sick of over the course of the next couple months. And I really

don't buy people presents other than like my girlfriend and parents. What did you get your girlfriend? I got her a very nice cast iron pan and some perfumes. Seasoned or unseasoned? Unseasoned. We're going to season it on our own.

How much of a lazy piece of shit do you have to be to have somebody else cook in your new pan? Used fucking cookware. You want your jeans pre-worn? No. I'd rather be the first pair of legs and genitals in there. You want your jeans pre-worn? No. No, I'd rather be the first pair of legs and genitals in there. Who doesn't get pre-washed jeans, though?

No, pre-worn. I hear you, but just saying. Pre-washed is different. Like, they don't, like, have, you know, a kid from Cambodia run around in them for a while, and then they throw it in the washing machine. Like, they just wash it and then send it off to you. That would be pretty cool, though.

I think that's a new business idea. Right? Diversifying. Yeah, just Cambodian worn jeans. They, you know, like, yeah, I want you to go out there, play some soccer. Really fuck these things up. We'll sell them. People love it.

Yep. We'll start our own brand. Third World Denim. Perfect. That sounds fun. What about you, Woody? Everybody's coming back to morrow i guess right uh yeah they were scheduled to come back today jackie's taking care of her mom uh it's a little bumpy so she's staying longer uh i think she'll come back tomorrow and uh then we're doing christmas here and my parents are coming to visit just after Christmas.

We haven't even talked to them. I needed to get them dates. I just got them from Jackie yesterday. We're talking about 26th to 29th. And they'll stay in the guest house. Do you have special food plans? Like, do you have, like, a big Christmas meal that you do every year? She does some sort of giant turkey.

Because she's staying longer than she expected to, that's at risk. She's like, I don't even know if it'll defrost or something. You should be the hero. Get the turkey, you're saying? You should deep fry that thing. You should deep fry a turkey. It's the best way. It's so delicious.

The skin on the outside is crispy and delicious, and the meat is just juicy, and it's wonderful. And all you got to do is get that little propane cooker, and it's super easy. It's like two instructions. I did it, and i can honestly say i did a really good job i was when i got the bird out i was like yes i wanted this it's perfect so so i pictured putting a frozen bird into a cauldron of boiling oil some sort of explosive thing happens and everyone's injured is that you don't want to go no. You're missing a Russian voice going in,

a fake Russian voice in the background. It's an explosion. There you go. You're going to ruin my kitchen. Turn the fucking house down. So you definitely want to defrost the bird first, not fry a frozen bird. So you're saying take it out of the package, right?

Yeah, you take the bag of goo out, the giblets and all, and you preheat your oil, and you just lower them in there for X amount of minutes per pound. And when you pull it out, it's done. You just put it on the tray, and it's done. And it's not that long, lengthy process. Normally when you cook a turkey, it's all day, like three or four hours. This is like 20 minutes or something.

And it's perfect when it comes out. I literally thought it was like two and a half minutes. No. You know, it's like a 10, 12-pound turkey or something. It's a big bird. You've got to cook it. You've got to get in there deep. French fries take, you know, four or five minutes.

You've got to get in there deep. And I picture doing it outside on like a cement slab because it's messy and dangerous and shit, right? You don got to get in there deep. I picture doing it outside on a cement slab because it's messy and dangerous and shit, right? You don't do this in the kitchen. I don't understand why you're doing turkey in the first place this soon after Thanksgiving. Aren't you kind of turkied out? Move on, dude. I am ready to reload, baby.

It's the best turkey you'll ever have. It's much better than any kind of baking and marinade or anything like that. Where do you buy this cauldron of hot oil? This sounds perfect for the man who hates the organic trend. This is the exact full turnaround on this.

This is like a fuck whole foods kind of movement right now with this. You want peanut oil? You definitely want peanut oil. You need like three gallons of something that comes in a big chunk. And Walmart sells all the tools I need for this? Yeah.

Of course they do. You've got this really tall. Do they have it at Dick's Sporting Goods? Or Carabella's? What is that other place? Cabela's. Cabela's. The pot is like, it's big.

It's got a turkey fryer pot. So it's like this big around and it's very tall. Much taller than any normal pot. What can you use these materials for when you're not deep frying entire turkeys? Deep frying other birds. Snickers bars. I fry things a lot.

I'm really into frying things. Maybe fry catfish. You can fry catfish for everyone if you did that. You can do a whole bunch of fried chicken. Catfish and could do a hush puppies yeah hush puppies really good can you fry up a uh twinkie you can i've done it before it's a real piece of shit no deep fried twinkie you batter it and uh you mix up pancake batter you batter it in that fry that thing for like 60 seconds oh it's so fucking good because the Twinkie on the inside gets all melty and gooey you can fry anything I've fried can you deep-fry cotton candy cuz I got a I got a craving I think you can

But you stick a stick in the Twinkie so you've got a little handle for it like a little cake pop But you stick a stick in the Twinkie, so you've got a little handle for it, like a little cake pop. It's really, really good. I've deep fried all the little Debbie snacks, you know, the oatmeal cream pies and the Christmas tree cakes. What's the oil disposal process like? You reusing this stuff a lot? Well, it depends what you do. If I cook something that I feel like would contaminate the oil, like fish, then that's got to go.

But I feel like if I'm just doing French fries, like potatoes and onions, I feel like that oil can last for a while, a couple of weeks. Let's just dump it down the nearest storm drain, right? Right down my drain, right down the sink. So I turn the water on extra hot, right, and let it run for a second. And then I get the big container of oil, like two gallons worth. And then I get a thing of dish detergent in the other hand, and I pour them simultaneously. What do you really do? I'm telling you what I really do.

Oh, no! I just put lots of that dish detergent in there, so that helps it go down. It goes down smoother that way. That's the economy, because the next call is straight to the plumber. No, I've been doing this for years. No issues. No none whatsoever, and you know maybe run a little Because it's not okay

Let me just a couple drops of dawn and now You know like you're a mad scientist Just momentarily. Can you clarify? It's an awful idea. You know, like you're a mad scientist and you're talking to something that's half done and half... This cuts the grease. Who did that? I've had no plumbing issues in years of doing this.

It's getting stuck away. It's gone. It's leaving. You have a septic system, right? No, no. It's sewer. Oh, well that changes things a little bit. Yeah, it might be gone. I think I do. I have a septic system.

There's a septic field out there somewhere I can't drive my tractor on. And that would just be clogging it and causing trouble. Yeah, I know what else will is condoms. Condoms will clog that thing right up too. You don't want to flush those, either. Yeah, they don't go in there. Or even the wet wipes and stuff.

I've never been in a hotel. I've flushed those condoms. I'm like, fuck you. I hope something goes wrong. Fuck you. Just... Do you ever fill it with a little bit of water and then flush it? Why would I do that? What would it do? I don't know. I just figure, like, I've never done that, but it seems like it would mess things up a bit more.

Like, it's... Send the shit in him and freeze him and flush him, you know? What are we talking about right now? Flushing toilets? Oh, yeah, it does seem like if you had an inflated balloon, that would somehow make it worse. I think I saw something on 4chan where the guy was, like, shitting into condoms and freezing

and then fucking himself with it or something like that. You know, he'd take the shit, the frozen shit out of the condom before he fucked himself with it of course because what's the point of safe sex at that point but you know what's horrific is i i know what you're talking about i don't i'm thankfully i have seen glad i didn't just imagine that because i've worried that would work right yeah does anybody else do, Kyle, do you do turkey as well for your Christmas? So I'm home alone for Christmas, I think. I think I'm all by myself, not going to do anything at all. I'll probably, like, the day before,

you know what I might do? You do live minutes from your parents, so I can understand your feeling of isolation. Yeah. Dude, I remember holidays. Steer clear. I'll steer clear. No, I'm not going over there.

We don't even have a Christmas tree up. Doing nothing. No gifts this year. Oh, Kitty got me these rocking ass sweatpants. These fallout sweatpants. I love those. She got me a t-shirt that says, I'm not lazy. I just really love doing nothing.

My girlfriend gave me a little everyday carry little gadget thing. Little knife and scissors and junk. And that'll be it. That's all I'll get. I'm going to give my dad one of those shotguns, one of those $1,300 shotguns or whatever. That'll be his Christmas present and nobody else gets anything. I might get Kitty

something and I guess I'll have to get my girlfriend something but I haven't yet. It'll just be like, I got this at the gas station. It's a crystal unicorn. I thought of you. Right now, I've got nothing. gas station. Yeah, it's a crystal unicorn. Yeah, I thought of you. But right now I've got nothing. And I don't know what I'm going to do as far as food. I'm going to have to.

I'm taking a major risk in my Christmas giving. So check this out. I buy Jackie's presents. And then Jackie buys the rest of our responsibilities. Right. So I'm responsible for her. And then she handles everything else. Well don't know what she wanted she wanted a cape and she was supposed to like help me choose it she had a very particular she wears capes and she looks good in them like she rocks it wait what

wait she's wearing a cape like a superhero or like a villain perhaps who am i to judge like they're um you should if you saw it you'd love it you'd be like that's fucking stylish it looks really good so debatable in a cape it is like man just like I must be imagining something different yeah like the thing that hangs off your shoulders like fucking super except that it's not

worn that way it's more let me see if I can find a picture I tell you how to go to the side like Magneto. I understand. That's Bela Lugosi you're thinking of. That's more of a veil type thing. Not that. Like a cape, also like a matador style thing that she just wears about.

You guys are funny. But no no it's a really good look and she kills it and she kills it yeah she does here link me to a picture of this you know next week she's gonna be on this show wearing a cape she has to be right i can't find the exact we should all have capes next week. PKA capes. This is something in the cape family that she might wear. We need PKA capes. Get on it.

I gotta move this thing. I keep putting it. So this is like... This is the Game of Thrones thing again. I don't see anything. I must not have copied it right. There.

Oh, that's the thing. What the fuck? It is... Nope. Is this a cake? Did you bone up with Kyle's guide to copying before the show? That's exactly what happened. Now he's dragging it out.

I'm so... Ah, I lost my thing. Here, this is a different link. There we go. Cake coats for women. Oh Yeah, this is a different lake there we go Coats for women no no no you fuck off She looks great If she lured children into her home. Is he giving Harry Potter good grades because he's having a hard time? She looks like she teaches at the Hogwarts School for Witchcraft.

Look you, I love it. I think she looks, I think it's so much better than like a normal winter coat. And she doesn't feel constricted. Like, you know. Of course not. It doesn't have. Which house was she assigned to in her school years? I think also helpful for superheroes, right? Changing quickly from your normal...

David Claw. So, and like when you wear a winter coat, you know, you kind of feel like the Michelin man, you know? Like it's bulky. Kyle's from Georgia. He's giving me a funny look. But if you wear a northerner's winter coat, like a ski... You don't have the same flexibility. you get into your car and you're just bigger than you're really supposed to be a cape on the other hand it's like loose and flexible

this is literally a seinfeld episode remember the guy who wore the cape it's and she looks stylish in them i swear swear, she rocks a cape. You guys don't know. I think I've seen her in a cape before, but it's not a full-on cape like superhero. It's more of like a baggy, flowing top situation. More of like a Mexican blanket top. Like a poncho. Poncho seems kind of close. I don't know how to describe it.

To be fair, the picture he's linked us has something in the front, too. Is she a magician? You never know. There is a front aspect to it. It's a thing that would compete with a winter coat. I couldn't go near parks if I wore something like that without

the police being called. That looks maniacal. She looks great in them. I'm too much easy access in in them. I will defend her forever. Too much GZ axis in the front, right? I think you're going to trigger some warning bells wandering around in this. You've shown the picture to the stream, right?

Of what this is? Here's another one. It came to my mind. I'm sorry that link is so ginormous. It's from the Seinfeld episode with Larry David wearing the cape. This is something that she might wear too. Yes. I will look at Kyle's.

Like Dracula. Capes are way cooler than you guys are giving it credit for. Capes are awesome. She wanted a cape, but she had a particular style she wanted. She wanted the inside to be like, I'll call it like, not fur, but like the puffy, cottony, billowy sort of liner that you might get inside something cozy. No? Yes. Yeah. She wanted that on the interior, so it was a really sort of warm cape.

That's what she was doing. Yeah, so you want like all the style of a cape and all the heat retention of her bag yeah yeah it's like dude you know it's really warm in here just imagine you took a big bag with a hole in it and you just jerked it down over your head jackie picked up jackie picked up colin from parkour class and the the instructors there you have to understand these guys are really cool right all of them are fucking like 10 out of 10s in looks. They're like practically professional athletes teaching people to do parkour. And they saw Jackie and they're like, that is awesome. What is it that you're wearing?

And she's like, you know, he's like, what do I call that? And she's like, it's a cape. And they're like, no way. Really? It's a cape? They made it better. You know, you're all two years behind me. Come 2018, Cape City. They can jump off of roofs and then glide to safety. They made it better. You know? You're all two years behind me.

Come 2018, Cape City. They can jump off of roofs and then glide to safety. It's going to mic over your parkour. Is it stab proof? Is it fire and flame proof? Like, I'm going to need some abilities that come along before I start rocking a cape. What do you want that special material for? I was supposed to add a cape to her array of capes, right? Let's get it right now!

