Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #271

Episode Date: March 4, 2016

This week on PKA, the fantastic Anthony Cumia joins us again, for the whole show! They laugh and talk about Trump getting "cucked" on the debate before Super Tuesday, iPhone 7 rumors, and the awesomeness that is the upcoming UFC 196.

We're live. Alright. These guys insisted on starting the show before the show started. Yeah. Yeah. We've got three special sponsors tonight. Trunk Club, Club W, and Ring.com. You'll hear more about them later in the show. There are links in the description. But what episode is this, Woody? Tell us. 271. 271. That's quite a few. We have Mia with us tonight again. Thank you for coming.

One of our beloved guest hosts. And we were discussing right before you hit the big red button over there. I imagine it's a big red button. It's probably just a keystroke, right? But we were talking about Donald Trump and the high energy voting voters out there

in Nevada and how he has fucking won a state that he wasn't supposed to win and now with Super Tuesday looming, these winner take all states states and he's polling very well in all of them including texas and florida where rubio and cruz's home states he's winning in florida by like 12 points or something conservatively and he's all it's all tied up in fucking texas texas keep mind, this is the guy who's talking about building the wall. And he's literally getting in cursing matches with Mexico's former president on Twitter. And he's winning the Hispanic vote in Nevada. He got 40-something percent. Based on what you said before, he's really inspiring a lot of high-energy activity.

High energy. I need to check all these PKA stats you just dropped. Was he not supposed to win in Nevada? I thought he was crushing in the polls there and just did as expected. He wasn't supposed to win that much at the Hispanic vote because you know all along they keep... Now we're changing the... We moved the goalpost here.

Like, oh, but he wasn't supposed to win. No, I don't think he was supposed to win Nevada. Now, maybe he was polling well, but to the Republican establishment, I feel like they were still like, well, he's not going to win, though. Everybody is going to leave Jeb Bush's... Was Cruz in second place still? ...coalesce around Cruz or Rubio, and one of those will become the frontrunner, or at least it'll be neck and neck. No, Trump stomped them. He crushed it. And to take that much

of the Hispanic vote in a border state like that down there where all this illegal immigration stuff, wall stuff, is very relevant, is shocking. And with Rubio, right? Rubio's kind of... He's Hispanic, right? They're both! Aren't both of them at least half Hispanic or something like that? I think Cruz is Canadian.

Well, I know... That's a problematic problem. One of my favorite things from the Donald subreddit is a picture of the continental United States. And they've put like the American flag on the states that Trump has won. And they put a Canadian flag on the states that he has won. I love it. You know what I love? I love that if you look at Trump's kids, like his daughter, she posts these things that are so absolutely against what what Sanders, Bernie Sanders has put up. Like you'll see that his daughter actually did this. How to get a first class seat easier on a commercial flight.

It's like that's what she's doing. And Bernie's like, walk, walk. You should just walk. Polar opposites. Have you seen those photos they show of Bernie, his supporters, where it's just like him sitting, this doddering old man on a bus. And they're like, wow, a person of the people. When really it's like, you've been a politician

making good money for decades. If you're still riding a bus, there's a fucking problem there. I think he's worth roughly a million, right? I've heard 400,000, I think. Enough to have a car. Enough to have a car. But yeah, he's not worth shit. He's worth 400 grand.

And he's like 80 or something. He's 74, I think. Salary's shit. Add investment choices. Yeah. If you're 74 and you haven't accumulated more than 400 grand, I think. Salary's shit. Yeah, if you're 74 and you haven't accumulated more than 400 grand, then you're not saving your money.

Especially if you've been working at the same place for like 50 fucking years or something. Under his plan, plenty of millionaires would be riding the bus. Yeah. It's Rubio who's the poorest one. Let me see. Rubio is's the The poorest one let me see Rubio is less than half of Bernie's age

I think You wanna see another really funny graph Another hilarious graph I saw on the Donald subreddit They put um all of the candidates Democrat and Republicans net worth On a bar graph And of course Trump with his 4 billion or whatever And everybody else you can't even see their bars

Have bars It's just names with a little like squiggly line And then his 4 billion And of course, Trump with his $4 billion or whatever. And everybody else, you can't even see their bars. Tab bars. It's just names with a little squiggly line. And then his $4 billion. I was about right. It says Bernie Sanders is worth $528,000. Which, it's not that that's not a lot of money. It's a lot of money.

But he's 74. He's been working in the same place forever. It's easy to accumulate money if you just had a lot of time. I've often thought to myself, if I was a vampire this would be freaking easy. It's like, put some money aside in the S&P 500, wait a hundred years, and now you're rich as hell. It's easy to get rich, it's just hard to get

rich young. That's not that much fucking money at all that he's accumulated over so many years. I gotta play the devil's advocate here because I bet all play the devil's advocate here because I bet all of the people who are out there burning for him are going to point out that he's got some massive charitable donations, that this guy's probably donated 50% of his earnings forever or something.

That sounds like the sort of thing this guy would do. And I still want to say that Bernie Sanders is probably my second choice for this thing. I just can't stand the bad taste of Clinton in my mouth. That's just disgusting to me. Get a good pill. Oh, right? And most of the other Republican guys really creep me out. That Cruz guy really is an odd-looking fellow,

and he seems creepy to me. I'm sorry. That's just what I take from him. I love your, like, you know, that Cruz guy, 15, 25 pounds overweight. He's out. No. I'm just seeing, like, his mannerisms and the way him reacting. He reminds me a little bit of creepy Uncle Joe Biden and how he'll, like, come up on you and be, like, massaging you and whispering in your aunt's ear. And you're just like, what the fuck, Joe?

massaging you and whispering in your aunt's ear and you're just like what the fuck joe like i don't like his double chin how he's he hasn't gotten fat enough to really commit to the christy double chin but he's fat enough that it just it's like a weird kind of i don't know blue diamond ski slope from the tip of his chin that just becomes chest it just becomes his chest he has no discernible adam's apple. Not very masculine. No vote for me. Now, while we're mocking political candidates' physical attributes, have you guys seen the Hillary Clinton, the anti-Clinton ad that's sort of a parody of the office space scene where they're smashing the printer out in the woods? Has everybody seen this? I thought

that that was so juvenile and low down that it had to be a trump ad right and i look in the bottom and correct me if i'm wrong is that a cruise ad it is yeah it is so if you haven't seen it out there just look it up look up like hillary you want to watch it together it's not i'd love to it's like a minute um it's it's if you haven't seen office space you're really missing out so that's a great like great great yeah you're right i'm. That's a great, great movie. Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry. I thought it was called The Office and I mix them up sometimes.

You were right. Yeah, but I saw that ad and I was like, oh, look at Trump. That's this guy. He always goes for the lowest hanging fruit. He doesn't care. He'll fucking spit in your face and loogies and anything. But then I saw it.

See, it's Cruz. Are you guys ready? There's going to be whole new lows from Trump if he gets the nomination. All right. You guys ready? Yeah. Three, two, one, play. Damn, it feels good to be a Clint.

Damn, it feels good to be a Clint. And I got to say, they didn't pull this off well because, like, the music was poorly written. They could have come up with some funnier lyrics here. It's really repetitive and growing. The funny part, really, is the Hillary Clinton

I suppose lookalike. She's a real heavy set with these massive hips. She's a very earthy build. Yeah, and this actually really commits. These punches, shot for shot remake. I'll say that. Whoever made the film this, it's a shot for shot remake.

It's really well done. That's actually one of her servers. Yeah, exactly. If you look closely, that's what it says. The one she got her hands on. Yeah, exactly. If you look closely, that's what it says. Mm-hmm. The one she got her hands on. A Clint male, yeah. There's probably some Benghazi thing down there in small print or something. I was thinking for the longest

time that she was just gonna waltz into the White House, but the more I talk to people around me, maybe it's just small sample size of the people I associate with, but even the women I know, nobody is on Clinton's side. No one in my circle is in Clinton's side either. But she's kicking Sanders' ass in this thing.

Like, don't be fooled. Sanders carried what was next to his home state. She has all the superdelegates. So she starts with this big lead. Sanders needs to win like 55-45 from here going forward to overcome her lead. And every state, he just falls further behind. You know, like he needed to win South Carolina. He needed to win Nevada.

And he loses again and again. How could he not win against somebody that absolutely can be up on felony charges and has an FBI investigation going on right now. It's amazing how much Hillary really gets away with. I get that she was careless. No one's ever explained to me the motives for this. She had a private email server. Okay. I could give a fuck, right? Like I've set up private email servers. It's not a big deal. It's not like it's some nefarious crazy thing. She was careless with her private email server.

In what way? I'm sorry. In what way was she careless? Yes. In that she would use the private one to talk about top secret things. There was something like 1,200, 1,400 classified documents on her private server when she should have been using the ones that are protected by the government and professional IT staff.

But to speak to her defense, I read that her private server there in her home was attacked multiple times by different, not by some punk on the street, by Russia or by China. There were five serious attacks and it stood up to them all. And how often do we hear about Chinese hacking into anything and everything they want in

our country? It seems and so much corporate corporate espionage and stuff that goes on. I'm if I had to bet if you're asking me to bet right now, what's more secure? Hillary's private server in her house locked down right there that only her and the people she's emailing with know about versus you know whatever normal stream she's supposed to go to I really didn't have any issue with that I feel like it was obviously you're not considering is you're laying it out there like oh yes you got attacked all these times and they never got in how do you know how do you know I don't I get it right like dude I can fucking erase

my tracks it's easy I can download erase my tracks. It's easy as fuck. I can download a script off the internet that erases my tracks. It's bullshit to say that we don't know that they failed in their attempts to get in. I didn't know that it was 12 of 14. And how do we know that they're not always in all of our systems? Right? Yeah, well, I mean, it gets harder and harder when you have, like, multiple routers and, like, a corporate IT system. And, you know, it's harder to delete all your trails.

But if it's just a freaking server on the internet, like I'm imagining it, maybe it's different because it's higher. have multiple routers and a corporate IT system. It's harder to delete all your trails. But if it's just a freaking server on the internet, like I'm imagining it, maybe it's different because it's her home. I believe she had like a, you know far and away more about this than me, but I believe she had a physical server in her presence. Yeah, that's fucking nothing.

Yeah, I just meant like, I don't know how many hops they had to do to get to that server and how many places they would have had to clear their tracks to get to it. I just wanted to be clear that when we talk about her they would have had to clear their tracks to get to it. I just wanted to be clear that when we talk about her server, we're not talking about like, she rented a cloud, some cloud space where some bullshit like that. So what I'm trying to say is, I just want to know what the motives are because that

makes a difference to me. If she's somewhat technically incompetent, then we can assign someone to help her. If there was a malicious motive behind this, then that weighs super heavy with me. You know, I don't think there's it's hard to find any kind of a motive for doing it. That isn't just her being very kind of, you know, she should be a little more that should have been more secure. Obviously, it shows bad judgment is what it shows. And as far as a president goes, it's like, oh, God. Classified emails in with her daughter talking about her wedding emails.

I don't know. It's not just one slip-up either, which is unsettling. It's not like it was one, oh, fuck, I accidentally hit send on our most recent Pentagon dossier. Hopefully nobody picks that up. You said 1,200, 1,400 documents. Even if she's really bundling those, that's a lot of mistakes made. Apparently there were some CIA agents whose identity could have been compromised. There were a lot of very sensitive things in there.

I'll lay out two motives. Let me give it the floor for a second here. She might have used her private email server because there's some penalty for using like government things for personal business. She had sent all these emails about her kid's wedding from the government servers that she could get in some kind of trouble. If it was for re-election, I know you can't use all these government services for re-election purposes. So you might set up something private just to keep the two things separate. That's one motivation. And if she was incompetent in keeping the things that were supposed to be on there

and the things that were supposed to be classified apart, then that says that she had some incompetence about her, but not necessarily that she's evil. If she set up a private server because it's easier for her to erase it when she gets subpoenaed, it's easier for her to hide things and be nefarious. Clearly it wasn't because they recovered it all. Well, she wiped it with a cloth. She thought it was.

Yeah, yeah. What? With a cloth? Let's wrap up political talk soon. I got something else I want to move on to. Anyway, Bernie, Super Tuesday is coming up. It's actually Super Tuesday as these people watch this. No, it's Saturday. It's Super Tuesday soon. But yeah, Tuesday, that's when they hold that. I don't know.

I've been I like politics. I follow it a lot. And like my Super Bowl of politics is happening on Tuesday. And I look forward to it. I imagine. Let's do some quick predictions you can we do that trump gets so far ahead that everyone else is fucking buried hillary gets so far ahead that bernie is fucking buried and carson does not drop out and continues to sell his dumb ass book that's great i love that i'm glad you said that we you and i were texting a few days prior

to the nevada thing and you said something like wishes out his followers will coalesce around one of the other two or even both and that'll be good enough to propel them forward trump's dead and i agreed with you i think i replied something like yeah that's the most likely scenario right now but now that he's won nevada now that he's holding so well everywhere else um i think you're right that if i'm a betting man and and the best part is he's doing pretty well in these national polls against hillary he's from new york if he picks a good running mate like uh shithead like i don't know cruz or rubio he really needs case from ohio or uh whichever one cruz or cruz from Texas, right? If you pick one of those, Donald Trump could be our next president. It should be Cruz or Rubio.

Because those are both important swing states. And Rubio also brings a demographic, the Latinos with him, one would think. And so he could pick up either Florida or Ohio, which makes it a real uphill battle to win without those. You think Florida will be a big – see, it's such a crazy thing when it's Clinton versus Trump. All the standard metrics seem to kind of go out the door because it's such a bizarre thing. Those are historically the most important swing states, Ohio and Florida. important swing states ohio and florida if donald trump um like when he first got in obviously everybody thought it was a goofy kind of thing uh it was fun to watch like his popularity climb and go up and you're like and now it's at the point where it's like hey hey wait a minute

we were just fucking around this whole time wait a minute the great thing about that get a monkey and have him ride a motorcycle down the expressway once he's riding it down you realize hey wait a minute he's gonna hurt someone it was just funny watching him make all the other republican candidates his cut too real like oh like when that guy from uh pulp fiction is going down into the basement and he hears the raping of Marcellus Wallace and you're watching it for the first time and you're like, they're not going to walk in there and show him getting raped.

This is just a lot of build up. And then he opens the door and reality hits you and it's like there's a raping going on here. The truth is coming out. He has a good shot at this and it's just hilarious. Nobody had any I don't think anyone realistically thought he had a shot. Just imagine the shit shows that will come. The state dinners. I don't think anyone realistically thought he had a shot. Oh, no.

Just imagine the shit shows that will come. The state dinners. The trips abroad to Europe and Asia and Africa and all these countries. And Africa's a continent, so are most of the countries. But he's bringing Milena or whatever her name is, that ridiculous arm candy trophy wife. What a great first lady. I want them to pimp out Air Force One. Pimp out, what do they call the presidential limousine?

Maybe they just call it the presidential limousine. I want all that pimped out gold, pop caps and shit. Oh, the B is great first lady too. We've been getting butt fucked in the first lady beauty award for decades. No, I disagree.

Michelle is one of them. the first lady beauty award for decades. No, I disagree. I like it. Michelle is one of them. We haven't had truly trophy wives in a long time, but Obama's... Dude, if you take Michelle Obama and stack rank her against all the other moms her age, I think she comes out very close to the top. Oh, I think that she, as far as the first ladies go,

is up there, because most of them are grizzled old wenches who you can't even imagine being attractive. But if you look at the king of France or the – I don't know. Kings really know what they're doing. You see them with their wives, their queens, and it's like, holy shit. She's not walking around pretending to care about childhood obesity. She just exists and is hot by pools all over the world. I just want to see another administration where it's black tie and tails and Melania

does interviews with the news and just talks about the China she's going to be using that day. Just all that superficial first lady bullshit. I don't want a first lady that's talking about real issues, goddammit. I want her talking about real issues god damn it i want her talking about the curtains in the lincoln bedroom yeah she's the relief how to get upgraded to first class like that um oh oh i keep thinking like so i don't know if you guys have ever been to a trump casino but it is gaudy right like the sense of style is just like over the top shiny gold shit everywhere like this look like egypt i want uh gold uh gold figurines pyramids waterfalls yeah i want to see him fuck up our white house like that

yes i want it i want it all of a sudden, there's just tassels on everything, and, like, laser beams in the hallways and stuff. He would be a dick and put, like, a thematic water fountain out front in red, white, and blue with the lights on it. So, like, every hour on the hour, there's a three-minute song regaling his richness. It's like the Irish Caribbean in Vegas. There's cannons going off. It's red glare there's washington crossing when the boat crossing the river but you look closely and it's trump's face instead of washington's he's leading them across the worst neighbor ever there's like fireworks by the white house every night i would love to see that yeah now opening at the white house chris angel yeah i i don't care about their policies anymore i don't care about any of that stuff I see that. Yeah, now opening at the White House, Criss Angel.

I don't care about their policies anymore. I don't care about any of that stuff. You should. No, I don't care. It's over. Who cares anymore? And the best part is I feel like, you know, we were talking about how there's a lot of people

who are like, oh, is this really happening? We thought it was a joke. But there's a lot of people who are like, oh, shit, this is really happening. Yeah.

Let's get behind this. I feel like, on Fox News, all they ever say is that Trump has found his ceiling, right? They're always talking about his ceiling that he's found. He hasn't. What if there's another 10% of people who are gonna be turned on by this, and they're gonna come from the Kasich group and the Ben Carson group, because he's kind of the outsider vote that's not insane if you can say that because i mean he's going to need here's the problem is people are trying to peg they're trying to get trump by pegging them as well he's a democrat he did this

he's not a conservative he's more liberal uh... back in nineteen eighty five he said this no one cares at this point we're not looking for a conservative, liberal, Republican, Democrat. We just want something different. If the liberals and conservatives, Republicans and Democrats want to really look at who made Donald Trump, look in the mirror. It's the first thing they both did together is make Donald Trump a viable candidate for

president. Yeah. both did together is make donald trump a viable candidate for president yeah so whenever i see trump blasted for some position that democrats would normally take i that doesn't turn me off to him at all it's like oh well maybe we'll be a little closer on that issue than i thought because i i tend to line up with the blue guys a little more than the red guys and uh but not on guns and um not on fucking yeah that's a turn I both agree really I think I think our politics are pretty much identical because and and and it's not supposed to say this out loud but I think it's because we're both reasonably intelligent guys with some common sense

is really really intelligent you might say common Well, I feel like common sense is the common factor if nothing else. I just feel like a lot of these things, a lot of these blue versus red topics, to me come down to common sense. Like I'm all for all the social rights you want. I'll call you what you want.

You can call yourself what you want. You can marry who you want. I really don't care. I'm 100% serious when I say we should legalize some sort of interspecies marriage. Why not? You should be able to marry your dog. You should be able to marry your computer. There's plenty of people out there who have spent thousands of hours of emotional and sexual time with their computer. What other opinions do you have?

I feel like those are not good things. I don't know, can I just like... You deny me, deny my love between me and my computer here. Here's the thing, right? I'm going to marry this pair of fingernail clippers and now I get to file married filing jointly, right? My tax rates get cut in half, my standard deduction goes up, everyone's going to marry bullshit like this.

That's all true, but those clippers have to pay taxes too. You're going to have to file a form for them. That's true. I've got a six-pack of beer in my fridge. All dependents. You know, if you're a Second Amendment guy, which I think we all are here, I'm pretty sure, then they want you to be. Yeah. They want you to be everything down that line. All right. So you're anti-abortion. You're so religious. It's fucking

crazy. You're this that like I like picking and choosing from various parts of the menu and being my own person. And I vote such. I won't automatically vote for someone because they're a Second Amendment person. But then again, I won't just automatically vote for the right or conservatives. The anti-gay position of the Republicans is

one that turns me off especially. I don't get that at all. Whatever you want to do, guys. Jesus Christ. Please have fun with yourselves. I'm sorry. I should have let you finish should let you finish it the rights version of the super left pc is like the super right religious trying to just put this finger in everybody's business yeah i really feel like the republicans would get more votes if they dropped some of the hate on the platform and i'm also talking about the gay stuff i don't know what other hate we're talking about. Maybe there's some racism in there.

But all you hear is the evangelicals. Oh, the evangelicals. I don't know how many times I've heard this so far. Evangelicals, even. Who cares about pandering to the religious? Like that to me is just as repulsive as somebody that wants to set the country back 500 years because of an owl.

I don't care. Yeah. Oh, one thing I'm going to throw in. There's nobody in my world who supports Hillary. I don't know why she's beating Bernie like a drum. I see Bernie support everywhere. And I exist on the internet a lot. There is no Bernie support at my dad's farm.

I doubt there's any Hillary support there. Oh no, none of that either. But each was as bad as the other. They thought that Bernie was just as bad as her. Here's my world. Does it have stuff that comes out of the back of it? Because that would be some Bernie support.

There's people in my world that love Bernie. There's people in my world that love Trump. There's people in my world that love Trump. And some who even say they want Rubio is like a more sane Republican choice. And I don't hear anything else. I don't know where all this. I don't know. It's weird to me that Hillary has a majority of support. Ben Carson doesn't raise his voice.

That's why you can't hear. It's a quiet thunder. It's rolling. I couldn't think less of that man. He wraps himself up in the Bible while this whole bullshit thing has been in efforts to sell books. You just do as the Bible says and tithe 10% from everything. Oh, God. That's his tax plan.

All right, let's talk about the FBI and Apple. Let's talk about that. I want to talk about that because I want to know what you think. I just got to say, Carson really put the kibosh on the whole thing. Hey, it's not brain surgery. He ruined that whole thing now. Yeah, I don't know how... There's a lot of different kinds of intelligence, and it's clear. I feel like that's very clear when you, you know, see someone like Ben Carson, who clearly

has this one element where he is, I mean, one of the best in the world, maybe the best in the world at what he does, but then you turn around and he says a lot of really nonsensical things that we all take for granted as just common sense. FBI wants Apple to unlock, or to assist them in unlocking the iPhone or iPhones from that San Bernardino shooting couple that some would label as terrorism if they've got common sense, and some would call some sort of workplace violence. Whatever you want to call it, though, I guess it's gone back and forth a couple times with Tim Cook, the CEO of Apple, and and the FBI spokesperson whoever that person was but

what I heard from the FBI today I believe I heard him saying it may be a presser something he said that he wanted them to disable the part of the phone that would erase all the data I after a certain number of attempts so he wants the penalty for too many wrong codes entered removed from the phone I and he wanted the time limit between inputs of passwords to be removed so that they could you know using some sort of computer I'm sure input passwords rapidly and break into this phone in a matter of minutes or

hours rather than days or weeks or something like that so I guess the real issue is though that's disturbing from not the area you're coming from as much as it is disturbing knowing that the fucking FBI does... I figured they just had, like, some black box and then a plug, and they're like, let me decipher this real quick, and then some minority with horn-rimmed glasses plugs in, and he looks at some swordfish-style screen of numbers, like a D program if you

can't hack this phone while receiving oral sex in 60 seconds then you're not qualified for this job over at the fbi was that they had to wait three minutes before specialist you know phone hacker could put in another sequential number like that's that's not good i thought we were a different level than that um apparently not or maybe maybe there's some further level encryption that they enabled on the phone. It's not 6969. I guess one side of the argument is, hey, these are bad guys. We need to know what they were up to, who they may have potentially been talking to. Maybe there's a bigger plot here. This is important for both national security and for crime prevention. You name it it's it be a good

thing to get in this phone but then you've got the other side of the argument that says hey we're not just asking them to sneak in here and turn a key and then leave what they're asking Apple essentially do is to give them the keys to the kingdom to give them the keys not just to these awful awful people these San Bernardino terrorists but to your phone and my phone and every phone that exists. And what's to stop this magical key that Apple is supposed to write and then hand over to the FBI from falling into the hands of the Chinese, who we know are constantly trying to break into our systems and take our things.

