Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #307

Episode Date: November 11, 2016

This week on PKA, Anthony Cumia is back! The guys talk pre-election shenanigans, Woody talks about his childhood abuse stories, anorexic 'tuber and a fart that changed a woman's life...

is and we're live episode 307 we will at some point have our guest anthony kumia but i think for the first 45 minutes to an hour ish uh we'll go without him and then he'll join kyle but don't skip ahead because this is the gold yeah we got some topics lined up just us all right so we've got a few sponsors tonight we've got nature box squarespace uber diff eyewear once more i like them uh tracker and uh audible so we'll talk about each of those more later on the show if Squarespace, Uber, Diff Eyewear once more, I like them, Tracker, and Audible. So we'll talk about each of those more later on in the show. If you're interested in any of those products and or services, check them out down in the description

below. Did you mention all six? There is one of them that does not require a mid-roll. That is Wondery, but they get a mid-roll or a beginning thing anyway. So yeah, Wondery. We'll talk about it too. It's just a post-roll for that one. We're good.

I promise. If you say so. I trust you, Kyle. Yes. I was here two hours early getting that right. I've been sitting here for a while. Holy shit. It takes you a while to get two sentences all straight.

Well, it's not that. I have, look, behind that camera right now, it looks like Charlie Kelly's wall when he's trying to find Pepe Silvia, all right? There's Post-it notes and strings everywhere. I've got a whole comedic format right behind that camera that I've planned for you tonight, and I just don't appreciate your denigration

this early in the show, sir. Kyle actually... You are nasty. You are a nasty man. A little inside joke, A little inside joke. I am. I am. What do we want to start out with first?

I've got a thing that we didn't even talk about in advance. Apparently, while Wings of Redemption did talk about Kyle's finances, did talk about my finances, did say I was bad at video games and a host of other things. He never said that Jackie and I were getting a divorce. Oh, well, then he's in the clear.

He did say we were pro-screwing people over, fucking people over, whatever it is he said. But the one about – Is that all, like, fact? Like, is that recorded that he said you guys like fucking people over? I don't even remember. He uploaded it in a video on his own channel. he did immediately rescind it like i shouldn't have said that and then rendered it and then uploaded it but um uh he did not apparently the part about him talking about jackie and i was a lie that a fan of pka made up because he's a dick, I guess. So anyway, that's all cleared up now.

Oh, good. Well, now he's in the clear. Nothing wrong with any of that. So I got a couple things here. One that I've been meaning to talk about on the show forever. It's actually a sponsor on the Howard Stern Show, but I think it's this, and I'll be honest, I attempted reaching out to them for our show.

I was willing to bring them on board, the PKAKA train but not really because I think it's a great product but because I think it's a funny part product and this is Tiger lady calm okay if we all want to to head on over to Tiger lady calm now what this is this is a self-defense tool I guess weapon really that is marketed toward women Tiger lady calm and it's it's a they kind of pitched themselves as giving a really, that is marketed toward women, TigerLady.com, and they kind of pitch themselves as giving a lady Wolverine claws at a moment's notice that collect DNA

evidence. Now, what does this mean? This means that you fucking squeeze this thing and claws come out. They're like cat claws that scoop flesh when you scratch someone for DNA evidence for later, I guess. Is this a good idea?

I think it means you need to kill the woman. This couldn't be a less effective way of angering your rapist. It's a very effective way of angering your rapist. He's like, you're just like, I can just imagine it now. You're jogging, rapist comes up, grabs you, spins you around. You go, tiger lady! And you scratch him just right across the. You're jogging. Rapist comes up, grabs you, spins you around. You go, tiger lady. And you scratch him just right across the corner, top to mouth. And he was like, you dropped your purse.

You dropped your purse. I'm blind. Like that's what's going to happen. If you're so afraid that you're running around. And keep in mind, this isn't meant to be worn in your pocket or in like a fanny pack. It's made so that it's always in your hand like brass knuckles like you're jogging with them and there's even a picture of a lady jogging with one in each hand like she's under that much

threat at the park I guess she's Wolverine this is the same level of like safety as if instead of keeping a gun hidden on me or a taser if I just jogged with two pocket knives out in my hands showing people like you know actually you know what

jogging with pocket knives is a better idea than the tiger lady because with the tiger lady they're gonna go what is she holding some old mp3 player I'm gonna go bother that bitch cause I'm a miscreant who does that kind of thing with a pocket knife like that you hold it up and they go that bitch has two knives at the very least I'm gonna take a few I'm gonna wait

until the next victim comes along. You know, the PKA knife, way better than the Tiger. I know this isn't going to be, this would be a little easier for some of us than others, but put yourself in the shoes of a rapist, okay? You get scratched. Not a problem. Carry on. I'm aware. I was referring to you.

You get scratched terribly by your would-be rapee, and are you or are you not much, much more likely to escalate to rape murder at that point? You know, I'll answer your question with a question. Have I ever been caught for rape? Not once. Not once. No. Jesus Christ.

This is a terrible line of joking. Three minutes in. What's weird about the Tiger Lady is, like, last time I was at Woody's house, he's got a whole collection of them. Right? He just lined up. Lined up. He names them. It said Becky on one, Carol on another.

Sebastian, the big one, you know? Yeah. This is like I think every woman should have some kind of self-defense because there are creepy, awful guys out there who will take advantage of them. who will take advantage of him. But this isn't, you know, go get your concealed weapons permit or go to a jujitsu class or something because this doesn't look like, this is, if you guys can't picture it,

it's imagine brass knuckles, but instead it's that same kind of hand grip they have, but they squeeze down and just like Wolverine, three kind of prongs come out from between the knuckles and they're not giant prongs like Wolverine. It will not man they are literally anger him so so much make him live it like it's like if they gave you a 22 rifle and they put you in the same you know tank as a grizzly bear or something they'd be like

you're gonna be able to really make this thing upset before it cuts your face off like and so these little hooks like kyle was saying a selling point is that it gets dna you know what else gets dna out any kind of contact with a human being because this isn't 1950 you know they can find shit on the ground if you if you sneeze on your rapist you're gonna blow a few hairs loose and they're gonna find do not take legal advice from pka i'm pretty sure this all comes from taylor's. If you shoot, though, these are facts. It comes from CSI, the television show. If you shoot your would-be rapist, there will be plenty of DNA evidence. That's the thing. Every fucking thing.

So I was watching this Navy SEAL on YouTube, and they were like, look, what advice do you have for women to defend themselves? And he said, get a gun. And they're like, no, no, no, no. We mean, like, you know, boxing, jujitsu, Muay Thai, like, you know, what does, he's like, get a gun. Get a gun, you're a girl for Christ's sakes. He's like, it would take you years of dedication to get to the point where you can beat some of the guys.

It just like, look, I don't mean to be sexist about this thing. Joe Rogan, I just heard him talking about this. Joe Rogan's like, the three most important people in my life are women. My wife, my daughter, and my other daughter. But I can beat the fuck out of all of them. Right? Joe had a great special.

Anyway, I feel the same way. Like, girls, girls, girls, look, look. If you're learning self-defense, I hope it's to keep in shape and feel better about yourself and things like that. Because if you think you're going to beat off a guy, you need to be really dedicated to this. You need to be elite at the woman's level before you're taking on average guys. Yeah, if you're going to beat off a guy,

you want to get a lot of practice in first. You're going to want to find a guy like me. I'll let you beat me off as often as you want. Just go to town down there. Yeah. I have beaten a lot of guys off all in preparation of the one day i'm gonna have to do it for real you know yeah dozens dozens of guys sometimes i find i catch more honey with or catch more flies with honey than vinegar i'm not even sure what we're talking about at this point i don't know we were beating off guys a while ago yeah we went one layer too deep on the euphemism the thing is this tiger tiger lady tiger, I need to go back to the tab.

Whatever it is, this is what people who have never had to defend themselves imagine would be helpful in a self-defense scenario. You're like, ooh, he's going to come at me and go, hey, toots, out all alone at night. And then his friends are going to come up behind him and start going And you're gonna have to go you're gonna have to back up and go Oh Lord, you know you reach in your purse because you have time to do that in this fantasy time to grab to Fuck it. You know you grab two of them you pull back and then they kind of recoil they go Oh this broads not like the rest, you know Is that the tiger ladies that you know Rapist that the tiger lady? Is that the tiger lady?

Rapist Joe showed up with a horrible scratch the other night. I don't want to end up like him. Wife's going to find out. It was terrible. He said it's strong. He got mocked off. Couldn't get his nightly drink. Got all stressed out.

Got the shakes. That's what happens in the morning when you don't get your nightly drink. We're in the 50s. We're all alcoholics. So I'm not going to rape you, you know, because you have these claws. Like, that's not what would happen. What would happen in reality is the guy would walk over you might get a glancing blow where he goes fuck And then you're gonna be like, all right, when's he drop boom and then you're and then the fights over It's done because this guy is a piece of shit. You've already established. He is a rapist. So he's a bad person

So he's not gonna shy away from throwing some cheap shots in your fight. So if you want to defend yourself, get a real weapon. Get a real weapon that will help you. Not this pretend. Yeah. Definitely so. It's always a gun. A gun is always the way to go. You know, there's plenty of quotes about

how, you know, guns make everyone equal. Everybody's on the same fucking playing field if we've all got a gun. First rule of winning a gun fight? Have a gun. Have a gun. I just don't understand why, even if you're against gun ownership, you can be against

it in your heart, but just know that everybody else already has the gun, so you might as well just get one yourself anyway, put it in that lockbox, and then when the day comes, it's always better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it. Yeah. Yeah, I often hear people say, like, oh, like you really think you'll get to the top drawer in your nightstand

before the burglar gets to you? Yeah, yeah, I fucking do. Like, what, does he break through the front door and make a sprint for the master bedroom? It's because they're struggling in the labyrinth downstairs. You have as much time as you need. Is this the... No, this can't be another living room.

Where am I? What if they have two sunrooms? This doesn't make any... They should have directions and a hoverboard for me to get around. That's hilarious. He has a safety guy on the outside. Joe, has the house warped or anything?

I'm in a room with Game of Thrones paraphernalia everywhere. I don't know what's happened. It smells different in here, though. Are you sure it's not been around like a 3D Rubik's Cube? I really like my house. It's the coolest thing I've got. I don't know. I'm happy.

I was out in the yard today. I returned to my paramotor, and I'm getting a different one. But the guy that came to get it from my house was also a paramotor pilot, and we were, like, talking about runways and where we take off and what we do. And I just – I like it. I took my trash out today, which involves, like, loading up the golf cart thing. Wait a minute. When you were talking about runways and stuff, were you like,

well, I just take off from the Woodworth estate. No. So he was familiar. He came to like the rush. Where's that? Is that, is that like a music? He was looking,

he was here. He came here. So, so he's like, wouldn't you take off here? And I was like, ah, so far I've taken off from here,

here and here. And this is how I do it. And why? And, and yeah, I don't want to bury people in paramotor talk, but I yeah i don't know i'm really happy to be here you have access to your address thing to change it on google because it's a map you should make it like uh woodworth international airport or something like that yeah yeah someone made something already international water so i

don't know if you saw that news story, but I guess this woman was training for the world championships of paragliding and she got sucked up into a thunderstorm. Not just like an updraft, but she got sucked up into a thunderstorm, ascending at over 20 meters per second,

which is incredibly fast. To be ascending. She goes up to over 30,000 feet, which is where the jetliners are. It's negative 40 degrees up there. She's covered in ice, unconscious from lack of oxygen. But before that happens, she's up in the thundercloud with the lightning bolts being thrown around. She said like a leaf in the wind, like completely out of control, like weightless. Two people got sucked up that day.

Yeah. The other guy died. She, however, broke a record for highest flight ever. That's an example of... That's going to be a real sad induction ceremony, right? And the new winner for highest flight ever, like pinned that one on there, and Jerry's dead. Let's not forget that.

In memoriam of Jerry. In memoriam of Jerry. So there's something called a vario that paragliders use, and it tells them their altitude and sort of tracks their flight. It's like a three-dimensional GPS. So even though she was unconscious, this thing was recording the

whole time, and that's why they know exactly what happened to her while she was sleeping. She descended at one point. She descended at one point at 30 meters per second. Her wing iced over. That's well over 100 feet per second, which is easier for my brain because of firearms and paintball and arrows and stuff.

That's very freaking fast. A paintball gun is shooting at 280 feet per second. I think that's something that a lot of people can relate to. A compound bow, if you're into archery, a little over 300 feet per second, depending on the bow. That's really fast. She's at a third of that. And it it's just her it's just her body that's how fast her wing must have been like in a in a straight like just like a handkerchief or something attached to a piece of string as she dropped down and then um it got a little less icy and

it just reinflated like a parachute would you know and she wakes up at like 7 000 feet or something 9 000 feet or something and she's just like oh i'm alive i didn't expect that because she she thought she was gonna die it's interesting you know i bet if she if she had woken up on the ground and and we had like hurriedly put her in some sort of scenario we could totally have made her think it was the afterlife we get a bunch of guys to dress up and dress up like Jesus fucking Christ. Dress up as Satan. No, like Satan. Might as well be Satan.

That's where I was going with this. You are too reckless with the life God gave you. Oh, just go real hard on the, like, you know, oh my god, we got you on so many offenses. Shellfish, mixed cotton, and polyester, premarital sex you're so fucked like god comes down if i had wanted you to fly i would have given you wings to hell with the rest

of the aviators yeah that would be yeah when she landed she still needed help like she was hypothermic and not really with it like she didn't get up and walk you could have made her believe this yeah they had to they had to rescue her even after she landed It wasn't it wasn't a good scene for her and another guy died. I think he was struck by lightning in the air I'm not positive about that part though. I wonder what effect that has on you because you're not grounded up there You're just so it's so it would be it's somewhat different I would imagine than getting hit by lightning when you're on the ground I see those scars and the and the injuries that people get from that,

and oftentimes it's where they're grounded at. You see a hole blown through their heel and through their sneaker and into the ground as it's grounded. There's a particular kind of scar. All their capillaries or something were lit up. I don't know what's happening exactly there. It looks like

lightning bolt running through their body, though. It looks like the electricity going in different though. Like the light, it looked like the electricity, like going in different directions, following something, burning scars. Yeah. It's a cool scar, but not one you want to earn.

No, but yeah, but at the same time, like it's one of those scars that you get that it's happens instantly. And if you don't die, you already got it. Like you got it. You're going to look cool.

Apparently they fade though. And so you'll only be cool for the next couple summers. Have to spend a lot of time at the beach and get those pictures to have later in life. You can show people your lightning story. I just watched a video of a lady on LiveLeak getting hit by lightning. She's just walking with an umbrella and boom! And I assumed she was dead because I didn't want to watch anymore. It always makes me think back to...

You ever see The Great Outdoors with John Candy and Dan Aykroyd? Yep. They're at the bar, and there's this guy, and he's like, yeah, that's old Fred. He got hit by lightning. Really? How many times? He goes, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six. He goes, six times.

That's 66 times. He's just fucked up. He's just all shaky. And he gets hit like the 67th time before the movie's over if you want to see if that's a great old school comedy uh the great outdoors it's a little silly to me i wonder if uh adult kyle watched it if you think it was oh man i watched it last year the raccoons are out there the raccoons are talking to each other about the fat one and they're eating the lobster and their teamwork team working that and the bear runs up. I watched a movie yesterday, Sausage Party.

Yeah. Thumbs up or down is actually a tough one, right? It's one. That's what it is. It's one. And I don't want to – and the one is doing this. It's teetering. It's teetering.

Yeah. Okay. So it's dirty, right? Everyone knows Sausage Party. It looks like it's going to be the next Toy Story, but it's not. Basically, all these things want to have sex with each other. And one of the main characters is a douche, like literally the appliance a girl might use. And the douche is being a douche the whole time. He puts steroids. He's juicing and stuff and and his voice of the accents match so the douche is a new jersey roided up party boy

i i don't know i i guess i'm glad i saw it because i was curious about it but beyond that i don't know it just wasn't the greatest movie. Would you watch Sausage Party 2? That is the clear answer. And I think all of us would say, absolutely not. I would not watch Sausage Party 2. I won't go see it in theaters when it comes out. The thing with Sausage Party 1 that was good is, if you go see a comedy in theaters,

you always think it's way better after that viewing than you do if you watch it at home with just like one other person or by yourself because part of enjoying a comedy is like there's a chorus of people cracking up with you so like when a bagel says something to the fucking nacho cheese dish it's like oh this is so funny and everybody else is laughing and that amps you up there's a studio audience and so then when you watch it again at home or you think about it later, you're like, you know what? That really wasn't that funny.

It was more just me caught up in the moment of everybody else laughing. I watched it in an empty theater, so maybe that's part of why I really disliked it. Yeah, I watched it pretty late, and I think I did a matinee, so it was early in the day. Yeah, it wasn't that great for a lot of reasons.

It's their brand of humor, but they really got lost in the day. Yeah, it wasn't that great for a lot of reasons. It's their brand of humor, but they really got lost in the weeds somewhere like three-quarters of the way through the movie. All they had was an idea, this concept that the products are alive. They don't know that when you're purchased, you're going to get eaten, consumed in one way or another. They think it's the afterlife.

It's just heaven. It's a great place. They think humans are their gods, and they find out that's not the truth. They see the horrible truth of it all. The potato's being skinned alive. The carrots are being diced and boiled while they scream for mercy, etc. And once they got past that, they didn't know what the fuck to do.

They really didn't. And all of that was fleshed out with someone else's jokes. And all of that was fleshed out with someone else's jokes. You know, like take every racist stereotype, joke, and or accent, and or concept. The bagel is totally Jewish. Is it a falafel? Falafel. There's a special name for it, but let's just use falafel because we all know. He was a Middle East guy.

And the hot dog and the bun were the penis and the vagina. They had a thing. They had enough content. The taco was a lesbian woman. And they made a whole movie out of it. It could have been one of those like you know how Comedy Central, Adult Swim have those weird 10 minute spots

that play like that Too Many Cooks thing from a couple years ago that was just ridiculous? Well they do that on Adult Swim. That's what that would have been better for because you would have got all the same jokes and at least the good ones and it would have been it but like even an hour into that movie you're like jesus christ this is like the fourth time i've heard this jew joke said exactly the same way and everybody's laughing oh and then he comes back with a joke against the arab bread how hilarious your jokes are funnier than ones that i could write that's that's it And everybody's laughing at, oh, and then he comes back with a joke against the Arab bread. How hilarious. Your jokes have to be funnier than ones that I could write.

That's it. And it's not like, and they're not new jokes. You know, it's just situational things. Oh, there's a sassy black woman there. I bet I could make a list of everything she's about to say. You know, they just didn't have anything new. They were just recycling material from everything that's ever been done. And nothing about it was original. That's what made it bad. They had this

unoriginal comedy thrown on top of this original concept, and it just didn't make a good movie in the end. In the end, they had this big orgy scene that goes on forever. It wasn't that long to me. They had to fill time.

They didn't know what to do. I actually disagree. Everyone was like, the orgy scene was just so long. Oh my god. It just went on and on and on. So I was like, okay, this orgy scene's way long. I thought it was an appropriate length at most. I thought it was a long time. I'll have to go back and look at the amount of time. Maybe I like longer orgies.

In the theater I was watching, being like, my god. It has to have been like four minutes and i'm still watching new like mayonnaise jars i could have been part of actual orgy in that amount of time i could have came by now if i really wanted to oh you didn't i gotta get out maybe i like talking to you so yeah one thumbs up one thumbs down you know it was just so-so. It was alright. It was a lot of funny moments, but it wasn't uproarious

in an original way. More just rehashing easy laughs, which is fine. That's what you need sometimes. They've had the same problem as Black Mirror in this season. I don't know if you guys are watching Black Mirror yet. Have either of you seen it? No. Any episodes of Black Mirror? I'm aware of it and its concept

and what the deal is but no i haven't watched any of it i won't okay i won't spoil anything then i don't want to ruin it the early seasons are much better um i think i stopped in the second season because it lost me like i everyone loves black mirror i seem to be that's the one with the the guy who used to play an attorney he says everything real slowly every episode is like independent it's like different stories about technology in the future like there's the one from a few years ago where it's like uh the politician it's like we're gonna release or we're gonna murder the uh uh princess of england unless you fuck a pig on video in front of the whole country by midnight and they like

send him like a finger and then eventually it's like it gets so much that's like oh my god the prime minister of england is going to fuck this pig on tv in front of everyone does he do that anyway yeah he does at the end of the episode where he's like weeping almost like fucking this pig in real life though isn't he a pig fucker like that no no like it but in the show i think goes, like, ha, ha, ha. So if I remember correctly. You got a blowjob from a pig, right? There was a rumor or something or an old story. Or a picture.

This is familiar. Something about a British PM or a British politician of some kind having a sex act with a pig is a thing of some kind. I just know that. That's all i know like when you said in this show it's not based on anyone it's just like all the people watching and at first they're all like ha ha ha he's fucking that pig and then it's like it gets to like 20 minutes 30 minutes 40 minutes because he can't finish he has to fuck the pig to completion and he's like

he just can't finish because he's in a pig and he's not a monster and people are watching like oh jesus just turn it off. And they all get like upset and disgusted. You know, I think you're being a little piggist. Then he becomes a hero at the end of it. But basically like the first part of the season. Well, does he come or not? He ends up coming.

Oh, good. I can't finish unless he does. But like that's how the first season goes. It's like an independent, like it's like an interesting concept. And then it's like, oh, what if we could make robots so real that you could download? Personalities onto them and then you'd never have to lose your loved one. It's like oh, that's a really cool future It's a concept and the new season is all like they're frantically sitting in a writing room like what if like cell phones do something? Even like more bananas than they do now like maybe they track us like even more

Maybe you have to like do really good on Twitter or want you to buy stuff. I don't know. I'm out of ideas. What else can technology do? And that's what all of it is now, it seems. But still an entertaining show, just not as good. I might check it out. I almost started watching it the other day.

Chiz has the opposite opinion as you. He was like, start on season three. You'll get hooked. And then if you want to, you can go back and do seasons one and two because they're okay too. And I started on three and I literally got two minutes in and then if you want to, you can go back and do seasons one and two because they're okay too. And I started on three, and I literally got two minutes in,

and for some reason that redheaded woman just – I found her look – I didn't want to look at her anymore, and I didn't want her to be a character. And something about the soft filter and the pastel look of the whole show really made me kind of sick to my stomach. Yeah, go to season one. Go to season one. Wasn't into it. It's much better.

I've had a couple fans tell me to watch it too. But it's no Walking Dead. Yeah. I'm going to give Woody the double thumbs up on that statement. I was thinking the same thing in my head. I was like, it is no Walking Dead. Walking Dead's really good. I got all caught up with Walking Dead. I crammed like three seasons of Walking Dead into like two weeks or something, maybe four seasons. You know what else is amazing?

I want to talk about Walking Dead, but if the topic is broader, Woody's good picks, I picked Occupied. Have you watched Occupied on Netflix? No, but you've discussed it at length, and I'm aware of it. Very good show that's another one where like it's so walking dead is like really mainstream everybody knows it occupied is all subtitles which might scare you off but dude not you but like a listener occupied is amazing walking dead has i know seasons two and maybe three happened but a walking dead now is as good as anything on television it it just keeps getting darker and nastier until main characters are blowing snot bubbles out of

fear yeah the the only complaint you can have against it is it's a bit formulaic but if you if you're okay with that then then you're gonna like it and and when i say formulaic i certainly don't mean that like you always know the outcome of a situation. It's not that. Because characters will... That blonde girl who... I did not expect the arrow to come in through the back of her head and come out her eye when they're having that talk on the railroad tracks. I was like, oh!