Picture a closet with a bunch of cape choices that she chooses from on the daily. And she was supposed to help me find it. She really didn't come through. So here's the thing. She wears a Fitbit. She's actually lost a bunch of weight recently. And she wears a Fitbit and she loves it, but she has has the cheapest one she won it as like a prize for doing something and uh i bought her the good fitbit for christmas but that is a very dangerous present for a man to

get a wife for christmas like exercise equipment um yeah yeah a vacuum cleaner that that i got my girlfriend a pan you're right there with me you're i too like to live dangerously though so she'll like that um yeah let's let's find the cape right now for woody's woody's wife and you have to get it whatever one the group decides on as long as it's not like 600 i'm way ahead of you here he's already ordered what's funny is it's on the way hold on a second i i want to and would it be fair to have chis model it first chis isn't there anymore chis moved back home to uh sacramento oh i see there anymore she has moved back home to Sacramento I think you should get her a couple of affordable capes that are almost like like gag gifts okay okay

here's the challenge I have found I've got pretty close to what she actually wants but the thing is they're not for humans really dear god what are they for is it a lampshade like what did you find dog coats you found a dog coat like i think this is pretty close to the style that she's looking for i don't yes no i don't think so at all because it's for a small dog. No, that would look great with Jackie's hind legs. I like that belly strap. She's going to really appreciate that. It's a bit nice and snug on those long winter walks.

So if we could find something in this family that's not geared towards small dogs, that would be great. What's wrong with you? Yeah, this is something I've never even considered as something people would do, is wear

capes in this era. In this day and age. Not even like, man, back in the 60s In this day and age. Not even like, man, back in the 60s I could have understood. I'm talking like maybe in Transylvania 400 years ago. This is the shilling fleece dog winter coat cape. We're so so far beyond.

I think you should absolutely get it. I'm about to drive you to parkour! This thing doesn't even appear to be for sale. This is in a store. Oh, Woody, the knife comes with this one oh i hope it literally says costumes uh some of these actually are kind of nice yeah my picture's not loading all right he's a child in a superman costume um

I'm looking for what you're describing yeah help me find it we'll order it even if it comes late I'm googling dog clothes for women oh now you're gonna get into some kinky stuff you keep going down that road you see the fake paws

and stuff like that keep digging you'll get there uh yeah this is a rabbit hole that I don't want to delve into I'm gonna quit that fake paws and stuff like that. Keep digging. You'll get there. Yeah, this is a rabbit hole that I don't want to delve into. I'm going to quit that. Yeah, that's... Man, what a left turn. Capes. Here's a faux rabbit fur cape.

Very unique. Would you come... All right, so Kyle's still working on that link. Now, has she always been into capes, or is this something that you had to pretend to be okay with recently? They look good. They look great. She listens to the show, huh?

She's been wearing a cape for a while. People report back to her. No, she doesn't listen to the show, but stuff gets to her. I see, I see. 10-4. Let's find her a wonderful cape. If my girlfriend started wearing a cape, I would start making her

carry in all the groceries and just doing all the superhero things needed around the house. I think you guys are really missing out on an awesome fashion cape thing here. You're just not getting it.

I searched warm capes on Amazon, and I'm scrolling through this shit show here. Let's see stylish capes. There's an opportunity here to look like a Native American. I saw that. I didn't think she'd like the Southwestern ones. No. Like she was supposed to be out on the Pueblo

or hammering out some corn tortillas or something. Very migrant worker. I'm going to safely say this wasn't what I thought I'd be doing this evening. Yeah, you know, Filthy comes on the show beforehand and he's like, what are we going to talk about? I think there's a certain level of anxiety

that he feels unprepared. He wants to make sure that he can be his best. And yeah, this went totally unplanned. It turns out that women's capes are just really not my area of expertise. Who would have thought? Not bringing anything to the table here. I don't know. There's some

nice capes here. Oh my god. I searched for woman's capes and it tells me to search in pet supplies instead yeah I saw that I clicked it and it looked like what you needed but once again it was on a dog yeah I found one that kind of looks like the dog one

well you could I mean you could pioneer some stuff here and look at dog sizing like that like down like I'm pioneering some stuff here and look at dog sizing. What's that material called? That, like, down, like... Are you thinking of fleece? Yes. Kyle, check the link I just put in. Check out this remarkably stylish Missani cape

for the low, low price of $1,362. There you go. Hook her up with that. That's more than we had in mind. I think that's a great one. How about you just get your money back from that thief who didn't give you your wood and put it straight into the cape fund? I can't believe this is a thing.

Or that every one of these capes is over $1,000. On Amazon, they're all under $100. Yeah. Except for the high-end ones, which are $100. L.com, E-L-L-E.com slash fashion. A Valentino wool cape for $10,000. It keeps pointing me in the direction of pet supplies.

Yep, yep. You can sit back there for some reason. So when did the cape thing arise um it's been a couple years now she's been wearing capes but i'm telling you guys are off target on this so i've definitely seen her wear something like a cape and i remember fashion model in them and i remember thinking that it looked good that and it struck me as something unusual but you know i wasn't going to spend a lot of time thinking about what she's wearing And I remember thinking that it looked good, and it struck me as something unusual, but you know, I wasn't going to spend a lot of time thinking about what she's wearing or what, but I just, there is something in my head.

I remember like maybe when I was there, she was wearing something that I was like, oh, what's that? That's kind of a thing. Oh, okay. Nevermind. But yeah, it looked fine, I guess. When you say cape though, I- You picture Wonder Woman.

I picture Bela Lugosi or, you know, I want to suck your blood. You know, with a long cape thrown up over his face and everything. Is there a lot like ponchos? Who's the chick from 101? Cruella DeVille. Yeah. I'd fuck her. Oh, it is very Cruella DeVille-esque.

Yeah. She needs a... If we could get a Dalmatian cape, maybe that would be good. I just don't understand. Because if you would have showed me this design for women's clothing I would have just immediately assumed like, oh, this is for heavy women who have the physique

of like a grain silo and they kind of need to give some shape to it. Not for a thin, trim woman like Jackie. That didn't strike me as the kind of person who would wear that. She looks good in them. She likes them. And she finds them more comfortable to wear than a winter coat,

which is a little bit restrictive. Next time she's home and we're doing the show, we should get a little bit of cape viewing. You know? How many capes? Over or under five do you think she has? I feel like going with this, like alternative outerwear pattern,

like maybe get her one of those scarves that's like 18 feet long and wraps around you like four times and it's that wide so you're really just wearing like a bed sheet by the time it's over. Lenny Kravitz does that.

I saw that. That's exactly what I was thinking of. Yeah. Whenever I go out, Kitty needed me to drive her to the gas station the other night. And it was like 20 degrees outside or something like that. So before I went out, I took my shemagh and wrapped it around my head.

And I took an entire sleeping bag and just threw it over my shoulders. And I drove to the gas station like that. Looking like a complete terrorist, actually, now that I think about it. Because it must have been 47, maybe even 45. It was cold. There was ice. There was ice. You know, there was ice out, you know. I was in my pajamas and I didn't want to get dressed, so

you know. It actually did get cold the other day. I watched, um, the night I went to Star Wars. I think it hit like 25 here or something like that. Very cold when I was there. Like, we were sprinting through the parking lot on the way back. It was so fucking cold outside that theater. It's hot. Today's low is 64. Tomorrow way back. It was so fucking cold outside that theater.

It's hot. Today's low is 64. Tomorrow is 67. It's not that cold. I miss North Carolina. Christmas is, what is it, three days from now? High of 74 for Christmas or high of 77? Nice. It's a little warm.

Global warming. It's hard to say global warming it feels like no matter what weather phenomenon you're experiencing that's not proof of global warming like if there's a giant hurricane right now they'll be like nope that's not global warming if it's freezing outside if it's freezing outside no being cold outside is not proof of global warming or proof of not global warming being hot in december not proof of global and nothing is it or it'll be the complete other side where it's like oh hailing in july uh global warming at work when it's like well maybe it doesn't necessarily mean that you know

like all i can remember from being like i i know it's like climate change it's a real thing i think like pretty positive but back when i was like i don't know 12 or 13 learning about it's like climate change. It's a real thing. I think like pretty positive. But back when I was like, I don't know, 12 or 13, learning about it and like classes where it was like by the year 2008, you know, fucking Georgia all the way to Atlanta is going to be underwater. If we don't stop using hairspray. And it was like, well, fuck, like the whole world's going to change. And then like that date comes and it's like, you know maybe we exaggerated a bit like maybe it was you know all the way to atlanta or eight feet like in who knows when i was a kid it wasn't global warming um and and look like you i get global warming it's a real thing it seems like you can't deny the fact that it's getting warm some people will deny whether or not it's human caused,

but the warming thing, that's just fact. When I was a kid, they drilled acid rain into your head. They're like, oh my God, acid rain, acid. It was all about acid rain. And they're like, yeah, by the year like 1995, you're going to need like protective clothing because the acid will burn shit. Capes, perhaps. And landfills were filling up.

Oh my god. Landfills filling up was... I thought this was going to be a much bigger part of my daily life and that we would all have personal landfills in the backyard and stuff. Well, I mean, it is New Jersey. You're not too far from it. Fair point.

I mean, everywhere doesn't have piles of stinky trash. I hated stuff like that as a kid. It over-sensationalized it, and it got in your head. I was convinced when I was nine years old that the way I would die would be at the age of 14 from killer bees, Africanized bees, who crossed the ocean and found their way into St. Louis. And then I would be playing around and then just like five.

Yeah. They made a big deal out of that. See that they were migrating and they kept showing like the map. So there was a movie called killer bee nightmare and it comes on Fox at like 8 PM. You know, it goes off at 10, my bedtimes at nine. I got to beg to finish this thing off, but I want to see like 8 p.m. You know, it goes off at 10. My bedtime's at 9.

I gotta beg to finish this thing off. But I wanna see the nightmare conclude, right? So I think it was maybe even a two-part thing, like maybe four hours, the killer bee nightmare. It was a long nightmare. But I remember at the end of it, they show this map of North America. And you see like, they're like 1986.

And you see like this red area in Mexico and Southica after whatever that science experiment that created the africanized honeybees and then it just keeps growing and getting getting closer and closer to the to the southwest and it's texas and alabama and it's southern georgia and they're like by this time next year and it's like they're gonna kill us next year they're gonna kill us that's what the map says like they'll be here we're in the red zone they're coming you crank a lawnmower you fart too loud they're coming they're coming they'll swarm you and they'll sting you and your whole family to death and like that's what it felt like and i remember

that exact graphic they used for what you're talking about and like it was it's so misleading because it was like like the democrat and republican graph of like red like a swath of red going across the... You know in the beginning of Lord of the Rings when Sauron's conquering and you see the map and it's like, and the elves fell before Sauron and it's showing everything like devastation.

I was imagining that across the whole ocean, like miles and miles of nothing can be seen but bees. We'd be looking up one day, playing basketball and be like it's happening and then just blot out the sun and just yeah like blotting out the sun oh i was so convinced that was gonna be how i died killer bees yeah that was a big fear for me when i was in like the fourth grade and uh and i remember like i can still remember kindergarten like one of my few memories from kindergarten class was them talking about uh was them talking about global warming and uh and a big deal was made of it way

back then in 1991 i guess it would have been but i believe in global warming i think it's a thing uh but but but what's what's awful is that there are people who go back and forth and there's so much money at play that maybe we are being lied to in some sort of huge global conspiracy and it's not really a thing, but probably not, right? Probably. It seems like there's a lot of money involved in lying to us and saying it's not a conspiracy. I feel like there's money both ways, though.

I feel like there's a group of people who would love to take more and more power based on some sort of proposed boogeyman out there. But there's also a group of people that want to keep polluting and keep making their billions. And they've got the, you know, they're also, they're going the other way.

You know, they would like us to believe that it's all made up, so. It seems like it's always been overblown with, like, what's going to happen. Like, every, if you go back 10 years, there's people, like, predicting the end times It seems like it's always been overblown with what's going to happen. If you go back 10 years, there's people predicting the end times of like, oh, and all of the fucking ice on the planet is going to be gone. Sea levels are going to rise like crazy.

The U.S. is going to be the size of fucking Montana, the last holdout. And none of those extreme things happen. And so naturally, it's a boy who criedwolf situation where you still have to be like, yeah, stuff like this is happening. But now when they come out with new extreme situations, you're just like, okay, I'm going to take that with a grain of salt because you've been wrong every other time with these sensationalized things.

It's 77 degrees on Christmas. I'm sure that's not proof of global warming for some reason. Seems warm to me I'm not complaining if it really is happening it seems like it's going to take so fucking long after we're dead before it really comes to a head I think we're all good like fuck everybody else right like hey worst case scenario

like where I live becomes beachfront property like that doesn't sound like a bad thing that sounds like a great thing. The property values are going to skyrocket. I'm going to be a shipping port. Come on. It'd be great. Filthy agrees. I'm biting my tongue over here.

I'm just not going to say anything. None of us are educated on this. I'm not hugely educated on it either, but I don't think there's any real discussion of whether or not this is a thing or not. This is absolutely a thing. Anytime you read any science about it, it suggests that this is happening. We're all on that page.

And they're right at which it happens. I don't know how much Christian science you've read, my friend. What kind of science? My buddy, Mr. Huckabee, has got a cool link. Christian science, he said. Oh, no, I heard him. I was just making sure I heard him right. Yeah, they... Like, it's definitely happening,

like, from what... I mean, the consensus with scientists, I guess. It's just, I don't think it's as huge a deal with these catastrophic consequences as people are believing it to be. And so reversible it is, depends how cyclic it is. I mean, that's what all the argument's over, right? Any real any real real argument about it but i mean the amount of shit we pumped into

our atmosphere that does the global warming stuff is pretty bad news world that shit was cool as hell that's my world right you know that he's webbed webbed people everyone's like what period of time do you wish that you were born the water Waterworld era. That's where I would thrive. He's like fist bumping Kevin Costner in his greatest fantasy ever. Like riding on that pontoon boat on the high seas. Woody's got his knife bit between his teeth. He's like, yeah.

That's my era. Waterworld pirate man. That's your best possible scenario. I feel like somewhere they messed up in that movie though. There's no deep frying of anything. I feel like that would be the final thing to make that fantasy the best fantasy ever. It would be like

some pop out trimaran. It wasn't a multi-hole where he's popping the buttons and the fucking sails are coming down and stuff. One more button, the fucking deep frying turkey machine pops up. And it's like, there you are. Smoker's coming. Get the turkey in.