Now the Chinese can get into our phones. Maybe they get into Donald Trump's phone. It really seems like a problem now, doesn't it? If you put a backdoor on a phone, you don't get to control who walks through it. And that's my big issue with this thing. Like, you can imagine little robot. If you have a four-digit code, you've got 10,000 combos, right? That's not a lot.

You know, I bet a computer can enter these combos once per second, and you'll get in in short order. You know, a couple of minutes, a couple hours. I don't know how long 10,000 per second, and you'll get in in short order. A couple of minutes, a couple of hours. I don't know how long 10,000 seconds is. But you can get in. A determined teenager with a good texting finger will be able to just try all the combinations and get their way in. If you have a backdoor, you don't get to control who goes through it.

And that's why I don't like it. You can't get in. I'm agreed on that one. It's think that uh it's gonna go to the supreme court apparently and i hope apple wins because it would be a i feel like we all lose a little chunk of freedom if they don't win wouldn't you love to see what's on trump's phone though you know there's dick dick on trump's oh i bet there's nudes of his daughter on there totally got to be nudes his daughter on there oh you don't think you oh we all know he wants to that daughter come on well he said as much he's like you know she wasn't my daughter yeah i did that all right he said if she wasn't my daughter she would make an excellent wife or something close to that and what his intent on that thing is she is such a

great person she would maybe even be worthy of my wife you know i think that's where he was coming from not that i have the hots for her and you just have to remember that he is the ultimate megalomaniac megalomaniac and so that was a that was a really big compliment for oh yeah to say that hey if we weren't related i'd marry her yeah yeah hey honey i'd fuck you you know if you were my daughter. Or, hey, shots into a bad day. You know, whatever. As far as the FBI stuff goes, I don't think we should believe we're secure with anything we put our information on.

So whether Apple gives them the info or not, I would assume there's some way, shape, or form they can get whatever the fuck they want somehow. You look at things, and it's always under the guise of convenience. You know, that's how we love our easy passes and various things we use to get through toll booths because we don't want to wait online. It's more convenient that way. We don't think, oh, wait, the government is going to use this or even a civil case, a divorce case. What is that? Progressive insurance has a little thing you put in your car and it says, yeah, it's a safe driver thing and we'll give you lower rates for how safe you are. It's like, oh, we won't tell you what it's really for. If you get in an accident, we'll know when you hit the brakes, how fast you were going and all that and not pay your claim but they present it to you like safe driver discount put it in your car every bit of

technology is like that we love the the convenience and then we hate when someone uses it uh against us so always err to the side of you're gonna get screwed at some point i you know i've thought about that the stuff you mentioned, the easy pass, there's red light cameras, insurance stuff. It's making it really difficult for me to plan my hypothetical murder. Oh my God. I go through the steps.

It's time now. I go through those steps. Hopefully you're not joking because I was going to take it a little further. Help me with the steps. When you plan out that if you were like gonna be a serial killer or something you're like what would i even do you know when you have that thought oh yeah i know i'm from keep going fuck you yeah you were gonna you were gonna start it oh i'll keep going if you want

yeah yeah no i i think i want to go knife right because i feel like with um you say no to knife no i was gonna say uh strangulation with a plastic bag over the head maybe a zip tie at the bottom want to go knife, right? Because I feel like with... You say no to knife? No, I was going to say strangulation with a plastic bag over the head, maybe a zip tie at the bottom there. You're not going to have as much blood. It's going to be much easier for disposal. I feel like if you're going to strangle with a bag over someone's head, you're also committing

yourself to winning a grappling match. You know? There you go. Your talent's put to good use. Some sort of kujo beforehand i'm not going to approach them straight up i'm not a hero i'm a very cowardly killer don't worry i just thought you'll never see him coming you know they call me that something about a bullet leaves so much forensic evidence behind but i'm pretty confident in my ability to like clean a knife and drop it in a garbage can like it'll it just be gone gone they can't identify

you just have giant scratches in front of your face like well that pretty much does it right there thank you anthony for contributing to the plan i definitely need some sort of facial protection what about a bludgeoning? Because I feel like a bat or something would be real, like if someone saw that in your car they wouldn't think a thing of it. You could really transport it around. There was so much blood everywhere and on those shows they're like, and we discovered on his

shoelace eyelet there was a spot of blood. It's like, if you're bludgeoning someone you're never getting rid of all that blood. You gotta be naked during this attack. Are you going to do it in a parking lot where there's going to be some soupy, grizzly mess left up afterward that you have to spend enough time there to scrub? No. Are you going to do it in the grass?

Where are you going to kudrel or bludgeon someone to death? These are real questions. The only real way is long-range rifle shot at random. And then maybe you might get away with it based on where the bullet came from, how careful you were with the gun and the bullet and the rifling. Like everything comes into play. So even that isn't guaranteed. But at least you're separating yourself from the scene.

You could hide in the back of a car and shoot out through the trunk. You could do that out of the trunk of the car. Yeah, with a removable taillight, hypothetically. Nobody's ever done that. Oh, God. Let's not talk about the DC sniper again. I feel like, for some reason, we talk about him a lot. I feel like there's too many clips

of us talking about Lee Boyd Palpo and talking about how he did it. It's starting to seem like we're really fans of his or something. Kyle, I want to get yours because you're very methodical and shit like this. So you have to be, you have to kill someone within the next 36 hours from this very moment or your entire family is going to be murdered. You have to pick someone and kill them.

Well, that makes it easy, right? Because you can go like find someone so that it would be easy to get away with it. Maybe, maybe like you find some sort of scenario where they're already in a dangerous situation like this guy is like climbing a cliff or he's like uh doing some sort of water sport where like he's out there alone and maybe he if he were he's out fishing by himself if you could go out and find someone all by themselves like out on the ocean maybe you go out on the boat look for other boats and maybe get a guy like that then you're out at ocean no witnesses and for other boats, and maybe get a guy like that. Then you're out at ocean, no witnesses, and you just sink him and maybe

sink his boat too. Push him overboard and drive his boat. We don't have time for you to just be voyeurizing the entire thing. I'm not! I'll be more specific. I go down to Miami. I rent a boat for the weekend. I go out and I wait until I find

some poor person by himself fishing out there drinking too much. Like a pirate. I go pirate. And I would dress as a pirate. That would be hard for me. And I would have half a chub and be masturbating the whole time secretly because I was getting off on this pirate stuff.

More DNA. I got him all over this goddamn boat. That's how they got me. That's how they got me. Had to blow me load. There was a seaman on the starboard side. There was more than one seaman that day. I could have put something in my port.

All right. So, Woody, I want your expert opinion on the Conor McGregor situation. So here's what I've seen from the outside looking in, and I don't follow this shit nearly as much as you do. He was scheduled to fight someone else. I don't know who that was. the connor mcgregor situation so can it here's what i've seen from the outside looking in and i don't follow this shit nearly as much as you do he was scheduled to fight someone else i don't know who that was rda also known as dos anos was was this going to be a good fight were you looking forward to seeing this dose specifically his opponent was that a good matchup something you cared about yeah he was going to do something that had never been done before yeah this guy was the

145 pound champion and without losing that belt he was going up to 155 in mma never been done before. This guy was the 145-pound champion. And without losing that belt, he was going up to 155 in MMA, never been done, and to get that belt too. And the guy who owned that belt has a fighting style that's known as Conor's Kryptonite. Conor's undefeated in the UFC. He had two fights before in his earlier minor league things. But he's undefeated in the UFC. And this guy consistently rolls the dice and will fight flipping anybody. in his earlier minor league things. But he's undefeated in the UFC.

And this guy consistently rolls the dice and will fight flipping anybody. And yeah, I was excited to see him try to get a second belt. I don't know how he was going to pull it off, but he wins every other fight, so maybe. Do you think he's going to get Ronda Rousey? Just the shit kicked out of him real quick? Yes, I think at some point,

everybody will get the shit kicked out of them in the UFC. So, they instead... It's the one. We'll let Kyle continue. So, that individual had an injury, so he wasn't able to fight, and I've seen people point out, you know, they're making the thing,

like, oh, why don't your opponents keep running? But in reality, it seems like Nate Diaz stepping up big for this fight with no training camp, no lead-up time, no nothing, just walking in off the street, basically. And so they're going to fight at 170, which will essentially mean, correct me if I'm wrong, that neither fighter will really need to cut more than, say, three pounds, four pounds, which is nothing in their world.

So I think, and I want to hear what you think about this, that this is a better fight, that Nate Diaz versus McGregor at 170 is going to be a better high-energy fight. And if nothing else, we get to see a different look of these two guys coming in at 170, right? Something we haven't seen before. So it is amazing. So he fought at 145. The next weight class is 155, where he was going to try and take this title. They asked Nate Diaz to fight him at 155.

And Nate's like, no, I can't do it. I don't have enough time. I would need to start losing more weight. So they're like, all right, 160. And Nate's like, no, no, no, I can't do it. And they're like, 165. And they're like, fuck it, 170. Get comfortable.

Eat your steak. Do what you want. I'll fight you. It was basically Conor do what you want. I'll fight you. It was basically Conor's way of saying, I'll fight you at any weight. Conor has gone up not a weight class, but two weight classes to meet Nate Diaz, which is insane. Normally, Conor's the bigger guy. He cuts a lot to make something about him. He's able to cut all the way to his skeleton and make 145.

When I see him up against Nate Diaz, who fights at 55, I don't know if he's fought at 70 before, but I think he has, Nate's much bigger than Conor is, and that concerns me a little bit. But I'm psyched. And here's why I love Conor McGregor. One of my favorite things about this guy. Better yet, when you're an NFL fan, right, if you like football, you are guaranteed to get a Super Bowl. There's going to be a Super Bowl this year. There's going to be a Super Bowl next year.

There's always been Super Bowls in previous years. It's a lock. In MMA, it seems like half the time they get these amazing fights you're really looking forward to, someone pulls out. Someone pulls out because they misbehaved morally. They might pull out because they're hurt. They might pull out because they're injured. Same thing. But it seems like half of the super fights that I really look forward to don't happen. Conor doesn't.

He'll fight. He comes later and you're like, oh, yeah, yeah, I struggled in that fight a little bit. Was missing an ACL, but I still stepped up. Strugg in that fight a little bit. Was missing an ACL, but I still stepped up. Struggled that fight a little bit. That fight was no problem. Yeah, my thumb was fucked. Look at it.

And it's all like twisted and swollen, whatever. Like you don't need a thumb to fight because he's Irish. And Connor always makes his fights. And then a lot of people, like it's just happened in heavyweight. Weirdum was fighting this guy, Kane. Kane Vel Velasquez Kane Velasquez gets hurt great always right someone you're excited about a fight a guy gets hurt so they're like okay well we got a replacement for Kane now weirdo the champ is like well no never mind I only really wanted to fight Kane I'm not gonna switch opponents so he pulls out

to this happens all the time in mma but it happens never with connor mcgregor and if connor says he's going to fight on this date he always does and i love that about him isn't nate diaz the guy he got in trouble for pot uh that's nick diaz you're thinking of his older brother but they're both totally potheads all the time. 24, blaze it, etc. The promo material that the fans are making for this has the Irish shamrock up against the marijuana leaf for UFC 196. Yeah, it's pretty funny. Yeah, I'm looking at...

Is it Saturday night? Is that when it is? It might be a week from then. Okay. Yeah, I'm looking forward to that? It might be a week from then. Okay. Yeah, I'm looking forward to that. That'll be cool. It's super cool. I don't know who's going to win.

I thought Connor was going to... I thought Connor was another league than Diaz. And if they were hypothetically the same size, I might still think that. But Nate's just so much bigger. He's so much longer. And it's going to be a boxing match. If the odds are right,

I might put money on Nate. Oh, man. I don't know. Conor is just an animal. And it might be one of those fights where if you don't bet or if you bet against him afterwards, you go like, why didn't I bet for him? It's obvious he freaking kicked his ass.

I got to go with Conor on this one. Who's got the better chance? Trump or Connor? Ooh. Trump. Ow. They're both so hard. I don't know.

That's a good one, Kyle. Trump might lose in the general. The nation might wake up. It doesn't matter. It's enough of a disgrace if he just is the main guy for the Republican Party, if he wins the nomination. We're gonna build an octagon, we're gonna fight in it. What if he deck plays? Like, what if he gets on stage with Clinton

and the first thing he does is slap her in the face or something? Like, you guys up there, I'm gonna do what your husband should have done a long time ago fucking slaps her one thing shut your fucking hole one thing about trump man it like it so if you go to the donald subreddit which i'm in now you know they're more active than the bernie subreddit like i saw that today yes high energy they're so high energy and then the other thing is they talk about how donalducks everybody, C-U-C-K. And if you don't know what a cuck hold is, I guess it's a guy who likes watching his wife or girlfriend sleep with someone else, right? And it's known to be this submissive, like, well, I guess there's nothing I can do about that kind of vibe to it. Am I on target for all this so far? Well, I guess there's nothing to be done about that over there.

It's also a degradation. Degradation, you know? You're being just degraded, and you're just accepting it. Just terrible. So Donald cucks everybody, and it's hilarious because that might be the second biggest thing they say. There's high energy. Oh, thanks for gilding me.

You guys are high energy. And the other thing they say over there is, like,ald cuck this guy cuck that guy did you see the one with glenn beck i did yeah yeah glenn beck's out there doing like speaking or something and everybody all eyes are on glenn beck you know and then trump walks in and they leave glenn back behind and glenn has to just like like you know kind of look at his shoes and hit the floor and leave this great picture of glenn beck just he's sitting know, kind of look at his shoes and kick the floor and leave. There's this great picture of Glenn Beck. He's sitting there with like a sign in his hand or something doing one of these.

Like, you know, like no one's looking at me anymore. He looked like Jeb Bush being escorted out of the national club. That's what it looked like. They're kicking me out. They're kicking me out. Yeah, it's just like. You walk out in disgrace. That's great.

Glenn Beck is a guy with some gravitas. But Trump has so much more. Embarrassment. They made. Trump. They made other words using cuck too. If you notice, there's things. They're called cuck-mercials. And it's whenever a commercial's on that just makes the husband,

the regular, you know, male, obviously, well, not obviously these days, but male, white dude husband that the wife is just like, oh, this jackass can't do anything right. And he's like, hi, honey, I'm there. And it's a Cuckmercial. Oh, those are the most,

like the guys like tangled in a hefty bag as she walks into the kitchen with her arsenal of groceries and has to give like that knowing sigh. Looks like the cost of me marrying a functional retard is struck again. Can't you figure those goddamn bags out? You goddamn idiot.

Yeah, right. How do tape measures work? And then some guy comes over from, like, Cablevision or Verizon or something and fixes it. And the wife's like, thank you so much. He couldn't do anything. And he's completely cucked in the corner. Oh, he is. Yeah.

The charter guy or the, you know, whatever guy for internet just cucks him. Those are horrible commercials. And it's everything. It's pervasive. Yeah, women are awful. Yeah. What was I going to say? Escalated a bit, but you know.

That's what I was taking from that. I want to see. So when they do these debates, right? Like I personally, because I'm such a special snowflake, I really like to see like the policies debated. But I feel like the reporting after this and the bulk of people look at who kind of like remember when al gore sighed too much right or this guy looked too wooden or they'd criticize the blue shirt versus the red shirt or whether

someone had a power tie on um i feel like when you put donald next to either of those democrats he is gonna cuck the fuck out of them. How many of the Democrats have their own line of ties? There's not a Bernie Sanders one made out of 98% recomposited cardboard. A recycled black child he's wearing. You have to really be into like policy and politics and such to see bernie sanders doing better than trump trump will just the winner is the one who hit the best one-liner the night before and that's going to be trump every debate it will be it's going to be so

great he's going to throw so much nasty unnecessary talk talk at Hillary if it's him versus her on the national stage in that debate. So many passive-aggressive, you-couldn't-please-your-husband comments. That's a guarantee. I would love to, like... You're right. Like, sometimes I like... So here's what I imagine going down. The nature of, like, our modern political system, I feel like,

at least this is late, and I don't really have my finger on the pulse, but the way it feels to me is that it's all about who gets those one-liners in, those quick jabs where the crowd laughs. And if you get enough of those, it's almost like being the best comedian out there. The best comedian out there is Donald Trump. And Hillary Clinton is far from second. Like, do you really think a barrel of laughs when you think of Hillary Clinton? You think of a dried up old blonde cunt who, like, wants to take your rights away and control you.

Really enjoys having you under her thumb. Yeah. Can't even imagine her saying something funny. If she were in Europe, she would certainly be a duchess of some fucknod place or something like that. She's a real cunt. I reserve the right to change my mind. But if I was voting today, I don't know if I'd pick Rubio, Trump, or Bernie. Like, I'm really all over the map.

But I know goddamn well I don't want Hillary. Yeah. I just, her anti-gun rhetoric in itself. I think something about moving here has made me value freedom a little more. Because one of the things is we have well water. So I like I get my own water. We've got our own septic and we have propane for our gas. Like I'm hardly on the grid with the exception of electricity. And we're going solar baby. Yeah right. It's crossed my mind. Like I just want to be back my zombie compound. It's made me kind of change from this village attitude to this don't tread

on me attitude a little bit and uh I just feel like I'm a little more independent and um Hillary like I don't know just stop it stop fucking with my gun rights and what other rights are you after you know damn well she'd support the FBI you know damn well she's into every war that comes along. You know, like she's just – if she was also against mountain climbing and cars with heavy horsepower and fireworks, then that would totally not surprise me at all. You know, like dude, she'd just take away any interesting or fun or potentially dangerous thing you might like. Get your government out of my hair. I don't think any attitude conveyed on her face ever seems like she wants to get involved in the fun more or that she has an interesting quip to add.

She looks like she'd be the person at the party who is yelling for people to settle down and, oh, slow down on that. Don't drink a soda that big. You'll get indigestion or just some nonsense horse shit. Give us the freedom to make our own horrid decisions. Please. Have the government there to maintain the infrastructure, make sure everything works and that's why we pay our

taxes so then we can live our lives in a great place with great infrastructure and do well or fuck up that's supposed to be what it is not you can't do this stop that's dangerous the children are affected by this guns kill people this it's it's ridiculous it was never supposed to be that big of a government oh yeah I know you're in New York and they had something like at least in the last year where maybe even longer than that with the soda sizes.

Yeah. That you couldn't have a big enough, too big of a soda, you know, because that's going to be all hopped up on Mountain Dew. Those kids are so goddamn fat, though. Those kids are so goddamn fat. And I don't think taking the soda away from them is the answer. But I understand where that's coming from because there's so many fat kids, man. Have you seen them? Yes.

The fat kids now are not like, I've seen on Reddit they draw that funny comparison so many fat kids man have you seen them like they're the fat kids now are not like like i've seen on reddit they draw that funny comparison of the fat kids the fat kids from willy wonka you know the from charlie and the chocolate factory back in the 70s or what that kid could make some of the sports teams these days like that they would look to him to be like the center in football or something. He's not the fat kid. He's the big kid. Like nowadays, like kids, there's so much. You know what's fucked up about it?

I know a lot of people that go to the, you know, they go to check out the Knicks or, you know, Rangers, whatever. Go to Madison Square Garden or the Barclays Center over here in Brooklyn. And you go to get a drink, a soda, and you come back to your seat with this little fucking cup of soda. And it's horribly inconvenient. And it's like, look, I can restrain myself. I can get a big soda and not finish it and run back for another one. I just don't want to keep getting up and down. Why does the government then have to tell me that, no, we don't trust you to make a wise decision because that guy can't or that guy can't it's like no that shouldn't bother me that shouldn't

uh infringe on how i want to lead my life yeah i think we all lean uh more libertarian around here we all share that share that feeling and those ideals it's it's it's really about just being left alone problem that you brought up, that's a real problem. I don't know what the correct solution is. We're not that much older than kids growing up right now, but I know that the really, really fat kid in my

class growing up was like, I don't know, he wasn't debilitatingly fat, where it was like, oh my god, look at that kid. He was just really fat. He could still play sports poorly and get made fun of. But i was with a friend of mine and we were driving uh just like a month month and a half ago and he had to pick up his uh sister from school and we went by there and she's a normal size girl but some of her classmates it wasn't even like man that he's gonna grow into his face or like look at at that. He's plumping up before he shoots up,

like my mom used to say or whatever. It was no just like, that's upsetting. That's an upsettingly fat child for a six-year-old. Like, that kid's going to have weird stretch mark lines around muscles that haven't even developed yet. Like, he's going to look like a freak for a long time. But doesn't he have a parent? Doesn't he have a goddamn parent that wants to take responsibility for a child's health and all that.

Like that's who's supposed to be making sure your kid ain't fat. But they don't. So what do you do? Do you just allow it to happen? I mean it borders upon child abuse. I feel like maybe something needs to be done at school. Maybe it's physical education. I think education is probably in order.

Health and fitness would be good. but... You know, everyone talks about how education is needed for the... But here's the problem with people being overweight. You can't say that it's a problem these days. You can't look at a kid and go, hey, you know, we need more education to teach children to not be fat, you know, because then somebody goes, well, we're all beautiful in our own way, and Sports Illustrated is putting in fat girls this year. Yeah, fat amputees. We're accepting not only horrid health, but horrid behavior. I like the amputees.

I usually have to get a different magazine for that. Yeah. I saw the Sports Illustrated cover sports illustrated cover and you know of course she's beautiful and everything she's still in the cover of si pretty in the face she's pretty in the face i i was like you only lost some weight yeah like i was like i i this is not meeting the expectation for an si cover yeah if only she was different in the one way that makes her not a viable option for this cover. Yeah. If it's that one little thing, we're different, you know?

I don't know. We need more fat shaming. That's how I get myself out of it. I love fat shaming. It took my subreddit away. On every school, on the top, they should put a sticker on the top of the mirrors in the bathroom that says, look at what you've done. I think they should make the

mirrors. It makes you wash your hands with your shirt off in there, so then you have to look there as you're kind of bent over at that very unflattering angle. Look at what I've done. The mirrors should be too narrow for a fat person to be able to properly see themselves. Oh, that's good.

The stall should be too narrow for a fat person to be able to properly see themselves. Oh, that's good. The stall doors should be too narrow for a fat person to enter them. Have you ever been to like... They should just put a hole in the floor over there and just spray paint on the floor fat people use. And they can just shit in the hole. No, there's the people bathroom and then there's just like a three foot gap of dirt and hay. And then it's just the animal section. Just for animals to roll around in their own film.

Use a pitchfork to clean up the mess. Yeah. That's part of the P.E. for the little kids. That's how you break the cycle. You make the little kids clean out the stalls of the big kids. Or you just parade them through the stall like scared straight.

Can we get somebody in a bell going shame. stalls of the big kids. Or you just parade them through the stall like scared straight. Ooh, I like that. Can we get somebody in a bell going shame? Shame. You walk them naked through the halls of their school. Oh, let's start our own private school. I like to think my participation in this show ended my potential political career.

Yeah. At some point, we should get the PKA tattoos, right? Forehead, right? Years ago, it used to be for health reasons or not for health reasons. Now, people are more health conscious and that's kind of what they try to

put upon people to lose weight to be healthy. Years ago, it was fat shaming. Like a kid would be absolutely bullied to hell for being fat. And that was your deterrent to getting fat. You didn't want to be shamed or bullied. And now I don't think health reason is that effective. Yeah, for a child, health isn't that effective.

What are you talking about? My sodium is too high? Fuck off. I i don't care i don't know what sodium is i'm eight like no but they know that they're called a butterball and that they get picked last for kickball every day you know maybe the pounds start to fall off yeah no or maybe they pile on and just lifelong depression ensues and you know my 600 pound life yeah my 600 that show is enraging dude when they are scrubbing their fat rolls with the toilet brush i see them that they're and they don't even have to pixelate naked fat people bodies because everything's covered by just more fat yeah completely naked fat people it's someone who's normal size and you're looking like right up their skirt

you're gonna go but then you'll see this big fat mammoth sitting there with legs just kind of splayed out like a toddler's because there's so much there's nothing holding them together and you look right up their legs and it's like there's nothing blurred there because it's just a wet crease of... Dude, so we were watching belly button fucking videos on this show, and then accidentally, like, the thumbnail gets shown? There's nothing, like, bad about it. Like, you can't see any channel.

