Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #270

Episode Date: February 26, 2016

This week on PKA, the fabulous Sailing La Vagabonde join the guys to talk about living the dream out on the seas, some rapey feeling local foreigners and hippy body odor management.

Live PKA episode 270. We have four sponsors tonight. We just want everyone to check the link in the description down below for Trunk Club, Squarespace, Dollar Shave Club, and MVMT Watches. You're going to hear more about all of them. Check the link in the description down below for Trunk Club, Squarespace, Dollar Shave Club, and MVMT Watches. You're going to hear more about all those guys later in the show, but for now, let's get to it. We got a cool guest this week. What have you been watching these guys for a while. Tell the audience who they are to start with. So your YouTube channel,

God, I'm horrible pronouncing things, but it's Sailing La Vagabonde. Do I have that right? And it's Riley and Elena. And what these... Elena, yeah. I'm going to struggle. Messing up names is kind of my thing.

We love it. we love it actors actresses movies technical things graphics cards the english language in general is not firmly in hand please don't take it personally if i miss it up all day but um i've been watching these guys i don't know i don't want toate. It had to be at least a year. I've gone through, I think, your entire back catalog. And what they do is they sail around the world. Riley had, I can't recall exactly. It was some fairly well-paying job that didn't spiritually pay off, if I have the story right. He flew over to maybe the Mediterranean somewhereranean somewhere maybe or north of australia

bought a boat quickly met alana who goes by elena i think and uh and just call me elaine i'll mess that up too just point to me and he met her early on in his voyage and they paired up um they're they're a couple now and they sail the seas i don't i know you've gone from over that asia europe area to the caribbean and south america um where are you coming from you told us just a minute ago we're currently in panama city panama city have you actually circumnavigated yet no no no we've only really crossed the atlantic we've got a couple of really big sales coming up we're going to the galapagos which is a seven day sale and then we're going to

hang out there for a while i'm meeting my uh my father's coming over and then from there we've got a 30-day sale. So that's a big one across the Pacific. Yeah. So some people go out and they make circumnavigation like a goal. That doesn't seem to be your goal. Your goal seems to be going places you'd like to be and just being unshackled. That's a much better goal it's not even impressive to circle the world anymore like it's like 300 years ago maybe but why not now just do whatever the fuck you want yeah oh that's the that's their goal they just do whatever the fuck they want

you guys came up in the show a week or two ago like kind of organically like i i forget i mentioned that you catch your food with a spear gun. And Taylor has this great line. He's like, yes, that's either for the very, very rich or the very, very poor. Rarely do just regular people just go swimming with a spear. Not a middle class hobby. No. Spearfishing. Yeah, no, I know what you mean.

It's sort of like either trophy hunting or desperately searching for food. Yeah. Riley will seriously be in the water for hours, and he's so disappointed when he doesn't come home with a fish. It's really upsetting. I have a question. Have you ever been out at sea and dropped something that's actually important in the water and lose it?

Has that ever happened? Stuff that costs around $100, never anything that's our life. stuff that costs around $100, never anything that's our life. We nearly, we were dismantling a winch, my cousin and I halfway across the Atlantic and he sort of pulled it up and all of the inside, all the bits and pieces, the necessary gears just fell out all over the floor. And we were desperately jumping and trying to stop them

from going overboard yeah managed yeah that been that would have been game over i don't know what we would have done then but managed to grab all the dive and stuff no they weren't near shore i know this i'm always really worried because um like when we big sails, like a week or two weeks, Riley will jump off the back of the boat and hold onto the rope while we're sailing. And that just really freaks me out. And I wish he wouldn't do it. So I think that's sort of the worst thing.

All right. I'll keep that in mind. That does sound dangerous. I'm always watching you. So Elena, I swear he calls you Alana but Elena yeah, he's Australian he can call her whatever he wants to

of course he can so you made a decision to come on board and you just knew him you did like a short sale and then decided to stay with him because of the implication. Not scary at all? It was the mustache, Woody. It was the mustache.

That's what she says. Yeah. I've seen all your episodes. Yeah. Like, legit. Like, someone was interviewing her. i forget where i watched it but and and she said yeah it was the mustache it was irresistible what can she do well i i can't deny that it was initially the mustache that i saw first and he told me he had a boat and i didn't

believe him i was like he was like you know i've got a boat at the marina you and your friend should come back later and i was like yeah, all right I just I just didn't think he had a yacht. I thought he was so young and anyway I went there a few days later during the day just to you know make sure this guy was all right before I jump on boat and Turns out he was all right, and I went for a little sail That's what I want to stay forever. That's the total bedding process before you hopped on and headed out to international waters with them like a few days No, no it was longer than that it was

So we met and then all had to go back to work So we knew each other for like probably two months before That's way longer than it was in my head. My next question. I thought he literally picked her up at the dock and she was like, I'll give it a go. And she was just like available to go sailing. They went.

And then I know they went sailing for some, like they both had it in their head that like, you know what? We're going to go someplace. It was a shorter trip. Like I'll call it two weeks, but I could be wrong. And at the end of that,

they made a decision to keep sailing together. Yeah. I just imagine a conversation with one of her friends where she's like this is riley if i don't show up in six weeks he's the guy who murdered me make sure you tell everyone yeah tell me about the boat yeah pretty much um like like um how big is the boat like what are its dimensions and if you don't mind us asking, how much did it cost? It's exactly 43 foot long. It was about 100 grand Australian, which these days is only about $1,200. $1,200. $1,200 US.

No. Here, I'll convert it. I'll get it. Did you say 100 grand Australian? Yeah, at the time. It was during the global financial crisis. And Woody, you'll probably remember this. I bought it off three arguing Italians. So I picked it up for a bit of a song.

I was pretty happy with the price that I paid. You're living a movie, and that was just the opening scene where your character decided he was done working, saw a bunch of Italians haggling over a boat, and you were like, you know what, fuck it. I'm going to do this. You find a girl across the world, and yeah. It went up, and that was the opening scene.

For people that want to know, that's about 71 grand US. About 71,000 US. It's an expensive boat. Yeah, it is. Is there anywhere on it that you can stand, like fully stand up while you're inside it? I'm not familiar with the boat as well as Woody. Oh, yeah. It's got four cabins, two bathrooms.

It's quite big. So you would say, yeah, it's an expensive boat, but a very, very cheap house. Yeah. They can stand. I bet they can't jump. I bet if they wanted to jump and hit their head on the roof, they could, if that gives you any vibes to the, maybe Riley could anyway. Yeah. Yeah. If they were trying to. Yeah. And then he says it has four cabins, but I want to say a lot of times they're filled with clothes and stuff. Like they're not always just ready for people. Oh, I know. I know.

Have you ever seen when you're out on the ocean? Have you ever been I was going to ask you, have you ever been afraid when you're out on the ocean? Has anything ever happened that scared you? Maybe I can't imagine what it would be. But like, did you ever see like a giant shark? It sounds horrible being out there. Yeah, you know, I mean. No, it doesn't.

Captain Ahab. Captain Ahab, I was about to say. Yeah, no giant squids as yet. We did see a shark feeding frenzy once and Riley like shot himself. It was really funny. We were both free diving down and he

obviously speared a fish and a whole bunch of reef sharks came out and were just mauling this reef fish. Anyway, I was down at about, I don't want to go saying how it's me. I was down pretty deep. Riley, you know, and I was like, where's Riley? And I looked up and there's a shark feeding frenzy. Riley's gone. Anyway, he swam back to the boat and I was pretty touched. I left Elena for dead. He left me with the freaking shark. You should have shot her with the spear gun and pulled her back. It's the gentlemanly thing to do. I don't know if you've seen that episode of Seinfeld with George Costanza and someone needs to lead the way to safety.

Yes, yes. Someone has to get there first dude tell me more about your decision to like leave land life like Riley in particular were you in like a dark place or something just not happy with the life wasn't providing enough

joy like what made you just decide to sell it all and hit the seas uh you must get this a lot no no it's i don't know whether that is yeah it's not something i can talk about no No, it was, I love travelling with work. So I used to work on an oil rig and I was working three weeks on, three weeks off and I used to travel a lot. And I started putting a few plans in place so that I could,

I was sick of travelling out of a backpack, you know. And I started thinking, well, how can I take a home with me? And then I, I don't know. It sort of spawned from there, maybe a bit of a – when I delve very deep into it, I used to really, really love Han Solo. And there's a bit of a captain in your own ship vibe from my childhood. And I think he instilled me with the enthusiasm. That's awesome.

That sounds like so much fun when you put it that way. You were inspired by Han Solo? I didn't see that coming. Yeah. You ever watch Waterworld with Kevin Costner? It doesn't end well for him. No, not Kevin Costner. No, no, definitely Han Solo.

You're more of a Mel Gibson fan? Someone pointed out to me. I read recently that... Has there ever been a time when you've gone out to sea when you were preparing and you realized once you got out there that you totally forgot something that you needed desperately and it was too late to go back? Does that happen in modern day? I feel like it still would. Water.

Yeah, well, for the Atlantic crossing. Only water. For the Atlantic crossing... Only water. Yeah, for the Atlantic crossing it was, you know, we were estimating at either 17 to 20 day sail and we got about a week into the trip and we realized that we had Riley's cousin Jack who is inexperienced as well and he was meant to fill up both of the water tanks. Oh, Jack's not going to like this. I love you Jack but I have to tell this story because it's

freaking retarded. Jack will dispute this. Dispute the veracity of the line. Jack's not here. Yes, we're not on Jack's team. Anyway, he obviously put the hose in and sometimes it can look like it's full because water sprays out anyway.

He forgot to fill up the tank full and we had to have showers with salt water and really conservative. he would have had some salt water showers we would have had plenty of water that would have been the end of that you didn't we were drinking fanta like year old right so what was the end of the trip so you know you can imagine it's a small place things are starting to get a little bit heated he might have said something along the lines of you didn't plan properly and i'm i didn't mean elena in the end pointed out that it may have been jack that didn't fill up the aft water tank correctly no no then i would have said something, it's a long swim to shore. And that would have been the end of that.

We didn't have a plank for anyone to walk at that stage. So we were forced to sort of sort it out. There was a, someone was drinking Fanta at the time and we were running quite low. I had some stashed aside, but if I pulled it out, everyone would have been like, you know, pouring it over their heads and carrying on and having showers with fresh water. But so I had some set aside anyway.

Jack and I had a bit of an argument and I tied a ribbon around one of my hidden bottles of water and lowered it into his cabin as like a piece offering. And I'm like, you know, there's a few little more of where these came from if you behave with yourself. So on your videos, you don't usually cover the negatives of your lifestyle, right? Like you guys are so close together

it you can be in separate rooms but you certainly can't be without an earshot of each other like you're always kind of in each other's existence and uh um you barely even mention any kind of discomfort you know like i i think in your recent episode Alana said that she can only edit videos so long before she gets seasick what like what are the do you guys get seasick out there do you guys get angry do you ever just really wish you had more elbow room be honest well we sort of like trying to make a relationship work on a space, in a space that small has been a struggle from the beginning. But we've worked out a few different little systems and now we're getting in each other's face and things are heating up. We're like, all right. And the

furthest place you can get away from each other on the boat is if one person is on the bow of the boat and the other person is in the room below. So we're right on top of each other but it's the furthest distance away. that's just our little like cool down spot we don't have to go away and slam those narrow little boat doors right it's just a shutter it's a really it's a really pathetic storm off yeah so we know we know more about like uh why about how you got together and why you do this thing you do, but why did you start videoing this and putting it on the internet? Well, I've traveled about four years since I finished school, which isn't that long,

but I've been constantly traveling and sort of videoing it myself. And I'll make little videos to send to my mom because mom freaks out. She's like, where are you, Elena? And I just think it's a great way to show my friends and family what I'm doing. So I started making the little videos. And then I got on Riley's boat. And he had this little Canon camera. And at the time, I was like, wow, this is sick.

Like, why don't you use it? He was like, I don't know. Like, he just wasn't interested. And then I sort of adopted it and made it my own and started videoing and I was like it's pretty cool like what you're doing and I just try to convince him to let me put some stuff on the internet and help inspire others to do the same I nearly answered four Taylor so Elena is wired to be in entertainment right this is her thing uh whether it's the the video or the music or whatever she's comfortable in front of an audience a lot of people and elena you can

probably back me up on this if you point a camera at your random cousin of these deals you know elena will start singing or something i don't know like she's supposed to be in front of the lens and uh i think a little bit nervous think I've seen too much of your stuff I stutter a lot when I'm a little bit nervous when I'm talking to new people that's something I think I have to work on if it's just us though and I can say this too it something about the camera is different like the camera is your friend talking to it like if you were on stage that's a different thing even though they both have hundreds or thousands of people on the other side the camera

you can almost open up to like yeah we're buds we've you know we've been doing this for a while in a way that you might not do for for life people. But yeah, anyway, watching their videos, it's no surprise to me that she fired up a YouTube channel and started sharing her life. And Riley is just her – if you could picture YouTube as a hike, she's pulling them by the hand. That's how their channel is. Yeah, for sure. I'm the little sidekick. I'm the star. Well, he's getting better.

I think at first you point the camera at him and he's like, I'm reading right now. But now he'll be like, yeah, we're navigating. This is what we're doing. This is what we're up to. You're rubbing off on him. So what's your long-term? Sorry. I was going to ask what's your long-term plan with the whole thing.

There's a leg. Yeah, yeah, there's a little bit of a leg. But what's your long-term plan with this thing? You know, are you going to sort of be this world traveler into your, into your 60s and 70s? I wouldn't, I mean, that sounds awesome. I can, I'm imagining like fit, like aged versions of you all gray and gristled and like still riding the seas and some sort of hovercraft or something no you can't it's you don't get to choose trust me um so yeah I guess the plan is to well really figure out what is the plan I don't know just keep traveling so you guys took a break on

land i'll make it up for like 8 12 weeks something like that to earn some money yeah what'd you do yeah yeah uh i went back to working i work offshore on either oil rigs or offshore construction um and elena took that so you wrote an album. Yeah, I recorded an album of covers and I was, because we didn't really have a website set up yet or things on our YouTube channel were a little bit out of date in our social media sites. I was working every, oh I wrote a recipe book and I just did a few little things here and there, like made some T-shirts we could sell. I was pretty much on the internet every day.

It was very, my eyes hurt. YouTube's a significant part of your funding. Like, there was a piece of your video, God, I feel like I'm nerding out over this, but there was a piece of your video where Riley was like, we need to make videos and make good videos. And it was like, ah, he's taking this kind of seriously. It's not just a hobby, it's part of their job. Yeah, well, it was like, oh, he's taking this kind of seriously. It's not just a hobby.

It's part of their job. Yeah, well, it started off for fun. And then when we got back to Australia, we were pretty low on money. And, you know, Briley was waiting to get work and it took a few weeks. So we were sort of like, oh, can we afford to go back and, you know, get the work done on the boat that we need,

relaunch the boat? Do we have enough money to keep this thing going? So, you know, I worked really hard on the internet to try and make sure that we could. And I think that goes towards what you were saying before is like initially when I was perhaps a little bit disinterested, we weren't making any money. And I was like, you know, yeah, it's all well and good to be running around with a camera but shouldn't we be cleaning the decks or, you know, making sure that the sails aren't flapping and stuff like that?

But I really turned a corner, I think, once we got back to Australia and we got on the news there and our numbers really sort of skyrocketed a bit there and we started making some money. And then I was like, all right, well, hopefully I won't have to go back and work on these oil rigs anymore. That would be awesome. So did you have the same job every time? So you'd sail for a while, go back to Australia, work, sail for a while, go back to Australia. So you weren't just pulling into ports in, like, I don't know, India,

and then picking up an odd job for eight weeks and then hopping back on your boat. Because that's how Woody described it, and I pictured it as this remarkable, like, world-traipsing story of where you go to, I don't know, India and Nepal and all these places working random jobs. No, initially I saved up some money, got the boat, and then I did maybe a six or seven-month trip and ran out of money, went back toralia did some work again went back over and that's when i met elena that that second time i had the story we haven't worked overseas no work in nepal as yet as yet maybe someday yeah that's a really cool life

it is i mean like what's the the time what's 10 years from now still going to be sailing around the world or maybe just the cool parts you know no reason to go all the way around yeah hopefully hopefully hopefully on a bigger boat and really go slowly and take you take time in each place learn the language learn to dance learn to you know get a real feel because at the moment we're going so fast and i would love to see yourself. Because at the moment we're going so fast and I would love to see you salsa. Yeah. At the moment we're going so fast and it's like we're missing out on a lot.

Like we want to stay in so many places for so much longer, but the plan is to get back to Australia now. We sort of feel like we have to just keep moving. I keep cracking the whip. Like let's go to Galapagos. Let's, you know, and've I organized stuff in advance and then we're always in such a hurry like I would love to stay here and learn a bit of Spanish but I'm not complaining you know we get to go to Galapagos I suppose that should be good fun

I guess the plan is slow down maybe have a bigger boat and nail what we have going on hopefully I can't believe I'm asking this. Does your boat have a proper bathroom? I've watched other videos too and a lot of them don't. Does it have like a five gallon bucket? You laughed.

Even my boat had a legit bathroom. Back me up Riley. A lot of blue water sailors go the bucket route. Yeah, well, because toilets, it means you've got to have holes in your boat. And the less holes you go in the boat, the better. So, you know, bucket. I've actually...

He's tried to convince me to go bucket, and I'm like, no. We've got two perfectly working toilets. We're going to use them. They're not beautiful. You've got to pump them. Yeah, it's pretty great. They're not beautiful, you gotta pump them. They're handheld things. Not handheld.

I'm imagining... Manual. But manual might be more reliable. I'm just making that up. I'm imagining in the bottom of the toilet there's like a grinder and you're like grinding turds as you turn this thing up. It's like a tumbler that's just like chopping them into bits. And when you're done, you're just like,

God damn, how do I clean this now? Wait, so what do you mean by a manual toilet? I get it, it's a pump mechanism, but it's funny to imagine. People are horrified when I'm like, okay, there's the toilet. They're like, what the hell goes on in there? And yeah, it's sort of, yeah, people's imagination really runs away with it. Yeah.

So yeah, it looks like a normal, it's just, they look like normal. Why are we talking about toilets? They look like normal toilets and you have to fill it up with water before you use them and then you just do what you gotta do and you just pump it and it just goes into the ocean. How long do you have to pump it? How long do you have to pump it after you use the bathroom yeah you're pumping for like three or four minutes because why do you why would you want to spend time in a hot you know seafarer's bathroom with just that wafting around as you

pump it as a grind manual toilet to work that sounds horrible maybe you're convincing me on the bucket so one toilet goes straight into the ocean and that's easy you do like 5 pumps and then the other toilet goes into a holding tank because you can't just put your shit into the ocean yeah I don't just want to get rid of it that one takes like 38 hours I missed something

you never know what you might find you want to hang on to it for a while I missed something. You don't know. You never know what you might find. Yeah, you want to hang on to it for a while. Yeah. Have a bit of it. You never know. So what about the other... There's that toy.

Do you guys get seasick? It'd be a horrible profession. Riley does not. I'm so jealous. Riley doesn't like that it can be shocking weather and he'll be downstairs. And I'm like, oh, I cannot be down here for more than a minute or I will get seasick. So I don't get seasick when I'm outside. It's just if you go downstairs because it's hot and you're disorientated.

Riley. Yeah, but we don't really get seasick. Never, never seasick? Like even if you're like working on the diesel or something, you're just immune to it? Yeah. Once I was accused of being seasick, but I will maintain that it was the scallops from the night before. Oh, that reminds me.

Alina. I'm awful. I'm really, really sorry. Yeah, right? Yeah, yeah, they put the accent on. I'm trying to learn this with an Australian accent. Alina. I'm awful. I'm really, really sorry. Alina? Yeah, right? Yeah, yeah, they put the accent on it. I'm trying to learn this with an Australian accent. Alina. Alina.

Woody, I call her lasagna. You call me lasagna. You got sick from a fish, right? What was that sickness that you got? Yeah, what was that? Okay, so there's a bit of a yeah so we were near saint martin where the mosquito disease and i'm gonna say this wrong and i know it we say chicken gun yeah because that's how it's felt but i don't know it's like

anyway um it has very similar symptoms to ciguatera so anyway i was violently ill for a week and i had you know the the numb lips and the when i picked up the bottle a freezing cold bottle it was hot and i felt like i was gonna faint my blood pressure was so low um couldn't get out of bed and anyway we thought it was ceguatera and i told the doctor it was ceguatera he's like we haven't seen a case of this for like three or four years self-diagnosing once again anyway um and i went home and i got better but these joint pains lasted for about six months and to the point where i couldn't move and i was bedridden for a whole day with an ice pack on my whatever part of my body it was so that made me look into it again and apparently it's a mosquito disease. The symptoms were amazingly similar.

Yeah, they're very similar. My favorite part was that she didn't use an ice pack all the time. She took the fish that she accused of making her sick, froze it, and put it on her belly so that it would make her feel better. It was a fitting end. That's all we had. I didn't do that for her to get back at the fish. It was just the video.

In the video, you pitched it the fish, it was just... In the video you pitched it that way. And it was great. What do you do for fun on a standard evening on a boat? Like, when you're not hoisting the sails or whatever you're doing there. Like, do you play checkers, chess, video games? What's going on? We play chess and drink wine. But I'm really bad at chess and it's just you know Riley beats me every time so it's

more fun for him than me but I like drinking wine she does um what do what do we do uh we well what will so you pull up in your boat and you sort of drop anchor and you leave it you can have a bit of dinner and relax maybe if you've had a very hard sail that day, you might go to bed early or you can, we've got a little boat and that'll take us into town. So 90% of the time, there's sort of other people nearby. So you go into town, you check that out, maybe read up about the cool things to do in whatever location you're at. We read a lot of books and And sometimes when you bump into sailors you met along the way, you go onto their boat and have dinner

or just catching up with other sailors, I guess. I got it. I've got two questions. One, I knew you read a lot. I was about to answer for you. Does reading sometimes mean leave me alone? Cause I get the vibe, like she'll sneak up with the

camera be like hey what are you doing and he's got his Kindle like reading you know like like am i miss reading that I suppose I am disrupting him he gets no I think I think I'll disrupt the line of more when she's reading that's true too I would say I'm more I'm more annoying on that front. Sometimes. Would you say so? Yeah.

But is the reading ever code for I want to be in my own space right now or not? No, we've got some very obvious codes for that. We don't need to be so subtle. So when you're out there, what's the longest period of time that you go without seeing another human being? Well, 17 days is the longest we have gone.

That's not that bad. Yeah, that was a sale with Riley and another person, Jack, so we've never done a sale by ourselves. Riley would really like to in the future, just see what it's like to be completely alone. I have no intentions of doing that. But yeah, 17 days and we're about to do a 20 to 30 day sale in about a month so that'll be interesting yeah wait riley so you want to do a like 20 day trip by yourself just you someday or just the two of you i'm confused no no just me i sort of um

maybe maybe when i've uh i'm reading my book book and hinting that perhaps I'd like to be alone and then Elena might come and annoy me, I'll start talking about this solo trip that I might like. Huge mistake. Yeah, I've read this book called, hey, what's that book called? A Voyage for Mad Men. A Voyage for Mad Men, which is incredible. These guys go around by themselves. One guy goes crazy, like literally insane,

and I think he walks off the boat or falls off. Most of them start crying, and it's just a real mental test. It's quite a... I know I'd go crazy. I do not want to try that. I would enjoy the challenge, I think. While we're on this, yeah, while we're here, I was going to ask you two, what's the longest you've gone without human interaction, Woody and Taylor, if you think about it?

It might be a difficult question. Shucks, nothing impressive. It's not all about you, Elena. Not all. I mean... Is there ever a naked day on the boat where we just don't wear clothes because there's no people around?

