Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #301

Episode Date: September 29, 2016

This week on PKA, the "Human Garbage Disposal" known as Shoenice joins the guys eating his wood glue like fine wine & they talk about his life story, the guys watch some Fear Factor clips and have a great time.

And we're live. Painkiller already. Episode 301 with our guest Shoe Nice. Kyle? Got a few sponsors tonight. Got Naturebox coming back, Squarespace, Tracker, and Blue Apron. We'll talk more about each of those later on in the show. There are links down below in the description if you want to check them out right now. But let's get right into it. We got Shoe Nice here. We got fucking Shoe Nice on the show. Yeah, man. How are you, man? You got the mad man.

Hey, hey, hey, guys. Known globally as just the consumer of refuse and the guzzler of alcohol. I've seen you on all kinds of clip shows and on TV and on articles around the Internet. And we watched the Vice documentary about you recently. Tell us what it's like to be you. Well, basically, I've been an entertainer all my life. I've been eating crazy stuff since I was like five. These dudes brought one of their mom's brand new tampons out into the yard. And they like to dip them in water and they'd open up like umbrellas.

Yeah. I just was, I said, give me that. I'll eat it. And I thought it was just like some kind of a rolled up thing from a first aid kit. I think I was sick. So I ate it, but it was dry and I didn't realize that tampons open up in your throat like an umbrella. So I'm choking in the yard, string hanging out of my mouth. The kids, even the bullies were scared, so I knew I must have been screwed up. My mom came out, yanked the tampon out of my mouth, smacked me in the butt, and the rest is history. I mean, through elementary, high school, always being sent to the office. I used to stand up against the cafeteria wall, let people dip their old napkins in from their lunch trays and their milks, and throw them at me like giant spitballs, and I'd try and catch them in my mouth.

So I got to ask. The cafeteria aides would just sit there. Are you kidding me? That's horrible. I was always at the special table, but I wasn't really special. They always wondered why I didn't blink much. You know what I mean they blink maybe once every 30 minutes yeah like that kid on deliverance playing the guitar

so yeah um I came into this roofing world and it sucked but I was in the roofing industry for 20 years and oh that's the worst wait can I ask you I want to ask you about that and I can let's rewind a little bit I want to talk about when you first start eating the awful things in school now i've heard someone say that that was pica you know when you're compelled to eat objects but as taylor pointed out to me the other day i think that's usually like oh i want to eat dirt i want to eat like just anything anything like you can put your hands on you want to consume so it wasn't that was it it was more about getting attention getting friends well exactly not friends because i was just a good looking guy and a class clown usually class clowns are goofy looking yes i mean it just like i had all the jocks the burnouts the

women i mean everybody the teachers were hitting on me so basically um pica they got me confused with that disease but I do agree with the word pica pica paid in cash always you know what I mean yeah that's what I used to tell the counselors it's an eight be like all these doctors would be like um we're really not sure we can do anything here your mom's waiting out in the car you know what i mean so the first time you ate something that wasn't food was the tampon and the way you described it was like you were choking on the ground and people were concerned for you like when you when that was over and she pulled the tampon by the string out of your mouth were you still like fearful or were you kind of you got like a rush like i can't wait to eat glue and sticks and little rocks i

find on the road yeah because when i was like three and a half four years old i found a pack of my father's non-filtered camel cigarettes and um i ate that whole pack and i turned blue i mean like it was a story that was always in the family. I don't remember. So I think I just, I don't know, my mouth crazed. I mean, because I don't mind glue. And I'd like to take this moment out to do a little

sponsorship from my buddies at PKA who sent me money to get my own drink during this interview and I chose the Max. Thanks, guys. guys elvers makes the tastiest of glues i've i've heard so that was a good pick i feel like we didn't introduce we assume that everyone knew who shoe nice 22 is if people don't know he has hundreds if not thousands of videos on youtube shoe nice 22 and he eats things that you would think would kill people.

It includes drinking, is it a liter? What does vodka come in, like the big things? It's 750 milliliter, where you're my usual slams. Three quarters of a liter. Three quarters of a liter of vodka. He drinks wood glue. He eats things. Yeah, it's important as to what Woody's saying.

This isn't like an eating channel where it's, oh, I'm going to eat a bunch of burgers, or look at how many hot dogs I can eat. It's actual poison. It's actual poison that he eats. Formula 409. Didn't you drink that? It's like that scene at the end of Princess Bride. He's always preparing for a showdown like that, where he's been preparing

by eating poison for years. It's one of those channels that you show to a friend, and you're like, you won't believe what this guy does. He eats a whole thing of cock. And they're like,'re like no he doesn't and then they watch it and then they're like, okay Well, what else does he eat and then go through the whole catalog? So you brought the clock? I'm I don't think clock digests. So tell us what happens after You eat the clock. Do you have well, let's do a little history on eating caulk okay gotta say that carefully um yeah so i would always like as a roofer you'd always have to do

some but i'd never eat the silicone that would go on my pants and you know it hardens up whatever but latex something about it when it i used to wipe it to make it smooth on a gutter edge something in construction and i'd just lick it. And all these people are like, that wasn't real. I mean, you have to poke the – no, you don't have to poke the cheap tubes. And any painter knows when you've got to get something done, you don't have a lot of money. They've got the cheap ones. I heated it up in the microwave, so it came out like frosting.

And it's just latex, bro. I mean, it goes through your system easier than an eraser nutrients out that's that's not good i don't microwave anything now after i learned that so that actually answers the question in my head this thing stays as caulk and when you poop you probably have an all white poop on the other side like I imagine it like a long butthole circumference tube. Just take a candy bar and put it on your glove bar. Take it out of the toilet. It's a silicone rope

that you can just coil up and sit around your plunger and just add more to it every day until eventually you melt it back down and reconsume it, I guess, for a real big stunt. Like a giant tapeworm? I really want to know the answer. When the caulk goes through, is it still caulk on the

back end? No. 98.6 is your body temperature. It's going through stomach acid. I mean, they should make bulletproof vests out of corn kernels because that's the only thing recognizable in my shoe. I don't know if we can swear.

We don't use bad words on this show we use a lot of bad words on this show but it was a whole thing aside from corn i know you said it was only corn but what are the other things that you catch on the back end like you eat correct i like anything wax like if i slam liquid wax it immediately turns hard and then you got that's what one trick of that is somebody almost choked to death i said don't try that i'm a professional idiot with decades of experience i mean i you just i either anything wax comes out and you can see it like crayons lab showed a picture of his crayons after they you know but i don't like posting videos of feces that's why i quit i quit live leak because

i couldn't go to that website and look at all that death and destruction. I'm all about feeding the homeless. You guys gave me $25 for a bottle of wine or scotch. I bought glue, seen a Mexican old man broken down on the side of the road. I said, well, you need gas. He couldn't understand. So I went over to his gas tank, said, jump in. We went over to the place. He took his He took his can got some gas went inside came back. He had Doritos Six-pack of beer some Slim Jim's I said you get any gas The thing was like a quarter full we went back. He didn't have enough gas to get it into the line So I was like all right, bro. I'm out of here, but Woody's gamer tag helped you out today

I'm glad we didn't give him $100. What are you right? He'd have been in the ghetto somewhere filling everybody's tank up I'm bad with money when I'm with the whole I turn around to throw money at the homeless Um, I do this one thing with this one lady She's old and haggard, but I do the $2 crumpled up over my thing, and she catches it in the wind on the corner every, you know, maybe once a week I see her, but it's so funny, and people honk and they cheer when she catches it.

They don't even know what the hell is going on. When's the last time you gave something to the homeless, Kyle? I gave a guy, like, I like I guess maybe like a year and a half two years ago I there was one like at this at the red light I gave him the ones that I keep it oh you're a brother in my book dude one time I mean there's millions I'll never do it I mean that's the trailer probably the ones that I would pass after like a Blues game in downtown St. Louis. I wouldn't stop because when I was a little kid, my dad gave me a dollar to go give to one of them.

And when I did, they snatched my arm real quick and it freaked me out. But I gave like $5. I usually give money one out of eight, nine times at those little corners. As long as I'm not way back. Because I feel like a dick if like you're way like 10 cars back and they're on the corner and you roll it down wave a dollar at them and they have to sprint over like desperate for it.

I feel like I'm kind of an asshole but I saw Woody a year and a half ago. I witnessed Woody giving a homeless gentleman a 20 one time but I thought that guy was a bit of a scam artist. He like had like a giant hand. I don't know how he did that. He's like, I've got to go to the doctor.

Sorry. But I've been in the Denver homeless scene for like three years. But me and my brother, we've been helping out the homeless since we were teenagers. Our mom just instilled it in us. But in Denver, I knew who was just spending it on meth. And they get all mad when I'd give them tacos. They were like, where's the dollar bill? And when I was in my drinking days until New Year's Eve, we would sit there, and I'd get everybody drunk, high, and whatever.

And, you know, I controlled what they did, you know, like 20, 30 of them for a year. They called me the most famous not homeless guy in Denver because they knew the truth. So you had a band of homeless people. Oh, without a doubt. I go down to the line at 12 p.m. I got people in high places, bro, because this one guy sleeps on these church steps. They got to be like 28 steps high. Let me take a shot of this glue, guys.

I appreciate it. Please do. That's great. He is pouring the glue into his mouth. It's just flowing. eight steps high let me take a shot of this glue guys i appreciate it please do please do that's that's great he is pouring the glue into his mouth it's just flowing oh how does it taste something i'm telling you something about this max it's like biting into the side of a piece of ikea furniture i mean it just tastes i remember this now from another video but that is like some good stuff man and you pay the money for it yeah so when you eat stuff that's crazy buy four do you but by the way real quick let me warn everybody that comes into your channel

i've been watching woody's gamer tag for a while. I knew he had a big server on some video game, but I don't know what a server is, and I never played Minecraft. But don't ever attempt anything that I ever do on my channel if you happen to go over there and watch it. I'm a professional idiot with a side of alcoholism for decades.

Okay, guys? That's all I had to say. Go ahead, Woody. That was Taylor. Yeah, go ahead, Taylor. woody the way you guys are listening audio only the way that he ate the glue was the way that someone eats glue if this is the you can't even count this what time this is that you've eaten glue eight year old eats chocolate sauce just bottle like three inches above his mouth head turned up like nom nom up like he was drinking it the way that like michael jordan and mia ham were drinking gatorade in those commercials from like the early 2000s just dumping it in there not missing any that's that that's how i eat ready whip

right tilt it up let the can like you know three inches away from your mouth and shake that's a mistake cc you should be able to like you want to put it horizontally. That way you get some whipped cream and a buzz at the same time. Yes. Nitrous oxide. I'm telling you, man, this is like high-powered energy drink shit in the glue world. That MAX means something. It just ain't regular.

It puts wood together well. It's very good wood glue it's even flammable oh god we're good when you eat something like that is it more that you enjoy eating something that you know you're not supposed to be eating or is there something about all the weird flavors of the various poisons that you eat that you're like oh i kind of like that it's all about a dare bro and youtube 10 years or six years ago just let me amplify the dareness in me don't ever double dog dare me i did a 350 pound sorority girl that a fraternity said you bring back her underwear we'll give you 50 it was my buddy's fraternity i didn't even go that a fraternity said you bring back her underwear we'll give you 50 it was my buddy's fraternity i didn't even go to a fraternity i was an honorary member in like 19 of

them over a 20 year period i got done with this chick the next morning i wake up i thought my head was up against the wall and she was behind me but her back was the wall you know i get up and i try and leave she's like oh no you can't leave you said you're taking me to breakfast i said when did i say that when your thighs were closed up against my ears and i couldn't say anything for an hour i'm running across the soccer field to this thing with her panties flapping in the wind i mean it slowed me down like a parachute on a dragster car i get back to the fraternity they spent all the money nobody's got five bucks and i was like all right at least you got a half keg and just threw the panties in

the air legendary from 88 sorry when i remember a story i'm just gonna throw it out there's so many of them i'm like like Forrest Gump, for real. I had braces on my legs as a kid. I went to Warren back, and I had a son with a girl named Jenny. The whole figure. I don't have any documentation on, like, two or three of those things you just said, so I'm just going to take them with a grain of salt. All right.

So Chiz reached out to you and asked you to be on the show, right? And I guess you said yes, and at some point the negotiation got to this. If I don't hear from you by tomorrow, I'll figure you back down like the rest of the pussy channels on YouTube. Tell Harley to go fuck himself when you see him again. Your podcast looks like a lesbian book club anyway. Have a nice life, broski. All right.

All right. First off, I would always be a part of your world even if you didn't have me on because you know just as i can understand maybe somebody emailed your work and said show nice scams people and just send you like a hundred of them and then you say well we don't really need this guy but in the end i probably got like six grown men that are actual drunk haters and google hangouts and they just plan all these stupid conspiracies against me and i think it's pretty cool because i formed all the hate on purpose but to get back to you on that thing can you quote me again there was something i'd love to uh tell harley i'll figure you back

down like the rest of it. Tell Harley to go fuck himself, and your podcast looks like a lesbian book club. That's the part I'm most excited about, really. I really think we should swap out RSK with LBC. When I used to do stand-up comedy, I used to open up for headliners in upstate New York, and I wouldn't get paid, but I'd get more laughs than they had. People would scream,

bring back the guy that doesn't get paid and I was just sitting there and the group of women were down in front and I said well what's this the lesbian book club I knew it was a bachelorette party but I mean people got up off their feet and were clapping so I just ripped on these people for like that's where the lesbian book club you guys guys look like, I mean, dudes that I would go to Vegas with, like, for real, man. The next Mark Wahlberg entourage. I'll be the star. I mean, I know you are too, Woody, but, you know, let me go first. So now why should I be telling Harley to fuck himself?

Because I guess. Here's the deal with me and Harley. Go way back. I mean, I went way back with lab serious pete it was just me epic meal time was above us he was like oh we love harley but um he's an epic fat head gym dude he don't look it but he's just like furious pete it's one of them egotistical type a personality always has to have that perfect car perfect girl and just if somebody beats them in anything even a verbal conversation it pisses them off so me and harley

are on the phone one night i got this hot chick next to me in massachusetts we're gonna get together and collab he shit-faced is me she's like get the fuck out of bed if you're gonna sit here and talk to that idiot i said that's harley from epi you have no idea he was on the phone bitch so i went to the living room i said all right harley the next day he's like dude you were so drunk i don't even know if you heard or whatever six months later this dude gets on his twitter with 350 000 followers and says shoenice can't even keep a chicken bed. I was on the phone when he got kicked out. That's when

I sent out the Shoenice Army Wolfpack and we trolled everybody. And we just disliked everything, but I love Harley. The Shoenice Army Wolfpack. I don't ever start an argument. Oh, the Wolfpack's retired. I'm done with my

trolling days. It just got boring. I imagine the Wolfpack's retired. I'm done with my trolling days. It just got boring I said I imagine the wolf that was what you call that band of homeless people Like 85 hobo Poor Starbucks, I think Harley made some professional mistakes that brought him out of the top 10 in YouTube, but who's talking? But it doesn't matter because Vivo is going to be in the top 10, top 20. It's all going to be Vivo, Justin Bieber, Eminem, because it's just music, and Vivo's going to own that top 10. Eventually, PewDiePie will be caught in views by Eminem.

It slowly but surely happened, and Justin Bieber's coming up with a new album. So yeah, Taylor Swift, I knew you were trouble when you didn't give me any views. So you're not drinking right now. So that's interesting to me, because we were talking about, like, oh, we should have him do a liquor slam on the show, and then Chiz was like, no, he's not drinking right now.

I was like, oh, so he swore off liquor. He's like, oh, no, no, no, just for now. Like, at New Year's or Christmas, correct me, whichever you're going to. At New Year's Eve, I might do a slam. I'm really on a Shakeology diet. I meet a trainer from 5 a.m. to 6 a.m. my time because they all have real jobs, too. But they train in Muay Thai. And, you know, I'm just trying to learn not i'm a badass mofo i'm gonna tell you everybody right now i was just born a badass you can take all the classes you want to have all the belts hanging on the wall i can't i can't i mean i've had so many dudes

kick me in the face and i'm like nike adidas or reebok give me that thing you know and just show them that seven years ain't shit 4 a.m outside of a bar but i was never a fighter people always just wanted to test me because all the women were hanging around me i could break dance as a white guy so at 4 a.m like i'd be jumped by like seven eight dudes and i couldn't get away from it then the cops would show up i'd like chill i'd be fighting the cops but you never knocked me out. My great-grandfather was semi-pro boxer. My grandfather was. My father had the Muhammad Ali speed bag.

I did that at, I was doing. My grandpa was a professional boxer. My dad had a speed bag. That lineage really broke apart. And now I eat glue on the internet. But I'm taking, no, that's what I mean. I got to, I'm training now. People glue on the internet. But I'm taking no. That's what I mean. I'm training now.

People don't realize that. I'm combining my strength and my heart and now a little bit of skill. But once that freight train gets into that cage and with these jackhammers, it's just over. I don't care who you are, what you're doing. I'm going to be in the UFC by 50. And you guys are going gonna be in the front row VIP I'll go I'll go I would gladly watch you in the UFC I

Wanted to do this since I was 21 when USC started and when you know Hoist Gracie would fight four guys in one night and break all their arms when they're tapping out for five minutes You know what? I mean He didn't let go. You guys just want to remember this statement. Woody, Taylor, and I can't see this dude's name because my face is black. I'm going to call him

Kyle. Some kind of three letters. IPS. FPS. FPS. Oh yeah, it's right there. But I didn't cheat. Alright, yeah, so you guys will be there, man. I appreciate this. Some, yeah. FPS. Oh, yeah, it's right there. But I didn't cheat. All right, yeah, so you guys will be there, man. I appreciate this. Some promotional things.

I'm doing a promotion with Joey's World Tour. I'm actually moving to L.A. in like three weeks. There's this guy that's just like, dude, you know how many commercials I could have put you in? You could have been the new progressive insurance spokesperson. We're getting rid of Flo's ass, know i'm dead i didn't see you in that job you know i came here for some reasons my son's gonna be 18 he can do what he wants we'll meet out in la and all this you know as an amount on venice beach as an award-winning dancer your break dance claims really caught my attention. Could you still break dance? Yeah, I can do certain things show me something I'm in a controlled area I can always you know just hit the hat over Break it down from a seated, you know who wants me to come out of the garden house, you know

Who wants me to come out of the garden house? You know what I mean? Where's that doorknob? Here it is. It's yours. You broke it. Yeah, they call me White Lightning. I mean, yeah.

Eighth grade, I did LL Cool J. Do you know my friend Sexy Vanilla Freshness? Sexy Vanilla Freshness. She related to Vanilla Ice? It was a dude. because right now i'm being sued from vanilla nice i mean i'm being sued from vanilla ice or saying vanilla nice you know the kardashians had me banned from twitter yep i'm not on twitter anymore guys sorry wait how'd you get banned from twitter because of the kardashians give us that this this goes back to me eating kim k's the jj off the cover of a magazine and it got like a hundred thousand views so they must just have been going through youtube and it came up so she tweeted

to me this is before kanye she tweeted to me oh my god or they were just dating she goes this guy on youtube with these really blue eyes just ate me off of a magazine weird and i didn't even know these dudes like yo kim kardashian just said something about twitter about you so i went on and um i didn't even have a twitter account but i found the tweet and i said oh shit that's me what's up black white black white it's my turn right so she blocked me but they continued to block me. And then I got an email from something in the car. I thought it was like some kind of a troll email I get all the time.

And, yeah, it was actually Kardashians saying that they wanted me to take down every video talking about Kim K's a JJ. So I didn't. I was hoping to be sued and it would be all over e-news and everything but that's what I'm hoping for you know you're a nice guy and I'm just having a podcast with you but I troll the big-timers just so they'll shout me out like that leafy is here dude you ever hear I saw you trolling him recently I mean he's blown up he's just a nerd. He's got all the emo chicks, you know.

So, of course, he's going to get about 2 million views overnight just going, well, it's... Come on. I got to eat a tampon dipped in Dave's Insanity Sauce. I can't even pull 20,000 views. It's all politics. YouTube knows exactly what they're doing. They're punishing me because I went to another network, went back with Google. You know what I mean?

Now I'm back and things are looking better. They weren't getting their slice of the shoe nice pie. What's up, bro? They weren't getting their slice of the shoe nice pie. You cut them out. Yeah, but I got things coming down the road, something similar to this, but I'm just going to be talking to my – I won't be in a group. I'll just be doing my own podcast, talking to my fans. I want to be a time where people are going to go to my YouTube

and they're going to turn it on and it might not be there. It might be five years down the road, but yeah, I'm going to do it. I'm yelling at Google. He's in here again. What's up, bro? I know you get some haters on your videos now, but I remember when you first started uploading and every single comment, it was overwhelmingly positive. Everybody thought it was hilarious. And for no reason in every one of your episodes, you do something where like, and this one's for all the haters out there. You just addressed a big fictitious group of phantoms at the time there were no haters it was like 50 000 likes 60 dislikes and you're like and you can tell me to fuck off as much as

you want but i'm not stopping and it was like why did you why did you do that and then just invite so many people just for the fuck to be funny i just i was born with that tell johnny one thing and tell Freddie another. So they'll fight on the playground and I'll just be on a swing going. But I don't know. It just, yeah, it's a,

it's almost like just being a prankster. It's the prankster in people. Some people in life just don't care, but some people just love to get that bucket of water to dip on their buddy's head. And I think I took that with the videos and trolls. I used to just make videos. You got to pay me $5 to be a friend of mine on Facebook. And I really didn't need it, but I knew haters would take them videos.

And I formed Hate On Purpose because hate versus good, you know, it brings conflict, and conflict brings change. And I'm going to change the world through a YouTube community. So all my little haters, they'll be kneeling along the other masses when I become the next Messiah. That sounds kind of weird. Can I take another hit of glue? What is he hitting right now?

Well, just some tobacco. My hookah won't reach here. Some kind of Indian tobacco. Some kind of Indian tobacco. Smells skunky. Illegal. Like burnt rope. So I got a question for you.

I watched the Vice documentary. Can you hear me? Yeah. And I guess you used to live with either your wife or a serious girlfriend, and she kicked you out because she couldn't handle the fame. Yeah, I lied about that on Vice. I thought you might have. I was actually from my pill addiction.

That's right. I was freaking out. I was freaking out. Prostitution. That might have been the kind to show you in that light then, weren't they? Damn, man. I broke my back in the union, and I came out of that hospital with morphine patches stuck to my nutsack. I was just like, eh?

