Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #314

Episode Date: December 30, 2016

This week on PKA, Kyle talks about his Yeezy purchase, Woody talks about his new motorcycle and some gun drama in Kyle's life all heading into Christmas weekend.

In PKA episode 314, we are guestless tonight. We have Kyle and Taylor and Woody. I'm not sure why I announced this, really. Anyway, Kyle, opening words? Ah, we have a few sponsors tonight. Smart Mouth, of course, returning. My all-time favorite sponsor, of course. Audible, Lyft, Tracker, and once again, Casper,

which I sleep on every night. So we'll talk about each of those more later on in the show. There are, of course, links in the description down down below check those things out now or at your leisure but yeah let's get at your leisure but uh yeah let's get into it i i got my i got my cool jersey gotta get rid of that right away this this jersey like hoodie thing i got um so i so so i could really rub it in when when the black feet just stomp all over you and just win the division and inevitably the Stanley Cup, as I predicted. Inevitably the Stanley Cup. Yes.

I like the fact that this, like when you told me a couple days ago, I bought something hockey related, and I said, oh, what? And you said, ah, you'll see it. And I was like, okay, I'm not going to ask anything else because it's clearly going to be something funny. And I thought you'd buy something hockey-related. I didn't know that you'd spend probably well over $100

on a spite gift for yourself to basically be like, you know what, really? You know that thing Taylor loves? You know the one part of that thing Taylor loves that Taylor hates? I'm going to buy that. You got that. It was either this or I was gonna get you a phrenology bust, but I thought that this was funnier so I got this instead. A phrenology bust,

yeah where it would show that I'm some mongoloid with a giant head in the back, like that science of phrenology where people in like the 1800s would be like, oh your humors are far too large in the back. No way this woman can do maths. It's this porcelain bust. It's like one half normal human size, and on the head are inscribed all the lines, and then you've got a little thing so you can look and see

where all the... It's the science of phrenology. It's all right there for you. I thought that was a cool gift. The science of phrenology. Science of phrenology. It's disproven, of course. It's about as real as alchemy, you know. But there was a time when it was a respected view. Alchemists wouldn't make gold.

There's no such thing as alchemy. You can't make gold. Is that what alchemy is? Alchemy was just a fevered team of people trying to make gold in the Middle Ages and even longer ago than that. Like a long time. I'm such an idiot. I thought alchemy was just like a

synonym for, like an old timey word for chemistry. You have to meet an alchemist self-described, back away. Because he's about to cast a spell on you. That's a horse tail. That'll turn this bismuth into gold for sure.

Some eye of newt. I want to say that Isaac Newtonaac newton or one of the great minds of history was a big like alchemist believer and struggled with it like like he's like yeah i figured out calculus and i've been working hard on alchemy so you're just like i don't know what to take from that but uh but yeah we'll figure out he invented calculus so in his head he's like i could go invent some other thing too like all these idiots have failed which one of these people invented calculus before none of them the story of isaac newton and calculus is is you would think that that's the most boring topic

of all time but quickly what happened was um he had been embarrassed publicly by this other scientist and uh he is. And Isaac Newton had come up with this piece of work. He published it. This other scientist comes in. And I don't remember in what way, but he discredits Isaac Newton unjustly. And the scientific community kind of goes along with that. So Isaac's mad at the whole global scientific community such that it was at the turn of the century. So in his private study, he creates calculus, which is, of course, required if you're going to figure out rotations of planets around many axes

and do the math that NASA needed to be NASA. And so a scientist comes to Isaac one day, and he's trying to figure out a planetary orbital issue that he has. And he says, Isaac, I don't know how to figure this out how do you even do this kind of math i can't figure out how to calculate this and i just like well over there on the shelf that green one i figured all that out a few years ago go check that out and he's like he pulls the green book out and it's calculus it is it's calculus for the first time ever and so like in his private study guys he didn't create he just kept it in

a book on his shelf yeah he made it and wasn't smart enough to be like I should publish this no it was what had happened to him before he didn't want to go forward with publishing this announcing to the world that I've created calculus because of the way he was disgraced

improperly the first time but was he able to do like a proper victory dance and like rub it in everybody's face I don't know that's the best part of being right about something Was he able to do a proper victory dance and rub it in everybody's face? I don't know. That's the best part of being right about something. Well, we're talking about it right now, so I guess so, right? He just washes them with his open calculus book. Oh, how you like those ellipses, idiot?

Oh, I can't figure it out. Everything probably revolves around me. Oh, I couldn't figure out calculus. I couldn't invent calculus. big bubbles around me oh i couldn't figure out calculus i couldn't invent calculus i hope he was a petty prick about it oh well you guys couldn't figure it out with your little numbers and so i had to go make big boy math and so i'm gonna i'm holding seminars you know like, but he probably, wasn't he like a lifelong virgin, or was that Tesla? I know a couple of them, very odd. That's Elon Musk you're thinking of. Yeah.

A lot of dick, okay, is that where you're headed? That's what I said. Is he gay? I don't know, I was just teasing, I have no idea of any of these men's personal lives, I, you know. I was just teasing. I have no idea of any of these men's personal lives. I just thought that little anecdote about Newton was interesting. It was. But was also an alchemist at the same time. I think he was. He probably wasn't even an alchemist. And I'm just talking out of my ass. I looked up alchemy. And you're right. It's like the precursor to chemistry. They were particularly interested in turning base metals into gold and discovering a universal cure for disease and indefinitely prolonging

life which is also X-Jaws' thing Oh there you go that's what he trying to make gold out of land He's just a modern day alchemist Homeopathy all those pills where you can buy them at some

stores where it's buy them at some stores where it's not at all proven in any way, shape, or form. But it's got six grains of hair hair and a bunch of newt eyes or whatever, and it's going to lower your bad cholesterol, raise the good cholesterol. That word isn't pronounced homopathy? It's homeopathy?

Homeopathy? I think so. I don't think it's homeopathy. Homeopathy? I think so. I don't think it's homeopathy. Homeopathy? I've never had to ask, hey, where's your homeopathic section? Homeopathic section, that's what it would be, right? Well, where's your wizards and warlocks aisle?

I'm not going to need that word ever. I'll just go along the way I am am so the base word is homeo homeopath like the upside down e homeopath so homeopathy i don't know i don't know that's someone who's only attracted to supplements the last one you listen yes. Well, they're only a... Opiosexual. Sorry. Early to throw that bad out. That was bad. All right.

So where do we want to go to first? There's so many places we could. There was all that terror, of course, terror across the world. You had the German attack. You had the ambassador shot. We touched on those things pretty well in PKN, though. Since then, I saw you had the nine-year-old trans girl on the cover of that magazine. That was a bit of a conversation.

Today, you got Trump talking about, tweeting about the United States needs more nukes until, quote, the world stops being crazy about nukes or something like that. He said the U.S. needs more nukes and better nukes. His, you know, his team quickly put the fires out and said, oh, he's talking about modernization of our current infrastructure. Don't be alarmed.

But we know what he's talking about. He's like, we need bigger bombs. Bigger, bigger. He's like, show me the hole that our current bomb makes. I could do that in six weeks with a Kamatsu. Let's get it bigger. I did not see that but is trump just fucking with people on twitter sometimes like it makes me talking about the madman strategy that

that they're discussing a bit that you know and a bit like nixon where he's trying to be so erratic and and indeterminably uh set that his enemies is will be afraid to deal with him. They'll be afraid that, yeah, he could go nuclear. Did you know Reagan did that? Well, the Cold War, yeah. Well, so for people that don't know, Reagan would fly off the cuff like that. The Star Wars thing was meant to be just a head fake. He didn't really think he could do that. When Reagan asked for his disarmament deal,

his critics said that he wasn't serious because his deal was so aggressive. It had so much disarmament that they were like, Reagan's not serious about doing this because he's proposed a plan that's so extreme that people won't do it. And he got what he wanted. It turned out to be a really big win for Reagan. I'm not a Reagan fan, but that's just how it went down. That was with Russia. Because he worked with Gorbachev there on quite a bit.'s right yeah yeah yeah and um uh so yeah i don't know maybe trump is working a madman strategy maybe he's a madman it's it's hard to tell sometimes

i feel like he just doesn't have a filter you know and like the shit that he does like oh yeah so you hired the guy for exxon you put a climate denier in charge of the EPA, you put a guy who retweets fake news in charge of secrecy. Let's be honest, we could take four years of pollution, right? Like, I think that four years of pollution might be better than a trillion-dollar stimulus, right? Like, and what damage could we really do? I heard the pandas are on the rise again. They're no longer endangered. What are we worried about?

