Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #297

Episode Date: September 2, 2016

This week on PKA, Wolf returns! The guys have a great discussion about paintball, Wolf shares stories about his dominatrix ex-girlfriend & also hosts a paintball gun giveaway, also the guys talk about what some of the best movie sequels are.

Killer already episode 297 we're live with wolf yes we have a few sponsors tonight squarespace movement watches dollar shape club and of course blue apron we'll talk more about each of them later on in the show there are of course right now links down in the description you can check all those wonderful sponsors out but let's get right into the show of course welcome back everyone it's been a week how's everyone been how's everyone's week been i've had a great week i've been seeing wolf since five years ago at the first paintball trip and i remember going into it i didn't know anybody or how intense it would be i just remember kyle having texted me being like yeah it's gonna be like a big scenario game it'll be like a few hundred people versus another few hundred people and i arrived that first day and i was kind of picturing it being like a bunch of casual people

you know just just shooting around and having a ha ha ha oh you got me and I see wolf just big heavy steps across the parking lot and I'm like this guy this guy's either coming up over here for real to start something or he just really takes this seriously and he led the charge in a way that I felt like I was going to a real battle my My heart got beat and I was getting nervous. I was like, I thought this was just for fun. Now I feel like I've really got to win. You don't want to let Wolf down. You can't let Wolf down.

You're in that foxhole and you're like, guys, I'm getting pretty hot and I'm all out of Gatorade. You're like, are you insane? Wolf went out there and died for us. Well, he got shot twice and then he went to get some Gatorades. No, he died. He gave his life for you and you and me.

And pops me under right now, Kevin. Like, we got to go forward. Yeah, that literally happened, where you're sitting in a bunker, and Wolf's behind you like, forward! And I was all out of ammo. And I'm like, well, he did look at me, so he's going to know if I puss out and I'm like well he did look at me so he's gonna know if I puss out. I'm gonna run forward anyway

so I can look him in the eye when we're in that little room full of snacks in 20 minutes run forward there wolf I'm gonna be a pussy in front of wolf now Jesus Christ suicide squad running after you that was fun times. I love those paintball events.

I like them for the camaraderie and for the teamwork much more than the actual gameplay, though. If I'm just wanting, like the most fun I have playing paintball is probably rec ball, honestly, where I go out and really just run around up the side

with my overpriced gun and shoot a bunch of people with Reynolds. Like, I'm sorry, but that's just really fun. The 30-year-old man, i loved it when i was 15 years old and my mom had to take me there i love it today as a 30 year old man nothing has changed it's fun but now you can afford better shit to shoot the kids for free now it's wonderful i don't have to buy this shit there's no like dad can i please have the one where the co2 goes on the back like a stock i don't want to hold it straight down no everybody laughs at me you know there's no, like, Dad, can I please have the one where the CO2 goes on the back like a stock? I don't want to hold it straight down.

Everybody laughs at me, you know. There's no more of those talks. Dye's like, yeah, we'll give you the good one. So, yeah, big difference. But I really enjoy those scenario games for the camaraderie and getting to meet the fans. I don't know. I really like meeting the fans at those things because I'm so often pleasantly surprised that that many of you guys out there who are listening right now or at least the ones who come to an event the ones who are like you

know what I'm gonna do it I'm gonna put some money down I'm gonna get up out of the bed today I'm gonna drive out there and see the guys you're really cool people like like 85 90 percent of our fans who show up for shit are cool fucking people that I like. I think the fact that we're doing paintball events has the better people self-selecting, right? If we went and were like, hey, we're going to do a PKA meet and greet at an anime event, we might get a whole other

batch of fans wearing adult diapers and shit. I don't know. I don't want adult babies of America. I understand their plight. You know, Huggies isn't wanting to make their size. You know, everybody's looking down on them when they go into those dress, the diaper changing rooms and stuff. Like, you don't even have a child.

But, you know, that's just the way God made them, those adults. It is certainly not. That is an upsetting little thing to see, is that whole adult baby wearing a diaper thing. It's like, what kind of, like, I don't want to make fun of it, because it's one of those things that, like, a psychiatrist would be like, ah, yes, do you enjoy wearing diapers and soiling yourself? How many times were you molested? And they're like, what, you're not even going to ask if I was? It's up to how many times? Like, you have to have something a little wrong with you.

Six, six, six, he's like, yeah, six times. Six, sixty, six times! Like, yeah, you've you gotta be real fucked up to be an adult baby diaper-weared guy. Although, like, I'm just thinking right now off the top of my head, like, what is it that gets you into that, right? And I could, immediately, like, I think of two things. One would be, maybe

you really had, like, the best part of your life you think was when you were a child. When you were taken child when you were taken care of loved and protected and now everything else has been shit and you're trying to revert back to that to once again feel that comfort that's one scenario i would imagine and the other one that i've that i've definitely seen i know that i know that it's true because i've seen the stern show go and interview these motherfuckers is it's sort of it's a sexual uh sort of thing

that like sort of a domination submissive relationship that sometimes will go on between the dada and the baby so you'll have this grown man wearing a diaper and the dada will decide when that when and if that diaper is changed and uh and bang the baby mama No, because he's a man. It could probably be a relationship that I'm talking about with my dada and the baby where the baby is submissive to him

and he decides how long you wear this diaper and you basically role play as a two-year-old, an 18-month-year-old, whatever he's into. In the scenario that I was listening in on on the radio, he was like, yeah, sometimes I'm a toddler. I'm like three and I can crawl around. Sometimes I'm like six months old and I just gotta lay there and get swaddled, you know, it's whatever dot dot rocks. You know what I would do, like, you know how they have to hire, like, actual women to come and pretend to be their mom or a guy to come and be their dad or whatever?

I would be, uh, a three week old child who just screamed. Did nothing but scream and shit and make them clean up after. That's the fetish right there, is tricking someone into thinking you're aroused by this, but really you're just creating a mess in some neutral place that their job is to clean up. Speaking of which, if you have a weird fetish like that,

that's fine, but don't... For you guys, the other person has to be into it too for you to like it, right? to be into it too for you to like it right like you couldn't just show up in a diaper and know the other person was faking it because they're getting paid and still enjoy it right like if I walked into my bedroom John Snow if that were the case then strip clubs would not be popular well that was a fantasy though you know it's yeah and it's one that I don't understand.

I won't take a long time doing this because I've done it like three times before and I hate retelling stories. Me too. And points that are general. Oh, you do, eh? Yeah. That's awful. The thing about strip clubs is this. Many times they don't want to be there. It's a job for them, pure and simple.

And unfortunately that job is to deceive you the customer into thinking that that girl likes you and what your stupid man brain is going to go and do for itself because it's chemistry it's evolutionary brain chemistry it's going to say oh but i'm different that's what's going on here normally she does this little act and she does her dance to like save a horse ride a, ride a cowboy, and gives a wink. But when it's me, she's into me. This could go somewhere. Yeah, I better keep doling them out.

And it's not just because I brought 20s tonight. Yeah, it has nothing to do with that it's $2 bill night. She just likes me. That's all that's going on here. So I hate that. I hate that they're literally lying. You're paying a woman to lie to you. That's not what I'm looking for at all.

And it is so hard to pull a stripper out of a strip club and fuck her. I have seen it done, but I don't think I've ever done it the same night. I think it took me work, like texting and stuff like that to like get her later on. But like, I've seen my cousin take one right out of the strip club and, and, and fuckers, which was very impressive to me. I didn't even think that was possible. Like, but, but I hate it. I hate this fake fantasy where you pretend that you're spending your money too. I don't like that. I know that another like weird, weird um i don't call it weird but another um fetish is called um financial domination and that is when you're a pay pig for a woman

and basically she says oh what are you doing sitting over there with your little baby dick that can't get hard all you're good for is paying for me to go have fun. Give me my money, bitch. How do I find a gay guy with that fetish? Right? Yeah. Because I will pretend and do whatever, and I'll be like, hey, you're a real limp dick asshole. You know it.

How about you throw a 50 this way, dick? Or whatever it would be. I really think I'd be good at that. You know? Yeah. Look at that tiny little hairless penis of yours. You could hardly fill my truck with gas. You know, and then it's like...

I bet you couldn't go to Costco right now and buy me a whole shelf of shit. Yeah. And then I bet you couldn't unload it and put it away. You know? Like, I hate to say this, but man, if you're a woman an attractive woman let's just say that and yes in your morals aren't uh aren't aren't that rigid there are so many weird ways to

make it living on the internet exploiting that fact without having to literally whore yourself out you don't have to fuck anybody or touch anybody there are like 30 different ways that you can just just excrete extract extract thank you money from men like i see women selling their panties online that's a thing like they'll post pictures of them wearing a pair of panties and then they'll mail them to you for 10 bucks 20 bucks 50 bucks and these guys are paying and then they'll post pictures of them like coming on the panties for the girl like look i did good your panties turned me on so much and she's like yeah that's real great and she like counts those 20s um and then the financial domination is one of course and um and and like the the baby doll sort of uh relationship that exists i think we're all familiar with like sugar

daddies baby doll yeah i get it so we're all familiar with like sugar daddies. The baby doll? Yeah, I get it. So we're all familiar with sugar daddies and that sort of relationship. An older man who is helping a young lady out financially in exchange for like hookups and sex and being his girlfriend or his date. It seems like in the 21st century, that has evolved into a situation where there's no more sex. The sex has now been removed from that whole scenario. And there i i keep seeing a terrible deal i know these men not desperate though hey like like and i've seen them questioned on it they're like does he touch you she's like no he put his hand on my back as he escorted me into the party that he was throwing um does he see you naked well no i don't change

in front of him do you get in like sexy lingerie and finally masturbate oh absolutely not i've never seen him naked either do you make out with him really passionately oh no we we kiss on the cheek and stuff daddy just takes me out and takes care of my bills and i was just like mind blown like was she really hot perspective This is a different perspective. I actually dated Dominatrix for a while. So I've seen a lot of stuff. We can talk about the whole show. But she tells me, there's a couple things that are very funny about the whole fetish world, the latex scene.

I can tell you a lot of stuff. I got fans watching, so I got to be careful. They're not here. Latex stuff? It's usually rubber. It's rubber, the rubber outfits that they have to put on. You put on powder first, you have to peel it on yourself

and then you lube it up. There's like liquid latex. Yeah, liquid latex too you can get. But it's really expensive and a pain in the butt to take off. No pun intended. But there are guys like the dominatrix that I was hanging out with. She's never had sex with any of her customers.

And it would just be different fetish. And she would be, they'd be all rich dudes. Like these aren't guys like they're living in their mom's basement. Like these are CEOs of banks and they have their own fundraisers, and they live in $3 million mansions, and they marry trophy wives who don't want to do anything. And it's like they come to her just to clean her house, to be put in a diaper, to be spanked, to be degraded.

And then there's a really nasty stuff where they come to get beaten like till they're blue and black and blue and like i can't even look at some of the pictures and there's no sex involved yeah see now see now i understand like i understand like a good firm spanking until like someone's ass is like glowing red even like But that's as far as I would ever... I don't want to hit your butt so hard it's bruised. I don't want to literally beat your ass. I don't want to bruise your butt. I don't want to hit you with a flog or a cane.

Maybe a flog, but not a cane. You don't want to give someone a solid caning. Is it even a fetish? If your fetish is to go to some woman's house dress up like some superhero asshole and then get beat the shit out of you and give her a bunch of money and you don't have sex is that even like a sexual fetish at that point or is it just you like did they get off by not having sex like they get off by being treated like shit they get off by the act they

i think they're getting back home and they're stroking one off while that happens at while they're doing it oh oh some mistress says you're not allowed to okay i i didn't want to be so presumptive with your former girlfriend but it struck them to pleasure themselves as she beat the fuck out of them. Yeah, it's scary, man. I did a lot. Let me put it this way. She was making a high six figures. Yeah.

And she only works a few hours a day. And it's not really work, is it? Where are the high six figures? Are the high six figures just under seven figures well yeah about that she was making half a million a little bit over half a million wow and she was just making each client would pay like a thousand bucks an hour yeah well good for her well i mean we were looking the other day you can go to backpage.com right and they it's it's like craigslist but a little more hardcore

and they've got um um dominatrixes and uh and all kinds of fetish stuff on there and you can see what the rates are for like a girl who you would say is like a six out of ten especially for like the scary part of the internet she's charging like 250 an hour i'm sure wolf has very nice um lady attached to his arm. So yeah, it just makes sense that she would be getting paid $1,000 an hour to beat the shit out of someone. I think, I would be like,

you got eight minutes? I'm a little, I'm running a little low here. Can I write you a personal check? Yeah, it's like, I could save $6,000 by Monday now by starting it, you know, in the parking lot before I get here. Here's the crazy thing. Hold on. She would double dip as in while she was doing this stuff. She'd make certain customers wear a

mask and she'd live stream it for paying customers. So while she's getting paid from him $1,000, these guys are paying on the internet to watch for however amounts of sums of money. She's quite the entrepreneur. It makes me wonder if Wolf has ever worn a mask and been a performer

on one of these live streams. No, but I've worn a mask at certain events. Oh oh I see very nice that's that's that's great you know what my thing is I don't I I think is try anything twice in case you didn't like it life is short man there's a lot of guys walking around with very close my oh I'm scared of that oh that looks naughty I don't listen this if you don't experience stuff you'll you're not living man there's a lot of guys who walk around who are very happy with

average and that's like you live once man just do it all just have fun the only thing i don't do with other guys that no i'm straight strictly now but i've had some fun in my times and it's like when i it's funny because when I in the paintball scene you would think that cuz it's an extreme sport is you know the guys are very cool and open-minded and sometimes at my events I'll have booth girls come you know a couple of chicks wearing wolf shirts really huge boobs and everything and a lot of these people get offended like oh my gosh is you know it's a family. How can you have a bikini contest?

It's like, are you serious, man? We're out here playing in 100 degrees heat and 2,000 dudes. And you're going to get mad at me because I bring over a couple girls. Yeah, because you're creating jobs. That's what I like about CPX and the way Paul runs that event. It's because, sure, there's a lot of kids there, and it's not like there's nudity out there that's going to damage some

13-year-old boy who's out there playing paintball. That's not the case, but there are girls riding around on golf carts and bikinis selling beer, and I love that. I love that. The girls in bikinis selling hot dogs and hamburgers, and they're just booth babes everywhere.

It makes it a lot more fun. And then, of course, they have the wet t-shirt contest later on. Bikini contest, yeah. I remember – oh, is that what it is? So what you inevitably see is there are some like eights and nines getting up on stage. There are some – especially if you're just counting the body. There are some bodacious, tight fucking bodies getting up there they've been danced to some of them look like they got experience um but then i remember maybe one year i don't remember when it

was maybe the last time i was there this girl got thrown off the stage because she like whipped her big fat titties out and she was really she was really drunk and not great like she she wasn't gonna place in this thing. She wasn't going to make it to the top three. I mean, we'll, we'll all look at your titties, but you know,

you're not going to win. She pulled them out and they were like, ah, throw her out. And then, you know, they, they,

they disqualified her from the contest. And of course me and Aiden lure her over to our side. And we've got those big titties out posing for pictures. They're just so big, like areolas like that that was a great time like we almost didn't go to the that that part of the event but but we came back late for it and and we got to see her big ridiculous fat titties great well it's funny because i'm the judge for that event too i know yeah it's like yeah it's really difficult i hate that job but

it the stuff that we've had well you know you gotta look down deep inside people sometimes right so that's not how you judge a bikini contest first of all we gotta let the people know this happens at night time like after nine o'clock so all the kidlets are gone all the young should be gone you know yeah yeah are gone. All the young ones should be gone. Yeah, yeah. The kids should be gone. So it's all the big boys having fun. And honestly, after a sausage fest that

is paintball, with 3,000 guys running around shooting each other every day, it's really nice to have that visual thing happen at night. You know what I mean? And just let loose. Yeah, sure. It's almost like we're recreating what ancient versions of ourselves would have done. It's like we're recreating what like ancient versions of ourselves

would have done you know it's like we go out and we have a battle all day and that night we've got our captured women up dancing on the stage for us oh my frolic with festivities or even world war two right doesn't it seem like they battle during the day and then at night they'd have i don't know they cower in their foxholes and hope the mortars didn't come. No, the women would come and dance on stage and stuff. How is no one else familiar with it? Very few big-breasted women on the front lines of Bastogne. Not the front lines, but the Kyle Bucky up here.

You know what I'm talking about. There's a comedian. Who the fuck is... Marilyn Monroe would go out. Marilyn Monroe would go. That's when you got R&R or whatever. When they were back in England and stuff. But the guys were out there fighting. They just fought during the day and cried at night, I'm sure.

Or fought at night. Obviously, the guys who are literally in foxholes didn't get to do that. But we're not literally in foxholes in paintball either. Sometimes we are. Sometimes you're literally in a foxhole. There's no actual... I've crawled through some nasty stuff in my day, brother. Trust me. ball either. Sometimes we are. Sometimes you're literally in a foxhole. I've crawled through some nasty stuff in my day,

brother, trust me. Especially when we've done 24-hour straight games and you just keep playing and you're like, play through the night with night vision goggles. It's really tests a person, though. It's funny. The thing about paintball is that everyone likes to talk the talk in life, but when you go to a paintball game, you've got to walk the talk the talk in life but when you go to a paintball

game you got to walk the walk and it's always the guys who talk tough and stuff who go to a game and it's like don't be the ones hiding in the bunker where you see the quiet guys running over the hill and destroying everything you know what i mean and when sometimes i do like corporate training events corporate teamwork events so you'll have a company like IBM or something if they say like still exist and they'll come go bring You know 50 people down and you'll hope that the CEO honchos talking big and oh I want Jones on this team I don't want this and this and we're gonna do this and this and then the paintball start flying and you see the real Personalities come out and I remember this one time there is a secretary named Monica come out and I remember this one time there is a secretary named Monica she's very quiet little five foot five ninety nine pounds and you know taking orders

from boss boss said oh this is a call for me I remember her getting out in the field and she's just going oh my gosh is she okay she scared me and it was like and all of the all the big hot hot shows were like you know hiding behind the bunkers and trying to and she's running over a hill she goes hey wolf guy can i get can i get one of your paint grenades and one of those smoke bomb things yeah sure sure she's like fireball go go and she and just yeah that's how it is it just brings out that makes sense because like a ceo would be standing there like on the back like a general like accounting forward departments you know hr flight oh you're useless to this too and that's a cool thing like when i went to the PKA meeting with you guys one time and we met fans.

It's interesting because you get guys who play a lot of online games and Call of Duty and Battlefield. And they get to actually feel like what it's like to actually carry a loadout and have to run, aim, and shoot. And how taxing that is on the body. And scary. It can be scary, actually. Even though it it's just paintballs you don't want to get hit oh i mean i can still see where i'm permanently scarred on my face from that i remember when that happened man it's one of those scars that takes like three or four years to fully heal if that's gonna be a while i remember that happened woody i apologize that was me but It wasn't your fault. Although, I bet, correct me if I'm wrong here, but didn't you feel

a lot better about your wound, like an hour later when that kid took all that glass to the face? Oh, well, that kid was dumb. He took his mask off. Now the kid has a car, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's what you have to do to get hurt playing paper.

Granted, he was worse. I was thinking about where I am in Wolf, talking about the different levels of bravery. I'm reluctantly brave. I want, like, my heart wants to be way the fuck in the back, right? If possible, with an umbrella drink of some sort. But because there's so many fans and so many cameras there, I'm obligated to leave. People come up to me and say, Woody, what are we going to do?

And no one's really on board with the umbrella drink idea. It's not a thing. So I was like, all right, we're going to flank to the right. This man, we have to own bumper cars or whatever the hell it is. And we make a plan and we go. But it's not what I want to do. I want to be a coward. it is and and uh we make a plan and we go but i it's not what i want to do i want to be a coward the only time that like i like i know what you mean where you get like into that battle mode

and you feel like the stakes are really high even though it's just a paintball game and you're like planning your run between bunkers the only thing that really snaps me out of that in paintball is you know i could be running and dodging and my adrenaline's so high but then if i see that there's only one path and i have to get wet or muddy or like disgusting i immediately i'm like no no my i don't care if we lose i'm not ruining my whole day by getting in there no i'm not doing that i don't care this isn't real war that i i draw the line there like that's the only thing that really takes me out of it is knowing like oh if i sludge through that muck maybe iuck, maybe I get two guys out and people high-five me once, and six hours from now I've got gangrene. Yeah, I refuse to get my feet wet. That's where I draw the line.

I won't get my feet wet. There's no water going in my boots. If that's what it takes, then I'm going around. I like the aspect of kind of running it and doing something stupid and knowing that like most of the time four out of five times this is going to go badly for me and i'm going to pay for it with a lot of pain but that one out of five times it's going to be so glorious it's going to be like it's gonna be fucking die hard mode where i just come in and yippee-ki-yay motherfucker and just like take out six guys that are looking the wrong way and uh that's the whole reason i play is for that one time and it's the same reason

i used to play call of duty it's for that moment when you walk in the room and everybody's looking the wrong way and you just get to take your time. That's why everybody plays. The thing is, I don't really care, right? I don't care if I win. I don't care if I lose. I just feel obligated to do this shit, right? So Kyle's like, yeah, that one time out of five, it'll work out.

Zero times, motherfucker. It'll never work. If I charge in there take over a building and get four kills and then it hurts and i get shot a lot that's a loss because i really didn't care about the four or five people i got no no dude you're totally wrong you get that little it's the same thing as like when you get a really good kill and call of duty except it's a million times better where you get that hit and if they're actually a good person and they leave unlike me a lot of times where they actually

Like get that little you get a rush You're like oh yeah like this game is impacted because of me maybe I maybe that guy got like a welt or something like it Kind of it gets you revved up a little bit like it's exciting. You know you don't feel that way I must be in the minority, but I don't feel that way at all if I get you out or something I don't care I don't care That's the fun thing about paintball though is don't think you like paintball yeah we'll see that's the problem well don't pretend like you like paint it's like wait a minute what do you like about paintball you're like well that shower afterwards is very refreshing i like meeting the fans uh the lunch

is second to none especially at the last place we went to it's got those burgers um i like i like you know before the game starts when everyone's talking and stuff i enjoy that um after i get shot you get to do that more so i like that i like all those things but i'm definitely most passionate about the rush that i get from like fucking facing off against somebody on an equal playing field. It's literally like real-life Call of Duty. You know, they've got pretty much the same equipment I've got, and I love that. And I love the reward that my brain gives my body every time that I win. You know, if I do flank around and I do something that helps take a portion of the map, it feels really good.

I love that. I really do. The thing on my show that's called a portion of the map. It feels really good. It's a I love that I really do the thing that I on my show It's called wolf top five kills and it's literally the top best people Yeah They're great and I literally I just posted one like an hour ago and there's one shot where this guy did the tank coming to a guy and The guy says okay you guys cover me. This dude runs to the tank, jumps on top of the hood, climbs up it,

stands up and starts shooting down inside of the tank. And I was like, oh, it's probably the most illegal thing you could do in paintball. But it made you top five plays anyway. I was freaking out just watching this thing and i'm like and there's another one where uh there's a guy with a sniper sniper paintball gun which is now a realistic thing because we have these things called first strike rounds and the paintball just spins on him and this guy has a bolt action sniper rifle and he's aiming from a building through a hole in a cement wall and getting dudes like 80 feet away like he's using his scope and everything and i was like

that feeling right there that will bring you back every freaking time it's like to ping you here when you hit a golf ball really well straight down down. That's like this deep down man cave thing that like, wow, I want to do that again no matter what it takes. Audio rewards are really important for me. Like in Call of Duty, there's this paper tearing sound you get when you hit someone with bullets

as they're hitting them. Yeah, hit marker sounds. Hit marker sounds. I love that. And those exist in paintball too. And at distance, you can't hear them. But if you're in a room and you can hear those, oh, that's a really rewarding sound.

And some of them sound different than others. Really solid hits. You hear those. It sounds so good, you shoot an extra three, you know. I love the sound of my own music. There's an Airsoft YouTuber that works a sniper rifle. And he's amazing. I've seen that guy's channel.

He puts hit markers like the visual and audio thing. The bullet travel time, I don't want to exaggerate, but it's like a second. You hear it shoot. He slows it down. I thought it was just travel time. Maybe Wolf is inside baseball. Sometimes he does actual time

and then he does a slow motion shot of the same shot after that. So you can see where he hits people. And that dude is insane. He edits it up. It's really cool. I like it a lot. It makes it look like snipers are the most important people on the field. It's probably not true.

Well, like real combat, they all have their purposes, right? It's funny. I'm not comparing paintball to real combat before all all have their purposes, right? Like, yeah, it's funny. And I'm not comparing paintball to real combat before all those sensitive people can start acting up. But everyone has like when I'm a general and I'm organizing a thousand guys, I've literally got snipers and headsets in their ghillie suits, you know, 100 yards from the enemy's base. And they're not even killing people. They're just reporting enemy positions. And then to see the general pop up, then they'll go, boom,. They're just reporting enemy positions. And then if they see the general pop up,

then they'll go, boom! That's a thousand points, sir. It just took the general out. Like that. And it's like, snipers are just as important as infantry when you have 50 guys running, trying to take over a base, or if you have grenaders running around with rocket launchers to take out tanks and blow up

buildings and stuff. They all serve their purpose, and it's amazing. It seems like one of those things that just like Call of duty like the reason that guy's videos are so good is because he is the team sniper and you know there's obviously people on the front line holding those people back at sniper range but if you put every sniper in everybody's hand it's just like those call of duty 4 lobbies where you just you get a couple of cool kills but you just get butt fucked anded and you love the thing but the thing about people is that not everyone can be a sniper everyone can say there's night but just like the real military again you have to be an extra better shape than everybody else because you're gonna

be able to run around the flank like twice the speed of everybody else for like you know three four hundred yards or a few acres before everybody else gets there then you get down in your hide and you shoot from that position so you got to move move move move with a big ass gun hot ass ghillie suit and you've got to be in better shape than everybody else so it's like you got a lot of kids who come to play paintball and they're like oh i'm gonna do this well i'm gonna do that then they realize how hard it actually is to do it. It's not like the video game.