Just think about it, Nancy. If you've got a chick who's 400 pounds, her belly button's, like like 6 or 7 inches deep. Right? Yeah, it's tight as fuck. And you can't get that belly button pregnant. But then we started discussing the awful STDs you might get

from a belly button fuck. I don't know. It's a crap shoot. I think you could get a yeast infection from her belly button. I think you could grow some sort of mutant race of belly button people in there. God knows what could happen with all the torpedo dust in there and shit. I picture something coming out after your dick like that thing that came out of the Millennium Falcon. Yeah.

Big space worm. Well, of course, we brought it back to belly button fucking. I was hoping. Don't wait until it comes back to bellybuttonfucking. That was a really... The whole first half of that video, it's like a surreal experience. Almost like you'd see it in an art show where you're wondering what's happening,

like, why, what happened in this person's life. If you don't think I'm going to that the second we're done with this show... Enjoy. Make sure you find the fat chick because the skinny chick's belly button is a snuff film. You don't want to see that. Yeah, I don't think so. I didn't even see it.

It looks like there's internal damage occurring. Maybe you can't say. Maybe you should just say what's the largest woman you would have sex with. But my question originally was what's the largest woman you have had sex with. So would have sex with. Yes question originally was what's the largest woman you have had sex with so would have sex with yes that's the way how tall you tell me motherfucker what are you talking about like six four six no i'm kidding um i don't know probably mid 100s high 100s. Really? That's, like, basic. That's just a...

So you're just talking about a girl with a little bit of a belly and a paunch and big thighs. Once you get to, like, 200, that's almost more like a mental hurdle of, like, wow, this is a big... Like, a guy who weighs 200 pounds is either probably a little overweight

or he's pretty tall or he's in good shape. A girl who's 200 pounds, very rarely is she just really tall or really ripped. Back to the Sports Illustrated fat model, I'm sure she weighs maybe the same or

more than a regular girl that would look terrible with that weight on her. Yeah, that's a very good point. You'd do her because she's kind of proportioned for a big fat girl yeah if you do a google image search on 190 pound woman they're not good like they're not good they're not yeah i don't know i um there was that there was that fat fan that showed up to my hotel room that

time that that um um serviced me if you will and she was a big fucking girl i was shocked it was i'll tell you this anthony because because you don't know it but like she starts starts messaging me uh as i'm i'm going to florida and this girl starts messaging me and um she sends me some pictures of herself and they're they're it wasn't the old myspace angle where they're like looking up at the camera it wasn wasn't that. One of the angles was she's lying on her back on the beach and the camera is sort of on her stomach facing back so you can see her boobs

in her face. All the angles she sent made her look petite and with really big boobs. And so in my head, I'm picturing a woman who at the most weighs 135 pounds. Right? Like, not to say that 140 would be some fatty or anything but i'm just saying this from what i've seen 135 pounds five foot six that's who's coming to my

room right now so i'm looking i'm on the third floor and i'm looking out the window as she's like pulling into the drive and everything i'm like are you here she's like yeah yeah she's like i'm walking up now and i'm like and i'm like oh my god repair a repair truck. There's a bald guy. There's a huge fucking fat whale of a chick. I don't see you. What are you wearing? It's just red shoes, and I've got blonde hair, and I'm wearing this. And I'm just, big fat chick with red shoes and blonde hair. No, it's not.

I don't fucking. It's this huge fat chick. And there's no stopping her because I've already given her. Oh, no. And for a second, for a split second, I was like, abandon the room. Just abandon the room. There wasn't enough time. By the time I got –

Should have called the police. I should have called the police. Fire and leave. A big fat woman has stolen my date's clothes. By the time I came up with the plan of abandoning the room, got somewhat dressed, and then started hustling toward the door like Dressing like there was a knock at the door and it and she was there and she was so big she was so I did not fuck her I refused really even out of courtesy you didn't know that's almost rude. She drove there. Yeah

There she was issues from that town. Did you give her gas? So what'd you do just like take her out for some antizers and fries? Yeah, be like you know what I can't fuck you but here's a dollar 99 for a gallon to get home take an old country buffet the polite thing on me and then she wanted to like hang out and do some other stuff and i was like no i'm gonna take a nap and then i gotta go do another thing and then we'll go to dinner and then um she left and And then she's messaging me like, when are we going to dinner? When are we going to dinner? I'm like, well, we're not going to dinner.

And she's like, well, why not? I was like, you know why. You know why. You've had your fill. I said, you know why we're not going to dinner. You misrepresented yourself. And I was too polite to say anything. And she lost her shit.

She didn't think I was being very polite. But I was just straight up with you. If you misrepresent yourself, I didn't send you a picture of some 12-inch black dick, did I? No, I sent you eight inches of my dick. And that's what you're talking about. I didn't misrepresent myself, but you did. You hid 200 pounds of you.

So that's it. You know what you should have done is you should have made a romantic date, like taken her to a petting zoo let her out, say you're going to park the car and then leave Leave her at a zoo No, that's cruel See, that's just cruel

Wait, would you leave her at White Castle? Oh, get her to White Castle Your kingdom, madame She'd fit right in with the animals or something You know What the hell is She'd fit right in with the animals or something. You know, what the hell is – oh, God, I got a mental block. Dating. Tinder.

Yeah, Tinder. There was an article about girls and guys on Tinder that are handicapped but don't put their handicap on there. Like a girl is in a wheelchair and she doesn't – she knows people just won't swipe her way if she shows the wheelchair so it's just her face and she's pretty and everything. Like would you be upset if she kind of rolls up to the door? Is that misrepresenting or – Yeah, so I don't have that exact experience but I did have an experience once where I was going to be introduced with someone in a business relationship. And it was kind of an important meeting. I needed to be friends with this guy, and it was important that he recognized that I was a stand-up guy so that we could move on and do business together. No one told me that instead of a right hand, this man had a flipper.

Oh, God, yeah. I have no problem with this man and his flipper hand. He did so many things wonderfully with his flipper hand. He could shoot, he could drive, he could do everything you needed to do. He probably masturbated with it in some interesting way. I don't know. It probably came in handy. Flipper fucking on the next PKA. Yeah.

I felt like what he had would be an excellent G-spot stimulator. I didn't envy the guy, but on the other hand, I could see some pluses to his flipper appendage. But nobody told me or warned me, so I'm introduced to this fellow, and it's like, hey, and I shook his flipper, and I didn't flinch a bit. But in my head, I was thinking, what if I wasn't as cool and calm and collected as I'm being right now, shaking this man's flipper? What if I was like, ah, ah, flipper! Oh, wow, yeah.

Take one! Take two! Ah! Like, what if I lost my shit or something? I feel like, just out of common courtesy, it'd be nice to know that sort of thing. Like, you know. Or that you didn't slip up. Where he's like, how you doing today, Kyle?

And you're like, Finn, fine, fine. I'm doing fine. I think if a girl wheels up in a wheelchair,, like if you're going out on your first date, you'd kind of be – I would absolutely go out and see if she was cool and everything like that. I think if you don't, you really are just looking to fuck that night. If she's paralyzed from the waist down or is there something else that's keeping her? I'd like her to have feelings. What else would be in there? Either paralyzed, a broken bone or is she just bad at walking?

Yeah, it could be that. And what I'm getting at is this vagina work. Can she feel pleasure down there? Because I know some guys, when they're paralyzed from the waist down, their dick doesn't work anymore. So I want a woman who's fully functional. I wouldn't have a problem with a wheelchair. I'd like to know it up front.

And I would feel like, you know, it – You could always just start by initiating, like, oh, on our date, we're going to go on a short hike, or we're going to go say something physical, so then it would have to be brought up. Oh, that's good. That's good. You wouldn't happen to be a paralytic, would you? No? Where would you like to go? I'm like, well, first we're going to stop by the clinic, you know. I like to do that first, you know. I you like to go i'm like well first we're gonna stop by the clinic you know i like to do that first you know i would like to elevate when you brought up the fact that you

want to know if she's paralyzed nerve wise or muscle wise so if she could feel it because i but think about this if she can't feel anything you could just you don't have to work at all you just down there like this, like, oh yeah, I'm going down on you. Oh, you're because she doesn't know. Play an angry bird. Or you could just be

really like crazy down there and do all kinds of weird shit because you can't feel it anyway. You can just do this. One of those opportunities into suddenly now it's a great day at Six Flags. Front of the line. Over and over and over. Put that in your Tinder requirement. I prefer women with non-working legs because I like theme parks.

Wow. That's pretty nice. Pussy and old fat. Yeah. Put tonic Tinder for people who want to skip in line. That's perfect. They make that. That's a thing.

That's a thing. I've read about that or heard about that. I swear to God, that is a thing where you can hire a handicapped person to come to the theme park with you to get to the front of the lines. That is absolutely a thing. Do you get to pick out of a lineup? I don't know anything about that. I didn't look into it.

It was during the time when I was researching my tilk business and trying to get all that rich titty milk. Well, what if you get like Grumpy Gary and he's at the front of the line with you just, I have written this so many times, I don't even want to write it. I must. It's the only work I have.

And you know what I was thinking? I was thinking maybe for a little extra income during the summers, maybe I would pretend like I was handicapped and have people pay me to get them to the front of the line. So that way I get paid to be there, front of the line, and I get paid to do the whole thing. Ooh, stairs the limit. And Kitty's got an extra wheelchair.

I can hop right in that thing. I'm pretty good at it. You get caught with a wheelchair when you don't need a wheelchair oh i get mad at the people that you know like around disney they're at disney on the little rascals and and whatnot and you know they're just doing it because they're fat it's like walk around epcot you pig and you kind of get mad at them would you rather they call it a rascal like because a rascal someone who's running around doing little mischievous things.

Oh, you never know where she's going to be on her rascal. At least within 30 feet of the closest fried dough stand. But other than that, masquerading around that rascal. Would you rather get caught masquerading as a handicapped person in a wheelchair and using those benefits, or

would you think it's worse, rather, to be caught as someone who's stealing valor, pretending to be a veteran of a foreign war. Stealing valor is worse to me. Wearing medals. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's rough, right? Whenever I see those guys, we were dealing with a,

I won't say which one, but we were dealing with a firearms-related company, and one of the things at that company is that everybody there is a veteran. And it turned out that one of the guys wasn't after a long period of working there, and there was a big falling out. They fired his ass, and there was a whole thing. Yeah. And then I often see there's a YouTube channel,

and his whole thing is exposing these guys who are out there pretending to be fake Navy SEALs, fake whatever, and telling big tall tales about killing people and being a commando across the world and all this. I have no business saying who is and isn't a SEAL. And this guy will show up at your

place of business or wherever you spread your bullshit and lies with proof. He's got the BUDS class that you supposedly went to. He's got the registration for it. In one case, the guy was in Bud's class of 93. I'm just making this up. He looks over at his friend, the guy whose job it is to expose these people. He goes, you were in Bud's class in 93, weren't you, Jeff?

Jeff's like, mm-hmm. You remember this motherfucker? Jeff's like, uh-uh. They just shame these people. It's really good. You remember this motherfucker? Just like, uh-uh! Oh, no. They just shame these people, and it's really good. The video's a bit too long. I think it's only worse in the original question of Valor versus pretending to be handicapped. It's on a gradient, though.

If you just say, like, oh, yeah, I'm a soldier, or I was in the Army for a year or something, I don't think that's as bad as rolling around being handicapped but if you're like making up stories of like yeah and then i stormed the field and i was actually a special agent you know i was in the marines or i was this and that that's definitely worse yeah i was a frog man okay jesse yeah He's a maniac. We've all pulled into the handicapped spot at some point or another. You never use the handicapped spot. I got placard. Nope.

Not unless I was handy. When my wife was pregnant, we used the pregnant woman spot at the grocery store. No, no. I've never even seen one here. Oh, no. There's expectant mothers and recent mothers parking in the grocery stores sometimes. That would be funny having one of those at Planned Parenthood. Oh, Jesus.

Expect the entire thing, expectant mothers. Well, shit, no parking here for us, son. No, I never park. Even when the parking lot is empty, empty. I'll go to Cisco on a weekend and there's like 600 open spots and the first 75 are handicapped i still park past all the handicaps yeah i'm a good guy i i've got handicap placards so when i got kitty in the car i'll i'll park in them and everything but uh but no i would i don't get my shit towed i don't want to pay some fine or something like that you need to seriously reduce the amount of handicap

parking spaces out there as a whole because i think they need to add more. I think they need to add obese parking spots. That's the last thing they need. No, you're wrong about this because they put them at the very end of the fucking parking lot. They're out by the highway, motherfucker. You're going for a hike before you get into

McDonald's. They're draining their rascal battery and then they're just going to be sitting there plugged in at the front of the Walmart waiting. Now they're trading their rascal battery. And then they're just going to be sitting there plugged in at the front of the Walmart waiting. They have one of those like airport like treadmills, but they go backwards so they have to run to get to the plane. Yeah.

I think there's a lot of things we could do like that and sort of socially engineer our society. I think, you know, the idea of putting them way out there and making them really hike on in. You step on an elevator or an escalator and you're past a certain weight that it can tell that you're not immobile and that you should be able to walk. It just stops. And everybody else on the escalator turns around and goes, oh, look at that marginally fat fuck. He can walk up the stairs if he wants to.

And then he has to get off and shame and shuffle up the stairs. I love the shaming society it's it's one of my favorite motivators you know i i don't know if it's time for a topic switch but you've just been writing in the on the side here that trump is getting his ass kicked in a debate tonight rubio's cucking him and i watched him and he is do you want to see him together let's watch number one i am cute queued at zero. Okay, you're a little ahead of me. I did it on my Mac, so I didn't disturb it.

Is this going to become a thing that people say? As long as they don't cringe. Oh, yeah, as long as they don't cringe. All right. Now, on the first one, I'll warn listeners. I'm going to queue up at zero here, that some of the zinger happens in the first second or two. So you've got to get your ears ready. Ready, set, play.

If he builds the wall the way he built Trump Towers, he'll be using illegal immigrant labor to do it. Anthony, it's playing for you. Can you turn it down? Oh, sorry. It's not a soundbite. No, it's not a soundbite. It's a fact. Again, go online and Google it.

Donald Trump, Polish workers. You'll see it. The second thing about the trade war, I don't understand because your ties and the clothes you make is made in Mexico and in China. So you're going to be starting a trade war against your own ties and your own suits. That's right. All right. You know what? Why don't you make them in America?

They devalue their currency. They devalue their currency. They make them in America. They make them in America. Well, you don't know anything about business. You don't know anything about business. Make him in America? They devalue their courage. They make him in America. They make him in America. Well, you don't know a thing about business. You want to make him in America. Make him in America. It's been done before.

Well, let's see. You want to watch the second one? I'll do it. Not so much. Can I comment on that for a second? Yeah, please. When people bash Trump over making his ties and stuff in other countries, and they say, why don't you make it in America? His whole point is you guys have fucked this system up so bad with making things in the United States, making it so it's too expensive.

The labor is too expensive. It's to tax too much that you force a businessman that wants to make a profit to have to go out of the country. Even Donald Trump, why would he make stuff in the U.S. and go broke instead of sending it out like everyone else does? His whole like what he's saying, God knows if he'd ever do it or not, is let's make it profitable to make things in this country again. So it's not really like, oh, look, you're making it overseas. Well, yeah, because we can't make it here anymore. Yeah, it doesn't seem like a fair accusation when the career politicians are like, I made all of my money through the tax dollars of my compatriots. Meanwhile, you, the person

who's made a life for yourself, I don't like how you were forced to move it overseas to make money. who's made a life for yourself, I don't like how you were forced to move it overseas, you know, to make money. It's not that cut and dry, but it is not a fair accusation coming from a career politician. Are you guys ready for the next one? Yes. Alright, let's queue up. Anthony, can you turn down a little more? I don't know if you'll still be able to hear it. Yeah, I'll do that. I'm sorry. Okay, I'm queued up at zero when you guys are ready. I'm good. Ready at zero when you guys are ready. I'm good. Ready, set, play.

There's a guy that inherited $200 million. If he hadn't inherited $200 million, you know where Donald Trump would be right now? Selling watches in Manhattan. Trump is mad. That is so wrong. We'll work on that. I took $1 million and I turned it into $10 billion. I borrowed $1 million and I turned it into $10 billion. I borrowed $1 million.

I borrowed $1 million. I turned it into $10 billion. More than $10 billion. Thank you. I want to break. Yeah, the $10 billion thing is said to be bullshit. He's worth like $4.7 billion, which is pretty good. Is that all?

Yeah, right? You bum. Yeah, I like that. He was given money from his dad. Wasn't he given like a million dollars or something like that? Yeah, so I don't know where the truth is. He says he borrowed a million dollars from his father or was given a million.

I forget which is which. And he turned that into $10 billion. That's the story. This inherited $200 million thing, I'm guessing it's true, but he was already rich by then that's how i make sense of it all i don't know or sometimes this stuff is just fully untrue so i guess you you know if your your family uh is wealthy and they offered you money you go no no i am not taking that i will send that in to bernie he knows what to do with it

you want to watch the third one? Yeah I thought he was going to be getting totally dominated more than this I'm queued up at zero You guys ready? Ready, set, play. Our workers lose their jobs. And so you make them in China and in Russia. But you wouldn't know anything about it because you're a lousy business man.

Well, I don't know anything about bankrupting four companies. You bankrupted four companies. I don't know anything about it. He's like screeching on them every clip. That was a fake university. First of all, one at a time. A fake university. That's called, I'll give you.

There are people that borrow $36,000 to go to Trump University and they're suing him now. $36,000 to go to a university. And they're suing him now. $36,000 to go to a university. That's a fake school. And you know what they got? They got to take a picture with a cardboard cutout of Donald Trump. That's what they got for the $36,000. They actually did a very good job.

It was an outstanding cutout. They actually did a very good job. That cutout was totally lifelike. CNN's lost complete control of their debate. Either they lost complete control, like you said, or this format's a little different, and they're allowed to yell at each other and see what's what. Well, Rubio obviously knows he's got to go in there and start really, really mixing it up. He's trying to out-Trump Trump.

I don't know how it comes across you know when trump starts fighting like that you're like oh that's trump when rubio starts doing it it almost looks a little desperate like i'm gonna jump in there now and really start fighting like well where was this rubio you know months ago i feel like jeb bush beat him better you know as much as trump cucked jeb jeb outwwitted Rubio, right? When Rubio attacked Jeb, he's like, look, someone told you that attacking me was going to help you. I can see this calculated nonsense. I've been around the block before. And Rubio just looked like, yeah, actually, they did tell me to say this. And that's how it went down. When Rubio yells at Trump,

Trump gets upset. Like, no, that's not true. I did the million, I swear. You know, I'm a self-made man, right? Like Trump looked like he hurt his feelings. You know, like Rubio hurt Trump's feelings, which is not what I expect from him. I don't think anyone has any delusions as to where Trump got his money, how he made it,

how much of it he has. Like, you know, he's got billions of dollars. And are we supposed to think he was out chopping wood to make it early in his life? We all know this. So what is Rubio actually thinking he's exposing here? Yeah, they didn't expose anything to me. Like, yeah, you know how to bankrupt four businesses. You know, we covered that a million times.

That doesn't surprise me at all. And my thing like i i feel like whenever they bring that line out he should be like i own 187 businesses that do the math how how often do my businesses go under compared to the national average how many businesses do you have what's your percentage how many people do you employ how many hispanic people do you employ that work in his hotels and golf courses? That would have been a good comeback if Trump had said, I employ more illegals than you employ non-illegals. Have you ever heard housekeeping, housekeeping? That's me. Yeah, I really – it's been an exciting political season with all the mudslinging, and it's just, it seems different.

It seems different than anything I've ever seen. Yeah, it's just revving up. It's getting to the good part now, I feel like. It's what we've been waiting for this whole time. So we'll see what happens Tuesday. That was some biting stuff, I suppose, but we'll see how that plays in those states. The most fun thing to do in the midst of all this political stuff, I know Woody goes on Reddit a lot, is to go to the political Reddits

and then see, because they're very pro-Sanders over there, and just see the mini bombs of disappointment that are starting to drop, where it's like you go a couple months ago and it's like, we're taking these cities and we're taking these states. Use this phone bank and make this old man money. And now it's like, well, you know, we can't let up.

I know a lot of you are saying that, you know, it's a lost cause, but we can't let up. But in the next few weeks, in the next month, it's going to be a huge amount of backtracking and sudden Hillary support. And they brag about the smallest of accomplishments with their campaign. They're like, oh, a state senator somewhere changed it up. with their campaign. They're like, oh, a state senator somewhere changed it up. You remember how the office used to make fun of the fact that Angela dated a state senator constantly because it's such a kind of a willy-nilly,

like low-power position in the grand scheme of things? Oh, look at this poll on techdestruction.com next to the newest Call of Duty. It says that 89% of gamers are voting for Bernie. And it's like, yeah, you're destroying all these online... Fortunately, only 3% of gamers make it to the polls. It's me. So who gives a fuck?

That's what they should do if the politicians are smart for this new generation. They just, like, buy out Bethesda and make it so a new Fallout or Skyrim drops every voting day. Destroy the youth vote. I wouldn't vote. I don't vote, but I would if a new Fallout or Skyrim drops every voting day. Destroy the youth vote. I wouldn't vote. I don't vote, but I would if a new Skyrim came out, you know? No, you make Donald Trump, like, the main, like, good guy in your video game, and that way you indoctrinate everybody with, you know. He's your paladin.

Exactly. I actually have an image of him here that I had rendered for a video game that I'm having made, of course. Of course. He looks like a magic card. Yes! I want to play that card. It's the Trump card.

Wrath of God. Oh, speaking of the golden god, it made me think of that. Did you see the new episode of It's Always Sunny? I did. I did watch the new one. What did you think? I i like that i like the leprechaun shit i thought that was pretty fun i'm not that's the only episode i haven't seen and i feel like always sunny is not on the level of the other shows that we talk about like we talk about game of thrones we talked about breaking bad at its peak. Back when it was exciting and cool.

Walking Dead. And then we also bring up How I Met Your Mother. What is this oddball doing here? It's almost the difference between drama and comedy. It's definitely a comedy. The production value is not there. What turns me on to it so much is

the overarching story plots, you know, all the little intrinsic details that you need to know to enjoy this latest season. If you watch the McPoyle trial, and you haven't watched, like, eight other episodes, then you won't know why the McPoyle's using healing milk for someone's pink eye is funny. You won't know

why the Ponderosa chick looks like a cat now. You won't know why Dennis is paying alimony to her at all. So I like that into it, which I'm sure makes it hard for new viewers to get into. But I don't know. I really enjoyed their off-brand of humor. It's what I like, that dark humor and the quirkiness of it. They've made themselves too niche almost now by relying so much

on inside jokes from the series. I don't like that nearly as much. They've done that way more this season it's almost like they're saying you know well we're on season fucking 11 of this we're not really going to get any new fans based on this season i've seen every season and i miss a lot of these jokes like a lot of the ones kyle just mentioned i haven't seen and i follow some other ones like oh i just want to see cricket again you know like where that poor guys ended up but yeah um i I watch the show incessantly. Like I talk sometimes about, oh, yeah, I've seen The Office three times every episode.