Oil kills bacteria. Yeah, let's use pandas as the global barometer. That's what I use. They're no longer endangered. What are we worried about? Oil kills bacteria. Yeah, let's use pandas as the global barometer. That's what I use. That's an old Chinese proverb. If the pandas are fucking, keep on fracking. That's right. That's perfect. If the pandas are fucking, keep on fracking.

If the pandas are fucking, keep on fracking. Pandas are fucking for the first time in a long time. I don't have any evidence. Maybe all this time it was just too cold, right? Maybe all this time pandas were fucking for the first time in a long time. I I don't have any evidence, but maybe all this time It was just too cold Get off of me woman all the male pandas are very sensitive well the other just wait for the climate to change a little bit more Some of those pics are definitely a bit troubling especially the epa one in particular that you know but um when i see the treasury guy that didn't bother me at all like like yeah put

a billionaire banker in charge of the treasury regardless of his morals now he's our immoral fucking billionaire banker right like isn't that the guy you want in there oh you know what i don't like um and i you can't blame trump for this he's not the president yet but china just took our drone like we had an underwater drone right i think of drones as aerial but this one was like a submarine drone yeah imagine a long tube with uh with they look like wings but they're fins because it's in the water yeah and china just caught it and stole it and they're like oh by the way it was international waters was very clearly in international waters uh china south china sea well china makes this claim to that like an unusually large like all of this shit is ours and it's way more than they're actually entitled to

under international law and it was outside of that claim right so this thing was like undeniably in open water and china just fucking scooped it up and and I guarantee this this thing that was studying the Oceans was studying the Chinese fleet. I like that's what it was doing. Yeah, they're being very aggressive in the South China Sea I'm sure you probably know but for the audience to say they've been building artificial islands out there and arming them They have an island that they built in the fucking middle of the ocean that's now a runway. They can launch every single aircraft in their entire arsenal from it. It is an unsinkable aircraft carrier. Though, I gotta imagine

we got a bomb big enough, right? We'll sink an island. That's not my strategy. No, mine is like, oh, okay. No. One of our first priorities make that our island. Right? We would roll in there with tons of aircraft carriers and It's like one of our first priorities, make that our island, right? Because that, right?

We would roll in there with tons of like aircraft carriers and we can, I've read about what would happen if the US went to war. You haven't watched the videos? Yeah, I said. Oh, there's an excellent YouTube video where they go like, really in depth. I think we saw the same one, right?

They explain like how long it would take for a man. Is there a frog puppet at the beginning of the video? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It throws you off a little. It's a very good channel. I've watched, I think, every video he's made. They're very good. And the bottom line is, like, so now that we know we've seen the same

video, don't you think the US comes in there and uses that as our base to launch attacks from? I think we do whatever the fuck we want with that island. We could turn that thing into glass. We could make it ours. We could build another island next to it while we fought them off, probably. Yeah, we should build our own

better island. With hookers and beer. We need to be the Joneses. We're going to build a bigger, better island just close enough that if you're standing on the Chinese island, they can see our island. And we have a false front with a Baskin Robbins and a Red Robin.

We should get our sand from their island. And then they'll be jealous. When I was a kid, they rebuilt Ocean City's beaches, right? So they have this giant barge with a big pump and it sucks up sandy water, pushes the sandy water on the beach and the water drains away and the sand stays. We should totally do that. Just like suck their beach with a giant hose and make an island next to it that's ours like what you know what's it let's like like i know they took it from us but you also have to wonder like if there was a

chinese sea drone slithering around and there was a u.s ship out there just like the chinese one get it get it get that tink drone that's what it would be that's the Chinese barnacle research vessel they're just looking at you know the way mollusks develop in the central seas like no I bet we'd kind of take a peek you know

I don't know I'd scoop it up if I was out there fishing we're idiots though the SSM or YouTube money we'd be posing with it on I'd scoop it up if I was out there fishing. Well, if it was us, yeah. We're idiots, though. YouTube money. We'd be posing with it on the internet. You got your drone?

We'd all be pissing on it and shit. So Trump has been poking at China, right? So now China's poked back. They just scooped the drone out of the water. Well, they gave it back. Did they give it back already? Oh, I'm out of date then. They gave it back or they're giving it back according to the State Department.

I'm not telling them to give it back or address it. I hope there's nothing good about it. I hope it's just like a remote control car with a couple GoPros in it. And that they don't have some great US tech or anything. No, I don't think that that was good. It would have gotten caught if it was that great, right?

If they caught it, then it's alright. Yeah, I don't think that that was like... It would have gotten caught if it was that great, right? Like, if they caught it, then it's alright if they caught it. Yeah, this is a bullshit drone if we caught... This is a decoy drone. It's like a big metal pipe anyway. If they caught a drone that looked like a fucking shark, and it was all mechanized and shit with blinking eyes and flopping

around, and like trying to bite the Chinese with like glowing red eyes, they'd be like, shit, they caught our shark our shark bot oh god they're gonna be swarming florida anytime now they'll make their own shark bots i wish the u.s got caught for more shit because i feel like we're not doing anything right like so the russians fucked with our election right they literally hacked the dnc and the rnc computers according to our intelligence and and they only released the DNC shit, and Hillary lost, right? So that's, I mean, 17 intelligence agencies that agree on this

at this point. And what are we doing to Russia? Either we're really good at whatever we're doing, and there's no trace left behind, or we're not doing anything. In either case, I don't get the sense of satisfaction. I feel like we're just losing shit all the time. So I've been watching the sense of satisfaction. I feel like we're just losing shit all the time.

So I've been watching the news a lot about this and I heard a bunch of like national security experts and global affairs guys talk about this. And what they say is that there's a few things we could do back to Russia. You could do something like release secrets. Putin has all these underlings under him who aren't your classic underlings. These are billionaires in their own right, titans of Russian industry. They hide their money overseas outside of Russia though because Putin is wanting to just grab your money and take it if you rub him a foul. So we could release something like that.

We could say, hey look, here's where all of your ministers keep their money, in England, in France. We could release that publicly. Not only does that drive a wedge within the Russian hierarchy, but it's embarrassing. We could release embarrassing secrets. The problem with attacking their infrastructure publicly, Chiz suggested, turn off all the power in Moscow as the ball is going down in St. Petersburg Square on New Year's Eve. Like, make it the biggest public spectacle of us turning off your power that you can.

But then you make every single Russian mad at you. There's no need to incense the Russian population and turn them against the U.S. in any way, any more than they already are or aren't. I think they should definitely target Vladimir Putin. The problem with attacking his infrastructure, the problem with attacking his infrastructure,

the problem with attacking his military or something like that, turning the navigation off on his fighters or making his missile defense think something crazy is you give away a card that you can never use again. You're burning these with cyber warfare. You're burning a card when you play it. You don't get it back because then they see the technique you you use the vulnerability that you used and they fix it they immediately make a shield for that bullet when we catch a real bad guy like a terrorist and i'm really talking about russia now oftentimes they give you no insight as to how it went down like how did you

know it was in that house how did you know that we don't tell you we just got him that's all you need to know because they don't want like you said you know they we don't tell you we just got him that's all you need to know because they don't want like you said you know they don't want to close the the avenues of information or they want to ruin their secret yeah the whole global landscape is pretty nuts right now you've you've got egypt coming out of nowhere with this resolution to to against the construction that Israel's doing in the disputed areas. That coming out of Cairo out of nowhere. And then it seemed that

the United States was not going to veto this thing. It was going to let it happen, which is unheard of because Obama's not very tight with the Israelis. And then you got Trump tweeting, uh-uh-uh, don't fucking do that. I don't like it. And Egypt says, uh, let's put a hold on these proceedings because it it's ridiculous that this president-elect is it has the un fucking like

rethinking their strategy so on twitter i don't think it is ridiculous of like a rod and then i mean uh it is shit interesting to me gonna the president. I don't know another president that sort of started his term before his term. This is kind of important here. They asked Obama about a substantive issue when he was president-elect and George Bush was still the president. And he said this country has one commander-in-chief at a time, which might be a good mindset. However, Trump is so opposed to it might be a good mindset however trump is so opposed trump is so opposed to it might be trump is so opposed to to obama in in so many ways that you almost if you're a world power you can't take us seriously right now i bet obama was nearly as opposed to w right like you know he

kind of ran on an anti-w platform in the same way that Trump ran in the anti-W platform. Not internationally, though. You know, he was going to continue. He wasn't, it wasn't like as soon as he was elected, he was like, all right, all the troops back right fucking now. He continued all of those policies for a while and slowly drew back. He did slowly draw back, but he ran on, like, one of his big things was I didn't vote for Iraq and she did. You know, that was like a central thing. Like, I had the, I don't think he was a senator at the time, so it was now vote for iraq yeah that was really easy i was not in that job at the time so yeah i haven't made any mistakes i wasn't one of my responsibilities then as a matter of fact i haven't had very many responsibilities ever yeah it's funny i live in this world where obama was a great president

right like obama like unquestionably we we all agree that Obama was great, right? And I'm biased that way. You know, if you told me that Obama, I don't know, had a new plan dealing with Mexico, I'd think, oh, like, I bet it's good. What is it? Tell me more. If you told me Trump had a new plan with dealing with Mexico, I'd be like, oh, shit. Tell me more. Does it involve snipers?