You know, and it's like, I think that would be the stuff we're missing. They did cook whatever that giant shark monster fish that he caught using himself for human bait was that one time. I like Waterworld. I think that's a good movie. I know it was a massive flop financially. I think maybe it eventually made the money up. But it was... I like that. And I even like the Postman. I like Kevin Costner movies.

They're slow, but I like them. I like that. And what's the other one? Dances with Wolves. That one won an Oscar. It is 8pm and I've barely eaten. Let's order my pizza together. Alright. You know what you should do? Kyle, you call pizza on your end is kyle you call pizza on your end

what do you call pizza on your end see if we can get them to talk to each other and see if they will uh order a pizza from each other or just be confused that totally doesn't happen but i will do pizza races with kyle do they deliver where you are no well this is an easy win um it'll never come sausage pizza the works when i do a lot where are you ordering from papa john's i put it i put a link in there uh the technical difficulties it's great yeah papa john's is pretty good but it's almost an illusion of goodness because you douse it in so much of that garlic butter sauce. And it's garlic butter sauce, so you know there's very little butter. 50% off regular price menu items if you use code

50holiday. I'm all over that. See what code PKA does. Not a damn thing, I promise. Hawaiian barbecue chicken? What do you think of that? That sounds horrific. I don't like any kind of pizza with pineapples on it.

I think it's where I'm headed. I haven't heard any suggestions. Do you like pineapple pizza, Kyle? Or filthy? Are you looking for what I like? I like jalapeno and pepperoni. It's probably my favorite go-to pizza right now. I like banana peppers and pepperoni.

Pepperoni and jalapenos are excellent. And Italian sausage. But I'll do a barbecue chicken. That's a pretty good one. I'll do a pineapple and ham. I'm so fucking hungry right now. I really don't even want to do this. I am so hungry.

It's 8 p.m. and I've had... I don't know if I've eaten anything. I have not eaten anything. Hey, three for three. I have not eaten today. Filthy, have you eaten today? Yes. As you should. today yes as you should yeah as you should i've been in a bad habit of just like barely eating anything for most of the day and then just having a big dinner that's every day for me which is just i don't think

it's good for you i don't i don't care my girlfriend's home right now so like i get fed daily it's how i live my life i uh i i skip breakfast and i skip lunch and almost every single every day almost and then how are you getting 6 000 calories in one meal then oh it's not just one meal i start eating at night and then i stop whenever i fall asleep like i ate a bag of gummy bears last night and a whole and a whole thing of what was that mexican dip combos like i don't even know what i was eating there was lots of oh i want a taco bell too i want a taco bell got like 22 worth of shit like like i get the whole bag with the shits yeah i got this whole bag of taco bell coming through the house and i'm like here's yours kitty and it's like one quesadilla and the rest of it's

all mine oh that's great dude 22 at $22 at Taco Bell. That is gross. Oh, yeah. That is so, especially like, okay, we'll say $18 because she got a quesadilla. And that is one of the pricier items on the menu. It was like $22. Like $20 is what it takes to feed me at Taco Bell because I'll get like a number five. All right. So the number five is Nachos Bel Grande with a taco.

I get them to make that taco a Doritos taco and a hard one at that. I get a large Diet Pepsi because their Diet Pepsi is just delicious. The cheesy fiesta potatoes, I like to get the double-decker taco also with the Doritos Locos Nachos Taco. My mouth's watering thinking about it. They did this new quesarito,

not a quesarito, but a crunch wrap. They do a sriracha chicken crunch wrap. I got one of those. I got a chicken and cheese chalupa supreme. And I think I got a five-layer burrito. No, a seven-layer burrito. It's got the guacamole.

Do you eat all of that at once? Or do you have to pace yourself? If I only get $20 worth, then I can eat it all in one sitting. If I get like $25, $30 worth, which is like two or three more burritos. Yeah, then it starts to get crazy. Then I can't handle it in one sitting. That's too much. But I'll like play Fallout, and I'll just munch away until the bag's gone.

I eat the whole bag, the whole thing. That's what I did last night. It was delicious. and it's probably what i'm gonna do tonight too i i'm really fucking hungry i love taco how far away is your taco bell from me like 20 minutes no no not that bad um like seven minutes each way oh it's not bad yeah it's not bad you have like a chicken place like a zaxby's close to there yeah same thing i've got like my options are zaxby's waffle houseaffle House, Taco Bell, McDonald's, Burger King, Hardee's slash Red Burrito, Dairy Queen, and Wendy's.

I think Hardee's is wildly overrated as a fast food place. It's better than McDonald's, but it's not much better than McDonald's. The price you pay, it is not better than McDonald's, I don't think. You've got to get them to make your food fresh so that it's not much better than McDonald's. If you have to make everything fresh... The price you pay, it is not better than McDonald's, I don't think. You've got to get them to make your food fresh so that it's not waiting around because any burger sitting in that little cardboard box under a heat lamp is going to be shitty. But if you have them make you a fresh one, then they actually do have superior ingredients to McDonald's and Burger King. But it's like the same price almost to go to Hardee's and get a burger meal with fries and a drink

as it is to go to Red Robin. Or Five Guys, really. Or Five Guys. And Five Guys and Red Robin are way better. Yeah, Five Guys is the shit. I've been eating a lot of Five Guys lately. I had a bacon cheeseburger and a large Cajun fry two days ago. It was amazing. You got a large fry from there.

That's like a whole bag. We've talked about this. That meal is 2,250 calories. I get a large soda. I get a large Cajun fry, and I get a double bacon cheeseburger with my toppings. It comes to 2,250 calories

for one meal. That's all you eat that day, pretty much. No, there's more. That's my main meal that I'll eat at night, but there'll be snacks the whole night too. I'll definitely have at least one bowl of cereal. I might make some spicy rice, as I call it, which is yellow rice with like stir fry ingredients. Like I get up there to 3,000 calories at least.

Like most of the time it's got to be four or five. It's a shit load. I feel like I'm cramming so much into my body at once that it just can't process all of it. So it's just like push it through. And I'm not getting all of it. Do you spend most of your days just like sprinting in circles or something? Like I think if I was, you know, like I sit on my I mean, I stream for a living.

So I sit on my ass literally eight hours a day for about, you know, five days a week. But if I ate like that, I would die. I just I work out like a heart attack instantly. I work out one day a week, maybe like I'll run or I'll lift weights a little bit. But mostly I think at 29, I'll be 30 in May. It's not just metabolism then yeah mostly i've got a good metabolism i really do think it's true and i don't think that that's a true thing people say it all the time they throw that around they bandy that point about but i think i legitimately do

have a uh rather fast metabolism because i just eat a lot of shit and i don't seem to get very fat i'm 183 pounds right now and i've've just been eating shit for months now, seemingly. I'm waiting to get fat. There's no nutritional value in any of the meal you've just described. I'd love to think that. I would love to think that because that would just drive me straight to the kernel, right?

Like if less nutritional value equals less calorie intake somehow or absorption, then I'm going straight to KFC and I'm getting a bucket of... There's some materials your body just can't process but you just like eat rocks like it's just gonna pass through you a good point because your body can't dissolve it maybe at some level that's what you're getting into here i mean because what you're describing is like 6 000 calories of fucking fast food on a daily basis maybe only like half of that is even

digestible by your body and the rest is just like a viscous, semi-edible sludge that goes through your body. I can count the chicken nuggets when I poop. I can see them. Does that mean anything? It means you need to eat like a fucking stalk of celery or something every once in a while. Kyle, I have some inside information flowing in here on your diet.

Yes. What Kyle means by skipping breakfast and lunch is that he doesn't get up till 2 p.m. That's not true. He has his coffee and then begins his stream of dinners. That's not true at all. Today I did sleep in late. Last night I was up until like 6 a.m., I think, and I didn't get –

I woke up today at like 11.30 a.m., and then I just went back to sleep. I didn't get I woke up today at uh at like 11 30 a.m. and then I just went back to sleep I didn't have anything to do today there's nothing going on um nothing at all it was raining last night so I can't even go like clean up from where I filmed the other day so I had a lazy day today but most days I'm up and out of the bed by 10 30 or 11 not that's uh anything to hang your hat on. But yeah, it's pretty accurate. I have my coffee, which has sweetener. I don't use any.

That's got zero calories. Most of my. You're saving it right there. Yeah, I totally am. That's the difference maker. That's probably, I mean, what's keeping your whole metabolism even going at this point. I am so hungry. I am going to gorge myself on stream.

People are going to think less of me for it. But I am so hungry. I think I'm going to order a pizza on stream. People are going to think less of me for it, but I'm so hungry. I think I'm going to order a pizza as soon as I I started the timer. My camera doesn't seem to be picking it up, but there we go. Still can't see it. There it goes. There's two cameras.

I'm three minutes in. I guess I should have my pizza in about, what, 27 minutes? Something like that? I've got so much food to make right now in my fridge. But I don't want to finish the show and then go and start cooking for like

90 minutes and have to wait that long. But I feel like a real piece of garbage if I order food out with that much meat in my fridge. My wife's been gone for over a week and the cupboard is bare. When I finish here, I'm going to go to Zaxby's, I think. You guys ever use Treat Your Stream?

So, a website that's designed for streamers. You basically register there, they okay you on it, and then you enter information. And it's a way of connecting your viewers to be able to order you food without actually giving them your information. It goes through that.

I've used that once now. It's actually kind of a bit strange, but I had Papa John's delivered from a viewer who wanted to buy me Papa John's. What kind of Papa John's was it? Did they get a good pizza or a shitty one on purpose? Sorry, not Papa John's, Jimmy John's. You actually set up what you want, so they call in and they get through one of your pre-orders,

so I had exactly what I wanted. I used to get nearly... I would have so many pizzas coming to my house it was ridiculous some of them were prepaid some of them weren't but every time i streamed there'd be like way too much food arriving well yeah i assume you regulate that some way like not just asking to do that so you asked no he's the guy who did it i don't want this to happen no this actually happened to him in the past. People knew his address, so they would send pizzas, some paid for, some not paid for.

So he started up like a little chip jar or tip jar there to pay for the pizzas that were inevitably going to arrive. It was a real pain in the ass. Well, among pains in the ass, that's a pretty first world. The food won't stop showing up that wasn't what bothered me what bothered me was so i set up like a tip jar right and it got like to be 150 dollars like in there so that when people sent pizzas and a lot of times the pizza orders were like abusive almost like they managed to make a 65 pizza you know they

just like throw every topping on it and order it in the most expensive way. And then it would show up and, you know, like I wouldn't pay for that. But when they started paying for it, suddenly like I wouldn't, like, you know, the delivery guy would get paid and the pizza guy would get paid and stuff because I had money. But then they're like, you know, oh, well, he's pocketing them. They need like proper accounting to make sure that their money really got to the pizza people. And it was like can we just like not do all of this like that i would

take that it's not yeah that's why this site somehow they always they always threw that on to you i just feel like anybody else would have been like just put the money in there if you want to help me pay for the pizza it'll get to the fucking pizza man some of it won't though because i'm not going to be an accountant when it comes to this i might profit profit 14 up to 15.99 maybe even from this pizza fund just chill the fuck out yeah yeah i don't know why people get really bent out of shape about if they think you're profit profiting from them in some way that they don't think you should that was more old school nowadays people will just straight up you know give me money donations and stuff it's a big thing uh but you go back a couple years and heaven forbid like you made money on youtube or twitch like it was it was weird how quickly that flipped around from like the everybody saying you

were a sellout whore for like having a sponsorship with like a controller company or something as small as that to just now where you can go to all the huge youtube people and it's just not shameless promotion because it's not like it's shameless in the first place like you're promoting your brand you're doing what you need to do to be viable financially like so it's not shameless or anything but it's so much more forward than ever before and i think it's good yeah i like it one thing i the more forward you are with it the less like my last house tour was sponsored by Gamma Labs. Fuck it. You know?

Like there's nothing secretive about it. Like, hey, this is my server rack. Glug, glug, glug, glug. This gives me energy. And then I carry on. And, you know, like what are you going to say? Oh, I think he was paid. Yeah.

That's a good chance. Paid well is what you'd say right yeah right so just be straightforward about it and no one fusses anymore are you going to invite your pizza man down here down into your cave

oh I am on the second floor it would be up and no I was going to go to the door and get the pizza I think it'd be weird to be like come on you're not gonna give him a hit for sure oh that'd be great yeah give him what you said a hit for i had friends in college who would do like the like my stoner friends were like when the pizza guy delivered like instead of like giving them money they'd be like hey man hit for tip and then like give him a bong and the

guy would like 99 of the time be like oh yeah i'm a pizza man and i always thought that was so weird because it's like yeah you're giving him that something that's worth money but how about you just fucking give him money like i do and like everyone else does because that's what they need but is it a hit worth like a quarter or something? I don't know how much they were giving him out of their ball. You don't? I don't. You don't know what – You have to do some math here.

Oh, please. If there's one thing drug users are good at, it's drug-based math. That's true. You can find like a real idiot, and if they sell pot you'll be like hey i want to buy 6.1 grams uh on the sunday after thanksgiving how much would that run me in the current market and they're like well you know doing like their uh happy holidays high numbers yeah uh yeah i just that always struck me as weird the whole giving drugs away kitty just came by and held up a sign that said she had she's like, I just made you

X amount of dollars and we don't have to do anything. Yay! Happy holidays indeed. Happy holidays to Kitty. So is it going to be you two hanging out? Yeah, she's flying to Texas tomorrow so I'm going to be here by myself

for, I don't know, multiple of days. Three, four, five days, something like that, all by myself. Is Texas her family? No. London would be her family, but she's got friends in Texas. I think I'm going to end up... I don't know what I'm going to do for food. I'm going to cook something, I guess.

