Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #303

Episode Date: October 14, 2016

This week on PKA, fan favorite Tucker has returned! The guys talk about the incoming Hurricane Matthew, the epidemic of scary clowns plaguing the streets and Taylor tells some stories of experiencing religion.

alive pka 303 uh oh quick note i wanted to do a hurricane talk i've been thinking about this today we're recording this on thursday night and as we do this there's like a cat four or maybe even five hurricanes slamming the coast of florida right now and it'll work its way up through georgia and south carolina so depending on when you're watching this i hope you're either safe or getting safe because this one's no joke. This is the one that it's going to kill people on a selfish note. I don't know about that. I just saw a tweet from Matt Drudge that said that it's not going to be a big deal at all and that it's just a way that the government is trying to push climate change into the current discussion.

You're joking, right? No, no. It's totally reasonable. It made a lot of sense. You know what he's trying to do? It's Matt Drudge. He doesn't have an agenda. Oh, no.

So my real name is Matthew, right? Everyone knows me as Woody, but my given name is Matthew. And I've been waiting for a Hurricane Matthew since I was a little kid. And if you don't know, if a hurricane kills someone, they never use the name again.

And this one has, I think, 11 deaths already. So there will never be another Hurricane Matthew. This is my last hurrah. You're living this! I am living it right now. I'm sorry about all the murders. Hey, there could be a Hurricane Woody, though. There could be.

That would be pretty late in the season. Be on the lookout for that. We're going to need some real global warming to get up to W. Hey, it may or may not just be a big Chinese conspiracy. I'm not sure who's to say. Could be a hoax. Certainly not me.

But hey, yeah, there could be a Hurricane Woody if we get one of these horrible hurricane years where we have dozens of hurricanes. Let me mention the sponsors and then we'll keep going. Big thanks to Dollar Shave Club and movement watches We're gonna talk more about each of them later on the show. There are links down in the description. You can check out right now But yeah, let's get ready to it got Tucker back again. I'm so happy to have you Thanks for having me again. What is it the fourth time now? Yeah, something like that. No racking up the appearances. I like a

Hurricane talk. Did you see the satellite image where it looked like a skull? Like the profile of a scary skull? I didn't see that one. I did, yeah. It was a profile. So what I was looking for at first was the two eyes and some sort of teeth. It's what a skull might look like from the side. And it was

actually pretty cool. I was like, oh, I see it. Maybe Kyle can find it. But I don't want to make light of this hurricane hurricane cuz I'm I would put money on the fact five at that making light of things turn out to be bad and and like so there's 11 deaths already but they're not even real people right because they're not Americans. Jesus Christ. No, there's way more than 11. Oh, for sure. Ding, ding, ding. Oh, that's cool. If you count, I think in Haiti, like 98 people died. Is that right?

Yeah, I saw a tweet from something or other earlier today that said like death total in Haiti was like 98 or something like that. Where are the other 11 you were talking about? Also Haiti? I'm guessing I just have an older report yeah it was haiti what did haiti do to get shit on this much by mother nature like every year part of the planet here's what haiti did they got taken advantage of by some american industrialists i know what haiti actually did. Okay. Well, then you go after me. Because what I was told

is that they sold off all of their fucking timber to America, Americans, and now they have no barrier to protect them from these hurricanes. There's this little dot out there in the ocean and the fucking hurricane comes and washes them all away. I was told and you

know i'm just going off what i read whatever but that um haiti doesn't have any building standards like there's pretty much no zoning codes in there they build these concrete buildings with no rebar they build these wooden buildings they build on the beach low spots etc haiti and dominican republic are virtually the same if you look at it it's like this island and then just cut it in half with a straight line how often do you hear about these massive tragedies in the dominican republic if you shake their buildings a little bit well there's rebar and people don't just die like it's a house of cards in haiti on the other hand you just jiggle it and their fucking version of the white house

comes tumbling down have you seen the uh like the simulations they do like on youtube where it'll have like a big wobbly floor yeah you'll have two comparative brick buildings and they'll be like this is reinforced masonry the way it's built in the united states and it shows like a really vicious giant platform wiggling a whole house and it shows like some movement but it probably cracks and stuff yeah like maybe a little bit of damage but and then you see one from like dominican republic or haiti and it gets like one half of a shake over and the entire thing like the bottom moves the top doesn't and it's done like oh my god what is this you just so i think i found i think i found a completely different theory

um it had nothing to do with their building standards, their way of life, their tropical island location, nor the fact that they sold away their timber rights. I think Pat Robertson has the real story for us. Are you guys queued up? I'm queued up. Let's go.

3, 2, 1, play. And you know, Christy, something happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it. They were under the heel of the French.

You know, Napoleon... Look at the woman he's speaking to. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. Does he not sound a little bit like Bill Clinton? Number five. and swore a pact to the devil. Does he not sound a little bit like Bill Clinton? He'll get us free from the French. No more fight. True story.

And so the devil said, okay, it's a deal. And they kicked the French out. You know, the Haitians revolted and got themselves free. But ever since, they have been cursed by one thing after the other, desperately poor. That island of Hispanoa is one island. It's cut down the middle. On the one side is Haiti.

On the other side is the Dominican Republic. Smart people are saying that. The Dominican Republic is prosperous, healthy, full of resorts, etc. Haiti is in desperate poverty. Same islands. They need to have, and we need to pray for them, a great turning to God. And out of this tragedy, I'm optimistic something

good may come. But right now, we're helping the suffering people, and the suffering is unimaginable. So that's Pat Robertson. I really find him hilarious. Howard Stern goes on. Howard Stern makes fun of him all the time, because he'll go on, he can mock him, he can do that guy's voice really well.

I read that she consorted with a Jew and that is why her family has been cursed. So perhaps yes, you should seek out some sort of an exorcism for your daughter's

tummy ache. He'll literally say shit like that. Is he one of those televangelists? Yes. He gives dangerously bad advice in a very calming and kind of like, oh, I'm just the kind of guy that you can trust. Like, I'm just looking out for you.

You know I'm not in this for me. Won't be it. I'm here to make sure you and yours are safe. There are people who listen to these evangelists and take their word as law. Just like... You gotta let it happen.

It's gospel. Thank you. This is irrefutable. It came straight from Pat Robertson. Or it came from the Bible via Pat Robertson to to me and that is an unquestionable source and he'll say bullshit like haiti made a pact with the devil to get the french out and they've been cursed for hundreds a hundred years i don't know how long and uh oh my god these poor people are being suckered can i say that like the only time that I've ever seen that is local access late night shows.

In LA, there's probably 60 local access places. And that is where the only time I've ever seen Joel Olsteen or whatever the dude's name is and Pat Robinson. The funniest thing you can ever watch. I mean, when they're trying to explain around some caller, it's like from another world there's it makes no sense it doesn't like it's something that like like if you watched a crazy like hindu guy giving his instructions to a bunch of his followers saying to like you know do that thing where you hold one arm up in the air for 60 years until it's just a weird your joint just freezes twig look that up if you haven't seen it there are some

like indian guys out there who they're like oh this is baba bushna and what he does is he hasn't moved his hand since 1971 and you look at him and he's an emaciated little man with a grotesque appendage come out pretty much it's completely non-functional it's like a it's like a vestigial limb basically like he evolved it there and it no longer works. There are also ones that stand all their life. They just never, they sleep standing up like, and their legs just get fucking massive. There's different tiers of these guys. So the guy who, there's one guy who just started holding his hand up for like, you know, a couple decades and it rotted away and looks terrible.

And there was, but then there's other guys who are like oh that's it one arm please and they do both arms and then there's some other guy that had to one up them so he sticks a fucking foot up in the air all the time it's absurd it's the stupidest kind of like black knight one ups upsmanship that makes no sense um i worked with a lot of indian. We're talking about the Indian guys who do this, right? Yeah, I assume that it is. And they would tell me about this. Now, a lot of them are scam artists. Clearly, you can't fake the muscle atrophy or whatever.

Can't fake this. A lot of them just scam. Jesus. What am I looking at here? That's the guy. You're looking at a man who has had his arm in the air for the guy. His joint is literally frozen. Look at those fingernails. He don't do shit with that arm.

He's just waiting for someone to call him. To teach him. And essentially, what some of them do, this guy I'm not an expert in. Don't you just want to high five him? Let me talk. Just shatter that gross little limb. They go from town to town with this sacrifice that they may only make as they first get there and beg for money. And the guys that I knew, usually the more well-to-do and educated, they would take it upon themselves to shoo them away.

Get the fuck out of here, scam artist. That is the case with a lot of these people. That guy is a committed scam artist. I'm going to lose the use of one of my arms in order to make – I guess so. I'm like, what's the – Yeah, let's scam on him. What's going on here exactly?

Like he's just – he sacrificed an arm so he never has to get a job? Like that's how I see this. 38 years? He's like, I'll just do this in lieu of actually working. Here, I'll read it. just do this in lieu of actually working here i'll read it ahmar bartigi a clerk from new delhi raised his right arm above his head in 1973 in honor of shiva deity and since then never put it down despite pain and arm deformation he managed to keep his arm raised for 38 years and counting i don't like how the count is continuing because at around like year I don't know, two,

it became a decision that you can't undo. Like your arm is fucked. You're no longer choosing to keep your arm in the air. Have an adult servant bathe your arm because you can't even reach. Look at his fucking fingernails. Look at those fingernails coming out of that hand. Like a sloth. It's horrible.

It's a cage. They're just going to cage his hand. In 1973 he chose to ruin his arm and that choice has been made now. That's what's horrible. It's a cage. They're just going to cage his hand. In 1973, he chose to ruin his arm, and the choice has been made now. That's what's happened here. Did he get caught beating it, and that's his, like, reparation? Oh, that would be good. I think he's reaching up for maybe the goddess to take his hand and take him away. At some point, like, your muscle failed. Like, maybe it's like a day two

days like does he just did he just hold it up until it locked in i have no idea if he's got more if he's got like a rope in his bedroom hey keeping that thing dangling that's cheating yeah that's cheating that's not a sacrifice that's an assist or he kept it in the air and then he would like sleep like this and then wake up in the morning and immediately lift it back up that count though yeah that's not even a real sacrifice is it about being in one position i thought it was about being held upright and support you know yeah i'm like ever relaxing i'm a fail with this one but if i can leave it above my head but and then lay down then well i'm just gonna lay down a lot yeah yeah that's true so really if he was laying down to fix his arm like that it's not very fair

there's i can't think of a way that this makes sense no i don't know his religion at all but there's no way that any religion out there wants swaths of people sacrificing half of their upper body mobility to just be a douche that he gets googled every so often on just to get gawked at well he comes from a you know a culture that doesn't wipe their every so often just to get gawked at. Well, he comes from a culture that doesn't wipe their ass, so what do you expect? They just use their hands. Yeah, they just use their hands.

I've seen so many videos of them pooping on the streets and stuff. You have an odd finish. They never wipe. They're saving it for later. They just pinch it off and then go about their day they pull whatever their their pants or trousers whatever they just straight up and and just go about their day so can you ever watch um an idiot abroad yeah carl pilkington

hilarious you've seen it it's absolutely hilarious carl pilkington is this british english i guess funny man almost unintentionally He just gets put in uncomfortable situations and you laugh at him, basically. He goes to a couple of these guys and tried to ask them questions about it and shit. Like, saying, like, why do you hold your arm up? Why do you do this? Why do you only sit in Indian style? Like, one of the guys, maybe I'm thinking of, like, a different YouTube video I saw and this wasn't it, but a guy had his legs crossed, likeian style or whatever you say now crisscross applesauce which is just

i'm not that stupid he's in indian style and this is someone who hasn't moved out of indian style in a long time to the point that when he wants to get up and move he like kind of lifts himself up like like a paraplegic and then like swings his body almost in different directions as he walks with his arms. It's fucked up. He's got good upper body strength though. I'm sure he does. This is stupid. This is so dumb.

I hate that people do this. In lieu of actually being productive members of society. Fucking contribute to the GDP, you piece of shit. He is. He is serving as an example. He's a beggar. No, he's serving as an example for others.

Hey, you want to work hard? Or do you want to be one of the guys who holds his hand up in the air? You want that, Jimmy? You want that? Is that what you want to be? You want to be like him? Look at his hand, Jimmy. They're basically homeless people that live off people who like him? Look at his hand, Jimmy. They're basically

homeless people that live off people who work. I don't like it. I don't like it. I don't like them. Do you think this guy says crazy stuff like Pat Robertson does? We just don't understand it because we don't speak

language. I literally thought you were going to say like shoe nice. I thought that's where you were headed with that sentence. Oh, no. I mean, if shoe-nice were, like, a religious demagogue, then maybe that would be apt. He is to be. He is to be. That dude is the saddest, like, the saddest story

ever. I mean, the fact that we had him on the show. Did you? Yeah, he's been real positive and negative since he came on the show. But you? Yeah, he's been real positive and negative since he came on the show. But, you know, I think we'll have him on again sometime. Why not? He's at the very least

interesting. Yeah. And he, like, there were a lot of things he said, and I just wonder, like, what the thought process behind it was. Okay, for example, he says by the time he's 50, he's in his low 40s now i think he'll be a ufc fighter right he just he's just a few years training away from making his rookie year at 50 years old in the ufc interesting yeah he's going to feed the world like like step one

eat like caulk and stuff step two he didn't really explain, but step three was feed the world. This is like that 4chan, like, eat cock, like, process it, question mark profit. He should be giving Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump tips on dodging questions. Because, well,

I guess Donald Trump follows the same philosophy of, alright, they asked me this, I don't want to answer. If I say something ridiculous, suddenly we're onto that. Like, instead of, I don't want to answer. If I say something ridiculous, suddenly we're onto that. Like, instead of what I don't want to answer. Is he wrong though? I mean, I just, I remember seeing him chug like bottles of like Goldschlager and like vodka

and I'm like, that is a, uh, that takes an effort to keep that down. Like, that takes a, that or a severe issue. And now, now, he's curtailed the uh the alcohol no uh he said he wasn't gonna another drink between our show and then you're gonna take his word for no well you see we sent him like 20 dollars and we told him we wanted to do a liquor slam but in but he was like oh yeah i'm not

drinking right now not till christmas and because he's literally an alcoholic you got to respect that you gotta be like oh well any break at all is good i guess i can't really you know so so we had him eat some wood glue on the show instead thursday by tuesday he's drinking again oh my god yeah good on him i mean the fact that he's still alive is good on him it is impressive i was talking to my wife about it and i was like i i think he just knows the tricks right like almost i think eating caulk and i think like a silicone based caulk and i asked him like does it come out the other side as like a silicon turd shape or something? And he's like, no, no, no. You got to know the secret.

Like I'm sure he has subcategories. Like when I drink alcohol, it does this. When I eat spicy things, it does that. Anything latex-based does this. So he ate latex-based caulk, which your body apparently can process to some extent. It comes out like regular poop. which your body apparently can process to some extent it comes out like regular poop i i sincerely doubt that a guy eating cock and like pennies and nails and tampons has an excel spreadsheet open somewhere recording his bowel movements and the types that result from different

things like how to counter wood glue it's like well i just have to eat this much right pizza and i'm good this is this is my my fecal journal episodes 266 i just drank a full bottle of goldschlager and i threw up everywhere i have no idea where my shit is how much is flushed but this one is na you know i'm convinced that true like it can be wood glue caulk or paint It's all in the latex family, and it does this to you. Spice does that. Alcohol does something else. And paper products like tampons, paper, et cetera. I bet he has it worked out on what's safe to eat and what's not.

You guys mentioned nails. Does he literally eat sharp things? I haven't seen that. I just made that up. I don't think he eats nails. I doubt he does things that would internally harm him. I've seen it on TV. People do, but I haven't seen Shoe Nice do it.

Yeah, I don't know. Either way, he's a valuable human specimen. He needs to be observed after death. Somebody needs to really look into him inside of him. For sure. See what the fuck's going on there. Do the donate your body to science thing. I think it's

ozzy osbourne is going to be doing that because something about like maybe this is one of those stupid little like mtv rumors but apparently a doctor at some point was like with the amount of drugs that you've consumed in your life you should be dead so can we study and see why that is i heard that too back that he was a little bit of a neanderthal or had like some neanderthal dna in him which i'm sure a lot of european people have neanderthal d and like some Neanderthal DNA in him, which I'm sure a lot of European people have Neanderthal DNA. I'm sure a lot of people not European have Neanderthal DNA, but that also is coming from a place of profound ignorance. I have no idea.

I also heard the Ozzy Osbourne thing and I found it really interesting and it's probably even true. And at first I thought like, wow, you know, like they want his dead body. Like I was like, wait a minute.

That's not that exclusive a club. They want all the body. It's like, wait a minute. That's not that exclusive a club. They want all the dead bodies, really. Anyone could just donate their body and have some medical students tear it apart or whatever. Yeah, but they've got something special in mind for his. They're not going to throw him to the medical students. They're going to take him to a room like, all right, everyone, we're about to open him up. Scalpel. And there's going to be a guy recording it.

They're going to take blood samples, tissue samples. We're going to be checking out this bone marrow. He's not the guy you throw out there. All right, try not to make too much of a mess of him. We like to have him in one piece when we throw him in the field. So I looked it up, and apparently this was Ozzy's idea. He says, by all accounts, I'm a medical miracle. When I die, I should donate my body to the National History Museum.

It's all going well on a bender for a couple of days, but mine went on for 40 years. At one point, I was knocking back four bottles of cognac a day, blacking out, coming to again, and carrying on. So really, it was his suggestion that he was – he's like, I'm a medical miracle. I should donate my body. It's all his idea. Can we take a moment to realize that his wording, he wants to go to the National History Museum, not to the Medical Science Museum.

He wants to be embalmed and put in a cage. That's 40 years of this drug abuse. We've got to keep that in mind when Ozzy Osbourne says anything because we don't marvel at the fact that he did it for 40 years and he's still such a bright, poignant, witty guy. We marvel that he can still walk. We marvel that he can still walk. That's it.

I misunderstood what I was saying. The way he tries to talk is almost like if you didn't know that he'd been poisoning himself for years, then you'd feel bad for him. Because you just listen to the mumble, mumble, mumble. It's like, is there a thought in your head or is this just, you know, resonating past thoughts trying

to sneak their way out? It doesn't make sense. It's kind of sad. Is he? I think he cheated on his wife. I'm sure he did. I'm sure he has no idea. Who else would love?

Yeah, he forgot about it. I have a parenting question for the panel. Are you guys ready for this? Yes, all of us fathers. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. These are the perfect people to come to. Oh, yeah.

So this was like three hours ago or something like that. I decided to take Colin to play Pokemon Go. Now, the temperature outside is like 66, and it's starting to mist a little. Definitely not rain, just like barely misty. And I throw on a hoodie because we're both wearing shorts and T-shirts. And I say, Colin, do you want a hoodie? I think he should have one. But I ask him, and he says, it's not cold out.

I was like, well, it's kind of medium, and it's misty. Like, I'm wearing mine. Do you want yours? And he says, no. By the time we get to the end of the driveway, his mom's calling me. Why do you have a hoodie on, and he doesn't? And I said, you know what? I kind of agree with you, but this is how kids learn, you know? It's his call, and she's like, you won't be the one taking care of him when he's sick to which i replied and i'm only like 60 sure this is right cold doesn't make people sick viruses do he'll be fine yes so uh the panel has agreed anyway would a better parent have forced him to wear a hoodie or let him learn from a hoodie? Because he wanted it, right? He's there freezing.

I put the windshield up for him and snuggle him. He clearly decided afterwards that he should have followed my advice. You should have brought the hoodie in reserve and then let him get all chilly and shivery and been like, should have brought your hoodie, huh? Yeah, I should have. I did. And then you look like a genius because you all along yeah that would have been a better option i used to do all sorts of like stupid shit when i was young like i i legitimately just didn't get cold when i was young i'm 23 but

when i was like you know 14 and 15 back before you got old, right? Yeah, yeah, before puberty. No, but, like, I would go to soccer practice in shorts and a short sleeve t-shirt, and it's, like, 45 degrees out. And I was just, like, it wasn't that bad, but it was also kind of, like, I don't know. I just didn't want to bother with taking it off and putting it on and shit, so. I didn't get sick.

It's not the cold that makes you sick. Yeah, I guess, like, cold could make you sick if you get soaking wet and then just sit out there and get whipped by wind for an hour but i mean i did the same thing but i was a little bit spiteful with it like i didn't get that cold as a kid i think kids don't get cold because your mind's just on other things you're just so wildly like in fantasy worlds that you're not thinking about being cold and i would never wear coats and jackets and i would be looking back a little bit spiteful to my mom or dad and they'd be like hey do you

need a coat and of course in my little kid head i'm like they have no idea that i'm cold they're just offering to be considerate but really i was probably like no no i'm not cold i don't make the decision myself yeah this is my decision and you're not gonna undercut it i'm eight in all of taylor's little kid stories i picture them with a full beard like taylor at eight years old fully bearded like no i'm not cold having hip puberty at birth because that's how i always full beard like back when i was two i was a kid on a leash. I'm sure I've mentioned that before. I was a leash kid in the mall. No, I didn't.

Did you say that before? You were the leash. I may have mentioned it. I wasn't a regular leash kid. I was like a misbehaved one too many times, like a dog in the park. And so then I had to be taken to the mall a couple times on a leash just to reestablish those boundaries. And then you get taken off the leash again. on a leash just to reestablish those boundaries and then you get taken

off the leash again. It was just a wrist leash because I guess my mom didn't want to go whole hog into the leash thing because a lot of them are basically a harness where you can be like get back here and the whole kid just moves because you're just a child. But like what

I would do and my mom tells me it better than I do obviously but I'd let some slack form in the line while she was at, I don't know, White House Black Market or whatever fucking stupid store she dragged me to, and I'd just let some slack in, and she said to them she'd turn around, and

there'd just be a wrist cuff laying on the floor at the mall, and I would have ran off, and I didn't cause mischief or anything at the time, but I liked playing hide-and- hide and go seek in the middle of those, those big things of clothes. You know how there's, I don't know,

600 of those in a Macy's and there's like five stores like Macy's and every mall. It was just a, I wouldn't listen to the announcers at the mall where they'd be like, well, Taylor, please come to KP toys. Will you come to KB Toys?

We know you want a toy. But I grew out of that phase. I don't run away from people at the mall anymore. I love hiding in those. But you still hide in those clothes racks. Still hide in the clothes racks. As an adult man. In a clown costume.

Sir, we need you to get out of here. So what's going on with the clowns? Let's talk about the clowns. I keep hearing more and more clown sightings. Is it just kind of a joke, like high school kids are just putting on clown masks and going out to, like, creep people out, and then somehow it's getting national news coverage? Or is there some sort of grand clown conspiracy and we should all be worried?

I'm friends with a clown. I've showed you guys this picture. All right, are you friends with someone'm friends with a clown i i've showed you guys all right are you friends with someone who works as a clown and their real life or are you friends with the kind of clown who goes out and and creates mischief and frightens women and children so he actually doesn't create mischief and frighten women and children so like he's strongly against the people that are doing that and he feels feels like they're giving clowns like him a bad name. A bad name! Yeah, yeah.

He says, look, clowns haven't hurt anyone since John Wayne Gacy. Is that his name? Casey? I don't know. To be fair, he killed a lot of people, though. That was enough for forever. But that was the last clown to hurt anyone, according to him. I don't really know my stats.

And, uh is are you fucking around a little bit or is this a he actually he told you no one has a clown has not hurt the public since john wayne gacy he said that we're facebook friends and i love following him on facebook because it's it's typically some sort of clowns rights rant right and get one of these facebook posts and read it verbatim because that sounds like the most hilarious thing this is for clowns in our district so so so maybe i just didn't catch it just now but but but in what capacity is he a clown um so he actually does a lot of like nice things like he'll he'll go to hospitals he has um he has a bunch of clown friends, and he bought an ambulance.