So, you know, but my opinion will change over time we'll see how trump leads so but uh yeah i don't know frozen horse shaped like a burrito it really bothers me that we always seem to be losing our interactions with china and trump is at least willing to fight back so So I'm interested in seeing how this goes. He's talking 10% tariff right off the bat when he's president on all international goods. He's a bad man. That's not a good idea at all. The stock market thinks he's full of shit. Here, let me lay this out there.

There is no way that our market rallied like it did after he won if they thought his plan was actually to tariff all the goods from outside, all the cheap stuff, and to force companies to hire expensive American employees and like insource their jobs again, if that's even a word. There's no way that Wall Street is hitting, the Dow is hitting 20,000

because they thought they were going to make Apple start building shit inside the US instead of taking advantage of their cheap profitable system that they have now. I mean, maybe they think that his tax plan will go into effect and they think more people will start small businesses or something or that business as a whole is going to hit an upswing.

I don't know because you're right. His deregulation of small banks is definitely going to help a lot of small banks. It just is. They're going to make a lot of money. So there's definitely sectors. There are Trump sectors now and Trump stocks that are – I can't remember the term that they used, but basically what they meant was these stocks are rising to the levels

that they expect to be under a Trump presidency. So the point the guy was making as far as investment opportunities was, they're already anticipating where they're going to be, and that's what it is. It's not like we're going to start here, and then when he gets in, go boom, because of the policies, we're already there. And this is an anticipatory rally, is the way they explained it. One thing I'm excited about with Trump, and I mentioned this before, but, you know, like, they can't do it anymore. Senators used to be able to silently hold up bills, right?

The Democrats got rid of it. It was called the nuclear option. But anyway, they used to be able to do, like, a silent, not veto, filibuster that no one knew they did. And no one called him out on it. Like, you know, people would know who it was, but you never saw Obama use the bully pulpit and be like, you know what? Jim Webb over here is the reason that this isn't going through. The whole nation is behind this idea. And, you know, if you wonder why, whatever, you could get 20 years to life for smoking a joint in your own living room. It's this dude. Like, i've never heard a politician do that ever but i think trump

will i think if trump is pissed off he'll hit twitter and be like hey hey hey you know who we're hating today it's timber over here twitter on you that's what he told me whoever it is yeah he god i hope nancy pelosi is who it is i hope the democrats keep keep putting like right like like if it before this election it seemed to me that the democrats were on the verge of taking the fuck over and the republican party might literally die and wither and go away and and it's it i was worried because we don't need to be a one-party system the only thing worse than a two-party system is a one-party system. All right?

And we don't fucking want that. That's what we have here in North Carolina. You guys were in the news today, too. Yeah, we fucked up. Further embarrassments. You guys were worse. Oh, we're terrible. Such idiots.

Oh, man. I watched that shit live. So the only thing worse than a two-party system is a one-party system. And I was like, shit, the Democrats are going to have so much power when Clinton comes in. And somehow Hillary, like, she's like that football player who's almost in the end zone and starts fucking doing a silly dance. And I wish I could right now that tape of her doing the dab on the Ellen is playing in my head like she's doing that when she should when she should be head down ball fucking tucked in wisconsin cheese country fucking milking cows right that's what happened apparently there was a decision they were like huh do we stretch our lead should we go for texas a little bit you know like hey we've got this giant but thin lead right you had a small

majority in a ton of states it's seen seen. Now we don't trust the polls. But, you know, that's what it seemed like at the time. So she's like, well, let's go for these stretch states. Let's spend some time in South Carolina. See if we can't run up the score instead of securing a win. And sure enough, like, Trump won every tie. Why the hell did she go to, like, South Carolina and just, like, she completely ignored. like South Carolina and just complete she completely ignored like she had to be sitting there with Bill Clinton sitting next to her on the couch

watching her her husband and wife watching fucking lose Michigan in Wisconsin him being like I told you you needed to go the rust belt loser I was And she's like, shut up, Bill. It's because I'm a chick. It's because I've got a vagina. Fuck that. I was watching some Pussy Pass Denied videos recently. And, you know, a typical Pussy Pass Denied, if you guys know that subreddit, there's a guy and there's a girl. She comes up to him. And I guess he texted her something really rude. Like he called her a bitch or something like that.

And she drove to his house and she starts screaming at him. And he's like, I don't want to do this. Would you please leave my property? And rather than do that, she starts hitting him. And he doesn't like hit her back or anything. He kind of defends himself. He walks away. She tries to kick him in the balls. And then she tries again, but this time he's prepared and he blocks it. Eventually, I think she might have hit him in the face, got through to it. He tackled her. Not tackled her like a football player, but he kind of...

Are you talking about the guy who hip-threwed her? Yeah, he hip-threw her. Then he landed on her. It was a good hit. Everybody, the whole reaction was like, what are you doing? Oh my god. What did you want? She was on the reason that you only time those did you mostly see those comments in those videos i think because all the people who see that and go like yeah stupid bitch got what was coming you know that's one for all the chicks out there that

overstepped their bounds and didn't get away with it you know there's those things are only thought they're not those people don't yeah they're thought they're like now i'm gonna go on and watch a video about a guy handling snakes and getting bit or whatever the people only people comment if they're really pissed about it you shouldn't do that to a woman women are are just as good as men the same even which is why you need to handle them with kid gloves dude she she got away with like three transgressions that a dude would not have gotten away with before he decided that enough was enough and gave her a good old tackle and then there was another girl who came after him and i'm like give it to her too what is she like you know the second

girl though all the girls were hot by the way but this is where you're gonna lose people if he just like he was jerking off during this i could tell now oh yeah no i wish a motherfucker would no no the uh the the second girl was like scratching at him or something like she came out she was on the attack as well and i'm like you know i got more i can do this all day you know if the second girl was really on the other hand i saw i don't know if you caught you caught the footage of that college football player who knocked out the blonde girl. Yes, oh, it's great. Do you want to find it? I think I bookmarked it.

That is the antithesis of what Woody just described. In that scenario, I'll tell you exactly what fucking happened because nobody even talks about it, but I can read between the lines. And I can watch the video, which the newscasters apparently can't. This blonde, very pretty blonde girl gets in this argument with this college football player outside the bar. She blows smoke in his face, cigarette smoke. And then he comes inside and she's sort of like, it looked like she like, this is like a sort of thing, blew more smoke at him. Like when she comes in and they get into sort of a, uh, like an altercation yelling at each other and she hits him. Let's see. She sort of like moves toward him,

and he sort of like bucks at her like he's going to hit her or something. And she punches him in the face. Now, this is the girliest girl punch of all time. And he is a college fucking athlete. He hits her like a fucking UFC fucking right hook that knocks her unconscious, and then her unconscious head hits a fucking hard wooden

table. Lots of broken bones in her face. And this was two years ago. They only now released the video of this. He got probation. Nothing. And they released the video of him talking to the detectives with his family and stuff. And he's like, she hit me so hard.

Like a dude. It was just she blasted me in the face and i swear to god you watch this video and it's just a love tap that that like this professional athlete it definitely should have just walked the fuck away but he he fucked her up he beat the shit out of her yeah i am i maybe i'm a bad person for thinking this And I just In that situation I like the trip She tries to punch him in the face And then she finds herself on her ass A lot of people would say that's too much

Maybe you need to walk away Maybe you just need to let her beat the fuck out of you I don't know But I don't see why you have to lose Every situation because you're a dude You're allowed to fucking win if she hits you in the face no you're not you're you're not allowed you are wrong you are allowed to win i've just defined the rules and no but the fact that you're having to defend it right now

shows that you're not allowed to win like there's no nowhere in the world will you knock the girl will you get picked on and then finally push back and have a girl fall to the ground and people will come on your side. The reason that doesn't happen at bars and that girls can slap a guy or whatever at a bar is because if you push a girl at a bar, you're about to get your ass beat by six losers who think that she's going to notice their white knightery. You don't do that. And it's not that women are like a cabal of chain-wielding whores or like, hey, you you're gonna be mad you messed with the vulva broads or whatever like no it's guys enforcing this like you know oh i'm a fucking you know i'm the man like you don't touch a girl like that maybe i'd think differently if i hung out in bars full of brain dead guys but like in my world if i see some guy like a girl hits a guy

girl finds herself on her ass like how did I get here? Clap clap that I'm fine with that. I'm completely fine with that. Don't don't like hit people Don't hit people and and think that you'll get a pass Those are not the rules Did you see the link I gave you? Yes, I saw it. I didn't click it though is it something special is it going to do things you've seen it before you have to go to media this thing is fantastic let's watch this as a group all right all right let's see so this is of course the, the San Diego Chargers security guard masturbating furiously in his pants to the San Diego cheerleading squad.

