Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #264

Episode Date: January 14, 2016

This week on PKA, the guys are joined by anti-feminist Kingpin, Milo Yiannopoulos and they discus gay sex roles, Milo's love for Kyle and some threesome advice.

All right, we're live. Painkiller already, episode 264. We have two sponsors tonight. Our first is Dollar Shave Club. We'll be talking more about them later in the show. Shave Time, Shave Money, Dollar Shave Club. And our second sponsor of the night is Club W. So Club W is the easiest way to get great tasting wines straight to your door.

New sponsor for us. And once again, you'll hear more about them later in the show. Big guest tonight. Milo, I have seen hours of you on YouTube yeah if people don't know who Milo is he is like a pinch hitter special guest this is my impression of him anyway

on these news shows when some like fucking whale of a feminist comes on and says that my dorm room at Yale with the Steinway piano downstairs is not a safe space, they bring in Milo to harpoon her. When some feminist says that we are not making equal pay compared to guys, they bring in Milo to point out her humanities degree. A modern day Ahab. Do you know the best thing is I have a very young fan base.

And as a result, they are the most enthusiastic like memers and Photoshoppers and whatever. One of the most popular, one of the most common things they do is they do me as like Ahab on like a movie poster with a giant harpoon. And this sort of huge whale and pick whatever feminist of the month it is that i destroyed like on on sky news most recently this poor little feminist in the whale's head um but yeah no it's it's my it's a it's a it's a a metaphor i'm very fond of so thank you for that introduction i i hear i thought it was original idea i thought of it while driving today whatever you thought of 4chan got there first and probably six months beforehand. Yeah, undoubtedly. So how do you like this job of yours? Like, I don't know,

is this a good gig? I get paid to be me. I have the best job in the world. I get paid to ridicule and to humiliate the worst people on the internet. You know, the bullies and abusers, the social justice lunatics who are most guilty of all of the things they preach against. You know, they are the people who are the bigots, the bullies, the, you know, the harassers. They are the people who make people's lives a misery for no good reason. They are the people who come after people on the basis of skin color, sexual orientation, you know, the famed evil straight white male. My job is to make these people's lives miserable because they deserve to be miserable because they are terrible, awful, abusive, you know, dreadful people. And I get paid to do this. It's the best job in the

world. I think they're wrong, but I think their heart is in the right place. No? No. My view on this is slightly different. I mean, you can take a charitable interpretation. You can say, well, you know, social justice, isn't that a good idea? I mean, like in principle, don't we all want to be equal? Well, yes, we did. And we do, of course.

Like everybody believes in equality of access and opportunity. Everybody believes that everybody, regardless of skin color, sexuality, orientation, wherever you come from, whoever you are, you should have equal access to all of the institutions that Western civilization has to provide, has to offer. That's not what feminists want. Feminism has morphed into a sort of female chauvinism, into a sort of female supremacy that is intent on ridiculing and demeaning and belittling men. And it's also not what the Black Lives Matter movement wants. It isn't interested in equality. It's interested, again, in black chauvinism. And amazingly, like mind-blowingly, it's interested in segregation. It wants black people carved off into, you know, separate dorm rooms, separate safe spaces. The KKK and Black Lives Matter don't use much of the same language, but the world they want us to get to isn't that different. So my mission in life is to remind people that equality was a good idea when people were actually

fighting for it. But the current generation of social justice warriors we have, in my view, are just a new generation of authoritarian bullies. In the 90s, it was perhaps the religious right who wanted to tell everybody else how to live. The people at Marilyn Manson and Brett Easton Ellis were annoying on a daily basis. Those were the guys who everybody likes to wind up because they were the bad guys. They were the authoritarians. They were trying to tell everybody what a morally virtuous life looked like. If you want to be a bully today, you don't join the church. You go get a job at Gawker.

And these people aren't virtuous, upstanding citizens. These people aren't fighting for equality or justice. These people are bullies. Okay. So there was a study that came out in 2013 that showed that girls got higher grades based on how attractive they are, regardless of the gender of the teacher. Whereas with guys, how attractive they were had no impact on their grades. Yes. That doesn't imply that there's still progress to be made?

No, it doesn't. No, not at all. What people don't understand about women having competitive advantage for being hot is that it's precisely that, a competitive advantage. If you can be bothered to make yourself look good, you will get advantage in the workplace. Let's remember that you don't get born as like some sort of hideous blue haired land whale. You choose to become that because you decided to drop out of society and you've decided to give up on beauty standards and give up on yourself. And you have such low self-esteem or you hate the world, you hate

your parents so much, whatever it is. You've decided to eat, to become fat, to get piercings, to get blue hair. You've decided to turn yourself into the most unattractive and repugnant specimen that you can imagine. That's fine, but you don't get any of the benefits that go with looking good. And the difference between women and men is women can make themselves look good. Men are kind of stuck with what they have because there's a limited amount that any of us can do. We don't have the hair options, the clothes options, the figure options. One of the things that my female friends who work in technology always tell me is, oh, there's all this stuff about where the hot woman walks in the room and everyone's looking at her. These crazy feminists say that this is an example of sexism. My

friends are like, are you fucking kidding me? I spend three hours a week in the gym and if I walk in the room, everybody's looking at me, all eyes are on me. That is the most extraordinary competitive advantage which no man has. And it's there for the taking for any woman who chooses to take advantage of it. And it's also not a zero sum game. It's not something that like if some women have it, other women can't have it. All women can be hot if they choose to be and if they do choose to be, every man will be like, you know, know like following around with their tongues rolling out. You know look at the extra attention that women get when they run technology start-ups or indeed anything else.

You know look at any supplement where like you know women are like women in tech, women in politics, women in business, women get more attention not less. They are immediately listened to, they get more plaudits, more platforms, more money, more special treatment. And that doesn't just go for the workplace, but right the way down to education, where there are special programs for women, programs to get women into any subject you care to mention. There will be a specific grant bursary scholarship for women. There's nothing for men. Anything you care to mention, women are structurally advantaged in a way that men, perhaps, yes, used to be. But that has changed.

And it's changed very quickly. It's changed inside a generation. It's changed inside the last 15 years. But the young men growing up today, who are younger than anybody on this show, the young men growing up today of 20, 22 years old, do not recognize the world that feminists describe. They grow up in a world where they're put on drugs in school because they're told that they should be, they're held up to sort of feminine behavior standards. And if they're too boisterous, they get put on Adderall. What is it, one in seven American kids are on Adderall now? Why?

Because teaching and behavior standards have become feminized. The exams have been changed to suit the way that women learn better, more coursework, less exams, because that's what women are good at. With the result that women are now going into university more. There are more women at university, more female graduates. Women get higher grades, lower attrition rates for women. The young people, my audience, people sort of 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22. I mean, lots of older people read me too, but the people I really kind of work for, I guess, are the people who are living through a society that is structurally engineered against men. And that can sound so preposterous to anybody our age, but it's reality.

You're making some very strong points here. I'm starting to drink the Kool-Aid. Yeah, I already drank. That was great. This is why Milo is however many debates he had and zero as a win-loss record. I like the way that you use your gayness as like an invulnerability shield too, where it's like if you were a straight white guy saying all this same shit going on TV, you wouldn't be high enough on the victimhood poll to get away with it. No, but I'm an example of why they should stop this ridiculous identity politics. this stuff and could get away with this stuff and by get away with you me I mean like you let me tell the truth on TV because you don't let men tell the truth on TV men telling the truth on TV they lose their jobs their reputations they get killed you know they get slaughtered but I'm allowed to say it why because I

like dick like what how does this make sense and the problem that what progressives are realizing is actually maybe this identity politics thing where we give people special privileges because of what they were born as isn't all it's cracked up to be because we've got to a point in society where gays don't mind being conservative and blacks don't mind voting republican this isn't what we had in mind we never imagined this was going to happen what would you know gays are supposed to vote for democrats um now we're at a point where like in the uk for example in the last election 50 percent of homosexuals said they were going to vote for the Conservative Party and the Guardian, our left wing newspaper, reported this statistic with horror.

We're not supposed to go off ideological reservation, we minorities. Actually the reality is this. One, that if you get born black or gay or a woman, the dirty secret that they don't want you to know is you have a fucking ball in life. You have a passport to everything you want. You can say what you you want you can say what you want you can do what you want you can be outrageous and i'm living proof of this um and two that um because of that sort of privileged status and it is like gay privilege in my case progressives don't know how to fight you so they've created a system which is going to destroy them they've created a system where they privilege certain people above others on the basis of skin color, sexuality, or gender. And now they're realizing that those

people they've put in special victim categories might turn around and, you know, horribly ungratefully, how dare they, say, you know what, I don't agree with this. Just a moment though. If gay rights are a top issue for you, undoubtedly the Democrats represent you better than the Republicans. No, gay rights aren't an issue for me at all because everything that gay people wanted they already have. They got this term. Well, obviously I'm a Brit so we've had civil partnership for a very long time.

We had a sort of cosmetic change, it became gay marriage. I understand that it's different in America but you know, this is the inexorable flow of history is moving in that direction. And it was a conservative administration in Britain that brought in gay marriage. I can promise you it absolutely would not have happened under a conservative administration in America. Do you know, I find it difficult to sort of buy into the victimhood culture and the grievance culture when I think about all of my American friends who are homosexuals and I ask them, well, what is it that you can't do in life?

What way have you been disadvantaged versus your heterosexual friends? And they struggle to come up with an explanation. They struggle to come up with an answer to any of this stuff. You know, the marriage thing is now rolling ahead in the US and that's great and that's wonderful. If you look at how homosexuals

are endlessly mollycoddled and pacified and sucked up to by progressive establishment and by the media and conservative media too by the way. And even some Republican politicians find that party maybe a little bit behind some other people but I just don't buy the argument that homosexual women or all women are some kind of oppressed class in America. I can name things, though. Prior to the marriage thing, if you were gay, especially if you worked for a smaller company, it was harder to include that person on your health insurance. They just viewed him like a girlfriend would be.

Has that changed now because of marriage? Well, if you're married, yeah, then absolutely. That person gets treated like a spouse. And you can enroll in a family plan. I don't know the intricacies of American law on this point. So you're inevitably going to be able to suggest things to me that are great. I've got more.

I could talk about taxes. I could talk about of course the big one is hospital visitation rights that pulls heart strings. This doesn't really affect that many gay people. I mean, how many gay people are really in a relationship for that long? They'll all tell you. Dan Savage is in a long-term relationship.

You don't like Dan Savage? There's one person who's done more damage to the image of gay people aside perhaps from Lily Savage or something. It's Dan Savage. I mean, model, awful human being. I like Dan Savage. I don't know anything. Of course you do because he's the friendly lovely homosexual who makes you laugh and has nice progressive principles.

Oh, John's in a long-term relationship. You know, Dan Savage is the lovely, friendly, pocket gay who's never going to step out off the ideological reservation. He has all the opinions he's supposed to have, and he beats those nasty, big, bad Republican bastards in debate. I'm sorry, Dan Savage is a sociopath.

He's a nasty, cruel, peccary, fleeing person who is incredibly vicious to gay people who don't follow his ideological did you guys have a bad breakup is that what this is i'm feeling some stuff boiling up right now i here's here's my impression of dan savage if people don't know he does this a podcast called is it the savage love cast do i have it right i don't know because i don't listen to him because he's an abomination i haven't listened to him for a long time because i don't drive anymore what i will tell you though is that you know i don't really talk about gay issues a lot which is you know why i don't know a lot about this stuff because i don't care about it that much because it doesn't affect that many

people what i talk about is heterosexual relationships it's easy for journalists and most of most of most journalists these days write about stuff that affects them directly because they're more activists than journalists. And they, you know, brought up in this identity politics tradition. They believe that, you know, certain political positions should flow from who they are. And they go through a lot, you know, journalism is becoming, you know, very feminized, particularly in new media. And women are just, you know, paid to write about women and how awful men are these days. I took a decision a while ago that it would be easy for me and very lucrative for me to sort of become the kind of like anti-gay gay journalist, for me to be the gay against gay marriage, the gay who's kind of like hates all the... And I thought,

no, actually, I can make much more of an impact telling the truth about 49% of the population who are suffering, and that's men so my most of my work is actually about heterosexual men um not about homosexuals i don't care that much about gays i think gays are doing fine um if there's a group in america today you know who who do deserve some attention and are owed something and have some valid grievances it's probably blacks um i don't think the right way to help them is the black lives matter movement but i think there's some there's there's some valid grievances there i don't think gays have very much to complain about anymore particularly not now gay marriages sort of steamrolling through

and i especially don't believe that women have anything to complain about whatsoever in america today yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna back you up big time on the uh girl thing women yeah yeah you can fucking cry those tears all you want no no i i don't believe it's much easier to be a woman than it is to be a man i of course it is mostly for a multitude of reasons i if i if i were a hot girl oh my god the things the things that i can accomplish but it's like the the rick and morty joke like oh he's not a girl. He can't just drop out of his life and set up shop in someone else's. Like, you can do that as an attractive woman. You can just quit life and source all responsibility.

You laugh, but it's true. And, you know, the interesting thing is this, you know, women who are successful, who are making a go of their lives, who are disciplined and aspirational and optimistic, you know, who look good and work hard, they don't need feminism because feminism is a philosophy for people who have lost at life. And most of the time they've lost at life through their own bad choices. You know, I'm not some kind of like evil monster who doesn't believe in a safety net for people whose lives haven't worked out, you know, as they were hoping. But feminism is, as it has become moving, you know, it's moved on from a, from a philosophy about equality of opportunity and, you know, eliminating bias

and sexism into, as I said earlier, sort of female chauvinism. And I don't, you know, but hold on. It's almost, it's almost gauche just to, for, I've never understood the women's equality movement because I don't understand why women want to step down to equality women already had all the power and they continue to have all the power to play devil's advocate here I'm sorry to jump in we all fall out today aren't we

no I'm too sexy I can tell you're the problem I can tell you're going to like me no no no I adore you if you're a girl who's not really succeeded in school, right? You're 25 pounds overweight and you're trying to earn a living in this world. I think if you're a dude in that same situation, there is a career in masonry for you in which you can make real money, right?

You can be a lumberjack. You can take these difficult but dangerous jobs as a guy that his girls are just closed off to you. I feel like as a guy, I feel like you're inherently more valuable as a strong guy than as a weak girl. If everything else is put, no, dude,

there's valuable just by virtue of being a man, by virtue of being a prostitution. Okay. Strong kind of thing. Offensive. Oh, you prostitution okay strong kind of thing offensive oh yeah you shouldn't make that kind of generalization i don't like that kind of thing um no i mean the fact is women suck at carrying shingles on the top of a roof right they're just typically not good at it my girlfriend i don't think i was aware of just how weak women are because I don't get into the habit of physically restraining them. You should try it.

I don't know. Not when they're really... I was massaging my girlfriend the other night. Her muscles were really sore from working out. I was like, yeah, show me that muscle. She's like, nothing. She's got nothing there. She's really skinny.

All the way to her shoulder. Yeah, she's really skinny. I was tickling her. I don't know. and she's like nothing. She's got nothing there. She's like a wrist all the way to her shoulder. Yeah, she's really skinny and I'm just like I was tickling her and I like, I don't know, I like got her in some half-assed jujitsu thing and I've got all of her limbs controlled but I've got a free arm

and I'm tickling her and I'm like she's screaming, no, stop, no, stop and I'm like, are you resisting right now? I was like, is that all you've got? She's like, yeah. I'm holding her wrist together with one hand. She's got nothing. Well, it's because the reason that it freaks people out

is like, I always wonder, like when I was tickling my girlfriend or whatever, when she like seems like she's genuinely freaking out, like she thinks I might not stop and she might suffocate. I would always think, oh, that's so silly and childish. But it's like if Brock Lesnar pinned me down and was tickling me,

like I wouldn't have a moment of like, oh, Brock, you would be like you gotta fucking stop brock like you can kill me like i'd have such an erection um oh you only like black guys the black thing isn't a hard and fast rule in, my only hard and fast rule is hard and fast. So I don't have a specific rule on the black. No, look, if your argument about women not being equal in society is that they can't be lumberjacks, I think that women are pretty much good. You make it sound stupid.

Come on, I make it sound stupid. Can I step in and just say, like, there's a perfect job for these slightly hefty dum-dums. It's called waitress. That's it. That's what the service is. They're no good at it because they forget things

and they get in a tizzy. If you don't tip them enough, they get really pissed. Women make terrible waitresses because they're so passive-aggressive. I never want a female waitress. The counter to what Kyle is saying is I feel like if you're you know if you're not being an engineer or doctor or whatever right if you're in in one of these other jobs what women can do is a subset of what guys can do and i don't know that we need to give them that's ridiculous i'll tell you what's ridiculous go on um when you look at the professions that are male dominated and

the professions that are female dominated the profession that are male dominated and the professions that are female dominated, the professions that are female dominated don't require as much strength or intelligence, meaning that pretty much any woman can do them. If you look at the academic professions, you can plot majors by gender versus IQ. It's an awkward graph and I don't really want to talk about it, but you've got up the male dominated majors like physics and philosophy and astrophysics, totally male-dominated. All the STEM stuff is all the smart people and it's all male-dominated. The other end, nursing and health and all that kind of stuff. Look, there are some exceptions here.

Women dominate biology, for instance. Women dominate veterinary medicine. And those examples explode the claim that there is some kind of sexism in science. There isn't, because if you think there's sexism in physics, you have to explain why there isn't in biology. That's all nonsense. But the number of jobs that women can do is huge. And the number of jobs that women can do and be remunerated well for without having any particular skills or aptitudes is also huge. And, of course, women have

the option of not working at all, which most men don't. You know, the reality is that women are systematically favored from primary school through high school, through college into the workplace. And if you think that women have, you know, some kind of disadvantage because they're not physically strong enough to be lumberjacks, I'll point you to this thing called globalization. Nobody's really doing that in America anyway anymore. And actually in developing economies, the gender splits in most of these- Well, it's unfair that you pointed to lumberjacks because there are plenty of people doing roofing and framing and masonry and- What kind of a society wants women to be doing these jobs we should be holding these you know

these beautiful angels on a pedestal like what kind of fucked up society wants to send women to the front lines and it's funny when you say that when you talk about career options are you why do you want to set your roof where she could die equal opportunity monster women don't women don't um dominate in these professions not because they can't do it, but because they don't choose to, because they're dirty, and they're dangerous, and they're horrible. Look, there's no woman who is incapable of being a bin man, right?

Of being a trash collector, you would say. No woman is incapable of being a trash collector, but there aren't any female trash collectors. Kyle's girlfriend is totally incapable of being a trash collector. She can't take my trash out. She's not incapable. She's not incapable, she's unwilling. And you know, that's perfectly fine because I don't want to send women to do those jobs anyway. But what I would like at least is some acknowledgement of the fact that it is men who keep the world ticking over.

I feel like, I've watched a lot of you, and you are very happy to acknowledge that there are actual differences between men and women when it works to your advantage, right? You'll say, Hey, look, the reason that women aren't becoming computer programmers is that for whatever reason,

women choose not to become computer programmers. It's not that we're shutting the door to them or not encouraging them to that, to do that. And I can tell you as a, I coded for like 15 years, um, they are absolutely encouraged and supported and they are special fucking

snowflakes even if they suck at their jobs I promise you that's the truth I would even admit that if it's hard to be anything in that career it's a white man we've talked about the hiring practices at Cisco and how everyone there seemed like

they were from fucking India I'd go like a decade without seeing a white guy's resume. You're like, no white guys want to work here? You know, what's interesting is we're constantly told that women are discriminated against in these kinds of professions. Actually, studies are coming out now showing very dramatic gender bias in the opposite direction. 2015 Cornell study shows that women have... Where I was headed to, though, to finish my other point, is you absolutely acknowledge that there are differences between men and women when it comes to things like going into engineering.

But you don't seem to acknowledge that there's differences between men and women when it comes to being a bin collector. No, I do. No, I do. And it's why I don't want women on the front line. It's not just that I think it's ungentlemanly and horrible to expect women to do that, but they're also incapable of doing that. I completely accept that. i completely accept that i completely accept i don't think that any woman is incapable of being a bin man because i don't think being a bin man how you know is some kind of terrible physical thing that people couldn't train for if they didn't want to um like any woman could get healthy and fit enough to do that in three months if she wanted to if she needed a job badly enough if she needed to feed her kids right and any woman who says otherwise is just lazy but i there are things that women can't do. Women can't be in combat units on the front line. Now,

this is a huge thing that I'm going to be writing a lot about in January and February. Women are not well placed on the front line in combat units. Now, I've done a huge amount of research that I haven't published about this yet. You know, even in the fire service, when they have to water down the entrance requirements just so women can pass, you pass, just so women can be what we're now obliged to call firefighters. The worst thing in the world is you wake up and there's a smell of smoke in your nostrils because your kitchen's on fire. You think, oh my God, my life is over. And you think it can't get any worse. It can because when the fire engine pulls up and two chicks get out, you think, well that's my house gone all right guys we're all alone here it's like you're saying

it'd be like lost nails on the floor instead of carrying me out the u.s military has made good steps towards that i if i understand what they've done recently is they've taken the the steps and they've taken the physical requirements and made them job-based instead of gender-based well yeah but this is not this is not a good thing because what they're trying to do what um so the interviews i've done suggest that the top brass in the military are their incentives and their priorities are set by civilian overlords who are generally like politically correct establishment politicians who set them objectives like equality gender gender diversity, like gender split, all that kind of shit.

Now, I'll tell you something. I can't give you too many details because this is quite a big scoop for me, and I'm going to publish it in a week or two. But there's a very well-known female, how can I say this without giving it away? that giving it away. There's a very well-known, very well-publicized female army officer who was famous because she passed what is widely regarded as the world's most difficult basic training. Except she didn't. Because what happened was the instructors who timed her and failed her something like eight times said, you know what, there's no point putting this woman through this. She cannot pass this test. The instructors were sent home, and the brigadiers came down from London,

you know, on a rare occasion in uniform, timed her themselves, and lo and behold, that day she passed. You know, and what happens when you lower the requirement, I mean, you know, you can fill in the blanks there yourself. Why was this done? Politics, not safety, not security, not the best military thing. And also, this sort of thing is not in the best interests of our soldiers. When you talk to Marines, for example, the Royal Marines in the Navy in England,

they have what is widely regarded as the hardest training anywhere in the world, harder than anything in Israel, harder than anything in the in the US. Sorry, guys, but it is. Ask anybody in the American military. Ask anybody in the American military. They'll be like, yeah, the Royal Marines. Okay, that is tough. They get asked about this stuff. They have women fed into their combat units. They know when they do training and they know also because they've been in combat in Afghanistan with women on the front line. What happens?

Men die because men have to carry women over because the women get exhausted and can't deal with it. Women are much more prone to PTSD and they suffer from it much more acutely when they do get it. They freak out on the front lines. They are incapable of performing their physical function. I've also heard that it causes women, or not women rather,

but if they're on the front lines, at least in tests, I've heard that it makes men act in dumb ways, where if it were a man who got shot, they would rationally think, I can't get to him yet. Yeah, so cohesion and morale are the two measures for combat units.

Both of them plummet when a woman is introduced. Why? Because she starts fucking one of them. And she's having sex with one of the guys and it causes complications and problems and issues with the others. This is a serious thing. If you want frontline female combat units, the only way to really do it is put all the lesbians

in a unit of their own and keep the heterosexual women out of it. The dyke squad! They'd be so hardcore they would not do well they would you know what you could like you could call it like the dungaree squad or something you know the send in the carpet munchers i feel like to be killed by the carpet munching squad would you're not getting those virgins if that happens.

That's got to be a great dishonor, right? You're not getting 72 virgins. You're just going to get butt-fucked forever by some black guy or something. That is it. You're going to end up in... Does a Muslim have a hell? Yeah, they do. They don't have Satan.

They have Iblis. I can't remember. Syria. So I think there are lots of issues with the women in combat roles. So let's say that, let's put it in, have you seen that Tom Cruise movie, The Edge of Tomorrow, where everybody's in this fucking egg-chose? All Tom Cruise movies. You ever notice that his teeth don't line up? If you ever notice his, look at his fucking teeth.

No, don't tell me that because I'll never be able to unsee it. Do it, do it. No, fuck you, fuck you. Now I'm never going never be able to unsee it. Do it. Do it. No, fuck you. Fuck you. Now I'm never going to be able to unsee it. Like the middle? It's off. Could you just stop now?

Stop. That's enough. All right. All the soldiers are in those fucking exosuits, which would eliminate any strength issues. A woman in an exosuit? Lift a car up. Whatever. Yeah, but it doesn't eliminate reflexes,

and women are no good at that either. Here's what I'm thinking. I feel like we've spent millions of years evolving to be a certain way, and I feel like the men of our species have certain... Those of us who are still here descend from a group of men who were badasses, who could defend the tribe, or who could go out in the forest and hunt and kill, and when needed, they could go to war with the other tribe, kill them all and take their women.

On the other hand, I don't feel like women have evolved that same sort of killer instinct, that same sort of fight. Well, no, because most women get the chance to procreate whereas most men don't if my understanding is correct. That's exactly right. So men have to try harder and mother nature knows she's got to, so the politically correct way to explain this is that nature, there's a higher degree of variability in men, right? So sexists will say, well, men are just smarter, faster, bigger, stronger, and better. And many men are, you know, the best men at things are always going to be

better than the best women at things generally speaking that's broadly true because for example Marie Curie just doesn't stack up with fucking Einstein does she? another win for us guys well not in a bad way I mean she irradiated herself to death

that is a big strike against you she might have discovered radium but but it killed her too, so. Yeah, no. The way that IQ is distributed, actually, the more we find out about it, the worse the picture gets for women. We used to think that women tend to cluster around the mean and that men have a sort of shallower distribution curve, meaning that there are more male geniuses but also more male knuckle-draggers.

So that's why men fill prisons, but it's also why there's no female Mozart. That situation has changed slightly with some of the more recent data, some of the less politically correct gerrymandered data. And now the suggestion is that there are simply a lot more smart men than there are women. Now, there's a good evolutionary reason for that, and it's exactly what you said. Men don't get the opportunity to breed as often as women do, so they have to compete more. Men are where there's greater degree of evolutionary variability. Men differ more from each other than women do.

