Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #300

Episode Date: September 24, 2016

This week on PKA, the infamous Harley from Epic Meal Time returns and they talk about Shoenice, hypothetical time travel strategies, best horror movies and companies the guys all hate.

Painkiller already, episode 300, with Harley the Sauce Boss as our guest. Kyle? Yeah, got a few sponsors tonight. Blue Apron, Movement Watches, and Dollar Shave Club. We'll talk more about each of them later on in the show. There's links down in the description for them right now, but yeah, let's talk to Harley. Harley, you're looking buff. God damn it, Harley.

Fuckable, some might say. 300, baby. 300. What was the first one I was on? I feel like I ask this every fucking time. I don't know. It would have to be near 100, right? Is it possible it was like 68?

Maybe. That would be like five years ago. That's kind of when it was. It's got to be around there. Well, what a trip. I was so excited. It was like, Kyle knows harley and we're getting an incredible guest it was a it was a really big deal like kyle's connections are awesome

and then like fast forward a year and we're all like fuck faced and uh we're all wasted in uh in vermont at uh killing where were we i don't know where we were snowy streets at night was like knocking on strangers' doors was probably like the dumbest thing. Yeah, I watched you guys do that. I did not participate in that. Especially in Vermont. Vermont is one of those states where like if you shoot someone on your property,

they enter you in a raffle. They don't even begin to research it. It's like, no, you defended your rights. That's those Appalachian folk almost up there, a a little weird i had a subscriber show up to my door this week how did that happen what what how did you how did they find out where you were it's not hard to find out where i am i uh for one is i don't hide it because it's very difficult for me to hide it you probably don't watch my channel but I have these day in the life vlogs. And people found out my address and published it on Reddit and such before I even bought the house.

I just gave some specifics like, oh, yeah, it's in the Raleigh area and has more than 10 acres. And they narrowed it down to the house. Isn't that so funny that people do that? I've gotten like packages of bacon left on my doorstep and like letters and i've always been like why leave me a pack of bacon of all i regularly get packages people buy me some cool shit like i'm kind of into knives like and i'll pretend to be like a real aficionado or anything but i like them more than most and they i get knives all the time i got a wind meter because i'm learning to fly or I've learned to fly and it measures wind speed.

I just got something recently. Oh, a cup. Like an Arctic cup. It keeps things cold. Like a replacement for – Oh, you put it in the freezer? It's like a frozen mug? No.

I could go down and get it. Get it. Okay. It's a big steel insulated thermos. It's a Yeti competitor. Don't quote me on this because i got it from a sub but he said that the founders of yeti kind of like broke up and separated and formed competing companies and arctic is one of them and he sent me this arctic cup i've only had it two days but it still has i've had it three days and it still has the original ice cubes i put in it

like i i filled it with ice i feel the kind of technology is this black magic i guess like how do ice cubes last three days but the cold water is part of what's good but i think what i appreciated even more compared to like a nalgene bottle is that it doesn't sweat so i can leave it on like a counter or a wooden desk for days and it doesn't make that ring at the bottom of it i do like that i do like that a lot um i go through like 15 nalgene's like i just lose them constantly leave them places all the time on the opposite i've had every nalgene bottle that i drink from i've had for over a decade running it over with my truck yeah i mentioned it because i my son has a couple but they're not mine well they're all mine i guess but they're not the ones for now gene like

when those got big years ago where they were like look at this new bottle you could throw it at concrete walls and run over it with your truck and it's like yeah but will i remember where i put it down no and i'm gonna have to buy a fucking other one another one of these 30 water bottles like and i just ended up switching over to one of these totally normal, like, $4, same shit. Like, if this gets run over by a truck, I deserve to have to buy a new one because I wasn't paying attention. Do you see this? This is why this one's the realest shit right here. This one's the realest shit because it's got the little sucky straw.

Okay. And you can open it up, and then inside you can put ice cubes. And it has, like, a rod that I took out just to fill more water and the rod is like you freeze the rod and then it's like an ice cube that stays like cold for you know a while and it doesn't water down your drink

your magical goblet that you got I'd love to see it I like that oh god he's going to die we gotta see this Nalgene bottle do you think it'll be any different from one that I'd love to see it. I like that. Oh, God. He's going to hate it. Oh, yeah. We got to see this Nalgene bottle. Do you think it'll be any different from one that I'm doing right now? Oh, my God.

If it doesn't have an LED screen, is anybody going to care? I was actually hoping for an LED screen. And, like, I want, like, a temperature reader. If it doesn't go, your beverage is ready, sir, then I don't fucking want to see it. If it's got a breatizer on it or something. I want it to have a video feed, a live video feed of inside. So this is my Magic Arctic Cup. Oh, that's a mug, a thermos.

Oh, but the top is just see-through plastic. But okay, a thermos. He got me a thermos then. I think it's just metal. It's a steel tumbler. It's like there's a couple layers. What kind of alloy is it made of yeah yeah it's steel it's a steel aluminized alloy i believe it says stainless steel

anywhere on there i you guys are clearly mocking me but the fact is that the ice lasted in here for days and it doesn't sweat and i like that about it what i don't like about it is and it doesn't sweat and I like that about it. What I don't like about it is this circumference is too large and if I drink quickly, I dribble it down my shirt. That's a horrible flaw. Yeah. She responds to that.

She's right, there's that. I don't know how we got on the thermos talk. It's really not that great a topic. Let's wrap it, I think. But I wanna go back to Harley working out. So when did you make a decision to start working out when did you get serious about it and and you look like you're in great shape how long have you been working out i i made the decision to uh like i think like on

epic real time one point i was like 287 pounds and i was like yo should i push to 300 how many people get to be 300 pounds and get to like run and jump still and like dress themselves and get out of bed. And I was like, I should do that. And I asked around and everyone's like, nah, that's a horrible idea. You shouldn't do that. And at that moment, I made the decision to make a life change at that moment. That was like four years ago. I didn't act on it until like a year and a half ago but the important part is that like there was a lot of false starts there was a lot of times I was like this is it baby Monday Monday and I'm like okay I went way too hard on the

weekend Monday is not happening like it and like think about it like epic meal time every time I'm every day like of the week there's delicious ingredients around you and you're, like, constantly tempted. And, yeah, I think I just started – I didn't, like, have, like, a goal or anything. I was just like, you know, I should just start going to the gym and, like, lifting again. And, like, I used to do it when I was younger, and so I started doing it. I started getting my – prepping my meals for monday to friday so i'd have like you know just tons of chicken cooked beef um fish and then like some sweet potatoes on the side and some vegetables and i just ate that for like literally like a year and a half lunch and dinner other than

when we filmed epic meals and uh and just yeah out. I didn't even do cardio or anything. Now I'm like 240 pounds. Nice. How tall are you? 6'6". Right. Yeah, and I can get erections again. Was that actually impacted by threatening 300?

I don't know. I just couldn't see it. So I don't know if it was happening. I didn't feel anything below my waist when I was like, like 300 pounds. Like, um, yeah.

And I just bought a gym. Actually. I have like a membership in a gym nearby, but I just, I like put in my garage, like a, like a bench press squat rack, Smith machine,

some weights. I don't know. It's fun. I feel like it makes sense. If you're going to be like constantly eating epic meals, you might as well just grow. I don't know. Muscles Glasses had it figured out from the beginning.

How is he? Yeah, he did. He went back to school, right? Yeah, he went back to school. And then he started his own YouTube show. Did you ever see it? No. No.

I didn't know he did. Oh, gosh. Oh, you're throwing stones. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. We've actually spoke a couple times. I'm pretty sure he's a vegetarian these days. That's what the rumor is.

Oh, that's kind of depressing. Were there ever hard feelings, or was it never like that oh yeah for sure man like at the beginning like and like throughout there was like constant like like things from like legal battles to like little vicious bitch fights like seriously like on both ends of the spectrum like you're we were like uh some of us were like 31 some of us were like 31, some of us were 22, and everyone would just come together to do the show, and you're like a band almost. And we all acted 22, right?

Yeah, exactly. And it was just like a band. So people got at each other's necks and stuff, and then when you throw in money and fame or whatever, and then people just start going, people start just getting crazy. And workload. Yeah. On the surface. Why can't I just be like,

what's that? And workload, right? Because on the surface, something like Epic Mealtime looks like a bunch of guys just having a great time. But in the background, there's planning and travel and filming. Well,

that's the thing. There was like 80, 80, like 80% of the guys were like literally just chilling having a good time and like other people were pulling the weight and that's where like you know dissension amongst everyone comes from it's like people be oh i'm doing more than this guy or it's like oh but i have more twitter followers so it got like things got like petty you know everyone was so young sometimes i was just like man why can't i just fucking shoot flamethrowers by myself in the fields why can't that be my channel so was that part of the problem was with muscles glasses

that he thought he was bringing away bigger value than you know i wouldn't say i'm not i'm not uh singling him out specifically or anyone specifically you know we all had our egos if anyone had ego it was it was definitely me throughout the whole thing you know um but it was just like um different expectations the thing about me is you know i always wanted to start a production company i always put the money back into the production company i stayed living at home i wasn't even cutting myself a salary and i was paying everyone i was doing it because i was like you know acting and making movies has always been my dream. That's what I want to do. And now I have like this launch pad.

So I'm going to use that to do whatever I want, create whatever short or TV show or anything or whatever I want. I could be doing what I want. And that's in film production. And no one else really had those dreams specifically. Maybe they thought of it here and there, but no one really actively seeked it out so when I got it you know I reinvested back into the company where I think people's expectations granted everyone was young and not everyone had like real jobs

at any point in their life they kind of just wanted to break it up like six ways and go to Vegas and die on cocaine you know that doesn't sound like fun different guys like different parts of the show. Who can you say? To me, epic mealtime was always the Harley show.

That's what I was into. I'm not just kissing your ass. I was talking to someone else. I was legit shocked that he cared about the food. I was like, the meal? That was the draw for him. He really wanted to know what you were going to make this week. For him, it was about the project.

For me, I wanted to know what you said you were going to eat the following week. Because it would always be like, next week we eat the future. Or some insane delivered line. That is the kind of shit that I watched the show. Yeah, camera time became a thing too. Depending on who would be on camera the most. It would reflect on followers and things like that and popularity. And yeah, like, you know, that was a thing that like a lot of people, because I, you know, kind of pretty much consume the camera most of the time, a lot of people would kind of be like, oh, it's just, you know, it's just Harley anyways. And that would get in people's heads also be like, oh, at any moment,ley could just leave and then what are we gonna do or you know it was it got like to places now epic mealtime so interesting at least to me i love it there was a point like you know probably at my fattest where i kind of resented the character

and the show for a brief period of time um until i was like wait a second this is the sickest job of all time now epic mealtime is kind of like the content content that I like doing for it is stuff where the cameras keep rolling and it's just like those moments where like this is still a real job. Like, you know, regardless if people think like it's as quality as it was then as it is now or whatever, or if the views don't reflect because it's not such a novelty anymore. Like this is still the real job it's still like you know like almost six years now like since putting up a freaking youtube video uh putting up a youtube video and now just like literally like i actually have a bacon sponsor like i have a bacon freezer like you know i i love playing video games i love playing video games and my only goal was like, I'm like, I hope I have enough money to buy whatever video games I want when I'm older. And now I have that.

That's all I wanted. And I'm like, now I do have that. I could even buy a personal gaming computer of all things, like the most expensive thing for a gamer to get. And any game on it. And the sad thing is, like, I don't have the time to play these games, though. game on and the sad thing is like i don't have the time to play these games though but i pay a guy monday to friday to stream on my gaming channel like from 10 a.m to 6 p.m original gamer show and like this guy mike he's in my basement every day and like i don't have time to play games and the goal was to just like have enough time to play games but i have enough money to pay a guy to be

in my basement streaming like what a freaking weird like if i knew in high school that like at 22 there was a guy in my city that will pay you to play games streaming live in the basement i'd be like he's teacher i'm out of here bitch that you know like i like yeah so it's just weird life weird life and it's still going on six years later you don't have time but you own own your time, which to me is the coolest thing about the YouTube life, right? Of all the things money can buy, it's time that is the most awesome. The fact that if you did want to split this afternoon and do your own thing, you could because you own your schedule. You own your time.

That's an excellent point. I can still remember the early Epic Mealtime one. It must have been when you were, like you were saying, almost 300 and watching it. And I didn't know you very well. I think we'd maybe not even ever spoken. And just watching and being like, man, this guy is going to have some heart problems. And he's going to come back and be 15 pounds heavier every month until he's with a sleep apnea machine on and doing that Newt Gingrich throat waggle. Until I get rolled in on those scooters

that people use at Walmart when they're too fat. Yeah, a rascal. You'd be sitting there with a bottle of Jack in your hand and sitting in a rascal. And it's good to see you didn't take that path. I thought it was going to be more of a shoe line progression. Or not shoe line, shoe nice, if you've ever watched that guy. Oh, yeah.

You mentioned him before. He, I did not expect to ever take control of his health i continued him to to barrel down that path of alcoholism uh where he still seems to be like eating styrofoam every so often or whatever he does but yeah he i actually got on the phone with him once back in the day when like i don't know if you guys remember you guys got part of the craze but like you know influencers youtube producers whatever we're like oh my god we got to start our own networks you know i don't know kyle if you're ever like oh i gotta get like 15 kids shooting guns and upload it to my channel and just have content you know i was like oh you know what i should go find like epic people in the food world and like you know i reached out to swedish meal time and uh i'll never forget reaching out to shoenice was so freaking weird do you have your own network no no no i like about

halfway through that's what we were talking about before like i'm like wait this isn't what i want like i actually didn't get into it to get rich and be famous that was never the point the point was that like i would rather just joke around on set you know with my buddies coming up with goofy things and filming it and editing it i love editing and like laughing about it like that's what i want to do that's the job it was never like oh i want to i'm going to be on tv because then i'll be a famous star you know what i mean i so it was it just wasn't the goal shoe nice was genuinely insane though and i guess he still is the last time i went to his channel it seemed like he was homeless and like looking for some like donations from fans so that he could like get a bottle

so that he could drink it for a challenge it was like before i abandoned the idea of doing a network before i was like wait a second this isn't what I want to do. I had called him up and he was like, it's just so strange. Like it was like, like there was a woman yelling at him and he was yelling back. And then like the phone just hung up. Yeah. And then the phone just hung up and then like it called back like a minute later and i was like hello and i literally heard him it was i knew it was him he was like what up i was like

oh different guy i'm like hey uh shoe nice and he was like what up i was like yeah blah blah blah i was like giving him the whole thing and then this girl comes in this woman starts yelling again phone hangs up i call back numbers disconnected like uh he hits me up on twitter to to call him again i was just like well that was wild and if you watch his videos yeah it looks like he's bouncing around couches or something i'm not sure there was a brief period of time where he was training to beat me up i don't know if you guys remember that didn't go well it never happened i was like oh, oh my god, I'm like, he might, like, if he does fight me, like, I could probably kill him.

But he might die just training. Yeah, he, like, I thought for the longest time, because I watched his channel when it was exploding off the start, when he was just guzzling bottles of vodka and shit, and I really thought, yeah, I was just thinking, like, man, this guy's a really

good performer. How's he, like, keeping that down and not showing his face? Because he would actually lift it up and show it. And it wasn't until he made videos of, like, I'll do another video of drinking. If one of you will send me a bottle of Patron that I'm like, oh, this is an actual alcoholic streaming himself drinking for money. He doesn't even have enough to buy a bottle to drink quickly on camera to make money for more alcohol. Thank y'all. Yeah, thank you. Thank y'all.

We actually said that for like a year, like just behind the scenes, that big meal time. Pass that right there and someone passes it like, thank y'all. I ran the math on his channel. He should be making about $50,000 a year based on his views and CPM, I'm guessing. So he shouldn't be homeless. I don't know if he monetized a lot of that, Matt. No, you know what?

I actually saw one time he – I don't know if it was in a vlog or someone else's channel. He was like, oh, I don't have any money. I need money. And he took – he was like, can I borrow your phone to upload a video? He needed money, so he needed to upload a video, like, because then it'll get AdSense on it. It was like, oh, I need to upload right now. Like, I'm on empty.

And so, like, yeah. He really didn't have a lot of foresight then in the money-making. It was like, you know, paycheck-to-paycheck YouTuber of like, fuck, I'm out. Hey, guys, the shoe guy's here. I'm going to, I don't know what's nearby. I'm going this i'm gonna eat this today it's an old paper plate just leave a like i remember when he was at his peak because we were all in chicago with that paintball thing and and i was like look at this shit and and like it was me and you and trevor and a bunch of people

and and it was just shocking to see the things he was doing and they were like maybe 15 good videos on his channel that you could just watch one after another after another. And they all had like 150,000 to 300,000 views. And they were growing. Because each one was more awful and scary and ridiculous than the next. If you're out there and you've never seen a shoe knife, yeah. The guy would like, you know, he's like, I'm going to eat the birthday cake. But candles and all. And, yeah, they're lit.

You know, it got ridiculous. He'd eat like a caulking I'm going to eat the birthday cake, but candles and all. And, yeah, they're lit. You know, just it got ridiculous. He's like a caulking gun. He would eat the whole thing of caulk. That was disgusting. The way that he would like dump the alcohol in his mouth and like hold his throat and like massage it down. And the way, you know how he would like stop and say. That was all just pageantry, though. He didn't need to do that.

Really? Really? Maybe just showmanship? I think so. That's my though. He didn't need to do that. Really? Really? That was just showmanship? I think so. That's my theory. I don't know. Maybe just because he's such an alcoholic or drinks a ton that he can just guzzle it down like that. But I don't even feel like the most intense person who drinks all day every day could just guzzle down absinthe or whatever the hell like that.

He drinks alcohol that would kill most people, right? Like a whole fifth of vodka. I think I've seen him drink rubbing alcohol. Yeah, I think I saw that too. Does that even get you drunk? Oh yeah. But crazier than the alcohol is the caulking gun in my opinion.

Oh yeah. Imagine what that does to shit it out. What's it come out like what's it come on? Yeah, what is it still gooey or is it formed a long like solid turd that he has to like you were Accolades it's like dog choose eats a sock ah You want to pull it but you should I you know what he should have put the poop video up on his channel Okay, I'm just aren't you wondering what happened to that cock?

A hundred percent he should have. His cock in poop form. It was awful. And the alcohol just seemed dangerous. But when he would eat things that just weren't food. Like, I'm going to eat a whole box of light bulbs now. Hapons. Ice cream. I mean, not ice cream. That's pretty good.

Cigarettes. Lit cigarettes. Yeah, that was just... That was disgusting ice cream, that's pretty good. Cigarettes, lit cigarettes. Yeah, that was just... That was disgusting. Oh, a whole roll of toilet paper. I remember that one. Yeah, that was awful. It doesn't seem as bad as a lot of the other ones, because as long as you eat it kind of slowly,

it seems like you could get through with that. Like, it wouldn't be fun, but I would much rather do that than eat a bunch of tampons or caulk. Can you imagine the dry mouth from eating a fucking box of tampons? I wonder how big it swells in your belly. Like, does a tampon, like, form a mattress or something once it gets inside your stomach?

Yeah, yeah. That's the thing. You got to get it good and moisturized in your mouth before you swallow it, because if that thing swells up in your throat, you're a goner. It just seems like so the type of thing to get stuck in your intestine yeah it does because those things spread out i don't know if you've ever been walking down the street and seen one laying there all full up and used but uh i have and you look at those you're like wow that is really they're not lying on the commercials that Welcome to St. Louis. Yeah. What did Kyle say? Welcome to Staples?

St. Louis. Oh, St. Louis. Thank you. Yeah, that makes more sense. Yeah, not Staples. I haven't seen a used tampon on the streets of anywhere, and I've been in just rough places. Are you serious?

I've seen one. I sound like it was a habit thing, but it was not a good area. Was it bloody? Or was it just a discarded tampon? Or was it a used tampon? There's a difference. It was used. I didn't go up and inspect it because that's revolting, but I definitely... I would have to imagine pennies.

Was it salty? Yeah. Probably tasted like a handful of beer. In the 1980s in New Jersey right not anymore it's not true but they used to dump the trash out in the ocean all the time New York City

dumped the trash in the ocean parts of New Jersey would dump their trash in the ocean it was just what they did with trash so and I don't even know if these are a thing anymore but like the plastic tampon applicator are you guys familiar with that thing that fucking thing was like the thing anymore, but like the plastic tampon applicator. Are you guys familiar with that thing? That fucking thing was like the New Jersey seashell.

Like the whole beach was just covered. Like the plastic tampon applicators would rush in. And, you know, I couldn't go surfing without stepping on three tampon applicators on the New Jersey beach back in the 80s. That's disgusting. What's a New Jersey beach? It's better now. What is it? New Jersey Beach. It's a plastic tampon application storage facility.

I don't understand. It's in New Jersey? Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah. Ocean City, New Jersey is where I grew up. It's on the southern tip of New Jersey. When I was younger, my family used to go to Atlantic City and leave me in the hotel room while they gambled. Nice.

Yeah, so I'm about 15 minutes south of that. Yeah, and then we used to go there as a family and the beach was pretty cool during the day, but then as we got older, heroin needles would start showing up. Dude. Then the beach got really druggly and stuff and there was

junkies everywhere. When I was was 20 i had a fake id and jackie was a few months older than me my wife was 21 and we went like gambling right and uh this guy kept giving my girlfriend who's now my wife money to like stand next to him and stuff and he's like blow on the dice and he would just feed her like 15 whatever she made like 130 that night just standing next to this guy and i couldn't figure out like where my value system was it was like do i value the money or i'm kind of feeling cucked here right like like here doll blow on these dice and she's like you know and and then he'd roll them and it was craps and uh he just like you know throwing her chips now and then and i i even to this day i'm like i don't know that was worth it he's probably not you're not cuffed as long as you take a cut then you're kind of just like

her money was my manager yeah right i was their manager or speaking of us of him of fake id stories i lost my fake id when i was 20 years old buying cigarettes my fake id because i was leaving to go to a friend's frat party in college and he texted me and was like hey before you get here stop and buy some cigarettes and i was like all right so i stopped and did and went up there and the fake id was just on top of my regular id and i'm like well i've used this before for booze i'll just use it now and so i used it and the guy i guess fucking eagle eyes of mcgillicuddy behind the counter was like this is fake and he was like nah and he's like yes it is do you want me to call the police do you want me to call the police and

i'm like just give it back he's like no no you you'd not not a lot and he said that you wouldn't give it back to me uh said he was going to call the police which of course he wouldn't do and a bunch of police officers in columbia missouri on the zoo's campus aren't going to waste the fucking time to come down and find some guy with a fake id but yeah that was that was fucking disheartening losing a fake id purchasing something I was old enough to get without it. That was a real heart blow. He took it from you? Took it from me, yeah.

Very uncomfortable. And there was someone behind me in line, so that was awful. So then I had to give him my real ID. Yeah, I had to give him my real ID to buy the cigarettes. How many times did you replay that back in your head and be like, shit? Oh, my God. Like, every Thursday. Like, always.

Because it's one of those things where it doesn't matter at all in retrospect. But looking back, it's like, what a stupid little needlessly risky thing to do. Because I was, like, on top of the world of the world with like oh look at this little piece of plastic which looking back like feeling it at least now like all the new ideas like they have that they're Bendy if you guys are from a state that has it to where you can tell a real one you can bend it and touch The corners of it and it won't break whereas some fake ones will break if you try and bend it Which is what they do here sometimes But yeah that fake they gave me it was it was like it was like half a centimeter thick of plastic like not very real feeling but um yeah that was so fucking stupid like like a

sticker on it like like you're a federal agent yeah it was for uh plastic yeah it was for illinois because illinois apparently at the time in like 2009 or i whatever uh was the easiest to fake uh yeah it was just a perfect storm of shit ideas and stupidity so it didn't even pan out we went to a nightclub in florida it was like a big dance club type thing and my friends and i were all talking about our fake id so there's this long line to get in and we're like oh man i hope we don't get in trouble fake ids it turns out they had plants in the line, eavesdropping for people that had fake IDs. And he tells the bouncer

up front, like, hey, when you get to these guys, check their IDs because they're fake. What a snitch. Right? But my ID, while it was fake, it was issued by the DMV. I took my older brother's birth

certificate to the dmv and had like a real so there was no like proving it was fake like it was my picture it was everything but my name and uh on top of that once i got my fake id i got like a fake county id i got a fake library card i had like an expired insurance card I had like a credit card in there I had so much fake shit if they found my body and my wallet I'm Matt Woodworth legal drinker I got like six forms of identification you know that not all of them with pictures and stuff I've got a library card I went to the local public library got a library card just to like add to my list

yeah so we get up there and he's like this is fake I'm like it's not you know prove it and he starts taking apart he's delaminating like 25% of it like it's real like you can't discover anything fake about it we all got in

we passed the test and that's the moment where you turned around you were like you see you guys you all made fun of me for going to get that library card oh yeah i had so much shit i wish i could remember them all but yeah i was loaded up on ids i had a friend of a friend more like an acquaintance is more fair but he got into a scuff one night on campus with another group of guys and they got into like a legit fight they're all wasted both groups of guys late at night up to no good and the cops came and this guy i knew gave the cop his fake id as his uh identification which is way more illegal than doing it trying to get beer

or something like telling a cop, this is who I am, you know, Taylor Stevenson, you know, or whatever it would say. And he gave it to him and the cop didn't notice it because he was trying to book a bunch of people and get all the information down. And so he got booked into jail as someone else. And then the guy who was whose whose idea i or no it's not because it was a fake idea it's because a real id that he got from someone older that's why they didn't catch it now that i'm remembering and the guy whose id it was had to be told like

the next day like hey i know that you're in michigan right now but I got arrested as you last night, and so I just wanted to give you a heads up and let you know, and he had to be like, I mean, this guy was definitely not close friends. I got all this second hand, but apparently he was like, are you shitting me? You got arrested as me? Like, I'm going to have to call and tell him. I'm going to have to tell him how my parents

talked to the cops and be like, hey, my son definitely wasn't there. He's here in Michigan with us, so he definitely my son definitely wasn't there he's uh here in michigan with us so he definitely didn't just stop by he's been here for a few days i have no idea what ever came of that and who got in the most trouble or what happened but that was just crazy that in someone's drunkenness they're like oh just fuck it get this guy in trouble like it's just so shitty i would never i think i remember as a kid the one thing that I did that was just, like, always a dumb thing was, like, speeding. Like, I would drive down streets when I got my license.