Oh, yeah, I got a family? And then I just started, like... You're very accurate. and then I just started like very accurate the VA I'm a veteran so all my shit's for free and they'll pop anything in your mouth as long as they get paid and they put me into a state

of mind that put me into a mental institute for two weeks and at the end of that two weeks the doctors came over to me and say hey we apologize for blaming our cause we apologize for diagnosing you with bipolarism disorder when we know it was the medication we gave you and please don't call a lawyer or anything but

here's the exit i'm like oh yeah to get to the end of that question dude um my ex-wife is just like listen we got a kid, but you're just insane But I didn't see anything in perspective I mean the first six months of my videos in the trailer when I started eating stuff I was probably on 15 hydrocodone tens of a Morphine patches and anybody that's on opiates. It's hard to come off of you if you're weak-minded I just quit shit here like boom.'re weak-minded i just quit shit like boom i'm done and i just quit like that drinking but you couldn't seem to aj

you didn't quit in time to stay at home though like you quit after she kicked you out no i quit yeah i started drinking again because i was sober at home, but I was popping pills. When she threw me out, I started drinking, and I couldn't get pills anymore. So you figure that one out, bro. But I'll see you at the next AA meeting, man. I got to go get me some beer before the liquor store closes. It's an old rehab joke. Rehab is a teenager.

My school sent me to rehab for a drinking problem. And when I went to rehab, I learned how to trip on acid and mushrooms. You know what I mean? I feel like we really skipped over the part where you were in the mental institution. And I want to go back to that. Yeah.

We should really not gloss over your stay at a mental institution. Now was that, is that the only time you've been in a mental health facility? Yeah, it was, I was one flew over the shoe shoes nest it's a good movie very sad i only watched it once i was hooked on all these pills and i was running through cornfields on my property and finally she just called this ambulance and police and they're like we're gonna take you somewhere to sleep tonight and i'm just like no. But I was doing stand-up comedy in the police car, and she turned on the radio and the whole unit started. Well, sit down comedy. We get to the institute, and I'm doing stand-up comedy.

I'm waving at the cameras. This is all high on pills. The next day, he said, we're going to keep you for about a week, and you're going to take this. So when I took that, I went crazy and kicked the door out and I ran around this baseball field like, I don't know, field the dreams or something. And this lawnmower guy started chasing me and they brought me back up and they knew they screwed up. And eventually near the end, I was actually doing NA meetings while the teacher was late and they were just like this dude ain't crazy he's a genius get him out of here man get somebody that's really crazy in here so that's basically all it was only two

weeks and yeah it was just what did you do during those two weeks they could they just sort of sobered you up like did you attend classes group therapy like what is it like once they mark you in in your wife's in agreeance they can keep you for an automatic 10 days where nothing changes you go to meetings they try to rebuild your life it's mostly suicide people in this unit i was in i had no idea why i was there i was telling everybody that suicides for pussies and if you you try it again and it works you're not going to heaven because you're not on your life's path. They're like, we gotta get this guy out of here.

Man, that's not a very productive guy to have in the suicide meeting. You're all a bunch of pussies! Just kill yourself. You won't do it? Go ahead and do it! Prove me wrong! You know? I've taken a lot of people

up as, I don't know what what it is if they're lying or not but people come in when i used to have facebook i was like dr phil in the messages hey man i was in a dark place i was gonna kill myself i found your youtube videos i'm back at college i'm back getting along with my boss parents come in wow you just changed our kids they do it the shoe nice way now and it's just like you're what does that mean what is the shoe nice way like if you had to attach a slogan to yourself what is it all or nothing like what is the shoe nice way saving souls smoking bowls and crushing trolls what's my life motto i smoke marijuana for my crohn's disease i've gone practically homeless feeding the homeless and i just love the troll mofo that's just gets so uptight over words on an

internet website there's lots of them out there if someone else i'm sorry bro if someone out there's is feeling suicidal or just down on themselves and they need a little bit of shoe nice, what video do you think is the most inspirational that would put them on the path that you've made? Probably Earthworm Chubby Bunny. You don't laugh at that. You might as well get the news tight. I didn't mean that. Stop it.

Either way, sometimes my split personality likes to sneak out but yeah um um i just i tell people yo if you kill yourself you're a little bitch i'm gonna slap your mom's ass at the funeral and they're like wow he responded to me oh my but then you save somebody's life and they become annoying you know they just never it's like somebody you pull out of a fire i mean they just never then they cling yeah okay okay enough with the hallmark cards you know what i mean just say it to me it means more sorry what's up so which inspirational that would put kids on the right is it like the really heavy drinking or the the tampon ones to cheer people up everything about me dude i'm just hilarious i just something about i had spent my

whole life i just people always wanted to be at that bar with me roofers out of town they always wanted to be in the car with me tram i mean, I don't know what it is. I just bring up the spirits of people. That's why I call myself the next Gandhi, just with nice shoes. You can't save the world in sandals anymore. No, you can't. I guess not. It takes proper footwear, I would assume. Woody, you got a question? I don't know.

It's the product of there are so many things that I'm thinking about right now that I can't even begin to nail it down. Where are you living right now? Do you want me to do a quick rendition of my whole life in under a minute? Under a minute? So this is a stand-up bit you've done.

I'd like to hear it. Alright, I'll do some stand-up. We'll pick the crowd.'ll say uh austin texas sidebar off the main strip all people with cowboy hats and stuff you know what i mean sure yeah sure hey everybody what's going on tonight anybody drinking over there i can't been watching you guys for an hour Sipping off that Hey watch it bro I never hear that voice at paid shows Alright check it out guys

I'm the opening act I'm not getting paid And you didn't pay to see me So there's no pressure here I've never seen so many Backward ass country fucks in my life Sick just to be in this place. You know what I mean?

My parents drank so much beer when we were kids. We had to use their old koozies for arm floaties at the public pool. You know what I mean? You think that's funny, dude? Yeah, either way. I'd have Lysa Beach on one arm and go on fishing in the other. You know what I mean? Parents were so drunk on Easter, our baskets would be hidden in the neighbor's house. You know what I mean? Parents were so drunk on Easter, our baskets would be hidden in the neighbor's house.

You know what I mean? Jesus Christ, you think that's funny, dude? So is your girl. God damn. Thank God you're behind that fence or whatever they put up there. Yeah, so anybody doing the bull tonight? Somebody get on that bull right now.

Take the pressure off of me because I really don't have jokes for you hillbilly fucks. First off, WWE is fake as shit. And if you're spreading that down to your next generation, I don't feel for you, man. I don't. How's that, man? Good. I didn't even have anything in my head. I was impressed by how you set up a way too detailed stage before you began.

You had to create an alternate reality. No, Houston. Houston. I think it was in Austin. Bar to the side. I really performed in front of a whole, I'm not racist, never was, but I performed in a whole, it was not one white person for six blocks or in the auditorium. I did it for these guys that I'm seeing me doing a talent show.

And I had to wait for 2 a.m. to go up. And I just, you know, I came out and I said, hey, man, I've been waiting four hours to make you mofos laugh. Can I at least say the only racist joke I know? So I say this joke which really isn't too bad. It's funny. When people know you're not racist, they don't care. Tell your joke.

Only racist people have racist thoughts. Take that to the end, guys. Break time? What's your joke? Jesus Christ. I thought you said break um the joke i don't know i don't know if i should say it on this podcast you can go to some people where it's donors lives matter right you want to talk about legal marijuana and why i live in colorado

you live in colorado your tobacco how Colorado? Yeah, as you take a hit of your tobacco. How do you know? You can tell by hand movements? You just said it. My buddies used to love hanging out with me when we were in New York and it was illegal because I'd be like, yo, don't be using your hands like that. Get that off camera. Your tobacco.

You should probably enjoy your tobacco off the camera. The camera is... That was a flashlight, bro. That ain't no... Ah, I see. It did look rather small. I'm fixing my thing for later, man. That's...

You ever see a bong? That's... I don't ever see a bong. That's the... The... The drizz catcher. I say, I'm going to bring illegal substances into a podcast. Who would do that?

That sounds crazy. None of us. I put you guys up here because you're PKA and I'm shoe nice, but eventually all these triangles will have letters everywhere and nobody can figure out nothing, and then I'll just rip it down in a psychedelic raid. I go through backgrounds like Kim K.K. goes through the J.J.'s, bro. You were saying that sometimes you go into a psychotic rage where you tear down your background.

Tell us about one of the times you did that. This guy takes everything literally. No, actually, bro, it's not a psychotic rage it's just god so many people are like dude where's my name on the background where is it i said it's to the right i just don't have the camera pointed on it and i said that to hundreds of people so i just can't do that anymore i just can't say hey what's your base on your videos over the years based on everything i've seen of you your your closet's pretty monochromatic, huh? There's not a lot of yellows and oranges in there.

It seems like every hat you have is blue, every shirt you have is blue, or you're really playing up those blue eyes you've got. They look real nice. How many blue shirts do you have? Blue is the color of relaxation, and I've always worn blue. Giant span for life.

and I've always worn blue. Giant's fan for life. So did you upload like 20 or 30 or 100 videos in a day recently? What happened? Yeah, I'd say it's about 85 in two days. I'm doing a little September test, and I want to relive hitting 500,000 subscribers again, so I got to get like 70,000 unsubscribe Okay

It's going all over the web and people are just like, you know killer Kings They're all so scared to just shout out shoe nice cuz they don't want epicness coldness to be in their community they can't handle it like we can people oh my god i've been watching this furious pete all this time he mentioned shoe nice is once once when furious p was mentioned by him a hundred times so i don't want that forgive me for being out of the loop but is furious pete also like an eater? Like what does he do? Yeah he's a crazy eater, gym lifter he's got a German TV show, he goes around the world

and eats. Does Furious Pete eat anything that you can't? Like can he hang with you? Um not really. Pete eats large amounts of food really fast. Like he'll eat a pizza that's as big as your entire table. But it's not any glue.

It's like a burger or pizza. It's actual food that he eats. But it's with a lot of water, like Matt Stoney and all these guys. The Nathan's Hot Dog, people beg me to go to it. I said, I'll go the first time they don't allow water. We don't like the water. Why is that? I want to see Matt Stoney and Chestnut eat a hot dog without being all broken down by water.

Because it's not a hot dog bun. It's mush. It's not eating 80 hot dogs in 30 minutes. It's eating mush and hot dogs. That is true. If you take the water out of the equation i'll tear that group up i don't know you might i just know how to swallow with a dry esophagus man you probably would win actually because it seems like everybody who does that competition is really really dependent on that

water that asian guy is he gets it both all the way in like kawasaki or whatever his name is well the new winner is matt stoney that um magatachi he's gone now he's retired but yeah matt stoney is the new champ but chestnut just beat matt stoney out for the most current record of nathan's hot dog contest which has lost all its flair over the years i find find that competition disturbing to watch. Yeah, I can't watch hot dogs all coming out of people's mouths. I mean, I can eat some crazy stuff, but yeah, there's some things that'll make me gag.

That's one of them. Hot dogs. Especially 90 degree heat. Imagine picking that up after. You couldn't pay me enough for a temporary janitor. So where do you live now? Are you living in a house, your own house? Are you staying with a buddy? Yeah, Denver, Colorado.

I got a two-bedroom condo. Okay. And you use YouTube money to pay the rent? I got different ventures. I got things that I'll be paid for the rest of my life. And yeah, YouTube is probably maybe my rent. Paid for the rest of my life. And yeah, YouTube is probably maybe my rent. Paid for the rest of your life? It just got really shitty.

You have a trust fund? You know, buddy. It just got really bad lately. I mean, when it was just YouTube, I made some good money. And I was just like, I don't know. Maybe it's, oh, that's right. I'm uploading 100 videos a day. Don't give a shit about my subscribers.

But I do, and the real ones know that. But I can't have little bitches in my hunger revolution, so I got to weed them all out through trolling on YouTube. Because I can't have people that are bitching about their news feeds on free YouTube to go to Africa with me when I go save that continent. And I'm dead serious. So I've often wondered about... I'm building up a community of people. Your plan seems to be, it's like an underwear gnome

type plan, if you follow the reference. Step one, eat glue. Step two, question mark. Step three, cure world hunger. Right? So there's a disconnect in there for me between the glue and the world hunger right that's what you don't understand right now and all i ask is just laugh for now and i'll pause you when i

need you because yeah you kids can't save the world in six years you know what i mean i gotta become president united states in 2020 over kanye I got to use that poll to bring everything because, listen, you can end global hunger, guys. It's a simple equation. It's like a mathematical equation. Sure, sure. What is the equation? It's three times two to the

second power equals spread the wealth. Spread the wealth. Okay. So wait, what is the plan? The plan is that eventually I'm going to brainwash close to 20,000, 30,000 people over a 10, 15 year period. And within 25 years, yeah, they're going to be playing Xbox Live in Africa. Wawa Wampa from Utopia is going to be playing Oonga Oonga from South Africa.

It's really a racist thing. Nobody wants to explode Africa into a prominent country. Why bother? The cool part is you can get the UFC fights on an Xbox so they'll see you when you compete. It's the banks that are keeping Africa

hungry, bro. Which banks? Rothschilds, right? Bastards. box so they'll see you when you compete it's the banks that are keeping africa hungry bro which banks fuck that every every one broth childs right bastards yeah i've heard of that i'm not i'm not all about that illuminati and conspiracy theories i think conspiracy theories came right along the same time with molly you know what i mean i mean this new generation of like bush did the 9-11 and all that I'm all about just helping out as many people as I can before my heart stops beating and I do it on a small you know atmosphere plane whatever you want to call it now but it's definitely going to multiply I just see it I've seen it since I was eight years old going to bed night. I was just on top of this hill, like the movie Close Encounters of the Third Kind.

And he's like, where'd the noise come from? And they say, huge job, and set a point near the sky. I'm not crazy. It's just, this is what's going to happen in my life. Whoever wants to be a part of it, hey. So anyways, how about them new tampons they got from OB? Strawberry scented? Now I can go down on a vajayjay

all the time? I didn't know they had strawberry scented tampons. Have you tried one of those? It could be a vid. I'm going just visiting your YouTube channel right now is

it's baffling that there are so many videos uploaded that make no sense and have no use and I'm so puzzled you really are trying to lose subscribers you really are I thought you were bullshit and you are clearly not

you are trying to lose subscribers. It's just a test, guys. A little more glue? What the fuck? He's eating several more ounces of glue. I got a question for you. With the beard, though, it's tough. You got to remember you got a beard now, so you can't leave like extracts and then go to the store.

Yo, I once painted my face on Sharpie, did a video. Then I ran to 7-Eleven. Indian dude was like, oh, see you making YouTube vids again. Sure. Yeah. Sometimes when you eat crazy things, I see you like manipulating your throat or esophagus or whatever the shit is. Are you just playing it up for the camera? Like you just kind of like hamming it up to make it look like, I don't know, there's a special technique to it when really you're just drinking.

Nah, it's all literally pain and tastes like shit. No, I don't ever play anything up. Nothing's ever fake. You can say everything is altered, but I've been doing it. What he's asking is, are you doing anything to, like, rub your throat to help things down? Is that a thing? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. When I go up with that liquor, I know that first shot is like, but I've done it since i was 15 so as long as i can get it past that throat and

esophagus area and down i'm fine and just i don't know when you're up like this and you push in on here the esophagus goes like this and sure i don't know it just i i can do that with anything man with water whatever it's just you got to go past a certain point. And it's like I'm holding my throat up and my head just to keep it all. And it just goes down like them sword swallowers. When you drink a bottle of vodka afterwards, are you sick or just happy and drunk? It's more of a just I know I'm going to bed. I eat good food before it

drink a whole bottle of vodka and fall asleep i put some more excuse me that glue gives you the gas um sure yeah that must be the glue i didn't mean to burp, bro. But yeah, what was the question? After you drink a bottle of vodka. That burp tastes like a carpenter's ass. After you drink a bottle of vodka, what's going on with you? Like, are you sick? Are you sweating? Are you sleepy? Are you happy?

Are you sad? I'm fine, usually. There's some aftermath bits. But what it is is that I just plan it out. It's not like everybody's like, slam this bottle of liquor at this bar. No. One time, I slammed a bottle of liquor and had it out in public, and I got arrested on the beach. I don't even know how, but I was fighting like 30 people.

So I just go to bed, and I really don't even know the exact reason. Well, then you do know how it happened. I just wake up, and I just,'t even know what happened wake up and I just So what was the absolute worst one as far as I got I got out of jail and I walked back to the hotel My buddy next door to me goes. I knew you were gonna get arrested. I was like you should have tackled me, dude Next question, I'm sorry my brothers what was the worst booze one or i guess better question was there ever one of the booze slams where you actually thought like this is physically dangerous i have to go get this taken care of and not me but my friends couldn't wake me up after the Devil Springs 116. I woke up in the emergency room with a tube down my throat.

They should have taken me to the VA because I got free insurance there, so I got hit up with a $600 pump your stomach bill. Yeah, so that was the only time. I never get worried. There was one time I thought I was going to die. The fish sauce slam. I didn't realize all the teaspoons of salt and sodium. People do that in China to kill themselves. So I'm running around Denver 16th Street Mall.

Just Gatorades. I just couldn't get it up. And I was just like, I did an aftermath of it. I'm like, OK, OK, because it felt like everything just got sucked inward. Like I wasn't sweating. I'm going that way to save my body. You're crying out. You're crying.

Just crisping away. I went to spit in the air and it came back like a yo-yo. Oh, that's terrible. You needed a bag of saline. You said once that you don't throw up and that you can't throw up. Is that just something you said? Is that true, you can't throw up? No, I really don't have that puke thingy in my...

I've tried it with so much stuff. I want to try that Ipecac, but no, I don't puke. I've never puked. And my mom never puked either, and she used to drink like a half a gallon of vodka a day and go to work. Jesus Christ. That's a lot of vodka. That's where I learned how to slam because I knew she had vodka under the sink.

I'd have to slam it real quick while I was doing dishes. What was that noise? Nothing, Mom. I just dropped the Tupperware ball. You know what I mean? We both be drunk. Sure, yeah. We all know what he means.

We've all been there. Yeah, yeah. It's hard to smell vodka on somebody's breath when you got it on yours yes that's a t-shirt right there i'm not proud of my alcoholism and that's why i'm dropping it out of my um entertainment career because youtube was just a resume and it's working i'd love to go into details about it but But, yeah, I was around a company with a tractor trailer full of equipment. So call them independent film. I don't care.

That's a lot of equipment. I based my movie career on trailers of equipment. Once they're 17, you know I've got Angelina Jolie. She's available now. Yeah. Who cares? You know why she wants sole custody? Because Brad Pitt likes to do cocaine and

Mylene passes out till noon, you know? She can't leave the kids there alone. It's not like he's cheating on her or he's gay. Whole Hollywood's hooked on cocaine. I can act without it. You want a line of coke? Hell no. I'm crazy as it is. Jesus, give me the script. I'm doing the backwards you know

what i mean smoke you're doing backwards no dude i don't understand man i'm watering these plants over here i'm watching for the neighbors so you mentioned being arrested you sounded like maybe that wasn't that big of a deal how many many times have you been arrested, and what was the most serious of offenses? All my arrests came from me being drunk. I haven't been ever arrested. Yeah. But anyways, I was a victim of a lot of circumstances. Sure.

It's hard to believe, but yeah. I've literally tried to break up a fight and was almost beaten to death by a police department um it's the whole department i don't want to get a few licks in but either way we called their police department little shop of horrors they were brutal back in the early 90s. But what was your question again, sir? How many times have you been arrested? Oh, yeah. Probably like I'd say 12.

12. Well, one was for marijuana possession as a teenager. One was for breaking into my dad's house after he threw me out and having a house party, but he dropped the charges. Then I fought with the police a lot um that was four or five times and then i broke battles with the law enforcement i was a hero to that city i broke up a bad um prostitution sting we're undercover cops were going right up to cars and presenting themselves and then they would arrest them and i was like that's entrapment i gotta stop this on my 10 hydrocodones so then they beat me up there and this dude pulled my id out he goes oh guess who we got here

mr chris shuey i remember dragging him through an alley 14 years ago and then i went on a spiel how they sent away an innocent man for six six years to cover up the whole incident but either way some people don't want me alive come get some so maybe they'll make another one of those making a murderer documentaries about you it sounds like there's all kinds of strings to be forced. I'm the next Forrest Gump, bro. My next movie will be Forrest Gump. When I hit that million subscribers mark after 15 more years and I'm that angry grandpa but I've literally

saved certain portions of Africa. It's going to get epic, man. People just laugh at me now. Which areas of Africa do you think are the most in need? We got to definitely hit the West Coast in because we got to take care of all the terrorism before we can actually bring ships of food in because they're just going to try and control it.

So step one is war. Oh, gosh, you nice is here. I'm going to be like this with my fucking, like, over here. Put the corn over there, man. Put the corn over there. Not your first horn Yeah, why are you all right videos right now? I'll just look at your channel. You're uploading

30-second and one-minute videos and they're all like three hours ago three hours Hey, let me give you my sign in info right now when you guys upload a video me talking to you I'm going to give you my sign-in info right now when you guys upload a video of me talking to you. One of your videos is Shoe Nice Nursery Rhymes Remix. Did you like them, Ray? You know, hickory dickory dock, every bitch wants my cock. I don't know. I was giving shout-outs to Andrew Dice Clay. He's one of my heroes. He would tear up an audience like Don Rickles and just walk away with everybody pissed.

I love that shit. Deal with it. You came to a comedy show. There's a four second video titled Good Night. Sparky, Sparky, Sparky, Sparky. Come here. You want a little treat? Come here. Is he giving his dog tobacco?

He's giving himself some tobacco. Or maybe he is giving... I don't know what the fuck's going on over there. I ain't got the time, buddy, you know? Hurry up, shoe-knife. Hurry up. That always leaves me

with this point in time. That is... Is that a Trump mask? Hold on a second. Hold on a second here. Can anybody tell I'm dating a chick at a Halloween costume store? This one is freaky, though, man. I scared the shit out of people.

All right, showtime's over. Next question. That's all your math. Get out of here. How did you get hooked up with the vice people? They reached out to you and wanted to do a documentary? Yeah, that was a guy from Motherboard, Dan.

Loved my videos and he just threw me down on their table. And literally when the one lady found out what I was doing and for what, they just, within like a week, they were coming to my house or my hotel at the time. How did they react to your plan to solve world hunger? Oh, they loved it. I mean, we started out with a handshake. By the time we left, they were just hugging me. And they actually turned that documentary into a TV episode on their Viceland.

And it's on tomorrow at 4.30 your time. If you've got the Viceland channel, that's an epic channel. I don't care. I watch that all day. But it's been on. It's repeated now. But I love that. I mean, Tosh.0 can kiss my ass.

What a bunch of losers over there at Comedy Central. I've been on that show. They just use you. Yes. They don't care about it. They sat there and they ate their buffet of food in front of me. Made me eat all this fake garbage. I said, I'd rather eat real roof and tar than brownie mix that's been sitting here for half an hour.

Don't ever disrespect me. So you were unhappy with the craft services at tosh.io i just you know i what pissed me off the most is me and ty pictures whatever get out of here dude you're a loser i went home and um they were like i took their video they put on their comedy central youtube i didn't go take anything off their website and i just posted it on my channel not only to promote Daniel Tosh but to promote me as being on Daniel Tosh because I thought it was cool and they Got YouTube to give me a copyright strike and that cost me money in the end

It just downgrades your channel, and I told them all a suck my dick I'm sorry Was there anything else interesting about your time with Tosh like behind the scenes that nobody knew about like any impressions of that guy like you said he's a real loser did you even talk to him that much it was

Daniel on his way Daniel in the building he come around the corner he looked at me he knew I was funny and he had a challenge yet and I kept making him laugh. They kept having to stop. I was going off cue, saying my own shit. They left some of it in, but I was supposed to answer only what they told me to say, and I didn't do it.