I would argue that if you go certainly anywhere in recent times, that intelligent men are not our most prolific breeders yes that's true um that's true and in fact it's something i talked about on um drunken peasants recently um i have a theory well it's not really my theory it's it's a japanese evolutionary science deal it that's what we do on the show right mature mature it's your theory now. Whatever. I've got this theory because I'm gay and really smart that being gay is kind of like a function of being smart. No, so I have this theory that gay people basically are

where Mother Nature makes her experiments. We're kind of like the ultimate uber alpha males. We're so alpha, we don't even fuck women anymore. We fuck dudes. This might explain why gays are so overrepresented in great artists inventors you know military commanders you name it um yeah we're pretty much overrepresented in all of the best classes of human um there are more homosexuals than there ought to be given the number of gays in society why because gays are

where mother nature makes her experiments and this is why to go back to an earlier bit of the conversation i find gay marriage a shame because it's not so much that i have a problem with equality or but i don't think gay people should be able to shack up together if they want to but that sort of domestication of homosexuality that chris vehicians used to talk about is sort of a disaster because it takes gay people out of the environments in which they are most likely to make their greatest discoveries, innovations, or creations. All of the, you know, greatest creative homosexual minds in history have all had dark, seedy, private lives. Alexander the Great was gay. Your present, your present guest, your present guest is no exception. And rule. And taking people out of that.

I mean, you can see it with even heterosexuality. Look at Steve Jobs. He said that taking LSD was the most transformative experience of his life and dictated all of his latest success at Apple. He came to see the entire world differently. Well, we fags do that every night, sister. We're on mind-altering substances and having crazy, like, you know, irresponsible experiences, you know, four nights a week. And that's what makes us great and better and create the sort of innovations that push society and culture forward. argument that that you know not only are men better but homosexual men are the best of all of us um which i'm beginning to buy into not just because it's like you know horribly and transparently self-serving but also because i see it in my own life i disagree though i i think that woody i

thought you would be all on board seeing as how you're at least 60 70 percent by now so you're you're right up there uh yeah milo Milo. Are you semi-gay? Not in actual sexuality, but there's this... The kind of women that he is attracted to are a little... All right, let me pull back a little. I'll give the example. We all, Woody and myself and another guy, went on a whitewater rafting trip. There was a guide on this trip.

She was pretty and very fit. She had a six-pack almost. Why'd you describe her as a guy on this trip. She was pretty and very fit. She had a six-pack almost. Why'd you describe her as a guy? Go on. Because she had a happy trail. She had hair growing from her belly button down to her crotch like a thicket. And Woody was like, that's fucking sexy. That tells me a girl gets down.

I see that, and I think that she will indulge in the kinks. You've told me everything I need to know to explain this. Go on. You're attracted to high T women. You're attracted to women with high testosterone counts. Very often successful, powerful, strong, interesting, like intriguing women are only like that because they're more like men because they have high testosterone counts. And you very often see this with, for example, female news readers. You know, they're like very powerful commanding. Rachel Maddow? testosterone counts and you'll very often see this with for example female news readers they're like very powerful Rachel Maddow

well but yes she's really pretty you know I'm going to need a bucket soon Dan Savage, Rachel Maddow next year is it Megyn Kelly the pretty blonde on Fox

that doesn't really narrow it down so many hot chicks I like, is it Megyn Kelly, the pretty blonde on Fox? She's so hot. She's so hot. So many hot chicks. She's a perfect example of a very high-T woman. She's got that very defined jawline. And also, it's not just the jawline, but also the characteristics, the personality characteristics. So my hunch is, based on the little that i've just heard that you're attracted to high t women that doesn't necessarily indicate homosexuality he likes straw jawline he likes

the happy trail the the body hair he likes um he likes he likes the lady big boobs are not even a concern to him he prefer them to be smaller um so you're not really interested in breeding because you're going for all of the things that don't make good mothers. You're interested in partnering. So you're going for women with high testosterone counts because they're likely to sustain your interest like another dude would. But you're not necessarily that interested in what kind of a mother she would be. There we go. This seems like hard science to me. Now we've got a little psychology mixed in with the gender politics.

He was really doing well, I think, compared to my own introspection. But except that I really do value the mother thing. My wife is married for 20 years-ish. Does she have the trail and the small boobs? She has small boobs, no happy trail. Trail has yet to been disclosed. I didn't even know women had that.

What if she does and you just don't know it? She's been waxing the happy trail for years and you have no idea? But she's a really good mom. Kyle has described her as a professional homemaker. A super mom, yeah. The way you just described it is very objective. You're kind of going into

she's a good mom because people call her a good mom because she's not. No. No. So his wife takes the job of homemaker to a different level. She views it as she works that job as if she has a salary and a manager looking over her shoulder. And she's hungry

for bonuses. She sounds not just perfect, but she sounds like a man. I get breakfast in bed about four times a week but most recently how much accountability does the typical homemaker really have it's not the 50s anymore you can't come home and go like yeah burn it again alice like it doesn't work anymore you gotta be like i like it this way we gotta be a better world if we could, wouldn't it? I want my husband to come home and say, I said six o'clock,

bitch! You know? Dinner's cold again! You know, like a clout around the head, rip off the clothes, quick bit of angry hate sex, and then bed. Maybe this is a good topic next. Dinner tonight was followed up with homemade apple pie a la mode.

We often discuss whether it's correct or not to hit a woman and the situations in which it's okay to strike a woman. This has been a topic of discussion for us many times. And so none of us think that we should be the aggressor in virtually any situation. I don't think there's anything that a woman could be able to say to me to instigate a physical reaction. anything that a woman could be able to say to me to instigate a physical reaction. However, if the woman attacks me physically, I feel like I am 100% in the right doing whatever is necessary to make the attack stop. Even if it's not with a weapon and she's doing like that windmill of nothing attack?

I'll take it a step further. I would say... Not through a punch, but I will push your ass off me and I might choke your ass. In this hypothetical situation, if she goes in to hit you... This all just sounds like sex to me as a gay guy. This all sounds like foreplay. If she goes in to hit you, right,

then you're allowed to win that fight, right? You don't have to just apply the absolute minimum force to deter the threat. No. If she tries to knock you out, I give you permission to try to knock her out. Idealistically, yes, but I don't think you should because no one will take

your side. You can't even be a gay guy like Milo and get away with that. Even I couldn't. I'm discussing right and wrong. If he were black, he could. I have to. Not even that, I don't think. If she was black and he was black and he was gay, then he could beat her.

That's true. You're like progressive stacking right now From her she's got the one female level, but he's but he's got the gay level He's got the black level and he's being attacked. It's a hate crime what she did. Yeah, no, no true I could like a full saw three on her ass and like i'd get out i'd get away with it get you for domestic abuse and you're like oh no this was a hate crime you see this is why i hate hate crimes you know i hate why is why should it be different if if you attack someone it's because you hate them if i go hit someone with a wrench, if I hit a black guy with a wrench versus hitting a white guy with a wrench, I hated them both fucking equally.

That's why I hit him with the wrench. If I didn't attack the black guy with the wrench, that's almost inappropriate. Well, from a legal point of view, it undermines what ought to be a core principle of our legal system, which is equality before the law. What hate crime does is it makes it more of a crime to hit me than a straight guy. Now, I'm thinking to myself, frankly, like I'm kind of an ass. Like it's probably quite reasonable to hit me. Like why should it be more of a crime to hit me than some other poor guy? Anyway, I have two thoughts on the hitting women situation.

One is my natural chivalry because even though I'm a homo i've still i'm still a man and i think i can't help it i still have i know like i just i'm trying to get it out of myself i just can't um my natural chivalry would instinctively i want to say restrain but don't hit back like even if you take a few knocks to the face like it's a woman like put up with it um and that's kind of like that's just sort of my natural instinct but then i've never had like some crazy bitch come at me with a saucepan so i don't know um and the second i mean the second thing i would say is you're you know like don't ever i would just run if i was a man in america today or a man in europe today knowing what i know about how law

enforcement treats these cases and this is my you know like i read a lot about this and I talk to policemen off the record all the time, you know, what they're instructed to do in domestic violence cases to the men versus to the women. Like, it could be a man's house and he's out of there, irrespective of what either of them say. If it's a domestic violence situation, the woman is just believed, full stop, no questions asked, like, until months later when it eventually comes out in court i would say like if a woman you know it's not it's not a natural instinct for a man it's not your natural response but i would say as somebody who has heard from because you know i write a lot

about men's issues so people write to me with this kind of stuff as somebody who's heard from dozens of men who got into domestic violence situations that they did not instigate that eventually um involved the police if a woman comes at you with um it just comes at you generally wanting to physically attack you the only safe recourse is to run because if you don't you're the one that's going to get arrested you're the one that's going to get charged you're the one that's going to lose your shit you're going to lose your kids you're going to lose your marriage you're going to lose everything um no matter this going to lose everything. This is why every straight white man needs a

lesbian friend. You bring her in, she whips the shit out of that bitch, walks right away. Nobody does shit. You need a lesbian friend to keep your woman in line. We finally found a use for lesbians. You have done what I have been trying to do for 10 years. I'm so proud I came on this show. We found

a use for lesbians. There should be a Craigslist section just for lesbian bullies. Yeah, like flexing. Aren't they terrifying? She's got a pretty chick and a headlock, like fucking slinner. Neck tattoos, short hair. You see, you laugh, but what you probably don't know is that the lesbian domestic violence epidemic is one of the great untold scandals uh of western civilization nobody wants to know about this because no

research is done into it because it's politically incorrect and none of the gay charities want to want to tell you about it because it breaks the narrative of gay people being like perfect special glorious snowflakes um but uh the lesbian domestic violence epidemic is an astonishing thing i i wrote an article about it which i very sensitively titled um attack of the killer dykes um and this this piece was about you know just the sheer statistical volume of like you know woman on woman attacks and i'm like and i started i said like you know if you hear of a woman you know being I'm like, so I started, I said like, you know, if you hear of a woman, you know, being kind of like beaten up, left for dead, you know, choked and all the rest of it, you know, in a house near you, chances are it's not a new male serial killer. She probably just got into an altercation with her girlfriend over a triple word score in

Scrabble because the sheer volume. Is that what they do? Scrabble. Very into Scrabble, that culture. Do you have saga in america like saga cruises it's like cruises it's like a catalog for old people like you get to 50 uh you get to 50 years old and you can sign up for the saga catalog and it has like cheap holidays and like special offers for old people we have skype lesbians like those uh like cruises cats

knitting um scrabble um and not having sex. Do you know about lesbian bed death? Do you know what that is? No. You can work it out right? It's like a great porno. It could be like you know like one of those like one of those snuff movies like lesbian bed death. That's what I was picturing yeah. That's where you went isn't it? You got like three really hot lesbians the guy just comes in like fucks and stabs them at the same time like i'd watch that um so yeah lesbian bad death just describes the phenomenon that strap on that's a blade from the movie seven though that'd be amazing like if the strap on you just like sort of took the sheath off like the strap

on like the the dildo was actually just a sheath, and it revealed this kind of serrated blade. This is my vacu-lock Rambo knife. Can you guys give me a minute? This is really a turn-off for me. This seems... Having sex with women with a knife dildo is the least attractive thing I can imagine. Are you more like soft, tentative, intricate symbiosis?

For fuck's sake, you don't have to be that not to like serrated knife dildos. We're talking about snuffing. Woody is barely vanilla with his dildo ears. I'm getting to the stage where I can't come unless there's a gun to my head or I've got like a knife to my throat or something you know, because I have like, I have thug

taste in boyfriends. So like I have to have like, you know, he has to be calling me like a white whatever and like with a gun to my head otherwise I find it very difficult to get off. Loaded or unloaded? Huh? Loaded or unloaded? Oh well it's only happened loaded once and it was pretty much the hottest thing ever happened to me. I was just worrying about him slipping because I knew there has to be a real risk. Well I knew the safety was off because I looked. And I was like,

honey, this is hot, but really don't fall. Because I could die. That's awful. Well, that took me out of my game. We're in a slightly different universe. I'm not sure how we're going to get back. Have you seen that movie? Seven, you Woody 7 with the dildo strap on

I have seen 7 That's the one where at the end there's a head in a box Yes That is gigantic It's like a 1999 movie I've ruined that in your words Next time, next time giving away the end of Gone

with the Wind. What's in the box? My favorite tweet of mine ever was a very cruel thing to do, but I figured I'd left, I don't know what you,

you guys think about spoilers, like what your policy for spoilers is, but I felt that by Christmas Day, anyone who really cared about Star Wars ought to have seen it

by now. So, I just tweeted in capitals, Han Solo dies. Merry Christmas. How many unfollows did you get? Like 400? I went

down a whole thousand on the website. Someone sent me that spoiler. He had seen it on opening night and I literally saw the movie when it was 36 hours old and it was spoiled for me. That was kind of a dick move. That's funny, but that is such a spiteful, mean-spirited thing to do.

Just to ruin their ability to see it. Just pissed away. I just think it was like 10 days after the movie came out. If you really cared about it that much, you would have abandoned your family and gone to see star wars you know like if you don't care if you don't have that kind of investment in it then i'm sorry but like you know i don't know what to say to you i don't know what to do for you i mean 10 days 10 days is enough i feel like i watched it like the second day spoilers just mean like

before it comes out like you don't want a spoiler like before the movie hits theaters, but once it's hit theaters it's open season, isn't it? I mean, and I didn't even do that. I waited like ten days. Ten days. Like, and that movie made so much money in the first week I was like, come on, everybody who wanted to see it must have seen it by now, but

apparently not. People were very upset. 400 people. I've seen it twice. It was literally, it was just all caps, Hans Seller dies, Merry Christmas. People got so mad about it. Yeah, yeah, I could see that. Yeah, I can't co-sign on that one. I don't like it.

So I don't know if you follow the Howard Stern Show, but I think these two a little bit. Does anyone here know who Riley Martin is? He was a whack packer follow the Howard Stern Show, but I think these two a little bit. Does anyone here know who Riley Martin is? He was a whack packer on the Howard Stern Show. He's this black guy who believes he was abducted by aliens. And, well, he speaks like this. Yeah, that guy died over the holiday, I guess. So they're down another whack packer.

And they were having this interesting discussion about how they're running out of Whack Packers. Yeah, move over, Lumberjack. There is a new most dangerous possession. And they had a little bit of a discussion about why they're running out of Whack Packers, you know, because Eric the Midget, he died two years ago, and then... No, not Eric the Midget.

Eric the Midget, you know what to do. This little guy, like, all right, so he's a midget. He's in a wheelchair. And he talks like this. And he's, like, a huge American Idol fan. So he loved, like, Deanna DeGarmo, I think her name is.

She won one year. And so, like, they arranged for him to meet her. They have her come into the studio. But before they'll let him meet her, he has to agree to be measured for a real doll sex doll. And they have the representatives from real doll there in the studio and finally he's like, now Eric, we can get Diana DeGarmo in here right now if you'll agree to get measured. And he's like, uh, uh, okay. So they measured and made a sex doll. But anyway, the Whack Packers have been dying off.

Wait, don't gloss over that. They made a sex doll eric the midget so people could fuck eric the midget i i know they measured him for it i don't recall if it ever went into production but that was the intention and it was for a long time i want it from my room just to fuck with people you know it's horrifying it's several thousand maybe like a macabre halloween decoration i want it to fall out of a cupboard mid-sex and for it to like you know and just be like what the hell is that? Just like, oh, I'm sorry. That's careful. They can startle the black guy with a gun.

Yeah. I mean, he might be like shooting holes in my sex doll. Well, they pointed out the reason for this is that nowadays there's a lot of early detection for these syndromes and various maladies that create a good whack packer. There just aren't as many retarded people being born anymore because they're all being aborted. And I think this is a big problem. And I'm starting to reverse my stance on abortion because of this.

I feel like... Because you want more whack packers. Yeah, in another generation, there'll be no one to mock anymore. There'll be no one to laugh at. What are we going to do? This is a real problem. I'm starting to reconsider this whole abortion thing. You're going pro-life.

I might have to go. Pro-life for retarded people. So I'm for abortion in situations where there's rape, there's incest, or you just don't have time to deal with that whole baby thing. But if there's something wrong with the kid. Stop it. If there's just something wrong with the kid, that's not good enough. You should have to bring that one into the world just so the rest of us can have that

in our lives. I just don't know if I'm going to be able to... Stern signed for five more years, and if he doesn't get somebody to replace these people, he's just going to be out of them. He's only got so many left. There's a lot of handicapped people out there. He'll find someone. It's not just handicappedness. There's a plethora of things that go into being a good whack packer.

You've got to have some kind of physical malady. It helps if you're extremely slow. If you've got an odd voice, like high-pitched Eric. He's a 430-pound... Look up high-pitched Eric really quick. He's a 430-pound buffoon of a human being living completely on government care. They took his IQ once. I think he's somewhere

around 85. Somewhere in there. 80, 85. Sort of in the feminist range. A little high. And his voice comes out incredibly high pitched due to no physical malady. Just because he's touched. Because he's a retarded person.

And you laugh at him on the radio. What do you guys call it? Dark-sided? He's like dark-sided? I haven't heard of that term. It's a religious... There's a very famous clip on YouTube of an American reality show. I think it might be Wife Swap. It's like the ultimate Wife Swap episode

where she comes back from the family and she's like, I ain't going back there. They're dark-sided. Yes! Yes! You are-sided she's like really religious but like crazy religious like westboro baptist kind of like yeah oh that's a great one yeah that is the best one and she yeah and she's like i ain't going back there they're dark-sided she's screaming it like like like he can't when the way he said it sounded okay well i guess she doesn't like those people but she's screaming it. The way he said it sounded, okay, well, I guess she doesn't like those people. But she's screaming this in a piercing, grating, ah, kind of accent.

She's great. That's a great episode. I wanted her to get her own show. I would watch a show all about her. That would have been the best spinoff ever. That would have been fantastic. One of the things that annoys me about America is you take our shows and you make them so much better. I mean like Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares.

I'm a devotee of Gordon Ramsay. But the Kitchen Nightmares in the UK is kind of like slightly genteel and a little bit sort of sympathetic and mocking and a bit subtle and slightly sarcastic. And it will sort of do these like sort of funny cuts to like people just going – you know, like a little bit funny and a little bit waspish, but not really like outrageous. The American one is like, bam, bam, bam, crazy music. Like, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum. It's like, what the fuck is going on? What are you doing?

You can't serve this. You can't serve it. This lamb is raw. There's an exception to that rule. Top gear. Top gear. Yeah. The British version is so much better.

Oh, yeah, you can't beat the British version of Top Gear. But that's because it's such a quintessentially English show. And it's not a reality show. Reality shows are about crazy people being crazy. And they find their highest and most perfect expression in the United States. Monty Python was way ahead of its time, was amazing. I feel like it's on an equal playing field with uh saturday night live i know what he doesn't because he doesn't like that kind of humor

the ministry of funny walks just doesn't do it for him for some reason i love that shit um what a snore probably the funniest thing ever to have been committed to videotape it's not even remotely funny i just like i i i could sit there straight faced at all of the Monty Python stuff. Even the dead parrot? No one expects the Spanish Inquisition! Woody's like, what the fuck is this shit? Oh my god. I expected it. It's like shitty Saturday Night Live.

The guy who, he's a knight and you cut off one arm after another. They're essentially just telling the same joke for like 15 minutes. Yeah, repetition is funny. Well, that's the Holy Grail. That's just a movie they made. Yeah, that wasn't from the sketch show. Okay, I have to ask you guys something. Everyone, all my fans hate me for this,

but I have a movie much loved by geeks, much loved by pretty much everybody that I get on with, much loved by, you know, pretty much everyone my age, and that movie is The Princess Bride. And I think it is the biggest, like, sack of garbage that I have ever seen in my life. You're wrong. You're wrong.

Yeah, okay. Rob Reiner is a genius. Billy Crystal stood out to an Oscar-worthy cent. Okay, Carrie Ewells is so charismatic, so witty, so funny. It's great. And I can't think of the woman's name, but now she's in House of Cards

and she's still fucking gorgeous. It's so pretty in that movie. It's stunning. I'm so attracted to her. Every word that comes out of her mouth, I'm just staring at her lips like I just want to fucking touch them. And the story is hilarious.

Andre the Giant, and I think his only acting performance, so great. Domingo, you killed my and I think his only acting performance, so great. Domingo, you killed my father, prepare to die. That's so good. I still remember that, and I watched it when I was a child. Fred Savage even is good in that movie as the little kid. Even the grandpa reading the story is great.

You, sir, are wrong. Well done, Kyle. I can't compete. There it is. Now Milo is, however many debates he's had Less won Over Princess I'm trying not to laugh at Billy Crystal

I didn't laugh I'm doing the same thing that Woody does With Monty Python That was my experience with Princess Bride I just sat there and was like This is garbage okay well we're going to have to disagree

on that one as discerning men of taste and experience I thought that I would throw that out to you guys but you guys disagree with me too so fine I'm afraid so it's not like it's a terrible movie but it's just

every time I've seen it I feel like I'm consciously trying to like it more because I know everybody else likes it so much, and I feel like I'm missing out. But it's a real middle of the road for me. Do you know maybe why I hate it? I think Princess Bride is a bit like Caviar. It's one of those things no one likes, but everyone feels like they have to say they do.

And it's one of those things that has become a thing that you have to like because everybody does and nobody actually really likes it nobody actually enjoys it like if i have to hear the if i have to see the word inconceivable like on in a forum ever again i will literally cut myself yeah like that just you keep saying this word i do not think you know what it means because you are so hot until you started all this shit you know I think it means what you think it means yeah okay now and now you guys are arguing over the correct wording of the least funny and least interesting you mentioned how attractive I was I saw they put my face into that like attractive meter or whatever did very well so so you have a very symmetrical

face. The way these things work, I did this because I commissioned, at my last company, I commissioned somebody to put all of the members of One Direction through that to find out who was objectively the hottest. And it lied. It said Liam. And of course, we all know

that objectively the hottest member of One Direction is Liam. You're so right. Objectively, the hottest member of One Direction you're so right objectively the hottest member of One Direction is of course Zayn Liam's got no talent anyway no awful and fat wasn't he fat he was fat wasn't he he was always fat always struggling with his weight and it's like how can you struggle with your weight

you're one of the most famous richest guys in the world you can pay for any kind of training you can have any food you want if you want to eat like a zero carb like mega protein diet and workout you can have the most delicious zero carb like you know food in the world you can have anything and you're still fucking fat um there's no excuse there's no excuse whatsoever excuse is those guys are not fucking they all have those like uh promise rings that they won't have sex or whatever. They're all virgins. Oh, please.

They're not fucking. That's right. That's right. I'm thinking the Jonas Brothers. Yeah. Tate is potato. Some of them did have that slight aura about them so as not to kind of disappoint the female fans. A bit like, you know, Britney and Justin did.

And any of us above the age of 16 were like, yeah, okay. I'm really confused right now. Are you saying Britney and Justin are gay? No, Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake were having sex. Back when they were parading around. Before they were supposed to be. Oh, I follow now. I'm a little slow.

Okay. So, yeah, before they were supposed to be. So, no, obviously Zayn is the most attractive member of One Direction, although he's not in it anymore. There's absolutely no question about that. Such a tragedy. But I put all of them, I had my writer put all of the members through and it came up with Liam, which is just so disappointing. But your face is very symmetrical. And what you also have is the right distance between the eyes, the right length of nose. You have a very kind of objectively perfect face. I've got a huge cock. I've said he has the perfect length of nose and you know you have very like a m very kind of like objectively perfect face i've got a huge cock said he has the perfect length of notes just thank you and did you turn to the side for me like look the other way no not properties are not proper profile

or it's nice it's big yet i would say that's good the jewish i i don't know not no okay fine was i amcised though nobody's perfect um um no you you have you have you have a very very very good face algorithmically can you turn around can we see your ass clothed or unclothed I've actually got my me undies on tonight I think yeah which color me undies do you got I've got yeah I got the camo ones I think. Which color MeUndies do you got? I got the camo ones, I think. You haven't heard of MeUndies, Milo?

Oh my goodness, I did not know this was coming. This show just got so much more interesting for me. So MeUndies are made with a revolutionary material named Modal. It's twice as soft as... Oh, I love Modal. I have Modal socks. They're cotton. Oh, I love Modal. I have Modal socks.

They're wonderful. Oh, they're so good. They're so good. No, honestly, I'm... I am a Modal... I don't have Modal underwear. I'm a Modal addict. I love it. Well, sir, you're making good life choices. Thank you.

Great underwear, great nose. It's been broken. Most of the things you like about him weren't life choices at all. The nose was. I had my nose broken once. I was like, let's make that thing nice this time around. Did you have it slightly differently set? Nah, I just made sure it was straight. I was like, make sure everything's straight in there and it looks good when you're done. So you basically had a nose job? Nah, I mean, they didn't shave anything off, but they made sure. But you sort of had a nose job. You sort of did. My mom gave me a nose job. Well, she didn't do it. I was at a doctor's office, but I shattered my nose, and I had one of those weird nose humps when I was a kid.

And she just said while I was in there, no requests from me because I was 11. She's like, you know what? While you're in there, just kind of take care of that. Just shave it down. So I had a square nose now. I should have done that. Thanks, my mom. Woody and I have often talked about going and getting couples plastic surgeries together. Yeah, yeah.

I get a new chin. He gets a new nose. We walk out of there, and we're like, yeah, that's pretty good right there. Yeah, all right. You get those goofy pec implants where they basically put cut in in half grapefruit right under there and it's just always – Oh, have you ever Googled pectoral implants? Like the horror stories. Yeah, they're horrible looking.

They're so bad. Because you know what? I think they're just designed to look good under t-shirts because they do look good under t-shirts. Because I know a lot of gay guys who have them in Los Angeles and they look great under t-shirts. But as soon as the clothes come off, you're like, yeah. You look like a sort of like robotic human like cyborg kind of I saw a guy the other day who had lost a tremendous

amount of weight and then become like a body builder or something like that and his peck was really well defined you know there's a line there but his nipple was underneath it like underneath the line of the peck so like his nipple should be here but it's here now because of all the loose skin and the, you know.

That's horrible. Yeah. Did you just guys know I'm working out at the moment? I'm actually working out at the moment. I'm five weeks into a new program. Because I'm just over 30 and Greek. So if I don't like sort my shit out, I'll look like a kebab shop owner in five years, you know. Is that the thing for Greek guys? Like if you were- Yeah, you're like, call me Kostas. It will not be hot.

And as a gay person, looks is everything, particularly when you're the girl. So I'm on this new program, and I have a trainer. I'm lifting three, four times a week and doing a little bit of cardio. My whole kitchen has been taken over with my protein, kind of like jerky and wafers and huge tubs of crap. And I just get a call in the morning. He's like, mix a pot of the yellow crap with some milk and drink it. I'm like, okay. And it's really working.

I have arms. I never had arms before. It's really hot. Free weights? Are you doing free weights or machines or – Mostly free. I'm doing some rowing and some lap hold downs and stuff and then the rest is mostly free weights.

I'm just doing like gay bodybuilding so I'm not interested in any kind of holistic health. I don't care if my heart is better. I'm just like. Just glamour muscles. Yeah. Squats and kegels. Literally just glamour muscles. Nobody caught that in me.

