Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #265

Episode Date: January 22, 2016

This week on PKA, the guys are joined by Dr. Christopher Ryan and he recounts the group with some of his prison stories, they all talk about hypnosis and politics talk about the future president!

We're live! Painkiller already, episode 265, the triple sponsor. Yes, the triple sponsor episode, the first of, the triple sponsor episode, the first of which is Squarespace. Start building your website today at squarespace.com, enter offer code PKA at checkout to get 10% off. We're going to talk more about them later in the show. We also have audible.com.

Audible is the leading provider of premium digital spoken audio information and entertainment on the internet. And finally, Credit Karma. That's one that the Woodworth family actually put into use every day. So we'll talk more about all three of those sponsors later in the show. But first things first, let's get to it. Yeah. Hey, Christopher Ryan, thank you for joining us. Good to be here. I watched your TED Talk. I watched some of your Joe Rogan podcast, and I think I have to start to know you. So how did you skip a year of high school? What's the story with that? High school. You said this in the Joe Rogan podcast. You said that throughout all of school and every job, you always cheated the system.

Oh, yeah. How did you do such a thing? I didn't skip a year of high school. I may have misspoken. I skipped a year of college, though. A little over a year, actually. That must have been what I was thinking of. High school, I went to three different high schools,

so there was really no time to scam any one of them. I was moving too quickly. But, yeah, I skipped my junior year of college I found a loophole in the student handbook one night when I was you know high probably why else would I be reading the student handbook in my dorm room and I realized like it said you know you have to complete a certain number of credits. You have to have taken these core classes. And that's what you need to move on to senior year. And I was like, I've done all that. And I'm a sophomore.

So why do I need to be here next year? And I went to the administration and they were like, well, it's an unspoken, you know, assumption you're going to be here. And I was like, yeah, but that's not what it says. So and they were like, OK, fuck you. And so I left. I went to Alaska and they were like okay fuck you and so i left i went to alaska and they changed the student handbook immediately i like that so what'd you do in alaska salted the earth and left i just yeah i'm sorry you know sorry for those who came after and

then i actually scammed my way out of two-thirds of my senior year. I spent that time in Mexico, but the administration thought I was on campus because I did six independent studies classes. I sort of schemed with professors. I went to the professors and I said, actually, I mean, I'm taking credit for this. It wasn't my idea because after I spent a year in Alaska, I went, I had to go back to school for senior year. Cause there's, that was in the book, you know, you gotta be here. And so I went back and I was, I had been on the road for close to a year. I'd been living in my tent and I'd been in prison and I'd, you know, done all this crazy shit in Alaska. And I was done with college, you know, I was just fucking out of there. But my dad convinced me to go back and get my degree and that was good advice. But I refused to go back and live in the dorm. So I

lived in my tent in this patch of woods out near the art museum and they didn't like that and that caused another problem. And then I was hanging out one night with the dean of students and the head of the english department who were both friends of mine and we were you know getting high and talking about life and i was bitching and complaining about how stupid it was that i had to be in college even though i was like i had done what i came there to do right and the dean said well why don't you just fuck off and go to Mexico or someplace? He was an anthropologist, actually. And I said, well, I can't because, you know, there's this regulation and, you know, and he said, look, here's what happens. Professors sign

the paper for independent studies. Then it comes to me. I sign the paper. It goes in a file and no one ever sees it again. So I took the hint. I went to professors and I said, hey, do you think I'd learn more being here or traveling in Mexico? And I found three for each term, six different professors who said, yeah, Mexico. And I was like, will you sign this, please, and don't ask

me any questions? Did you get credits for nothing? I got A's. Those are the best grades I ever got. I got six A's. Those are the best grades I ever got. I got six A's. You breezed past the prison thing, but how did you end up in prison while you were just forest gumping around the world through college? I had been traveling with these guys I met on the ferry

going up the Inside Passage in Alaska, and you take the boat from Seattle up the coast through all these islands to Skagway or Haines and then you hitchhike from there up through the Yukon and it was a big probably 10 days you know either sleeping in our tents or you know getting rides and then we finally got a long ride all the way to Fairbanks and when we got to Fairbanks you know we hadn't showered and we'd been eating you know salami and chocolates or whatever we had in our bag nuts and stuff and uh so the first place we went was this laundromat that also had showers and uh it was sort of a deluxe laundromat. And we put all our stuff into the washing machines because we stank, you know. And so the three of us were like wearing shorts with no underwear,

boots with no socks, a jacket with no shirt, and everything was in the washer. And then one of the guys wanted to call his girlfriend back in Colorado to tell her that he'd made it to Fairbanks. And there was a pay phone at the grocery store across the street. So I said, I'll go over with you. And we left the third guy there watching our backpacks and stuff. And we went over, but the phone was occupied. So we grabbed a shopping cart while we were waiting for this guy to get off the phone. And we just started walking around this grocery store. But we'd been in the woods for 10 days. So we were like, you know, Russian immigrants, just like, oh, my God, look at all this stuff, you know?

And we were putting stuff in the cart as if we were actually shopping. And he took a kefir, like a liquid yogurt or kefir, I don't know how it's pronounced. And he drank that. And for some reason, like despite the fact that I'd been living on chocolate and nuts for the last 10 days, I decided to eat a Snickers bar.

Dumbass move. Anyway, I opened the Snickers bar and I ate it and we put the empty things in the cart as if like we're going to pay when we check out. And then, of course, the guy got off the phone. My friend called his girlfriend and we ditched the cart and left. And the security guard busted us because he'd been watching us the whole time. And then, but it wasn't a big deal. He was cool. left and the security guard busted us because he'd been watching us the whole time and then uh but it wasn't a big deal he was cool he said you know you just pay 20 bucks and and it's you know whatever it's no big deal so we went up to the office and while we were up there

this cop came in and someone said oh they got some shoplifters upstairs so he came up and then it sort of started spiraling out of control and we ended up in this uh medium security prison for memorial day weekend a medium security prison because you wanted a snickers and your friend had some yogurt well they in those day i don't know what it's like now but in those days they didn't have local jails they just had these prisons in alaska and so if they want to hold you for a weekend or whatever you're in the prison and so they had medium and maximum we went to the medium but we're in there with murderers and rapists and

the whole thing and when they when they booked us or the intake, whatever it is, the guy doing the intake looked at our arrest reports and he was like, what the fuck is this? A Snickers bar? What the fuck? And we were like, yeah. I mean, the problem was I had weed in my pocket. I had a knife in my boot. All right.

Neither one of those are illegal, but it was enough to make this short dick cop pissed off. And so he just, you know, got all riled up and then I mouthed off and I don't know, whatever. It was a long time ago. But so the guy who did the intake was really cool. And he was like, look, you know, this is bullshit, you guys. And remember, we're like two 20 year old kids, college kids with no underwear on, you know, showing up in prison in shorts. Like, you don't want to show up in prison wearing shorts.

I don't remember. Just one step easier. Yeah, I would want underwear for prison. Yeah, yeah, you'd want some underwear. So, yeah, it was awkward. Did you meet any interesting characters in prison? We did. We met, yeah, a lot of people that I remember.

I mean, the saving grace was this guy who did the intake was like, man, that cop's an asshole. You guys, you know, I'm going to sort of take care of you. So what he did was he said, I'm not going to put you in with the general population. You guys are going to sleep in cots in the gym, right? So you'll be alone at night and during the day you just stick together all the time you go to every meal you sit together you go to the bathroom together you shower together and you'll get through this just fine and so he you know i don't know what would have happened otherwise but that was pretty cool and uh but I remember we were sitting. The thing is, there was all this oil money in Alaska.

So the prisons were actually really nice. And so every meal was all you can eat. And there's a full salad bar with whole wheat rolls and white rolls and blue cheese dressing and all this crazy stuff, right? And all you can eat, but 20 minutes. So, so you just, it was just like, you know, this feeding frenzy. I remember we were sitting at this table and there was this guy across the table who looked like, um, I know you guys are probably too young to remember this guy, but there were like in the seventies, there were all these revenge movies. What was his name? Charles Bronson you know charles like mustache and tattoos

and muscles and yeah kind of mean look greasy well that's what this guy looked like and he he's like challenging and he looked up and he was like he said this is the best fucking prison i've Yeah, man. Us too. Are you a doctor? A PhD? I have a PhD, yeah. Did you cheat your way through that or legit? I hope you cheated your way through. Find a loophole.

Well, yeah. I mean, if I did, I wouldn't want to tell you about it, would I? No, they can't take it now. All my credibility would just be destroyed. No, I didn't cheat my way through it, but I went to a school that is extremely flexible in terms of what you want to study, and I was very, very lucky that I hooked up with... Huh?

University of Phoenix, I said. No, no, but something like that. No, it's fully accredited, and it's actually a good school. They only do master's and PhD and only in psychology. So there's no undergrad, and it's a lot of self-directed kind of stuff. So you decide what you want to study, hook up. It's sort of an Oxford-Cambridge educational system. So you hook up with a professor who's an expert in the area that

you want to learn, and it's more of a mentorship kind of situation. And I was lucky enough to become friends with Stanley Krippner, who's a world-renowned expert in all sorts of things, paranormal, parapsychology, mythology, ethnobotany. He's a fascinating guy. So anyway, he really guided me through the doctoral process. What is parapsychology? Is that like the psychology of phantoms and ghosts? Yeah, it's the study of what isn't readily explicable scientifically. He's a really interesting guy, Stanley, because he studies this stuff scientifically. So it could be anything from

reincarnation to telepathy to psychic healing to all these sorts of things. He's a ghostbuster. Yeah, he's the original ghostbuster. I mean, he's 83 now. But back in the day, he was the guy who would be on the Johnny Carson show, let's try if they would have Stanley on there to explain what was happening or to debunk it. Yeah, exactly. Sorry, go ahead. I feel like my question asking is on a third grade level,

but you believe in ghosts? That's what I'm getting from this? Me, personally? No, I've never had any experience with ghosts okay now but i certainly believe that there are you know i i think that we in in western science um make the mistake of thinking that the only things that exist are the things that we see through our particular lenses and i think that trips us up a lot. We're like a kid with a flashlight who thinks things don't exist

except where I shine my flashlight. What do you think is a good example of something that kind of escapes the bound of our flashlight, so to speak, that is out there that we can't prove? Placebo, right? How does placebo work? Nobody's ever explained it, and yet it's included in every scientific experiment that's been done in the last 50 years, at least in medicine, right? That's a huge effect.

The color of the pill affects the response of people to it and on levels that are not even conscious, on levels of how white blood cells respond, for example, which you can't consciously control. And yet that's affected by something like placebo and whether the doctor is a man or a woman and healing, rates of healing are affected by whether or not the window in your hospital room looks out onto trees or onto a wall you know there are all sorts of things that we can't explain hypnosis how does hypnosis work there are hundreds of um cases of of major surgery that are done with no anesthesia at all other than hypnosis how the hell does that happen nobody knows is that true i had never heard of like i i always assumed hypnosis was mostly

bunk since every time I watch it it's like some asshole convincing a bunch of people that they're having sex on a stage in front of a bunch of drunk idiots laughing at him like I never thought it was real no hypnosis is real it's it's something that's difficult to study and therefore there's not a lot of a huge literature but there's a significant literature particularly of things like surgery done under hypnosis the thing about hypnosis is that people have different levels of what's called hypnotic ability so and that appears to be largely genetic runs in families so you know you could have five people and do the same technique with five of them one of them might have a strong effect and the other four might be left completely you know like nothing happened so when you see those stage hypnotists before before the cameras go on, they do screening of the audience.

They'll have everyone stand up and close their eyes and imagine that there's a breeze blowing on their forehead. And then imagine the breeze getting stronger and stronger and stronger. And they'll notice that some people in the audience are leaning forward because they're compensating for the breeze that they're imagining. It's a bunch of rubeses forward right into the ploy so yeah so they'll see those people who are leaning forward then the cameras go on and they'll say i need some volunteers and they'll point to the people that they already know have high hypnotic ability so that's so there is a scam going on but it's not the hypnosis It's the way it appears they're choosing randomly. I think by high hypnotic ability, you mean gullibility.

Yeah. No, it's not gullibility. You know what I think of it as? It sounds like someone who's susceptible to a placebo. To me, they're kind of hand in hand. If you can convince me to stop smoking, I don't smoke. Through hypnosis, then... What if we could convince you to start smoking through hyp don't smoke, through hypnosis, then... What if we could convince you to

start smoking through hypnosis? That's called advertising. I want to see some destructive hypnotism. That's what I want to see. Now, I remember when they had the hypnotism expert come on, like, the Stern Show. He suggested that smarter people were more difficult to hypnotize, so they always get

a real moron to come in when they convince him, you know, his dick has fallen off or that he's actually a woman or something. That's not true. It has no relation with intelligence. It's a genetic trait. And in fact, there's good reason to believe that it had a strong evolutionary benefit. So it's something that has been sort of, you know, selected for in terms of Darwinian evolution because, you know, the thing about, you guys are framing it as gullibility,

but the thing about placebo is the effects are real. So if I can give you a sugar pill that will make your blood pressure go down and you're going to live five years longer, that's an advantage. That's not that you're stupid. That's that you've got a self-healing capacity that other people don't have. And if you imagine our ancestors living in hunter-gatherer tribes where there were no, you know, anti, you know, blood pressuring, lowering, you know, pills or whatever, that would have helped you survive longer if the shaman could blow on your face and blow some smoke and make some weird noises. And that would convince you that, I mean, voodoo death. Voodoo death is real. People believe they're going to die, then they die. So it's not about gullibility. It's about a way that the brain works that can have significant

But they have to believe that first, right? I feel like... I'm sorry. It's not gullibility to me. It's a mindset, right? Like, I wouldn't say that stupid people believe in God, even though they're buying into something from which there is no physical evidence or they can't be observed. Some people are just more faith-based. And somehow hypnotism and believing in god sounds similar to me you know

some people are just more apt to believe that this will work and then it does yeah yeah it could have been a real advantage advantageous thing to have uh like early humanity like tribal gods and whatnot like being able to convince yourself that you're being healed from your rock wound or the saber tooth bite or whatever the fuck they were doing back then. Like just being able to believe that you were getting better and then having that actually take effect. Like I never thought of, that's really interesting.

I never thought of it as like a placebo tie in. Yeah. That changes a lot of my perspective on it. Have you ever been hypnotized? Well, yeah, yeah yeah i've i've been hypnotized why is it such a hard thing to i know why because hypnotism is a spectrum right i have talked to people who've been hypnotized who say that it's almost like an out-of-body experience and other people who say no it's just kind of a like half nap where you're open your mind to suggestion and yeah that's why your answer was hard you're like was i hypnotized exactly that's it first of all i was i was

trying to remember when and where to be sure i wasn't you know imagining it i may be hypnotized right now for all i know um but yeah i do remember when it was when i was in graduate school and uh i did some hypnotherapy classes and um yeah and you're right it's a spectrum because i was thinking what's not like what you guys are imagining at least it wasn't in my case it was just like deep relaxation don't love me and what these fools nobody had me barking like a dog or pretending to be fucking a chair or anything you know i don't need to be hypnotized for that depends on the chair yeah man on the uh on the stern show they uh they convinced sal that he that his dick had fallen off, that it was gone.

And so he's just screaming, my dick! My dick is gone! I need it! That was great. So I really enjoy it. That's the kind of hypnotism that I enjoy. I want to see someone. Yeah, the fake kind on the Stern show.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. That's much more entertaining. That's actually a disease um that affects people throughout asia called koro k-o-k-o-r-o and it's the belief that you're that your dick is falling off or being um uh sort of shrinking into your body jesus christ and yeah and it leads to like people killing who they believe are witches because they've been, oh, you've afflicted me with Koro and they go kill these people.

Yeah, look it up. It's crazy. When I was an undergrad in college, I went to a hypnotism show and it was very powerful. This is like 19-year-old me. And they got girls to kiss guys. They got a guy to think he was a chicken.

They got someone to be like deathly afraid of lightning, but we were indoors and it wasn't raining. And I came away from that, young Woody, thinking that like, holy smokes, this hypnotism is fantastic. This guy has the ability to like, he's like Xavier. Is that the guy from X-Men? Who's the one in the wheelchair? Xavier. Yeah, yeah. Patrick Stewart. Thank you. he's like Xavier is that the guy from X-Men who's the one in the wheelchair Xavier yeah yeah

thank you so one of my plans was rather than study and learn the material I could hypnotize my professors and get better grades and it didn't go anywhere it was complete failure really that didn't

how do you initiate that excuse me Dr. Waters come here you're getting very sleepy he's gonna be like get the fuck out of here They're like, I'm gonna need six minutes of complete silence. I've never seen it in action. Never actually seen somebody get hypnotized. My grandma tried to get hypnotized to quit smoking, which apparently is reasonably common in the hypnosis world as far as reasons quitting smoking. It didn't work for her, but I guess it wouldn't continue if it didn't work for some people.

In hindsight, I think the people I saw succumbed to a social pressure, right? They're on a stage, There's 600 people watching, and they're saying, cluck like a chicken. And they can either disappoint everyone and be like, no, or they can cluck like a chicken to claps and laughs and celebration.

Yeah, but it's not laughs. Like, look at how clever that chicken is. My God, I'm going to high five him after this. Look at that fucking dolt up there maybe so manipulated by that puppeteer your alternative is look at how uncool taylor is look at how like disappointing i am in taylor's like just unfun folding his arm saying no that's why people did it i would prefer that i would i would love to see a hypnotist go up there and just bomb. He keeps telling them to do all this stupid shit, and they're just like, fuck you.

You say you prefer that, and you won't. In a way that he can't call you out, like become a different animal. So he can't say that you're BSing. He starts getting scared. He's like, Art, you're a human again. This never happened to me before. I know you prefer it, and maybe that's true, but hypothetical 18-year-old Kyle might have been much more susceptible

to the pressures of the crowd. Perhaps. That's true. I can't know that without some sort of time machine. But whenever I see the hypnotism, I'm thinking in my head, I'm like, I think the same thing I think when I see those crazy televangelist churches, when he's got the line of people, he's going to heal, and he's like, heal! And the person's like, ah!

Like being thrown across the room by invisible Yoda force or something that this guy just put on them and i'm thinking like no no no those people are just dancing for the crowd they're just caught up in the moment have you ever been to a church like that yeah i yeah i've been to one of those too when i was like seven i spent the night at a friend's house and they made me go to church with them the next morning and i thought it was going to be like the church my parents made me go to it was like sit there and shut up and just listen to the guy do his thing but as soon as we got in there i could tell some vibe was off like like like took his uh his jacket off like threw it to the side like it wasn't the time to fuck around price doesn't deal with blazers we're rolling up the sleeves here getting that wrist deep in faith and then people like kept like

dancing their way up to the front like shaking their hands like that and he wouldn't do like the hit thing but he'd kind kind of like grab them by the shoulders and go like, oh, Lord, and then like kind of push them on their way to the side. They were asking me, like, Taylor, you want to go to the front? You want to go to the front with the preacher? You know? No, no, I think I just want to go home. Have you ever been to a church where the people start speaking in tongues?

Yes. Yeah, I've been to that. That makes me very uncomfortable. That makes me very uncomfortable. They would just, out of nowhere, you know, this guy next to me who I know is like a volunteer fireman, and he is not communing with God or anything like that right now. And he just, And everybody's like, yeah!

Pointing at him like, yeah! They're like hyping him up. Like, it's so silly. LaRundi! Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la and repetitive noises and high pitches. It's upsetting if you're like seven years old. If some good old boy from Franklin County, Georgia started speaking Latin out of nowhere in church, I'd be like, holy shit. All right, all right. This is legit right here because he doesn't. But no, it's just gibberish. He's just making it up as he goes along. Yeah. That'd be a good way for God to show tongues is real.

Make him do it in Latin or some other language. That's what the devil does. That's what Satan does. And all those exorcist movies, they're communing with the person in Latin. Stanley, my professor, was the consultant on the exorcist.

That's very cool. The paranormal expert. Had he ever been present for an exorcism or something like that? Did he have that in his background? Good question. I don't know. I don't know if he'd ever been there.

He was a trained magician, though. That was how he got into it. As a kid, he learned magic tricks. And so that made him very skeptical when he heard these claims of ghosts and paranormal stuff. He was really cool. He hung out with the Grateful Dead. skeptical when he heard these claims of ghosts and you know paranormal stuff and he was crazy he was really cool he hung out with the Grateful Dead actually he hypnotized Mickey Hart and the other percussionist whose name but they're led to the Mickey Hart said to the host of the party

you don't know anyone who does hypnosis do you because the two drummers from the dead wanted to get hypnotized and learn to be in one mind so their percussion would be perfectly synchronized and the host was like oh that guy over there he's a psychologist he does hypnosis and so that

began a long friendship they're still good friends and stanley was the the sort of in-house psychologist for the grateful dead for you know 25 30 years or whatever what an interesting place to be in life for the day you just observe all the drugs through the decades yeah he was backstage he met i remember he told me he was uh watching a show backstage and he ended up sitting next to david byrne and they chatted you know through the the whole show and uh yeah stanley stanley's a fascinating guy he tripped with timothy leary and hung out with all those you

know alice huxley and all those people that you've heard of but stanley was like the young buck in that crowd you know now he's the the lone survivor the grateful dead was the career path of the loser when i was in high school right like some people wanted to be doctors some wanted to be engineers some were going to be a chef or a construction worker and then there was always that guy that was like i'm going to follow the dead like like really yeah just go from concert to concert following the dead i've got this great grilled cheese entrepreneurial spirit and uh they're gonna like follow the dead live in a tent and sell grilled cheese sandwiches or mushrooms and end up in prison for 20 years yeah that's that kills me minimum mandatory sentencing for some deadheads selling mushrooms at a concert like are you

kidding this guy's the threat to the public welfare yeah no maybe a threat to himself and people in his immediate vicinity but not like the public at large yeah yeah and you know let's let's talk about how many people die from mushroom overdoses you know it's i don't think don't you have to eat like pounds upon pounds of it to get there like a crazy amount yeah i mean the toxicity the neurotoxicity of of most kinds of mushrooms is very low so you can make yourself sick but you know death overdose is very low marijuana you'd have to eat like you know a pickup truck full you know it's it's yeah i've heard with marijuana is that to smoke it fast enough to die Death overdose is very low. Marijuana, you'd have to eat a pickup truck full. It's crazy. Yeah, I've heard with marijuana is that to smoke it fast enough to die,

you die of carbon monoxide poisoning before anything from the weed even took place. What do horses get? Is it colic? What does a horse get when they eat too fast? When it jams up their intestines and they die? I think that's colic. Yeah. It seems like that would be a bigger risk.

Oh, sure. Horses and babies. Yeah, what? Is that the same thing that babies get? They say, oh, he's colicky. Yeah, why do I think that's not? I think that's the right word. I think you had it. It's colic.

I thought that's what your Great Dane dogs got because they're so gargantuan. Their intestines get all tangled or whatever. They have to have that surgery to attach that to the cow's wall. Yeah, Great Danes suffer from some of the same things that horses get, including colic. That means we bred that dog too big.

Poor thing. They're happy dogs. Yeah, so typically what we do is when we get them fixed, like 18 months old or something, we also have their stomach taxed to a rib or something so that it can't get not the stomach but the intestines so that it can't get all twisted up yeah wow oh so um this is completely this is going to be a weird kind of topic for christopher but i have this guy who works for me and i give kind of weekly updates

about his life because it's so absurd so kind of like kind of like for you and anyone else who's not aware, this guy's name's Josh. I make YouTube videos for a living, and so I get this guy as kind of a handyman to come and help me build sets and stuff like that. And he's just a real moron. He's 21 years old. He's pretty dim, and he's just terrible at everything.

And I recently found out that his girlfriend that he's always been referring to is 40 years old. He's 21, and he's got a 40-year-old girlfriend, and he got her pregnant. And he was happy about the pregnancy. It's the second time that he's gotten her pregnant, but they lost the baby over the weekend. So he tells this to my dad.

My dad went, he's like, good, that's real good, good, good. And he's just like, well, I'm awful tore up about it. So we worked all day yesterday, Josh and I did. And this guy is the laziest motherfucker I've ever worked with. It was awful. We poured a cement pad, a big cement pad, 300 square feet, something like that. And part of that is you have to get on your hands and knees with a board and kind of float it across the top of this thing

and make a smooth surface because it's about to harden into rock. And I'm on my hands and knees, and I'm in the mud, and I'm just working really hard, both hands, and I'm just trying to make this thing straight. I look up, and he's squatting, not on his knees, and he's got one hand on it, just doing this number, just half-assing it to the max. My back

is so fucked up today. I couldn't work, and I just blame him. I hate him so much. Every day I work with him, I hate him more. I'm going to get him for the Josh Wheel of Pain. I mentioned it to him the other day, and I think he's up for it. So I'm going to offer him the Wheel of Pain. We'll see if we can get him

on the show. Is he fine with the Wheel of Pain up to Taser category or is he going to have to taper off that? I don't know. What's the Wheel of Pain? With the Wheel of Pain, you've basically got a standard spinning. It's in a room back there.