So they finally just let it through. There was like 15 employees that weren't even working there that day, but they were in the studio where they had the telethon because they just loved me. And Daniel walked in. How many more people can we get here that aren't even working there that day, but they were in the studio where they had the telethon because they just loved me. And Daniel walked in. How many more people can we get here that aren't doing anything? Get your skinny ass up on stage. I got to go on a flight because you can't even put me in for a night after the show, you know? I, like, literally got done eating chocolate shit for them,

and they had me in this car with some haji dude. I'm running through LA to get back to the airport. I'm like, God forbid Country Comedy Central ever gave me two nights at a hotel. Next question. So I saw on the vice

I like your style and next. It's usually Woody who does that. I like it that you're introducing that. I saw on the vice that you were in Iraq. We've been to Iraq so many times, forgive me, but I'm not sure which time you went. So what years were you in Iraq? Well, I was the one where we rescued a country, Kuwait.

Oh, yeah. Good time. Okay. But no, it was cool, man. Basically, I joined the Army just to go through basic training in AIT to get that money because me and my buddy wanted to move to Florida. I had all intentions of quitting the service when I got out and not even going to my one weekend a month.

So basically, I tried to build back into with my sergeant, but they didn't have a unit in Florida. I came back to New York. The guy's just like, I'm just putting you on IRR, which is Individual Ready Reserve. So when Baghdad started getting bombed in 1991 and Saddam's cutting off everybody's heads in Kuwait, I was sent over there through an IRR program. I didn't have to go. I could have just ditched them.

But I said, no, I'm going to go over there and beat these mofos asses. So I actually called them because my mom had called me and said, the's looking for you i just said hey when do i leave they're like two days i'm like what i thought maybe you have a week you're so man can i change my mind now now we got your number you're going i didn't say but uh yeah the giants beat the buffalo bills in the superbowl and i got on a plane to iraq i held up that plane watch that kick wide right wide right yeah sure i it's a big night for me it's nice talking to people my age rug rats of the internet world it's nice talking to people with actual brains you know what i mean oh i didn't mean that you two people yeah i did go ahead next question

so what did you do in iraq like you were in the army infantry one kilo 51 kilo plumber i was combat engineer kind of but they didn't need any plumbers when i got there but i was with the bad news bears crew platoon we just all came out of everywhere together as a group of people that quit the army so they would put us on the back of a five ton and we just headed out into the desert for two days and two nights sleeping right underneath the stars until they found a unit that wanted you well we pulled up to this unit captain opens up the doors move them cots over you said you want another guy. We got one. So they send me in with these two other temps that weren't going to stay there, but they had to sleep overnight.

They had to move all their stuff. Now, I'm the only white guy in the tent. I don't care because I'm not prejudiced. But when it came shower time, yeah, men weren't created equal. My nickname was Jimmy Dean Sausage. You know what I mean? Either way, I don't know why I went into small white penis stories, but yeah, I was food supply. And I just fed everybody and all the units out on the front lines.

They'd send back their five tons, their cooks, boom, boom, boom. Make deals with people. When you got the only refrigerated truck in the whole company, yeah, own shit next question did you have a camel i didn't shoot any humans thank god because how can you be a messiah when you took the soul out of somebody's body i did shoot a camel because i hit him the day before but i was gonna turn that into like i hit a soldier and he died in my arms and and I went back to America to tell his wife, and we fell in love. Isn't that a great movie line? I don't know.

Why did you kill the camel? He was still in misery. We backed over him. He was trying to get food out of our lots because we had goat's milk. You could drink it in, like, 120-degree temperature. Not me. I stuck to sand. sure not me i stuck to sand was there anything that you ate over there that was new like a new weird food or something yeah i everywhere i've been in stages of life i've entertained

entertain people by eating whatever i can to make them laugh no money no internet internet no fame but um i did mres without dipping the stuff in water because it's all, like, dehydrated. So you'd pop, like, a square of peaches, and it would just blow up in your mouth. You know what I mean? So your income is YouTube money, right? That's where your cash comes from? YouTube. Oh, look at Woody.

He's repeating a question, Taylor and FSFPS. I got you. I got YouTube. We sell t-shirts and hats. I got an annuity for a broken bag for the rest of my life. I do strip a gram

sometime. Hey, baby. Oh, you didn't ask for the young college guy? You asked for Jack Nicholson then. Show me your titties. I like it. A stripper that asked the bride to join in. My new apartment's pretty cool though. It's a condo turned in from an old

farmhouse. If I had to jump out my window over here because of a fire, I land right into the yard of a pit bull and a rottweiler that sounds bad yeah this is only temporary bro i'm going to california out of there and denver's dead man i just gotta go west and i'll land that job i'll take flo's job from progressive i'll be the next all-state you're in good hands with all-state and i was also in an old movie like the 18 so have you ever seen i'm in an interview here you know have you ever seen

anything that that you thought you know that that wouldn't be for me i wouldn't eat that i wouldn't drink that is there any do you ever do is there anything out there that you feel that way about two minutes uh-huh. All right, then. Not even, not even. So he's fucking crazy, right? Like, we all agree that, like, there's something wrong with him, that it's a little cruel to continue this because he's so fucking crazy. I'm bouncing back and forth between, like, earlier I was like,

okay, he totally is into his own shtick. This is an act. And then the more I've listened, the more I'm like, no, this guy might just be a crazy person. I heard that. Listen, I'm a character on YouTube. Seriously, I always just

love to act, and it's just a character with a stomach of a billy goat and a penis of a mule. That's why I asked about the money thing twice, because I don't mean to hurt your feelings with this, but you strike me as a crazy homeless person. I wish I didn't eat my facial

tissues. All this glue on my eyes, you maniac. This was a troll. I feel like you're a crazy homeless person who for some reason has YouTube money and therefore is just a crazy person with the home. Some of the things you say sound to me like the things that who for some reason has YouTube money and therefore is just a crazy person with a home. Right?

Like, some of the things you say sound to me like the things that, like, a guy I'd walk by on Skid Row might say. Like, it's really out there. And that's why some of the most smartest people are geniuses and they're homeless. They just can't deal with the masses of idiotism. But they usually don't say things like most smartest.

Or idiotism. Harley's going to laugh at that one. See, that's the troubling thing is you're way too... I didn't know Harley was here. He's not. Oh, my God. I don't care what happened on YouTube. Bastard. thing is is your way to Harley was here he's not your whole existence perplexes me like you you are you're a little crazy do you know that you're a little crazy is that a real dude now that's a dummy that he shoots Oh shoots oh dude

that dudes gotta join my compound when I know the world's going to end because I just have it all in my head. It'll be 10 years, but it's going to happen. So circling back to the little bit crazy thing, you know, other people don't say that or think that. A lot of people have said that to me ever since I was a young kid.

The biggest argument against... It's not like I'm crazy as I want to kill people. I was a young kid. The biggest argument against the... It's not like I'm crazy as I want to kill people. I don't scam people. I don't rape kids. It's just like but let them all say that because when people see that on the YouTube streams, they're like, what? He's a scam

and rapist. I got to go see his channel. And then I got him in the trap. So when we turn the cameras off, do you settle down and stay on one topic and operate in a straight line more so than you are right now? Because you're bouncing from thing to thing. My mind changes like that, bro. I don't even know what's going on right now, dude.

I mean, it just changes all the time, man. I can't live in the same spot for a while, can't stay with the same woman, and I can't blame it on the war because it happened before the war. I had a helicopter land on my head. I fell through a skylight 30 feet and landed on my head, and I don't know, I still feel the same. Chiz, our manager that you spoke to, he was in the camp that you were just fully crazy. And my kind of argument to him was like, actual really crazy people aren't intentionally funny with prepared quips and stuff.

And that was my thing. Other than that, though, you are really giving a Daniel Day-Lewis level performance for the past six years of being a crazy person on the internet because that's like it's so believable that like i we're all really in tune with the internet on this show to the point that we'll be like that's a troll that's not a troll that's fake that's real watching your channel it's like oh okay he's it's just a joke it's just a joke And then you'll upload 400 videos of 30 seconds with nonsensical titles and just bizarre assumptions in the content.

And it's like, okay, well, where are we at now? Like, if that's your goal, you're puzzling people exactly the way you want to. I don't even know where they get this from. What the fuck? No, it was perfect. He responded to me saying he was a little bit sane by saying, you know, whatever, and then he drank some glue.

It's like a Chris Farley kind of Jim Carrey, like Will Ferrell. It doesn't matter if you're at a high school prom or whatever. You're the one dipping your head in that punch bowl. You're the one taking everybody's emotions and just ripping them out of their souls and snapping them back when I say, just kidding. I don't know what it is. Do I even have to wear these? I don't know how you're hearing me.

Watch this trip. You can see him in here.'re hearing me. Watch this trip. You can see me here. Let's see. He's eating. Hold on. In his mouth. So for people listening audio only, he's taken his iPhone pods and he's swallowing them. They're going to go down his throat, it would seem.

And I'm guessing he'll pull them back up and recover them no it's going just as planned there's there's there appears to be i can't do that with glue in his room you gotta have a clear path uh what was it you were trying to do swallow it no it? No, I can put an earbud right down here, and I'll show it to you through my esophagus. You got to get up close. You can see it, and then I pull it back out. And if it just breaks off the end, it just goes down like a tampon losing its string.

Oh, sure. We all know that. Aside from pot, what drugs are you on lately? Just weed, bro. I quit the pills. No opiates, no alcohol. It's just marijuana. Are you feeling a lot better?

Like healthier? Oh, without a doubt. Like I said, I work out. I did my first chin-up in the fucking group went crazy. But these guys are professional fighters, and I can't announce where I'm at in a gym because haters will just order pizzas to their place and just destroy their delivery service. I mean, there's some evil dudes out there. You know what I mean?

I do. They've destroyed people's lives. They've gotten, like, the guy that made a website for me, they called his work, and literally they said, we're sorry, you're a great employee, but we we can't have this and we can't change our number and they've gotten people fired over YouTube that's ridiculous let's watch this video so this is a like

two minute clip from Fear Factor I love Fear Factor I'm a big fan of Joe Rogan and all the things he does so it's fun to go back and get a little nostalgic view of Fear Factor back in the things he does. So it's fun to go back and get a little nostalgic view of Fear Factor back in the day because if you don't remember toward the later seasons, it got

really fucking gross and nasty. This video is called Donkey Juice. You could have absolutely won every single Fear Factor if you had gone out. Especially in the competitive scene I just go 10 times over. I mean, I'm like, really?

That was like a show I watched and always wanted to be on, but it kind of came out when I was, you know, doing things in life where I wasn't really looking at that. There wasn't no YouTube around or whatever, but new fear. I'm going to be on the next America's Got Talent in the trial stage. I was supposed to be on this year, but another guy beat me out in the eating category, and they banged him out. And the dude came back because an intern brought it to a person, and now he went from one show where I was on to AGT. And he goes, dude, do stand-up comedy. I guarantee you, you'll go past the whole meeting everybody in the audience, and you'll be itinerary right to semifinals before they go in front of the judges. So many rounds, but I'm going to put together a good Santa comedy routine, rip on the judges the first time, and at least get to the semifinals.

Cut me there. I got 100,000 YouTube subscribers from it, but we don't care about subscribers. It's about TV and internet spots that are in syndication forever, guys. I know I sound like a loony tune, but just stick with me and everything will be fine, Woody, and I don't know if you got all the questions you wanted out today, but I gotta just say goodbye and I'll come back some other day

time to go? yeah it's a sad goodbye thank you so much it's not goodbye, it's farewell yeah I want to come back because if Harley gets all these chances so do I

I'm nervous today and I know I can come back and talk like a human being. Scout's honor. Yes. Well, you want to tell everybody where they can find you everywhere online? Yeah, I'm Shoenice on YouTube. Shoenice, like a nice shoe backwards.

Hey, Woody, are you all right, bro? Is this always your personality when you're talking to people not always no i i feel like you're really perplexing me man like i don't i i i don't know sparky come here see this is an example your attention span doesn't last long enough to put like plates and forks and knives on a dinner table all my ex-girlfriends i'm like i'm sorry i can't sit in a movie for more than 10 minutes i'm going to the bar next door i haven't seen you on one topic for more than 30 seconds it's amazing to me how does a human exist with like a goldfish attention span i know it's kind of crazy man kind of that's that's what I mean, bro. Stick with me and you'll see the whole master plan

when it comes to an end, bro. I appreciate your time and I'm going to leave you here. Thank you for having me on and thank you for the glue. Sure. Thank you for the glue at the end. That's interesting.

Okay, that was the most that's the quietest I've been for the first like how long have we been doing the show i have it was hard to get anything in there was there was no reason to try and break in because that was just interesting stuff in the same way that like looking through a book of ripley's believe it or not is interesting like you're like oh man i would never want fucking toes like that guy, but that's pretty neat. Like, listen to the way he thinks. And see, I said this while you were gone, Kyle, I think, is that he couldn't be fully crazy

because he has too many prepared jokes and is intentionally funny too often. Yeah, yeah, for sure. That if he were actually, actually like chis thinks he's actually like for real crazy i think that chis will change his mind after watching this yeah i think so too uh he is bizarre and funny though um that that was interesting um he told more bad jokes than good ones which i also liked i like that i'm gonna be that that's the kind of like interview which first of all i fucking love how he framed it as us all just wanting to interview him.

Next question. Next question. Next question. Keep it going. But oh, man, he's I'm going to be like four years from now. I'm just going to start thinking about that and be like, God, what the fuck was up with that? Like this is this is a life. I don't know. Maybe I'm naive. I think there was not much show there at all. I think that's the guy. I bet right now he's not much different than he was a minute ago. And I don't know how he even gets through his day.

Like, how do you drive someplace 10 minutes away when you change topics every 15 seconds? Well, he's clearly a peculiar guy. I would say he's definitely going to struggle in day-to-day life with just his sort of manic nature that I don't think is an act. Some of that was an act and some of it wasn't. He's an odd guy who puts on an act. That's what we got here.

So, just keep that in mind. Let me do Right, ads. Let me do an ad read and then let's watch these girls drink donkey cum oh god is that what it is i don't want to watch what it is oh come on she drinks 32 ounces of donkey cum and i'll watch it and i think it's like her twin sister i think her twin sister drinks like 20 ounces of donkey piss and they're in these big beer mugs. And Joe Rogan is like, come on, you can do it. But really he's like, oh my god.

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you'll become a paying customer. Yeah, I'm sure they would notice if a huge percentage of you guys went there and did that there's no reason not to because they really are tasty snacks like i miss having them they only sent sometimes sponsors will send us like a constant flow of their product it seems like so i've always got razors and and cookies or whatever but i just got the one little shipment of nature box and i i eat that up in like a week or two and i'm missing it i want more nature box i I guess I'm going to have to pay for it. I guess it only makes sense. I should sign up because I didn't get anything free.

It's really tasty. They give the hosts this hidden special website to tell them what you like. I did that, but they didn't mail me anything. I should get my subscriber two free things and see what's up. I really like their stuff. They make jerky too. I don't know if you like jerky. Yeah. Yeah. I really like their stuff.

Um, they make jerky too. I don't know if you like jerky. I don't, but I bet it's good jerky. I bet it tear my fake front teeth off. The, I chipped my teeth a tiny little bit.

Oh yeah. I remember that. Yeah. Let's uh, let's watch this donkey juice video. Cause come on. It's only like a minute long. All right.

I'm ready to go on the donkey come video yep well three two hold on one second i'm sorry about that three two one play so i started at zero we all did right? Yep. Oh my god I haven't seen this show in so long. He's got... A big like Kool-Aid picture like from the Kool-Aid commercial full of cum and piss. These chicks are really hot, by the way.

Are they twins? I don't know. I think they might... Yeah, if they're not twins, they could be. Like, they're both hot, like, fit, like, long brown hair, like, really fit, like, midriff showing and, like, trim shorts. Yeah, yeah, they're dressed identically.

They're both hot. And they both did a terrible job They're right into it drinking the piss of cum And she's killing that cum Oh it's so thick She's got like oh she drank all the cum And the cum's all over her like sports bra. The cum's on her mouth. Can I puke now? Yes, you can puke now. I'm done.

Nope, nope, nope. The guy should drink it now! The guy should drink it now! Let's see these twins. Oh, oh. Man, who? I'd be really upset if I was the cum guy and my twin got pee. Really? I totally prefer the cum.

The cum is going to be thick and viscous, and you have to gulp it down like 100% food. See, I guess it's to me like, well, cum is meant to be swallowed, and pee is not even a food. No, no. Pea is a food. No. No. Pee is a food, and they both came from Chunky's. Don't cum. Say it again?

I said donkey cum is not meant to be swallowed. It's just donkey cum. That's the only variable in there. Otherwise, it's supposed to be swallowed. Did you see at the end right there where Joe was like, oh, you have to finish this last little bit and there was like maybe maybe like a an eighth of a load of donkey cum in the bottom and she just had to go and she'd already like been over the bucket like and she just goes look picks it up and you can see in her eyes you can see the second

where she's like i just drank this whole amount of cum, and now I've got to polish it off. And so she just goes, just kind of like half-vomits as she pours the remaining ejaculate down her throat. That's horrific, and that is not worth... Thinking back, $50,000 is the prize? What sort of grievous financial trouble are these people in when they need $50,000? Unless a gangster is going to break your kneecaps when you get back from your fear factor trip

like i feel like you get there and they're like all right you're gonna guzzle donkey com like oh really last episode they ate some earthworms so i'm fucking out see ya after you divide that in two and pay your taxes they're each taking home about 20 grand because they're a team right do they get 50 grand each or yeah they could get a brand new lightly used honda sip actually no no i think so i'm not positive about this but it was always 50 grand i think so i think on that that's like a special edition that they did in the later years where that was either siblings or twins or something like that so i think they changed the prize money when they do that so it's like a hundred thousand dollar episode or something because it's like groups rogan was amazing at that only he could

have done that show the way he did like he would be a psychologist and the way that he would talk people into doing it and he it wasn't like do it do it you're a pussy right every middle schooler can do that it was like you know they would have to admit that they're a quitter and you know like they would have there was a certain defeat and shame that came with not drinking donkey cum or whatever it was they were going to do like yeah and when they ate the cave spiders i'd like to see that they're alive they're alive let's see if there's a small clip of that one that sounds more palatable i just watch you know it's a bad thing they let's see if there's a small clip of that one that sounds more palatable i just watch you know it's a bad thing they were eating and drinking if eating a live spider is

more palatable it's it's not the the stunts are cool but it was really joe talking them into the stunts or making leery people ready to do it that was the neatest part of the show to me well basically like he had that same tonality that like you remember playing second grade soccer and it didn't matter who won and all the parents knew that but the coach who was usually just the dad who was the most into it is they're like yeah you got it like keep going come on you got it like run ahead and it was like even as a kid like you know it didn't matter but it was like well i don't want to let anybody down like i want to try my best like make the coach proud of course not me i hated soccer i was terrible but that's what rogan does he kind of makes he takes it away

from like oh come on you can't handle it into like you can do it only a little bit more cum left that can't be more than six ounces of cum now it's way no more than four ounces you got it you got it you're a cum drinker like that all right so what's really cool about this clip it's one minute long look at joe's so joe it's it's exactly what you guys are talking about he's pumping the girl up convincing her to eat the spider look at his face though when she actually does eat the fucking spider all right ready set play i hope it's what i see where joe gets her to convince. We'll see what we get here. They're hideous. Oh those are atrocious. Oh they didn't show their appendages. He's not telling you to think about it. look at that black guy jesus christ oh when they're scared of something and and he psychs him up for it that's to me the

genius in the show the worst part of Factor was when they would take a break from the spiders and donkey juice and be like, this challenge, you have to do this super scary trampoline onto a zipline. That was always shitty. I hated that part about the show. The only entertaining, compelling part was the

eating and drinking of horrible fluids and bugs. Or they had to lay in bugs. Sometimes they'd put that, like, saw. If you ever saw, like, Saw II, where they have those boxes with, like, razor wire in it. This was that same kind of box with no razor wire, but it was just a cube over your head that you could see through and everybody could watch.

You had goggles on. And then they'd just come over and summarily dump, like, 10,000 centipedes on your head. And then it was just a close-up cam of you going for like 15 minutes as there as joe was standing next to you going come on don't give up you got it it's crawling on your face not gonna hurt you it's all right that's what it was you didn't like it look that reality show that we did in my backyard that Sam won the prize money for that

was the same fucking thing like fuck all that shit man I'm not drinking donkey cum I'm not doing that stuff it's outrageous it was not you're right it wasn't nearly enough money for the awful like scarring things that they would sometimes do there's a whole montage of like fear factor quitters and he'll he'll really make fun of them sometimes because sometimes it's just a really

pretty girl who like got through the process however um there's one of them it's like it's twins again and they've got huge boobs and they have to swim through this like tunnel of water and it's really claustrophobic and she's just like she like touches the water and she's like no no he's like you're just quitting you're just quitting she's just like she like touches the water and she's like no no he's like you're just quitting you're just quitting she's just quitting everyone look at her she's quitting he's like but you're the worst contestant i've ever seen she won't even try it and she didn't she was like no fuck off you see where the other ones those uh like i have more respect for her for going okay no no i'm not doing that oh you're not gonna do it no i already told you i'm not going to i'm

an adult i don't need a new ford fusion that fucking bad screw you i'm not doing this whereas other people are like i'm not drinking this this horse cum he's like oh you're not gonna drink it look at this steve doesn't want to drink a little bit of cum. A little bit of cum is going to turn Steve off this $50,000 prize. He's like, well, I guess if he's pretty like that. The way that he would convince some people was almost reminiscent to date rape. He would Cosby people into it. Like, oh, you can't give up now, baby. Like, oh, you know, you've got to win that money.

You're going to go home a loser? What are your friends and family going to think when you go home a loser and they say, oh, Samantha, you couldn't drink just half a quart of orangutan shit? You couldn't just drink half a quart of it? You know

little Johnny's in the hospital. He needs help with his medical bills. You couldn't muscle down a little bit of primate poop? Did you see it when he broke up a fight? A contestant attacked him? Joe Rogan did? No, I didn't. Yeah, that sounds familiar, but I don't remember the circumstances. A girl punched a guy, and Rogan treated it like a contestant punched another one.

In my head, it was like, I had a girl punch a guy, but it was a girl. And he's like, no, no. You can't do that. You can't just go hit him. He's mocking. She's like, he was being a dick. And he was. The contestant goaded her and got under her skin.

And he's like, you can't just go hitting people. That is not okay. And then, if I remember right, her boyfriend got aggressive with Joe and pushed him or something. And Joe immediately, if I remember right, landed a guillotine on him or something. He's like, you can't hit people either. Yeah. Only I can hit people. Yeah.

Yeah, it was great. I'm sure it would be hard to find. But, yeah, to watch Joe, yeah, let's look for it. Let's look for it. Yeah, to watch Joe, yeah, let's look for it. Let's look for it. Watching these little clips, I didn't realize how long ago it was that this show was on.

