Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #274

Episode Date: March 25, 2016

This week on PKA, our guest is MMA fighter and military bad ass, Tim Kennedy, the guys discuss nazi hunting & pirates, Kyle pranking Woody and rating some attractive black women.

Painkiller already episode 274 goodness gracious. Damn. Yeah, it's been going on for a while. Our guest is Tim Kennedy. I just a bug just flew at me. We want to thank our guests before we get started Club W, Squarespace, Tracker, and Warby Parker. It's in the description. We'll talk more about them later in the show. Our guest is Tim Kennedy We're very excited about that and Will they be able to tell the difference in the new service that we're using tonight? I hope they can't. Or will it just be seamless for the audience? Yeah, we'll see.

Good. We're trying a new thing tonight. I think it's going to make things smooth. Yeah, the video watching is way better. They will notice that, perhaps. Tim Kennedy is a UFC fighter. He's currently ranked number 7th, but that ranking is bullshit because he beat, like, five of the people above him. Something like that.

Three. All right. And Green Beret, paratrooper. I'm probably messing some of this up. And currently a, what are you, a special, like, security guard fighting pirates or something? What are you doing lately, Tim? Yes, I do that. If it involves being behind a gun, I pretty much do it.

Most recently, I've been doing a lot of television. We're chasing down Nazis in South America, which is fun. It's way better than pirates. What? That's a thing? There's still Nazis in South America? Yeah, they. It's way better than pirates. That's a thing? There's still Nazis in South America? Yeah, they're really old, so it's kind of depressing. Is that true? You're creeping up on Nazis. They're in walkers.

No. Dude, they're not even in walkers. They're in their deathbed. And then you're like, oh, hey, all that stuff that you gave to your kids and your grandkids we're gonna go ahead and assume all of those assets because you're a horrible person and you shouldn't have lived this long you should have died 60 years ago but whatever oh oh kyle wow yeah some good old sins of the father biblical shit we know you had nothing to

do with it, but sorry. Go into the slums. Yeah. Well, they'll never really be in the slums, but I don't really feel that guilty. Seven million Jews is kind of a lot of Jews. I'd say too many. You're going to go out on a limb there.

I'm not afraid to make that a stance. Honestly, until the last 30 seconds, I would have put money that you were joking about the Nazis in South America thing. No, not joking. Wow. Nazis, how old? They have to be in their 80s, right? 90s.

90s. Oh, my God. You know, this ties back to my, if you live an absolutely terrible life, but it works out for you until like 93, it might have just worked out for you, period. Right? Like, what's it going to be a jail for the last month? If you're on your deathbed and then some gringo walks in and is like, hey, that big huge ranch that you left for your kids, we're going to take that. And then everything that they have in their bank accounts that is connected to you in any way, we're going to take that too. Okay, I'll admit that sucks, but his kids are like 70, right?

So even his kids did pretty well for a really long time. Oh my god, I'm such an idiot. I was picturing children. Oh my god, I'm a fucking retard. This guy's great grandkids are old enough to vote. If his kids are in their 70s then their kids might be in their 40s and 50s. His grandkids

had a pretty good run at all these seized Jewish things from the previous century. He's so old that he's estranged had a pretty good run at all these like seized Jewish things from the previous century. Yeah, like – He's so old that he's like estranged from the youngest members of his family where when they hear about it, like, great-uncle Ted's a fucking Nazi. They'll be like, well, he did bounce me weird on his knee. Oh, that's what that swastika tattoo on his neck was from.

God, I'm so idiot. Should have put it together. I just really liked American History X. He was a big England fan. It was on repeat constantly.

Only a couple scenes though. Really weird. Same scenes. So you're filming a TV show with who? So we did the first season was called Hunting Hitler.

It was on the History Channel. And we looked at if it was possible, had Hitler escaped out of the bunker in 1945, what would he have done? So my end, they brought in – when they hired me, they needed a guy that could use UAVs, that knew ground-pen that had hunted people like high value targets type people. And I re I did it in reverse. So I started where if I was him, where would I have gone? And then kind of followed the rat lines back to Argentina. And then to prove my theories,

to see if it would have worked, we had to find other Nazis that had done that same thing, which is where the depressing part comes in. Oh. Wow. Yeah. So what's the reaction like when you walk in, and I'm sure some of them are like,

alright, well fuck, I'm getting my comeuppance, and our other ones just like, eh! Like they have no idea why you're there. Dude, they've been lying for so long. They still won't admit it. Like, hey, look, here's a picture of you. Here's your military ID card. Here's the address that you lived when you were in Berlin.

This is the boat that you came here on. Here's the day that you landed. Here's your signature that matches your signature in germany um and i apologize i don't even speak english or read english i don't i've been here my whole life second guess yourself though because that's what i would be doing like if i caught this guy and we had all this information he's like none of this seems familiar i i would be like huh is are we sure this is the dude no um yeah i mean you have to understand the culture of Nazism and the secret, especially since 1945, the way that they've behaved.

Living in Brazil, Colombia, Argentina, they've had to live this way through countless presidents, some of which supported them like Peron, like Evita's husband. You know, Evita, that girl. Her husband was very supportive of the Nazis and he was actually part of the Nazi party. But then two presidents after him, uh, they started a commission to track down Nazis. So then these guys all like shuffled and had to hide and hopping borders. So they've been doing this a really long time. Um, and they got really good at it. There's

areas in Argentina that still exclusively speak German. Me being a big red bearded white guy, I walk into a coffee shop and they're just sitting there talking German to me. I was like, I don't know, I don't speak any German dude. Let's speak Spanish. I speak Spanish. I'm in Argentina. Can we speak Spanish? Is that cool? Can I order a coffee? That's weird. Wow. So how many notches are you doing?

To answer your original question, what am I doing? I'm doing television. I'm still training for a fight. I still go to Africa to try to find poachers. I haven't been looking for pirates very recently. I'm trying to bait ISIS to try to come and kill me, but they're a bunch of pussies, so they're not going to do that. I told everyone about your t-shirt. I was looking forward to you coming on the show.

I guess, am I going to mess this up? Did the CIA contact you and say that they had a credible threat? That would have been cooler, but no, it was the FBI. As long as it wasn't Twitter. Like, go fuck you, go die. Take it a little seriously. I get my death threats on YouTube, and they're just fat rednecks. like i mix it as long as it wasn't twitter you know like oh fuck you go die like you take it

a little seriously i get my death threats on youtube and they're just fat rednecks so yeah that i i can aspire to that you know you have me though i don't have a lot of no no no if you saw the video you wouldn't be impressed he's just some dude driving holding a cell phone i don't know. Any dude taking a video, especially if he's fat, I think it's kind of humorous and entertaining. It's like, I'm going to kill you. You're like, don't mind my man boobs and my paps over there. I like the blue ribbon. Hey, Henrietta, bring me something to drink. I'm going to kill you, though.

I do that hilarious. So it's – so the FBI reached out to you. Real quick, on your hierarchy of evil, I want to know where pirates, ISIS, Nazis. Who's number one? Like, are the poachers, you're kind of like, you're bad, but they're animals. And then at the top, you're putting Nazis. or I guess ISIS because they're more relevant now. None of them are 90. Man, so taking the Nazis out of it, people don't really obviously from your question,

very few people understand or appreciate that they're all the same. Whether you're a poacher or a human trafficker or you work for the drug cartel or you're smuggling guns or you're in ISIS, all of the money is all of the same money. So while you're saying, yes, they only kill, the poachers only kill animals, the money that they make off of that in the black market, that goes and supports eventually terrorism,

as does human trafficking, as do the drug cartels as do weapon smuggling um dirty money's dirty money regardless of what you're doing or where you are if you're in africa or south america if you're a dirt bag in one way or another you're separated by one degree from a dirt bag that's doing something else different um so i hate them all equally i like putting them in the ground all equal see i that wouldn't be me i'd put isis number one nazis because you know never forget they're going number two poachers are going to be last because animals i like them but they're not people they don't deserve this like i don't get nearly as even if it's like a damn near extinct

animal it's like if killing that would save like 10 people with an awful disease do it yeah but imagine if um killing that animal also in effect kills an entire group of people um maybe but these animals that they're protecting like those rhinos like they barely even fuck enough to procreate, much less have a meaningful impact on an area that large ecologically. The microeconomics around poaching kills thousands

of people, humans. What are you giggling at, Kyle? You froze up for me. I think Kyle's real delayed. I'm laughing at you. Yeah, I'm really delayed, so I'm not able to put anything in. So it probably seems like I'm laughing at inappropriate times. But it's just I'm laughing at your jokes in a delay. Taylor, question for you.

How do you stack rank a CEO who moves manufacturing overseas and puts people out of work versus a poacher who kills but they're animals oh what what company is the ceo of carrier they make air conditioners oh man i can't take a stance on that that was a good answer though because i like uh yeah i would still say that i'd say the poachers are worse there because creatures are dying. No, actually, no, the CEO. Because way more people are getting impacted, and that's going to affect a lot more lives. Like, maybe that sends a kid into crime, huh? Get shot, you know?

Something like that. Meanwhile, no rhinos. Well, no, I was about to say no rhinos are worried about getting shot, but that's not necessarily the case. No, they're definitely worried about that. I don't know if they're thinking it through, really, but yeah. Rhinos are probably terrified because they know if they're thinking it through, really. Rhinos are probably terrified because they know that they're one of the last ones.

Any of you guys wearing green, by the way? I am. It's bad lighting, but this is definitely green. I changed it out a bit. Because Taylor hates the Irish, that's why. Are you Scottish? Oh, Tim. This is a hard question. What's it like to fight in the ufc

are you nervous headed into a fight are you like fuck why did i sign up for this um i'm usually laughing in the ufc there are people who think that who were like yeah you know if i could change my mind if nobody was watching i'd totally rather be watching Netflix. There are guys, probably most of them. Yeah, but you're never going to become the world champion if you're just Netflixing and chilling all the time. While Netflix

and chilling is fun, punching dudes in the face for money is also fun. I don't have any nerves about fighting. I've never gotten sick. He's taking on ISIS. I know, but I don't know.

Cowboy Cerrone, Chael Sonnen, these guys have both said that beforehand they feel pressure, some nerves. Cowboy, I think, talked about the expectations of all the people like everyone around him thinks that he's going to kick this guy's ass but he's like dude that guy's a ufc fighter too that guy trains just as much as i do this is not an easy day at the office okay cowboys one of my friends we're one of training partners we come from the same same camp i've been on the same fight card as him um he while he might be a super humble dude and saying he gets nervous um and a certain amount of nerves like anxiousness is good like you want to have um to a degree this not reservation but um this adrenaline about what you're about to do

that makes you faster that makes you more acute. Adrenaline is a hell of a drug. So I think Cowboy optimizes that to a healthy level. I think he's just being candid and humble by saying that he's honestly nervous because he's one hell of a fighter. And he probably has a way less a lot less nerves than his opponent

I I wouldn't doubt it yeah he's he's pretty cool you one of the things you were talking about I think it was Cowboy and

you were talking about how hard you train that you worked very hard in training and very hard in camp and Cowboy seems to just sort of have it

regardless of how hard he trains is that you still stand by that you know what I'm talking about yeah oh absolutely um he is very talented uh but he's also a really hard worker um I would be it would be unfair to say that he didn't train um like John Jones for example when he first won uh the first couple of title defenses he pretty much would just kind of come in and train when he felt like it uh because he is so ridiculously talented you know probably the most talented mma fighter to date um you know if he had if he had cowboyboy Cerrone's work ethic, he, you know,

I can't even imagine what that John Jones would look like. Um, he's definitely turned a new page and he's training harder than I've ever, you know, heard him train. Um, Cowboy, he lives, he lives the Cowboy life. You know, he's, if he's not in the gym, he's on the back of a horse. If he's not in the back of the horse, then he's on water skis going way too fast on a lake that he probably shouldn't be on. Yeah, traditional cowboy stuff. Yeah.

He lives it. He's the embodiment of that lifestyle. Yeah. When are you going to fight again? I see you on Twitter looking for fights all the time. Dude! So when are you going to fight again? I see you on Twitter looking for fights all the time. Dude. I don't know. I don't know what else I could do at this point to get a fight.

Anderson Silva is the matchup for you. No, he said no. He's such a pussy. He has a big old vagina. He doesn't have steroids anymore. Without the steroids, I'd want several doses of steroids before I fought you as well. Maybe years and decades.

Back it up two steps for those of us who aren't following UFC really closely. You're looking for fights trolling people on Twitter or just being like, hey, you fight me and we'll make money on it? I've definitely been trolling nonstop. I'll go on and and uh like tell musashi that you know he can't have the fight that he's looking for and he's like oh you're shut up you're inactive i'm like no the only thing inactive

is my herpes which i probably gave to you last time we're in the locker room together and then there's like a language barrier and he doesn't understand that I just pretty much insinuated that we are gay together. Oh, that's such a Mousasi thing. He has no idea who Mousasi is. Tim, I like the way Tim calls out people. I'm sorry to talk. He really wanted him to talk. There are fighters who are like, F you, man.

I'm going to fuck you up. You're not as tough as you think you are, et cetera. Tim will like grab an Asian guy and say, you know what? I don't think you're a particularly good driver right and that will be like his call out and who was that was that okami i don't even know but that's a real thing yeah yeah i did it to kung lee and okami okay okay um kung lee and okami are they they're fighters as well yes they're They're Asian. I was being racist. I picked that up. It's a stereotype that they can't drive well.

Yeah, the Okami clued me in. Yeah, and then I've been nonstop with the Brazilians. Every time a Brazilian is available for a fight, I obviously make fun of their heritage, and then I make fun of their predilection to use steroids. Then I also make fun of their bad hairstyle. their predilection to use steroids. Then I also make fun of their bad hairstyle. The,

I heard of this stat, Jose Aldo's camp is something I'm going to mess it up two and seven, one and nine. Since they started doing the steroid testing, the USADA stuff. Tricky how that works. Doesn't it? Coincidental.

I suspect. No. Yeah. I'm not saying causation, you know, equals correlation, but a correlation is causation the but yeah it absolutely is in this case like 100 percent uh yeah i agree i don't know do you would you like would you like my sport more if we had hockey sticks in the cage with us no oh no actually that would they'd be

way too quick of matches because it would just i don't know i could i could have a pretty good fight with a hockey stick i think actually that would that would be good because you'd suddenly swordsmanship would get into it quite a bit more and it'd be like take out the hockey stick let's just say we had to wear hockey jerseys you know like the yeah that'd make it better yeah yeah five of you on each team just beating the shit out of me if you had talked to me like 10 years ago i would have said everyone do steroids it'd be so much fun to watch etc as if these weren't real people but um i don't i'm friends friends with Joe Lozon. I'm sure you know Joe. I still thought that.

Joe is clean. I don't know how well you know Joe, but he doesn't even take ibuprofen. He's a very clean fighter. And I think to myself, like, damn it, dude. He's had a whole career. I think he has like 22 UFC fights, something close to that. Maybe it's 20. Anyway,

he must have bumped into somebody with steroids along the way like that sucks like there's no way well i mean statistically if we're going to look at the the era in which he fought half of his fights were against a ped user i wouldn't argue against that all yeah performance enhancing drugs is it like of that half are most of them just the same just the same level of steroids or is there a ton of stuff mixed in there um no there's a ton of stuff mixed in there uh i mean you have guys that are just ridiculous with their steroid use like vieter belfort you know he's failed like three times um that's another guy that i've called out a handful of times um you

know at this point you know it's affected his his mal down here, so now he has to use them so he can actually just have some form of a sex life. Yes, I'm trying to call him out right now. So Joe, his career, 50% of those fights – if this was baseball or soccer, it would be a different story. But we are knocking each other out and trying to choke each other unconscious. And it is brutal and completely unfair when somebody is cheating. Can you tell in the ring, in the moment, like when someone grabs you and you feel like maybe an unnatural strength, like do you know right away? Or you probably have known for a while watching him train.

So I find this guy, you well, Romero. And I didn't know if, uh, cause he likes the Jesus a lot. I, I too like Jesus,

but he really likes Jesus. He's a huge fan. And, um, yeah, I thought he might be, uh, like filled with the Holy spirit.

Uh, but then later he failed a steroid test and I was like, all right, it wasn't the Holy Spirit. It was the steroids. I'm terrible at sarcasm. Did you actually think Yole might have been clean? Did you think that for a second? Yeah, no, no, no, no. I never thought he was clean ever.

Yeah, he's – Before the fight, I was saying that he's a cheater in every single way, both inside the octagon and outside of the octagon. Yeah, so no. There's a cheater in every single way, both inside the octagon and outside of the octagon. Yeah, so no. There's a couple things about it. One, of course, I hate to apply the eye test. You know, like you, for example, are a thickly muscled guy who I don't think is on steroids. But I'm saying that because the eye test can be inaccurate. But Romero, oh, my God, hugest eye test failure ever.

Just looking at the guy, you're like humans don't look like that. He's like an action figure. Yeah. It's crazy. You can see the cycle changes in his athletic shape. You know, if you look at me from me being a collegiate athlete a really long time ago, let's not talk about how long ago that was to today, I haven't really changed much. Yeah, I've always been – like my dad was an Olympic athlete.

Like I got some stupid genetics. But I get called out all the time. Dude, look at – like no natural person has eight abs. I was like, well, you know what, Mitch? I work out three times a day. And do you know what I had for dinner? Let's look. There it is right there. Can you see it?

Oh, that's a dinner of sadness. Yeah, there's nothing good on that plate. There's no one else there. It's turkey and vegetables. That sucks. So that's why you have to spice up your life with pirates and ISIS is you're eating boiled chicken and carrots every night. Yeah, seriously.

Some sort of excitement. At this point, I'm either going to suck start a shotgun, with pirates and ISIS is you're eating boiled chicken and carrots every night. Seriously. At this point, I'm either going to suck start a shotgun, hop in a bathtub, lukewarm with some razor blades and vodka, or I'm going to go hunt down some ISIS. I want to try to get... Yoel Romero pooped himself in the cage. Three times. Different fights?

Three different fights. Sometimes people use diuretics to help them make weight. And if you poop yourself in the cage the next day. That's an indicator. Perfect. That's an indicator. I'm not sick. Wait, isn't that illegal?

Yeah, that's not. You can't take a diuretic? No, you're not supposed to do that. Yeah. So if a guy's shitting himself in the cage the next day, he probably is loaded with laxatives. That helps you be a bigger human in a smaller weight class. Why risk it?

Why risk shitting yourself in front of people? Even the fights that he defecated on himself and his opponent, he still won those fights. No, that should be a forfeit. I agree.

Every other sport. You can't just shit your pants running for a touchdown, and it fills up those tight little pants, and everybody backs off the tackle and then just call that six points. This is the first time that we can read out something. So, yeah, I agree with you. I concur. I concur as well.

Yeah, that's silly. You mentioned that one of the guys. I concur. I concur as well. Yeah, that's silly. You mentioned that one of the guys was really dirty in the cage as well. What's something, you know, like I know what dirty shit is in other sports, but in UFC, what's like a telltale dirty thing that someone watching it as a novice might not pick up? Kicks to the groin. Pokes to the eyeball. Grabbing the cage. Like when somebody's trying to take you down, you're like, I don't want to go on the ground. I'm going to hold on to the groin, pokes to the eyeball, grabbing the cage. Like when somebody's trying to take you down, you're like,

I don't want to go on the ground. I'm going to hold on to the cage. That's cheating. Not getting off your stool in between rounds. So like let's say in between round one and round two, you have 60 seconds to recover to move into round two. If you don't come out after 60 seconds you are supposed to lose um but then you can do like little things like spill your ice bucket and be like oh no if like if you're really tired or you're hurt you're like i spilt my ice hold on or you leave the stool in or you

put too much vaseline on so the ref have to clean it off and that whole entire time you're just sitting there going oh no i'm gonna stay bitches no i'm gonna stay, I'm going to stay, bitches. No, I'm going to stay. Okay, I'm ready to fight. You know, so there are a ton of ways that you can cheat in the ring. You know, and for people that don't know,

Yul Romero did that exact thing against Tim Kennedy at the end of, I don't know if it was the first or the second, but Tim had the guy knocked out. He got saved by the bell.

What did you say? I'm just agreeing and crying. He was knocked out. He got saved by the bell. What did you say? I'm just agreeing and crying. He was knocked out. He got saved by the bell in between rounds. And then after 60 seconds, he effectively couldn't answer the bell. And that's a forfeit. So his corner did all kinds of

weird old school boxing tricks where they like... I think they failed to get the stool out in time they did it was called stool gate which is really weird well that's not gate number two because still gate number one was the pooping um yeah so and i guess four i didn't know about the other two but uh uh yeah so they like didn't remove the stool and they don't just like start the fighters in there while there's a stool. That would be too dangerous. He used that extra time to recover,

and then he actually came back and won, which sucks because he lost. That was a major failure on my part, though. I thought the fight was over. I thought the fight was over not once, but twice. When I didn't realize he was saved by the bell, I was celebrating. I was like, yeah, woo!

I thought John McCarthy called the fight off. So then I went back to my corner, and I'm celebrating for 60 seconds, still screaming. I'm pointing at Dana White being like, yo, you're going to pay me. And then the ding, the bell. I was like, oh, what's going on? I guess we're fighting so i walk over to john to the ref uh to to say hey are we fighting and he's like no go back to your corner and i was like

oh awesome you know that's he's still sitting down and he's he's sitting there telling him no mas no mas um so i was like sweet i again. I got two wins in one night. I wonder if they pay me my win bonus double. They should. Yeah, they did not. So then about a minute later, he's like, all right, now you guys can fight. I was like, what? I had all but taken my gloves off.

Like you weren't sort of mentally ready for a fight. I was gone. Yeah, I was completely mentally gone. Yeah, I was thinking about coming back to my bodacious brunette of a wife. I watched that. Man, what an awful feeling to just finish beating the shit out of someone. You are already celebrating, and then somebody's like, oh, no. No, that animal over there, you're not done beating him up yet.

Get in there. Like, start fighting. And you're already thinking about dinner. We were at, like, this opposite. If we were on a graph you know like i'm going this way leaving and he's going this way trying to come back into the fight so we couldn't have been you can't see my hands now but like one's way over there and this one's like way over here so they're like really far apart very far that fight was i watched it live

and um like i was convinced you were going to win. I was sure of it. But I didn't know how because Yul Romero like – the line I use is the perfect specimen, right? If aliens wanted to come to earth and grab like a perfect male specimen, they might return with him. He's all roided up. But he's like – I'm just like how is Tim going to do this? And then you did. And I did.

And then they undid it and then he cheated and got it so to answer your question there's lots of ways to cheat yeah wow it's i've watched enough just sitting around like i've noticed a couple times like hits to the back of the head i know that's illegal but i never see the dish hooking in the eye gouging there must be some some stealthy motherfuckers with that, right? You'll get kicked out. So the eye pokes happen a lot. So instead of like punching with a closed fist like this,

you know, like pow, you go like pow, pow. Oh. Yeah. And sometimes you're just trying to defend yourself, and you're like blocking, and then you stick your finger in the dude's eye and he's like, ah! And then, boom! And you knock him out.

Sometimes long guys in particular will just use their long arms and their long fingers to keep you out of range. And while it's cheating, sometimes I don't know if they had cheating in their intent. I get mixed up. I agree. Not all the time. So, I guess you... I'm like, when are you going to fight again? How much am I lagging now?

You're lagging. Are you... Smoke? Fire. That's the line. God, get out of here. It's terrible. I don't know dude so green beret what's that like i i i find that almost nobody

who does really i don't know how to more respectfully phrase super interesting things in the armed forces actually talks about their super interesting things in the armed forces actually talks about their super interesting things in the armed forces i have no military background um the navy seals talk about it a lot okay i like hey oh man i just did something really cool hey let's make a movie yeah i just did something really cool let's write a book everyone pokes at us into that. That's a TV show. Where have you served? Can you talk about some of the places you've served? Name it.

I mean, everywhere. I think you'd be pretty challenged to find or name a place that I haven't worked. Obviously, Iraq and Afghanistan a ton. And everywhere in all countries that are touching those same countries. You're too young for Somalia. What. You're too young for Somalia? What? Are you too young for Somalia? We were there.

That's where Black Hawk Down was. Yeah, I'm too young for the good old Black Hawk Down era. I have been there for other things, though. Okay. Yeah, that was like 10 years before me. I'm old. But Shugart and Gordon are two of my heroes. I like worship those guys.

You're a sniper. I am. Yeah, they're graduates from my sniper school. So there's only like, yeah, there's like six sniper schools in the military, you know. Mine's the best and most elite, obviously. And it's a pretty good school. It's a prestigious school and they are worshipped there.

So yeah, for people to know, he's both a sniper and a sniper instructor. And I don't know, I am an average shot amongst untrained people I'm an average shot amongst the people I shoot with I'm doing a three gun competition on Saturday that's awesome yeah you see Keanu Reeves video he's much better than me yeah he was pretty good he looked legit to me yeah I mean you know obviously that that's a pre-stage rehearsed scene from a movie you know he's probably shot that same series you know one or two hundred times I didn't

think about that I bet you're right he's done that exact same motion he's I just assumed it was his first time doing that I don don't know why. I'm an idiot. No, there's no way Keanu just waltzes in there after all those bad movies and busts that out. I thought it was him training. His fundamentals were really good, though. Even though it had been rehearsed, we couldn't take that out of it, even though it was. He did all the things the correct way.

So he looks really great. I'm excited to see John wick too me too yeah yeah um yeah that was it was better than what i thought is he was doing i thought he was doing a three gun competition to develop more gun skills so he'll just be that much better at gun fu that's what i thought i was looking at maybe oh he did so he definitely does do three gun competitions. That was not that. Okay. That was a rehearsal. Yeah, but I was very impressed.

Oh, as I was. Yeah. That sounded like Yoda. It got by me. No, it just sounded wise. So you sound like you're so busy constantly with just all these things. Do you ever get down time what are your for fun hobbies where you're not trying to help someone

or get better at killing people or fighting any of those things do you ever just unwind a book, glass of wine video game I don't think I have a day off until July I'm there too.

All right. So no. I'm booked from now until July. That's crazy. Yeah. Wow. Well, congrats. That's a good thing.

Good problem to have, right? Is it? I don't know, man. I'm trying to – I want to ask a real question. I've been approached with TV shows before, nothing that solid. I don't mean to overstate it. But first year paid like nothing.

It was really like, oh, yeah, first year, it might have literally paid nothing. Second year paid almost nothing. And then if you get to like 100 episodes or something, then it becomes a big deal. Is your first year better than – did they give you a good deal? I mean, so, you know, I'm not the normal first year actor. Right. You know, when you're bringing a guy

that's a special forces sniper, a Green Beret, a Ranger, you know, that's been, you know, speaks languages, been to a bunch of countries, you know, he's ranked top 10 in the world as an athlete. That changes your pay scale a little bit. I have a bunch of countries. He's ranked top 10 in the world as an athlete. That changes your pay scale a little bit. I have a lot of Twitter followers.

Yeah. Then I have an existing online presence of a few hundred thousand. So that changes. So while now the second year of me doing television is obviously going to be better than the first. It's not like I was starving. Okay. Cool, cool. So that's Kyle trying to come back, which is good because now my boxes are where they belong.

So are you at home now? Are you somewhere else in the world? Ah, this is what. Nope, nope. I'm home. I got home a couple of days ago. We didn't finish the FBI story. So the FBI reached out to you and said that they had credible death threats from ISIS.