Is that? He said the gay workout is squats and kegels. No, that got by me entirely. That's funny. This is why I sleep with black guys now, you know, because I had so much sex. Like, you sort of couldn't. It was like a sausage down a corridor. Yeah, a lot of them are going to drop out sooner or later.

You've got to be careful. Right. So I had to upgrade to colored gentleman, and now I can feel it again. No, that's not true. But yeah, no, I'm... What? I said yes.

Yeah, no, I'm joking. No, no, I'm actually... I don't know what it is. It kind of seems to like... Anyway. Wait, are you saying white guys have bigger penises in your experience? This can't be true.

No, that is not what he's saying. Oh, I misunderstood then. No, no, I was saying that I'd sort of exhausted white men and Oh, I heard that as the broader over theme, but then there was sort of a actually Upgraded to black guys. What was the subtlety that I missed there?

There was like a, well in reality I don't even know if there was a subtlety. I just think that you exhausted white guys. It was actually pretty crass and straightforward. I didn't miss it. I invented it. All right. No, I'm very excited. Any of you guys work out?

Often on. Often on. I haven't been for like the last month. I need to get back on it. I get on like fitness kicks where I'll kind of do what you're talking about right now, like a really regimented diet. Like P90X for like four weeks and then you kind of give it up yeah four or six weeks or something like that but those are the fucking worst exercises those p90x where you watch that super in shape 52 year old do shit that you can't

keep up with and you feel like it's just yeah and you just sit there and eventually you have to sit down on the sofa and you just think i hate you too much to watch you anymore like i can't do this video because you are a terrible human being and he's smiling at you but you know that he knows come on you got it come on yeah and I'm like you asshole this is for 45 minutes in and you still perky when that camera cut I know that actually 24 hours passed and you went home and you know I'm not home I'm still here somebody got a breather because he's got like his slaves they're actually really doing the workout non-stop because he's kind of just

kind of jogging in place in the background like yeah this is great but meanwhile like they seem like they're just fitness they seem like athletes because they're you they are do you like the passive-aggressive thing that he does where like they'll be on push-up 38 of 50, and they'll be starting to get a little weaker, and he'll jog over, plop right down next to them, and then do four perfect push-ups like, all right, keep it going. You got it, but it's like, all right, you just did four,

and you showed off that you could do it faster than them, but that black dude's been doing this for 40 minutes at this point. And this is take two for this video. Yeah, this is take two. Damn it, i've been going since 8 a.m yeah uh we got a boom in the shot we're gonna need you to run the other six miles like i think none of us have made fitness a real core part of our lives but uh but we all try to stay in shape because we all have defined a this is completely unacceptable line and when we start threatening it we're're like, no, got to fix it. I get really, really into weightlifting every so often, but not – I fucking hate cardio.

I hate running more than anything. Well, no man needs to do cardio. No man needs to do cardio. There's just no reason ever to do it. You just eat a bit less and do your weights. Like cardio is like a masochist way to burn calories. There's absolutely no need. Just lift and fix your diet.

You know, cardio is for girls. No man ever needs to go on a running machine. It's ridiculous. Like, warm up on the cross training before you start lifting, but otherwise, like, listen to me. I've been doing this five weeks for fuck's sake. I would have thought you could appreciate a man with some cardio, but apparently not.

No, I mean, just like stamina stamina but like stamina cardio we're pretty analogous do you know frankly like after the first 20 minutes it's kind of it kind of gets dull it's like i have my fun like i don't want to get into too graphic detail because i'm sure oh heaven forbid but um you know like i have my fun and then it's kind of like all right flip over my turn and then like after 20, you're just kind of like, I just kind of want to check Twitter. It's interesting you said flip over my turn. It only takes so much butt fucking.

He's still pounding away and I'm like, dude, I'm kind of done. I've always heard gay sex defined as like you have a pitcher and a catcher on this thing, right? Yeah, I'm the girl. Hypothetically, gay me would expect both. Is that not the thing? Okay, so I'm just the goal. I only do the catching.

Yeah, it just depends if you're a top, a bottom, or versatile. Of course, then there's twinks and twanks. But wait, pitching has no appeal to you? Why do you know so much about this? I watched It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Oh, you do? There was a whole skit about this yeah i didn't know that they were like that it was common to only perform one of those roles i thought it was just like what he was saying like everybody kind of does everything oh no the reason

you think that is because gay people always lie about it um so if you ever ask a gay person i'd be like oh no i'm versatile uh it's like the campiest lispiest little like twink you're like yeah i bet you could sling some dick yeah exactly it's like oh campiest, lispiest little twink. You're like, yeah, I bet you could sling some dick. Yeah, exactly. It's like, oh, no, I'm really versatile. It's like, shut the fuck up. The only thing you've ever seen is the pillow. The reason you think that is all gay people are liars.

In most cases, it's like 90% to 97%, one or the other. I can't relate to being the catcher. I feel like that would be something. Look, not everything you do during sex is your favorite thing. That would be the thing that I would put up with in exchange for getting to be the pitcher. Well, see, I think you're looking at it wrong. You're not looking at it as a sense of pleasure. Think of it more like getting a blow job maybe.

Well, you know, there's a huge cluster of nerves up there. You know, mother nature designed men to be fucked. You know, there's the prostate gland, that huge concentration of nerve endings up there. You know, you will never feel anything quite so like preternaturally like spine-tinglingly pleasurable as having a dick up your ass. I urge you all to try it at some point in your lives. It's just basic biology. You're never going to feel anything quite like it.

I get it, but I'm interested in what if you said that there's things in sex you don't particularly enjoy doing, in which case you should probably not be doing them. What are they? Oh, this is more a line that I give to get the things I want. Beating, strangulation. Okay, here, I'll say this. Missionary is not my favorite position, but it's my wife's. We do that.

Why? Because you know what? I don't get to just do my favorite things. Okay. I get to do all my favorite things because my favorite things are like, you know, sucking dick and putting it. And there's a huge chasm of difference between, you know, oh, I have missionary, which isn't my favorite, but it's okay. And just taking it up the ass as some sort of weird concession so that you can fuck it up the ass later. You say tomato, I say tomato.

No, taking it up the ass is way easier. You don't have to do anything. You don't have to do anything if you don't want to. You're just like... Well, I hope there's some preparation involved first, but other than that, I suppose... Probably like some enemas. More of a wait and game. Most well-groomed gentlemen will make sure

that the situation down there is good, yeah. Yeah, that's the worst. You don't want any poop dick going on. I find that to be repugnant. If there's any shit on my dick. Have you had that with girls? What's that? Have you had that with girls?

Yes, I have had that happen. Let's see. I've definitely had a girl squirt on me before. Like, on top of me, and she just squirted all over me. Which I recently... I think that's just urine. It has been determined that it is urine, but it's got more of, like, women have the female

version of a prostate gland. I can't think of the medical name for it, but apparently that goes into overtime during sex, and it extracts a lot of this other chemical into the bladder, and the bladder rapidly fills, but but yes it is mostly urine um so the whole idea of like female squirting being analogous to uh male ejaculation male ejaculation is just way off the female ejaculate is more is that white creamy stuff it's like incontinence yeah yeah it's more like incontinence and i didn't mind at all i was i was like well that's nothing that's a that's thumbs up that's two thumbs up from her that's what that is your bed no it was a hotel bed but i've uh didn't give a fuck i don't care um but but yeah that doesn't sound great i'll be honest um to me it was like have

you ever played a slot machine and you get crippled cherries and everything goes crazy and like you know money's pouring everywhere. That's what it was. It was like, hell yeah, that's a jackpot right there. I nailed it. I see. I felt like that was a compliment. I was very happy that I made her achieve that.

It was sort of a moment of achievement. And that was from a poop dick experience. No, that was not from a poop dick experience. What I just mentioned is kind of a sexy surprise that I was happy with. But the sexy surprise that I'm never happy with is if there's like shit on my dick because I don't want any shit on my dick I would much I would prefer blood on my dick to shit on my dick oh absolutely yeah I think most people would yeah I've had the blood um but I don't want the I don't want the shit it's it's just how did you handle the shit how did you lurk your way out of that situation oh I'm so polite

I'm so polite I would never even mention that it happened um i'm always hoping that she didn't even mention it happened and i'm just you know getting the condom off and like cleaning up and walking away so that like she can keep her dignity you know i don't want to be like oh you shit all over me bitch you know nobody wants that we're not getting around she doesn't know because she needs to like wipe herself and stuff yeah yeah transition it into like some shower fun where it's like oh you know some old yeah but She needs to know if she doesn't know because she needs to wipe herself and stuff. Yeah, yeah. Just transition it into some shower fun where it's like, oh, you know, some old spice. Yeah, but there's no subtle way to do that. It's like, I just did you up the ass and now I'm leading you to the shower.

Ooh, I wonder why. There isn't a nice way to do that. Yeah, yeah. The best thing, I think, is just to have a discussion with your partner beforehand, especially if they don't know much about anal sex, and link them maybe to an article that will educate them. That way you don't have to have that awkward thing like, no, you want to really use that enema, good. Till nothing comes out, you know? This is a great conversation. I'm happy about this.

I'm glad. This is kind of a tame show for us. We usually... Someone's naked by now or something like that. Really? You get naked? Yeah, yeah. We upload to RedTube and YouTube. Why do you want best behavior from me?

That's very disappointing. You know, we are actually on Pornhub. That's funny. Yeah. You guys are on Pornhub? How did I not know this? We had a porn star as ourub. That's funny. Yeah. You guys are on Pornhub? How did I not know this? We had a porn star as our guest. Her name was Ariel something.

Do you remember her last name? Aria Aspen. Aria Aspen. All right. Aria Aspen was on the show. And for whatever reason, a fan or somebody just took it and uploaded it to Pornhub. So I'm kind of a big deal. Sort of a little.

Well, I had heard of you um oh hey you know i've been two topics i've been i mean to ask you i'll start with one who do you like for american president trump obviously no i i've had a thing about trump it the people who are voting for Trump are dumb, right? Objectively. Hold on, hold on. The numbers say you're wrong. I let you go for a long time. The numbers say you're wrong.

The least educated people are going for Trump. Where are you getting your numbers? Washington Post. Washington Post, liberal rag. Oh, please. It is? No. Oh, please. It is? No, no, no. What all the studies are saying is that the stereotype of Trump supporters does not hold.

He's disproportionately popular with women, with ethnic minorities. Blacks love Trump. You know, it's not the stereotypical angry white male everybody thinks it is. And actually with college educated women love Trump. You know, there's so many's dozens and dozens of polls. I'm on the Washington Post right now, and their article is titled, Donald Trump's surge is all about less-educated Americans. How did this come to be? It has to do with education.

His support is strongest with Republicans in the Midwest, conservatives across the country who do not have a college degree, and those who report negative views of immigration and Mexican immigrants in particular. Now hold on. If I go to a restaurant and everybody there is fat then I think less of that restaurant. I think, what am I doing here? This is where fat people go to

eat. If I am voting for a presidential candidate and everyone who is also voting and everyone who is also voting for this and i think the food here must be fucking great all right if i go to if i if i'm picking a presidential candidate and all the people who agree with me are dumb then i start to second guess my presidential candidate but for some reason in politics if you're like highly educated that's a negative that's a thing that you know if you're highly

educated negative in life generally look at where the highly educated people have got us look at the media look at academia look at the entertainment industry look at politicians look at the look at the like the dc circuit these are supposedly the smartest people in the country and they have fucked they have completely led the world they have invented the life-saving drugs they have invented the man no no we're. They have invented the man-killing weapons. No, no, we're not talking about scientists. We're talking about... They're highly educated.

We're talking about people on Capitol Hill. We're talking about people in newspapers. These are some of the dumbest people in the world. We're talking about the voter base. The highly educated people are getting... So what the Trump statistics say is, yes, there is a significant base of support from people without college educations

but in addition to that there are huge swathes of highly educated and unusual demographic slices that are coming over to trump in their droves including women um you know and what look i think the trump project is so crucial and so important, so absolutely essential to America's future political health. The Trump supporters are the they-took-our-jobs guys from South Park. See, I feel like that's a mischaracterization. That's almost like saying that, oh, you know, all these Trump supporters, they're just uneducated idiots. You know, lump them all together. Meanwhile, you can't say all these Bernie Sanders supporters are largely young people who don't have a ton of real world experience. Like that's

not a fair accusation against that big group of fans. I think it is. It's not fair to do it the other way. And you know what? But not to write off everything they say. Trump supporters are like, these guys took our jobs. Those people are right. They're right. That's exactly what has happened. Their wages have been pushed down by immigration. You know, there are problems in communities. We're importing crimes that we never even heard of

before, whether it's from Muslims or Mexicans. Their wages have been pushed down by globalization and automation, not immigration. Well, actually, all of those things. Silicon Valley is not the friend of the working classes. Globalization is not the friend of the working classes. But neither is immigration either. And those people who say, those people who are expressing frustration that their wages are going down, that they're losing their jobs, that people are coming over and finally, darker skin color, who cares, who are prepared to work for less than they are because they don't have families to support. Those people are right. That is exactly what has happened to the working class in America.

These people are correct. So you can say, you know, these guys took our jobs brigade. Well, yes, some of them are, and they're right. I don't completely disagree with you, actually. But I will say this. You pointed to the working class jobs in particular. My exposure is it definitely is happening at the white class level in the tech sector. Yes, it is as well. And that's interestingly why, you know, so many Trump supporters, very vocal Trump supporters are from what you might call the sort of cultural libertarian dissident college educated Internet savvy millennial generation.

The people who hate other millennials, the disaffected liberals that like me, for instance, right? You know, that sort of 30 to 40% of society who are like, I am so tired of being told what to do. I am so tired of the nannying, hectoring, pearl clutching, limp-wristed liberal losers who have destroyed this country, who have taken it away from all the stuff that I believe in, who are encroaching on my free speech, you know, who are telling me the acceptable limits of thought and speech, you know, crushing the Overton window and shoving it to the far left, you know, who have ruined this country.

Those people, I think, and it's kind of like, you're sort of, the way you framed this and the sort of like, if you'll forgive me for saying this, the snobbery that kind of like immediately came out of you when you started talking about the people who are going to go vote for Trump, reminds me of the way that people talk about men's rights activists. And men's rights activists very often are rough around the edges, very often are not camera ready let's say. They're not the most articulate, not the most predictable, not the most, you know, socially adept people. But you know

what? Their arguments are right. They're right about everything. They are right about feminism. They are right about the way that society is structured against men and not just the 20 year old stuff, but the unfairness built into divorce, built into child support, built into, you know, the domestic violence laws that we were talking about earlier. I can't think of a serious... Unfairness is not built into child support, by the way. Say again? Unfairness is not built into child support, by the way. Say again? Unfairness is not built into child support, by the way.

Well, we can argue about that. But, you know, from my point of view, you know, you can be a snob about men's rights activists because you find them gauche. But I can't think of a serious argument that men's rights activists make which doesn't at least have merit and is not at least worthy of discussion. I happen to think they're mostly right about most things I think much of the same thing is going on with Trump's of the Trump voters they might not be the people that you want to hang out with at the weekends they might not be the people that you want to invite your home and

have dinner parties with but they're not wrong about much hmm on the child support thing at least in North Carolina that's done with a chart and they just look at his income and her income and the um you know where the kids go and apply that i think it varies gender uh in that calculation it's there's a chart it's income it's whatever number of kids i don't know enough to talk about you know state state in america fair enough i know for example in england that it's horrific um and certainly the divorce laws are insane and domestic violence that the praxis of domestic violence law if not the legislation itself is completely insane. So most of what these guys talk about is reasonable. Globalization and

automation has crushed low-skilled jobs because you can take those things and either automate them or put them into a place where people will work cheaper. Yes. The typical protectionist policies that you see saying, hey, minimum wage should be $15 an hour, it's going to be coupled with shipping jobs somewhere else. We know, you know, any educated person knows from economics that, you know, like rent control, which doesn't work, the minimum wage makes people poorer. But you don't have to be a protectionist to believe

that if there's no need to let in massive numbers of unskilled people who don't offer anything to the economy other than cheaper labor for jobs that are already being done by the working class white people, you don't have to be a protectionist or a racist to say no thanks, I don't want that. You don't have to be a protectionist or a racist to say no thanks i don't want that you don't have to be a racist or a protectionist to say do you know what if we've got the choice like if we can pick anyone in the world and as americans you can because there is one country in the world that everybody everywhere wants to go to and it is america if we can pick everywhere why wouldn't you just pick the best work out like australia does have a point system like look at your country and say right we need doctors need plumbers, and we need lorry drivers. So we're going

to go get those. And we're going to get them from anywhere. We're going to get the best skilled people from wherever we can find them for those jobs in the economy that need doing that we can't fill ourselves. It could even be Silicon Valley. Now, people have the H-1B visa. I'm telling you, in the tech sector, that's abused. I think that's where you were headed. Right. I mean, the H-1B visa is very controversial because companies bring in people who maybe, you know, shouldn't be on that particular visa, whatever.

So Silicon Valley is a specific case, but they don't really employ that many people anyway. You know, it's a very low number of people for the sorts of figures involved in for the amount of money flowing around there. It doesn't have a huge impact on employment in the country at large.

But they're alpha jobs, so it really matters. So I live in an area called Research Triangle Park in North Carolina. And what they've done is they've taken this big spot of land, I think it's like 500,000 acres, and they said the zoning for this area is privileged to favor tech and bioscience companies, right? Pharmaceutical companies, IBM, Cisco, things like that. And then what happened is when they brought those,

what I'm calling alpha jobs in, the doctors, the engineers, the scientists, etc. Each one of those created half a dozen beta jobs, the waitresses, the housekeepers, etc. That's got to be like an Omega job, right? Waitress? Yeah, right. I don't think waitress is very high on the imaginary totem pole of jobs. Yeah, that's why I call it a beta job. No, it's not. And in real terms, from the point of view of the Trump voters that you don't want to have dinner with, that's not job creation because the jobs don't go to them. The jobs go to Mexicans, the jobs go to other people, right? So from an American's point of view, there's no benefit to me as a working class white American having a Silicon Park next to me because all of the cheapest jobs aren't going to go to me, they're going to go to immigrants.

And I'm not educated enough and don't have access to the education system to get myself in a position where I can have a decent job there. That park doesn't help me. Yeah, it doesn't. I don't know what the solution is. It doesn't make my taxes lower. It doesn't make my wages higher. It doesn't give me any greater realistic prospect of employment.

That park, in fact, probably is a net negative for the area. It doesn't help you. It helps me. If my roof gets shingled cheaper, then… Yeah, but it won't because that's not what happens. When you have these hubs, people get priced out of the surrounding areas because the employees in those hubs want to live where you live now. So there's gentrification.

This is very, very basic. I fucking love gentrification. I don't know what to do a counter-argument for. Gentrification is glorious. Oh, you take neighborhoods and make them nice? This is like the gay person playbook. Yeah, like my fellow homosexuals do this, but it's also kind of like class cleansing because what happens is you take poor areas where people could previously afford to live in cities and

you throw them out into the suburbs and then when the suburbs are full, you throw them out into other cities. You are shoving poor people who cannot afford to live in the areas that you've decided ought to be nice. Now I'm an erection because you've bought a lovely new science book well do you know what like i'm i'm gonna lose i'm gonna lose my republican like membership card for this i'm sure but you know but but following your argument to his logical conclusion is not a good thing for the for the working-class americans that you hate so much and um you know and you can't define me like every time i said it until you objected yeah i was like wait a minute on the barbecue thing he's really mischaracterized me here

i'll let it go i was i was teasing it up every time i invoked them to see what i follow uh you know that for those people none of the the things you're describing are at all helpful. They're actually really counterproductive and destructive. And those people who don't have control over automation and don't have control over globalization do have control over immigration because they can vote for a candidate who doesn't want it. And that's what they're expressing in this election. Did you watch the most recent season of South Park? I have been getting some of them. I haven't seen all of them.

But I've seen the Safe Space one, and I saw the opening, and I saw a couple of the others. Yeah, there's one that's very... There's a lot of talk of gentrification, and in particular, they do what you said. They go into... So, Kenny, obviously, is the poorest guy in town, second to Cartman. Or Cartman's the second poorest, it turned out. But anyway, they change Kenny's neighborhood to Soto Sopa. And they have the villa.

So they build this nice district around his shitty house. And above it, they have the villas at Kenny's house. And it's all this high-end real estate and stuff. Yeah. And two episodes later, it goes back and shows it and it's just a shambling ruin because it's not sustainable. If you go to Denver, it's,

it's like that. If you go to downtown Denver, especially those more liberal cities, you'll see those goofy named little sections of the town that suddenly a ton of rich hipsters move in and price everybody else out of there. And you know, it's not just about not being able to afford your own home anymore. It's also like a Whole Foods opens and you can't afford to eat there.

Most people cannot buy their food from Whole Foods. Not every meal, no. It gets very expensive. I mean like I could do it but I would really notice the difference. And I earn a lot of money. I'm ridiculously overpaid. We can relate. You guys are doing good too. If I did my entire food shop at Whole Foods, I would notice the

difference every month. I really would. It's a lot of money for only slightly better food. People cannot afford to be where they are. So, yeah, I think the reason I'm fighting you on this so strongly is that most of the people I write for are in that situation in life, right? There's an issue with those people that you write for. I feel like – so I graduated high school for perspective in 1991. And if you were to talk to my class, every fucking one of them thought they were going to be millionaires. All of them. Like it was the standard thing.

You know, even the guys who barely got out of high school were like, Oh no, I'm going to be the next, you know, big chef in an Atlantic city hotel. And that was their plan. Every one of them just had high hopes.

Now it feels like so many of the young people buy into this narrative that's been put out for like Bernie Sanders' election campaign that they can't get a fair shake in life. That regardless of what they do, the deck is stacked against them and their success in life is not at all related to what they put into it,

to their education, to their achievement level, to their whatever natural abilities. That like, oh no, the door's closed. There are no more successful people graduating high school and college right now. You're just fucked. And I don't like the defeatist attitude. And I agree with you. I agree with you on that. And you won't find anyone who hates victimhood and grievance culture and defeatism more than me. You know, this is my entire career is fighting these things, right? I hate them, too. But there are some respects in which those people are right. You know, there are, you know, young boys for example are systematically discriminated

against and however hard they work, if there's a woman who is as good as them, the woman will get the job. Now that is just a fact of the jobs market. It's a fact of the education system. So these people do have some valid grievances. And I suppose I've always thought like journalism is supposed to be about sticking up for the voiceless, you know, and speaking truth to power. And the way I see it at the moment, you know, the sort of entrenched liberal establishment is the power and young people struggling to find their way in the world who are constantly derided and told that there is something defective about them, not just, that there is something defective about them not just You know that morally defective about them simply because they were born straight and white and male

You know these are the messages that we're sending to people is it any wonder their defeatist about life Well, they had objected to the Republican victimhood You know you've got the number one Talking about how the other news stations are the mainstream one you're the mainstream one motherfucker no you're dominating this cycle i'm not talking about politics you're you're you're unfairly characterizing what i'm saying because you're hearing something i'm not saying well good for the goose good for the gander no no you're hearing you're hearing you're hearing something i'm not saying most of my readers are disaffected liberals they're not conservatives at all um i did a poll and you know like the people who could recently be called republican represented

about 12 percent of my readers uh the majority of my readers are disaffected liberals who think they have been been uh let down by their own people um and these guys you know with some justification um have they have they haven't just I think there's a difference between the victimhood and grievance culture and thinking whatever I do, I'm never going to be good enough. And I should like use victimhood as currency instead because I'll never make anything of my life, which is the route to feminism. And somebody who looks out and makes a fact-based assessment of their prospects and realizes that they're fucked. And that is a situation that a lot of young men are in today. I disagree.

I feel like that situation you described is again, using victimhood as currency. It is another thing that, that I see too much as using being offended as a position of strength, but I'm talking to the opposite. These are people who hate offense culture, who hate grievance, who hate,

you know, a victimhood, but none of these people, these people like are screaming against this stuff all day, every day on Twitter. They don't consider themselves victims. They're just realistic about the fact that the system is – Dude, fucking buckle down and achieve. They'll say, oh, no, you just clearly don't understand. You're out of touch with what's going on today.

No, I don't think – so my fan base isn't like that at all. And one of the reasons, I was talking the other day on just a kind of like silly, lazy, like late night live stream with a YouTuber about this and it's sort of becoming a thing. And I'm sort of breaking this on your podcast, although I'll announce it probably in two weeks but I'm going to be doing like a scholarship fund for precisely

the kind of people we've been talking about. No way. Whites only. Whites only. Only men. It's actually aimed at the much maligned straight white male because they are the people who are falling behind in education. Look at all the statistics.

It is young, poor, white boys who are suffering the most, who aren't getting into college, who are falling behind in school, who aren't going on to university partly as a result of lack of confidence, partly as a result of the fact they have no support networks whatsoever. They're constantly – they're whacked on Ritalin if they're boisterous in the playground. They don't get into college because women are favored not just with financial help but with more encouragement and more programs.

get into college because women are favored not just with financial help but with more encouragement and more programs. So yeah, I'm doing – I'm setting it up myself and I've reached out to a couple of rich friends who are on board with this. And so we've got a reasonably large amount of money to – the difference between a young kid who doesn't have a lot of money going to college and not going to college isn't like $20,000 or $50,000. It's – when you look at the finances of a family trying to send a kid to school, it's more like $2,000 or $4,000. Because most of the stuff is loans, although it can be very intimidating for somebody who doesn't have a lot of money to take on that kind of

financial burden, the real sticking point, what makes them turn down their offers is often $1,900 or $2,200, right? So we want to give out like between $2,500 and $5,000 to precisely this kind of kid, like very promising young boys who are being systematically discriminated against by the education system to try and like level the playing field. How are you going to choose the individual people? Yeah, it's the application process. We'll do it. You want some money, man?

We're going to do a combination of like video essays and I mean these days everyone has YouTube, everyone has all this kind of stuff. So we'll do video essays and we'll do an application essay. We'll obviously look into them all properly, make sure they are enrolled. The really smart clever way to do this is to not take freshman so that you can confirm that they're enrolled at the university but of course it's precisely people trying to get to be freshman that we need to serve. So we'll have to do some background checking and make sure they're enrolled in the school that they are and check all the documents

and everything. Do the best you can. We'll get a couple of things all slipped through the net I'm sure. But the idea of this is you can help a lot of people and transform their entire lives with not very much money. Say for example I managed to put together 50K a year and that figure will grow over time. We launched a 50K a year and we give like $2,500 to a boy who wouldn't be able to go otherwise and we give him a mentor network.

He wants to be a journalist, we've got four journalists who he can pick up the phone to if he wants to be a journalist. We've got four journalists who he can pick up the phone to if he wants to. Or he wants to be a scientist. We've got like Brendan Eich who got kicked out of Mozilla for having the wrong opinions, who sympathizes with his position when he says, you know, I felt like my teachers were kind of giving me a hard time just for being a dude. Or we've got, I mean, Brendan is not on board so I don't want to speak for him but I'll certainly be reaching out to him.

