Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #298

Episode Date: September 9, 2016

This week on PKA, Taylor shares a story about being a Cow's OBGYN, taking about old school games that were played when we were all kids as well as discussing the recent Battlefield 1 Open Beta & some leaked Call of Duty: Remastered footage from COD:XP

And we're live, Painkiller already, episode 298. Kyle? Once again, no guests. We've got a few sponsors tonight. We've got Audible, NatureBox, and of course, Tracker. So we'll talk more about those guys later on in the show. There are links down in the description if you want to check them out right now, make that happen. What do you guys want to talk about first?

We talked about a few things just before we fired this. Yeah, we had a bunch of stuff. There was the YouTube monetization crisis that's happening now. There's the Paramotor Talk, some updates around there. There was the... I can't say his name.

What's the football player's name, Taylor? Colin Kaepernick. His whole story. The other football players who have gotten roasted on Twitter. Not even no-name football players were like, fuck you, you're not even good. Like Jerry Rice getting roasted on Twitter. Not even like no-name football players were like, fuck you, you're not even good. Like Jerry Rice getting roasted on Twitter.

People being like, oh, I don't even, you know, what's he coming out of here for, saying all lives matter or whatever. It's just very interesting to see that. But yeah, a lot to get through this week. We haven't talked about politics very much. Trump did his whole speech in Mexico where I guess he, I don't know,

him and that Mexican president were like all buddy-buddy, and then the Mexican people, I guess, really don't care for that president, which is kind of funny where it's like, oh, you know, Trump's like, I love Mexico. I love the Mexican people, and the president loves me, and they hate their president. And so it's just funny that he co-ops like the least popular politician there as his bastion but um yeah a lot to get to kyle right before the show we were talking about your frustration regarding civ 6 that a certain uh fuhrer won't be included as a leader i won't say any names and then oh yeah it just it just seems like pc bullshit not to put him in there it is pc bullshit like they have attila the Hun in there. They have Genghis Khan.

They really, really... Genghis Khan killed many more people than Hitler ever did. Many, many more. Right? It's 10 or 20 million or something. Hitler... I think Obama once said Hitler was Genghis Khan's JV team. Right?

Right? right like i wouldn't want the the the civil the german civilization to suddenly have you know like the fucking gas showers as a as a tile improvement or anything like that's that's disgusting that that's not cool it's just you know being silly but a second to process that oh my god yeah yeah their trains would move would move jews three times as fast as anyone else's you know they'd have improvements like this that's not cool and that's not funny that's not what i would want what i would want is to let's just recognize that hitler was one of the more impressive leaders that germany's ever had the most successful leader just as far as what civ is about, which is conquering.

Like, that's all that Civ is. It's not, oh man, let's pick the leader that was, like, loved the most. Like, no, it's about conquering. Or scientific development. Civ is about science and tech advancements, and Hitler was good at that. What it truly is,

is that Germany is about mechanization, industrialization, and military. And so why not pick a leader who exemplified all three of those qualities? At least once. I mean, they were at Civ VI. The first five, they picked a bunch of German. I don't know my German history too well. Are we praising Hitler?

Because I feel like we're praising Hitler. No, it's more of a condemnation of Civ for not being honest. Yes, thank you. Yeah, yeah. I just don't think they should put him in there. Because otherwise you're just lying. You're just telling a lie. A lot of those other leaders, like you said, were horrible, horrible people who massacred millions and millions.

But, you know, they stick them right in the game. I think Genghis Khan raped, like, thousands and thousands of women. It had to be. And Attila the Hun. It was like a conveyor belt. Well, standards were different at the time. What were they wearing? Well, you know, that's true, Woody. You can't judge any culture because all cultures are

intrinsically equal. Are you saying that his numbers don't stack up against modern rapists because he had an easier time penetrating these women? I don't stack up against modern rapists because he had an easier time penetrating these women. I don't know. Is that what you're saying? That when you compare him to a modern rapist, it's just not fair? Just like in

baseball, when you compare Babe Ruth to some of these modern physiques. I was actually more on board with what Taylor was saying. That all cultures are intrinsically equal. It doesn't matter if you take your women and dress them up in burkas and don't let them drive. You know what?

You say tomato. I say tomato. They're all the same. It doesn't matter. A little known fact. I've heard many people say. I've heard many people say. Many people have said.

I won't say it. But that those women over in the Middle East, they actually choose to wear those garments. They like wearing them. You know? So it's not even a big deal. Whatever. They that they're not forced into gestures more than that he's all if you see like hair you know a woman's hair show just rip the antenna off a car beat the fuck out of her smart people are saying they'd like it well don't rip the antenna off a car that clearly belongs to a man. Just unscrew it.

Smart people are saying that. That's a good idea. Very, very smart people. Can you imagine what that would feel like to be whipped with a car antenna? You know, like one of the sturdy ones that come on a Chevrolet truck that they just unscrew and it's just a piece of metal? A car audio. That's probably a fetish or something, getting beat by something like that. Actually, probably not,

because even those crazy fetishes, where you get spanked and smacked by something, it's all like, ooh, just like a cat of nine tails, but not really. It's not really going to tear your back up or anything. A car antenna really would fuck you up. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it is meant to be a punishment, and I didn't make that up.

That was like a legit thing that was happening in Afghanistan. Oh. Yeah, I've seen that, yeah. I didn't know that. A real caning right there in the street. I've seen that. Yeah, it's pretty rough over there with the human rights. It's a real shame.

Well, on the bright side, though, one of our presidential candidates hasn't accepted tens of millions from any of those countries. You know? So that's good. That's good. Because if one of our presidential candidates had accepted tens of millions of dollars and claimed to be a women and children's advocate while supporting a country that had so many human rights violations, that would just be abhorrent. Thank God we never have to think about that boat. That guy in Saudi Arabia last week that tweeted that that he was an atheist they gave him 2 000

lashes and 10 years in prison well what was he thinking it's illegal there tweet it was he clicked a button and that was it life over yeah it was a tweet he didn't get up on the in the square with a bit one of those old-timey megaphones and go, oh, I'm an atheist. No. No, he fucking tweeted I'm an atheist or something to that letter. You have to understand. 2,000 lashes. Let's not stop 2,000 lashes. They should do that here. When the Founding Fathers gave us freedom

of speech, they never anticipated how far freedom would go, right? They didn't anticipate that Twitter was going to happen or Facebook or YouTube. We need to pull back on freedom of speech here in America because really the speech is stronger than it used to be. We need to correct the record. Back in the day, speaking was really just literally like on a soapbox on a street corner.

Now that speaking is so powerful, it's time to strip the speaking rights from the people just like they do with gun rights Anyone could have seen that tweet at any time and it could have could have mildly upset them Let's slow down and think about what 2,000 lashes is though and now I don't know if he's getting those in one day if you Get him in one day. That'll kill you that's that you're dead You get 2,000 lashes in one day that'll kill you that's it you're dead you get 2 000 lashes in one day you die and i don't i don't think that i am strong enough and have the stamina to to hit someone 2 000 i think they do it the way like if you like let's say a dude gets like arrested for loitering like six times and they're like all right we're sentencing you to a month in jail you can serve it on weekends

you know and so you just come in every saturday get beat like 30 times and i'll see you next week jeez i really feel like if they punish a woman she should receive 2 000 lashes and if they punish the man he would have to give those 2 000 lashes because that's exhausting it hurts him more than it hurts her just like my parents used to say you know they'd be like this hurts me more than it hurts you and looking back that was such a cop-out. It does not. I wasn't spanking you. I mean, just think of the money he's spending on whips. He's wearing them out left and right. Well, it's job creation. That sounds horrible, though. That sounds like a terrible, terrible

fate to be facing 10 years in prison. And I imagine that a Saudi Arabian prison has to be about like Oz, right? Like, you're lucky if it's Oz. It's probably worse than us i started re-watching oz and i don't want to do oz talk too much because i feel like we've been putting it in every episode but i was i had forgotten just what a bunch of movers and

shakers those gentlemen are right like you know like in my head as i played it back what's the guy's name i have sam betesh in my head but that's x, what's the guy's name? I have Sam Batesh in my head, but that's X-Jaws. Who's the guy that's the – Tobias Beecher? Beecher. That's what it is. Tobias Beecher. Not Batesh.

And he goes in there, and like in the first episode, he's already in the white supremacist cell, and he's already had his ass not tattooed but like branded branded right and um i i just like wow like i don't know orange is the new black that is a development that takes a season you know like the grand finale of that you know she gets branded and you're like oh my god how's she gonna come back from this here and that's just like i don't know the 30 minute point in oz yeah it's the shit yeah they're like oh you know what we should talk about getting revenge on this guy nine and a half minutes later he's on fire

time to air hole someone yeah weird to see j. Simmons, the one doing the ass tattoo, where you half expect him, like, part of the way through to be like, do you have tattoo removal insurance with Allstate? Or, like, whatever fucking insurance commercial he promotes. Yeah. Because I'd never seen him in a role like that. I never pictured him as that abjectly evil. But, yeah, great show. Well, he was the, I think, what, Didn't he play on Malcolm in the Middle,

the military school commandant that the oldest son had been sent off to? He was a real hard hat. Are we talking about the Nazi or the Irish guy? Talking about J.K. Simmons, the tattoo-er

of the asshole. The bald guy who really doesn't care for Jews. You know, he's pretty tolerant of Jews, it seemed, though. Until he kills one and carves Jew into their chest and hangs them from the gym.

I think you gotta think back on this, though. That wasn't a racially motivated crime at all. The Aryan Brotherhood felt like they were losing ground in the prison. He was like, we need a roadkill to like put ourselves back on the map. Who can we get? Oh, that guy. He's a Jew. I see your point, but that's the definition of racially motivated. That they went, hey, let's get that guy. He's a Jew. But they needed to kill someone. They just,

their one is, let's get him. It wasn't like they were like so mad that this guy was a Jew. But they needed to kill someone. They just, their one is, let's get him. It wasn't like they were so mad that this guy was a Jew that they were like, ah, let's get that Jew. Ah, he's gotta die. They never do that. That's probably much safer in prison for the white supremacist to target a Jewish person, because there was no, like, holy roller group for the Jewish individuals.

A bunch of Hasidic hard asses over there with the long curly thing in the front. They're like, shoot dice. They don't even do like direct threats like, oh, maybe your family loses all of their money in the market. I mean, who's to say what could happen? It fluctuates. I mean, some of my friends may control your finances.

That would be very unfortunate for your family and your family's future, no doubt. You know, just that kind of threat, just like such highbrow such highbrow they're like well fuck I don't know if we should kill him like he really has our number first I kill this whole diatribe about my Roth IRA my whole life is a doubt now here's a lot of words I didn't know I don't even know do I have a 401k the first I kill him, and now I'm extended in short positions. I don't know what happened. But that was something that I even thought about at the time, is when they're like, oh, we need a rogue kill, a road kill, whatever they said,

and they targeted the Jewish guy. It was like, that's not very threatening at all. There's no big cabal of Jewish guys in that prison. Like, if they really wanted to make a statement, shouldn't they have picked someone from the Muslim group who they clearly hate, or the homeboy black group that they clearly hate? It's a kill. It shows that they're violent, and they're willing to do some scary, scary shit, but

at the same time, they don't piss anybody off, because there is no Hasidic hit crew out there. If they hit a homeboy, now they're at war, and they're already in kind of a weak position. They're feigning power. They're trying to make themselves, pump themselves up, puff themselves up by, like, killing a Jewish guy who can't really defend himself and doesn't have any backup. That's logical. That makes sense

when you think about it like that. Yeah, it's a dark, dark show. If you guys out there, uh, watch it. It's fucking awful. Yeah, if you feel like your life is in a downturn right now or you're in like one of those lulls before the the rising hill turn on oz within i'll say five to eight minutes you're gonna be like you know what life's all right it's okay how many times have i been raped this week probably zero hopefully zero How many times have you had an unwilling tattoo? Zero. I watched four hours of Oz in one sitting,

and I got up and I walked outside, and I just looked up at the sun and went, right? That's so nice to be out here in this fresh air, even though it's hot as hell. I can fucking do that. Those fucking motherfuckers have been in holes for years and years and had their their hopes

and dreams ripped out of them one by one like fucking mortal kombat finishers it's it's awful it's awful that it's like game of thrones but there's at no point are there any like hot chicks or fun adventures there's no dragons there zero magic. There's just people you like having horrible things happen to them and people you don't like also having horrible things done to them. Have you guys seen 60 Days on the Inside? Yeah, yeah.

That guy had to come out of there, right? That's the reality show where they send the guy into prison for 60 days. How many episodes have they done? I think it ends at like 12 or 13 episodes what percentage of people get through it all but one so call it 90 um and maybe 80 something like that i forget how many there were i think that was a jail though right like just to specify for a global audience out there that's like a local

uh uh like containment area where they hold people for like a couple of months or something like that uh it's not quite up to the level of a state penitentiary or a federal penitentiary which which might house thousands right and uh but i remember when they got out they experienced some of what kyle was talking about you know were like, oh, just the smell. Like there was a smell of jail that is stale and exhausting and tiring and yucky. And you get out and she's like, you know, wind. Wind and fresh air are so beautiful to her. Like she hadn't experienced that in two months.

Dude, I don't want to go to prison at all. Not at all. I think I'd be bad at it. I'm sure everybody thinks of themselves as Billy Badass. But then, what was the gentleman's name? He might be African. That was...

Adebisi. Nigerian. He's Nigerian? Okay. Yeah, so there's this Nigerigerian guy who i like look i don't know how tough you are but i bet at a bc can beat you up right listener i'm talking to at a bc it's what six five and full of muscle and you just and crazy a crazy person which is any physical trait because it could be like a little wiry guy, but if he's crazy, it's like, that guy can kill you with a sharpened toothbrush

standing behind you just as easily as a jacked guy. So I feel like being crazy would be a good defense strategy. But even then, it'd be hard to fake crazy. He will beat up your backup and then buttfuck you in the kitchen. That's what Anabisi will do to you. Yeah, and Anabisi, I don't know if he'd consider himself gay,

but he sure likes fucking men, right? So that's a thing that you have to bear in mind. No, he's not gay. I do the fucking. I make them gay. It's a huge amount of homophobia for people who are regularly fucking other men. They're like, yeah, even the faggots have a group hey don't let that faggot boxer beat us meanwhile like like the night before he's making

out passionately with another man and then like fucking that guy in the ass or something like like they're not just it's not just like hand jobs and like awkward oral these guys are like really getting into it in a lot of situations like like i don't know you put me in there for 30 years we're gonna have to have make something happen it's like all right get down there i'll look this way and you just don't look anywhere and we'll figure this out and and but but these guys are just like yeah they're really making out. It's passionate sometimes. And there is more dick in that show. If there's anyone out there and you haven't pulled the trigger on watching Oz yet,

there's more cock in that show than in Wings of Redemption's backyard ever had. It reminds me of my old hockey locker room days. Really? It had that much cock? Yeah. There's 10 cocks in an episode. 10 cocks. I have seen every guy. I can remember.

I know who's got the biggest cock. Really? No, yeah. If you play on an ice hockey team, you'll see everybody's cock by week two. Like you said. The stabler from Law and Order SUV, biggest cock. on an SUV, biggest cock. Smallest cock is that guy from Dexter who played

the big fat Spanish detective in Dexter. Oh yeah, he's the Hispanic guy. The leader. And he's the big kind of chubby Spanish leader in Oz. Very small penis. And he has this long hallway scene where he walks toward the camera and

his dick, like they added it's like three or four seconds of just this, and it's just his cock just, like, doing this. Is it doing that thing, like, that small dicks do, where, like, your balls are there, and the penis is kind of just, like, slapping the top of the balls? It's up on top of the balls. It can't see over them.

It's sitting on top. Although, I mean, mine would probably be pretty fucking tiny if I'm naked and being sent to the hole, right? Might not be your best moment. However, he's not being sent to the hole. He's an actor in a warm studio, and he probably gave it a quick tug before the cameras went on, so judge him that way. Lord knows if I was in that position, I'd be semi, for sure. It would go inside you.

I would make sure that I was representing the best version of me. You look down at your cock, it's like popped back into your body. You're like, God, I wish I could do that. I'm going to the hole and so is it. Yeah. So you give first place to the SVU guy.

Yeah, definitely so. And last place to... I don't remember his... He isn't Alvarez. Alvarez is the maniac. Yeah. Who stabs people. Anyway, we should stop odds.

We talked about... He sure has a very small penis as well. I guess it'll take a minute to pimp my video. Coming out, what for me is tomorrow but for you guys is yesterday on Friday I made a homemade shotgun and I'm hoping that people find it interesting I I was really really relieved not to be badly injured I a fire didn't involve your hand right next to the show yeah I you take a couple pieces of pipe.

They slide over each other. There's an end cap. I took a bolt and used a grinder to sharpen it so it would pierce the shotgun shell. And then I slide it. And unbeknownst to me, the back of it shoots the fuck away. And, dude, I can't aim at all with it. I'm missing a target. Laser. You need a laser on it? Of course't aim at all with it. I'm missing a target. Laser.

You need a laser on it? Of course you need a laser on it. That's badass. I shoot it, and there's a puff of smoke on the backstop. And I'm like, fuck. Like, shit, I hope everything hit the backstop. And I shoot it again, this time being more careful to hit my target. And I'm carefully inspecting the target, like, bullet holes of which there are none i eventually get like five feet away from it

i angle it down so it doesn't like ricochet at me and uh blasted a big like dude i was so happy to hit the target because that meant i get to stop risking my life with this fucking homemade shotgun and uh so now does it just go to the garage until i don't know what i'm gonna do i could melt it i don't like i never want to use it again i have a real shotgun i was tempted to shoot it with a real shotgun and uh like then i would just get out of the situation of having to shoot this dangerous piece of shit but it's like every so often they talk about like 3d printed guns and they talk about uh like the liberator and like other like guns get and it's like you can make a gun from parts at home depot so i did and uh i don't know i i think it's kind

of neat i've been thinking about doing it for over a year i I would like to see that used in a zombie movie. I would like to see someone make one of those, and they're walking up to the zombies, and they're just like, boom! It's just like doing a punch, and then the quick reload, like, fucking, this thing, man,

boom! It's a slam-fire weapon. Oh, you know what might be cool? I hope they do it realistically, though, so that he misses the first shot badly, and then is killed. I just came up with a good idea here's what you do here's what you do you make it so that it's got like eight fucking

barrels and it's a like a punch to to fire it that isn't like a menorah like uh just like boom that is a neat upgrade dude like that That's the FPS Russia version of this. The proof of concept, you shoot it, and then you shoot eight of them, and it would just... I got to call my guy at the ATF and ask about that, because the first thing I'm thinking is there's a thing about one trigger pull

creating one bullet, that if you go beyond that, all of a sudden it's a machine gun. That's why those guns that... But you can make those too. Yeah, but I want to make sure that... It's important to know what it's actually classified as. You need to classify it correctly.

I need to know if it's an AOW or it's a destructive device or if it's a machine gun. It needs to be one of those and it needs to be the right one. The Demolition Ranch guy, he got, I guess it's a double, no, a quad-barreled shotgun, right? Is that what you have, the quad-barreled shotgun? I think he mounted like multiple shotguns together. Yeah, and I think he took a couple Remington 870s and just put them on his quad barrel.

Or I might be a little mixed up, but he made a crazy contraption. I don't know if it's still legal or not. There were a lot of... Well, you know, it was still... There were a lot of barrels, and it had to weigh 40 pounds. Yeah, I...

Crazy stuff. But yeah, that's cool you made that gun. I've never made one of those before. That surprises me. I feel like you would have done that as like a, I don't know, 18-year-old or something. But why? Well, you made a potato gun. Oh, now that's different, though.

You can shoot that potato gun in your backyard. It's not a weapon. It's not a firearm. You can do things with it that are would be unsafe to do with a firearm i i feel comfortable shooting you can shoot a shotgun in your backyard i've got video to prove it yeah yeah sure you can not in my current backyard i don't think did i i don't know i was saying i did i might have with my silencer on before but i don't usually shoot here anyway um i guess that's it for

that top yeah no i never made one of those because like what's the i just didn't i don't know i've always had like real shotguns oh and then there is the fear like what he talked about of when you slam those things together your right hand is wrapped around the shotgun shell so if the pipe bursts it's gonna take your right hand off so So, like, I really need this guy. It was double thick in that area, right? Because there's the pipe, and then there's the pipe around it that has the end cap. So I didn't really think that would burst. But what it did do is shoot out the back, and I didn't see that coming.

So thankfully I was holding it out the side, like, kind of like a pool stick, as opposed to in front of me, because that would have got me good. Seems like a very high risk low reward next thing you should make oh you don't understand your fingers that would be the worst how did i lose my hand or fingers story ever because no one would be like oh how'd you lose your hand well i was in afghanistan and it's like oh thank you for your service like how'd you lose your hand well i tried to finagle a gun together for a vlog and got a little over ambitious. I was like, God, this is gonna be up in three hours. Have you not seen the views on my vlogs? There are 20s of dollars at stake.

Enough for you to replace your hand with one of those like grappling hook things. Like those gauntlets where you pull each finger and it like closes the hand. Not even dude. Next vlog, make a fake hand for woody in the stable trying to hack some shit together go fund me for my new i can't even masturbate the way i like anymore you know they're throwing me off kilter so what else do we have? Teenager dies from hickey? That isn't that surprising, but it only means that that hickey was the most intense,

blood-sucking, clot-producing hickey of all time, right? Yeah. Was it a brain aneurysm? Let's read. A 17-year-old boy in Mexico City has reportedly died after a hickey he received from his girlfriend caused a stroke. Doctors didn't believe the suction of the hickey, or love bite, resulted in a blood clot which traveled to Julio Marcia's Gonzales brain and caused a stroke. The teenager had convulsions while eating dinner with his family after hanging out with his 24-year-old girlfriend and later died.

This is at least the second reported episode of a hickey causing a stroke. How old was he? 44-year-old. This guy was 17. Oh. He's got a 24-year-old girlfriend. Yeah, he does have a 24-year-old girlfriend. Is that legal?

Yeah, it is, I think, in North Carolina. Yeah, I'm sure that's legal. Nobody's really strict on it. I mean, it is Mexico. We need to be getting strict on it when they start sucking young men to death a literal succubus oh yeah that's like uh that's a clever way like you know when you hear people like like the question like how would you get away with murder if you had to kill someone you hear like oh i would stab them with an ice pick so all the

evidence washes away making out with someone's neck icicle yes ice pick would not melt away no an icicle would but that's like a way they would kill someone in oz is like you just fool them into thinking you're just making out and before you know it there's a beet red patch on your carotid artery right there and you're dying like that's that it's probably not reliable enough though for a good killing method i've never tried one time so jackie and i used to give each other hickeys all the time right it was like and she in my defense just seemed to bruise easily just good old makeout session would would leave her with a neck full of bruises and sometimes still does me on the other hand hardy strong like a like i like a hippopotamus skin around here so she's messing with me and she's like sucking on my neck and

she's like i can't leave a mark goes again can't god like you're you're just hickey proof goes again goes again she got me so good i had hickeys all over my neck it turned out that she was lying ah i see oh she fooled you yeah i've never been big into that's not that's not considered at all i don't uh have any shame about that even to this day if i have a hickey it's like yeah fuck off don't you wish you did no no. No. Well, that's on you. No, definitely not. I would be upset. If that ever starts to happen, I'm of the behavior that's kind of like,

all right, all right. No, I don't want to walk around looking like I have eczema for the next five days because I got a big red patch right here. It's painful. Leave me alone. No shame in my game, baby. Yeah, if there's a hickey there. I got hives. What do you want?

I don't care. Suck the poison out. So you gotta get older. Does that ever work? Is there ever a scenario when suck the poison out is the right thing to do? Because I've heard that in snakebites it's not. I don't think so. I have heard that it's ineffectual.