At my house, it's Wednesdays. Yeah. Wednesdays we wear clothes. Yeah. Good answer. yeah Wednesdays Wednesdays we wear clothes yeah good answer I think I've probably only gone like maybe a day and a half without seeing another human being and maybe that was when I was like violently ill with the flu and asleep the whole time like I don't go on adventures by myself like that sounds horrible yeah it's it's hard to remember but like i remember i think maybe kitty went away to england one time and i was home alone here for like maybe 10 days and i had

visited my parents early during that stretch so they're so i think i might have spent a week without seeing another human being i think i might have spent like five days and by the end of it i was getting a little weird i i was i wasn't i wasn't my normal self. I don't feel like I was as friendly I felt like I was I was brusque with myself think about that I was noticing that I was a bit of an asshole to me It was just me and myself and I like you're a real scumbag Kyle. What the fuck? Why are you playing video games thinking that i'm an asshole i'm like i gotta get some more people in here so i don't think so little of myself on that i am always a

dick to me always i have no sympathy for me all my aches and pains and lack of willpower just fucking step up bitch that's that's my internal dialogue all the time um as far as this whose voice is saying that when you hear it? Oh, my own. Maybe Dad's. I don't know. I haven't thought this through. But maybe I've got some –

Have you ever been alone for long enough that you – Have you ever been alone for long enough that you internally think, like, I can't even remember the last time I heard the sound of my own voice, and then you just say something for no reason just so it's like okay so that was the last time everything's still the same it sounds weird and you're like whoa that's not how I sound I do it I'll talk to the dogs on purpose just to verbalize something like if it doesn't take long two and a half days or so and I'm telling them to go outside or something um and then oh question for you guys I wrote some down. Marina status. So when you guys dock, is there a whole social pecking order?

Do people look at the size of your boat? Do you bump into other YouTubers and compare sub counts? What is that like? Boat people. We haven't bumped into any other people that had a YouTube channel. There's a few around now, though. Yeah. There's a fair few around now, though. Yeah, there's a few kicking around now, which is good to see. But, like, marina politics and dockside pecking orders, absolutely.

It's pretty funny. Like, there's some people with – it just tends to – the people with the huge expensive boats tend to congregate together. I wouldn't say that they're any better or worse. They're not particularly snobby, but they just tend to sort of congregate. Yeah, they don't want to hang out with little boat people. Well, 44 foot is on the, like,

I think that people who do it by themselves, their boats are in the twenties or yachts are in the twenties. People who do it as a, their boats are in the 20s or yachts are in the 20s. People who do it as a couple do it in the 30s. And 44, to me, is one of the bigger yachts. It's not. No, not really. Go on. 39 would probably be...

The average that you see in a marina. No, I would say sort of one of the smaller ones is the 39. I would say the of one of the smaller ones is a 30 39 I would say the hours is average, but you got to remember there's a lot of Catamarans out there which is essentially double Yeah, do you so you're always say that we average when you're coming out of a slipper or docking or whatever and You're near one of these really expensive yachts say a million two million dollar yacht is it are you ever concerned that you might bump into him because i that because that was a concern for me like i had a boat and my boat was like a um like a 25 30 000 boat but i was parked next to a guy

that was like i think it was like 280 000 boat but that's just my friend was just like oh that one's like a quarter million dollar boat as we went down and looked at all of them. And I was always thinking like, let's be real fucking careful when we park because if we bump into this asshole, it's a life changing bump. Like we're going to have to go figure out

how to buy this guy a new fucking hull or whatever, or whatever the hell we break off. No good. Yeah. to buy this guy a new fucking hull or whatever or uh whatever the hell we break off it's no good yeah we uh you're gonna think that i'm exaggerating but the very the the most impressive looking and potentially most expensive boat none that not the most expensive but the most impressive looking boat that i've ever seen actually sailing Elena and I crashed into it they didn't know and we didn't crash so we're in a bay with this you know amazing boat we cruised in we dropped the anchor we went down it was not it was nighttime so poor captaining by me definitely we arrived in an anchorage at nighttime Wendell's desk you know make some food it'd been a

hard sail and then we heard this, like, sort of tapping. No, we tried to anchor, like, eight times. Yeah, took us eight times to anchor, but anyway. In a week. Thought we'd finished. And, um, heard the loud banging noise at the back of the boat. It was a kiss. They sunk the next day. All hands went down.

Like, you'd pretend that it didn't happen. Cracking that hole, and that was game over. Is that kind of like when you open your door into somebody's car at Walmart where you just kind of go like, oh, and then you just kind of close it and quick walk inside, hope nobody calls you on it? What do you do every day? We fired up the engine and drove off and dropped the anchor again, and I was thinking like you know

what's what's protocol here what what's the correct thing to do and i looked at their boat and i looked at our boat and i was like i think that if we scratch them they're gonna be okay and the next day they they yeah the water don't worry i think you were just being considerate really but with your hitting think you were just being considerate, really, with your hitting Ron. Anything, you were sparing them the stress. Hey. You guys,

on the boat, you divide the work among gender roles, mostly. She does overwhelmingly most of the cooking. He does overwhelmingly most of the cooking uh he does overwhelmingly most of the like anchor stuff if if a winch is broken he fixes it was that intentional or just work out that way you guys a little more uh old school than than you look what's the scoop nah i i consider myself more progressive than that would he we just have fallen into those roles

like when we when i first got on the boat it was a real struggle to figure out who does what and when it was like do this do that and like you know when when uh when something bad no i don't mean just you it was me what a jerk but when you don't mean just you he's the only other person on the boat it was all the other people on the boat Riley so yeah we just had to designate jobs so the yelling wouldn't happen again

and you know if he forgets to do something I'm like oh you forgot to do, and then if I don't do something, he's like, oh, okay. And it's a lot friendlier and works. Alright. Well, whatever works for you. Do you have any weapons on the boat? Are you prepared to fight? What could you defend the boat against?

Like, certainly not pirates, I suppose, unless you have some sort of firearm, but if some sort of mutated dolphin man came from the seas, could you fend him off? Threat level preparedness. Do you have a club? Do you have a spear gun? Yeah, the spear gun. But I don't think that's good for taking on big

mass, bulky opponents. If you hit him in the head, right between the eyes, but what if you don't? He routinely shoots fish. Yeah, but in the water, it's a different trajectory. In the event of a mutated dolphin man attack,

I believe that we could counter with a various array of knives. We have a spear gun. I have some camo gear. And torches, flares. Torches for a nighttime sort of thing. You flash it in their eye or something like that.

What else have we got? If you wake up in the middle of the night and you hear some rustling up on the top, dock, whatever the hell you call it, on the planks and you look up and there's three Somalians just kind of

looking through your stuff. One of them has an AK. They don't notice you yet. What do you have at your disposal that you could at least spook them off into the ocean and motor away? Or I guess sail slowly away. You have to have a club, something. Yeah, well, we don't really have... If we're sleeping in our room, we don't have a weapon in there. I've tried to convince Riley to let us keep one of the backup spear guns in there,

just in case someone comes down the stairs, she'd be sitting there ready for them. She thinks that sleeping with a spear gun would be safer than not. Not in your hands. I mean, nearby. People keep frigging hammers and stuff under their beds in, you know, a lot of... You should see Kyle. Kyle, grab some weapon.

Do you have anything in have anything, Kyle? What am I new here? Can you ship some down? Welcome to America, baby. I've literally got like 20 here because I was cleaning the basement today. But what I was thinking just now of like some weapons that might be legal for you as an Australian

and then going through international waters, maybe some sort of souped-up flare gun. I've got This grenade launcher that that shoots flares these twenty six point five millimeter flares, and you can get like a six like a big revolver that shoots these things so you got six shots semi-automatic and Like it's a minute. Oh, yeah automatic and Like it's a minute. So yeah, well exactly like very similar to like very similar to terminator 2 Yes, very similar to that, but it shoot flares as it'll burn people. Yeah, okay? I think I Put me down for

We haven't gone through the Suez Canal which is meant to be the worst, but we went past Venezuela. We didn't hug the coastline, so we kept our distance. But I think, well, the Pacific, I don't think there's pirates. So if we were going to get a weapon, we should have done it a few months ago. You guys aren't proper Americans. Oh, totally. If you were proper Americans, you'd have several guns nearby. Back me up on this, Kyle.

A silencer would be nice too. Then you could take out several of the pirates at once. I have a marine shotgun just in case I get a boat. That is it. What else have you got? You guys are like just a gigantic

American cliche. I'm scared of you. Too much time playing computer games. That's a zombie. He's going to come back with something. That's a mannequin in the background in the ready and willing position, I think. Downward dog, yeah. Yeah.

What do you guys do to stay in shape out on the open ocean? Like very, I guess, body weight exercises? Some push-ups. Alana will do the old down the dog. We'll push-ups and I don't know. It just depends. If we're sailing hardcore and we're heeled over, it's really hard to exercise. What I do is I'm on the steps in the galley,

and I just hold onto the sides, and I exercise my legs and stuff. But when we're on land, we can exercise as normal. Peter's gonna wait to do a bit of yoga. That's about it. What the hell have you got there, Carl? They couldn't hold that. Now, if you see the pirate vessel coming at you beforehand,

you could shoot them with a rocket of some kind. So there's a lot of rocket- I shot one of them. There's a lot of rocket launchers available to lot of I shot one of them. There's a lot of rocket launchers available to civilians. I shot one of them in Cambodia. The man tried to convince him to shoot a cow

with it. Which I didn't. I didn't shoot the cow. That would have been awesome to see. Now I've always wanted to do that. I'm kind of being silly about the rocket and everything, but I've heard about that, about being able to go there and shoot the water buffaloes with an RPG in Cambodia. How much was it?

How much did they want to do that? I should categorically state here that I did not shoot a cow, a chicken. Yeah, I get it. Yeah, sure, no. You totally didn't shoot it. We all buy it. Yeah, sure, no, I get it. You totally did shoot it. We all buy it. Yeah, yeah, we believe you.

No water buffalo. But hypothetically, how much was it? Okay, so I think it was only like 100 US, and then the buffalo was like another two. That's more than I thought. I thought it was going to be like six gallons of fresh water. That's more than I thought. I thought it was gonna be like six gallons of fresh water. A thousand eggs. Nine shiny beads.

Woody, we're always talking about these ridiculous trips. If you want to go to Cambodia and shoot fucking rockets, I'll totally sign up for that one. I would love to do that shit. That sounds awesome. For sure. Can we rent motorcycles over there I would like that too but because I don't imagine motorcycles I imagine like jungle like dirt bikes like I imagine 50cc mopeds oh wow yeah yeah I do that yeah yeah I to me it's like one of those countries where you would be burgled or something pretty quick if you just show up and you're like oh i'm a white american like in cambodia jeez i i just got to get like like we won't show anybody but like we got to get a video of me going and just like busting off an rpg i feel like that would be so much in cambodia they'd be i think they've got a lot a lot of muslims in

cambodia right i feel like all you got to do is like a fake russian accent all trip long nobody In Cambodia. In Cambodia. I think they've got a lot of Muslims in Cambodia, right? I feel like all you've got to do is a fake Russian accent all trip long. Nobody fucks with them. I don't know. You never know what the politics are. I'm Canadian if I travel out of the country. Everybody's just like, feel sorry for me. They apologize when you say it.

No, no, I'm from Canada. Oh, I'm sorry. Even Nigerians and people like... What's your Canadian voice? How do you pretend to be Canadian? Oh, I don't have a good one. I can't say it. No, no, I'm from Canada. Oh, I'm sorry. Like, even Nigerians and people like... What's your Canadian voice? How do you pretend to be Canadian? Oh, I don't have a good one. I can't do it. It's a mixture of things. So, like, I always end up sounding like it's

Fargo. Like that A stuff. Oh, you get like the North Dakota one. Yeah, and I know that's not correct. Or then I do like a French-Canadian thing and it's all pompous and then it... I lose the accent. I can't do a good canadian you're not gonna make many friends with a french canadian yeah backfires they all hate you yeah yeah you go french canadian they scalp you right there i think france had a history in cambodia uh did they yeah they did uh vietnam oh

shit was in oh when you tell the story of buying the boat it's like you stumbled across a couple of arguing italians and just bought it out from under them how much planning was there involved in this hundred thousand dollar australian yacht that you bought like you must have been looking and researching Well, they were bigger. I'm sorry. Weeks on end. Yeah, no. There's a website called Yacht World, and you can compare prices and everything. But the reason I didn't buy in Australia is because what's my little calculation that I use? Because a boat in Europe is worth like $1.50.

It's worth, no way, $2. If a boat in Australia is worth $2, it's worth $1 in Europe is worth like $1.50 it's worth, no way, $2. If a boat in Australia is worth $2 it's worth $1 in Europe. Oh. And then $1.50 in Thailand. Wait, it's more in Thailand than Europe?

Yeah. I didn't expect that. Because you go around the world neither did I, Woody, but this is why. Geography, essentially, and then pirates. If you're going around the world, you always go this way, which is counterclockwise, generally speaking. So once you get to Thailand, you've either got to go north

and take on the pirates and south and go around the Cape of Cape Horn or the Cape of Good Hope. One of those capes that's just completely gnarly. So everyone ends up in Thailand and then they're like, all right, I've got to sell my boat. Yeah, but you said it was really expensive. I want to go north. Woody, would you be down to go fight the pirates?

I know we've discussed this at length. Yeah, it's on my bucket list. I would totally go fight the pirates. That would be so much fun. We need to buy a yacht and then offer pirate fighting as a vacation opportunity. We can just have people on board. We'll arm them and we'll fight pirates. I got the perfect weapon for that too.

Those people out in Texas, they make that Talon system, that gyroscopically stabilized shooting platform. Yes! It would make up for the movement of the boat. And I swear to God, like, when you engage the gyros, it goes from, like, the crosshairs, that is. Like, it goes from being all bumpy and not being able to do anything to, like, fucking steady as a rock. So regardless of the wake, the waves, the maneuvers the boat was making,

you would have a view screen, and you'd be able to control any weapon system you wanted to. And I got like a semi-automatic... And that's how you want to go kill a bunch of 15-year-olds with weapons from the 60s? Just on land? Yes. Move over, Navy SEALs.

First of all, it's international waters. Second of all, second of all, sir, they are attacking us with automatic machine guns. Oh, well, okay. I thought you meant you were going hunting. So they are attacking us with automatic machine guns. Oh, well, okay. I thought you meant you were going hunting. So they're attacking you in this scenario. Well, of course.

You can't hunt pirates. What do you think? We're zooming along and we see a bunch of black guys with a Jolly Roger. We're like, get them. Like, that's it. That's something I wanted to ask you. Actually, that was my business plan. If you grow up in, like, an inner city that's pretty dangerous,

you learn some stuff about how to handle yourself in dangerous areas that people who didn't grow up in that area wouldn't know. Having been on the open seas for so long, what are some pirate tips for those of us who maybe one day will go sailing? We see a friendly ship, but maybe you see something about that ship that's like, ah, no, it's pirates. It's the rapers We've heard that to go through like pirate waters you meant to go with a fleet of other boats So you've just got you know some backup people I guess sort of help you out if there is a situation

But we've heard also a sign of pirates is if there's a boat with a few guys on there like a little they're usually a little banged up Boats and they are calling for help you know like they look distressed and then if you see that you obviously do not go and help them when you're meant to radio and say when you've been on the water as long as i have you develop a sixth sense oh yeah what you guys need is a couple americans because i feel like they're like they've been thirsting for this their entire life. You know what?

The pirates are there because everyone went in and fished out their little area. So all the fishermen went out and they're like, fuck you, you keep stealing our fish, we're going to board your boat and take money off you. And that's how the whole thing got around. That's how the whole thing came about. And then now they've shot a whole bunch of pirates up which you know i'm not sticking up for them they are pirates they

shot a whole bunch of them up and they've sort of regressed there's not as many of them i've heard that and now they've now they've moved back in in their fishing again if you it i would say if you want to go on yeah i don't know i don't want to get so i think what you're saying if i read between the lines correctly is that yeah no no what are you saying he's pro fish he's like what you're saying, if I read between the lines correctly... He's pro-pirate! Yeah, no, what he's saying, he's pro-fish. He's like, what you need to do is hunt the pirates so that the fish population comes back up. No, he's pro-fisherman!

Wow! Yeah, I mean, he kind of coded it, but basically you kill the fishermen, or, if you want to call them that, and then the fish population is restored. Now, that is a good point. What if the dolphins fall into all this and the dolphin men? No, you kill the pirates and then the fishermen get it back, right? Or, you know, it's the fishermen who are the pirates. Taylor, strong point. There's a lot of killing to get done here if you want to help the fish out.

Tyler's on with Tyler. Yeah. Taylor's strong point. There's a lot of killing to get done here if you want to help the fish out. Tyler's on with Tyler. I'd say I'm anti-pirate and I'm not afraid to say it. That's a bold stance. I've been anti-pirate since the very beginning. Isn't that funny that only with a life like you lead and a presidential candidate in 1812 would have to have

pirate stances. I saw, well I don't know how, I don't know, do you guys follow the American political system at all? You guys seem so unplugged from anything that nailed down. Do you follow it? We barely get a chance to keep up with Australian politics. We didn't even know about Netflix until like two weeks ago. Yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, fuck that.

No, I don't care how adventurous this life is. There's nothing better than Netflix. Apparently so. I get picked on. I get picked on when I come back to Australia. There will be some cultural joke, like pop culture, and everyone will laugh, and then I've got a couple of close friends that'll look at me and just go, are you fucking serious? You've never heard of Netflix online? Nah, man.

I'll get picked on. I've been thinking about this for a while. Some people who live your lifestyle, because I watch people like you on youtube they get like detached from the rest of the world like they hardly have a nationality anymore they're certainly not involved and like everyone on land is sort of like it or not part of the village right you know where we all live together and there's some common goals whether they be roads or health care or whatever uh You guys are not part of a village. You're citizens of the world.

Yeah. I miss that community. Like having a community where things are going on and like people working together. That's I miss that so much. And just having all your friends around you. That's something that I do miss, but yes,

we're completely shut off from all of that. Are there any plans to bring? See, I envy what you want. One of these trips. I go, what were you saying, Kyle? I want to know, like, are there any plans to bring other people? You brought that one guy on a trip once.

Did you learn from that, and now it's just the two of you or less, or do you have more plans to include a third? I can answer this forum, and I'm going to help him out. Hey! There's a Patreon level for that. tell us more ah good on you woody yeah so we originally started when we went to the caribbean we had a lot a lot of emails people people wanting to charter with us and we i don't know we didn't really like the idea of that like

starting a business we weren't ready for it. So people were saying, you know, start Patreon and so we did and people were donating money per video and then only recently we just thought that we should give back to those patrons who were giving us all this money for the videos. So now we are inviting patrons. Hold on, I was just stuck with the audio. Uh oh. Yeah, no, we're all good.

So now, yeah, we're just inviting our patrons on board just as a cheers, guys. So we have had one patron on board so far. Oh, I can't wait to see how this pans out. Everyone accused the poor guy of being an axe murderer, but Jen was a legend. I have to admit, I'm a little bit scared. It's completely random. What we do is Riley's brother organized it on Microsoft Excel

because we cannot use any of that. A spreadsheet. All of our patrons. You hit F9 and it randomly selects someone. So we really have no idea who we're inviting on the boat and I've got to call out the name and then just pray that they're right. How much cash? What level is that?

What level Patreon? Do you guys have different levels yeah so if if someone puts in a dollar then they're on the little board once if someone puts in 50 they're down 50 times so it's it's completely percentage wise it works out perfectly yeah you had it right there folks like like i don't know why we didn't lead off with this as the topic. They're raffling off tickets to come on their boat and go have a good time with them. If you guys you get one chance.

If anyone listening to this wants to see me in a video with my shirt off, be sure to contribute in my name. We can make this happen. How you how long is this trip gonna be aren't you afraid that you're gonna get out there with this guy and like half an hour and you're just like oh my god like we have to be with this guy for fucking eight more days in the middle of nowhere yeah what do they get do you like in the middle of the ocean do you spend a few days with them or do you just like have a dinner with dinner with them? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Well, to tell you the truth, we've only had one. So I think the idea, we chatted about this and the idea is, you know, we'll pick them up from the ferry port or the airport,

wherever the hell they're meeting us and, you know, we'll suss them out and bring them back to the boat and we've always got a night on land before we go anywhere. I like that word.

In a word, we're fucked. If they're an arsehole, we're in big trouble. I don't think they are. This goes back to the weaponry. We need to talk about your armor. Now you're inviting internet

strangers onto your boat, taking them out into international waters. The implication alone is too much. You've got to arm yourself. I wouldn't meet a random person off the internet for a half-hour lunch at Red Robin, and you're going to invite them onto your boat and then sail into international water.

I'm coming from a place of a lot of experience with this. The three of us have done these big events, these big YouTuber events, where our viewers come out to a location, we play paintball with them and stuff like that, and we've had hundreds of people show up at them. It play paintball with them and stuff like that. We've had hundreds of people show up at them. It's a lot of fun to meet those people. 10% freaks.

Back me up, Kyle. It's about 10% freaks. Now, out there, if you're listening to this and you're offended by that, you're not a freak. You know it. You're not. Don't be offended by it.

You're not highly enough in your audience. If you have been to one of our events, then you know what I'm talking about. And if you don't know what I'm talking about, then you're a freak. Or come to an event. All right, so let's list the symptoms of these individuals, okay? First of all, poor personal hygiene, all right, fellas? You don't wash. You don't wear deodorant. You smell dirty. It's a sickly, sweet, dirty smell.

It's not just BO. It's filth. And I can smell it from 10 feet away. I'm not daredevil here. I don't have superhuman sense of smell. You're just acclimated to stench because you stink all the time. So always, always, even if you think in your head for some weird reason, guys out there, that you don't smell, you shower at least once a day, preferably twice a day, once in the morning,

once at night. And you got to wear deodorant because 10% of our fans don't. And they're also- Just want to interrupt there. Everybody needs deodorant. Listener, even you. Carry on. There are no people who don't need it. none pre-pubescent people i've known some hippie chicks who like who weren't into i guess regular deodorant has a couple of ingredients that are carcinogenic or um i'm one of those hippies i don't wear deodorant but it's natural stuff it's like a there you go whether it's but it it works and it's not you know. It works okay. That's what I was about to say. I'm glad you sat down because I had a very

They wouldn't have made the fake stuff if the natural stuff worked excellent from the get go. Scientists have been working for a hundred years now to keep my underarms not stinky and they're fantastic at it. Mine smell like an alpine slope. You can't do that without science. Mine smell like cool alpine slope. You can't do that without science.

Mine smell like cool breeze, whatever that smells like. That organic fancy deodorant just doesn't work all the time. It helps, but it's not 100% safe. But I want to go back to our fans. Oh, no. This isn't me being a dick or

beating up our fan base in any way whatsoever. They know they're freaks. Most of them do. Half of the freaks know they're freaks. The other half are scary. They could go rogue on us and become a national news story. We dare them to. We've got some interesting people who show up to these things.

They have social issues. They have weird Boundary issues they'll kind of stand at the edge and lurk and stare and grin and have these weird looks on their faces There's some interesting people who show again. This is very tiny Percentage yeah, it's a very tiny percent. Yeah, it's certainly not a common thing But at least at at every event that I've ever done there's at least one or two. You know what? There's always one person, and I think this is what you were describing earlier, there's always at least one person who comes off as so iffy, and if shit went sour with him, he might come back with a gun

and start shooting people up, where there's someone like that who you try and get really close to them, so that if they do go on a rampage like that, they remember you, and they're like, all right, he's cool. Over to the next guy. The very first event I ever did, we at um at cpx uh sports and joliet it was before the one that you and i did woody with all the youtubers i did one that was just me and uh which was just ridiculous because i'd never worked a crowd before like that anyway and uh and like 150 kids showed up each day

and i'm like standing on a picnic table coordinating that bullshit it was a lot of fun and we played eight hours of paintball a day for two days straight but this one guy this one motherfucker and i mean he was a super fan there's no other way to put it but he was just a little off he was a little weird he drove from texas to joliet illinois and and that is like i i should. 11 hours, maybe. 12 hours. Yeah. Yeah, it's about, that's what I had in my head. I think it's about a 12, 14 hour drive.