Oh, no! Right? Out of nowhere. They're having a normal conversation. They're not even a danger who knew there was someone tweeting uh-huh birds are tweeting and they're having a good conversation a meaningful one she's like you know this i don't remember what it was something about she just risked her life to do a thing and she's like i'm gonna live my life i'm not gonna be afraid

if i want that can of soda i'm gonna go in that car and kill that zombie and get it and then an arrow comes in the back of her head and comes out her fucking eye and she does and she's like alive for a second and like says three more words and then drops dead and it's it's it's a good show it's very good show special effects are what is it about like what was occupied about oh we're talking about walking dead yeah yeah i'll tell you this is a fun thing about that character. In the comic book, she dies differently. In the comic book, she is way into this lesbian relationship. Her lesbian lover gets bit by a zombie on the leg. She performs the surgery.

Oh, I'm sorry. And then she also gets bit on the arm. So she has a decision to make, whether she cuts her own arm off and survives or amputates her lover's leg and lets her survive but she needs two arms to do that so she decides to get this leg operation done to her own detriment she turns into a zombie and they kill her oh yeah and in fact um there was a character though that takes the arrow to the back of the head in the comics like they just oh they do that constantly sometimes they'll take like some it's kind of from what i heard they took i don't know which character but they were they were like yeah they took like four of that of carl's cool stories and gave them to different people you know and so that is what it is i get too into the weeds with

comic talk i call it up to the comic so i try not to spoil too much. But what was I going to say? Oh, I started at episode 100, or comic book level 100, which is where season six ends. So I don't know. I guess I'm kind of a comic reader. I didn't go back and read all the old ones. I just wanted all the spoilers. I browsed a bit. Yeah, yeah.

I did something really similar. I was on the wiki getting the synopsis of each episode and just kind of following the stories that went and, and, and remembering the differences in the, in the storyline. That's why I want,

or listen to the walking dead or red, I'm sorry, a game of Thrones. If you consider the audio book, a book reader, it was like, I want to know what happens next season. I want to know that,

but I don't know. The story is diverged. I don't feel like I, well now it's ahead of the book. So i don't know anything that show watchers he's over a year past um uh the original date that he said the next game of thrones book would be released he's a very slow writer he's waiting for every when i was finishing the fifth book in like 2012 or whatever it was 2013 maybe when it came out, he was already saying, like I had people introduce me to it like,

dude, I finished the fifth book and it's only another eight months until he gets that next one out, like for sure. It's been delayed a lot, but he's going to get it. And that was like years ago. And he's still apparently not very close to finishing. And he seems to be doing, you know, he doesn't even seem like he wants to finish it at this point. Let me say this. Stephen King writes about 20 pages a day.

He's considered a fast writer, right? He's about twice as fast. Other authors. Very prolific. 10 pages a day. He's talked about how he does that. Discipline. Discipline.

Gur Martin, a page a day. A page a day. The fuck? He's already morbidly obese and rather old, so he doesn't have a lot of pages left in him if that's his pace. Well, hang on a second. I don't know enough about writing process period,

much less his writing process, but if he's producing, on average, one page of finished book per day, that could mean that he's terribly lazy and he's only getting that much done per day, or that could mean that he's terribly lazy and he's only getting that much done per day or it could mean that he's writing like five different drafts and then he's he's maybe he's writing five different drafts and and then going and adding and taking away from each different draft and each different ways that the story could go most likely scenario

is he writes like five pages and then says that's good for this week you know i'll come back to you on monday i'm all wrapped up i can also picture him doing it to where like he doesn't know a hundred percent all the ways the series is going to end so like when he told the directors a while back because you know you heard like oh you know if he dies they're gonna finish the series the way he wanted because he told him i think he probably just told him like yeah in the end john uh becomes king and daenerys is his queen and now he's there like how does this happen all right let's see what do we do okay so i wrote him out but god we gotta wrap that story up shit i've kind of written myself into a corner here well this group has to come back

into play because I hinted at that 9000 pages ago in book 1 but most of them have been killed by this guy that I wrote about in some hancelary story like god damn it George why'd you put that in there and now I feel like maybe he can't cobble it together in the way that he thinks is worthy of it maybe he's read fanfic and he's like

god damn it that's better than what I had planned but who knows maybe it could have all just been a dream read fanfic and he's like god damn it that's better than what i had planned but that's possible who knows maybe you could have all just been a dream yeah it was all the dream it ends like uh what was the series that that happened oh it's an 80s tv show yeah lost yeah yeah are you thinking it is new no no what was it was it quantum leap i don't know i don't think so i'm gonna google it but it was i'm almost positive it was a television show. Saint Elsewhere?

Is that it? Saint Elsewhere? Is that the hospital one? Yeah. It was all happening in an autistic kid's head or something. Yeah, and it all ended up being his dream, which is the least satisfying way to wrap up a series because it's like flipping off your audience and going, hey, you know all those characters you got emotionally engaged with and you thought that all of this matters nope you know that big plot from two seasons ago that was him rolling over in his sleep idiot you know like

that's how i felt about lost people have heard me talk about lost forever but they had like six different explanations and ways that lost could go the kid had the superpowers in the comic book and um the fat guy this all fit in with his, like, Menstrual Institution dream. And there were a couple ways that this could have wrapped up. And the way they did wrap it up, like, I don't even get it or something. I don't know. It sucked. I don't think that anybody would mind spoiling Lost.

What was it about the end of Lost that people hated so much? If you could boil it down. Because I didn't watch it. And I had so many people telling me for years, you've got to start watching Lost, you've got to start watching Lost, it's the best show on TV, and then everybody changed their tune as soon as the series ended. They're like, no, don't waste your time. If I remember right, and I'm not the best

sort of guy to ask these questions of, but every episode, at the end of every episode, they'd show you what's coming next week. And it was like, oh, I can't wait to see that. We're going to get some big answer. And then we don't. And every show was like a trailer for a movie you want to see.

The thing is they didn't link together. So you keep asking yourself, what are the numbers about? There are these numbers that are common thread, a big mystery. And then they just drop the fucking numbers. And they never meant anything. There are the island has these superpowers that like produce things that people want. You know, some guy wants a guitar. Suddenly there's a guitar hanging in the tree.

Some guy's reading a comic book about a panda bear. Suddenly there's a panda. There's a smoke monster. There's this. There's that. And none of these things really get explained in a satisfactory way the there was a writer strike all the writers left they brought in new writers and they didn't have any continuity in it and then the ending like you're like okay here we are we've got six or seven years worth of like loose ends to tie up and then they're like

oh well you know this whole thing was kind of like purgatory i guess and um some of them were dead and i think some of them weren't and well anyway i hope you liked it it was like a panic finish yeah i guess you could say that and it's just the you expect all these questions that were unanswered over the first six or seven years of it to get answered. And they never were. And it's like, wait a minute, all this time? Like, we're guessing what the numbers meant, what the powers were, what the kid could do,

what the other people were doing, what the tie-in with this was, all these backstories. We're waiting for you to make sense of it, and then you just didn't. You just, like, it was awful. Someone's going to, maybe you can leave in the comment and explain how lost really and maybe i didn't get it but i i thought it was shit and it left tons of unanswered questions well you're not the only one a lot of people hated it yeah so apparently a patient's fart during surgery sparked a fire

that caused serious burns to her body a university hospital in tokyo said the fire occurred at tokyo medical university hospital and shinjuki ward on april 15th the patient in her early 30s uh was undergoing an operation that involved applying a laser a laser to her cervix uh the lower part of her uterus for those who don't know i'm glad they included that here in the article the lasers believed to have ignited the gas she passed. The blaze burned much of her body, including her waist

and legs. And pussy for sure, right? In a report released by the hospital on October 28th, the committee of outside experts who looked into the case said no flammable materials were in the operating room at the time of the surgery. But there were flammable materials within the patient.

Absolutely. Here's a quote. The equipment for the operation was also functioning normally, it said. When the patient's intestinal gas leaked into the space of the operation room, it ignited with the irradiation of the laser and the burning spread, eventually

reaching the surgery drape and causing the fire the report said so this this is what happened this this fucking fart was so powerful that it lit that like surgical drape divider thing that they like put between like i don't know your head and whatever they're operating on and started a fire that burnt this lady's waist and and legs how big how big was that fart this is a gobstopper of a fart right like if she did this in your car you you would you pull over have you guys ever lit a fart on fire i have a lot of experience with this i have very little japan has a lot of experience with earthquakes they preliminary procedure they heard the fart in lower levels they evacuated people from their rooms because they heard the fart in lower levels. They evacuated

people from their rooms because they were, the vibration of it, I'm not lying, it's the bottom part of the article. They evacuated people because it was such a loud reverberation that they were like, we have to get people out of here. We're in Japan. You know, this is an earthquake. Did that really happen? Yes.

All right. Guys, I will look at the article and I will confirm whether Taylor has made that up or not. It's a fact. These are facts. These are PKA facts at best. I don't see this shit. It's more between the lines.

It's in the subtext. Take a couple inferences, combine it with a foregone conclusion, and you get that. So my friends once partnered up. You know, you hang out with the same two or three guys all the time. Well, we hung out with someone else who had his own group of two or three times. And one of them was like, gotta fart. And he jumps on the bed, puts his ear down. He's on his knees, ear to the bed, in like, I guess some sort of doggy style position.

Another guy puts the lighter right to the back. This was a rehearsed maneuver, obviously, right? Another guy puts the lighter on his ass. He farts, and a poof of flame comes out. Like this big, right? You know, people not watching half a cubic foot, you know? Ah, now I can picture it. Maybe a third.

What is it in cubic meters? How much burger do you need from the store? A cubic foot! We're having a big... So anyway, after having seen this done, not so much me. I wasn't really a farter. Still not.

I don't just let them rip. But two of my friends were, and they got to be efficient at this same maneuver. They're like, got to go. And then they might hit the birthing position. Just like, bam! And they started carrying a lighter, and they could light these farts all the time. They started carrying a lighter. Yes. Yeah these farts all the time. They started carrying a lighter. Yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. For this situation. The upside of it is if you burn a fart, it doesn't smell. Like it's not like the whole room is like ruined or anything. So I feel like I have a better guide than most to know what kind of flame to expect from a fart. Now granted, she was naked and we weren't. But I'm surprised it lit. It must have been like a little

like you put a lighter in front of Lysol and just a poof. It's a very dangerous laser. It could just be the laser was put in a way too near the asshole. What if they hit the drape with the laser? What if they hit the drape with the laser,

lit it on fire, and blamed it on the patient's gas oh what if this is all an elaborate ruse they would have come up with something much more believable does hillary clinton own the laser machine does this woman have information on hillary this is all on ge Soros! Whatever you'd say. Yeah, that really sucks, in all honesty, because now her legs and I guess her whole lower body... Did they say bad burns? I didn't read it that

specifically. Are there any good burns? Well, there are better burns. But her pussies all burn out, right? I'm just imagining if the fire was enough to burn her legs and her lower body, it came out of her asshole. Let's be real. That's right next to her pussy because that's where the laser was.

Her vagina is all burnt up. I disagree. That's an awful injury. I think the real burning came from the drape, the surgical drape. Like I picture like a little curtain surrounding her, and that was on her legs and not right in the action what if her pubic fire caught on caught though i think if your pubic hair catches on fire hey that could cause some serious burns rather quickly she was like in for surgery so i assume she was shaved everywhere right i don't know what's japanese surgery have you seen their porn they probably can't tell what's going on because it's all pixelated.

Doctor's like, I can't see shit. Women are pixelated in this country. Yeah, this is... That's a really shitty story. Why wouldn't they tell the person up front if this is a danger, like, hey, don't fart during the procedure. If you do, it could ignite the laser and you... She's out, right? I assume she was under anesthesia. People

fart in their sleep. Yeah, but if you told me not to, it would have no impact though. Yeah. Just a surgical butt plug could have avoided this entire fiasco. I'm glad you brought that up. I think this is an idea for a new device that we should get on top of right now. Now picture this.

Picture a butt plug that when inserted allows for the passage of gas as well as its ignition. Every time you fart, it's automatically lit. On the inside it's like a grill lighter.

It's tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. Whoosh. We're already well aware of the liability problems with this. There are already butt plugs that could facilitate this now we just need a grill lighter and a little PVC pipe I'm gonna get on this tonight I feel like we could combine one of those vapor things

with a butt plug and burn it as it goes through don't they superheat the gases yeah but over like a coil or something are you vaping out of your asshole you know that's just as bad as smoking, don't you? Can you see it? Like they'd fart and this gigantic cloud would come out.

It's like seeping through their yoga pants as they walk into the Starbucks. It's like a wet shower fart. We get it. You ass vape. Yeah, we get it. You ass vape. That's what you were talking about with the fart thing. Like people doing like crazy like light

a match and then fart on it i'm i'm like you and that i'm not a farter in that i won't just walk into a public place with people i don't know and just fart and be like ah you know i farted if i'm around someone i'm comfortable with i will but even then i never do like the douchey like walk over and like try and breeze it by him. I would never light it. It's the same with Melissa or someone. She's a girl, so they don't fart, obviously. But if she ever did

by me and she just farted, I'd be like, that's fine. Whatever. But if she got up and farted on me and wafted it and made it into a joke or something, I'd be like, what the fuck is wrong with you? Right. Then in there. Yeah. I'm glad you brought that up.

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I made that up, but still a good one. So if you're a high-quality snacker, check them out and have their delicious snacks. So it looks like Anthony is good to be added, and we are waiting on Woody to get back and accept this call. Perfect timing, Woody. Perfect timing. Literally, as soon as Woody got up to leave, Chiz writes, adding Ant now. And then... Yeah. And Chiz

and I had already went through this whole rigmarole of, like, let's make sure we get him in there instantly. We don't want him waiting around, but here we go. So it'll be fun talking to Ant. I want to know more about the Jim... You've been listening to more of his stuff recently, because we've been linking, like, not just the video in A, where it's, like, the Jim, you've been listening to more of his stuff recently. Cause we've been linking like not just the video and a,

where it's like the video playing and the commentary of them. That was hilarious. And they used to have the Opie and Anthony show with Jim Norton, but just the audio stuff, like more similar to Howard Stern. I assume I haven't listened to a lot of Howard Stern, but you seem to enjoy it in the same vein that you like how, or at least a similar vein,

or I guess explain how it's different for you. Yeah. Howard used to do a lot of video. There used to, there was the E show back in the day. I don't know if you remember that, but that was all recorded, and that's how I was first exposed to Howard when I was like, I don't know, early 20s, maybe late teens or something like that,

and I really liked it. But there was no way for me to listen to his show until a couple years ago on Sirius. But with Howard, it's all audio. I don't watch any of his stuff because he doesn't make a lot of good video content. At least he doesn't anymore. A lot of the stuff that he's doing now just doesn't make for good visuals. He used to do a lot of stuff with strippers and freak show guests and that sort

of thing. Anal ring toss with celebrities throwing the rings. That's the sort of thing you want to see. Lately, it's fine listening to it. I was listening to what's the other guy that's with Jim Norton now? It's blank and jim norton or sam sam uh yes i was watching them and colin quinn today and that was really good that was really funny uh i like jim because he's so goddamn quick and he's so brutally cruel to uh just everyone just everyone like colin quinn's

on there and and like he his joke falls flat or something and like five minutes later jim's like ah you must be having a hard time you come on here your jokes are falling flat that your your uh your your legs all hurt not going well for you is it and it's like man i can't believe you called him called him out on his joke falling flat yeah he's just uh it was a very mean-spirited show in a lot of ways because they would make fun of people ruthlessly. And that was, oh, we got Anthony so we can add him. Oh, great. Yeah, I like him a lot. I like their show a lot. I never liked

Opie. Opie always seemed to drag the show down. He wasn't as funny as everybody else. He didn't seem like he was the same kind of person as everyone else. It just didn't seem like a good fit. He hated Uncle Paul. Like, Uncle Paul was Jim's pedophile character. And he didn't like that.

Yeah. Oh, we got him in. Mute. Xbox, mute. The hell is happening? He's trying to mute his Xbox. Mute. Jesus Christ.

What's going on, Anthony? How you doing, guys? Awesome. How are you? Good. Good. Just trying to get Bill O'Reilly to shut up over here. It's so embarrassing to try to show how cool just being able to voice activate stuff with the Xbox is, and it just doesn't work sometimes yeah it doesn't work most of the time that's what the whole siri phase was with a while where it's

like hey i got the new iphone check this out siri where's the closest outback steakhouse you know bing bing bing i'm sorry i didn't hear what you said yeah well maybe i'll just fucking type whatever you know you use the technologies there you can't afford one fuck you you know i love siri man i'm like i'm a huge fan but it seems to be just me i mean it's it's not i was seeing it i saw a thing the other day and it was showing all the things that uh apple had ripped off and even siri was like lifted technology from some uh some other program I wouldn't doubt it. What does Apple make? Money. Nothing money.

It's well played. They make money in little child graves in Cambodia. I bought the new MacBook Pro. It should come tomorrow actually, but I got a fully decked out one too. I think I got every option you could put in one.

You get all the dongles? Yeah. How many dongles did you get? 30, 40? I think I started with two. Did you get the other one? You're right. It's frustrating.

I'm mad. I wish they had slipped in. So I don't mind the USB-C thing, right? I want it to be future-proof. But I've got like a decade worth of random USB shit around my life. And if I were to buy something new right now, it probably wouldn't be USB-C. For people that don't know, there's a new form factor of USB. Everyone loves it more. It's way faster.

You can put it in upside down. It's better in like every way. It clicks nicer. I haven't even touched it, but this is what I read. But you know your printer doesn't fit that like so why don't they have like one legacy port where i can charge all my shit and make it work but they didn't do that because they want to sell more more parts and make more money but uh you might be right so yeah a lot of stuff has been so i followed ona when it was still on serious and whatnot and kind of fell out of it and didn't watch O&J at all and then recently this whole thing has come back to like a new form where I

heard the clip of you calling in to O&J at one point and joking around with them and that was hilarious it was like you guys immediately were the old show again and then Jim and Sam so much funnier than I thought it would be it turns out Sam isn't really that insufferable when you give him a chance. Sam's always been a pretty cool guy. I always got along with him. I thought he was really talented and funny too, but a lot of people just hate his voice.

Colin Quinn comes in and he's like, he looks at Jim, he's like, I thought you'd be sitting over there. He's like, I don't know how to do all that button stuff. He's like, yeah, the fact that you refer to it as button stuff. And I love the addition of Jim do all that button stuff. He's like, yeah, the fact that you refer to it as button stuff. It kind of grew to him. And I love the addition of Jim now getting a lot more.

It's clear that Jim is getting a lot more leeway with the soundboard than he used to get. Because so many of Jim's soundboards are just him making noises. So he'll hit a soundboard and it's him snorting like. And that's it. I am so glad I am not part of that show. I've got to be honest, because of that stupid soundboard. I used to use the soundboard and try to really fit it into whatever conversation was being. We're losing you.

Yeah, yeah. It's like you don't have enough bandwidth. You can act like a man. What's the matter with you? We're losing you. Yeah. Is somebody using your bandwidth? That's not you?

I'm here. No. The only one here. Okay. Just checking. I mean, usually I'd assume there'd be a couple of, like, 12-year-olds just hanging out in the back. We don't all have your lifestyle. I exaggerated to make it funny.

They're 10. Okay. Yeah, I saw you talking to Opie. Like, you were open to doing the show with him again. Well, as a guest on his show or him as a guest on my show or something like that. Oh, I misunderstood then. I heard you say, hey, I could pay you more than they could pay you. Yeah, he got a little bit of a pay cut going to afternoons over at Sirius.

You look really broken up about it. I was about to say, I bet you feel real bad. He's been humbled. He's been humbled. But I have no problems now. It's been a couple of years. you know things obviously happened when i did get fired i don't think it's all in the past we're we're doing our own thing now so i think it would be impossible to come back and and try to do that show again i'm too i'm too used to my own freedom now doing what i'm doing so that would kind of be hard to have him directing a program like he used to so that's kind of done but doing his show getting on there and just goofing about yeah were the were you guys like total peers on the show together or were there things that you did like areas you handled in areas that he

handled or were you just totally the same yeah based on uh i think as far as dealing with management and stuff like that he did all that i couldn't be bothered with the meetings and everything i dealt with the sponsors i didn't mind doing that like um microsoft would come in and and want to demonstrate xbox stuff and i'm like, hell yeah, I'll stay for that. But Opie would never do the sponsor stuff. And I would never want to go to comedy kryptonite. So I would steer clear of any of that stuff. So we had our roles on the air.

We didn't get along for quite a few years but we got along on the air and that's pretty much all that mattered uh there's a lot that's way more common than people make out like like it seems like there's comedy duos and stuff who play friends during the show we hate taylor's fucking guts oh you'd think it was me but it's actually taylor we all stupid fucking beard that do what thing he does with his hair. He's a real scumbag feeds But like him remember the time he had his hair down here is some sort of Superman cosplay for like a year So with you and Opie there were a few times like late on before you got fired where it was clear as a listener i'm like anton is pissed at opie right now because there were so many times i

loved uncle paul which was jim's character of a pedophile and he'd basically just be like oh sure i'll fuck the little girls or like whatever the voice was and like the little boys actually he was a gay pedophile and yes he it's a point important distinction and he would do that little joke that bit and opie would like grunt and swallow and chew and make noises into the mic at the same time where it's like it's you know i i can't see this right now but i guarantee opie's looking at jim like stop doing the creepy pedophile bit you've been doing it for a decade and i'm tired of it that's what it was i think i think when opie became a parent um you know he had a son and and then a daughter it like changed his whole outlook on everything so the show

really started he wanted to take it in another direction. Me and Jimmy still wanted to, you know, make fun of everything, no matter how repulsive it was. We did a whole thing where we, I don't know, it was a Beatles parody medley on miscarriages. And it was just, you know, trying to rhyme words with stewed tomato and plop on my boot, just like things like that. And we were laughing our asses off. And you could tell he just wasn't into that kind of humor anymore, which is fine, but

it's really going to create some tension for the guy interrupting that bit, maybe nipping it in the butt when we're trying to have fun and just you know goof around with shit so it kind of got a little tense then too it's interesting because the only time like listening to the show i would actually feel uncomfortable viscerally aside from the interviews that were intentionally cringy is when someone would bring in i think it was poker chips if i'm remembering that someone brought in poker chips for opie and he threw them out of the window in new york or did something along those lines to the point where the person who gave them the gift was sitting in studio

and he's like should i do it should i just throw the gift away as if that person wasn't there and then he just heaves it out and i was like oh that poor fuck like i actually feel bad because this this isn't some person on a screen that's never going to see this this person's sitting there like wow i really thought that you guys would be my friends like do you know what he's talking about it was always so uncomfortable and whenever anyone brought over you know why are you doing this because he would take it and shit on it like maybe maybe not literally, but figuratively, and then break it right in front of the person. And they would just sit there like, why would you do that?

So it was really uncomfortable to watch that and see the person get really feel dejected and stuff. It was funny. Like, I love uncomfortable shit like that. So it worked. Taylor, do you just like uncomfortable stuff like that? I like um I'll tell you why I asked

if it's directly mean I don't like it as much because it makes me feel uncomfortable where I'm like oh man like I know what it's like like if I brought something to like let's say I'm Kyle's biggest fan and I bring him something and I'm like man this will give me a chance to open up to him and talk to him he's just a person just like me. Maybe we have things in common.