You can't just put a perk on your character and be able to run without slowing down. It's test everything. You've got to be fit. If you want to play all day, you've got to be fit. We were talking about that earlier this week. I was saying I was in pretty good shape at the last event. I feel like I'm in shitty shape now, so I just started working out again. But you've got to be pretty good shape at the last event. I feel like I'm in shitty shape now. So I just started working out again. But you got to be in good shape.

Like if I thought that there were a big scenario game coming up, I would start working out six weeks in advance at least. Running every day and doing like fucking army carries and shit. Like getting ready to haul that big ass pack all day and like have my arms above my shoulders all day carrying 15 pounds. If you're serious about it, there is conditioning that you have to do because like when i played i just played this in a game in wasaga beach canada and i was like uh 80 degrees now i'm gonna be playing in los angeles in three weeks last time i played in los angeles it was 110 for two days straight and i kept my entire full gear on kit

everything jeez oh that sounds awful. That's the worst. It's like G. Gordon Liddy has this thing. He's like, you want to be a lawyer? You go to law school. You want to be a doctor? You go to med school. You want to be a soldier?

You hit the gym. There's a thing to that. Just like paintball. And it's, you know, but it also depends on how serious you take it. You know what I mean? Like there's a lot of guys who would just go out and shoot for 10 minutes and walk back have that umbrella drink at their desk and then go back out again later but i'll go out there stay out there for like hour and a half straight i've got my aqua pack on my back and i'm in the bush drinking it you know what i mean so it's what

you put into it you know i mean it's like sex it's there are guys who can have crappy sex but that's usually them. You know what I mean? Paintball is how much you put into it. Like I said, there's a lot of guys who can go play and say, hey, paintball wasn't that hard. But you'll find out they were just in the back just shooting. Oh, that's so frustrating. Running up was Kyle and Woody and trying to destroy bases. And Tyler's trying to hit the right flank.

You know what I mean? So it's all what you put into it, man. You gotta work. And don't slack around me, I'll tell you that much, because I'll call you out. No, don't, because I saw you call a few people out, and I was like, oh man, am I gonna get in trouble?

Is there a grade? I remember from one of those games it was so fucking yeah he comes over and snips it like he grabs your lanyard around your neck is tears it off like in the moves get out of here soldier dishonorable this lot with you no hot

this isn't a battalion for losers I remember one of those days it was so fucking hot like i just decided to go out and play in a t-shirt and like athletic shorts and i almost felt like bad about it because when i got back out there i kind of saw 95 of everybody else is wearing like full like they just got back from war or they're going hunting attire. And a couple of them, they were, at every single game, you know, there's the big first push of, like, the really fast people, and then there's the average people, like, in the big horde spreading out,

and then there is always three to seven morbidly obese men standing in the back, leaning backwards, dressed to the rafters, and then just firing up into the air. And it's as though, like, no one has told them throughout their 10 grand they've spent on paintball, hey, you know you're not hitting anybody there, right? And he's like, I know, I'm just too fat to be of use in the middle of the guy. It's just like, it was weird because I noticed the same guy because he would always lean back because his center of gravity was so off. The worst thing about those guys is when they hit you

in the back when you're trying to move up. Oh, the final battle is so goddamn much. That drives me insane. Because you're not expecting it. When you're in a gunfight in paintball and you're leaning out and shooting, you're like, you know in that moment. It could come any moment. It could come any

moment. It could come any moment. You know you're in danger. You're preparing yourself for pain. It's not even that bad, if I'm being honest. The ones that hurt are the ones I don't expect. When I get shot in the kidneys from behind while I'm jogging somewhere, or like you just said,

when somebody shoots you in the back of the head on your team, and you can't do anything. I don't want to curse at children. You can't tell in paintball how old someone is you just Be a guy who's five foot five and that could either be a really like a 13 year old kid or like a 40 year old woman you don't know and you're my first reaction is what the fuck is your problem come on that hurts like hell Everybody's reaction bro what I want to say, but I'm sorry mister Instead I go like hell like everybody's reaction bro that's what i want to say but i'm sorry mister yeah instead i go and that's that's all i do yeah and and

exactly i i i it's always unless it's a really bad hit like what he took to his forehead the pain is never like a tenth as bad as just the fucking frustration of being eliminated and knowing you have to sprint back and then run back again. Have you ever done that, Taylor? You don't sprint back. I did it the first two times. The first two times I got shot in that scenario event, I did go back. And then I was like, this is bananas because I'm spent.

This isn't a conditioning camp. I want to play some paintball. You must have been close to the insertion because I've never sprinted back. Yeah. It's too damn far to be sprinting back after getting hit for me. Sometimes you ride a bus back. Well, you never know. You've got to stay sprinting.

Yeah, when I get shot in the back. So at the final event, right, you've got to understand there's like a 500 versus 500 or maybe 750 versus 750 and in the middle there's a hump right so everyone's like pushed together there are of the 750 there's probably like 700 in the buildings cowardly back there and then 50 on the hill and i'm like one of those 50 i get shot in the back of the head for five seconds i am furious i am so it hurts and i couldn't be more angry at my own team shooting me there's refs all over the place so you're out you know you got to walk back and take a lap and your own teammate got you out it is i don't play that anymore what you're talking about is the final battle. Yeah, the final battle at CPX at Living Legends. I don't do it anymore.

I'll do the initial rush because I like running up there and hitting one, but I don't hang out on that hill anymore and I won't ever again because like you said, there are hundreds of people behind you of varying skill level and some of them don't understand the trajectory. And because

there's so many paintballs in the air it's hard to find your paintball sometime and and understand your trajectory if you're a noob so you kind of can't blame them because they're not being directed to do anything else nobody it's not like somebody's coming up and like tapping on the shoulder and saying hey get it 45 degrees here so you don't hit woody they're just like yeah die enemy scum and shooting you in the ass you know oh i just don't want't play back of the head it hurts a lot it hurts a lot yeah very if they're hitting me in the butt or the leg or something and that's all tolerable the back of the head it's a smack you feel that oh guys isn't some I

can do today can I give away a paintball gun in your show? If you'd like to. I mean, I'm happy to take it. I wanted to give away to one of your fans, though. How will we do this? Sure, I'm down for that. Yeah, how do we do it? I was going to say, maybe if they maybe subscribe on my channel and watch one of my videos,

and they could say I saw Wolf on PKA, then I could choose someone from the comments or something like that. All right. Wolf's top five kills. What is it called? Yeah, wolf's top five kills. Yep, released on August 25th.

Go there, say I saw a wolf on PKA, and you'll be eligible to win. What am I looking at? Proto Max die paintball marker. Oh, wrong thing brand new and i was gonna give it to to in a way another way but i'd like you know what i i'm so honored to be here that i wanted to do something cool for you guys so it's like this is a brand new speedball marker beginner marker straight up box still got plastic on and everything on it nice that is really nice it's it's it's a legit thing and i'm like you know what let me i'm so honored to be here that i was like

let me hook the guys up and it's like yeah just go on the wolf den on youtube go on the top five kills and say i saw wolf and and tyler and kyle and woody on pka or anything i saw pka and put you in a draw and i'll send it out to you if you win awesome you can tell it's a good one because it's like a metallic blue for those of you who are listening like they don't rent out the oh yeah yeah i know yeah yeah yeah yeah this Yeah, this is legit. And that one you probably the back, just Are you shooting anything, Trevor? I don't know. Are you shooting anything, Taylor? Just shake it. Dude, it was so funny.

Because you guys had that terrible gun, right? And I had a good, like, legit one in the same class that Wolf has given away. You guys were saying how much you were struggling with it, but in my head, in my heart, I felt like the real difference was the skill gap between all right i get i'm shooting a little faster but what difference does that make

and then i tried it look it's all curvy and you can't hit anything and if the curve was consistent you could work with it but no they just go anywhere yeah it's the accuracy as well as uh the uh you know the rate of fire and the liability it's just not a great marker in comparison with what else is on the field if everyone had tipmans then it would be a ball i would prefer that i would rather have everyone play tipmans than everyone have electronic markers it's it would better players would do better that's just what would happen happen. One of the main things I always say is that it's not

the marker, it's the man behind the marker. And it's a very legit thing where I, like sometimes in a game I will let a kid use my gun and I'll use his rental. And I'll still go out and destroy. So that skill thing has a very valid point to it. But at the same

time, if you you all skilled guys and You have varying ranges of markers, then the marker will make a difference I yeah, I hate to disagree with you It was just so inconsistent like you say like for one of them will go three feet to the left one three feet to the right It's like ah, so where do I hold? Shoot and it just goes whoo and like it doesn't even land it just goes up in a way cuz it's kind of like like you know when the Polish rode out on horses and World War one to fight

the Germans I'm sure there I'm sure the best horseman there got a couple kills. Maybe. But he couldn't compete. Even the dumbass idiot German in the worst tank was tearing through horses. So it's a little bit of the marker. In my opinion,

I think Wolf is right once you get to a certain level of marker. Once you get to a marker that shoots straight, like where you point it, then it's probably about the guy. Again, you have different ranges of tipments, right? Like you have the beginner ones that you rent and then you get, like, before I got

my die deal and stuff like that, I used a tipment and it had a thing called a flatline which spun the ball to make it go fast, farther, and straighter. So my Tippmann was badass, even though it wasn't electronic. So you can mod your own mark and all that.

I had that exact same thing on my Tippmann A5 when I was like 13, and that barrel on there, it looked kind of like a... Silencer. Yeah, like a silencer kind of, or like a big machine gun kind of barrel. Like, it was neat.

I never did that well with it, but I believe it. I liked those. I remember when they first came out, it was a cool little innovation. You know, it puts backspin on the ball, and it gives you quite a bit more range. I remember there was a scenario game in Florida somewhere where there was like a river separating the field in half, and there's a couple of bridges that are really big to control. But what you inevitably have, because you couldn't shoot over the river, was people would just be walking alongside the river single file to get to the bridges where the fight was going on.

But these guys had flat lines, and they were just, not today, and just really wailing on everybody who would normally take their casual walk because they could reach across. Now we have the first strike sniper rounds with the fins on them, and those guys, they'll go like three times the distance of a regular paintball. It's a whole different ballgame now. Yeah, I'm a big fan of the first strike stuff. Both the Tiberius pistols, I like those a lot.

They're actually accurate. And when I pull that thing out, I'm like, all right, I'm treating it like it's a pistol. I'm like, all right, let's aim and squeeze. What's that gun we've got? What's the gun that has the big square hopper it's my gun i can't think of the name of it the die damn yeah yeah yeah that thing's wonderful with the first you shot us with some first strike a few years ago kyle yeah you had that really legit like actual like ar-15 looking gun yeah that was a Tiberius rifle I think. Yeah I remember that, that was really funny. Those things stung right? I remember one kid

I shot with a collarbone. You cut my hand open. Yeah those little fins will get ya. I was there when you did that. And it's funny I called it out, I called my shot before I made it I was like, what's this? I'm going to shoot shoot murk doctor in the hand and you go it's funny because I came I was off the I was on the field and I came off and people are going wolf did you hear what FPS Russia did to some guy the first right ground I go Jesus Murphy someone gave him first strikes yep but their design you know we have this we're trying to do this thing in paintball where that you only shoot them from long distances not close quarters because they will hurt if you're close to another person yeah they're meant to shoot from like 100

yards or more you know what i mean so it's like but the thing is about paintball is that any it's about the adrenaline right any paintball gun like when you see people stand up and shit oh i'm gonna shoot my friend with a paintball gun it's gonna hurt it's gonna hurt a hundred times more than when you're actually playing because when you're playing you've got the gear on you've got the adrenaline running you're rushing everywhere yeah you know what you're you're expecting it you know what it's flying over the air so when you get hit it does not hurt nearly as much as just standing there and have having your friends shoot you so it's like two completely different things we used to

play this shitty game my cousin and i where we would uh we would stand about i don't know how far apart we started like 25 yards facing each other'd each put one ball in each of our guns, and then poom, poom. And then you take a step forward. And then we would just keep going. And after a while, we just didn't give a shit about getting shot anymore. We kind of mastered our fear of that pain. And I always felt like that was a real intimidation factor when we would get to these tournaments because we were 15 or 16, and some of those guys would be 14 or so and they were

legitimately afraid of getting shot you would hear them out in the parking lot how bad does it hurt oh it's real bad well well what if you get shot in the mask will it be okay and we would start playing our game over there just that just off to the side and then eventually they'd notice this and be like who the fuck are those people and why is that what what does that guy's shirt say i shoot children for fun dear god those are iron on letters frank put the kids in the car mythbusters did that they shot each other to see, I don't know what their myth busting was, but they were like pain tolerance or something. But who's the one that looks like a walrus?

Is that Adam? Jamie. Jamie. Yeah. Jamie was accurate and he was able to hit Adam in the same spot every time. And eventually he just like quit. He's like, God,

he's like, you know, not, not in the, not right here. Right there. No, no, no. And he's just not this spot again. Spot again. It was great. The game that Kyle said you were playing,

you wanna show me, let me show you a little toy we used to do that with. This is called, this was a double barrel goblin. It takes shells like that you put one paintball in and then we would like you know you get one shot with this to his double barrel so you get that and you do that we walk a couple pages boom let go one boom let go the other or you can do both shells at once so it's up to the guy if you wanted to take a chance to do the double shell or have one shot then another shot.

So little suckers like these, a lot of fun for stuff like that. That's awesome. I've never seen paintball like that. I wish more people would cosplay in paintball. I see it a little bit. It seems like the only place where it's really effective to be a

cosplayer because I feel like you'd have it's going to be practical and fulfill whatever cosplay people It makes sense, like, they don't want to ruin their outfit with paint, though. They do put a bunch of time, or I guess it washes out, right? They could dress as something else, like Wild West, if it's kind of ready for it.

Well, there are guys who do that. I love that kid at our last thing that was wearing the swimsuit. He was about 100 pounds overweight, and he had a bikini top. And I've still got the picture somewhere of me and Woody posing with him, and I'm grabbing his titty. I mean, this guy's got, like, B-cuffs for sure, and I'm giving him a good honk. It was ridiculous. He's wearing, like, this tie-dye bikini top, and then he's wearing bikini bottoms too, but he had underwear

under them, and he's just hanging out muffin tops everywhere, big rolls of fat. He was a very overweight guy, but he just didn't give a shit. He was just completely... There's a guy named Andrew that I play with and he only plays in a Deadpool costume.

And his mask is colored like Deadpool, it looks like a Deadpool. And he has two swords on the back that are like Nerf swords that he actually uses in games and stuff. And he runs his two pistols. And he's like, that's the only way he plays as Deadpool. And he's like legitimately good. That's one of the reasons I like. So there's this paintball airsoft battle. Each guy is a proponent of their own sport.

One of the cool things about paintball is people's willingness to dress up like a girl in a bikini, Deadpool, court gestures with the jingle bells on the hat. It doesn't matter what. The paintball guys just don't take themselves so seriously, and that's a notch in their favor to me. don't take themselves so seriously and that's a notch in their favor to me yeah it's like so i have an actual question about paintball that i remember this being like the horror story when i was like 14 of like oh man some people like freeze their paintballs and then they shoot them at you and i silly enough i never actually googled it or looked it up is that an actual thing that people used to do maybe um like i actually not to plug my show but i actually did a specific episode on freezing a paintball and shooting it and what happens and i froze uh like

five paintballs and i did them in different environment like i did one inside froze it inside of water i froze them on their own did and what happens when you freeze paintballs is that it makes the shell more brittle. So by the time you get it, even if it's solid frozen, after doing it for like two days straight, by the time you get it in your gun, go out to a field, try to shoot it, A, the shell has been messed up bad enough that it's not going to fly right, and it's just, it's not water. It's water-based paint inside of paintballs. So they're not freezing hard completely.

They're not going to freeze them all. They're just going to be gelatinous still. So it's going to break the, it's not even going to break as hard as a regular paintball. So it's a complete myth. If you really wanted to be a dick, you would get some reballs. You know, those are paintballs for indoor play that aren't paintballs at all. They're just sort of

like hard foam or soft rubber, however you want to look at it. And, you know, they'd bounce. I shot my wall in the other room and it dented the sheetrock. Yeah, so don't worry about frozen paintballs is a myth. There's a lot of nonsense out there. What if we shot

pinballs at each other? You know, the steel balls? Yeah, those are... You just shoot ball bearings at one another and kill each other? Yeah, that's not good. Well, you can buy pepper balls, pepper-sprayed paintballs for home defense now, right? Yeah, I've got some. They actually sell them as a whole different product.

Like, it's a gun, but you can use pepper balls, even though regular paintballers know it's one of these. TPX. And you can get pepper balls, put them inside, you shoot them out of someone's chest, a couple of them, they'll be crying in no time.

And I have the pepper balls for my Walther shoes. Sorry, say again? Nothing. Sorry, you were speaking, Kyle? I've got that Walther 25 millimeter paintball gun, and it shoots pepper balls, too. I think it's 25 millimeter. Have you ever been shot by one?

No, I haven't been shot by a pepper ball, but I would. My thought process is it can't be nearly as effective as a paintball unless you really deliver it on target perfectly. You've got to hit me, I feel feel like in this region with that thing for it because if you hit me in the ass like it's not like it made a 68 caliber ball has that much pepper that's gonna just and you guys think for it to work properly like up here yeah I agree this requires testing in a video I've seen what they do it's pretty pretty late. It's it I would rather get pet. I would rather get shot with that than pepper spray pepper spray

In your video like that he wasn't a man. Yeah It hurts real bad. It hurts real bad And it feels hot like heat like it feels like there's flames on your face. You can feel the heat radiating off like heat like it feels like there's flames on your face you can feel the heat radiating off um definitely good self-defense stuff i mean it's funny how different burns feel different like you get toothpaste in your eye and you're like ah this is a minty burn toothpaste in your eye it's never happened to you no i've never been that excited to get i'm an aggressive brusher and sometimes the toothpaste gets in your eyes. Maybe he's doing that motion like this.

Up and down. It gets on the mirror in the bathroom. It doesn't happen much. You don't need a sonic air or anything? Maybe it was a electronic toothbrush. I forget. But I've had toothpaste in my eye and it's a minty burn. Try it. You know what burns is sweat in your eye

when you get intimate. Anytime you get sweat in your eye actually it's that's a painful thing for some reason i don't know why it seems like bad design you know out there putting together people they like he wouldn't be like all right let's make the only things they can use to see really sensitive to the only thing that they excrete when they're working well he gave us eyebrows right yeah well i get my eyebrows do a great job keeping my eyes clean it's like uh this is the kind of wall trump wants to build and girthy you know this absorbs a lot of sweat but i don't know how I'm even talking about this. I like to know. You know, bro, ultimate power. Yeah.

Goodness gracious. So, Kyle, you've been watching. Kyle was saying he was really depressed by Oz after, like, two episodes. And I told him to keep watching until you get hooked. And are you at the point where you're hooked because you're interested in the story, or you just want to see if it could conceivably get any better for any of these people? I know it's not going to get better for anyone i am at season three uh so i've watched um i think i've watched three seasons of it i'm not positive that i have um maybe just two seasons something like that uh i'm in the third season explain to the people what oz is yeah yeah it's um it's a maximum uh maximum uh security federal penitentiary.

And the show is an HBO show, so it holds blood, guts, rape, language, anything you can imagine. I saw a man shit on another man's face after beating him senseless and then rubbed the shit into his face. And that wasn't even, that didn't even raise my heart rate. That was a down point on that episode. Yeah. That's just Wolf's ex-girlfriend. I saw a man file his fingernails

into Catwoman claws and murder another man with said cat claws. It is so dark and depressing and what keeps happening, it's getting a little repetitive for me, but I'll get over it, is like, you know,

one guy does something to a guy, they're constantly overreacting because none of them can handle any sort of stress or disrespect. They'll blow up and literally murder a man, cut his eyeballs out of his head, something like that. And then the next day they're like, well, I was just mad about my mom's you know i heard she wasn't gonna become seeing me anymore

so i cut his eyes out i'm so sorry and he really is sorry and you're just like wow these people really do need to be locked up forever that's the thing like you can't let these fuckers out and every now and then they will let one out he's right back the fuck in he'll go out and do some stupid shit and just gun a man down and be right back the fuck in there but the violence is just so much that like i would want to be in protective custody like that's where i'd want to be if like the if the option is protective custody and you're sitting across the street from like that woman on death row who wants to show you're a pussy every day or hanging out with schillinger and the fucking white supremacist who i mean they're doing her schillinger it's like your asshole you know hanging out with

that guy he's the worst he's probably the most evil uh guy in the show but all of them every character in the aryan brotherhood pardon them, every character in there. He's explaining to the guests. Yeah, he's Aryan Brotherhood. You're lucky. I'd have to find out who's Atavisi. Who's Atavisi? I think you'd have had your own boy. You know,

I think the three of us, me, Taylor, and Woody here, when we think about Oz, we're like, ah, we'd be somebody's bitch. But I think, if we're being honest, Wolf's like, ah, I'd get me a bitch. Real quick. Right? I think Wolf would lead something. Hold my pocket. Hold my pocket, homie.

Hold my pocket. That's great. I'm like an educated guy. I went to university and stuff. I probably go there for tax evasion. As soon as I get through those, I'd be like, Sup, son? Sup?

What you got, homie? I'd be like, what you in here for, wolf? Man, come on, man. I killed 50 people for the heck of it. It's all good. They see my mail. It comes from my little kid. I see my little girl's drawings.

No, that show is scary. Dude, it's so stiff. The thing is is i always put myself in the position of like how would i handle this right like like you know all right so now you're now you're in oz what are you gonna do and it's just like oh my god it's so terrible i i i i would be in a terrible spot i'd be fucked i wouldn't lead the aryan race. I would... I don't have any ideas. But you have to join somebody, right? Like, that's the thing in that place. I'd join, like, the black Muslims, I guess.

You know, I think I would, too. They seem like the best group. I think they would have us, Woody. Honestly, I think if you went to that black Muslim guy and were like, hey, I'm down for the cause. That's not al-Halaikum, brother. My heart beats dark and true.

There you go. That's not al-Halaikum, brother. I think maybe you could squeeze on in there, get yourself a kefi, get yourself a prayer mat, and just blend right on in. When you're on the outside, fucking tan up, brother. You can lay out there with one of those mirrors on your chest.

It's so hopeless. Like you're some six-year-old retiring in Florida. You want to get as dark as you can. You can steal one of the tinfoil covers from the commissary and have it in the yard like this. Yeah, yeah. That would get you beat up a lot, bro. 15 days into my incarceration, they're going to be like, Motherfucker's white.

He's white under there what the hell no man i'm hispanic man i'm from israel yeah you might be able to pull that one off yeah maybe no because i don't want to fall in with the area brotherhood because i feel like their whole message is hate it's not like hey guys let's band together and protect ourselves otherwise that group of black guys who's non-inclusive and that group of Latino guys who's non-inclusive is just going to kill us all, one by one. That's not what they're saying. They're saying, white power, Sig Heil, let's get it done.

Let's kill some, what do they call it, a roadkill. It's fucking awful when they killed that Jew and hung him upside down. And there's a scene where one of the characters looks like he's proficient in wrestling and maybe jujitsu too and he gets a guy and puts him in two arm bars breaks both of his arms or ligaments or whatever happened and bore snaps him and then they break his legs arms and legs break them all right yeah he decides to like stand up for himself he's gonna it's like you know what i'm gonna see where i rank in this right but do i have the scene right it's been a while since i've watched it it was on like the bathroom floor or something like that or the gym floor i don't

want to spoil it basically it was um you can't spoil it everyone's seen odds yeah yeah so so the the nazi guard set it up so that um he would go into a room where schillinger and um the guy who was honeydicking him uh would whip his ass together and break all of his limbs schillinger had the guy from law and order svu um had him like pretend like he was in love with this other man gain his love they become lovers and then the last minute he's like just fucking with you i never cared about you, you piece of shit. Come on,

wrestle me like we used to. And then this time he goes full speed with his wrestling and breaks all this guy's bones and leaves him crippled for, you know, months. I remember now rough show so much violence that sometimes it'll leave me feeling kind of sick to my stomach. It's not that I'm,

I can't look at, it's not from looking at too much gore. It's more like the depressive position. Do you think he never loved him and it was set up from the start or he changed allegiances? Cause I could never quite tell. Oh, they planned the whole thing.

Yeah. It's clear from the start. So, so what happened was Schillinger tells him, Hey, go honey, Dick, this guy for me,

that'll be the way to tear his world apart because he has set me up and given me like 10 more years. I can't go to my sons. It kind of ruined Schillinger's life. They go back and forth of ruining each other's lives. But he had to go honeydick him. But what happened was while honeydicking him, Law & Order SVU actually fell in love with that guy. And despite the fact that he betrays him and breaks all of his bones, after the guy heals up and comes back, he's like, you know, I legitimately feel bad about this. I do love you.