And I've seen The Wire two times every episode. But when it comes to it, it's always sunny in Philadelphia. I've literally seen every episode a minimum of four times. And there's some of them I've seen a dozen times. This is a show when it's 11th season. The early seasons, I've seen all of them like 10 times i guarantee it because i love that show when it first came out that's how i've been when a new episode comes out about what anthony twice seinfeld i just like i know every episode oh more times than i could very good acting i have to real

quick interject this uh it was this o andNA old clip I was listening to on YouTube, and it was Jimmy doesn't watch Seinfeld. And you were describing stories from your life, and then you would weave it into a Seinfeld episode? Yeah, I would completely tell Jimmy, just completely straight face, tell him this story that is just a complete Seinfeld episode. And he'd be going, get out of here. He did that.

I'm like, yeah. And then, you know, my girl came with me. And he had no clue that it was just a total Seinfeld episode. You did the one where you were like, yeah, and I called this pizza place. And they wouldn't deliver to me because I was one street over. So I had to pretend to live on the other side of the street. Why didn't they just take it to tell me about it? I don't know, Jim.

You got him so many times on that, I loved it. Chinese restaurant where they wouldn't give us a table. Whatever comes up. That's great. I like that. That's a show I need to watch again. I'm due for a rewatch of Seinfeld. When they put it on Hulu, it just wiped out.

I think TBS was playing him twice a day or four times a day or something. And then it went up on Hulu and you saw it just drop off of regular television because people could watch them whenever they want, which I just love, man. I can't stand the thought of watching anything when it's on, having to be there and watch it at a certain time. Yeah, it feels archaic. It is, yeah. I used to be excited. It used to be like the watch it at a certain time. Yeah, it feels archaic. It is, yeah. I used to be excited.

It used to be like the first season of Heroes, and I even liked the second one no one else did. But it'd be like, oh, it's Tuesday. Like one of the good things about Tuesday is Heroes is on. And I'd just come home from work and think like, ah, you know what? What's in store for tonight? Now that doesn't exist at all.

The only show that I still do that with is Game of Thrones because you have to. Well, you could tell how good a show is by how quickly you have to watch it. You can't wait because people are going to blow it for you. Oh, yeah. If you go on Twitter or anything. So there are shows, though, that you just don't care about. You're like, yeah, DVR, or I'll just get it on demand or something. And, you know, no one even talks about them, so you don't care.

Have you seen Deadpool? No, I have not seen Deadpool yet. I'm going this weekend. It was very good. I thought it was really good. It's one of my favorite Marvel movies ever now. I think it's really good. It's raunchy.

It's dirty. There's tits. There's pussy. There's full pussy. I saw a vagina in a Marvel movie. I thought that was a lady at best. You make it seem like this thing was front and center. I missed it.

I was in IMAX. That pussy, like I said, size of a Buick. I couldn't miss that. You saw the little dimplings on it when you pull fresh chicken out of the package. Totally. I could see the pussy lips. I could see the cleft. I could see the pubic hair the pussy lips I could see the cleft I could see like I could see you know the pubic hair she had it she had like a landing strip I like to think the Kyle has average vision unless there's a

pussy on the screen at which point he hits like a superpower that develops Hawkeye like abilities that's all you can do though, is just really discern detail and pussy close up. We were at this place. Oh, that woman over there. Find a Cinnabon. Is she in trouble? No, no, no. She's a very droopy lady. I just thought everyone should know.

He's just able to diagnose camel toes through G. Don't sit down. There's a snail trail in that seat. Get that for you. I was at a SWAT team roundup one time, and they had lots of cutting-edge SWAT team gear, and one of them was a thermal scope, and my buddy hands it to me,

and you can look around, and you can see the fake tits versus the real tits, and you can see their boobs through their clothes in pretty good definition using the optic he gave me. And I'm just like, holy shit, because there's lots of booth babes at this thing. There's lots of fake tits and big tits in general to look at, and I'm just like, holy shit, because there's lots of booth babes at this thing. You know, there's lots of fake tits and big tits in general to look at. And I'm just like, how much?

How much? How much, man? And in my head, I'm thinking, like, this is $3,000, and I'm willing to plunk that down for, like, a titty x-ray machine, right? He's like, oh, $45,000 with this and that, $48,000. You know, we could probably put a package together in for $50,000. And I'm just like, what the hell? What is this? But yeah, those thermal optics are incredibly expensive, but very useful

for the well-to-do pervert out there. Now I gotta try that. What's it look like when there's just a big bag of silicone in there? It's hard to explain. You're really just kind of seeing an outline. It's the temperature deviation because the silicone isn't the same temperature

as the surrounding flesh. And so that's what you're queuing in on. What is it? There's like a $500 unit that goes on your iPhone, right? Yeah, like $300 now. Oh, $300? Oh, the price is down. Those are okay. You're definitely going to be able to see a person in the dark

and everything. Oh, I'm in. I'll check that out. Do you want to watch any of these chit clips that Chiz is sending, supposedly, of Trump having a tough time? Chiz is all over this Trump vs. Rubio story. He's very excited about it. He's watching the debate.

He's very into it. I watched the first one. It's pretty good. Do you want to see more? Is he getting trashed in all these or um basically i feel like rubio's standing up to him and holding his own it's about his health care plans the second one i think is the payoff let's watch him i think we're i think at this point probably people are curious uh which one are we watching the first and then the second i haven't seen the second i'm cute on the first i'm good to go on the first all right so what they're talking about is removing lines around the states which

means health care across state lines ready set play so your only thing is to get rid of the lines around the states what else is part of your health care lines around the states that's your only almost done no no all right that brings it to mind excuse, no. That brings in competition. When you get rid of the lines, it brings in competition. So instead of having one insurance company taking care of New York or Texas, you'll have many. They'll compete, and it'll be a beautiful thing. Well, that sounded good.

I guess the next question. Let me explain it real quick, just for people who maybe don't have any background in this. There's two lines of thoughts in this health insurance thing. Some people say health insurance shouldn't be limited to companies that operate in your state. There are rules for New York, rules for New Jersey, rules for North Carolina and California, etc. And you kind of have to buy health insurance from your own state. The upside, the downside of that is that they don't have to

compete with each other in the same way. If you remove the lines between the states like they're talking about, then of course every health insurance is going to rush to the same state with the very lowest standards and operating costs. I would start a health insurance, I sound like a dick, but health insurance companies would migrate to the state that lets them fuck over their customers the hardest. Right? So that's their plan. That's their plan.

If you remove the lines, on one hand, you increase competition and they all have to battle each other. On the other hand, they all move to the state with the lowest standards. So take your pick on what you – I don't know what the right answer is, but that's the two sides of the argument. I'm good to go on clip two. All right. I am good as well. So I don't know know this one but i think it's related to the first all right ready set play so that's the only part of the plan just the lines the interstate the nice part about the you'll have many different plans you'll have competition

you'll have so many different plans but now he's repeating himself no i'm not repeating no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no twice. I watched him repeat himself five times four weeks ago. It was a meltdown. I watched him. I watched him. I think we're seeing he's not beating Trump here. He's just kind of being nasty

to Trump. And the problem is that what Trump's been pointing out for a while is that that audience is pretty stacked against him. Because even if those people were kind of middle of the road and they didn't really care too much, they wouldn't be screaming. Do you hear how hyped up that crowd is for a little bit of Trump hate? Dude, there's a slanted playing field here. Rubio is cucking the fuck out of him. Rubio is cucking the fuck out of him. Rubio is cucking the fuck out of Trump. That's what's happening right here. The audience is going wild for Rubio.

If the audience liked Trump, we'd all be like, yeah, Trump's really good at this. But no, the audience likes Rubio. And it's clear. Trump says, I don't repeat myself. I don't repeat myself. No, no, no. I'm not the guy that repeats himself. Motherfucker, are you listening to yourself?

You said that three times. He's trying to talk over the crowd they're screaming at and he's trying to talk over Rubio but he can't seem to and I don't know how it is that in these debate things that happen but it seems like Trump keeps allowing himself to get beaten down by Rubio Rubio wants to make a point and it's heard Trump makes to make a point and he needs to keep starting over on that point and starting over on his point instead of finishing his sentence. And I think the truth is Rubio's kind of onto something. I haven't heard Trump elaborate on the other parts of his healthcare plan. I think it's just remove the lines, have competition, it'll be a beautiful thing. Which is a fair criticism of a lot of Trump's

plans. They're not deep and well thought out. He exists on the power of personality. Anthony, we don't have your audio. Uh-oh. It sounds like he hears me. So what I would do, if you're in Skype, go to Tools, Options, and then Audio Settings. And then in the pull-down under Microphone, make sure it's the right one there.

I don't know which is the... Tools, Options, Audio Settings, and then kind of top center. He might be on a Mac. Are you on a Mac? Yeah. Looks like a yeah. I got a Mac here. Hang on a mac if you're are you on a mac yeah all right looks like yeah i got a mac here let me hang on a second um skype preferences oh wait i hear you i hear you oh i can hear my headphones and um all of a sudden the mic went out. That's interesting. Can you hear us now? We're all good? Well, I could hear you guys but not through my headphones.

I'm trying to plug in the headphones so I can listen to the videos and stuff without too loud. So you want to go to Skype, preferences and then at the top where it says audio video. Yeah. It'll be like a microphone and a speaker. You need to choose the right ones. Yeah.

All right, let me make sure I can put this in I'm sorry that's all right yeah it's cool how's that here we'll fit we'll sort this out all right so now Kyle ship off to my understanding you never know my understanding is you can hear us but that you can't talk so Skype preferences and then second from the right, audio video, where it says microphone, now you need to choose a mic. Also be consistently making a low hum so we know when it works. If you could replicate a dial tone of some sort. The thing is, I don't know.

Screw it. I just won't use the headphones and I'll keep everything low. I don't know why when I plug my headphones in, the mic goes out. Yeah, why not? Why wouldn't it do that? In my head, it's just like one of those ports that's one for both headphones and microphone. And you're supposed to plug in i guess a like a ibuds where they have the mic on the cord oh probably but i'm just guessing

all those bastards silly apple yeah so kyle's where'd kyle where let's guess where kyle went do you think he's making a sandwich no no he's been good about not bringing loud foods on not to say sandwiches are allowed to eat but he's been good not bringing in loud foods eating to eat on the podcast remember that phase he went through where it was like oh guys i got a handful of walnuts and pennies to rattle around i remember i used to have something and they got really mad about it so i got better um and then i don't remember kyle eating things into the mic but i do remember that whenever he like he needed to go somewhere he'd be gone for like 15 minutes and he'd come back with food he would and it's not like if i eat something if i get up and piss and

like want to grab a snack i grab like a handful of cashews and eat's not like if i eat something if i get up and piss and like want to grab a snack i grab like a handful of cashews and eat them real quick before i get back on he comes back with like whole trays of things he sets out and then it's just like all right well these two are doing the show for the next hour because i'm going to pick over these things here i think i saw a shadow a bunch of corn there He's right by the mic. Another cream soda. Kyle, we were all taking bets on where you went. I rubbed my eye and I rubbed something really spicy in it.

I was cooking earlier and I think I rubbed some chili powder. It's literally the second time I've done it on the show because I'm usually cooking dinner. That was my guess. No, it's not. You didn't guess that he got chili powder in his eye. And at first it just burned a little, but then I blinked a little, and it was just excruciating. So I went and got some eye drops and got myself a Sprite. Okay.

Okay, that kind of was my guess. I wanted a cream soda, but someone drank the last one. So yeah, Sprite. What kind of cream soda? A&W. What did you cream soda? A and W. What did you make with your chili powder? You're not doing it right. Fajitas.

Fajitas. Are you still in your fry phase, or have you not made fries in a while? I haven't made fries in a while. I've been cooking hamburgers a lot, trying to perfect that recipe, and using different breadcrumbs and Panko and a bunch of other stuff. And so, yeah, I'm on hamburgers right now and bacon. You're putting breadcrumbs in your hamburgers? Yeah.

I'm experimenting. Some of them have breadcrumbs, some have bacon, some have cheese, some have all three. Egg. Yeah. I put a lot of stuff in there. Hmm. You think I should fill... Hey, you know what's good to fill an awkward pause in the show?

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Taylor, I have a question. Yes. What was the conversation with the stylist like? Yes. What was the conversation with the stylist like? So he called me, and I didn't know who it was, but he informed me he was my personalized stylist. Okay. And so I told – he was like, I'm just going to ask you some questions and figure out what your style is. And so I answered like, what do you wear on a regular day?

Are you casual or business casual or formal? And they have little graphics by it. And so I was like, all right, I guess I'm business casual or formal and they have little graphics by it and so i was like all right i'm i guess i'm business casual to casual usually and then asking like how do you like things to fit what's your waist how tall are you how much do you weigh uh just really really easy shit it's not like they're quizzing you on this like don't get nervous it's real fucking easy and they sent me the whole trunk of things and i tried it all on i didn't keep all of it because you don't have to keep all of it and i kept what i wanted sent everything else back and i just wore i just took the jeans off right before this show because i put pajama pants on i'm not not wearing pants

that'd be odd what kind of pants you got uh forever 21 i got my batman pants on yeah but yeah it's an excellent service the jeans are high quality, and I would recommend you do it. They're going to send you a lot of stuff. So when you do get it, don't just be overwhelmed because I was at first where I was like, Jesus Christ, this is like as many clothes as I own already. They just doubled me up. Just look through it, take a couple days, and then just pick something and send it back.

Yeah, it's real easy. You can switch on that. I can't believe you haven't taken advantage of it. I need to. I really want to because I feel like the question of what i wear and what i want to wear there's a huge gulf in there like you know what are you wearing normally business casual casual and i think to myself well today i didn't wear pants until about 1 p.m yeah yeah like what you wear versus what you want to wear what you think you could wear because when he was asking me those questions like i answered the first ones like because i dress pretty

conservatively most of the time darker colors grays and blacks just i don't know i don't want to have to pick out things that match and then towards the end of the like questionnaire i was kind of being like you know what i'm hip i'm cool like yeah i'll wear like a goofy hat or like a cool yeah an ass guy or maybe a summer scarf or something and then some of that stuff showed up and I kind of put it on and I looked like a real dick. So I sent all that back. But yeah, take a risk. I'm going to get a cape.

Oh, capes are very in. He told me that. Please tell me he actually, fuck you, I'm believing anything. You bastard. Anthony has a note. My wife wears capes and she looks great in them they're pretty stylish that's a true I was trying to play it off but he did say that yeah he asked me how many capes would you like a why three three

capes in your trunk no no he didn't he didn't suggest a cape. Oh, man. He doesn't know, but Woody's wife wears capes like a superhero all through the house. And she rocks them. She looks great in capes. They're warm things like a winter coat, but she says you can do this in them. Yeah, and that's a coat with no functionality. A coat with no restrictions. It's kind of straight over you.

It's really a triangle with a hole in the middle yeah i want to cope but none of that heat retention well what if you think about what she does it's not like she's out there like mining for gold in the winter time by a river frozen thing no she's going from the house to the car to like take a kid to school. And for something like that, you're like not being locked in. But you know what a winter coat is like. You know, you're constricted, constrained. It's in a winter coat and then a pair. But it makes sense.

It's just it's really easy to poke fun at because I've never seen someone wear a cape. I would like. Oh, I could fix that. I could fix that. I could fix that. I could fix that. I could fix that. I could fix that. I could fix that. I could fix that. I could fix that. I could fix that. I could fix that. I could fix that. I could fix that. I could fix that. I could fix that. I could fix that. I could fix that. I could fix that. I could fix that. I could fix that. I could fix that. I could fix that. I could fix that. I could fix that. I could fix that. I could fix that. I could fix that. I could fix that. I could fix that. I could fix that. I could fix that. I could fix that. I could fix that. I could fix that. I could fix that. I could fix that. I could fix that. never seen someone wear a cape i would like oh i could fix that a cape on this show i guess i saw two people wear five capes right i'm sorry kyle you keep trying to get in yeah no you good good nothing on the cape it'll be interesting to see because i feel like Rubio got really beat up when they busted him being the robot and even Rubio the robot whatever

Trump is getting at least as beat up in this debate right before Super Tuesday Yeah We'll see The only problem is nobody's watching CNN Nope I don't know, Chiz is watching Chiz already has his mind made up Yeah, I don't think. Chiz is watching. Chiz already has his mind made up.

Yeah, I don't think Trump fans are really going to be swayed off of Trump based on Rubio or Cruz giving him any crap at a debate. I don't know. Are you swayed at all, Kyle? To what? To not vote for Rubio instead of Trump? I mean, I'm not a registered voter.

I don't want to be going to jury duty. So, I mean, I really don't, I'm not voting per se. I think Rubio bashing Trump in a debate does more for Rubio against Cruz. Against Cruz, yeah. Like, they'll be like,

oh, look, he was able to stand toe-to-toe with Trump. Oh, so you're going to back off of Trump? No, but I think Rubio's better than Cruz. That's kind of what – It's like they're taking it out for second place because Trump is like a monolithic first-place guy, and it's really just, wow, look, he stood up to that guy who we already all know is probably going to win, you know? Good on him. Silver medal.

I don't think it'll make sense. What if he does an episode of The Apprentice when he picks his chiefs of staff? What if that's how he picks them? Welcome to The Apprentice White House Edition. No, no, no. The Apprentice, the executive

branch. That's the niche house. The Apprentice, the executive branch. Sitting in the joke. The apprentice, the executive branch. And it's tips. Sitting in the Oval Office with all the contestants. Oh, yeah. They all do stupid apprentice things. Like, they have to be waiters for a day and see who can get the most tips for Secretary of State.

All right. You have to conquer a small country with the resources given to you. to conquer a small country with the resources given to you. You have to ride the bus with Bernie Sanders for six hours. They're in the boardroom. Grenada had much better defenses than Cambodia.

I think that it wasn't a level playing field. It's so fantastic. It's so fantastical to even imagine that Donald Trump is your president that it's just... I love it. I love it. I want it now. I want it because it's so fantastic. It's so fantastical to even imagine that Donald Trump is your president. I love it.

I love it. I want it now. I want it because it's so funny, and I want to see what he does. I want to see him make a mockery of the presidency and do silly things, and I want to enjoy every minute of it. You can't wait for the first pool party. The Kardashians are going to be nothing when compared to the Trumps. When the first family is the Trumps, the Kardashians ain't got nothing on that.

Didn't we just ask for a reality show guy to be president? Weren't we just going in that direction? Is it that surprising to everybody? The way we love the Kardashians and all these dumb bachelor and these ridiculous reality shows it's like yeah the president's got to be a reality show guy it makes sense I didn't think I always thought it would be Jess Prost I didn't think that it would be Donald Trump yeah I know right can't wait all right we need a new topic what's it to be? I've got a Rousey video we could watch. I'd love that. It's about six minutes long, but it's good.

I could try and find... Is she fighting in it or is she talking in it? She's talking to Ellen, the talk show host. Oh, fighting or crying, yeah. It's pretty good. Do you guys want to see it? Give us a little intro or summation of what it is so all right for people don't know ronda rousey was the 135 pound the bantamweight champion women's champion in the ufc

and she was brutal she crushed everybody and i hate to pile on the hate bandwagon but she did a lot of stuff that made everybody dislike her, you know, just misinterpreting people's motives. And like, I could play you montages of her acting unlikable that would make you turn on her. But when she lost, she got beat by this woman named Holly Holmes, who was an amazing striker.

And, um, um, now Rhonda is trying to cope with losing her title. And, uh, it's And it's pretty telling. I think you guys will like it. Here, let me link it up. It's a little longer than we typically watch as a group.

I went on that little internet tangent of researching all the things that, like you said, might make you not like her as much. And it accomplished just that with me. What is she wearing? I had nothing for or against her. I'm not a big UFC guy. But then after seeing how arrogant and kind of unlikable she was prior to getting the shit kicked out of her, it's like now looking at it, it's like,

oh, so now you're going to play woe is me. I'm a big, tough fighter, but, you know, that's only me when i'm in the ring you know i'm the person too and it's like all right i cut it out with these crocodile tears we know the true you uh we know how you treat people when you're on top and now you're expecting people to treat you differently that you're not on top like you made a floyd floyd mayweather decision and it didn't pan out for you like i don't know. Alright. Ready, set, play. Wherever she's wearing

is awesome. Whatever that is. It's got pockets? What's she going to put in those pockets? Boobs. She's already upset. in or was there something different this time? I mean, it's always crazy going into every fight, you know. It's always so much chaos and so many things going on. She's already upset. Things weren't perfect. They never are.

It's like two months ago. It was my third title fight in nine months. That's an athletic girl right there. Fucking Connor's doing it right now. Yeah, but I don't make any excuses or anything like that. I mean, I've fought in worse conditions. Girl right there Connor's doing it right now But here I go making excuses happens to you like you feel it at the time you're there so you don't feel it well i got oh yeah i got clipped in the like the first why don't you show me a couple takedowns

that must have surprised you well it's hard to really know what's going on and so um and that first hit i cut open my whole mouth and i knocked my teeth loose and you know guys fight for five five minute rounds they're teeing off each other's faces the whole time and nothing like that happens and it was just destiny it had to go down that way and um because you had your mouth it was weird I had like no perception of like um I felt like almost like I couldn't see like I could see but I couldn't tell like how far my hand was from my face or how far she was from me like um when you sit and you're not moving and you still are aware of where your body is that's like a part of your brain that's telling you where you are in space and it was like that kind of turned off i was like swinging blindly i knew she was out there

but like it was uh i i really don't remember most of them that must have been really scary then because you're aware that that's happening and also that's like in a split second you're aware of that and you're still trying to protect second, you're aware of that, and you're still trying to protect yourself. Well, you're aware of that, and you have to try and not make it appear as if you're hurt. Right. Because if someone can tell, then they're going to swarm in on you. And so I was trying my best to make it,

to kind of hide the fact that I wasn't even there anymore. So do you have, like how long does a headache last after you're hit like that? Do you have a headache still? No. I don't know. I didn't have a headache at all. It's not about, like, pain or things happening.

It's just things stopped working, you know? Like, my brain stopped working properly, and my teeth didn't really work that properly. And how long was it that your brain was not aware of that? How long did that take to settle down? Um, probably till, like, the next morning. Wow. Did you, I mean, did you worry for a minute? Like, could this be permanent?

Did I really hurt myself? And maybe I won't do this again? No, to be honest, like what I was saying, the real good part is still coming up. My, honestly, like when I thought I was like, I was like in the medical room

and I was like down in the corner, I was in the corner and I was like, what am I anymore? No, stop it thinking about killing myself in that exact second I'm like I'm nothing I'm like what do I do anymore

and no one gives a shit about me anymore without this to be honest I looked up and I saw my man Travis was standing there and I was looking up at him and I was just like I need to have his babies. I need to stay alive. He was still married when they started dating.

I need to stay alive. Why would you interject that? She's a horrible person. So much for this little thing there. I ruined a family right after the fight. I don't know if I would have made it without him. To have that support system, sure. That makes my heart to hear.

I mean, anybody looking at you, you're such a brave woman. Yeah, Woody's cucking Ronda Rousey. Ronda Rousey would kick my ass, too. But, yeah, Travis was married. I'm sure his marriage wasn't going well. I mean, I think he beat her and stuff. Yeah, so, you know, field day, you know. Yeah, but he was still dating, you know.

She didn't know he was fucking her. They weren't separated or anything when he started going out with Ronda. Ronda just straight up dated a married man. He's another UFC fighter named Travis Brown. You know what's fucked up about that clip like that? All the talk that we heard before she got her ass kicked about, you know, can women fight with the men? And can she compete with just in UFC, not a female? Could you see like Connor crying on a talk show because he lost?

Like that to me shows so much. You just get crushed. Don't cry when you lose yeah it just it doesn't play well to your fighter aesthetic next time you're in there being all intense and they've just got their iphone up with you crying on ellen like when i see that i love things like pay inequity and glass ceilings. I'm just like, yeah, that's why. I'll tell you, more fighters cry than you might guess behind stage.

We all saw Rocky cry when Mickey died, but I don't want to see it actually happen. None of them cry on Ellen. There's no way that Conor McGregor gets on Ellen and is suddenly just like, oh, Jesus, they were just hitting me so hard. Maybe I wasn't going to fight again.