He drove that far to play. I don't know exactly who it is now. Yeah, I mean, oh, probably. Because on day one, like he says this, and my manager Kitty's talking to him. She's like, oh, he drove 12 hours. It's fantastic. We should take him out to dinner. He should go have dinner with all of us.

And I'm like, yeah, sure. Although we've only known him for like 30 seconds, Kitty. Oh, he's wonderful, wonderful. So I get to know this guy over the course of the day. And it's like, this ain't going to work. Because the first thing he does is go, hey, man, no, it's not exactly legal up here, but I brought a little firepower I wanted to show off to you. Got it in my truck out in the parking lot. Want to come see?

And I'm like, nah. This is one of those deals where you walk out of the parking lot. He could be pummeling me with a tire iron for a good 30 seconds before a sprinting friend could get to me. And I don't have any sprinting friend could get to me. And I don't have any sprinting friends with me on this day. So I'm not going with him into the parking lot. But I mentioned it to Kitty, and without my knowledge,

she mentions it to the sheriff deputy that's there. And so they end up out there looking at this guy's truck, and sure enough, he's brought his fucking arsenal. He's got a big.44 Magnum dirty, hairy handgun thing. He's got his shotgun. He's got his big 44 magnum dirty hairy handgun thing he's got his shotgun he's got his 30-06 deer rifle he's brought all of his firepower from texas up to this very not gun friendly area of you know just south of chicago illinois and uh and so we had to figure out how to get out of dinner with this guy because kitty's narked on him for for you know bringing fucking guns to our paintball event which was a little unsettling and he was just very odd i should mention that as well he was uh he kept vlogging and he wants you to be in the vlog and it's just really uncomfortable and he doesn't understand like social boundaries where

you're just kind of standing around shooting the shit and he's just like boom and we're vlogging here with fps russia again he's just real annoying and! And we're vlogging here with FPS Russia again. It was just real annoying. And so I remember it was time to give him directions for dinner, and Kitty told the ref to give him bad directions. And she put him apparently out there. What a passive-aggressive, shitty way to say, I don't want to eat dinner with you. Instead of me being up front,

I'm going to let you drive around for 40 minutes. Get out of here. Scythe first. Yeah, he's got the lessons. So they put him on this loop road. Let's just call it Road 2. But Road 2 just goes in a circle forever, and it's just got many exits, many spurs that come off of it.

They put him on that and gave him a non-existent exit number. He told us he drove for three fucking hours the next day in a circle before he realized what was going on. Oh, he figured out that you intentionally gave him bad directions? He never made it. He's like, I drove for hours looking for that exit, never found it. I had to go back to the hotel. But did he realize what had happened? Oh, no.

Do you think it was an honest mistake? No, he was far too insane to realize what had happened? Do you think it was an honest mistake? No, he was far too insane to realize what had happened. I had that guy that wanted to wrestle me. He turned out to be actually pretty cool, but he reaches out to me on Twitter and he's like, hey, I'm going to be at the paintball event. We should wrestle. And I don't

reply because I've done some grappling and such. And I don't know who this guy is, though. I don't know how big he is or what the scoop is you might you might you might have heard him well he got then he comes back he's like hey you know I'm on the varsity our team my team is ranked like sixth or fifth or whatever in the state and uh and I want to wrestle with you Woody and I'm like you know I don't reply and um he sent me at least three tweets about his wrestling qualifications and how he wanted to roll with me. But I'm somewhat qualified, too.

I don't look it, but whatever. And I just don't reply because I'm afraid the guy's, like, gigantic and that he's just going to break me or something. Anyway, he finds me. We're out there. There's 1,500 people playing paintball. He locates me and says, hey, I'm the guy that's been tweeting you. And I'm like, oh, fuck.

Throw it out, bro. Yeah. So then I gave him my line. I'm like, I'll tell you the same thing I tell everyone else. Let's go. And I wrestled with him. And we filmed it. And we put it on YouTube.

How old was he? 17, 18, something like that. No, I think he had finished high school or he was going to be a senior. But he was a lot smaller than me. I must have had 30 pounds on him. Yeah, 30 years on him too. Yeah, you really whipped that child.

It was good to watch. He was like 18. He wasn't a child. I mean, he was legal. Do you want to see the video? We've got the video. Sure, why not? I mean, let's make sure.

Yeah, yeah, I'd watch it. You can see the back of my head in the video anyway. I really enjoyed that. I don't think that was the trip that yeah, I do. You can see the back of my head in the video anyway. I really enjoyed that. I don't think that was the trip that I was there for. You were not there. That was the trip when I drove from Georgia to Chicago hauling that fucking golf cart for Kitty. And that was a nightmare drive Jeremy and I made.

I don't know. I made so many of those stupid fucking drives. How long is the drive from where you are to Jolien? 12 to 17 hours, something like that. I don't know. I've made so many of those stupid fucking drives. How long is the drive from where you are to Julian? 12 to 17 hours. Something like that. I don't remember which. At some point in between, you really don't care anymore. Do you guys want to see this? Yeah. I linked it. I'm queued up

at zero. I'm going to queue it up at zero. What we do on this is we load it up. You get past any ad if you have one. Then you pause it at zero seconds. I'll say ready, set, play, and we'll all watch it together. All right. It might be nice. Let's skip ahead to one minute.

I should have linked it there. But I feel like the first minute is me, like, talking, like, preparing for it. So let's get to one minute exactly, if you can slide it forward. I'm at one minute exactly. I'm at one minute exactly. Nicely done, guys.

All right. Ready, set, play. I wasn't sure I'd win. Oh, did you not follow instructions? You limey bastards. You're limey because you're sailors. All right, let's go back to a minute. We can do it.

No. I'm not letting their mistake ruin my viewing experience. Tell me when you're ready. we'll go back to a minute are you talking to us no no you're hearing me on the video I think all right you let us know when to say when to click play on play ready set play I said no filming cuz I wasn't sure I'd win. But it turns out somebody was filming when I wasn't looking. And I got the footage.

And here it is. I'm in the pants. He's the middle-aged man. In case you can't tell. Wow, that's my head. Yes, I can. Was that during a bad haircut phase? No, it looked good today.

That's a good haircut right there, I can tell. He's a wrestler, but he doesn't really know chokes, which is what we were doing. So I get him in a guillotine not too long in. The fact that he didn't know the guillotine. I'll knock the ground. Yeah, I lift him off the ground, and then I pull him into my guard, but I've still got his neck, so now I'm jerking up, and he taps out.

Yeah. So he can't tell that's a choke on his neck I've got going on there, and that's him tapping. You can pause it there. That's it. He asked for it, right? He asked for it well and good. Yeah.

No, he asked several times on Twitter. He sought me out at the event, asked for it well and good yeah no he asked several times on twitter he like caught he sought me out at the event but um he was actually a pretty nice guy i didn't mean to lump him in with our weirdo fans but i i've been challenged to wrestle by a bunch of fans actually sometimes the weirdo fans are the best fans what was the name of that guy uh that little kid who was playing as a medic that one year and all he did was run around hillbury dough boy yeah yeah dough boy that guy was great yeah it was great and he was only like nine years old he was older he might have been 12 but uh yeah he was a medic we were

playing paintball and in paintball this is concept of a medic they're not well armed but they can heal you rather than you like walking back half a mile and respawning. And he was my favorite kind of medic, one with loose morals. So he would just, you're like, ah, you're fine, go ahead, keep playing. You know, the medic is supposed to be able to like get to you and not get shot. And oftentimes when you're shot, you're in a dangerous spot.

So it's not easy for a medic to heal you, but he was so effective. He'd do it from a distance. You're good. And then you medic to heal you but he was so effective he'd do it from a distance you're good and then you just keep playing so he was a great well it was it was cheating but but yeah it was cheating but it was great um i had some other question i lost it along the way well i have one well there has to be something at least once or twice for each of you that was so horrible that you were walking around in the boat like, I can't wait to get off this fucking boat!

And you're just hating it. And you're just going over your life in your head of why would I choose to be on this fucking boat? What is it that puts you to that point on there? Where you're just hating it. I'm going to take up the rest of your show if i keep talking about this like oh it's not that bad oh no there was so there was one time when i was sinking and then there was another time when i was out of money which one would

you like to hear the sinking about you sinking yeah okay physically not financially. This is it. Yeah, very good. This was before I met Alana, and I was in Croatia, which is, sorry, I was in Sabtat, which is near Dubrovnik, which is in Croatia. So I'd sailed across from Italy. I was single-handed sailing, and I'd gone to sleep. I was still using the vessel to facilitate my drinking trip around Europe, which I've figured out that you can't really do and now I'm much more of a sailor rather than a partying buffoon. A vagabond.

But a vagabond. So I woke up. I was quite hungover and and it was a very, it's a beautiful anchorage. It's very, very calm. And what happened was a smaller vessel drove past very quick, which creates a wake, which the wake comes over and it rocks your boat like this.

That caused, so I hadn't realised at the time that I'd been slowly filling up with water. And it had filled up to the wooden boards which you walk around on. So that is a shitload of water, like tons and tons of water. And I haven't even really told you guys this, but I knew nothing when I bought the boat. I had zero sailing experience. I'd hoisted a mainsail exactly two times is my little thing that I tell people. So all of the wooden floorboards just crashed around everywhere and water came up and it was up on the walls and on the table and sort of, sort of everywhere, and I just fully panicked.

I ran over, so the boat wasn't set up for blue water cruising. It was set up for just doing little trips, and I grabbed it and started using it as a big long-distance cruiser, so I didn't have enough power, so I didn't have my bilge pump on which is crucial. If anyone has a boat out there make sure your bilge pump is turned on. 24-7. So my bilge pump wasn't going off so I didn't cotton on to the fact that the boat

was filling up with water so I ran over, turned the bilge pump on, turned the engine on because I never had any power on board so the engine was to power the bilge pump on, turned the engine on because I never had any power on board. So the engine was to power the bilge pump and I jumped on the manual bilge pump as well. And I was fully panicking but I pumped out so much water manually and with the bilge as well, the electric bilge pump, that I got it down pretty quickly and then I knew nothing. I had no idea about what was going on so I jumped on my iPad and Googled my boat is filling up with water. What do I do? The first thing that popped up was don't panic, everyone's boat is filling up with water you know just the

rate varies how much is it so i ran down into the bilge and um and had a look at it so i had the the wood up and i had my head down into the little area there that sucks out the water and it was just a slow little trickle it had only been that I hadn't had the bilge pump on. When I say it was a slow trickle, it was nothing to panic about. So I then realized that I had enough time to organize, to have it all sorted out. And I went back to a place that pulled the boat out of the water and repaired it all. And it wasn't too much of a problem, but certainly it was the through hull hull for the propeller the shaft the prop shaft so yeah I was ready to put that to blame Alana and her

luxurious toilets yeah that would have been a nice thing to have a liner on board to blame. I'm so glad I wasn't. I was, yeah, that was one time when I was like, you know. Was the Google solution that you found, when you were Googling it on your iPad, was the first result the one that you went to that helped you, or did you have to, like, sift through a couple pages as your boat was sinking, like, getting through, like, metaphorical, you know, You're overwhelmed now, but don't worry.

You're sinking stuff. I don't know. Shaky wet hand number one. And that sort of put my mind at ease. Wiki how. How do I not die in the ocean? Yeah, it's a very interesting life. Sounds awful.

See, the way they do it is interesting to me because like i said early in the show i can't speak for them but their goal doesn't seem to be to travel as many miles as possible they're just like hey i'm here what's cool nearby and if there's an island system with a dozen little things scattered about, they're like, I heard there was diving here. I heard that there were shops here. I heard there was something there. And they check it out. So I feel like a lot of times when we ask questions,

it's as if they're like lost at sea all the time. Not really. They're just on some sort of nonstop Caribbean vacation, but not necessarily Caribbean. Yeah yeah for them it's called being disorganized disorganized and impatient i guess like we're always like we get to a new spot and the beauty of sailing is that if you don't like a particular place you can pull up the anchor the next day and leave like we can be like this place is shit or you know and just you can go in a heartbeat you don't have to wait around for a bus you have to wait around for a plane so we just go and you know come as we please kyle you look like you've got something to say mate yeah have you ever committed a petty crime

and then fled a country well i stole a cd once and that caused a lot of oh the uproar on the internet that was awesome it was an accident. I'm sorry, everyone. What did you steal? I didn't mean to steal the CD. It was sort of an accident. A deep purple CD. It's a sick CD. But anyway, we found an upturned catamaran, and it looked abandoned.

It was tied to a mooring ball. And so we went and dove on it, and we were diving for ages, just sort of exploring around. All this, you know, everything from inside the boat was scattered all along the ocean floor. It was probably about 20 metres deep. And we were just having fun freediving. And anyway, I found a Deep Purple CD on the ocean floor

and I brought it up and I was like, sick, Deep Purple. And I threw it in the boat. Yeah, well, I stole it. And then a French man came along in his little dinghy and he was like, I don't know, screaming at us to leave because... Understandably, he was we were we were ransacking his upturned catamaran we couldn't understand why throwing the cd back overboard but we were you know stuck with his cd because we were told to leave immediately i've got a money-making idea

there should be a patreon level where they choose which crime she commits on each island. A little shoplifting, a little simple assault, and then get out of town. The guy that you invite blindly onto your boat will commit enough crimes for the three of you. That's what we're hoping, yeah. I thought there was going to be a much more serious crime

that maybe you committed and then fled a country. When Taylor was 17, he ran over a homeless man in Canada and had to flee Canada. He's not allowed to go back now or he faces charges. That's true. Like, the guy lived. First of all, he's already homeless. No, he did not live.

Okay, so, all right. He lived, so it was a hit and run, but he did not die. Did he die, Taylor? Yeah. Oh. I thought he was just paralyzed. He wouldn't have had his injuries, but I had to, you know, afterward, or he would have told someone. You never told me that part.

No, that's why I'm not happy you brought it up. No, I'm not a murderer. But I did donate a dollar, so maybe I'll be the one on your boat. Spaping noises. But I didn't donate the dollar, so maybe I'll be the one on your boat. What do you send as a sly email then saying none of this is true? Because Elena was like, right, I'm done. That is not all. I've had enough about the guns. They're trying to kill all the pirates.

Now they're killing homeless people. Come here. guns they're trying to kill all the pirates now they're killing homeless people I mean this is why I'm nervous I'm like what you killed someone no

not something best brought up casually okay so you said you didn't know what Netflix was and that is a real shocker by the way I think there are tribes in like Papua New Guinea who know what Netflix are but is there anything is there anything that you do stay connected to within the realm of entertainment

or pop culture are you like a big James Bond fan and so you make sure you see the new film is there a sports team and you gotta get in there and see what the scores are is there anything like that in pop culture entertainment sports any of that shit that you're like ah I need to know what's going on about you on with this thing?

Sports, I always used to rely on my friends. They were like, come around. It's a Friday night. Come here. So I've really fallen out of touch with that, particularly Australian rules football. Cricket, Woody, you would know that we went to the cricket in Dominica. If you were a true fan.

I feel like she talked about that in her coffee enema video, but I don't remember. I don't know if I remember you really talking about the cricket a lot. Did I miss one? It's coming back to me now. No wonder you didn't remember it in the coffee enema video. That's not the number one seller in that.

I really, I enjoy most of your videos, but that one, no. Strange one? She just fasted and put what I imagine to be ground coffee beans up her butt for a couple of weeks. It wasn't ground. It was footage.

And that goes on the internet. You should footed. And that goes on the internet. You should say what she doesn't put on the internet. You were enema-ing coffee? Enema-ing coffee? Is that right? Yeah, but I did a 10-day fast just because I was really interested. I was like, how can someone survive 10 days without food? Yeah, that's a good premise.

And at the time, I was living in the middle of Perth City. I've never lived in a city in my life. And I was on the internet every day. And I was like, I need a break. I want to try something different. I need to get out of this apartment. I want to close my laptop. So you did what anybody would do.

So I shoved coffee up my butt for 10 days. Robin Quivers did that. It didn't seem good at all. Robin Quivers is a famous radio personality. She's into all kinds of alternative anything, really. She's done those Hiawatha trips and stuff like that.

But yeah, coffee enemas was one of the things she was into. Hiawatha. I've got a bracelet with that on it. Have you ever done anything like that? You seem really hippie and really kind of far out there. Man, are you into any psychedelics? Any LSD?

Are you expanding your mind at all out there on these voyages? No, not in that sort of way. Oh, of course not. Oh, right, right. Bullshit. No, if I'm in the Caribbean and I'm looking for the weed, I look for a guy like Riley.

Just so you know where the weed is. Hey, I saw you talking about this with the dude from the television channel. Strap Strain? Yeah, yeah. Strap something strain. Yeah, yeah. Something strange. Yeah, I did watch that one. I hope you liked it. Oh my god, I hope you didn't make it to the

second half. In the Caribbean when there's all these rasters walking around with massive dreadlocks, I'm not the one that people ask for weed. Okay. I don't know. I really liked it. I saw not the one that people ask for weed. I don't know. I really liked it. I saw you in that movie

Fast Times at Ridgemont High. I thought you were great. That was a great movie. Your performance was strong. That's a good job to reference movies to people who don't even know what Netflix is. Click that link.

Very much like Fast Times at Ridgemont High. It's really funny. Hang on, we've got to look it up. Fast Times at Ridgemont High is not Matthew McConaughey. Fast Times at Ridgemont High is Sean Penn.

Are you thinking of school days? Am I wrong? No. One of you sent me a link with Matthew Spicoli. Are you thinking of School Days? Am I wrong? Nah. One of you sent me a link with Matthew McConaughey. That's the guy. This, I think, is a movie called School Days.

Is it? Yeah, you're right. Damn, I got my movies crossed. In any case. Yeah, it does say Fast Times at Ridgemont High on this webpage, but I'm right. Yeah. My Googling failed me. It's knocked me off my game. What I'm always going for...

I think it's... Is Matthew McConaughey in Dazed and Confused? That's what I'm thinking of. Dazed and Confused. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I'm wise going for I don't know school Yes It is a movie, but it's not this one at all

anyway back on topic Any yeah, yeah, hey um so how long have you been doing the patreon thing I? Just noticed you talking about it recently. Yeah, so we've, I guess, probably like five months after we initially, well, I initially started the YouTube channel because we didn't really know about it. And people were saying, you should sign up for Patreon. Well, you know what, we didn't, we never even looked into it.

And then one day I was like, oh, this is really cool. Like so many people are getting money for you know the art other stuff so we just did it and here we are some people asked us to sign up so we did and then it's sort of gone from there and you guys are on Patreon

as well aren't you? we are yeah we've got a whole structure on there I think we're going to update it at some point. We'll see. Your logo is amazing. That is so cool. I love it. The GTA theme, yeah.

Well, thank you. I didn't make it. Yeah, we got a fan. It is really cool, though. Who did make that? Send us their email afterwards that we might have to get in to knock us one out. That was pretty cool.

Heather might have had something. I think maybe a fan did it and then maybe Heather talked to the fan about updating it or something. In any case, I like it. You know what we should do? That logo in particular, that's just taken from other pictures of us that are out there.

We should post for some pictures and make a silly one. That would be funny. You know how every season of It's Always Sunny, they've got a photo of them all on a different theme? That'd be kind of fun. Yeah. Yeah, Melissa and I were thinking about getting those, I guess, frames with those stock photo people in it

and then just taking them out and putting all of the different variations of the It's Always Sunny cast in those and having one. Because they have the best ones. Have you seen the new season? Yeah. Where they're all standing there gray and dead,

but they have really bright zombie eyes. Is that like a... What is that supposed to be? Children of the Forest or something? These guys have never seen this show before. It is. No, they don't know. It's only been on for 11 years. It it's not even good it's not even good this show is normal

it i i like it's always sunny in philadelphia but i like it on the same level that like how i met your mother or whatever it's probably not the hot time to have a critical analysis of anything you're right you're someday what was the last show that you were really into? The last TV show for both of you. Game of Thrones. Narcos, because we met up with some of the cast of Narcos and she gave us a message

and was like, hey, we're here filming season 2 of Narcos. We'd like to take you out for dinner or whatever. In Cardinal. So we had to brush up on Narcos because we've never seen an episode it's pretty good

yeah I love it well someone's kind of a hot shot they're like oh yeah well you know there was a show the cast reached out to us to see if we had any time to hang kind of a big deal and stumble upon the the set of a really popular one you know yeah yeah that's a cool story you know you don't watch any tv and then you're in a show we couldn't make it the first

day so they settled for dicaprio but we made it on tuesday and had. Just to think that what Kyle was saying earlier, even stuff like sports, you just don't keep track of anything up to date. So every time you come back to land, I guess, it's like 20 days worth of information all at once. That's so interesting. No, it's not really like that. If you were super passionate about something,

you could easily stay up to date because it's a misconception. You're not out at sea all the time. It's beautiful when you are. It's really nice when you are because you get away from the internet and emails and just all this stuff that i feel like that's why i really love the boat i love getting out on the boat and going fishing and and cooking our own meals and doing all that sort of stuff um have i gone off on a tangent here i don't know no you're good you're great and so can you bail me out here a little uh so you could keep up with something if you wanted to that's right Riley's pretty interested in the cricket and

I've had so many wands so yeah he could but we just I don't know we sort of like the idea of not it's I don't know it's something different I like the relationship dynamic it's one of my favourite parts about you even just now he's like,

I don't know. Pass. It's like watching Woody enjoy your relationship dynamic. Because it's... Somebody's super into a show, watch a show, and they're leaning forward, and then they sit back, like, oh, no, no, it's going to get better. I feel really creepy, oh, no, no, it's going to get better.

I feel really creepy, but yeah. So I'm trying to, how often do you guys make a video? Would you say every two or three weeks? Is that about right? Two weeks maybe? It used to be that we've, now that we're a professional,

we've ramped it up a bit to about three a month. Three a month is the aim, and we have done for the past few months. But before that, it was just whenever I thought the movie was good enough or just, I don't know, I wasn't really too phased when I posted. Not at all. But we've sort of set a bit of a goal for three a month, and we've stuck to that since our little hiatus in Australia where I had to work in Atlanta.

Yeah, I settled this job for us to do. So you never show the bad stuff? You never show... The thing is, the thing is it's very hard to capture a bad moment because when, you know, shit hits the sand

excuse my language, you don't really want to pick up the camera and it's true did you see last week you can't really pick up the camera and even when we're sailing in really terrible weather and it is you know you question yourself and you know why i'm on this boat. You don't want to get out of the camera. It's not your friend anymore. You're like, fuck the camera, fuck everything. But it's almost like you've never seen an island you didn't like. There must be islands where you guys go snorkeling a lot.

With a snorkel, it's completely underwhelming. Are you ever hungry on these things? I i mean i've seen you not catch fish before yeah we've been hungry and we've definitely been to shit on so there's i could give you personally a list of islands i wouldn't i don't want to run off a whole set of ones you know traveling very subjective you know it might have been rainy when we were there or we met an arsehole that perhaps didn't who's the last arsehole in that let's not talk about that so yeah we we do uh you could see elena see she doesn't show the bed right yeah yeah we met this arsehole today he was yeah wait there have to be like little pet peeves that you guys have between each other that people who don't live on a boat

could never even imagine. If you walk into the bathroom after him, are you ever just like, God damn it, he's always three pumps short of fully getting that out of there. And then you just... Clean the grinder. What's the big pet peeve on a boat?

Like chores? I gotta know. Well, we like a clean boat. I know it might be... She has a room of clothing. She has nine cubic meters of clothing in one of the bedrooms. It's not that much clothes.

Most of it's sheets and towels. So we sort of try and keep the boat tidy, and if one of us is being especially messy, that's sort of what we hate. Oh no, I've got a list of pet things. I've got them written down. Do you like them?