Like, something other than, like, burgers and fries or something lame like that. Maybe I'll get myself, like, a whole Cornish game hen and deep fry that motherfucker. You should. You know what we do for Christmas every year? My grandparents, my grandma, she gets this giant pot and then five times

fills it up with crab legs and Cajun seasoning and andouille sausage and potatoes, like those small ears of corn. A low country boil. Yeah, country boil. And then she'll just pour it all out on her giant kitchen table and everybody just eats off of it like a gross asshole.

And you feel bad. I've seen that done, but I've never participated. I don't like all that stuff that much. I don't like the crawfish. I'm not into that so much. And the andouille sausage, not so much either. The corn even. I just don't like a lot of the stuff that's in there. It seems cool. Yeah a yeah i like crab i don't know how you cannot like that

kind of sausage that andouille sausage it's great it's okay have you ever had one of those big boils woody or filthy where just throw it out on the table and everybody kind of goes hog wild uh with like maryland style crab back when i didn't know what to be a thing. They just like, I don't know how it's done exactly. You just prepare like a whole fucking cubic yard of crab and people eat it. It was never my favorite. I always thought crab

was kind of high effort. If I'm going to have a crab, it needs to be gigantic, like an Alaskan king snow crab or whatever that is. I grew up in Maine and like when you, we ate a lot of Maine lobster

and like crab always, I had crab way after I'd had lobster and I always felt like kind of a like lower payoff more work kind of lobster right like all the limbs are smaller there's less meat per amount of shell I'm cracking and I don't actually like the flavor as much as I like lobster that's what I liked about crab versus lobster is I like well I do like the flavor of crab more than lobster and I like working at it like really wow you feel like you have to really just dedicate some time to your meal. It forces you to eat slower. Good for socializing.

I like it. I would love it if you were to say open my crab for me. I would be fine with that. Get out. Meet up and I'll blaze through my crab because I'm a fiend. I'm a master. You'll be blown away. You'll be sitting there. You'll get your crab. I'm already blown away. I will get my crab and I will a fiend. I'm a master. You'll be blown away. You'll be sitting there. You'll get your crab.

I'm already blown away. I will get my crab and I will just... Alright, alright. I need to know more. Tell me about your tool set. Mostly it's just my hands and then they give you that small cracker. Is it the squeezy cracker or the tiny fork that we're talking about? They give you both of those

at most places. The tiny fork, don't need it. Throw that away. That's my primary tool. Use a regular-sized fork. It's much more efficient. That and the cracker. And you only need the cracker for the big claw arm. That's it.

All the other ones you can snap on your own. And if you know the right pattern, you always break it down from the smallest end to where it connects to the body of the crab. always break it down from the smallest end to where it connects to the body of the crab. Because if you try and crack that big part open first, like that big kind of femur, I guess, you don't get that big piece of meat that pulls out because the tendons from the outer laying parts of the leg are still there. So you've got to crack those off first, eat kind of backwards, and then you get those big fatty pieces of crab. This is good pro shit right here. It's very good. It does feel like I've been going about this all wrong. Right? You've been missing here. It's very good. Yeah, I love you. It does feel like I've been going about this all wrong.

Right? Oh, you've been missing out. It's a ball. I just assumed the tools they gave me would actually be adequate for the task, but it sounds like these tools are just not necessary. I do use the big fork. No, that's a global ruse. Those chefs in the back laughing at you.

Look at this fucking idiot trying. This ruse. Let's give them smaller forks. That'll fuck with them. Hey, chef, chef, chef, chef. Let's give them really little forks just to see how they can open. Why would we give them to the folks? Why am I French?

You know, just trust me. That's great advice, though. What I use is I use the fork, and sometimes I use the fork as a cutting device. Like you put it all the way there, and then it'll sort of wiggle your way through and you can open with that. That's not a bad technique. If I'm lucky, I can pull out larger chunks of meat, but sometimes I just get...

It's like eating a broken cookie. It's the same thing but it's better when it's not broken. God, I'd kill for a cookie right now. I would kill for a crab. Man, that would be great. Wouldn't that be a great podcast? It would just... I'm not sure they're going to like my pizza, but it's after...

It's what? 809, I think? I'm like crazy hungry. I'm looking at this thing. I'm 13 minutes in. I mean, you're not going to tear through the whole pizza on the show like you'll have some for afterward

I'm sure I would expect yeah but I don't know at this point I have like a sweat on I don't know if I'm hungry or anticipating I'm feeling a little low blood sugar I'm a mess I need some food

let's do a bad joke while everybody's gone are you ready? I have one lined up. I'll find one. Okay, you can go ahead. I'll find one. Are you ready? Yep.

How do you confuse a gay person? Seven. Seven? It worked! Get it? How do you confuse a gay person oh because now i'm gay because i don't understand it i can't believe it works so well very homophobic that was good um what's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito something about the mosquito not sucking you something or another dry one stops sucking when you slap it yeah

are you still talking about crab or is that just something else that fits that my bad joke crushed it it was a good bad joke. That looks like a dark manly beer. It's called Wake Up Dead or something like that. What? Wait, let me see this.

Stout. It's left-hand brewing. I think it's Wake Up Dead or something very similar to that naming. It's an imperial stout. Taylor asked if you could see it. Oh, there we are. Wow. Oh, I thought you had the bottle there. I really don't like stouts or porters. to that naming it's an imperial stout taylor actually fantastic oh there we are wow oh i

thought you had like the bottle there i really don't like stouts or porters like really dark beer like that i i like uh but it's the imperials that i like when i go that route so the imperial stouts really nice so they add a lot more alcohol to them so it's like a 10 or 11 percent beer so you're getting that's like an 11 percent beer yeah yeah yeah get you Get you drunk. That will get you drunk. Gets you some flavor in with the stouts, right? Yeah. That's what my roommates

used to drink and I just remember they'd be like, can't you taste the notes of honey? And I'm just like, where the fuck are your roommates from?

Lithuania. Like, some of the notes of honey and barley and like, some sort of like, caramel aftertaste and stuff. Like it's a fine wine. And I'm like, this is an 11% fucking beer that came in a liter bottle.

You just polished off four of them. I don't think you're in it as some sort of artisan, dude. Let's just drop the whole thing. Yeah, drop the pretense. Let's just do vodka shots like normal people. But no, they're just over there drinking those disgusting brown dick. That they would lend you and you'd kind of have to take some drinks. You'd be like, oh, man.

I would drink one. I could drink one of them and then I was pretty drunk, but it would take me so long to drink it that it's warm by the end. And they would say it all, finish your beer, Kyle. Finish your beer. It was like a running joke for me to finish my beer because they thought I was some kind of wuss because I would have like this much left of this one liter beer

in this mega glass and they're on their second one. It should have been like buy better beer. Like get me some like Coors Light or Bud Light or something easy to drink. When we went to the bar, we drank Dos Equis. Like they drank it as well. But when they purchased beer, they would get that Russian, Lithuanian, stuff like that.

It's just awful, foreign, imported beer. I like cheap beer. I think I've got Bush in my fridge a couple weeks ago. That's awful. I like Dos Equis. The green bottle, not the lager or whatever.

I guess I like those piss beers. I'm not drinking beer to get some sort of delicious medley of flavors. I'm drinking it because I want to get a little buzzed and it's going to go well with something else. I don't really like to drink beer by itself. It's often accompanying food. So Miller Light and Dove Balls is delicious to me because it takes me back to a memory of me eating fried dove breasts. I've talked about it before. With Miller Lite, yeah. Miller Lite.

You're saying that if you're out mowing your lawn or doing some kind of hot, hard labor all day, a Bud Light or a really light, crisp beer doesn't sound good? This is a winter beer when you have a I'm in a cold environment I mean it's not particularly cold here but I'm in Illinois this is a winter beer right this is a seasonal winter beer so what I prefer in general yeah I mean

in the summer you want something like an IPA or a pale ale or something like that this is a little bit lighter so yeah I mean certainly not if I'm out mowing the lawn I don't want to come back and drink fucking three stouts or something but I also don't want a Bud Light either you know like Iouts or something. But I also don't want to bud light either. I would like a beer that I could actually taste and enjoy.

I like the no taste of those kind of beers. I do too. I like Miller Lite. I don't know. I went the other day to one of these wing joints. I went to go see a football game. I don't have cable at home, so anything I watch, I got to watch. If I want to watch, I want't remember, one of these wing joints. I went to go see a football game. I don't have cable at home, right?

So anything I watch, I got to watch. If I want to watch, I want to go catch a Patriots game. And I went to a frigging, one of these Buffalo places, Buffalo Wild Wings or some shit for this. Just to get to a place where I could drink beer and watch a game on a big television. And that's all I wanted to do, right? I'm like, all right, I'll suffer through this shit,

pour food for this. And I get there and the Cubs are playing. And we're right outside Chicago. And they won't put the Patriots on a big screen. So I'm watching, like, I have to move tables to get to this little tiny fucking TV that I could see the Patriots playing. And then they bring me the beer list, and I'm like, all right, fine, whatever. They have a couple of decent micro-brews on tap, and I'll have one of these.

First one I ask for, they're out of. Come back, second one I ask for, they're out of. Come back, third one I ask for, they're out of. And then she's asked for they're out of and then she's like i could bring you a core's light and i'm like fuck you you just like made my mind i came out here specifically for beer and football and i'm getting not football i'm getting freaking baseball and i'm getting no beer that's drinkable i'm like this is this is beyond belief how you could do this to me so i don't know man when you tell me like i could just have a bud light it just seems like no thanks i like thanks. I like – are you a beer snob at all? He totally is.

You can't tell? Yeah, I don't know. I can't tell. He seems to have a taste for it. My dad's English. My dad's English. He even keeps fallback beers IPA. I mean –

And he said when he came over to States, he's been over here 30 years, longer probably, right? He said when he first came over here, there was nothing drinkable, and he literally had to brew his own to find a drinkable beer. The original snob. This whole country's got nothing for me. So, you know, I did some beer brewing right out of high school and into kind of early college. I did some beer brewing for a while.

I mean, actually, I think there's great beers available now, but I just tend to like a craft beer more than I like. i like so yes i guess i probably am a little bit of a beer snob so i mean it's not like liking good beers that makes you a beer snob like you said like ipas like kyle i know hates those like i don't mind those i think those are pretty good with the right food or just on their own because they're more alcoholic and it's bitter so it really makes you drink it slower like because like you can't just take huge slugs of that but it's when like you condescend to people like if i showed up with like a six pack of like you know holy roller ale like you know something fancy and somebody else had bush light like if i was like oh god you can't even taste

that piss water i said said that with derision. That would make me a beer snob. I probably would fall in just beer snob category than me. Sorry. Because if you showed up that way, I'd probably do my very best to show you some beers that I thought were good that you might like. If you like a lighter beer, there's lots of good beers to be had. I'm sure I would like it. I'd like to learn more about beer with you. If we ever went out got a beer or something you could probably

tell me maybe something i would like but what you are drinking right now i have had something like that and it is repugnant it is just vile just you it's thick and there's so much booze in it that it's like what what after notes am I tasting? Because I taste liquor. You know that's what the Imperial stands for, right? When you're getting an Imperial whatever, it's one of the over-proofed beers. Oh, really?

So if you're disliking the taste of alcohol in your beer, you don't want to be ordering Imperials anyways because you're going to be getting that note almost always in an Imperial. I like Imperial IPAs because I'll see on those, those will be like 7% or something, which is still pretty alcoholic for a beer, but it's not until you get the

dark ones that you have that it gets up to like 10%, 11%. Sure. I think, it's funny you say that because the IPAs in and of themselves are a stronger beer anyways. I'm sure you've heard it, why it's called India Pale Ale. There's a ship to India needed to have more alcohol so it doesn't go off in the fucking hole.

Yes, of course I knew that before you just explained it. Anyways, so, yes, I understand. I'm surprised that you don't like, you like IPAs but don't like a higher proof beer because it's a higher proof beer. It's the dark beers that I don't like. Like they're so, they're too filling. I don't care for it sure but you know it's funny woody and i like a nice alcoholic lemonade with the notes of lemon and sugar

really i mean i can watch down with a 22 menu item of uh off menu item off your Taco Bell there, right? Yeah. You're talking about pairing earlier. What pairs with the seven-layer burrito? Well, anything because of the seven layers. You get a little bit of everything, every bite. That's the whole point. A gingerbread man-based drink is good.

Yeah, that was tasty. That really was good. You could taste the alcohol alcohol but then you could also taste the gingerbread man i can't i can tell a drink is gonna be good if it has blue yellow and red in it very colorful it was good too i drank that whole fucking thing yeah they are good i uh no like i i swear i've tried all the drinks, but it's just like the winners are the strawberry daiquiri, the pina colada. The beachside drinks. Those are fantastic.

People say you can't taste the alcohol. Until you actually can't taste the alcohol, you're not done yet. Like I really like. That's how I feel. I got to agree with you. I hate the taste of alcohol at all. Not even a little bit. I don't want there to be any bite

or any taste of alcohol. It's gross to me. It tastes bad. I don't like it. So the more sugar and syrup or whatever you gotta put in there. Woody and I were in LA and I told the waitress, I was like, I want the fruitiest drink you can come up with. I was like, I want it to be sweet and delicious.

I was like, whatever Elton John would order. I was like, hook me up. And she must have taken offense to some of that. Because she brought me back this drink full of seeds and pulp with like eight straws in it and all this shit on top. It was a joke drink. And I think she must have charged me $20 for it or something like that. Was there even any booze in it? Like, but you can't taste anything.