Is that the scoop? Yep, that's it. And you said, hey, how seriously do I need to take these? And they're like, well, we're concerned. Am I still on target? Close. So they're like, yeah, we have credible threats of isis trying to kill you and i was like uh-huh and they're like well they're you know like they're um it's it's in a

way where the like the things that they're posting you should be worried i was like i'm not and um so then they got mad uh because i guess you're supposed to worry about those things but they didn't realize the convenience factor, right? Typically you have to go to them. I mean this is like ISIS to delivery service. I know. Right? That would save me thousands and thousands of frequent flyer miles

had they just come to Texas. But they won't. No, they're going to avoid Texas, I think. They gave it a whirl. I mean the good old junior college try. But they won't. No, they're going to avoid Texas, I think. Yeah, well, no, they actually did. They gave it a whirl. I mean, the good old junior college try. They went to Garland, Texas. This lady was doing this, like, paint the Prophet Muhammad.

Oh, like those drama Muhammad days? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, like, two guys, two ISIS guys showed up in a car full of guns, and their plan was to walk in and shoot everybody at the event. So they pull into the parking lot. They get out of the car. They get about a half a step down by a whole bunch of Texans. Like it was just Swiss cheese.

Their car and their bodies were just riddled. It was like a die-hard movie. So, yeah. Garland, Texas. I like to think North Carolina would put some holes in them too. I can't be sure.

North Carolina is pretty... They're pretty gangster when it comes to a whole bunch of radical fundamentalists coming to try to kill them. I think that wouldn't go well. I'm going to agree with you there. You called North Carolina a gangster. It's not taxing.

What states would do poorly, do you think, in that same situation? I was thinking California and New York, number one. But then if ISIS comes well you're kind of because like you know couldn't hear you there yeah New York and

California 9-11 and San Bernardino they're pretty good examples of terrorism oh yeah

the US declared what ISIS has done is genocide. Huh. Yeah. They're getting there. Is that where they're targeting? They also said it wouldn't affect their strategy against them. Yeah, Christians. Because some people think, okay, they said that.

I guess that's what they mean. But there's an argument for like, oh, oh, we don't just sort of stand by and let genocide happen. Oftentimes, not that it happens a lot, but if we declare it a genocide, a lot of people thought that that would mean that it was time to get more involved. Yeah, I think a lot of that's happening

in Western Africa too, isn't it? It's like Boko Haram. They're not ISIS, but they're... So much for your July vacation, Tim. Yeah. It's ruined. Pretty depressing. Yeah, the Boko Haram, they've actually sworn

allegiance to ISIS. And I think there's a saying that all it takes for evil to succeed is when good men do nothing. And that's maybe a little bit about the motivation of saying what ISIS is genocide-wise.

So we can't allow things like that to happen. I don't know. We'll see how it shakes out. Yeah. So what is your plan to actually go over there and enact some change, like do some damage? You're still planning on going go over there and enact some change like do some damage you know like you're still planning on going back over there and putting those skills to work i assume like can you just go over there with like a mercenary license or can you go without the military like do you still

i guess when you're military you're so high up there with the green berets it's like you don't even know what questions to ask because I feel like you could do whatever. You definitely can't do whatever. And I don't have my mercenary license. I don't know where I'd get that, but I'm definitely on the lookout so I could get that. Do you need a license for that?

I'm not sure that's a license for fish. No. I'm not good with sarcasm. I had to register my hands for fighting and uh i keep my official confirmed kill count um in my binder in my bedroom true story none of these stories are true full of ears yeah none yeah none of these things are exist i didn't i always thought the right anytime anytime you hear somebody confirm kill, you're like, alright, you're a liar. Or,

I mean, I had to register my hands because, you know, I'm so lethal. Liar. I have my mercenary card. Liar. My name's Anderson Silva and I don't use performance enhancing drugs. Liar. To me, that tainted his whole legacy.

I, uh... I considered him pretty depressing maybe the goat the best ever yeah yep and then once he got busted for steroids it's like well no you can't be goat sorry you know like it you undid it so who is now who is the runner-up is it george saint pierre i've heard of gsp and john jones and maybe jose aldo are the names in the circle but jose aldo i i he wasn't busted for steroids but that thing that like that i don't know you probably saw the timeline leading up to the um the i think it was the first mcgregor fight are you familiar with this like they came to test him, and they, like, he's, like, unavailable. So then the next day they came to test him. He was, like, late or something.

And then in the afternoon he gave a test, and then he tripped and spilled his urine. So that was ruined. And then the next day they deported the guy because he didn't have, like, a visa to collect a urine sample. So then, like, weeks later they came to collect a urine sample so then like weeks later they came and took a urine sample and that one was clean and i'm like fuck off you know like yeah i'm not defending him um he is brazilian first um his camp is notorious for using steroids, second. That timeline is exceptionally suspicious, third. But for example, a couple of days ago, I had the USADA show up at my doorstep at 7 a.m. And I had just gotten home from being gone for three weeks the night before.

being gone for three weeks the night before. And I was leaving 90 minutes after they arrived for me to be gone again. So let's just say they arrived the day before or 90 minutes later, they would have missed me and they would have missed me for weeks, you know? So then you could be thrown stones like, well, now Tim, Tim Kennedy's trying to avoid a drug test. It really would have just been, fortunately I was home and I was able to give them, you know, as normal, a fantastic sample like I always do. And I didn't spill it.

There's a big old cup. They knew where to find him because he has a schedule he keeps because he was in a training camp and he tripped and spilled his urine. Now, I'm not a professional athlete, but I'm able to expertly navigate my house and my gym or whatever with glasses of lemonade or water or what have you the fact that he can't it's fucking spilling his urine sample that's what he's doing and then he couldn't provide another of course tap that you know kegs empty yeah there are dudes there that would have drank that urine off the floor I see what you're doing there he's another fighter who claims

that he drinks urine and keeps him pure or something no he does not he totally does I took a photo of me peeing I feel like if you drink I took a photo of me peeing. You had to drink. Directly into his mouth.

I feel like if you drink Jose Aldo's... If you drink Jose Aldo's urine, that's just a way of getting free steroids. That's disgusting. I bet it's all... You're saving money. Cutting weight? Has this guy drank pee in front of people

just to show oh he's actually a pee drinker yeah absolutely has he really what does he think it does for him what does he think what's the mystique behind um so his father's japanese and uh it was about like getting nutrients back into your body that your body wasn't able to absorb in the cycle of your digestive system. Yeah. Of course. Great vitriol in the urine for you to drink. 64 ounces per day.

I wouldn't drink a shot of it. It sounds terrible. Is he a better fighter? You wouldn't drink a shot of urine? That seems like a very small amount of anything. I would drink a shot of urine. Now we're just negotiating price. If it's my urine,

I'll do it for a price. If it were powerful urine, I would drink some of Jose Aldo's urine. If I thought I was going to get some actual benefits, like – stick with me here. If you saw me do a shot of Jose Aldo's lemonade and all of a sudden I'm benching 275 the next day, you're like, what the fuck just happened? You would want a bottle of Jose Aldo's pits. You would be following him around to urinals. You'd be like, please, Mr. Aldo, please.

You would want some if it had that kind of power. The real question is why I'm not drinking his urine now. I'm not fighting anybody. I can do steroids. I'm not cheating at anything. I'm chopping wood in the backyard. Roid it up, baby. There's no harm.

Look, I am fully for a PED-enhanced version of this podcast. I think we should all be doing roids. I think we should all be all jacked up and angry, like roid rage all the time over the simplest things. We're just discussing what kind of shirt you're wearing, and we're all red-faced and bulging and losing our shit, end up sobbing at the end of the podcast and apologizing to each other. That would be a show.

That sounds really uncomfortable. That would be something. I don't know. I would be okay with you guys doing it on here as long as you weren't trying to hurt another human and it wasn't supposed to be a regulated competition yeah I'm not just going to take steroids and then go hop in the UFC

and think I'm going to change the world yeah if you're no I think if you're firewood you're fucked but I'm not hitting anybody so we're good yeah if you're firewood, you're fucked, but I'm not hitting anybody. So we're good. So are you currently, you're a green beret.

I'm really unhappy about the amount of lag that's going on here. Yes, I am. Are you currently a green beret? I don't know how this works. Like is it once you achieve a certain level of like proficiency, does the army just sort of keep you sort of in it? Is it Army? Am I screwing this up? I'm not a military guy.

It's Army, right? No, you're totally correct. Green Berets are from the Army. Once you're a Green Beret, always a Green Beret. But that doesn't necessarily mean that you're still working in the capacity of a Green Beret. So I still am. I'm still an active green beret you know i still teach still work still deploy still do all that stuff um but you don't seem to have a regular schedule like like i'm sure there are green berets who are told what to do

all the time that doesn't sound like your lifestyle or not i guess that's a better way to articulate it. That's what I was wondering is like, you have all these plates you're spinning. It seems like being a green beret would take up so much time. It wouldn't be possible. Well, a lot of,

there's a lot of, a lot of the things that I do are symbiotic, you know, like there's bleed over between them. So they're very related. While I might be doing something in some capacity it complements something else that i'm doing in a different capacity uh i'm not being like i am being vague and ambiguous listen i don't want to have to kill you guys if you have to be

it'd be cooler yeah you do understand I trained under Jacob for years. I do, yep. So you would be harder to kill. To a degree. To a degree. To a very small degree. Yeah. I have to fix my mustache. So you're a sniper. Favorite caliber i am what was it very per job how far away is my

target i don't even know how far away a target would be you know like i only hear about the longest of longest shots but what would be a typical day in the life of a sniper i mean depends where you are you know if you're if you're in Fallujah or you're in Sadr City or you're in Baghdad, your engagements can be anywhere between one and three, maybe 400 meters because you're in an urban area. If you're in the mountains of Afghanistan and you're trying to shoot a guy that's planting an IED on a road and you're on a mountaintop that's a mile away, that's a little bit further. So it depends on where you are and what you're on a mountaintop that's a mile away, that's a little bit further. So it depends on where you are and what you're doing. Somewhere between 100 meters and 2,000 meters.

So let's do both, right? Urban and mountaintop. In urban, you're choosing what? In urban, I'm pretty happy with a 308. I can shoot anywhere from obviously point blank to 800 to a thousand meters pretty accurately um absolutely being able to you know hit a person uh quickly and effortlessly and you know using that ar platform you can have follow-on shots so you could have targets at

different different distances that are moving and you can engage those targets much more rapidly um if i'm in the rural area uh mountains of afghanistan i would go with a 338 lapua i thought you might say that but you went so far i was wondering if you'd pick 50 cows just because you hate carrying it around um i'm when the the 50als i'm honestly not a huge fan of the bullet the ballistics um the velocity uh or the gun so i like the 338 lapua i kyle would know all this but the 50 cal is not faster than the 338 it is not oh uh-huh I didn't realize that. So is the speed helping it have a more level trajectory? Yes. The speed, the grain of the bullet, obviously the 50 count.

So if you take a ping pong ball and you chuck it, right, it's going to go so fast for so long depending on the velocity that leaves your hand. Then you take a tennis ball and you chuck it as fast and as hard as you can, and it maintains, obviously, a speed faster and holds that speed longer than the ping pong ball. But then you take a hard ball from baseball and you chuck that, and it goes even further. So one of the benefits to the 50 cal is they'll grain the size of the bullet.

It's very big. So it's like a softball. You hit somebody with a softball traveling at whatever 2,500 feet per second. That sucks. The.338 Lapua, being a smaller bullet with a higher muzzle velocity, it shoots very straight and out to ranges that are usually going to limit a person by their capabilities. So the bullet is going to surpass the shooter's capabilities. So I read this on the internet. So why is that not more common than the.50 cal?

Or is that just a misconception that these snipers are walking around with these giant.50 caliber cannons for snipers? Yeah, just a misconception. Yeah, I was going to head there. So I read on the internet, so it must be true, that a lot of people like.50 cals because they just shoot through all these stone walls and stuff that somebody might hide behind. Yeah, so the. 50 Cal was originally designed to be used against equipment. It wasn't an anti-personnel weapon. It was to shoot

the engine of a car or to shoot a helicopter that was hovering. That was the design and the intent behind that bullet. That's why we stuck them on airplanes to shoot down other airplanes. That's why we stuck them on airplanes to shoot down other airplanes. That's why we put them on top of tanks.

The 338 was designed to shoot people. And that's why I asked, well, what am I doing? I would pick what gun and what caliber bullet I would be using depending on what my mission was. So if I'm going to be sniper cover for a team of assaulters that was moving into a village,

maybe take a.50 cal because I'm going to be able to shoot through walls, I'm going to be able to shoot through doors, depending on how far away I am compared to just trying to take out a single target at whatever distance compared to having to engage a whole bunch of dudes at variable ranges. So it just all depends. All right.

Really wish Kyle wasn't lagging out. I want to hear his – How bad am I lagging? Smoke. Fire. Not bad. An improvement. Not nearly as bad.

I could almost talk to you. Yeah, yeah. Kyle, what would you take to start? You're going through this. We're going through this and I'm like, my 308's there, my 338's there, my 50 cal's right there. I wish my fucking microphone would work.

Tim, are you familiar with Kyle and his other channel? FPS Russia? Have you seen this? Kyle has a 6 million subscriber YouTube channel where he shoots guns and blows things up. What's the name of it? Yeah, we have...

FPS Russia. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. Man. That's him. Is that you? You look so much cleaner when you're not dressed like a redneck. Yeah, he is.

He's a clean guy. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, he smells good. Don't believe his persona. Good hygiene and everything. I floss. Oh, thank you. Yeah, he smells good. Don't believe his persona. Good hygiene and everything. I floss. Oh, no, I'm 100. Yeah, I'm totally a huge fan.

Actually, I think I follow your page. Look at that. Yeah. Well, you are one of such guys. Yeah, so he has a big collection of guns. Yeah, we have a good time. How are we not coming shot together then? What is that about?

I mean, you want to shoot? You can just come shoot come shoot we're down in georgia well i'm in texas where are you oh i'm coming out of texas pretty soon to do some explosive training stuff what part of texas i'm in austin look at my instagram feed and look what i've done in the past two weeks you need to come and play with me. I don't mean that weird. I like Austin's fun. No, just an appropriate way. I've had a good time in Austin before. You can't shoot on 6th Street. That's boring.

Well, there was a guy who was shooting on 6th Street, but they took him away. That was drinking. Pigs. ISIS. I just put this together.

This is nothing new to me, so what you do is you take a feeding trough, you got the food in it, and you got the debt cords set up so when they reach their head over into the feeding trough, it takes all their heads off in one blast. I'm way ahead of you with the situation.

We've been doing this for years. There's no way that for years you have been laying debt cord in troughs and beheading pigs five or six at a time. There's no way. I refuse to believe that you just have headless pigs in pig bodies. Not the debt cord. That's a new thing that we've come up with, but we have been making – I really can't talk about it,

but we were working with people who had explosive bladders in Texas. So I guess, yeah, it was all 100% legal. Yeah, they would take a bucket of chanerite and ball bearings and stuff like that and cover it with peanut butter and banana stuff the pigs liked a lot, and then they only got close enough. Have you used ECT for the same purpose? Used what? ECT, it's a directional shape charge used for cutting.

Like, if they have demo license, they can pick this stuff up. That's a good thing. Tell them to do that. ECT, 800 grain, do it. What do you use it for? Well, you could use it to cut metal, for example. You could also use it to cut an invasive species of pig. Tim, are you explosive trained?

We've hunted a lot of helicopters before. Kyle, if you do take Tim up on his offer, you could pick his brain. Yeah, for sure. For sure. Yeah. We'll have fun. I'll swap contact information with you whenever we get done here get some actually type in the box you can you have it sounds like you're getting a

little better Kyle I hope so that's good that's not even close you know I don't just so much lag but yeah we have a good time I agreed with you on all the sniper stuff I know I'm still lagging but as long as I keep talking then it doesn't matter about the lag because I'm the only one talking but yeah the.50 cal is like anti-material you don't really

decal that gun back there I've got a desert tactical.50 BMG and it actually shoots sub MOA it's one of the few.50 cals it do so I actually like that one. And I've got like a.338 Lapua AR-15 over here and a Desert Tactical.338 Boltgun. So I like the.338 Lapua. I like the fact that a lot of the military branches went with.300 Win Mag a few years ago because I bought all.338. I like your style.

Jeez. I don't have any of those guns. Get them. The 338, if I'm right, shoots $5 bills. And that has an impact on what I like to buy. How can you even enjoy

when you're shooting? Like, just like, ah, fuck. There goes a foot long. No, no, no. I mean, again, Am I off on that, Tim? Yeah, it's three to five dollars

depending on, you know, what you're shooting. Oh, there he is. And, but it's not like, you know, what you're envisioning on the range where you go and you're just like shooting off a whole bunch of rounds like pop pop pop pop pop pop pop it's not like that when you're when you're shooting sniper rifle um you know you might be shooting one bullet every 10 to 15 minutes um so you're not sitting there doing a whole bunch of like pow pow pow pow you know like you're

spending a lot of time you're working on dope you're getting atmospherics you know you're looking at barometric pressure temperature distance wind speed angle like all these things you're working with a gun with your reticle so there's a lot more going on and it's so while yes it's more expensive ammo so you don't shoot it you don't shoot the same volume of ammo I would say like the amount of time that I have on the range let's say in an hour behind a long rifle compared to an hour behind an m4 I pretty much spend about the same amount of money when people snipe on TV and in the movies there's a spotter and a guy behind the trigger is that how it is in real life depends what you're doing okay depends where you are does

everyone you know stay with a trigger guy because that seems like the cooler job no no no i mean so in in the army in the school that i came from, the more senior, experienced, more talented person is going to be behind the glass, not the shooter. You know, like I could, I could, I'm not trying to belittle you. Who shoots the least out of you two? I mean, I just went shooting like three days ago. You can take a very inexperienced shooter and you can put a very good spotter behind him, and that spotter telling the inexperienced shooter what to do, you know, with a few very basic fundamentals of good side pitcher and good trigger squeeze,

and doing what the spotter says can get hits at great distances. So, you know, they say a monkey can pull a trigger. A monkey can pull a trigger a monkey can pull a trigger so it's that the very difficult part of shooting at great distances is not pulling the trigger it's the the math to make yourself lethal lethal that makes sense i'd never thought of it like that every every movie you've ever watched i always think of the guy with the gun as being like yeah now come on bitch like and he's running always think of the guy with the gun as being like, yeah, now come on, bitch. Like, and he's running forward, and

then the other guy's like, oh, you know, he's 600 yards out, and... Yeah, yeah. I guess that makes more sense. If you were to put it in Top Gun terms, right, Maverick pulls the trigger, Goose tells him how. But I suppose it's actually the opposite. Yeah, our audience will get that. Yeah, they'll take that to heart. They'll understand that. People don't know Top Gun! You're fucking children!

No, none of our audience knows Top Gun. You old man. Tim, you got to run? I do. Oh. Well, I really enjoyed having you. Yeah, I'm enjoying picking your brain. Very interesting.

Thank you for coming on, man. I've been looking forward to it. Thanks for having me. It was a lot of fun. All right. Thank you, Tim. Come back anytime. Yeah. I'm sorry you had a bad internet connection i'm still a great fan and looking forward to shooting things with you sure yeah i put my number in there and chiz can give you my email if you

prefer to do that so yeah i'm coming to texas in a few weeks and i'm gonna do some crazy stuff so awesome fun hook up all right you guys have a good night. See ya. Good night. This is the second time this has happened. I remember in the Milo thing, I liked Milo. I knew his stuff. I had seen hours of footage and he falls in love with Kyle. Now Tim comes on.

We've got a friend in common. I've been cheering for this guy for years. He's like, like Kyle we should hang out motherfucker probably you're probably a little bit happy that Kyle had that issue the whole time let you get some more questions I want to talk about that for a little bit for our audience I also need to fix the layout so we've been having trouble with Skype for weeks now in particular when one person talks it like mutes the other.

So we tried this new service. And in some ways, it's kind of great. If someone drops off, everybody else is still connected and it's fine. But I don't know. I don't know. Is it the service or is Kyle just having internet problems right now? It's just my internet. It's definitely just my internet.

Since I started paying for internet and I'm not on free internet, we've been having issues. Although, I don't know if you just noticed, but Chiz just mentioned it. Now that Tim's gone, it seems to be working better. And we didn't have any issues until we added Tim to the call. So who the fuck knows? Although my internet has been going up and down all night. I've switched to three different lines including a hot spot um let's hope you're 100 better right now well fuck me right maybe it is the service then um i don't

know i mean i like the way you can watch videos on this so much better that's pretty cool everybody is able to add their little comments at the same time which is nice Well look since I since I finally have a microphone that works. I've been just just just fucking Aching over here to talk about things should I talk about the wings of redemption trip? I say that you've waited long enough you talk about whatever you want, and we'll go where you want. I like the way you've you Terry long enough. You talk about whatever you want and we'll go where you want. I like the way you think, Terry. I went up to Wings of Redemption's

place the other day to get his photographs for the hot sauce bottles. The Wings of Redemption. The hot Wings of Redemption hot sauce. I knew I was getting close when I saw the Civil War reenactors out in the field. They

had a real battle going on out there. And I could tell the South was winning. They were really chasing those young guys off the field. Honestly, I don't think that's that uncommon. They recreate battles. They only do those battles. They'll have the South win. I've heard of that. How sad is that? It's like Gettysburg.

It's like Gettysburg 2. The South is stomping their asses. We got this this time so I get past the Civil War ringing actors and I pull up in his yard and his mom and a couple other people are over on Gangster Grandma's porch and she kind of comes over

says you looking for Geordi? and I'm like yeah yeah where's he at? he's in there in his room so I walk into the house and I can see him kind of in his office there and I don't know what he's doing. He's just kind of sitting at his desk. I assume he's playing a video game.

But no, he's doing a live podcast. He doesn't tell me this, of course. I just become a part of the live podcast. I come in, and so then we went and took a lot of photos, took photographs and stuff. That's a stink bug, I think. It is. But I got the pictures for the hot sauce bottle.

Nice. And I hung out with Wings for probably an the pictures for the hot sauce bottle. Nice. And hung out with Wings for probably an hour and then turned around and came back. An hour? So I was driving all day and all night. That was way shorter than I thought. Yeah, I didn't stay very long. Well, yeah. See, it's like five and a half hours up there and then five and a half hours back.

Well, I figured you'd stay there. You know, maybe like make a pillow fort and just chit chat for a while. Girl talk. Oh. Crushes. Girl talk. Oh, maybe just I certainly didn't want to impose upon upon wings and stay over there. And I didn't really want to get a hotel. I knew my girlfriend preferred if I came home that night and I preferred it that way, too. My Casper mattress is waiting on me back home. I wanted to get on that.

So what what did happen, though, was wings at some point was like um i think i i either said to him or he said to me i was like you know you should come to my house uh at some point and we should shoot or we should blow some stuff up or something like that and have some fun and he was like well i was thinking i'd just come for a week and i was like hmm all right then so it looks like wings is going to come stay at my house for uh for a week at some point, coming up fairly soon. So I think he's a little stressed out with the way things are going back home. He's not – he's whatever. He's a little stressed out by all that stuff, so I think he might come stay with me for a week at some point in the upcoming future.

We haven't nailed down a date, but you could bet that we'll film some of that. There's no reason not to. If he's here, I'm going to take advantage of that opportunity bet that we'll film some of that. There's no reason not to. If he's here, I'm going to take advantage of that opportunity, and I'll film some of him hanging out. So that'll be fun, I think. Did you and Wings do anything fun for your hour together? Flamethrower? We took a lot of pictures.

He shot me Flamethrower at some Hot Wings. I was kind of doing this bit where he's cooking the Hot Wings of Redemption with a Flamethrower, so he's got the pan of raw wings and he's flamethrowing them. And then you reveal the cooked wings. We'll see how good that footage comes out. I'm just honestly not very optimistic about it. But I did get the photos for the bottle. Can you give a quick preview pose for how he was standing in the pose?

Maybe kissing his fingers. Maybe... Yeah, we got this great face thumbs up. Some of those. Definitely got some of those. Several of those. I'm like... When he's doing that little motion.

I think I got my bases covered. We're going to add a little photoshopping to the thing. We're not going to have him just standing in his kitchen maybe I'll have him in like the Juilliard Institute of Culinary Technology or something in the background or some bullshit I would have done him in front of a clean wall right to make it easier to like he's in front of kitchen cabinets and stuff

I guess you get what you get I would have done it better you know those like blocky photoshop cutouts where like his shoulder like there's part of a cabinet in it and it just doesn't look natural. He's standing on the lawn and there's chefs around him

sautéing raspberries and scones and it's just him there kissing his fingers with a salty vinegar sauce. Oh, that's great. I'll do whatever it takes to make sure it does look clean and correct no matter what that takes.

But, yeah, I got to see Wings. I hadn't seen him in a while. It was good to see him. We talked a lot of politics. You know, he's a Sanders supporter. Still. This was before this past Tuesday when Hillary won everything, all five states, I think it was.

I think you're right. So he was a Sanders supporter. So he was, yeah, a Sanders supporter. So we talked a lot about Sanders and Trump. And, you know, I think we mostly agreed, for the most part, about the good things about Sanders and the bad things about Sanders and the good things about Trump and the bad things about Trump. And we both agreed that Hillary was just not a solution to anything. So I had a good time hanging out with Wings.

I'm kind of looking forward to him coming and staying for a week. I think we'll come up with some activities this time that don't revolve around weight loss for sure. Just have some fun. That's awesome. Is Chiz's camera on? No. See, it was on!

Chiz, you fucker! It was on! It was covered. He's sitting in the complete darkness with his camera on but there was like like hints of light like I like it wasn't like yeah it was like something like a poltergeist TV screen is what we were seeing yeah and then just like did you ever get called out when you were little and your parents were talking on the phone on your landline, obviously, and you'd pick up and you'd be listening to what they were saying, and then you'd hear them be like, Hey, Taylor, are you on the line?

And then you're just like, hang up real quick. That's what he did. He got called out and didn't even say, My bad. He just turned off real quick and hoped nobody noticed. Oh, Kyle. Oh, you fuck. Wait, wait, He's back. No, he's not.

It's a ruse. I did nothing. No, I was pointing that towards Kyle. He went black and white and stopped moving and then he came back. I don't know. He did it on purpose? No. I thought maybe you turned off your camera for a second and that's how it did it.

Negative. It's just shitty internet. That's all. You just turned to audio only for a second and that's how it did it negative no it's just uh just shitty internet that's all oh and now you you just turned to audio only for a minute i clicked it because i wanted to see what it did oh good okay um in other news um my truck started making a uh a knocking noise it was uh it's actually a skipping noise on uh i don't know the firing mode on that motor, but the back right cylinder. So we started looking more and more, and we diagnosed that it was the hydraulic lifters on those trucks. It's the Chevrolets. I think it's like 07 to 010 or something.

I'm probably wrong about that. But they have the V8 engine that'll switch from the 5.3 liter that'll switch from a V8 to a V6 as needed for better fuel economy. And 4 I think as well, but everyone keeps telling me I'm wrong about that, so I just don't even say it anymore. In any case, the

lifters collapse. That's how it does that. And it doesn't let any air in the cylinder or anything like that when you're in v6 mode Well, the problem is sometimes they don't uncollapse and so the valves are just not moving so took the head off Got the head Cleaned and serviced and I ordered two new lifters, so I'll put those in Saturday in the Pistons Well, I was like what is that red liquid in there? It didn't look like gas to me.

It looked like it was hydraulic fluid or something. Do you know what I'm talking about? I'd have to look at the picture again. I didn't. It might have just been an optical illusion. I don't think that's the case. Oh, okay. Maybe you're right.