Print them out. No, there's Oh, this is interesting. What annoys me about you? There's just so many things. Can't even narrow it down. I watch it. Oh, that stupid fucking look on your face. You don't use

real deodorant. I don't know what he does. I can't do accents. No, no, you can. See, we're all trying to do the accent because we think it's funny. Your failed accent is much funnier than Taylor or myself's half-ass accent. Yours is the best.

I love when you do the accents. I want you to carry on on tangents with your accent sometimes. I would love it. Yeah, they're not. Anyway, I want to hear what irritates you about her, the big pet peeve. It's got to be funny it has to be boat related boat related annoyances about elena all right maybe uh not not probably a huge issue but we um our life blood our source of income, how we survive is with our electrical equipment,

so laptops and cameras with expensive lenses that are very fragile. So you can imagine there's hatches and there's a lot of edges. The boat will rock and Elena will sometimes be like, oh no, it's very calm. I won't even... That's fine. That'll be fine there. And as she places the laptop, you know, precariously on the edge of the table

and, you know, things like that. So things fall. Things fall. So just general carelessness. I would have thought by now everything would be like fall and spill proof proof like the laptop would have a suction Cup on the bottom of it so you could like stick it anywhere you wanted like every item Or double velcro, that's what you need pretend like you're in space man. It should be double velcro and suction cup everything

That's it once again that gets back to us being disorganized Once again that gets back to us being disorganized. We're logged in. We're logged to a place where we're like, what's going on? You can't just double Velcro unless you're living in a living space entirely covered in Velcro. Uh-uh. No, no, no.

Sorry. So they make- Like some sort of sociopath. Haven't you seen those strips? All right. So hear me out here. This is kind of a stupid topic, but they make these Velcro strips. They're sticky on one side and they're Velcro on the other.

You stick it to, say, this gun, so you've got one kind of Velcro. And then you take the other thing and put that tape on a wall or something, and then you can Velcro it to the wall. That's great. I use it for lots of stuff. That would actually help them in case the Somalia situation. For the dashboard gun and the headboard shotgun. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay, well, you know what? That Velcro would probably work, but when we're on, like, when we're heeled over, the idea is to put everything away. So there's nothing on the table. There's nothing, you know, that could fly to the other side of the room.

Yes, that is the idea, Alana. What he's talking about is the electrical equipment. You know, the really important stuff that I use and then I put somewhere, forgetting about it, and then there it goes. I think we're going to put Velcro everywhere. Yeah. I think maybe if I do that, yeah.

What if you had more gimballed stuff around? I was curious, what's on a gimball? Do you have a table on a gimball? Is your stove on a gimball? Now, what is a gimball? A stove is on a gimball. A gimball is so that it can sort of swing like this. It's not as good as a gyroscope, which is the crazy gun we heard about. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not too big of a fan. So a gimbal, I think basically

it's like two ball bearings so it can go around with a weight in the bottom. And then when the ship tilts, the oven doesn't. and they do it with stoves a lot or range tops i don't really know my words um and i don't know if they do it with tables do they do tables on a gimbal i don't know no no no tables a gimbal is like a 2d gyroscope there you go gyroscope. There you go. Gyroscope talk. Does your boat get heavier every year, or is that something you actively fight? That happens with age. You must want to pick up a bicycle or realize, oh, now I need a freaking two-and-a-half-inch socket for this particular problem.

Do you just accumulate stuff? No. Yes, you do, Alina. Jesus, Alina.ena jesus elena come on now we've got all the stuff you made me we've got blenders we've got hair dryers we don't even own a hair dryer that is false there's one or does she have deodorant in the kitchen, in the bathroom. The blender was a, that really struck a blow. That was probably another time when I was like, right, I'm out, I'm selling the boat. Everyone needs a blender. Margarita time!

And then Elena walks out with these delicious cocktails and I'm like, God it that was a great idea for me I swear it would be tools actually Riley you rarely fix your own stuff but you always try I would wager I would bet that they carry by weight I bet they've got more alcohol than tools that is a tool in it's own way

you know I don't know. There's a lot of alcohol on there at the moment. There's not a lot of alcohol. We find that because we're in a peculiar situation where we're essentially, we're obviously working but it feels like we're on holiday every day so we don't want to get into the trap where we're drinking every night because you know nothing gets done we don't end up sailing everywhere anywhere i don't think we drink that much babe but you know

what there is a lot of alcohol in the boat because once uh one of the one of those people that do a charter anyway a charter just finished and it was a bunch of americans and they had like 15 bottles of alcohol and they just gave it to us. And you thought, hey, we don't drink much, you know, over here. Give it to us. So that's why we have alcohol, but other than that, it's just fine. Yeah.

I can see how that would be tempting to just fall into like a rapper style lifestyle. Just boating and partying all day every day so does your i've i've read about people who do what you do and this guy i was reading he was a real tech guy he's like old school he wrote microsoft's first word processor i forget his name it was a great book though anyway his advice was to keep the boat simple. Like when he first got on, he thought he was going to have power everywhere. More and more, he just started stripping more out of the boat. He made it lighter.

He made it simpler. He gave up a lot of things that to me would seem like comforts because to him, they were one more thing to maintain and go wrong. That's what Riley's like. I keep asking him to get a little washing machine. You are spot on, Woody. You are all over it. You clearly know a bit about this stuff. Good on you, mate.

Where do you land on this thing? It sounds like you two have to find a medium between you. I don't want that many things. I want a blender and a few small comforts. And a washing machine is one of them. Satellite dish? Half the time when I, you know. Air conditioner, spa, or jacuzzi, I think you call it.

To live somewhere that's not constantly rocking, making you feel ill. That's not me, that's him. He gets very frustrated. I love to sleep to the rocking. It's him that gets really frustrated. No, so you're dead right, Woody. The more things you have on board, the more things are going to break.

If you can either do your own washing in a bucket, which it doesn't take that long, and hang it out, it's generally good weather. You're going to save yourself a lot of hassle in the long run, and it's therapeutic. You don't even do it. I don't. Yeah, he's really interested in your

therapy. You should be thanking him. Yeah, it's therapeutic like watching someone woodwork. You don't have to be doing it, but you watch them do it and it's a little therapeutic. It's therapeutic for you to watch her do chores. I'm surprised you guys have two heads i guess it kind of makes sense you've got one for in the marina and one for at sea but it seems like

a lot of maintenance and you're giving up a room it's the bathroom bathroom wow if i if i yeah it's the bathroom if i had a choice i would have got i would got the room that is Elena's closet. I would turn it into an actual closet, get rid of the two bunk beds and make it a proper place where we can store sails and dresses. A proper withdrawers. And get rid of the forward head and just have one toilet in there. Yeah. The vessel was built for chartering.

It's made for chartering. Yeah always you buy a second hand boat you're always making do with you know what other people's plans were what's the spare room like see you guys is it like is it what double size bed is it's empty all the time because you guys bring patreons on you have a another room yeah you don't just all pile in the bed just full of booze so so one room is completely you know that's an entirely new level on that room yeah one room's completely clean and the other has just got you know, like a few extra buoys and, you know, fenders and just ropes and whatever we can't fit outside in Riley's work. Yeah.

You mentioned earlier that, like, you will hunt or fish or dive down in there and get food from the ocean. What's, like, what's the primo meal that you're so excited about when you catch it or kill it and you come back up and cook it like mahi mahi dolphin dolphin fish lobster lobster is very very nice and groper groper they're they're our three favorites we always see these huge gropers and we can never get them like We have seen gropers that are just like huge. It always comes back to the boat.

Why is it hard to catch a grouper? They're onsea. They're very intelligent. They know you have to not look at them and it's really hard because, for one, you're down deep and you need to line up the fish and you have to pretend like you haven't seen them. It's really hard because well you know you for one you're down deep and you need a sort of line up the fish and you have to pretend like you haven't seen them so it's really hard absolutely clever fish and i remember for a lot longer than you'd think they do really um how big are they oh a group like over 100 pounds. I don't know how big that can get. There's some that...

Am I missing a joke? Everyone's laughing but me. No, there might be, but I'm not in on it. Kyle just started giggling and I'm trying to figure it out. Nothing. Just looking really giggly. So, Grouper Lobster...

Kyle just sent Tyler a message saying, I'd love to grow a felina. That would have been a funny message to send, but it would have cracked me up quite as much as what I was actually thinking. Are lionfish any good? I've seen you eat them. I know they're poisonous, yet you eat them anyway. What's the scoop on that? You eat poisonous fish?

Yeah, they taste like a lightning. What's the scoop on that? You eat poisonous? Yeah, they taste like. We've seen these pests around and along the way, people have told us to kill them if you see them. I took a video of one once and people were commenting like, you know, these guys are a pest. They're ruining the ecosystem.

Apparently, they're good eating. We just went on a bit of a killing spree one day and gave it a go. I learned how to actually cut the spikes off, the spines off. You guys would have loved it. We just slaughtered like dozens of fish. It was amazing. Your honorary Americans. There was blood everywhere. It was awesome. That sounds great. So yeah, you can eat like…

Licensed to kill. Yeah. Eat some explosives. How do you cook them? Do you just throw them on the stove do you ever like deep fry fish like all different kinds we don't have a deep fry we pretty much just fry it we ceviche recently ceviche do you know about ceviche yes no yeah we get we get into that a bit best thing in the world all you need is lemon juice or lime juice, depending what country you're in. Raw fish has to be fresh. Shove it in a bowl, lemon juice, and it just cooks the meat like the citrus just cooks it. It's really good. It's tremendous. It's really, really nice. All right. So you guys-

That sounds like honestly the best part of the whole thing is fresh food like that every Do you ever eat any fish raw? Oh, like Gollum. Yeah, well, so- Tina. So a CJ. Goll, like Gollum. Yeah, well, so, a sea giant. Gollum! Gollum! Be precious. Wriggling!

Have you guys seen Lord of the Rings? It's kinda new. Fantastic! No, no, we're saying nah. I turned it off after the first 30 minutes. Woo! Get her off the show, Riley only. I turned it off after the first setting. Get her off the show. Riley only.

Sorry, guys. It's worse. You should have known that. You should have known that. Beautiful story. Sorry, I think I trampled over you a second ago, Woody. What were you saying? I was going to ask him.

So you guys are on land a lot, but you're not always at what I'd consider civilization. Sometimes you go shopping in un-air-conditioned grocery stores and stuff like that. When you go to places that are more built up, what are the things that you look for? What are you targeting? Like, oh yes, this place has this.

Real toilets. Movie theaters. So down the Caribbean islands, the chain of Caribbean islands, every maybe third one, don't quote me on that, but every now and then you come across a French one which has just got amazing bread, amazing cheese, and amazing wine. And you walk into some of these stores and cured meats and you're just like, oh, it's just amazing.

Yeah. So when we get to a civilized, you know what, even when we come to like a built-up sort of place, you would think that we would like, I don't know, I've grown out of the whole liking a nice shower. Oh, don't get me wrong, I do love a nice shower. No, we don't buy it. You don't need one.

She just needs her sea salt deodorant once every other day i sort of i look for um like social things i love they're not listening they're laughing i don't know i I like social things. It's rare to find a group of people at one place all together when you're in these deserted places. So when we get to a place like that, I love meeting people. I love hearing their stories. So that's what I look for. Alana's 22.

She loves to party. She's still drinking and carrying on like a 22-year-old. I was going to say a pork chop, but that's an Australian saying, I think. Yeah, that makes no sense to me. Yeah, that doesn't translate. Carrying on like a pork chop. He called you a pig as far as I can tell.

I know. It's not always about partying. I just like the social side of things, and that just happens to involve alcohol sometimes. But there are certain events that don't. And people your own age. So sometimes, Elena would prefer to be around not cities but places where you can catch up with people your own age. Girls in particular. Well sailors are mostly old yeah old dudes

which i love hanging out with it like you can learn a lot off and you know they're pretty funny these old guys that have been kicking around on boats for however many years on end i do love them too yeah you do but i need yeah i can i could sort of hang out with that crew for a fair while if you were to stereotype these old dudes, right? Like these guys, I'm picturing them to be early gray hair, right? Like 50 years old, they've been kicking around forever. Yeah, divorced. Yeah, like that's where I was headed.

Peg leg. Describe their life story that led them up to their seafaring lifestyle. How did these guys end up where they are? Predominantly, so I would say you've got your single handed sailors, which is sort of the guys that you're describing, but far and away it's elderly couples that have just sort of retired or, you know, they've done quite well. So they've retired a little bit early, and they're cruising around doing what they've been planning for the last 20 or 30 years. So a lot of times their story is just beautiful.

They've finally made it, and they're just ecstatic to be wherever they are. Now, how long have they been doing it? Are these guys still in the honeymoon phase of cruising, or are they like, you you know they made the right call they're beyond honeymoon but then they're beyond the it being difficult they've learned to make it easy for themselves as well so yeah money seems to help a lot uncomfortable invitations from a salty sailor guy for you to go on his boat for a party or anything like that that you had to turn down? Because you thought he was crazy.

What was that? Any, like, uncomfortable, like, a salty seaman is like, oh, you know, come over to my boat. We're throwing a big one tonight. And then you're like, oh, no thanks. Like, creepy people that invited you over to their boat. The first thing that just came to my mind was when we were in Cape Verde, you know that old guy on the yellow boat? He wanted to watch movies with us, and he was on this tiny little boat,

like this big, and he was a bit, you know, he'd been single-handed sailing for years and years and years. He'd done a lot of drugs. He was the one that taught me how to mend sails. He was so nice. Yeah, but he was a bit weird, though. But you didn't want to watch movies with him, yeah. I didn't want to watch movies with him. I don't want to watch movies with him.

It was a really nice offer. What movies did he want to watch? I don't know. He said he had a hard drive with thousands on it. Debbie does tell us that. A hard drive with thousands on it. And you're going to be a thousand and one. I don't know.

But other than that, I have never been really creeped out by someone asking us to come on their boat. They're generally pretty not. I've never met a group of people that I could speak more highly of. They're so helpful. They're just so nice, inviting, welcoming. They're like... Open-minded.

Very open-minded. That comes, I think, with... These guys have been traveling for a long time. I think that comes with that. And they're just, yeah, overwhelmingly helpful. They're like, if I've ever got any sort of issue, they're just, they come in hordes. They're like, yeah, we'll help you out. It's the best community. Particularly being younger.

They're just so keen, so keen to help. Really awesome people so in some ways your lifestyle is really really inexpensive right you're like buying groceries at third world countries with favorable exchange rates and stuff like that how often but but money solves a lot of problems too right you know you're some sale is tipping over a line breaks and it's expensive to ship it to you but if you had tons like, do you ever find you run low on money to do this sorts of things you wish you could do or things you want to do next to free? So sometimes it's repairs. Sometimes it's activities.

Are you like, do you need more money? What was the question? Do we need money? like, do you need more money? Hang on, what was the question? Do we need money to proceed? How often are you short on cash? And would that make life better? Yeah, yeah. Exactly. You said it better than I did.

How would money make life better? Initially, cash was a huge problem. Then I went back and got some work, and now we're making money off the internet. So it's always a problem. and boats are just wildly expensive. It's just insane. It's almost, I think I had a friend talking, all my friends are getting married now and they're like, oh, if you're going somewhere, if you're trying to organize a wedding, it's

like triple what you would imagine it would be and it's the same with boats I found. It's like they just start, they just whack another zero on there and they're like oh you know that's you've got a boat what you must be rich and when we first when we're first starting and we're making a lot of mistakes and breaking things it was costing a lot like we just heard a bank account just going you know that was other time, apart from my boat filling up with water, that was the other time I was going to throw the towel in. I was losing money at such an incredible rate. I was like, this is just nuts. What kind of expensive mistakes were you making?

Alayna, would you like to tell them about the time you shredded the headsail? Yes. No, but yes. So I was on watch at night time and I heard the headsail making a rather loud noise. It just sounded like one of the sheets wasn't pulled tight enough. And, you know, so I pulled it tighter. Anyway, I made the same noise again. I pulled it tighter and Riley popped his head out because he was asleep downstairs and he was like, what was that noise? I was like, oh, it's just a headsail. You know, it's a bit loose.

It's coming undone. He was like, all right, cool. And then all of a sudden it just sort of started going like bananas and what had happened was... We're in the Gibraltar Strait, did you say that? That time when they asked us, like, were there any times when we questioned what we were doing. The Gibraltar Strait for me was when I was like, what am I doing on a boat?

I've got, you know, no clue what I'm doing. Why am I here? This is the worst thing ever. is a crazy stretch of land water you've got hot water from the Mediterranean leaving cold water from the Atlantic coming in which causes turbulence then you've got the rock can you see my hands it the rock of Gibraltar like this and then in Morocco you've got the same thing so the wind if it's going one way it just it just howls through this straight and it's just anyway

hectic weather and I overrolled the head sail which caused a hourglass air bubble so this air bubble was stuck up the sail and it was you know it got really big it grew it ripped out more of the sail and it just started flapping and it it sounded like it was going to rip off what was there so riley you know got out the knife and he was nearly going to cut it and i was like don't cut it like we can try and figure this out and you know you couldn't just pull it down? No. No, it was, well, it turns out, if you had heard it, it's nighttime, it's blowing 40 knots of breeze, and it's dark, and I've got a knife in my mouth going, I'm going to cut it down.

And Elena's going, no, no, don't do that. And it's, honestly, it scares the shit out of you when you're there and you're probably not thinking 100% straight. So it turns out there's a reasonably easy way to get out of that, which I didn't know. We eventually figured it out. Alana figured it out. Thank you.

I caused the problem, but I solved it, so it's all right. But it did cause a bit of damage. So that was a pretty big cost. We had to get that sorted while we were in Gibraltar. And, you know solved it, so it's all right. But it did cause a bit of damage, so that was a pretty big cost. We had to get that sorted while we were in Gibraltar. And, you know, yeah, Gibraltar. Did you fix the sailor gun anyway? We fixed it. Fixed it.

Sewed it up. We paid someone to fix it. We can't. We don't have a big industrial sewing machine on board, so that job was a little out of our league. But it's almost like, particularly early, yeah, the costs were just stacking up. That's a huge problem that you would have to surmount

when you're initially buying a boat. But now we're making less mistakes and it's sort of like, yeah, get that nice cheese, I'll get that, I'll, you know, buy that for yourself. We're not under that pressure anymore, which is great. Yeah. Someone, like I said, I've read about this and stuff. The boat.

So a home is in like a constant state of deterioration. You know, every 15 years you need a new roof. Every whatever, five years you need new paint. A boat is like that. But it's like every month there's another thing that wore out that that rotted that it especially when it's in the water you know if you're if you have it on land I'm not doing something yeah there's always time it's it's crazy but I think also houses in Australia I don't know if America's the same the

same way the houses go up in value, whereas boats go down in value and break and fall apart. That's a universal truth. Yeah, Kyle knows all about that. There are space boats that depreciate. No matter where you are in the universe, that equation is true. Yeah, but you guys seem to have broken the

the mold with uh do you want to go taylor uh you can go i just i i don't know where i was headed was you guys seem to have broken the mold on that whole happiest two days in a sailor's life thing you know that you've heard this before the day they buy it and the day they sell it you've had yeah for sure better days than that like most people i think it's even fair to say most people end up regretting their boat purchase more than half but i don't think you're in that and that's a category no we're definitely not we've had some like crazy good times but we've we're also pretty fortunate in the situation that we find ourselves now in where we can make money off the internet. It's one thing that I'd like to introduce more in the future into our videos is the

tough times and also maybe I really don't want to caution people against it and we're all about it. There's such negative stuff in the news and everywhere. We alone in particular would like to be an inspiration to people and that's what we sort of keep hearing. So I don't want to be a bit of a downer or a buzzkill or whatever, but there are some extraordinarily tough times and money in particular is very difficult and I personally would find it difficult to

deal with this if someone, particularly a young person bought a boat and they're like well you said it was going to be easy and you did this and you did that and I'd be like oh man it's so hard. Oh man, it's so hard. So I would like to introduce that in the future. And I've actually recently composed a series of questions that I'm going to ask other captains of boats that we've met. And we're going to sort of interview them and then do a bit of a video about that and have them sort of hopefully what I guess they'll say is,

yeah, it's expensive and yeah, it's hard and you've got to do your own repairs and you're working every day and stuff like that to give people more of an idea about the other side of things. I wanted the chance to say that I don't know how to give you internet advice without acting like some sort of dick, but I've been at this for a while, so take it for what it's worth. All your social media interactions, right? This is your Twitter, your YouTube, your Facebook, or whatever, needs to do one or more of these three things. Each one should educate, entertain, or connect, right? Those are the three things you're doing with your videos. You educate, entertain, or connect. If you're not doing one of those, then, then you're probably boring them, you know, educate, entertain, and connect. And, and when you put it together, when you edit it, you can think to yourself like, ah, you know, is this going to bring me closer to my fan base?

Is this going to, you know, is my fan base getting something out of this in education or entertainment? Like Those are the things. And then the other one is schedule. You guys don't watch TV, so this might not work on you, but it's something I've told people. If I say, hey, your favorite TV show is Seinfeld, right? That's your favorite TV show. You love it.

Every week you look forward to it, except I'm changing things up now. Now, sometimes Seinfeld's on Tuesday morning. And sometimes it's on Friday nights. And sometimes it's on Thursday afternoons. Go follow Seinfeld. And it makes it so much harder. Where, you know, like Jenna Marbles. I don't know if you've heard of her, but she's like giant on YouTube.

She would sing in her videos the very end. New videos every Wednesday. I can't sing, so I'll let you slide. But it was there, you know? And for people who get into her videos, they know, like they sit there and click on refresh on Wednesdays waiting for that upload.

Whereas you guys, what I do is I click on my subscription tab to see if I missed anything. And usually, you know, if it's been a while, it has. You know, I go back and like, look, there was one three days ago. You know, I wasn't on top of it. So educate, entertain, and connect.

I haven't really watched any of your – I watched maybe one video before you guys hopped on just to get a feel for it. Do you make video of, like, the whole killing the fish and cooking it process, stuff like that? Or is it all just, like, different? So do you include the processed, stuff like that, or is it all just different? Do you include the gruesome stuff like that? Because that would be really interesting to watch you just come up with a lobster between your teeth and then just hack it down and start cooking it.

That would be great. That would be captivating for me. We're missing a key target audience here, Alana. The knife you won't see actually entering the brain of the fish. It's more like once the fish is dead and we've washed the blood away, there'll be a bit of fileting happening maybe. But maybe we'll get into, maybe we have to start another channel. Yeah, incredible.

The beginning of the fish because it feels more real and more like, wow, they really are out in the middle of fucking nowhere if you just fillet it from the beginning. Like, you know, this fish didn't come with no head like the one in the supermarket. Like, I removed that. I don't know. You gotta be careful, Paul,

because your audience will start to relate to the fish. They'll start to like the fish if they get to know it too much before it's dead. We ran into something kind of similar to this. We had a chicken in our survival. We went on a survival trip. Five day trip. We didn't bring any food. But we brought a live chicken.

And at some point, we have to kill and butcher the chicken. And that went down. I have never killed a chicken before. I'm not even going to bring it up, but let's just, I will say this, the audience didn't like it that much.

I feel like a lot of people out there were like, oh, you could have spared him, but you know, we didn't. It was him or me. That's how I saw it too. Yeah.

Yet they all eat chicken for dinner, but they just don't want to see it killed. Well, this is. I would personally never kill a chicken myself. I don't have it in me i'm not like that i believe all you would however hang around with one for four minutes i had chicken for lunch you know it's they are dumb adam go go four days without food and then you'll be like you know what chicken I'll kill you

yeah you'll be inventing reasons to hate him look at you sitting there fluttering your wings everyone else befriended that chicken Woody was just always looking at him he never got past his initial hate for chickens it was like one of those movies where

it's a holocaust movie and all the German guards It was like one of those movies where it's a Holocaust movie, and all the German guards at the camp are starting to feel sorry for the little Jewish boy, and they're all talking about maybe sneaking him out because Hitler's... The end is near. I'm a Nazi in this story. We're all Nazis. But then there's this one Nazi coloni colonel like colonel landa

type motherfucker that really believes in the final solution and that's woody and despite the fact that all the other guards myself um chis and patrick are all like come on sir he's not as bad as the rest and now we're british instead of german for some reason it's not as bad as the rest sir but but woody was just intent on hacking that head off and that little Jewish boy. I mean, the chicken just got hacked up. I had a chicken, a machete, and an empty belly. It was meant to be. And then you guys boiled the shit out of it.