Yes, way too much. Way too much. It was like eight ounces of vodka, like two ounces of strawberry liqueur, and like 14 straws, 15 kinds of garnish, and then a handful of seeds. Just strawberry seeds that she sprinkled in. It was so awful. She got no tip i felt like she did that on purpose uh really yeah kyle was was actually angry with her like like he he felt

like he's like i don't know what i want exactly but give me something fruity something that tastes good sweet elton john would like it like you know like he's giving her a vibe and she came back with some nasty seed-based bullshit yeah that's like i'm actually really pleased that you said that kyle you said you gave her no tip and like my girlfriend and i go back and forth this all the time right for me it's like I tip well in general I mean that's what you do in general if you have decent service you tip well right yeah you get really good service you tip above and beyond right you know if you get really shit service in my opinion you tip low or not not at all my girlfriend is like of the mindset that like no matter what they

do you're giving them 10 or 15 percent minimum it's too much of an insult to give them zero and i'm like how the fuck are you gonna let them get away with i mean like the part of your night out like i don't know for like if you're going out for a night out you're deliberately spending the time and effort to go somewhere for like a really nice meal or something part of the experience is a service right it doesn't have to be the best thing ever but you have to have a waiter or waitress that doesn't detract from it right like i had waitress who smelled like shit once like human shit so much like shit did she smell the address no no this was uh much finer established i believe we were at a ruby tuesdays and your sunday finest when she stepped away i looked on the floor for dog shit i looked at my own shoes for dog shit and I made my girlfriend do the same.

I was like, our waitress smells like shit. I was like, I was like, she definitely does. And she was like, yeah. And like my girlfriend's literally like, like, like look like turning her head, kind of like trying not to be rude, but like trying not to be very close to the waitress when she comes. She got zero, zero. she also got my drink order wrong three times back to back to back like the fourth attempt she got it right and then i didn't trust it i had to switch drinks the drink was sweet notice that your uh your girlfriend was scooting to the side like no it's oblivious oblivious she she literally just had awful hygiene um i don't know is it applebee's the other or um Olive Garden the other night and she

brought me my refill long before I needed it. Just brought a new cup of Coke and what else did she do? I don't know. She was always lickety split with the cheese grinder and always coming back and asked if I needed something and refilled the breadsticks three times and she gave me more Parmesan

sauce. So I tipped her like 35% or something like that but like for real but if the service is bad they get zero they get zero or they'll even get a joke tip like i'll even you know just a dime or something i've tipped like six cents before just to make it an even withdrawal from my checking account that's kind of funny i'll just do the math and do like two2.06 or something like that if I want to hit it even. But I usually tip well, but if it's bad service, it's a bad tip.

And if it's really bad service, it's zero tip. And I will freak out on wait staff, and I will curse. I will make a scene. I was pretty ready to throw that drink in the floor last time we were at that restaurant, and I was literally going to throw that drink in the floor last time we were at that restaurant. And I was literally going to make a scene. Because we just had gotten back from the survival trip. We hadn't eaten very much at all in days.

We were all very hungry. And I'd been thinking about this meal. I knew what I wanted. And I impressed upon her that we needed this food quickly. And there was just a myriad of issues. She kept fucking up. And things took way too long. this meal i knew what i wanted and i i impressed upon her that we needed this food quickly and and there was just a myriad of issues like she kept fucking up and things took way too long and i i was about to have a meltdown i wasn't too hard even if like they're not that great a waitress but if they're really giving it their fucking best and they're not like actively sabotaging

us but when you get like the fucking like lip from it too like and they start getting cheeky with you and they're fucking up you're like screw this this is just not worth it i honestly don't remember what did i say to the waitress after the survival trip i i really was kind of out of it i was so like tired from that thing and sleepy and hungry like i don't even remember what i said i don't remember for sure either you got the video that's what i'm looking for. I know that I recorded it at the time. It was awful. I was so mad. And I was mad about a bunch of stuff. It was like Chiz's coffee hadn't been refilled and

my drink hadn't been refilled and the appetizers were gone and they had already been late. And I mean the opposite is so incredible too. I've had date nights just be made by the service center. Kyle is completely fed up with the service it's been so fucking long all right we've been sitting here so fucking long chiz doesn't have his coffee no refills this was 10 minutes late um no more bread we're hungry no more bread we've been sitting here 15 minutes nothing look at this

it's clear this time it's not even she asked me she asked me which do you want first you're super yourself i said whichever one you can get to me fastest Here she comes She's done She's you know what I know I was like she's done it she's actually done it because she was coming with the food finally i put one of my own hairs in a entree once to get it for free because the service was so bad awesome uh and it worked yeah that's a good one i definitely made a scene one night at outback um because i felt like the the waitresses were purposefully like not

taking our table because it was between two zones. It wasn't quite the bar and it wasn't quite a table. It was this high top thing off to the side. I felt like I could see them looking at us where all the servers were. I could definitely get a vibe that one person was like, well, that's not technically my section.

The other person was like, well, I'm only covering that section for April because she's not here so that can't be mine. They just didn't come over for 15 minutes and i and when and finally i flagged one chick down she's like oh i'm sorry is no one waiting on you i was like you know they haven't you've been standing over there talking about me for about 15 minutes i saw you and before she could say anything i was like i want the manager manager! And she kind of teared up a little. She was like, ah, ah, ah, like right as she was leaving. And I like showed no mercy.

The girl was like, I think she's crying. I was like, good, good. Maybe they'll drag her out here and let us watch her cry. Like, that'd be nice. That might make me feel better. I get really upset with the poor service because I feel like it's just blatant disrespect for no reason. How about best service? Do you have any equivalent stories of best service totally i have i have one really bad one before we go to good service though uh a waitress when i was like 16 made a

bunch of my friends were buffalo wildlings actually we went to go watch like a ufc fight or something there and did they put it on the big screen for you because they didn't fuck them seriously they did put it on the big screen and we ordered a ridiculous amount like each of us ordered like 20 wings and there's like six of us there so this is the biggest order at the restaurant right now and the lady was clearly a shitty waitress kind of new she had someone like shadowing her for a sec and she went off an hour later she comes back with this huge plate so we're already pissed that it took so long but like we could only see the angle up towards the plate like oh thank god thank god it's here rings out in front starts placing it all down and all of us

just like immediately look at each other like oh oh our faces were downcast we're like these these are all boneless wings these are all just chicken tenders with sauce on them and she's like yeah yeah 120 boneless wings no the one thing the one thing about the wing there's only one adjective and we did not say it not boneless just wings and so uh the the manager over, gave us like half off, and then fired her. Really? Because apparently she had done like these huge money-wasting order mistakes for a while. Like of just like, oh, you want six burgers?

Here's a bunch of fucking French dips. You know, fuck you. Kind of objectively, that one makes me feel a little sad because it's like shit she probably was trying she was just useless that seems like so much better to me than the people who are like actively being a piece of shit towards you right that's the one that wakes me want to just like strike back is the people who are like deliberately deliberately doing shit to you that was the one i'd love to like watch her get fired on the spot and i'd be like you know like throwing tips to the other waiter waitresses or something just particularly you know to see that girl suffer but I can I can I can see that one being painful we had a waitress at Lone Star and Apex I get Longhorn and Lone Star mixed

up but whatever is there so where's Apex to you because that means something different to me oh it's in North Carolina outside Raleigh and Cary okay so it's like a town okay and uh go on the research we've done uh some of the research the the team that i worked with at niu at northern illinois university apex stands for the arizona power exchange which is a bdsm club in arizona so every time you say a b what is he talking about so anyways so i'm good i know now all right yeah it's not really much of a story she was just awesome she was quick. She was on top of it.

And she got to know what we liked. I like the bread. So if there were two people that used to serve half a loaf, and if there's four people, they'd serve a whole loaf. When I came there with just Jackie, she gave us a whole loaf because she knew that's what I liked. And I order a couple times. I get the same thing all the time after a while she's like hey do you want this like saying she knew our order but she also checked to make sure

that was still what we wanted and it was really cool um she always kept the drinks filled up she was great i used to i don't know how to i don't want to be douche about it. I tipped her well every time, and then there was one time we went before Christmas where I tipped triple digits. Wow. I immediately knock off like 2% off my tip if it's a group of more than five people there and the person doesn't write down the orders. If they stand there and they – hands behind their back and they just memorize it for you that i think that is number one disrespectful showing that you're not taking the time to get

my order 100 right because i will fucking guarantee that something will be wrong oh well they just brought out blue cheese instead of ranch no you know what that's some fucking mistake because i don't want it now ranch or blue cheese then you would have known that like these i just think that it's shitty for them not to be taking consideration about everything you're saying. Oh, no pickles on my burger. Could you write that down? Oh no, it's all up here. Is it?

I'd feel a lot fucking better if you would write it down. I don't mind up until the point where they mess it up. And then I'm like, well, maybe if you'd written it down. I've said that before. I definitely have said like, well, maybe if you'd written some of that down the place is trying to be higher end they're gonna do that right they're gonna tell their servers not to write shit down so at some level like i hate i hate to punish the server for like a like decision on the like the management level i've had

conversations with the server about him like not writing it down before because we'd have like maybe like maybe like six of us are at a morton's Steakhouse, and it's a couple of courses or whatever. I just imagine your hand on his shoulder uncomfortably like, look, I need to really tell you something about writing some shit down here now. I got paper. No, we've been like, so you memorize all that? And he'd be like, yeah, yeah. I was like, is it hard?

Sometimes. I was like, you think you got ours down? He's like, oh, yeah, I got yours for sure. I was like you think you got ours down he's like oh yeah i got yours for sure i was like all right well you better because you know it's a hundred dollar steak don't fuck it up i am but i i have legit begun to worry if i have like early onset alzheimer's or something i i forget so much stuff these dogs lie to constantly. They're always saying they haven't been fed, and I don't know if it's true or not. I can't remember so many things. What did we ban that guy for at Woody Craft?

Or what was this about? I start leaning on everyone to remember all kinds of things. It started as a joke. It's just actors' names and stuff. Now, I don't know how I make it through the day. Yeah, pretty soon you're going to be starting repeating stories constantly and it's going to just start going down a spiral. I might be kind of retarded.

I don't know what my scoop is. Kind of retarded. I don't think so. Yeah, I don't know what it is i i i uh i just don't have a knack for remembering like non-interesting shit and sometimes you like i don't know you like do a particular like you'll transpose the the the nouns or something like like or not the nouns but the uh the um the the um the letters. I don't know. The Johannesson.

What's her name? The Avengers actress. Scarlett Johannesson. The Scarlett Johannesson thing. Just the way you turn her name around and kind of get it mostly right. Like dyslexia. Yes. It's like a kind of auditory dyslexia. And you apply that many times over the course of the years to different things.

So you'll get the name wrong, but in the same way every time. But it only is a name thing, right? I read that Game of Thrones thing, right? I thought that was pretty well read. I go through it. I hadn't really seen it. It wasn't practiced. But it was read like someone who's read it.

Oh, yeah. You have no problem reading and reading aloud. That's not the issue at all. it was read like someone who's oh yeah you have no problem reading and reading aloud that's not the issue at all it's it's it's the it's the like remembering the thing and then turning the memory into the the word i i can't argue against it i just i was trying to like it started as like a dyslexia theory maybe that's how i interpret it anyway and it's like no no i can read things all the time yeah it's got an auditory dyslexia though it's it's like, no, no, I can read things all the time. Yeah, it's got an auditory dyslexia, though. It's like, it's something like that.

It's very unique. I've never seen it before. But you do it a lot with the name. And it's so much fun to get you going. And to watch Taylor's face. Taylor fucks with me. He fucks with me all the time. Yeah. I'll be like, yeah, you know Scarlett Johansson, son?

And he's like, no, no, no. It's Scarlett Johansson, son? And he's like, no, no, no. It's Scarlett Johansson or whatever. Oh, when I convinced you that it was Johansson? And you were like, are you sure? All right, well, Scarlett Johansson. He's totally untrustworthy now. And I'm trying to keep it straight. And I'm looking at him.

And I know he's looking at me to see if I'm keeping it straight. And we're both just like, yeah, Johansson. When post the pk onto the pk uh your website right this has video right because there's been numerous times tonight where i've been trying to look between kyle and taylor to figure out if this is a joke i don't know or if they're actually being serious right now because like sometimes when you're talking about things i'm like i don't know if he's fucking with me or not right now so i can imagine imagine it gets worse when you're also already worried about something. You're already concerned, shit, am I messing this up? And then you've got two people deliberately fucking with you.

Yes! There's my world. Yeah, we're almost always fucking with people. There's lots of made-up stuff and inside jokes and fake things. We'll just make stuff up and run with it for weeks and months at a time sometimes. We pretended like Wings was dead one episode. That was great. I think, did I come up with the way he died?

Was it me? I want to take credit for it. How did he die? So there's the long-storied Wings of Redemption desk, right? That he was trying to get done and the guy messed it up. And he spent a lot of money on it and it was blah blah blah well the the deal was that he had been in his closed garage staining staining the desk that woody had refused to work on yeah and that and that he had succumbed to the fumes and uh and and you know died of asphyxiation there in his garage. And we break this story to the PKA audience the next day

and totally, like, serious about it. Like, yeah, it was, it's awful. You know, he's gone. You know, what do you say? What do you say? I don't know. I just feel numb. I just feel numb.

And Woody's like, yeah, yeah, this is, when stuff's this real, it's, you don't even really, really process it for a while. And, you know, we were just completely straight about it. It was a lot of fun. This guy was talking about he was crying because he thought Wings of Redemption was gone, and that just made me laugh so hard. I really enjoyed pulling pranks like that on the audience.