I'm sure that was one of those uh kind of like bleeding people in the middle ages where when someone got bit by a snake on the wild frontier they'd be like oh jepson's hit we gotta suck the venom out and it was more of like a thing to show everybody else in your little group that hey if you get fucked with we're gonna do something to help you even if we know like you're gonna die like nobody's sucking the venom out of you. You cut it, too, I've noticed. Like, in the movies, they, like, cut it really, like, pretty badly right in that area

and then just start sucking and spitting. So just spitting that person's blood out? And, well, you know, the venom would be in the blood. Yeah, maybe. I don't know. I feel like venom would spread very, very quickly, right? Like, because your blood circulates your entire body remarkably fast. I think you're just hoping you get a little out. If you could just

get a little out, it would help. Something like a rattlesnake where you have necrosis where you lose chunks of flesh and stuff if it's not treated quickly enough. It's better than a hundred years before that, like Civil War times,

where you stub your left toe too hard and crack a toenail, and it's like, well, we just don't have time to waste with this. It's got to come off at the knee. No, everything else is fine. Please, can you just cut the toe off? Well, we're out of little saws, sir.

I'm sorry. I don't have my of little saws sir i don't have my clippers yeah i don't have my clippers so we're just gonna have to do what we have to do oh please you know now let me give you this unknown amount of morphine and hope it doesn't kill you and then i'll go to hack no but it wasn't morphine it was ether so they'd put that mask over and like drip it onto your face onto the like cotton mask, cotton mask. Ah, ether. That's what Mr. Burns was addicted to in Simpsons. Oh, Smithers, I need more ether! Apparently that's really, uh, that and

chloroform. Um, you know, in the movies they always make it seem like you can just and, like, somebody's unconscious. No! You have to, like, be laying there with someone dripping chloroform for, like, you know, a long period of time to put you out. It's more like anesthesia than it is anything, and it's not safe. If you give somebody too much, they could die.

Yeah, I always knew, even as a kid, that seemed suspicious, how quickly people passed out from the chloroform, because I'm like, that person hasn't even got a chance to breathe in yet, and they're already falling down. Does it actually take longer? Yeah, time yeah way longer yeah you choke them out much faster i uh i had no idea mr cosby that uh that it worked so well the point is it doesn't work well cosby would not have used that. I had a bad word. Scott, I'm so awful at this. I heard Cosby's basically blind at this point from some degenerative

macular bullshit or something. So he's they're saying he's legally blind and is depressed and doesn't have any friends anymore. And that's what's coming out of his camp or whatever and i

say good good for him that's not surprising have you seen like the the pictures of him in interviews with his eyes yeah his eyes are so cataract and and foggy it looks like you know how uh sometimes you'll see a dog and their eyes are just it looks like a semi, almost an opaque marble, like an opaque silver marble. That's what his eyes look like. He has, like, old dog eyes that just always look sad and full of shame and full of, like, oh, I was so close to getting away with it. Hoop-de-doop-de-doop. Like, if he's really hoping, right?

He's really wishing that he died in, like, 2011 right now. He is really wishing that he died in like 2011 right now he is really wishing that just like yeah yeah i'll leave it at that just like who could he be thinking of no i was i was i was trying to think of uh another celebrity who had died before it came out how shitty of a person they were and they dodged all of those ramifications. Joe Paterno almost pulled that off. Joe Paterno almost pulled it off. He died just a little bit too late.

In his case, though, I really think that his death was brought on by the controversy. I think if none of that came out and had never happened, I think Joe Paterno would have lived another year or two or three or more. It could be, yeah. I mean undoubtedly that level of stress is going to be bad for your health. He had crowds of news outside his door, like outside of his home. It's incredible how much stress visibly ages people. Just going back and looking looking up like presidents before and

after they get out of office like obama looked like a first year fifth grade teacher when he went into office and now will smith to morgan freeman yes he went from will smith hair and like complexion to morgan freeman almost of like gray, like so many more wrinkles than eight years should give because just being in that position, it's like immense, immense stress. That does not sound fun. You're right, you're right. Presidents do age a lot.

But sometimes I think people forget how much eight years is. Eight years ages everybody a lot. You know, how different were you eight years ago? Yeah, yeah, that's true i mean i do think that i've held up better than obama or any of the presidents i was gonna say eight years ago you were just a kid but since you hit puberty at four that's not true i look just like this slightly smaller at 12 i was already a man grown dude i swam with a guy who was six foot three at 12 years old he was a very big guy they uh

was he six foot three when you swam with him or yeah uh or six foot five something like that i mean he was only like 14 when i swam with him. We weren't the same age. But yeah, he was just a gigantic young person. And no one believed... He used to have to bring his birth certificate to every meet because they thought we were cheating and putting him in the wrong age group. Get a ringer. Remember when that happened in the Little League? Yeah, remember when that happened in the Little League World Series?

They had that pitcher who was like... He was much older, it seemed like. It wasn't like they snuck a 15-year-old in. They brought in some 24-year-old Guatemalan guy who could fucking throw heat. All those 12-year-olds were just swinging a fist. Well, he was wearing a Vietnam veteran hat. It wasn't like he was 16 or something either.

He was legit MLG age. He had a mustache. He had a mustache. He had his class of 72 ring on. It was so funny. They won, I think. It's been a while. Maybe my memory's a little foggy,

but it seems like they won off the back of that guy. I never pay attention to Little League World Series because I don't watch any baseball, and that's just going to be a more boring version of it. But it seems like Japan is really, really good at baseball compared to... I don't know what other sports are popular in Japan, but it seems like they're

really fucking good at baseball. It's like they just went from swinging swords to swinging that bat. It's just natural. That could be it. That's very well... It couldn't be that it was introduced to them heavily when they were in those camps in the 40s, right?

Or were they Americans? Well, I think the Japanese you know, we put that base there after World War II and kind of stayed for a real long time and that probably institutionalized them with a lot of baseball stuff, huh? But is that to their advantage?

I mean, you had to give them something too. No, that's making sure you don't fuck up. And that's us rebuilding their infrastructure, too. That's what I'm saying. There's a couple things. We rebuilt their infrastructure. You know, we kind of decimated their military. We're hanging out defending Japan for those years.

Exactly. So there's this whole guns versus butter thing that any Civ player knows, you know, and what you invest into. Japan just do butter butter butter they didn't have to build a military they were under our protective shield for a long time they still uh don't have an offensive military you know that they can never start an uh a war that's not unless they're attacked first they can't pull a george bush

and be like oh they've probably got some weapons over there and... Well, Germany was also supposed to not have any more arms after World War I, and that very quickly... Well, not very quickly, but it did change. Yes, but in Japan's circumstance, they could vote to change that. They just don't.

Ah. Maybe they just realized, hey, we've got a lot of money to put into research and whatnot, and these fucking Americans are taking care of the world's safety, spending so much money on military shit. Let's just keep spending it on iPhones – not iPhones, but whatever we make, Samsung. I read something the other day, something about that there were calls to change the way their military is structured, to change the way they deal with war, I guess, so that they could have an intervening military. They could go and be like, oh, these guys are a threat. We need to take them out and go do that without the – they're kind of handcuffed right now, it seemed like. Yeah, they at least need something.

But they see – the Japanese seem like – you always hear about those businessmen who work themselves to death. And, you know, all that Bushido code stuff that I imagine is still part of their, like, day-to-day office environment. Like, they just seem like they take their jobs very seriously over there. So I would imagine their military is the same. Have you ever watched... Like, I worked late. I worked till 8, 9, 10, 11. Not until you died.

That's the condition that they have. Sometimes I'd work till 4 if there was a big thing. Did you ever work until you died? I mean, everyone does eventually. Have you ever met anyone or heard of anyone who wasn't a Japanese man who worked themselves until they died? No, because we don't make a big deal about it. We just fucking get jobs done, right? They're out there, woe is me,

I'm such a hard worker. Fuck you, baby, that's par for the course here in America. No, they just died. They dropped out of exhaustion. Literally, they have a word for it. Yeah. Who's Chitudo? That's it, yeah. I just want to know.

Are they really working that hard? Because Americans work really hard too. I think that it's just the culture of perfection that a lot of them have, at least the older generation. You never hear about an American. There's never been an American CEO who ran the company into the ground but still had tens of millions of dollars to fall back on, killing themselves in shame. But there are actual stories of like CEOs of giant Japanese companies where they have to lay a ton of people off or they take a huge dive and there's a big fail in their stock prices or whatever the case may be,

and they're worth tens of millions of dollars still, and they kill themselves. Because they just can't deal with it. When's the last time that happened? Because I've only heard these stories, but mostly I even see CEOs and stuff apologizing. I'm so sorry. I did a bad job in this. And then they take their money

and they fucking buy a boat, right? Like, dude, I'll... Those are American CEOs, though. I'm sure there's some Japanese ones like that, but it's just a difference in culture that it happens in Japan. It would never happen here. I feel like it doesn't happen anymore i i feel like now they're just they're americanized baby they might issue an apology but i bet there's stories about this

let's see like if elon musk drove spacex and all that shit into the ground and it was just a colossal failure, he would not go kill himself. He would not be like, oh, God, I'll never get to Mars and do that. He'd keep living as a billionaire. Manager commits Harry Carey to fight corporate restructuring. That was in 99. You got to go back 17 years

to find our most recent example. No, that's just one that... I mean, I'm not googling it, but... Japan's finance minister... Well, I mean... Japan's finance minister commits suicide on Suicide Prevention Day. That's funny.

He allegedly hung himself at his own home he would not be the first japanese government minister to kill himself and he won't be the last he was struggling with the pressures of his job well that's just a quitter right there that's all that is the removal of mcdonald's all day breakfast was too much the wire is funny who wrote this this? This is a good stick. This whole thing is written with a bit of humor. Here's a... Japan Inc. rocked by massive accounting fraud. Toshiba's CEO quits after emitting seven years of cooked books. And as I scanned through this, they inflated their profits by about a billion or 38% of their profits.

And, uh... Yeah. He was willing to bow. I'll give him him that and he just took the money and ran so well maybe they don't got themselves much shame upon his family shame and cash i this is this to me seems like an american response yeah i mean i'm sure that most japanese ceos are rational enough to be like well i i still got money i'm gonna go buy a little cube in tokyo for half a billion and live out the rest of my life where i can reach my refrigerator and my shower from the same seat but i mean it's just an american

ceo i don't think has ever killed themselves in shame. That would have to be a Google. There's no way. How often do those Wall Street guys actually jump out the window? That was only when the Twin Towers were going down that people were jumping out of there. He's talking about the Great Depression. Well, not just the Great Depression. I feel like there's

been many incidents throughout time where it might not even be a huge market crash. Maybe just this guy's company went down or a specific stock goes down and these guys are just like, well, three minutes ago I was a multi-millionaire who had the world by the balls. Now I'm nothing.

I'm going to take a step out that window, and they just jump. Yeah, yeah. Okay, well, I hadn't considered that. And that goes against what I already believe about this situation, so I choose to disregard it. Fair enough. No, but, I mean, when was the last time that happened? Did that happen at all

in the 08 collapse? Like, any stockbrokers? Those guys got golden parachutes and government paychecks. No, that's true. No one killed themselves. I'm sure there were a lot of hardworking Americans who went homeless and ended up killing themselves though.

Oh, yeah. But they're not CEOs. Do you guys want a joke? Bad joke? Alright. Why did Star Wars episodes 4, 5, and 6 They're not CEOs. Do you guys want a joke? Bad joke? Oh. All right. Why did Star Wars episodes 4, 5, and 6 come before episodes 1, 2, and 3? Because in charge of scheduling Yoda was. That was funny. You don't know it because you can't tell. But it was funny.

That was funny. You don't know it because you can't tell but it was funny Because of scheduling. Oh we got it Yoda was Maybe they get it Let me explain that Yoda has this weird speech pattern where he kind of says things out of order. Yeah, yeah. Because in charge of scheduling Yoda was.

Crack up. That's the problem. That is the problem. Oh. I always just feel like there's like beads of sweat forming at my hairline every time

oh stop it's all fun I'm as sweaty as Chiz over here Mr. Chiz didn't want to be a guest again I haven't seen Chiz in like a year. I think the last, like, I haven't seen pictures or video or anything. Chiz is just a voice to me at this point. I haven't seen him in a long time either. Now that I'm thinking about it, I've only heard his voice.

Are we sure that Chiz is still alive and that some sort of audio computer program hasn't taken over for him? Because if so, we need to look into that. No, I have no evidence that he is a real person. I haven't seen him... It's been like a year. Oh, wait! Have you guys played Battlefield 1? No.

It's open now. Oh, I thought you were going to play it last night. I played Civ instead. I thought you were joking that you were going to play Civ when Battlefield 1 was available. No, I really... I got on the PKA... You played Civ 5? Yeah, I got on the PKA Steam group. I got myself a game of fans together and had a good old time.

So I'm reading on Reddit about Battlefield 1. And it's only the beta. So I fully recognize what a beta is. I think there's one map out. But everyone's basically saying, oh, right. It's an EA game. It's just a reskinned Battlefield. We've had Battlefield with Star Wars skins, with World War ii skins with vietnam skins i think all

this is true with uh modern skins and this is just the same old battlefield and you know with this time with a world war one skin that's what i'm reading on reddit i haven't even played the game i don't know why you would expect anything different but it's same engine same mechanics you're right but they make a trailer and they show the horses and all this up close like shovel-based melee and things like that. That's a thing. I'm sure it is, but – So all you got to do to like pull that off, it seems that if you put – and this is like – even with a submachine gun, you get one bullet to hit somebody.

And then I don't remember what the keyboard – the key is. Like you press F and he just fucking goes into a bayonet charge like it's auto-aim he's just and it's the same thing with the shovel and everything else it just depends where you're standing and what weapons you have hmm yeah i don't i don't know why i thought it was going to be a bigger departure from the other ea games or I guess DICE games, than we're used to seeing. But it's the same thing. And I think the map is really large. God, I haven't played it. I hope I'm getting this right.

But people are complaining that it's what I call a hiking simulator, you know, where you have to, like, walk for 10 minutes to get to the action. That's how all battlefields have been, like, that's what turned me off from, God, I don't remember what battlefield it was. You guys always say this, and it's just not fair because you have to spawn on your squad like like if you've got a squad who's who's like actively fighting then it's only when your squad it's only when the game first begins or when your squad gets completely wiped out that you're ever not spawning in the action just for the the record, my feelings are a little hurt that you think that I'm that stupid or that bad at

Battlefield. I've got, I don't know how many hours in the game, but I know how to spawn on my squad. I know how to spawn in the planes and parachute down. But there is a truth that sometimes your squad is obviously about to die and they're a bad spawn point.

Or they're already dead and they're not a spawn point at all. You don't have teammates setting up spawn points with, what is it, a radio? There's like a tack insert version type thing in there. Sometimes you do have to hike in, and people would say, well, use the plane, use the helicopter, use a jeep or something like that. And there's some truth to to that but it's a big map it's a big map and it's definitely a vehicle-based fps and um like people yeah those tanks people are fussing that the tanks are very powerful on reddit and uh you know so if that's what you like in a shooter where kind of like real life if you're not in a vehicle you

kind of you know of limited use that that's what you'll find in yeah i don't i don't have like any time in any of the battlefields aside from like when battlefield 2 i think came out i played for like maybe an hour at a friend's house and that was what i didn't like is that i was obviously just playing myself i didn't know anybody in my squad and so my squad was getting just butt fucked and i was of no help and so i just had to keep sprinting into death it felt like but i haven't i haven't played a single fps since kyle and i started playing um age of mythology months ago like i haven't turned a single one on i've only played rTS and then now turn-based Civ. I was sponsored by EA to play

Battlefield games for a while. Maybe 3 and 4? I forget. So, like, I've got some time in the game. I would get gameplays and stuff. I used to do Mail Monday in Battlefield sometimes. But, uh... It's a different kind of combat. And it definitely doesn't lean

itself towards like the lone wolf player who wants to go and jump in and have some fun because that's cod for sure you can jump in tdm and go get you know go win and play and have fun but in battlefield if you're if it's a spot if it's a squad of randoms and you don't have communication and coordination yeah it's not any fun and the maps are really big and It's a punishment. Yeah, I feel like that's a thing that you guys are... Like, there are definitely smaller maps. Battlefield 4 in particular had these indoor maps that were, like, cod-sized maps, if not small cod-sized maps. I guess it depends what game mode, right?

Yeah. Maybe we're playing Gold Rush or something like that. It just seemed like every game we played, it was fucking a giant desert. There are servers that play the same 1 to 3 tiny maps over and over and over again, if that's what you're going for. But, um...

So we'll see. I have to play Battlefield 1. I'm interested enough, I think, to get in the beta. It's open, right? Anyone can just download it and give it a go? Yeah, you can just download it. It's open, right? Anyone can just download it and give it a go? Yeah, you can just download it. It's called Battlefield 1? What is with this stupid fucking trend of naming things that aren't 1

1? It wasn't the Xbox One. It's not Battlefield 1. It's like Battlefield 6, isn't it? It's called Battlefield 1. I think. Are they trying to trick consumers into thinking that these are

new games? That they're not... You know what I mean? Maybe it's a new generation of gamers coming up. And it's World War 1. That's a bit of a play on words there, I guess. Battlefield World War. So apparently the servers are down

by a DDoS attack. Yeah, that's what... I didn't download it initially because, A, I figured it was going to take a while to download, and I wanted a game right then. I wanted to play Civ or something. And, B, I was like, shit, they just opened this thing up to the world, and this thing is super popular on Reddit. I was wondering if they'd be able to serve all the people.

Is it DDoS attack, or are they just not being able to handle the traffic? It said DDoS attack on Forbes. That's what I know. I would say, if I were them, I would claim DDoS attack too, I think. Yeah, just take that. Well, if it was run by Donald Trump, it would have been like, so it's understood that it was a DDoS attack that ruined the beta launch of your new game?

Absolutely not. It was absolutely because of too many people on my servers. My servers were not designed for this many people. A lot of illegal users of those servers. He would have done something like that. But it's an open beta. It's free to everyone. Ah, not Mexicans.

Not Mexicans. It's free to white tax-owning land-owning males. I don't know. I'm'm interested i'm really liking a sieve a ton now the whole uh yeah kyle there give him the thumbs up happy he converted me but i'm liking uh i put like 278 like 280 turns into a game over like the past week just my own kind of private game like last five days and i would hop in and play a few turns and i eventually just quit because i didn't turn off the uh the setting where when you go to the next turn you have to watch like the camera goes and it shows you every little fucking thing that every other player is doing and there's like

10 ais in there and so i was desperately the whole game trying to avoid war keep everybody happy because if a war started and that goddamn bastard from assyria again started going oh hey alexander the great we're gonna come after you it all of a sudden meant that the turn, when I hit next turn, it would be a full three to four minutes. Doesn't sound like a lot of time, but it is a fuck ton of time to watch every military unit of every player move around. It was like, this is unbearable. This is not worth it. You got to turn quick combat, quick movement, all that stuff on.

In the later game, when there's planes, the animation for a bomber to leave your city, go out and bomb something, and then come back, it takes like 3-4 seconds. So if there's 50 bombers going off, sometimes there will be a turn timer, so you won't have enough time

to even play, because there were just bombers flying the whole time that you had to for some reason watch. You always got to turn that off. The settings of the game are important or the game is unbearable. Can we play a game in this setting we're talking about? I don't know.

I always set my games up with quick combat and quick movement on. I don't know if you can or not. Yeah, I switched to quick combat and quick movement and it's much, much better now holy shit i was really coming close to like like when i uh messaged you the other day kyle asked i'm like how the hell do i turn this off and you had an answer pretty quick i was like thank god because if there was no way to turn this off i'm fucking done with this game this is stupid but yeah yeah i'm really enjoying it's so multifaceted it's hard to figure out what i need to be doing i looked up like build orders but then after looking at a

couple i was like i don't even want to do this because then it's like i'm not even coming up with my own scheme to those builders don't work anywhere like in a multiplayer uh environment though they just don't work because you have to be reactionary and uh and you have to be looking you have to be playing the hand that you're dealt every time. You can't just do A, B, and C and win. Not really. I like fucking with the opponents. You know how you can

settle a city pretty close to their city and they'll be like, hey, what are you doing here? Get out of my area. You can either say, eat shit, or you can say, I'll settle where I please. Or, oh my goodness, I am so, so sorry. This will not happen again.

And I always just say, like, oh my goodness, I'm so, so sorry. And immediately they're, like, on their back foot in their little animation where they're like, well, don't feel too bad about it. Like, it's okay, you know. Just don't do it again. It's all right. And it's like, by that point, like, Sparta is three squares from their capital stealing their good shit. If you keep that promise to them, you'll be rewarded

for it after 10 or 15 turns. I don't remember. I don't even remember what the reward is. You get culture or something like that. I must have never kept that promise. Yeah, yeah. I haven't got a reward from it. I usually don't keep those promises either. We should play with some fans.

I'm going to be playing probably a couple nights this week, so if you join that PKA Steam group listeners out there, I'm usually getting players from there. I've played a couple times. It's been really fun. I like playing with the fans because the whole time

they're making PKA references and talking way too much and being a little annoying. That makes the game interesting. Otherwise, it gets monotonous in the later rounds. So I've been having fun playing with you guys. Wildcat beat me, so good job, Wildcat. Was it a respectable victory from Wildcat, or do you feel cheated? I feel...

I could have won if I'd done things differently, so I should just not make any excuses, but I lost by two turns. He got his science victory before I get my diplomatic victory, and he was all the way across the map. Couldn't get to him. He wonder-hoard the whole time and didn't build a military while I built a military and conquered

a couple of capitals, so I don't know. I think my play style was more respectable than his. But he got the victory. Yeah, at the end of the day, your people were visiting his town to look at all the wonders. You know, you got the Leaning Tower of Pisa. No, at the end of the day, he left the fucking solar system. Yeah, he went to Alpha Centauri or something in his goddamn spaceship.

Is that what happens? Yeah. So your whole civilization leaves. You're like, we're going somewhere else, taking our own path. There's an animation that makes you feel good. That's what I was trying to do until I quit that game

and 280 turns in. You should just watch that animation on YouTube. It'll take 10 seconds, and then never play the game so boringly that you get a science win, Because it's just... You're just managing your empire. Just build, build, build, build. You just got to build a bunch of...

If you play on... Is it Chief? I forget. Some of the lower levels. It gets to where you can win by anything you want to win by. Do you want to win by domination? Do you want to win by science? Do you want to win by culture?

You are clearly in charge of this situation that that's how i've done it yeah i'm trying to play on at least the king level which i guess is hard or normal i don't remember yeah i don't know i mean the word it says next to it i don't remember what it is because i know prince is normal because that's the one i was wanting to play at but But you were like, oh, always play at least King so you get better. And they, like, some of them were really giving me some trouble at some points. Where they kind of attack or have, you can turn on random personalities. Which I tried. I thought that was kind of, okay, I guess I did the wrong thing there.

But one of the personalities was apparently really pissed off. And just was immediately like sending that first warrior to just come over and try and pillage shit like it was it was aggravating so uh didn't end up playing too much of that game yeah yeah we should we should play uh free for all or some two versus two or maybe we'll get chiz has been building his pc for like a week now um maybe eight days or something like that. He keeps saying, oh, there's parts coming in, and oh, there's more parts coming in. It's like,

I don't know what's going on over there. All I know is that Chiz has been building a PC for like seven or eight days now and hasn't been gaming or really on Skype much either. What we don't know is that Chiz has been dead in his closet for two weeks now and that some transient vagabond has been running the entire

ad side of PKA for weeks. That's why he won't come as a guest. Because if he turns that camera on, we're going to see some dude we don't recognize. I hope that's not true. Well, I hope not as well. I don't think it is. Hey, we don't have a guest again.

That is true. Chiz could have been the guest. It's all starting to come together. Yeah. Yeah, I wish he would come back on the show. I have fun talking with Chiz, and he has very wildly disparate opinions about damn near everything than me,

and so it's fun to talk. Yeah, politically, you guys are opposite ends of the spectrum. Yeah. We agree on more stuff. i guess we agree on everything socially like does neither of us give a shit like i feel like most people all of us at least are you know you want to get married i don't give a fuck i don't give a fuck if you marry an energy drink like do whatever you want i don't care you want to get an abortion like i don't care i don't care do it just go don't even don't talk about it or tweet about it just go do it i don't care. Whatever you want. I don't care. You want to get an abortion? Like, I don't care. I don't care. Do it.

Just go. Don't even, don't talk about it or tweet about it. Just go do it. I don't care. Like, it's not a priority in my head as far as what needs solving in the U.S. Not even a little. Like, I don't, I feel like zero time should be spent on those things. Just be like, yeah, we can do all that now.

