Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #309

Episode Date: November 25, 2016

This week on PKA, the guys discuss the recent UFC 205, tell stories about co-workers the guys have disliked and scary films.

We're live. Painkiller already, episode 309. Our guest was going to be JD2020, but it was our side. I think we had some technical difficulties. Jesus, the internet has been out for two days. We can't seem to add him to Skype, and we're just going to roll it informally this time. If we add him midway, then we'll add him midway. A great loss to us all. We have a few sponsors tonight. Dollar Shave Club, Diff Eyewear,per mattresses and of course see so we're going to talk about more of those uh talk more about those guys later on the show there's links down in the description if you want to check them out now all right i have let's kick off with a joke it feels pkn ish oh i would

love it is this like a dad joke you might like this this joke. This is risky business, what you're doing. I hope you know what you're doing right now, because usually you give us a few minutes to amp up a little bit. Get us up that rickety roller coaster ascension, and then you ruin it with a joke. By starting the show with a bad joke, you could plummet us to a place that we cannot recover from. The two of you will like this joke.

Bill Clinton tried to cheer up Hillary this morning. He reminded her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected president until after he had served 27 years in prison. Ah, that is a better joke. For no other reason, there wasn't a little pause afterward where I tried to think of the pun

and then couldn't think of it. That's what's really... I don't mind a bad joke as long as I don't feel like a fool afterward. Is that what's been wrong all this time? Hey, my beard is coming in legit. It's strong. How is Jackie feeling about this though? This cannot be. Not a fan. Yeah, she's pretty much not kissing me at this point. Every day I'm like, you know what, like PKN is tomorrow. Why don't we just save it for that? PKA is the next day. Well, I think the beard's going to drop tomorrow morning.

That's what I think. But you got the whole month to go. I think you should – if you go the whole month, then you could start getting into some of those products, some of those beard softening agents maybe. Maybe that's the thing. If you soften that with some sort of oil or something, maybe she would be down. That's what you got to do. But you also have to get to like a critical mass of length. Because until you get to like the half inch length, it's going to be bristly and uncomfortable no matter what. But once you get past that barrier and it will lay down a bit and be softer, that's where you want to be.

And so you just tell Jackie to, you know, this is like working out. You're two weeks into p90x and she's telling you ditch it give up no that's not the kind of guy you are i know woody you stick with it you know you're trying to i'm trying to amp you up oh you're ever or amusing i'll give you that but but the the challenge is that it's gray that's her thing like if it was red and brown, like it's supposed to be. That's what she doesn't like.

How prejudiced of her. Right? Yeah. How dare she? She's anti-old person, yet she's married to me. But she feels like it makes me look like an old man. And that's what we're working with.

That's totally unfair. That's the place that looks best on men. It's like, do you get the little, you know, we've all been to Walgreens. You see the touch of gray guy. He's very attractive. He gets little, little specks over here. You don't have that. You have it more like solid dark here. And then you get a center chin that shows this guy's, you know, he's still full of youth. Don't get me wrong, but he's seen things.

You know, he's, that guy's, this is the kind of guy he's been beaten severely with spoons you know in his own home to the point of shitting his pants a lot of wisdom in those whiskers my graying is a really weird thing there's hardly any gray hair on my head there are touches of it but as i'm looking at it on camera i'm not seeing much but on my beard like it's all focused right here on my chinny chin chin what about your chest hair or maybe somewhere else maybe like that's that's that's gonna be interesting i wonder how does it move and what's the cause of that i don't know thus far all the gray on my entire body is concentrated right here it's all right on the chin yeah i i just have like one albino spot on me, and it's my chin.

You should dye it blonde to fuck with her. Something else. Like, what do you think? Like Hulk Hogan, huh? So, like, me and Kyle are both young enough that we could still, like, in three years, if one of us started, like, getting a bad receding hairline, we'd be like, well, shit, that's it. Like, we're going bald do you feel woody that you've kind of like that you've passed that that's that potential troubled water that you're like all right i'm this old now and the hairline's okay even if i start losing it bad

i can really milk it for for a couple more decades i'm pretty sure bald's not happening like my hair it doesn't look like it's thick as fuck and like if my wife used to cut it like when we lived in apex and if you stepped on it it would puncture the like your palace heels like a splinter you know and people would get like woody hair splinters like a porcupine yeah so it's real thick and it doesn't what will happen i suspect looking at my father is that the corners will go up some more um he's like 70 and he's got a hairline like this but grayer with just a little more so probably in the next 30 years i'll lose half an inch or something on the sides and that's that's what older me will look that's

a great trajectory maybe i'll lose half an inch on the side 30 years when donald trump is being taught about in schools and i saw the other day it was like Donald Trump's Twitter like the year 2028 he's like the galactic lord it he knew thinks that I will not be named the the ceremonial sovereign of the universe he is wrong like well don't count him out he's forgotten about the the working class Keflorkians struggling, ignored by the main space media. Trump news now is more flip floppy than Trump's statements were a month ago. Right. It's like, oh, my God, his whole cabinet is filled with insiders. It's he like whatever.

He's filling the swamp with old swamp water. It's like the basic thing I'm hearing. And then today, every lobbyist in the transition team that I guess Christy brought in there is out. In addition to that, like every, he had Pence. Pence, I guess, is in charge of that transition team now. So they call it a purge. They purged all the Christie people. But then in addition to that,

anyone who was a lobbyist, they fired off the team. And then, of course, there was all that talk of making his children or giving them top secret access. And at first it was like, well, I guess that kind of makes sense

that if he talks to them about anything and everything, but wait a minute, there was this whole thing where they were like, the kids are going to be in New York running the business you can't do both you can't have them running a global business and have top secret access in the United States which is just information about anything and everything they could want it's not fair you can't do that and then he's like I never wanted that they just said that about me they're always lying what are you you going to do? And you're like, well, shit.

He says he's not now. Like, he has to tell us that he does. I don't know if it was ever true, but I'm sure it's not now. So, okay then. You know, disaster avoided. Did you see the thing he did with, like, skipping out on the press and going to dinner? No, what happened? Yes. So, they made such a big deal out of it that it makes the intelligent viewer – no.

It makes the viewer with any kind of like common intelligence look at them and go, wow, you guys are just kind of jerks, huh? Can you explain what it was that they made a big deal out of? Sure. So they have already – and look, I'm not a Trump lover, but I do attempt to be fair, and this was unfair. They have branded – nice, Kyle. They have branded Trump's administration the least transparent administration in history seemingly because he skipped a press event and went to dinner with his family. Has his administration started yet? So here's exactly what happened.

Go ahead, correct the record. The evening was getting late, and Donald Trump sent word to the press corps, which always follow him constantly at this point as the president-elect, not just him. They're there with him. That's their job. He's like, yes, I'm assigned to the president-elect. They're guys whose jobs are just to sit with him

and cover him, anything and everything he does. He sends word down, milk and cookies time, boys and girls. I'm going to sleep up here in Trump Tower. That's a night. So they all, like, are packing their shit up. Some of them go home for the night. Some of them are still waiting downstairs, but they're not ready to do their job, to, like, hop in the car and go record shit. They're retired for the evening as well.

Then he goes downstairs, gets in his car, and takes his family out to a steak restaurant, the 21 Club or something, and just has dinner in the dining room. And the media, like one guy catches up and has to snap a photo through the window, and you can see Donald in there going, hey. Changed my mind. Got a little peckish. And that's a little, to me, it's like, all right. So he snuck out and went to dinner. That's kind of mischievous and funny. That's the sort of thing that I kind of admire.

It's like, yeah, he wanted to go get dinner. So he said, fuck them. They don't need to cover what kind of steak I order. I didn't want them following him. But then the press made it sound like, oh, my God. Look at him sneaking away in the night to eat red meat. What if he's just a

well done steak kind of guy and he has to keep that on the down low? This is the level that it's at. I know what he ordered. He ordered a virgin Bloody Mary to drink and he had himself very healthy. Pretty much. He doesn't drink alcohol. Yeah, he ordered a Virgin Bloody Mary to drink, and he had himself... Yeah, absolutely.

Just had a V8. Had himself very healthy. Pretty much. I like V8s. Yeah, he doesn't drink alcohol. Yeah, I heard that. I didn't know that. I don't mind that at all. Yeah, I mean...

I think he's against... Not against other people using it, maybe. Maybe he is, but I know that part of his identity is being a teetotaler. Like, I don't drink. I don't do drugs. I don't think he's going to be the pro-pot president that people are looking for. Could be wrong. I bet he gets fat.

I bet he gets fat in office. Maybe so. That's a solid thing. He's not a cigarette smoker, to my knowledge. He's not a drinker or a drug user, to my knowledge or anyone else's, as far as I know. So food's got to be that guy's vice. We saw the slow ballooning of the lower half of that man's body throughout the second half of this campaign,

and I think we're going to continue to see that grow in record percentages throughout his campaign. You know how presidents, they look incredibly different, like, eight years later? Trump is going to come out like a Chris Christie with bad hair. Just so fat maybe so I could definitely see him gaining quite a bit of weight

he has plumped up a bit although for someone who cares about his self image so much I don't know this is the guy who loves to make I was watching a whole montage of his old shit the other day and he was going on and on about Rosie O'Donnell he was like oh yeah she about Rosie O'Donnell.

He was like, oh yeah, she's not just a fat slob. She's an ugly fat slob. Even as he makes it clear, she's like, oh, she could lose the weight, sure. But then she'd be a fat slob. And even if she wasn't an ugly fat slob, well, she just sounds like a truck driver. You've got a truck driver's mouth. You know, you're just like everything.

Even given all the surgeries that you could absolutely, if I gave all my money to surgeries for Rosie O'Donnell, she would still be ugly on the inside. That's some specific bullshit that he would say. Well, it's just, man, I think everybody is still in shock over that whole thing. In shock. It's just like, I'm going to wake up one morning and it's going to, reality will overturn.

We're going to take it back. Yeah, I'm going to wake up one morning and reality will take it back. I'm still waiting on January 20th when they're like, this isn't happening. I don't know. That obviously won't happen. I'm glad it's over. People can start getting along. Remember how happy the internet

was before the political part of the year? How everybody just got along and they weren't vicious and awful about other things. I like dislike. My most popular Facebook post ever thus far says the following. One, I just voted. It was election day. Two, I didn't talk about politics once on Facebook.

I'm the best kind of Facebook friend. Everyone's liking it. People are sharing it. It's going viral. No one wants to hear your opinions on Facebook. And it's either liberals who are just crazy angry, trying to like find reasons conservatives are bad, or conservatives who spread misinformation,

like that fucking, like they take the blue versus red areas of the country and juxtapose it against a fake crime area like if you guys have seen that one no wouldn't that always work to show like there's way more crimes in the blue it's like of course there's more crimes in those areas if you look at a map because there's way more fucking people in all of those areas maps of the same thing like like the crime map is just another electoral map from like two years earlier and they've rebranded as this is where the crime happens i love seeing stuff on the internet where someone like i assume you swoops in and is like aha bullshit hold on

like well they'll show like a picture of like a super zoomed in, just like the cells of zucchini, and it'll say, like, you know, this is what the Zika virus actually looks like. It splits, and this nodule right here becomes something that seizes control of your red blood cells and takes over your body and gives your kid's head that little shrunken, you know, Dobby look. And then someone will comment and be like, that's just a really zoomed in picture of a vegetable and they're like well but the point still stands yeah with abortion i was just going to that like here's a picture of an aborted baby and it looks like a hairless three month old or something it's terrible it's literally lord voldemort from harry potter i've seen a similar one where someone said something about like uh this looks this is the joker and uh it's uh it's it's from batman and he's fully dressed up in like military garb and

he has horrible scarring on his cheeks and they're like oh my god how could you say it no this is literally the joker from batman returns oh they're showing the scene my god, how could you say it? No, this is literally the Joker from Batman Returns. Oh, they're showing the scene where he doesn't have the makeup and he's dressed as Honor Guard or something with a rifle and they're making him out like he's a vet. Yeah, yeah. Anyway. I think that's a

Tumblr post because I've definitely seen that before. Some of those Tumblr screenshots are hilarious. Dude, Tumblr. Because people are so quick to get offended that i guarantee people will post up like you shouldn't be making fun of vets with facial scar and you don't know what the trauma they go through enter and then they look back at it they're like oh fuck that's clearly the joker i should have thought about it before i got so upset oh my god tumblr is the worst part of the left and facebook might be the worst part

of the right. I want to ask your opinions on one of Donald Trump's more outrageous things. And it's not outrageous to your common sense, but I guess when international law and sovereign countries come into the mix, taking the oil. You know, he always talked about, like, we spent $2 trillion in Iraq, then we left the oil behind for Iran and ISIS. And that really speaks to our common sense, right? Yeah, we did spend $2 trillion. We lost 7,000 Americans or something like that. Hundreds of thousands of Iraqis died. We rebuilt stuff over and over, just god that's the you do that and then the whole system comes down and and and and i want to side with someone who knows so much more about it than me but what is donald trump going to say when it comes to something like that what's going to happen the next time we end up in a little tussle with a country that might have a little oil Or maybe they've got some diamonds or some coal. He likes coal.

He does love his coal. He's a big fan of coal and coal votes. Yeah, you want to side with someone who knows a lot more. Sadly, I'm not your guy. I think I'm just a regular person like you who's like, huh, you know, it would be great to recoup some of that money we gave, you know, because freedom's expensive.

Freedom don't come free. it's exactly like an always sunny where they say that all the trash that they burn goes up as smoke into the sky and then creates stars and that goes that doesn't sound right but i don't know enough like that's what it is it's that kind of situation where i'm like this there's something fucky going on, but I don't know enough about any part of it to have any insight. I just feel like, yeah, I'd love to get some of that money back. But you know it's just taking the violence and kicking the can down the road, right? Like, if we're making money by getting this oil out of their earth, then, you know, I assume there's like 100,000 Marines there protecting shit that's going down. there's like a hundred thousand marines there protecting shit that's going down and uh at some point there will be a problem and there'll be an uprising and it'll be an issue and we're just

kicking that violence down the road there's probably i bet we're doing it now in a much more clever way like oh yeah yeah no no no no we're gonna split the profits and oh pay no attention yeah that's exxon's refinery right there. He talks about OPEC too, right? He talks about OPEC setting the price of – I saw the old thing. He's like, every time we lower the interest rate, they raise the price of oil. He's like, that's bullshit. We should be on the phone with OPEC. His quote was, get that goddamn oil price down. That was literally his quote.

And I'm wondering, is he going to try to put a hand into that? Is he going to be calling out the Saudis? Dude, there are a lot of similarities between W and Trump. And on PKN, we had a little dust-up. Like, you were like, oh, you say I apply a filter, what Trump says, and take out. Because I did that when I voted for W. That was me. And then it turned out a lot of the shit he said that I ran through the Woody filter,

it turned out that he meant what he said. And I was like, oh, I will never again vote for someone on the hopes that he means what I want him to mean. W said, this is his quote, he's like, you know, I'll get the price of World Down. And they're like, how can you do that? He's like, I'll call up OPEC and I'll jawbone him. I'll jawbone him and tell him to bring it down. And I'm like, all right, finally, a president who jawbones. This is what I've been waiting for.

It turned out oil prices were ridiculous during W's term. Yeah, Katrina was a huge part of that, too. God, I remember the price of it. The Iraq war and the instability in the Middle East in general was a big part of it. I don't know. Did you guys have the shortages, though, all the Middle East in general was a big part of it. I don't know. Did you guys have the shortages, though, all the way up in North Carolina? Because when the Katrina thing happened, that cut off where our oil comes from seemingly in Georgia. Or gasoline.

It's not like we're filling our cars up with oil. But the gasoline just wasn't flowing anymore. I think a pipeline got damaged by the thing. It wasn't just the drilling. The drilling stopped offshore of course but it seemed like a pipeline was also damaged there was like four dollar and fifty cent gas in atlanta it was awful i feel like katrina raised the prices here and we were all like advised to chill with our gas burning but i don't remember the pumps being empty i will say just

recently like a month and a half ago, maybe two months ago, a pipeline burst. Did it burst in Georgia? Where did the pipeline? Alabama or Georgia, somewhere like, I remember it was close

because it directly affected us. My local station didn't have premium, which is what I put in my car. And so that was as much as I was inconvenienced, you know, what a first world problem. Dude, ours was way worse. 87 octane. I wouldn't drink that piss water. that was as much as i was inconvenienced you know what a first world problem ours was way worse 87

octane my i wouldn't i wouldn't drink that piss water like absolutely not go from station to station to station just looking for one with gas and the lines were like like they would go outside the gas station into the road and stuff like we were we were really inconvenienced it was hard to get through as a guy who doesn't even drive to fucking work. Yeah, it was not like that at all here. It just, gas was like four bucks and nowhere ran it. I remember being in the car on like 9-11 or some day when my mom was like stopping to get gas because she was all freaked out or whatever. It might not have been 9-11.

It must have been though because I was very young. And it was like enormous lines like the street like you couldn't turn off of the street into the gas station because there were so many people lined up trying to get gas but if um if you were the president and uh you know you sit down you have that top secret briefing and i'm sure they they brief him on you know all of the direct threats and indirect threats and all the uh the global uh challenges that they're facing you know this no one knows it but this guy actually has three missiles that could reach Israel, and we're keeping a close eye on it in the Persian Gulf with this cruiser and that. He's getting all that, but what would you want to know?

At the end of the briefing, what would you stop and be like, all right, that's great, good to know where the Pacific fleet is and everything. It's nice to know that Medicare really was a scam and that it's gonna go bust in 15 or 20 years but did what happened with JFK could I get to the bottom of that like did we ever figure that out or what about aliens what was that all about do we have we ever seen any aliens for Roswell is what you'd want to ask about now right bulls aliens in general I feel like if you just ask about Roswell then you're limiting yourself

you want to be like have we actually i have two because i was just thinking about this today one have we is there any alien like have we ever contacted aliens is there any truth is hook me up with the inside info and two did we shoot down that plane over penn on 9-11. I'm not a huge conspiracy guy, but that plane was scattered for miles. And planes tend to hit one spot. And structurally they suck because they have to be real light. And they just like

a missile into the ground. They just kind of torpedo into... Crumple up, yeah. It's a hollow shell when you look at that plane. It's all aluminum. 747s turned into a crushed car when they hit the ground and uh but this thing there were like papers and shit scattered about and that's why i think also you know like the passengers took control of the cockpit like that was on audio like everyone heard it and uh and then what the passengers drove it into the ground like i don't know what the scoop is.

It could be that they just didn't know how to... Because, like, if I conquered the cockpit of a plane, I wouldn't be like, time to get this back on track. I'd be like, what now? You know, who knows what to do? Does anybody know? I hear you. I don't know. I don't know. Like, I don't know. I've never

flown a plane. Dr. Mantis to buy it here. But I totally feel like I could not hit ground. Just pull it up and say, someone talk to me. Yeah, is there anyone more qualified? I don't know. You don't think I'm a pilot? So I'm convinced that plane in Pennsylvania was shot down. That's a serious accusation. And then there were other things.

And again, I'm not going to confirm that my sources are good, but people who weren't me were doing the math, saying like, you know what? The intercept from like D.C. to Pennsylvania for whatever it was, like an F-18, is like 12 minutes. And it was like 16 minutes, and they were shot down. Like they were there. Like I don't know. And there were like flight controllers who were interviewed no flight controllers just regular people who mess up but they said it was shot down i thought it was shot down and i wouldn't so i'd

like to knock on that right for all i know when he when they killed those 300 people they saved 6 000 right like we had seen three planes already hit world trade center world trade center and pentagon oh there's no video of the pentagon getting hit right you know that's one of those things where there's also a bit of a conspiracy and some bullshit about they call it a missile i watched i watched a long uh it's called like loose change i think was the name of the documentary where it was like all those college kids being like you know uh the government told you that it was a plane that destroyed this building but what they don't want you to know is that this fuel doesn't burn hot enough to melt the beams and if this is the hole where the plane entered where's the plane and they they asked it in the

in the show with like such jubilation it's like are you getting off on this like like thinking about you being smarter than this like like thinking about you being smarter than this machine like it wasn't like you know and unfortunately you know we were deceived it's like but you fell for it idiots but then of course that means that they landed the actual plane that supposedly hit the pentagon on some on some dark base somewhere executed all the people on it buried him in the fucking desert and destroyed the plane and also popular mechanics had an interview where those guys like had a nice conversation like a sit down with all those college kids and just like very even handedly destroyed them like just even they'd be like well how do you explain steel doing

this and that and they'd be like well you know i i admittedly it doesn't make much sense if you only have a cursory understanding of thermodynamics and steel uh electron construction management or whatever i wish we had a murder and then he goes off on something where he's like you know and it's deteriorated to about 13 and then what you notice is the carbons get too hot inside the the metal and it breaks down or whatever the explanation was. And I was like, man, that is convincing because there were a lot of science words in there. I trust them. I saw something convincing.

It was a YouTube video, and it was basically, what was it? Jet fuel doesn't burn steel or melt steel beams. And based on what I know of this, right now I'm not an expert, but jet fuel doesn't melt steel beams. It doesn't get that hot. However, there is a state between great and melted that is also bad. So it weakens, and steel beams start doing this shit. And the domino effect happens top to bottom. Although we don't see that in other instances of, like, tall skyscrapers burning for whatever reason.

I'm guessing that maybe the height of the building, the wind, something like that, maybe created an effect like a forge where you've got bellows. Because wood and coal doesn't melt steel either, does it? But it does in a forge when you're blasting air into it, you get the temperatures up to incredibly high degrees. We made one in the backyard once with a hairdryer and some bricks. It melts steel just fine. That's a good point.

I've never heard that point made before. It's probably not true and that's why. No, it sounds true. I choose to believe this. Alright, well then cite me in future instances. Oh, I will. Now I have a credible source. I've known this guy for years.

I once heard a source on a podcast explain a bellows effect that was created because of the height of the two towers. You see, those buildings were 1,000 feet high. They call that the Myers conundrum. This is the best QA stat thus far. This is the best one ever. Feel free to cite me in your papers at school, kids. That'll get you a good grade. I would love to see a screenshot of someone who turned in a real paper with red marks on it,

and they just find a way to put in this heating mechanism, also known as the Myers Forge, and then continue there. Myers Forge, you know, and then continue there. They just have to read it and be like, man, you know, unless they are teaching blacksmithing, the teacher's not going to read it and go, that's bullshit. They'll just read it and go, huh, I guess that's on

Wikipedia or whatever. I'm not going to look it up. The Myers Forge. Who knew? Yes. Knock some windows out of the World Trade Center and set it on fire. You got the Myers Forge. I would like to know about stuff like that. There's a lot of stuff. I'd like to know about some of the dirty shit the FBI has done because especially under Hoover, they operated like a blackmail machine, right?