Because I used to watch it all the time. And now even Joe Rogan looks so much younger. They got those big late 90s, early 2000s polo shirts on. Let's see this. First one I found is really low quality. You linked one, Kyle. It's standard def. Standard def? I think we can deal with

a little 480p. Alright, let's try it. I'm queued up at zero. You guys ready? Set. play. Yeah, I'm pretty sure this is it. Oh! I don't know, she hit him hard, dude. That's a little guy she hit. But you're an asshole! That's one thing. You don't run up and hit other contestants. No, hey, hey, hey. No, hey, hey, hey.

After yelling at his wife the entire time, he's sticking up for her. He got in Joe's face. And then he got too close to Joe. Please, please. He got too close to Joe. He got too close to Mr. Boatman. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

It was a Muay Thai clinch. He didn't get to you. Wait a minute! Wait a minute! It was a Muay Thai clinch. He didn't get to you. Wait a minute now. I think they didn't show what happened. What happened was he got close to Joe and Joe attacked him. Yeah, they kind of like, they skipped it. There was a little jump cut in there. And suddenly Joe's got him by the plum on the back of his head in a Muay Thai clinch.

Like, yeah, I don't know. It seemed like maybe the guy was just up front. Yeah, he got too close to Joe. Doesn't mean he hit Joe. It doesn't mean that he like... No, he provoked Joe. Joe after him. Yeah, yeah.

Joe grabbed the plum on the back of his head pulled it down and I couldn't see that Joe kneed him in the face or anything. But they did not know anything. Should have gotten him in one of those MMA feet wrapped around him holds from the back. Where he's like, you're going to drink this cum and that 50 grand is off the table, you whore. Muscles it down his throat. Just, oh, oh. You don't hit people on my show.

It would be funny. I was on fucking News weekly or whatever the hell his show was news uh news radio yeah not a great show not a great i enjoyed that show back i liked a lot every one of the actors on there it had a career like they were all kind of like medium to kind of medium high level like actors in their own regard they all did a thing yeah andy dick was on it right yeah yeah phil hartman is that his name yep phil hartman he was killed by his wife level actors in their own regard. They all did a thing. Andy Dick was on it, right? Phil Hartman, is that his name? He was killed by his wife in the late 90s, right?

Yeah, very sad. He was involved in The Simpsons as well, I think. He was. You may know him as Phil Hartman. Hi. Dude. Was the first hour of this show really good or really bad I don't know

we've talked about having a whack pack for years I don't think he's whack pack material because to be a whack packer so this is a discussion they have on the Stern show all the time about who is in the whack pack they stop and like classify it and like well this guy but not that guy so for one thing they can't have a job or a regular source of income

that they can keep up with like if they're able to like follow a schedule and show up and work for a boss they can't be in the whack pack it's it's usually good if they're not really i know he kind of fits that profile it's usually good if they're not really even aware of where they are in the world like they're just kind of in their own little world. Two for two. So far, we're back in a thousand. It's also good if they're some sort of a freak. You know, they've got some sort of weird thing about them.

Like, they fart continuously, or they queef, or they, like, be vomited on, or they eat glue. So, there's that. But then there's the other thing. There's the attention-seeking bit of him. Yeah, I think he would classify for maybe the Stern whack pack. Like, he's not much different than, like, a high-pitched Eric, I guess. I guess so. I don't know.

I think he's putting on an act, though. Because I think high-pitched Eric on the Stern show is putting on an act. I don't think he's, like, retarded. I mean, he's definitely off. He's peculiar. think there's any i don't think he's like retarded or i mean he's definitely off he's peculiar but he's not as crazy as he's putting himself out there as he asked me if i'm always like this and in my head i'm like motherfucker that's the question i ask you like i is he always like this he he was whack packing on some of the most smartest people would agree with him.

Well, that's irrefutable. And they wouldn't take kindly to any of your idiocisms. None. Not one of those idiocisms. That was fun. I'm glad we had him on. I've been wanting to talk to that guy in some way for years. I was with Harley in L.A. maybe, I don't know how much longer,

after he'd had that phone call with Shoenice. And it's interesting to hear both of their versions of that phone call. for years uh like i was with i was with harley in la like maybe i don't know how much longer after he'd had that phone call with shoe nice and it's interesting to hear both of their versions of that phone call um but i just i remember like harley's genuine opinion of that guy is that he's too crazy to work with um because that's what he like told me in a back alley in los angeles while i was trying to vomit up the drinks that i had consumed for his stupid fucking show. He was like, yeah, yeah, he's really crazy. Don't deal with him. But that was fun. Are the Charlotte riots getting national news on the level

that the Ferguson riots did or like the Milwaukee? Like to me, no, not at all. No, it's because you guys are all anti-gay. We don't care. We're like, you know what? They had it coming. I'm anti-gay. Yeah, because it's dominating like the, you know, I'm in R coming. I'm anti-gay. Yeah, because it's dominating. I'm in Raleigh, so I'm like the next biggest city in North Carolina.

And to us, it's like a really big news story. I'm hearing about it constantly. Do you want to see these guys beat someone up? Let's watch this video. Yeah, I've watched all these, but I'll watch them again. Is this the one where they pull the guy's pants off and drag him around a parking garage that's a real gay beat down let's watch it i'm queued up at zero i linked it black

guys grab this white guy and now you gotta be 18 are you ready no almost i gotta sign in gotcha i am ready it was frustrating to me yeah It's been a real shitty time in Charlotte the past couple days. It has. You guys ready? Ready, set, play. Oh no! So they're dragging this guy through an underground parking lot or parking tower or something.

I got his pants. They're stomping him down. He's shirtless. They're pulling his pants off too. They're kicking him in the head while he's down. Oh, he's naked now. He's on his hands and knees, mostly naked. I can't tell if he has underwear on.

I think he was naked. They stripped him naked and left him in the garage. I'm not sure he was. I think he was naked. They stripped him naked and left him in the garage. I'm sure he was. It's frustrating to me. From what I can tell,

a black police officer shot a black guy who wasn't complying when they asked him to put his gun down with a black police chief, and now they're just kicking the shit out of random white people in parking lots. It's because they're racist and they hate white people, and they're using this as an example to exert some of their hatred and violence. Yeah. I mean, that's all that it is. Like, if these people knew the actual story, or even if they didn't, it wouldn't inspire, like, you know what?

Yeah, fuck all white people fuck them look at that guy white in charlotte what a dick let's strip him down and beat the shit out of him and drag him through a fucking parking garage like it really is kyle hit it on the head it's people who are racist and bitter and they see this as a perceived slight on their entire community the fact that it's a black guy shooting a black guy doesn't matter to them because they just it's like just excuse making so the dead guy's family went on facebook and they said he was just he's a father he was just there to pick up his kid he was just reading a book he's sitting in his car reading a book and the police are like yeah there were no books found on the scene which i find very believable yeah and then then they said he didn't have a gun.

And then it turned out, well, he did have a gun. Which pulls into question everything else they've said. Which is like, okay, why should we believe you about any other things you're saying when the simple fact of the matter is you lied on something that you knew was going to come out. He was on the street. Let me jump in. He was on the street walking around. They were trying to serve a going to come out. He was on the street. Let me jump in. He was on the street walking around. They were trying to serve a warrant to somebody else. And then the police asked him about something

or I guess met him. And he went back to his car to get his gun and then didn't comply with police orders. Why did you go to your car to get your gun while the police were trying to talk to you? What's happening there what could possibly be like innocent going on in that situation and uh and then the police ended up shooting them during some of that and that's that i will say this i think they had body cams that weren't on fire them fire those guys immediately like if anytime the body cams aren't working fire those cops get rid of them like i'm done with this bullshit i i hate this

like i on the police side sometimes i hear like they want their privacy or whatever fuck you fuck you every bank employee has cameras on them all day long. Everyone at Cisco. There's little smoke half-dome things in the top. Maybe you have them at your place of employment. Everybody who works a cash register at Wawa has a camera on them 24 by 7. Yet the police somehow feel like they need to be able to operate in secrecy. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.

Cameras all the time. And they're not biased. They just tell the truth. Whatever that truth is, that's what the cameras tell. Police should be excited about having cameras on them. And if they're not, I worry about why. Yeah. Like that, if anything, if you're just a good-hearted police officer, the addition of a body cam on you probably is really relieving so that if something does go down, you can be like, oh, thank God this is here recording it so that they'll see this person coming at me with a knife or whatever.

And then I'm exonerated. I didn't just go after him. And people didn't assume the worst because the angle from my cruiser didn't quite see what was going on or i got an incomplete picture of the situation uh yeah it's just it's really shitty that all those like they're they're riots down there and media is only calling them protests which is ridiculous and it's it's some some people are so fucking stupid they think that any condemnation of these protests or riots is somehow maligning the entire african-american community when that's ridiculous the overwhelming majority of the african-american community i'm sure looks at this and is like oh my god are you fucking kidding me like come on this is like oh thanks for for making you know our community look good in the media for all the actual people out there who lump people in by groups and we'll look at that and say oh look at that just black people being black people like it's just it's bad for everyone like nobody benefits or maybe maybe like some

secret cabal of you know bloomberg people do but probably not i saw a um a video and this guy had it's a woman she was dui cute little thing and And he pulled her in, and she managed to slip a phone into her bra. And then later on, she went into a bathroom and started making a phone call. But the cop had a body cam the whole time. And she's on the phone with her friend saying, I got this covered. I'm going to tell everyone he sexually molested me, that he touched me inappropriately, et cetera. And he hears her, but more importantly, his camera's picking up this audio. It's on YouTube now. And as she comes out and starts

telling the world that he molested her, or I forget what her story was exactly, but there was some sort of sexual impropriety in it. He's just laughing at her, knowing that his whole interaction with her was recorded. If wasn't then what then what you know like do you not take a woman a woman who screams rape seriously i it's i'm just happy it's recorded because yeah she wasn't she heck she should be charged with a crime you know yeah it simplifies things and there's no reason not to have it like with all this shit going on there's it just would make it so much easier. But then at the same time, it's like, they could release a body cam of, you know, a black guy aiming a gun at a cop.

And even if that cop is black and shoots him, it'll still result in a protest somewhere. Because the problem with, like, the paradigm they fit stuff into is every single incidence of what they perceive to be bad or evil isn't just an incident it's not just a bad thing that happened or an unfortunate thing that happened if it was a justified shooting it's still not fortunate still unfortunate and they make those incidences and conflate them to be ah it's not just this incident it's indicative of all of American culture. All of American culture is racist, which enables this. And it's like, that's why I think people don't like the Kaepernick thing is because it's not really actually opening a dialogue.

It's just moving the goalposts of the dialogue to be that any sort of violence by police imposed on black people, just or unjust, is the result of america being racist and i don't think that's true at all the fact that this is a huge dialogue in our country and has been for years shows that you know when a black guy gets shot in the street there are no white people out there going woohoo yay like nobody does that if that was happening then point me to it but i don't fucking see it anywhere because most people see that shit and they go that's abhorrent that really sucks even if they did do something bad you know i still feel bad because they died like it's i don't know maybe i'm just spouting too much at once right now but

it's bullshit the kaepernick thing i'm almost pro kaepernick on it and i might not be if i knew more but it seems like all right here's a guy who's protesting silently and peacefully, right? Isn't that what we want? Like, you might not agree with this protest, but when a guy protests peacefully, I feel like what you do is you listen and hear what he has to say and see if there's a problem here that needs to be solved.

He's not looting. He's not beating up guys for being white it would seem he's he's he's not he's just protesting peacefully and that in my opinion just deserves a listen that yeah of course it's not the fact that it's it's not saying that he's a bad guy for doing that or that is on the same level of protest as what's going on here it's obviously not it's a respectful not maybe not it's intentionally disrespectful to get people's attention but it's quite it's quiet you're not rustling a bunch of people's lives up you're not fucking with people but i think the reason people don't like it is because it's pushing or i guess propagating this false narrative that is these

incidents are due to america being racist you know the police police, it's not 20,000 separate precincts. It's a big cabal of evil people who just hate black people. And when that narrative is pushed, it just furthers this chasm between urban communities and the police, because everybody in those communities is going to be more likely to be like, oh, well, you know, they really are out to get us. They really do hate us. And the cops are going to be more like, well, we got to go this like uh walking on eggshells or maybe some of them out there going well we got to go in you know punch them twice as hard first so that we are we're ready for it

like it just it doesn't actually move forward in solving anything because it pushes the wrong problem let me lay this out there so so they're peacefully protesting in charlotte they were and the police came out and said it's time for you guys to disperse. And with hardly any time between, hey, disperse and action, they're putting tear gas in the crowd. My wife was watching it and she's like, it really seems like the police are escalating it.

They had peaceful protesting. The police go in with the tear gas. I don't know if you want to call that a violent response or not, but you hear where I'm coming from. It's an escalating response. And now the people are swarming and misbehaving. What if, hypothetically, I'm sheriff.

It's like, guys, you're gonna laugh at this. My name's Sheriff Woody. I see you're protesting peacefully. You know what? I brought ice cream sandwiches, and I going to hand them out to the crowd All I ask is that you don't block traffic And you don't break things And this is all going to be okay

How would that do for community relations? How about if instead of handing out tear gas You had ice cream sandwiches They would mob the ice cream sandwich salesman And tear off his pants And rape him And pilfer his ice cream sandwich salesman and tear off his pants and rape him and pilfer his ice cream sandwich cart of all its tasty treats, and they would laugh at Sheriff Woody.

He's not selling them. He's giving them away. I don't fully buy that they went, get out of here, and then started hucking tear gas immediately. It was on a live stream. Maybe they didn't wait enough time. I don't know the details. You could be totally right there. But someone who has

tear gas land at their feet doesn't immediately go you know this cause that I was just peacefully protesting for, trying to get my voice out there, trying to make sure that I'm heard? Fuck that. Fuck my cause. I'm gonna go do, I'm gonna be counterintuitive to what I just said I was going to do by running into that

7-Eleven over there, breaking all the windows and stealing shit or running into the, um, fucking whatever sports teams are in Charlotte. Have you ever been part of a mob? Like I, I feel like, Oh yeah. You know,

justification comes in a really weird thing. I have. And, um, like, I don't know, like you're, you're at one point angry and for a cause,

and then it becomes a free-for-all, and you're just angry at the world, and shit breaks down. That's what the police did. Well, no, it doesn't. It doesn't. You know, they should be sane, and they should be making good decisions. But, justify it or not, it might cause it.

And what if they befriended the black community? What if they took all those protesters and said, you know what? Here's some ice cream sandwiches. Here's my ear. I'm listening. What do you have to say? Maybe an ice cream sandwich gun so they could launch them into the crowd. That might be misinterpreted.

Whatever. Are you sure those are sandwiches, Bob? Oh yeah sandwiches oh yeah shotgun shoot anything um i always want to i don't know i want to see them use some of those future weapons that i'm always that i used to see on the discovery channel like six years ago i i want them to like bring out the big powerful hose that shoots glue. I want them to just glue a whole slew of people together so they're all tacky and crawling on the

ground trying to get away, stuck together. That wouldn't help with traffic, though. Fuck it. They got a special spray to dissolve it later, but let's get a sticky. Hey, next time, let's get a sticky. You'll look out there, there'll be like 30 pairs of George just stuck to the sidewalk and not a soul inside.

See, to say something else about those, how they went from like the peaceful protesters to the people running, like ruining shit. I don't think like a lot of people seem to be implying that all those people holding the signs or whatever that were being peaceful for hours suddenly just dropped them and ran into a store and started destroying shit as an excuse as with most mobs i feel like it was mainly a lot of people trying to be peaceful and then a few people perceived it as being shitty and they quickly got everybody who wasn't really there seriously just the people who are there because they know it's an opportunity that they can loot and steal cause mayhem have fun fun, no accountability. Like, that's the kind of people that that atmosphere would draw. But by no means, I really don't think that the people who are actually really serious about Black Lives Matter, I may disagree with them, but I don't think they're bad people.

I don't think they immediately drop their signs and then go loot. Like, I think it's... I feel like the chaos can lead to destruction. You know, they might go in there with one thing in mind and then it turns into destruction. I've told this story before, but in fast forward, people love this. I was in high school. There was a guy, a classmate. I didn't even know him very well.

He was a year older than me. And he was a senior and he went to this party where there were college kids. And he went there and he tried to pick up a girl right that was his crime and uh the college kids beat him up they hit him in the nose and they broke it so he comes to school the next day and he has this like plastic v-shaped sort of nose guard on with maybe tape across his eyes and two black eyes and everyone was like oh my god what happened you know like how did this happen to you? So like the whole school, hundreds of people go to the house

where the party was to get like vengeance or justice on these guys that beat him up. But they just weren't home. You know, I don't know if they knew they were coming or like whatever. But when everybody got there, they just weren't home.

And this little girl, she had a twin, picked up, like, the for rent sign in front of the house. And she's like, you pussies, let's get the house. And she starts, like, hitting the house or something with the for rent sign. Well, it wasn't long before they smashed down the front door and I rush in the house. I don't know. I didn't really have a plan. But everybody i rush in the house i don't know i didn't really have a plan but everybody was rushing in the house right like everyone was gonna be left behind yeah well the good shit was gone by the time you got there well like i was i wasn't far from the front if i'm

honest like i was maybe the like 18th person out of hundreds to rush into this house and when i get there the first scene i see it's an an old CRT television that sat on the ground. Some guy has a vacuum cleaner, and he's in his backswing like a golfer. He's coming through, and he hits the television. It breaks the television, and I would assume damages the vacuum cleaner as well. And I saw that, and I was like...

Now that he can't even get the glass up. I should not be here. And I turned out and like everyone's scattering, right? Like someone might even yelled like, run. And the police were coming. And I ran for like a block. And then I decided to walk as if nothing had happened. Like that was my strategy. And as I'm walking home,

probably beat red and sweaty and nervous and whatever, uh, the police picked up me and my partners in crime and took us to the police station and started questioning us. And, and it's funny that like, dude, everyone, not me, I swear I didn't do anything, but, uh, aside from walk through the front door, but there were so many people that caused destruction on that house. Tens of thousands of dollars of damage in like a minute. People ripping everything, destroying it. Like piranhas, ruining a home.

Oh, just wrecking this home because they rented it to the wrong people. Like Extreme Home Makeover, but the evil version. Yeah. Hello, Juarez family! Imagine everything's wrecked. Dry walls torn down, carpets destroyed, every appliance ruined, just trashed in a heartbeat.

And they're all like, you know, who did it, who did it, who did it? We're at Juarez now! Hundreds of kids were like, oh, it was Dominique, this like this like 90 pound little girl and the cop is like how can this be how can this be we have 300 witnesses saying it was all the girl with the for rent sign who did it all and uh like she just watched and said stop stop you're right this girl she could hardly crush a grape yet they just they just, they, everyone pointed the finger at her.

And in fairness, she did turn, I guess, hundreds of people were like, oh, they're not there. Eh, oh well, I guess there's nothing to do. And she turned it into a mob, an active, like, destructive mob. An active, destructive mob. Mob mentality is definitely a thing where you just get kind of caught up in the excitement of it. Like at a concert, where if that same group of people were all at Walmart, Superstore, in the granary, grain aisle, whatever.

I've been playing too much Civ with the saying granary. But in the grain aisle, they wouldn't just start moshing, trying to get their favorite bread. It's just the environment that you're in at the time, kind of. Yeah. I can see that happening. I can see

putting tear gas in a crowd. That could be it. Setting them off. You need that heat ray. A heat ray? Yeah, you haven't seen that? They've got this thing. It's mounted onto a big truck and it's shaped like a shield but turned the other way and it shoots a beam of heat at you like a like a beam of infrared heat and it's like uh they say it's like opening a really hot oven

and it being right in your face and it shoots over long distances my hit him with a heat ray my the guy that taught me how to fly a paramotor was a riot policeman in Berlin before he taught people how to fly paramotors. And I asked him about it. I was like, what did you actually do? I know you're a riot cop, but what's your role in this thing? And he's kind of a thin-billed guy. He's fit, but he's not like a power lifter or anything. And he's like, so here's what happens, right?

You've got a row of people up front with like body armor and shields and stuff like that he's like they're on the front line and people are yelling at him maybe even like throwing things at the shield he's like that wasn't me he's like i was the guy behind him and a guy with a shield like look at a crowd and find like a particular troublemaker that one so then they open up and then he and like eight other guys swarm through the hole that they opened up grab someone pull them behind the row of shields and they close ranks and yeah and they that that was his job like they'd all just you know open up grab a person throw them in the paddy wagon open up grab another one and it's long, it's like, oh, man, everyone who screams at these cops is getting tossed in the paddy wagon.

They start behaving. And he told stories with this, like, glee on his face. They had a water cannon. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So the water cannon, Kyle, you talk about these future weapons. This is a today weapon that's pretty awesome. It's a 1960s weapon, unfortunately.

That's why we don't use the water cannon here in North America anymore. Apparently in Germany it's still alive and well. Because they put the water cannon. The way they did it, I like this. In German, of course. But they're like, hey, the water cannon's here. You guys need to disperse. We're going to shoot it in five minutes.

And everyone mills around or whatever. And then they say, hey, three more minutes. We're going to shoot it in five minutes, right? And everyone mills around or whatever, and then they say, hey, three more minutes, we're going to shoot this. At 60 seconds, it begins almost a countdown. So when they start going 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, the people that are there – You're asking for it. Yeah, the people that are there have chosen to get squirted, right? They didn't just fail to disperse.

Squirted is understated. Yeah, yeah, right? So they're like, hey, squirt me. Squirt me with your water cannon and see what we got. They didn't just fail to disperse. It's understated. Yeah, right? So they're like, hey, squirt me. Squirt me with your water cannon and see what we got. And usually once they get wet, people in water are just like, ah, my clothes are wet. And they run. But every once in a while, he was excited about this. A guy, he had no shirt on too.

And he's like built. He's like Arnold Schwarzenegger or something. And he's like, ah, flexingegger or something and he's like flexing like hit me with the cannon and they shoot him with the water cannon and he doesn't go anywhere he's just getting hit like in the sternum hit me hit me he's not moving and the cops are just like oh all right i guess he wants this they turn it up to full blast they hit him with the water cannon he shoots back like 30 feet, sliding like there was a skateboard under him or something,

just like a pressure washer and a piece of dirt. And he flies backwards, and it's like you can't beat the water cannon. There's no human. I don't know if a hippo could stand up to a water cannon. They win. That's the message of the day. You can't beat the water cannon. Yeah, you can't beat the water cannon. You know what? I never thought about why we don't use the water cannon. They win. That's the message of the day. You can't beat the water cannon. Yeah, you can't beat the water cannon.

You know what? I never thought about why we don't use the water cannon. Oh, shit! I've got a video. Because of the past of it, but it does make a lot of sense as far as, like, breaking up a crowd. Like, very little clean up. Oh, is this the guy that dies from it? I hope not.

Let's start from zero. This is Turkish police using a water cannon. Are you ready? Yes. Taylor? I hope not. Let's start from zero. This is Turkish police using a water cannon. Are you ready? Yes. Taylor? I am ready. Three, two, one, play. This guy's like, give me a squirt. Oh yeah, he wants to be squirted. Come on, bring it. You know what?