Like, I would drive down, like, and I don't know, you could be driving when you're 16 here. I would, like, drive down a buddy's street, like, literally, like, 55 miles, like, on, like, a little residential suburban street just because, like, I'm not even thinking. Like, just not ever, like even thinking. Just not ever thinking. It was just so many dumb things like that when I was younger I remember doing. I didn't even drink really with my fake ID. I just didn't like being excluded from places. I liked the bar atmosphere.

I liked the casino. I wanted to go to the floor and be the places I couldn't be. I'm not drinking. I feel like you were really mature for your age though. You know, it came and went. Sometimes I was mature. Sometimes I'm not drinking. I feel like you were really mature for your age though. You know, it came and went. Sometimes I was mature, sometimes I was a total idiot. But yeah,

what I was is I was athletic. Like I swam in college and I swam in high school and my body was my temple and I just took really good care of it. And that's why I didn't drink. Seems really silly to get a fake ID if you're going to show up at bars and be like, oh, none for me. Because you could have just – so you could get a $5 cover to just show up.

I get it. When I had a fake ID and I was getting in places, like I didn't even have the money to get drunk at the club. Like I could buy like one drink. So it was just about being there. It was about being in a club places really cheap drinks places that played music wait strip clubs have cheap drinks strip clubs have cheaper drinks because they want you to spend more money on the dancers a lot i thought i thought strip clubs well here at least they have really expensive drinks welcome to st louis so i've got Welcome to St. Louis. So we went to a strip club one time, and in that particular one, if you were 18, 19, or 20, you could come in, but you couldn't drink.

So they would stamp your hand with this lame-ass stamp that would show up under the lights that were everywhere in the club. And so we're sitting there drinking a Coke or whatever, and I'm like, this is such bullshit. We need alcohol to enjoy this experience and then the guy next to me gets up and walks away and and like leaves like he drops his money but his alcohol is there and no no i'm not gonna drink his okay that's disgusting but what i did do is i got a little alcohol and i washed the stamp off immediately it dissolved it was like huh well alright then. I'm 21 over here. That's such a stupid system. Why would they not give you a custom stamp? No, they should do it the other way. If you drink,

you get the stamp. Yeah, that's the smart way. Then you would have had to go to that guy and somehow press the back of your hand on the back of his hand. Yeah. But that's the sort of gang sign that i'm not aware of so i end up in the pigeon boys dude when i was when i was like 18 or

something like that this girl wanted like my stamp right so she takes my hand licks the back of it and then puts it on hers and i'm like she totally likes me she didn't like me at all she wanted my stamp right she really liked your stamp yeah but like the she's licking the back of my hand it was like the sexiest fucking thing that perhaps had happened in my life thus far i wouldn't i wouldn't have thought like oh my god she likes me i would have been like oh my god she's willing to have sex with anyone tonight and and it might be me. You're probably smarter. No, I thought she was into me because she licked my hand. But once she got my stamp, I wasn't attractive anymore. That's why I would have been like, well, she doesn't even know this hand.

She's just out here licking hands. Who knows what else she will lick? Maybe I should hang around. Oh, that thought crossed my mind. But yeah, I wasn't attractive after she was stamped. Hand licker. Not into that. Oh, that thought crossed my mind. But yeah, I just, I wasn't attractive after she was stamped. And liquor. Not into that. I was into just about.

Are you sure you didn't blow it right after the stamp thing? Oh, there's a good chance of that. Are you sure she wasn't like, she like transferred the stamp and you're like, what else could I give you? This dick? I've got a mushroom stamp you can lick. And then she probably walked away uncomfortable. Or whatever you said. I've got a mushroom stamp you can lick and then she probably walked away uncomfortable or whatever you said

anyway sorry bad joke alright quiet hey we've got September AMA questions what good ones do we have because you have to wade through a lot of shit sometimes

I'm kind of curious about this have you ever considered going in the military What good ones do we have? Because you have to wade through a lot of shit sometimes. I'm kind of curious about this. Have you ever considered going in the military? Until I watched one video of what it actually entails, and I was like, ugh, that's a lot of taking instruction from someone that's going to yell at me, and I don't do well in an environment like that. Yeah, it seemed like a good idea at one time, I think, but my dad

suggested that otherwise. Harley? Oh. I mean, no, the thought never crossed my mind. Does Canada have an army, first of all? Yeah, we like put sandbags

and stop floods and stuff. That's what we do. Or like, deploy the sandbags and stop floods and stuff. That's what we do. Or like deploy the sandbags. There's another flood. That's not true. There were lots of Canadians in Iraq. Yeah, yeah. When I was 17, we had a teacher, right?

And this guy had served in Vietnam. And he like sits in front. Like there's a teacher's desk, right? You know, everyone has these like fucking cheesy student desks. But the teacher had like a big rectangle, probably weighed 600 pounds thing. And he sits on it with his legs hanging out in the front, which was a thing that teachers never did. It was just attention grabbing. Now he's sitting on the desk facing the students.

And he held up this big newspaper at the start of the first Iraq war. And it said in giant font, it's war. I know I've told this before. But it was so impressionable on me it was he's like if you're in you know the army or armed forces for any amount of time in this country this is your reality you know even four years it's probably going to be a war and it was like fuck you know so army wasn't just like a job like it meant going to war like i knew that and uh that frightened me a little bit

mostly i wasn't even eligible i damaged my hand in this car accident when i was 17 and i wouldn't be accepted but uh that's the thing i should have been a coast guard rescue swimmer that's what i was wired to do i would have loved that job that sounds like a like a really scary job too actually dude that would love that does seem scary i'm not arresting someone who's drowning like unless you're incredibly good they're gonna drown you yeah i was gonna say how much more often are people drowning as opposed to going to war dude i want them to drown i was i had i went to this like a fly-in like this paramotor thing, and it was on this small peninsula.

So if you go up 1,000 feet, you can see the ocean and you can see the bay at the same time. People like to go over. The number one reason people die in paramotors is not crashing. It's drowning. That's the number one thing that kills people. I was going to say heart disease. I'm driving there daydreaming i'm like i hope one of these fuckers goes down like should i just jump out of my paramotor and

save him from there or should i land and then swim out into the ocean i'm like i'm coming up with my savior plan is like i'm just hoping someone land free from your whole rig and go into a dive i thought about it i was like yeah i do, do I do a somersault out or do I just jump out? I was thinking like Captain America jumping right in, just a serious dive from the top. If you get into some sort of water

related accident near me, you've got a friend. I'm all about that shit. You didn't save Kyle from that turtle. I didn't. But yeah that turtle. I didn't. But yeah, dude, I would – yeah, so I'm still to this day at like 43 years old. I daydream about people drowning near me. I'll pluck your ass right out.

I daydream about stuff like that. That's such a strange fantasy. No, you don't. I was a lifeguard for four years on the ocean, and I had like 130 rescues or something like that. Whoa. Yeah. But I feel like that's just the energy you're bringing around you because you're sitting there posted up on your lifeguard perch,

and you're like, I just want someone to drown. Oh, yeah. I was a bad guard. People splash. Someone just splashes someone else, and you're like fucking running over there like speedo. Like I got you. I got you.

They're like we're good. We're good. No, no. It wasn't that. It was your – Daring children to go to the furthest bank. Who can make it to that sand bank way out there? It's like dangerous out and the more responsible lifeguards are like come on in.

I'm in my head anyway thinking you pussies. You can do it. Like, go ahead. Fuck, you're good. Right? You know, like, oh, man, if people drown or just get, even if they just got sucked out to sea, like some six-year-old with a strong offshore wind on a boogie board,

they're never coming home. And I am happy as a pig in mud. I'm like, oh, fuck yeah. He's out there forever. And by the time you get to him, he's like twice as far out as he was before. It's my favorite day. Like the 19-year-old me, and we called it a can, that orange like torpedo thing. Me and that thing were about as good a rescue tool as you'd need.

I pull you back. Did you ever watch Baywatch just because it was what you did, not because of the titties? Dude, the Baywatch rescues were so terrible. And I was surprised to see that other people – I knew you had strong opinions about Baywatch. Yeah. What was most ridiculous about the Baywatch rescue? The thing that bothered me most was that there were different ocean conditions in the same rescue, right?

Like they'd film small waves up close to make them look like they were big waves. And then like it would be like three different days. And then, like, it'd be, like, three different days. And I'm like, doesn't everybody see this? Like, these are obviously different ocean conditions. Different, like, flag warning colors in the background kind of thing. No, like, this is the ocean conditions themselves. Like, one's, like, a legit, like, Hawaii large wave. Another is, like, a small Californian flat day.

And then there's some medium day. And, like, this just doesn't make any fucking sense like these aren't even rescues they're just pretending and and then like a fight scene they just take the camera and like splash it around so you can't tell what's going on that wasn't what rescues were like you wanting to egg people on and get them to start drowning so you can help reminds me of some hockey refs i knew growing up because basically the way it is when you're young it's like if you're 12 years old they don't hire you know a professional or even like a 20 year old referee to come out usually it's like a 15 year old or someone a few years older who's still in like the the the league of that center um maybe

just like one age bracket up and instead like you're supposed to take fighting very seriously in kids hockey like because you obviously don't want kids fighting on razor blades with weapons and so you're supposed to like if they start quarreling you go over and you immediately grab them and like pull them apart and then they both get in severe trouble but some of these guys you could tell they had a little fantasy of wanting to stop a fight because being 15 when there's a bunch of 12 year olds playing around you is like being just a giant just a power a powerhouse like you're a head taller than everyone and so like when little scuffs would start instead of skating over like really quick or something a lot of them would

just be like kind of gliding and be like hey you guys gonna fight what are you guys fighting are you fighting just trying to almost like egg it on to get them to be like, no, are you fighting? Yeah, we're fighting. And just trying to get it going because that was their little fantasy to break up a fight like a real hockey ref. I don't know. It reminded me of your trying to get people to drown. That's like a weird power trip. That's a weird power trip.

The first time there was a hockey fight that I was present for, I jumped in as third man in and in my head i was being like a good teammate and i'm new to hockey organized hockey anyway i played some like bullshit and it wasn't that organized but it's men's league and i played some bullshit like roller hockey and stuff but there's a different vibe like roller hockey is pretty much like kids very late yeah yeah yeah in um in ice hockey everyone's playing position. A lot of these guys play formally at one level or another. It's different. So when my teammate got into a fight, it was like, my teammate's in a fight, I'm in a fight, right?

That's just how this goes. I was so disappointed. Everybody hated me, even my own team. It was so looked down upon. Like, I never did that again. That's like if you were what was bad about it third man is like disgraceful yeah do you want to say something like yeah so like if two people are fighting in hockey you know carly you're canadian like if a third guy even if your teammates

getting wailed on you don't just jump in and grab the other guy in the middle of a fight and start fighting him you know like third man in you let the fight resolve It's kind of like if Woody was wrestling Joe Lozon and getting his ass beat And then I ran into the ring and kicked Joe in the side of the head Unexpectedly and was like I got you Woody. What do you like? Hockey would be so cool if it could turn into a Royal Rumble at any given moment.

Just type in line brawls. It literally happened last season that the Calgary Flames and the Vancouver Canucks were squaring off first face off of the game. The Flames coach pulls his entire first line back,

and he puts his fourth line out there. Jesus. Fourth line is the line that's for brawling and grinding. And so he takes all his skill players out, puts his fourth line in. The crazy guy who used to be the Vancouver coach, John Tortorella, is screaming past that glass partition between the coaches, screaming at the Calgary coach, and he pulls his guys off, and he puts his fourth line out there. And so the first face-off of the game it's all fourth line the face off like someone barely touches the puck and everybody starts fighting just with the person

next to him and it was it was great that was a great game it would have been cooler so home team gets last line change right before a face-off oh and uh Portarello went over to the calgary flames locker room after the period and they had to have his assistant coaches and security holding him as he was screaming into the calgary locker room calling like the coach a coward and a bunch of ridiculous but uh yeah anyway sorry yeah later on when hockey fights broke out, I found them real easy to break up. I got to be casual about it. All you got to do is cover the guy's eyes and pull him back. A hockey glove makes your hand enormous. I would just pull him back.

Their head would go. Their face would follow. They'd be blinded. It was super easy to break up fights. Because hockey fights, like Ryan Reeves, the blues enforcer, if he gets in a fight with you on the ice, you're in deep shit because he's going to beat your ass. All those guys' balance is good enough that they can cut and rebalance

while they're hitting you. Just a couple of men's league guys, those fights never really go anywhere because their legs aren't strong enough to rebalance themselves in the middle of the fight. It's usually one or two punches punches and then they're both exhausted and they go oh you we're good right another thing both fall over and the one guy pulls the other one down about men's leagues fights is oftentimes the better hockey player wins the fight because it's not just about who's tougher, who's stronger or whatever. A lot of it has to do with who's steadier on their skates.

So like even if you're like a skinny kind of like a hockey player from Miracle on Ice, right? All those guys were like skinny college kids. Even if you're one of them, just being able to toss the other guy around, you can control the distance, push him away, can control the distance push them away bring them back push them away you might be surprised how worthless you are at fighting when you're on skates and you suck at it yeah yeah it's really hard to do yeah interesting show interesting show getting like mma fighters to fight like figure skaters but they're both on skates on the ice figure skater fighting i'd like to see that

it's just like taking taking like people like and like uh like fighting mike tyson but you're like a professional scuba diver and you're like swimming circles around him literally like and you fight underwater i'm saying like taking professional fighters and like putting them out of their element yeah i mean that fits in perfectly with the idea i've wanted for as long as i can remember where every year you take the major league baseball team that wins it all you put them up against the stanley cup champion in american football and so it's two sports that they don't play or two teams from and you make them play a sport against each other that they don't play or two teams and you make them play a sport against each other that they

don't play. So a baseball team playing a hockey team in football or a football team playing a hockey team in baseball. I would say if you do that, it's got to be baseball and basketball because if you're going to take football and hockey, they're each

just going to get injured in each other's sports. But you have to play a third sport right football versus hockey in basketball is that like if you just go and try and play football or hockey as a baseball player you're pretty likely to get hurt because you're not going to know what you're doing so he was saying like you'd have to take a hockey team versus a baseball team i was saying like like contact sports should just be out of the question because at this level these guys could hurt themselves so badly. It would be like like yeah like

basketball baseball but then that's kind of I wonder what but like I feel like that's just a boring game like basketball players playing baseball if you don't know how you're not good at baseball. I would suck. Shout out to Michael Jordan. It almost has to be a contact sport to be fun because you want to see a guy like one of those 7 foot 2

basketball guys who looks like a stick bug having to run down the field with his giant legs playing football and then he just gets wrecked by some enforcer from the NHL or he just catches it and steps over him with his big gangly legs

his slendererman figure. Basketball and soccer would be good, too. That would be good. I'm looking forward to gladiatorial games in the future, but I always go back to that. I think that some sort of Running Man-type show is the future, where we put people in some sort of gladiatorial experience, and then we execute them on TV.

Running may not execute, on TV? Running man. Maybe not execute, but I like challenging them. I do like the idea that if it's in the future and we have so many people anyways and it's too many people, it's like, hey, listen, if this guy's down on his luck and he wants to take a shot at running man, let him do it.

I'm cool if someone doesn't want to be on the planet. I'm not saying they're depressed or they have a mental condition they're just like oh my girlfriend left me and i'm gonna uh prove to her that i'm the guy because i was always a dead and i'm gonna win the 450 000 bitcoin in the future when i win the running man and like so if he's gonna do it and he wants to risk his life, like, you know, let him do it. I mean, people, some people like risk all their money and they basically just die a slow death. Someone wants to risk their life for entertainment.

I mean, I say, let's do it. I always said if I could go back in time, if I could travel in time, I definitely would never travel and kill Hitler. People always say that. People always think that like a Jew would go back and kill Hitler. People always say that. People always think that a Jew would go back and kill Hitler if they could. I wouldn't do that. Let him do

his thing. I like where the world is today, so maybe that happens. That's a terrible thing to say. If you go back far enough... I wouldn't fuck with the whole Hitler thing. If you go back far enough i just i would i wouldn't i wouldn't fuck with the whole hitler thing if you know that's a hilarious just assume that i've never i've never thought of it that way the way you just said it and that is hilarious and probably true rationale if i like where the

world is today like what if you go back and you kill hitler and that's just like it boldens mussolini and he actually ends up like being the guy like maybe he was always playing second fiddle to hitler when he had all the good ideas literally like that that's it like i didn't like my my thought process is like yeah you go there you're like oh this is simple kill hitler you go you kill hitler and then it's like oh hitler's dead release the hitler bots and then just like thousands and thousands of hitler bots and it's like now i'm like you know what i mean like maybe north america right he was trying to kill he was trying to kill every jewish person and it didn't happen but so i wouldn't you know don't fix what's not broken

hitler ruined europe right like berlin was bombed london was bombed paris was bombed all these places were terrible and while these places got got shelled out into nothing, America became this manufacturing superpower. Maybe America would be like Brazil right now if we didn't trash Europe. I don't think we'd be like Brazil. It's not exciting.

Things worked out for the best the way they went down. I don't think we should go back and change anything Marty McFly style. That's what I'm saying. If I traveled back in time's what I'm saying. If I traveled back in time, what I would do is exactly what you just said. Something where I don't change anything. I would go back in time

and I would fucking just like Prime Directive style, Star Trek style put on like a robe and just go watch a Coliseum death match. A good old fashioned man on man man maybe two men on a lion or maybe a three lions versus tiger whatever it is i just want a good old-fashioned death match and i just go i watch it and i'll be like that's messed up i'm scarred for life and that's on me

and i bring that back home with me but but that's, that's it. I wouldn't touch anything or dabble with anything. And I even read once on like a shower thoughts on Reddit, which was really great. And they said that, um, if, you know, just a thought, if we're always adapting and evolving to bacteria and stuff around us, if I were to go back in time, I'm bringing some diseases that like, they're ready for and like i go back in time and just to go watch a death match i end up making all destroying rome or something the black plague is because someone went and watched a death match that could oh so you know what i never got about the whole execution like the gladiators dying is like like how do you really build up a fan base like

if you show up like you just bought your new like you're a roman you're a big fan of the games you got your like filiness maximus shirt on picture the guy's head on it like holding the sword you're like you got your maximus hat on you're really into it like i've been watching this guy for years like maximus he's my boy like you go and you sit down and then that's just not his day but it's not like we'll get him next time maximus like you're the fucking man no he's dead like all that attire is useless now you have to pick a whole new fandom like i don't like the idea i don't think they always because then you can't have a fandom because they're dying too often so i think what they would actually do is uh they would have these gladiator like especially the famous ones that had their names written on walls and stuff like like i think they would get a lot of like uh uh what do you

call it in ufc where they just feed somebody to you it would be like that i think a lot of times they would get easy opponents like they just have to kill five jews you know but but they're just out there unarmed like like confused and it's bright all of a sudden because they've been in a pit somewhere and this guy's out there decked out from head to toe with a big spear and a shield and everything. That would be Monday for him. Then maybe next month he fights a sick tiger, but he's got

a chariot archer kind of thing going on or something like that. Even then, if you get one poking back in that day, someone's dead. I think it's like, oh, this guy Maximus, he's the best. He's already won one. That's big.

I think I remember reading something about some champion that had won. The reason they were talking about this guy is because he'd won so many times that it didn't seem believable or even realistic that he would win that many. I think they gave him a lot of softballs, and they went out there and basically executed a lot of people.

We were talking about Hitler. So if you go back far enough, then guys like Genghis Khan, they're not considered terrible oppressors and rapists and whatever. They're admired for their accomplishments, right? The Ming Dynasty, different Greece and Roman leaders. How long until Hitler is admired for their accomplishments right the ming dynasty different greece and roman leaders how long until hitler is admired for his accomplishments because he's not even as bad as like a gingus khan right like if you don't talk like objectively like how many people they kill that was two people sorry go ahead kyle i i i wondering, like, you know, Genghis Khan existed in an era of brutality, right?

You know, maybe he was eviscerating babies while he forged his empire, but if he hadn't been eviscerating the babies, some other guy named Cole would have been doing it just the same. It just seemed like that was kind of the way of the times, and that he was taking over an empire. Maybe I don't know anything about that. If someone was around to live-tweet Genghan's you know storming through asia people would be like all right this guy's a real piece of shit but even stalin is starting to turn his image around right people

look at stalin as like a mega strong leader not someone who just sent people unarmed into death he he's on the upswing trust me his popularity his twitter following is growing his facebook page is great we're we're too close like yeah we're too close how long ago was gang as con 12 like a thousand years ago yeah because there's a chance that you know hitler doesn't stay as relevant in a thousand years as gang ashis Khan does, because we're so close to it. And because I know, because I'm Jewish, we're very good at reminding people like, yo, this happened. Don't ever forget that this actually happened, people.

So yeah, remember this guy in a stupid mustache. So like, it wouldn't have been a thousand years. Like, maybe he just didn't do enough. I'll tell you one thing, in a thousand years, people would remember him if he accomplished his mission. But he dropped the ball there. I saw, like, a video, like, four years ago. Nobody accomplishes their mission, though, right?

They all die in the end. You know, Napoleon lost in the end. But he still – No, no, his mission was to just, like, you know, kill off certain people. Yeah, no one gets that done. Yeah, like, and my grandfather is, like, you know, like an 87-year-old. I mean, we did. We got it done.

There used to be a lot of Indians that lived here before we got here. That's true, yeah. Millions of them. They had a vast civilization, many tribes. That's another perfect example of the disease thing. I mean, we've all been to the casino. That's another perfect example of the disease thing, where just people from one continent show up

and then suddenly wipe huge swaths of people out. That's how the demonic plague did it. It counted as the first kind of chemical or biological warfare was those blankets. Well, not quite, because back in the old days, they used to throw

plague victims' body parts over the walls with the catapults. Oh yeah, that's right. That's hardcore. You know what would be a good way? I was trying to think of a way you could go back and change Hitler without killing him. So here's what you do. You have to clear a couple

weeks on your schedule in the past. So you travel back, Harley, dressed as a Hasidic Jew. Like, as Jew-y as you can be and then you kind of just from the distance put a black hat on yes and then make sure the curls are going and you're just follow from a safe distance so you can see everything that little adolf is doing and you wait until he's he's bringing his painting to school to show us the other six children about it and they're like oh adolf your painting is very subpar.

No, you'll never be famous for that. And then you step in, and you put your hand on little Adolf's shoulder, and you go, stop making fun of Adolf. He's a great painter. You have to tell him that he did. Yeah, and then you beat the shit out of those other Germans, and he'll remember for the rest of his life, you know, when he comes to power, they'll be like, who do we need to go after?

Do we want to go after the gypsies? Do we want to go after the Jews? Nein! Never the Jews! He will remember it that way. That's the perfect back-in-time plan for Hitler. Or maybe he's just like, we kill everyone that doesn't love painting.

He shows them pictures of sweet paintings. If they do not pick mine, they're done. everyone that doesn't love painting. Yeah. We show them pictures of sweet paintings. If they do not pick mine, they're done, you know? Kyle, why won't you do another FPS bootcamp with Chiz or Boogie or Wings again? That would be great. It's a Patreon question.

I doubt any of those people have any interest in doing that. I would do that with Chiz if he were interested, but I don't think he is interested in doing that. I was going to another. Oh, go ahead. I thought you were done. It requires medical attention.

I'm in no way capable of giving him what he needs, and I don't want anything to do with wings. It was a while ago maybe a year uh that there was like a push for me to do a wings boot camp like bring him to your house have him eat better have him work on a more regular schedule like a whole life coaching thing and uh i was like man that's a lot of pressure and why is it my responsibility like he's he's not my kid like you know like what's up with of pressure. And why is it my responsibility? Like, he's not my kid. Like, you know, like, what's up with that?

And Kyle said that he put it really well. He's like, don't you wish someone would help him? Like someone, like a higher power out there would just like, you know, guide him and do that. And he says, well, to them, that's you. Like you are this higher power that could coach him into you know addressing the areas that he could improve upon and uh well for me it was like a really personal thing like ah i like i have to house him and feed him and you know coach him and like crack the whip on him and put him on his schedule and all that stuff to them it's not personal at all it's just yeah you know like

yeah fucking who's the the wrestler dusty roads or something that's helping boogie that's one of them oh no that's diamond dallas page diamond yeah i don't know my wrestlers okay yeah so he's like don't you want diamond dallas page to go help out somebody yeah it's fucking nothing on my back and uh and it made me realize like oh yeah to them i'm diamond dallas page who should be you know helping out other people all the time yeah you gotta keep it like when we did that Wings of Redemption boot camp, this dude came and moved into my house for a fucking month. I don't know how to monetize what it would cost for me to do that again. But it would be fucking outrageous.