Utilizing the cutting edge of technology to spy, to infiltrate, not just on embassies, not just on foreign governments, but on private citizens who were suspected as being rabble-rousers, you know, people who might be a leader for the Communist Party, people who might be a leader for blacks or Jews or whatever minority that Edgar Hoover was fearful of. And not just that, he would collect information and blackmail on people that he thought that he could manipulate. He had audio of Bobby Kennedy doing some stuff he shouldn't do. He had supposedly audio of JFK and

Marilyn Monroe. He had lots of little buttons that he could push to enforce his will across the country. He was a super powerful guy. And I wonder, does that go on? I don't know. You you wonder if that's what i would ask i'd be like shit on cheney or something that like i don't know i i maybe i'd like to know

what we're doing as far as i know we assassinate people i know we assassinate people all the time have you ever seen that youtube video where this former female government employee is talking about this heart attack gun that the CIA created and how it can cause a heart attack by, you know, pointing at someone? And I don't remember if it was a dart or something like that, but it caused cardiac arrest within a certain amount of period and they just died. And that was back in the 70s. And she's explaining this very matter of factly, not in like a, and you'll never believe what else they've got. She's just like, yes, the program started in 1972 under Jake Gyllenhaal, and it continued on through 74 when they completed the project and killed this guy with it. And because I think we killed Hugo Chavez, you know, the guy from Venezuela who was talking all that shit on Bush. He's got a very oil-rich

country. All of a sudden, this head of state who, just like ours, I'm sure, is under constant medical supervision, always getting these checkups so that the people can feel happy that their all of a sudden this head of state who just like ours i'm sure is under constant medical supervision always getting these checkups so that the people can feel happy that their leader is is healthy we do that all the time everyone does all of a sudden he gets like i don't remember which cancer it was but he gets cancer and he dies within a year a year and a half something like that and now you look at venezuela they've got hyperinflation i think i heard it called it's to the point where they weigh their money for purchases there instead of counting it. That was the guy who like, and oh yeah, at the UN. My money would all be wet.

All your money is wet and covered in sand. George Bush would be at the UN, or he was at the UN, giving a speech, speaking to everyone, the world really. He gets off stage, and Hugo Chavez gets to go up next, and he gets up there and goes,

I can smell the sulfur. Satan was just here. Yes, I can smell the sulfur. He said that? The brimstone. Yeah. They said that about Obama during the last political campaign.

Did you guys see that? He literally smelled himself and said, I don't smell like sulfur while he was campaigning for Hillary. It sounds crazy when I say it, but it was pretty charismatic when he pulled it off. Well, he's dead now. Obama killed him.

If I became president, I don't remember if this is a snippet of a conspiracy documentary or just a dream that I had, but I'm sure that there's a book, a physical book somewhere, this is on the cloud, with lots of pictures of previous people in power doing very lascivious and lewd things so that when they leave office

they can't immediately go, aha, now that I'm free, let me tell you all the shit and bring the system down. They go, no, you know, we got this photo of Obama dressed up like a baby getting his dick sucked by some hooker, and so that can always come out. There's old monochrome daguerreotypes

of William Taft, like etched in silver, getting his dick sucked. Like that kind of stuff. That's what I want to see. Like just the old stuff. I want to see all of the old, like Taft, or just like, you know, what they probably did for him is he got stuck in the bath and they said,

you know, no, don't help him out just yet. This is the time. And they set up that thing. I'm going to throw that tiny camera in here. Throw that sheet over my head. Another bomb, quickly! More flash powder! This is like the Pelican

brief, right? When they got the character to behave by getting him to cheat on his wife. Yes. It's exactly like the Pelican brief is what this is. Who do you think did the nastiest shit? Here's what I believe. So have you seen that whole piece of gate thing on reddit that's a little bit it's too fucking conspiracy theory uh for me i refuse to get into it but um something about

sorrows um and uh child and uh a whole ring of people fucking children and uh people high in government um they seem to have a lot of evidence. Is it like the Lolita Express thing? No, it's something else. Seems more demonic in nature. My mom believes every conspiracy theory, provided it's anti-Democrat. Like, in the same sentence,

she has told me that Hillary Clinton is a lesbian who's not interested in men, and in the same sentence said that Vince White was Chelsea's father, and she stepped out of her marriage. I believe both me and your mother are on the same page with this one. Really? Who is it, Vince White? If she was a lesbian, wouldn't she cheat with women?

No. Yes, she doesn't cheat. I think she probably has some sort of relation. We're just guessing right now because we hate her, or at least I am. Maybe that Uma lady, maybe Debbie Wasserman Schultz. She's got a very butch look. But sure, I think that she's probably at least bisexual. She just strikes me that way, that she would be into women.

But I think that she needed a child. They wanted to create a child. And what I was reading through the crazy people was that either Bill was unable or unwilling to give her a child. Like, maybe he's sterile. And that she went to this other guy. And then they showed the pictures of that other guy and Chelsea. And they look quite a bit alike, I suppose.

But she looks so much like her quite a bit alike, I suppose. But she looks so much like her mother that it's, who knows? To me, she looks like Bill, the nose. She does. She's definitely, that's why I never understood the she's not, I mean, obviously this is like turn-of-the-century style, like face-recognizing, like not actually genetic, but she looks like Bill's daughter. I don't even like to be, I don she looks like she's got bills bullshit she's got bill's nose to a t like i

if you looked at her you'd go that's a bill clinton looking bitch like that she just does like i don't think that bill clinton and not not today but i i feel like you know bill clinton in his prime was a decent looking dude like, like better than average-looking. And Hillary Clinton, I think, was a better than average-looking woman in her prime. And they have combined to create a child who is clearly the worst attributes of all of them. Not even close. Yeah, their kid is not nearly as good-looking as either parent. And Bill Clinton looks like Billinton got on the president age you

know treadmill where it accelerates aging and then he never got off he looks like he's been president for 30 years like you remember uh do you remember that that x-man that would like be giving you a hand job or making out with you and then you started like withering up and dying whatever her name is it looks he looks like she is she is 60 of the way sucking his life force out and then like then she removed his hand and then let him go like and now he's just kind of a shell of his former so it's really just his eyes there's something like so sunken and sallow about his eyes he looks so much older for what he's done and what he's been through. The presidency, being married to her, and then on top of it, of course, he had all those heart troubles. He had

that issue with his weight for a while. He was a pudgy guy that took a toll, I'm sure, that otherwise wouldn't have been there. He had a couple of heart surgeries, maybe a heart attack. I don't recall exactly. I get him a bit confused with Cheney. They both had bad tickers. But he wasn't healthy for a long time. And now he's, I don't know if he's vegan or vegetarian, but he seems to be in a real health kick. And he's still alive. He gets around. His voice is weak. The main thing was that he wasn't used at all, if you noticed this last election, or certainly not utilized the way you would expect a former president as beloved, at least I thought he was, as he is, it seemed like they were afraid to put him out there because of his past

and because they wanted to magnify Trump's issues with females. It really didn't fit that to have Bill out there. Maybe that's it. Because Trump was quick to attack Bill. Maybe they thought putting Bill out there wouldn't help them. Yeah, it was Bannon's idea. They had Obama and Michelle out there doing super well for her. And I thought there was a third one, too.

I can't recall anymore. Jay-Z and Beyonce were there in Chicago. And LeBron James, you know. Yeah, but I can't think of who the other one was. I thought they had a third one who was doing a really good job. Like another politician or another celebrity? Another politician. I don't know of who the other one I thought they had a third one who was doing it really like another politician or another celebrity another politician I don't know who it was maybe I'm just wrong but but yeah maybe they just felt like you know a fourth one doesn't really help much anybody uh is anybody moving to Canada like as anything like is yeah

I figured there'd be at least one person who was like you know what fuck it I'm gonna be the person who sticks around my guns yeah I, I think George Lopez is sticking by his thing of leaving the US, or at least I read that today that he was, and also Snoop Dogg, he seemed pretty serious about going to Canada. So, we'll see. Who cares, right? Who fucking cares?

That's no skin up. It doesn't matter. And it's just, how presumptuous of them, right, to be like, you better watch out, voting electorate You'll get no more Snoop Dogg music, but oh you're gonna retire no no I'm just going to Canada smoke up there well fuck off go smoke up there like I think America great again Good luck without Snoop Doggy dog how many states added legal marijuana? It was like eight states that had some really the whole west coast is wrecked legal now i think you got

cali oregon and uh washington state nevada as well i think i saw it green on a map today but i hadn't heard or read it so i'm just gonna call nevada wrecked too florida got medical and i think it's legit medical not like yes if you're on the edge of being dead we'll give you some oil but of course there's no way to get that oil or grow it or bring it into the state. If you magic up some oil, you can have it. Some states do that. And then Massachusetts legalized it, right? What's legit medical?

Is that like what California had where it's like totally not legit? That was not legit. I don't know what legit is. I guess it's my opinion. But like so what California had before was like Dr. Dude could surf on in and write you a prescription. Dr. Dude. Perfect. Yeah, bro.

Hey, Chad, you want a script? Have a nice day. Like he puts it on his surfboard and writes it out. Yeah, I have a lot of trouble sleeping too, man. I know someone who did it. And he said it was like a ticket booth environment. He was working on his speech in his head. Like, yeah, right.

I get anxious sometimes. I just can't control it and my back hurts. like a ticket booth environment he was working on his speech in his head like yeah right i get anxious sometimes i just can't control it and my back hurts and he was like ready to tell his story and he gets there and the doctor like behind a glass i think i think i have all the details right it's like oh you did a script hands it to him he didn't even get a chance to explain why he thought marijuana would benefit him it was just oh yeah, I sign here for 75 bucks. To do that, that like I would be in line and be like, I'd give him the thing and then he signs it and gives it back.

Like I would almost feel like, well, but just, you know, doctor, just to let you know, like I do have trouble sleeping and he'd be like, yeah, get out of here. I wasn't just here because I want to get high. Yeah, yeah, me too, man. Rough election, am I right? Yeah, rough election. I'm just trying to smooth out these vibes.

Have you heard about all the... Wait, I interrupted Kyle on the legit thing. Yeah, let's keep going with the rec marijuana thing. All right, so that's not what I would call legit. Like, if we're talking about medical, like, there are people who need it. It is medicine for some. That's not exactly legit.

That's too liberal if you're only looking at it from a medical standpoint. It just depends how you feel about rec, if that's not exactly legit. That's too liberal if you're only looking at it from a medical standpoint. It just depends how you feel about rec, if that's legit or not. But no, I don't think that's too much if you're just going for rec. But some of the states will do this thing where it's just impossible to get. They're like, yeah, you can use it if you're dying of this kind of leukemia or this cancer or AIDS, but then there's no system, no legal way to obtain it through either import or cultivation. But then there's some states that have kind of a middle-of-the-road thing where, like, yeah, if you have one of these issues, if it's glaucoma, if it's AIDS, if it's one of these painful stomach cancers, whatever, you certainly can get it.

And then some states leave it there, and then some states it branches on down. Oh, you got back pain, PTSD, stress? Got a sore throat? Receding hairline? Yeah, sure. Get yourself some pot. Anything you want. Just keeping me up at night, losing all my hair.

Doug, I need pot. My beard's turning gray. Get me some smokes. Well, the first flying machine that I bought was nothing but subpar. So I had to go and get a second one. And this caused me a huge amount of stress. I haven't been able to mow my lawn. I want to do a paramotor update sometime tonight.

Yeah, I want to hear about it too. You never got to it the other day. So Massachusetts, I think, legalized recreational marijuana. I'm pretty sure that happened. Maybe. I think they did. So a lot of states. Finally tipping a little more.

Like, I think we're going to see that avalanche in the next five years, hopefully. Right. Like, what's the soonest it could be on a ballot for a state like ours? Twenty twenty. I think Trump is much more likely to. I don't think he's going to mess with it, but I don don't think he's gonna be like oh this is no good we got to come down federally on these states i don't think that's gonna happen um i know hillary and you know through the wiki leak stuff there were lots of reports of you know snippets of her speeches to donors of saying that

that she was very against it so he can't be any worse than her on the medical marijuana thing. I think that she takes a lot of money from pharmaceutical companies, and I think that people who make opiates are probably not a big fan of medical marijuana. The research I did said that Hillary was more pro-pot than Trump. That's what I saw because I looked into it. Having said that, neither of them were really that against it. Trump was like, I'm against it. I don't want any part of it. It's a bad thing. And then they started saying, like, well, you're going to do this. You're going to do that.

He said something paraphrasing, but it was something close to look, we have a lot of priorities. So it sounded like he was going to Obama this thing, like not make it legal, but just look the other way while the states do their thing. That was my reading in between the lines on Trump's thing. Not make it legal, but just look the other way while the states do their thing. That was my reading in between the lines on Trump's thing. It doesn't seem like anybody comes out against weed anymore. You'd have to be like a crazy, far, far right Christian conservative, or

someone on the left, I guess. Well, they wouldn't do it for religious reasons. They would do it if they were bought by pharma, same as the right. Hillary was pro-pharma. Nobody out there in the population, people like us, nobody's that against it anymore. Like it's just kind of whatever. Hillary was like, I think the states are forming a petri dish, I forget,

some sort of testing ground to see how this works on a broader level. She was particularly interested in making medical marijuana legal, not necessarily recreational. And Trump was just against it, but i felt like he almost like if i put the woody filter on this he was against it because he's trying to win an election and we'll you know we'll see what happens afterwards i think it'll help or i'm interested to see if it does help with uh because there's a huge problem of opiate addiction with those painkillers and all those pills and people using that and then eventually not being able to afford that and transitioning to heroin for that same effect and then dying from like that fentanyl or whatever maybe it's

actually not a huge thing but it's it was on the news and they don't hype that up for no reason oh no i'm sure dare was covering it i bet weed would really cut down on stuff like that because suddenly people be able to just take a few hits or eat some of the oil or whatever you do with the medical stuff and not need a horrible pill that makes you addicted and You can OD on or die if you take too many like there's just no it's fucking annoying because there's no reason not to have legal Weed I've never seen anybody get so high that they were a danger to anyone but themselves like sure Maybe someone falls down the stairs pretty hard, but know 15 minutes later they're fine usually like but

they'll wake up they'll wake up whatever i mean just burn another one down and wait man like yeah it's just so ridiculous that's an issue that just like gay marriage even more so than gay marriage because there are still people who are like gay marriage even more so than gay marriage because there are still people who are against gay marriage now but even those people i don't feel like care about weed even like my grandparents who are religious more hardcore conservative don't care about weed like they've i don't i doubt they've ever even smelled it in real life because it's just not around them where they grew up in southern missouri in the 50s that whole like devil's cabbage sort of

mindset that group of people seems to have disappeared you know i i uh i hope it'll be legal everywhere soon yeah they're dying um and if they should they're and they're they're falling to medical marijuana they're like oh i used to hate it but god i need it so bad for this glaucoma glaucoma's in your eyes but you know he's, the glaucoma and my chest. They both hurt. Can't even see the bottles. I think it's going to be legal everywhere pretty soon because there's too many states and there's too much infrastructure. There's too much money that's flowing now.

They're making too much money and there aren't any negatives. There was all those people who were like, oh, this is going to happen, that's going to happen. Children are going to be using it. People are going to happen that's going to happen children are going to be using it there are people gonna be driving and using it there's going to be uh you know a black market formed uh and none of those things have really happened i've i heard that this is the first year that weed our taxes like the sin tax placed on weed and tobacco and alcohol that it was more for weed than it was for alcohol in colorado this year so they made

more money from those taxes to do with weed which isn't surprising because people in all this bordering states are driving over there and dropping their money they're not driving to colorado for their craft beer you know they'll just buy that fucking bud light at their local wyoming store but the legal weed culture is interesting right now because they're comparing legal weed, and it kind of sucks, and I'll explain why, to illegal weed because it sucks even more. They're like, oh, tax the fuck out of me because they prefer that to prison. The guys who sell it are carding hardcore. Forty-five-year-old men are getting rejected for not having ID that proves they're 21. 45-year-old men are getting rejected for not having ID that proves they're 21.

And they're more than happy to operate under those conditions because it's way better than illegal. Fast forward 10 years. They're going to be like, lower weed taxes. Jesus, this is ridiculous. Maybe. We'll see. They will, yeah. I'm sure that it was – I mean I would have to go back and read a book or look at facts.

I'm certainly not going to do that. That's not how we do it. But I'm sure that they had... Absolutely not. I'm sure they put a lot of taxes on booze right after Prohibition ended, right? Like, maybe that was, like, the stepping stone back in. I forgot. That was so long ago. Well, you can have...

Yeah, you can have booze. That was during your drinking days, if I recall correctly, right? That's what turned you off to it. All that, you know to it all that you know bathroom still wine you were drinking in the 30s the prices are competitive though right like like are they you have to be i mean if you if you weed should be if they weren't then the black market would form okay good point i i guess i would just like my friend uh this is a long time ago as a lifeguard and uh he held some sort of like pre-processed cake in his hand.

You know, call it a hostess. And he's like, this is 49 cents. 49 cents. And he's like, think about what it takes to make a cupcake with the frosting and the decorative white frosting and the swirls and the chocolate and like all the ingredients that came from around the world. And it was cooked and it was this and that. And he's like, this is $0.49 for two cupcakes. Yet it's like $15 for weed. It grows anywhere.

You can grow it in Jersey, Mexico, anywhere. It's hardly processed. You just grow it and dry it and mail it. And yet it was something like 30 times more expensive. Weed could be super cheap. It's just not an expensive thing to produce. It should be cheaper than most of the stuff on your plate. It seems like, if you think about it logically,

maybe I'm missing a step, but it seems like the more states that legalize it, the more likely it will be that some big multinational company gets not Marlboro, maybe a new one that they take the lead there and they're good at it and then just like any other business, hopefully, competition

swings in and goes, hey, we can give you just as good a weed for cheaper and then that big company will have to undercut them again and it just seems like it'll naturally be cheaper once it's unregulated like if booze were illegal buying a fifth of vodka would be like 50 bucks i talked to someone about this who lives in saudi arabia and i was asking him like people don't drink there and he's like no people totally drink you just have to hope that the religious police don't catch you

because they have regular state police and they have religious police there and he said if you want like a bottle of johnny walker blue or johnny walker black or johnny walker red something that you could get here for like 30 40 bucks it's like 200 plus there just because it's a black market like once you get anything out of the black market it becomes cheaper right did you hear it yeah there's a british woman who got gang raped and she went to the police and they convicted her of like adultery and let all the gang rapers go. This is like real recent, like this week.

Yeah. Yeah. I read that. Ridiculous. I'll be right back. Oh my God. I don't know. Something about like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Your horse shittery is one thing when you do it to Saudi Arabian women, but a British woman, like she didn't sign up for that horse shit. I am. Yeah. Well, not saying that all those women in didn't sign up for that horse shit i am yeah well not saying that all those women in saudi arabia signed up for that horse shit i'll admit they might be real people but but god i don't i don't think that this is a thing i want to take liberals to task on like for when it was um what the hell was it called in South America when they didn't make black people and white people equal? Apartheid? Apartheid.

Liberals couldn't sleep at night knowing that apartheid existed on this planet, right? When it was a black-white thing, oh my gosh, this is just clearly an evil country. If I so much as heard that somebody was from South Africa, I would just know in my head intrinsically and by default that there were black people there and evil people there. It was like Nazis and black people living in the same area and America was constantly leaning on them, twisting the screws economically, etc. to make them give up their apartheid.

But in Saudi Arabia, they have a system that really seems no better, but it's not black and white, it's men and women. And, you know, I don't know, I guess it's cheap. There's just no, it's just indefensible.

Like, being raped, gang raped, and then going to the police and saying, hey, I was just gang raped. And then them going, well, I don't know. Where are they? Where are these supposed rapists? And they're like, well, they fucking followed me here. That's how confident they are that nothing's going to happen.

And then they all go, no, we didn't rape her. And she goes, yes, you did. And they go, well, now it's starting to look like you're on the back foot. all go no we didn't rape her and she goes yes she did and they go well you know now it's starting to look like you're on the back foot like that's it's un it's un that's an actual like when you hear about rape culture that's an actual culture of that's actual rape culture yeah that's an actual culture where people are punished for being raped where it's seen as you know you get raped well you know they wouldn't have done that if you hadn't done something to encourage it you know you need to make sure that you're on.

Everybody should be responsible. Like, you should, you know, be on the lookout for your own safety, obviously. But if you're fucking raped or assaulted or something, you can't just blame that person for it and be like, oh, well, fuck you. You're actually going to get punished. That's illegal to get raped. It irritates me when they say America has a rape culture because it doesn't. Right. If you hear that someone is a rapist in Americaica you do not think like fist bump bro no that guy i'd rather be accused of

murder than rape right and if you're convicted of rape and you spend your 25 years in prison or even something lesser if you're convicted of urinating in public like then you might have to notify your neighbors for the rest of your existence on earth that you're a sexual predator and that follows you forever. This is not a rape culture. This is a culture that very much looks down on rapists. When a rapist goes to prison, they get raped. People treat rapists extra bad in prison. We're not a culture that's good to rapists.

Saudi Arabia, though, appears that they actually are. Like, there's a pro, I don't want to call it a pro-rape culture, but that's what rape culture is. Now, I was talking to someone recently about, like, America's not a rape culture, and I laid it out in the same way, and they're like, no, no, you know, a victim should never be questioned. Like, oh, fuck off. Can't question a victim.

There are people who falsely claim rape. We got to look into it. You know, we can't just by default believe everything that people say. And that doesn't make this a rape culture. Saudi Arabia has a real rape culture. Fuck. Yeah. India too to some extent.

Yeah, India as well. I don't know about like what – like the way I think about it, maybe this isn't the correct way as far as when people use the term rape culture but i think of it as like it's a rape culture if there's actual like norms and legislation legislature that facilitates rape and allows it to happen easier so like if there were a law that was like hey it's not rape if it's under three minutes or something like that would be a rape culture because it's facilitating rape that wouldn't happen just like if you're in saudi arabia and there's a law that's like well if you do get raped just remember you could also be and if you come forward maybe they get punished maybe they

don't maybe you get punished for having premarital sex you know we have to roll the dice like that obviously women who get raped aren't going to come forward that often because they're going to be like fuck this like i just got raped i'm not going to add another punishment onto this like that's an actual rape culture yeah that's a scary place uh we do a lot of business with them i wonder if that will stay the same yeah that's it really is interesting what you're saying like comparing it to apartheid like i was too young for that to remember it in the way you do. But it does like kind of looking at it now, it seems like an apt comparison. Like there's a horrific, like structured, actual institutional oppression, oppression upheld by institutions set in power by the elite there.

And the rape thing is terrible. It extends far beyond that. Like it extends far beyond that like it extends into careers and extent like they're financially oppressed they can't drive like how can a woman exist without a man in saudi arabia when you can she can't that's it's like it's made that way she needs to be escorted when she's in public she can't drive by herself she can't get a job you know if if if a woman has the wrong husband, like say a husband who beats her, rapes her, whatever, mistreats her in whatever way, makes her not want to be married to him, she's trapped. There's no way out.

Imagine how horrible that would be if your wife or girlfriend couldn't leave unaccompanied so you had to go just like stand around Sepphora every time they wanted to go shopping oh that would be horrible you'd have to go to every mall trip every time they go to the grocery store oh i need to get more fake eyelashes before we go out tonight can will you escort me to the mall master oh jesus like nobody's gonna see your eyes anyway or i guess no that's all they will see so yeah we should go out and get that my My daughter had a doctor's appointment today, so my wife picked her up and took her. My God, if I had to go to that shit, there's nothing I like less than the fucking waiting room of a doctor's appointment. They're not on time. You know, they just, get your shit together, doctors of America.

You always make people wait. And you weren't even waiting to be fixed. You were just wasting time. Yeah. Oh, God. I didn't know. Thanks, Obama. my wife handled it yeah thanks obama are we gonna start thanking trump for shit yeah like when the things come to take

office yeah when we all get our uh each of us get our uh 50 acres of saudi arabian land and a camel yeah let me uh let me tell everyone a little bit about Dollar Shave Club seems like a good time guys Dollar Shave Club just keeps getting better four years ago they started delivering their amazing affordable razors now they have over 3 million members who no longer overpay for a quality morning shave I'll never use anything else again and now new members can get their first month for free

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In my head, every time I talk about it, I like juxtapose it against the last paramotor. You know how when I own something, I get like so attached to it. Every time a tool turns a screwdriver, a screwdriver turns a screw, I'm like, yeah. I remember the screw of 2015. That fucker was loose. It still holds. I love this screwdriver. My last Paramover, I was never able to do that. It kept making these emotional bank

account withdrawals. Whether it was dropping me out of the sky with the fuel tank or ending my weekend because the pull starter broke or something else. The new one uh i'm very excited about it it's working i flew for an hour on what's today wednesday so it'd be monday i flew for an hour just buzzing around the house looking like it's neat i like paramotoring a lot i'm i'm up there i can there's like uh forest fires right now in North Carolina. Apparently we're the number two national priority forest fire, number one in Georgia.