Fuck your big water truck. Oh, he kicks it. What is he doing? He didn't even scratch it. You know what? Fuck your big water truck. Oh, he kicks the water truck? What is he doing? He didn't even scratch it. Like, yeah, I hit your big fucking water truck, you... Pussy. RUN BLAST! He wanted to be squirted! He wanted to be squirted, but I think he might be dead now.

They're all like, you killed him! You killed him! Okay, to be fair, like, they should... Like, they hit that guy right in the bridge of his nose with that water cannon. And they hit him with, like, a Star Wars laser kind of bolt. Like, they didn't... They just went... And there's the water hit him with like a Star Wars laser kind of bolt. And there's the water hit him so fucking hard.

It flipped him over like one of those wobbly woobs or whatever that kids have where you can't knock it over all the way. And he flipped full, 100%. Oh, you're right. Oh, my God. He didn't flip full. He just landed on his back. In my mind's eye, they hit him in the chest. That's what I saw.

I'm watching it back now at quarter speed. Everyone's seeing it. Yeah, he kicks it. He's going to fix his hat. He's going to take his position in front of other people. Like, don't hit them. Hit me. I dare you.

They're going to see it in a second on the show. He gets hit right in the nose. I dare you. And they're going to see it in a second on the show. He gets hit right in the nose. I think that guy's dead. I think he's knocked out. I honestly think that guy, not just from the water, he hits the pavement that he's standing on so hard. In any case, he's done fighting water trucks for the day. I guarantee it.

Up until that moment though they had been using like the sissy hose that just kind of wets everybody they're kind of misting the crowd like getting the floor here i saw him aiming at the ground and just ricocheting water at people sorry to cut you off but yeah but then i kicked the truck and he was like come on come on fucking hit me they were like princess bride like like he click click click click click not to insanity when they hit him with that hose it knocked him fucking silly that was a big man too like he's 200 pounds at least probably heavy guy getting thrown around like it's it's surprising to watch because you don't ever see water used that way against people, and you don't realize how powerful it is.

Not anymore. Did you see of the Charlotte protests, the reporters that were just getting hammered and the shit beat out of them? Like, in the middle of their streams? There was one, like, CNN guy, which, first of all, like, anybody, CNN, like, you're the news. You should have taken one look at that and been like, okay, we're like a tomorrow morning piece fuck this like no we should not be futzing around here me and my white crew you know with all of this stuff pointing and this guy was just standing there talking and this guy from the back corner i shouldn't laugh it's not funny runs over and one of them he just kicks him right in the side and the guy just goes and just tumbles to

the ground the other one the guy like gets like a body check on him and he falls to the ground like it's it was just mayhem like and it was crazy under undercovered that was all or was that milwaukee or something one of those was milwaukee i think but uh no they might have both been charlotte because i know char know Charlotte's been a pretty bad one. So, let me slip an ad in here, and then maybe we can talk about Stop and Frisk. Okay. Sure. I'll be right back.

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and you won't regret it. That's a guarantee. For me. Hang on a goddamn minute. I don't know if you said that or not. They said you'd like it. Yes. Yes.

Alright. So you want to talk about it? Yes. Oh yeah. Which one did we do? Squarespace. Your favorite. Did we do that? So you want to talk about it? Yes. Oh, yeah. Which one did we do? Squarespace. Ah. Your favorite. I do like them. Yes, you do. So Donald Trump said that he has the solution.

He is, of course, the law and order candidate. He says it's stop and frisk. He wants to bring back stop and frisk. And what do you think about that? It's multifaceted right because on the one hand i don't want to be fucking stopped and or frisked at any time and from that standpoint i'm pretty inflexible and under no circumstances do i want you coming and fucking fucking with me right like like like we always we always talk about about when we've got to buy the marijuana for our dying mother-in-law or whatever

or our dying mom or dad or whatever. That's the day you get stopped and frisked, right? I don't want anybody stopping and frisking me and so therefore I can't have them stopping and frisking anyone else. I do think, however, that stop and frisk could be effective especially if it's coupled with racial profiling.

It's really confusing because stop and frisk is something that did work in New York. Crime did go down from the time they implemented that until they, I guess, stopped doing it. But it's the same thing you said like i guess it's fourth amendment unreasonable search and seizure where that doesn't seem very fair so just because you're walking around and some crime happened to block away and the police are like well we better just you know there's about 15 guys walking around uh that guy looks scary that guy looks scary oh that's a little asian girl no not for her like it is a violation i think so even though it might reduce crime i just don't like the idea of

cops being able to just say yeah crime happened nearby we have to frisk you oh really what crime i'm gonna tell you that i don't have to tell you too many other violations like like once they have that power to to do that they'll be able to manipulate that law and all of a sudden they're like they're knocking on your door and like oh well i see you in there sir let me just come on in and come here a minute let me see what you got in your pockets i know you're just sitting in your living room but let's see what you got here oh you just lost your house like like yeah i also feel their powers every step of the way so i feel like you can't give them that stop and frisk thing yeah it's too much power for the police to have and they don't it just seems like you can't trust them the fact that you just come over and say like all right

i'm gonna frisk you and they don't have to say like okay well there's been a robbery there and we're concerned about this and that's the reason we're stopping you here i feel like it could easily be construed to be like, oh, look at that guy. Looks sketchy. Hey, I'm going to stop and frisk you. Hey, Bill, wasn't there crime here yesterday? There was a crime around here, probably. Like, I don't have to tell you shit.

I don't have to tell you shit. What have you been up to tonight, huh? Tell me what you've been up to tonight. You know, just so, well, I don't know. Why do I have to answer that, officer? Well, because, you know, crime is about. What crime was committed officer oh that's police business you leave that to the police ma'am now you tell us on racial profiling

i remember there was a presidential debate like 8 or 12 probably 12 or 16 years ago was old and uh i don't remember who the black candidate was, but just picture like three white guys and a black guy on stage. And they said, how do you feel about racial profiling? And one by one, the white guy was like, no way, terrible thing, can't do it. No way, terrible thing, can't do it. And then they get to the black guy and he says, I support racial profiling. It's absolutely insane to ask the police to throw away any kind of intelligence gathering that they do on bad guys right so i'm thinking to myself like all right all right you know that race

on its own clearly not okay right we're stopping you because you're black. That's not it. But, like, if there was an L.A. Kings tattoo on the tricep of, like, the last three murder suspects that came in, and I see another guy with an L.A. Kings tattoo on his tricep, don't I get to say, like, you know what? I bet he was with those other three. You know, I bet this is not just a hockey team but also a gang. Yeah. The L.A. Kings are doing more than cutting it up on the ice. I bet this is not just a hockey team but also a gang. They're like kings. They're doing more than cutting it up on the ice. Yeah, they're getting like 38 shots a night.

It's terrible. All that drug smuggling. No wonder they suck so bad at hockey. So it's like, okay, so if it's tattoos, well, that's intelligence that we can action on, right? My friend, this guy I know that was a cop that I don't respect, he was telling me that this is a long time ago. When the drug dealers in that town, Ocean City, New Jersey, were open for business, they would roll up a pant leg above the calf. Seems weird, right? But that was the thing.

If my pant leg is rolled up above my calf, that means I'm actively currently selling. CIA would send messages through how their shoelaces were tied. So that's interesting. Anyway, it's like, all right, so that's like an active, interesting piece of intelligence that the police have gathered. And now, not just the potential customers know, but the police know. You see a guy with his pant leg up, you know, if Stop and Frisk were there, they would absolutely take advantage of that. So when it comes to racial profiling, if it's like, alright, you know what it turns out that a group of people that do this particular crime often wear like

adidas track pants and wife beater t-shirts and they're black then do you just have to like completely ignore that piece of intelligence that's been gathered when it's a piece of a larger puzzle do you have to say no no no we're colorblind completely to to the fact that you know mafia guys tend to be italian and that uh this other group tends to be jewish and this other group tends to be black yeah it's complicated because ethically go ahead well of course racial profiling works that's why i said at the beginning that that top and frisk only works when coupled with racial profiling so yeah it'll absolutely work but you're going to ruffle some feathers along the way. Yeah, it will reduce crime.

Like, I think that's been shown. There's probably someone out there who'll be like, oh, well, there's actually a lot of fucking reasons that happened. I'm not educated enough to know. From what I can tell from a little bit of Googling, it did result in a drop in crime. But I don't think we should give up any any uh any more liberties for some supposed extra safety because we're plenty safe stop letting people scare you into giving away your freedom so just don't search me don't frisk me like if you see the gun hanging out of my pants or like blood dripping off my hand like all right let's talk but like i'm just walking down the sidewalk let me walk down the fucking sidewalk yeah if a little

more crime has to happen to make sure that police precincts across the country aren't able to just very quickly turn this stop and frisk into stop you whenever i want on a whim like it's because you're right it would totally get out of control if it was implemented everywhere like i guess trump wants to do i didn't know he wanted to implement it everywhere, and I don't care for that. Who knows if he does? Trump says things. He'll take different positions tomorrow. Yeah, he tends to not say anything. Yeah.

He tends to say— I've never once been offended of stop and frisk. You can go back all the way until yesterday at 2.48 p.m., and I've been a staunch defender of not—oh, God. How bizarre was it when he broke out the Trump mask? What? When Shunise put the Donald Trump mask on. Oh, yeah. That was a very bad Trump mask.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm still not over that. There was a point during that where I just cracked completely up and just had tears. That was pretty funny, I thought. I don't know. Like, you asked earlier. I guess I'm kind of switching around here.

But you asked earlier, was that first hour good or not? I don't know if it's good. I don't know like like you asked earlier i i guess i'm kind of switching around here but you asked earlier was that first hour good or not i don't know if it's good i don't know what it is to the fans to the to the listeners viewers or whatever but to me that was one of the most fun hours of pk we've ever done like for me i really enjoyed every bit of that listening to all of his madness and that was fun for me so so maybe that translated to a fun uh show for the viewers it's probably like the hour and a half ish segment that i've talked the least in my time on pka and i was very entertained because anytime like i wanted to say something it was like no why why cut into this guy's time like let's see what what's fucking happening here like yeah you just try to slow him down every now and then because he'll start start in Iraq, and he'll end up getting

to yesterday. And you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, we got to yesterday. Let's go back to Iraq. Just over being in an insane asylum like that was going out for coffee. And we didn't even ask more about why he was in some sort of special unit in the army for people who wanted to quit or something like that. He was in some sort of unit in the army for people who wanted to quit or something like that. He was in some sort of like unit in the army of people that nobody wanted because they didn't want to do their duty or something and he was a cook and ah man.

There's so much more. There's just so much more there. That's part of what makes me think that he's not totally crazy and he's actually pretty clever. He uses the whole I have a short attention span, this, that, and the other thing to, if there is a question that he doesn't want to answer, will give you a cursory little no goof around response.

And then before you know it, it's like, ah, we asked about an insane asylum, and he's talking about giving corn to kids in Ghana and giving them their own YouTube channel? What? What are we talking about? I really liked the part where he said that...

Where he was going to be a UFC fighter? No, no, no. It was when you asked him about what he said in Vice about his wife kicking him out because of the fame. And he was like, oh yeah, I lied to them. She kicked me out because of my pill addiction. I was like, oh, that's great.

That's perfect. It was so just stone cold honest just so honest and so quick ah no that was bullshit i got kicked because of my pill addiction well looks like you beat it you know i i really hope he's doing well though because it's clear that he really has a light-hearted kind of up look at his what he's i don't remember maybe he just said alcoholism i don't know if he had like a funny pun for it but it seems if he really is struggling with that i hope that he continues to do well because that would really suck on the show i see see like originally my idea was like we're you know trying to figure out how to use shoe knives what to do with them with the limited time we had with a minute it's etc and i was thinking like why don't we have him

start out by just drinking that bottle of booze like like kill an entire bottle of vodka or something and then we go from there and you know he's just getting drunker and drunker it was a good idea because i was afraid he would be too sane and normal on the show it turns out that wasn't an issue saint Saint me and manic. Yeah, I was like, we need to get a bottle of vodka in there so that we have a crazy person on the show. No, he comes that way stock. There's no modification needed. He was getting high the whole time.

I mean, it's not like he came to us sober. Pot didn't do that to him. Oh, that was tobacco, by the way. That'd be some really strong pot. If he leaned over to call Sparky, that was tobacco, by the way. That'd be some really strong pot. Yeah. If he was... Oh, but when he leaned over to call Sparky, that was fucking hilarious. Though. And Woody was like, is he giving his dog

marijuana... Is he giving his dog tobacco? I don't think so. No, he's calling his lighter Sparky and smoking. Right, his lighter Sparky i didn't even pick up on that i think it's good um i um i like his hate for for harley which seems completely unfounded he was like oh let me explain to you why harley's a bastard and he's like i talked to him on the phone once cocksucker and it's like yeah wait what

happened you talked on the phone and now he's a cocksucker what happened in the middle oh said something about me and my woman haha i was like no i don't think he did at all i think you're this crazy person you're a crazy person little aren't you the little man i don't go ahead i feel like i don't want to hurt his feelings like I don't want to hurt his feelings. I don't want to call him a crazy person. He might be... You called him homeless to his face. What are you talking about? I said he was like a homeless person.

He's like a poor homeless person yourself. A crazy homeless person yourself. So how can you really help anybody? And I was like, that cuts a little deep. If you looked at the way he responded to that, he was clearly like when we had the little conversation about how crazy he was you could tell he was really enjoying that he was enjoying talking about that because he was reveling in the fact that he has not only pulled the wool over our eyes but the wool over

the eyes of all of youtube He is quite possibly the best troll on YouTube. He's typing to us right now. He's still in the chat. Nobody removed him. He is typing to us right now. He can't hear us, I don't think. I don't think.

I hope not. He's just sitting there listening to us. Christopher is typing. Sorry I had to split and sorry I tried to fit my whole life in one interview that's what he wrote that's okay it's cool bro

we really enjoyed having him on I don't know why I'm talking like he can hear me right now no worries had a great time hit us up when you want to do a drinking episode. Oh, my gosh. You're a bad person. We were having an idea of if he did, like, I don't know,

if he thought he could drink, like, a 30-pack in four hours, that me, you, and Kyle would have to team up and out-drink him. Team PKA against shoe ice it's beer drinking Like like we get each of us right there Three versus one drinking contest bring it bitch Funny or drinking says the words Smith himself, and then he corrected his spelling of funnier to funnier-er. I don't know. Dude, that's not crazy.

He really enjoyed us talking about how crazy he was because that's like a solidification of the fact that he's like, nobody knows what is up with me. People out there adamantly think I'm crazy. People out there think that this is all an act and he's somewhere in the ether between those two no one can pin him down it's just like i said when he was here i i feel like he's just like a homeless person that i might

cross on the street who says something about the world ending in 10 years and how he belongs in the ufc and i just like throw a dollar and run in the other direction, you know, as a way to like separate and create distance. He's like that, except that he can perform this stunt that gets him YouTube money enough of it that he can buy a condo in Denver. Like if he couldn't eat Elmer's glue, he'd just be on a street corner babbling nonsense, right? He said he was in roofing for 20 years, so he can clearly hold down a job. He said a lot of things. Yeah. Yeah, he did.

Well, good point. Yeah. He said that, like, oh, man, he's good at this. This is hard he's he's doing like some bullshit you know detective psychological thriller thing where he gives us a thousand documents of information and there's three that are semi-real piece the mystery together idiots like that's that's what it is yeah sorry guy i enjoyed his frequent mentions of like how good looking he was and how he slayed pussy in high school. And everyone would dip their napkins in milk and throw it at him and the girls couldn't get enough of that.

I'm like, oh, really? I believe that wholeheartedly. I believe that. Really? I believe that he stood in his cafeteria and let people throw food items at him. Right, right. But do you believe the part about the good lookinglooking class clown slaying all the high school pussies? No, that was clearly hyperbole.

Yeah, he was, like, making fun of himself some there. Which, like, making fun of yourself, like, that shows a level of, you know, I believe he was trying to convince us of that. Straight-up crazy person. You don't think he was trying to convince us that that was true at that moment? No, no, no, no. No, he was playing that up. I was in bed with this fine-ass bitch, and Harley called me on the phone.

And to me, that means I was in bed with a real ugly woman. I was masturbating. Yeah, I was watching porn at the time. I tried to pull off like that moaning woman on the side was a real-life girl. He's definitely not fully crazy. Not even that crazy, I would say. I think Chiz is going to do a complete 180 on his

position with Shoe Nice. And I did too. After watching the Vice thing, I was really like man, maybe he is pretty crazy. And then his talking to him tonight showed like, no, he's really just got a lot of people manipulated. No.

Master. He does. He's crazy. He's crazy. I won't say that he never has a thought that's bigger than just stream of conscious, right? Like, obviously most of it is just stream of consciousness, you know, bouncing around here and there, unable to, like, follow a topic for very long. You ask him a question, he forgets the question halfway through. I don't think that was all an act.

But I will admit he's got a couple of, like, coherent, you know, gems that he can pull up when it's appropriate. Still, I thought the stand-up comedy thing was good and well-practiced. And interesting that he, like, prefaced it by, like, all right, so we're in Austin, Texas, right? Real country crowd, lots of cowboy hats. And I'm like, I've been to Austin. It's not like that. It's kind of a hippie town. I don't think you've ever been to Austin.

Austin's the only city in Texas that's not like that. Exactly. That's the thing. I don't think he's ever been to Austin, Texas. But that whole bit he had where he's doing stand-up comedy and he's ragging on invisible people who aren't there, I was so

confused by that. You could tell how confused we all were. If you guys are listening to this now, go back and listen to the Shoe Nice portion again, because there are so many times that he finishes saying something, and I look at Woody's face, and I look at Kyle's face, and I think to myself, and I kind of like look at Woody's face and I look at Kyle's face and I

think to myself and I can see that none of us have any idea what to say or how to even process what it is we've just heard because it's just a an avalanche of misinformation that so you're trying to wade through in the way to an interesting question when the dog barked and he tried to pick up Sparky, was there actually a dog or was he barking? Okay, so there was a dog outside of his house and he made reference to that dog and made a little joke about it that wasn't funny at all. But when he's saying Sparky, he's talking about his lighter. Yeah, I have a little more now. Let me feed Sparky here. What he means is he's going to smoke some pot. There was no dog in the house, though.

He doesn't own a dog. He has no dog. That was quite... He has no dog. I didn't follow that piece like I should have at all. And it was... Yeah, there was a dog, and he's, Ah, it's Sparky, let me get him.

And... You know? I mean, it was a stream of consciousness with that guy. You've got to be pretty fucking sharp and focused on him the whole conversation, or you get lost in the weeds. It was hard to stay on board. Yeah. Because he's a little crazy. I think people are gonna really like it.

I think they're gonna enjoy that part. I hope so. So what else we got? I heard Uber was rolling out self-driving cars this month. I heard that too, but is it actually happening i feel like i've seen an update about self-driving cars showing up for the last year i have no i like that so much better now so so here's one thing i don't like uber because i like the professionalism of a cab driver i like that you know he can either go be completely or he can carry on a conversation, and he'll kind of take cues from me as to which are best. But like an Uber driver, I don't know what I'm getting into or what this person is going to be like or what their reasons for being an Uber driver is.

But it's probably not that they want to be a professional livery driver, which is what a taxi cab driver is. So the idea of a car just showing up empty and I get in and like I can Fart in the back like like all right here. We go got my own car here This is perfect that that's I would like that a lot And it would be even better if you got to drive if the uber shows up And you can get behind the wheel and go where you want I heard a comedian say buy that stock right now There's a massive untapped market for rolling handjob motels.

Oh. Yeah, good point. That's why I stop at handjobs. I hear you. But, like, get yourself a bang bus. Maybe too much movement would throw off the gyro soap or whatever is controlling the lanes, maybe.

Hopefully not. That would be a very well-designed... Please stop. Driverless Ubers are totally going to become like prostitute... I don't know. It's going to be a good place to film a porno. I really like... So one of my favorite subreddits is

Hold the Moan. That's when they're doing like naughty sexual stuff in a public... You don't have to tell me about Hold the Moan. Yeah, but for the listeners out... Hold the Moan is very good. Hold the Moan. Yeah, but for the listeners out I know what I'm saying. Hold the Moan is very good. Hold the Moan. They're doing naughty sexual things in public settings in parked cars

with crowds of people just behind them. Maybe she's facing the camera and showing her boobs, but they're in a Starbucks completely surrounded, but only the camera can see her front, so she's like stuff like that. They'll masturbate in libraries and they're squate in uh like libraries and like they're like squirting in classrooms in a changing room oh yeah good stuff good stuff big

fan of that so that will be the next place to film your hold the bone uh gifts for my for my use that actually is a good point i hadn't thought about the prostitution angle for self-driving cars or really just just the having sex in a car. Yeah, right? Suddenly road trips get a lot more fun when you don't have to perform the duties traditionally associated with road trips. Yeah. Yeah, definitely so. It would be nice to be in the car and just be able to interact with the other person, like give them 100% of your attention.

Whether that's sex or that's, you know, I don't know. The future is now. I feel like an old man because I'll get out a goddamn laptop and solve a problem so instantaneously that it's just so much power. It's like, oh, we need a thing brought

in from the other side of the country in two days to make this other big thing work. Grrrr. Done. Done. There's a whole... I just put a chain of events in motion that dozens of people are going to fulfill what I want done. And it'll just happen.

And it's $30. And getting questions answered? Like, once you get the knack for asking Siri stuff, you know, that's amazing. Siri, I know like 15 things that she does, and then of course i can just ask her to google stuff for me and like that i don't know something about that the future is now she is amazing and siri changed so when she came out she was just like a voice recognition

system that like people programmed now she's a learning machine she's Skynet so like you ask her a question and she answers it and she's tracking how well she does at this so she's continuously learning to be a better assistant through like genetic algorithms it's the coolest thing it's uh it's a little scary but also not scary enough to not outweigh it in coolness. I never use Siri or talk to text because I can type with my fingers on my phone so, so much faster than having to go back and correct. If you don't want to look like a complete blithering idiot that has no punctuation and common words spelled wrong,

then you just have to type it. Oh, that's not true. Because voice to text is not there yet, yet at least when i've tried it you don't know how to use it correctly so what you do is you say when are you coming to when you're coming to my house question mark i would like to see you later today period you put your you say your uh your punctuation and it just does it and makes the sentences i do that, but here's the trouble. Let's say I do just that, and then for some reason it says, when are you coming to my mouse? I find it super tough to just swap that M for an H. They haven't worked.

Either I suck at it, or that GUI isn't everything it could be. Do you use SwiftKey? Because I use SwiftKey. I don't. I think i just built an apple one it's a replacement keyboard i've done a lot of things to be able to to fix like typing and texting errors there was this i used to always try to type the word have h-a-v-e and it would make up this invisible imaginary word that i don't think is a word. Han. H-A-N-N-E. And it was just like, what is this word? And I went and disabled the word so it can't even fucking be typed anymore.