And it should be for anyone. It was pretty much a month of my life devoted to him with lots of planning and forethought put into it. Yeah, I wouldn't do that again for anybody. It's a big ask. Yeah, it's a real big ask. What is it? Our friend weighed like 450 pounds, and I did like a boot camp where he came and moved into my house and helped him lose weight for a month. And our fans are suggesting that we do that again for some other people.

And I'm just like, no. Fuck no. We did it once. Once was enough. Never again. Just like that survival trip. Never again. Never again.

I know you liked it. I'd do it again, yeah. You keep on doing it. You fucking do a series of them for all I care. But I won't be there. I don't want any fucking part of that. I'm just going to be honest. It was not fun.

Didn't enjoy. Don't want to do that again. I love when we do little events for the show. I like it better when we're meeting fans and hanging out with them, though, and not when I'm just suffering for suffering's sake. The biggest thing I'd change about this survival trip is the temperature.

I wish it was delayed that's chiz's fault i'm over here like yeah because i was totally like hey we should wait until uh you know um october or november or maybe something like that and he's like oh it'd be cold we don't want to be cold and i'm like i don't know i i can remember like deer hunting as a kid in october and and and being like short sleeves and being sweaty when. I can remember deer hunting as a kid in October and being short sleeves and being sweaty when I got in the deer stand and being tired and hot. And sure enough,

I remember it being your fault. Mm-mm. I remember we were going to do it earlier and Joe Lozon was going to come and then you had a potential gig with a really high-end shotgun manufacturer and we had to delay the trip by about three weeks well earlier would have been even hotter

though would it what early was it it was in the fall was it I was in the spring in my memory no that was the first one yeah it was in the fall so so the earlier we do it the hotter it is I was always about no fucking push that shit let's wait till it cools off and it gets chilly and the leaves are a changing instead we went into the woods and it was just balls hot i it was not it was hot it was drinking that that tainted tasting water there wasn't anything wrong with it but it's got a funny like rubber hose taste to it pond Pond water. Yeah. I, I like my, my frustration with, if I'm sweating yet,

not moving, it's too hot, right? If I can't lay down in a hammock and not sweat, I shouldn't be outside. And it was definitely sweating a hammock weather. Chiz, instead of the hammock,

Chiz got instead of an, a, like a human sized, easy bake oven. Poor guy. It's like a, it's like a cot with like a camper built easy bake oven. Poor guy. It's like a cot with like a camper built around the cot and

it's got like a zipper that you can unzip and then there's just like mesh there and I remember like I'm in my hammock sweating my balls off just trying not to move at all to stay cool and he unzips this thing and he like moves toward the mesh so the light will hit his face.

And he's just shining and glimmering with sweat. He's just, the sun is glinting off of him. And he's just like, it's so hot. And I was just like, it's so hot in there, man. Why are you zipped up in there? I didn't know you were in there. Holy shit. Unzip them all.

Unzip them all. It was so hot. It was like a solar oven. While you were talking, I showed people what it looked like. It's called a tent cot, if you want to Google it on your own later. It's great. I think he might have borrowed mine or bought his own. I forget.

One person borrowed mine. One bought his own. But it's not for hot weather yeah that was great i love and i would love to go on an i'm not mr bear grills any or anything over here but i would love to go on some kind of outdoorsy trip with chis because that is like the perfect fish out of water story of Chiz being outdoors because he makes no bones about the fact that he fucking hates

it he doesn't like it he likes being inside like when he hasn't had his AC going recently for some reason and so when me and Kyle sometimes at night would be messaging him like hey Chiz you wanna hop on a call? We're playing Civ or something.

He'd be like, I can't possibly turn my computer on and run it with the game. It'll overheat and it'll just be so hot. I'm already dripping sweat in here. It's like, oh, man, just, I don't know, get a cold glass of water or something. We can't put that bad here. Because I know that you're in California and Kyle's in Georgia. I'm in Missouri. So it's definitely hotter where we are and more humid.

I don't know if Chiz understands how ridiculous his, like, no-socks leather boat shoes were for camping attire. I didn't want to give Chiz any shit because he really was a fish out of water when you take him into the georgia uh the mountains or hills or whatever the fuck we were in it was pretty mountainous back there yeah but his shoes were as far away from like and i bought these boots that came up like almost to my knee because they're supposed to be rattlesnakes in there and i'm terrified we're gonna get bit by a rattlesnake three hours some help or something i look at and I'm terrified we're going to get bit by a rattlesnake. Three hours, some help or something.

I look at, and I'm thinking in my head, these are not snake-rated boots, Kyle. You better watch where you fucking go, because this might protect you against a glancing blow, but if a real rattlesnake bites you, it's going through this, and you could fucking lose a chunk of your leg. Be careful. And then I look at Chiz, and he's got on penny loafers. He's got on these loafers. And when he takes a step, the side of the loafer, like, you know,

on each side kind of bulges out and collapses over. Like, one side seemed to be preferable. He's one step away from, like, flippy floppies. You know, out in the woods. Every time they bulge, like, sand and dirt and leaves

are getting in them. Like, because they're this and then he lifts his foot and it gets under his foot and so he's like mushing it down and stepping it up you showed me a picture of the kind of shoes he was wearing if you've ever seen one of those calvin klein ads where it's just like the front of a boat and it's a guy with the little shorty pastel shorts and the collared shirt and he's got his feet really far apart and his arms spread, and he's got those little Sperrys on, those, like, loafer Sperrys that you use when you're casually meandering around your boat, your sea vessel. Your yacht.

That's what he was wearing in the woods of Georgia, which... No... See, if nothing else, it's a good way to ruin the expensive shoes. There was no tread on them. They were just, like, flat rubber, and we're climbing these hills, and it's just drudgery every step up the hill. And I was in okay shape. And still, when I get to the top of the hill, I would be like, that's a serious fucking hill, man.

Let's catch. Dude, that was part of the beauty of having Chiz, right? So I was in okay shape. Just like Kyle, I'd get to the top of the hill, I'd be fine. But if you have Chiz, you don't even need to be in okay shape. You just need to be in better shape than him. Rests are coming, right? Like if there's a 20-minute walk through the woods, every 10 minutes you get a break.

Do you know? It's great. That's a real policy that I think about when I'm invited to go like on a river float or rafting or hiking or camping. It's I need to make sure there's at least one person. Like if it's a bunch of my friends who are really into fitness it's gonna be like no like i'm not gonna go because i'll because i'm gonna be the guy because i'm gonna be the guy that you're aggravated with so you need to make sure there's always someone at least fatter than you or slower than you or something to come along so that then you can kind of co-opt the athleticism of the most athletic guy and like

walk along him alongside him in front and be like god richard back there am i right big fat fuck meanwhile you're like gassed and the guy next to you is just hunky dory like yeah i wish we could just kind of break this into a jog you know and you're like oh i know i know but you know we can't because they're richer well let's a little bit. No, no. Not without him. Yeah, he struggled with that, and rightfully so. You know, the entry path that I took us on was particularly rough. It was just up and over, like,

limbs and fallen trees and through briars and stuff. Chase was mad about it, because we found a better entry path, and he was legitimately resentful about the horrible path we took. I would pay for the thought transcript that he had over the course of those few hours of angry and resentful

and fucking wings not coming on the trip and now I'm here. Why am I even here? God, of course these guys like it. They're from around here. This is bullshit. Like just all the frustration. I would love to see it.

To his credit, this is what I like about him. So he knew all this this going in he knew that camping wasn't his cup of tea that he didn't want to be there that the heat the snakes the bugs etc but he valued the camaraderie and social aspect of it enough you know that going into it he knew how much he'd hate everything except hanging out with us and he's like yep i'll take it i'll do it and he did it so he had plenty of cigarettes he's a good guy so you didn't have to worry about that for some reason i like it became my mission statement to like help chis like get his fitness ship shape no what what he means is he took it upon himself to annoy the fuck out of Chiz every time Chiz lit up a cigarette.

Which was every five minutes. So is that the last one? And he's like, I've made it pretty fucking clear. I'm going to smoke until I don't have any more smokes, and that will be the last one. Keep in mind, he's moving into my guest house at the end of this trip, right? will be the last keep in mind he's moving into my guest house at the end of this trip right like like he had quit smoking and then we go on this trip he starts chain smoking and kyle will argue like oh no no no if there's a one minute break between cigarettes it's not chain smoking in my world it was fucking one after the other sometimes two at a time and it's true. He was not smoking. He would light one with the other one. That's chain smoking.

I did not see that. I might have imagined it. I'm definitely setting up a combo right there. So in my head, he's like lighting up, finishing it, throwing it out, starting the next one. And he can't smoke in my house. That's a house rule, right? That's not an unreasonable rule. So I'm thinking he needs to quit smoking

because he's moving into my house in two days. It's not going to happen right then and there in a stressful condition in the woods when he's got three bags on him. He's moving in my house two days later, though. It's time to do it now. It's time to quit. I'm just going to sit right here

because I know what you're holding on to. That's all that's keeping him from coming to your tent at night and just... I know that Kyle probably knows about pretty much exactly how many cigarettes Chiz smoked on that trip, but before you say anything, Woody,

how many do you think he smoked? Realistically. Two packs. Wait, it had to be more than that. So the trip was about five days, and I'm going to say he smoked four packs in five days. Eight cigarettes in five days. I would say he smoked at least one pack a day,

and probably more. So probably like six or seven packs in five days. Something like that, you know? Wow, I expected the exact opposite answer. I thought that Woody was going to say, like, I don't know, 130? And I would be like, it was like 18. The more stressful the situation is,

the more you're going to... It's an appetite suppressant. You know? It calms your nerves when you get jittery. It's something to do. And it's, you know, if you've got... If you already smoke, it's one of those things where you're like, I don't have anything to do with my fucking hands. And then our cell phones wouldn't work, so you're just sitting there like,

no Reddit, no fucking, I'm melting, I wish I just had something, and a cigarette just seems so nice. It made sense to me. So Chiz was a fish out of water there, right? We should do trips where he's not. Okay, I don't even know how to order at Starbucks, right? At Starbucks, I wouldn't know what to say.

Starbucks, to me, is just a store for the financially irresponsible. But I think Chiz is an expert. Have you never been to a Starbucks before? I saw a guy come into a Starbucks recently. I went to go grab a coffee there.

This dude came in, a a construction worker and he was like i i gathered from his behavior and like i didn't know this was this was a real thing but like i guess like from the way you described it reminded me he was like very clearly uncomfortable to be in a starbucks like and he went and he was in line and like i came up behind him he was looking at the menu and he looks at me and he's like oh you can go ahead man I don't know I don't know what uh what to get yet I'm like oh I'm still thinking also he was like oh yeah I never even come here my wife wants like a stupid drink and then like he's asking the guy he's like what kind of drink like for my wife it's like she wants something crazy.

She's never been here before, but she doesn't want something too crazy. And I'm there, and I'm like, this guy is clearly, like, he's on the job. Like, he's still dressed like a construction worker. There's no wife here. Like, you're not, like, you're, this is for you. And, like, I could tell he was just he was just so uncomfortable about being there. I don't know anything. I was like, bro, you gotta get that Venti

chai mocha latte with a double shot of espresso. I know Venti means big. A frappuccino? I don't even know if that's a hot or a cold drink. It's cold. It's delicious. And Venti means 20. In Italian. It's 20 ounces And venti means 20. In Italian. 20 ounces.

There you go. If I wanted a medium warm coffee that seemed like hot chocolate, I would not know what to get. That seemed like hot chocolate? What do you mean like hot chocolate? I just imagine they have some sort of sugar-based coffee that's frothy with whipped cream

like a hot chocolate. Don't they? Because that seems Starbucks. Literally, it's what I said. It's like a mocha latte. Okay. Yeah. None of those words.

It's a double shot of espresso, so you get that caffeine in it. You drink that all, and you're like, oh, my God. That was delicious. Wow. Did I just have 90 grams of sugar and 550 calories in a coffee? There were days when I would have a frappuccino instead of lunch. I would get a venti caramel frappuccino with two to three shots of espresso, and that would just be my lunch.

And it's about 800 calories, so no problem there. And it's got a shitload of caffeine in it, so that would really energize me throughout my day. I don't know what espresso actually means, and when you say shots of them, are there literally, like, shot glasses full of them? Yeah, it's like that big, and they just put it in there. It's espresso, and it's like concentrated coffee. How do you make espresso?

So they grind the beans up, and they're, like, boiling it to make espresso, but there's no X. Yeah, I don't know how they make it, but it really peps you up. I have an espresso maker. Yeah, I've got an espresso maker, and it's just like the Keurig, but it's even tinier K-Cups, and it just makes a tiny little shot of espresso that you can just kind of... So how much does a double espresso cappuccino cost?

Or frappuccino? I forget what we say. That would be about $8, I think. What does a double espresso cappuccino cost? Or frappuccino? I forget what we say. That would be about $8, I think. I don't drink things that are $8. Maybe someone's going to leave a comment. Maybe someone will leave a comment and tell me that frappuccinos have been around since Rome or something. But I don't think so. I think it's relatively recent, the frappuccino thing.

That's one of the most brilliant marketing maneuvers of all time to name a milkshake something different and convince people that it's just something you start your day with oh i just start my day with a you know sweet cream frappuccino oh you do when you're on the way to work you just figure oh you know i wouldn't pull off into a steak and shake and get a strawberry shake but i'll stop by starbucks and pay twice as much for a frappe or whatever. If you ever see in the Northwest, there's a coffee chain called Dutch Brothers. And the Dutch Brothers, you'll have like a bumper sticker that says Dutch Brothers Princess, and you get that if you buy a ton of Dutch Brothers. And it was a game when I lived there that I would notice

every time you see a dutch brothers princess uh bumper sticker on a car i would speed up and look without a fucking doubt it was an obese woman driving the car zero percent chance it was anyone else because these are people who buy 800 calorie coffees every morning like it's a way to start the day like it's brilliant in the afternoon it was perfect i just remember working and it was hot and I was in the afternoon. It was perfect. I just remember working, and it was hot in the summertime, and this is a 20-ounce, like, there's not as much milk in there as a milkshake. It's mostly ice, but it's like iced coffee

and just caffeine and sugar, and it was so good and cool and cold and energizing. I like that stuff. And, yeah, it is expensive, but, you know, I'm just getting one of them. It's like a dessert. I'm on a cleanse right now actually. It's the same cleanse like I did years ago where you just take these natural herbs that

make you shit actually and you just cut out dairy, alcohol, and sugar just for 12 days. It's not like a juice cleanse or anything like it's just literally like you change your diet up and you take these like shit pills and shit oil they just make you dumb and uh i did it a couple years ago like three years ago and on i used to drink a coffee a day and i would get a cream and a sugar I would drink like two coffees a day and I would get like a cream and a sugar and then on the cleanse I had to stop drinking coffee with a cream and a sugar I have to drink it black so by the time the 12 days were up I was just like mathematically when I think about like a cream and a sugar or at the end of the day two creams two sugars that's like

almost a Big Mac I'm like what a day two creams two sugars that's like almost a big mac i'm like what a waste of calories so i'm just like coffee black now and i've literally been drinking my coffee black now for almost like three years and i've like saved myself like hundreds of packages of sugar hundreds of packages of cream and i honestly like i used to like before that also i used to get that chai mocha latte and it was like one time i like read online i honestly like i used to like before that also i used to get that chai mocha latte and it was like one time i like read online i was like this thing is 600 calories i could eat at mcdonald's or drink this stupid freaking coffee yeah they're like two mcdoubles and you don't feel full like we we had a um i don't want to give it away but

there's someone in our universe who identified herself as an anorexic right but she only drank like starbucks shit and like she's fat right she's fucking fat and she's an anorexic and i'm like that's bullshit no way is she yeah no no no she's so terrible and they're like well she's an anorexic and i'm like that's bullshit no way yeah no no no she's so terrible and they're like well she's an anorexic because she doesn't you know eat anything she just goes to starbucks and down no you're a liar venti like cappuccinos and stuff like the only thing she ate today was a couple 2 000 calorie coffee well see i don't know i don't know and also i can't really comment but like i could imagine that if i were in the position where i was drinking 800 calorie drinks and i wanted people to shut up about it i would be like yo i'm anorexic so you should be happy that i'm taking

anything right now even this 800 calorie milk milkshake that makes sense maybe that was it maybe just for people to shut up about her her frappuccinos like a preemptive defense of people being like hey you know that has like a whole day's worth of calories and you're already fat well i don't eat anything like by that logic like shoenice is anorexic because he drinks all his calories in vodka form or whatever the case is like that and caulk yeah caulk probably very few calories you know so i've talked about this before but i've never fully explained my point i feel like calories are not a good measure of what they do to your body right so calories as you know you dehydrate the food you burn it and you see how much it heats up water right that's

that's what calories are but some things don't seem to translate into body fat as well as others like sugar seems to become fat really easily right humans are outstanding at converting sugar to fat but if i ate caulk which perhaps would burn and heat up water i don't think my body would do anything with it well for the same reason that when you eat you could eat wood pulp and you could eat pounds of old pulp that technically has a caloric content of millions of calories but wood pulp. And you could eat pounds of wood pulp that technically has a caloric content of millions of calories. But wood pulp isn't something we're designed to eat.

It's cellulose. So let's take corn. You could eat grass all day, every day. I guess maybe some things you just can't your liver can't synthesize or whatever. Corn is an interesting example. If I took the corn and burned it and whatever.

But all the shells and stuff, I'm pretty clear I didn't digest that shit because the evidence is right in the potty. So am I getting all the calories out of corn that I think I am? I think you're getting so close to what it is. Unless you have a really bad gastrointestinal tract and you're shitting out full tops. No, no, no. Everyone has corn you have corn you see corn the next day that's that's just what it is i like to think that a lot of them like you know how it's corn like like hiding in like this brown vessel i think there's corn in

that brown these are just the survivors oh no i think yeah i'm just saying, like, most of the corn got, you know, these are the ones that escaped. The ones that are in the shit. Like, that's a small percentage. Most of them are wiped out on the journey. So the calorie count is actually pretty accurate. Like, just because you didn't digest the full caloric content

of, like, four pieces of corn doesn't mean that the rest of it wasn't all absorbed you know interesting maybe we're different because there are dozens of survivors in my case it's just a cob of corn when he shits i have like uh i have like a little dog he's like whoops almost like three pounds so he's really tiny and like i've seen him, like, eat a girl's underwear before, like, worn underwear, like, go in and just, like, go in on the crotch. And I've watched this happen. I've been like, fascinating.

There's probably, like, six or seven calories in the crotch area of that worn underwear. And that's, like, valuable to this three-pound dog. Like, that will keep him running for ten minutes, at least. Well, Master's about to let me out. Gotta fuel up with the crotch of these panties. This seems like a good time to talk about Blue Apron.

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That's blueapron.com slash painkiller. Check it out. Check them out. Yep. You know you're 25 years old. You don't cook for shit. And your diet is very repetitive.

Go to Blue Apron. Add some stuff. I started making shepherd's pie. Kitty always makes shepherd's pie. Some sort of passed down English recipe. So I've decided to steal her recipe and make it better. And I think I've done it. I made my first shepherd's pie the other night. I'm going to try again.

What did you change from the original recipe to make it more Kyle-esque? I used tomato paste. I used a little bit more Worcestershire sauce, or however you pronounce that. I used better ground beef than she gets. I should have gotten lamb, but I couldn't get lamb.

I couldn't get to the butcher. And I think instead, she uses some kind of gravy, and I used beef broth. It eventually turned into a gravy, though. It was really tasty. Doesn't Shepherd's Pie usually have carrots and peas in it?

I put carrots in it, and I ate the carrots. Good for you. But I didn't put the peas in. I refused to put the peas in. Peas are bullshit. I'm not eating those peas. It was funny when I made it because it was like I think the power went out momentarily and so the oven

had the time on it and it said that it was like 10.30pm. I was like, it's a little late to make a shepherd's pie. It takes an hour to cook this thing. But I got it. Alright, I'll do that. I'll eat late. So I'm cooking, it's a little late to make a shepherd's pie. It takes an hour to cook this thing. But I got it. All right, I'll do that. I'll eat late. So I'm cooking the shepherd's pie, making everything. And it takes like an hour to make the thing.

And then I like to let it sit for an hour afterwards to really congeal. And it's about the time I got it done that I realized the power had went out. And it was 2 in the morning. 2 in the morning when I cooked this shepherd's pie. And so that really threw my sleep schedule off because I was eating shepherd's pie at 3.30 in the morning that night thinking, like, hey, I'll do shit tomorrow. You know, there's a distinct difference between eating, like,

a frozen pizza at 3 in the morning where you feel like I'm a useless piece of shit. What am I doing with my life? I shouldn't be awake. And then you where you're like, well, it is a shepherd's pie. I mean, who else out there has eaten a shepherd's pie at 3am? This is cultured, if anything.

I'm eating it at the same time that people are waking up eating shepherd's pie in England. You know? Solidarity. It was delicious, though. So I'm going to continue my shepherd's pie learning. Add another dish to the repertoire. All right, Harley's next. I had nothing to add about shepherd's pie.

I actually had way too much to add about shepherd's pie. I didn't want to get into it. I was like, I'll actually sit this one out. What are some things that you guys know are a waste of money but continue to spend money on examples include things like scratch ticks magic cards fast food phone games etc i thought harley would be awesome at this i got like uh i just know i know i i'm like i i'm just certain that like my company credit card is paying for Amazon Prime TV streaming,

New Box TV streaming, Netflix, Crackle, every single crunchy roll. I'd probably pay for the pro version of XSplit, and I never, ever use XSplit. It's just a recurring cost that I never cancel. I'm sure if I just changed my credit card, I would relinquish the sites that like I've signed up for, for like, I'm like, well, it's just $2 a month, but I haven't been there in four years and I've paid every month. And it's like, I just know the biggest waste of money, but I continue to pay money on are the things that I don't know I'm spending

money on. I get my debit card changed pretty regularly. It just changed again. And what'll happen is inevitably, like, Sirius Satellite Radio will call me and be like, hey, you haven't paid us in a month and a half. What's up? I'm like, oh, got the card changed.

You guys make the cut. Here's my new card. But, you know, sometimes people call me like, hey, hadn't heard from you. Like, yeah, I'm not really watching anime anymore. Not really into it. I think this is going to be it for us. I'm going to re-up with you guys.

It's nice to use cards just for that reason because it cuts it off. Like a year – when did Crunchyroll sponsor us? Like 18 months ago? Sure. It was like two, three months ago. I'm like $6.95? Really? Like I don't really watch anime and they're still billing me.

And I'm like, I thought I canceled this, and I canceled it. You just got to watch One Punch Man. One Punch Man? Or not. I'll take your word for it. Yeah, I'm sure it's very good. I canceled. Yeah, watch One Punch Man. That's a good one.

Make sure it's on there. Yeah, so that got me. But because it wasn't a credit card, it just kept billing and billing indefinitely. The worst one for us, the security system on my Apex house. When we sold the house, we called them and we wanted to cancel. Apparently, my wife, who was in charge of it, signed up for like a three-year deal. And they're like, no, no, no. You got to keep paying us for three years.

You have to pay this exorbitant $900 cancellation fee. And her solution was just like, no, we'll just keep paying monthly. So another fucking year goes by, and I'm like, wait, what? And they're like, oh, yeah, you can still get out of it if you pay the $900 cancellation fee. And I work out the math as to the three years. We save at this point $100 by doing that. So that's the way we went, and I'm out the math as to like the three years where we save at this point like a hundred dollars by doing that so that's the way we went and I'm just ah see yeah I uh I just know that it's like stuff like that that like I don't know I'm paying for and my mom is just like she's just like so how about you just pummel Jackie just just just a real beating like like like Harley's

X-Split that he doesn't use very much anymore at least it's kind of his and available and whatever the the freaking security system on a house we sold is a ah i can't believe we paid for that now that is being cucked you should have hooked it up for the people getting the house and just been like by way, you have security here, so send me a gift basket at Christmas. But if my mom got the call of them being like, oh, you've been signed up to Crunchyroll for two years, she'd be like, what? Cancel it. And they'd be like, okay. And she'd be like, how much did it cost?

And they'd be like, well, $200. She'd be like, I never wanted it. Give me my money back. My mom is so talented on the phone speaking to customer service that she she gets it back or she'll come in the room be like harley you have cruncher roll for six years just has those abilities on the phone i i was i used to go over on my phone bill sometimes like i'd go over on my phone bill i'd have like back in the day like one gigabyte of data and somehow i'd be like at three

gigs of data like halfway through the month and she'd call them be like this is your fault and then like somehow get off the phone and be like okay your phone's getting upgraded you have five gigs of data and they just gave us 50 credit and i'm like what happened i just feel like i'm to have a kid one day and the doorbell is going to ring and they're going to be like, we're the phone company we're here for the child so when we first moved to North Carolina

long distance was way more expensive than it is now now I guess it's free it's free in the states, not in Canada but back in the day it was like 10 cents a minute until you hit like 500 minutes, and then it would rack up. And by the way, your cell phone plan came with like 400 minutes there. So I'd be like, all right, Jackie, here's what you do.