So that's kind of how that thing went down. And where I'm at right now, we're about to see what's going to happen to Law & Order SVU because he's out of protective custody. I predict something bloody. SVU because he's out of protective custody. I predict something bloody. One of the worst things about that show and one of the best things about that show is the one character, the guy who went

to jail for drunk driving. He was like the most innocent guy. He's the guy who sharpened his nails. But his, what he goes through is like just to see the beginning to end of his character and what he has to go through is insane. Like, and he's like the most innocent guy, innocent guy, because, you know, it's a drunk driving thing.

Horrible. He killed a kid or something like that. But he's an accountant and went to like hardcore jail. And like, wow. I think his story is probably. Yeah. You see, the whole show is meant to show you the failures of the prison system in different ways and how it fails different people in different

ways from the child who's brought in when he's 16 years old and how it ruins his life to that guy you just discussed who comes in as a drunk driving lawyer who killed a little girl he goes from someone who committed a terrible crime but is a relatively clean, morally speaking individual otherwise to doing heroin and cocaine and marijuana and being raped and becoming a rapist and becoming an uber-violent psychopath who will shit on a man's face, beat you bloody,

cut your throat, just a wild man. He loses his soul. You know, that place is, that show's a little depressing, I'm telling you. I'm going to watch it all. Jesus, Murphy. And I have a hard time watching it. Well, that's the thing, though. It makes you want to go back for more.

Like, it was like, Jesus. And then we were speaking, you have a show like that, and then you have a show like Orange is the New Black, which is like the complete opposite. Do you guys watch Orange is the New Black, though? I don't, but I know the premise. Oh, you don't watch it? Oh, okay. I don't want to give anything away then. I don't feel like Wolf is on target with this.

I mean, there's like legit women worried about getting murdered. There's murders in there. There's, like what happened to Piper? No, there's not. It's's murders in there. There's... What happened to Piper? It's not murders like Oz. It's like maybe one or two per season. Yeah, that's true. They kill like 15 people that first season. They chop up a body and hide it in the garden

as fertilizer. Did they feed anyone glass for an entire season until they started excreting blood? That's the most surprising thing about Oz. The most surprising... The most surprising thing about Oz. The most surprising thing about Oz is how little deliberation goes into the murders. I feel like if you were in a gang,

like if you're the Sicilians or whatever, they'd be like, hey, fucking other BCs ruining our business here. They'd be like, well, we can't kill him because of this. But really, that's just shit like, you know, he looked at me funny. Fucking kill him. And it's like, that's it. There's no deliberation, no thought

process. You know, if the Aryans think that they just see a Mexican guy they don't like, they're like, yeah, that's one of those mouthy beaners. And then they go and just murder him. But there is some politics to it, though. There is. Because they're like like we can't kill this guy because he's this guy's wife and he's got the connection outside to this and you know what i mean so there is some politics

to it so but you know that if they bring in a new character that he's going to be gone pretty soon yeah but i mean like sometimes i'll bring bringing like a someone from the outside world like a celebrity you know from like ll cool j or something yeah exactly you know he's gonna die pretty soon like geez but it's it's brutal bro yeah i've definitely been enjoying it uh are there six seasons or so something like that so i'm looking forward to seeing how this thing ends in the end i'm sure that it's not it's gonna be depressing like maybe the white guy gets free but he realizes that life on the outside is just worthless at this point like who fucking cares i liked it better on the inside he probably goes and re-offends in some stupid way you know it's not going to be a happy

ending to this this little show if anybody didn't want to stay on the inside it would be that guy though like he was there for all of 15 minutes before he was having a swastika branded on his asshole and being claimed as J.K. Simmons. It wasn't right on the asshole, though, just to be clear. It was on the cheek. Yeah. 15 minutes, that's hyperbolic, right? He was there for days before that stuff happened, right? Maybe three of the cops.

It was as soon as he got in. It was like day one day two something like that because he comes in and atabisi is like i am gonna be taking all of your shit and he's like he's like your shit is my shit and he's like fuck and then schillinger comes over he's like atabisi giving you a shit yeah he tried that with me too you should ask to get moved and he and he's like oh yeah i will he goes and asks to get moved they should ask to get moved. And he's like, oh, yeah, I will. He goes and asks to get moved. They move him right in with Schillinger, who's like, you're going to need a swastika on your ass.

Like, right away. Frankly, I don't rate people without swastikas on their asses, and it's a real selling point for me. So I'm going to have to ask you to lay down. And it was just horrible to watch, because the way Oz is, is you're in Emerald City, they call it, where it's nicer than Gen Pop. And everybody's in, like, a fish tank looking thing where it's all glass, no bars.

And I was like, oh, okay, nobody's going to be getting raped in their fish tank. Like, you could see through that. They'll be like, hey, get that out of there. Like, that's what they're going to be doing. But no, no, those guards really are not on point. The guards are scarier than the inmates to me because at least for the inmates, they're going to be doing. But no. Those guards really are not on point. The guards are scarier than the inmates to me. Because at least for the inmates, they're a known quantity, and you know that

this guy will fuck me over at a moment's notice, but as long as we're on equal footing and he has as much to gain from me as I do from him, we're going to be cool together. He won't kill me. He just won't. But with a guard, you don't know what their motivations are. They could just be cruel and unusual and want to beat somebody down that day.

They could be giving you a reprisal for something that happened in another fucking jail somewhere else or something that happened on another side of the prison. Whenever that, after the riot, like everybody gets a beating. Even the people who were just cowering the whole time, they get handcuffed behind their backs and they walk a gauntlet of correctional officers with sticks and just pounding them to death. It's rough. Meanwhile, on Orange is the New Black,

you get a whole bunch of freaking supermodels, like four fat chicks, and it's like... They're not all... That's not true. Oh, come on. Like, Piper gets there. She immediately... I forget if she stands up for herself or asserts herself or something. But the Russian lady doesn't like her.

So she starves her for weeks. Janeway? Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah, Captain Janeway. And, yeah, she goes weeks and they don't give her any food. They give her buns with nothing in between them. They put a maxi pad instead of a chicken patty in her food. Oh, yeah, that's so bad.

Oh, man. How many... They starved the Latino guy until he went insane and hung himself. Exactly. Okay, Oz wins. You're right. They took his medication away because it was too expensive. Yes.

That reminds me of the time in Oz where they wanted to teach a guy not to say anything else to the block leader. And so they cut his arm off. Dude, they're feeding the guy glass until he dies. And then they just left him in the same cell block with the people who cut his arm off. And they just leave him in there. He's just now one-armed Ted walking around. Everybody's like, hey, fucking Stumpy, like making fun of him.

I don't think feeding a guy glass would work. You cut my arm off. fucking stumpy, like making fun of them. I don't think feeding on glass would work. Feeding on glass, like if there's a tiny bit of sand in my food, then I instantly notice. Yeah, I thought the same. Yeah. When I was watching that, I was thinking like you would have to get that glass much finer consistency than

could be achieved with a large tomato sauce can on a metal, like a stainless steel table, which is what they were doing. They would take, and where do they keep getting all this glass? Like, they need to be smashing glass and crushing it up all day every day to feed this guy. But they crush it up by rolling this metal can over

shards of glass, and they put the fine powder in his food, and then he dies, like, after months of this. And it seemed like a terrible way to die, but I'm with you, Woody. I would detect that. And hey, if you're in prison, you're gonna be like, this can't be good someone is trying to kill me oh shit the Lays corporation is really gonna pay up you know it was at a BC that guy over there looking at you through the crack because he wants

you to die that guy right there grinding the glass up. It's not a big mystery. To play devil's advocate, first of all, it's prison food. So your mashed potatoes aren't going to be nice and creamy. But he's the Don. He's getting the special meal. I guess so. And usually if they're in prison, they're eating and they're like,

you know what I mean? So it's not like – I can't remember specific scenes. I don't know if he had a nice wine glass at Chianti and, you know, knife and fork, taking his time, but maybe he just, you know, he's old. Maybe he just didn't know, you know what I mean? Well, they gave his son rat poison. He was easier to get rid of. You know what they didn't do that I thought would be a good idea?

Is way too many people get killed by free weights. I think they would have moved over to machines in that gym by now. Don't you think so? Because you can't be leaving giant kujols around for convicted violent felons to use on one another. Because that's all it is. It's just some jacked Nazi bench pressing. And then some other guy from the homeboy gang will come over and start talking shit and then they're in a big duel with 10 pound dumbbells with each other when it could have just been a chest press machine and then they

could have had a fist fight on the basketball court that's all i'm saying oh they would have figured out how to kill someone with a stair climber somehow in the machine and start stair climbing. Ow! Ow! Ow! The awful slow death of the treadmill. Is it like sandpapers your body away? Grab it down! Yeah, that was a... Shows like that always make you think what you would do in prison, and I was... My thought was always like, alright, if I was going there

for life, I'd have to somehow get in with the Nazis and just go in like oh man like Like I'm so glad all you guys are here like just some more white people to hang out with like we're the best am I right? Like but like if you're only there for like five years Or three years or something you wouldn't want to join a gang or anything, but how would you survive? Couldn't you get it with the Italians? That didn't work out so well for Ed Norton on American History X. No, it didn't, but he turned on the Brotherhood, though.

No, no, no, yeah, he turned on them after he was attacked. No, he was raped because he was getting buddy-buddy with that black guy in the laundry, right? No, he didn't. He got raped just because he was there. Yeah. I'm telling you, watch it again.

That's why he was so upset about it. Wolf is right, yeah. that's why he was so upset about it wolf is right yeah that's why he was so that's why he felt so that's why he was so mad because he thought he was one with his people and they turn on him that's how it didn't know any that none of that him and I got in the laundry room on their own they didn't know about it he was mad because he was like he was one of them and they turned on him in the shower I thought they raped him because he was turning away from the Aryan Brotherhood. He was just knew me Trust me. I love that movie. I've seen a lot of times. He watched it again. It's a great movie

Okay, but yeah That's kind of the feeling I got from that movie is like That's why he was so distraught is like he thought it was like this one big team of white guys and then he goes in there and he realizes, oh I'm just kind of a part of a big group of shitty people and this is eye-opening now. Like, I don't know.

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When you decide to sign up for Squarespace, make sure to use offer code PKA to get 10% off your first purchase. Squarespace, build it beautiful. Very cool. Build it beautiful. You know what? I was thinking about the gang thing,

Kyle, and I was picturing you more as the Ryan O'Reilly. The guy who's really not in a gang that's huge, but he's just very manipulative and tries to slither his way around. He plays a game that I would be afraid to play. I really would.

He walks such a fine line. He's always just thinking a couple moves ahead and he's always just like hey me and you are tight now but that other guy he's gotta go meanwhile he's trying to kill both of you like he's poisoning you and framing you for the poisoning like it's he's such a

manipulative guy and he does some outrageous outlandish shit both in and out of the prison um adding his brother to the show is an interesting dynamic are you talking about the guy who's now on the insurance companies commercials yeah mayhem now he's mayhem yeah he's mayhem yeah he's awesome bro i love yeah i liked him in that show he just the way he would just go and like manipulate and fuck with people and not even like small timers he'd go up to like, manipulate and fuck with people, and not even, like, small-timers.

He'd go up to Adebisi and, like, try and trick him. And then he'd go straight from that cell and just brazenly walk down to Pancomo, that gigantic Italian cell, and trick him, too, knowing that that guy could literally eat him. And that guy, he was the exception to the world because he was on his own and didn't need any gangs or anything. Which guy? What are we talking about? He wasn't in a gang or anything.

He was on his own. He survived by his willpower. He was the Irish leader. Through the entire show, there was never an Irish gang. It was maybe five Irish guys. It was him and his mentally handicapped brother.

Like that's the Irish. Whenever they had the boxing match. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So whenever they had the boxing match, he's like, luckily his brother fought Golden Gloves. But wouldn't his boxing skills be diminished? You know, like he got conked over the head, and now suddenly he seems to have an IQ of, you know, 60.

But he's still fucking throwing problems. Those combos are clean. His footwork is good. He didn't lose any of that. Literally muscle memory, though, right? Some of it is, but not the footwork. It just seems like it would take the edge off his skill set, wouldn't it? Yeah.

I mean, I'll admit his form might be good, but there's a lot of ring craftsmanship that's going on there. Yeah, that's going on there. Yeah, that's true. I didn't know about that. There's an AMA question here. What is one thing you want to do before you die? Just one thing we want to do?

What is the one thing you want to do before you die? Are we talking sexual or what? That's all it says. I want to do that thing where it's not hand gliding. They wear that flying bodysuit thing. Wingsuit. Yeah, I want to do that thing where they, it's not hand gliding. They wear that flying bodysuit thing. Wingsuit. Yeah, I want to do that. Yeah, that might be the thing you do right, right before you die.

Right. Is it seconds before you die? Yeah, that's one thing. I've seen some amazing video on that. I want to try that. Yeah, our friend Richard Ryan does that. Apparently, you've got to do 200 regular jumps before you're allowed to do that. Yeah, but he said if you're serious about it, you can get those 200 knocked out in a week.

Just going up and down over and over. I don't know. That's a tough question. I sound like an asshole saying it, but I've done a lot of stuff that I wanted to do. I guess there's maybe some travel that I would like to do, but I only want to do it because it's not really on my list. I don't want to necessarily go to this place or that

place. I just think that I should. I know I'm not going to get some huge amount of enjoyment out of it. I just want to say that I have more than anything. I'm having a hard time thinking of some little sexual... It might broaden who you are if you left the country more. Have you left the country yet?

Not yet. Wait, you've never left the country? We went hunting one time, but we didn't do anything. Where'd you go? Tina. Where? Tina. You land, you drive to a thing, you shoot,

and then you're back at the airport and you're back out again. So we didn't get to do anything. You've never gone to the UK or Australia? She goes to the UK all the time. She's got family there. She's got a place to stay there. And I've wanted to go a lot. But every time I see how much those flights cost,

it's like, ah, Jesus, we're really jumping in with a lot of money here right off the start i think you can get to europe cheap if you're really flexible on the dates like you can find a trip the other thing is she flies in this really fancy schmancy like sweet thing and i wouldn't want to fly alone like all by myself when she's up in her capsule or whatever. But, um... Now, as an adult, I haven't done any of that. You ever gone to Hawaii? An island somewhere? No.

Seriously? Stop knocking a wolf! Leave the man alone! I went to Texas one time. I've been all over the contiguous United States. I think me and Chiz added it up the other day,. I've been all over the contiguous United States. I think me and Chiz added it up the other day, and I had been to like 44 states or something like that. Yeah, a lot of driving racks up the numbers.

Yeah. You know what? We've got to do a road trip. You guys have got to come with me to Jamaica. I'll take you to the mountains. I'll take you down to the beaches. Go down to Hedonism Hangout. You've got to change that, brother.

Come on now. That'd be fun. Road got to change that, brother. Come on now. That'd be fun. Road trip to Jamaica. Telling you, bro. We'll take care of you. That's how it works. You know what's on my list? As far as the one thing you want to do before you die, I can't think of a great one either.

But I would like to paramotor. It's a thing people do by that Christ the Redeemer statue in Brazil, in Rio. You know the big thing with the arms out? People fly around that thing all the time. That seems like a cool bucket list item. I could do that. That would be pretty neat. Do you think they'd be timely in coming

to help you if you got tangled on the Redeemer? Because I don't feel like they're on point with that. I think you need to reserve. Find some way to jump and toss that thing. There are some things you don't do like they're on point with that i think you need to reserve find some way to jump and toss that thing there are some things you don't do in third world countries like you don't go bungee court courting you don't right you know i mean like this particular thing is the thing people like i mean there's a facebook paramotor group and people are all the time fucking flying around that statue it's uh yeah there were times like that's something you realize

at like when i was younger we went to like um we've been to jamaica and so you go there and you do all the little like activities out in the ocean where they're like hey you want to go snorkel in you want to go scuba diving you want to look at sharks or whatever and i was young enough at the time to be like okay this is just like being off the coast of florida or something where these are all trained professionals who are going to walk me through this and everything will be safe. Looking back now, and even then, looking at them, I'm like, these don't quite look like the people that

would be on the dock in California or Florida. These just look like a few gentlemen who hopped on a shitty boat and picked us up off the beach. And that's really what it is. They come to you and they're like, yeah, you're safe to just hop on in right there, man. You are safe. It's like, are you sure?

Oh, I've jumped in many times. I've been fine every time. It's like, oh, that's not convincing or helpful. But lack of regulation. Cheaper, fun things to do if you're a risk taker. There you go. Yeah. It's funny because let me tell you, I went to Bali once.

And this was on my honeymoon many, many moons ago. I'm not married anymore. But I went to Bali. I'm one of those guys, I can't stay on the reservation. I like to explore cultures. I like to experience real stuff. And I was at Bali. I was staying at the Ritz, kind of expensive place to stay.

So I was like, the ex-wife was asleep. And I was saying, you know what? I'm really cool with the the concierge i said you know what let me go to him see what's up so he goes hey sir let me how you doing what they get for you i go yeah i want to go out i want to go to a local party and he goes oh yeah well on the resort we have this i got i got brah listen to me all right i want to see rio valley i want to see let me get in with the locals and he was like he dropped the axe and he goes let me tell you brother Let me go. I call my friend. You can't pick you up

Give him $100 American you go anywhere you want. So go let's hook it up. You know And so he called this guy. Dude comes up in this little car, little van thing. I hook him up with some cash. He goes, all right, man, I take you to a good spot, okay? You come with me, but don't leave my side, okay? And he takes me down to this party, and I go into this. He goes, okay, I'll be out here waiting for you. I go in.

I see a couple Australians party. I come out. Dude, what's this touristy crap I go what are you talking about no no no this is like there's white people in there I just thought that I go okay okay you come with me and everything I go all right let's go take me drop you off at a white place for you so gracious yeah pretty much the touristy place right so I'd like me kept driving drove for like 45 minutes went to this little seedy neighborhood okay we went from like wow no i go to this party i thought it was a party so i'm walking down there i i there was something lost in the

translation translation because i'm walking he goes okay he goes here you go don't show them your watch i just keep walking that way you'll see i pictured the opening scene like the scene from dirty dancing wolf is barely able to hold two watermelons bro listen i gotta i get out and um i'm walking down this party and it's like a wooden fence and there's women lined up along both sides of the fences. They're leaning on the fence looking at me and they're speaking the language and everything like that. Cha-cha, cha-cha, $20, $20. No, no, I'm good, I'm good.

And I go and I knock on the door. Guy opens the slider thing and straight out of a movie. He goes, who sent you? I go, oh, so-and-so from the cab. He opens the slider thing and straight out of a movie he goes well who sent you I go oh so-and-so from the cab he opens the door I walk into the party and this is the underground house music playing lights and it's your whole bunch of girls ridiculously hot girls like like tens twelves this is la ten all right and these guys, and I'm the only, I'm not only

North American, I'm like the only black guy these guys have ever seen. And, um, you know, I'm just walking around, I'm kind of like dancing with a couple of girls, I want to dance and stuff like that. And then I just see these guys in the wall looking at me like this.

Like that. And then this one guy, guys in the wall looking at me like this. Like that. And then this one guy, little guy, comes up to me. Little guy, a couple tattoos. He goes, I missed you. That's a nice watch you have. Nice watch you have. And I'm wearing my Omega Seamaster at the time. And I go, thank you, thank you.

And I had on dog tags, my paintball dog tags. And they were just the fake ones. And then another guy comes up. Hey, hey, hey, you soldier? You soldier? And I go, yeah, yeah. I am a soldier. He goes, OK, OK, we leave you alone then.

Like that. At that point, I'm like, OK, it's time to go. I just did the Olympic walk run thing. And he walked out. Hey, good to see you. Have a good night. I turned into a white guy really fast. I'm like, hey, you have a great night.

It's good seeing you guys. Have a good life. I'm good to go. And I got in the cabin and go, what the hell did you put me into? And he goes, they didn't rob you? I'm like, dude, take me back. He's like, I's like i got take me back to the australians no just take me back to the hotel this is my experience for the day i'm good to go and i was like dollars back i was like you know what he got me out of there a lot but i'm good

i'm like i was cake at that point but it was something it was it's funny. Some of the stuff you walk out of that you have no idea what you walk into. I'm the exact opposite. You could not have fucking paid me to leave the resort we were on in Jamaica. Because from, like, our room up there, I could look over and be like, wow, you can see abject poverty as far as the eye can see. And then you can see those same people having to serve some millionaires down there, some watered down rum and

cokes. And so you know there's quite a bit of resentment there. And I do not want to be asking one of those guys to, you know, hook me up with a party out there where I walk around as like some, you know, the one white goober trying to fill myself with culture. And like, you know, they'll like me. I just have to go in with

an open mind and they'll know that I'm on their team when really it'd be just robbed immediately. You got that one braid in your hair with like three beads long. You got the bongos. You're walking around. I read. I read.

Next thing you know, you're getting shanked like you're in Oz. They're gonna to air... What do they call it? Air-holing you or something? Where they get the tracheotomy with a fucking shiv? You're not making me want to travel much at all. When you go around people who are that poor,

it can be dangerous to even have $50 in your pocket. I don't want to get beaten up over $50, much less killed. Wolf, I don't know why you had your watch on you. You didn't at least slip it in your pocket? This was before you had smartphones. I actually needed to know the time. Okay. Yeah, but I think...

This is like the early 90s, man. I bet you would have taken that watch. I bet the guy who was driving you, who said, like, don't wear your watch, I bet he was hoping you would take your watch off, leave it in cab and then he would just leave yeah it's well you know what i don't think he could because it was like i think it's the relative i know right it's the relative of the guy who worked at the hotel so i would have had to you know found someone right so i was like but yeah it but it's i go to jamaica i go off reservation i went to cuba i went off reservation that was fine um like all over the wherever i, I went off reservation, that was fine.

Like all over the, wherever I've traveled, I've done it. That was the first time I was like legitimately watching. This is a question for William Taylor. Do you think it's easier for Wolf as a black man to do these things he's talking about than us as a Caucasian North American? I feel like a white American is, it's much, we really stick out if we're in a like a white American is it's much we really stick out if we're in a Bali a nightclub you know and the music is going on and like like Woody's over there

breaking it down yeah they're not gonna ask him if he's a soldier they're they're just gonna take his shoes and that's gonna be the end of it you know yeah what would I do I'd be sitting by the bar anybody a hockey fan anybody want to talk about the blues you know yeah how's your team season Yeah, what would I do? I'd be sitting by the bar. Anybody a hockey fan? Anybody want to talk about the Blues?

How's your team season going? I feel like Wolf can easily wear the disguise of a local. All he has to do is not talk and act like he belongs. Here's the funny part, though. It depends where you are. First of all, black guys are scarier looking except russians well it depends what i'm saying is is track suits are intimidating russians are their own category yeah yeah that's the whole different thing about black guys are i would feel more comfortable doing that there than i would like i would never go backpacking in europe like a lot of my uh

caucasian counterparts have done. What's scary about that? You know what I'm saying? That does make sense. It depends on where and when the situation is. I don't know what he's saying. How come I don't get this? If he goes to Jamaica

as a black guy, he's going to have it easier there. We'd have it harder there. If we all take a Russian vacation, it's going to it easier there. We'd have it harder there if he goes if we all take a Russian vacation It's gonna be way easier for us three to wander around then it's gonna be for wolf to wander out if we go to you Anywhere like Eastern Europe or something like it just depends on where you're going. I think is what you're saying, right? Yeah, if it's like one of my some of my friends in college went backpacking through Germany and Sweden and Latvia and whatever I was like, okay,

you do that because I can't do that as a solo black guy and do that over there because, you know what I mean? But if I'm in a place, if I'm in Puerto Rico, would he really? You don't get that? You don't? You get what he means? Seriously, no one's going to fuck with you because of the implication.

I wouldn't be at all scared as a black guy hiking around. I've seen that from a black guy. I think that you think that being a black guy is like a superpower like like you know that wolf can't fly or anything right like he can't bend steel bars i mean he's a little you know he can't do those things but i think that wolf and all of us know that if like three latvian dudes who don't like black people at all see him somewhere talking to some white girl at a cafe, they might follow him out to the alley and gut him. Exactly. Yeah, if he's walking through the streets of Moscow

and a bunch of guys in tracksuits hammered with shattered vodka bottles are in their hands, they can look at him and go, ah, that guy does not have a lot of friends around here and he's clearly just looking around. Eastern Bloc guys, Polish guys, those guys are hardcore, man. They don't, you know, mess around. And I know a lot of guys from different sides of the street,

but there's serious stuff that happens that I would not test. If you go full on Eastern Bloc, I'm starting to appreciate the danger. But we said Germany, which I picture, like, you know, the West Germany side. Where that woman was shed to death last week. A nice place like Germany. I wouldn't want to go to Germany right now. It happens everywhere, man.

Now is not the best time to be visiting Germany. I'm sure their tourism numbers are down. I bet people are coming to see the show. I'm saying in general, as a black dude, it's easier to go to certain places than other because, you know, as a black dude it's easier to go to certain places than other because you know

when I went to China I'd be more intimidating there than I would be in one of the European places I was talking about does that make sense? yeah Chinese people are very racist apparently I'd like to go somewhere where I'm much taller than everyone else

I feel like maybe Japan or Taiwan or somewhere like that would be cool. North Korea. Where do they have the ladyboys at? Maybe Thailand? Thailand. Yeah, yeah. Get some ladyboys. Get some stuff like that going on maybe.