It looked like you showed four pistons because it was one side of a V8. It looked like two and a half of them were filled with a fluid and i'm like i don't really hope not know what that is i think i think of myself as kind of auto savvy i mean i'm not there's plenty of people who know more than me but i'm not without experience either i'm like i don't know what to do about all that fucking goop in the pistons yeah i think that might have been an optical illusion maybe something about the flash made it look that way um but yeah we uh we took it apart today and or my i don't know my days are mixed up i've been working a lot but um we took it apart either yesterday or today whenever i sent you the picture and uh and we're gonna put it back together saturday oh i did a thing today we went and talked to a swimming pool salesman uh about having a pool put in the

backyard it's um it's a challenge see i would love to do it in phases right if you don't know the beautiful backyard that we dream of this is just a dream don't get all hyped up about it's like 150 grand which is triple what i had in mind uh for phase real quick i can't imagine i am so surprised you don't have a pool already like i've watched your video of the setup and just i know someone else out there was thinking like what rich woody doesn't have a pool like that's already surprising the pool is child's play for woody that's what you've got to keep in mind that would i'm trying to think of a parallel but that's exactly what you want more than anything you mind. I'm trying to think of a parallel. That's exactly what Woody would want more than anything.

You know those kiddie boxing bags that you just punch and it's like a clown and it just falls over? It would be like a pro fighter having one of those. He's just like, well, this is just nothing. Woody's going to make it to the other end of a standard swimming pool with just whatever you call that move when you take off and wiggle. Whatever that move is, he's going to clear the whole pool with that. He's going to get one of those forever pools and you just turn the engine all the way up and so it's just blasting you.

There's foam coming out. You've got Hope with a jet ski turn backwards and she's revving it. Hope, give it to me! I wish. I was every so often people are like yeah, you could do laps in the pool

and it's they don't mean to insult me but I want to be like motherfucker what like my flip turn is two thirds of this stupid fucking pool like I can't swim in this thing like it's what if you got a super long pool what if you got an Olympic

sized swimming pool in your backyard give no fuck. You could freeze it over. Have an ice rink in the winter. Oh shit! In Carolina. Woody, get a pool as big as an ice rink. As big as a hockey rink. And you have hockey in the winter and a gigantic pool in the summer. Yeah, make it this deep. So it's just like a little ankle pool in the summer and then like

the three days that it's cold enough to freeze in north carolina you have a semi-soggy ice rink this is terrible advice you guys are giving me yeah right it'd be terrible um so we're trying to sort it out now like if you had talked to me a year ago because we've been banging around with this idea for a while i would have been like we, we need a big pool, like 40, 45 foot. It should be a diving pool. It should be all this stuff. And as I process it, I'm like, you know what? I think I'd rather have a smaller pool with more features.

Because I think 99% of its usage is going to be Colin and I splashing around. You know? You're so right. You're going to enjoy having volleyball pool basketball stuff like that to do in there so much more than just a little extra swimming room because like when you're in there as a group you're not going to be like all right everybody you know to yourselves it's time for me to get my workout in it's like playing with colin and hope and the fam so that's way better um i forgot. You had a pool growing up?

Is that the team? Yeah, we had a few pools. And it was always so much more fun when it was not a few pools like, oh, are we going to go swim in the east one today, brother? I mean, like, we moved to different homes, and they would put pools in. Oh, the north pool is a bit chilly. It doesn't get the sun that the Southern pool does. Yeah, but the big pools that are too deep to have activities,

like once you outgrow sharks and minnows and you want to play the sports, it's... I don't know. I like to dive to the bottom and grab stuff off the bottom. Like throw a handful of quarters in there and see how many you can get in one dive. But I would bet you don't still do that. I would. If I had a pool, like if i were in the pool right now like honestly like pool volleyball and basketball doesn't interest me at all but um i i honestly what i think would

be fun would be to throw a handful of quarters in and see how many i could get that's exactly what i'd do what i imagine to be a Georgia activity. You'd call it like spelunking or something. You just go to a pool and you throw a bunch of coins in it. The afternoon just melts away. This isn't like something I invented. Oh, he just gets real pool toys. Why?

The quarters are better because it recreates an actual diving scenario. If you find them all afterwards, you can use the quarters to bother me. There's no diving board. What you do is you just back the pickup to the above-ground pool and then exercise the suspension and go. Perfect. So, yeah, we're thinking about a smaller pool. Oh, my wife wants it to be heated she feels like a heated pool would extend the amount of year we could use it so there would be like a hot tub that spills into the pool to warm it up and uh another thing i think my wife's not a huge swimmer so they there's something

called like a tanning ledge it's like 10 inches deep but maybe four inches of water and you sort of put the chair on that um oh it also has a little uh like hole in the ground like a circle for the umbrella stand and uh you just like put your chair in a few inches of water with the umbrella above it while colin splashes around so we're leaning more towards a somewhat smaller pool with cool features compared to... Would there be a grotto? A grotto? Oh, a grotto. Yes. I imagine lots of vines and lots of natural-looking rock formations and stuff.

The word was in lush. I'd like to dive and go through a tunnel and emerge in sort of a dome, if you will, and that's the only way you could access the dome. The man is coming back to me on Thursday. So next PKA with a 3D rendering of the end product. Yeah. And, and then we're going to go from there and talk about like breaking it

into phases, right? Like obviously the pool, you can't really add on to a pool you know you get the last pool first and and that what you get is what you get but my dreams include like an outdoor kitchen like you know that's what they call it you know when you've seen the outdoor like counters with the sink or whatever yeah if it had even a small refrigerator with like ice cream in it or something like that, that would be neat. All right. So where are we going with this?

Yeah. And the fire thing, I'm big on fire. Like I like that a lot. And right now we have a fire pit, which I like. I really like. We have a fire pit and we have these like swinging. What is it? Like two or three person chair that swings called like off the chain gondola the swinging bench jizz says i like a porch swing yeah a porch

swing is perfect but it's there's like this structure that supports it in the middle of nothing so we have these swinging benches around the fire pit and that's really cool i don't know if i'd want like a masonry fireplace where everyone can't circle it. I don't know. I really like, when we were in Colorado, and I've seen it elsewhere, where they've got that sort of, it's natural gas

or propane or something flowing up through that volcanic gravel, and it's just on fire. I like those things a lot. I've been around those in, I don't know, outdoor seating in cold environments, and it's just on fire. I like those things a lot. I've been around those in, I don't know, like outdoor seating in cold environments, and it keeps the whole thing warm. I like that stuff.

That's a thought. I'd like an outdoor shower. It doesn't even have to be nice, but just some sort of outdoor hot and cold running water. To rinse off. Yeah. I can imagine a scenario where, heck, almost after every lawn mow,

you just sort of rinse off 80% of your grit and grime and fall in the pool. That might be nice. Yeah, I see where you're going with that. So, anyway. Well, that'd be cool. You're getting some kind of a mega pool installed over there. Mega pool? I feel like I'm going to disappoint people if we call it that. The mega pool. I thought that's what we were disappoint people if we call it that. The mega pool.

I thought that's what we were going with. I think what we've done is we shrunk the pool a little bit and added some features. I think that's where it actually stands. I think it's even better. That's a super pool at least. Oh, yeah. Poolocalypse. Great.

I think Kyle froze on us, but it's a handsome freeze. What do you think, Taylor? I think it's good. Ah, he moved a millimeter. He lost it. Kyle, you better fix your internet. You're looking mediocre. No, now he's not so great.

Now I wouldn't. Okay, now it comes back. Yeah, I'd hit that. I'd hit this right here. Gone for long. All right, there he is. Can't believe Tim Kennedy offered, like, he's like, Kyle, you should come out

and shoot with us hey the sailing people asked me i need to get back to them if someone forwards them this exact moment of the thing um i would not just like to come on their yacht it would be like a life ambition i've wanted something like that forever. It just so happens that my son severed three tendons in his foot right now and he needs extra care. And at the end of this month, it looks like my mother-in-law who has, she's 75, she has cancer and she's going to come here and we're going to care for her. And it's a rough time to leave them alone. So if a rain check is available, I'd love that. It would mean more to me than they'd guess. But I can't leave everybody right now.

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different kinds of wine. I would much prefer listening to the dog accent. This is... He loves... Give me a little cat food in that club, W1. I love the Terrans in Terrors. Okay, I like that one.

That one's good. Yeah, see, that's my dog's 14-year-old jackrat terrier who's, like, shaky and shaky and like old and gray, but he's still like super defensive of my dad, and he'll go after a Doberman Pinscher and like full force attack it. But he's shaky. He doesn't really talk to me. Yeah, so that's him.

Sounds like he's knocking on death's door. He's 14. Yeah, but he's healthy. He got attacked by a bulldog one time. And so, like, I don't know. Imagine this area on a dog, like, kind of behind its armpit and down to its rib cage was ripped open. The lung was outside its body. And you could see the lung there.

And my dad pokes the lung back in and holds him together and took him to the vet. And they patched him up. So it's like Poppins. Tough dog. From It's Always Poppins. Tough dog. From It's Always Sunny. Yeah, tough dog. I picture your dad and all these like wounded dogs just running up a tab at the vet, you know, like.

Oh, yeah, yeah. An enormous tab. Yeah. Yeah, he's got like a punch card. He pays thousands in vet bills for those dogs that end up, he rescues over there. He has pins put in their legs, and he's had to have dogs have their legs amputated before, and the surgery that comes along with that, and antibiotics. And one of the dogs, they got kennel cough one time, so they all needed treatment.

Yeah, he spends a lot of money on those dogs. Does anyone here watch Vet Branch? No, I've never heard i've seen all the videos so there's this guy uh i think his name is matt and he runs a channel called demolition ranch so he's uh he's into guns and typically on demolition ranch he's he's got a charisma about him but he usually shoots a thing and sees what it does to the thing that's that's the core of the channel and um but he's also a veterinarian like in real life like aside from this youtube channel so they fired up vet ranch and they use it as a way to fund

saving animals and it's pretty cool like the videos usually take place over the course of a couple of weeks and this dog comes in it's got like i'm making it up but like an eye flopped out of the socket just dangling there well he's walking on three legs and he's got like 10 kinds of mange and they're like we're gonna fix this broken up dog like it's this old house and uh sure enough like two days later like the eye's gone but they patch it up they took off the leg that didn't do anything and the mange is five percent better and uh over time you know like they they fix the dog um i'm describing not one of the best fixes it sometimes that happens they amputate a lot of legs um sometimes they're just like this is a great dog you know they come in scared they don't like

people they've got mange and then over the course of four weeks they cure the dog's body and mind and you can see is it like a three strikes you're out policy with amputation where it's like one four weeks, they cure the dog's body and mind. Is it like a three strikes you're out policy with amputation? Where it's like one leg gone, lots of people like three legged dogs. Two legs gone will get you that little wheelchair thing that Asian kids invent. Hopefully they're on the front or back. You're not futzing around with one leg.

No. We're not going to watch you spin in place. At that point, we're going to watch him put you in a... He can scoot on the ice. At that point for your dog, so it's just controlling the mech suit with the one good paw. At that point, you just tape it to one of those

RC cars, and when it barks, it's thirsty. You just... Drive it on over there. Sounds horrible. It's just a captive in its own body. I'm just imagining a torso and a little dog head and just driving it around the house and just shitting it random.

Please, please kill me, Kyle. Please kill me, Kyle. I would do anything for this sweet embrace of death. But I bet that guy would be fun to have on the show. See, on his channel, he's a really sweet guy. But I suspect, much like Riley from Sailing Le Vagabond, that if you put him in this crowd, we could corrupt him. That he'd like a good belly button joke.

Have we ever had anybody that we outright just offended or that it seemed that way with our... I felt like Kat, the live streamer. Ah. That was the most glaring example. Unless you guys are thinking of ones way back in the day before I was around, but that's the best one I can think of. Yeah, she didn't seem to get it, I guess.

Yeah, she... Fair enough. It's not everybody's cup of tea. Although we didn't really get her and i guess yeah she um fair enough although not everybody's cup of tea although we didn't really get her and and and what what she was up to either i so you know yeah they definitely didn't like the uh like she's a successful live streamer and i'm like oh what do you know what are your investments and stuff and when she had that rc car and the skid steer. Yeah. They disapproved of my disapproval. Yeah.

Well, fucker. Whatever. I'm still right. You can't tell people that you're investing hundreds of thousands of dollars in RC cars and cotton candy machines and expect them to be like, wow, that's prudent. Well, you know, I really like slushies,

so I suck about 80 grand into slushy technology. I love it. I got all the flavors. It pushes the ice through fine filaments. A whole other texture. You've never experienced it. If you guys maybe didn't see that one, for people who are watching, she's a successful live streamer.

She's killing it. I don't mean to throw too many stones at her. And I asked her what she was doing like like how she was setting herself up for the future and god i i don't mean to haze her but is she in her upper 20s i i something like that i don't know all right 25 people are guessing so um i just thought like oh you know the whole like show your cleavage on twitch streams thing you know she's at the the peak of her career right now and uh maybe maybe there's like some some milf streamers are there any of those does i feel like i feel like what you do that's a real

adult market like like oh oh you're no no there's a big market out there for MILF gaming moms. No, no, no, no, no. There's a big market for MILF, right? Because at this point, like if I see some really hot like 19-year-old in porn, my mind goes to she would not like me, right? I'm like Steve Buscemi over here looking at hot girls it's like no no no i need no i need some milk corn because you're wrong about that i feel like he's wrong no hypothetical i think what he's a single woody would have himself like a 19 or 20 year old girlfriend if he wanted one he could totally get one. He'd grow that beard out, start dying if you

want, don't if you don't. I think the silver fox thing looks great. Maybe. I think leave it gray. I think he wants to really work that silver fox thing. All he's got to do is get on Tinder. Lots of photos of you enjoying your $150,000

swimming pool. Your house is like a playground. What 19-year-old girl would not want to go hang out with Woody's Gamertag, hypothetical single Woody's Gamertag? I would want to go. And then you get a group of them coming over there, right? You would clean up, my friend.

We could make that happen. No, you don't want to bring a group, a gaggle of them. No, you just, one at a time, because of the implication. Ah, the implication. I forgot about that. You take them into the middle of your mega pool.

Land is a distant thought from any direction. Oh, God. And you know, part of them would want to tell Woody no, but then again, part of them wouldn't dare. That part made me laugh harder than any other part in that whole episode because he'd gone so far to the wall and you keep thinking he can't get any rapier and then he just busts right through it and it's like you wouldn't dare and he's just a sociopath. For those of you,

for the uninitiated out there, we're talking about It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, not suggesting that Woody actually raped a 19-year-old girl, anything like that, but Woody totally would get some 19-year-old girl pussy if he so wanted some, and I would hook that up for you. I would make that happen. We would both get lots of 19-year-old pussies. We'd split it. Hypothetical single Woody would be an excellent wingman.

I feel like we could work so many angles with that. We could get some mother and daughter duos. We could tell all kinds of crazy lies and stories to get them into our web. The truth is not what gets you laid. I mean, are you trying to get laid or are you looking for a life partner?

It just depends what we're looking for here. Or you could just do that thing where you go out to a bar and you just spin a lie as long as you can take it. Just see where it goes. What would my hypothetical profession be? And he's Kasich. I bring in Mr. Kasich in now. It comes with looking all important.

Let's be honest. Does anybody really think being John Kas would would do you does anybody really think being john casick would get you laid anywhere no home no maybe and even at ohio state is that guy dropping them no i don't think so uh but i didn't finish the game a lot of guys for him well what she did is she invested in a remote controlled car racetrack which is like a in her backyard. Almost like if you've ever seen BMX racing on ESPN, something like that.

Then she bought a skid steer, which is, if you don't know what a skid steer is, it's like a bobcat. You know, that's one variety of one. And she could use that to maintain the track and rebuild the hills and stuff. And real quick interjection into that, when I was asking her initially about,

oh, what are you doing with this RC car stuff and this weird stuff like it wasn't even meant to be like a oh let's catch her in a web here it was like a wow how did you manage to make this a profitable thing yeah I think we all came from there asking like I was like oh I bet she found some niche market I bet she's got like 35 kids coming to her house every weekend plunking down a hundred bucks worth of battery time or whatever to race or she's putting on RC events at her house and clearing 2,500 bucks a week or something but no she just likes RC cars and it's in her backyard. It's just like Cartman Land. I think the real mistake there wasn't that she

built the RC track what was that Taylor? I said it was like Cartman Land. It was a little bit like Cartman Land. I think the real mistake wasn't that she got herself an RC track. It was that she listed that among her investments. Because if you asked me about one of my business ventures, I wouldn't be like, I've got a $40,000 sports car out in the yard.

I wouldn't list that as one of my business ventures. If anything, that would be impressive. She could have listed her business ventures. You know what I mean? Like, if anything, that would be impressive. Like, she could have listed her business ventures and then been like, oh, and I also have a $200,000 racetrack basically in my backyard. Like, if you just framed it like that instead of, like, she framed it like it was supposed to be a business.

Yeah. You know? It's a little different. Still, I mean, who wouldn't want that? If I had that, I would use it every day. A giant RC track in my backyard that you could ride around on. My wife wants me to build her a miniature golf course. No, it's RC cars.

Oh, you're not even in the cars. No, it's remote-controlled little cars that you race. You thought this was much cooler than it actually is. You thought she was in a car? I thought this was more of a go-kart situation. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Oh.

Remote control toy cars. Like, souped-up ones, I'm sure. But nonetheless. Maybe help out some of those one-legged dogs. Strap them on her surplus of RC cars. You got a problem fixer. Get those two. Froze up, Kyle. My wife wants a miniature golf course, and I think this is ludicrous.

I am not at all. That is ludicrous. I bought her, she begged and begged and ensured that it happened, and it wasn't Christmas, but the Christmas before I got her, what is the lawn game called with the balls and the mallets and you knock the balls through the hoops look um cro croquet crochet croquet okay yeah i bought her a croquet set and like it's been a year and a half and she still hasn't played croquet once. If she thinks I'm going out there enslaving to build her a fucking miniature

golf course, she's insane. I'm not doing that. She's already got the high-rolling, fast-paced lifestyle of a croquet player and she wants more. Cheese is in here. Have you ever set up croquet to play? Real real quick have you ever set it

up and tried to play i can't count the number of times like at a grandparent's bullshit like family thing me and my cousins like we'd go in his shed and be like well he's got a bunch of croquet shit from like 1960 let's set it up and you always get it all set up everybody argues over where the course is going to be you get like three swings in and you're like this is a bullshit game for bullshit people. Like no excitement. There's nothing at stake. Everyone cheats.

Yeah, stupid, stupid. And she doesn't need miniature golf. You know what you should do? Take her to the closest miniature golf place and tell her we're going to spend the next nine hours. And you're going to play this same course over and over and over. And you're going to tell me how much fun you're having at the end. Because that's what you're asking me to do. What are we talking about here? Hope wants to do these things?

My wife wants me to build her a miniature golf course, and I am just steadfastly refusing. Oh, dude, that would be so cool. No, it wouldn't! You would get so bored of the same, it'd be the same holes over and over and over. No, listen to me. You've got to make, so there's a lot of

woodworking to do here. Don't think of it as like, maybe you weren't, but it's not on the ground. It would be like any miniature golf course. It would be all wooden and stone and stuff and get some spinning windmills. I love miniature golf, although, yeah, that's an incredible waste of money now to think about it. And time, and it will never be used ever. I was explaining. She played it twice, three times.

She begged me for a croquet set. Year and a half. Zero croquet games thus far. None. She doesn't go outside. You know what that would do? All that would serve for you in building her a miniature golf course would be like an I gotcha moment for an argument you have in like nine years where you're like, yeah, I

never will. You'll build you that fucking miniature golf course. You're never going to use it. It's like you're yelling about something. Why don't you go play nine holes of mini golf? It's been years, Jack. You can't get tired of them a decade ago. Like I said you would.

Or get in the pool that you never swim in. God damn it. I don't even know. So it's not that hard to mow a field. You just go, you do big squares and whatever. It's fine. But if I have to mow around a flipping miniature golf course, like, no. No fucking way.

Slowly getting resentful at the clown head. You could totally build her a Frisbee golf course. Offer her that, you know, because it's just got those poles with the catcher thing. And you throw a Frisbee. That's the way to go. Yeah, and she can call up all the guys at Kappa Nu. Get them over there, you know, like throw a party. Is frisbee that's the way yeah and she can call up all the guys at cap get them over there you know like throw a party is frisbee golf lame is is that is that a frat boy douchey kind of thing because chis called me a fag immediately the only people i know who did that were those kind of guys and i'll be honest with you it's just fun to make fun of right there

but it is pretty fun when you get down and play it yeah Yeah, right? I bought one of these discs. I bought one of the Frisbee Golf discs to see what the difference was. You can throw it really accurately. They're very heavy and hard. Most of them have titles. There's a set. There's a putter, there's a driver.

Putter, chipper, driver. If you get the driver ones, they're so hard and dense. You can throw it, no joke, and I know Kyle confirmed, three times as far as you could just a normal, like, you know, go to Chili's for free Frisbee. Oh, yeah. So at the same time, I also bought this thing.

It looks like that thing Zeno used to throw, you know. It's like hollow in the middle, but it's – Oh, yeah. I've seen those. You can sling the fuck out of that thing like hundreds of yards um it's it's absurd when you throw it right and it doesn't go side yes oh it's it's really flimsy like like like not flimsy but so it's not like you could take it uh i don't know like a dinner plate or something where i'm on the side like holy fuck this could hurt like if you

took one to the face like you'd be like, that inconvenienced me for a moment. It's not that bad. These are the ones that are super light. You can throw them far, but they don't go super fast. She has linked a photo of Xena there. That's good. That's Lucy Lawless. She's gotten topless in a few things in her later years.

I really appreciate it. Big Xena warrior princess titties. Yeah, but that thing on her hip is exactly what Kyle's talking about, but honestly make it three times that circumference. Much bigger around, and plastic, and soft on the ends, and you can throw the fuck out of it. It's great.

I always wanted a boomerang, but I never found one that would work. Has anyone here ever used a boomerang successfully? I have one. The one I have is the triple wing boomerang but I never found one that would work. Has anyone here ever used a boomerang successfully? Like I have one. The one I have is the triple wing boomerang not the traditional Australian one. It's three points. That's the kind that I

use successfully. I got a boomerang when I was eight years old for Christmas. Took it out. It was in the snow and I just insisted I had to have my boomerang because I'd asked my grandma I'm like I watched some tv show on discovery channel and they showed one of those you know African guys like taking someone down with a fucking boomerang or an Australian guy and I was like I have to have that and so that was my main ask that year I want a boomerang it

was snowing they're like oh you don't go out there you should want to practice with it first go practice with it and I aimed towards the woods in our creek and i was like i got this are you sure those guys can do it i can do it hindsight 2020 and i just like i i seized up and i was like all right if i don't throw it hard enough it's not going to come back and so i just and i watched just kind of the first like second and a half of like oh it's going to take a hard bank to the left. And it's just... And I'm like, oh, shit. And so immediately it goes to like, I'm going to lose my brand new present. I'm going to go back inside and get yelled at

for losing this apparently nice boomerang. Nobody buys a nice boomerang for an eight-year-old. So I ran into the woods and it was gone. Lost it. Threw it once. 0 for 1, my boomerang career. I lost mine as well. Yeah, that seems to be a trend. I think it's a tree

out in the yard now that I think about it. I shot it down with a shotgun once. That was effective. I just shot the limb down. But it's up there good now. It's not coming out. Yeah. Fuck boomerangs. Stupid fucking toy slash weapon. Yeah, who had the time?

What lazy hunter had the time to come up with that horse shit on the Australian plains? Look guys, look what I did. You can throw it really hard and it'll come back to you. That's great, Bill. We're all shitting ourselves because we can't get a cup of fucking clean water and you're over there whittling away at something that's not going to help us. Eat shit. Get out of here.

It is a cool weapon though. How did they figure that out? That if it was curved right or carved correctly and thrown at the right angle that it would return to you yeah how many times how many tribesmen got maliciously made fun of for spending all day throwing it and then having to go retrieve their stick you know convincing if that was like the right brothers of their time where it was like, you can come around. The science adds up. We just need to find the curvature. Try to sand it down.

Let's do some politics talk. I was going to do some hockey talk. Oh, much bigger audience for that. Let's go to hockey talk. You're right. Sarcasm? Okay, Kyle. No, I can't.

Okay. I was watching the Flyers the other night. That was humiliating. So the Flyers have won eight of their last ten games. They're 8-1-1. So they have – probably that's an overtime loss. And you get a point for that. And eight wins in their last ten.

They are one win out of a playoff spot. But the team in front of them has two games in hand so all they need to do is win one of those next two and they're in the playoffs oh that's great i just named a random hockey team's name just so you know are you serious oh you know that woody likes the flyers yeah i have no idea what the flyers are or what a flyer would even look like now i think you like the blues but it's mostly because you're wearing a blues jersey, I think. Yeah. That kind of clued me in.

Yes, it does. So much bullshit. The flyers were kind of weak. They were one of the weakest teams at the start of the season, weren't they? Underperforming. Yeah. They didn't turn out well at all. They started terribly,

and they've turned it around and trending towards a playoff spot, which would be pretty neat. I mean, they're finally starting to score. I mean, you don't put some points on the board. You know what? When you're right, you're right. You know, the thing that's really changed is they've come together, they've buckled down, they've put the work in before they get on the ice,

and at the end of the day, the results are there. What else can you ask from the squad? You know, you just put the puck on the net and sometimes it goes in. Shots on goal equals goals. Pucks to the net. I've seen a lot of good passes out there. I was talking to Teresanko before the game. He was saying they've been working on a couple of set plays going into the offensive zone.

We'll see how that pans out. Over to you, Kyle. Well, it looks like it's pretty fucking cold in here, folks. Ice is everywhere. So I know when we bet on the Flyers and the Blues before, the Flyers humiliated them. And I think when we bet on the Hurricanes and Blues, the Hurricanes humiliated them as well.

Yes, yeah. You know, I don't mind because it's an anomaly. Because if you just take a quick peek at the standings, we're packing it in you. Well, I'll admit that you play an easy schedule. I mean, clearly when we go head-to-head, that's when the real measurement is being done. When I take on those teams that Philadelphia is playing, you know, Columbus, Carolina, Jersey, without their starting goaltender.

You know, you're knocking Carolina, but yes, when you take on Carolina, you lose. We just talked about this. It's like they have stats on that like if the last I swear to god like every time this year we've had a bet it's been like uh like you'll say like oh I bet you Carolina will win and I'll be watching the game they're down by two at the time yeah yeah the stats will say at the bottom it'll be like St. Louis 14 0 and 0 in their last uh 14 visits here in Carolina let's see if they can keep that streak going. And every time I'm like, fuck! Damn it! We're due! No way!

We're not going to win 15. I'm so... We're tied for first in our division. We're tied for first in the Western Conference right now. Ahead of Chicago. Yeah, it's Dallas and St. Louis tied at 91 points. Chicago has 88. Chicago's lost four in a row.

We've lost two in a row. We've lost two in a row. Chicago Black Wings. We beat Dallas, Anaheim. No, Black Hawks. The Black Queens. He said wings, the Black Wings. Yeah, the Black Wings. That's a little hockey-ish.

Would you prefer to be the Black Hawks, which isn't even a thing, or the Black Wings? The Black Hawks are an Indian tribe in Illinois, I guess. Really? Yeah, because they were winners. So they don't care.