You spend 400 minutes on the cell phone, and then when that expires, I need you to flip over to the landline, and there you have like 1,000 minutes of $ a ten cents a minute, and don't break that. That would never happen. Ever. Ever. She doesn't track her minutes or anything. And she's keeping in touch with her family, so she'd watch like Buffy the Vampire Slayer on the phone

with her sister. It sounds like this is really spendy, but it was a commitment I made to her. Like, hey look, I'm pulling you out of Jersey. We're going to provide you with the mechanism that you need to stay in touch with your family but the complication turned out to be a big loser even though I ran up a $1,400 cell phone bill one time oh we had a couple we had $2,000 cell phone bills multiple like all the time you know and I'd have to call them up and be like look we overdid they'd fix it for me I'd be

like yeah $2,000 for a phone like this doesn't seem right so they'd retroactively apply like whatever best plan would be that's that's what they do those cocksuckers they didn't do me any favors like that they were like 1400 that's what we need from you sir 1446 dollars for those minutes you use and it's like Jesus, I was just talking to my girlfriend. This is awful. Because my thing, so I promised her I'd, like she takes many trips back to New Jersey, and I didn't fuss too much about the phone bill,

but she'd be on the phone watching TV with her sister but not talking. And I'm like, honey, if you're gonna run up the minute she like you can't just be hanging out silently on the phone together that seems unfair you gotta be talking about buffy the whole time you're not actively discussing her character arc get off the fucking phone that was my thought process it was rough mine has definitely i've spent thousands of dollars on magic the gathering cards and it's only a matter of time before I sink back into it. That box right up there, that blue one I'm pointing

at right now, the Magic Anthology set, it's got ten pre-made decks in it that are themed decks. There's angels versus demons, there's elves versus goblins, there's something versus something else, and then a couple of planeswalkers versus each other,

which are like rival gods, basically. And it was like $150, and I was so convinced. I'm going to use this all the time. I'm going to play this all the time. Can't wait. Haven't used it in probably a year, because I can't find anybody who wants to play Magic with me at this point, where I'll be like, hey, Melissa, you want to play Magic?

Because my girlfriend, she plays very rarely. And i'll be like hey melissa you want to play magic because my girlfriend she plays very rarely and she'll be like no not really because i'm i'm better at it than her so it's not fun it'd be like her saying like hey you want to have a competition to see who can you know do our makeup better or do our nails better like no because i'm not gonna win why would i do that like it it is it's been such a waste of money and behind the couch over here i have boxes reams of magic cards that I, like, at the time was like, I'm going to use this one for this deck, and I'm going to use this one for that deck. I'm going to make a whole, you know, a strategy over here. And then a new set would come out and be like, well, I'm not going to not buy this card.

And I need four copies of it. And so it's only $25 a piece. Get four. Well, if I bump it up to foil, I can get each one for $35. And then I have four foil cards in my deck instead. I've been foolish with those cards before. How old are you?

Way too many. $25. I can just imagine you're pretty quick on it. Earlier on, you get magic at a young age. You get a foothold and you start to understand. you play with the older kids you're like oh once people my age start playing with this they're gonna get destroyed

you put all that effort in and by the time you make the perfect deck everyone's like we play pokemon now you idiot you're just chilling with this big box of magic cards and everyone's on that pokemon tip and you just resent Japan for it. Yeah, it's ridiculous. And even if I can get someone to play me, I made the mistake of making my decks so fucking good that if I play with someone, they're like, hey, I just bought this starter deck. They have literally a 0% chance of winning.

Even if I try and lose, they're going to end up losing. It'd be like Kyle challenging me to a marksmanship competition, and he gives me a slingshot is the level of difference in ability between a starter deck and the ones I've made. I really dug that grave myself of probably like

three grand of magic cards sitting there useless for like a year. Why isn't magic a popular eSport? I don't know. I have no idea. Because you have Hearthstone? I haven't played Hearthstone. I've heard it's neat though.

Actually, I'll tell you one thing. I played Hearthstone on my iPad a couple years ago. I played it a bit. I played it a bit. And then after the fifth game, Blizzard's so genius at introducing people to new mechanics and stuff.

And I like played it for like, you know, a couple of games. And I was like, oh, my God, hold on a second. I'm pretty sure I kind of know how to play Magic now. After years of looking at Magic cards and everything, like I get it now. I understand kind of how the game works. Then I downloaded the Magic app and i played the game on the app um and i was just like it taught you how to do it and i like kind of like hearthstone was like the the portal into magic for me because i only played magic recently and i've only played

it like on the app or with my buddy's cards and stuff but i gotta tell you one thing that's really cool about owning all those cards is like the flavor text on every card and the pictures are so sick like i could just honestly if they if they're useless and no one buys magic cards anymore because i heard there's like some that are just like worth 10k just put them by the shitter and every time you're you're you know dropping a deuce like start reading your magic cards it's like yeah, entertaining. Yeah, that'll help the resale value. Well, you don't want to resale. You're totally right, though.

A whole new meaning to flavor text. The whole world of Magic, like how detailed it is and how good the artists are that they hire and contract to do it. It's really neat. It blows Pokemon or Lord of the Rings or any other trading card game out of the water

as far as the depth of the world and the art. Why don't you want your cards to be virtual? Because it seems like that's where the people are. I don't want to buy virtual cards. That's the thing. If you play Magic the Gathering online, which is pretty big, I assume it's really big,

I don't play it because you still have to buy cards. And it's to the point of like, all right, if I want to remake this deck that I have in this deck box that cost me like $600 to make. You should be able to scan your deck in. They should be able to confirm that it's it. Then it would make it cool because people with comics, I know they still buy digital comics so that they could read their favorite comics

without touching their real versions of their comics. I mean, you should be, you're like, they should figure that out. Because I'm sure there's lots of people who have Magic cards that want to play. And it kind of still has value, the fact that you have these cards and you could use them. And that's part of it, right? Is that you have decks that people don't have. Yeah. The fun part of it, right? You have decks that people don't have? Yeah. The fun part of it is

it's tangible. If I want to go like, I have a $100 card or something, I can go pick that up. If you want to go poo and read it, you can do it. Yeah, but I don't want to go spend half as much as my actual deck costs on the same deck online.

If you wanted to poo and read it, you could probably do that with the digital one. But you can't wipe with the digital one is what you're trying to say. You know, I have, like I was saying, that guy that, like, works in my basement streaming video games. He's 23 or 24 years old. I'm 31. And another buddy of mine who's 33 came over to my house and he brought like his 1991 marvel card collection the ones with the white background and uh it was my buddy dave and me and dave are looking at the card

collection and i'm like oh so sick i remember these i used to have these and we're looking through them and then mike the younger guy comes and he walks into the room and he's like oh cool cards and we're like yeah and he's like so like how do you make them fight and then i was like oh that's funny like i never realized and i'm like well mike when when i grew up cards were just to collect there was no game it wasn't like the marvel like the first game that i remember fighting was like that marvel game and then it was like pokemon i'm like no these cards actually i guess do nothing and he was like so, what are you supposed to do with it? I'm so stupid. What are you supposed to do?

I'm like, you just look at it. He's like, well, how do you win? I'm like, nobody wins. That's like that scene from the Outlaw Josie Wales when Clint Eastwood asked the Indian if he's got any food and he's like, no. Just got this piece of rock candy but it ain't for eating.

Just for looking through all right let me sneak another ad in here seems about like a good time yeah oh and harley's got a gut well let's do that first thank you for coming on the show we always appreciate it very much dudes thank you so much i love it i'm honored to have been here on the 300th episode. I'm pretty sure I was on 67 or 68 or something. But, like, shit. How long have we known each other now at this point?

It's wild. Thank you so much for always inviting me. I'm always down to be a guest. I love when Chiz hits me up, slides into my DMs. Love having you, dude, honest. Yeah, it's always fun. All right, guys.

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And they'll give you 15% off your entire purchase. That's MVMTwatches.com slash pka. Check them out. Get yourself a watch. It makes you look nice. It'll help you know what time it is. And it'll help you know what time it is. I think that's actually a lesser thing with watches.

In this day and age, I feel like people use their watches more to show that they're stylish, you know? Like, all the MVMT watches, they have style. Like, that's the point. More than time. That's a question for you, Woody, over there in the text chat. Well, then, no.

Okay. The group says no. The group says no. Say it like we're being vindictive anyway that sucks we couldn't have Harley on longer I always like talking to him he's a very interesting fellow yeah Harley's great

and he really has gotten into good shape because, you know, being the head of Epic Mealtime for a while seemed to include, like, being 40 or 50 pounds overweight. So he's gotten in really good shape. He looks big. Yeah, he does. Just guessing. I don't think it's the Epic Meals that are the big issue, right?

That's just one meal a week. Well, it's what comes with the epic meal really you know because like i i think i've been there or been part of like four of them maybe just three i don't know and every time it's it's kind of a party that's the thing that's where i was headed it's the lifestyle right there's some travel there's some fast food there's some like a heavy workload like the whole scene is not conducive to a good diet not just the meals themselves yeah i think and that night i think he liked to eat a lot and he didn't work out at all you know

with all the traveling of course but everybody likes mcdonald's mcdonald's is shit food that's the worst i had some taco bell today only the only the best but i only got the uh the grilled chicken burrito so i was healthy like good for you making those tough decisions for me like i on weekends i've been doing the paramotor thing a lot and uh this isn't paramotor talk it's like that is a lot of like exercise that comes with it, carrying the stuff around, etc. It's just that what it comes with is eating out, and that's not good. I like eating out. I really love eating out.

I mean, every now and then, if you eat out enough, then all of a sudden those home-cooked meals are the ones you look forward to. You're like, oh, yeah, we're cooking tonight. Ooh, what are we cooking? It's 3 a.m. Shepherd's Pie a kid it was the opposite as a kid it was like of course mom's cooking tonight what's your cooking uh rice and fucking salmon oh not salmon yeah we're on salmon night but we're going out tomorrow night yeah all right but now it's the opposite it's like it's like yeah i'm gonna cook a shepherd's pie tomorrow night. It's going to be tasty. I'm going to get some lamb.

It's going to be nice. My mother always said that her gift to my future wife was low expectations for dinner. So all childhood long. Christ. What did you say, Taylor? Was your mom a bad cook? I guess, is she a bad cook? I know she listens, so don't get your feelings hurt, Mama Woody.

I think she was. I think she was. What was her go-to? This is a good way to figure this out. What was her go-to meal? It's what we now call chicken on the bone. She'd cook eight chicken breasts at one time and then serve those over time throughout the week. So just baked chicken does that make sense and uh day and then serve it to you guys like you were all on a

workout plan throughout the week yeah and it's chicken on the bone right so it has like the skin on it and everything and then we just sort of rip the skin off and tack it with a fork that was her go-to a lot of rice and peas which i didn't really enjoy till my adulthood um well there's nothing to cook in those that's just like beep yeah yeah the thing she cooked yeah there weren't a lot of mixed meals there was my my favorite meal ever was um chicken and dumplings that she made but we would only get that every couple of months. Oh, that was a special day. Yeah. But mostly it wasn't.

So my father, though, had a lot to do with this. He just preferred simpler meals. So she would make what he liked and we would eat it. He just wanted more time to fuck is what it was. That sounds like dad. Get out of that shit. Get inside of us so I can get inside of you. Start the microwave. Hit bake.

Hit the bed. We got shit to do. What a scary home life. I don't remember what my mom would cook, but she would cook. She probably cooked three, four nights a week, something like that. Probably maybe more. I don't really remember. But I remember there were lots of standard classic meals.

I don't know. There was always mashed potatoes or rice or something with every meal. It just depended on what kind of meat and bread there was. Some time in my teenage years, I think my mother got depressed. And her mothering took a step back. And I remember that she discovered that you could buy steak at Sam's Club, which for people don't know, it's like a Costco. Yeah. Yeah. And so they would go and they would buy like, I don't even know, like 18, 20 steaks. And then they taught us how to make them in a toaster oven.

And I thought this was like the bee's knees. Suddenly, I can cook steak. You just put it in the toaster oven. I don't remember how many minutes it was, like 12 or something. Like something from Kitchen Nightmares. You're putting it in the toaster oven, are you? You're cooking steak.

These customers know they're eating steak from a toaster oven. That's what you would ask. We would eat it all the time. Jackie came around, you know, in my late teenage years, early 20s, and she's horrified. She's like, you eat steak in the toaster oven? I'm like, yeah, you want one? Like, I didn't know that this wasn't even good food. To me, I...

Baked hot pocket stuck to the bottom. It's pretty great. There were years when the house was just poorly stocked with food. to the bottom. It's pretty great. There were years when the house was just poorly stocked with food. So I had this friend, Matt Stapora, and his mom would see me like a stray dog. You know, and she'd come over and

she'd feed me and like really stuff me up. Instead of like water or something, she'd have usually cranberry something. And when I told her I liked cran strawberry, all of a sudden she had it. All the fucking time. Cran strawberry was just stocked in her house because I was such a big fan. It wasn't stocked at my house.

I don't know what we drank, but it wasn't anything I liked. So, yeah, we'd go to the Stapora's. Was it G Fuel? Yeah. Well, I would have liked that. I can still remember. I was not very picky with food or i'm not very picky now as a kid i was more picky as you tend to and still to this day the only like super super common food

that i hate are beans doesn't really matter except for green beans because i don't know why but everything the green beans i just fucking hate beans and i can still remember sitting at the kitchen table i must have been must have been like six five six seven that age and my mom had made chili and you know how as a kid you get home from school and then you get like a little update we're like mom what's for dinner what's dinner and any time that I heard chili like my whole stomach would hurt because I'd be so anxious and stressed out because I fucking hated beans in every form and I remember remember sitting there, muscling down like a third of this bowl, just sitting there doing that kid thing where you sit there like you're in line for execution,

just hoping your parents will be like, do you really hate it that bad, Taylor? You don't have to finish it if you hate it that bad. My dad did not play those games. He was, well, if you cry into it, you're just going to have to eat the tears too. Oh, fuck. So this is real. And so my mom was always a little more on my side. Oh, he doesn't like it. He doesn't have to eat the tears too fuck so this is this is real and so my mom was always a little more on my side oh he doesn't like it he doesn't have to eat it my dad was like no because he's gonna get up and get a snack in about an hour he's gonna finish that uh chili

by this point my dad's watching tv my mom's cleaned up the rest of the kitchen and i've been sitting in front of a bowl of cold chili for like 40 minutes and i kind of like get it a wild hair up my ass of like i can eat this whole thing really really fast and then just go play with toys like you can do it like i was hyping myself up to take a chump like a parkour master like you can do it and i kind of like went and ate like three bites really fast like didn't swallow them like just shoveled three mouths worth in there and just kind of sat there and like got like two chews in like looking around hoping that like one of my parents would look over and be like oh good job that's all you needed to do

but they weren't looking because my dad was watching sports my mom was cleaning i just remember that last chew going like and i just just right back into the fucking bowl it didn't all get in there some of it missed but like it was a near full bowl of chili because i didn't eat that much and i just vomited the rest of like whatever side we had and a bunch of water and beans into this chili bowl and my dad like i look back obviously knowing this is a joke but in the time like my heart like i would have volunteered to be killed he was like that's too bad you still gotta finish And I was like, I didn't realize that he was clearly joking at the time. So I was like, almost like wailing. Like, oh, I can't possibly finish these beans.

They're already chewed up and vomited. You can't possibly. And eventually it was like, God, just get out of here. Like, it was really just a lesson that if you throw enough of a fit for long enough, you will get your way. My wife made chili. This is recent. Two and a half weeks ago or something. I don't like it.

I don't like it. I don't know what it is. I think it's whatever powder she puts in it to turn beans into chili. What? Chili powder. Yeah. I guess that would make sense. Yeah.

So anyway, whatever powder she likes, I don't like at all it's awful and i've been telling her for years like like every time she makes chili i'm like no no chili like why why how does she how does she facilitate the cooking is she making this in a pot on the on the stove I guess. You want to get a slow cooker involved if you're making chili. My chili is delicious. Her chili is shit. And like two weeks ago she made it and I'm like sick, right? Like I've got this – it wasn't that I had to vomit. It's that I could have, right?

I've got this like – all I would need to do is that like compressed your chest thing while leaning over a toilet and I would have puked. But I didn't, and I had an upset stomach over it. And I'm thrilled over this situation. I'm like, honey, your chili makes me sick. Now I don't have to eat it anymore. Now we can take it off the menu because it literally makes me sick. And for, like, a day or two she had sympathy.

Now she wants to get more scientific with it. the menu because it literally makes me sick and for like a day or two she had sympathy now she wants to get more scientific with it she wants to like keep feeding me this chili that's she wants to keep eating chili to make sure it was actually the chili that made me sick to make sure it was actually the chili that made me sick. Tell them what else you ate. What are you, a blanket? You're in trouble. Tell them what else you ate. No, it's my story.

Tell them what else you ate. I'll tell it like I want to. It's possible I ate a lot of pickles that same day. And drank the juice of the pickles. Is it hot in here? It's really hot in here. Oh, that was great. the pickles here is really hot here Taylor and I are both like oh shit in here going on about how she makes a meeting was you did get sick from it but you also ate

a lot of pickles and drank a bunch of pickle juice so that could that could add to it that's her theory but no I've got years of experience drinking pickle juice it doesn't make me sick it's the god damn chili but like I said she wants to try it again

in isolation and see if it makes me sick again. It's like an experiment. Yeah. It's a silly recipe. There should be a couple different kinds of beans in there. She should be getting some very nice meat. She should be in the slow cooker all day, cooking those flavors in. I don't know how people cook all day.

If a meal takes longer to cook than to eat, to me... Like a crock pot. He's saying like a crock pot where you just throw a big side of a pork shoulder in there or beef or whatever and then a bunch of potatoes and carrots and onions or whatever and then you just turn it on and it goes

for like eight hours and then you show back up at home, your house smells great and you go, food ready right here and it's falling off. The meat's falling apart. I love pork roasts. That's the best in there. I like slow cooker stuff. I do as much stuff in the slow cooker as I can. I get on GIF recipes on Reddit

and I like to make those recipes as much as possible. I like to cook. It's always fun. How long was she there? Most of the rant. How did I not see her on camera? She gave Kyle some eyes of like, oh, you better believe after this show's over,

we're going to have a talk about chili. Did she really? Yeah, she stood there for like a solid five seconds. I thought that you could see her standing behind you on your camera, and so I wasn't going to point it point it out though because it was too funny no it wasn't until i felt her that i was like oh you were shocked you're like yeah and then i instantly thought like what are you talking about no she couldn't have walked in on like, I don't know.

Oh, just perfect. You're like, and so I thought I wasn't going to have to eat it anymore. And then she comes in. And you're like, and this stuff makes me sick. It literally makes me sick. And she's going to make me eat it again. And then she like grabs you. She makes this disgusting chili.

And then. Yeah, I'm not a fan. I was hoping she was going to sit there for a while and like go with it. And I was going to start trying to pull stuff out of you. Tell us about it. Tell us what you dislike about Jackie. Has her driving improved? And let him go on a rant about that for a minute.

That would have been good. Oh, or bring back up the... I bet if we somehow tricked him into bringing back up that security company thing back at the old house. I bet that's a fresh wound. I bet you throw a little lemon juice on that. That one might make a problem, too. That's one where she did kind of my bad. Because I told her to cancel it, and she didn't.

And then I checked up on it like like i said like a year year and a half later i don't know like a long time and uh there it was yeah frustrating um yeah that's a frustrating one but hey you know that your house was secure not mine the other house the house was secure yeah you should contact me. Just so you know. Pretend like you did it on purpose. Just so you know, I've been paying for your security for the last year. I just want to let you know because we cancelled the service

recently. It's all over. Look out for yourselves. I'm not asking for anything in return. I'm just the kind of guy who'd ask that you pay it forward. Do some kind of passive-inducing. I was thinking that maybe you'd pay for my security for the next year you know i wonder how the buyers are doing they seem like nice people i shouldn't talk about them because i'd hate for my subs to give them attention but

why yeah okay they seem like nice people that's all you should start doing that with guests now anytime they start being like so this buddy of mine you go is he white a little aside i want to know what we're talking about here all right keep going this is a very ethnocentric program. Not even a drop. Remember in Oz when he got the black gum transplants and it was such a problem that he had a black

man's gums and it was his gums that they kick him out and he becomes a bitch and he cuts his own gums out with a razor blade. Do you guys watch Ballers?ers no haven't heard of it rock it you may have heard of it it's the rocks thing where he plays a sports agent oh on hbo yeah yeah i've seen that as i've scrolled by it's not good good ish you know my problem with the first season in particular is that it really

seemed like a vehicle to make the rock into like some sort of super he already looks like an action figure right and then you know he drives the coolest car some sort of sports car he probably doesn't even fit into and he's like everything he says he's cooler than everyone around them he's wiser than everyone around them like guys are getting into fights or something and he's the mastermind who figures out how to engineer espn interviews and this and that to like cool everything off and get people out of trouble and he's so freaking perfect in it that I'm like, is this just a rock advertisement? It's not really. No one's that clever and perfect everywhere all the time.

I haven't seen it, but I know of it, I guess. I'm not a huge rock fan. I'll watch his movies when they come out, but I didn't think I wanted to see a TV show with him. The last thing I watched was The Conjuring 2, which I thought was terrifying. The Conjuring, the first Conjuring was really well made, and I thought the second one was too. For a horror movie, it's not cheesy or low budget. It's a high budget, well acted, well directed, well shot, scary movie.

The Conjuring, the first Conjuring is excellent, and the second one was really scary, but probably not as shot, scary movie. The Conjuring, the first Conjuring is excellent. And the second one was really scary, but probably not as good of a movie. That's the challenge with horror movies. I really enjoy a good scary horror movie, but it seems like four out of five of them are awful. You know, if you watch a rom-com, it's going to be like average to good.

It's never going to be great. And it's rarely going to be absolutely dreadful. A horror movie can just really waste your time. It can be stupid. Yeah, I like the conjuring a lot. Horror movies are the easiest genre to fuck up, I think. And it's a big risk-reward genre, right? Because you can make these low-budget movies

that make $100 million, so you've got lots of people throwing their hat into the movie-making business as they start in horror. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. It seems like the amateurs flock to horror. All they do is film at night and shake the camera a lot and hope they have a winner.

Works for the Blair Witch Project. Yeah, they're making a new Blair Witch is coming out. Really? The Conjuring is fucking terrifying. You know, it's demons and ghosts. That's the thing, that it's both. And it's good special effects, and they build suspense.

And there's lots of jump scares, which I don't decredit a movie for jump scares. They're good jump scares. I don't know. In the second one, there's this thing where, where like her husband paints this picture that he saw in his dream and it's a fucking like demon it's a nun with like demon eyes and it's like hanging on the wall in his office and she goes into his

office and like hands start coming out from behind the painting and like grab the painting and it runs at her with that as her face and it hits her and she falls and then you're like oh shit what's going on but when she like gets up now she's been like she's in a basement somewhere and she's like how do i get in a fucking basement it's just lots of dead bodies

and glowing eyes and and scary shit why did he hang it up in his office it seems he didn't know it was a demon she was keeping that from him it's it's a whole thing he just thought it was something he dreamt of um it's they good movies. I like them a lot. And it's about... So the Conjuring movies, both of them are supposedly based on Ed and Lorraine Bratton or something like that who were like paranormal investigators

in the 70s, I guess. And they investigated that Amityville killing and a few other things. I like Paranormal. And I think the newest one i haven't seen and it's a little bit different like it's not just an hour of waiting for a little payoff i need to check out the newest paranormal i heard it was good you took a paranormal activity movies yeah that's what i'm trying to say so the last one i saw i think was the one with the um it was

like an la and they were all latino um that one was pretty pretty bad that was the last one i saw how many are there maybe five i guess jesus christ they go full circle though it's kind of cool like you get to the end and you see it's it's a big loop you know they they keep going they all feed into one another huh yeah i only saw the first one of those and it was spooky no but and it definitely got you with some jumps like in the end when uh spoiler for this movie that came out 12 years ago or whatever and it just like is you're looking at the door and all the shit's gone down and it just like lunges at you and then kind of like does the jump scare it was when he goes into the attic to like look for it and like and then there's the part where it drags her down the hallway in the

first one that was terrifying i remember watching that by myself at like i don't know 25 years old or something and being really scared but then the second woman the second one the second paranormal activity movie i was in a hotel with a girl traveling somewhere on the road. I don't know. Some city. And I just remember us literally, I was like, let's watch Paranormal Activity 2. And she's like, ah. I don't like those movies. And I was like, I really don't either. They genuinely

terrify me. I'll be screaming and stuff, but I enjoy that rollercoaster experience. We're holding onto each other hard. I've got both arms wrapped around her, and she's got both arms wrapped around me, and we're just watching like, ahhh, holding on really tight because it's so fucking scary.

Those movies frighten me. They do. I always get embarrassed when I'm in a theater and I jump bad at a time where it's not even a horror movie. You're not supposed to jump. You're just watching. What fucking movie was it? I don't remember the movie, but it was probably within the last three years

where it was just panning around a scene on a lake or something, and then you just heard it cut to a dog, and the dog was just like, like, loudly barking. It was just meant to be like, oh, where are we now? Oh, a dog's barking.

Is it a dangerous area of town? I know it was meant to like inspire like change and transition. But to me, I was just like, no, no, Jesus. Okay, all right. You got everybody. Nobody, all right. Everybody saw, but that's okay. I get scared.

I definitely get scared for movies. I get really into them because I feel like the tone and the like the feel of the movie, you have to get into that. So like I won't watch them during the day. I won't have a laptop cracked open. It's all the lights go down. The volume gets cranked way up. Sometimes I put a

headset on, but that's a little much. Lights down, volume up, and really focus on the movie and try not to miss anything. It's a little bit like a rollercoaster experience. It can be terrifying. What's the best horror movie you've ever seen?