And I – We went again. You did. On ground, there was nothing. It just seemed like clear skies. I get up there and it's hazy and I can smell like the burning wood. I'm flying in some layer of forest fire, which is neat to me.

I launched from my yard. There's a golf course. I didn't even know really, but like a couple of miles from my house. And like I get all this altitude because when you have altitude, you can choose your landing space. You can glide farther. But then I go down.

I fuck with the golfers for a while and just like fly around. And then I go back up and I saw this John Deere plow in his field. I'm like, oh, let's go down and see him. You know, in my in my head they're like i think it's neat to see me but maybe not and uh i don't know i was just i flew kids and they're flying lawnmowers fan backs shoot him down we were talking about about those aliens that crash landed or they that might have crash landed you would ask the president i was just thinking about that if if it was an alien that was like a probe

investigating about our species there would have been a follow-up we would have had more it would have been like a oh the scout fell down to earth the jigs up we're sending in the battalion to either destroy them or farm their resources or have their women or whatever they wanted to do. But that didn't happen, obviously. And so what had to have happened is this guy was the equivalent of their race's celestial paramotorists who was out too far

in another world, another quadrant, and then he came down and that's why nobody came to save him. They just saw him as, oh, that's fucking Space Ted. That's so Ted for him as oh, that's fucking space Ted Oh, that's so Ted for him to go do that and die on earth. All right Well, we just hope they won't learn too much from his little paramotor gear, which they will probably think is super high-tech Is so light it's like cheating it's so

It's not just taking off and landing because I had really gotten my technique down to do that Well with the heavy machine It's the moving it around when I want to put it in my truck when I want to put it in the golf cart when I Want to walk around if I need to like fix the wing, but I remember Like someone this is a couple months ago He was like giving me advice or tips or like getting me ready to launch and I'm like cut it dude, dude I'm standing here, but I am exercising right now. My legs are burning out.

Like when this thing's on my back, the talking time is over. I'm going to go move aside. The new one, I like fucking, I don't know, kill time. Talk to people. It's no big deal. When the last one was breaking, somebody wrote me. I forget if it was Reddit or a YouTube comment or something. And they're like, Woody, I feel sorry for you.

You know, your thing's so bad. And I'm like, wow, that hurts so much more than, like, LOL. You know, he's like, I've been flying for three years. I don't have any of these problems. I feel sorry for you. And I'm, like, defending my abuser. And now that appears to be past. It just starts. It's electric electric starts i press a button and

it fires up it's good yeah yeah that's it i was thinking all along i was like yeah i guess maybe an electric start is heavy but then there's a whole spool for the pull start like it does add an extra pound or two but in the scheme of things like yeah sure you can restart midair right yeah you needed to. I haven't done that yet because I'm nervous about everything. Get up there and turn her off. Something about eStart makes me more comfortable. Because when it's pull start, like, I don't know, I'm flopping around and doing shit.

When it's eStart, I feel like I could just tap that button. It starts like, you know, you just tap it and it fires to life when it's warm and uh so i'm gonna do that i'm gonna go over an lz that i really like at landing zone and then turn it off and just enjoy the quiet glide if you're standing on the ground and you turn the fan up all the way is it difficult to stand where you are like does it force you into running or can you just kind of stand there and it's fine? I couldn't at first. With practice, I'm a little better at leaning forward and managing

it, but I bet if I strapped it on your back you would struggle to stand still until you got a little technique. Okay. What if instead of aliens, that the dinosaurs, or at least some dinosaurs, ended up underground after the asteroid hit.

And they've been living down there, evolving, much longer than us, because we got put back to little mammals, and we had to start from there. But there's still dinosaurs underground, and they've been evolving for millions of years more than us. That explains earthquakes. Those are the reptilians, and they've burrowed up and infiltrated our government.

It doesn't matter. I mean, the evolutionary chain comes to a very fast stop if thumbs aren't very quickly found out. Because you can figure out the thumbs. Think about if orcas or dolphins were not just as smart as us. Say that the average orca IQ was like 160. They're all geniuses. They're brilliant. They still can't build anything. They're all geniuses. They're brilliant.

They still can't build anything. They can't do anything. There's not enough of them to really advance. I bet there's some society saying the exact same thing. It doesn't matter. They're total shit without telekinesis. They have no telepathy. Right.

Yeah, and see, that's why we're whatever level civilization we are. If we're in the Archaic Age, those people would be in the Iron Age or whatever the appropriate civ comparison would be but yeah that that i have nowhere to go from their topic the reptilians came up they've infiltrated our governments they've been put pumping hydrocarbons into our air through years after the industrial revolution turning our planet warmer warmer until it's ripe ripe for the reptilians to come above ground. And all of a sudden the mammals are all burning up and sweating it out, but they like it

because they're cold-blooded and they take over. Ah, that's a very, very, that's a million-year-long con. Doesn't Alex Jones actually believe this? No, I just made all that up. I hope he doesn't. Jesus, if he believes that. Alex Jones believes in lizard people.

Alex Jones believes that the water supply was turning frogs gay. Well, it did. A little. Frogs change sex. All amphibians do. Salamanders as well. So it just was the water. He explained this to me.

Don't worry. It turned him gay. What he was getting at, though. What he was getting at was that fluoride is meant to, like, feminize the American men and turn him gay. What he was getting at, though, what he was getting at was that fluoride is meant to, like, feminize the American men and turn them gay. That's what he was getting down to. Like, sure, he started off with frog science, but where he was headed with it was people science.

Like, I didn't see this is what the cardboard's doing. I sound like Rush Limbaugh. They're putting the fluoride in the water, turning your kids into fags. That's what they're doing. Look at them. And then it makes total sense once you break it down and you see who, see

why I was about to assess that, Woody, is you have to look at who has the most to gain by everyone being gay. Hmm? The Russians. Nordstrom. Shit, you're right. Nordstrom, Macy's, all those

order clothes in a box, comes to your house, all of those stores. Cis men on well water, right? Lifetime. Suddenly they get the girls. Oh. Cis men on well water, yeah, have orchestrated this whole thing. That's right.

When it rained, it would turn brown. Yeah, I can't imagine. If you have a conspiracy theory, you have to, like, JFK makes sense. The moon landing makes sense as a conspiracy theory of, like, you know, if they want, it makes sense. The reason for them to want to fake the moon landing makes sense because they had something to gain. Like, if they faked it, it would show that, hey, we're better than Russia. You know, we're better than Russia at getting to space. So there was, I don't think they faked it, but there was enough of a reason.

I can't even begin to think of a reason that you'd want to slowly turn everyone gay over time. If anything... Population control. The population to plummet... The Nordstrom theory is working for me. The Nordstrom theory is solid. The evil retailers of the globe. Retailers who are...

I need to sell more men's scarves. There's only one way. I need more men's scarves. There's only one way. I need more men's scarves. Ascot manufacturers are behind this whole thing. Tom's shoes. There's another one. I only have one more topic picked out.

Who is the person at work that you hate and why? Taylor, it might be wise to choose a former person. Former people people anyone who would bring smelly foods to eat at lunch or at their desk or out and about you know have a have a tuna have a turkey sandwich have a ham sandwich have you know pizza don't have some horrible garlic curry disgusting sloppy mess and for the love of fucking god don't you don't you microwave fish you savage uh in the middle of this office that drives me crazy and people and it's always the same guy who's some meathead who is oblivious

to everyone around him because he's so involved in tracking on his phone his macros where it's like oh yeah i gotta make sure that i get my 60 grams of protein so i just have you know i have three gallons of liquefied halibut and then just a loaf of gluten-free uh wafer bread and so that's what i'm eating do you mind if i microwave this and just pour it into my mouth like i know the taylor's ex-coworker if he he sees this, will know it's him. He'll be like, oh, fuck you, Taylor. Yeah. He knows. If he ever finds this, he fucking knows because that was inappropriate. That's inappropriate for you to microwave things in public.

It really, like, I'm joking, but I'm also not. You're just jealous of his gains, though, aren't you? Just so jealous of those gains. He wasn't in great shape, but it's not just him. Anyone who microwaves things that are unseemly, it's, it really is rude. I genuinely think of someone who's like, wow, that's really selfish of you. If I had like some leftover Italian food with a huge amount of garlic and onions or something in it, I wouldn't bring it and then microwave it and then be like, oh, sorry. Is the the shrimp smell permeating from my old pasta that i just warmed up sorry everyone i don't think you do well in it because just fair warning

there's a lot of curry in it there's a lot of curry when you work in it there's curry every day smelling up that place i that didn't like i didn't like it but there are way bigger offenses that bothered me. Did they ever shit in the floor? Just right there in the floor? That's a little behind the microwaving set for me. I was just thinking, I've seen Indian people do that. They have a very poop-friendly culture.

Not a very toilet-friendly culture, though. I remember one of their politicians, that was one of his major things. Our politicians are like, defense! Keep the immigrants out! Whatever. Theirs is like, we've got to get some toilets in here. More toilets. Shit in the toilet. They have whole public

policies they have to push. It's shitting in the toilet. That's their whole it's not I'm with her. It's not make America great again. It's shit in the toilet. That's their whole... It's not I'm with her. It's not make America great again. It's shit in the toilet. Hashtag in the bowl. Where do we shit, India? In the bowl.

And who's going to pay for it? Pakistan! It's going to make for all of our toilet bowls. I'm going to make Pakistan build a giant toilet a big beautiful toilet that we can all shit in Pakistan is a giant toilet am I right vote for wood but seriously you can go online and type like Indians shitting in public just search that and you'll get like vast montages of these people like they'll just be walking along and like squat

poop wipe their butt and then just pants right up and gone like they can shit in seconds they're like my dog it's absurd how quickly they shit mid-run no i don't think so but they have that's kind of how they shit just on the move yeah i don't have time to waste i gotta make it to the fucking meat market before it closes or whatever whatever they're thinking but uh Speaking of the pooping another thing of people that's shitty at work is that guy who always has the perfectly timed I have to take a shit I don't remember this guy's name But he worked with me when I was in high school at this hockey camp where I trained goalies And it was me this other guy a couple other people and then like the main head guy who ran it

And every time it was all those little kids and their goalie shit falling and slipping on the ice and you're trying to wrangle them up and keep them under control and do drills with them if the main guy ever had to leave and deal with something without a doubt his second in command who was then supposed to subsume that responsibility be like all right kids you know six and under over there and you go over here and do this that guy always had to would go and take long bathroom breaks as soon as the guy in charge left it was like he was always looking at his boss and then as soon as he'd be like i have to go talk to some parents see they're getting a little bit upset seems like tony got here earlier today because uh the main boss was they were all comedian but me

and he would just leave and go take a shit i found out later he was getting high um by the zambones uh further back where the kids couldn't see later he was getting high um by the zambonis uh further back where the kids couldn't see so he was just walking back there saying he had to take a shit and then walking back high as a kite and then working with these kids on their form man it was oh it drives me crazy because i would always see it coming i'd be like okay he is about to main guy's about to leave all right he's gone and second in command guy oh oh do you have to take a shit again gary do you again like it's always the opportune opportune bathroom and shitter guy is another horrible person to work with especially if you haven't done it in like

a retail situation but i can imagine if you work at like macy's or nordstrom or something it would be enraging if it's black friday and your manager walks around the corner and then Susie Q, lazy fuck, decides that she has to go change her tampon again or something. It's just, I hate that. Because you can always tell. You can always tell when people are bullshitting about having to shit at work. Worst guy I ever worked with was Lucas.

Lucas, if you see this, fucking fall on a piece of rebar or something, Lucas, because I fucking hate you. What Lucas would do, like I was an architect, right? And he was a real young guy who was super favored by management. They just loved this guy. But he was junior, so they brought him like with me to like, you know, because they wanted to operate without adult supervision.

And he was always like suggesting and recommending new technologies to pump up his own resume. And for the IT guys watching this, you've probably seen this same behavior. Nothing to do with what's right for the company, nothing to do with having a common architecture so that someone who works on one app isn't just completely lost when they move to the next thing. He would just like, oh yeah, a fucking next thing he would just like oh yeah a fucking

new thing he read about on the internet is what we need to be implementing this week and you might think i'm some sort of old fuddy-duddy but that's not the case like he was just like finding solutions for problems we didn't have and finding a way to like jam them in there and then there was other shit like you know when we were real busy, suddenly he would leave work early to get his haircut. I didn't like it. I was like, dude, like I guess knock yourself out if you have personal time. Like we're all on salary. Contrived errand guy.

But like it's fucking go time. We're presenting this shit tomorrow. We need to make sure that whatever – this is all ironed out and we're on the same page. And you're getting a haircut? I can't think of a lower priority like like you're just fucking vanished and uh and then there was personal stuff too like he called me up said he could cure colin with like dietary advice and it's like you know like what like yeah yeah what was? It was like more legumes and, you know, stay away from processed something. Are you giving him enough pintos?

Raw pintos? And it was just like. What percentage of his diet is legume based? Off the top of your head. How dare. He doesn't have any kids, right? Like he doesn't even have a girlfriend that likes him back. Any medical training? No medical training. Oh. No. have any kids right like he doesn't even have a girlfriend that likes him back and any medical

training no medical training oh no but but he's like i don't know saying he can solve column legume-based diet and it's like asshole like you have so overstepped your bounds like actually we've had him on nothing but legumes since day one we We think it might be the legumes. He's on a strict legume. It's funny you should mention. Because he is on a strict legume diet. All that we hear him say when we get home is, please, no more legumes, no more legumes.

We make him sleep in a pot. Tell him, you're our little bean boy. I'm thinking about him right now, and I'm thinking to myself, I hope bad things happen to him him in his future I hope that his life doesn't work out very well because he's a selfish fuck he's not good in his core he's a fucking dick

and I hope awful things turn up for him in his life I hope his personal relationship with that girl keeps going on like it has been. So fuck you. I hope he chokes on some lentil stew. Right? Or maybe some chickpeas gets caught in his throat.

Yeah, he was nothing. I had to look up common types of legumes to get examples. Yeah. He's the one that, and as I think about it like the kind of people that i mostly had frustrations at work were the ones who were picking texts for their own personal good um i had some this feels so racist to say but then indian culture is different than american culture with regards to like getting stuff and getting

ahead you know that their resumes are just filled with whatever they think that you want to be on Indian culture is different than American culture with regards to getting stuff and getting ahead. Their resumes are just filled with whatever they think that you want to be on their resume. So when you interview – Is this what you said? Yeah. I don't know a better way to say it. But I feel like my Indian coworkers would be like, oh, yeah, that's just obviously fucking true. I mentioned many times, I think, about the pirated software. Like in America, if you've paid for all the stuff that you use, there's of like a pride to it um in India they just think that you're dumb like you're like

it's poor financial planning and um I would hire these guys over the phone and then they'd come and it's like you can't fucking fool me you're not the person that was on the telephone you literally had like you had someone else handle your phone interview for you who could answer the questions and then you show up and you don't know fuck all about like the things that you knew on the phone they're not even so they try and like parent trap you yes or some other indian guy shows up i wasn't even mad about that it was i was like we just he was a contractor so like they're more you're more apt to get fired and i i like just was i is amusedly a word i amusedly fired him i just like you know like fuck off just go go we both know the jig is up how dare you how

could you accuse me of that? Because you're fucking guilty. We know it. It's like you don't even, like, maybe you think, I think all Indians sound the same, but I worked with Indians for 15 years now, and you sound, not to me. And I, yeah, I speak Indian accent, and you're not the same guy. You're not the same guy. It wasn't you on the phone. It wasn't.

I want to change my Sirius satellite radio setting, but I don't do it because I don't want to deal with the Indian tech support because that's who you get. I literally am losing like $20 a month because I don't want to fucking deal with her. I don't want to call her and have this this fucking conversation with her where she's not really talking to me she's just she's almost like a machine because she takes my input and then looks and then reads a little and then read

something back to me every time I say something like we're not having a real talk she's talking past me with like a script a script yeah and and I and she'd be okay so i see you're driving the 2011 chevrolet camaro and she's like trying to like have an american accent but it's awful she's like faking being american as an indian and she doesn't know like common american words like maybe camaro isn't something that a lot of people know how to pronounce but i know how to pronounce it and she doesn't i don't call just because i don't want to deal with her i get so angry because i'm just like no i want this i want to do this this and that and then she'll be like okay so it seems that you want to and then she'll read back like for 10 minutes and i'm just like are we done here almost and it'll just drag on like like i've

been on the phone with people so many times and just gotten so angry last time um the last time i was trying to like i don't know like upgrade my package or instead of like two separate packages and two separate vehicles get one package that covered both vehicles or something like that and it's just so overly complicated and she's so bad they're so bad i say she because i feel like i get the same one every time but they're so bad i i hate it so much i can't get anything done with those people i don't mean like indians i mean serious fucking tech support when i call for support and i see that that support's been outsourced to a foreign country uh it impacts my opinion of that company like oh okay just just going forward know that whatever. Amazon has bad support.

That's not a good example because they have great support. But like, yeah. You can't even pretend to say something bad about Amazon because you love them so much. You're like, you know, Amazon, subpar customer service. Not true, let me state. Very good. I use them all the time. I think they did push their support to India.

But they did a good job. But, yeah, when I call and like, you know, Time Warner or whatever, and their support's actually based out of India, and they lie, I don't like that either. I'm like, hey, what's your name? My name is Steve. No, it's fucking not. You know, it's not Siri, or you know, Mahesh, or whatever your name is.

Like, it's not John. But they lie. And I've asked people where they are. And they come up with these like, you know, oh, I'm in Idaho. I'm in Boise. Little Rock, Arkansas. Yeah, Little Rock, Arkansas. Born and bred.

Born and bred. I could do your accent. Roll Tide. Roll Tide. Huge football fan. Watch all of the games. Oh, this is great. I would love to have this conversation with a tech support guy.

I just keep going deeper and deeper. Birmingham. I think I got Irish. Well, speaking of the Irish, you want to talk about the UFC stuff a little bit? Because it was crazy, I thought. Connor was not supposed to win that. it because it was crazy i thought i you know connor was not supposed to win that um the the like real inside experts the people that like i go to to like get like some semblance of an understanding about especially the technical aspect of it it's not always like well this guy's

big and strong he's just gonna win you know the guys who looked at each fighter's techniques their weaknesses and and how it would match up all said alvarez right a lot of people did i got it wrong i was so confident i talked about this on pkn a little bit but like i twice recently i thought i should bet like ten thousand dollars because there's easy money to be had here one conor mcgregor was going to lose and two hillary clinton was going to win i'm so glad i didn't make either of those bets. Eddie Alvarez? So Alvarez is like the really strong, world-accomplished wrestler, right? He actually doesn't have a lot of amateur wrestling credentials, but he has a ton of success in the cage in wrestling. He's 32, and a lot of people are like,

Dude, when this guy was 21, he was that good. I get it, but most of these world champions are in their late 20s, early 30s, and things change. Guys get better. And Eddie Alvarez, Dos Anjos is the guy he took the title from, and that guy was a wrestling monster. His ground game was just incredible. He was rolling through everybody.

And then he goes up against Eddie Alvarez, and Eddie Alvarez beats that guy. And Eddie Alvarez has had really good luck good luck good fortune with left-handed guys like Conor McGregor's left-handed and they kept saying how big and strong Eddie Alvarez was the guy who's fought at 170 the contender Wonderboy was saying that like Eddie Alvarez is bigger than me I can't believe this and I saw Alvarez and Conor together and I could see that Conor was taller and bigger, but Conor wears, like, platform shoes and stuff to weigh in. Like, he's always fucking with people.

And, you know, so I couldn't tell who was really bigger. Because I'm like, all right, I can see Conor's taller there, but I don't trust my eyes because Conor's wearing cowboy boots or something. Like hooker shoes. He's always wearing stupid shit. He wore a fucking pimp daddy fur coat to the thing the tag still on it though yeah the tag was still on it that's a very expensive coat like that's probably he left the tag on the coat it's on the inside but he held his arms out like this one point you can see the tag that thing cost about as much as a car that's

an expensive coat that was a that that i I like him more that the tag was on, that I know that maybe he's putting forward an image of someone who has a $30,000 coat on but is actually smart enough to just rent that coat for the evening. He's got like eight cars each worth. I don't know my cars that way. Did he buy them?

Did he lease them though? You know what I mean? Maybe he's putting an image for it because he's coming off as like the the the rich nasty like insulting version of muhammad ali you know muhammad ali didn't curse you know he just he rhymed and talked trash he didn't call your names this guy i'll do whatever the fuck i want yeah just constantly cursing is that you know he that? He just exudes confidence. And like you saw in that press conference, Alvarez, they go to him first,

and he's just screaming, I'm going to do whatever the fuck I want. I'll do whatever the fuck I want. Who the fuck are you? And Alvarez is like, well, I think we're going to get in there, and I'll just really match up with him technically, and it's going to be hard for you. You're going to lose. No, you are.

Alvarez started getting – Not on the same level. I thought Alvarez's trash talk in the lead up to the show, like he was one of the first guys I thought that was really – Nate Diaz didn't fall for it, but he also in my mind didn't have a lot of great returns. I don't think he can. I think he's still got a little bit of that speech impediment and he's just not a slick, quick-tongued kind of guy.

Yeah, he said a couple funny things. You're playing touch-butt in the park with that faggot or whatever. But I think people just take a thing that a Diaz brother says and elevate it to greatness, when if anyone else said it, they wouldn't think much of it. Eddie Alvarez got under Conor's skin. So Conor McGregor was a plumber. He just quit his job, went on welfare,

played Call of Duty, and trained to fight. And apparently going on welfare, in America, that's not a thing that you'd be proud of, but apparently in Ireland it's really like a badge of shame. Even worse? Yeah. And Eddie got him with that. Eddie got him with

something about having a baby and it wasn't his girlfriend's. He said, oh, he told Connor to take his glasses off. He was wearing sunglasses inside. He's like, you look stupid. Take your glasses off. Connor's like, fucking make me take them off. And he's like, take off your fucking glasses.

And Connor takes off his glasses, looks at him in the eye and goes, make me take them off. And then he's like, you just took them off. You took off your fucking glasses. And if you're Connor, you're like, god damn it, you took off your fucking glasses and if you're connor you're like god damn it i took off my glasses did you see connor getting his hand right hands wrapped pre fight wearing still wearing the suit and tie he's still got the shirt on and the tie getting his hands wrapped i heard about it i didn't see it though but yeah i like it he comes in there and that he's always got some sort of he's always got a very expensive suit on. He's always got two or three bitches with him.

He's got a whole entourage. I don't know who the women are with him because he's got two that are like whores. There's like two that are just like actual prostitutes. Like Bruce Buffert brought them, some of his ladies. And then there was one shorter, red-headed, mousy-looking girl that looked maybe like his real girlfriend from Ireland or something like that. I don't know what the mix is with that. He's fascinating though, and he's very smart with his marketing.

I keep hearing people saying he'll be the first guy to make $100 million off a fight. That'd be outrageous. It's good for the sport. It's trickle-down economics in the UFC. I'm looking forward to see what happens in the long term, right? So the line I keep hearing is, like, who's Conor McGregor's next fight? Conor McGregor's next fight is with the UFC. He finished saying, this company just sold for $4.2 billion.