They're not like the Redskins. The Blackhawks could not stand up to cholera and got defeated. I don't care how many of those people we killed with cholera and got defeated. I guess. I don't care how many of those people we killed with cholera and smallpox and stuff. We still shot a bunch of them too. Don't let anybody take away our genocide

of the native peoples of this country because we killed the shit out of them with our hands, with our guns, whatever. We ran them down all over the place. When we first got here people don't know it. No one's taking we first got one no one's taking away our credit no one's taking away our credit but before we move on to genocide i want to do a quick bet about who's going to win the stanley cup this year between all of us we'll revisit it

when the playoffs begin but i want to see we'll talk about genocide i promise promise i don't want to talk about it okay so kyle here is the i'll copy this to you because you you don't know oh it's my home page what are you talking about the initial standings you want to say washington right yeah but they do washington's you want to say they do have a good long name. The Washington Capitals. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I don't think that they're going to do... I would not be surprised if, like,

Philly snuck in to the playoffs and then beat Washington in, like, seven games or something crazy happened. Because Washington just doesn't have a ton of playoff experience. Like, right now, I would lean Tampa as more of a favorite than... I don't know.

It's just Washington. They can't continue to be as dominant as they have. It's just like, they're breaking too many records. They have to slow down at some point. Malkin's out. Like they have 50 wins. How long is Malkin out?

He's hurt, right? Six weeks. Six to eight weeks. He's out. I was right. It's always six weeks. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Usually is usually six to eight weeks, yeah. Yeah, it usually is. Usually six to eight weeks. But either way, that really does not bode well for Pittsburgh. In the West, I'm thinking, I don't have any confidence in the Blues making it past the first round. Why would you? We always fucking lose in the first round.

Yeah, why would we? It's just easier to go in with low expectations. Chicago. It's got to be Chicago. It's not going to be Dallas. Dallas' goaltending and defense is not going to take them far in the playoffs. No. We have a better chance than going far in Dallas, I think.

Probably Chicago. No, no, LA probably. I'm going to say LA. I pick Chicago. They've got the best record at home. I feel like they can pull this out. It's not true. It's not true.

None of these are true that you're saying. None of these are true. You didn't even. I sent you the link. They of these are true that you're saying. You didn't even... Washington has a very good record at home. Washington has a better record at home. Chiz, putting money on the stars. That's a fool's errand. They're not going to be scoring six goals a game in the playoffs.

And Kari Letton and... Chiz better be careful with his bets. If the delegate count keeps going, he's already at 100. He didn't bet on Bernie. He bet on... I do owe you five. Here, let me send you that five right now. Here, tell me what your PayPal is. I'll give you $5. We had a bet

that Marco Rubio... I bet that Marco Rubio would drop out before Florida actually happened, and shockingly, he didn't. I'll take Philly. I don't care. I'm going to say Philly wins the cup. They're not even in the playoffs yet, but I'm going to say they win the cup. We might need to revisit this as the actual playoff teams.

Just last night, they beat Chicago. They're one of the hottest teams in the NHL right now. Literally. I don't know. They might be the hottest. Does any other team have eight out of their last ten? They're the hottest team in the NHL right now. Yep, eight out of their last ten.

Yeah. They're not a crazy pick. And they were one of the coldest teams at the start. So you've got to realize, like, the middle half of the season, like, they did a lot to make up that ground. They're a strong team. Yeah, they're getting hot. I think the Islanders may start to drop down and Philly may move up.

That would suck if Pittsburgh didn't make the playoffs for them after they got Kessel and they've got Crosby. I guess no Malkin, but they just seem like they have too much talent and they're squandering it. You're close. It would be fucking awesome if Pittsburgh missed the playoffs after all of that because fuck Pittsburgh. There's no better team to just see them fucking cry and cry.

They're the most fun team to watch suck in the NHL. And they are Philadelphia's bitches historically, and I like that about them. Historically, yeah. They had a huge streak where they just got their shit packed in every time they went to Philly's arena. It was like ten times in a row or something crazy. No, more.

Maybe it was like seven. Like ten years in a row. It was like outrageous. Like, I don't know, maybe I don't want to exaggerate, but it's a long time. Crosby hates Philly, of course. It's going back further further like the Broad Street Bully days is when they were that bad

oh wait okay so like 74-75 yeah that's I wonder if I can find I think that's what it was 74-75 or 75-76 yeah I was watching God I wish that the Blackhawks sucked because i like watching their games they lost 42 games in a row in philly that's unreal yeah i mean it's that's there are bitches

me because i play for the flyers right but uh yes yeah it's a real part of that you know yeah you know who wouldn't lose at home? Squarespace. This episode is being brought to you in part by Squarespace, where you can start building your website today. The sites there look professionally designed regardless of your skill level, and there is no coding required. They use intuitive and easy-to-use tools. Squarespace has state-of-the-art technology powering your website

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slash pka. Squarespace. Build it beautiful. Build it beautiful. There you go. Build it beautiful. So did you want to talk politics, Kyle? Who doesn't want to talk politics? This is the most...

This has never happened in American politics before. Not quite like this before. We're gonna... So Trump fucking dominated the other night. He even competed pretty well against the beloved Kasich in his home state. I think that's just an aberration. That's not an indication of the Trump train slowing down or anything like that. He won four out of five states.

He won five out of six. If you count that Samoan Island bullshit or whatever that was like nine delegates, and I count it because Trump counts it. Those are nine delegates. He's quite a ways ahead now. The only two candidates who are mathematically viable

to get to the necessary delegates to clinch this thing are Ted Cruz and Donald Trump. Of course, the GOP establishment is ever and always plotting, thinking of ways to make it not be one of those two. They don't like Cruz much more than they like Trump, just so you know. He's an outsider, a Tea Party conservative. They might like him less.

They might like him less. They've said some very bad things about him publicly before, insults, like stuff that you would think you'd hear from Trump, call him a jackass, stuff like that. So they don't want these guys, but if they try to throw Kasich in there, there's going to be an uprising. I've heard people start talking about

putting Paul Ryan in there, the Speaker of the House. They are going to be up to some real shenanigans come June or July in Cleveland, whenever it is. I really hope Sanders gets his... Excuse me, I really hope Sanders... Trump. Fuck me. I really hope Sanders... Fuck Sanders. I really hope Trump gets the necessary delegates. I went to the Trump rally this week. I really wanted to see what was going on.

It was a crazy atmosphere. If you want to hear more about it, we talked all about it on PKN this week. It was a good PKN. Very interesting. You guys should definitely check that out. Every so often, and it wasn't me doing it. It was really Kyle telling the story. I do a good show and I'm like, yeah, drop the mic. That's how I felt about our most recent PKN. Yeah, yeah.

But I told the whole story about going to the Trump rally and what it was like and the protesters and the violence and the rhetoric and all that stuff. Very fun experience. The Sanders thing. We saw what I believe was the end of the Sanders campaign. I want to lay out the Trump and the Sanders thing. We saw what I believe was the end of the Sanders campaign, at least. I want to lay out the Trump and the delegate thing,

because I feel like a lot of our listeners are young and maybe don't know how it works, but historically there's fewer people running. So in a lot of these early States, the delegates were divided up like six ways, seven ways. And because of that, it's harder to get the delegate count, right?

So the state's up to March 14th. Like roughly, if you get 20% of the vote, you get 20% of the delegates. So Cruz, Trump, Rubio, Kasich, and maybe even a little Carson. Dr. Ben Carson, the sleepy black doctor. Like all these guys were sharing the delegate count. So while Trump is beating everyone, he's winning with like 30% of the vote.

If there were two people in it and it was like 60, 40, instead of 30, 20, 20 something, you know, 15 or Allen would be, then he would have more delegates. So even though he's won a lot, he's won more States than anybody. He's really kind of like dominant in terms of states won. In terms of delegate count, he doesn't have a ton of delegates for someone who's doing as well as him because, like I said, the delegates are getting all divided up so many ways.

Kasich is kind of a motherfucker to me. Like he's mathematically eliminated, and he's just staying in the race trying to stop trump from getting the delegates he needs you know to me i've worse once you can't win you're supposed to drop out that's what everybody else did you can't win you drop out i feel like what he's doing is worse than just trying to stop trump because um it it's not just he's trying he's trying to stop the political process right now the american people are trying to decide which of these two men best represents their party, their ideals, all that shit.

And this guy's making that difficult. He's trying to send it to some contested or slash brokered convention or something where you've got party leaders and party bosses saying stuff. I already heard a GOP rules committee guy saying something. I'm going to try to quote him, but he basically said, he's like, the American people don't decide who the nominees are. The party does. That's just a myth. You don't want those people picking your fucking representative.

The people should be doing this thing. And he's interfering with the democratic process, if you ask me. He is mathematically incapable of getting to the correct number of delegates. If he won 112% of the remaining delegates at play at play then yes he would get to the required number so either he's going back in time or he's just being an asshole he's just being an asshole he's messing up the system i thought he was being really tactical and smart at first and then the more i thought about it the more i came around to what kyle's saying where it's like he's being tactical yeah but it's at the cost of subverting a lot of people's votes.

So it's like, OK, so you're kind of making a mockery of what they did by participating. Sometimes people write to me and they're like, well, you don't understand. The Republican Party is not the government. And that's true. But I do understand that. I just don't like it. I feel like, you know, the Republicans and the Democrats, it feels like a governmental process where you vote for and the government sponsors all the voting. You vote for who's going to be their representatives and then they go against each other. That's how this works.

If Trump gets the most delegates and the most votes and the most support from the people and then they go and pull Paul Ryan who didn't even run, then that's a problem. And Kyle said something that really burned into my head. This whole thing was set up to make Jeb Bush win. Like the reason that Florida came on the first day you could do a winner take all is that they expected Jeb Bush to clinch this thing on March 15th. The deck was stacked against them in the first place.

They did not see Trump coming out of nowhere and winning Florida and Jeb Bush being out of the race already. This thing was not lined up for Trump and he's winning anyway. And I'm not a huge Trump guy. He might be my guy. I don't know. I don't love any of them. But I do respect the will of the people. And I don't like this idea that Trump can win. And then suddenly they're like, nah, fuck it. Not Trump.

You know, it didn't get enough delegates. We're going to pull either some jackass who didn't run or Kasich or something like that. It's yeah. Um, I, if you want my,

uh, I still say the same thing I've been saying for a few weeks now. Can't stop that Trump train. It's going all the way. Um, one way or another, I got a little bet with Chiz. I think he has to get the delegates for me to get paid off.

I'm not exactly sure. I don't know what would happen. I bet five bucks that Rubio would not stay in the race until Florida because he was 25 points behind. It was going to be a humiliating loss that would probably prevent him from running for governor in the next cycle, which was his logical next step, I suppose, because he's fairly popular there. He could probably win governorship him from running for governor in a next cycle which was his logical next step i suppose because

he's fairly popular there he could probably win governorship and then you know maybe start his political career over again but i feel like he's crushed he's destroyed donald trump this populist reality star billionaire has ruined perhaps the political careers of some of the gop's best and brightest in jeb bush and and marco rubio mean, he really humiliated them on a national stage. I'm kind of with you on Jeb, but I don't agree about the Rubio thing. And I feel like Mitt Romney lost his first go at this thing, at least as bad as Rubio did this time.

And come four years, memories will be refreshed and Rubio might be the guy four years from now. We'll see. I got to disagree with that because he lost to George W. Bush that first time around, right? So I don't feel like... Primaries.

Maybe it wasn't the nominee? No, no, no. No, no. All right, so he became the nominee once, this past cycle, and he lost to Obama. But the previous cycle, he lost to George W. before he ever even got to the... No, the previous cycle, and he lost to Obama. But the previous cycle, he lost to George W.

before he ever even got to the... No, the previous cycle was 08. He lost to McCain. That's right. That's right. It was McCain. And then before... Okay. You're right. In any case, I don't think McCain really tore him apart the way

Trump did. I mean, Trump emasculates you. If McCain were running, I would vote for him now. If he wasn't 96 years old or whatever. Do you know what Trump said about McCain? Do you remember those remarks? No. Not a hero. I like people who don't get caught. Something like that.

In fairness, I think McCain went after him first and said something about Donald Trump, and Donald Trump was like, why do we even care what he has to say anyway? He got captured. I don't care what losers have to say. I want to hear from winners. People are like, oh, he's a war hero.

He's like, war hero? Eh, maybe. You know, hero? I like soldiers that don't get caught. You can't say that. If you put that on par with everything else he said, in a real way, that might be the worst. I'm just saying, like, you can't say that. If you put that on par with everything else he said, in a real way, that might be the worst. I'm just saying, like, yeah, we know you can't lose your arms.

I watched Rambo the other night. He escaped twice in one movie. Fuck that, McCain. That's how Donald Trump sees the world. He's got full range of motion, you know. He probably doesn't, Stallone. Yeah, no little bamboo splints under his fingernails. But yeah, anyway, politics got super interesting.

Sanders, like I called for the death of Sanders on Tuesday night. I was like, this guy lost every state, every single state he lost. And there are a lot of people who are saying, oh, but he looks so strong from here going forward. I'm pretty sure he's losing New York. He's losing California. And those are giant vote states. The argument you could make is that it's not uncommon for him to be like down by 30 and then only lose by five.

What a victory. Woohoo. And now like in California, New York, I'm making these numbers up. But he's down by five. Maybe he can be ahead by 10. But he's just so far behind. He's losing every state. He looks like a loser at this point. I don't know if people are going to change their mind.

No, they aren't going to change their mind. But there is the possibility that Hillary Clinton gets indicted. I'm literally naming the possibilities. She gets hit by lightning or she has a heart attack or any scenario in which Hillary Clinton can no longer move forward physically in this race. It would have to be the DOJ, the Department of Justice, run by Obama to indict her. It could be a concussion. That seems really unlikely.

They are separate. Now, the DOJ and the White House, they're very careful with that line, I think. Supposedly. If Obama steps in that and there's any hint of a footprint, I feel like that would be major. I feel like the DOJ might... Obama sets the tone on how they prosecute regarding marijuana.

They're like, you know what? We're not going heavy on that. That was an Obama call. The reason that Colorado has all this legal pot is that Obama decided not to have the feds come down on them. It's against federal law right now. So

if the wrong guy gets in office, they could just shut down Colorado's pot business. So I don't think it's as separate as Kyle thinks it is. I think it's supposed to be as separate as Kyle thinks it is, but it's not. I think in some regards it's separate, and I think the prosecution of a certain individual,

I would hope it would be. Doesn't she have a history of concussions as well? There was some story about that, right? Where she got a concussion or a head injury? Her lacrosse days? She hit her head in 2012 real bad what are you saying i a blood clot got dislodged okay i i guess i thought it was a concussion or something never mind then i just know that those are really really dangerous when

you're an old person is that when she imagined the sniper fire it could have been so she wasn't lying she was just mistaken fuck her i had fucking pantsuit with a giant mouth on top. I can't stand her. Just the worst human being ever. And Donald Trump's in the race. She's just the worst. I don't think that Putin would like her at all. I think Putin would love her.

He would win so much his people get tired of winning. Can we watch the attack? I think we've all seen it. Let's show off the new thing. Show them, Woody. This is fancy. I need to retune everything on this screen. As far as Sanders goes,

I think that Sanders needs a miracle, pretty much literally. He has no chance. It's over. I can't pause it you have to unmute yourself we need to watch this again people aren't getting it shit oh and then it went away mother link it again just link it mother Link it against link it again No, I can't link it again But I I need to pause the goddamn video and there's no pause button on the video that I can see and I need to Set it up while we're watching a video because otherwise I'd oh, you know and find a you you should find a YouTube link for this

video then because I think it's I think maybe but is would you know that And I can't pause it. Fucking fuckity fuck this fucking site. It hasn't been shit. So angry. It's doing its best. It's shit. And now we're all moved?

Oh, I like this better. Now my picture is behind my camera, so i get to look at me what i have to reorder everyone has the wrong name i like my name now better this is superior so yeah i like that ad there's just some things to work through the crowd did not see the ad uh oh yeah well all they saw was a bunch of the hockey statistics and uh well then now they know why i like i said chicago is going to be the uh coming out of the west uh so the problem is like i i need to do all these screen caps and organize it on the backdrop and uh i can only do it while it's in that state.

Like, for example, I can't do it before the guest gets here because everyone shuffles around when the guest joins. And it frustrates me because there's like a 10-second video and it fucked up. I'll have to do it. Well, I'm sure most people have seen that. Basically, it's Hillary barking like a dog. I don't know what the context is for that.

It couldn't have been a good idea then. Certainly doesn't reflect well on her now. And then it shows Putin kind of looking down like, what a bitch. And then it flashes to Trump and it says, we don't need to be an embarrassment. Make America great again. Yeah, and I guess it would never embarrass us.

There's that clip of Putin with some guy. I was reading about Putin's martial arts training today and it sounded very impressive. It was maybe Sambo, I think. I think it's pronounced Sambo. I'm not even sure.

That sounds right. Do you think he would propagate false information about his abilities? Probably not. He was also in the KGB. Probably not. From what I read, he received his belt for judo from some renowned Japanese. And he runs a dojo, or he's like the leader of a dojo somewhere,

and he's traveled to Japan to teach them stuff that he does. He just wanted to get his immediate family out of that igloo in Siberia. Just threw a belt at him and fled back to Japan. Yeah. He's a cagey guy. I'm sure he was once a badass, but I really don't feel like that means much.

There's a difference between being able to win a fist fight and being able to win a negotiation. I'm pretty sure Putin has don't know, negotiation. I'm pretty sure Putin has, has killed some people though. I feel like,

I feel like what it's getting down to is, is with, with a hardened, calculating, highly intelligent, highly motivated, devious kind of intimidating person. Um, he's all of those things.

He exemplifies them. I mean, he, he's physically, uh, intimidating for a man of his age, certainly, and his accomplishments and the KGB stuff. It doesn't mean – when you're in a room with the other person, it's a one-on-one negotiation.

I just feel like Trump has – I don't think that's how it happens. No, I don't think it's like House of Cards-y where it's like, hey, call me on my cell, 11 p.m., and it's like, oh, you woke me up, I'm just asleep. I think some of the biggest agreements that we've had between, say, Russia or the former Soviet Union and the United States happened, you know, over the phone, you know, between presidents and premiers

or whatever they called themselves. Tsars, right? Is he the Tsar still? No, that was... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, yes. I guess he can fight.

All right? She probably can't beat Hillary Clinton up. She's got a lot of mass. She is a bigger dick. She also has the body type of a Weevil. She takes one hit and she just keeps on coming back. You know? Just like those things with sand in the bottom.

Putin's over there wearing himself out. Punching himself out. He won't stay down. What do they say in Rocky IV? Like the Russian comes back to his corner after like the ninth round with Balboa and he's like, he is like a piece of iron! He's a machine, right?

Just horrible. That's a great movie. I love it. That's a great movie i love do you what's a clip from a movie that like the dialogue is so bad that it makes you cringe like uncomfortably is there a movie rocky five rocky five um the i want to find one balboa's in the street in rocky five and he says to the guy yeah um uh the guy's like if you hit me I'll sue you. I can't remember his line. That was pretty cringeworthy though when he has brain damage. I like the Rocky.

In terms of good lines, I think it's Rocky V. He's getting called out into the street. It might be Rocky IV. Rocky's going to go meet this guy and beat up a guy in the street and his buddies at the bar like yo rocky you need some help he's like no thanks this ain't no contest yeah i remember that yeah that was good he's gotta go fight he's gotta go like fight the young champ in a in a street fight and he's like i didn't hear no bell over there and

yeah stallone really thought he was gonna get that best supporting actor at oscar this year in a street fight. He's like, I didn't hear no bell over there. Stallone really thought he was going to get that best supporting actor Oscar this year. They had told him he was going to win or at least hinted at it. He's got his whole family there. He's on camera licking his chops like, I'm going to win two fucking Oscars for playing the same motherfucker like 30 years apart, never been done. I'm going to cement myself in the annals of Hollywood history. And then they

just gave to some other motherfucker real shame i watched it and i i i got into a big discussion on reddit today this whole leonardo dicaprio thing and uh my argument was and people hate hearing this is that he was an ordinary actor who picked extraordinary movies to be in. But if you really watch him play Wolf of Wall Street, I don't buy it. He's no Philip Seymour. I disagree. I disagree strongly with that.

Wolf of Wall Street, very strong performance. I feel like most of his performances are really strong. People were agreeing with me in the thread. They were like, you know what? Now that I watch it and actually watch him do his job or if you see him in the aviator you know like if you actually watch that i have not seen his exaggerated facial expressions and like i just i don't like him and then i linked seinfeld right and you could compare like if you just listen to the dialogue in this scene it was um george

costanza saying he was going to do the opposite of everything he's been doing so like whatever he would normally do just do the opposite because if you always do the wrong thing then you could always do the right one and the screenplay to me was like black guy say white high school level shit right like I feel like there are high school kids writing screenplays that good

but the way he just knocks it out of the park and Elaine you're a madman someone has to shut you up i'm a genius no no watch the clips there are high school kids writing better stuff than seinfeld it's good it's literally i said it was high school level show ever that's it's no no it's not just the writing it's the creativity the uniqueness of the plots the way that it really reaches out to people and it's like wow that's like a real life thing like just kind of pushed a little further where it's like oh i would do something like you know put up with a rude guy

serving me food if he really did have the best soup on the block or like oh you know i could see how that would work or oh you know i can imagine being george stuck in this relationship trying to escape and then she ends up poisoning herself on stamps and dies anyway. He kind of feels good about it. He feels envelopes. Or was it the toxic stamps? I think it was the envelopes. It was the envelopes.

The cheapest ones they had. That was his only thing he picked was the fucking envelopes and they were toxic. Killed her. That's one of my favorite shows of all time. And Seinfeld stand-up, I don't really like it one bit. But that show is great. I agree 100%. Larry David

is the most talented of that pair. You ever see Curb Your Enthusiasm? I think I watched a couple episodes of that and I couldn't get into it. Yeah, me either. But I appreciate that it's a good show. It's just not my cup of tea. Oh, are you guys up on Better Call Saul?

Yeah, I'm all caught up. Yeah, I think I watched the fifth episode. I want to watch this thing with you guys. Fuck, I'm trying to set it up so I can get it close. What are we watching? George Costanza do his thing. I'm trying to watch this, see how this works works that'll at least get me close for when it starts all right here's the link together are you ready oh wait I just

click it and it'll automatically sync us all up it'll automatically sync us all up. Now watch. Listen to the words. The words are not brilliant. The words aren't brilliant. It's the way he says it doesn't work Why don't it all turn out like this for me? I had so much promise I Was personable I was bright. Oh Maybe not academically speaking I was perceptive I

Always know when someone's uncomfortable It's the performance. It all became very clear to me sitting out there today that every decision I've ever made in my entire life has been wrong. I'm telling you, watching DiCaprio and To Catch Me If You Can, there with Hanks, I feel like he's just as good.

I feel like he becomes the guy. Something to wear. Something to eat. It's all been wrong. It's all been wrong. Tuna toast, coleslaw, cup of coffee. No, no, wait a minute. I always have tuna on toast.

Nothing's ever worked out for me with tuna on toast. I want the complete opposite of tuna on toast. Chicken salad. Chicken salad, unripe. Untoasted with a side of potato salad, and a cup of tea. Well, there's no telling

what can happen from this. It doesn't have to be written to be super eloquent and great. It's getting the point across of what it is, a comedic scene. That conciseness is part of what makes it funny sometimes it's sharp writing it's just sharp writing the director adds to it george is one of the best

characters ever but it's not just that i feel like the writing can't be a little much i love it i don't think it can but also i've seen this don't think it can, but also... I've seen this in 18 times. It's not about you. Instead of tuna salad and being intimidated by women, chicken salad and going right up to them. Yeah, I should do the opposite. If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right.

Yes. I will do the opposite. I used to sit here and do nothing and regret it for the rest of the day. So now I will do the opposite and I will do something. Excuse me. I couldn't help but notice

that you were looking in my direction. Oh, yes, I was. You just order the same exact lunch as me. My name is George. I'm unemployed and I live with my parents. It's the opposite, I guess. He's not lying about his job. I'm Victoria. Hi. Okay, so I guess we'll stop it there i'm sorry to cut you off but i i wanted people to see it like i see it like just watch it and don't just like sit back and enjoy the show but like critique the performances and the script and costanza was killing it in there. He is, but real, like, yeah, he's killing it. But you don't need a super high level of writing to convey humor in that way.

The goal wasn't for him to be like, oh, you know, doth think thou are not acting as thou shouldest? And it's like, he doesn't have to talk like Shakespeare or have some eloquent quip every two seconds. Just the quick, straightforward thing makes you... That kind of writing, I think, is arguably better because it's more like the way people would talk. Where it's like... I think he's got great direction there, too,

because you've got Larry David right next to the camera. He's your director. And George's character is Larry David. That's who it's based off of. So he can go in there and be like, no, no, I'd say it like this. I feel like it's a perfect storm that makes George a great character. Because I've watched YouTube videos where Larry David and George are together, and Larry David tries to be Costanza, and he fucking sucks at being Costanza. The student has passed the teacher.

I've heard this narrative before that, like, you know, oh, yeah, Larry David is the real genius behind this thing. George just imitates him. No. Larry David cannot do George Costanza nearly as well as whatever. Woody is correct on this. Woody's right. I've seen clips of this, too, where Larry David even said something like,

oh, I had an idea for George, but when whatever his name is started playing him, it was like a whole new reality of it opened up to me that he was doing it better than even I thought was possible. So that's true. They were surprised by his ability to carry that character. I don't know. People will disagree with me, I'm sure. I think it's gotten awards for its writing,

so clearly people who do but to me I thought that script was an ordinary script turned into an extraordinary show by amazing acting. When you talk about the script I think the ideas, the things that are happening

and how you start off on two or three paths and then they converge by the end and become one bigger story work with everyone interacting I think it's brilliant like like like and some of the things that just happen like you know when he's golfing and he's getting a hole in one in the end of whale and meanwhile George is pretending to be a marine biologist to get laid so he's in the scenario where she's like save the whale George save the whale and he's telling the story about rolling his sleeves and walking into the surf and

Suddenly a wave waves crashing all on me like she said and I was lifted up onto the back of the great beast And you know he's telling the story like sure he's killing it right there He is great, but who the fuck wrote a story of where Kramer gets a, you know, hits the whale and a blowhole. And that's the punchline at the end. You know, Kramer goes, hole in one. And that's the show, you know. I feel like everything is great on Seinfeld. Seinfeld's the greatest

TV show that there's ever been as far as sitcoms go. It's the greatest sitcom ever, ever, ever that there ever was. Is that a Titleist? Is that a Titleist? Is that a Titleist? Is that a Titleist? That's not how you spell Titleist. He doesn't know it. That looks like an ancient Egyptian god.

Or I guess Greek god looks better. Titleist. Titleist. Lord of the Underworld. But I think it's a lot of great things coming together. I think it's great writing, great acting, great directing. You know, you get Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David coming together. And I've heard there was a female writer.

I don't know her name, but she's been on the Stern Show before, and she wrote a lot of the better episodes, and she talked about her writing style and the team of writers and everything. Just a lot went into making Seinfeld, the greatness that it was. I'm due for a rewatch of that show. Yeah, I'm on Better Call Saul. Oh, yeah, Better Call. I don't want to spoil it, so I don't want to mention too much. But I'm liking the way it it was. I'm due for a rewatch. But yeah, I'm on Better Call Saul. Oh yeah, Better Call. I don't want to spoil it,

so I don't want to mention too much. But I'm liking the way it's progressing. I picture myself. How many seasons? There's two. How many seasons do you think? I know that we're on the second season now, and the third season has already been greenlit.

But I'm wondering, how many do they squeeze in during this time before Breaking Bad events start occurring? I think they're going to start doing... I spoke to Melissa about this too, and I thought at first they'd get one more season and then the finale of next season would be him becoming Saul.