All that stuff, we can do it. Yeah. It's legal now. Don't even worry about it. Now we can focus on some other things. I'm, I'm, if the election was held today, I would vote for Gary Johnson. The trouble is the only stuff I see about him is that surface-like positive things. You know when they do like the checklists with the red and the green, like checks and Xs?

And Gary Johnson lines up with all these popular things. And meanwhile, like Trump and Hillary have have these negative chinks against them. I feel like I say chink a lot and it's very racist. I'm not sure. The chink in their armor? I don't know. But they have these dings against them. Maybe.

Whatever. Is ding racist too? What the fuck is wrong with you people? Ding is not racist. What do you really hate? Did you just say ding? Don't go spouting that off in Cambodia. Ding racist too? What the fuck is wrong with you people? Ding is not racist. What do you really hate? Did you just say ding? Don't go spouting that off in Cambodia. Ding is a surfboard hole.

But a dink is a... I'm pretty sure, and that's what I thought you said. A dink to me is dual income, no kids. Like the modern day yuppie. Let me confirm my suspicions. It's a whop in their armor that's an italian guy um uh anyway uh uh yeah but i feel like there's a lot of candidates that you just love until you know them like if you were to say hey would you take hillary or an unnamed

democrat the unnamed democrat always does better Same thing would happen on the Republican side. The Republicans now, it appears that the majority of them wish they had someone other than Trump, right? But let's put Trump against a specific person. Like, oh, do you wish you had Cruz? Do you wish you had Jeb right now? Are you wishing that you had Rand Paul? Then Trump would beat them again, just like he did last time.

But yeah, Gary Johnson, to me, is that guy I only know a little bit about. Yeah, he's not important enough for anybody to focus on him, and so it allows people to just kind of project what they want him to be onto him more, where it's kind of like, oh man, he allows

weed, and so he must be really cool and all the other things that I like. When really, it's just like, no, if there was any critique was any critique and first of all let me state i don't know fucking anything about gary johnson but i do know that the more attention a political person pulls the more critique they're going to garner which is why trump gets so much shit in addition to the fact that he says dumb things but he's on tv all the time everywhere so it gives people a huge amount to critique sometimes these libertarians when like you really look at what they're into, are just destroying the government.

They're like, no EPA whatsoever. You're like, really, none? None? So power plants just dump their ash in the river? Do you want to be China, air quality-wise? Like, we'll completely get rid of this and all that. Like, right now, are you worried that your bank is going to take your money and run no like the government kind of stops that banks are as trustworthy as it gets pretty much right they could children put their money in there and sleep well at night but um you know you take away the government agencies that monitor that sort of stuff and

all of a sudden it just disappears problems happens happen. Go on. A chink is an ethnic slur against a Chinese person and dink is a racial slur against a North Vietnamese person. So really batting a thousand with those slurs.

I'm liking it. Isn't a fink some kind of rat animal? A fink? A fink in your I'm liking it. What is it isn't a think some kind of rat animal a think a Think in your armor that would mean more that there was like a ferret crawling around under your breastplate That's a much bigger problem. Yeah, hey get him out a Chink in one's armor refers to an area of vulnerability This traditionally be used to refer to a weak spot in a figurative suit of armor. Like an Achilles heel. That's how I'm using it.

A chink in the armor. Not an Asian dude in the armor. Like he snuck in there. Yeah, right? Like a Trojan horse. A small Asian man in the armor. Ready to do bad things. They are tiny.

We were talking about penises somewhere like somewhere in the Oz discussion. I mentioned it before, but I have seen in my hockey days, the hard to find gigantic Asian penis. You played hockey with an Asian guy? Yeah. With a big cock. That is,

like, I'm just, I'm just talking about hockey and Asians right now. I played the entire time I played hockey, which was for my entire life, from, like, six to college, never played with an Asian guy. I saw, there was one Asian guy in one league that I was in at one point. I played with black guys. I played with, I think, a couple Hispanic guys even.

Never an Asian guy. I had never thought about that until right now. That's weird. This guy was a forward. He could could score he was one of the top three players on the team asian big dick he's a unicorn really and he was good at hockey he was very good at hockey he was better than i would wish i was as good as him how was he in bed do you want to do paramotor talk sure so you've had some developments in paramotor land and that's why that's why i want to do paramotor talk um i guess you had another rough landing i saw on your vlog and your uh your contraption got dinged up a little bit they fixed it up good as new yeah a ding dinged up yeah you got it all dinged up and uh and and i guess your thought process now is that that you would like a lighter

uh paramotor one that's maybe easier to haul around throw on your back you'd be a one-man crew instead of having to kind of needing an assistant there to help you get this thing up and going and you and maybe that would be better for the landings as well, right? Yeah. So the paramotor I have, Fresh Breeze, is thought to be a very good one. It's like respected amongst other paramotorists. It might be like the Mercedes-Benz of paramotors. Not necessarily a light little Ferrari, but like a decked out, comfortable, good Mercedes Benz. And there are

times when the weight of it is a challenge for me. Like if the winds go in the wrong direction, I have to carry the thing like two football fields so that I can launch, you know, in that way. And as my technique gets better, that bothers me less,. But even little things, like if you want to move it from outside to inside, you really want to help her because it weighs like 90 pounds. Like 95 pounds maybe, you know, it's full of gas. You can't just grab that and throw it on your back like a backpack. Like you kind of, you get one side, I'll get the other. And everyone else just grabs the two backpack straps and carries it by themselves.

everyone else just grabs the two backpack straps and carries it by themselves and um they make paramotors in my size you know for guys who weigh as much as i do uh that don't weigh as much as my paramotor and i don't know maybe it's a grass is always greener thing whatever uh the last time i damaged my paramotor it wouldn't have been damaged if it turned off the kill switch wasn't working and somewhere in mid flight right so normally you kill it before you land and that's nice because like if things go wonky or whatever

the prop won't get caught up in all the lines there's all these complicated lines that lead to the wing so you turn it off so it's not spinning anymore and mine wouldn't turn off and it just so happens that come down with a landing if the prop wasn't spinning it wouldn't have broken you know the the cage flexed a little bit and because it's going at whatever a thousand rpm it it got broken now they fixed it for free which was very nice and they did an amazing job but have you flown in that uh paramotor since then no since the incident no i haven't that was my last flight which i really like to get that one back it was it was all in my i know like a dude

i feel like i can land that nine times out of ten i'm good enough i was just fucked up in the head it was so bumpy i was blowing my my approaches and I was doing approaches in a way that was harder than they needed to be. In particular, instead of coming down at a straight angle from really high, it's much easier to hit your spot if you just go along low and then aim from low. Does that make sense? That makes sense. So it wasn't the biggest problem, though, that the kill switch didn't work? So it wasn't the biggest problem, though, that the kill switch didn't work? That was just like one of a couple things that didn't go right. Like the kill switch didn't work, and that messed with your head a little bit, and I was landing in the wrong spot.

The biggest problem is I landed on an uphill. If it wasn't for that, I'd have been able to run it out. But when you're coming down and you're landing on an uphill, it creates kind of a crash thing as opposed to something you can run out. on an uphill, it creates kind of a crash thing, as opposed to something you can run out. I just feel like life would be easier if my paramotor were 30 pounds lighter.

So, I don't know, I'm a bit of a cheater. That is the most first world sentence I've ever heard in my entire life. My life would be easier if my personal flying machine was 30 pounds lighter well hopefully the new one you get is it's all your specifications or maybe wait like a year and then maybe like a

brand new like ultralight like you know how they did with hockey sticks where like the first ones were like wood and then they eventually were like hey we can make way better shit than this and they started making way better shit and then even like even more and hey, we can make way better shit than this. And they started making way better shit and then even more. And even if you go pick up a hockey stick right now, it's about the same weight as, I don't know, like three quarters stacked on top of each other and you can put all your weight on it and flex.

They're so light and so strong. Eventually, paramotors are going to go the same trajectory, right? Carbon fiber paramotors. Top notch. Yeah, carbon fiber. That's what I was looking for. Maybe. We'll see. I'd like to test drive the light ones

and see what I'm missing. Maybe there's something about it that you know, there's a, I don't know, you go from a Mercedes to like a F1 car and you're like, oh shit, I missed air conditioning and this radio and all the things that are nice about it.

The suspension in mine is nice. There's between the motor, which creates a lot of heat, and my seat is an extra layer, so my seat doesn't get too hot. Maybe I'd hate not having that. I don't know. But it would be lighter too. So I just watched a Twitter video

of some leaked footage from the remastered Call of Duty 4. Oh, nice. Let's watch that. You probably shouldn't show it on here or this video will get taken down, but you guys could peruse it yourselves. It doesn't look good to me. So the game looks good. The game looks a lot better. I see that the perks are still there. I saw a guy sniping the M40, and I saw a guy using an M4.

It looked like... Link it. It is linked. It's in that... I'll do it again. I'll do it here. Yeah, I can't switch conversations or I just start showing private shit. I understand. So, but it looked like the M40 was scoping in very, very slowly. And if you look, he even puts the little annotation or whatever on there.

It says, you know, it feels like Black Ops 1 sniping. It's scoping in really slowly. And then when I saw the death animations are identical. You just drop dead. But it doesn't look like it feels like cod for if that makes sense just the way that the players are taking damage when they're getting shot they're just dropping dead like you did in modern warfare 2 instead of like taking damage damage damage damage dead it what i see there doesn't look good at all oh it's on overgrown

one of my favorite maps. Yeah. Did you like Overgrown? I really liked Overgrown. Yeah, I liked Overgrown. I liked it for S&D because I ran the same route every... At the end of COD 4, I just played Search and Destroy pretty much only. And so I liked all the game battles maps. The guy says it feels like Modern Warfare 2 in his little description on the tweet thing.

I think that's in reference to the rifle he's using at the time. What is it, an ACR maybe? I couldn't tell. No, it's an M4. He's playing COD 4. Well, he's playing COD 4 with the M4. He's saying that the game feels like Modern Warfare 2. Oh, that's very slow scoping.

Yeah. I don't care for that. God damn it. Why do they have to tinker? Why tinker with something that isn't even your main game? Why not just leave it the same? Like, this is what we were talking about a year ago. That's part of what I was so excited to get back and do,

is just be like, throw an ACOG on an M40 sniper rifle, and then just go to town and enjoy, oh, I just caught him right in the side of his knee dead ah brutal toe shot dead like that that was fun and it wasn't unbalanced because you get one shot most of the time you miss because anyone who's decent with an m16 or assault rifle is gonna kill you close up unless you just get wildly lucky it's well i guess that's not fair. It was easy to do pretty well with that ACOG scope because it ADS'd so quickly. That sucks. That's the

number one thing I was so excited for. I don't want to go back and play with the MP5 and M16 that much. I got my fill of that when it was out. I'm upset by that because we only saw a little glimpse of the game there, but if they tinkered with those things, then I'm worried they tinkered with those things then i'm worried they tinkered

with a lot of stuff that they might have thought needed tinkering with and i wanted it warts and all i wanted like when you watch a movie you sort of watch that movie if you like most people once or twice and just enjoy what's on the surface of it if you play a video game you are like turning over every pebble on the ground, every blade of grass, every line of sight. Like, you know, a video game in a way that very few people know that movie. And like, we're looking at it and we're like, I don't know. It seems like the scope in is at least a 10th of a second off of what I'm accustomed to. And it makes a difference it's huge right you know like the damage if the lines of sight change just a tiny bit it's a huge problem um yeah we're i don't know we're looking at very

close details but they matter yeah it's to me it's that they tinkered at all and like i said that like they take it with this this, and we just saw a few seconds of footage, and there's barely anything in it. But we instantly found something that I don't like. I'm just worried that Search and Destroy isn't going to be the same, that Sound Horde isn't going to be the same, and I'm going to be disappointed by it.

Oh, go ahead, Kyle. Sorry. I hope there's more information that comes out and we find out what the deal is. The only thing I wanted added was the round ending or game-winning kill cam. I hope there's more information that comes out and we find out what the deal is. The only thing I wanted added was the round ending or game winning kill cam. And I was hoping that's all they would add. Because that's an awesome feature.

That was the best addition to a COD game ever. The slow motion kind of final kill cam. That's all that I wanted. And I wanted them to keep the snipers the same because that game was perfect for really cool wacky kills at the end because you could spin so quickly, you could spin quickly in any of them,

but you actually had a good shot at one-shotting someone from across the map instead of just trying in futility to do a 360 in Black Ops and then hit them from across the map, and they kind of just go like, ah, fucker, like, they don't die. Yeah, that's upsetting.

I'm still excited for uh civilization six though although but the more i look at it the less i i mean i i think i like the way civ 5 looks better than the the way civ 6 looks but with a game like that it's it's not about the looks for me anyway it's about about the gameplay. So the gameplay looks very cool for Civ 6. I don't want to learn too much about Civ at this point. I want to learn enough to be presentable at Civ, but I don't want to be burdened down when Civ 6 comes out. I want to be able to naturally pick up the new play style, I guess, because you were saying that it looks...

I don't know too much. I just know that if I get really accustomed to playing one way in Civ civ 5 which is kind of what you do when you learn a new game like when kyle was learning asian mythology he perfected one strategy with the atlanteans to get himself presentable and then he would kind of just moved on to other shit but he still knew on the back burner i can be real good with these atlanteans at any time like that's what i'm trying to do with civ like i'm trying to be like okay i, okay, I can consistently get this kind of army out, get a bunch of crossbowmen by turn whatever, but if I get too ingrained in that, then I'll just probably be shittier at Civ VI.

I don't know anything about it, not nearly as much as you, Kyle, but you were saying that it does look quite a bit different, right? Lots and lots of differences. I mean, one of the ones that's going to change gameplay a lot is the way roads are constructed now. No longer can you build a road with a worker anywhere you want, wherever you want.

You can literally cover every tile on the map with a road in Civ. You know, not mountains, of course, but in Civ V, that is. In Civ VI, roads are created by trade routes between cities, and that's the only way they exist. So if you want a road between you and your enemy or you want a road between Atlanta and Miami,

you're going to have to create a trade route between the two to actually create that road. Then there's the whole district system where you're creating different districts on tiles and there's all kinds of adjacency bonuses. There's a lot of new stuff. The culture tree is reworked. The way technologies work is reworked, in that if you're a coastal city, you're going to learn to sail much, much faster

than a desert civilization will, just naturally. I like that. That sounds kind of neat you know like when you start doing that the desert city better be good at something too i don't know what it is you know they're gonna need less food to grow i'm not sure i played a game where oil whoever bought the game for me included all the map packs oh jesus map packs and everything and so i was playing one on like mainland japan because i thought that looked neat and i wanted to try the japanese and i built like three coastal cities all around and started building a bunch of those ships for trade and i

didn't know those things can only go 20 tiles and so i was like this is useless i've got a whole coastal empire that's incapable of trade. They're all too far away from each other to trade at all. It's Japan, and so I was trying to do boat trades because I'd upgraded a bunch of shit that gave me bonuses to gold if I traded by sea. And so I was trying to get those

sea trading, and then by the time I spent all those resources and time getting a bunch of cargo ships and researching the shit that I needed, and I tried to assign one to a trade it was like it just it wouldn't let me select anything it said nothing was available you can from any of your cities because you can you can you can send them amongst your cities and then you can send them to i don't know that's weird i put one at north like i started near like like two-thirds of the way up japan with kyoto and then i founded with the other one with all the same letters in different orders north of that and then uh the other one with most

of the same letters in different orders and the south of japan all on the coast on purpose but they were all more than 20 tiles away and i hadn't done a good job of um keeping the city states happy because i guess i was settling way too close to them so I only had like one of them to trade with and it wasn't a very good payoff and they were sending their well they don't have to me I'm confused because like they don't have to be your friend to trade with you unless they're at war with you they'll they'll always trade with you that's that's odd no I was saying you can trade with them, but I was saying I was getting like, you know how it says

in that thing, like the arrows? Like you get this and then you send this. And I was getting nothing out of it, but I was receiving a bunch of faith points of their religion, I guess. Which is, I don't know if that's a big deal, but I wasn't sending them any religion and I didn't want to be the only one getting influence.

Is that a big deal? Eh, not for you. No, no, probably not. You know, I really probably shouldn't focus on that, that tiny little minuscule thing. That's that, that's like some, that's some high level stuff when you're starting to worry about religious pressure.

Well, then I should not do that. I'm at a point where I get impatient and I have like grand plans for my empire, but then once it gets to be, like, I don't know, the medieval or renaissance era, I'm just like, Jesus Christ, fuck it, fuck it. I'm just going to build a military and attack. Like, this is getting out of control how long this is taking.

Yeah, we should play. I'm going to play probably tonight. I've been out all day. I've been driving around. I had to go help some friends move, and so, like, I'm all ready to do something. I've been, like, working with my hands all day. I've been driving around and I had to go help some friends move. And so I'm all ready to do something. I've been working with my hands all day. I want to sit down and

chill. So after this, I think I'm going to play some. But next time we play, I'll focus more on strategies. Because the first couple times we played, we talked about how to play the fucking game. So I'll show you how to come up with a plan and then make it come to fruition. And then really buttfuck some people. It's so much'll show you how to like come up with a plan and then make it come to fruition

and then really butt fuck some people it's it's it's so much fun when you go in with your your unique unit or your crossbow army or whatever and they're just like ah well shit my game is ruined and they get all mad in the chat box like ah you they were giving you extra luxuries weren't they you're a cheater that's great That makes me feel real good. To just upset them that much. I was pretty upset at Wildcat last night when he beat me. I left the game.

I just fucking left. He wrote me later and I wrote back to him. I'm not a complete douche, but I needed to get out of there. I was pretty pissed. Let me do a little ad read here. This episode of Painkiller Already is being brought to you by our friends at Audible. Audible includes more than 180,000 audio programs from leading audiobook publishers, broadcasters, entertainers, magazines, and newspaper

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Chiz always puts a little note in here, and he suggests Andy Weir's The Martian, you know, the Matt Damon movie. And, of course, you could always go for some Game of Thrones. I've heard The Martian's really good. Taylor, did you read The Martian? I did. I really enjoyed it. It would be a good one on audiobook as well

because of the way it's written. It's like by journal entries. And so as long it would be a good one on audio book as well because of the way it's written. It's like a, by journal entries. And so as long as they have a good person reading it, which I mean, audio books have been around long enough now that I'm sure they have like a contingent of people. Don't you want Matt Damon?

No, no, I do not want to listen to Matt Damon read that. I'd much rather, I prefer the guy from, I would pay a hundred dollars. He's a liberal. I would pay one. No, the guy from... Is it because he's a liberal? I would pay $100 extra.

I'm not a big fan of Matt Damon. Because he's a liberal! That's it! No, I just... He's one of those actors that I don't like very much. That everybody seems to like. And I've never seen a movie where he just blew me away. Even Good Will Hunting. Is it because he likes teachers unions?

You nailed me on it. That's what it is. Even when he was delivering those huge speeches in Good Will Hunting, I still, like when Robin Williams was given his side in that movie, I was like, oh, Jesus. This is really, this is incredible. I was not as compelled by Matt Damon. So, I don't know.

And maybe I'm influenced by a Team America World Police where they really just tore him apart. Matt Damon. So, I don't know. And maybe I'm influenced by a Team America World Police where they really just tore him apart. Matt Damon. You know, he wasn't supposed to be retarded in that. Do you know the story? Yeah, the puppet came out looking retarded, so they just kept him retarded. Well, we don't have an extra puppet budget just playing around.

That's going to cost dozens of dollars. Have you guys been watching the hurricane forecast as we record this a hurricane it looked big and sweet as hurricanes tend to that um it's making landfall in florida right now it seems as a cat one hurricane which is the lowest hurricane but but still, hurricane. How many cats was Sandy? Four or five. How many cats can there be? Five. Like ten? Five.

Yeah. I knew a lady had like 15 cats living with her. Ah, cat lady. Gross. Are you guys supposed to get hit by it at all? I know you're both way closer to hurricane territory than I am. Right. We're supposed to get get rain i'm supposed to go paramotoring this weekend and uh i'm sitting here trying to convince myself like this is exactly how the wizard of oz starts like don't do this

don't do it so there's an event in florida um right where the hurricane is is hitting. And Eric Farewell is doing a fly-in. I guess his – so if people don't know, Eric Farewell left YouTube after they changed the algorithm. His views dropped by a bunch. And he got into – also he fell in love with paramotoring. So he opened a school down there and he sells the light paramotor I was talking about earlier. And they just, I guess, expanded and added a new hangar. And he's doing this, like, hey, come see the new hangar kind of open event. And I was like, oh, it's a perfect time for me to go see what's up.

Except for the hurricane. That's the one twist in it that makes it rough. You guys keep talking in the private chat. Jesus, give it, like, no's it's it's it's our chat it's it's it's the i can't change the chat i'll have to get another yeah i'll tell him to put his suggestions over here i'll invite him i guess but he can't do that yeah yeah that's the thing he's not he's not in here he's just he's too sweaty to come on the show that's that was his excuse that was not his excuse on the on the whole he said uh he's so he's got his air conditioner like right next to his setup and that's you know that's

running but he has to turn it off to do the show with us otherwise there's a loud hum and he says that it's already like 75 degrees in there he turns that ac off he's gonna melt he's gonna be all sweaty and he doesn't have his pc put together right now anyway yeah he has another computer yeah he does he has a laptop the one he was typing to us with yeah so yeah it's clearly not a technological barrier here but it's understandable i guess i wouldn't only jizz has tech know-how to install a webcam. To be fair, if I hadn't been on the show as long as he hasn't, I would not want my first appearance back to be sitting in his dark room like he does, just sopping, sopping wet, dripping with sweat.

Nobody knows what temperature we're sitting at, so they'll just be like, Jesus Christ, Jizz, are you going through heroin withdrawals or something? As a fan, I totally want that. It would be great podcasting. Chiz with like – we could get close-ups, right, of like beads of sweat coming down and off his forehead. No, I don't think that is the pull of Chiz. I think the pull of Chiz is that he has wildly different opinions than at least myself and Kyle and even more so, because he has quite a few differing opinions than you, Woody, where he

would make himself known and speak his opinion. It's always interesting having him on. To be honest, I feel like I'm in the middle. You and Kyle are over here, Chiz is over there, and here's me. That's how I see on the opinion scale. Of course you do. Of course you do.

Do you see it differently? I just see Taylor in particular and Chiz battling via text in Skype all the time about whether Elon Musk receives too much or not enough government funding. And I'm like – And then you get the – like I was talking to Chiz about that, and he kept... I was obviously doing work at the time, so I'm not giving my full attention to this argument, because I've... He's a try-hard arguer.

Yeah, and I've got shit to do. And so the way it works is I like to write in punchy statements so that it's like, you absorb this, you absorb that, bam, you get the third piece of the puzzle. Chiz writes it so that it's like you absorb this you absorb that bam you get the third piece of the puzzle chiz writes it so that you know i completely forget what the fuck we were talking about because 20 minutes has passed and then i get a ding on skype and i'm like oh what's somebody doing and if you were to print it it would be a page and a half it's just a page and a half and at that point i'm like i'm not reading this because i'm not gonna go through a bullet point response of ah and in section 3

Article 1 of your very long response. I noticed the discrepancy in your grammar like no I'm not gonna do that Oh, that's that's what I request in our in our political discussions via text that we give punchy sentences I don't like this because of this. This is why. Here's the repercussion. And then you can have a back and forth. But every time I see Chiz is typing, I'm like, oh, here we fucking go. There was a time when I thought

he was just a slow typer and he was over there like this, but then I started realizing, no, this motherfucker is writing you a dissertation on why you're fucking wrong in his opinion. That's what's going on right now. He's actually a very fast typer i worked with him at woody craft the man can type it like like at the rate that most people can speak so when it says dr chiz is typing and it just says that for a while expect a book bitch it is so much content and it's like oh my god like and in the arguments arguments aren't even that big a deal.