Now, I got to look at these girls. I might pull it out myself. Okay. They were very nice looking. They're like eight feet away and bouncing up and down. But this guy's got to be an exhibitionist. He's got to be getting off on the fact that people are clearly seeing this. I'm going to hit play.

Ready? Ready, I, you're going to hit play. Ready? Ready, set, play. See, I have a whole bunch of thoughts on this. At first, I thought it was going to be fake. I thought it was going to be like, oh, yeah, I do see how it kind of looks like he's masturbating. No, he is clearly masturbating. He's milking it. His dick is in that hand.

Anyone who has a dick knows what's happening here. You can see his knuckles wrapped around his dick, rubbing through his thin little pants. Can you? You can see his dick? He's going to blow a load in there And just go with it He's going to have cum on his leg

And thigh and just be like yeah I don't know What his scoop is He did it He really did it I can't get past that i really really really thought that it was going to be one of those like you had lol like it does kind of look like oh if you shake it more than twice you're jerking it at the urinal or like like one of those dumb things

he is he is pleasuring himself furiously right in the end zone virtually he's like he's like eight feet away from the end zone. It's right behind him. There are millions of eyes on him right now, at least two million, right? Although right now, there are tens of millions on him specifically. That guy just lost a real cool job. Oh, yeah.

Just fucking... What was he thinking? What is he thinking right now? Let's talk about that. What is he going through right now in his living room? Is living room is he worried about when you were like five years old and you'd play hide and go seek with your parents and you'd sit in the corner and you'd cover your eyes because you thought because your ability to perceive yourself was contingent on your own eyes seeing yourself and so and because you don't have self-awareness this guy's masturbating like a

three-year-old would he can't see his dick being jacked off and so he thinks everybody else is just so distracted by the football which doesn't have frequent breaks where people wander you know it oh it's unreal and if you look at the video he's like 10 feet from chicks who are having to dance and they're chicks and so they're clearly they're gonna notice a guy masturbating nearby they got a lot of of lines. Maybe that's true, but good God, this guy deserves to get fired, but I kind of feel bad that he's getting roasted.

Can I just say, though, if I was working, let's flip the script here. I'm a construction worker, right? I'm over here with my hammer wrench doing whatever, and I look over there, and there's a female security guard just staring at me doing whatever and and I look over there and there's a female security guard just just like staring at me as I like do this job I'm just like yeah that's right

I think these cheerleaders have a similar thing they're like we're really putting that show on a show today Becky look at him he's here I bet he's got blisters on the back of his hand yeah i like yeah you liking that kid you know here's what we haven't talked about yet is he in criminal problem like does he have because you can i've seen not seen but i've heard of issues where in public urination people have registered for as a sexual offender now right because he's good you can take it out well but he's masturbating i mean you you can get yeah that's a sexy thing peeping tom prove it he had an itch that's true a continuous itch

first of all your honor let me just say that my penis is incredibly hairy now second of all the night before i slept with an unclean woman who gave me crabs you see your honor the entire length of my penis was covered with these itchy crabs, but I was so committed to my job of keeping the San Diego Chargers safe. I came in, and sure, I itched a little. I scratched a bit more, but I kept my eyes, if you've watched that video, on the crab. The Chargers almost got shot with a load of jizz. on the crowd. The Chargers almost got shot with a load of jizz.

The extent of my fire ant fetish is none of your concern. Rubbing him on my cock. He better make a good excuse right now. His phone, he looks at his phone, 117 new messages, 840 new calls. He's like, shit, I better start thinking about this. I got to out what I'm gonna tell him. Yeah, yeah, there's no explanation. I can't think of a good explanation, because clearly, itching is not gonna make you sick. That's the only one that works. Have you ever touched your dick with your hand wrapped around it? What?

Like, if your hand's wrapped around your dick, you're not itching. You know, if you're itching, you're doing, like, a twist on your neck, getting that good twist and pull a little bit. Well, I would hope that in court they wouldn't like bring in like a video specialist with a laser pointer to be like, you see, you can tell by the angular position of his wrist and the bulge of the thoracic muscle. But you can. I'll ask you to freeze on 34.5 seconds. Here you can see the glands of the penis below the final knuckle here located on this graph.

I printed it all out, handing it out to the jury now. And here is an artist's rendition of what could be beneath the pants. I get that he did some inappropriate public behavior. I hope, though, that he's not registering as a sexual offender for the rest of his life. I feel like he's harmless. Have you ever masturbated in a public place?

In a public place? Yeah, yeah. Have you ever masturbated in a semi-public place? Like in a car? Like in a parking lot? Something like that? What should be first? If I find somebody in the middle of the night drunk peeing on a tree in the park or if I find somebody drunk at night masturbating at a tree in the park?

There's one that I'm pretty okay with and there's one that's going to make me very uncomfortable. I want to know what park you're going to. Well, this is a fictitious park. I'm just saying, you know, maybe a Tuesday and a Wednesday, the guy, you know, one day's pee day, one day's jack off day in the same tree, and you just happen to see it. One, you'd say, that's a guy peeing. I've peed on trees. Yeah. That's okay.

That shouldn't be a sex crime. If I see a guy jerking off and there's no stimuli that's appropriate, then I've got a real issue with that. I didn't go looking for him. If I just stumble upon him like this guy or you're at Subway just watching the chick

make cold cuts wanking in the fucking booth, that's just inappropriate. But yeah, if you go to the park and somebody's peeing yeah that's no big deal i don't i got no problem with public urination i think it should be well i guess you can't make it legal because then you have the hobos just peeing everywhere huh i don't know what to do it's something that should be like a shake of the head and a frown but that's about it like hey come on if i were president i would institute a new law it would

be it would be called the when you gotta to go, you got to go law. You got to go. You got to go. Don't ask. Don't smell. I can't define why I want this guy to get off, right? If I saw some guy jerking off like in the privacy of his car, I wouldn't care. If I saw some guy jerking off the children at the school, I would.

If I saw some guy jerking off at a restaurant where they were were a mixed company and stuff, then I don't really like that. That seems too far. But if you stumble upon him in a place where he might have thought he could get away with it, I almost want to give him a pass. Let that go. This guy, real public, I get that. But somehow I don't want him the rest of his life ruined you know why i have a similar thought to this it's because like there's two things there's there's only like i guess there's three scenarios one is he's completely deranged right and this is

like habitual like uncontrollable masturbation that's that's one thing that's very unlikely the other one is the other thing is maybe this guy is an exhibitionist, and this is the ultimate fucking jerk-off session for him. Get a load of this, world! He looked at the ratings on the last Chargers home game. He's like, oh, 1.8 million. He's just digging it. And then the other is that, I don't know,

he's just really, really horny that day he's just he just really needed to to release some pressure so that he could he could he could jar he could guard the san diego chargers i think you're correct in your first one about the exhibitionism thing that might be true because you can picture this guy laying asleep at night the night before this and just like unable to sleep because he's so excited like tomorrow's the day that you masturbate at the Orange Bowl. Like millions of people will have the opportunity to see you. Most of them won't even know you're

masturbating unless you get caught on Twitter and millions find out. I think the cheerleaders are part of it too because he's right there next to it. I don't know if you saw those cheerleaders. They're really smoking hot and they're jumping up and down. Titties are going everywhere and they're like 8, 10 feet away. I think he just got too horny.

I think the launch sequence was triggered, and there was no stop on it. And that's just – he's like, I don't know. I know I shouldn't be doing this, but oh my god, I can't not do this. That to me is the headspace that he's in. I wish the video kept going until he finished. And then you got to see the look of shame come on his face. kept going until he finished. And then you got to see the look of shame come on his face.

And then from the dark spot as that fucking clam crawled down his leg. Yeah, all cold and sticky. That oyster, whatever you call it. Yeah, I don't like that. Yeah, well, I mean, if he were wearing some Carhartts, he'd be able to beat off

in there and no one would be the wiser. But, I mean, they're going to notice in these Adidas track pants that people are going to be hearing that except it'll be a little sloshier. I bet it rubbed his knuckles raw on the back from just going back and forth on that material like that for God

knows how long. I bet he pulls out and he's just like, ah, I need some Neosporin on there. Or maybe he's got like this is only the first quarter i thought i figured i could get in a quick three i hope i can save some of this for the fourth quarter give it up girls yeah what what what a fucked up guy this is and he's got to be so embarrassed right now this has got to be so embarrassing there's so he's just the he's the butt of every joke he's the punchline of everyone who like watches internet videos right now yeah i mean the good thing about the internet is it'll be they'll find the new person to hate

pretty not hate but the new person to mock pretty soon sure yeah there's always something you want on your like yeah that's that Yeah, that's a damn shame. He should have thought that through. I've got some updates. So he was fired. He masturbated more than once. I guess... You can call it that? Masturbating more than once without finishing?