I'll try to find it. It's basically like you spin a Wheel of Fortune style wheel that's cut into pie slices that are dry erase. So you can write in what each one of them stands for. And half of the slices are good things like cash and half of them are bad things like getting shot with a taser or forcibly given a tattoo or something silly like that. So I'm going to get him on here and see if we can do that to him because he's just

annoyed me to no end you know what in terms of lazy it every so often i do this test i'll follow a woman typically someone in my family like my wife or my daughter and they go to open the door but it's a real half-ass like like they put their hand on the doorknob and in my mind they are just as much blocking the door as they are opening it so rather than do the guy like reach over and you know like swing the door open with grandeur i'll just not like just let them finish what they started and it's just like they put their hand on the and then nothing and then just like a limp, like, aren't you going to do this for me? Well, you know, you got some choices, woman.

You can get out of the way or you can open the door. But you can't be in the way. There should be a rule against this. I've never noticed women just holding doorknobs in public waiting for their savior. It's a thing. Yeah. Oh, that's my experience. Oh, glory.

Who's going to open this door in this summer heat? I've always definitely noticed if they do go through a door, they'll only open it wide enough to allow them to pass through. They're going to slip through it like a hobbit in the Shire, barely getting through the door. Yeah, yeah. It's definitely not a proper door opening. Yeah, I don't expect much there though i don't care with the working thing though like if someone's paying me to work

like i'll hustle like i want like you know you know i'm paying for everything that's happening it was like 500 for the concrete so i'm hustling around to make sure this shit isn't going to dry in a way i don't want it to be and i just just look at him, and he's just fucking half-assing it. And I thought that he was like a heavyset Bubba-type fellow, but after seeing him really do something that's strenuous like what we did, he's just fat. He's just fat and out of shape. He can't cut it. So he's not like one of those bouncers that is really fat,

but you're like, there's something underneath there. No, like a retired linebacker who's 350 pounds but just could still bench 500 or something no he's surprisingly good with concrete dr chis dr chis really yeah we have um it's a counterbalance for my tractor so we did about a thousand pounds of concrete i don't know if that's a lot or not but um put a thousand pounds of concrete in this counterbalance thing he was all all, you know, working the shovel, working the hose. He had spread a lot of concrete in his life before. And most of the time Chiz and I worked together, I kind of took the lead.

This time, it was clear that he should have had the lead. Yeah, I'm sure he loved it. No ladders, you're nice and low. Do you guys mix your own concrete? Are you like a wheelbarrow or something? Well, because it was a counterbalance, it? Like a wheelbarrow or something? Well, because it was a counterbalance, it practically was the wheelbarrow, and that was his experience.

Oh, that makes sense. Yeah, so we just put the sand and then the concrete in and then used a shovel and a hose. Oh, and I had a pretty hardcore drill, like an F-shaped half-horsepower drill with a special concrete mixing bit on it. I had a strange concrete oh sorry go ahead no go ahead i was just gonna tell a concrete a concrete story go on uh i i had a job in new

york for a while uh sort of running a construction project in in hell's kitchen and uh it was an apartment building and one day i was off at lunch. And when I came back, there were all these ambulances around. And they were doing the slab of this building. So it was big. It was like swimming pool size, Olympic swimming pool size slab. And the construction guys, most of the laborers were Italian, old school guys who came over from Italy. And there were these two old guys who were specialists in concrete. And apparently they had been down there and they were like you described on their knees on a piece of plywood and then reaching out and smoothing and

then sort of, you know, moving back away, you know, toward the edge. And one of the guys had a heart attack and fell face first into the wet concrete. And so the ambulance had already gone when I got there, but I looked down and there was this, like you could see it in the concrete where he had fallen. It was like a snow angel sort of. And then like where they dragged him out. It was intense. And so we're all standing there and his buddy who he had known since childhood,

they came over together from Italy and they'd worked together their whole lives and they were in their 60s probably at that point. And so we're all standing there looking down into the pit and like, holy shit, wow, what is this? What are we doing? And meanwhile, his buddy just sort of quietly walks down and goes out and gets on the concrete and smooths out the image of where his friend died it was one of the most moving things i ever saw man it was incredible how dark it was pretty yeah dark but dignified you know he didn't need to do that he could have

left it as a monument like that would have been, and that's where Larry fell for years to come. In the laundry room downstairs. Did he die? Yeah. The dude was dead, yeah. There were two deaths on that site. The other was, oh, it was horrible. A hooker was killed by our night security guy.

That was weird. He was this really friendly dude and i was one job all he had to do was hang out there to do was not kill the hookers you know yeah so like um did he like hire this hooker and then like strangle her or did he mistake her for a burglar and and shoot her like like how did he kill a hooker it was it was bad it was like it was bad yeah and then the weird thing was that you know i was the last guy to leave the site at night so i would i was there the workers had all left the security guy shows up and i'm like okay great see you in the morning and i left so then they found this dead woman there the next morning and so the

cops interviewed me right um and they were like yeah what do you think could it be what do you think about the security guy and i'm like oh no definitely not him he's he's cool you know he was really friendly guy definitely not him it turns out it was him and so like so much for you know my judgment of character but yeah that was that was interesting, getting interviewed by detectives in Manhattan. It was like walking onto Barney Miller or something. Or what's the crime scene show?

Law and Order, yeah. Yeah, it was interesting. Anyway, that's my concrete story. Sorry to bring it down. I told my story before but i'm going to tell it again anyway for those who haven't heard it um we're getting concrete concrete quotes on this house and the guy was from buffalo and he had married into the mob um he wasn't really in the mob and like you know i guess the girls kind of get detached from it so his

connection was of course to his wife but uh he was privy to all the stories. And she had all kinds of people she should call or could call. And anyway, it was like her uncle or something, her great uncle. And he was the biggest contractor in New York for, it wasn't concrete, but it was those giant concrete pipes. Is there a name for them that like the sewage goes through? I don't know. And they're putting them in the ground, and these things are tall. I don't know, 12 foot or 18 feet tall or something.

They're really, really big. And apparently they were using the wrong kind of soap to join them. There's something that goes on the pipe that, uh, that not only sort of lubricates them as you slide them together, but also forms a seal for the longterm. And the inspector comes down there and he says, you're using the wrong kind of soap. And, uh, you know, so they like get the head guy. And of course this guy's all mob. And, uh, he looks at the inspector and he's like, huh, well, fuck you. And, uh And the inspector's like, no, this guy's like fresh out of college with the clipboard. And, you know, he's like, nah, he's just going through.

He's like, you got to take these things apart, put more soap on them, put them back together. And he's like, nah, fuck you, man. I'll fucking kill you. And the inspector, not backing down, but like remains polite as I hear the story. You know, he no no you know I'm quite sure you know what he did this is the kind of soap you need to use so the guy pushes him in the uh in the ditch which is like I don't know 12 foot or 18 foot fall and the inspector is now at the bottom of this ditch where they're laying the pipe and um he's not moving so the mob guy is like, all right, cover him up. And they want to just keep building with the inspector in the pit. And the guy in like the excavator, that's what they would use to like pick up and move the things around, was in there. And he's like, no, I can't do it. You know, I can't cover up this guy and, you know, just murder him like that.

And he starts cursing out the excavator operator. He's like, you motherfucker, you put the thing in, you keep going, and he doesn't do it. He locks the door. The guy's freaking out. They pull him off. Anyway, they cancel all his business with the state. He's like, this is the number one contractor

in the state of New York, and they just cut down every contract with him. His business was over. And then fast forward like nine months later, he's the number one contractor in all of New York again. He just bought his way back in. That's my story. Was the dude dead?

No, he was hurt. Apparently, he really got paid. But he survived, and that's that. Wow. Would you deal with that to get paid? Maybe. He had no money. Yeah, you have to think of the long-term consequences, right?

If he spent a really bad two weeks in the hospital but didn't have to spend 40 years working for the man, man's not a bad payoff. That's a great... I'd spend, like, six grueling months with no TV in the hospital to get out of 40 years. Right? I could have a book in front of me and like

turn the pages when I blink. What's that? There's a sound effect that comes through at crazy high volume. I think did you just get like a text or something? I got it. Oh, you know, I may have gotten a Windows 10 update. God, Windows 10.

I just fucking love it. I'm so glad they offered it to me for free. Can you believe the benevolence of Microsoft? They would give me this software for free. Oh, Kyle, what are you drinking out of your Kyle mug? I like it. Orange juice, it looks like. Coffee.

There's some coffee in there. juice? Coffee Some coffee Nice Quick caveat So the shirt store Spreadshirt Link below There's a couple new designs coming to that And they should be up and all squared away

By the time you guys are watching this If you're a Patreon Maybe wait until Friday and they'll be up But check those out. Well, I'm excited. Can you tell me about them? Yes, I can. One of them has to do with Henrietta. It's a picture of the chicken

that you guys killed on the survival trip. And it says, all gave some, some gave all. And then there's a logo for One Tree Farm, which is my botanical kind of lotion and salve company. Very similar to One Tree Hill, whatever the hell Kitties is. One Tree Lane.

So One Tree Farm. It says it's not much, but it's ours. And that's the other one. And there might be another one coming if I can get the guy to finish it by tomorrow. But just expect those two for now. Chris, we went on this survival trip where Kyle, who you see at the bottom for me anyway, and me and another guy you don't know,

Dr. Chiz, or barely know. And we survived in the woods for five days. We didn't bring any food. We bought a water purifier. We got sponsors, so we ended up having hammocks and stuff. But instead of bringing food, we did bring a live chicken. And she started as like poultry, really just living poultry. She's a food bird. She like, whatever, like no one cared about it somehow. We kept it in a box with a towel on the top,

but then she escaped from the box and she started just like hanging. She didn't run away or anything. We put her back in the box and she escaped again. And now she's just chilling with us. And in terms of survival skills, she was by far the best. She cleaned up the whole campsite

of like caterpillars and bugs and stuff. She'd come up next to you and like sit on your foot and just like you know hey guys like i'm really happy to come along with you um you know i i thought she started looking healthier am i crazy kyle or did she really agree with the woods uh she was getting better than she was although she had been living in a box for three days yeah yes well you know we gave her a little bowl of water and she found her own butterflies and moss and whatever she became part of the team and everyone except for woody thought let's just give her reprieve we don't need to eat the chicken right but no woody was like it's time to i've

never killed anything quite this big this is gonna be i need to kill this thing let's kill it and thank god for woody so i killed henrietta yeah she eventually died she died from her wounds not long after the uh the attack here's the thing uh did you beat her to death well kyle held her head and i had a machete and um i beat like the name the way it never sounds better so he's kind of holding her down on a log he's holding her head and then he's putting a thick stick I don't know call it two inches in diameter

between his hand and where I'm going to chop so that if I make a mistake no one gets hurt I would hit the stick theoretically except Henrietta but that's the plan so that wouldn't be a mistake though anyway um uh i the first chop on henrietta was too low it was kind of on her shoulders it definitely didn't give me that nice clean separation of

life and death the second chop she was dead k Kyle will argue with you, but he's... I won't argue with you. And unfortunately, Henrietta is not here to represent herself. But I'll say this. I've seen a lot of those ISIS videos where they line the people up and just saw their heads off, and it's horrible.

Those people have it much better than if Woody's Gamer Tag is behind the plate. I'll take that jihadi John or whatever from England any day over Woody's Gamer Tag song my head off. Someone needs to edit that clip of when you take Henrietta to the side and you hear the chopping. Like right before that, someone edit in like that. Hello, good to see you. By the second chop, I think she was dead. Now, it did take four chops before the head was just gone.

But I really think it was... By the second chop, she definitely wished she was dead. By the second chop, her spinal cord was severed, I think. And it just took two more shots to get on the other side of the spinal cord and cut the skin. Well, I was glad I kept all my fingers. And, you know, that bird would have been dead two weeks prior had I not pulled her from the rotation. That was the peak of her life. I mean, she was from a factory farm.

Is that fair to say? Yeah. So the time she spent in the woods with us, in spite of its, you know, bumpy ending uh was was mostly good and then you guys it was rough it always oh no okay okay it looks like this might be my internet but this probably won't last very long at least no machines are crashing or anything and uh And we'll try and get this call back, make everything okay. So, in the meantime, welcome to the Woody Show.

A little awkward. I actually, oh, I can talk about, oh, my internet's coming back. I was just gonna tell you about my experience with Time Warner today, but I think we're about to rejoin. If it doesn't happen in a second, I'll just call and sort of force the rejoin. Yeah, let's do that. I'll call.

I'll call. Oh, look at this. Sponsor talk. You guys are seeing what you're not supposed to. We'll hang up on Chiz. Was it just me or everyone? It was me. My internet dropped for whatever, 20 seconds or so.

It's normally so reliable, but not in this case. Oh, that wasn't just me? It was my fault. Yeah. case oh that wasn't just me it was my fault yeah i have a um i have a ping that i run constantly that lets me know like if i'm connected to the internet and i could see that it was me so my oh woody we should uh we should bet on something for oh no we shouldn't because the hurricanes are up on nothing nope no no i down. We bet last time and my team was behind. It seems only fair for you to take the same bet.

Okay. Not the bad joke. How about winner gets to decide what the other one drinks on the next drinking episode. How about loser sings a song. No hard alcohol. Loser sings a song. I won't sing.

You guys hearing me? Yes. Yes, sir. Okay. Listen, I'm going to have to roll. So if there's anything you want to do to wrap up, let's do it. Okay. Do you have a book coming out or what's the, what did I see?

Yeah, I have a book coming out, but not till the fall. So, you know, there's no need to promote that. People won't. They'll be like, you know what? Nine months from now. Yeah, let me make a note in September to get this guy's book. Yeah, don't worry about that. Okay.

But you can talk about Sex at Dawn if you want, or send them my website or my podcast, Tangentially Speaking, or whatever. All right. If you do that, I don't care one way or the other, but whatever, however you wrap it up. Okay. Yeah, I was looking at your book. That looks really interesting.

I saw that, because I've heard of Steven Pinker and I've read about all his assumptions and like the evolutionary psych perspective, and I didn't know there was like a juxtaposition, I guess, to that, or I guess rather an alternate side to that that you take. I think that's really interesting. I'd like to read your book on that, see how you guys differ, since it seems like you do pretty greatly. Steven Pinker, yeah, certainly on the question of violence in prehistory, which is something that he's written about quite a bit.

And actually his TED Talk on that is interesting as well. So, yeah, we definitely disagree. Unfortunately, he hasn't disagreed with me in the New York Times, which is what I'm hoping for. Oh, yeah. Trying to lure him into a high-profile dispute, but he hasn't gone for the bait so far. Should we go after him on Twitter?

What's up, dude? Let's hear you don't you back down yeah yeah no he hasn't uh he hasn't gone for it so we'll see but it's not about him personally of course it's just that there's what i call a neo-habsian approach to uh human nature and nature in general which isn't borne out by the facts, at least as I see them. So that's the nature of the dispute, whether or not human life without the state is solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short, which everyone's heard, at least the nasty, brutish, and short part. Anyway.

Thank you for coming on. We appreciate it. Yeah. That was fun. It's my pleasure. So this is recorded, right? You're going to release this? Yeah, it'll go up on Saturday.

Okay. Well, let me know when it goes up and I'll tweet it. Oh, awesome. Thank you so much. Sure. Good to meet you guys. Yep. See you later.

Check out Sex Don't. Have I ever told you guys when we sent the prostitute to my cousin's room to mess with him? That time? I've heard a lot of prostitute stories from you. I don't know. That's unsettling. There haven't been that many prostitutes in my life.

So here's what happened. We were going on this road trip and we were kind of conspiring against my friend Jeremy. We were always talking behind his back about potentially getting a transsexual prostitute to like, like basically paying her and then having her go and flirt with him and like, you know, put on, you know, just flirt with him all night basically. Not go to bed with him necessarily because, you know, something crazy could happen. But flirt with him and then make him like her and then reveal that it's a

transsexual you know it's a big I gotcha Jeremy we thought that'd be a funny joke so it never came to fruition but we did have those two prostitutes so what we did was we went up to my cousin Scott's room we talked to the we talked to the girls first and explain this whole situation to them and so we open Scott's room we, we go in, and he's asleep in the bed. And this really good looking brunette prostitute crawls into bed with him. And she like puts her arm around him, starts kissing him on the cheek. And he's kind of waking up. He's just all sleepy. He's like, oh, yeah, all right then. All right, hey, what's going on here? This is pretty nice. I woke up and there's a random hot chick in my bed now.

What are you guys doing here? And I'm like, hey Scott, remember that special kind of lady that we were going to find for Jeremy? And I kind of nodded at the girl. And it took him about one full second to process. And he just goes, out of the bed. He's fucking, like, fist. He looks at the girl. He looks at us. Girl.

Us. And he doesn't know who to attack first. He's like, what the fuck? What the fuck is this? What did you do? The whole time is his boxers like wilting. You know, there's no need to fight anyone in this situation. Oh no. He feels completely violated. He feels like a man just crawled in his bed and started making

out with him and he is enraged. That's kind of what happened. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Ready to kill. So she quickly had to show him her pussy. We quickly had to be like, just fucking with you. And he calmed down, but he was ready to just put on a... Okay, you were fucking with him.

I thought... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, that's really... That would have been so mean-spirited if you actually sent them in there. Yeah, I know. That's why we were planning it for Jeremy. We thought it was a really mean-spirited,

awful thing to do to someone. And he can handle that sort of thing. He's got a rough life to begin with. How's Scott doing now? He had that amazing job where his truck earns more money than most people. Yeah, still doing that still doing good um he's got a child now he's uh it's been born um i guess it was born in maybe maybe a six month

old or something like that with a with his girlfriend um and she she might be having another baby now um but he's doing good i guess making, making plenty of money. I saw him yesterday, I think. Yeah, we worked it. He came over yesterday while we were putting that cement pad in, doing that whole thing. So, yeah, he's doing good. It seems like you're the last holdout friend in your little square without a kid on the way.

Oh, what you mean is I'm the only one of them with any fucking common sense. Like, they're just're just well it depends on the situation like your own senior citizen it seems like scott is actually perhaps you know it'd be nice if he was married but in a place where he could have kids sure sure i mean it's not in my opinion i like i i think you should really have your your ducks in a row before you have kids like if i'm gonna have a kid like i want to really put all my time and effort into making that a super kid i want to help educate that little guy and get him all the advantages he can i can get for him and i don't want just oh yeah i got a kid yeah wow he stays at his mom's

house you know i don't know. He's all right. Whatever. Like, I don't want that kind of kid. What the fuck is that? Does he not live with his girlfriend? No. No, of course not. No. I don't know.

They're on their second kid. I thought perhaps they were getting serious. That's how these people are. They're just having kids. Like, they're all like that. Like, that's how Jeremy is. Jeremy's one of those situations where they were all but married. You know, they live together but married. They live together.

They intend to stay together. They just don't know why the government needs a say. That's not the case here. No, no. And then Jeremy, he's got that situation where the lady he married already had two kids. Well, Jeremy, he's not my choice for reproductive rights at all. No, no. I don't think so.

Josh is worse. I think Josh needs testing. He might be... We could probably get him on some kind of government aid program or something. I feel like there's something wrong with that guy. The more I interact with him, the more I think he's just... It really

infuriates me. I can't... I sound like an asshole the more I talk about it, but just being around this guy is just driving me nuts. Well, it seems like he's dumb enough for you to be angry at him, but not so dumb that you're pitying him. It's right on the borderline

of pity. He's in that horrible middle ground of stupidity where you don't get any benefits and you just get people like you telling them to sand out concrete all day. It was so just driving me insane and he's just he's not good at anything you can't you can't leave him to do a job he'll ruin it you remember we talked about it he can't dig a hole and to think he could have had his own little down syndrome child a short night yeah that's

what was going to happen too Like the age of the Mother when she conceives That's a big deal If you're 40 years old it's not an ideal Time one or two percent chance So it's not no it Drastically after you're 35 that is significant

At some point yeah I think It's lower than you're saying let's see Well you're starting with josh as as you know half of your genetic makeup so and you know any 40 year old woman yeah it looks like at 40 it's one percent oh okay well that is i mean it's not great i mean yeah in the scheme of things, it would stink. If that was the overall odds, where 1 in every 100 babies, there's always a 1% chance of Down syndrome.

It increases by 1%. I will go out on a limb here and say there's at least a 10% chance that the spawn of these two is not going to be a... Just to get it right here, here at 35 it's 1 in 350 at 40 it's 1 in 100 and at 45 it's 1 in 30 so it really does skyrocket up there but it's those are the uh for 40 if that's what she is like three times more likely or something like that went from actually in each of these things it's roughly tripled from 35 to 40, and then it triples again from 40 to 45.

Yeah, it's not a good idea. After 45, probably not having kids. I'm guessing it's hard to conceive at 46. Yeah, I think most women are done in their early 40s, somewhere in there. Menopause kicks in. But this is...

I feel like I'm the only one who sees things rationally and i it's like a twilight zone episode and i want to like stare at the sky screaming as like the people because the people around me aren't reacting to the ridiculousness of a 21 year old dim-witted fellow who lives at home having a 40 year old girlfriend who already has one child and he's excited about the prospect of knocking her up for a second time a third time like like i'm just like why is aren't your parents and like your friends and why isn't everyone screaming stop stop like you moron i i can't get it i really don't understand it he's he's creating burdens

for society that's all he's doing like because he certainly can't afford to to even put diapers on these on this potential baby she's clearly not all there based on what he's told me and her reaction to the pregnancy and then the the miscarriage and all that that you haven't met her no i haven't i saw a picture of her because i was like you know since i learned more about this i was like you gotta show me a picture of her because I was like you know since I learned more about this I was like you gotta show me a picture and Scott showed me on his phone she's she's not bad for she's a she's an okay looking 40 year old woman she's a little heavyset but certainly not fat um she's you think she'd have to be above average to date a 21-year-old. Well, it's not like the cream of the crop.

It's a really overweight 21-year-old who has no job, lives at home, and is definitely dim-witted. Dim-witted? You say that like the way doctors in 1913 used that to diagnose people. I hate that they took all those words away from us. He's got donkey brains. I hate that they took all those words away from us. He's got donkey brains.

Yeah, yeah. Feeble-minded is nothing more than the definition of a certain IQ level. So is dull. Dull is as well. Moron, I think. This guy is dull. An idiot might be one too. An idiot maybe as well. A lot of those words that we consider insults now started out as –

It hasn't stopped either. I feel like autist or autistic is a thing that people throw around as insult all the time when it was a medical term 15 years ago yeah they and they take them away and then sometimes we get the words back you never know what you can and can't say anymore but this guy watched south park oh I saw the whole season. No. I used to love South Park. I thought it was really edgy and I mean, it was redundant, but they took these risks and it was funny and it was great. But maybe South Park is as good as it ever was. and I've just seen too many of them, but I thought it was obvious, low-hanging fruit jokes, and predictable, and yeah, I just, like, I don't know.

I didn't find the level of commentary, or comedy, or commentary in there to be, it just wasn't clever at all to me. I never saw anything clever in the entire season. I think Archer is sometimes clever. I think Rick and Morty is sometimes clever. Tug at all to me. I never saw anything clever in the entire season. I think Archer is sometimes clever. I think Rick and Morty is sometimes clever. Tug at your heartstrings. Futurama at its best, you know, the storylines between, who is it, Lilo and Fry or something.

Their storylines will, you know, make you tear up. It's so good. South Park, on the other hand, is just intellectually lazy. I'm too far removed from having seen it to defend it properly, but I remembered liking it. A few of the episodes I felt were really standout. I liked the whole political correctness cap that the whole season was wearing, really. They tackled it at every turn.

It made no sense to me. I enjoyed it. I didn't think it was their greatest season ever, but I felt like it was good. Kyle and I are big fans of South Park, and we have been for so long that it's hard to look objectively. Even last season, which I think was

one of the worst seasons they've ever made, even then I had a hard time saying every episode was subpar. I try to like it. There was a speech in there. Who's the dad who joins the PC friend? Yeah, so Randy's wife was talking to him, and she's like, you've just changed. It seems like now that you're in this PC thing,

you use it to bully people. And that, I thought, was a nice little commentary, the things that I like from South Park, how he was using political correctness as a way to bully people who just sit there and listen for things to get offended about and then throw that back at you. I was like, oh, yeah, that was kind of a well, like they just sort of wrap it up and put a bow on a point that perhaps a lot of people thought would take a thousand words.