I think this is a good question because there are so many different kinds. I wonder if you're a jump out scare or are you like a psychological in your head scare? Yeah, The Shining is probably the best one ever made because it is horror and it's it's a pretty much like best made like like it's shining the shining oh the shining yeah yeah the shining is probably the best one but but um i don't know the conjuring as far as modern movies that are that are good scary horror with that are kind of traditional like it's you know

demons and ghosts and you know like a family story I think The Conjuring is really really high up there. The Babadook really scared me a lot. I thought The Babadook was scary. It was really good. I don't know. Most classic horror the Jasons and the Freddys

they're real shit movies and there's a lot of nostalgia going on. A lot of member berries. And part of my challenge is I like, I'm different too, right? So, like, when I watched a Freddy movie, you know, The Nightmare on Elm Street, I was young, and it impacted me. If I saw it now, I might not like it as much. Poltergeist. Poltergeist was so scary to me.

I was, you know, afraid for a long time afterwards. The tree in the window during the thunderstorm, as it scratched and stuff, that was really scary to me. But I don't know how adult Woody would view it. I watched that not too long ago. It's still fairly scary. You know, like, Carol Ann! Carol Ann! Come back to the light, Carol Ann!

Don't watch the second and third one. Don't do that. I didn't even know there was a second oh yeah they kept on you said jaws a few seconds that's one that people don't think of as a horror movie but as a kid that absolutely terrified me because even as a child like if you watch a movie about i don't know some creepy monster like i do think there's a part of your brain as a kid that's like that's really scary scary, but I do know that that ten-armed monster doesn't actually live in my closet. Like, I know that.

Like, it should have been obvious to seven-year-old me that a 30-foot shark didn't live in my closet either, but I did not put those pieces together. So I was, I did not go into the ocean like the next, I don't know, couple vacations that our family took to the beach. Yeah, it's the movie that made you afraid to go back in the water. Yeah, it definitely scared me too. It frightened people into going, that people were afraid to go to the pool. Like, it was a scary movie. The Exorcist, of course, is very scary. It's a little dated now, you know, after like 40 years or whatever it's been.

Your mother sucks cocks in hell. Your brother sucks cocks in hell. It's like, holy shit. Fuck this. That was probably because I watched that movie. Yeah, I watched that movie when I was maybe like 10 the first time. And that was, at the time, the worst sentence I'd ever heard anyone speak. And so it was almost like an eye-opening thing of like, your mother sucks cocks in hell.

And it was like, oh my god. Like, whoa. Whoa. People talk like that. Only whoa that people talk like that only a demon girl like that yeah said that shit a little girl she was possessed event horizon with sam neill and uh i think uh i can't think of the other uh lawrence fishburne maybe i'm not sure if he's in it i haven't seen event horizon event scary, man. It's space. It's basically space demons, okay? So there's this special spaceship called the Event Horizon.

I think that it's like transportation mechanism involved creating large amounts of gravity through energy waves that would then fold space. And somehow they opened up a realm to another dimension. that would then fold space. And somehow they opened up a realm to another dimension. And so it's like this crew is going out to check on the spaceship and see why it's been gone for so long. And when they get on board, basically this ship has been over to another dimension. It's been into a hell dimension pretty much. And parts of that hell dimension have bled over into the ship and vice versa.

And every time someone gets a glimpse into the hell dimension, just a flash of it, they go crazy and try to kill themselves and stuff. And it's very gory and very violent. Oh, you know another good one. Wait, what was that called? I want to remember because I want to watch that. Event Horizon. Event Horizon. Another good one. The thing about the base up in antarctica or the south pole

north pole wherever and there's one of them is a shape-shifting monster and it's just a whole movie of figuring out which person it is at what time because it'll be like a scene of three people standing there in like the medical laboratory or something and then the lights will go out and then lights come back on and same three people there but then one of them starts acting a little weird and then maybe another one starts acting weird in response to the first weird one so you're thinking the whole time like who could it be like that's a great move and and part of your brain will be like, ah, but remember this is a screenplay, so really I'm just, you'll start thinking like, ah, I'm just thinking that, but these are just actors reading their lines.

But no, there are subtle clues mixed into that screenplay and the on-screen stuff we see to let us know who the alien is in the end. John Carpenter talks about the sparkle in the character's eyes, and what he means is like catching a certain reflection in the character's eyes to let you know this is still human. So at the end, Kurt Russell is drinking the beers or liquor or whatever it is. I think it's beer. As the place burns down, he's drinking his beer. And he's like, yeah, it was, you know, kill the aliens or whatever, right?

And it's the black guy left with it. They're the last two left. But if you watch earlier in the movie, he was filling those bottles up with gasoline, making Molotov cocktails. So when the black guy drinks the beer, he's drinking gasoline. But he doesn't know it's gasoline, because he's never had a beer before, because he's a fucking alien. And Kurt

Russell looks back like, yeah, yeah, we got him, alright. And that's the end of the movie. It's Kurt Russell knowing he's got one more to go. He's not done yet. And he knows he's going to die because there's no way to get out of here. But you can tell that all he cares about

is killing this last alien. Why is Kurt Russell going to die? Because they're in the North Pole. And they just blew up their... Yeah, the whole shelter is gone so he's going to freeze to death. I see. Yeah, they're fucked.

I was looking at a list to give you some inspiration. Aliens? Oh, that is a good one Especially like the second one But 28 Days Later Is an amazing That's really good And one I wouldn't have thought of

Shaun of the Dead That was funny It's not a horror movie per say But I really do enjoy it I like that and Hot Fuzz Also not a horror movie yeah not more but hot fuzz it gets really fucked up in the end they're like for the greater good that they've been like killing uh homeless people and nefarious children and just burying them in some catacomb

underneath the city oh then i'm thinking of the wrong movie oh no you're not it just gets crazy at the end oh yeah well It seems normal until the end. Can we do an AMA question? Sure. If you were in Hope's position and deciding on a college major now, what would you choose to make money and what would you choose for fun? Or what

you want to learn more about? She should choose for money engineering. Since there are going to be a fuck ton of... I mean, she's female, so there's going to be a lot of incentives to try and get her into certain programs and get her into certain areas. And so that's just a given. And by the way, and throughout her whole career, right? She'll be 30 years old and they'll be like, you know, there's hardly any female engineers here.

We should promote them and give them shit for no fucking reason. Carry on. Yeah, so that would be a good one for money. And you learn a lot of valuable skills. For fun, I'd probably like history for fun. At least for me, that would be my fun one because learning about history is really interesting, especially if you can take classes on like,

oh, I took a class on Greek and Roman history, like very very in-depth and it was fascinating like i never minded having to read for that class because it was almost like oh i wonder what fucking like sophocles was up to then or like oh like look at this cool strategy the romans used in war and they actually kept good records so we know this unlike the dark ages where they didn't keep as good a record so we don't know exactly their battle strategy and sometimes like it was fascinating so history you learn about caligula uh yeah yeah we did did he actually like whore out the senator's wives to pay the the national debt down as it wasn't that a thing i don't remember it being senators wives uh maybe it was i don't remember a ton about caligula but i do remember that story being interesting i i honestly don't remember the

ins and outs of it it's good though i'm trying to think for for money see i'm so concerned about like outsourcing and you know the shrinking world and the globalization, I'd send her to something having to do with medical. Physical therapy, speech therapy, doctor, physician's assistant is a really good one. Something in that world. You can be a physician's assistant with two years after college, and then you can earn like a doctor's practice would.

They both open the same kind of business and do their thing as a family doctor. So that's, for money, I think I'd send her somewhere in the medical world, dentist. I think... Go on. Oh, go ahead. I forgot there was a fun one, too. Well, I was going to say, for money,

she'll always have steady work as a paramotor mechanic. Yes. Get her into the trades. No, for fun to me, I don't know, because it's weird, because I'm thinking, like, what would be fun for me

and what would be fun for her? Maybe she likes travel. I don't know. Maybe, you know, it's this thing, it's like, what would you go to school for? Because that makes it sound like,

oh, we're going to get on a career path, and it's going to end up here, and then here lets you do this. But to me, it's like, could we be a flight attendant for two years, like during school maybe, or like during when we're off school or something, and like get to travel for free? Flight attendant always struck me as a cool job that it seems like it's easier to get if you're a girl. Because I've never seen a straight flight attendant. My mom did that in, I guess it was

the 80s. She was a flight attendant for a couple years and just kind of traveled the world. Probably not like the world. Probably more like the U.S. The airports of the globe. Yes, the airports of the globe. From Newark to Lambert Airport

here in St. Louis all the way to Atlanta. Back and forth in the air. Exotic. If Hope wanted to straight up just enjoy herself and get like an MRS degree of some sort, I think it'd be theater. I think that's what she would like doing. She's not going to find a lot of people who want to take her up on that MRS degree in theater. Well, that MRS degree doesn't really matter what you major in, I think, right?

I was joking because they'd be gay in the theater department ah yes i see where you're coming from yeah she'd need to cross-pollinate with that uh yeah for sure she'd need to you know go to a club with some engineers or you know pre-law people maybe not pre-law the more i talked to friends who have done pre-law and whatnot the more it's like a lot of them seem to regret it because apparently the market of people getting into law and attorneys is incredibly flooded.

There are more attorneys looking for work than there is work for attorneys to do, so they're having to work in practices that they didn't think they would have to. That could be totally wrong, but that's what I've heard. I don't know many happy attorneys either. You could either be an attorney that pour's what I've heard. I don't know many happy attorneys either. Like the different kind. You could either be an attorney that like pours over contracts in detail.

That job sucks. That's a depressing office tied to your desk bullshit job. You could be like a tax attorney. That's a popular one. Oh, my God. Everyone you're dealing with is like at the worst moment of their life. I talked to an attorney who did real estate closings primarily, and that was kind of cool. It's almost like being the doctor moment of their life. I talked to an attorney who did real estate closings primarily. And that was kind of cool. It's almost like being the doctor that does baby deliveries.

Like there's a lot of good days in that. People are happy. But he used to be a criminal attorney. He's like, the problem with being a criminal attorney is you're dealing with criminals all the time. And, you know, in there you've got, like, again, people who are trouble, people who lie to you, people who maybe don't pay their bills. You don't want to be a criminal attorney.

You work with the worst people. There's all sorts of attorney jobs, and they're all shitty. It's not what I... Yeah, it seems so common that attorneys get their law degree and then practice for like 18 months and then are like, fuck this. and then are like, fuck this. I'm going to go be some kind of political correspondent or I'm going to be a writer or I'm going to go be some kind of consultant somewhere legally. It seems like so many attorneys,

as soon as they're able to practice, they're like, this sucks. I have no interest in being this guy. Because most people aren't. The overwhelming majority of attorneys are not trial attorneys. Most them would not do that well standing up in front of a judge and like pleading their case because that's not what their their day-to-day thing is most of them are just doing a bunch of meticulous paperwork and delegating research to paralegals all day and it does not sound exciting that is a great description of one of the attorney really you know attorneys in real

life right yeah yeah so that yeah it's not surprising that you know what the real deal is yeah because like going into it like going into college it was always like i always think of like being a doctor like going into the medical field medical school i thought of that as like the tippity top and then i thought of like uh and then then probably law school like those people are going to be going somewhere and then probably engineers and then probably whatever whatever whatever like it wasn't until a couple years later that i realized like no it's like medical and then engineers real close depending on the kind of engineering and then way down here in a distant third if it even is still third is being an attorney because they're

going to come out of school with an overwhelming amount of debt and most likely hate their first job because they're going to be like i just went to school for an extra three years busted my fucking hump in a shit apartment racking up debt and now i'm not making anything defending this guy that clearly was selling crack cocaine. It's the story my father told me. In fast forward, I worked with computers. I loved it, loved it with all my core for like six, eight, ten years, something like that. And everyone in the family was like, you know, Woody's so great.

He's good at his job and he loves his job. It's his passion. Everything is happy and joyous. And was like dad truth is like i don't i don't love it like i once did and he's like oh yeah i take eight years to figure out you're in pretty good shape if you were a lawyer it'd take you eight weeks and uh like that burned into my head like oh yeah i did pretty well took me eight years before the walk from the car to the office was one i'd rather not take. That's not bad because in accounting, it was like four weeks.

It wasn't my cup of tea. Kyle, what would you have – did you always know that you weren't going to do college or was there kind of a time where you were like, okay, I am going to go to college and I'm going to do this. I'm going to study business administration or whatever. Like how deep did you get into that thought process at the time? I don't know.

I've had a lot of thoughts. But it always seemed like a business would be the way to go. It always seemed like you could either like – it seemed like you'd get on top one or two ways. You could climb forever or you could kind of, I don't know, kind of wedge your way in the middle and start there. It seemed like you didn't have to start at base camp. It seemed like college was starting all the way at base camp, which is super safe and almost a guaranteed thing because you're getting used to not having oxygen and stuff.

But it was just like, I just want to start climbing. Can I climb now? It'll be all right if I fall, right? I'm still young. I kind of had that mindset. I wanted to own a business. I wanted to own something that made money. You told the story once of like a brother-in-law or something who went from like, I'm going

to mess it up. Maybe you can fix it. But like lawn mowing to power washing to something else to a whole frant. What'd they do? So it's my half sister's husband. So brother-in-law um um but but they got pregnant with twins when they were both like 19 years old or something like that and neither one of them had any money or prospects or what whatever so he just worked his ass off with whatever he could if he

his father owned a granite company but wasn't cutting him any slack at all like there was no money to be had but he had a job there. He worked there during the day, but then he bought himself a pressure washer so he could pressure wash houses on the weekends. So he'd work nine to five Monday through Friday and the afternoons he pressure washed houses. And then all weekend he pressure washed houses until he had like enough money to do a little bit better. And then he had two pressure washers and he got his, his, you know, like cousin to come help them and made more money. And I don't know now they they're very wealthy they're millionaires um you know they they started a chain of daycares and for the first thing they did was buy a house

to have their daycare in and you know they bought another house now we own two houses and you know and then they own three and then it was four and then it was let's build a place and and uh so now i don't know how many kids that they daycare on a daily basis, but it's dozens and dozens. They're maybe responsible for 75 kids a day every single day, and each one of them is paying an absorbent amount. It's so absurd. I don't remember what the number was, but it was like you get like 100 a head a day.

That's outrageous. It was almost like that. It was absurd. Each get like 100 a head a day? Like, that's outrageous. It was almost like that. It was absurd. Like, each kid was like a $100 bill running around, and to take care of each kid when you have that many, it was like, ah, well, Judy looks after them, and we'll get them some juice every now and then, and they do alright.

It was like, it was so low maintenance. We dump out about $4 worth of goldfish in the middle of the floor, just let them have at it. They'd have a blast. We upgrade. We used to be middle of the floor, now let them have at it. They'd have a blast. We upgrade. We used to be middle of the floor. Now we put it in a feeding trough and all the little children come running over. Because those daycares never give you sufficient snacks or juice or anything.

Like when I had to stay in like after school care as a kid, which is basically daycare that they did after school. If like your parent couldn't get you, it would be like, all right, everybody gather around. We're going to go to the cafeteria. Everybody did after school if like your parent couldn't get you it would be like all right everybody gather around we're gonna go to the cafeteria everybody in after school care and we're gonna have a snack and they'd give us like literally an oreo on like a napkin and then a dixie cup full of uh from concentrate orange juice which i i say that because from concentrate orange juice is is shit You need not from concentrate. Because concentrated orange juice is just, it's concentrated down and they re-add water to make it into a kind of orange juice. Not from concentrate means it's actually squeezed from oranges, I think.

Do they bill themselves as preschool or daycare? I don't remember. I think it's daycare. It wasn't preschool, you say. Yours wasn't. And theirs, you're not sure. Yeah, mine was not. I was, like, probably 11 at the time. It was just, like, they'd do it at our school. Like, if you needed to stay late, they'd just let you stay

until, like, 5 in the take area. I look at some jobs, especially dealing with children, and I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I would be terrible at that. It's management, though. It's just what you did with your Minecraft server, right? Like, every one of your customers virtually is a child, but it's not like you've got to babysit them.

They've got two or three of these daycares now. I'm out of date. They had two or three 15 years ago. I don't talk to her. They could have 10 of these things for an hour. They could be bankrupt. Who knows? I don't think that's the case. I'm sure they're doing fine. I lost my train of thought.

It's management. She's got people hired. What they should doing fine but i lost my train of thought oh yeah it's management there's she's got people hired there are people what they should be uh doing is you know you get that hundred dollars ahead for every kid and then you contact like the marketing department at fisher price or something and be like hey i've got a great focus group here you give me 12 15 grand you can send a representative here you know 10 to 2 and then you can display your toys and then we'll just set up a camera and see which one's kids like, which ones they don't. And they would absolutely pay money. I would find a good

teacher, pay her more than the other schools do so I don't fucking lose her and let that shit run itself. That's what I would prefer to do with it. I think this is daycare i the the what the way i always thought of it is like but whatever yeah it's just like a fucking supervisor you can have retarded kids do that job like i i mean you can anybody you just

gotta look at then you gotta hire another one and and there's gonna be times when they don't come to work i i swear if i found a winner i would just overpay her and let that deal with itself. Hopefully this thing is kicking off like $40,000 a year in profit. And if you pay her three, four more than your competitors would, great. Now it kicks off $36,000 a year in profit instead of $40,000. You're fine. Just pay her extra. And now you don't have to hire new people all the goddamn

time and hire yourself a miss sally like on oz they and oz they're always watching this like children's puppet show with this big titted lady named miss sally and at first i was like yeah she i guess they're big but like as the as it goes on like her children's puppet show is clear that like they're working that angle like like she's always got her boobs bouncing the puppets are right beside them lots of cleavage and then later on that show gets canceled and it becomes mrs miss sally's like exercise show so she's in like bikinis doing beach volleyball and stuff um i i had to i was like miss sally's tits i was hoping there were nudes of her on the internet i couldn't find any any. I'm sure her name isn't actually Miss Sally. Well, that's all you had to search, though,

and you got plenty of pictures of her and her cleavage. Ah. It's a beautiful thing. That's funny. Man, yeah, running a daycare would suck, but it also, now that I'm thinking about it, no, it couldn't be that easy of money because kids are so unpredictable.

Like, what would it be like you paying for them you're also taking on the liability of them causing some damage to your house right what if one of them just like shits clogs up the toilet doesn't tell anyone and then suddenly there's you know 10 grand of water damage that literally happened at my house when i was uh i was probably 14 and my brother had a friend over and he went into the bathroom. We were playing video games, didn't think about him at all for like 90 minutes. And he came back out, sat down. No hullabaloo was made.

This was a downstairs bathroom. My parents were upstairs doing their thing. It was down like a hallway, so you couldn't hear that telltale sign, that sound of water running. You couldn't hear it until my dad came down like an hour after that and basically didn't find out until he was walking down part of the hallway like five feet before you get to the entrance to the bathroom and you heard like a just soaking wet carpet all the way down the hall all the way in the bedroom that the bathroom was uh uh next to there was like standing shit water in the bathroom it was like it i had to that night my dad came

down with such a bad mood understandably i had to go into one of the bedrooms there and help him tear out the carpet in real time because he was like we can't let this wick into the carpet and then get into all the drywall everywhere because if we can't let this wick into the carpet and then get into all the drywall everywhere because if we don't get all this up that's gonna happen so we had to tear all this carpet up in the middle of the night and eventually they uh i'll go ahead how old were you i was like 14 probably the kid that did it was i don't know how old he was but the kid who did it didn't help just sat there and eventually his parents came and picked him up and his parents didn't offer to help pay for it or anything um that i remember obviously they weren't i wasn't a privy to the financial discussions at the time they

didn't call me in for that but it was like 10 15 grand worth of damage to replace all of this carpet and you know replacing carpet like when you have to tear up that hallway you don't just replace from that point in the hallway on you have to put new carpet everywhere that that carpet attaches to so it was a huge ordeal having to do that and yeah so I guess that would be a check in the con column for running a you know what running a daycare to us so I was a teenager I don't know call me 16 or something and my brother's girlfriend spent a lot of time at our house. And she was grumpy. I had a real hard time getting along with her. But anyway, our sewage, like leading from the house to the city well or city septic or whatever, got all clogged up.

And I forget the symptom of how we discovered it. But like things weren't working right or whatever. So like a crew has to like come out and dig up the backyard and they don't know exactly where this problem is so they're like digging it and there's this big like steep black steel pipe or something like that in the buried underground and they're like smashing it cracking it and um eventually it turns out that my brother's girlfriend had been regularly flushing her feminine hygiene products in our toilet. That bitch.

Everybody knew. I knew. My brother knew. My parents knew. She knew. Everyone knew. Our house got fucked up because she did something that even teenage boys know you're not supposed to do. But I think they just quietly sort of fixed it handled it and that was that because

they got in there and there was a wad of tampons this fucking big jammed in the pipe that somebody had to like reach in and like clog back out of there they're like yeah it's that dirty whore over there right look at this look at this you monster yeah it's like somebody flushed like a prom night, baby Congealed coppery nastiness. Yeah What company has forever lost your business and why Oh, this is a good question. I gotta think about dick sporting goods why kyle you what was that i went there to spend like a lot of money one day we needed lots of stuff i didn't get the name dick sporting goods which one dick's goods i went there to spend a lot of money one day i had a list of things that needed buying and it was like three grand worth of stuff it was a bunch

of stuff i needed like lots of shit among it was like an air hockey table and a ping pong table there was lots of stuff i was buying big things and i couldn't find anybody to fucking help me and i was just like hey i need some assistance i want to buy that weight machine and i want to buy that bench press and over in the other section there's two or three table games that I'm going to be buying too I was like so I'm going to need some help loading things and I'm trying to let her know I'm here to buy

three or four grand worth of shit it's real heavy I'm going to need like two guys like I'm going to need somebody with a scanner gun and a hand truck and like nothing ever came of it and I stood there for like like 25 minutes and I like had a bit of it and i stood there for like what like 25 minutes and i i'd like had a bit of a meltdown described the meltdown i was like this is absurd she's like well they'll

be here any minute and i'm just like where have they been she said they're in the back i was like i'm leaving i was like i'm here to buy i was like i was here to buy like this and this and this and this i was like i'm not buying any of it here i'll never come here again no i was and she's like well they'll be right out i'm like but i'm leaving i'm leaving they can come out but i'm not gonna be here that's what i'm saying i think i even tweeted at dick's sporting goods and i was like fuck you i'll never i haven't been back but i did go somewhere else and bought all i did buy all that shit i had a bunch of stuff that it really upset me i was like i'm here to do some business and and I can't get them to do their end of it, which is pretty much just take my money and give me their things.

I've got two. One, of course, is Dr. Mann, the dentist in Cary, North Carolina, that just ran too late. Consistently ran late. I've told this story before. I worked with him. I was like, hey, when are you guys on schedule schedule me for then all right after lunch got fired i fired him it's fucking run your shit better um but the other one is gunner optics the sunglasses these fuckers hurt my feelings like how they what they. So I was at a call of duty XP and I was like a competitor at the event,

the first one. And at the time, one of the ways to qualify was to like do really well in these online events. They'd run them for like 24 hours and someone got like the most kills in TDM or something. And then he reached out to me, team art and another guy, maybe fear crowds,

but I'm not sure. And said, Hey, let's be a a team we'll go together and whatever so i'm there and i'm picking up like my competitor gear which includes like a like shirt with my like a high performance fabric shirt that all the pro gamers wear and with my name on it and like some gunner optics and some other swag and like a bag and uh i'm standing in line and they help, like the line is slow. They're going through helping one guy and the next guy and the next guy. There's like 20 people in front of me and it takes everyone like two minutes, you know. So I'm just waiting and waiting.

And when they get to me, they help the guy behind me. And it's like, the fuck? And then they help the guy behind him. And like, then they helped the guy behind him and like then they held the guy and i tap tap tap on the shoulder like hey it seems like you skipped me and they're like this line is just for competitors and i'm like i i am a competitor like check my name it's on the list and i get this like sure it is yeah right like i'm faking or something and it's like you fucking ageist you know like you fucking skipped over me because I'm like I don't know 38

at the time and uh you know they're just like not having it and uh I eventually like look at like check my name it's on the thing and and then they they like begrudgingly there was no like oh i'm so sorry you know i i thought you were here with someone like like someone's dad i guess meet the minimum requirements yeah eight dollar sunglasses that we paid two dollars for yeah those guys are just they like humbuckets scummy skeezy cocks they reluctantly gave me my stuff and and they were just like total dicks about it so years later i was in an event with um i think either envy or optic was holding it and they did like a i don't know envy versus optic like at the optic house or something like that and they invited me

along not because i'm a pro gamer obviously but because but because, you know, like, at the time, if you put my name on a Call of Duty event, it would draw a few more eyeballs than maybe it would have otherwise. And I go there and I play with the guys and it's all fun. But then the Gunner people asked me to sign a release, right? And I didn't even know it was a Gunner event or anything. And they're like, you know, hey, can you sign this release so that, that you know we can use your likeness and all this shit you know in our promotional videos and i was like no right and they're like oh you know you have to like we've been filming you all day like it's gonna be really hard to like edit you out of of every scene all day long. These are wide shots of eight guys and nobody's one of them.