I generally think it would be funny walking through the crowds and being like a head above everyone else. You see that in like – there was that old movie, Mr. Baseball, I think, where they trade Tom Selleck to like the Japanese shit baseball team. And he's like wearing his cowboy hat or something like walking down the street. And he's literally head and shoulders above every other human being in sight.

And I don't know, I think that might be fun. It's not like I'm 6'4 or something, but still, I think at 6'1, I'm a lot taller than the average Japanese man, maybe? Yeah, I'm sure you are. But even then, Japanese people, they got the Yakuza, right? They got some dangerous fuckers. You don't want to be some gangly white fucker just traipsing around Tokyo.

No, but Yakuza does not go after random people like that. Like, that's the same as the Italian mob. They're not just going to go after random people. I mean, Russian mob guys are crazy. I've got a Yakuza story. So we're in Tokyo, and I'm with Joe Lozon and, like, his camp, right? So all of Joe's friends, aside from me, are, like, professional fighters or guys who've just been training for decades and stuff.

And I don't know. We're out,'re out like just whatever living it up in tokyo and they decide that they want to get into a fight with yakuza people apparently this is something they arrange like twice a week yeah jesus yeah so um you know joe's like fuck it yeah this will be great you know because he fought pettis and it didn't go his way. He's like, I'm going to leave here on a fucking win, one way or another. And there's a guy named Chris Palm. Brandon, all those guys, they want to fucking fight people. And I'm sheepishly also pretending that I want to fight a Japanese.

Yeah, me too, guys. Yeah, yeah. That'll be great. Maybe there's a little one. Yeah, me too, guys. Yeah, yeah. That'll be great. Maybe there's a little one. Yeah, bring me a jack. This is for Pearl Harbor. And professional fighter Roxanne Matafari is giving us this tour. I think it was her.

We had two guys on two different days. And she, by the way, is fighting for a title like this weekend. she by the way is fighting for a title like this weekend but um uh so she's like calling people like trying to arrange yakuza to like come and fight with us and like it it lasted for like an hour and a half like it was it was up in the air as to whether or not we could find gangsters that wanted to fight like you know ufc fighters and training partners and shit and thankfully they were unable to find anyone who wanted to throw down did you act really bummed out like oh yeah yeah no one to fight gosh darn it to heck you know do you think you would do that at most like if he had a fight in Russia, would he want to go like,

hey, let's find some Russian mobsters and start a fight? Or is it just like, it's Japan, maybe you've got to bank on that honorable thing and hope that they don't bring a knife. That martial arts tradition that these people supposedly have based on our kung fu movies. I really would have fought. If they had an appropriate opponent for me, like, alright, this guy, he's like, whatever, 18 or something. He's not some...

I would have been like, alright, I'll take my chances. I wouldn't go first. I wouldn't go first. Yakuza, like, literally the guys responsible for organized crime and drug trafficking, weapon trafficking in China, like the biggest criminals, are sitting around like, how much heroin did you move in?

60 kilos. Good. Oh, by the way, Joe Lozon wants to rumble. Should we go? I don't know. Maybe. They made it sound like they did a fight club twice a week, and it was just the wrong night.

Maybe they organized a fight club. That makes more sense, right? That some organized criminals are organizing a fight club so that they can profit off makes more sense right like that some organized criminals are organizing a fight club so that they can profit off the betting or something like that yeah i don't know that's my accuser story i didn't fight no one did lord forbid one of you guys take one of them down and he loses face in front of his friends yeah that'd be great then the shulkin start flying. You're just standing there watching Kyle, and suddenly you get that ridiculous 80s movies kung fu look.

And then your head just falls off. Nice and clean-like. Yeah, I wouldn't want any part of that either. Honestly, I think I would like to go to Amsterdam because I'd like to see all the prostitutes and the naked ladies in the windows and see all the crazy drug use and stuff and see what that's like. And I've seen pictures of the place, and it's absolutely beautiful. I think Amsterdam would be fun. I've always wanted to see Australia,

but there's too much shit there that wants to bite you, so I'll just skip out on that one. There's just too much poisonous shit there. They really need a can of Raid down there in the southern hemisphere. I don't know what the fuck their problem is. It's an island. Why can't they exterminate some of that awful shit they've got on it? There's some animals that are just

so horrible. Can't we just capture three or four and then get rid of the rest? Wouldn't it be bad to do genocide on wasps? Because they're like a useless creature on the planet. Yeah. What do they do?

Like, what's their benefit? Do they do anything other than annoy you? Kill spiders and stuff. They don't pollinate or anything. They don't pollinate. They eat meat. Wasps eat meat. They're winged ants, basically.

And, you know, especially the ones that make those, you know, the honeycomb-looking nests out of chewed-up wood pulp. I don't know what the different kinds are called, but we've got five different kinds here. Some look like yellow jackets, some are red, some are bright red. Isn't there a zombie wasp that goes inside of dead prey's bodies

and animates them? They're definitely already parasitic like insects that do that. I know that there's this one kind of wasp. We call them dirt daubers. I don't know what they're actually called, but they're black. And they captured small spiders and stinged them and paralyzed them

and then entombed them inside their nest and leave them there for their larva to eat alive. So those things are pretty awful. Whenever you break apart their nests, you can see like tons and tons of little bitty baby spiders in there just like let me out like they have to oh straight from the fly waiting on the next maggot to come along and liquefy their eyeballs or whatever happens to them it's it's being a human being is so fucking nice man like

like it could be a real horror movie ah existence could be a real horror movie. Ah, existence could be a real horror movie. You know, if we were anything but us. Anything but us and life is fucking not even 1% as good. Like, maybe a dog. Maybe, like, being a dog, I think, is the next best thing to being a human. In North America. In North America, for sure. You go over to Vietnam or Korea or something like that, they'll be chowing down on your ass.

But over here, I think dog is the best. I bet being a cow in India is a pretty good animal existence. Yeah. If you're in the middle of the road, they think that you have a spirit of their ancestor in it or something, so they won't run you over. They'll drive over a dog instead of hitting a cow. Yeah, which is just crazy. Take one look at a dog and one at a cow. One's a lot of fun, the other one's just food.

Well, depends where you come from, right? In perspective, I suppose. I think if you're ISIS, cows are a lot of fun. Goats. Goats? Goats, yeah, okay. Yeah, really, anything but us in the animal kingdom would suck to be. Even the next echelon.

Harambee got killed just because there was a bad parent nearby. Yeah, that's true. You know? That's absolutely true. I wish that meme would die just like that gorilla did. It's just silly. I don't care about the gorilla. I don't care about the meme.

You know, do it as long as you want Did you see the recent story on that? That they had to close down all their People are crazy What's with the internet man? I don't get it The internet's wonderful But when you try to silence it or try to gag it It really hates that

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watch. They're good-looking watches. They're heavy. By Jurassic Park standards, they're expensive, but they're not. Do you know if any of are waterproof? I don't know, actually. I'm sure some of them are.

You have to check them out. I'll take a proper look. I wouldn't be swimming or anything. The ones I looked at were more in the dress watch style. If anything, because of the quality, they're so heavy, it would just weigh you down. You'd never make it. All righty, then then there you go um me and taylor and chiz

finally played our first game of civilization uh last night what did you think of it taylor because i didn't even ask you we got off so late what were your impressions of playing uh what times did you play so we played from we played for about four hours we finished at like two in the morning. Didn't even finish. We just quit out of the game because it was nowhere fucking near over. It was getting close. It was clear that we were going to be the winners.

Yeah, I wasn't doing bad. I was doing pretty well, actually. Just based on the score, that doesn't matter. On the side, I was winning, but that could change at any point like wildly but it's so it reminds me a lot of settlers of katan uh the board game because it's got that same hex uh hexagon layout and it's just like a wildly more complicated settlers of katan i i liked it it's just it takes so fucking long to do anything like to get like oh do you want this building well it's going to take you 14 turns and if you get upgrades it'll only take 10 and that's still like a lot of time i feel but for the most part um i liked it it's a lot of strategy once you get like a few

cities placed you find yourself like you know really trying to connect your roads and get like a cohesive empire going and maybe you start thinking about defenses and walls. Chiz got frustrated at me because apparently I was wonder-whoring, which I didn't know was a bad thing to do. Every time I would go to a city, it would show the wonders you could build. I'm like, oh, I want some hanging gardens.

That'll give me a lot of this. I was doing that. Chiz, I guess, was running a strategy. What was it? You explain it, Kyle. Yeah, there's only one that could be built in the world and and you built chiz's petra he got very bent out of shape about that he did he and he would have just said because i i bought it and he goes oh oh you have to you bought petra god damn it like i've been working towards this for so long and i was if he just would have said hey i i don't i know you don't know this but i was really that's part of my strategy could you pick something else i would have been like oh okay my bad i don't

know how to play this so i picked what sounded best but because he got frustrated i did not and i kept you just kept it that was funny i like that a lot i thought you did really well for your first game um and and you figured things up out really fast like Like you said, you were winning in the score. And that does mean something, I guess. The score is greatly influenced by wonders. It's like some of the things, how many cities you have and how many wonders you have play a big role into that score. Yeah, I had quite a few wonders. And my happiness was off the charts. I had like 30 smiley faces.

Everybody was loving me. It was just a consistent golden age. How many cities did you have? Three. Huh. Well, this is pretty good. Who did you love? Yeah, we had a good time.

I thought you played really well. And I love that game. You're right. It does take a long time. One thing that you should keep in mind is we had the turn timer turned off, which gives you an infinite amount of time between turns. Normally it's like, uh-oh, hurry up, get your turn ended, and it flows much faster. Yeah, one thing that I'm confused about is figuring out when I'm supposed to start building military units,

because I tried playing on my own, and I built, I think, too many military units too fast, because little notifications were popping up like, we're undefended, we're undefended! And I guess that was just the computer trying to trick me into making something I didn't need, which I did. But I also, like last night, I feel like the only reason that I didn't get shit on was because you and Chiz were keeping an oppressing force on them for part of the time. Unless they just didn't attack me at all.

That's what was going on. It's a trial and error thing, but on the higher difficulty, the higher the difficulty, the more mean the AI is. We were playing on King, which is average, and they kind of tried to expand, but they won't attack you unless you get in their way or until later in the

game when they have a big advantage or when they want to expand more. So it was going to be a while before they actually came and bugged you. But if we played on the harder difficulties, immediately out of the gate they'd be threatening you, telling you not to settle near them. If you did, you would see them.

All of a sudden they got three units and then four and then five. And now there's five headed your way. And you're like, oh, what are they doing? Maybe they're just passing through. And the next thing you know they're just they're destroying you um but i don't build any military units um for the most part until like i'm ready to attack and that's that's a risky strategy because if they attack you you're kind of left defenseless but it it works really well because most human players won't attack early because it cripples you and the guy you attack. How do you destroy, because I was trying to play,

and I unlocked the trebuchets, like the really good catapult. I don't know if they're really good. They were the best thing I had. They were pretty good catapults, and I would get the city down to where it said zero health. Like if I was destroying... You've got to send a melee unit in to actually capture the city. Like a swordsman or a musketman

or a horseman or a knight. He's got to go in there and actually ride into the city and take it. So the ranged units sort of batter the city and make it easy. And then you can send any soldier in there and he'll take it over. And so one of them, the game that I

saved single player just on next to easy mode, I conquered Vancouver and made it part of the Babylonian Empire. I annexed it, which it said would make people very unhappy, but they didn't get that unhappy. I built them a circus and they were fine. Is that a bad move, annexing or well it usually i

don't take the city states because they're better as allies than they are just taking one of their cities from them and making it your own you're usually better building your own cities but it's really situational if you can afford the happiness it's better it's better to annex them because then you have full control over what's built in that city um and it's it's just like any of your other cities. But if you puppet them, then they give you their resources, but they're controlled by AI. Ah.

So really it's just happiness. If you have a lot of happiness, may as well annex it and then take over their means of production. Or you can raise it to the ground if it's a shitty city. Like if some dumb human player built a city in a dumb place, you can just be like, like fuck this burn the city down and it'll just burn away um but yeah i'm looking forward to playing some this weekend yeah i'm down to play more this

weekend like as long as as long if we could like get a game like like a five hour game like a real quick one yeah like that yeah yeah because this like this game takes so long because it's so complicated. And I was, like, barely talking at all during the call. It was, like, a four-hour call. And I bet I said five sentences the whole time that weren't questions just because I was trying to figure out, like, okay, I got my research. I got a good hold on this. And then Kyle would be like, oh, you also can't forget that your

team of whittlers back at your base are making spears, so you need to turn those off because you're no longer in the Bronze Age. Also remember to research currency because otherwise you'll just be bartering with loaves of bread with other citizens or whatever it is. And it's just so much to keep track of. Yeah, that's why I

like it. I like the investment that it takes to play. I like it. I like the investment that it takes to play. I like that. And then I like beating people. I love beating people in that game. It's great. So yeah, this weekend I think I'm going to make a video of it of some kind. I might record our whole play session and then edit down to like 20 minutes or something.

But we'll do a gaming video this weekend of some kind. I think that'll be fun. Makes me miss Command & Conquer. Ah, yeah. Yeah, we've played. Makes me miss Command & Conquer. Ah, yeah. Yeah, we've played a little bit of Command & Conquer. We've played a lot of RTS over the last year, year and a half, or something like that. I used to play nothing but FPS, you know, Call of Duty

and Battlefield and stuff like that, mainly Call of Duty. But recently I've been playing mostly on my PC and mostly RTS and strategy games in general. I've really enjoyed those. I wonder if it's because it's more relaxing. I want to play it, but with kids and everything like that,

it's hard to sit down and play straight through. You know what I mean? First-person shooters are good if I get a 15 and a half hour to myself to play some Battlefield or maybe even Division or something like that. And then get up and leave. But to invest that time into an RTS is hard right now. I wonder if we asked our viewers if they're still into games.

Like, I think almost everyone who starts on Painkiller already was into games when they first started. I wonder how many of them are still like, oh yeah, you know, I'm just as passionate as I was. Or like... I bet a ton of them. Yeah, I bet there's a ton of them are still like, oh yeah, I'm just as passionate as I was. I bet a ton of them. Yeah, I bet there's a ton of them

that still really are just as into gaming as they were. Maybe just different games. Yeah, I wonder. Is it different games or out of games? Because I bet it's different games. I bet they're not all into COD like they used to be. But did they migrate from... How are they on the

hardcore level? Because I bet a lot of them were hardcore when they started on Painkiller already. Have they moved to filthy casual? Have they moved to less gaming in general? I wonder where they are. We should make a poll. It's probably something like that. What are you playing right now?

What games did you start with? Did you used to be a COD fan? Did you used to be Battlefield. Now you're playing a lot of Stratego or something lame like that. No Man's Sky or just... Oh, don't even... What is that? I've heard bad things about it. Go ahead. Maybe you know better than me, Kyle.

So No Man's Sky was promised to be the biggest open world that there can be. It's like the entire universe with a quadrillion stars with planet systems around them that you can actually visit

in your starship. And the idea was that no two players will ever even meet each other because the universe is so vast and we're all just exploring. And in these previews, you see these lush planets

you land on with fucking dinosaurs. It's like that scene in Jurassic Park when the dinos are first revealed. No, no, no, no, no, no. And everybody's all blown away. It's like that scene in Jurassic Park when the dinos are first revealed. And everybody's all blown away. It's like that. And then the game launches and it's full of little issues that ruin the experience. It's repetitive. It's monotonous.

I don't think anybody's found any dinosaurs. And one thing that really bugs people is in this vast universe, there's only like 150,000 players initially. Two of them found each other. But they can't communicate or do anything with each other because the game's not written that way. And that really upset everybody.

They're like, look, we made the impossible happen. We found each other in the vast universe. And you're telling me that we can't communicate or do anything with each other? And those are just a couple little problems that have led a lot of backlash for that game. They couldn't even see each other and And those are just a couple little problems that have led like a lot of backlash for that game. They couldn't even see each other

and they were in the same spot. So the world is procedurally generated, right? Which like a world that's like regular generated would be like Call of Duty or even Grand Theft Auto. Minecraft is procedurally generated. There's just different biomes and it goes and it's gigantic. So this is a universe that's

like as big as a real universe. And people just find that like for a game that encourages you to explore, there's nothing to find. I guess you're supposed to go to the middle of the universe. And they say it's unfinished. It didn't live up to the trailer. $60. It's a AAA title, supposedly. Like this isn't like my VR stuff.

There will be games that the way we just described No Man's Land, many of those things will be true for some of my VR games. But some of those games are $8. Some are $3. Some are $5. So you play it, and you're like, okay, you get an hour into it, two hours into it. Maybe you play it a second time. But you're not coming back to it a third time. And you don't even mind because it was $4 or $8 or something.

This game is $8 or something. This game is $60 fucking dollars. Wow. What are you supposed to do in the game, though? I know it's a bunch of planets. You just fly around and look at things? So there's an aspect of improving your ship and your loadout and its slots and stuff. That's part of it.

But I think it's mainly exploration. I haven't been totally plugged into the thing, but I've definitely had my finger on the pulse of the backlash. That's been interesting. And what was... there's so much backlash now against it and it's funny because prior to the game's release there were so, so many people who were praising it and were so excited for it. It was pretty big on Reddit with people just, oh this is going to be amazing when we get... we get will be you know The developers are promising this the developers are promising that he was playing live on talk shows and stuff, too

Yeah, I've seen I've seen pictures of that guy like a gif of that developer guy who was making all the promises and he's like Driving away and like a fake flying machine with bundles of money Getting away flying machine with bundles of money or something like that like getting away. It seems like and I think he's all, prior to the game's release, he was like, you pay $60 for No Man's Land and then all the DLC from there forward is yours for free.

And now he's like, well, maybe we'll charge for some stuff. You know, he's really cashing in. $60 times a couple hundred thousand sales, that's quite a bit of money. That's a retirement, yeah. Yeah, and I don't think the game, it doesn't seem the game, it doesn't seem like the game costs that much to make based on

the player's experiences of the game. But I haven't played it. I've been stuck playing the VR stuff a lot and trying to man my way through raw data, which still horrifies me. I let a girl play the other day and she just threw and she was like, ah, nah. Nah.

You didn't tell me they were just going to be coming at me like that. I thought that guy was on me. That's fucked. That's what I'm doing now. Hey, you want to hear something cool? I'm being put in a video game. Which one? Yeah, Greg Hastings'

Paintball 3. They just finished rendering my whole body, my gear and everything. And you can play as Wolf in the video game. They took a whole bunch of my voice samples and all this stuff. And I'm going to be yelling at people online to move up and stuff and teach them how to play and shoot and all that stuff. I think I'm doing that too. They took a a bunch of pictures of me i think i'm supposed to do some voice work um they went on and on about it but i haven't heard anything lately for greg's game yeah oh that's yeah that's gonna be cool okay yeah so i'm excited about it like i've seen

some i saw myself rendered and uh i looked a little ch. I wasn't happy about it. It's kind of exciting. What is your special ability as a character? Do you know what your perk is? My guy sneaks in a 9mm in case things get a little rough. That would be interesting. Well, I can't say too much, but it's involve like my my box mag and having extra ammo and being able to uh move on woods ball fields a little and like hide with camo and stuff it's supposed to be

really cool so it's nice it's a lot of work that goes into these games man like oh my goodness gracious yeah it's cool because i remember playing that game on Xbox. Not Xbox One, but the first generation of Xbox. Yeah, I remember I would go to my cousin's house, and we'd rent video games, and we rented Greg Hastings' Paintball, and I just remember playing that game and really enjoying it because we loved Paintball anyway. We played every video game that rental store had. Yeah, but I'm very honored, and it supposed to be coming out in 2017, hopefully, so we'll see.

They asked me to. I had to turn them down prior conflicts. Oh, they were begging me. I was like, I got a lot of yard to mow. I just can't make it into your video game. My special ability is you wear shorts and a t-shirt and you overheat and then give up. That could be me too.

You have to keep my morale up. Otherwise, I run back to the safety room with the snacks. I thought you were talking about me. Snacks is a real godsend. I really enjoyed that. If we hadn't had that room with the snacks is real godsend. Like, I really enjoyed that. If we hadn't had that room with all the, you know, the iced down drinks, and the AC wasn't that great, but it was better than being outside.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Those fans were melting out there. Yeah. If you want to make Kitty angry, just take half a water bottle, drink it, and then leave it around. And then repeat the process 50 times. She'll flip out.

There were so many wounded soldiers sitting around that room. Just, you know, three ounces left in the bottle, you know, half a can of soda. You get in that mindset, you know, like, it's kind of like when you go to a party or something, and you know there's, like, unlimited drinks. You're way more likely to, like, pick up a beer or a soda.

Or a fresh one. Drink, like, two drinks, put it down, and then ten minutes later, you're way more likely to pick up a beer or a soda. I want a fresh one. Drink two drinks, put it down, and then ten minutes later, you're like, I'm not going to drink that one. It's been sitting here for ten minutes. And then you just go grab another one. You remember in National Lampoon's Vacation, Cousin Eddie's like, he's drinking a Miller Lite, and he's got another one hanging from the six-pack. He's like, you want a cold beer, Clark?

And he's like, sure, Eddie. And he hands him the one he's been drinking and cracks himself a fresh one. It's like, he looks at that warm, half-drunk beer like, fuck. Classic movie. Classic. Have you seen the remake?

Anyone seen a remake of that? I didn't want to see it. I really liked the original a lot. But no, I didn't want to see I really liked the the original lot No, I didn't watch the new one. I don't really Like any of those actors enough to go pay for their movie ties into last AMA question. What's the best sequel ever? Godfather 2 aliens You guys came up with great ones two towers no Return of the King. That's a sequel, right? I guess, treacle? I don't know.

A sequel is a continuation of a story and another volume continuing a story. Then Return of the King would be my answer. I like Aliens 2. That's an incredible choice. I had Matrix 2. But your answers were all so good.

That's a horrible choice. Yours was so much better than mine. Okay, so wait. I had matrix 2 Okay, so wait Yes, and that CGI scene where he fights like all those agents myths And he's basically like an Xbox 360 cartoon character spinning around when it came out it looked cool all right it did i watched matrix when it came out it looked cool and i thought it came out i was 16 years old and i still remember sitting in that theater like this my date's next to me and i'm just like like staring staring at the screen because i couldn't believe the special effects but i thought matrix was good and then i read the analysis on it and all this like deep super like prediction and ties into Bible

and who knows what and then I thought it was great I appreciated it on a level that I didn't know was possible and then Matrix 2 came out I thought it was really good and then I read the analysis on that and it was like oh my god we live in a time of amazing

movies like this is better than movies that have ever been made in the history of storytelling and then matrix 3 came out and validated all that cool off-screen shit that i saw and made all three of them not as good as they used to be that's that was my matrix experience i messed it up for you the second one shit too i watched it the other day. Did you? I still enjoy it. I still enjoy it, but it's just not in the same class as the first one. It doesn't have the same tone,

the same feel. The stakes aren't as high. All of a sudden, Neo is Superman. You know what I watched recently? Top Gun. It got in my head because we were talking about bad paramotor landings. My friend Brad, if you guys know him from the vlogs,

he described like I was coming in like Cougar into the, you know, at the beginning when Cougar's all like wobbly and everything. When he got shaken up. Yeah, he got shaken up because he had an encounter with the Migs. And I was like, oh, and I saw it. And I'm like, I'm going to watch Top Gun. I haven't seen that forever. Oh my God! I never watched it

as, like, a gay man's fantasy until this viewing. Like, Val Kilmer does that. Yeah, Val Kilmer does the bite thing, there's the the volleyball scene is just sweaty men posing a lot. Grr! It's just like the volleyball scene from Lethal Weapon 6 in It's Always

Sunny in Philadelphia, where they literally had these gay guys playing volleyball and being all sweaty. Dude, they're oiled up. They're oiled up playing volleyball and, I don't know, the flight suits. Just a couple of guys palling around. Dude, Top Gun is such a gay-friendly movie. Oh, I don't play recreational sports. I'll lube down with my friends.

Look at you on your pillar. Exactly. I've never done anything that wasn't sexual but required oiling up. Right? Maybe I'm alone in this. Maybe if you're a wrestler, oiling up is real important.

I guess I'm a professional wrestler. Or maybe if you're fucking a GSP. Right, right. You have to fight PJ Penn so it's time to fight better oil up yeah yeah get it in deep but I've never oiled up for anything it's a little weird getting oiled up

I think if you get oiled up and you're out of shape it's just ten times worse a real masseuse people look so sexy when they're oiled up. And hot women and muscled up guys, of course you look better when you're oiled up. You ever see a fat person oiled up?