And he goes, hey, that's really neat. Fuck you. And then he shoots it a bunch of times and laughs at me with his friends. I'm going to be like, wow, not only did this not go the way I planned, I feel bad about myself and I feel like I've been taken for a fool. Like, that's, yeah.

But if you're watching a video that someone made on YouTube that's really shitty and you're mocking it, yeah but it's different like but if you're watching a video that someone made on youtube that's really shitty and you're mocking it yeah it's not in a nice spirits but i have laughing at that yeah remember when that family had made that vacation music video where they're all singing together and the dad's on the motorcycle with like the bad comb over in the summertime yeah and that fat girl little fat kid and you know the mom was so obese she wouldn't even go on camera like she wouldn't even bother being taking that the abuse that she would have taken yeah i like that too like like it's cruel it's awful it's terrible but god damn if it's not hilarious at the same time yeah that uncomfortability is fun we've had guests that came in live and uh just got we shot

him down hope he was really nasty to him and i couldn't even look at them i i was so hard to be in that moment i just wanted to run through a wall and get out of there i love that i like it when it's really awkward as long as i'm not the one who has to be like as long as i don't have to keep it going if there's someone else there who's perfectly willing to keep feeding the awkward fire yeah ride that feeling in the center of my chest of like this is really happening that's that's fun i like that yeah that's something to opiate's credit for like keeping that character whatever it is on the show like i can't i can't i don't know how someone can be that directly mean to someone to their face and not just have such a horrible stomach ache that they have to like look down and not think about it for a minute where it's just but

now he just stayed the course it's one of those it's one of those feelings like you get it every so often in life like um i went to go see years ago i'm at the movies and my mom me and my mom my grandmother went and they're giving the blow job in the back seat of the car in front of the disco and and it was so all I just wanted out of there I got like this I was sweating and it was so uncomfortable and I would get and it was so uncomfortable. And I would get that same type of uncomfortable feeling during the show. Yeah. Yeah, I know. Everybody's had that when you're watching a movie with your parents or whatever, and you don't realize just how adult this thing is going to be. And whatever it may be,

whether it's just like teen sex or like, you know, a rape scene or like some awkward nude scene that goes on for far too long. And your mom and dad are right there. And so now you're like, well, they know I know about this now because we're all sitting here together. I better act surprised. Last week we were watching Bad Moms. You guys familiar with the movie Bad Moms? It's funny. Mia Kunis is in it and some other christina applegate is in it and uh basically

it's these moms who find the pressure of being perfect moms pta attending bake sale cooking whatever and she's like let's just be bad moms and they drop some of the mom responsibilities etc anyway to me i thought the movie was going to be funny and i knew it'd be a little bit edgy because they drink and throw a party and stuff. And I'm like, all right, but this is cool. I'm watching it with my kids. Dude, like opening scene, the husband is masturbating to what they think is porn. And Mia Kunis is like, you know, oh, this is funny.

This is funny. I never caught you before. Ooh, she's got a big bush on her and you see like the woman's got a a big bush like a like my head of hair on her on her on her snatch and uh and then it turns out the woman's live and he's like cheating on her and i'm like this is like my son's 13 you know like i didn't know that we were gonna watch cooch together but there we were cute movie yeah so you are that parent who makes the mistake okay because i've always done this from the other side i've always been the kid who like was in a room with an adult who didn't like preview the movie before and but you are that adult you know what i and now i'm the adult

like inside hope's brain there's just like she's just like cutting herself to make this stop. Just anything in her head to like not do this. So when I would watch a show, I could watch a show that was like 99.9% clean and reasonable and something you'd expect me to be watching. But the one time there's boobs on camera, your parents walk into the room. I do that to Hope now. It's like the situation has reversed. But unlike my parents who would just like pretend they don't see it or walk through i'd be like hope what are you watching exactly and she's like i swear this is not representative of the show that i'm seeing as a whole you know

like this sex scene or whatever and then of course as soon as she says that it turns out that's when the bath you know public bathhouse montage starts in the movie because that's how it always goes yeah it's you just happen to come right in at the bukkake scene don't judge this don't judge the whole art film as a whole because of this one yeah he's kind of in its own league anyway you have to time your finish very carefully with bukkake because if you finish in the middle of a bukkake video it just becomes kind of in its own league anyway you have to time your finish very carefully with bukkake because if you finish in the middle of a bukkake video it just becomes kind of upsetting where you're like oh my god this poor i can see in her eyes like she doesn't have a father she's she's really struggling in life trying oh she has one if he if he hadn't been around a touch or she wouldn't be

buried up to her neck in sand with 18 guys surrounding her right now maybe not it's just that's it's a very it's one of those genres that very quickly you realize the the gross like if you finish while watching lesbian porn or something that that after effect you're like okay this is still this is two humans doing it there's nothing crazy going on there's no animals involved there's no like i know not too much fluid you know but then other genres like bukkake you finish in the middle of that and you're ready to turn it off you have to watch for another 30 seconds just to be like what kind of person are you this porn i watch has more fluid than any other porn they're always just like squirting these huge huge squirts into

each other's mouths and gargling it and then spitting it back into the way it's there's some p in there there's a lot of stuff i've done so much research i have two there it comes from the urethra it goes from the bladder to the reason yeah i i hear you but it like science has not yet found some alternative delivery method in women for there to be a fluid that's not p no there is so there's look look i'm on your side that it's mostly pee, but there's also some kind of gland in there. I can't recall the name of this, excreting some other substance. But yeah, it's mostly pee. I've only had one girl ever do that, and I was okay with it. But I wouldn't want that on a regular basis.

You just have to hope that she takes hydration seriously. All right, let's get the rubber sheets out again. Yeah, you can't be doing that with a bender kind of crazy girl who just pees her super dehydrated apple juice piss all over the place. You need to have a healthy fit girl to do that.

They're rubbing one out and then this geyser of fucking squirt into the other one's mouth and she acts like she's happy. She's just been given a delicious treat. She's like,'s like yeah here it comes and she's gargling it it's a little it freaks you out a little bit they gotta understand you're not just gonna you know it's like a fucking golf course sprinkler going off in your bed i got no warning i got no warning in my instance and but she claimed it was the first time that

it ever happened but it was a first time that it ever happened. But it was a rented bed anyway. It's a chronic bed wetter. Too embarrassed to admit it. It's pee. I'm on the Wikipedia site. What percentage of it is pee? A hundred.

It's called – they're calling it like spontaneous incontinence. That sounds sexy. You know what? There are people who think it is. There are guys who are like, you know what? Like if you just get past the pee thing, that if you can make a girl lose control of her incontinence, like just totally lose it and pee pee then you've done a thing and if that's your thing then knock yourself out if i can make my partner behave like elderly people and scared animals i'll know i'm doing my job you know it's not all over the place that's all right so here

we go um so does this mean that the liquid squirted during sex's urine the team had already confirmed that it was coming from the bladder, so it's a good bet. The team? Oh yeah, this is a real stunt team. They compared the samples that had been bagged during climax to urine samples collected at the beginning of the study and found that in two of the seven women

the samples were both chemically identical. In the remaining five women, the samples were slightly different. The team found an enzyme called protastic-specific antigen, PSA, that was present in small amounts in these volunteers' ejaculated urine.

PSA produced in men by the prostate gland is more commonly associated with male ejaculate, says Thompson, a new scientist, where its presence helps sperm to swim. And females, says salama, the PSA is produced mainly by the skein glands. So there is a little something else in there, but it's being carried along by a whole lot of piss. Yeah, I saw something about the skein gland too.

Well, I'm glad we were on the topic of drinking women's bodily liquids because Woody has a website to share with us don't you Woody I like to give credit where credit is due you were the first one to put this forward as a topic although I have a bit of a twist

that I have added let's link it again so Anthony can visit onlythebreast.com OnlyTheBreast.com OnlyTheBreast.com So, yeah, there's a website here where you can get women's breast milk.

Now, we did that joke forever where I was going to have a titty milk company, and a lot of you really bought into that, and shame on you. You should not let people get one over on you quite so easily. Just think twice next time you're going to end up in a pyramid scheme or sending your wedding ring to some Nigerian prince at this rate. Just wake up.

I just sell all the berries, and then the guy below me sells all his berries, and then before you know it, my downline is gigantic. Three billion people after level 20. These people are actually in the business of selling human breast milk and it's for your baby right there's plenty of circumstances where you would want to buy someone else's breast milk and not only is it breast milk it's good breast milk as woody explained there's there's pictures of women holding these they're fat babies being like look it really plumped him up like you know it really made this baby fat and delicious those are stage

babies everybody in the industry knows that That's actually one of my biggest reservations about drinking this breast milk because they advertise with like, look how fat this kid got. And I'm like, oh man, I'm totally not your demo. I don't want to be that fat. That kid's ridiculous. He looks like a little Buddha.

He's eating nothing but that though. He is on a 100% titty milk diet. It's not like he had a salad the day before yesterday. That's like a six-month-old having to take Crestor. He's just like downing cholesterol meds.

Here's what I suggest, gentlemen, and I'm 100% on board. I say that we order ourselves some legit human breast milk and that we consume it on the show. We consume it on the show, and I am down to drink that titty milk. I will find a black woman.

I'll drink chocolate titty milk, whatever you want me to do. I'll drink it. I'll drink as much of it as any of you drink. I'll do a bowl of cereal. I'll do a milkshake. You name it, I'll do it. You can have mine.

Oh, come on. Step up your game. I don't want to drink tit milk that much. Pussy! How much regulation could there be in the black market tit milk community? It's for babies. What are they going to do to it?

SIDS, it's a real thing. Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. That usually just means bad parenting. But it could be bad milk that you bought from your kid off a website. I don't know, you didn't have milk. They're already feeding it to their baby, so their baby made it.

Allegedly, these women are in a farm somewhere in Czechoslovakia. I see what's happening. I saw Mad Max. Technique by Taylor right now. He knows there's no safety hazard in titty milk. You are being quite trusting. That's quite trusting of people to think that you're getting,

first of all, that you're getting breast milk. How do you know it's not just a goat that they're pumping this thing into and then selling it to you? I don't know. I wouldn't go for this. This is a gluten-free mom, and her baby is adorable. I want a mom that does a lot of drugs. She's probably too stiff. Look, if I came out half as adorable as this baby right here.

You have a mom who gave birth to a baby with fetal alcohol syndrome. They took it away, and that's why she's able to provide this breast milk, because I don't want to get fucked up while I do this. Do they have any, like, 15-proof alcohol? I see if you go to local buyers, you can select 2% in skin. This woman, here she is as she sells it. Working mom of three healthy kids kids i'm gluten-free for seven years i adhere to a strict diet that does not contain wheat rye or barley i have exclusively

breastfed all three of my children my youngest is six months and i currently have a large supply of frozen milk that is stored in a deep freezer milk is stored in this is a word i don't know land zola bags with date, time, and weight ounces. I don't smoke or drink, and I limit my caffeine intake. No adult wet nursing, no pictures, no videos, donation to baby only. If you have a need, I can't read. If you do not have a needy baby, do not reply.

Well. Hey, I've been called a needy baby plenty of times. I've been called that my my whole life so i am just fine for this so i look look i'm a hundred i mean this i'm not just kidding i don't think it is a funny joke i think it'll be an even funnier bit to drink that titty milk uh i won't cheat get around it in any way if there's some way to like crack the nipple and and prove that i'm getting it for real i'll do it but i want to drink that titty milk. I think it's fun. It's $2.50 an ounce, and this woman is selling 400 ounces of breast milk.

Hey, look, let's start at eight ounces. Maybe I get a taste for it, and I want that other 200 or 300 ounces. We'll see. But let's start small. I wonder. I'll have to ask Jackie if she considers this a form of cheating. Oh, my God. You guys.

I think that's Taylor's concern, too. I bet your girlfriend wouldn't like it. No, I really don't want to drink some stranger's breast milk. I'm okay with this. I think if you're drinking it right out of the tap, it might be cheating. What if she squirts it into my mouth? Like, is that okay? Like, if she milks herself?

Or if I get one of those old-timey farm implement? I'm not skittish about drinking the breast milk. I'm not at all. Yeah, I want I Really want to do this. I think it'd be really funny for the show So what are this that it's a stranger and I just seeing is how this isn't an industry Do you know those cows are you familiar with? Just seeing as how this isn't an industry. Do you know those cows? Are you familiar with each and every cow? That's a cow, Taylor.

You ever seen a cow? I know that if I eat a burger, that cow wasn't like secretly going off the ranch and doing methamphetamines and then lying about it before it sent me milk. Sure. I mean, she looks like she's really living the vanilla, clean, pure lifestyle. I bet her titty milk tastes better than anything you've ever had. Yeah, but this is like going to, you know, it's just, isn't it kind of gross? It doesn't gross you out at all. Think about it,

and really think about it, and stop being a modern human being for a second. What's grosser? To drink the milk of a bovine animal that shits on its own pussy all day, or to drink the milk of an attractive human being woman who has- I don't see what the cow's pussy's cleanliness has to do with the milk. It's a disgusting animal.

Every time I look at it, I'm always- Every time I look at a cow, I'm like, you just shit right on your pussy. Is that how it works? And you know what? What does it evolutionarily sound? If they took the milk and just squirted it right into the jar, you know, with that shitty udder, and then they shipped it to me and saidirted it right into the jar you know with that shitty utter

And then they shipped it to me and said that's that's milk like I probably wouldn't like that as much either You know I'd rather be Pasteurized you want some pasteurized human breast milk is that what you're saying that would that would change things Well it needs to be gluten free this woman really has an industry going on here. Oh my god check out This woman has a picture of her milk supplies. This is a ridiculous amount of milk. Check her out on Yahoo at

MilkMade101. It's not true. She just looks like a female prepper at this point. He's just getting ready for the apocalypse. Oh my god. I opened up a conversation with my wife i said and i opened it the wrong way because i wish i could start over is ordering breast milk online and drinking

it a form of cheating she said yes i said it's a bit for the show you know i'm not drinking it from the tap she says i still don't like it and she's typing something else all right well fans if you would like me to drink some titty milk for some reason uh uh i don't do it i guess i don't think in any way it's cheating anybody else is gonna drink but it's definitely weird and gross it's so gross and so weird i couldn't imagine drinking it and what like these women aren't they shortchanging their own kids by farming their own milk? I think that she's making enormous amounts. She's milking herself all the time, like, whether her kids need it or not.

I told her that the guys have all agreed it's okay. As if fucking Tweedledee and Tweedledum over there have any influence over what's happening. Like, she's going to be like, okay, we're cool now. I didn't know that. Taylor said it was fine. Right. She's going to be like, okay, we're cool now. I didn't know that. Taylor said it was fine. All right, so I don't know how hard, how, you know, nobody would be willing to do that. There are drugs that Jackie could take so that she could produce some breast milk

for you, and then it wouldn't be cheating. If she keeps going no, suggest that to her as a bit of a, you know, as a silly little thing. She sent me a picture of a shoe. Does that mean something a shoe i said the guys have all agreed it's okay and she returned with a picture of like a penny loafer is she using these things oh she says she's putting her foot down oh how about this she might have a point though like That would be like, well, as long as you don't suck the dick and you're just drinking the cum, is that the same? That's not the same.

That's not the same. Breast milk is nourishment for babies. We're not jizzing in babies' mouths. It's not necessarily sexual, okay? We can't draw that parallel right away. Any woman who does is a sexist i asked her if she'd take a few drugs and lactate for me let's see what she says no way well that no you're no well she doesn't have to know she's taking them maybe she just wakes up one day and

man i'm getting swollen a little heavy up there you know maybe something's been in all these breakfasts Woody's been cooking me. Taylor suggested that you don't need to know that you're taking them. This is going to go well. Alright, well, we'll see if this goes anywhere, but I'd like to know what the fans think. Would you like to see any

breast milk drinking at all if we can make that happen? What I wanted was a game where every time the three of us lose, we have to do a little shot of breast milk and maybe spinning a needle. Okay, Anthony. Right? Just imagine five shots of lukewarm, no, no, warm titty milk right there in front of you. 98.6.

Laying them back. I'd send titty milk. Slightly above room temperature. I wrote, Taylor suggested that you don't need to know you're taking him. And she said, spoken like a Trump supporter. I don't know what that all means. Oh, I do. She thinks my joke was not appropriate.

Taylor, I think what she's saying is that you're trying to control a woman's body against her will. I think that's what she's getting at with all that. Jackie, actually Jackie had a fun thing she says if trump wins right and then alters the supreme court which you know he's promised to do that um kyle might finally start a family it's not like i'm aborting children left and right jesus christ woody i didn't say that clinic in my basement over here where i'm just having to scrape them out left and right. I'm just saying, abortion removed from the country,

the odds of Kyle being a dad go up a bit. Tell her they've still got stairs. I will tell her that. I got a staircase right down the hallway. It's like 12 steps. They're all wooden and hard. Abortion is not going anywhere.

There have been so many conservative presidents that have not gotten rid of abortion. The Supreme Court appointments, they've not gotten rid of it. The only, like right now, for the foreseeable future, the next president will replace a staunchly conservative Supreme Court justice. So it's not going to change anything from what it was when they still didn't get rid of abortion. So abortion comes up every four years, and it's such a ridiculous topic. There's so many other things to worry about.

Jesus. I feel like on the Republican Party, it's one of their top topics. Now, I'll agree that they haven't been successful. It fires the evangelicals up. I think it's a talking point more than it is an actual action that they want to do. They bring it up every four years, then it goes away, and everyone loves abortions. All right, so I have another question that pertains to our significant others.

Fetuses don't. I was thinking about this earlier. I hope this is original, that I haven't thought of this or said it before, but how much weight would your significant other have to gain in spite for no reason we're not talking about diabetes or health issues we're not talking about depression even we're not talking about any of that we're saying that your significant other for no reason at all and she admits it 100 is just eating ho-hos until she gains about 80 pounds because she's tired of holding back the waves she's tired of holding back the waves. She's tired of holding all that back.

She's going to embrace who she is. And this is who I am. This is my body, a woman's body, 212 pounds of it. At what point? Almost two women's bodies. I have to wonder, like, would I like it? Because I feel like if she was going to do that, then I would. It would be like a co-gift, right? Like, hey, we both turned 44 this year.

We're giving each other 80 pounds of allowance. We're just going to bulk the fuck up on ho-hos together and keep it as a partnership. That sounds awful. man there'd have to be a hard line at like 200 because that is a uh that's just kind of like psychologically like 200 pounds and you're a woman like we're talking about our significant other so melissa how much smaller taylor i weigh like in the 190s so almost so she's outweighing you at this point i think that's important because if you're if you're like a dude is 240 maybe it's not as psychologically insane if you're if your wife is 190 but if you're a buck 65 and your wife's 190 uh in her scooter or something well

it's also that melissa's like my significant other's like five five and thin and so imagining her getting all the way up to 200 pounds is like, that wouldn't be like someone my size gaining 90 pounds or 80 pounds. I think all three of us have significant others who are very slender. But it would be like, wait, what was the actual, was the question? How much would they have to gain? At what point are you like, look, I'm done here. I'm leaving you.

This is over. Yeah. And it's not for a medical issue. It's'm done here. I'm leaving you. This is over. You're done. Yeah, yeah. And it's not for a medical issue. It's just laziness. I'm going to say 200. Hard stop at 200. You should tell her that, and she should know that you love her. No, she should know that.

No. Oh, man. If I'm your girlfriend, and you tell me that I could plump on up to $1.95. Oh, God. I'm like, really? God, I love you, Taylor. Yeah. You were, what did he say to the Khaleesi?

You were the moon, the light of my. You're my sun and stars. My sun and stars. Like, you're her sun and stars at that point. If she could plump on up to a buck 95, I would be honest. Well, no, no, no. 200 is a hard stop. If you get to like 190 and then that sticks sticks around for eight months, that clock's ticking.

You're not moving down. At 190, maybe she needs to do something to offset it. Like, all right, 190, but I get breakfast and bed and sex every day, if you still want that. Then there could be something she could do to offset it. What if she makes a ton of money? It's like, all right, she's 190 pounds, but she's worth 10 million, and you get breakfast in bed. You be like i accept this package yeah i don't know if she's worth 10 million i

can deal with a lot of weight as a matter of fact i'll bring the food to you you stay in bed you want to get married you know i don't know if it's so much uh an actual number as it is when you start getting the look on your friend's faces when they see you together like that oh yeah like they start honestly feeling bad for you and oh oh guy there is definitely a number i i don't know i think my girlfriend's maybe 120 pounds at 150 it's there's something very wrong if she has you know if she's added 25 of her body weight to herself rapidly, then for the fun of it, it's like, you got to go. You got to go. There's no excuse to gain 25% of your body weight for no fucking reason.

I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't all of a sudden jump on up to like 240 pounds. Yeah, you know, math. I wouldn't do that. I think your percentage argument is probably the better way to go yeah as opposed to a hard number but i'm i don't want to take up any more time but that that makes sense woody the number that i leave her at i don't know leave her that you did you like come on kids get out of here before she could before she eats you too because this is

i'm really embedded like we've been together in apr. It'll be 25 years if you include the dating part. Or 26, I think. It's already 25. That's three pounds for you, huh? We've got two kids. I don't know. 145 pounds. How fat would your children have to get before you disown them?

Willy Wonka style where you're rolling them in the room. You roll them off of your giant estate. Fend for yourself, kids. Woody's a good guy. You could tell. He just would stay. He'd be the husband. We see them all the time in the store and out and about.

He would stay. He'd be bummed, but he couldn't say anything. He couldn't leave. So it would just kind of be like, ask my he couldn't say anything and couldn't leave so it just kind of be like ask my wife i've relegated myself to this we all had that friend when we were little who had like a cool dad but you'd go over to their house and you'd see like cool dad of like wow he lets us play like street hockey at night and he lets us do all this cool stuff and then this big you know enormous woman would come out just girthy and disgusting and be like this cool dad is married to that lady and then as soon as

she walks in the reality that he's experiencing of like i'm like a kid again too life's opportunities all these places i could go and then he sees his wife and that little spark of death of like this is the the dead sow that i've hitched my life to and now i can't leave like i'll never forget i was i was in like middle school or something probably like eight no ninth grade i was in ninth grade and uh we all like spent the night over at a friend's house and it was his birthday and his mom made two cakes there was one cake for the party and one cake for herself. Oh, God. Ken, you will never believe which one was the bigger cake. The one for her? The one for her.

Now, the one for the party was a layered cake. It was round and multiple layers frosted. It was done nicely. It was made to be a, oh, look at that nice cake. Yeah, let's all have a bit. The one she made for herself was a pancake. She took the same mix frosting and everything and in a pan that was like 13 inches from corner to corner she just made this huge sheet cake and all night throughout the night while we chilled out in

the living room played video games she made trips through back and forth into the kitchen with a heaping of cake and a glass of milk and she'd come back 20 minutes later with an empty plate, an empty glass of milk, and she'd fill on up again. And I just remembered thinking, like, there's not going to be any milk for us in the morning. There's going to be no cereal in the morning because she's drinking half a gallon. I bet she hates eating that cake.