She does it in a hundred. It's great. But taken as a whole, I don't know. It just seemed obvious sophomore attempt type stuff. Like it wasn't masterwork there. I like that you mentioned like the other cartoons, like Futurama. Like they have some actual emotional ones. Like when his dog gets frozen.

Like that episode's from like 15 years ago. They're doing their first run. And he like, it's so sad when he like the the montage at the end of his dog waiting outside the pizzeria until it like dies of old age because fry's never coming back and then like rick and morty when when they're uh if you haven't seen it yet like this isn't going to spoil anything but when they find their bodies and they're like they have to restart their life like in a new reality it's it's not so much like weepy cry but it's like the little sad song at the end is like yeah yeah this is really fucked up like right looking in to a different like room

and rick just doesn't give a shit and morty's just has to like say hi to his imbecile dad like everything's okay like that show is so great great yeah that ricky morty thing like every so often some really horrific stuff goes down yeah it's horrible and rick what about when rick's unimpacted the clone of him that was an infant with a fucking axe like he slashed up like five clones of himself from like every developmental stage with a fucking axe dude when the gruesome apparently morty's in pain can serve as some sort of like stealth protection on a building cloaking device so they take morty's and cover this like giant dome and they just like poke him in the abdomen with a needle if i remember this right am i getting it they just didn't like that the morning oh my god it hurts so bad

and and he's like you know he's like oh my god what is he doing i don't know it only takes like 10 of them to protect this whole building it's hundreds he's like he's just a sadistic fuck and oh it was great oh God. So Rick, like some of these other shows have, in my head, are just so much like they're both deeper and funnier. And like the highs are higher, the lows are lower compared to South Park, which is just like, you know, buckle up, buckaroo, you know. That was hilarious. I love that.

I like, another thing I like about Rick and Morty is every so often in the episodes, when it'll just show a silent, dark room, and then he bursts in just like, Morty, Morty, we gotta go! And just yelling at him and spilling booze all over himself. And it's like a reminder of like, oh yeah, this is funny, but this guy's a lonely alcoholic who just needs somebody to be with him. And every so often you'll run across a person in your life who just doesn't care about anything but himself.

He's just a fucking sociopath who views the world as a place to extract resources from. And that's Rick. Even the people closest to him, like like morty he mostly doesn't give a fuck about all the time uh he just needs him to like hold the door for him or something yeah not even doesn't give a fuck he actively sabotages him all the time oh yeah you gotta shove him way up your ass morty like get him up there i uh i think it's gonna be a while before we get the next season but i'm looking forward to it. Those things are like candy.

You go through them so quick. When I discovered that first season, for some reason I had it confused with something else. I thought there were seven seasons of that shit. I went through that first season and was like, ah, they're all gone. I think I bought the second season. People will tell me to go to CartoonNetwork.com

but I'm not watching that shit on my laptop. I want to watch it on my TV. I'll just pay the second season. People will tell me to go to CartoonNetwork.com or something, but I'm not watching that shit on my laptop. I want to watch it on my TV. I'll just pay the $20. I kind of sped through them because it was getting a lot of attention on Reddit, and I didn't want it spoiled for me. Sometimes jerks do that. They just send endings to me on Reddit. It's like, dicks.

Every once in a while, it's almost like a weird jerk reaction of every time i see a show that reddit just loves i'm always like that show sucks like i haven't seen it but it probably sucks like the only time i checked one out that they just have such a boner over was community i don't know if you've heard of that show i know i haven't watched it watched a couple episodes i did not care for it i didn't think it was good you know and so when i saw them jerking off on rick and morty i thought it would be shitty, but it's top-notch. I do a similar contrarian

but opposite thing. Whenever somebody hates somebody, oftentimes, I'm that guy's friend. Everyone in the world is picking on this dude. The UFC world all hates Tim Kennedy. He's one of my favorites. I think you're all wrong about him.

I think he's hilarious. I think that he's clean. I think you're all wrong about him. I think he's hilarious. I think that he's clean. I think that he's everything I want in a fighter. And you guys all hate him, but I think you're wrong. It's fun to be contrarian on the internet. Like if all of them hated Bernie, I'd be first in line like,

yeah, fucking Bernie. Dude, politics has gotten cool lately. So like Bernieers was a wicko left wing whatever whatever a couple months ago and while his positions haven't changed in my exposure his odds have like it it really seems like he might win iowa and he's definitely going to win New Hampshire. And headed into South Carolina, they might look at him, that's the Iowa caucuses,

which is a weird way of voting, I barely understand. Then there's the New Hampshire primaries where they vote. And then South Carolina where Hillary has a big lead. Well, people might look at Bernie in an entirely different way if he wins the first two states, and it seems really possible. Yeah.

It's shaping up to be a real disaster of a political year. Like these four candidates, it's basically four I feel like that are left hanging around, right? Some might say five. I would say in the Republican side, obviously Trump. And then I don't know if your other one in your head was cruiser rubio but it's cruise okay but but i but i guess that's you're right probably should include them both i i can't imagine them not giving trump the nomination at this point can you like like how can they not i i don't know i feel like i'm not the expert i'd like to be but i keep hearing that these pre-primary polls are notoriously inaccurate.

And then you take that and you line it up with the history that I remember. Like, who's the guy who went like, after he lost, he got third place? Herb Dean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Herb Dean was leading. Howard Dean. He was leading in the polls headed into, I think that was Iowa.

Going to North Dakota and South Dakota! Yeah! They made such a big deal out of that. That bothers me too because it turns into this who's the coolest contest when it should really be about ideas and spirit and integrity and stuff. But he was supposed to win that state and he got third. And that's just testament to what the polls, how bad they can be before these primary elections. Have you noticed that every picture of Bernie Sanders speaking,

like all the action shots everywhere online, every picture of him in the dramatic speech pose, like Trump actually looks intense when he's doing it. Bernie, you could Photoshop a sandwich board that says the N is nigh on him. And it would look totally natural. That frizzy, crazy hair, those big eyes, and his fingers always pointed at you. Someone has got to introduce that guy to some product, right? Like his hair is never in place.

Like he gets fired up and it's just, all right, I guess I'll try and show this. I think our pictures, you think Trump could give him some pointers? No, he's not the guy in hire for that. Trump like hands him a CAD file.

He's like, how do I even open this? Bernie Sanders always looks concerned that one of his caretakers is going to catch him and bring him back to the assisted living facility like just looking at the corners of his eye he looks like a maniac and that photo you just sent it looks like the uh the old at the they're at the old home and the nurse just asked who wanted more pudding yeah that's what it looks like or who just shit themselves outside of the second and third best Republicans, Cruz and Rubio, you've got Hillary, who I think would be 69 when she takes office, maybe 70.

You've got Trump, who would be 70 when he takes office. That I happen to know. And Bernie, who would be 74 when he takes office. Everybody, every serious candidate, it seems, is eligible for Social Security. Yeah. They're genuinely senior citizens. That would be a good way to start a talking point, I feel like, for one of these candidates. To be like, all of us here are eligible for Social Security, but it's not worth it anymore, is it?

Just kind of flow into it like that. I don't know. into it like that i i i don't know i look at um you know they've been showing on reddit a lot like the his first day to the union versus his current one you know presidency not even once which is horseshoe come on dude it hollows those men out like a log every time i mean certainly when you look at lincoln i feel like he aged more than eight years during that eight years. I want to turn the mirror on everyone fussing about his age.

You were, what, 21 at the time? I bet you looked very different at 21. Mirko, what are you, 22 now? I'll be 25 in a couple months. So you were 14? Did I not do that that 24 minus 8 16 16 or 17 yeah well fuck i'm not kyle would think i'm in this is the gif of me like not

getting 120 times 2.5 quickly there's 96 times 2.5 i forget what it was. And I'm like, what the fuck? But anyway, so what? You're 24 now? Eight years ago, you'd be 16. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, I bet you looked wildly different at 16. Look at your beard. I don't think he's a good example.

We should use you as the example. And I think eight years ago, I think you have aged far less in the last eight years and Obama has I don't know I look at pictures of me from like even six years ago when I first started YouTube and think that guy's a lot younger than me you know I I have definitely aged in the last six years and a lot of sometimes you know people will take pokes at me but I again I think think to myself, yeah, but 16 years, I'm sorry, six years ago, you were 13. You know, let's look at pictures of you from 13 to 19,

and tell me that you haven't changed at all. So, you know, that's, you know, like, I feel like people age more in these eight years than they think. I saw this cartoon, there's a little boy sitting in a television at this, really it's cartoon but it you know obviously beautiful woman on tv and then it flashes to him in the next frame at 40 i'll make it up big beer gut fat guy drinking a beer and then she of course is like 60 now all wrinkly it's like what the hell happened to her

yeah look at you you know like people don't turn the mirror on themselves when they see other guys i got some fair criticisms uh as far as she goes though she could have lost a little more weight for that role like mark hamill fucking this was just a cartoon anybody actress but you're talking about leia yeah yeah i think that cartoon you saw was specifically about leia like because think it might have been. She put it on her Twitter. I saw. She could have lost some more weight. And it was so

obvious in every scene with her in it that they were using some really soft focus or something to make her not look as badly as she looks, I guess. Meanwhile, you look at Mark Hamill a couple years prior to now and he was really overweight looked like shit and you know

they said hey you want to be Luke Skywalker again he was like fuck yeah and got in great shape and he doesn't even say a word in that movie you know he got in great shape to look like Luke Skywalker. He did get in great shape for the film I'm not sure did he get in great shape in time for the film though? Because he looked much bigger to me in the movie than he did during like the press tour I don't feel like we see enough of him in the movie to even judge to be completely honest But I'm just basing on what I've seen it with him in the press tour because in the movie, you know I mean, he's just hooded

Cloaked you get like, you know, just his face. They could have CGI'd him onto anything to be 100% honest. That's what they should have done to Princess Leia. What's her name? Carrie Fisher? They should have CGI'd her onto a really sexy hot body. Just like a bad crop on the neck.

Yeah, that'll do it. Lady skin. I'm having a hard time finding the actual cartoon we were talking about but uh is this a star wars cartoon you're talking about no it it's not even star wars related on the surface yeah it's just a kid looking at a beautiful woman on tv and then seeing her 20 years later and saying what happened to her when obviously he fell apart during that same period of time um yeah so maybe kyle will find it but uh uh yeah i looked at obama and he aged whatever i think it might be seven years i keep saying eight but dude we all did everybody did someday some age better than most but he didn't

seem that outrageous to me yeah i don't know maybe it's just that he looked so young when he took office. He really did. And now the gray is out in force. Dominant. Yep, yep. Yeah. He's so young when he took office, and he had all this youthful enthusiasm and such.

There's no top candidates like that. You might argue Rubio, but I don't know. Something about... candidates like that. You might argue Rubio, but I don't, something about, I worry about Rubio being for sale, right? Like all the accusations of him using like state money to buy his family's stuff, him taking loans. I like a president to have a couple million just so they're not so easy to buy. Rubio literally has to shop carefully for his children's jeans.

Well, maybe that's good in some ways. In other ways, I feel like he's crooked. I feel like once you become president, though, you're not on a budget anymore. For the most part, you're going to get what you need most people don't become president for the money and I think Rubio might I don't know it just rubs me the wrong way he just wants the jet that's all

come on baby this is better than air miles that doesn't seem like it I don't know this has been a really entertaining political cycle for sure thus far, and I'm really looking forward to seeing the conclusion, because it's a bit like Game of Thrones. I really don't know who's going to win this thing.

And each, it seems like, its own brand of ridiculous horror, because I feel like Clinton is going to be a real mess. She may actually cause some gun rights issues. Who is she in the equivalent? She's the Lannisters for sure. She seems to be way ahead, despite the fact that she's hated everywhere. They've got tons of money, and

her husband was in charge before her. She's totally a Lannister. Well done, Kyle. Agreed. I think that Bernie Sanders is the Mad King. He's the opposite, though. The Mad King was terrible to his people

and evil-hearted. Bernie Sanders is... Replaced torture with taxes. Bernie Sanders is Meister Ewan from The Wall. He's the Wizard of the Box. Technically, he probably should be in charge by all rights, but for whatever reason, he's just wizard of the box technically he probably should be in charge by all rights but for whatever reason he's just he's just too old now and his his ideas are just way too crazy he's never going to get back into power it's not going to happen i don't i want to know who trump would

be though i feel like oh trump's an up-and-comer but he's got a lot of power yeah it's not dead, so it can't be Robb Stark. Unless he drops out again. But yeah, in any case, I'm probably not going to keep this thing going too well with it drawing the parallels. I feel like we can't match the Hillary parallel. We just started too high. But I love that Trump is in this thing because I feel like while he is a ridiculous candidate, he just is.

He's just ridiculous. He seems like more of an entertainer than anything. But that's why I like him because he's out there being entertaining. I hope that he really fucks up the political process of the most powerful nation in the world this year, and I think he will. He frustrates me. I saw him running against Hillary, right? And he's like, Hillary can't possibly win. Just watch her she's like

Da da da da da da Who'd vote for that Like that's your fucking argument Like that was really what he did Like he just imitated her And it wasn't a terrible imitation Like his facial expression Gave me a Hillary vibe

And uh But he didn't actually Yeah He'll nana nana boo boo your ass on a political stage Hillary vibe. And, but he didn't actually. He's a playground bully. Yeah. I love it. He'll nana nana boo boo your ass on a political stage. Like.

It's crazy. He's, I haven't heard his plans, you know. Well, I guess I have heard his like anti-immigration plans outside of, outside of tapping into like a national frustration with, you know, jobs and wealth or whatever. I, I, I don't hear him outlining what he'll do outside of, we'll put really smart people in here and do great things.

So in his, well, I'm sure we all saw his TV ad by now. And the two things that stood out to me are, you haven't seen it. I don't watch TV. I don't either. Um,

well they put it on the internet as well. I didn't see it on i don't have the rabbit ears i've never seen it um it's his first tv ad that that's why it was kind of a big deal but but he the two things he talks about are the muslims uh and uh immigration he's gonna they're like he will he will build a wall and make mexico pay for it and you know that lines in there and the keeping muslims out of the country uh thing is in there they pushed both of those things really big in like this 30 second ad uh they caught some flack because they show when they talk about immigration they show lots of people fleeing toward a border and crossing illegally but that's footage from morocco but i mean does it really matter like it's it's more of an it's it's more to get a a message across than to be like here are actual mexicans you know you just need some brown people

running for offense that's what he wanted to show you if you hired actors you wouldn't have been so mad i think it's fine it's not like we you're like oh you didn't even have footage for it how do we know it's happening it's like yeah it's happening well he's overstating it right like like he does like look at these immigrants coming in and then they show like running with the bulls you know they actually were immigrants running toward a border in morocco i i don't think that's a big deal because if you were making an anti-gun advert and you showed a person who was a victim of gun violence in Sweden, it still applies here regardless. Because at the root, you're saying, hey, gun violence is bad. And with his commercial, you're saying, hey, illegal immigration is bad.

So I had no problem with it being Moroccans or people running toward a Moroccan border. I don't know which, but they said it was from Morocco. Slippery slope. I thought his TV ad was good, and it definitely plays to his base, which is the people who are ticker, you ticker jerbs kind of folk. And I feel like that's why he's not the typical candidate that might dissolve after a few weeks, a few months,

might lose his support, because his supporters are locked in with him because he's the only one spouting their message and they're digging it. The Republican race in particular... I feel like his entire popularity is almost like a backlash of a certain group, a pretty big group of people who lean conservative

who are just tired of all the little word policing and nitpicky nonsense that people get involved in with it. And even though a lot of the stuff he says is batshit crazy and not feasible, it's like, all right, well, at least I can trust this guy on a level of, like, he's not pulling any punches and he's not in anybody's pocket for the most part.

The PC thing has really turned off. The liberals have gone too far left, and it's particularly the young ones. really turned off the liberals have gone too far left and it's particularly the young ones uh the the yale girl that screamed that she was supposed to have a safe space at college i can hardly express how much i hate that chick right she is a worthless piece of shit and she's at yale for fuck's sake complaining about not being safe enough. I keep pointing to the Steinway Grand Piano in the lobby of her dorm and saying that she doesn't have a safe. What kind of overwhelming censorship do you need before you feel safe? You're afraid someone's going to wear an offensive Halloween costume?

Go fucking jump on a knife. I'm done with her. go fucking jump on a knife. I'm done with her. That kind of like the South Park PC ridiculing where they use their being offended to bully other people, right? The cry bully is the term I see a lot. Way too far, guys.

Way too far. Please keep this in the realm of the reasonable. And the conservatives make the same mistake, but I didn't feel like the liberal side did this 10 years ago whereas now it seems to be an accurate representation of at least young liberals seems like it's accelerated quickly even from like uh like my brother who's high school age like the shit he'll even tell me stuff about like oh yeah we had a uh like conference today about you know rape culture or something and it's like what like

i'm not i'm eight years older than you and this was not happening when when i was there i don't like the rape culture thing like i i so here's the deal is the rape rape? Yes. That's a thing. And it's terrible and it's awful. And I get that. But to say we have a rape culture, like there are other cultures in the Middle East, if I have my facts right, has something of a rape culture where, you know, a guy rapes a woman and the woman is held responsible for it.

She's the one being stoned to death for adultery, even though she's a victim of rape. That's a rape culture and it's a problem. In America, nobody celebrates rapists. Nobody looks the other way on a rape charge. No one says like, oh, did you rape her? Sweet dude. It's considered worse than murder.

Unless the rapist is a woman, of course. Okay. But in terms of guys, and that's all they're focused on, right? They're trying to make sure that guys know it's not okay to rape because they act as if there was some kind of gray area on that, as if guys thought, you know, is rape cool?

Is that like getting laid, crushing pushy? You know, is that what rape is? No, dude. And no one thinks that. And it's not a problem in our society. There's no encouragement. When we find rapists, we lock them up for a long time. That's what we do with them.

And the other people in prison look at them as if they're the lowest kind of prisoners. There's no rape culture. It's not celebrated. It's not okay. So back the fuck off on your victim crybaby bullshit. I need you to give me a definitive consent right here. You just signed that it's okay for me to pound your puss. That's South Park reference for those who didn't get it.

But anyway, crush your pussy, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because P.C. stands for pussy crushing. But anyway, yeah, yeah yeah so the rape culture thing no no there are places with the rape culture problem america's not one of them we hate rapists here prison there's another one with that problem like a real culture of that yeah yeah no one no one's speaking up for those poor guys in there like the accountant who's getting raped every day by some dude in prison no one's no one's crying up for those poor guys in there, like the accountant who's getting raped every day by some dude in prison.

No one's crying out for his pain. Very few. I hate the current politically correct climate. You don't see it as much where I am, I feel like. I feel like if I had to interact with, let's say, an office environment somewhere, I might feel it more. But generally, when i'm interacting with people they're just kind of scoff at that sort of thing laugh at it and then drop a

slur that's it so when every so often i'll travel in my grandparents house every so often i'll travel in the like i'll go to a gun show or something and they're just like fuck obama right yeah and it's like i need a safe space yeah yeah do it you know you gotta buy me a box of ammo now yeah yeah it's uh i don't know politically i fit in a space where i mostly feel alone you know like backlash is coming primarily from people, I think. The whole word policing thing of like, most people aren't bad people.

If they say an off-color joke or they say something shitty, most people are smart enough to figure out what's said in jest and what is said maliciously with the intent of hurting someone. And most people are just tired of, by default being like oh no you're you're a malicious piece of shit you know what you did you were thinking about it the whole time taking advantage of oppressing people my god when really it's like no i was just joking around i was just saying something it's not offensive quit taking offense on behalf of others and ascribing all responsibility to me while just patting your little pet minorities on the head.

Quit loving being offended, right? Like, oh, he offended me. Fucking sweet. Now I'm in a position of power. Hey, Taylor, I'm going to fucking extract an apology from you. You offended me. What are you going to do about that, huh? I'm sitting here.

I remain offended until you lay it out there for me. Let me know. Sorry know should I trigger you yeah Civ 5 that's my trigger I'd be up for some Civ 5 Civ 6 is coming out next year oh sweet a proper sequel not that

beyond earth trash they released last year so they're going back to Earth and... I have no idea what the premise of the next game is, but that other thing was just some kind of bullshit expansion, I think from a different publisher, maybe. But I could be completely wrong about all that. I know it was bullshit. It was a terrible game that

we all hated. I'm glad I resisted the siren call from you and Cheers to Buy It. I mean, I like modding the game that you've got in place already. I think the Civ V mods are plenty of fun. You don't need to go into space and grow fucking crystals or whatever the fuck that gay shit is. It's so lame.

It's terrible. The things about Civ that's nice is I got a rough idea of history. I'm no expert, but I just kind of get who's who and what they were good at and probably where they'll be strong. It makes sense to me. You know, what continent at the very least that they're from, that sort of thing. Yeah, but when you go to space, all of a sudden you're like,

well, should I put crystals on my tech tree? I don't come with any basic knowledge of how to play the game. Yeah, that was lame too. I like that it's kind of cool when you're playing as the egyptians or uh the romans or something like that i like that aspect of the game oh the japanese give you some maritime bonuses right i think they start with the ship you instantly like you don't even have to research on that and might do i have this right uh they i think they get more food from sea tiles um they've got some... Is there less research to do having to do with navigation from them?

I'm getting triggered. I might be mixing up with... In Civ Rev, I think I'm right about these things. I might be wrong for Civ V. But anyway, we'll wrap up the Civ talk. Yeah, yeah. Some of the core mechanics make sense to me and it's easy to remember

when as you go to space, and it's easy to remember when, as you go to space, it's all freshly new. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I definitely agree with that. But politics, it's going to get really interesting in the next two weeks. They're going to start voting. Leads start to matter a little more. If you go back four years, Herman Cain's on top.

Who's that Texas governor guy? Rick Perry was on top. The Republican side in particular seems to try out different candidates with the lead. It's like a revolving door of people over there constantly throwing new ones out there. Yeah, whereas the Democrats tend to be, I want to say, more stable. I mean, obviously, if you go back eight years, the Obama-Hillary thing wasn't that stable. But I don't know. It's not like they've got six guys

who hold the lead at any given point, whereas the Republicans, they tend to try people out, not like them, and then try someone else out. I saw that Biden said he regretted staying out of the race now. He did. You know, that was my pick. Months and months ago, I was saying

that Biden was going to be our next president before his son died. No way he would beat Hillary. I don't know. I liked Biden the most. The thing is I like a lot of people, and then once they're exposed to the harsh spotlight of first place, sometimes I like them less. I think that happens on the Republican side a ton. Biden, to me, is my favorite guy.

I wish he was in the race. And it wore O'Malley. I Republican side a ton. Biden, to me, is my favorite guy. I wish he was in the race. And it wore O'Malley. I like him a lot. But these are all people that didn't get first-placed hate. He's got the military record. Is that correct, O'Malley? I don't know. I know Jim Webb did.

Is he the Democrat who's in third place? Oh. I just remember one of the debates. I thought he was the third Democrat. I thought that was the guy who had the military I thought he was the third Democrat. I thought that was the guy who had the military. He is the third Democrat. I just think of Jim Webb as the Democrat military guy. I don't know if O'Malley is too.

I'm thinking of a debate I saw a couple of months back or something like that. He looked very military. He was still standing at attention over there with a big square head. All this to me screams Jim Webb. Still looks a little shell-shocked. Jim Webb, yeah, he's shell-shocked, uncomfortable. I like when ex-military

politicians start talking about obviously they want to push that as one of their qualifications for their own stage. They start talking about what they do to the enemy. They kind of do a thing where they're like, you don't even want to know what i do it's so bad you ever been to nam boy like you just know he's ready to like snap and start telling you about crawling through rat holes with a knife in his teeth and a 1911 in his other hand what isis does to goats that's what i do to isis

ah rape that's the culture yep um so yeah i i still don't know i guess clinton you know if you're if i'm a betting man i would go clinton and then i would say the second most likely who's second most likely do you think uh would you say you're talking about trump versus bernie right yeah yeah trump versus bernie or perhaps a Cruz or someone like that. I think Trump, I don't know what it's going to be. And I know nothing has stumped him so far. But I think eventually something will take traction. You know, he'll say the wrong thing.