And if he's watching, please do come and join us. You know, if he wants to be a scientist, somebody like Matt Taylor, you know, the guy who landed a probe on a comet and all feminists want to talk about was his stupid shirt. People they will have heard of that they'll be looking up to and relating to, they can just pick up the phone and be like, how the fuck would I ever get to this guy otherwise? You know, we'll start off with like 20 a year and if it gets really big I'll have to hand it off to somebody else to run it because it's not my job and it's not what I'd be best at. But this is something I've thought about enough to be that far down the road with this kind of project because what all of the studies, all of the research,

all of the facts tell us is that it is young, poor, straight, white, well, not straight necessarily, but young, poor, white boys who are suffering the most in America, suffering in the UK. They have the worst educational prospects of any demographic group anywhere. Why? Because they are born with disadvantages as a result of their skin color and their station in life. And rather than ascribing to them a sort of victimhood attitude, which i don't find that they have actually um what i would rather do is say to them well you know what get yourself into a good college

like you go and do it then you come to us you say here's what i want to be here's why you should bet on me and we'll make sure that you you know we'll make sure that you don't have to turn that clock down that college place because you don't have a thousand dollars you know one thing just to like harken back to what you said about the male right or men's rights activists that i think is a bit of a turnoff that i just thought about now like i don't know enough about them but what you were saying as far as like your audience they don't adopt that victimhood cape and hide behind it constantly they don't uh the brief i have read from the male rights activists it's like it's turning it's off turning because it's not like hey take a look at our problems here we have it seems to be a constant just angry berating of like oh

women they have it so fucking easy you know who really needs the help these true victims and it's like a no true right about that i think there's a lot of bitterness and it's almost like feminism reflected in a mirror you know and so there's a you know where the problems i have with, like the sort of female chauvinism, female supremacy, the sociopathy and the victimhood and grievance culture and the offense taking, a lot of the men's rights movement seems to be that in reverse. But just from the other sexist point of view. And I don't have much time for that. I don't have much sympathy for that. I do however see pockets of little communities

here and there and pockets of resistance against what is a very unfair environment in the media it is a horrible thing to be a man to be a man covered by any news right now if you ever get in trouble for anything you say you crack up the wrong joke

or you support the wrong political candidate you could get fucked and why? Because you were you crack the wrong joke or you support the wrong political candidate, you could get fucked. Why? Because you were born with the wrong skin color because they won't do it to a black guy but they'll do it to the white guy. That is racism. If you're a man who cracks the wrong joke, you will get crucified where a woman wouldn't. That's sexism.

There are all sorts of things that they do have valid grievances about. But I take your point and I agree with you. Where the men's rights movement looks like a mirror image of the worst of feminism, I hate it too. Yeah. It doesn't really achieve anything. For me, it made me not want to even read any further about it because it's like, well, this is just going to eventually make me either angry with you or angry at you and you know there's actually something a bit i don't know whether this is my sort of like i don't know whether this is an unexamined prejudice of mine but i i i expect maybe this i don't know which i don't know which direction this sexism of mine is going in but i sort of find it a bit like i don't want men to behave like that. I think it's slightly beneath men to like whinge and carp and bitch. And it's sort of, it seems like unbecoming to me for a man to behave like that,

you know, to sort of like, uh, to, to take on the carapace of grievance and, and victimhood and offense taking that, that feminism has done for decades when men do it. I kind of find it even worse.

Cause I sort of grit your teeth, doesn't it? Where you're like, Oh, what are you doing? Like, yeah, it's somehow of find it even worse it makes you grit your teeth doesn't it where you're like oh what are you doing yeah it's somehow more cringe when a man does it and I don't know if that's me being sexist and if it is I don't know if I'm being sexist towards men and women I can't work it out but there's something about it when men do it that I find

even more distasteful than when women do it I just really admire someone who takes the reins on their own life and achieves in spite of whatever fucking is lined up against them. Me too. But I think sometimes people need little legs up and helping hands when they, particularly because I think a lot of the guys I write for, like the gamers, for instance, in the, you know, when I wrote about the sort of the lies. instance of systematic malpractice and journalistic failure like I did with the Gamergate controversy where the whole media lined up with these sociopathic feminist liars

and painted entire communities misogynistic harassers abusers and threateners and that was not what happened it simply wasn't and if you've read any coverage that says so that journalist was either lazy or lying you know it just wasn't what happened and I've never seen anything like it in my life and a lot of the guys that gravitate towards me are more, I guess, more marginalized. They might be quite high up the autistic spectrum. Maybe you don't have great social skills but they're really smart. And nobody's ever stood up for them before. And they just, they come to me and say, what is this like Republican fag like suddenly

is the only person I've ever seen on the TV who speaks sense. Like what the fuck? You know, a lot of these guys do need a little bit of a pep talk, even if it's just a pep talk, you know? They're not victims, they don't think of themselves like that, and they're perfectly capable and willing to make success of their life on their own. They don't want handouts, you know, they don't want the government to kind of like cradle to grave them.

But they do need a little something, even if it's just a pep talk, which is one of the reasons that I like to do what, is it Rob Ford, the mayor of Toronto, the crack smoking? Yeah. The thing that I love, I read a profile of him and I saw a little of myself reflected in that, not the crack and obviously not the Canadian thing, which is far worse than being a drug addict. For sure. Yep, thank you.

But something really, something jumped out at me when I read this profile of him. And it was that at the height of the controversy, when he was in trouble for, you know, getting, he was on film smoking crack, I think. He would come out of his house every day with a huge binder full of messages he had from the public. And it was covered in post-it notes of him kind of like, what would I, why would I say in response to these people? And for hours, every day, he would reply to people, he would call them up. And if they didn't answer, he'd leave a voicemail. I'd voicemail i'd be like hey suzy i got your message you know there's not very much i can do about this but i really feel for you and listen um you know have you tried doing this and you know

if that doesn't work try giving like you know the office of you know the dmv a call see what they can do and if you still have a problem maybe write to me again in a month or something and he did this hundreds of times a day and trump does this you know lots of these populist politicians do this and do you know what like i have i publish my phone number like on the internet and i have like a whatsapp do yeah um i get hundreds of whatsapps a day and i reply to all my god i reply to all of them and it's what i do for fun because i find it so rewarding i love it i'm just starting to sound like a very earnest person now. But I'm – take a step back. I will put my address on the internet. I will give you a home tour that includes how to use a bidet but my phone number is private.

Well, I have another phone for the people I really give a shit about but I have a WhatsApp number. Any of these guys can drop me a line and say like, can you give me some advice or I'm unhappy, I'm miserable or just thank you or whatever, you know? And I reply to every single one. And I noticed this and what happened with Rob Ford, the people of Toronto want to reelect him even after the crack thing. They still want him back because he actually gave a shit. And I try to do that with my career as well. I've never seen another journalist behave like this. And I've never seen another journalist behave like this. And I've never worked out why. Well, I didn't until I realized, because they're all liberals

and they all hate their readers and they all want to close the comment sections, which is what they're all doing now, of course. They're all closing the comment sections. And they actually want to withdraw back into the era of broadcast media where you could just like spew a load of lies and then run away and not have to deal with the consequences. Yeah, and then nobody can comment. I don't even watch debate-style videos or, like, the re-so-and-so-says-so-and-so-is-a-racist kind of videos anymore if the comments are disabled and there's no rating. Because it's like, all right, you're trying to pull a fast one. Because you know you're being lied to.

Yeah, you're trying to convince me that a bunch of other people haven't figured out your bullshit before and that I'm just the first, you know, doe-eyed idiot to stumble onto this video and be bamboozled by you. Like, it's very condescending. I don't like it. I don't understand GamerGate. I've heard that the coverage of it was unfair. I've heard that. So, I don't know how you know our stuff.

We know gamers, right? I've been involved in gaming for like 10 hours a day for the last six years, right? That's more time than you might have guessed. And I can tell you women are not treated the same. You know, I have the best Minecraft server in the universe, or multiverse, woodycraft.net. And if a girl dares to wade into our faction server, she will get attention in a way that guys don't. She is

instantly known, especially if her name, if her in-game name implies being female. TrixieXXX69. It might have Jennifer in it, which I feel like isn't the same cry of BlowjobGiver22 or something like that. It's Jennifer.

It's her name. That's actually my name. Right. That's actually, that's actually my name. Like, I'm not sure you should be broadcasting that live. Cause people are going to start like messaging me. Like it's very hard. Wouldn't want to blow up your spot. There's other stuff that,

that to me, it might just be a by, a by-product of being feminine. Like we had a, a player whose name had enchanted in it. Right. Yeah. I don't think that that's –

People presumed it was a go. It was. But it's – I feel like that might – girls are different than guys, and they might be attracted to an in-game name that says Enchanted in a way that guys aren't. And they come on, and all of a sudden, like, every guy is – I was going to say pounding them, but that has a whole other thing. Like, every guy is kind of giving her attention say pounding them, but that has a whole other thing. Like every guy is kind of like giving her attention. Came back at just the right moment.

Not always positive attention. Yes, but you know why? You know why? Because these guys are like marginalized. They've never seen a woman before. Look, the difference between just one of the many subtle but deliberate mischaracterizations of the gaming media and then the rest of the media. It's like they talk about stuff like this. And, yeah, there's some truth to some of this, sometimes in some places.

But this isn't an example of some kind of like predatory rape culture where a woman reveals herself and she is descended on by, you know, like misogynistic harassment and abuse. You want to see a rape culture looking cologne where they've imported young men from a real rape culture into Germany. This is like in many cases this is in many cases like marginalized autistic guys just sort of spurging out that there's a woman there.

That's a new word for me. Spurging out. I love that. It's good isn't it? And I don't mean that with any disrespect to these guys and i don't think they would mind me saying that many of these people are my fans and many of these people love me and i don't think they would mind me saying that um but in many cases it's just it's a sort of um it's an event it's a spectacle and they're grateful for the girl there and if they don't always know how to behave. That's a failing of social sophistication, etiquette,

and appropriate behavior, not sexism, not abuse, not harassment. Wait, let me just interrupt. I don't completely disagree when you say it's a failure of, I don't know, social norms. I can't quote you even though it was 10 seconds ago. But it's also what happens when you add anonymity and a lack of repercussions. There's something about 4chan. I don't know if you're familiar with 4chan at all, but it's... Very familiar.

Okay, well, then everybody is anonymous. My favorite website on the internet. I've tried carefully. All right, so everybody in 4chan is anonymous. And because of that, you've probably seen the thing about the girl advantage being removed, right? You know how they don't have to be interesting. Yes.

Okay. For people not familiar with it, there's this theory. I hope I get it right where they say like, Oh, the reason girls are treated as it's tits or get the fuck out because they don't, it's the only way that they get to regain their girl advantage.

Otherwise they're just judged purely on the way that guys are by how clever or fun. Exactly. Women don't like that. are by how clever or fun they are. Women don't like that. So Tito Get the Fuck Out isn't a misogynistic, isn't a reflection of misogynistic culture. It's actually even worse for progressives. It's worse than sexism. Tito Gets the Fuck Out is incredibly threatening to progressive orthodoxy, not because it's sexist, but because it seeks to eliminate identity politics and it seeks to destroy the basis of progressive thinking, which is that what you are, which is that who you are and what you're able to do and what you think stems from what you are. And that is a that is a that is a direct assault on the fundamental principles of modern progressivism, which is why they hate it.

There's something interesting about fortune and that everybody's a faggot. Everybody's a nigger. There's something interesting about 4chan in that everybody's a faggot, everybody's a nigger, and it's just like this is what happens when you pull away the repercussions, and there's like an equality to it too. So anyway, circling back to the gamer thing, when you apply the same level of anonymity, it allows their inner douchebag to come out, and it's not just like, oh, you know, they're not being taught social norms. No, they're put in an environment where social norms have no repercussions and this is what you get. But that's not always such a bad thing. That's like an online forum thing more so than in-game, I notice.

I feel like people are way more likely to be a douchebag in a forum that's anonymous like Reddit than if you get into a Call of Duty lobby and there's a chick in there. Nine times out of ten, it's not them yelling awful sexist things at her. It's them trying to get her to join a party or being friendly.

That heavily outweighs. Oh, if your voice is involved and it's not text-based, absolutely. I've seen that so many times. They don't want to chase the woman out. They want to play with the woman. They want attention from the woman. They want approval from the woman they don't want that woman to leave they want them to come in

I've seen it so many times I have female friends that I used to play with on a regular basis I would get on every night and there was a girl who would get on and play with me and as soon as someone heard that voice they're like and she would tell me obviously because we're actually in a private chat but they're pinging her with messages hey come play with us we're really good we'll take care of you they're they're literally like trying to be some alpha male out in they're going they're they're de-evolving to caveman they're like oh we protect you a lot of a lot of women find that she was a lot of women find attention at scale to be very threatening right but it that doesn't mean that what they're

getting are threats women find that uncomfortable women mean that what they're getting are threats. Women find that uncomfortable. Women find that difficult to deal with. They don't like the volume of attention they're getting, but that doesn't make the attention hostile. It doesn't make the motivation hostile. It simply means that the social dynamics of that situation are such that they don't necessarily always suit very sensitive women. But you cannot compare Call of Duty or any of these other games, even if it's like Dota or something, it can be very aggressive, you cannot compare that with Pol.

What was that word? With Pol on 4chan. Oh, okay, okay, yeah. Thank you. You cannot compare it with Pol. And the other thing I find infuriating about games journalism these guys all lived in these worlds. They've been on 4chan. They've lived in these video game communities. And what they do is

they shit on their own past and their own hobby and their own teenage years when what they do is they'll step back and then pick out cherry pick elements of what I find to be you know, teenage years, when what they do is they'll step back and then pick out, like, cherry pick elements of what I find to be a beautiful, fragile, fascinating subculture, where some of the most interesting conversations on the internet happen, you know, which is why

preserving anonymity is so important. That's a whole other conversation. We have a whole other four-hour show about, like, why anonymity is important. But, you know, I think it's one of the most important things on the internet. It must be protected at all costs. And it gives rise to these incredibly valuable, fragile subcultures. What these journalists do, journalists who know better, they deliberately lie to their readers by, for example, pulling out faggot and saying, see, it's homophobic. Or they'll pull out nigger and they'll say, see, it's racist.

Tits will get the fuck out see it's sexist and what they do is they construct this specter this this horror show this this um uh hypothetical horror show of a sexist racist homophobic um transphobic straight white male bigot and they use that stereotype to um fuck over the people they don't like and to bully people. That person doesn't exist. He's a construct. And he's a construct put together by deliberately disingenuous cherry picking of a culture that everyone on this call understands. And those journalists understand too. They get it too.

I don't know that I'd want anything to change because I'm afraid that the alternative is worse than the reality. But you say, hey, it's an overwhelming intention that women don't like. I, as a minor league internet celebrity, sometimes get that overwhelming intention too. And it's hard. It's hard when people target you.

In Call of Duty, after you kill someone, you can hear what they say for a couple of seconds. They're calling out my position. They're saying, Woody's in greenhouse, first floor. And it's like, ah, this is making it so much more difficult would you call that harassment no not harassment but i'm saying that's what the journalists do 11 that's what they're mischaracterizing it's not the right term for it but it's a more difficult playing field when you get more attention than you would

have otherwise and i i see it in game on even on minecraft which is you know what many strong women and i would join these strong women in saying, oh, you're popular. Well, boo fucking who? What an awful life for you that everybody wants to know you and everyone wants to be around you.

You go on as a woman and these are environments and suddenly everybody wants to be your best friend. What a problem to have. You know, like, get a grip. There are people who cannot deal with this situation.

Those people shouldn't put themselves in environments they're not going to be comfortable in. This is just like the real world. If you're not comfortable in areas that you feel unsafe in, like for example, walking down a ghetto back alley at 3 AM in the morning, don't put yourself in that situation. Why should we sanitize and police and control every online environment to make it like it's midday in the middle of Knightsbridge or like it's in some nice bit of town where no one is going to speak to you or look at you? And in fact, many of those nice bits of town have just as much crime as everywhere else.

We've got this idea that we should create some sort of bizarre utopia online. Well, the world isn't like that and people aren't like that. People need to let off steam. People need to explore their own sexuality, identity, to explore who they are. 4chan is like a really essential pressure valve for a lot of young boys who increasingly don't have anywhere else in life to let off that steam. If they're in the playground and they get a bit too boisterous, they get whacked on fucking psychotropic drugs. what do they do they go to they go to poll and they let off steam and they pretend to be an anti-semite because it's shocking and it's fun and they try to be like the worst most outrageous person in the world i find it funny if you don't find it funny don't

fucking go there right but don't knowing better go into that community cherry pick you know terminology from it and habits from it that that know exist to protect that community, not to attack anybody else. People from Pole don't go out into the rest of the world and cause havoc unless they're forced to. Look at what happened with Gamergate and 4chan, right? Christopher Poole banned Gamergate from 4chan. What happened? Gamergate spilled out into the whole rest of the internet. Gamergate would never have been such a big thing if two things hadn't happened.

One, if I hadn't got involved, forgive me for the conceit. And two, if he hadn't banned it on 4chan, because where did those people go? They went to Reddit, they went to Twitter, they went to comment sections, they became so much more visible. They started showing up in other people's houses. What should have happened is just let it happen in a safe environment rather than going in and destroying what is actually a sort of male safe space, if you like. We're constantly told about safe spaces for women, safe spaces for blacks, safe spaces for everybody else. Well, sometimes young men need safe spaces too. Older men need them as well. Pubs, golf clubs, all of those are going because feminists say they're all sexist environments. They've got to be shut down. Men don't really have anywhere to go to be

men anymore and young boys feel that need acutely. Young boys really need those spaces. It's a very poorly understood kind of safe space but it is a really essential one. When you attack them by deliberately misrepresenting what they are and what they do and who is there, it doesn't just do a disservice to your readers but it is this sort of ugly sociopathic behavior that I hate when feminists do it and I hate it when these games journalists do it because these games journalists should be the people sticking up for those guys. They should be the champions of those guys. They should do what they did in the 90s when Jack Thompson was saying video games create school shooters

and turn everyone violent. They should be doing the same thing with sexism. There's no reason to suppose that video games don't make you violent, which there's no evidence that they do. There's no reason to suppose that video games can make you sexist either. None of the studies suggest that this is the case. There is no evidence whatsoever. The worst you can say is that the jury is out on both of them. And even that is, you know, you have to be incredibly charitable to the other position to arrive at that. You know, journalists ought to be sticking up for these guys. They should be defending these as what I think they are, which is precious, fragile, fascinating subcultures. Places where conversations happen that don't happen anywhere else on the internet. You can go and read Poll. And if you're the sort of person who can just set aside the faggot, the nigger, the Jew stuff, you find incredibly brilliant minds debating stuff that really matters in a way that is censored everywhere else you go on the internet.

You look at Reddit, right? This week, you couldn't talk about Cologne honestly on Reddit because you'd get banned and censored. We wrote stories about this at Breitbart Tech. At least two of you are nodding because you recognize this. You couldn't go onto Reddit and talk about the physical attributes of the assailants for about 18 hours until it became impossible to lie about it anymore. But you could do it on 4chan. Can you outline Cologne for people who don't know about it anymore. But you can do it on four channels. Can you outline Cologne for people who don't know about it? Yeah, so in Cologne, a thousand Muslim immigrants

I heard from Syria. Almost all from Syria. So of the 15 arrests, 14 Syrians, one Afghan. So Muslim is technically accurate rather than just Syrian migrants, because this is a sort of religious cultural problem. Congregated around a train station in Cologne which is a city in germany um and proceeded to

sexually molest and in two cases so far rape young german women um the police could not deal with the outbreak of it the police then lied about it and said that they didn't realize there was such a problem an actual fact on the streets the police simply couldn't deal with the volume of it happening everywhere the government said that um the government blamed right-wing websites and said that what's going on on chat rooms is at least as bad as what happened to those women um and this is progressivism gone crazy they're lit they're saying effectively that um words on the internet are at least as bad as rape. This is the situation the German government's got itself into.

And they formed a gauntlet. I think that's important to realize. They formed a gauntlet that these women had to walk through. On either side, there are men. You had no way out of it. And the only way is forward. And they were tearing off these women's clothes. They were tearing off these women's clothes as they walked past. And the mayor of the city.

And there's a thousand, like, you know, 22 year old, like, you know, Muslim men, terrifying. And the mayor of Cologne in the most hilarious,

like, and well, sort of tragicomic, I guess, um, moment I've, you know, possibly of the year.

Well, definitely of the year so far said, um, I think there should be a code of conduct for women so that they, you know, how to behave so they don't get molested. That is like, well, there's this thing in feminism. Victim blaming.

That flies in the face of everything. It sounds like if you hadn't been going out late at night in a short skirt in the wrong bit of town, you wouldn't have got raped. Like, are we fucking kidding? Did you have your burqa on? Yeah, exactly. I felt like the next words out of her mouth were going to be something about Sharia law. Like maybe you should get a male family member.

All escorted, not going out after 8pm. And do you know what would be a really good idea? Why don't you get a niqab because then they won't look at you at all. Yeah, but don't drive, not allowed. That's a good strong point. No actually, I have to disagree with you on that because that's about the only thing that Saudi Arabia gets right. No female drivers. Oh, God. You see, I've made this joke so many times, but no one ever seems to notice or enjoy it.

So I keep making it until people laugh. Well, here we are. People who watch this will have heard me make that joke about five times. Now I can retire it. Have you heard about when the king of Saudi Arabia goes and visits with the queen of england and i guess she was a driver uh in some capacity at some point so she's got driving experience and she drives the vehicle that they're in and like does some off-roading and scared him apparently she loves that she loves that because she's like um i don't know the specific instance you're talking about but she's like she loves like getting behind the wheel of

her land rover and driving around her estate and stuff. She's quite down to earth. In fact, the very aristocratic families of Europe look down on the British royal family as being a bit bourgeois. The Windsors are seen as a little bit low rent compared to the very grand, for example, the very grand families of Germany. You know, the family or the or something. The Habsburgs, yes. You know, the great dynasties of Europe are not really represented in the British monarchy. The British monarchy is seen as a bit low rent and the queen is seen as… I think my friend Jeremy has descended from them.

You don't know Jeremy but he's not descended from them at all. While we're taking a moment here, I want to tell the fans out there a little bit about Dollar Shave Club. You guys, we figured it out. We here at PKA have discovered the key to an amazing shave. It's simple. That's exactly what dollarshaveclub.com does and why we're proud members like millions of others. Dollarshaveclub.com delivers amazing razors right to my door for a third of the price of what those greedy razor corporations charge. Joining dollarshaveclub.com means that you can afford to shave with a fresh blade anytime you want, which feels fantastic. And for the smoothest shave ever, use a Fresh Dollar Shave Club blade with their Dr. Carver

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I'm in the south somewhere. I can bring it on out if you'd like. The words will just pour out of my mouth, like my man. Do you mind if I just... But all I do, a couple of accents. You never know, I could do, you know, whatever you'd like to hear from me, I give it to you. Yeah, I just lost my boner. Yeah, right?

I feel like you would like, like, Russian or Romanian guys, those big, hairy, powerful guys that would... Do you know, actually, I was just being a dick because I do like you would like Russian or Romanian guys, those big, hairy, powerful guys. Do you know, actually, I was just being a dick because I do like Russians, yeah. Everybody likes Russians. They're wonderful. Where are you from in the States? Georgia. Georgia.

Oh, I think I'm coming to Georgia sometime soon. I have this huge ridiculous tour this year. Perhaps Kyle could have an eye-opening experience. It's going to be great. I'm basically visiting everywhere I've ever wanted to go in America. I don't have enough dates yet in the proper South, like real America, sort of Kentucky, Tennessee, but I'm working on that.

Are you into guns or anything? Are you going to take advantage of that? I love guns. I grew up with horses and guns. I'm actually a country boy, so I'm going to be shooting everywhere I go. I've got two weeks in Texas in April so I'm basically going to do a talk at a university and then spend a day at the range. Talk at university, day at the cookout.

Talk at university, day on the range again. That's a big part of what I do for a living. My YouTube channel is all guns. Kyle may have the best armory of anyone you know. Yeah, he's got more guns than any person I know. I get to see you shooting. That's like the best porn ever. Yeah! Oh, you have guns than any person I know. I get to see you shooting. That's like the best porn ever. Oh, you have no idea.

We have a real good time. Wow, check that thing out. It's a shotgun. It's a double barrel shotgun, but it's a pump, which is kind of a revolutionary silly thing. And it's just covered with shit. How many guns do you have within Arm's reach right now, Kyle?

It's kind of like a bullet. You don't even want to know. Within arm's reach right now? There's an RPG behind him. Yeah, this is an RPG round. America. America. All right, well, listen, if I come to Georgia, I'm going to call on you to take me out and blow something up.

I can absolutely handle that. Oh, look at you. His inner 10-year-old just came out, didn't he? Oh, wow. Hang on, I can keep this going for a while. They're literally all in reach, aren't they? No, this is just a small fraction of the... No, yeah, he has...

I'm not going to say anything other than the fact that he's very well armed. Well over 100. This is just a duplicate of the one I showed you before. I've got five of those. There's a Glock here. Hang on, I got... This feels like a UTAS-15.

Yep. That's exciting. Yeah, I got it. Don't make you anxious having that much money and guns just sitting out while not in a safe. They're going to have a hard time taking them from you. Oh, that's wonderful. You're like the living embodiment of toxic masculinity.

The feminists will hate you. Yeah, that's wonderful. You're like the living embodiment of toxic masculinity. The feminists will hate you. Yeah, that's what I do. I do a lot of machine guns and, I don't know, fireballs and explosions and shit like that. Right. Well, if I come to Georgia, we're going to blow stuff up together, okay? Certainly. That's what we do here. Right now, I'm in the process of building a giant castle out of hay bales so I can burn it with my flamethrower.

Oh, dude. With your semi-retarded employee. He is a little dim. I'd like to have him tested. Just so I know if I'm violating some state law by employing this guy.

Or at least take him to the doctor and get him fixed. There's no fixing that. Maybe they'll fit him with a helmet. But there's no fixing this. All you can do at this point is prevent future damage. Helmet, maybe something like that. You know those things when, like, a two-year-old can barely walk and he's in that little ring that keeps him from falling over?

He needs one of those. He just fucks shit up all day, every day. Guy can't dig a hole. He sounds adorable. And where are the other guys from? Where are you two from? I'm in St. Louis, Missouri. Oh, you're in Missouri.

Okay. So I'm coming to Missouri as well. So I'll buy you a beer. St. Louis or Kansas City? I think I'm going to Mizzou. Oh, yeah. So you'll have fun with that big nonsense breakout. But that's where I went to college.