And it's so wonderful. So I went and did that to a lot of common typos and misspellings. So it just doesn't happen anymore. I love SwiftKey. SwiftKey does this too, I know. But the built-in Apple keyboard, if you do, like, for example, I do PKA in all capital letters. That might be something I type more than most people do. Now it's a thing. Like, if I can just verbally say PKA and it's a word in my dictionary that she knows is like in my

everyday vocabulary and it's pretty neat. Yeah. I like the stuff we're getting. It's cool stuff. We'll have the self-driving cars soon enough. That's actually going to be a thing. I want a self-driving RV. I feel like that really takes it to the next level. You know, self-driving cars is cool, but when you have a TV and a kitchen in there, now you're talking. But you gotta be at the wheel, right? Like you can't leave, you can't have what's basically half of a house careening down the highway at 70 miles per hour while you're in the back barbecuing and jackie's taking a nap ideally you shouldn't but people will do that yes people will definitely do that can you imagine what it would be like for it to be in an rv that had like a major like 70 to 0 collision i looked at or you like run into a bistro somewhere and barrel over like 60 people

like that could happen. I looked at buying an RV recently. The owners of this house had an RV that sold it to us. And so there's like a couple, it shouldn't be a big deal breaker, but there's like RV plugs and stuff here and there. And I was like, you know, like some of the things that stopped me from owning stuff like that at the Apex house was where would I put it? Like what would I do with it? Now those things aren't barriers they're so cool ah they're expensive they're expensive and they're bad like well rvs are built like cheaply poorly for example they're they're just like thin aluminum worse than a a mobile home, right? Thin aluminum.

The little quarter round strips on the outside have like a quarter inch of overlap to the sideboard. And they always separate and they always leak. And then like guys are telling me like, oh, yeah, then you patch it with the tar or something. And then it leaks in some other way. I don't know how they do it. And maybe caulk. Maybe caulk. I don't know how they do it. And maybe caulk. Maybe caulk. I don't know.

And they're just like the trim around your house, right? It's all like nailed in with finishing nails. In an RV, the trim around is just held with like tiny little staples. Like just a step above paper staples. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know those things. That's the nature of the construction. It depends on the level of RV you get, though, right? Because whenever they came to our place to do that thing with Sam and all those guys with the prize money,

they had two RVs they brought to house us in if it rained and I think people eat lunch in there and stuff. and I think people eat lunch in there and stuff. And they had supports, like hydraulic supports that came down and like supported the whole thing. Like it wasn't sitting on the tires anymore. It had like legs that it would grow. To level it. It was so nice. I thought it was so nice in that thing.

Like we were all like, I think they said it was like $300,000 or something like that. I wonder if you really looked at it closely, if you'd still think so. I have a friend, a paramotor friend, and he's in the market for an RV. It seems like professionally he's set up in such a way that he can get a good one. He's stuck. Nobody makes

an RV that he feels like isn't kind of junk i was looking at junk ones i was like what do you get for eight grand you know eight grand yeah give me some 1992 you get an old school bus yeah dude i thought about that too i'm like all right so if rvs are all kind of cheap and they're just a a problem that you're about to buy how about an ambulance right what if i buy an ambulance it's got two beds built into it right it's got a bunch of storage traffic issues are solved like what if i bought an ambulance and and uh they typically are overbuilt they're like big diesel engines and last forever uh i don't know sometimes i think about buying

something but then every time I look at it, this is what happens. I'm like, okay, okay, okay, okay. It looks like I just need to be in this thing for like $8,000. Well, shit. That's like 80 nights in a hotel. Which is not only better, but cheaper.

There's a long time before you get a payoff in buying a car that you can live in. Yeah, like you get a payoff in buying a car that you can live in. Yeah, like you would have to be spending a third of your year vacationing, staying in that thing. And even if you did spend that much time vacationing, very quickly that RV turns from like, man, do you believe it has a TV and this little card table and that, to being like, God, I'm so cooped up. I got cabin fever in here. This sucks. Why didn't I just get a bunch of Marriott points like everybody told me to but now i can't because i'll admit i was wrong and i'm

fucking idiot to buy this i i'm convinced now that the only way to vacation is to avoid hope like especially if you're vacationing and not on work is vrbo or um or uh or uh what's that thing that i kept getting fucked over with in uh airbnb airbnb something like that because i've done it several times since uh you know getting places in atlanta to go uh hang out for a night or two and i've gotten like really high-rise apartments where you can see like the whole fucking city for like 150 a night like it um and i've gotten like whole houses with like a backyard and a grill and like what's the difference between the two, VRBO and Airbnb? So VRBO is vacationrentalsbyowner.com.

So it tends to be there aren't any cots in like closets on there. It's mostly like nice stuff. And that's the one I prefer. It's the one I've used longer. But Airbnb is so big and popular right now you if you go in and set the parameters to like only the whole house only you know if you if it has air conditioning and cable and wi-fi if you set all the parameters like you want them then it'll narrow it down to you know the listings that you would actually want to stay in it's just the thing about airbnb is the bottom tier of airbnb

is real shit like there's no like there's no floor there where it's like oh no no you can't just put someone in a closet like yeah you can like there'll be 15 dollar airbnbs where this it's a cot and you can see extension cords all tangled in the background it's like here stay here for the night i don't want that i am i had a thing i was waiting for it but uh vrbo you can get some like you can get like a mansion on vrbo for let's say twenty five hundred dollars a night and it'll have 12 bedrooms so you and like three or four couples could go and get this mansion with a pool and a tennis court and 50 acres for like a whole week. And each of you would only be chipping in a little bit of money.

So I like to do that stuff too. There's a similar service. But it's for renting your house out for movies. And I was like, huh. I wonder if anyone would rent my place out and film a scene or two in the Game of Thrones room. Would they look at this place and be like, oh, yeah know we're doing a shoot in north carolina and this place is three hours away and i i wonder little dicky's gonna show up little dicky or oh maybe you don't know that reference have you he's got a video called save that money and the premise is that

he's like oh making this whole music video for free and at the beginning he's literally going from house to house maybe in beverly hills begging hey you got a big house i'm little dicky i'm a rapper um we'd like to film here and he just begs until someone says yes yeah but they rent it out for a lot you know and and a lot of the like if it's a bigger production something that to you is a notable amount of money like four or five thousand dollars for two days to them is a very tiny piece of the budget and uh it's like huh i wonder if there's any money to be made there i wish i wonder how much how much would you charge like so because you couldn't have like brand new movies in theater it would all have to be movies that they were watching for the sake of

it being on the big screen and like really comfortable theater chairs you're misunderstanding taylor oh am i so so the premise is that um a movie production company would want to utilize woody's property for their film for the set oh i thought you meant that people in that area that didn't want to drive to a real theater would rather come to your house and watch it in the comfort where they can my first thought as well i must not have explained it very well. I would much rather go to a friend's house who had a nice indoor theater than go to any public theater

and take that dice roll of whether or not there's going to be some loud asshole next to me. I found a good one. I found a new theater. Ours is really good. Let me quickly describe mine. So this one's good for if I don't want IMAX. It's closer than my old one. It's 40 minutes away in Athens.

And you walk in a door. There's no one there. You swipe your card at a machine to buy your tickets. It takes literally, it's like boop, boop, boop. It's faster than the airport check-in thing. It's $8 a ticket and there's no lines. There's nobody fucking there.

It was wonderful. I loved it. Here's what makes mine special. You go in, and you buy a seat. It's a little more than a normal movie theater, maybe like $10 a seat. But you don't just buy a ticket. You have an assigned seat now. You're in G15. And you get there, and it's like the nicest Lazy Boy that you've ever sat in.

It has an electronic button on it that puts it into the recline phase. Is it an AMC theater? No, I don't think so. I hadn't heard of it before. Maybe rodeo. I'm not even sure. And it has a table that goes across the front. The air conditioning is so powerful in it, people bring blankets.

And they pull up the center, they bring blankets, they cuddle up, and they watch a movie together. And it was a normal movie. I think it was, like, Star Wars or something. All right, you know, they all try to come on the floor, you know, for decency's sake. You know, you try not to hit the guy next to you. Well, it's easier to just stay erect in a public area

with your feet elevated keep that blood flowing down you know as you recline that does yours have a button that you can press on the armrest because what you're describing exactly like the one that i go to usually but they have like a button you can hit and then order food or beer or soda or whatever you want and they bring it to you i i didn't order that that level of food but i think that it does it is there and it's called the raleigh grande and i'm trying to get uh like images of it or something for this show you know what i've been doing lately the food i've been sneaking in maybe i already told you guys but i go to like moe's or chipotle and get one of those big

fucking chicken burritos and i i've been sneaking in a whole Moe's burrito. So, like, as the threat, I have the girl put it in her purse. So we get in there, we get our burritos out, unwrap them, you know, tearing aluminum foil, which is a sound you should never be hearing in a theater. I'm like, tear it quietly. Don't let anybody hear you unraveling. Yeah. And, like. By the time

the previews are over, I'm chowing down into my delicious Chipotle burrito. Got my big gulp there and my Snickers. Great time. That's fortunate that she lets you put burritos in her purse. Her burrito's in there too?

Well, if she brings a burrito, she'd be mean to not accept yours. Everybody gets a burrito. Come with Kyle, everyone gets a burrito. Burritos to go around. Yeah, that's what I do. Like, on the way to the movies I plan it out so I can stop at Moe's, get the burritos, put them in the bag,

roll it up real good. I bring the chips and the queso too. And I try to get in there where it's assigned seating and it's like at the queso too and uh i try to get in there where it's assigned seating and it's like at the imax where it's so fucking big that i can be like all right nobody's around let's get the burritos out but yeah that's made movies so much better because i always eat when i watch tv or movies i gotta have my food if you go to what's your ranking on because i always maybe there's one close to you there's moe's chipotle and quidoba quidoba whatever

the fuck it's called those are the three i know of what's your race so there's a willy's mexican grill i think and they have uh this garlicky chicken and then they have this other like really spicy marinated chicken um that's pretty good but i think i like chip i think i like moe's better because they got queso but chipotle is just as good if i'm being honest i like moe's better because they got queso, but Chipotle's just as good, if I'm being honest. I like Moe's and Chipotle about the same. I feel like Chipotle has, like, better quality meat than Qdoba. I don't really go to Moe's very often, but Qdoba has the, like, spicy hot queso it puts on there,

which, hot queso, that's going to put you over the top. The fact that Chipotle doesn't have that yet, or at least I haven't been to one in, like, six months because they didn't have fucking queso last time I went. And if you have opened a Mexican restaurant, you can't just go, ew, guac, no, ah, queso, gross. Like, no, you have to have everything or people won't go there, especially not if there's little poop particles giving people E. coli in your tomatoes. I love those burritos so much. I'm looking into buying a burrito steamer right now. It seems like they put down and they make the burrito all like sticky

and stretchy and pliable so you fucking roll that shit well it's three thousand dollars it takes up a lot of counter space and it has one use i was ready i was ready to pull the trigger on a pretty nice burrito steamer um pretty much like what they use at moe's but then i i read someone who said that a vegetable steamer is better that it's just a tape it's a um a stovetop vegetable steamer thing that'll steam it and make it all stretchy and i think that thing's like 12 bucks or something so how much was the high quality steamer oh my god they start at 80 and go up to like 250 for like just a regular thing for your kitchen top and like you know another 380 for like the top of the line thing or whatever that doesn't sound crazy to me like i feel like an ice cream maker

a bread maker they're all in that same price range they are it's just like i can see bread bread has a lot of utility you can use it for toast in the morning you can use it for a sandwich in the afternoon you can use it for whatever at night a tortilla is like you go three meals in a row and you start to feel like some weird invalid who with ocd where you're just constantly steaming new tortillas and just eating burritos and we've got too many suit appliances anyway like like we've got like the keurig thing and then a regular coffee pot and then an espresso maker. But then I really like fried food so I've got a big deep fryer sitting there too that kind of has a

basket that you lower down into it. And then there's the mixer over there's really just not enough counter space for us to have a burrito steaming station at this point. So I think I'm going to get the stove top thing. That really is much better spent on the deep fryer

because that's something that's neat to have. I replace the oil regularly because sometimes I do sweet stuff. You batter just about anything in the pancake batter and then just fry that shit. Snickers bars, Twinkies, ice cream, butter, Oreos, anything. So good. An Oreo on the inside inside when you bite in it turns the oreo cookie into like a melty chocolatey goo so i've never had anything like that i've never had deep fried whatever you never had fried oreo so good i've never even seen it

oh it's so good honestly i'd rather have a regular oreo i know honestly the only deep fried thing i can think of is French fries and McNuggets. Well, those aren't battered. Well, McNuggets are. So you take your Snickers and then you roll it in pancake batter with a stick stuck in it. And then you fry it in the oil and it turns it into this – like you've had funnel cakes, right? It's been a while, but yes. Yeah. It's like a funnel cake

wrapped around whatever else there was, but now whatever else there was is all melty and gooey encased in funnel cake. It's really delicious and terrible for you. Terrible. Because I like to get the powdered sugar out and do do do do do

maybe some frosting, some chocolate syrup, whatever. New topic? I'm hungry now. I don't know, fried desserts is pretty... My grandpa used to eat fried bologna sandwiches all the time. Yeah, I've done that. It's better fried. Bologna is a meat that is definitely improved by frying it,

because then it looks kind of like you put some effort into it. It really takes it from... If you just get that big tube of bologna and you slice it into slices it just looks weird and almost not like real food if you fry it it almost tricks you into being like oh could that be salami oh i'll believe it is and then you eat it like that because it looks like it curls up i'll never forget the little awkward moment i had with this old lady at a grocery store one time. I was buying some bologna for my dad. My dad gives it to our dogs. He buys that Oscar Mayer

bologna in the package, and he'll tear off a little bit, and it's like treats for his dogs. And so I'm buying this stuff. And in my opinion, bologna like that, in that package, is just not fit for human consumption. I don't eat it. I wouldn't eat it. I would pass it up even if I were hungry, because I just feel like it's low- for human consumption. I don't eat it. I wouldn't eat it. I would pass it up even if I were hungry because I just feel like it's low grade meat and I don't

want it. And, uh, and so I'm, I'm picking out this Oscar Meyer bologna and there's this old lady next to me. She's like, Oh, she gets herself a package as well. She's like, I love this bologna. Put it on a sandwich with a little mustard and little mayonnaise. real good. And without even thinking, I went, we feed it to our dogs. I'm like, we feed it to our dogs. And then I was just like, ugh. And I just turned and walked away. My social security

doesn't give me enough to buy real meat. I have to have bologna and little bits of whatever fucking, I couldn't think of a dog food brand god damn it purina yeah i felt pretty bad but it was the truth it's just like we don't eat this shit we just feed it to dogs yeah it's not it's not a very good looking meat i think it's kind of the same story as like government cheese though where like my grandparents grew up both dirt dirt poor like didn't have running water

or electricity poor in southern missouri and so they ate meat that they hunted and really really cheap stuff and so now it's almost like they have a like for really really cheap stuff because they remember it fondly just like government cheese a lot of people got given that and a lot of people like if you look up on the internet there's a ton of government cheese recipes that people like and they still want it because they grew up eating it like what's life like without running water like you have to go to a spigot that's a little further away on the farm and then pump it out into a pail and then carry it back and then dump it into a big bath thing and then go do it again. It sounded horrible. My father-in-law grew up in a cold water flat,

so he had running water but only cold. He was not a fan. He thought warm water was nice. Warm water is nice. It doesn't ever come out of the ground warm unless you live in Idaho or Utah or one of those mountain places. warm unless you live in like idaho or utah or one of those mountain places i i know that we're just really babied and and sensitized by our modern conveniences but look i i just don't want to live on without hot water i just don't i don't think i want to survive in a world that doesn't have

hot water in it really like long term long term if you tell me that like for the rest of my life there'll never be another hot shower like i guess maybe I could rig up some sort of wind-mealed powered thing heated by the sun. Or we could boil some water and have it pressurized or something. Have somebody outside pumping some bellows or something, I guess, to make a jacuzzi. I guess we could make that. But barring that, if you tell me that, no, it's going to be rough from now on. We're going to live inside this house. They're outside outside we can't even show any signs of life no hot water we'll just be filthy and and give ourselves cold like sponge baths you know what just kill me

yeah i don't think i'm gonna go out there and face whatever that is and just see what comes of it i have a friend that makes a big deal or used to about taking cold showers being like oh yeah i only take cold showers in the morning it really perks me up gets me ready i feel better feel healthier there's studies that show fucking whatever i looked up that i wanted to find out um and i i just don't understand it i've had to take cold showers out of necessity before and yeah it wakes you up faster but it doesn't put you in a better mood for the day. It makes me upset and angry. And the whole time, like, I just, like, I'm shaking and I, like, my hair's all lathered up.

And I, like, stand under there for, like, two seconds. And then I go, it has to be out of there by now, right? No, not even close. Shit. Okay. And then you have to try and rinse off again. Your water must be colder than mine. Because, like, you know, because you spent a life in cold water, Woody.

Yeah, you spent, you're like, I'm talking about you get out of your warm, deliciously comfy bed, and then you get up and already it's morning, so you're upset. And so you have to go into the bathroom and turn on the cold shower. Every morning is upset. Every morning.

The sun's up already? I wake up and I'm like, oh, I wish it was earlier. It's already like 8 or 9 or whatever it is. Like it would be nice if it was 6. And I have more morning. The sun back away. And then when I take my shower, look, don't let me kid you and act like I'm just dumping buckets of cool on me. It usually starts warm.

And I'm like, you know what? Cooler. You know what? Cooler. And it's like, know like i i'm enjoying this and and sometimes i'll i don't know if i take it down to full cold but i take it down to a cold that you probably wouldn't like my routine is very warm so like the first thing i do is as i walk past the bathroom door to get my coffee is i turn a heater on in there it's gonna be toasty in there when i get in there and uh you know by the time i actually get in the shower that the water's steaming and as hot as it could be fucking be

i'm just like all right here we fucking go again and just like let's go in there and do my thing but but yeah i don't i don't i despise cold showers i love like scalding hot showers to the point like you get out and your skin's kind of red and it's probably not good for you your hair feels different hey your hair feels a little different maybe like my sperm count isn't as good as it should be whatever i've done that so two things one um it's easier to shave if you like run really hot water or soak in a hot bath so like you know if i'm gonna shave my pubic hair i'll turn i'll get the the the spray nozzle thing from the shower the shower head and like as hot as i can fucking take it and this is like turning it up in tiny increments like right on my pubic hair so that it's like super uh like

like loose or soft so that i so that it'll shave easier uh and then by the same rationale while i was down there i was thinking you I could probably lower my sperm count significantly if I just turned this up a few more degrees and point it down a few degrees as well and just blast my balls with some scalding hot water for a few minutes as well. Just kill all the sperm, I figure. Just to be safe. One thing that is nice about my shower,

we have a separate hot water heater for that part of the house. So the shower gets warm in like 10 seconds or something. Like if you have your underwear on, you turn so the shower gets warm in like 10 seconds or something like if you if you if like say you have your underwear on you turn on the shower by the time you take your wonder underwear off the shower is hot like it's seconds i don't know 10 seconds it's yeah there's nothing better than a warm shower like if you told me that those were outlawed because chancellor clinton said no more. No more warm water.

She's authoritarian like that. All the warm water goes to the refugees. They get our warm water. All the warm water. Syrians have never had a hot shower and you want to take one every day. Have a nice sand bath like they do. Good sand scrub.

It's refreshing. We brought water hose trucks into all the white neighborhoods just go outside and wait for yourselves i've been watching with a bird if you're soaked up already guys we're watching the polls this week really closely i expected a clinton bounce and there was one on this is 538 i've been watching but they made they wrote an article i didn't fully understand saying like like, this Clinton bounce is just an illusion. She's not doing as well as you think. They're actually pretty mixed, the polls. Yeah, I followed them more on it, too.

And it looked, maybe, this was, like, yesterday. And it seems to change all the time. But one of, like, the 538 articles, I don't know if it was written by Nate Silver or someone else, but it was saying, like, the title was like, I've never seen so many smart people otherwise be stupid by pretending like Trump didn't have a shot at all. When he was, 538 was bickering with this other analytics guy, because the other analytics guy made fun of 538 saying, oh, so now it's like 5248 in favor of Hillary, that's way too close, get off of Nate Silver's roller coaster ride. And Nate Silver responded like,

no, you guys just aren't looking at the polls correctly. It's way closer than a lot of people are admitting, although he still says Clinton's still probably going to end up winning. She has more paths to victory. So the article I read was called Reports of a Clinton Rebound Have Been Greatly Exaggerated. And to just look at the numbers, it seems like there's a Clinton rebound have been greatly exaggerated. To just look at the numbers, it seems like there's a Clinton rebound, but they go in there and say that the results are so mixed

it's not as positive as you might think. Oh, I saw one. It was, I guess, likely voter versus registered voter. The polls there, where basically the registered voter polls is they're polling actual people who are registered to vote, then likely voter is they're polling people who are like yeah i may go out there and apparently hillary's lead grows some when they include likely voters um as opposed to just registered that's interesting i always um i typically and i think the history says this republicans are the more reliable voters that like there might be more democrats who like you know who like their candidate but they just don't show up at the polls

that's true with young people and poor people you know they might want to vote democrat but they uh they just don't they stay home yeah whereas republicans a lot of them old are a lot of them are older and they are passionate about it more because they're older, and they kind of have more perspective and are really into it. It's their hobby. It's their hobby, exactly. It's their thing that they're into. And so obviously they're going to go contribute.

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tiny you don't even know it's there. It's nice for things i've got a bunch of them now kyle you ready for the next topic what is your town's dark secret can you think of a dark secret in your town or a town you've lived in right i i saw this topic and i was like, yeah, I kind of have one. Hmm. No, I can't think of anything that the town knows about that really fit that profile. Some of the descriptions, like it was an Ask Reddit question. They have a fence with the word masturbate on it that you can only see when it rains. And someone posted a picture. It was pretty funny.

Let's see. I'm looking for another short one there was a brothel run by human traffickers in a rural town in ohio mine was in ocean city new jersey the parking authority lost money like it wasn't a profitable business and it's pretty amazing because it's a business. All they do is they collect money for nothing, right? Like they walk out, they get money out of like buckets. They're money collectors. They're money collectors and they couldn't turn a profit doing it. It turned out a couple things happened. One, the parking authority was like taking vacations everywhere. It's a beach town.

So in the winter, they don't work. As a matter of fact, in the winter, they don't even collect money. So they just go on vacations, but like work trips, business trips. And they'd have like parking meetings in the Bahamas, parking meetings in Nassau, parking meetings like all over the world, and that's that. And then the guy who was like at the top of the parking authority had a curiously nice home.

I mean, you know how much money he makes and you know that that home doesn't fit the amount of money he makes. So they all suspected that he bought that home in quarters. And yeah, they had to toss, they like fired everybody. To me, I was like, hey, get rid of the parking authority. Just stop charging for spots. It's a surefire way to break even but um they ended up just hiring honest people and making money yeah i don't think i got anything like taylor does your town have a dark secret what your town's dark secret would be it was ferguson and then it got out um no that's that's a funny thing now is if people come through St. Louis, they'll like ask like, where's Ferguson?