Something will come from his history. He just can't be stumped. Can't be stumped. Thus far, you're right but gosh i i just can't imagine a world where like he just keeps getting away with it he you can only be in a standard caught in a lie like that like he always gets caught in lies but he plays it off like it's other politicians will be like i did not do that and they'll be like well we have evidence right here that you did and i'll be like well you know when i right here that you did. And they'll be like, well, you know, when I was doing that,

I was thinking of foreign policy. And the thing about foreign policy is it's like they misdirect it. With Trump, they'll be like, you said this about Mexicans. I never said that. I would never say that. He's like, you said right here, I really, really hate those Mexicans. And he's like, well, you know, when you're wrong, you're wrong. You got me. You know how I feel, and I've made it clear. He's not, well, you know, when you're wrong, you're wrong. You got me. You know how I feel, and I've made it clear.

He's not stumped. You walk away not sure if he still hates the Mexicans or not. He played into it so much. I can't tell if he was being serious. At some point, Trump is going to be like, you know, oh, you know ISIL? I'd fucking stop him from screaming. And that's going to be in the attack ads against him and stuff.

And Trump, the extra contrast making the scream. Something is going to get him. He'll immediately win Kentucky, Tennessee, Missouri. He'd win that on the basketball ticket. Wait, they need to get him out on a gun range somewhere shooting some heavy machine. I think if you had some video of him shooting a machine gun or something, I think that would play to a lot of this base. Yeah, Stogie.

Get out there with some other politician who's kind of like smeared between the lines. Get Schwarzenegger out there. That's what he should do. He should get Schwarzenegger on his team. That would do the trick. That's actually a great idea. He could pay his way into the Expendables 4.

Oh, shit. Yeah. I would watch that. I would watch Expendables 4 if it had Donald Trump in it. Trump is really on several WWE shows. I think even somewhat recently. I love that. I know.

We've all seen the gif of him taking Vince McMahon out. He runs in, kind of clotheslines him, takes him to the ground, puts a few pop knots on the side of his head, a couple of these, and then gets up and walks away. Yeah, that's what happens when you mess with the Trump. He just kind of walks out. I think the guy was over 68 in that clip. It looks pretty current.

He committed. He took him down to the mat, got on top of him, a little fake-ass ground and pound. It was great. It came off really good. I'd love to see him do that on the political stage, like if he really lost in a debate. He just tackles his opponent and beats him up. Dude, I'm looking at Trump WWE. There's so much WWE footage of Trump, I can't find the right one.

He's shameless. No other candidate has that in his repertoire. No. I can't find the right one. He's just there fighting with people all the time. Shaved Vince McMahon's head. I didn't know he shaved Vince McMahon's head. That's great.

How humiliating. Imagine if Bernie tried to do that. He'd just explode into dust like that guy in the Ark of the Covenant. You know how everyone makes fun of Bernie's messed up hair? I'd love to see him in a Trump wig. Just like an over-the-top

big, huge Trump wig. It'd be fantastic. I think we should probably close down political talk but I will say that whatever happens in the Iowa caucuses and the New Hampshire primary or whatever the fuck if he not only beats her but beats her badly

and you start seeing the numbers slip on the national polls a little bit, a point or two he could win South Carolina, this is going to be cool to see. I hate her so much that I'm okay with her, with anything that makes her crash. I feel like there are a number of Republicans in the center who would be swayed to vote for Bernie, but I have yet to ever meet a Republican in my entire life. And I'm exposed to a lot of people who say, yeah, you know what? Maybe Hillary. I think I could go Hillary. You know, Trump or Hillary. One of those

two. No. No one switches for Hillary. Zero. She's very unlikeable. Very polarizing. They talk about what a manufactured candidate she is, right? And by that they mean, and I guess it happens with politics.

It even happens with YouTube a little, where you sit there and you know that your words are going to be parsed and used against you. Everything you say and do is being recorded and analyzed, right? And some of the times politicians react to that by just being so disingenuous. In the middle of the road and just vanilla and never getting definitive answers. They asked Hillary Clinton what her favorite ice cream flavor was. And she's like, oh, favorite. You know, I just like them all so much. Cosmopolitan?

Yeah. Fuck you. You like all the ice cream flavors. Jesus fucking Christ, you unlikable cunt. What's your favorite ice cream? You know, fuck you. You like all the ice cream flavors. Jesus fucking Christ, you unlikable cunt. What's your favorite ice cream? You know, it changes. What did they think she was going to say? Something like an offensive ice cream?

Right. I like Gookberry. Okay, Rocky Road. I like Rocky Road a lot. Cherry Garcia. I'll pick Rocky Road. It's fine. Some of the s'mores ones I've been into lately little delicious bites of marshmallows

stuck in there I think it's cool but mint chocolate chip if you wanted me to do a classic that I'll still like 10 years from now I would like to try that I've heard it's incredible I don't think I've had it but yeah Al Gore

when he ran, you guys are probably young, but he was just so stiff and wooden, and I can kind of see how that happens to a guy. When he knows that everything he says and does is being dissected and used against him, he kind of freezes up and doesn't give you much to work with. Now, he's hilarious.

He's cracking jokes. He yells during TED Talks from the audience, and they're like, if that was you during the campaign you'd be president hillary i don't know she'll look any better after this campaign but she's just hard to like she's just a she no redeeming qualities in my opinion you see her on ellen degeneres doing the nana is that what she was doing the nana the nana yeah no she was doing the dance the dab yeah she was learning to do the dab i didn't see it but i heard stern mock it and so that gave me a good enough mental uh picture such a lack of like self-confidence

such like dude you're fucking dance you know you're on there rocket bitch she's and like like so i'm certainly not on the cutting edge of urban dance, but dabs, from what I understand, that's marijuana concentrate. I'm wondering if the dance, the dab, or doing the dab, has anything to do

with the drug culture referring to that somehow. If so, I wonder if she has any fucking clue. What else could it be be if not that? Like the only time I've ever heard... Anything else that a dab refers to. Yeah, a dab is either what your mom does to clean your mouth up when you're three

or it's drugs. Yeah, they turn pot into like almost like even drier molasses. Yeah. And you smoke that shit. Well, is this part of the dance? Because if not, it's probably about pot.

Yeah. Didn't you hate that? Did your mom ever do that to you when you were little? Like, do the whole, like, lick your finger and, like, rub stuff off? Way too rough. Yeah, way too rough. Yeah. I don't get that.

My mom would, like, I'm wounded afterwards. Yeah. I don't get that. My mom would like, I'm wounded afterwards. Yeah. Scrubbing with her. Oh, no. This nice red blotch on my face will distract them from the little bit of shit left on me from where you scrubbed with your saliva. I smell like your breath now. I was always a pretty clean eater because I remember I went to Boy Scouts with this kid

named Brett Miller who couldn't fucking eat even though he was like i don't know how old were we nine ten however old fucking boy scouts are but like this kid would eat him eat a sandwich and it would get like on his temple and like in his hair and shit i just remember we ate s'mores at a cookout at a uh like a campout type thing one time and he had marshmallow behind his ear. It's like, how did you manage this? He'd get it all over himself. And I just remember thinking that that was so embarrassing.

Even as a 10 year old, that I was like, let me get a napkin going here. Let me just make sure I don't look like Brett fucking Miller. Friend in high school with that issue. Phil, he was my good friend too. Phil, I love you, man.

But like we make, it was the peer pressure from us that got him to clean up his act. He'd eat pizza. He'd have like shit on his forehead. He'd drink like a red juice. You left with a mustache afterwards. I hate that.

Yeah. And it's like, dude, you were way too old to be rocking juice mustaches. Like we're in a high school, man. Like what is it? It is like,

how did pizza get here how did pizza get here like if it was here it was three cheese i can kind of see that but like what what are you doing with your pizza that it gets up by your eyes it's crazy i don't know and it's like they get it on their hands and they don't realize it's on their hands and they're like rubbing their ears and shit it's like it just they just don't i and i don't know how you do that because like i don't know i guess maybe i'm just more aware of that sort of They just don't... I don't know how you do that because I don't know. I guess maybe I'm just more aware of that sort of thing. I don't want to embarrass myself

in public. I don't want to be on a date with spinach in my teeth or something like that. I always wipe my fucking mouth. When I grew my beard out, I did have a little challenge with the mustache. Sometimes when I drank, I would be dipping the tip of my beard in my mustache. Yeah, I trimmed that up today the

all of it and then the mustache because every every couple weeks it just begins to encroach to where you don't have an upper lip anymore and it just curls into your mouth yeah i don't like that oh uh that you guys talking about food i don't know where this came from it reminded me i went to the sports camp when i was like i guess 14 and it was like it was a religious camp but they like it was a sports camp but they like tied in god to it somehow where it was like hey you know go do your sports and like because i was on the hockey section we go play hockey there's a football section basketball everybody broke and did their shit and then they came back and like gave us some half-assed Bible study of like, you know, you got to work as a team just like Christ in Matthew 6.10.

It's like, oh, Jesus Christ. But there was this kid, for some reason they let a kid with Down syndrome into the camp. He wasn't like running around doing anything bad, but every day at lunch, him and his handler, who helped him out go to all the different sports and whatnot that he could participate in, would sit down with him and be like, now you have to eat all of your food before we can go.

You have to eat all your food. And the kid would always be throwing a fit and not wanting to eat it. And one of the days that the handler was like, all right, you're not getting up and you're not going to play basketball until all of this food is done. And it was like a chicken patty fried with some green beans. And he came back later and the kid had eaten all of it and was like holding his stomach, like making noises. And you look at the chicken patty.

The outside is completely crisp, like a chicken breast that's fried should be. The inside is 100% pink rare chicken that she made this kid sit there and eat over the course of like half an hour. He just wanted to go play sports. He's like, no, Alex, Alex, you're're gonna eat your chicken or you can't play basketball so she made this kid with down syndrome eat a bunch of raw chicken and he couldn't end up doing anything because he i think he got salmonella i hate her he died he died he passed away you know reincarnated as uh employee's potential kid.

Yeah, I did this. I used to be in a group called Spy, St. Peter's Youth. And I was really in it just because they'd preach to us, which to me felt a lot like detention. And then afterwards, we'd do cool shit like dodgeball or tug-of-war or whatever. That was the part that I liked the most. And we eventually went away on this like retreat camp thing. And there were good parts of it,

hanging out with other people. One of the guys was like an ex-Marine or something. And he taught us like how to jump off high walls. I remember that made a big impression of me. You know, you jump off a wall and you kind of like collapse and roll out of it. Not, I can't say I'm good at it, but they taught us how to do it.

And I thought that was really, really cool. But then they'd mix in all this religious shit. And that was like the price you had to pay that you just like horrible. Yeah. Yeah. The guy, he would like sing popular songs like from the radio,

but inject God shit into it. And it's like, Oh yeah, dude, this is is like this we all love this song and then you know he'd just be like you know it put some god lyrics in there we're like what you fucked up the song like you were doing so good we were all starting to like you i know exactly exactly what you're talking about we were in different eras so different songs but like like uh i guess n or backstreet boys okay when i was at all those camps and so they would start off like a backstreet boys but like a shitty church band version where it's like all right nobody's really skilled up there you're trying and then they break into it and it would just be all about jesus and his love pouring forth or something and it was like oh like now i'm just yeah that was i think

that was my first ever cringe internally and like even then knowing like i'm i'm 12 and i'm cringing really hard for these adults like something's wrong here this can't be right if i'm being like i had to go to this thing called super wow when i was like 12 which was some sort of church event does wow stand for something it might i don't know um i didn't really pay too much attention while i was there they uh i don't even know how i got into it i didn't go to church um but i had a friend who went to church and they said they were going to on this trip to jekyll island and they were like yeah it's. We have water gun fights and we go to the water park and we, we hang out on the beach.

And he, but then he kind of trails off and never mentioned the part where we go to a mega church for like four hours a day. And that's what it was. We get there and it's like buses from around the Southeast have, have like congregated at this place. They call it. And it's a mega mega church i'm in one of those huge auditoriums like ushers should be on stage like

lap dancing some some drunk chick but instead it's like every day it's it's this guy and this girl putting on like short skits that teach you about life like anti-drug anti-sex shit like that and then after each skit the motherfuckers will break out the guitar and start doing some acoustic covers of pop songs and gospel songs. And there was some Christian rock, and there's big jumbo screens. Super lame. Super lame. Worst trip ever.

I think I had to work to pay for that trip. I remember that. You had to help the church for every Saturday like do these cookout plates that they did they do like a massive barbecue and i'm out there like basting chicken or something under the under the heat thinking those water gun fights are going to be great we'll all get a super i got there i was the only one with a water gun it was so fucking did you win even worse i i squirted a guy and he got all pissed like like like because you know i used hot water and i added soap to burn his eyes and i i was serious about that water gun fight nobody else wanted to play with me why'd you get that serious when you're the only one with

the gun yeah they really hyped me up about it beforehand and i was just raring what are you doing don't worry it's no tears like a maniac do you have any good camp stories of like pranks shit like that i know i've got a couple i'm trying to think mine are all the classics i i always sucked at those games like it we'd go in the the campfires and they'd chant, O-wa-ta-na-si-am. Are you familiar with this? No? Yeah. So basically, there's a group of people who know what O-wa-ta-na-si-am is

and a group of people that don't. And everyone starts off in the don't who's like a noob, you know, who doesn't know. And then people are like putting it together. Like, ah, I've got it. I know what O-W-A-T-A-N-A-S-I-A-M is. And, uh, and I'm just like, like the dumbest kid at the campfire. There's like me and some child drooling on himself. Like, I still don't get it. I don't know what's happening here. And, uh, you have to like whisper into whatever whatever some knowing guy's ear once you've figured it out.

And spoiler for you guys, you have to tell the guy, oh, what an ass I am. That's what it is. And yeah, that sort of thing happened. They sent me off for a left-handed smoke shifter. Are you familiar with this? Yeah, that's an old bit. Whenever you're new somewhere, they'll send you off for a non-existent item. Oh, like snipe hunting?

Much like snipe hunting. But the difference is in snipe hunting, you just go off in the woods and look for snipes. With a left-handed smoke shifter, you're required to go from, and the thing is, smoke is not blowing in the direction they want it to blow, so you need to get a left-handed smoke shifter. And I would go from campsite to campsite to campsite walking like seven miles because it's not like they're right on top of

each other like you're asking like do you guys have a left-handed smoke shifter i'm looking everywhere and these fucking dicks rather than just let me in on the secret that that's not an existent thing would just be like nope maybe those guys got one and i'll just keep on hiking i guess and uh you know hours yeah i'm thankful i didn't get raped during the episode going from strange campsite to campsite in the woods at the car dealership we would tell the new guys to to go to the service department and get us some uh some some blinker fluid they fell for that oh yeah? I feel like that one's so classic. It's in blinker fluid. It's like a trade-in or whatever.

Like, look, how are you going to sell this? It's out of blinker fluid. Go get some more. Tell Big Mike in service. He'll hook you up. At McDonald's, where I worked for a week when I was 15 once, even though I'd been there a week, I guess I wasn't stupid enough to be tricked into this,

so I was in on the joke. But they sent the guy to go get the pickles for the Big Mac sauce. Like, yeah, you got to dice them up. And he's looking everywhere for these fancy Big Mac sauce pickles. So that's a pretty common one, sending someone for something that doesn't exist. What was I going to say? Oh, you mentioned working at McDonald's for a week. So my father, was it gonna oh you mentioned working at mcdonald's for a week so my father when he told the stories of us about his childhood it was always in the most positive like legendary aspects my father had a paper route right and you think oh paper route but no he took it to the extreme like whenever a new route opened up he'd take that one on too and he'd just get more and more paper routes and um it got to be that he was like the paper route like i don't know don of kingpin yeah of gloucester city new jersey

and uh and you know he started like so he had so many paper routes that he took on that he would sublet them out to other kids and you know you know, be like, all right, you deliver this. And he'd just take whatever, I don't know what, but some percentage of the profits. So now, like, he's in charge of the paper route, but he has minions under him who actually send the papers from place to place. And this is my father, the entrepreneur, right? Always a winner.

So then I talked to his mom about it. And she's like, oh, yeah, the paper routes. He tried work once real he tried real work once it didn't suit him and i'm like what dad dad you never told me about this apparently he had a job working at like a general store or something whatever they worked at back in the 1400s and uh he had to sweep the floors and he didn't sweeping, and he quit within a few days. And it was so awesome to talk to his mom about his experience compared to himself. You were getting the behind the scenes.

Yeah. He wouldn't have admitted. Yeah. He never told me he worked for like, I don't know, they sold like candy and stuff. I picture it like, you know, pharmaceutical stores from the 30s or something. He wasn't even born then. And yeah, he couldn't even born then and uh yeah he couldn't do it i didn't know that kyle worked at mcdonald's for a week so you have as much

mcdonald's experience as i had no you had more mcdonald's experience than i had ben and jerry's experience oh yeah like like in that week i did a lot like if i walked in like i i did everything there is to do at a mcdonald's uh i never took, I take that back, I never took the orders or handled cash, but all the behind-the-scenes stuff, so I made nuggets, I made burgers, like, I cooked them. I assembled sandwiches on the line, you know, and boxed them and slid them on down and everything. You know, made apple pies, made all the things that you cook,

I did at one time or another. Was it awful? It was a terrible job. Yeah job yeah it was terrible job uh very dirty back there i can remember taking the trash out and having like this gross slime on my hands and uh telling my manager i needed to wash my hands but him being like no you got to get on the line and just being like but my hands him like the line and i just made burgers with the most filthy hands imaginable because he told me disgusting i mean i had it was garbage slime you know when that water smells really bad and it just probably got salmonella in it i i know a lot of people i've met people in my life that owning a restaurant is their dream job

right you know they know it's long hours they know it's hard but the restaurant is is the peak of what they wish they could do not me man i i used to work at a little grill and the restaurant is the peak of what they wish they could do. Not me, man. I used to work at a little grill, and the garbage was the worst part of it. I was low man on the totem pole, and I would have to handle that. And I wasn't very strong, so handling the garbage was, like, the peak of what I could do physically. And it was just such a freaking nightmare. And there's nothing grosser than restaurant garbage for me. I mean, it's

just so bad. Does any other organization produce worse garbage? Nursing home. Okay. Alright, well, check made. It's just a matter of being better packaged. If you're once in a while, there's a person in there. We had a big

issue. The garbage is always leaky and stuff. We had to transport the whole can to the dumpster. Because if you were to grab the bag and carry that to the dumpster, it would leak across the boardwalk and you don't want that. I had a wheelbarrow. A wheelbarrow? Yeah. A little McDonald's garbage?

Yeah. There would be multiple bags, probably four to five big bags, like the big 50-something gallon ones. And you'd throw them in the wheelbarrow and wheel it across the parking lot to one of those sort of enclosed dumpster situations and then bag by bag throw it in there. And I don't know, even at 15, I was about six feet tall, so they would make me do that shit

because a lot of times it would just be me working with a bunch of girls or me working with a bunch of girls and that retarded guy they allowed to sweep the parking lot or some shit like that. I thought it was going to be a fun job. I had a couple friends that were working there and I thought, oh yeah, we'll be like, you know, singing songs while we throw pickles at each other. But no, it was just super lame. My boss was such a goober.

Like I was cooler than him even as a 15 year old working at McDonald's and I knew it. He was just, he had married into that McDonald's family. The lady who actually owns the franchise, right? He had married her daughter so he had married into a little local Mickey D's royalty and he thought

he was hot shit. Yeah, right? The money fountain has turned on for you, my friend. No, no, no, the nuggets are on me. Dude. I stole so much food. I would always, like, I don't even like McDonald's nuggets, but they were there and they were free.

So I would have packets. They weren't free. You stole them. Yeah, they were free for me. So I'd have, like, packets of nugget sauce, like, open, kind of, like, tucked around behind shit, and I would just be, like, eating nuggets all the time. Or and i would just be like eating nuggets all the time or sometimes i would just grab a whole meat patty and and like just just just i just thought

it was great to steal the food so anytime i got a chance to steal some food i would do it i'd uh i would bake like two or three cherry pies and then go in the freezer and like fucking eat three cherry pies as fast as i could shit like that i had a hook up at your face like your star like oliver twist in the back hoping they don't catch you as you're shit like that. I had a hookup at McDonald's. Like Oliver Twist in the back, hoping they don't catch you as you're slaving of raw stuff. I had a friend who worked at McDonald's and he worked the drive-thru.

Big, strong guy. And we'd go and we'd order like a small fry, you know, and back in the day, a small fry was like 50 cents or something. And then he'd give us like $21 worth of food. You know, he'd just like, you know, it's oh it just like bag

after bag after bag and it's like like how far is this gonna go and uh and then you know you did and i'm over two quarters and i guess we're even i told you guys about my friend from buffalo wildlings right yes you ruined the uh i wouldn't know the the story where the waitress fucked up. So maybe not. Tell us. No, just all the stealing of food reminded me of this. When I was a freshman in college, someone I knew from my dorm worked at the Buffalo Wild Wings near campus.

And he didn't work there all the time. And eventually it got to the point where he was like, you know what, fuck this. I'm not making good money. I'm only going when there's no games on because I'm a student. I want to watch the games for real. So I'm just going to quit.

And we're like, all right, cool. And so he quit. And his last night, he came back with, it must have been 20 pounds of boneless wings in the plastic bags and a 10, like not 10, like a five-gallon giant plastic pouch of honey barbecue sauce nice and so he was a rushing a fraternity at the time and everybody fucking loved him because he just was like hey i got enough fucking honey barbecue wings for the next three weeks and if you look it up on their

menu that's like 400 of wings or something ludicrous that he stole and i guess he i was like how'd you how'd you get that out of there Like, did you just sneak it out or what'd you do? He's like, no, they got in the refrigerator, they got a huge bag of wings and then a big bag of sauce. And so I just said bye to my boss. And then I walked back there and took him and walked to my car. We were like, there was no plan. And he's like, no, I didn't really even think it through

until I got back to campus. And I was like, no, I didn't really even think it through until I got back to campus. And I was like, God, I'm a fucking idiot. So there was definitely no lock and key on the food at McDonald's. There just wasn't any good food at McDonald's to steal. I didn't want to take any of that home. But I did remember, you get a free meal.

So I would make my own meal. And I would make a Big Mac, but I liked their grilled chicken breast. I thought that was the actual best thing on the menu because it was tasty and I'd make like a double, I'd make a grilled chicken Big Mac. I always like coming up with like magical, I just make stuff, just add stuff to it. I definitely ate more, I ate more than they paid me. Like they were paying me whatever it was, $5.15 an hour or something like that. And I was eating like $8 worth of shit an hour.

I had to be. That's a feat at McDonald's to out-eat them. Especially old school. Did you see the Reddit post of McDonald's Next or whatever they're calling it? Yeah, yeah. It's so silly. It looked amazing. It was a really seemingly high-end buffet McDonald's experience with an amazing salad bar.

They were really changing their image. It was nothing like the McDonald's that I have in my head. That's not – because they're not doing as well as they used to. I think they've had bad numbers the last few years, so they're trying to figure something out. I know they just released some sort of new like dollar deal thing where you can get like four or five items for like $4 or something like that. I think it's like five things for $4, something like that. So they're really reaching. But going high end is not their – I feel like people dog on McDonald's so hard that they need to totally make it like the opposite.

Like gosh, I've been telling this story a lot recently, but to tell it quickly, when I first worked at Cisco, I used to kind of, I don't want to say disrespect my manager, but I would maybe point out their stupidity. Like I was much smarter than my managers. And every little thing they did, did i just kind of poke at like if it's wednesday and they're like so two days from now that'll be um um and i all i need to do is like make a look like like you're seriously struggling to figure out friday is two days from

wednesday that kind of shit i do constantly like they just make little mistakes and i wouldn't let it slide eventually they counseled me to fix it and I did. But it took forever for people to notice the change. I was frustrated by that. They're like, yeah, well, you know, you like to poke at your managers. I'm like, no, I stopped. I stopped six weeks ago. Were you the resident badass on the floor at Cisco where like you're walking by and Pajit or whatever his name is.

He does not give a fuck what the manager says. He's crazy. Just watch him sometime. He says all of these things i cannot believe it it was pretty cool it was the dot-com boom and engineers were like every bit as valuable as you know their bosses were uh and uh and i maybe took advantage of that but anyway so i cleaned up my act i started being really good and six weeks later it was like i still had this reputation for being a douche at mcdonald's i feel like they've got a similar type thing. They are the – McJob is a thing.