Oh, it is? It wasn't nearly as bad when I was there. It seemed to have changed a lot, even like the last three, four years. But yeah, it's getting out of control with their PC nonsense there. Well, I'm going to go with a t-shirt that says Black Dicks Matter, and I'm going to...

Can we steal that and put that in our t-shirt store? Alright, well, let's do that. You can. I've got a t-shirt. I'm going to do yes. Alright, well, let's do that. You can. I've got a t-shirt. I'm going to do it in my store too, but you can have it as well. No one's going to buy that shirt. Do it. I've got like two...

I've got a black t-shirt with two cutouts of my face and then just in white letters like Black Dicks Matter. So I'm going to wear that on the Mizzou campus and see what happens. And, you know, actually I agree with these guys. I'm a black supremac on the Mizzou campus and see what happens. Actually, I agree with these guys. I'm a black supremacist too.

I have so much in common with Black Lives Matter. Woody, where are you from? North Carolina. Raised in Jersey, but I've lived here for 16 years. What are the cities in North Carolina? Remind me. Raleigh is a big one. Charlotte is probably the next big one. Okay, great. I've heard of those. I don't think I have a date planned there, but probably the next big one. Okay, great.

I don't think I have a date planned. But I'll let you know. I'm half tempted to invite myself to your event with Kyle. Yeah. You really should. When I shoot some guns, that's literally what I do. We could redo this live. We could do it from the second floor of your burning castle.

That sounds like the wrong floor. Maybe in his nice house. Maybe pre-burn. Yeah, that's a really dangerous way to hold a show. You'd have to let Milo try out the flamethrower. But he'd have so much fun. Is that a flaming joke? I don't know. Oh God, I just got it.

Maybe it wasn't intended. And it's like, I don't need a flamethrower. Milo, I have a question. So you probably know my videos, but I ran this series called Male Monday for Ages where people would ask me for life advice questions. And one of the ones was gay guys in high school. I want to know your opinion of the advice

I would sometimes give. Okay. In general. I'm just going to tell you that you've ruined people's school. I want to know your opinion of the advice I would sometimes give. Okay. In general... I'm just going to tell you that you've ruined people's lives. I hope not. But I would often advise them not to come out during high school. That it's a tough environment and that I really like adults that come out.

I feel like every adult that comes out and says, you know, this is me, I'm normal, except for... Yeah. With extravagant taste in the bedroom. They move the whole gay movement forward but in high school you're young and you don't need to take that kind of potentially negative social

repercussions uh i almost like you closeted until you're dealing with in the adult world thought i don't think gay people should come out at all i disagree disagree. No, no, it was much better in the 50s when gay people were living like secret double lives. They had wives, they had kids, they were doing their gay thing on the side. Society wasn't missing out on that 2% to 5% of the population because you know we're all so much smarter than you.

We're like a standard deviation cleverer than you. Gay people are like a master race. I don't know. That is a time when they viewed homosexuality as a mental disease. And some of those guys were getting, what do they call it when they remove a bit of your brain? Lobotomies.

You can't move a lobotomy. Lobotomies. And chemical sterilization. That's just because the straights were jealous. We were smarter than them. So they started cutting in bits of our brains out. That's not actually a thing that I worry about. I can't tell your beliefs go from your beliefs to just satire.

What? There's a seamless transition. You're a very clearly gay guy going, you know what, 50s in the USA, way better. I would have loved to have been strung up next to the black guy. Look, I very sincerely believe that the best thing for society generally would be if gay people kept breeding and they're not breeding anymore. Because we're really smart and IQ is like 60 to 80% heritable. IQ, not a great measure of everything, blah, blah, blah. But it's

the thing we need in a globalized information economy. It's what makes great mathematicians, physicists, chess players, you name it. And it's 60 to 80% heritable. And I want all the smartest people in the world to continue to breed so we can compete with China and Russia and India and everywhere else. Now, in the 50s, gay people would shack up and have relationships with women and they would go out and do their gay thing in the evenings. You'd get yourself a beard. Exactly.

People would still have kids. These days, gays, if they have kids at all, adopt them. And that's bad for everyone. So, yeah. Now you've just got fabulous stupid children the advice i would give is like yeah who wants fabulous stupid kids like it's not my genetic kid so the best i can do is like put it in a tutu and then what um the best advice would be stay in the closet and then when you get to an age where it's becoming really difficult like

get off to a camp and you know try to pray it away so are you going to reproduce ever? well I want to know from my life are you going to donate sperm? I'm kidding Sly you get a surrogate involved I'm sure maybe you pick up that's what um oh god damn it what's Doogie Howser's real name uh... he's got three names uh... Neil Patrick. Neil Patrick Harris.

Neil Patrick Harris. I heard his interview on the Stern Show, and he goes into length about he and... You don't like this guy? Come on! How can you not like Neil Patrick Harris? He's so talented! Everything that gay people shouldn't be. What?

Like, boring, domesticated, like, married, safe... How old are you, Milo? you're not supposed to ask a lady that um i would be like 31 or 32 i think yeah 31 i wonder if your opinion on this evolves eight years no no i'm gonna get worse oh it's gonna evolve in a direction you won't like because i used to be more liberal than i am now um no i um he's exactly what gay people shouldn't be neil patrick harris perfect example of like a pet gay he is a safe little gay package that liberals can be like oh look look how lovely and and enlightened and non-homophobic we are we've got neil patrick harris he's never going to say anything dangerous he's never going to say

anything interesting he's never like wayne br dangerous. He's never going to say anything interesting. He's never going to say... So instead you would prefer if they put someone like a Mr. Leather contestant on that pedestal and say, this is what a gay guy is. No, I want them to start celebrating drag queen culture properly. I want somebody who just goes out there and cracks outrageous jokes, pushes the boundaries of what can be

thought and said, you know, like breaking all the taboos. That's what's great about gay culture. And that's why gay people are at the forefront of culture and it's what about the gay brain like we were talking about earlier, you know, it means that so many gay people are like visionary inventors and artists and, you know, like what's his face? Alan Turing, for God's sake.

All the brilliant visual artists are homosexuals. Why? Because they push boundaries. All of them? Really? No, no, sorry. No, I'm just speaking of Steve. All the good ones. Gays are so untrue. No, of course sorry All the good ones So untrue That's funny I should be very specific I should be very specific here

The very, very, very, very best of everything Tends to be heterosexual Like the best painters The best painters are heterosexual The best chefs are heterosexual But there's a gigantic class Da Vinci and Michelangelo were both gay hmm

there's a huge gigantic underclass beneath them of gay people who push the boundaries and who enable those great discoveries and of course gays are overrepresented in genuinely transformative world figures like Abraham Lincoln, Alexander the Great

you name it how do you know how do you know all these famous gay people because i'm told lincoln's not we have we have them in our handbook you know when they are no there's a lot of apparently lincoln had yeah apparently i've done research on this too apparently lincoln sometimes shared a bed with a guy and they use that to interpret that he was gay but at the time Shakespeare went into the cathedral once so he must be Catholic yeah no I know I know yeah apparently like sharing beds with guys even like I've shared beds with guys and it doesn't make me gay um okay so I think the general the general point yeah I don't think so I don't think so

yeah I usually get bunked with with Joe Lozon in those situations. Yeah, because of the snoring. Yeah. I have definitely spent – I have shared a room with you for sure because when we went up to – In Boston, yeah, yeah. You are a snorer, my friend. You are. I would remember something like that.

What's that? You snore really badly. That's a lie. No, that's not true. It's tremendous. I'll be honest. Like I've fallen asleep next to hundreds of men and you do look like a snorer. My nose has been broken many times.

That'll be it. That'll be it. Young me. And like I had the opposite experience as Taylor. I went to the plastic surgeon after my nose was broken and the guy was like such a douche we didn't go back and it was one of my life mistakes and i would even say because i was like 17 maybe a dude book that shit you can have a new nose everybody in america have a broken nose i haven't so much as broken a finger or toe like four times yeah well were you into sports at all milo yeah you would think as much of an asshole as you

are similar yeah right i figured you'd have like yeah oh yeah my orbital socket both of them oh these are my teeth and uh yeah like i'm half the asshole you are and people punch me in the face way too often as a child yeah you've broken my heart with that impression. My manager is British and she's from London and so as I was coming downstairs to do the show, she was like, oh, this is funny. You can't do an accent in front of him. And I was like, I'm totally going to do it. I don't care.

Because she hates it too. But when I imitate her, you know, and make it all cockney and dirty, all high pitched, sounds like I've got a bit of shit in my her, you know, and make it all cockney and dirty, all high-pitched, says, like, I've got a bit of shit in my mouth, you know? And she's very posh, of course. Well, you also do it directly to her face. Yeah, as every fine young British lady is, I suppose. She went to allocution classes and all that bullshit. So she speaks very properly, actually.

None of that, none of that. And so I like rubbing it in her face and I speak very nicely because the kind of like low rent guys that I go for find it a turn on for me to be like kind of like gobby little bottom and then they get to kind of like break it later you know

so sort of like the you know like said the more obnoxious and mouthy and posh you are like it just kind of like makes the it's it sort of heightens the anticipation for the eventual hate fuck you know i see i see he's gonna fuck you into your place right no exactly it's like with girls you know you want to break something beautiful yeah yeah like this is hilarious i know i know you understand what I'm talking about. A little bit, yeah. Anyway, well, I am the something beautiful.

No, what were you talking about? We were talking about homosexuals again. It started with gays in high school. With broken noses. Oh, you had one. I asked you about sports, and I've heard you before online talk about how great American sports are. Oh, God, so good. All of the best sports. I've heard you before online talk about how great American sports are compared to football. All of the best sports.

I love American sports. Lauding American sports. It's great. I love American sports. I mean we only have gay sports. We've got soccer which is for women and homosexuals. Cricket. Cricket. What the fuck is cricket? I don't know. I love American sports. Like ice hockey. Although it does come

with that paddle. Oh, ice hockey is the best. There is no equivalent to ice hockey. American football is fucking amazing. Mainly because I want to have sex with everyone on the field. It's just a field full of 30 gigantic black guys. But the offensive linemen have big bellies. Yeah, maybe, but not all of them. I'm a Dolphins fan.

I'm sorry. I follow them a little bit. You can pick any team you want, right? You don't live here. Yeah, I don't really have to care that much. Basketball, awesome. Absolutely great. Again, good demographics for me.

Not a big hockey fan, I take it. No, I like a little bit of ice hockey, but only because it's really violent. You know, you can kill somebody. I mean, I'm with Ann Coulter on this. I don't think it's a sport unless you can get seriously fucking injured. I don't think it's a sport unless you could, in theory, die.

Nobody dies playing soccer. Nobody dies playing cricket. You know, it's not really exciting unless there's some serious risk of injury or death. You should check out MMA. Well, MMA is great. Formula One racing, at least we do have that in Europe, which that's exciting. You know, lots of big explosions and, you know, whatever.

We had a guy die. Is it out in the center? Had a guy die like 10 years ago. That was good, like, Wang Bank material. Yeah. So no, real sports involve serious risk. I agree with you 100%. I often come up with ways to tweak modern sports to make them more dangerous

and therefore, in my opinion, more interesting. Baseball is a game that I find, if it's my team, I guess I can watch. If I particularly like a player and his skill set. I can enjoy that. But for the most part, it's such a snooze fest. I feel like they need some pits out there in the field that are concealed. And so when you're running, trying to leap and catch the ball, every now and then, trap door. And you're in the pit with angry badgers.

And maybe the ball should have a load of spikes on it and one of them is poisoned or something. Actually, I was thinking that, A, they should use aluminum bats, which hit the ball much faster back at the, you know, the fielders. You'd kill a lot of pitchers if you changed to that. You'd kill some pitchers if you changed to aluminum bat, and I'm all for that. I also

want at least once. Although as a gay man, I need to look after my pitchers, so you know, I need you to look after those guys. Well, the catchers got it rough too, because I want the baseball to, at random, at least once per game, explode. I just want it to blow up at some point. Just blow up.

And it could be midair, in which case all gravy. That's a home run. Yeah. If it blows up. Yeah. Yeah, good. Excellent. That's an extra point.

You had a couple good tips for basketball as well that everybody hated when you brought it up. Oh, they hated it so much. They thought you were being serious. They love basketball so much. You can't remove two players and have somebody who's... I think Kyle was making stuff up, and I said that there should be a designated hitter on each team.

His only job was to shove and rough those guys up. I did. That's really good. The biggest change was he wanted to raise the rim by two feet. I want to raise the rim by two fucking feet so that only like 10% of the NBA players can actually dunk the thing. And my point was that this game was invented in Indiana with a bunch of white boys

shooting at a peach basket with a hole in it. Now we've got these gigantic black guys with wingspans like jets out there. So get two of them off the court and play four on four. Every once in a while they get some guy from, like, I don't know, Kenya named, like, Umbugu, and he's, like, 7'9", and you'll see him, and he's terrible, weighs 68 pounds,

catches the ball, and then will just reach up and drop it in. And it's like there's all the skill, all the potential skill has been removed. The four-player thing is the one thing. I think in soccer they should take the goal really narrow so that there's a very high chance that the goalie will get knocked out by the ball. Because it's a huge thing. You can't defend the whole thing. So just take the goal really like make it like two-thirds smaller

so that people are all like – a it's basically a bottleneck and there there's at least the potential for injury in ice hockey they've started taking players off of the court i'm sorry off of the ice and it's really made for like some of the best moments in ice hockey are when there's fewer players so the fewer players thing in basketball like i feel like it deserves some sort of pre-season experiment to see how that rolls you start to develop that sort of um the thing that you normally only get in one-on-one sports like tennis, where you can like, you know, somebody's eyes lock onto somebody else and it becomes like a battle of

wills. And as you know, the ultimate showdown, one man, one man, one survivor. And I'll say something else that most people want to agree with. I would rather see three on three basketball than the current state of the NBA. I'd rather see the threeon-three basketball than the current state of the NBA. I'd rather see three amazing players play against three amazing players than just the way it is now. I don't like basketball, though.

I feel like the fewer players, the more interesting it is. I just watch it with the sound off in slow motion while I'm touching myself. Yeah, catch the replays on ESPN. That's the way to go. Bring the trampoline basketball back. Kyle, let's add Reed, and then I have a new topic. Sweetly.

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I went to a friend's house years ago. And he was like, he's really into wine. He makes his own. He has a wine cellar, stuff like that. And I'm sitting here thinking that I don't like wine. And then he goes through and he's like, did you like this one? It's dry. I don't even know what dry means.

Like, it's obviously a liquid. And I still don't know what try means. I don't really get it either, honestly. But he eventually gives me one, and it's like a fruity kind of tasty wine. And I'm like, oh, I didn't know it, but I do like wine. I just like a particular kind of wine. And with Club W, they – I just relearned this word with Taylor's help, they're your sommelier. Did I get that right?

Yeah, yeah. And they ask you questions like, hey, how do you like your coffee? And if you say, oh, you know, fill it with cream and sugar, they'll recommend a different wine to you than if you had said, I drink my coffee black. They'll ask you, you know, what your meal is or how you, you know, do you want onions on your steak? And these kinds of things guide them, like based on your taste on other things that you may know something about, like coffee or steak or pizza or whatever, they'll guide you towards the wine

that they think that you like. That's a really interesting way to do it. Like when you said the six question quiz, I was imagining it to be like, you know, do you prefer red or white? Do you like it to be a sweet, earthy body with, you know, oak aftertastes? I'd be like, well, fuck. I don't know anything. If I knew what this shit

meant, I'd be able to pick out a fucking bottle of wine. But the whole, do you like onions on your steak and shit, that actually sounds helpful. Yeah, yeah. Maybe I'll figure it out because I can't find wine that I like now. You do not want a dry wine. Dry refers to, it's like, it's how much of the sugar in the wine

has been converted to alcohol. So a very dry wine. It makes the back of your tongue feel like spongiform and gross. I hate it. Have you ever been close to someone with red wine breath? Like maybe two hours after they finish drinking? It's horrific. Nobody likes that.

I also went to a wine tasting in Nice. We talked about this before the show. And in there, I discovered that there are a couple of wines that i genuinely like as well so like i don't know club w guides you towards the ones you actually like yeah wine is one of those things where once you find one you like you can actually like it but the vast majority of wines i don't care for i definitely don't like most red wines um i went to a a wine tasting one time and uh I must have tasted, I got pretty fucking drunk, so maybe a dozen different wines, I don't know. But I finally found one.

Glass number 10 tasted delicious, believe it or not. And it happened to be a dessert wine. And in the same regard, that's not a dry wine at all. A lot of sugar left in it. It's like really sweet wine, huh? You all like sweet wine. Both he and I share this thing where we don't like alcohol. We don't like alcohol at all. A lot of sugar left in it. You all like sweet wine. Both he and I share this thing where we don't like alcohol. We don't like

alcohol at all. The taste of alcohol, like a beer that you can... We don't like beer very much. We both like something with a flower stuck out of it and eight straws. In the 90s you would have been cosmopolitan drinkers. Oh no, that's much too

strong for us. I think pina colada the last perspective last time we had a drinking episode uh kyle had his apple cider i just had regular beer and then woody being ridiculous filled a glass like a juice glass with like 20 baileys and all the rest was just half and half. It was Kalu and Cream. Yeah, that sounds absolutely disgusting. Kalu and Cream, ugh. Now I'm on my new workout regime. I have been taken off all the alcohol I love,

which is the high-calorie alcohol like brandy and white wines. It's very sweet. It's terrible. Awful hangovers if you drink too much of it. Champagne, awful. So now I'm on a hideous, like literally the worst thing in the world, vodka soda.

And it is your collective idea of hell because all you can taste is the alcohol. It's literally just like... You need more lime in it. No, it's too sweet. Calories, no. Bullshit, there's no calories in a fucking lime. You're getting a dozen limes. No, no, no. Fruit's really bad for you.

You shouldn't have too much fruit. Just roast your teeth in full of sugar. Put some fucking lime juice in there, you'll like it. You think your trainer would get that pissed off if he finds out that with your vodka soda you had a slice of lime? The whole day, fucking down the drain. God damn it, by the way.

What am I wasting my time for with you? Oh, gotta have a lime slice in his drink, doesn't he? Gay guy needs a lime in his drink. If you guys were my trainer, I would never work out. I've actually got a really sweet young guy who's very encouraging, and he's got this lovely way of sort of semi-scolding me, but not in a nasty way, because I don't respond well to... I respond well to scolding in the bedroom, but not in the rest of my life.

So if somebody's having a go at me and telling me I'm useless and I'm a useless sack of shit, I wouldn't deal well in marine basic training. Because I'd just be like, bitch, what? If a guy's going to call you a cocksucker, you want him to mean it. No, it's like, no, you shut up. I have a naturally contrarian disposition, so I wouldn't deal well with that. But he's very nice, very encouraging, and he'll say, for example, if I forget to put the food that I've eaten in the tracking app,

he'll just be like, oh, did you happen to get around to – and somehow he does it in a way that's not passive-aggressive. tracking app he'll just be like um oh did you did you happen to get around to um and and it's sort of like it's and somehow he does it in a way that's not passive aggressive he's just genuinely being nice and sweet but he still reminds me that i haven't done it so yeah no it's good it's good it's very sort of gentle constructive thing and because he's so sweet about it i've started to feel guilty when i don't comply so it's very clever and it's very brilliant. I'm actually an amateur personal trainer. Are you? Yes. We had a whole video series at my house. I did not know where you were going with that.

You sneak a beat. That's not what that means. The fact that you invited someone who's overweight to your house for a month and made them do weird YouTube videos and dragged themselves by rope on the floor does not make that a amateur personal trainer. So what I did, and fast forward, was we have a friend who weighs about 440 pounds.

And I'm always struggling with this weight loss thing. And I'm always saying, like, look, dude, calories in, calories out. Basic workout program, and two years from now, you'll be a normal human being. And he's like, no, no, can't do it. Can't do it. Excuse, excuse, excuse. And I'm like, come to my house, and I'll make you do it. So he comes and lives at my house with me for a fucking month and uh and we we trained every day and I put him on a diet he lost somewhere in the nature of 40 pounds in 30 days or something like that which

he'd never done before without the help of uh uh speed basically as some sort of a what is that in kilos like 40 pounds um how many pounds are in a kilo like two and Like 2.7 or something like that? So he lost a lot of fucking weight. He lost a lot of weight. 18 kilos. In a month, that's huge. Yeah. So yeah, I think that qualifies me as an amateur personal trainer. Plus, I was very innovative with my workout technique.

You're dealing with a guy who has joint pain, a guy whose hips can come out of joint, a guy whose knees and back are bad. He weighs 440 pounds. So I thought, what kind of workout are we going to do for cardio? So I had him sit on the floor, and he's got a rope in his hands, and that rope is attached to my friend who's also on the floor. And my friend's name is Jeremy, and I called this workout Jeremy Pulls. He has to pull the rope and drag my friend across the floor So he's just sitting there

Presumably to support rather than humiliate you documented this on film both absolutely yeah funny business like dressing up Jeremy in mascot costumes There were lots of costumes. There were lots of silliness. I always came up with silly workout programs and his workout partner is always like, one day he's a priest, one day he's a gorilla mask. Like he's doing boxing drills,

but the guy with the mitts is dressed as a gorilla. Like full gorilla suit, stuff like that. So we made kind of a comedy weight loss series. Do you know that one of the biggest lies that is told in the media today is that fat shaming doesn't work? Actually, it's more complex than that. Fat shaming does work, but only if your friends are hot. So what the studies actually show, which nobody ever really reports because it's too subtle and it's not interesting.

It doesn't fit the stop being mean to fat people narrative um well the studies actually show is that if you are a large person and you are surrounded by or you have a couple of close friends who are all very attractive successful good looking like you know alpha alpha male types um fat shaming works fat shaming doesn't work if you're surrounded by other fat people um now there are various psychological reasons why you might be able to imagine that's the case nobody really knows but um your friend being with you probably did respond well to the kind of ritual humiliation that you put him through so you may have been doing in fact the best thing for him well he's it's two years down the road and

he's up to 450 right about now so yeah you know i did the best short term you were a great trainer i thought so uh i i that was that was a great time and you did do some remodeling for your facilities and so technically i guess you are but he wasn't going to fit in my shower so we we installed a very large shower so that he could live in No, she stole the shower for him. Yeah, it was a really nice pretty kind act That's a lovely thing to do aside from the public ritual humiliation see About that I produced so I produced the video. I was the camera. You know I'm the voice behind the camera I'm holding the camera. I'm I'm I edited the videos I mixed the videos, I gave him pointers on what to do

for the videos, then I gave them to him to upload on his channel so that he could take all the monetary gain I see, so you're the victim really I'm certainly not a victim but I was, yeah so alright, I enjoyed it straight white guy that circles back around Milo's whole thing from the beginning

I feel like what I did there was selfless everything comes back to my... What do they call it in science? A grand unifying theory. My grand unifying theory is all about victimhood. Yeah, I felt like what I did there was kind of selfless, but I wanted to help him.

I feel like you have a similar definition of altruism to me, and I'm barking at people for being disgusting fat hogs because I've read somewhere that fat shaming actually does work and I'm feeling like I'm a good person. Yeah, now I get you. We do tons of fat shaming. Self-shaming is the most important kind

of, like, you know that feeling? You have to be fat shaming yourself every day. Every day. I shame myself all day, every day. The problem I've got is I've got a perverse set of incentives to get healthy because the kind of guys I go for quite like the big booty. So,

um, you know, and, and kegels. Yeah. So, um, because I was a horse rider from a young age,

like, even though I'm very big around the back, it's very firm and muscly and they really liked that. So I don't really have much of an incentive to get rid of it. So I've had to really force myself into believing that I need to get in better shape. I feel like fat shaming works. I've had people watch my videos and be like, Oh, he looks like he's getting fat.

And I'm like, looks like I am getting fat. All right. God damn it. All right. Time to do some sit-ups and not eat for a month now. When I go on crash diets, I cut my calories down to 400 a day, 600 a day. And I'll do shitloads of cardio. So you're like a binger, basically.

Yeah, I can lose a lot of weight really, really quickly. In a month, if I want to, I can drop a pound a day, no problem. And fat, not water. Over the course of a a month i'll drop a shitload of weight um i routinely drop 15 pounds in like three week periods like it takes a huge amount of discipline to the thing for me is just it's not so much the exercise because once you once you're actually once you're actually doing it it's kind of fun and your endorphins start going and like you're kind of like no no i don't want to stop it's great but um it's kind of fun and your endorphins start going. You're kind of like, no, no, I don't want to stop. It's great. But it's the not eating. I'm Mediterranean. I'm Greek. So we have a culture of just stuffing our faces all day and all night.

I stay away from, I don't eat meals with my friends or family anymore. All my meals at that point have to be by myself. And what I'll usually do because I'll get fast food, but I'll go to a place that has like grilled chicken sandwiches and I'll literally buy three grilled chicken sandwiches and throw the bread and everything away. And just I'm driving down the road eating grilled chicken breast. When I go on a diet, I go on a diet because I hate diets and I love eating. So I want to get as much done in a small period as possible.

You fluctuate so wildly between all of it, though, because you'll even text me with just some nasty health thing you're eating once in a while where it's like, hey, here's my daily 75-calorie tiny little green shake. It's like, all right, well, I guess Kyle's another kick. And then you'll send me a weird buffet of Taco Bell like four days later with 60,000 calories. So you're kind of like Oprah in that respect. I don't get that fat. My cutoff weight is about 187.

When I get to there, it's time to lose. And I'm happy when I'll usually drop about 10 pounds to like 177, 178. And then I'll eat like a pig again for another month or two. I eat enormous amounts of food when I'm not on a diet. I eat 4,000 or 5,000 calories a day. And big meals usually. I'll go or five thousand calories a day and big meals usually. I'll go to Taco Bell and get $20 worth of tacos. I love Taco Bell so much. We have three in this country. We have three Taco Bells in

all of England and only two of them within driving distance but I have done pilgrimages to all three of them. I've got a Saturday and I'm like, I have nothing really to do today. I'm going to drive to Taco Bell. And it can take three hours for like 20 minutes of, oh God. That's some real commitment since they only really technically have five ingredients. There is, I know right, I could do it at home. But there is a store, it's a shopping center, it's a mall. And they have Taco Bell on the top floor.

And on the way out, on the way to the car park, there's a C and they have taco bell on the top floor and on the way out on the way to the car park there's a cinnabon so it's like you start off with like a few nuggets from mcdonald's and then you go up to taco bell and you just like you know like everyone has their own little taco bell routine like everyone has their own kind of like combination of shit they like so i have my own combination that i know that i like now i get that, then sometimes go back for that again, and then Cinnabon on the way out. Our Taco Bell actually has Cinnabon. So it's one-stop shopping. They have these Cinnabon bites that have cream filling on the inside.