They look like they're ready for baking. A sexy person is oiled up. A fat person is greasy. That's what it is. You never see a big fat guy on the beach in his Speedo that he's way too proud to be wearing and walking around being like man that's a real competent guy you think like god that's just that's honestly inconsiderate like you're on you're in my line of view and i'm

at the beach come on i wouldn't do that to you bro there's no they're all speedos would you go to a nude beach or a or a nude resort or anything like that? Yeah, sure. I definitely would. Well, are you allowed? The thing about nude beaches is just the sand. I feel like you wouldn't be able to fully enjoy yourself because you're

just always going to be worried. It's so unpleasant when you get sand everywhere. When you're wearing a swimsuit, it has to be a million times worse with no barrier. I disagree. It's everywhere when you're wearing a swimsuit it has to be a million times worse with no barrier i disagree i kind of feel like it's not like you're in you see a buds training where you have to roll around in the sand on purpose go into water you walk out you go on your towel if you're naked easy come easy go right like it's really the swimsuit especially if you're one of those faggot children who doesn't know any better and you've got the liner in there. You're a tourist, bitch. If you've got the liner, all that thing does is hold sand, right?

People who live at the beach. I always cut those out. Yeah, cut them out or buy board shorts like you're supposed to. And then you don't have that problem at all. But I like pockets. Board shorts have pockets. My shorts come with pockets and with wax combs in them. Wolf is talking about the beach, the way that like adults go to the beach.

I tore that wax comb right out. I'm like, there's no way I'm gonna let somebody see me with my wax comb and be like, Oh, boy, you skimboard too, bro? And I'm just like, yeah! Yeah, that's what I do. No, I wear fucking shorts on vacation. These mean nothing. I thought of another one. I thought of another one. Empire Strikes Back. Ooh. God, you guys are so much better at this than I am. shorts on vacation. These mean nothing. I thought of another one. Empire Strikes Back. You guys are so much better at this than I am. I don't like Star Wars.

You don't like Star Wars? Really? No. I like the new Star Wars, but everything else that's ever been made is kind of a subpar movie if you ask me. They're so slow and poorly made. It's a low budget movie that just happened to catch on in the 70s. That's all Star Wars is. Good story.

Terrible. The Batmans are very good. There's kind of sequels. I don't care. What's very good? The Batman movies since the reboot. The Nolan ones are amazing. The Nolan ones are amazing. I even like the Manaflac one. I'm going backwards on the Nolan ones.

Really? Go back and watch a fight scene in one of those movies and tell me it's not retardedly lame. But the acting, Heath Ledger as Joker? Yeah. Who's the guy

that talks like he's in a coffee cup? Bane. Bane was good. Tom Hardy was amazing. I like him as an. Bane. Bane was good. He was awesome. Yeah, Tom Hardy. Tom Hardy was amazing. I like him as an actor a lot. That character was great. Like I said, the Nolans, they were really good that way. I mean, the first Batman was awesome, but then they got really corny after the first.

To me, what's great about the Nolan Batmans is all the IMAX camera work he does, all those gimbals and those high-speed chases and stuff. I think that's what separated him from some of the other Batmans. And Christian Bale does a good job. He doesn't do a great job, but he does a good job and a convincing job as Batman. I didn't mind his silly voice either, but there were some holes in the Nolan Batmans I don't care for.

But the Nolan movies, Batman was what he was supposed to be, which is a dark knight. You know what I mean? The other movies, except for the one with Joker with Jack Nicholson, they got corny, they got like the old 60s TV show. The Nolan ones got dark,

and it was like they were intense. And one of the best lines I remember from the first one was when Bruce was being trained, and his trainer, I can't remember his name Liam Neeson Raz Al Ghul

wants to get to Bruce and he goes you did not fail your parents Bruce your father failed and I was like wow bro you just hit him, like that was like deep, that was like gave me goosebumps when I saw it. Yeah, that was the fight on the icy lake.

On the ice, yeah. And that's just before he fell. He wanted to get him mad. I was like, boom, we just hit him right in the feels. The Nolan movies just hit it for me. I like the newest version of Batman. I really do. I like Ben Affleck Batman.

I think if you watch that fight that he has when he's saving Superman's mother. That was well done. That is how I want Superman to fight. When he hits someone, he clobbers them. Christian Bale would have to like boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Like hit you five times to really incapacitate you. Ben Affleck comes in there and you're lucky if all he does is knock you unconscious he might shoot his bat gun thing through your flesh and then swing you over his shoulder into another like through a window or

something he kills like multiple people in that movie beating him he's also a bigger brute he's also a bigger batman the n is in his suit looks more like the original suit. There's been lots of writers for Batman, but I like that one best. That hardcore, the old, grizzled Batman. I don't need to see him jumping rope and huffing and huffing. Yeah, I don't care about any of that shit. I don't care about Bruce Wayne. And that's Nolan's problem. He kept making these Bruce Wayne movies.

I want Batman. Batman is a tortured guy who is a fucking broken. He doesn't work He doesn't work in normal society The only time that he's who he wants to be and he feels right is when he's out beating criminals senseless and the beating should Be like Oz they should be brutal and gory like they are in real life This is a guy who does nothing 24-7 but invest billions of dollars and all of his time, energy, and effort into being a badass ass-whooping machine who fights crime

and is merciless toward criminals because they murdered his family and ruined his city. Of course he's going to be proved. Batman throws a few public rapes around of criminals and crime is going to plummet. You know what hero through a public...

You want to talk about public rapes from heroes in movies. I watched... That's a niche discussion right there. Yes, now I do want to. So I watched a Clint Eastwood movie the other day. It's the one where... It's one of the

man with no name movies. It's where he rides into the town where they had whipped his brother to death who was the former sheriff and he kind of takes over the town. There are some guys coming. There are bad guys coming back to the town and he's going to defend the town where they had whipped his brother to death who was the former sheriff and he kind of takes over the town. There are some guys coming, there are bad guys coming back to the town and he's going to defend the town from them. And he, as soon as he gets into town, this woman kind of like

clearly is like into him a little bit but the way that she flirts with him is by walking into his path and like literally running into him and she's like, watch where you're going with that stinky cigar and your foul mood, you ignorant wretch, or whatever. And he's like, if you wanted to get acquainted,

all you had to do was say so. And she's like, acquainted? And she insults him some other way, and he's just like, someone needs to teach you some manners. So he drags her into a barn and rapes her. Did she learn her lesson? No, that's not the...

Yeah, he learned her, but good. And that's not the only one. Later on, he fucks the hotel owner's wife. Fucks her, too. But he honey dicks her. The first one that he rapes, is that the end of their relationship, or do they eventually get along?

Oh, they don't get along. He just rapes her and she's looking around like nobody's going to do anything and everybody's just like eh, that's it. Well, I don't want to get raped either. You were a little mouthy. You were a little mouthy and she was.

But yeah, he just takes right at the beginning of this Clint Eastwood movie he kills three guys and then he takes this woman to a barn and rapes her and then he goes and takes a nap. That's how the movie starts. And what's it? Man with no name? I'll find it. See, that's why – but that's the thing is, when you – you threw me off earlier when you said you don't like slow-moving movies.

And those old school – Yeah. You said when you were talking about slow-moving stuff. Oh, Star Wars is bad for like eight. Star Wars has all kinds of things wrong. The slowness of it is just what makes it intolerable. I could sit through a bad movie if it was fast-paced. It's called High Plains Drifter. That's the name of that movie, High Plains Drifter. I love Clint's movies.

You should also see Outlaw Josie Wells, too. That's my favorite of his westerns. I also like Unforgiven. The Unforgiven is so fucking good. What's the newest movie? He bought the rights to that. Gran Torino. Is it Gran Torino still?

Jesus. That was a good movie, though. Yeah, he's old as fuck, man. He should probably tone it down with the movie stuff. What about Gran Torino? That's his latest movie, right? I think it is. I don't think he's made as fuck, man. He should probably tone it down with the movie stuff. What about Gran Torino? That's his latest movie, right? I think it is. I don't think he's made anything since Gran Torino.

Didn't Billion Dollar Baby come out after that? Before. Oh, okay. Then maybe it was Gran Torino. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think he's done. His son's coming up, though. His son looks just like him.

I like that. He's got the hair, like, and got the whole thing. He's not freaking banging us up the rest of his life. What's Trouble with the Curve? Do you guys know this movie? That's a baseball movie where he has his daughter into it. You're right. That is his most

recent one. I'm cheating him on IMDB. Don't get it all twisted. You can't watch the good, the bad, and the ugly. The whole thing. You need to go and watch The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly. The whole thing. You need to watch Fistful of Dollars. Like, his old school westerns are what made men want to be men, old school type of stuff. Oh, man, I can quote The Unforgiven.

There's so many new westerns. Isn't there a popular western either out or about to come out? Yeah, Magnificent Seven with Denzel Washington, the guy from Guardians of the Galaxy, and a few others. Chris Pratt, yeah. Have you seen the original Magnificent Seven? Oh, heck yeah. That was a good movie.

And then Seven Samurai is what that was based on, and that's a really good movie too. Akira Kurosawa, that's what all of those are based on. It comes out September 23rd. I just looked it up. I'm a movie buff. Seven Samurai was one of those movies I watched in a film throwaway bullshit class.

Dude, I still have it on VHS. Yeah, it was good. It's from the 40s or something. Maybe even earlier than that. Of course, being 15 when I watched it, I'm like, this is going to be such bullshit. Just like every movie from that time where there's just bad acting and you can tell everybody just doesn't really know what they're doing. But no, it was actually compelling and really good.

And if you guys haven't seen that, you'll feel more cultured afterward. Seven Samurai by... It's beautiful. Whatever the guy's name is. Akira Kurosawa. And it takes up two VHS tapes. and at the end of the first tape it says intermission then you gotta put in the second tape yeah it's a long yeah what's the movie it takes place in world war ii the actor from lost boy's dad is in it they drive a tank

oh donald sutherland yeah when they have to find the gold. Jesus. The Dirty Dozen. I thought it was that. I should have just said it. It's a classic movie. That was a great movie. I watched it with my father. And I thought like every other stupid old movie I would just hate it. I loved it. I was totally sucked in.

I wonder if I'd still like it today. You want to see a cool movie it's not old like that uh you got to see the old chow yun fat movies like hard-boiled and it's he's a guy who created holding two pistols and shooting at the same time in a movie and go and see any chow yun fat movie from like the 70s and 80s they're the most brutal uh shooter up movies that you will ever experience and they're and they're good storylines there's one called tomorrow and and uh hard-boiled and like there's this classic scene he's in a restaurant and he's on the banister and he's going down the banister shooting two revolvers like this killing off triad and it's like The the most amazing movies you will ever experience is his old school

That's the child fat is a guy who's in the kung fu movie hidden dragon Crouching tiger hidden again. Have you seen on wick? Oh Yeah, you know very good right now, right part? Yeah, yeah. I bet we've all seen him training for part 2 with his shooting and his jiu-jitsu. I appreciate that a lot. It looks very good. His shooting looked top-notch and his jiu-jitsu looked very good too. That's a movie that I went into with such low

expectations that I was really impressed. Yeah, it was good. I mean, Keanu had had loser after loser for like three or four years. He did this, what was it called? It was called 150 Warriors or some bullshit. Oh, that was 47 Ronin.

47 Ronin, yeah, and that bombed big time. Lost like $100 million, and he hadn't been getting roles for a while. I think Woody brought up maybe last year how there was an interview with keanu and they were like well how how have things changed in your career what's it like right now and he was like well i don't get the roles i want you know i i put in for this role and matt damon gets it i put it for that one and ben affleck gets it i put in for this one leonard caprio gets i don't get to act in the movies that i want to act in anymore so i kind of just got to take what I can get. It kind of sucks. And so with the success of John Wick,

you see a movie that costs, whatever, $30 million, $40 million, make him $180 million. You know, he's back in the game again. But he's a dedicated actor. Like, the training he did for Matrix was insane. He's terrible. He's a terrible actor. No, but he's dedicated, I said. He's. He's dedicated to getting the physical stuff down

because, man, his kung fu was on point. His jiu-jitsu still is on point. His gun skill is on point. But he can't fucking act. It's still this surfer dude from California who should be in a phone booth going back in time. Same guy. You know, but they're doing another Bill of Dead.

I could say that about Matthew McConaughey And that's good adventure, bro. I feel like every Matthew McConaughey right like all right all right all right It was pretty cool at first and now I feel amazing actor to me. He plays the same guy in just different situations I'm sorry Lincoln lawyer was good. Yeah, that's a good Have you seen Lincoln Lawyer? I'm sorry? Lincoln Lawyer was good, yeah. That's a good movie.

I didn't see that. Maybe it changed my mind. You didn't like him in True Detective, though, did you? I thought it was the same guy. I don't know. I could tell you he's going to do this. You did not like True Detective? I thought it was okay. Yeah.

I'm going to disagree on that, man. Woody was amazing. I thought they made a great team together. Second season of True Detective I was not happy with. So the second season I didn't watch. Everyone seemed to hate it. It wasn't very good. I liked the acting in it.

I thought the acting was super powerful. But, look, I can appreciate a slow burn. I liked, what was that Tomahawk movie we watched with Kurt Russell? Bone Tomahawk. Bone Tomahawk. I don't know if you saw that. That's a slow burn i liked um what was that tomahawk movie we watched with kurt russell bone tomahawk tomahawk i don't know if you saw that that's a slow burn and i enjoyed every second of it but um uh true detective horror western like it just moved too slow for me like i don't know a whole episode would go by and the only like significant plot movement was they found a bunch of sticks or something it's a build-up, man. You gotta go somewhere. I don't know.

But McConaughey himself, I just feel like when he acts, it's always that same guy. I don't feel that way about Matt Damon. I don't feel like it's Goodwill hunting on Mars. Dallas Buyers Club. I really liked that movie. Jared Leto was so good at that.

He was the transsexual. Who plays that? Jared Leto. He was very good. How did you like the new Joker? The Suicide Squad? It was very bad. How did you like the Joker?

It wasn't good. I didn't care for it. I finally went and saw it. I didn't care for it at all. I just didn't care for it. You saw it, Kyle. Yeah, I finally went and saw it. I didn't care for it at all. I just didn't. It wasn't my cup of tea. It's not what I'm looking for from a superhero movie. The biggest

thing is, I'm sitting there like three quarters of the way through it when we finally figured out what we're going to do and everybody's actually doing shit. And I'm just like, if everybody went home right now, who would fucking care if everybody just went home and drink a beer would the world end because if if if Iron Man says you know what fuck it I'm going home and drinking a beer and fucking pepper pots the world ends like if Thor just figures fuck it I'm gonna go you

know fuck some I don't know what store fuck it, I'm gonna go fuck some... I don't know what Thor fucks, but I bet he's got some badass chips back on. He hates the ice giants. Yeah, that's why he fucks them. It's not a happy day. Yeah, well, maybe he's raping some ice giants. Maybe he'd prefer that, but

if he goes home, my point is, if he goes home, the world ends. It's all over. But if Will Smith doesn't show up, then it's all over so you know if but if will smith doesn't show up then it's like ah maybe we should just get a marine who can shoot because that's pretty much the same thing right and then who's what's the croc guy what's he there for like croc guy is actually played by i looked it up uh the guy who played at a bc played the croc guy uh okay at a bc verm from Oz. You know what? Adebisi would have been more effective.

He was so needlessly difficult to understand. He was a mumbler to the nth degree. Every single time that you saw the killer croc on screen, you just put fingers in your ears because it doesn't fucking matter. You won't be able to understand. Who are you more afraid of?

It's like, what? Who are you more afraid of, Killer Croc or Abadisi? Adabisi, yeah. Right? Adabisi will buttfuck you in the kitchen, even if you are the Don's son. He just won't give a fuck. The Croc is on some leash

from the federal government. They control his moves. Like, Will Smith bitches the Croc out. Adabisi would rape Will Smith. I'd rather fight like get out the tent of the prisoners in on your hair like sigourney weaver is ripley's a badass bitch but would add a bc gay sigourney weaver is ripley is a badass bitch but without a bc fucker that's our new scale

i think that's my favorite female heroine female hero female action star from any movie is fucking ripley so hardcore when they started coming from the walls one of the young woody saw that you know when the movie was new and it was one of the like i don't know how young woody saw that you know when the movie was

new and it was one of the most frightening scenes i had ever seen in my life and again i put myself there like whatever nine-year-old woody in his head thought war was easy just hold a machine gun you can kill hundreds of people you know i did as they all line up but when they started coming from the walls and out the vents and all that stuff, it's like, oh no, they're in a terrible situation. So would nine-year-old Woody go and save that little girl when she disappears through the vent, the water, or would nine-year-old Woody take off in the jet?

Because there's a lot of people who tell you when she went back for the little girl. I would have taken off in that jet as the person I am right now. And nuke it. Fuck it. I love it, though. That's as the person I am right now. And nuke it. Fuck it. Fuck it. I love it, though.

That's when the movie gets good for me, when she gets a duct tape out and she's like... Starts putting the flamethrower on the gun. She's like, one gun just won't be enough for this mission. What I really need is a pulse rifle with an underbarrel grenade launcher duct taped to a goddamn flamethrower. Then I could do some work. It's great. Get away. And then later on, get away from her, you bitch!

And there's a reason for her to be good with the loader. Movies back then, it made sense. You're like, oh yeah, Ridley's great with the loader. That's what she used to do. That alien queen is fucked. Seeing the difference between the movie that ridley scott made which is a horror movie if you ask me and then the movie that james

cameron made which is just this badass alien shoot them up action movie and they're both equally good if you ask me i don't know which one's better to me they're they're just dead even at like 9.0s out of 10 and they're completely different as as far as the theme and the tone of the movie really yeah totally agree. Alien 3 is a real shit show. You know that you've heard this story that the actors in the first Alien movie did not see

the costume until that scene happened for them. So they were authentically first out of his chest. Those were authentic reactions with the first chestburster scene. Go back and watch that. You can see their face. They're just like, oh, what the fuck? Oh, no! Get fucking Ridley

Scott in here! Holy shit! Another scene that's like that where some shit went down and one of the actors wasn't prepared. In the new Quentin Tarantino movie, The Hateful Eight, Jennifer Jason Leigh is sitting there playing the guitar as Domergu.

And that guitar is a priceless... Hold on, hold on, hold on. Have you seen this movie? Hateful Eight, Taylor? Yeah, we've all seen it. Give him a spoiler alert, just in case. Yeah, mild spoiler here. Mild spoiler. This chick is sitting there playing the guitar

and she's singing a song that is very mocking of Kurt Russell's character. And so he walks over there, snatches up the guitar, and bang, smashes it into the wall like it's Animal House. The only thing was that it wasn't the prop guitar. It was the priceless, one-of-a-kind guitar that was loaned to them from a museum worth tens of thousands of dollars. And you get to see Jennifer Jason Leigh's honest, real reaction to another actor taking a priceless heirloom and smashing it. Whoa! Whoa! And she's not looking at Kurt.

She's looking off camera. Why would she look at the other people in the cabin? She's looking at the director like, he fucked up! Look what he did! Oh, shit! Did everybody see that I didn't do this? Yeah, yeah, exactly. She's like, I didn't throw it or anything.

Kurt smashed it. So did Kurt this? Yeah, yeah, exactly. She was just like, I didn't throw it or anything. Kurt smashed it. So did Kurt know? No, not until afterwards. He didn't know until later. He thought he had a prop. And the museum was never again will we loan things out to a movie company. That's the end of that shit. Because, like, you can't get it back.

They shouldn't have done it in the first place. Like, if it's a small enough prop that everyone in there can misconstrue a prop guitar from this priceless one just just use the prop just use the problem you know it's weird like that right like he wants everything authentic and he's very particular like that so he's got to have it just so but yeah i guess he really let me down with that movie i was i had such high hopes for hateful eight and then it just it was like i don't want to again because i guarantee i'm gonna know how bad it is like i was giving it the benefit of the doubt the whole first watch through and it's just not very good i enjoyed it yeah i did a lot too

the thing i like the most i really enjoyed the 70 millimeter aspect aspect of it i went and watched like the roadshow edition on a legit 70mm screen, and that definitely had an effect on me. I liked it much more because of that than if I'd seen it on a regular screen. I re-watched it the other day. I didn't like it as much as the first time I'd seen it, but it was because some things don't hold up on a second viewing, and it's not because they're poor. It's just because the way the story is shaped, it just doesn't lend itself to that. I also saw the road show edition but mine wasn't good and that's one of my issues with showing actual film like it was out of focus

it was jumpy it was all the bullshit that happened with film when i was a little kid i was in the uh minority in that i didn't love the revenant but i liked hateful eight really you didn't like the revenant why why didn't. Why so? It's too slow? Too simple. I don't mind. It just seemed like, to me, there wasn't really much plot twist in that. Like, alright, he gets separated, he wants revenge. There it is.

Three hours worth of crawling through the woods to get revenge. And I think a lot of people were just enamored with the story around the filming of it how they really did have chapped lips how they really were cold when they did it and and stuff like that but to me like that that's irrelevant it took me because a i put myself in that position and what it would take to drag your broken ass around the woods for that long in the freezing cold. And then, in addition to that, I read the real story of what really happened, and how the actual wounds were even worse than what was portrayed in the movie. And in those days, you're not even guaranteed that you'd be safe in a hospital after that right

you know what i mean and like he dragged us through all that to make it to the camp and then he wants to go back out after again you know what i mean i'm like the human spirit that that took was like just blew me away for some reason i i put myself into these movies i was like could i do that i really appreciated the camera work. There were several scenes where I was just like really blown away by the camera work and the cinematography from that guy. That's his third Oscar in a row he's won for that cinematography, that guy. He won for Birdman, and I can't think of the third film that he won an Oscar for, but there were several scenes where the camera starts low to the ground and it spins to like do this long cut shot. And then it follows Leo up on

his horse through a field. And I know these aren't legitimate no cut shots. He's doing a bit of trickery there, but the trickery itself is better, makes the product better. It doesn't matter to me that they actually didn't do a long shot. It looks like a real shot, and it feels like a real long one, no-cut shot, and it's beautiful. I like the Revenant a lot. The best no-cut scene was when the Indians attacked in the beginning. Yeah, that's what I'm referring to. That was insane.

in the beginning. Yeah, that's what I'm referring to. That was insane. Like, the arrows going and killing people and just the constant movement and the flow was... Yeah, it was just perfect. And it was like... I was stuck to the screen.

That, to me, was the peak of the movie. I don't know, man. That bear attack was pretty wicked. Oh. That bear attack looked fucking real, man. Yeah, it did look real. Like, I remember talking about it. Now that you say it, like, whatever, 50 PKs ago, I was like,

I don't know how they got a real bear to do that. You know? That's a well-trained bear. Remember The Edge? I watched The Edge a while back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just watched that. They used Bart the Bear in that one. That's a real bear, but he's just acting.

It's nowhere near as real. Is that the wolf movie? No, that's the gray. The edge is what the gray should have been, but with a bear. The edge said Anthony Hopkins. Anthony Hopkins and Alec Baldwin. And the guy in the wheelchair from Oz. From Oz, yes, exactly.

And spoiler alert, he is the black guy, so you know what happens to him. He lasts a pretty long time. He doesn't die first, though. He was the first one. That pilot takes a goose to the face going like 120. Yeah, that's a messed up way to go. It's better than what happened to the black guy, though. Wouldn't you rather take that goose to the face and then go down the flame?

The black guy is literally screaming. He's like, he's got me! He's got me! And the bear's got him by the thigh, and he's just swinging him around. Back and forth. And Alec Baldwin and Anthony Hopkins are just like, Fuck! And they just leave.

They just leave, and you can hear his screams. Well, you have to leave. What else are you going to do? If I had my own bear, I would help out. But no, I'm not going to jump into a bear fight. Because I could have the Nick Diaz groupie around me and charge towards the bear, and we're going to lose. I can't throw a monster can at that thing. It's the whole tripping the fat guy while the zombies are attacking our theory right

and what would you do let's say that you were whatever it took to properly motivate you to fight a bear like yeah would you just bring a rock i'm thinking a big you know uh sharpened spear what half handy and you get in there right like if you have to if it's a family member or someone you love in there like start start trying to get a ball Stick knife at least about a guy the other day that killed a bear with his bare hands that he shoved his Fist down the Bears throat and while the bear was biting on his arm trying to do something with like a mouthful of arm He chewed through the Bears jugular vein and killed the bear and this wasn't a baby He didn't like rough up a cub okay. He was like come here

You little fucker well He wasn't like that like a big fucking bear up a cub. He was like, come here, you little fucker. It wasn't like that. A big fucking bear attacked this guy, and he killed it with his bare hands. There's no way. There's a medical examiner's report where they validated his claims of how he killed the bear. Oh, fuck.

Are you a dad? No. Woody, what would you have... I can't imagine the pain those people went through in Florida. When that dad had to try and fight off that gator. Wait, did the dad try to fight off the gator? Yes. Oh, I thought the kid just vanished and they went looking.

No, the dad tried to fight it and he couldn't beat it. Can you give a quick rundown of this story? Oh, you don't know the story? A family was staying at Walt Disney World at one of the resorts, and they were watching a movie on one of the beaches at night, and the kids were playing around the wire at the edge of the water, and a crocodile or alligator came up and grabbed a two-year-old, pulled it underwater.

Dad heard the screaming, went, tried wrestling the child from the gator, and couldn't do it, and the gator took him under, and the search parties found the kid dead later, a couple days later. So the gator didn't even eat the kid? See, alligators will drown their prey

and leave it underwater to soften up. To rotten a little bit, because they can't chew, they have to just swallow hunks. So he was savoring that little fellow for later. When you mentioned fighting off a bear or whatever, I could not stop

fighting for my kid. I would have to go down with the gator or something. You know what I mean? Maybe the gator just took off. I always picture my fingers getting worked into eye sockets. Like, getting on in there. Look how small those eyes are. Yeah, and they have like a lid. Well, I mean to find it in the darkness in the water.