No one says like Job King or Wendy Job or whatever it is. It's McJob. That's like the job that everyone makes fun of. I think they have to pay extra just to get people to choose them over Wendy's. If they want to clean up their dietary act and make it healthier, they need to go extreme. People think of McDonald's as the food that makes you fast, right? The supersize me thing was based on McDonald's. Everybody freaking throws darts at McDonald's, maybe deservedly, but to fix it,ald's can't just be as good for you as wendy's which is not that good they

need to be as good for you as whole foods or something have you walked down mcdonald's recently like the redone ones like i haven't been to a shitty mcdonald's like can't even remember how long all of them are nice if you go in on the inside i don't yeah i don't know i just in my heart i just kind of looked down on mcdonald's and say like i wouldn't eat at a place like that like this temple here gets better food than that but i might be off yeah wendy's right chick-fil-a it's better chick-fil-a is infinitely better than mcdonald's on for the quality it's gotta be i think i'm the only guy that still holds a grudge on their like christian anti-gay hate bigotry like even my daughter who's who you think would be very stick to her guns about that sort of thing a little fickle when it comes to that hate chicken like those bigots make

a good sandwich that's what i said look if they had yeah go ahead they could literally be grinding gays up to make that chicken and i would still eat it that chicken is so fucking good it's sweet almost somehow and the batter is different the whole experience is different i like the waffle fries i like the sweet tea i like the lemonade i don't care what they're doing to if they're going after someone that if they were going after me personally i would still eat their chicken that's good chicken put a mask on mc how McDonald's used to have on their bags, it'd be like Mia Hamm's choice or like Michael Jordan's pick, and it's like a Big Mac, which he clearly didn't eat. Chick-fil-A could have like the Grand Wizard's selection, and it's like a big thing with his nuggets.

I'd still eat it. It's great. And they're so nice to you there compared to every other fast food place. They don't even say you're welcome. They say my pleasure at the ones near me. Chick-fil-A franchises are cheap. Like as much as I hate the idea of owning a restaurant, I was like maybe. Because you can get a Chick-fil-A franchise for like $400,000.

They'll give you a Chipotle franchise. They'll pay you $500 just to dope in one at this point. They'll give you a Chipotle franchise. They'll pay you $500 just to open one at this point. So yeah, Chick-fil-A, like McDonald's, I'm sorry, a good Wendy's location will be like $3 million. I looked into this recently. And a Chick-fil-A will be like a quarter million to $400,000.

It's like, what is the scoop with this? And they're way more profitable than a Wendy's. Always packed. But they kind of select you. They make sure that you're good christian before you can open a chick-fil-a you have to like work your way up to owner at chick-fil-a like wendy's they'll sell me a fucking franchise you know i'll be like i don't know anything about opening a restaurant no problem you know we'll send you to wendy's academy at chick-fil-a like you need to have worked the register for a while and be selected. They need to get to know you. It's a different culture. If I were going to open a franchise, it would

be Cookout. I've said this before, but every time I go to it, the place is just called Cookout. They've got a really massive menu. They do everything from hot dogs and hamburgers to they got like 50 different milkshakes and I don't know, quesadillas and just a little bit of everything, kind of like a Jack in the Box type place, but it's better. It's much better. And I've seen, yeah, kind of. But every time I've seen them open up, I saw one open up in Anderson, South Carolina, and I saw one open up in East Atlanta. And the lines for the first couple of months are so outrageous that it causes traffic problems. Like the one in East Atlanta, you didn't even use the standard ordering technique. They used cones to make a giant line that just went around the borders of the parking lot.

And when you first got it in the back of the line, if you're the last person, a guy comes to your car and hands you a paper menu, and you've got like five minutes to look over this menu before you get to the point in line and you're in your car still of course where you get in point in line where someone says okay what would you like and they write it down on a piece of paper and give it to you and when you finally get to the speaker you don't order you hand it to another guy and he says it into the speaker and then you wait some more and it's absurd this line and it literally i'm not exaggerating three in the morning it's still like that like and i'm just thinking like they're bringing in so much cash selling these hot dogs and hamburgers to these

people it's it's ridiculous and it was it was true in both cases and it is good food i haven't even heard one of those yeah yeah i think they're small i've only seen maybe three or four ever i'd probably open a steak and shake but i would break the mold with steak and shake and not hire any ex felons no have you ever been to a steak and shake this isn't yeah like it's i've never been to a steak and shake and felt comfortable like i've never walked in and just it's a 50s style diner and you walk in and sit down and like you'll just look over and the cook the line cook will be giving you like a surly look it's like i didn't do anything to you man like i'm just trying to get and now i don't feel

comfortable ordering if you ask for one thing like a special order like oh i want the ketchup and onion you know slider but uh just you know throw some mustard on there too or like you know to get rid of the onion it'll just i had a waitress give me an audible groan once when i asked for extra frisco sauce on my frisco melt extra frisco sauce because your fucking location always fucking rips me off with the Frisco sauce. Like, you're rationing Thousand Island back there. Stop pretending that it's an actual sauce you made on fucking Thousand Island, and we all know it.

Put it on there. I'm just, all right, sir. It's like, I know you're on parole, but, you know, come on. Smile. Yeah, give me a smile. I think Five Guys would be a good one to get too because, like, they don't have a lot of... So I think Subway might be the best

because Subway is so simple that there's not a lot of overhead. I feel like you could run a Subway out of a shack in your backyard. But Five Guys isn't much bigger. You know, they've just got a couple of grills and a fryer because all they do is French fries, hot dogs, and hamburgers. That's it.

They have a lot of shit you can put on the burgers though yeah but I mean all that stuff comes in bags and just goes in little things it's ketchup and mustard and mushrooms and jalapeno peppers that's all stuff that comes out of a bag or a jar and I think they don't even freeze the meat

so they don't have the meat storage issue it shows up fresh every day so that's gotta be Have you heard that thing about you know how Wendy's will say like fresh never frozen apparently there's some kind of stipulation about what needs to occur before you can claim something is fresh never frozen and so Wendy's will have

it frozen on their trucks this could be some bullshit that I just read but who knows someone correct me if I'm wrong but Wendy's will have it frozen on the trucks but make it so that by the time it gets on their trucks. This could be some bullshit that I just read, but who knows? Someone correct me if I'm wrong. Wendy's will have it frozen on the trucks, but make it so that by the time it gets to their respective franchises and chains, it's not frozen anymore. It arrives to them not frozen.

They're allowed to say, this has never been frozen. The Wendy's manager, to my knowledge, it just shows up slightly cool. Anyway. Their burgers are square because they don't cut corners. You know who also doesn't cut corners? Squarespace.

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and be sure to use offer code pka to get 10 off of your first purchase so whether you're starting a business building a portfolio or just expressing yourself online remember to sign up today and go to squarespace.com slash pka squarespace build it beautiful i wonder if they'd help me put together that sleeping with woody concept we had just an album of me snoring well if anyone could help it'd'd be Squarespace. Absolutely. I would watch that. I think it would help me maybe drive out. I've got a family of rats living downstairs.

I thought I'd play it real loud and it would drive them away. Sort of, you know, maybe I could do that. I usually play Woody the Slayer in moments like this. If you've got some snoring audio, that'll really do the trick. I need that for Melissa to keep her asleep. She sleeps like a rock. But two PKAs ago, if you go back and watch 15 minutes in, you can't hear anything.

But I had to pause right away and leave real quick because she fell asleep on the couch right next to me. And then just out of nowhere, and she never does this just like in her sleep just started like i don't know like loud enough that i'm like people are gonna this is gonna pick up on the fucking mic and people are gonna wonder if i'm you know harboring uh down syndrome children under my floorboards or something and it was one of the stairs on yep and it so loud, and she was getting, like, so emotional. Have you ever seen somebody get, like, almost emotional in their sleep? Yes.

Isn't it, like, unnerving a little bit? It's a little odd. It's sort of like if you ever see an animal, or even I've seen people whose eyes will be open while they sleep, or at least cracked enough that you can see that the eye is dead, and it's not really, like, feeding information to the brain anymore. It's a really unnerving kind of situation. Yeah.

I had a nightmare the other day and I find dream talk to be boring as fuck. As soon as you start talking about your dream, I can't care. I like to try to analyze the dream and think more about it. I feel like my

dreams when I can't pull the trigger. I mean, think about what that symbolifies. You know? It's some failure. Gay repression. I'm dreaming, and I keep waking up. It's like a nightmare that my house is even fucking bigger. Like, there was a whole, like, off the Game of Thrones room,

we have two doors that lead to one of the western porches. And my dream was that one of those doors led to like another master bedroom. And that's where my mother-in-law was going to live. And it was just like, again, giant ceilings, lighted lit bookcases for some reason. And the whole thing was just huge. And I kept waking up anyway. That was it.

It was a recurring sort of dream all night long that my house had gotten bigger and it was more to heat and maintain and all that. Oh my God. Oh my God, Jackie. Oh my God, Jackie. At least $1,500 more. We're getting a fireplace.

Oh, nice. Yes. The house has operational the house has five fireplaces three of them are like real masonry fireplaces that you could burn wood in and two are just like sort of decorative propane or gas fireplaces

but even the ones that are operational have gas logs in them what is what am I missing he was saying that he had one fireplace and I was like I don't have any that are operational have gas logs in them. What am I missing? He was saying that he had one fireplace and I was like, I don't have any. Oh, okay. So anyway, in the living room, we have gas logs that we tend to use a lot

and they're worn out really. So we're going to upgrade it with a wood burning fireplace. And the idea is that it will just like pour heat throughout the house and it'll have blowers and we'll be able to, I don't know. Let's make a lot of heat. I know a guy that's got one and his has some sort of system where it feeds the fire, these wood pellets. And so it's like, yeah, I had never seen that before. When I think wood fireplace, I think splitting logs in the backyard and tossing them in one after another and closing the door

and getting the air feed just right and using blowers. I'm familiar with all that stuff, but this thing he's got slowly trickles these wooden pellets to the fire and actually... That's what I had in my head at first. I was like, that's what I'm going to get. I went to two different places, and my area just doesn't really sell pellets. Apparently you can buy them sort of expensively at some Home Depot a few towns away. There's a tractor supply that gets two pallets and then that's it, you know, for the year.

Once they're out, they're out and that's it. And everyone is, both of the stores were like, I'll sell you pellets. I've got one sitting here that no one else will buy. I'll make you a deal, but you don't want it. You know, you won't be happy. You can't get pellets around here. You know, apparently North Carolina is one of the biggest pellet manufacturers. Maybe it ties into our furniture manufacturing,

but they just ship all of them overseas. And they won't even, guys like, I will buy truckloads. I'll show up at your overseas and they won't even you guys like i will buy truckloads i'll show up at your door and they wouldn't sell it to them so uh super hard to get pellets in my area which is why i went with wood so this is off topic but it's kind of weird so two days ago my girlfriend said that it looked like someone had rifled through her vehicle in my driveway. But meanwhile, my car is right next to hers, and it's got guns and cash in it. And they're right there. A lot of the stuff is tucked away, but there's maybe $20 worth of cash sitting right there,

and there's a handgun sitting right there, and all that's there. But I believe her because she says her wallet was sort of dissected and kind of laying all out there. That's unusual. And then Kitty says that she thought she heard someone outside last night and the dog was barking and causing a ruckus. So I'm going to get to the bottom of this very soon. We'll see what's going on. I'll get some motion sensing cameras out there and get myself some way to alert myself if I need to and then I can go out and investigate. I've got my gun with the light and the laser and all that shit on it. So we'll see if someone wants...

The double-barreled shotgun? Yeah, yeah. That seems like the way to go. I already got it all tacked out over there. Yeah. That might be a good one to grab. I'd wake the neighborhood up, I guess. You haven't made a video with that yet, right? No, no. I feel like you want to run a hundred rounds through it and just see what it's got in terms of reliability um yeah i'd like to as well the have you heard about the the issue with uh the pumping them i haven't heard any specific

issues we did have one failure and um i think that it was where we sort of short stroked it and uh the answer to that was just holding the release and hitting it hard, and that fixed it. So I've watched several videos about it because I was kind of excited. And apparently, if you point it down when you... Is it called racking the slide with a shotgun? When you pump it?

Then it doesn't load right. Like, gravity does it wrong. You need to hold it up and rack it, which they're sort of targeting it towards law enforcement. So that's kind of an issue. Like you don't necessarily always want to be pointed up when you rack it. I didn't have that issue because one of the ways I was. Do you have any shells that you can test it with?

Yeah, I'm going to do that in just a second. But just to kind of show the inner workings without one, you know, I was cycling it. That looks so cool. Yeah, I was cycling it, and I held it like this and did it really slow so someone could watch it. I'll get some shells so you can see what's going on here because it's actually pulling shells

from two tubes and then injecting them into two more. It's pretty cool to watch it do its thing. Let me grab a couple shells. Before you go, when you do it, test it. Point it down like you wanted to shoot it. I'm going to hold it just like this. It's upside down.

The barrel's pointed down. I lost my bearings. Yeah. I didn't realize that either. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me see if I can find a shell or two. All right.

I was wondering how he was racking that with it pointed up with both hands down like that. It's a bullpup shotgun. I'm sure there's plenty of them, but it's the only one I know of. I don't know of any other bullpup shotguns. A bullpup double barrel pump shotgun. I think there's plenty of them, but it's the only one I know of. Like, I don't know of any other bullpup shotguns. A bullpup double barrel pump shotgun is a... I think there's only one. Yeah, it's a pretty niche group of characteristics for a shotgun to have. It's just, I mean, it's really cool, but is there a point at all?

Like, to a bullpup style shotgun? I don't know. The typical bullpup point is that you can have a longer barrel and keep it accurate but you don't have to have such a long gun in close quarters um yeah i thought it was to keep guns short right yeah that's why they put the magazine back behind the like you could have a gun with i'm making shit up but like with an 18 inch barrel, but the thing is only like 24 inches long in total. Whereas if you were to take like an M4 variant or an AR-15 variant, an 18 inch barrel is going to make for like a 36 inch gun because it's not bullpup.

But with a shotgun, I don't know. Do you even want a long barrel like that? I guess you want, powder's got to burn. I want a short barrel like that? I guess you want... Powder's got to burn. I want a short barrel, double barrel shotgun like they have in movies. Every zombie game. Yeah, just every one of those.

You can just smack it down. They fly out, put two more in, snap it up. They're illegal, so I couldn't do that, but those are so cool. With a lever action one, right? Where you can do the thing. Just 1887 my way out of any trouble. Exactly.

All right, let's see what you got here, Kyle. Kyle, I'm lost. That's pointed down? Okay. Yes. I'm going to add some shells here. What kind of shells are you putting in? These are actually incendiary tracers. The color of the shell corresponds to the color of the trace.

So these in particular are green when they come out of the barrel. So that's the tube. I'm going to try to do it so you can see a little better. I'm going to try to manipulate my hand. So it's spring-loaded, and they're feeding. And if you look here, you can start to see they're feeding into the weapon. Oh, yeah. And that'll continue down into here.

So, I don't know. We'll put three on each side, I guess. Seems like a good number. You can load two at once. What I mean is, at least on the video I saw, the guy was very tickled about that he's like watch below 2 I was asking Woody Kyle

is there a distinct advantage to having a bullpup style shotgun I like bullpups because you don't have such a long barrel so if you were in some sort of close quarters sort of scenario it's really easy to turn a corner and point those. They're more pointable. I like short barreled everything.

Part of it? And I really like bullpups. In my head, if someone was trying to wrestle the gun away from me, they just have a little less leverage. You know, you can't just grab the end and toss it around in the same way you would a longer rifle. Sure. So you ready for this? I am. Let's see. Make sure I'm going to do this right. Yeah. Looks like you have primary and secondary gunfighter on that. So it threw him in.

So now we're loaded. So hold that at 45. 45 degree angle? Yeah, downward 45. Well, let me show it eject once. Okay. And then we'll go again. This is so awkward to do in this. Ah, yeah, because all this has to slide.

So it's removing those shells from the barrels, from the chambers that are directly behind the barrels. It threw them past the camera. It sure did. They're away over there somewhere. And it threw two more up from the tubes. And so when I push forward on the slide, it moves them back and into the cylinders again.

So let's hold it at a 45-degree angle and make it safe again. So that looks like it to me. I'm going to go real slow so you can see it maybe dropping out of the back. So they dropped out, and you can actually see the next shell that's to come right here. And it worked. Or it didn't work. Maybe it didn't. Now hold it at level, and I think you'll be able to jiggle it in all right let's see if they if they come out

huh yes i'll run it i lost track of that yeah i did too a little bit because it's because i'm watching the reflection of what i'm doing and it's really hard to be kind of focused on anything right now i do love all that gobbledygook on that gun i normally don't too but god we'll see none of this is is really unnecessary okay all right so the things that i think are redundant which is what you when in my opinion that's how you know that you're being silly is when things start being redundant it's got these uh these offset sights here and it's like is this really gonna fail is that what you're worried about this failing because it's a shotgun right like i'll just i'll just take it the fuck off at that point but i just feel like those are a bit redundant but otherwise you know it's really just a laser and a flashlight there's

there's a flashlight with a a strobe that's just incredibly awful to to look at and turn that off and then a laser which i've really enjoyed Why does that laser work in midair so well? Exactly, because it's green. So all through my house, it's like that. I shined it outdoors the other day, and it showed up. I think you need to see green lasers better. When I point red lasers at things, I see the dot, and I see the source, but I don't see the beam. That thing, you really see

the beam. Not as much at that angle. Right here, it's really bright. I like that. Other than that, the one that you're getting has muzzle brakes that are pretty sharp, but nothing like this.

Or choke tubes. Yeah, that's lud sharp, but nothing like this. Yeah. Or choke tubes. Yeah, that's ludicrous. Ludicrous is good. Ludicrous is good. So, yeah. But you haven't made the, you haven't shot any video for that yet. Like, have you run many rounds through them?

I don't know if you can call them round shells. Probably 50 so far. Oh, so a bit. Yeah, we haven't really tested them that hard. I'm doing the flamethrower video first. Whenever I'm done with that, I'll send yours to you.

But I think I'm filming that Monday, next week or Tuesday, something like that. Maybe we can use the flamethrower to start my new fireplace. Yeah, yeah, totally. You totally will be able to. I was shooting yours today, or yesterday. We were testing out the propane balloons. It seems that propane, when it's in a balloon, like a standard latex balloon, that the propane gas is somehow degrading

the material that the balloon is made out of. So if allowed to sit for long enough, they'll just pop spontaneously, which is horrifying when you're working. Well, the static doesn't scare me as much as the random balloons popping in your hand when you're already on edge, afraid of static. So static never happened. And if it did, i had a face shield and gloves on but what what would happen is they kept spontaneously exploding in my hands and that is horrifying um so i don't think propane is going to work which means i might have to go to acetylene

which is that's what you told me not to use right? I sure did because on the levels of as far as explosive gases go in my limited opinion although I haven't really worked with too much hydrogen or anything propane is like some Frank's Red Hot hot sauce and acetylene is more like that

devil's inferno shit that you give to someone as a joke when that stuff goes off, it's an explosion, and it's very hot, and it's very sooty, and it's very bright. But I'm afraid... It frightens me to work with it, so I'm going to have to come up with some kind of a legit burn suit.

Not a burn suit, really. It's just some protective gear to work with it, so if it does flare up, I'm not... Don't you have a... He has a Ghostbusters suit. Oh, but the Ghostbusters suit, is it flame retardant at all? No, he got that at a Halloween store. So you don't have a

flame resistant suit? No, I actually ordered these really nice gloves slash arm sleeves off Amazon. They were pretty expensive and they were supposed to stand up to I don't know, 800 degrees or some bullshit and they never arrived. I might... I should check my closet to stand up to, I don't know, 800 degrees or some bullshit. And they never, they never arrived. I should check my closet.

I want to say I have two flame resistant like racing suits. And I don't know. You're taller. Well, see, I really don't. That's not real. I've been in those suits that are too small before. And it's, it's very uncomfortable in the crotch um it's it's uh when they ride so high because your shoulders your shoulders are pulling it up and your crotch is whole i hear what you're saying

but i want to say this comes in like whatever small medium large extra large like we might be the same you might have in any case though to be honest that's not what i need i need something i just needed the face shield, I felt like, because my fear is that it's going to go whoosh and quickly burn me, not that I'm going to become engulfed in flames and need to survive that. I feel like it would be a really nice piece of the puzzle. If you've got a face shield, some gloves, and this suit, you're covered from flash burns.

This might be a dumb question, but is there a difference in the grade of flame retardant material you need when using something like propane compared to acetylene like again because it's going to be like a flash fire i don't think it really matters i just wanted something between my skin and the fire kyle's as far as i know kyle's right there's probably someone out there with more expertise but when i was buying them everything was rated by how long you could stay on fire not necessarily what was making you on fire yeah those acetylene balloons could be the coolest video on youtube or just a stepping stone to no lips no eyelids kyle giving speeches about the dangers of explosives in local

Everybody would have to laugh uncomfortably Now I need an assistant to wet my eyes every 35 seconds or at least just crisp up and fall out. You get a big laugh. You're like, oh, yeah, I'm on fire tonight. Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh?

I need my eye drops. Susan. Yeah, I don't want to burn up. But the thing is, let me find a video of what this is settling looks like going up because it's it's so different than propane it's night and day is it going to be in a balloon or in a in the bottle um i'll try to find a video of a trash bag full oh okay yeah because uh sometimes you see the plant where they fill them catch on fire and the bombs that are the oxyacetylene like canisters is outrageous the explosions go five stories high and break huge things it's a big deal

i got one this is uh this is just a balloon this is what i did to my hand i haven't watched the video yet but it's just a minute long it seems perfect this is literally what i did to my hand. I haven't watched the video yet, but it's just a minute long It seems perfect. This is literally what I did to my hand. We should queue up I guess somewhere Yeah, I'm at zero Let me slide this thing a little bit All right ready set play This is just a condom filled with acetylene or oxy acetylene This is just a condom filled with oxyacetylene. Sitting on a paper bag, I see.

So he's using the paper bag as like a wick. Is that what it's called? A wick? Yeah, yeah. A fuse. Is oxyacetylene the same thing? It is. Well, the...

It won't take long. An oxyacetylene torch requires both acetylene and oxygen. The combination of two Allows you to reach a much higher temperature than either alone That's how that torch works But I'm curious if he knows that or if what he's done here is is added oxygen to the mix here to make it even more explosive Yeah, just do that.

That went up in my hand. I lit that with a big lighter like this. Just reached out and lit it. It was second and third degree burns the whole hand. Bad choice. Blisters on each knuckle that were just risen up really high.

And everything was scorched black because the settling burns really sooty. When you light the torch, even if you had it turned on low, it goes poof, and you see this black nasty soot float away like a little miniature bug soul is leaving it and going to hell or something.

It's nasty stuff when it burns. You're so lucky that your hand doesn't look totally gross now. Yeah, I know. Got good doctors at the Augusta, Georgia burn clinic. Got to give it to them and that magical artificial skin glove they gave me. That was great.

But as you can see, that's an explosion. That stuff's not going whoosh and making a pretty orange fireball, which is what I like. I want a pretty orange or dark orange fireball with a little smoke attached which is like 70 70 gasoline 30 diesel that's how i achieved that and but with something like this it's it's going to be like boom and and and that's cool too but god damn that looked dangerous like if one of those goes off in your hand like it might rupture

your eardrums or like detach your cornea or your retina or, you know. It's interesting what's dangerous, right? Because like I was trying to think. I think it was last week or the week before I was saying, anyway, the height stuff, the mountain climbing, skydiving, hot air balloon bungee jumping, like all these things don't scare me very much. But I forget. Do you remember what it was that did scare me? I forget. There was something that I found very unhappy. I wouldn't want to do it all, whereas you had no trouble with it. This balloon

is really the thing that you don't dig. Because it's so reactive. It's so highly reactive. Normally when I'm dealing with stuff, I'm like, okay, that's a safe distance away. This is far enough. The shrapnel can't get over here. I can look at things and know they're just 95% safe, which is just fine for me.

You're not 95% safe in your fucking car going down the road. But with this thing, it's like, I don't understand static electricity well enough to know that I'm safe. I don't know how to make that happen. I guess maybe I need to do a little research because maybe condoms are better. Maybe latex doesn't make static.

I don't know. Maybe – Because balloons do. Some balloons – yeah, balloons do. You can do that thing with them and do your hair. And if static sets that balloon off in my hand, I know what it's going to do. Some balloons, yeah, balloons do. You can do that thing with them and do your hair. And if static sets that balloon off in my hand, I know what it's going to do. It's going to put me out of commission for two months

and ruin my fucking week. And I don't want that. And that's if I'm lucky. Like I said, that looks so loud, I feel like it'd rupture a damn eardrum when it goes off next to your head. So I've got to figure out a way, if that's what I'm going to do,

to fill those balloons safely, tie them off, and then attach them where they need to go without popping them or killing anyone. Cool. So we're working on that. And in the new topic? Absolutely. Speaking of killing people,

let's talk about Credit Karma. Mass murders. Carry on. I was trying to think of that Capote book. In Cold Blood. Yeah, that's the book you want to get from Audible. Audible.com. Let me find my read here.

