Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #302

Episode Date: October 6, 2016

This week on PKA, Daym Drops is back! They talk about Trump's latest with Miss Universe, what exactly is a "back burger" and reminiscing about old TV shows.

Hey, episode 302. We're live. Kyle. A couple sponsors tonight. Me, Undies, and Casper. We'll talk more about each of those later on in the show. For now, links down in the description. But yeah, let's get into it. Got our returning guest, Damn Drops. What's going on, people? What's going on is you got re-signed by Rachel Ray!

And you're still coming on the show! I feel like, by proxy, we're a bigger deal than we used to be For YouTube content creators We just we've come a long way in general and the outside world is starting to respect Put some respect on our name basically it took a while, but we've arrived Dude, I saw this um Maybe I'm wired badly or something but Harley was up

on some stage in front of YouTubers right and like a top YouTubers were invited so they're in the audience it was some sort of award ceremony Harley takes the mic and he's like listen here everyone in this audience is a millionaire so you better give them

the respect they deserve right and then the camera like zeroes in on Captain Sparkles and a couple other guys and I'm like yeah dude I just watched the news story on the house Captain Sparkles bought he is a millionaire and yeah it like I'm like yeah you know what like a bit most of that audience is, respect or not, YouTube star, that audience was rolling in dough. You've got to figure the way the platform is actually set up. So based on Hollywood's A-list platform, you have that top tier percentage of YouTube content creators

that have destroyed that million dollar wall I'm nowhere near the wall I'm still down here hustling bullshit streets it's funny the way things work out because based on what it is that you're doing on your channel YouTube will actually select you to be part of things pro YouTube but you have to have your own niche going on your own pocket to be selected other than that you have to have X amount of subscribers and your daddy got to be Trump you know have you ever been selected for like YouTube does stuff like year in review and stuff and and at my peak i used to think like oh i maybe could have made this cut if i wasn't in gaming did did you ever like do

any of those youtube year like year in review type things or we always we always just kind of try to stay under the radar so they don't threaten to delete my channel anymore you know like they get i've had like two or three things with google and youtube where like they just completely misunderstand the the gun thing um there was the time when they thought that i had an annotation and the annotation read you know something like when this gets like 10 more thousand likes i'm gonna upload an aa12 video and that was all the annotations said. And Google saw that and they thought that meant that when this got 10,000 more likes

that I was going to do an AA-12 giveaway where I gave away $22,000 fully automatic assault shotguns to random people on the internet. Everyone take... That's a good way to clean your channel. Oh, yeah. I definitely would if you paid $22,000 a like and gave away an illegal machine gun at the same time every time.

And so when you get that phone call at like 2 in the morning where they're threatening to delete and you're having to be like, wait a minute. I'm having a phone conversation with someone who thinks that that's a plausible thing and who has the power to delete my YouTube

channel. This is a real problem right now. We've got to start slow. We've got to start at the beginning. Like, alright, wait a minute. They don't understand the facts at all and they're very, very opinionated on it, which is a dangerous combo of like, you're going to give Eshox-Einstein likes?

No, no, no, no, no. Don't delete the way I make my living. They have for a very long time imposed rules on me that they don't impose on other people. So, no, I don't get invited to any special insider YouTuber parties or anything, if that's what you're asking. I was so low on the totem pole of machinima when I was there that I never got any actual benefits. I remember getting all the fucking emails in like 2010, 2011 where they're like, oh, we're going to, you know, we're starting a new machinima thing where, you know, we're going to let your channel like other videos in our network. And that'll, you know, internally promote our self-sustaining economy or whatever, like the email said. And it was like oh okay that's kind of neat so maybe i'll upload a video one day and fps russia will have liked it and woody's

gamertag and cnanners will have liked it not a once not a once did i receive a like from someone's videos but every three hours i would see a little notification on my phone of you have liked someone's fucking uh dead space parody no, I didn't. I didn't watch that. But I liked huge swaths of the same videos, and they God, I hated that so much, because it was just a way to get all, like, the 100,000 subscribers people

in my area to basically give free promotion to the Woody-level people. And, well, at the time, it was even higher up. So, what they were promoting was things that they put money into that's not even true they promoted me twice um in the whole life of the thing um what they were promoting mostly was like that mortal kombat series that they spent like millions of dollars on that halo that halo uh like live action thing that they spent millions

of dollars on um they so yeah the the things of mine that they spent millions of dollars on. So yeah, the things of mine that they pushed, though, were like, I don't know, they were $15,000. I'm trying to think of the exact one that we pushed. Something really fucking cool. It deserved being fucking pushed. I reached out to them twice. Two or three times, but at least twice to try to get a video promoted. And the bulk of my videos were videos I made that day and then uploaded commentary, etc.

But the ones I wanted pushed, both of them I think were music videos. I would hire TryHardNinja. I would write the lyrics, I would choose the song, and then TryHardNinja would sing it, and he would hire a band based on the budget that I gave him, and they would perform the music. it was all like apparently that was the way to beat copyright if you use their instrumental you're screwed but if you perform the whole song yourself then then you have a right to it which is why shucks you is still on my channel and um uh and then i would reach out to machinima and ask for the push and it was always no it was always like they needed weeks in advance of notice and like consternation and thinking and and uh that's a lie right yeah because they because you told me they would push you just call them up like you'd call you pick up the red phone what i said what i said was how i made it it's my story i'll tell it like i want to i'll make it up as i'm so damn

well what happened was that aaron was at house, the guy who owns Mishima, and we've got my computer there, and I'm like, look at what I just did. Ben Stiller called me on the phone the other day and wanted to find out who I was and thought I was funny. He put me in touch with his production company, and I worked with him to promote their movie and made this flamethrower video. Check it out. And he was like, that's a big deal. We should push this. company and I work with them to promote their movie and made this flamethrower video check it out and he was like that's a big deal we should push this and I was like I think so too I agree

push it and like we click refresh and it goes boom like like not that the video exploded or anything because it wasn't even upload or yeah I guess it was uploaded at that point not the video exploded because it was already like doing super, but every other channel liked it instantly and favorited it. See, in the Machinima world, you and Sea Nanners and Captain Sparkles, have you ever seen a resort in Jamaica where it has that hard line of corrugated tin roofs and then a wall and then gigantic palatial estates where people are enjoying vacation? In the world of Machinima, it was always like, oh, I can almost see Kyle on his balcony from here in my little shit shack in my corner of Machinima. And I even wondered, I was wondering, is anybody from Machinima keeping tabs on me at all?

Because they sent out an email and it was like, we are now requiring all partners to put the machinima intro and machinima outro on all our videos and i was like yeah i'm not gonna do any of that i'm gonna see how long it takes them to come to me and say hey we noticed that you haven't been doing this and it's been six years and i have not done it and yeah i was one of the there you go i was one of the special i don't i don't feel like so so we i know we for and I have not done it. Yeah. I didn't get anything special. I don't feel like... I know we for sure pushed that Flamethrower video, and maybe one other, but I don't remember. But other than that,

there was no fun relationship. Hutch had this relationship with Mishima, because he worked there, obviously, where everybody there seemed to love him, and it all was hunky-dory i think woody was on the opposite end of the spectrum of that we're like throwing like no no so there was a time when i was very much like it one of machinima's most important partners so like like i met with you know aaron deb while we went out to

lunch and stuff and like a lot of the things I wanted contract-wise started happening. When everyone got those raises and such, that was because me and a few other guys were getting offers from outside of Machinima and they raised the contract. They talked about having variable rates, but we made the flat rate something because I was like, you know, I've got a family. I've got like a mortgage.

I've got this. I've got that. I really need predictability in my payment. I want to be looking at the views I made this month and then just run the math and know what my check will be this month. That means a lot to me. You know, what we had in the past, which was, I don't know how the freaking stuff was calculated and you didn't know what was mobile and this and that.

And I was like, I need predictability in payment. And they like, they wrote that down and then they gave it to me. And I talked to him about, like, I forget. I think C. Nanners made a video on how he was embarrassed to be in this community of money-grabbing whores or something close to that. And I was like, I don't really like that. I felt like it was pointed at me, you know, because some of the things he was mentioning, like daily uploads, you know, that's me. And they're like, you know what? Actually, at this point you get four times as many views as CNN does.

You're a lot more important to us than he is. I'm sure that situation's changed, but that's what they said at lunch. I was one of their more viewed partners. Top five, top ten or something. They had a special program that gave... Everyone else, when they needed support from Machinimaima went through these channels and then they had one for like 10 people and i was one of that like i had a special access line but okay i thought there

was a time when they were like throwing darts at you at the staff level like so that's the ownership level like giving me access to programs giving me like the contracts and i guess the stuff that really mattered. I walked the Machinima offices, and someone had literally photoshopped my face on Benedict Arnold's body and hung it on their cube. Yeah. I'm like, what the fuck is this? I feel like Woody got a raise,

and the people up there lost their party bonus or something like that. They couldn't have birthday parties anymore. No more fucking Keurig machine in the break room. Alright, they're wheeling it out. This is Woody's Gamer Tag. You see our cappuccino machine walking out the door? That's Woody's Gamer Tag. So when his shit comes in here, you know what

to do. And the whole room chants, throw it in the trash! Everybody got it. When was that breaking point with you with with machinima see with a lot of creators myself included even being with maker and as i'm about to freely walk up out of that contract deal as it comes to a close next month oh lord jesus you you know the time when a partner took care of you the best but then came that breaking month where nothing happened every single week after that breaking month. Do you remember that time?

For me, I never needed a lot of care. I just wanted a paycheck. That was all they did. In my mind, their job was to monetize my videos, and if they brought any branded integration deals or something to the plate, then yay. But then I guess Machishuna ran into financial trouble and they redid nearly everybody's contract. And that was it.

So they came to me and they wanted to give me some sort of giant pay cut. So I was like, oh, well, I'll go to someplace that wants to give me a pay raise instead. And that's how that went down. I think I am still on that perpetuity contract because I just never revisit it and I don't upload enough to make it matter one bit

I could write a book about what it took to get away from Mission Animal it was just this years long battle where they would send us a contract and we would be like no we will not sign that contract fix these things and then they would send us a contract and we would be like no we will not sign that contract fix these things and then they would send the same fucking contract back and we'd be like ditto and you think that like well how many times could that happen like twice right before someone

like blows a gasket but no i didn't give a fuck i was like just keep doing it i'll stay on the same money but you're not gonna pay me less you're not going to pay me less. You're not going to pay me more. And you're going to let me out of this and that. Or I'm not going to sign a new contract. And years went by. And lawyers were involved. And there was finally some big buyout. It was a real mess.

You've had a rougher time on YouTube than the overwhelming majority of people. Maybe just because of the content that you create. Like guns, more people are willing to come after you and hold you to a strict standard. Yeah, I just think I have bad luck. I stubbed my toe twice today. It was bleeding. Same time. It's just bad luck.

So what happened with Makers? If there was never a YouTube, what would you be doing today? What do you think? We'd all probably be Vimeo partners. For me, it's really clear. I had kind of an established career path as my YouTube channel was taking off. I worked at Cisco for like 13 years.

I would either be a manager or some sort of technical leader in Cisco's IP department, probably. Yeah, they liked me a lot there. Probably not anymore because I've talked some shit since then. But by and large, yeah, it was a good experience there. I don't know what I would have done. I'd have probably started some sort of a business. That was kind of my idea anyway. I liked the idea of money making money.

And I kind of transitioned to that mindset anyway. Okay. I still would have found my way into the business world somehow, because this is not my... Unlike Kyle and Woody, I never made YouTube a full-time gig.

Like, it was... You were a student, too, though. Yeah, I was a student at the time. When were always more just yeah i was a student at the time like when i was actually uploading i was a student so my job at the time was to do well in school and then whatever other jobs i was doing but have you considered like what if i had just dropped every ounce of school work and and put everything that was in me into youtube could i be captain sparkles or could i, you know, could I have made that be my thing?

I don't know what CaptainSparklez does. I don't either. Well, he does, I do know he does Minecraft. He's a Minecraft channel, I think. And I remember talking to him, I was in a chat with, in like 2011, with All Sham No Wow, CaptainSparklezles and Sea Nanners. And it was right when Captain Sparkles switched his name to Captain Sparkles because I guess it was some bet he had with Sea Nanners.

And he did that. The story I hear is it was advice. His original name was Pros Don't Talk Shit, if I recall. Yes, I forgot about that. Yeah, and Sea Nanners said that, he's like, you know, if you want to be really popular, you should get into Minecraft and you should change your name to something. He might have said CaptainSparklez in particular, or he might have just said, you know, make this thing G, G-rated.

Yeah, I really just, like, I could tell once CaptainSparklez got going on that new channel that he would get big because he has the personality. It's very difficult to dislike that guy. He's just a genuinely friendly, easy to listen to dude. But, uh, I don't know. I have a very different personality from him. So I don't think I could have started a successful Minecraft channel and had anybody get... Because I would have played maybe

three hours of Minecraft and been like, oh my god, how many months can I stretch this video? Because I do not want to hop back in and play this silly little fake Lego game. Um, I don't think I could have made it a full-time thing. I'm not good enough at editing. I don't think CaptainSparklez likes me. So we went to this COD XP thing.

And I was at my peak. I was like one of the top 50 most viewed and growing channels at YouTube at the time. I used to go to vidstats and we had these channel rankings. And I was always, like, the 58th fastest growing channel or something like that. So this is me, or 68th, anyway. It doesn't matter.

This is me, like, at my prime. And I saw CaptainSparklez, and he was just releasing his first animated Minecraft videos, right? So they would be music and stuff. And I was so impressed with his work. Like, those were amazing videos amazing videos and i was like dude that's incredible that's this that's that and uh and i was doing songs on the same level

but i wasn't doing the animation type stuff i think he went to school for it and i was kind of like prying his head like hey what does it take to get this done like how do you do it and do you do it all yourself do you hire other people and he was just kind of like yeah you know like some people are good at some stuff and some people just don't know how to do it i'm like oh well fuck you know like all right then you don't know you just don't know yeah i was like all right so i get like okay i guess you don't want to be friends and um then i saw i guess you don't want to be i think it was more likely that he's like fuck i'm just starting this series up and now this other giant youtuber is like hey can you uh give me the secret sauce to that success you're having right now and he's like oh you know i just i just

happen to be a real good animator so good luck to you i'm not sending you my guys. I saw him more recently. Call it like 2013 or 14. I'm not sure. But we're both in like this VIP room at the Minecraft. There's a conference they do every year called MineCon. And amongst Minecraft people, this is like the biggest, craziest thing. And I'm speaking on a panel about how to make servers successful. And he's speaking on a panel too how to make servers successful and he's speaking on a panel too i don't know what his panel was about probably about being a famous youtuber

and uh so we're both in like the vip room in the background like i don't know doing shit getting food or something and i saw him there and recognized him and and tried to like strike up a conversation and um he kind of just big-timed me like like you know i'm like hey jordan how you doing like yeah you know congratulations on your youtube channel he's like oh yeah it just like killed it so i was like well i'm not gonna be some fucking hanger on who like you know can i have a selfie or something and uh i just let him keep doing what he was doing and that was my interaction with captain sparkles but it might handle those situations like we're gonna get big-time if you just say hi and they go huh and you go all right

we'll see you but if you go like what are you up to now like what are you doing like the F follow-up question then they can that's good they're big time give me those tips on animation now here's still want to know. Here's my business card. Take your time. Get back to me. I'm not mad at him. I'm really not. But it was just like,

oh, I guess you still don't like me. What can you do? I guess that's just where we are. Your mistake was getting successful enough to be relevant. The best way to do that is just stay in that z league where nobody cares you don't you can pick on anyone on your channel and even like a bully channel that like picks on content is even if they see it and they hate it they're not going to be like why yeah i'm going to assault this guy this guy that nobody will

understand about like i really do look like a bully if I do this. It's a sweet spot. Real sweet spot where I am. Z-level celeb. Okay. That's what I tell myself. That's a little new shit right there. You know what I'm saying?

Z-level celebrity. You got to, yeah. Put that one in the books. Yeah. Let's do something a little crazy. Give the 20-year-old you advice. Oh, that's good. That's good.

Start working out again. I tell him, or I guess, no, if this is 20-year-old me, keep working out. Don't stop. And always be conscious of liquid calories. Okay, okay. That's what you do. Okay. 20-year-old Woody had already fucked up quite a bit.

How far do we have to go back? Yeah. I mean, freshman in high school would help a lot. So, Dan, you don't know, but I got terrible, terrible, awful, terrible grades in high school. I graduated high school with a 1.98 GPA, right? It's below a C. And that means I got as many Ds as I did Bs. But with an F mixed in here and there.

It was terrible. They beat me, but that was earlier. By high school, we had changed up the process. Nothing worked. I was an awful person. And anyway, so by the time I was 20, I was like working during the day, going to college at night

and really just digging myself out of this hole. I ended up, I'm talking about this too much, but I ended up with two bachelor's degrees and one master's. And I went to school for like 12 or 13 years at night when I could have had this really glorious, bachelor's degrees and one master's and i went to school for like 12 or 13 years at night when i could have had this really glorious what i call day cool experience a day school experience where like yeah you go to classes in the day you keep up on your studies there's parties every friday

every saturday there's girls people are having like fuck buddies um like that that just wasn't to me college experience it sounds to me when i think about it um that you had the same sort of schooling experience that a really underprivileged person would have um and i think and you laugh but you know it's true and i think that is why whenever it comes up that some guy like couldn't pull himself up by the bootstraps and get himself out of a bad neighborhood that you're like, I did what he would have had to do to get out of there and I did it.

All that night school and working the extra jobs and stuff, these are the things that 17-year-old moms have to do to get their nursing certificate. They're not the sort of things that a white guy whose dad has money has to do to get their nursing certificate. They're not the sort of things that a white guy whose dad has money has to do.

I paid for my own school. You are the only white man whose father is in that same league who has ever had to do this. It's like a Rodney Dangerfield movie where they punish the kid and make him do it for one week, and that's the whole comedy.

And at the end of it, he's like, hey, kid, I was just messing with you. Here you go. But no, it just went on for 12 years. It just kept going. So if I had not fucked up in high school, then my whole college experience would have been four years. It would have been fun. It would have been this great time.

I would have slipped into the workplace in a different way. It might have fast-forwarded my career. I don't know because it had started at 22 instead of having my degree at like 28. I'm going to mess up my years a bit. But yeah, like that I think was – 20-year-old Woody already was getting his shit together. He was just in a big hole from 16 year old woody so you'd have to give yeah 15 year old woody advice to correct it he wouldn't listen no that guy was stupid you were all about kissing bitches yeah like that's a good question that you

asked uh about giving your past self advice but imagine actually trying to give like 13 14 year old you advice 13 14 year old me is not gonna put up with the shit that 25 26 year old me is saying what do you even know like you turned out okay i'm gonna do whatever i did like that dude i watched a taylor video yeah do it it was linked recently. It's an America Durker video. I'm sorry, Kyle, if you want to talk about your former self. But you were talking about how the police raided a house and you had a party inside. Do you know this video? Okay.

So it was linked somewhere recently. And I was like, all right, all right. I want to watch it. Are you familiar with the I am very smart subreddit? Yes. No? Kyle is. watch it are you familiar with the i am very smart subreddit yes no kyle is so it's people who talk about i've heard of the one how intelligent i'm 14 and i'm smart or something and this is deep yeah yeah this is i'm very smart and and typically it's someone who is um very proud of their own iq or something that they know or. So I'm watching your video and it's just filled with like, I cannot believe

the police dared. Oh, I was indignant. Even though, even though I'm fully aware of my Fourth Amendment rights against search and seizure, they still managed to pull this atrocity against a man like me, as educated and worldly and competent.

And as white. Yes. And obviously. Of course. You always go back and especially old YouTube videos. Like, like I'll watch one that I did like when I first started and it's not, well,

those ones, it's not the content as much. It's just listening to the cadence of the, of my voice and like my, my tenor and the way that I'm speaking, how tinny and awful the audio is. That hasn't changed, but going back and listening to that, I can hardly do it. Like my first 25, 30, probably the first 50% of videos that I've uploaded, if I try and

go back and watch, I'm just like, man, this is just stupid garbage. Like why did I listen to this and be like, this is a good Nazi zombie video. People will care. Like, people will like this. Like, no. Some of those are definitely stupid. At some point in this video, and you're like, you better believe I'll be pressing charges against the, whatever, like, county

police of Wallapalooza. I don't think I would have said I was. Maybe I did say it. No, she definitely said you were going to sue. Oh, I'm sure that I said, you know, I'll have to go back and re-listen to that to know what is actually true on it. Because all the stuff that I said about the actual engagement with it, it was true. I guarantee there was totally pseudo-law stupid shit I was saying as well. Because that's just the nature of being young and i'm not way older now but you definitely gain perspective when you have to go out on your

own start paying taxes and living and get a job and do your own shit and then you very quickly are like oh okay i'm not some kid who cops are like fuck this guy it like, that's just a guy at work who's like, goddammit, bunch of noise. We've been called five times about these. All these goddamn kids making huge amounts of noise, drinking, doing drugs, whatever they're doing there. I have to go bust it up. Not gonna be fun.

It's definitely true. You gain perspective. I have a police story that happened today. Did you win? It went well i was thankful um so uh so what happened was i'm getting in trouble for telling this but here we go so put some mirrors on that computer hope was driving to school this morning she drives herself now it's been a couple weeks. And she has like 500 miles since she started driving solo, but still a new driver, right? And that's a lot, but it's nothing compared to like us, for example. And she didn't even know this part of it, but she was making a

right on red and the policeman had a protected left and he stopped short so that she didn't hit him. She was completely unaware that that had gone down because she's a new driver and her situational awareness is still developing. Okay, cool. So on that note, the policeman follows her. And when I talked to him, he said his intention was just to say, hey, like your situational awareness is not on yet. At these intersections and stuff, you almost hit me. But he's following her, and he turns the lights and sirens on and follows her. She doesn't know. She thinks maybe he's after someone else.

She didn't notice him. There are criminals about! Yeah. So, I know where this happened, and I think he followed her for about a mile. And she's, sirens go in, lights go in the whole nine yards. It's a slow speed chase.

Yeah. And she, and she said that for the last 15 seconds or so, she knew he was there and that he was after her, but that she didn't know where to pull over. Now this is 830 AM. And while the road has no shoulders uh it is lined with um like parking lots and like banks and strip malls and stuff like that so so anyone on this call would have been like oh i'm gonna pull into the 7-eleven or

something and we'll work it out but to her it's like i don't have a shoulder. What am I up to? So she's headed into school. And thankfully, her school has a deputy that directs traffic. Because the kids have to make a left in front of two lanes of traffic. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Did she continue the slow speed chase all the way to fucking school? That's real. It was about a mile or so. It happened near school.

That's quite the distance. Yeah, yeah. So the slow speed chase, it happens near school. Bro, that's quite the distance. Yeah, yeah. So the slow speed chase, it happens to school. And then as she's making a left, there's a deputy that kind of works as a traffic guard. And side note, love that because these are all brand new drivers making a left across two lanes of the busy road. There's a deputy that's like, you guys slow down. You guys go. That way these kids don't hurt themselves as they learn to drive.

That way these kids don't hurt themselves as they learn to drive. So back on topic. He sees a policeman with the sirens going and the lights on chasing my daughter at like four miles an hour, one mile an hour as she's making a left into school. And the deputy who's doing the traffic is like, you, you are being followed by a policeman. You need to pull over here. So she did. And that's when they worked it out. And the cop comes over.