Yeah. Man, I hate to pile on and cuck Rhonda and all that fun stuff, but dude, she is just awful. She's always awful. I was rooting against her before the Holly fight. Wait, really? Yeah. Because I thought for a while there you were,

or maybe I'm just misattributing your respect for her as a fighter as genuine like, and that is possible. But I was under the impression that you liked her a while ago. Shucks. I mean, there probably was a period in time in i i stopped liking her when she went on the ultimate fighter um prior to that i felt like i didn't really know her but these they get hours and hours and hours of footage of her on the ultimate fighter and she was awful she was just an awful person like just mean to mean you know people or was she competing so what happens is she uh two women serve as the coach ronda and misha tate and then they train

like i think maybe eight people each and at the end the two coaches fight so she's training them but she's also kind of keeping and she had it with just women yes yeah because actually um i think they did it to start the 115-pound women's division. So it was kind of how they seeded all the women. Now, let's be real. Technically, they're women. The 115-pound women are hot. Are they?

Yeah. I think most people would agree. Some of the 130 of those pounds are in cauliflower ears. And, dude, Misha Tate the she's fighting for the title soon 197 maybe after the connor one and uh she is by anybody's definition just really hot she's got kind of a resting bitch face but otherwise like her body is those ring girls are epic all those misha tate is way better than a ring girl. The ring girls for friggin' UFC are stunning.

Just the best. Very good. Do they make cauliflower ear porn like the belly button? You know, we spent a good amount of time on that the other episode as well. No, we didn't. But that would be even grosser. Just those

weird little pustules that are on there oh pustules they're gross have you ever seen fresh cauliflower ear oh i don't think so yeah it's nasty looking sounds terrible the whole thing i used to think that that was just like a curse of wrestlers and people who competed with that that you couldn't get rid of it and then when i found out that you can take steps to avoid that the entire time like when i was looking at UFC guys, like, what? That's a normal-looking dude. He doesn't have fucked-up ears.

It makes me think that it's almost a douchey thing to do. It's to keep cauliflower ears. Like, oh, look how tough I am. I can't use, you know, ear buds. Is it something – wait, they could do something, like, as they're fighting? Not like headgear or anything. They can have it fixed, but the problem is they're in a job that causes cauliflower ears a lot and once it's already happened a couple of times it's more

likely to continue to happening so i think a lot of those guys get it fixed when their careers are over yeah i was thinking more about like high school wrestlers i knew who would keep oh professionals jimmy norton on uh when i was on the ona show norton had a great idea we would have a lot of the ufc guys in, you know, the cauliflower ear thing came up. Make fake cauliflower ears so when you go out to the bars, no one wants to fuck with you. Oh, my God. That's great.

And, like, somebody's like, what, really? And then you've got to think, like, I really don't want to fuck with this guy. That's really actually a good idea because when you do see that, you're like,'re like Alright that guy's been rumbling around before I'm not going to look at him Yeah Or you can wear Spock ears and get your ass kicked

Anywhere you go Yes I mean she's attractive Woody But I just think some of these ring girls are on another level They're prettier Misha Tate... Who's this most recent one, Link? I googled Misha Tate.

Is it not her? Those legally can't even be pants. There's no way. The, um... Public. Yeah, wow. This is Ariane Celeste. She's a ring girl.

Or a card girl or whatever you call her. Often viewed as the prettiest one. Yeah, it looks like you injected her ass in there with a syringe. It's so tight. Oh, my God. Yeah, Celeste is undoubtedly prettier. The thing about Misha Tate, so I see, like, I follow MMA on a daily basis. Tate. So I see, like I follow MMA on daily basis and, uh, um, you see these pictures of Misha Tate or like, she'll be grappling in pants like that, or just a shot. And you're like, Oh my God. Like

a lot of times when women look really amazing, they're striking a pose. It's their day, whatever. Uh, Misha Tate just on a daily basis walks around with, uh, I don't know, extremely fit body. Oh my god. And her boobs and butt make up like a third of her body weight. That's just where it all goes. Look at this one. This one's the best one. Alright. Sorry I'm not sharing these

with everyone. I just never know what's going to pop up. She's shaped like one of those weeble wobbles that you couldn't even knock her over. She just whoops. See, for example, I don't know if I should show this. It's very PG-13. All right, I'll share it. I mean, I don't know what the rules are anymore.

I mean, I'm not saying I know the rules or anything. Who knows these days? Yeah, I'll know it when I see it, and I haven't seen it. The best defense you have for that picture is, I think there's a piece of cloth in there. That's about it. Yeah, it's hard to compete with the ring girls. But yeah, Misha Tate is, body-wise anyway,

the hottest female I can think of. There's another girl, Rose, who I like a lot. She's at 115. From the Titanic? I can't. She's Thug. From the Titanic? I can't. She's Thug Rose. Her last name is like Namaha or something. Nice titties, Kate Winslet version.

I want both at the same time. Old lady version. Yeah. Eat your old pussy. You'll really feel like you're there on that boat. Eat your old old pussy. She's crying. Tell me about typhoid and all the problems in your early 90s.

All of these Thug Rose pictures make it look like I'm in the end. What's it like having your own water fountains? Yeah, she doesn't have a lot of good pictures here. Not attractive ones, I should say. This is a very pretty girl, but you wouldn't know it from many of these photos. No, you would not. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah, that's

a little weird. That's 115 pounds. She doesn't even look muscular, but part of me is like if you're 115, you don't have that much room to add muscle, you know? Or do you? I don't know. I saw her punch her boyfriend in the face one time with a 12-ounce glove and it looked like she knocked the shit out of him.

I have that video ready to go. But there's a different one I'm looking for. She has a YouTube channel, HyperDye. 16-ounce glove. Kind of cute. It won't take me too... Here it is. Why would he let her punch him?

He's sleeping. Cue up at zero. This one's kind of fun to watch. Yeah, I like this one. I'm cute. Alright. Ready, set, play like this one. I'm cued. Alright. Ready, set, play. Watch this. Oh, Jesus.

It gets better. Well, that just makes me gay. Okay, but... What an asshole. That's great. He's just parading it around. They have to be my favorite couple in MMA. They're fantastic together.

That's funny. There's just something about MMA that I can't get into it. I don't know if I'm just really more into team sports or if it's something different about how they compete where there's not points, it's just a position at the end. It's cool, I just can't throw myself behind a fighter

like I can throw myself behind a sports team. I could see that because the thing about your sports team is they're going to be there next year and the year after and the year after that. Some of these fighters, it could be their last fight if things don't go their way. The Rams are going to be here for years to come. You just got to move to Los Angeles. You can get them back.

My Hartford Whalers. Really? You're still getting over that. While I don't follow the fighters and their lives and all that over that while I don't follow the fighters and their lives and all that stuff and I don't find that very interesting I do find the fights themselves to be much more entertaining than

a three hour football game or baseball game or anything like that because it's five rounds I know at the end of it somebody's going to probably be fucked up it's going to be entertaining there's no way that they can get through those five rounds without the good stuff happening that I want to see. Yeah, that's who it's meant to be.

Unless Anderson Silva's fighting. The fact that every fight, you know it's not going to be super long, and so if that one sucks, it's just a little bit until the next one, that does play to its benefit of like, okay, this really isn't that great. They're both just kind of rolling around, not getting anything done. At least a new one's up.

I follow all of it. I like every bit of MMA. I like it when the fighters build. I like the fighters' personalities. All of their personalities. I wouldn't want Ronda to be my sister-in-law, but I sure am glad she's on my TV. For as much as a bitch as she is,

I like watching her, and I really like watching her fight. Even though she lost a fight, she's an she is, I like watching her, and I really like watching her fight. Even though she lost a fight, she's an amazing fighter. I like Holly Holmes, the preacher's daughter, the good girl out there just kicking ass. I like Conor McGregor. I like Robbie Lawler, who's the opposite of Conor McGregor. He's a champion, but he's just calm and cool and confident, yet not cocky somehow. I like them all.

I like the fights. And one thing I like about MMA is just how it's kind of one V one, how these get, someone goes in there and they leave a winner and a loser every time. There never seems to be two people that win a fight. Someone goes up the hill and another guy goes down it. And especially if you see it in person, like you watch it on TV, we really get to see the fight better, but they don't show the loser. The loser just kind of vanishes. That guy in the corner who's knocked out,

who's silly, who's semi-conscious, he just disappears. You know, when he leaves the octagon and he needs two people to virtually carry him, you know, to get to backstage where they just bury his existence until he's healthy again. If you're there in person, you know, to get to backstage where they just bury his existence until he's healthy again. If you're there in person, you're like, oh my God, there's real consequences to this.

Somebody's career, their financial life, their career, their prestige. And it's, I don't want to call it embarrassing, you know, because I think everyone who goes in there leaves with their honor. But they just lost a fight in front of a lot of people. Everyone else, even if you get fired, there's some embarrassment to it. But it's not nearly as public. You're not on pay-per-view when you have a bad day at a normal job. And while you're watching it as a sports fan, I, for whatever reason, feel like I connect with them and the consequences of what this fight means.

You watch it almost like a drama because you're so into their lives and their little specific things. First of all, I've had a couple of public firings. You were in my head as I thought that. Anthony's an exception. This does happen. You were in my head as I thought that. Anthony's an exception. This doesn't happen.

Talk about like a football game versus UFC. You don't watch a football game with the intensity you watch UFC. I've played poker with my buddies while a football game's on or a baseball game, and it doesn't interrupt with the poker game or the game. Something starts happening. You look, stuff like that. When the main event comes on on UFC, you stop playing. You stop doing everything because you have to watch every second of it it's that compelling and exciting to watch yeah and it can be over that fast like yeah that's the thing don't people do it all the time when i see people

casually watching ufc i'm like are you fucking stupid have you never seen this before because it's usually you're gonna miss the thing yeah and they do miss the thing so often the person like wants to like turn their head over there and be like yeah and i'm just like well he's unconscious now oh oh yeah yeah well watch the replay because you didn't fucking see it replay is not the same no it's not yeah yeah yeah high intensity uh spectator sport is that the sport that you're into the most anthony ufc uh no i i watch all the ufc uh i get all the pay-per-views i'm uh lewis j gomez who's a with the legion of skanks podcast he's a comic and stuff he uh he's coming over here we're doing a post show for the march 5th uh ufc. So I'm really into it.

I'm not one of these guys that could give you all the stats and all of this and that. I just enjoy watching it. And like I'm very excited to see McGregor fight again. This is very cool. I don't like it when people quiz you on the stats. You know, here and there I get called not a real fan, which I don't get. But whatever. And it's like we're competing to be better fans?

I don't know what you're saying, man. I just really enjoy it. Whenever I would – because I profess to be a Yankee fan. Okay. But now there are Yankee fans that are fanatical maniacs, and they would call me out on the air all the time. So during baseball season, on my computer, I had every player, the number, the position, the stats, everything in front of me. So that when someone would try to quiz me, I'd just, boom, pull it right up.

And first I'd kind of bullshit a little first and then find the stat, get enough info, and blurt it out. find the stat, get enough info, and blurt it out. But that's not the real reason you watch is to know more than the other guy does. I don't know. I just enjoy it. Baseball is weird like that more than any other sport. Baseball fans

will call you out for stats over nothing. I've done that before with people who I think are bandwagoning on a certain team, like the Seahawks a couple years ago, the Blackhawks in hockey, where you just give them, like, a, you know, a feeler question of, like, you know, who was the captain before your current captain, just to see if they know anything about it. here and god forbid you say that to the wrong person or in front of the wrong person who like has a monument to you know stan musial in his room that he masturbates to and they're like oh well what was our right fielders fucking hitting percentage three years ago yeah it was 0.21 i'm like oh my god like i don't know what that means but fuck you for calling me out on that like i

don't know i piss so many people off by bandwagon. After my team's out of it, I will bandwagon jump onto whatever team is doing well. It's like, oh, yeah, I bleed Bronco Orange, man. Yeah. And people are like, you haven't even talked about the Broncos. Fuck it, you just didn't hear me, man. You're not a fan if you don't know that I'm the biggest fan. And people get all pissed. You should just stick to, like, incorrect facts.

Like, John Elway is so good in the fourth quarter. You guys can't hang with him. He's going to crush Panthers. Yeah, it's trolling, but it's fun. These California Panthers don't know what they're getting themselves into. Yeah, John Elway is way too good. That would just be, like, a running thing. He's the straighters, I hear. He's been it all along. getting themselves into. John Elway is way too good. That would just be like a running thing. He's the straighters, I hear.

He's been it all along. So you're constantly the fan of whatever team just won. Dude, you mentioned the public firing. You were in drama, I don't know, four weeks ago, something like that. And all I could think of in my head was like, you can't fire him now bitches got no strings to hold me down i said like i i said if i hadn't been fired uh in july of 2014

i would have been fired now so i'm glad i built this whole thing up yeah i'm involved in a little bit of a legal uh wrangling as they say uh i will be completely vindicated this is one of those things and um you know i would love to be able to talk about it especially on my show but i can't uh i have a court date uh i think march 7th is my next one and it's just been a nightmare that's a thing i wish my entire life never having any uh negative contact with the police and then i'm arrested for a domestic and this to me was like what i never had a dewey i never had a any kind of harassment or uh disturbing piece. I mean, nothing. Squeaky clean my whole life. And then, you know, I went back into the breach one too many times.

You've got a taste for the crazies, Anthony. I do. People know it. It's my thing. I like... My type is kind of crazy white trash girls. It's just what it is. Between 16 and 18. We know. That depends on the state. Come on, man. Well, you know what I've got to say?

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Do you like it red and alcoholic? Because if they had asked me, do you prefer a dry wine? I wouldn't even know. I think I said before, they all seem to be liquids to me. I don't even get that. It's about the sweetness yeah is it so dry is like the ones that it's almost tart like bitter like suddenly your whole mouth feels like well dry whole mouth yeah yeah i hate that it's unpleasant and every time i go out to dinner with someone and they order it i feel like i need to order something similar and so I do and then I feel like an asshole

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You guys have like great sponsors, wine and clothing and stuff. I'm selling fleshlights. Oh, I want that. Fleshlight, we would be able to sell the fleshlights. We have actually sold something similar. Yeah, we actually had the auto blow. We have a thing called the auto

blow. Are you familiar with the auto blow? Oh, please. Of course I'm familiar with the auto blow. And the auto blow too, mind you. Yeah, I think that's what we have. I have one, I think Woody has one as well. It's in a drawer somewhere and it's... We don't talk about mine because I've got a kid in high school.

Oh, I'm sorry. We're talking at the same time, my apologies. Yeah, I don't talk about my autoblow because I've got a kid in high school. I'd hate for her to embarrass her. But yeah, great sponsor if you were ever using it in the house and then they could hear as you were trying to slow down you don't want to go too quick you don't want to ruin the auto blow to experience you turn it down a little bit and it goes and then you have the crescendo at the end. And then you go

I love it. And then silence. And they know dad just finished. Quiet sobbing of shame because you just... Yeah, they hear muffled sobs and then they walk in in a wet pillow. Kyle is great. He's like, I like the noise.

It's how I assert my dominance. There's shit going down in here. Don't even open that door unless you want in. That's what you do for a long time. You just plug it in and leave it running on the counter and you're sitting there doing something. I like they'll never fuck with me when they hear that.

I'm kidding. I'm masturbating. He's been masturbating all day. It's hours. He's going to ruin that auto blow. I like my auto blow. I don't make a habit of using that thing, but I have used it, and it is an effective thing. I have to fill you in on this.

Have you gotten the VR gear from Oculus? You pop a Samsung phone in the front. They there's a site with virtual porn and it's point of view porn where I mean, you're turning your head. There's a bedroom around you, the bed. And I guess they put the camera right by the dude's face. So you're looking at like what would be your body if you were the dude. And this girl is going at it. You take that and any type of auto blow or fleshlight or anything. You have entered. It's a brand new world of porn and spanking it.

It really is awesome you you get the feeling of being in a room with somebody and uh and the cops don't know when you look down you see so there was at some point some dude with this robocop headset fucking this girl looking around getting all the data and so when you look down do you see this guy's dick well yeah that's just it it's everywhere so when you look down it's almost like you you imagine what it would be like to be paralyzed yet have a giant cock I but I feel like they're missing the true potential of this of this product because everybody's talking about a woman replacement and you should look at it as a woman enhancement.

You take your fat, ugly girlfriend, and then you put the VR on, so you've got the real woman there, but now she's whoever you want her to be. It's like dating Steak from the fucking X-Men. You just need to find someone with a very low self-esteem. That would be amazing. very low self-esteem that would be amazing by the way not to be uh a male chauvinist why not give the girl the goggles from the point of view of the girl and now you're both touching exact places that the other one is and that you're seeing and it would feel like that and an amazing experience that's an incredible idea but there's a few

Are you saying have sex with a girl involved? Yeah, you picture the porn star through your little glasses and she's having sex with you and she's seeing the porn star through her goggles but when she reaches down to take a handful of that two foot cock and it goes through it like it's a

hobbit cam or if you go to grab some supple tit and suddenly you hit flesh a foot too soon. Oh, god, there's something going on out here. Like, that's not gonna work. See, but just think, you could be fucking a belly button, but in your head it's like Kim Kardashian's asshole or something, or whatever you wanna fuck. I'm pretty sure Kim Kardashian's asshole and a 400 pound woman's butthole are pretty much pretty analogous right same thing They're trying to overcome and finish through the sound of like clapping halfway underwater

People I figure that's what Kim Kardashian's ass sounds like too does she have implants in her butt Oh, she's got a big fat ass. Joe Rogan said it was implants. I don't know what the truth is. Oh, actually, I take that back. Yeah, it is implants. I've got proof pictures here somewhere. I had this discussion. It's a fucking desktop, actually. I can't believe I... Do you have proof pictures on your desktop? Yes. Hang on. I had this discussion with somebody a while back my desktop is a real mess you can tell who a parent is here who the parent is because like

you have that on but i know guys that are parents that i'm like you could and they hand me their phone and go check out the pictures of my kid i'm going you can hand your phone to somebody and go through the pictures i go that is amazing to me yeah i would never hand my phone off to anyone no really yeah kyle's known for that if kyle shows you a picture on his phone he will hold the phone far enough away that if you get wise and try and give a distant swipe you're gonna see something you don't want to see, I guarantee it. Bullshit, I don't want to see it. And then you're just like, oh god no! What's that? It's because Kyle trains himself to overcome really gross stuff on the internet.

And so, whereas you're imagining that you just see some dick pics with good lighting, as you always need. You don't want to pick a new pic every time you need one. So just keep a couple stock. No, you can see nasty shit eating people on the internet. Gross beheading pictures. I would not put any of that past Kyle Spong. There's all kinds of crazy stuff. I'm just flipping through here now. Where's the implant proof?

Here's a bunch of people getting killed. That's a bomb falling on people right there. I saw that picture. A photo bomb. Yeah, you saw it too on Reddit. Yeah, yeah. Imagine if my friends didn't know anything about Reddit and I could take credit for all the funny jokes. That would be great.

I could take a screenshot of Trump winning the Hispanic vote because I thought that was funny. Ooh, filthy. I really can't show any of this, actually. I save a lot of pictures from Google if I'm like

making a joke on Twitter and I need a picture of like Hitler and a cat and a rocket ship or something so I got all these weird they make no sense if you scroll through them sometimes but I keep them you never know who doesn't keep a couple

pictures available? It's like, oh, there's a Victoria's Secret model and Bill Devane with gold. It's just on there just in case. Yeah. You never know. So Donald Trump said we were better off with Saddam Hussein and Gaddafi in his foreign policy. The truth is, I agree with that. I think a lot of people do now.

Saddam Hussein, that place was way more under control with him than it is now. Oh, Jesus. I keep that in case I need it. I don't know what for. I don't know what for.

Yeah, Iraq was You never heard of the real internal Problems in Iraq You kind of heard like well he gassed his own people And then when he was gone you're like Oh those people needed gassing didn't they Yeah right Can I live eight years

Let's find out together Bernie 2016 Dude I I don't know. Maybe I don't know what to make it tonight. I was so sure Trump was going to win everything until he got beat up. Oh, a butt plug. I get it. Yeah, butt plug.

I think he still is going to do, you know, everyone, every time Trump does something, whether it's a debate or he has a speech or something, they're like, everyone, every time Trump does something, whether it's a debate or he has a speech or something, they're like, oh, that's it. He said something about this guy. He's done now. And then his numbers go up. So I don't know what the hell could.

The standard rules don't apply to him. He plays by a different set of rules. I don't know what's going to happen. He could go up. He could go up. He could go up from this. You never know. You never know. We did great.

We did wonderful on the debate. It was fabulous, wonderful debate. That's all he's got to say. And you're like, oh, it must have been wonderful. Yes, exactly. He won. The way that he talks, right? Everything is a one-syllable word.

And he's, it's, I watched this West Wing scene where he was like, you're the master of it. You've got the soundbite. It's the tip of the sword. It's the part that does the killing. And Trump, everything he says is the soundbite. It's the tip of the sword. There's no substance to anything he says. There's no plan.

There's no elaboration on his sound bites. But people are just like, yeah, build the wall. It's going to be great. We're going to put smart people in place. Our military will be the strongest, greatest military. Well, I want that. Don't you want that? He said it. Yeah, right?

It's huge. It's going to be huge. What do you got, Kyle? Some photos from It's huge. It's huge. What do you got, Kyle? Some photos from Jeremy's wedding. Oh. It was casual. That looks casual. Anthony, have you been married?

Very casual. Sandals. Those are flip-flops. I approve of those. He's turning to see the bride walking down the aisle wearing flip flops and a graphic tee. That's a wedding. I was wearing a fucking suit and tie. The groom goes, you're way overdressed. I thought you were getting fucking married.

Now, did you dress in a suit and tie knowing that it would put you in a different league than everyone else like was there any i'm not with these people thought process to it sure how this is gonna look but the wedding is about to kick off uh i'd say about half the guests have arrived so far and uh i don't know if you can tell let me see i don't know what i'm about to say yeah you're like wait no i don't remember that i said like four months ago to my own phone as you can see there's a lot of blacks here right a lot more minorities over there they're with me and we're gonna go handle that in just a minute there might be a hate crime on there i don't know but yeah no i didn't wear it knowing that I'd be...

I thought that the main participants of the wedding would be wearing a shirt and tie. I didn't think denim would be the fabric of the day. What state? Georgia.

Alright. It makes sense. Usually, like, I wouldn't, when you asked Kyle if he was doing that to put himself in, like, a league above, my instinct was to be like, well, of course he did. Like, Kyle's a calculated, smart guy. And then I thought about it more of, like,

this is a wedding, though. Like, someone has to have a suit that you can borrow. Like, it doesn't have to be a tux it could just be an ill-fitting suit with they got changed for the wedding they got changed for the wedding in a gift shop and the wedding procession itself was by a waterfall that's a tourist attraction and there were tourists showing up at the end of the wedding who wanted to get back there to look at the waterfall it was a real shit show um i i saw the groom bare-assed at one point because I was trying to take a

piss and they were all naked in the bathroom changing into their wedding attire. It was a real shit show. How long ago was this? Four months ago. Five months ago. How many more months until the divorce? Oh, they're pregnant again. They're going to have child number two.

They just found that out. So soon too. Wow. Great news. Yeah. After the first. Yeah. Those guys are great. Wonderful. Is that the worst wedding you've ever been to?

I hadn't been to a lot of weddings. I think I've maybe been to two or three. I was telling this to Woody. It was right after Joe's wedding, so that should give you the timeline. I don't recall how long that was. It's been months and months. It was last year, and it was pretty soon after Joe's wedding. I wore something pretty similar to Jeremy's wedding.