I'll just say the Elon Musk one, I was like, man, that's really kind of ridiculous how much love he gets. He's not a bad dude or anything. He's been successful through PayPal and whatnot. But he got a $5 billion subsidy from the U.S. government. And that's kind of the definition of crony capitalism. Yes, it is. 4.9. That's kind of the definition of crony capitalism. Yes, it is. 4.9. That's kind of the definition of crony capitalism, isn't it? That the government's backing a specific

person in a field so that they can socialize losses and privatize profits. That is kind of what crony capitalism is in a certain way, and it's only that people like Elon Musk and what he does that they give him this free pass, and Chiz did not care for that one bit. Come on, he's a modern-day Benjamin

Franklin. Don't we want to fund this guy? I feel like you made your argument better now than you did in writing. He was at fucking work! That's why I wanted to do stuff. Chiz is sitting there like, alright, me and Taylor in a debate? I'm sitting there like, okay, I got a meeting at 1, and then

oh, what's Chiz doing? Oh, okay, whatever. And that's more what it's like, but Chiz gets really into it. That's why I wanted to have him on the show, because we could both equally kind of go back and forth like that, because I'm much more confident in my ability to win that argument verbally than I am through text, because I just, sometimes I'll see those and be like, oh. I could go through and debunk this,

but it's going to take like an hour and a half don't you hate those condescending emojis that he like sticks right in there with his little dissertation that he'll send you his little manifesto he'll send you this fucking manifesto about why he's right and you're wrong and in there he'll like call you dumpling

or something and give you like a winky smiley face so so backhanded. He'll give you these backhanded compliments sometimes. Yeah, Chiz is no fun to argue with, mostly because he's just kind of an asshole when it comes to arguing about petty things. Oh, and because it never happens in the verbal medium,

which is far and away the most successful way to have these arguments, you know? And I'm sure that it would not be me just wiping the fucking floor with chis. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying that we'd have a much more measured discussion because right in the middle of his fourth paragraph, I could go, I take umbrage with that, sir, and this is why. And then he could go, oh, okay. Or I could say,

hey, what do you mean by that phrasing? Oh, well, what I meant to say was this. Ah, okay, because I misconstrued what you were saying and we could have got off into a weird rabbit trail if we hadn't corrected that. He's just very happy to be right if you're wrong. You have made his day. What do you mean? Like if he can correct you. Then that's what those arguments usually are right we're going back and forth about some some liberal social policy or something like that and one of us is speaking up about oh we really need to fund this

or that and then he's just like on and on about why you can't and then he'll like punctuate with his little winky smiley emoticon and be like nice try dumpling not too i don't know i'm trying to think of some good examples of this stuff he does it a lot yeah i like the way you join in in the conversations kyle where it'll just like you'll jump in every once in a while just be like i agree with taylor or you'll just jump in and say i agree or something like that war of words between the two of them about some stupid shit. I agree. What I really want to talk about is why are you fucking talking about this?

We should really be focusing on why Japan is a superior civ. I just want to talk about video games and silliness. That's the whole point. They end up arguing about politics. I used to argue with Chiz at WoodyCraft. And this is the thing that i do all the time it irritates my wife i call people out when they do what like when they cheat in their debates you know so i remember one in particular we're doing a game type we were like

redoing it and i was like hey i want it so when they drop in they're presented with some sort of instructions i think i wanted them to spawn them with a book in their hand. And therefore, if a player who's never played this game type before, they've got like a rough outline on what to do. And then Cheers would be like, no, that's a terrible idea. It'll be 930 pages long and no one's going to read that. No one's going to do this and this and that. And I'm like, no, no, no, no. Just give them like a four page, like how you get started,

some of the core commands. And I always felt like he misstated what I wanted. He would change my idea into one that was stupid and argue against that, the old straw man attack. Well, that's the best way to argue if you don't have a defensible position. but the good side about woody craft arguments is that in the end I would always just pull the well okay I appreciate your feedback but I've made a decision yeah I do like another another common one is uh that I've been getting more not just from chis but anyone is the whole uh i know you are but what am i kind of thing where everybody takes an attack on their like an attack on their favorite candidate as the best response is to attack their favorite candidate like like you say like you know hillary's done all this that and the other thing and really corrupt and this and that and then the

response isn't a yeah i agree or no you're wrong and this is why it And then the response isn't a, yeah, I agree or no, you're wrong. And this is why it's, well, look at what Trump does. And it's like, well, no, now we're talking past each other because you want to talk about what Trump's done. How about we have a separate conversation on that after this. But for now we're discussing this. And if we get to just speaking past each other into a who's worse scenario, then we've already lost track of everything because obviously by virtue of the fact that we're discussing this we have different opinions on which would be worse for the future of the country and so that's just fucking pisses me off because it ruins discourse if someone says trump is shitty and racist in this way and they come back with well hillary is this that and the

other or hillary is corrupt it takes money from corrupt countries and does x y and z and you go oh well trump uh he his line of stakes isn't even real like just it's it's not my wife it's just infuriating so my wife has been really engaged this election cycle and um she's i don't think she's pro-hillary uh what she really is is anti-trump and uh like many people who are anti-Trump or even anti-Hillary, every day she's fed more view confirmation information. So it's a can you believe what Trump did now? Can you believe Trump did that? What do you think of Trump visiting this Mexican president and stuff like that? And I'll be like, you know, Hillary did this or that.

I'm really concerned about how corrupt she appears to be. And like I was telling you, I haven't seen the real beautiful, like, we gave her money and we got this in return. But I see a lot of smoke. I just haven't seen... Well, there's plenty of fire out there, but I feel like the goalposts have been moved to the point of what people want is,

well, unless we see a document that says, hi, I'm Hillary Clinton, and if you donate $10 million to the Clinton Foundation, I will facilitate this deal between a large corporation in the US and your country or whatever the hell. But what you do see is Saudi Arabia paying tens of millions of dollars into the Clinton Foundation, and then you see Hillary Clinton, the interstate department, making a priority of facilitating sales from Boeing in like dozens, like I think 80 or something fighter jets to Saudi Arabia. Those jets have been used in the Middle East to kill some innocent civilians by Saudi Arabia. And that's about as much fire as you can be, is that this is someone who took huge sums of money from a country that violates human rights, has no respect for women, has no respect for non-Muslims, and

in turn for that, facilitated a deal of arms that Hillary Clinton's State Department prioritized, selling munitions, not munitions so much, I guess munitions, yeah, that's a good word, munitions and arms, to Saudi Arabia. Like, what is that, If not pay for influence. Even that, like that one is probably one of the better examples I've seen. But I'm like, really? You think the United States relationship with Saudi Arabia was shaped by a Clinton Foundation donation?

Absolutely. It absolutely was. It seems like we had that relationship long before Hillary was in the State Department and after Hillary left the State Department. We have not had it to the extent that it was before Hillary was in the State Department. And of course, we've probably sold weapons. I mean, one of the U.S.'s biggest businesses is selling weapons around the world because we make damn good weapons but to see even that what you said is is kind of taking away the point that she and her state department accepted

tens of millions of dollars and then gave preferential business to saudi arabia are you sure i bet if i google i could find weapon sales under Republican governments. I'm sure you could, but that's not defending it either. I don't think we should be providing arms to these nations that have all these human rights issues and use these weapons to kill many innocent people. Just when I'm looking for the fire, right? We've seen the smoke. The smoke is the donations. The smoke is, huh, it seems like the rate of civilians

and the way that it corresponds to who's donating to her have a lot in common. But then when I look into it, a lot of times they ask for shit and don't get it. You know, Bono really didn't get fucking put on the moon or whatever the hell he wanted. That guy that had real estate to sell, right? So he donates to Hillary. He has real estate to sell. Suddenly he's on the government shortlist and they don estate to sell, right? So he donates to Hillary. He has real estate to sell. Suddenly, he's on the government shortlist, and they don't pick him, right? So that – like I'm looking for fire.

When you say all the – But he did – he got on the government shortlist because he gave money? It looks – well, I mean because he gave money – Which would stand to reason that other people on that shortlist were there because they gave money. And so more than likely, she just gave preferential treatment to the person on that short list. He didn't give enough money. He donated the most money. He gave enough money to get on the list, but to win, you really got to dig deep.

We're making a lot of jumps there, though, right? Like, did he get on that list because he made money or because the property he owned was appropriate, right? I know it seems suspicious that he gave money, then suddenly his property was somewhat appropriate. But in the end, he totally lost out on the deal. That's not fire to me. The thing you brought up before, like we've been selling weapons to Saudi Arabia for 20 years. She was secretary of state for four of those. That's not fire to me either. You know, that to me is just business as usual. I'm really looking for... It's not business as usual. It's a huge sum compared to what we've done in the past with Saudi Arabia. I did look into this. Maybe I'm off base and I didn't do enough research,

but I feel comfortable that from what I've looked at so far, that is the case. Her State Department prioritized to a much higher degree the sale of weapons to Saudi Arabia than prior state departments. And regardless of the whole fire thing, if nothing nefarious was happening with the Clinton Foundation in the first place, why is it such a big deal that she's now saying, or I guess Bill is saying, oh, we're going to shut it down as soon as she becomes president? Well, if it would be some sort of difference or I don't know what the word is, like, oh, God, what is it a

conflict of interest con if it was such a conflict thank you so much if it was such a conflict of interest uh as a president or it would be why would it not be in the fact that she's been secretary of state for years it was not it wasn't a conflict of interest then I mean in 2008 she was saying she was going to shut it down if she got elected you know I think she even said she'd shut it down if she was put in the state department i could be wrong there i don't know 100 but it is she lies a lot it's already fucking shady when she's saying at every turn i'm going to shut down this uh or not at every turn anytime a potential political leap comes up i'm going to shut down this foundation what does that say if it was just a bill and melinda gates style foundation

there'd be no reason to shut it down. Like, there wouldn't. I did a quick Google search. It does look like there was a big spike in how much we sold to Saudi Arabia when she was Secretary of State. Yeah, yeah. Billions. Billions and billions more. In the 90s. We sold 80 fighter jets.

What specifically were we selling them? Because that's important, too. We sold 80 fighter jets to them. Which ones? The F-18s? F-16s? Is f-16s 18 I don't know f-something well that those are the fighters what's what would amount to like a couple billion dollars a few billion well it depends how many right well no those are like no I mean those are like 35 million or something those b-2 bombers though those are like... No. I made that up, but I know they're supposed to be expensive. Those are like $35 million or something. Those B-2 bombers, though, those things are like a billion dollars a piece, you know?

Yeah, there's like only a handful of those on the planet, right? Because they're so expensive. I think we got nine of them. Oh, Jesus Christ. We've got more... The United States has more stealth bombers than it's even economical for me to build in Civ. In Civ, you get a stealth bomber, to have 10 stealth bombers would just be absurd.

The US is like, sure, make it 15. Make it 15, whatever. You gotta pay Halliburton somehow. Maybe my standards for fire are too high. And now that I see the numbers, yeah, there was a big spike while she was there. And they were a big donor to her. That concerns me. I just... I don't know, maybe that's the fire i've been looking for i don't know like they but but it is

a fire it is a fire and and even more so to me is just the kind of not common sense but sort of common sense that if this was a bill and melinda gates style foundation like they'd like to pretend it is then there would be no reason to shut it down in 2008 or promise to and there'd be no reason to promise to shut it down if she became president now and there's if apparently it's a huge deal they need to shut it down before you can become president why was it not a colossal deal to need to shut it down before he became arguably one of the most influential people on the planet as secretary of state in the United States like it's just there's so much bullshit that she does that it makes, like, I'd say I hate Hillary about 40% more than I hate Trump.

Because I also think Trump is a buffoon and may ruin their- Did you read that article I sent you? Like, there's this cabinet maker. Apparently he made all the cabinets that go underneath the slot machine. I don't know if you can picture slot machines, but they sit on cabinets that are, like, knee-high. And he made all the cabinets that go underneath the slot machine. I don't know if you can picture slot machines, but they sit on cabinets that are like knee high. And he made all of them. For him, it was like a business defining deal to outfit a casino. I think it was the Trump

Taj Mahal. So he did that and Trump owed him hundreds of thousands of dollars for all these cabinets. And he basically said, fuck you. I'm not going to pay pay it and the guys like what's wrong you know like you do not like the cabinets or anything is ago no no he started talking about future deals right he wanted him to do more work for him but he didn't want to pay him for the work he had already done because Trump fucking does business like that like it oh come on that doesn't even make sense no no you're like you're like he bought a bunch of cat he made this guy build him cabinets. He said, good cabinets.

I won't be paying you. Now let me get some more cabinets. Exactly. Is that what he did? Yeah, yeah. And, dude, Trump feels like after he gets the product is a great time to renegotiate because he's really got him by the balls then. And he's so happy to sue.

This guy's lawsuit. Wait, why are none of these people taking payment up front? If, like, Trump's known for for this why don't people be like hey you're going to do business Donald Trump get paid up front fuckers There's and I'm not gonna defend what Trump does because I believe you I believe you that Trump is a piece of shit in his Business dealings. I'm not gonna defend him for it I don't think he's a good guy and again like you don't have any business partners coming out on his side Like he has all these settlements the amount of lawsuits that Trump is in is way more than, like, his peers, right? Bloomberg, who's whatever, 10 times richer, 40 times richer than Trump is, doesn't have these kind of lawsuits.

Mark Cuban doesn't have these kind of lawsuits. He deals in real estate, though. That seems like it's prone to litigious confrontation. So is fucking people over. You know, like, it's... There's a reason Trump isn't... He's a lawsuit-happy guy. Did the cabinet guy sue him? Did the cabinet guy sue him?

He had to settle, and he's not allowed to talk about the settlement very much. Like, that's why he's not, like, on the campaign trail talking about how he was fucked. Because a lot of his settlements come with this... It sounds like he got his cabinets paid for yeah i mean i'm sure he did but no he had to settle how do you know he can't even talk about it i think that's how do you know he didn't settle for a higher price so that he just let let this all die down right i'm sure

that's what happened i'm sure trump tried to fuck him over and ended up losing that i have a new topic all right i wanted to talk about flooring because i'm about to put in wood floors upstairs I'm sure Trump tried to fuck him over and ended up losing. I have a new topic. All right. I wanted to talk about flooring because I'm about to put in wood floors upstairs. You put bamboo in your last house, didn't you? We did. Tell me about that. We were actually pretty happy with the bamboo.

I personally like a blonde wood. I feel like the darker ones aren't as happy. We have a lot of dark in this house. would. I feel like the darker ones aren't as happy. We have a lot of dark in this house. And if my contractor wasn't a piece of shit, you know, we probably would have gone lighter. We told him to match another one. And the one room we didn't do, the server room, you open it and there's like a red sort of vibrancy to the room we didn't do. And all the rooms we did do are like

darker and dead. um anyway so i like a somewhere in the red to the blonde uh shade and i don't like the i guess what you call more of a chocolate color yeah i like the red too so the bamboo is really light it's blonde and it seemed to hold up well we have dogs with their toenails and stuff uh we're pretty rough on floors right children and dogs what else do you want and um they seemed to hold up well all in all the bamboo was a good experience now we also laid our own like thin sort of snap together flooring and uh didn't love that to be honest like in the end i feel like that was a mistake somehow if this makes any sense when i walk into a trailer like like i guess you call it a trailer home right i walk in there and

i'm like you know i don't see what the big deal is about living in a trailer it looks like a regular house to me right i don't know if you have the same vibe but i walk everyone acts like they're gonna be like tumbling down or some shitty pop-up camper or something like that. Trailer homes aren't like that. If you walk in and you're not careful, like you're not looking real carefully, it's just a regular house. But then when you get in closer, like I talk to Wings and stuff. He lives in a trailer. He's like, oh, no, no.

You can't hang things on the wall because they're not made out of the kind of materials that it's not it's not drywall it's not sheetrock it's like this thin paneling that you can punch right through like if i hit this wall i can go through the drywall and probably hurt my hand really bad hopefully i missed the stud but if i punch his wall i'm like going all the way into the kitchen well i like it's just like wow and that's true too right like this is a house house right if i just put a random 50 gallon fish tank anywhere in this house i'm kind of fine because it's built for that uh if you do that in a trailer not the same thing like everything is chintzy about it so the snap together floors that i'm told are common in europe i don't know uh to me it's almost like the trailer

home version of a wood floor. I would get wood or bamboo. Yeah, I think I'm going to do bamboo. I've got wood downstairs, and I like it a lot. I definitely want to do it soon, though. How much was it a square foot? That's another question. Bamboo is amongst the cheapest.

That was part of the draw toward it. I've got roughly 2,100 square feet upstairs to do. I will say, do you have hardwood up there already? No. Okay. Yeah, because it's important that you match. We installed bamboo sort of upstairs and on the stairs. And then we had the, like, snap-together stuff. And then we had the like snap together stuff and then we had oak the house came with and when it was time to sell the real estate agent was like like you've

got three kinds of wood in here so uh we were able to just get rid of the snap together stuff and lay down oak and and cut that down quite a bit but um if you have hardwood already you want to match what you got no i it's it's almost like two different houses though like with the upstairs and downstairs okay and this took a fucking this is he is his actual hardwood so he's cutting each board and fucking nailing them in and stuff and i don't want to go through all that i think or no not nailing the man you like Yeah, they're going to. Well, fuck it. We'll see what comes.

Yeah, but bamboo is less expensive. You know, they manufacture it into whatever four-inch wide boards, and it installs just like hardwood. Yeah, I'm going to get on that fairly soon. I think we're going to start moving furniture around this week. Got to find someone to install it though i i picking out like what i want and what color like i do that in like 10 minutes it'll be like uh that that one that one do that one okay well i don't want to do any work i can't help you i can't choose a contractor for shit and still suck at it to this day so yeah man i wasn't gonna

ask for your assailant hey what did you have a big list of evil and terrible contractors that i could use to sit yeah if i could just get one to like threaten your wife that'd be great um i had uh the guy who did the floors down here and did some other work um he was really and he did that shower upstairs um so he's like multi-talented i guess um he was good and i asked kitty i was. So he's like multi-talented, I guess. He was good. And I asked Kitty, I was like, hey, where's that guy's number? Let me call him.

She said, oh, probably shouldn't call him. I had him come over for some work and he did it wrong. So I didn't pay him. And I was like, I don't remember what he had done, but he had like fucked something up and he just done it wrong. He just done it wrong and he didn't do it again. And she was like, well, I'm not going to pay you you for that and they had some sort of a dispute over it so now i don't think i can go back to that guy so i have to find myself a contract that might be better than my way i just pay anyway and then pay someone else

and fucking pay and pay and pay yeah yeah that's because you dealt with a real contractor where there's paperwork and stuff like that. I have a good old boy come over here and he worked his ass... I don't know what kind of dispute he had with Kitty, but my experience with him was that he put down 1,500 square feet of hardwood

in a day by himself. When he was done, he looked like he'd been frosted with uh with wood shavings and just it was just sweat and shaving sweat and shavings all day until it formed a coating all over him and he was just like i'm done and like limped out of my house and went home and came back the next day and finished the trim that guy was a real animal and then he didn't get paid well he got paid for that he got paid for all that he got paid well for all that but he did some little small thing and like he didn't get paid

for that when we went to ours we did um uh like lumber liquidators or the hardwood floor store something like that and they came in and did a good job it's what they do all day every day and this is in the apex house when they put the bamboo in. And really didn't have much complaints. They just... That's what they do. I was considering putting in a fire pole, but everybody I've talked to gives me shit about it. So I guess I won't put in my fire pole.

It'd be boring like everybody else. Yeah, I don't know. That would not be fun after maybe two times when i slide down that pole with a big plate of nachos you're gonna be you're gonna be like best idea ever what's gonna happen is you're gonna be sliding down one-handed you're gonna have a plate of nachos and there's that that floor hole and you're gonna clip the edge of the plate on the end of the floor hole and it's gonna go it's gonna smash you you're gonna be startled stop the glass you let go then you fall you got a broken leg because you just had to be different and i'm covered in nachos and you're

covered in nachos i also considered a big slide um and at the end it would end in like a bunch of foam blocks i i was like kitty you could go down the slide that could be you could just go head first and just slide down to the basement that is is a cool idea, actually. I approve that. When I was a kid, I honestly always wanted the fire pole. I was like, Dad, why can't we put in a fire pole in the basement? He was like, because we're not fucking retarded. No, because I don't want your sister to be

a whore. I always wanted to work in an office building that had one of those slides from the fourth floor, you know, zoomed around. That would be cool. Yeah, I've seen those. I didn't even know that that was a real thing. I thought whenever I was seeing that, it was some

Photoshop or something. You're telling me there's actual office buildings where fools are sliding out of the 17th floor and going down to the 14th and getting some lunch and then taking the elevator back up? Look up the City Museum in St. Louis. It is this giant run down building in downtown not in a good area at all at all and we used to go there as on a field trip as

kids and it's basically got huge almost like makeshift looking metal devices and tunnels and slides coming out of this giant decrepit building and going back in and as you are climbing on these things, like when I was like eight or seven, I didn't really care, but looking back, I'm like, holy fucking shit. Like, there's no way this stuff was up to

code. Like, these were just weird contraptions and tunnels coming out of the building, then going to the top, and then coming back around. Like like you will not believe if you wanted to fall if you wanted to fall through these holes and like the great of these uh These tunnels they made it's basically like a rebar formed around into like a tunnel But there's enough room between the bars that you could if you wanted to As a child just push yourself through and fall to your death before you got into it. I was picturing like

Glass tubes, you know, swirling around. No. Not at all. No. This is like the Dominican Republic's version of a cool thing. Yeah, look up. I'm sure that deaths have happened. It made that shit with scrap metal and the charred remains of people's lives.

This is like the Rio Olympics version of something of something good like it's hey i wonder what's going on in rio right now like okay so the olympics are gone all that shit's there what's happening right now like in in those giant like swimming facilities those huge uh acrobatics uh facilities all of those pools smell like farts right now like they drained those chemicals right into the the river or whatever those things are dry they're just pits waiting for someone to fall into them at this point there's just people when i heard that smell like a fart and it turned green i was like well no terrorist attack but they did pull off the shittiest Olympics in memory. Yeah.

And is Brazil successful? I don't know how much infrastructure Brazil has in Rio, but it seems like those buildings for the Olympics, like in Atlanta, that they're still using those to this day, I'm sure, because Atlanta's a metropolitan city. A lot of people there, a lot of jobs. Salt Lake City, huge there. I've been to Salt Lake quite a few times. And I just feel like

if you do it in a country like Brazil, like in Rio, or even in China, I think, a lot of those buildings just stagnate and sit there and rot. Like Sochi in Russia, there's no way they turn that into a business convention center. Well, one, because they're a

communist country. There are whores in the Olympic Village in Sochi right now. There's a pimp named Yooka-Lai who took over that shit and he's running it right now. There's no way there's any booming economy

going on over there. What was the name of that place again? Koji? Sochi. Sochi. Whatever. Does America build temporary structures for something? So, in Atlanta, you can't just have run-down shit. There's a country trying

to happen there. There's not spare land. So, I'm thinking of an example. There's kayaking, right? Where they go up river, down river. They go through this course as quickly as they can, and it's like a flowing river. I looked at the Chinese version of it, and it's like this cement, empty pool with barriers and shit that I guess used to hold the flags. What else are you going to do with an artificial kayak race course?

It's not like all the kids want to play in it. Of course it's an abandoned piece of shit. What did the U.S. do with their artificial kayak race course? I don't know. I don't know either. We're probably still racing kayaks in that motherfucker. We've got rich people over here. That could be.

I mean, maybe we've got enough rich motherfuckers who are into kayak racing that we can facilitate having a kayak racing pond. I guess so. I bet if you checked it, there'd be like, how many years ago was that? 96. 96, okay. So like the 20th kayak championship or something. Because they were probably just like, well, we got a kayak racing course.

Anybody like boats? Like, well, I don't have enough money for a real one you're perfect like so anyway have you guys been following the youtube demonetization stuff like it was on the front of reddit it was trending on twitter it's i know of it i know very very little dude so it's getting all this attention just recently, and I was hit by it before it was cool. Like, there's two PKA's that got no monetization whatsoever. One was the one with Richard Ryan, and one, I think, might have been Quibble Cop or something, like two weeks before the one he was on. And I looked through. It's language, right? It was controversial topics. Probably It's language, right? It was controversial topics.