We've done it a few times. I don't know. I think that we're, or I've never really been involved in any of the big pranks. I guess you guys told them that i quit yeah i remember that one that was last time i was on the show i think something like that was happening the time before maybe yeah they were upset but no big ones that i've been involved with but they're they're on their guard now like something is gonna happen eventually and they're gonna be like oh you fucks kyle wasn't in a debilitating accident you know like because he wore

his Ghostbusters suit with a flamethrower again you know now he's an old no lips Myers over there yeah yeah I do fear that something bad will happen to one of us and they'll just be like lols not happening like we're trying to raise money to like

regrow your leg or something like that they're like sure sure we fall short of our goal i can't get that stem cell money sure woody fell off a ladder and now he can't walk i believe you like he's faking it oh and his kids are in there you know fucker can you believe he drilled the holes in his head and put the brace on and everything like he's really trying to sell it. Not this guy, not this time. Yeah, they all have their defenses up for sure. So the next time we fuck with them,

it'll have to be good. I'll have to do one eventually where I'm just doing my blind eyes. I'm like, yeah, well, finally shit went sour. I can't see anymore, but Melissa helped me set up the podcast here. So I'm happy to be on, you know, and I do half of it like looking in the wrong direction. Just like, I have a vague sense of light. That's great. Let me me let me touch your face that's really funny yeah um i always love doing that i like reading the reactions and seeing um the the best is when i can't even think of a good example but we've said something that was true like a real thing that was happening and

going on and then they're on there like not believing that thing true, like a real thing that was happening and going on, and then they're on there not believing that thing. They're like, oh, bullshit. There's no way that happened. It's like, yeah, man, that happened. We did that. That's a thing. Well, when Lefty went off the show and you guys told him that I was coming on now, a lot of people didn't believe that either.

Yeah. Or didn't believe when Wings was gone. Yeah. Yeah, both of those things. I think they didn't believe us. It's because if you fuck with people enough, they start to doubt everything. That's the goal.

They doubt everything, and they never really know for sure if something's a joke or not. There's always a group of people that are like, they've never gotten me once, but we get them a lot. It's a lot of fun.

It's nothing to be ashamed of. You're kind of at a disadvantage. And they're being lied to. It's just a lot of crying wolf. Over and over. Ad nauseum crying wolf. I really enjoy it. Woody has a hard time selling it sometimes.

It's difficult getting a scam across with Woody as a co-conspirator. He's no good at it? Sometimes, not so much. He's quick to be grinning or have a little twinkle in his eye who are we talking about you i'm not good at what well we're trying we're trying to sell a big lie i feel like sometimes you you're kind of grinning or i think that's totally unfair you got a little twinkle in your eye like i always see when people

are like i knew it they'll be be like, yeah, Woody looked real happy when he was talking about Wings being dead. I could tell. He wasn't really sad. I don't know. I think I sold the lies. What was the one I told recently? Even my wife was fooled. The pizza man?

That cape looks good. I don't know. I told a whole story, and she bought into it, and I don't remember what it was anymore. Went on for a while. I don't know. I'm so... I don't feel well I'm so underfed.

I'm very excited about this. What did you end up going with, pizza-wise? I went with the Hawaiian. They're very fast, I feel like. That was a quick delivery. I can tell you. I don don't think so it was over half an hour oh maybe i'm maybe i'm wrong that time just flies and it's been 45 minutes but i've had the pizza for what like three or four yeah now does a dog get any pizza is that a thing any table scraps passed along to the the dogs i know some people are like super anti that no our dogs don't eat human food

really i, every once in a while they'll get like... It's like he wants to. Just only allow that boy to have his balls. Post balls, no more food. It's really making him feel bad about it. He just ate. I fed him while I was down there. That's not food! That's shrivel!

He forgets for days! I can't get pizza because you can tell how many slices are missing. He won't forget that. Oh, look, his ears are standing up. Oh, they were made down. What a monster of a dog. Big dog.

Big dog. I'm here too, guys. It's me. I'm Big Yellow. What's the name of that dog? Big Yellow. What's the name of that dog? The yellow one? Big Yellow. Buddy. No, it's Buddy.

And so, there they are. Big Yellow. What an awful name that would be for a dog. Well, you have to think, like, with dog names, if it's coming from the dog's point of view, then, like, they don't have normal names. They, like, you know, Big Yellow, that's her name. Or his name.

Kyle and Taylor, do you guys have pets as well yeah uh uh i have it's it's kind of a so kitty my manager she's got a uh a little dog like a terrier like about this big um that's dumb as a rock like you throw like cheese at it instead of catching it it just like hits its face and the dog stops being able to dog. It's afraid of the cheese for a moment. And then I bought a Belgian Malinois working dog

a few years ago, but it's totally Kitty's dog because she's always taking care of it and it's really turned completely against me. So she's got that too. And then my girlfriend has a Datsun, a little wiener dog. And that dog has so much personality and is just very, very smart. And I love that dog. And it's become one of my favorite dogs ever now.

So me and that dog are like this. We're tight. Doesn't her family breed them or there's something to that, right? Yeah, I think they breed them. So it's some sort of – it's a champion weenie. But not really. But, like, you know, I do the dog's voice and it's a champion weenie, but not really. But I do the dog's voice, and it's a character in a little animated sitcom in my mind. All the dogs have voices here, and they talk to each other and have long, drawn-out conversations.

The little one calls the big one Big Brown. She doesn't like him. She calls me number one because she ranks human beings by ratings. The funny thing is she ranks my girlfriend as number 47, but every time I do the bit, she's had to learn a new number to demote my girlfriend even further.

This is like a weird exercise in narcissism. Yeah, right? Where all these things are just living around you looking up just, wow, number one. Maybe someday., wow, number one. Maybe someday. Y'all number one. Nobody messes with you, number one.

Not when I'm here. Nope. No, so we. And then, like, I'll go in the kitchen. Is that the dachshund I just heard? That's the dachshund. She'll be like, number one. Make it wane.

No one is wooking. And I'll grab, like, a whole pinch of shredded cheese and sprinkle it all over from head height and make it rain cheese on her. And she's just like, fuck yeah! She loves that more than anything in the world. And she'll jump back in the bed. She's got little bits of cheese all over her. It's really cute.

And my girlfriend's always like, she's gaining so much weight, you gotta stop it. She's getting unhealthy. And I'll be like, oh, Ienesque i'm beautiful there's more of me to walk and you know just just oh god that voice really i can't even put my finger on it it bothers me and i hate it it sounds like you're about to swallow your own tongue and it makes me uncomfortable like that's because we the dogs don't have no whips they just got the jowls that's not even true they do have lips they're like curtains that the jowls are like curtains you know it's

they're not airtight lips are airtight the jowls are all rubberly yeah yeah but yeah all the dogs have a voice and like dax in there, he'll be barking if he hears like my flip flops walk by and he's like, I hear you human blood, blood, blood. So I'm just always screaming that like translating for him. He's a real nightmare. He really is frightening. Like he hears my voice in particular or he'll hear me crack my knuckles. He can hear me crack my knuckle clear across this fucking house. I mean like three rooms away,

I'll crack them. They'll be loud and he'll like lose his fucking shit and hit the door. The other day he opened the door handle like a goddamn velociraptor and was just loose in the house and it was frightening. Every now and then Kitty will rush to my bedroom door and be like, deck is loose! And close it behind her as she leaves and I'm just like, good, she closed the door. Good, good. Alright, yeah.

Alright. Of all the people to be worried about that, it feels like the amount of weaponry you have in your house, unless it learns how to use that, I think you're in good shape. He's got a gun! You ever get in a gunfight with a dog? They're just fast. They can take a couple shots.

They're tough, too. I don't want him getting a hold of me. His teeth are like razor blades. They're so sharp, very spiky. They're not blunt like a Labrador's that are made for, like, you know, grabbing doves and returning them to you unfettered this motherfucker's got teeth that are made to shred flesh and and and damage things and they're they're awful i would hate to have to get in a fight with him um woody's dog i'm sure is going to get to a

point where he's going to be a monster his last dog was a real terror um just a real terror like much worse son of a bitch. Very big. How much did the dog weigh, Jack? I don't even know. 115 or something. He's a great Dane. He'd stand up and he'd be 7 feet tall. I think this one's even bigger now. They don't live long though, great Danes.

The only good thing I can think of about fighting one of those is its head is so big I feel like I could hit it with a stick. Like, I wouldn't miss the head, you know what I mean? I feel like a pit bull is, like, all fucking neck, with, like, a little skull cap on top of the neck muscle, and, like, you gotta almost hit it straight on the top of the head. But I feel like, this sounds a little morbid, but if I had to fight a great day,

that's a big target to whack with a bat or something if I had to. But I feel like... I feel like you'd break a shovel on a pit bull jaw. Those giant, like, prehistoric-looking, just, like, an inch thick of just, ugh, jutted out. Those are so scary. It's so wide. It's like a Pac-Man.

I really... Some dogs are terrifying. They're just too big and too scary to be roaming around willy-nilly. My neighbor had a... What happened? Had to go. Oh, I just...

It actually actively was attacking one of our dogs. It was killing our dog, fighting it, and we shot it. I'm a bigger fan of killing things. It was like killing our dog, fighting it, and we shot it. I'm a bigger fan of killing things. Just out of curiosity, shot it with the neighbor's permission or shot it during that act and then went to the neighbor afterwards?

Yeah, during the act. Better to ask your neighbor's dog. It's less than permission. He was going to kill ours. He was a pit bull and our dog was like a little terrier thing. How did the neighbor react to that? Oh, you didn't tell him. Did you tell him you shot it?

No, you don't take it back. No. Oh, you just like disappeared the neighbor's dog after you shot it? Yes. Taken. It's much easier to deal with no conversation than the, hey, your dog was trespassing on our property. We just literally had a conversation about fucking with people. That's a pretty good way to fuck with people. Anything you want to tell me about this story?

I don't think so. Oh, no, no, no, it's a true story. No, it's a true story. The dog came, attacked our dog, was actively attacking it, shot the dog, killed the dog, buried the dog, and now that's not a problem.

Well, that is a poor way to handle it. But it's also like, what else are you going to do? If it's a dog that's going to kill your dog, you have to do something. You can see our dog's lung hanging out. Every time it would breathe, you could see the lung expanding.

So we tucked the lung back in and, like, held its little chest cavity together. My dad held its little chest cavity together with his hands. I think you have to, like, make a seal so it would continue to breathe something about the chest cavity being exposed. But I took it to the vet and sewed him up, and now he's got a badass scar. His name is Rambo. That dog

weighs nine fucking pounds. Rambo, he is real shaky like he's got Parkinson's. And if the wind blows, he gets scared. He's like 16-year-old Jack Rat Terrier, just this tiny nine-pound wisp of a dog that thinks he's like fucking a badass and just lunges at anything and everything that comes near my dad.

Just a real little monster. I hate all of your dog voices and I don't know why. It's just the niggling little sensations and all the spit in your mouth. It's like, oh god, I hate it. Those voices are so obnoxious and I get such a

kick knowing that you were walking around your house irritating everybody around me by doing these voices. Including probably the dogs. There's a few different dog voices. Including probably the dogs. There's a few different dog voices. This is the one I do for Big Brown. But then like Kitty's dog. That one's not as bad.

Yeah, that's not as bad. That's more of a cartoon, like silly one. But then Kitty's dog, I imagine is like mentally challenged. Like that dog's basically retarded because she can't catch anything. Like no hand-eye coordination.

Not that she has hands, but you know what I mean? Like couldn't catch a ball, couldn't do any of that stuff and doesn't understand the concept of fetch she goes and gets the toy and then hides it she's like yeah i got more toys and i imagine that she sounds more like this and she's sort of a like a 45 year old housewife on disability it doesn't really do a lot, but eat bonbons. And I do an awful grating laugh for her. How about you, Taylor?

All the dogs have voices. I'm working on my own little animated show with my dogs and forcing them into puppets around talking and stuff. It's not really going anywhere, it seems. Yeah. S is for suicide. not really going anywhere, it seems. Yeah.

S is for suicide. Yeah, I don't think I... I'm trying to think if I do anymore of the dogs, because they all have their own voice and personality. I think it's funnier that way, if they're like characters. Well, my dogs... I don't have any that live with me at my house, but i have a couple that like my parents still have from when i was little and one of them is 13 gonna be 14 soon i think a little

bishan white fluffball dog that knew how to pee outside would ring a bell up until the point that my parents got divorced and then it took it worse than any of my me and my siblings it just now it just shits all over the place just pees on every carpet just is is a rambunctious little fuck uh part of it's because he's really really old uh and the other part is that he just like wants attention and then um the other one that lives with my other parent right now is a great dog but it's going blind so it fell in the pool like a month and a half ago and it was trying to pee at night and that's probably not boating well but yeah i don't do voices for them or drizzle cheese on them or anything like that the cheese thing does sound funny oh Oh, it's good.

So, like, the way I look at it is, so the dog brings me a lot of joy. I really like having the dog with me and petting the dog. And so its level of happiness is very important to me. Like, I want it to be as happy about the things that I do for it as I am vice versa, you know? So, like, I try to do really nice things that I think the dog would appreciate so like she's got this little the dogs got this little leg so I imagine her leg muscles would be

real sore so I give her like these little tiny leg massages on her little leg muscles and she seems to really enjoy that and I'll cook her her own little meals like if I make a steak I'll make her her own little steak and put it on a plate and everything and chop it up into little pieces it really gets overfed she is overweight at this point. But I feed her. You're giving it steak dinners and showering it in cheese. I do those things, yes.

I feed it really well. It gets people food. Good people food. Not Taco Bell, but cooked steak and grilled chicken and stuff like that. I always give it my food. I really like that dog. It's a cool dog. That's a good way to treat a dog. I always give it my food. I really like that dog. It's a cool dog. Yeah, that's a good way to treat a dog.

We give our dogs dog food, and when they look too fat, we cut back. When they look too thin, we add more. And that's pretty much the way we do it. It seems like the right way to us. You know, she's got some dog food. She's a traditionalist. She has dog food that she eats, and she's supposed she has x amount of

it a day and it's measured and it's some sort of blue buffalo bullshit dog food which i think is outrageous that she's eating like a buffalo or bison meat or whatever and she's this tiny little thing that could never hope to ever overcome a bison in real life uh i think that that's pretty funny but but you know they got into trouble you know I guess they marketed their food as like I don't know less like random fish meal or something than the others and then they tested it and it turned out it was no

it wasn't actually premium dog food at all oh my god I've eaten dog food before when I was like 8 I think I might have told this story my mom was making tuna casserole, which I fucking hate tuna casserole. I don't like any kind of casserole really. Ever since I was a kid, it just grosses me out. And I was like eight and my dog had a bowl in the corner.