And, you know, I guess either she wasn't in clear mind to hear him or he didn't explain it. But she, like, when I talked to her after the whole thing, she still had no idea why he was following her. Like, what she did to gather his attention in the first place. And the ticket, I'm going to get the wording of it wrong, but it was like failing to pull over for an emergency vehicle or something like that. And the policeman gave her her card and said, have your parents call me. So I called him up and first we talked to Hope and she was very upset. I'm looking for the right words. She was crying. She was distraught.

Hysterical, I think is a better word. That's even worse. Yeah. I was trying to give her an out. Yeah, no. And like I was like, as I'm talking to her on the phone i'm like i hope she's in her parking spot because i don't want her even driving a hundred yards at this you know like now there's another guy following me his lights run too and um yeah so she's uh so she's really

not the best version of her and it's like this is gonna be okay you know like if she had done some bad kid offense i would have you know would have handled it very like, this is going to be okay. You know, like, if she had done some bad kid offense, I would have handled it very differently. But this was a mistake that can happen with a good heart. Exactly, yeah. And it's like, you know, whatever. We'll pay the ticket. We'll move on. Everything is going to be okay.

And I talked to the policeman,, I wasn't mad or anything. In my head, I was like, seek first to understand, then to be understood, right? That was the mindset I had. So I called him and I was like, I talked to my daughter. There's a whole bunch of things we don't understand about what went down. Can you bring me up to speed and uh i talked to the policeman for a while maybe call it 45 minutes and uh you know just all sorts of mindset type stuff i don't like that she didn't pull over for the policeman right like let me outline a scenario what happens if she doesn't pull over for the cop now that's the first impression that she's made then she darts to her glove box to get her registration out he might view that in a

different mindset than he would with a properly compliant like you know a person who'd been pulled over so uh so it's important that like you make that good first impression when you're interacting with policemen and her first impression was the one that maybe somebody with warrants would make right or someone who needs to hide some shit in the car before we pull over. I didn't even think of that, but that's a thing too. Let's go a couple blocks so I stuff all the stuff down between the seats and get my knife in my armpit

real quick. What I know is she caught a good officer. She definitely did. Well, she is a ginger. For the radio audience out there who are unaware. Yes, she's whiter than most whites. She was never in any danger.

She could have hit a few people on the way there. If it wasn't lighter than hers, same scenario. So we talked to the policeman. I told him, like, I have a family philosophy, right? Like, you comply, you whatever. Like, this is an opportunity to show the first level of law enforcement how reasonable and good you are and that, you know, everything is going to be okay. So anyway, he asked about her grades. Her grades are really strong. I'm going to brag about her later in the show, but we just got, like, her grades fixed and stuff and and now they're fantastic and um uh so um the long the end of it after i talked to the cop for a while

he threw away the ticket and everything is fine wow yeah he had written it out and everything and gave it to her but he hadn't submitted I'm sure you've experienced a scenario exactly like this before. Just like that. I bet you've got a story where. I was in Southern Connecticut just last month, and the exact same thing happened to me in less than three seconds. I remember that ticket didn't get thrown out. My wife, being Hispanic, was questioned as to if she's okay.

I'm on the passenger side. I wasn't even on the driver's side. I was on the passenger side just so he could ask on the driver's side. I was on the passenger side just so he could ask if my wife was okay. That was the best conversation in the world. There's something you need to know. I was like, I don't know why you need my license. I wasn't driving anywhere.

She was driving. It was like, it's just normal. It must be normal for Southerns because it's not normal for where I come from. I was like, I don't keep my license on me. I had it on me. I was just being an asshole. That is not how we behave, Dan. Do I need to talk to you and Hope? I don't know how to behave. But he goes back to the wife and then he just says, miss, are you sure you're okay? What the fuck is the sure for? You see the wedding ring on her.

I'm pretty sure she was all right when we passed you because we were laughing when we passed you. She's sitting there like all you gotta do is give him the nod and he will drag your ass out of his car. It's over after that. It was quite the interesting afternoon. If we're talking about a racial thing, you should know the cop is black. I'm pretty sure. I only talked to him on

the phone, but you can tell over the phone if a guy's black or white. I'm going to look at you for the next minute and I'm going sure. I only talked to him on the phone, but you can tell over the phone if a guy's black or white. Man, I'm going to look at you for the next minute, and I'm going to ask that you blink if you are in any danger. Where is this man taking you? The policeman was great. What he really wanted to do was teach Hope a lesson. And I guess he concluded that that lesson was learned without a ticket. I a ticket and uh ticket written out for me and then had it thrown away i honestly didn't know

that could happen i thought that old trope of once they write it out it's done because i've never they've even when i'm really friendly and i'm always respectful the cops and they'll be like hey we're going 69 in a 60 there you go you know just it down, or keep the speed down. I always hold out hope. Maybe he'll be like, you know what? You're a good guy. I have this mindset whenever I meet someone for the first time that my attitude should be

that I'm very happy to meet them. That I'm excited about meeting them. I applied it to sometimes situations that don't really apply. Like I'll meet the funeral director. We're picking out the casket for Graham, I'm like, hey! Wow, it's nice to meet you! I like that tie you got there! I'm glad we're here today. But, so, I'll get pulled

over, and I'm usually so friendly, I guess, that things usually... I've had a lot of tickets thrown away. I've gotten a lot of leeway. Although, I must have gotten five speeding tickets over the course of like, a year and a half at one point. That is course of like a year and a half at one point that is so many

it was so many it was a lot they weren't all speeding tickets now that I think about it I ran like two stop signs I ran through a red light but then there were like three bad speeding tickets you gotta just fucking leave earlier wherever you're going I don't have anywhere to be i just enjoy going

fast like i could be an hour late where i'm going i'm just gonna eat nachos when i get there anyway i just like getting there in a hurry that's all but i would be in the scenario that would repeat over and over where i'm driving and i kind of zone out and the speed limit goes from like 60 miles per hour to like 35 in a really short period of time when you're going from highway to like some bullshit town in the mountains and I got stopped one night going like 72 and like a 35 like more than

double the speed limit so when I was a teenager that was my benchmark I felt like if I wasn't going double the speed limit I was a pussy and if you think it through like the roads that you know it's a really good benchmark for aggressive driving. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like in Ocean City, the speed limit was only 35.

But 70 there is pretty freaking fast. Remarkably dangerous. And then like on a highway or something where the speed limit's 55 and you're going 110, ha ha! It's like equivalently dangerous. And yeah, that was how Idiot Me drove.

Maybe I would tell Idiot Me that. Slow down, you jerk. I've never had a ticket written out and then thrown away. But I did get pulled over once and not end up getting a ticket. When I was leaving, I guess I was like 18 or so at the time. And I was driving. I had a Jeep at that time. And sat me, another guy, and then three of my friends in the

back and it was real late and we went to taco bell like we're just gonna go get some taco bell we've just been fucking around playing video games whatever all night and so i was driving and i get out and on this like windy wooden woods road on the way to the main road to find the taco bell and i get out there and i'm now i had be 17, because I was real nervous about the cop, and this guy gets up behind me on this wooded trail road, and it was one of those speed limits that even the police fly through there, because it is bananas how inappropriately slow it is, like, I'm going 25, probably like 23 miles an hour in a 25, just hoping this cop, who's clearly, in retrospect, becoming upset that I'm driving so slow,

is right behind me, right behind me. And we're passing a bunch of neighborhoods. The ones we were passing at that time were pretty nice. And I was like, all right, fuck this. I'm just going to turn into a neighborhood, let this guy go past me, and then I'll pull back out because I'm going to have a goddamn panic attack with all my idiot friends making noise and being assholes while I'm trying to, you white knuckle this through and keep in mind i'm just nervous because it's a cop there's nothing illegal i didn't do anything

wrong there's nothing in the car i was just like fuck i don't want to get a ticket so i pull in immediately turns his lights on and follows me in there i pull up right next to the first house he comes out i'm sorry he didn't come out he sat in his car like they do, run the plates, make sure you're not like a felon or something, and then another Charger cop pulled up. I was like, oh, that's interesting. And then a Ford Explorer cop pulled up. And before the Ford Explorer but after the second Charger, the guy gets out, walks up, and is like, hey, couldn't help but notice

you just kind of pulled into this neighborhood after leaving that other one you tell me why i was like yeah honestly i i'm only 17 i'm really nervous driving around cops because i feel like i'm gonna make a mistake i just pulled in here we're on the way to taco bell i just wanted to let you pass so that i wouldn't be so stressed out and he was like okay all right well uh everybody in here how old are you all you guys anybody 18 and i had one 18 year old friend who was there rest of us weren't and he's like okay okay just making sure i'm gonna go back to my cruiser real quick he went back the other cops had gotten out by this point they were just standing around i don't know why like i think they'd all realized at this point

like this is a bullshit call and the guy then came back up asked me to get out of the car and come to the trunk with him and so i got out went to the trunk with him he asked me to get out of the car and come to the trunk with him. And so I got out, went to the trunk with him. He asked me to open it up, so I opened it up. Looking back, I now know I didn't have to do that because I know my fucking rights. Yeah, fourth amendment. But I just opened it anyway. And he searched my car, like top to bottom after that. Had all my friends get out.

Searched my whole car. My great-grandpa's pocket knife was in the center console of the jeep uh they took that i never got it back so that kind of sucked it wasn't like it was some real real sentimental thing it was just kind of like oh that's a real pocket knife and now i don't fucking have it anymore and he called me around to the trunk again picked up a green airsoft bb because i was in a big airsoft phase and he's like tell why don't you tell me about this and i was that this is an airsoft BB from my airsoft gun me and my friends shoot each other with fake guns

and in our backyards for a good time and he's like oh is that right I bet that is and I didn't really understand that I'm like is this no he must be being sarcastic and so then he pretty much closed it all up, realized nothing was going to be wrong with it. And then he said, all right, now I'm going to follow you back to that neighborhood that you left. And I was like, but we haven't even been to Taco Bell yet. Like, we haven't been where we needed to go. And he's like, people in this car are under 18, past curfew. I'm going to follow you back.

And I was like, okay like okay i guess and so he followed me back to my friend's house where we were hanging out and then just said like all right and you guys better not be leaving again because we're gonna have people on this road most of the night and we have your license plate or whatever the fuck you said and it was just uncomfortable realizing like god damn it i didn't even do anything illegal and now i can't get taco bell and so you know you should have walked that's a real that i understand problems with the police dude i've had this happen to me at this point the most respect i have for the entire story is the passion you have for taco bell you know what i'm saying that's love right there

i was i was in eighth or ninth grade, and I'm a passenger. And we're going home, because I'm this cool, from a roller skating rink. And we were all really excited. Like, I don't know if girls paid attention to us or what went so well, but we were singing and dancing. And this particular old truck didn't have any, like, cloth on the interior. And when you clapped, it was crazy loud. Like, it hurt your ears.

So we're all clapping to the music and going wild on our drive home from the roller skating rink at peak happiness. The driver maybe was going, I know he had a couple, if he had got another ticket, he'd be in trouble. So the policeman spotted spotted him probably speeding turns around and chases him i think what he actually might have saw was us being idiots in the car and clapping and stuff because he didn't seem to like that he pulls us instead of just pulling over nicely he's he tried to turn into some side road thinking that the policeman like

would never catch on to that ruse but clever cop followed us to the side road we get pulled over there and that begins like the interrogation and he is all over us he's checking every pocket he's frisking us i've got like hands on the hood and um he like he's just going through everything and at one point like he one point, I didn't recognize that he was looking for drugs. I was too naive to think that that was on his mind. I thought he was looking for guns. I don't know really what he was looking for. He was just checking every pocket and everything.

Every ticket stub he wanted an explanation on. At one point, I have this little green plastic case that flips open I don't know about big enough to hold it was for my retainer thing I had like an appliance pre braces and um uh he uh he's like what what's in this thing and I'm like uh that's that's you don't want to open this like that's that's that's no because it it smelled bad like I don't know if you this. No, because it smelled bad. I don't know if you guys have ever had an appliance, but to me there's a really distinctive smell that you would have to wash it out three times a day. It's just stale, bad breath smell.

All that nasty saliva just dries. Yes, it's stale, bad breath. I was embarrassed of that smell. Like somebody with more elite hygiene wouldn't have... Smart mouth. I should have had smart mouth. So anyway, he's like,

what's in this thing? And I was like, I don't want to open that. And he's like, now he really wanted to open it. And I'm like, it's my appliance. He's like,

if I find anything in here other than your appliance, then what happens? And I didn't know what he was hitting. I had no idea. This whole situation was confusing to me. So I made him, like, this is the bargain. I was like, if there's anything in there other than my appliance,

you can keep my winter coat. I don't know. How old are you? Like 14. I don't know. All right. I think you started to make a lot of sense. And I was just like, that was the deal that I struck with him. And he was amused by it, but I was like, I know I'm going to win this bet. And, uh, and we opened it and it was empty. Like there wasn't even appliance in it. And, and like that, that was kind of when the questioning of me wrapped up, like when, when I was willing to bet my winter coat on it,

that, you know, that it wrapped up and, um, they, that you just gotten on. Oh, they questioned the driver a little longer,

asked him why he pulled over into that road. And he said the perfect thing. He's like, here's the deal. I have a speeding ticket already. I'm a probationary driver and if i get another speeding ticket i think i lose my license he's like i was just hoping i wouldn't get one and uh that bit of honesty i think changed the cops i don't know tactic mood etc toward the

driver and uh i don't know if he got a ticket or not. I really don't recall. But I think he got a ticket for something that wouldn't make him lose the license. Like, you know, all right, I'm going to give you a fine here for a taillight that's out. How do you feel about that? I accept your terms, you know. And I think that's how it went down. He wrote him a ticket for some non-moving violation and called it a day. We were talking about the debate before the show a little bit.

That was remarkable. I watched all 90 minutes. I was very surprised that – I thought Trump did a terrible job. Afterwards – and then the next day I saw online that, like, most people thought he won. afterwards i and then the next day i saw online that like most people thought he won and it really surprised me because i mean i i prefer trump over hillary like i definitely so but he seemed i think he lost that debate that like i think the world says he lost it's online polls that says he won and though to me online polls are a measure of who has a more enthusiastic internet audience. And, you know, Barack always won those.

Ron Paul used to win them a lot. Like, they don't mean very much. Sanders, like, dominated every online poll. Yep, yep. Yeah, so online polls, they're just for fun. I watched it, and I thought Hillary did a little better. And then to listen to the commentary immediately afterwards, everyone seemed to agree that Hillary won, like pros and stuff.

So I was like, all right, maybe it was a bigger thing than I thought. And then I heard Trump and his team making excuses for why they lost. They didn't like the moderator. They didn't like the microphone. They didn't like whatever. And that's when I felt like he was really on the losing team. When he started making excuses for the ass-kicking, I was like, oh, I hadn't even realized there was such an ass-kicking. I think a better way for him would have been to just say he won, that he was so excited about it,

that he's glad he made this, that, and the other point. And drive them, like double down on his best moments. Get people talking about them. That would have been how he should have handled it. To complain about, oh, the microphone's terrible. It was cracking. People couldn't hear my funny jokes. But the microphone had superpowers and they picked up my sniffling. You just sound like a silly person.

Yeah. Yeah. I was thinking through it again the reason that people might think that he won because for the first 30 minutes he absolutely won like i was watching the first half hour being like holy shit this is happening donald trump is winning this debate like this is hilarious and then the hour, he just got emotional and got dominated. And he made the mistake, like, the moderator was biased, but that's not some panacea cure-all that suddenly means that, oh, all those opportunities you missed to come down with a point or to say something reasonable. Like, you missed all those opportunities, Donald.

down with a point or to say something reasonable like you missed all those opportunities donald you could have even with a biased moderator there were so many times you could have jumped in and said something damning and you didn't because you got emotional and you freaked out and you spent an hour defending your business record and which is just not nobody cares about that donald you didn't like he didn't bring up emails when they literally have a category called cybersecurity. I can't imagine more of a, not even a softball, a t-ball, to just whack out of the park, and he misses that one. Really unimpressive performance from him. The only thing that makes it even a debate that Trump was in the same ballpark of winning, because he clearly lost overall, is that Hillary is so unlikable. Trump was in the same ballpark of winning because he clearly lost overall,

is that Hillary is so unlikable. And every time she smiles, it looks like her skin is going to crack because it is so unnatural to see her smiling face. You catch her sometimes smiling, doing that smile that fake people do where they don't have eye wrinkles. And then you'll see her be like, ah, the people in my staff who aren't sociopaths told me to move my eyes when I smile. And you'll see her go, ah, ah, ah. I got it.

So one, I didn't think Donald did as well in the first 30 minutes as you did. And I didn't think he did as poorly at the end as everybody. Like to me, it was. I think he did terrible. I could be crazy. But to me, I didn't see like the highs and lows quite like everybody else did. And the other thing about Hillary, like you said it so well, she laughs when she's not really amused like that's who she is and it makes her difficult to love man like it you like everything

about her just feels it i if she had a bad laugh but a genuine one i'd be cool with it i don't care if she snorts i'd find it endearingaring. But what she does, this sort of like, I'm annoyed, but I'm going to act like I'm entertained thing, it's hard to love. Like Sarah Palin. Sarah Palin had a terrible, shrieky laugh. But you could tell, listening to her laugh, like, okay, that is a woman who's genuinely laughing.

Like, she's not bright enough to be faking this. So, you know, that's real. So it was easier to be faking this so so you know that's real so it was easier to be endeared by it but hillary it's like you know looking at her that she is shrewd she is calculating she's manipulative she's a liar and everybody knows that nobody trusts her even people who really really seem to like her are still like well it is you know it is hillary clinton like if we could we'd pick bill again, but we can't. That just seems to be the vibe. I was realizing driving home today in traffic that 2012, 2008, so many Obama bumper stickers,

so many Romney bumper stickers, not as many as Obama, so many McCain bumper stickers. I didn't see anything. I didn't realize how few, I don't see any Donald McCain bumper stickers. I didn't see anything. I didn't realize how few, I don't see any Donald Trump bumper stickers. I don't see any Hillary Clinton bumper stickers. People just don't seem engaged

or to like either. That's not it. That's not it. People just don't want their cars being attacked. That's all it is. That wouldn't explain the differential. Well, actually, I did see a few Trump ones today when I was at Hooters doing a food review They were actually in the parking lot. I parked my truck I was doing my Hooters food review and the vehicles next to me had the Trump stickers on them

So, you know, they're out there. Just we got a dance You ever go where the breasts are it? You like Clinton or Hillary, right? You like Clinton or Trump? Neither party. Oh. Neither. That's a good choice.

For me, for years, for the better half of my life, I would say, when it comes to politics, I mean, I can always appreciate somebody that can lie in my face, but don't try to get me to believe your lie and then think that I'm going to ever vote for you. You know what I'm saying? I appreciate the fact you can lie to me, and then you can lie to the people so well but you know i would i would i just think america needs our time without at all we just need to see where we can go as a people because it's already fucked up i'm not sure that's a good plan because i i feel like anarchy you know no it's a good plan. I don't see anarchy happening.

I've seen places that don't have a leader like Twitter and YouTube comments, 4chan, and it doesn't work out that well. We might need some sort of guidance. But think about this. We still would have the Senate and the House and all that. We've had presidents all the way back. If there's ever a time to be like,

hey, let's try four years without one. Let's try it right now. Let's try it right now. Donald Trump, you go back to building buildings. Hillary, you go back to hell. Everybody go to where you're best, and then just let the rest of us be. If there was ever a time to test out a trial run of no president, now is the time. If it goes terribly, in four years we'll vote for another one.

But could it be worse than either of these humans? No. Probably not. It is just a thought. It is just a thought. I understand that laws, rules, and regulations will still forever be in place, with or without. But now we just have a little more actual freedom to really think on our own over having thoughts pushed onto us if there was some sort of presidential lottery that you could buy tickets to right now that was like get your number drawn and you are immediately president if that were some promotional i would honestly be almost as comfortable with just letting the american people go out and those same people who buy

lottery tickets buying up a bunch of presidential chance tokens and then seeing who got it. Actually, then Donald Trump might win. Probably would. Probably would. Never mind. I don't think that many people cared about... I think the third debate is going to be

what matters, right? Isn't that traditionally? Probably so, unless she dies in the second debate. It's going to be fun to watch. I like your joke about her being from hell. Yeah, maybe we should do something like, didn't the Romans have some sort of system where, you know, in times of great war and stuff, then they would elect an emperor?

Now, I know that's kind of a different system. We're electing a president, not an emperor. And I think the executive branch kind of needs to be there for the checks and balance system that our democracy is kind of teetering on all the time. So maybe that's not a great idea, but I like the idea of just neither one of them winning, or neither one of them... Although, God, I kind of want to see him do all those things that the president does that you don't really think about. The things that... I don't when when obama's in the rose garden talking i don't care but if trump is in the rose garden talking oh that's prime time let's see what he's got to say you

know those addresses to the country from the president's desk where he's like hello america some bad shit has happened and you know george Bush had a bunch of them. You know, whatever. Can you imagine those coming from Trump? Hello, America. I just want you to know that Trump water is going to be released in a 7-Eleven near you. Starting on this Wednesday. You get a five cents off per gallon if you buy a Trump water. The executive deal, they're calling it. It's called, are you smarter than the secretary of

defense and we're gonna be doing it every tuesday evening i will be there present i'm running the show i can run the show and in this country that would be pretty funny he just abuses the fact that every network will tune to him at at a moment's notice because he's the president and he's just constantly like he's got he's got like product placement in in these addresses he's got his wind and coca-cola question so do you remember it's like maybe like 10 days ago when he announced that he was no longer a birther right you know he said oh hillary did it i fixed it now the problem's solved but what he also did was troll everyone to like cover 30 minutes of them either praising him or like give a tour of his hotel or something well wait on reddit they weren't praising him they were tearing him apart he was because like just before that he said he is a birth yeah the 30 minutes of coverage

had like veterans and stuff praising him those are the people that i'm talking about so so the news was almost forced to like like they're like oh any second now trump's gonna come out we just have to listen to this fucknard like you know tell us how great trump would have been if he didn't dodge the draft like something like that and uh so was that a brilliant decision like his faithful say to get all this free air time but was it a bad decision to fuck with the press who's not a good enemy to have i certainly they're already his enemy yeah yeah he didn't he didn't cheat it there was no one in the press uh pool who was like ah you know what that's the last straw i've got it in for him now

like like i i just can't see that happening i thought it was hilarious he based they he trolled him he trolled him into into getting God knows what 30 minutes of coverage would cost on every fucking network. And he does it all the time. And then he just comes out and says, yep, Obama was born here. Thank you all for tuning in. You always mock the Trump brand and its supposed value.

But Jesus Christ, if the Trump brand enables you to at a moment's notice be like, all foreign networks, CNN and Fox News, give me half an hour of your time. I got some stuff I want to talk about. Jesus Christ, that's pretty valuable. Mark my words. If he loses this election, and I think he will, his brand is going to be worth less than before the election.

People are going to view him like a Walter Mondale. They're going to think of him as the biggest loser. They're going to... He'll be a national laughing stock joke. No, I think he'll flourish after this. This is so much for advertising and free marketing. He is gaining new people.

Sure, there are some people who were passionate about Donald Trump before the election. Everyone was just kind of mildly entertained by him. But now half of America is passionate about Donald Trump seemingly. If he just can keep 5% of that for the next few years, he's gold. He's gold. It's just so valuable what he's done here.

Even if he doesn't win, he's won. I get your point with that. I think that saying half of America passionate about him or half of America passionate about Hillary, even among Republicans, a lot of people are voting for him, like, just hold your nose and push the button and fine.