And it's all done up. Like a clown ambulance. It says zombie hunting type thing. Now he seems a bit militant. Now he's suddenly a zombie hunting clown. I feel a little off-put already. You mentioned the hospitals and I picture Patch Adams. Now he's zombie hunting and I picture Daryl with a big red wig on.

He has a following. I don't know how large the following is, but there's often kids and stuff that like, oh, I love what you're doing. And he like responds to them in these video posts on his Facebook page. Like, hey, you know what? Like, I'm really glad you follow us. It's pretty cool. Some of the things we do are kind of scary, but you know I'm glad that you dig it In the video posts is he in clown makeup? I'd often on yeah like like he's He's one of them you know this right like he's one of them He's a really nice guy. He's a yeah, And so is John Wayne Gacy

Look at all the fucking reports You know what John Wayne Gacy did as a clown? You know what his capacity as a clown was? He did children's birthday parties And always got good reviews Yeah, the kids loved him John Wayne Gacy's Yelp store That would be hilarious if they had that at the time

4.8 stars He started biting my child's arm at one point, and we had to tell him to just get right out of here. He did. He ate. I think he was cannibalistic. I'm pretty sure he was, too. I mean, that's a pretty safe bet for serial killers.

Weren't they buried under the house, too? Yeah, they were all buried under the house. They're always under the house. Maybe that's why your clown has the zombie hunting, because he's afraid that all his past murders will come back to life, so he's gotta cover both ends, bookend it, you know? The killing and then the potential return.

I'm going through his post looking for a good one. He talks about Clown Lives Matter a lot. No, that's like a joke fucking hashtag. I thought it was fake. I'm pretty sure it was fan-made. It was one of those Twitter things where there's maybe 3% of people who are taking it seriously,

and the fact that it's there is because 97% of people are like, look at these fucking jack-offs talking about Clown Lives. I'm going to find a clown lives matter video I can I can you I hope it has like sad music and it's like real clowns and makeup like you guys are you guys are bringing our sales down or they just have like the sad music and you see like a guy painted like a clown but he's got like a cleft palate or something. Clowns are struggling all over this world.

And they receive no attention. I wish I could... He balloons a day. You could make this really active on Facebook. Like if I were to print out what I've scanned through so far it would be like 29 pages. And I'm on like October 1st. Old people on Facebook post so much or like or like parental

age people to the point where i'm like i like i had to mute most of my extended family because they just when once you retire it's like a switch you're like i have nothing to fucking do i'm gonna shit post facebook that's what they do that is what do. Both older than me, I'm sorry, younger than me and still old. Younger than you and still old. Yeah. Speak volumes about both of you. Well, I never trust a clown, as my grandfather always told me as a child. So I'm not going to be able to sign off on this gentleman.

I said a lot of red flags popping up uh as you described him is there a way to search his timeline you can scroll you can just like page down and keep keep like letting it scroll and control after like with the big red nose icon go to the clown uh clown post search i i dude. What does he look like? In clown form. I don't care what his characteristics are. I'm wondering what, like, is being a clown like that? Please don't dox him or write him or get him anything.

But he's a big man, like, in real life. So he's probably six. I'm trying to remember. Three or four, right? Like, taller than most people. And he works out a lot more so than when i hung out with him so he's become like kind of a six foot three six foot four muscular guy holy shit let me just let me just clarify here you're saying a large

powerful man in clown makeup go on okay uh his mohawk is like oh my god yo his mohawk is like 18 inches tall. Oh my god! Yo! His mohawk is about 18 inches tall. How big is his knife collection, would you say? Would you say it's two or three shelves of knives? All jokes aside, I bet he's got a legit knife collection. I know he's got some cool guns. He's got a Desert Eagle. I went to his house, he had a Deagle. What is his clown suit like?

Is it made out of the skin of others no it's a if I remember right it's like a leather jacket with some like decorative stuff it's not far from like a biker gang thing you need to see a more recent pic you know what cleans off of leather really easily is blood. Like, it doesn't stain. You just wash it off. And semen. And semen, yeah. Oh, no! Dude, all his posts are about being a clown. He has, um, he has a beard, but

the beard is shaven in such a way. This guy sounds so goddamn scary right now. When you do the makeup. I'm afraid for you. He's a great guy. You know this guy. No, he's so nice. I've known him for like 11 years now. He's going to kill you with a power drill. Woody is going to be

saying that exact same thing in four years on a CNN interview. You know, he always seemed really nice. He was just getting his ambulance and drive around. I had no idea. He has eight kids' heads in that ice cream bag. Full sleeve tattoos. I'm looking at his right hand right now

because he's flipping the bird. He has brass knuckles tattooed on the back of his hand. This guy sounds like he would really enjoy entertaining kids and have no ulterior motives. Kids like him. He's the sweetest guy. He really is. I've known him for a long time.

You need to stop saying that. That's more and more of an accessory. I like how this started off as like, yeah, I know a clown. And we're like, aha, he's definitely a suspect. And every detail you brought forth has just reaffirmed this guy murders kids. No, you don't understand. He spends so much time volunteering at night on the weekends. He goes out for hours at a time volunteering.

He disappears some dirty days at a time. He must have been planting trees out there. Like, that's why. He volunteers doing landscaping work, he said. All that concrete, he's rebuilding sidewalks. He's been going door to door selling knives, he said. He shaves his beard with lines across the front of it and stuff. So when he's in clown makeup, it really is like a thing.

He's made, in my opinion, would be like a big sacrifice for his daily life. Because most people don't want an 18-inch mohawk and weird shaved beards and stuff like that. Most people don't want an 18-inch mohawk and weird shaved beards and stuff like that. Because if you just, for example, shaved your head bald, then you could go through normal life really outside of clown. But he's so committed that he's got to have a mohawk in his day job or something. Yeah. Yeah. I can't.

He's great. He's great. And he spends his time helping kids and driving around in his done-up ambulance. And, yeah, fantastic guy. We'll let the viewers decide, okay? We'll let them be the jury here. They're so unqualified for that. They make all the worst decisions. No, I think they're great.

They're all U.S. citizens. They all will get called for jury duty. They're real people. I just got called for jury duty. How'd that go? I didn't know. It's literally election day. They're like, Woody, you're busy on election day. And I have jury duty on November 8th, it would seem.

That's so... I got called for jury duty. Skipped jury duty. I was out of country, and I realized that. I was like, oh, shit, I'm going to get in trouble. They just automatically reassigned me for three months afterwards, and I was like, great, cool, show up three months afterwards. And I was like, I walk in, I'm like, I really can't take a trial, murder trial for two weeks where I can't work.

And I literally signed my thing. She goes, all right, well, we have no cases today, so you get let free. I work. And I literally saw my thing. She goes, all right, well, we have no cases today, so you get let free. I'm like, I'm in central LA. How do you have no cases at all? Like, I appreciate it, but I was in sweatpants. I tried to look like a scum. I don't know if that helped.

I had a similar thing. I got called for jury duty. This is probably six, seven years ago. And they just give me a phone number to call, and they tell you whether or not you have to come in and that's awesome yeah so i didn't have to come in it's not much of a thing is i would have like if i was working like a normal nine to five job because it's like a mandatory thing and they can't fire you that would be fun to do if i was working a nine to five like where you get a whole like at least one day maybe a couple days off to sit there get free food,

deliberate, and just see what the process is like. But not when you're self-employed. I was like, I literally can't make this income up. Please don't choose me. I'm sure you'd hardly feed yourself if you had to take a week off. I probably wouldn't.

I would be making videos out of a cardboard box on the side of the road. Hey, have you bought a ridiculous car yet? I feel like there's a certain playbook that YouTube celebrities are supposed to follow. Nope. I leased my car. I leased my car. I got rid of the 2004 Pontiac that I had because it got totaled, not by my doing, by somebody else who was driving it.

And the most expensive thing i ever bought is a soundproof booth like this is i'm i'm in a sound what car are you leasing a mercedes c300 for 249 a month so don't come at me with this like 700 like you're leasing a luxury vehicle like no it's the entry level fuck you i love it it's actually pretty cheap it is it was a good deal and it was because i totally was like hey by the way like i tweeted at the dealership i was like can't can't wait to show up today guys and they were like yeah we saw so we gave you like the friends and family benefit i was like thank you so i don't know if that helped or if it was like a normal deal and they tried to make me feel special but we tried that um when we getting a swimming pool, but the salesman was like 60 and had no idea about YouTube.

He's like, cool. Well, let's talk about your pool, salesman, or we might get sued or something. Yeah, yeah, I can't take that story too far. There's been some legal wranglings. It came out well, but there was a non-disclosure as part of it. That sucks. You've had a lot of issues with contractors i

think like two times ago you were dealing with the dude who was building like your shed or something yeah he was not doing a good job i feel like part of it might be that i am i not supposed to protest when they fuck things up like i don't know like you know so the pool guy shit i can't talk much about that one but like so the guy that worked on my house, this is before I moved in, they ran really far behind schedule, and they'd have issues with quality control and stuff. And maybe everyone else is just like, ah, I knew the schedule was bullshit from the get-go.

I don't care. And then just come back and fix the QC, and everything will be fine. Whereas I'm like, what the hell? Why do I have to catch these problems? Why aren't like, you know, shouldn't there be like a foreman or a project manager or something like looking this stuff over? And, you know, you said two weeks, but it's been three months.

Like, doesn't this seem wildly late to you? It seems wildly late to me, but maybe everyone else is like, yeah, I knew two weeks was just part of the sales pitch. I don't know. Like, perhaps my issue with contractors is that most people get fucked and, like, never raise a fuss. And I raise a fuss and talk about it on PKA and shit. I don't know. You and Trump doing the Lord's work.

Do your research on your contractors better. No, now I have a friend who's a contractor. And that's going better. So I just hire him. That works out. Yeah. So, yeah, he mentioned Trump. I like it when we talk about politics, like, kind of at the end,

like deeper in the show and stuff. So all that you shed the casual viewers and only the people that aren't the the casual viewers and only the people that aren't gonna leave you are at the end exactly we got to talk about fun things like clowns murder clown friend potentially killing people that's still up in the air we haven't decided fbi phone numbers to call you know just as casual tips for unrelated circumstances there is definitely at least a half dozen cats and or puppies buried in that clown man's backyard.

We all know it. I got to the point where I can't scroll any further and I still haven't found the post I wanted to read to you guys. That's outstanding, honestly. He's the kind of guy that would take over the animal control and at first people would be like, wow, this guy, there's no wild animals anymore. Then they'd start to find box heads sitting around and then they'd be like, wow, this guy, there's no wild animals anymore. Then they'd start to find fox heads

sitting around, and then they'd be like, where's Fluffy? Where is Fluffy? And they'd find it crucified in the woods or something. That's the level of extreme. Yeah, I don't put it past them. So this can't be shared, but you guys will enjoy this. So we

should not post this on Twitter. Yeah, that's a fox crucifier oh my god dude that listen not only does he look like he runs with it but it also looks like okay okay it all i mean good on him he gets made fun of but good on him that was a that was a bold choice he made you can't there's no coming back from that like that's just that's a that's a statement that episode of it's always that's a statement and everybody remembers that episode of it's always sunny in philadelphia where charlie goes into the bathroom and the kids are beating up this juggalo who's in full face paint and he's like he's like hey

which one of you which one of you did this who painted his face like that he's like yo man i did this to myself i'm a juggalo juggalos for life and he's just like that's this kid i want to know who did that to him i want to know what is like the answer is father he looks up to his dad that's why he does that you know that right that makes perfect sense he looks up to a serial killer that's We like him, he's a friend! You know. So this- Wait, I'm waiting on a push. Does he have any odd hobbies? Other than clowning?

Uh, he likes to go off-roading. HOLY SHIT! Isn't he great? No! Dude, you can't tell me the kids love this guy! This is the guy from the new- I love this guy! I'm not gonna describe this guy, but just a generality, like what I'm taking from looking at him, he is a scary clown, guys, okay? He is not just a scary clown, he's the kind of clown who's going way out of his way to be like a monster clown.

You would run this guy's if you're driving down the middle of the road late at night and he's standing in the middle of it you're flooring it like that's a not a second ten and two and brace for impact like i'm not slowing down usually clowns are smiling he does what i like about these he's got he has like has like a Joker drawn on scar thing. There's an ambulance shot. What I love about these pictures is it proves everything I'm saying has been true.

It does. Worse than I thought. Worse than I thought. An ambulance is much better than a rape van because the doors swing wider obviously. It's a vehicle made for throwing bodies into the back.

That's what it's for. It's got the tie-downs and the gurney inside. He's got those scary contacts in that you only wear when you want to freak people out. You don't walk into a board meeting with clear eyes and look at people

scarily. What kid in the hospital recovering from lymphoma is going to have this clown walk in and he's like, yay! You can see the brass knuckles on his hand. He goes into the terminal unit

and makes the kids... He's one of the scariest clowns I have ever seen. He might like that. There is a fucking collar with spikes on it. He's going for scary, I'm sure of it, right? So he's kind of nailed it, I think. I'm just...

Yeah, but that's not like clown as much as it is scary, you know? Like, I would never see that guy and be like, oh, man, what a day. Like, a lot of fun today. Look at the... I wonder what balloons he blows like no knives knives and guns that's what he pops other people's balloons could you make me a poodle no only knives so a knife based on his facebook feed like he's always sort of like

doing like charity things i think right now with halloween ramping up he's got like haunted houses and stuff to rock but um yeah i don't know he's just always doing ramping up, he's got like haunted houses and stuff to rock. But yeah, I don't know. He's just always doing nice things for people. He's excited. He has like a community of clown friends that he like exists with and stuff. That goes all around the country? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, literally. And like he promotes other clowns because they're doing like Facebook live streams and stuff like that um you know he's and there's their own community everyone who met him john wing gacy seemed like a likable and affable man he was widely respected in the community charming and easy to get along with he was a good catholic and a sharp businessman when not running his construction company was active in the Democratic Party precinct, Captain. When he had his photos taken with First Lady Rosalind

Carter. He spent his free time hosting elaborate parties. Street parties for his friends and neighbors. Volunteering for the community. Entertaining children as Pogo the Clown. He was a generous, hardworking, friendly,

devoted family man. Everyone knew that, but that was the side of John Wayne Gacy that he allowed people to see. Underneath the smiling face of the clown was the face of a depraved fiend. Here's a Facebook update.

I do different things all year long for various fundraisers and charity events. I'll be at different haunted attractions between now and Halloween as a Midway character just working near the ticket booth. Come visit... I don't know if he'd want me to say this or not. What do you think?

We went too far. That's the closest one I'll be at. Good on him. He's literally doing charity work. So did John Wayne Gacyacy all i'm saying is like i swear to god if in six to twelve months if if if you find out that this guy was involved in any nefarious deeds just remember this conversation and know that it wasn't even well hidden okay like like it wasn't even a well you're you have to go to the jail with the recorder and interview him be like so why did i fall for your shtick but nobody else did

or he's just a good-hearted very intense guy like like patch adams clowns don't work on 2016 kids with cancer they have the internet they can grab their ipad and look up yeah i don't care what this guy says i'm it's not looking good for me. We need clowns like this guy who will burst in and make the kids wish for death. Maybe I'll get better. At least I won't share the world with this

maniac anymore. It's your operation, Timmy. I think you're doing good stuff. It just got moved up so he'd pull from his front when i was off-roading and everyone was not nice to me because i was a yankee he was nice to me anyway and he was like one of the most popular guys in off-roading everybody you're a how are you a yankee if you're in North Carolina? It's a fair question. I moved here 17 years ago. But you really have to know the off-roading community and just how southern they are.

And then you'd know how I didn't fit in. Deep south. Yeah. And he fully meshed with those guys but liked me anyway. I almost feel like he took a principled stand and was like, you know, he's been nothing but nice. Why are you guys all not cool back to him? And I guess that weighs heavy with me. He was easily in a position to be a dick,

and he used his power for good, and that's how I think of him. It's hard to get close to your victims if you're a dick, you know? Yeah. You got to be a smooth... These two in shape for a good clown. I want my clown with about 40 pounds too much on him. At least, yeah. Santa Claus-esque.

Galifianakis. Yeah, there we go. My suspicion is that we're out of date on what clowning is all about now. I bet modern clowns are just... I suspect clowning is part of why he's working out, right? And when I look at the other clowns in his circle, a lot of them, they look like Warboy from Mad Max. These guys are fit and scary. Have you ever seen the movie Cobra?

Where Sylvester Stallone is... Yeah, so Stallone is fighting against this sort of underground serial killer group of all white people who kind of have mohawks and leather jackets, and they stand around banging axes together and stuff. That's what these people look like to me. They look like the motorcycle gang or whatever that Stallone was killing. You should look it up so we can compare. I have a new topic. Taylor, I saw these and I thought of you.

Now, I know that you're not into contacts, right? Something about your eyes still changing or something. No, Lasik. You couldn't do Lasik, right? So then i found this they're kind of in the same family as like the body modification tattoo stuff she had glasses drilled into the bone in her nasal bridge fuck that and now she can wear those things just the lenses and screw them to her skull.

Am I the only one that's cringing at the thought of her tripping and falling on her face and the glasses hitting and just like... Just either bending or shattering, and then there's half of a lens of shattered glass. There's a reason people don't do this. Because they're pussies. I think you should step up and give this a go. I mean, I'm not going to say it doesn't look not interesting. I'm just saying there's a level of no that I have towards that.

It's a bit invasive, don't you think? Yeah. The payoff is too small. Very small. If I want to take my glasses off and fall asleep easier Without having to fall asleep my glasses, which is like impossible. I go like this and I take them off I don't have to get out a Craftsman kit toolkit or unscrew and stuff and get an allen wrench. I like that's what she's got something cordless right?

Sharp little implements near your eyes. And look at that. When you take the lenses off, it's just like a weird bar sticking out of both sides of your nose. And you know you've got to be able to see that, too, right? Yeah. Like, that doesn't look like it's in your peripheral. That drives me insane. And I bet she or he, whoever this this is lies and says they don't notice

it because as soon as they got this prep this procedure done they were like oh my god this sucks but i can't admit it was bad until i keep it a year or so and then act like it was a stylistic change because then otherwise i'll be like hey you know how we told you you were retarded when you spent four thousand dollars to have a mexican doctor screw little holes into your nose and then put your lenses there yeah Yeah, I remember that. Well, you know, you're right. You know what? It's like, hey, listen, you know what we can do? We can

drill into your nasal cavity. We can drill into your nose, alright? And we can bolt lenses on your face. Or we can give you LASIK for half the cost and you have perfect vision. It's like, no. My glasses are part of my identity i need these i like to think that there's nuts on the inside that this is literally a nut and

bolt thing that she like works instead of a screw into her bone no she's like she's got a wrench on one hand and like a flat hand in the other oh no this is just a bad idea i'll tell her i can't just get lasik because i then I'd have to develop a personality, and I'm not interesting enough to have anything intrinsically interesting about me. People need to look at me and be like, this is a conversation starter, okay, Taylor? Like, people finally want to talk to me. It's a conversation ender.

Or rather, one that I would not speak to someone who had that. Oh, I would. I wouldn't be able to not look. I would have to look at it and touch it and want to wiggle it. Where did they touch you as a child? What happened? I want to see if there's a wound there or anything. Does it hurt?

Can you wiggle it? If I do this, does it hurt? About something catching it from the sides. That's what I said. I just don't think that's a... Anything that would, like, catch you like that. Well, just don't go play in the nets and you'll be okay. Like, I just don't think that happens much.

Says a guy with no children, right? Kids do shit. They jump on you. They do whatever. I woke up the other morning and Colin's like, no, I'm not wearing your pants. I'm like, that's really suspicious. And I peer over the side of the bed and there he is with dad's clothes on, just doing one of these deals.

I'm not wearing your pants. Running around. Kids do shit. If you think they don't bump your glasses have some i think it'd be frustrating like washing my face and running my hands over that god damn it no like i'm gonna have to get used to like not touching that uh the same way like a washcloth if you if you wash your face like a cloth all of a sudden it's getting like hung on those things if you're in one of those like a knitted blanket like uh or something that, it's fucking getting hung on them.

It doesn't seem like a good idea. Most people's faces are naturally asymmetrical. If you're an archer. Yeah, if you're an archer, you're going to tear part of your nose off. What the fuck are you bringing that up for, dude? That's the worst. That's the worst. Here, I got my bow.

No. Yeah. People's faces are asymmetrical. And so one of those would be a little wonky compared to the other one, I would think. There's a reason that there's only these three pictures very close up at specific angles that they're using to show this. Because if you see this whole lady's face, you're going to be like, ah, that's a grievous error. That was a mistake. I love the sheer variety of weaponry that Kyle has all the time.

It just takes your eye. Yeah. Like, if Kyle had some knife demonstration that he had to do, you'd know there'd be no trouble with that. Oh, this butterfly knife right here? Yeah, that one. Yeah, that would rip right off and be so painful. I like to think you'd hit the target. That's my hope, right?

That some lens would just twirl and tap the target perfectly. While you're picking up your nose off the ground. With bloody eyes. That wouldn't be good, man. That would be real bad. Oh, my God. I don't even want to think about that. Don't do that.

I really don't like body modification stuff. Like, I don't... You know when people put, like, ball bearings under their forehead skin to get, like, horns and shit, and then you'll, like, you see their arm, and there's just... There's just meaningless holes. Have you seen that? Some people just put meaningless holes in themselves.

Yeah, yeah. And then fill it with something. You know you can put ball bearings in your dick, right? I haven't seen that, but I'm sure people have. So maybe you've seen the women's sex toys that have ball bearings in sort of a gel portion, and so as it turns, the ball bearings are moving around and creating a certain sense.

So you can get ball bearings put under the skin of your dick, so now your dick has these bumps on it. It's ribbed for her pleasure, if you will, all of a sudden. I'd like to think that there are better ways to please your partner than getting dick mods. I would like to think that, but no. There's only one way. You go to that same Mexican guy who will screw the lenses to the bridge of your nose, and he will put your dick bumpy, too He's got a whole hand of BBs, and he's just gonna put them if they are too. He's like look

I bought these BBs at Walmart six of them you like it'll spiral around your cock You want gold or silver in the shotgun chair. You know? You said you want double hot? You know? Yeah, that's foolhardy because you're really cornering yourself with prospective sexual partners. If you put holes in your penis

or ball bearings under the skin because... I disagree with you there. Because you're never going to be like... You're never going to be like you're never going to tell the other person that you have like some sort of modified dick until you're sure you're going to have sex anyway right like i'm not opening with you know by the way i got about six ounces of buckshot in my cock just so you know uh kind of makes it a trouble when i'm you know, going through metal detectors,

that sort of thing, but you'll get over it. Can you imagine just like going to the club or something and the metal detector goes over your crotch and he's like, uh, he pats you down and you've got to explain that you've got a metal cock, that you've got actual metal in your cock, and then

they're not going to believe you. No one's going to believe you. They's gonna believe they're probably they're gonna be like yeah they've got to be plastic they probably should be plastic thank god for trade schools i mean kyle how would you feel if you were about to take a girl home and she was like well real quick my vagina isn't what you would say normal i did have a magic bullet blender put up there and the blade replaced with soft vagina tissue. You okay with that? You'd probably say, no, I'd prefer we don't speak again.