Probably a title thing, right? Yeah, like I think both of them had the word shooting in it. It was like Dallas shooting and was there a Miami shooting? I forget what the other one was. And I had another vlog where I did two things. I hadn't flown yet. I was kiting and I talked about the Orlando tragedy. And that one also got demonetized too.

So to me, it feels like it's keywords in the title that are breaking things. I'm sure for huge channels, they'll – because I did see in one thing, they were like, we can just shut down a whole channel monetizing ability if they have repeated strikes against it which that's kind of scary and so far as like what if they decide uh it's just kyle for example they just decide oh man like kyle's videos this one and this one and this one we're gonna demonetize and then the next time they do it uh they're just like oh well this guy has a history of this you know even though we did this all pretty much at one time. So no more monetizing videos for this lad.

See, Kyle's videos, he's definitely not talking about current events. And that's the stuff that I've seen people get demonetized for. Like in my case, that's what it was for. I talked about the Orlando tragedy in a vlog. And then, of course, in PKA, we talk about current events and politics and stuff all the time. But I wonder if they consider, like, just gun videos not advertiser-friendly or something. They've got gun advertisers.

I don't know. We'll see how it shapes up. Have you looked at your catalog? Oh, yeah. Yeah. But, yeah. But Chiz just wrote in there, or a little while ago, regarding this. For people who started speculating hard that this was YouTube censoring anti-Social Justice Warrior stuff,

the Young Turks have also been hit hard with the demonetization and their Captain Social Justice Warrior. So he said that they've been having issues with it too. So it's not a particular political stance or anything. It's not just the right claiming that like the world hates them as they always do it's their it's the one area in which the right plays victim too much it's disgusting yeah it's just gross when the right plays the victim they should know the left has a monopoly on victimhood i don't like it from the left either you know that they're like the cry bully bullshit and uh oh like that lift passenger did you see her that was that was a

really funny video where they're like this hula hooping girl is offensive not to me but but on behalf of other people so so i'm gonna put myself in this position to show everybody that watches this video that i tow the party line i approve all the things that are you need to approve for everybody to know that i'm a virtuous, good person. Like, that's the worst kind of piece of shit. Disingenuous, soul-sucking, awful person. Hand-wringing, apologetic, preemptively soft. I know something you might not know.

Oh, I don't even want to tread on anybody's toes. Like, oh, it's gross. It turns out that she started this, like, Facebook group or club. I think it was called Girls Night Out. And what they do is they go out and try and find reasons to be offended. And they just kind of try bully people. Which is exactly what she was doing. She got in a Lyft ride.

The guy had a Hawaiian hula hooper person. And she was super glued to the dash. So he couldn't just take it down for her he was glued there and uh she found a reason to be offended and then just started doing like what i call the cry bully thing where she's like oh my god i'm so offended and and she made a big deal out of it but i thought the facebook group was important because it means it's premeditated she wasn't just offended she's out looking for reasons to be offended. And that, to me, is exclusive to the left.

This kind of being offended. The right just... Sometimes the right goes out and tries to find ways to offend people on purpose. That's true, too. Yes, like the alt-right will go out there and try, of their mind to do like a Milo kind of thing to just try and kind of be a rabble rouser to an extent. But I don't think that's endemic of mainstream right. I've seen a lot of people say poor Milo got removed from Twitter just because he's conservative. And that's not true.

There are people further to the right than Milo. But Milo, he was bullying you know he was he was cyber terrorizing that ghostbusters lady he was she was she was getting some punches in too nobody blocked he was not cyber terrorizing her that's that's crazy but he was he posts their picture he's like fat fat ugly ugly right it's going through their fat ugly fat ugly or whatever it is he thought about the cast and you should be able to do that and you shouldn't be held accountable for what your fans do but you should also be smart enough to know hey if i tweet this and based on kind of the uh it happens with shows like opening opie and anthony where you make all of your fame on being fucking brutal to people and just making fun of them and insult comedy.

And then if you do something that your fans don't like, you can't suddenly be surprised that they come after you with just as much vitriol and fervor. Because you've kind of cultivated that environment of seeking out confrontation and finding it. And so he shouldn't have been surprised, like, oh, I was just tweeting something out, and then my followers happened upon it and started tweeting at her. And it's like, yeah, obviously he's not accountable for the person that tweets, oh, you're a gorilla or whatever awful things they were saying at her. But also, he's not stupid. That is the ugliest person.

That black lady. Yeah, that is one of the ugliest people that I have ever seen. That is an ugly, ugly person. Some people just don't have any luck with attractiveness. I put her on the same level of attractiveness as... Well, she's... I was about to say with Steve Buscemi. But Steve Buscemi is the lowest I've ever seen of anyone.

So he's in his own league. But some people just really... I feel bad for him because you can tell like, oh God, even if they did everything right with diet and exercise they still they still got might be able to find a red carpet picture of her that looks decent but like look at her like car insurance commercial i'm like oh fuck jesus god oh she looks like a homeless person i haven't seen her car insurance commercial looks like a looks like a homeless person like you said i guess she's not pretty you know you're talking about a guy who likes

high-t women who says she's a little mannish you know like it looks like charles barkley over there and and charles i would rather have sex with charles charles barkley and i'm imagining he is really packing some heat too but i would not fuck that ugly ugly woman i like she is hideous frequent listeners of the show have you ever heard me say that some woman was too mannish like that never that's actually a precedent that we have now set that he has said that a woman is too masculine for him to be attracted to her. But having said that, she doesn't jump out at me as like super duper ugly. Just...

Does she jump out at you as like I don't know, blockbuster movie lead? Anything? She's okay. And I'm not just saying women either. That's why I said person, human being because like

there are very few men that i find as unattractive as this woman there aren't there are them like you said steve buscemi but he's got kind of an endearing uh look to him you know those big blue eyes yeah but his endearing look is like the same way that like when you see a puppy with three legs you're like oh you're doing your best like. That's what I feel like with him. Nobody actually thinks Steve Buscemi's good looking. He's a very, very, very ugly, ugly person. Excellent, excellent actor.

He looks a bit like Gollum. He does. He has that kind of stretched skin feel about him. His eye sockets look big. Buggy eyes. uh yeah he's he's definitely up there as far as all-time ugly that lady's fucking hideous i can't believe macaulay caulkin dated mia kunis for so long right oh my god what the fuck have you heard russell brand tell that

story no it's hilarious russell brand tells the story he's like he's I wish I could do his accent well. He's doing that Forgetting Sarah Marshall movie with her in Hawaii. And he is attracted to her. And then she's like, oh, my boyfriend's coming over. And then he sees it's Macaulay Culkin. And it's just like. She's fucking Macaulay Culkin. Rolling around on beds of Home Alone money. Dude, my favorite is no sense he i forget who he was he he was doing some movie it might have been forgetting terry

monfort and he fell in love with the female lead and russell brand is like i decided that like i it's not good for me to fall in love with this female lead so i went to a psychologist and said oh you know what i'm in love i can't his accent. I'm in love with this female lead. Please. Keep trying to do it. Help me not to be in love with her. And they go through it, and they're like, did it work? Did it work?

And he's like, no, I took an alternative route. No, you have to keep doing it in his voice. I got into the relationship with her, and we dated for three months, and then I fell out of love. That works every time. So yeah, that was pretty funny. Russell Brand's an interesting guy. He gives good interviews because he's like – there's a few interesting things about him.

So he had all the crazy heroin use and drug use, and now he's really spiritual. He's in all this new world hippie stuff, and he's donating a lot of his money to all these causes and stuff and uh and you know he was married to katie perry and after their divorce he could have taken like i don't know 100 million dollars off of her something but he was like no that's her money i don't want that no of course don't give me her money just said no to it um and you know he's an actor and he's a he's an interesting guy he's a really funny comedian he is i find him insincere because which is weird because he does a thing where he's an actor and he's an interesting guy. He's a really funny comedian. He is. I find him insincere, which is weird because he does a thing where he's totally sincere, right? But it's too fast for me. If Russell Brand was right here talking to you, he'd get up on his chair and he'd lean forward and he'd be in the camera and he'd be so hyper engaged.

And he'd be in the camera and he'd be so hyper engaged, like just looking at what you're saying and just like on top of it. And it it seems almost fake to me like you're you're doing the Russell Brand thing right now. And I don't believe that's the real you. I bet if I saw you when you were eating potato chips in front of the television, that wouldn't be what you're like at all. You're just like doing this hyper thing. And I see, I could be wrong. I'm not familiar with that from him. Really? It's all I see.

Watch for it now. Like when he does interviews and stuff, he doesn't sit correctly in his chair. He gets hyper interested in what the host is saying and hardly follows with the topic sometimes because he just wants to know about you, darling. He just wants to know, like, what makes you tick, right? I don't like that thing that he does that also Milo did where, like, they do that condescending, like, oh, darling. like they do that condescending like oh darling or like oh like using words like that to kind of uh be make themselves look like they're being like like almost concern trolling where it's like oh

you just don't get it like oh you're a fool like allow me to elucidate this situation for you like i don't like that you know kind of like what he did to you woody when you were like well uh or milo i mean when you were like uh this doesn't really make sense so you're gay and you're against gay marriage but you're a really big catholic and he's like oh i can't believe you woody like we're getting along so swimmingly and yet uh you lad you know better than to ask that and it was like that's a sneaky little rhetorical device and it seems like uh russell brand at least in like the one cnn interview that i did see of him he did the same thing but to be fair in that cnn interview they really were disrespectful to him the cnn anchors there and he totally just took control of the situation and was like all right well i'm the i'm the center of attention

now and we're going by my rules and so i respect that about him and he was confident enough it wasn't msnbc by chance was it was it cnn it could have been msnbc maybe i'm incorrect i know it's cnn or msnbc did he like get the woman to fall in love with him he really like he got the woman kept like talking about russell brand to the other people on the panel and russell brand kept being like uh speak to me i'm here don't say him don't say russell say uh you know refer to me and speak to me i'm here yeah and and i was like and that part was fucking hysterical because it was so funny to see uh i don't remember how i think it's a pretty long clip but um if you got just type in russell brand cnn interview or msnbc interview and it's basically just him taking control of this

situation and none of them know how to deal with it because they're all so used to being able to say whatever nonsense they want and have everybody be like, oh yeah, huh, well this is your show, so I guess I'm not gonna say anything but he did not give a fuck. His short interview is pretty good. The whole time he's

talking about giving his money away and stuff and Stern's like you wanna hang on to some of that money now. Just hang on to some of that money now like just constantly being the consummate jew just like look it's all it's good to take care of this person and that person in this group never you just hang on to some of that money all right promise me promise me you'll hang on to that money it's irritating how rich howard stern is and the more i learn about him mainly from you kyle is that he doesn't spend any of his money for fun things because he is such a fraidy cat vagina

who doesn't want to go try... I don't want to go jump out of planes or swim with sharks, but I would take fun vacations. I would do fun things. He goes on vacations. I know he vacations with Jimmy Kimmel. They go and do stuff, and he's got a couple of houses, but he is a real introvert, and he doesn't get along with very many people

at all. He doesn't like a lot of people. And, you know, he's really tall. He's actually 6'5", not, like, pretending like a lot of people, and he's ugly as fuck. He's got the long black hair, and he stands out in a crowd, and people see him, and they want to... Yeah, right after his movie.

And people see him, and they want to yeah, right after his movie and people see him and they want to they want to like take his picture and he doesn't want to because he's ugly and he doesn't want you to take his picture when he's ugly if you're going to take a picture with him, he wants to get his photographer in, he wants to put him on a ladder, get him about three steps up look up like this and then he

looks okay, he wants to be, it needs to be the right side of his face, he doesn't take pictures from the left side of his face, he knows he's an ugly man he literally says he's like i'm an ugly man i don't want you taking my picture i'm hideous i'm hideous you know he just doesn't but he stays in his apartment all the time uh he doesn't really go out anywhere i've learned that being worth close to a billion makes you pretty attractive to women beth seen beth stern or i can't even pronounce her her old last name uh is very attractive uh and it's like his ideal woman if you know what he's into um but like i have no idea um but really thin uh not a lot of fat. Not big boobs. Really fit.

Blonde. Where would you put Howard Stern on the ugly scale compared to Steve Buscemi? Or the Ghostbusters lady. Are we dealing with a scale that includes people with deformities and such? No, this is only able-bodied folks or people without like...

If they're paraplegic, they're included. But if they've got a third arm or something, then no. Yeah, so what if they've been in a fire? Do those people get ranked in? No, burn victims not included. Okay, so that offsets the scale a bit. I would say that like...

You know, there's like some... I don't know. We're not counting mutants anymore. We're just counting regular folk, huh? Regular folks. Do that scale for you, those three. Or any other people that you find really ugly. So, Steve Buscemi

is like a one or a two. The fact that he just doesn't have any warts or growths on him and so he's like a one or a two. That fact that he just doesn't have any warts or growths on him and so he's like a one or a two that woman is legitimately like a two she's a two she's a two steve buscemi's a one she's a two who's the third one um stern oh stern's like a three and here i'll tell you why Stern is fit he's in shape he's always stayed skinny from the right angle he's his face doesn't look half bad he's got good hair and you know I'm sure a lot of people are attracted to him maybe because he's tall Stern's never had a problem getting

pussy not post like success in the 90s like like he's been he's been doing just fine for a long time yeah i actually rate all these people like probably one degree higher than you do steve buscemi there's got to be a two right because he's a higher than a lot of fat people i'll admit like facially steve buscemi is he's not gifted right he's his eyes are sunk in he has bags even in the afternoon and stuff like that but he's in shape you know you put ste Buscemi in a suit, and you're like, oh, this is a guy who's a butterface, really. That's his deal. Stern, he's a tall butterface, and his face isn't even that bad.

So I feel like there's a whole wealth of people out there where you take their clothes off, and they're just a sloppy, greasy mess. And that doesn't apply to these people. Okay, okay. I'll agree with you. I'd bump them all up one because I wasn't thinking of the fatties. When we took out the burn victims and the mutants and the other freaks, I also removed the fatties. And when we put them back in, everybody goes up one. Well, how fat is a fatty, Kyle?

Like in your head. Fatty, fatty, boom-baladdy. A fatty, fatty or a fatty, fatty, boom-baladdy? A guy over 300. Well, are fatty, fatties included in your scale or are only fatty, fatty, boom-baladdies removed from your scale? Because if you're including fatty, fatties, I think you should remove fatty, fatty, boom-baladdies, right?

I think a real fat guy weighs over 275, and a real fat woman weighs over two. Well, it depends on the height, of course, but I think... Probably a good, solid rule, maybe. I think you're fat if you're 50 pounds or more overweight. I think you're fat, and I would call you fat. Maybe not to your face, but behind your back. Definitely, always behind your back. Definitely behind, always behind your back.

Now, a fatty, I think, like, at that point, we all know you're going to be fat for life, basically. You're a fatty, so you're probably 60, 75 pounds overweight. Fatty, fatty, boom-ba-latty, that's an even 100 pounds overweight. That's a big deal. I thought there'd be more difference there i was thinking you'd say fat 50 pounds fatty fatty is i thought you'd say 100 pounds and then fatty fatty boombladi is anything over 120 pounds 125 pounds maybe we've been desensitized to these huge numbers for some reason,

but a 300-fucking-pound man is fucking huge. 300 pounds is real big. I mean, if you've got an extra 100 pounds of fat, there is no other thing. Imagine 100 pounds of anything. It's a lot. That's a lot of shit. And I used to think that five pounds of fat,

I don't know why, but looked like this maybe, like a sphere like that. It's more like this. It's pretty fucking big. It's like, I don't know, bigger than a cantaloupe. It's like sneaking, you know those big like fridge packs that we get through Blue Apron? Yeah. It's like sneaking one of those under your skin, like every five pounds or something. Yeah, it's like a quart or something. I don't know. On the upside, losing five pounds removes a lot of you, right?

Yeah, it really does. You lose 10 pounds, and suddenly there's a different body. For some people, I guess you lose. In reality, you lose, what, 5% percent of your body weight and it's a big deal yeah i mean if you're like some people are 200 pounds overweight and you lose 10 pounds maybe you'll notice it maybe not like i feel like if you're that heavy yeah you probably need to wait until like maybe like 20 or 30 pounds at that point before you really notice something if you're that heavy but for most people people, you lose 5, 10 pounds,

you can notice it. Yeah, for sure. I lost 3 pounds and then I ate a lot. 3 pounds of food. No, I only lost 3 pounds this week because I ate. I ate a couple days.

I ate a large pizza by myself one day and I had a couple days. I ate a large pizza by myself one day. And I had a couple milkshakes another day. Broke diet, huh? Yeah, broke the diet right in the middle. A couple milkshakes is a serious break.

You went... I went milkshake shopping. You slid right by that. Looking back, I'm glad you said that, Woody, because very few people will say, I had a pizza, a couple of milkshakes. Most people are singular when they talk about their milkshake splurging. Very few people are delving deep and getting two, three back.

They were two medium milkshakes. It's not like I did big ones. It's 32 ounces of milkshake. What do you want from me? That's a lot of milkshake. Yeah, I got hungry. A half gallon of milkshake. What happened was I went like two or three days without eating hardly anything.

And then like one night I just got so fucking hungry. And it was like, am I going to be able to go to sleep this hungry? Like, I don't think I can. I don't think I can go to sleep this hungry. And I looked and there was like nothing healthy. And so then I, you know i ate a frozen pizza and when i went to go buy the frozen pizza uh you know i bought a couple of milkshakes on the way back because i figured i'm already eating a large pizza why not have a penny in for three pounds exactly my weight loss is crap but at least it's lost i'm at two or

five right now i weighed myself today and that wasn't even like the morning fresh wake up way. It was like lunch time. But that puts me down 8 pounds for the summer. But the downside is it's been like a pound a month for three months now. And that's kind of weak sauce. Too slow for you? Yeah. I mean like 12 pounds

in a year is I guess a step in the right direction. But that's really not aggressive. Better than trending up. At least it's trending down. Exactly. You lost weight. Yeah, so I'm down. In the healthy way. Yeah, and someone's probably going to look at this and find out that it's imperfect, but I think that's about right.

I think I've lost about a pound a month in the last three months. I did a video where I was 207 two months ago or something like that. I was 205 today. I'd like to see 204 because I haven't seen that in a while. That would be a new low. And we'll see. Whatever.

Maybe next month. I'm 184 right now. Nice. Yeah, I'm 205. I'm a lot of – I like to think I'm 30 pounds more man than you. Literally. I guess it's 20 pounds more. Yeah, you literally are.

Yeah, yeah. I'm better at gravity than Kyle is. But yeah, at least it's trending down. I'll take it. Let me sneak in another ad here after our weight loss talk. Probably talk about some NatureBox. Tired of eating the same bland food while trying to stay healthy? NatureBox has the solution to your problem.

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Try something new. I like pumpkin seeds a lot. Why don't you like them? I don't think I've ever had pumpkin seeds now that I think of it. I wouldn't think that they would be tasty. They are they salted oh they're definitely salt yeah any kind of nuts you need to salt them okay i had an unsalted cashew oh my god like all i can think of when i eat those is what could have been he could have fucking salted those why would you not i'm already i'm eating fucking cashews here.

I'm trying to take a step in the right direction. Give me a little bit of sodium. Pistachios that are already shelled or de-shelled, they call it shelled, but I feel like a shelled pistachio should have an extra shell, but no. Well, the shell's broken, right? You can buy them with no shell whatsoever.

And that is the way that you should buy them with no shell whatsoever and that's that is the way that you should buy them that's the way you see i'm with like stuff that you have to do like even peanuts i kind of like having to crack it open and feel like i'm getting through it which is like i don't i never order crab cakes at seafood restaurants i always order crab because the fun of it is feeling like I'm finding like, oh, I got this huge, big piece of crab, you know, hand this off to some layman who doesn't know how to use crab. And they take like the stupid hammer they give you to just make a big mess like, and

they wouldn't be able to do it. Opening crab is a skill. Are either of you good at it where you could just like crack, whip it open? I'd love to have an eating contest with crab with you, Kyle. I'd need a couple of days to practice, but, think i think i would as well i've had many a crab i'm not without talent i can bring out the big pieces but i've seen uh chef ramsey do it have you seen gordon ramsey open like a crab or a lobster a lobster yeah it's incredible dude it's have you seen the video i'm talking about yes i have are have. Are you on his level, Taylor?

I don't eat lobster like that, but I can do that with crab where I crack it and I get the claw out with that long bit of meat that goes into the claw. I can get that whole piece out of there, solid and good, dip it in the butter. It's great. I love crab.

That's one of my things. My mouth's watering. Oh, yeah, the thin legs. I can do that with crab. I get that whole big chunk out. It's a little different with crab. Who does it on the thin legs too and stuff? My mouth's watering. Oh, yeah, the thin legs. I can do that with crab. I get that whole big chunk out. Yeah, I get spotty. I get spotty. If I get a thin leg, it's a moment of celebration.

It's like, all right, look at this. I got it out in one piece. And if it comes out in several pieces, you know what? Sometimes that's what happens. It sounds like you would win. Sometimes you just can't do it. I don't know. I want crab legs so god damn bad now

yeah me too I always crave crab legs one of my favorite foods I love it I eat them so fast that I probably only dip in butter one in every ten pieces that I crack through because it's like a recurring thought throughout like if I order a beer or something when I eat crab

I just go into a fucking zone when I get crab and I'll just into a fucking zone when I get crab. And I'll just look up from it at the end, just all wet and smelling like fish, and everybody's looking at me being like, are you done? And it's like, oh my god, I forgot to drink my beers warm. All of this is...

Oh, I just love eating crab. It looks like pig pen from Peanuts, but it's shells just flying around. Yeah, that's what it is. I love my grandma. My grandma does like those cajun crab boils where they just dump it all on the big like island in their kitchen you just eat off of that i didn't you know what i love like i i've had crabs where you're supposed

to eat the shell and everything have you tried that yeah like a dungeness crab i think they do it with that and blue crabs maybe i think blue crabs might be what I'm thinking of. Not a fan. Not a fan. I just strongly disliked eating crabs with the shell. I kind of liked it because it was a way to feel like I was eating. Like, you know, when you watch National Geographic or when, like, I don't know, you know, 20 years ago when you watch National Geographic and you'd see people like eating bugs and I'd always think like man that is so gross but it's so cool that those people are just popping roaches in their mouth like they're tic-tacs and don't even like think about it and so when I get something like a fried crab hole which I'm pretty sure they're all fried for the most part and you eat it it's almost like dipping your toe in that like exotic water like oh look at me but it's still safe because it's tempered i am you know no i've

never thought wow those bug eaters are so cool i okay well i was i mean 20 years ago i was i was like five so i mean crabs are kind of like big insects anyway i mean it's got an exoskeleton we're eating his fucking insides and shit it's i don't know it's kind of like a giant roach itself it is the but i love that shit i remember like a giant roach itself. It is. But I love that shit. I remember all-you-can-eat crab legs is one of my favorite things to do. But you need people with you that are down to sit there for a little while because it's going to take me a while to eat all I'm going to eat.

I'll close it down with you. We used to go to a place by my grandparents' house and they had all-you-can-eat snow crab, which it is a little unnerving to have all-you-can-eat snow crab in southern Missouri, but it was very, very fucking good crab. I loved it.

And they actually, like, the waitresses knew when we'd come in, they'd be like, okay, I wonder what this guy's going to get, and I'd be 12, like, I'm getting crab again. Like, just bring three out to start. And I'd just sit there and eat it, and eventually they stopped doing the promotion quit doing it i take credit but i don't think that was the reason i think it was probably because business was bad we were at some place in in florida and they literally just had this giant trough of of crab on ice and you just like like the plates were even big and you were, we were just piling it on. It was so good.

I think it was king crab. Oh, it was so good. I like steamed way more than cold when it comes to crab. Like, I like it hot. So, like, when you grab the legs and you're going to break them, like, when you first pick the first one up, it's like, ooh, that's hot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Same here.

Yeah. I haven't had crab in a long time, but now I really want it. I was going to stop by the butcher shop on my way home today, but I didn't have time. I wanted to get some steaks or some burger or something. Now you can get crab next time if they have that at your butcher shop. Oh, yeah. Oh, man, there's this great international market in Atlanta that has everything. I bet it'd be expensive, though, to get as much crab as I actually want.