And, like, I just, I don't know. It will increase his brand value, I think. Tens of millions. America's not kind to its losers. You know, when you lose a presidential election, people think. Tens of millions. America's not kind to its losers. When you lose a presidential election, people think of you as not so hot. If you're a politician and that's what you

do for a living, that's like a race car driver losing a race. But Donald Trump's not a politician. He's just trying this thing out. It's like when they have one of those fights where one of the guys really isn't a fighter and you're like, I don't know. He's a wide receiver in the NFL. he's pretty quick maybe that'll work if he loses the fight you're not ah what a loser you're like hey he was quick yeah not for long though and i don't

think he's held to the same standard we'll see hillary loses she will be a laughing stock in a joke because she will have lost to someone that two years ago you'd be like hey what do you think about donald trump you'd be like i mean i've watched the apprentice it's all right fire that's what people would have said two years ago you would have no strong opinions about the man they're going to say that she was fired they're gonna say hillary was fired they'll be you want some bumper stickers that one will be a bomb people do it in that inaugural address that exactly that's that that's what that's the kind of like hilarious internet gold moment that would last for all of eternity that i want to be witness to that's why i support donald

trump because i want to see him what's it called um it's not the inaugural address it's when he's being sworn in and there's that huge outdoor ceremony and like the inauguration ceremony i think i guess it is yeah yeah you're right and uh you know the sitting president is there and the first lady's there and everybody's there i think up in front are the chief justices of the supreme court like there's a very specific way these people are stacked and and i just want him i just want him to be ridiculous i want him to tell obama he's fired and it's not that i have any dislike for obama specifically i just want him to be ridiculous. I want him to tell Obama he's fired. And it's not that I have any dislike for Obama specifically. I just want him to be that corny and be like,

yeah, I'm going to do it. I'm going to fucking do it. It doesn't work for Obama because Obama has to retire. But for Hillary, the fired line is good. I don't know. It works for both. Let's just know that whether Trump wins or loses, even if he lost, again, like you were saying, he still won.

The man's financially well off, and he is a pimp of this system. If anybody has learned how to properly pimp this system, however you may feel about Trump, he has learned it years ago. Master pimp. I give him the certified stamp of approval on that one. But that crying Jordan meme face will be slapped on the loser real fast and I will repost that for like a whole week. Oh yeah, I love the crying Jordan face.

The entire NHL playoffs that was on every losing team. And the time that some of these people put into photoshopping sad Michael Jordan's face. There was a big banner HD picture of the Dallas Stars NHL team after they lost to my team, the St. Louis Blues. And it wasn't like a lazy half-assed photoshop. This person had rotated Michael's face to different directions for every person. They were just standing there sad with their stick. You can see all of their

clearly white necks with the black face. Like, it was fucking hilarious. I love that meme. I don't get that meme. Why was he crying? What made him cry? And why does it apply to everything? I don't know. I'm just so, like, I don't get it.

It's just a moment of, you know, he's just feeling so much emotion. He's completely overpowered with what appears to be sadness. I don't get it. It's just a moment of, you know, he's just feeling so much emotion. He's completely overpowered with what appears to be sadness. I don't remember the exact moment, but that's what it means. He's just completely overwhelmed with sadness of a loss, losing in a sport. It's just indicative of that. So when I see it, it's like pointing to the other guy and be like, yeah, you wanted it bad. You fought for it hard.

We took it. That's exactly what it bad. You fought for it hard. We took it. That's exactly what it is. I googled it. He was crying during his own speech at the Basketball Hall of Fame induction ceremony. So those are like happy tears. Yeah. But that's not how the meme uses it. He's got a lot of respect for himself.

That's not how the meme went at all. That meme has redefined his career. Oh, did you hear about the Anti-Defamation League saying that Pepe is now a hate symbol? Yeah, yeah. Oh, God. I hate that.

I hate that. ADF, real quick for those who don't know, it's Anti-Defamation League. It's against anti-Semitism, which is hating Jewish people. And that's their... I think they go against any kind of hate speech or or whatever but they're centered around jews anyway go ahead since it's a frog it really should be against french people shouldn't it like isn't that a thing or is it just french canadians yeah but nobody they're white nobody's gonna get all out

outraged about yeah it's too soon to go after france apparently it's very racist to call either a french or french canadian a frog i don't really understand the because they eat Apparently it's very racist to call either a French or a French-Canadian a frog. I don't really understand the... Because they eat frog. It's a dish. Is that the... People in the South eat frog? It absolutely is. We call them frog eaters because they literally eat frog and it's something we look down upon. We have literally had this conversation before. You googled it last time, too.

Right, we have had this conversation. Okay, so... Well, you do a four-hour show. Enough weeks. Hey, I'm just saying. I remember what we did. That's how I know I'm going to win this conversation. Okay, well, you do a four-hour show. Enough weeks. Hey, I'm just saying, I remember what we did. That's how I know I'm going to win this one. I bet you are. My money's on you, but I can't stop playing this out.

Woody, while you're over there checking that, man, fellas, say come tomorrow morning, you know, you jump in, you grab up your your powerball numbers say if you won a powerball for 400 million what would you do that first week so what i want to do is go down to brazil and i want to buy a big chunk of the brazilian rainforest as much as i mean i want to keep some of that money to the side, right? Because I'm going to need to like, you know, maybe upgrade a few little things in my life. Let's keep some money on hand.

But I'm like $399 million is buying Brazilian rainforest. I'm going to buy as much of it as I can. I want as much acreage. Yes. And then I'm going to start this charity where if you don't buy it back from me a dollar per square foot i strip mine it and burn it the next year i'm not sure that's a charity hold the world you hold the world ransom for part of brazil's rainforest i can tell you right now i don't give a fuck and you would not be getting my dollar okay i think there's. I think there's enough people who love

the rainforest and saw that movie Fern Gully and that sort of crowd who would pay me to buy the rainforest back for me. It's sort of a James Bond villain type plan. You think those people in their tie-dye shirts and their dreadlocks in their pot-smoking drum circles, you think they're really going to pony up the dough?

Or are they just going to wear a shirt that says hashtag save the forest as they buy their $9 coffee? I don't even get the rainforest thing. It seems like you tear down the trees and they put crops and shit. They grow corn or bananas. I don't know what the fuck they grow. Does the earth really give a fuck that you change from trees to banana trees or corn? It seems to me still roughly the same.

It's plant shit. It seems like if the Earth really cared, it would hold strike and be like, we are not growing bananas here. Only trees. They cut the trees down and then they make fields and then they put grazing animals on there so it's doubly effective. Now they're farting and shitting and making methane. So now you took something that used to

take carbon dioxide and turn it into oxygen for the world, like the biggest oxygen producing little engine that the planet has really and you took some of that away and made a methane generation plant there instead i am of two minds on this very long internet videos of you and like the isis garb with a bad camera pointed at you as you stand next to a tree and then saw it in half for like three hours until it falls down on one hand i absolutely don't give a fuck about your rainforest as a matter of fact send me some purple heart it's my favorite like endangered tree and i like to make shop jigs out of it right so that's one hand on the other i'm

really upset that september was as hot as it was So whatever methane production you're doing seems to have impacted my paramotoring and make me sweat. So stop it. If I had 400 mil, first week, I'm not telling, I'm contacting the best attorneys I can possibly find

and I'm not telling anyone. I don't tell my parents, my brother, my girlfriend, my girlfriend, or anyone else. Just keep it silent until I talk to some attorney. Because if I talk to someone I know, they're going to be like, oh, I got this great attorney over here. And then that attorney is going to love that you got hooked up from this guy. So they're going to try and make sure that this guy who hooked him up with you gets paid. And then you're into a bunch of politics nonsense. Like, I just want to find the absolute best

attorney to handle it. And then once that's all squared away, money's in the account, everything's good, probably a few weeks later, then I can go to people and be like, hey, I've come into some money and just have the conversation. But by that point, it's too late for everybody to be handing out their palms, you know? Maybe, since you have all that money, you could put upon some sort of elaborate ruse to find out who your true friends and family members are, where you put yourself in the pauper position. You manufacture a bunch of bad things that happen to you suddenly, and then you go to these supposed friends and family members who love you so much, and you ask them for assistance.

Hey, I really need you to co-sign with me here. I really need you to come over for every weekend this month and help me rebuild where there was a flood. Maybe you go to them like that, and then you reveal that you're really the prince and that you've come upon this money and you stick it in the faces of those who won't help you. Brilliant. I was going to say my second favorite idea was to buy the rainforest out from under you, but

I like this one even better. Of seeing, just pretending like I have a horrible disease or buying a bunch of very very heavy furniture from multiple locations and asking people to move it into into my place that would be a good one like i need tell them all like i need you all to be tested to see to see if your bone marrow wet will match mine it's a very invasive painful procedure but without it i will die by year's end and see who's willing to take the blood test everyone who's willing in that world gets a million bucks right as soon as they

find out it's like hey guess what and i i don't i don't even give it an account i have a big suitcase no not a suitcase like i i buy them a car full of ones no i've got it better the doctor comes in to take the blood but it's not a doctor it's a big-tittied nurse with money strapped all over her body and she strips naked and and the only thing that's covered is the parts that you don't really want to see in their car with money which parts of a big titty nurse don't I want to see her you know her stomach and money around her stomach and like and maybe a money crown. Cover her face with the dumbass money.

If it's covered with money, I want her totally covered up. Like a burka stock of just cash. Well, if you're into that, we'll get you whatever kind of money whore you want. Money whore. I like testing them a little first to do an undercover boss kind of scam to see if they really deserve to be part of the brave new world that I'm about to usher in for Team Kyle. You know what I mean?

Because that guy out in Texas is worth like a quarter billion or whatever. He ushered in a new world for everyone in his circle because now there's no reason to go to Arby's ever. You know what I mean? Like it's not that I'm going to support you and pay your mortgage. It's just that like if you're hanging out with that guy, we won't be going to Arby's ever. You know what I mean? Like, it's not that I'm going to support you and pay your mortgage. It's just that, like, if you're hanging out with that guy, we won't be going to Arby's anymore. That's a guarantee.

We're going to go somewhere nice. My friends, we go to Waffle House a lot. Sorry. I like Waffle House. What do you get? I get the All-Star Special. Well, wait, real quick. I want to know what, Dame, what are you doing with your 400 mil?

Wow, B. The actual first week with the 400 mil, that definitely would be spent. I would have about three different lawyers, and that's just me going through consultation for like a full day of consultation. It would be the first time ever that I would see a whole bunch of paperwork that I actually want to read through just so I can understand what's going to be going on with the rest of my life. Because I can guarantee that relatives I've never heard of are gonna pop up and I know in certain states you don't even have to mention who you are once you win unfortunately I'm not in that state so everybody's gonna know David Patterson just hit this powerball unless okay injured what what if you what if you change your name very quickly before you accept the money, accept it as Bill Mayer, and then now that you're a 400 millionaire be like, you know what, switch that back now. Could you do that? Or accept it under the name of someone you really sincerely dislike.

Or even better. And then they're like, yeah, I'll claim that. What if they then get titled to your money somehow? It's strange how these things would actually work out. And you would love to say that you would travel, you would travel the world, and you'd do everything that you normally don't get an opportunity to do. But when that's done, what are you going to do?

You know what I'm saying? By the time you travel the world, that's not going to be the end of your life. You'll just be done. I think a whorehouse would be fun. I think it would be going to be the end of your life. You'll just be done. I think a whorehouse would be fun. I think it would be nice to be an owner-operator of a whorehouse, maybe. I feel like you could pull off some sort of

actual Hugh Hefner thing late into your 80s or 90s or something like that. And with the medical science that I'll have access to, we'll probably have some sort of a mechanical cock in the next 10 or 15 years. Something frightening. Something truly frightening. I disagree about the whorehouse.

Whorehouses are like boats. Like, you want a friend who owns a whorehouse. You don't want to own it. You don't want to deal with that. Can you imagine HR in a whorehouse? Awful. Awful. Yes. Probably very difficult. HR for a whore that would be interesting every day

dealing with profanity complaints they came right in my eye i told him that my tits and and i just hate it samantha this is the third time this week you are literally a whore to do your job and Your numbers are coming in, and your numbers are lagging. I like when Stern interviews the girls who actually work at the bunny ranch and the actual whorehouses and stuff, and to get a little peek into what that's like. That's bizarre to me. But I do

think prostitution should be legal, right? Don't we all? Somehow, the thing about masseuses, right? So masseuses, they go in, they work with human bodies, they rub them down, whatever, and then they send them on their way. Whorehouses do a similar thing, except they really focus on one area of the body.

You might tell a masseuse you have a sore back. You tell a cock or a whore that your cock needs some love. Same thing, roughly, except whores earn so much more. They do. Well, you get to fuck the whore. Yeah, that's why. Yeah. You know,

painters do I don't know if you can compare a masseuse to a prostitute unless it's one of those masseuses who gives you a happy ending which I see those Reddit posts a lot and there was one really depressing, not Reddit but a 4chan post, it was really depressing where the guy had like, paid like

$400 for a handjob from some Asian lady in one of those massage parlors I'm always curious about those when I see the massage parlors that are advertised on like billboards and it's always like lucky tan massage and stuff and it's got like often there's a picture of a pretty Asian lady

on the billboard and I wonder how many of those places are actually like they're giving you happy endings they're going to tug you off at the end and if there are that many of them how do they stay operational it seems like they're being really out in the open

that there's something more going on than just a rub down. And it makes me not go to get a massage because I'm always worried that I'm going to go to the wrong place and either get in trouble or misinterpret something. So I live in Raleigh, right? Raleigh is a medium-sized city, small city. I don't know what it is. Why is it a medium-sized city, small city? I don't know what it is. I like to kid myself and act like there's nothing bad within 35 miles of my home.

But it's not true. The truth is that I can go like eight miles from my house and find stuff. My daughter and I practice parking lot. I'm sorry. I practice parking in a parking lot we don't normally go to. What are you saying, Kyle? I'm sorry. All right.

And I don't normally go in there. So I just – like I never really paid attention to it. Suddenly I'm like, look, there's like a cash for gold place here. There was a gold teeth installation facility in like this strip mall. I didn't know gold teeth like had storefront. I didn't really know where you got that. But here's like – he's like a really fancy orthodontist i guess and uh and there were just all these places and then there was an asian massage parlor and i'm like is this like in my universe like i i don't think you just get massages here i think you could get a hand job at this place if there's a massage parlor next to a gold um like teeth decoration facility then uh

then you have to be able to get something extra there i never understood the hand job happy ending like having like a sexy woman rub your body all over the place and then having that capped off a hand job like i've thought it just seems like you would have built it up so much in your head of maybe you just lay there and close your eyes and imagine. But who knows? I feel like if I was in this situation, I think I'd want a happy beginning. Right? Because massages are pretty great too, right?

Let's just get that relaxated – relaxated? Like relax state. Let's start there. Right? Let's start with the happy beginning. state let's start there right let's let's start with the happy beginning and then as you're all chill and you're after glow and and and that one moment in your life where you can think straight you know and not about girls then uh then have the massage from there i i think the idea is that the massage is about turning you on so that she can bilk you for as much as possible for the happy

ending i think it's about her rubbing you and turning you on and that she can bilk you for as much as possible for the happy ending. I think it's about her rubbing you and turning you on and maybe getting close to doing something a little dirty, and then at the end there's some negotiation. Jim Norton talks about this extensively on the Opium Anthony program because he talks about his experiences with

prostitutes and whores all the time, and he was going through a whole guide once. I don't remember what it's called, but it was like Jim Norton's Guide to Prost the time and he was going through a whole guide once i don't remember what it's called but it's like jim norton's guide to prostitution and it was like like saying he's like okay there's different ways that i can tell that the girl is going to be into it sometimes you know like the first way you do it is you wait for them to to rub up by your ass like the back of your thighs there and you kind of just he's like and you just you just push your ass towards them ever so slightly you just you just push your ass towards him ever so slightly. You just push your ass towards him.

If they recoil from that, they're not interested. Give up. You're not going to get it. But sometimes what they'll do is while they're rubbing your thighs, a finger, maybe part of their hand, brushes your scrotum. And then you know you're in. That's when you know you're in. And then once I've felt them brush my scrotum, that's when I know there's a price and I'm going to find it.

Which, like, I've never gotten a massage ever but no i assume that good i don't it makes sense i should do it every i should do it once a week i just don't know where to go and it's a bit awkward it's a bit awkward i i um i don't know i don't know what about it it is but i feel a little socially awkward about doing it. Because the last massage I got was at this resort bed and breakfast spa thing where everything is taken care of for you. I don't know. Everything is taken care of for you for several days in a row. And one day there was a massage, and this incredibly hot woman is massaging me. And the whole time I'm having such a hard time relaxing because I'm worried I'm going to either fart on her like pop a boner or something i think i want a dude to massage me i really do because not only are his hands gonna be bigger and stronger and guarantee the boner not only do i want a girl to massage me i want a girl to massage jackie those are the rules all female staff i'm curious kyle why do

you want a man rubbing bigger stronger hands um you know not to be too much of a sexist here But if this guy has gotten into massage I feel like he's really got his shit in order This is probably one of the best massage guys here Like I just feel like a man Would be better at it And I'm not looking for anything Remotely sexual if I'm getting a massage

It's about like fixing Like my sore muscles and like You know maybe rearranging something I really need a chiropractor and a massage. It's about fixing my sore muscles and maybe rearranging something. I really need a chiropractor and a massage. My back's all fucked up. Let me tell you about my last massage. We're on a Disney cruise ship. It's like two or three years ago. Jackie and I

go in for a couple's massage. We go in there and it's really high end. There's fountains with rocks and water pouring on them. There's two tables there where Jackie and I both get our massage. And then there's a balcony out front. And the balcony has a hot tub and it has like a porch swing, but like a nice one. And like a full-size cot, like a queen size, you know, a little smaller than that.

And the process goes like this. They massage Jackie and I both for like, I don't know, 15 minutes or so. Then they leave us alone for 20 minutes, and then they come back and give us like another 30 minute massage. So we're like vlogging this. Like there's a video on my channel where like we,

like I don't know document the experience and uh and we go in and jackie and i get like 15 minutes worth of massage and then the two masseuses leave and it's like i guess we're supposed to fuck now i mean there's like a hot tub and a bed right over like all righty right so we do and then like then we like pull up the camera like oh yeah this this has been great so far and then they give us the rest of the massage and that's the experience and i'm just like wow it just seemed awkward to me that the the disney cruise ship ran that kind of thing like yeah yeah we'll leave you alone right now. You two lovebirds get at it and we'll come back.

That's very courteous. Look, I don't know when and I am so waiting for that Disney bubble to burst. But there is an underlining X-rated something real, real fishy going on within that company.

And I don't know when it will ever be exposed because we keep it so G-rated. But trust and believe, there is dirt to be found in every orifice of the earth. And Disney is part of that dirt. I just wanted to put that out there. Disney used to run this great cruise ship commercial that basically said, if you come on our cruises, you'll get laid. I've talked about this on the show before.

But the mom went to an elevator and the girl's there and maybe she has Mouseketeer hat or something like that. And some stranger's like, oh, you know, did you just go to the park? And she's like, no, we went on the cruise ship. And they're like, oh, did you just go? And she says, no, it was nine months ago. And there's a baby. And they're like, oh, is that your little sister? Yeah. Mommy calls that our little souvenir. And the whole takeaway was like, hey, come to the cruise ship. We're designed to watch your kids for you. Do what you will.

That's the ad. It was pretty funny. Okay. All right. It's a good ad because it's like, it's basically aimed at men out there being like, hey, life's pretty aggravating. Take your kids on this Disney cruise. You'll get laid and not have to look at them. So I've only been on Disney cruises.

I can't speak for all of them. But Disney is particularly geared to watch your kids for you. For the younger kids, they have secret tunnels as they go from one place to the other so that the kids pretty much can't get lost. They're not walking with the rest of the crowds and all the whatever pedophiles on the ship. For the older ones, they put them in these groups. They put dance halls in there and they let them hang out.

And they just segregate them in 18-year-olds to whatever, 3-year-olds. They're in six different age groups. And they're just designed to watch your kids for you in an entertaining way like they're not just like locking them up in some cell they're making flubber or something like that and uh and then you as parents get to be alone dame what are you alluding to that you had in your head about disney being evil or is that just you just you believe there's got to be something evil? Oh, no, it's funny.

I mean, it's very much similar to the individuals that you come in contact with on a day-to-day basis. A person that will put themselves out there as if they do no wrong, as if they love nothing but the world and everything is pure, and then that dirt comes up. The thing is, we live in an imperfect world, so there's always dirt.

It doesn't matter how long ago the dirt happened and how many times it was covered over. Trust and believe there's always a story. But when you're thinking of Disney, you're thinking of family fun. So nobody's really thinking of a dirty story. Are we talking about anti-Semitism? It doesn't exist. No, I was about to get to the anti-Semitism.

So if Waltney lived to be like 99 100 years old and he was the old mini mouse mickey mouse inventor in like 1999 there would have been huge problems with disney movies because people would have been like you guys are watching this movie about mermaids while this guy just put a six hour video on youtube or the internet about how much he hates jews like come on that's ridiculous like it's only because he died in the 50s that people are are cool with it you know yeah family guys got a there was a family guy like cut scene about that where it's like you know how disney has that intro where like it pans in to the castle while the fireworks go off in the background it does that it's like Disney and then a train goes by goes don't take the train it's a Jew

train it's a Jew train yeah because he was very much known for that can you imagine how much you would have to hate Jewish people for it wasn't just Jewish people go back to Dumbo look how racist that cartoon is mmm oh yeah he was right I see your face and it's interesting and I've pointed this out to many people. Black people. The crows. The crows are all speaking in like jive with these racist accents. And I remember my doctor, I had a uh, what was his name? Oh, he was Korean or something.

Haddock. His doctor Haddock. And his, The examination room that I would go to him when I was a kid, I had nasal congestion, so he'd take this squirt thing and squirt saline into my nose very violently. I hated it as a kid. Very painful. And I just remember looking up and seeing all those racist crows.

They were always on the office and they were always watching. It's funny as a kid, you don't notice shit like that at all you're just like man look at these three upbeat crows i like these characters and then you go back and watch they like dumbo at least now he's got some friends you my favorite character process as a kid you're like okay well he's got three crows like he's got to get back on his feet it's all right you know before this there's the blue bear in jungle book filled a similar role and he was like a jazz guy um well that's a white man that's blue

is that his name blue yeah the guy who voices baloo also voices um little john in uh robin hood you've got some bad use that simple benefit that's a black man I didn't recognize that I loved Jungle Book Google will tell all maybe I'll be right Google gives us all types of truths that we may be in search of yes the important truths

nothing like fuck the election fuck all this stuff we need to figure out secrets about cartoons from the 1940s that's. We need to figure out secrets about cartoons from the 1940s. That's what we need to figure out. White man. White guy. You know what? It's funny because there are a lot of websites that dig that far back to bring about all the racism

that has existed for things that we watched that seemed normal to us but it still had that racist undertone that if now you're paying attention to, you'd be like, well, damn, but it's so old. It really doesn't matter now. So now they just make sure that they tread carefully when they go over certain topics. Is it racist though?

Because if you can't even tell it's racist, if I'm mixing up the crows and the bear and stuff like it, is it, I don't know, like is the airplane sees when they talk jive racist too? No. The airplane scene when they talk jive racist too? No. The airplane scene? Yeah. He's talking about the airplane. Oh, the airplane.