He masturbated more than once? Yeah, he did it, I guess, early in the game and then again after halftime or during halftime. Does she sound like Velcro when he takes that first step back towards the locker room? The woman who videotaped it didn't notice until other people started yelling at him to get his hands out. Like, get your hands out of your pockets. So that made her catch notice. Now, I don't know if he could hear him yelling at him or what, but that happened.

Don't you wish they got him on the Jumbotron? The police are investigating it, but it doesn't look that bad. The man could face charges of committing a lewd act in public, a misdemeanor punishable by up to six months in jail and a $1,000 fine. So one would guess... What there is to be investigated by the police. Probation, and the police are still looking at it. I think there's plenty of evidence. It's all over Twitter.

So he masturbated multiple times, but you think that just means he kind of got himself up to speed a couple times. He was edging it. He was edging it the whole game. He was waiting on the charge to score a fucking touchdown. He was going to blow his load right there it the whole game. He was waiting on the Chargers to score a fucking touchdown. He was going to blow his load right there in the end zone. He was timing it. He was going to blow it right in the darkest part of the tunnel when running off the field so no one would know.

And he'd get off on walking out the other side of the tunnel and be like, nobody knows. It just came on the floor. That's probably what he was thinking. Maybe he comes on his hand and high-fives every player as they go past. Maybe that's his game. He's been doing it fucking past. Oh, man. No, that should be good. Maybe that's his game. He's been doing it fucking fun.

Always good luck for us, you know? Sticky Steve! Oh, yeah! He got fired. I don't know if I said that. Yeah, imagine he high-fives everyone, then the receivers don't drop the ball for the rest of the night. They're just one-handed grabs.

They're like, ah, pull that shit in. What is your pregame ritual? You caught more passes last week than any wide receiver in NFL history. Well, I just go to my player Sticky Steve here. I want to do our pregame patty cake ritual. It's not pine tar. It smells like bleach, though.

It's legal. It's pungent. It's not sugar. he's sticky though yeah i hope he doesn't get in too much trouble i don't know why i've got such a soft spot for him if he pulled it out i'd would be a little bit harder. Yeah, right? If he actually just like blew angry ropes right there on the side of the field, I'd be a little more concerned. You know, sometimes the launch sequence gets initiated. That's never happened to me. Look, I definitely have never been so fucking horny that it's like,

all right, right here, right now, it's got to happen. There's always been a way to like, all right, you've got to focus on some other stuff right now. You know what I mean? Like you're just not always in a place to fucking jerk off so that guy should have taken note of that i think you got to look into his history for sure we need to see if this is a serial offender here put him under a microscope a bit but i don't want him on probation i don't want to ruin his life now i just want to know do it again in a year

and your life is ruined. Yeah, I think the reason we're feeling sorry for him and kind of want to give him this second chance is because this has been such a public humiliation already. He seems punished enough, right? Yes. Yeah, there's no one who ever met him who doesn't know about this. They probably already do. They're like, oh, yeah, look at him go. If that guy was two years younger than me in my high school,

I would be like, oh, I know that guy. That's the guy. He's looking at himself in his bathroom mirror just willing a beard to grow. Just as fast as possible. I already shaved my head. Got glasses. I use a cane now. I think I got him off the trail he's trying to put

on 50 pounds as fast as possible just milkshakes all day oh speaking of losing weight so oprah um bought weight bought a substantial uh portion of weight watchers and oprah's fucking smart oprah will not lose weight to save her own fucking congested heart but she will to make a little bit more money that billionaireess. She bought her chunk of Weight Watchers and then immediately goes on the fucking Weight Watchers plan, loses 40 pounds, and is about to go on a whole ad campaign for them. So their stock is doing really well today. It seems like her chance to be the motivating factor for losing weight should be up by now. Right.

Since it's like she's she's gone up and down that roller coaster so many times at this point it almost seems like a career move we're like oh the coffers are getting a little light it's time to peck on the pounds oprah and then you know she endeavors into the or maybe actually that probably helps now that i'm thinking about it because most people who are heavy and lose weight bounce back up. And so they might see themselves in Oprah and be like, oh, she's losing weight again. It's not too late for me. You know, like that kind of attitude. I bet that's what it is.

I thought that was cool, though. And I thought it was cool that she's not only losing the weight, but she found a way to make herself tens of tens of millions of dollars easily. Maybe, maybe, maybe more. She's a great businesswoman. of tens of millions of dollars easily. Maybe more. She's a great businesswoman. On the other hand, if Bill Gates woke up with Oprah money tomorrow, he'd jump out a window.

Yeah. Yeah, he would. He would land in his big pile of money he keeps in his backyard though, so it would be okay. I forgot about the reserves. So, Woody, do you know what Yeezys are? Yeezys.

Is this clothing by Kanye? Are they shoes by Kanye? These are shoes by Kanye, okay? There's this particular shoe. It's called the Yeezy Boost 350. It's like $2,000. I don't know what the MSRP is, but because of the supply and demand and everything,

like two grand. I ordered my pair a couple days ago. Wait, hold. You bought them? Yes, but wait. Chiz also got, I think Chiz might have gotten two pair. So we found the bootleg Yeezys for $20.

Jim Norton was on his radio show, and he's about to film a big comedy special. So he's like, yeah, I just bought four pairs of these Yeezys. I don't know why everybody's paying two grand a pop. I have $20 a piece. Look at these. And he pulls them out, and they look pretty close you know they're not they're not up to uh they're not exactly like those but but yeah i totally ordered myself a chinese pair of yeezys for like 20 shipped from china including shipping can't get a better deal than that how so you haven't gotten them yet though no any day now

i expect them um any day now uh but it's Chinese shipping so there's like a two-week window. Hmm. Yeah. I'm sure that poor little Bangladeshi child is getting an extra whipping to get that order done in time for the holidays. I hope so. These Americans need their shoes! It's not like they celebrate Christmas. Let's get it going. They might. They're not allowed allowed they probably are forbidden they're both in from celebrating christmas those people have fucking suicide nets outside their factories so you can't jump off how crazy is that like oh we're getting too much bad pr from the suicides so we're gonna put nets around the windows so that when you fools jump it won't now we're getting bad pr for our suicide nets i thought being cool people had to add a pool down there.

You don't see those dumbass American companies with suicide nets. We're really the people who are kind. We wrote those off as a humanitarian donation. Putting those nets up. That's pretty fucked up. It's good we don't have anybody, to my knowledge, who's jumping out of buildings because they hate their job so much here. That doesn't really happen.

No. You always hear about the Wall Street guys or you see that sort of cliche in film and media of the Wall Street guy who sees everything going out of the tank and then opens the window and just steps out of the high-rise building. Japan.

Japan's a whole other story story those guys have all kinds of problems they're fucked up yeah yeah i wonder japan like i'd like to go someday i know you've been there woody like everything you see online makes you think it would just be like constantly bananas stuff going around maybe just tokyo is what you see like everything's crazy and it's like oh i'm gonna go buy used panties and a fucking vending machine for the fuck of it because it's just weird in tokyo like is it like that or is it way more just normal city with a bunch of asians the the takeaway i had is somehow everyone seemed like sort of rich in personality while also being very orderly like if that could like that that was sort of my general impression like oh look

they they don't fuck up the landscape when someone does something like if there's landscaping and mulch and flowers and whatever no one's walking on it i think that's kind of nice at the the subways like you know it's people walk down this way and up that way on the so if there's an escalator going down slow traffic on the right fast traffic on the left, and everybody obeys that rule. They've got that system down. Because our airport, nobody can fucking figure it out. No. I hate to see people fucking text on the rolling fucking thing.

With their legs at like two-thirds of the way through, so they're just blocking the whole thing. They're so fat, they take up the whole walkway. You can't squeeze around them. They're so fucking wider than the fucking walkway. If you want to stand on the walkway, even text, I don't care. You got to stay to the right half. I think that's cool. In Japan. You can smell burning rubber from the mechanism because you're standing behind.

You can hear the screeching. So I took a lot of pictures in Japan. I guess I were kind of role reversed there. But I must have taken like 2,000 pictures or something like that. And there were a lot of people like posing, getting in my pictures, like doing silly things, picking their nose. And I don't know. I thought it was funny. I was like, look at this.