I bet she hates, like, she knows what she's doing to herself. I assume she wasn't fit. Yeah, of course. That's the thing with, like, anytime someone... Yeah, yeah i made that assumption i guess i left that part out she was real she's a real big fat she was a great big fat person yeah yeah so you know like afterwards she's just hating herself for it like there's she has a psychological disease a mental illness that's causing her to do that yeah it's the same way like someone's doing, I don't know, drinking all day every day or doing heroin or something,

probably as they're shooting up, they're not like, ah, life's back on track. They're just thinking like, ah, you know, this will stave the pain away for a little longer, and then I'll deal with reality when it comes back. That's kind of what she's doing with kids. What do you think of that thing that heavy people say where they're like, ah, food addiction is the toughest one to kick

because you have to keep eating, right? You can give up heroin and then just remove it from your life. You can do that with cocaine. You can do it with whatever, cigarettes, et cetera. But you can't give up food and remove it from your life. You're giving up certain types of food. There aren't any fat people who like food more than me. There just aren't.

I crave food all the time. I like to cook. I like cheap bargain brand Taco Bell, and I like $100 fucking filet mignon. I love all't. I crave food all the time. I like to cook. I like cheap bargain brand Taco Bell and I like $100 fucking filet mignon. I love all food. It's delicious. I like sweet and sugary and salty and it all. I crave it. I crave it constantly. But I do my own fucking shopping and when I'm at the store

I don't go down the cookie aisle. Not once ever will I go down the cookie aisle. I might eat some junk occasionally and like, ah yeah I did some crazy last night. Went to Taco Bell. Got those Cinnabon fucking balls with the jizz frosting even worse so when you bite it just comes bukkake cinnamon rolls right right each and each and every one is busting a nut of deliciousness i ate the whole bag like you know but but i won't buy a big bag of chips ahoy i won't buy a big gallon of like sweet tea or something i drink soda but i mean you know i'm i'm bringing diet soda i love fucking

food but i don't i weigh 185 pounds and i'll never get above 200 pounds in my fucking life it'll never happen again because i put my foot down in a major way with that when i was i was like 220 pounds when i was hanging out with tay. That's insane for my, for my like building everything and my musculature. It's, it makes no sense for me to be 225. It's, it's outrageous. I don't know why fat people, fat people, it's looked at like, you know, you could be fat and happy and to say anything about them, uh, their health is, uh, bad to do it's body shaming or, uh, what have you, you but it you could absolutely bring up the medical consequences of anorexia and say that's a mental disorder you have a problem you need uh help but fat people it's like oh you can't say that to me that's um not pc because there are so many fat

people maybe there are so many of them that of them that once you get enough of those people together, they just start getting shit done. It can't be a disorder anymore. It has to be just part of the human experience. If we're all this bad at eating, it can't be an endemic problem. Then it can't be bad. Then it's normal. That happens quite a bit. You hear people say, I'm fat and happy.

I just want to be happy and eat whatever I want. I've never met anyone, and maybe there's someone out there i sincerely doubt it but i've never met anybody who lost a bunch of weight who used to be really heavy who told me nah i kind of like to be in fat everyone is like oh my god i woke up every morning and i hated myself and i looked in the mirror and i thought you stupid idiot and i'd go drown my sorrows in a bunch of pancake batter and then the next morning i wake up and do it again then when i finally got it on track i felt like i had my life back like that's what the answer you get it's never no i was happy being borderline immobile and having people not be as attracted to me and me not

liking the way i look in clothes like that's that's the biggest way you can find out you're getting fat quick is if regular people clothes start to look bad on you, where you put on an unfitted medium shirt, and you're like, oh, Jesus, look at these lumps. This is disgusting. I got to get this out of here. I had a dream about being too fat last night, I think. I dreamed I was in a UFC fight that I had to make 170, which is 35 pounds under me.

And I'm there in the sauna cutting weight with all the other UFC fighters. And, you know, the one guy is trying to cut 15. The other guy is trying to cut 20. And I'm trying to cut 35. And they're all like, oh, sucks to be you. Yeah, you're too fat. You can't fight in that weight class. Like could you get him to agree to the next weight class?

And I'm like 185. How much do you think my hand weighs? I don't think I can make 185 either. You know, I'm just fucked in this situation. I don't know what I'm like 185 I don't think I can make 185 either you know I'm just fucked in this situation I don't know what I'm gonna do and that was like the big stress sort of conflict of the dream that I had even like Joe Lozon was there

and he's like trying to be a friend to me and everything but he's like ah Woody 35 pounds no not gonna happen couldn't cut it gotta cut an arm off to get there buddy it's not gonna like a 7 Couldn't cut it? Got to cut an arm off to get there, buddy. It's not going to work. Like in Seven. Like a leg.

Man, that was an upsetting scene in Seven when that lawyer had to cut off like five pounds of fat in his office or otherwise they would I guess kill him.

Yeah. I did a break on the show. I have been for like a year. There's this girl on YouTube and they just had a an article about her in a couple of the news um sites that there's a petition to have her taken off of youtube because she's anorexic she goes on she does these fun happy dumb you know those youtube videos from youtube stars that are actually doing nothing, but they're popular.

And I said a year ago, I'm like, we are watching a girl dying on YouTube and no one's doing anything about it. They sometimes question her, her, her loss of weight, but it's always, Oh, stop body shaming.

She looks great. I, and she is literally dying of anorexia she looks worse now than she did a year ago and she looked terrible a year ago so um what's her name uh eugenia skeletor e-u-g eugenia cooney and it is hard to watch she is so emaciated. Oh, shit. Yeah. Oh, this is high-level anorexia. Oh, yeah.

And she'll just talk about, well, my mom's going to dress me up like the Little Mermaid today, and she's 22 and completely anorexic. And if you talk about her being anorexic, her fans will just yell at you for body shaming. And they're saying that uh people that are spreading the petition around we're saying she's influencing young girls to become

anorexic i don't know if that's true but or whether she should be taken off the air or not but i think our mother should be arrested for child abuse yeah that's definitely fucked or i guess if she's 22 yeah there's nothing really she could do, but I don't think she lost that weight in two years. She's turning around. I can see her legs now. She is very thin. Oh, yeah, it's ghastly.

This is, oh, man. This person is a size that if you learned that they died tomorrow, you would be, if you know her, you'd obviously be sad, but you wouldn't be surprised. You'd be like, well, that was bound to happen like this is and of course of course my audience i bring it up and do it and then later on in the night there were photoshops they took her uh cut her out of her pictures transferred her black and white and then threw her in auschwitz uh because they are horrid people this is like if they had a channel

where it's like hey it's just alcoholic guy 37 I woke up shaking at 4am so I thought I would do another vlog where I down a bunch of vodka and try and pass out and no one's doing anything about it her mom is a

plump woman too and yeah it'll just end up i guarantee i will just read an article say oh that girl that they were talking about the petition everything yeah she's dead she died of organ failure or something and we're watching it as uh you know social media just sitting there watching a girl dying it's amazing what do you call call a... I can't get over this. I don't know. We're laughing. Dude, she's Alshowitz watching her die. Oh, yeah, it's terrible.

She's wearing size zero stuff. I'm sorry, Kyle. What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection? Flat bread. A quarter pound of cheese. I don't know. It's so loose on her. And I don't hear the audio, but I'm watching the video.

I'm imagining she's very happy, Hal. Very happy. Always up and bubbly and having a great time. Yeah. She just vomited right before she came on. Yeah. Well, maybe not vomited. She's not bulimic.

She just doesn't eat. Who knows? Who knows if she's bulimic or not? Eugenia, if you happen to catch this, I promise you, even if you put on some weight, you would look better. You would look super hot. More guys would like you than, or people or whatever than now. Definitely, if you put on some weight, you would look better.

We want you to gain some weight because right now you don't look good. Your body needs fat to survive. People should laugh at you when you walk down the street looking like that, and I think you'd plump up a little. Maybe fat shaming doesn't work. Maybe if every time you see a fat guy and you scream, hey fatty, why don't you do something?

In his head he's like, I am doing something. I'm walking down the street right now. Why can't I ever get a fucking step ahead? But with this skinny chick, if you're like, hey, go eat a fucking donut you asshole like maybe she will because isn't she wanting like a positive body image to begin with maybe a little shaming would do the trick yeah i'm guessing in her head she doesn't see that she's gone too far no they got like body dysmorphia and they think they look fat and

what's more important to an individual like that i'm asking for real because i don't know is it is it her own self-image of herself or everyone else's uh image of her does she care more about how she's seen or how she sees herself because they have yeah they perceive themselves incorrectly and i think that they also have a false perception of how other people see them so they don't think like oh man i think i look fat but everybody else is telling me i'm thin they're thinking oh i know that i'm fat and i know that these people are just calling me thin to make me feel better they they know that i haven't reached my goal yet like i know i have to stick with this like it is a mental disorder i don't know if that's the thought process because i'm not interested inorexic but it's definitely fucked up. Yeah, this is an upsetting YouTube channel.

I'm looking around. I know, right? Isn't it? Oh. Too skinny. Too skinny. You look ill. We were worried about you.

You look like you're going to die. That's got to cause organ damage, like being that low of a body fat count as a woman. You're supposed to be 20% fat, and you're like 20% bone. You're all calcium, woman. What and you're like 20 bone you're all calcium woman what are you doing yeah yeah here's a try not to laugh challenge where she's sitting next to a normal sized guy look at this look at just the way that she looks compared to a guy's normal try not to laugh yourself to death should be the title of that video if you get too loud

look that thumbnail makes her look worse than the video i was watching earlier and i think if i punched her in the arm at three quarters strength it would snap yeah like look at that right do you remember what gollum's fingers look like when he's looking for the ray and gnarled each knuckle big and bulging each knot as he grabs that fish and he does a little song and he and he bites into it like that. She has hands of that level of skinny. If you just cropped out her hands and you told me these are the hands of a 92-year-old woman, I would believe you. That's terrible.

My God. And her mom is okay with this? Hopefully she's not okay, but she's enabling this? Yeah, nothing's ever said. Your daughter's going to die. I don't think they should take her YouTube channel away because it's her fucking YouTube channel. But someone should get into her life and maybe catch her with a big...

The guys with those white jumpsuits and the big net, they need to go over there. Somebody needs to grab this chick and put her somewhere. If this was a video chronicling her fall into methamphetamine abuse and it just became crazy how dangerous her body was breaking down

people in her life would get in there and intervene and be like this needs to be fixed because if we don't do something even if you don't want to do it you will die and we care about you enough we don't want you to die it's gross like they need to be doing it maybe maybe we don't want to say that maybe that's not a nice thing to say about a woman but is she she's gross i saw that yeah yeah but that's gross. She can do something about it. Like, she's a cute girl. If she had weight on her, she'd be beautiful. So saying she's gross like this, that's, yeah, that's true.

The back of her hands are those of, like, a 75-year-old woman. Like, it's all veiny. Yeah, all, like, valleys and peaks just wrapped around vein and bone. You're naturally attracted to people who are healthy. And so that's why when you see someone who's clearly very ill or is like so overweight they can't walk or is so skinny that they don't have enough body fat to clearly get pregnant or have a kid or procreate, do whatever. Your body's naturally just like, I'm not attracted to that. I'm attracted to suitable mates that I can procreate with. Yeah, I'm as turned off to that as I am like a cobra in a tree.

Like evolution is saying run. Evolutionist saying run! It's saying run and don't eat what she eats! Which is nothing. Don't eat a grain of rice. Bad berries or something. Alright, let me give everyone a word from one of our sponsors. How about Squarespace? Yeah, we just want

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Get your cool glasses today. Look badass. Like me. Like contact lenses on that enormous skull of yours. God, my head. It's in a league of its own. I paid double

at the barber. Not because of my thick hair. The landscape she has to cover. But, uh... Did you ever have to get a helmet in sports or anything? No. No, that's not true. That's a lie. In eighth grade, I had to return my football

helmet because it didn't fit and i had to get the extra large um isn't that the worst pain ever did you suffer through wearing a too small football helmet before like someone got you that i was like man football really hurts all the time did you go a full day did you like do a full practice with a too small a week oh my god it gave it gave me the worst headache i've had in my entire life. I still remember being a kid and being like, this thing is squeezing my goddamn skull too hard and it hurts at every point of my skull right now. It's

crushing my skull. Make it stop. And they were like, yeah, you get used to it. Get a few good hits in. You won't think about it no more. And I was like, that's all I can think about because it's my brain. My brain is in pain. It's totally focused on this. Our coach was literally retarded.

He had been hit in the head with an aluminum baseball bat five years prior, suffered major brain injury, and wasn't all there anymore. And he was our coach. He'd forget to give us water. It was outrageous. And I told my parents, and they're like, that's football, son. It's a heart. My dad doesn't sound like that.

But whatever. He's like, yeah, that's football. It's a heart sport. It's a rootin' time. Yee-haw. You know, like a costed sound. Yee-haw. He's twirling a lasso as he does it.

I never played football because I didn't hit puberty until super late and as like 106 pounder i'm like fuck football this i have no interest in this this anthony were you a sports guy oh my god i was so not i never understood like when school would end at three o'clock whatever the hell it it was, and I would go to walk to the bus or walk home and I'd look at the field, the track and the football field and everything and see people there in uniform doing something. I'd be like, why aren't they going home? Why would you want to stay any later than you had to? You could get home to a television or your friends or toys or something. understood it so i never ever

went out for sports i know your dad was a very interesting character did he ever pressure you into it or was he always just no he didn't i don't think he necessarily equated sports with being a man like he was just very you know you had to be a man don't don't cry don't do that be a man but it was never a sports thing. He was just more like, if someone's bugging you, pick up a big stick and crack them on the head kind of thing. That's interesting. Taylor, or Woody maybe, did either of you ever have a moment where your father had like a be a man type story? Like you did A and B, and he was like, ah, you should have gotten to C, but you didn't.

Next time, be a man. And he was like, ah, you should have gotten to C, but you didn't. Next time, be a man. Like, was there anything like that where he thought you needed to toughen up or do a thing better because you just weren't living up to his potential? I remember so many times playing goalie in ice hockey, and I would let one in that I probably should have had if I was squared up and playing right. And I'd have to, like, in hockey, like, you're there. So you're a little set in soccer, the other sports where there isn't plexiglass between you.

The parents can yell reasonably loud loud and you can hear them hockey they have to scream so much that it resonates throughout the arena to get you to hear it so so many times i just remember like letting one in and being like please no please no and i'd hear just get your head in the game i'd just be like oh oh, dad. You know, like, oh, that was definitely my bad. Now you're shaking. Yes. Oh, no, I'm nervous. But, yeah, that was just the motivation I needed, you know?

I didn't need someone to coddle me and say, oh, did that goal go by you? Was that one pretty quick? You know, oh, like, you wouldn't get any better. You need that tough love sometimes, especially with sports, because sports is a meritocracy. And you need that level any better you need that tough love sometimes especially with sports because sports is a meritocracy and you need that level of you know if somebody does badly in the nfl nhl nba they don't go lebron have you been have you been feeling depressed again i know we've discussed this before they go hey this is your fucking job get it done and uh you know i like to think i was good enough at 16 that it applied to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. I'm the main focus. There was never like I wasn't being manly enough. I do remember one time I was being bullied by a group of people, and my father had my brother, who was two years older, drive me to school with a baseball bat. They're like, hey, fuck with your brother. You've got to hit him with this bat. You do whatever you've got to do.

The trouble was, I'm not sure we'd win right like what like oh great you changed it from a four on one to a two on one or a four and two are we winning now like i don't know and then like the toughest of them was probably equivalent to my brother or something i know he's two years older and stuff but i'm not getting bullied by pussies, right? Because that's not a problem. I'm getting bullied by fucking big fucking bullies. That's the situation. Yeah. So it's like, well, I'm glad that you gave

my brother permission to beat him up and everything, but I don't know if the permission was the problem all along. You know, we weren't showing great restraint. Yeah. So, and then, you know, he couldn't drive me home because he went to another school in the afternoon and it's like oh this is even solving things because i'm feeling really vulnerable on the walk home here and that's like that's like when the in world war in world war ii and the p51s

could defend the bombers on the way to the target but not the way back perfect now you're just at the yeah at least i had a bike before where i got home quicker you know it was a little tougher to hunt me out in the 12 minutes it took me to get there now it's like a 60 minute walk home because i don't have a bike anymore and uh it's fucking yeah i think now about like the bullies that you know i'm sure the bully there's the same sort of thing but like i remember i ride my boat home from bike home from school and the bullies would take their car and steer over the curb onto the driveway and come out and like and i'm like backing up on my bicycle furiously which isn't very fast you know and they're like surrounding me and now they're like

pushing me around i'm like trying to find that break where i could maybe ride my bike again and get a little distance and i don't know how it's gonna work out they have a car but like you know nowadays they're like oh yeah there's name for gump your childhood i wish i can't run for shit yeah i'd not build for running but imagine you throwing rocks i just like i don't know. People, let me know. Are people still driving their car off the road onto the sidewalk to bully people? Because my bullies didn't fuck around.

I mean if I see a kid who needs a little bullying. I'll tell you. If that kid isn't as tough as he could be, you pull over, you teach him a lesson, and the world's a little better. I don't think he cries on the way home. You guys have all heard me tell this story once where I gave the overhand right like i saw it on tv i hit the guy we were all in the uh outside the locker room like for gym class and and i've told the story like four times i bloodied his nose and he had a white t-shirt he was one of the guys in the car but he was fucking with me without his friends and that's when i hit him but uh so it wasn't like a big pussy or anything i was just in situations that were hard to deal with i needed more than permission to beat

them up like yeah but your parents were like anthony i'm imagining i know that your dad probably would have given you like a big pat on the back if he heard you got in a brawl and defended yourself did you ever have to do something like that yeah i i was uh i i think i i might have told this on this show but i've told it on my show i i got in a fight with um boomer esiason who was the uh when i was in fifth grade i was uh we were both going to timber point elementary school uh he he never liked being called Norman even back then. He was Boomer and his name's Norman. And I called him Norman. One of his friends saw that I was the one that yelled, hey, Norman, around the corner and told Boomer. And he was going to kick my ass after

school. And we meet up after school. I square off and I throw a punch right into his forehead and later i will learn that i i broke the ulna and radius my arm broke on boomer's head and he dispatched me quite quickly after that how tall was he how tall was he then he was a big fucking guy like six five or something and he was a bully he would go around and fart in people's faces in the cafeteria. And he was the gym teacher's pet. Always great at every sport. Played way too hard for some of the kids. You know, defense.

He'd smack people down on the ground. And, yeah, I knew I wasn't going to win. I didn't think I'd break my arm hitting you you thought he'd do that for you golf outing a few years ago and brought it up and it was kind of funny uh you know did you remember now but boy it was serious then did he did you remember the whole incident oh yeah yeah yeah we both oh that's awesome was he surprised that it was you and that or did he remember you from school? Yeah, yeah.

He remembered everything. It was a very small little community in East Islip, Long Island. And yeah, we all used to hang out, ride bicycles together and shit like that. So yeah, that was strange. We had two elite athletes in my grade. One's name was Doug Coleman. He ended up playing in the NFL for like six years or something. Close to that.

And another one was Pat Lynch, and he was a wrestler. He had like a hundred match wrestling win streak, which is a lot. A hundred. He won states as a freshman, sophomore, and junior. But not a senior because he went up like three weight classes and just started wrestling with gigantic fucks and neither of them were bullies in the slightest i always admired them i used to talk to god and be like dude you should have blessed me with that kind of size because i would be a defender of the small like i would i would be exactly what

you want like these guys were good role like i'd be a doug coleman or pat lynch i wouldn't be you know fucking howard the jackass who was also large and you know like i just like man like i should have been given this size i would have done good with it like done good deeds with it good deeds yes but i i wasn't gifted with size you think that right but but i mean i was used your superpowers what you know it's hard to say right it's it's you you think the best of yourself but power corrupts right like if you were actually superman wouldn't you just take over and be god of planet earth i don't think I'd feel like it. Oh, I would for sure.

You know how long humans would have an autonomous system of government after Superman and Taylor showed up? It would be in the minutes. Where it would be like, I'd pick one country that nobody cares for that much, like North Korea. I'd just fly in, and in about 45 seconds, every TV station in the world is looking at North Korea and the carnage. And then you see Kim Jong Il's head held up by me. And I say, you're all next unless you listen. And I did this to the shitty guys, but I will do it to you too, Russia and USA and China. It'll take longer a little bit.

But for the most part, you're listening to me now. And everybody will go, you know, it seems like God is here. It seems like God has arrived, and that's what would happen. It wouldn't be like, wow, it's just like the comics. People would be getting on their knees praying, tearing their clothes and weeping, being like, I'm so sorry. I didn't live life the way I should have, God. That's what it would be. Super me wouldn't be the me that I want to be right

like the me I want to be is I just run around doing good deeds I'm literally like as pure as Superman making everything as great as it can be I mean I'm just one guy the actual me would be real inconsistent they're like Woody I don't get it like you helped

us save that one girl and now we need you to save 100, and you're like, fuck it, I'm mowing the yard, and I like this? Where are your priorities? How long does it take you to mow the yard at this point, though? You can do it like a second, right? I think I'd do it the same way.

I don't know. This is what it would be. It would be a voucher system. So I'd be a benevolent dictator. It'd be a voucher system by country. They get three every year off the bat. They can say, hey, we're having a huge problem with an energy crisis. We just had an oil rig destroyed, so we need you to dive down, re-bore that hole real quick. Here's one of our vouchers for 2017. And I go, here you go. Thank you. You can earn another one if you get along

nicely with everybody else. And if you do these trade deals or whatever, and you get along, and we stay peaceful, everybody gets a free voucher at the end of the year if there's no war. Like a freebie. And that's how... People would really very quickly get in line, I think. Because if they got out of line, I'd go, Oh, Syria. Oh, man. Are you all out of vouchers this year? Maybe act up less next year.

And it would pan out. This is so not Superman. I would be an evil Superman as well. But it's not Superman. This is like a global Hitler. Yeah, Hitler with superpowers. This is bizarro Superman, and I'm going to do what I want. Yeah, I would definitely take over.

I'd definitely consolidate world power. And, you know, maybe I'd do a little good here and there. But at first, I'd just make a big showing of putting everyone in their place. You know, like you're saying pick North Korea, but maybe we could use North Korea. There's a lot of people there that are currently unmotivated. Let's get somebody we don't even care about like Estonia. What do they even do in Estonia? Let's glass it with our laser eyes so there's nothing left and leave it as an example for the rest of the world.

Maybe, but we need something impactful if you woke up tomorrow and heard man you hear about estonia whole place is gone dozens dead you'd be like man that sucks i wonder if there's going to be traffic on the way to work like but you know other i mean i'm sure there i guarantee there's a couple estonians listening to this who are like that is not very fair very fair. We provide all of the world's Toblerones to them, and so very quickly you'd realize none of our triangular candies are in your store anymore.

Oh, you think you can get your nougat fix anywhere until all Toblerones off the shelves. You know, you should not go to Germany trying to have them make it. They'll fuck it up. You know what I mean? Subpar Swiss chocolatiers. Anthony, how would you be Superman? I don't know.

I think start off pretty benevolent to get people all on your side. You don't want to have to be looking over your shoulder. Even though you're Superman, like a fearful population, I don't think they're going to work with you. So you bamboozle them into being good by being kind of just what regular Superman was, and then you slowly start taking advantage of that. First with chicks, and then maybe a cool thing. But what does Superman really need besides power?

Money. Like a cool car? Where does he get the stuff? Does he be like, look guys, I do a lot of good deeds, but I sure wish I had the new microphone. How does he get that? Does Shur just be like, oh, I guess we'll cough one up?

It would be really fun, though, to have a shitty job. No, if I'm Superman, I'm going to be rich. I'm going to be a news reporter for one of the biggest... Oh, I see what you're saying. But are we talking about actual Superman or you as Superman? You as Superman have got a job and shit. I guess what I'm saying is, like, if I'm Superman, I also want to be super rich.