That's the problem with crab. You'll be like, oh, you want two clusters of snow? I always get snow because I like snow more than King. And it's it's like yeah that's like the price of a meal pretty much but that's not a quarter of what i'm gonna need that's teeth like because when i have a crab meal i don't eat anything but crab and so all of my movements for the next like day and a half it just brings me right back to that moment of ah you know you know, just smells like crab and butter. But, well, not quite that good. But, yeah, I try to convince a vegetarian friend of mine to come back to the light with crab. Because his big thing, and I bothered with him for like a year about it because he'd always bring it up.

I wasn't being like, oh, you need to eat meat. He'd be like, I'm thinking about trying meat again. Like, I don't know. Like, I just, I'm thinking about trying meat again. Like, I don't know. Like, I just, I feel bad about eating smart things. And I told him like, eat clams, mussels,

crab, and lobster. Those things are stone cold retarded. They don't even know they're dead. They never knew they were alive. They're like insects. It is a sea insect, is what it is.

And eventually he, he tried some mussels, I guess, and said he didn't like them that much. And of course, like yeah of course you're not gonna like muscles that much if that's the first meat you've had in like five years and you jump back into a phlegmy substance that you kind of have to train yourself to like like crab or lobster you'd like right away generally yeah i like crab lobster i love oysters um and i'm really hungry now i want to go to florida i'm sure you got good seafood in Atlanta.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But Florida has a bunch of those all-you-can-eat places with the seafood. That's what I like. I want to be able to keep going back for more and get that huge bucket of crab. Yeah. Oh, man, I'm hungry now. Do you want to hear a bad joke? Oh, no.

Yes, you do. Why can't Helen Keller drive? She's a woman? Yes, because she's a woman. I knew that one was coming. I got it, though. You got it. If I got it, it takes away any humor that you thought was there.

What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? Cheer up. How's it hanging? If we don't get some support, people are going to think we're nuts. That's better. That is better than our suggestion. Well, that is the quota for this week. I'll tell you what.

They did a poll. They did a poll on topics they'd like to hear the most, like more of. And Woody's Bad Jokes was the third most popular thing. I have a bad joke. I have a bad joke. Do you guys know what progeria is? Yeah, that's that disease where you age really fast, right? Yeah.

What's the best part about having progeria? I don't know. Every day is your birthday. Ah! It's because they're dying rapidly. Those poor people. I see those kids, and it's just

like a little kid, and he's all old as shit. They're like 12, but their bodies are like 80 or something. Dude's got to be up there with the saddest diseases like when i don't remember how many years ago it was but there was like a big video on youtube about it and it must have been like six years ago which means almost surely this person is dead by now sadly enough but watching it just put me in like a 10 times sadder mood than even those sarah mclaughlin commercials because those are just animals where it's like oh so what you got a bunch of shit in your eye you're a cat there are people in trouble like right it's it's always some kid that you wish

the people who have that disease they're always people you root for right like they're always like so sweet and so kind because they can't be bullies or anything you know so you only see the best side of them they're never like whiny and entitled it's just like man why do bad things happen to good people because it just i don't know what it is about the disease but it seems to take away their badness the things that would enable them to be bad yeah it's because like if you see someone afflicted with that like it would be really uh it would really shatter the illusion if you met someone with progeria and they were just a huge asshole to you and you're just like well god damn i was giving you the benefit of the doubt you old looking fuck but jesus christ like they never get

a big time you and act like you're too ugly to hang out with or something. They're not going to do that. You'd never have to text them back and be like, why didn't you invite me out last night with you and the friends? They'd just be like, oh, you're just no fun. Everybody thinks it's cool that you can get to the bar and you're only nine. That's a real sad disease. at least with cancer or something you're like yeah just what does this disease what does this disease do oh it takes over your body man it just keeps growing and growing and then you die oh it's terrible what is what is that

kid's disease do oh well it ages him real real real real fast and so he becomes a 90 year old man inside of a child's body and then he dies oh god that's so much worse than just dying like you're telling at least with cancer you get to live a normal life up until up until a point with this guy from day one it's like oh this sucks oh no i got the body of a one-year-old. What the fuck? I feel so old. Like, it's been downhill from day one. Like, Alzheimer's is terrible, right? But two things. One, it happens to really old people, typically. So it's almost like they're more equipped to handle it.

And it seems like the real victims are their family, you know, who are also equipped to handle it. And it's not children aging too fast. It's, yeah, brutal. Yeah, children, like, that would be horrible. know who are also equipped to handle it and it's not children aging too fast it's yeah brutal yeah children like that would be horrible because you're like you're still a child you only have the knowledge of a child but you're also dealing with looking totally different from everyone everybody's staring at you not understanding why you're different from everyone because you're not really old enough to understand that because the disease is I guess genetic or intrinsic and it comes about really

early in the womb only kids there who can't build Legos because of their rheumatoid arthritis can't pull little pieces apart it's just a it's a real shit sad that's what's another sad disease what's the disease that makes you feel sad when you see someone who has it because progeria is number one in my mind right now. I can't picture something sadder than that, but maybe it's because I'm not thinking. I don't know about sadder, but what Michael J. Fox has is kind of sad. Yeah, Parkinson's, when they just start losing control of their body. Oh, what was the one?

There was a Robin Williams movie about it, where he temporarily broke them out of their... They're frozen in place all the time. Was it Lou Gehrig's disease that they had? I don't know my diseases that well. Lou Gehrig's disease is ALS. Yeah. Is that what they had?

I don't fucking know. I don't remember that. You're the Robin Williams fan. Oh, wait. Are you talking about Patch Adams? Patch Adams is when he's the cancer doctor for the kids. I've never seen Patch Adams. I know that's a movie where he was a doctor.

Yeah, I haven't seen it either, but he's a cancer doctor for kids. With a clown nose and all that stuff. That's a movie I'm never going to watch. That sounds incredibly sad. There you go. Don't watch it. I'd rather watch a bunch of people get raped in Oz than watch a movie about kids with cancer. Did you see the Tyrion Lannister cameo in Oz?

Yes. The Peter Dinklage one. So basically in Oz they have little flashbacks where it'll show a new character, and they'll be like, you know, Adebisi, convicted, 1997, crime, manslaughter in the second degree, and it'll show this guy holding a dwarf over the corner of a building,

and you look at him, and I was watching, and I'm like, that's fucking Peter Dinklage! And he's just squirming around, trying to get help, and then he just gets thrown off the building, and it's made in, like, 1999, and so it's not Peter Dinklage's body falling. It's a completely stiff doll just kind of careening through the air

in a way that physics would not allow for a human body. And it's a child-sized doll because it's Peter Dinklage. Yeah, and he just got this little bitty cameo where they show the flashback of the guy committing his murder. And all you see is Oz. Oz, yeah. His part was so little, he was like victim three or something. Yeah, yeah.

But they throw Dinklage off the roof, and he's like, no! And that's it. So the movie I'm talking about is called Awakenings, and the disease is called encephalitis lethargica? Something close to that and uh horrible you'll have to trust me it's terrible they get like catatonic they're frozen you know that um metallica video where the guys they're like they think he's dead but he's not really dead he's just

frozen in place they essentially have that that sounds like they're just they So they're paralyzed? They're fully conscious in a more than paralyzed, almost stiff body. Yeah, that's awful. People were hoping that in their minds they were asleep, but they couldn't really tell until they woke them up, and then they realized they were sort of thinking that whole time. Oh, should have switched off of Google Images before I typed in worst diseases. Jesus.

That was startling. That is a lot of smallpox. Those are pustules. Yeah, a lot of... Oh, Jesus Christ. I looked up what was in pus recently. It is dead tissue and dead

white blood cells, mostly mostly so now you know what's in that thing you're squeezing out the black death picture here i'll link you guys to this it's called deadliest diseases three i guess the the first two performed well. Right now, Hermione is hitting Florida. As we speak, it's right there. Oh, I was... It's Hurricane Hermione? Well, you know me and names, but... Oh, the smallpox are terrible!

Oh, Jesus! Jesus! Pop those! How would you pronounce that? Oh, I don't even want to look anymore. It's so bad. Let me see this name. Hermine?

Right? Because it's a long I sound because there's an E. Hermine? How would you spell Hermine? H-E-R-M-O-I-N-E. I've never read Harry Potter, so I have no idea. I-O-N-E. Hermione? Oh, yeah, yeah.

It's H-E-R-M-I-O-N-E. So this is just missing the O, so I guess it's Hermione. I'll wait until I hear it on the newscast. I've never seen those letters put together. I've never seen that word before, Hermione. That name, whatever the fuck Oh that is That's the new one

That's upsetting Yeah the smallpox is awful I wish, and now I'm just looking at it Now it's just over there I'm glad we got rid of that disease That's a terrible terrible disease Well there's those republicans Not wanting vaccines.

Is it Republicans? Religious people. Actually, it's not just Republicans. It is sometimes people in the religious right. The biggest places where it's a problem with people not being vaccinated are in LA and San Francisco and very liberal places where they're all

crunchy and eating their special diets and believing what washed-up celebrities have to say about medicine yeah but I'm sure there's idiots on every side you can figure it through this thing out real easy about vaccines it used to be that one in 3,500 kids in the entire United States every year died of whooping cough all right like maybe what maybe one in a million times a vaccine might have some some negative harmful effect those are pretty good odds vaccinate your fucking kids yeah there's no reason not to like if anything you're just being a dick by allowing your kid

to go out there and even if they don't get like horribly ill they can still spread it to other kids they can spread it to pregnant women like it's just pregnant women. There was a big measles outbreak last year. That's just incredibly contagious. There's a reason we vaccinate for that shit. Yeah. I have not got a vaccination in a very long time. Am I supposed to every year or something? I don't think so.

You get that shit when you're a kid, right? I don't get a flu shot. I don't get a flu shot either. I think that's for the feeble and the elderly. I got a tetanus shot recently. I want my body to see the flu and fight back. I was real happy. They and the elderly. I got a tetanus shot recently. I want my body to see the blue and fight back. I was real happy. They're like, have you had a tetanus shot?

I'm like, no, but you know what? I do shit all the time where I bet that'd come in handy. You will never catch me without at least five cuts on my legs. What is tetanus? It's a disease you get from being stabbed with rusty shit.

Isn't that how you can get a lockjaw? Actually, Kyle, that's the end of my knowledge right there. Exactly. I think that's the end of most people's basic knowledge. You know, they're like, oh, you stepped on a rusty nail? Pop! That's been my experience throughout life. I always tell them no.

I want a fresh one every time. A prolonged contraction of a muscle caused by rapidly repeating stimuli. It sounds like... It says tetanus vaccine can help prevent tetanus disease, commonly known as lockjaw. Tetanus is a serious disease that causes painful tightening of the muscles, usually all over the body. It can lead to a locking of the jaw,

so the person cannot open his mouth or swallow. You could end up like those people in Awakenings. You a rusty nail sounds like to me yeah oh i remember that being like a fear that my grandma or grandpa i don't remember who because we would always be fluting around on their farm and there's obviously a ton of shit to hurt yourself on and they'd always say like did you get cut with a rusty nail you come back here and you tell us so you'll get lock jaw and i was like what the hell is lock jaw like it means that your body your jaw is going to go you're not going to be able to to open or swallow or anything and in my head i was like i didn't put the pieces together that you had some time between cutting yourself on rust and your jaw shutting and so anytime like

i would cut myself or anything outside i would go like this at least this is like from age like maybe seven to like nine i'd go like open my mouth so that my jaw couldn't lock like just in case it was going to come in real quick i didn't think through the fact that well if it is going to lock your jaw, it'll just be locked like that instead of the other way. But I had a lot of fear about lockjaw growing up, and that's one of those things that, just like John Mulaney with quicksand,

didn't end up panning out into a real threat. What kind of farm did the grandparents have? Cattle. Cattle farm. Did they have a tractor? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Quite a few.

Did you get to fuck with them? Fuck with the cows? No, the tractors. Oh, I mean, I never drove them around on my own and farmed, but when I was a kid, I'd ride around in them with my grandpa and do some work with him because it was just kind of neat to go down to the country and see a large large cattle farm operation and in uh what they do with the tractors like i don't know what like it's push poop around or something like clean the asphalt what does a tractor do like like like baling hay that makes sense yeah so a lot of hay baling i'm sure there's a lot more he

was doing like digging shit for fence posts or whatever the hell he was doing because these are these are like main like industrial tractors not like um state tractor no these yeah yeah these are big like big tractors because they had quite a few cattle i don't remember the actual number but there were a lot and uh that was just neat i really liked cows as a kid because it was cool to go up to an animal that's so huge and also either afraid of you or completely indifferent and it was neat to like be able to go touch and be like this thing's like like the biggest animal i've ever been close to and it doesn't give a shit like i don't know touch them oh yeah like i just walk right up to the i just walk around and touch them i went to a cattle farm as an adult call me like 32 and uh someone said they'd pay me a hundred dollars if i could ride

a cattle i ride a cow and i'm like i'll give you a thousand i didn't try and ride them so dude i couldn't even touch them right let alone getting on their back i and i i think i've told this story before i'm like you know going by not looking i at the dart and closer and i i was unable to fool a cow they i was outsmarted every time and they're quicker over short distances than you might guess and yes they definitely are well the way to touch them is you wait until they're all by the trough and then when they're eating you could be you know a well-known cattle serial killer and they won't move like if they're eating they'll walk right up to you you can walk right up to them and touch them like as long as it's not like really skittish there's a little one here are well-known cattle serial killers oh yeah

yeah they that's a good point yeah yeah we were all serial killers yeah i would always feed them with like uh we call it sweet feed and like a bucket and they would come like you shake in the bucket and they're really smart so so they'll come to that sound that's how we like corralled them all together when we took those pictures of wings like hanging out with cows and stuff we just poured the sweet feed out and got them to come i never had the thing that some little kids had where like when they see the animals they don't want to eat them anymore i can still remember like the question I'd ask is like point at different cows and be like, when's that one going to get eaten? Well, that's just a little one.

It'll probably be a little while before we do anything with that one. And it's like, when's that one going to get eaten? Well, that's one of my bulls. We're not going to eat that one. I'll probably sale them off in a few years. And it was just like, I don't know, it was neat seeing like, this is the food I like to eat wandering around me. Yeah, that would have been the opposite.

I've milked cows before. That was cool to see how that works once. My father had a client. And I don't know exactly what the deal was because I was just a kid. But I think that the client wasn't like an amazing success. So we would go over and get a free dinner, I think, in part of a way to pay the bill.

And he had a restaurant slash petting farm. Like, petting zoo. So inside... Unlikely bedfellows. That's the funny part. Like, yeah, like, in hindsight, I'm like, this is so unsanitary. it's disgusting you know

and they'd be like dude dude you should come on tuesday night he's gonna shear the sheep so like the owner of the restaurant would shear the sheep and i don't know what shearing a sheep is like if this amount of blood is customary but i suspect he's bad at it. Oh, no. There should be no blood. None. Oh, there was blood. I didn't want to hear about that. As a child, I was concerned. I'm like, man, I think he was just like,

you're supposed to shave it and leave maybe a touch. He's just like, ah, ah, ah. And the thing that he finished had cuts and wounds all over him, like his back and his belly and shit. Yeah, that's shitty. This is like a pre-dinner show. No wonder he couldn't afford his bills. Yeah.

And he didn't share it. But my favorite was that he— Well, I'm going to serve dinner, and then we're going to have a learn to share. So I stored it. He had baby calves, and we'd feed them with like a bottle they had like a bottle but it was bigger than a human baby bottle and uh they would also suck your thumb the calves and uh their tongues were much bigger than you might guess you know it's like eight times a human tongue or something and when they suck your thumb you're like you can't

you can't help in my opinion to fall in love with this calf. You just hope it's never food. It becomes somebody's pet. Sounds like it might have sucked more than your thumb. Very skilled tongues, those brofines. But yeah, he had that. He had a few arcade machines, a petting zoo, and it was one of my favorite restaurants. But they didn't have

root beer. I helped a calf... I was just going to say, you'd order root beer and they'd say well we have birch beer like that's the same no i would try it i don't know what that is really oh birch beer is a poor man's root beer i suppose i don't know it just they're not the same thing at all oh anyway i i uh well we're still on cows because it's enthralling. I don't know if I've ever mentioned this on PK. I've never had one suck any part of me, but I have helped a cow give birth.

I was a cattle OBGYN for a day. Have I ever said that? You have not. Okay, so basically, I was probably 16 or 17, and I was down at my grandparents' farm, and my grandpa was like, hey, come help me with some shit. I was down at my grandparents farm and my grandpa was like hey come help me with some shit and I was like okay and so we went up

to one of the farms or one of the barns where a bunch of the cattle were and he's like that one over there 3760 or whatever because they have the tags is going to give birth so you're going to I'm going to walk it through this thing lock its head in the I don't know the name of it

lock its head in these like two almost like prison bars but uh like if you know when bender grabs what it's a it's a chute and a head gate that your head gate so what it looks like basically is if you've ever watched futurama where you see bender kind of grab two prison bars and bend them so they're slightly out it's kind of like that just enough space that you can sneak the house head through there and then you close them around the neck. So it's not squeezing it or touching it. But they can't pull back out through. It's kind of like a Chinese finger trap.

Yeah, like a Chinese finger trap a bit. And so he goes through the chute. Gets in the gate. And my grandpa was like, all right, I'm going to do something from the front here. Or he had to administer some medicine or something near the head. And he was like, you can't do this. Because if it thrashes or something. I don't know what the danger was And he was like, you can't do this because if it thrashes or something, or I don't know what the danger was, but he said, you go behind it.

And so the legs were coming out first. I guess that's not the way it's supposed to happen. It's supposed to come out legs last maybe. And so it was just like a cow vag about five feet off the ground and then like four crisscrossed little cow feet in there. And in my head I I'm picturing, there is no fucking way we're pulling this thing out of this cow vag.

There's just physics. And so wrap a chain around all of the legs sticking out of the vagina and tighten that up, a literal chain wrapped around it. And then I was standing there and my grandpa's like,

all right, when i gave the word you're gonna pull and i'm like how hard do i pull like just a gentle pull so i don't ruin this cow's like vagina or just like a big pull he's like you're gonna have to give it a real good pull and i was like okay and so he's like right now and so i just i just go as hard as i could pulling this cow. I can see it coming out. I can see the ooze, the afterbirth. It's all just oozing out like a little bit as it's coming.

And I pull. And I kind of pictured it would be almost like the legs would come out, and it would like drip down, and then like another piece, and it would come out, and then it would just kind of like like, fall, like, the remaining two feet and just go plop. No. Yank it out, and it was, like, all at once, this thing came out of the cow, all of it, five feet in the air, and then, boom, just collapses. And I thought for a second, I'm like, oh, fuck, it's gonna, there's no way. That thing, like, it just began life with a five-foot fall with all of its legs tied up.

Like, that's not a fun way to begin it. And as soon as I undid the chain, like, it kind of got, like, licked by its mother. Get all that afterbirth shit off. And it was walking relatively soon. But, oh, that was, oh, the amount of shit. That really solidified what afterbirth is. And so I am prepared for the amount that a human woman can push out because the amount that it was a fifth of an Olympic swimming pool of goo

that came out in a big sack from this thing. And the sack was, of course, already punctured because it was leaking. It was just the most grim water balloon ever. I've seen a human woman's afterbirth before. When I was visiting with Dan Tanner, the guy who invented Tannerite, his wife just had had a baby. They did a tub birth

with a midwife or some shit. He had the afterbirth in a garbage bag in the back of his truck to use for bear bait. I got to see a little bit of that. I wish I hadn't. That's use for bear bait. And so I got to see a little bit of that. I wish I hadn't. That's probably good bear bait.

Do you really want to be training bear to like go after pregnant women? And like human blood? I don't think that you want this to develop. You can't bring women hunting anymore. No, he'll smell you if you're on one of your cycles.

That's what happened to the grizzly man. He had been fighting. You ever watch Grizzly Man? Yes, I've watched sections of that on YouTube. The guy who ended up dying because he was talking to bears. He died because his girlfriend was on her period. That's why he died. Really? I did not know that.

Yeah. There was some male bear that wasn't able to get food normally, so he was starved and stuff. The real reason he died is because he was fucking around in bear country. Well, you could say that about everything. You'd be like, ah, the real reason they died is because they bought that plane ticket and went up there to begin with. We don't have wings. Like, come on, you're going to do dangerous shit. But, like, the real reason he died, because he'd been doing it for like 12 years was because he brought his

girlfriend with him and she was on her period. And that didn't end well. Really upset the bears. I didn't like, I watched enough of it to see like he was treating bears like disrespectful fifth grade students or like even like second grade students where like, if like a kid's being mouthy and they're

eight years old he'd kind of be you're kind of like hey you know stop doing that like you know watch it be respectful this is not your time to speak like that's what you do he was doing that like a bear would be like and he's like and he had a really like gay inflection if i remember correctly and he was like timothy this is so timothy as he looks at the camera there's an angry bear behind him and he's looking at the camera like they're on a sitcom together and they always have these little kerfuffles. He's like, Timothy is always one to get aggressive. And I just

have to tell him. I just have to say, Timothy. I just have to say, Timothy, no, you can't do that. And it's like, what the fuck? God's name is happening. Timothy doesn't know a fuck about boys. Or the bear would be like, hey, enough of that. Enough of that.

I've had it up to here with you. And it's like, the bear's eight feet tall. You've had it up to there with him in a minute. And you can hear the audio when the bear's attacking him. It's just awful. And they have like, the camera was running when they were being eaten alive. So they had the full audio of them being eaten alive and it's just it's horrible apparently uh it's that whole thing was terrible let me fuck them with bears i

agree with you i wouldn't fuck with bears either i was a bgy into about half a dozen cats uh i was way too young i didn't know like what a vagina was or anything like that uh i had a friend jason mclaughlin was his name met him in college again and dude like when they were gone rather than knock on their door and be like oh I guess they're not home I would just hang out at their house like all the time they had outdoor cats sometimes they leave their house unlocked and I just invite myself in and like watch like I was not a good person you know like it did no evil intent really I just wouldn't want me like, really, really?

Did we leave the fucking place unlocked and Woody got it again? You know, like he's not my kid. Why is he hanging out at our house? Like if they're not home, like you would not expect people to just sit there and wait. Anyway, that's like something out of a sitcom. I was literally like using their front porch as a jungle gym and waiting for them to come home. Just like the Nate, it was like a story above ground in some places. And I would like walk on the dangerous side and go back and forth and just fuck around, you know, while I was waiting for them to come home.

And I heard a cat screaming, just like meowing loudly. And I thought it was maybe being attacked or something and i get there and he's just she's laying down there on her side and she's screaming and screaming and i'm consoling her just sort of petting her wondering why she's in such pain and then kitten comes out and it's a disgusting thing like i didn't even recognize it as a kitten at first i think i thought she was pooping. But sure enough, they start moving around. Its eyes are closed and it's covered with some sort of body bag of slime.

And they're coming out. They weren't all alive. This one comes out as a live cat. This one comes out as a live cat. Oh, a dead cat. And I'm like pulling them a little bit to give her because she's in pain. It looks like she's not very good at this.

I don't think so, but could be. I just squeeze, I gingerly grab their little skulls, pull them out. I can picture Woody there, and one of them comes out, and you just already have the paper towels, like, oh, someone's got to tell them this cat has a real big gastrointestinal problem, and you're picking them up in napkins, flushing them down the toilet.

Your cat had a real big problem, like, six horrible shits came out. Don't worry, I in napkins, flushing them down the toilet. Your cat had a real big problem. Like six horrible shits came out. Don't worry. I cleaned them up, flushed them down the toilet. No worries. Yeah. They came home and I was like,

Hey, you know, like we had a bunch of babies and, uh, um, yeah, I don't know. Not our cat.

Yeah. I thought it was cool. Cause I, it barely was their cat. Like their house was a, a little bit. Now that I gave their real name, I don't want to give too many, like, personal details. But their house was in a bit of a disarray at the time. And there were, like, strange cats and sometimes dogs.