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But I'm going to recommend, I think it's In Cold Blood with Truman Capote. I'm going to double up on The Martian recommendation. It's very good. You guys are going to like it. My wife signed up for Audible. She was visiting family in New Jersey like a month ago when I grew the beard. And she has since become addicted to the service. She listens to Harry Potter books with headphones in all day long.

And I almost miss her. Like, you know, I have to really get her attention. Like, hey, honey. It's like, play with me. But yeah, she's listening to Audible books all the time now. That's like play with me and uh um but yeah she's listening to audible books all the time now that's like her normal state it's just earpods and uh audible.com i was thinking recently about getting like a uh listening to some sort of language uh thing on there i thought that would be fun because i mean i absorbed all the fucking game of thr, right? And, you know, through that thing. And I feel like I retained a lot of it.

Like, we're, you know, what a massive, difficult story to remember. I feel like through the audiobooks, I absorb more of it than I do from any other way. And I was just thinking, like, could I learn Spanish on there? Could I habla espanol with a little audiobook help? I've done that before with Italian. Because I had to do italian for college because it was the only language i could get done in two semesters instead of three and so i got one of those audio programs where like i they would like speak italian and i only used it once and i found that like while i was using it like i wasn't retaining anything

all i was doing was fantasizing about how cool i would be when i was able to speak italian to people and just to be like oh just to be able to speak italian and like hit on people like that i think the best is ordering a restaurant like like if you learn spanish i feel like now your garden is twice as... I'm going to take the unlimited pasta and bread sticks. Oh, a little Brando there? Very nice. I feel like Spanish would help a lot with getting your yard in better shape. Maybe you could tell the workers what to do more better. But if you learn Italian or something, maybe that comes in handy in some romantic date setting.

You go to one of those restaurants where the menu is all in Italian and it can be really overwhelming if you've never been to somewhere like that. But all of a sudden you kind of lean over and you're like, what are you going to get? And she's like, well, I just don't know, you know, it's all, you know. And she doesn't want to say it. And you just, oh, let me. And then maybe you order for her, you know you know in italian with the waiter

and then some like 22 year old kid looks at you like sir this is oh milligan's um have you ever been to an italian place that uh there's a whole area in the city here called the hill where it's like all italian immigrants and they still have like italian families who have been there since they like immigrated here and they still have Italian families who have been there since they immigrated here. And they'll have whole menus where usually they'll say Pomodoro Mastachiole or something, and it's like,

this is what this fucking dish is. You read this if you want to be able to order it. But these menus, almost like they're being intentionally fucking assholes, all of it is in Italian. They even put little descriptors underneath it in italian i've seen this it's very intimidating yeah where do you get off like you know that we are coming here because you have the best italian food in the

area but you don't have to be a cunt about it and like rub it in my face like oh what's this one and then they say it in an accent in italian first of course if i was opening an american restaurant in france and someone was like mashed potatoes like i don't i wouldn't be like fucking dumbass he doesn't know what mashed potatoes are of course not he doesn't speak fucking english i don't know why they do that it's really intimidating when that happens um it's happened to me a couple times it's been french italian and thai there was a thai restaurant that didn't have their I was just like, where are we? Are there people coming in here that can read Thai?

There aren't even letters in here. These are symbols. It's a bunch of nonsense. I love Thai. I'll have the goofy M and then the weird sparrow head as a dessert. It's the emoji rubbing its belly. What the hell? I'll take a cup of the emoji rubbing its belly

and the number sign with the squiggly mark next to it. Two winky faces to share. Two buildings, a smile, and a not equal to equation. What the fuck? Who is the taxi cab money? I got a new topic. Powerball. Did you guys play? I won. Taxi cab money. I got a new topic. Powerball.

Did you guys play? I won. Really? You're a billionaire now? I have to split it with that guy in Chino Hills, apparently. So I think after the sum, I get like $487 million. I think I did the math. So not too bad.

I got the first five right, and I didn't get the last one. So I get nothing. That's not true, though. Are you serious? Yeah. You're lying. I know. Because I was hoping you guys would be like, if you get the first five right, you get like $50 million.

Yeah, I was going to say, because Kitty got a few numbers right, and I think she won like $20 or something like that. Maybe she got like Powerball and one number or something. In spite of the fact that logically I know the math is so horrifically against you. One in 280 million, I believe. A little part of me was like, oh, one in 280 million. So there's a chance, right? There's a chance. So I found a website that lets me play. It lets me lose for free.

Do you guys want to play it with me? We can see who's the best. Oh, sure. No, actually on my tickets, I didn't get a single number correct in all four of them. I got one number. Let me see. Oh, this frames so perfectly. Alright, I played this once before,

so I'm going to change my numbers. Alright, I'm going to pick my numbers over here. Let's go with... I think it's 64 too high. What's the highest you can pick? I don't know. I thought it was... You can't go to 99? You can't go to 99, I'm pretty sure.

I'm just going to keep them all below 50, just in case. I'm going to go 12 for the number of disciples. I think I need to reload the page to clear mine properly. Three for the Holy Trinity. I was going to do that. One for the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. And zero

for the number of fucking NFL teams we we have left nice i bet my first hundred so here's what i want you to do you'll pick your numbers and you'll choose play right and then it'll do it'll pretty quickly do a hundred of them and then bet your paycheck and hypothetically your paycheck will be a hundred thousand dollars and Tell me when you get to that stage. It has to be between 1 and 26. I've got to change these numbers. Just the quick pick needs to be that low, I think, because that's the one you failed on, right?

Yeah. 1 and 26, okay. Tell me after you guys manage to bet $100,000. I managed to play 100 times and not win anything. So it says you've played the lottery 56 times over. I didn't input any other number. I'm not sure. The first one is $100.

You don't choose. After that, bet your paycheck. Ah. And then win how much to $100,000. So it says you've played the lottery 56 times. Oh, okay. That's the number you want. I'm sorry.

All right. So for me, I played 50 times. It sounds like you won $6 along the way. $12. Okay. Oh, okay. I didn't win any. It's uncommon.

I usually win a buck or two. So what do you do for paycheck, like a monthly gross income? Just put 100,000. I did 100. Mine's taking a while to tick. And so far oh you went already you ran ahead oh i just click play well shit i click play too so kyle and i are together and murka's out ahead i'm winning hundreds and losing thousands we'll watch this thing go while we do the show i am at $13,000 spent, 1,201. So real bad.

I think you're actually doing better than me. This site really made me feel better about not playing. Somehow the number, like 220 million to one or whatever it is, 280 million to one, it didn't sink home for me just how sure I was to be throwing away money. They say the lottery is a tax for people who are bad at math. They say it's a stupid tax. I've heard that too. I've heard that too.

I say it. But I really like that there's a couple online tools that allow me to lose the lottery for free. So far I'm at like 10%. So I've won about 2 000 lost about 20 grand i've lost 32 000 no i've lost 30 000 and i've won 3 000 i'm true i really wanted to hit one of these times and jump to like 80 million no i wouldn't even want that dude i wouldn't want to win on this simulation here's what happened to me i was like in my head i was going on a a rant like this is like i'm gonna say this on painkiller already so i'm doing this rant in my head about how stupid the lottery is and how you shouldn't play it how it's you know dumb tax or whatever and uh then along the way i hit a a $50,000 prize. I hit the million to one odds, the 913,000 won to odds.

And I won 50 grand. And I'll tell you what, I still finished in the hole on my $100,000 experiment. Just not as deep in the hole as you might expect. I had to play just because I feel like it's fun. I feel like it's good for you mentally to go through the exercise of putting yourself in a position of great wealth. I feel like you almost get the same brain chemistry effect as if you had wanted

because you get to mentally spend that money for a minute and come up with the... Because you got... I think the lump sum was like $900 million and change. And with Georgia taxes, I'm assuming I would keep something like $600 million of that if I'm lucky. But with that much money, I feel like I'd set up all these accounts for people I love with $2 or $3 million in it, and they won't be able to touch it.

But forever now, they have income. Give them a monthly income. That's what I'd do for someone like Jeremy, I feel like. I feel like I would create a trust for him so that every month he's got enough money to sustain himself and not have to work as hard in life, that sort of thing. And not that Jeremy's some high-ranking person in my life, but even someone like him who's out on the fringes, like, yeah, let's take care of him too. And Scott, my cousin and i were talking about this and he had a similar thing he's like i think i'd give you know a million to this person

you know a couple million of that person and you know this guy was really nice to me that time i bet he doesn't even know how much i appreciate it i'd go take care of him he's like but can you just imagine jeremy with now like with a 200 with a quarter million dollar yearly income that comes from the air, the bass boats and jacked up fucking trucks and big public tires. Could he stay out of drugs? You give him a hundred a year. Yeah, he doesn't have a drug issue.

He wants to be a good old boy. He likes fitting into a group and for him that's redneck. Right now, instead of going back to school like we all had put him him up to use it was gonna go back to a technical school and get the same degree scott has to potentially get on and start making that money that scott's making cusco scottish ducks in order now he's doing good

and jeremy's not struggling and uh... instead of going into in the school that we'd all kind of nudged him toward and we caught you toward. Scott had called in favors. He did really well in that welding program, and he went to competitions for them and won some competitions. So they like Scott a lot, and they'll do whatever it takes to help him.

Instead, he wants to be a volunteer fireman, which is really like a good old boys club that you're really paying to go be a fireman when it comes down to it. Because you get like $12 a fire, that's your pay. It's tax free of course, but that comes to like $1200 a year if you're lucky. And you have to pay for a lot of shit that goes into it. It's a lot of your time.

A lot of your time. So yeah, I would do stuff like that and i said i would definitely buy like one of those mega yachts that's like let's just call it a hundred million dollars and has a helicopter pad and a crew of 50 um 30 of those are women and and the other 20 are also women but they have 20 are very hard workers. They're all women, but 30 of them don't do anything. And I think it would be fun to like, you know, just let's sail. Let's sail the seas.

Why not? Let's go from port to port like we're running our own Disney cruise, but I'm the fucking captain, and I'd wear a captain's hat, and everyone would call me captain. You know what? I had a whole fantasy about it. I was like, all right,? I had a whole fantasy about it. I was like, all right, if I had $800 million, whatever the hell it would be after all the taxes and everything were paid,

my whole fantasy was that for six months, while the media attention, as much as I could garner for being the winner, I would change nothing about my life. Nothing at all. I would be that guy who, like, a weird kind of arrogance and I'm better than you of, like, you know, I got all this money, but, you know, I was already so thankful for everything that I had. I just don't feel the need to do anything or buy it. And I'd be giving it out to friends, people,

build up so much goodwill around my name so that when eventually I did spend a ton of money and get embroiled in some horrible scandal in Tijuana undoubtedly that people will be like well you know everybody gets tempted of course he had to spend some eventually just remember when he first got it stayed in the same place didn't even stayed in the same car he's a you know what are you driving uh Chrysler 300c oh that right. You've told me that before. So what did you guys all finish? So I built, I'd get my yacht with my crew.

No, no, no, the lottery thing. What did you actually get here? Yeah, yeah. I won like, I won $12,500 and, you know, I lost the remaining, the $100,000. 12? What'd you get exactly? 12,500? the remaining, the $100,000.

What did you get exactly? $12,500? It's $12,482, I think. Taylor, what did you get? I spent $109,930 and I won $9,731. So I'm in the hole, $100,000. $100,199. We're all in the hole, $100,199. I'm a, we're all in the hole a hundred thousand 99. I think that, but, uh,

yeah, I won 10,087 along the way. So I'm in the middle somewhere. And, uh, I've played with this website and then some other ones like it a little bit. And, uh, it really made me feel better about not playing the lottery and instead investing in like, you know, index funds and stuff like that. Because I'm way ahead in the stock market and way behind on the lottery. Go figure.

I've got a topic if we're moving. Go on. So I know, Kyle, you kind of follow the NFL. Woody, you kind of do as well. So you may not know, but Kroenke, that fucking asshole who owns the Rams and I believe the Denver Avalanche or the Colorado Avalanche, moved the St. Louis Rams back to L.A. And I'm pretty agitated about it.

Not just because I didn't care about the Rams half as much as I care about Mizzou. I like college football more but he like got on tv and just started like roasting st louis being a complete ass about it being like oh you know i think it's for the best you know i i think that uh they're gonna have trouble supporting the cardinals the blues and the rams like it's for the best that we get rid of this team so they can support those two teams. Meanwhile, we're a bigger city than Denver, and Denver has like five teams. We were able to support it just fine.

He was just being a cunty douche and wanted to make a little more money that he'll never be able to spend before his feeble, pathetic life ends in L.A. And it's just even worse. I can't even root for them in L.A. because I just don't like that. I don't know.

What other football teams are in L.A.? The Raiders went to Oakland, right? It's the Oakland Raiders, and the San Diego Chargers and the St. Louis Rams moved to L.A. this year because why the fuck not move another glut of teams to L.A. for all those bandwagoners to hop on? But L.A. was once the Raiders, if I recall correctly. It was once the Rams.

It was the Rams until 95. I know it was the Rams. I thought it was the Raiders too. That might have been even before that. I'm not up on it. But yeah, it just really pissed me off how he handled the whole situation. Everybody here, if they care about the rams is so pissed about it just because he he's from here and he sold out his home state home city to make a couple more bucks as like the richest owner of a sports

team in the country in la it's just such nonsense like i i guess i could root for the chiefs still got them in kansas city but yeah i don't want to root for a Kansas City team. I don't know. Just really shitty. Really shitty. So do they play in Kansas or Missouri? Kansas City, Missouri. Yeah.

Yeah. That's not obvious to everybody. I don't even understand how Kansas City can be in both states. Yeah. It's so – the way it works is uh so and weirdly the missouri kansas city is like the big good kansas city and the kansas kansas city is not the real kansas city for no that's the like it's the huge part of it is in missouri then there's a smaller part in kansas uh then just like st louis on the complete opposite side, the big part is in Missouri,

and then the shitty East St. Louis part is in Illinois. And is it St. Louis that has Google Fiber? No, it's Kansas City. Kansas City. Oh, well, that's the only thing that matters. Well, you know what? You're right. Fuck all your sports.

I'm telling you. If they said, Woody, you've got a decision to make. Google Fiber is coming to your house, but the hurricanes are leaving. I'd be like, fucking goodbye, bitches. What about Panthers? Oh, fuck them too. None of these guys are as significant as Google Fiber. I would take Google Fiber.

All of them on their way. Oh, yeah, yeah. Just today, I was cursing at a Time Warner representative. So they constantly send me this mail about upgrading to Time Warner business class. Now, I had Time Warner business class

in Apex. Apparently, the deal is if you work for Cisco, you get it for like 65 bucks a month. And that's great. So it was 50 down, five up for 65 bucks a month, and I was always fine with that, or maybe it was 69.

And the problem I'm having at home, when I work at Woodycraft, I spend a lot of time, just like SSH, like telnet it into these servers in New York, and they disconnect like every hour. I talk to my staff via TeamSpeak, it disconnects like every hour. I talk to my staff via TeamSpeak, it disconnects like every hour, I'm dropping packets. And I look at my max speed, and this is wired, I'm getting like 17 down when I'm supposed to get like 100.

So I called support, it's been going on for like one or two months, and the guy was an idiot. He didn't seem to have any concept of dual WAN routers or bandwidth or latency or dropping packets or anything. And I asked for level two support because he was foolish and didn't get it. So Guy was supposed to come out today. While I'm waiting for the guy to come out today and perhaps like replace bad connectors or something, I call business class. They offer 300 megabits down, and I think it was 30 up, something like that,

which is pretty legit, right? How much? 480 a month. Dude, just... Outrageous. Outrageous. Oh, and by the way, three-year contract, right? So you can't just sign up for like 480

while times are sweet. I'm going to come live in your guest house and do my let's play series and then leave a few weeks later that's okay let's just knock that right out jesus that's fast yeah so then uh 200 i think that was 100 by 10 for their business class was like 300 a month and i'm like'm like, that's outrageous. That's not proportional. I was like, that's so much money. What is the scoop of this? And he's like, so much compared to who? And I'm like, that's the thing.

You're a local monopoly. He's like, well, you know, if you can get a competitive quote from AT&T or Google. Google offers that, Google is three times faster for one third the price, right? That's some powerful math, right? They're offering $300 for $400, you know, less than a third of the price. These guys offer a gigabit for $70.

Holy fuck, right? Like, why are your prices so outrageous? And he's like, well, just get me a competitive quote. I'm like, I get it. I get it. You're a monopoly. There are no competitive quotes. Why was this guy talking to you like he was the guy with the top hat running the monopoly and not some pawn running around? I was like, you know, I thought that maybe you guys would like offer an

introductory price or some sort of package or, you know, you know, something to get new customers signed up to you. And, uh, that just, it wasn't going on like that at all it was like a good write-off i i mean i i would be i might jump at that that that super fast internet at least would you have to sign a long-term contract three years fuck that right three years three years you'll you'll have google fuck google fiber yeah there'll be competition at the very least in three years from now fuck him uh-uh yeah no i i just you know and at 480 that breaks it you start to look so they installed for all of you who docks me if you look at an aerial map of my house like once you get outside my neighborhood it gets really densely populated those people have at&T fiber optic lines. When you start talking about $500 a month,

I bet they run a fiber optic line for like, you know, five grand or something to my house. The payoff is in a year, and all of a sudden, you're dealing with gigabit the whole time and fiber optic reliability, which would be great. So. I think I may need, I need to go to my internet provider and see if they got anything going on because i haven't spoken to them in probably a year or so

maybe they maybe they can do something more better for me because man this is lame i like we'll be streaming video sometimes and it'll it'll slow down and get get uh shitty uh it's just terrible you've dealt with shit internet for so long. My whole life. Yeah, my whole life. That's what happens when you live. That's the downside of the country. There's so many, I'm sorry, there's so many upsides of the country.

Like, you know, you get your elbow room, he's shooting off flamethrowers in his backyard. I'd be really uncomfortable doing that in Apex. There's, you know, the prices, you know, per square foot are much better. There's just that, I feel like the whole life is better in a lot of ways. But shit internet is no joke. And you can't make up for it.

Okay, the movie theater is 45 minutes away. That's kind of a bitch. But I can still just drive 45 minutes away. But with internet speed, it's not like that. It's like, yeah, you're going to get 14 by 2.5. That's as good as it gets. I think I'm paying maybe, I think I've got two lines like that, but I think they're like a couple hundred bucks each a month. I think I'm paying 200 bucks for 14 by 2.5 roughly. Yeah. I supposedly get a hundred down 10 up, but I get two of those, right? So it's pretty much 100 down, 10 up, but we can do it without interfering with each other in the house.

And it's 70 each. So I pay 140 a month for that two by 110. Yeah, that's not bad at all. It wouldn't be if I got it. You know what I actually got? Dude, I bet if I run a speed test now, I'll get like 14. I shouldn't do it during the show. But I'll get like 14 down and 20 up.

What is that all about? Like it's causing us trouble. I don't know. It's just weird. It's been better than that in the past though, hasn't it? Yes. I bet it's a connector issue or something hardware related. The guy didn't show up today.

I even got a call saying, hey, you guys coming? He's only 20 minutes out and he didn't arrive. So we had, when we moved here, no one had ever had internet here before. The previous people didn't have it. So it was an infrastructure issue. So they ran this pussy wire

that's not even meant to be ran as long as they ran it from some housing that's, I don't know ran as long as they ran it from some, some housing housing. That's, I don't know that I'm pointing at the house that way. That's nothing to you. That's over that way. They just ran it across a field and we had a hardware issue for the first six

or eight months where it would rain. And all of a sudden you don't have internet. We had this thing for like months where at 10 PM, the internet would just be turned off every night until 3 AM. And it's like, that's when I'm using it. That's when I'm on the p.m. the internet would just be turned off every night until 3 a.m. And it's like, that's when I'm using it. That's when I'm on the internet. Yeah, yeah. And I'm up there at their offices like, this is bullshit.

Like, this doesn't work. You can't just have a 18-hour-a-day internet service unless you want me to start paying you at a similar rate. I was like, I don't want to pay you for the time when I don't have internet. I'm like, I'm keeping up with it, and I'm not gonna pay it. And they actually did redo my bill, so I didn't pay for, I came up with a percentage.

I said, take 25% off the bill, because 25% of the time, you don't give me internet, and I'm not gonna pay it. But there's no amount of threatening or being a dick to them that will make them run fiber to my house, because it's just not in the cards't i don't think they want to be in the fiber business that's what that's what i took from our conversations it was this thing where like if they were to start doing fiber it would it would mess up everything they got going on it seemed like they'd have to

take a go a whole different direction with their business plan which i guess right now is just take advantage of the poor country people and just have them be happy to get what they get because there's zero competition. Yeah. I have to call AT&T because I called Time Warner and it's like, we don't service your area. Sorry. And I'm like, well, I get that.

What's it cost to service my area? This is a problem that money can solve. And anyway, I've told this before. People don't know. It started at like 13 grand, which, you know, when you're buying a whole house, it's like, you know, just, okay, consider it 13 grand more. You still want it. But it turned out because my neighbors and stuff signed on, I ended up only spending like $4,500 to get. Yeah.

Yeah, that was lucky for you. And that was a – I would have had a hard time getting that done as quickly as you got it done. That was a job that you just couldn't procrastinate on because there were so many moving pieces and so many – you had to go around and be like a rep for your cable company. Like you got to go press the flesh. I did. You got to give the – hey there, I woody and i'm a hey i live right over there neighbor neighbor nice to meet you how would you like some some faster internet and it's not

going to cost you a thing they're like this guy's got a pyramid scheme they're going to slam doors in your faces yeah it was you know hey i'm woody this is who i am i'm going to be your neighbor and uh you know i'm i'm here for this thing i mean it all cards on the table the more people that sign up the cheaper it gets for me but your internet will be about 20 times faster for the same monthly cost you know if that sounds cool to you then let's do this otherwise was anyone not on board everyone was on board uh some people were a little like feet draggy on getting the paperwork done. One guy was excited. Like he was trying to sign up.

Like he heard that I was bringing better neighborhood or better internet to the neighborhood. So he's like online trying to sign up. And when I gave him the paperwork, he's like, this is what I've been needing. He's getting it done and it was all set. And there were other guys who were like, yeah, yeah, I'm in, I'm in. It was like, great, great. Can I get that paperwork? I haven't signed it quite yet.

But it all got done. That would have been so annoying if you ran into a guy who was just against it and wanted to lobby against you in some way on that issue. I know. So I had a piece of property rezoned and I needed it rezoned from, I don't know, maybe agricultural to industrial or maybe residential to industrial. And what would come along with that would be little things like the ability to run certain kinds of machinery 24 hours a day, the ability to use certain kinds of wattage machinery. There's a bunch of little nitty gritty

stuff and I needed it because I had big machines and they were going to, you know, it was a thing. And the neighbors weren't up for it. Because one of the other things that came along was the ability to have a helipad and we jokingly told them that we were going to get a helicopter and we were going to be landing next to their fucking house all the time.

And so I have to go to this board meeting and listen to all this local, if anyone local is listening to this, don't be offended, but it's local fucking politic bullshit that I'm just not interested in. And this guy's over there applying for a permit so he can build a paintball field for his kid.

And he's just sweating bullets like he's being deposed, like on a RICO charge or something. And he's just sweating bullets like he's being deposed like on a rico charge or something and uh he's just not a public speaker and then the people who are against us get up and speak and speak and they're like yeah they're apparently putting in a helipad they're going to be landing helicopters over there they want to put this giant uh machinery and blah blah blah and i'm just like we're not getting a helipad like we're just just calmed down it was it was embarrassing it was awful uh but but we got our way you can't blame them for

not knowing immediately that you were joking you you have done some eccentric things as their neighbor yeah not those people in particular they didn't know me they didn't know what i was up to they uh they just heard helipad and they were like, fuck that. They had horses too. So it was like... Just scare the shit out of them regularly. Yeah, they literally had rescue horses. So, ridiculous.

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I'm messing with my camera. I had to go back and check to make sure you guys were still there. My mistake. I was like, I'll take a minute and see if I can't depalify myself. Didn't really work. You can't see I'm messing with the other camera. I could. Yeah, Credit Karma, it's good. We used it.

We got doxxed. When people put your personal information on the internet, those are the guys you want to reach out to. Makes sense. Yeah, yeah. We're really happy with them. Deadpool. It got officially rated.