Yeah, definitely. Why didn't you just fucking link? Do you guys want to see it? I'm looking at it, but I can't make it. Then it's probably completely off topic. It is. So what it is is is the academic race records of high school students who took the sat test so by the way this is already like

pre-selected to be the better students and among the better students it looks like women are beating the men in every category i don't i don't doubt it yeah it's like one it kind of ties into my observations. And Milo, when he was on the show, had a lot of reasons for it. Like Milo. Oh, Yiannopoulos. Yiannopoulos? Yeah, the Twitter dude. Yes, that's the guy. He's got him on the show as well.

No longer Twitter guy. Yeah, we got all the biggest stars. So, but he was explaining something like like you know women don't do particularly well on tests so they got rid of tests they made it more like participation and and homework based and and they like women don't like this so they got rid of multiple choice and now it's essays and soft skills and what have you and that they've been modifying schools to help women succeed this is what milo says um and i see this and i think god did they are girls just better in school maybe they're more obedient when i was ever yeah when i was in school i mean

it was just kind of like even although i did go to like a pretty liberal school it was just kind of like the de facto like the girls are always better in pretty much every category like that was just like you kind of accepted it school is i know kyle's trying to get in but school's just like you kind of accepted it. School is – I know Kyle is trying to get in, but school is just one big obedience test that lasts for over a decade, right? It's like 13 years, 1 through 12 in K, of like do this at night, read these chapters, take these tests, follow this assignment, learn this, learn that, learn the other thing. And if you do what the teachers tell you to and behave in class and listen like you're supposed to you will kick ass in school me not obedient at all right absolutely just did same yeah i want to say defiant but that gives a lot of credit credit to a lazy asshole you know like so go on well we were saying that you know milo had all those points and as much as i would like to agree with them all and believe that they're true um he sort of used those points to promote his charity to set up that scholarship for boys and then he just kept all of our money yes yeah he set up a

scholarship for white men and yeah Well hey it did all that money did in fact go to a white man that is true Yeah, Milo himself he never provided proof that he gave it or used it for any reason dude It's not even a charity like he didn't even register it as a charity. He just he's like hook me up bros I'll give it to one. Well whose fault is? Who promoted the non-existent charity, Woody? He did. You're an accomplice. I'm not. You're an accomplice.

Just like this murder clown. You're a murder and we're getting you for accomplice in Milo's weird pyramid scheme. To me, this is just based on my observation and the sphere of my personal universe. Milo was blowing up, right? Everywhere, Lord God, Milo, et cetera. And he's walking in, he's doing this tour amongst colleges and whatever. And then Milo was helping out this unnamed billionaire. I don't know.

And he said that this person wanted to contribute more money to Trump than was legally allowed. So he had an idea. He would, like, accept donations and then give them to Trump through this business. He would sell T-shirts and hats and other things. And they promoted it on the Donald subreddit. And there were a bunch of mods in on it, too. And it blew up big time. Everyone on the subreddit, I hope my phrasing is right, saw right through it.

They're like, look, if you want to donate to Donald Trump, you go to Donald Trump's website and give him money directly. You don't donate it to Milo and this unnamed billionaire and then have them redirect it to Donald later on. If you want to buy a Trump shirt, buy it from Trump. He sells them on his website. You don't buy them from Milo and this unnamed billionaire and then have it redirected. Since then,

I've hardly heard of... There was a huge revolt. Another subreddit nearly replaced the Donald. All the mods were thought of as shills. They're like, we're in the Donald Trump revolution. We're not an untapped market that you should be convincing us the right way to get the Donald is to. We're not an untapped market that you should be convincing

us the right way to get the Donald is to go through you first. I haven't really heard from Milo since then. I guess if we're going on the political thing, did you not hear the not the rumblings, but the idea that Trump is pivoting to try and make

an even further Fox News kind of thing. His own network, you're saying. His own Trump News network. The Treat Him Fairly. Well, yeah, exactly. Every time that he gets something happens, it's the media's treating me bad

or they're not covering the whole story or all this shit. And then, I think, what was it, like Breitbart or whatever comes in and it's like, we agree etc etc and a lot of people have been saying that he's not going to pivot he's just going to hold his stay his course and when he loses badly or like loses swing states by like small margin it's like the media fucked us over come to the truth network over here on kkk tv or whatever the hell he wants to do but like yeah yeah just so you know i hate them both but

i guess i'm leaning hillary because i feel like trump is is unqualified and stuff i think a lot of people are in the same boat taylor and kyle i think taylor hates hillary more like he's sort of the opposite of me it's impossible but hates hillary more than trump oh i thought you were gonna say you hated hillary more than me oh no no no, no, no. And Kyle, I think, is legit for Trump. Are you going to vote Trump? Both of them are. Yeah. I'm going to end up voting Trump, I guess, just because I just hate Hillary so much more. It all really comes down to a really simplistic stance of, like, no more Clintons, no more Bushes, no more of these same political families,

and we're turning into basically some weird oligarchy slash monarchy of the same few families controlling everything fuck that get her out of there she's had decades to do her bit Trump is not a good candidate he makes an ass of himself he cannot articulate his points well

whatsoever he often has points that would not be offensive if he could speak at a ninth grade level and then he manipulates he turns them into something offensive because of his is you know thick heavy tongue so i'm just voting for him as the lesser of two evils because i really don't think he's he was donating to hillary up until like 2008 he's not an actual really hardcore conservative republican he switches to whatever he thinks people want like all of these people like i just i i don't like and it's partially

like seeing so many media outlets so intent on just no trump no trump and so many politicians and all sides in the establishment being no trump no trump it's like i think a lot of people are in the boat where they're like no you know what fuck. Like, we're so tired of the words and the talking and the rhetoric and you acting as though we're all just a bunch of bumbling idiots who are eating it up, lapping it up. A lot of people are, but I think that almost it's like a protest vote for a lot of people to be like, oh yeah, yeah. Oh, we shouldn't vote for Trump. Oh, two thumbs. Yeah. Yeah. Enjoy that. Wouldn't it be, is it a better thing, it'd be like, what, Pence versus Clinton?

Because, like, Trump already, didn't he already say, like, he's not going to do anything? It's just like, he's, like, going to fucking be Trump, and then his VP will be Trump. I need to see where he said that, though. Because I remember when that came out, but I don't remember what it was based on exactly. So here's the thing.

He did say that to casick it was an offer that he made if you're a vp you'll be a really strong one right where does that information i've got because he didn't say it out loud he didn't tweet it did casick say that was what trump said because casick has a lot of reason to lie uh donald trump released a statement denying reports on cnn that he offered governor casich to be in charge of foreign and domestic policy, saying, you know the way I conduct myself. Do you really believe I would say John Kasich is in charge of foreign and domestic policy and Donald J. Trump will focus on making America great again? What am I, a meathead? Which is so weird because I was like, yes, that's exactly what

Donald J. Trump would say. It's interesting. So like the VP debate happened. Yeah, it's not a notable place. The VP debate happened and most people agreed that Pence won the debate that night. But in my observation, right, the lens that I see the world through, Pence won that night, but Kaine has won every day since then. Like the Hillary ads showing Pence like deny and lie all night long or just burning the fuck out of him right like trump would never say that i never said yeah like so they have these ads like this is what pence said in the debate that looks so clever when you saw it and then here's like the proof that he's saying it's a bit of trump saying it verbatim pence saying it verbatim. All the things Kane said at night

that seemed dismissed during the live debate are now like, holy fuck. Kane was the one telling the truth. Pence was just lying. No wonder he looks so good. He lied all night. He's just a better speaker. He didn't say that about thinking that Japan, Saudi Arabia

and South Korea should have nukes. He didn't say that. Yes, he did. I mean, I saw the video where he said it. CBS fact-checked him immediately after and showed where they just

distorted what he said. I don't think he said that they should have nuclear weapons. Alright, well, regardless of, like, I i mean i don't know about that particular point but i just i thought like what's interesting to me is like if trump was not speaking at a fourth grade level and could say more adjectives than very super and awesome like there's a very real chance this would be way closer or like naughty or like even you know flipped in his favor but it's, I watched the debate last night,

or not last night, last debate. Can we watch this? I haven't pre-watched it, but it's 20 seconds long, and it's on topic. So let's see what it says. Are you guys ready? What a great header. All right, ready, set, play.

We're better off, frankly, if South Korea is going to start to protect itself. Saudi Arabia is their weapon? Saudi Arabia, absolutely. You wouldn't be fine with them having nuclear weapons? No, not nuclear weapons, but to start to protect itself. Saudi Arabia? Saudi Arabia, absolutely. You would be fine with them having nuclear weapons? No, not nuclear weapons, but they have to protect themselves. But if you say to Japan, you get nuclear weapons, South Korea, you as well,

and Saudi Arabia says we want them to. Can I be honest with you? It's going to happen anyway. It's going to happen anyway. It's only a question of time. So what I got from that... I... You twisted the words a bit.

So he said yes to Japan. He said yes to South Korea. And he said, Saudi Arabia is going to get them anyway. I, I, I got to listen to it again. Go ahead. Go for it. I just think I'm, I'm super, this is like such an intro. There's definitely a no on South Korea.

Now I want to listen again. Here, I'll do it. We're better off, frankly, if South Korea is going to start to protect itself. Everybody listen again. Saudi Arabia, absolutely. I hear Anderson Cooper here saying, if you said with Japan that yes, it's fine. If you said that with Japan, that yes, it's fine.

So, so Anderson Cooper, Anderson Cooper restated his, what, there was an edit in there, right? So Anderson Cooper said, you said Japan was good and you said South Korea was good. What about Saudi Arabia? But we didn't, I didn't find a link of him saying. You're right. I, I just, you know, you're right. That, that, that, there's some twisting of words there I'm just saying that what Trump has said he's Anderson saying well what about this country what about that country what about this scenario that scenario is there any scenario and Anderson

is trying to get him to to say yeah give him nukes and what Trump is saying is like look this argument is kind of a dumb argument what we're talking about given in Given in 10 more years, they're all going to have nukes because it's getting easier and easier to make them. That's what he should have said, but he's not. Yeah, but he can't. He can't. I feel like we need to watch a three-minute clip to actually know. I would feel pretty okay.

I'd actually, I'd be probably happy to vote for Trump if Trump were at all like the guy that Pence was talking about during that debate. I think a lot of people would reassess that. If I just watched that debate and heard him talk about Trump, I would have been like, man, maybe this Trump guy's got something. Maybe he's not just the lesser of two evils, but actually a good candidate. But no. But the reason he won that debate and everyone said he did is because Cain came off like a petty little interjecting high-pitched child who and the

the facial features the mannerisms during the split screen anytime Kane made a wild accusation or something it came off as something like a crazy person would say he'd be like oh but what about the time that Trump did this that and the other and Pence was very good at having the body language of you know being more kind of masculine and just kind of moving his shoulders and shaking his head almost like i can't believe this guy's making such a fool of himself meanwhile a lot of the stuff that kane is saying is true so pence was cooler that's why he won the debate yeah he didn't win the debate on anything he said he wanted on style and that's it right he was cooler in the fact that he's more handsome and he was cooler in the fact that he was just like his vibe was a little cooler he's collected perfect he seems like a military

guy he he's he's calm and collected and he doesn't really raise his voice he just tells you how it fucking is having said that on the next day when they started like looking at the crazy things that kane was like trying to interject and interrupt with um it was like oh like here's what kane said and then here's trump saying you know here's kane saying it here's pence denying it here's kane being right and they just run with that there's like 12 examples or something ridiculous let's not i mean it's not like about the the whose point was better it's just like that like that a lot of it comes down to who can talk better, who can like smoothly get their point across. And like Trump cannot get shit across. It's just like there's nothing he can say that makes sense.

One thing I love about this election cycle, though, and I'm really excited about this. I thought it was going to happen for years and I've been wrong until this one that with the Internet, fact checking will matter more. Right. Remember when when Jon Stewart used to like take this guy's position now and then juxtapose it against what he said when like the president was on his side or not on his side and everybody was like oh that's so crazy like oh this is a position of convenience like you hit right you love it when like let's say he's a democrat you loved it when there was a democrat as president and you hate it now that a republican is like you're just being a dick I thought the whole world was going to do that that youtube was going to constantly expose people, that it would be harder to get away with lies

than it was before. And this is the first election where it seems like fact checking is the big thing. Who tells the truth more is a giant part of it. If you have one position today and another position tomorrow, get ready, because the internet, and there's going to be Seth Meyers, Stephen Colbert, Samantha Bee, and whoever, Fox News. They're just going to take what you said then, what you said now, do the Jon Stewart thing, and your words will be used against you.

Almost all of Hillary's campaign ads, which I see on YouTube, are like Trump then and Trump now. Right? You know? And that's what she busts them with. Telling the truth is suddenly getting more important, at least in presidential politics. Because I feel like the scorecard, almost all the time, is based on fact-checking. They announce their fact-check websites during the debate and say, follow along and we'll tell you where the lies are.

That wasn't the case in 92. In 92 and 96 and 2000, they would say, can you believe you wore a white shirt? White shirts don't work well on camera. They would critique people's ties, literally. They talk about their clothing. They talk about their tie. Al Gore lost because he sighed too much.

Now, I swear, if it was Al Gore against George Bush, the next day it'd be fact-checking out the wazoo. Who has a better plan? who has it worked out who has more but trump is getting smashed all the time in my little universe for not having like detailed plans you know hillary is winning the bullet point battle that never mattered until this year you know in previous years it was about who was taller and you know what shirt they wore and shit like that now it just now it's sexist to use any of those things though so we can't i guess maybe but shit i didn't even think of that now maybe maybe part of the reason is that it's somehow sexist to do that i i don't know but it both and both of those examples it would be i like to think trump clearly towering over 5'4 Clinton

at an impressive and manly 6'2. Look at the broad shoulders and how they fill out that business cut suit. And look how much like a bell Ms. Clinton looks. Like a real dumpling over there. Trump came out and like, look at his blue power tie. And then Hillary Clinton comes out

dressed as a power tie. From head to toe. She's literally red. She looks like Kim Jong-un's information minister. She does. But I hope that going forward it's always – that they constantly have to deal with fact-checking and lies and that their entire term, what they said versus what they do, will keep getting juxtaposed against each other. And that this is the influence of the information age on politics. And if they did that, things would have to clean up a little, one would hope.

I don't know. But that's the dream. It's so difficult because you can't trust what the overwhelming majority of sources tell you about either of them. sources tell you about either of them because there are some right-wing sources out there that will say that clinton is like directly involved in a body count of people being murdered and it's like okay well i seriously doubt that this woman stabbed someone like that's fucking ridiculous uh and i doubt that she was in the room you know clutching her pearls and rubbing her hands together as someone was being tortured and i also also doubt that Donald Trump maliciously was like screaming, you pig, you fat fucking pig, at this Venezuelan model.

19-year-old, right. In the 90s. Like it's, everybody has an agenda so much. I need to find it. I watched some YouTube video, and this guy probably had a fucking agenda too, so I don't even know. But it was showing how you could take the same same statistics and manipulate them and just through showing them different styles of graph really really push a certain agenda i saw something on cnn today

where it was a focus group and this guy who was in the focus group was after the debate uh they got asked it was like 20 something of them uh maybe like the high teens of them they're like all right who are you going to vote for are Are you Clinton for sure, Trump for sure, undecided, or third party? And they had five for Clinton for sure in their focus group. They had two for Trump for sure. They had like three undecided, and then they had 12 third party. And so they redid the focus group and removed the option for third party and just said that most people are still undecided. And was something that came out and it's like that's clearly ridiculous because

they didn't want to put out there that a huge percentage of people are probably going to go third party because they're also feeling the same thing of like fuck all of you this is bullshit we're tired of the same i i i keep harping on this on one hand i've stopped trusting cnn it happened a few weeks ago i talked about about it just recently, what the event was. But yeah, I just stopped trusting CNN. Oh, it was when they edited the footage of Hillary stumbling into the van and getting carried in and stuff. I was like, fuck it. That's just so intentional.

I'm done with them. On the other hand, I'm so done with Republicans complaining about treating unfairly and all that bullshit. Now Trump only goes on Hannity. Like, oh my god, you're like a fucking 19-year-old in your safe spaces. Why won't somebody ask Hannity? Someone ask Hannity what I think! If you would just go and call Sean Hannity and ask him about it, I guarantee Sean Hannity,

my best friend Sean Hannity, like, oh my god. He's like the children we hate on college campuses, demanding that they have safe spaces, you know? He's stopped going on anywhere but Hannity. Hannity, Hannity, Hannity, just all over that. And it's like, God, you fucking pussy.

Not that Hillary's really out there outside of her safe space. Where's she going? Hillary's not out there. She takes weeks at a time off. That's not really true. I did hear the list of things she went on. And, like, it was like Steve Harvey. And they had to pre-give her all the questions and oh did maybe

you heard the same thing i did and then the other ones were like cooking shows or something i probably have that wrong but completely non-confrontational she didn't go on with megan kelly you know that's what i want to happen you know everybody has to like pretend that she's entertaining and endearing on those shows like i heard a clip of it. I was listening to Ben Shapiro's podcast, and he played a clip of it, and it was one of the women on the panel asking, so I know you're a grandma. Once again, we're going to point towards your vagina.

And what do you do with your grandkids to just have fun and show them some fun? And she was like, well, that's a really good question. Well, the thing that we do is we like to do something where we take the kids and we play games with them outside, and we play outside games, and sometimes we have whole groups of kids come around, and they'll have a whole once or twice a year event where they play outdoors. And it was just like, what?

You don't even know what a child looks like, do you? Do you know what children do you you birthed chelsea straight away into some aids arms and then got back in the oval office to talk to bill about something like this she is so it is remarkable how much okay trump in the next debate i think if he does really well this thing is going to very quickly close up again. Because I think there's a lot of people out there who are just looking for an excuse to vote for Trump. Who are like, just show me that you're a bit reasonable and you're not going to go to Russia and be like, you know what else, Putin? You're a short little fuck and I hate you! I want to switch to this video but

like it i i'm hearing you and i'm like yeah you know taylor's you know universe his circle is different than mine because i feel like my world is like giving the fuck up on trump they're like oh don't even talk about my my world's like the opposite it's like so different yeah it's like the opposite. It's like so different. Yeah, it's like, all right, Trump, I listened to you. The more you talked, the more I realized I had to vote for the bitch. Like that's my universe. Yours is like give me a reason to vote. Like, you know, I just feel like Trump is more and more losing, and people have lost faith in him,

and he just doesn't even look like a serious presidential candidate anymore he is losing definitely i don't think he's gonna win at all but if he does it'd be pretty funny to me it looks like he keeps falling down the mountain that's all like there's no client this this next debate is the it's gonna start and they're gonna be like let's talk about uh let's talk about like immigration and hillary's gonna be like, your tax returns showed all of these things. Now I'm going to answer the question. And then for the rest of the debate, he's like, I'm not poor. I'm not poor, and I'm a good businessman.

I didn't lose any money. And it's just going to be like, no. I'm going to get so drunk off the drinking game. I want just competing foundation. What am I looking for? Irregularities, but worse. Competing foundation corruption charges.

Each one of them just starts swinging. I want to see this video. Trump took like 30 million dollars over the course of a few years from Saudi Arabia. I'm about that life. The dude's getting paid under the table and it took this long to get found out. Good for him.

Or maybe not. That's just a remarkable statement 30 millions of dollars i was joking i was joking that that's what the clinton foundation did yeah also similar thing just millions of dollars coming in and everybody's like cool dude that's the only difference is one of the foundations is controlled by someone with a huge amount of influence directly over policy and trade deals and could say facilitate the trade deal of a couple billion dollars worth of fighter jets from Boeing to Saudi Arabia. And the other guy is a loud mouth, orange faced dude who has a reality show.

I have one. I'm with you. I'm with you. So when I talk to my wife, I'm usually on the other side. I'm like the pro Trump one, even though the real me hates them both. But I guess we'll vote for hillary but when i talked to jackie she's so pro hillary she needs a counterbalance so i play the devil so um uh i was like she's like look trump and hillary are both equal on that one it's a push hillary accepts

money maybe for pay for play trump gives money for that pay for play andplay, and I'm like, no, no, no, let's do this. Let's say someone cheats in their marriage, right? Who's worse, the husband or wife that went out and cheated or the mistress on the side? I would argue that neither of them is a shining example of what you want, but the married person is the bigger villain in this thing. That's a pretty solid example. Yeah, yeah, that's a great example. Yeah, and here, you know, Trump is the buyer, but he's the mistress in this thing. That's a pretty solid example. Yeah, that's a great example. Yeah, and here, you know, Trump is the buyer, but he's the mistress in this thing, you know? The person who accepts the bribes is the worst.

The problem with Trump and, like, all the political discussions is, like, the way political talks are framed is you always have to be, like, on a side, kind of, just by nature of the fact that it's usually two real options and a couple of third party ones but it is it's trump needs to if he spends more than 30 seconds in the next debate defending himself he's already lost for the most part like he has to say you know my taxes i lost a lot of money in 1994 i used a legal tax program uh approved by whoever so to avoid income tax i

still paid this kind of tax corporate tax my employee tax my real estate tax all this and it's just been a smear campaign of whatever and then he gets all he'd do it but what he's fucking gonna do is be like no let me go through in great detail and explain all this which first of all trump you don't i mean you don't know anything about your politics like you should have been honest at the first point and been like, yeah, I lost a ton of money, and that's how I was able to not have to pay income tax. Legally through a government program, but I did lose a lot of money.

Don't say that you brilliantly discovered something and that you're masterfully gaming the program. Do you think Trump sat at home with fucking TurboTax doing his taxes? No, he has one of the four big accounting firms doing it, and he has no input because that's not how it works.

Those big four accounting firms have a vested interest in doing that the right way, because I'm sure that Trump isn't even their largest client. They've got people bigger than that. It's just crazy that he didn't just answer it honestly, and he

spun the thing of him masterfully weaving in and out of the tax system. It's like, that's not true. You weren't there pouring over legal documents, finding some hole in the tax code. You just bought good accountants, and they did what was legal. Why dig yourself this hole, you idiot? It's enraging to watch him. It's impossible to defend so much about that man because he is just awful in so many ways and i just he's just 30 to 40 percent

less bad than hillary in my opinion and maybe like 30 in my opinion like i can understand how a reasonable person would land on that conclusion or or on mine, which is also that they're both terrible. He's just 30% worse than she is. That's the thing, is that I feel like so many of us are so close to the same as far as actual views and whatnot. It's just opinion of who you think is 25% better. Because they are so negative. So for one thing, I think we should watch that hurricane thing with the reporter, but

I think we should maybe take some time and a bit and think of who we would want as our third party option, who's actually a realistic guy or girl out there. Alright, let's see the video. Can we do the video? I've been waiting to see this. Everyone's so excited about it. You gotta pause it

and then like you have to drag it back or it'll autoplay. Is everyone queued up? It's a little tricky. Yeah. Ready, set, play. ...Tonah Beach all the way up to Jacksonville. This moves 20 miles to the west and you and everyone you know are dead. All of you.

Because you can't survive it. It's not possible unless you're very very lucky and your kids died too oh and by the way and your kids died you do that I mean he's not super wrong he's all like dies plumber's gonna die, your mailman's dead. Was that Shep from Fox News? Yeah, that was Shepard. Your mother-in-law's dead. Shepard Smith, right?