You know what I mean? That's a fair point. And it'll just close its eyes with its iron clad eyelids. And just kind of sit there because it's made of armor. And we're just woefully outmatched by every other animal. As a dad, Woody's dog is about the same size as my husky.

Just wrestling with a dog, you can feel the strength. Imagine a freaking full-grown alligator, man. That would just... Jeez, how do you live after something like that? It'd maybe just be a conscious suicide. Like, all right, I'm going down with the ship. Fuck it.

You know? It would have to be. Because, like, Jesus, Murphy. I'd have to live with my daughter, but at the same time, just, I don't know, man. Try and have to fight off something like that. And it's one thing fighting for your own life. That's a whole different story. But fighting for the life of your kid and having to, you know what I mean?

Live with that? Jesus Christ. How much is Disney paying out for that? Anything? Lots? I honestly don't know. I heard they put a fence up. That beach hat is not accessible. I heard they gave the family free passes for all the Epcot's That's what they do.

My daughter was attacked by an animal at Disney World. A horse. Was it a bird? It was a horse. It bit her. We were going to Mickey's Backyard Barbecue, and there were horses there. Me, being an idiot, thought the horses were Disney horses, right? They like people?

No. It turns out Disney horses are regular horses. The Louis C.K. pony story. I don't know this story. But anyway, there's not much to it. We went up. We wanted to pet the horse's nose. And the horse bit her arm hard.

And she still hates horses. That was like 10 years ago. Was there blood or anything? Or a mark? There were definitely teeth marks. But it wasn't like blood. It wasn't or anything or a marker where we're definitely teeth marks but it wasn't like blood it wasn't like only or a horse it was a horse I think it might have been used in the show like people wrote ponies ponies are especially like ornery not ornery is too kind they're really jerks like like they'll often like bite people just because they enjoy it they're like hey

there's a person. Fuck you. It's like a complex type of thing? Yeah, ponies are assholes. Yeah. We were watching the other day. We were watching – I watch the Fail Army videos on YouTube. I watch every single one of them. I really get a kick out of them.

And they had this kind of fail video where someone's riding like a barrel racing horse or a jumping horse or whatever, and the horse doesn't jump the boundary. It just stops, and the person falls off or whatever. Or maybe the horse stumbles as it jumps because it's being a shithead, and the person falls off. In every circumstance, I'm like, you know what I'd do? I'd get up, blow that fucking horse's brains out. I'd get up with a.44 mag, and I'd just boom! Bad horse right there. And I'd have every other fucking horse lined up in the stable watching. I'd be like, alright, next!

Next! Come here! That was going to the glue factory. Let's see if you can jump, Alpo. You're going to be fucking dog food tomorrow if you don't Oh, nope! Boom! And I was like, I hate that because that horse is smart enough to know what he did to you. And the rest of them should be smart enough to know what he did to you and

And the rest of them should be smart enough to know that you know an example has been set What you got dog child? Let's go Waste the whole stable I bet you end up with like one horse who's like down for your cause he's like I jump he says jump You're removing assholes from the gene pool. You're really doing humanity a favor. It's just to make sure that all those dead horse bodies are still there when you bring the next truckload in.

So they see what happened to dissidents. Yeah, I'm all about samples. Sorry, you know what the most satisfying fail army I've ever seen was the parkour one. Have you seen that one? Oh, there's one where it's the most vicious parkour

fails you ever see. Like guys trying to jump from one roof to the other roof. He doesn't only just miss a roof, but he clips it with his face. And it falls down on a dumpster. I mean, like, if any kid wants to try parkour, you show them this video and they'll never do it because, I don't

know, maybe I'm evil for being happy to see this, but wow. I'm happy to see that the same way I'm happy to see those guys in India who fuck with alligators and slap them in the eyes and everybody's like, oh, look at this. He's got such rapport with the creature.

And then it just, whoop, just sweats on their own. Itacks down on their head. It's like, you asked for this. That is a, that is an ancient being sitting in there that doesn't know why this bipedal ape is fucking with it. It just knows it gets fished periodically.

I want to see, have you been seeing those guys with the GoPros going into high-rise buildings and they'll put a foot over the ledge and everything? Hang by the fingers. Yeah, exactly. Dude, I sweat on my palms in the bottom, like whatever a foot palm is, just watching that stuff. Honestly, and I don't want to sound like a jerk, but as soon as we get video of one of those guys falling all the way down, I'll be like, serves the right asshole.

You know what the worst part is? I bet it breaks the GoPro. But I would love to recover that footage of the guy falling and screaming all the way to the bottom. Oh my god, I would love that. I would love that. It can be, come on, you can save the memory stack. It'll be fine. I hope he thinks about it.

Like, as he's falling a thousand feet, he grabs the GoPro and goes... I want to edit that video together. It's just silence, and then you see him trip and fall, and then it goes to like 0.7 speed, and you just hear, I believe I can fly. And you cut to maybe another angle of him, just like his eyes, just like... And then it's, I believe I can touch the sky.

And just mulling story after story. Those guys are really just saying to the world, I don't really care about my life very much. I don't even care if you're a dick. You were talking about Fail Army, or I was maybe. I watched the other day, and I saw pussy on Fail Army on YouTube. There was a girl who jumps and falls over a chair, and her vagina comes out. And I went frame by

frame, but that was definite vagina on Fail Army. I was very happy. Did she get hurt? She was fine. I don't mind the Fail Army ones where it's kind of... I thought you were going to say she got impaled or something. Jesus. Okay. I really don't like watching the bones, the bone-breaking ones. You can tell that it was just

some 14-year year old out on a day of BMXing with his friends and then 15 seconds later he's just MY ARM! What about that gymnast on the Olympics, bro? His leg was broken. It was just right in the middle of his

chin. His femur was just broken. Or would it be a tibula? Which one are you talking about? It was just right in the middle of his shin. His femur was just broken in half. Or was it a tibula? Which one are you talking about? Look to me like it was the one between your knee and your ankle. Yes, it was his shin. It's a shin bone, but I don't know what that's called.

It was... That's gone. Tibula or fibula or something. Maybe there's two bones there. I don't know. There could be any number of bones in here. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. As I look at my arm here,

I'm not quite exactly sure what the skeletal structure underneath would look like. I should know, right? There's two primary bones, the ulnar and the radial. Yeah, I know that one. But I can picture them perfectly. I don't know if they're round or if they're sort of oval-shaped. I don't know their shape and color. I don't really know what's inside of me.

I become a localized expert as I injure different shit. I think I could be a nurse for a knee, a forearm, broken noses. There's a couple little things here and there where I really understand what's going on decent with hands thanks Joe Lozon knock on wood yeah I injured my knee

once but I was no bones so what's the most painful injury you've ever had Wolf? three years ago I tore my MCL jumping off a car and paintball where where's your mcl is that your knee yeah my knee yeah and i tore that and uh thank the lord like i do martial arts and also do hot yoga so i'm flexible so doc said that's what saved me from not needing surgery that i was already flexible and i i tore a few things but now I'm 100% knock on wood so which one's worse the

MCL or the ACL because I hear ACL injuries more than MCL but they're both equally bad if you tear them so I don't know if one's worse than the other but that uh I was out it's funny because I got my biggest sponsorship that year and like January and I heard it up at that paintball game and I was out for like six months I think breaking my ankle was probably the most painful thing not when I broke it but they they didn't recognize that it was broken right away so I was walking around on it for a few days and then I woke up one night and just I woke up from the pain and I was like screaming out from the I wasn't crying or sobbing but I was just yelling I had hurt so much oh god oh god just like that just like it was just every time my heart would

beat I would feel so goddamn much pain in my ankle that I really was struggling with just handling it like nothing else mattered but that pain it was so bad that's how tooth pain is oh that's up there for me for it man like yeah tooth pain will make you go crazy like it will people have killed themselves before because tooth pain is so bad like they because it's just you just go bananas our mouths are kind of shitty and it's easy to have fucked up teeth. My slowest to recover from was my ACL. That took six months before I could play sports again and it seemed like it was

12 months more than that before it didn't hurt and I really didn't think about my knee. The worst pain I ever had was definitely the testicular torsion. That shit. Off the hook. Sweet God, it happens.

That's what happens when you go to a discount dominatrix. $100 an hour. You saved a little money on the front end, but those medical bills. Jesus, Murphy. I don't want to hear that one again. She just kept winding them up. Like a twine.

Just kept going and going winding them up like a It seemed like a good idea at the time around They stopped springing back the other way and we didn't know what to do I should have used that safety word when I was told did you ever do that as a kid like that? Oh, you know for a child okay? Maybe this is just me Like I thought that your testicles were just in that bag just like free floating like when you're like a little kid and so you don't know and so you're just futzing around down there sometimes i still remember the time where i'm like it's just a couple of balls hanging out in there and i like moved them swapped places i'm

like that's fine and i tried to do it again i'm like go and then it's back like okay now i've established a reality. There is something in there keeping it in order. Is there? I didn't even know that. Oh, my God. How do you not know this? Because mine are in stock.

You had testicular torsion. Here's the – See, now your whole theory about your injuries giving you medical insight is blown away. Oh, fair point. Fair point. I'll give you that. So here's the deal. When I was 15 – I'll tell you in fact.

It's been like 200 episodes. But here's the deal, when I was 15, I'll tell in a fact, it's been like 200 episodes, but here's what happened. I'm sitting in biology class, my genes are probably too tight. Not because I like them that way, because I'm in a growth spurt. And my balls hurt, they hurt a lot. And I don't know what to do,

I'm just trying to get more comfortable, but nothing I can do seems to relieve this tension and this problem that I'm having. I go to the teacher and I say, can I go to the nurse? And this teacher was kind of a hard ass about sending you to the nurse, but she sees me, I'm pale as a ghost, beads of sweat pouring down my face,

and she makes a classroom example. Like, you know what? Look at him. If you look like this, I'll send you to the nurse. So I go down to the nurse and I explain to her,, dude, my testicle is in a lot of pain. Like, I don't know what the scoop is with this, but that's where I am. And the nurse is a woman, and she doesn't want to, like, check it out herself. So she gets a gym teacher.

What? I'm sorry. This story really. That's her job. You're all going to go? I'll be right back. Ah, pussies. So she gets the gym teacher. The gym teacher

kind of cups it, and he's like, I don't know what's going on here, but there's nothing normal about this, you know? So they call an ambulance, and thankfully, to their credit, these adults were somewhat socially aware. They literally timed the ambulance so it would come between

classes. Like, at this school, the way the classes worked, there were these half periods. There were classes changes every, like, 18 minutes. socially aware they literally timed the ambulance so it would come between classes like at the school the way the classes worked there were these half periods their classes changes every like 18 minutes and they like strategically got the ambulance in and out such that like the whole world wouldn't see me and have questions so uh we got in the ambulance we zoomed to the hospitals and uh i'm on the i'm in the emergency room and I'm like, am I like faking? Cause I'm really like moaning and, and playing up the pain, but I'm in a lot of pain. And my father at one point was like, good, good. You got this. Cause they're all giving me like first attention. I'm like butting in front of all the other patients. And thankfully they did because this is time

sensitive. You've got something essentially choking. And what it is is your testicle spins in place, which is why I thought that they could do that. And I guess whatever held mine in place was longer than traditional. And he said that when he unspun it, they pinkened right up and it's wonderful to be 15. And then they give you a stitch stitch which you could feel right now if you were so inclined so I had an internal stitch holding my testicle in place so that it never happens again and the other one was like a little

turned but not choked so he gave me a stitch in that too just for good measure so is one of your balls just always attached to like the wall of your scrotum like just like both of them are but I don't really know any different like both of them are held in place yeah and it's been like that since I was 15 but I don't really know any different like I both of them are held in place yeah and it's been like that since I was 15 so I don't really have like and you know me in puberty that 15 was just the beginning so so like I don't really have like a long like pre like like post

puberty like I don't really know what happened now and then you could feel the difference after for the rest of your life like if it happened to be at 24 i'd be like oh this is what normal balls are like and this is what like you know they're not like but it happened to me at 15 and it will probably doesn't know but i was like no hair on my legs no armpits no muscles no anything at 15 i could pass for 12 so i don't really have a lot of like post-pty testicle experience. I only have my bionic balls to go by. Wow. That's – wow. Yeah, that wins the pain off, I think.

Well, I've got a funny little story. There's – What do you got? Something that I had that hurt a lot, a lot. you got something that i i had that hurt a lot a lot and i think i didn't hurt me as much because it actually i thought i actually uh broke my penis once yeah and uh i had a young lady who was uh jumping up and down to me and reversed that's how it happens that's exactly how it happens business and it was very, and I heard a crack, and I pushed her off.

She flew across the room, and I was like, just curse word, curse word, curse word. Yeah, and I was like... It was the scariest thing of my life, bro. And I was like, okay, you know what? Because you didn't hurt her. Oh, it hurt bad. It hurt. And I thought something was bad. And I was like, okay, you know what? Because you didn't hurt it. Oh, it hurt bad. It hurt. And I thought something was bad. And I was like,

I was like, you good, man? You good? You okay? We good? And she thought I was talking to her. I go, shut up. I was like, oh my, it was the scariest thing, bro. Was it totally just a non-event? Like, it hurt, but you were fine? Like, there was, you weren't crooked for the next 18 months?

I think it was bruised or something. I bet you that you broke some blood vessels i bet you broke stuff in there now you you can break that thing and permanently damage and your sensations um but yeah when women need i'm trying to think of how to say this but if you're going to ride a man's penis you should really learn more about penises and how to ride them. Otherwise, you're going to do some up-and-down bouncy thing that you saw in a porno once, and you're literally going to break my cock. And if you do that, then that whole domestic violence thing, it's open season at this point. You break my dick? I mean, that's like Declaration of War right there.

That's like, well, of course I'd never shoot a person. Well, what if China invaded? Well, you got to then, right? It's the Chinese invasion. You're like, would you ever hit a woman? Of course I wouldn't. What if she broke your dick in half? Oh, I'd beat her.

I'd do way more than hit. Like a rented mule. Ladies, if you're watching, here's what we want. Keep it deep. Keep it deep, right? Ladies, if you're watching, here's what we want. Keep it deep. Keep it deep, right? The only trouble we're running into is because you're getting high, right? This is a gallop, not a trot.

Keep it in. The going high is okay, but the problem comes when, you know, instead of keeping some on there, they just go, whoop, and then you're obviously not in place. You're all over the place. Maybe you're not at the right angle, and they come back down. I don't want to talk about it anymore. And you're off-kilter. Yeah, yeah. That's why I've got to keep it deep, right? If they're just working it like this, then

you're in good shape. It's not until they start doing this that you've entered the danger zone. Keep it in. I really wish I had a dildo, because you both have, like, ink pens. I wish I was like, yeah, it's this and like a fake pussy. So guys, what you want to do? Fucking the black guy breaks out the 12-inchers. That is all serious though. That's a real problem that is never talked about. Because you know that little feeling of of stress you get when you can see that someone's getting a little bit too gung-ho-y

and you're like, gung-ho. Gung-ho-y. You've got to put your hands there. And look, I learned long ago that the best thing to do if something during sex isn't going your way, if you say things the

correct way, you won't offend anyone but if she's gnawing on your dick you've got to say something if she's sucking on it like like she's trying to to peel a carrot you gotta be like whoa whoa whoa this isn't working we've got to do something different and likewise if she's bouncing up and down your cock and every time she goes up you're wondering if the the downstroke is going to be the last sexual experience you ever have. You know, something's going wrong there, too. She doesn't know how to ride your penis. And, you know, she'd probably talk about that.

That's not even a great position anyway. I'm not a big fan of the reverse cowgirl and the writing and everything. No, I would much rather be in control. All right, so what's the determining factor for how long this sexual experience lasts? Is it how much fun she's having or is it when am I going to come? It's, of course, when I'm going to come. So I don't want her in control. I want to be in control because then I can make this ride last 45 minutes or three hours, whatever you want.

But if you're on top just bouncing up and down and half the time I'm worried you're going break my dick, and the other half I'm worried you're going to make me cum too fast, then, like, that's not fun for me. I would put it on the top three hours. I did not play. Even 45 minutes is on the long end. I don't know what's happening. He wants to have sex for three hours. Well, that's what you need.

A good hour can happen with you doing that. No, you want things to be raw and chapped. You want that to be the only sex you're having for one week. Taylor knows. Taylor knows. I swear, if you have sex for an hour, expect some time

off. What we do, what I like to do, I guess, is we'll have sex until the point where maybe she'll come or I'll be about to come and I'll be like hey Let's watch some TV for a while like lately. Let's just we'll have like a 4 30 minute cool down period So when you're doing it that way then you can have like this fuck session that just keeps getting crazier and crazier But lasts for four hours

Whereas if you just fucked her four times like by the fourth time you're just like let's knock this out real quick All right, cuz in my world in my world she pretty much determines when we have sex i determine when it's over that's how it happens spider-man he's like i got you for three... What does he say? Like, three minutes and I got a wife. I don't know where you got rapey on that. I was just saying women say no and... You're like, I decide when it's over. Yeah. The guy determines when it ends.

Get in my van and let me take you home. Oh, fuck. Had to make it rapey. Rape out of the way. Let's get an ad. Advertisers love it when we put it right next to rape. Speaking of rape, do we have Casper mattresses?

Recently heard, and maybe correct me if I'm wrong, but the gentleman that we had on our show, the CEO of Dollar Shave Club, I think he sold the company for a substantial amount of monies. A billion dollars. A billion and a half something, billion. Okay. That's wonderful for him, but I'm sure the quality will stay the same because, guys, we really appreciate you listening to our show and wanted to do something to thank you. So we contacted our friends over at dollarshaveclub.com and we arranged for them to give new members

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So I can attest both to how good they are when you are shaving yourself. They do a great job at that. And I can also speak to how good of a job that they do on your lady maybe. Her vagina will be silky smooth. Just real good. Almost like it was waxed. Almost too smooth. A little slippery. Slippery. What's the ship to Canada?

Wonderful, wonderful shape. I don't know. Kyle, you should pursue a mustache. Absolutely. It's coming in, and I think you'll have to go through a little awkward stage, but when it starts doing the hang down, it'll be a real gung-ho,

rootin' tootin' kind of look. Those aren't for single guys, sir. Kyle, why don't you do it temporarily, though? Maybe if you just don't shave until Tuesday, right when we do PKN, you can rock a mustache for an hour. No, because for one thing, I've got the Jon Snow syndrome. I notice that they fix him up.

I pay attention to guys who have the same affliction as I have with my – Patchy. Yeah. So Jon Snow's mustache is shit. It's terrible. It's completely bald right in the middle. So Jon Snow's mustache is shit. It's terrible. It's completely bald right in the middle. I have a similar thing going on.

They put fake hair on his. I was like, that's such poor shit. I wish I had a team of people come in every morning and give me a better mustache so it would look cooler. I'm upset with that. They're giving him a fake mustache. Can you get in close? I want to see that mustache. We'll stay right here. Oh, God. They're giving him a fake mustache. Can you get in close? I want to see that mustache. We'll stay right here. Oh, God, you're so scared.

We'll stay right here. Well, no, it's not his best foot forward. Maybe it's because from where you are right now, it looks full and good. I had an accident when I was a kid, and I slid across asphalt, and it ground off where the hair comes in in a big spot. So there's just a bald spot right here because no hair can grow there. So I look a lot better if I keep it really trimmed or if it's been growing for like a day or two days or something. Not going to be growing any beards or doing anything like that.

Wolf, I don't know if I missed it, but you're Canadian? Me? Yes. Are you a hockey fan at all? Not anymore, because I live in Toronto. Oh, you were a Leafs fan? Yeah. And you just got too depressed? Yeah, it's not nice.

I've lost enough hair. I don't need to lose anymore. You'll be better this year. It's funny. With regards to facial hair, though, my kids call me Wolverine because mine grows like overnight. Like, I get hair everywhere except for here. Ah. The chest.

I'm going to be in a boat in about like 10 years. Like, I hope that's not, I hope I keep my hair. Because I will not look good bald. My head is just too fucking big. It's too big. One good thing about being a black guy is that we look good. You've got to get really jacked. That's what you've got to do. you go bald. You've got to get

jacked to make it work. Look at Vin Diesel. That's an ugly man to begin with, but when he gets jacked, he can pull the whole thing off. I'm looking at you right now and I feel like if you had some traps, if your shoulders were just... It's not like a year's worth of work we're talking.

If you worked out hard for three months, I feel like you could pull off an egghead look especially with the beard it's it's a very interesting look i'm envisioning it right now maybe someone could edit us together a bald taylor with like like more muscular i saw taylor linked me this thing the other day and the quote the quotation was just us, and it's me and Taylor in dresses in Laura Ingalls Wilder's time or something like that. No way. In these flowing flowery dresses

hanging out with each other. You were not that ugly of a girl. I looked horrible. Yeah, that's not the first time. I'm the kind that women would like, they'd be like, I'm all in favor of anybody going to the bathroom next to us but Jesus Christ she whatever didn't even shave

that is why I vote Republican yeah you see now and the gay guy would be like yeah I, yeah, I'm voting Republican next year too. Fuck that shit. He does not belong in there. Or the gay guy would be like, actually,

I'd prefer him with you. Anything to keep away from me. It wouldn't look good. It looks like I just have normal length hair. Now, this is an illusion. It's a buzz cut, and my head actually just goes right up to the top. This is all none of its hair. It's just skull.

It's a whole thing. Just a little cropping on top. Anyway. My head's too big to go bald. I could get really jacked. You don't want to be a George Costanza. No. No, you don't want to be like George. I'm out of George!

George looked so bad for that entire decade of Seinfeld that it actually gets sad towards the end, where you're like, oh, Jesus, George. Maybe you have to be ugly to have this part, but, God, you're just horrible. He looked better than I thought. There was a scene where he posed in his boxers on a couch.

You guys familiar with this? He looked surprisingly good to me. I expected him much... He goes, I feel fat. Kramer goes, you're stout. You're powerful. You're stout. Powerful.

He comes over and does this little, hey, now listen, i'm here to help you here i don't want you to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable and and it's totally like just what would happen with like a porn producer going to some 80 year old girl like look this is gonna be good for your career uh i don't know you're uncomfortable with but look this is what all the big stars do and we're gonna make it so get in there. He starts taking all these tasteful photos. Oh, so bad. He's bent over in his

whitey tighties. Ah, man. I thought George looked better. He looked better than I envisioned him naked. He did because it wasn't a belly. He was just stout and thick looking. It seemed like his fat distribution was perfect.

Whereas most guys get love handles and man boobs and a beer belly or something like that. He just got a little bit bigger everywhere. Yeah, he just widened. Everything got a little bit bigger. It was like a straight body thing. Yeah, just a rectangle.

Like a dwarf or something. It worked. You were like, okay, he's a short, stocky, bald man. He was built like a rectangle. Like a dwarf or something. It worked. You were like, okay, he's a short, stocky, bald man. He was built like a dwarf from Lord of the Rings. That's a good comparison. He didn't mine very well. No, not a good miner. Aren't the dwarves good miners?

The dwarves are very good miners in Middle Earth. Some would say they're the gold standard. But Costanza was a lousy employee. And he wouldn't do any work for anybody. Mr. Kruger. Mr. Kruger. Anyway, we got another...

Yeah, yeah. Let me see here. I've got these 8-may questions here. I like these. I like them too. These have been improving. There's one for Kyle and I. So the one for me is,

Hey, Woody, since you've accomplished paramotoring, what do you think you'll focus your vlogs around now? In my head, like, no, the question is wrong. My vlogs focus around me, and I'm not going to, like, like, I enjoy paramotoring, so I'll continue to do that. And when I'm not interested in it i'll do something different but i don't like do things so that i have vlog footage like just for the sake of vlogging yeah exactly no the vlogs follow me around i don't like chase the next interesting thing and uh and i know some guys do that and it's it's kind of cool and i

can see why you like watching it but i'm not not going to alter my life to get vlog footage. And then it says, Kyle, have any video plans coming up soon? Do you work on anything, Kyle? I know you got stuff. Yeah, so I should have my state blasting license back by next Monday, this coming Monday. So then I'm pretty good. I should be good to go with explosives.

What? So I know you had your federal for some time now. I didn't realize there was another level yeah no one did yeah it's a specific thing do most states have a thing i don't know about most but um most of the ones that my friends inhabit that are that are my like experts that i lean on for this sort of advice don't so i don't think tennessee or texas do and californ California is a whole different thing. Cali is so weird. But yeah, it turned out there's a state thing. It's not a big, long waiting period or anything, or even a great cost. It's more like getting a concealed carry permit. But I'm having my lawyer file it because looking through the

application process, I didn't know what some of the options were. So out of my hands, once again, that's floating around. But yeah, we've been building sets. I've been building a bunker to protect myself from explosives. We poured this big concrete pad and then stood it up as a wall so that I've got this thing to stand behind if I'm throwing grenades. I can stand here, throw a grenade, and then just move eight inches to the left and then stay on camera while you see the grenade go off. So yeah, we've been working on a

bunch of stuff. My network is, there's two TV shows that they're working on right now because a TV network came to them and wanted me in a show and then they have their own idea for a TV show with me. I hope I'm not saying anything bad here by saying this, but I don't think either one of them was probably going to come to fruition. I've been through maybe 18, I've been through this process maybe 18, 20 times. So whenever they come to me like,

do you have any ideas possibly for a TV show? It's like, yeah, here are the files. Here are the TV show files. Here's everything that we can do, will do, and what it costs. But yeah, they're working on a thing right now that might... They're saying would be on A&E, and it would be like

Walking Dead related, but again, don't think that's going to happen. And what else are we doing? Doing some body armor testing with dynamite. I think that's going to be coming up soon, because the first explosives that I'm ordering are the dynamite, because I've gotten in touch with the producer, the supplier.