Where is mine? Why aren't you calling me? He's like, they sold some equity to like a bunch of celebrities conan o'brien the fratata brothers left sold their parts didn't they yeah they so they were the majority owners i don't know how much they own call it 90 like a lot and uh and then this new company came and bought it and along the way they sold it to a bunch of celebrities and connor's like what the hell con conan o'brien owns the ufc and i don't like so for his next fight what he wants is a piece of the ufc and i don't like so for his next fight what he wants is a

piece of the ufc and one of the things they're talking about is him fighting at 170 now a part of me is like oh my god seriously at 170 you're gonna get your ass kicked but there's not a lot of money to be made betting against conor mcgregor and if this guy owns like three out of the six belts what kind of negotiating position is Dana? White's going to be the one bending over next con. Like he, I think he's got a lot of, can he actually win?

Cause I know you've said he's one 45 is his weight. If he went up to one 70, wouldn't like those people there, they're just bigger people, right? Like he, so do you think he could really compete? They're cutting to one 70.

They might be walking around at one 90. are bigger dudes these are something i think these are people that have how tall is connor is he he's tall um who's the best person in the one i don't know what the 170 name is like welterweight or bantamweight whatever tyrone woodley is the best welterweight b What is it? It's welterweight at 170. They're already having this big Twitter beef. Tyrone Woodley is not an extremely tall guy, but he's jacked as fuck. He's just fucking action figure jacked. But he's in love with this.

He's a wrestler. And like a lot of wrestlers, they just fall in love with their overhand right And they just swing it again and again Wow yeah he's 5'9 170 pounds Same height as Conor but there's a lot more of him Yeah Like I don't know

I feel like the part of me is like Not this time it can't happen again Woodley will just take him down And beat the hell out of him, and he's so big there's nothing you can do, like what happened when Rashad Evans fought Chael Sonnen. But another part of me is like, eh. He's answered the wrestler question.

If he keeps snapping that front kick, he keeps circling, and he keeps shooting every time they try to fucking take him down. If he focuses on that part of his repertoire, he could go far, right? He's a bigger version of Eddie Alvarez who just got worked. I don't think he'd take 170 because I think what we have seen, maybe it's just that Nate Diaz is a freak. But we saw Conor hitting a guy that's 170, that's actually 170, a bigger dude that's six feet tall than Nate Diaz.

He hit him all night with that left. It made Nate look like a car crash victim, but he didn't knock him out. He hit him all night with that left and it made Nate look like a car crash victim, but he didn't knock him out. He didn't knock him out at all. I don't know if that's because Nate Diaz is a freak or because Conor doesn't have the TNT in his left hand to take down a bigger man who's six feet tall and walks around at 190, 210. Yeah, I don't know either. I know the Diaz brothers are particularly good at rolling and it means when you hit them, they're already headed in that direction, and they just don't get hit as hard.

But it's also true. And Nate usually fights at 155. He has fought at 170 before, but he's a really 155 guy. Woodley could not make 155. He's a 170 guy. And it just takes, like you said, I don't know what Conor does to these smaller guys he'll be doing to the bigger ones. What I saw from Connor, it seemed like his game plan, he kept snapping that front kick.

Is that what you call it? It's just like a straight, like flicking it straight forward. There's no windup. There's no rotating the hips. He kept snapping that to try to keep Alvarez away from him. He kept circling a lot. Then it seemed like he could see that Alvarez was just no match for him. Alvarez

almost seemed to give up. Alvarez seemed to get really not complacent. He just wasn't in a fight. He was just like, maybe I'll just wait for him to do a thing and then I'll do a thing. He got into that mode. Whereas Conor was like, holy shit, you're nothing. I can just pick you apart at will, can't I? I can put my hands behind my back. He got into that mode. Whereas Conor was like, holy shit, you're nothing. I can just pick you apart at will, can't I?

Fucking put my hands behind my back. You can't do anything. He's right. Did he actually do that at one point? It was surprising to see him put his hands behind his back because I thought that this was going to be a fight where he couldn't do that. He busted his right hand fighting Nate Diaz, and there wasn't a long gap between fights.

Dana White was like, you can't fight next. You're too banged up. You're limping leg is bad your hand is bad and Conor's like fuck you I want to fight Dana says no Conor says I know my body better than you do set up the fight and they did so during training he's got a busted up right hand so in training he's putting it behind his back and fighting like one-handed then he developed some expertise in like being a real defensive one-handed fighter. And he broke it out in the fight against Eddie Alvarez. He just put his – because I guess he got good at that. Did he actually do that for more than a couple seconds where he was fighting with one hand behind his back?

Call it 10 seconds or something. He put both hands behind his back and kind of stood there like, you're not even fighting. Just kind of to show the audience that he's not even in the fight right now. I'm pressing all the action. That's what it seemed like to me more than anything. I can't remember who. I can't remember a cleaner win for a championship. Well, obviously, Conor's against Aldo.

But it was just a super clean win. It seemed like everything Conor wanted to happen happened. It's ready to go again. It's very much how it would go if I fought Joe Lozon. Whatever Joe wanted to happen is how the fight would go down. It seemed like, I don't know. Was there ever a point that Conor might have lost? Was there ever a point that Aldo, whatever his name is, had a shot?

No, it wasn't a close fight. It wasn't like Alvarez ever put any pressure on it. Alvarez might have gotten a two-shot combo in where they're grazing blows, where he's fainting off left to right, and they do one of those to him or something. You're like, oh, that scuffed him up a little. But nothing that someone who's a professional fighter would even think about you know after the fight it was he got it he i'm sure i'm sure he gets roughed up much more in his like sparring sessions you know he's much more so than what happened in the ring or the cage at the end he's being interviewed and uh he's like look i know a lot of the other fighters are mad at me

for things that i've said and i just want you to know that I sincerely apologize to absolutely fucking no one. The double champ does what he fucking wants to do. He walks off. He's got both belts. That other belt was Tyrone Woodley's. Connor was all pissed off that they didn't have two belts for him because he's a 145 and 55 champion. But the UFC was like, dude, you just won the 155 belt.

Why would I give you a 45 in addition to it? Well, he left his belt back in his locker room. They're like, you left your belt back in the locker room. That's your belt. He's like, you bring your belt. Why do I got to bring your belt? So they ran back there looking for a belt. And Tyrone Woodley, who just defended the 170-pound, the welterweight belt,

they're like, dude, dude, dude, can we borrow your belt? And Woodley's like, yeah, I guess. like someone's running through the the people with tyrone woodley's belt and they gave it to connor for all the photos he's got i liked how it was clear that connor was like the showman in all of it there where he knew that there had to be that image of him like holding up both belts uh-huh you know and so like joe roan was trying to go on with, I watched the post game interview, the post fight interview, not the actual fight. And when Joe Rogan's trying to like go on and say like,

you know, how do you think you did in the fight? And where did you know that you were winning and whatnot? And the whole time he's just, hi, who's bringing me other belt out here. I need, I,

I, I'm the double champion. I need both belts out here. I need both of them. I got one here. I need the other. Where's the other belt? And he's just not even answering Joe Rogan's questions because he knows in that moment, he's like, dude, this is like the biggest moment in your sports history

for the love of fucking God. You know, they have the Stanley Cup ready when they win that. They have the Super Bowl thing ready. Nobody's like, hey, where's that sculpture with the football on top of it? Fuck it. Nobody's like that. You're so right. football on top of it fuck nobody's like that they should have had that there to give to him so he could have held

it up but I don't know I thought that was funny how he was the one there who's like Jesus Christ I'm already winning all the fights and now I'm doing PR and marketing for you dude Chael Sonnen who was never a champ you could buy replica belts they look just like the real ones in like Las Vegas hotels and shit.

So he would just buy a belt and claim to be champion and tell the champion that Chael Sonnen used to do this. And he'd be like, Anderson Silva, you're lucky I'm giving you a shot at my title. And everyone's like, what the fuck? And there's a thing. These belts are highly coveted by fighters you know like if some of them don't touch it like if i take your belt and put it near me it's like don't even think about it they don't let other people wear it like daniel cormier was being interviewed and

a um no it was johnny hendrix who's being interviewed by a reporter and the reporter was like can i hold it and he's, you have to beat me for it. Fuck off. Like, no. Like, I work super hard for this. I don't share it with people. But Jail just totally disregarded all that, like, reverence.

Bought one from a gift shop, put it in front of him at the press interview, and acted like he was the champ. I thought it was great. I like that. I like that. It really, it's just a nice little troll to everybody who's taking it so seriously that they do stuff.

I'm sure, are there really superstitious people in UFC? You know how you'll hear about, oh, there's this quarterback. He eats at Olive Garden before every single game, and he does not eat anything that's not Olive Garden breadsticks and salad or whatever it is. Is there anybody like that in UFC where it's come out that they do weird shit i don't know i do know one funny story uh rory mcdonald top guy a very good fighter he actually left the ufc but for more money but um somehow he got like a new phone number and someone got their old phone number and figured out that his phone number used to be Rory McDonald's. So every fight, the guy would like call the UFC, pretend to be Rory McDonald and change his walkout music. And this legit happened.

He would just be like, this is not the song I picked. Well, fuck it. You know, and just walk into some song that he didn't choose. Happened for like three or four fights in a row before the UFC caught on to the idea that like a regular person who just got his phone number was changing his walkout music. Some of those walkout songs are just trash. It's like you got to pick a song that's going to be good. You want to get the crowd pumped up. You want to get yourself pumped up at the same time don't put something stupid on there i like connor's music because that's definitely playing into that nationalism thing

it's okay when it's not america by the way nationalism long as we don't do it yeah as long as americans have no pride in their country we're okay wouldn't want that like we've done anything cool they say irish they should be proud of tater taters and conor mcgregor they're two main cool things uh lucky charms i watch a lot of ufc fights so i start getting excited about the music like when johnny hendrix walks into his like what is it fifty dollars and a flask of jack or whatever the fuck that song is or connor's thing the irish music starts and it leads into that notorious chris weidman with um tom petty like whenever i hear joe lozon he plays move i don't i think that's what the song is called but it's fucking screaming at you and it's jacked and uh um i don't know like i start

to recognize their walkout songs and to me it's like a kind of tradition like who's the 39 year old black fighter who need the guy in the head and then proceeded to do that i i had no problem with that guy until that ridiculous display after the fight like what was that about that was a little crazy right especially considering the guy was laying there all fucked up his thing is he's the soldier of god of god yeah so after he wins he starts acting like a soldier. He's saluting and praying and shit. It's pretty fucked up. He runs, jumps on top of the cage, then outside,

and then he does a full lap around the exterior of the octagon. Like goose-stepping. Not goose-stepping, but more of a soldier. He didn't kick him up. Not exactly a goose-step, but more like a soldier's march. He started marching around. It wasn't knee-high, though, right? Was it?

It was pretty flamboyant. He was really playing it up for the crowd, and, you know, lots of salutes, and, you know, saluting different directions and stuff. And, you know, meanwhile, the other guy's head is busted open because he just kneed him in the fucking skull, and blood is everywhere. You know, it's New York.

It's the first time they've legalized MMA there, um which i heard um dana saying had something to do with the hate the that the people had for the frittata brothers i'm probably pronouncing their name wrong or frittata is probably some delicious baked good and not that's what it sounds like i'm pretty sure i'm getting that mixed up yeah it's like a fried thing yeah Yeah. So the Empanada brothers weren't very liked, and I think that's why maybe MMA was banned in New York for so long. But you could tell that a guy got an eye poke earlier in the night, and the ref was real like maybe Mario Yamaguchi or whatever the fuck that guy's name is.

He was making a big deal of it. I found the march. Yeah. It's too much, I thought. Let's watch this. Yeah. So I time-stamped it. the march um yeah it's it's too much i thought let's watch this yeah so it's gonna i time stamped it it's gonna start like a few seconds after we click play you guys ready let me uh i'm all good

to go kyle ready yes set play oh shit that's a goose step yeah it's it's a little goose steppy i'm gonna let people i i'm trying to move the thing there it is people can see it his head man and then the punch he takes right after he gets near there were three punches they cut out the last one There were three punches. They cut out the last one. The ref did a poor job there. Rogan was calling out for it. Yeah, I didn't recognize that he was knocked out by the knee,

except that Rogan said it. Like, Rogan identified Weidman as knocked out before he hit the ground, whereas I was more ref-like and like, oh, I see. Yeah, he's not getting back. Maybe that helps. He can hear. Yeah. You know back and maybe that helps he can hear yeah you know when that knee popped his head i bet it made an audible thump if you're on ringside man because it was such a violent thing that and so quick that i wasn't quite sure what he had done it looked like he had jumped over his head and done i didn't know if it was a punch or an elbow

or a knee but i immediately saw the blood like flick onto the mat and that's the sort of like like you're bleeding that much that fast then you've got to be like slashed open and uh and then he starts like doing his goose step and everything that was a little much i didn't care for that um and i didn't even mind the uh the russian muslim guy like going all crazy with the russian there's 143 million russians only seven million irishmen ireland is shit you know just going on he's got that big like fuzzy hat on he puts it on rogan like i thought that was a blonde haired wig for the longest time i thought he was putting on like a clown's blonde hair wig i think you're right it's a big russian fuzzy hat um i don't know i think he's from like the the redneck part of russia you know what i mean there's video of him wrestling a bear when he's

like four that sounds like siberia shit like that's the there are clips on youtube of like some you know those videos you see that are clearly filmed in Russia, and you're like, I cannot tell if this was 60 years ago or if this is from a show they have airing right now, and this was last week's episode. And it's just a bunch of small bears with their feet crammed into little, like those old leather hockey skates, and then they're all given sticks, and they play hockey in front of a bunch

of I guess cheering Russians who are getting drunk and they're in and like it's incredible like they're actually kind of skating around like they're using their hands like help them but they're holding the stick and like actually batting the puck like it doesn't like the amount of wasted effort that they like they could have discovered something so essential with all the time it took to train those bears. All of the rules. I bet they didn't even have blue lines.

Imagine trying to teach bears icing. There's no way they'd understand that. I've got a story. So this is like a month ago. We're paramotoring. And if you guys watch my vlogs, anyone listening to this, it was the one where there was a picture of everyone together on top of the hill. I was so excited because it was my first paramotoring community flight. Six of us were up at the same time.

Anyway, one of these guys is a Russian. Afterwards, we go out to this bar. I'm just drinking sweet tea because I don't feel like drinking. But he is buying shots for everybody with what i could only guess is contempt because people are like no no no more no more and and he's like no take a shot take a shot just to pound and and he's drinking more and more he's drinking he's never missing a round he drinks so fucking much and he doesn't seem to slow down the bar bar closes, and he's just buying shots nonstop. People are like, you know, they were talking somehow like POW films came up.

And they're like, yeah, they would blink a lot to signal they need help. And this guy, he's a veteran. He's like, I'm blinking. Why the fuck isn't anybody helping me? He's making me drink. And we go to another bar that was open like past 2 a.m or something he's just buying more this guy is so he's rich he's like really rich and um i think we're an alcoholic yeah i i do know that um like one of his many businesses is owning a car dealership and rather than like pay cash for

his stuff he slipped him a bmw Hopefully that's not a big suke. I think it's okay. But, yeah, they did bartering instead of cash sale, which is legal. Everyone just back the fuck off. But anyway, he paid for it with a Beamer. He was just cool with that. Legal tender, yeah.

You don't have to pay him. The part is legal. I know. You know, yeah. You don't have to pay him. The fart is legal. I know. You know, the old bartering system. And yeah, so we went to the next place, and he bought my dinner. He was just buying everything that everybody had. And then we get back to the hotels, and he's trying to buy everyone whores. And yeah.

What a great guy. They're all going to bed, and he in the lobby like waiting. I don't know what happened after that. The story just ends. I know what happened. He fucked one of those prostitutes. One or more of those prostitutes. Yeah. Probably bought them shots. I wouldn't know. Everyone gets a shot.

Dude, I wish. I had never been to like a guy who led the drinking charge quite like he did. He's Russian, and no one could hang with him. And then the next day, he was completely fine. And he's fearless as well. It's because his secret is he's always drunk.

He woke up at 3 a.m. and had a few more drinks. He just rode it out, I bet. People who drank far less were really hurting the next day. And he was training paramotors. Like, he wasn't flying yet. So he's strapping that fucking thing on his back and running up and down hills with the wing over his head. His sweat must have stunk like fucking vodka. It just smelled like river. Maybe.

I wouldn't know. It was outside. And he wanted to fly. They're like, dude, you don't know how to fly yet? And it's windy as fuck. The instructor's like, I would not want to be up there. And he's like, oh, I'm fine. He's like, what goes up must come down. Let's go. Guaranteed he'd land.

Yeah, you're always guaranteed a land. Yep, yep. Maybe not a great one. It gets sucked up into an aircraft engine or something, I suppose. Eventually you'll land. Yeah, thus far, everybody's landed, I think. I write it in the book. It's like, everybody lands.

Did you know that Wade Boggs ate an entire chicken before every single game he played? That's they called him the chicken man that is why they called him the chicken man okay i doubt both the superstition and the nickname i will link you to this men's slideshow the man ate a whole chicken for every game. And then did you also know that before every game, Wayne Gretzky would eat four hot dogs with mustard and onions, and between each period he would in order drink a Diet Coke, a glass of ice water, and a Gatorade. I want to did you know you, but given that I'm on slide two and you're on some future slide

the answer is yes I'm on slide seven you're not getting me never gonna catch up there's too many ads in between you and me I want to be like did you know about Nomar Gala Para's batting preparation? What did he actually do? He drank like 50 or 60 beers on a transcontinental flight from like New York to California. And then he went like three for four the next day against the Dodgers or something like that. Maybe three for five. Yeah, something like that. And that's why they were getting hammered on the Always Sunny.

But the chicken thing, I don't know if you were joking about that, Kyle. That's true as well. No, I know. They call him the chicken thing, I don't know if you were joking about that, Kyle. That's true as well. No, I know. They call him the Chicken Man. Yeah, he's the Chicken Man. Charlie told me that. I thought that was a joke as well. Rest his soul, Ray Boggs.

I saw it on slide one. He's not dead. Yes, God rest his soul. He's living happily in his early 50s in Daytona. We're going to break Boss Hogg's drinking ratchets. It's Wade Boggs. Boss Hogg is the old redneck sheriff from the Duke Boys.

Kyle, you didn't talk about a co-worker you hated. I hated that guy who always had psoriasis and was shedding everywhere named Uncle Bob. That was disgusting, and I felt like it was just like i never mind stinky food um i like china my favorite lunch like takeout thing to get delivered was chinese food it was like szechuan chicken and we would all have eat that stinky szechuan chicken in the same room so it was kind of a group thing um i don't know oh the so we would get uh sats, we would have lunch catered, and it was always either... It was always fried chicken. It was always fried chicken. It was church's chicken, maybe?

And the black guys would always get up there early and get all the chicken, if I'm being quite honest. It sounds a little racist, but the boss would make sure that his three or four or five managers got up there first and they did all the they did all the drumsticks and that always annoyed me there were never any drumsticks left for me nothing but thighs and I don't care for that gotta dig in there for the meat I don't like chicken on the bone drumsticks are good and

the white meat is good the thighs are not good and Kyle's right chicken on the bone is a pain in the ass to eat, although drumsticks practically come on a carrying container, so they're better. Yeah. Yeah, drumsticks are better.

Yeah. Thighs are one of the best piece. The only piece better than thigh, I think, is wing. I never liked managers who seemed to, like, say one thing. I don't think you know your chicken, Taylor. Oh, fine. Sorry, Kyle. Back to you, manager. I didn't like my managers who would say one thing.

They would teach us one thing or they would say one thing in private like when it's just us car guys, but then when there's a customer sitting there, it's like a different game plan. You never want a manager with a public and a private position on things. That's how it was, and it was almost so that he could swoop in and be like, oh, you're doing that to him, Kyle? How could you? When you're dealing with manager Greg, you get the blue carpet special. Why could you do that to him?

It was almost like he wanted to come in and close the deal by cheating, and I didn't like that. Mostly, we were taught to be real hard asses and be kind of mean about things and just up front, really, and not bullshit around and waste time, and then they would come in and literally do that. I didn't like that. there's nothing in really we had oh we had one i had a co-worker who was always trying to sell um amway or some shit he was it was some he was always trying to push phone cards or um some kind of pyramid scheme in this in the business like like in the dealership and we had a corporate office upstairs that oversaw the whole southeast

division of AutoNation and he'd be up there trying to push his phone cards on people way above any of our pay grades who just happened to work in the same fucking building and they fired his ass real quick for that. I don't know. No specific

things. I can't think of really. The opposite. I had a co-worker who would practically decorate the door to his cube saying, Girl Scout cookies sold here. That's all he had to do. Then people would beat a path to his cube and be like, alright, get me some Thin Mints.

Yeah, that's cool. I got no problem with that. That's the kind of business that you can include into your day-to-day job. When you're selling Girl Scout cookies for your kid, I think that that's a known thing. It's not like we're hustling cookies and his daughter's going to some sort of vacation or something. It's the Girl Scouts. So I think everybody understands that one. But when you've got fucking Larry over there slinging phone cards, it's a different story.

Dude, Pyramid Scheme Guy is also a bad guy if you have ever worked with someone who's like yeah i do this but i also on the side have my other company and then you find out that they're selling like a kai berry juice to a bunch of unwilling grandparents and trying to get you in on it and it's have you ever been propositioned about a pyramid scheme because i have and it is you always it's one of those conversations that in your head you're like well I know exactly what I would do I would look at him and go you idiot I can't believe you've fallen for this nonsense

you really thought that you were going to pay $380 get this shipment of Jesus berries and then people all around you would be you know shelling it out to get a chance to wet their lips with these delicious berry juices that have so many antioxidants like you're a're a fucking idiot. But the real conversation goes more like desperately trying to maintain, like, you're talking to a kid who believes in

Santa and you can't let it slip that Santa doesn't exist. So you have to be like, oh, wow. So you're, you got three people working for you now. Working for you. Also selling berries. They bought their berries. That's great. That's awesome. You know what? I'm glad to see this is going up for you. Me?

No. No, no. I'm not much of an entrepreneur. I'd stick to this. You know, I'm not a... I don't have any... My berry funds are dangerously low. I'll keep slaving away here this nine to five

and let you real geniuses go out there and make the real killing. Yeah, I'll watch you from the stands. You go do great things. Several people have approached me with those sort of things. One just a few months ago, like two months ago. But they're not approaching Matt Woodworth. They're approaching Woody's Gamertag.

They feel like if they can hook that whale, right, then Woody pushing Amory is going to be making videos and instantly getting like 350 people under his network which will of course make the guy that recruited me in very good shape and and it's just like fuck oh by the way no completely unrelated completely unrelated but if you want to sign up for patreon there's a link down below um you know a lot of people are going to be getting this show on Wednesday night, which is one of the perks of

being a patron for, I think, $10 a month. No, that's maybe even $5 a month. It's definitely one of them. Yeah, one of those small increments of money. And yeah, this is one of the shows that we recorded on a Wednesday, so they get it super early. Our patron friends. Speaking of that, let me read

an ad right now. patreon is not a pyramid scheme because i guarantee you won't make any money on it no you're the single berry no berries at all let me uh tell everyone about movement watches while you look for our next thing i'm trying to think of what what would i start as a pyramid scheme to fool people? Think on that while I tell everyone. The past few months, we've been working a lot with movement watches. We love them. You guys love them.

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is whatever product you are selling is completely ethereal. It doesn't matter. It just has to be cheap. It has to be cheap and easy to ship and distribute because otherwise it's useful. If you sell something that's actually high quality, you'll lose money. So you have to think of something. What's cheap that you could convince someone else?