But I'm thinking that they might do what they've been doing and have flashbacks and flash-forwards throughout it, like they have, where it shows him as a young guy trying to get the approval of his brother, and then it flash-forwards to him as Saul doing something devious that kind of relates to what he was learning with his brother. I think that's what they're going to end up doing. I don't know if Chiz knows or if he was guessing,

but I had the same idea that at the end of next season – oh, he's guessing. I think at the end of next season, we're introduced to the whole Walter White thing, and then season four has a lot of it. I don't think so i think this whole this whole series i think is going to have nothing to do with walter and then there might be like a brief mention of it with gus at the end being like uh so i have something that you need

to take care of and then like it's it shows like walt down there like scrubbing a tank and then it goes black or something like they're not go right through the Breaking Bad period. No, he's been Saul for so long that there have to be dozens of stories about him being Saul before he even knew about Gus or any of those characters. They can squeeze five seasons in here if they want. I figure by the end of this season, maybe he's not Jimmy Page anymore or whatever. I think that's the name. McGill.

Jimmy McGill. Jimmy McGill or whatever it is. Jimmy Page is a drummer, isn't he? Yeah, maybe. I feel like at the end of this season, maybe he starts to become Saul Goodman. Then you've got a full season of him being Saul Goodman, and you can squeeze another one in on top of that

if you want to. But they're not going to get Bryan Cranston to come in and reprise his role. If you think about the first meeting of Bryan Cranston's character, Walter White and and the I wouldn't be surprised if Chris the Saul Goodman character the first meeting is when

you know they went and kidnapped him right I'm trying to remember exactly how it went down but I remember they you know they went and kidnapped the motherfucker and took him off and yeah they can't do the breaking bad plot line I don't think because just like Kyle said that's the first time they're introduced and so if they start that plotline it's like okay

so now we're caught up to this point and we're just retelling the story from a different perspective kind of because Walt was also with Saul a lot that he's going to reshoot those scenes from a different angle. I don't think Saul was a small character in Breaking Bad though so like

the whole six seasons of Breaking Bad could be half a season or something. No, if you look at the... I don't know how many total episodes there are of Breaking Bad, but if you look up on IMDb where it says how many times a character has shown up in a given series,

I bet he's in 80% of the episodes. Yeah, you might be right. Brian Cranston's not going to be part of this thing. They said early on that there might be some characters and we've seen some characters obviously with Tuco and I think you're going to get Hector Salamanca in there and you've gotten the old uncle who had the stroke cool to see him

not stroked out great actor clearly Saul was in 43 of the 62 episodes that's more than i would have guessed okay yeah yeah i know what you mean with the the guy who's stroking out like i'm catching myself while i'm watching him i'll just be there like lips around like him i uh i like better call saul a lot i'm enjoying it i also feel like they're not giving us enough meat the whole show's bread it's like it's almost doing the lost thing where every episode is like a trailer for a show i'd like to see you're both frozen for me um

oh really i did a whole hector hitting a button and then i did the explosion animation i saw a trailer for a show I'd like to see. You're both frozen for me. Oh, really? I did a whole Hector hitting a button, and then I did the explosion animation? I saw part of that. Okay. And the Kyle poop. Yeah. Okay. Anyway.

Every episode of Better Call Saul, there's something in it, and it's fun, but I'm almost anticipating the things that are coming more than I enjoyed what I just saw. You know, in, in Game of Thrones, every so often you're like, Oh my God, like a third of the shows in Game of Thrones will have like the big Sansa rape or the, um, John fights the White Walkers or so-and-so did an assassination or something like that. Like there's an event that happened that you're like, oh my. Better Call Saul has been a year and a half of setting up events that will happen at some point. You're absolutely right about that.

It's already been a season and a half of a character's origin story. Saul Goodman is who we want to see. It's called Better Call Saul, but they haven't even uttered the word Saul yet, if you think about it. And that's a little odd. After the first season, they should have gotten past all this Jimmy McGill stuff by the first season, if you ask me. He should have already made his left...

I think it's interesting. I think the reason that it's like that is because one series, like with Game of Thrones, you don't know what's going to happen. So everything is like, you're kind of taking the tidbits in as they come, where it's like, oh, that's so cool. Oh, that's so cool. With Breaking, or Better Call Saul, it's a prequel.

So at the end of the day, you know the end road. You know what happens at the end of Breaking Bad, and that's the last possible thing you could know, unless there's like fucking fan fiction out there. And so everything you get, you immediately kind of aggregate into your knowledge of this universe. You're like, all right, next thing, next thing. I know where the end game is.

Come on, let's get this going. I just think it's the nature of watching a prequel show is that you're trying to get them to step on the gas. But I don't know. I don't think they're lingering in Jimmy McGill time too long. I wish they did a whole episode or two about him scamming people on the streets instead of breezing through that because I thought that was really interesting. Yeah, it's weird. I'm taking this. I hate when people do what I'm about to do.

It's like, I like it, but these other people, they're not as high brow as me and they don't have the attention span to wait seasons. So for their benefit, you need to do, and I hate that.

I hate that what I just did but i i am kind of doing it anyway like i'm enjoying it i really am but i'm afraid we're gonna watch ratings decline and and see that they they just spent too much time on build up without giving anyone any reward here's here's what i want to see here's what i want every episode of better call saul to be like new client comes in. Saul starts dealing with that. It's always a mess no matter what it is. They're guilty or they're slimy. He gets sucked into that.

There's always him dealing with the mess that's created by what he does for a living. It always looks like he's about to make it rich, this big client, this big opportunity, but then shit goes sour. Meanwhile, you've got the ball, Armin Klamp, whatever his fucking name is, the bald old guy.

Ermin Trout, yeah, my favorite character in the show. You got him doing his dirt. Is that his name? Yeah, Mike. You got Mike Ermin Trout out there doing his dirt constantly, and they're working together, and you get Bill Burr in there, you get that black guy with the pointy head in there, and you get that. Those

four always up to no good, like always plotting, always doing things. That's the show I want to see, and that's why I'm still watching. I don't care about Jimmy's brother and his relationship with him. Fuck that fucker who's afraid of electricity. I don't care about his blonde girlfriend

who he keeps, he's going to ruin her life. Let that woman go and find a normal man and have a wonderful life. You are ruining her life. She is a great person. And that juicy law and find a normal man and have a wonderful life. You are ruining her life. She is a great person. And that juicy law firm that doesn't fit in. He needs to cut ties with all that and get to what I just described.

Bill Burr, that black guy, Mike, and Saul are the cornerstones of a great show. That pretty lawyer that he's almost a boyfriend of. Yeah, courting yeah um is she in breaking bad isn't she in breaking no oh no she's not just in my head okay no he probably gets her killed or something the way she could die

here's my guess he changes to saul to fall on the sword to protect her. You know, at first with that whole douchey law firm thing, but like that blonde guy who was just all smug and cunty, uh, I am starting to turn around to him because so many episodes now is like Jimmy just kind of going out of his way to fuck them passively or actively. And then afterwards just kind of like, well, I thought you guys would understand.

And then his older brother is like I know I'm crazy and I don't like electricity but I also built this company and you're like I don't fucking trust you you're slipping and blaming people on things so it's like I like Saul the most by far but he's a dick I was kind of with Saul at the end

I don't know it's weird right it's a good show. If you guys haven't watched Better Call Saul, I think you'll really like it. And he keeps doing these things that aren't like he bought advertising. I thought he was kind of approved to do advertising too. No. Because they showed the prior commercial.

It's very straightforward. And what they said was a great point. We aim for a certain kind of clientele who would be interested in the sort of law firm who's out there casting the net for the lowest common denominator. We see those misothelioma commercials all the time if you watch any daytime television. It's a big net they cast for the dregs of society to get on these class action lawsuits. They didn't want that. And all he had to do was walk into that man's office because it was clearly an open-door policy.

He could have just said, hey, I got the ticket right here. And they might have critiqued it, but he'd have probably still gotten his results. He's just an asshole. He's self-destructive. He's just shadier than they want to be. But his shadiness isn't that outright. He's not like – apparently it's bad to like approach the people that live in that nursing home and go at him directly so he'll like go into a bus where

they're all there and talk to one very loudly so they can be overheard and that is shady i don't think it's illegal you left out the part where he he paid the bus driver to sit there and pretend like the bus was broken down. He's so shady. He's a shady... Those old people wanted to get that early bird special. They're out there being hassled by a lawyer. You know, he's a slimy lawyer.

I want to talk about the show. Did you guys watch Octopad yet? No, but I put it in my watch list. Which is a big step for me. It's there. I see it every time I log on. So it's going to happen.

It's going to happen. I want to talk about Daredevil, though, because currently it's March 17th, Thursday. Tomorrow will be Friday, and it will debut all 10 episodes, I believe. And the day after that, you guys will be hearing this. So after you're done listening to us here, you could go and watch some Daredevil.

Season 2 is coming out. I have not watched any of the teasers. Chiz went ahead and spoiled it a bit for me, but I won't do that for you guys. I think it's going to be great. I think it's going to be really great. They're mixing in some more characters. They're going to have several spin-off series. They're going to have Iron Fist,

Punisher, and they're going to have their own little 10-episode series. They're going to be releasing these things every month, every two months, something like that. So we're going to have a Marvel television empire going on there and I'm excited about that. I didn't like Jessica Jones. I still don't like

Jessica Jones and that's not going to change. But I think Iron Fist, I didn't click the link, but just looking at the actor he looked like the guy who plays Sir Loras in Game of Thrones. The gay long-haired brother of um the former king you know um the fancy knight or whatever fancy but um so i think he's iron fist and uh the punisher is played by that guy uh from um what was the um uh walking dead the one who one who was fucking Rick's wife when he was away. Oh, that guy.

That muscled, brown-haired guy. Yeah. I really like the Punisher. He's one of my favorite superheroes. Not that I'm into a lot of superheroes, but I know what most of them do. And the Punisher's my favorite because he's got no powers. He's just got anger and revenge working for him and a big bag of guns. He just shoots bad

guys he doesn't arrest him and let the authorities sort this out he didn't lock him in some magical prison where they are bound to escape there's no arkham asylum for these motherfuckers he's shooting people he's shooting people and then leaving and uh you're gonna see him buttheads with daredevil what's the guys deadpool's good that way, too. Punisher more so, because he's only guns. You know, Deadpool will do some cartwheels and crack some jokes and break the fourth wall. The Punisher will just shoot you from a rooftop

and then leave. I like that about him. I prefer the Punisher. I prefer him by revenge. I don't know the Punisher very well, other than the logo. Would he beat the shit out of Captain America? No, no. He's a regular guy.

He's a regular guy. He was law enforcement, like a fed or something, and then they killed his family. He would beat 15, 20 Punishers simultaneously. I know. I can't rehash the Captain America thing again. I've got to keep going. I can't get into Captain America. He would leadership the fuck out of all of them

he would oh anyway yeah the punisher sounds cool i've never oh shit no pal's back okay yeah the punisher looks cool is it a comic book yes it's a marvel comic i've never read it there's a preacher Preacher. Have you heard of the Preacher? It's like another comic book series or animated graphic novel, whatever. Melissa's really into that. Apparently they're making it. I don't know. I guess I thought it was bigger than it was.

I'd like to know more. I love Sin City when it came out. I like that style. The movie, you mean? Yeah. I didn't like the sequel, but anything like Sin City, I really loved. Yeah, it really did suck. Eva Green's so hot in that first one. Well,

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So you go to tracker.com, we need to rephrase that, don't we? So you go to tracker.com, enter promo code PK50. I think it's 40% off if they buy the single, right? If they buy one of them? Of their first order? On your first order. Okay. But it's a flat, I believe it's a

flat amount off. It only applies to the single. Single only. So it's 40% if you to the single. Single only. It's 40% if you buy the single. As a percentage, it's lower if you buy the triple. If you buy the triple, you'll still get a discount.

It's just 40% off the single. It's worded that way. If you go to tracker.com and enter promo code PKA, the hardest thing you'll ever have to find is their website. Go to tracker.com right now and enter promo code PKA. So the hardest thing you'll ever have to find is their website. Go to tracker.com right now and enter offer code PKA for 40% off. Again, that's tracker.com, promo code PKA. Wait, stop here for a second because we made a mistake.

It's thetracker.com. You can see the URL in the side. Yes, I'm sorry, thetracker.com. My apologies. So the hardest thing really will be finding their website. Yes, especially if Kyle fucks up the read. It's not one word. There was a space. I'm sorry.

TheTracker.com. Yeah, so I bet auto-corrected that too. Like put the space in there. Anyway, TheTracker.com. There'll be annotations on the side, links in the description, etc. I'm sure you guys can find it. I wish I invented this, dude. Because I think the person who makes this will make like $10 million on the side, links in the description, etc. I'm sure you guys can find it. But this thing seems really neat. I wish I invented this, dude. Because I think the person who makes this will

make $10 million on the low end. I suspect... You know the Pebble, the first smartwatch? That thing went huge. I don't know if it's still huge with Apple getting into the same market. But this thing, to me, is as

brilliant an idea as that thing. Indiegogo says they raised 1.7 million. That's just the beginning. Like, I would love to be able... I hardly... I pretty much never lose my keys. I don't know why. But I'm often putting my phone down somewhere

and you have to have, Jackie, would you call my phone, etc. Like, that's not uncommon for me. I would love it. If I could press a button and find my phone and then on the rare occasion the opposite you know press a button and find my keys it's freaking genius and kyle you said i don't think i'm giving it away you said you want to put on your range bag so you could yeah locate that again yeah yeah my range bag's got valuable there might be two or three suppressors and you got like three or four

thousand dollars just right there and you know something this big and then you throw a few handguns in and it could quickly go up six or eight thousand dollars in a bag you know the size of a woman's purse so it's nice to have you don't want my phone such a big deal i want my phone because it has all these like i think i think I have more like two stage authentication things than most, most people do. It seems like every day, like the Woody craft website or my YouTube channel or my Twitter, whatever I use to stage off on everything that offers it.

And I, if I lost my phone, I lost my off device. That's a big deal. So yeah. Yeah. Anyway, I, this is a cool thing i i feel like i'm comparing it to some of the biggest biggest things going on right now like the pebble watch

which is kind of i think phase through um oculus rift like this thing it it could be a huge thing so how far away will it detect? It's using a network of other users, so it could be hundreds of miles away. If it's close enough to any iPhone out there that's using this technology, you'll still get a ping off of it. You know what would be good? You got a young dog.

You got to let it out. Something else is happening. Having that on your dog's collar just in case runs out gets lost it's not some apocalyptic thing where you're hoping it doesn't die quick or fix that's a good use for it I would definitely do that

they definitely make it with that in mind they make a waterproof cover that goes on it and everything so yeah I don't let Kitty hear this she'll put one on Dak and the next time he escapes we'll actually be able to find him I'm hoping he disappears at some point you're gonna sabotage the tracker just buddy's being bad buddy is so sweet yeah right this is a dog that just knows nothing but love he's been attacking ender constantly and jackie if chiz is listening and he is um jackie would

used to accuse buddy of attacking ender, and it wasn't true. Buddy would be pinned up against the wall with Ender's mouth on his neck and not biting, but just holding him. Buddy is like legit, hair raised on his back, barking, lunging, even biting. He drew blood. And I'm just like, dude, Buddy, I think Buddy needs an ass kicking. I think one of the bigger dog needs to just sort of lay it out there one time. That's hard to explain to your wife, though, I bet. I think she's on board with the Buddy getting an ass kicking.

Yeah, yeah. Because that is the case, like especially since Buddy is like a full-sized dog. Like he's not some little rat terror that couldn't stand up to a bit of an ass-kicking. My dad has this issue where he's got this tiny little rat terrier, but then he's also got a Doberman Pinscher and a Bulldog, and there's all these larger dogs around. And so those dogs have to be aware of the pecking order, and they are, to their credit.

The ones who weren't aware of the pecking order are no more. But that little dog will go after the big one, and if the big one has to just know, he don't mean it. And luckily, most of our dogs have that kind of attitude when it comes to him. But some dogs don't. They need an ass kicking.

Are you saying, like, you're gonna are you gonna kick the dog's ass, or are you gonna have one of your dogs do it? Option two. Option two. Yeah, that's what he's saying. Ender needs to whip the lab's ass so the lab knows the pecking order.

So it's not – because right now what you've got is the ender's not like a mature man dog really yet, an adult dog. Although he may never get there because Woody took his testicles away. They're still there. Oh, well, maybe good for him. Congrats. When he becomes a mature man dog, he's going to be like, hey, what are you fucking with me for? There's a pecking order here, and he's going to sort that out. But right now, he's still a puppy

getting beat up by a grown dog. Ender is legit. He can be like a Twilight thing on the subreddit and on Twitter. I'm going to be hashtag Team Ender. Team Ender. So Ender is twice as heavy as Buddy, and he feels three times as large. I got the right team. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm not losing this one. The Flyers may win, but Ender's bringing this one home. I think he is. Yeah, he weighs twice as much, maybe more. And he looks three times larger. He weighs twice as much, maybe more. And he looks three times larger. And he just – Buddy is only getting away with his shenanigans out of the goodness of Ender's heart. And he is such a sweet dog that it could carry on.

But I just – I feel like stop poking the bear. You know, I just – because the reason I want Ender to hit back just once is because there's no more hitting. I don't see Ender picking on Buddy. Ender's chill. and there's chill, uh, but buddy's picking on Ender and maybe, well, like Kyle said with dogs like that,

if you're, if Ender feels like your buddy is just not a threat at all, kind of like a little dog nipping at him, it'll just kind of be like, oh, well, whatever. Like he doesn't realize that to everybody else in the house,

that's one big animal attacking a bigger animal. And it's kind of disruptive. I'm sure that they're slamming all over the place. You're lifting cups of juice off the table as they're bumping into it. There's barking, woof, woof, woof. And then there's an aggressive fighting bark. And that's what Buddy's making. And I just don't like that in the house. that can't be so yeah it's stressful for everyone it is yeah yeah yeah so we can't have that yeah you can't find your chi you know as of now you

have to go all the way to the other side use one of the four quiet rooms that you've made in the home just to kind of find your head find your head space yeah um word kyle by the gun i didn't i wrote you right back but i don't see it anymore mayhaps mayhaps he will mayhaps not okay maybe and perhaps combined mayhaps that's a game of thrones word mayhaps you never caught that never with uh it's in the, and I can't recall if that old codger who reads it ever used the word mayhaps. But, yeah, mayhaps,

that's old-time talk. Or it sounds like it, or something British people would say. Here's another one where I'm probably in the minority, but I feel like that guy's audio book reading days have passed. You can hear in a guy's voice how old he is right when you hit like 90 you keep it all the characters sound like old men the women sound

like old men he just like you do a great old man impression with it that's all he does he blows the horn right and it's just like this weak nasally sounding like like the guy would start like they're like a sound the horn ool guy does he's an old frail man reading in the parts of like this mountain and you know swordsmen and and heroes and like you know these guys are horseback coat or a suit of armor going into battle and he's like you know and then alfredis the warrior said you know like i'm so sleepy yeah it's awful and then igor tall as a sycamore he was walked in and said oh back off of this fight or i'll be forced to to call in reinforcements and it's like that's not that's not how igor would sound you'd have a booming voice and be scary. It takes you out of the moment when he is voicing a tough character,

and that tough character sounds just like the 80-pound waif that he was voicing 60 seconds earlier. You know who should do this? Lefty. Lefty should read the next Game of Thrones book. He might do better. He would be great at audiobooks. He would be excellent. He aspires to do them. I think he got

close on something and then just missed it. I don't know. I forget the explanation. I have politics in my head, but whatever. In the auditioning process, he almost landed something that would have been very great for his audio career, but maybe next time.

Hopefully he gets it because he's got a voice for it definitely yeah it's a a good voice and then i you know he has the right equipment and knows how to use it and that's part of the job um it sounds like i don't know i i'm trying to it there's an aspect of it that's almost like photography right photography is two things there's composition right which is what you're taking a picture of and how you frame it, and that's a huge part of photography. And then there's also just a machine operator in there, you know? And a lot of people think, like, ooh, that's a great camera.

I bet everything you take is gold. No, it looks a lot like your iPhone picture because I'm not a gifted photographer. That's one that I'm – it's a lot like your iphone picture because i'm not a gifted photographer um but that's one that i'm it's a hard sell on because i know there's probably a ton of stuff like lighting and whatnot if you're a real photographer but it also seems like with how many filters and options you have to change the product and post that you could take a real garbage pic and then Instagram it up and put on that show of like, oh yeah, I just walked out in the snow in my Uggs and snapped this pic with my mom's Canon D60, a $1,500 camera, and then I threw on the smoky undertone and posted it. I don't know how to do that.

I just went upstairs to grab a soda, and Kitty said that... You got lost? No, Kitty said that Tim had emailed her, and I guess I'm going to some sort of special forces slash UFC fighter retreat. I guess there's... I don't know UFC very well, but I guess there's three champions that are going to be there, and there's also going to be some SEAL team guys there, apparently.

Oh, this is what he's dreaming. Yeah, there's some kind of... We're going to do like... It's some sort of... I've been to these Special Forces training grounds before. So I think it's going to... It mentions something like that. Like a weekend where we're going to cook out.

And there's going to be rappelling. And he said he'd show me some MMA stuff. because i told him i had like a like some interest in that so look at what he's gonna do this is like if you came back and you were like oh my kitty knows the gm and i got tickets to all the playoff games for nhl this year probably just throw them away like this is my dream he asked me if I knew anything about MMA or anything and I was like I took like 3 months of Jiu Jitsu so not really and he's like oh that's cool at least you know the basic basics

he's like there's gonna be a math there he's like we're all gonna be rolling and stuff and it'd be fun to get some video of you getting some champ in a headlock or something so I think we're gonna to have a good time. That sounds awesome. It's going to be real cool.

I'm just making all this up to fuck with Woody, by the way. I'm just making all that up to fuck with Woody, by the way. Did you see his face? Hook, line, and sinker. Did you see his face? He thought me and Conor McGregor would be drinking beer in the woods

and he was kidding. I was legit believing it all. I was like, yeah, and when Milo came on, he wanted to fuck him. I'm Kyle's uncle and friend. You could see the resentment building up as he went on and on.

The things that Woody would want to do the most. That's what i described i described a woody weekend that that sounded awesome though right i would love that myself i'm not over it entirely like when you wake up from a nightmare i was thinking that you're still yeah yeah i just i sometimes dream that jackie cheats on me and I wake up angry with her. It's not okay for her to misbehave in my sleep. It's kind of where I am.

Emotions affect our bodies, our brain chemistry, all that stuff. You're waking up with the brain chemistry and the blood chemistry of a man who thinks those things. It's only natural that you're still feeling all the stress. You're feeling everything that comes along.

You probably wake up in a cold sweat and you're ready to throw down. All because that whore couldn't let you get a good night's rest. I put this fucking roof over her head. The mother of my children! My children! It's blowing up. I, I, it happened not too long ago,

like a couple of weeks ago. And, uh, what the deal was is I like forgave her and kept the relationship together, but I didn't forgive her. And I brought it up every fucking day. She couldn't pick up the kids for school without me making a snide, like keep your knees together, whore. You know, like that's what living with me, every fucking day. She couldn't pick up the kids for school without me making a snide like,

keep your knees together, whore. You know? Like, that's what living with me post-cheating on me would be like. It just, you know, like, no fucking trust ever again. Constant, like, I would just ruin it until we eventually broke it off anyway. 37 dicks!

Before wedding and the funeral. I broke so 37 dicks! Before wedding and funeral. I broke so many dicks in front of the parking lot. Oh, no, no. That's clerks. That's what I'm doing. Clerks. Yeah.

Clerks and clerks too are the only good movies that man has ever made. Kevin Smith. Chasing Amy? Is that one he made too? I like that. Chasing Amy is good.

I like Mallrats too. I take it back. I didn't mean what I said, I guess. I guess I really just like Clerks and Clerks 2 much more than the rest, though his full collection is good, and I like the cameos that he has. They're all good. You don't have to go over nice. He has some

stinkers. I like Jay and Silent Bob. I'm going to do full rewind. I spoke out of turn there. But I really like Clerks and Clerks 2. I went and watched Clerks 2 in theaters. I thought it was hysterical. It was a

laugh out loud the whole way. For 19-year-old me, I think I was for sure. I like Jay and Silent Bob a lot. Wait, were there two of those? Am I mixing it up? There's probably several. They have names though like Strike Back.

The one where they worked in a fast food restaurant. That's Clerks 2. Oh, thank you. Anyway, Clerks 2 missed expectations for me. I liked it. Even with the donkey scene. Yeah, I just... You know what holds it together for me? It's how fucking hot What's-Her-Name is.

She's in Daredevil. She's not Spanish. I think she's like half black. Rosario Dawson. Rosario Dawson is... Rosario's not Hispanic? I mean, I'm making mean, look it up. I honestly don't know.

But Rosario Dawson, to me, is one of the hottest women, hottest female actresses that there is. She's so fucking hot. And if you look up Rosario Dawson nude or Rosario Dawson full frontal, you'll see what I'm talking about. She's just a specimen,

an object of perfection, a beautiful woman. She's really well-spoken. I've seen interviews with her. Her eyes turn me on. I love her fucking eyes. Her lips are perfect. This woman has a perfect, perfect body.

Would you like to know her nationality? Sure, let's hear it. Because in big, let's hear it. In big, bold letters, it says American. Not that one. I want to know the other one. You won the couch. It turns out we're all pretty right.

She's Afro-Cuban, Puerto Rican, Irish, and Native American. I like that. Just like pick three. That's great. Dude, the blends are always the hottest. So true. When someone's a blue-blood Irishman for generations, they're all fucked up. Their eyes are twisted.

Bill Burr. There's lumps of flesh on their faces. Look at Bill Burr and Louis C.K. That's what you get. Pasty, balding, genetically inferior in many ways. They're literally, you know, just not looking great. Not redheads, no, because that doesn't apply to all redheads.

Like, my cousin is a redhead. He's 6'2", 200 pounds. He's, like, strong and talented and doesn't burn for the sun either. He's American. But, yeah, there's a lot of times when I see a mix, I think, ha, they seem to get the best of both in this mix.

I think that's unfair because you only pay attention. They'll be like, oh, that blazing is so hot, half black, half Asian. Nobody's ever like, oh, man, if you mix a Scott and someone from eastern Ukraine, whoo, like nobody's ever like that. You'd get an alcoholic, I guess. I think she's really hot, and she's probably the hottest woman of color, if you would call her that or categorize her that way, in my opinion. Just so hot to me.

I think she's hotter than Halle Berry. You know what I noticed about my prejudice today? That really sounded bad. If I told you to picture a really pretty black girl, I bet she has it together in a lot of ways outside of just being pretty.

Like, no? I don't know that. If you say, are you picturing her financial situation and her education while you picture a hot black girl? I'm picturing her addiction.

I'm picturing, like, her addiction. I'm picturing her dress. When you say it's a really pretty black girl, I feel like she may have good grades in school. When everyone's leaving? Yeah. I'm going to call it. You check. Hey, Chris Rock, tell us about the two kinds of black people real quick.

No, no, no, no, no. Oh, stop. No, I just realized all of a sudden today, real quick. No, no, no, no, no. Oh, stop. No, I just – I realized all of a sudden today, and I'm like, oh, that's probably a bad thing because pretty is really just a genetic thing, not a – like the whole package thing. It's a skin-deep thing. But somehow, yeah, I thought to myself, yeah, when I think really pretty black girl, I think that she has it together in a hundred ways let's go to the women of color uh subreddit and let's see which black women there we each find most attractive okay there's no nudity is there oh lots so much fucking nudity oh that makes it hard for me to to do it is there is there an r tactful pictures of black women i'm working working on that. Let me see if women of color is NSFW because I'm not positive.

Oh, every one of these is NSFW. Is it by default? Every one of these. Every single one. Here. I'll just... I hope no one finds this offensive.