Yeah, it was great. Joe had a really nice wedding. This is Joe Lozon, if people don't know who we're talking about. Yeah, yeah. His wedding was great. It had a lot of pro fighters in it. A lot of cauliflower ears in the crowd. I was just really aware of the fact that most of those people could kick my ass without trying.

Yeah, I was trying to look at these tips. It's a dull day. A dull affair. I'm so afraid of staring at some cleavage or something to the wrong person and just waking up three hours later. Woody's like, as we ride back to the hotel I'm just like my face is gone say something you like

what was the last thing you remember tits I remember the tit count stay down they were really flat, muscular, and sinewy. The worst wedding I ever went to, it was like, the wedding was fine, but then the reception afterward, and I only knew

the person through an acquaintance, so I shouldn't have had to fucking go in the first place, but the reception afterward, you know how it usually is, like that's the fun part, the party. I got roped into going to the shit part, which is the wedding, but the reception ostensibly is always fun. There's always an open bar. You're always fucking around with your friends or at least a few acquaintances.

I went there, and they didn't have an open liquor bar. They had an open candy bar. So you could walk up there and just get a bunch of candy because apparently we were, like, eight years old. And this wasn't a religious reception or any reason for it to not have booze. They just, I guess, saved money by giving me six King size Snickers instead of a few rum and

Cokes. But it was fucked up. Yeah. Stayed for maybe eight minutes. Yeah. Jesus Christ. You just bailed. I just bought it.

Alcohol. What? Did they sell alcohol there? No. And I'm not going to buy alcohol at a fucking reception. Cause I'll go to a bar and watch a sports game if I'm going to do something like that. I'm here for you. This is your day.

I'm going to get something out of it because I don't want to fucking be here. You know, the food at Joe's wedding was really good. I got a steak, and that steak was actually a really good steak. I bet his wedding was great. And there was probably protein in each meal because they're all fighters and they need it. Yeah, I can remember talking to Joe about how big the wedding was gonna be would he

woody and myself were in a car in chicago or something months months and months prior and uh and he was talking about how like yeah we do a big wedding or we're gonna we're gonna make this thing real and and and i think it was a lot bigger than woody and i would have done our own personal weddings but i think a thing for them uh is big weddings and they did it it was a lot bigger than Woody and I would have done our own personal weddings. But I think a thing for them is big weddings. And they did it. It was nice. My wedding was about, there's a lot like Joe's, I think. Yeah?

Yeah. Comparable. A lot of professional fighters roaming about? No. No professional fighters. What was I going to say? Oh, one of the things I liked about Joe, and I'm a big softie about it, but I was like looking at the families, like, I was like, this is a good union.

Like, there's a lot of good people at this party yeah it's cool so yeah I found out recently what um what Opie when I was working with Opie and then you know what happened I stopped working with Opie and I found out he was pissed at me uh for years because at his wedding which was in Philly uh went to the wedding the reception but I left the wedding, which was in Philly, uh, went to the wedding, the reception, but I left the reception early because to me, Philly was just too close to Atlantic city to not leave as quickly as is humanly possible to hit the blackjack tables. And he found out, uh, that's why I left and that's where I went. So he was very angry that, uh, that I would be

such a, why would he care? You guys weren't even that close. be such a why would he care you guys weren't even that close thank you why would he care that's what i said some money at least what's that did you win some money at least uh i'm not even sure but it was a lot of fun you know it's ac it's uh borgata we're playing blackjack drinking you know i i could stay at a wedding for just so long. I don't know why people feel like you're obligated to stay there for the entire duration. Or like, oh, what are you leaving? Why, yeah, yeah, this is your great, amazing day. I'm just sitting at a table watching people dance

and fucking, you know, eating horrible steak or chicken, which is like, wedding steak is worse than the sizzler. It's the worst friggin' steak you'll ever get. Very thin. Yeah, real thin. Oh, could I have it medium rare

with some shoe leather in front of you? Yes, could the 17-year-old who makes this make it exactly the same as the other 300 people he's making it for? He's going to make sure he gets every order of the 280 people perfect.

It ain't going to happen. I'm going to the Borgata. Leave me alone. Do you think that you'll ever even be in a room with Opie again? Well, we were supposed to be at the Patrice O'Neill benefit here in New York. Bill Burr and Patrice's family and stuff, they throw this yearly benefit in February. And money goes to Patrice's family and Diabetes Foundation, whatever. And I wanted to show up.

I was kind of on the outs with Bill Burr over the shit that I said on Twitter in 2014. And God knows why that was anyway. What did you say? No, it was when I was assaulted by that young lady in Times Square. Oh, he was upset about that. Pictures of Times Square. She was in frame and decided to punch me about the head, face, neck, and chest area. punch me about the head, face, neck, and chest area. So he was kind of like, not pissed at me,

but he just wanted my kind of reasoning for it. I thought that was obvious. She had hit me in the face in Times Square and I wrote some awful things on Twitter. Wow, what an amazing response. By the way, I had a gun on me at the time, and I didn't shoot her in the face. Look at me. I'm an amazing person. That's what you get for leaving a witness. Was you not going to the benefit because of Burr kind of being irritable about those comments still?

I thought it was, and then I thought maybe Opie, because Opie goes, if he goes, I'm not going to the goddamn thing. And then when this latest thing happened in December, Bill was like, yeah, we just kind of want to, you know, maybe you shouldn't come. And I'm like, all right, I don't give a shit. It's not about me. It's about Patrice. And then Opie or Bill didn't show up. So I could have absolutely gone with nary a problem

neither of them and i didn't know that i didn't know that bill and opie ended up not going yeah they both didn't go and no one would have had any issue with me showing up and uh hanging out but you know it's uh the drama in the the business. You're so childish getting involved in drama, Anthony. No, I'm not. Nuh-uh. You are. You are. More than you know.

Yeah. Especially recently. There's something avoided in that business. I don't know what it is. I guess when people decide to choose a job that isn't a real job where you work and actually maybe lift something or make much less money for how much work you're doing, if you're not in that business, you have to fill your life with inane drama that means nothing and makes you look like a bunch of idiots. You know who won't make you look like an idiot? That's Ring.com. So when that doorbell rings, you never know what bunch of idiots. You know who won't make you look like an idiot?

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We all got one. I got mine installed outside and I've actually used it a couple times now. I got a FedEx package, and it required a signature. And I was going to ignore the pounding on the door, but I was like, oh, this thing is going off. And I got my package. So check them out. Link in the description. What a great thing.

That is very – because sometimes, like, you'll hear the bell, and you'll be like, it could be FedEx. I'm waiting for something. I'm excited for my delivery. Or it could just fedex i'm waiting for something i'm excited for my delivery and or it could just be some idiot i don't want to talk to and you get to see it perfect you don't have to do the blinds anymore yeah because they see you doing that you did a good job reading it too kyle i think you did great oh that means it's all the world to me nice real step up i've been learning my words. I feel like you should have your own thesaurus.

That should be one of your products. It should be like Taylor's thesaurus, and it should be filled with words that are sort of unique to you, like preponderance. Repscallions. Yes. All those. Maybe I will.

I'd love that. Go back and find words that only I use or maybe just or maybe just some some some cups or shirts or something

that have something to do with it anything yeah speaking of the cups and shirts and whatnot there is a sale going on

over at our merch shop right now so use coupon code stpaddy s-t-p-a-d-d-y at checkout 15% off all your orders up until March 2nd.

So head over there and check it out. And also get yourself a Dimitri's Best Effort Vodka shirt. Dimitri's Best Effort. Dimitri's Best Effort Vodka. What kind of merch you guys got? He's no good. So we've got a couple things that were that that i wanted to do um i want to do hot sauce forever because we there was a former member of the show who's like tag

internet name is wings of redemption and i was like what about hot wings of redemption hot sauce so um that's happening real soon i just need to schedule a date to like take his promo pictures cover the bottle i think that's gonna be really funny. And then we're doing some knives. Those are happening soon. We picked a knife that was out of stock and we need just over 100 of them so that's taking a while to get fulfilled. And then we do shirts and cups

and all kinds of shirts and cups and hoodies. Phone cases. Phone cases? Yeah, that's a good one, too. I like that one. Oh, by the way, those mugs are not machine wash. So hand wash those mugs, according to the spreadsheet person that I spoke to.

Because someone did have a problem with that. So apologies. Keep that in mind. Now, I got one of the big mugs that's got my face on it. Because, well, you know why it and I put it in the machine and I had no problems with it it's like a big frosted beer mug yeah that one's different

than the coffee mug I believe the big frosted glass beer mug should be fine I think I was talking with Pat Dixon he does a show on my network that's Pat Dixon's New York City Crime Report network that's uh pat dixon's new york city crime report and he's really hysterical he just takes all the news stories of the week of these horrid new york city crimes and just goofs on him and it's so funny it's well done he presents himself

like a news anchor man but it's just he's he's making horrible jokes about robbery rape and murder and uh so i saw him today in the studio and he was wearing one of his own shirts merch shirts and i was like it's the worst thing you could ever do because it's laundry day and it's just easier to reach into the box and grab another one i'm like dude yeah i have like a stack in my closet because sometimes you just yeah i'm gonna put it on and the pizza guy comes to the door and you're wearing your own shirt you just look like a dick you think that makes you look bad like yes oh yeah yeah you should never wear your own shirt i would have done that worse than anyone where you really said like bitches or be crazy or something and you said that you really said like bitches are crazy or something.

And you said that you found yourself like out, you know, some grocery local grocery store or looking at seasonings. And you look down and you see bitches be crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's not oddly enough. I was wearing one of Pat Dixon shirts because I could do that even though he's on the network. It's not my show. So I wear that. And on the front, it looks like the New York Post headline from here in New York, and it says New York City Crime Report. And I'm walking around with it, but I didn't realize on the back it says murder, robbery, rape, hilarious. That's his tagline.

His shirt, not even knowing that it's probably the most offensive thing you could put on the back without adding a racial slur that's a risky thing to put that on a shirt who's going to wear that around I guess Pat Dixon I guess you like Joe Lozon always wears

Joe Lozon always wears Joe Lozon clothes he's like what am I going to advertise Nike no I'm going to advertise Joe Lozon always wears Joe Lozon clothes. He's like, what am I gonna advertise Nike? No, I'm gonna advertise Joe Lozon. That's my brand, that's my thing. Yeah, that is one way to look at it. The only downside is you get recognized a lot. You know, like it.

You might as well be wearing a jersey. Yeah, everyone who's. It says Lozon. Yeah. And he's got the look. He's got the look and his thing says Lozon. He'll have like sweatpants on that say Lozon. Lozon is on it.

He made a gi, right? A few of you don't know, a gi is those karate pajamas you wear when you do martial arts. And it said Lozon like 127 times on it. Branding was out of this world. You know what? If he wasn't a professional fighter, you would be calling that on how truly gauche it is to be wearing everything with your own name on it. But the fact that he could beat

the shit out of you, you're like, no! I mean, like, he's just promoting his brand. I like it. I like it. That's nothing like Kanye. I literally, I was like, dude, if I get back into this again, I'm totally getting a Lozon gi with, like, 127 times on it. I thought it was cool. That's just your Beats by Dre.

That you would make fun of somebody else for something silly like that, but you'll wear a Lozon emblazoned gi. I'm the only person... Beats by Dre, I feel like I'm standing alone on this one in saying that they seem to make their target audience happy, right? They take

hip-hop and pop. Yeah, burglars. A lot of free headsets out there. happy right they take hip-hop and pop burglars they take hip-hop and pop and make it bass heavy and that's what people want and they deliver it and they also i guess wear well you know most headsets these headsets what if i wore them around my neck? They double as ear protection when you're firing from a moving vehicle. Another thing you didn't even know is that you can just leave them around your neck and play them all the way up so everyone can share your music experience. Everyone could love it in the train, in the elevators, of course. And they're not expensive at all.

All you have to do is walk behind an unsuspecting civilian, punch them in the temple, and as they fall, take their headset and on your way. It's yours. So you can wear them around your neck. They make the kind of music you like, hip-hop and pop sound like you want it to sound. I think they're probably pretty high quality as long as you listen to that genre of music.

I mean, that's what it's for. Yeah, I feel like people are like, they're not high quality. They don't reproduce music the way that i prefer it to be reproduced i'm like that's not sorry i'm not listening to bach in my headphones like some weird autistic moron who has to sit there and listen to that so i can focus like no that's that's nonsense i uh i do look down on them as as headphones and i wouldn't purchase them though if i'm being perfectly honest. I feel like it's low-quality electronics

with an incredibly inflated price. I've got one nice pair, those parrot ones or whatever. There's a $300 or $400 thing, and I couldn't imagine getting the Beats. If I were purchasing one with my own hard-earned money, I'd probably look for something that was in the $150

price range because I just don't listen to enough music through headphones for it to matter. These are really just for voice and stuff. But I wouldn't get beats. If nothing else, I don't want the emblem on the side of my head. I don't want people to know that I'm listening to Beats by Dre. It just seems

something that I wouldn't want to have. They gave us Beats at SiriusXM for a sponsored thing and said, here, use these on the air. And man, it was the worst thing for just a microphone broadcasting.

First of all, they're heavy as fuck. They're really heavy, so it's just you don't want to wear them on your ears for four hours during a radio show. They're so bassy and bottom end, you couldn't get a real gauge on what your voice sounded like, how loud you were being or how the processing was going out over the microphone. I don't know whose idea it was to use them as broadcasting headphones but I took them

home with me anyway. Fuck it. there you go what do you use at the risk of headphone talk what headset do you use when you're doing high quality stuff normally just Sony studio headphones seem to be the best but nowadays I don't because it's video I don't even use headphones I use an earpiece one of those like they use at Fox News or some shit. That works. We still use microphones on the desk instead of lavs. Lavs just never give a sound as good as a microphone.

We were trying to, because it's hard. With my show, it's TV, but it's kind of still radio. But what the fuck is this? So at some point, I was was dressing in a like a suit jacket and then I'd be sitting next to Jim Norton and being like how fucking pompous is that of me to sit here in a suit and tell dick jokes with my friends so that kind of went to the wayside it's sort of a weird feeling it out like what fits for something that's half TV and half radio oh I understand what you mean completely my lab mic I never liked the sound it's okay and that I half TV and half radio. I understand what you mean completely. My lav mic, I never like the sound.

It's okay in that I can move and it stays with me. Sometimes that's not good. I like the dynamic of being able to go off mic a little bit or kind of get the feel of it. Or pull it up real close and get mad and yell. What I don't like is the shotgun mic. When people think that a shotgun mic from 8 feet away

works appropriately, no. Can you say what a shotgun mic from eight feet away works appropriately, no, it doesn't. Can you say what a shotgun mic is? It's a mic, but it's directional, so it's meant to block out the sounds that come from the side. And everybody thinks it's a zoom lens for a mic, and it's not. It's not. You're still picking up a bunch of shit. Yeah, you sound like you're ten feet away.

The best thing is to have both. If you've got a lab mic on and there's a boom mic above you and then there's a mic in front of you've got all your bases covered and you can switch you can cut in you can cut back and forth between the three as needed because one of them's going to have an issue you're at your lab's going to have a loud no no no none of us are using shotgun mics um what was i gonna say uh yeah I don't know. When I put the lab mic on, I put it about here, and it just always seems to be in the wrong spot. I don't know. When we tried it, people were just like,

it sucks, your sound sucks. What happened? What are you doing? You suck. Everything sucks. Things got to be dialed in. That doesn't sound like internet people to me. We call ours the fucknards. No what social media i don't know anthony everywhere i go online people seem to be you know taking up arms in

favor of you you know not huge revolts everywhere today i had um bill nye the science guy and nick dipalo who's an amazing comedian that is known for his conservative viewpoints and like global warming to Nick DiPaolo is is like a unicorn just shut up I don't want to hear about climate change I don't know yet so having Bill Nye on with Nick DiPaolo was hilarious like Nick is just call him an asshole calling him an asshole bill nye an asshole but bill nye was right in there like no this is fact this is what we're talking about and some guy on twitter goes uh uh you got bill nye that liberal uh uh yawn i'm out it's like no you't, do you understand what we did here?

We took a hardcore conservative thinks it's all bullshit and Bill Nye, who went on Air Force One with the president of Florida to a global warming convention and put them together. You can't just say, oh, yawn, liberal asshole.

So, you know, social media has been the bane of my existence. It has cost me jobs. It is just my sanity. I keep going back. Why? Why? How disappointing is that to you when something like today where you think you really hit it out of the park, where you're like, people are going to love it, and then you hop on and the first couple tweets are negative,

and you're like, all right, there's always a couple bad apples in the bunch, you know, let's keep looking. And then it's just nothing. A thousand people saying this is the greatest thing I ever heard. But then, yawn, zzz, that's a good one. Just hit a bunch of zzz. zzzzz wake me up when it's done now that you've said this you know it's just gonna be like

all zzzzz yawns oh I know throw him a little fish feed him so on my YouTube channel sometimes I make these financial videos where i talk about investing and stuff it's one of my like the things that i know something about and uh like one of the first comments i saw was like oh my god this guy crying about video games

this is so lame dude there's no mention of video games in this video like what the fuck like what did you comment on the wrong video that's literally like a bot that was programmed to hate you four years ago and it turned it off and so every time you and and that bot is some which okay all right cocksucker modern warfare 3 thumbs down i love it like years later it's reactivated because he posted something oh james you suck and then the the subreddit today like so i guess when i uploaded the video i didn't even see it but like back when the video had had 10 likes or dislikes,

the ratio was awful. It was like five dislikes and five likes. I don't even know what it was, but it was bad. I didn't notice it, I didn't care. It was like 10 to one or 50 to one in favor by the time I saw it, but there's subreddit threads going off about how YouTube needs a new system that doesn't allow people to like or dislike

until they watch more of the video. It's like you guys are making so much out of nothing. It's nothing. A lot of bored people out there thirsting for content apparently. They'll take the smallest thing and really run with it. I'll tell you this. I'm not going to mention any names, but every now and then if you start seeing a username repeatedly over there, look at his user post.

And some of those people post so much over there that it is unhelpful. Can you write in the chat who this is so I can check it out? If you see Vanguard Anon, that dickhead's totally addicted to Reddit and really needs to get a life. So there's one guy whose name is something. It is me. So there's one guy whose name is something... It is me. So there's one guy whose handle is something like this, and he posts a ton.

I knew you were going to say him! Yeah, yeah. I had the same guy in my head. And there's another guy that's something like... I love that guy. That guy's the best. Uh-huh. And it has something to do with that word.

He posts a ton, too. I don't like him he posts a lot of mean stuff about wings um second one is that first guy you posted as a champ yeah he posts so goddamn much it's like dude i mean i appreciate it uh i mean i shouldn't say this but you should go outside man like you should go outside it's don't listen to him. You know what you should do? Watch PKA twice. Sometimes when you see a familiar name and you click on and just watch and look at all their other posts that might not be about you personally. And you see they're saying the exact same thing about a bunch of other people in a bunch of other businesses and industries. They just have the same.

They hate everyone. They just hate everyone. just yeah it's every it's it's interesting it's like a case study where you can see them being like i can't believe that you talked about fucking cruise the way you did yeah i'm a cruise and then you go through and check and it's just that version of insanity put into it'll be like on the subway reddit and be like there's not enough chicken on your new sandwich about food or politics or quentin tarantino or that like it's all just hate there's never any and then every once in a while you come across a person who is negative in every way the right down the line negative and then you come across like some weird other forum that they

write on for like a video game that came out in 1972. And then something on there is like, oh, no, what you want to do is actually tap A twice, and that should help you out. And it's like, well, who's this guy? Who's this guy now who's being a member of a community? Turn the pong dial until it's in front of the ball. If it's 1972. I went too far back there. Too far back.

Yeah, a little far back. I've been looking for a game I put the word out like I got bored with everything so it's kind of like what can I play I don't need something

crazy action I like kind of a potato chip game every so often where I could look at the TV go to take a piss and I don't have to worry that

you know I'm going to get killed or anything so I popped in Cities Skylines yeah it's to worry that, you know, I'm going to get killed or anything. So I popped in, um, city skylines. Yeah. It's, it's like SimCity, you know, but, uh, with the way people said SimCity should have been. And I'm like, now I'm giving a shit about traffic patterns and,

and how, how buses are supposed to run. How is this a game? These are mundane jobs for real people. Why am I fantasizing about having a shitty job? Have you ever heard of this game? It's called Papers, Please. I've heard of it. It's supposed to be amazing. Yeah, apparently it's really fun.

My girlfriend loves it, or she loved it for a while. I tried to watch her play it. It's like you're apparently it's really fun. My girlfriend loves it, or she loved it for a while. I tried to watch her play it. It's this, like you're in this fictional Soviet world, basically, and you're one of the, you know, Soviet countries, and you have to control this border station. And there's just the entire game. It's just a small image of the border station, a giant line of people that you have to process through.

Can I just build a wall? I would just like to build a wall. Yeah, these poorly graphic people walk up to you, and you have to process through and then can i just build a wall i would just like to build a wall yeah these poorly graphic people walk up to you and you have to look at their id make sure it's the same person check their gender check what city they say they're from see if it's misspelled and then you can either clear them for passing or deny them and not allow them into the country and if you let the wrong person in they get murdered or if you let the wrong person out they get murdered and that's the whole game and meanwhile you're getting paid by this awful dystopic government to feed a family and so you have to be like all right i can heat my house three times a week i can get food four days a week that'll be enough to get the family through now i gotta check this guy from you know uh

check shnishnia and make sure that he's not a woman in disguise and it's that's the whole game it's just doing media paperwork and there's a guy that's really doing this never thinking this would make interesting game yeah what he's thinking is I wish I had food every day that is not my life for Igor you know you gotta work out for his four days of food they blew every game opportunity they had there's lots of those games like that with the menial tasks there's ones where you drive a truck you operate a you're a train conductor all those things uh not necessarily they don't sound fun to do it's one one thing because you're building an infrastructure and everything, but if you're just

driving a train... I'd be hitting cars at every intersection. Fuck it. You have to at some point just make catastrophe. That's kind of what we want. I think the lamest game I play is that Civilization game. It's lame because...

Civilizations is the lamest game you've played? Yes, it is. What's lamer than Civ? I thought you wouldn't think Civ was lame. I thought you'd call me out on Magic the Gathering, but I'm glad it just... It's a turn-based strategy game. It's a top-down turn-based strategy game.

It's kind of lame. It's not a first-person shooter. It's not Mortal Kombat. It's not Fallout. I play all those games. It's all the action that's up in your imagination. Yeah. There's no huge fact happening.

It's one archer that represents a lot of archers into this other square, and in your head, you're imagining the Siege of Minas Tirith from Lord of the Rings. It's the biggest thing ever. It's a game. I'm not supposed to need my imagination. Exactly.

What is that about? I want to play an immersive game without having to think yeah but that's probably the lamest thing i've played i couldn't get into like being a train conductor or like you know janitors janitor simulator or anything like mop on the air traffic simulator where it's like at some point you stop and you're like nothing's gonna happen if i don't get this cargo of people to Buffalo by 7 p.m. Fuck this game. I don't care.