Because you're not thinking of something that you could sell to your friends because that's impossible. You're thinking of what do other people think they could sell to their friends. It needs to be weight loss. It needs to do something to your dick. It needs to be something that appeals to

the average consumer's vanity. Something like that. It needs to be something that appeals to the average consumer's vanity. Something like that. It needs to de-age you, make you skinnier, make you more successful, or the whole pitch can be all of these things and money. If you look at late night infomercials, that's all they are. We're going to make you rich, or we're going to make you skinny, or we're going to

make you younger. That's about it, right? It's all P90x and fucking you know every they got this cooked all those like uh cooking implements that'll make pancakes i'm gonna get i might get a pancake robot have you seen the pancake robot we'll go to that later oh it also has to be something that is consumable preferably so that they'll be coming back and so that you can hook those same people and get them to buy another startup kit when it's going just so well. I can't get past this concept.

It's basically parties, right? So speed dating. And I feel like Tinder has maybe wiped this out. But how cool would it be if people paid whatever it is, like $20 to attend your speed dating session? Bunchers. I'm sorry, what? That's what I call it, bunchers. Bunchers. I'm sorry, what? That's what I call it, bunchers. Bunchers, okay.

I can work with that. And basically you're a host and you help people meet each other and you provide the infrastructure for a successful night. And then other people can also host these parties. And while it's not strictly consumable, it is kind of consumed the minute the party ends.

And you just need to sort of wrap in new people and get them to speed date until they meet their Mr. or Mrs. Right. But all that you've really, you just have a flash mob orgy app that a bunch of people, I guess, get together and are like, hey, there's six people up in North County who want to fuck.

You know, everybody pile in. We've got to make it over there. You know, a bunch of ugly men and one very displeased woman are about to have a very enthusiastic evening. Statistically, nine out of ten people enjoy gang rape. Statistically. But see, you provided more of a service. We need to think. Why can't it be a service?

They're ultimately consumable, right? Because you don't want them to actually pay a dollar to use it. You want to be able to sell them, hey, here's 70 vouchers for my orgies that I host. And it's only $300. And then you sell these to people underneath you and they can come to the orgy. But even then, it needs to be something that has more of a down tier. So it has to be like Kyle's. It has to be some kind of lotion maybe.

Dick cream I disagree with because I don't think people are going to buy dick cream from their friends. They won't buy anything intimate related. I've bought so much dick cream from my friends. I made a lot of money. I'm his dick cream supplier. Yeah. That's how I got this house. That's how he got those women.

Kyle's the best guy on my downline. That's how he pays me. I'm here right now for the dick cream. Yeah, it's got to be something anti-aging. Maybe appeal to the pseudoscience kind of, I don't eat gluten. I don't eat anything with tannins in it. You know what's a powerful but evil market?

Selling to parents of autistic children. They pay a ton. Oh, it's the cell. Ah, just go a step deeper. Find those cancer kids. Those are the real desperate people. Oh, I know. Televangelists. Let's just go straight to that.

Deeper yet. Who needs a product when we could sell the word of the Lord? We never even made a religion like we meant to. We should step. I was on board. I'm on board for it. Who's going to write our founding documents? I've already got a few notes. You do?

We need to make sure that we agree on all the aspects of human morality before we create our religion. I believe if Kyle writes the aspects of human morality, there'll be nothing disagreeable on there. There'll be rules we can live there. Not a bit, no. There'll be rules we can live within. Every man for himself. Something like that.

I don't know. I like the idea of the televangelist, though, because then you don't even have a product. Your product is salvation is salvation and faith based but if we're gonna sell a product then it needs to be something we then we just make up because everybody's already heard of the other stuff right you come up with a new kind of berry that's gonna make your dick harder your eyes work better make you run faster than there's gonna be no i've heard of magic berries before those are those are bullshit you gotta come up with a whole new thing. You've got to have some pizza rolls that make you live forever or some chew-in inserts.

Some kind of pheromone cream is what I'm thinking of right now. Testosterone boosters. You rub this on yourself, and at first, the smell of it, the invigorating testosterone oils or whatever the fuck you say, it makes you more confident. People who try this feel 60 percent more confident you know or just whatever you whatever you make up it doesn't matter and then you also say that the smell of this entices people of the opposite sex like like a pheromone like those things that get bees going all about uh pollinating you know that's

the same science i've read about that before i've heard about that yeah i see in you know the backs of magazines and stuff they're selling like you know some pheromone that's supposed to attract women or something like that. That seems like absolute horse shit, right? Oh, it's total horse shit, but people would buy that. I ran across this ad. It wasn't testosterone. It was for a product that makes your body produce more testosterone, and it caught my attention. I was like, really?

I'm going to look into this. Google, see if it's right. So I do a couple of Google searches and now my history is filled with this bullshit. For the next month, I am blasted with like Be Young Again ads, all sorts of testosterone boosters. T-Bomb 2.

What was that one called? T-Bomb 2. It's the letter T, dash, bomb, the kind you put in a mailbox or wherever, and then the number 2. Oh, all right. That's the kind of product I want to put in my body. Because I'm convinced I would like to be on some T. I think I'd have more energy.

I don't know. Lots of great things happen when you get the chemistry of a 20-year-old again. That sounds great. But thus far, it seems like everything is a scam. Yeah, this is what we always took when we were, I don't know, when I was 19, 20, something like that. It's called T-Bomb 2. Did you feel more virile? know i am not even gonna speak to that because of the placebo effect but um i remember the things that literally just did

happen was uh i sweated a lot more than i normally did i just did there was more sweat for the same amount of physical activity and um my i took more than you're supposed to take by double i took a double the normal dos, and my pee turned a fluorescent green. I need this to work really fast. I'll just take twice as much as they say. You know how medicine works. Sometimes I just drink the whole bottle of NyQuil. I need to get ready real quick.

I'm not talking about taking two pills a day instead of one for a week. I'm talking about taking eight or 16 pills a day or something retarded for like three months or something like that so you were just pissing so you were basically doing that thing like if i took 50 centrum men's tablets every day i would my body wouldn't be like god what do we do with all this niacin like it would just be like you just pee the rest of it out yeah i wanted to meet my i was trying to reach my body saturation level if you will daily i wanted as much my i was trying to reach my body saturation level if you will daily i wanted as much as i my body could take in each cell had to absorb the maximum amount of whatever that bullshit product was all those those fucking ground up cambodian roots

that they still use tribe or whatever even on even on, it had four stars. Speaking of trines, did you know that in 2006, the Ecuadorian national soccer team, in addition to sending their team, they also sent a witch doctor to make sure that there were no curses or evil spirits that could cause them to play worse in that tournament? How'd that work for them? They didn't do well. Even with the witch doctor there? Their loss had nothing to do with demons, after all. It had to do with it being Ecuador up against Germany and Spain.

Mostly defense. It was mostly a defense issue. At the end of the night, the spirits of not back-checking really were there in full form. I can see little voodoo dolls, like wearing soccer uniforms. She's poking them in the leg and stuff, throwing, throwing yellow cards at them. It's not working.

And Bruce Gardner in the NHL was having such a difficult time scoring in the 80s or in the 90s that his coach told him um you're being too gentle on that stick you're treating it too well you need to teach the wood to respect you and so he before every game would tape his stick up and then dunk it in the toilet and then not touch it again as a way to show the stick who was boss and he said that he started playing better and then his quote was uh as he told nhl.com in 2007, you tape it, you dunk it, and you don't touch it. I'd do anything for a couple goals. I like it.

His first shot of the game, the goalie feels like a smattering of liquid on his face. Every slap shot, he's getting a little piss water in behind it. Oh, the classic Bruce Gardner first slap shot of the game, always a Devastator. You weren't goalie. Did you have any superstitions? No, I did the same kind of rituals before every game, but that was mostly just stretching out

or doing the tennis ball juggle on the wall, trying to get on point with reflexes. But no, nothing superstitious. No, I wasn't like that. I should have had something reflexes but no nothing like superstitious no i i wasn't like that i should have had something fun but no i did the same warm-up for both swimming and all different for swimming and hockey but in both swimming and hockey i did the same thing to like get ready for my event and uh but it didn't seem superstitious to me i just sort of stretch out the hammies stretch out whatever it was just being push-ups and be ready the one so i did do not so much a ritual was i would always make sure that i saved because there are certain stretches that you do before a game where

it's like you can look at someone stretching and be like what in god's name are they stretching but they're doing something in that position that doesn't look like they are and there's stretches like that like where you put your hand on the wall and you're stretching your hamstrings right before and then there's the very impressive looking stretches where like you flip a leg up and you lay it down in front of you and you have the other one behind you and then you do the full splits in both directions kind of showing that off i always saved those for when i was on the ice because that like there was like a point there when i was maybe like 15 where most goalies hadn't given enough effort yet to be good to where if teams were like,

oh, fuck, that goalie can do the splits. He actually takes this seriously. That was an actual thing people thought. I always liked getting out there and busting out the flexibility, which now is... I'd have to go to the hospital if I tried to do any of that. Yeah, we would be warming up before a game, and my catcher would, if the other team was

within earshot or could see, he'd catch and he'd go, ah! God damn! He'd take the glove off, look at his hand, he'd be like, look! Ah, God! He's really playing it up. Do you think about playing hockey again, Taylor? Yeah, I think I'm

going to be playing this winter in a men's league. Yeah, I think that too. I wonder if it's true. There we go. Like in my case, I don't know. I'm not throwing stones at you. I was just thinking about this morning. Like I should get out there.

Maybe if I join two leagues, you know, it's a couple workouts a week. The thing about it for me is like I know that just like any other time I've gone back and played hockey, I'll get out there and all my goalie stuff and just be thinking the whole time like man i really wish i could like be a forward right now and like try my hand at scoring and like playing out but i also know that i would be i would be a burden to everybody else there if i did decide to play forward because i'd have to wear my goalie skates because i'm much much better at skating in those so i'd have those big plastic clown ridiculous i was gonna say you should play out right just play out that's the position you'd like to give it go play out and then you said you're going to wear those clown shoes and i'm like no you can't no i i couldn't do that like

i'd have to wear regular player skates which would make me so much slower because i could out skate people there in my goalie skates almost positive but i would look like such a fucking goober and it would make me so exhausted to do it because you can you can get going on player skates pretty good because it's like it's rounded on the edges of the blade so it's meant to go like you're running like back it's meant to goly skates are long and flat yes it's meant so we're speed skaters they don't make you faster they just make you agile they make yes they make it so that you can very quickly get up and go. Like, do a little hustle and start running on your blades. With goalie skates,

you have to push back like this. So you can get going pretty good if you're good at it, but you also are using a huge amount of energy, and it's exhausting. So I don't know. I just know that if I was forward, I would, like, fuck up every pass, and then just, they would take it, and I'd be like, oh, Jesus, again.

I don't know. Do you skate well enough backwards in your goalie skates to play defense? I can skate. That is one. I can guarantee I can skate better backwards in goalie skates than any of those people on player skates, unless they're actual hockey players. You can get going quick in goalie skates if you know how.

Who are we going to play against if not hockey players? I mean, we're on a hockey rink right with skates and sticks like you're gonna have a hard time finding some people don't know what they're doing right not really i mean some because most of them never played competitively most of them played house league or if they did play the highest they got up was like a double a team or something i saw i saw a couple of hockey videos the other day that i liked one of them was that guy dressing up as a bum and playing with the beer leaguers and then turning it on mid-game and just making fools of them all. Just playing keep away with the puck.

Was it New York? No, I know exactly the one you're talking about, though. The guy played left-handed off the start and looked shitty, and then he switched to right-handed. You're playing for Colorado, right? The one I'm talking about? Was it Peters? His name's, I'll find it in just a moment.

Are you talking about Forsberg? I might be talking about Forsberg. From like a long time ago? I'm just guessing. Yeah, well, he's older now, but they brought him out, and they recognized him a little bit, even though he was pretty dressed up. Oh, you know how they do alumni games every year in the nhl with all the old players

the it's almost like the blues are trolling other teams because their goalie this year in the alumni game is martin broder who played i think 11 like 11 games with the blues and the other the other 1500 games of his career with the new jersey devils and he finished his career with the New Jersey Devils. And he finished his career with the Blues, so he's going to play for our alumni team. And then Wayne Gretzky is on our alumni team because he played for the Blues for like 30 games or something in 1996. I didn't know either of those players ever played for you guys.

Yeah, and that's why it's funny because they're not known as Blues players at all. But they just were like, oh, we need a goalie. And Brodeur retired like last year. We should just lock this up. Just win. Still lose out of play, I'm sure, unless he got real fat. I don't know. I thought that was funny.

It's Pavel Barber, I think. That's the YouTube channel, for sure, is Pavel Barber. He's like a stick handling coach. He's not an actual NHL player. No. He's a lot better than those beer leaguers, though. Who's the guy in Florida? Pavel. Am I mixing up? Kovalchuk. He's not an actual NHL player. No. He's a lot better than those beer leaguers, though. Who's the guy in Florida? Pavel.

Am I mixing up? Kovalchuk. Yeah, I think I am going to do beer. Yeah, some kind of beer league this year, even if I am playing goalie. Because, I don't know. It's just a fun environment. I like the environment in a hockey locker room. It's more cut loose and fun and fuck it and very enjoyable place you want to listen to this uh this trump uh prank phone call it's two minutes long sure that sounds great

so this is a guy who works for howard on the howard stern show or for them uh he does a trump impression he uh he comes on does it a lot like they have like a fake debate between bernie sanders and donald trump where they scream obscenities at each other and stuff like that well in this case the impersonator is calling a Mexican contractor because he's got a little work he needs done. Are you guys ready? Yeah. Ready, set, play.

Yes? Hola, amigo. How are you? Diablo. Okay, Jose, I've got a big construction job. Are you interested? Lots of money. Of course I'm interested. I make anything. Now listen. Okay, Pablo, can you build a wall? I have anything I can do. I can build walls,

houses, anything you need. Good, because I want you to build me a wall. Julio, I'm talking to you, buddy. Trust me, Diego, this is going to be the biggest construction job you've ever done. Huge. My name is Jose. After this job, you'll have enough money to buy a billion chalupas. Trust me. What? Are you fucking around with me or do you want me to build a wall?

No, no, no, no. Amigo, amigo, you're going to build me a wall, okay? Why? Because I'm Spanish? I'm supposed to like chalupas? Stop it. Stop it, okay? Now, hold on a second, me.

Everybody loves me. Now, can we build a wall with a wire that can zap Mexicans when they touch it? You want to zap Mexicans? Only the people who are stupid enough to touch the fence, because, honestly, you've got to be stupid. Oh, you a fucking racist now? No, no, no, no.

I am a realist. I'm going to pay you big bucks, Juan. Trust me. Big pesos, Juan. You're lucky I fucked up because I could go up there and beat the shit out of you. I see you on TV, and I tell you again, my name is Jose. Okay, wonderful. Therefore, you are going to build that big wall for me. You think because I'm Mexican, I'm going to build you a wall?

That's right, Gino. You're out of your fucking mind. You're't gonna be fast because Mexican people hate you. No, no, no, no. They love me, Felipe. Everybody loves me. You're gonna love me. Trust me. You know, good racist

piece of shit. If you don't watch yourself, I'm gonna make that wall really high. That I can do. Come on, motherfucker. Make it higher. Chico, it just got

ten feet higher. I'm gonna put you down and I'm gonna fuck your wife, you motherfucker. Oh, and there we go. All the way to 30. You blew it, Chico. You blew it.

It's a wall. Now you really pissed me off, Pancho. You're not only building that wall, but you're paying for it. You're coming back because if I find you, I'm going to chop your head off. Now you really pissed me off, Pancho. You're not only going to build it, you're going to pay for it. Yeah, that was the kicker. Do you think a lot of these things are staged?

Do you think that was staged? No, I don't think so. That was on Stern Show. And they've got guys, they just do that all day. They're constantly calling people. I think that one's legit. I don't know. I thought it was pretty funny regardless.

Yes. That was pretty good. That wall thing, I think he's going to build the wall. I'm just going to be honest. I think he's going to build the wall. Maybe. I feel like a fool saying what I don't believe. I'm like, in the heart of it, I actually believe that from everything we've seen, at the very least, there is going to be a fence that goes all the way.

And there are going to be spots where there's something impressive to look at that is a wall. Like that has to happen. I saw that the congressional Republicans are getting the bill together. They want it ready on day one. I see Trump still talking about it loudly and proudly on 60 minutes He went into it to quite a bit He has to do it at this point if he had if he had like gotten quiet on the wall Like right after he won if he was like, you know, maybe we don't need a wall Maybe maybe if they if they hold up their ends of the agreements, we won't need a wall That's maybe that's what we're going. You know, maybe if he did that he was like look look Mexico

I'll negotiate hard. You don't want a wall then we need you to work with us here here and here if he done that then all right no wall he was bullshit and he lied to us i think he's gonna build the wall dude i think that it's one of those promises that he couldn't get into office and immediately be like no we're not actually we're not gonna do that because that was such a big part of what he was saying he was going to do. Maybe not like, you know, the big thing was immigration itself. I'm telling you, that wall was big. And the means by which he was going to do that was the wall. But even if he doesn't plan on doing it,

he wouldn't come out and say right now, I'm not going to do it. The biggest reactions from the crowd when I was there was about the wall. It was, you know, that's the part where the crowd, like, knows what's coming next, you know, and who's going to pay for it? And, you know, 3,500 people just scream, Mexico. I don't think he can walk backwards on this one. I think he's going to build that fucking wall.

I just do. See, he's made a lot of promises that he's not going to keep, right? His tax plan is not going to be anything like he said it would be uh his list of day one things i think we did on the pkm when we went through it but i've seen a list of day one things somewhere he's not going to appoint a prosecutor for hillary he said he may later but he won't right there are a lot of things that he's going to have to walk back on i think more than most presidents because he made these sort of i'm not telling you how i'm doing it but I'm doing great things type of promises all over the place but the wall like I feel like he's McGregor at this point

like really you want to bet against Trump that's your play that that's a good way to lose it's a construction project right like it's not like he said he said yeah it's not like the whole campaign he was like yeah I'm gonna fix this the whole campaign. He was like, yeah, I'm going to fix this part of the tax code. If he didn't fix it in the end, you'd be like, well, writing fucking tax code probably isn't his strong suit. But this is a construction project. This is literally building. It's a construction project. It's his bread and butter.

It's as perfect a thing for him as we can imagine based on the image of him that he is. What if he just put his name on an existing wall? Wouldn't that be his bread and butter? Yeah, maybe so. If there was an existing wall to slap his name on, I bet he would do that. There's fence. There's quite a fence.

It's just not what he wants. I picture it like the Hoover Dam. I'll be disappointed if it's anything but straight out of Game of Thrones, giant, smooth concrete with Trump in not just gold letters, but, like, gold, bedazzled, bejeweled, like, shiny letters. And on the American side, there's, like, macaroni grills and Bill the Bears all across the way. On the Mexican side, it's just a slab of concrete, you know, desolate desert. Orange Julius and stuff.

It's painted terribly everywhere. Yeah, I saw on the... There's like a Trebuchet subreddit and there's a little bit of a cross subreddit thing the other day between the Trebuchet subreddit and the Donald, because the Donald has been

suggesting that a Trebuchet might be a good way to send the Mexicans back. And they've got these diagrams of how a Trebuchet works. And then the Trebuchet people thought that was really funny, and they were like, look, we're not suggesting we're going to hurt anyone, of course.

A big, soft, cushy area on the other side of the wall will be provided. There'll be a foam pit. And they're like, when the mechs can send their siege machines, they're not sending their best. They're sending low-grade catapults. Their weights are not offset correctly. The payload is not being

released. It's bad. Bad, bad siege machines. We send our best. There's a whole forum of people talking about trebuchets yeah i'm into it too i like that my god i've been i've been wow you can build yourself a pretty cool fucking trebuchet for a few thousand dollars and this is something that can throw a you know a large rock or piece of steel or whatever a long way you know person, yes, that would work too. So I have some interest in trebuchets.

I've always thought that, like, that would be a cool project to build. Like, what if I had my own trebuchet? That'd be neat. You know, something that could lob, say, an engine block-sized thing. What if you had something that could throw 500 pounds of iron and steel 300 yards? And it doesn't use gunpowder or propellant. It's ropes and wood and a counterweight you know you make the counterweight with water you can just have some containers fill them up with water oh we're going to move the trebuchet drain the water out sure yeah you drain the water out now

you just got a big piece of wood you can wheel around so you can have some fun with a trebuchet i actually watched a special it must have been like five thanksgivings ago did he play piano in England? it maybe they did at some point it was like the 10th annual pumpkin heaving pumpkin chunking and they had like certain ones

where it was just you rolled a pumpkin into this basically rail gun and then it just fires it out there were three classes and then uh jesus christ and then it just fires it out. There are three classes. And then, Jesus Christ. And then there was the trebuchet class. And then now, what am I explaining it for? What are the three classes?

The three classes, you have the air cannons. They use compressed air and these are the most powerful of the pumpkin chunkers. They have very long barrels, very big thing. Are they chunkers or chuckers? Chunkers.

Pumpkin chunking, so it rhymes. So those use compressed air, and they can shoot like a fucking mile, like 5,000 feet, I think. Then you have the trebuchets and catapults. These are machine-operated. They use springs. They use wound rope.

They use counterweights, that sort of thing. The catapults, trebuchets, things like that. And then the really cool outsiders, and there's only a handful, are the centrifugal machines. These things have a long arm that starts rotating slowly, but slowly picks up speed until you have this really long arm, and then they release at the perfect moment those machines are much more expensive harder to use and more dangerous the real thing is that pumpkin chunking has been shut down for several years now maybe it's new maybe they fixed it this year or like recently but what happened was it was close close um under

trump maybe you wouldn't be able to sue the makers of the people who run the pumpkin chunking operation because you overturned your atv checking out a pumpkin and hurt yourself because that's what happened somebody was going down range on an atv as they do to get the measurement the distance traveled for the pumpkin he wrecked he hurt himself really badly then he sued the people who put on pumpkin chunking and there's been no more pumpkin chunking for many years now it's a real shame because when I was in high school, I was really into it. We had the Discovery Channel cassette,

and we'd watch it in shop class, and we had plans to make our own, and it was a whole thing that never came to be. Well, that sounds like, not like the kind of hobby I'd want to get involved in, but that one that would be fun to pop in if a friend was involved in it every once in a a while in north carolina you can't sue someone if you hurt yourself doing recreational stuff on their land um now pumpkin shocking might be different because

you might pay for access and if you pay then there's a higher like expectation of um like i don't know the safety and taking care of but like if you go and play like soccer on my land or something and i'm not billing you for it my right for keeping you safe is the same as my like my obligation to keep you safe is the same as mine of that of a trespasser like provided i don't have like fucking bear traps laying around in the yard you could kill yourself and I'm fine. It says here the lawsuit was filed in 2013. A volunteer spotter at the 2011 event, he was on an all-terrain vehicle going through the field to help determine the distance.

And what happened to him? He alleged that the... He was somebody I hit with a pumpkin. Oh, that would be insane. Liable for serious spinal injury, he suffered when the ATV he was riding flipped. He lost his job and had great difficulty walking after the incident, according to court documents. So this is a volunteer guy at the event, wrecked a four-wheeler while going to look for where the pumpkin landed, and he hurt himself and sued back in 2011, and they settled in 2013.

I don't know what the current shape of the sport or event, whatever you want to call it is. I see a Huffington Post thing here from 2016 that says, two injured in horrific pumpkin accident at Pumpkin Chunkin Festival in Delaware. How? In this case, an air cannon called the Pumpkin Reaper exploded as it launched a pumpkin with a trap door and other parts flying into the air, according to footage posted to YouTube. I'll look for that video.