Like, that's just part of the deal, right? I don't want to be trying to get by on a junior reporter's salary, whatever that is. Fuck that. No, no, no. Like, look. salary whatever that is that fuck that no no no like look it you know what you do is you fly into warren buffett's house on periscope crush his head with your palm and you go hi i'm warren buffett does anyone have a problem with it use it like a puppet just stick your hand right in the back of warren buffett's skull all of my belongings just to. Oh, you do? You do? Does everybody see that?

Is anybody a problem? Speak now. I'm a registered notary. I could see it. And you stamp it with her face. Some bleeding heart in San Diego would say at the time, this is bullshit. He can't treat us like this.

And I just look up and go, boom. And one bolt of light goes out, and then that guy just evaporates off the streets and everybody knows because they heard him bad mouth like that yeah it would be like nobody could really fuck with you right and that's what superman is he's a god so can you even starve to death what's that can you starve to death does he need like food i i don't know i want to go back to anthony though because anthony was saying it doesn't matter what you do to him he'll just come back like you can make him sick you can make him him. He'll just come back. You can make him sick.

You can make him feel bad. But eventually he'll just come back unless you cut his fucking head off with a kryptonite suit. I want to get back to what Anthony was saying about your number one thing would be girls. Yeah, at first it's like, first of all, because it's me as Superman, I would do all the immature stuff using the x-ray vision to look through locker room walls and things. using the x-ray vision to look through locker room walls and things and then i get like the fastest car ever made and drive it right into a wall at full speed just because it would be fun but you're superman so you don't get hurt or anything uh yeah that kind of stuff i think would uh you know because it's still me but i'm superman i think it might be fun to like keep it under wraps that your superman still had the secret identity,

but have your secret identity be just a fucking cool job, like a baseball player. Just hold it back. You don't have to hit the ball so hard it disappears in outer space. Just fucking hit a few dingers. Your clock in home runs is like a fucking, you're the best

ever. He can do time travel, right? He quickly figured that out because they'd be like, and coming up next to bat, we have Kyle Myers for the Atlanta Braves. His 70th season in Major League Baseball still looks the same as the day he showed up, breaking all the records, looks healthy.

Can you believe he's 141 years old? 141, looks like he's 29. They try to pitch around you every time, but you just reach out and smack him. Yeah, right. I thought, like, if I could control time, the shit that I could do with that. Like, I even thought, like, I could be a pro gamer, right? And even at my skill level, which now is even worse than ever been, if I could just back up time and try again,

I could eventually make it through a whole weekend without a single death. I'd be the best pro gamer ever. Complete waste of time travel. Set those sights high. I was about to say, you are really setting the bar low. Can you try video games? I could win hundreds of dollars at GameStop. I know, I know, I know.

It's a waste of time. But go back. I could be the best NHL goalie ever. I could go a whole season at GameStop. I know, I know, I know. It's a waste of time. But, like, go back. I could be the best NHL goalie ever. I could go a whole season without one getting by me. If I had time travel, I'd just work it out. Like, all right. Like, I can stop them all giving enough tries. So that's all you would do is you would play in the NHL,

and after every game you'd be like, damn, let one by. Going to redo that game. Right on the spot. As soon as one gets by. You better have reaction times? That way you can't die too. You know what would be fucked up, though? People would go, like, god damn, that was a great game.

You were fucking amazing. What a great time we had tonight. And you'd go, tonight, that was five years for me, that game. Five goddamn years. It turns out I am not a very good goalie. I had to rewind time a lot of times. This would have been a totally different game in one hour. Everything looks all fuzzy.

Notice how everyone in the stands is a little older. You only get like what? 25, 35 shots a night? It seems like you can stop them. Yeah. And you'd be fast, right? Just by issue of like... I'm on my 50th hour

of Battlefield 1. I'm up to 50 hours. I'm digging it, man. I'm playing the multiplayer. I haven't played the campaign at all. But I'm liking the huge fucking maps. Playing Conquest and Domination. What class do you play the most?

I play Support. With the 1909, but named MLC, telescopic sight machine machine gun it's pretty i'm getting pretty good with it and i'm just digging i like that you're not seeing through walls to hit people i don't like too many fancy gadgets that don't really exist you know seeing having a radar where everyone is for no apparent reason i like archaic, undependable weapons that have to be bolted back. Sometimes after every shot, like it takes you back a little bit and it's, it's a fucking cool game.

I'm really digging it. All right. So I got to get my son to play enough to open the weapons that you use and then I'll join in. Yeah. That game is, that weapon's pretty good because initially you're left with, you're given some real crap.

And, yeah. And I like the fact that the screams are great, bodies flying, destructible environment. Incendiary grenades are so much fun to watch somebody just, ah! And you shoot them. The horrors of war are really fun when they're in a game. Dude, the opening scene, right? So I go in, and if you haven't played Battlefield 1, tell me

if I did something wrong, but you go in and you play as a player, right? And they're coming at you and you play until you die. And I don't think it's even possible to succeed. No, you do. You play until you fucking die. And then they're like, alright, so that's what it's like to be this guy. Now you can be a tank driver, and you hop

in the tank and you do whatever, and then eventually you fuck that up, and he's dead too. And then they're like, how would you like to be an airplane pilot? You fuck that up, and he dies too. They're like, you gotta push forward. Don't let him come. Don't let him come. I can't stop them from coming.

I go behind this wall and back up a little bit. Like, this is my best one yet. I've been alive for like six minutes, and then I die. And I'm like, I don't even know what I'm supposed to do. I just suck at this game. But I think the opening is just to show you this is hopeless. This is tragic. It's horrible.

And fuck you. It gives you a little experience with some of the other weapons and uh vehicles and stuff like that it's uh it i really like it though uh i think it's well well made that opening scene where you just i'm like am i supposed to learn something in addition to the fact that i suck or just that i suck like what is the lesson that we're covering here i don't even know. But it's really sad. The worst part of starting a new game is you suck at it so

bad that it takes forever to get your KD up after you start getting better at a new game. I have a solution for that. I'm going to share my account with my son and blame it on him. So I will never be accountable for my own stats.

We're playing together. You really should start a shitty beginner account and then go to the different account to get once you're good and keep that up. But, you know, people, they always say KD isn't the most important thing, you know, especially with things like domination and shit. You've got to be a team player. But man, it's the only thing people fucking look at. The thing about it is I thought

score per minute was the battlefield metric. Am I crazy? I don't know. Everyone has been telling me I suck because I'm at like 6.5,.65. And it's because I was trying out new weapons and I'm pretty new to the game. And that seems to be what people want to look at.

But now you're so much in death debt that you have to become a fantastic player for a good while just to become average again. You don't look like a fucking lump of shit, right? Yeah, COD 4 was where I did that. I was at 1.5 negative 5,000 deaths, and I just crawled back for months. You know, every night I would grind away. negative 5,000 deaths. And I just crawled back for months. You know, just every night I would grind away and be like,

all right, tonight I got like 112 off that. You know, tomorrow we'll do another until I become a positive player. Yeah, that ruined the fun of a couple Call of Duties for me when I had a lot of friends who were playing too, and you just have this like dick measuring KD contest where it's like, oh, what's your KD? Well, my KD is like 2.1 because I just played domination and never helped my allies and just sit back

and shoot on B Dom the entire game. And it's like, wow, you must be pretty good. And then usually the guy with like a 1.2 KD is actually the guy who's good because he's running and gunning. Holding B Dom is one thing, but a lot of these guys he just worked the edges of the map. I try to play

the least important areas in all of domination and just catch people from the side flanking them and doing shit and it's like, no, you're playing team deathmatch in domination. No wonder your KD is high. And you think you're good, but you're not. You're just picking on people who are trying to win the game,

acting like you're worth a shit. It's a bunch of blindside kills. Just a guy with a shitty KD. But the good win-loss. That's exactly what they were saying. My win-loss was horrific in every Call of Duty because I had no qualms with quitting five, six games in a row if just something that I kind of didn't like happened. I like oh of course yeah i get shot with a shotgun right off

the bat bullshit you know when really in like your head your heart of hearts like that's not unreasonable you're just not that great but yeah yeah i rarely quit and all my win losses were i shit yeah i think you'd see these online and see if i'm lying but i think it's over three in most of the cods and and that's worth something because like you join games these online and see if I'm lying, but I think it's over three in most of the CODs. And that's worth something, because you join games midway and just take losses that aren't your fault and stuff like that. Yeah, I never cared too much about win-loss.

All about that KD. We can whip the KD out anywhere. No context needed. It's like all these stats in the political realm where anybody can grab the stat they want and make it, but really, like, my KD's 2.1. Don pay attention that i only you know you know my my character has ran three miles in my five prestiges and i'm just really sitting behind a bunker but yeah so speaking of the politics thing anthony i know you're doing uh chiz mentioned that you were doing a huge

bonanza for the election like a live stream of it oh yeah star-studded uh election coverage i'm calling us your election headquarters because i stole that from fox just lately stealing their shit uh yeah we're we're doing something we did the debates we uh covered uh the debates live uh and now we're doing the election from 8pm next Tuesday till it's done we are doing a marathon don't care how long it takes it could be several days

several months something like that but we are going to be on till damn it somebody is the new president it should be crazy it's me, Gavin McGinnis Pat Dixon Louder with Crowder who's going to be checking in It should be crazy. It's me, Gavin McGinnis, Pat Dixon, Louder with Crowder,

who's going to be checking in with us on Skype. Nick DiPaolo is a great comic. And a bunch of people calling in and Skyping in throughout the festivities of the night. But I can't wait till this is over. It's been dominating our lives for a year and a half, and it's fucking time. Now, you're a Second Amendment guy. Are you a Trump guy? Yeah, I'm not so much a Trump guy.

I hate Hillary Clinton, hate her, and I like the idea that Trump is a complete protest vote. And then people go, well, why don't you vote for one of the other candidates, the independent for a protest? I like a protest vote that is akin to there's a let's say because politicians like this. Let's say there's a guy at the office who is feels he's entitled to the CEO position and the board better make him CEO because he's entitled. He's been with the company this long and everything. And the board is so sick of every CEO fucking them over the years. So what they do is they make the mail clerk CEO. It makes the guy, the guy that was entitled, think how bad did we fuck up that they made him the ceo and that's exactly what the trump vote is it's showing the politicians we're so sick of you

that we're willing to put this lunatic in the white house because you have fucked us so badly i'm on board with that yeah that's a president analogy that's a cogent point and I like it I have no argument against that I think he's batshit crazy but I think he's the perfect monkey wrench to throw into the whirring gears of the machine every time I go to 538 Trump's odds have gotten better I see now he's

taking Florida as I record this he's up in Virginia in some bullshit poll oh yeah he's crazy I don't know if he's going to win or not. Look at the front page right now. There's like, look, every day there's like three more things that are like that you hear more about the FBI, the foundation or her emails. It's every single day. It's not new things.

It's three things again. It's just like, you know, like. Well, I never know. I never know what to take from it because like I look at this story. Like what did this just say? It was something that sounded important, but don't know let's see um fox news confirms fbi has been investigating the clinton foundation for a year a quote active and aggressive investigation that's been ongoing the department of justice tried to force the fbi to destroy laptops the

fbi refused and says immunity deals are void if anyone lied during the interviews like i don't know if that's relevant and crazy. Like, oh my God, can you believe this? Or if that's just old news. Here's the three stories about Clinton. The stories are she had a private email server and perhaps was careless with classified information. That's one.

Another is she had a Clinton Foundation and money came in it through all kinds of sources, including foreign governments where exactly did that go and did it enrich the clintons personally and the other is hey she makes a bundle of money doing private speeches for companies like goldman sachs are we to believe that goldman sachs are such poor businessmen that they just keep giving her 650 000 again and again without a return on investment you You know, right. They really like entertaining their buddies with that rousing comedy troupe.

So those are the three stories and they just run them again and again and again and again and again and again. And maybe they're worthy of running. Maybe they're worthy of completely sinking her. When I talk with you guys, I'm typically defending Hillary because you're the pro Trump guys. When I talk with Jackie, I'm often on the other side and're the pro-Trump guys. When I talk with Jackie, I'm often on the other side. And like I'll wake up and I'll be like, she's like, goddamn, you know, like, is his name Comey? You know, Comey reopened the investigation to the emails. This doesn't seem fair.

He's trying to influence the election. And I'm like, don't forget, this is all happening to her because she's a cunt, right? Like the fundamental reason all this is happening is that she truly is a cunt you know and then i'll just go through you know what you know how comey wouldn't have to investigate it if she didn't intentionally hide tens of thousands of documents i don't know more about this cunt talk i i like her what he's going to see where you're heading with this like i told her this and she's like no no no you only think she's a cunt because they tell you to think that right for 25 years now they've been after her making you think she's a cunt because they tell you to think that, right? For 25 years now, they've been after her, making you think she's a cunt. And I'm like, I don't know, honey, I think it's because of the things that she did. Like, that's what it is in my mind. I'm like,

look, the Republicans hate Obama at least as much as they hate Hillary, right? And the things that I keep hearing about Hillary are the three, money for speeches, Clinton Foundation slush fund, and mishandling classified documents. The things I hear about Obama doing that are so crooked is like not being born here, right? Is it possible that the reason... You don't have to love Obama. I know Anthony Comey doesn't

love Obama, but it must be that ethically he's better than Hillary Clinton because they're not really getting shit on him. They hate Obama just as much as they do her, but ethically, that better than Hillary Clinton because they're not really getting shit on him. They hate Obama just as much as they do her, but ethically, that's not his weak point. I think ethically the guy's pretty good. No, no, I don't think ethically, unless you look at the bigger picture, like I believe that Barack Obama wants to take the U.S. down a couple of notches and has been covertly undermining our best

interests on the world stage. That's an ethics kind of a proposal, but it's not a provable thing that he did. Yeah, we'd have to find some documents where they're outlining some grand strategy to accomplish it. But then there's the lying, the blatant lying about health care and the cost of it. I mean, it was known, the Republicans kept saying over and over how expensive this Obamacare would get and what it would end up being. Unbelievable premiums, deductibles, increases year after year. They said, no, no, no, it's not going to be like that, along with the keep your

own doctor and health plan if you want to. And then it turns out it's not going to be like that, along with the keep your own doctor and health plan if you want to. And then it turns out it's exactly what the critics said it was going to be. And it's costing a lot of money. And it was his plan. So a couple of things on Obamacare. Healthcare was skyrocketing before Obamacare, right? So we're not really comparing this year to last year. We're comparing this year to an alternate universe in which there was no Obamacare, and that's hard to do. But it was definitely skyrocketing with or without Obamacare. And I really like the idea that lots of people are forced to buy their own insurance. I hated that there was a whole class of people that we just knew didn't buy insurance, went to the hospital, got treated, and fucked the hospital.

That was like a normal way to – But they're still not paying for the insurance. They are. We are through tax dollars. So now that they're being forced to buy insurance – no, they're being forced to get insurance at our dime. So that still doesn't even quite work. You have to go pretty low in income to find people who aren't actually paying something toward it. Yeah, yeah. It's subsidized.

I'm with you. But they're subsidizing partial subsidies to some people that don't. The forcing us to buy insurance makes the insurance companies go, well, now we can do whatever the fuck we want and raise the premiums again. When my insurance would get too high,

I would look for a different insurance company you can still do that that's what people did now you're forced to buy insurance at whatever fucking rate they want to charge you it's uh it's yeah well a lot i think like their basic plan initially was like all right premiums are going to be higher for everyone because we're having to include people who can't contribute any money so you have to increase it as the level bar for everyone and they basically were saying or no i think this is the plan though that they were going to raise the premiums and to get people to buy in they had to say hey you have to pay this penalty in taxes if you don't sign up for this program and the premiums were so inordinately expensive and the deductibles for

those plans were so high that people were like I'm not, it's going to cost me way more money to get this plan that I can't use because I can't afford this enormous deductible than it would be for me just to pay this $600 tax fine. And so basically they were hoping to kind of pilfer money from young people who are working who are paying a lot more. A young guy like me is paying way more into healthcare than I'm taking out because I'm a young man. I don't take much out. So I'm just a gold plan for an insurance company. So what they're

doing is hoping that I take that higher premium pay into a system that I'm not going to get to pull out of and they can redistribute that money among people who can't afford their own plans. And that's not working because people are saying, especially young people, fuck this. I can't afford that. I'm just going to pay the tax penalty and not get obamacare because it's gonna save me money in the long run well i mean the thing about buying insurance is you do get insurance like that's a good thing in case you get sick you know those plans are such shit they're terrible they stop you so bad wiped out like there's always some specific like that's all it doesn't even keep you from getting wiped out if you're someone who can only afford a plan with

a six thousand dollar deductible chances are you don't have six thousand dollars to spend on the deductible so if you're making 200 grand a year you don't have to stick with that bullshit deductible plan at the bottom you have enough money to get something better if you so desire but it's those people who don't have enough money where they're like well six thousand dollars may as well be sixty thousand dollars because i have money. Those people is the middle class, by the way, the people who don't have $6,000. We know that. That's the whole middle class that doesn't have $6,000 on average

to fucking blow on medical expenses out of nowhere. I don't know. All I know is every time I look at those plans, I'm like, this is complete bullshit. I'm not doing that or that. That's ridiculous. So the conversations I have with Jackie, every day I wake up and there's some

story about Hillary. So I don't like either of them. I'm voting for Hillary, but I don't like either of them. And every time I see bad news about her, it's just like, this isn't happening because she's unlucky. What will it take to get you to change your vote?

For Jackie to change hers? No, no, vote? For Jackie to change hers, probably. No, no, no. For Woody to change his to Trump. That's what I'm saying. If Jackie's going to vote Hillary, Woody's not going to vote Trump. So I would have to hinge on Jackie changing the vote to Trump. That's so insulting.

Like, why would you think that I wouldn't make up my own mind? Because I would think that you guys would go as like a team, you know? Like, you get two votes. I feel like you could just... Otherwise, you just cancel each other out. Yeah, that'll happen in some families i guess i i i make up my own decision i i think she does too and uh shit for me to go it's hard because i really do think he sexually assaults women concrete evidence like

nailed to the wall that she took money from the saudis in exchange for selling them more, giving them a better deal on F-16s? It's funny. That's a good one, right? Because I think she did that. Yeah, yeah. I think she literally did that. I think there's a handful of these things. Here's a better one.

She was first lady, and they were trying to pass through a bankruptcy law. And if I remember right, the deal is there's three kinds of debt. Let me just give you 60 seconds to lay this out. Three kinds of debt, mortgage, student loan, and then like regular unsecured debt. Mortgage rates are not that bad because they take your house if you don't pay it and they don't really lose too much. Student loan rates are not that bad because you have to pay them off.

Even if you go broke or whatever, you can get sick, you can get divorced, they will get your student loan money out of you. Unsecured debt, if you go wrong on that, then they're just fucked. That's how it used to be. And that's why credit card rates were 20% when mortgages were 4%. That's how unsecured debt works. So the companies like Goldman Sachs and what have you, were going to change the bankruptcy laws so that when you went bankrupt, the credit card company still kind of got paid off. Hillary

found out about this, and she goes to Bill, and she says, all right, look, we can't have this. This is a terrible thing. Bill vetoes it, and they undo it. I don't know if he had to veto it or if they just got Congress to change their votes, but they stopped this thing dead in its tracks. Hillary Clinton, savior of the middle class, saved bankruptcy so that it doesn't wipe you out like it once did. Then she becomes a senator, does all these speeches, gets money in her own pocket, votes for it, it passes. She was bought. She was just fucking bought. When she was first lady and she voted her conscience, she went one way.

When she was a senator and on the take she voted another way you can buy hillary clinton i already know this i just don't know that she's worse than trump i believe trump sexually assaults women women i i i believe he's morally bankrupt at least as much as she is so what it it would take for me to convince me that Hillary is worse than Trump is, I'm not thinking of it, but it could, I'm sure it exists. Do you put any stock, like, I know these are just like the allegations are against Trump, you can believe it or not, the allegations against Hillary of intimidating and threatening Bill's victims, do you put any stock into that? No. What I believe is that

she was probably mean to his mistresses and I bet that's pretty common behavior. What if it turns out that she was aware that Bill Clinton was going on the Lolita Express and having sex with underage girls with... That'd be enough. That'd be enough. That'd do it? Yeah, that would do it for sure. Yeah, if that whole thing turned out to be true.

You know, like, I don't believe Trump is a pedophile. I do believe he went to the Miss Teen USA backstage to see the naked teenagers. I just watched Miss Teen Delaware get railed about 20 minutes ago. She's a porn star herself. Miss Teen Delaware. Good video. Yeah, it's a good video.

I got no problem with that. What I got a problem with is him taking advantage of his creepy old man. I run this shit to come back there and like ogle the ladies. Right. That ain't cool. But it's also not cigar and your pussy not cool. And then lying under testimony. No, no.

I believe what Bill did is. It's a little different. No. Bill's. I think Bill's is way cooler. Monica Lewinsky was not his victim. She was his lover. That's true.

But. Okay. All right. I guess potatoes. Potatoes. No, no. That's, they're both situations in which someone is using a position of authority and power to get a woman to do what

she wants. Do you think that Monica Lewinsky would have ever hooked up with Bill Clinton if he wasn't the president of the United States? Do you think if he went up to her at a bar? You know, maybe it would. I'm just saying that it is immoral, I think, if you're the president. If you're somebody, yeah, if you're in a huge position of power and you use that to basically be like, hey, we're going to hook up, aren't we, sweetie?

And then she comes in and then you fuck that decision of power was more like NBA player. Right. Like like if you said, hey, do you believe Monica Lewinsky would ever hook up with Kevin Durant if he wasn't playing for Golden State? I'd say no, but he was. and that's what he used to seduce her, and she willingly opened her legs. Yes, but Kevin Durant doesn't have any direct control over her future trajectory in a career. And that makes it wrong. You're fired at

this. Monica Lewinsky clearly wanted to be in the political realm, and she basically was like, okay, well, if I gotta fucking blow Bill, I guess I gotta do it if want to stay in this industry. Like I can't just turn the president down. I'm going to be in some bullshit toilet cleaning dude. It's possible she was thinking that, and I'm only guessing, but I thought she was actually thinking, oh, my God, I get to blow Bill Clinton.

Like I think so. You could be right. I just think either way it's immoral. All you have to do is take a look at all of the women who have accused bill and you can see that man has low standards or that's all he can get it's one or the other all right like i hate to say that about sexual assault victims but he's got some real ugly motherfucking sexual assault bill look at paula jones with that huge nose and then the other one was a big fat cow like like it's not like like like with if trump was grabbing ladies like that then we would have a problem at least trump go it's not like like like with if trump was grabbing ladies like that then we

would have a problem at least trump go trump's grabbing like tips literally going backstage to watch teenagers be in states well he's oh that's not that's well i mean he says he did 19 did he say oh are they missing usa in usa yeah well they're they're they're of age no no no legal no i'm saying did they like is this verified that he actually went back there and walked Are they? Miss Teen USA? Yeah. Well, they're of age. No, no, no. They're legal. No, I'm saying, is this verified that he actually went back there and walked around, or is this another allegation? No, this is verified. Yeah, this is a thing. I'm asking. I'm not trying to trap anybody. Yeah, no, no.