Did you see that? I knew it was always going to be. Yeah, I did see it. I knew it would be an R. I didn't know it was going to be an R all this time. It makes me more excited to see it. A lot of my favorite movies are R's. I know they're not pulling any punches. all this time. It makes me more excited to see it. A lot of my favorite movies are ours.

I know they're not pulling any punches. They're going to be good. It's not going to be some sissified version. It's unlikely the director's going to be stifled at any point in there. He wasn't counting the fucks or making sure that the blood wasn't too realistic looking.

I think it's going to be cool. I love the part of their marketing campaign where they're spinning it and making it look like a romantic drama. So you can fly. To get girlfriends going. Yeah, yeah. They're using particularly the parts of the story where it's about his relationship with his girlfriend or wife or whatever she is. And, you know, just not showing the costume or the hijinks or the one-liners the blood or the gore, any of that just making it look like a romantic

drama. Romantic comedy even. Yeah, totally making it look like a chick flick. Which perhaps, I don't know, I think it's a movie girls would like. I haven't seen it. Oh no. No? No, no. He's breaking the fourth wall. he's slicing and dicing

people and and cracking like immature jokes yeah yeah melissa's super excited to see deadpool i'm super she's not your average chick though i was saying i don't think you're excited to see deadpool and they were saying those chicks aren't gonna want to see it yeah i can hear her this this like oh she's i'm really looking forward to it. I feel like it's a role that Ryan Reynolds is perfect for. I think he's really going to do it justice. I won't claim to have known who Deadpool was before Reddit or anything like that, but I now know who Deadpool is,

and I find him to be a really interesting, cool character. I'm right there with you. He seems to be the right level of naughty and vulnerable, which is great. Of course, there's the Superman problem where he's so powerful he can do anything, turn back time, et cetera. And then you go too far in the other direction,

and sometimes it's just not. And you got Bullseye from Daredevil where you can just throw cards really good or like uh i remember watching that uh when it first came out the way he kills the dude when he like is standing there in the dark area he just has his hand open there's a paper clip and he unfolds the paper clip and then like just like shoots at this guy and it sticks him in the neck he's like oh and he dies and it's like what an unbelievably awful talent like if a drunk guy with a pool cue could have beat the fuck out of bullseye in the time it took him to unfurl his little arsenal there and like

sticking that quarter of an inch into your neck like it, it's not going to kill you. I'm not an expert in cartoons, and they did it as well as they could. But in Avengers, you've got Hawkeye, who's just really good at bow and arrows. And he's extraordinarily good at bow and arrows. But it seems like a worthless superpower compared to some of the people he's nearby. Anyone with a rifle is better equipped than hawkeye a marksman with a rifle is infinite like the punisher let's say

the punisher a guy who's real life people fucking bullets but like yeah tim kennedy you know he's a ufc fighter slash uh ex special ops guy way better than that superhero and he's a regular person totally totally 100 he would kill him in a heartbeat but they're i don't like that that's that's that's one of the things i don't like about the marvel stuff is like i like dark and gritty i like um i like frank miller style stuff you know like like graphic novel level and less kiddy and more bloody. Is that the Watchmen guy? The Watchmen and, you know, stuff like Sin City. I want that feel to it rather than what you get a lot of times in Marvel movies.

But I'm not going to complain because look at the superhero movies when we were kids in the 90s. Like, they were just trash. Oh my God, so bad. If Wiggs were here, he would defend some of the 90s batmans but um some of the first one and the first one in particular i like a lot in the second one too

first two batmans are good i liked mr freeze or arnold schwarzenegger as mr freeze no no no that's batman robin it was you are wrong about what you like if i went back and watched it now i'd be like yeah that's shit and i i've seen clips and i'm like how did i think this was cool but that's when i was a little kid i was like this is so cool like i guess it was hot as poison ivy uh but but no those movies were shit after um what's his name um after the director left the one who directed the first two, Tim Burton, they weren't worth watching after that. J.J. Abrams, I think that is the name, right? He was saying the next Star Wars was going to get dark,

and I'm excited about that. A dark, like Empire Strikes Back. I wonder how he would know. Is he talking about the next in his... Yes, he was talking about his own. The one that he's making next, if I understand it right. Is he making the next one? So the current one, I'd love to know how much JJ made off the current, the episode 7 film, because he wrote it, he directed it, and he produced it.

He gets all the money. He gets all the money. You know he's getting at least a point or two on the back end. So even if it's a point, and I know they adjust those grosses a lot, but you would think that JJ doesn't get screwed when they start adjusting grosses. You would think he'd have something in place. Guaranteed accounting of some sort. Yeah.

What was I? Oh, I was watching Die Hard. Someone was saying things you didn't know about Die Hard is watching YouTube videos. And they were like, the whole thing was filmed in a building that was under construction it was like fox something except the party scene which was filmed in the studio but they still rented the studio to the film at full price no discount because you know and they're like it's kind of weird you'd think they'd rent it to themselves at a discount it It's not weird if you've heard anything about the way they do these movies. They just load them up with every cost they possibly can to make the movie less profitable

because sometimes you get people who are earning a percentage of it. So hypothetically, if you could get the movie to rent this room at like a million dollars a day, then great. All that stuff is going to the company instead of going to the people that earn a profit off the movie. Really shitty way of doing business. But it's smart. It's very smart. It's how any of us would do things if we were the studio head or executive or what have you.

I think I'd do it fair. Whatever fair is you know i don't know what that is you don't necessarily have to cut them you'd be like hey uh i built that studio you know if you're not in it then somebody else is in it and they do pay full price why should i lose money just because uh you know i'm producing your movie is it not don't you want it to be profitable for me to work with you and you to work with me no i pay your fucking percentage if if what you outlined is perfectly fair i think or maybe it's a room that's not typically rented out that it's used for like daytime stuff office activities and you know it's unused at nights maybe you don't necessarily rape the movie for you know whatever

overnight usage they took of it i don't know i've only been in one of those places once i went to paramount studios um it's really cool to walk around back there because that's where movies are made like that's how it happens and uh that was cool like we uh it just massive massive massive rooms i've been on, um, like studio, like I went to, is it universal in LA? I went to MGM at Disney world and another place too. And, uh,

of course most of the times those aren't like the actual, actual studios, you know, but you get to see the real props they used and it might be set up somewhere else. It's kind of neat to see like, yeah, it's usually what's neat about it is how unimpressive it is.

You know, it's like, Whoa, that's is how unimpressive it is you know it's like whoa that's the lightsaber but up close you see it and you're like oh it's a stupid prop that's only amazing because it was in a movie and every like you know oh this was the scene where the truck washed away or whatever no it's it's stupid as fuck when you see it in person this is the the shark from jaws right if you see the shark from jaws in person it's gay uh it's only amazing in the context of the score and the storyline it was cool to see like um so when i did that commercial they had on the stage the stage was massive but everything was blue the walls are all blue screen there's blue everywhere except for the

real stuff so like the asphalt you're standing on is real fake asphalt, if that makes sense. It's like rubber asphalt. There's real cars bombed out all around you. There's real stuff, but then everything else is fucking blue. Just imagine that this is here and that's there. Keep in mind that this

is falling like this. There's a lot of imagination that goes into that stuff. I was surprised that they had real props and shit out there's a lot of imagination that goes into that stuff but i i was surprised that they had real props and shit out there that was cool to see like i i was like how did you get these cars in here like like like who who made sure that the rust is like this on the spender so that was neat yeah but yeah deadpools are i'm i'm really excited for him i'm not like some sort of deadpool aficionado but I'm a filthy casual who's totally jazzed about the film. Yeah, same. I feel exactly the same way.

I think it's going to be good. He was in one of the Wolverine or X-Men movies, and they really ruined the character by sewing his lips shut or whatever they did. It's like, wait, you made it so Deadpool can't talk now? It's very, very poorly done.

I'm really looking forward to this. He gets his own movie and it was kind of a grassroots sort of campaign that they all started to get this movie made they sort of leaked that that CGI trailer out there on the internet and you know there were so many people who were into it that he got the movie made did you guys see the Playboy mansions for sale? $200 million and you get to keep the heft. I guess you did. That's the favorite part. I feel, so, again, I'm going to go back to this.

Like, once a person has such an amazing life for like 78 years, you can't ruin their life anymore. It's like, too bad, score is posted. This guy's life is amazing. Now, this guy runs Playboy. Playboy is kind of a dying enterprise you know they used to be a popular Playboy channel like a TV thing I don't know I remember that the internet killed that the Playboy Mansion was a thing that everybody just wishes they could even see in real life I don't even hear about the Playboy Mansion yeah the Playboy magazine I don't know where I'd Playboy Mansion anymore. The Playboy Magazine? I haven't thought about it in a decade.

I don't know where I'd go to buy a Playboy Magazine. They have them at the airport, I guess. Gas stations. Yeah, a seedy gas station that truckers pull off into. A lot of them have them. They're just behind the counters. But to me, the Playboy Magazine is also kind of a dead asset. It's all done. Printed pornography is dead asset you know it's all done paper printed pornography is dead

yeah yeah there's no point i heard i have evidence i don't know if it's true but the playboy magazine is going to get rid of the naked women yeah yeah that's been going for a while yeah so they did it yeah so now they're selling off the playboy mansion but hef is going to live there for the rest of his life he'll'll pay rent on it, but basically you get ownership of it really after he dies. And I'm just thinking, like, how clever. I feel like he's like, you know what?

I get it, I get it. In the end, the whole thing I did didn't work, but I'm just going to continue to live my ridiculous lifestyle in the Playboy Mansion. And by didn't work, I think what we're saying is now Hef's only making $14 million a year or something instead of making like 50 losing money but he has enough assets that it doesn't matter he gets to continue being awesome until the day he dies and he's so old it's not like he has to keep saving like he's on the final stretch

he's probably got hep c for all we know like all that you know rolling around with all those chicks for decades he's done like there's no way he doesn't have something what an interesting life that guys live 200 million dollars that's that's that's outrageous though that's a lot of money even if i won the lottery i would not buy that uh yeah a lot of times when i i look at these extraordinarily expensive homes they're not that bad. Wasn't Notch's home $70 million? Yeah. Yeah. Something like that.

$200 million must be a charge that includes a lot of goodwill. Yeah, like the history of it. Like, well, you know all the stuff that's happened here. I mean, I think that's some pretty pricey real estate it's sitting on. To California. I think it's California. Yeah, maybe you're right. I think there's a lot of property

and grounds. Oh, you want to talk about celebrity spending money? This was funny. Adam Carolla was on Stern and he was talking about hanging out with Kevin Costner. Apparently, over the holidays, Costner invites him out to his place in San Bernardino

in California. He's got real estate, he's got acreage there, as Carolla put it. He's got a compound. They trucked in tons and tons of snow for Christmas so he could have a white Christmas in fucking San Bernardino. They spent a lot of money. We're not talking about a dump truck full of snow. They went sledding. Wow. Costner's got so much money. I wonder where he came from.

He owned Dances with Wolves. He produced that. He got all the money. He made that whole thing into that one best picture and made a ton of money uh and and you know it's not like his other adventures weren't financially successful at least for him maybe the postman didn't do too well at the box office but he still got his payday i'm on edge because everyone doesn't like my revenant anti-choice but i like the postman i thought that i liked it too look kevin costner is one that i i

just disagree with most people was it waterman water world there's postman yeah um i like the postman i loved how lazy his character was what a bag a shitty vagabond type guy he was there at the beginning like they're in he's wounded and that woman's taking care of him in that like snowed in stable type situation and he's literally too lazy to fix himself some food or anything. She's got to wait on him hand and foot. I liked that movie too.

I thought that was a good movie. And Waterworld too. I thought Waterworld was cool. I like Dennis Hopper's character out there. He loses an eye in one of the initial scenes and later on somebody's complaining about something he's like a single tear rolls down my cheek my dad would always use that line whenever i complain about something like a single tear rolls down my cheek i don't give a shit i i i like a lot of costner's films from that age like

those 90s or early 2000s films. They were fantastic to me. Bodyguard. People hold Postman up as an example of awful, god-awful, terrible movie, but I thought it was good. Good movie. Lots of good actors in it. Cool story.

It's what I think would probably be most likely to happen in a post-apocalyptic scenario. You'd get armed groups of people like that. You'd end up with a warlord type situation. That's what usually befalls these African and South American nations. Every guy with more than 30 guns envisions himself as that warlord. That'd be me! I'd be Dennis Hopper in this situation. I'd be whoever the hell was the bad guy in Postman.

That guy did a good job too in his role. You know what I did before the war? I was a copy salesman. Copier salesman. Dude, I worked for salesmen in software for Cisco. Sometimes I'd make selections on semi-expensive

purchases, you know, low seven digits. These guys, I'd ask them about their job and stuff. Sometimes I was curious, like, oh, maybe I'll flip the script and have a job like theirs. A lot of them started as copier salesmen. They'd tell me about the business and how to sell it. They sell extremely expensive copiers to people that don't need them because it's not their money. Like school systems are like,

if we don't use this whole budget, our budget will get reduced next year. So they buy like $150,000 copiers. But when in reality, like a $12,000 copier would do the trick. Yeah. Pretty outrageous. But I just thought that like a $12,000 copier would do the trick. Yeah. Pretty outrageous. But I just thought that was a cool little thing.

He trucked in snow for the kids, and they went sledding in a desert. Somebody cracked the joke that he's also got a big compound in Aspen, Colorado. They're like, he's so rich, he trucked in sand to Aspen. And they had a desert in the winter. You know what I would do if I had that much money? I would bring in snow just randomly across the country and just random snow days in April for kids. Just ruin the roads in a section

to where they can't do anything about it and it's just a snow day for the kids. A lot of collateral damage. Well, you know, but I'd be an eccentric. 14 guys on the West Freeway today after a freak snowstorm that only occurred on that bypass. And other news. School's out, kids!

I'd just be an eccentric billionaire. I'd be an eccentric on Highway 14. You can't even punish those people. Just pay the fine. Do whatever you want. The interesting thing, no one on the show, including Adam, was sure how the snow had gotten there, whether they literally trucked it in

or if they had a snow-making machine. But the thing is, with a snowblower, like they use it at resorts and stuff, ski resorts, is it's blowing that snow into the air, and then it settles on the ground. But if you do that when it's 70 degrees outside, I feel like it just melts before it hits the ground. Yeah. That is a sprinkler. Yeah,

that's a sprinkler. So they actually had to bring snow in trucks. And when you think about that, it's like, alright, so did they make some artificial snow somewhere indoors and then drive it across town? I was like, ah, it's just another truck full of water. God damn it, send it back. Get another one down here.

It's not like soap suds or anything. That's it, send it back. Get another one down here. It's not like soap suds or anything. That's what Stern thought at first. He thought it was artificial snow. No, no, no. It's snow. Make a snowball, make a snow cone, kind of like fucking snow, snow. So crazy. Yeah.

Ridiculous. I can't imagine how much that would cost, but I doubt it would be so much that it would ruin you or you'd be thinking about it the next year if you're a Kevin Costner type guy. But it'd be a really cool present for some kids. That'd be a Christmas you wouldn't forget. Some people just have

a lot of wealth. It's a lot of wealth. And Costner can go get more any time he wants, if you think about it. Oh, yeah. He's available for $20 million a film, and he'll make you a profit on that.

I don't know about that anymore. I don't know, because I don't see him working anymore. I guess he's retired. I haven't seen him do anything in a long time. Yeah, he's not actually just box office name anymore. No? Yeah, no. But I'm sure he could go get some money. I mean, if he needed to get a couple million out there, I'm sure he could make that happen.

I just don't think that anybody's gonna pay him 20 million to star in the film anymore. Yeah. Well, he's making some movies. He made one, two, three three four movies in 2014 one in 2015 mcfarlane usa and he's doing criminal this year and it's in post-production now

the last film i saw of his uh that I liked a lot was Mr. Brooks. Have either of you seen this? Oh, it's a great movie. It's a really good movie. It's got Dane Cook in it, I think. It's got Dane Cook in it, and I think it's got William Hurt in it, but I confuse William Hurt with another actor a lot. But basically, what do you would like this?

Basically, Kevin Costner's a serial killer, and he has an imaginary friend I think it's William Hurt who like occasionally appears and they have like discussions but obviously is imaginary she's not really there and the friend is you know always really gonna fuck it up you're gonna fuck it up do it right and Costner like he literally goes into like people's bedrooms and like kills them with a silenced pistol or something like that. He kills lots and lots of people. Dane Cook witnesses him doing this

and instead of turning him in says, I want to be a killer. Teach me your ways. Let's be killers together. You get a feature film that's very similar to Dexter. It's a good movie. I bet you've seen this with Man of Steel.

The Superman movie? Of course. Superman course jor-el's father his earth his kansas father i'm sure he didn't make 20 million for that but i wonder if he got like one and a half million for that little role that'd be pretty sweet that would be my guess i just feel like i don't know i guess he's spending a lot of money every year but i i i just picture a guy with a hundred million, right? But he's still only spending like 3 million a year and you throw in one and a half and all of a sudden it's a really cheap year for him. Yeah. 3 million gets you pretty far.

I mean, after a while you have the watch you want and you're driving the car you like and you know, what are you buying this year? Yeah, what else can you get? Yeah, you've got... $150 million. That's what it says here. That he's worth?

Yeah. Jesus. Yeah. That's wonderful. That's wonderful. That's generational wealth. His kids will be rich. His grandkids are rich.

His grandkids. His great-grandkids. That's crazy. Unless there's are rich. His grandkids. His great grandkids. That's crazy. Unless there's one jackass along the way. Then it all goes to shit. Yeah. Watch it on...

I figured who I was thinking of. Anyway. Apparently he's part Cherokee. Oh. I'm looking at his profile here. 60 years old six feet tall kevin michael costner that's actually his real name hmm all right question stole it from ask reddit what's the last time you spent a lot of money on something that you later regretted. Yeah.

Kyle, I wonder. I've got one for Kyle I can think of. I don't know if it's the most recent. The boat? The boat is what I had, yeah. Yeah, the boat. I'll probably use the boat because the boat, like, not only – I feel like if you go and spend a bunch of money on a stereo system,

then, like, let's say you drop five ten grand on a stereo system and you've got like that thing that Jesse had in Breaking Bad in his living room um sure you regret it but you can still listen to those badass tunes five years from now and you're still way ahead of everybody else's stereo game but that

boat just lost value and became worthless to me as even a thing like had no interest in it so the boat the boat yeah taylor what's the last thing you bought that was expensive i don't buy a ton of expensive stuff um well i'll tell you my example for me is not nearly what kyle's been uh i guess like eight months nine months ago I got really back into Magic the Gathering briefly with Melissa and I ended up spending

like hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of dollars on new cards because I hadn't played in so long I was like well I gotta catch up I'm gonna start playing all the time and then I played regularly for a couple months and of course now they're all sitting behind me on that shelf

haven't been playing in a while so not like a huge i didn't it's not a boat but it's uh you know 500 bucks or so that's quite a bit of money to spend on something that i haven't touched in months i'm sure if i went back a year i could find a bigger purchase but not long ago i bought new headphones started getting really excited so i have these bows i think they're the i20s or something like that. They're the earbuds, but they're noise canceling. And they're great. They're amazing. And when I travel with them, like what it does to a plane, it just silences it.

When you put them on in a store, you didn't even realize how loud the HVAC system was in that store. They're incredible. And I love my in that store. They're incredible. And I love my earbuds from Bose. They're fantastic. So I thought, you know what, for the desk, I'm going to get these headphones, right? Because I don't like wearing earbuds all day. And I'll get these for my desk. Well, my audio is a little weird in that I can't hear my own voice through my headset. And it's nice to hear it. You sort of miss it. But with the headphones I wear, they're open on the sides. They look closed, but it's called like an open sound stage or something. And it means that I can hear the room. Cool. Fine. This silences everything so effectively that I can barely hear myself talk. And it's a weird thing to not hear your own voice.

It runs anti-noise that silences even me. And I can hardly hold a conversation without being able to hear myself. They're only good for listening. They're not good for what we do here. And I guess for $200, even though they're great at what they intend to do, they're not great at this.

Maybe I wish I didn't buy them. I'm trying to think how much the, I'm looking to see how much those parrot headphones that Kitty and I have are, but they, they cancel so much noise. I, I love them.

You, I mean, I'll have to show you these. They're regarded as the best noise canceling i don't know maybe the parent wasn't in that competition but they're really really good at canceling noise it's incredible like you put them on and you're just like i don't even know the room was loud you know there are things that you don't even think you hear and then it's just like whoa it's almost like a vertigo thing like the noise can't you know

like the technical specs because because because i don't know anything about that but this is what i have it has that thing where that noise canceling thing where uh let me try to find the description so i'm trying to look can i I share this? I think I could share this. So Kyle has this. Parrot Zeek wireless noise-canceling headphones. I don't know how to compare noise handling without wearing them both. What I have, I'll search for this. Bose QuietComfort 25. These are wireless.

I don't know if yours are. They're not. Mine are wired. What I have are these things. And they're nice. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't link for you guys. I bought these.

And they're really great. Hotel California is one of the few songs I know that are mixed to really take advantage of good sound and I went I got the flack version and listen to it and I just in all its glory and and then I try to like talk to you guys on PKN and I'm all freaked out because I can't hear myself. Yeah, it's really disorienting not to be able to hear yourself. When we

do videos, I really prefer to have the noise, the self-adjusting headphones, the electronic ear pro, so I can hear myself talking. Because if I use just like foamies, I'm effectively deaf and I can't hear myself to see what I sound like

if I'm enunciating correctly. Right. I don't know if I said that word right. I think you would find these things to be foamies on steroids. You really just, it freaks you out. I like those things, the parrot ones, because they've got like,

you control them with touch and which sounds really confusing but after a while you learn that like a circle does one thing and a stripe to the back and down they do very simple things like like like volume and channel um but they you know they hook up through bluetooth to my phone and i can listen to audiobooks kind of on the fly without any wires. That sounds really good. Also, I know you're an Android guy, but the new Apple phones are rumored to not have headset jacks anymore. So Bluetooth would be future proof. Seriously?

There's no headphones? God, they're awful sometimes. They always want to make it thinner, man. Such dicks. Is that a big deal? Fucking Apple, no one else is prioritizing a quarter millimeter like you. Everyone else is prioritizing a standard charging cable. Yeah, micro USB is what you need.

But you and I were talking about this the other day, Taylor. Both of our phones have that issue where you've got to prop them up to make them charge because the micro USB is so ineffective over time. It wears out. The part that receives it gets loose, it seems. Just putting it in there doesn't

form the connection. You have to put it in there and apply some torque or some tension to the adjoining parts so that they make contact. that's true but i can't count the number of friends i have with iphones that have the same thing they have to do with that iphone charger or they have the problem of like that that white shitty cord just frays and there's wires everywhere i was gonna so much faster i was gonna go the other way yeah we

we have a bunch of i whatever products like ipads iPads and iPhones and stuff like that in the house. And I feel like the lightning connector is great. And my son in particular abuses it so much that he like breaks cords all the time. Sometimes he breaks cords off and I have to like remove it out. And as rough as he is, the device is always as good as new. You know, we need new cords sometimes because he'll like leave it plugged in and like carry it, you know, like yank it in the room. But, you know, even with him doing that,

they always charge perfectly. You just need a new cord sometimes. I think I'm gonna get an Apple next time around. It's about time again. I think I want an iPhone next time. Just, I've just had such poor luck with the Android phones, one after another. And I've spent money

a couple times. It wasn't time to upgrade, but I just had to have a phone. I've just dropped cash. I think that LG G3 was like, I think I paid $800, $900, something like that. And the phone before it, the Galaxy S, I think it was the S4 i think i had the

s4 and it was new when i got it and again i had to pay for it and and both of i had two s4s i had i had the lg um and uh i had an s5 as well i had i've had the s4s and the five and both of all of them had issues i either had an s3 and s4 or an and 5. I think the former. I think I had a 3 and a 4. And they just didn't... I mean, they worked fine. And the one thing I really liked, while vlogging, I could press a button and switch cameras. Love that. Love that.

Yeah. And the picture-in-picture thing, where you get both combined. That was a cool feature as well. Yeah. I feel like for vlogging, they were probably better than the Apple stuff. Although the audio was slightly worse. The video was slightly better. Well, the video was considerably better because you could...