He's not very far from me. And so once I get my state license, I'll be good to go. Hopefully next week. I'm looking forward to that. Nice. Nice. Never-ending process of bullshit paperwork. Oh, and then there's the, not TSA, but DOT. Then I start my DOT paperwork.

That's the next thing. But that's for some other stuff. Is that related to explosives? Yeah, yeah. You know, if I'm going to be transferring a certain type of explosive, you know, on the roads, then there's some DOT stuff that I've got to get knocked out.

Damn. It sounds like such a pain. It's a pain in the ass to get your license plates renewed if you forget a bill at home. Much less to get a fucking card that says I can blow shit up and sell it legally. I can't imagine the bureaucracy you have to get through. Yeah, because even though all I want to do is light a stick of dynamite on my YouTube video, I have to get the same licensing as if I wanted to invent a high explosive in my laboratory and then transfer it to

Alaska on the state highways for profit. I have to get the same license as that guy. I have to be a manufacturer of high explosives. And it's been a bit of a process, that's all. Very frustrating, but I try not to complain about it at all because nobody wants to hear that. You do a good job of keeping it light. See, that's what you got to do. See, that's my whole lifestyle is you just bottle it up, bottle it up. Push it down, way down. Push it to a little ball.

Just imagine a black sphere of just infinite mass, and the mass just becomes so great with hate and anger and fear that eventually it implodes and just starts sucking everything into it and then you'll just feel fine. I wake up every morning, I do that, then I go about my day. Nothing unhealthy about that at all.

I'm feeling good. Wish I could stop vomiting blood though. Yeah. feeling good. Wish I could stop vomiting blood, though. Kyle and Taylor, how likely is it that we will get to see a PKA-based road trip involving Pokemon Go? I would

say that the odds are zero. Zero percent chances of that happening. As of now, because the game just they haven't added trading. 10,000 to 1 or something would be the odds. I'll say 10,000 to 1. chances of that. The odds are zero as of now because the game just, they haven't added trading. That's not odds though. 10,000 to 1 or something would be the odds. I'll say 10,000 to 1 because the game just isn't that fun at this point.

There's no trading. If me and Kyle went on a big excursion or something, we couldn't even turn to each other and trade or battle or do anything. So it'd be like both of us playing. I may as well head out from St. Louis with him on FaceTime and he leavesorgia on facetime we just talk about it because that's about the same shit like there's it's just it's not that fun of a game right now are you

agreeing with that yeah yeah i'm pretty much burnt out on it um wolf did you get into pokemon uh it's one game and i'm a gamer per se but i, but I guess I missed that bracket of playing games of Pokemon. I just never got into it. I mean, I let my son play it, and he's going around with my phone and stuff. And I'm actually jealous of those who get to play it because I see the excitement in it. It looks really cool, but it's not my thing. Yeah, it's a ton of fun as a nostalgia thing.

Me and one of my friends, like a month ago now, went to forest park which is a park a large park around here in the city and we just walked around and he had one of those things on his phone that said how far you actually walk because that counter on the pokemon go app does not work not even close to working and we walked 10 miles trying to catch Pokemon and shit over the course of hours. And it was just like a fun little, like, man, this is neat. This is a neat thing to do. Like, it takes me back to, like, 1997 or whatever when I was playing the first Pokemon game on the Game Boy. This is fun.

But it's all just novelty. It's 100% novelty. Once the novelty wears off, it's like, huh, do I want to play this, or do I want to pick up my Game Boy and play a full game of Pokemon that I remember? It's like, well, obviously I pick up the one with all the battling and the fun and not the one that drains my battery and tries to trick me into buying balls. So did you like take an Uber

back or something or like you walked all the way back or what? Well, we went like we walked from his place to the park, which is in the middle of the downtown area, and we walked around there for I guess like seven and a half miles worth and then we walked back so it was about 10 miles of walking uh didn't get any good pokemon either i just got

a bunch of items so that was upsetting it always seems to be the story when you talk about like yes i played this and like i don't know the hatching got you nothing good you haven't seen a new pokemon in x amount of days stuff like it's kind of like if you like are if you go to the gym every single day and you work your fucking ass off and then you go to the locker room and you roll a dice and you're like ah shit evens i guess i don't get any credit for working out today and like you just didn't build muscle and didn't do anything after you put all the time in that's what it feels like it's like i just played your fucking game the way you told me to

and i didn't get anything out of it so but you don't know until they make that game better right you get like stardust and you get like stardust and pokeballs yeah but those things lose their value once you don't care about the other part yeah yeah so really i'm not playing anymore until they make it better but i'll jump back in and play a bit when I'm driving around or something. So it would be like playing Call of Duty or Battlefield and you're killing all these people, but you're not going up in rank is what you're saying. Kind of like that, yeah.

You're putting all the time in and playing the game the way you're supposed to, but you get no payoff is kind of what it's like. But yeah, I don't know why someone would even think that Kyle and I were planning an excursion across the country to play this because we jokingly mentioned it one time and people take what we say far far too seriously power of the interwebs or maybe they just thought it was a good idea i mean it would be a fun idea like i think that like like i like road trips i've been on lots of road trips and really long ones like multi-day road trips cross-country and then back again

And I like that as long as you get a nice car So I would do a road trip style trip, but it's like I don't want to record it Like I don't be vlogging the whole thing I would hate that and like so like yeah if I guess we get Patrick from over in the UK bring his ass over and Throw him in the car and and then have him record it and then you guys can watch it. But I just don't see how that would ever happen. I don't see what would be the genesis

of me and Taylor getting into cars and going anywhere to do anything. What you should do is go to this adventure of going to every big city and going to the worst ghetto slum and seeing what kind of Pokemon you can find in each place in America. That was the first story of Pokemon Go going wrong

is here in downtown St. Louis, someone got mugged because they were looking in the wrong area for Pokemon and someone on their stoop or wherever was not happy about some Pokemon hunters in there. Well, you know what people were doing. So there's a mechanic in the game where there are these pokey stops and they're based i think i heard this yeah they're based on like you know real historic locations so the post office might be one your church might be one and you can place a lure in this pokey stop that will make the the pokemon spawn there more more rapidly three times more rapidly. And so what people would do is they put a lure in this PokeStop out in the middle of nowhere,

and then when some dude comes along looking at his phone lured in by the PokeLure, they whip his ass and take his phone. They whip his ass and take his phone and rob him. They're just like, huh, that only costs one lure. I got an iPhone for 60 cents. Exactly. How much are you paying for them lures? He's paying a lot.

You're buying lures on his phone. Now you're putting his lures in the thing to get more kids to beat up. It's harder and harder to steal phones. Those are enterprising young criminals if you think about it. Everybody was like, oh, I can't believe that's happening. Beware, beware. But some kid was out there and he was like, hmm, Pokemon's cool, but how can I make some money playing it? He's got a bright future.

Yeah, is it that clever though or is it just... I mean, robbing people isn't necessarily, you know, I feel like he robbed people very intelligently. He came up with a really good plan there. I feel like you give the criminal a lot of credit. I remember when I was a kid, they used to be like, that drug dealer's a really good salesman. Fuck that drug dealer. He's selling drugs. They're so easy to sell.

Sell a Plymouth, right? Then I'll be impressed. You move fucking Plymouth, you're a salesman. You move pot and heroin, that shit sells itself. Sells itself. You think that in Oz, if they had Pokemon Go, people would be getting raped over Snorlaxes and stuff? Trying to...

It's my fucking Snorlax! That Snorlax belongs to the Sicilians! You know, like, whatever. Be fighting so hard for that Wi-Fi password. Yeah. All of the fucking router, and it would be war. Oh my gosh, he would be a king.

Alright, it's PizzaPie101. PizzaPie101. You could always tell when the Aryans took it, because it'd be something horrible. Yo, homie, you gonna open up that hotspot or what? Better add me right now. could always tell when the arians took it because it'd be something horrible yeah your homie you're gonna open up that hot spot or what you better add me right now that would be the worst because it seems like i can imagine myself in a scenario where like a guy asked for a favor that doesn't

seem too far-fetched like hey let me use your toothpaste and i'd be like well of course have a bit of my I I don't know how many uses one one tube has but it's it's like 80 or 100 at least seems like a lot but then what if he's like give me your socks too and well well these are the this is the only pair of socks I have for today I believe we all had the one pair like like correctional officer johnson mentioned earlier remember the one pair and you know whites and black socks and keep them separate in the laundry and the next thing i know he's just raining blows into my ear and and taking my socks off my one pair of socks and i you just kept hitting me i don't know where to draw the line yeah because i feel like in prison you can't give an inch or you're a or you're pussy. You can't even give the time.

There was a guy in – Exactly. What's the HBO movie where the kid goes to – like what happened last night or – Night Of. Night Of, the Night Of, right? So he's in there and then another inmate goes like, oh, man, I forgot my commissary card. Can I borrow yours? And he's like – he knows it's not a good like he's not supposed to

say yes but what's he supposed to you know he's like yeah i guess you could buy mine you know borrow mine and then all of a sudden he's like all right i need like six tubes of toothpaste 15 packets of ramen i'm gonna need some like baby lotion this that the guy like loads up with all this stuff and he just got robbed and he looked like a bitch and it's like I could see making that mistake so may ask you for a commissary card your best response is to hit him in the nose as hard as you can nobody fucks with you after that you might be right it's a shit about your commissary card they're like they see a commissary car on the on the floor and they're like don't touch it man that's kyle's don't touch that car if it i was just

gonna take it back to him yeah yeah just tell him where it is i feel like what would really happen is kevin hart and uh and will ferrell when he's got to teach him to go to prison picturing all these scenes like oh my the innocence is awesome gracious i got a topic yeah so youtube's coming up with a new service called backstage and i had to read this article a couple times to understand like what it really. But they're trying to compete with the other social media platforms. And basically, YouTube is already a place to post videos. It's going to be a place where you can post text, videos, and polls to your personal page. So your YouTube

I guess channel page. I made that up. It didn't say that. But your personal page, which to me is your channel, you can also post text, video, and polls. It's interesting. Text is Twitter, right? Twitter or Facebook. I wonder if it'll

change the game at all because the real problem with these things is critical mass. I could build a better Twitter and it wouldn't be interesting because that's not where the people are but if youtube suddenly like google plus i guess nobody ended up using it because nobody went over there exactly that i like i don't know if google plus is better than facebook or not but certainly because it was empty no one get like it was is it just fell flat and they tried to force it down our throat. I hate that.

You start being like, use this, use this, use this. I'm like, I will never use it. Fuck you. I'll circle back to that. You might be onto something. But I wonder, I don't know. If YouTube becomes the platform that is all this stuff because people are there anyway, maybe it'll be an interesting thing.

because people are there anyway. Maybe it'll be an interesting thing. As far as forcing people to use it, I think what they were trying to do was make YouTube less toxic, right? So they're like, all right, your Google page has to have your real name, and everyone's going to... They're trying to transition people

to take away their anonymity so they wouldn't be douchebags. Because on Facebook, I don't want to say Facebook is this panacea, heaven, oasis, wonderful place. It's millions of private echo chambers that exist amongst themselves because you push out the people

who disagree with you most of the time and bring in those that do. YouTube, on the other hand, it can be... Comment sections are brutal on YouTube. Brutal. But you can control it, at least. Somewhat.

You talking about the censorship stuff? Well, yeah, a little bit. It doesn't work nearly as to what is good. I mean, I wish YouTube would work on their friggin' copyright stuff instead of this nonsense, personally. Like, I'll get dinged for stuff that I own outright, and it's like, anyone can claim it for no reason, and it's like, I have to fight for it.

It's like, I made this crap in my basement, you know what I mean? So it's like, why don't they work on that before they try and outreach to that other nonsense? Yeah, I had that stuff. Songs I'm singing. I don't know if you've heard me sing, but it's yeah i remember it's not good yeah no one's confusing him with anything but it's like that really sounds like him i don't know is that baby boy oh never happens never happens and uh or i'd have copyright free music that like i needed to have more stuff in the descriptions for and and that was a challenge too so don't go through that

i'm glad i've never had any issues whatsoever with that um that i can remember or think of and there was a time when i had a track that son Sony owns playing in the background of a video with millions of millions of views. There's a Sony track playing in the back of it and they never caught it. It never came up. Nobody ever cared. Believe it or not, Sony Entertainment or whatever that big corporation is called owns the Russian National Anthem. Really?

The song that's like, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na. Yeah, the victory music in Call of Duty. Yeah. Yeah. Fucking Sony owns that shit. That's insane. This fucking Ruski sold out big time, right? Jesus.

Listen, I was playing in a paintball battle, and there was a guy walking with music playing on speakers on his backpack or something. And I got dinged for the music that he was playing on his speakers while shooting. Copyright strike. Yeah. Fucking asshole. Yeah. I was like, what the heck?

I went to a friend's wedding. And, like, it was like a full, like, day, you know? Like, we went there. They walked down the aisle, whatever. And then nine minutes into the video, there's 30 seconds of us dancing at the reception. Copyright issues. And I'm like, I'll just take the video down. It's not like it's getting long-tail.

I got a copyright threat years ago. This is so long gone. I never got one. So I assume this is how they do it, where they'll say you have to change something. And if you don't, they go through with it or maybe that was like their automated thing but i got my ads taken off a video where i just uh it was right after hurricane sandy happened and i just took footage from um the day after tomorrow as new york is being bulldozed and destroyed and then i cut out the audio of um of a newscaster having a conversation

about Hurricane Sandy being like, oh my god, the carnage, oh, are you okay down there, are you okay? And it's just footage of the day after tomorrow as the waves are barreling through the city and killing everyone. And oh man, a lot of people did not care, I thought it was really funny, people did not care for that. Because I did it as Hurricane Sandy was happening, so it wasn't very tactical the first like wave the first wave of social justice warrior like right now everyone you know they're offended about this or that

you go back like four years they would just hunt for people who talked about current events right if someone if there was like an earthquake and then you talked about how that earthquake had an impact on you, you're a dick. Oh my god, you monetized those people's debts. If you make YouTube videos that aren't normally news, what people hated was when

someone who's normally making gaming content would make a video titled Tsunami in Tunisia or whatever, and then sort of like all of a sudden become a news channel to end their eyes. But the real issue that I see with that is, mind your own fucking business.

Well, what happened to me is, so my video, while I was gaming in the background pretty consistently, like 95% of the time, the topic I talked about was anything, right? You know, oh my God, some kid scared about an upcoming surgery, Google Fiber rolling in, business, weather, whatever. And I would get like hundreds or thousands of tweets being like, oh my God, Woody, talk about this.

Talk about this like major event. They wanted to hear my opinion on it. And heaven forbid I gave it because then there's another whole group of people saying like oh my god can you believe what he just talked about this well you did have the annotation that said click here and we'll get these people off the roof with that black family on that roof I mean there's a million like to send aid Favorite this video to teach these guys how to swim. I think every subscriber that Woody gained, he sent a bottle of water to Katrina. A bottle of water.

Just one bottle. That's a lot of bottles of water. You get 20,000 subs in a week or something. You're coming up with a lot of bottles of water if you get 20,000 subs in a week or something. You're coming up with a lot of water. The poll thing maybe sounds interesting. The rest of the other stuff they were talking about, I don't see it. I need to see it though, right? I need to see what this text feed will look like to me, the subscriber.

So I need to go in, log into my YouTube channel, subscribe to eight people I like again because I don't subscribe and utilize a YouTube channel. I just go and watch what I want at this point. And I need to see what happens when Woody's Gamer Tag makes a text post. What comes to me, the subscriber? Is this going up on a feed somewhere? Is there a paragraph with Woody's face at the top left of it like he just wrote an editorial? Because that would be nice, right? And you can post pictures too.

So it's Instagram, it's Twitter, it's Facebook, it's all these things. And you just need a proper feed that's interesting. See, the problem with this is it really, oh man. See, this is good for the company and bad for the video maker though, as far as revenues are gonna go. Because you're not gonna get, you think they're gonna pay me pay me for my text posts or

my polls or my images now hey maybe if they maybe they will maybe they're gonna put a banner ad next to each image i post in which case i'll i'll start taking lots of pictures right uh but i don't think that's the case i think that all we're doing is clogging up the feed um and and distracting people from the monetized product, which is the video. And now all of a sudden Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter just jumped on inside

of YouTube and interspaced itself between the uploads, which were already fucking blown out and hard to find anyway. Or maybe people spend more time on YouTube and it takes away from Facebook and Twitter and Instagram. What YouTube needs is a holy shit moment. Like when the biggest spend more time on YouTube and it takes away from Facebook and Twitter and Instagram.

What YouTube needs is a holy shit moment. Like when the biggest thing that has happened in a long time is when Instagram stole Snapchat's concept with their storyline. Like I'm a huge, I love Instagram. I've got a lot of fans on there and stuff. And when they took Snapchat'sats idea put on Instagram that like Blew everyone out of the water like and the whole world stopped doing OMG look at this like I don't even use my snapchat anymore I just strictly do my Instagram instant snap stuff like that's what YouTube needs to come up with something that

Stuff like that's what YouTube needs to come up with something that Mind-blowing to just not a simple thick little a few more texts and tie like they gotta go YouTube needs to be doing funding contests where amateur video makers compete in film contests for YouTube and then are rewarded with The money or the resources to put their project take their project ideas to the next level. That's what I want to see. They should be having the YouTube Film Festival once a year, where everyone brings their best product in many different categories forward, and they compete. And the audiences get together and figure out, or maybe critics too,

do a reality show if you want to. We can all text and vote in if we want. But figure out who wins in the special effects department. The firearm category, if that's even a thing. Whatever. A little self-serving. The gaming. And then in the end, you're like, holy shit. This guy we never even heard of made the best amateur horror movie. We're going to give him $250,000

and a film crew and a set to work on for six months. He's going to make his horror movie Come on. It's a great idea, right? Sounds better than text posts and polls. I hear you and it would make It would add some content like it would do a little content would dribble in that's high quality, but not a ton of content What I would like from YouTube is just better scrolling on the videos like When I want to go forward 30 seconds or back, I feel like that process is shit.

Really? The loading time you mean? Yeah, it doesn't buffer far enough ahead, right? So if I have a 12 minute video and I want to go to 6, it doesn't matter if I let it buffer for a while. It doesn't do that. If I want to go back 3 seconds, it seems like I can't. I have to go back 5 or 2.

It's not smooth. While that is a a bit annoying i bet that saves them an enormous amount of bandwidth one way or another i i bet it's i bet doing it the way that we would all like it so that you could insta click anywhere in it like it's a dvd player would like double fold their the fucking cost that's the way it used to be because it's barely breaking even as it is. Kyle's right. I bet it would be very expensive in terms of bandwidth and process of time and stuff. Of course, doing it for one video is... I want it to be like DLC. You know when you have a movie locally

and you can just scroll around and how nice it is? That's what I want. I want that experience. I'm surprised YouTube hasn't done something kind of like Netflix or Hulu or Amazon or started doing their own original programming or something like that. Because it seems like everybody has YouTube on their – Don't they have YouTube Red or something like that?

Yeah, they've got YouTube Red, and they support people. What they'll never do because it's counter to what YouTube is is be like, welcome to the YouTube show with these writers and actors that we hired from Hollywood. That doesn't make any sense at all. What makes sense is to grab people from the community and fund their projects and have them come on board and collaborate. Because that's what YouTube is about. That's their thing. And they do that. YouTube Red to me is

no ads. Is YouTube Red something where there's actual a series like The Wire on there that YouTube is funding for YouTube creators. I thought so. I thought that there was content that's just on YouTube Red that's higher-grade content with acting and story-driven plots and stuff.

But honestly, I'm not into that stuff. So here, I just pulled it up. Ad-free and offline video. That, to me, is what I thought YouTube Red was. It's like having ad block in that you never get any ads. And also, especially cool for people who watch things like PKA, if you have it on your phone, it doesn't have to be in the foreground. You can watch PKA and go over to Reddit or browser or whatever.

It doesn't have to be in the foreground. So YouTube Red gives you that. It gives you uninterrupted music and it gives you original shows. And that Kyle was talking about, but I didn't know about the original shows. I've just seen billboards of like, when I was in LA, there were like YouTube Red billboards and they had like a cast and crew kind of like up, up there on the billboard. And I didn't recognize any of them

but I was like oh okay I see what's going on here or I took that to be the case. It might be that they took some of the most popular YouTubers and they have YouTube Red exclusives but I could be off on that. I bet that's true. I don't care either way to be honest. I'm not

interested in that. It's not a big factor in our lives personally. There's so much stuff on youtube already to watch and when you have hulu amazon netflix hbo whatever like stars i'm not gonna yeah i'm not gonna get through all that content on its own much less a whole new service making shit like uh house of cards or whatever i like the offline thing like i if i were to watch that's pretty nice yeah i'll literally be the only reason why i got it and you know i downloaded i downloaded see so the other day it's it's not an ad it's not a sponsor for tonight's show uh but they are a sponsor that recurs with us and uh i downloaded it to watch um uh monty python's holy grail the other night and i i really like that service. It's HD. It's good quality.

I've gotten some other services and it was just really shitty quality video. I was like, who would watch this? But Seesaw was actually pretty cool. Nice. Speaking of ads, let me get in this Blue Apron ad. It's the last of the night. Blue Apron's mission is to make

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Very cool. Check out Blue Apron, a better way to cook. Very cool. Check out Blue Apron. It'll expand the recipes. Did I tell you, Woody, or maybe on the show, like, what the awful smell that I spelled in my house was a while back that took me a while to find? Oh, jeez. Where are we headed with this?

Dead animal? I thought it was a dead animal, but what it turned out to be was in the kitchen, there's like a nook. There's like a corner, and there's paper towel holders there, and then there's a lot of stuff stacked up there. The mixer's there, and unfortunately, a bag of potatoes had been put all the way in the back corner and forgotten about. Now, when potatoes sit on your countertop and rot for three months, they then liquefy. So I had this rancid,

liquid potato stuff, like goo, like all behind the splash guard and all over the countertop. I kept smelling it, and I was just, I was like looking everywhere. I was like,

a rat died in the crawl space. A fucking rat has died in the crawl space, because I recognized that smell from when I was looking everywhere. I was like, a rat died in the crawl space. A fucking rat has died in the crawl space. Because I recognized that smell from when I was a kid. And a rat died under our house. And for six weeks, it smelled awful. It's a terrible smell. But I kept thinking, it'll go away. It'll go away.

Because there's nothing else you can do. What are you going to do? Crawl into a crawl space and look for a carcass of a mouse this big? Eventually, he just dries up. And he's a crusty. And it's over. Those taters were not getting any better and finally kitty kitty was cleaning the kitchen and she discovered them and i just hear in there oh no i found it i found the smell she's in there with like rubber gloves like she's about to stick them up a cow's ass, down to her elbow, bleach, fucking all kinds of cleaning supplies.

So we sterilized that fucking kitchen. But it smelled like rotten shrimp, which is disgusting. That's a horrible smell. Yeah, rotten shrimp. I had the opposite experience. So in high school, I don't remember why, but we brought a potato to school. Maybe it was for science or something. And our locker had like a little shelf for the top foot of it.

And I put the potato up there and didn't really think much of it. Time would pass and time would pass. And I don't know. The potato like got in the way. So I tried to move it, but it didn't move. Like it was kind of, I was like, ah, fuck it. Didn't think much of it. A few more weeks later go by.

And now the roots are like the potato is growing. It's growing in my locker. I'm not watering it or anything. The roots, there are these like ventilation holes, and they're like coming and going and twisting and all around. It's got a good grip on my locker. It kept growing until the school year ended. Then we have to like thoroughly clean out our lockers and have them inspected. And then I just ripped it free from the roots and then I could get the roots out.

You let a potato grow in your locker all year after one attempt to move it where you went, nah. That's pretty much how it went down. Hey, buddy, you want to get it moving? No? All right. Hang on. All right. All right.

You know, you want to stay here for nine months? You stay here for nine months. That's how it went. Yeah. Well, alright. You know, you want to stay here for nine months, you stay here for nine months. That's how it went, yeah. I thought it was cool. After that long of a lifespan, at the end of the year, I would have taken him out carefully and, like, planted him somewhere nice so he could see the sunlight for once. Everybody, like, people were definitely noticing.

Give him a Shawshank moment. Yeah, right? People were noticing, like, Tuber Boy over there with his potato growing in his locker. They had to notice because every time you opened it, they had to be like, Woody has had a fucking potato growing in his locker since December. You'd have to be like seven foot tall. It's above your head where the shelf is. That's dedication, bro.