I wanted to show my mom how much I really hated her fucking casserole and I wasn't going to stand for it anymore. God damn it. And so I snuck around the corner to where I could see her cooking it. And I just started eating dog food from the dog's bowl, ate the entire bowl of dog food. So when I sat down, she was like, Taylor, you're going to eat something. You're going to have some of the casserole. I'm like, nah, I already ate a whole bowl of dog food. Taylor, that's disgusting. And my dad was laughing like, well, he already ate, you know? It's fine.

He's like, are you really? You're really not going to have any casserole? I slaved over this for you, and you eat dog food instead? I can't believe that. I can't believe you just eat dog food. That's a great one. Did it work? Yeah, I didn't have to eat casserole. I already fill up on dog food.

But I mean, like, going forward. How did it play out? Yeah. Oh, like, she really didn't make that anymore, because she knew I would sneak in and on dog food. I mean, like, going forward. How did it play out? Yeah. Oh, like, she really didn't make that anymore because she knew I would sneak in and eat dog food. That's how I got out. I was just, like, a little bit of a troll. I have to explain that to someone.

Like, some third party is present. She's like, why is Taylor eating dog food? Oh, he prefers it to my cooking. Yeah, he prefers that to my casserole. Hey, why is that whole corner of your dining room, all the wallpaper peeled off? Well, we used to implement timeout for Taylor, and now we don't anymore.

He ruined the whole corner of the room by tearing all the wallpaper down, and so now he just has a run of the place. It was great. Lots of little antics. It's been worse with future relationships, hasn't it, since then? Many girlfriends have looked back at that

and done the same thing like it worked with mom it probably works with the girlfriends the first time I ate a big bowl of dog food in front of Melissa she was a bit hesitant but now she's got that fancy skillet she doesn't know yet she doesn't listen to the show

actually I don't know so hopefully it doesn't ruin it I think. She doesn't listen to the show. Actually, I don't know. So hopefully it doesn't ruin it. I think it goes up on like the 25th. Oh, then we'll be good. It'll be all set. Well, Merry Christmas. Yeah. And other holidays that you may or may not observe.

And, you know, whatever. What did you get for your chick, Kyle? Oh, I know. I always like the phrasing. What did you get for your chicks kyle oh i know i always like the phrasing what'd you get for your chick is that what you said yeah okay and you got her nothing yeah no i haven't gotten her anything i'm not sure if i will um cape yeah i should get one of these capes so she can fly away yeah um i probably won't get her a cape. Even after all that talk we had about it? Yeah, I'm not sold quite yet. Woody didn't change any minds?

I mean, she could probably use some winter wear, but I just don't know if a cape is the ticket. I don't really plan on getting her anything. I don't know. I think the cape's a good idea for Woody to get Jackie. Like, just another... How many capes does Jackie have? Ooh.

She must have about five. I don't know. Like, that was a good over-under. I think I'd take the under. She might have four. I don't know. That was a good over-under. I think I'd take the under. She might have four. I don't know. Wow. That's a lot of capes.

That's a thing. I hope that plays in his head every time he sees her in a cape from now on. I can't wait until next week when we get her back on the show, and she's totally going to model some capes for us, right? I can't wait for this. I want to see it. We've got a lot of stuff going on oh and you know what we do need to do

is we need to settle on a knife design I feel like we should each pick one and maybe let the fans vote on it because they're the ones that are going to be potentially buying it yeah a little poll would be easy to do right maybe for next week's show we'll have them prepared or something like that

Kitty said there's no rush at all, but she did mention it. She said we could get it going in January and get the ball rolling. But whatever. We're going to do some PK branded folding knives. We thought that would be fun to do. We've got kind of an in with a nice knife manufacturer. Yeah, I think any of that's cool, especially if it's unique

to the channel that you're a part of. There probably aren't a lot of knives for channels. Yeah, we're just going to laser engrave the thing. I think that'll be... Yeah, very cool. I was looking for topics earlier and does anyone else have a topic i

don't love mine i've got a video that's kind of funny well i brought up the pep thing for a reason well we can do donald trump that'd be fine oh not donald trump but uh i don't know why i said donald trump i'm sorry donald trump is is a decent topic because he's always ridiculous. But I was thinking, what's his name at the Miss Universe pageant? Steve Harvey. Yeah. Steve Harvey. I'm not big with the names. Should we watch it together?

We can. Yeah, let's do that. We haven't watched a video this entire episode. This guy. See, I'm pretty supposed to dislike this guy i see i'm predisposed to dislike this guy he's got these thoughts about manhood and religion and how anyone who doesn't line up with him is just not good that he's intolerant that's why he's a fucking intolerant asshole he is i've read that about him before wings has not messaged me back about this hot sauce god damn itmit. Come on, Geordi.

When are you guys throwing a link into Skype for this? Or should I just Google it? I'm on it now. I found one. Mine's five minutes, but I think we'll watch it anyway. All right. I've seen it. It's pretty good. It takes a little while to unfold.

I don't know that I'd want a real abridged version. Okay. Wait for Taylor to return, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. wait for Taylor to return I guess yeah do we want to watch the synchronize or just want to watch it discuss I've definitely synchronize it's gonna be so I'll pause right this thing's coming on 12 million views and it's two

days old. So embarrassing. I read about this, actually. Yeah. Alright. Girlfriend wants a cat. What do you guys think? Thoughts? Yeah.

Cats are Lomain. It's stuck between no and hell no. That's kind of where I'm at. Yeah. Nothing to do with cats. I just don't want a pet. I hear you. I don't like the way they destroy furniture with their front claws.

I'm not sure about that either. Their urine is like a special kind of stinky. Oh, my God. Like ruining urine. Go on. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have interrupted. I see. Go on. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have interrupted. Never mind. I wanted to find the part of the Steve Harvey thing

where it actually happens and I found that part and this is the first time I've seen it. Oh, alright. Let's do it. Can we start at zero? Is Taylor back? Yeah. I don't know if we should start at zero because here's what happens. He announces the winner and then two minutes and 30 seconds go by in which they're literally celebrating.

Like she's dancing and music's playing and they're putting a new sash on her and she's being real happy. And then if we started at two minutes and 30 seconds. Can I sell you on two? That way we'll at least have some anticipation, some buildup. We'll start at two minutes even. I'm there. I am good to go. Ready, set, play. He's just announced that Miss Columbia is the new Miss Universe.

And she is very hot. She easily could be Miss Universe. Come on, Woody. Look at that jawline. He's got a jaw like a pit bull. Trump is just trolling the Latinos. That's what this is all about. He's trolling most everyone.

Yeah. Oh, he owns this, doesn't he? He used to. Oh, look at him. This is one of my favorite parts! Look. Look how unhappy he is! He's dragging his fat, disgusting ass across the stage

in this shitty, I-have-awful-posture-no-energy-dickbag move. Here we go. He should've told her first. Though she doesn't speak English, probably. I have to apologize. Oh, shit. speaking it was probably oh shit look at her she's like what what do you guys about Steve what the fuck Steve is Columbia. Look at her face!

Look at her face! Oh! Miss Philadelphia can't believe it. She's not used to winning in life. She's like, what? Is it possible? Miss USA is like, yeah, this shit happens all the time. Oh, wow. So sad.

I'll miss USA one. No. No. Now the same music is playing as they just played for the other chick. They're just playing it again. Get this imposter! Holy shit. Look, she's still out! They should be showing us the girl who just got devastated here. They're trying to get the camera off of Ray. I don't know.

They're gonna have to take that bitch's crown off! Yeah, they do. I'm sorry about the jumpy audio. I don't know if it recorded bad, but on my machine I'm not doing great. Ow. This is sad. You know, I knew that this happened, but I hadn't seen the video until now. And wow, this is so much more awkward than I imagined it to be. Like, this is dragging out. And the music, I thought they came out and was like, hey, you know, without the crowd screaming, without the music, and just explained it.

But look, look at this. Look at this. I'm going to have to take your crown now? Yeah, right? Ugh. Hmm. Oh, yeah, you fucking dickbag. Take control.

I take full responsibility. Of course you will, shithead! Yeah, it was! He looks like a candy cane all dressed up. It is my mistake. How terrible. Yes. We're gonna- OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH She had kneeled down so this other chick could get the crown off her head. That was awful. You're ahead of me.

It's just happening now. That competes on a level of discomfort with Kyle's dog voices. Easily. Easily. I would have rather seen you post that than Steve Harvey. Yeah, right. I'd have had some fun with that part. Jesus Christ.

Who the real winner is, and not this dumb whore who won on accident. I take no responsibility. Exactly. I take full responsibility. Right, and what consequences are you giving your money back like yeah of course it's your fucking fault we all know what the card said there's no one else to hold responsible that's why you're taking full responsibility one no consequences two there's no way out you fucked up steve harvey you fucking

douchebag so what happens so what does the survey say? What's the optimal position? What does he do? So again, I mean, I know I get accused of this sometimes when I'm on this show for devil's advocating a little bit too much, but what is his optimal response in that situation? So he has fucked up. You're in that situation. You're in his shoes. You just read it wrong and you realize that. And perhaps you really are just particularly slow and it takes you two minutes to freaking

get around to that. Maybe not, but either way. So what do you do? What do you do to like undo this huge mega fuck up you've just done i would jog to the parking lot and leave i mean that comes to mind but he certainly did a better job than that right because he's at least being like well shit at least i gotta at least i have to fess up so what what is the better response woody i'm curious i'm not gifted at pr obviously right um it would work better for me if he said he was sorry right i didn't get that from him you know there wasn't a it just i take responsibility this is the person who actually won hey it was still a great night right everybody right that's literally what he fucking said still

a great night no it wasn't a fucking great night, you fucking shithead. You ruined it. And, like, I don't know. Someone's got a lot of distress that they wouldn't otherwise have. And, um... Aw, that chick was so fucking hot. Like, I hope she's not letting this hold her down too much.

It might work out well for them. When you're that hot, like, say what you want about anything, but when you're that hot. When you're that hot, say what you want about anything, but when you're that hot, when you're that hot, life has a way of taking care of itself. She could literally stumble down a street and fall into happiness. She's good, okay? I don't feel that bad for her. I, like you, know a little bit about Steve Harvey,

and I also don't care for him. I think he's a shitty individual, and not all that funny either for the most part. I think what he does on the Family Feud is just so hacky and just the same bit over and over. It's my tracks TV. I don't blame you. Why do you dislike him other than, I guess, Family Feud?

Because I really don't know much about the guy. Some of the rhetoric that he spewed about about what a man ought to be doing, like family life stuff stuff and lots of religious garbage that he wants to cram down your throat very judgmental douchebag who takes his intolerant intolerant yeah but intolerance and religion for me are one in the same almost like you don't see very many tolerant christians you know it's it's my way or you're not saved it's my way or you know you're going to burn in everlasting hell.

You know, I have it right. And I'm sure there's other Christians who are. But the people I'm exposed to are always like, I'm saved. I'm going to have a wonderful afterlife. You're really fucked unless you're more like me. And that's just what intolerance is. And Steve Harvey is that guy to the extreme. It's, you know, why would you ever date someone

who wasn't saved why would you ever you know what kind of man would do that you know that guy ought to check his man card in that kind of stuff and it's he's he's a total douchebag like i i think this is a really funny thing and you know it seems like these pageants are just a great breeding ground for these awkward moments. Because I think we all remember when Miss Teen USA or whatever she was, like, vomited retardation out onto the microphone that night. Oh, from South Carolina. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was so embarrassing. And the fact that she's from a southern state.

She said she had long-lasting issues that came about from that. You know, it being 50 million views, 100 million views, whatever it was, just on YouTube. And her becoming a meme and something to be mocked and made fun of. But Steve Harvey makes a good target, so fuck him. Yeah, fuck Steve Harvey. I often see this like, oh, this guy's life was ruined. Take it from me. Lives are pretty durable if you're not a shithead.

I must have 50 million views worth of shit I don't like across everybody's different channels and even my own. Years would go by where it seemed like my comment section was just for hatred or whatever. Life's pretty durable.

Keep on keeping on.'ll pass uh when i see someone oh the uh there was someone she caught a ball basically a little kid caught a ball at a stadium and she pretty much took it from that kid have you guys seen yes yes i'm familiar very and she's like oh my life was ruined really that. Really? That ruined your life? Your life was shit anyway, I guess. I think you're wrong about this. Here's the difference. Because here you can't compare your situation to theirs because you're already kind of minor league internet celebrity or whatever we are these days. And so you've already taken a step into the water as far as having a lot of people who know you and know about you so there's that thing there's that thing but you've also already got your life

together you've got a wife you've got your kids your family's already accepting of your your public persona lifestyle whatever that entails you're not likely to be going out to any job interviews you kind of got that sewn up you're doing your own thing you're self-employed meanwhile if you compare that to somebody like miss south carolina who then like i think she's in school maybe at the time or something like that you know then she's got to go to college she's got to try to get jobs she's got to try to like date people like one of the first things i do when i meet somebody is i google them to see if there's anything i can learn about them or what's going on with them or whatever first thing they get first, digital imprint that anybody gets

from her is like, she's a moron. Not only is she a moron, but she's that moron that the world ridiculed there for a few days. Like, she's a laughing stock, she's a joke. Like, you wouldn't hire her maybe? I've hired a lot of people. I don't even know, I probably hired like 50 or 70 people in my life.