That's what I played a game. I played a game on my phone and the object was to manage like an apartment building. So, you know, you've got this like first you add another apartment, then you add like a restaurant and then you put people to work, and then you stack a little taller, and you add more elevators, and you can upgrade your elevators. And I'm just mad at like taking people to work, and putting them at work, and trying to allocate like, well Betty really loves cooking,

if we could get her at the pizza place, she'll be so effective. And then after like six hours, oh and by the way, like I was gathering resources so slowly, that I gave it like five bucks, and then that helped a lot, so then I gave it 10 five bucks and then that helped a lot so then I gave it 10 more so so now I'm 15 into this free game and my my and all that does is make my tower like 40 stories

tall so now I have so much more to manage until I was like fuck this this is a job leaves it not even a good one and I stopped stopped playing. And that's one of the reasons I never liked I didn't like as much Civ and single player because I'd put like the first hour in which is like establishing you know, that's just getting your cities built. Just getting the game started the first hour. And then I'd just be like

I can kind of foresee how the rest of this game is going to turn out. I don't want to play for six more hours. Fuck this. But if I'm playing against another person then I'm like, oh yeah, this game is going to turn out. I don't want to play for six more hours. Fuck this. But if I'm playing against another person, then I'm like, oh yeah, Chiz is going to fucking pay. I'm going to burn his fucking fields. He's going to spend six hours building something he loves

and I'm going to smash it while he watches. When I play Civ against other people and I'm the first one to lose, I think in my head, who's the real loser? Yeah. I'm going to go to bed with my wife in my palatial state you guys have fun now you know what a great way to rationalize a losing oh no i'm right i'm right on this one anthony if you played sim you'd be right there with me played age of empires and i would play against other

people and it was horrific when you got knocked out first you felt like such a fucking loser no no no i don't i don't at all no when i lose and those two have a life yeah they have to keep playing i'm like or sometimes i'll even keep live streaming, but I get to live stream without having to play that fucking game. So I'm just like dancing and barely paying attention. I'm DJing the event, but I'm not playing this awful game. It's the best. It's the best. The most recent experience I had with like, just like Kyle said, seeing the end of a game and just being like, fuck this, was in NHL

16. I made a GM mode. So I took the St. Louis Blues and I'm like, I'm going to turn this. I'm going to run the whole team, make everything great, and win some Stanley Cups. It's not very realistic, is it? No, it's not. Because we never win. But basically, you have

to take the team and make trades, this shit and it lasts for like 25 seasons 25 seasons this is going and so in real time basically for weeks this is like the only video game i played didn't play call of duty anything it got to be the year 2035 2050 almost over and i was looking through my roster because I'd won like five Stanley Cups way in the past. And at this point I was just simming through seasons like, what's going to happen at the end? Am I going to get an award? What's going on? And I checked my roster

and every single one of them on my lines, none of them were pictures of players. They were all just blank black silhouettes or like those Twitter eggs before you pick a profile pic. And it was like, I've played this for so long that these are just made-up Russian names of hockey players that I've now drafted these aren't real people because it's the year 2035 there's no way that this 19 year old that I just drafted exists for real this is a major thing

and so I just quit I'm like this is fucking ridiculous I'm playing with fantasy people in a real reality that's not even saying anything you didn't find out what happens at the end of 25 seasons uh no no it sounded like you could send seasons to go and i didn't want to sim through all of it i i didn't do it because i'd already finished be a pro mode which is you're one player and you have to build yourself up and i played for like 13 years in the nhl and finally i was like i'm gonna retire and it's gonna show all my stats were Were you getting heart trophies and stuff? Yeah, I won some heart trophies, won the Memories trophy, whatever.

I thought at the end it was going to show all my career stats and be like, yeah, look at that, 1,000 goals, best in history. No, at the end, my agent, keep in mind, for the past 15 years, I'm the best player in the NHL. He just calls me one day, and he goes, yeah, nobody's looking for you anymore. Guess that's the end of your NHL career. And then I just hit A and it just said hit A for okay.

And I just said okay to my agent. And then the screen just stayed the same. I couldn't simulate to another game. I couldn't check my stats. It was just a blank screen. Just a big fuck you. Oh, you spent 10 hours on this? The first realistic part of the game.

See, then the game becomes like a Papa John's pizzeria that you didn't have to manage in your retirement. That's so immersive! Fuck! I'm out! Twilight, order! I sim like ten years in the future, I've blown all my money and I'm doing like bail bonds advertising. Come down to Jim's local bail bondsman. I'm drinking fast hands. X left wing for the New York Rangers. Come on down.

Do you guys play more games since you can get electronic delivery through Steam and whatnot? Do you just buy more games and realize, wow, I'm buying more shitty games than I ever... If I had to go to old days electronic boutique or GameStop or something? I'm not a big e-gamer.

I definitely have tons and tons of Steam games that I have very rarely or if ever played. A lot of them got gifted to me, but that is just the nature of Steam. There's going to be all those Steam sales and stuff. You're like, shit, for $7.50, I guess. You just never get around to playing a lot of that stuff. Like I said, I've been gifted a lot. I've been playing a lot of games lately. I play Fallout

although I'm playing it on the console because I like that experience better in my bedroom without my clunky PC and everything. It's more of a casual thing. That's really the only game I'm playing. They're coming out with a survival mode which I'm pretty excited about. That's all I've got going on gaming-wise.

Yeah, when you just have to go out and buy games, you kind of put a lot more thought into it. I remember reading a lot more reviews on games before I went out and bought them and now on a whim you're just kind of like, yeah, it looks cool, click, and you're just kind of like yeah it looks cool click and you're

just downloading a game and you don't even start it so fallout 4 is supposed to be pretty good i haven't played fallout 3 yet but i bought it yeah it's just sitting on my hard drive or steam library or something i've never even opened it it's there when you need it though yeah i would skip fallout 3 i i there's probably some purists who disagree with me um uh fallout new vegas has or something. I've never even opened it. It's there when you need it, though. I would skip Fallout 3. There's probably some purists who would disagree with me. Fallout New Vegas is made by a different studio. I want to say Obsidian, but I'm probably wrong about that.

I prefer it. I prefer New Vegas to Fallout 3. I don't know if that's probably like a 50-50 kind of split decision with people, or I may even be in the minority, but I prefer that game. You're like, oh, this this is cool I'll download this uh and then it's like you're downloading it a shortcut on the desktop yeah why bother not even gonna play it before it's even downloaded oh this is another I wanted to mention this horseshit thing about that stupid game is that I didn't turn injuries off.

And so who knows every once in a while when I just start simming and it's like, man, I haven't gotten any new stats in like six months. Oh, it turns out you've had a broken collarbone for this whole time. And so it's basically like I've been sitting here for 20 minutes simulating a whole season for no reason. That sounds awful.

That sounds... You're just injured. By 2025, they can't fix a fucking collarbone in two seconds come on like it sounds way too realistic i'm imagining like nba games now like you just get a notification the rubber broke you're fucked they complain to you too they complain to you and you have to give them it's like you know the dialogue line that you get in fallout 4 yeah it's longer than that it'll say like some it's like, you know the dialogue line that you get in Fallout 4? Yeah. It's longer than that.

It'll say, like, some player will be like, you know, I've been doing great recently. And then it'll give you a response, and I'll be like, you know what? You have been doing great. Two thumbs up. And it'll say, morale has been lost as a result of this conversation. It's like, what could I have fucking said to make you smile? And then he goes out there and pouts on the ice,

and his stats go down. It's like you're in an argument with your girlfriend in a game. Yeah. She's mad at you. What? What did I say? I just hit I understand, and I'm sorry. I understand.

Every one of them. Yes, dear. Yes, dear. Yes, dear. I'm not getting enough ice time. I apologize. I'm sorry I'm a dick macro. Yeah.

That doesn't sound like any fun at all, Taylor. I'm sorry. That sounds like... It's fun in very small doses, and I'm trying to figure it out now. But I can only do the offline, be a GM and be a pro, or go online and get butt-fucked

by everyone who I play, and I don't want to do that because every time I get online, it's just a bloodbath. Someone who's so much better than me. Putting up scores that shouldn't be – it's like a basketball game but only on their side in the score. It's like 62 to nothing.

Really? I'm not that bad. I'll win every once in a while. But for the most part, people who are on there, play for keeps. I can play the regular computer set it like second hardest or whatever and be okay but if i play someone online no especially if they have a microphone in and could say talk to me talk trash as they're beating me no i don't like i remember during black ops one combat but my um so like hope had a friend and then of course like the

parents were kind of friends and uh yeah they go go badly. Anyway, the dad played Call of Duty 2. He's like, oh yeah, I play it all the time. Me and my friends play it. We go and this and that. And I'm like, you guys, like, do you play a lot? Like, are you good? He's like, yeah, we like win. He's only playing against bots.

What was it called in Black Ops when you could like training? Training mode or some shit. Yeah, yeah, training. They just went. I rule! He and his friends would get together and they're all mic'd up and they'd coordinate games against bots. That was all they played.

Oh, there's a guy inspecting a brick on a wall over here. He and his friends are literally the worst. They're the back tire of a Humvee. I got them. They're the best coordinated group of trash players of all time. They came from another game.

They played Rainbow Six or something. I'm sure I'm getting it wrong. They're all mic'd up in the coordinated and they only played against bots in Call of Duty. You can set those bots up so they're godlike and so good that they whip right around at you. When you just leave them regular, you'll have a clear line of sight down a hallway and then one of them

will just sneak across the hallway not even looking at you or trying to find you just laying up the kills so i don't know i think it may have varied from game to game but one of the main main components of their ai that stayed the same and and the way they changed the difficulty of the the opponents was how long does it take them to lock on to you? Now of course like if they're turned around and not looking at you they don't see you so they've got a field of view

and if you come within that field of view a timer starts and the harder the difficulty the shorter the timer. So with these dumb bots you might have like one full second or maybe two seconds. I don't know.

They could look at you and go, duh, and then they'll miss you badly too. Their accuracy is poor. But those hard bots, they see you and then they get on target perfectly. I'm going to say three quarters of a second,

half a second, something like that. Just a little bit slower than I am. I'm just fast enough that I can beat the hard bot every single time as long as we see each other at the same time. But when you're playing against a bunch of them, it is difficult. I remember the best bots being

impossible to play against. They were just amazingly good. They would no-scope you. They could work a sniper rifle better than you can. But there's a timer. You don't want to get in a gunfight with them certainly because they're a computer. But they don't shoot until they're you know that timer expires it was like they could see through walls too because sometimes like if you're playing against those hard bots you check the kill cam and it's just walking and then it stops and then you walk

around the corner and it lights you up like it knew where you were and where you were gonna be yeah i thought ronaldinho went negative against those bots and stuff i forget which game one of the early is he the black ops one or two i'm thinking one one i think black ops one yeah years ago it was so funny i'm thinking too years years ago you'd like have a mission and you'd walk up and hear uh one of the guards would be like, hey, don't move! And then, hmm, I gotta get my eyes checked. Leopard banter must be the wind. He'll take you right out of it. I kind of want you to try to confront me a little more and give me a little more of...

Like when you're pickpocketing people in Skyrim. Yeah, that's how stealth works in all those Bethesda games. You just root through people's things and then just say, no, thanks. You max through. If you're a good pickpocket or a good sneaky character, then you can literally be in the same room with the guy. He can be eating dinner and you're across the table from him

wearing a 1,000-pound suit of armor. And there's an icon above him that says hidden because he can't see you. He doesn't know. You can reach under the table, rifle through his pockets, take everything you want. You can even add your own things to his inventory

if you want. You can sneak the chicken right off his plate. You can put a grenade in his pocket and walk away and he'll explode and he'll never know what happened. Oh, that's hilarious. I love those games. I miss like like, the

in-play, when the first Half-Life came out, I played that and was just like, this is the most amazing thing I've ever played. And you were totally immersed in the game, and then playing EverQuest when it first came out, like, you really had this

feeling, oh, that's pretty cool. I know these lands lands and i know what i got i have to do and uh just never been able to really play a game that felt that immersive uh these days yeah one of the last one that you got people which really sucks it gets me in trouble so everquest was the last one that you got super obsessed with I tried World of Warcraft for a little while and Call of Duty I'm on all the time and fallout for

DLC is coming for that soon there have been a few that I've gotten into but never like... I think I was just amazed at that computer games had gotten that good at that point. Like, it was kind of the first... I kind of remember Doom

and how that looked, and then you're playing a game where it's like, oh, this is really amazing. So now you just expect it to be completely fucking incredible. So it's hard to be... Have you seen the... to be completely fucking incredible. Have you seen Doom now? It looks so amazing. Oh, the new Doom game that's coming out?

That looks sweet. And I've never even played a Doom game. I can remember, I don't know how old I was. I was way too young. It was like a friend's older brother had Doom. And we were playing a bit. And I don't even remember if I got the controls. But it was such a violent game that we had all heard of

but had never been even around that we were just gathered around watching the one guy play and just entertained by, oh my god, he's cutting him up with a chainsaw. And it's sort of like 8-bit bullshit, like blood cubes flying off and shit. It looks terrible, but we loved it at the time. Yeah, I liked Doom.

To me, I was older, so it was hot, and I had a PC that could play it. It fit on one floppy drive. It was less than 1.44 megabytes. It took the whole drive, but that was it. I beat Doom a bunch of times. I used to play it a bunch. I liked it. That's cool.

I remember my roommate, he had maybe Doom 3 on his PC, And I beat Doom a bunch of times. I used to play it a bunch. I liked it. That's cool. I remember my roommate, he had like maybe Doom 3 on his PC. And he had, I have no idea what the specs were, but he had like a fancy water-cooled PC with flashing lights and everything. So I assume he had a pretty nice PC at the time. This has been 8, 9, 10 years ago or whatever. And Doom on that, I remember just being frightening. Even in those days, the graphics were good enough that like it felt like you were it was scary

but I haven't played a modern Doom game I'd like to though it's a cool series and the graphics are always beautiful do you guys want to do any of the AMA questions let's see what we got here I linked them in the main chat there there's something the next iPhone

is rumored not to have a headphone jack. I'd like to hear your opinion on it. Have you heard that? Yeah, I've heard that. It's just going to have the... That's ridiculous. Where it plugs in, it would go into that lightning connector. So it's what, wireless?

Not wireless. Well, I guess that's possible. Oh, so it's not a headphone jack, but the headphones will have... A lightning connector. Okay, lightning. Yeah. that's i guess that's possible but oh so it's not a headphone jack but the headphones will have uh a lightning okay lightning yeah so what if you want to charge your phone and listen to something at the same time so there's two sides to look at it the one side is like you said that sucks right now with bluetooth of course you could do that charge your phone and listen to it the other side is what if you want noise canceling headphones but earpods? So now it can power headphones because it's hooked into the whole power system. And they're really limiting what headphones you could get, like third-party headphones that you could get.

Funny, because they just bought a headphone company, Beats by Dre, right? Oh, see, now I... Now everybody needs new headphones fucking headphone that plugs it or or you know your buddy hey you got headphones yeah okay let me plug that in and now you need again proprietary shit yeah it's actually hated a lot i i'm so i'm kind of an apple guy jobs is smiling in his grave i uh i buy a new iphone every two years i i sit there and look forward to them i read the rumor sites i have this mac air that i just love um but as to we'll see how things change as the phone details roll out but right now i'm like i think i'd skip

it fuck it you know like i've got these bows earphones i like to wear the noise canceling and stuff i'm i became happy with those i said i didn't like them a few weeks ago um i don't that to me is almost a showstopper i don't really yeah well i've got the minor wireless anyway so i'll just i think that's what i'm gonna do as well i'm gonna get an iphone this uh it's time to go again i'm gonna get an iphone i've had maybe four Androids in a row, and I'm going to go back. I'm going Samsung. I don't want that bullshit charger

that nobody ever has. I'm telling you, I'm going the opposite way. I've been through so many. These fucking things have so many weird issues that Apple just doesn't have. A lot of different Android phones do this random thing where they start clicking. Click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click.

And you're just like, what the fuck is my phone doing? Is it about to explode? And then it'll stop. Google it. It happens all the time. They overheat. They get really hot out of nowhere. They run tons of apps in the background that you don't know about. You gotta go in killing them. I saw that Facebook really drains the battery on it, which is weird. Like, why is Facebook draining your

battery so badly? The only time I've had, like, temperature problems have been with iPhones, though. And I'm not saying it doesn't mean these things don't happen. I don't even have a new nice one. These micro USB charging things, they suck. It's always... All four of the other phones or whatever,

I've gotten into the situation where you plug the charging cable in, and then you have to get it at an angle so that there's a bit of torque applied to the connection to make it actually connect. Isn't it nice to not have to worry about which direction it is, like up or down? I love that

about Apple. They finally did that. And then you're still dealing with the Samsung version with the mini. I don't know. I think the iPhone a a lot more user friendly too yeah not so many levels you got to go into to get to something that's definitely true

yeah yeah it's got a few features i like too i like the face like the i like the facetime thing on apple that's cool but for the most part i've just had so many tech issues with android phones like literally every one i've had i had had the LG G3, I think. It would overheat, shut down, and restart on its own. It wouldn't charge. I had to replace the battery pack twice. It would lag so badly when I was text messaging that I'm texting faster than it can recognize the text. And I'm not one of these tiny Japanese girls who's doing a thousand

words a minute. I can type fast, but not that fast. But I would type my whole sentence and then I would watch it form in front of me at a huge delay. And sometimes I would send a text message to one person and press back, back,

choose a new recipient, start sending them one, and then I just got to sit the phone down and wait for it to actually make all those things happen it was terrible i like the iphone a lot like and it just works for me everything about it works apple maps which were like widely lampooned when they first came out to me like google maps fucks up at least as often as apple maps to me and i like that i can tell it like you know give me directions home and then it just works uh i stopped using siri on the show I used to use it on the like I don't know get questions answered and stuff but in real life I still use Siri all the time she secretly got good when I

wasn't looking and I don't know it's getting better yeah they just they've been sitting there working on it all the time I because I haven't turned Siri on a phone in probably the last two phones I've bought because it was such a pain in the ass. I know, but if you use it now, you'd be surprised at the stuff she does. Like, hey, Siri, remind me tomorrow morning at 9 a.m. to wake up or whatever, and she'll do it. Hey, when I leave the house, set this alarm.

And it happened. It's like a thing that she does. Appointments. Oh, the timer's hard. the you know the voice recognition for directions is a really big deal although android has all that too yeah and it must have got infinitely better too because when i got i had siri on my iphone last iphone i had what was the first one that was on the 4s or the four the s probably the 4s maybe that's the one I had. Yeah. That thing never worked.

Yeah, that's why I just decided to turn them off on a subsequent phone I got. And this is... Siri, take me to Ted's Pub and Grill. I'm trying to show it off, and it's like, ding, ding, ding. The current president of Somalia is... Probably a lot of people wouldn't like this, but like my family's phones are all tied together. So we know where each other are. And that's so cute. It's like,

you're always holding hands. It's nice. Like, you know, I know where hope is. I know where Jackie is. Usually I want to know how long till they get home. That's the question I want answered.

And I can go in there about exit 10, you know, they'll be here in 10 minutes, 15 minutes. That's cool. Yeah. That's pretty neat. And we just want that on mine.

Yeah, it's not a privacy thing, but I have nothing to hide. There's never a minute of the day where we don't know where each other are. That's how you should have said it, Woody, is I've got it all in my family and Kyle's phone. I'm just amazed that he said, I have nothing to hide. I can't imagine that. Well, it's all in the forefront you know 80 of it at least yeah no so we all like no we can just look each other up this is where their phone is and stuff it really ruins the whole murder plans but otherwise it's it's good i've never been a fan of facetime even when

that first came out on there because you can't look good on facetime everyone has like a vince vaughn head when they turn that on. It's huge and encompassing. It's very not flattering. You've got to turn the phone horizontally. Then I'm talking to a phone like this. I hold it like this. I got you.

This is FaceTime. This is only for WorldStarHipHop yeah the first time you were on our thing my phone's not in my pocket but you were like this is how you hold your phone

this is how you hold your gun right gun in portrait mode phone in landscape mode get it right someone has a question just for me it seemed like riley was serious about inviting you to the sailboat would you consider doing it um yeah actually there's two sides of the story one that's literally one of my life's dreams like to go on a yacht and go sailing around the caribbean or I've got a feeling Raleigh would be going overboard.

I don't even know what you mean. Are you talking about the girl thing? I mean I'd throw him overboard. What do you mean? I would not do that. She'd come up and be like, where's Raleigh? He fell off miles ago. It would literally be a dream come true to be on a

sailboat like that going around. I'll have to make it happen. The other part of it is I need to clear it with my wife. Her mom is sick right now. It's a bad time to leave home. So we would have to make sure that she was okay with the timing. But I would never get on a sailboat with two people I really don't know and just sail off into the ocean that sounds horrifying and i and it just freaks me out to be in the middle of the ocean in the first

place yeah so basically anthony the two people we had as guests last week are a couple australians who uh just live their life on a boat sailing from place to place to place and those australians are the greatest with shit like that yeah we're we're just going to get on a bite. Don't worry about shacks. Just go off. I watched one of their videos, but I just watched a bit. But having them on the show, I thought she looked a little bit like Megan Fox. Didn't you think so?

I didn't put those pieces together. She's really pretty, but I swear to God, what I found most interesting about them was the way that they just made their own rules in life and did their thing. That poop grinding toilet they had was cool too. I don't want to live

that life. I want to visit. It was a poop grinding toilet? Yeah. Oh, you had to crank it oh you had to crank it and it let's keep like turn against one another and grind the turds like massage the poo into the ocean it's a pump of some sort yeah like one of those things all this stuff it does not exist like sofas or tires or things you could just throw in it yeah a smaller version for for shit. That's amazing.

I liked having them on the show. They were fun guests. I mostly really enjoyed looking at her, and I really enjoyed offending them as much as possible with their white guilt, like wanting to be all apologetic for those native peoples who were hissing at me. Oh, the big one for me was... Yeah, that was the island they went to,

and they were like, yeah, it was fun for the most part, but a lot of the males there, they just hiss at you. They just hiss at you like a cat. And they were like, I think Riley said something like, yeah, and it means sometimes, you know, you've got to be looking out for ripas. And it was like, that means that they want to rape you. And they were kind of like making excuses for a second of like, well, you know, their culture is different.

Until Kyle called them out. Yeah, their education was different. And Kyle was just like, stop making excuses for these rapists if you weren't there. Yeah, I thought I made two really good points. I was like, first of all, if some green mother, They're like, you know, you got to keep in mind, were these white people showing up there? They never see... I was like, first of all, if some green people fucking showed up, I wouldn't hiss at them.

I wouldn't try to rape them. I said that. Really? I think... We'll see. The fucking arts will let us know. And then the other part, though, was like, I know plenty of people who aren't very well educated,

and they would treat you like a gentleman. They would be very kind to you. They'd open the fucking door. They'd say, yes ma'am, no ma'am, and that would be it. They wouldn't hiss at you and you wouldn't be worried about them fucking raping you. These are people that couldn't solve four times X equals twelve. They'll hold the door for you.

Yeah. Some people are just better than others. We know that, right? Right. Sure, I'll join you. Yeah, we know. Nobody was like this. Everybody on the inside went, yeah, some people are better than others,

but I can't say that. Of course people are. Some people are. But yeah, invite me on the boat. I want to start working on my wife about it. That they started to get uncomfortable, and that was great. Yeah, that was my favorite part.

I was like, you need to do what Americans do. We didn't, like, sadly beat the Native Americans. We fucked them up because we were so far ahead on the tech tree. That was a victory. You know, stop apologizing for winning. You're supposed to win. That was what we did. It was a conquering time.

Uh-huh. It's like when you first start Mon start monopoly it's like you buy everything and then monopoly changes in the middle of the game when you've all owned something now you got a bargain with each other the buying part in world history was when we just like came in killed conquered got our shit all right now you all got now we got to deal with each other that's kind of how it worked back then i don't don't know why people feel so guilty. I saw some of our more social... The Aborigines, they got so defensive

of kind of prodding them with the Aborigine thing. And then right after that, he said something racist about Japanese people in regard to like... Yeah, you know what you call a keyhole? Yeah, he calls it a japsaw. A japsaw! And he just said it in that casual Australian racism of like,

yeah, I was pissing out my japsaw one day. And it's like, oh, what? You were just getting offended about racism, and now we just... Because that's good, because the South Pacific was just fucking, you know, a little bit of a problem in World War II. They were great. So that's kind of what he sees as being okay. I loved that.