Shepard Smith, yes. Dude, that was... I mean, it's fucked up. Category 4 is no joke, but, like, I'm... I mean, you know, Trevor lives 20 miles inland of where it's supposed to make landfall area, whatever. He tweeted that. And his house is full of reinforced... It's literally a concrete house with

hurricane-enforced windows. He's got drainage systems, all that stuff. And I'm still like, I wouldn't fuck around with that. Why not just drive anywhere else? Just don't stay. You can afford a hotel room. Just go get safe. your dog go don't you have this big ass jeep like you can drive over the debris on the way back it's just like i you know

once it hits category four it's just kind of like i don't even want to take the two percent gamble you know where like something could happen yeah maybe i'm just a huge deal about it today the governor the governor of florida like, everybody, like, we know we have some hurricanes here, but this one, like, please leave. Like, get out. Get out of here. If you're in one of those areas, please, please, please evacuate. I saw a weatherman on the Weather Channel, like, you know, like one of the

big guys, and he's like, look, for you guys that watch me all the time, you know I hate it when people cry wolf about these hurricanes and tropical storms. They're always trying to make a news story out of it that is not the case this time you need to evacuate you could die and uh i was like whoa like i chills like and now a word from chile's did you hear that uh clinton or hillary's campaign uh after getting quite a bit of pressure they pulled their campaign ads from those areas of Florida? Because they were running up until this morning where people would be like on the Weather Channel.

There were ads on the Weather Channel. It would be like, you know, stay tuned and we'll tell you what's up next in our safety checklist. It's like, I'm a veteran. And I think Donald Trump's a real asshole. Hillary Clinton paid me to say this. Thank you. Hillary Clinton, and I approve this message. Do you guys remember RPM?

I... Give me a minute. That's an SNL bit right there. That would be great. But stupid SNL would drag it out for six minutes. Yeah, they would. Yeah, or they'd know about comedy. Yes.

They're not a long-running show like PKA. Yeah. Well, would you be a little bit, like I know it's supposed to be this devastating storm. From the perspective of someone who's never had to even think about hurricanes like when i hear there's a hurricane i basically just think there's going to be a couple of really cool youtube videos in about five days because missouri doesn't get hit very often from hurricanes and i would you be like a

little bit disappointed if it kind of like got up to the coast a bunch of sand got kicked up and then it did like fritter away like just in the recesses of your mind I mean I'm all hyped up for a show I know you're saying landfall I'm all hyped up for a show I'm ready it's hurricane it's hurricane time hurricane Matt you bitches

it's not that you want to see people hurt it's that it's cool to see nature fuck with stuff every so often. I think that's the best way to say it. You don't want to watch somebody's arm in a corner. It's not cool. It's awe-inspiring. Like, it's like seeing one of those, like, Cat5 tornadoes, like, level an entire city, and you're just like, like, that sucks, but that's pretty fucking metal.

Like, that's just, just fucking wind just took out all of humanity right there. I never get the footage I really want. What I want is footage of crazy fuckers surfing. Right? Like the hurricane just passed. It's like 14 feet tall and the news people are like there's some surfers out there already

taking you out. Be careful. There's dangerous riptides, whatever. And I'm like 25 more minutes of that. I want 25 more minutes of that. Please focus on the surfers. Do you? Hurricane surfers. If somebody windsurfing, More minutes of that I put 25 more minutes of that please Surfers do you hear a cake sir? Somebody wins when surfing here it is somebody windsurfing in Fort Lauderdale Look at the look at the fucking high shit. I guess oh wow he's gonna go wrong. Woah woah woah woah woah! Holy shit! Yeah!

He's going through another area! Let me watch that again with- And he lands it too! That's the fucking crazy part. Dude, hold on. Oh my god. It's gonna go wrong. I have a feeling it's gonna go wrong. Go home and get your things. Get out of there.

Woah woah woah woah! He's like, no dude I can't win the surf with the best of them. Dude. Kite surfers are awesome. I've watched a kite surfer get like, I don't want to exaggerate, 200 feet of air in 39 seconds. Do you want to see it? Yeah.

You want to see a guy fly for 40 seconds? Like, yes, actually, I do. Right down my alley. You want to see a guy fly for 40 seconds? Like, yes, actually, I do. I think there's a video of someone, like, surfing in on a tsunami. Maybe it was that one in Japan or something. I don't remember. It might have been a Pokemon episode. I doubt you guys know. It was like there was a Pokemon episode I watched when I was six.

He literally surfs on a tsunami, and it's like the big one. And I'm like, that is such bad advice for any kid watching. It's like, I want to surf the big one and get died. Which Pokemon was Ash surfing on? It wasn't Ash surfing. It was a mentor, an old dude who's been waiting for ages. And it wasn't,

he was surfing with a Pokemon on a surfboard. I found it. Don't remember that episode. I haven't pre-watched it, but... So they're interviewing this guy his name is Top Hat and you'll see why he wears a top hat he's a kite surfer anyway apparently

he got pulled way up into the air and they're talking to him about it and while they're talking to him another guy gets yanked up even more than him are you ready can we just also make fun of the fact they spelled extreme wrong While they're talking to him, another guy gets yanked up even more than him. Are you ready? Can we just also make fun of the fact they spelled extreme wrong? Extreme.

Extreme. All right. Ready, set, play. So I have to get into this. Well, it was by coincidence. One day I grabbed a kite and I just flew up in the air. What the fuck? There's a guy up there.

Look. Look. in the air what the fuck look hahahaha hahahaha hahahaha the music is just like the version I heard didn't have this music I don't know what's up with the music I thought what he was saying was 200 feet

he might really be 200 feet up in the air he's so high just dangling from his shoes. His board is gone. Yeah, would you not? This guy's filming like, okay, this is a normal thing. This guy's going to get slammed in the ground and die. Oh, fuck.

Yeah, they all run out. That guy died. I'm not convinced he's alive. No, I am. So, I...- oh whoops. And look, just real quick, let's read the in the sentence. This person, if you just watch this video, it looks like this guy dies, and the name of the video is extreme kite surfing, big air, having a kite mare.

Those are comments. There's only three of them. And the first one is, LMFAO! Damn, is that guy okay? I can tell you. No, he's not okay. He's fine. So I watched another video. I won't make you guys sit through it

because it's like five minutes long. But they asked him about it. I thought he was hanging on to the bar. He wasn't. He was still strapped in. He had like a harness on, which is how he didn't get flung around and let go because he had his equipment on. He wasn't on his board, I don't think, when he got yanked off. I think he was on the beach or something like that.

He was steering it and making decisions the whole way. He's like, I was getting flown around. I came over here. He was driving that thing like a paraglider on whatever, way too long a string. He was working his way back to the beach he's like i got sucked up by this thermal and then it started to level off and then i got pulled up again and i was getting really concerned and he went around um they asked him if he was hurt and he's like ah not really injured like my whole side was bruised i was sore for days and he was mostly okay he He landed in mangroves or something? That's not a plant around here. No, no. Mangroves are a plant.

Around here. I don't know mangroves really. I couldn't point one. You couldn't point to a mangrove. No. But apparently mangroves are soft bushes that are good to crash into. So he did it on purpose. Kyle?

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Get your first month for free at dollarshaveclub.com slash pka. Just pay shipping. After that, it's only a few bucks, and that's dollarshaveclub.com slash pka. I like Dollar Shave Club. You know what? There's a little, I guess, sexist part of me that's excited. I like that they cater to men a lot. Like, of course, it's not just men.

But the stuff they, like the shaved butter, the one ripe Charlie's, of course, I guess is anyone. I don't know. It's just like, ah, yeah, this is like a beauty store for dudes that you can check out. And they solve your problem. It's cheaper and it comes right to your door. And, you know, longtime listeners know me and Amazon,

like I'll buy anything online. I like it when they bring the shit to me. That's my preferred method of shopping. So like, why is like, you know, whatever your hair gel or your one wipe Charlie's, it doesn't fit that mold.

It should bring it to me. It's better that way. Yeah, I agree. I have lots of those little brown packages of their razors. Just drawers full of them. It's always nice to be able to start with a fresh, clean, sharp blade.

Before we started working with them and I signed up and everything, I just never had razors. I was always using something that was dull. Now you're always looking great. Clean shaven, mostly. Yeah, I don't usually show...

I was gonna... I don't think you've seen the part I use those razors for. I think it's where I was heading with that. You use them for your penis. Yes, yes. Those are penis razors for as i think it's where i was heading with that you use them for your penis yes yes those are penis razors have you ever forgotten to take the penis razor off and then use it on your neck or something does that bother you hold on honest real question i know how cleanly i am that wouldn't bother me no i wouldn't why would it buy like i get that there's a stigma but like i'm shaving in the shower. My dick is clean.

It's just like rubbing it on my arm. Yeah, I don't care. If there's some pubic hair stuck in there, I'll... No! What's the big fucking deal? It's your pubic hair. It's your... Yeah, yeah.

That never even occurred to me to not want to use the razor on my dick that I would put anywhere else. I'm just talking about eating pubic hair out of your razor. Well, I mean, I wouldn't eat it. You spit it out after, but if it's stuck in there and you keep rinsing it, rinsing it, but it's just pinched in there, get him out of there. Yeah, but it's impossible to get all the hairs out of

your razor once you've done it. So what I do is I push it backwards along my thigh or something, and that gets most of the hair off of it. But then with the shower head, you blast the water in there and get it all out. That's the method I use. The first time I shaved my genitals when I was like 15 or 16, probably 16.

Nine. You were nine. I was nine years old. I shaved my balls. I was nine, you know, got made fun of. No, I was like maybe like 15 or 16. And it just hadn't occurred to me to do what you're saying, Kyle, which I know is a good move where there's a bunch of hair stuck in there. You run it backwards on your thigh or whatever, and it kind of gets at least some of it out there.

I, for some reason, thought I could just like take my thumb and like wipe it off and it was like thank god it wasn't like one of the one razors that could actually do some damage if i did that and press too hard i had like three or four blades on it and so i like did like like like a couple of quick swipes on it and didn't feel anything and was like god none of this hair is getting out and then like i don't know maybe a half second later when some water hit my thumb it was just like oh oh fuck jesus and then like you could look at and there were just little thin like sheets of blood starting to come down that is such a fear of mine that's such a fear of mine like like like those types of cuts really bother me i would they really sting i hate doing they take a long time to heal

correctly um yeah that's awful i i don't like that story at all i'm the polar opposite the very tip of my thumb off like two years ago like when i say very tip i mean like very very tip but it was enough that like when i messed up cutting like peppers or steak whatever i was cutting up like there was like i saw a little like half crescent of flesh and skin like sitting there on the on the cutting board it was gross and that takes forever to stop bleeding you don't think there's that much blood in your fingers there's quite a bit quite a bit of blood i uh yeah i small cuts are just not on my radar of concern at any given time i usually have a ton of small cuts i don't right now because i just haven't been crashing or breaking shit but uh i've got remnants of them like i could shit like there's

a small cut scar oh yeah there's uh what about the other leg i got one the small cuts car did you not spend a second outside your legs are so pale uh you know this it's the camera really i'm actually tanner than i typically am uh but everything in here i feel washed out um yeah i i don't know they got something put on a real show for us here this. This is almost as iconic as that scene from Jaws. Show feet, Woody. Show feet. You see this shit here, and there's some fresh scabbing at the top. See that there? That's a target shock. At any given moment, I typically have like ten bruises and a bunch of cuts and shit.

I get nicks and shit, but not like... I sit in my house all day, so it's usually sad nicks. It's like I tripped over my couch and I cut my arm. This is a sharp edge from the zip tie. No, I, yeah, I don't know. That stuff doesn't register on me, the little cuts. Oh, I will say, Jamie, when I was a kid and I was too old, this is, I should have known better, but call me like 15, I had a wart on my middle finger right there, on the inside. And it was visible, but it wasn't living or whatever.

So I used to take a razor that I'd find in the bathroom just like shave it flat so that you couldn't see it anymore. Only now as an adult, I'm like somebody else is shaving their face or their genitals or something of with this razor that I use for warp maintenance to whittle down your wart. Yeah. Yeah. Tuesday of the month. Let me yeah get a knife and just kind of

oh gosh yeah for all I know I like gave my parents genital warts or something because I had to handle some thing so that's a word well I mean what if what if I shave my finger and then dad shaves his cock or something? Oh, God. Reconvene? Check up on him? No, but they watch the show. How's your dick doing?

He'll be like, that was you? You mother, stop trusting me. It's like reading braille down there. That's so fucked up. It's like reading braille down there. That's so fucked up. So I'm trying to think of what else. Hurricane coming.

That's a big deal for me. I've declared myself fit to fly out of my yard. I even tried it a few days ago. And the wind was wrong and the grass was wet so I didn't go but now that I'm like excited about flying out of my yard and feel like I'm ready a hurricane came it's making me wait entirely too long I'm late it's like Christmas for me it's not even gonna hit you guys though from the projections it doesn't look like it's gonna get anywhere close to central

North Carolina I agree but in terms of like paramotors a fair weather thing to do so yeah yeah even like if the wind here is even like 12 miles an hour the winds aloft are like 30 and i'm fucking miss gulch and wizard of oz on a bicycle yeah so so that's not where i want to be. And I'll just wait for better weather. All right. Cool. I'm looking at Kyle's dude. Guy's in shape.

He is. I thought that he was wearing a dress at first. It's a tight tank, right? He's with nipples and a chef's hat for some reason. Very detailed. Is this a thing? You guys just have props in your backgrounds? Actually, everyone but me. I didn't even...

Yeah, I just realized that Donald Trump's back there too, along with G-Dub. The two founding fathers. The good G-Dub. Yeah, the good G-Dub. I didn't catch that at first. Yeah, we've got the good G-Dub back there. And then we've got Mr. Orange Face. He's at first. Yeah, we've got the good G-Dub back there.

And then we've got Mr. Orange Face. He's going to be a nice addition up until the election. And then he will probably end up on a target range somewhere. Because I can't imagine having purchased two large cardboard cutouts of one president and one maybe president, at least a nominee,

to just keep. This will wear thin quickly. That's a throwing knife target. Did you say $100? Why do I have that in my head? That was probably exaggerating. I think the Trump one was like $45, $44, and then the George Washington one was like $30-something, maybe. And 95% of that is because you have to ship it in like a flat

so it doesn't get beat up, right? They ship George Washington, to that is because you have to ship it in like a like a flat so it doesn't get beat up right in a giant they ship george washington and if you could have fit some slovakian mail-order bride in the box they said maybe that's what they did yeah it was this big like this girthy and probably like i don't know however big george washington is folded up pretty big like but is, folded up pretty big. But folded up, he's maybe this big. Box was this big, full of paper. I thought they shipped me a bonus Washington at first, so I was just looking around.

It wasn't in there. Dude, I got shipped something today. I opened it up. So I get mail all the time, right? I buy things off Amazon. But if the addressee is Woody's Gamer Tag, it's usually from a fan or something. So here I got two boxes addressed to Woody's Gamer Tag.

And I'm like, all right, I wonder what this is. They're LED Einstein light bulbs. Did you get this too? I don't know. Einstein light bulbs? What is an Einstein light bulb? Does it just say Einstein? You mean Edison bulb?

No, that must be what I mean. I'm sorry. An Edison bulb. The ones that are like a nice low glow. Yeah. And the filaments are, yeah. And the filaments are, yeah. And the filaments are almost decorative. Well, this is like an LED version of that.

Oh. And he sent me like a particular amount. There's like five in one size and one in the other. And I'm like, I'm really perplexed. Like I appreciate, like this shirt, this Alabama shirt is from a fan. And I was like, oh, I need a shirt. It'sed. I appreciate it. This shirt, this Alabama shirt, is from a fan. And I was like, oh, I need a shirt. It's clean. It's new.

Roll Tide. Whatever. Bam! Roll Tide. Whatever. Now I'm a fam of a fan, you know? I'm going to send you a blue shirt. So they sent me like five or six Edison bulbs.

I could go get them and i i'm gonna go get them i'm really curious about all right let's just take a second dude edison bulbs are like the if you want to if you live in an industrial loft or any home and you want some like nice low lighting shit edison bulbs are the way to go they look good like you know they look i love them a lot but you have to have the right setting. Because then they just look... It's just like, what, do you got some fucked up light bulbs hanging in your living room? You ever watch that Drunk History

show? Yes. I love that fucking show. It's a brilliant idea. Just get people who are passionate really fucked up and then make them try and coherently talk. It's just like a great idea. The only time I don't like that show is when you can tell...

Usually they do a very good job of editing it so that it seems, at least, like they're getting progressively drunker as it goes, but every so often you can tell that one of the guys gets, like, way too drunk, or one of the chicks has way too much, and they have, like, in the middle of the story, them being like...

And then Benjamin Franklin, he went and he he you said he said fuck you to washington and like then the next scene is like them pretty much sober saying the next part but yeah other than that it's a great show that's their own fault man all right let's see i exaggerated on the number of light bulbs i didn't mean to i got three of this kind and one of this kind so those are also pretty pricey. There's like $25 a bulb. Really? Why did he send me like $75? Well, they last for a long time.

And they look... Yeah! You gotta plug them in. They're awesome. That's pretty cool. That looks... Not like... It looks almost low-tech, but in a cool way. Exactly. It is low-tech. So what you do is you don't need a lampshade. No, there- are they LED? You- that's not LED.

That's not LED. That's a filament. LED? LED filament. Interesting. What the fuck? What kind of technology is this? I don't know!

What is this shit? This is a technology I don't know about. Go get a fucking- This is some new shit you got. Go get a lamp. Go get a lamp and plug it in. Cause- It's like a weird fusion hybrid that's not... It's like if

hybrid cars was like half... Take off the lampshade. Fuck the lampshade. Because they're supposed to be like raw balls. So it's low power use and everything. But they're getting the filament look. It's like faux filament, I bet. Because traditionally, you know, the filament is like

it's really hot. It's glowing because... I don't think that's... But that's not the case with these LEDs. No, that's what Edison bulbs are, though. They're like low... They're like low-heat filaments. So, like, you know, it's not, like, super bright. But I don't... An LED filament doesn't make sense.

An LED and a filament are two different things, right? All right, all right. Yeah. Picturing a filament of, like, fiber. Of, like, fiber instead of a little bit of watch that it turn it off what Satanist are you Be trying to get a comparison of you know also don't touch the bulb with it your fucking skin oil hurts the bulb Skin oil hurts in that oh that from working at Radio Shack The camera is not really capturing.

It is definitely dimmer. Right. That's still not like an Edison bulb. Like, you should be able to see the individual filaments. You can. You can. I can. You can't.

Although I will say it's dimmer. You can stare at it and not be uncomfortable. It's dimmer than the previous one? I can't. Yeah, I see what the audience is seeing. This is terrible. It's a very interesting fusion of, like, hybrid ideas, like filament, low-tech, LED.

It's like if instead of hybrid cars having, like, part gasoline, part electricity, they just had, like, cars that were hybrids have, like, part gasoline and then also pulled by a horse. Like's like two things that don't help each other but you kind of force them this is what an edison bulb should look like so that looks more edison-y yeah so it's like it's like you you get like five or six of them on a strip and or use it as like a nightstand light and then you just like bask in the glow while you smoke american spirits and drink pdr exactly when you bring somebody back you're like yo you see this light shit lamp that doesn't have a shade like this is watch this shit

doesn't blind you how cool is that still lights the room and then they'll be like why'd you invite me in your house i just wanted to show you my cool ass. Oh! There's not a party here. I don't have a camera with the dynamic range to show this. I can see the filaments. It's a little brighter than perfect. I bet it looks quite a bit like this picture you linked if we were in that room. You know what's cool?

Yeah, you know what's cool? Nixie tubes. Nixie tube clocks are awesome. What's awesome? So they don't make them anymore. These tubes themselves, they don't make. The only ones that are existing currently are the ones that can be used. Yeah.

Why don't they make them? Good question. I think they're cold era. Stupid vacuum tube technology. Yeah, vacuum. He knows. But they're like... I think they look super awesome. Yeah, it's like Fallout technology. It is. I like the retro steampunk kind of look. Yeah.

A lot of clocks. You can get like clocks for, I mean, they're expensive, but you can get like clocks like that for like 200 bucks and I'm like, I'm all about it. Do you ever buy shit on Amazon that gets impulse buy? Yeah. All the time. I love it. Literally just did that

today. You know what? So I bought a tachometer for my paramotor. Do I impulse buy? There's a LifeSides cutout of George Washington and Donald Trump behind me. I bought a Make America Great Again hat. I was working with Kyle before this trying to get it to sit right on one of their heads. It won't. So another waste because I'm not going to wear that outside.

I bought a uh a tachometer for my paramotor and it does two things it gives you the revs which is like an engine diagnosis thing and the total hours which will help you know when to service it um the thing is the paramotor already has like some number of hours on it already like 10 or something i want to fast forward it so i bought let me see what the fuck i bought i forget what it's called oh my god this is such a silly thing you've done do you know what it is you couldn't take it you couldn't take it the numbers were different no so i bought a sine wave generator model and module and it generates triangle and square sine waves

So I'll just run it on this tachometer For like whatever eight hours or something and then it will advance the tack until it's matched up with the accurate Like age of my paramotor so larry us today a sine wave generator Would you buy oh shit? I usually go i usually go into the uh like deals of the day and the lightning deals whatever's like super discounted for that day and i'll scroll through like six or eight pages of that and you know anything that i i could fit into my life or that i could find something to do if i could if i think that i have a drawer that that'll fit in i'll go ahead and buy that.

I was on there a while back, and there were these women's necklaces that were like it was like they took a geode and cut a slice out of it. And then they made that the necklace, and it's got gold around it and a gold chain. And they were so fucking cheap that I just bought a handful.

So I really like Amazon for impulse buys. It's perfect. And then it comes a couple days later. I bought an ironing board. I don't need a new ironing board. I don't need a new ironing board. But it was on sale and it was a Prime. I got a fancy ironing board

for some sort of ironing my clothes. I don't know what else i'd do with it no i don't know maybe sledding you can have some fun sledding with ironing boards if you flip them upside down pull the legs up and then use it like a steerer almost we never really had enough snow to do any uh actual sledding uh maybe once or twice in my lifetime uh but the most fun i've ever had sledding was uh Chiz and I went to Colorado a few months back.

That was so much fun. Getting drug around behind his SUV on that inflatable thing. That was a lot of fun. There was a few times when we got thrown through the air. Close. That would be a lot of fun. Oh, yeah, I can see it. No, that makes sense.

It definitely looks a little bit better now. Yeah, I have no idea. No, that makes sense. It definitely looks a little bit better now. Yeah, I have no idea why I got these light bulbs. Well, it was very nice of someone. It was. Thank you so much. It's like I get Christmas

a bunch. Like, you put your address out there, you get some unpaid pizzas, some SWAT teams, and t-shirts and light bulbs. I need to check my PO box. I haven't checked it in a while.

There could be things waiting. Don't you get concerned that you might get shipped a perishable or something and then there'll just be rotten food in there? I get a lot of perishables. I usually check mine better than I have been lately. I haven't checked in about a month. I've never gotten any perishables.

Perishables on the level of store-bought cookies. Do you guys eat the food? Do you guys eat the food that people send you? I've never been sent any food, and I wouldn't eat it if I were. Unless it's in original packaging. I could do some stuff with original packaging. Look, if I wanted to send you a Twinkie that looked like it hadn't been tampered with,

but it had been tampered with, I could do it. I get it. I'm going to inject some air in there. I'm going to melt it back together. You're going to be eating a Twinkie full of my cum if I want you to. It seems like you could just inject the cum in there. That'll fit in a syringe. Right? Exactly. Syringe.

You inject the Twinkie, but there's that air cushion in the package, right? So we've got to figure out a way to not only add air back to the package, but solder the little hole in the plastic back together. Wow, you're a much better cum injector than I am. Ah, so much practice. Ah, so many people have eaten my cum.

I inject cum all day. I've never done that once. I've never done that. Of course you haven't. That would be on the level of that clown fucked up. We know that you're are totally the same. This is terrible. I'm going to send you something in the P.O. box that sucks.