And, you know, if she were to come in and i knew that she did that she had the one time on stage where she didn't answer questions smoothly that would not impact the hiring process at all i i would say there's probably some things that go along with her bumbling that question because she bumbled that question in a way that i don't feel like a normal human being would you know know what I mean? She looks way off. Not even like a cogent thought. I feel like it's who you are. You know the woman that's the meme, the

overly attached girlfriend meme? Are you familiar with her? Bug eyes. So she entered a contest where she redid a Justin Bieber song and she did it as like a stalker kind of overly attached whatever. If she were a loser she would be like oh my god that totally ruined my life it was unrecoverable i became a meme it was awful it

was ever it you know like it just destroyed me different she's not instead she's like you know what i'm gonna run with this here's another This is me. Now I'm a vlog channel. Now I'm happy. Oh, yeah. She's fine. She's like, you know, it turns out your 15 minutes of fame lasts a little longer than I thought it was going to. This is cool. No, I think the two are very different, though, because

the overly attached girlfriend meme is really tongue in cheek. You don't really think she's a bad person because whenever you're using it, you're usually talking about your significant other in a semi-positive light. You're describing things that your loved one did for you. It's not a really negative meme.

Even the scumbag Steve one is or whatever, that's pretty negative. And you've seen what that guy's done later on. He really is a scumbag, it seems. But I feel like the one where she's out there just making a fool of herself, and you've seen what that guy's done later on like he really is a scumbag it seems uh but but i feel like the one where she's out there just making a fool of herself just it makes her look bad long term i feel like she really looks dumb like and in a way that's difficult to relate to to be fair you just were talking about how uh you know like whatever that the clip was miss

universe what was that miss what we just saw? Miss Universe. Oh, this, right. Yeah, you're just saying that, like, she could stumble down a street, fall, and find happiness. And then you've gone around and said that this other girl needs to now be worried about the fact she's prepared as dumb. I mean, I feel like she's not nearly as hot. Not nearly as hot. She's pretty hot.

Miss South Carolina versus runner-up Miss Universe, all right? Like, that's where you are. You've got that chick, like, Miss Philippines. Philippines's where you are. That chick, Miss Philippines, what was the other one? Whatever she was, is some sort of exotic beauty who could totally get hooked up with some billionaire oil tycoon or something and just live the rest of her life in happiness.

I thought Miss Columbia was just regular gorgeous. You know, not like... Whatever, she's second to Miss Universe. I'm not going to say, like, you know... I'll say this. I think every college campus in America has a woman as beautiful as Miss Columbia. They do, and they are also going to find life quite a bit easier than an ugly person. Yeah, Miss South Carolina just wasn't as hot comparatively.

I didn't think so. I feel like you could find a Miss South Carolina. She needed to be hotter. That fucking mouse is terrible. Comparatively, I didn't think so. I feel like you could find a Miss South Carolina It literally fixes it I've done that a thousand times Might be a Miss South Carolina at Zaxby's tonight Yeah, I did it's gone now uh where is this woman i have i haven't seen her so i don't know i the only picture i have is unflattering i can show you uh but but the take home from that kyle is she needed to be hotter to be that dumb miss south carolina yeah my mouse is working great now

you have to be very hot to be that dumb. Is this a transcript of what she said? Yes. The question was, recent polls have shown a fifth of Americans can't locate the U.S. on a world map. What do you think this is? Why do you think this is? I personally believe that

U.S. Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don't have maps and i believe that our education like such as south africa and uh the iraq everywhere like such as and i believe that they should our education over here in the u.s should help the u.s or should help south africa and should help the iraq and the asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for our children beep your time is up like that's how it went it's so bad it sounds like she had good intentions the whole way through but just didn't connect on anything you know she included uh the asian

countries and the iraq uh lots of areas that need help she just couldn't fumble the question bring it full circle a question she did it poorly come on look if you put a lot of i look at that and i say oh yeah that's what every person who's ever called into pka sounds like never no i've never i've never heard a real person sound like that oh come on they're bumbling idiots we stopped doing viewer every viewer wants to call in right they're all very excited you should do it you should do it and what they really mean is i want to get on the show and then you put them on the show and they're just i mean i'm sure there's exceptions out there but the people that we've had just almost without exception suck at it they sound like her you guys kept taylor the sub on for a while he did better

he had like impressions and stuff and you know he was an an exception. But there are plenty of people who get up like her and just can't string a thought together, can't tell a story, realize that suddenly everyone's looking at them. But that's not her first rodeo either. What I see from that is, A, she's a dum-dum. I feel like there's not a lot going on there to begin with. B, she's been coached up a lot. You can tell she's got pre-planned phrasing

and ways to frame up a good argument. They should have pre-planned that a little harder. The Iraq? The Iraq and other countries such as in, or the Asian country, you know, like she had big words that had been plugged into her and she had some semblance of the way to connect them all together,

but it was like her brain was going I didn't have an answer and she was in a situation where she can't say oh fuck I don't know it's just you don't have to do that right that that question's easy she again the question is that most that like a third of Americans couldn't

locate the US Americans can't locate the US on a world map why do you think this is? Yeah, that's easy. Fill the answer. Go. It's a ridiculous statement. I'd really love to A, see the polls on that and B, if there is a problem, it's an education problem. There's no way that we shouldn't be able to

point out where on the map we're fucking from. That's ridiculous. Didn't even mention that. I'm going to say that I don't know that your answer would go over a lot better there were at least two f-bombs in there well am I

in the style of fucking maps come on you can throw something you know you can say something like you can talk about the importance of knowing where we are not just you know on this planet but in the universe.

This is an overarching problem we've got here, where if we could understand that we're all on the same planet, we're all working together, and know where we all are, maybe we could connect. Now you're off the weeds. You've just totally dodged the question there. Yeah, he didn't do so well either. Education.

I would add that on to, well, clearly it's education. These kids need a fucking world map in front of them. And so my point and going, that's us, right? Is there any other answer? Honestly, it's just a failure in our responsibility. I guess you could expound upon the importance. And then just, just, it wouldn't be that bad. Taylor did it well.

And now me having it not be a pop question and heard three other answers, I think I could do it well too. But recent polls have shown a fifth of Americans can't locate the U.S. on a world map. Why do you think this is? You don't have to be like a skilled orator in polling error. Kyle could have been a meme too with his

well, we really need to know where our space is, not just in the world, but in the universe and the importance of... I was going to add that on to obviously a map. Put a map in front of them. It's education. Clearly, that's the core answer to the thing.

I think, I mean, what is the point? He's trying to be like, no one is doing that amazing on the first try on this. But here we are, all three of us, coming into this with no indication that this is what we're doing. We're not here in a beauty pageant making this answer, right? This isn't what... I mean, if you're talking about coaching and preparation for this and this is kind of an easy question honestly i mean what is the answer to this besides anything besides education what else could there possibly be of a problem i feel like that makes it a

challenging question to answer well anyway like yeah you know hey a lot of people don't know how much an average dog weighs what do you think we should do about this i don't know fucking tell them like mandatory dog weighing class you know like like in this case you can't find the us on a map what do you think of that what do you think it's embarrassing it's embarrassing that i like that that's off the top of my head like i'm embarrassed that if that's a true poll and i'd like to say i would like to see more that's an anti-american statement but you're not on answer five. After having read her answer twice, having seen me answer, you answer,

Taylor answer, Woody got another answer, you're now on the next answer. I don't know. She should have just bit the bullet and been like, honestly, I'm one of those five, so I don't feel it's fair to pass the judgment. I just think it's hard. I feel judged.

As part of that 32% that can't, man, it's not 32, I'm on a roll here, just let it's hard. I feel judged. As part of that 32% that can't. Man, it's not 32. I'm on a roll here. Just let me keep going. I mean, honestly, I don't even think I could name all 30 states. I like that twist. 20% of Americans can't find the U.S. on a map. Why do you think that is?

You could tear down our educational system. You could talk about the breakdown of parents or who knows what but that's certainly a negative spin you know it's no fun is that could that possibly be real do we have a quote do we have a site for this because it just seems so absurd really oh the clip is real i promise you i've seen it first thing on youtube no he's talking about the the poll the stat i think i want to know really, where are they polling that we're seeing a fifth of Americans can't locate the U.S. on a world map? Yeah, if that's some weird study, then it's definitely got some biased methodology where they're trying to figure out how high the percentage they can say that are retarded. Because it's always fun to poke at the U.S.

You'd be surprised, you know, if you don't color the countries in different colors. You just make it all one big continent. Like, they're not used to seeing that, most people aren't. They haven't, a lot of people have never seen a map where it's not just... So it's people who have imprecisely defined the borders? Because, like, I mean, like, it feels like you're not going to miss, like, North America, right? And then, center of North America, you're pretty much there. If there were five continents, it might, there might be an excuse.

If there were five continents, it might, there might be an excuse. If there were five continents, it might, there might be an excuse. If there were five continents, it might, there might be an excuse. If there were five continents, it might, there might be an excuse. If there were five continents, it might, there might be an excuse. If there were five continents, it might, there might be an excuse. If there were five continents, it might, there might be an excuse. If there were five continents, it might, there might be an excuse.

If there were five continents, it might, there might be an excuse. If there were five continents, it might, there might be an excuse. If there were five continents, it might, there might be an excuse. If there were five continents, it might, there might be an excuse. If there were five continents, it might, there might be an excuse. If there were five continents, it might, there might be an excuse. If there were five continents, it might, there might be an excuse. If there were five continents, it might, there might be an excuse.

If there were five continents, it might, there might be an excuse. If there were five continents it might there might be central america and alaska to scale like you'd throw some people off i don't think so i i feel like it is pretty difficult to get through school through like eighth grade schooling yeah through eighth grade of public school without knowing how to find the u.s on a mat it just gets drained into you. So it said 20% of... I'm going to Google the exact quote. Fifth of Americans can't locate the U.S. on a world map. Fifth of Americans can't locate the U.S. on a world map. That is some good typing, I would say.

Anyone else impressed? Yeah, I really feel like that was pro-level typing. I like the reverb from that. It makes it sound like it's important. Do you think you could get every single... I have a friend, or probably a couple of friends, who can't get every single state in the US.

I probably couldn't do that, honestly. I tried it recently. I think it had to do with the subreddit. They gave you a site where you were... Oh, as you typed it in it like cut off the list or something like that. And it's just a countdown. Every time you spelled a state name correctly, the number went from 50 to 49, if I remember it right.

And I only got to like 47 or something. It was time, maybe five minutes. And I ran, even an infinite amount of time, I'd name them all. But in five minutes, I didn't get them all. Coming up with... Yeah, I see an article here about this, but I'm trying to find the part where... It wants me to click on Missouri.

Are you serious? This one's not easy for regular people i got arkansas fuck second try click on virginia click on delaware click on minnesota that's the one the midwestern states to get me i got wisconsin fuck that up click on on Texas. Click on Colorado. How embarrassing. Oh, I am tearing it up. Click on Hawaii. I bet you are. That doesn't surprise me.

Oh, Vermont? Yeah. I know that you're the one shaped like a V. Don't try and fuck with me. Click on Tennessee. Click on Ohio. Oh, these freaking presidentially critical states. I'm all over it. Click on Idaho. I mean, to presidentially critical states. I'm all over it.

Click on Idaho. I mean, to go back to the original question, Kyle, I mean, I kind of went through a little bit. I mean, in the sense that, like, okay, let's say she choked on this question and fucked it up, right? I mean, it's shitty. This is a really terrible response. But, like, just how terrible that response is.

It's not even really related to the question or really related to much of anything. It's just kind of buzzwords thrown together in kind of a semi-coherent rambling sentence. Yeah, she'd been coached up in some manner, and it just didn't work out very well there. For the record, I misclicked South Carolina and did North Carolina, but only because my dog was hitting me. Because you live there. Yeah, the dog was hitting my arm at the time.

I don't think people want to watch me play this game. I just realized now I'm not recording it. Anyway. I don't think I've met someone who couldn't identify the U.S. on a map. To hear that one in five don't. Right? I don't think I've met someone who couldn't identify the US on a map and to hear that 1 in 5 don't I don't think that's true I read a little deeper and it seemed that that was a bullshit statistic that's what I'm saying that was the first part of the response

that I gave which is like I'm really questioning that statistic if you were just like bullshit I don't believe you that'd be fun I think that that's a fake statistic that you're feeding me because it's particularly troubling and hard to answer. I think you made it up.

That's a great answer. That would get attention. And if you're right, if it pays off, the big story would be Miss South Carolina outsmarts the beauty pageant. Yeah, that would be a big story. But in the position. I don't think that's a real thing. And they'll be like, well, I mean, it is.

Oh, well, I don't think that's good. Like, there's no big win in that. That would have been a better answer than she gave. What you just did right there was a better answer, right? Yeah, which is why I'm saying that all you need to be is just not a complete idiot and if you could like trans if you could put any of our minds into the body of one of these super sexy women and let us do the answer portion or like the answering portion i would just diddle myself all it would be a bloodbath we would destroy like right before we went backstage and played vagina dj furiously it was awkward pacing too because you go like you know like

buddy goes i diddle myself and you go it'd be a bloodbath phrasing marks all over the trailer wall wait what sex marks all over the trailer suction marks somewhere you like stick those dildos on the side of the ah yes i would leave the trailer with the slime trail like a snail yes oh it's uplifting way to end that topic you want to call the show there? I'm terribly hungry. Yeah. I'm pretty hungry too. I've got to order a pizza or struggle through a meal.

I feel awful for like – I feel like there was a two-thirds to the show where I just wasn't the best version of me and I was hungry. That's fucking ridiculous, right? I've gone whatever, 20 hours without food. Humans can do that. And here I am acting like I barely made it. But anyway, I feel better. Got some food in me now. I'm ready to work tonight.

All right, guys. That was PKA episode 262. Yeah. Check out the merch store. Yeah. Links in the description.