Do you still have your cat? Wasn't there a cat that lived on your premises? I don't know where he or she went. There was a cat that had made a home in our stable. And when we got the house we would occasionally spot it and even see it going towards the stable but um i guess when i started fixing the roof it stopped coming around and it's not as if there isn't like still good places and you like it could i bet you sealed that poor cat up in a crawl space somewhere

no i don't think so for days i think he just found like either a different home or a diet or something we we occasionally find like baby rabbits and stuff but we have so many hawks in this area that i don't know how a cat could multiply they'd have to be real clever like when i if i see a rabbit that's out in the open that rabbit is not lasting long they're just constantly hawks like patrolling the area looking for kills so it's like that here too um i think a generation of people not killing those things for fun has has done wonders for them uh i'll sit in the field sometimes the 22 and shoot birds like doves or whatever's like

walking around in the field and they'll start flopping a lot. Like when you shoot them and the hawks will come down. Like I won't even know there's a hawk there, but I'll shoot some bird standing in the field and he'll start flopping, and the hawk is like, and on it. I was like, whoa, where the fuck did he come from? And then he'll eat those birds as I shoot them. That hawk is loving you. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, big time. This weird ape comes out with a loud stick, and then suddenly food's just all over the goddamn place. As a paramotorist, they teach you to watch the birds, and you can see them find thermals and make their rotations. They do the stuff that a paraglider would do to gain altitude and not flap their wings. And it doesn't take

any special skill to understand it but i never really looked at them that carefully to see like how these birds flew until i started flying myself they're pretty neat and they can tell you what's going on up there i still think you need to get a gun up there what is. What is this? He just linked us here. Is this Al? Oh, God! See, I clicked that because I thought Al Gore had been hit in the face. Oh!

The line says, Gore hit in face with puck. And I'm like, Al Gore? Was it a hockey game? Yeah, exactly. No, no, no. Not Al Gore. Is he okay? He's obviously not okay! He's obviously not okay. He's obviously not okay. I'm sure he finished up the game, but he definitely has to go to the hospital now.

If he finished that game up. His name is Jay Rosehill, and he took a slap shot in the face, and he has a broken palate. It's awful. Oh, that's this thing. No, if you look it up like nhl players finish their shifts there's a clip of a guy in the nhl uh blocks a slap shot it breaks his leg and they're on they're in their own zone and he's a defenseman and so he doesn't leave otherwise the other team will probably score so he keeps like limping around trying to put himself in the way

to block shots as he has a broken fucking leg meanwhile Meanwhile, like, LeBron James gets a little crampy, and six people need to come out and aid him up. That's not even the—like, baseball players literally miss games because they have, like, Nintendo blisters and shit like that. That's different, though. No, no, that's different. A pitcher's got to have touch. Like, you know, if he's got a hangnail, it can be a problem. He's kind of an artist out there like making that thing do stuff phil kessel one of the pittsburgh penguins

forwards played the uh stanley cup series with a partially broken hand and he's he's he's someone who has to score like that's his job and so you just know every time he's like ah like who's that dallas guy your hand who's the star who's the star of the dallas stars blonde haired guy from like 10 years ago 15 years ago do you remember his name i'm not good at i don't i'm not good at knowing their hair color because they all wear their helmets um i mean if like 10 10 ish years ago are you thinking like madonna yeah i am thinking um madonna i was going for madonna the brett hole played for the stars yeah yeah after uh the blues he played for the stars um anyway yeah mike madonna

played a playoff game with like a broken hand too he's a tough guy oh i like that about hockey how much they play when they're injured because not that like it's infinitely like it is badass but it's more the fact that it's like man this person's in a lot of pain but they're injured because not that like it's infinitely like it is badass, but it's more the fact that it's like, man, this person's in a lot of pain, but they're putting their team above their own comfort. UFC fighters do it too, right? Like soccer players, fake injuries, hockey players and UFC fighters fake healthy, right? That they try to convince you that they're not hurt so they can go out there and do their best. And you know, they'll just, Oh yeah,

I got hurt somewhere in the upper body. You know? And I'm not telling you. You'll target it. So they just, and they play on. I'm very impressed. We'll see. I'm convinced that the Blues are going to suck this year, maybe barely make the playoffs,

definitely be a down year, and continue to head down. And I know that on pkn you made a pretty powerful argument you said they had one of the youngest average ages i haven't yet confirmed that um but shucks i just find so much about them that's not encouraging and their farm team sucks and farm teams are so on and off that it's it's really hard to tell how promising they are because there are a lot of prospects who just don't get drafted high and then they play in the minors for a while and they end up panning out, whereas you have some, like, first-round prospects.

I guess, like, there's some Oilers fans out there that would probably argue that Yakupov wasn't a complete loss, and he's not, Neil Yakupov, but he's not performing performing like uh I think like a first overall I think he was first overall the thing with the Blues is they are going to be better in three years than if they had signed those players um the big contingency is Shattenkirk so we have one of the most valuable defensemen in the league one of the most valuable offensive defensemen in the league kevin shattenkirk and if we dish him and we trade him before the trade deadline for a good center maybe like creche from the boston bruins then i think that we suddenly have a much stronger team because tarasenko is one of the best goal scorers in the league he just doesn't have a good big t

he doesn't he just doesn't have anybody to set him up and so he's having to do a ton of the legwork. That average age number you cited is so inconsequential. Not really. It speaks to the future in a way, because we have a lot of young players locked up in long-term contracts, whereas if we'd kept Bacchus and people like that, then we would have a lot of older guys locked up in long contracts. But it's like a 30-way tie. Like, the, let's see, fifth youngest team,

their average age is like 27. And then you go down like 30 teams later, and it gets to 29. Yeah, in professional sports, that does make a big deal. They're all the same age. But they're close in age. Within two years. Within two years yes but that

does start to make a difference when you're playing a sport as physical and demanding as hockey it takes a toll on your body more so than i don't know i don't want to cite any sport because it'll just piss people off like maybe basketball i don't know um the thing with the blues i agree with you that it will be a down year i've been saying that i think it's going to be a down year i think we'll still make the playoffs barring just a horrible collapse um from jake allen another thing that's concerning me is the fact that we re-signed our coach ken hitchcock for a final year and signed a coach mike yow who is going to take control as the head coach next season which makes me think like well what if these two guys don't get along in the locker room

and mike yow is telling the blues to play one way ken hitchcock's telling them to play the other way well fuck ken hitchcock's the head coach but mike yow is an assistant coach who's going to be our for sure head coach next year so who are we wanting to piss off so i can see locker room coach politics being a huge problem this year that's the big wild card that could mean that they suck not suck they won't suck but it could mean that they won't perform up to standard. I do think that we'll still make the playoffs, but I don't think this is our year by any stretch of the imagination. This is like a

step back so that we're able to take steps forward in future years. Because if we had signed those old guys, I would have no fucking confidence in our next four years at all. I do know my shit on this. Luckily, they'll play each other next year and we'll find out.

Youngest team in the NHL, Carolina, by the way. Yes, Carolina's definitely coming up. They always seem to have... I don't know. They're one of those teams like the last four years it's like the Buffalo Sabres or the Toronto Maple Leafs where it's like, ah, we're really going to surge this year. And then you watch them and it's like, ah, we're really going to surge this year.

And then you watch them and it's like, ah, no. Not like they just get butt-fucked. But they're going to be significantly better this year, I think, Carolina. Carolina wasn't good. They could be significantly better and not make the playoffs. Yes, but I don't think they're going to be a bottom feeder anymore. I think that they'll be in that mid-range of missing the playoffs. I think the Blues will make the playoffs but um probably a first round exit because they're just too young right now

and with not enough playoff experience or i guess that last year we got a fuck ton of playoff experience i don't know it's hockey has so much parody compared to some like basketball it's just a good example because it happens the same time as hockey's and they're kind of comparable same number of games basketball you can say right I can name three teams right now, and I feel like there's an 80% chance that one of those teams will be the champion. You know, you've got Golden State, who apparently is stacked beyond recognition, Cleveland, and then Miami.

One of them is going to go incredibly far. You couldn't say that about any team right now in the NHL. Like, you could say, I think maybe Pittsburgh. Is Miami stacked? I don't know. I just said that because Kyle said it. I just know they lost during the lead, right? Yeah, well, yeah, I don't know what their futures are like,

but the last, I don't know, five or six years, things have been going pretty well. You're saying hockey's very hard to predict because there's so much parity. Like, the Carolina Hurricanes could go out there and beat the shit out of the Pittsburgh Penguins one night and like humiliate them even though the Penguins are just a better team. And it's just – I like how that can happen. Whereas I don't think you ever see like who's horrible in basketball, the Brooklyn Nets.

Like you won't ever see the Brooklyn Nets go out there and really shit rock Golden State. I drove past an arena today in Gwinnett in Atlanta, and I saw that they have professional lacrosse there. I don't even remember what our local lacrosse team is called.

The Georgia lacrosse team. I'm kind of interested, though. I kind of want to see that. I might go back. I bet tickets are cheap as hell. They probably pay you to come in there. It's like a studio audience or something. A studio audience. The laugh track comes in. The sign flashes clap.

Everybody's like, alright, well, normally I don't have to be prompted for this, but okay. You have to have a barter. Nobody knows the rules of lacrosse, so you have a barker out there like, the reason the whistle was called is because it like a barker. Cheer, all right. Like nobody knows the rules of lacrosse, so you have like a barker out there. Like the reason the Rizzle was called is because it was a false side, not like offsides in other sports. Let me tell you the entomology of the word.

Like someone to explain everything because I don't know any fucking rules in lacrosse, but I know that it looks like fun. So lacrosse, that's the one with the sticks with the little pouches on the end or the little catchy thing, and they catch the ball and they're flicking it around. And then there's a net at the end, right? Yep. Okay. Yeah.

That's the extent of my knowledge of lacrosse. You have to dribble it. When you carry the stick, you can't just run with it. You got to do this like, you know how like with a bucket of water, you can like swing it so it doesn't fall? They do that back and forth, back and forth with the lacrosse stick and uh whatever happened to highlight makes it tricky yeah where is highlight like where's that popular florida miami vice trailers i was thinking like something like monaco or montenegro one of those really, really rich, smaller places. It just seems... I don't know. I'm going to look that up. I watched that Johnny Depp mob movie recently,

and his character in real life and in the movie was involved in High Lie. But it's that thing, it's got that... It looks like a giant scoop, and it flicks the ball really fucking fast, right? Yeah, and it's flicks the ball really fucking fast right yeah it's like a ceramic ball uh it says right here uh the sport once held the world record for the ball speed of a 125 to 140 gram ball covered with goat skin that traveled 188 miles an hour jesus performed by jose ramon alieto at the newport Rhode Island Highline. It was broken by Canadian five-time

long drive champion Jason Zubak on a 2007 episode of Sports Science with a golf ball speed of 204 miles an hour. That's incredible. Where is this based out of? 200 miles per hour. The Basque government?

He's flicking those things almost as fast as a paintball. Yeah, and it's hard and heavy. Yeah, yeah. I wonder if he's accurate. Latin American countries and the Philippines. That's a real weapon if you're accurate with that motherfucker.

Yeah. If you could hit a man with it at 20 yards, that would be scary. I don't think I've ever watched an actual being played in this game. Do you have to catch it in your thing? I don't fucking know, man. Let's see.

I know less about Highline than I do about Badminton. Badminton? Badminton. Yeah. Have you ever tried Badminton? No. No, I haven't. It's really, really frustrating because you feel like it should be way easier than it is.

Yeah. Holy shit. I've only played the main core sports, I guess. I play tennis and football and basketball and baseball and I don't know what else besides that. Dodgeball was always my favorite.

Just skip over all the bullshit and get right to hurting people. That's my kind of game. Dodgeball was always the most fun game in gym. I never understood why people like oh dodgeball it's like no this is it's it's a day of days yeah it's dodgeball i like dodgeball it's easy if you're not if you're coordinated i i wouldn't say i was particularly coordinated i mean i had the throwing and catching skills that most swimmers did um i wasn't particularly big

and strong swimmers are known for not being able to throw and catch. Yeah, exactly. I was like, are they good at that? No. That's why they're not playing baseball. I was like, well, it is kind of that arm motion maybe. That's a joke that swimmers make. Yeah, but I still like dodgeball.

I thought it was fun. I was just not scared. I'd go at it and give it a go and and i didn't hit puberty at four like taylor did so it wasn't like i was out there just like rocking children i uh i was the child and i still like dodgeball dude uh seventh grade or eighth grade dodgeball in gym was my sweet spot. I imagine. Having man strength and facing children. They called him the dominator. The only one of you over five feet tall.

What did you use for dodgeballs? Because that's how you figure out what kind of dodgeball you were playing. It was always like they'd have bunches of different kinds because it was kind of like just throwing a big bucket of balls out there, and they'd be like volleyballs. There'd be those more soft, black, rubbery ones where you could get a real good grip and whip those ones real good. I'm trying to think about it.

I'm surprised you said volleyballs because that, to me me is the highest level of dodgeball, when you've got a slightly deflated volleyball. Because it hits so fucking hard, and you can squeeze it enough that you can hold one in each hand, and fucking use them to defend yourself,

and then you can whip that thing. And to get speed, you've got to be able to flick your wrist, or at least I do. And with those, you could. And I just to flick your wrist, or at least I do. With those, you could. I just remember we were whipping those things fast. Faster than you want someone throwing it at your face when you're 13.

They would really sting. I wonder if my balls would change your mind. We had three different sizes of red balls. You know the red balls you might play kickball with? We had big ones like this. And then we had medium ones that were maybe a foot in diameter.

And then we had smaller ones that even kids could palm. Like a four square ball, right? I don't know a four square ball. But these were small red balls. Small, medium, and large. And they had different sizes. The small ones, you could really zip at a guy and the bigger ones you could block with.

And it was an interesting dynamic. They were like offensive and defensive balls and they'd just be out there and they take like a basket and dump it and they'd all fall out. Did you ever play hockey in gym? No, we used to play. This is like grade school. They'd have like floor hockey where you had those like horrible little street hockey sticks that are like made of plastic so if you tried to take a wrist shot too hard it just crumples and falls it like it just bends and it's useless and i

remember i i was like so proud at the time because i bet i was like oh god maybe nine years old and i'd been playing hockey for a couple years at that point so i was like oh i'm gonna fucking dominate this like i'm the only one who can actually get this little flimsy puck up in the air and i was so like i'm badass and i remember one of the girls in our class because i had girls and boys playing like nine on nine the whole length of the gym hockey and i was like maybe eight feet away from the goal and the goalie who doesn't want to be there standing there like about getting ready to move because like, I'm not going to take a hit

for this fucking game. And I just like whipped it. And I was trying so much to make sure it got in the air because it was hard to get in the air with these shit sticks that I ended up lifting it way too high. And it just caught this poor girl right in the teeth. And she just dropped her little stick with like a feeble little click, click, click, click.

As it hit the hard basketball wood. And she just grabbed her mouth and was bleeding. And I got scolded, reprimanded rather. And said, you can't shoot it in the air anymore. And two days later, next time we had Jim, they nixed the whole thing. They nixed the whole thing because that bitch's mom had to call in and say i don't want my daughter playing that when it's like okay everybody else is having a good time you just weren't quick enough like i don't i hated that that's how i feel too that's how it was like

they'd always get rid of the fun sports because some fucking kid who was bad at the sport and was like oh i don't want to do it we okay well i guess everybody has to be on the same page did you play crap soccer that was the most fun crap soccer oh man so everyone sits on a little four-wheel dolly right it's it's like two square feet with four wheels on it and all the wheels rotate so you're buzzing around like like you might on an office chair and uh the soccer ball is like waist high like it's a giant ball and uh it's way faster to like an office chair to go backwards than it is to like try and you know pull yourself forwards so everyone's doing like pele style bicycle kicks in this crap soccer thing and it's just a bunch of guys like people are getting hurt all the time because the nature of it is you just roll over each other's fingers like non-stop and uh crab soccer was

awesome are you talking about those like they're like it's maybe like this tall like a scooter to where it's just like a plastic base uh and then it has like two little handles on the side you know what i'm talking about and it had four wheels that roll poorly on the bottom. Let me find a picture of this. I'm just going to type in grade school scooter. Remind me, I saw a guy in Atlanta today on a scooter. I want to talk about it in a second. Yep, this is exactly what I'm talking about.

This thing right fucking here. Oh, yeah. Here it is. Let me see. yeah yeah yeah that thing so these things right here if you show it on the screen hopefully we're talking about the same thing where you'd be grabbing onto these i don't know why the teacher oh we lost taylor yeah well in in my world i was driving through atlanta today and i saw a guy on the sidewalk riding what can only be described as an electric unicycle i've never heard of such a thing he was stand each foot was on like a little like kick out thing i don't know there was a

little platform for each foot to go on and not much more and between the two feet was a single wheel just a big wheel and it was it was it was it was that was it he was standing on these two things these two little places for his feet to go and those were connect connected to a central wheel and there was just the one wheel and he was rolling down the fucking sidewalk faster than i would jog i wonder if it had any like segue technology that helped him must have because otherwise it just it's impossible i i'd never seen anything like that before um i still don't know exactly what the fuck i saw but um it looked really cool it looked like i could never ride it i know that for sure if it had segway technology you could hardly fall i don't know he was on a side this looks skillful i saw an electric uh skateboard today it was the

first one i'd actually seen in real life um his looked almost it didn't look like casey nice stats his looks sleek and and like a long board yeah yeah and i didn't notice like a big battery block hanging out from under his and this guy i saw it looked almost like he had made this thing like i could see that there was a battery that was basically the size of a skateboard the dimensions between the wheels anyway and like an inch and a half two inches thick under there and i saw a wire and then i saw that he had tires rather than wheels really like somewhere something in between but he was powering that thing right through an intersection. Like it was moving pretty quickly.

If I lived in an urban area, I would totally get a boosted board. If you watch many Casey Neistat videos, he totally makes it look like the most useful thing in the world. Because he has a last mile problem, right? Everywhere he goes is within a few miles, right? So like me, like I took Colin to the doctor today. It was probably a 12 mile drive, something like that. It was on the other side of Raleigh. You don't use a boosted board to solve a 12 mile problem. And certainly 24 miles round trip, like that's a lot. That's a, that's an adventure that you're going on. But if you're going to someplace that's a mile mile and a half from you you have a last mile problem and a boosted

board it's cooler than a bike it's more fun it beats those those stupid hoverboards I don't know what they're for indoor travel or something like hoverboards are stupid but the boosted boards look great the trouble is one I don't have a last mile problem two

I can't imagine the amount of horse shit i would get from my subs if they saw me copy him on the boosted board thing don't do that oh no not gonna uh and i'm pretty sure what would happen is i'd get it and enjoy it for like three days and then just be kind of done with it like i don't think i just continue i don't know where you because every time you want to use it you got to go somewhere right it's completely useless at your house i would think well i mean there's like leading to my house there's a neighborhood so it's not as if there's a place to ride there's just no reason to ride you know so yeah it'd be like you need to join some sort of

gang of boosted board riders or something like that. We could have, like, Sons of Anarchy jackets with patches. I saw a black motorcycle gang today. There was, like, maybe 40 of them all, like, riding through, like, with the black power fist right through Atlanta today. That was interesting. I'm sure their lives matter. Yeah, I didn't let them merge in.

I just kept going straight. They were pretty mad. I didn't care. Like Kit, the Knight Rider reference there. Knight Rider car, yeah. Yeah, both similar car. I don't know. I wonder what David Hasselhoff is doing now.

Like sometimes I look at actors that aren't working. So a better example. I think he is. He's doing something. I looked up Goose from Top Gun, right? And I'm like, think he is he's doing something i looked up goose from top gun right i'm like i wonder what he's doing now because he went from top gun to revenge of the nerds to er right and then it seems like he's not getting much work so i looked up his recent stuff just to see if i was wrong and sure enough he's not in any films that i had like seen or any tv

shows he was in a tv show and it got canceled first season and that to me is is not what the show was called i'd have to look at what year it was it was pretty recent i don't like in the last two or three and uh yeah because i think maybe he was on the howard stern show promoting it um okay like like i think i heard like a rerun of him doing that today it's kind of weird you mentioned it because he was was talking about Revenge of the Nerds. So his name is Anthony Edwards. And shucks. I'm looking for the TV show I was talking about.

Was it Temple Garden? I'm not sure. Oh, Zero Hour. It was Zero Hour in 2013. There were 13 episodes and it got canceled first season. And when I heard that, I was like, oh, that's a bummer. Because he seems like a nice guy based on what I see him on TV. I like Goose.

But then I saw he was worth $30 million. And I'm like, wait a minute. He didn't lose. He won. If he has $30 million, he might be choosing not to work. Like, I saw this thing, Rick Moranis. Remember from Honey, I Shrunk the Kids? Yeah, his wife died of cancer, and he hasn't worked all these years to look after the kids.

Yeah, so I saw this article, and it was like, Honey, I Raised the Kids. And, you know, he had all the money he needed, and he decided to just stay at home and be a stay-at-home dad, and he raised the kids. That he had all the money he needed and he decided to just stay at home and be a stay-at-home dad and he raised the kids. That is not a career failure. That is a success. Oh, yeah. If you've got millions of dollars

and you decide to spend your time doing whatever the hell you want instead of working, that's fine by me. Knock yourself out. That's what David Hasselhoff is doing right now, apparently. He's got a really pathetic video on his Twitter promoting this.

He's doing a David Hasselhoff world fan cruise where you can pay 600 euros and come hang out with the Hoff on this wonderful cruise. Looks like they're going to be... I don't speak German, so... Can't really tell. Europe, asian africa australian yeah i don't speak german so i don't know the question is does he need money or does he just want money like he needs money i bet can you repeat the question does david hasselhoff need money or does he want money? Because he's promoting this fan cruise,

600 euros to go on a cruise with Hasselhoff on this big cruise ship. Because he's done a bunch of successful things. There was Baywatch and then that followed by, what did he do, America's Got Talent or something? Is he the guy in Knight Rider? Yeah. I'm going to, I know how useless it is, but I'm going to look up his net worth on the internet

as if that says anything. I look up net worths, like, when I'm curious. I guess not, I was going to say all the time, but that's a lie. But some of them just come up and make notes. Sharknado, that was his last movie. It says he's worth 110 million. I don't know if that means anything.

No, bullshit. Bullshit he is. There's no way he's worth 110 million, and he's selling cruise tickets for 600 euros a pop, and he's starring in Sharknado. There's no fucking way he would embarrass... Right? That would be absurd if he's starring in sharknado there's no fucking way he would embarrass you right that would be absurd if he's worth 100 like how old is he because he's really getting up there

i don't feel like he would be doing 70 like branson kind of thing like that's where where like all those stars seem to go is they like go to branson and then they perform in front of a bunch of old people who still know about their stuff and enjoy it and make money that way like it kind of like so many lame things are in branson i don't know what's true but it says on this article which is from this year like may of this year that uh david hasselhoff has net worth issues he's been paying 252 000 a year 21 grand a month to his ex-wife and uh he says he only makes 112 grand a year and can't afford to pay his alimony anymore. So who knows what to make of these things. It reminds me of 50 Cent, where he claims to be broke,

and then he poses with $250,000 worth of cash made into the shape of a bed or something, and a bunch of fast cars. And then he goes into court and he says, all that is fake because my job requires that i pretend to be rich and i don't know what the hell is true and what's false here's hasselhoff trying to lower his alimony by claiming he only has four thousand in cash to his name and but that might be why he's on a cruise ship selling tickets yeah i don't feel like if you want to go that'd be why he's on a cruise ship, selling tickets. Yeah, I don't feel like if... You want to go? That'd be a good trip. No. Oh, my God, and we can just badger?

Ridicule him the whole time. Make Knight Rider jokes? Knight Rider jokes. Just keep making kit jokes. No, I don't want to go on a cruise ship. Remember when his daughter recorded him all wasted out of his mind and then laying on the floor eating hamburgers or something. I do remember that.