Well, you didn't seem to have a problem editing me out of the line earlier. Dude, exactly. And they're like, yeah. And I'm like, huh. Well, let me tell you a story. Once upon a time, I was at a Call of Duty XP event and just fucking laid it all out there like I just did. They skipped over me, next guy, next guy, next guy.

And I'm not quite over it. And they're like, could you just sign? No. And I didn't sign and they had to edit me out of all their shit. And it wasn't like they just blurred my face or anything. They just didn't use any scenes that I was in. And if I had an opportunity to do it again, I'd fuck them again. Because fuck

Gunner. They're pieces of shit. They treat me badly. And fuck Gunner. Yeah, they've treated other people that I like poorly. I don't like Gunner. They always kissed. See, this is something I really hate. This goes back to why I don't like some other people that I won't mention.

I hate it when people treat my friends badly and are nice to me. And I see that disparity, and I know that there's no reason for it to exist other than their own greed and what they're trying to extract from me. It just shows they just don't value this person over here at all. They just value what I can maybe do for them and whatever it may be and i hate that so much i immediately like hate you with a burning passion of hate and like i want you to do poorly at all things and like get in our accident and get injured i want you to not be able to get erections and your wife to leave you or something like i hate that i hate it i'm sorry when i talk it silenced you but that was some good shit kyle

are gun objects very valuable i uh the one that i won't go to is macaroni grill because i got hair in my food there but but it was two different kinds of hair at the same time. Not like, oh, a clear pube and then a clear head hair. No, there was a black hair. You might be like, oh, how do you know that wasn't your hair? Because my hair is dark brown. I know the difference between my hair, held up, dark brown, and black hair. There was a black hair that was maybe a couple inches long, and then

there was a longer blonde hair. And so there was a blonde hair and a black hair in the same dish. There was probably none of it in the actual food, because it was just like a burger from so many years ago. What the fuck was happening back there?

It was disgusting, but nothing ever came of it really i just was like i ate part of the food and i was like yeah there's i found hair in my on my plate and they were like oh my god i'm sorry do you want me to bring you another one i was like no no this is this is the last time i'll come here because one hair i could be like okay maybe there's just uh uh some mexican in the back didn't put their hair net on so there's a straight black hair there or something but no it was a blonde and a black hair. So there was a lot of recklessness, and clearly someone not putting the food where it should be,

because there shouldn't be two people with their heads dramatically over my plate at any time. Meanwhile, you missed the poor cook who just didn't wear their hair net that day, and they got a blonde mohawk or something like that, and that's all that happened. He's just got two-toned hair. Yeah, I wouldn't like a little smorgasbord of different kinds of hairs in my food like like I said like they shot an interracial porno over your over your your salad or whatever I don't want that food a lot of people consider hair to be like a really disgusting thing to put in it's a sign of the carelessness

in general see it's not the hair itself. I'll pluck a hair off your head and lick it. I mean, what could be on there? How much of anything? You could dip a hair in an actual pile of shit. And how much actual shit would be on the hair? You could lick that shit right off that hair. That's not enough shit to hurt you.

Especially if it's your own shit. Yeah, so it's not the hair. It's that this food once existed in a circumstance in which hairs could just fall right in. Because that means anything could fall right in. If there's hairs falling off your head, then that means there's boogers falling in. There's little eye boogers. You know, those little things you wipe away in the morning and flick away just somewhere into your room. Those might be in your food. Maybe some

earwax. God knows what could be in there. He doesn't have a hair net on. He's not safeguarding your food. It's moving around. And there's two different kinds of hair. That means that two different dirty people handle your food outside the rare two-toned chef circumstance. But you're right. It's not necessarily

the hair itself, but rather what the hair is indicative of, of like, okay, does this mean that, like, my chicken patty or whatever fucking dish it is, that this slid off the plate onto, like, the metal surface you're cooking on and got some hair, but you just thought, fuck it, I put it back on the plate, like, I don't think anybody

was standing over my plate, like, scratching feverishly on their hair. It just shows, like, you know, if you were careful, this wouldn't have happened certainly not twice from two different people so i had to wait just that time he smelled like shit um i didn't but that didn't really turn me against ruby tuesdays i've been back to ruby tuesdays since they've got a great garden bar but she smelled like feces i like ruby tuesday That's disappointing. It's a less good TGI Friday. I don't like Ruby Tuesday. I find most of their food to be

greasy based. I find it all to be frozen dinners that they're heating up just like most restaurants of that class but they have a nice salad bar. I put Ruby Tuesday above fast food but definitely below TGI Fridays.

Which I legitimately think TGI Fridays has some other foods really good. Their burgers are really good. I've never had their ribs look really good. If I'm in that category that's above fast food, but below an Outback Steakhouse or a Red Lobster, then I'm going to go to Five Guys because it's going to be really good fast food. To me, that's better than sit down at a restaurant and pretend like it's good food, but it's really microwave

dinners like it's Applebee's or something. You mentioning Red Lobster, another perfect example of a place I will no longer patronize because I've been there. It was years ago the last time I went to red lobster and their cheddar biscuits are fantastic that's the redeeming quality there they're good you can buy the mix

i order uh yeah we've had the mix before and i've made it upstairs but uh that's so funny we both have those but um yeah that's redeemable that's good that's the whole reason to go there red lobster the last time i went i must have been still in high school i ordered crab legs snow crab legs because that's what i order every time i go to a seafood place that has it because my fucking favorite and usually when you get a good snow crab like you know about the size of the leg when you break it there's maybe a little space on either side where the meat is and it doesn't quite fill it up all the way that whole cavity maybe most of it like when you pull it out it's it's near the size of where you pulled it from i swear to fucking god there was a cheap chef in the back room at this red lobster

taking a syringe like putting it into the crab and like pulling the meat out so we could like redistribute it to other crabs to save money because i've never opened so many perfect like cracks perfect clean cracks only to like look in both sides and be like huh well i guess someone beat me to it jesus like another one open fucking nothing like the little poultry dry scraps like you need your crab to be moist not dry it was the saddest crab i've ever eaten so i'm glad you mentioned that so red robin or not red robin red robin's great red lobster would take my top spot of a restaurant i will no longer go to because their crab is pathetic red lobster has booze which is nice sometimes um they have those biscuits which are really good and they have the admiral's feast

now you order the admiral's feast when you just don't give a fuck anymore okay you want a lot of fried food as a matter of fact you want all the fried food that Red Lobster has, you want them to bring it to bear immediately. It comes in a platter. This plate is this fucking big. It's twice as big as my head. It's huge. And it's oval. And it's hot.

And it's full of every sort of sea creature that the captain who's running this Red Lobster can lay his hands on. There's shrimp and little clams and oysters and all kinds of fried stuff in there. That's what I get. It's an enormous amount of food. There's, like, four different kinds of fish and shrimp and, yeah, it's good stuff. It's fried, though. So, like, there's, like, a loaf of bread worth of carbs on that seafood platter because it's just covered and fried.

And then I eat the bread. Then you eat and then you have the bread the uh the crab at joe's crab shack is definitely an echelon above red lobster but like an echelon below like a real like you know tony's seafood place or something like that but i i have serious reservations about going to jo's Crab Shack because you never know when they're going to start singing. You never know. They can start singing at any time. And that makes me profoundly – I can't even articulate it, the extent to which, like, my stomach hurts and my chest gets tight. Anytime at a restaurant, people start to break into song because I know – I look at their face and I know –

Happy, happy birthday. Happy, happy day. Really? I look at their faces. Like like they don't want to be singing this i don't they're looking at me saying this guy doesn't want me singing at him as he's trying to eat i hate it and they have to sing about how happy they fucking are to be at joe's when really it's like you see my drinks empty can you fucking fill it up in the chorus maybe maybe when they that guy in the back takes a break from beating those drums like those uh those bell drums from jamaica or whatever the hell those are those metal ones like oh oh man i hate when people sing this makes your stomach tighten up in your chest just it it makes me so uncomfortable to see large groups of people forced into a singing basically competition to so the manager can be like all right so if mr.

corporate walks in right now he'll see it's 337 and we're in the middle of song like everything's hunky-dory I hate that nothing this is maybe hungry I'm going to eat somewhere really nice this week now I think I need to go back to Morton's or something. I'm so hungry for something good now. I'd be annoyed. I told my friend, or I told the mariachi band at Casa Bonita. It's a real restaurant in Colorado. I went to it. Cliff Divers.

Very underwhelming cliff. So I told one of my friends who gets even more humiliated by that stuff than I do. He had got up to go to the bathroom and I went and talked to the mariachi band and was like hey it's this guy's birthday do you guys do any kind of thing and he's like uh yeah yeah well we go over there and then we're we're gonna sing to him and we put this big sombrero on his head so that everybody knows that you're singing at that guy and i I swear to God, my buddy Tim,

when he got back, it was almost like the slow motion before an action scene in a movie where he could see the... The doves are flying. The Michael Bay doves are flying slowly. There's lens flare, and you could see the mariachi man slowly walking, getting louder and louder as they approached. And he knew, because I must have given it away,

that they were walking over with their big sombrero to put it on his head and then just be like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, don't everybody look at this kid. And he got up and just ran. Just kind of got up and he jogged away. And he would not come back and sit down at this restaurant. Keep in mind, we were on a church bus trip, so it wasn't like we had fucking forever to eat. But he did not, he would not come back and sit down at this restaurant. Keep in mind, we were on a church bus trip

so it wasn't like we had fucking forever to eat. But he would not come back and sit down until he saw the mariachi band venture away to some poor unsuspecting victim on the other side of the restaurant. Disperse. Yeah. Pretty good.

I like doing that to people, telling them it's their birthday. But honestly, I like it when people do it to me because you get a free piece of cake usually or some free ice cream or something. I'm like, yeah, I'll suffer this minor humiliation if I get a free piece of cake. I don't like it, so it doesn't work for me, really.

Yeah, I'll absolutely do that. Did you watch the new episode of South Park? The 20th season debuted last night. I've read about what's in it. I haven't seen it yet. I'll end up watching it right after this, but you could spoil it. You know, I haven't seen it yet. I'll end up watching it right after this, but you could spoil it. I won't spoil anything, but they

parody everything that's recent with us from Black Lives Matter to social justice warriors again, of course, and political correctness and lots of new things. Of course, the old turd sandwich versus giant douche argument has come back up again, and they're pointing

that out again. Very good. And it's really cool that they... The 20th season, there's been a lot of build-up to this, a lot of lead-up. I knew it was coming for months and months. Everyone has, of course. We know math. We know how numbers work.

We know it's the 20th season. And of course, they've been making this thing forever, so this episode has been ready for quite a while, you would imagine. But they're still hitting on things that are extremely topical, like the athletes not sitting for the national anthem. That's a main component of the 20th episode, is the whole thing with the athletes not standing for the national anthem. And that's super relevant.

That just has happened. Did the entire Seahawks team not sit? I heard they planned to i don't know if it happened no i don't know but that but the question you just asked is the sort of thing that discussion that's happening at the beginning of the episode but it's girl it's that the girls soccer game they're like oh are they gonna sit are they gonna stand like what's gonna happen you know well i uh there was it was trending on twitter when it came out and like they the one clip that i kept seeing that people were tweeting was of the actual um

please stand now for our national anthem and uh it's so fucking funny like it's so obvious as a joke but when uh the announcer's like now please please sit in solidarity for the United States in pride in our country. Will everyone please stand, kneel, or sit for the national anthem? And it shows Colin Kaepernick frantically kneeling and then standing up and then sitting and being like, brilliant what J.J. Abrams has done,

uniting everyone. Yeah, they have J.J. Abrams reboot the national anthem. They're like, we want you to reboot this thing you did such a good job with star wars of course he reboots it same thing again it's just a repeat of the old one you know it's just the same national so yeah south park's still good uh looking forward to this season uh you know cartman is evil again and scary and they're just deplorable. He's wearing a shirt that says, Tokens, life matters. You know, because Token is the black kid on the show.

It's good stuff. They take a lot of shots at Amy Schumer. He's like, come on, you can be funny. You're a girl, right? Just say my vagina a lot and talk about having sex. No, no, no. Now say my vagina. Yeah, it'll be funny.

That bit, you would think, alright, well that's it. Let's move on. We've made fun of Amy Schumer. No, they keep going with that for like two minutes. Now say, my vagina. It's good. I like that they make fun of the people that I don't like and I like that they sort of lampoon the silly things about our culture

that are lampoonable. Who's the funniest female? Did you have one in mind? I've got three. One is Tina Fey. The other is Amy Poehler. And the other is Audrey Plaza. I think...

Audrey Plaza's hot. I don't think... I think Amy Poehler... Did you have her masturbating that came out with all the other leaked celebrity videos? That wasn't from a movie? Oh, no. That's her masturbating. Oh, no.

So that's... You know the scene I'm talking about. The clip you're talking about is different. I'm talking about is different uh i'm talking about a different clip where she's standing in front of a mirror in the whole like celebrity leaked fit of the picture thing yeah there's a plaza you mean a plaza yeah yeah see that i like her but um i definitely like her more now but amy i don't think tina fey is nearly as funny as Amy Poehler. I think of those three, Amy Poehler wins by 10 miles. I like Tina Fey a lot.

She's brilliant. In 30 Rock. Yeah, she did really well. I don't watch that show, so I'm probably biased. You might change your mind if you saw her in 30 Rock. I've tried to watch a few episodes. I don't care for it. I don't like that big-headed idiot, whatever his name is.

Alec Baldwin. Yeah. Is it his political beliefs or the show? I don't know anything about that guy's political beliefs. I just know that I don't... I've never thought he was very funny. Well, it's pretty good, though. I don't know. I don't think either

one of them are hysterically funny, though, when I think about them. I think that both of them have been good in their comedy roles throughout their careers careers neither one of them i'm like oh yeah remember that time when chris farley is fucking jerking his pants up and talking about living in a van down by the river and david spade is trying to keep a straight face but he's crying it's so goddamn funny i'm trying to think of the woman who makes me laugh like that well they don't that's just like so it's just the same thing as like when you make a list of the best athletes you don't make a co-ed list of men the same way if you're making

a list of the funniest people who have ever lived like if you're like top 100 funniest people like if they actually made a list of that and were intellectually honest, it would all be men. 100, though? Absolutely 100. I was being conservative there. It wouldn't be close. If I had to pick one, the funniest stand-up comedian female I've ever seen

who is on par with a lot of men still not up there with like the best of the best like bill burr um uh doug stanhope those kind of guys was uh joan rivers i've said it yeah she was fucking hysterical what an incredibly good stand-up if you haven't don't like don't think i'm being sarcastic or shitty if you are listening to this and you haven't listened to joan river stand-up just youtube joan river' stand-up. She's that lady that I always just assumed was like the plastic surgery woman that was always like, oh, my goodness, we're here on the red carpet. And it looks like Suzanne Somers is coming down in a wonderful red dress and would talk like that. But, no, her stand-up is hilarious. She has just like these note cards with these one-liners on them and she had tens

of thousands of them uh stern spoke at her funeral and that that was one of the things that that was given to him by i think melissa where he gave she gave him one of the cards that that from it was like from like the johnny uh carson days of her writing stuff johnny carson banned her from the show um so that that was one of the reasons that like uh stern has this hate for both jay leno and johnny carson and the whole tonight show and this whole thing it's it's interesting if you watch a lot of stern show when you see his real feelings start bleed through start to bleed through the stuff he actually hates and the people he doesn't like i wish i remembered who he was talking to but stay like oh oh it might have been conan who did um jay leno like take the show from was it

conan well first he did it to letterman way back in the day way back in the day 30 years ago or whatever but then conan more recently i forget which one of them he was working with but like he was hating on jay leno he was like warring against jay leno and it was like him and conan or him and and letterman were like both anti-jay leno and then his, whichever one of them it was, really kind of buried the hatchet and forgave Jay Leno. And Stern's like, damn it! I'm still out here fighting on your behalf,

and you're not even mad anymore. You really let me down. Yeah, he still hates him. I heard him saying it the other day. He's like, yeah, I had a conversation with Jay. And he said, yeah, but we're still friends though, right? And I was like, no. No, we're not friends, Jay.

Because I don't like the way you conduct yourself. We are not friends. And he's like, hey, you haven't talked to me since. That was it. I don't see. Jay Leno seems like a nice enough guy, I guess. Yeah, you know, still a few people's jobs. You know, whatever.

Just take their job. Did he? He does seem like a good enough guy, but I never actually watched his show and I don't know anything about him. I just kind of give him the benefit of the doubt because he's really famous and looks kind of like fat and lovable, I guess. I prefer Leno's show over Letterman's show, but I prefer how Letterman

kind of conducted himself over the years over Leno. It seemed like Leno was kind of a shitheel. And that's probably because I'm a Stern fan and I get to, I feed into that and I hear Stern always talking about how deplorable he is and what a terrible guy he is and all and all this stuff and uh but but but yeah that that whole thing with him you know because he took it from letterman way back in the day there was that thing but then with the whole thing with conan um that definitely brought it up again because i know that stern's really

close with conan conan's been on the show a bunch of times. I like Conan the most of all those late night guys. I think he's the funniest. I like, well, these days it's definitely Jimmy Fallon. I think he's very good. Jimmy Kimmel's really good too. I don't even watch these shows, but based on their YouTube presence, I like James Cardon. What's his name?

I don't know. Oh, he does this like carpool karaoke and a few other things and he'll just do like parts of his show intentionally making them very youtube friendly and he's just talented and funny the guy i saw him uh where's he at a show at it's one of the late night shows like it's a cable or um network tv it's like the Late Late Show or something. I could look it up. Yeah, I don't know who that is. Is he the one who's after Jimmy Kimmel?

He could be. He's on late night television on CBS. The Late Late Show. I don't know who's before him. I think CBS is... He can sing like he's actually good and

so that's like one of the skill sets he brings to this thing I saw a thing with Anna Kendrick coming on and she comes on like he's doing the show and she like comes from side stage it's all planned of course but it's like it's not and she's like what the I hear you've been saying

that you're the best like karaoke singer in LA and she's like what that i hear you've been saying that you're the best like karaoke singer in la and he's like with a guess he's like yeah because i am and they throw down and do like um what's the movie anna kendrick is in where they sing pitch perfect they do like a pitch perfect style competition going back and forth. It was pretty, he does. He's, he's my favorite right now. I've never,

I can't think of a single time that anyone on any station or any movie has broken into song that I haven't immediately turned it off or changed it. Oh, you didn't like the Buffy, the vampire, a musical episode. That was fun. The only one that I like,

um, is if it's like really funny. Like, so when South park has a song in like is if it's really funny. When South Park has a song in their show, it's like, alright, this is going to be good because it's going to be clever and the characters' voices are funny and the beat isn't some serious, like, we're doing music. And despite the fact that these guys

make like... It's just them with a mic just making silly noises before they do the actual song. Like, that's what I like about South Park. But any other, I can't watch musicals, really. They really just kind of stress me out. Watching people dance around it, sing, I don't care for it.

I like show tunes, all those dance numbers and stuff. I really liked Mary Poppins, all that stuff, yeah. Gotta get with it. I like musicals. I think it's a lot of fun I think yeah musicals can be good like in my heart I think oh I hate musicals they're all so stupid etc but a well done musical is fun I enjoy it

what's the one with the demon barber of fleet street it's the Johnny Depp movie where he's cutting everybody's throat Sweeney Todd yeah I like that a lot yeah yeah i mean i'm sure that it makes sense but they'd be good i just don't like it are you guys familiar with

hamilton the the broadway show no no okay so you're like me you pay no attention to broadway in general and i and i know that because hamilton is like the biggest thing that's happened in 20 years and you haven't heard of it it's bigger than Cats was it's bigger than like the Lion King was the Book of Mormon may not be as big as the Book of Mormon that's what I would see I wanted to see it the tickets were so expensive

dude this thing won more Tonys than anything else ever has what's it called? Hamilton Alexander Hamilton or Hamilton one of those two than anything else ever has. And the people... What's it called? Hamilton. Alexander Hamilton or Hamilton. One of those two. Ah, okay.

And the guy, like, mega millionaire off of it. Huge thing. And my daughter got into it, which is why I know about it. And I'm like, dude, there's no way I'm going to have any... She made me, like, promise to listen to her, like, as a payback for something she did for me. So on one of our drives home from paramotor school, I listened to Hamilton.

It was really good. It was really, really good. The whole thing is song. Every single line in the play, I guess it's called, was musical. And they sang it, and they told the story of Alexander Hamilton. And I was so in-depth compelled. Even though I'm driving, I'm hanging on every word in it. It was amazing.

It was amazing. I'd love to see it. I was angry that they're not recording it. They're making people go and pay extravagant ticket prices to see it. And it's otherwise just kept a secret. I like that. That's how it should be. That's theater.

I hear you, but it's so big and so good and so huge. They travel, right? I don't think so. I think you have to go to New York. In my mind, it's almost like a public resource that they should make a movie out of so everyone can benefit from this thing. That's anti-capitalist of me, I know. But maybe I just really want to see it and don't have another way, and I'm thinking selfishly. But Hamilton, for a guy who's just totally not into the musical scene, you might like it too.

It was really impressive. So, yeah. Maybe I'll look into that. Taking that as a not looking into it. Probably not. Well, if you really want to see it, it'll begin touring in Atlanta next year. I'm sure it'll be at the Fox Theater,

which is a very... Yeah, it is. Here it is. Big splash on the Fox Theater stage. Very nice theater here in Atlanta. Will it be as good? I wonder. Of course. It's the same people. They're just coming to Atlanta. That's what I wonder. I think it's already not the same people.

I think the first cast that won all the Tonys and stuff, I think a lot of them are moving on to their next show. Surely not. They get so much money for performing. They're getting paid every night. Do they actually make a ton of money? How much those stage actors make i have no idea i've heard um what's his name that doogie howser the guy not doogie howser um the one who he's got three names he's gay oh he's Patrick Harris Neil Patrick Harris so he does a lot of this stuff and he's always up for a Tony or something like that apparently they do very well like like they're going out like every week you know they do and they're doing multiple shows a week or something like that. Apparently they do very well. They're going out every week. They're doing multiple shows a week or something

that are one show a week, I guess, maybe. But every weekend, they're making a ton of money. He can't possibly need that much money rolling around in bed with his boyfriend on top of all that How I Met Your Mother cash. I bet that paid out huge, that show. I think they're married now. I know they got a kid or two. Yes, they are

married. You're right. Yeah, I've heard him talk in depth about that. He hangs out with Elton John and Elton John's husband. He's been on the... I love the Stern interviews. You find out so much in-depth stuff about celebrities. Probably the best interviewer alive right now. I really like

it. I really love those. I'm trying to think of some of the good ones that he's had, but he'll open those people up and have them talking about some outrageous shit. That really love those. I'm trying to think of some of the good ones that he's had, but he'll open those people up and have them talking about some outrageous shit. That's, yeah. PKA does that sometimes, too. We'll get a person whose whole online persona is based

around video games or something, and then we'll find out if they use sex toys or not. I feel like what we do more, though... He really came unglued last week. I couldn't believe he was just... So much filth was flowing out of his mouth. All the sex and drugs and stuff that go down at the Optic house, and he was just opening up about it,

telling us how it went down. Who knew they were all gay? Just kidding. I feel like the way Stern probably does it... He said just hand stuff. And you're more of a Stern guy, Kyle, than me, obviously, but I feel like the way he must do it is almost like you're picking a lock, where you're like, oh, okay, I'll ask this question.

We'll see where the – oh, no, let's ask this. All right, another step forward. Let's see that. I feel like what we do is we're just an ocean of shit that erodes away at them until eventually they get hit with like, oh, my God, they're talking about like dild preferences and and fucking um and clowns fucking kids or something horrible like and then before long they're like well i can start dishing my stuff this is like you know you know not nothing compared to what these guys have been saying pimple pop and talk here why not yeah just just different approaches one of ours might be ham-handed mayhaps absolutely but i i don't know but there's nothing worse than when he's interviewing someone i just don't care about if he's if he's interviewing somebody from like hall and oats or something like

oats is on it's like well tell us how you wrote the songs all right 10 minutes later all right that's about it like no more hall and then they kick him off but but sometimes like um they it was crisscross you guys probably don't know him. He sang that song, Sailing, Sailing Away. Anyway, that guy turned out to be an amazing guest. He just prided out on him, and he had all these stories and all these thoughts, and he was interesting, and he was opinionated. It's a long time ago. It was just like, huh.

Sometimes they shock you. I like when the people are trying to low-key be like, stop blowing my spot right here. Stop telling everybody what you're telling people right now. Stop it. Like Nick Cannon was like the host of America's Got Talent. He's a very good-looking black guy, actor, musician, all that shit. But he got a bunch of companies. actor musician and all that shit but you got a bunch of companies like um and so and stern's like when this guy what got finally became single his dressing room was just full of pussy and nick's

on the show and he's like you know i had a few friends back there and he's like, no, I'm talking models. Like, he'd have, like, five different models a day. So much pussy. And Nick's like, yeah, just kind of stop talking about that now, all right? You know, because we have a radio and there's some people listening. And he's like, and Stern's always got, like, information that, like, his researchers have gotten from, I see now you're dating this girl named Coco. He's like, oh, no, no! Coco's a friend! He's just really blowing his whole spot.

These people are always just like, yeah, just let it go, man. And sometimes he'll start talking about how much money they're worth. He'll be like, I read that your deal was in excess of $80 million for that movie. Now, that's a nice payday, huh? And they'll be like, well, that's nothing compared to what you

had from Sirius last year. You're the one who vacations here, here, and here. Don't you own a $6 million painting? And he'll be like, well, well, well. We're not talking about me and my art collection. We're talking about you, Steely Dan, or whoever the fuck he's trying to embarrass with their money.