And then like, they imagine some like horrible slum somewhere. And like, if I was driving you through Ferguson and I didn't mention that we were going through Ferguson, I bet I could get through the entire thing without you going, is this it? Like, cause it doesn't look like Baghdad the way the,, all the clips that you see from the riots that happened there did. Are people too young to know the movie Escape from New York? No, I don't think so. Like, that is almost my movie version of Ferguson, right? Like, people banging on the windows, fires and barrels and shit like that.

on the windows, fires and barrels and shit like that, like, you know, homemade weapons, handheld crossbow, but in pistol form, but not really like that. Yeah. It's not like that at all. Like, if you went up to someone in Ferguson,

and were like, hey, you want to go hang out in East St. Louis? They'd be like, fuck out of here, that's too dangerous. Like, they... Maybe some of them go hang out there but they're closer to north county which north county is not safe um yeah there's not a lot of safe areas uh very close to the city because it's just anything can happen there but dark secrets from the city i don't i don't know if i knew, it wouldn't be a very good secret. Did you guys have one or no?

I just had the parking authority thing. Lost money. Uh, hmm. I got a new topic. No. Yeah, go ahead. I don't know if it's been national news or not. Did you see the UNC girl that came out about being raped? Uh, no. I didn't see it you

have to give me the rundown dude it's terrible so look i'm no perfect judge of human behavior but i saw her interviewed it was like 40 minutes long they did like a press conference type thing and she seems really credible she seems like a maybe a sweet girl that likes to party sometimes you know she goes to unc which implies that uh her grades were pretty good in high school and she has her act mostly together but she had a nose ring so you know that's who she is right mostly has her act together anyway she got too drunk at a party and it appears that a football player raped her

so she did everything you're supposed to do like she immediately reported the rape she got a rape kit taken by the police department and like just followed all the rules and did all the things and the police interviewed her.

And she hated the interviews. My opinion on it was, like, you know what? Some of these uncomfortable questions get to be asked. You know, did you lead the guy on? I don't know. Do you frequently have one-night stands and stuff? Well, they're trying to investigate. So they're going to ask a ton of stuff. Exactly.

Yeah, yeah. And had you had sex with this guy before? Questions like that. And she's like, how dare you invade my privacy? The thing is, they also taped it when they interviewed him. And they don't take these tapes and make them public, so I haven't seen them. But she was able to talk about him. And her attorney was. And the mood with him is totally different it's like fist bump bro don't worry we're gonna

totally take care of this it's gonna be all right you just keep on playing football and they didn't press any wait that was what the the football players said or that's what the attorney for the girl said the cop said that's what the cop said as they interviewed him yeah so you know she's trying to press charges on this thing and i'm not an expert on it but apparently only the state can like bring forward rape charges so she has like the state like dropped it like the campus police and people who were investigating it they just didn't want to go anywhere with it and by by the way, like, she got the rape kit. She did the whole thing.

It appears that she was raped. She got too drunk, but that doesn't mean you can't be raped. That's just what facilitated it. And the most damning thing to me was, as I heard about the police, like, bro-fisting the rapist, like, we're going to take care of this. You just keep playing football. So when she went forward to the press,

it looks like they're taking another look at the whole thing. But it, I don't know. Like, I want to send my daughter to UNC. And there's some bad shit going on there in terms of the sports teams. Like, all these fake classes rape charges getting dismissed like these guys are above the law it's a little scary but yeah i mean i'm sure more will come out now that it's been sent to the press we'll see what is up um do they know as of now if it was they just dropped it because there was no evidence or

they dropped it because they were like oh no like we're just not continuing like i don't understand they kind of didn't explain themselves they said that they just weren't going any further with the case but now that she's gone to the press they're looking at it again he got kicked off the football team that's the thing that happened it didn't previously happen it wasn't until so her and her lawyers did a apparently it's a rare legal move where when the state like won't pursue it they can pursue misdemeanor rape charges like whatever that is or misdemeanor sexual assault not felony like like she was expecting but she's like you know what i gotta do something you know they did um if I don't do this then there'll be some other girl behind me with the same problem

and when they did that and when they came to the press the law enforcement is kind of like, well maybe we will look at felony level charges, you know, let's give us a chance to look at this again and see if we made the right call. I think that's where it stands. It's really

upsetting to like see like maybe i'm jumping the gun but from what you said it does seem like he raped her and that she was raped and she's going through every avenue that she's supposed to to see like real victims like that called into question because people like amy schumer for example will just throw it out there like oh by the way i was also raped uh when i had sex once oh are you gonna are you gonna press charges are you gonna make sure this person comes to justice are you gonna set a good example for you know the women you're you're supposedly speaking to right now via twitter no no it's just it's enough to just say it it's enough to just say it you know

just throw it out there like first like it's so it it lessens the value of actual victims who brit who come forward and if anything makes them less likely to because they're going to be like oh okay well i'm going to come forward and everybody's going to say i'm faking it because so many people come forward who then decide oh well i'm not going to press charges i'm not going to do this or that it it's really a fucked up situation everything right she did everything right and it seems like entirely because her rapist played for the unc football team the the police and the authorities were just like nah we'll let this go i mean it's gotta have something to do with it that he was on the football team and it's unc so it's i don't know how good their football team is this year but i know they're a large enough school that football

matters exactly yeah yeah there'll be some team that they bounce in and out of the top 25 like they're they're a top team ish yeah well on a happy note in college football georgia beat missouri yes i was watching that game at a bar uh near downtown with some friends and everybody was like oh man because i was sitting next to a buddy of mine and his wife who went to old miss and earlier that day old miss had taken a huge lead on alabama and then alabama just stormed back and ended up embarrassing them like of course because it's alabama and i was watching the mizzou georgia game i don't know if you were kyle but we were up 27 to 21 for most of the second half i guess is college football so quarters like third and most of the fourth quarter and then the last drive i was just like yep this is it this is mizzou football

they're about to score and we're gonna lose and exactly that happened it was like someone could have popped a balloon in that bar it was so fucking quiet of everybody like i don't know why they're surprised anymore if you're a Mizzou fan or a Blues fan, or I guess Mizzou's not fair. Mizzou won the SEC twice in the last five years. But Blues, really. I'm starting to get back into that mindset of Blues because it's coming up. I've got to start tempering expectations.

Especially this year. You guys are going to be toast. I expect them to be much worse. Not much worse, but I expect them to be definitely worse than they were last year. I want to see some predictions. I think you should predict their record for the season before it begins. I'll think about it, and I will come back with an actual prediction.

Like, take a look at their entire schedule and just map it all out. Like, oh yeah, well, by this time, Big T, his ankles might be hurting him a little bit. He won't perform so well here. There will be a 500 team next year they will well that's even though the blues are in far and away the hardest division in hockey the central division we've got dallas chicago nashville st louis minnesota our worst team would have been competitive in the pacific division last year because they were so bad the division with all with all the California teams and then a couple of bottom feeders.

But, oh man, I think knowing the blues, it'll be like two weeks into the season and they'll be like, oh, there was actually a raccoon outbreak in the middle of the locker room and all of our team has rabies. So we're Chicago wolves,

our AHL team, give them hell wolves like that. We had so many injuries last year. It was pathetic. But, yeah, the Blues will not be a 500 team unless they have a serious implosion, which could happen because, like I've said before, Ken Hitchcock is our head coach, has been for the past few years. He's leaving after this season because he said,

I want to give it one more shot i want to be the one who brings the first stanley cup to st louis and it's like haha no um then mikey schmultz the former head coach of the minnesota wild that got fired and they were like okay yeah we're gonna hire you but you have to be the assistant coach to ken hitchcock this year but next year you get to be the head coach for a few years or however long his contract is i don't know and so basically it's going to be a locker room dynamic of if those two guys don't get along those two coaches if they have any sort of split or schism all the players have to go fuck he's the head coach but i can't piss this guy off because

he's my future and so that is what i could see going miserably wrong and causing the Blues to miss the playoffs. But if there isn't a huge coaching collapse... What kind of authority does the head coach have when he's on his way out, right? When he wants to enforce things, get the players in line, do things his way. They all know he's gone next year. But he has all the authority for this season.

So if 30 games into the season... If they lose, they'll fire ken and put the other guy in charge say all right let's do it now they could i guess like the only thing i could think is that like maybe 30 games in or whatever tarasenko big t um maybe he can hitchcock don't get along that well and it's generally not good for the best player on your team to not get along that well with the coach, because then the coach does little spiteful things like not put them out there on the power play when he should be giving him shitty minutes,

having him do like really quick shifts to the point of it being ludicrous, almost playing shorthanded like he did against Dallas or San Jose in the third round last year. Yeah, I have faith we'll make the playoffs, but I'd say this year's going to be another first round exit. Probably. Yeah.

Two years from now, three years from now, we'll be better than we were last year. But your farm system is weak. Farm system is not weak. I read it was. On which website? The internet.

On the internet. Farm system is not that weak. I really did read that it was weak. I noticed the article caught my attention because both Philly and Carolina apparently have a strong farm system. Philly has – so the problem with farm systems is that the way that they're... Actually, that is so fucking boring, I just caught myself. I'm not going to even describe

the intricacies of NHL in my own language. It's the last person that exits out of this video. Philly has a lot of good defensemen coming up. They've got Shane Gostisbare, who was very good this year. But Blues have Pareko and Fabry, two rookies who played exceptionally well in the playoffs and regular season this past year.

And I don't know. We're a young team, and I think we're going to end up growing into something better. All right. I guess we'll change the topic. I don't mean to be a dick because I know this actually matters to Taylor, I don't mean to be a dick because I know this actually matters to Taylor, but I am gleefully excited about how much that team will tank this year because I look forward to Taylor's angry rants. They'll be hilarious.

It's going to be so funny when he goes full-on bull burrs, like, I don't know what I was thinking. I don't know. They showed one season of promise, exited in the third round, and now it's gone forever. We have no good team. Big T is injured for the ACL or whatever the fuck is going to happen to him. Our other players are gone.

Our farm system sucks. We can hardly manage. We're in seven games. We have one win and a bunch of losses and ties. The problem with the Blues, though though is like 2005 to 2010 is when i fell out of interest with the blues a lot because they were horrible yeah it's coming back embarrassingly bad and the blues in 50 years have missed the playoffs seven or eight times so they've never been a team where it's like, man, fifth year in a row missing the playoffs.

We really suck dick. It was always like, all right, 18 years in a row. We're making it to the Stanley Cup this time. Oh, we lost in the first round. Fuck. Well, next year. All right, made the playoffs again. All right, we're year 25.

25th time is the charm. They made it 25 years. No, 27 years, I think, in a row. You're like an Atlanta Braves fan. I feel like the Atlanta Braves always make the playoffs. Not in a while. Not lately. Not lately, but there was a period where they always made the playoffs, and

it felt like their fans always complained. Like, ugh, we didn't win the pennant. Of course! Of course! Not of course to me. Ten years in a row, and you win one series? That's bullshit. You're in it every. No, no. Ten years in a row and you win one series? That's bullshit. You're in it every single year and you can't close the deal.

And keep in mind, the National League East was always fucking weak. So you really only had to win like one series to get to the World Series. You just got to win the NL. You just got to figure out. You got to beat the Cleveland Indians. You got to beat the Astros. And they couldn't fucking do it. And then I'm over here like a Phillies fan.

Not that I'm really into it, but I'm a Phillies fan, and it's like, how do those Braves people complain? The Phillies are one of the teams that they had to beat to do it, and maybe one year throughout the 90s, the Phillies were better than the Braves. It was really rare. Not in the 90s. Lately, they've had strong teams, though, obviously.

No, they did. It was Lenny Dykstra who was on the team. I think they lost the World Series one year. Sure. People here are like distraught about the Cardinals. That's who I meant earlier was the Cardinals. We're still

above 500 and people are acting like we're the worst team in baseball because they've been so, we've been so spoiled with an excellent team for so long that now seeing it slip away, especially to the fucking Cubs, which is okay because the Cubs aren't going to win the World Series. They're going to get knocked out. I have to believe that. They can't have the Cubs win and have Chicago's success in the past six years.

It's not fair. It's not fair. So hopefully no to that. At least the have the Cubs win and have Chicago's success in the past six years. It's not fair. It's not fair. So hopefully no to that. At least the Bulls aren't good. I don't care about basketball, though. And the Bears, never good. We lost the Rams, though. Rams, uh, oh, the Rams' ratings in LA

were only slightly better than the Kansas City Chiefs' ratings were in St. Louis. So I'm very happy to see that LA doesn't give a fuck about their team, and they're going to be bad, and continue to be bad. Well, that's sports. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't have a new topic.

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that's pretty badass three you know i thought that must have been a mistake or a typo maybe one or two if you're feeling ballsy but not one not two but three free meals at blueapron.com slash painkiller shun ice just signed up he's like a free meal oh hot damn yeah he just likes the ice pack and the cardboard they send it in did you guys watch the newest South Park? Yeah, I did. Episode 2? I did watch it. I liked it a lot.

I'm liking the season. They do such good stuff. I think it's better than last season so far. I like PC Principal a lot. I like last season a lot too. I don't know. I'm digging it though. I like the member berries.

I really like them um and i liked uh the whole thing with the you know the trolling uh who did he troll he went to some like like a dutch breast cancer website and was trolling them like a dutch professional rower or something yeah but about her breast cancer like like that. She's like his nemesis now. She's like, I'm not going to let that. He's like, oh, really? Game on. That's what's so funny is they threw right in the face that old thing that people do where they're like,

those trolls, they're just pathetic and sad in their mother's basements. They're lonely virgins, probably ugly and fat. They hate themselves so much, they just have to say mean things to you. And then it gerald broflovsky like uh play like the sun is shining he's he's walking out of his house that he owns you know just walking around people are inconveniencing him like walking into him and he's oh never the matter you're fine ma'am go right ahead someone's like using coupons at the store oh no worries take your time like being super super friendly because

that's like it really solidified kind of what trolling actually is a lot of it is just people who get a weird kind of high out of fucking with people and getting people to argue like where they can look and see like shoenice was saying he was like i saw i would sit on the playground and tell something to joey and then go say something else to steve and then watch as steve and joey duked it out while i sat on the swings just watching it all happen like that's like it upsets people to think that people do that just because they're shitty and awful but they also might have good successful happy lives so they have to manufacture the nonsense of oh they're just lonely virgin basement dwellers which some of them are but i thought that was hilarious how they showed him coming off of a troll fest

where he puts dicks in all these sick women's mouths and then just comes out beaming. Loved it. It made his whole day. He's at the store buying the things that he drinks and eats while he trolls people. He's like, oh, a little more wine. Ha, ha, ha, yeah.

It's good. I'm digging this episode so far this season so far i like how uh i like them fucking with cartman i like all that stuff and the the trump making fun of i think is hysterical where they come all to death first episode and they're like you did say that you were going to quote fuck them to death the immigrants at this point you promised to fuck 7.5 million people to death in your first term how's that achievable and he's like well i don't think i used exactly that word they like showed a whole clip of him just going and i'm gonna fuck them and i'm drug drug those drug pushers you better bet i'm gonna fuck them and it's like him banging on a podium and you can hear the like off the mic

and he's oh my god I wouldn't say that and then he says it 10,000 times and then he's got like this meeting with his staff they're like he's like how am I gonna fuck all these people to death and they're like well maybe you could use nuclear weapons

and then fuck the bodies and he's like no that won't work. It's great. And the cool thing about that show, I would think now in the 20th season that they weren't up against the clock every week just making the show at the last minute. But they are because one of them like half the time isn't in the studio. He like telecommutes. And so he comes in to like get this project wrapped up this week and it's like go go go for like five days so the first episode of this season of the 20th season i think it was

like it comes out on wednesday so like we see it wednesday night and on monday they were like 60 done with the show it's like like we got we gotta figure this out in like a day and a half here you know there's two million i think There's 2 million viewers or something. Maybe more. I know it's like the bedrock of Comedy Central at this point, though, with no more Chappelle Show, no more Key & Peele, I don't think, anymore. It's absolutely their flagship, no doubt. Nobody tunes into Comedy Central, for the most part, unless it's South Park.

I was saying that to Melissa just last night when we were talking. Man, do we ever watch any things on Comedy Central if it's not South Park? And then some stupid commercial for a new cartoon came on. And it was like, see, that example of that stupid shit cartoon that's going to last five episodes and then get pulled because nobody's watching it. That is why South Park can do whatever they want. Comedy Central, to me, used to be The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. That was their...

That was the stuff that I liked. I remember Cranky Anchors. I liked it a lot. I didn't like Cranky Anchors that much. I didn't believe it. Adam Carolla was always good on there. I'm sure it wasn't true. Yeah, I'm sure, but I think Adam Carolla is really fucking funny I thought they were real prank phone calls

I don't know I'm just always hesitant of prank phone call recordings and shit like that because like they used to do them like I'm sure Stern, ONA all those guys had fake prank phone calls because it's illegal to call someone

make them look like an asshole on the radio in front of a bunch of people and then go oh and by the way you've been broadcast without your permission well they don't do millions of people oh contact your attorney well they don't do it like that they uh they pre-record them and they get permission to use them yeah but that's kind of also what keeps it from getting super, super crazy. Because if it gets absolutely wildly out there, they're going to say, no, you can't play this where they find out that I'm cheating on my wife with a gay man in a house. But they'll have Sal Gravenali and Richard Christie calling people with all kinds of ridiculous – they'll call animal control. And it'll be like Richard Christie pretending like he's an old lady and her husband is like dealing with this animal in their garage and you can hear it roaring and it's a it's a scary roar like you don't even know it's like and you hear like thrashing and she's like oh no

harold be careful what is it what is it and the like, don't approach it, ma'am. It could be a bear. Oh, Lord, it's got Harold. And you can hear the roar and Harold screaming, it's got me. It's got me. I think it's a werewolf. And she's like, it's a werewolf. The wolf's got you. And he's like, a werewolf?

What the fuck? What are you? Get out of the garage, ma'am. Get out of the garage. You just hear him screaming in pain and the roars and stuff. So every now and then they'll have one that's funny like that. I like their prank phone calls a lot.

They'll call I think it might have been a KFC. They called like a KFC in some Arabic country and started asking them whoever answered the phone started asking him questions. He's like, you know, I want to come down there, but I'm worried you guys don't like Americans. Anybody going to do anything to me?

He's like, oh, no, no, no. We don't like what your government does, but we're not going to hurt any Americans. We wouldn't do that. And it sounded pretty reasonable after you started hearing this KFC employee lay it out like that. That, yeah, there had been some places get burned down in that country recently. I think they burned down some KFCs in that country recently as a protest against America. And so that's the genesis of the call.

And at the end of the call, he's like, well, what about Jews? Do you have any Jews in there? And he's like, absolutely not. No Jews. What? Oh, okay. But I'm okay. He's like, are you Jew? No. Oh, yeah. Then you are good you are good you

come right in you get yourself some chicken it was fun to see it take that turn though whenever you're like well you know i guess he lives in another country he doesn't know us of course i like that he's not prejudiced against the the everyday american though he hates american policy that makes a little sense for him i get it i get it but no jews no jews not one he was so anti-semitic yeah well that's not very uncommon in uh that area that part of the world you think they got that part of the world the jews are very much disliked not to be popularity contests why aren't you so disliked in a lot of places we've been through why the Jews are just like, it goes back to the usury and the money lending in the old days.

They were the only ones who would do money lending. Usury was either looked down upon or punished. So they would charge interest on a loan. And they were the only ones that would do that. And that became a bad thing against them. But then there's also something to the idea that they

stick together in a very close-knit area, only do business with one another. So you get this income flow where money just flows into the Jewish community and it doesn't flow out because Jewish people are spending their money at only other Jewish businesses. So it's just, you know, sure. That still exists to a large point. Of course it is. I'm not talking about like something that happened in the 40s i'm talking about jewish people yeah i i had a co-worker who went to the doctor and uh the doctor was jewish and he was jewish and i wish i could remember the word like i i'm gonna screw it up but you know he he's billing him and he's like And he's like, Goya?

Or whatever the word was. Goyim? Could be. I don't know. And he just sort of gives him the nod. And the price drops by like two-thirds. And it's like, motherfucker. Like, you have different pricing for Jewish people?

I'm sure. Mazel tov. Is this right? I could pass. Mazel tov. Is this right? I could pass. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. I could get away with that. I'll keep that in mind next time I go to the doctor.

I'll slip in a few. Yeah. A few. Like, oh, you know, Woody, we think your sinuses are clogged. Oy vey. Yeah. Well, maybe not that. Maybe not that ham-handed.

Oy vey, how will I afford bagels? You better just pay full price or you're going to get cancer from that doctor. You're going to get something for being anti-Semitic. Yeah, right. I saw this collection of things. I think maybe it originated on 4chan the other day and it's like really disturbing facts and things that you don't want to know

but it's like in small print on pictures of beautiful women like in their underwear so like if you look in the crack of this girl's ass it's like the water table at Auschwitz is at 18 inches which makes claims of large burning pits used to dispose of the bodies impossible

and you're like uh well I'm not a holocaust denier i was just looking at a butt what the fuck what the fuck and then the next one is like uh you know an african-american man is is is you know they show the statistics of like black uh crime against other races white crime against other races and it's just incredibly disproportionate, the amount of white people that get hurt by black people, even when you count the numbers of them. They're really into attacking white people.

That's what black people like to do, it seems. Much more likely... Assuming 4chan women ass stats are accurate. Well, yeah. That's all I'm referring to is ass statistics from 4chan. I trust them.

What's their agenda? Their step below PKA stats. But yeah, I liked that a lot. That was fun. I scrolled through three of them before I got uncomfortable and turned it off. Really? I don't want to know this stuff.

Did you find one of those? the one about auschwitz for me or is it not interesting enough for us to look i don't think enough because it's a lot of it is like not safe for work because it'll be like you know a naked woman's ass and not just panties but i just thought it was a little so hillary clinton did her basket of deplorables thing, right? And so then they went to measure it, you know, like, hey, let's see if it's true. Are half of Trump's supporters deplorable or not? And then they asked some questions. I don't remember all four, but I remember at least one of them i qualified as deplorable i think i think the question was like are black people more likely to be criminal or something like that and uh i was like man i i feel like i'm on the deplorable side of this answer even though that's not how i think

of myself are they i i feel like the numbers are yeah i think i've seen a lot of research and statistics that would suggest that a black person is much more likely to commit a crime than a white person like like if the question was the very least much more likely to be convicted of a crime than a white person like okay the fact that they're trying to rationalize i'm gonna ask taylor a question and see if he's deplorable or not are black black people less likely to get PhDs than Asian people? Probably. Yeah, fucking obviously. Probably?

You think Asian people get the most PhDs? I don't know if black people get the least. There's always some Native American Indian. A larger portion, yeah, Asian people probably get the most. Yeah, and Indians lump in with asians don't forget that well they're they're they are a clear first place if they have indian people as well all those they are asian people in the medical field all those engineers so it's like man like some of these things i just i feel like when you're trying to define their their deplorableness they're just just... There's some stats here.