That was a high point for him, and we didn't know it. High point, yeah. That was right before the precipitous decline. Maybe that was the beginning of it. Let me get a word in here about Tracker. Smart cars, smart phones, smart homes. Technology has made everything smart, but when you lose those smart things, it still

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a blue apron meal it's always moving around one time I left it in my Casper mattress yeah left it in my Casper mattress I really do love my fucking Casper mattress I like every time someone sees my bed

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i'm fucking tired i've been when he gets back we're both talking in sling blade so we were talking about all sorts of things when you were gone tell me about when he was just a boy yeah when I was a boy we didn't have much at all mostly just stayed out in the shed had me a dugout spot with some blankets throw down and it is fine. Mom would bring me mustard and biscuits three or four nights a week. That ain't go hungry too often. That's your best impression

by far. I've been doing that since I was a little kid. My mom's friend, I remember loved that movie and I would do that and fuck with her. She would call and I'd see her my mom's friend would call our home and I movie, and I would do that and fuck with her. She would call, and I'd see her. My mom's friend would call our home, and I would see her on the call ID. I'm like, hello. She's like, hey there, Billy Bob.

Is your mom there? She went out for the evening. Like me to take a message? And she'd just be cracking up. She loved that shit. Woody hates it. I really wish I could get my buddy Matt to come on the show, but I think he's got satellite internet,

so it's like a whole problem. But he does the best I've ever seen. He does it, and I don't even want to do mine next to his because he looks like him too. He's mostly bald, but he shaves it, and I don't even want to do mine next to his because he looks like him too. He's mostly bald, but he shaves it, just like Carl kind of. And, man, the facial expressions and everything, he kills it. Yeah. I don't have any actually good impressions of anyone.

I just have ones that asymptotically approach the impression, but they never get that. That's all you need. You just need to kind of sound like it. That guy, yeah. I like Chiz's old Jewish man. That's his best impression. He wheels that one out occasionally.

He does a very good old Jewish man. But it's a little racist, especially for someone who's not Jewish at all. Like if he had a Jewish uncle or something, maybe he could play that card, but he's basically doing a really stereotypical racist Jewish guy. He's doing basically like a minstrel show of Jewish people. Like, a minstrel show, for those of you who don't know,

is when they would dress up like black people, and it wasn't like blackface now. Like, well, they'll be like, oh, a person dresses up as a black superhero with blackface. And it's just they have a blackface like a character. It was like fucking a racist blackface. All alone and all alone. And they painted big eyes on him. And they painted big pink or red lips or big white lips.

And it was just like you couldn't. If you looked at it without any sort of cultural understanding, you'd be like, Oh, that's clearly a clown. Like, that's really what I think you would think if you didn't know they were being racist. It's that outlandish and ridiculous that you would think it was some sort of performance act,

which it was, but just it, it doesn't even look like a black person. It looks like a clown. Yeah. It's a stereotype. Yeah. It's, it's real shitty. That a black person. It looks like a clown. Yeah, it's a stereotype. Yeah, it's real shitty. That happened forever, though.

There was a long time where they would, and I guess it still kind of happens today, and sometimes I'm okay with it. When they make a white actor play an Asian guy, that's the one that I think that they're really trying to crack down on now. They don't like it when Keanu Reeves goes over there and saves the day for China or whatever. No, it's Matt Damon. So Matt Damon's in that new Chinese

produced movie. Have you heard about that? No. So I think it's going to be the most expensive or biggest movie China's ever made, but they got Matt Damon to play the main character. And I think the premise has some it's something like you know the great wall of jaya can be seen from outer space it stretches over 4 000 miles that's not true why were they trying to keep out this summer matt damon and this is like and you just see these flashes of like mongolian it no it's not that's what you think, right? And I was like, oh, shit, the Mongolians are coming. No, no.

It's monsters. It's fucking monsters. It's dragons, I think. It looked like, you know how the Chinese have those parades where they've got, like, that fake dragon? They're bouncing up over their heads and going down. It looked like those, but CGI and supposed to be real. So I'm pretty sure Matt Damon is going to be like Jon Snow on the wall, like,

hold! While they fight these mythical Chinese dragons. And these slow paper dragons just kind of listlessly move over the wall. They're not paper. They're actual dragons. They just look like those silly long ones that are more like snakes with lion heads than anything but i i'm gonna watch that that looks like it's gonna be pretty good and i and i don't understand how they call it racist because it's not like it's

an american movie about chinese people with an with a white guy it's a chinese movie and they were like let's get matt damon yeah let's get him. They could have picked the Chinese guy. I mean, it was clearly a business move where they're like, hmm, a lot more people will watch this if we pick, I don't know, an actor from the biggest cultural exporter on the planet that's well known. How about Matt Damon? I always get Matt Damon and Ben Affleck mixed up. Matt Damon. Like, that's why they did it. I'm sure they have a great

Chinese actor there that could have done fine. It's just... They paid him a shitload of money, from what I understand. Probably our money. Yeah, they're just... The interest they made off of us to pay Matt Damon. Yeah. But I want to see it. like matt damon i i really liked

him in the martian and uh i i guess i i liked him in the born movies i like that stuff so i i although like something about that uh team america really did poison me against him and made me think i always like double check like when i see him say something like is he retarded yeah he's showing signs of mental retardation like like it for some reason it got in my head i didn't know it was the puppet until like three years ago when it was like got on the internet that it was the puppet i used to think that maybe there was just something wrong with matt damon and trey and matt trey parker matt stoner uh just just knew it that like the guys from south park just knew that yeah matt damon's kind of slow-witted, and

it's not like I'm in the know. I wouldn't know, so I always just assumed he really was a dumb guy. If there is a movie that I really liked him in, even The Martian, I really, really liked that movie, but he was not the selling point of the movie to me at all. It wasn't like, oh man,

Matt Damon's performance was just stellar. It was good but he he did not steal the show for me i liked mcconaughey better in interstellar i liked his performance better and i might have even enjoyed that movie more i don't know uh it some movies are really good on a re-watching uh the martian was one of them i liked the martian the second time through even though i know what's gonna happen it's still suspenseful when he like iron man gloves his way through space and he gets all squirrely and they're like i that that one scene where you see them like you know she's they're spinning with a rope and i'm thinking you're they're building the centrifugal force as they

spin and you're like oh no for us we were okay but now they're in my head i'm like that's a lot of centrifugal force if they let go he's just flung out into space and there's no way to get him back space is such a scary fucking concept and the idea of being weightlessness of being weightless like at first you think that's a cool thing like yeah i'll float but no no like there's nothing to hold you down anymore all it takes now is somebody to fucking deck you and you just go. Unless you've got some sort of jetpack that doesn't exist. I think NASA should fund more missions to Jupiter.

Maybe SpaceX could help out. Is this what happens when I'm gone? Private corporations will never be able to explore the solar system on such a grand scale. Yeah, we've been doing this for the last six minutes. I don't believe you. No, of course not.

Even we couldn't enjoy it for that long. Anyway, we were just talking about The Martian and matt damon and how that movie was great but he did not steal the show for me um at all but really anyway i enjoyed it the book with the book slash script was written with a certain like sarcasticness to it and i thought matt damon did it justice like the line about being a space pirate is that what it was yes but it wasn't space pirate it was like international maritime space pirate or something like that and i was like ah it's kind of cool when i was reading it i pictured more like edward norton playing that part um maybe that's because i really really have you ever seen moon yes moon with edward norton where

he's basically i won't give anything away because that's one that i recommend highly to everyone but he was incredible and moon um and i don't know maybe it's just my that space bias is that i have now like he replaces himself every six months or something like that uh it was not am i on the right track it's kind of like the right track ish but i don't want to give anything else away but yeah you're thinking of the right movie where he's up there in the space station and he's in charge of like uh excavating different areas of the moon and researching things and keeping track of samples and you know speaking back to his family on earth and whatnot but i've read that ed norton's a real dick and he's hard to work with.

I've read that several times, yeah. I don't really mind. Which is why he would be good for a movie like The Martian, because, you know, they just... No one has to interact with this motherfucker. He's just out there on his own the whole time. I like him a lot as an actor, too. So it kind of feels like he was the original hulk

you know the marvel had him as the hulk but he couldn't play nice so they stick mark ruffalo in there who is at least as good of an actor which is really saying something because i think a lot of ed norton but ruffalo does a really good job and and and i like him in that role now i guess it's his yeah i don't know enough about Ruffalo, his other stuff, to know how much I like him, because I've only really seen him when he's the Hulk. What else is he in? What's another big movie Mark Ruffalo's in? I don't think I could name off the top of my head, but I've seen him before.

Yeah, I liked Ed Norton in American History X, Moon. Man, even now looking back at American History X when he played an actual white supremacist, still not as bad as J.K. Simmons and Oz. Not even close. No, no. J.K. Simmons is

fucking terrifying. Oh, I wanted to talk about this. Did you notice how bulked up J.K. Simmons got between season two and six? Yeah. J.K. Simmons has a beer belt like he's an overweight late 40s early 50s man and in the in the first it's like in the second season definitely by the end he looks like an aryan like he looks like fucking aryan brotherhood he is bulked up like like he's got his arms are. His arms are big. He's benching 235

over there for reps. He's gotten big and legitimately intimidating. Because at first, I was like, I think I might be able to beat up J.K. Simmons, especially if I catch him off guard. I can knock this guy the fuck out. And then I start seeing,

by the end, he's over there, just spot me, fucking pussy. And I'm just like, Jesus, he got huge. It happened out of nowhere. I just noticed it all of a sudden, and he was big. I've been watching Oz. I missed some of the details because I, like, watch it as I fall asleep. But I don't know.

It's a hard show to watch. I don't recommend it. I do. I mean, I do, literally, but I don't think that anyone who wants to enjoy a show should watch it unless you really are going to enjoy its chaos and its violence and its gore at its core. There's other stuff going on, but there's a lot of chaos and there's a lot of violence, and it's very unpredictable. I'm almost done.

I've literally got 30 minutes left in the whole thing. I'm on the last episode, 30 minutes to go, and I had to go to sleep last night because I had to be up early this morning. You know what you should watch, Kyle? The Walking Dead, when you weren't looking, got good. I heard. It has all the action. And the last season – so the Walking Dead fan base hated the way the last season ended i loved it i wish was it a cliffhanger it was a cliffhanger and typically at the end of walking

dead there's like a resolution like there's a resolution to a storyline like oh the governor this or something that and then and then there's still like a hint of like yeah the the scenario that sets up next season like they find the prison or yep they you know that sort of thing that's a really good example or i i yeah whatever like i don't want to do any spoilers i don't know how far behind you are but yeah there's one for example where they find the prison and you're like oh what a neat place to survive a zombie apocalypse you can kind of of lock yourself in, what's safe, what's not, how many zombies are in that prison. It's cool.

But it got good. All the problems of not enough action, no zombies, inconsistency with the zombie threat, that kind of gets wiped out. And the zombie threat becomes real consistent. And mostly now people it's other humans right yeah and zombies are you that's what i always say is like an obstacle a barrier a booby trap you know that's that's how zombies are and uh the way that the most recent season left off has me excited it's about two months away that we'll have the first episode of this season

and you can have a scenario like that like your biggest threat is other people who are unaffected like that's the scariest thing this planet's ever made yeah so like we're gonna find out the answer to the cliffhanger in the last season and the last season's cliffhanger that episode it might be extra long oh my god it was like the scariest thing since i've seen as a kid watching the ducky boys you know come down on that it in uh the wanderers it was so frightening they're they're running from them and every time like if they're a little deeper they're a little deeper and you just realize like the kind of trouble they're in and it they lay it is good the walking dead keeps getting better every season and what's about to start awesome so i think i left off

around the time it was the season where andrea died and we're dealing with the governor and then at the end of that season um you know the governor's attack fails and then he sort of turns on his own men and shoots a few of them. And then that was the last season I've seen. I don't want to watch the next season after that, which I think is like season four or five. I think it's season four. I'm going to skip season four entirely because I think it involves more of the same, more of them fucking like the governor I know is in it. I think they like go to where the governor is and like follow his storyline. I don them fucking like the governor i know is in it i think they like go to

where the governor is and like follow his storyline i don't care about the governor i hate listening to his fake southern accent i hate watching him on the screen it's disgusting like there are no people like him in existence i didn't like his character so i think i'll jump right in at like maybe watch season four episode you know 99 you know the episode the the season finale of season four so i know where we're leaving off on and then jump in and at the beginning of season i'm sorry i said that wrong uh maybe watch the season finale of uh the last season that i didn't watch and then skip that season and go straight to four or five or whatever the good one is i think five is supposed to be the good one, right? Five is definitely good.

Six is even better. Cool. And I'm trying to think. I want to say, yeah, three, the one you left off on, I can see why it would inspire you to stop watching. I feel like four gets better, five gets better than that, six gets better than that. Yeah, season two was the worst.

And season three was barely any better. And then around that time also, I started learning more about what A&E had done to the show creators and the original producers and stuff. And that really soured me against A&E. So I just haven't went back to it. But I need something to watch now because Oz is going to get wrapped up.

You seem to consume a lot of entertainment. I would just get four so you don't have any holes. Just do it. I don't like watching stuff that I don't enjoy. I really don't. I find bad TV to be like bad food. I don't want to consume it. You eat Taco Bell

every other day I'm going to eat it tonight when I said bad food I mean bad tasting food not bad for you that's one thing of course yeah I guess maybe a week or two ago my family kind of like let's all get fitter

and one of the things I've been disciplined about is no more night time food I didn't eat today though so about is no more nighttime food. That's the hardest thing. I didn't eat today, though, so there was no daytime food today, so I gotta do something. I'm bad about that, too. I never eat breakfast

because I'm never hungry in the morning. And then usually, if I do take a lunch, I'll just go between 1 and 2 or something, or 1 and three anytime. And by that time, like I'm not hungry for normal dinner,

you know, cause I ate a little bit too late and then I get home and I want to have dinner, but I don't. And then I ended up eating dinner at like nine 30 at night. And it's like, well, this whole day was fucking shot.

What am I doing? Like, why, why eat this late? Not me. So I'm like, I don't snack at night. By the time I wake up in the morning,

I'm fucking famished. I'm like, oh, my God, I made it to morning. Give me some content food. And then I'll eat breakfast and usually by lunch, whatever, I'll have a lunch. And that gap from like a noon lunch to like a six or today's dinner was at seven. No, it must have been at 630 because it was before the show. And I was like, yeah, that six and a half've been at six 30 cause it was before the show. And, uh,

I was like, yeah, that's six and a half hour gap with no food. I was ready for dinner. I was really ready for food. It's like a cheat code with my body. Cause as far as I can remember, like if I go to bed, just so hungry,

I will wake up not hungry at all. Like I just, I don't like to eat after like within the first couple hours after i get up which is bad for you nauseous you're not supposed to do that but i just as long as i can remember even back to like being borderline a kid like i don't eat breakfast i just it makes my stomach hurt to eat in the morning yeah same yeah i literally i get nauseous if i if i eat and like it'll be one of those things where like if you're sick and you're trying to like eat soda crackers or something like that's what it feels like when I'm eating

breakfast I'm just like ah I guess I'll like pick at this part and like drink a little juice but like the idea of filling my stomach right now is just disgusting I just like I got like a bagel from bread co this past week and tried to eat like part of it for breakfast got

like maybe like a third of the way through the top smaller part and was just like oh i just feel like shit i don't know if that's because this is a bagel and not a great way to start the day or just uh yeah i always my stomach is always upset if i which is weird because what i do every morning is drink a big energy drink which is is definitely not a zero calorie energy energy drink so i'm not giving myself anything to work with i'm really teasing my body there it's just guarana and that guarana is all you need oh my god i remember oh i was fifth i had to be 14 or 15 because my mom was driving me to a friend's house and energy drinks had just gotten

huge all right like they had just come out like a red bull had just become like a force and i was like i want to get red bulls on the way over because we're going to be playing uh oh god i don't know what the game was we're gonna be playing the new game i guess super smash brothers uh the first one like i want some energy drinks when i go over there and she was like i am not pulling over at a gas station to get you energy drinks and i'm like what but why not it's just something to keep me awake longer so i can play video games with my friends and she was like do you know what they put in that i'm like no energy and she's like uh bat shit and i'm like what they don't put bat shit in there and she's like guano you know what that is that's bat shit in there. And she's like, guano? You know what that is? That's bat shit. And I'm like, it's guarana.

Like, guarana. Like, I know what guano is, too. I've seen Jim Carrey in that movie. Like, I know Pet Detective. I know Ace Ventura. Yeah, Ace Ventura, too. Pet Detective. It was just hilarious to me.

That was like a wall-crumbling moment there of like oh man some of these adults don't know they are not as on point as i thought about common things like like as if like a big industry could sneak bat shit into their beverages and just be like shush shush shush like don't mention it yeah that's made of bat shit right yeah but i just get such a buzz it's all the akai berries those bats are eating Yeah, that's made of bat shit, right? Yeah, but I just get such a buzz. It's all the Akai berries those bats are eating. Isn't that what was it? These, like, pyramid scheme berry juice you were selling?

Akai berries or something? Yeah, that's like the standard pyramid scheme berry juice, those companies. Have you ever known anyone who got involved in a pyramid scheme? Yes. Yes. Some girls are easily led astray by promises

of quick riches on the internet or through some charismatic individual who will show up in a pink Cadillac and tell you about how all you got to do is sell lipstick door to door and you'll be Mary Kay National Sales Woman of the Year or some crazy shit like

that. So yeah, I've known two or three ladies who either got sucked into something like a complete Nigerian print scheme. I know that's happened. Or selling Mary Kay or Amway or some bullshit like that. So yeah, I've known lots

of people who were parts of it. And when I was selling cars, like, oh my god. The guy thought that the car dealership was the greatest place to what do they call it? I can't think. Network? The greatest place to network.

He was from not Somalia, not Nigeria. He was from Haiti. Yeah, this Haitian motherfucker was always trying to sell us Amway constantly. He'd sell you a Ford Focus and some Amway.

He's always trying to tack that on. You know what you're going to need when you're driving around in your brand new Ford Fiesta? You're going to need some juice. And some toothpaste. To keep yourself hydrated. You'll be dehydrated from the excitement of that top speed. 48. Everyone who comes to the door has disposable income.

I was like, yeah, I guess, but that doesn't mean what you're doing is right like like i mean muhammad over there steals fucking pins and takes more hot wings than he's supposed to we ran on that too like stop this shit steals pens oh i roller you know call duty xp is happening right now no did you really know Kyle or are you just saying yes? Oh, yeah. I wasn't even sure if pro Call of Duty was still a thing. Like is it...

Am I crazy? Has it dropped off? Or has it gone up and I just stopped looking? I think it dropped off when maybe they started using the PlayStation for the MLG stuff. I think that hurt it a lot didn't it wasn't hastro telling us that like i don't know a year ago or something like that it seems like it's much smaller than it used to be to me but i'm on the outside looking in i don't know right

like there was a time when like i remember i hate to even mention it but like keemstar's channel was built on like roster changes and stuff like that like oh my god scumpy's talking about leaving or rambo went here and somebody went there and that was like major news that i cared about you know that a pro player would go from one place to another i don't know if that still exists in certain quarters and i just left it or yeah if it's just not the story that it used to be. I don't know either. I just don't care anymore. I just don't care about black professional gaming. Unless it's Civ.

Now, you break out some sort of a global Civ ladder, I'll be jumping right on board with that. Oh, I could not watch that. Like that, oh my God. I can't watch a turn-based game. If I'm watching a turn-based game, I'm playing. Like golf commentators. All right, all right. Looks like he's going to go with a granary.

Very early on for a granary. You don't see this often in team play, but yes, he's done it. He's clicked, and now we will wait for the turn timer. Oh, the classic third turn settler out before all the rest, walking to the center of the map, trying to set up on that diamond. Let's hope that he can get more before Mongolia steps in. I was looking like Greece is stepping, putting

their foot into the ring, seeing if they can make it there first. My god, this is an exciting event we're watching here. Hundreds, if not thousands of people watching all over the world. I like it. I like watching, like I watch filthies games and uh i i really enjoy them like and they're they're pretty educational too if you're trying to learn a lot of content you know oh you know what they need to do is they need to allow you to build evil

civilizations so you can invest in things like bigotry and racism, nationalism, things like that. Nationalism's a thing. That actually makes sense, because if you're a small city-state in an area like that, you kind of have to be like, come on! Later on, you pick an ideology

and it's either freedom, autocracy, or... Order. Yeah, because I always pick order. Because I've only read one, and it seems like it gives pretty good benefits. Freedom. Freedom's the way to go. If you're the first one to get one, I always pick freedom. But if I'm second, I always pick autocracy,

because I'm going to, like, jew my way into, like, making autocracy the world ideology, and I'll get more benefits, and it'll fuck over the freedom guy. Well, I guess I've been picking the worst one. I just looked at one of the descriptions and it was like, hey, make more money from fucking this. And I thought that was worthwhile.

The game's the best. And autocracy's great if you're fighting. Border's not bad, though. I love that game. We need some sort of a leaderboard, some sort of ladder. Kyle, are you going to make gaming videos again?

I remember... We played... Yeah, we definitely were, but Chiz never got his computer built and was never able to come play with us. Me and Taylor played two games, and both of them ended up...

One of them, he had to take a phone call and he never returned from it. And the other one... The other one, our connection was horrible. Connection went out, yeah. We jumped back into the game like five different times and every time we'd get part of one turn and it would just shit out.

And I didn't... I still want to do a Civ video of one turn and it would just shit out and i didn't like i still want to do a civ video i just knew it would be really boring if the first one we did was my first game because it would be no like joking around and shit it would just be me asking like uh so what explain happiness like oh and what do i do here and what's oh should i go with this or that and it just i wanted to feel a little bit more, like I had some more autonomy before we did anything, so I could kind of chit-chat about whatever while we're playing, you know? Yeah, and Chiz needs to get his damn computer

fixed so we can play some games. He's been, I don't know what he's doing over there. He's running out of excuses. Yeah, I'd like for him to play. I want, I'm down to do a free-for-all with you guys as long as you have, like, an agreement with me. You don't want to do that. See, here's the thing. If we do a free-for-all with you guys as long as you have an agreement. You don't want to do that.

See, here's the thing. If we do a free-for-all with the three of us and maybe three more people, because I never like to play with more than six, the connection gets wonky. Then there's like, I'm not going to attack Chiz, and I'm not going to attack you, so now I've got three targets. It just kind of messes the game up.

I'd rather do team play. Team play is more fun. That sounds like more fun to me, because then we can all... I like doing teams even with the game up. I'd rather do team play. Team play is more fun. That sounds like more fun to me because then we can all... I like doing teams even with the AI games that I'm playing because it really, really ramps up how quick you unlock stuff,

I'm pretty sure. Because if they research horse riding, then you can jump in and research horse riding with them and it doubles the speed, it seems. Or they can be researching horse riding while you're researching sailing or whatever the hell.

Yeah, that's right. Yeah, you're sharing your technologies. Yeah. Yeah, I like it. I'm enjoying that game. You guys want to wrap? Yeah. I'm just thinking,

I haven't played that game in a long time, but when I did, we did a team against Kyle. Kyle and Chiz versus me and Monkey Dragon. Sour? I think it was Monkey Dragon. Is that his name? Monkey Dragon?

Monkey? I don't remember. Something like that. Yeah. And that was glorious. Yeah, we lost that one. Yeah, but you guys had that. You guys were like, oh, my spawn sucks.

And it's like, yeah, you know what? We all have excuses. And then I saw how bad your spawn was, and it was like, oh. It was my fault, honestly. I attacked him, and it was the first game I had really used the English longbows, and I didn't understand exactly how the mechanic worked. And he picked me up. I just didn't attack with enough i thought i had enough army and i

stopped building army i remember i remember every bit of that game because i lost it and it was upsetting uh the english longbow shoots an extra space more than uh crossbows do it's the it's the english replacement for the crossbow it's so awesome and then we played again but that one to me like it didn't count you know me like when when i don't want to play civ yet you force me into it it's like oh and you had and i i promise you this i remember exactly what happened you had our a game we were like all right motherfucker that's it let's fucking straighten up fucking get your shit turned on right let's fucking play like we yeah we're serious after that we were unhappy that

that first game went back my a game i didn't give a fuck the faster you won the more i won too you know because it's late it's like midnight and they're like let's run it back really really the faster i lose the better i. They're like watching Woody's Civilization like, hmm, all the Babylonian soldiers seem to be swimming into the sea. They're all hanging out on the edge of the map. I didn't give a fuck. Like attacking with settlers or something.

I don't know. I didn't care at all. I just wanted to lose. Pillaging their own fields. Mind game. But yeah, we won the first one and that's what I was all about. It was great. Anyway, PKA.

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