Maybe. Maybe I'll put a Denver omelet in a manila envelope and send it to you. Oh, god damn. That's the city to the lady in the post office, though, because I'm cheap. So I got the cheapest possible box. Like, whatever the tiny one is. Because what are they gonna do? Turn the mail away? No. They sit it behind the counter for

the rest of it. So I go in there and say, hey, where's my package? I get a little yellow slip, and then they go get me my fucking package. I don't know why anyone pays for anything other than the tiniest, tiny, cheap, cheap PO box. It's like, I don't know what it is. It was so little amount of money that I don't recall it.

What's the best thing you've ever gotten from your PO box? A dead cat. I got a ballistic knife. I got ammunition. Just a whole brick of .30-06 ammunition. And I held onto it for years because I did not

own a.30-06. And then we did a.30-06 video with a.30-06 assault rifle. And I held on to it for years because I did not own a 30 06. And then we did a 30 06 video with like a 30 06 assault rifle. And I was like, that fan's ammo. Let's break it out. I hadn't had it for like four years. So we shot it all up. I've gotten creepy shit, of course.

Are you comfortable saying what the creepiest thing is that you've gotten? Everybody knows what the creepiest thing I've gotten is. Tell them, Tucker. It's a cat head, right? It's a cat head. I remember the first time we ever met was, this was like 2011 too. Yep.

You told this story, I was like, what the fuck? No one would be that weird. I don't remember this very vividly. So the worst part about receiving a cat's severed head in a box was rotten. It was decomposed a good bit. It was gross, and I immediately, we just got rid of it. There wasn't anything else in the box.

There wasn't blood in the box. And I pondered at that for a while, because the question is this. Did they come upon a dead cat and say, hey, there's a dead cat. Let's cut off its head and send that head to Kyle. Or did they say, I'd like to send Kyle a dead cat's head, grab the cat.

I don't know. I don't know if they killed the cat, if the cat was sacrificed so I could receive the head, or if they just came upon a dead cat and it was just happy. Well, I mean, until you opened that box, the cat was both alive and dead. How so? Schrodinger's cat.

Yeah, Schrodinger's cat. There you go. So you killed the cat, in a way, by opening the box and confirming. Holy shit, you're a murderer. But it was dead. Maybe that's what he was trying to get at by sending me the cat, in a way, by opening the box and confirming that it was dead. Maybe that's what he was trying to do by sending me the cat. That's it. If there was no blood, there's no way that he

killed the cat, right? I feel like there would be some... Okay, maybe he drained the cat of its blood. I never understood that thought experiment. The Schrodinger's thought experiment? I'm goingdinger's thought experiment. I'm going to lay it out there in my misunderstood way.

So there's a cat in a box. There's apparently some sort of contraption that kills the cat. But you don't know if that contraption has fired or not. So that cat, according to this fucked up thought experiment, exists in both live and dead state because it's unconfirmed. And then by opening the box now that you've confirmed it you have in effect you know like somehow created that state to happen but yeah i'm like wait that's not how shit works the cat doesn't exist in a live and dead state

you're just finding out what state it had all along. Like, that's, why is this thought experiment so widely respected and understood by everyone but me? I mean, you got the gist of it. I guess a better thought experiment, if you're, like, trying to do a thought experiment, is Theseus' ship. Where it's, like, where it's, you have a ship, right? And you replace a board because the board got broken overseas. So now there's the ship and this new piece of board. All right. So is it still Theseus' ship?

Is it still the original ship? Sure. How many boards gets replaced before the ship is no longer the original ship? Is it the entire ship gets replaced, but the idea of what that ship represents, is that what it is? Or is it the physical, like you have to have one board or five boards or how many you know so it's just like where do you draw the line like that's a better thought experiment for me than than like the the cat is dead or alive until i check because i agree with you it's kind of like the cat is dead or alive we just don't know which one it is until we check i i mean right it's been a long time since i took philosophy but

i like theseus's ship way better i i also like that one better um yeah and the cat yeah i don't know someone is going to come and explain it to me but i doubt they're going to change my mind it just yeah i don't know it's the mountain one's cool too like where does a mountain start you know like where you have you have the plane like does a mountain start at the first bump of incline? Or does it start like above like a normal hill like where is the mountain start and end like where do you draw that line? Like those are all really cool. Fuck. Fuck the cat. Fuck Schrodinger. Not employable thought experience. If you want to go beyond philosophy and Which will mind fuck you in its own way and go to science.

This will mindfuck you is literally the title. This really will. It's a five minute thing. Unfortunately so. This video below shows scientific proof that there is

something not quite logical or scientific about the universe. The mere act of observation can completely change that. We're talking about, yeah. If you observe a particle, it changes from like a wave to... Yeah, I remember looking... I got to refresh, but that's also... That's like a fact, though.

If you don't observe it, it behaves one way. And as soon as you observe it, it changes its behavior. It's different than Schrodinger, but that one's really cool. I think we're all in some sort of... Is it Elon Musk who was saying? Yeah. Is it Elon Musk that was saying that we're all in some sort of a matrix? Not a real universe, but an artificial universe.

What did he call it? I don't know. It sounds like he has cheat codes, and that's why he's a billionaire changing shit motherfucker like i want to go to mars to prove that i'm the one that's worth saving out of all of you idiots like oh okay to answer the question that you're loading up with taylor you're just going to watch that five minute video because every time that i uh do watch not this particular five minute video, but every time I watch Black Science Man or Carl Sagan or someone explain this to me, I can't hang on to it. It's just like the plot of that

time travel movie. Butterfly Effect? Nope. No, I can get that. That's Ashton Kutcher. I got that nailed the fuck down. This is the time travel movie where they build the box in the shipping or in the storage. I don't know that one.

It's on Netflix, but it's a real mindfuck as well. Not just the way the time machine works. I can get that. Primer. But primer. I googled complicated time travel movie. First result. That's some solid googling. i'm so impressed i i'm usually

really good at like understanding time travel movies like there was that ethan hawke movie we watched a while back where he had gone back and like fathered himself and it was very convoluted and complicated but i understood it all i grasped it but with primer it's like even now i'm like well who was the narrator which version was that the guy who's been talking to the camera the whole I understood it all. I grasped it. But with Primer, it's like, even now, I'm like, well, who was the narrator? Which version was that? The guy who's been talking to the camera the whole time, how many times... Is he the original original? Or is he...

You know, I have a hard time with the different timelines, the different existence of the main characters. I've watched that movie like four times. And every so often I'll run across someone who's like, oh, I get it like oh thank God explain it well actually and it always goes down like that I after I watch it I watch the wicket I read the Wikipedia to like explain what I just

saw and I feel like I get it like 90% maybe more but not so much that I could tell you because there's like the 38th iteration or something like that. And then I lose it. I couldn't explain it to someone right now. I guess it's just beyond my personal cognitive horsepower. I can grasp it when explained, when it's all laid out to me and I'm like, oh, got it.

But remembering all of that for more than just tonight, I've learned that there's no reason to keep going back to that piece of information unless I really want to take the effort of memorizing it. You've got to really think about it. My daughter took an IQ test. And I recognize IQ tests, whatever.

But she had a... I guess in an effort to help her choose a career, she took this IQ test, had all these different sections, professionally administered, etc. Low 130s, which I think is pretty strong in the world of iq she's fucking killing it this is awesome i'm a 70 i'm a 70 to 75 woody so that's not true all right so when she when she first won like a couple of first place things i think those were

like smaller competitions right like? Like maybe at a, like competing high schools or maybe even within a high school. And, uh, and I thought that was nice and everything, but you know, you've succeeded in a very small pond. And then like, you know, maybe a couple of weeks later you were like, Oh, look at this. She, she's the one holding the trophies will like in front of her whole group. And, and you're like, those aren't the group's trophies. Those are her trophies. She's the only one with trophies yeah it seems like she's really stepping up the ladder here till like isn't she going to like some sort of state competition potentially yeah so the i guess one coming up soon allows her to qualify for nationals she got like 32nd at nationals last

year and um this year she's aspiring to really you know do some damage there and um i'm gonna fuck up the national debate team you just watch so i'm cautious here's the thing it was like her junior year season and i'm bragging big on hope i'm like you know she's just taking no kicking ass and taking names and like all those poor kids don't have a chance and stuff like that so then they come up to her at the speech competition you know your dad was talking a lot of smack about how we don't have a chance against you and she's like yeah it sounds like dad you know like those don't represent my feelings so now i try not to say things that will have like bad repercussions for her uh driving story aside no

you need to step it up you need to like really lay into them it'll give her fire under her ass she's like if i lose my dad's shit talking for me like so on this iq test like in some areas it was lower her highest was um something that would be like related to speech and debate almost it was like verbal iq or speech processing iq something. And that was in the 150s. And I guess she probably... Oh, the spatial and mechanical stuff like Drug Her scored down. But anyway,

she's just having a lot of personal success lately. That's cool. At the competitions, I'm curious. What's the makeup of the people who do what she does? Yeah, the demographics. Yeah, literally the demographics.

That's what I'm curious about. Is it other girls? Is it a mixed group racially and with sex? I bet it's mostly girls, if I had to guess, right? Because guys are probably doing sports more. By mostly, I mean, like like 65-45 or something. Like there's a lot of guys in it. That doesn't add up. 55-45, I meant to say. Like it's pretty even. And yeah, my IQ is not 130, I guess. So it's maybe a little more girls, but it's pretty even.

And one thing that surprised me was like there really isn't a stereotypical speech and debate kid like you might be out there thinking it's like well-to-do white girl thing um no like it was pretty neat you can everyone's dressed up you know on that day so they have like their suit on or pantsuit or whatever it's also well-to-do asians and blacks yeah no there were like i i feel like everything's an insult now but there were definitely like latino kids and um and so i judged an event they were great like it and rich poor in between didn't seem to make a difference on how good they were at the event uh you know and they just they don't bring something different to it and um i don't know

yeah but i didn't find like a typical speech and debate kit boys girls rich poor in between that's good yeah that's an example of like the kind of thing that they ask like what's like a kind of debate question or topic they'd have to tackle so uh well hope does speech but since you asked about debate typically they have a um like a topic that they'll pitch i don't i think it might change mid-season too, but they'll do it. Second Amendment is one, abortion, like some of the classic things that people always argue about. And they'll just prepare their pros and cons. You have to debate both.

At least my school, you had to debate. They give you a topic and you'd have like X weeks give you a topic, and you'd have, like, X weeks to prepare for it, and you'd have to both pitch the pro and the con. Like, you'd have to do your best to sell it and defend it, or, and dispute it, and, like, you got voted on your aggregate. So, like, you had to, and they would always

choose, like, super controversial shit. So, you had to be, you know, so a lot of people were like, I would never, like, ever say no to abortion, and then you have to go defend it really well or else you fail so like it was really cool to watch that's a great thought exercise that we should be doing in every school across this country is making people argue in favor of a position and then just as vehemently have to try and argue in favor of the other i guess i'm younger than you guys but like that was actually something that and i also went to a liberal school that was a private school, but we had to, um, one of the things that I had to do

was, and they only got, it only works once, but like we had to choose a topic that we were passionate about that was like hot in media and like everybody's using gun control and all that stuff. And then literally after you choose and submit it, the teacher goes, great. You have to argue the other side. And, and that's what you had to submit. And it was just like, oh, fuck! Like, really? I have to argue against, like, gay marriage? Like, what do you mean? So, like, everybody felt awkward about it,

but at the end of the day, like, you know, it's just expanding your ability to understand other people, so. I agree. Just look up what Pence says. But if anything, it forces you to throw away that thought process of these people who disagree with me. They don't disagree because they have different priorities and different perspectives. They disagree because they're evil and they're bad.

We're uneducated. If you have to argue on behalf of them, you suddenly are kind of like, okay, this is why I have a better understanding even if I still disagree. But the only thing like that we did was it was in a religious class and it was not at all genuine like it was like okay we're going to talk about all the different views in the world and all the religions and uh you know taylor argue against richard and you're on team islam and he's on team on team Christianity or whatever and of course it was Christians and so like right the little like pamphlets and books they would give us it was it was laughable to like to get a book 95 pages long and then look at the table of contents and

it says like Islam atheism nihilism all these uh other perspectives and then at the end it's like christianity then it's like it goes through and gives like a lazy little three-page synopsis of why all of these very complicated religions and perspectives are just completely null and void not even from a logic perspective from a you know the biggest reason we know that muslims are wrong is because they don't have jesus and it's like that's not compelling to anyone it says right here in the bible that they're incorrect oh my god dude that was infuriating i thought that i was going crazy in a few religious classes when i was young being like no no no you guys can't use the bible to prove your point this is only the book that you like they might have made some sort of a pact with the demon.

There could be demonic involvement. You might want to seek the services of a trained exorcist. Taylor, I'm very concerned about your soul. In class recently, you've been speaking up a lot against the Lord. Is there something you need to tell me? It's like no no i don't i'm not gonna have to sit with you and talk about this after the class i just raise the hands oh lord jesus save me he passes at your church do they did they ever speak in tongues

at your church uh the churches that i went to growing up, no. I did go with a friend, with my friend Ben, when I was like 9 or 10 years old maybe. And I spent the night at his house. And then the next day was Sunday. And so we went to his church. And to be like 10 and be embarrassed for like a 46-year-old woman is a feeling that you – that's a once-in-a-lifetime feeling. You don't get that feeling visceral gut guilt until you're old enough to kind of have self-awareness but i remember sitting in that pew everybody was singing and doing their thing and this lady like got out in

the middle of the aisle when god lets you speak in tongues he also wants to make sure that everybody around you sees oh look at how virtuous susan is and they just mumble and say nonsense for a couple minutes and i was i was so i was really upset it upset me because it made me think like shit that's weird am i gonna go to hell because god doesn't want to give me tongues or is it like is this made up is this the bullshit and am i right at my church or like is this is my church wrong because people aren't jumping up and you know saying uh super califragilisticexpialidocious dancing around in the aisle yeah and so that's like as a kid that's confusing because you haven't figured out that it's all bullshit yet and so you're like weighing fictitious things against one another trying to make sense of it i am hypocritical

right now and it's confusing to me as an adult i'll explain if i see a church that like wants your money that's always like taking your money we tried to go to a church when hope was young and and they're like oh step one to joining our church is to give us access to your bank account. We'll make a bunch of direct withdrawals on us. Yeah, they'll start tithing on a schedule and whatever. And if your church gets really fucking money hungry, then I'm like, no, this is horseshit. This church is just kind of a thief thing.

On the other hand, if your church is in a strip mall and doesn't have nice facilities, I will also look down on that church. I want you to have a pretty impressive building so I know you're a legit organization that doesn't ask for money. You'd have a flat screen and a lobby and probably a curing machine. Yeah, yeah. I need something gold, some statues. If Jesus isn't hanging from a cross made out of real fucking wood, I don't want no paper mache Jesus.

What the hell is that all about? No, I want a wooden cross made out of railroad ties, or you don't have a real church. But if you ask for money, you don't have a real church. I got really uncomfortable. Go for it, Taylor. No, no, no, you're on. No, I was just saying that I was talking about that pit of guilt.

My mom is super religious, and so I had to go to church every single sunday until i was 18 and like you know i was i would get super excited whenever i had a soccer game on sunday because like uh it was it was christian catholic and so it was a nice church too but my mom did pay the 10 and as soon as i learned that and i was like 14 i was like it kind of like hit me i was like you're paying how much to the church just to fucking go like what's the matter with you woman like they were paying us honestly we get snacks at the end are you paying for all the snacks every every sunday like i mean it and that and like the whole like i appreciate what religion might have instilled upon me in beliefs but the

whole thing like when you go through the our father and everybody's monotonely like praying to jesus at the same time and in the voice i'm looking around like guys i watched a documentary on hitler like this is the same shit like everybody's doing the same shit it creeps me out it's weird catholicism like that was i felt just like going to that really religious whatever the hell kind of church with Ben that day and seeing somebody speak in tongues was weird but the opposite was weird as well to go to like a Catholic church and

see how regimented everything was and how much it was like you kneel now you say this now you do this now and now we're going to do communion the Christian church I went to was more like you know this kind of just symbolizes Jesus' blood and his flesh. The Catholic mass guy

was very intent on making sure that I knew that that bread he was going to put in my hand or in my mouth was a piece of Christ's flesh. He must have said it three times, and that I was going to drink his blood. And then everybody gets in a line, and they walk up to the old man, and he puts the wafer on your tongue, or if

you're like me and don't want an old man hand who just talked 60 tongues you go yeah just give me this i just imagine this really intense guy all red faced in the front of the room everybody all the all the boys are kneeling with the the little cracker on their tongue he hasn't let him eat it yet he's just screaming this is not a metaphor! This is literally his! Literally Christ's flesh. I picture some priest getting a hard-on as, like, rows and rows of eight-year-old boys and girls in their little Catholic school outfits sitting there with their tongue out, like,

put it here, put it here, priesty priesty. And he's just like, oh, so hot. So hot. This is fapping material for me later. What were you saying, Kyle? If the child says, put it here, priesty, priesty, clearly that young... Jesus Christ.

He was asking for it. Okay, sir. Your honor, he was asking for it. I just... Dude, like, I don't know. Something about the put this cracker on my tongue and the cumshot face are pretty much the same.

Can I be honest? I never had to put the cracker on your tongue. It was always the body of Christ and you took it and you put it on your tongue, but the thing that got me was that gross-ass rosé wine mixed with water shit that they would just wipe off on the cup and it's like, you have the flu? Nah, Jesus wiped that off. Like, you're good off like you're good it's like no you're not like i'm gonna get sick

jesus is clean son drink up jesus is helping you with your immune system i mean hey i i haven't gotten sick in a long time maybe jesus really did help me with that or what was your your favorite either through fear or enjoyment bible story that you heard in catholic mass okay all right enjoyment uh i i all right so i um there was a really pretty girl in my in my like age group that was doing um that we had like teen night and was our mass was sundays at 5 p.m because it was cooler than or saturday at 5 cooler than sunday at 8 so like all the teens would go and you had like the hip priest and it was like two hours long 45 minutes of it exactly what you're talking about 45 minutes

of it was sermon was the sermon instead of an hour and then the rest hour and 25 was like bonding experiences and like jesus is cool but like like eat this sandwich but also play bingo with god and it was like cool whatever yeah exactly but like that's what they would do so i so i heard monday the pope is coming and to to baltimore and we all can go obviously because we you know we have tickets for everybody so you can come and have mass with the pope and in my head i hear you get to skip out on school and go hang out with this pretty girl by the way from sunday night from 5 p.m onward we're doing an all-nighter in the church where we're gonna eat and watch movies and and and just hang out and i was like bro i'm gonna get to spend

the night and hang out with this chick like i'm about it so go to go to church that night we have like pizza and it's good we watch uh pay it forward which i'd never seen good movie by the way you know like whatever everybody's kind of going to sleep me and like the group of people including this girl are all like defiantly staying up because we have to leave at 5 a.m by bus to go to washington dc that's fun and i'm like yeah we're like so i had a good time we're on the bus we go to Washington, D.C. That's fun. And I'm like, yeah, we're like, so I had a good time. We're on the bus. We go. I fall asleep during mass because it's about an hour long communion session to fit 20,000 people in the communion. It's in a fucking stadium. And on our way back, I make the mistake like we're all sitting together and the girl's like,

I saw you like fall asleep during mass like what happened i was like i'm just tired and she's like you were just tired and i was like oh yeah you know like i can't believe anybody you know could stay up all night and then go to church and she's like well i didn't i was like well i'm not a jesus freak and she looked at like like i had murdered her cat and i was like well that door just closed i guess i don't have to care about Catholicism anymore. I'm just done with this shit. But you faked it for a while. I did. Well, I mean, it never bothered me. It was just kind of like what you did.

But then at a certain point, I was like, I really want to sleep in on my Sundays. Like, I want to play video games until 2 a.m. and not get up at 6 a.m. Like, please, let me go and have fun. And I got super – my dad never had to go to church if he didn't want to. Maybe a big Carolina football game was on, and I'm i'm like mom i want to watch the football game she's like no you don't get to you know i went to i went to church when i don't know how old i was what like eight nine ten eleven something like that who fucking knows but i just remember like being in that sunday school class and our sunday school teacher for

my age group was in a wheelchair and so that meant that she really had a hard time controlling that group of uh she got wheel over and smack she couldn't so it was just a mad house couldn't learn anything in there and then and then the the services were just i hated it so much and those old guys would stand up and start speaking in tongues they just close their eyes and hands in the air and i shot a ron deck sure run back searches you guys go to and i'm just like and he'd go on like this shouting and and it's not like you know everybody just kept going oh say out his name like no, we're all just looking at this motherfucker as he, like, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, run back. And I'm listening closely, like, maybe there's something to be made of this.

Is there a pattern? Like, is this Latin? Should someone be writing this down? That's what I wanted to say. should someone be writing this down that's what i wanted to say like if if if anyone here doesn't know that this is bullshit right now why the fuck aren't you all writing this down as fast can i say that out of every my dad was a methodist and out of all the like denominations jewish or otherwise that i got to experience throughout my years because like a lot of my friends were jewish went to a lot of bar and bat mitzvahs that was an experience fucking methodists do it right not only is it not wine it's delicious grape juice if you're under the

age of 15 they give you a bag of games and coloring books and shit and you're just sitting there in the pews like playing one of those like movable puzzle pieces and you're you know you don't have to pay attention to Jesus. It's just like, sit here so Dad can pray. And then you go up, and they give you chunks of bread instead of the wafers. They don't short you, you know? Methodists are the one.

Yeah, I was about it. I was like, give me a baguette and some butter. You were saying how you watched a movie, Pay It Forward. I looked it up. That's a real movie. It is. It's got Kevin Spacey in it. Have you never heard of it? No, I haven it up that's a real movie it is got yeah heaven spacey in it have you never heard of it no i haven't but what it was actually a good movie the the funnest

and i put that in quotes for those listening that we watched in my sunday school was left behind do you guys know what left behind is i'm very familiar with the left behind left behind as a series let me set the stage for you so if you actually read the bible i've read it they they really don't there's nothing about a huge rapture of everybody being like slowly like brought up into the skies like disappearing and it's like oh my god you know uh elijah's cloak is just laying there on his favorite donkey and his donkey's without him like where could he have gone that's not really how it says it but that's what this movie says it was and we would watch this movie and it was just a story of a bunch of very stereotypical sinners like their little vignettes

in the beginning and then suddenly out of nowhere there's like a plane everybody's on a plane and this old lady's sitting there and she's like oh, oh, oh, Jesus. She, like, wakes up, and then she looks over to the right, and she goes, Edgar? Edgar? Has anyone seen my husband? Excuse me? And he's asking the flight attendant, have you seen my husband? And then you hear from, like, the front, it's like, where's my baby? Where's my baby? Did somebody take my baby? And it's like everybody starts freaking out because, like, oh, the rapture just happened. Fuck! One of the pilots is oh, the rapture just happened. Fuck.

One of the pilots is like, the main pilot is gone. Like, we don't know where he is. Like, he must have fucking gone to heaven, I guess. Right, because that's what they tell everybody. That's like the first thing. It's like, shit. Because that's what they would, yeah, the first thing they could do is announce. We have no pilot. A couple of Jesus freaks flying this plane.

Both of them are gone. We're going to do our best. You know? Jesus freaks fly in this plane. Both of them are gone. We're going to do our best. You know? And then it's a whole movie of this, like, brigade of people led by a pastor who apparently wasn't a very good pastor because his entire congregation went left

and he was the only one back. And it was basically this big conglomeration of somewhat stereotypically shitty assholes being like, but does God say there's, like like a way for us to make it to heaven now and it's like we don't know about that hand on the shoulder but we just have to do art we just have to do god's will now if you god's will it was like it was like the rapture is made up in the first place and now you're adding stuff to the made-up story about how you can somehow like come back like if you get enough reward points real quick on your Jesus card, he's going to be like, alright, we'll get one more up.