A 39-year-old woman who's not been named was struck by falling pieces in the head. It arcs down on the woman who's running away as it hits her. I've got to find this video. And it looks like a 56-year-old man suffered non-life-threatening injuries. I'm looking for some video of the shit going down. Pumpkin Chunkin exploded as it launched a pumpkin. Oh, the video's private, of course. Well, it is high pressure.

You know, you're tampering my enthusiasm for being a Pumpkin Chunker. I want to see somebody grievously injured with their pumpkin when their pumpkin chunking goes wrong oh that's a good thing i've seen what they do now what i have seen is they take that big air cannon that shoots the pumpkins and level it and aim it right at a car and then they shot the car in the door with the pumpkin and it really fucked the car up it it it put a big hole in it you know ever since that one episode where I didn't, the drinking episode where I missed the first 90 minutes

I still have like a PTSD from that I check that recording like every 90 seconds I'm on top of that shit it's never happened before that was a one strike and you're out thing

now Kyle's leaving. So he won't be able to back me up. But oh, man. Like in that moment, I was so defeated feeling where I was just like, God damn it. This is that feeling of like now for the next like six months, like I'm going to be like starting to tell a story and I'll be like, wait, did I tell this for real or did I tell it in the 90 minutes where I was a

little bit drunk? I thought those 90 minutes were junk I like I remember I opened the breathalyzer we we didn't drink at all we took our first drinks on camera like there was nothing really drunk and fun about it but Kyle thought they were good so I thought they were really good as well but you know thanks to the patreon we forged ahead and we did a whole four hour show after that so that is a thing like talk about value we used to cancel shows like once a month like once a month we just say yeah someone can't make it i'm not doing a show if like wing isn't there kyle's not there or something like that like ah fuck it uh i don't know or or me wouldn't be there sometimes you know but like

we used to cancel them all the time and uh but now that like there's a patreon thing it needs to be probably unexpected and serious you know for a show not to happen it's been when's the last time that we've missed like that we missed a week i don't know i mean we did the show when we were in the middle of the woods in uh like where were we georgia for the survival episode we did yeah kyle when's he'll have that on in a second when's the last time we missed a pka kyle it was um last christmas maybe um maybe we skipped skipped it or we did it a week off or something. There might have been maybe the Christmas before that. I thought we did a thing where it was like, you know, the guest isn't coming and it's Christmas. And maybe you had family doing some things and maybe I was doing something too.

Seems like that was when it was, a Christmas thing. Christmas doesn't even seem seem like if you are to give a pass to any of those missing like christmas is an excuse like when's the last time like a real like you know october 6th we just didn't do it or like you'd have to go back to before lefty got gone um i think you would have to go back like three years to a time where Woody, I'm sure, and the thing that would have done it would be like Woody can't make it. And I'm left to decide if I'm going to go on and do a show with Wings. And so instead, I think Wings might have went and like did some kind of a show with some people. We might have missed one when I did MineCon, maybe.

It's possible. This is something that people will know and comment immediately yeah here's a definitive list of every week and the corresponding date that they missed the show november 2nd 2013 three of them are post patreon much to the chagrin of would be and his false assumption you know there's something like that where it'll come after you like you were trying to pull the wool over their eyes right hey i have a question for you guys my shirt should it be one more button i can't see how many buttons there are there is just a regular two button polo or three button um three buttons the top one would be way up here which i think you do i like exactly what you're doing now.

I think your shoulders are too wide for that shirt, though. You leave two undone. The thing that I didn't know for a long time was that, like, fucking shirts don't fit everybody. That we're all shaped different, so why should we all fit into three main sizes, right? So, I don't think that that particular cut is perfect for your

wider-than-normal shoulders that you have, but you're perfectly good with the button. I like unbuttoned and with my ear with the button like yours like right there you look like a priest who forgot his white don't do that yeah like you you look fine i wouldn't do that though this is a henley and so obviously you don't want all all three of them undone here yes i do I do. Not unless you want some dick. I look like a modern pirate. I like it. You should wear more blouses.

What is this? Good look for you. Maybe I got that ruffle. Wear Prince's old stuff. Exactly. The puffy shirt. I thought you were wearing a t-shirt until I saw your... It's just got three buttons on it. That's all him in there.

He thought he was wearing a very furry t-shirt underneath. It's a warm shirt. I do feel like this shirt doesn't fit right. I don't know. It's all natural. I think that your shoulders are just a little bit too wide for that. It's hard to find clothes that fit right.

I've got plenty of shirts that don't. Most of my clothes don't fit. I can't find any pants that ever fit because my legs are so long and then my waist is small. But then it gets big again. Nothing's going to fit me right ever and look right on me unless it's custom made, which seems so not something that I want to own or be a part of is like getting into some goddamn custom made clothing i bought jeans at nordstrom six weeks ago and had them tailored to like didn't we just establish nordstrom was for gay people and that

was why they were i don't know i just picked the biggest store i could think i like nordstrom because my blouse is just right but. I bought jeans there six weeks ago. And they were like, hey, do you want us to bring up the pant leg a little bit and fix it? Because they only have the extra long pant legs. And I was like, no, it's fine, whatever. And they're like, really? We'll do it for free. And you can just come back and get it. And I was like, sure.

And I completely forgot that I bought jeans at Nordstrom until uh the garrett that cut that nice gentleman garen whatever the fuck his name was from nordstrom called me today and was like i just wanted to let you know that uh we have your jeans here they are all finished up it shows that you purchased them on september 26th i just wanted to make sure you're coming by to get those tell me you lost a leg yeah like, like I'm up there. I left their kid at after school care for too long, and they're calling to make sure I'm really coming. Like I totally forgot about it, but that's good.

That guy saved me money, because I would have just left those fucking jeans there. Speaking of saving money. Tell me more about saving money. Well, I've got some offer codes here for you. Actually, yeah, let's do this one. Casper mattresses are obsessively engineered american-made mattresses at a shockingly fair price i don't know if you know this and now you can get 50 towards any mattress uh purchase by going to casper.com

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I really do love mine. And going to the king size, I've said it over and over, but I don't know what took me so long to do it because it's such a huge improvement. Yeah, king is nice. is a california king and people have the false impression that a california king is bigger than a king it's just different it's a little bit longer from head to toe and a little bit smaller from shoulder to shoulder um both huge you know even though ours is narrower than your shoulder to shoulder we find that there's plenty of room for like grown-ups and great danes and who knows what but uh you can get eight people in that bed yes there's plenty of room but yeah we have a california king it's not it's just a little longer and narrower yeah i'm a big fan of it it's super soft i got a pretty low what i had

before was so tall like my dogs would wouldn't even try to jump on it. It came up to like here on me. And I kind of went the opposite way this time. It's very low. The little yippers, as I call them, the Datsuns can jump right up on it. And they definitely love it. So, yeah, check out a Casper mattress. If you're in need of a mattress, man, even if you're on a budget,

that cheaper $550 mattress, that's wonderful. Make your life happier. Yeah. I've only in my short lifetime bought three mattresses, I think. I bought one for a girlfriend, one for myself, and then this Casper thing. But when I bought hers, it was like four years ago, something like that. And it was kind of an annoying process because we went to the mattress store. We picked it out. And then they had to deliver it, but they couldn't deliver it that day. And it was a bit annoying.

Then they came in. You got mattress people in your house. You don't know who they are. So, yeah, definitely check out Casper. It's the way to go. Yeah. And, dude, just the unwrapping process is fun. It's like a big day.

Like, oh, my God, the mattress is here, my mattress. What? I ordered it king size. How can it possibly be in that box? No. It's in a big day. Like, oh my God, the mattress is here, my mattress. What? I ordered it king size. How can it possibly be in that box? It's in that box. Yeah. I'm going to guesstimate the dimensions to be less than two feet deep and less than two feet wide and maybe three feet tall. And out of that box comes a gigantic mattress when it inflates and

it's not like it takes all day it's not gonna be like slowly inflating over the course of 20 minutes you got your mattress in maybe seven minutes yeah I was maybe less or I don't know so that's a good range short time yeah it happens in front of your eyes it's like it's cool it's cool yeah let me tell everyone about uber while Taylor's stepped away here. We've all taken jobs to earn extra cash. Back in the day, I resorted to prostitution. But I've got a better way to help you earn extra money on the side. It's so much easier today, thanks to Uber.

It's a totally flexible way you can earn. You can turn it on and turn it off just like your car. If you have a few spare hours here and there, drive with Uber. Have you ever wanted to be your own boss? I bet you'd make a great boss. Drive with Uber and you are your own boss. If you're driving right now, you should be earning right now. I'd do it. Every day is a payday when you drive with Uber because you can cash out anytime with instant pay. With access to instant pay, you can cash out your earnings up to five times per day with no minimum amount required. Listen, if you enjoy earning extra cash, if

there's something special you'd like to buy, your car can start making money for you. So go ahead and get your side hustle on. Sign up with Uber today. Go to uber.com slash drive now. That's uber.com slash drive now. U-B-E-R dot com slash drive now. That sounds like a great...

Is there shit in your life you wish you could have but you don't have money sync up with uber you can get more shit yeah i don't know what the the minimum age to get on board with that but man if i was a 16 year old and that's a thing you can do probably not 16 right i'm gonna let me get that i should get that right for you guys let's see what's the minimum age true a trooper? I'm gonna... I'm not even gonna guess. I have a number in my head, I'll tell you if I was right or not. Wait, wait, wait. Don't say it yet.

I found it. Okay, what is it 21 ah 25 yeah that would have been a good guess because the insurance and stuff but uh maybe that's not a concern for uber for whatever uh internal reasons but yeah 21 uh most places 23 depending on your city maybe new york has some special uh requirement or something like that who knows but 21 for most places it seems yeah it's like that sounds great at 21 i would have definitely done this just just to meet new people i bet you could meet new girls really easy like like that seems like a like if you're in a new city or something like i know there's a neighborhood in atlanta that i used to stay in a lot in east atlanta and there's just so many bars

and uh in this one little area and then all the housing is kind of eight blocks that way. Just too far to drive if you're drinking. Any distances. And I was just thinking, man, an Uber driver could meet so many girls and get so many numbers if you were just trafficking that area and picking them up.

This might not be a line that they want us to pursue. Think of it as social interaction you meet lots of new interesting people uh if you're if you're i remember when i first went full-time at youtube uh it was there was like there was nothing stopping you from working all the time you could always be getting gameplay always be making commentary you know two videos a day kept me pretty busy and then when i wasn't doing that i was replying to comments i was on twitter etc i talked to other people they did the same sort of thing there's like there's no breaks at work you know at least

everyone else is leaving by five this sort of a model around and you want to you know when when what you do is so directly connected to how much you get paid, there's no breaks on how much you can work. I wonder if this happens to Uber guys too. If they're like, you know, I could be out there right now. It does. Oh? Yeah. My driver, when I was coming back from maybe the first or second leg out in LA this most recent time, he was an older Spanish guy, maybe 50 or 60. And he talked more

than I cared to listen to, to be honest. But I got in. He sold me by the end. I was into his talk by the end. At first, I just wanted him to be quiet. But he was explaining. I was like, how long he'd been working. He's like, you know, why go home? I can just stay here and just keep making money. He's like, I've been going for 17 hours, 17 hours today. He's like, you know, and his phone rang. It was his daughter. He said, my daughter needs me. After you, I'm off work. She needs me. Now I'm going to go do her thing at her school. I'm going to go make sure all that's okay. Then maybe I'll take a nap. Maybe I'll pick up somebody else. That's what this is. And I was like, oh, that's really cool.

He's like, yeah, they hate it. They hate it. He's like pointing at the taxi drivers he's like ah fuck you fuck you uh it's a neat world people have heard my spiel on it so many times but this this notion of i don't know flash entrepreneurship i think is kind of cool that's yeah i guess i guess people who work uh you know overtime jobs where like you where maybe you're a nurse or something and you could always take an extra shift if you want or always get another half shift and you're making time and a half or something like that. They probably feel a similar push to work. I remember I used to get time and a half.

And I would fight for it. I'd want it so much. And I'd get like 41 and a half hours. And it's like, no, no. Because you work 50 hours. You make like, I'm messing up the numbers, but twice as much as you work 40. Like all that beauty is in the last couple of hours. And there was one week when I think my parents took me on vacation or something.

And so I came back and she's working me like 12 hours a day. And she's like, what? What? I thought you always wanted extra hours. And I'm like, bitch, you know why? You know I like 12 hours a day. And she's like, what? What? I thought you always wanted extra hours. And I'm like, bitch, you know why? You know I wanted time and a half. I didn't want 12 hours in three days. I can't fucking get time and a half.

Of course, I didn't say any of that. But I thought it. I thought it out loud. Well, I mean, thought it loudly. I know Jeremy went and he worked on some, is it EMT? Yeah, EMT crews that were going down uh it wasn't katrina although that no it was katrina yeah he was young he was like 16 or 17 they were getting work to go work uh down in um new york louisiana like trimming it was mostly like going in he knew

somebody who had one of those uh bucket trucks that has like the boom and the bucket on the end and that those were key to like cleaning up the hurricane damage, cutting, you know, trimming limbs, cutting stuff, fixing power lines and stuff. And they were getting paid an outrageous amount. It was like, it was one of those things where it just keeps compounding. It's like, well, if we work Tuesdays, we get triple time and plus our per diem and the per diems double on, you know, double Saturdays. If we come in then it was just like and they're there to work and there's nothing else to do so they just always work like constantly and he was actually making some outrageous money at the time uh he spent it all on red bull and dip

but i um i don't want to give details away but i there was a company in my universe and uh it was a successful company. You know, every year they get like 400 grand in profits, 600 grand. Like it was doing fine. And they did environmental work. And then Katrina hit and suddenly they had like a $7 million a year. And, you know, so I guess they're accustomed to living at like a $400,000 or $500,000 a year lifestyle. $7 million rolls in and now they're accustomed to living at a $400,000 or $500,000 a year lifestyle. $7 million rolls in, and now they're just rich.

My father was like, you see? You've got to own your own business because then you're in the game. They're just there treading water all this time. But because they were in the game, when the big opportunity came along, they hit it big. At the time, I'm like, fuck, really? So making $500,000 a year is not good you know not unless my girlfriend's family my girlfriend has family who are already like and have been for a while because they thought the marijuana thing was going to go through in florida they're

already like getting that together she's like you know talking about x hundred thousand dollars is going to here and this person is in and that person is in like they're starting to get some sort of grow operation down there like they're trying to get in on the ground floor of the medical marijuana that's a great idea i assume but then also maybe it's so like i bet if you were to go try and start a business now in colorado i bet it's really really difficult don't go to colorado go to florida massachusetts nevada yeah but colorado yeah but I would think that like saturated you know Joe's pot shop in Colorado already has the legs and the know they know the right people in the industry and everything that they can immediately go set up a bunch of shops in Florida now you know whereas if you're

a Florida guy who's just trying to get it going now you're probably behind the behind the wave a bit I tried to invest in marijuana I don't know and it was harder than you'd guess. And there were all these like, dude, I want to invest in people smoking a lot of pot. Can we make that happen? So then you look up these marijuana investments, and they're like, well, this company has found a legal extract to do this or that. Like, no, no, no. You ruined it. People are going to get high. How can I make money on that?

How about this? Why don't you put together a fund that is lots of things? Like diversify it, right? So that maybe 20% of the fund, if you're investing into it, is about cultivation. It's about people who are actually cultivating and then selling it to the shops. And maybe another percentage of it is about lighting, investing in the companies who make the lighting or the hydroponics. And then another percentage of it is going toward maybe a specific product,

an edible line. You've got Woody's Crazy Taffy that's THC. I looked into it, and this is nine months ago, but it was harder than you'd guess to find like an actual pot play they were all like way off to the side and then um i was reading about it and a lot of these companies that like you can invest in are a lot more smoke and mirrors than you might guess it's like all right here's a company its Its valuation is $20 million, which is super small for a publicly traded thing. And it's like some guy's fucking extra large, I don't know, plastic garage with a bunch of tables in it.

Valued at $20 million. It's just complete horse shit. People investing in it, not really knowing what they're investing in. Just knowing that it's pot. It's tulips in the whatever 16th century how do they do that do they say do they basically like sell somebody a half of a percent of the company for fifty thousand dollars and then they go oh look at that we're valued at 20 million or whatever like how do you even establish that i don't understand

i don't know the specifics of how to IPO, but that is how you get value. Your most recent, whatever someone paid most recently is what your company's, all the other shares are worth that now too. But how you get on the pink sheets, I'm not exactly sure, but jokers are getting on them. And it's, I don't know.

I looked into it. I tried to invest. And in the end, my money just stayed in my own pocket. That seems like you need to be the guy they got to come to invest because it seems like that guy's hard to find. You know what I mean? Like if it's so hard, because this isn't a novel idea that we've come up with. Hey, let's invest in marijuana. That seems smart.

The thing is that there's not a clear, clean-cut, safe way to do it that's transparent. Sometimes we're willing to travel and actually look at what the hell you're buying and what this thing could be worth. Yeah. I would like it if there were a fund that I was putting my money into that wasn't just one thing. It was safe because it was all the things. Someone hook us up with your ideas and I'll look into them. You know, when I looked into them nine months ago, even the funds seemed filled with bullshit.

And also, again, a lot of them were like, ooh, here's a legitimate corollary business that's kind of pot. And I'm like, no. What I want to do is make a bet that this stuff gets as popular as alcohol. Right. I think that in 15 years that will be the case. It's a solid bet. You're already on track if Colorado is indicative at all. Right. So when you're telling me, hey, here's not you guys, but when you when the world tells me here's a farmer company who took all the fun out of it and found a way to make an anti-nausea drug that's somehow cannabis related. No, no.

The bet I want to make is that it's as popular as alcohol. How do I make that bet? Yeah, you don't want to invest in the bullshit part of pot where there are people like, well, we made this lip balm out of THC and it will help your sore throat if you use it right. But also it won't make you feel high at all you won't even know you used it like it's like no what no so you went in there and you took out the part that people are using it for jackass nobody wants that like what they want is to

go man I got a real headache I'm gonna get high like that's that's what they want to do they're just manufacturing excuses to get high I want it to look exactly like chapstick and then I'll just peel the label off and no one will know I'll be there at the gas station, you know, or wherever it is that I hang out. That's a thing. That's not a made-up thing that we just invented.

That's a thing. I didn't know that. Every way to consume it is a thing, whether it's a mouth spray, a drop under your tongue, or a suppository up your butt. There's a way to get high that you haven't even heard of. You can put drops in your eyeballs. Joe Rogan used to use it as a lollipop for Fear Factor. He felt like he did the job better if he was sucking on pot lollipops. Well, they probably kept the nausea away.

Does it taste bad? I forget who was telling me, but someone was saying there's a reason it's in brownies. There's a reason it's in these really sweet, strong-tasting, good things. Because you can't just make a pot fruit juice or something because you'll taste the pot in it, and it's hard to overcome that. Yeah, I think it tastes like it smells. So probably pretty bad. Yeah, probably not very tasty.

Skunky. Smells like a concert that I don't really want to be at, but a friend dragged me along to because they had an extra ticket. And you're here now, so make the best of it. Yeah, it smells like that Toby Keith concert I went to when I was 19, all because I got guilted into it. Well, how are we going to sell an extra Toby Keith ticket? So now I have to go to Toby Keith because you can't get an extra ticket

because you broke up with your girlfriend too soon before the concert why are we even going anyway you got these tickets for her it's the night of whoever this happened knows we're talking about them if he if we were still close and he knew I did this fucking podcast I'm sure he would know he'd be like oh yeah I'm the guy who drug Taylor along to the fucking Toby Keith

concert and he was miserable and hated it the whole time and didn't want to you know line dance with all the finest in central missouri you know i'd rather not i like that it's missouri and not missouri yeah well yeah they should they should change the name like completely they just changed the spelling after this last election because it's definitely Missouri now. Yeah, Missouri won out over Missouri by about 600,000 people, if I recall, based on the numbers. There's a couple. I think it's Nevada, but I'm not sure about that. I'm pretty sure it's Oregon, like almost G-U-N, not Oregon, Oregon.

And Missouri is obviously Missouri. Those people don't know what they're saying. Yeah, it's definitely not Missouri. Because there is an I at the end of that word. There is not an A and then three H's. Sometimes I'll accidentally pronounce the S on the end of Illinois. Nobody says Illinois. I know they don't, but sometimes it comes out of my brain

that way. I can't believe you mess up names, idiot. You fucking... You rube. All the time. You're definitely right about it is Oregon, not Oregon. Oregon sounds like Sauron's first lieutenant.

But of course, Sauron was Morgoth's first lieutenant but but of course saron was morgat's first lieutenant so of course of course obviously do we need to say as we think that's what the movie should have been not i'd go completely unbuttoned i'd i'd get that yeah that's for sure but after taylor i'm less of a man i i this is me in seventh grade all over again, right? Just hoping I get his chest hair in a few years. I was looking at it funny enough is when you made that comment, Kyle. I was a little disappointed because I was looking at my chest in my little screen, and I'm like, man, that doesn't look that hairy.

That looks pretty good. That looks normal. That's a normal chest hair. And then you're like, oh, look at fucking Willie McGee. I'm not saying it's like austin powers it's it's you know it's it's a full yeah it's just a very full tuft of chest hair you have there it's yeah definitely definitely a few tufts that's a great word oh i'm pretty hairless everywhere like like my thighs aren't even that hairy. Like, my ass isn't hairy at all.

There's no hair on my back. Like, maybe one or two little stragglers on my shoulder every now and then. Just pluck them out. But, yeah, not a lot of body hair. I lost the shoulder war a few years ago. The great shoulder war. Where you're like, oh, man, stuff's starting to creep up and then eventually you're like well you know this is a battle that's no longer fought there's a new cultural norm

that's been established around my shoulders can i see your shoulders do you have short sleeves on no i don't have short sleeves it's less it's it's not nearly as hairy as i'm exaggerating that to some extent my shoulders aren't very hairy but I can see I'm worse. Whatever you are, I'm worse and I can tell you why. The weather vein of hairiness has already shown that I will get very hairy shoulders by the time I'm in my 40s

mid 30s maybe. I have this shoulder which is to me a fairly normal non-haired shoulder and then I have this one which has the camera's not really picking up but there's a bit of a birthmark on it. And in that birthmark grows some dark hairs. And they've always existed. When I was like 12, I was like,

yeah, I just got a little bit of fur. But somehow as puberty sunk in, it went from like a little bit of blonde fur to like a little bit of brown fur, which became unacceptable. At one point, i don't know i was like 13 or something and some asshole 13 year old goes oh man you got hair on your shoulder and that's when i started to shave it and i still do and that's that's all that it took for you your

entire life to just part of your morning regimen now is just whoop whoop whoop and then that's what you do yeah my wife will have a razor in the shower and it'll be like oh it's been a day or two you shave it and it's done it's crazy how stuff like that sticks with you and you still think about it i still think about shitty little philip in second grade we were sitting our little lunch table and i was chewing and i had my i had a cross bite that was not good before i had braces and it's still my bite still not great and he just looked at me as i was eating i didn't think anything of it and then he was like why do you chew like that and i was like why do you chew like that? And I was like, why do I chew like that? Like, my mouth isn't open.

I know I've been taught to keep my mouth closed. My mouth's definitely not open. And I'm like, what? What are you talking about, Phil? And he's like, you know, like this. Like, really jutting my lower jaw out like I'm a horse, like a cow chewing the cud. And then, like, from then on, I'm always,

I still am self-conscious about the way i chew because of little fucking shitty philip when we were seven he had to point something out and i was like yeah and i i know it's not like that but it was just like man i just do i look like a steam shoveled pit bull like this big lower jaw coming in even remember the guy trying to think of other good examples i I do remember he was ugly. There was an ugly guy in seventh grade, so I just moved to Ocean City. I don't have any friends. I'm new to this school, whatever.