The movie airplane? No, that's different. That's hilarious. Yeah, that's hilarious. I'm having a hard time telling where racism starts and ends with some of these subtleties. If everybody thinks it's funny, it's not racist. Okay. Yeah.

thinks it's funny it's not racist okay I can't even say it's it's it's strange when you try to break it down it's not really strange whatsoever you're gonna always have a group of people that will look at things a certain way and it may not be racist to anybody else but to them it will forever be a racist issue and even if it isn't blatantly racist, they'll find the smallest particle of it that actually is. And that's what they're going to hold on to. So even now in 2016, we can have a regular conversation and we can talk about a lot of things under the sun. But if somebody else was to hear the conversation, they'll be like, oh, why did Dame allow that to be said? Because that was just racist.

You know what I'm saying? I think that to be said because that was just racist you know i think that the truth is that if it's racist you know it when you see it i think that's that's what was what's going on here so i think maybe why don't we watch a little bit of the racist crows okay i like that oh because i haven't watched this shit since i was nine but i remember as a nine-year-old being like hmm why are there no white men voicing these crows? You thought about that at nine? No, but I definitely noticed last time I saw this that this was racist. Oh, I forgot about the mouse. I like the mouse a lot, too.

Mouse accent. All right, you guys ready? So what we do is we queue up at zero, then we say one, two, three, play. Oh, okay. All right, are you ready? Yep. One, two, three, play. Dumbo, the ninth wonder of the universe.

The wilds only fly an elephant. Did you ever see an elephant fly? Well, I've seen a horse fly. I've seen a dragon fly. I've seen a house fly. See, I've seen all that, too. I've seen a peanut stand and heard a rubber band. I've seen a needle that winked its eye. But I'll be done seeing about everything when I see an elephant fly. What'd you say, boy?

I said when I see an elephant fly. It's still a good song. I've seen a front porch swing, heard a diamond ring. I've seen a polka dot railroad tie. But I'll be done seeing about everything when I see a elephant fly. This is racist to you guys? Not yet, no. This is just a cartoon to me. They've got a lot of scenes in the movie, though. I don't think this was indicative.

I can actually break this one down, and I can see where individuals would feel that it actually is a racist cartoon. If you noticed a little bit earlier into the cartoon, when the crow was actually flying down, and he was singing, and he's saying, I saw an elephant fly in the background of your ear. What did you say, boy? And then he says it again.

I've seen an elephant fly. And so that is something right there where for a lot of African-Americans, that would be a problem. Because, again, you know, when in slavery, boy was that term that was used to a grown man. Yeah, I don't know why that was ever. I don't call anybody boy. It would trigger a lot of individuals. I hardly call my son boy. That's what he is.

But that's your son. Here it is. I'm talking about a grown man. Yeah, I follow. Called boy by a white man. You know what I'm saying? So for Woody, for you, unless you were in those shoes, you wouldn't understand. But you have to be in those shoes.

And me personally, I just know from the stories my grandfather told me. I never had to be in that situation I haven't had a white officer Call me boy yet But then again I have not been in a state Where the white officers do Call a black man boy Or have addressed a man as such

So I haven't personally had to deal with it That's interesting I didn't notice that Of course I didn't notice that at the time Because I didn't remember it But watching back now I was like man I really don't notice this being as racist as I've been thinking. But then the boy line was like, okay, yeah, that's the reason that people think this. And if you go back further than this, it's like World War II time.

I don't know if it was Disney. But, oh, my God, look at some Japanese people in cartoons around World War II. There's nothing wrong with that. That's propaganda. That is propaganda. We needed that. And it was good propaganda, I guess. I don't care what anybody says. During war times, especially World War II, I'm all for internment camps, any kind of racist propaganda,

whatever we need to get into the minds of the general populace so they swing those hammers a little bit faster and they dig those holes a little bit quicker. Because if they don't, we all fucking die and they're going to be chopping our heads off with katanas. Yeah, we need horrible cartoons about them. Yes. That's going to solve it. Or here's the crazy thing. Here's the crazy thing. It would have been a time.

It probably was easier to pitch racism through using cartoons because there has been plenty of racism in cartoons. But because it's a cartoon, you don't necessarily think about it until we're having a conversation like this later. Especially when it's like animals because your first thought isn't like, oh, that's a black guy. It's just, just oh that's a crow that's talking like a black guy like you don't it doesn't click i bet these people thought like they were being really progressive at the time because their hindsight was like oh my god look at this video from 1909 where it's like a minstrel show and it's a bunch of guys in blackface with like uh all dressed up and doing that and they're looking at that like how horrible look at how far we've come now let's draw a bunch of like walking the razor's edge of racist characters for how many things that we do now are going to be pitched as racist later that we're not

seeing right like maybe we'll see a movie where there's a black crackhead or black drug dealer and whereas today we say oh look that's a drug dealer 30 or a black drug dealer. Whereas today we say, oh look, that's a drug dealer. 30 years forward, they're going to be like, oh my god, can you believe they portrayed a black man as a drug dealer? We're sensitive to that now. I don't think that would happen as much.

I bet they would have said that about cartoons in the 50s. No, no, no. There's got to be stuff. I just don't see that. I'm trying to think of an example. I don't think the example of a drug dealer is a good one because you see drug dealers of every shade and color and all sorts of NCIS relationships. I forget if it was Chris Kroc or Chris Tucker who portrayed a crackhead in the movie New Jack City.

That's what I had in my head. It was Chris Rock. It was Chris Rock. That portrayal in particular, I feel like they can fast forward a bit and look back and they're going to be like, oh yeah, they made him look terrible. Dave Chappelle used to do the Gotti Moore crack, the meme thing.

I feel like we might look at that as a future more sensitive self and be like, yeah, that's not how you should portray black people. But that wasn't the meme. With some stuff, you're right. With Dave Chappelle, you're wrong because that was his show.

That's him being funny. He was the genius behind that whole show. So he sat down and wrote that sketch of him being a crackhead because he sat there thinking, this is fucking hilarious. He's making fun of crackheads. All I'm saying is I feel like we're viewing it through this 2016

lens but if you view it through a 2046 lens this subtlety gets lost that's what they're gonna say about us if you've you're at 1944 lens these fucking crows my ears are probably off are not gonna see they're like they're crows what kind of sensitive super pansy are you to act like you know one line in a cartoon is a racist thing or maybe it goes back the other way maybe 50 years now they look back at uh at us and say wow they really went too far the other way didn't they nobody could really say anything i'm glad that trump won and uh started the the american empire and we took over burnt out all those brownies, and now things are all good. Destroyed the rainforest, sold a lot of it to Kyle. We were talking about cartoons and such, and just to keep the note a lighter note,

if you could bring back a television show that you loved in your childhood, what show would you bring back? And it can only be one show. Do I have to be a child? Because I really want Firefly. It's easy for me. There's no other show I'd rather have. I want Firefly back.

Is that what it's called, right? With Serenity? Yeah, it was called Firefly. The movie was Serenity. I liked Captain Planet as a kid, but because we didn't have the channel that it came on, I would

catch it. I didn't know when it came on. As a kid, nobody ever sat me down and was like, your favorite TV show comes out the same time every week so i would just catch that catch them sporadically i would i would always get up for saturday morning cartoons but if i missed it i would just miss it and back in the day you missed an episode you missed the whole thing you know you'd never catch up again oh yeah i remember never being able to satiate my uh my love for captain planet i guess that could come back right okay that's a good one uh i think if you go back and watch that show

you're gonna regret that choice there's a villain who's only a rat who just pulled yeah it's a bad show like it doesn't make a lot of sense they they like all the bad guys in that show they never had like realistic bad guys where it was like oh this is dr evil dr johnson yeah he owns this big plant and we have to stop him because he's making too many things to sell to the evil chinese or whatever it was always just like oh that's sludge sammy he just gets a real rise out of fucking up trees and brush and and swamps just for the sake of it. Just him dumping sewage for no reason. It wasn't very compelling. I didn't like that show. I would say Seinfeld

for me. I'd like to bring Seinfeld back for a few more seasons. Oh, a cartoon? Fuck, I thought it was just a show. No, he did just say show. Just any childhood show that you loved. Yeah, Seinfeld was a childhood show for me, I guess. Okay, hang on. I'll re- reevaluate. I'm getting some cards.

Damn, what's yours? Well, while you're thinking, for me, it would be Good Times. And let me tell you why I choose Good Times. It's funny because the way they have quote-unquote black television today, it's everybody successful. Everybody done made it. That's not reality. I loved Good times back in the days because whether you were a black family that actually you were living rather well, you

were able to come up out of the projects if that was your living situation, it still showcased that tough upbringing that I'm not going to take shit from my kids. I'm going to make you work twice as hard as the next person so you can have a better outcome than what it is that I had to bring you up in. I would love to see that type of show today. And I don't. So I bring good times. I would like to see Married with Children.

I always liked Married with Children. It came on late as hell. I don't remember. I was maybe like 12 or 13, I guess, watching it. I remember it would come on at like 11 p.m., which was late for me. And I loved that show. What I'm trying to think of, like, I can't tell if bringing this back now and giving the show a little bit more of a risque,

like to go a little further edge would be good, or if it's just the fact that I haven't seen the show since I was young that I like it so much. But to bring back Family Matters and have like a pretty, like maybe walk in an edge of risky humor Urkel, so much, but to get, bring back Family Matters and have, like, a pretty, like, maybe walk in, walk in an edge of risky humor Urkel, that would be really funny to watch. But now, but he's not Urkel anymore. If you've seen that

guy recently, or not recently, maybe, like, five years ago, now he looks just like a normal dude. Stefan? Who's, like, who's pretty big. Like, he's a pretty big guy who does not look nerdy and funny anymore. Maybe that's it. Well, remember, Remember he would turn into Stefan in the show, and he'd be the cool, good-looking version of him. I like that show.

He could dance and everything else, right? Yeah, he could do everything. He was the antithesis of Virgil. Yeah, everything. I like that show a lot. Married with Children, that's a great one. I wouldn't have thought of that. What's Happening would be fun. It's probably

before you guys. Do you remember What's Happening? I love What's Happening, bro. I just want to see that dude dance some more. There was one character rerun, and he was a black guy, and he was fat. And you would look at him and think that he couldn't move.

And then it seemed like every episode for one reason or another they'd find a reason to make this guy dance. And he was curiously good at dancing. He was good. He was damn good. I had a friend in high school who could do the rerun dances with the big

kicks and shit. He wore this Scottish golfer's hat with a little puff ball in the top center and uh and he would just dance and do his moves and shit and childhood me would just watch that show hoping that he would start dancing soon i think there was a fight scene at one point and uh like there was one guy was really nerdy like urkel before his day a lanky guy and uh then it just turned out Rerun was curiously good at fighting.

All of a sudden, he was like bebopping people. He protected everybody. The thing I remember most from Family Matters was at one point, Urkel, he had a crush on this. I haven't seen it in so long, but this girl on the show had just huge tits. Myra.

Myra. Myra. And i remember i would watch that show i was like maybe nine or ten and just like spent entire episodes just like waiting for myra to come on and just be like oh man oh god this show's the best you got urkel popping up and then this chick stands around like this is 10 year old heaven like because at the time like you didn't have internet or porn. You know another show that I loved? Punky Brewster, bro. I enjoy Punky Brewster. I don't even know why. I just love it.

I think I might know why. I think I know why a lot of people like Punky Brewster. They cast this like cute little 11 year old or something. don't know and then as during the show's tenure she hits puberty and oh my god like i this is going off my childhood memory but this little ship carried a lot of sail and it was like it's true puberty just hooked her up she like i don't know if if she were an RPG character,

she just loaded up on puberty points. Meanwhile, I put mine somewhere else. I don't know. What's the name of that show? Punky Brewster. Punky Brewster. We're looking piled up right now.

Yeah, this is ridiculous. I just googled Punky Brewster tits. Oh my god, we're looking at the same thing! Holy shit! We're looking at the same thing! Oh, wow! No, no, alright, so for the viewing audience, you should also google Punky Brewster tits. She didn't just grow into... she didn't just become a woman. Like, she grew some massive, freakishly big titties.

Holy shit. Wow, that show became poor. Where can I find reruns of this? Now, that is a show I want remastered in 4K. That's pretty interesting. Like, if you go on the, there are a few subreddits on the internet that you can go on. And everybody's really fascinated with this new trend of remastering old TV shows. remastering old TV shows because you can see

lots of nipples and camel toes and stuff that normally wouldn't have even been within the old aspect ratio. So going back on the old Star Trek episodes, even from the 60s, they're a little bit adult. This is... wow.

Kyle, do you need some time alone? I do. I need to look alone? I do. 20 minutes. I need to look through some archive footage. She's wearing this body glove suit. Wow. You can tell that they're just out of control

when a body glove suit like that, normal-sized boobs would look almost like they have a man chest because it's meant to compress really hard. That means that those are, you take that bodyysuit off, and it explodes like the foam you use to insulate your home.

Like, just... Yeah. Taylor froze in that position. A quick shout-out to everybody that is now Googling Punky Brewster's tits on Google and sharing along with all of our madness. There it is. It'll be a great screenshot there.

I'm pretty sure all the parents will hate us for that one. You know what I'm saying? Just to let you know. Kyle, you okay over the beat? I've moved on to some video footage. I'm looking into this now. I'm afraid I'm sharing. If you can't really Google tits and not see something,

you can't share. Yeah, if you can't really Google tits and not see something you can't share. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, some of these are not for the general audience. But I showed them the Prunky Brewster boobs. They're ginormous. One of them, I'm not even sure. Like, is that her? Is that Photoshop?

Because there's one in particular. Hey, bro. Dude, each. I think those are official, bro. But the one, each one was the size of a person. Like, they're. Yes. Yeah.'re yes yeah i'm thinking i don't know dams like i really like that show i can't really put my finger on why i was trying to go into a smooth you could put two hands on why baby

i was trying to play it off smooth but you took it there sorry that was very impressive this seems like a good time to do an ad read yeah that's a great time how can that be on YouTube I click back over and this girl's got like she's completely topless wearing panties

with her hands over her nipples and she's got a coke bottle between her titties and she's like moving around this is somehow a YouTube video. I'm going to put it in here. While I do the ad read. You can look at that if you'd like. Oh, yeah.

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MeUndies. I'm literally wearing a pair. Yeah, I'm wearing my camouflage pair right now. They're awesome. I actually bought some more the other day, so I've got like six pair now, I'm wearing my camouflage pair right now. They're awesome. I actually bought some more the other day, so I've got like six pair now, I think. And they are my go-to underwear. What happened to Taylor?

I don't know. I just saw him stuck in the position for a while. I was looking at that girl's endowment there and then when I came back he was just gone maybe he needed time alone maybe he needed some time that would be so funny if he came back and he was really sweaty

kind of out of breath yeah the internet yeah there's like three napkins on his desk You don't know why He'll be real relaxed Like you were talking about earlier after the massage

The happy beginning There's a Japanese word for it It's like the clarity Or something like that They say it's at a time when you can See the world more accurately than the rest of your life. Okay. I don't want to know that word now.

Hmm. I've got to figure that one out. Let's figure it out. Word for... Oh, you can actually click that here yeah it's uh oh yeah I say I'm ooh there's a Japanese word Ken jet take a meat go go no coming go go no me Royosa that is not the same word I'm looking at no for No. That is not the same word I'm looking at.

No? For clarity after coming? Isn't that what you're looking for? This is... How would you pronounce that word? Kenjateyamu? Kenjateyamu? Tamu? Today I learned there's a Japanese word, kenjateyamu? Tanmu?

Today I learned there's a Japanese word, kenjateyamu, for the post-orgasmic period where a man's thoughts are no longer impaired by his sexual drive and he can think clearly like a sage of clear mind. I'm going to use that word in a food review. I don't know how I'm going to squeeze it in, but I promise you I'm going to use it. That would be great. I probably should have used it for the Hooters review. I don't know how I'm going to squeeze it in, but I promise you, I'm going to use it. That would be great. I probably should have used it for the Hooters review. That would have been even better. Ah, yeah. That would have worked out. Kyle, you haven't had a text from Taylor or anything that you don't know more than I do?

Negative. No text from Taylor. By the way, that video goes on, and she's got pasties on and a bottle of wine now. How can this be on YouTube? It's between a few different females, that video. Oh, she's got a she's got like pasties on and a bottle of wine now how can this be on youtube between a few different females that video oh is this a whole of coke with your boobs video yes got over seven million views i she's yeah they've got like pasties on their nipples later on in the video i cannot share this video with my audience i i mean i don't think you can.

It is age-restricted. It's age-restricted, yeah. It would hurt. Yeah, but you know. They do have pasties on. But it's age-restricted. So if anybody wants to see it, you can just search Hold a Coke Bottle with Your Boobs Challenge compilation.

Oh, well this is just not fair. You get to like 155 and there's a dude with no pasties. I must have skipped him. Oh, my goodness. That was just completely crazy. Well, let me ask you guys, man. I mean, this whole entire podcast, like the PKA podcast, what made you guys in general come together?

You could have done this with anybody. So I met Kyle through Wings of Redemption. Here's my side, and maybe we'll learn Kyle's. Wings of Redemption was a YouTuber, still is a YouTuber, made Call of Duty videos, still makes them now and then. And at the time, his channel was exploding, and I was nobody. I think I had one or two videos. And depending on how you look at it, from what I was looking at, he was just doing a nice thing for his subscribers and doing dual comms.

I later learned that his motivation was that he was making so many videos, he was kind of out of topic ideas, so he was just bringing other people in so that he could maintain his upload schedule and keep everything rolling. Either way, it was a win-win. And he started reaching out for people who were content creators who wanted to do dual comms with him. uh the first time he did it i didn't reply because i wanted to have more of i had this really like i wanted to have more of a library on my video like people aren't going to subscribe to you if you just have like one or two videos so once i had like four or five videos um i put together a gameplay and i had with the gameplay i had a plan i'd write down like at one minute and 10 seconds this is a good thing to point out.

At 1 minute and 32 seconds, this is a good thing to point out. And I didn't get to say them all because it was a conversation that was rolling. But I did get to say a couple of them, and it really worked out. And my video with Wings went really popular, and he sort of helped me get my start. video with Wings went really popular and he sort of helped me get my start. When that video was well received, he was like, oh, you know, it was just kind of a win-win. Like he was like, oh, I like Woody. I liked Wings.

When I do videos with him, he gets good content on his channel. We hang out. We enjoy each other's company, et cetera. He introduced me to Kyle. And I remember Kyle told me his first impression of me was like who the fuck is this guy? He's honing in on my Wings of Redemption friendship. But my first impression of Kyle

was like oh this guy's really cool like I hope I can get invited into this club. And then that was it like I started meeting Pyro Puncher he eventually switched to Minecraft. Super popular. He's in some group that makes him very popular.

I forget what it is. It's a cool club's Minecraft group. But, you know, I remember I started doing dual comms with, like, other YouTube royalty and, like, getting to know people. And Kyle and Wings put their head together that we should do a podcast. At the time, Hutch and C-Nanners and a guy named Trump was doing one. And they pitched it to me, and I was like, no, no one will ever want to listen to us talking. This won't work.

And then like two days later, three days later, before the first episode, I changed my mind. I was like, can I still get in on this? Let's do it. Let's see how it goes. And shucks, now we're 300 episodes in. Yeah, yeah. Kyle, any?

I guess the question was how we came together. Yeah, I think the first time, all that's accurate as far as our online interaction. I was going to say i think the first time we met in person was in boston uh at that at that awful bar but but yeah that's pretty much it yeah wings was um looking for people to do uh stuff with and he saw video minds on the moody swedes channel and then i did a series of like dual comms talking to him and uh and i always enjoyed doing that because it just felt like free advertising and you got to talk to wings who was such an anomaly to me and i remember talking to

you know he's just there wasn't much wings redemption information you know he's an onion that has been peeled very well over the last six years but back then he was a real mystery man and and and it was just interesting to go talk to him to like see who – because you couldn't get a sense of what he was. You couldn't tell, is this guy an evil genius? Is this guy a retard? Is this guy – who is this guy? You couldn't nail him down. And so it was really interesting to meet him and talk to him.

At first, I didn't care for him at all. He just seemed to dominate conversations with stuff that just, just, just seemed self-serving. And I, I wasn't really into it, but I was like, well, I guess we'll just keep doing this. Cause I mean, he's got a lot of subscribers. It just makes sense to cop on his channel. If he wants me to, I'll do that. I'll, I'll suffer through it. And over time I started, he started growing on me. Um, he, he can, he can do that to you. And, uh, and yeah, we, I don't remember which, if it was he or I who thought it would be a good idea to do a podcast probably him maybe um i don't i really don't remember the genesis of the let me jump in i can't wait to tell this story so um first time right i never met wings i he was i

guess i wrote him uh messages or something because he was asking for people to do dual comms and i reach out to him and via like the youtube email system uh we arranged a time it was like tuesday at 6 p.m so uh it's tuesday at 6 p.m i'm all excited you know at like 20 minutes early i've got all my stuff like prepared and i'm like like a like i'm going for a job interview that's important. Oh, good. Taylor's back. We're just talking about when we first got the podcast together. So I'm there, and 6 o'clock gets there, and Wings isn't around. He's late. So I keep pinging him, pinging him. Wings isn't showing up.

He's just not there. It's like an hour later. And he finally comes online. And he's like, sorry, dude. I got real bad constipation. And I'm like, this is like the opening sentence of me beating wings of redemption. He's telling me about his bowel issues. And he's like, you're older. Do you have any advice for dealing with constipation?

And it was kind of a turnoff to me and i'm just like and i told him i was like ah you know like for me frosted mini wheat seems to have a magic effect in that regard you could try that and he's like no bro like i need i need something like chemical he's looking for a pill that fixes. Or maybe, do you have a granny with real small hands? Because my granny, she's got hands like a truck driver. And not that it don't get the job done, but damn, it hurts. So we ended up canceling the first meeting because he was so constipated that he couldn't do a dual comp. And he never took me up on my...

It's all been downhill from there. Yeah. So then the next time we met around, I guess he had got that all sorted out. And that was my first interaction with Wings of Redemption. It's about his poop. Wow. That's... I didn't know that one.

That's great. I wonder if he remembers that. No. No. Kyle already jumps out. No. I've debated so many times. I think that's a regular occurrence for him.

What would that be? Is he not drinking enough? Is he eating too much bananas? Is there too much banana in his diet? He eats too much banana. That's what's going on. I know what it is. He's eating too much tropical fruit.

Yeah, I can tell. No, Woody. He eats like 800,000 grams of nitrates a day or something like that. And like a whole large pizza. And it's getting compacted up in there. So you're going with the cheese route. Maybe don't know anything. What is a nitrate? What is that?

I think of it as like sodium, salt, anything like that that's going to make your body retain water and dehydrate. Load you up. Well in his case it's going to turn right to the sweet tea which is going to make it doubly effective. Yeah I don't know exactly what a nitrate is either.

I know it's part of the nitrogen cycle. I know that when you have a fish tank, fish pee in the tank, and that's like an ammonia compound, I think. That's the exact same thing. And then the bacteria break it into nitrites, which is very bad for fish. And then they break the nitrites into nitrates, which is also bad, but not as bad. And eventually it becomes nitrogen, which is, I think, a bad and eventually becomes nitrogen which is i think a um a plant food of some sort in the aquarium world and then if you have enough plants and filters and balgie and stuff like that that's the nitrate cycle what are you going to return to your ways of

being a reef keeper woody like my i can see that all it's going to take is like i feel like if you just saw a tank on the side of the road that was free that that's all it would start to take to get the ball rolling can you imagine that like i ditch paramotoring and just become very very interested in fish keeping clown fish you could buy for ten thousand dollars dude probably ten thousand do you know what a horrible impact a deep-seated passion in fish would have on this podcast no well for one thing your background

would be beautiful I just imagine your entire background is nothing but an aquarium wall and like new guests are like oh that's really cool is that a manta ray in there are those sea otters? What the fuck?