My daughter got back to me on Hamilton. So I said, have the actors from Hamilton already moved on? If so, which one? And she said, most have. Pretty much every single one, but one I can't remember and wasn't a lead. Being in the show this musically and physically strenuous

for longer than they did is rare. So the Hamilton that won all the Tonys and awards is gone. Well, the show is what wins, right? Not necessarily the performers. I guess you want both. Yeah, that makes sense. Like the Godfather 2 Part B, like performed by like some, you know, Rob Schneider. Ocean City High School.

Rob Schneider's playing the main lead. Rob Schneider's playing the main lead. This summer, Rob Schneider is a monster. For Leon. Yeah, I was kind of like, Rob Schneider is Marlon Brando. No, that doesn't work.

You know? Fuck! Stop! Never side against the family, Fredo. He would be horrible. He's not a very good actor. He tries his best. He was in Demolition Man, if you go back and watch.

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After that, it's only a few dollars. That's dollarshaveclub.com slash pka. With a whole new line of products, it seems. I was just going to say they're really expanding their product line to the entire men's side of the bathroom. Yeah, I think they did some restructuring

not so long ago, so that's probably a product of that. To me, when he was a guest on the show, he had his sights on it anyway, so it might have just been a product of time. They were talking about... He got bought out. He kept a percentage, I think, but he got a large payday

um i think he's still there yeah yeah but i'm just saying like it might have happened bought out or not because you know they talked about hair gel and stuff like that yeah but yeah they got a pretty neat thing going on there my wife uh they stopped sending us free stuff and my wife went to the store and bought it and she's really not happy she just wants to sign up for Dollar Shave Club and become paying customers can you imagine? I'm both a paying customer

and now that you mention it it's been a little while since I got my little free cardboard box of razors but I shave so infrequently that I've got them stockpiled that deep but I'm also a member as well. So there's a drawer full of those little boxes.

And they're not all full, but there's two or three razors in every one. Yeah, it's a great service. I use it every day. I can tell. Yeah. I had to figure that out. So any more good? go ahead I'm thinking if you could be a YouTube star what would you want

your channel to be about oh that's an easy one he's so god damn bad I would want to be a makeup girl it's perfect if you're a makeup girl because here's the thing when you start aging now you're giving makeup tips for aging girls. You're always going to be good.

Your face is your palette for the items you're selling. And it's doubly effective to be pushing cosmetics. Because if you're Epic Mealtime and you're pushing bacon in the background, a lot of your fan base is coming there just to see Harley, just to see Epic Me just to see muscles glasses just to see a bunch of stuff maybe like the music or the raps they're not all there to find the best kind of bacon so it's kind of a weird thing to weird way to market uh bacon toward that audience you're not getting 100 but with makeup if you're coming to michelle fam i don't know if she still is big but but she was last time I looked. If you're coming to her video to see how to apply eyeliner,

it's not because you have some weird obsession with eyeliner suddenly. Or maybe... I doubt nobody's even coming because they think Michelle Pham's attractive. They're not like, yeah, I want to watch this pretty girl put on makeup. They're coming because they're shopping. They're in the market for some eyeliner. And that, or they're in the

liner for a new eyeliner, which is even better. So the eyeliner company is paying Michelle, hey, use our product. The people buying ads, the pre-rolls, post-rolls, mid-rolls, all that shit, that's Revlon, L'Oreal, Clairol, all those companies too. They're like, put our stuff there too. We want our stuff in there. And the fan who's watching it, who's getting advertised to left right and center whether it's the pre-roll the mid-roll michelle is on there going um you know l'oreal claire claire all whatever she's just product product product sell sell sell buy and nobody's

upset they want more they're like tell us about new brands tell us about lipstick next week tell us about this new thing we've heard of they want to they want her to sell them things because it's what they're in the market for it's perfect people are willing to pay those companies are paying huge amounts because like for harley being sponsored by whatever like black label bacon or whatever it is it is okay so when you see when he does a video and he has a bunch of bacon in there he's not selling black label bacon he's just selling bacon most people when they go to the store they're not going to seek out black label brand bacon when they see that maybe they will most a lot of them won't because bacon is bacon is bacon in a lot of people's minds with makeup and they say hey you want this mac number 36 peach beach mascara

they're going to go exactly that and they'll buy it. So they're getting marketed exactly to those products that they want. Because they're not saying, oh, get this or something similar. They're saying, no, get this. There's millions of dollars to be made in the pushing of cosmetics on the internet. Melissa loves makeup videos. She watches so many makeup videos. the point that like she'll get home from work and i'll be home or i'll at night when we're sitting down fucking around on our computer

like she'll just be like i'm gonna watch my videos and just put her headphones on and it's just like like someone saying i'm gonna watch my stories you know and she just watches the same couple women because they put out videos every day talking about makeup and nails and and all that shit and so for it's not just shopping around it's like tons of girls treat makeup as a hobby which is something that a lot of guys don't know it doesn't seem like they're high effort videos and i don't mean that as a dig it sounds like it but like okay even my videos right i'll go to the shop and like sweat in the stable for five hours to get eight minutes worth of footage, right? And you know, to take an FPS Russia video, right? Days in advance, he's like buying supplies. Sometimes he's constructing fences or targets or whatever. He brings in a film crew

to make sure he gets like proper slow-mo and lighting or whatever's involved. You know, a demo ranch or something. At the very least, he has to go out-mo and lighting or whatever's involved um you know a demo ranch or something at the very least he has to go out there and film it and whatever these girls are just like in a room in their bathroom yeah in their bathroom or in maybe a room they have dedicated with like a backdrop and lighting or something but they don't go anywhere it doesn't take like a ton of forethought it's they're not paying for the products they're not paying for it's on the level of like a video card review in terms of the products. They're not paying for it. It's on the level of a video card review in terms of how hard it is.

Maybe easier because it's not like a ton. I think there's a lot of talent there that it's easy to look over though. Their video making skills aside, they have to be kind of a makeup artist to begin with because I'm not going to watch and they got to be pretty or they got to be ugly

and good at making themselves look pretty that's saying they're not talented they're definitely talented right like so Jenna marbles is a pretty neat example right her videos she does something that probably no one else on earth can do right you know she talks about whatever gender issue or something like that and and she's entertaining and it's great But a lot of them are just her sitting on her bed. And it's, like, in comparison to what, like, a Casey Neistat has to do, right? He's, like, I just watched a Casey video.

He was flying to United Arab Emirates on some crazy plane. Every day, this guy's, is like flying somewhere. I saw him try to wakeboard in Alaska between glaciers getting towed by a helicopter. Do you know what that takes to set up? You've got to have a helicopter guy. While he's doing something else every day, he's setting that thing up for an upcoming thing. every day he's setting that thing up for an upcoming thing like he's just planning shit and making his schedule happen at a level that like say a makeup girl would barely contend with so it's not that their videos have no talent i mean it's a certain talent like you said there's the artistry of it and then just being able to speak clearly as a rare talent it's much more difficult

to apply makeup that i think men know because i've seen just in my periphery hundreds of hours of makeup videos and makeup tutorials and i'll say that some of them uh they do like latex stuff and they'll put like like you can google it like they're like professional level makeup artists where they're not like, I'm going to make myself look sexy. It's like, I'm going to spend, like, by the end of this video, I'm going to look like the alien. Or I'm going to look like Predator. Or I'm going to look like alien. I'm going to look like an orc or a goblin or whatever. And it actually looks like legit, real, incredible, like what you'd see in a movie.

I like when they look like Archer animation. I love that. Yeah, that's neat. But yeah, makeup girl is the right answer um if as a guy it would be difficult to have a makeup girl channel unless you had like a dummy to put it on or something but being a gay guy while doing it i think a lot of women would be interested in that surprise that hasn't cropped up yet i i want to say i think they're popular is it cross-dresser transsexual i don't really know my terms so forgive me but it's cross

dresser okay i think there's some popular like guy makeup people that do that yeah i can't name them but i thought maybe they're so good i don't notice um but yeah that's the right answer makeup girl i agree with you as a dude what would you do as a dude oh man you might come to hydraulic place yeah oh good is he still getting views I wonder like I don't know not for me yeah right it seems to have fallen out of love with him but even if he's making like a hundred thousand views a video that's that's just super easy i don't know why i'm using this computer but uh i like the videos like um not like a reaction channel or a bullying channel but kind of like that middle ground of like where

you'd watch a video almost like ona opNA, Opie and Anthony used to do, where you have a video going and you provide funny commentary on it. It's not just you being like, oh shit, that's crazy, and then three minutes of silence as you watch the video and make people watch it. That would be a really

fun channel to have if you could get away with using a bunch of other people's content and making fun of it, I guess. He's still getting views. He is. Has he crushed anything good? Today we are going to crush peeps with my hydraulic press.

You know, I feel like they're getting better, but not amazing. Read the last three. Okay, a durian, which i can't tell that is it looks a little bit like a fish that like the puffer fish a toilet an xbox 360 uh there's metal pipes carbon fiber it beats like flowers and clay and whatever they started with but it's not quite as awesome as like bullets and yeah it's not it's because like part of the fun of that hydraulic press like what kind of drew me in

was almost treating it like a fight like this week on hydraulic press hydraulic press verse ball bearings i think that was one that they did where like you kind of wonder like oh what will happen like these are like two hard things meeting. I think the press is going to win. I wonder what will happen. It's fun to see it go up against something that you don't even know what it looks like when it smushes because you've never seen that thing smushed. Whereas you can look up 10,000 videos right now of people taking normal hammers and breaking Xboxes or stepping on flowers or whatever the hell else he was doing in there, like putty.

Yeah, I feel like it's a missed opportunity. Bullets would be a cool one, you're right. Just anything, now that I'm thinking about it, it would be hard to come up with shit, but it has to be something that you've never seen crushed before. As you know, gas, you put a spark in there, it catches fire, pushes the piston down.

Diesel fuel, you literally just compress it and then it explodes, right? can a hydraulic press ignite diesel fuel i don't think that it would go fast enough would it is that an issue because how would you compress a liquid with a hydraulic press yeah i guess you'd need a really strong cylinder for it to exist in. And how much fuel starts working? Do you need just a tiny amount, like almost atomized? Or do you need like... Well, in an engine, it's almost like a vapor.

Yeah. Right? So you couldn't just have a half cup or a quart of diesel fuel poured into a cylinder and then have it go through. I mean, with enough compression, I think it it go through and i don't think with enough compression i think it would work i just don't know if that's like a feasible amount of compression that like a hydraulic we're talking about hydraulic press and diesel fuel they don't compress liquid diesel they're compressing uh diesel vapor it's still spraying it in there so it's a cloud of diesel so yeah if you compressed a uh you know some diesel vapor correctly it would explode

but i don't think the explosion would be enough to like blow the press apart i don't think but i'm no fluid hydrodynamic expert right like i don't fucking i just know how diesel works as a guy that we were talking but we're still on the channels like what would be good as a guy channel hydraulic press is obviously a great one. The gun thing is pretty good. One nice thing about the gun thing is that your videos are good two years later. So I have 3,000 videos on my channel with video games. But you don't really have a lot of people being like,

ooh, show me some Black Ops 1 tips. The long tail on video game stuff isn't as good. Whereas people are still searching AK-47 and AR-15 and etc yeah that's nice I don't know I don't know what the best thing to do would be it's honestly it's whatever is monetizable and

repeatable the least amount of overhead kids toys stuff is huge oh yeah that's huge you're absolutely right yeah these people watch those videos 50 times because they're children it's insane like like some parent just knew that like hey i'll just buy a little jimmy like eight fucking fisher price toys point the camera at him he's cute he'll open them up and we'll make a million dollars and that has happened a couple

times those kids opening toys that becomes a big multi-million subscriber channel i won't name names but my wife severely dislikes some of them that she just like they have strong opinions on toy channels she does why because colin watches a lot of them and she thinks the videos are bad and it's it's this combination between the product being so bad and them being so successful that she finds objectionable and then some of the videos in her defense like again i'm not going to name names but some of these toy videos are just shit like from a production stamp it's like a self a wobbly shaky cell phone with no lighting a kid that doesn't have much to say, and a million views. And it's just like, you know, in the same way that some people can like do shit to an iPhone

6 if it's iPhone 6 release week and get a ton of views, that exists too with some Harry Potter Lego toy. Yeah, if you're hot, it's a good time to have some. It doesn't have to be great quality. I mean, that's what Richard does, blowing up all those Apple products, you know. Not that his quality isn't really good, but he's taking advantage of something that's hot in the search results this day, this week, whatever. Trying to get on

Gizmodo or something. Oh, look, this guy blew up a $1,000 iPhone. I never follow the whole, like, phone thing every year where everybody's talking about the new features but i actually did like i read a couple articles just out of curiosity about the new iphone and woody i know you follow it more than me so correct me when i'm wrong they're getting rid of the headphone jack and it has like it doesn't lay down flat correctly on tables, apparently.

The battery bulges out a little bit, so it sits on a tilt. I didn't know that. It wobbles a little bit. It might be the phone. What is the incentive for getting... I have an Android, but I have no loyalty to either one. I don't give a shit. If I thought it looked cool, I'd get the new iPhone if I needed a new phone.

But that's a selling point for me is i'm not buying a phone that doesn't have a headphone jack and i'm not going to spend 30 dollars on a headphone jack uh port which isn't really a headphone jack port which is basically like you plug it into your phone then there's a little box and then you plug your your yeah a dongle into it uh or do you plug the dongle in and then you plug your headphone into it or the wireless adapter or whatever the hell it is it just seems so counterintuitive and like why would you nobody wants that that's not something that anybody's ever bitched about it's there because it's fucking easy it's convenient nobody you know what makes you an asshole you're a fucking asshole if

you're one of those people who just plays youtube videos in public around people you don't know and just let it go off your speaker. Fuck you. You're in the same league as people who walk around with Beats by Dre playing loud rap music with the bass coming from right here. It's like nobody wants to listen

to your shit-tasting music, you narcissist. That's kind of the boat I'm in for the iPhone. Why the fuck would they get rid of such a good feature that universally is loved? Apple's answer is going to be, look, we can do higher quality audio with an all-digital thing. Those old-school, what is it, 3.5mm ports? It can't be that big. Anyway, those old-school audio ports that everybody knows and loves

is not as... From a technical standpoint, the audio apparently is not as good as it would be if it were pure digital, okay? So they say that. They say that, you know, so they're moving forward and making that better and they're trying to push like wireless, right? So you just have earbuds.

They think that that's the future. That's what Apple's saying. What people are saying about Apple is a couple of things. One, they just bought Beats by Dre. So they're trying to sell the whole world headphone upgrades and make that make sense. Two, by not going to analog, right, it's really hard to have DRM,

like digital rights management, on music when it's so easy, like when it goes analog, there's no protection on it. By keeping it digital all the way to the headset, they could perhaps someday put more like protection to stop people from like copying songs and sharing songs and stuff like that. So really, I don't think their move is an effort to make customers happy.

I think it's an effort to just get more fucking money out of them, you know, by selling their Beats by Dre, by selling, by someday having music and movies and shit that's easier to have digital rights management on. I don't, it's not customer facing. That is a little bit annoying, but at least it doesn't explode like the Galaxy Note 7 that like, who needs C4 when you got a Galaxy Note charged to 100%? That thing will take a car out, a kid, whatever you got it near. You can't bring it on planes

apparently. Who would want that? I'd rather have you sitting over there with a dynamite. So Apple released the fastest phone ever. It's faster than anything Android makes. So I'm told. That's not my area of expertise. But apparently

this A10 chip, all the Android guys are envious of it. It has some geek bench score that's incredible. And the camera is, like, better than we've ever seen before. And it has, like, real telescoping and better, real faster lenses or whatever. All anyone's talking about is the lack of headphone jack. That's the main story. I think what's going to be popular, and I wish I knew how to get into this business.

I don't care about that at all, honestly. I want, people are going to make cases that have a headphone jack in it, right? Just extend the bottom of the phone by whatever it is, a half an inch, and that case will give you a headphone jack. And then everyone with a car from like 2010 that has like an auxiliary input but not Bluetooth

is going to buy that. People making those cases are going to make tens or hundreds of millions. Someone's going to be the case that everyone gets that gives the phone a headphone jack. Yeah, maybe so. I don't care about the headphone jack, not even a little. I don't use mine almost ever, never, never, never. I don't listen to music.

I've got Sirius Radio in my car, and I listen to that in there. And if I'm at home, I don't listen to music for any reason. Netflix or YouTube or something on my laptop or a game. If I've got headphones on, I plug these into my laptop, and I don't know. I'll be playing Civ. I do like three things at once usually, so I'm just not listening to music. It wasn't until today that I realized, like, oh, you know, I call it a phone, but this is a music player to me. And they literally removed the headphone jack from a music player. This is idiocy that they, that's unforgivable. And it's,

of course it's more, it's like brain augmentation almost with fact checking and the internet and all that wonderful stuff. But it's a music player. And it's a big part of what I expect it to do. Well, you know what you could do? My headset that I've got upstairs and I'm always like singing the praises of, the Parrot wireless headset. We'll just Bluetooth connect to the iPhone, right? Yep.

Yeah, that's where they see people going. That is so nice. I think it's like a $300, $400 headset or something like that, but I mean, it's wireless and the clarity is perfect. I don't hear any hiss, any static, anything like that. I might get an iPhone 7. It's time for a new phone. I've got a, I don't know, like a, I don't know what I've got upstairs. A nicer phone than this that I've been meaning to switch everything over to, but I just haven't.

Another reason I might like wireless. So I have two Bose headsets. There's one of them right here and they, they do noise canceling, which is sometimes a really big deal to me. Like in the winter, we have a fireplace with a fan that like blows the heat all over and just noise canceling and like chilling with my computer is a really nice

environment in the summer. I have earbuds, but they're the same thing. And I mow and weed whack and the noise canceling is like hearing protection the problem is it seems like it yanks it off my head too often you know especially if i'm doing physical stuff like if i wanted to do woodworking wireless right so i can imagine a world where i go wireless and then like never go. It's like, oh. Man, I almost want to send you my headphones, but they're mine. They're so fucking nice because they're wireless.

The battery lasts forever. Over the year? It's over the year. Right. So it's over the year, but it's really low profile. And everything, there's no buttons or anything. You just kind of move your finger along it, and you can hear the responses immediately to kind of learn it really quick.

You would think that that would be hard to learn. Like, all right, rub my finger on the backside of my ear for volume and across the ear hole to change channels. But you figure it out after like a minute. I like those things a lot. They gave them to me or I'd never spend so much money on headphones but I like them.

They're noise cancelling of course like you said. That's really nice. I was using them when I was listening to a lot of Game of Thrones. I would just bluetooth them to my phone and be on a tractor or something with my phone in my pocket listening to Roy DeTriese. The Bose

ones, I don't know how good the parrot noise cancelling is. I know you're happy, but the reviews love the Bose one. And man, on airplanes, it's like a superpower. Probably yours is the same way there's a switch that you flip. So you really get like a

before and after. You're just like, wow. So an airplane is super loud. You still hear something. But if you're at like Target and you see these Bose things, they have them on display there. Do this. Put them on and then flip the switch. And you'll be like, I didn't even realize this place was loud.

You know, all the HVAC goes to nothing. My daughter finds it disorienting she's just like it's freaky how silent silent can be you didn't even know I can feel um vulnerable if I'm really into something too much like I I when I'm in here and I'm in VR I lock the doors I I because because I'm just completely isolated from reality you know i'm in that virtual world 100 audio and visual so like i'll be in there and i'm fighting my zombies and that's a little scary and then i'm like what if there's just somebody in the room looking at me right now with like a and they've picked up like one of my guns or one of my knives and they're just like yeah this is sharp this will do the trick i could probably gut him before he can even move yeah i'll

just just bottom to top and i'm just like all right we're good door's still locked let's go back in so like like that's why or that's part of the reason i don't wear headphones on this show is i just it it almost disorients me where i can only i don't know like it makes me feel like i'm talking at a weird volume. I don't know if you guys get that feeling or if you're totally used to it. When you have your headphones on, obviously your voice sounds a little different than it does when you're just speaking normally. And I always

feel like I'm yelling or that I'm mumbling or something when I have big headphones on. Kyle was talking about feeling vulnerable. So you guys, if you watch my vlogs at all, there's a guy named Brad that I paramotor with. And I hope he doesn't mind me talking about this. But at night, he like PTSD's the fuck out.

And I'm always like, if it's nighttime, trying to make sure he doesn't kill me. From like military shit or from like a bad paramotoring experience? From Iraq. And I don't know if there was like a specific incident, but he just got a little like nighttime jumpy, you know? So like if he's camping or something and like your tent flaps or whatever, he's just like, don't kill me.

You know? I just had to be, you you know with the gun down and uh it's it it's like a mild cause for concern because you know like he'll tell you the next day like oh i was on high alert and you're like i only had to pee dude just take a break but uh but yeah that's a thing that happens it ptsd like i don't know i i had it like i really had it and i almost feel like from what from being robbed and um uh yeah we got robbed a bunch and the robber was like you know in my living room and i eventually confront the name i've told the story a bunch of times but for a bunch like over and over robbed a bunch of a guy came in like i'm taking

this and i'm taking that and i'm taking this too motherfucker and they took something else yeah like like i don't know exaggerate i don't know 10 14 times over the course of a couple months and burglar yeah it was a burglar so sometimes I was asleep. One time I was awake and I confronted him. Yeah, yeah, so you know the story. And I didn't immediately identify it as PTSD, and sometimes I don't even want to call it that because I feel like I'm lumping myself in with soldiers and people who've done braver things than getting robbed,

and I don't mean to do that. But the impact it had on me was definitely the same and it's opened my eyes to like I guess there was a hint of me that thought PTSD meant like cowardly or something like but that's not the case at all you know you can be like Captain Bravery on game day and then have it affect you in a really strong way you know months and years later there's no such thing as bravery if you're not afraid to begin with like bravery is when you're afraid and then you fight through the fear to do the thing that he's doing that's what bravery is it's all about being afraid but ptsd is you know it can be a lot from a lots of things and uh you

know it's not just some war hero thing yeah uh policemen get it firemen get it sure anything like that you know lots of things this uh i i i just saw this video on my feed it's from uh optic pomage who's been making some really nice uh uh cod content lately from the new stuff it's not worth watching the gameplay but if you want like a quick peek at this map is, it appears that you're playing Call of Duty amongst a bunch of picnic supplies. There's soda bottles. Honey, I shrunk the kids style. Yes.

You're hiding behind donuts and cans of soda. This is a really neat map concept. I like this. Really? You don't think it's cool? It's bizarre. It's winning me over. My first impression was like, this is stupid.

This is like, I don't know. Oh, there's ants. There's ants. They're shooting the ants right now and they're exploding. Huh. The ants are coming after them? The ants seem docile, but at a minute and 45 seconds there's like an ant problem that he deals with with his pistol i think he's just doing it for fun i think they're just there

yeah but they explode this could be um it might not be a multiplayer map it is well i i mean they're playing multiplayer on it like what else would it be because i heard there's bots and i've heard that if people leave the game, they fill it with bots. I'm not sure. I could be off on that, but I definitely heard it. Yeah, he is shooting some exploding bugs right now.

Hey, there's flies. I know one of the big complaints, I think it was Modern Warfare 3, where everybody's like, oh, this game just looks like a carnival all the time with all these crazy colors. I never minded that that much. I don't know. It was better than

World at War where everything was gray or dark green. I don't expect it to be realistic warfare. I kind of like this fun, not take it seriously, silly map. I like this. I'm in favor. You know what I didn't like was what was the map that took place on a circus

in Modern Warfare 2? I think it was DLC. Carnival. Was it Carnival? Yeah. Yeah. What was it? Shit, there was a whole fuss over Stealth Clown, right? Yeah. I felt like the players didn't pop against the background on that map. They were too camo.

Whereas in other games, or most maps, the players really popped. But this doesn't seem to have that problem to me. Yeah, this is just fantastical. This is ridiculous. There's donuts and picnic baskets and tunnels. I think there's a tunnel there made out of one of those

pool toys that's like a... I don't know. We got in a fight with them. Noodles. There's a noodle with them, that noodles. It's like a noodle that you can crawl through. This looks interesting and it's so colorful. And look at the detail on like the soda bottles and stuff. Yeah, it's got like nutritional information on it. I bet they've got like a couple jokes in there, I'm sure.

There's a big plate of hot dogs you can hide behind. Yeah, it looks like the floor is a big cooler, like a Coleman cooler. And there's walls made out of pizza boxes and uh interesting i guess i guess it's called it's called micro the map oh yeah i'm not gonna play it though one called like macro like every gigantic this is the point where it is most popular right like i don't even know who the community manager is but I used to joke that like that the recipient of all this hate would hand the baton over and then the new guy would get this love before the game comes out this is when the game is most popular like come September October guys are just very excited and enthusiastic about what's to come and I'm sure come December they'll

stop playing and hate it and it COD 4 that I'm excited about I obviously have to buy this game to get my hands on COD 4 but it's going to be straight into COD 4 for me I don't have any plans to play the new Call of Duty I have lots of plans to play the Call of Duty 4 remastered

Modern Warfare remastered, that's what they're calling it This looks really neat but you're right, if I do play this i it'll be when i'm really bored by myself because i don't expect any are you going to try to unlock your your like you know laser sight for your sniper rifle so you can do what he's doing no yeah okay that's like friends who I played Call of Duty with in high school that I haven't spoken to in years are texting me, being like, hey, are you getting the new COD 4? And it's like, okay, this is going to be a lot of fun.