I didn't hear the one about the Teen USA. I heard the one about the Miss USA where he would walk backstage to see them, but I never heard the one about the teen contests. No, just like a half a dozen people have come out and said it was there. He did it to both. I don't know if it was USA or Miss Universe but whatever. He's back there and he's acting Miss Teen too. That's creepy. It's wrong. It is. It's just the biggest confusing thing

about all these allegations is you have to, people will be like oh you have to believe every allegation outright. And it's like, well, you also have to be a thinking person and try and put it together to the best of your ability, not to insult potential victims but to be cogent and sound-minded, just trying to think it through. And for decades, Donald Trump was in the public eye, a guy that people watched on TV. They enjoyed. TV they enjoyed I'll have to go back and do research but I don't think anybody called him a rapist or a racist or a horrible despicable human being until he ran for president as a Republican and and now he's like you have a witness that is him himself on tape like that that's a yes but that's only if you think that that tape was him fondly reminiscing events where

he's harassed women and assaulted them and assume that it wasn't him being in poor taste, a braggadocious, self-conscious, I want to be an alpha male, harumph, harumph, look at me, dude. Because what he said was, I can do whatever I want. First of all, beautiful woman, I can't stand it. I got to kiss him. I got to kiss him right there. I don't even ask.

But when you're a star like me, you don't have to ask. And hey, I can just grab him. Grab him by the pussy, whatever. I can get away with it. ask but uh but you know when you're when you're a star like me you don't have to ask and hey i can just grab him grab him by the pussy whatever i get away with it i i don't feel like he's that's very different what i just you know repeated it's pretty pretty sound quote from from yeah last saturday this chick named nancy i cornered her upstairs i just grabbed her by the pussy just grabbed her by she couldn't get away she didn't want to either because i'm a star that's why like he didn't say that he didn't like tell you about last time he did it he was to me there's a difference to me i i think he's bullshitting

i don't believe trump grabs people by the pussy no he does like at random like he might have grabbed some pussy but we've all grabbed some pussy and they because they wanted it right like we know when a woman wants you to grab her pussy and maybe that's what he's described exactly there's a there's a you know when you're married you need to remove consent because it's there by default well let me be let's pull back going back to the pornography subreddit from last week free use another good subreddit that that's where the wife is just up for sex anytime, anywhere. Not even necessarily. No, wait. You could be eating dinner, sitting down to a fine meal,

and the husband will just come over there and just bend her over the table. You misunderstand free use. It's not a married thing. No, free use is the idea. It's pretty much a living, breathing sex toy that you can use anytime you want. Yeah, you're right. I got that confused. There is another one that's like what I just said.

Wife sharing? No, wife sharing is pretty literal in its description. I can tell you what that is. It's probably people fucking each other's wives. I think typically it's a married couple and a single guy. Yeah. But then that's not wife sharing. You're thinking wife swapping. You're mixing up wife sw's not wife sharing you're thinking wife swapping

you're mixing up wife swapping with wife sharing don't fuck with me on porn all right okay you're right i need to get i need to look at more wife categories i guess let me really sift through ah sharing's different than you know swapping i never understood the guy that could sit there and watch his wife getting tooled by some uh other dude and just kind of watch yeah to want her to fulfill her her fantasies i mean if you really cared about her you know whatever she wants let's make it happen yeah that's the only guy who's winning or the only person I feel like who's winning in that little triage is the dude who just gets to show up and fuck this girl and then be like, all right, I'm going to enjoy a night of watching sports and drink and see. You guys enjoy the crazy fallout from this probably calamitous relationship ending event.

It's not my thing. I am not a sharer. But some guys seeing their wife having sex is even hotter than having sex like some guys get off on that and uh then they want to you know variety of men they want the bull right the bull doesn't make any sense why it's like it's a sexual fetish where you don't get to have sex well sometimes i guess you get to jerk off a little but i guess maybe for some people like holding it back is the enjoyment like oh this thing that i really want to do i can't do it because i made up a rule and now my wife's fucking some other guy who showed up like

it would crush me i it's not my cup of tea but i i was gonna say i do understand it but that's not the term i'm using like i do know what it is you relate to it no no no that's not what i'm going for yeah i do know what it is i i do know that like yeah i'll try to thread that needle there's a i know a guy very fun i know a guy who he he was single when i hung out with him but he eventually got me married her and i swear like one of i think that he got off on the idea that everyone wanted his woman right and she was beautiful and people did but i think that it it really increased his feelings for her that everybody else wished they had her and uh you know whereas like that's that's i don't really care what everybody else thinks like i made up my own mind but uh but you know i don't know

like is it somehow similar once like everyone wants the like when you're walking around town with your lady with your girl you don't want people to just totally ignore her like you want people to notice like man that guy's got a good looking girl on his arm like she's a very attractive woman like wow good for you uh and you kind of there's such a huge chasm between that And being like I like this Affirmation from strangers on the street So much that hey yeah you want a fucker You know

Go halfway My biggest fetish is I don't fucking do anything I just sit there So this guy would take his girl to a strip club Right And she would like get into it and stuff You know she'd like enjoy the strippers And whatever all female strippers. And I think that a big part of what he liked was like, like she'd get all dolled up.

Right. So she'd practically look like a stripper and she's interacting with the strippers. And every guy is thinking, man, she's like the most amazing wife ever. And I think that was his kink. Every guy was like, I wish that. And then he that every guy was like I wish that and then he would let his wife get fucked by someone she never asked Woody to partake

but who knows perhaps maybe maybe but I don't think so I think that he would get all worked up on the notion that everyone wanted to fuck her and then he would that might be a funny prank phone call. Like you expressed interest in Bulls for Hire at BullsForHire.com.

I'm just calling. I'm happy to fill the position. No, we didn't, God damn it. It says you're Michael, right? Yeah, Michael. Well, it says here you'd like me to finish on your face. A bull is a strong black guy. You don't sound like one.

Well, I don't want to offend all of our fans in one night, so maybe I'll save the black impression for next week. And just instead segue into an Uber ad read. I'm sure they'll appreciate this. They'd like this placement. This is

right where they wanted to be. Can I interrupt your Uber ad read? The spacing won't be a bad idea. Anthony, do you ever worry about that you transition from like a wife swapping talk right into like audible.com or something? No, I've never worried about that. Oh, well, good. Forge ahead. The sponsors are all wonderful, and they know exactly what they're signing on to.

Well, on that note, Kyle. We've all taken jobs to earn extra cash. Back in the day, I... There's this dot, dot, dot, so I'm going to lie to you at this point. Back in the day, I got a job... I can't curse during these. Let me just start over. I don't want to make them mad at me.

We've all taken extra jobs to earn extra cash, but I've got a better way you can earn extra money on the side. It's so much easier thanks to Uber. It's a totally flexible way to earn. You can turn it on and off just like your car. If you have a few spare hours here and there, drive with Uber. Have you ever wanted to be your own boss? I bet you'd make a great boss. Drive with Uber and you are your own boss. If you're driving right now, you should be earning right now. I'd do it. Every day is a payday when you drive with Uber because you can cash out at any time with instant pay. With access to instant pay, cash out your earnings up

to five times per day with no minimum amount required. Listen, if you enjoy earning extra cash, if there's something special you'd like to buy, your car can start making you money. So go ahead, get your side hustle on. Sign up to drive with Uber today. Go to uber.com slash drive now. That's uber.com slash drive now. Uber, U-B-E-R.com slash drive now. It's a great service. If you don't know what Uber is, you've been living under a rock, I would think, because you really won't believe how much better it is than getting a taxi until the first time you have to get a taxi after using Uber for a while. And you'll be like, oh, my God, that's why they're taking over.

Because these people are unpleasant. Like, these taxi drivers are just surly. I don't want to be scolded when they're taking over because these people are unpleasant like these taxi drivers are just surly i don't want to be scolded when they're taking me somewhere but uh uber excellent i like the idea of uber i like the idea of setting your hours i like the idea of like owning your time i like i don't know the whole opt-in sort of like self-employment aspect of it is really interesting to me yeah the autonomy of it is perfect i i i don't know there's a lot of like new economy jobs like that you know the etsy stuff the uber stuff the where like you don't have a traditional boss and that to me has a high value you know what i like about uh i was like, I figured why would I use Uber?

There are taxis and stuff. And I'm in New York City and I could hail a cab. And then the first time I used it, I'm like, okay, this is great. Because all the guesswork is out of it. I like being able to look at my phone and go, okay, three minutes, a car will be here. There he is right there on that road. I'm here. It's this type of car here's his name and when i would call a cab and i have to get to the airport or something and i'm at my

house with my badge at the front door going and calling again where's the cab i'm gonna be late for my flight uh all right let me call hold on base to 15 base to 15 to 15. It's like the 30s. They're calling on a radio to find a guy. I love knowing where everything is. And like Uber and other technology companies that work an old problem with new technology. It's fantastic. Yeah. It's how you do it. Also, and i might be dumb and people who take

cabs will laugh at this i don't understand the system i don't know there's lights on the top that are either on or off but like the middle one's always on so to me the light's on it's never completely off there and then you have to look inside and see if there's people and figure out if their guests are like i don't really get taxis it's an on duty off duty light and it's his cab number and if it's lit up he's ready to be held down and if it's not lit up

he's got somebody in the car with him but sometimes they forget to turn it on or off and you're there like an idiot waving for him and he passes by and you see there's someone in there and you throw something at the car. Naturally, that's what you do. You get upset.

Kyle, what do you have here? So this is pretty cool. A man steals a police car and livestreams it. Yeah, I saw this earlier today, and I thought we should check this out, because this guy steals a cop car and livestreams it. He's uploading videos of him doing

it to his facebook while he's doing it right do you want to watch the whole thing it's it's three three minutes and 45 seconds i i think we should i love this i think this is really funny let's do this are we ready uh is anthony you queued up yeah all right ready set play ever since i got ever since i got out of prison What's a deal, okay, I don't know Anthony key turn your volume down a little bit? This is the shit I wanna go out to. Keep you up, your feet tonight. He's driving in the cop car,

like doing a selfie video. Okay, if you don't believe me right now, look, check it out. I'm in the cop car. He's missing a tooth. Looks like the right uppermost canine. He's turning the sirens on and pointing the camera in front of him so you can see the lights.

Don't fucking believe me! I swear to God, happy Halloween! Like this shit I'm gonna go out to. It was the cop's iPad, right? So he like logged into his own Facebook on the cop's iPad and started live streaming on Facebook as he stole this cop's car. And iPad, I guess. streaming on Facebook as he stole this cop's car and iPad I guess that is pretty badass though you guys gone a long fucking time I know that yeah I

wonder how long he's gonna go to jail he's like this is my last video I feel like I'm watching a guy who knows his life is ending he doesn't actually die you know if he could go forward in time from that moment and see that it has 96,000 views, he would have rethought. Because he probably thought it was going way more viral than this. It did on Facebook. So we can remind you when to play.

Presented by Osage Casino. Um, hold up. Where the fuck am I going? This way? He's lost. Should be easy to hide from the cops pursuing him. Nine charges. Including a resisting arrest, two counts of possession of a firearm by a felon,

false impersonation of a police officer, reckless driving, not wearing a seatbelt, although clearly he's wearing it. Police stated that he has a very long criminal record which includes vehicle theft. I'm trying to learn how to work all these lights and stuff. He's trying to figure out the lights and stuff he gets out of the car at one point yeah and then he gets back in he's like hold on wait a minute i gotta put

on my seat belt and they still charge them with no seat belt yeah that's just a travesty of justice don't get out of that don't worry entrapment this is how is he getting away from policemen i don't see him doing anything special i mean the four cities throughout the Tulsa area I do the Tulsa County finally being stopped last nearly 40 minutes sometimes reaching a 120 120 miles an hour in a cop car I bet he had fun his last night of freedom. That'd be a good time. Yeah, that's... Does he do anything crazy for you on that?

He gets out and show you the car and be like, yeah, here's my cop car. How hard do you think it would be to, like, fall back and, like, get in the back of the cop procession and act like you're also searching for him like if you hide in the neighborhood and then you just come out like a fake mustache and a hat on he's fucking vanished you know look at this he's getting out i think personal yes he is

i just don't give a fuck you want me to turn on the. I just don't give a fuck. You want me to turn on the lights? He's like, I just don't give a fuck. He reaches and turns the lights on. He's at a smoke shop. He took the cop car to a smoke shop. Is he still recording on this guy's iPad? Yes! I feel like he's going to spend a lot of time in prison talking about decision making. Yeah.

Well, but I stole the cop car. I realized it was a mistake. gonna spend a lot of time in prison talking about decision-making realized it was a mistake but to be fair Hillary Clinton didn't go to jail you know that's a good one everyone yeah that dude like i have you ever been in trouble and knew that trouble was coming but it hadn't come yet but just go ahead and enjoy this because like you can't get in any more trouble right so like i busted curfew i know when i get home i'm in deep shit so might as well enjoy this when when i was maybe 12 years old, or younger than that, probably like nine, you know those wagons you'd pull? I'm pretty sure I told this a while back.

Those wagons, little kids, you pull them, and you see the moms walking down the street, and they've got the big plastic Fisher-Price wagon and the two kids sitting on the bench in there. Well, I tied my younger brother up, and I put him in there at the top of a very large hill in our backyard, and there was just a willow tree down in the middle of the yard and as i was about to push him i heard my dad screaming from up there

going taylor don't you do it don't you push him down that hill and in that moment i i like i was like i'm in too deep and so i pushed him because i already i'd already tied my brother up and i thought it would be neat to see and i just thought he was going to go real quick down and then just kind of come to a slow stop on the grass. But he, I swear to God, he must have been steering it, even unknowingly. Because he goes, and then careens straight towards the willow tree. I could see the willow tree kind of becoming his new target. and I could hear my dad like stomping down like the the loud wooden stairs you know from the porch down to the our level so he could run over and grab me and I could be uh scolded and it was just kind of in that moment right as I saw in slow motion my brother going for that willow tree

knowing he was gonna hit knowing I was gonna have hell to pay just doing that thing from gladiator where I closed my eyes and kind of like put my hand out and felt the wheat around me that song and i was just kind of like you know reality it really is beautiful you know like i'm just happy to be a part of it before this you know savagery that's about to partake that was that was scolding remember where it's like oh man like i'm gonna have to go like pick my own switch or something. Which was always terrible, having to go pick your own switch. I got spanked, I'm sure.

But no, I didn't get beaten. Jesus. No, just the corrective spanking. I got beaten? I remember my mom beat me one time so bad that I shit my pants. Wow. All right, can you just stop the fucking show right now? We need to have an intervention, right?

That's abuse. Don't we need to get a third party in here to help evaluate? You got beaten so hard you shit your pants. I did. No, no, this happened. Wait, wait. I set a standard, Kyle.

When I say that I got beat or hit as a kid, you understand it to be like a wooden spoon when I was bad, right? Open-handed butt slap. Open hand or a wooden spoon, not beating a kid until he poops himself. So give us the stat to know. I don't remember what I did exactly,

but I think it was showing some kind... The beaters are listening right now. Yeah, they listen to the show. But it doesn't hold me back that much. I think it was like I showed some measure of disrespect, right? And so she's beating respect into me. And, like, just beating and beating and screaming and, like, just, like, having at me. And I shit my pants.

And in my head, my first thought was, like, oh, my God. Is there really shit in my pants? And then, like, there's that sort of warm, comforting shit in your pants. I was like, all right, this is, like, mildly pleasant, but I'll know. And, yeah, that has been me as a kid. How many of you age? Yeah. Oh, age?

Eighteen. Seven, you know? Seven, okay. Yeah. Oh, man. So she's beating the fuck out of me at seven. I shit my pants. And I'm like, no, no.

When she finds this out, it's just going to get worse. When she finds out that I shit my pants, she's going to ramp this up to next level. And now I'm totally fucked. Like, oh, no. And I start crying. And through my sobs, I tell her that I pooped myself. But the unexpected happens. She goes easy on me.

And she feels bad that she beat me so much that I pooped myself. And now I'm like, wait a minute. Is this a strategy for future beatings? I'm like, wait a minute. Is this a strategy for future beatings? Is this a thing that I can reproduce on demand to end beatings sooner than they would have otherwise beaten? They're ended. So you were starting to plan preemptive shits where you're like, I'm going to get a little ornery this weekend. I'm going to load up so I have quick response time.

Lots of fiber for the weekend. I'm going gonna be a bad boy yeah talking to your dad now he's just shitting before i even hit him like a dog would you know so yeah so she had she instantly had i mix up sympathy and empathy i need to hit the dictionary but she instantly has some sympathy for me and um you know like whatever retrieved clean clothes and i sorted it out. It was the move to solve the problem. That's child abuse.

Well, you call child abuse, I call childhood, alright? Most victims do. Make that your fucking Reddit tagline thing. Your flair. I feel like such a pussy now. All the stories of like, man, then I got a real whoop.

And it's like very measured. Like you get five whacks with the spoon and like that. Describe the nature of these hits. Like are these open hand, closed hand, like in the stomach and the head? Where were you getting hit? There wasn't a particular aiming going on. I'm like cowering, you know, and she's hitting me. She might hit me in the shoulder, in the back, in the ass, in my bedroom.

I was in my bedroom. Are you in the corner cowering in fear? Yeah, well, there's a corner made from the bed and the wall, and I'm in that corner. Yeah, and I'm not on the bed. I will try something here. Let's recreate it and see if we shits himself she's looming over you right she's big and powerful she the blows are raining down on you

too many to count you feel a strong pain everywhere all over your body but then then there's something else an urge you can't stop it's warm and smelly and the shame fills your heart. But the blows just keep coming. Yeah, I remember I told this story to my wife not that long ago. It was in my head for some reason. And she's like, I feel so bad for little Woody. Like the child version of you. She's like, it's just sad.

And I'm like, what? You didn't get this? The kids got that. They take away. I've never hit my kids, not once. I don't even soap them. That's not my thing. I figured out early that if I use like a really – My dad would throw two or four of those in a pillowcase.

Just really give it to him. My wife, she would use – she'd put on her two fingers, and she'd put like liquid soap on there. I remember the first time ever, I've told this before, my daughter was back talking hardcore. She's like, I don't know, I'll call it six or seven, I'm not sure. And she's just yelling at my wife, like, and Jackie, like a ninja, has liquid soap on there,

and she goes, and she soaps her tongue. And then Hope kept yelling, and she blew a bubble. That's the greatest thing ever. But I never had to soak because I could get them. A child that shits itself. Yeah. That's a real generational gap, you know? I could get my children to cry by yelling at them, you know?

Of course you could. A little emotional abuse. A little really terrorizing. It's not like I do this much. All I need to do is be stern with them for 10 seconds in a row or something, and they would get into tears. So with that... That's what you want.

That's how you make one. Okay. I don't know. I feel like my kids are going to tell the story like, my dad yelled at me for 10 seconds until the tears went, and their kids are going to be like, oh my god, what a monster. But yeah, that's all I've ever had to do. Have any of us ever had people help a professional?

I know Anthony probably has a couple good stories about taking a few savage beatings from the dad. Can you beat my stories, Anthony? Actually, when I was about that age, seven or so, my dad would use the belt, and he would threaten us by hanging it on the doorknob sometimes with me and my brother. We're talking when we should be sleeping. He would hang it on the doorknob and go,

next time I come in, meh. So we, of course, would be stupid and keep talking. Or for another reason, sometimes, he'd come in with the belt and give you the talking beating, which every word was like, don't you ever do that. And you're like, oh, please. He's short. I'm glad that's vocabulary. You're really praying for single syllable words.

Jesus, mom, you lighten up on the verbiage. So then when he and my mom got divorced and he left, my mom figured she'd pick up, you know, where he left off with the belt when we acted up. And so she was hitting me once with the belt, you know, down to do whatever it was. And my father would fold the belt over like that, double strap and use that. Mom didn't know how to use it. So she had the long belt holding by the buckle and she hit me a couple of times and it whipped around.

And if this thing didn't perfectly go whack right on the tip of my little dick. didn't perfectly go whack right on the tip of my little dick. I let out a scream. She thought she had killed me. What? What? I was like, I couldn't even talk. And, you know, my little dick blew up because it was wounded.

And that was it. She never again picked up the belt oh you well buddy was never sexually assaulted from a plastic shark from my mom when i was maybe four on purpose she hit you with a plastic shark yeah i was like my brother was down on the floor and i was very young and for some reason like i was so young i didn't have thoughts i just knew that i wanted to bite his back severely and so i bit his back a few times while my mom was on the floor and I was very young and for some reason like I was so young I didn't have thoughts I just knew that I wanted to bite his back severely and so I bit his back a few times while my mom was on the phone and my mom

had to run over and be like Taylor stop and she grabbed the big plastic toy shark that I had in my hand and I'm naked because I was a free little boy and so I was running around in that little circle where they're trying to whip you but you were kind of getting out of range until she kind of did that like adult gets tired of your nonsense and use a little adult strength and like snap the kid back around and she gave me

a solid wallop and she immediately turned her attention to my brother because his back was bleeding because i had bit him and i just sat there and just apparently gave out the most blood curdling scream and then just she was like taylor shut up up. You stop. Stop. And I just sat there weeping, like pointing at my dick area like. And like apparently my scrotum swelled up gigantic. And she had to call the doctor and be like, is it going to is it going to go down on its own? Or do I need to come in for like a deflation procedure? I don't know what's going on. God damn.

If it gets ruptured, you know, it will. You'll know. But he'll be fine in a little bit. Just let it settle down. And it did. My mom. My mom threw a high heeledeled shoe at me one time, and it took a bad bounce.

It took a bad bounce, and the heel of it hit me right here on the cheek and drew blood. And I was just like, look what you did. She felt terrible, of course. I was like, because I knew you can't fucking hit your kid in the face and make him bleed.

I was like, look what you did. What were you thinking? What were you thinking? I'm the crazy one? I'm the irresponsible one? What if it'd been my eye, mom? How cool would I look with an eye patch right now? Yar! Fuck you, mom! Like, you know, there were a lot of times. Moms are the worst disciplinarians

because they're often weaker than their offspring, so they're not good at it. And you have no respect for them because of that fact. My dad comes around, and it's whooping time. It's like, shit, I'm crying before he gets there. I hope he doesn't use the belt this time because he's a big dude, and he wears a big belt.

But mom comes, she's got to have a weapon. She's got a shoe. She's got a plastic coat hanger. She's got a kitchen armory. My mom would beat me. I like that you said the high-heeled shoe took a bad bounce. I can't imagine a high-heeled shoe taking anything but a bad bounce. Exactly. It just can't quite.

I would get beaten, right? And I'm a real pale, pasty, white kid and stuff. And I'd be like, look at this. And there's like five distinct fingers on the side of my face. Or I'd show her my ass. like, look how red it is! And they're like, yeah, that's what we were going for. Like, you know what I'm supposed to feel bad about my success? Having fingerprints on your face, that would be upsetting to me as a child,

to get slapped in the face by my parents. Yeah, I never got slapped in the face. Did you just get used to it, Woody? Or was it irregular enough that just get used to it, Woody? Or was it irregular enough? Or I guess was it regular enough that you got used to it? Or so irregular that it was impactful every time? Like, oh, Jesus, they slapped me again. Oh, I...