And I'm riding my bike home, and it's hot out. It's super hot. And he's like, oh, look. You sweat on your upper lip? That was all it takes. Now, for the rest of my life,'m like aware i never want beads of sweat on my lip i'll just wipe it down for always i don't does does not everybody sweat on their upper lip isn't that a no i don't sweat on my upper lip and it seems like i should lucky bitches

no i will sweat on my upper lip but i am diligent about making sure sweat doesn't accumulate on my upper lip. You wouldn't know. Yeah. I don't sweat. I sweat everywhere else. Yeah. I don't sweat very much at all. My back, of course, and, like, you know, the big parts. But, like, never my face.

Look at that spider crawling on the shoulder of my chair. Don't see it. Never. Oh, I do see it. Yes. Yeah, he's okay. But I just remember Jordan Wansley in elementary school. We're out there playing flag football, and his face was just beaded with sweat. And it's just like, what's wrong with you?

He was riding his bike in the summer. Come on. We're all outside in the same heat playing football, and this guy was sweating like he doused his face in water. It just looked so unhealthy. This just reminded me of the sweatiest guy I had gym class with. And it was a combination of him being the sweatiest person I've ever met to this day. And also the person who tried so hard at every single game in gym

that other people would be like you know rounding the bases and kickball and you know just jog and like talking to friends as you're walking or on the other team and he's the guy that's like right behind you who like caught up after his big home run and he's like come on move taylor go we gotta score these runs and he's just sweaty and freaking out my this my left ring finger is still fucked up and bent on this like little last area like the knot it's all just like it's like a knot that knuckles more of a knot than like a it still bends but not very well and how it happened is this guy was on my fucking flag football team in gym my senior year of high school and this guy matt indian dude not that athletic but he was

running down the field on the other team i went up behind him grabbed his flag you know kind of just held it around here because everybody already figured it out and this guy who was on my team ran up to me grabbed the flag out of my hand with such force and ferocity it was like a monkey hand like no gauge of strength clamped on grabbed the rib the flag and my finger and yanked it back and then like held it up in the air victoriously like if like if kyle caught the winning touchdown catch and i ran up to him and grabbed the ball and was like ah like and held it up to show and my finger made the loudest like popping noise and it didn't even i'm glad it didn't process at the time of like being a bad injury i just kind of thought like well when

something pops you just give it a yank and it's all better you know it re-pops and then the joint is correct and so i kind of just yanked it really quick and it didn't make like the that you're supposed to hear when something pops back in it made the sound of like you remember those Sun chip bags that would crinkle way too loud it was like that it was like those Sun chip bags before they came to their senses where just made the loudest cracking it hurts so much and I just I didn't go to a doctor because I thought it would heal fine and now I still have a fuck you right ring finger I feel like quite that way because that ass was pretty athletic like you you flag football tackled that guy and didn't even like you're like

yeah he wasn't that athletic it was not a big accomplishment yet jackass seemed to think that taking it out of your hand was a big accomplishment that if you could fool everyone into thinking that he chased down indian bill or whatever his name was that uh dot or feather uh dot dot i chased down the indian mahesh that uh that everyone would be so proud of him but uh you were just like no biggie yeah he he just he took everything way too seriously and he got way too much he got a lot of shit for it to the point that like this is the same dude that i still didn't get mad at him for it didn't do anything to ever piss him off because he was the guy that i was always extra nice to because i'm like i'm gonna get a call one of these days that says

taylor i see you in the parking lot today seems like a good time for hooky and i'd be like you know what loud and clear in my car and zoot on out of here but of course thankfully that never ended up happening but that was my that was my contingency plan if there was someone who was going to spaz out in my class it was this guy and i i hedged my bets but god damn i was pissed off at him just being like god damn it like if i wasn't so afraid you were going to come to school and god damn shoot me i would be so much madder at you for breaking my finger over this flag football in first hour which now i just have a sensitive tender finger on my pencil the rest of the day that's very uncomfortable but anyway yeah i it's very easy to feel athletic in a high school gym

class especially as a senior yeah i go back every now and then just for a pick me up yeah sometimes i just stay in the car and watch. At some point, that will stop working. Well, from a distance. You'll be 45. You're like, yeah, I go back, and those bitches are 18. They're really fast. They're quite strong.

They just glide across the field. Fucking, I'm plotting. It's not the pick-me-up it once was. I don't play against the seniors. Get some freshmen in there. Let's play some volleyball. Work your way down to middle school, like dunk on those low nets.

Oh, now that would be fun. That's where I could shine. I guess middle school athletes. This is where Kyle needs to put. You could be like one of those. Like you know how like some country like Croatia always tries to enter like a 41-year-old ex-Olympic wrestling coach. As like their 16-year-old wunderkind who just shows up

and gives him his passport and shows him, like, you visited the Soviet Union? That was dissolved before anybody was allowed to compete in this. Oh, that's my parents' one. They'd pass it down in my country. But that's what we need for you.

We need you, Kyle, to be you know the um pros versus joes but it's just kyle versus you know are you are you more athletic than a fifth grade are you more physical than a fifth man you know we've talked about it endlessly but that whole thing about how many like 10 year olds or five years or whatever you can beat yeah that would be great that's that's the that's the. That's the VR experience that I want. I want to fight children. They need to get right on that. 10-year-olds would be, I don't think, I think that's a difficult number.

I bet five, you could crush them easy. Quite a few. Probably eight, five-year-olds, no problem. Depends on your fighting style, I think. If you ever let them get hands on you, like multiple of them, and you start having to shake them off and rip your clothing away from them and then deal with them I think that you get a cumulative effect where like you might be, you know, five of them grab you you knock three off But while you're knocking three off five more grab you and you can only knock three of those off

So now four grabbing you and then three more come and you can only knock one off and now there's fucking eight guys holding you But if you got some kind of fighting style that you've thought of to deal with these children i would imagine a lot of kicks a lot of being very mobile and trying to get outside the you know the huddle a lot you know i think like oh i'm not used to fighting one person yeah i'm mostly for charities and shows usually i fight a big group like if you're like normally i don't fight one person for so long if you're finding if you're fighting five-year-olds you have to immediately kind of target the lightest child because that's who you want to go for first because you can grab them maybe on the way to the lightest child you throw a couple jabs take one or two out hopefully

they don't get latched onto you. But you need to get a hold of a light kid by one or two appendages because that's going to be, and not joking, that will be a weapon for you. Yeah. Whether it's actually picking the kid up and spinning him or it's more of just like a, you know, you're like the alligator in the death roll. And you kind of flip him over here as a block. Then you flip him over here a little bit. Block, block again. You know, but at this point, the kid kid's screaming the other ones are horrified they've seen this kid picked up mangled his arms dangling by a few bits of sinew and skin and they're and they're thinking man this

guy's playing for keeps and you continue your manslaughter but uh the point of five-year-old there's 10-year-old i bet i bet you can't take five 10-year-olds i bet i bet that totally could and it was like 100 right any of us you know would just any of us would crush it's one 10 year old so badly that the others would just be shocked that's the problem is you can't do it half speed right it's not like oh if you play wrestle with five 10 year olds you'll get a vibe for it no i need to be able to un-fucking-load the kiss of death on their jaws to really make a go of this. If I just play wrestle with them,

that's the worst fighting style. I want to make them cry. I want to pound the first one down. Instant unconsciousness on a couple of them. Just overhand rights that keep on coming down because this fool is only three feet tall. Yeah, you can get collaterals on these children. You're like punching them like it's an old slapstick

where it's boom boom boom more people in a row now i'm kind of exaggerating but that's the thing like i you can't go half speed to see how it goes you need to really be able to unload on them to get a vibe for how many you can handle if you hit one fucking kid as hard as you can like as a man in the chest even you're gonna break his fucking sternum he's crippled right there you hit him in the face he's unconscious or his face is bleeding so bad he can't see if you're just you could almost the real question is how many can you take on your knees right you take your mobility and kicks away i take all comers on my knees. Yeah. All comers, you say. There you go.

But still, even on your knees, I feel like you're grabbing the one on your back and flinging him over your shoulders. You're getting like two at a time by the throat and smashing their faces together. But they're going to overcome you pretty quick on your knees. I mean, you have to – okay. Obviously, the argument always is I need to borderline murder the first one to put the fear of God into the remaining... There's no borderline. He'd die. You kill the first 10-year-old once. You kill the first one.

I'm just saying, imagine... These are wildling 10-year-olds. They see their fellow boy or girl fall, and their efforts are redoubled. I need to fight for little Samson right there who was crushed so mercilessly by that 30 year old adult For no reason we were just looking at toys in this KB toys Beating the shit out of us Why is he wearing a gi?

So I saw this video right it was like pussy past It's like Pussy Pasta 9 or something like that. Dirty old E beating the shit out of kids in a toy store. Where you grab the knot. It's not even eight 10-year-olds together. It's just assorted kids throughout the store. There's one! There's two! So it was in a restaurant.

And I think there were like maybe five, six girls bullying this one. And I don't know if the dude that jumped in was a boyfriend. I don't have the backstory. But he started fighting these women, five, six women, like they were men. He's just fucking throwing haymaker after haymaker. And this guy successfully beat up like six women at a time. And I would argue that... I remember this video.

We watched it on PKA. It's in asia right yes now don't you think those women were equivalent to at least 10 year old boys yes at least yeah that's a good point but they were unmotivated they they were they they were a bit you know when you came in there dude i love that video because yeah we should watch it again we should get a refresher i've been looking for it for a few seconds here they fight more if i recall the way that like women in a group like that do fight where like he becomes engaged with one of them and the other

ones kind of sneak in with like pot shots and like nut kicks and trying to fuck with them like that but again these aren't wildling women they immediately collapse under pressure it's like they aren't used to being battered in public no none of us are really i mean you know we're talking about them but like if somebody punched me in the fucking head i'd be a little put off too yeah i found it i i linked it oh you all, we got it. Ah, from channel56.com. Whatever. Where are they trying to get me to go? Channel 56.

All right, it's on live link. I have the tentacle porn. I like the tentacle porn. Go to the big screen. The monster will have, like, 14 limbs, so he can do, like, a different thing with each tentacle porn The monster will have like 14 limbs so he can do like a different thing With each tentacle A couple of them are restraining the chick of course But several of them are just penetrating in various ways

The images I have seen of tentacle porn Are very unbecoming I do not It makes me feel uncomfortable Can we play this? Yeah it's hard to wear your pants watching that stuff You gotta take those off Ready set play Yeah, it's hard to wear your pants watching that stuff. You got to take those off. Ready, set, play.

There's a lot of Chinese beer sitting around Making for some good life decisions coming up. In a second our hero is gonna come flying in from the side. some good life decisions coming up. In a second, our hero is going to come flying in from the side. He's in, knees the first chick in the rib cage, throws a couple of elbows, knocks his women down. I'm spinning back this. I did not know.

There's this guy laughing in the foreground. He loves it. He's not even fighting all of them individually. He's like, now it's your turn Got you look you just think oh, you're gonna hit me in the back. You're next did a lot of them He's not even hitting them intentionally. They're just getting too close to his cyclone of limbs Like a big punch at one of the girls and then through his erratic movements He talks three other ones like a bad and then they a basketball player with a rebound, just fucking throwing elbows. Like, I don't mean to hit anyone in particular, just people nearby.

Yeah. Look, now some guys are trying to get involved, and he's still just like... I mean, there's a crowd of people pushing him out, but he's still in control virtually. Like, that was pretty good. I liked that a lot. Those women deserved it, because that wasn't even a fight. It was more of like there was one woman on her knees on the ground looking down,

like with her hair in front of her face the way the ring girl did, like all sad. And they were just, you know, straight down, top of the head punches and slaps onto this poor girl. And that guy came in like a hero, like a public servant. I did not know the music was going to be part of that video yeah i was waiting for that i couldn't remember what it was i knew it was either that or like and they say that a hero could save us but just beating asian women like that's what i want i want like freeze frames every time he's like loading one up and like the girl's face is like... The 1960s Batman pals! Zango! Winnow!

That was the worst fucking show ever. Was that not garbage television? I watched that as a kid, like five years old. That was whatever I was watching. Nickelodeon, probably. That shit was such garbage. Even as a child, I hated that. It was like it was Batman so I was excited about it, but

it was like this was just poorly executed. This is bad yeah batman has a belly garbage yeah when you're fighting adam west wanted like a serious part in like the batman reboots it's like no no no you ruined my childhood you can't ruin my teenage hood yeah yeah there are some shows that are just so badly premised if that's the word you'd even use that like you know it's a bad premise when kids can see right through it like the best example i can remember as a kid is street sharks where it's just a bunch of big sharks in cut off uh cargo pants ostensibly father was a scientist. Yes, and they have rollerblades on a lot of the time, and they rollerblade around and they save people.

Apparently there's nothing more comforting than seeing a giant shark on rollerblades barreling towards you as you're being mugged. You're probably just saying, just take the money and let me fucking run. They were shark men. Top half shark, bottom half men. They didn't uh i the

rollerblade thing does sound familiar but the main mode of travel they employed was burrowing through the streets like some sort of mole like they would just like swim under the asphalt and then all of a sudden they all burst through it like through the asphalt like you know whoever's like paving the roads in that city is just going out of their minds because these street sharks are popping out left and right and then they fight crime but they were exposed to some sort of like chemical or something that their father was working on when he was killed by the evil bad guy of the show i used to watch that as a lot a lot as a kid street sharks there used to be a fair amount of rollerblade based movies and stuff that would pop out right like i remember watching the power

rangers and the ninja turtles both at one point on rollerblades and as a kid i'm like this can't be the best way to fight crime you can't even pick anyone what happens if he fights you on carpet like yeah there's a movie like kid moves from california and he's like a surfer dude over there but now he lives in like Minnesota. He becomes a hockey guy because he could roller blade all along and he was a natural because he's from California and everyone there is just great at blading.

Yeah, these street sharks, even just watching the intro again, they kind of inconvenience minor criminals and some major criminals, but mostly they just are a boon to infrastructure and any kind of street advancement in the city. It's, oh, what happened? Well, there was a minor burglary at the 7-Eleven.

We need to apply for another federal grant to get our roads fixed. Because the fucking street sharks. The street sharks came in here and tore up half of fucking Main Street. The red light's gone. Why in God's name can't you go protect a coastal city? Chicago's fine. No, we like it here in Chicago. A boon a positive thing right they're a boot they're not a boon for infrastructure

or do i have it backwards if you're working in infrastructure it's a real working yeah yeah if you're like a crooked contractor you fucking love the street sharks because they're constantly making work for you but um yeah they would they would be good for the public no no they're they wreck these are nobody would even give these people a chance to be the good guys they they couldn't come out and give a good enough speech that people would trust them i wouldn't i still don't have gigabit internet oh somehow infrastructure popped in my gigabit internet they've um they've drilled under the street in front of my house, but that's as far as

they've got. I don't know. They used some magic burrow. Probably street sharks. Street sharks. A hole that pops up on the other side, but they haven't installed it across my yard yet. We'll see. I'm starting to believe it'll happen. That's going to be cool.

That'll be nice. I wish there were some way to take, you know, to take full advantage of the full, you know, power of that. Like, I don't know what it is. Right? Firepoint, craft again and host it at home with my gigabit of bandwidth. You know, one of the things that require that much bandwidth, maybe some sort of, like, VR gaming experience

where we're all in the same room together and it's just real life. Maybe something like that. I just don't know what we need that much bandwidth for. Gigabit? I feel like that'll just be fast enough through 2050. It'll be a long time. As resolution goes up for sure.

Yeah. I just... Shit. What do you need? Is it 15 or 25 megabit download that you need for 4K? The thing is, 4K and bitrate aren't exactly the same

thing. Netflix delivers their 4K in about... It's either 15 or 25 is that what it is i'm gonna google it uh i'm guessing 15 that's good that's what i'm gonna go with but i'm just thinking you know 8k 25 okay so they say 25 which means that you could have 40 streams going at once. That seems like a lot. Yeah. You go to 8K, though, and now you can only have 10.

Yeah, that sounds right. That seems like a lot. And 8K, when do we think we'll get that? They're filming Guardians of the galaxy 2 and 8k are you right i i feel like people don't have well okay i'm sure you're right about that but are you right in this idea that it's going to come sooner than i think i i think oh no no i i don't i don't think we're going to be putting 8k displays in in american homes on any kind of uh like level or numbers anytime very soon.

4K is still a verging technology. Not everybody, I've got 4K screens, but I only get 4K if I've got a specific kind of media that I'm using, because I don't have the bandwidth. We still have a 1080p projector in our living room. It just, every so often I look and I'm like, oh yeah, new projector, I could do that. Ooh, six grand for a 4K projector?

Yeah. I look at those things a lot. Maybe next year it'll be two. I'll just hang on one more year. That's what keeps happening. Yeah, I look at those things a lot because I'm fascinated by the idea of that, not only the massive screen, but maybe even the versatility of that technology that, I don't know, I'll just take this with me this with me uh gonna put on a movie in the

park tonight with all my friends you know whatever you're gonna do with we thought about that too it was like i wonder how we just like swing this over to the pool turns out i like having it set up just right you know so i'd probably make sense like have one for each but are there like uh is there a fine tuning that happens? Okay. Yeah, yeah. It's in two ways. Like one, so if the screen is crooked, by even like a half a centimeter over the course of 109 inches, I'm not happy. Yeah, it's a couple degrees. Yeah, I'm just like, no, we got it.

Who did this? Did someone touch that? You know, do I have to fix this again? Or if it's not in the absolute best. And at 1080p on the size of our screen, it's not super sharp. Like 4K would benefit in a 109-inch application. So sometimes I'm like, are those words? Is it fuzzy?

And I'll try to get it perfect. And I realize it already was perfect. So it's usually not the like the show you're watching It's like some word like you know it had a round edge or something like I can get the soft edge I'm always interested in like what's the best way to consume this media? What's the the the the in what way am I getting the most beautiful experience out of this star wars star trek uh the the master was a movie that was filmed in uh in film something like that and i see that a lot of the new big blockbuster movies the star wars stuff um i can't think of the the other

several big pictures that are coming out soon are doing uh different kinds of film for higher resolution and different kinds of the new 8K cameras and the crazy digital stuff that's getting so close to film now with resolution. I'm glad that I've got that legit projector place 45 minutes from me that has the 70mm film

projector because I don't know much about the different kinds of film stock because 70mm this way but how tall is it? There's several different kinds there's 65 millimeter and there's old 80 millimeter stuff but i like that i like every time there's some sort of niche way for me to consume the new star wars movie that gets me excited that i might be seeing it in some fancy super duper way i feel like if i had 4k at home that would be the best way to consume media on, I was going to say on Earth.

Someone will have a better home than me. But like the best way available to me. Because going to the movie theater, you still have like seats around you. You're maybe not in the perfect place. The audio in my house, I feel like is better than a movie theater. You know, like it's right there. It's next to you. It's surround.

It's right. And it's just the way I like it. It's got this much bass, but I can still make out the words. And it's it's right there it's next to you it's surround it's it's right and it's just the way i like it it's got this much bass but i can still make out the words and it's all what i want 4k would be better but god it's hard to beat a home theater like that's that's the bomb i agree yeah if there's you add so much by being in your comfort zone and uh and not having you know just been you know we got that movie that movie popcorn money or whatever, but, you know, you're still getting ripped off, and we all know we are when we buy it. So there's something nice about being at home with, like, your own shit.

Other people that maybe make noise you don't want to hear, or they're noisy. Infuriating. Or their phone, like, they just might have checked a text message that was silent, but it still took your attention when you saw their basically flashlight, you know, that is a phone that they checked real i really hate that shit i've talked about it before i can't remember the specific instances

but like i've gotten infuriated before at movies because of some shit that people are doing because because i want silence i want fucking silence have you dead silence the opening scene of the martian like have you ever made a scene at home go on have you ever made a scene kyle by like speaking up and stopping someone from being never uh someone spoke up and stopped us one time uh when i was we were watching return of the king lord of the rings return of the king and it wasn't there was no dialogue on the screen it was the scene where they're marching uh onas Tirith, the armies of Sauron. And those

big cave trolls are out there, and they've got drums. You remember this? They're beating on those gigantic war drums. And my buddy goes, who made the drums? And I was like, yeah, who made those big drums? And the guy's like, shh, we all pay to be here and i'm like we're

just wondering who made the drums and he's like he blew a gasket about and hey maybe i would today but as a kid i would have thrown a shush if it was in the middle of return of the king be like first of all it's very disrespectful to all the gondorians who lost their lives here and all of those in us gilead who had already lost it also they're not just trolls the uh the olag high are what they're known as uh yes so there's different kinds of them different you know you're right about that because the troll that like when it is yeah well i was just thinking like they appear differently and and actively like it seems like the cave troll was like real dumb like kind of slovenly guy who was bent

over and not really didn't really know what was going on but I recall that when those what are they called the trolls there they have some mountain trolls that were push it grand the big the big grand and then they have the other Olag Hai

who were the ones loading up the catapults. Now, which ones were the ones that actually had armor and those big war hammers that at the end they're pounding on the door and Gandalf and the little guy are just talking about what happens at death. And he's like, Oh, this is not the end.

It all slides back and becomes silver. he starts talking about the afterlife or whatever and it's a really nice moment it's a yeah that's like um the troll I guess like a level of intellect above that cave troll you know the one they had in Moria where all the

goblins basically just led it around on a chain by sheer numbers and they were like alright you know just you go in here we know in the middle of this fight you're going to kill a lot of us on accident and we accept that. That's alright. And so you just fight alongside us we're going to do our best to stay out of your way, big guy.

And you just do your thing. These trolls were a little bit more organized. They weren't going to accidentally stab their fellow troll or an orc right in the head. He was within that chain, willy nilly. Dude, you make me want to watch the show right now. I want to watch the trilogy and just fall asleep to it.

I own it. Just fall asleep and get a good night's sleep from Woody. I need to watch it again. The chain, actually, fun fact, if you're me, for no one else is this fun, in the Lord of the Rings trading card game, the minion, the cave troll you

could equip it with a chain and a kujal to make it stronger so there you go there you go yes uh the cave trolls kujal which is just a big stick they found in the mines and then they gave it to them as far as i can tell nobody's stick in the mines There's no trees in the mines. Timbers. Oh, I don't know. Just scaffolding. Something that fell down when they destroyed different parts of the mines. You know. They had like crazy scaffolding built.

They did, yes. Yeah. Yeah. It was part of that. They delved far too deep. And they call it a mine. A mine! A mine! You know.

My cousin Balin will give us a royal welcome and then he goes in and he sees all the dwarf heads with arrows in it and no no why is that so funny to you because i can i could stay in that i could i could dictate to you the rest of that just that movie but the entire series from that point be like all right first what happens is they all get in line and they start to march up into the minds of moria give it a couple minutes they come across the fork in the road they have a little discussion gandalf says you know i need i need to take a seat here really think about it really mull this over you know frodo comes up and he goes, you know, Gollum's been following us. And he goes, yes.

For three days. And then they know that he's been following for three days. Gandalf doesn't mind. I won't go through the entire series. Frodo wants to kill him, but Gandalf explains that Bilbo could have killed him. But that would have been a big mistake. His story doesn't end here. There's more to his story to come.