The rotten, rotten tomato. I think mine rotted because maybe they were clumped together. I think that creates a whole scenario. Tomato or potato? Potato. Oh, yeah, rotten tomato. I guess, I think mine rotted because maybe they were, like, clumped together. Wait, was yours a tomato or a potato? Potato. Oh, yeah, mine too. Yeah, yeah. I don't think a tomato would start growing shit out. If it is, that's a fucked up tomato. For some reason, the thing that smells really,

really bad when I can't find it is broccoli. I don't have enough broccoli in the house to really know. It's having the kids lost one behind the stove once and it's like I found it it really stank up the place like a bag of it

last night Melissa as a snack wanted a bunch of fucking broccoli and so she made a bunch of it and boiled it and like in the middle of boiling broccoli there's just that permeating smell of like heat and homelessness and poverty and you're just like this is

no wonder so many people complain about eating this it smells rancid like if someone from a different culture showed up and we were like we're having broccoli they'd be like giving each other eyes like are we fucking doing this? like ow these fucking westerners like how these fucking Westerners like shoes in there leather is a delicacy to them don't say anything all

they have you accept what they give you you know how they are with guns. They're very irritable people. Mmm, yummy! Mmm! I try to stay away from the vegetables. I started my diet two days ago, so it's mostly consisted of grilled chicken so far. Since

PKN, I've had 1,100 calories. When Kyle decides to lose weight, he goes hard in the paint. He's like, we're not going to eat until September. I'm doing the Alshowitz diet. Yeah, I like to get real faint. I like to be working out and getting dizzy.

And that's how I know things are working. You know you're treating your body right when little bits of strain or standing too quickly is enough to phase you. Yeah, you get those gray outs where you stand up too quick and the blood leaves your head. And you're like, oh, shit, I haven't eaten in a couple hours here, a couple days here. I have to take it easy. Yeah, I have some goals that i'm trying to meet quickly what vegetables do you like for like two months oh man you're asking me what vegetables i like see i hate when people ask this question this is one of those

questions when when i feel like this is the equivalent of if i so so how was your family growing up but your family was like all molesters or they like or like they died in a car accident when you were seven and you watched them burn alive. So when you ask me what vegetables I like, I'm like... Corn on the cob? So you really resent vegetables? I like potatoes. Corn on the cob? Potatoes are not a vegetable. I count them as a vegetable though.

I don't care. That tuber is a vegetable to me. It's a starch, sure, but it comes out of the ground. Alright? So I feel the same way about pasta. That's another vegetable. Rice comes from the ground? Rice, totally. That's another one of my favorite

vegetables. Corn on the cob? Tomatoes? No, no. Tomatoes are fruit. I count them as vegetables. Yeah, see? Our system. See here? So salads, which is just, you know, like romaine lettuce and like a little spinach and stuff like that.

Like, sure, all those salads I like. But what am I doing with a salad, right? I'm putting dressing on it. And my favorite dressings are blue cheese, Caesar, and ranch. I can eat vinaigrette, but that's not what I want. I don't want that shit. So vegetables. I'm trying to think of one I like.

Strawberries. I just had a kitty make shepherd's pie, and I flick all the carrot bits out before I eat. Oh, my God. Like, I'm going through it. And she used to put peas in it it and I would stand over the trash can licking each individual pea out of her shepherd's pie. I'd look at her like, I told you I'm not going to fucking eat them.

You thought I was kidding? I don't eat this shit. All I want is the beef, the mashed potatoes, and the cheesy burnt on crust. That's my shepherd's pie. I'm really struggling thinking but the other berries kiwis fruit they're both vegetables to me we're not gonna use your system in your system just as fucked his mind potato head celery is

just crunchy water it's disgusting and it makes your pee smell bad I think now that's asparagus. Asparagus? Another one I don't eat. Do onions count? Are onions a vegetable? Onions? I don't even know. I don't know. I'm pretty sure onions are a vegetable. But it's not like I'm

taking a hunk out of an onion, you know? I'm putting them on burgers. I'm dicing them up. Oh yeah, cucumbers. Once you soak them in vinegar for a while, I'm putting them on burgers. I'm dicing them up. Pickles. Cucumbers. Soak them in vinegar for a while. That makes them healthy. Salt-vinegared cucumbers.

I'm struggling to think. Sweet potatoes? Still not. You just gave me shit for strawberries. When you're dealing with me, I've just got to compile a list of things that I eat that aren't animals. And we've just got to work from that list. You know, forget about

legumes and fucking... No, no. Let's just break it down to things that I eat that weren't alive at one time or weren't walking around and didn't have a face. There aren't many. It's upsetting and unhealthy. Yeah, I cannot believe that you flick peas and carrots out of things. Those are the two

easiest. When you have fried rice, if you make fried rice at home, do you put carrots and peas and water chestnuts and stuff in there? When I eat Chinese chicken fried rice and there's peas, flicking them out. That is crazy. Seriously. A baby corn? That's really good

in fried rice. I hate baby corn. I fucking hate baby corn. Absolutely not. Now, you mentioned corn on the cob earlier and sometimes I will eat that if there's barbecue to go along with it. But here's the caveat, of course, and maybe this is the same thing as lobster.

It's soaked in butter. Oh yeah, and salt. It's soaked in butter. And salt. You cover it with butter so the salt sticks to it. Keep in mind, it's boiled corn, so how much nutrition was I getting anyway? Yeah, in the same way that french fries are just ketchup shovels, corn on the cob is really just like a butter and salt container of some sort. Yeah. I don't know.

Corn on the cob, if you get it fresh out of a garden, like my grandparents have a garden with a lot of corn in it, and it's real good corn. You don't really need that much butter on it. You don't need to douse it in butter and salt to make it good. If I've got a cob this big, like the ones that have been cut to

manageable sizes, tablespoon of butter at least. We're cutting off a whole tablespoon of butter at least. At least. We're cutting off a whole tablespoon of butter at least. Yeah, drench it in butter too. How about green peppers? That's regular peppers. Ah, now you're on to something.

Because I like peppers. There you go, we found one. That's a vegetable, right? I think so. I think it's a real life actual vegetable. I can't take anymore. Like bell peppers, I really like. I make a lot of different dishes with bell peppers. I do stuffed peppers. I'll gut the pepper and save the top, and I'll stuff it with chicken and cheese and ice and beans and stuff.

It seems like you could put peppers and onions on all kinds of things. What about mushrooms? He is. Oh, I'm a big mushroom fan. I used to hate mushrooms, but now I kind of like them if it's like... You know, I like them. Yeah. I don't think they're a vegetable, though.

Although they're also... They're a fungus. Yeah, that's fungi. Yeah, that's fungi. Yeah, true. Yeah. Yeah, mushrooms are really good. I didn't think that you would like those, Kyle.

I didn't used to, and I still... Sometimes the texture throws me off, but like... I really like them with steak. Maybe with a steak or something really like them with steak. With steak? What you should try Kyle is get like just in a regular pan buy some of those like baby bella mushrooms or whatever, slice them up, put a bunch of butter in the pan and then

some crushed up minced garlic and then some throw the mushrooms in and then add a little bit of like cheap red wine or cooking wine and then you put that on top of steak and it's magnifique. It's great. I dated a vegan once. That was horrid. Ugh.

But I bet she was thin. What was your worst vegan experience? My worst vegan experience is going to a barbecue. A vegan barbecue? Yeah, it was just sad. What was it like? It was like I said, I gotta go to to the bathroom and I went to the McDonald's three blocks down.

I came back and I was like, I'm good to go. But it was a whole bunch of very weak, pale people. And just, it was like just talking about being vegans half the time. It was like, and here I am, this unloving, paintballing, friggin' man-man who's cut up a deer before. You know what I mean? It's like I'm like the opposite. Like, it's a good thing this chick's a model because, yeah, it was just, it wasn't going to last long.

Really struggling with the vegetables. It's kind of embarrassing that we all struggled with our list of vegetables right like it's been a while It was really only you and Woody. No, I knew my list had fruits on it. I would just stretch in the definition Yeah, like strawberries tomatoes. I know what they were The best was when Kyle had tomatoes. What about sweet? No, potatoes and sweet potatoes. That was an awesome transition. Maybe the sweet potato's

sweet, right? That's gotta be a... Somewhere along the line, they became vegetized. That's a potato that fucked a strawberry, right? How do you get those? Now, that I'm really interested in is genetically modified. I hate that everybody acts like GMOs are the devil because I'm interested in some GMO

foods. A lot of the foods we eat are anyway now, but I want the freaky ones. Yeah, I want an ear of corn, but it's sprouting raspberries. You know, something like that. And that could be done. Imagine a coconut, but on the inside, it's like delicious apple juice or berry juice on the inside instead of that stupid coconut water that only assholes drink.

I guess not. I guess lots of people drink coconut water. It just doesn't taste good. I bet it doesn't. It gives me diarrhea. Combining a banana with a kiwi. They did that, and they undid the banana peel, and it was like kiwi inside. It was like really weird.

That's interesting. Kiwis are a criminally underrated fruit. Very, very good, but nobody really gets them ever. I just want a couple slices in my mixed drink. I don't want to eat one or anything. I don't want to chew on a kiwi. Kiwis are really good. They're kind of like strawberries.

I only eat them on a cruise ship or someplace or eat it yeah i don't want to go to the grocery store and pick them up it's like vacation only man i'm really struggling these veggies uh i'm trying to think i'm literally having to think of like my my recent like shopping trips and like uh things i've eaten at restaurants to try to think of the vegetables that I eat. So like none, basically. None. Really, I mean, for all intents and purposes, I mean, I eat more

fucking veal than I do vegetables. And I eat veal like once a year. So... So very rarely are vegetables there. And if they put them in a dish you stand there and stare at people and spitefully pick them out right the fuck out don't act like i won't like absolutely like she was she was like oh you're flicking the peas out i'm like of course i am you put them in

my food what else am i gonna do with them? How else will I continue? Every couple of years. Clean landmines of disgustingness. Every couple of years, I go vegetarian for like two months. That's impressive. Just to clean out the system. Does it make you feel better, or do you feel weaker at all or anything? A little weaker for like the first week or so. No pun intended with words, but it actually makes it feel real good like if i feel real like it literally cleans out the system and you know you do feel healthier i guess you could

imagine compared to like a smoker stopping smoking you ever got a colonic nah i want to do that because i keep seeing like they keep talking about how much like old roms out of you is like in you and and when you really start thinking about that for a while if there's like seven pounds of like gross poop inside of me that that could be gone like i'd like it to be gone imagine seven pounds of shit on this table right here in front of you and now say now imagine it's in your body and you can't get it out you'd freak the fuck out if i showed you a pile a pile of seven pounds of shit knocked you over the head you woke up and i was like now it's inside of you you've been doing anything you could to get that seven pounds of shit out so like i'm thinking you want to do something instead of that when instead of doing that um there's this cleansing

stuff you can take when you have to go and get... Oh, yeah, the colonoscopy. Yeah. You ever tried that cleansing stuff you have to take? I have not, no. Oh, my gosh. Do one of those, and then you won't need a... You'll be spic and span, yeah.

You'll be clean as, oh, my goodness. Yeah, I took my first healthy poop of my diet today. It was just night and day between the day before. It's like the day before, the entire bowl is just full of liquid diarrhea, and it's like above the water. Like the poop is above the water. It's so oily it sits on top. It literally is. It's an oil. You can see that there's a bit of a shimmer on it, like when there's like oil or spilt in a parking lot.

I did not examine it that much. Ducks are shaking their wings free of it. It's kind of iridescent. Oh yeah,. I did not examine it that much. Ducks are shaking their wings free of it. It's kind of iridescent. Oh, yeah. I'll start smelling it, and I'll look down and blow air past my cock into the bowl so that the exhaust will come out around my ass crack. I'll crack into that.

Put that back there. That was terrible. I've done that exact same thing, and that's one of those things that i like if i've done it i'm like no one's ever done this before and then everybody's done that come on blow and you could you could feel like the whole bowl pressurized and all that smelly air comes out your ass crack in the back and up into the ventilation, hopefully. Today's poop was, you know, it was solid and together and looked healthy. Just night and day.

There's a changing of the guard inside you. Yeah. Oh, God. That's a beautiful thing right there. Jesus. So Amazon's selling cars. It's only a matter of time until they're selling everything cars not literally selling them there they're like they built a car hub here I'll give you a link I thought it was kind of like

what was interesting to me is not so much that there's this new like car link thing that they've got it's that I like my first reaction was oh my gosh this is so great amazon selling cars now i can get away from everyone else i intrinsically trust amazon with everything they sell my customer experience with them is always so good that like i don't know i'm just like damn i can buy these all new vehicles so they're not for sale it's like they just took the Amazon

infrastructure, and now you can read reviews and see what people are saying about it. It has their configuration management system where you can choose what you want in your car. Why don't you just use CarMax, then? I don't know. It's Amazon. I trust Amazon. Soon they'll have

realty on there. CarMax is the place that sells used cars, right? Like they get them from rental car dealers mostly and then they just resell you those like abused, beaten cars. I don't know anything about that. I'm sure they sell some rental cars. I

didn't think that made up the majority of their fleet though. I could be wrong. That's what I always thought. That like typically they're fed cars from the rental agencies. And that's what you're seeing at CarMax. I wouldn't mind that. I am hard on a rental car, though. That one I had the other day. Everybody's hard on rental cars, man.

Nobody drives those well. And rental car agencies, I don't think they're really maintaining them so that they last for 15 years. I think they know when they get two years old, they're dumping them. Well, they don't need them. They want the newer... I guess what I'm saying is you're getting a car that's been abused

and maintained to the minimum. And... I rode that Corolla hard and put it away wet. I'll tell you that. I was speeding through fucking West Texas. I got about 85 the whole time, and I didn't slow down for much. And when it was time to go into my hotel, there was a real dip.

And I was just like, fuck it. I hit it full speed. The front end, you hear that under-spoiler thing it's got. That just hits the asphalt. Bam! And you just hear it drag. I don't even flinch. I'm just we're here all right let's just end of this spot bam lately you know we hit it hard just just fuck it and you were driving like a like the base model corolla

or whatever it was they gave you so guaranteed while you're going like 85 it doesn't sound like you're going 85 in a nice car where it's just kind of you're floating along it's you're going like 85. It doesn't sound like you're going 85 in a nice car where it's just kind of you're floating along. You're feeling every mile per hour of that 85. You're just... It feels like you're going so fast in those little shit boxes because you can hear all the noise from outside. It's not like a cabin. It's just kind of like a little tiny partition

between you and reality in your little box as you're soaring down the highway. I was going to get an Explorer, but there were two issues with that. One, it expensive and i wasn't gonna be doing much driving and and it was just myself and and then i saw this option to do this thing where you don't really know what kind of car you're gonna get it might it's gonna be this or better and it could be that and it's all for the $120 a day or whatever, like a low price. And I was like, huh.

Well, that sounds fun. So you're telling me that worst case scenario, I'm in a car that I'm okay with. And best case scenario, I get a really nice car for cheap. So I just pulled the trigger on that. And it turned out it was a black Corolla, but I didn't mind it. It was fine. Last time I ran into a car, nobody wanted the

Expedition. And there was a long line. They're like, anyone willing to take the Expedition? And it's not what I wanted. It was just Hope and I. But I was like, all right, I'll take it. It was pretty cool. And that six-cylinder moved. It's not an Expedition.

Yeah, you're thinking Explorer. It wasn't an Explorer. If it was an Expedition, that's an eight-cylinder, right? Because those are the giant ones. I might be wrong, man. Yeah, the Expedition is very big. That's their biggest one. And then there's the Explorer down from that, and then the Escape down from that.

And then, of course, there was the Excursion, but it's been discontinued. Yeah. I'm actually shopping for a car right now. I'm really curious. What are you looking for? Well, I'm getting out of my Land Rover, and I want to get a large SUV. So it's like right now I'm looking at a Denali. Those are nice.

Those are nice. The third row seating and that trunk space is insane. Wolf making money, stacks on stacks. Looking at Denalis. No, well, it's like between the traveling for paintball and and the kids and niece and nephew and like my my car is my office like i get it i get the inside redone i get a tv screen on the front dashboard i do everything to it so it's like it's gotta you know it's gotta be somewhat comfortable especially when i'm on the road trips. What are you replacing?

Land Rover LR4. Why are you replacing that? It's my third Land Rover, and I'm getting sick of them now. So it's like I used to get – my first one, I had a Discovery, and I had it for off-roading. Like I put mud tires on it. I had the bars on it. I had a winch on it. It was, like, beautiful.

And then now they're becoming so non off-roady it's just getting mm-hmm like the between all the SUVs the only ones that were trail rated were Land Rovers and jeeps and now it's like you know every time I go to my dealership Mike is covered in mud I'm like literally the only guy who does that. The rest of them is friggin' housewives at Whole Foods. What year is it? Mine's in 2010.

So yeah, now I'm looking at it. Escalades are no good. I need to be able to go to off-road because of all my paintball adventures and stuff. Too much plastic on the escalade. Yeah, and all the snow, especially here. But the Escalade's been looking good so far.

The Porsche, the Cayenne, whatever it's called, that's just a car, bigger car. I need something a little more that's got some height to it, and I can beat it. But I want the chicks to like it, too. Of course, yeah. That's always a priority the chicks to like it too. Of course. That's always a priority. That's always a priority. No joke.

And it's funny. The paintball demographic is all guys with pickup trucks and kind of blue collar. They think I'm a little showy fancy, but it's like, dude, I have season tickets to the opera and the ballet. It's kind of hard to

pull up and do the ballet at the ballet with the pickup truck. You know what I mean? Do you go to season tickets at a ballet the way people get excited about sporting events where you're like, oh, fuck, it's the Fiddler on the Roof, Fiddler on the Roof, back in town.

Are you going, woo, Fiddler, Fiddler? Your shirt lifted! Fiddler on the Roof! Back in town! Are you going? Woo, Fiddler! Fiddler! Like, you got your shirt lifted up, your face is painted. Like, what is that like? I've never been to a play. Fiddler on the Roof is the opera. What I still was just saying. You know what? I don't get that excited about it.

It's, you know, it's very cool and stuff. But I don't, I'm not a huge sports watcher because it stresses me out too much. Like, you know, I'll do that and it's very cool and stuff but i don't i'm not a huge sports watcher because it stresses me out too much like you know i'll do that and it's very you know i i i can go from camouflage into my own tuxedo very nice calmly i like i work in fashion i work another one i made my jobs is i do music videos and promotions so it for the director named director x and we do like all of drake's videos and usher's videos and did his videos and so i have to transform from wolf to dray and just be a whole different person but now wolf is becoming both sides so now i'm going to these different different places and i'm like telling people about paintball and telling

all these really artsy people about coming on shooting ar-15s with me and stuff and everything and it's like it's crazy man so i was like now it's you know it's a nice transition but yeah shopping for a car is not easy it's such pain in the butt it's such a big decision and there's so much information out there and not not to mention there such a big decision, and there's so much information out there. And not to mention, there's so many damn options. And there's a lot of options that cross over what you want. Like, oh, well, this one's a midsize. But, man, it does all this stuff, and it's like $3,000 cheaper fully loaded.

Ah, but this is the full size. It can be a long process making the right decision. And the vehicles are so damn expensive Like Jesus It used to be BMW, Benz And Land Rovers Now it's like Everyone's got their own high end version

Of a vehicle out there I didn't think you'd have to spend that much on a friggin Chevy Cause it has the name Denali and it's XL now. You know what I mean? It's the same price as every other high-end vehicle now. And it's crazy how much vehicles cost. If you're getting into a high-end, brand-new, big

SUV, you're probably getting into the 60s and maybe even the 70s. It can get nuts. And if you want to start accessorizing, there's a place near me that does these. They take a brand new Chevrolet truck, and then they throw $12,000 worth of stuff on it, and then they sell that. And it's like, oh, man. The truck was already $50,000, dude, and then you added $12,000 more, and then you priced it up another $3,000.

This is a $65,000 pickup truck. I saw one $87, grand at my local dealership dude it was a ford f-150 fancy fancy yeah it was fancy one of those harley ones it may have been harley davidson black yeah it the i think it might have been black but it i think they did take it like a harley one put it somewhere bring it back and make it even more expensive i sat in it we turned it on it seemed nice but god there's three things you need in life a good lawyer a good accountant and a good mechanic and that's the three that's it that's when you have everything perfect where Some people would put a wife on that list. Yeah, no, that's not going to happen.

That's a whole different show, brother. You're a very lucky man. Let me put it that way. There's another saying, if it fucks, floats, or flies, it's best rented. I like that. You're welcome.

That's a very good one. Yeah, never buy a boat or plane. Never buy, yeah. I was going to say that. Someone just said that on that TV show ballers the other night the rocks show it's really cool that's a serious thing but yeah what's that yeah your wife is a unicorn brother nice bag such disappointment Your wife is a unicorn, brother. Hold on to that because, you know, life is crazy. I hear that.

Yeah, I've been thinking about a new truck for like four years. At this point, I guess I'm just all talk. Well, the fun thing about it is every year you wait, a newer truck comes out. Oh, right. Or the one I liked last year is now being sold at used prices. Yeah, you could look at it that way. Or what you're inevitably going to do is be like, Oh, you know, in 2018, Dodge has the mega cock truck coming out. It literally has an extendable eight-foot cock in case you get stuck in traffic

and you ram other cars. Milo got one already. Ram. Give it the full cocking. It's a big airbag that comes out front. The one thing I wanted to test drive is the new Tesla SUV. That thing looks great. Is it for sale?

I don't know. The Tesla Model S with the 50 kilowatt hour battery or whatever it is, like the new upgraded one, is the fastest production car in the world. Zero to 60 in 2.5. Those things are insane now, man. It'll burn the tires off a Vette, a Porsche, anything. Anything. A Lambo. It's the fastest production car in the world.

I mean, fastest to that speed if you go more than, like, five seconds. Yeah, it's relative, right? Well, zero to 60. It's not like I said zero to, like, 47 and, like, made up a silly comparison we've never used. It's zero to 60. I think Taylor's saying it's not the top speed fastest, which. Of course not. No.

It's fast acceleration. Zero to 60. Yeah, yeah. For a battery vehicle like that's insane i doubt it's pretty rare that one vehicle owns both those titles part of it's due to the fact that it's way lighter isn't it because it's it's because it's electric it's it's because yeah yeah electric motors have a ton of power available right away. Exactly. That's enough to build up. And whatever madness is going on with that Tesla, I don't know much about the Tesla specifically,

but it's got a button that says Insanity Mode on the button. Activate Insanity Mode. It's right there on the dash. It's a round button that says Insanity Mode. And boop, you'll activate it, and then when he drops the hammer on that thing, it's a round button it says insanity mode and and you'll activate it and then when he drops the hammer on that thing it's like stuck to the seat like i wonder it looks like fun so in the old days like 80s and 90s it took some talent to really achieve the 0 to 60 speed you'd see in a magazine uh no longer yeah right i was just gonna wonder about that because like it'd be like oh

this thing is 0 to 60 to 8.7 seconds right with a professional driver that knows just going to wonder about that because it'd be like, oh, this thing is 0 to 60 in 8.7 seconds. Right, with a professional driver that knows just how to rev it up and drop it and how much wheel spin is okay and how much is just weight. Now I feel like you just press the go fast button and the computer is better than a human. It is. And it's like back in the day, it used to take talent to be able to drive off road. used to take talent to be able to drive off-road and now it's like in the Land Rovers you've got a mouse and at the screen in the middle of the dashboard and you set it to deep sand you set it to snow you send it to rocks and it adjusts all the the the weight it adjusted it can even set tire pressure it just hi engine yeah all the tension and it just it just does everything for It can even set tire pressure. It changes the height. Yeah, all that stuff.

And it just does everything for you. Like in my old Discovery, you had to be able to lock your own differentials. You had to be able to do everything on your own. Now it's just a tweak of the mouth, and it's like the vehicle raises up, does everything itself. It's pretty much boring at this point. I want to go wheeling with you. See who can keep up with who. Oh, that would be fun.

That would be interesting. Yeah, you might have your hands full this and the thing is that i i've i've gone through like through woods in my truck and stuff and like it's got this but i think it's called the dlc where uh going down the steep hill you just press a button and it works the brakes on its own and everything like that and it downshifts for you yeah it does everything low gear by itself and everything it's the scariest feeling just to let go does ford own land rover is that the deal not anymore they sold it i was just going to mention that because the explorer that i i rented explorer for two different trips one of them was in the desert in in texas and we were off-roading with it and then then the other was, uh, in the mountains of Colorado during a blizzard. So I got to drive it on slippery ice and, uh,

in snowy roads and, uh, and up this like, uh, in, in Texas, there was this really steep hill with, with,

uh, loose rocks all the way up. And I didn't think we'd make it, but it had a loose rock mode. Like you said, it had a desert mode. It had a winter, uh,

weather condition road mode. And it had a D, um, a, a. It had a winter weather condition mode. It had a descending mode. All of them were excellent. I was just blown away by that Explorer. I always sing his praises. You want to call the show there?

All right. PKA episode 297. Thank you for coming on, on wolf we always enjoy having you my pleasure even though i heard you don't like having guests on that much sometimes uh we like having good guests on i appreciate them it's always a pleasure to hang out with you guys man we gotta do it in person again too someday absolutely and where can everybody find you real quick um go on that thing called YouTube. Type in TheWolfDen.

You see the big, loud, black guy playing the paintball gamey-gamey. And, you know, all the social media stuff, just WolfPaintball, one word. Oh, and I'm giving this away, like I said, to one of the PKA fans. All you do is go on my channel, subscribe, and type in on the comments, I saw you on PKA and your name will go on the draw to win a free paintball gun. Shooty, shooty, bang, bang. Thank you very much. Nice. Very good. PKA

297. See ya. Bye.