I definitely agree on that. That thing was great to be able to do. Because I would send little videos to my girlfriend when I was away. And you'd be able to say, I don't know, I'm pointing at a tank, but my face is in it. So I can be like, and that part. So you see me gesture and the camera also points. It's cool. It's perfect for vlogging yeah yeah

i mean like walk into a movie theater with my daughter and i want to be like hey we're here but i kind of want to be on camera but i want to be showing you the thing so we could just be a little you know postage stamp in the side it it was much i wish apple would get on the ball with that but um they're too busy getting rid of headphone jacks. I bet there's probably an app you can get that would allow you to do that maybe to utilize both the rear facing and forward facing cameras

simultaneously. I looked into it one time. It was a hardware limitation, but maybe there's new. I love my 6 so much. On a daily basis, when I talk to Siri or use it or how long the battery lasts or the things it does, how strong the voice recognition is. I think because I don't do the thumb typing as well as probably a lot of our listeners do. I use the voice dictation more than average.

And it's fantastic. Most of the times I write to you, like I see Kyle write something, I see Mirka write something, and then I'll be like, paragraph of my opinion? That's all spoken. My dad is one step worse than you. He records those voice memos. He'll send you a voice memo. And you know, at first I hated it. At first I was like, let's see what he has to say.

But then I realized he's really packing a lot of information in his thing. He's getting a whole audio conversation out of the way right now. He's like, hey, I went to do the thing. he has to say but then i realized he's really packing a lot of information in his thing he's he's he's getting a whole audio conversation out of the way right now he's like hey i went to do the thing i did the thing the brake shoes were this much this was that much i'm gonna be here at this time today see you there if you come by and i'm like oh shit i did just get all that in like eight seconds so okay let me really re-listen to that five times with a pen. No, how about you just fucking write?

Yeah. Yeah. Um, he, you know, I don't want to get into any trouble. No one really complains about my text messages. I don't know if you're just being polite, but I think they're good.

No, you're fine. Yeah. No, I don't, I don't mind a, I don't mind a, a paragraph or anything.

People who still leave fucking voicemails piss me off. That is the most inconsiderate, awful way to try and contact someone. I don't answer if I don't know the number. I don't answer if I don't know the number, so I always appreciate a voicemail because I'm sure sometimes it's someone calling, letting me know that, hey, maybe my insurance company is saying I need you to fill out a new form,

or my bank telling me my card's been stolen, but I'm just like, I don't't know you I'm just putting it off like leave me a voicemail if you want to get in touch with me and I'm not answering because that's why I'm screening your ass I don't know it used to not be set up I think it's set up so that it says you've reached this number leave a message I think one thing I've never done is, you know, this is, or I guess I used to, but it's just silly because if someone gets your number, then it just confirms that they've got the right number and I'm kind of a you can't get blood from a stone

kind of guy when it comes to that sort of thing. So if you prank phone called me a dozen times, I would never speak into the phone. My mode of operation is to answer and then mute myself and listen to you put you on the hot seat like i'm listening for some some context clues about how to get you back for fucking with me right now i'm listening for like like a train whistle and someone to mention seattle and i'm coming to get you i'll change my number i've had like three numbers in the last six years you know yeah like oh do people know it fuck this it's never

secure again yeah i changed my number um uh it's been changed probably three to three or four times since i've known you i would say at least um yeah and i i think some people think i'm a dick because like they're like texting me and i'm not replying back but they just don't have my new number and i have so many kyle's saved in my contacts where I have like Kyle Myers, PKA, Kyle Myers Kyle from YouTube, YouTube Myers, like just so many different ones in there from all the times that you'd text me and be like, hey, lost it again this is my number now I had rough luck with phones there for a while, it seemed like I was either breaking them

or they were breaking themselves, one thing or another. That's what I was saying with those Galaxy phones. I'd have these weird issues that I would Google and others would have the same issue, but you'd never heard it on any kind of a mainstream tech blog or anything. Nobody's ever saying, check out the brand new S5. By the way, it occasionally

makes a random clicking noise and locks for eight seconds. It does that, and if you google it lots of people experience this all of a sudden your phone will just become a bit unresponsive and go tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick and it's a it's a ticking noise that you've never even heard come out of your phone before you're like i didn't even know you were capable of making a noise like that i feel like if apple did that, it'd be like TickGate, right? And videos would get 50 million views about TickGate. And the CEO would be answering the tick issue.

And there'd be, I don't know either, a software fix immediately. Apple fucks up and it's a huge deal. It would overheat. And it would overheat so much that you're probably aware. Like, you know, maybe you put a piece of hot food in your mouth and it burns your tongue, but you could spit it out on your hand and your hand can take the heat better. So you're just like, ah, God damn, that chicken was hot. And you know, you notice it probably didn't burn your hand. So keeping that in mind, this thing would get so goddamn hot. You couldn't really hold it in your

hand. And it's just like, what are you doing? I'd pop the battery pack off and like sit it on an AC vent and leave it for about 10 minutes so it could cool back down. It would, I would be texting and let's, and I text really fast. I use swipe to text and I've gotten good at it and learning how to do, you know, common words in the right swipe. And I've been using it for like two years on this phone or whatever. So it's got, it's got that, it learns the words you like to use. And so I'm really fast, maybe typing the four people simultaneously carrying on doing four

different conversations and typing and sending pictures back and forth and sending links and the phone would just bog down to the point where i was making keystrokes before the phone could catch up i'd be like all alright, double back, click, and then I'd start typing a word, and it's not even to the screen where the words are received yet, but I would type the word really fast, and then I'd sit the phone down and watch it, and four seconds later, it would go to that screen, and then the word would start materializing. This is not what a phone should be doing in 2014, 2015, whatever.

I don't know if my standards are low, but I am sometimes still amazed at what phones do now. I can't believe I've got the entire internet in my pocket. The wealth of human knowledge, all of human knowledge that there has ever been, like everything. If you want to do

some woodworking right now, you can find detailed woodworking tips from craftsmen, guys who have spent decades learning these things about how to use this burl wood the correct way to achieve this particular look. But then in the same swipe of your thumb, you can find a machinist who spent 30 years working for GE and he can tell you how to hone out or bore out a hole in a certain way using a tool that you didn't even imagine could work that way. You need a square hole?

Didn't know you could do that. But this guy knows how. You know, triangular holes with drill presses and shit. Like, oh, my God, that's a thing? I love seeing those GIFs of those happening. I always enjoyed that show, How It's Made, when they go into the plants, factories. Really cool to see how that stuff happens. My son loves that show. Yeah, made when they go into the plants factories really cool to see

how that stuff happens yeah great show my dad loves it i hate their lazy episodes though where it'll be like how's an ice cream sandwich made it's like oh riddle me that how it's made how the fuck is this gonna turn out first there's a plane of ice cream floating down the conveyor belt it's the size of an olympic pool and it like, do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do and it shows it cutting it all. It's layered under the chocolate patties. The cool ones are when it's like...

It needs to be just the right level of cool, right? Because they're like, how is a John Deere tractor made? And I'm like, ooh, this is going to be great. First they take the chassis and then they add all this stuff. Tractor. You left out way too many steps.

I don't like the ones where you watch the episode, and in the beginning it'll say bowling balls and Bic pens. Any episode where I can look at an item and be like, I got a pretty good idea on how they make that. Like I don't want that one. The word is like candles. Yeah. Candles. Oh, did you pour the wax in a thing and let it dry? That's my guess.

The master waxsmith travels into the forest to collect the wax. They'll show how to make like a saxophone or something, and I'm transfixed watching them get all the valves correct and watching that somebody's got to play this shit to make sure it's going to sound right it's just the right level of complexity a saxophone like that's when they really get it right i think i'm off camera that's when they really get it right like a saxophone like you said there's some play testing i saw him make a microphone like it was a ribbon microphone which isn't the kind that i use and uh like that was

really neat to me and how they test it. And it was pretty handmade, you know? So there's like this woman who probably be considered unskilled labor. If she ever had the transfer jobs, but at this, she was an artisan and, you know, just made these perfect mics that sold for like five figures and really cool stuff. But if it's too complicated, they really don't show you how, and if it's too complicated, they really don't show you how. And if it's too simple,

they didn't have to show me how. I like anything with sort of blacksmith style tech when they're making stuff like that. I like that stuff when they're tempering steel. I really enjoy that show because I'm curious about it. Are you any good at that? The whole tempering, quenching, fast cool down, slow cool down, crazy?

We made some knives once and I don't remember the process, but we looked it up and we followed a bit of a recipe and we made knives out of railroad spikes. I was going to say that. Yeah. Yeah. We hammered them out

and made a nice dull on one side, blade on the other kind of knife. Of course, it's poor steel you start with, so you have to do those steps. And by the time we were done, it worked as a knife. It looked okay, and it was hard. But the thing's lost the wayside. You can get free railroad spikes. If you just walk down the railroad like I did as a kid, there would be ones laying there that didn't perform their job anymore and they're all rusty and you can just pick it up and you've got railroad spikes like free metal and uh you know a lot of

people make knives out of it but that i've been taught a couple times the like you heat it up and then you quench it and then you heat it up again and then you quench it, and then you heat it up again, and you slowly do this, and it aligns crystals and atoms and shit. Well, you're getting some carbon in there. I guess what's happening, if I understand correctly, when you heat it up, you're expanding the matrix of the molecules

and allowing the carbon to get in there. And then when you quickly quench it, those molecules are shrinking back down and retaining some of that carbon, not allowing it to get free. So you're hardening the steel by adding more carbon to get in there, and then when you quickly quench it, those molecules are shrinking back down and retaining some of that carbon, not allowing it to get free. So you're hardening the steel by adding more carbon to it. I think I got that mostly correct. There's some words in there. Yeah, yeah. The higher the carbon, the more brittle the steel is, but it's a hard edge that won't dull, but it's also a blade that you could shatter, so you've got to find

kind of a happy median between hardness and um durability you know what i don't like on uh the how it's made is when they're making things that you see as like intimate that like you you want to believe that like it just goes from machine to package to your door and you're the first to touch it and then that losing is shattered sometimes where it's like showing a whole conveyor belt of fucking toothbrushes and it's like, Enrique tests every one to make sure that they can scrub his teeth effectively. It just shows that little

happy music, Enrique. His teeth are perfect. Just immaculate teeth, Enrique. No dental benefits, but this jet is good. Yeah, that'd be great. I really don't... Don't you kind of want to believe that too

when you see something? Like it was never touched by another person? Yeah, I always just pretend that like I'm the first. Like when this mug showed up in the mail, like God knows how many hands touched this before me. But I ran it under the sink, did one of these, threw the water out,

and then poured my soda in it and just went to it. God knows what happened between. Right. I love this, though. I'm such a narcissist that this is as good as it gets for someone like me. I'm sitting there sipping from it, looking at my girlfriend like, yeah, I got one. You don't. Fuck you.

Other people are going to buy these. There are other people drinking out of this with my face on this is probably an inappropriate question i in my head you guys are getting more serious with your girlfriends all the time i yeah yeah i think so tell you guys ever talk about marriage uh no not really really we're not on that page right now like i i'm not down for that for a while how long have you been dating uh jesus i don't know like two and a half years two and a half years three years jackie and i dated for four years before we got married but i would say say six weeks in, it was kind of a known thing. That was the plan we were always trending toward.

Yeah, that's the plan that we're going to be together. It's just no other steps are needed for now. I don't think I'm increasing the seriousness level or anything. I think we've kind of plateaued, and I'm pretty happy with where we are. Marriage isn't something that i have any interest in um to me it seems like unless you're going to raise a family it's just not even required it's just a piece of paper to me like if if if for religious reasons or spiritual reasons she wanted to do a ceremony like yeah let's get married there but until their attack and still i'm gonna But until there are tax advantages or some actual

reason for me to get that legal fucking contract written up, like, I have no interest in that. You have nothing to gain from it. Nothing to gain, but plenty to lose. And then it's like, all right, now I got to have a prenuptial agreement drawn up. Now I've got to, like, have this hanging over my head. I feel like it would add pressure to everything rather than make anything better. I'm pretty happy with what I've got going on right now. We're going on a vacation

after this month. Chiz is coming. So me, my girlfriend Chiz, Kitty, and I think that's the group plus a couple of Kitty's friends who already live in that area are all going to go rent a pretty nice little house and go have a week up in the mountains. It's going to be good.

You're not saying where? Colorado. We're in Colorado. The specific area doesn't matter, but it's very remote. Cool. I only asked so I could know what to say. Yeah. He's going Milky Way.

Somewhere in the Milky Way where you can't find him absolutely yeah i think it's gonna be fun i doubt anybody's gonna brave the fucking 20 degree weather to come bug me on my vacation or anything but um but yeah i think it's gonna be fun i've never been there before i've never i've only been to the mountains that are to like a real snowy type area that one time when Killington with you I was telling somebody about that the other day about that ridiculous rental car that you were in coming up that hill oh that was awful

it was a Toyota it was a Toyota Cervix the clipmobile was it the electric one no it wasn't electric god what is it had about 15 horsepower Was it the electric one? No, it wasn't electric. God, what is 20's smallest core? It had about 15 horsepower.

Yeah. The funny thing is, Woody was coming up this icy mountain to Killington to meet us, and he was several hours late, but it wasn't his fault. He had all these travel issues. And he was moving at about 25 25 30 miles an hour up the hill but his wheels are spinning about 50 miles an hour to get that speed yeah uh actually that's not what happened it had this traction control so even if you floored it it would just barely turn the tires okay and uh like it i don't know i would have rather spun the tires and see what i could

get with it i didn't see any way to turn off the traction control i still can't find this car is it a it was the smallest shittiest toyota yeah because i have a friend who has is it a yaris yeah i think it was a yaris like this little egg looking thing that just sounds like uh you know when little kids get those Jeeps that they sit in that's powered by 6D batteries and they around the living room. It sounds like that. It's the kind of car

that nobody wants. People have to settle for it. It was quite bad. I just remember when you pulled in the yard I met you outside and I was like, yeah, follow me. We'll go around back and I'll show you where to park. And I was like, let's race. And I'm running as fast as I can in like, I don't know,

eight inches to maybe two feet of snow. It varied. And he's driving as fast as he can through the icy wet snow. And we're making about the same speed. I think Kyle was faster. Yeah, yeah. I couldn't keep up with the man on foot in this car. This is a depressing car.

And then if someone has it, they have to put on a face of like, well, you know, great fuel economy. No, I had to worry about my seat. You know, I'm going green, you know. Not by choice. I used to have a Ford Focus, which I think is a level higher than the Yaris in my opinion.

But I didn't like it. I didn't like it. I'd walk through the parking lot and every car, I wish I had that one more than my own. Yeah. I told my girlfriend that story, like you just told, about you having the Focus and that feeling of every car is better than mine. This is as bad as it gets. God damn it yeah and it's subjective you know to some people that might be like i like it it's nimble i can

park it easily i can change lanes and maybe that's what they're looking for there's somebody in a pinto over there looking at your green grass or even my car wasn't explosive wrist like that focus there could be someone in an old full-size truck saying, man, I wish my car started that quickly and got that kind of economy or whatever. But for what I like in a vehicle, a Ford Focus is the opposite. Yeah.

Focus is pretty fucking lame. And there are very shitty trim levels of the Focus because it's their bottom tier car. They make a bottom tier of the Focus. They got the two-door hatchback. I think it's like an X something 3. It used to be. And you got a four-cylinder engine, a five-speed,

no electric anything, cloth seats. That's what I had. It goes vroom, vroom. That's about it it had a um i think it had a tape deck but no cd player it had manual windows it has a five speed stick shift um kind of sporty even for a four cylinder i always thought though like i like what i thought when i first got it it was like yeah you know it's kind of a sporty thing and it just won this like european car of the year thing and so it was like imported in the u.s and it's like oh yeah we finally get

those cool european cars that that they never bring here and uh but then you drive it for a while and you realize the tires are like four inches wide and it's just they really are they really are very very uh narrow it's it's a shitty car it really is it's quite bad um and they might have gotten better mine was a long time yeah they have gotten better i even net i feel like new cars now are are all fairly nice but i guess every generation does right you know if in 2004 you probably thought of 2004 looked pretty slick but can you believe every car comes with air conditioning now there used to be an option you. Now it's like heated seats are practically standard. So it's standard across the board pretty much.

But for our lost leaders, a lost leader is like a car that's out there in the papers for like $8,000 brand new, but you get there and it's not really there. But what we had to do so that we're not technically defrauding people because people are serious about that Better Business Bureau shit. They will report you. We would special order one to be extra shitty. You know what I mean? Sure, the F-150 originally

had carpet in the floorboard, but we told them to rip it out and replace it with rubber. It actually cost more in the long run, but rubber. We would order them to order it without an air conditioner or without a heater, shit like that in Atlanta. Basically, you've got a brand new 2015 F-150 for $8,595.

No AC. No AC, no anything. It's an engine and a transmission, and it's got the doors and the seats in it and that's it like it's it's made to be a car that you don't want so that they'll come in say well i don't want that and you'll say well if you want this this this and that look at this fifteen thousand dollar one or look at this twelve thousand dollar used one that you know you can actually make a profit on yeah that you've stripped out some must-haves you know yeah you strip out the must-haves but but you're like hey it doesn't even come with carpet i'm like i can

still deal with that loss leader me bitch i'll take it yeah you're like you're like even in mad max they had a windshield anyone ever buy those yeah. Some people would make a point of it. I remember, so I don't think this is racist at all, but the truth is that Asians are the most, they come from, some Asians come from a culture of bartering, and so they come in and they really bust your balls. And they're very cheap, too. I notice that every single time. And this Korean guy came in and just hassled us for hours

on this $9,000 F-150. And he was just like, he wanted more off. That wasn't good enough. Like, we're just like, take it or leave it. We don't fucking care. And he's like, no, no, you've got to come down to this price. You've got to come down. And he's got the paper from like a week prior

when we were selling it for a lower price, but that's neither here nor there. And I just remember my manager freaking out and being like, cause the guy had broken English and it was just a bitch to even, you know, negotiate with him. Uh,

he knew numbers, but that was it. So I'm constantly writing up agreements and sign here and just, just pushing and pushing and pushing. And my manager finally sees we can't close and he's just he rips the newspaper out of the guy's hand that he kept pointing to he's like this is no good no good no good bad bad crumples that fucking newspaper throws it in the floor worthless worthless nine thousand dollars nine thousand he circles circles here sign sign he's

like no no still too high he's's like, get out, get out. That's it. Just walks away. That was my favorite part of that job was when there were, you've got to kiss the customer's ass up until the point where you know that you can't sell them a car.

And then you can flip it 180 degrees and be as big of a dick as you want. And so I'm just as excited about selling a car as I am about finding a situation where I can't sell a car. Because I get to finally be like, well, fuck you anyway, Bob. You asshole. You time-wasting roach. We'll see.

I'm not in the market for a car right now. I get truck fever every so often. I've been talking about it for a while right now i'm like oh you know i'm glad and buy one i have done nothing but work for months now it'd just be sitting in the driveway doing nothing scott's truck had an interesting um little accessory i guess that i didn't notice until today he showed it to me when you let the bed down the top portion of the bed in the center pulls out and there's like a step and then it's got like a handle that that turns

up bed to grab on to and he was talking about sometimes he's got to carry heavy parts and get them in the back and he'll just step up in it with the part and sit it down it looked really functional yeah i was jealous yeah, it looks pretty cool. I've seen it on YouTube a lot, that step, and it's good. The Chevys, on the other hand, just have it sort of built into the bumper. And I don't know what I like better. Like his goes lower and it has a handrail. So his is definitely better, but it's like a 15-second setup.

And there seem like a lot of moving parts. So I wonder when that thing's 16 years old if it's still a 15 second setup and there seemed like a lot of moving parts so i wonder if when that thing's 16 years old if it's still going to work like that or if it's going to be all like rusted and you kind of poke it in and it's gritty because of whatever i didn't mess with the step but on the chevy it's just the bumper is like carved out like a step you know that's going to be the same for your life yeah i always liked the step-side trucks. I thought they looked much better than the straight beds. My F-150 had those.

I always liked that look. It just was a much more attractive truck in my eyes when it had the step-side. Taylor, are you ever going to get a truck and man up a little bit? Stop being such a goddamn pussy. I don't know. Maybe someday. I don't know, maybe someday. I don't really want a truck. What are you going to do when you need a hundred fucking hay bales to build a castle with? Yeah, how are you going to bring home all that mulch?

Well, that's what I was getting to. I'm going to get an SUV. I'd like to get a really nice Jeep Grand Cherokee. You're taking the kids to soccer. No, no. Something I could take, load all the guns in the back go shooting i mean i've i've gone out on those hills before in my chrysler like driving on dirt roads like so i can set up and then we can go shooting and i just look like a real dick out there in that thing it looks like

a drug dealer's car and i'm like shooting clays and it's like a real conflict of cultures uh i really like the jeep grand cherokee like the srt8 one uh real quick and they're i don't know they're really nice on the inside my friend of mine had one of those it was like sixty thousand dollars his parents were millionaires they just bought it for him um i don't know ever since then i've wanted one of those but as far as the truck goes now no i don't use it enough to justify it and i'd feel like a prick you can get used cherokees really reasonably like you can get a beautiful one for 30 grand or you can get an expensive one for like you know eight grand or something that still has a lot of life in it but they keep showing up as like a car not to buy i've seen that like i had an 04 grand cherokee uh before i got this car i'm in and I liked it. It works.

It's had way less problems than this stupid fucking thing that I'm in now that has had... I bet I've spent $5,000 on this thing just in... You should try a non-Chrysler car if you'd like to see what reliability is like. I know. I just like the look of the Jeeps and I like...

You're so right. God, Chrysler always crushes it with their design. And the trucks, too. Like, the Rams, in my mind, beautiful looking. And they're so macho compared to, like, the Ford and the Chevy. The new ones don't even have a stick shifter, though. They have this goofy little dial that you, like, twist it. Like, drive.

I'm going to go to reverse because we're in the fucking future now. This is too hard. That's why I like the f-150s having it on the floor i i like that i don't like having it on the column uh yeah i don't know i always have stick shifts but it i i saw that dial and i thought it was pretty cool actually um but you know i saw some guy wearing leather gloves it was like yeah see. That's perfect for cowboys. When I'm wrestling cattle, I can't be taking time to shift down. I need a quick spin, and I'm on my way. It was just like, look, that dial was sized so that you can operate it with work gloves on, like a lot of things in trucks are.

It just seemed perfect. Yeah, I don't know. I really like a lot of things in trucks are it just seemed perfect um yeah i don't know i i really like a new truck but i also you know it it burns me up inside like if i had a new truck sitting in the driveway right now getting 4 000 miles a year i'd feel silly that's for you i feel like a lease is actually a thing you should imagine this if you got. If you got like, I don't know which would be more attractive, but maybe a 24-month lease with really low mileage per year because you're not going to drive it much. You could do a 24 or 36-month lease on one of these badass, crazy expensive trucks and put the mileage low,

like 8K a year, something like that. And you'd know right away that, you know, and put the mileage low, like 8,000, 8K a year, something like that. And you'd be able to, you'd know right away that, all right, I'm going to sink whatever the payments would be. You know, I'm going to sink $8,000 into a new truck experience. Once it's all over, you got nothing to show for it, right? But you still get that experience you wanted without sinking $60,000. Yeah, I don't know. I think leases sometimes make sense.

It just depends on what... I used to deal with a lot of customers, and I would ask them, like, so what's your mode of operation with vehicles? Like, what was your last car? How long ago was that? And the one before that, and the one before that. And I'm like, look at this pattern here. You buy a new car every three years. Why are you eating all this depreciation every time? If you know going in that part of your

life is just going to be a car payment, that part of your life that has $600 carved out in it that every month you're going to be paying for a car because you like a new one every three years and you're just not going to get this thing paid off and then hang on to it for a dozen years like the other half of society might do, then leasing a car might be the best option. You're going to still have that payment. You're going to get a lower payment, and you're going to know that, oh, my lease is almost up. It's time to get a new car.

Time to do it again. I have been the other guy in society thus far, though. My truck is 13 years old now. It's 2016. That's definitely a more responsible way to do it, right? But it requires the added things like maintenance and storage that come along with keeping a car for a decade or more. But I think it's the better option.

I mean, you've got your truck. It's awesome. It's awesome. You paid whatever you paid for it. It's $20,000 or whatever. Like, you know, you pay, you paid whatever you paid for it. That's 20,000 or whatever. And like, that's, you know,

then you just maintained it and it's still trucking. It's still being a truck. And all these years later, my last car payment was in 2003. There you go. So that's nice. You want to call the show there? I could do that.

I need to get some sleep tonight. All right. I gotta get up in the morning and work. Check out our sponsors, our merch, Patreon. Patreon guys got to see my wife model the capes the last PK end. Definitely worth it. Check that out. Cape modeling.

I even modeled the capes. We should come up with our own line of capes, and that could be a thing. We need PK branded capes. Of course we do. Oh, they'll be hot sellers. All right. PKA episode 265. Thanks, everyone.