It wasn't that, like, oh, my God, there's fingers on my face. It's, oh, my God, I'm such a bad kid. Oh, I'm so sorry. That is sad. I feel so bad for little kid Woody. And it was somewhat unpredictable, too. Like, I remember I went to a friend's house the statute of limitations on child abuse you want with a disciplinary and harsh right now predictable I spilled milk at a friend's house now at my house that

was not a good thing to be doing right like if you knock your drink over or something like why were you so careless and i'm like oh my god like holy shit like what the fuck is about to go down i don't even know this person and she said it was okay and she cleaned the spill and she cleaned the bottom of the glass because that was a thing like my mom would clean the spill but then i get in trouble for like because the glass was still dirty on the bottom and she's like now like you're leaving rings around okay but I'm young and I'm stupid like I don't know to clean the bottom of the glass and you know so like like the even after it's clean it's not over yet because I'm still leaving like like things under the glass like little rings and uh time your parents life where losing a glass of milk was hey we can't be doing that

that's that's expensive milk my dad was professionally successful so we're talking about a kind of thing where milk is she kept a clean home and and if we needed to we could buy 500 gallons tomorrow and pour it out and nobody would ever know the difference. Well, we didn't waste money, but... Oh, of course not! Or you got a bee! And you certainly didn't waste milk! When they cleaned the thing, and then they cleaned the bottom of the glass, and it was

all over, I was like, oh my god, this is so awesome. And then there were times it wouldn't get in trouble. I remember I knocked over a potted plant, and I'm like, oh my god, here it comes! Oh my god! Like, i'm about to catch a whooping and uh she recognized it as a mistake and let it slide they did some psyops shit to you man they were really yeah fucking with you physically and psychologically this is like a behind the music woody's gamer tech like seeing the origin story, like, oh, wow.

Like, spilling milk. I can't imagine, as a little kid, spilling milk and being like, oh, it's about to get real. Like, what? Can I, like, I don't know about everyone else's childhood, but if I had spilled a glass of milk, that held zero consequences. It was a mistake. Zero, none. Everybody was like oh shit you spilled your milk well here have some more little guy let's clean that up right it wasn't

like you're gonna shit yourself tonight you think milk grows on trees you know i was a bad kid though you're buying it i remember i um so it was fifth grade and I had this teacher, Mrs. DiMaggio or something called DeLorean, I don't know. And so what happened is she had made this chart for my parents to like sign that I did my homework because I wasn't doing my homework. I really was a bad kid. And I started forging my mom's name and I just about convinced, I guess, the teacher that my mom had really childish handwriting.

And we came in, and I had missed something like 27 days of homework in a row. And the teacher explained. She's like, well, he's not stupid, right? He's not a dumb kid. I have other kids in here, and I feel for them because they just don't get it. He gets it, but he won't work at all. I've been teaching for 32 years and he is the single worst student that I have ever had in my 32 years of teaching. I heard this and I felt pride. Like,

like really number one, like in 32 years, that's quite like no one's ever like dodged work as hard. Because you were so damaged from that, that home abuse where you're like, well, I may not be the best guy at keeping milk in my cup or not breathing too loudly when I sleep. But man, I'm at least the most difficult student this woman's ever had. I'll latch on to that. After this little parent-teacher conference thing, we go back to the car. And my mom's selling real estate on the side at the time. at the time. It actually, so my father was like this real estate wheeler dealer type guy, in addition to being an accountant. And he realized that he could get out of all the brokerage fees

if my mom got her real estate license. So she was doing that. And she was also kind of, I guess, selling a little bit of, you know, houses here and there and stuff. So anyway, the point behind that is that she gave away these snow scrapers, you know, the little plastic, like foot long snow scrapers. Yeahers yeah well she had like a dozen of them like put together with a couple rubber bands and we get to the car and i'm in the passenger seat like up front not like in the school i felt like we had kind of worked out a plan going forward like where she was going to check my homework and i was going to be a better kid and she starts beating the fuck out of me with this bundle of scrapers. And she's hitting me. And she's hitting me.

And she said that I made her look bad. And I'm like, it's not you. I'm just a really bad kid. Like, there's nothing that you could do. And she would just beat the fuck out of me with those ice scrapers. Like Jerry Lundegaard in Fargo? Yeah. I don't know.

This scene. But, um. You're a bastard. but now hang on was that the same teacher that thought that you were retarded? no no no that was three years later the retarded one was three years earlier this is fifth grade you're thinking of second

I want to have like a professional come in on the show as our guest next week. And then the fans will give me shit for retelling stories. Dark shit. Dark shit. What was the single worst beat? I know, or I guess to Anthony and Woody, because I'm sure you both have a good one. What was the single worst one you ever took from your dad mom whoever gave it to

you worst i think the worst one and it wasn't even because i never really got beaten badly like it was always the belt as a kid but once i got a little older they just stopped all together doing that but once my dad in california when i was living out there with him, and I was about 13, I guess. And my father was like the worst. We went like days without food, and we had a gas lantern in our apartment because the electricity was turned off again. It was just terrible. So I was starving,

and I stole some quarters to buy ice cream sandwiches with. I was just like starving. And he found out that I had taken him and he couldn't fathom that I bought anything to eat with it. He thought I was buying like model rocketry or something, you know, model rockets or whatever it was. So he open hand smacked me in the face and I never got hit in the face as a kid ever. It was always just with the belt.

So that one was the most traumatic. That was like a man just hit hit in the face as a kid ever. It was always just with the belt. So that one was the most traumatic. That was like a man just hit me in the face. It was frightening. That one stands out. My father didn't really hit me. Sometimes what would happen is my – like I'd be bad while my dad is at work. And my mom would decide like, all right, we're going to upgrade this to dad. And then I would just sit there in like we're gonna upgrade this to dad and then i would just sit

there in like fear all day long like holy shit i'm about to kick an ass kick i'm about to catch an ass kicking from a grown man like this is gonna really suck and then my dad would get home and he'd be like he did what like do we have to you know like like he didn't really agree that this was the like just you gotta really fucking lay the beat down on this he would spank me sometimes and that would suck because when my mom beat me usually there was like some level of defense and cowering and like shielding blows or whatever my dad he'd be like yeah yeah he i think he made me pull down my pants i'm not sure about that and i would have to lay over his lap, and then he would spank me.

See, that's the difference between a punishment and an assault. I really wasn't a fan of either of them, to be honest with you. But when your dad was spanking you, I'm sure that you felt like, at no point is he going to lose control and just catch me in the jaw. That was a difference. Yeah. Spank, and your mom was just like, this scraper just catch me in the jaw like that was a difference yeah spank my father was just like this this scraper could hit me in the eye because the next swing because mom is angry she's not hitting you because oh well he did a b and c so the measured response is

seven swats on the bottom your mom has lost control of herself and gone into a rage and to take care of her own like inner anger and and loss of self-control she's taking out on a child to the point where he shits himself I was a bad kid though I got a bad puppy but I never stomped it out okay scoop up the poop and just realize it's a puppy like like he's learning that's my oh i feel so bad yeah i feel bad too especially because you're still i can't tell if you're just doing it for like of the bit or if you actually like but i really was a bad kid like yeah no you didn't deserve that let me let me say like a rape victim well i was wearing that a really short skirt and and

you know i am kind of a whore maybe i deserved it mean, you know, my dad raped me too. Maybe I do deserve it. When Taylor asked about the worst beating we caught, one day, like, two friends and I decided to pick on my older brother. Now, in fairness, sometimes that was reciprocated and stuff. I always felt a little put down, a little under his thumb. I'd probably do it to Taylor if I was his little brother too. But we decided to just fuck with all his shit. Like, he had a radio that I envied, and they would play FM radio. So we put that under the garage door and slammed it repeatedly.

We each had a swing. So we had a swing set with two swings, and one was kind of his and one was kind of mine, but it was all rusty, like the chains. So when you knotted it up, curled it too much, it would get all like, I don't know, So when you knotted it up, like curled it too much, it would get all like, I don't know, like a well-maintained swing chain would just sort of come unraveled. His was fucked up.

Like we took the rusty chain, spun it around, put it through itself, sat on it. And maybe another thing or two. You know, I ruined some of my brother's shit. And the beating I caught for that was maybe the worst one ever it was just it was the same thing but longer you know like it is like i'm on the ground she's hitting she's she had her wheaties that morning yeah i'm just doing like like this kind of shit you know and she's kicking and punching and and chewing and um that was a bad one you chewing yeah hit with a shoe what would you call it oh shooing i thought i said chewing i would call like she was biting with a shoe yeah no she didn't she never bit me or anything but um yeah that's why it turned out so great

this is an eye opening to just have one of those uh like you brought up the time machine before but instead of uh going back in time you put your now self in your childhood body and as your parents hitting you you know what it's really like like most of it was just shock that it was happening so if you realize what's happening and your older self was in the kid body you could just sit there and go really is that is that it yeah that's what you do dude the adult me of today could work some sort of reverse psyops right like yeah that's what you want to do you want to like you know you take these hits and you're like really you seem out of control right now you have lost it is this the kind of mother that you aspired to be when you first had children? Did you think that you were going to go down like –

Yeah, adult me talking back. Are you really – Mom, I'm going to need you to take five. Or are you doing something else to make yourself feel better by doing this? Talk to me about it. You can hit me at the same time, but let's talk about it. Oh, God. Trouble in the bedroom with Dad?

No, that's never it. That's never it with them. Even now, they're like knocking on the door 70. Well, I mean, you moved out decades ago. They've got to get that rage out. Well, this has been enlightening let me uh now that we've continued finished the part about what he's child abuse let me tell you all a little bit a little bit about

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both of those are very cool companies tracker you know like if you have something important to you and you don't want it lost you can stick it there and then find it on your phone that's really neat and uh audible.com like we actually use that as a family. My son listens to audiobooks while he mows the yard. That's how we do it. That's very brainy. That's what he prefers over music. That's what I do too. If I'm on a tractor, I'll put those noise-canceling controls I got on

and just Bluetooth Game of Thrones or whatever I'm listening to at the time through there. And it's really nice. Like, first of all, I'm not hearing the bush hog or whatever I'm running and the tractor and everything, but I don't know. I like it. I like listening to the audiobooks when I do stuff. It keeps part of your brain active that would normally just kind of turn

itself off and go to sleep. I think it passes the time faster than music. At least for me because you get engaged you know like if you listen to music i don't maybe some people do i don't listen to the lyrics as much like i just kind of like oh this is a nice tune with books it's like i'm an active listener and so it's like i'm tracking along with the story and you just i don't know time just passes faster for me if i'm on a road trip, it's never music. It's always an audiobook or something like that. Check them out. So, Call of Duty Modern Warfare Remastered

because I don't know the name of the new Call of Duty, if I'm being honest, comes out what? Tomorrow at midnight, I think. So, I'm really looking forward to getting on there. I'm going to be playing on Xbox One for any of our listeners who want to come play with me. I think me and Chiz will be playing together. I think Taylor, are you going to get on there?

Yeah, I'll be on Xbox One. Anthony, you're on Xbox One for that game too, aren't you? I'm all about PC, but I have it on Xbox One, yeah. Okay, well, if any of you fans out there want to play with us in a couple days, I think the whole group here, including Chiz, is most likely going to be playing some Call of Duty 4. I am so terrible with a goddamn game controller.

I am a mouse keyboard guy. I'm old school that way. I always tell people I've never missed an icon on my desktop as I take my mouse and go, oh, let me click that folder. I can't hit it. Crap. I've never missed. Oh, let me click that folder. I can't hit it.

Crap. I've never missed. I'm just better with it than I am with that little nub trying to get as much control out of a nub on your thumb as is possible. Not that good. I've switched to PC for pretty much all of my gaming now. Almost everything I play is a PC game, but Call of Duty is just one that I've got. I've literally got like 140 days of play time in Call of Duty on a controller, so I'm pretty good with a controller.

That's what I'm used to. I'm pretty bad with a mouse and keyboard in first-person shooters, and I want that nostalgia, that member berries feel. Member, member, member. Member, member, juggernaut member 360 no scopes

yeah so i'm really looking forward to it i got my heart in it like a hundred percent i'll be playing uh and and maybe we'll play some fans. You guys send me a message. I think you know what my gamer tag is and those guys do. So we'll be on. It's almost silly to act like it's athletic. But I played so much Call of Duty on the Xbox controller that I learned muscle memory throughout high school of I could just pick up an Xbox controller.

If I pick up a PlayStation 1, I have to get re-acclimated and like feel it out but xbox like i immediately like remember i change it to the sensitivity i like and it's like i remember exactly how to do what i like to do after a few games so much time in gaming i still have the muscle memory for all the cheat codes for uh grand theft auto vice city i if you put that control in my hand right now i could still just fucking do it and it it's like, it requires all your fingers. It's like R1, R2, and then a circle, and then it's like a full circle of the D-pad

and then down. And there's like three different codes that I have memorized that all differ slightly. It's absurd, all those codes. And it required like all of your, like six fingers to do it in a really quick span of time. But if you play enough Grand Theft Auto, you're constantly hitting the more ammo code, or the more health code, or the more armor

code, so it's just programmed. That stuff will never leave me. Yeah, wow, that's fucking... I don't know. I've been a mouse and keyboard guy, but I hate the... that I have to hunch over the mouse and keyboard, and

then I watch my buddies playing on Xbox, and it's leaning back on the couch, nice and comfy. That's the thing. You're feverishly focused on trying to get it. Exactly. If it makes any difference to you, that's how I use a controller. I'm on the couch hunched over on my controller. Really?

Yeah. I never chill with my feet up. I always relax. I'm always leaned back if I'm on my controller really yeah i never like chill with my feet up i'm i always relax i'm always leaned back if i'm on a controller but like you said like with a mouse and keyboard you kind of have to be even if we're playing civ and stuff and uh you know rts and uh rts games i'm still fucking locked in that thing my neck's hurting that's the only kind of game i prefer on pc is turn-based like Civ and RTS top-down games where you're controlling an army like Company of Heroes, because you can't really

play a top-down strategy game like that on a controller. You just don't have the necessary ability to switch back and forth between controls. It has to be super simplified. I like RPGs on PC now. Really? I don't like that. I feel more connected with my character, with the controller, for some reason.

God, fuck it. The Witcher's just so beautiful on this PC. The Witcher in 4K or at high frames is just outstanding. I mean, there's a reason that people take those screenshots and then open them up in virtual reality just to look around. Yeah, yeah, it's pretty cool. Do you have VR yet, Anthony? I figured you'd be one of the quick people on that. Yeah, I had the Oculus developers for a while before the consumer came out, and then I picked up the consumer. I've tried the, what is that, the Vive?

Vive, I think. Vive, however you want to pronounce it. And I like the controller aspect of it uh hand controllers and stuff something oculus doesn't have yet um but i i still think we're at the real early point of this whole thing there's a lot of demonstration things a lot of things that are kind of cool but as far as real good gameplay goes uh i've yet to see it yeah there's not many there's not many i've got the vibe um and there's a few games that are that actually they have teamwork and uh the ability like there are shooters uh my i think one of my favorites that i started out with is called hover junkers

and your left hand is steering a ship that you're like super imposed inside of and you're just driving around like drive by shooting other people also in hovercrafts and i'll be so into the game that i'm laying in the floor like laying on the floor ducking like reloading with this hand and trying to drive out of there with my other hand and it's you know there's another person also in his living room who's doing his best to shoot over the walls of my hovercraft and like shoot me in the fucking head as i lay on the floor and try to reload my 12 gauge and scoot away and that sort of team like like like it's not it's it's cool to be in there yourself but when you're in there with other people i can't remember the name of the game but there's this game called rec room or something like that and it's like you went to a big rec center like a

big ymca and there's like darts and dodgeball and like table games and there's other people walking around in this virtual arena with their avatars. We're all waving. We're all having conversations and talking in proximity. Playing dodgeball is pretty ridiculous in VR because you squeeze that controller. I wish I could grab it. It's out of reach.

You squeeze the controller to grab the ball. If you don't do it perfectly, you don't grab the ball. It's definitely in the early stages, but it's going to be cool whenever it starts looking good. I saw that Microsoft is doing the Project Scorpio thing, that super powerful console that's supposed to do 4K gaming and VR. I haven't heard about that.

I haven't heard about that one either. I swear they're the next Apple. Who is? Oh yeah, the Edge is looking really cool. Their phones are doing pretty well. They're not selling well, but they look neat. The Surface, they talk about that

dial on it. Oh, that looked insane. So Microsoft and apple both came out products you turn in the dial and that that video has nine million views when i looked at it and in the apple macbook pro thing which a lot of apple people are really looking forward to three million views right a third of the excitement that microsoft generated and and you know kyle's talking about this 4k console and I forget what other thing you just mentioned but it's like damn Microsoft

is coming out with cool products while Apple has been sitting on their hands like the MacBook I get that it's got the touch bar thing but to me it's not really revolutionary all they want to talk about is the ports it doesn't have

that's what Apple came out with yeah that's what they talk about with new Apple stuff it's hey what doesn't it have oh the phone it doesn't have a That's what Apple came out with. Yeah, that's what they talk about with new Apple stuff. It's, hey, what doesn't it have? Oh, the phone. It doesn't have a headphone jack. Oh, the computer, the laptop. It doesn't have a fucking USB. Why is it when I buy Apple stuff, I feel a little bit

fucked in the ass? I should be excited about it. Oh, that explains it. Alright, well, thank you. Now I know. If McDonald's came out with now, the Big Mac 3.0, and it shows a really high-tech thing of the burger, and it's like, now you buy each bun separately.

Make it as you wish. Combine and collect the pieces and make it your Big Mac. And it's like, well, you just made it way more. Now the lettuce is $60, and I don't know. Do I need it? I guess. It's like, no, I'll just get the bare basic one. You're going to need a dongle just to put the special sauce on.

Yeah, a dongle. You need to buy the container for the sauce. It's nonsense. Microsoft comes out with stuff and you're like, why aren't I buying this? I should check that out. Now the answer is Windows starts to suck after a year. Every Windows device

I've ever had. The biggest answer is marketing. Because Apple has done a better job marketing their product as the high end the elite the one you use if you're artistic if you're with it if you're they absolutely have solidified that this isn't like a bash on apple users i think i don't know enough about i'm telling you i know a ton about computers right like this this is my area is where my education is in so my professional career was in etc um the reason i got this new mac so that i could give my wife my old mac to replace the windows one that's really it it's not that i needed a new one my three-year-old one still

goes it's as fast as the day i got it the battery still lasts 10 hours that's not happening with the windows stuff i'm buying where they kind of race to the lowest and and this is like asus and hp and um i think we had a sony these these things are all cheaply built expiration dates yeah it's like all right this would be good for about what 30 months yeah i googled 30 month laptop sure yeah i googled at best and i googled as a guy with a macbook pro macbook pro replacement and it was like a razor really like Really? Like they're going to buy a fucking Razer? Is there a bigger piece of shit computer out there? A notebook than Razer?

Those things arrive broken. I never broke. In its defense. Are you sure? I have a Razer Blade. Yeah, I got a Razer Blade. I must be thinking of somebody else then. I'll tell you what did happen. The charger had an issue. Or something.

It wasn't like a computer issue. They made my charging brick became unworking. somebody else then. I'll tell you what did happen, the charger had an issue or something. It wasn't like a computer issue, it was more, I think maybe my charging brick became unworking and I had to get a new one of those or something. But I got it for free, I don't know. Yeah, and then, I don't know, I could go on. All my Windows machines, they say, oh Woody, it's your fault, you installed an application on it. I'm like, bitch, I install apps on my Mac,

and it has this packaging system where if you uninstall a Mac app, it's totally gone. Why is this fucking brain surgery? You uninstall a Windows app, it's littered DLLs throughout everywhere. I've removed iTunes, but iCloud Tunes Helper seems to still be there for some fucking reason. And everything just sort of loads

in and and your windows machine becomes shit and i tried it like applications have to pass a like a test for me like i need to really need this for me to put it on this machine because i know what it does to it i don't just grab random shit and install it all the time but it still you know like on an ssd drive what used to to boot in 15 seconds is now a minute. What happened there? My Mac is the day I got it, and it's three years old. This shouldn't blow my mind, but it does.

And that's why I got a Mac. It's not because I've been fooled or anything like that. I like that it has Unix underpinning it, because I use that. Fan boy. Fucking Mac fan fanboy i guess so i guess so that might be more true with my phone choice like there might be an android out there that makes me just as happy but i had an android for a couple years or like two or three years and um they weren't my cup of tea so i switched back so i don't know enough about computers for like – all that I see when I'm looking at them is like I look at basic specs

or whatever that my simple non-computer brain can get and be like, all right, well, this Windows is $750, and this Apple has a smaller screen, and it's $1,500. But it is Chrome and cool looking, and I know it will probably – I can drop it a few times more. But I just always go for the cheaper one because it, for my purpose. But like here, it's hard to define why this is important to me. This hinge is as good as the day I got it.

I'm trying to put it out there. When I change it, it just goes and it stays on every like Windows machine I've had. And it's not Windows the OS, obviously, but there'll be this range where, I'm trying to hold it right, where this much of it is the wiggle. So you just put it at the edge of the wiggle that you're happy with and it stays there.

You're totally right about that. That happens to every plastic computer I've ever bought, which is everything but Apple. But the Apple I had in college lasted fine. By the time I ended college, it was like, this thing's still good. It's getting old, but the Apple I had in college lasted fine. By the time I ended college, it was like, this thing's still good. It's getting old, but it works. Computers don't get faster now

at the same rate that they did when you were in college even. Even the new MacBooks are coming out at 8-10% faster. Unless it goes bad for some reason, and these Macs don't go bad like Windows ones do, four years from now, you'll be like, huh, the new ones are

like 12% faster. I guess I'll just stay. Yeah. I'll game on a PC always and then laptop right here is Mac. I edit sound and video and whatnot on a Mac and I'll fuck around with games on a PC. Yeah's the answer is always both right like everybody's like

I don't know the Sony so much better expects forever and I'm just like Buy a fucking both man Who me a money? That's what you do? Yeah, I Haven't turned my ps4 on in four months. I don't turned my PS4 on in four months I don't think

ever since I got the Roku both of those consoles seem just useless now because I'm like man I just recently found out how cool Steam is like within the last year and being like you can just have all these games whenever you want learning how to play on PC, and I don't turn consoles

on anymore because it's like, I'll just pop on the Roku, I can go to fucking any channel I want, I want HBO, I want this and that. I don't know why places like GameStop still exist. I have not walked into a game store or sent for a physical copy of a game

in years. Between Steam and Origin, it's fan-fucking-tastic. You don't leave the house, you get it the second it comes out, pre-order or whatnot. Pre-download. You can have it. You've got it on your machine.

I love it. Taylor, if you start recording your games again, PC just gets that much better. I remember I'd record it and of course i got my pc here and some program here and it's a monitor and oftentimes i just like turn the monitor from like what like one hdmi to the other to like you know see it and get to get shit to work right and um you know like like that's how i record on a console on a pc you press like f9 to turn it on and off or something i don't't actually have it hotkey, but I could.

And like, I don't know. It's just right there. It's always ready for you. Oh, were you fucking around on Facebook and you want to switch to gaming? Press the fucking Battlefield button and now it's started up, right? Or even back and forth.

Multiple monitors. It's just like, well, no, Facebook can keep going and fucking StarCraft can keep going here. It's just the way to go. If you really want to take full fucking control of it and get all that you can get out of a game or any game, it's going to be done on a PC. That Project Scorpio thing is supposed to be really powerful,

but I doubt it's as powerful as my PC. There's's no way one thing where pc is worse in this my experience might be unique but i feel like strangers don't talk to each other while gaming on pc yeah you know on xbox they do and of course you get people who fuck my mom and whatever but um you know like if you're kind of a if you're like me where like usually i'm sort of like team building in there like i'm on bravo i need help you know, like if you're kind of a, if you're like me, where like usually I'm sort of like team building in there, like I'm on Bravo, I need help. You know, I call out deaths and stuff like that. It won't be too many lobbies before I find a like-minded guy and who wants to play with someone like me. And, you know, then that, and then after a while I got popular on YouTube.