You'd have a basic aquarium at your house. I watched a whole show once that was about nothing more than a couple of aquarium experts putting a $500,000 around the house aquarium into Shaq's house. Oh, goodness.

I think I've seen that. It was remarkable watching Shaq go into these warehouses and, like, handpick. Be like, yeah, I want that one. And you got any of these kind of eels? And they're like, no, we don't have any of those. Those are very expensive. He's like, special order eight of them.

Because I need eight of those eels. I need one in every room. And it's like, the amount of money that guy dropped on an aquarium. It was depressing to watch the show. I probably got two-thirds of the way through and i'm like i'll never even come close to this level of success in my life that i can spend days on some decoration in one of my many palatial estates like this it was just almost upsetting have you tried being an enormous athlete it might work have i tried being an enormous athlete? It might work. Have I tried being a really, really good professional athlete?

Haven't tried that yet. Haven't tried that yet. Give it a go. You still have time. No. That ship has sailed. Oh, goodness. Fellas, YouTube has changed a lot over the years.

As we all know, we've watched content change. I've watched creators change their entire format based on what other creators told them that they need to do. What would you change about YouTube if you could change one thing today? I would add titties. Yes. Add nudity. That's a good one. That's all I would do? I would add titties. Yes. Add nudity? That's a good one. That's all I would do. I would add titties. I would monetize

those titties. Monetize titties. Let me be clear. I would monetize those titties. And full ass. No vagina. Little back burger. Just a little. We're not talking about any pussy. We're not talking about any pussy. We're not talking about any.

We're not getting like triple X rated. We're talking maybe like a lowercase X. That's all. One lowercase X. So we have like very, like any non-threatening vaginas on there. You know, if there's too much, if there's a hanging garden situation going on, that's not allowed on your YouTube. Not monetizing your grandmother's pussy. No. No siree. No. I mean, that's not allowed on your youtube just your grandmother's pussy

no no siree no i mean that's a good idea but suddenly everybody's content would become not as good because it would you would be competing against the tit girls and the tit girls would even surge ahead of makeup girls in popularity they'd be selling everything they would beat their shit out of youtube would no longer be a place where males could venture out of like comedy or gaming because if you like current events i'm not gonna watch this guy talking about current events his tits aren't even out you know what i would change i wish that you could use good music like there's so i i started doing vlogs and i don't know where my vlogs are headed for everyone wondering, but I, um, one of the biggest challenge, I spend more time on music than people might

guess. And it still doesn't come out as well as I'd like it to. And I hear songs on the radio and stuff. And it's like, oh my God, the stuff I can't have is so much better than the stuff I can. It like, I, I have a real challenge. Sometimes I'm compared to the biggest channels. I don't know how those guys are able to use those copyrighted songs that they choose, but I'm not.

My network, so I'm a managed channel, which means I'm protected. You can't just put a strike against me. A human has to find it and stuff. but my network runs tools against my channel and they just go through and find like any piece of music I've had times where I sang it's me singing and they're like yeah what do you know do you have permission to sing this I'm like really like I can't sing shit and uh you know so I'm really really really really restricted on what songs i can choose and i just feel like the whole tone of my vlogs could be so much better if i could use good music when i wanted to that'd be nice that's an actual good productive one no titties are good

to you too titties are good yeah that was a to YouTube. Titties are good. Yeah. That was a win right there. And back burger. And back burger. I like that. How much back burger are we allowed? 2.7 inches. 2.7 inches. That's almost the whole thing.

That's a lot of back burger. These are some big pussies. I feel like you get to three inches and you have most pussies covered. Because you could slide up in 2.7. Well, maybe you could. Just a tit. All right, so tits, ass, little bit of back burger, 2.7 inches, 2.8, and

get your whore ass off YouTube. Get over to RedTube, you slide. No asshole. None. No asshole? No asshole. How are you supposed to get any backburger whatsoever If they're having to squeeze their ass cheeks together You've got to be very careful It takes a particular kind of

Physique Yeah So the way you kind of just angle the GoPro action Can't use a wide lens for that Yeah a fisheye lens Yeah real fisheye lens Yeah real fisheye That would probably make The nudity look worse

It would look like there was a titty Coming at you from two sides I would stand at 2.7 just a little bit That 2.7 inches of back burger is Widescreen But honestly though I would add titties I think there should be titties and there are already a lot of nudity on youtube and it seems like maybe i think what i

want is to be able to monetize that nudity that's that's the real change i want because there's already in case people aren't are unaware an incredible amount of nudity and like sex on youtube already it's not like porn stuff. A lot of it's like how do you detect your breasts for cancer? There's a lot of porn on YouTube if you know what to search. It's weird. What do you search? I don't know.

Just know that the autobots of YouTube are out, so whatever words they use in there, they're keywords. Shut down what porn you could find however if you're slick enough you can still find it yeah you gotta look up like oh god are we talking about porn just yeah i put a bag burger just go to bing man bing is designed for it i can't let that go that quick kyle. Backburger. I've never heard that, and that's fucking hilarious. That is the best. I love that. That's not me. Don't worry.

It's nothing original. That's Kyle watching midget porn that we haven't seen yet. I feel like he's appealing to the food reviewer on the cast tonight when he refers to the backburger. Oh, it's a midget. That's a problem with the game. You shut it's a misclient. That's a game. Are you familiar

with MrSkin.com? Yes. That's where it tells you when in movies people get naked, right? Exactly. So you can search a particular female, and they will show you when and where they were nude, and they've got all the perfect examples, and they're rated up on these top lists

based on many, many different categories. And they have an award show every year about new nudity in movies. You know, like what was the best back burger of the year? What was the best like asshole reveal of the year? And they go through like all those things.

The presidential debates. and they go through like like all those things the presidential debates i shot a very unappealing asshole and an even worse backburner i have to go to mr skin right now i've never been there no yeah um it's an interesting website uh they've got a lot of content there. They go through a lot. You might think, oh, okay, so there's two or three guys in a room trying to remember when some chicks were naked. No. They have a team of people, many, many individuals,

watching hours and hours of content and documenting exactly when and where the nudity happens and putting the clips up and arranging everything. It's meticulous. There's a lot of nudity happens, and putting the clips up and arranging everything. It's meticulous. Like, there's a lot of nudity there that you might have missed. I did not expect this website to look so professional. Like, this is a very professional website. They have a podcast.

They're very popular. My God. A lot of nudity on here. That's what they do best. That's what they're known for. Yeah, that seems to be their core competency. So Stern has the guy who owns this company come on, and they discuss who's winning what award this year or whatever.

He's had him on a couple times. But then on subsequent interviews that he's done with, like, who was it? Like Kate Hudson, he's interviewing or somebody like that. He's like, have you ever heard of MrSkin.com? And they're like, these actresses have no idea. And he's like, no. He's like, well, he's got this website. And you won for like best Bush of the year 2014.

Like, congratulations. They're just like, that's so disgusting that's fucked up so yeah there's a whole nother world going on what's even worse is is i'm on the uh celebs ratings by user ratings and like angelina jolie four star it's out of four stars not five so four stars you got scarlett johansson at. And then you have some poor, like, no-name actresses down here who, like, in very unflattering looks, like side silhouettes where their belly's kind of sticking out a little bit, and they're getting slammed with one-star reviews. This is...

Man. They have a site for male... Can you link something? I'm not seeing it as cool as you are. They have a site for male nudity, too. I guess it's skin.com? I'm not seeing it as cool as you are. They have a site for male nudity too. I guess it's skin.com? I don't remember. He said it's mostly gay men who

subscribe to that one. I'm sure it's mostly straight men that subscribe to this. Well, the other one is naked men, so there would be women who might be interested. Yeah, I really don't think that many women care as much about that as we do because they're just not as visually driven as us like they it's not as it

makes sense like when you're growing up you always think like how come all the girls around aren't as like super into sex and wanting to fuck how i am all the time i mean i'm 16 they're 16 let's it is because for them it's like they know they can get it whenever they want, so they can put that on the back burner. The back burger. If anyone has a login to MrSkin.com, I have some science to conduct.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I always appreciate when the fans reach out with free anything, really. If you hook free anything really some HBO that would be helpful someone sent me an Alabama t-shirt and he's like roll tide so you know what thanks

I don't know I guess I'm an Alabama fan now I don't give a fuck I got a free t-shirt that's all I take I'd have to really hate a team to turn down free clothes. Right. Yeah. Or just like your team.

I wouldn't. Or just like not getting assaulted randomly in public. College football fans can be a little bit passionate. There's a reason I don't go to Sanford Stadium. There's a reason I don't actually go to games ever. I mean, the stuff they do to the opposing fans is bad enough,

but, you know, they're just chunking liquor bottles sometimes in there. It's just not a safe environment. Sometimes, but the fun outweighs the danger. I wear my helmet. You're absolutely right. Yeah, like I would never follow Mizzou to a game in Georgia or something. But if Georgia comes to Mizzou, I'm going to go watch the game if I feel like it. Of course, that's different. But what if Florida is coming to play?

Well, that's different because they play in like neutral ground. But like, you know, if it's Alabama and Georgia and a bunch of Alabama guys, you know, drive over to Georgia, it could be violent for you in the parking lot. It could. Yeah, especially Alabama. They take it very, very seriously because they don't have any professional sports and so everything is about roll tide and fuck auburn so my undergrads were at drexel and like i don't know they have a basketball team but who really follows the colonial athletic league like all right so let's just write them off and and then my master's was at NC State. Now, NC State does have some football teams that people give a shit about, and we get ranked here

and there in basketball and football. But I really haven't gotten over the time they made me retake classes. There was some error in paperwork where I wasn't matriculated, even though I thought I was. I was like six courses into a master's, and they just made me retake two of them. I had an A and a B in these courses and I had to retake them even though I had perfectly acceptable grades. So now every time, like, I don't know,

I just don't pull for their sports teams that much. Whenever they call me up for alumni donations, I make them sit through the same boring story I just told here where I had to retake courses. And they're like, all right, I get it. Like, you're not going to give us money.

Can I hang up? And um so yeah fuck it roll tide fuck it who is your are you a big sports guy at all dame no no not at all man i'm actually a sports hater sports hater yeah yeah see in high school i thought my life was going to be basketball It started in high school and it quickly ended in high school as well. I don't remember and recall how many bones I broke my senior year, but it was enough to let the doctor let me know I had a budding career of actually going somewhere, and that just ended. Were you good? Like, how good were you? Was it a reasonable thought to think that you'd play D1 and stuff? Like, were you good? Dude, I was handling business. I was from school to off court to playing in tournaments.

It was serious for a while, and then it all ended. And then my attitude was poor literally so how did you break a bunch of bones well you know when you when you think that you're supposed to just be playing center but you you really believe that you need to have that point guard position so you want to start crossing people up when you're damn near six feet tall in high school, extra lanky. You know, you just try to get that nice little crossover, break somebody else's ankles, end up breaking your own. That was me.

And I did it on one occasion. And then the final straw was when they actually had to cut the Nikes off of my feet in order to readjust the whole entire broken ankle at that time. That's where it was over. That's a horrible break if they have to cut your shoes off.

It took four dudes to carry me to the nurse's office that late afternoon, so it was special. Oh, man. Yeah. But that's alright, because now I get paid to eat. You know, everything turned out

alright. I mean, I think I'm pretty good at eating. Trust me, definitely would have been better, but that's all right though, man. It's always a good story to be able to tell, you know, my girls and those that are around me. So it's still great memories. You know, no ill will. So what's it like working with Rachel Ray? So what's it like working with Rachel Ray? To me, this woman is amazing. I've heard all types of stories before even being signed with her. I've heard stories after being signed with her. You gotta figure at the end of the day, this is an individual that's been in the business

for over 15 years and been doing food on television. When it comes to TV networks, you have people, producers, individuals that are in and out all the time, new hires, new faces. This means new ideas. So of course, when people come in from other networks, they want to change something that she has going on to make them more presentable to the people, more likable. And she's like, I'm not changing shit. This is built this this is my empire i built you came into my circle so of course now individuals believe that she may be this that and the third a bitch whatever the case may be because she gives off that attitude but she didn't get this far by

listening to everybody else in their mama she got this far by remaining herself from the beginning and as long as you don't conform to anything even I mean, that's with anything at all in life in general, even this YouTube life. You remain yourself and don't worry about what the next man or next female is doing. You'll be just fine in your lane. Don't try to create something entirely new based on somebody else's idea that may work for them. So that's what she's been doing. And, you know, again, great with me. When I talk to

her we have our one-on-one conversations go out to eat whatever the case is and we're good we're good i love working with her do you get like residual fame do you feel like so if you go out to eat with rachel ray and everybody's looking at rachel ray you you know they're they're looking at rachel ray but you're also like they're also thinking who's this guy with rachel ray he's probably important i kid you guys not. From the YouTube flow, I'm always used to the younger audience coming up to me. They see me in the mall. They'll stop me.

They take a picture. No problem. The moment I got that 40-year-old white woman that came up to me, and I'm sitting there like, oh, you watch my videos? And she gave me that look like, videos? No, no, I'm sitting there like, oh, you watch my videos? And she's like, she gave me that look like, videos? No, no, I watch one of Rachel Ray. And the very first one I got like that, I was like, okay, Rachel has a whole different audience. And then it was more, you know, middle-aged white women that are at home. Husbands are off with that nice cushy job.

And she's well taken care of and just taken care of home. And yet, you know, they're watching me on the show. So when they see me and recognize me in the street that's always a little different for me but you know i love it all the same her audience probably like those kind of people probably don't even use youtube except for like a you know as seen on tv product reviews or whatever like they're they don't have someone they follow that's that's interesting that's my way to think about segments of the population that it gets so natural for all of us and i'm sure all the people we know that youtube is a huge part of the entertainment that we consume not just you know i want to look up a fun video of a bear

fighting another animal which there are some great ones out there i highly encourage people to go on youtube tangents of animals fighting but there's huge swaths of people out there who don't know anything about youtube and how professional it is now in a lot of ways There's still like stupid shit on YouTube like what I put out, but there's actual good quality stuff out there, too That's like wow this I can't believe this is just some dude with Adobe Premiere So my wife falls into this demo and she watches YouTube, but she doesn't watch youtubers You know should be like all the debates happened. I wonder what Stephen Colbert said about it. I wonder what Jimmy Kimmel had to say. Oh, Seth Meyers, he's always so funny. There's Samantha Bee is one that she likes. So she's not into the YouTubers,

the dams, the Casey Neistats, the PewDiePies, the whatever, H3H3. Like, she doesn't really care that H3H3 or even No is feuding with leafy or something like that's not her scene she watches the tv clips on youtube that's her scene an interesting thing about that feud you're mentioning i don't know like details and whatnot but i watched a couple of videos about it more because i was blown away this dude named i dubs made a video about leafy and like it was more just shocking to see it and be like this has 10 million views 10 million just stop and think about that for a second like 10 million people we'll say nine and a half for people who just love it so much that they had to see it again like nine and a half million people care enough about this silly petty drama to tune in and watch

like a roast video and that kind of just elucidated in my head that like this really isn't just silly drama anymore this is something being intentionally provoked for views and for attention from all the parties involved every ship is rising maybe egos are plummeting but every ship is rising in this situation i don't know i thought i don't know the details of it, but it's a detail to lose, though. This part of the podcast eventually, just again, the direction that YouTube has been going in. And I'll never, ever look at it as an iDubbbz has a problem with anybody or Keemstar has an issue with anybody. I look at it in the sense of social media automatically connects us all. And if you see an opportunity, you either take that opportunity or somebody else will.

But these groups of individuals that all know each other, that have all been to the same event at some given point in time, have had that conversation of, hey, listen, if we plant the seed, that bitch is going to grow. And that's exactly what it's doing. Sometimes they generally don't like each other. The way I look at it is like when, for example,

iDubbbz and Leafy, they're going at each other. I don't care. Knock yourself out. They're both fighters. I don't feel like when Joe Lozon fights Jim Miller in the Octagon, these are UFC fighters, that anyone's being bullied. No. They're combatants. They're in the Octagon. These are UFC fighters. That anyone's being bullied. No, they're combatants. They're in the ring.

This is what they do. It's all cool. When one of these guys picks on a 12-year-old singing a song badly, now that's bullying. This guy didn't. You just found somebody cringy and picked on him for views and money and stuff. That's not cool. That's when Joe Lozon picks on some eighth grader in class that's a different scenario so that like i don't know i if i was king somehow regulating these bully videos i'd really look at who's getting bullied you know is it some defenseless kid somebody with yeah they picked on people with disabilities before.

You know, that just seems cruel and mean. Who did? Or maybe you don't want to give names. I don't know. It doesn't matter. I don't even care. Yeah, we'll go. But, yeah, you know, like autistic people and stuff like that, they'll pick on.

And it's like, wow, you know, that just seems mean. You know, that guy. But if it's two YouTubers with three million subscribers who have whole video series of, like know look at this look at uh i don't know drama alert or whatever and that's like their shtick and if they start fighting you're right i don't see it as like uh bullying i see it like dame says of i would not be surprised if these guys had a little skype conversation beforehand and thought about this and plotted it out now i don't think that about this particular idubbbz thing because I watched his whole video. It was too long, but it was also pretty fucking funny.

And it was way too mean to have been a pre-agreed upon thing. Yes. Like, it was just, it was too brutal to be pre-planned. It's funny. They, um, so, uh, who's the guy? Leafy. He made it so you can't write chin in his comments like chin because that was like a big part of his focus i i guess he has um is it called a weak chin the profile

where people are kind of down is that the term for it and um i never noticed before i guess because he always looks like this and uh so uh he made it so that the word chin is censored. Now, my channel has like 100 censored words. Like I have no right to give anybody shit about censored words. Yet I still thought it was pretty hilarious that he put that one in there. And everyone made a really big deal out of it. I don't even want to give out my list of censored words because people would work around them. Now people are going to leave long paragraphs of horrible things hoping to find them.

Oh, they will, but they won't know which one. Like, it's really hard to figure out, like, which word got – and they're not all curse words and stuff. There's words where, like, someone will say a thing, and I'm like, you know what? That adjective is never used in a nice comment. It's gone. It's out of here. Like, I don't know. No one's ever said blue in a nice comment. It's gone. It's out of here. Like, I don't know.

No one's ever said blue in a kind comment. So you know what? Blue is censored on my channel now. Fuck it. Hey, you know what? You guys, go over to my channel. I have censored all prepositions. Best of luck communicating with me.

There is 126 letters. That's completely forbidden. Best of luck. Yeah, try and leave a comment. what works you to test things out it's a words on your channel oh yeah yeah yeah I never I never strongly promote violence but when I first started watching any type of content creator on YouTube aside from the way William Johnson's and everybody else the one that I enjoyed watching the most was Kimbo slice and I don't know if you guys remember him but that man was whooping ass weekly whooping bloody ass

weekly on YouTube you know what fuck a drama fuck a beef if they could bring that back on YouTube then I'd actually start watching again. Don't sit there and talk to me about your problem. You could meet me in such and such location, and as two grown men, we will fist fight it out until one of us ain't getting back up. Well, the challenge with that is he is dead now, so...

Oh, I forgot about that. He did die. Those fighting videos were... It was fun to watch the whole transformation of his entire video. Because a lot of the time it was clear that Kimbo's crew had spoken to the crew of Billy Bouncer across town. And they organized it. And Kimbo and Billy hadn't spoken before. And then you see Kimbo walk through the fucking broken wooden fence into the shipyard.

And then the other guy walks around the corner, and you see Kimbo, and you're like, God damn, that doesn't look like a street brawler. That guy's shredded. You can tell that there is some bull testosterone coursing through his veins, and then Billy Badass comes around the corner, and he's just a big, doughy guy who has the benefit of the doubt at the bar that he uh you know works security at because he's like six seven but just full of flab and just gets annihilated and nobody stops it

until it's far too late dude far too late i so i looked at kimbo and i didn't love kimbo like my view of him was he was usually overmatched in his not i guess he was the overmatched guy in that he'd fight someone and you're like oh oh, well, Kimbo's got like 40 pounds on this guy. And he has some decent boxing and like, I don't know, just kind of badass. So then this cop is like, Kimbo's a punk. I'll fuck him up. And the cop's name was Sean Gannon. And all Kimbo and Kimbo's people are like, what?

And the cop was his weight. Like, they were roughly in the same size. But he was white, and he looked, like, doughy and almost soft to me. Not weak, just soft. It wasn't like he was about to step in the UFC or anything. And the cop beat the fuck out of Kimbo. Like, they went in there, and all Kimbo's people kept pushing him back in the fight even though he was gassed and beat up and uh you know the cop just like beat him down and then they give

him like a 35 count or something and then he like gets up again they beat him down again and uh kimbo just lost he eventually had a fixed mma career more or less and the beginning of that video where he fights the cop, I don't think there's one person in the world who watches that and is like, this cop is going to beat his ass. Because he does look doughy. But then maybe five seconds into the fight, I remember watching it, you realize that that doughy exterior,

he's got that farm strength that you hear about. He's probably been throwing bales of hay and big machinery, and he just quickly takes control that was that was neat to watch but i also didn't like it as much because like well god damn it now this illusion of this invincible street warrior has been shattered like i kind of wanted to see him win so that i could continue to believe this dude is actually this guy invincible street he eventually fought i forget what the name of the mma organization was.

Like, he did fight some in the UFC, but he just got beat up all the time. But he fought in another organization where he was their champion, right? And the whole thing was, Kimbo was the ratings draw. He was everything for these guys. And the opponents he fought weren't allowed to do stuff. Like, Kimbo had no ground game, right? Like, he couldn't defend takedowns. If he got them on the ground, he didn't know what to do stuff. Like Kimbo had no ground game, right? Like he couldn't defend takedowns.

If he got them on the ground, he didn't know what to do. So they would just say, all right, all right, here's some extra money in the back room. Don't take down Kimbo. And people are like, what? Like yeah, you take down Kimbo, you're out of this, you'll never work again. And like imagine, like the day they used to make this argument,

imagine going against the Patriots and say they're bad against the run. All right, so you give the Dolphins some money and you say, only pass. You're going to have to play this game passing only. You can't run forward with the ball. It's fucking illegal. Like, there were, there's, like, Vegas betting on these things. And they would tell the fighters they weren't allowed to fight in certain ways. And that's how Kimbo stayed for a while. And then eventually

some guy on the undercard, Seth Petruzzi, Petrelli, something like that, Kimbo's opponent got hurt or sick or pulled out. So they grabbed this guy who wasn't even going to be on TV and pulled him in the event with Kimbo and he knocked him out. Was that the guy with the

green hair, rainbow hair or something? Yeah. I remember that i watched that live that was awful he was a real fighter we he was on the ultimate fighter if you were see we we all thought that kimbo was gonna win i remember watching that and thinking like oh this is the guy now now is his moment we're gonna see and that kid comes out just knocks him the fuck out and everybody was just like huh i think the people who fight on tv are better than the people who fight on the internet the tv fighters destroy the youtube fighters because you could see like i remember that fight it was like immediately kimbo just like basically

bull rushed the guy and the other guy not being a bouncer for a local strip club sidestepped him like grabbed him and then just beat the side of his head and then like the ref came over and was like stop okay okay he's out and the guy's face for a second was like because it was only like seven seconds into the fight he's just like he's looking at his arms i'm so surprised like yeah i did it wow like 15 minutes ago i didn't know i was fighting and i just won he had that really awful, awful pink or green hair, which you just know Kimbo was looking up in a daze at that hair, like, this is how my career ends.