Yes. Ruined it. You know, it's not often that I admit failure, but I will say I boiled the shit out of that chicken, didn't I? I was just afraid. You know when you're in a scenario where you got one chance to do something, and undercooking means food poisoning?

It's like... Really? Did that chicken have salmonella? It was a free-range healthy chicken. Where do you think salmonella comes from? Living in their own poop. No, it's just the bacteria that grows on the butchered chicken when it's on the countertop.

I would have guessed you guys are right. They also tell you not to eat raw cookie dough because you can get salmonella and everyone knows that's horse shit. Most of the time it is, but it's possible. If the eggs are left out exposed and then salmonella or E. coli or whatever. Lots of bad...

That's how we sort out the people that need to be final solutioned. People who get salmonella and e coli or whatever yeah lots of bad yeah that's how we sort out the people that need to be uh final solutioned people who get salmonella and people with peanut allergies could you take another sip from your cup it's him oh yeah he's got a mug with a picture of himself actually you have two cups with a picture of yourself on it you think I've only got two? That's cute. I mean, I got sent two or three by fans, but I had a collector's set long before anybody else thought it was funny. My wife made me a plate of cookies.

I'm going to get me one. I've got some blueberry pound cake over here. I don't have any snacks. Cliff Hutchinson, attorney at law. Can I show them our little picnic that we've got set up? Let's tell the backstory first because we went to the supermarket. We're like, all right, let's get a bottle of wine.

We'll get some snacks, whatever. We haven't even eaten dinner. And Riley does not know how to be somewhere on time. I'm sorry, babe, you just don't. And I'm always – I do not like to be late. I'd rather show up an hour early rather than five minutes after, whatever. And we're in the supermarket and the line was long. And I was like, we've got to be late, we've got to be late.

Anyway, we rushed home. We didn't have time to eat. And this is but also we fortunately for us because we don't get to do this very often we uh got to book a hotel room for the night just to just so that we could have internet to talk to you guys but this is the that's the sort of the picnic that we've got set up in the background there. Oh, nice. Exotic.

This is our very own chicken. Yeah. So that's where we've been sneaking off to. Oh, is that what you guys do when you hop off camera? You're eating? We're in there. That and doing, you know, the acid. That and the acid.

That and the acid. That and the acid. I can't imagine anything worse than tripping while being in the middle of the ocean on a little boat. I was wondering that about your, not necessarily the illegal drugs, but the legal drugs. You guys carry your own pharmacy with you in case of emergency? You self-diagnose and take some penicillin or something? How does that work?

We have a very basic medical kit on board we haven't really needed to use it yet touch wood but I don't know we're not well I know we had to when you got the mosquito disease yeah you can gun... Are there any places you visit, any countries, localities, or anything like that that you would just advise others to completely avoid? Was there a place you went where you were like, what the fuck did we stop here for? We should have went that way another three hours

and there would have been white people. The most bullshit place you've ever been. Did you say with white people? Is that what you said? I don't think you said that. No. What did I hear? I don't know.

I don't know either. Anyway, the most bullshit place you've ever been. Albania. What's wrong with Albania? Albanians. It's just shit. Like, there's, to the north, you've got Croatia and Montenegro, which are both just absolutely beautiful.

Oh, but you're going to say shit as well. No, they're beautiful. I'm using them as an example of why Albania is so shit. And then to the south of there you've got Greece. And just, if you just don't stop, like Albania is just so shit. But that's, you're talking sailors, you know, point of view. There was no facilities. No, well, I went inland as well.

I just think the whole place is just completely avoidable. So was that the place that had the worst locals, Albania? Like, the locals are shitty? Yeah, what makes the place garbage? Like, is it just bad snorkeling or expensive groceries no no so the the port the port so this is subjective it's uh to do with the yacht the port was completely industrial but then uh the customs officials were impossible the uh and i mean you've got to hire an agent and then the agent is, whilst he's there, he's still trying to stiff you.

So his initial fee and then, you know, and that just, it just escalates from there. You've got to. And it's not even a good place to go to. So you're like getting your pants pulled down. Yeah. At customs. The whole place is just terrible. And when you go inland to the capital city, that's just shit as well.

Another thing you guys never mention. When I read about other Blue Water guys, they always seem to have a problem with the other traffic. They're waking up every 15 or 30 minutes looking for oil tankers and stuff like that. You guys have never mentioned that problem. Do you just roll the dice or do they overstate it do you have some tool like how come you're not always worried about getting run over by a cruise ship well when we were in like areas like the med you're gonna talk about jack you can't talk about jack again no no no you can talk about jack no Make it, did it. We're all cool with him. We miss him. He fell asleep once.

I love Jack. He fell asleep once. He didn't miss a shit. He missed land. But there's a thing called AIS, which is automatic. I don't even know the name of it. We couldn't get ours connected because of an Australian bureaucratic. You need to pay money.

You need to get a license. Do a radio license course. Do a radio license to get a number and pay money to, and I wasn't in Australia so it was impossible for me. Anyway, we don't have an AIS which basically just puts up little blips on the screen so oh yeah, there's a freighter coming at 30 knots directly at you. Probably time to alter course. So we still don't have that so we're supposed to wake up every

15 minutes but single-handed sailors don't do that if you're by yourself you need to sleep so we just go to sleep that you're going to intersect right you know you're probably very very small very small i mean small. I mean... If we're in a busy place, both of us are waking up. It'll either be him or I who have popped their head up. I don't wake up.

I know you don't. I'm awake a lot of the time during the night because I know you're asleep and I'm like a meerkat. You might get struck by lightning. You might get boarded by pirates. Do you guys have heat and air? Heat and air conditioning

you gotta no neither we definitely we don't we definitely don't need heaters well we did

in November in Europe that was freezing we had five blankets on outside that was that was ridiculous but

since then we haven't really I had five blankets on outside I slept downstairs thank you and you don't have air conditioning either no that's all would probably that'd be the one thing that I would probably get like I would say don't get a washing machine don't get definitely dishwasher don't get is that there's a whole list of things that you probably wouldn't get,

but air conditioning would be very, very nice. We only recently just got like a really cool fan. Yeah, we only just got a fan. And it has just made life so much better. We installed it and we're just like, oh, my God, that's amazing. You devoted like seven minutes of video to that fan. Yeah, it was that good. We probably underplayed it.

Like, this is the fan installation. This is what the fan's going to do. Here's a shot of Riley enjoying the fan in action. He's laying down. It's like that every day. We still lie in the bed and we're like, how did we not have this for the past forever? Yeah, Elena will give me one of these looks every now and then,

like, is that all we had to do? And, you know, yeah. I'm a bit behind the times in some things. How about internet access? Do you have a satellite of some sort, or do you only have it on land? We just got... We just got a new sat phone, but before then, before now.

Where is it? I don't know, babe, but you should probably take your headphones off before you go walking down the road. Sorry. Yeah, we got a sat phone. It's called an Iridium Go. Yeah. But anyway, there's not much data, so you get compressed emails.

And I called my dad today because he's meeting us in the galapagos he got so excited he opened the new sat phone he's like it's five o'clock in the morning i was like oh i got the sat phone he's like very very good i said i'll i'll call you later well you wouldn't have had that problem if you'd had an MVMT watch. Have you heard about the MVMT watches? Best goddamn watches in the nation. They haven't heard of Breaking Bad.

They haven't heard of MVMT watches. I'm currently downloading season four of Breaking Bad. Wait, you're not downloading it on that compressed internet. Oh, you're downloading it there at the hotel, maybe? Yeah. We've really made the most of the hotel internet. Good. Anyway, Kyle,

MVMT watch? Yes, yes, back to the watches. As hosts, we get sent stuff all the time. Sometimes it's a hit, other times not so much. Well, Movement sent us some watches the other day, and I have to say, these are totally a hit. It's like when you get something new and everybody at work keeps asking where you got it.

Now, I've got the black-on-black one. It's right here, actually. Yeah, I like this one. I got the black-on-black one. Movement watches were founded on the idea that Silas watches don't have to be expensive. By selling online, they're able to cut out the middleman and give you the best possible

price. Movement Watches start at just $95. At a department store, you're looking at $400 to $500. You'll look sharp in the office or going out at night. There's no hassles. Just order online with free shipping, free returns, and 24-month warranty. Join the movement by saying no to big brand retail markups.

Go to MVMTwatches.com slash PKA today, and they'll give you 15% off your entire purchase. That's MVMTwatches.com slash PKA. Nicely read, Kyle. Yeah, I actually like this watch. Well done. I mean, it's great. It's a this watch. Well done. I mean, it's great.

It's a wonderful watch. He memorizes all of those before every show. I write them. No, he doesn't. What I should start doing, though, is rewriting them in the style of George R.R. Martin. We had a guest like three or four weeks ago. He was gay, and he absolutely fell in love with Kyle during the ad read. He's just like, I could watch you do these ads all day long.

He went on and on. Your face is so symmetrical. I was just staring at you during the ad. Milo really liked me. He was a huge at you during the ad. Milo really liked me. He was a huge fan of Kyle. He was. I enjoyed watching that unfold. Has he ever been to a

paintballing expedition? No, no. He hasn't. I've never met him in real life or anything. He was a guest on here, what, three weeks ago? I guess, not a fan. Yeah, he's a big, I don't know, he's a big outspoken. So he's very openly gay, very flamboyant, but he's very politically conservative.

And so that's kind of the cool thing about him. Yeah, that's the rub. And he's really outspoken. He's really popular on the internet or at least um gets a lot of attention on the internet whenever they need a subject area expert on like feminism or the wage gap or something like that people like fox news cnn or msnbc will get him on as they're like you see them you know like they're talking heads that debate one side and they just pull in experts and then they let them argue he'll be one of those guys yeah I liked him alone the walking

contradiction so yeah he's very well-spoken it would be supremely difficult to out argue him but he's got a soft spot for Kyle maybe you could do it yeah I did out argue him he. He tried coming up in here saying The Princess Bride was a shit movie. Fuck him. It was like I had notes on that. I watched The Princess Bride like a month before. At mouth Rob Reiner like that. Come on. Okay, no. I was about to get into a conversation about that movie and nobody wants to hear a conversation about that movie that came out. If you're out there and you've never seen The Princess Bride, watch that shit.

It's a fucking masterpiece. Time it with your movement watch. Never seen it, but I might download it tonight. How does that sound? I don't know. There's better stuff that you could be downloading and you're on borrowed time as it is. That's true.

Here's a cool thing to ask you guys. If we've missed out on... Well, let's just say that we've missed out on everything in the last three years. Give me one thing from each of you that you would like us to download tonight, be it movie, computer game... Documentary.

Or documentary. Are you familiar with Game of Thrones that's the other one that I'm downloading yeah that's awesome okay so yeah that's the best thing that's been made in say the last five years I'm gonna say Breaking Bad is there too

they're both A level shows I think it's better than Breaking Bad it's just better I don't know Breaking Bad is so good technically speaking like we've talked about this at length but um game of thrones is super good and if you'd like comic book stuff um uh like superhero stuff uh they made a thing on netflix like a 10 episode uh tv show about daredevil which is a kind of a kind of a little known marvel superhero it was very good, too. It's the highest-rated thing that's ever been on

Netflix, Taylor. The highest-rated thing that's ever been on Netflix. I don't want to watch a show about a blind superhero. A superhero who I wouldn't want to be. He has the best sense than I do. That's why he's a great superhero! It's a curse!

If they were like, you can be Batman, I'd be like, yes, sign me up. You can be Superman. Sign me up. You can be Daredevil. You can be blind and stop minor misdemeanors at gas stations. No, fuck you. I'm not going to go blind. I would want to be –

A whole monitor. Yeah, a whole – just very minimal crimes. Vandalism and loitering are your penalties. You're not the strongest guy at the gym, but you're curiously strong for your builds. Strongest guy at the gym. All right, so what's your recommendation then? Mine or who are you talking to?

One of you. I'll go, I'll go. You know, so I recommended Occupy. It's either Occupy or Occupied. And it has subtitles, although I suspect you guys will be fine with that. And it happens in the near future. And Norway gets occupied by Russia. And you see, like, the very tricky and subtle, like, political moves as it escalates from, like, oh, they're just here to make sure we make enough

oil to like holy smokes this is an invasion and it is so compelling i i ruined my sleep schedule for that show and just to binge watch it and then i mentioned it on this show a couple weeks ago and i've just been getting like floods of positive feedback from people who watched it because I said to so it's either Occupy or Occupied I could look it up I think that you should get Castaway Jaws and Open Water just as a constant reminder of what's there the slightest error Captain Phillips too Captain Phillips I was gonna say yeah if you like cartoon shows that are pretty off the wall and fucking weird, Rick and Morty is a good one. And that's a different...

Got it! That's on one of our episodes. We were watching it. He's only watched one, Riles. You can't expect him to know that. Okay. Rick and Morty. Good deal.

You should definitely download those. Actually, for your schedule, you'll probably just finish watching it when they come out with the new season because they do like a year and a half breaks between seasons. So you've got two to catch up on. Rick and Morty is a really strong pick. I will warn you, it's less content than you think. You think you've got two seasons and you're like, yeah, you know,

and you binge watch it. And then you realize every episode is like 18 minutes long and it's a year and a half between shows. It's like when you've got a full bag of goldfish and you convince yourself for the first like hour like there's gonna be more in here next time there's gonna be more and then eventually before you know it you've squandered them eating them all too quickly and they're gone it's that that's perfect for rick and morty that's how that goes squandered your cheese squandered goldfish like you didn't chew it thoroughly enough

have you ever done that with Cheez-Its or chips or something like you have a big mouthful of them and you're really enjoying it and then you swallow it before it's like chewed enough and you're like well what am I doing now like I didn't even this is bad for me and I'm rushing it I do it with popcorn like I take big handfuls I enjoy the full kernels

and then in no time I'm left with like popcorn. Not dust, but crumbs. I'm eating crumbs of popcorn. I'm trying to convince myself that the half-popped kernels are also popcorn, but they're not. Oh, that end-of-the-bowl denial. Yes. Like, this is good, too.

This is a little side to tear it off. And they're so hard to eat, but you just do it anyway. I have never done that. I always chew my goldfish. Good. Riley inhales his food. That is hilarious. Well, you've got nothing but time.

What other snacks do you like? Ah, just list them. Yeah, just list them. How do you feel about onions? Oh, I've got a deliciously made bread roll, a thing of hummus. Riley's so weird. He loves sandwiches, right? Even when we're on passage, I'm like, what do you want for lunch?

What do you want for dinner? He's like, just make me a sandwich. I want a Vegemite sandwich, cheese, tomato, whatever. He loves sandwiches, but when we're on land, he'll go to the supermarket if he finds a really nice one. For example, like he said before, the French islands that have really nice ham and cheese and tomatoes. Whatever. But he won't actually put the sandwich together.

So he'll just... Because he can't even wait until he gets home. So he'll just get on the boat and he'll throw the bag outside. And he'll get the bread roll. He'll be dunking it in hummus. Put the slam of cheese on for a bite. And it's just weird. He does not have the time have the time isn't Vegemite just salt like a salt spread basically yeah salt yeah I believe it well it's made from um the byproducts of beer what's your theory on

why Vegemite hasn't caught on in the rest of the world? Why do you think that might be? It's an acquired taste. I don't think you could relate anything to Vegemite. Everyone's lagging on it. You think that given enough time, America will adopt

this yeast and salt. Have you ever seen that movie with Charlton Heston? Soylent Green or whatever? Vegemite, to me, reminds me of some sort of futuristic food product that's really made out of people and everybody's being fed it. Vegemite... Yeah, yeah. I've

seen Vegemite. I've tasted it. That's not good for you. No, it's... Is it good for you? Yeah, it is. Vitamin B will help you with hangovers It's great in the open ocean have a couple bottles of wine and a couple Spoonfuls of edger might yeah Nothing like a bottle not like a couple bottles of wine and a couple

Containers of vegemite to really put the works to that chemical toilet out there. You're going to be thankful you have a manual toilet after that. Groans quite easily. You're going to wish you had the bucket. Christ, thank God we have two heads. That was a great Aussie accent. Yeah, that was pretty good.

But I'm not usually down with him. You really know. I liked Steve Irwin growing up. He was my favorite. He's got to be like the most beloved Australian ever, right? Like, is there anyone bigger than Steve Irwin? I mean, there's Crocodile Dundee. What's his name?

I guess he was the precursor. But Steve Irwin really took that shit I mean there's um Crocodile Dundee whatever what's his name I guess he was the precursor but Steve Irwin really took that shit over Paul Hogan yeah you know he produced Crocodile Dundee one and like he got a lot of points on the back and it made him like uh many millions of dollars he never had to do anything ever again after that interesting thing about Kyle whenever he sees a hit movie he got he went bankrupt for not paying tax interesting thing about kyle whenever you mention a movie he's very like he'll tell you he'll tell you every time about the points on the back end like oh yeah bill murray got this many points on the back end this guy's got this many oh he got the pre gross money yeah yeah you know it's interesting yeah you can't get you like e but uh it you know profits

because they'll just assign all the expenses from other movies into that one you got to get the revenues cows on it yeah that's always interesting what are points on the back end what is that so there's a cut there's two ways an actor could choose to be paid if he's a real A-lister and he's really sought after. So American Sniper came out, what, last year? Won Best Picture, I think. Or at least it was nominated. I don't recall if it won or not.

But what's that guy's name that's in it? Chris Kyle. Well, that's the real guy. That's the guy it was based upon. That was the actual name. Oh, you're looking for the actor's name? But Bradley Cooper plays him. And rather than take a big payday up front, you know, say $10, $15 million, $25 million,

whatever his quote is, to play this character, he said, no, no, no, no. I want a percentage of the profits that this film makes because I believe in myself, and I think I'm going to do something really good here. And that this is going to... It's worth more to me to get paid that way. And if you're producing the film,

you'd probably say, well, yeah, alright, that sounds good. You're telling me I don't have to pay you? Alright, let's do this. Unless it's a hit. Unless it's a hit. And it was a big hit. I don't recall the exact numbers, but he got a percentage of the gross, and it made a couple hundred million dollars profit. So, I think he made 50 million

off that movie. Something like that. 25%. Oh, he didn't get 25%. That would have been... It was... My numbers are probably wrong. He got $50 million, but he certainly wasn't getting 25%. It must have

made more money. I don't know. I'll look it up right now and get the exact numbers. Sorry, Mike. Yeah, no, that's a lot of money. Yeah. At that point, it's like, hey, we'll give you $25 million now, or you can make $50 million if you do it this way. It's like, that's a lot of money. Yeah. If I had, like, at that point, it's like, hey, we'll give you $25 million now, or you can make $50 million if you do it this way. It's like, that's so much fucking money.

I don't care. Like, when you hit a critical mass of, like, $20 million, it's like, I'm going to be able to do everything I want. Yeah. If I were a billionaire, I'd ruin people's lives just out of boredom. I'd buy sports teams and just move them to weird islands where the fans hated it. You're just weird, boredom. I'd buy sports teams and just move them to weird islands where the fans hated it. You're just weird, eccentric things. To Albania.

To Albania, yeah. The Albania Yankees. Be great. So where are the worst locals of anywhere you've met? Like the worst, the most unpleasant people. Like even if the place they live is great. The people themselves, where to avoid i think i can't really align and why don't you take this no no i can't really name a place right now but what i'm about to say will probably help me lead

to my own answer um the places where people sort of disrespect you is where you don't know their language, you know. And sailing, you go from country to country, people speak different languages. You can't be expected to know every single language. So they just sort of look down on you for not being able to speak the language. We do a lot of charades. So I've found that those countries, which I can understand. That's understand every country and tell them a place that you Didn't like the paper

Say it if it's America. It wouldn't be though I loved Cape Verde. It's a bunch of islands off Africa. It's very Isolated very different from anything I've ever experienced before. It's a very new sort of culture. As a girl, I found it very uncomfortable walking around by myself. The men were very aggressive with how they approached you. I'd been followed around by men when Riley wasn't with me. I don't know if you've been to either Portugal or I think Argentina and Brazil do it as well.

They've got this thing where they hiss. And this is how, like, it's a cultural thing and that's cool, but it doesn't really, when they're doing it to foreigners, it's really. They hiss at you? Yeah. Yes. Yeah. It's very abrasive when you hear it. Like, it's really... They hiss at you? Yeah. Yes. Yeah, it's very abrasive when you hear it. And at first I was like, is this, you know...

What the fuck is happening here? And I realized it was coming from these men. So what does the hiss indicate? Like, I'm down if you are? Or like... Yeah. It's the equivalent of honking a horn or something in Western. That's what they do because they don't have cars.

Not very receptive girls to catcalling. What is that? Is it a bug? So, yeah, I found that very uncomfortable and it's a place, well, certain islands in Cape Verde I would not go back to. The ones that were more built up and it's sort of like, they're sort of confused. Like, there's the American influence. Like, they've got the music they've got the my question for you is why you're so kind about this you're like you know it's a very lovely place a little rapey a

little rapey but otherwise nice because i try and see it from their perspective you know like i'm i'm a white girl in their country they don't see tourists very often it's not a place that many people go to like Like there's, there's not regular flights going in and out. It's more of a local place. Let me stop you there. Do you think, if a green person showed up nearby me, I wouldn't be like,

you know, I don't see a lot of green people. I want some green pussy. Come on. Right? Right? Like I wouldn't just get rapey because like, you know,

there was somebody new to me. Come on, break off some of that green pussy. I wouldn't just get rapey because there was somebody new to me. Come on, break off some of that green pussy. I don't know. Because where they are in their culture, a girl would turn around and maybe hiss back. I'd like to think she'd growl. I'd like to think she'd take the dog roll and just cut that short no?

I hate this why are you giving them that benefit of the doubt fuck them they shouldn't be hissing at you because like you said if they came to your country if a beautiful woman from their country came and walked down an Australian beach there wouldn't be a bunch of Aussies hissing at them they wouldn't be over there slamming fosters and hissing at the brown chick

that wouldn't happen because there slamming Fosters and hissing at the brown chick. That wouldn't happen because you're decent people. Okay, but that might be to do with the level of education that they're lacking. It could be to do with a whole bunch of different reasons which, you know. Wow, still apologizing for the rapey

culture over there. Not the rapists yet. I'm not going to lie. No one raped anyone. I hate it. I'm not... You should hate it. That's a shitty thing to do to someone.

You can't travel into those countries and expect for things like that not to happen. If you're going to get upset every time it does, then you shouldn't travel. I went to Puerto Rico, and every step of the way, I felt like they were trying to rip me off.

Constantly. Just non-stop, like, rip me off. You know, they'd be like, all right, you know, there's four of you, and we normally charge two bucks a person, but we'll just, you know group pack at 10 and i'm like what the fuck like i can't do four times two like every step of the way they were just a lot of times it was math mistakes sometimes it was i don't know just yeah they do take advantage

of they just every step of the way and i still oh and then um so i went there for this i was a collegiate swimmer and we would walk to the pools and i swear if the girls weren't with all the guys they'd be in real danger like the guys were like hanging out of their cars and honking and slowing down at like when they shouldn't be you know you know and on the on the whole education thing my friend jeremy who can barely read and write would treat you like a complete gentleman if he met you for the first time. I guarantee it. There's no one I know who's less educated. You mean he wouldn't throw in even one rapist?