These guys are like mugging it up for me. They were really nice whenever we needed directions or like help operating the ticket machines. Because we took a subway pretty much everywhere, a train and uh there are people there to like help you do it and um i don't know everyone was this it was a really it's it felt like a safe orderly country yet somehow they weren't robots we were talking about japan the other day as a as a cool destination or maybe i was more than anyone it's it i just that seems like a place where like nobody's gonna carry you off and cut your fingers off for ransom or anything and and there's no diseases to worry about it but there's also like all kinds of cultural stuff and

all sort of historical stuff with the world war tooth sort of thing and uh and it's a beautiful fucking place too uh i i you know you can walk to the to the top of mount fuji i thought that would be fucking cool but um i like going places that are different and japan qualifies but like australia you know i'm sure australia is a beautiful place with neat things and good times to be had but it strikes me as like america south you know like it's roughly a very similar culture to our own i'd say that that about Canada. That's just America North. UK. It's America East.

It's just... These are all places... Everything is just a subset of America. In Woody's mind. If I go to India, if I go to Dominican Republic, if I go to Brazil, if I go to Chile, these are not just versions of America. You know what it is? The United States is winning the culture victory so fucking hard right now that you gotta get pretty

fucking far away from us before it doesn't seem like home you gotta you gotta you gotta stretch your legs a little bit i watched this uh clip about how our culture war is winning it was this clip maybe you linked i don't think you linked it to me, Kyle. It was this tribe in Africa. It wasn't the pygmy thing you linked me. That was interesting. It was this tribe. Like, the special was, like, the British Broadcasting Channel. Like, the most secluded peoples on Earth. And they went and talked to these people.

And all the elders of the tribe knew nothing at all about the outside world. And the guy was asking questions. And he said, like, to all the males in the tribe including the younger ones do you know who michael jackson is and all of the young kids in the tribe knew exactly who michael jackson was and we're like humming some of his songs it's like this person hasn't ever had running water and hunts to survive every day and they know thriller like that's unreal it's crazy how shit like that travels that's so interesting like where did they see it some other white person showed up with an iphone they said they would go into town they would go into town i think they were in south america they

would go into town and they would see it there on on like so on like a communal tv that like you could gather around when i was a kid af Africa was the place with the untouched indigenous people. Like that's what we thought of. Now it seems like Africa doesn't, that Africa doesn't exist anymore, right? All of Africa has somehow been, I don't know, exposed to the West. Now Brazil and South America somewhere is the place, is like the last remaining refuge of... And some islands, of course. There's that one indigenous people on that island where like every time you try to go, they just kill you. You know, they don't want any white people

there. Yeah, there's a whole YouTube video about it. It takes you long. But all I know about... Dude, the British should go there. Like that's kind of their thing. It always has been. Just like going random places and turning it into British. We should show up with like a little group of guys and then saving private ryan quickly conquer it and then give it back and be

like we just wanted to let you know anytime we want anytime we've left this dvd with you and the tv and this battery you get two viewings don't waste it and then this is what happens i think you just give them a copy of predator and tell them that and the TV, and this battery. You get two viewings. Don't waste it. This is what happens when you put it up. I think you just give them a copy of Predator and tell them that Schwarzenegger is the president of the United States, and you leave. And from then on out, we're good. There's been reports of this creature having moved into your forest.

Have you seen it? Sometimes you don't see it until it's too late. Oh, Jesus, no. We can protect you from that. We just need all those green stones that are in your rivers. Just bring all those in. Clear ones in the caves, bring those too. Because we use those to fight the bad men.

Those weird yellow rocks that you poop on, we need those. I love the idea of bilking those indigenous peoples out of their natural resources. They're not doing anything with them. They're not doing anything with them. Why do they need all that gold and all those diamonds for? We should go in there and scoop that up and then make their lives better, right? We could turn it into a win-win. That would be a better scenario, right?

Like, hey, you know what? We'll split the profits. You give us the rocks. We'll get it. Oh, what are they going to do with $8 billion worth of diamond money? They live in huts. Well, what they're going to do

is immediately spend it on American goods because it's the only currency they're aware of. So you go, here's a billion dollars. What do you want? All those houses and water that you have is great. Oh, we got a lot of American contractors going to hook you right up. You know, you want a hot tub?

Have two. More seriously, though, I feel bad for those people because they talk about, you know, their culture and fearing that they'll lose their culture and what makes them them to the outside world

and all the illegal logging that happens down there and over logging is, you know, ruining their lives and they can't do the things they used to be able to do. It was interesting when they showed them the video of the moon landing, and the elder was like, this is very bad.

God put the moon far away so we could not touch it. We think you may have messed something up when you went there because the cool breeze doesn't come like it used to, and the summers are much hotter now. You may have messed something up very bad when you did this. it was like it's fine you know yeah yeah that's the way you explain that yeah i mean it is sad because it's kind of like watching like the extinction of a part of humanity that can't ever really be recovered like there's people who can practice it like the prehistoric youtube channel where that guy just makes shit that's super neat where you can relearn those trades but there's nobody who actually uses that to survive survive

anymore after these people are gone about africa like like africa's just lost that like the the idea that there's a place in africa that's untouched indigenous etc i think i think i think i'm sure there is yeah i think it's like what is what is it, the Virunga jungle in Congo or in places like that. Up in the mountains where they poach the gorillas and such. That's where, remember back that movie, what is it, Congo? Is that the movie? Yeah, where they go in looking for the city of Zinj, the lost diamond mines and all that stuff. I could be wrong.

diamond mines and all that stuff. So yeah, there's... I could be wrong. Every time I feel like we go to these untouched places in Africa, they're wearing those reject shirts like Buffalo Bill Super Bowl champions, right? When they don't win. Hillary!

Hillary! Yeah, right? Buffalo Bill four years in a row. Yeah, Hillary 2016 t-shirts. Like, you know, our next president, congratulations, Hillary shirts. That's where they go is it the uh who's the guy the democratic guy maybe he's the governor of new york cuomo cuomo bought 200 fucking rooms uh for the inauguration months and months ago at like a steal of a price and he had to he had to contact the fucking republicans to just to buy them off of

him is that bad is he making money myself in this this is embarrassing it's a ton of money he bought 200 rooms for all of his like yeah friends family everyone i feel like all right it sucks because he thought that was going to be his friends and family but now he's like all right republicans pay up you know you might have won but i had the foresight to get all the hotel rooms. So make me richer. He's already super rich, Cuomo, by the way. Yeah, he's all good. I think he has aspirations of a presidential race.

I don't think they'll put another billionaire in after this one. I just don't think they will. Not because this might go bad, but because it'll just be the same flavor again. They won't want chocolate twice in a row. No, no, they have to hit it. So it'll still be a woman next time. Not Hillary, though, I think. You know what's really interesting about Trump winning the presidency? I

think that his election is more historical than Obama's, and in a way, we're overshadowed. The first openly asshole president? Just like, not even hide it? Just like, you know, hey, fuck all you guys. Go ahead.

Well, I'm sorry. Just an outsider, you know? A populist. A corporation-owning, non-general, non-politician. Not a good government guy. A former reality show host. You could classify him that way.

Everything that is him, it's the first time that one of those things has become the president so i think it's more historical than the than obama getting in there because he's only half black it's not a full win for them they got to get another half black guy in before there's been a black president hey you know you want to be funny is I like that. Obama is a younger guy, and so he's going to be around for a long time as the last president. So when they finally do nominate a Wesley Snipes 100% black guy,

he's going to be like, well, I think we've already stormed this beach, and that he wouldn't really be the first black president. I think that I already have that honor, and thank you, Wesley, for continuing this. But it's always going to be me with that in my Wikipedia. You know, or whatever he would say. God damn it.

I'm kidding you. You think he's blacker than me? Yeah. Guy's American. Oh, you're so funny. My daddy had a spear. My dad, that's true. And he shows the picture of it, you know.

It was just in the picture of it you know just in the blade movies you know not a lot of black guys in vampire films let me tell you now it's cuz the sickle cell is it oh no i was thinking about that with uh sickle cell vampires you know that that does seem like a silly little stupid thing they would put in a dumb horror movie like why hasn't it taken a bite out of tyrone well he has sickle cell yeah he saw his friend you know count orlock try that once and very quickly that was a legit thing we learned that like that sickle cell black people have sickle cell they do that's true and it's adaptive it's in in africa it has something to do with ebola i think it's ebola that because their red blood cells are sickle shaped instead of round they, they are not susceptible to Ebola in the same way.

I'm sure someone will comment with the correct disease, but it's an adaptive thing in Africa. It makes sense in a lot of areas. So that's why that's true. Yeah, I just know that it's a black... You see it more in black people, much, much more. It's a black people problem whenever it's brought up. There's never a white guy on TV,

let me talk to you today about sickle cell anemia. It always like morgan freeman and lawrence fishburne are on they're like gonna give us that talk about sickle cell anemia so yeah i thought that was interesting we learned about it just how like even people can have like adaptive traits and it develops because like obviously that's like it wouldn't have developed and been passed along unless it was beneficial. Things like lactose intolerance. All those things. Your fear of heights.