Wicked up by some guy who's got Pantene Pro-V and a bunch of color in his hair. Kimbo did a bunch of steroids and died early. It is more than likely he was probably better off never going into MMA. It would have been great to pretty much enhance his fighting technique It is more than likely he was probably better off never going into MMA. It would have been great to pretty much enhance his fighting technique if that's what he really wanted. He probably could have just stayed in the gym for that,

but never had taken it public on TV for it to be seen. Just stick to whipping ass on YouTube. You were getting money. You were doing what you had to do. Be the big fish in that small pond. Yeah. And then he could have gone on TV and movies and stuff, and it would have been fine.

Do it a little bit differently, but don't go out there with the big boys that really do this for a living, for real, for real, and think you're going to be a champion. It don't work that way. Exactly. If I'm Kimbo, I'm fighting people who don't fight back. That's the key.

Yeah, the key is to, if you can organize... Hey, Woody, did you just call him Floyd Mayweather? Oh, goodness. All right, let me do this second advertisement. I'm going to tell everyone a little bit more about Casper Mattresses. Casper Mattresses are obsessively engineered American-made mattresses at a shockingly fair price, and now you can get $50 toward any mattress purchase by going to

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purchase by going to casper.com slash pka and using code pka. I've still got mine, of course, and I really love that bed. It's so wonderful. When you open it out of the box it expands really slowly like space age foam right yeah yeah it's uh i i think um everybody was like oh it'll have to inflate for a long time but it you know inflates in like a minute two

minutes or something like that and it goes from this really small box that i don't know it's about twice the size of my computer tower to like a king-sized bed yeah you don't have to inflate it it just it's in its foam and it comes in great it's like if you vacuum sealed a knife and you cut that wetsuit off a punky Brewster the way that her tits would grow out of it almost like one of those like dinosaurs you put in the water that's really small and a pill and it grows. At our house, it's like everyone's waiting for the mattress to arrive. We need the mattress. We have guests coming. There's timing involved

etc. And it's like, oh, is the mattress there? Honey, the mattress came in. And you look at it and it's a curiously small box. Like something a computer monitor might come in. How can this be? You take it out of the box. It's in a plastic thing. And then you open that on the bed because you don't want to carry it later.

And it's a show. We all get around. You know, like the whole family and Dr. Chiz are like, let's watch the mattress do its thing. And you open it up, careful not to like cut the mattress itself, just the plastic. And, you know, sure enough, you're like, wow. Yeah, like I had my doubts that such a small thing could be such a big thing but much like my manhood it gets the job done so is it just just ridiculously heavy when you get it pick up that box it's quite heavy it's a two-person job i i slid my box through the

home like like i got the box like up the steps and into the house and i just like put my weight on it like i was doing a push-up on the edge of the box and just ran like sliding it through the whole house you move your back it's just like a child i can picture your your feet slipping and your socks yeah no my flip-flops i mean my flippy floppies i'm just fucking running like like and when i go around the corner like my butt slings all the way around because i'm in such a hurry and yeah that's exactly i remember it well that's exactly how i moved that box oh yeah i like that bed a lot that's the best bed i've ever had um it's such a it's a thousand

dollars right like that's not a huge amount of money. I think a king size is like $900. It sounds like a lot if you've never bought a mattress before, but go ahead and look around online at mattress prices, and you'll very soon realize $900 for a king is not expensive. I got a headboard off of Amazon for like $250 or something like that, so I really, really like my bed right now. It's the nicest bed I may have ever slept in. Usually when you go to a nice hotel or something like that,

the bed's not even that great. I'm kind of... Shit hotels have even worse beds. And not like shit like Motel 8. Even like a Holiday Inn or some of the Marriott's I've stayed in. Not great. Hard. Unforgiving. Those mattresses are always really stiff. some of the Marriott's I've stayed in. Not, not great. Hard. Unforgiving. Um, the,

the, those mattresses are always really stiff. Um, I, you don't think about it, but man, it's really gross to be sleeping on that mattress at hotels and stuff. And I've slept on some,

in so many hotel beds, there's just no use even thinking about it, but it is a little gross. It's so much like, not, I guess they vacuum up most of like the hair that would fall out of people's heads and arms and balls or whatever. But all that skin that's like sloughing off naturally like apparently mattresses can weigh like an extra 50 pounds if they've been used at hotels

a lot because skin accumulates that's a lot of dried semen i made that fact up, but it could be real. No doubt. One thing you can do with the castor mattress is you can cut a small slit about 2.7 inches long. Are you having sex with this slit? Is that where we're headed? Of course not, Woody. Crazy me.

Woody, we wouldn't tell people to fuck their Casper mattress any of our sponsors great product I mean would you just open the hole in me undies and get at your Casper mattress and have a party you know I don't know which would be better you cut the slit right in the Casper mattress and have a party? We would never suggest that. You know, I don't know which would be better. You cut the slit right in the middle and just humped straight onto the mattress or, now think about this, if your bed is at the appropriate height, what you can do

is like, if this is the side of the bed, you cut the slit there and then you can insert and you can adjust the tightness of the bed by applying pressure from above. Also, if you're laying on top of the bed and fucking it you can adjust the tightness of the bed by applying pressure from above. Also, if you're laying on top of the bed and fucking it like that, if someone walks in, you have

no chance of covering your ass. No, no, you keep planking like you're doing ab exercises. One, two, you gotta keep going. You're just wiggling around. I'm working out, could you give me a minute?

And they're like, oh, I don't mind. Go ahead, finish. 27, 28, 29, 30. All right, that's the end of the workout. You don't actually finish, Jesus. Well, then you're not using your magic. This is a happy beginning and a happy ending. Self-cast for magic. Hey, fellas, what I'm going to do right now, I'm going to put the three of you stranded on an island. Both a happy beginning and a happy ending. Got it.

Hey, fellas, what I'm going to do right now, I'm going to put the three of you stranded on an island. You can bring three things with you. What would it be? I love your questions and themes that you bring every time. It's great. I'll bring it down. All three of us have to be on an island together. We're all together?

And we all get three things. All right. A boat, a GPS, and some food. I mean, that's the rational answer. Woody. A mermaid? Fruit roll-ups?

No. I bring a Casper mattress because I'm going to get horny on that island. It's just the three of us, Taylor. They float, too. They might float, yeah. They probably don't. It probably would get very waterlogged and heavy.

Hey, we're not... Woody's like, hey, don't promise the people their mattresses will float. They're going to be mad if they don't. So, do we all... We get three things between us, or three each three each no it's going to be three things between you between you okay so what do we got unless you take the island by yourself then it'll be the three things you bring but the three of you on there basically one each of you get one item all right we each get one item i I need to think, because I need to pick something practical, because Kyle's item

is going to be something only for him. And Woody's item... I'm a selfish bastard. I was already picturing what Kyle... What were you going to say? Go ahead. We need fire. We've got to have fire, right? But I know Woody's going to pick fire. So, well, I guess that kind of ruins this game

if I say that. So I guess I would pick... I want something like a... Honestly, I want that kind of ruins this game if I say that. So I guess I would pick... I want something like a... Honestly, I want like a metal pot. I know that may sound stupid, but I think like a big, hardy metal cook pot would really make life going forward really easy. Even if we have to make fire by rubbing sticks together or some other bullshit for weeks till we make it work.

If we could boil water in a big pot like and have a big enough pot that we could even like wash ourselves with it some like i feel like that improves life in so many ways you can cook and purify water you could bathe yourself you could you know i want a big cook pot a big cook pot that's good that's actually a really good one i would go for i was gonna say a hatchet but I guess there's no size limit. So, like, just a good big axe we could use. I was going to go for a rifle with a lot of ammo. Not only can it protect us, not only can it get us food, but I feel like you break apart the ammo and you can start a fire.

Oh, right. Because I feel like I could get gunpowder to catch fire. Heck, Taylor's glass is in some gunfighter and we got a fire. Oh, man, we don't need gunpowder to catch fire. Heck, Taylor's glass is in some gunfighter, and we got a fire. Oh, man, we don't need gunpowder with these lenses. This focuses in. I burn myself sometimes if I stay on the sun too long because I'll just look at the wrong angle and I'll just. Is that true?

No. Or am I helpful? No, it's not true. I'm just joking about my eyes being so, so terrible. That's not a joke. My eyes are so, so terrible. But, yeah, you would need that gunpowder to start a fight. Yeah, if I were you, I'd bring an extra pair of fucking glasses,

because it's going to be a long time on that island. Yeah. You're right. And having you to be able to see so that we can overpower Woody and take his weapon. Having to go into any survival situation as someone with bad eyes is like, I can fantasize about whatever I want, but as soon as the fucking Costco optometrist shuts down, survival situation as someone with bad eyes is like i can fantasize about whatever i want but as soon as the fucking costco optometrist shuts down the beginning of the end starts for this guy

because my eyes eventually these glasses are gonna break and my eyes at this point in time i just have to hope the apocalypse starts after my eyes stop getting worse so as long as the apocalypse is post lasik i'll be fine have you thought about lasik yeah i thought i think i've talked about i went to my eye doctor like eight months ago or so when i was getting these glasses because i'd only worn contacts for years at that point because i didn't have glasses that i wanted to wear or that let me see well and i was asking him like hey i'm 25 now you think lasik in my future you know that's kind of the age they say you can get LASIK because your eyes stop getting way worse.

And he's like, yeah, maybe not for you. Looks like your corneas are very, very thin. I don't know if we'd want to risk a surgery there. I wouldn't want to mess it up. And he's like, oh, okay, well, this has kind of just been what I've been banking on my entire life. And for you to just flippantly say, sight for you you don't get to see we're not taking a risk on your eyes like i didn't like that so i'll have to go to someone else and

and see if they'll do it but i don't want to do it probably for another four years or so you're right you need to find an optometrist with a little gamble in him i like your style here you want to find an optometrist who's like fuck fuck it. Let's see what will happen. A Mexican optometrist is what I need. Someone who's really going to go in. Well, maybe not in Mexico. I don't think they have any regulations on LASIK surgery in Mexico. But definitely, maybe I do one eye. Please do not move.

He's a very powerful laser. I've told this story before. So my friend in New York City went to apparently like a highly respected high class, like super LASIK guy. And he did a great job and ended up well. But he paid $8,000 for his LASIK surgery. And they scheduled it on the eighth hour. So like every seven and a half minutes, they had another customer come in. So they had like several rooms going on.

And his appointment was at whatever, like 5.07 and a half. And they prepped him. The nurses got everything. He just kind of came there, checked over the settings, hit the LASIK surgery button or whatever the hell he does, and then he moved on. Every seven and a half minutes, he earned another $8,000. Wow.

And that was in the 90s. That's awesome. I would not have gotten LASIK surgery in the 90s. Speedy optometry. He's happy. He said it felt like his eyes were sandy, like there was sort of sand or grit under there for, I don't know, a day and a half, two days.

And then he was just... Oh, and his vision wasn't better. And then after that time expired, he was like, oh, it was better. They fixed his eyes. My mother got LASIK twice, and it just didn't take, I guess. No improvement.

So don't go to Georgia. Don't go to Georgia. Have you ever seen a video of the surgery of LASIK? I've seen clips. Like, you know, I see the eyes all crazy open, like a clockwork orange, and then some sort of machine pulling down on them that reminds me of that light they get at you in

the dentist's office. But I haven't watched a full-on video of the whole procedure. So, fellas, talking about eyes, it's kind of crazy, right? They say when you actually lose one of your senses, another sense actually becomes enhanced.

So, if you were to lose one of your senses right now, which sense would you want to be enhanced, and why? Which would you want? I was like, I know I'm going to lose my sense of smell and become like a premature ejaculator or something. I'm going to be double fucked. All great.

So first of all, what sense do we want to get rid of? Because clearly we don't want to get rid of the big one, like sight. You lose touch, it's all over. You're burning yourself cutting cutting yourself bleeding out you don't even know it i could do without taste i might just get no i would rather die than live with that taste taste is as important as sex they are equal i lose my sense of taste it's bullet to the head i lose my dick bullet to the head would 18 year old kyle have agreed with this i feel like this is 30-year-old Kyle talking.

No, food is enormously important. I get so much comfort and joy and pleasure from food. I like cooking food. I like I'm not some pretentious foodie or anything, but I like really nice food. And I think I've got a fairly refined palate despite

my Taco Bell jokes. I really like nice food. If I lost that, I just wouldn't want to keep going forward. So I want to lose my sense of smell. It sucks to lose any sense, but I want a sense of smell. And I would love it if my sense of sight improved to the point where I'm sort of like a superhumanly talented marksman because I know when I use a high-powered scope, I'm more accurate.

So I'm thinking like if I look through a 12-power scope with 20-5 vision, am I really going to be zoomed in there, really going to be able to see more detail, really going to be better? I like the idea of my sight improving to the point where I'm like a human telescope or something. All right, I like that. That's a good one. Taylor, what's going on? I think we're all going to be on the same page of losing smell because that just seems like at the very worst.

You don't watch anymore, boys. Yeah, you don't smell things that are bad for you at the mall or wherever so you're not going to be as tempted to go eat bad food so that's good and the one i want to improve oh man it's hard probably i mean being able to hear really well first thought very good right but you can't turn off your hearing the way you can turn off your eyes and so i'm agreeing with kyle because for a while i was thinking ears but i'm just imagining laying in bed and like hearing my partner's like heartbeat next to me and just being like oh this is fucking awful and then anytime someone like drops it like like cuts their chicken incorrectly on a plate and you hear

like realize that your wife or girlfriend isn't actually going to look in the mirror. She's been farting in the bathroom for your entire existence. You're like, Jesus Christ! You hear these long, disgusting, wet farts every time your significant other steps away for some... Oh, uh-oh! I'm gonna go get the nail clippers.

I'll be right back. And you hear, as she leaves the room and then just... And then her going, oh, God, that's terrible. And the whole time you're sitting there just listening to the lie, just pretending like you believe and just being disgusted. That's why eyes are the correct answer. Because you don't have to get good seats at the theater anymore or at

concerts it's also better at hunting your sense of smell one thing i'm always thinking about whenever a character has super smell is doesn't everyone stink to this guy now isn't he walking around in a cloud of just wretched vomitous stink because i don I don't know, if you're walking outside and you're hot and sweaty, your ass crack is going to smell terrible. It's like BO and shit if you've been working all day and sweating. But if you've got super

smell, then every human being around you is just exuding BO and shit. That would be a horrible world to live in. Everything would smell horrific. This is a good example i was in college my freshman year and my buddy who was in the same dorm as me was fucking his girlfriend so me and his roommate we were all friends we were hanging out in my dorm at

the time and i we went back over there after they were done just to hang out and play some whatever video game it was at the time and i walked in i sat down and like it's like god it smells bad in here like god jesus and like we played for like half an hour until eventually i was like zach dude like it smells like cum in here did you guys clean up after you fucked and she's like he's like no she just gave me head i'm like okay well where did she spit your cum he's like in the garbage can and i'm like okay so that's why it smells like cum in this entire hallway now is because you just spit your load in the garbage can like that is that's something that is too much asparagus in his diet or something.

He's sticking up the hallway. You wouldn't just be smelling farts and cum near you. You'd be smelling farts and cum all over the place. You'd very quickly realize that cum is a lot more places than you think. Just watch any mystery show. It's all over the place. Lots of criminals jack off before they make a way. I wonder the alternate universe comic book

where Superman has had enough of listening to the farts and smelling the queefs. And he just flies up to like 4,000 feet and just goes, eee! And just roasts all of humanity so he doesn't have to smell it anymore. So I think I want to get rid of taste. I know there's a pleasure coming from it, but I feel like it would make me thinner and hotter. So, you know what? Let's do that. It's like a diet. It's like

an appetite suppressant. We'll get rid of taste. The thing I would like to improve about myself is not one of the five senses. If I could, I'd like to be able to tolerate heat more. I feel like months of my year are kind of fucked by the fact that it was 99 all summer long even september was like 94 every goddamn day until lately so if i liked it when it was 98

outside that would be a huge upgrade to my life but given that that's not one of the senses i guess i'll take sight taste is something that I think that that would make you do other things that were worse for you in order to replace that kind of pleasure drip in your brain that you would no longer be getting because you're not a big drinker

clearly I think your pleasures are probably food and then adventurous things like paramotoring, you get a lot of pleasure from stuff like that so if you took out taste, suddenly, well, I'm not a drinker, I'm not a drug user, I'm not this, that. You'd have to go into crazier and crazier adrenaline stuff

trying to get that dopamine drip going again. It's animal torture. That's what you go to at that point. It's the only way to get your fix. You'd have to torture small animals. That's what a lot of serial killers do. You don't want that. That's why Andrew's got that fucked up ear. I wouldn't be surprised. I don't know what you

did to that poor dog. I want to get some kind of a dog whisperer and like, tell us the truth. What did you do? Dude, you mentioned paramotors. It's not a paramotor story, but on Saturday, we're going to a new airport. And it's a big deal for me. This airport is centrally located amongst all my paraphrase.

So we're really banking on the notion that this will make it easy for us all to get together and fly. It's been years since I've walked into a situation like really trying to get people's approval. And that's it. They're having some sort of like annual meeting like the board of directors for the airport will be there it's a private little grass strip airport but there's hangers and there's like a cookout type barbecue thing going on and uh i don't know i just have to somehow impress them to allow this like because they don't have any other paramotors flying out of there they're all airplanes and it's weird i'm like man like i've been either the customer or the boss

mostly for a couple years now you know it's been a while since i have to walk in and like oh i hope they like me so explain this to me is is there a chance that you go in there and like they see you fly and they're like oh that seems really dangerous really dangerous. We don't want that here. I think it's more like this is a private club. The airport is owned by a club. And part of it is what I fly that makes it a little weird. And part of it is they don't know me. So I guess I have to walk in and be so charming

that they like me. And I'm like, man, I wonder if i'm any good at that i guess i'll find out well good luck to you i hope that all works out um is it all of you going or is it just you or like me and and brad who you may have seen in a video here and there yeah yeah he flies helicopters for the army if people don't know and i'm kind of counting on it like i'm hoping that it lays out like this like hey is it okay if brad and i come or do you hate america like that's that's what i'm hoping it plays out as well i see he was good enough to fly his chopper for uncle sam and burn all those iraqis for your but all of a sudden now, he's not good enough to land

at your precious... Okay. Yeah, that's how we're hoping it goes down. And it's cool having them, because I don't know, they were just talking airplane shit. Some of it I know, because I've taken an interest in watching YouTube videos and whatnot. But some of it I didn't, and he just...

I don't know, he went into pilot mode or something. They're asking him questions and everything. Like he's answering with things like Roger, you know. And he was just, it was like he was on an air nav radio or something talking about stuff. They're talking about flight patterns. And if you want to talk to me about flight patterns, I'd be like, I tend to land into the wind probably over there, right? But they're talking about left circles, right circles. He's like, I think we'll just do a helicopter pattern.

I don't even know what a helicopter – That's because they fly aircraft. Yes. And you have a chair with a big fan on it. And a kite. Yeah, yeah. Six of one. So, like, I don't know.

It's on my mind. I've been thinking about it for a couple days now and like i i have to go in there and make a good impression and get them to like me enough to fly my like lawn chair kite thing uh out of their airport let's hope it works out well good luck wait we didn't get your sense choices. My sense killing and revive. So as far as the sense that I do not mind losing, it would actually be sound. Hearing, I can just let go because I don't always listen to people to begin with now as is. So if I don't hear individuals, it wouldn't even bother me. You know what I'm saying?

I'll just pick up sign language, and if you understand sign language, great for you. And as far as reviewing foods, I believe I would love to enhance the taste. So I want to be able to break ingredients down within the food that I actually review. I enjoy reviewing food. I could talk about food all day long. But if I could actually break down the ingredients that you put into the ribeye to bring about those flavors, and I mean the individual ingredients, I could taste them. I would love to be able to do that. I can imagine how that would go. Like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Instead of molasses, this is riboflavin and red dye number nine. But it's kind of working for me. It would just enhance the review, man. It would just kind of take for me. What is it? It enhanced the review, man. It was just kind of taking it to the next level. You'd be the best wine guy of all time because you'd actually be able

to take a drink and be like, ah, are these northern green grapes from California? And there's a slight smattering of southern California grapes. Like, my God.

See, I know so little about wine I can't even make up words that you would say if you knew a lot about grapes. Like, my God. You know? See, I know so little about wine, I can't even make up words that you would say if you knew a lot about it. Ah, oak! Aha! Like, whatever you say. The whole wine reviewing thing. Like, there's some people who are, like,

super experts, sommelier, et cetera. And then there are other experts who say that that first group is full of shit. That they can't taste the things they're saying they taste, that they're not super tasters. It's weird to me that the whole thing exists in some sort of limbo slash controversy that we don't even know if this is real.

It's not real. Wine is bullshit. They cannot tell the difference. They've done that thing where they put the $10 bullshit wine in front of the world wine experts, and they can't fucking tell the difference. It's red or it's white. And that's about it. There's good.

There is wine that tastes good, but it's price has virtually nothing to fucking do with it. It just not, it's a big conspiracy. It's bullshit. It's people selling you rotten grapes for incredibly exorbitant amounts of money. You go to restaurants where they have like 300% markup and you're buying

like a $600 bottle of wine. You're getting fucked in the ass and you're swallowing it and you're paying $600 for it. Stupid. I've never had a wine. There was a lot of anger. I want to be like this wine. Because I paid for some expensive wine. Look, I don't mind buying an expensive steak.

I will buy a $100 steak. If it's some sort of special fancy Kobe beef. I don't mind this steak. No, it's good because there's a difference. We're talking about how the fat is marbleized within the meat. We're talking about how it's prepared. We're talking about that $25,000 oven they use to cook it and char grill it back there. The same thing they say about wine where they're like, oh, hand-picked gently by the hands of Cambodians in southern wherever the hell.

And then gently packaged and shipped here. The things I'm talking about, the taste, the texture, and the look, and all that stuff. But the wine thing is just bullshit. It's rotten grapes. It's not good. I don't mean that it's not good. What I mean is

there's no top-tier wine that's worth more than $100 a bottle. There's just not. I don't believe that. I don't think that it's not good. What I mean is there's no top tier of wine that's worth more than $100 a bottle. There's just not. I don't believe that. Yeah, I don't think there is either. I just don't. I've never had a wine that I liked as much as like a beer that I kind of like. Like a middling, middle-of-the-road beer beats out like really high-quality wine every time.

Probably because I don't have a taste for wine. But I don't know. It can't all be a scam, right? I it i know now i've got a great idea all right so here's what we do i'm gonna go out this week i'm gonna buy some wines uh i'm gonna buy some wines that i think i will enjoy and i'll do a bit of taste and we'll do a bit of taste testing perhaps and we'll break out our breathalyzers. Yes. And we'll see how that goes. I don't think that I can tell the difference between wines. I think I'll make a taste test with maybe the cheapest shit I can find and something pretty fancy.