No, that's ridiculous. And so I hated the Left Behind series because afterward, it was not treated as like, that's a good lesson for you guys. Seeing what, just imagining being left alone on Earth to deal with the Antichrist while everybody's in Heaven. They treated it like that was

a future documentary. like that was a future documentary like that was yes like that was a real thing of like you don't want to be left behind taylor do you and it was like no i guess not like i don't know what the people who got taken are doing there were no scenes on that i assume it's fun yeah they went to hell it was ridiculous to have to sit there to be like a 12-old and be watching a movie like that and then have to listen to an adult treat you like this is a fact is at least a little bit damaging because it's like, as a kid, you're like, man, these are all the adults in my life.

I believe them on everything else. Why would I not believe them for this? Like when they tell me, hey, don't touch that. You'll burn yourself. I go, okay, yeah, this guy knows burns. Not going to do that. But religion yeah this guy knows burns not gonna do that but religion burn you kind of followed the same track i went to a billy graham thing because he's like the christian pope do you guys know who billy graham is yeah i know kyle knows who billy graham is what do you do not i know the name i couldn't tell you what he is so he's like the biggest evangelist of all time like he fills

up stadiums or he did the way that like if the green bay packers are playing uh green bay loads up that stadium he did that and i went to one of those big things at the ram stadium and like i don't know i was maybe like 10 and we went with my family and it was to sit there and like listen to him talk and it's really just like he, like, listen to him talk. And it's really just, like, he's, like, a motivational speaker of, like, first 20 minutes, you know, you're all here, and you're Christian, and it's great. Next 20 minutes, like, this is what we need to do to be working on. The next, like, half hour is, like, all of you out there are sinners, and you need to feel bad for what you've done and that kind of thing. And then at the very end, he goes, I want everybody to come down here and, you know, be with me or one of my aides i'm gonna pray and we're all gonna join together and accept jesus christ as our savior and i was maybe 10 11 or so and i saw there were a ton of tv cameras down there

and i was like mom i'd like to go down there and be saved and she was like really taylor you'd like to go do that and in my head i was like worst case, Taylor? You'd like to go do that? And in my head, I was like, worst case scenario is cover this base. If this ends up being real, I'm saved. I could even point to Jesus and be like, you know I was at that Billy Graham thing. And got down there, and we were almost down to the floor level where the field is. There wasn't a field that time. Where the field was and i i felt guilty about it like it was that ingrained to me that what i was doing was wrong that i was like

mom i'm only coming down here because i want to be on tv and i told her that and she like had my hand she's like taylor well i guess we really should be going down there then. And then we kept going down there. And I prayed with a nice usher man, and he made me a Christian, I guess. And so I covered that base. Yeah, that was basically like the Christian pope. Dude, so glad. Talking about religion, so many stories just pop up about the weird nonsense we did. I keep thinking how offended my parents would be by this section of the show because they believe in the rapture.

Mine too. They're all about the rapture. Mine watched the show. Never mind. And they, you know, to them it's a thing that's going to happen during their lifetimes. It could be any day now. And I almost, you know how Christians just just you know not the day or the hour you know how christians just don't like they can't contemplate why somebody would be good if they didn't believe in the bible like right where's

your guiding force what's that all religious people do that yeah i can't contemplate like why they would ever like go on think for the future i don't understand a life style where you're hoping tomorrow is the last day like you know why would you be fiscally responsible why would you like it's the same kind of disconnect when you just like open lots of credit lines lines of credit and just spin spin spin and glut because that's gluttony that's why oh that's why you gotta live frugal i i like it's awkward for me to comprehend a life in which you honestly believe you know last day's coming um so that's the thing the other thing i was thinking about this as i'm going through so jackie's father i feel feel like has trained Jackie to be a good wife for me in a lot

of ways. And, you know, like, so for example, he was always like starting up small businesses and stuff. And now Jackie's tolerant to that. He had a motorcycle, he had a shop where he did metal working and stuff. And then those are all activities that I get away with that say, you know, the peers I know who worked at Cisco wouldn't. Another thing that he burnt in her brain is the good don't have to go. This is in reference to church. So Jackie, her sisters, and her mom, apparently not good. Dad, the good don't have to go. He never really went, and it was just a pressure that I've never really faced

because it's known in my family that the good don't have to go. My dad would not go. known in my family that the good don't have to go my dad would not go it was i i i guess i never i was too young um to really get a sense of how much pressure there was on him from her to go but they're so i'm not real sure um but but i know he didn't want to go i know he didn't like going uh he didn't like any of the things that came along with going um but he he would occasionally go but but mostly it was uh my mother and my uh my sister uh i hated it we were um we were in the hand bell choir uh i don't know if anybody knows what that is but but each you've got these bells and they're all different colors there for different different notes

and And you've got this you this music thing you're reading the music but instead of musical notes you read the colors and and you play a song along with the chart as you read while like Someone points up one of those long pointing sticks at the fucking color You're supposed to be ringing and as as a choir, we rang the bells. It was the lamest thing I have ever been involved with in my entire life. I remember when I got my bell. I didn't know you could play the bell.

Oh, my God. Oh, there was something to playing it. All in the wrist. He could play a bell like a ringing a bell. Like he was beating a drum Your kids there it couldn't figure out the bill Not everybody got a good bill some kids got a bell that didn't really do anything because we didn't trust them They're just shaking a piece of metal up there on stage

Trust them. Oh, my God. They're just shaking a piece of metal up there on stage. Yeah. Go about it. All right. Let me do an ad. All right.

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and you can get a free copy. Mafiagame.com slash painkiller already spelled out. Go there for your free video game. You know you want that. Yes. You'd be a fool not to take them up on this offer. You know, you want to be the one who gets in on this offer before they realize the mistake they made.

Give them so much away. Get in there. Once they figure out that free games hurt sales, you'll be happy you got yours before then. Yes, absolutely. Have you ever won anything, Taylor? Won what? Like a W-O-N.

Have you ever won a challenge? Yeah, I won the Super Bowl betting square thing in 1999 when the Rams won, and I won the Super Bowl square thing in 2013, 2014, whatever it was, when the Seahawks won. So pretty solid for a sport that I don't really watch. And the Seahawks won, I showed up to the party super late, so there were only like three squares left. And so I just bought what was available and I and I ended up winning but um things of value

no no nothing of value I am I won of course the football square thing I told that story a few weeks ago I won a pull-up competition on the boardwalk one time, but the collecting prizes shit was hours later, so I didn't. I won a hermit crab race at one point, which was I worked for a store that sold hermit crabs. Oh, my God. I thought this was a race where you crab walked. You thought this was a race where you race actual hermit crabs versus another. There's also a beauty

contest involved called Miss Crustacean where you would decorate the hermit crab. Bring out the crab girls! No, they're not girls. You glue confetti and streamers and shit like that to the crab shell and then you show it off

as the prettiest crustacean, miscrustacean. But I was involved in the races, and since we sold, like, maybe you, as a peasant, would just enter your crab. Me, as, you know, staff, would have, like, 500 crabs to choose from. And I would pick, like, a really active, spunky crab.

Mid-size. Don't go too big, don't go too small. You want a spunky mid-size crab. And I won that. And I got a trophy for it, which we kept at the store and argued that our crabs were the healthiest on the boardwalk. So glad. The coolest thing I won was a Schwinn. It was a mountain bike. We actually still have it. And it was actually Jackie who won it. It was like this Avion water raffle type thing. And as soon as she brought home like a pretty legit mountain bike,

you know, it's not, a real mountain bike person might not like it, but I thought it was pretty cool. As soon as we brought home like a nice bike, I was like, ha! We won! Jackie's like, what's this we? Like, what do you mean we? And like the seat was always adjusted to my size. I bought toe clips for it so I could take it out in the woods and, like, ride with my friends.

And she's like, toe clips? Like, what is this? Like, baby, it's just not really your bike anymore. This has become my bike. You got those short little legs anyway. anyway I mean come on yeah like I was using it way more than her I don't think I've fucking won anything I've seen people

win stuff my uh like my dad's friends when I was growing up they were all into hunting and uh like archery shooting archery competitions he used to do a lot of that um and uh 3D target shooting and all that stuff and so they would go to these like things called like a buckarama it's like a big outdoor expo

that that's all about hunting mostly in you know hunting supplies you know guns knives all that shit and they're always giving stuff away and having raffles at those things so if you if you're at one for the day you could easily drop 250 300 and be in like a couple dozen of them and every time we'd go to one i'd get a ticket to everything my dad would get a ticket to everything we never won a single thing ever and i mean i've been to 10 of them easily easily 10 of these things and his friends friends, one of his friends won four or five different things. Like, he's known as a lucky

guy. He's always just lucking into things. Maybe it's a perceived thing, but he won a Remington 1100. He won a fucking bass boat one year. He won the whole buck around. Those are huge prizes.

What's a Remington 1100? It's the low-end fucking bass boat one year he won the whole buck huge prizes what's it ready to live in 100 it's the it's the low low end uh semi-automatic 12 gauge uh shock um he was all always winning like a guided hunt to here or there um he won like the biggest buck competition one year like he shot the biggest buck that got shot for a year of everyone who entered into the buck competition one year like he shot the biggest buck that got shot for a year of everyone who entered into the buck a competition uh it was outrageous was it called the buckaroo competition i thought it was buckarama if there was a that's just as good like a fun competition oh i won a sheep riding rodeo competition when i was like nine because if you're a very young child and you go to a rodeo they don't have you ride horses and bulls because that's reckless they

basically get a sheep and they put you on it and you grab the wool and they go hold on and then they hit the spank the sheep and then it runs around for a while and all the people laugh and cheer because you're just a little kid won that you know why because i was because you fucking hit puberty already you were five foot tall you had a beard it's because that's like no at like 10 when i did it i was a pretty big 10 year old and it was not a big sheep for its age it was the same size sheep everybody else had to ride. And I was the only one, I guess, heavy enough that the sheep was more like, Matt, Matt, instead of actually getting pissed.

But yeah, I won that. I literally won a dollar. I went up to the rodeo man in his hat afterward, and he was talking to the crowd with his mic but it was like a shit mic so I was like that's basically what it was worst audio in PKA history

you just witnessed it I can't think of anything else i've won nothing like a bass boat i know i don't even know anybody that's won something like that or like a car or like something major oh a kid on my hockey team we had a tournament like for like the tournaments would go to in like milwaukee or chicago or wherever it was they would always have like big silent raffle things at the rink because there's huge amounts of parents there and it's not like you go hang out at this rink for a couple hours that day it's like okay we have a game at one and then they have another one at four and so we're just going to be here for like seven hours and so there's a big silent raffle and i didn't do it and i didn't win anything because i didn't enter because i was a child. But Joey, a kid on my team,

I don't know how he got access to the sheet that you write down. Because you know how silent raffles work. If you're an adult, you walk over, you write down your name, the amount you're willing to pay for something, and then that's it. He wrote his dad's name in in very high amounts for the top seven or eight best prizes.

That's Dwight Schrute. Dwight Schrute? Oh, That's a way. Dwight. True. Oh yeah. This is like, it's like true to just outbids people. That's basically what he did. And the dad had to like talk to the curator of this silent auction and to be

like, just look at the handwriting. It's clearly done by like 11 year old. I'm not paying for any of these items. Like I'm not, he's like, well, sir,

this is, this is, this is, you ruined the silent auction then this in you've ruined the silent auction then like you've ruined the silent auction that's just too bad i'm not paying for these things that my son wrote in you can just walk out it's not like a contract where you have to pay i'm going to yeah but you're i want a silent auction where like hope's music teacher was going to write us a song or perform a song or something and never followed up on it

Does he still owe me that song? There is no statute of limitations on that. Let's I say on this man right now Okay a Christmas album. He's That's a long time Wait until he's like like on his deathbed and like call him up and be like hey so you still owe us a song like you you need to cash this in at a later time much later i mean how much did that cost you i think it was 80 dollars oh oh fuck this person a lot of bad i think i'm supposed to follow up like i just don't blame him.

I think it's at least a mutual responsibility if not mostly mine. If I owed a music lesson to a man, I'd hunt him down, god damn it. A performance. That was me, a performance. I think we should sit him right here in my chair, get his guitar out,

maybe write some PKA-inspired lyrics and use it again and again maybe that would be fun maybe maybe a fan would like to write something you know like a parody of uh what is it hey i just met you i don't care what the parodies of wow that song is old man that's it's still on my ipod call me maybe. Call me maybe. That's what I was going for.

I don't care what you parody. Parody something. Write some lyrics, and I may just have Hope's music teacher come here and sing. I would prefer you did not. I bet the fans would be very excited about that. It would be a good time. Maybe they would. Leave a comment below.

I'm up for a musical performance. We could write some really horrible, dirty, embarrassing song about premature ejaculation or something and make him sing it. We can't do that! No! You can't do that. No, no, no.

What you have to do... You can't do it that overtly. You can't do it that overtly. You can't do it that overtly. What you have to do is write a song that has a good message, but that is maybe like an anti-Nazi war song or something like that, where it's clearly on the right side of history. You're talking against the Nazis, but there's a lot of Nazi-esque phrasing in there that she has to sing

that makes her uncomfortable. Get your gun, Kyle. Somebody's robbing you. Get your gun. Get it, Kyle. I think there might be. Get your gun. Get it, Kyle. I think there might be a critter living in my closet over there. Nothing that a flamethrower can't fix. I just saw your face and I'm like...

What just fell out of that gun? I thought your clip just fell out. No, something jumped out of that bag. What are you talking about, a clip? It's the revolver. Wait, what the fuck? Something actually jumped out of the... Well, keep your eyes on that.

Will you go take it around real quick? Make sure there's no... Yeah. Just go boot it. Yeah, move your mic so we can see the closet, and then go investigate it. Yeah, I'm just looking out for your own... your own... Oh my god, I hope that something crazy happens. I didn't realize how close that was to him.

Wow, that is really close. Dude, it looked like it was... That looks like it's 10 feet away. But it looks 18 feet away to me. Like, there's a freaking... I thought you had to get up and walk. Yeah, this is like a perspective fuck. Yes!

Leave a comment if you were fucked up. That is a much smaller room than I thought it was. I feel like if he would walk over to that closet, like, that gun is smaller than a real-life gun. Like, the whole thing is like a music video trick. A music video trick. That's what they call it in Hollywood. The classic music video trick. The old MVT, they call it in the business.

That's what you're dead meat. What? Wow, I mean, that's like right there there that's a two-step away closet i'm a drum mag he has on that it wouldn't be kyle if he didn't have a drum mag on it oh my god i think it might be a paintball gun really oh that might be his nice paintball gun is it no that's a drum mag on a real gun. Is that a shotgun? I can't tell. These paintball guns look really good. This is a.308.

It's an AR-10. So this is a 50-round drum magazine for.308. I like hunting deer with that, too. Jesus Christ. Sometimes you need 40 to 50.308s to take down a real tough deer. Holy shit, dude. It has a predator symbol on it. I love it. It winds up.

Those are called followers. They're shaped like bullets and look like bullets, so they follow the bullets and push them along. But as I wind it, you'll see that recedes back in. So that trail of red followers is what's pushing the bullets. And I can keep winding and winding and winding and winding. And that's when you clear it out, right? When it hits the top.

He's making space to load it, right? Yeah, every time you would load your bullet in here, you'd make a little bit of space, put a bullet in, make a little more space, put a bullet in. Do you really have to hand load that? Yeah. You gotta hand load everything. Yeah. There are too many. I'm sorry, Kyle. I shouldn't interrupt you, but

there's not much in shooting that you don't have to hand load. And I don't know many people who shoot a lot who use the gadgets to load. I was gonna say, I just kind of imagined there'd be a thing where you could just push down. I don't know. I don't know what I expect. There is stuff like that. I was gonna say, I just kind of imagined there'd be a thing where you could just, like, push down, like, I don't know. I don't know what I could do.

There is stuff like that. I don't see, like, that was a big, like, disillusioning thing when I got my semi-automatic handgun a little while back. It came with, like, three 17-round magazines, three 16-round magazines, 17, so 16 plus one in the chamber. And, like, you don't realize, like, you have so

much fun, like like shooting 48 times or whatever like bang bang bang bang bang bang and then you're like man that was a blast and you look down and there's just a sea of of casings and you're like well i guess the next 15 20 minutes is me loading all of this back up where you're sitting there everybody else is shooting having fun you're just reminds me of airsoft that's I'm saying. Some people are better at it than others. I'm not particularly good at loading. Brad, you guys maybe see my paramotor friends in the video.

He's in the army, and he loads like it's easy. I don't know. He's got a two-handed like he pre-presses it and squeezes the other one in. I'm like, loading's a pain in the ass. There's a spring that pushes them up and as you get like your 16th round for example in taylor's case that one like you really have

to compress the spring hard it almost hurts your thumb and uh but not to him he loads it like like it's supposed to be easy and i i don't know kyle do you know any guys who shoot a lot who use loading tools to get it in the magazine? I don't know what the tool's called, but there's this thing where it's sort of... It lies flat on the table, and it's got a groove cut in it that's cut in a bit of a semicircle,

and all the bullets are laying in that, and then the magazine gets laid down flat, and you... They all go in at once. Oh, I've seen that. Those are pretty, anything where it's like one bit, one movement, ka-chunk, and the whole mag gets loaded,

those things typically always work. I've got that thing called a mag pump, which is like a hopper on top that you just dump handfuls of bullets and ka-klunk, ka-klunk, ka-klunk, ka-klunk, and it loads them, and while it is faster, it's like, jesus i don't want to get this it's 250 dollars i don't want to get this whole machine out every time i want to shoot to be honest when we shoot like i got somebody else that loads the magazines for me i'm paying for the amu i'm paying for the end like if

we're shooting for fun especially like if i'm shooting for fun then i i don't want to go shoot by myself i need somebody to see the cool things that i do or it's like they didn't happen um so like you know i i can tell you guys that i've shot blades of grass into on purpose with a 22 pistol live for the fun of it but you don't believe me necessarily unless you see it and if you see it you're like you shot a fucking blade of glass grass into twice he just kept cutting it shorter and shorter and uh i got a lot of work for you here at the yard yeah it's a very expensive mo so i usually get uh somebody to come like jeremy will be there he's like oh i want to come shoot and i'm like you got any ammo no but i got I got my pistol. And that means that Jeremy gets

to load the magazines when we shoot. Because ammo's... It kind of reminds me of a social aspect. You get done the fun part, and then you all sit down at the table and you talk shit, you shoot the shit for 15 minutes, like eating crabs. I was literally about to say that. That's how I think of it when I'm out with friends,

like in a field or something shooting. I don't want it to be some intense untouchables or expendables, whatever that movie is. Like, you know, like, mowing through targets. Like, part of the fun is, like, that loading process of taking your time, like, having a beer with them and just, like, kind of shooting the shit about your past shooting tale. Great idea. No, responsible drinking and shooting. Just like, you know, you can get in the car and drive after two beers maximum

I might be extreme on that regard I don't drink and shoot at all I don't drink and drive at all I don't drink and fly at all I don't do any of those things either although drinking and flying I will get drunk as fuck and fly on an airplane I'm not piloting.

I like to get it... Sometimes I'll have a couple of stiff drinks before I get on the plane. So that I'm... That whole stressful time, during boarding, finding a place for your bag, figuring out who your seatmate is, sitting there in the heat,

because they just got fans, not air conditioning at first when you're sitting on the tarmac. If you're drunk, that's real nuts. I was talking about the paramotor when I said that. We know. Of course you are. Right, right. That makes more sense. I saw something cool, Woody.

It's how to make apple pie moonshine. Or at least apple pie moonshine. Yes! So it would taste the same, and i think it would get the job done you uh it's just it's this whole recipe where you take everclear and uh mix it with they had the quantities to use it's like this many cinnamon sticks this much apple cider this much apple juice so you know it's like a gallon of apple juice a quart of uh or a gallon of apple cider a quart of apple juice um 750 milliliters of everclear which is really strong liquor um

clear liquor that doesn't have any taste like cooking involved or just sitting yes you put it on the stove i think and it gets heated up on the stove for some period of time with like cinnamon sticks in there and then you put it into jars and you and the longer you let it sit the more the alcohol taste leaves it and the more the sugars take over i think there's there's i i think there may be like a cup of white sugar and maybe brown sugar in there too like there's a lot of youtube video or like a web page i found a rest i'll get it right now i should have done that to start with but it's um does that my favorite there's this place called baby blues barbecue my favorite barbecue place in la they have uh their own bottled moonshine and they do

it's apple pie, blueberry and hazelnut no hazelnut apple pie moonshine I shit you not like I went to college in Wilmington so like every time I hear everclear and moonshine I think jet fuel like that's what it is

bartender gives it to me for free says like nobody ever gets this i try it it smells like apple pie it goes like i could sip on this no problem it's amazing i've taken 15 20 people there to this place just to try it people who don't drink alcohol like this is so good this is dangerous shit it is so tasty it is funny you said it because I've said these same things before and it tastes so good. You could down it like a glass of apple juice. It's it's but it's it's strong. I've been told that it's not as strong as I'm giving it credit for. It's like 40 proof or something. And here in my head, it's like 85. But just the same. 40 proof is legit, and you can drink a beer amount even though it's like five beers and making up numbers.

And before you know it, you're like five beers in, and this is for a non-drinker. That's a lot. Five beers in like five minutes, and you're a whole new you. So you got to – That's the most complimentary way I've ever heard that described. You're a whole new you. So you gotta... That's the most complimentary way I've ever heard that described. You're a whole new you. So I went and... I went and got the ingredients together today.

And I'm gonna make a batch. Now, my thought process is this. Perhaps we could all make... I could make some and I could send it to you guys. So we would just all have a quart of it. Or you guys could take it upon yourselves to make it. But I guess what I should do is just make it and send it to you guys so we would just all have a quart of it um or you guys could take it upon yourselves to make it but i guess what i should do is just make it and send it to you guys since i'm gonna be making it anyway i can get it it's hard i i i we do shipping here

i've got all kinds of boxes and packaging options so i could just like shipping alcohol but i'm not gonna tell anybody like like what's gonna it's apple juice homemade apple juice what are they gonna do to me? I don't care. Unless I find out that that's an actual crime. Let me just preface and say that first. If it's a real crime, I won't do that. My expectation is that we all make our own.

I think you guys should all make your own and compare it. Yes, that's what we'll do. Surprisingly, they'll be very similar, I suspect. I think Mr. Gamertag needs to get one of these, and we need to play some drinking games with our apple pie moonshine. As long as it tastes good, I think it's going to taste real good. I'll tell you what, Kyle.

Here's the deal I will make with you. The day you confirmed that you've made this stuff, which I bet isn't long from now, I will order that. I will have a picture of it tomorrow. You'll be able to see the cauldron of bubbling alcohol and sugar. How long are you going to let it set?

Like a week? Whatever that says. Well, you'll get it when you get it. I'm going to make it tomorrow. You've got a week until PKA, so I'll make it, bottle it, ship it as soon as possible, and then... Wait a week till PKA, so I'll make it bottle it Ship it as soon as possible and then wait a week. Well. Yeah, we'll Crack it open and try it on PKA this literally says store in the refrigerator Just wait at least a week because it's right and then and then if it's still too strong You just add a little bit more apple juice in there, and you're fine

I'm probably gonna make it a little weaker than that says you know I and maybe a pussy fine. I'm probably going to make it a little weaker than that says, you know, and maybe... Don't be a pussy. I'm just... You're making moonshine. We're not trying to make like a Sunday brunch meal. We want the kind of moonshine that you can sip on responsibly all day. It's a four hour show, god damn it.