Your fear of snakes. It's not just that you know a snake is bad for you. There's a genetic fucking switch that flips that makes you terrified of that snake. Because your ancestors that lived in fucking trees, the only ones that survived the fucking snakes that were alive back then were the ones that were so goddamn scared that when they saw one they got the fuck up out of there there were some curious cats in our genetic history they didn't fucking make it they were the ones who wanted to touch the the bright red animals the animals that like like like did that

colorful frog like the cobra's like and heop, whoop, whoop, whoop. The cobra's like, and he's like, ooh, interesting. Those people died the fuck out. It was the guys who were terrified of snakes, terrified of spiders, and willing to rape and pillage who carried on their genetic formula onto us. Bobo the Brave isn't remembered because he was the first one to run up to a cobra and smack it and then mysteriously die a little later after he was bit and all the other monkeys had to figure it out. He tried to fuck it.

As he did. After every of Bobo's kills, he would fuck the animal. He killed the cobra instantly with that sling. But when he stuck his dick in the mouth, we all learned something about cobras that we'd never seen before. And that's don't stick your dick in their mouth.

Do not. They will die a very painful death right after, as Bobo the Screamer, as he became known, found out. Bobo the Loud, you know? Because they don't have very good descriptives yet. They're very primitive. But, like, yeah. I kind of like Yeezys. I just saw the link.

I'm seeing Kyle's links way late my apologies like I watched that football player hit a girl like 20 minutes after the topic ended yeah and now here come the shoe I like the shoes I don't know that I like them $2,000 worth but no do you like them $20 worth delivered because I know a guy who knows a guy oh these don't even come in my size really on eat no they do on eBay on eBay they go to 15 cuz Chiz guy was able Who knows a guy? Ooh. These don't even come in my size. Really? No, they do on eBay.

On eBay, they go to 15 because Chiz Guy was able to get some. All right, let me tell everyone a little bit about... Aw, that's lame. Let me tell everyone a bit about SmartMouth. This episode of Painful Already is being brought to you by SmartMouth because bad breath is an embarrassing problem faced by the majority of people on a daily basis. It's caused by naturally occurring oral bacteria consuming protein particles and releasing foul-smelling volatile sulfur compounds,

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talk about how wonderful this stuff is. They mentioned that it's science and it just popped. I like the idea that there's like a half a dozen men in lab coats trying to figure out how to get me laid. Like, alright. This was the show's topper last time we've got to solve this can we give him a binary compound full of mouthwashes

i imagine like like one of the scientists just couldn't get laid he just had the stinkiest breath of all time he's like i gotta go to the laboratory to solve this like if i'm ever gonna get any and he's just in there with beakers and test tubes till he saw his like poop breath problem but um i i get bad breaths um every morning when i wake up i mean it is putrid like like i don't want anyone near me but before i get in there and brush my teeth and hit it with a smart uh the smart mouth and uh if i ever if i eat anything with onions then there's this like onion after glow that's internal. And it has, it almost, I guess it's what they're describing, where it continues to come back,

even if you like knock it out with some sort of like minty thing, because it's just continuing to produce that gas, I guess. But SmartMouth gets rid of that onion gross taste and feel in the back of your tongue. It's great stuff. It's something like you'll be surprised when you use it, because you're not used to products like this actually doing everything it says it's going to do. And it doesn't burn.

It doesn't burn and there's not a gross taste or anything like that. And that means that you can actually put it in your mouth and swish it around and rinse it for a full minute or something. I think you're supposed to do Listerine for 60 seconds. My tongue is numb after that from that putrid stuff.

But with this stuff, I'm able to swish it around in there and gargle and get all the nooks and crannies and crevices of my dirty mouth. And alcohol is the worst possible thing to be rinsing your mouth with. And this is alcohol free. It leads to all sorts of gum diseases. So check this out. Go to their website. They've got all the actual science and clinical explanations there.

I know you'll like it, and it will get you laid more. I promise you. You're walking around with breath that you think is okay, but that's because you're nose-blind to it. Lick a spoon or your hand, let it dry, and then smell it.

And when you go, oh, no, that's not me. That's you. When that cute girl walked up to ask if she could borrow a pencil for the quiz or whatever, when you talk to her right then, that's what she smelled.

Why do I feel like we're reliving Taylor's childhood? We're reliving lots of things, Woody. We need more scientists on the task of getting us laid. Like I need a smart hair gel. I need like some sort of smart clothing picker in my closet. I need a...

All of that is on the way. Right, right. They solved the breath thing, right? Check. Let's take the profits from that and reinvest it into some sort of deodorant or hair gel or whatever. We've got to get this guy laid. This is only

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and use code pka. Check them out. Check them out. Richard Ryan bought one, too. Yeah. Yeah, they're nice mattresses. I got a link from Richard Ryan's account today. I was just about to tell you that. I clicked it! Am I in trouble now? I don't know. I didn't click it.

I didn't click it, but I got a message from- because it was clearly a spam thing because every once in a while someone on your Skype chats it'll pop up and say, you gotta see this hot chick, or like you gotta see this! And it's some dubious looking link. It's like, hey girls check out this. And like 20 minutes later

Richard is such a nice guy that he actually wrote and said don't click the link! I'm so sorry I changed something and said don't click the link I'm so sorry I changed something and I don't know why it said this oh I blocked him that's why I didn't get it because here's what I'll tell you what the link is I click that fucking link and it immediately goes to a porn site

and it's like which do you like girl on the left or girl on the right and both of them are like gifs of girls sucking cock in like different ways or something like that maybe one's getting fucked in the butt the other one's like getting like gagging on dick and i was gonna be like no and like killed the link and i was like ah now i gotta like which one did you like inquiring minds want to know well i mean but you must have made some sort of analysis on the situation i immediately realized i'd made a folly and closed it

and made plans to reset my laptop to factory settings because I'm almost positive that's malware now that I have. So that's what's coming next. It's definitely malware. I mean, like, they didn't just send you that to get your honest opinion. Well, maybe it's malware one more click in, you know? Maybe if I chose girl one or two, then I start downloading something. Usually you can't get malware just by loading

a webpage. They have to trick you into... Tell that to John Podesta! It puts a bunch of weird pizza and napkin puns in your email outbox. Usually you have to install like, oh, do you want to play this video file? Install this video player. And that's what it takes you to do.

Oh, I did! I installed the player that's the only way i could watch the porn linked me to some slightly off-looking youtube and asked me to sign in and so i just hammered it in there and that is what happened to john podesta he got uh he got a reset uh link into his email hey it said someone has your password click here he clicked it it asked him to sign in he signed in in, but in fact, he was saying, here's my information to someone else. I get that from PayPal a lot. They're

constantly saying, hey, your account's been compromised. Click here to change your stuff. I'm like, oh yeah, click here to suck a dick. I'm not falling for that. I didn't get a text about it, so you're going to have to fuck right off. This works in 2016. Gerians.

So I bought a motorcycle. I saw that. I really liked it. I'm shocked that you didn't somehow get it into the room there behind you and have it parked there. That would have been so cool. You could have got on it and fired it up. That would be hard to pull off upstairs. Right up the stairs.

It was like $2,000 on the stairs it was like two thousand dollars on the stairs you're not gonna ruin it ramp i really think you're asking a lot for me on the motorcycle upstairs i would have had my motorcycle upstairs i'm just saying i i wouldn't doubt you you do some cool shit for the show sometimes like hey i set up my whole office here outside so i could show the flamethrower that was fun yeah like all right your very red face afterward that oh it was so it was burnt all right so i didn't want to diminish your story at all you got a motorcycle and it's beautiful um i want to know more tell tell us tell us tell us so i i picked it because it's kind of a mid-sized motorcycle. I've got a lot of motorcycle experience. I have nine years riding. And for like a third of that, half of that maybe, I only had a motorcycle. So I drove it every single day through the rain, snow, sleet, et cetera.