It's a very homoerotic experience eating one, actually. Oh, because it's sort of mmm. Yeah, it blows its load all in your mouth immediately. But it's delicious, so you're just trying to wipe it off. It's not salty like the other. No, it's just delicious. Just absolutely delicious. Salt and sugar are good together.

You do learn to like it. Eventually. New topic? I was liking where that was going. Let's move on. So this was actually on the Painkiller Already subreddit. And, well, I'll kick right into it. I was having trouble coming up with what I should do,

and I have no idea where to get some advice. So I thought some of the PKA fucknards, that's our collective group for our fans, could help me get some advice. I call them faggots. Maybe if I'm lucky, the hosts themselves. So to set this premise, I'm a 16-year-old male who's still a virgin,

and I'm 70% sure that I'm bi. I have a male friend who's been going out with some chick for a couple of weeks and they have invited me to a threesome. My problem is I still haven't lost my virginity. I'm not sure if I should wait till I have lost it properly with one person in a committed relationship before I have a threesome or just do it and get a cool

story. Losing my virginity in a threesome. I've been racking my brain over this and help is appreciated. Who wants to go first? Taylor does. I say go for it, dude. As long as they're your age. Oh, it's a devil's threesome?

Yeah, but he's bi, so he's into that. What's a devil's threesome? Two guys and a girl. As opposed to two girls. I didn't know there were names for that. What's a devil's threesome? Two guys and a girl. As opposed to two girls. I didn't know there were names for them. What's the other one called? Just a threesome, I think. Or menage a trois, maybe? Or devil's threesome?

If he's bi, then yeah, go for it, dude. At the worst case scenario, it's the one chick that you're both going to be worried about predominantly pleasing, so if you guys fail, you're only shouldering 50% of that burden. Also, you're 16.

Nobody's expecting you to be a fucking, you know, Don Juan in there figuring that shit out right away. Like it's kind of an understood thing that you're going to be new. Like, it's not like you're 25 and this is your problem. You're 16. Get in there.

Try it. I do have a perspective on this. I lost my virginity at, I think 13 in an interracial five sim with two drag queens. Is that story true? Yes. No no no that's true that's true. Go on. Page one of the autobiography. And as crazy and preposterous and absurd as that was and it was and I'm a terrible Christian, I'm sorry Jesus, but... The thing that I've taken away...

I like that. The thing that I've taken away from it, and the sex afterwards, is basically like, the first time really doesn't matter that much, and you're going to put so much ludicrous and i'm such a bad question you know it's so much ludicrous emphasis on this the best advice i can give you is to start and don't stop for like for the next four years just like have so much sex like just just fuck everything that moves and don't like try to forget that it's your first time just like blaze through it have a good time enjoy yourself chill don't get like fucking head up about it because it is just the one instance of hundreds of future

instances and you're going to enjoy loads of them and you're going to really not enjoy loads of them so just blaze through it and don't like treat it as this big huge life moment because it isn't um you're going to have like incredible like mind-altering life-defining sexual experiences in your life but the first time you have sex is unlikely to be one of them so just get through it. And then once you basically know where the sort of, once you know the sort of anatomical mechanics of it then you're good to go you know you can start exploring what you really want. I just rubbed chili powder in my eye so I'll be right back oh okay don't go to the bathroom by

accident or anything i did that like i did that two weeks ago right uh i'm sorry i had an opinion on the topic no no on that guy's uh advice question and the way you that you kind of handed it out to us first i figured that you might have a different opinion on it you know i really struggle with it actually like i'm a parent and part of me feels like huh you know i i have a 16 year old it's a girl not a guy but you know if she went to some minor league internet celebrity asking for advice and he said you know what sweetie i think you should fuck everything that moves. I would be like, dude, that's not the advice I want you to give me. I probably wouldn't have given that advice to a 16 year old girl though. Okay.

Yeah, I think it is different. So, you know, going to this guy, my gut says do this. I don't predict that he'll have a lot of regrets over his first experience being with two friends. He wants to be in a committed relationship with someone whom he feels deep love with. I don't know.

I want him to be in a safe space when he does this. I don't really like Myla's first experience, but if it's with two friends... I did. Well, maybe I does this. I don't really like Myla's first experience, you know, but if it's with two friends. I did. Well, maybe I'm wrong, you know. Be serious.

Did you really like your first experience? Yes. Yes, I did. But I appreciate that pretty much anybody else in my position might not have. Okay. I was a little sexually precocious. So I would not advocate the interracial five sim with two drag queens for just anybody. So you were asking for it?

Begging at various points. Were they older? Yeah, how did that go? How did that start? Because you're 13. I feel like you shouldn't be having sex with 13-year-olds. Yeah, good rule of thumb. Yes.

Thanks, Taylor. No, I mean, they were a little older, yes. But I Good rule of thumb. Yes. Thanks Taylor. Um, no, I mean, no, they were, they were a little older. Yes.

But I was, I was very sexually, but they weren't 28. Well, not quite. Um, so they were grown up. Older.

I mean, I didn't, I couldn't tell you to be honest. But they were grownups. Yeah. But, um, I think as I was very sexually precocious and,

and definitely the instigator of that situation. There was no kind of like exploitation going on there. Did you walk into a situation? There are plenty of 13-year-olds who would not be able to deal with that and would probably get swept up in it and not really be able to consent to that kind of activity. They just sort of feel pressured into it. I was completely and totally aware of what was going on, was the primary instigator behind it, and was very happy with it.

Do you think that's impacted your current sexuality at all? Anything to do with that event? No, I'm gay because it annoys my mother. I'm not gay because I have a lot of virginity. You're like, I hate it, but my mother hates it even more. No, this is it. I'm sure God hates hate it, but my mother hates it even more. No, this is it. I'm sure God hates fags, but he hates feminists the most. So the more of them I beat down.

That's in the Bible. There's a lot more in the Bible of women being abused and put down than there is of homosexuals being abused. I don't think God actually cares that much about gays. I mean, he's in there a couple of times, but not really. I don't think there's a God, but if there were one, he doesn't care at all. I feel like there might be some people who care about my opinion on this topic, because that's sort of my role.

When you lose your virginity, I would recommend you do it in a safe space, a place where you're not going to be interrupted by somebody else, a place where you don't fear for your safety, a place where you, you know, even if it's like in this case, it's with friends that doesn't completely turn me off, you know, so long as friends care about each other too

it might not be a terrible experience Yeah, go for it Sorry to cut everyone off, but I wanted to get that out there Maybe it turns out that you're all the way gay I think it's good advice and a good nice, avun the way i think it's good advice and a good uh nice avuncular way to finish it but yeah bottom line is four out of four yes yeah that was a good one i i saw that earlier in the week too and in my head it's like yeah dude

go for it fucking do it you know if that's what you're into, you like that, yeah, absolutely. Make it happen. It sounds like a real opportunity. I don't remember being invited to many three-ways when I was in high school. I've never had it. How many 16-year-olds get invited into a threesome, lucky little bastard? None. I've never met a single 16-year-old who would take me up on my offers.

Every threesome I've ever had, I had to be the architect. That's a really dirty smile you have on your face. You really pleased yourself about that one. A little bit. Every threesome I've ever had, I had to be the architect of this thing. I had to be putting things together. There was a lot of forethought. I'm imagining Legos in my head and how things are going to stack together.

Like, yeah, this will work. This is the great thing about men because they tessellate. You can fit an endless line together. You can make a circle out of it. No, exactly. I think that's how you create cold fusion. Yeah, you get the circle. You have to get the rhythm right, though.

You can't be all uncoordinated with your caldron collider. You could have saved money on that big reactor thing in Switzerland. Yeah. No, this is the thing about men. They tessellate. I feel like women do too. Am I missing something? Just keep putting them together forever like Lego.

No, men and women like you eventually run out of orifices and it gets all awkward. They don't tile, you know? Like men tile. Oh, I was going to say. Men and women don't tile. You can't i was gonna say men and women don't tile you can't just sort of fit an endless number together it just gets like very awkward and limsy whereas men just fit together endlessly you're yeah it's a good argument good pro-gay argument more efficient sex interesting mental image as well when you imagine like you've never seen human centipede

no like this centipede? No. Human Centipede is actually a gay orgy that went a bit wrong. With girls, you could go girl, girl, girl, girl. Right? Mouth, booty, mouth, booty, mouth, booty all the way through, right? No, he's talking about a plug-in.

I hear you. It's not sex. No, mouth, booty's not sex. Oh, it totally is. No, no, no, no. No, no, no. We're talking about as nature intended. Oh, my God.

Now we're going as nature intended argument? I don't think you can use that one. Up the bottom. That's as nature intended? No, no, no, no. All sex is sex. Hand jobs are sex. Blow jobs are sex.

Next you'll be telling me lesbians are real. Nope. Lesbians are real nope lesbians are always flexible they come and go in and out of their lesbianism i'm so glad you said that i agree i lost my train of thought i had one uh for milo so i've i did do my due diligence i think before we had you on the show watching a lot of your shit. Really enjoyed a lot of it. I've noticed a lot of the similarities in the rants that you've had on tonight here with your feminism shit down. I've tried to just bring the best of it for you.

I've tried to just give you the distilled excellence. It's really hard to refute a lot of those points because they're so tight-knit and cogent. Because they're the truth. Yes, because they're the truth yes because they're the truth and the only time that i see that you get a little like flustered is when religion is brought up and it's it's a little odd because like i'm so confused and fascinated by your your current you know catholicism your catholic beliefs and how you reconcile that

with being gay and uh and know, you're so rational and straightforward with so many of these, like, you know, the liberals are saying this and that or the progressives are getting out of hand and these are the X, Y, and Z reasons why it's bullshit. But for religion, that same rationality, you seem to misfire a bit. Like, could you go into that more? Well, it's assuming that it's impossible to arrive at religious conclusions with reason. I mean, you're suggesting that there's a bit of my brain that shuts off where religion is concerned,

and I'm no longer capable of understanding reason or following arguments. You're suggesting that I could only be religious if I set aside reason for that time. I don't accept that premise. I think you can arrive at religious conclusions using reason. I think religion can be a product of reason. Obviously, there's a point at which is the leap of faith, but there's nothing illogical about faith. You can make arguments about the existence of God, but you can disagree on the conclusions of those arguments. Every argument has a... I think, more to your point, and what people are always really, really interested in, what they're really getting at when they say that is the gay Catholic thing.

Now, modern progressivism demands a particular sort of boring superficial conformity from people in the way that they construct their identities. You can't be gay and Catholic. You must be self-loathing. You know, we're all very messy and complicated. And I think it's perfectly reasonable to say I don't know the answers to all these questions, but my head moves one way, my heart moves another. I don't know and I may never know. I find it weird that people demand a view of resolution to this apparent contradiction. We are all full of dozens of them to satisfy their own you know their own need to put down one or the other half of that equation and very often the people who are doing it don't

turn that lens on themselves and have their sort of complex gender queer you know non-binary blah blah blah kind of identities but they don't allow you the same complexity. They don't give you the same courtesy. Fact is that lots of people grow up with faith, feeling as though they ought to behave in a certain way and falling short. And that can be the case, you know, whether it's how you treat your family or where you put your penis, right? There are lots of different ways in which to fall short. your penis, right? There are lots of different ways in which to fall short. I think an additional dimension to this is, you know, if you think that homosexuality and Catholicism are incompatible,

you don't know anything about either. Because the Catholic Church has been a haven for gay people since it has existed. You know, gay people who were at risk of... Well, that's simply not true. They've killed gay people. Well, look, gay people who have been at risk of, you know, of either social censure or worse, you know, have joined the clergy for thousands of years, right? The church has harbored gay men when the rest of society would prosecute them or worse. The church would also prosecute those gay men. Even to this day. Well, you know, it prosecutes the sin, not the sinner, right?

And the way to get around that... Sorry? I mean, I feel like prosecute the sin, not the sinner is their way of saying it's okay to hate the way I do. It's doublespeak. No, it's not. It's not doublespeak because you're not condemning the person. You are saying that the acts are not what God probably wants you to do. It's a perfectly reasonable distinction. It's not doublespeak in any respect. I don't want to get into a whole atheist cul-de-sac

because I did that with Drunken Peasants. It never really goes anywhere. But I think that people who sort of demand that I pick between one or the other are not affording me the same degree of indulgent complexity that they demand for themselves. And they're also misunderstanding both homosexuality and Catholicism when they suggest that these two things simply...

Well, it wasn't even so much the gay and Catholic that I was curious about as much as, like, because you are so reasoned and measured in everything you approach, and I was just surprised that you, like, with your seemingly analytical brain, you'd be willing to accept faith and, you know, use faith to believe in something.

Well, you'll find that very often, you know, I mean, the number of mathematicians and physicists and particularly biologists who late in their careers find Christianity is extraordinary. Late in their careers because they're

studying for finals. They want to get into heaven right before No atheists in foxholes or old people's homes. Yeah, right? They're just hedging their bets. Exactly. Just in case.

They're cramming for finals. If I think the guillotine's about to come down, I'm going to say a few Hail Marys myself. I'm going to throw it around to every potential guy just in case. Come on, Buddha. I'll rub that belly. Whatever it takes. You have to mean it.

I'll pray to Xenu. I'll get some of that Scientology help if it'll get me out of a bind. It's very expensive. They charge you hundreds of thousands of dollars. Hundreds of thousands of dollars. And I need my OT level to be at least 15 if I'm going to get into there. That's $600,000. I just can't make that investment.

I'd rather go to the Church of God and put my $10 in the plate every week. I think that's a better way to go. Cheaper. Much cheaper. Not as much literature and not as much blackmail either. Or manual servitude. Every week.

Doesn't sneak up on you. Not very many edits. There's no new chapters, no new editions. Have you ever read the Bible, Taylor? Yeah, I've read it through a couple times. I read it through once. I reckon I understood a great deal of it. Sling blade.

I couldn't resist. Fucking sling blade. I went to church growing up all the time, and, like, the New Testament's what they focused on so much, and it was so much easier to palette all the New Testament stuff. And then when I started reading it, like, getting into, like, Leviticus and, like, that old Bronze Age stuff, it's like, at certain points, it's like, is this even the same story? Like, when does all this get to, you know, the Jesus part? It's so out of whack. I whip out Leviticus 19.19 around my parents all the time. And I don't have the exact thing right, but that's the one where you can't mix clothing. It's the one where you can't sew different things

in your fields. It's the one, like, there's a whole bunch of mixing sins. So whenever they're like, you know, aren't you going to have your peas? I'm like, no, Leviticus 19.19. I can't put these together. I can't eat fried rice. Yeah. I think a lot of the sort of people I was talking about, the scientists, at least there are people like Stephen Jay Gould who has the intellectual honesty to call himself an agnostic. Now he's not somebody that... Oh, I'm certainly an agnostic. You know, now he's... you know, he's not somebody that...

Oh, I'm certainly an agnostic. I'm certainly not an atheist. I find atheists to be some of the worst human beings. I'd rather be a feminist than an atheist. It's a very pompous culture. Because if you think you're so fucking smart that you got the whole goddamn... all of existence and the universe figured out, you're a douchebag. Like, for all I know, there is a god he and he's a guy with a gray beard and the whole thing's the truth i don't know i just think atheism atheism is a is a is a symptom of uh of

autism it's uh it's effectively it's effectively it's effectively just a brain disease i mean it's a symptom of a brain disease. The coincidence of autism and atheism. This is such horseshit. Carry on. No, no, no. The coincidence of autism and atheism is like they go in lockstep. People who can't understand the world around them, who can't relate to other people, incapable of love, well of course they end up atheists. They don't have any purchase or access into the greatest, highest, most ineffable.

Let me explain my atheism. Huh?able. Let me explain my atheism. Huh? I said, let me explain my atheism. Matt, can I just... Do you consider yourself an atheist? You believe there's absolutely nothing? For sure. I'm just trying to clarify.

Yeah, and sometimes people will tell me, like, no. Based on what I know of you, I'm defining you as an agnostic. But the thing is, I used to identify that way. And I felt like it was a certain dishonesty with myself. I wasn't, I felt like I was, you know, perhaps if you asked me, I'd say agnostic because it was more socially acceptable. They're like, oh yeah, well, he's still kind of on our team, you know, regardless of what side that they're playing on. And in the end, I was like, no, I guess I got to say atheist because I'm applying the same standard of proof to God that I apply to everything else in my world.

You know, if my transmission's not working, I don't suspect gremlins or gods or wizards are causing this problem. I look for actual causes that can be seen and felt and touched. actual causes that can be seen and felt and touched. When I look at my universe, it just seems like magical men with long white beards and robes never enter into the reasonable explanations. I disagree on that one. You're trying to interrogate a metaphysical world with tools that are not designed to accomplish that task. You can't speak about faith and god and the world beyond you know our empirical understanding with the tools that you

use to navigate the world you do see around you you're using completely the wrong instruments to do it um those the only tools we have by which to discover the world around us ideas no because if that were true there would be no organized religion, because obviously lots of people do have other't interrogate them with, you know, empiricism. You can't interrogate them with any of the normal standards and methods of reason that you would. That's very convenient. Yeah, it is convenient. And faith should be earned, right? Like if someone tells me that when he's not on the show, Taylor's murdering children, I say no.

Based on all the things I know about Taylor, that's probably not true. And, you know, when it comes to God, it's like, oh, yeah, yeah, I offer you nothing in terms of earned faith. You just have to give it to me. And really, if there is any offering, it's social acceptance. No, I don't think that's true. And there are plenty of inferential arguments, you know, for the sorts of the kind of argument you were leaning towards. There are plenty of inferential arguments of the existence of God, too. Look, I mean, ultimately, you can't, like I say, you can't, you can't apply, you know, your... You can't apply any burden of proof for what is a really fantastic theory. You know, this whole God experiment.

But it isn't, it isn't a theory, and it makes no claim to theories in the sense of, you know, being a – it's not falsifiable in the sense – It's completely a theory. It's not falsifiable only in the sense that it is so very difficult to prove a negative, right? It is so very difficult to prove the lack of something happening for which there is no proof for or against. But if you apply that level of, you know, that burden of proof to it, it falls short so often. It doesn't fall short. It's simply not. It's like trying to listen to a painting. You're just using the wrong thing for the wrong thing. You know, you talk about sort of like, you know,

scientific falsifiables. You're just using the wrong language to talk about it falsifiability. You're just using the wrong language to talk about it, and you are never going to make sense of it that way. I think you could. So I find that technology isn't discernible from magic if you're from a less civilized culture. When we first came over to North America, they see guns and horses, and they think we're centaurs riding around shooting fire out of our hands. If there's a god, if there's outside,

this is my personal belief, this is why I think of myself as agnostic, I think it's much more likely that an asteroid hit our planet with some life on it. Or that aliens came and planted some seeds of life on this planet. Those things to me, in my opinion, I think that those things are much more

plausible to me than the idea of the classical God who made us in his own image, the gray-haired, sandal-wearing, all-knowing, all-seeing, omniscient, omnipotent. I just find the idea of an omniscient, omnipotent being. Who needs your money?

No, that an omniscient, omnipotent being is behind this world and this existence because it's so flawed in so many ways. And I just can't see him making such a broken toy. But it's designed that way. You know that. You're smart enough to know that. That's an easy answer. Oh, I love that. You're making such a broken toy. But it's designed that way. You know that. You're smart enough to know that. That's an easy answer. Oh, I love that.

You're smart enough to know that horse shit. Oh, yes. You can accept my compliment. If you're smart, then you'll agree with me. Oh, fuck you. My head all turned on me now we're on this subject. Oh, come on. It's so transparent.

You're way better than this, Milo. No, I'm not. Milo, you're better than this if you agree with me my implication was that he was being deliberately obtuse because he must of course know about the problem of evil and he must know about you know uh the imperfection in world and the you know the fact that it's here for people to see if the world was put in evil without being as broken as if the world were, nobody could make good moral choices because there wouldn't be any difficult things to do.

Yeah, but couldn't be like... When I said you're smarter than that or whatever I was doing, I wasn't engaging in some crass sophistry. I was instead accusing you of being slightly disingenuous because I was relatively sure that you did know that. I do. I do understand that. And that makes a lot of sense, right?

You can't enjoy the good stuff if there's no bad stuff. You can't make good moral choices unless there's evil in the world. But I'm more talking... How do you enjoy a nice, warm slice of apple pie if you don't know a bunch of kids

didn't get raped the night before in Rwanda? Like, you need that. I mean... Balance it out. You see, now you're slacking into like these... We're doing rape Congo lines in Germany.

Now we're getting into these crass atheist talking points. This is going to go nowhere. I'm certainly not an atheist. I think the idea of saying I would never say no, absolutely not. There is no God because I can't see him. I can't taste him, if you're into that.

I can't touch him, any of those things. So he cannot exist. I'd never do that because there's a lot of things that I can't see, touch, taste. But they do exist. I've never seen a fucking electron. I don't know what an electron would look like because it's a subatomic fucking particle. But I know they exist. They're real.

They're a big part of what makes matter be matter. So the idea that there's a God is no different in my opinion than the fact that there are electrons. It could be and we just haven't figured it out yet. Maybe if our technology advances for another thousand years we'll be able to look at it and think, oh yeah.

Here's God right here guys. This is it. This is what makes matter be matter. Yeah, this is God. Maybe we'll figure that out eventually. I don't think we'll ever know enough to be able to look at them. Oh, yeah. Here's God right here, guys. This is it. This is what makes matter be matter. Yeah, this is God. Maybe we'll figure that out eventually. I don't think we'll ever know enough to be able to figure that out. Well, that's what they're trying to do with the Large Hadron Collider, you know. They're trying to find that guard particle that makes matter matter. But

in any case... There's a Star Trek Voyager episode about this. It's real science. Yeah, you know when that's like the perfect molecule and Seven of Nine gets to see it for a second before it... Yeah, yeah, I remember that. Yeah, I've seen every episode. Twice. I had a big crush on Seven of Nine.

Those tits. Apparently she's really kinky too. She had this politician like boyfriend or whatever. They were into like some swinger clubs and stuff. Yes, I read this. Yeah. Jerry Ryan. Apparently she's a total fucking animal yeah she's so goddamn hot jerry ryan big time and i would want her with the borg shit still on like i don't want to say jerry ryan is jerry ryan i don't even want some down there like just maybe

like on the leg or something i imagine her being framed with like jeweled metal or something like that like i imagine yeah exactly like Yeah, exactly. Vajazzled. Shave so you don't get anything caught, but otherwise it would be perfect. That's what the dollar shave clip's all about. Sponsored by him. That was great. You have a career in this ahead of you. That was very nicely done.

Thank you. A brief moment of silence awkward silences Kyle what do you have an irrational hatred for an irrational hatred for yeah I'm struggling with this too blacks oh stop that Yeah, I'm struggling with this too.

Blacks. Oh, stop that. An irrational hatred. I guess I would have to say, there's certain insects, bugs, that if I see, they're just getting a stomping. Like, they don't have a place in my world. A scorpion, he's getting scorpions and spiders and stuff like that.

An irrational hatred for them. See what I just said made no sense. That's not an irrational hatred. That's a very rational hatred. It's ingrained in our genetics to fear and hate those things because our ancestors needed to know to stomp that thing out so it wouldn't kill their kids. Like me and Muslims. Yeah, yeah, that's a good example.

Well that's not an irrational hatred either. No, no, no, that's what I'm saying. It's also rational. Yeah, it's a very rational hatred to hate the Muslims because they're the ones who want to destroy us. I saw this pompous TV show where they were interviewing these surprisingly intelligent people, like this bartender in Mensa and such. And he said that if the IQ spread between you and the guy you're talking to is more than 30 points, you have a difficulty even communicating. Yes, yes. That's a very well established standard deviation.

If somebody is more than a standard deviation in IQ away from you, you kind of talk past each other. So every so often I'll try to get help from like a Home Depot employee to help me choose a roofing nailer. Are you calling yourself clever? Are you saying you're too clever to deal with them? I don't deal with it well. Why is it so bad to admit that?

That you find yourself to be of at least some... It's not. I consider it a statement of fact. But I just knew that it would make you squirm slightly. No, it doesn't make me squirm. You're a dick. I often have a hard time communicating with people. No, I think I'm the one who's... Maybe I'm the one who's... Because I'm that far up.

I always just assumed I was a standard deviation below everyone, and that's what the issue was. No, there are certain people that, sure, I feel like every word that comes out of your mouth is just useless. You're just full of cliches and loaded up responses. You have no thought in your own head. Yeah, it takes one to know one. Yeah, you're just filling air time like some shitty radio DJ.

The guy that works for me, I keep talking about an hour of pop talks. Let's leave the dogs live. No, go ahead, Kyle. Tell us about Josh again. I love this. So this Josh guy. Now, let me preface this by saying, very good guy. Like at the core... He's the employee guy. Yes, it is.

He does manual labor for me. And he's genuinely a kind, nice guy. Honest guy. All that stuff. But he's gotta be at least one standard deviation below myself, which puts – I figure at least I got 100 IQ, right? I took an IQ test one time. I did fairly well, although I was a child.

And apparently child IQ is – Facebook or a real one? A real one. I took a real one as a child. But apparently child IQ and adult IQ is different, and the test you take as a child is irrelevant. Yeah, it's convenient. Because it changes off your puberty, yeah.

The Weschler intelligence scale for children. But this guy, let's just say I'm 100 so we don't offend anyone. This guy's got to be 70, right? Because I can't fucking, he's so dim. He's so dim that he doesn't have an original thought in his head. And it's nothing but cliches and preloaded responses and his number one response to anything i say whether it's interesting or not is oh lord like it's just exasperation at whatever i say that's that's his response to and sometimes sometimes what i say isn't even that interesting like like maybe i said yeah there were 5 000

people that died yesterday that'd be a good time for him to go oh lord but I'll say something like yeah I got some new sneakers broke a shoelace oh lord that's all he's got he's just got no conversation like one of those people where they're talking to buy themselves time to process what you're saying but there's nothing really coming out

I've spent all day with this guy 4 days in a row now 3 I guess 3 or 4 days in a row and I haven't had an intelligent thought come out of this guy yet. He couldn't multiply 48 by 2.5 today when we needed to figure out how much I owed the gentleman for some stuff I bought. I bought 50 bales of hay, and they're $2.50 a piece, and we were too short, so it's 48 times 2.5, and I'm just like, it's $120, man. Oh, Lord, let me figure this out. Really? And we were too short. So it's 48 times 2.5. And I'm just like, it's $120, man. It's $120. Whoa. Oh, Lord, let me figure this out.