You'll have to have Kitty label them in a blind test. Put it on the bottom of the Dixie cup, write one magic marker letter on the bottom of the dixie cup mix them up i can't see the bottom until i want to that's a good idea i wonder how you would do if you ranked them most expensive to least expensive do you think that it would be totally up in the air do you think you'd be able to 100 up in the air and and and maybe there's some aberration where like oh look got them all he's a wine genius and i'm gonna call bullshit again or there may be a situation where i can't get any of them um because i don't think anyone can and yes that trump shirt is hilarious i saw it earlier today and not only is it funny but the guy who's styling the hair for that gif does it so well. Yeah. Yeah, that's a funny shirt.

Yeah, I like that a lot. It's just someone combing Trump's hair on a shirt. This shirt's probably really expensive because it's so topical right now, but this is going to be a solid thrift shop find in about five years. All the hair's going to be all matted.

All matted and dogs will chew and peed on it. That's not going to make it through one or two trips to the dryer, I guarantee it. That's not going to be a long term shirt there. That's so funny though. Oh man. Something about

have you guys watched the most recent South Park? Yes, I did. Yeah, I think we've all seen it. Except maybe Dan. Yeah, I probably missed that episode. South Park. Do you watch South Park at all? I haven't watched it in a while, actually.

No, they were really good this week again. They're being really funny this season. With the whole political thing. I didn't know if they were going to get preachy about it or whatnot, but they seem to just be having a lot of fun shitting on everything. Yeah, yeah. I've enjoyed it this season so far.

I might have liked last season a little bit better, but I'm enjoying it. I want to see where this is headed. I want to see where the whole storyline with Cartman is headed, because right now I'm just kind of... I don't think it's that great. But I like Member Berries.

And I like that Kyle's dad is Skank Hunt. And he's out there trolling women until they kill themselves. And I think that's all funny. It's a well-made show. And I like how topical it can be. Because they make it in one week. Clearly, they watch the debates and then incorporate a little bit of that into the TV show

that was going out Wednesday night. I was actually looking for some sort of hint that the debate section happened after the debates, and I saw none. I'm on Woody's side with that because I saw the debate came up, and I was like, man, it's only like five minutes into this episode. There's no way they waited until Monday to write the rest of this.

And you could tell they didn't really watch the debate before because it was just kind of what someone would predict the debate would be. It didn't have any direct call-outs to it. I'll definitely agree with you there. There weren't any – it could have been made before. But I was watching a thing the other day. I was reading an article rather. I don't know what what site but they were doing it on south parts 20th season and it was monday uh and the season premiere was coming out on wednesday and they seemingly weren't done yet because i don't think they're spending their like you might think

yourself well wouldn't they be spending this off off time like making the show but i think they're kind of like working one of them lives in uh one of them like commutes in from across the country to uh to work on the show yeah i think like trey lives in colorado and anytime he's not because they're both from colorado i think maybe one of them is like literally flying in from new york every week for four days to do the show and then back to New York or something crazy like that. So when they come into work on the show, they didn't have the whole episode done. It was Monday. They did like – they kind of – they're doing a great job commenting on like making Trump look like an idiot but also playing up the fact that like all the characters who just can't help but love Trump because they're just their only rationale is like,

well, at least he's not talking like another politician. As he says, like, ridiculous out there, makes no sense things, everybody's rationale is, well, at least he's not Hillary and it doesn't sound like he's prepared this. It just sounds like that's a dude who walked up there and started talking. It sounded pro-Hillary to me. Like, you've got Trump who's saying, please don't vote for me. I'm not qualified. I don't know what I'm going to do. I've just been lying to you

this whole time. I never thought I'd get this far. My opponent is a liar and cannot be trusted. Yes. Yeah, so they don't paint Hillary in a positive light. If I was looking for bias, I'd find more towards I don't even know what towards means.

I'd find more negativity towards Trump. I know they're parodying Trump there, but technically speaking, they raped Trump's character to death last season. They raped him to death. Did they? That's not nice. Yeah, remember he became the new Canadian Prime Minister

and Mr. Mackey, or not mr mackie what's his name um mr garrison uh got into a barrel went over niagara falls came out naked in canada um and then he he went and fucked donald trump to death yeah uh yeah that's the callback when he says fuck him all to death fuck him death that's what he does that's how he handles yeah it's been it definitely was more harsh on Trump, but I don't think that's because they had some agenda as much as they're writing a comedy show

and it's easier to make fun of Trump than it is to make fun of Hillary because he has way more personality. You can only make the same few jokes about Hillary over and over until you get to like, okay, what are we talking about now? This is just a politician, you know? Kind of.

Anyway, that's it. All right. So the vice presidential debates are next week. I'm not going to watch that. I couldn't care any less about that. I really care. Because Trump's VP is from crazy town, and he's like a religious nutbag like who want who doesn't believe in separation between church and state and like he's constantly it's not that he

doesn't believe in the separation between church and state as other states will have like issues of gay marriage and he'll try to get like his attorney generals to help them out and insert himself into it like he's a real religious fuckhead and i want to see how that plays out in the debates he's a catholic right i don't even know well he's uh he's virginia right virginia governor is virginia i have indiana in my head or one of those states oh indiana you're right you're right um yeah he's um i i don't know i i just my wife had been telling me he was terrible and i sort of took it with a grain of salt because she's um really anti-trump i don't know if she's pro-hillary but she's anti-trump so i was like yeah you know that is what you would say and then i looked into it

myself and i was like oh yeah there's nothing to love about this guy he's uh he's bad yeah i think trump just picked the guy who might say yes traditional religious conservative ever to try and appeal to those people because i mean a huge reason why so many republicans don't like donald trump is because he comes off as an ass and he also isn't that conservative it might really help him though like as i'm thinking about it like that could be really effective strategy this debate regardless of how it plays off, there might be a lot of Trump supporters who aren't enthusiastic about him who will be when they start associating him with religious fuckery.

Yeah. I do think there are more people excited about Trump, more excited to vote for Trump than there are people excited to vote for Hillary. I think that might be true, too. No one's excited about Hillary. That has to be true. Yeah.

There's no reason to get excited for Hillary. I think that might be true too. No one's excited about Hillary. That has to be true. There's no reason to get excited for Hillary other than because of her vagina. Because she's got a little bit of back burger that Bill hasn't seen in 30 years. I bet she's got more than 2.7 inches of back burger. Oh man. That's what those mysterious bulges

are out of her jeans. You know, I was noticing when she was getting out of her limo and entering the debate hall or whatever, the cut of her suit or whatever, everything was custom. It looked to me to kind of fit her form as best possible because, you know, clothes aren't normally tailored exactly for our bodies, so they, like, bunch up in places and they might accentuate a fat area or something.

But hers just kind of comes straight from the top and down like a bell. So there's no curves or anything. I was talking to my wife about it. And she's like, you know, Trump has a huge advantage there with the guy-girl thing. He's like, guys look good in a suit. All guys look good in a suit. You can take a guy that's 250 pounds overweight and guys look good in a suit all guys look good in a suit you can take a guy that's 250 pounds overweight and you put him in a good fitting suit and he will

look his best in it you know you can see he's a big guy but you know even chris christie in a proper suit fuck that no i've seen a man in person that you went too far all right maybe i went too far a new jersey bridge too far i might say um that man you see him in person he's got a big old fupa he's got a big old belly that that goes down and you're like where is his junk at like where is it did it go like go back up inside of him or something and if you ever see him in shorts you want to see some fucked up shit, you Google Chris Christie in shorts, and you'll see that man tucks his polo into some khaki shorts and snaps a belt on, and he looks like an Oompa Loompa character. It's awful.

You put him behind a podium. Here's a shot of him in a suit. That's what's so funny about this. He's a fat guy, but he's okay. Yeah, you put a few yards of timber in front of him, sure. But okay, now you go over to women, Yeah, you put a few yards of timber in front of him, sure. But, okay, now you go over to women,

and they don't have, like, a parallel equivalent outfit that, like, universally makes women look like the best version of them. I'll take the opposite thing of it's actually exactly the opposite of what Jackie says. It's totally fine to critique, insult, make fun of how a man looks. Too fat, Chris Christie. Has anyone in the media ever said, hey, ease up on Chris Christie. He clearly has a problem with food. No. Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton could go up there in a burlap sack

and if you say, hey, she looks pretty terrible, CNN would be like, oh, different standards for different people, huh? Oh, you can't. Now we're holding women accountable for how they look. Ridiculous. So it's exactly the opposite of that that she could have gone up there wearing anything and any critique of the way she looked to be taken as sexist meanwhile donald trump if his tie got smushed up there'd be a thousand pictures of him like look at sloppy don i hear you but i actually do think

jackie's honest and i think suits make guys look good and if you're not a good looking girl like if you're if you've got hillary clinton's physique there's not much you can do to salvage it she came out dressed like a giant power tie for that all those damn male fashion designers making women wear those what's she going to wear a suit obviously women are at fault

for this silliness I'd like to see that if she came out wearing a fucking power suit like her and Bill wearing the exact same red tie and everything same cut i don't blame any woman for their crazy clothes but i do blame women for their crazy clothes because like they did this to themselves they they dressed crazy all the time and uh yeah if you didn't if you could erase the memory of hillary clinton's face from your mind and you just saw like an image of how she dresses like she looks like a high ranking official from Pyongyang

North Korea just that weird Kim Jong Un style like a couple of big buttons and then just flaps you know Kim Jong Un does it because the fingers of his sewers aren't dexterous enough because they haven't had any food to make good looking clothes Hillary does it just because

I think she's late. Right, it's because she's late. That's the problem with Hillary. She just has no drive. You see, that's one critique of Hillary that could never hold water. Like, she totally has drive. You could make the argument that, you know, the way she drove there was pretty fucked up.

But she clearly has that drive. Yeah. Get into politics. Anyway. I hate politicians. I saw Kiefer Sutton has a new show where I think the show is called The Designated Survivor. And the idea, I don't even know if this is true, but when they have a State of the Union address or whatever and the president's there in front of Congress, and pretty much our entire government is in that one little room,

there's a guy somewhere in the government that they don't let go. He's the designated survivor in case the whole fucking building blows up during the State of the Union. And so Kiefer's sitting there watching the thing on TV and the broadcast goes black. And he looks out the window and there's a fireball coming

from the fucking Capitol building or or wherever the fuck and so they come they rush in the room they're like you're the president now everybody's dead all of congress is dead like like the uh the president the vp you know we've seen who sits there during these things everybody's dead and it's just keifer southern who was he before i guess some you know a congressman or something janitor yeah well no it's good because he's in the line of secession um or whatever they call it but but the idea is that there's a a designated survivor every time they have one of these things so maybe next time it's a senator from vermont he get he draws the right so they take like the secretary of agriculture put him in some room where everyone else dies. At least we got a guy.

Yeah. Imagine if they put Jill Stein in that room. I don't know if it's come out yet, but it's a TV show. It's a series, and it was about to come out or it had come out. I'm not sure which. So it's a series. It'll just be a couple weeks and finish. It's not like eight years.

It's not a miniseries that I know um i think it's a repeating tv show i don't know how many seasons they'll do okay with that man you know shout out to keifer sublin's pr team because he has had a long-standing career when like nicholas cage already died i can't even throw him on a show to get it to last past the season, and Keith, he's just on the run. He's doing it, man. That does look like a really cool show. You know what would be good about it? I don't know the

show plot, but maybe he's an agent for Russia, and then they're all killed, and so the Russians are like, now you have total control of America, or whatever they say. And then he goes, but he develops a conscience, and he has to fight for the

American people. So then he fights back against Russia. Maybe we shouldn't do that show. This is terrible. Dude, Luke Cage is tonight. So we're recording this on a Thursday. At midnight, Luke Cage comes out. Luke Cage was a... So did you watch Alex Jones, that Netflix special where there was this hot chick superhero?

I think her superpower is being able to beat people up. No, it's being a dumb whore who's dumb enough to get herself into trouble and smart enough to get herself back out every episode. Is it a comedy? But yeah, Luke Cage is... It's a Marvel show. Yeah. It's like in the Daredevil universe. And so I seem to be the only person that liked it.

What was it named? Alex Jones or something? Yeah. I enjoyed it a lot. I thought it was great. I'm watching it. I'm like, I like this way better than Daredevil, but I'm the only person that thinks that.

Right? Oh, God. I made Kyle's soda taste bad. You're like, you know what? Godfather 3 really was the best those first two what was going on so does she have like a conspiracy radio show by day and then save people by night different alex jones oh okay she's hot so but anyway during the thing she has a love affair with luke cage and you meet him and um his superpower is indestructible

skin and it appears that he's super strong too i don't know i've just heard it described as i'm not a superhero like guru but um he he just beats people up and he takes on the mob and uh he has indestructible skin but i guess like his family and friends don't and that's how they try to get to him and we'll see it comes out tonight you. You can binge watch it. It should be cool. Are his eyes, are his orifices invincible? If you get past his skin, they're just regular organs, right? We'll learn more as time comes. I remember this scene where he was with Alex Jones. No, tell me. I don't know enough to care. I'm not going to go watch it. Dude, there's this scene. She's way hot, and she falls in love with Luke Cage.

She wants to have sex with him now they're both superheroes but they don't know it like about each other and uh he's like no no no i'll break you and she's like try it and it was just like oh there's some hardcore fucking about to go down here and like the beds break in and things are going nuts and i um i don't know it appears that sex is very good if you're both superheroes. Yeah, sex with Superman would be a very terrifying thing. What if he prematurely ejaculates and just blows

from your cervix to your brain out? It'd be a nightmare. Or I guess you wouldn't have a nightmare ever again. No, you'd be killed. Yeah, what if he just broke your pelvis? I was like, ah, you know what?

This happens all the time. I get so excited. Like teenage Superman would just crush women. Teenage Superman would have a huge problem with rape. There would be a huge problem of, you know, Superman's teenage years would have been a menace on the city. There's this man flying around raping people willy-nilly. You know, he's too fast.

We can't see him. He's blinding people prior to raping them so we can get away with it. If you see this flying man, please, please contact the authorities. We have to find a way to stop it. Our women aren't safe. And then eventually he would have to stage his own, you know and come down and be like i'm superman i've heard you had a super rapist about he goes around and he captures a foil rapist and then he got away with all the rapes i i used to daydream in class and i was like if i had a superpower stopping time

right would i make world peace? Would I get rich and famous? No. I would just pull down women's pants all the time. That's what I wanted to do with stopping time. That's what we all wanted to do with stopping time. Every one of my fantasies had to do with robbing a bank. I'd rob a bank. That's the only thing. I'd be robbing banks all day if I could stop time.

I would just pants chicks. Yeah. I imagine spending lots of time like of time, like, click! All right, this is going to be a while. Like, I want to set up some ridiculous scenario, so I want to go click, and everything comes back on. Everybody's all fucked up. They're in weird positions.

Everybody's naked. Not necessarily sexual positions. They're just not where they were before, doing the same things. Everybody's got ice creams in their hand and stuff. They're having a big naked ice cream party at the bank, and all the money's gone, and nobody knows what the fuck happened. I like it. See, that seems like a lot of fun until you actually break it down

and realize you're going to have to rob that bank and then spend another seven hours on the gag after that. I got plenty of time, Taylor. I've got a time-stopping machine. I feel like the problem is you're leaving tons of evidence behind. Like, you could just walk into the... Really? But you're like

buying two dozen ice creams. Like, don't you think that you're increasing your risk? What are they going to do? Check the camera? Alright, he had at least two boxes of ice cream sandwiches. Check every surveillance camera for the last two weeks in every... Like, what? Are they going to find my ice cream sandwiches check every surveillance camera for the last two weeks in every like what are they gonna find my ice cream sandwiches more footprints around more footprints in a bank what is it mud floor i would do that would be fun

is i would pause time during like live tv broadcast, go to the studios, and then pour lots of vodka into people's mouths while time was stopped. So then they would come back and it'd be like, you know, I'm Wolf Blitzer. We'll be right back. Today we're just talking about the debates.

Or I'd do that to Hillary Clinton during the debates. Stomp a bunch of Jager in her mouth no what you want to do is you want to go down there and like somehow put a hot and you know get bill's like hand on the chick on like the chick next to him's titty or something like that you want you want to make it like as bad as possible well no you need the game is that you have to be able to stop time to do this not just something that happens ah yeah well well you catch it the game is that you have to be able to stop time to do this, not just something that happens. Ah, yeah, well, you catch it on camera this time. You don't shame

the women into backing down on TV anymore. Yes. You like my super predators line the other day? Like, that's what Trump should, Trump was like fumbling at like, the things he was supposed to be throwing. Like, she's like, throwing these lightning bolts at him, and he's like stumbling

over his like, bag of rocks he was supposed to be deftly throwing. He's like, super predator. What about her? That was a thing she said one time, remember? Instead of being like, like I said, pointing at Bill, there's the real super predator. Not eight women, not nine women. He's almost like Bill Cosby down there. Not 10 women, 11 women came forward. There's Mrs. Flowers right over there. She'll tell you the truth about this super predator. She'll tell you what he did.

And this one, you, you defended him. You humiliated her on television. You should apologize to her. Look at her crying. And you look out there, Jennifer Flowers is crying. That's what I want. He's doing this in a clumsy way now.

He's on this aren't i a gentleman for not saying this thing i didn't say like oh dude during the debates i almost said something but it was too mean so i decided to hold back and not say anything about bill clinton fucking all those other women i never said hillary was frigid i never said that she was the reason that this marriage was so terrible and that he would have been an outstanding husband had it not been for Hillary being such a terrible wife. It's the wife's fault in this.

I never said that because of my class. And his surrogates are going out there. What's that blonde woman's name? She's amazing at her job. You guys are going to know it. She's a surrogate. She just goes out and shows up on tv shows all the time she's blonde kind of pretty oldish and colder i know who you're talking about but i

no no it's she actually works for the campaign i i don't know her name i know you're talking oh i've seen her um she is so great at her job i think it so i saw a blonde woman who was who worked for the trump campaign and she was sandwiched in between two CBS talking heads, and it was Wendy and she was wearing a miniskirt and doing her best to cover her vajayjay with her notes, but they were hitting her from both sides with like... Did she still win? I wouldn't say she won,

but it was shocking that she was even able to hold her own because it was like, you know, women hate him, as we all know here. And it's like a woman saying it. A woman is saying to another woman, well, like you know women hate him as we all know here and it's like a woman saying it a woman is saying to another woman well we all know women hate Donald Trump do you think he's doing enough in that area to pull and she's like well yeah I think we are doing enough because you look here here

and there and then you look at what Hillary's done and look at her past and I think it's perfectly fine for him to point out clear the record let's see what happened here and there and she was just really well spoken she She could handle herself. The big story now is the fat shaming. So there was Miss Universe

1996, if I recall correctly. She won. I think she was from Venezuela, but I'm not sure about that. And while she was Miss Universe, you know, you're Miss Universe for a year, she gained a lot of weight. And I looked into it. I found the pictures and stuff. And you know what? She did. it's not that you'd single her out and say like you know oh my god she's fat but if she held her neck the wrong way she kind of double chinned she

gained like 20 pounds taylor you're trying to jump in i was saying that like you i'll let you keep going yeah so on one hand her job is to be pretty. She's Miss Universe for a year. That's what you do. You just go places and be pretty. And on the other hand, Trump fat shamed her. He stood over her and made her exercise. So Trump's stance on this is by fat shaming her, he doesn't use the term, I saved her job.

I did a nice thing for her. This is the real world um other people are looking at it and saying oh my god how could you have given that young woman such a hard time about gaining weight and uh regardless of what's right or not apparently it's playing terribly with millennials that like oh yeah you can be unqualified you can be this you can be that you can say anything but don't you dare fat shame you big meanie and that's how it's going down i mean like if it was just some fat lady that he knew and he was like you bat pig asshole like then i'd be like oh wow that's that's a mean thing to do but if it's if it's your job to not gain weight and to be skinny and then you do not

do that then someone who's your boss is going to say, hey, you need to lose weight because this is your job. If you're in the NFL and you show up to camp 50 pounds overweight and you can't do your job, they don't go, well, we understand that we didn't win the Super Bowl last year. You must have had a really stressful year and eaten a lot of food, and now you can't play, but you're still going to be on the team. No, they're going to be like, okay, you're cut. Your pay is suspended until you get in fucking shape

because this is your job this is you don't show up for fun this is what you do you chose to get into this you're into it you want it now maintain your responsibility the fact that you're a woman means that i hold you to the same standard as a man i'm not going to placate around and tippy toe and walk on eggshells and act like you're different no if a man was in mr olympia and they did it the same way and that guy got fucking fat two months later then they would and act like you're different. No, if a man was in Mr. Olympia and they did it the same way and that guy got fucking fat two months later, then they would say to him, you're Mr. Olympia.

Get back in shape. It's your job. There's a problem though. Like I feel like, so this is a 19 year old woman that won this thing. I think I've got my facts right. What he should have done is called her privately and said, hey, you know what?

Like the expectation from Miss Universe is that you look a certain way. It's the job. It's Miss Universe. We need you to hit this target by this date or it won't work out. Instead, he goes to the press and calls her Miss Piggy, right? That's douchebaggery, right? He's publicly fat shaming her and calling her Miss Piggy.

That's not the same thing. Did he publicly call her miss piggy yes yeah i wasn't gonna say that's how he handled it yeah does she look like a pig at all no like no even in her heaviest you can tell she's really pretty and at at her peak of course when she won she's like a 10. So, yeah, not Miss Piggy. Is it Miss Teen Colorado that did the porn? Yes. CNN called her a rapidly... Yep.

CNN in 1997 called her a rapidly expanding Miss Universe. She's blowing up! It was fine for them. The universe does that. We live, funnily enough, in a strange society where over the years there's so much that has changed. With the introduction of social media and the presence that's put before on Instagram and Snapchat with a lot of the females that are all fighting to look a certain way and that are going through so much surgery to look a particular way, that now the mentality is you either have to have that slim, goody frame or you have to have the large breasts and the large bottom in order to have attention coming your way. And for all of these women that fight for the attention, they are fighting for these likes, they are paying for these likes, going above and beyond for something that really

does not exist. It is just a placed-in premise of a world that has no bearing on what your future will be. of a world that has no bearing on what your future will be. If your focus was actually still on getting a decent education and becoming the next powerful so-and-so in a particular career, in a particular field, you'd be better off with yourself versus fighting for something that's been created just to put that blanket over reality. I like that. That makes a lot of sense. That being said, however, I've been talking to a girl about these Brazilian

butt lifts. Now, apparently what they do is they suck the fat away from the areas that are unappealing. Maybe you've got a belly or some love handle, some flank, and they suck all that fat out of there, and then they inject like a thousand cc's of that or whatever into your ass.