These are people that I used to play games with when I was 16, haven't spoken to since we graduated high school, and now they're texting me about if I'm going to get it and what's my gamer tag. It's just, I don't know, it's going to be a neat thing. I'm excited for it. I hope that it's as to be a neat thing. I'm excited for it. I hope that it's as fun as I remember

it. Because if they're doing a good job keeping to the game, the only thing that would make me not enjoy it is if I've just not played it in so long and compared it so harshly against the subsequent CODs that I'll go back and be like, oh fuck, this isn't as good as I remember. I've played it fairly recently.

I get on and play COD 4 every year just about. I don't know. It's probably been about two years now. But about two years ago, I got on and started playing a lot and was getting crazy good scores and screenshotting and stuff. Because, you know, you're not getting the A team anymore. So I'm just trouncing people with a couple days' worth of practice, just really running trains.

Yeah, you're playing against all the little kids who told their parents, like, I want Call of Duty for Christmas, and they're like, well, this one's $8, and the other ones are $60, so you're getting this one from 2007. It's the fourth one. I mean, come on.

It's not like... How do you need, Tim? At WoodyCraft, we used to deal with this a lot. People would be nostalgic about the good time they had on an old game mode. And sometimes we'd bring it back. Like, KitPvP is a game mode where people basically just sword fight

each other. But that, those classes that came with the different ranks and that map, etc., to them it was perfect. To me, it wasn't very good at all. It was an early effort. We made a bunch of improvements whenever we brought it back people didn't like it but what they'd like didn't turn out to be the game mode they liked the camaraderie they had with the friends the way they team up the early success

etc and then you bring it back and for some reason it just didn't recapture the love that they used to even though it was the same and i've got to get some people to play with. I've got to get myself a real friends list built up over on the Camping Time Gamertag. Get some good players. You've got to assemble a team. You've got to assemble a team. I mean that.

Yeah, absolutely will. I am presentable at every COD, but I will very rarely be the guy who's like, man, look at fucking Mirka tearing it up. Like, that's rare. But I usually don't go negative. I'm a nice bottom, I'm a nice fourth liner on

any team. I'm a grinder, you know what, I'm not the intangibles. Looking forward to getting in on some of Wings' parties, maybe playing some COD 4 with him. You want to play with Wings? No. I was suggesting for you, though. No. I don't think that

he would want to play with me. I think that he would remember, not fondly, me ruining that spawn and be like, no, we're not playing. Still hold that against you? I think so. Well, yeah, I'm looking forward to it. I can't wait. All the games this fall, I'm really excited for. I've been playing way too much Civ, getting super sharp at Civ.

Maybe I'm a bad person. I hold it against him, right? Like, I remember one incident, and I wonder if he'll watch this, and I'm sure he will if people talk about it, but he was giving the rest of his team shit about not capping flags, and me in particular, you know? Like, you guys aren't fucking capping flags, etc. But it was one of the trier games where the flag caps were, like, you know, counted.

And I out-capped him. I think it was seven to two. And he's like, you know, like, wings, check the scoreboard. Look who's capping flags here. And then he said that my flag caps somehow, like, weren't as good. My seven didn't compare to his two and uh it was just real like like i still don't want to play with him you know like i haven't let it go like you know what never mind like i don't know the last time you guys gamed with wings it's been had to be over a year maybe over two years oh i don't remember the last time

yeah i'm just like maybe i do want to play with him i don't know i just like from a winning perspective he's a good guy to have on your team sometimes i i assume i never played with him that much because uh i don't want i'm sure he's way better now. There was a time when his game style was just to run up score streaks, but you can't judge him by 2012 or something. I know it was in vogue to be like, oh, so easy to kill a horse, so easy to do this and that in objective game modes, but when he was in those games and racking up those kill streaks, you can't say that, oh, that guy, UnlimitedUAV,

who's going 39-2, he's not even helping. No, he's really making it a thinner playing field for you guys to fight out there because he's tearing it up. That's his payload. Yeah, that's kind of what I... So I never really liked the critique of, he's not playing the objective. Well, if he's going 39-2, he doesn't have to play the objective.

I will say that it's easier to go 39-2 if you don't play the objective. I won't say going 39-2 takes no talent if you don't play the objective. Because it does. And I was in a game with it. It was pretty cool. So we're playing, and we can't win, right? I'm busting my ass not doing anything. Let's say that I was, like, 25-18 or something.

Like, not negative, but I'm not having my game. And the whole team seems like that. And we're not going to win. We're in trouble. It's domination and we're fucked. Wings is on a kill streak. Like he's doing really well. And there's a guy who has a really advantageous spot,

like behind a barrel on some snow map. And Wings politely asked him like hey brother yeah can you move over kind of that spot of yours and the guy said yes mostly because wings was like a big youtuber and wings got a nuke and won the game for us and i was like yeah you know that's pretty fucking awesome because we were gonna lose we were losing and uh and we didn't lose many games so like it was kind of a big deal. And Wings pulled out the win, and, you know, he was a good player. Yeah.

Yeah. Thinking. Let's see. We've got to do at least one more question. Here's one that – shit shit i get so many questions you make it a face at something because you look like you're okay that's what you're making a face at let's see what this is der haufen mussweg 2.0 oh i remember the original no i don't i'm a big der haufen mussweg the explosion, the translation is explosion in garden.

He even spelled that wrong. Explosion in garden. Well, he's spelling phonetically. He doesn't, he's fucking German over there. Is he going to blow his hand off? It'll be all right. I don't see this ending well. All right, so it's a gentleman wearing shorts trying to throw some fire at, oh, Jesus.

Whoa. Holy shit. Yeah, that, I mean, I. trying to throw some fire at oh jesus whoa holy shit yeah that i mean i it said explosion i just i like that i'm like three seconds behind taylor holy shit so this guy just threw i don't know what the fuck this big pile was maybe a bunch of of wet, oily rags by the look of it? My guess is it's a big pile of newspapers and just paper trash, and it's full of gas. Not gasoline, but an explosive gas of some kind. Like, I don't know, acetylene, butane, propane. Maybe gasoline and the vapors got everywhere.

Perhaps. I'm looking through the comments trying to figure that out but there was some sort of an explosive gas in those in that paper and that was pretty cool. And it lit their whole yard on fire. That's something that I've been thinking about for a while is like

because we do so much Amazon stuff we've got a huge pile of cardboard boxes. And for a while, I've just been storing them in the garage instead of throwing them in the dumpster. So I've got this huge supply of cardboard boxes. And I was thinking about building something big out of cardboard boxes and then filling it up with explosive gas so that when it exploded, it's cardboard. But it would create a volume of semi-compressed gas that would be substantial. You could put the boxes in a pile and then jump off of something into the boxes. Well, that sounds dangerous.

That requires me to jump off something high. Lots of things you do are dangerous, and that's a thing that people do. I don't want to do that thing. I like blowing them up better. I don't want to do that thing. I like blowing them up better. I don't want to jump on their boxes. Did you guys let the auto play to get to Der Haufen Musweg original? No. Go ahead and skip to 50 seconds.

Should we queue up together? Yeah, we can queue up. 50. And it's the same thing. This time it's with sticks instead of paper. Should we queue up together? Let's do that Yeah, we can queue up 50 And it's the same thing This time it's with sticks instead of paper I think they probably learned a lesson here Which is reflected poorly in the next video Which I honestly think that previous video we just watched

They must have burned their house down Because there was so much flame everywhere Go to 50 seconds Yeah, I'm ready I'm there. I am too. Three, two, one, play. Yeah, that's good.

Dousing this big wooden pyre in gasoline. Whoa! Lights it, and he's very clearly caught off guard by how quickly that explodes. He thought it was going to be a slow drop. That was a big fire. It pans out and there is a whole field, it's got to be a hundred

yards at least, spread of burning cinders of this giant wood pile. Oh, the guy's alive. He touched his eyebrows so I guess he's running out of facial hair. That's what I'm thinking. I bet he singed his facial hair. When he first lit it, I think they're going to do a replay, he's enveloped

in flame. He's crouching in gasoline. Look at this! He's like, oh no! Holy smokes! Oh no! His face is on fire for a moment. That's great.

What a dunce. Why would you make a sequel to this and not fix whatever problem occurred? He did it wrong, really. I'll tell you how I would have lit this fire. I would have made a trail of gasoline, say six feet long, and then lit the end of that trail.

Or just light a stick on fire and throw it. Anything to make it so you're not holding... And he wasn't even holding one of those long lighters that you use at a campfire. He was holding a $2 Bic just hand right next to it. God, that guy doesn't deserve fingers.

Some people should have their finger rights revoked. Yes. God, it's rare that I watch a nice explosion video on youtube that's not one of kyle's where i'm actually like holy shit that that was safe yeah that wasn't safe usually it's yours that i watch oh man i really don't want to buy a ticket to georgia go to this funeral maybe I don't want to go down there always invite me to watch yeah I would like to watch that would be fun

there we go do we have anything else we want to cover how deep are we into this rabbit two minutes from four hours I feel like we should crack it I feel like we'll crack the two minutes in closing arguments. Closing arguments? You want to do two minutes

worth of politics? We've avoided it all show long. Oh man, so I brought my Trump shirt just for this show and then everybody's like, no. Get a picture of it. It says build the wall, of course.

And then Trump 2016 and then it's got him kind of like Rosie the Riveter rolling up his sleeve. It says, build the wall, of course. And then, Trump 2016. And then it's got him kind of like Rosie the Riveter rolling up his sleeve. And it says, make America great again. And, yeah, got to get his face there. That's an in-the-house shirt, unless you want to get beaten up. This is an in-the-house shirt. What about in Georgia?

Is it still an in-the-house shirt. What about in Georgia? Is it still an in-the-house shirt? Well, look, I don't want to – I'm not looking to be provocative with my shirt. I don't want to start an argument or a dispute for anything. It will end poorly. They always end poorly. I don't want to be part of that. So I wouldn't go out – there's a lot of things that I don't wear outside. I saw a paramotor shirt, right? So there's, of course, the fan. No, it and then there's you know the wing that goes above it and then there's a cloud

and the text says suck me again very few people have hard stances against paramotorists though but it's a cloud suck joke paramotors are are racist. I want to get that when they look at it. And like you and those eight people can have your chuckle together. I think that's only a paramotoring day shirt. You wear it to paramotoring with all the other paramotors, all the other airmen are like, oh, suck him again. I get it.

And it sounds vaguely sexual. Yeah, vaguely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I was proud of us for not talking about politics very much. Did I ruin it? No, no. I think we did. Last two minutes.

Last couple minutes, I think we did a good job. Kind of interesting. Hillary had a couple things. The basket of deplorables thing has not played well. The email scandal just continues to go on. More leaks come out, and people say unflattering things. And, you know, closer to the...

Remember, I've talked about Smoke But Not Fire. Like, they showed the ambassador list and stuff like that in their donations, which isn't a surprise to me, but it feels like fire. And then, of course, the health thing, right? They've been sort of poking at her health for a long time, but it almost seemed like they were making something out of nothing.

And some of it was. Like, remember their fake seizures where she'd go like this, and they'd just play that forwards and backwards and forwards and backwards. I'm not sure. If you actually watch the video of that, it's pretty apparent she's doing some weird shit. Nobody just goes like... And then, like, if it was a joke, she wouldn't have immediately gone like, of that it's pretty apparent she's doing some weird shit nobody just goes like and and then like if it was just if it was a joke she wouldn't have immediately gone like oh haha look at me this

crazy lady i i in my opinion she was literally responding to something with like a exaggerated thing and they just played it forwards and backwards and forwards and backwards and made it look like super crazy but now the time has passed know, the pneumonia thing and her health somehow feels like a more legitimate campaign issue than it did before last weekend. Yeah, it definitely is. Like, even now they can't keep the story straight for the most part of, oh, I was diagnosed with pneumonia on Friday. But it's not contagious, never been contagious, you know. The fact that so many people in my fucking closest quarters

are suddenly having to go to the hospital and are just woefully ill, that's unrelated. The day that she said she had pneumonia, dumbass slick Willie went out there and was like, uh-oh, they're acting like they never had the flu. It's like they never had the flu

it's like what the flu now you're talking about the flu i haven't been in the same room as that woman aside from political events for the last 20 years but goodness gracious send her a text um yeah it's just it's too much to ignore and now the story isn't even uh how sick she is now the story is like okay so it's been established that you've been lying and trying to hide this what else are you lying about what else are you trying to hide like i read what i saw that was like the reason that trump is trending up is because you kind of have an anchor point for different candidates so he anchored himself as a crazy guy and so for him to improve he has to not be a crazy guy anymore very low bar don't be crazy

have a have an intern take his phone slap his hand no donald you don't fucking tweet stupid things you jackass hillary is crooked and corrupt she's set there at that point so for her to get trending up again she has to prove that she's not crooked and corrupt but she is crooked and corrupt and so she can't dig herself out of that hole the way Trump can dig himself out of this very, very shallow hole by just not acting crazy anymore. So people are like, Hillary, oh, so corrupt and ridiculous. But that Trump guy, you know, just a few weeks ago,

I was thinking he was literally retarded. But look at this. He's got both his shoes on the right feet, and he's not making crazy slurs. He's a pretty solid guy. It's just because his anchor point was so much lower that him improving incrementally looks great. I saw her outside the 9-11 thing not long before she collapsed, and she's with her nurse. And the nurse is asking her to squeeze her fingers.

And I don't know anything, but apparently that's a neurological test it's not the sort of thing you ask a person with the flu and in the picture it's pretty clear the nurse is making a fist like this or it's the other way around you know Hillary's squeezing the nurse Hillary's making a fist and the nurse is fingering her fist

and she's kind of standing in front of her face to face like you know squeeze it now and that's that indicates something besides the flu in front of her face to face like you know squeeze my squeeze it now and and that's a that's that that indicates something besides the flu um i'm not a conspiracy theorist i hate delving into that that silliness so you're just getting into the mud you're you're losing focus on reality at that point a lot of the times but i can't wait to see this thing come to fruition i can't wait i hope she gets out on the debate stage and she's fucking kooky.

The crowd has nervous laughter as she forgets what she's talking about or something. Even if you accept what Clinton and her husband and her team have been telling you, it does feel like they've been burying this. Now it's turned into a bigger problem than it had to be.

Best case scenario she's not straight with you and it makes me wonder when she's president what to expect you know are we going to get a president that's straight with us about other stuff or are we going to get someone whose default reaction is to cover and hide and be secretive and etc it's a real bad luck in all the polls all the swing states or a huge percentage of the swing states are now in trump's favor hillary just pulled a huge amount of funding from virginia well sucks to suck hillary because you're about to lose virginia because of you coming off as kooky and sick and a liar and trump just being not crazy Like just coming off as not as crazy

as he did two months ago. I pay a lot of attention to 538.com, this Nate Silver guy. And I know that the Trump subreddit hates him, but he predicted every state correctly for the last two election cycles. That's like 100 out of 100 of the last states. But they don't like him

because he hasn't been predicting that Trump would win. But if you watch it, like it's, it's really not tilting in his favor. I mean, I still think they give like 60, 40 odds for Hillary winning, but, um,

it used to be like 90, 10 and, and the difference is really significant. So, um, Oh, and then they have a really neat graphic. It's like the road to,

um, two 70. Do you know the graphic? And, you know, Trump's side, it just seemed like they were, I'm going to make up a number, but like six or seven states in his way to get to 270. And that number is down to one or two now. And it's like, wow, all he needs to do is win these two and that's it. And they're like coin tosses.

But then again, you know, some of the. And they're like coin tosses. But then again, some of the states in his category are coin tosses too. We've got to wait. It's the debates. It's all about the debates. He's not going to do anything crazy because he can't give up his position of not crazy anymore. What if he punches her?

He's in a better position than Hillary as far as the momentum right now. All he has to do is go up there be professional and seem like just just be a normal guy don't throw any crooked hillary things out there just act like a politician and people will be like okay this guy's a real politician because hillary's on the back foot having to be like well i didn't actually lie about all that and oh no let's cover up over there don't put that pull that tarp back down like just she's on her back foot it seems like and trump if he goes out there and does the whole like oh you're crooked hillary and blah blah blah and just does that whole spiel of making just over the

top comments he's gonna lose support that like time that small contingent of alt-right people who just love trump they'll love it but the average voter is gonna be like oh okay he's back to the apprentice trump just treating it like a performance where we'll see i don't know like people think the debates are going to be some of the things that kyle said like when she's coughing she can't even choke down her own lies and don't you need a president who's able to stand up for you she can't even stand up for the debates stuff like that are zingers that could go down in history right like like the reagan one-liners and kennedy one-liners and stuff or it could go like you said and people will just

not appreciate it well no but like that liner that you said like she can't even swallow her own lies that's not an over-the-top crazy thing like a real politician would say that to the person they're running against i'm just saying that trump can't go out there and you know start like coughing mockingly at her face and be like don't make fun of any retarded people during the debate donald none come on just one or two in the front row i'll make fun of one retarded person no more no less yeah like one retarded person placed in the front row i'm gonna get it out of the way early the viewers won't even remember i feel like trump i think if he verbally mocks her it might work really well if he physically imitates her that'd be a terrible mistake that would that's perfect example that's what i'm saying he can't go out there and like start

seizing around or you know but if he makes a comment about he's able to like jog up the stairs and she's there like trying to the stage uh i mean they don't walk up the stairs they walk from outside but from uh the sides but whatever um yeah i don't have any idea how the debates are gonna go i remember one of the scariest things i've ever done was when we were presenting some award at this live stream thing, and me and Syndicate were presenting the award for best game of the year or something, and the way you stepped up on

the stage was a staircase, but it was extremely high steps. Each step was going much higher than the next, and without much distance being covered. Forward distance, it's almost like climbing a ladder, but there's steps. I think I'm wearing I don't remember what I'm know forward distance it's almost like climbing a ladder but there's steps and you know you're i think i'm wearing like i don't remember what i'm wearing

but it's not like athletic gear so it's just like all right up these stairs we go three steps three steps and then the stage three steps and then the stage three steps and then the stage because if you fall there were so many there's a room full of people and I mean like 400 people in the room and they said that there would be a million Total in the in audience on this thing because there's like a big-ass livestream that like dozens of youtubers have promoted It's like streaming from machinima's main page or something like that I was so afraid I was gonna fall on that stage and I almost did like I was a little bit going out like Like lost my bounce a little bit because it was just impossible i've talked about this before but i i went up similar steps to bad

tickets at a carolina hurricanes game the nhl team but i had my baby in my arm like hope is like two so i'm carrying her and i'm like oh my god like but it wasn't three steps. It was like 50 steps. And I felt like if I fall forward, it's like falling off a cliff up here. I would fall like 40 vertical feet or something crazy like that. It didn't seem safe. Someone's going to get really hurt at that arena. One of those old Aztec step pyramids. Like, Jesus, don't you fall. Yeah, yeah.

And then the worst part about it, I couldn't read the players' names from that high. And I'm not that far. Like, horizontally, I'm only like 50 feet from the ice. But vertically, I'm like 150 feet from the ice. I can't see! It was bad.

Yeah. That sucks. So, a little bit of politics talk. Yeah, the race is heating up. It's getting real interesting. I think the debates are in October, though, right? Yeah. We'll see if they both survive it.

Yeah, it's so funny. Seeing the backlash to Hillary being sick has been from the media, or a lot of the media, about Trump being fat. Which just draws attention to the fact that, yeah, he is fat, but Hillary Clinton is also fat. They're both fat people. Yeah. Neither one of them looks to be a good representation of fitness or health. Trump is fat, but if you point out about Hillary, I really think you're being sexist, right? You know what? That's true. I can't, I don't know why you would body shame her. You know what I like about Trump? I like, this is one little thing

about him, but the guy's worth million, many millions of dollars, we know for sure. You know, he's got his own airplane and everything. I've seen him eating at McDonald's on that plane. I've seen him eating McDonald's on that plane. That's him eating mcdonald's on that plane that's fascinating to me that donald trump still eats mcdonald's well he eats mcdonald's when there's a photo op so that he knows people will be like wow he's just like me like no way i don't know if you like that is a testament to it so i believe you bill clinton was a huge fan of mcdonald's bill clinton bill clinton was a politician from arkansas though you know like like donald trump is a billionaire from new york city bill clinton would be driving in like the presidential limo

or whatever and there were no plans yeah he's put we passed to mcdonald's i want to go there and lay a fish yeah and he would get he would get big and the secret service is like oh my god he'd be on a jog he'd be out for a jog wearing those like 1990s like colorful men's running shorts yeah yeah and he'd be like you know what i got a hankered for a double cheeseburger let's uh let's jog on in here to mickey d's hamburger here let me take a few of these all right you get him some burgers and jog on out of there and the reason he was jogging was because america was like bill's a little chubby uh and his doctor was like your heart's not so great bill and he was like oh i'll do it for you for a little jog i know mickey d's around the corner he's jogging to mcdonald's

every day at least george w was healthier then than he is now he looks like emaciated now i think he's in very good health now because he's on um i want to say he's a vegetarian but don't quote me on that but he's on a very strict diet and he's been like taking care of himself for many years now since his last heart attack or that heart surgery whatever he had what it is sometimes old people lose their appetite you know sometimes people get in their 60s and they're just not hungry like they used to be. I think he's on a restrictive diet. I want to say he's a

vegetarian, but that doesn't sound right. I just thought I heard that. But he's definitely, you know, he's lost a lot of weight, and when old people lose weight, it's not good. Yeah, something about his eyes are very unsettling. The first debate is September 26th,

which is not that far from now. 11 days. Exciting. I will not watch it, but I will end up watching clips of it on YouTube. I will watch it. I'll watch it all with bated breath, hoping for mockery and

embarrassment for the Clintons. There's no winning. Like, I treat this the same way, like, when I watched the Stanley Cup this past year, when it was San Jose and Pittsburgh. Like, I didn't want the team that, I didn't want San Jose to get their first Stanley Cup, so I was pulling for Pittsburgh. And when Pittsburgh won, it was like, all right, whew, at least San Jose didn't win their first Stanley Cup before St. Louis did.

But I had no happiness in it. I wasn't happy with the outcome because I still lost. That's how I feel with these debates. I'm happy seeing Hillary lose. But even after you see them lose, it's like, but Trump won. So it's not a good thing. No matter what, we all lose all lose yeah i'm thinking of writing myself in like i thought i used to be for gary johnson but one of the issues that's

important to me is h1b visas i feel like and just being in that industry for so long they import all this tech talent in and americans aren't getting jobs and they're bringing in non-Americans to take American jobs and it just seems like they're like, more, more, more, more, more and it's like, no, fuck this I don't like it, I don't like just shipping in talent to take American jobs and artificially suppressing a career

that I think takes a lot of talent you need to be an intelligent person to be an engineer it's an IQ test that happens every day and they fuck with you so anyway um i don't agree with it and it almost disqualifies gary johnson in my head but i'm like huh if i vote for myself this is brilliant i agree with all my issues right i i like appropriate level of morality everything about me i agree with so i wouldn't vote for myself too conservative yeah i'm just like yeah vote vote for me that's uh wanted to like say before but i've never really

said on pka at least is like kyle and i have this reputation of being like so far to the fucking right wing but then when like you actually... And you have such a reputation for being far on the left, but I think it's mainly manufactured on both sides since when you really break it down, are Kyle and I that conservative about most things? No, we're all centrists. All of that. The only major differences seem to be handling

things like immigration that a lot of people disagree on, gun control, and then how large and centralized the government should be and the degree to which they can control your life and impose taxes. Like, that seems like the big differentiator. Not on this show. I know we disagree about Obamacare, and I can't think of much more. Yeah.

We're actually pretty close yeah and it's not i feel like our disagreement on obamacare seems to be that we all feel like eh like like your opinion seems to be like oh it seems like the best thing we could do right now and my and my thought is yeah i guess it is but that doesn't mean i have to like it that's where where we are, right? Like, it's not like I'm like, no, this is bullshit. It goes against everything that is American. Like, it's not like that at all. I'm sorry. People didn't see it, but Taylor and I had kind of an argument about Obamacare and PKN.

And I continued that argument in my head long after the show ended. And another thing. I've really turned this franchise around, by the way. It was not an argument. If you guys haven't listened to it, we didn't argue angrily or anything. We were just discussing it because people will think that. Yeah, they'll get nuts about it. I enjoyed talking about that.

Yeah. And it was like, you know, I feel like Taylor didn't really use a lot of health insurance prior to Obamacare. I could be off target with that. But the whole like, ah, BACNI can be an indicator of cancer, and therefore we're not covering you. And that business is just gone now. Like, there's a lot of great things about Obamacare that people kind of take for granted now. And the prior condition, existing condition thing,

it might be one of the biggest ones. But anyway, it's like, ah, I wish I had made that argument before. Yeah, and I'm sure there's a better system than obamacare but yeah it's i don't know i've been pretty the problem is that we are uh the problem is is with humans not with the finding the perfect system we got to evolve ourselves a little bit uh before figure out healthcare. Yeah. Anyway. Oh, call it a show? Yeah. PKA 300.

300. Episode 150 or so for me. Almost more than Wings now. I hadn't thought about that. Oh, wow. When am I going to overtake Wings? Soon. Is it? that. Oh, wow. When am I going to overtake Wings? Soon. Is it?

Nice. Yeah. That's interesting. I hadn't even considered that. Oh, man. Oh, this guy. This guy. Oh, shit.