You're right. We need to be able to drink... It needs to be the case that if we drink this whole mason jar, nobody's going to shit themselves and be a fool. Actually, if we drink this whole mason jar, nobody's going to shit themselves and be a fool. Actually, if you drink the whole mason jar, you will end up being a fool, I guess. Let me do another ad read here now that we've secured that as a potential thing. Because I think it's going to be a lot of fun.

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I gotta come up with some fun drinking games, or at least maybe like... I don't know how to do it. I think that the idea of drinking the moonshine and doing the breathalyzer is an interesting enough thing to kind of stand on its, on its own,

but it might be fun if we had some sort of, uh, like if I, like if we got a small game to kickstart the, the, the start of the show that got us a little advanced into the drinking right off the bat. Maybe we played like a 10 minute game where every time you lose,

you, you take a shot of this stuff or whatever. And, and you know, we get three or four or five shots in, you take a shot of this stuff or whatever. And, you know, we get three or four or five shots in, you know, right away. That's, yeah, that's how you, drinking games, it's commonly mistaken.

It's not a longevity thing. It's to get you into the good zone. You don't drinking game until you're blacked out because then you're going to die. You drinking game until you're comfortable to just cruise. So you got to do like, I don't know, like you guys just come up with a trivia. Yeah, trivia would be good. But they also like, you can't expect

a full four-hour show perhaps if we decide to go ham with moonshine. You might have to deal with a fucking two-hour show because yes. Be prepared for a two-hour show potentially. People will love it, dude. two-hour show because yes get drunk be prepared for a two-hour show potentially three hours

i think it should be a four-hour show and the last two hours is just me sleeping on the carpet it's just woody sleeping on the carpet every half hour you go i don't know if am i faking this my face is hot it's it's woody asleep on the floor me me just laughing and vomiting and taylor just going on a rant a rant about lefty who's not even here you know what i could do your job 10 times better fucking fake fabrication of a man you're all asleep and I'm screaming to no one about nothing. I wonder how he's doing now, Lefty. He's going to be on the show for episode 300.

That is in the past and it didn't happen. Oh. 400. 400 maybe. I think that Chiz and Lefty talked about him being on the show for a while and he like us I feel has gotten kind of past all the

negative emotions but he didn't want to be re-exposed to the lovely devoted and kind fans that make up our PKA audience they are a bunch of trolls I couldn't hear you say that again so are we on 303 303 okay well i wasn't far off all right yeah so uh um but yeah

like so some people are like hey look he did this ad for the ufc or he did this ad for dell clearly he's gotten rich and famous but i look at it and i'm like i don't even know what that for all i know that was For all I know, that was a $500 gig, and that's two ads we've talked about in the last year. He's got a great voice. He does. I heard he got an animated gig. I don't know which one

or what is that. Do you guys want to fill me in on this? So he transitioned into big boy stuff? So he left PKA and it wasn't a as nice smooth like happy break right that i understand i'm just saying where where did he after that he gave youtube a shot for a while and it didn't really work out and you know whatever i remember that so then he went into

voice acting which is the part of him you don't know and uh he's done a couple commercials and you know it's funny because you're like i don't it's lefty it's his voice you know his voice he's not like doing crazy accents or anything it's the lefty that i've heard for hundreds of hours and but he's like selling dell or ufc events or something like that and um it's you guys have a link? We don't need to go over that. I could link you, Tucker, I could give you one, but sometimes when we put it on the show, all of a sudden everyone's talking about rape in the comments and stuff, and we're trying not to do that

to them. Clearly bring it up, nobody will ever talk about it. Oh, I forgot, the racist lefty thing. Yeah, yeah. They'll blast the youtube video calling him racist which to us we all know is a joke but to a potential employer or something that could be damning understand yeah yeah so no this lefty stuff at all yes kyle i was like yeah i'm sure bringing this up nobody will ever take this so i was just curious

about like about how legitimate like is this are these print or online only media are these television because you guys said like 500 bucks i was like i thought i saw a pokemon commercial or something where he was talking or did something like that right yeah he did do a pokemon commercial that's sag shit guys like that's big money that's you have to be part of the screen actors guild to do stuff on tv like that that's like we're and we're talking i mean we're talking like five ten grand for that i don't i don't think so very surprised i did i did a tv commercial with robert downey jr one time and they pay me very little money really yeah yeah i got a commercial it's just gave them a free copy of the game yeah if I recall. Yeah, they got minimum amounts of money they can pay.

And they just pay that amount. But the minimum isn't anything. You've got to think about it. The minimum applies to such low-tier people that's in that stuff. If the minimum was $10,000, in baseball, if you're the lowest-paid player, you're still making a living. But if you're the lowest-paid actor on a SAG project, you better hope you got two or three or four jobs this week,

which is what they do. No, they do. You're right. I just kind of – but it's also not like, hey, we'll PayPal you at the end of this deal. It's like, yeah, sign these forms. Make sure you're a part of this. So it's like – I mean, that's big boy stuff to an extent. Yeah, yeah.

He's definitely getting cool opportunities. Interesting. I had no idea. Yeah. Hope it works out for him. Yeah, yeah, he's definitely getting cool opportunities. Interesting. I had no idea. Yeah, hope it works out for him. Yeah, yeah. Good on him. But, like, I'm so ignorant on the industry that I don't really have any insight into

whether, like, he's at the ground stage of something great or not. Probably not. I don't really know. Probably not. Are you having a Moscow mule right now, Tucker? No, I was doing shots of vodka out of my copper cup. I've got my Tito's right here.

Oh, that's the best vodka. I was exposed to that vodka in like 2009 or something like that. Do they make it in Texas? Yeah, they do. Austin, Texas. Yeah, that is the best vodka that there is. It's handcrafted vodka. I remember having it

way back when and being like, I don't like vodka. I don't want your vodka drink. Paul, who does CPX, he was like, Tito's vodka. He ordered it his special way with olives with blue cheese olives in it.

And I just remember it was so fucking good. I was like, yeah, I could drink this. It's gluten-free. So if you're health conscientious, it's gluten-free vodka. It's practically good for you. Yeah. Yeah. It's basically water.

No, it is really good American vodka. Yeah. I'm a fan of that. That's the only vodka I like. I like that. Actually, there's this Ukrainian vodka called Nimirov vodka. It's pretty tasty, too. They do this, like, honey pepper vodka that's actually really good.

It's Russian vodka now. Yeah. Ha-ha! Hey! Yeah. I only drink vodka, so. Ah, the Crimea joke. Yeah, I'm all about it, dude.

Yeah, I wouldn't say that i like what nothing i'm just fucking you wouldn't say you like what i was saying i wouldn't say like i really like any kind of vodka because i feel like i'm like there's are there are kinds of scotch and whiskey that are like bourbon i guess that like i can sip and i'm like okay i genuinely like this like there's and it's like one of them's like super not expensive at all it's like the green jim beam like jim beam choice it's like 16 bucks for a fifth of it and i think it tastes cheaper is it no it's not it's the same price as the regular jim beam and i think it tastes way better than jack daniels which is like 10 bucks more eight bucks more something but like i can have a sip of that and be like okay that's not that's not bad i kind of like that flavor like the heat the feeling like it's got flavor to it but vodka it's just like

immediately you get that nose sensation like you're at a hospital vodka like you drink whiskey though i mean people do and they're fucked up well whoever does that but like i i wish that i could like bourbon or like, or dark liquors. I can't, I don't know what it is. Just like the smell and the sweetness and just the, I just, I need it to be rubbing alcohol. Do you like cognac?

Do you like a brand Marnier or anything like that? I've had, I've had it. And it's like, I can drink it. If you give me a cup and you're like, this is for you. Cheers.

I'll be like, okay, I will choke this down, but it's like not my thing. I don't know. I like, I was too old for that. I remember the first time I met Kyle, okay, I will choke this down. But it's like not my thing. I don't know. I was too old for that. I remember the first time I met Kyle, he bought me a Maker's Mark. And he's like he got a Maker's Mark for him and a Maker's Mark for me.

And I think he was buying like kind of a manly drink. We had just met in real life. He was trying to upman you. That's not true. The back story of that, just had hung out with Paul again. Paul is a drinker, in case you didn't know. And that's another one of Paul's drinks. That is a Maker's Mark Manhattan with extra cherries.

Okay. It's totally not a Woody drink. And he gave it to me. I may have gotten as far as smelling it. And I'm just like, what is that? That's the amount you drink. It just hits you, right? And I'm just like, what is that? That's the amount you drink. I'm the same way. It just hits you, right?

You're like, you either like it or you don't. Like, I was. You know, this is a really funny story because, Tucker, you were just on the other side of the room when all this was going. Oh, this was all during PAX East. Yeah, yeah. I remember doing this. I remember Woody awkwardly standing and being like, I'm gonna go talk to Kyle now. It was...

I just remember him being like, this isn't gonna work for me, and me thinking to myself, well, now I have to drink both of them. Good luck. And I think I did. I think I drank both of them. I thought you liked it. It was like this... They were like this big. You know, it was a glass about that big around

and about that tall. I'm gonna to guess each one of them was 12 ounces seems like too much. Maybe 10? It was not. No, no, no. They were like six ounces, but they were in a highball glass. Yeah. We go back to that bar. I did some other things later on that night I regretted. You know what you need to do?

That Taylor ran out on the ice rink and got screamed at by- Yeah! Wait, we were all and got screamed at that night it was the same night that i ran onto the ice and the the zamboni guy got way more upset with me than i thought he was going to i thought that like i was gonna run out on the ice and it was a big group of us and i think kyle may have just said hey murica go run onto the ice and i was like i'm all right and so i i just hopped it and ran onto the ice. And this dude across the way, I thought he'd be like, hey, get out of here, you kids.

But he was like, hey, off the ice, off the ice, you, you. And I had to, like, run back. I almost fell. And I still remember this. I almost fell into it because I slipped. It was ice. And Kyle caught me. And you later

emptied that part of my emotional bank account with you when I got into a cart at a Walmart and you sprinted with me in it because I once again, I don't know what I thought when you said get in this cart, but I did and you sprinted at

the curb. You were very open to my suggestions. I was. I just wanted a good time. Bad decisions make for good stories. You sprinted at the curb and flipped me up into the fucking median there. I didn't think you were going to do it because I was honestly like, I don't know this guy well enough that he would do this to me. He's going to stop. And then when we got about four inches from it going eight miles an hour, I was like, he's not going to stop. And then when we got about four inches from it going eight miles

an hour, I was like, he's not going to stop. I'm flipping right into this medium. I was going as fast as I could. Pushing 200 pounds of merca and 225 of me. It was fucking hauling ass. That was a wreck. And then we got kicked out of Walmart

for noodle fighting. We got kicked out of Walmart for noodle fighting. Yeah. kicked out of Walmart for noodle fighting. Yeah, we've had some good fun. You guys are missing the critical part that happened right before this with Only Use Me Blade picking up a girl who was in the park at midnight with her baby stroller. And do you not remember this? The woman runs over to Blade, and he invites her back to the hotel room that we were all staying at with Try Hard.

He was like, yeah, come on over back to the hotel room that we were all staying at with Tryhard. He was like, yeah, come on over back to my hotel room. She's got her friend in a baby carriage. And she's like, yeah, I want to have a good time. And he's like, yeah, yeah, come on back. I'm like 17. And everybody else is just young. And Blade

was hellbent on bringing this girl back to Tryhard's hotel room. That was a wondrous night. The two people I think of in the YouTube scene who have game are OnlyUseMeBlade and GoldGlove. Both of those guys. Wait, you think Goldie has game more than Fwizz? Well, probably.

Most of my interactions with Fwizz, he was with i justine at the time yeah that's i mean that's sort of off the market although that is a testament to his game i'll give you that i haven't seen it in action goldie like i've seen him in action and nothing like bad or embarrassing or anything just like i don't know he's got like this mannerism and style and like acceptance and like he pays attention to a girl in a way that makes her flatter that he's paying attention to her. He makes him feel special. He does that with me, too. There's a reason I'm still friends with him. He makes me feel like a pretty lady.

Oh, this conversation is so lame right now. It's not. No, I'm having fun. He really makes a girl feel like she's appreciated. Brennan has game, man. That's the key to a quick relationship where you fuck him in the ass. You want to pay attention to her thoughts and feelings. I lived with him for three years. My boy brought home some females.

He has some game. He does. Yeah. Dude, I saw his game on – where did I see it? One of the times I saw it in action was on a live stream like keemstar tried to throw this big party and like a bunch of youtubers came oh no no no time out on this one bro okay this was pax east three years ago could be it was all right keemstar and dylan the minecraft yes uh, yep. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They rented a mansion in bumfuck Boston. And by they, Dylan paid for everything. You are correct. In bumfuck Boston. I mean, it was a $100 cab to get from our hotel. And it was like me and Brandon and a bunch of other people. We went out. Faze Temper and a bunch of other people came out. And they had a pool in there. there obviously it was just nice and enjoyable they fucking decided let's live

stream this there's like a 12 year old that's here that like paid for it all and a bunch of people taking their shirts off let's stream this on twitch brennan single man brennan drunk off his ass sitting on the on the counter one of the girls that like Faze Temper brought was pretty cute so she keeps talking about her nipple piercings and shit and he goes oh you don't really have nipple piercings like show me classic move fucking back up two steps behind the camera shirt off and his face is just like

oh! oh she does this is like live on Twitch though and it's like to like a 2,000 viewers! They got banned shortly after. But wait, she was off camera, right? She... to my knowledge? Can't attest to it because I was in the room but I wasn't looking at the livestream camera feed. Right. That was a liability. That whole night was a liability. I saw him talking to girls and just...

I can't do it! I can't imitate it, I can't teach it, but't imitate it i can't teach it but i can identify it he had it yeah and he's just like i don't know everything is not too much not too little and uh and i could see the girl eating it up a hundred percent he's got game it's so funny you brought that up uh he ended up throwing up on the uh, which is great because as we left early that morning, I got a text from Dylan the next day. And it was like, so the person we're renting it from was really concerned we're throwing parties. And I was like, ha-ha, who would have thought? Came over, saw the throw up all over the stairs and freaked out and kicked him out. And I was like, who could have done that?

Not a clue, guys. Sorry, I can like who could have done that not a clue guys you guys rented a mansion did you think you were going to have a book club yeah like of course you're going to have a part my favorite part is the fact that it was Keemstar, Blade and Dylan so it was like are you their are you his guardian it's like no he's paying for it by

the way it's like what kind of shit are you guys it's like a richy rich experience or something where like there's some adults hanging around a kid with a lot of money and like, what kind of shit are you guys getting into? It's like a Richie Rich experience or something, where, like, there's some adults hanging around a kid with a lot of money, and they're just kind of like... Very odd. That was a fun night, though. I thoroughly enjoyed that experience. Real quick, back to, like,

this is just, like, an interjecting thing. You said you hated the dark alcohols. Try DeSorono. I hate DeSorono. Alright, well, fuck me. I really like it. I had an experience with DeSorono. It's not like 80 proof. It's only like 40 proof or something. No, it's not bad.

But it was the spring break for my freshman year of college. And we had just gotten really fucked up. And I guess I was the first to pass out because I woke up with a bottle of DeSorono pressed to my lips. And my friend tilting my head up. So I woke up as they were pouring it into my unconscious mouth. And I was like, you guys, this is so dangerous. But, like, I had already swallowed a gulp because I was like, oh, water. Right?

Gulp, gulp, spit it all over the place. And they're like, ha-ha, he drank it. You can't drink DeSerona ever. I feel like I'm learning about your college experience. My one year of college experience? There was a little more. Didn't you do some night school or something after? Yeah, when I moved to California, I went to University of Santa Monica.

I actually was going there when they got school shooting, and that was weird. But I dropped out after a couple classes because it was just... Did you finish those courses or just like. I did finish them. It was like I realized what a joke online courses were because I was able to take. I took three in-person courses and one online course and I accidentally and it's not like I'm so smart. Like I accidentally completed the final three weeks before the final was was even announced like they basically had the whole you're supposed to go week by week and i was just like i'm gonna catch up so i don't

have to worry worry about it for a month right and i submitted my final final paper and my professor was like and it was also it's media and it was like uh interview somebody that's important in new media so i interviewed trevor who i was not supposed to have contact with i was like yo t martin tell me about youtube wrote it myself he's like yo you got you got three weeks to revise this was like cool forgot about it got like a 92 on that paper but it was like oh like online classes really are not like real college i've had some online classes that were fucking brutal really yeah awfully hard and i think i'm like dude i would have loved to have had like the in-person experience where i could

explain to the professor what i don't understand where i'm lost ask a question i'm watching like videos of him teaching to the class so we're just like a week after the real life people and uh and yes like he'd teach them and then i'd watch him teach them and we'd take the same tests and shit but without the benefit like i guess supposedly i'm supposed to be able to call the professor and like write them or whatever it's not that way but yeah i just never felt like that was an option i had so i would supplement watching the courses with all kinds of like outside googling and learning and reading books and shit so i could keep up and uh yeah i it was hard for me no i mean i i mean i take take

into account that it was santa monica community college it was not like uh like penn state or like a reputable i mean santa monica community college is the the number one transfer school whatever still community college still very much like i'm not a i'm not a genius but like i'm not an idiot and now it was not an effort to get an a in any of those courses so i i don't think that it was i mean there's definitely online courses that are tough i just did not experience that it was very easy and i wish i was like i wish i had discovered this earlier i would never go to class you know i'd like to see how kyle would do in college as a 30 year old suave you know got plenty of plenty of resources and i think i'd be worried about fucking the girls ah no i could do that anyway right like like like i don't feel like i

need to actually be in any classes to like go through this scenario you're talking about here right no no you don't have to i'm just saying that having you in that position would be funny to me to see kyle being like man i've got a big spanish exam coming up but i'm just you know i also have a big video i gotta make so flamethrowers are Spanish. I'm going to do the flamethrowers. We'll deal with Spanish. At least once a month still, I wake up and think that I did not prepare for a test or something. And it happens. It's not just I wake up and then I'm like, oh, thank God.

The fact that all four of us have that, and for me it's from high school, obviously. But the fact that all four of us have these nightmares to this day as grown-ass men proves that there's something about the way our educational system is set up that is bad for us as animals and it has scarred us it has scarred our brains in a way where we are filled with this dread this fear this heart racing adrenaline rush you're in shit you're going to be judged you've failed game over bro kind of fear mine mine is that i didn't even know i was enrolled in that class mine is that like it was this scenario my senior year where i'm making this up because i don't remember but let's you know i need four credits to graduate that means i can skip a class this semester and in dream, what has happened is the class I thought I was skipping,

I thought I was skipping shop or something and just, yeah, fuck it, fail shop. But no, it's like Algebra 2 or something that I need. And now it's the end of the year. It's finals day. And I'm coming in to this Algebra 2 class that I've never stepped foot in before. And everybody's getting get their notes together everybody's like shuffling like thick wads of paper together that they've put together for this big project and i'm just like i don't even know what to do right now should i just walk outside and just pretend like i'm not here should i talk to the teacher should i like

beat up a kid and like take his stuff like what do i do now because in that scenario i've failed high school gotta come back next year that's the that's the thing that's, you know, being – that's the end all. It's horrible. I'm in college. It's English. It's midway through the term. And I realized I had been like skipping this class the whole time because I like didn't realize it was that day or something. Like I don't know exactly why. But I didn't mean to skip it. I i wasn't being slack or anything i just fucked up my schedule and never attended it and uh and i i realized like halfway two-thirds of the semester how much back work i have to do and it's i'm just swimming in stress and work and drowning in it i i'm 43 and i have like ptsd from my learning days it i think that's what i hate it with math because like the one i have i don't figure it out immediately i i believe that i'm

late that i'm like not doing what i'm supposed to do for school up until i'm like getting the shampoo out in the shower like kind of coming to but it's never like a specific class it's always that there is a math class that i don't even know what kind it is so like for the first like like walking into the bathroom it's like oh my god i'm so fucked like what is it geometry trigonometry calc what am i what class am i in what class and then usually like when i start to smell the old spice it's like oh oh you're 25 you're not in school. It's okay. Like, it's not a big deal. But I did that for real in college once where I went. I had a finance, an upper-level finance course one of my later years in college. And I had taken finance before, and I was like, okay, this isn't going to be that bad.

Like, I can handle this. I can just read the book and figure it out on my own or Google, but I don't know. So it's okay. And so I went to the first class, class got the syllabus really just looked briefly to see like how much percentage the exams make up which is like okay yeah if i do good on these exams it's fine didn't think about it didn't go back to the class until the first test and went back took the test didn't do as well as i would have done if i had i don't know gone to fucking class and done the work that i was supposed to but i took the test went back skipped every other class up until the second test second of

the third test most of the semester is gone by the second test and i walk in and i sit down and i was talking to this girl next to me and somehow the topic of attendance came up where i was like how are you feeling about this exam she's like oh not that good thank god i have all the attendance points and i was like the what she was like you know the attendance points it's like 10 15 of our grade or something i was like well when is when is he taking these attendance points like does he hand around a sheet she's like well like once every three or four days he hands around a sheet and you write your name and then you get a point and if you don't you get a point docked if you don't, you get a point docked. And I was just I had like a minor panic before this test of like, should I?

What the fuck am I going to do? I pretty much if I get 100 percent in this class, I'm going to walk out of here like an 82, like because there's no way. And so I basically had to buckle down from that point and do exceedingly well on the third exam and the final. And even that got me is one of my worst grades in college i think i got like a c c plus and it was oh my god that i guess i remember my face is getting hot remembering sitting in that class and hearing her say thank god for my attendance points and just feeling that's like that like freeze frame where it's like record scratch freeze frame you're probably wondering how i got here like that oh my god my it was horrible i know kyle you're raising your hand to get in

i was wanting to talk about his uh his hurricane video of Floridians being washed away. Oh my god. This is like, I clicked on this going, oh yeah, sure. No, click on this shit and let's watch it together. This is crazy. I'm cute as zero. I'm opening it up. You don't need sound.

Just observe the idiocy. I have a feeling the Florida man subreddit is going to have a field day. Ready, set, play. Alright, so this is storm surges in Florida, and I see this car, and you're like, wow, what is this idiot driving, right? Oh, boy, here

comes a big wave. No, it just gets way worse. Oh, man. Look at the car. The car moves. It turns it. Look at the car. The car moves. It turns it. And then the car is totally perpendicular to where it was a second ago. Right? And then that's secondary.

Those waves are going to hit each other. There's a splash coming. No, I mean, these are like way. He turned around. Tried to go back. Yeah, and then the car got washed off the road. Like, it's now on the. Like.

In the median, I guess. Whatever's over there. He made a terrible decision driving on that road. Like, it's now on the, like... In the median, I guess. Whatever's over there. He made a terrible decision driving on that road. Driving on the road that borders the ocean! In a hurricane! He's still in that car! He's not getting out anytime soon, right? Can you imagine being this person? You're just like, not only do I have to abandon

my vehicle, but, like, I'm legitimately could be fucked. Yeah. Like, I could die. Is he out of the car? No, I mean, it ends in, like, you don't see. I feel like right at the end, I thought, what if he gets sucked out to the ocean? That guy could be dead.

That's Darwinian, or Darwin Awards. I swear to God, I think it's true. I could flat out go swimming in that ocean right now. I'd be fine. You have, no. You be fine. You have... No. You could survive. You are vastly overestimating your swimming skills.