You can't just kill him, Frodo. You can't just be killing people willy-nilly. And then he's like, we should go that way. And he remembered, that doesn't smell quite so foul. Yes. Yes. You want to do the whole series

for the rest of the show? Well, then they cut to that bad CGI of Gollum creeping around on the rocks. That's pretty low point of the series. They hadn't figured him out quite yet. I don't recall what the next scene is. They probably go to another character somewhere. Yeah, yeah.

I'm also due for another rewatch of all those. I'm not. I watched all three of the extended version Blu-rays like six months ago. I'm not. I watched all three of the extended version Blu-rays like six months ago. I'm pretty steeped as we are. Maybe next year. I don't know. Christmas, Thanksgiving. Have you guys seen Don't Breathe?

I was going to watch. Is that the one where the light gets flicked on and off and it keeps getting closer? That's a lot of trailers. I don't think so. The premise is this oh the blind man oh yes the guy who knows where you are

even if you don't think he knows where you are the premise is that there are three kind of low grade robbers and they break into houses they steal stuff and they sell it they have kind of like rules for themselves so that if they get caught it's not so bad like don't steal cash because that's larceny and that turns into something

else and don't do this and this is like if they're ever busted they don't get in trouble well they don't get in big trouble and then this blind guy is the big score his daughter was killed me won a settlement so they're gonna go and this is all laid out in the first like ten minutes so they're gonna go in and they're gonna rob this blind guy well it turns out he's an iraq veteran and he's particularly good at like defending himself he's big he's strong he's got a gun uh spoiler he takes that gun from the from the robbers and uh um anyway yeah it it it had me on edge for like an hour it was just the whole time watching not breathing was it was it a um pop out like oh shit didn't expect the blind guy to be standing

right there or was it more like the creepiness of it because i always like the movies that it's more it gives me like a feeling of dread as opposed to the whole you're scared a little cheap and there are some jump scares in there but it's mostly like what the fuck are they gonna do every time they try this it doesn't work out so they have to try that why is it so hard just to leave a house if you wanted to leave my house you would find a door and just walk out of it but this guy's house is all locked up in so many different ways. And it turns out the guy is pretty fucked in ways that you didn't expect. And, yeah, it gets really scary.

And I enjoyed the movie. I give it a three and a half out of five. I'll have to check. I don't like it. I think jump scares in movies actually make it less scary actively because all it does is it informs you every time there's going to be like a three- to four-minute window where nothing scary is going to happen. It's like, oh, an eyeball popped out right there,

and I was really spooked. Okay, well, all the threat of danger has been gone now that I realized it was just a hangar blowing in the wind with some cloth on it. Now they're going to have to do something else for three minutes to lull me down. You know who's good at not doing that? I know Kyle wants to see that. The paranormal.

Paranormal will just like... It draws and draws and draws. For two hours that thing builds. So you're sick to your stomach. That's what you want in a good horror movie. Yeah, I mean, the paranormal activity moves, especially, I don't know, I'm going to call it the first two for sure, maybe the first

three. God damn, they fucked with me. An hour and a half of like, why'd the hose move? The hose moved? Like a chair. Was this chair here? How come you guys keep moving the chairs? I'm not moving the chairs. It's like, and you chairs. And you're like, is this happening? Where are we?

It's good. I like the Paranormals. I want to see the recent ones. I've seen them all up into the one where it's like Paranormal Activity Chicano Adventure or something. It's in LA and they're all Spanish and I watched it but it was like when they

got to the bottom of where the evil was coming from, it was like really? There's an underground passageway in your neighbor's apartment that leads to some scary shit? That seems pretty far-fetched. Usually these apartments have quick turnover, right? We're going gonna notice that underground dungeon you have in your apartment maybe it's but the second isn't there one where it's a little more like you see the monsters and like

there's one now called like demon dimension or something like it's like paranormal activity like something dimension or something but i've seen four of them, maybe five. I think you're ahead of me. The first two or three. So you want to watch this trailer? Not the whole thing, but the first, because I didn't watch the whole thing when I watched this preview the other night on my Roku. I watched the first

call it 20 seconds. And that's enough to get you? It gives you kind of the idea of what the horror we're facing is in this movie. So we're not watching the whole thing? Yeah, start at zero and let's watch maybe 20, 30 seconds of it. All right. Are you guys ready?

Yeah. Ready, set, play. Oh. Oh. Oh. I haven't watched more than where we are now. Every time I turn off the lights. Yeah. more than where we are now yeah so yeah when I come across supernatural things I like to tease them and prod them on I'm still watching it has me hooked yeah you're watching too I'm still I'm still I'm ooh it's spooky lady only comes out in the dark oh shit she got it

on in time each one of us is being haunted so this is a scary movie where you could fix it all with a nightlight ostensibly I got a million candle power flashlight that'll deal with this fucker. Just vaporize it. Long time ago... She knows the origin? Then something really bad happened to her. Oddly enough, it's a scary girl from the past. Everyone is afraid of the dark. And that's what she feeds on.

Show yourself. Oh, it ends strong. Becca, are we gonna die? No. We need to find more light. Aww. Aww. Aww.

Bunch of creepy... Aww! I mean, I'd watch that. aww aww I mean I'd watch that that looks alright I watched that preview the other night and we got about 20 seconds in and my girlfriend was like fuck it no no no and I'm like yeah I agree let's turn that off I was waiting for the longest time

for wait that was the trailer's a little jump scary though it looks like it's all jump scares it's the we were watching the trailer for lights out right not yes okay because don't breathe yeah don't breathe there's a blind guest on the little list of things yeah that looks like a decent enough horror movie what happens to me a lot is i'll be really excited about a movie and it's fresh and it's new. And then when I'm looking for a movie to watch, I can't remember what I was excited about a year ago. I make lists. There's movies that I'm wanting to watch in theaters and there's movies that I'm waiting to come out.

What's that one just came out, a big sci-fi thing, maybe with Amy Adams. Chiss said it was very good. It's like Alien's Come, The Arrival or something. It's something like that. Melissa saw it. She said she didn't think it was very good. It's like Aliens of the Arrival or something. It's something like that. Melissa saw it. She said she didn't think it was that great. Chiz liked it a lot. The aliens arrive in some kind of big crazy ship and just float there and we gotta figure out a way to talk to them.

That's kind of the premise of the movie. I don't know really what goes from there. Looked pretty good. Looked like a high budget sci-fi thing, which I'm always into. I think... Is it Ridley Scott that made the Avatar movie? I think he's planning three more of those motherfuckers. James Cameron.

James Cameron. Three more of those? How many more forests can they save on different planets? Dude, interesting thing about Avatar. Someone else pointed it out to me. Avatar is one of the most seen movies in cinema history. yeah it's like

number two biggest uh moneymaker of all time i think yeah number one a lot of people have seen it a lot a lot of people have seen that movie yet somehow it doesn't occupy any space in our culture you know like luke i am your father is a thing that everybody instantly knows but there are no like fucking dragon wombat references that like go around in no hair connecting story no one's bumping follicles because it didn't make those people's careers big or anything yeah it's kind of an aberration it came it was huge and it was gone like it wasn't like a new story like south park lampooned it pretty good when they were like it's the same thing as Dances with Wolves it's the same thing as the

Smurfs it's the same thing as Pocahontas same thing as Ferngully it's the same we gotta stop these evil businessmen from cutting down our forest it was just the same archetype of all that which is why I don't think it it's weird that that movie had that big, like, a financial

impact. Like, everything but last, like, it just, it was a huge fireworks display that the second it expired, people just went about their day with no impact. I've never gone back and watched it. I've never gone back to re-watch. I've seen it once, you know, the guy,

and it really is that same story retold. Like, I specifically think of Fern Gully, because I watched it a lot as a kid. Basically, Fern Gully is they're coming into the rainforest to deforest it, and instead of a team of loggers, there's this big sentient evil machine that does it all in one. It chops the trees, grinds them up, makes a product, the whole thing. And this guy that works for that logging company gets turned into a fairy, and he lives among the fairies in the

rainforest and learns to be one of them and appreciate the forest and then he helps them fight against the big machine that's coming to chop down the forest. It's fucking Avatar. Like, you know, Avatar. The guy turns into one of those blue people with that pod machine that puts him in the body or whatever. Same shit.

Make it three more of those. He's really into that. Let me tell everyone about Seeso. Same shit. But yeah, make it three more of those. He's really into that. Let me tell everyone about CISO. Please do. CISO is the place for comedy. They won't tell you how amazing they are, but we will. CISO is amazing. It's comedy for comedy nerds by comedy nerds. CISO, spelled

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PKA. I'm impressed by companies that do that. Two months. Just try our product for free you you'll get you'll love it so much you'll be a paying customer i signed up for cso um you know like i'll get on there and i won't necessarily the way i like watch television now is sometimes i've got an idea of what i want to watch and it's just a matter of like all right what's the easiest way to watch this thing and so many times lately it's come down to cso it's like well it's just a matter of like, all right, what's the easiest way to watch this thing? And so many times lately, it's come down to CISO. It's like, well, it's right there for free.

So yeah, it's one of my new favorite apps. It's in there with Netflix and Hulu and all that good stuff. CISO. CISO. So Taylor, the Blues, losing record. Thoughts? No, not anymore. Or no, if you include overtime

losses, I think they're 500 now. If you include overtime losses, are they 500? I thought they'd be 8, 6, and 3. Because they're 8, 6, and 3 right now. So they're 8 and 6, and then they have 3 overtime losses. I was hoping that they might

do what I said and go on like a five game suck streak and then eventually a nice hat Kyle. Kyle holding up a lock her up hat. I just want to see our coach fired so the Blues can sign leave. Because I feel like the whole season is going to be wasted if they don't fire the coach decently early.

Because at this point there's no way that having next year's head coach being the assistant coach this year is not causing problems. There's no way that's not causing problems. It has to be causing inner drama. They traded their team captain and another key player. How are they doing this year?

They didn't trade Bacchus. They just wouldn't sign him to as many years as he wanted. He wanted six years on a contract, and the Blues said no because he's a power forward. Whoever has him signed, Boston, in three years is going to very much regret that because they're paying him $6.5 million a year for six years or whatever it is. He's just too old.

He's a great player, and I like him because he played for St. Louis for so long but he's just he's gonna fall apart so i'm glad we didn't re-sign him um brian ellen uh i think he got injured but he's doing all right um he's doing okay i'd better than i i really don't know i'd have to go check his stats i think he has like three goals so far so he's doing fine um yeah i really hope that they fire ken hitchcock but who knows i thought he was going to get fired last year and the year before and the year before and he never has i guess because him and the gm are buddy buddy but who knows the flyers like ken hitchcock the guy i don't remember everyone calling for his head when he coached in philly he took him to the cup but we lost he did in 2010 against the Hawks.

Yeah, he won in, I think, 99 with the Dallas Stars, but the NHL was just different in that time. It wasn't the same NHL it is now. If you don't know anything about hockey, obviously you do, but the whole pace and style of the game changed a lot after the 2004 lockout. When they came back, suddenly it wasn't this you know play the trap defense like the devils love to do so much it was you know we're gonna have a run and gun style offense and our defensemen even are gonna stop being stay-at-home defensemen they're gonna be more aggressive they're gonna be point producing defensemen instead of just being a

you know stay-at-home kind of traditional for people that might be curious but don't know already it's mainly the clutch and grab rules so it used to be that when the forward was skating in tell them correct me if you have a different opinion jayla when the forward was skating in the defensemen were really allowed to sort of put their hands on them almost grab the jersey and uh it was hard to get around defensemen so big strong defensemen were the key to the whole thing now you can't play like that you know you can check i don You know, you can check. I don't even think you can like interfere with their progress too much. You really got to play the puck as a defenseman.

And that has just enabled everyone to skate a lot more and not get slowed down. So defensemen have to almost be like as nimble as forwards do. And it's changed the game a bunch. And also they allowed the two line pass, right? They may add that in too i don't know if that was after the lock that was after the lockout but they've added the two-line pass since then which has created more of a breakout friendly game as well so those things that change used to be like like a chris pronger like an old school giant strong mean

streak defense we both like him yeah it was the guy that you'd want in today's game chris pronger wouldn't be the man that he that he was back then i think he'd get danced around by some five foot ten forward he's super fast yeah a big thing as well is if you watch old hockey you can see defensemen getting away with hooks like nobody's business like you used to be able to hook people in hockey which is basically just putting your stick around the front of them as they're trying to get around and impede their progress and slow them down now if you do that they will immediately call you for hooking and that'll be two minutes and so it's forcing defensemen to not dog it out there and be like well i'll just kind of be lazy and hook him and you know slow him down enough now it's like well fuck i have to really be putting

my all out there and keep up with them because if I hook everybody's gonna be really mad at me for giving up a penalty so just calling defensive zone penalties on defensemen more slashing hooking all of that has made defensemen have to get way way better because you couldn't just be some big bruiser like Scott Stevens was an excellent defenseman he wouldn't be as good now because for one he wouldn't be having nearly as many targets who are skating through the neutral zone with their head down because players don't do that as often anymore and his big thing we could even watch a compilation of that it's just scott stevens open ice hits where he ruins people's careers and he really did i think he ruined a couple people's careers. Yeah, he showed me. Hitting him so hard.

Well, that's not a career that was ruined, I don't think. But, well, I mean, in the time, yes. I just mean that he was already so, so, so good that there was no way to take that away from him. Like, he'd already established himself as such a good. Maybe not ruined, but ended it. Yes, that's a good way to end his career. But Scott Stevens' biggest hits, look that up. You'll see more of what. – even on the hockey Reddit now,

I'll see stuff like, you know, so-and-so demolished by whoever. And I'll watch the hit, and it's like, Jesus, I'm not even that old, but I still remember watching hockey in 1999 and seeing way bigger hits than that that nowadays you wouldn't even see. There's so much more strict in regarding concussions.cussions i said it like concussion but concussions um yeah i really like where hockey's gone from the late 90s and early 2000s way faster less of a goon sport ryan reeves our enforcer is playing really well i'm happy about that not well good hockey i hear like he's not just beating people up.

He gets – I really – I fucking love Ryan Reeves. He plays hard. Every time he's out there, he skates like – every time he's on the ice, it looks like someone told him, hey, if you don't do really well this shift, you're fired, and you have to go back to a regular job. And he's just like, oh, Jesus, and he's skating his ass off out there. Like, that's what he looks like.

And he barrels into people so hard. That's what Flyers fans like. He's always willing to start a fight and get in a fight. Actually, the big problem is he always skates up to people. He's like, you want to go? And they're like, oh, no. Like, I prefer not. You know, you're the guy who – you box in the offseason, right?

No. The Flyers, like the most popular Flyers, are usually not the most popular because they're just some like dancing elite, like deking goal scorer. The most popular Flyers are often like – they always outwork in the corners. They're always chasing it down. They're always trying to keep – like Luke Richardson, old school guy, super popular. He was not the best player. But every time he he touched the puck the whole arena would be like luke

because uh you know they just loved how hard he worked every single shift you know when i came to carolina i was surprised not to see this like then we had a guy named eric cole who was just i i loved how hard that guy worked and then he broke his spine and kept playing. Like, I really like that. So that was. So that same game he kept playing with a broken spine? No, he came back in the playoffs. Like, he had a broken spine, and the doctors were like, no, you can't play.

He's like, I think I can. I think I can. Well, do your pinky promise? Yeah, Eric Hull was great. He would have made a good flyer. I love hockey injury rebound times, as long as it's not like a horrible, grievous injury where you shatter a bone.

Unless those bones are teeth, at which point they're fine. Yeah, those teeth are fine. But it's every flesh wound and At which point, yeah, unless those. Yeah, that's either fine. But it's every like flesh wound and cut and broken facial bone or all the lost teeth and like cut whatever. Like they just come right back out. They're all bloodied and looking terrible. And I don't know. I like that. I wish they did that in like basketball.

I guess you don't really get too bloody in basketball. But if you did, I want to see LeBron storm back out on the court with his broken nose plastic face guard on, which is hilarious to me because I've never seen an NHL player come out after taking a piece of vulcanized rubber at 92 miles an hour to the center of their nose. I've never seen them come back out with a plastic shield just in case. Like, I've never seen that, which is more of a testament to the stupidity of those hockey players than uh lebron james being a pussy or anything because if you break your nose you should wear that thing they wear cages sometimes sometimes it's pretty rare i don't blame them for wearing cages when that happens because all you're doing is inviting an awry high sticking that would just exacerbate your injury or really cause you to bleed i i loved cages when I played. I loved

them. I learned to play without a cage, right? So that was that. And then I went to a rink that required that everybody wore cages like you couldn't play in that league without a cage. So I wore it and then when I went back to another rink, I took it off.

And suddenly I'm constantly conscious of like just how often I'm being hit, what the problem is, how much I need to protect myself to play. And I'm not an NHL player, so if I'm digging it out in the corner or something, I might find myself on my knees. If I don't have a cage, I've got one hand on the stick and one hand on my chin, trying trying to like take care of any

like hits i might get if i do have a cage all my attention goes towards winning the game all of it and i just realized like i'm a better player if i've got a cage and a cup on that's that's how it goes yes you're always better for the cup you're more confident there's did you ever see uh so like every player in the nhl now who's not a super old schooler wears a visor, like the glass over your eyes. Like Chris Pronger didn't wear anything on his face. It was just the old school like bucket cap and he went around fucking people up. But the new ones, like they all have the visor there. There's one guy in the entire NHL, to my knowledge, that uses a tinted visor.

guy in the entire nhl to my knowledge that uses a tinted visor and everybody i still remember that was the big thing that you would get made fun of brutally playing hockey as a kid is if you had a tinted visor like like sunglasses indoors and he plays for the blues now david perron but it's just so funny to know that guy the only guy in in this conclave of of people the best hockey players in the world there's one of them that likes this tinted mask i always think like that must be kind of nice so like if someone ever talks shit be like yeah oh well when you get in the nhl you can wear whatever visor you want like but to me is he still dealing with the shit though like like you know are his teammates and other players be like tinted visor really you're like the nerd i played you know back in juniors with he does he looks like such a goober

with his tinted visor out there but i can't even imagine how it would be helpful unless maybe he has shit eyes and it's too much glare off the ice i don't know i don't know i think i think we're running hockey talk too long kyle looks like he's about to commit seppuku over there and ruin his fine Trump shirt. Your fine Trump shirt and your eye with her hat. Yeah, yeah. A fan sent me this to my PO box. You know, lock her up. It was Void Spy.

I remembered your gamer tag. Yeah, I remembered your gamer tag, Void Spy, as soon as I read your note and everything. So I added you on Xbox. I don't know if you noticed. Thank you for the hat. It gets a lot of laughs around here. My wife is not a fan.

She's like, I'd award Make America Great Again, but that's just hateful. It's a hateful hat. A little bit. Have you guys seen David Blaine on Jimmy Fallon most recently? No. He does about nine minutes of very impressive card tricks. Being honest, I figured two of them out right away. Jimmy Fallon was in on them. That's the only way

they can happen because he's not a magician. He's not a wizard, a warlock, or anything. But my favorite kind of David Blaine stuff happens in the last two minutes, and I time-stamped this so that we can watch sort of the closing of the show. Just keep in mind, he just blew the roots and Jimmy Fallon the whole audience away with four different card tricks where he's of the closing of the show. Just keep in mind, he just blew the roots and Jimmy Fallon, the whole audience away with like four different card tricks

where he's like, you know, you hold the deck and he makes cards fly around and do crazy shit. But this last two minutes is his closing. I look forward to this. Let's see what we got here. Ready, set, play. Tuesday night, yeah, yeah, we'll see. Well, there is one that I worked on, which is called the Human Aquarium.

It's like one of my favorite things. The concept is... He's got an interesting hat. A hundred years ago, there was a guy that converted his stomach into an aquarium. Yeah, where he could store live creatures. And then he could bring them up at will. I'm with the roots. I never heard that story.

I mean, if it was possible, it would kind of... Keep in mind, he just did nine minutes of magic. He's been out there on the stage this whole time. If it was possible. 82. No! Oh. Oh.

A frog. What? It's a live. It's grosser than a goldfish Hang in there now It's gonna be It's a real frog that is a real It's a real frog.

That is a real frog. Oh, my gosh. I got it. Guys, come over here. No, no, no. I want you to see that it's real. Also, I'm going to put him back where he came from. Thank you, guys. Good to see you.

Nice to see you, buddy. Thank you. David Blaine, everybody! He just ate a frog. You think he actually threw that up backstage or he's just like, ah, fuck it. Well, he had to get it back up, put it back in his jar. No, I mean, maybe he just digested it.

You think he's just like, ah, another one bites the dust. It's like that guy who had the act. He's got the dog, the rat, and the mouse. He had a dog the dog the rat and the the mouse and you or no he's got he had a dog a cat and and a mouse and you know the cat would get on the dog's back and the mouse would get on the cat's back and the guys you know what are their names he's like oh that's pete and that's suzy what about the mouse i don't know i don't name the mat the mice uh they never last very long i think this is a similar situation, but that was cool as fuck.

And that came at the end of, like I said, lots of really impressive card tricks, but nine minutes of card tricks is a bit much. How did he get the fucking frog in his mouth in the first part? That came up from his belly. He had that in his belly the whole time. So there was not an illusion there? No. He does shit that you think... his belly the whole time so there was not an illusion there no no that's he does like shit that you think he all right so the time when he held his breath for 17 minutes he did that shit he does stuff that borders upon he did oh totally did uh you should watch his uh his ted talk when

he explains uh how he did it and the process and the only i can't the only thing i can imagine more boring than watching someone hold their breath is watching them talk about the process of holding their breath. I cried. What did you – what was the thing that you had a problem with most? Well, mostly it was not getting any air whatsoever for 15 minutes at a time. How did you end up dealing with that? Well, I just – I dealt with it. I just didn't actually – no, there's no way he didn't breathe for 17 minutes.

He would die. That's impossible. It's not impossible. He did breathing techniques for months and months. He trained and trained for this thing. And to hear him explain it in his TED talk, I was crying. It made me cry to hear his level of dedication and effort. I feel like if people could just devote a few months to not breathing, then lots of people would have this talent. That sounds easier than playing the piano.

He did lots of things. I'm telling you, watch that TED talk and you'll be blown away because he has this part where he's like, I really did one and then the people said i didn't and it hurt so much because there was a time when he was trying to like that's what a mechanism it was a time when he was investigating putting an actual mechanism inside of his esophagus and down into his breathing into his lungs to like like a same yeah like a thing he's like can we like mechanize this and they were like no you have to do this. Yeah, I don't remember what it was. Some kind of rebreathing apparatus in his throat.

Yeah, but I'm telling you, watch that TED Talk. It's on YouTube. It's 20 minutes long. He held his breath for fucking 17 minutes. That's incredible. He does lots of things that border upon. He mixes card magic and illusion magic with stunts that appear magical. You mix the two together.

He's a great entertainer. I really like David Blaine. I didn't know he was still around. I hadn't heard of him in so... I haven't heard anything about him in years. He still likes to blow black people away. Aziz Ansari has that really funny bit about how... He's like, you know asian guy asian

guys are bad drivers okay that's a stereotype but you show me one black guy that's not blown away by magic and i mean so blown away that he thinks a wizard is here on earth they do it every time it's true it's uh it's it's always funny i like david blaine i like Aziz Azari yeah he's great it's time for him to come out with something so we're going with one button I think I was right all along I like one button no buttons

well two we'll go with two I don't want to unbutton and rebutton episode 309? I think so. Are there any post rolls to do, Kyle? Not according to my notes here. It doesn't appear so.

I don't see anything that says anything about a post roll. All right. Well, then check out all of our sponsors linked below. Use our codes. Get Seeso. Get your diff eyewear. Get all the rest. Dollar Shave Club, uber and casper yep all right check them all out episode 309 uh early for the patreon guys i hope you like the show make a mirror great again