No. That's okay. I mean, we could pick each race. There's a certain kind of Asian woman that I prefer, for sure. What flavor? I like when they've got really big tits. I thought you were going to say Korean, Japanese, Chinese. Japanese.

Japanese, for sure, and with really big tits. So much so that you're like, damn, that Asian chick's with really big tits. Like, so much so that you're like, damn, that Asian chick's got really big tits. You know? That much. That much. Like a full D, for sure. But with a really small, petite frame.

Almost cartoonish, but natural. That's important. So natural. So it's almost like a bead of water dripping down the side of a glass if i'm going to be 100 honest it's it's very important to me that that the nipples do that thing where they turn up she's got like like they're so firm even though they're d's they're so firm that the nipple like does that tear up upside down teardrop thing where they're like

pointing up and they're kind of puffy and so she's gonna have to be like an 18 year old um what's the age of consent in japan hang on a second 11 what is it no way you can't i'm reading it's 13 but and i'm reading on i'm reading... It's 13, but... And I'm reading on. It's disgusting. However, all municipalities and

prefectures... That's a new word for me. Prefectures have their own particular laws, such as Tokyo's youth protection law, which prohibits adults from having sex with youths who are under 17 17 okay there you go i'm okay 17 so used to be 13 then all of those pre-fractures got it under control yeah so like a 17 year old giant titted um japanese girl on like her 17th birthday i guess

with like unnaturally large breasts would be like the ideal asian woman right uh woody back me up on this one asian black with big boobs that's i know you said you liked a black woman who was quote sturdy did i say that no you didn't am i convincing you that you said things now woody no don't don't don't let him off the hook that soon. I was going to have him believe that he was talking about how much work he could get done on the outdoors. I'm going to start treating you like there's relatives who take advantage of their elderly relatives. And they're like, Grandpa, remember you were going to give me that $100? And Woody's going to be like, eh, yeah, that's right. You're going to give me that hundred dollars and what he's gonna be like yeah yeah

you're like i am all right so did we find like a safe for work uh women of color source like pretty black girls that is subreddit on uh google image search and they're pretty much safe for work if you want i thought that we were doing a woman of color. That's not just black women. I'm almost positive, right? I think generally speaking you're going to see mostly African black women. I don't like the

term African American because what if they're from South Africa and they're visiting? Or if they're from the Dominican Republic or from Haiti or from anywhere. It's the parallel of white. It's the exact equal of white to me. I feel like you want to take away. Shit, we should call Indians red and we should call Asians yellow

because all of these are fair and even and somehow less racist to me. I don't see that one. I don't see that red at all, really. No, they should be called mocha or something. But anyway, if we just assigned colors to all the races, then I feel like that somehow works and it's equal and non-racist. Whereas if you're like, oh, you know, I don't like being called black. But no, black is so fair and even and clean.

It's just a color. If you prefer brown, because you're really not very black, you're much more brown, then I'll do it. Honestly, for me, it's an issue of syllables. Black. Classy women of color. In third grade, one clap, black. African American.

Too many syllables. You're literally being called. Should I be called pink? I'm looking at my image over there. Am I a pink person? No. White people aren't pink. Most of us look a little pasty. That's not a color. That's not fair.

It's pretty pasty. We're on the classy women of color subreddit. Let's change the listing. Let's go by i don't know if this i almost showed it oh it was a nudity work though no but i got scared before i saw it so i'm i'm putting my settings to top in the past year does everybody know how to do that i'm sure yeah yes because i think then you get you know the top women from the past year well okay yeah i'm putting the pieces together for why we would sort top women from the past year. Ah, okay.

I'm putting the pieces together for why we would sort for top for the past year. Yeah, yeah, a better selection of ladies. And also we want to relegate our choices to the best ones of the top year. None of these seem not safe for work. You followed along nicely. I'm going to go to the... Shit, there is...

I need more than one big screen layout, really. Well, all these women are very beautiful. Well, that one's not so much. Serena Williams is a tank. Yeah. This kind of works. She'd do well at that fake fighting convention you got invited to. I'm...

I should have started adding on to it more and more until it got so ridiculous that he was like, Obama's gonna be there? He rolls? He's not gonna let you pick the Supreme Court Justice, Kyle? Holy shit! Who are you gonna pick?

Pick the moderate! Look at number four. Holy shit! Who are you gonna pick? Pick the moderate! Pick the moderate! Pick the moderate! I don't even know what you're talking about anymore. I said, pick a moderate! I'm on the top list. I'm looking at number one, Nathaniel. Natalie Emanuel. I think you're on a different Reddit than us.

Son of a bitch. The classy women of color. No, you said Nathaniel. Oh, I see. Natalie? Nathaniel. I can't tears about it. Pick a word. Well, he'd want to make sure you made the right decision.

I'm going to go with... I don't know. Fucking hilarious. I'm just looking at which ones are aesthetically pleasing. Let's talk about the ones who are displeasing to us and why we feel that way. Now, when I scroll on down to... I can't pronounce this.

I think her name is Raquel Eights. She's number seven. I'm there. She's hard to show. Like, perfections. Snake snake eyes she's wearing a bikini you can see the tops of the bikini she um her eyes are so far apart she looks like hey arnold um obviously gorgeous but that doesn't bother me one fucking bit um no one's sneaking up on her. Dude, the previous one's number four.

Number four. I don't know. I saw that. I know you love that big wide jawline. I find her attractive too, but her nose you can't see it from the front, but let me tell you what noses like that do. They go almost non-existent in the middle. The bridge of her nose is flawed.

She's got an enormous forehead there. Discount that fuzzy area of hair and move it on back to where it actually is. And now imagine what she looks like. Look at her enormous ear lobes. Like she had to get some kind of fancy like custom made earring. Let me lay this out. You've got a flawed nose, a strong jawbone, and a large forehead. This is Black Woody. Black Woody. Black Woody. She's even flat-chested. Perfect. You've got some serious collarbones, too. Yeah.

A little pasty right now. I didn't say that. Megan Good. Let's go down to Megan Good because I find her to be unattractive and displeasing does she have her displeasing to the eye does she have her yes first of all she has herpes in this picture wait her eyebrows she has uh number eight megan good number eight she has drawn on eyebrows that that look kind of like ghetto to me for lack of a better word

um her hair looks very fake like that is not her hair and it's obvious that it's not and her jewelry is really tacky i i feel like and just just everything about her is just not not a good look i don't like it here's the thing as well i don't like her her bone structure is great she has strong cheekbones she has a pretty. It doesn't have the flaw that Kyle pointed out in the other one. Permanent bitch face. Maybe. I feel like what's wrong with her is her sense of style and not her genetics. If she had a smile on and a better stylist, she could be really pretty.

This is a really heavy woman. She looks like the kind of person who would complain that she asked for her Coke with no ice and they brought it and it had like three ice cubes in it and she threw a big shit fit. Or that she ordered her steak medium rare and it came out like a little too rare. I don't know.

That eyebrow look and those painted on eyebrows looks like she would not be happy with anything a server brought her. That's just my first thought is that she'd be unpleasant in a restaurant. Black Woody again! Now, Rosario Dawson is number 21. Just FYI, I guess. Really like Rosario Dawson. And again, if you're out there listening,

and you have not yet Googled Rosario Dawson full frontal and watched that high-definition GIF, then you're really missing out. Just perfection. How old is she? She's probably 40 now. Yeah, yeah, I can see that. Number 12 is really pretty. I'm not personally into the tag. Number 12, Fel can see that. Number 12 is really pretty. I'm not personally into the tag.

Number 12, Felicia Latour. You know what? I would say Woody's favorite might be number 20 because she looks like she has an Adam's apple and that she could really throw a discus. She looks like a power lifter, right? Like she does field and track. Yeah.

Oh, man, today was track day it's killing me what bruce jenner thought he was gonna look like oh i like her not like i we know you're right as gay as i am right it when i see her i assign a lot of attributes about her just from the still shot that make me think i would enjoy her time about her, just from the still shot, that make me think I would enjoy her time. I don't know how you are doing this palm reading.

You know what? When I see this person, they're wearing green earrings, and what that tells me is that there wasn't a professional photographer there that instructed she wear green. It was that she was having a happy day. She saw the day, she was smiling. This is a non-scripted pose. This is a man who needs the movie to absolutely spell out like what's going on and be blatant about it but if you look

at a picture of a woman you're like look how she flipped her hair a little she you should ask conor mcgregor if he has that same car free i will i'm gonna ask him when we get to oregon to the the retreat am i still invited yeah oh you're i should have invited taylor i should oh that would have been the coup de grace he wants taylor to come oh he was watching the podcast and man he thinks it's great that one dude always wearing the blue stuff is great the other guy the old guy don't bring him yeah i should have done a little research and found out who like the captain the blues is and like and like he's gonna be there too and like gretzky's there too they're all big hockey fans and gretzky likes to come and you know he we've actually got an indoor rink we're gonna hit a few pucks you ever get on the ice no never never but you know like i'll do it

in sneakers that's cool meanwhile would he like has ice skates at his house? I would wager. Oh yeah, they're sharp. You've got a stick handy? Like if you needed, if there were a rink downstairs, could you mostly suit up and go play? Yeah, I've got like 15 sticks. I've got all my stuff. I have more sticks from next to me. I was gonna say more sticks than guns. I think that might be a tall order, but I have. I've got all my stuff. I have more sticks from next to me. I was going to say I have more sticks than guns. I think that might be a tall order. But I have – I've got a dozen sticks 15 feet from me. I've got an Allen McKinnis stick I could take some shots with.

If I want to ruin the value. The more I exaggerated with that, the meaner I felt and the worse I felt about myself. Because I felt like, you know, in the same way that afterwards you were still kind of let down, I was building it myself up to – I'm convincing myself in my own acting technique that I actually am going to do these things. I'm believing it myself. So afterwards I was like, man, that retreat is going to be fun.

Oh, shit. Oh, no. I made that shit up. That's why you were taking so long to come back from getting your sodas. I can picture you in the bathroom jogging in place like, alright, how now, brown cow? How now, brown cow? How now, brown cow?

Get back in and just spin your web of lies. I like to do that sometimes. The way Woody's looking, it actually makes me feel bad because I can see that you get really upset. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I can see it too. That's why I brought it back up. I apologize. It's okay. It was a joke. It was a mean joke now. I do this to my girlfriend.

My girlfriend, she's like, you've got to stop that. You've got to stop that you've got to stop it because sometimes you forget to come back and be like just kidding and so i go like three days thinking that you actually think one of my legs is shorter than the other or that you actually think that my my eyes are uh are crooked or something because i'll like fuck with her sometimes and do real mean and angry shit just to get her goat, as I say. I told Chiz the other day I like to terrify her. I feel like it's good for you to be frightened. I feel like it's good for your system.

I don't know why I think that, but I just feel like getting that adrenal gland to actually do something occasionally is good for your body's chemistry and makes you keep that heart stress. Fuck you. we're in our mid-20s and we're healthy people no that's true i saw it on the side of a box of cheerios heart healthy i'm not in my mid-20s she's in her mid-20s and she's a healthy person so what i like to do is any opportunity i get is to terrify her so she'll oftentimes fall asleep in bed kind of sitting up because i stay up late and watch netflix and when i see that i'll just scream at

her like in her ear like this and she'll wake up like what the fuck what the fuck like all the time but that's not enough right because that's out of your sleep and and it's not as scary of a reaction because going going from asleep to afraid isn't as violent as going from walking and knowing that everything's safe and being afraid, if you can imagine all that. So what I like to do is I hide in a closet or hide in a doorway, and I wait for her to walk by. And I've come up with a noise that I feel like really horrifies people because it's kind of a noise that human beings don't normally make. So I hide in the darkness. And just when she's by the doorway, I come at her and like hands in her face,

like lurching at her and arms flailing, I go and she has lost her shit like three times. Like she borderline cries, falls on her ass and is like trying to get away. So we like to keep it light around here. God, that sounds like you are so stressful it'd be like living in the jackass house where you're like going to take a shit and you just end up with six thumbtacks in your ass i did something i did something similar to that where it's like

kind of not punking but like fucking with people um i used to drive carpool in high school for a while and i picked up a few people in my neighborhood uh one was a girl a little younger than me a couple kids younger in the back all middle school age except for me and the older girl for the most part uh drove them all to school picked them all up on the way back and they would always start unbuckling their fucking seat belts before i got to their house because i had like three houses to stop at and i would always yell at them be like just keep your fucking seat belts buckled not because i gave a shit about their safety but because they start like rummaging and doing all their shit and it just pissed me off and stressed me out and i was like can we just get you out of here so i can fucking go home and so i would always do seatbelt tests and i was in

my jeep grand cherokee and i would be going like 35 in the the neighborhood and then just right before we were going to get to their house because they were anticipating me slowing down slowly and easing up i'd just go just slam on the brakes and they would surge forward if they kept their seatbelts on like i would instruct every day they would go and then they'd fall back like god taylor you fucking asshole i'd be like keep your seatbelt on and one of the kids one day i started to do it hard like the hardest ever i got up to like 40 it became like a game because my brother was in the back and he thought it was funny i just slam on my brakes and one day the kid in the back that i wasn't related to unbuckles way too early i didn't

know taking him to his house he's in the middle the two seats in front of him were on the side so i slam on the brakes so fucking hard he flies up hits my dashboard crumples like with his head up on like the dash and like his body down like where the shifter is and i'm just like oh shit shit shit because his mom's bringing snacks out to him because I'm the carpool. I'm like, get in the back of the seat. Get in the back of the car. Don't you fucking tell him about this. Don't you fucking tell him that I've been doing

seatbelt testing this whole fucking time. Don't you tell him about that. If they pay me to drive you to school, you're not going to tell them about that. He's like, all right, Taylor, it's fine. And I stopped doing it that way. Yeah, he almost really hurt himself. No, no, no, he didn't. No, he didn't, you asshole. he almost really hurt himself. He was like dazed for a second. No, he didn't. No, he didn't, you asshole. You almost really hurt him.

That's what happened. Look at how your brain made it right. And you didn't even notice. No, he, you know, he should have stayed buckled up. Uh-huh. I'm doling out life lessons over here. Yeah, I was going to say. Good reference.

Good reference. It seems like going forward, he'd wear a seatbelt. He may have saved his life. Guarantee it. Well, with you at least, because he knows you're a bad driver now. No. Those were all intentional stops. They were intentionally bad.

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risk-free and free shipping all around... Excuse me. What does that say? The world. It doesn't say the world. It says all around. No, I made that up. Yeah, all around. I thought it was going to say all around the world. It says risk-free shipping and free shipping all around.

Visit warbyparker.com to begin your free home trial experience today. Free shipping all around might mean shipping free to you and then free on the way back. I think it means if you buy a round at a bar where it's all around. Anything you buy,

you'll get free shipping. Maybe. Probably. Probably. Check them out. I'm actually going to use Warby Parker because I have one pair of glasses, and if history repeats itself as it has with my previous 10, 12 pairs of glasses, I'm going to lose these or break them.

And so I need to have a spare because I read a bunch of research about my eyes getting itchy when I was sleeping in my contacts, and it scared the fucking shit out of me. Like a couple testimonials that could just be someone from Big Eyeglasses making stories up. Just saying, yeah, it's huge sloppy. A lot of foresight.

I don't know. I just need glasses. So it's a good service. I think I'm going to do it too. Is there a discount for PKA? One thing to keep in mind though is that for every pair of glasses sold, Warby Parker distributes a pair of glasses to someone in need. So it's kind of a charity thing they do there. Wow.

So don't buy too many. Don't want to give them not an incentive to work anymore. A little bit of help, not too much. Offer the carrot, pull it back. Incentivize. I bought glasses recently recently but they're reading glasses and i like them so much like i guess what i like is having uh functional vision and i've i've like i'm so spoiled by it i'm like i want glasses for driving and stuff like that

like i think it'd be nice if i could see all the time so i'm gonna give that a go i used a pair of reading glasses once and because i didn't know that it just i thought it just kind of helped everyone read a little bit and so i just borrowed my grandpa's when i wanted to take my contacts out and still read something and that for me reading glasses it's like it's exactly the same as kyle wearing his ghostbusters outfit in a serious attempt to prevent death by combustion. You know, it's not going to do shit like those glasses for me. It just everything's still wonky, awful, no protection. Yeah, it just protects you. I just want to be clear that Ghostbusters suit would protect me in some regard from from flames.

These I call them reading glasses because they're for reading yeah i don't think that's a it's not uh but they're actually it is a viable flame retarded option anyway no it's not i uh yeah i like the way you look in those glasses you should get some more i'm just sitting here your eyes are perfect oh my god everything is so much better get some like uh douchebag glasses. Oh, I like them. I look good with glasses on. They frame my face really well.

Yeah, they look good. I've considered getting some, but it just seems so pretentious. Who would I wear them in front of? I wouldn't want to wear them in front of anyone who already knew me. And that's a bit difficult. That's most of the people you're going to be in front of. That's most of the people you're going to be in front of. That's most of the people I'm going to be in front of. Like I'm not – it's not like I'm going out and meeting new people every day and hanging out with them.

So it's like what am I wearing these things at home? Like I'm Clark Kent looking at myself in the mirror like, yeah, you're a piece of shit. So I don't know. Maybe I could lie and tell people my eyes are getting bad. But I've already said it out loud now. I'm sitting here looking at all the things I've been looking at all night. And it's like, oh, yeah. Like the little avatar for like an icon for a Chrome plug-in is different to me now.

That I have like this status page for WoodyCraft. And I'm like, I don't know. It's just not blurry anymore. It's a whole different look about all this stuff. I them when i code mostly it's so much better when you've been like struggling i might before my eyes were too bad and i could like function without them like you're just squinting and then like you put it on and it's like you met the lord for the first time you're like oh jesus like everything's so crisp and clear and there's a real line in that p it's not just a big jumbled mess of shit um yeah you should try i can yeah it sucked i can read without id just the other day i was uh i took my contacts out because i

was paranoid and i was like all right i'll just take my contacts out go to bed or i'll take my contacts out put my glasses on keep doing what i was doing that night i took my contacts out didn't find my glasses because i didn't look for them before'd take my contacts out, put my glasses on, keep doing what I was doing that night. I took my contacts out, didn't find my glasses because I didn't look for them before I took my contacts out. So I was just bumbling around my apartment for like 20 minutes trying to fucking find it. And eventually I just, I couldn't find my fucking glasses. So I just gave up and went to bed. Just gave up on the rest of the night.

Like, I'm not going to find them. Why bother? Is your vision bad just that it makes it hard to find things? If I don't have my contacts or glasses in, it makes it very – if I wanted to find something, if this was the top of the table and I didn't have this in, I'd have to like – if it was a small item, I'd have to like get up like that just to make sure that it wasn't there.

But you can find glasses, right? It's not like you're so blind that you can't see a pair of glasses on a table. No, I could – if I was like – if it was on a coffee table and I was standing up and I was looking down, I couldn't see them. But if I was closer, I could see them. That's funny. So like it would just look like a big mass of – If you don't know where you left them, it's like checkmate. That was the problem.

I just – I had like an hour. I was like I'm going to play some Age of Mythology. I'm going to goof around on Twitter or Reddit or something. And then it was like, well, no, you can't find your glasses. It looks like you're going to bed, idiot. And so that's what I did. I just went to bed. Do you need a wife at this point?

Like, you're toast if you're alone. You're like, well, there's no way. Mom, I booked a flight. Yeah. Wow. Yep. Life alert. What are you talking about chas line above the people the glasses people will be the first to go in the zombie apocalypse oh no the glasses the pure context people will be the first to go in the apocalypse i don't have any fuck it's over yeah i'll be good to go for a

little one yeah i think you know a pair of glasses is more hardy than you might imagine. You know, a little tape and what's going to happen? Like, how rough is life that you're breaking your glasses regularly enough that they just disintegrate? You could lose them, though. Yeah. I wear my sunglasses constantly, all day, every day. I don't leave home without them, and I've dropped them once. It happens once. They're expensive.

They're not nearly as expensive as your glasses. Mine are $225 or something. But I'm very careful with them. I don't want to drop them. I don't want to lose them because I can't exist outside without them. It hurts my eyes. My sunglasses are in the same class. I think they're $240 or $225,

something like that. But these were 900. So that's... 900. Yeah. He's got a few things going on there. There's some prisms in there. There's like progressive prism, all the things. Anti-glare, although I still see like the reflection.

But I know I paid for that shit. I guess it's on there. You need to go back and make sure god damn it for $900 you got the anti-glare is it the thing that they because I took that feature as well at Costco where I got these

where they glaze this bottom part and they're like oh it'll really streamline your look that half inch of glass you have to look through to function in society it'll really make you look sleek and it does not. I like yours a lot, Taylor. These are supposed to not be reflective.

And because I spend time on camera, it's important to me that my glasses aren't reflective. And they seem to be anyway, so what the fuck. They are reflective. I like them, though. I feel like they fit your face really well. You got the right frames. I might not be able to get laser surgery, Chiz. My eye doctor said that my cornea might be too thin or something.

So that was a big disappointment. My mother had that LASIK surgery twice, and it was ineffectual both times. She still has very, very poor vision. My friend had the LASIK surgery, and he had an amazing experience. So he needed glasses just to function, right? I don't know what he had an amazing experience so he needed glasses uh just to function right i don't know how what he had compared to taylor but i know that he was just as uh incapable of existing

without his glasses as taylor was and this he went to like the top doctor in new york city right this is new york city is expensive this guy and this was like the late 90s charged eight thousand dollars to do the lasik surgery and he scheduled the appointments on the eighth of an hour right so like every seven and a half minutes he had another appointment he made eight thousand dollars in revenue anyway every seven and a half minutes and he had just people set up like an assembly line like the nurses would get you going they put like clamps like um uh what is that clockwork orange clamps on your like eyelids and stuff and and then he comes in sort of confirms everything like it's supposed to be and then does it and he says it felt like there was sandpaper a little gritty painish type thing

in his eyes for about 24 hours and then suddenly he didn't need glasses but i couldn't get past the eight grand every seven and a half minutes i've never met anyone who scheduled anything on the eighth hour that is crazy yeah like that's out fucking standing what a great you know because i wonder if i would I'd like to ask him, did you start out... I've only seen it once and I didn't care for it. Even though I love the director. I love all

of Kubrick's movies, but I just didn't care for that one. It's a little harsh. It's just too violent. It's a real kind of violence. I liked it until they started curing him. The violence. Somehow that these guys are so evil. it's a real kind of violence like the violence somehow that these guys are so

evil but it's ultra time for a little good old ultra violence I'm saying it terrible but like this whole concept of ultra violence like if I were to go off the rails and hurt people I think there'd be a little part of me that still felt some level, like, tinge of sympathy for the victims.

These guys were just unnecessarily mean. They're sadistic. They enjoy inflicting pain. Yeah. Yeah, they're horrible. Like, I don't know, guys on the ground ground already in pain and he's hitting him with a cane like he's golfing in the face and just like enjoying it you know like like he likes it more than a golfer it's it's as he's singing it's the whole i'm singing in the rain scene where there's

a break into the house and he's a Alex starts singing the I'm singing in the rain or whatever and as he's raping this woman and beating her husband literally into paralysis and they just leave like it's the worst people and they're dressed up like the juxtaposition between like the sort of

happy singing in the rain you know like how joyous he is to what he's doing is like, Oh my God, this is, it's, um, it's disturbing,

but you know, Hollywood magic, it's, it is what it is. Stanley Kubrick is amazing. I love all of his movies. Um, uh,

full metal jacket of course is just wonderful, but, um, I'm trying to think that's one of my least favorite of his I did not like Full Metal Jacket half as much as everybody else it's two movies

you gotta think of it as two and I like the first movie better than the second movie I liked them both I guess when they're at the military camp Doctor Strange Love is my favorite. Doctor Strange Love is probably my favorite right now, but The Shining is one of my favorite movies of all time.

I think 2001 A Space Odyssey is so far ahead of its time. I think it's made in like, I'm going to be wrong about this, but I'm going to say like... Late 60s, right? 73? Late 68. Jesus. And look at the special effects. They're incredible.

Really amazing stuff for 68. That's so... I wasn't born in 68, believe it or not. I saw all of these so young, I don't think I appreciated them. 2001 Space Odyssey with Hal and everything. Do I

have that right? Am I thinking of the right movie? H-A-L. I guess I liked it when I was a kid, but looking back, I don't know. Maybe I'd appreciate it more if I saw it as an adult. Yeah. So you were born in 73, right? I was. Okay.

That 45 minutes of no... Chiz just pointed out that at the beginning of 2001, A Space Odyssey, there's 45 minutes with no dialogue. That's my favorite part of the movie. It's showing the dawn of man so that they don't speak English. That went too long. That went too long.

And if that movie were made now, people would critique it rightly so. But because it's Stanley Kubrick back then, and he was breaking new ground, you kind of excuse it, as you should. But that whole the monkeys like woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo in the beginning, it's like 10 minutes into that

it's like, oh my god, like, I fucking get it. I fucking get what's going on. Can we move on? I will gain nothing through 41 minutes of this. Well, I like it. I guess it did go pretty long. It is 45 minutes. Maybe you could have trimmed 10 off. You guys just don't appreciate

great cinema like I do. People complain about Frodo walking 600 yards towards a mountain. Whenever I hear people like, they're walking and walking, I'm like, yeah. That's why I kept watching because they kept walking and that's all that mattered.

I was watching Jaws. I was watching Jaws and they're back on the boat. Let's get back on Jaws. Yeah, I was watching Jaws. And, oh, wouldn't you know it. Oh, they're back on the boat. Oh, let's get back on the boat. Why? Oh, this whole movie's on a boat. Yeah, they're fucking walking.

Get used to it. You know? Don't complain because the movie Miracle was filmed in an ice rink. It's nonsense. What's death sentence? Do you mean death wish? Death sentence is better revenge story than... It's a great Kevin Bacon movie, and he's...

All right, so Chiz wrote a Wings quote. Death Sentence is a better revenge story than The Revenant. It's a Kevin Bacon movie, and he's right. I don't know. It reads like Chiz agrees with Wings, but I think he's about to clarify. He may or may not agree with Wings. I think he does. I don't know the movie may not agree with wings. I think he does.

I don't know the movie Death Sentence, I don't think. Oh, yeah, he agrees. I don't like Kevin Bacon because I really hate Dennis Leary, and Dennis Leary reminds me of him. That's the only example of transitive hate of an actor that I can think of, is that I hate someone who looks like someone else so much that I can't watch anything with Kevin Bacon. really irrational point thank you it's really irrational that doesn't make any sense you gotta say that there'd be subrated thread after sub right

that's what i was thinking i was like woody couldn't say what you just said get away with that was outrageous what you just said yeah that's true you know the pka subreddit really finger on the pulse of kevin bacon's career to a high standard over there journalism at its highest level um what were we talking about before we got interrupted by wings i don't want to i don't want to talk about wings opinions about movies because i mean i just don't know death sentence i debated if i if i could we're talking about classes for a while oh we're talking about classes how you'd look Oh, we're talking about glasses. How you'd look like a dick if you got fake ones.

I don't think I'd look like a dick. I'd feel like a dick. I'd be a dick. I have a story to read. A story to read? I do. I found it on Reddit and it made me laugh.

I don't know. It was funny enough to me that I saved it for the show. Do you guys want to try something different? I'm up for anything. I'm currently 19. I'm female. I've always had issues getting to sleep and to this day I still haven't had it sorted out. So when I was 11 my dad took me to a sleep clinic to run some tests. I'm sorry to sleep clinic to have some tests run on me for a few weeks and hopefully get some answers.