Really? It's my abacus. Oh, shit. These beads always confusing me. I sometimes have trouble. In my job, I come into contact with ridiculously smart people quite often. So when I talk about particularly women in tech stuff, then sometimes I'll get like PhD students write to me

or I'll get very famous computer programmers or very famous whatever, you know, write to me privately and they'll say, I can't say anything in public, but I love you. Yes, yes, I know. And then we'll get into a conversation. I feel like the stupid one in these conversations, I know. And then we'll get into a conversation. I feel like the stupid one in these conversations. I feel like, because they're analyzing and interpreting the world at a level of such kind of rapid and dense abstraction. There are so many ideas in every sentence in that email

that I kind of have to just, wait a minute, let me unpack that. And then I just, by the time I've got one paragraph into the email, I'm kind of like, do you know what? I'm actually not really equipped to communicate with you. It's wonderful speaking to someone who's more intelligent than you are. But it's only good if they're a bit more intelligent,

not if they're, like, standard deviation intelligent, because otherwise you just, it's just too much work to try to meet in the middle. Every time I find myself in that situation, when I'm with someone who's just much, much more knowledgeable on me, if not on all topics, at least on one topic or another. I was hanging out with a chemist recently, and he just knew so much about chemistry. It was just fascinating to hear him talk about this stuff and to talk about, oh, yeah, you do this and it's chlorate.

You do this and it's chloride, and now you're dead. You do this and it's this and you do that and it's that and you're dead again. And he's just like going through all this chemistry stuff, dealing with explosives and flammable stuff and how to make gunpowder in the lab and all this stuff. And I was fascinated. I made a friend instantly. And one day I was like,

man, you are going to be tight from now on. I want your number. I love speaking to people who are, let's just drop the more intelligent thing and say much more knowledgeable about anything. I like hearing people talk who are... Let's just drop the more intelligent thing and say much more knowledgeable about anything. I like hearing people talk who are experts in a field and trying to learn from them. I think that's a better way to put it.

I like doers. I fucking love doers. You can be smart, and that's pretty cool. I talk about smart. But the guys from HK, right? Help me with their names. HK Army. mr. H They call him big mustachioed mother fucker

Stash you a guy if you were to meet him you might think that he hadn't made much of himself, but he did They exist do you want to explain it probably do well, so they're in the paintball industry and they started out small with building kind of a following. It was kind of – and they got into merchandising and they film a lot of events and now HK is a paintball brand. It started out with stickers and little sweatbands and shit like that and now it's a whole thing where they've got multiple products and they're making tons of money. You can buy like the guns and the shields and they have their own parts.

Guns, shields, lots of clothing, hoppers they're getting into. It started with things that required very little engineering. And it's expanded into things that might be more complicated to make, like the feeding mechanism for paintballs and stuff. Okay. And we don't have that around here. Okay. Anyway, these guys are like doers. You know, they'll fly out to Vietnam and talk to clothing manufacturers.

are like doers you know they'll fly out to vietnam and talk to clothing manufacturers and you know they like this fabric needs to be durable in a way that you might not encounter every day so they who makes military clothing and they just make it happen and that kind of guy really really blows me away like that is neat to me yeah i'm always impressed by your little hustle i'm always impressed i live um i live and work in a world of talking and thinking and writing and i'm always impressed by people who are like actually building something i i've talked about this before but i really have a hard time putting a finger on how smart i am there's uh there's some evidence that i'm above average right like i i have um it's a douchebag, forgive me for this.

I have three degrees. I have two business undergrads and a master's in engineering. Multimillionaire, if that means anything. I don't know. Dancing champion. Like there are some things that would indicate that I'm kind of cool. That's the natural third. Dancing champion in that YouTube contest. I prefer award-winning dancer.

Yeah, award-winning dancer. Because then it sounds like you want a tony or something award-winning dancer and then there's other stuff like i i will just not remember why i banned someone on my minecraft server yesterday and like my staff they all remember they all know and i'll be like hey this guy you know like i'll list off an ign like what do i know him for and they'll be like yeah yeah he's the guy you had this experience with uh actors names i am dreadful dreadful arguably the worst person i've ever met it's i'm not convinced that it's not a bit i'm honestly not i'm convinced that you pretend to not know people's names for a bit i'm arguably retarded with regards to people's names um there i mean i i could point to say like hey i'm probably a standard deviation above average and i could make a compelling case for

the opposite there's this but there's a thing isn't there um lots of smart people that like you know have those various different you know there's face blindness and there's name blindness and that's actually a thing and lots of very smart people have the name blindness. So you'll often find directions. If you gave me driving directions that involve more than two or three turns, I'd probably stop paying attention. I think it's a smart person thing because I mean

I know an astro, no not astro, no theoretical physicist who's doing a PhD I have to remind him who i am every time we meet and he's known me for six years he cannot find his way anywhere he like struggles to wash himself um like or just to remember like to bother to do it um totally useless can't remember anything but he is on the autism spectrum absolutely brilliant yeah yeah maybe that's

just maybe you just have like a slightly less severe version of that yeah it could be i don't know which would be an indicator i just know that next episode of this podcast he's going to refer back to how good the episode with marco yellow cloud was no one's gonna know what the fuck we're talking about i have no idea completely forget it yeah your last name for example I would look at it get maybe three letters in and then freestyle the rest you know just like

I've been doing the same thing for 30 years okay like a French baked good or something yeah Napololi right you know when you're on the phone to the water company, like, can you spell your surname?

Nope. I have to get a credit card out, you know, and read it out. Not quite that bad, but almost. Just a lot of vowels. Just put it together. Yeah, no, that, that, that. And then if I'm drunk, I put like two P's where there's only one P and two L's where there's only one L and I miss a U.

I spell it wrong all the time. I'm logging into stuff online. I'm locking myself out of accounts. I'm not going to give you shit anymore, Woody. This guy can't spell his fucking name. Yeah, it's not easy, but it is yours. Do you know – His name.

There were always stories in the – all these stories in the British press, and I don't know if this was ever true. But, you know, like British – the Brits love kind of like, oh, Americans are stupid, new stories. And there was this rash of stories in the British press about how you got points on an American exam paper for writing your own name correctly. And I was sitting there thinking, ain't that easy. That's the SAT, and that's not fair they those names oh like very difficult and some of the certain i mean some of the surnames are just you know how the fuck do you spell that the on the sat it's an american standardized test you probably know of it uh if you get questions wrong they they take away points so to get you to i guess never having a

negative score they start you at 200. And then in theory, if you got every question wrong, you'd get a zero. So that's what happened. Some idiot British journalist just made this shit up. It's what it sounds like to me. Because he didn't understand how the SATs work. And he's like, oh, you get 200 points just for showing up. That happens a lot.

Do you remember the old story they always tell about how NASA spent a couple million dollars building the pen that would work in zero gravity, meanwhile the Russians used a pencil? Yes. So I guess I got some clarification on that from Reddit the other day, and apparently the reason that NASA didn't use a pencil was because the graphite shavings in zero gravity float around, get in the systems, and it's a pure oxygen environment, and start fucking O2 fires in space. Wow. And the guy who developed the pen spent a million of his own money, not federal money, to create this pen, and then the Russians switched to a similar pen very soon after.

That is so interesting. I always knew that little stories like that are horseshit, but I never put in the three seconds of Googling to figure out how. I knew that little stories like that are horseshit, but I never put in the three seconds of Googling to figure out how. My dad and I were discussing today how Google is just the entire wealth of human knowledge just compiled right there. We were working on a car, and he was like, you know, there's mechanics out there with 50 years of experience, and I've got it right here. I'm now their equal because, you know, they at some point figured out why the heat isn't

working on this 2002 Nissan Altima. And they know it and they wrote it down. And now I know it instantly. And that is pretty cool. In the post-Car Talk era, it's a good alternative. I love that show. I love things like Google, that accumulation of it. I started coding again for my Minecraft server.

And I'll take some code that I probably am not capable of writing myself and make it better. And it's like this thing becomes a collection of everybody's best moments, right? You know, like I have some flash of brilliance that I get to add to this code base. And whoever sees it might think, oh, damn, I wouldn't have thought of that. And it's like, yeah, well, I wouldn't have thought of that. And it's like, yeah, well, I wouldn't have thought of the other 99.5% of this thing. And like the Windows operating system, there is no one person capable of recreating that.

That is the accumulation of brilliance from the 80s. And it just gets, you know, I don't know if it always gets better, but it gets more. Linux, all these things that are great pieces of software, it doesn't exist in some other things, right? Like, you know, if you paint something and then I'm like, oh, here,

I'll add my own little addition to it. Oftentimes those are not positives, but in software, they typically are. They typically become these creations of things that no one guy is smart enough to do on his own. And I think it's neat. It's great, actually. And it's one of the few remaining pure meritocracies,

you know, sort of open source software, where, you know, because it's kind of like a hacker mantra. What's a meritocracy for people who don't know it? Oh, where you're judged strictly on ability, performance, achievement, and the goods, basically. So you strike out identity. Nobody cares what you look like, where you come from. You're judged solely on the quality of your code, whether it works.

Does it compile and does it do the job that it's supposed to do? And does it work with all the other code? I wrote a story, actually, I published it this morning about the open source software community about we don't want to get back into social justice worries and all that kind of stuff because we've moved on from that but they're trying to like one of their most unsuccessful incursions aside from the gaming stuff is when

they tried to move in on open source software which is this world where like nobody cares who you are they don't care what you do outside you could be a nice sweet granny you know from Wisconsin or you could be like some racist. You could be Weave. As long as your code works, they'll take it. You get judged solely on the product of your work, not your beliefs, not what you do outside, you do elsewhere, who you are, what you are, what you believe in, skin color, nothing.

And you have this kind of like totally pure environment where you get to contribute to the sum total of what has come before you. And you're judged solely on what you can bring. And it's very much the way that things ought to work. Yeah, it's pretty cool. And I swear, whenever I say, well, that filter applies to some other things, if in particular white men succeed there, they say no. There's some other bias that makes it happen. You know, if I say, you know what? I feel like the American Olympic sprinting team doesn't have enough white people on it, they say it's merit based.

You never hear people complaining there aren't enough heterosexual men on fragrance counters, do you? There are plenty of things we don't complain about when it's not, you know. Sports are such a wonderful example, right? There aren't enough white guys in the NBA. That sounds like a Milo satire column. I should really write that. There's the exact correct amount of white guys in the NBA.

Except nobody would believe that I wanted fewer black people in anything. You know, but when I apply that same thing to like CEO level positions, like why aren't there more women? Why aren't there more, I don't know, black guys or whatever there aren't enough of? It's like, I feel like in a lot of times, they're choosing their CEO not based on some sort of politics, but based on what they think they'll do for the stock price.

And the way that they try and inject people in almost against their will, like put a bunch of white guys in the NBA or pressure, as if they do that. Put a bunch of black guys in the NHL they don't want to go. Put a woman CEO. It's like the soft bigotry of low expectations from progressives where it's like, oh, you know, we know we're all equal here,

but when we're being honest, you need a lot of extra help. Like, let me pat you on the head, a little condescending. We know you could never actually make it without our help. You're equal, though. Two thumbs up. Just always be concerned that you didn't make it here based on merit and that you're a pity case. It's condescending. Yeah, it is. And tokenism also

hurts the minorities it's supposed to help the most, because when those token hires inevitably fail, Marissa Mayer at Yahoo being a possible example, that all seems to be imploding now. And then that's ammunition for actual sexists and racists. Exactly.

Not only is it discouraging to women who see all of their role models falling like dominoes, failing. It's like, well, I want to be a female CEO, except wait, who are my female role models? The fraud at Theranos or the failure at Yahoo or whatever. And many of these things happen because nobody dared to say, hang on a minute, Elizabeth. These machines don't do that. What about Carly Fiorina?

She's got a great track record, right? Not so much. And many of these disasters happen because nobody is brave enough to say I think the woman got it wrong and in many cases that's why they have the job in the first place I think Meg Whitman seems to be an exception to this rule

she seems to be pretty fucking smart and pretty much there on merit does she still run eBay? I don't even know I think she does no wait, does she run run ebay i don't even know i think she does it wasn't no wait isn't just you and ibm no that's that's the other one i think gina this is an italian sounding name that runs ibm gina rumetti something like that uh that one i'm not sure i love i love the idea of her giving the annual AGM keynote.

It's like, okay, I will hear you speak about the AGM. She stopped running eBay in 2007. I didn't realize it happened so long ago. What is she doing now? She's running something. I should know this. She was named most underachieving CEO along with Apple's Tim Cook. Ah, well, there you go.

There's another one. She's on the HP board of directors and she was named CEO in 2011. HP, that's the one. Yeah, I didn't realize she was running. HP is not doing too hot, are they? You know, sometimes it's difficult to judge everyone in a vacuum like you've brought up the who's the yahoo melissa something marissa marissa mayor marissa mayor i'll know that for 10 seconds um you know it's a really tough job to turn around yahoo like how do you like it's a it's a like a popularity contest

no but i mean she's particularly bad. I mean, she was such an inappropriate choice. Her CV could only have come from a Yahoo search. I mean, you know, it's like, oh, so we got a token female CEO in, and what does she do? She goes on like a huge spending spree. Oh, surprise. She made great investments. Is it Alibaba?

Is that what the the chinese amazon is oh that's a gargantuan company right if you look at the net worth of yahoo the yahoo portion of it is is kind of stable and but the the total has gone up huge because she quite cleverly invested in the m the chinese amazon which i think is called alibaba that rings a bell with me i'm no expert on it, certainly. But aren't they one of the biggest, if not the biggest company in the world or something, that Chinese company you're talking about? They're enormous, right?

It's up there. And Yahoo's stake in that is what's keeping Yahoo afloat. The problem is that the core business is fucked. So there comes a point at which Yahoo solely exists to be a shareholder of another company in whose operations it has no say and really has nothing to do. So the actual purposeful, meaningful operations of Yahoo like collapse, shrink, ossify and fuck up to the point where Yahoo only exists to own some shares in something else. It's my understanding she stopped the downward spiral,

leveled it out, and then the Alibaba investment turned out to be fantastic. I hope I'm pronouncing that right. And has she turned... It's actually Alibaba. Is it? And I don't know. I just don't see her as so horrible.

But what was I going to say? It seems like the expectation of Yahoo, Yahoo at the time, at one one time was bigger than google they were the predominant place where you'd go to find other websites and they also had kind of a media arm of their own now i was an ash jeeves kind of guy yeah me too me too aj.com i was an alta vista guy. Oh, that predates me. AltaVista was the best for a long time. It's just that they're... I don't think we were alive then. You were.

At the time, Ask Jeeves was reasonable, or Yahoo was reasonable. We didn't get no internet down here until 2004. The AltaVista... Didn't get electricity until 98. The amazing part of Google is their natural language recognition. You can be like, what's that song that goes da da da da da da da da da and it'll find it. And Alta Vista on the other hand was all kinds of like plus plus minus minus to narrow and

increase your search. But I'm getting off topic. I actually only use Wolf from Alpha. Wolf from Alpha. Oh my God. Can you try to be more pompous? I bet you can't no i can't you've reached the cap anyway i think i'm taking a not that thing's still going that

wolf from alpha i remember like three years ago i saw something on reddit about it that made me believe that it was going to be the next big boom in information spreading. It still exists and you can do calculations with it, but I only ever use it for unit conversions. Even Google does that, frankly. I literally thought its purpose was to cheat on your homework. Well, that's what it's for. You can type- Yeah, because it doesn't just give you the answers, it gives you the working. It gives you the working and it accepts things that that you might find i would find more

difficult to input into other formats right like if you have some ridiculous algebra equation with divisions and pies those big like backward s things yeah deltas and then like i don't even know yeah i don't even know how to put that in my calculator, especially now that I'm all rusty. But Wolfgram Alpha is just designed to solve your homework problems for you. Right. Okay. In my head. I mean, the only thing I ever really need the internet for is like thesaurus.com.

Would you mind saying the word calculator again? Calculator? Do I say it funny? She's saying calculator. It's fine. What is he saying? Calculator again. Calculator? Do I say it funny? How's it? She's saying calculator. It's fine. What does he say? I'm saying calculator in a way that Kyle doesn't like.

Oh, calculator. Oh, I love it. I love it. But the first time you said it, you said calculator. Calculator. That's what you always say. I don't think that's what I always say if you're not prompted and that's what you say because you were watching yourself the second time you didn't yeah i i didn't hear it the first time

i'm sorry i i mean i trip over a word now and then i think i might have just done it there i i i don't i say something's wrong i say lots of things wrong but i don't think calculator oh my Oh my god. Yes, there we go. Oh my god. I was just about to say, I don't think calculator is one of them, and I said it wrong. Wow. You do the nuclear thing, the George Bush mistake on that word.

Nuclear. I think it's nuclear. It's nuclear. No, that's not it either. It is. For Americans, it is. It's in the right direction. It's not nuclear. It's nuclear. Yeah, sure, that's not it either. It is. For Americans, it is. It's in the right direction. It's not nuclear. It's nuclear. Yeah, sure, that works too.

It's not nuclear. It's nuclear. It's three syllables. That changes from our dialect to yours, though. You say nuclear, but we could say nuclear. Will you stop that?

I have... Kyle, you're say nuclear but we would say no nuclear will you stop that i've i've kyle you're so sexually appealing except for that basically racism can you do an american accent it's a hate crime because you're gay yes it is yes it is under normal circumstances now if i were doing a flamboyant accent that would be that would be uh okay what would a flamboyant accent, that would be a hate crime. Okay, what would a flamboyant accent sound like? Well, it would be really silly and a little bit of California guy mixed in there. And I'd be telling you how I like your hair.

This tips are frosted. And that really does it for me. I like it a lot. If I were an American, I would probably talk like that. Could you do an American accent? Yeah. I don't know if I can do it on demand, but I do a world-class valley girl because I get the vocal fry just right. That's the thing everyone gets wrong.

British and Australian actors are particularly good, it seems, at doing American accents. You see them make that transition so easily. Guys like Mel Gibson. It's because we grow up watching your shows from age two. It makes sense. A lot more influence of us over there. Yeah, if you guys could just be a little

more entertaining, I could get the nuances of a suffix accent. Stop it. I watch a lot of Doctor Who but I just can't get it. I don't think there's very much good British TV. There's like three incredible shows and then just the rest of it's all shit.

The only shit that I see previews for when I'm on Hulu is this ridiculous show. It's like a reality. It's like, the only way is Essex. And it's a bunch of whores bumbling about wherever Essex is. Never watch it.

It's kind of like Jersey Shore. It's kind of like Jersey Shore, but Jersey Shore is like high quality programming compared to this. Is Essex kind of known as a shit area? I find low class British people to be very entertaining. Much more so than low class Americans.

Well, you're in Georgia. That's an everyday thing. Yeah, I'm used to rednecks, but when I meet like when I see people who are basically pikeys, I love that. I love to see low-class British people in their own element. I would love to watch a reality show about that.

I don't know why there aren't any. There are some. I'm going to send you some recommendations. I'm going to send you some recommendations. I'm going to have to put that awful shit right up on the airwaves. Things like honey boo boo. I will take you to, yeah, so I will, if you ever come to England, I will take you on safari to a place called Butlins.

And Butlins is where the people that you like can go on the weekends. Oh, I thought safari would be going to get a little dick or something. Oh, no. Africans. I get that at home. No, we got it. Oh, I did it. Oh, my god. It took me so much. It wasn't until he said Africans that I was like all right There's black dick there go on Don't stop you look just like my portal I had on my last safari

Don't start. You look just like my porter I had on my last safari. No, now you're getting close to Australian. Yeah, it's just going to keep working, and I'm just trying to make it as annoying as possible. Just keep bouncing around from Cockney to a little... Well, Milo, can you do a good southern accent? No, no. You'd have to talk me through it.

It's really twangy, and we don't pronounce the I-N-G part of words. That'll get you most of the way there. So many different southern accents. Give me a sentence to like, give me a sentence to. Give me like a little phrase or a little sentence to try to imitate. Man, there's a lot of G's in this restaurant. Yeah, no, I can't do that.

You can't open, you just leave your mouth closed a little bit. You ain't got to open it too much at all. It all comes from back there. And there's no space between words. Every word starts as soon as the previous one's done. It's very sexy. To do this accent right here, it's got to come from a place deep inside, a place of hate and prejudice.

That's lovely. I want you to say, mission accomplished, just like that. I love that Milo gets turned on by hate and prejudice. You are Republican. Mission accomplished. Turr. Yeah, I loved when George W. would talk about turr. That was my favorite.

Turr. Turr. We got a war on turr. A war on turr. Guy was from Kennebunkport, Maine, educated at Harvard in Boston, and then suddenly he's the most southern guy in politics he's out there playing his banjo or something like he's a good old boy i'm a huge fan of w i find it ridiculous i find i'll say this about him i had a private audience with him last year.

I went to see him at his presidential library. As you do. Yeah, I did. We chatted for like an hour and a half because I was there with a friend of mine who's an MP from England. What kind of vibe did you get from him? I was just totally intoxicated by him. I literally came out with a semi like he's the sexiest man alive i can't i can't really like he's he's quite small in real life but like i can't really explain

like he's just got this incredible magnetism like he said when he smiles you just know the world's gonna be all right um like you know just clinton i i people have described meeting clinton and and the it was g gordon liddy actually the guy who was part of the whole Watergate scandal back in the day. He's one of the guys who broke in. But he's also a radio talk show host, or at least he was back in the day. And he was talking about meeting Clinton and how intoxicating it was and how Clinton, when he shakes your hand, he doesn't just shake your hand. He takes your hand in both hands and pulls you in close and really gets in there and he's just smiling. Plenty of women can attest to that.

Well, with the women, he pulls them in close and he doesn't let them fucking go. Turns them around. Come here, Paula. She knows, bitch. Don't tell anybody about this. Where's my cigar? I couldn't help but find him quite cool.

Monica, can you hold the camera? He was quite cool, wasn't he, Clinton? I think Clinton and George W. both seem like guys that would be fun to hang out with now that they're not president anymore. W. would be so fun to hang out with. I mean, he was, but... Stop it.

Stop it. I hope you're talking to him. Never proven. Oh, wait a minute. I thought he admitted it. He admitted that. I don't even care. I, wait a minute. I thought he admitted it. He admitted that. I don't even care. I don't even care.

I don't care either. I mean, Obama talks about doing blow. I don't care if a president does drugs at all. I mean, as long as he's not like shooting fucking heroin with his hand on the button, I don't care. As long as he doesn't turn into like a meth head in the overlaunch. Hey, if you're going to be the highest guy in the land and you're going to be perhaps making some decisions about drug legislation, then maybe...

It would appeal you to have a few lines. Be good if you tried some drugs before. Don't legislate about coke if you've never done any. I've heard about World War II, like an actual documentary... Although the same argument doesn't hold for murder and rape. Being like, oh, you know, the part of the reason that they won World War II over there with Churchill is because he was so black

out so often making decisions like, just fucking do it! It caught people off guard. The Germans weren't expecting a drunk, fat smoker. Oh, what is that quote from Churchill where the woman called him like a drunk bastard or something and he said, yes.

I may be ugly, but you are drunk and in the morning I'll be sober. Yep. Something like that. I'll be sober. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. Something like that. I love that line. I love that.

Churchill. I'm a big fan of Churchill. I find him to be a very interesting figure. Him and I find in my eyes, I'm not I'm certainly not a historian, but he seems to be cut from the same cloth as a guy like Teddy Roosevelt. Just kind of a take no shit, real man's man, cigar chomping, bourbon drinking, flawed individual, but someone who was incredibly charismatic and an amazing leader and accomplished so many great things. They seem cut from a similar

cloth. I admire both of those guys. I always like that story about Calvin Coolidge because he was always said to be very laconic and it was very difficult to get him to talk to anyone about anything. Kind of just wanted to be left alone and never really said much, but when he said something, it really mattered.

And I don't know if this story is... This story is probably apocryphal, but it's in at least one biography of him. This is some event at the White House. A woman walks up to him and says, Mr. President, I have a bet with my friend. She says that I'll never get you to say like three words to me. And he just turned around to her and goes, you lose.

You lose. Yeah. I love that stuff. I'm really interested in the presidents. I watch the History Channel a ton growing up, and I formed my own opinion about several presidents. I feel like Lincoln was our worst president. He's the guy who let – yeah, absolutely. Let me go right through it.

All right, think about it this way. Lincoln allowed the fucking country to fall apart. let yeah absolutely let me go right through it all right think about it this way lincoln allowed the fucking country to fall apart he couldn't find a resolution to this major states rights issue without killing half a million americans in the process that's a massive failure that's a huge failure think about it like like he got into a states rights issue where he's the saddam hussein of the 1800s right there's a civil war that he put down violently. How many of it? I mean, we talk about Saddam gassing 50,000 Kurds.

It's a late day for Lincoln. 550 something thousand Americans died in that war. You know, it was a horrible thing. I feel like Lincoln's way down there on the list of presidents. I'm a big Washington fan because there was a guy where they said, would you like to be king of America, Mr. General Washington? And he said, no, absolutely fucking not. That's not what we came here for. And they said, well, how about you just serve a third and fourth and fifth term, and we just see how it goes? And he's like, no, we said it was

going to be fucking two terms. I'm out. That's what we just fought and died and bled for. No, I won't be the king of America, and no one else has done that. Every politician since, at least in some regard, has wanted more power, and there you had a guy who was willing to give the power away. He didn't want the throne. He wanted the best

for his people, the best for his country. Although I love FDR. FDR's hardcore. A historian had met with Bill Clinton while he was still in office. And Clinton asked him like, you know, how are you doing? How am I stacking up in terms of all the great presidents?

And he's like, you're doing all right. You're top third, but you know, not top tier. And he's like, that's pretty good. It seems like if you really want to be top tier you need to be a wartime president and i'm quite happy being a peacetime president and uh it impacted my views on presidential rankings you know when you hear about the greatest ones you're typically hearing about world war ii presidents civil war presidents or american revolution presidents i don't mind a peace and prosperity reign i think i've heard

that clinton quote before and it's a pretty fucking cool quote. I'm sure I slaughtered it but that's the intent there you know I got it about right and like so yeah you know when I think about Obama's term right now he's of course very very polarizing but I think that people who view history in the way that I do you

know and that he turned around the great recession if you give him any credit for that, and brought us into an era that has been mostly peace and prosperity. You mean the slowest recovery in history and kick-starting a race war by not standing up to race hustlers? I don't think he was talking about that. I don't think he actually kick-started a race war. That is Obama's real legacy,

man. Like the first president comes in and he leaves America a race-torn country. It depends how you... Certainly if you look at stock market prices, it wasn't the slowest recovery in history. You have to look at hiring. And even now that our jobless rates are at historic lows, they want to ditch the measure that we've been using for 150 years and be like, no, no, no, let's not talk about unemployment rate. Let's use this other fucking metric that

no one's ever used before, the labor participation rate. And it's like, yeah, I wonder if you could apply that shifting metric to everybody else. That's some Sean Hannity math right there. Thanks. So, you know, is Obama perfect? No. Could he have done better with the economy recovering? I'm not even sure. I think Sean Hannity is a really great entertainer. I watch his show. I listen to his show. I find him a very interesting guy and really intelligent. And he makes strong arguments. But sometimes his logic is just flawed. It's convenient. Sometimes I feel like he's just pandering to his audience. And sure, why not? It's made him a multi-multi-millionaire. The one thing I always like to bring up, though, is when he said that waterboarding wasn't torture

and that he would undergo it to prove it. And I have been waterboarded under controlled situations. They didn't black bag me and drag me to Gitmo or anything. But it's torture. It's so unpleasant. It's horrifying. And you hyperventilate, but that doesn't work. You feel like you're drowning.