I think some of our fans got uncomfortable because they're probably socially awkward in their day-to-day lives when our guest got uncomfortable at what eventually happens in the later hours of our show when we start watching belly button fucking porn and stuff. But stop being such a little pussy. Like, it's fun to see them see them like being uncomfortable and weirded out by by me telling taylor that i ran over a homeless man and killed him that's funny no you told them i

killed someone and then i had to run with that i told him i was there it helped you clean it up you know like a good friend does like like i was sharing your homeless murder or whatever. I was part of it. No, I like to be a prompt to podcast-less radio show handoff of, here you go. Keep going. This is what you did. Defend it. But every now and then I'd say something. They would just get wide-eyed like, did he really kill a hobo?

Yeah. Oh, by the way, when I was in Colorado, there were a lot of hobos, and I came up with a new term for the ones in cold weather. I call them snowbows. I like it, I like it. Snowbows. There are all these snowbows. But they can still get high, though.

That's the funny part. You can't be a snowbow and expect me to put any money in your cup if you got a joint. That's not gonna work. Yeah, that's true. You're having a great time here. I just worked. I couldn't smoke weed.

I couldn't do anything. I'm coming home from my job. You could just sit there and smoke pot all day, and now I'm supposed to give you money? We need a snowboard shirt. You're right. A snowboard shirt. Put that in there to remind me. We need a snowboard shirt. All right.

I got a thing. Here's another question. Way back when Taylor was still a guest, he mentioned his interest in doing a little stand-up comedy. I'm curious if anything ever came from that. Did you try it? How'd it go? Love it?

Hate it? Now, before you answer, I want to be like, this is a perfect example of an idea you have four years ago that they never let go of. For the rest of your online life, they're going to be like, how's the stand-up comedy going? We'll put it there next to Woody's Lab.

But anyway, answer the question. Right next to Woody's Lab. Yeah, yeah. We'll put it with my – when I do my Draw My Life, you can do your stand-up comedy. We'll be together. Yeah. Pretty much where I left it off, like I thought it would be a really fun thing to do. I have fun entertaining people, making them laugh.

I enjoy it. left it off like i thought it would be a really fun thing to do i have fun entertaining people making them laugh i enjoy it um i've like written stuff down before and it's just i don't know it the more you think about it the more intimidating it gets of like uh well like i what if like i'm kind of good at this but what if i get up there and nobody's biting and suddenly i suck and it turns out that you're not that funny in that regard you know maybe you're better at just playing off of people saying silly shit on the internet and not good at making an observation of some

fat fuck drinking too much at a club I don't know but yeah haven't really had any headway on it or done anything to move it kind of let that fall onto the back burner actually onto no burner it's not on any burner it's not you're a very funny guy It's not on any burner. It's not.

You're a very funny guy. It's cooling on the windowsill. Hey, Anthony, I want to hear your analysis. It's really funny. It seems to me to be one of the hardest things anyone can do. It's frightening to me. I've been on the radio for years. I've been in bands where I've sang but had a band behind me. One of the most horrific things, it seems to be,

to get up in front of a mic in front of a crowd of people and be like hey i honestly think i'm funny enough to make all you laugh yeah that's this hey what if it doesn't work yeah that's the big if it's like what if i just look like a goober up there i've talked to so many so many comics that go like well no you'll bomb every so often you but and they talk about it like it's nothing it's like oh so then what you shoot yourself in the head because that's kind of what you have to do at that point it was totally devastating no you're not obligated like i like david chapelle i remember he did this thing where he bombed and he's like you know what happens when you bomb nothing i get paid

just for the effort i get paid just for trying hey if this didn't go well that's fine i cash my check chapelle too like yeah i'm sure that 18 year old dave chapelle who wasn't getting paid regardless cared quite a bit when he was getting booed and he bombed the same thing is if it fits you though like you know what happens if you bomb? Nothing. It would just take one to get over a hump, like a learning hump, I think. But, God, it's so

intimidating. And that's basically exactly what Anthony said of what if you get up there and even if you can do this with way more people, you get up there in person and suddenly those 80 people aren't biting. Because this is because this is like with like we were saying earlier with twitter it's like you suck you suck hey i'm already fucking sitting there on the couch with a beer i did my shit you know and then i'll read that i

suck and do if you're sucking at the moment and people are telling you at that very moment you suck that's a whole nother goddamn thing and if you're on stage and you fucking suck right at the beginning and you still have to plow now i can see if people are laughing during your set you got five minutes at some club and the last 60 seconds 30 seconds whatever people are like oh that's not good you're you're like, oh, shit, I'm bombing. But people were laughing. That's one thing. If you're sucking right from the beginning and you're going, oh, fuck, I got five more minutes to suck. How do you keep the confidence to keep going and not run away like a scared kid?

Yeah, you just have to turn it on and be, hey, it's a little cold out there tonight. I got to tell you i and anthony said something that just struck home with me now so i've been in a couple environments where i wasn't alone but had to talk to people like this show on my twitch you know when we live streamed it it gets between like 5 000 and 25 000 people live watching at one time but i'm not alone and they're not in person. It's a different thing. I don't have any trouble with it. In person, I've been on panels where I'm one of four people. And in

that scenario, this is arrogant to say, every panel I've ever been on, I was the most funniest, I was the most interesting, whatever. It went really well. One was at MindCon, this big Minecraftcraft conference another i did vidcon this youtuber thing hubs of charisma tons everybody loves me so um but i went on a

stage by myself it was in new york city and everyone else was like a musician or something and they just wanted me to go out and like pimp a couple of things like hey don't forget about this thing here and this thing there, make everyone happy. And I thought I was fine. I said it in my head a couple of times. I get out on stage and it was filled with these teenage girls. It was like a Justin Bieber like audience.

Oh no. Which is not my audience at all. And I didn't like, even though I had said it in my head, like what I was gonna do and say a couple of times, 20 seconds before I got up there, they asked me to like add something like, Oh yeah, be sure to tell them about this,

this, and this. And I'm like, what? Oh no. And I'm fucked. And like, I get up there and all these screaming girls.

Woo. I get there. Silence. It's over. There's nothing. They're like, who's this guy? Why is my dad here? Yeah, yeah.

Oh, and that's the thing too. All these guys were, like everyone else in this event, was aspiring to be the next Justin Bieber, right? And there were some people they were excited, like Pentonix was there and some sort of known people. And me. And it gets to be total silence. And I do like the, you know, yeah, this is great, isn't it?

And I get some lukewarm yes. I mentioned this or that. Then I start throwing like, yeah, well, I came prepared for bombing. I had like video games and like freebies and shit that I threw into the crowd. And that got some cheers. And then I left. I'm not desperate. I'm not desperate.

Yes, totally. I was, oh, who wants Battlefront? I hate Battlefront. Yeah. crowd and that got some cheers and then i left i'm not desperate yeah and i gave out some video games to which they were all like you know like this way and they cheered this way and then they cheered and then i left and i felt like i escaped like not without damage it didn't like there was nothing to be proud of but at least i was off the stage solo is so much different It's being in a crowd Totally are there any cutters out there? Alone is scary and there's no bouncing off anyone else you know when you're doing the show and you're with somebody and obviously every so often there's crescendos and lulls and what when there's a lull you you're hoping you know someone else

will pick it up is that if you're just out there going oh my god i got nothing there's literally nothing unless you come up with it yeah and then like the fear on top of that is like oh well i guess the good comedians start riffing on people. Should I riff on people? Hey look at this. Look at this. Look at red shirt guy with glasses. You know what the fuck's up with him? I'm blind. Oh you got him. Look at this. I'm too good for the blue shirt guy. Oh my god.

I would laugh at that I think. Hey I'm a 14 year old girl I have cancer. Alright I'm sorry. Like if you did the meta joke that everyone else, like, you know, but I don't know, that made me laugh. It would work. Yeah, or like if you go into something like way too offensive,

way off the start, which seems like Jimmy does that a lot with his stand-up, is he just launches right into something horrific and then sees who sticks around. Yeah, you feel out the audience that way. I know what you've got to get away with. So you start with belly button fucking. And then you pull back. You don't give them all the belly button fucking.

You let them get a taste. Spoil them with it at the end. What do you think? You hear about women go ass to mouth, right? You pull your dick out of their butt and they put it right back in their mouth. What about going belly button to mouth? What do you think it would taste like?

You'd think ass to mouth would be the worst possible thing you could do, but belly button to mouth. I'd much rather lick an asshole than a woman's real gross. Hey, you know what? Yeah, yeah, because there's been that whole undercarriage thing. You'll just hit the fence, up, down, up, down. But the belly – no one ever goes full belly button. Yeah, there's not like –

Spread it. Get like in there. Try to get that little dollop of sweat that you can see at the bottom and laugh it up. Get it. A little bit of grit in there and a hair or two. You've got dilators that use that in gynecology offices. Oh, yeah. Let's get it wide.

Yeah. And those gross pornos like that, there's always an overly enthusiastic male guy there. You know, the male porn. He's like, yeah. gross pornos like that there's always an over and through overly enthusiastic male uh guy there you know the male porn she's like yeah oh yeah look at that asshole spreading and i'm just imagining it with her belly but yeah let's dilate that yeah yeah yeah let's get that wide over here i hate it when they get too medical Oh, yeah, man. Oh, yeah. He's like pulling it as far apart as he possibly can. And they're saying like, yeah. But also silly stuff like, yeah, hand in the cookie jar.

Hand in the cookie jar. It doesn't make sense, but they're there, you know? That's disgusting. I love it. Oh, it's awful. Oh, it's horrific. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, it's awful. Oh, it's horrific. Yeah. Yeah, and the belly button versus asshole debate. If it's someone whose belly button is capable of being moved to that extent, then chances are the asshole was long ago been blown out. Yeah, that's true. Most girls, if you're willing to go down on a girl's ass, she probably wouldn't have a belly button you could go even more than an eighth of an inch into.

What about some kind of body modification that would allow such a thing? Yeah, well, I'll discover that one. I haven't seen one of those yet. I would like the woman to somehow have some sort of a pouch installed at her belly button. a pouch installed in her belly button. You know, when you take the auto-blow apart, you've got this inner part that's just like a little bag

made out of the fake flesh material, and it's filled, you know, at the end, you've got a bag full of cum that you have to go and wash out in the sink. But what if you surgically inserted one of those into a woman's belly and used the orifice of the belly button to fuck it?

I feel like we're on the verge of some sort of abstinence in schools right now. And I think belly button fucking should be what we're teaching. Yeah. I got you. Yeah. No. I know there's lots of religious girls who will like, the first time they have sex, they have butt sex because they don't want to lose their virginity. Oh, that is common.

It is common. That's all the time. And you know what else is common? Those horribly obese children that we talked about before, they will soon be of prime premarital sex age. So we need to introduce them to belly button fucking. They seem like prime candidates for it. Yeah. So the first time in history where there's been a ton of...

This is the biggest Venn diagram in history. It's huge of disgusting fat people and the youth. That's the same. Concurrent circle. See where that came from. Yeah, right? And there's belly button fucking designed for this spot right there. It's where they need to be.

That niche area. Yeah. God, I wish we'd made the wings redemption porno. People talk about us not coming through with ideas, but the greatest ideas were the wings ones that didn't happen. It's going to make six grand, right? Five, I think. Five?

Yeah. So our friend is quite quite overweight at the time let's call him 425 pounds something like that and in general conversation on this show it came up you know would you do a porno for this he was in debt at the time wow and um and he at some point i basically you know i was like would you do it for this would you do for that it's one of those things where you're like would you suck a dick for this would you suck you do for that? It's one of those things where you're like, would you suck a dick for this? Would you suck a dick for that? And finally, I got him to admit, yes, I would star in a porno for $5,000

cash. And so the skills started moving. He needed some money at the time. And Woody found a fan or somebody who basically we made it happen so that there was gonna be he was gonna be in a porno, $5,000 he was gonna fuck a hot chick.

And he just backed out of the whole thing. Oh, man. I was like, oh, this would be great if we had our own porno. That's also semi-life-ruining. Another fun thing about this guy. What would a porno hold it back from that he's not already held back? We're missing out on an important thing. He is rumored to have enormously large testicles.

For some reason, apparently he's got a pair of bowling balls hanging down there. Or soft balls. Let's keep it in perspective. So I can't die without seeing him. A lot of times that rumor can happen because fat guys have – now we talked about my 600-pound life and how they don't have to blur out the naked bodies because the fat fills up like this whole area.

So a lot of times they'll be in pants and people will think, oh, he's got giant balls. But meanwhile, they're talking about like belly or pubis fat. It's like scrotal fusion that got it occurs yeah scrotal fusion yeah we're just all the skin around plays becomes ball sack you know we're just kind of mold does that happen do it yeah the body is stretching so much from the fat that it just borrows skin from the scrotum and slowly it encroach it no this doesn't happen no this is totally learning like in a medical sense here the story i've ever heard was a woman was laying on a couch so long

and she was so fat that her flesh like fused with the weave of the couch and went in between the little weave of material and she became one like like brundle fly with the the chamber when he came out and had part of the chamber on him and they had to cut the wall out the ems uh take her to the hospital with the cushions and then try to figure out how to get her off of this fucking couch how does that physically happen I can't you know that almost happened to me when Breaking Bad first hit Netflix watch it happens it happens a lot and that but ass uses with the cushion yeah do you think i've read about like it's it's such a slow build that one day she just went and then she's just like well this is this is reality

now this is my life i'm gonna have to get an ikea otomy in a few years to get this couch off my if let's say a week before it fused she pulled would it have like ripped some ass off of it or something like when did it actually become yeah this is part of my body now and not like oh i've ripped half my ass off with the couch yeah yeah at what point when she stands up does the couch come with her or does she stay with the couch yes i think you have to imagine like raw, moist skin and flesh. Like a tapioca pudding skin. It's raw and disgusting and it's healing to the fabric.

I heard there was a woman recently who was fused to her boyfriend's toilet seat. She had been in his bathroom for two, count them, two motherfucking years. He said that he asked her to come off the toilet many times, but she said she liked it in there and refused. He would feed her, give her all her meals on the toilet. You know he wasn't fucking her, because how do you fuck a giant bitch stuck to a toilet? Why is he telling her to stay in his house?

You stay on my toilet for more than, I don't know, two hours, and I'm calling somebody for you. No, that's the perfect crime, though. You know that nobody's going to come wrestle you off of a toilet where you could be mid shit and then force you out of the house you get off my toilet i don't even understand how you can throw into a toilet seat with like the porcelain like the couch makes sense because there's little gaps where it feels like uh material you gotta think about this a little bit now now just imagine an enormous ass right one as big as two couch cushions.

Yeah. Compressed onto a toilet seat. Well, the flesh goes around and then connects to itself. She had fused to herself with a toilet seat in her ass. They had to remove the seat from the toilet, and she had to take it in her ass to the fucking hospital. I once saw a car crash into a tree, and then the tree grew around and encompassed the car.

Right. Yeah, yeah. I've seen it with a bicycle. She is the tree. I don't like that. Finds a way. Except trees are beautiful things in nature, and she's an abomination. Who needs a toilet seat?

Just like the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park. We came full circle. I love it. I love it. Do you think that they should take those people to the hospital, or if you have grown into a toilet and you now live there, that's your residence. Do you think they just throw you off

that street and take you to the dump? Yeah, just dump you off at the city dump. As they're screaming, leaning on their toilet, what are you doing? What are you doing? They tip them into one of those car compactors, hearing the shattering porcelain and their awful, rancid, rotten flesh.

Kyle, is that gun loaded? No. No? It is now. Yeah. Oh, it is loaded. No. No.

There's no bullets in it at all. I said it backwards the second time. This is just a handling gun. First time you did it. For Brandison and such. It's a shooting gun. It's got the bullets in it. Does it really?

I don't think so. What kind of 1911? Yeah, this is a 1911. This is my AEC Nighthawk 1911. Oh, I like that one. I think I've shot it. You have guns at your disposal, just to play with, tinker with, whatever.

I do that with knives, actually. But I wish I had more guns just sitting on the table. But it doesn't work for me because I don't secure all my ammo. You should have guns. You know when gun control people talk about getting rid of all the guns, they go, wouldn't it be great if we got rid of all the guns? Then we wouldn't have to deal with people being shot. And my first answer is,

would you ever wanna be in a knife fight with somebody? Like, because now if someone comes in with a knife, the best you can do legally is challenge them with a knife. And now you gotta be this expert knifesman? Fuck you, I wanna shoot him. Yeah, what year is this that I'm having to swashbuckle with this guy

I'm doing this I'm knifing No one wants to be defeated Guns make it so much easier I got a samurai sword here somewhere That's what you want to go to Step aside But butch.

Yeah, nobody wants to be in a knife fight. I saw some YouTube video where this guy I guess this is a common thing to demonstrate how dangerous it is to get into a knife fight because you see it on TV and the guy just overextends himself and then the guy like Huzzah! And he just drops it. Crippled. But this guy was like, I'm a

trained defensive master or whatever and this guy attacking me isn't but he's got a crippled but this guy was like i'm a trained defensive master or whatever and this guy attacking me isn't but he's got a knife represented by this sharpie and i'm wearing a white t-shirt and white pants or whatever and you're gonna see that he he still gets me and at the end of it like the guy with the knife or the sharpie is down but there's lines and dots all over this guy's shirt where it's like yeah you're not getting him down and feeling good about yourself you're gonna be fucked up it's awful yeah yeah i it i mean i've never been in a fight and make that video i'd rather have the the greatest bestest thing ever invented to dispatch somebody if they want to kill me like i don't want to get into this protracted battle with some ancient weaponry. Yeah, you don't want to go, like, Gangs of New York style with, like, nails and bats.

Remember that flop that John C. Reilly had? I think I'm doing a shooting competition in, not this weekend, but like a week from when this video goes live. What is? I don't know exactly what it is, but he was like, you know, if you've got a pistol, a shotgun, and a rifle. Three gun. Yeah, it was called a three gun. But I don't know exactly how it works. I do know that you move a lot during it.

So, like, you'd, like like go to a target shoot shoot shoot go to the next spot do your thing and uh you know he was like if you've got the stuff you can come you can join us we'll we'll hang out and he's like it's kind of chill i don't expect to win or anything but uh yeah go to a shooting competition see what it's like yeah those are interesting it's um i mean you just described it's pistol rifle rifle, shotgun. Or sometimes it's, I've seen it be shotgun, carbine, and then like bolt gun, like for long range stuff. But yeah, it varies a ton. But there's a lot of moving around and stuff. Yeah, that's fun.

Yeah, that's the goal of it, have some fun. I did trap golf and bowling once, all in one day. Really? That was rough. Especially after shooting a shotgun trying to golf. And then the bowling was just done. Your arm is like this. You can't get anything going.

I'm bad at all three. I don't know why we did it. Probably booze. Drinking and shooting. Yeah, drinking, shooting. Well, shooting in the morning I think you start drinking in the afternoon when you can

golf balls I like trap I haven't shot a ton of it but I've shot a good bit I like skeet sporting clays most of all yeah shooting stuff out of the air is fun so I'm trying to look for another AMA yeah I'm looking through them here Yeah, shooting stuff out of the air is fine. So I'm trying to look for another AMA.

Yeah, I'm looking through them here. What was your first date experience with your current significant other? Taylor, do you want to go first? I don't know. I've talked about how I met Jackie a bunch of times. I got in trouble in college, community service. Her friend thought I was cute, introduced us, and that. But the first time we went out, I took her to dinner at, I don't know where.

Call it the equivalent of TGI Fridays or Ruby Tuesday or something. And she put too much ketchup on her hamburger. She still does. But it's ridiculous. It's like overflowing. It's leaking out the sides. Oh, I hate that. What a Seinfeld complaint.

That's a total Seinfeld complaint to have about a girl. She puts too much ketchup on her. You dumped her for that? I totally intentionally made fun of it and stared at it to make her self-conscious about it. She wonders why she dated me again. Wait, this was Jackie? Yeah. The question was, what was your first date experience with your current significant other?

Yeah, I think we did dinner and a movie. Oh, yeah, we saw a Dolly Parton movie, Straight Talk, and went to dinner. So dinner and a movie, and I was awful during the dinner did it escalate after straight talk um i think it did i think i made out with her in her parents basement that night nice that's it yeah smooth i'd answer that but is this before or after the arrest it says current so. Current, okay. I figured that your first date would be a little bit of heavy petting into some ground and pound. Exactly, whatever it takes.

I just try not to have any significant others since December 19th-ish. I think we went to a Mexican restaurant slash bar you have to re-enable your camera there we go

what were you saying Kyle? we went to a Mexican restaurant slash bar and had a couple drinks and then retired to a nearby hotel retired to it I'm sorry I can't even tell if you guys can hear me. I can hear you.

No, I can't see you, but you can hear you. You'll come back, I expect. Okay, I can see Anthony. Oh, anyway. Yeah, the first date with us, she made me beef ribs, and we ate those and watched a movie and then retired to the bedroom. Goddamn, all you people retired on your first date? Well, Woody, we're like twice younger than you.

I don't think I even made it to boob town on my first date. That's what happens now. It's great. It does sound glorious. Yep. Yep. Anthony's at the perfect time too. He already got the career under his belt got the moolah and now that's it i just i i just went out recently well within the

past couple of days and uh it was great little dinner really nice and then uh hung out here at the house. We watched like Investigate Discovery, about 18 hours of murders. And then, yeah, retired. If we're talking about bad first ones, this was from high school where

I went to, one of those girls, it was such a high school way for it to happen. One of those girls' friends came such a high school way for it to happen. One of these girls' friends came to me and was like, hey, so-and-so thinks you're cute and wants you to ask her out and take her on a date or something. And I was like, all right, well, I'm 16 now. Now it finally makes sense because I can actually drive somewhere and get someone because I was never about it before I could drive

where it was like, hey, me and my mom will get you at 8, where it's just uncomfortable. And so when I showed up at this dude's uh this lady oh oh this dude's house can't tell me more uh no i went to the to her house and this dude opened the door who was way too young to be her dad and it turns out that her stepdad i guess where it was one of those stepdad situations where his mom like really hunted down the age ladder and so her stepdad was like 31 at the time and i was like 16 and he was a bodybuilder and was trying to give off this vibe of like you don't fuck with her you know don't be don't be getting out of my way and i was almost sitting there like this is too cliche that this is a

bodybuilder guy on a first date chick and uh basically we just sat around while he watched us for a while then we went to go get in the hot tub where he also watched us from inside on the couch. Oh, God. I just left. It was awful. I told her I was going to take her to Red Robin, and then I just left. I remember. I was like, I'm not going to go anywhere.

This fucking weirdo with giant bicep veins. I had to go inside to pick up Jackie on our first date. Her father was like that, too. He owned a weightlifting club and he had these big biceps. He was just a big strong guy. And like the first time I met him and shook his hand he asked me if I was going to marry Jackie.

But I came up with a one-liner on the spot. I'm like, I'll do it if she comes with that Jeep. And that was my opening line to meet her dad. It'd be funny if you messed it up and you're like, I'll do it if she comes with that Jeep. And that was my opening line to meet her dad. It'd be funny if you messed it up and you're like, I'll do it if she comes in that Jeep. I mean, what? Goodbye. A whole different

world could have unfolded at that moment. So close. You would no longer have to think of hypothetical single Woody. Single Woody. Is my camera working? I don't know what the situation is. longer have to think of hypothetical single Woody. Single Woody. Is my camera working? I don't know what the situation is. It's not, but I don't want to do the call again and risk

exposing the text to the right. You want to call the show? Yeah, I could do that. I had a great time. I did too. Thank you for coming on, Anthony. I always enjoy it. A lot of fun, you guys. Always. Check out our sponsors down below in the description. Ring.com, of course.

Trunk Club and Club W. Yeah. Annotations all over the place. Click them. And Anthony, where do they find your show? Oh, my goodness. AnthonyKumia.com. We got about five other shows also now on the whole network.

It's amazing. And yeah, AnthonyKumia.com. Just go there for all your Anthony Kumia needs. Awesome. That was Pinkularity271.