I genuinely don't think so. I give you three seconds of success followed by 30 seconds of blind panic as you drown. What are we... Are we talking about your ability to survive getting washed ashore and then brought back? He's talking about if he were in that car, he could go out the sunroof,

laugh a few times, and then just run. You see when the two waves hit each other? That's nothing. He would be running on the hood of the car, jumping into the car. Category 4, I've been there before.

There's only one thing worse. A Category 5. It've been there before. Well, Category 4. There's only one thing worse. A Category 5. Right? It's 6th Street. That situation would happen all the time. Now, this is a bigger one. But the waves would come in. There was an L-shaped jetty, so it went straight sideways.

And ocean people know exactly what I'm talking about. The waves would sweep up against it, and then there'd be a wave that went back the other way. And we would play in there, and it would splash up like 30 feet. Now, granted, this is a bigger example of the other way. And we would play in there, and it would splash up like 30 feet. Now, granted, this is a bigger example of the same thing, but that was, back in my fitter days, a joyride to us. Like, it wasn't a problem. I mean, riptides are not a problem if you know what to do with them. Like, I can survive as a swimmer in like turbulent waters

because like you don't have to do much to survive and float right that you're in a car your car is getting like literally swept into the median and there's about 10 seconds where you can open the door but in that 10 seconds you then have to run across like like knee-deep water rushing out in order for another wave. Like you're not getting out of there comfortably, if at all. The ocean is like raking you across the rocks. That's what I'm saying.

Also, like have you seen those YouTube videos where it's like, I don't know, eight inches of water running at something and people try and stand up? Like there's a huge amount of power in flowing water. There is. I don't think think that i think like woody i guarantee knows this better than any of us on this call but yeah there's just no way that any human michael phelps could not survive in that no he michael phelps would make it to be a joke for him he would have no trouble at all he would lift the car over his head no he would throw it

at the wave i'm really thinking of in the water here. The land obstacles are a problem. You can't stop yourself from getting pushed around. But you can stop yourself from getting pulled under. And that is not that bad. That's terrifying to me. I don't know enough about water. And I don't know how you insert it. It'd be a different thing.

The problem with this is you're going to get hit into the side of the road. And you're going to get drug across the rocks of the road and you're going to get drug across the rocks. There's not much you can do about that. We used to walk out on the jetties because paddling through the waves is kind of a pain in the ass and exhausting and stuff. So you'd walk out on the jetties. But the trouble is where you jump at the end was practically in the water.

So if the sets came through, just what Taylor was talking about, you'd have like eight inches or even more. It'd be like knee deep. And the jenny's would typically slippery on the top and it would like sweep you across and you'd fall in between the rocks and stuff and uh but then you just work your way out of the rocks and then jump into the ocean and you'd be okay yeah i mean it's just like not a fun experience regardless of how fit you are like you're not having a fun time here that's the thing too i haven't been tested in a while so my like perception of how fit you are. You're not having a fun time here. That's the thing, too. I haven't been tested in a while. So my perception of how easily I handle moving water

and how easily I currently handle moving water could be different. I used to do front handsprings. I used to do them. I could do lots of them. When you were 12? Late teenagers and stuff. 65 years ago.

Somewhere along the way, handsprings were removed i don't know exactly when i didn't do them for a while but i know they're gone you know i used to be able to do the splits when i played hockey as a goalie no problem no problem as a goalie if you wanted to play at a high level of competition you had to be able to do the splits like i was like baseline flexibility like if all you could do was do the splits that wasn't very impressive but i could do that just like fall down main like just falling speed no problem if i were to go out now first of all i haven't skated in so long it would be depressing how much i'd have to regain my like i would just skate around like as fast as i could like two laps and be like oh my quads oh jesus ah feels like somebody punched me right in

the thigh but that's not something I'm looking forward to, and it's just going to get worse as I get older, unless I get back out there and practice. I told my friends I would do a men's hockey league with them this year, because they're always looking for goalies that aren't shit, and I know that I could go out there and be better than a fucking 38-year-old guy who practices every weekend. Is it free?

I don't know how much it is. I don't believe it's free. I have to pay some sort of entrance fee or whatever. Some of the leagues I play in, goalies are free. I'm going to have to play. If you watch Jonathan Quick, one of the famous goalies in the NHL right now, he's so acrobatic, so flexible and athletic that it's like wow that guy knows how to be a goalie but he also is doing this through just sheer athleticism of being able to

throw his body around in ways that other people even other professional athletes in a lot of cases would tear things i'm gonna have to go out there and play like if you look at a clip from goalies from the 1970s where those guys had bad knees and they just kind of like like gotta move their body towards it and they're like ah you know i did my best guys i'm not wearing a mask fuck you i'm not gonna i'm not gonna get down on my knees and take one of the face i played against an nhl goalie for the canes like the place i played was their practice facility no uh he was the guy who played a ton of games. He played like 70 games a year. He used to own the NHL.

He posted on the scoreboard he had the most games of any goalie. Oh, of anyone? That'd be Martin Brodeur. No, no. During the course of the year. So Martin Brodeur had probably more games but not like he played 60 a year. Was he a Canes goalie?

Yeah. I only know Cam Ward and Nikolai habib he was short and he was before cam ward but anyway so um so i shot against that guy and he seemed to like not have to move to block my shots like it just seemed like there was never any open net to shoot at and he'd block my shots and it'd just be like like like everything I did was two inches from where he was already. And it's like, I don't know, just motherfucker. Like, if I tried to get in close, he'd just get to me and take my time away, which sucks because I'm not good and I need my time. And if I shot from far away, like he just worked the angle in such a way and he just seemed like he took all the space. Yeah.

It was unfun to play against NHL players because, like, I would – like, Al McInnes, one of the best defensemen of all time, played for the Blues. First part of his career on the Calgary Flames, second part on the Blues. He would come to our practices sometimes, and he was known for having the hardest slap shot in the league for years. And he would take legitimately hard slap shots on me from the blue line so don't think that he was like skating up really close and like winding up like he did in a pro goalie like he was

going far enough away that even though it was going fast it wasn't gonna hurt me unless i really fucked up and let it hit my neck or my collarbone or something like that um but he would do that and every once in a while i'd be like all right i just saved like six in a row hard slap shots from al mckinnis i'm really getting good i'm doing great and it's almost like he could sense that because then he would be like all right i'm gonna come in on you this time taylor and it's like all right this is like 43 year old former nhl guy he's gotta have lost some speed but he with his like wooden stick that they used which is not good for getting a lot of whip he would like skate in and like just casually just be like all right i'm going top right and then boom just and it was like he could have told me a minute earlier and i could have planned for it but it was like there's

nothing in the world that it's like dude i'm i'm like 15 my i can't move that fast that's impossible the speed that you're shooting that but it's mind-blowing to see those guys up close especially kyle if you ever went to a real nhl game and you saw how quick it is how hard those guys are hitting each other that's something you underestimate is on tv you'll see a guy get checked into the boards and you're like all right that probably that's not that big of a hit no big deal if you're up against the glass on those hits you see the guys like like clavicles are like crushing up like he's getting slammed hard like awkward positioning of his back against the board edge it's just oh i'm trying to hit them in such a way

that that he's demotivated from doing whatever it is he was trying to do literally it's like let me injure you enough to stop doing challenging me like can i hurt you so you will stop doing this and it's like sure the guy's name was artist urbe he played for the canes and he played 77 games that year so that that was that's remarkable out of 82 yeah he just imagine being his backup if you're like fuck you know like like like i don't even get to play because what's a normal goalie play in a year 60 games maybe a first string goalie um and maybe like 22 to the other guy ish 50s in the 50 range okay yeah guy played 77 games that's insane i feel like he's a game hog sort of you know yes but at the same time like if i could be in if i couldn't be the absolute best at a position i would want to be the backup because especially like backup quarterback in the NFL, put me on the

third string with a couple of healthy guys in front of me, that's the dream job. Because you're not going to get called out. You're raking in like half a million, right? Oh yeah, like minimum in the NFL, not half a million. I think it's like 300-something thousand or something like that. It's a huge amount of money. I'm about that.

Yeah, to not do anything. To throw the ball well, but not too... Regardless, I'm about that Yeah to not do anything To throw the ball well I Regardless Being the ninth man on an NBA bench Is infinitely better than anything You could ever do with your life outside of that Like you have to study and Be the best lawyer in New York 450,000

Holy shit To be a practice squad player. That's for a rookie. It goes up. It says year zero. I assume that'd be rookie. If you have a year behind you, 525. Oh, wait.

That's this year. It's 525, then 600, 675. I mean, like. If you're a 10-year third-string rookie, you're making, like, at worst, like, 900K. Yeah, 985. Let's re-get in! That's great.

Get that money. Baseball, well, baseball's a little bit different because, like, NFL doesn't have minor league. Like, baseball has, like, single-A, double-A, triple-A levels. So, like, you could be on the brink for MLB. But what about minor league don't get paid shit. So that's the thing.

You could be the best minor league player and be raking in like $70,000. But until you get called up, you're only making $70,000. And I'm guessing if you're the worst baseball player, you're actually bouncing back and forth a lot. That's what I'm saying. If you're a football player, you're just on the team.

It says NHL is $575,000 and NBA is for a veteran. Anyone who's played more than one season, I guess, in NBA is like $788,000. I feel like that's... God, I'm talking about basketball. I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. Everyone assures me this is true.

But I've read and I've observed that there's kind of like a millionaire's club in basketball now. It's changed the culture. They're all so rich and successful. It makes sense. I mean, do you not – I mean mean it's the same way in like in soccer i mean i like if you're in the if you're in the premier league uh the i just checked the the english premier league the minimum salary is 2.3 million a year so that means if you're the 17th man on the roster of the bottom team of the English Premier League,

I mean, you're making 2.3 mil easy. And that's like your name is not known outside of the people that support your club. So, like, you could go to another city and nobody knows who the fuck you are, and you're still making more than everybody there. It's crazy. There's a lot of money in there. You're a big soccer guy, right? Yeah. What's the – or do you follow the american league or i guess the premier msl or msl mls yeah is who's who's

your team for them i only know of the seattle team so uh the sounders so i'm i'm a i'm a dc united fan because that was the only team close enough to me but now uh la is getting their own true team we've got the la galaxy which is like 45 minutes away in carson and lafc which is part owned by will ferrell and a bunch of other like odd people that just have a lot of money that's going to be in downtown la and that's going to be huge i mean it's like the same thing with uh the new york fc they they basically had a bunch of like investors come in and be like, we've got $100 million. Go spend it on some players.

So they brought older English players, like this guy named Frank Lampard, who's like a legend in England. They brought him over. Just, alright, here you go. Is he good? Yeah. He's fucking... The oldest English people, like 38

years old, school everyone of like... Or like the majority of everybody they're playing. I mean, David Beckham was super old at the L.A. Galaxy and just was like casually winning games because he's just that much better. I mean, it's culture shit, but. Huh. I was wondering how Beckham did. You know, the other guy that I barely barely follow there was like a 15 year old absolute phenom ready I do yeah fuck that guy why well first off you play for DC United second off there's never been just if you google Freddy I do probably the first 10 articles are like

the most overblown soccer star to ever exist in the history of the world. He was supposed to be the US's next Messi. There was a whole like, oh, we can't verify his birth certificate. He ended up getting a big head floundering. He currently plays in the third league of Turkey. This guy has nothing going for him.

That's a real small soccer club. I mean, yeah. You've never seen a dude fail like this. There's some UFC fighters in a similar spot. Yeah, they execute criminals at halftime. Yeah. Dude, so there's a UFC fighter named Sage Northcutt, and he was highly talented coming into the UFC. And if you look at him, he looks like a fucking action figure.

Like, just, I don't have words. Like, dude, people look like that? The humans don't look like him. He's so perfect. And he won his first fight, maybe his second fight, but he has one loss in there. Apparently he had six strep throat or something. And there's another guy, Mickey Gall. I've never seen a guy, Mickey Gall has two wins so far, right? Both of his opponents in the UFC never had a fight before. Like, that's not a UFC thing. Like, how can they just bring in people who've never even had a fight?

And, like, and he beats them? They brought in Shoe Nice. They were like, Shoe Nice, come here and fight. Finally, he made it. Yeah, circle back. Nice, nice. I like that thread. So, and now they're going to fight each other. You finally made it. Yeah, circle back. Nice, nice. I like that thread.

And now they're going to fight each other. And at the end of this, one of them will no longer be a prospect, I would think. They're both young guys. People are excited about them. But neither of them has fought anybody good enough to warrant the kind of enthusiasm and attention they get. Sage Northcutt gets $80,000 to fight or something like that. That's really good in the UFC. And, yeah, anyway.

So they fight together December something. UFC 205? The UFC has put together the best card ever. What's the card of UFC 205? Because I thought I was super excited for, like, Lesnar coming on. Oh, wait. 205 is McGregor is fighting for a title or fighting in his weight class for the first time in ages, right? Yeah. Yeah, I guess you could – kind of.

So before McGregor came to the UFC, he fought at 145 and 155. He was the champion of both. He came to UFC. He made a beeline straight for the 145 title, won, like, whatever, six fights in 145 and 155. He was the champion of both. He came to UFC. He made a beeline straight for the 145 title, won like whatever six fights in a row, and did it. One second. So

he went to the got the 145 pound title and then he was going for the 155 pound title when the champ hurt his foot. Rafael Dos Anjos or something like that okay and nate diaz stepped in but nate diaz wasn't training or something and he didn't he couldn't make weight and mcgregor's like fuck it i'll fight him at 170 like i don't really care about the weight let's do

it mcgregor lost got a rematch so like you said he hasn't followed his weight in a while now he's gonna fight at 155 he's gonna going to try to get both belts. But I think the smart money is on Eddie Alvarez, and I'm kind of excited about him winning too. I think the 155-pound guy is going to beat him. He eats left-handers for lunch. Some of his best fights are against left-handers, and I think he's going to have his way with McGregor.

That's just the top fight. Tyrone Woodley is going to defend against Wonderboy Stephen Thompson. That's the top fight uh tyrone woodley is going to defend against wonder boy stephen thompson that's the second fight joanna they call her joanna champion because her real name is like joanna jedzer zankic against carolina kalawizic i'm about it two polish women oh dude it's great chris weidman versus yul romero donald serrani versus ke Gastelum, Misha Tate versus Raquel Pennington. Dude, so many, like, most of these fights could headline a card. They want to come into Madison Square Garden with the best card they've ever made before. It's in November.

Like, I'm very excited about it. Yeah, and amongst MMA fans, one of the challenges is you put together this great card. The people get hurt. People get sick, whatever, drug tests. The fight card falls apart. So they have this, like, the MMA gods that they pray to, and they sacrifice fights. You know, like, all right, all right. Like, this event.

So BJ Penn, he was going to fight in Manila or something, Philippines, I don't know. And he got hurt, and they had to cancel the whole event like six fights they're gone now they're not gonna fight uh it's it's over with and everyone is excited they're like it's okay it's okay it was a sacrifice that had to be made to the mma gods so that usc 205 can go off without hitch. It's not a big price to pay. The OBJ fans are like 37 now. We can deal without that. We just want this card to actually happen.

Holy shit. What was that? Sorry. I was looking at another clip of some boring storm information. That was not interesting. These Polish women's names are out of control. It is the most letters ever in a UFC fight. Joanne Jadrzewski against Carolina

Kowalskiewicz. There's never been a fight in UFC history that had more letters in the names. It's like when the English prophet who went to all the English speaking nations and was like, why can now be used as a vowel it's like the polish people thought that there are now no vowels but why and that's how they write

like shizefsky shizefsky i looked at and i was like bullshit that's how you say shizefsky i i yeah joanna champion that she's currently the champ, it's become her accepted last name. And I love it. I can pronounce it. It's fantastic. I'm down with it. So I know not everyone's a UFC guy, but I'm... It's very exciting. I just like watching people get the shit beat out of themselves. Like, I don't even pretend to know anything about it outside of the fact that this will be a good fight and I will see some blood. Like, if the ring... I mean, when Les lesnar that whole card was at 200 when when the

main card came on the ring was like spotless and i was pissed off i was like guys i want to see a battlefield of blood and like i want them to come out here and start slipping on the floor and shit like you know i i did there's a lot i like about fighting and i i i watch it and read about it and every day i'm in touch with it but um uh one of the things i admire the most is the courage of the guys who are exhausted like the don't quit that you i i i don't see it in other sports and i'm sure it exists in some ways but like i you know i feel like when you're down in basketball or something it's not the same. These guys are beaten. These guys are exhausted.

They're bloody. They may have body parts that are now flipping off. They're just hanging on by a little bit. They know they've got a lengthy time at the hospital after this fight, but I'm not done yet, and they're still fighting, literally fighting, clawing. Dude, these guys are not like us they're they're incredible

and I admire it and I like to watch the sport but it like when Joe Lozon fights I'm legit nervous I want to help and I like these are the thought processes that go in my head like oh man like if I could just be there, I'm not sure.

I might just be a liability, right? Like, in my house, I am more than twice as strong than anyone else here. Jackie, Colin, Hope, et cetera, right? So if I have to carry something really heavy, I'm better off doing it myself than giving them one side. I think if I help Joe fight, a similar dynamic might exist. Like, Joe and I might be a worse team than Joe. Suddenly the bad guy

picks Woody up and starts using him as a weapon to suggest something. I do want to be a liability. I'm sorry, Joe! I'm sorry! Oh, Woody, your head is so hard. I had the best of intentions, Joe. But, but, Woody, your head is so hard. I had the best of intentions, Joe.

But, yeah. So strong. They are strong. Believe me when I say this is not what I intended. Swinging around. You can look at a UFC athlete and think, oh, maybe, like, I get it. He's stronger than me by this much. Or maybe you know other people

with a similar physique and how strong they are. No. These guys are bodyweight competitors and they pack more strength into their 155 pounds than that guy that you know. It is a different thing. Very cool.

They have a cave troll. Anyway, I got very excited about the UFC stuff so that's a thing shit did you find any the hurricane is on my mind I legit think there's people dying right now I saw one video of content watched a couple seconds nothing and then I saw another tweet

that was like, hurricane should be calming down in 48 hours or something. That's a lot of hours. Trevor tweeted and said the worst is supposed to be 3 to 8 a.m. Eastern. So he was like, I'm going to bed on the ground floor

and I'll let you guys know if anything interesting happens. I was like, cool. Here's my call he loses power and doesn't let us know no no no so I mean so unless the cell towers go down which is a possibility and I think he will keep it he had like he showed a arsenal of charged packs and he was like I'm ready to go guys i uh i got a call during this show and it left a minute and a half long voicemail from a number i didn't recognize so i was like i that's odd behavior who leaves voicemails anymore and um i listened to it it was my power company telling

me to prepare that the power is likely to go out that you know you have a plan know what you would have to what you would be doing under these emergencies i'm inland right raleigh's not really on the yeah when you said that i started worrying about me i'm like oh my fucking power doesn't go out i hate losing power it's it's this moment where you realize like what your life's really about you're like what do i do so what is it that i that i do when i'm not doing that it's like a real sad like seinfeld scene where they're where they're like we shouldn't think about this anymore yeah yeah let's go back to what we were doing let's go to the old way that was better that was better losing power sucks i think i think this means that we're all alcoholics guys well what do we do with that information?

What do you do with any information? You put it deep, deep down inside, and you try not to think about it. There you go. Tucker, are you still playing with your Vive as much as you once were? My observation has been everyone seems to love it and then fade out of it. has been everyone seems to love it and then fade out of it uh i don't have any space to do the vibe in my new apartment um i definitely i literally played every game worth playing at the time that we had last talked and then there are a couple games that came out i kept playing them i'm i am now uh currently i have a studio set up where I can go play. I'm waiting on like that first real AAA game.

One that's like made specifically for Vive that's going to be outstanding. So that's what I'm waiting on. But you're right. Like we're kind of in that limbo where everything's like an arcade game or like a 10 minute experience. There's not an in between. There's not a game, you know. I like Hover Junkers a lot. Oh, that one's great.

Absolutely good. You know, for anybody who doesn't know what it is, you have this hovercraft superimposed around you. You're riding around on a hovercraft, and you can build defenses, you can build walls and stuff around it, and you're kind of hovering around in this big multiplayer arena

where you can't... The distance that you can see is very limited so you're exploring it it's dark over there and foggy and you're you're driving around these swamps or whatever looking for the bad guys who are also in hovercrafts and my left hand or wherever i want really but my left hand is my steering wheel i tilt it in whichever direction i want to go um and it's really good at mapping that it always goes where I want to go. And it's really good at mapping that. It always goes where you want to go. Your right hand is a weapon system that you can make be whatever you want. You know, you use your thumb pad to go shotgun or pistol or whatever you want.

And it's literally drive-by shootings. You're, like, rolling up on the enemy, bump into him, and then bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. He's dead. You duck down, and by duck down, I mean lay on the floor. Pretty much. And, like, fucking reload the gun as your other hand is, like, backing you out of that situation because more people have swarmed in. And so I'm, like, backing out and, like, reloading, laying on the floor so they can't get a shot at me.

And then I wait until, like, one guy kills the other. And now he's a little weak and I'm back in like a piranha. Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. Kill him. kill him back back out it's a great game there's team games so um the first time i played team mode i killed my teammate right off the start and then like he responds and i'm like sorry and they're like it's cool and it's like a guy and his friend are in the the same hovercraft together um and they're we're all communicating and I wave at them and they wave back and we're in our rooms and everything but our characters are waving in real

time and I'm like where are the bad guys and they're like we don't know so I'm like ah I see them they're like where and I shoot my flare gun toward where the bad guys are and then as a team now we're riding into battle to like 2v1 all these guys. Why'd you shoot your teammate?

What happened there? I couldn't tell who was who. I saw some guys in a fucking hovercraft and bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. Just fucking killed. It's fun. I get scared playing those games. When I play out of ammo,

not out of ammo, but the Brookhaven experiment's pretty scary. Oh, fuck that game. But much, much scarier than the Brookhaven experiment's pretty scary oh fuck that game uh but but much much scared in the brookhaven experiment um i'm losing what um um it's the one where you're fighting the robots and they don't have legs in the second level uh raw data raw data raw data when i got to the level where they have no legs and they're like launching themselves at you by like doing that and like throwing their torso through the air at you um i was like whoa whoa whoa whoa and like took my

my my thing off and i was like that was fucking bullshit fuck i didn't know that was coming that's not the game i thought i was and like i didn't want to put it back on right away because i know that when i put it on he's in my face like like he's on me so games like that can be you're so immersed that that's the difference you lose some resolution you lose some other stuff but you gain this immersion that's like nothing else so tucker where do we find you uh same place you can find me all the other time. Just Google Jericho. I got too many I's in my name. I guarantee you, click the link in the description. Woody will absolutely include.

Yes, we have it. Otherwise, you're out of it. There's a price to be paid that I don't want to pay. I follow. Yeah. Check him out. Link in the description. Live streaming still a lot?

Every day. Every day. Every day. Thanks for coming on again, man. It's always awesome having you on. Always fun having a time with you guys. Thanks to Mafia 3 for sponsoring tonight's show. After years of combat in Vietnam,

Lincoln Clay knows this truth. Family isn't who you're born with. It's who you will die for. When his surrogate family, the Black Mob, is betrayed and wiped out by the Italian Mafia, Lincoln builds a new family on the ashes of the old and blazes a path of military-grade revenge and redemption

through the Mafioso responsible. Go to mafiagame.com slash painkillerready for a chance to win a free copy of Mafia 3 right now. Game's out. It's on PlayStation 4, Xbox One, and PC. Rated M for Mature.

Awesome. PKA episode 303.