It's a fear of death kind of thing. It's kind of a primal fear that comes up in you from being unable to get your breath and having water pour down your nose and mouth and everything. And it's awful. It's torture in my opinion. A little piece of me wants to try waterboarding i can hook you right up but i want to have defined success too right like obviously at some point i'm going to tap out no one just endures hours of waterboarding

and says did i win yet i listed 22 seconds yeah if you can make it like five minutes i'd say success oh that's longer than i thought like the other people that I've seen waterboarded don't make it a minute. They don't even make it 30 seconds. I know, but I wouldn't say they succeeded. Some of them don't make it five or seven seconds. I think Hitchens only lasted like half a minute, right? Christopher Hitchens lasted like no time at all. Like as soon as he got under there, they poured it on him,

and he like almost immediately was like seasoned up like fuck this. I wanted to struggle against it. So what we did, we did this for a video that we filmed filmed and this is filmed i i should try to dig up the footage we ended up not using the footage because it was so just quote-unquote disturbing um and and instead we tortured me by having a live chicken placed on my lap and like pecking feet in my crotch we thought that was a funnier torture that would play a little better online than actual fucking waterboarding but they get me in a chair like uh it's it office chair, but it's been fitted with like a rocker, rocking chair bottom, kind of a custom-made thing.

We just made it our shop. But anyway, I get in this thing. They zip tie my arms to the hand rest, and they zip tie my feet together, and they tilt the chair all the way back till my head is de-elevated, I guess. You know, it's at a negative. And one guy pulls a rag over my face really tight that covers up like this much of my face. And the other guy just starts pouring a gallon of water just straight, you know, into my nose-mouth area. And you can't, and I'm just coughing and wheezing and trying to spit it up.

Because in my head, I was thinking maybe you can like blow it all out and then get a breath. But no, no, you do that, you might actually suck some water in and go unconscious. The whole time, it's just a fight to get the water that is in your throat out so that you can get like half a breath. And it's excruciatingly awful. I lasted 22 seconds and then I was just like, all right, I'm tapping out. This is good. What's freaky about it is it doesn't look like it would be horrible at all. When you watch someone

and they're laying in waterboard... The footage doesn't look that bad, does it? It's like, you've got a cloth on your face and someone poured some water. Like, what the fuck? And there's no injury involved, right? Of course, it's psychological terror, but after a good waterboard session, you don't have any limps, you don't need any session, you don't have any limps.

You don't need any stitches. You don't have any broken bones. Yeah. Yeah. It's very efficient. There was a guy. I can't remember the terrorist name, whatever the fuck. The guy they caught out of Iraq.

I just remember the pictures of him all bedraggled and bearded in his whitey tighties. They waterboarded him for like, it was multiple days before he gave up all that information i'm thinking like what a hardcore motherfucker if he could put up with more than an hour of this shit knowing that there must be 20 more hours to follow there's no end like that's no one of the worst parts of it like i you know keep fighting we got plenty of water we did that survival trip knowing that on friday we're going out for steak. That's a much easier thing when you know there's an end coming. The outcome, yeah.

In the same regard, when I did the waterboarding thing, I knew that if I scream loud enough, they're going to let me go. If I move my hand like this, they're going to let me go. They know to let me go, but they've got you and they're really doing it. They're not going to let you go. Yeah, they just keep going

until you break. So it's like, why not break now? I still feel that kind of torture to like the Saw III, you know, shards under your fingernails and prying them out.

You don't need to go to that level. It's not necessary. For most people, I would imagine, I've never tortured anybody and I've only been tortured, you know, I've been in a couple relationships

that were... But, you know, if you unroll that kit of tools like they do in the James Bond movies, there's knives and pliers and hammers and shit, you don't even have to unroll it. Just let me know you've got one of those bags

and I'll spill my fucking guts. I know that I wouldn't respond well to torture under virtually any circumstance. I can't think of what it is that I would not tell you under torture. I don't have any secrets that dark or deep. I would sell out both of you so fucking fast.

I'd be immediately like, hey, you know what? I know two guys who know just as much, nay, more than me. I'll help you torture them. Let's go get them! I'm on your team. You want a gun? Let's go get Woody. Fuck Woody on your team. You want a gun? Let's go get Woody.

Fuck Woody. I'll spill my guts right then and there. I just can't put up with torture. I've told my cousin that before, and he agreed. I was like, man, if they got me and they're cutting on me, wanting to know where you are, I'm giving you up. I'm giving you up right then and there. I'm not going to be able to hold up under torture,

and I just know I couldn't. I read Carlos Hathcock's book uh oh it's a good book yeah really good book and he tells the story sniper yeah and he talks about um they're on one side of the line or the fence or whatever the and and out in the jungle they can hear this vietnamese uh woman uh who's like a sergeant in the vietcong can hear this Vietnamese woman, who's like a sergeant in the Viet Cong or some shit like that, torturing an American. And she gives great detail about the torture. Cuts the guy's eyelids out.

Either pulls his fingernails or shoves bamboo under them. You should... And as the coup de grace cuts his dick and balls off and then turns him loose only to run back toward the American lines where he goes in the barbed wire and is screaming and there's nothing they can do.

Later on he caught that woman pissing in the jungle and shot her in the fucking head though. So there's a bright spot. Happy ending. Yeah. It's a good ending. Hathcock's a badass guy. He had the record for longest sniper kill at one point. What's his name? I don't know this book. Carlos Hathcock's a badass guy. He had the record for longest sniper kill at one point. What was his name?

I don't know this book. Carlos Hathcock. I believe he was a Marine Corps sniper in Vietnam. Okay. Oh. That sounds like a modern book. Yeah, badass guy. Killed a lot of people.

Very talented shot based on the equipment he was using and the shots he was making. Interesting guy. And good read. Good book. Milo. he was using in the shots he was making interesting guy and good read good book milo what is your biggest shit my parents were right moment oh um oh uh yeah so as i've got to 30 and i've recently arrived at, I've realized that all of the things that my parents were telling me my whole life are true. And not just, you know, stuff about being responsible with money, and how much weight I would put on if I didn't work out and eat properly.

But also things like, you know, sort of planning for the future, making good life choices, being self-sufficient. And the pride that comes from being completely independent and having like, throughout a lot of my 20s, I was happy for my boyfriend to, you know, take the reins financially. And it didn't bother me too much to have somebody else kind of picking up the check. And it only really got to 30 when both of my parents advised that at some point I would want for my own self-respect and independence and security to stand on my own two feet. And that I would want to kind of like,

I would want to be the kind of person that I would admire you know and it only really kicked in for me at 30 when I sort of thought you know what actually like I want to look good I want a career I can be proud of like writing for people who don't um have anybody else to speak for them like a career that I'm actually like I feel good about, I feel like I'm doing good in the world, I shouldn't be relying on other people for anything whatsoever. That's gone on far too long.

It's kind of like a gay thing, I think. A lot of gay men slip into a dependent rut. It's interesting, gay relationships, they very often operate along the sort of mythical 1950s perfect household. Traditional gender roles. Exactly. of lots of gay relationships ironically fall into those very stereotypical relations and i did just on the sort of like wifey kind of side of things and i had my job it's only natural yeah maybe and i had my kind of journalism career but it wasn't

like the household didn't depend on me, you know? And in the last, it's been in the last two years where I realized that all the stuff my parents said about like going out and making your way in the world properly and doing it in a way where like, if you lose everybody else, like your life doesn't fall apart because you have some security and some stability and you're proud of the person you are

and you're looking after your body and looking after, all of that kind of shit that my parents were telling me for 20 years only really hit me probably two years ago. And I'm making very good progress on getting all of that sorted. A lot of progress in a very short space of time. But I would say it wasn't about one specific thing, it was more like a time in my life. And it was my 30th birthday and I suddenly realized that they were right about that shit.

Taylor, Woody, have you ever had a woman pick up the check? On a date or any time at all? I've been out with girlfriends where suddenly they'll surprise me and they'll buy it. I've never been out on a date and had them

suddenly be like, you know what? On me.'s never happened well no i've had it at work like you know my boss's boss will pay for me in like an employer employee capacity yeah that's different that's that's that's not that's then you got a difference in you know roles and everything but i'm talking about romantic situation uh i've never had a female. I don't want women to pay for things. I don't either. I like to take that role. I don't think I wouldn't feel comfortable if she did pick up the check because it's like, hey, that's what I'm bringing to the table here. You look pretty and I buy the food. That works, right? If you take me buying the food away, then I got to go do my makeup or something. You're taking away what I'm bringing to the table.

I do those silly dog voices for my girlfriend's dog. And one of the things, I'll be speaking for the dog about myself as if there's no more conceited thing. Because I'm really just talking about myself from my own point of view. But I refer to myself as the provider. So the dog's like, y'all, number one, he's the provider so so so the dog's like y'all number one he's the provider he brings the food for us because i'm always coming home with like a sack full of food and i always make sure your dog korean oh she's not korean but she's got no lips she got jowls i hate it because because i figured i figure all dogs would naturally have a speech

impediment because they don't have lips. They have jowls. So they can't form words as well. They can't enunciate as well. So they sound Asian? A little bit, but it's more of like a baby talk kind of thing. You sound like you're about to swallow your tongue. Yeah, yeah.

Because dogs have their tongue always flat in their mouth, so you don't use your tongue. That's how I imagine the dog talks. So, yeah, the dog calls me. You've thought about this. Of course. You have put some thought into how a dog would talk if a dog talked. My dad's dog has a totally different voice because he's like 14 years old, like a jackrat terrier this big, and he's all shaky, you know, because he's like skin and bones.

So any like a wind blows through the house and he's like i'll tremble he's always trembling and shaky so i imagine that he's like it's so cold out here in the bar you gotta keep me on east side come on swaddle me up in that cold you know so i imagine that's how he sounds. Got it. Good to know. I've got more if you'd like to hear them. I'd love that. Do you do other animals? Do you have a cat voice? How do cats talk? Fuck you!

Fuck you, Phoebe! Cats would be very curt. Peace! And then they just leave. Cats are such cunts if i had my way there'd be no more cats i want an outdoor cat i want a cat that i just barely care for you know maybe a dog house with food in it that i resupply monthly and it just like handles mice and like it like a farm cat yeah yeah basically looks after itself and knows where home is so it's around most of the time but it disappears for two days and no big deal that yeah, I want a raccoon

I've been looking into this if they're illegal in my state, but I'm looking into getting a zoo license I don't think it's that expensive. I want a fucking raccoon. They got people hands god damn it I've read this thing one time and they were talking about what labels the one is what if shows and it's like what if people? You know human beings got wiped off the face of the earth What's the next species to step up right right? The next one to evolve into a planet-controlling species? It's the raccoon. Because they are smart, they've got teamwork, and they've got people hands. So none of the monkeys that are smarter with better people hands would be raccoons.

Think about it. If those monkeys were going to make it, they'd have made it by now. There's a reason they're still fucking monkeys. You might be right, because all of the animals that are traditionally said to be intelligent are actually really dumb. Dolphins, stupid. I don't know what the big deal is about dolphins as supposedly so intelligent. They're just dumb.

They just run around. I just can't do anything. They can't do anything. They've never built anything. When did you start seeing dolphins? Why do these arguments for success, like if monkeys were going to be any good, they'd be good by now,

not apply to raccoons? Because the raccoon's been held back by other species. The raccoon's been oppressed by... Oh my God, Kyle's a raccoon social justice warrior. You are, you are. You believe that raccoons are an oppressed class who have been held back by the evils of cis-heteropatriarchal humanity. I wish raccoons would just buckle up and succeed instead of making excuses.

Pull themselves up by their bootstraps. What you call meritocracy and evolution is actually just the enforcement of a disgusting heteropatriarchal privilege system. actually just the enforcement of a disgusting, you know, hetero-patriarchal privilege system. You would regret getting a raccoon so quickly. That thing would wreak havoc in your home. They are so hyper-intelligent, it's madness. I've seen videos of pet ones and they seem to be on another level. Like, nothing like a dog. They seem like they got so much personality. What can you train them to do? Because there's only really a point getting one if you can make it do amazing tricks. So What can you train them to do? Because there's only really a point getting one if you can make it do amazing tricks. So what can you train them to do?

I have seen them do amazing tricks. I've seen them operate locking mechanisms and stuff like that and, like, break into— Like, they can do, like, multi-combination padlocks and things? Yes, yes. They'll watch you memorize the combination and then repeat it. I have seen crows do such amazing things that I thought it was fantastic. That was next on my list. You want crows as well?

I have seen crows. They'll be like, they'll put floating food in a U-shaped tube, so then they put like rocks in the other side so that the water floats the food to the top of the other U. They were solving puzzles that I was like, okay, I get it now.

It's like level 20 in Portal. Yeah, perfect. Did's like level 20 in Portal. Yeah, perfect. Did you see the little girl who had been feeding the crows for years? Yes. So this little girl's been feeding the crows in her backyard for, say, three years. She started at two, and now she's five. These are something like that.

They had a picture of all the gifts that the crows bring her in return in a tackle box, and it's full of little shiny pieces of glass and marbles and rocks and stones and like hair clips inch tall toys when i saw i was not smart enough to see what's valuable and what's just shiny trash shiny trash is valuable to them so i'm gonna start feeding the crows around here i want some shiny they're not giving her sticks and nuts they're finding shiny trash and saying oh chicks dig shiny trash which they do, they're finding shiny trash and saying, oh, chicks dig shiny trash, which they do. And they're pretty much keeping the food flowing. Yeah. Crows are apparently... You can teach them to talk like you can parrots.

They're supposedly one of the, if not the most intelligent bird. And I think they're one of the most intelligent animals out there. They're beautiful as well. They're sort of attractive, but also a bit dark and sinister. You're one of the black guys, Milo.

You can't get past that. That's what was happening in my head, isn't it? You're not picking out cockatoos, right? These white, flowing, beautiful birds. You're like, you know what? I dig crows. I want a cockatoo. I want a cockatoo.

I feel a little bit bad about this, but my favorite thing to hunt, my favorite thing to go shoot is crows because they're such an elusive. Because they're smart. They're so smart. You use a collar, which sounds like crows fighting with a hawk

or a crow that's wounded. Can you give me an impression of that? Yeah. Which one do you want? The crows fighting the hawk or the wounded crow? Crows fighting a hawk. Do The crows fighting the hawk or the wounded crow? Crows fighting a hawk. Do the crows fighting the hawk first. The high-pitched one is the hawk, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you were to play a tape on YouTube right now of crows fighting a hawk it's pretty close to that dude but the wounded crow is like this one i feel might not be quite as true to life watch this shit i'm gonna play the video right now hang on while you search for it and i've told this before on the show but when i have birds like i'll have like a woodpecker sitting in a dead tree or just like crows sitting on top of my roof line and i don't like it i do the hawk thing just as loud as i can like and and i my my objective is to be a red-tailed hawk and it makes them run my internet's missing all of this my whole life i try to make a habit not screaming at birds outside like some sort of crazed vagabond.

I should have been getting up on my roof, like flapping my arms and going, I can't even do it. Like my throat doesn't even produce those sounds. But we would go hunt them. I've been told that before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get your panties off. You ever see Deliverance? Yes.

Yeah. We've been there. For me, that was a very uncomfortable movie. But for you, it must have been like, Oh! Go on! Favorite scene coming up. It was sort of a mixture of titillation and nostalgia. Like, go on then. Now write Mr. Voight.

I love how much he detests Jim Riddick. I hate it so much. Why? What is going through your head? Why would they write Ned Bitey? It just makes my flesh crawl. It's like teeth chattering kind of thing. I like that. I don't get it.

It's just British dudes. It's very difficult to successfully troll me, and you are managing it. So congratulations. I just try to make it a very grating, annoying version of the accent. It's not exactly. And you're succeeding in that. I pride myself on being the most obnoxious person on the internet, and you are successfully getting to me.

So congratulations. I appreciate that very much. But yeah, crow hunting is very fun because it's a real challenge because they're so smart. Something that will happen is the first crow who comes to respond to your caller is the alpha crow. He's in charge of the whole group. The murder is what they're referring to. The murder, yes. I knew

that. And does he determine whether the others come and join you or not? Like, he'll come check it out, and then he'll signal to the others. Yeah. That's why you have to kill him. Immediately. Like, when he comes, you kill him. And if you miss him, if you miss this guy, he'll turn around, go back, and he'll be like, Cocksuckers! Cocksuckers! There's humans! Gun!

Or whatever crows say. And the others won't come. They just won't come at all. But as long as you kill him, the others will keep coming. You can murder the whole murder. Excellent. Good times. It's a little sad for him, though, especially the time that Dad tortured that crow to make it talk to bring the others in. That was a

sad day. But I was like five, so I didn't care. He had like a cloth over his face, pouring water on it. You know, like, just shaking it, you know, shaking it a little. Fucking talk. But I was like five so I didn't care. Yeah like a cloth over its face pouring water on it Shaking it you know shaking it a little can talk Made a tiny little rocking chair for it But yeah the crows are really intelligent, but I think raccoons would take over I saw it did gif, maybe you guys saw it on Reddit, where they give the raccoon cotton candy, and he

tastes it first, and you can tell he's like, yeah, fuck yeah, cotton candy. And a thing that raccoons do is they wash their food in the water with their little hands before they... So he puts it in the water, and he does this, and it immediately disappears. And the look on the raccoon's face,

he's so, you can just sense raccoon's face he's so you can you could just sense the intelligence because he's like this is tasty let me do my oh shit oh shit instantly just disappears in the water it was this is this is what we call candy floss right yeah it sounds the fluffy spun thing yeah okay yeah i did know that yeah and you think that animal is going to be the next human being that tried to wash a bunch of cotton candy in a stream? I mean, look at this. You think an animal so stupid that it puts cotton candy in a river is going to take over when we're gone?

Yeah, we've got pretty big boots to fill as humans. We were pleading people with leeches like 100 years ago. That raccoon can step up. You give him enough time and take humans out of the equation. If you give a guy in 1704 a bunch of cotton candy, he's not going to go and scrub it hurriedly under the closest street like some sort of invalid retard. He's not going to do that.

Fair enough. I don't think anything would ever get up to us. Nothing's getting up to humans. You suddenly woke up, didn't you? If you take us out of the equation, they might. I think we're holding them back. Again with the oppression. I don't know. Yes, the oppression. I don't feel like I'm holding down raccoons at all. What they get is equation they might. I think we're holding them back. Again with the oppression. I don't know. Yes, the oppression. I don't feel like I'm holding down raccoons at all.

What they get is what they earn. Yeah, but that's the whole thing you see. That's the thing about white oppression. You don't realize you're doing it. I'm not doing it. That's where microaggressions comes from, you see. We're microaggressing against the raccoons. We have an entrenched privilege that we're not even conscious of. That argument is just as much horseshit when applied to raccoons as it is to everything else.

People hunt raccoons? Absolutely, sir. It is just as bullshit today and in this conversation as in every other application. People hunt raccoons? The other one I love the most is the internalized misogyny and the internalized homophobia. This is what the progressive left will say to you. If you're a woman and you don't agree with the excesses of modern feminism, they'll say, ah, you have internalized misogyny, which means the only explanation for you thinking independently

is that you must have internalized some of the misogyny that we're fighting against. So you basically are just as bad as the oppressor. And the same thing, if you're a gay guy and for whatever reason you don't agree with the sort of progressive consensus about anything, it's like, ah yes, this of course is homophobia that you have internalized

and you're now regurgitating and you are part of the problem. It's amazing. It's absolutely amazing. they're such fucking idiots yeah it's just the new wave of uncle tom's like you know right and it's just a new it's a new word for uncle tom exactly yeah and just as patronizing and preposterous what time is it over there like 5 42 it is exactly 5 42 yes should we call it a wrap i think so i think that was an excellent show i've enjoyed it i've really enjoyed our guest yeah so much fun i hope you've i hope you've uh had fun with me with me here because i've certainly yeah meeting you all so thank you very much for having me.

I'd love to have you again someday. Yeah, absolutely. It was very fun. I enjoyed everything from the gender politics to hearing about the black dick. I really had a fun time with you. And I now know what a crow fighting, was it a kestrel?

A hawk. A hawk, sorry. I now know what a crow fighting a hawk sounds like and what a dog would sound like if it talked and what that other like nervous tick dog sounds like in its own head and guns were good and

we talked a bit about coding I had a wonderful time I'm going to campaign Pornhub for a section on high T women oh yeah they're called transsexuals all you really gotta do is switch on Fox News because every Fox News Oh, yeah. They're called transsexuals. All you really got to do is switch on Fox News because every Fox News presenter is a high-T woman. They've all got...

Wow, they're so fucking hot. Yeah. Perfect, perfect hair, beautiful makeup, skinny. MSNBC needs to get Rachel Maddow to show a little skin and maybe their ratings would go up. Or she could just get thrown off a roof. Oh, she's so fucking hot. She's wonderful.

I don't agree with all of her viewpoints, but she's beautiful and she's intelligent. She's not beautiful. What? Her mannerisms. No, she is not beautiful. She's not beautiful. She is objectively beautiful. I find her to be highly, she really turns me on.

Something about that face. The short hair. I feel like you're trolling me. No, I swear to God. We already know that Woody likes trannies. I disagree on the hair thing. I think a longer hairstyle might flatter her more. No, I like short hair. No, I like the short hair on her.

No woman looks better with shorter hair. It has never happened to the species. Even people like Halle Berry. When you look at Halle Berry with a full head of hair, she even looks better than you think she does with the crop top. No woman in history has ever looked better with short hair. Yeah, I agree with you. It's a pretty broad statement, but I agree in general

that women look better with longer hair. I think it would work on Rachel Maddow. But she's one of those ones. Remember when Natalie Portman shaved her hair for V for Vengeance? Still hot. Everyone was like, oh, my God, still beautiful, still beautiful. Right. Almost as beautiful.

Like a boy. Almost as beautiful as when she had hair. You can't get on board with that? What's your problem? Yeah. If I know anything about you. Wrong age, direction, wrong race, wrong everything. I'm the boy.

I like men. Well, in any case, I think Rachel Maddow is really fucking hot. I like her jawline. I like her mannerisms, the way her face moves when she speaks, when she's making a point, the way her eyes, the whole thing. I just don't get sexually excited by somebody that evil and stupid. I really value someone who's smart. And I, she's, I mean, heck, even if you don't like her. by somebody that evil and stupid. I really value someone who's smart. And she's, I mean, heck, even if you don't like her.

She's passionate and she's incredibly well-spoken. You can't deny her that. Oh, God. Yeah, but she's wrong. God, this was going so well. We were having like a lovely tender goodbye. We were like recapping all the stuff we'd enjoyed talking about with one another. You know, like, oh, come on again another time.

And I was like, yeah, that would be lovely. Thanks, guys. This has been amazing. I made three new friends. And now you have to finish with this shit. There's a reason her ratings are the lowest out of anyone's. Emma Simic is in the tank way behind Fox and CNN. Because I'm right and you're all CNN. I bet Conan O'Brien

gets better ratings than her. Stephen Colbert gets better ratings than her. Megan Kelly's left pinky is more attractive than fucking Rachel McIntyre. They need to get Megan Kelly in some shorter skirts. Megan Kelly is stunning. She's got that lovely pinched nose

and it's a smirk and a scowl. And you don't know whether she's just going to like laugh at you or eat you. You know, she's like the ultimate predator. I love her. I love her. I think she's gotten better recently. She'd be like some kind of like beautiful bird of prey. Or maybe like a gigantic like lizard with like a beautiful snout and lovely kind of like, you know, like one of those archaeopteryx things like the dinosaur bird hybrids where like kind of like they're sinister and dangerous because they're lizards but they've

also got like beautiful plumage like feather things like that's what she is five years ago she wasn't as good at her job as she is now five years ago i felt like she was a bubble head i felt like she just kind of agreed with things she was a fox news puppet or whatever now she seems to have independent opinions she's almost the john Jon Stewart of Fox News in that she can go toe-to-toe with her guests, where typically I feel like the guests on a news show like that are such domain experts

that it's hard for a newscaster to keep up with them. She's fantastic. I don't agree with her. She really does nail it. Bill O'Reilly handles his guests. Oh, it's hilarious watching him scream people down. Yeah, I was about to say, if Bill O'Reilly can't outthink you

and he can't out-talk you, he will out-shout you. He will talk you down and you will shut the fuck up while he finishes your opinion. And I'll give you the last word. Well, you see, Bill, hey, we're all out of time.

That last word thing. Donate your money and fuck off. If you're inexperienced at that, that would be... He's so great, though. He's like, all right, do something clever. Go. If you're inexperienced at that, that would be – He's so great though. He's like, all right, do something clever. Go. If you can't, then you suck is the unspoken part of it.

I'll give you the last word. He sits there disapprovingly judging what your last word is. And while I suspect Milo would do really well on it, most people, like, hey, here's the mic. Be smart. It's a tough one to it's a tough thing to that's your job and the reason you're there you should be prepared for something like that like you don't go into Bill O'Reilly like oh it's going to be real fair I'm sure

you let me get my two cents in like no you got to go in he'd love me though but I wouldn't I wouldn't have a hard time with him he'd love me he'd be like you're kind of a fag it's alright to like so you're a good fag he might I if it was a topic in which you didn't agree i i don't know which one it would be then uh i still you just do well with the last word

you he's catholic as well right yeah he is yeah we'd agree on everything uh well i think that's a show okay there we go i upset you back so now we're equal all right all right well that was pka episode 264 milo do you have anything you're looking to pimp That's a show. Okay. There we go. I upset you back so now we're equal. All right. All right. Well, that was PKA episode 264. Milo, do you have anything you're looking to pimp? No. I have a big tour in the US as I think we mentioned.

So if you want to head over to one of the universities I'm going to be at, you can go to unopolis.net slash tour. And if you're struggling on how to spell Unopolis, you could start by going to twitter.com slash Nero, N-E-R-O like the Roman emperor emperor who was awesome apart from the burning christians thing otherwise great um and you can find it somehow from there uh and yeah come along most of the tour dates are open to the public uh you can check with the little red buttons next to it so if you have enjoyed my rambling meandering uh provocative nonsense then uh come and come and see me in america thanks guys very good