So it almost became too much. But even before that, it wasn't hard for me to like make a friend or find a partner and we just you know try to win together whereas on the PC I feel like if you talk they'd all get mad at you your break it's like talking in the elevator or something like we're all in silence I I'm sure there are games that have like verbal communities but like usually as a text box like it and instead we talk a lot but I don't know what game I guess like Call of Duty on PC I guess is it even like one that I'm really talking about like I'm okay in battlefield one people talk to each other and stuff and some guy was pressing a key telling me to

give him orders as a squad leader but I'm too bad a player to get that pulled off and I'm sorry let's's like, oh shit, I don't want to be squad leader. I don't know. Let's go, men. Over the top. How do I even give them orders? I don't know how to give them orders and they're like, we want orders, we want orders. I'm like, I'm just so unqualified. Why would you ever have promoted me to this position?

I know I didn't choose squad leader. What made you think that was I outperforming my peers when the other squad leader left i don't know why i got chosen it's just your turn is this just give them is it like a select a list of orders like or is it you just can be like all right i'm gonna need you to go two clicks north hang a hard left and then you're gonna see the the the sniper i don't even know taylor i don't know maybe anthony can help. Anthony, how do you give orders as a squad leader?

There's a text menu. You pull up the orders like that. But I've heard a lot of verbal commands on Battlefield 1. Really? I would follow that. It seems like the game, relatively speaking, is new. I mean, but they're starting. I'm noticing a lot more people getting on headsets and starting to talk in that game.

It's cool. It's really conducive to that, too. People are sticking together. The maps are really good for that. There's a choice of some really big, roomy maps with a lot of cover and a lot of different options and ways to go around. So it's not like, oh, we're on this map. The guys are always going to come from this way. They always do.

There's a lot more variety in the maps. I like that. I've been meaning to play, but with Call of Duty coming, it's hard to squeeze that in. And Civ VI just came out. You've been playing a lot of that. There's just too many games at once. Yeah, I've gotten fairly good at Civ VI already.

I'm digging that game. Yeah, I figured I would. I like those games a lot. Remember when you'd wait for one game to come out and play it? It's like now there's three games come out that you gotta play and then you're trying to marathon watch Walking Dead or Westworld now.

There's no time for fucking anything but gaming and watching shows. I forgot about Westworld. I need to check that. When I got, my interest peaked in Westworld, but only like two or three episodes were out. So I was like, you know what?

I'm going to sit on it. Wait for like six or seven to come out. And then maybe as I binge watch it and stuff, it'll get to the final 8th or 10th i've been watching it's cool as fuck but they better get to something i can yes i can lose interest here i'm already episode there are three episodes in and so far wait they're only they're only three in but so far they're doing what uh oh maybe oh maybe four maybe i haven't seen the fourth one i've only seen Are they not putting it out weekly?

Yeah, it's every Sunday. Yeah, every. Oh, I must just be wrong. I've only seen three. I thought there were only three out. Maybe there's four. But they're already doing that thing we were talking about much earlier in the show about Sausage Fest, where they take a funny concept and they really are dragging it out.

And they still haven't gotten to anything in Westworld yet. are dragging it out and they still haven't gotten to anything in Westworld yet and I start every episode I get more and more upset that this huge like corporation I guess that runs this fictional world that they upkeep all of these robots

at an obscene price and it doesn't make any sense that they could have this viable business where it's like you know this isn't really a spoiler that much, but like, it's basically like the old movie Westworld where, you know, there's robots in there and they don't know they're robots, they're semi-sentient

and when you shoot them, it's not like they go, they like bleed and scream like people do, and they tried to like make an excuse. Maybe they're bureaucrats. Yeah, well, they tried to make an excuse in the show where they're like, did you ever wonder why we give them you know fluids and and feelings and and blood and flesh and like no why uh fucking hannibal lecter whatever his name is anthony hopkins and he goes

because it's cheaper and it's like no not even in this crazy world am i gonna believe that somehow not having just little robots is a better financial option than filling these things with blood and guts and gore and fat and gristle after every day where it's just people running around hacking their limbs off, putting them on a cart, shipping it back to your scientists and having them re-sew. Like extreme surgical measures on these dead robots every day. It's like this doesn't make much sense. It doesn't make much sense. I was talking about that the other day on my show. I was saying like, I don't care what the price is. A million

dollars for a day for someone to come in there. There's going to be guys that just shoot everything in sight. Kill everything. There's 15 of these robots or whatever you want to call them that now need attention.

The whole price is gone. It's just you're going to lose money on this. The way I was thinking about it is like imagine if it's not a whole fancy world of high-tech robotics and real conversations with robots and whatnot. It's not that. It's just a Lego world. It's just a world that Lego said, hey, pay this amount a day. Come on in.

Fuck shit up. Knock our Lego buildings down. Shoot our big Lego people. And then at the end of the night, all the Lego employees would have to come in and rebuild it and fix it. Even in that world, it's impossible. It would be impossible.

You don't have to let in five people. You don't have to let in five people you don't have to let in ten people let me in charge me a billion dollars a day and I've ruined your business because you can't possibly put it back together that's what this show is except with robotics where they just let people in willy nilly ruining their stuff like raping their robots and then apparently some guy

swoops in and cleans all the semen out at the end of the night and then you pretend it didn't happen the next day you pretend that some other dude didn't fuck this robot six hours ago? How do you get that? I don't know. Unless it's like a pocket pussy you pull out and replace with a new one.

That's fucking funny, man. Yeah, that's what Tim said. You'll enjoy the show, though, maybe. Check it out. I'm saving it like Woody. I'll get into it eventually. I thought I saved it. It does look interesting.

In my head, we talked about it like five weeks ago or something. They might have had a bye week. Some other show I watch. South Park had one. I know South Park took a week off not too long ago. That baffled me. It feels like they're always like... What day does it come out?

Wednesday. Wednesday. I'm always looking for a new one. By the way, the Cubs are almost certainly going to win the series. It looks like. 63, top of the eighth. Yeah, yeah. Chiz owes me five bucks.

So, wait. Are the Cubs – is this an elimination game? Like, is this the final game? This is game seven. This is all she knows. Oh, game seven. Yeah, so it's over. Yeah.

Yeah, they went tonight. And, you know, they broke a little bit of a record there. They came back from that 3-1 series deficit, right? Yeah, to win four straight. Didn't Boston do that? They'll win three straight if they win tonight. Boston did that, not at the series, though.

They did that at the American League Championship Series. They beat the Yankees. 2004, that was a hell of a series. Chicago just smacks St. Louis around like they do. Is that upsetting? Like, that they just have so much success in all these areas? All the Blues just never win a cup?

Are you talking about Chicago? Well, I mean, it's not as traumatizing as being... Are you talking about Chicago smacking around St. Louis in baseball? Yeah, just in general. Like, I feel like Chicago professional athletics... The only team with more World Series than the st. Louis Cardinals is the New York Yankees Oh

The st. Louis Cardinals are one of the best sports franchise out there, and I'm not even a big fan not this year buddy Yeah, not this year. Okay. Well, they won two in the this millennia so far. So that's okay Yeah, the Blues always suck that I anticipate that they don't they don't have they don't suck They get they they're just good enough to let you down. They lost three out of their last four, right? Yeah, they're doing bad now. But still, they're just good enough to let you down. Like, it's just

good enough to keep your hope stringing along. And then the playoffs happen, and you go, this year's going to be different. And then it's not. It's never different. And I was hoping that the Cubs would feel that same feeling that I feel every hockey season. I thought the Cubs would win this year was different nope Cubs are going to win I pull for the flyers and the

canes and I was like I'm just positive that one of these guys are going to win because they played each other who was that guy that wrote in his high school yearbook that the Cubs were going to win the World Series in 2016. I saw that.

And then he said something like... It was like 20 years ago. Yeah, you heard it here first. That was it. And it was years ago he wrote that. Yeah, like not a single player from this team was on it. It must have been 15 years ago. It was 1993.

Man, he is going to be the hero of chicago what else does he know is he from the future does he have a time machine yeah who's gonna win the super bowl he only graduated once he only got one senior quote what else can he tell us yeah right dude we might look back and see him in like a 1970 yearbook a 1930 yearbook like? It was between Donald Trump will be president in 2016 or the Chicago Cubs will win the World Series in 2016. Oh my God, this is great. Who linked this? I clicked it before I even looked.

Chiz did. What is this? It looks like Jim Norton. It looks like Jim Norton was the pilot of this plane. Oh God, yes. Sex selfies in the cockpit. Then it looks like Jim Norton. All right, all right. Look, for the

viewing audience out there, this is an article on The Sun, which is a British paper slash website. So this airline pilot, an Experience 777 pilot, I think it's the big one, is taking all these dirty pictures in the cockpit. He's wearing pantyhose,

okay, with his feet on the yoke, I think you call it, and his dick and balls are clearly exposed. I can't even show this to you guys. Yeah, because they blurred out his taint, but you can clearly see his scrotum. No, no, I see a little pubic hair. I don't see a scrotum. Oh, yeah, you're right. That's probably his fupa. Yeah, his balls are on the bottom of the penis, Woody, and little pubic hair. I don't see a scrote. Oh, you're right. That's probably his fupa.

Yeah, balls are on the bottom of the penis, Woody, and not on the top. Where are your balls at? Are yours at the top? What was I thinking when I looked at this picture? I'm looking. What did I think the deal was? I thought he was pulling his balls up, and that was the bottom of his scrotum. Because he's tilted up. He's in this position. The balls could be up.

He's in like a birthing position. Look at how dirty his feet are. Pilots feet shouldn't be that dirty. What's he been doing? He's wearing stockings. He's wearing leggings. Look at his thighs. You can see the lace. I did not scroll down quite enough. Oh, so you're like, I'm the fool. I didn't scroll down quite enough. Oh, sorry. I'm the fool. Here's another one where he's reaching way across the cockpit with his lacy man leg to operate a very important control, I'm sure.

I would assume, yeah. Yeah. None of those are controls you can just blow off. They're all essential to flying. I don't think this plane is in flight judging by some of the instrumentation what are you seeing I'm very impressed

here it says I have my glasses on experts are almost certain that they were taken during a live passenger flight oh ok now it is look at the left he's at 32,000 feet. Slightly nose up. You see the one with

the board magazine? 32,000 feet. Yeah, this is the lamest Mile High Club member ever. The one with the porn magazine. He's not even a member. He's by himself. Right above the yoke on the right side, you can see his altitude. He's a better... Yeah, where's the co-pilot? He's taking the pictures.

The co-pilot's in the corner jerking it off while he watches all this creepy shit go down yeah he's yeah bring us down this is what turns me on oh fuck i like playing with other people's lives playing with other people's lives it's a joke can you imagine if there were an emergency and like like like you know the the the stewardess or whatever, the head flight attendant kicks the door in, we've got a major emergency! And you're like dick in hand, lacy stockings on, flying the plane with your heel. Yeah, I know! I'm already preparing for the end!

Like trying to deal with this distressful... That's absurd. I can't believe he took those photos because it's... He tailed on the landing gear handle. Yeah. You said it, and at first I thought accident, and then I thought on purpose. Hiding the lever that you as a co-pilot have to operate every day. He's like, fight, fuck it.

He's like, you can smell your hand after this, you fucker, smell it. It smells like a prison rape in here. Like the showers in oz oh what a fucking degenerate man that's great yeah yeah well that's uh that's pretty i i've been watching all these air flight videos like like there's mr aviation 101 i've been watching a lot um try flight junkie or something. I've been watching a couple of them. And I guess I was just giving a little thought to getting a general aviation pilot license. Like, yeah, would this be cool?

I think Paramotor's more fun. There's something about it that's just sky driving. You're kind of trapped. You're filing a flight plan. When you fly, you're indoors. It's sky driving. You told Anthony about this last time, right? Oh oh i've watched the videos they're fucking fantastic wait you watch my videos yeah i mean like flying and shit yeah you flying with a fucking fan on your back

dude i'm really loving that it looks cool as fuck did you you didn't happen to see the one where i launched from my yard. It was like, this is a big deal to me or something like that. It was my most recent. And, dude, I don't know. There's just something special about this paramotor thing. You sit in a chair and you're flying a chair around the

sky. And there's a certain athletic thing to it. You gotta run fast enough and get the wing up. Once you get it, you get it. Then you fly around in a chair and there's nothing. It's like you're flying. You as a dude are flying.

It's more like a bird than you're in a plane. Yeah, and I know that technically I'm operating a flying machine, but the wind is in your air. You ran into the sky. You ran until you picked up enough speed to get into the sky. And, like, I wish I was doing it right now. And then it sticks with me.

Like, after I fly and land, it's not like, oh, that was cool. It's like, dude, can you believe what I just did? I did a thing. I just fucking flew in the sky. And my son is excited. He's like, like daddy you were flying Everyone was looking at you flying around the neighborhood in like a thousand feet in the air and it like it's the coolest thing I don't know why everyone's not doing this. Why are like the price of it's scary. Okay?

I'll give you that. I was so scared I was in the world yeah in the world of flying, the paramotor is like Archimedes' screw. Like very, very old and ancient. And it got water out of the well if you really needed it and you had a large screw. But people don't use it now for the most part. I hear where you're coming from. And I was way more scared, I think, than any of my peers were. They're like, oh, I was scared too.

You're being kind. No, I was petrified. I was petrified to the point where I forgot the shit I learned. I almost pooped your pants, yeah. Yeah, right? It took me back to my childhood. No one's more scared than that seven-year-old child.

Dude, the me of right now, like I flew around last weekend. I went higher, farther, and longer than I had ever flown before. And I'm just like excited. I'm excited. My friend was on the ground with a radio and I'm like, you should be here. This is so cool. And like, I'm going to this lake that was off in the distance. And then an hour later is underneath me. And, and like, I don't know, I just, I really fucking like doing it. And when I look at people fly regular planes and like, look, I get that your plane perhaps has more utility. You know, you can fly it in worse weather.

You can go to more places. Like if I wanted to have lunch at some Texas restaurant, then you'd want a regular plane for that. But when it comes to just like being a bird, like. Well, you're not using it for locomotion. You're using it for fun you're not like i need to go to the store hop in the paramotor it caught so my paramotor was 7400 but you put a wing and buy some training and all that and you're spending like 10 grand

you can get it for i think seven something um that's like motorcycle price and there are so many people who buy motorcycles to enjoy themselves and have a little freedom and get out of the house i'm like dude like for the same price you could fly and maybe i'm abnormal in that i think that that's cool but that's pretty cool i i i'm it's neat to me i i still want you to do some sort of bombing run like like art picture this this is what i immediately just like imagined like like so like what if on the end of your boot there was like a hook so that as you're flying you could hook something that had a little ring on it so now you could have i don't know what it is let's call it a big water balloon with a stick

tied to it and at the top of that there's a ring so you could you could fly over hook it as you're going now you've got a big water balloon tied to your shoe that you can drop at will and you can make continue to make passes you don't have to stop and land and oh let's do shoe that you can drop at will. And then you can continue to make passes. You don't have to stop and land and, oh, let's do this again. You can make a pass where you just keep hooking these water balloons. Just a low pass and catch them. Yeah. They do competitions like that. They take like pool noodles and bend them into some shape.

And then the pilots, they just hold them in the air, right? And their job is just to be a table, I guess. And then the pilot's job is to come by, hook it, and then on the next thing, he drops it in a particular spot, like a big bullseye or something. Okay. So they do have – Water balloons seem like – It does seem like more fun.

It's annoying enough that it would be fun to do to someone, but safe enough that, like, yeah, that guy hit me with a water balloon, and that caused this car accident, and everyone died. Like, that's not going to happen. I don't even know. Like, what if you drop it from high – like, dude, it's super easy to get to, like, 500 or 1,000 or even 3,000 feet, right? So what if you drop a water balloon from 3,000 feet, and it's like concrete or something, and it goes to the top of a car? You know, I never really considered the – I don't know what the terminal velocity for a fucking one cubic

square Then we could all picture that right we can we go got that I Don't know how hard that would hit yeah, I think it might hit no obviously it's like about this this much water, right? Like if you held it up, it'd be be about... I think you'd be okay. I think that that water balloon has to be going... I think from like... I think from like 10 feet or something, it's fun. But I bet it hits terminal velocity at like 40 feet,

and now we're dealing with something bad. Steve Williamson told me if you drop a penny off of a skyscraper and it hits someone in the head, it can kill them. Is he someone you went to elementary school with? He was in my third grade class. I think that's not true. He seemed very sure of it. I also heard that, but I think it was a Mythbusters or something.

I never revisited it. It just flutters around. But I don't think he would lie. Anthony, we haven't talked about politics, really. Who are you for? How are you feeling? Do you hate them both? Are you excited about Trump?

Yeah, well, I really do want to send a message through Donald Trump that this you know we're really tired of okay the government really they're taking the American people for granted they have for a long time they make they're all rich how does that happen in the public service as they're supposed to be doing it's just this business as usual thing that's been going on and Trump Trump, regardless of anything, his past, his business, what he says, what he thinks of women, what he thinks of minorities, where the Mexicans, the wall, all that aside, just put someone in there that isn't one of the usual to show the usual that we're this mad at you. And I honestly don't think anybody put in the

office of president of the United States can do all that much damage by themselves. There's enough checks that we're counting on. Vote Trump. How bad can he be? How much damage could he do? Same stuff, Democratic, liberal politics that just take the working American and make him seem like the bad guy, and everything rests on their back. It's just enough already. They're that bad now where they're ready to elect a lunatic as president because they're the ones that work hard, raise a family, be be responsible and they're the ones looked at at every corner as the bad guy the one who makes this country bad is the working family

we're tired of it and uh people have to do something about it and if that's electing a lunatic like donald trump so be it. Michael Moore is pro-Donald Trump. Have you guys heard his three-minute video on it? He was saying something about that. He liked the idea that if companies were going to take their factories and move them overseas and tell a bunch of Americans that their jobs are gone, that they're going to be taxed up the ass with tariffs before they're able to ship merchandise back into the U.S. And, of course, Michael Moore.

That's like his primary issue, right? If he's a single issue voter, it's that, you know, it's about blue collar jobs. Yeah, blue collar jobs. So, you know, he's still a big dumb asshole himself. To answer the water balloon discussion, it appears that the terminal velocity of a water balloon is about 93 meters per second. That's a half liter water balloon that's spherical. And that has an energy of 2,162 joules, which is about the same as a fucking AR-15.

So, yeah, let's not mess around with water balloons dropped from high enough to reach terminal velocity. Oh, kids, I swear I thought it was going to be funny. I'm so sorry, but my patches are pretty cool. Yeah, well, Trump might really win this. I know, that's the funny thing.

That's another thing. I don't know if this is going to be a squeaker or a landslide either way like that's how fucked up this whole election's been the polls I don't even think can read what's going on in this election there's so many weird things going on that I don't think I was saying

once it was like trying to use a Geiger counter as a fish finder it's like I don't think the polls work with what's going on. I don't think people that are going to vote or have voted in the past or independents or undecideds have any bearing on the polls that are being taken these days. And again, it's so weird that it can be a squeaker either way or a landslide either way. I can't predict it. I believe in the polls. I think they're true. I think they're on targets. I have a little different opinion than you. But the thing is, I recognize them as being a week old. Right. So we've seen Trump's chance of winning. This is the 538 like chance of winning

go from 10 percent to 30 in about a week a week right so we've seen him gain 20 if that had and if that happens in the next week you know then he wins this yeah if he goes from 30 to 50 if that happens again then there we are or it could be at 50 50 right now it's just that polls are a week right that's like the nature of it. Yeah. So he could be winning. The idea that Trump could be winning in the next president of the United States is something that I didn't really think could happen this whole time through. This whole time through. Hillary's chance of winning was always like 75%, 80%, 90%. Oh, she's struggling again.

75% chance of winning now we're watching her at 65 or at 67 and it's a week old and the momentum is his so strong you're like she could be at 50. it's like that ron paul kiff it's happening yeah yeah he might be winning i don't want him to win i i I think bad things happen if Trump wins. I hope I'm wrong. That's what people are saying about Hillary, though. It works both ways. Half of the voters, not even half the country, a lot of the country doesn't vote, but half

the voters at this point are feeling exactly like you just said you felt, but the other way. I was saying half the voters are going to wake up on wednesday morning really pissed and that doesn't matter who wins yes just gonna be mad yeah i i guess i just think of clinton you know is a politician like obama like w like her husband was, like, how do you go back to Bush senior, Reagan, Carter, et cetera, in the same mold as all the other ones. With Trump, I don't know what happens when he wins. Parents are very nervous about that whole thing.

I don't give a shit. I have a cat. He's not concerned about it. Trump loves pussy. We know that. Grab him. Grab him all you want. Well, we'll find out, I guess.

Kyle, do you have a bunch of post rolls to read? I have two little things to tell you guys about. Just remember, get your side hustle on. Sign up to drive with Uber and earn extra cash whenever you want. It's totally flexible. You're your own boss and you can

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to next, and I've got the one. Secrets, Crimes and Audio Tape is an audio drama told week after week. It features stories about crime, love, mystery, or conspiracy with actors you know and love. Some are dramas, some are comedies. The latest episode is a

thriller called Severed Threads about faith, greed, and revenge. Make sure you're not missing a single episode. Subscribe to Secrets, Crimes, and Audio Tape on iTunes, Stitcher, or Wondery.com or wherever you listen to podcasts. Head over to – there's a URL here. Click that. Use the URL down in the description and check out Secrets, Crimes, and Audio Tapes today. Subscribe and enjoy You can advertise podcasts on podcasts?

I wonder what that costs It's a way to listen to podcasts This is pretty meta I'm like, should we be advertising PKA on the end of Rooster Teeth or something? We could write our own ad read too Like, are you tired of this shitty show? For something new. It's been a long time.

It's about fucking unborn fetuses. Because that's the only way you can be sure the blood is pure. Well, tune on in to PKA. Anthony, where can everybody find you? Compoundmedia.com. That's where you go. Like I said, we're doing a big election thing on Tuesday. And yeah, it's a bunch of different shows,

all with the one goal of the network is anything you want to say can be said. No one's going to hurt you. Open, honest, 100% freedom of speech on Compound Media. Thanks. And what if they start talking about Compound in a negative way? Yeah. Oh, shit.

Is that a home run? Wow. They just tied it up. Oh, no. All right. PKA. I can't believe the Cubs are screwing this up. Now I want them to lose so bad.

Oh, my God. I'm going to be so happy if they lose. Are we still recording? We are. We are. We're about 20 seconds off, four hours. I want to hit it. It's not fair if Chicago gets another championship win.

Yeah, they win a lot of stuff, don't they? Yeah. Yeah. Well, actually, I mean, the Bears, it's really only the Blackhawks, and hockey's the least popular sport, so I'm sure most of Chicago doesn't give a fuck, but to me it matters, and I think they've had their fill of victory,

just like New England. New England, settle down. I know, Jesus. And Cleveland. Yeah, Cleveland. Give them a break. They need one, right? I'm trying to Cleveland. Yeah, Cleveland. Give them a break. They need one. What does Cleveland win?

Like the three good things happen to them, right? They just won the NBA championship. Yeah, they won the NBA championship. Maybe it's the trade I'm thinking of. The Browns are probably not going to win a game this season. But the UFC heavyweight champion, Stipe Miokic. Don't, why are you trying this? He's from Cleveland.

Stipe. I thought something else happened for them. Anyway, that was Painkiller already, episode 307. I hope you guys enjoyed the show. I liked it. I thought it was a good one. What, Kyle? Cubs lose.