So it's your fat in your ass, and they can sculpt it and make it look how they want. And I started doing even more research because this was fascinating to me because it's fairly affordable to make a woman's butt enormous. It's in Brazil. No, this isn't a surgery we're gonna go to brazil for or anything oh i misunderstood go ahead it's a brazil i think we're going for the look of a brazilian ass rather than the the uh then the safety of a brazilian surgeon yeah yeah american doctor brazilian ass make

difference um but but you know they they used to do they still do i guess like silicone implants in women's asses and and they just look ridiculous. And I've seen porn stars that are examples of that, and they're just like crazy. But I started doing more reading about this Brazilian butt lift thing, and apparently that's what Kim Kardashian's ass is about. And I saw this whole, like, lineup of evidence showing her ass through the years. evidence showing her ass through the years and they explained that because your body reabsorbs the fat that that means that she

must be going back regularly and getting more fat injected into her ass to keep it where it is. And removed from the area she doesn't want it. Would that be a good ass though? I feel like if you want a really good ass you don't get that

by making it really fat. You get that by going to the gym and doing squats or something like that, right? And then you get a firm ass. You wouldn't just want a bunch of belly fat put in your ass. Mad ass and these little skinny hot dog legs, that just don't work. You can always tell when an ass is not a natural ass because just continue to look straight down. Don't just stop fast continue to look down the legs are going to tell you the truth every time yeah the thighs are

the limiting factor on what on how far they can go with the butt just like a woman's like rib cages like if you ever see one with like enormous fake titties that like don't make sense for her frame you're like oh those are fake and the same thing with an ass if she's got an ass that's like this fucking big but her thighs are this big around you're like well that doesn't make sense so you gotta find the correct ratio there to make if it's legit they'll have huge muscular thighs too because it'll mean they were i wish they could get better at removing fat right like my understanding is they they poke a hole in your skin and they take like uh like a a firm mcdonald's strong mechanism it's a metal straw and like a metal straw and they just sort of like rocking it just like scraping the fat off your muscles

and stuff and it's like oh that sounds awful to recover from it looks awful months and weeks of all like it's ouch ouch a lot like the needle going under and like poking on the other side of skin and you're like is that just gonna like punch through ah yeah I want them to like I want them to have like hypodermic needles and something that you sleep through and it

does it's not much worse than like an acupuncture and they just kind of remove remove remove and no pain no gain rub it out so that you're not all dimpled and lumpy and fix it. Step up on your fat removal. That comes in with a good surgeon. That comes in with a good surgeon, definitely making it look

smooth and the way it's supposed to look. I'm very fascinated with this $6,000 gigantic fake ass that's seemingly possible through modern science. Do you have one plastic surgery for free? You get it. What is it?

What would you get? Maybe I would get that Brazilian butt lift. I could use a little more cushion back there. I feel like sitting would be more comfortable. Yeah, but I think you're great the way you are in the ass department. And that's just out of frame every time. And that's why I want it. Yeah. You should see me in a thong. It just doesn't play. I have.

I think I need some more back there. Ass service. Ass. Huh. Is that what you're moving on to for YouTube? Ass reviews? This is a real good one. Moving on. I would love to review asses. I don't think that is a real good one. Moving on.

I would love to review asses. I don't think that's a job, though. You know what I was thinking for a YouTube channel? I've seen... So, look, the honorable way to make a YouTube channel is, of course, to make your own content, have a personality that people connect with,

and make lots of videos where people are excited about the next one to come out. That's the best way to do it, and a lot of people succeed with that model. But there's other shit. Like, okay, No Copyright Sounds has a YouTube channel, right? And I looked at it, and a lot of stuff they have is their original work, and some of it

is from the other no copyright stuff. I paid like $100 to get access to all this no copyright music, and I'm like $100 to get access to all this no copyright music. And I'm like, look at that, this shit's on this YouTube channel. Like there's no copyright. What's to stop me from making a YouTube channel, just taking all the shit from no copyright sounds

and putting it on my YouTube channel cause that's how no copyright works. I'll just make a new channel, consolidate all the no copyright shit I can find everywhere, and like No Copyright Sounds, for example, they're getting like five to 10 million views a video. Like it's a lot of views. And like, I don't know, I was watching ships

going through heavy water, right? No way these people film that themselves or own the copyright to it. 10 million viewed videos, just old ships driving through storms and stuff. I'm like, why don't I just take the, 2Bucks made a channel and it was amazing, 24 by seven or something.

He would just grab other people's things, like in the Fail Army family of stuff, commentate it and upload it and it was super popular he made a lot of money on it I'm like part of me is like you know what how easy would it be to just be like a re uploader I I don't know I don't know I I wonder those things sometimes too when I see stuff like that out there that's kind of the mindset that I had when I first started my channel was that these viral videos seem to have repeating concepts

and what is it that's in these viral videos that's making them viral that we could do every week. They don't look safe. They look amateurishly done. It's surprising. It's shocking. It looks like it's from somewhere else. Let's try to create all those factors and do it every week. I see what you're saying. Those videos, like, the random video of some bullshit thing,

like there's this one of a really big fat guy, and I mean like 600 pounds, shooting like a fully automatic glock and it's vibrating on his belly and that thing must have 20 million views or something like that because we've all seen it we've all seen it six fucking times yes yeah i don't know and um so my son was watching a video of toys get destroyed in a shredder do Do you know what a shredder is? It's a type of like garbage disposal type thing. It has these claws

that go, yes, Kyle, you're doing it perfect. And you drop a thing in there and it sort of gets destructed and they destroy almost anything and they upload it. And I'm like, what if I just bought a shredder? See where it goes. You know, drop, they're not cheap, but like if i just bought a shredder see where it goes you know drop they're not cheap

but like drop two grand on a shredder and then just start shredding shit bricks cinder blocks toys you know whatever see if it goes anywhere and they're not commentating it they're not like trying to be loved they're just making stuff that you might find interesting and uh i'm like huh like would that be an interesting idea I'd watch you shred some stuff you know you want to throw some some interesting things in there I don't know what would be fun to watch get shredded but I kind of want to see there's a sixth part of me that wants to see like some dead animal fall in one I saw a cow go into a shredder one time that was cool yeah yeah but

there's a lot of people where that would repel them you know i mean i'm thinking more of like i don't know assemble some like lego minecraft thing and then drop it in there and see we'll watch it get destroyed put some high speed on it and you know while it might not appeal to you you might not be the demo. Colin is watching this stuff. So, I don't know. Sometimes I think, we could just do that and it'd be interesting. On YouTube, there is a demo for just about everything.

Just about everything. That's what makes YouTube such an interesting place to be. You can literally reinvent your channel as many times over as you so see fit based on what new content you find to create as being interesting for a particular demographic yeah it can be hard to get out of a certain yeah kind of lane like if you establish yourself too much as like a gamer and then suddenly you try and like comment

on politics or something like i don't know i'm just trying to think of other kinds of channels that i watch yeah people will probably not be inclined to it but if you really like you said i guess it just comes down to the quality of the content because if you could make video game video like if captain sparkles moved over into like political humor i just use him as an example because we talked about him earlier but if he did it very professional and had the best set and did it the way he does his other content which to my understanding is very high quality then yeah people would watch that so yeah you really can't putie pie is doing it well i don't know if he's doing it well or if he's just transitioning to stuff i like but he used to make videos where he'd play games and

i guess in honesty overreact to it right right? He's playing Happy Wheels, if you know that game, and just getting very excited every time he dies or gets hurt. Or, like, in Happy Wheels, the character's arm or leg will get ripped off. And, you know, like, the first time you see it, you're like, holy fuck, like, I can't believe that's in this innocent-looking game. The 700th time you see it, you must be, like be overreacting in the interest of making videos. But he's transitioned. He's making a lot of stuff now where he just talks into the mic and shares his opinion.

And suddenly, I love PewDiePie videos. I see him and I'm like, oh, this is one where he's just going to share what's on his mind. He's making videos I like. And he's transitioned. It worked for him. I transitioned from gaming to vlogging. And it didn't really go great who knows what the future holds but didn't people most people were like hey make con stuff like you did in 2012 and it's like yeah i don't know do you even play his audience

his audience is so big though like i don't even think of it as reinventing as much as like like when amc stopped breaking bad and started a new show it wasn't amc reinventing itself like it already had so many people they knew they'd get viewers on that new show like pewdiepie could put up a video of him staring at the camera saying nothing and it'll probably get three four million views at least like just because that dude has a i wonder when he's 50 million followers or something he must still be working pretty hard, right? At some point, like the boxers say, it's hard to get up and run when you're sleeping in silk sheets. At some point, I think PewDiePie is going to be like,

you know, I'm worth 30 million. Why do I get up every day and talk about, I don't know, clickbait? I just don't give a fuck anymore. Probably because he wants to be worth $40 million. Well, honestly, you know what? It's funny. It's probably strange, and it could just be me. I honestly believe that he continues to do what he does

for YouTube, and it had nothing to do with the money to begin with for him. He acquired it. He knows that it's there. But he actually just still enjoys it. I hear you. It's just that he's, what does he make? Like 10, 12 videos a week? Something like that?

That's a lot of work to still be enjoying it. That's every day. That's all the time. That's, you know. But in order to do that, though, you have to have a passion for it. It's nobody telling him that he has to wake up and put out 10, 12, 15 a week or a day or whatever the case may be.

You have to actually want to do it to make that happen. I hear you, and you're right. But at some point, that'll change. Oh, yeah, I'm sure. At some point, he's just going to be like, you know what? I don't know. This isn't worth the effort I put into it. You don't want to do it forever.

You know what I'm saying? You just get to a point of just being tired. You will retire at some point and just want to live life and be off the grid or on the grid or whatever you want. But when it comes to your family, that's priority at all times. So that's it. Every great job becomes work. Every great job becomes work. You talk to every NBA veteran who has nine years in the league,

and when the season starts, they think they're going to work. Everyone else does that. They think they're going to play. They do it. Kyle, your phone is too near the – I can see that it's you by your thing lighting up. Where's your phone? On my desk. I'll push it away you by your thing lighting up. Where's your phone? On my desk. I'll push it away.

It's near the electronics. It doesn't matter. I just had it. PewDiePie, I'm on his channel right now. He has 48 million subscribers. 48 million. Since you brought that up, let's talk about that for a moment. You know, since you brought that up, let's talk about that for a moment. Even with the 48 million, if YouTube ever once decided to actually destroy on all of our channels, all of the dead accounts, all the individuals that haven't watched one of our videos for the last past X amount of weeks, X amount of months, what would your actual subscriber number be for your particular channel?

Because it won't get 48 million views on a video yeah you know I'm saying those numbers make sense and look great to companies outside of YouTube oh my god 48 million you know let's give this man a TV show because that means gonna be 48 million people watching no I don't I'm more impressed by the 13.5 billion views yeah that means that like if like everybody on the planet has to watch two of your videos to get about that level that is that's out of control like can you think back to youtube just in like 2010 ish when we all started round about there 2009 2010 2011 whatever

like the most viewed channel at the time was like a few hundred million. Like nobody even had a billion views at the time. A billion was like a crazy huge deal that was like insurmountable. Now how many channels have a billion views? A ton. I feel like if you cracked 100 million views, you've done something pretty notable. I mean when you compare that to – if a book sold 100 million copies, people would be blown away at that. If a movie got 100 million – not dollars but 100 million individual ticket sales, that would be a away at that if a movie got a hundred million and not dollars but a hundred million individual ticket sales that would be a very big deal movie right it what

would that even be a hundred million in ticket sales that'd be the biggest movie of all time it'd be like a billion in ticket sales like that's a big deal so you get a hundred million views on your channel and you've done something that's notable a billion is just silly and 13 billion is hardly comprehensible yeah it13 billion is hardly comprehensible. Yeah, it really is hardly comprehensible. Like, that's so many people who have watched his videos. It's... Good for him, man. I've never watched his stuff aside from a couple little clips that

were clearly meant for younger kids, so obviously it was like, this isn't for me, I'm not gonna like it. But, god damn, that's incredible. He covers some more topical stuff now. Oh, I haven't watched in years. Probably like a year I clicked on his channel and saw, and it was for children, so I didn't watch.

But very impressive. Yeah, he does, I don't know. He does good stuff. Yeah. Who's a YouTuber you actually watch? Do you actually watch any, like subscribe, like watch all their videos? I know Kyle watches the Fail blog or whatever the army fail army yeah let's do that what are we watching lately okay damn what are you watching lately um i watch a lot a lot

of drive always been watching keemstar though but i knew him through one of my other boys only used me blade who was hot in the call of duty days because that was the individual that of course brought the knife to the gunfight i've been watching blade since the start yes so you know they were they were roommates at a time so you know again so drama alert of course um time to time i'll catch a pewdiepie video but um mostly a lot a lot of food critics that are popping up you know i you know when i started it was just me reviewing foods inside of a car and now i go search you know food reviewers and i see a million channels not really man i'm over exaggerating but more like a hundred of individuals inside a car reviewing fast food so i'm just kind of looking at my competition.

You got to know your business. You got to know the business here. You got to know your business. Yeah. A year ago, I was watching. The stuff I watch is not interesting to anybody else. A year ago, I was watching Farmers all the time. And lately, I've been like, you know what?

I wonder how one lonely farmer's season went. I used to watch how farms work all the time. I wonder how his year was. And I've been circling around with all my old farmer friends who don't know me, but I know them. And seeing how their stuff went. Of course, I watch paramotor videos. The problem is most of them are terrible.

They're not commentated and they don't show much and they move too slow. But I watch them anyway. There are a couple that are really good. Tucker Gott, make daily videos, you jerk. And that's, oh, and then the boats and heavy seas. I like that. I like sailing La Vagabonde every time they come out with a video.

I watch that. Yeah, and they're, oh, you guys remember sailing La Vagabonde, right? They were guests on the show. Did you know they got a million-dollar yacht? That's awesome. Yeah. It's been brewing for like a year. And I was talking to them about it like a month ago or so.

Like it was really getting close. And now it's a done deal. They're building the yacht for them. I don't think they're going to own it. I think they're going to use it for at least a year. But they're very excited about changing from their current ship, Le Vagabond, to this 40-foot catamaran,

which has two holes and lots of room. I want to have them on the show and talk about it. I'm very excited for them. It's a big deal. That's awesome. Maybe we can talk about the locals a big deal. That's awesome. Maybe we can talk about the locals a bit more.

A bit more. The Australians. Kyle, what YouTube do you watch if you watch anything but Failblog? I really like all the movie stuff, anything movie related. Anything that's parodying movies, anything that's how it should have ended, but also all the stuff that's like CinemaSins, all that

stuff. Anything that breaks movies down. I like all that stuff. I've been watching this channel. The guy's name is Coyote Peterson, but the name of the channel is Brave Wilderness. He's basically like an online

nature kind of dude who is working through all of the most painful insect stings out there and i just linked one for you to watch it's a long video so you'll watch it later if you want to but it's good this is the like number four on the list of most painful insect stings the cow killer ant so about a week before that video came out, we found a bug in my yard. And it's a real pretty bug. It's crawling on the ground. Jackie spotted it.

It has this like red velvet kind of like coloring like fur on it almost. And it looked like a giant ant but super pretty. Like in my head, I found like the butterfly of the ant world and we I you know like push it around with a pen or a stick or something like that because it was walking in the grass so we could see it a little better I nearly picked it up you know just like like to see it or maybe put it on my palm because we were videoing it and you weren't getting a really good view and but we did it we walked into like a bare spot we got the camera on it we

talked about it and then jackie killed it and i thought like oh man jackie like you it's like stepping on a beautiful butterfly like don't you just usually leave them alone for their beauty alone then this guy gets stung by it and it is apparently awful terrible to get stung it's not called a beautiful ant it's called a cow killer. Wait, wait. I don't think that you had one of these cow killers. I'm sure it's just called a velvet ant. Yeah.

Right? Is mine different than that, you think? Where are they indigenous to? Let's see. And let me just say, I know the exact ant you're talking about, Woody. I think that that's a wingless wasp that lives on the ground. But this thing, and I think this cow killer ant is as well now that I look at it.

But this, I just don't know if this is the same bug you're talking about. A velvet ant is also known as a cow killer. I guess its real name is a multilate. And I'm just looking to see if they live anywhere near me rain over 400 species occur in the North American Southwest so maybe a couple made their way to the Carolinas dude it it looked like it looked the same did you see my vlog you know the ant the bug that we're talking about I don't know if you can't I I've seen

them they they kind of like i've never seen more than one of them at a time they're always kind of solitarily walking um i don't think it's the it's a similar thing but i don't think it's the one i don't think it's the cow killer ant that's like the fourth most power most painful thing in the on the planet but i'm definitely familiar with the ant you're talking about we call them army ants but it's not an army ant because army ants are a completely different thing. I don't know what the correct name for what I think we're talking

about is. Well, regardless, watch that guy's content if you're looking for a good YouTube channel, Brave Wilderness. I also have seen every animals fighting, animals bickering, biting, and stinging one another video on YouTube. Can we watch it together

for a second i i've linked it to and found the time stamp yeah see if so queue up at 2 13 the link should take you there is everyone ready yeah ready set play check out this bug. Can you see it? What is that? We don't know. It looks like it. Oh, it looks more like a wasp. Well, they're all wingless wasps. A bee, you think? I think yours is bigger and fatter than the fourth most powerful one in the world or whatever. I've seen these.

It's a beautiful thing of beauty. Oh my god, you did it. That thing looks real angry. Yeah, it needs a killing yeah when he gets stung by this thing in the video when he gets stung by this thing in the video it's it's so over the top that you almost that if it were just if this were the only video that guy had uploaded i would think it was fake overreaction but i've also seen him bit and stung and maimed by a lot of animals on his channel and he like look he's like starts

hyperventilating and like sweating bullets and i guess to get up and like run around like incomprehensibly in pain like can't even make sense of logic or anything like he's so in pain like that looks why there's no reason that bugs need that much power as i'm looking they don't look exactly the same mine was red and black and this one just seems to be red and not like it has yeah it i found yours um it's it's that flightless wasp link uh there that that looks almost identical to yours right um let's take a look see how its butt has these like two red circles on it and then a stripe below them and then more red? Ah. That is a female flightless wasp.

Okay. I don't know if mine had, like, a separation in its body like that, did it? I have no idea. Maybe it did. Yeah, I see it in the thumbnail. So it's a flightless wasp? Mm-hmm. I haven't been stung by a bee or a wasp or anything in a long time.

I am definitely due. They're both Calvin Cowkillers. You ever think about things like that? Like, I haven't stubbed my toe in a long time. I haven't been hitting the nuts in a long time. He has Cowkiller in his title. This thing you found has Cowkiller in its title. This thing you found has Cal Killer in its title. So that, I don't know.

But I do see that they don't look at it. Maybe it could be male versus female. Well, the scientific name is here as Decimutilla. And that is different. Occidentilus. The other one started with an M. Tell us your favorite genus of flightless wasp in the comments. Ah, yes.

Spherifoma. Spherifoma. Spherifoma. That'd make my top three, not one, though. I'm rounding it out. Anyway. Yeah, so watch that video, or those videos, to watch a guy get stung. I like watching people get stung and bitten by animals,

because it's like a transitive way to see what it's like. I don't like that at all. I thought you were going to talk about the guy who does the wilderness survival stuff. I watched him build this hut last week, and this guy is wearing... Oh, like primitive technologies. I think so, primitive technologies.

He's wearing nothing but synthetic material shorts, and that seemingly is the only bit of technology from this century. And it's the only thing that he seemingly has. He takes a rock and makes an axe out of it. Maybe a camera. The camera's it, but he's not using it for anything. He's using an axe he made out of a stick and a rock to cut trees down. He made a forge. Not a forge, but maybe he made a forge. I down he's he's he made a ford uh not a forge but maybe

he made a forge i don't know but he made a made a kiln for uh his clay um uh tiles for his roof and he he like makes this shelter and then lays these uh they look like half of a cylinder they're shaped like that these tiles and he lays them on there in some sort of way where i guess they've traditionally been laid and he creates a roof and And it looks like endless, endless hours of time that he's spending out there with just his bare hands and sticks and vines and rocks. And that's it. It's shocking to watch him do it. And it's so well filmed. I'm just imagining, I'm just picturing myself trying to film it. And like, he working with mud, lots of mud work with his hands. And then I'm thinking, what if he needs to adjust the camera?

He's got mud all over him. Who does that? Doesn't he have to go wash his hands and then dry them carefully and then go touch his lens? It just seems like such a bitch to do what he does, but he's incredible. I've never seen anybody so meticulous and so dedicated to doing it without a single tool like every survival guy i ever see is like well this is the jim johnson big rig knife it'll cut through fucking wolverine's spine and we're gonna take it out here and whittle some sticks into sharp points but no this guy's like he first of all i don't know if there's any audio because i

don't listen to the audio I just watch but it's just like here I am he doesn't even talk the video I've watched of him it's just him sitting there like Indian style a lot of the time like kneading mud and then like you said doing an insane amount of work for what I think is

a very small payoff after the year like 3000 BC that's the style of house he's living in like don't don't think that you're gonna go watch this and be like wow this guy's built like a really cool uh abode or something like no he's he's it's a little shack but it's it's a cool little shack like if somebody built that camping you'd be like wow this guy's a genius but if somebody said we're gonna stay here for a week you'd say can we just go to the hilton yeah anyway

they got talented got anything else i don't oh did i did they um there was a big train accident in newark did they find out the cause of it yet? It was like speeding up into the It was our crumbling infrastructure just like Trump said. Is that right? I don't know. I have no idea. I don't know. It's a I guess being from Jersey like you know like wow there were like a lot of people hurt. I said not said I read over a hundred and then I later but no one died and then I later read one person died and it was over 70 injured. Like, there's a lot of people involved in this thing. I read that three – I thought that three people died.

Okay. Like, when I was reading it, I thought, like, maybe this is bad to think, but I was thinking, like, three people? Like, in a train crash? That can't be right. Like, you picture train crashes as, like, everybody getting fucked up. Like, it's a train. that that can't be right like you picture train crashes is like everybody getting fucked up like it's a train you're not strapped down there's a bunch of like rebar and iron and stuff folding in on you you would think like i was just surprised it was only three if that is the right number i was reading i'm reading i watch youtube videos about trains

and what it takes to derail them surprisingly hard to derail a train have you guys seen this video derail them, surprisingly hard to derail a train. Have you guys seen this video? It's not. So they cut out, I'm gonna try and get my numbers right, like a foot of train track, right? So just like two cuts in it, boom, there's a foot of train track missing. Every car goes over it like it's no problem.

And apparently a foot of missing train track is not even a cause for alarm, it's called a chuck hole in the track is not even a cause for alarm. It's called a chuck hole in the industry. There's a name for it. So it's just a chuck hole. They drive right through it, maybe radio someone and say, hey, fix the chuck hole. We just found it. Holy smokes.

So then they cut it out. They make it like 18 inches long. Train drives right over it. Then they make it like two feet wide. Train drives right over it. So then they cut it on the opposite side, make like two feet, both sides at the same wide. Train drives right over it. So then they cut it on the opposite side, make like two feet both sides at the same time. Train drives right over it. Then they like offset the two foot thing

so that the thing's going like this. Train drives right over it. They eventually have to cut it like six feet wide. And it didn't even derail the engine. Like it derailed some of the car. If a car is lighter, it bounces around more and it's more prone to be derailed i couldn't believe i used to think that if i left a rock on the train track that it would derail the whole train and that and i was tempted to do it like put a rock

because we used to put coins and stuff on there i've done it i put the rock there and i'm like man this is a big responsibility i have to not derail this train no a rock will not derail a train uh if trains could be thrown off by rocks and things that people could just like pick up and put on there casually they would have been a very impractical form of locomotion like if anyone any no good nick anywhere in the country could just throw a log on there and ruin your day you You're right. Cars can, though. Like, if you just put a car in the road, cars fucked. No, the car is fucked. Yeah.

So, you know, I guess people don't do it as much as you think they would. Like, I was thinking an alternate universe where our cars aren't impacted by logs, and we're saying, oh, man, imagine if you could put a log on the road and fuck everything up. People would do it all the time. I wouldn't. No, I guess not. Well, that's all I've got.

Alright. Thanks to Damdrops for coming on again. We wish you much luck over there. Thank you for having me. Where can everybody find you aside from Rachel Ray? What was that? Where can everybody find you when you're not on Rachel Ray? Hey, y'all can catch me, of course, right here on YouTube at Damdrops.

Twitter at Damdrops. Snapchat and Instagram is Damdrops. Holler at your boy. Check out his stuff, guys. All right, PKA, episode 302.