No hisses? No hisses? He would be a complete gentleman. It's definitely a cultural thing. Oh, I don't kiss at women I'm unfamiliar with. Sometimes there are cultures of assholes. And I mean, nobody has a problem

saying the French are assholes because they're white. Nobody has a problem saying the French Canadians are assholes because they're white. But every time some brown people maybe do something that we're not comfortable with, we're like, oh, there's poor, impoverished guys. Fuck. If only they had more, they's poor, impoverished guys. Fuck.

If only they had more, they would know not to do this to us. No more white guilt for me. I'm done with it. So you think if you gave them more money, they would just be Saudi Arabia? You know, la la la la la, attacking and using better weapons? You just took down an avenue I wasn't prepared

for. I'm going to stand on what I said and I'm going to let you go now. Nope. No walking down the... Little training camps. I stepped out as far to the ledge as I cared to go at this moment. No, I want to see this hill that you're both

dying on. Keep going. I just don't like that. I don't like apologizing for rude behavior of others. I don't like rude behavior. No, you're right. It's condescending, too, because then it's like, oh, no, he didn't know what he was doing. Like, he's, you know, we're people. Meanwhile, those guys are back there, like, see that man? I fucking hissed at her.

I gave her that. And they're like, yeah, man, you got her good. You guys have, I don't know, each good you guys have you guys have i don't know uh each of you if you have done this yourselves but you guys have been out of the country you've experienced different cultures and you know the difference between yours and another country these people have never left the island they've lived on their whole lives they don't know any different they barely have tvs you know they don't have a radio music that they listen to it's like from the so fresh cd of freaking 1990 i wasn't even born in 1990, you know? They don't have a radio. Their music that they listen to is like from the so fresh CD of

frickin' 1990. I wasn't even born in 1990, but you know, it's very old shit. They're just, they're so far behind and I just can't accept this. Rape was not okay in 1990 either. No, no. If they're jamming out to some 1890 and you think that's a bach, then I could

get on board, but no. Just because they're jamming to Vanilla Ice doesn't excuse their actions. No, but all they did was hiss, and we found it offensive, but they may or may not have considered it offensive when they were doing it. I'm sure that some of them did, and they may have taken it out of control. There's also alcohol abuse. There's a lot of different things going on. They're not...

There's a whole group of dudes called the groggers. There's this thing there called grog, and it's juice. It's alcohol, it's made of sugar cane, it's brutal. Honestly, I've been to a few places, and they're like, have the alcohol here, you'll have two shots, and you'll be passing out. You have two shots of this stuff, and you are spastic. We do not remember a thing. We were driving the tender home and going around in circles and we jumped on this other

french dude's boat and he was naked and then we jumped off this other place and there was anyway the alcohol there is is it's just for real. It's the good stuff For a special occasion Taylor I I know this is kind of out of place for them because they don't know who this guy is But I had this funny idea of you calling a poison control place as quibble cop and trying to explain that to them that you've been Drugged but every time they ask what drugs you took you're like no no I didn't take of you calling a poison control place as Quebble Cop and trying to explain to them that you'd been drugged. But every time they ask what drugs you took, you're like, no, no, no, I didn't take drugs. I don't have to do this.

I only have the drug that they gave me. Quebble Cop is one of our Danish friends, and I make fun of him sometimes because he takes drugs and then pretends that he didn't know the drugs were in whatever he was eating. What he'll do is like oh yeah i was at this party and i got drugged and we were like oh that's crazy man because he's in somewhere where weed is legal and we were like what happened like he just fed you something you didn't know and he's

like no they tell me that they are drugging the cookie and so i go over and i ate the cookie. And so I go over and I ate the cookie. It's like, you didn't get drugged at all. He just gave you a cookie full of drugs and said, here's a drugged cookie. No, that's not exactly. Yes, I eat the drugged cookie. The way the story actually goes is like someone gives him a cookie and for whatever reason,

he has a suspicion it's a pot cookie. And he's like, is this a pot cookie? And they're like, oh no, it's not. And he's like, ah, okay. And then he eats the whole cookie. It's one of this a pot cookie and they're like oh no it's not okay and then he eats the whole cookie those huge house parties you go to where there's just trays of normal baked goods laying around you know all those go to like no of course you're throwing a big rager and there's a tray of you know snickerdoodles on the counter something's up i liked that a lot i really like he's a guy i like him a lot. His accent makes everything funnier. You do it so well.

I love listening to you do his accent. I like listening to you do his accent better than having him on the show. I would prefer it if you just did the accent for like 20 minutes a show and then we don't even need Quibble Cop. So we never have to have him back as a guest. I'll just pretend to be him, you know, once every three months. I'd love that.

I like having him as a guest. I'd like you to do like a euro look when you're a couple cop though like really slicked back hair like shirt Yes, like like Mac something with the nipples showing I like that nips and hips baby. Yeah, very tight jeans I don't have any tattoos. I think that's European right I don't know When we were in Bon Airire, that was a Dutch island and we met this guy that recognized us and he was saying to us, you must have lots of fun

on the boat. You must really enjoy the boat. Yeah, they had like six extra vowels in the beginning. It's at three or four A's. I'd like to hear this, is it quibble cop mm-hmm yep really cool guy yep yes what do you do when you shave out there what kind of what's the kit like what's your what's your shaving kit like out there and on the oceans, I've just got Clippers.

I'm running a... Is this going to another ad? Of course it is! Whoa! Two steps ahead. Well, you're just way behind in the game if you're still using Clippers, my friend, because you guys have figured it out. I've discovered the key to

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got that razor stroking away around your genitals. You don't want a big creamy blur down there. That's nonsense. It's not your average shave cream. It's great stuff. It'll leave your skin feeling soft, smooth, and moisturized. And your blade will just glide gently across your skin. No cuts, no nicks, no ingrown hairs.

It's wonderful. If you want the most amazing shave possible, take it from me. Use a fresh Dollar Shave Club blade and Dr. Carver's shave butter. Two reasons to join dollarshaveclub.com today. So use that link down in the description, dollarshaveclub.com slash pka. What's the third reason to use the product? The third reason to use the product? One-wipe Charlies. Yeah, that's where I was headed with that.

I feel like they don't pimp the one-wipe Charlies. These things are a modern miracle, quite frankly. So catch them up to what one-wipe Charlie's are. It's another wonderful product offered by Dollar Shave Club. I don't know if they're good. Are they biodegradable? Can you be using those out in the ocean? Oh, everything's biodegradable if you give it enough time.

Well, it's that mother... You ain't seen it again. Throw it away. They say that they're flushable, so I guess. Yeah, are you going to collect your shit wipes in a little bag and then take them out later? You see? Just go. Flush.

What are you talking about? What are these things? It's a wet wipe. It's a wet wipe for your ass. It's kind of like a baby's diaper wipe, except that they're flushable. And so you can go actually sounds like we could use it oh they're very strong scented of mint and uh i don't know what the other scents are but they're nice they make you smell fresh down there there's never a worry of a

puncture through this it's incredibly high grade or i guess low grade kevlar but very low grade kevlar no in all seriousness it is strong and it's it's i've used several of these products it's the best one that there is it's flushable although probably not safe for a septic system if that's your situation it's ocean safe though it's ocean safe that's for damn sure and i'll say this i feel like so i'm i'm not experienced in sailing but i am experienced in camping. And this like baby wipe class of stuff is what every experienced camper brings. It doesn't have the same problems. Like you get so much as a heavy mist on a roll of toilet paper, and now you have like, I don't know, a brick of toilet paper or something that's not nearly as good.

Like it just melts. Yeah. It turns into garbage or something that's not nearly as good melt yeah yeah it turns into just falls garbage or something but a baby wipe if you think about how those things come in that's the ideal thing and it floats if you drop it in the water yeah so anyway yeah one way charlie's are outstanding the whole dollar shave club business thing that this is why they do a billion of sales every year they're they're on to something yeah dr uh Dr. Taylor, I was going to say before, mate, if your finger slips through, in Australia we call that, or you say, I've struck mud. You've struck mud.

I've struck mud. That's great. Do you yell that to your fellow bar patrons in the bathroom there? I've struck mud. I've struck mud again. Could have used a one-wipe Charlie. Some culture should call that a hole-in-one. It just seems like that would fit.

That's what we say when we're having anal sex and we get a poop dick. You've struck mud? Yeah, I've struck mud! Just yell it back to everybody. You have an Australian accent, right? Yeah, I yell it loud enough for everybody else at the Ryans to hear me.

Yeah, but that is a great product. I wish they would send more of those to us. More One Wipe Charlies. Yeah, I would like that a lot too. I like those. I really like the blades though. I genuinely only use those blades. I use the razor. That's what I've been using for

I guess over a year now. However long they've been our sponsor, those are the only razors I've used. I've had the same pack of theirs for so long because I just don't barely use them. I get so, so many. I don't shave my face, but I shave everywhere else, just like a turtle down there. I go through a lot of those blades. I do too, but I have an issue because I'm so hairy everywhere that it's just like a hairless island down there.

Yeah, I know. too but i have an issue because i'm so hairy everywhere that it's just like a hairless island yeah like a sick dog like just one spot shave like when you shave down there and a girl sees she thinks you had a surgery she doesn't think you're trimming up for it you gotta do it now have you ever considered doing like like i don't know how big the so so i don't have a lot of body body hair so it's not a big deal i got the thing on my chest and you know normal places and stuff but but you're a hairy guy would you prefer to be to have less body hair i'm sure when i'm like 52 and it's just like like losing a game of risk just encroaching everywhere i'm gonna be like all right i wish i wasn't sorry but for now i'm fine i still my facial hair still grows like up to here and i look like a fucking maniac if i don't take care of it and keep it down but i'm fine with it you

know really see you you've never considered doing anything about it. You're happy with it. You like it. I'm fine with it for now, but I can tell it's going to get out of control in like 20 years. So what do you think? Have you ever given any thought to either doing the, what do you call it when they get that thing? It pinches the hair. Like electrolysis or whatever.

There's electrolysis. There's the laser, which I believe is temporary or semi-temporary. And then there's, of course, waxing and shaving. I don't want to make a commitment like that. What if certain hair comes back into style, you know? Then suddenly it's like, oh, now look at this guy. Old, you know, Billy No Pubes. So you're thinking that maybe Mike mike myers has like a comeback

and austin powers four is all the rage and everybody wants that giant ticket of hair on their chest back of the neck right back of the neck will just be huge someday i'll be like oh imagine that guy's testosterone level the back of his neck is hairy as fuck and then back of my neck is out of control that's the impetus for every haircut i've ever gotten where i'm just like all right i'm just a circle of hair around that one it's like all right let's fucking get that are you sure that like there wasn't some sort of stephen king type curse put on you by a gypsy like thinner they were just like harry now it's goddamn sicilians in my family i like to think that it's just like i'm into a woman with a nice belly happy trail that there are women out there who are into really hairy guys.

Oh, yeah. Can I just say this? I feel like it's incredibly obvious. Obviously, Taylor's girlfriend is one of those ladies or she would not have been with him for so, so long. Exactly. Without him coming up with an alternative. He'd be talking about, yeah, I'm going through 30 of those blades a week. It's crazy. There have to be women like me who like a higher than average amount of body hair

on their partner and just say, yeah, that guy's got some tea. That guy, he's my teddy bear. He's my tiger, whatever he is. Maybe she's like a tiger? So maybe she just likes Taylor so much that anything that Taylor, whatever Taylor is, she likes that too. No, no. I think she had a tight pre-Taylor that he fit.

I like you and you're a hairy guy, so yeah. I feel like that's probably what's going on. I like that. I think as far as longevity, you've got a good – or no, it looks like Riley looks like he could have a pretty nice beard if he let it go for a while, but I like that look on you. That like, are you a full-time sailor or a pedophile? The whole world's open. You don't know if he has a yacht or a white van.

Yeah, yeah, does this guy have a really nice van or a really nice boat? You know, it's up in the air. It could be anything. I couldn't grow a beard like you, Tyler. That's pretty impressive, mate. Yeah. Yeah, mostly laziness. You know, I just don's pretty impressive, mate. Yeah. Yeah. Mostly laziness. You know, I just don't do anything and it comes in. Anyway.

So are you digging the mustache, Alana? Yeah. I like a guy who can rock their facial hair and, you know, is proud of it. I'm not talking about Riley in particular. Yes, I do like mustaches. I'm drawn to it. It's not something you Riley in particular. Yes, I do like mustaches. I'm drawn to it. It's not something you see every day. Not many people have mustaches.

So when you see one, you automatically are attracted to it. You're like, is it cool? Is it shit? Is it patchy? Are they rocking it? Are they proud of it? Are they curling it and trying to seem too cool? I don't know.

I find it's a very – it's a different thing about a dude, and I like to sort of suss out what's going on. I'm like, are you really cool, or are you just... There's maybe like 3% of men out there who can pull off a mustache and not look awful, and you are in that 3%. Like, it doesn't look forced or... Congratulations, Riley. Not awful.

Yeah. I'd say it's ordering on decent. Who's got the best Hollywood mustache? Is it Kurt Russell? No. Tom Selleck. Tom Selleck. I disagree.

I disagree. Tom Selleck's got a great one. Kurt Russell in this last movie? I mean, that thing comes all the way up here. Remember when he jerks it and does that little thing he does? I think Kurt Russell's got the stash man compare pics we're in we're in panama at the moment so that we've got a lot of uh mexican influence here so there's quite a few very serious mustaches getting around so there's probably like it would be upwards of 20 of people that can rock a serious moustache here for sure.

Oh, that's a much higher percentage than in countries with white people. Yeah. It's really noticeable. It's really funny, like in Colombia and Panama, we're walking in town and there's a lot of moustache competition, which Riley hasn't had, and I've been enjoying watching the little stare-offs and there's a lot of massage competition, which Riley hasn't had. I've been enjoying watching the little stare-offs and it's good fun. I like to think that Riley

is constantly... I like to think that he's constantly on edge, like arm around you a little more possessive than normal because there's serious mustache competition in the area. That's ridiculous, Woody. I bet he could compete in those contests.

He wouldn't win because of racism, but he could compete. There'd be all these Panamanians there feeling sorry for me like, oh, poor white guy, making excuses for me, like, oh, poor white guy, you know, making excuses for me. Yeah. Did we watch the meditation video on Painkiller nearly that I found that I

got so into? I don't believe we. No? I think we discussed it. Kyle, do you recall? I don't recall anything about that. It comes to mind because I think think you mentioned elena is good for a downward dog now and then um pause at zero when you're ready to play yeah i like this one it's two

and a half minutes long i think you guys will like it is it the hold on hang on is it that it is It is. That's the one. Tell me when you're at zero. I'm at zero. Yep, I'm at zero. All right. Three, two, one, play. Sit or lie comfortably, quietly. Allow yourself to be here fully in this moment. With your eyes closed, begin to connect with your inner world of feeling. Gradually, let the horseshit of the external world fade from your awareness.

If you find your mind wandering to other thoughts, don't let it concern you. Just acknowledge that all that shit is fucking bullshit. You're here now, in this place, with your inner stillness. Those bitches can't get under your skin. They can't even. Take in a deep breath. Now breathe out. Just feel the fucking nonsense float away. Take full, deep breaths. Breathe in strength. Breathe out bullshit. Allow your breathing to discover its own natural unhurried pace if your thoughts drift to the three ring show of your life this is a test to see like how long

we're gonna watch this for maybe you don't like it it's only two and a half minutes long i feel like if i were to get into meditation, this would be where I start. Well, it's felt like an eternity. Okay, all right. I'll stop. Suck a dick, all of you. I don't know. Maybe I'll try meditating. Just like you said, I did do a tiny bit of research, and it is apparently supposed to be helpful for stress levels and whatnot. But like, what if, what if you meditate wrong and you just add more stress or something? We had an advertiser last week, right? Is that where I got the, I got a kick for it. Yeah. Yeah. So does anyone remember the name of that company? Edspace. Outstanding. Yeah. Yeah.

And somehow I saw their little like getting started and meditating thing and thought, you know, maybe that'd be good. Headspace. That's such a pot smoker name for a company. It is. I don't think that's where they were going with it. My fucking Headspace, man. You don't get me, you know. This isn't a phase, you know.

I don't think that's where they were headed with it i think they're just you know like inside your own mind not in the world a little space all right fuck you all you would love that yeah you probably that would probably work really well meditating out on the open ocean where it's super quiet. It's good and you're hearing your own voice all day so you sort of get sick of yourself a little bit. I use my thoughts to sort of entertain myself sometimes. I'm like, oh my god, I'm sick of hearing myself. So meditation is a good way to just relax and think about nothing.

So now, and that little water scene that you showed us then, we see a fair bit of that. What do you think? Okay. Circling back to Bite Me. Quick stop at Fuck You and onto the next one. Do you have any more of those stories where there's lots of named characters

and we try to figure out who's the worst? No. Because I loved that. All right. All right. Kyle, please. Next topic. All right.

So my dad has really moved along with his... Oh. Your camera just died for me. Did that really just happen right then? It did. That wasn't me. That was just random. The light went out too.

The light went out too. The light went out? Like on the... Oh, on the camera. Can you press the camera button and bring it back? I'm going to jiggle. Hang on. I'm on this. I'm going to jiggle. And here we are without video. It's like some sort of Spaniard

on a jig on the wire. It's Shakespeare with an assault rifle. Who's that dude? Shakespeare with an assault rifle. Yeah. Is is that? It's Shakespeare with an assault rifle. Who's that dude? Shakespeare with an assault rifle. Yeah. Is it really? Uh-huh. He's had a whole series of interesting avatars.

At one point, for a while, your avatar was just a picture of Hitler, wasn't it? Yes. People didn't like that. A bunch of fucking still joys. I mean, Jesus, you know, it's the 40s. You know, everybody was masquering millions of people. Get on board with it. It's funny.

I was going to talk about my dad's really hustled along with his anti-mom shelter, whatever, for you two over there. My dad really doesn't get along well with my mom. But they're married. They're very much married. And they've been married for, I don't know, 30, 32 years. 32 years, yeah. And about 30 years too long. And so what my dad has done is he's basically, it started out,

he was kind of going to build this little hangout shelter over at his farm. They were already kind of hanging out at his shop where they repair cars and just kind of hang out and shoot the shit. And he was like, I need something more so I can really escape from my wife. So it started as kind of a man cave, a little place where there'd be a TV and a couple of couches. And now it's become like a small house that he's built. Do you have the picture there, Woody?

I do. I was going to ask if I could share them. Yes. Yes. All right. Let me see. I will do my best. Yeah, this is like... I have two cameras. So this is for the audience, and then this is for you guys. That's the interior. I don't know.

They got the interior walls up. The studs are all up. The exterior walls. He's building a second home because of how much the very thought of his wife disturbs him. Yeah. Just having to be close to her at any moment. Is she stoked? Is she stoked about this?

Like she likes her own personal space too or she's just dev-owned? He didn't mention it. He didn't tell her. He didn't ask for permission in this deal. He's building a parachute to escape. He's not going to mention to the enemy that that's going on. You know what I'd like to watch is a video

series of your mom and dad trying to make it work on a boat all around the world what's that movie where um deniro is like trying to kill that couple on the boat fear there you go that's what that that's what you call it hate fear to the reckoning but it's just my dad strangling my mom for 30 seconds and then on and then it just goes to black. I thought Cape Fear was all right, and then I saw it again. And right at the end, De Niro is, like, drowning, going, have you seen that? He's, like, drowning, like, mindless gibberish as he's, like,

it really ruins the whole movie. Watch it again. De Niro is so big and bulky in that bigger than like like in taxi driver he's just ripped he's just like i don't know i'm gonna say 160 170 pounds of just like a bruce lee almost physique although bruce lee's kind of ridiculous on the other end of the spectrum but just ripped and thin but in cape fear he was a bulky guy that was scary and intimidating. And it seemed like, wow, it doesn't really matter. If he gets me in a tight space, he's just going to fuck me up. This is a scary guy.

I like that. I like when actors do that. Tattoos are scary. He gets attacked with chains and some lead pipes at one point and beats four armed men. Yeah, I forgot about that. He ties himself to an exhaust pipe with his belt and drags himself behind a car for kilometers

yeah it's been a long time since I've seen that I remember the Simpsons did a parody of it I like that a lot too didn't he kill a dog with a piano wire he did kill the dog I don't remember how there was a piano wire involved somewhere that's how

they executed the conspirators who tried to blow up Hitler they hung them with a piano wire involved somewhere. I forget. That's how they executed the conspirators who tried to blow up Hitler. They hung them with a piano wire. Would that even work? It seems like once you drop someone with something that thin, it would just, like, lop their head off, you know? It was a bass chord. I think...

It just cuts. It just cuts. I think that's the whole point pretty awful way to go I guess that would be but you know at the same time it was a Nazi so I don't feel that I'm not that broke but they were the Nazis who were like he's gone too far we gotta stop this shit it seems like they were the only

ones who were like what the fuck have we done oh that was um they made a movie about that with tom cruise playing one of the playing the guy who tries to kill him it's the one where he's got the eye patch well you know what kyle maybe in their culture they weren't taught that they shouldn't exterminate people by the hundreds of thousands if not it's an educational issue yeah it's an issue of education point they should have you know, anti-genocidal workbooks in their primaries. How many Jews do we

kill? Oh, trick question. Done. A lot of you slipped up. Almost an entire generation. Yeah. I understand. Mistakes were made. I wanted to ask this because

I think everybody knows that Australia started out as sort of a prison colony. How is that taught and represented and looked back upon in the Australian educational system? Oh, it's just...

We're taught it. Culturally, it's just a bit of a joke like if we're there we tell the english to fuck off like is that how you spin it essentially yeah well there's a lot about um the discovery of australia and then i suppose the treatment of the indigenous population. Which is brutal. And, you know, the early settlers and how difficult they did it. Probably very similar to the discovery of America. I feel like it's different and this is why. Whenever I hear about Australia's treatment of the indigenous population,

it's like, oh, it's brutal. We made a huge mistake, etc. Whenever I and people i know think of our treatment about american indians it's more like yeah we fucked them up they weren't nearly as good at fighting as we were and that's why they lost and that's what happens if you probably never played civilization but if you get that far behind on the tech tree then you're gonna lose you know we had guns and they had bows your fields we're gonna fucking get your workers and bend them over it's gonna be exactly we're gonna take your people make them work for this is what happens if one civilization falls too

far behind the other one expect the domination victory i like that yeah you can expect it doesn't necessarily make it great. I'm very proud of it. You know what the funny thing about the Australians and their treatment? What happens when the aliens come? Then we're fucked. Because they deserve it. Same rules apply, to be honest with you.

No. We'll allow Jeff Goldblum and Will Smith, Windows 95, and it's game fucking over. Haven't you seen Independence Day? Exactly. Thank goodness the transfer protocols were compatible between our computers. Remarkable.

The odds of that, the odds of that. I don't know the tech. I'm just thankful that our operating system supported our executables because I didn't see that coming. As a guy with like 20 years in IT, I had no idea that the shit I was writing was that cross-platform. But sure enough, it runs on alien spaceships.

I just imagine that massive room of NASA guys just like, Please! Please let them be on Windows 95 too! And when it starts sending, you know, they're just like... They should have went crazy at that moment. They fucking were! You know they're just like they should have went crazy at that moment If they turn on the alien computer, and then the home screen is just those rolling green hills Yeah, I'm screens IT at the time. Everybody came back talking about the incompatibilities

of the transfer protocol. They're like, there's no way that they're compatible at layers two and three of the OSI model. Can't be. In that gigantic alien spaceship, there's no way that they would have had that computer program. Exactly. I've got a couple things here i i was i'm i i'm i'm mildly aware of how horrible

you people were to to your aborigines um but but i have a couple of facts here that i just wanted to make sure that i wasn't talking out of my ass so apparently it was legal to hunt the uh the son i guess the the bushmanmen in South Africa until 1937. Oh, that's South Africa. The same group of people, though, really. Hang on, let me get down here. Aborigines were... This is what I wanted to get to.