It's because they didn't actually want to be like, alright, we're going to have an even-keeled, you know, just reasonable survey and see what they say. No, it was a leading survey, I'm sure. I haven't looked through it, but you don't just write an article called... You know how our presidential candidate

called tens of millions of people deplorable? Instead of condemning that comment, let's look deeper and try and justify it. Like, that's clearly agenda-driven and ridiculous. The fact that so little was made out of the deplorable comment in the mainstream media was kind of ridiculous. Like, imagine if Trump insinuated that half of Hillary's supporters were not just wrong and believed the incorrect thing, but deplorable as people. Their character is messed up. They're bad people. Like, that would never leave the news cycle.

That was so shitty of her to say that half of her opponent's supporters are deplorable. Like, that's beyond the pale shittiness. And it's ridiculous. beyond the pale shittiness and on the district because I know she ended up coming out and redacting it because she even must have realized like you shouldn't be calling half of those deplorable it wasn't working for her right like it I think she went and said you know what I

feel bad I wish I hadn't said that because it was costing her support you know they were loving with it and it I kind of liked the deplorable side with it. I kind of liked the deplorable side of it. All of a sudden, they're like, oh, we're deplorables? They put a shirt on, they get the deplorable hat, they're happy.

It's like calling a gun owner an infidel. You really haven't hurt their feelings at all. They're like, infidel? Shit. I need a patch that says that. That's kind of funny. I need the infidel tattoo in Arabic language. And, you know, you call a gun owner an infidel, and you haven't hurt his feelings one bit, typically.

You know what I hate just as much as the deplorable thing, and, like, her saying it, is all of the, a lot of the alt-right people, like, co-opting it, trying to, like, take it back, where it's like, oh, I'm deplorable Steve, look at my Twitter handle back where it's like, Oh, I'm deplorable. Steve, look at my Twitter handle. And it's like,

you're not anybody who's on the fence when they see that isn't going to be like, wow, he really took back the word deplorable. They're going to be like, no, this guy, like they either won't get it or they will just think that he's an idiot.

Like, I don't, I don't like why try and pull that. Why label yourself as deplorable? Why? I don't know know i thought it was the perfect response in my opinion like when you take back deplorable and suddenly make it like a dig and like i i will like when they call him a liberal you know i will take that pin and i will

wear it with pride because you know that's that's how i feel this set of beliefs you know is good for me suddenly like deplorable takes a new meaning when you take it back i thought it was a clever response i don't think three days right yeah monday i think that's the big day that's that's that's what it's all about boys and girls that's when i think we may very well find out who will be our next president if trump crushes her then that's it i think i think you can start a downward spiral i could put put him over the edge to get those pink states red or whatever he needs to do to make this thing happen. But I really am looking forward to it. I hope he doesn't embarrass himself.

I hope he doesn't look stupid. And I hope it's funny because I'm going to watch every minute of it. Well, I hope it's not funny. I hope it's funny in a good way. I hope he makes a joke at her expense and then says a statistic. Hillary Clinton can't swallow her own lies. One in five American men today

does not have a job. That should be his whole mantra. Boom, bang. It should be a one-two punch every time. Hillary Clinton's an old crazy lady. I'm going to bring employment back to the black community just just boom boom this is that that's that's it that should be his style from now on that's all he should do but he can't get caught in the weeds just just just running off at the

mouth and kind of going everywhere and one minute he's talking about the mexicans and how they're gonna pay for stuff and the next he's talking about bill Clinton. He's got to stay focused. I kind of want to live stream us watching the debates together. What time is it going to be? I don't know. Probably like 8pm Eastern, like a prime time. I'm probably up for that. I've been watching Filthy's

live streams. I've been watching him play a lot of Civ lately. Trying to learn from him. I was telling Chiz this, it's so frustrating to watch Filthy play, because every time I watch, I learn something else. So it's like, I don't feel like I'm ever catching up to him in game knowledge of that game.

He's so fucking good. I did beat it on Deity for the first time by myself this week. So that was fun. That was real good. Congratulations. That is very hard. Yeah. What I like about that difficulty mode is like right below it it says only the best players in the world will beat this difficulty mode i'm like yeah absolutely fucking no problem we beat it in like turn 180 or

something is there a higher level is there a god deity is the top yep about the uh the debate thing i think if trump goes out there and does his stick that he did at like the uh republican debates where it's just like oh lazy hillary or crooked hillary or this that and the other like it's not going to go over well he's going to look like an insecure douche who's desperately trying to cling on and it'll just kind of reinforce what the media is trying to push that hillary's going to win this by a landslide. Like, easy. Easy peasy. But, and also, like, even if he gets a good dig...

I wonder what he's about to say. I don't know. He may not be able to get it out. Even if he gets a good dig, let's finish it. They're not going to give him credit for his clever dig or it's going to be written off as just a trumpism if he gets a good dig and it won't stick in the way that like when reagan got a good dig it changed the course of the debates yeah i that's i don't know there's so much media attention on trump it's gonna get played like they're gonna play it over and played people will see it

and they'll make their own minds up Fox News will give them credit where credit's due whether they like it or not we never talked about Roger Ailes losing his job at Fox News over the sexual harassment stuff I guess he was like make sure you can see your legs in that shot

I think they're making a big mistake here I think Roger Ailes' sexual harassment, if we're going to call it that, has driven Fox News to be the number one in cable. Number one in cable news. Because there's hot chicks on there all the time. It's like pornography. I feel bad that Roger Ailes lost his job,

unless he did something real bad. All I heard that he did was, like, you know, basically encouraging them to show a little skin on the air, but maybe I don't have the whole story there. I wonder if we lost Taylor for... Oh, he's still on Skype. He'll be back.

Yeah. Shit, I don't know. I'm torn. It's like the Super Bowl is going to happen on Monday, but we've talked too much politics over time. That's where we are. Too much football. All they do is talk about football. But the Super Bowl is on Monday. All there's left to do is play the game.

It's coming. It's exciting. Josh was supposed to finally come over yesterday to help me move stuff. We're going to rearrange my basement and clean out my garage and lots of stuff we needed moving, an entire gym's worth of equipment, like six different machines and an air hockey table and lots of boxes. So he picked the time.

He said 11 a.m. So I get up early, get shot. Not early, but I get up before 11. I get showered, and I'm ready at 11. And he doesn't show up. 20 minutes go and i text him where are you he sends me some disjoint disconjointed mess about having to deal with his girlfriend and he's like i'll be there soon so 40 minutes go by and he shows up with his little brother and i work them like slaves like dogs they were he was huffing and puffing and dripping his whole shirt was soaked in sweat

like like his whole shirt was just wet and stuck to him and he got close to having the job done but i think that he was so tired and like lazy that he started doing a bad job at everything so he started making it worse and worse for himself so like the last thing that he needed to do was like hey hey, take that box that has all the components inside of it to a laundry rack and put it in that storage building over there, in that storage room.

So instead of just doing that right away, he tried to combine that with taking trash away. So he throws this garbage on top of it and garbage slime gets all over the box and all the components and so i think they were trying to hide this garbage slime box and tuck it away and he was going too fast and he drops it and everything falls out of it the box explodes and it's nothing

that can get hurt it's metal rods and like plastic things they all fit together to make this rack. But I look at it and I'm like, well, it's all covered in garbage slime. Get the hose. Well, wait a minute. First, finish sweeping so you don't make mud. Then get the hose. Then wash every piece of that. Then put it in that box. Then sit it in the sun.

Like you just created yourself 20 more minutes worth of work. And they did that twice before they left. But by the time they were done, I don't know, maybe four hours of work with all three of us going the whole time we got a lot of shit clean and done um there were so many there were so many uh he's so lazy though his brother outworks him big time his brother's like 15 uh this little redheaded kid and he's like always hustling sweeping and mopping and lifting and josh is like it's like you need oxygen but you went with nicotine instead it's uh it's an interesting choice you went with there you guys once talked about that was selling that house that was on

the radar is that still the case i'm gonna keep the house i'm just gonna pay her off for her part of the house um i'm gonna keep the house i like'm just going to pay her off for her part of the house. I'm going to keep the house. I like it because I think that for what we've got in the house, I think it's worth quite a bit more than that now. I'm not interested in selling. I got so much fucking shit. Just like what we did yesterday,

this organization exercise. I was like, you know what? We got to get a storage building. You've got 18 crates of clothes in here and like you've got enough paintball equipment for an entire team do you have a storage problem or a hoarding problem i have a storage problem kitty kitty might have a small hoarding problem now the things that I hoard are kind of around me now. There's these plastic totes stacked up on a rack over there and over there, and they're full of gun stuff.

And every piece of it is expensive, but it's not like I have so many of them that there can be a drawer for each AR-15 bolt. I've got a whole bunch of AR-15 bolts that I've been given over time or I've purchased or i've got extras and they're you know 80 a piece 200 a piece and like lots of components like that and so it's like all right well let's be better this bucket no i can't sell them i wouldn't do that you never get your you're never gonna get the profit back what i could do is i assemble all the pieces i've got and sell some of that maybe but like I've just got so many components like I'm looking now I've got Every accessory that silencer Co makes for all of their silencers all like a whole pile of Wrenches and and like extender tubes like for my for my shotgun silencer It's not just it'll be 12 inches 8 inches or 6 inches

So there's a whole set of rods for each configuration and a set of tools to make it happen I'm just got stuff that I don't I need to keep but i can't really store efficiently so they're just in totes but she's got she's got clothes that are just from like five years ago in bags and she's got so much she's got a box of totes that's nothing but paintball masks there must be 18 paintball masks in there. And they're all retro and collector's paintball masks, I guess. But we either hang them on a wall or sell them on eBay. She's got a big bag of paintball barrels.

And I'm like, you know, you don't play much paintball anymore. You could probably get by with just the one barrel. There's a lot of stuff. There's the George Carlin routine where he says like this is my stuff this is your shit right your stuff is shit and you know me oh what i i have 32 ar 15 bolts you can't sell those those are keepers all 32 of them but her masks are garbage well mine takes up this much space you know your 15 volts that big you know it's just that thing in particular is that big but you've got like stocks and things that

take more space and i do but i get i get when something's free it's like wow this has 100 percent of its value is mine so it's like i should just keep this in the package and you know it'll be worth more next year i don't really want to sell it. But it's not like I'm collecting old juice boxes. It is a bit of a hoarding mentality, but it could also be viewed as just smart. You know, there's no reason to sell these Glock magazines that I bought in bulk last time there was a gun scare. I should hang on to them and sell them when Hillary wins the election. Sell all my magazines magazines i got a box of uh 32 or uh 32 round glock magazines just a big pile of this big they're they're worth i think i paid

like 20 bucks a piece but during gun scare times they're worth 50 to 100 each so maybe i'll do that sell some high capacity stuff when that comes around but that's only going to clear like two totes worth of space i'm talking about she's got like 18 totes worth of like i don't even know what this shit is it's like you go through and it's like 18 20 hoodies in a box and it's like what are all these hoodies for i've got interesting topic i might ask the subs for help with In this box is a pair of Xeon 2687, or V or W 2687, something like that. They were originally $2,000 CPUs. They run at 3.2 gigahertz and scale up to, I think, 3.8 during turbo. And I think they're eight cores each.

They might be 10. You'd have to look it up, 2687. And it's not the most recent one. I think it's the version one, but I'm not even sure about that. It might be two. But I'm thinking of making a PC out of it. The one I have has proven to be unreliable. It crashes too often while I'm editing and I lose some work and that's so frustrating for me. And then this is a weird thing that the taskbar disappears half the time it wakes up from sleep. And I have to do control escape to make it show and then put it somewhere else.

If I had it at the bottom, now it goes at the top. Now it goes on the left. It's on the left right now. I don't want it on the left. That's never my choice. But that's where it is because the other ones it broke on the top it broke on the bottom now i'm on choice three left fuck it right so i'm like you know what i want a new pc i think this might make for a good rendering machine now i've read that premiere pro doesn't work too well past after six or eight cores but i do other shit while i render and i don't know i'm just thinking about it so what would you guys do if you had a pair,

this is the listener, of 2687 Xeon CPUs? Would you put together a dual CPU workstation? I'm thinking about it. Yeah. They're like four grand. Probably not now because the other few years... Well, you got a big part of that

four grand already. I mean, that's what they would cost. That's what I'm'm saying and oh i thought you already had them right there in that box i do i do i guess that's what i'm saying so yeah and then the other stuff is a little more like ecc ram is a bit more expensive and a you know a dual xeon motherboard is a bit more expensive but mostly you know it wouldn't be too much i don't think i'm thinking about the game i think they'll game fine i think the games in general are not cpu limited so you just put in a high-end gpu and you're okay i think um and then uh oh the other neat thing at&t was out front today and i got a note about it from that homeowners association president guy. They're installing fiber optic in my neighborhood right now. He says it'll be like another month,

but I guess in response to Google choosing this area as a place to lay fiber, AT&T has stepped up their fiber game, and they're out there with the big rolls today laying out fiber in my front yard. Nice. So, yeah. I was joking with Ch with chiz well half joking with chiz i was like would it be insane if i got an apartment to stream video games from like like would that be insane a little crazy i feel like you haven't had a quote yet like get a quote. Like, that's the thing.

I remember I... I know what it would be. I know exactly what it would be. Well, yeah, what's the plan? Give the rundown. All right, you know, go to Athens, or somewhere between here and Athens, Georgia, and get a one-bedroom, very shitty apartment

in an area that has high-speed internet. So, you know, the apartment's going to cost $600 a month and the the internet's going to be another let's just call it 100 and make it a round number so we're talking about 700 a month but i don't know i i really like playing civ that's very conducive to streaming and then the modern warfare remastered is about to come out i know i'm going to put time into it i'm going to put a bunch of time into it so just a thought i I had. I feel like the commute to my gaming apartment and then like, well, I guess I'll leave all my gaming gear here in Athens and go back to my house. Like I don't like any of that. Like all of those things are just – because it's a drive.

It's not like a casual thing. It's 45 minutes or something. You'd be going to the office. I feel like if I was in your situation, I'd be calling the ISPs, the one you have, maybe some of the other ones, or cable modems in your area somewhere. And when I went, I called Time Warner. And I'm like, I need service in my area. And they look up my address and stuff and say, oh, sorry, we don't go there. And I'm like, look.

I looked at your map. I entered neighbors' addresses and stuff and say, oh, sorry, we don't go there. And I'm like, look, I looked at your map. I entered neighbors' addresses and stuff, and I get that you don't serve my house, but you serve houses not too far from mine. What does it cost to bring it? And they're like, well, we just don't, it's not available there. I'm like, I know, but money solves this.

And she's like, oh, well, I would have to put you in contact with construction. Why was that weird in the first place like you know and uh i saw a reddit post today and it was like what was the most expensive um or the most extravagant use of money you've ever seen someone do and i think like the number one comment was this guy who was like this guy wanted high speed internet at his place way off the grid i don't remember if it was six figures or seven figures, but it was a lot of money for him to get that internet connection. Mine was a lot less. So it started at – I want to say it was high 12s, like $12,600 or something like that. And I was prepared to pay that mostly because like, look, I was buying a house.

The house is expensive and you just add like $12,000 to the cost of the house and see if you still want it. And I was like, yeah, for that much, it's not a deal breaker, you know. But not having internet at all was a deal breaker. The house was just unacceptable otherwise. But then what happened was they asked me to – I hated it, but they asked me to go door-to-door and, like, sell it to my neighbors. But it was an easy sale. It was an easy sale because each of them had like two up and no, I'm sorry,

like two down and point two up like AT&T phone shit. And to them, like I'm not a dickhead salesman. I'm like a hero. That's finally bringing high speed internet to the area. So most of them signed up and my cost went from like 12 something to four something if I recall and it might have even been three something so uh that's what it was anyway I asked myself like you know if you're thinking about like an apartment even casually like let's let's get a quote like call

construction what does it take to get real internet here I I know it's a possibility. I just need a quote. And if that quote comes in at like 30 grand, you might be like, you know, maybe. I think I've got two internet providers near me. And one of them is in a lawsuit for not providing the covers they promised. And the other one should be. You know what I mean? So you'd be getting in with a shitty partnership, right? If it was Google.

I think I will call them. Because here's the thing, and I'm not a thousand percent sure on this, but I've been told this, and I need to dig a little deeper. It's been a few years since I've really fucking like, all right, hey, come on, help me, help me. No, no, really help me.

And I've actually gotten to them i threatened them a couple years ago and they sorted things out but it's it's kind of stagnated since then no improvement i think the school near me has high speed internet so if it could be ran from there right um i don't know how much it costs to run that line but if it's ten thousand dollars a mile let's cause it call it are there telephone poles across your front yard like you know there's a there's obviously a road with a yellow line in front of the house does that have telephone poles on it no but it comes to my house from the back part of the property coming from a another area and so does the internet it's coming from the back part of the property coming from another area, and so does the internet.

It's coming from the back part of the property as well. It's not coming from the road, so you'd have to get it down the road to the address and then up the driveway. It's not a matter of just getting down the driveway. It is ridiculous that you, of all people, who makes their living on the internet can't get

a half-fucking-decent connection, and it's been, what, seven years? I only ask because if it goes by telephone pole, it's a little cheaper per foot than if it goes underground. That would be nice. I saw Linus Tech Tip the other day. I think it was him who was talking about this thing that combines two internet lines into one.

Sure. That seemed pretty interesting. He'd been using it for a month and said it was great. So that's definitely a consideration. I mean, what I've got now is just, okay, it's right on the cusp of being stream-worthy. So if I could double it, it's like, all right, I'm here. Or if I could even add 60%, 70% to it.

But I think that would be fun to stream Civ because there's so much going on in that game that most of the time i wish i had another an extra pair of air uh extra pair of eyes just to like watch and like if i could look at the chat and play along with them i think that'd be fun yeah i want to do a 1v1 you verse me so i can so i can figure it out and get a little better because playing against ai does not get you better because they are i've never set a difficulty to the way it has difficulties is like there's like seven options where it's like pauper

serf prince king uh whatever whatever whatever prince king emperor immortal uh deity okay and so i've never played usually most games like you go to very hard which in this is like immortal or something or um king i don't remember and it's like okay that's this is really tough like this is hard this game it it almost feels lazy the way they do the ai it's like oh well we're not going to make the ai any smarter really or better we're just going to give them more resources and so then they can have a lot of spearmen that will die before your riflemen in late ages instead of having like two spearmen that dive to your riflemen like it just i don't like that at all i wish that they added some kind of like better tactics they start more difficult text too like you know like as you're working your way up

the tech tree it's like what like you were born with nukes you know you just knew how to do that somehow yeah they give them an advantage in every component of the game to the part where it's really hard like like beating it the other day was i was on defense pretty much the whole game like i would see i would see england start coming toward my borders like they're gonna declare war and i'd be like oh shit they're coming and i'd quickly like evaluate my resources and i'd start talking to the queen of england and be like hey what could i pay you to instead declare war on this guy and sometimes i'd have to give her like two luxury resources and a bunch of gold but she'd do it and that would buy me time to like tech away and tech away and then I would see like Rome coming

and doing the same thing and I would pay them off to go fight somebody so everybody else is fighting their own wars and I was just kind of paying for them to happen so they'd leave me alone but that's it I don't know how else you beat D.Va. You can pay people to go fight so the only option I've seen is shall we declare war

on whatever? Yeah you want to go into trade options? And they always say no. Nobody's ever down with it. I'm always like, hey, shall we declare war on Genghis Khan? And they're like, oh, give me 10 turns. I'll be ready in 10 turns, and I'll get back to you. I wasn't good at counting turns the first couple times I played the game.

And so I'd be like 30 turns later, and I'm like, Nebuchadnezzar, you son of a bitch. It's been like 28 turns and you did not get back to me and so i go and ask him again hey nebuchadnezzar are you ready to declare war on the incan priest of south america give me 10 turns and i was like this is bullshit so i just started the war and then he had to join yeah uh dealing with the ai through the trade thing is like a bunch of rules you got to remember like you can sell your embassy to it you can sell your horses and iron to it for quite a bit you can once you have a friendship with them you can sell for instead of gold per turn you can sell for lump sums of gold which is cool because what you can do if you're about to declare war on england you can be like hey what

will you pay me in a lump sum for everything i have and they'll be like ah two thousand gold you'd be like kink you take their two thousand gold. And you'll be like, k-kink! You take their 2,000 gold, and then you declare war on them. So you take all your resources right back and keep their gold. You can ask people what they will pay you to declare war on somebody, because sometimes they hate that person, and they'll pay you

to declare war you were already going to start. So playing the AI is a big part of winning on the higher difficulties. Yeah, it'll be a lot more helpful to play 1v1 with someone. It won't be fun, really, probably, because I'll just lose. But as long as you're not giving me bad tips the whole time, like, oh yeah, you're going to want to just put everything into marble work. Forget about those citrus plants and that spices.

You are a marble work. Forget about those citrus plants and that spices. You are a marble folk. The Huns. Made of marble, they used to say. Just giving me bad tips. But yeah, it'll be fun. Yeah, we should definitely do that. I can't play tonight, but maybe this weekend for sure. I love that game so much.

And the new one's about to come out and I'm not going to know shit. It's going to be a fun weekend of content with maybe some Civ, the debates. That's Monday, but close enough. And then World Cup of Hockey

is this weekend. I think Canada and Russia are playing. I'm confused because I just saw North America beat Sweden in overtime or something. How is there a North American team when there's also a Canadian team? Team North America are people from the US and Canada, 23 and under, who didn't make their team.

So there were so many good young players that they were like, well, how about we just make a Team North america for all the best americans and the best canadians and we'll see how these 23 year olds do against like actually team russia or team sweden or they're doing okay yeah they're doing pretty i mean they lost to russia today i think um or maybe they were playing sweet i don't know i know know that Finland, very poor showing. Expected a little more from the Finns. Sweden doing pretty solid.

And Russia started off weak, and now they're doing better. Because Big T scored a goal today for them. I think we should call him Sweet T. He's a finesse player. Sweet T? Yeah. Sweet T, that's better. Done.

Yeah, so Sweet T had a good goal. It has been decided. Yeah, and Team USA is already out. That's better. Done. Yeah, so Sweet Tea has a good goal. It has been decided. Yeah, and Team USA is already out. Already got eliminated. But North America's still in. The children are in. North America's still in, because Team North America, with all those Canadians and Americans, 23 and under, is better than Team USA,

where they apparently just had a monkey throwing feces and bananas at a chart with all the pictures of American hockey players on it, and they just picked the ones with shit on the face and added them to the team, because there were a couple better people they could have had. But anyway, sorry. Nobody cares. Yes, we should be talking about paramotors. Yes, of course. Before we wrap, I'm very excited.

My paramotor helmet now allows me to do live com fly and talk to people at the same time so uh i think that will make that style of video much better than it was before very nice i thought so for a while i've always wanted to hear you and like you know i want to hear if your voice is a little shaky if you're feeling good if you think something's funny up there i want to know what's going through your head as you buzz the skies right i want to like see a, watch children play baseball from the sky. Anyway. Call it a wrap?

Yeah. All right. Painkiller already, episode 301. I'm really curious as to how people react to the first hour. Be sure to check out our sponsors. Links in the descriptions. And have a good night.