Well at the clinic they gave me a black wristband and a little black device and told me I had to wear it on my wrist for the next two weeks. I really don't remember them even telling me about it and I was young and stupid, so I didn't guess or care what this bracelet did. So at this age, I was a pretty frequent masturbator. I know it's pretty young to start off, but I probably did it every second or third night just before I went to sleep. I continued this nighttime tradition as usual, even with this weird black... How old is she? She's 11, but she's 19 as she tells the story.

I continued this nighttime tradition as usual, even with this black thing on my wrist. Two weeks have gone by, and the wristband has sent back to the clinic, my appointment there, to discuss the sleeping patterns for the next few days. I arrive at the sleep clinic with my dad, and we're brought into a room with a large screen inside displaying a graph. And we sit down and the sleep pathologist points to the graph and says, this graph displays your sleeping patterns over the last two weeks. Pretty cool, huh? Well, we measured your heart rate to see when you entered each stage of sleep and went in for how long. So I'm looking at this graph. And for those of you putting two to two together by now, buckle in. I look at the heart rate fluctuations throughout the day and throughout the night.

And it is so obvious the spike in my heart rate around 9.30 p.m. or whenever the fuck I went to bed back then is so my orgasms on a fucking graph on a screen. And my dad and the sleep pathologist were looking at it like, hmm, how interesting. Yeah, wow. So in the awkward, cold, bright room, I'm sitting there and I can feel my face go red hot and I start sweating a bit. And the pathologist says, you know, at nighttime, before you go to sleep, do you ever hear strange

noises outside like rustling or even people? Do you get scared? And I stutter a little, I guess, yeah. He explains to me that he thinks I might be becoming alert at night fairly often because I get frightened by noises happening outside. And he points to my orgasms in graph form and explains that here I become alert. And he tells me in the future that I don't. Can you describe the animal?

Yeah, it sounds like schlick, schlick, schlick, schlick, schlick, schlick, schlick, schlick, schlick. It sounds like it's a small frog wading through a shallow pond. He tells me in the future I shouldn't worry about scary noises or things that I hear because I'm safe. So that was the most fucking awkward experience of my childhood. It is so clear in my head that I hope to God that my dad bought into the possibility that I was having orgasm-level heart spikes due to some fucking koala wrestling in a tree outside. Is that what he imagined? She's Australian? Oh, this is even better. The koala wrestling in a tree outside. Is that what he imagined? She's Australian? Oh, this is even better. The koala is the first time they mentioned

that. My heart rate was measured over two... Oh, too long, didn't read. Heart measured over two weeks of near daily orgasms displayed on a graph in front of my dad and a professional to point them out and discuss them as me possibly being frightened, which disturbed my sleep. She's having like world-shattering

orgasms. Just like, Oh, Oh, it's a squirrel. Oh no. Like the window like that, man, that is so embarrassing. I feel bad for, but I'm all, I feel like both of them knew something was up and that they gave that, Oh, must be animals outside your window. Excuse to kind of let her have an easy out.

Because adults know what you're doing. They, they knew. They knew. They knew. Especially with the time. They had the time plotted out. I think Dad knows. I suspect they knew. They gave her the out.

You afraid of squirrels or are you just flicking your bean for 6 to 12 minutes every third night, huh? You know. Which one? Hey, can we watch the thing Chiz just linked? I think it's really entertaining and it's from the movie that Wings mentioned. Is it on the Skype? Oh, I'm not in Skype.

I'll sign down. Yeah, let me help. Or maybe Chiz could. I got it done. Alright, so now this should be Shit, I'm trying to get this right The link goes to 125 I Guess that's where we're going from rid of this and add in

Why doesn't this work better? Alright, are we ready? Maybe? Yes. Yep. I'm at 125. And you got the King of Mayhem. Half cannon. Sword of justice.

Take this fucker to the Holy Land. Start your own crusade. Any one of these is bound to make you feel better about what's bothering you. I love John Goodman. What about that one? The acting in this scene is good. You're muted, Kyle. John Goodman is one of the strongest act one of the strongest sporting actors out there in my opinion he's incredible mm-hmm you know Brother Where Art Thou

it kills it I want to see this new movies I don't think this big Lebowski he's okay three fucking overfield you got three ground worth of kill to do Mr. Kloberfield. Well, that seems wasteful. You've got a thing about you. You have got a killing thing about you. You surely do. Yeah, we can probably stop there. Okay. I never did get the layout right,

but not everyone's moved and Kyle left. He clicked the wrong button, almost guaranteed. Oh, he did leave, didn't he? He just left the podcast. He'll be back. Did you close out of the video? Yes. Oh, I have to close out on my own.

Okay. All right. Man, Kyle's been having some shit luck. and also just some sheer negligence apparently just hanging up hanging up on the call all right did you accidentally hit the wrong button i was closing windows yeah a little fingers are faster than your mind i guess maybe just like me saying that sentence all right i hate to even bring it up but i was looking and I was like both of those guys were acting better than DiCaprio would have in that scene yeah

is there anyone that you think is a worse actor than DiCaprio sure there's tons of them right like Brendan Fraser in The Mummy much worse yeah because I don't know. Mummy won.

He's really selling it. The Rock is a worse actor than DiCaprio. Mark Wahlberg, I think, is not as good as DiCaprio. Like, DiCaprio is an average actor. I think Wahlberg is pretty good. I think he's pretty good, too. But, like, The Happeningrio It was stupid The happening

I just Kevin Bacon was better John Goodman was better in that than DiCaprio could have done I just I feel like I watch him And it's just fucking lame Lame is too strong If you brought up Daniel Day-Lewis

or something like that Philip Seymour Hoffman is fantastic yeah he's very very good but not anymore not anymore yeah now he plays a corpse well I haven't seen him do anything lately I just think he could pull off a corpse

he's been sober for a while it's been sober for reddit does that every every time at the anniversary of his death comes around they're like great job Philip Seymour Hoffman four years sober and it's laugh a laugh every year. It works twice this year. It works with everyone. I've seen it before. Amy Winehouse. That's the one I've seen it for. Oh, Whitney Houston.

Yeah. I remember Guns for Hire took Amy Winehouse's death really hard. And it wasn't a joke. He was... I guess every so often like have you guys ever connected to a celebrity death uh yeah which one um just says carlin i'm trying not to think of i'm trying to think of the one that impacted me most if you have one on

the top of your head kyle you can go um i think christopher hitchens that really sucked i really liked watching him his debates and reading his articles and when he died that that was shitty i'll be seven yeah i'll be seven clint eastwood dies kind of like not like as much as christopher hitchens i don't think um Who else? Christopher Walken. When he dies. Most of the actors who have passed away. So here's when I regret an actor's death. It's the most selfish of reasons. It's when

I can't get any more content out of them, or when there was gonna be some content. Like, oh shit, he was gonna play Doctor Doom. He was perfect for that. cumberbatch died or batch died you know that's what i that's what i would really be sad about it wouldn't be that we lost fucking sherlock because i don't give a shit about that show it wouldn't be because we lost benjamin because i don't really a couple here when heath ledger died um i had kind of just

discovered him like i didn't see brokeback mountain when it was like hot i have seen it like on dvd or something but i was late you know to the brokeback mountain thing and i watched him because he did so well in the joker i wanted to see another thing from him and then he died killed himself i guess right and uh it was like oh man he was, was it O.D.? Yeah. I thought it was intentional. My mistake. But I just wanted more Heath Ledger stuff. And it's like, well, shit. No more Heath Ledger stuff ever. Philip Seymour Hoffman.

That's one of the things, like your DiCaprio point, I will take with Heath Ledger in that his acting file, I guess, dossier, whatever, is so bolstered by his appearance as the Joker that all of his other roles get pushed aside. And it's not until you go watch most of his other movies, like A Knight's Tale. I like A Knight's Tale. That's great.

He's not good in it. The Joker is the one role that he was really good. Go watch... He was really good in Brokeback. Have you seen it? It is not a good movie, Chiz. chiz if go back it's just like watching the goonies at the time you're like man this is the shit and then you go back and you're like what the fuck was i thinking i've seen it recently i like it i like how like they're like it's medieval but they're they're they're singing queen songs i like that i like that i love it i like when they dance and all of a sudden it becomes some sort of

modern dance. I really enjoy all of that. I can't. Anytime a movie, someone goes back in time and they show some wench how to pop and lock it and she's still getting it and they're all dancing around. There's a boiled duck and they're eating

the shepherd's pie. It's just old timey but they're getting along and having fun. And, oh, what's this technology? It's so crazy. I can't handle it. That wasn't the case here, though. It enrages me because, you know, what would really be happening is he would start the first step of popping and locking, and he would be on fire, strapped to a stake before he could blink.

Witch! Yeah. Witch! Yeah, she's dead. I think that was a real issue back then. Our friend Saudi Arabia, they still have a federal bureau of witchcraft and wizardry detection. I think you're lying this time. This time I detected it. All right.

All right. So now, here's the thing. Hands up. Hands up. Come on. Hands up. Come on. Hit your hands up.

Let's see them. I don't want you to fact check this money. It's not fair if you fact check me. So do you want to put money on whether they have a witchcraft and wizardry detection bureau that fucking detects those motherfuckers? No, I don't. And

on top of it, they put a few to death every year. At least one or two. Well, Chiz has spoiled the bet. We can go ahead. Yes, it is a thing. It is true and all those things I just said are accurate no except for the fact that there is not a bureau of witchcraft and wizardry it's just the religious police

I'm pretty fucking sure that's what they call it Chiz would you look up it's not the warlock watch it's witchcraft though it's a little different what was I gonna say you're a witchcraft I lost my train of thought

yeah that's scary that there are places in the world where that could still be the thing that does you in is that someone gets a hair up their ass and they're like you know what god damn that guy shows up to work four days in a row and the boss doesn't even notice some sort of wizardry a spell of you know illusion to keep them from noticing and then and then suddenly he's a he's a wizard and dead actors that we wish didn't

die for selfish reasons i said philip seymour hoffman we didn't talk about him much but i didn't really he never well he maybe did at some point but i didn't see him lead many movies like he wasn't a leading man if i because he wasn't that handsome no he he led a couple yeah oh the the uh the one with joaquin phoenix um it's the the master the master that's good they shot that in some kind of uh wide film or something i don't know it might have been 70 millimeter it's amazing it's very good he's like a cult leader. Choose your own Mission Impossible 3. I have a hard time saying he was the lead in that Tom Cruise movie.

No, he's the villain. That's also not that great of a movie. You know what I did? I don't know if I've discussed it before, but I watched the final Mockingjay movie, and they had to CGI much of Philip Seymour Hoffman in that movie, and they did a fairly good job at it. It was pretty good.

You know what they should do? They should just pick some other fat, bearded guy. There's just one scene, he's there, and it's really dramatic, and he leaves. Then the next one, Seth Rogen comes in, he's like, oh, you ready to fight? Oh! Smoking pot.

Just like, Seth Rogen. Yeah. Oh, dude. You know, the 420th District. And then just... Oh! It's so obnoxious.

I like Seth Rogen. I really do. It's addicting, though. Yeah. I like Seth Rogen and his movies. All those guys that came from... What was that show they were all on? We were talking about it last night, Chiz.

It's not the whitest kid you know. Freaks and Geeks. Freaks and Geeks. Freaks and Ge movies. All those guys that came from what was that show they were all on? We were talking about it last night, Chiz. It's not the whitest kid you know. Freaks and Geeks. It was a good show. It got canceled so soon. First season. One season in, it got canceled. I watched that. I was telling Chiz, I watched that when it was coming out. It was on the airwaves, if you will.

I liked it. I couldn't believe it got canceled. I liked it a lot, too. I was bummed that it got canceled i don't know why they have low ratings what a temp what yeah but but what a talented cast they had if they only knew what they had on their hands there the guy with the big teeth who's tall and skinny who's the younger kid's friend he's uh the bearded guy in silicon valley now. I don't watch that. Oh, dude, you would love that show. Silicon Valley is one of the funniest shows on TV right now. And you guys have to watch.

Dude, what's it like? Like, what's it similar to? God, it's so. Do people die in it? It's a comedy. People don't die. Is there sex? No, and I hear you you these things would be a negative

it's an hbo show all right is there cursing yes there's a lot of cursing there's plenty of cursing they're here it is it's a bunch of uh guys they live together in this like incubator it's a thing that happens in silicon valley they they all work on their startups one guy sort of gets a home run and he hires all the other people around them and they are trying to take this um startup idea company and get it funded and like make it big and there's all sorts of complications along the way the thing is it's done in an hbo way like if this were a cbs show it would suck for example let me lay out a scene. There's one programmer who works better on Adderall. But, you know, he's kind of a sissy or whatever.

And he tries to get Adderall, like, buy it from some local kids on the street because they have a prescription and they're, like, 12 years old. And the 12-year-olds are, like, pushing back, not having it, whatever. So then a bigger guy comes and he's, like, fucking up the 12-year-olds. But he's not giving them that, that like 12-year-old respect. He's like, you know, he's currently like, you know, bitch, you're going to give me that Adderall. I will fuck you up. You know, but to a kid, they're on bikes. That sounds fun.

It is fun. Yeah. I'll check that out. Chiz was saying, is it like that workaholic show that shows stupid... Have you ever watched workaholics? You know, I've watched three or four episodes and I couldn't really get into it. Something about it, I didn't care for it.

That's one of the most hit or miss comedies that I watch is every episode. I can't get into the league. That's all miss for me. Workaholics is too repetitive for me. Like, i get it they're slackers and they don't work very hard and you're gonna make five seasons out of that i don't get it yeah but uh silicon valley is good i'm looking forward to it usually runs

immediately after game of thrones like they um they gave it the game of thrones push you know because it comes up it's the next one that's how i found out about it i just kept going and Game of Thrones. They gave it the Game of Thrones push. Cool. That's how I found out about it. I just kept going. Lots of entertainment coming around the corner. For me, it's Daredevil. I've been watching a show. I've been watching Girls. It's an older HBO special.

It sucks. It's awful. Girls is good. Dude. I think the acting is pretty good and it's awful. No. Girls is good. Dude. I think the acting's pretty good, and it's really sexy. The acting is good. Is your girlfriend in the room? My girlfriend?

No, I think he's being serious. It seems like one of those shows that she would rope you into. No, I'm not going to watch that show. I also like Sex and the City. No. I like Sex and the City more than Girls. The problem with Girls is they are so beta in this show. They're constantly looking for a male to be their lead.

It's not a story about them as much as it is a story about a remora. You know what a remora is? The thing that has that head designed to suck onto a shark and get pulled around? All these girls are remoras in life. And I pulled around. All these girls are remoras in life. And I'm not saying that all women are remoras in life, but these girls are. And they're just like bouncing from guy to guy, trying to find one that will give them the direction that they're looking for.

None of them has like any fucking, I'm too seasoned. That doesn't sound compelling. Career to speak of. And it seems like all their happiness and career and finances and like living situation seems somehow dependent on what guy they can latch on to and it's just so fucking horrible like that it's it's a show about cucks really like like beta people and that's my no it's a show about women who are probably finding a way

around working right so they they get in a relationship and then is that what it is no no because they're like they're women who chose majors that aren't employable right sounds like they're cool you know like this one graduated college but she can't find any job other than hostess because she's pretty and uh this one's a writer but you know she can't get any decent writing gigs because she hasn't found her voice or whatever and uh another one is kind of intentionally hippie like she's not looking for a career and yeah and just all of them are like unsuccessful remorse, just looking for a proper shark. And I – God, Hillary Clinton likes that show she just wrote? I don't know.

Yeah, she really does, huh? I just – I can't – maybe that's what she did. Maybe Hillary is like the freaking best remora ever and she latched on to Bill Clinton. She is the best remora ever and she latched on to bill clinton she is road the best president of the united states yeah i am yeah i don't know watch girls let me know what you think um it's an awful show you'll have wasted your time but they're not gonna watch it oh i don't get the the huge selling point if one of the girls is like the most prominent like if it seems like it's about four people who are almost equal stars but one of them seems more

equal than the other the writer one she's fat and ugly and no one seems to mention it like she dates these handsome guys uh she always seems to be like getting sex and finding men easily and stuff like that and i'm like can't everyone tell she's she's fat and ugly like both that's believable that's more seeing a fat ugly girl i know she looks like but based on what you're saying seeing a fat ugly girl get with a decently look good looking guy on the hookup is not nearly as unbelievable as that dumb fuck Ted in that god awful series bumbling about being a blithering idiot and still fucking eights, nines, and tens every episode. Like, that's way more unrealistic than girls and some girl banging a hot dude.

Look, the show that I like... Don't show the audience that okay like being triple whoa I almost showed it what oh my god that keeps it opened in this browser window I think it did I think I need to drag it to be more safe okay lesson learned lesson learned that doesn't happen with Skype. I'm not going to click it because I'm afraid it's going to open it up for everyone. I don't think I've seen...

Yeah, this is... Bullshit link. So that's Brian Williams' daughter having her ass eaten on the girls. That was a fun scene. Brian Williams, the TV guy? Yeah. That's his daughter. eating on the girls that's that's that was a fun scene brian williams the uh tv guy that yeah yeah that's his daughter is he still like disgraced i don't know i don't watch television i don't

either i haven't watched a single political debate i watched the uh youtube videos of them and stuff and of course i went to one. Not the debate, the rally. I think you hear the same thing out of Trump, no matter where he is, though. Yeah, his talking points. So it's probably similar, but he apparently uses more of a bullet point format. And every time it's a little different. Whereas most politicians, literally just rereading from the teleprompter word for word. Very different.

Yeah. I mean I know the speech I heard in Hickory was different in many ways from anything I'd heard before. But it's bullet points. Right. Yeah. And it was a good tale to that audience. He focused more on

I thought that was clever. If you guys haven't seen the PKN, there were protesters, and as they're getting out, he's like, don't hurt them, don't hurt them. And it's like, that's smart, because the whole I'll pay the dickheads legal fees, that's not working for you.

Don't do that. Yeah, he literally, he's like, oh, don't hurt them, don't hurt them. And then he goes into it, he's like oh don't hurt him don't hurt him he's like and then he goes into he goes into he's like they say we've got violence here violence they talk about it's a big love fest here we love each other in the crowds all like yeah we do love each other except those motherfuckers they just drug out yeah pretty much yeah yeah we don't have violence in our heart for people that agree with me completely. Well, that's – If they had had violence in their heart for those guys,

they'd have caught a little bit of it because the one guy – I'm not going to spoil it. You should watch PKM. Very funny. Or don't. Watch it next week. Video and the fun. Wow.

He really is St. Louis blued out. He's got it on the wall. He's got it on his couch there like he's got it on the wall he's got it on his couch there he's got it on the shirt he's wearing there's some kind of a poster thing back over there though like i don't even know how to describe it like a box set of like dvds about the blues or something i don't know what that is are you seeing something i don't top shelf like is that not the same emblem as what's that blues training tapes he said oh yeah he's got a lot of gear over there i'm not a fan of anything like that i i'm not a fan of really anything that much that i have that much of their memorabilia or you know collectible shit yeah i don't buy it but i like it like um you know i don't know i think it'd be neat to have a pair of ufc gloves signed by a fighter or something maybe joe will do it for me

it feels awkward but i think that'd be cool um when i when i get up there maybe i can take a pair for you and just get all those champions to sign it and what if what if i just kept selling this and to the point where I took your gloves and I'm like Conor McGregor, like Jose Aldo. I just had this thing covered with great signatures that you'd love and just really sold it for months. I couldn't have done that.

I couldn't have done that. I was feeling guilty already like two minutes into it. I believed you hook, line, and sinker. It's terrible. I really need a better bullshit filter. I'm a pretty good bullshitter, I guess. I think of it as like, you know, kind of like painting a picture. I'm just imagining, and what would be cool if it happened then?

Oh, yeah. If there were lots of champions there and the Green Berets. But it all comes out in the end yeah like i don't know when you people tell fibs and stuff like i buy it on the on the spot and then later then the puzzle pieces don't fit together i process it all yeah when you didn't see me you know hanging out with those all those fighter uh champions in Oregon, you'd know. Right. I want to play some video games. When can we play some video games again? We don't have to record it, but I want to play some games.

I miss playing games with people. What would be fun? I'm up for absolutely anything. I would play that game where you talk people through defusing the bomb. I would do that game where you talk people through defusing the bomb. I would do that. And the other end of the spectrum, I'd be willing to play Call of Duty multiplayer.

I'd play zombies. I'd play Rocket League, even though I'm so bad at it that it's embarrassing to play. Rocket League was my first choice, actually. I'd play Mortal Kombat. I'd play Explosion Man, anything, whatever. Explosion Man, man i'd play that that's only two people but that one's fun i've never played it i've just watched hutch's videos long long ago i've uh i don't think i i may have beaten explosion man but i think i have explosion man and explosion man 2 on the 360 i don't know i think it's on the Xbox One now. It's one of those

games that got ported. Did you guys ever play Age of Empires or Age of Mythology? No. I finally made a Steam account and it's like an RTS game. Real Time Strategy I think it stands

for where you're like, you know what the game is though where you're like over it, and you build the city centers and the militaries, and you have to upgrade the weapons and collect resources, like StarCraft. You've played games like that. That's my favorite genre of game. If they had more good games like that, like Total War,

I love those strategy games. Those are the best ones. I can definitely get into something like that, because I love Civ with a passion. But I feel like it's turn-based strategy so you're kind of limited. Most of the skill in Civ comes from experience and learning how to do

some stupid math. Can you play that Agario game as a group? Agario? You guys don't know it? Oh, you showed us that that that's the one where they like instruct you how to solve the puzzle or something right no we're the one you're kind of a ball floating on a white background and if you go towards a smaller ball you can absorb it if you go towards a larger ball it absorbs you oh yeah that's fun it's hard to get in there in a group

though they had that on house of cards but you showed it to me prior to that i think she showed it to us prior but yeah yeah house of cards made me like you know what i'm gonna play this i want to see what it's all about and uh i like it i've i've never been top guy ever like i haven't been number one yet but i've been on the leaderboard a bunch of times and uh it's pretty cool i haven't played that much right now it's a cool game yeah i feel like if we all if either of you people would hang out with us well look if i i'll play if either of you download age of mythology the extended edition with the chinese pack i'll play that with you i don't know if you can chat, you might have to use Skype Age of Mythology I'm going to watch a video of this

later and if it looks fun I'll do it Wow I used to be such a hardcore gamer that I enjoyed games better There needs to be a huge skill gap so that people like me who play this thing daily for four hours a day

can really demonstrate the gap between me and a noob. Now I'm like, I need a game I can pick up in a hurry. You can play Rocket League in a day and you're not good, but you're playing the game. If you play against other people who are bad, then you're in it. Agario is the same way. I feel like this Age of Empire 2 is 2 is remastered is that we're talking about what did you what did you uh we were talking about um age of mythology tale of the dragon it's just so it takes 15 hours just to know how to play no no not at all uh games are over in about

an hour um it can be shorter can be longer depending on the game mode they have game modes where you can do called supremacyremacy where you kind of slowly build your resources up and it's more strategic where you're allotting them different places and deciding what route you want to go. You have to progress through ages so like you start out in the Archaic Age, then you have to go to the Classical Age, then the Heroic Age,

the Mythic Age. You get all these cool units. You can also set it to deathmatch, which is you start with a fuckton of resources, and so it's basically like you build as fast as you can, and whoever can amass the strongest army first. I like the one where you're building up resources slowly, and even then they have another mode

where it builds up resources pretty slowly, but it's called lightning, where just all the building and all of the movement is way faster. And so it's like you're still, it just speeds it up that way. And the slowest way you can do it takes like an hour. Let me ask you this. Is there a, are victories satisfying? For example, am I going to,

is my empire that I'm building over here going to fight yours to the death? Oh, yes. Yeah, there's different ways to win. So you can either destroy all my town centers or to the point that if you're just overrunning me, I can just go to the treaty menu and be like, I surrender. I can't beat you. Or you can do what's called build a wonder. They have different civilizations.

So you can be the Greeks, the Egyptians, the Norse, the Chinese, or the Atlanteans. And each of them has a wonder. And it's so expensive, takes a ton to build and fucking forever to build and if you build it and it survives for 10 minutes without the other civilizations destroying it then you win by wonder you can turn that off uh you can release the titan which is the finest the final age when you get to the titan age you can set another thing that takes a ton of builders a ton of time to unlock and then your titan will crawl out and is just a tank and beats the shit out of your opponent and the only way they can stop them really is

if they're really skilled or if they're fast enough to be like fuck this guy's unearthing a titan I gotta unearth my titan and they have different like themes I feel like if you like this game you would like civilization I just don't like that you don't control the battle in Civ like in this I like being like archers to the

front or archers to the back let's get my monks in the back for healing, let's get my strong myth units. You do that. So you control the battle the same way a general would control a battle. You can pull units forward and backward, and you can strategically place them based on terrain bonuses and the skills that that particular unique or some semi unique unit has So there's a lot of that and it's more of a planning thing like you plan a battle

And then you slowly put your plan into place moving all your units But it's it's and it's not as fast-paced as this this was like you could you could wrap up a good game in an hour But civilization you know it's it's it's much longer format Yeah, but I feel like the the at the end, for me anyway, I know Woody doesn't feel this way. I think maybe Chiz could relate to this. The reward you get after an eight-hour victory is great. It feels really good to finally accomplish

what you've been working toward for eight hours and to have it in hand. I can understand that. To interject... No, go ahead. That's my favorite part. Like, if... Getting to quit.

Yeah, yeah. If, like, 20 or 30 turns in, they're like, why is Woody declaring war? It just doesn't make sense that he always declares war on the first person he sees. And then I'll get knocked out,

and I'm like, who's the real winner here? Right? You guys are still playing, and I'm not. See, look at this. If Woody was playing Age of Mythology with me, game's over.

Oh, you feel like loading up another one? Let's play it. And this game, someone's going to interject and say that Age of Mythology Empire takes way longer than an hour. And if you're playing someone really good and you're playing like 4v4 or 5v5 or really like 2v2 or something,

it can take quite a while. But if you're playing like 4v4 or 5v5 or really like 2v2 or something, it can take quite a while. But if you're playing with just human people, it's not going to take half as long as Civ no matter what. You'll run out of resources on the map. But I just feel like if you feel that way about Civ, then the right move would just be not to play to begin with.

Because you should want to... I've been doing pretty good at that for like a year now. Yeah. I've never faltered. I've been doing pretty good at that for like a year now. Yeah. I've never faltered. I've been steadfast. Chiz and I got on last night and tried to play and we had an issue because I think he's got some mods installed or installed improperly. So he needs to uninstall the game and reinstall it.

But I'd love to get in and play a few games. I haven't played in a while. I just see it's not the... I understand what you're saying with the structuring of combat. I'd love to get in and play a few games. I haven't played in a while. It's not the... I understand what you're saying with the structuring of combat. I like that. I understand what you're saying. Like, all right, I got to be tactical.

I can do this and that. What I don't like is that I can't control individual things. I like watching the battle actually unfold and being able to have real-time impacts to that. Like, if the ai is like if all my minotaurs are attacking their heat like achilles my myth unit doesn't do as much damage to him and so if i just live and let be and just let my minotaurs hack away at hercules or whatever they're not going to do as well as if i'm in there instructing like no you guys over here you have a

strength of your hat there is a bit of that. So the turns are taken simultaneously. So that means that it's not so much, like if our units are facing one another, they're basically touching, and I start attacking, then you can start attacking back. And whichever of us is better with our micro management skills is going to probably win that battle.

If I'm able to quickly attack and retreat, attack, retreat, attack, retreat, attack, retreat, attack, retreat, attack, retreat, attack, retreat, then I'm going to whip your ass. I'm not great at that because I'm playing on a fucking couch. It's the combat that I like more than anything. I don't like the way in games like Civ, when you crush an enemy unit, you're not seeing blood and gore and destruction.