Aboriginals were not considered citizens of Australia until 1967, and some were regulated under the Flora and Fauna Law. 1967? Yeah, in 67 there were 12 teams in the nhl in 67 and they weren't even people yet we were heading for the moon meanwhile like they were still under the same law as cattle and roses is that one of those laws where it's like you can read a law where it's like oh do you know that technically in connecticut you can't walk backwards and eat ice cream on a tuesday and it's like oh my god when did that happen like no i'm not sure that they weren't

actually treating the aboriginals or aborigines there at like like animals and yes did you mow them in 1967 they got their mowing done early. How big is the population over there? Because I know almost nothing about that whole Aborigine issue. I don't think that the population of Aboriginals, I don't know what it is percentage-wise, but it's not very big. I know they're very troubled and they've got a lot of issues. I know they're very troubled and they've got a lot of issues.

It wouldn't surprise me if we were treating them just about that bad in, what was it, 87? 67. Oh, 67. Yeah, yeah. No, definitely. He's like in 87. We were cracking them in the head with bats.

We'd run them down on the road. They were considered roadkill. They just lumped them into the back of a truck. Yeah, I feel like you guys have... No, I was getting... The women's vote in Australia was very late as well. And we were massively behind at times. But yeah, we're pushing it forwards now a bit, I suppose. The thing is, I'm getting this vibe of regret.

The whole thing stinks. I'm getting this vibe of regret and sadness and a little shame like you're bad oppressors when you should really be thinking of yourself as fucking winners. Right? When it comes to Aborigines, you're undefeated. Congratulations. Yeah, but it could just be a quick win. You don't think it's over?

That's wrong you see the sadness and the shame over there it's not it's so if you've got a gun and you come in and shoot an unarmed person that's fucking and then take their house you've conquered their home

it's yours now so many computer games boys and then take their house. You've conquered their home. It's yours now. So many computer games, boys. It's not. He's just trying to push you to the limit. Have you ever seen Quigley Down Under? Quigley Down Under? Quigley Down Under. Yeah, I remember.

Woody, we watched the movie. You, myself, we watched Quigley Down Under. That's when they're herding the Aborigines to the cliff and running them off the cliff and uh they're like earnest goes to the zoo yeah oh that's a good one too that's a good one yeah i like earnest scared stupid better where he gets all the milk grenades and takes out all those trolls that's a good movie i don't like any of the earnest movies yeah i'm sure that's a big fan of the earnest movies me i honestly i love them uh oh you said riley i love them as a kid

but then you know you turn 14 and you're like this is this pretty lame you know how old are you riley i'm 32 31 i'm 31 31 that's great i love that she's like no not yet I'll let you know when she keeps up with that my birthday's tomorrow I lost the evening yeah not what hey yours mm-hmm it's people watch this it'll be yesterday but for us it's tomorrow oh very nice yeah well happy birthday well thank you it's your birthday in 44 minutes

that's great how old will you be Woody? 43 I'm currently 42 for a few more minutes I think Woody's a good looking 43 year old I think you've held up very nicely you picked a good

you know I think that if someone described your life to me, I'd be like, ah, those years as a lifeguard might have been hard on his skin. That might be a problem with aging. But you've got very nice skin, too. You're holding up very nicely. When I smile, I get the crow's feet.

Everybody gets that. I'm 30. Not to mention all the wrestling that he's done. With STDs and stuff. But, you know, that's... It's done. Wait, CDs and stuff. But, you know, that's not in a settlement. It's exhausting. But, yeah, you know, you're looking good.

Nice trajectory of your own is what I'm getting at. I feel like at 50 you're going to be like a silver fox looking guy. It's going to be all good. Well, that would be fine with me. Yeah, I guess I was working on my stable again recently, thinking to myself, like, if I could still do this you know climb around in rafters and drag things into my 50s I'd be alright

be better than many yeah well you're taking the Clooney route it seems and not the Buscemi route you're just weirder looking just like what's happening you know how many teeth does that guy have in his mouth?

All of them. I can't peg it. It seems like way too many or not nearly enough. It's just a very interesting layering. Steve Buscemi. You must know who Steve Buscemi is. Are you tapping into her for help?

No, I know who Steve Buscemi is. I didn't think Elena would, and she doesn't. you don't know who's what movies what movies is he easy the part of it's the reservoir dogs my favorite fargo at if it's anything similar to the Lord of the Rings I know you'll find he has a very recognizable face classic yeah if you click on that link, you'll be like, oh, I know that guy. Yeah, we got it here. Well, maybe some of you out there who'd like to also stand out in a crowd. Oh, my gosh.

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He could be out of touch in the same way that he can't follow sports. If he had a fashion stylist who said, this is what you need, this is proper pilot regalia, then he'd be all set. Regalia? There seems to be a loophole for a competitor of that company where you could just order stuff back and forth until they just went completely bankrupt.

It's where it wants. Oh, yeah. Just don't buy anything. I have those trunks full of clothes going back and forth to my house. I keep a $10 pair of socks every week, but I'm wearing thousands of dollars of it. This is the worst advertisement we've ever

done. Don't do that, people. Why not? That's how it's set up. Go to trunkclub.com slash pka and make it happen. Have the other two of you actually used it? I used it as soon as I was contacted by him. I've got a pair of jeans that look excellent. Very nice jeans that I kept from them. I was wearing them at the mall the other day at, what is it, Auntie Anne's getting a pretzel.

And the woman there even told me, I'm sorry, sir, we're closed. I can't serve you. That is high praise. But I felt great. Walked out confident with a swagger. You know? Oh, wow. Well, then I'll have to contact my stylist. I want that kind of service. Yeah, yeah.

I think we've got, what, like $150 worth of credit with them in that what they gave us? Yeah. Some of those clothes are pretty pricey. Shotgun. Raleigh doesn't really, yeah. i think i would want to just you got 150 dollars worth of credit send it over to the galapagos we'll pick up some you need an address to do this service they don't just airdrop it in the middle of the caribbean just give them yacht in transit yeah has that been an issue like not having an address like like oh no like how do you pay taxes or open a bank account or

and you gotta pay tax on a you know something that might cost 50 they just sting you tax it's like you gotta pay almost more yeah so so instead of going, if you're organized apparently and you get stuff sent to where you're going to be in advance and you pay less for it for doing the research and organizing it online, you'll get the product where you intend to be in the future, or that would be where you are now I suppose, and then you get it and you've got to pay massive amounts of tax in whatever country you are, in particular Turkey. They sting you so you might as well have just bought it down the road. It would be cheaper to just buy it down the road and not have done the right thing in

the first place. So no more mail for us. We've had it. Nah, it's virtually impossible to organize to receive something so for example when my dad's coming over to galapagos i've got him bringing a whole bunch of stuff maybe some razors what were those razors you dollar shave club yeah dollar shave club dollar shave club razors maybe some of these shirts that you're talking about. Maybe one of the movement watches. One of the movement watches, some Vegemite, all the important stuff.

What do your parents think about you sailing around the world? Are they all in, think it's great for you? Or are some of them like, so when are you going to settle down? Have some kids. Don't live in a boat. Who are you talking to? Let's go you first, Riley. What do your parents think of that? Both were, dad was very concerned initially

because I had no idea what I was doing. And mum's more of a sort of a free spirit. She was like, yeah, that's cool, but stressed out like mums are. And then they've both been on board and they're super cool with it now. Alayna's mum. I'm the last like child, I'm mum's baby and I have two older brothers and they've been moved out and doing their own thing for ages so mum's always been used to me travelling

but I'd always come home and so when I I first met Riley, I didn't tell mum about, you know, the fact that I'll probably try and sail around the world with him. And, oh, by the way, he doesn't know how to sail. See you, mum. Like, I didn't tell her about that until I saw her in person. So when I did. You surprised her in Brisbane. I did, yeah.

When Riley had one more shift of work, like, after we met, I had to go home and sell my van and, like, everything I owned because, believe it or not, Woody, I got rid of some of my stuff. What I have in the boat now is like a frigging quarter of what I used to own. So I went back to Oz and I sold most of my stuff and surprised mum and told her. She just couldn't believe it.

She's always really supported me on everything I've ever done. She's never tried to stop me. But she's just – you know, I think she watches too much of the news and she's like, Elena, you went here. What about this and that? And did you hear about this new disease? Blah, blah, blah.

It's like she thinks, you know, there's sharks in the ocean, Elena. I'm like, Mom, I know. I've been swimming, you know, I've seen them before. Sharks and pirates and stuff like that. She just worries. But she's very supportive and she's so proud. And now we have her like doing little jobs for us and it's great. It's a good little thing.

Yeah, she's on our Facebook, like looking at messages and replying to ones that she can. If my daughter hopped on a sailboat with a guy who didn't know how to sail with intentions to go around the world without telling me... Would you be irritable there

would be a reckoning there would be no no you're kind of powerless at this point i mean elaine is not a kid and and my daughter is but uh yeah that wouldn't be good behavior yeah how old how old would your uh daughter have to be before you would say okay you know it's you it's your own life well before you really really tried to stop it um well it really depends on the daughter right uh if if she comes off as mature and in college is not in her future then that number is probably 18. You know, like, all right, you want to be a grown-up? Then knock yourself out.

The path that she's on now, I think that number is 22. That's more reasonable. I thought you were going to say, like, 30 or something, like as a joke. Yeah, no, she looks like she's college-bound. She's National Honor Society, and her grades are good, say like 30 or something like as a joke but yeah no she looks like she's college bound she's national honor society and um her grades are good and she intends to go to school and um a master debater she's she has a um it's actually for speech but she does what they call speech and debate and she's very good at speech and she has a closet full of trophies for all the competitions that she wins.

That's right. Good on her. That's very impressive. Yeah, she's a good kid. Much better than I was. Much, much better than I was. That was awful. So do you guys have a website? Yeah, yeah.

We've got a post blog, a bit of a little map of where we've got uh just a place where he posts blogs a bit of a little macro vein i've read your book but it does a job they have a downloadable really the pdf yeah you guys wrote it together you riley wrote the um sort of the mechanical side of it and maybe some sailing advice and uh and she wrote the like cooking and you know the benefits of hanging your food and stuff like that i read it a lot and life on life on board did you really read that mate that's really cool that yeah awesome thanks yeah i'm no pretender here baby i followed your stuff are are you publishing? No shit. No, no.

That's for free on the website. It was sort of, so when I first went sailing, I literally knew not a thing. So it was just after two years or a year and a half or whatever it was, it was all the little bits of information that I found most important if you were going to buy a boat. Yeah. So you can get a download, you can download it for free or get a little physical book that we've got printed out in New York.

I told you how they kind of split their roles on the, on the yacht, like on what you'd think are like stereotypical gender roles. Like he does kind of a lot of the sailing and stuff. And she does like a lot of the managing the living side of it. Well, they also split their book that way. If I remember it right it right i mean i just read it the one time and yeah no you're spot on yeah yeah and um and you know she sort of gives the like hey like it just helps

people avoid or i guess zip right through the learning curve that they did at first so were you a good cook when you started the journey or did you learn how to cook all that stuff while you were on the open sea? I have never had to cook, because I've mostly traveled solo. I've never had to cook for anyone but myself. When I was on board, there's the pressure of having to cook for a new partner, and on top of that, you've got to cook when you're heeled over like this, and there's fricking lettuces and tomatoes flying everywhere. There was a lot of pressure to learn really quickly, so I learned the basics and I learned a lot of stuff along the way. I have the tendency

to repeat meals. If Riley really likes something, he'd be like, oh, Luna, this is so good. Three, four nights in a row, it'll appear again. I'm like, whoa, that was delicious. Oh, you're spoiling me. So, yeah, that's what I do. I repeat. I do that with everything. Well, I guess you can't even really choose what you're cooking every night, right? Well, like, if you catch one of those grouper, how many nights is that of food?

Like, if you get one of those, is it like, all right, I guess we're having this for the next six nights. That's how big. One, maybe two. Two if we're like, that's a big fish if you, yeah. If you shot a grouper that can feed you for two nights, that's a very big fish. Yeah, they're usually big enough. Oh, I expected a higher number.

Woody, there's a, I would say. Charlie eats a lot. That is why. say yeah i do eat a bit i would say arguably our best in you know in probably two years our best little bit of footage was elena trying to cook a sandwich make a sandwich on board and there's like lettuce goes everywhere and it's really funny because it's completely accidental coincidental at the end the boat is sort of rocking like this and the food's just gone everywhere and then elena is just like going like oh you know what can i do here and then i wanted to come to you the cupboard the cupboard behind her like opens up and all the stuff just spills out of it onto the floor, like right next to it. It's a, it,

you know, it's our bit of footage, but I really think that it's quite funny. You should, if you can. She seems to think it's really funny. Is there, I,

I, I'm a little afraid it's another YouTuber I watch, but did, did she at one point ask if she could hook the mahi-mahi as you're pulling it on and you bring it onto the boat and then it flips out the back and yeah she lost the first fish

of the Atlantic trip many people would argue that it was also your fault how so it's the I'm happy because she was like let me do it right and then they get the boat on the i'm sorry they get the fish on the yacht and it's flipping around and it manages to flip and jump back in the water and the beauty of it is the uncensored look that riley gives her of like he couldn't have sunk lower he was at full unhappiness at that

moment and and it came through he was devastated that's better he said furious I don't know I I thought who's filming jack is like oh like this has gone too far and he's like he turns the camera and he's like i better turn this off like and turns the camera i laugh when i shouldn't laugh it's i think the laughing made you made you more annoyed annoyed if i was you know genuinely devastated i think i had been talking about catching this fish for 12 months okay so is that one of those nights where you had to spend pretty far apart one of you three feet underneath the other separated by that thin floor he did it though he didn't immediately get over it, right? Because you mentioned it later in the video that he was still stuck on it.

He rode it on the whiteboard. Nah, we were cool. Yeah, I dissed her on the whiteboard. I vented on the whiteboard. It's a beautiful invention of ours. If we hadn't have caught another Mahi Mahi, I would have got more. But we caught a lot. We got one lot the next day or something. That's risky business, getting passive-aggressive on a whiteboard in the middle of the ocean.

Yeah. That can go a lot of wrong ways. The other movie on that, have you seen Dead Calm? Is that with Nicole Kidman? Nicole Kidman, yeah. I've seen it. That's pretty crazy. That's scary, that one.

It is. That yacht is amazing. Yeah, it's got Billy Zane in it, which is, that's hilarious. It is scary. Billy Zane. It was also in Titanic, another movie that you shouldn't watch if you're going on a long boat ride. Yeah, what's the movie that you shouldn't watch if you're going on a long boat ride. Yeah, what's the movie that's scariest

for what you do? Probably not Jaws that seems too stereotypical. Like, what makes you like, ugh, I shouldn't be doing this? More the books, really. Like, you hear about not so much movies to me. I'm very skeptical of what I watch.

I'm always looking at how they make it, like what stunts were. Elena's dissecting movies and trying to make them herself. So it's a lot. So I can't watch a movie and relax and really enjoy it. So I don't watch a lot of movies. I read. So that's what scares me when you hear true stories about bad weather.

One that springs to mind would be Captain Phillips, but I just came away from that just thinking that is just america having a big wank about how big their navy is i just thought that was the biggest load of shit i don't know captain phillips but i'm sure our navy is every bit of what it said it was tell them who were the what the what the two biggest air forces in the world are, Woody. The United States Air Force and the United States Navy. Goddamn right. We won twice? Or did we win so hard that we lost, too?

No, we have the top two biggest air forces in the world. The Air Force has one of them, and the Navy has the other. No other country has the Air Force, or the Navy alone has. We had some bloke come on our boat. He was from Texas. Yeah. And he said something like, you guys, he's like, he was really cool for ages, and then he started talking about guns, and we were like, oh, my God.

You were good. And then he said something like, oh, we've got the Texas, or what's the state? Anyway, it's got like the seventh largest standing army in the world. And then I was like, oh, that's pretty impressive.

That's actually... That sounds like something a Texan would say. Just vague allusions to something. It's probably about some militia groups or something. There's no no telling Texas is almost another country in the same way that California is another country well it's huge

that's what he said for all the goofing I do about the pride in our army and such I do wish we spent less on it like my actual political position is do we have to outspend the next nine countries combined like my thing has always been that like are we prep like i remember when that carly carly fiorina was uh first burst

on the scene one of her she seemed to have a lot of information in her head and one of them was a plan for our military and how to expand it she's like we need 35 more battleships and 18 more cruisers. And we need 250 more attack jets. And we need a thousand missiles. And we need bigger bombs. Bigger, scarier bombs. I'm just like, what are you prepping for? Because it feels like this speech needs to be at the beginning of Independence Day 2. Like, are you prepping for a war against literally aliens?

Because if that's the truth, you need to let us know about the fucking aliens. I'll get right on board if you tell me they're coming. But, I mean, Iraq or Afghanistan, who are we really needing this massive, scary army for and military for? Maybe we just need less war, right? Instead of exercising. I feel like, I swear some of our wars

are just to stay in practice. It's a horrible reason to kill 100,000 people. Yeah, they're like pre-season wars where we're just getting ready for the next big one. Got a big proxy war going on right now right in the middle of Syria. That thing's interesting. Lots of good YouTube videos coming from that.

Lots of good YouTube videos. Lots of good live leak videos. Yeah. Live leak is really the... WorldStarHipHop, though. Not much there for me. No, no. Not a lot of black people clowning around and having a good time over in Syria. WorldStar!

WorldStarHipHop! That goat explodes or something. Like, what's it going to be? Do you... I mean, I'm sure that you guys know what world star hip-hop and live leak and all those web i don't know anything about like what you do know and don't know because ever since you said that you haven't watched game of thrones live leak is like an uncensored youtube and a lot of the people in a live league video die

not all of them so you don't know. You watch it and you're like, okay, hey, check out this BMX guy jumping off a cliff. It could be awesome, could be deadly. You don't know because it's LiveLeak. Yeah, it's a real challenge watching LiveLeak videos because if you see like Uber skateboard fail on YouTube and you click it, you'll be like,

oh, that guy done goofed. Like, he may have even sprained his ankle. Who knows? But then you watch that same video on LiveLeak, and the guy, like, falls down on the ground. It's like, oh, well, that wasn't too bad. And then a semi comes in and crushes his lower body, and he's just, like, no legs.

And it's like, all right, well, that got real really quick. That's what LiveLeak is. It's upsetting. Is that legal? Like, could it's upsetting is that is that legal like could i potentially look on that tonight after oh you're about to oh we're not gonna wait for that i'm finding us a good video to watch are you real is it gonna be a middle east like war video i'm gonna find something if i watched a guy get shot by his... So I have seen a lot on the internet. I spend way too much time on the internet

and I've seen it all. And something about this one video of a guy getting sniped, he got shot in the head. And in the movies when they die, there's like a skill to acting out of death, right? How quick you are, how painful it is, whatever, last words, et cetera.

This guy just transferred from living to dead while still standing and collapsed like a in a pile on the spot and it like even now i'm like oh my god i'm emotionally poor for having seen this so uh kyle find a video yet do you ever watch videos like that and then after the guy gets his brain blown out you're like yeah that wasn't even a good one and then yes lots of times yeah yeah sure but some of them you watch and i don't know i can't predict which ones are going to hit home but that one did it was just it's the way that he he was dead before he hit the ground right it's a cliche, almost, dead before he hit the ground. But when you see it, and it just transfers from living to dead, it's awful. No luck, Kyle. I haven't watched that many violent things in my life at all, even in scary movies.

We can help you. I'm one of those girls that cuts your eyes. I don't like that. But in high school, when most of the students were meant to be doing work, the boys were always on the internet, on this certain website. I don't remember the name of it, but it showed all these brutal videos. And they were like, Elena, look. And it was like dudes hopping on trains,

and one accidentally grabbed hold of the electrical line and just burnt there and dropped dead. And that has just burnt in my mind. So I'm probably not going to watch this video. But I know what kind of fun it is. I know that one. It just freaks me out. See, what you do is when you start, But I know what kind of... I know that one. Rookie.

See, what you do is when you start... If you get feelings from a video like that, you just watch enough of those videos that it just doesn't even affect you anymore. Where it's just like, oh, well, that's just another guy burning alive. Or, oh, shot in the head again. Oh, brain matter on the wall. That's a pretty liberal definition of brain matter,

Mr. I-titled-this-video-ass. Yet another infrared Apache killing a field full of people you know it so that's for some reason my videos won't play but that's one of like lots of a patchy kills from the air lots of lots of people getting killed by America I'm looking for would you like to see one

for like a guy's head explodes? You know, I'm... It says here that it might contain content that is not suitable for all ages. What button do I click? Continue. The red X at the top corner of the screen. Okay, I've hit continue.

Yeah, go ahead and play. I didn't sync up this time. I'm already 20 seconds in, but you'll see. This is Apache footage. Like this stuff, I'm... Oh, I see. It's a top 10 list. This list sucks. Wait, what does this involve?

Top 10 infrared kills. It's kind of like a video game, really. It's not really that gory. That's how we do it. Go to two minutes and 50 seconds. Two 50. Yes. Titled up close and personal.

I just got to it. I'm there now. Am I pressing play? Yeah. Look at these guys think they're being so sneaky What are they doing? I don't know, I like to think it's an illegal game of dice Yeah, they take loitering very seriously

What minute are you at, Taylor? It was at 2.51 Oh wow Oh yeah, shit. Do you think they're okay? No way. No, I don't think they made it. No. No.

Welcome to LiveLeak. That's a very powerful machine gun they're using there. 8,000 watched it on this website. Probably millions. I don't know, I just find this so random. In someone's free time, I don't know, what kind of boredom, how bored do you have to be to watch these kind of movies?

I already sat through. What makes you want to watch this? Let's say it's a Wednesday night, right? I'm barely entering boredom. It's time to watch people explode. These are great. Do you watch it by yourself, or is it more of a social thing? You're like, oh, that's funny.

You know, it's strange on the wall. When does it stop being like, oh, and it becomes a bit voyeuristic? I draw the shades. I draw the shades. I turn all the lights down. Sometimes I like to get a blanket like over my head so it feels like I'm there, right? Remove your pants. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Get the yolk in my hand. My pants are already off, of course. And, you know, obviously I'm going to be touching myself the whole way through. That's any given Wednesday night. If you don't have much going on. I like to play ambient war music on my surround sound while I watch it so I can pretend I'm there.

I've downloaded the soundtrack to The Fall, that movie about Hitler, and I just play that on repeat. I have like 80,000 plays on my iTunes. I borrowed Wings of Redemption's brother's military uniform. I I just play that on repeat I borrowed Wings of Redemption's brother's military uniform I like to put that on except for the pants of course

and I like to wear it while I watch the videos what about you Woody? you know I put on the aviator helmet and pretend I'm flying and calling out Woody's like permission to drop ordinance? Jackie's in the other room with a monitor.

Yeah. Ranted. Right, right, right. And then I get the kids to scream. It's a whole family treat. Scream like you're on fire.

I got a 12 year old that does blood curdling pain. Like you wouldn't believe. Yeah. it's great But yeah, I mean it's it's not like an everyday treat that you watch upsetting death videos like You know you have to get it all out we like to watch some fun videos We I mean whether it's belly button fucking or people getting shot by drones. I would rather watch the drone thing

than any more belly button stuff. I did not care for that one bit. I subscribe to a belly button website. It's called justthelint.com. And I've been... ...watching it all week. A little graphic, but that for um it's good stuff i normally i don't pay for porn you know it's out there for free but i'm willing to lay some money down for this you gotta send me all of these links i mean alina's not really down with all that but yeah i'll get into it

that's a t-shirt. I'm doing that. Al can give a brief rundown of what it was we were reviewing specifically. A rundown, you say? Yes. Oh, he's going to find the links again. To be a proper belly button recipient. It takes a

full-sized woman. You gotta be a big girl. You need to be at least 400 pounds of... This girl... If anybody wants to go to her website, it's TiffanyCushionBerry.com I know we did this last week.