The special moves that you get with these, because the myth units, every society has their own. The Norse, it's all fire giants, the Hurl, frost giants, mountain giants, cave trolls that throw shit at you. The Greeks have minotaurs and stuff, and they all have special attacks. In a battle, a minotaur will just grab a human soldier

and just throw him over the horizon. He'll tumble to the ground. That sounds cool. Now, let me throw one more thing at you. There are lots of mods for this game. So you can, of course, play as Donald Trump. And the Trump empire has many bonuses. Of course, they've got the wall.

You're selling me. They've got the wall. Okay. All right. Do they really? Yes. Yes yes i'm not making this up we could probably find a mod where like one of us could be clinton and one of us could be uh each of each of them for sure i think i'll be clinton and i'll tell you that i'll meet you to start playing at like 2 p.m and i just won't show up is that i think i don't get it she's a liar.

I was just saying I would lie about being there. You could play Mexico and I'll play Trump and you'll try to invade my borders and I'll fight you back. Maybe. Maybe I'll give it one shot. I don't know. If you want to play that game, I think you'd like it.

How much is your game? They want you to have all the expanded stuff too. I'll buy your game for you if it comes to it. It's like $20 for everything. It's like, for everything with Age of Mythology, it's like $40. Okay. So your game's much more expensive than mine. It's, yeah.

Different kind of game. I like, I played Age of Empires, and I saw Chiz writing about it. I feel like it's gonna take a while to learn that game. I feel like it has a Civ level of strategy, right? You need to know, build in such a way. Like, all right, I'm doing this so that I can build a Titan a little quicker than those other guys.

I'm doing this so that I can protect my monument when it finally gets made. I think I'm using terms right. And you have to know how to play. You can't just sort of like fuck about and pick up on it intuitively. There's a learning curve. Yeah. Because the games are so much shorter, like if I got five hours into a Civ game and it turned out like i fucked up royally like my economy is horrible

there's nothing that i can do that's what i've ever shot like maybe i'll look back and be like man where did i go wrong was it an hour that i went wrong was it three hours was i okay until 20 minutes ago and then everything went to shit with this game like let's say like is my tendency is when i play like i always focus way too much on my economy early and if i do lose it's because i get rushed and I wasn't prepared. You learn that quickly, where it's like, okay, fuck, I deserve that loss. That was a quick 20-minute game because I spent way

too much time collecting food and making farms, and I didn't even have a military when that guy showed up. You learn quicker. That's how I like to play Civ. They call it Sim City-ing, and it's looked down upon, but it's how I like it. They call it sim citying it because you're like playing sim city it's uh sims you know just oh the economy like just

economy well what you do is like checking out of any micromanagement just just just uh just focusing on your one city there or or several cities you know i like to get three cities network them together hey and i really like, all right, he needs a workshop, they need a barracks, they need this, they need that. So they're really prepared to make great cities. And I'm not wasting my resources on some spearman who might have been helpful on round 10 in case you get attacked by barbarians or something like that. I really like to work towards a fantastic civilization

and not one that's ready to go to war when people are still fighting with bows and arrows unfortunately this is not a strategy conducive to many wins because it is a war filled game you do exactly what you want to do what i want to do which is you're building a great city everything is really cool and then you get to stop win i love it i love the game um that you'll i'll go into this game thinking something thinking i have a plan like oh i'm gonna do this this and that and then chiz will stump me halfway through it and i'll be like oh the plans have changed war changed. War is going to happen at turn 175, not turn 325. There won't be any aircraft

carriers. There's going to be catapults or whatever the fuck. I really enjoy... I enjoy the war when there's aircraft carriers. I enjoy bombers going from city to city. When you've got good modern day military, I think that's cool. When people are fighting

and it seems like most of the of the players i watch like filthy or kyle or whatever they're always fighting with like hop lights or something and and like shitty units that it's not that it's not that we're always fighting with them it's that i'm more than willing to fight early with hop lights if i need to not to the death that's that's you don't get i don't want to get drawn with hoplites if I need to. Not to the death. I don't want to get drawn into a war, but I'm happy to fight battles. I'm happy to contest territory early on. And what you've got to do is let go of that spearman that I killed or that settler that I took and be like, all right, he won that one.

He won that battle. But if I want to win the war, I can't say, all right, full steam ahead to fuck with Kyle because he fucked with me. It's about accepting losses a lot of the times. Like sometimes Chiz will just take the spot I wanted, and it's like, okay, I could spend the next two hours just ramming my shit into his shit, but he's just got a better spot right now.

I have to play the long game if I'm going to beat him now. The strategy changes so often. There's delegates involved when you going to beat him now. The strategy changes so often. There's delegates involved when you try to beat Chiz. You've got to count delegates if you play the long game with him. I like to go in with artillery if I can,

but I'm more than happy to go in with trebuchets. Turn 100, it's about time to go to war, or at least time to fuck one person off. If somebody's near me at turn 100, I's about time to go to war or at least time to fuck one person off if somebody's near me at turn 100 i'm definitely gonna kill him i love that game though i i'd like to play some we should play some chis yeah i i don't want anything to do with that game just not your style that's okay yeah i i could see myself getting sucked back into a shooter you know and getting a competent edit i could see myself getting sucked into a lot of different games but not civ i don't think um i was saying like just like seinfeld i just pointed out earlier

i was saying like how rewarding how rewarding the victories are, and he said yes, and the defeats are demoralizing. And they really are. I can remember going to bed. For me, they're demoralizing, because I can remember going to bed at 4 in the morning, 5 in the morning, 6 or 7 in the morning, and my girlfriend being like,

did you win, baby? And me being like, nobody wins. No! They never do. Everyone loses. I was like, nobody ever wins the game, baby? And me being like, nobody wins. No! They never do. Everyone loses. I was like, nobody ever wins the game, baby. You just play until you're the last one left. See, now I kind of want to be there for the sign-off.

It'd be nice if you guys could start a little earlier, wrap up games near midnight, and I'd just tune in at 11 and watch the sad, slow descent into loss. Do you tip your king very often and just resign? See, sometimes the case will be that he's going to kill me.

That's inevitable. But maybe I launch my spaceship or get this delegate or cultural win So it's a race to see which will happen first I know I can't beat him militarily But maybe I have enough time to beat him culturally or scientifically or in one of the other ways so oftentimes It's a race like that But if it's a war and you know he pushes me back to a certain point and I can count the units

It's like oh, okay. I'm going to lose. And I'll just be like, well, good game. And we all know it's over. He and I both are pretty good at looking at what's going on, looking at what we have to work with and just being like, no, this is unrecoverable. It's over. So yeah, we usually end them early.

The problem is when you've got four-player free-for-all, which is the standard of play that I like to play if you're going to play multiplayer, those games are going to last 8 to 12 hours no matter what. And that's if there are no tech issues. And there are often tech issues. Yeah, you can't pull me into...

Am I selling this well? Oh, man. Oh, and wait until you start installing those mods. There's like a dozen of them. Oh, did you think you're learning how to play we like to change rules That's even better. Yeah Yeah Like right when woody kind of started getting the basics the game and like he knew going in like like strategies and stuff We we completely modded the shed of the game and then the mod changes every 10 days there for a while So we were like learning a new game every week basically. I don't know. I love the game. Maybe I the mod changes every 10 days there for a while. So we were like learning a new game every week basically.

I don't know. I love that game. Maybe I'll try Civ for real. But I think you should try this game too. I'll download this game tomorrow. I'm free to play anytime this week in the evenings. So we'll do it. Okay. Cool.

Where shall we go from here? I don't know. Not Civ. Not Civ. We've hammered out politics. It's getting late in the show. This is the time where I feel it's good to put... This is where Civ goes in the show, I feel like. You know, in the third act. I was thinking that too.

It's like when... It's always sunny when that old guy is pretending to be a ghost to scare Frank. He's like, and when can I tell them about the Lord? And like, at the end. At the very end. That's where Civ is. At the very end.

Nothing comes after Civ because everyone's like, oh, Jesus Christ. We can fit in some truck talk. Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah. So I think I mentioned it before, but whenever you meet wings in person he'll usually like say two or three bad things about you or your vehicle like you know he'll find some flaws with you or whatever and he'll insult you a few times this is a regular thing you should hit it right back i feel like i'd be tempted to do that no i i just absorb it because that's the that's

the polite thing to do because i don't i think he's subconsciously insulting me to make himself feel better sometimes because maybe he's just not feeling great. So he said – Maybe it wouldn't help him if you did it back. No, it wouldn't. If he was like, what do you look older? And you were to say, oh, well, did the XXY? And would he be like, huh? So that's what that's like i don't think he'd make that connection and i don't think that i'm going to be with him long

enough to make a long lasting impactful change in his life so i just absorb it he's like oh i see you got the chrome around the uh the wheel wells there on his truck everyone ever saw that rusted out you ought to get that taken off before it's too late. And then what was the other thing? There's another... There were two things he found wrong with my truck. I can't remember what the other one was. But yeah, he's done that every time. I remember the first time

he and I were sitting in my truck and I'm driving or whatever. It's old-ish, right? What year is the truck we're talking about? Whichever one he spotted the chrome oh 2008 huh that's eight years old he's telling you it's gonna rust it seems like like so far so good like you've dodged a bullet you know and this is the one that's that actually has been in the water so i feel like it would have rusted by now right

in any case and i just remember when he was at my house, like I'm driving, he goes, I thought your arms were bigger than that. You know, on the internet, you look like you got some big, strong arms, but you ain't got much going on there. And I just want to be like, motherfucker, are you insane? Are you really? We're driving right now to get your workout equipment, asshole. Yeah, I've lost a mess.

I see you, fam. And then, of course, Jeremy is outside. Jeremy, who, you know, he doesn't really have two pennies to rub together, especially at this time in his life. We had all helped and kind of gotten him together so he could get the vehicle that he was driving at the time. He'd had a bad accident, and insurance didn't take very good care of him, and he didn't have very good care of him,

and he didn't have a way of going. So we got him a Chevrolet truck, and it was not a Z71, but it had Z71 stickers on it, and Jeremy didn't put them there. Jeremy thought he had a Z71 Chevrolet pickup truck, and that meant something to him. Z71 is like the off-road package, I think.

Yeah. Yeah. Wings goes, that's not a Z71. And Jeremy's and Jeremy's like oh yeah it is a Z71 right there on the side of it a Z71 and he's like see right here you don't have this uh this little guard up under this brush guard down here yeah you got nothing there see the suspension and coil springs that's not the right thing see tires right he's tired no i and by the way that the tires coopers how you make it though i don't i don't think he's doing that to be mean he kind of knows i don't think so that sounds like he does right there yeah i just know he i just i

don't think he's trying to be i don't think he's trying to be a dick but i just know he hurt jeremy's feelings. And he does that regularly. He'll always find... Like, when you meet, when you're first getting, you know, acquainted with one another for the first time, oh, you have a flaw. Let me point that out for you. Good. Noted.

Yeah, but some people, like, you know, you meet people who do things like that, and they're just more forward with it, and it's kind of filterless. Not to say that it can't hurt people's feelings, but for some people, like, I don't feel like it's done maliciously it's not like he's like yeah this guy i don't know i'm gonna bring him down a peg like i don't oh yeah i know it's not some mean calculated thing i always envied that pass right like i years and years ago like 20 years ago i had a job um doing accounts payable and receivable for this construction company.

I worked with this woman named Lauren. Lauren was always in a terrible mood. There were days where I'd be like, hey, good morning, Lauren. Right? I saw her for like the first time in the office and she'd just go like that. Like she'd grunt in a like, like, like not even a person, like an aggressive, like she just growl or something. And, and she was just always like, I was like low man on the total pole pretty much. And, and I felt like without saying it,

she always made sure that I knew that I was outranked, you know, like anytime if you asked her a question or something, because I think she did one of my jobs before I did it. So she was experienced at it. I might ask her for advice or a question. And it was never like, oh yeah, sure. You know, this is how I do it. It was, you know, like fucking like,

oh, you don't know this. No, did you ever not know? Like, were you born knowing? How'd you do that? And I thought to myself, like, you know't know this. No. Did you ever not know? Were you born knowing? How'd you do that? And I thought to myself, next job, instead of being friendly and easy to work with, I need from day one to be Lauren. I just need to be an ass from the get-go

and just tell people that I'm... That's what you've learned from that experience? Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah. In a way that you were really upset by. But the thing is, they would just be like, yeah, well, that's Lauren, just like you did just now. You were like, you know, like some people, whenever they see you, they make you feel bad about yourself.

And you know, it doesn't come from the heart. So I give them a pass, and I'm like, ooh, yeah, I need to establish a track record when i first meet people of doing things so that i can get a pass on him like sounds like cisco was like sparta only the heart only the strong i tried to be as amiable and polite and friendly as possible i got to a place at cisco where like not that i ruled the place or anything like don't get I try to be as amiable and polite and friendly as possible. I got to a place at Cisco where, like not that I ruled the place or anything,

like don't get me all crazy, but at least in the tech area, I was probably in the top like 10% in terms of like pay scale. Of white people. Yeah. No, no. Like the pay grades went from like four to 4 to 12, and I was an 11. So, like –

Wow. And the way they worked, it was like a pyramid. Like, there's a lot of 4s, a bunch of 6s, fewer 8s. You know, when you got to 11 and 12, there were just a couple of us. So if someone growled at me, it would be like, motherfucker, who are you growling at? You know, like, do we need to – you got to, you got to, you know, like. Bring in the warthog. Yeah, of course I wouldn't be cursing and stuff like that.

But, you know, I need not take any shit in the Cisco IT department. They're, you know. It was just a piece of paper stuck in the printer and you didn't even check did i just do your job for you no no it's not like that no no it's just you know like i don't know people would uh i don't if people had like a different direction it was one thing that would happen is like you know i i propose a solution and then then they like not like it or something or have their own. But their motives were always like bolstering their own resume or something. It wasn't like they had good tech counterpoints.

They just wanted to fuck about with something who knows what. And, you know, it didn't need to take any crap. So, again, I wasn't like on the top of the heap or anything. I was just indispensable enough that I could not have to take shit. Squeaky wheel.

What'd you say? Squeaky wheel. A squeaky wheel. Yeah, no, I feel like a squeaky wheel is, I don't know. It's a big fucking sphere. You know? Would you rather be a gear than a wheel?

Gear? What? Yeah, squeaky gear. A sphere. That just doesn't make any fucking sense, though. Picture a big fucking concrete sphere that need not take any shit from you. That's me.

The squeaky wheel is someone who complains a lot in an effort of getting their problem solved. That's not me. Yeah. I made my own metaphor. Fair enough. And I might be overstating it. I feel like I'm bragging or something. But I...

Yeah. I did fine. Alright. You want to call it a show? I'm not sure yet. I'm not sure. Hang on. I'm not sure either, right?

Let me clear my head here. Make sure there's nothing... We're having a second wind. Make sure there's nothing else I want to add in here. Do you have a thing brewing in your head that you want to talk about? I have a three-gun competition I'm practicing tomorrow. I hope that I don't suck.

I need to sight in my rifle. That's a skill I'm going to develop tomorrow. I've done it before, but on a bench and slowly, and I'm going to do it better this time. You know, one of those laser bore sighting tools really makes that process a lot easier. You can get very close with it before you get out to the range. So when you get out to the

range, it's more about minute corrections. I had the store I bought the scope from bore sight it. Oh, you're great then. Yeah, I think I just need to dial it in from there. And that's what we'll do. Yeah, that'd be good. Yeah, so that should be kind of cool. I don't know. Just run through my guns

and make them go bang and make sure that I'm ready for Saturday. We've been shooting a lot. That's why I've got my pistol here. I've been shooting this one a lot. This is my Springfield Armory TRP 1911. I've got the sights tuned really, really well right now. I guess I've shot maybe 300 rounds this week through it, which is a lot from a pistol. I'm pretty sharp right now. I've had some three-inch targets today, like 3-inch round steel targets, and we were shooting them at

35 yards. Having a good time with it. A handgun? I don't usually shoot over 25 with a handgun. I like to back on up. I like to shoot long range with the 45s especially.

I also like to shoot a little faster. I don't know how fast you're shooting, but I try to back on up. I like to shoot long range with the.45s especially. I also like to shoot a little faster. I don't know how fast you're shooting, but I try to develop a double tap. I don't feel like I really double tap. I feel like I have quick follow-ups, but that's a little somehow. It's the same as a double tap because I'm just told double tap is kind of a quick follow-up.

It's not like you don't plan the second shot, I don't know it's not yeah I'm I'm I'm target shooting it's it's like bang bang you know it's I'm taking my time and trying to be really accurate too yeah well I it's I bought uh about three boxes of 45 three boxes of 357 it was about 160 bucks so it's a lot of fun for and i'm still shooting them up my 357 desert eagle is so fucking accurate i hadn't shot it a while so i've forgotten uh it's just absurd and it's got no recoil at all even with a 357 it's just kind of like bang bang bang there's just no no rise no barrel rise no nothing i've got a thing for a ruger 22 45 you know that gun yeah yeah so you've got the um

you got the ruger mark 3 or mark 4 whatever they're up to like style but you've got the 45 um like eight like like 1911 uh angle, right? Yeah. And it's really light. It's round and it shoots.22s. It's supposedly very accurate. And this is a silly thing, but there's a suppressor that screws on and almost just...

It's got a threaded barrel. It's a threaded barrel, but you know when you take two well-machined things and they screw together to a point that the seam is practically gone? You can do that. You can put a suppressor on it and it looks almost like it's an integral suppressor practically. Like it fits so well. And that's a setup that I think I'd enjoy.

And I might even shoot like around my property. No one would just click, click, click. You would. Yeah. You'd love that. It's really fun. I don't currently have a threaded barrel.22 pistol. I've got some rifles that I put my .22 suppressors on, but I don't really, I haven't been shooting a lot of.22 lately,

mostly.45, but yeah, that's a really cool setup, and it's not that expensive. You know, you watch.22 Plinkster, he has a 22 pistol and rifle the the franken rifle and franken pistol that are real enviable like he's got some custom stuff put together and like i think that'd be cool too i know um eric's got a really fine-tuned uh ruger uh 1022 rifle um and i was shooting spray paint cans and i was shooting the nipple off the top of the spray paint can. Is it scoped? Yes. It's scoped and on a table.

But just to set up very good trigger on the gun. Very, very good scope. You hear the term crosshairs, but often times they aren't hairs. These look like hairs. Very thin reticle so you can really be precise. And it wasn't challenging at all to shoot the nipple off spray paint cans it was it was just about squeezing the trigger uh really nice rifle hmm at 100 meters

does cheap ammo make a difference or do you think it's almost always the shooter if i shoot at 100 meters with my savage which is i think my most accurate gun bolt action rifle yeah um so um yeah ammunition matters a lot um if you want the most out of the rifle um you definitely do um the certain right so we reloaded a lot um we dad used to shoot these 100 yard rifle competitions and he's got.222 and.222.50 target rifles. It's a.22 caliber bullet. The other numbers are just about how much powder is behind it. But they're very fast, you know, 3,000 feet. I lost you. I was listening but I was looking at this picture. I lost you.

But it would really depend on the load that you put in the thing, how accurate it could be, whether it's going to put all the bullets in a nickel or it's going to put all the bullets in a dime. Oh, a YouTube map. I misunderstood. Someone just linked this YouTube map, and I guess FPS Russia is linked this YouTube map.

And I guess FPS Russia is in this map, which is kind of cool. Oh, at the bottom. I just don't know what it is. Oh, for me to find it, you have to enlarge it. You have to enlarge the picture. You have to click it, and it's at the bottom. Yeah. Fairly prominent in there. Good for you.

Where is that? Yeah. I don't know what it's a reference to i think it's an actual map some oh i guess they made a map of the country and like put our names people are put our well that's it's not accurate but it looks like there's a map of some landmass and i have no idea what's going on here cool though yeah it's neat whatever that is um but yeah i did i i don't have a ton of guns but oftentimes the guns that i want are like the you know a really good example of that class of gun and uh it sounds like what eric has or what 22 plinkster has it'd be what i'm up to you know you can get a 10 22 fairly inexpensively but to get a nice one

you got to kind of plan it out i saw one for sale that in hindsight i wish i had bought a fully decked out i think it came with a suppressor too i like the suppressor a lot um that's i've been shooting a lot of stuff suppressed lately i've got my uh tyrant 45 that i goes on my uh other 1911 pistol i've been shooting it a good bit over there it's so quiet uh because they're they're still doing some construction and i don't want to freak those guys out they're ex-cons anyway where where are they doing oh is this your dad's uh man cave yeah they're from the exterior on now so they're over there doing that i think my contractor wrote me tuesday and the stable's done so oh that's great yeah and i uh yeah there was a little hiccup with the garage doors so

they're gonna do that and there's a couple other odds and ends to button up and then his part of the stable is done. Then I've got more to do. I'm going to build a deck on it and stuff. That'll be cool. I look forward to this. That's quite a barn you've got back there. Once you get the water park installed and the shooting range

you're going to have a real fucking compound over there. It's going to be legit. Self-ticket to that place. We're going have our next next youtube event at woody's house at woody's house yeah yeah we'll put one group on the go-karts and what you know one group will get to play in the the water park one group goes to the shooting range one group goes over there to the outdoor kitchen cooks them up a little so Yeah, yeah. The mess hall. Yeah. The mess hall. Yeah, yeah. There are days when it happens to both Jackie and I.

It's not like every – most of the day, most of the time I walk around and it's just like, oh, yeah, whatever. I live here. I've got things to do. I'm not thinking about it too much. And I was with Jackie last week or something. And she's like, you know, i really felt like queen of the castle today like she was cleaning up and the weather was nice everything was going well and we just feel like really lucky to have this uh it's it's pretty cool i think the pool will be a substantial

addition to it yeah assuming that happens you know we have to get quotes and stuff but um yeah jackie really wants it to be heated and we've been talking to other you have to do that that's so much better my um our yeah we've mentioned it before we were these friends etc the same one that we were gonna have uh you know hope volunteer for they were asking Then we were asking him, like, hey, with your pool, you know, like, do you have any regrets? Like, do you wish it was bigger? Do you wish you got a hot tub? Do you wish that?

And she's like, I wish we got it. Make sure it's a saltwater pool. Make sure it's a saltwater pool. So much better than chlorine. There's, now, saltwater pools still have chlorine. Do they generate their own chlorine or something? I believe that is the case yes it generates its own and it's like much less irritating so like if i ever opened my eyes

underwater in a chlorine pool it's you know you're just cloudy especially if you have contacts and it just ruins your eyes you have to go fuck around with them to make them better salt water it's not like that yeah so i think that's the way we're headed. I have to make sure that that's what it is. But it has its own chlorine generator thing. And he said it was $200 a year. He says it's $200 a year in electricity for the pumps and $200 in the chemicals. And that it's much less than it used to be. I don't know.

Even if he's optimistic and it's more like if it goes from $400 to $500 more, that's not a killer. But wait, I'm real big on the monthly run rate that's a big deal with me it is harder to get me to spend like a hundred dollars a month than it is to get me to spend a thousand bucks like i i don't i don't like the recurring expenses but uh so i look at that like every time i buy something i'm like have i just increased my like standard of living cost? And the pool's going to do that to some extent. Well, you're not going to run the pool all year.

It's not even 12 months. Yeah. I don't know how long you can... One thing I've seen before that I really like, and I don't know if it's something you'd be interested in, but in Brent's pool, he's got bar stools that are semi-submerged and a bar um that you could like eat and eat or drink on i thought that was pretty cool yep you serve booze but it's only rum in

fruity drinks that's all there is i'm a whole pineapple with yeah yeah i don't know would you like a beer sucks to suck because here's a margarita. I don't think that's a fit for us. Like a bar? I don't think so either. Oh, as soon as I mentioned it, I was thinking, that doesn't make any sense. I would love that. I could imagine eating,

but I don't think I even want to eat in the water. There's lettuce floating around in the pool now. There's an olive. Someone drops a hot dog and you got little bits of soggy Oscar Mayer bread in there. No. The dogs are going to chomp that right up. No problem, buddy.

Don't worry about that. His dog's going to love that fucking pool. That's going to be interesting. We'll see. Jackie's big on no dogs in the pool area. So there has to be like a fenced in spot. Oh. Why?

What's the worry? Give it time. I don't know. I don't know. If it were a vital pool, which we're not doing, there'd be damage possibilities. But we're either going fiberglass or gunite, like gunite concrete. And from there, you know, I think dogs would be fine in there.

Yeah. Yeah. They'd love it. Yeah. I'm tempted to go fiberglass if they have what I want. I've read every, every like verses on the internet and i walked away thinking fiberglass was the best um you'd think concrete is like just yeah it sounds more permanent and it's more expensive so therefore it's better but um

uh it like you need to refinish it every so often it gets like it chips up and you can imagine concrete doing that you know the the chemicals in the pool can be like bad for the concrete oh and if you don't maintain it properly then that can be like you can wear it extra fast whereas um if the same thing happens to fiberglass it's more like painting like you just sort of gel coat it and it's good as new so uh there's not like actual repair like divots chunked out of it or anything but i'm not an expert so we'll see i don't know it's big on my mind right now it's a big big purchase yeah so kyle amazing race i can't commit to that.

There's some idea of me and Woody auditioning to be on The Amazing Race, which I'm sure involves three months of filming away from home. And I just can't really do that. I've got people here who depend on me just to get around town. I couldn't leave for a month i did i really couldn't it wouldn't and you know if we're talking about like like nine months from now or something like sure but like i got some i got much stuff going on i can't do that i couldn't leave for a week right now i got shit going on i need to know the dates right because yeah i've mentioned on the show before i've got my mother-in-law coming right and like it's not this weekend right but

let's say it was hypothetically like very soon i needed to take the next month away well shucks right colin's got one good foot at this point and requires a little more care than he normally does and then my um uh mother-in-law is coming see may to august that's not awesome for me because my mother-in-law is coming call it april 1st and um she's very ill she's she has cancer and she's 75 so that's an extra level of like um i don't know responsibilities around the house like this just might not be my year yeah we'll go to an amazing race fuck you chiz you go on your own amazing race you go on the amazing race you trying to sign me up for some month-long torture trip across the globe and make it to the place that they start they'd be like all right you're gonna go here and you're

when you get to venezuela you're gonna go to this city you're gonna meet a man named ted he's gonna take you to a plane and then you're gonna keep keep going. Chiz, wait, wait, wait. Do they have a bus available? Bus I could take, you know, just across the world. Like, no,

did you just read my thing? Is that what you're nodding at? Yeah. Well, I knew that going in, like, like, like, you know,

well, I got shit going on. It's just, I can't, I can't, I didn't even, bad timing. Yeah.

Yeah. I don't know. I don't want to, it's hard to say it out loud but she's 75 and she has cancer and we're hoping for the best but imagine it's not ideal

you have to have reasonable expectations yeah so this is not a good time for her to be alone and on that note yeah you want to end on that one i like that i have a positive my um my my father i mentioned before that he had this like prostate surgery and stuff yeah it appears that that's been very successful so uh so he's on the

road to recovery he's out of the hospital he's back home and uh well you just keep an eye on your mom when she starts walking funny you'll know the fix is in bingo yeah all right yeah yeah so uh it's i've been it's funny because i i know kyle tried to wrap up the show. I'm sorry. But I was poking. I was like, damn it, Mom, you wore him out. Look what you did. Anybody else would have been okay. But you went and broke him.

One prostate can't take all of that. Jesus Christ. He's a human being. Lighten up, Mom. human being. Lighten up, mom. All right. That's the note we should end on.

Painkiller already episode 274. Be sure to check out our sponsors. I know that I will. Good night, everyone.