I know some of you are tired of the belly button fucking. I'm sure she's tired of it at this point. He's fucking her I know we did this last week. I know some of you are tired of the belly button fucking. I'm sure she's tired of it at this point. He's fucking her belly button. But this is hilarious. She's a lot of woman. Like, she's 400 pounds, okay? But she's got smaller boobs than my girlfriend.

Somehow she got 400 pounds in there and no breasts. But he's still pinching like one nipple. Oh my god. Right? Wow. It's like a garbage bag full of cottage cheese. Just shaking around. Now listen. Holy shit.

That's what I said. Think about that when you're alone in the middle of the ocean. So while you're looking at that, I just want to tell everyone a little bit about Squarespace. I want everyone to remember that this episode of PKA is being brought to them in part by Squarespace. With Squarespace, you can build an amazing website. You can build your

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So start your free trial today with no credit card required at squarespace.com. When you decide to sign up for Squarespace, make sure to use offer code PKA to get 10% off your first purchase. So yeah, Squarespace. Build it beautiful. I like them a lot. I like them too. While you were doing the ad read, I searched it and found that justthelint.com is available. Someone could go to Squarespace,

perhaps make their own belly button fetish site, justthelint.com and get it going. And it doesn't take an expert to make it happen. Yeah. Wings. Yeah. Itings. Yeah. It's go time. It's time to go.

Yeah. She's on board. Great. About Squares 5. Wings knows some girls who would be capable of some belly button fucking. Yeah. Next time we get Wings in a conversation, we have to ask him about this. I bet.

I bet we can convince wings to fuck his girl's belly button why would we want to do that why don't totally we want to do that i don't know why you're questioning it he's gonna put the gopro on it's gonna be a p.o the head mounted flappy thing and the the-of-view belly button, wings of redemption, gigantic testicles, legendary gigantic testicles that he's told us about. You should hit big, Gil. Yeah.

There's a critical mass you have to hit. You're either 400 pounds, that's one type of belly button porn actress, or you're dead, that's the other kind, because there's a penis fucking... If you only need to buy one airline ticket when you go around you're not capable of participating in this genre no if you can if you can fit in a small boat uh or a canoe uh-huh yes won't work if you can just

go around sitting willy-nilly at uh chairs at wedding events and things like that you're not big enough there needs to be a conscious thought every time you sit down of, is this going to hold me? I'm a very girthy person. Yeah. Choosing whether or not to sit. If you haven't already had to go and get prescription deodorant because of the smell, it's not going to work for you.

I find that rubbing sea sand and salt under my armpits every day helps me. Yeah. Yeah, that keeps the stink away. That's a real Middle Ages way. Well, it doesn't keep the stink away, but it keeps the flies away, and that's all I really care about.

Some of the flies. What is that natural deodorant? It's sea salt and chalk or something, I guess? No, you take the eyeballs of fish and you sort of mortar and pestle. You get a jelly-like consistency. I hate jelly deodorants. Well, you mix it with the sea salt and that thickens it up and you sort of smear that on there.

It's a schmear, though. It's not a smear. You schmear it all over there. And then you have to kind of keep your hands above your head and let the sun bake it. You want the sun to bake that until it's hard and crispy, and then you peel it away like dry mud, and you're left with just the driest armpits you've ever had and a very serious rash that will not go away.

So what is it for real, though? I can answer this. It's like sea salt and I think like a talc-y sort of natural mineral. It's just like salt really. I've never been tempted to put my tongue to it and actually taste it. I've read the ingredients and it's like salt but I just can't remember myself to actually

taste it but I think that's pretty much it. Allow me to take over because I've been searching this. It is witch hazel, essential oils whatever that is. That's the eyeballs. Mineral salts, baking soda and hops. Hops? Are we talking about Vegemite again?

No. We're talking about natural deodorant ingredients. I bet Vegemite would probably work too. You know I won't judge you on your kink. I have to have deodorant. That's one of the...

I have forgotten deodorant like three times in my entire fucking life because it's such a big part of my morning ritual, my morning regime. It's not the morning regime! You will put on the deodorant! So I don't forget it often, but when I do, let's say it's 10am, 11am, I'm out in the world, and my armpits start feeling kind of slippery, and I'm like, uh-oh, this isn't good.

And if I smell myself at all, I'm like, whoa, game over. Gotta go back home, re-shower, re-deodorant. I know we talked about this at the very beginning. But don't you think the rules would be different on the high sea? Yeah, totally. You could hop in the ocean, take a little swim, and get any funk off of it. Yeah. Do you ever swim?

That's the thing. You jump in the water three, four, ten times a day. So it's like you put it on and you're like, there's sort of no real point there. I'm going to jump back in the water three, four, you know, 10 times a day. So it's like you put it on and you're like, there's sort of no real point that I'm going to jump back in the water again. And like there will be times when you're like, I probably should shower properly with water and soap. But, you know. You're only going to be clean for 45 minutes.

Now, do you jump in the water when it's deep? Like when you're not anywhere near land, You're only going to be clean for 45 minutes. That's up to you, bro. It's great. Now, do you jump in the water when it's deep? When you're not anywhere near land? When you're just full out in the middle of nowhere, nowhere, no land in sight, you're out there swimming? Oh, it's not spooky. Yeah, absolutely. That's the best because the water's very clear.

Well, the water's clear. You can see for miles. Would you do it if you were solo, hypothetically? As it is now, if you were to get separate. Let's say the boat started to blow away a little bit. That's just death solo. You'd have to be tied or something. Is that what people do?

Yeah. I wouldn't jump in. I would jump in if it was just me by myself, but I would also think that it was just me by myself, but I would also think that it was pretty silly. I would do it whilst cautioning against it. I don't know what's down there. I saw something on the Discovery Channel four years ago,

and there is a shark down there the size of a goddamn greyhound bus, and it's going to find you one of these days, and I won't be there there i'll be at home that is so ridiculous there's no reason to be scared you are probably more chance of getting hit by a meteorite or on the certainly on the car on the way to the yacht and of getting eaten by a shark i'm more scared yeah but if i get hit by a meteor there's just there's no time at all for me to even know what's happening i'm just walking somewhere and then i'm instantly dead and vaporized in a news story there's gonna be a few like maybe a full minute of unmitigated horror and fear as i'm being not if it's not if it's a greyhound bus a greyhound bus is gonna it's a megalodon that doesn't even exist anymore let's say a tiger

shark rips you apart then you've got to like be like oh god please don't rip me apart as it slowly like rips pieces of you off and like swims away and you're like oh god maybe he's leaving but he's not he's just letting you bleed and weaken a little. He's making a lap. He's making his victory lap. That's all that is. He just starts coming back again. It'd be awful. I would hate to be eaten alive by anything. Would you rather be eaten alive by a shark or a bear?

Shark. I don't know too much about bears. Shark. I feel like sharks are more deadly. Sharks don't scare me so much. Yeah, I think the shark's the way to go because I feel like sharks are more deadly sharks don't scare me so much yeah I think the shark's the way to go because I feel like the bear like the way that what I've seen from bear maulings

and watched some stuff about people who actually got killed by bears very bad way to go lots of ripping and tearing lots of ripping scalp and flash away phone yes of course have you seen that that actually scared the shit out of me yeah have you seen that that actually

scared the shit out of me yeah that was one that I downloaded I tried to download Star Wars

and Revenant and I got Revenant but I couldn't get Star Wars good thief that was about a week ago yeah

see the thing with the bear though well I tried to buy it as well but I couldn't do that either so what are you going to do with a shark at least you're going to die kind of quick and I guess if you are bleeding in the water it's less painful

I thought that too cut themselves in the bathtub instead of just cutting themselves in the kitchen no they do it in a warm bath because it prevents clotting it keeps you open. Okay, it just keeps you bleeding. All right. But with a bear, it just starts eating.

It'll knock you down and then just take a big bite out of your calf. And it hears you screaming, but it's like, no, I don't care. You'll die eventually. I'm just going to keep eating, starting at the bottom. That's my big issue. I want to be killed by something that kills not just lions right yeah i was gonna say lion lion and tiger i feel like they're like okay they might play with their their food a little bit but mostly they like grab your neck rip out the jugular

and kill you and then eat your dead body bears eat your live body that's not my preference yeah and and i don't like the idea that that i'm dealing with such an alpha predator that he that he's not my preference yeah and and i don't like the idea that that i'm dealing with such an alpha predator that he that he's not concerned that i'm still alive like i want whatever's attack like at least if something's attacking you and it's like oh shit i better kill this human he might fuck me up you're kind of at least still have a chance maybe you poke him in the eye or something a little threatened by it doesn't know what to expect yeah but a bear unless you're hugh glass apparently although i read this thing in like what is that like outdoor life magazine maybe at an airport one time about another circumstance of a man fighting a bear basically barehanded with a blade or something and coming

out i mean i want to say on top because the bear died but the injuries sustained were just gruesome you know like just gruesome large say like christopher reeve won a horse fight yeah he really came out on top and i'm sure they shot the horse afterwards but that's what i'd like to know do you think they shot that fucking horse because if i'm christopher reeve i'm like like after i'm like you know after i've stabilized or whatever i'm like bring him over well no like, you know, after I've stabilized or whatever, I'm like, bring him over. Well, I don't gesture because I can't fucking move, but I'm like, bring him over here. And, you know, they bring the horse up and then I'm going to like lick the trigger of a gun while they like, like, like put the gun to the horse's head.

And I'm like, like tongue blow blow like tongue kill the fucking horse for crippling me if I'm Christopher Reeves I hope they killed that horse I'm sure they did yeah I'm sure I'm sure that there's a special place in horse hell that's not what they did what they do they sold the horse

apparently it was some sort of performing horse and they sold it to someone else changed its name and it continued its career I wouldn't want to ruin its credit or something I hope not they didn't pull out all of its stem cells and use them for research

I hope somebody goes out there and kills that horse needs a good killing treat it like a goddamn aborigine so I we used to pass time at work Needs a good killing. It's not still alive. Treat it like goddamn aborigine. So I – We used to pass time at work by these hypothetical questions like would a bear win against a polar bear? And if someone said yes, then okay.

Would it win against two polar bears? Or would a bear win versus shark in knee-deep water? And, you know, you can go on and on. But that's how we used to pass hours and hours of time for... I've spent hours and hours on YouTube. It's supposed to be working. So I was curious about the Australian Aboriginals because Woody just kind of brought them up.

Are there any, like, racial slurs for the Australian Aboriginals, because Woody just kind of brought them up. Are there any racial slurs for the Australian Aboriginals, specific to them? I see one here that's called ABCO. I guess it's short for Aboriginals Being Alcoholics. Looking for more. You heard of that? ABCO. I've never heard of that.

Yeah, right? I've never heard of it. Kyle, can you click your camera? Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah. Yeah, Kyle. I must have made two hours with the phone calls today trying to get my prank phone call idea to work, but I'm having such a hard time getting the

owner, like the decision maker for a business on the line because that's who I need. I need a decision maker. So I call this place and I say, hi, is my camera on yet? Let's restart the call i think it's gonna be lazy okay all right we'll just call right back yeah oh it just worked it came on at the last second it did like as i'm yeah i saw it too so let's see here so what i what've been doing, I'm still not on.

You need to press your camera, Kyle. Oh, I'm sorry. Did I not? Maybe I didn't call with the camera button. Maybe I called with the voice one. There we go. All right. We're back in business now.

Taylor's coming along. Taylor, can you hear me? Yep. All right, there we go. There we go. That's good enough. So I call these local businesses, and I've been picking what I think will be like blue collar businesses.

I call granite companies, lumber companies and stuff like that. My first question is, hi, I'm calling local businesses to see whether or not they'd be interested in sponsoring a 5K charity event we're holding at the local high school. Who would I want to talk to about that over there? And then they say, oh, you want Bob or you want the CEO or the president or the marketing Manager and then they transfer me transfer me to him And I've been having a really hard time getting to to anybody that I can fuck with but I did talk to one of the ladies at the desk today and got her really really angry because what I'm calling for is

I want to raise money for my group right and? And I start by saying, well, ma'am or sir, you've probably heard of the LGBT. They support lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered rights. Like, we're all very familiar with this. I open up with this to her, and she goes, uh-uh, we ain't into all that, and hangs up. And I'm like, we're just getting started here. That was a for instance, right?

So I call her back up, get her on the phone, and she's like, we ain't into all that. Now you don't even talk into the right person. And I'm like, ma'am, ma her back up, get her on the phone, and she's like, we ain't into all that. You don't even talk to the right person. And I'm like, man, man, we got off on the wrong foot here. See, I don't like the LGBT, I'll be honest. That's not my cup of tea, if you know what I mean. She's like, well, all right, then. They don't go far enough, man, I'm telling you.

And they don't support the group that I'm into. See, we're the ABCFA. We're the Adult Babies, Cloppers, and Furries of America. And then I just go silent because i just said that i'm representing the adult babies cloppers and furries of america now adult babies are of course adult men or women mostly men right because we're the weird part of the sex we're the kinky motherfuckers that are doing this awful shit uh they they fetishize and sexualize being a baby they they wear diapers uh sometimes they

soil their diapers and have it changed by a woman sometimes they're just mothered by the woman pacifiers the little baby thing you wear on your head all that shit right um a very funny fetish also cloppers these are people and i explained this to you tell me it's related to horses oh it's better these people sexualize the my little pony cartoon show oh why wouldn't they they are into the idea of fetishizing fucking my little pony characters and they have i saw this plush my little pony that had a zipper in the back and when you unzip it it reveals a a pony vagina that you can then use like one of those the fleshlight sort of mechanism.

Very weird kind of thing. Very odd subsexual society. And then of course the furries, the people who sexualize like, what do they call it? Transmorphic entities that are like sort of quasi humanoid slash animal creatures. That's actually the most normal. I'm down with that. I'm glad you said that as a humanoid slash animal creature.

That's actually the most normal. I'm down with that. And I'm glad you said that because before I go any further, we had a guy who was a furry on the show. I completely respect what they do. However, I felt like it would be very funny to like throw that in the face

of this conservative person along with the cloppers and the adult babies. So no offense meant to anyone. But then I explained to them that there are three different levels. Oh, man, maybe you just don't want to dig that deep. We have the bronze package. Now, when you sign up for the bronze package,

and I always make up a different dollar amount depending on how much money the company has. For the bronze package, all of the diapers will have your logo and name on them. All of the adult babies will be wearing a Jim's Lumber Company diaper. Now, for the silver package, we really step things up. You still get the diaper package, don't worry,

but when you step up to silver, and that's like a $1,000 package, which blows people, this is going to blow some, your name and logo are printed on the 100 special commemorative My Little Pony horse dildos that will be distributed to the crowd during the event. So we're going to have all these My Little Pony horse dildos that will be distributed to the crowd during the event.

So we're going to have all these My Little Pony horse dildos, which are just disgusting, and those exist, by the way, the horse penis dildos. That's a thing if you want to start Googling. And then the gold package. The gold package. That's where we really make your money work for you, sir. See, we're going to have sort of a halftime during the 5K charity trot, walk, or crawl,

which is what we're calling it. The trot, walk, or crawl, yes. And what we'll have, we're going to have one dozen cloppers that are fully dressed. They're going to be singing a song midfield during the halftime show, and they're going to write a special clopper-related song about your business. And they're going to be out there dressed as you know my little pony fucking each other and singing your song

so would you be interested sir could I there's no way in hell you're getting through this much of this no but I have to have all the material well you need to think of more groups how about the LRP the league of recovering pedophiles?

Like just random groups that sound like they could be real, but also very inappropriate. The League of Recovering Pedophiles. We're trying to integrate them back into the school system, man. These are men who were formerly professors, members of the clergy, teachers, coaches. These guys had a rough time of it, right? They were in a different state. We're bringing them into Georgia, man. These guys are from South Carolina, as far away as the Philippines. They've run into a bit of legal trouble with their, you know, their man-boy love. And we think that that's a beautiful

thing, and we don't frown on it here. So, the League of Recovering Pedophiles just wants to know if you'd like to sponsor a special place for one of these pedophiles to be moved into your neighborhood and integrated back into society. Oh, see, no. See, you're taking it a different direction that's better. I was saying League of Recovering Pedophiles like they're trying not to be pedophiles anymore, but you're saying League of Recovering Pedophiles like they're trying to finally just accept themselves for who they are.

They're still fucking kids. Yeah, but... Of course, like, you can't change that. The only thing that fixes pedophilia is chemical sterilization. I mean, we all know that. I do think that you're never really going to fix that in someone. What if you sterilize, if you castrate them? I was unable to find a My Little Pony dildo, but the things that this show does to my search history.

I got you, Woody. Far off into the weeds. Well, which one do you want to see, the blue one or the blue one? Let me find the uh the pony dildos don't oh my god what why are you why do you always have an yeah animal dildos here we go so there's a ton of them but are they my little pony specific that was what i searched for oh yeah no the zombie dildos we found before or Or the vampire fleshlight, which would not turn me on at all. That vampire fleshlight, it had teeth?

Yeah, it's a little scary to me. I get that the teeth were soft and plush and whatever, but just the same, teeth and a fleshlight. No bueno. One of these, this big one here, is $240. It's the Ellipse Art Equinox. But it's spelled Equine Ox. Equine Dildo.

It looks like it's a strap-on that literally gives you a realistic horse cock. That's how you need it. You can get spunk cum lube that looks like semen. 128 ounces of such is $110.

You can really start to see the savings at the 10-gallon mark. Or like the demonic ox balls. Yeah, this is like a cost-free. Ray, I love this website. Now, the fetish zone, eh? All right. Wow, there's a darker corner of this website oh the stockades they sell stockades they do sell stockades now i've been thinking of picking up a

stockade what do you use taylor do you do you have like a office furniture kind of thing with some duct tape going on because when you get a real stockade, I feel like, I don't know, you come off like a professional. Yeah, absolutely. A real man has a real stockade. Why is it guys in the stockade when I link it? Why was it all guys in the stockade? You know what? I bet they sell saddles.

Oh, I bet they do. What do you think this model got paid this stockade model he was just doing it for the stockade that's the store model he just gets to bring home a bunch of them he had to keep that one a little rickety because that's the test

I'm on the electro sex beginner kits some of these things I've seen marketed not as sex toys and uh it makes me wonder if if maybe i just didn't understand their full potential that that could be like which things are you seeing like is there some power tool you're saying they're just like oh that's for asses here i'll link the zeus palm power box and you tell me if that's even a sex toy yes that is a sex toy oh come on you've seen that like yeah i've got

a legit therapy tool right yeah i've got one of those um things sucks like i don't know i've put it on like my arm muscle or whatever and and it'll make it twitch a little. Yeah, and that apparently has some value. I need 10 times this much power to get souped up. Oh, look at this. Yeah, I'll try that in physio. This device right here is one that, when I see something like this, even I, who I've got an open mind about things, right?

Very much so. When I see this, I just think why who's into this who wants this why are you doing this to yourself this is a piercing kind of thing no it's not let me read the description

I'm not sure I understand how this thing works I don't either I think it's pretty straightforward yeah they're gonna stick that down your japsaw this thing works. I don't either. How does this sit to rally? I think it's pretty straightforward. Yeah, they're going to stick that down your Japs eye. Your what? Your Japs eye.

Like a Japanese person's eye. Oh my God. We should end on that note. Here's that. Christ, that was the racist thing of

the night. Us peeing all a Japs eye? The shaft is hollow silicone it's naturally bending affording comfort and flexibility that is gook paper yes so that goes

down the penis and I guess the top part the ring goes around it yeah that way you can come through that tube while you're being sounded, which is what, you know. Oh, I see. Because normally when you're sounded, you can't come at all because you're clogged up. But with this thing through your japs eye,

you're able to come and be sounded at the same time. Suddenly this makes a lot of sense. This doesn't – how do you get into this? Like this looks so... You start slow, I hope. Most of these things begin in the shower. Yeah, my people... You end with a, you know,

no good Nick uncle when you're a kid. I'm open about it, but my people is not part of the fun toolbox. Like, I don't want anything done to my japs eye. I don't want anything done to my, my, my Jap's eye. I don't want anything going on there at all. Like, like,

like, like certain penetration. I've seen like full ladies fingernail fingers inserted in there. I've seen a fork, like a plastic fork

put in handle first in there. There are some awful things on the internet. One time when I was really, really young, maybe six years old,

I put either the back end or one side of a tweezers in my pee hole, and I found it to be very painful. I haven't done anything like that since. Was that the learning experience as a kid? I wonder what would...

That's pretty much how that went. It was like, let's see how this works. Was that just the learning experience as a kid? Just, I wonder what would... Oh! That's pretty much how that went. It was like, oh, let's see how this works. Maybe I'll insert something in here. And then I tried it, and I was not even in maybe half a centimeter, and it was awful. It was full on, like a complete pain, whatever that is. What was your first lesson of that is an out-hole only.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Nothing going in there. Yeah. And Kyle couldn't take that story. I don't like the pee-hole stuff. You know what else I don't like? Any thought of fingernail clippers being used as an offensive weapon. Like the idea of those pinching flesh or ripping flesh for some reason is just a real...

Like taking little chunks out, little geometric chunks. Yeah. Something about the way that device works, the mechanism and the way it... I don't know. Something about that skeeves me out. The idea that... Do you ever think about just putting it right on this area

on the bottom of your nose right there and then just squeezing it as hard as you can? No, I don't think about that. What about a stapler? Have you thought about that? Where would I put it? Oh, nipples. I've stapled...

We used to play a game where we'd staple ourselves with a stapler. Right on your japs eye. We would always staple our arms or our hands. It was some stupid game we would play. I don't remember what we were playing. We were flicking quarters

and who could get closest to the edge. If you lose, you got to staple yourself. You get four people playing, so that way you're not constantly getting stapled. It's kind of fun. No. You bring your own stapler. I don't see Milton Bradley picking this one up. I'm not trying to brag. It's like

dodged peer pressure or anything, but a staple never just found its way into my arm. I invented the game. What are you talking about peer pressure? That was my game. That was good stuff. Peer pressure to keep stapling. I mean, it was a boring work environment.

It was like Operation, but with a little bit more of a consequence. Interesting. I think we should wrap soon. I was thinking that too. Call it a wrap right there. Let's wait till Elena gets back and we can... That's it.

Just yell it randomly and it's pronounced properly. Elena! Am I getting better? No. Here she is. You're getting very close. There's Elena. There she is. Or Lasagna. getting very close. Yeah, there's a lineup. There she is.

Or lasagna. Are we still talking about dildos? No, we're all done. No, you missed it. Sad for you. It never really stops. We were just wrapping up. Yeah, we're just about to say.

Yes, really enjoyed having you both on. It was really fun. You guys live a really cool lifestyle. It's a total alternative to what 95% of the rest of human beings have decided is existence. This 9-5 workday kind of thing.

The three of us here are kind of into that sort of thing. The idea of breaking that mold and getting beyond that. But you've really cut the cord and ran with it. I think that's really cool that mold and getting beyond that. But you've really cut the cord and ran with it, and I think that's really cool. So where, if our fans want to check your stuff out, where should they go?

How should they look you up and look into you? If you type sailing into YouTube, I think it... We're after sailing something. Anyway, if you just type sailing the vagabond into YouTube, that's pretty much our home base. Is it okay if you put a description in the... Yeah, that's right. There'll be a link.

Some people listen to it on their iPod and stuff, so they don't have that link to click. So if you're watching on YouTube... Sailing La Vagabonde. Type that into YouTube and we'll come up. Yeah, cool. And hey, thanks a lot for having us on, guys. Yes, I've learned a lot.

You're all very, very good friends with a really cool thing going on. It was great to be a part of it. Yeah, we have a good time. Thanks for coming, man. Anytime. You really do. You're all awesome. Awesome to hang out with.

It was good fun. All right. We had a good time, too. Thanks to our sponsors, of course, Trunk Club, Squarespace, Dollar Shave Club, and Movement Watches. Check them out down in the description below. That's it. Painkiller Ready, episode 270.