But in aviation, there's this concept of how many hours you have and how many of them are current. I haven't ridden a motorcycle for 15 years. So I didn't want to hop right back on a leader bike because none of my hours are current. Well, now about six of them are. I'm excited. The dream, the GS, the BMW GS

is what it is, a 650 GS. People watch Long Way Down and Long Way Around. Are you familiar with these shows at all? Ewan McGregor, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and a guy you probably don't know charlie boorman he's a lesser known actor ride their motorcycle around the world like they start in england they take a boat like to france and then they go east through russia through like kazakhstan and mongolia and all the way up to like the north eastern part of of Russia when they take a

small boat ride to Alaska and then they ride it across America to New York and then of course a bigger flight home and that's the long way around they start in England and go east until they pretty much circumnavigate the globe on motorcycles and then they did a similar thing where they went to Scotland and then rode down to South Africa. And the motorcycle they used is in the same family as mine. And I guess the joke is that people buy it and then never do anything cool like that. But we'll see. I would love to go up to Alaska, ride the Dalton Highway,

and do some neat shit. I don't even think you have to do anything too crazy to enjoy it. You're going to have a ton of fun just riding that around on the regular road and doing stuff. Like you don't have to turn everything into an excursion to enjoy your motorcycle, you know? Thank you. Yeah. Good point. Who am I doing this for? But so my brother wants to meet in like, there's like a town in West Virginia that's ATV friendly and you can ride it on all the roads and go through the trails and stuff like that. I'm like, that'd be great. I'll hop on my bike

and head up to West Virginia and party with Pat. I'm down for that. But yeah, I'm totally excited to have a motorcycle again. I got Jackie to say yes. Everyone knew that was going to happen except me somehow. You had a flying machine. It was a no brainer.

This is so much of a step back. Technically, it's not. All you had to do was say, look, every minute I'm on that bike, I'm not in the air. Woody, it's great motorcycle weather today. You don't have to fly. You know, just get out there.

Get up high. I know you can go real quick on the thing. You don't get quick on the thing. You know, like, just... Which was tough. Yeah. You see, you only get injured on the motorcycle. You die in the paramotor. No, you're out of paramotor fuel. It's not.

Jackie, it's in the dryer. Oh, I don't know. How'd that happen? But I am really, really, really excited about the motorcycle. I'm pretty much constantly wishing I was riding it. Today, I was playing with model airplanes. By by the way remember that cool model airplane or like you know rc airplane i destroyed it today i was temporarily sad i was like well fuck me you know i'm learning to fly there's a i could go on but i i handled the controls wrong and crashed it poorly. Crashed it spectacularly. It's in, like, 20 pieces.

It's awesome. We were picking it up for a while. It's not a problem. Yeah, I was like, Colin, can you get the golf cart? This is several trips worth of shit. It's, like, yard sale everywhere. I really broke the fuck out of it. Did you ever yard sale when you were skiing?

Like, first learning to ski? Yeah, sure. where you fall like kyle you don't ski because like you you said you rather snowboard if you ever tried it but basically a yard scale when you ski is you fall and you lose everything both of your skis come off and because they're skis and it's just you're on a torpedo you're on a mountain it's just like you just got to know like well i hope those rentals are pretty cheap because they're on my tab they have brakes but if it's icy if you don't have like a friend with you who's if the first time i went down a hill skiing i didn't have a friend with me to help me pick up all my shit i would still be on that hill trying to get down. That was a week ago. Skis have brakes, but if it's icy

they don't really work. They just keep going. I skied a lot of ice. Dude, I looked at the comments on my video and around. Everyone's talking about midlife crisis. I want to be like, bitch, first of all, this is my fourth motorcycle. It's not fair to call it a midlife crisis. Second, I've been playing this game on midlife crisis since I was 17.

Like, this is not the first cool thing I've done. It just sucks that when you're 40-something, like, that's all anyone has to say. Yeah, it's just that in comparison that their dad's lives kind of suck. Like, their dad's got one motorcycle, and it was when he was 40. But, you know, you've had a whole fleet of motorcycles and flying contraptions and and interesting fun things this is just another chapter in a in a book of cool things that woody is writing that's what i'm getting a lot of guys who raised families and take the responsible route like you did of making sure everybody's provided for you got to get home you got all this stuff all segmented away this is that age for a lot of people who are successful

where they're finally like hey all this money i've been making i'm gonna i'm gonna spend some on my own i can who's gonna tell me i can't fly fuck you yeah fuck you i'm gonna fly like and then you're just like i'm gonna start spending some money like it's it's it's daddy's turn now for some stuff i don't know that's that's kind of like when i so when like my dad makes a big purchase he's in his 50s so when he like made a couple big purchases in his 40s, he got the midlife crisis thing. But he kind of had that same opinion of like, no, it's just, you know, it's our turn now.

We've been living for all the rest of you for a long time, and it's time for us to get some fun shit. Yeah. Like Hope's got college still left to pay. What is four years of college, like 160 grand, something like grand something like that oh man if she goes to a private school if she goes to a school in the state that's public it's going to be way cheaper than that i would think oh yeah well i don't think i got that i uh uh i told her her deal i was like look i pay for unc right unc that that school however much money that is that's your budget right if you want to

go to like fucking i don't know elon or something like that then you borrow the difference between the cost of unc and that that's your deal or get scholar like she's mostly getting scholarships everywhere there's a place now she's applying for a free if i were her i'd be like all right so your base is is you know this take you and say oh so 150 000 so every scholarship i get that takes out of that i get to keep that cash i feel like that's not properly how much is university of phoenix you know well that's only 60 bucks a semester so i get to pocket 40 grand you know yeah yeah i mean she's been accepted to every school she's applied for so far now some of the like stretch schools and stuff they haven't replied back yet but um yeah

so far she's gotten into all of them she's like speaking to exactly the option you just gave her i have a lot of friends who when going to college had that exact same option from their parents where they'd be like hey mizzou this is the amount that is for four years we will pay for you to go to mizzou or you know missouri state somewhere in missouri but if you want to go to auburn or clemson or you know vanderbilt or something you're paying the difference there and a hundred percent of the people i've talked to who decided to take out loans so they could go to another school regret it. 100% of them.

All of them are like, I had all of this paid for. I had all of it paid for. And instead, I took out an extra six grand a year. And now I'm $24,000 in debt. And I didn't have to be. Because when I go and get a job, they go go hey, do you have a degree? Yeah, it's from, fuck off. Is it a four-year college? Yeah, because this is the new high school. Thanks for participating.

Yeah. I've hired a lot of people and typically my view on four-year schools is there are some that are different. If you went to Harvard or MIT or in the comp sci world, Carnegie Mellon belongs there. You're studying.

Yeah, yeah. Like there are some schools where you set them aside. Like, oh, you're an MIT grad. Like, shit, I'm surprised you're even talking to me. Like I'm not an MIT grad. But for the most part, like there's a huge barrel of like also good schools. UNC, NC State, Clemson, Mizzou, University of Chicago, Ohio State,

all Penn State. 80% of schools fit in that bucket. And then there's another bucket, which is like, oh, yeah, that's where the C students went to. You're ranking material. Yeah, yeah. Like, ah, did you go to William Patterson?

You guys have those commercials? You know, like, did you go to william patterson you know like did you go to university of phoenix like there is a level that's below i guess there's schools where like if you if you're trying to specialize in something like maybe you go to a school that if it's anthropology or whatever it is like like maybe maybe uga has a i think uga does have a a genetics uh lab there or something like that that's really state-of-the-art. I don't know. I guess that could be a fact. Yeah, yeah.

Like, Carnegie Mellon, I think, in comp sci in particular. Harvey Mudd, for most engineering disciplines, is, like, an especially good one. I think I have that name right. Like, there's some really good schools. But by and large, like, what I agree with Taylor said completely, like, the overwhelming majority of schools. I don't care if you went to University of Texas or Clemsxas or clemson or unc or git like they're all the same yeah they're all not ivy league but good unless you're in a specialist position like an engineer or something where you they obviously are gonna be like are you an accountant no okay well then you can't

have this job like they aren't even going to look at your college after your first real job like once you have that first foot in the door in whatever industry you're going to subsequent job interviews are going to be 95 talking about that job and then a little bit just to make sure you actually went to school like oh so you went here and did this tell me about that make sure you're not lying okay now down to brass tacks we're going to talk about what you did in your responsibilities at this job so really it's like you're getting that that name on the paper for that one foot in the door interview unless of course like I said you're a vet or a doctor or a

lawyer or something one thing hope has like she gets into like University of Texas for example right so if you live in Texas that's a state school and it's cheap if you don't live in Texas they offer the state school tuition to people who get their way into the honors college. She's got a bunch of those doors open. I don't know if she's in them yet or whatever, but she'll get into the school and then she has to apply to the honors college and see

if she can get into that. That lowers the tuition a ton. Then there's one... I forget the school. Her current top choice among the ones she's been accepted to, she's looking at a full ride. It's like they asked her, basically they accepted her and then they invited her to apply

for this full ride scholarship. So I don't know if that, maybe they invite everyone or maybe they invite some people, I don't know. I had a friend who got quite a few scholarships to MIT, but got a full ride to Rolla, which is the technical institute here in Missouri. It's in R-O-L-L-A, Rolla, here.

And the deal he had with his parents, you know, his parents were like, you know, if you can go to MIT and take out those loans, or you can go to mit and take out those loans or you can go to rala and because we're saving so much money and we already have it put away we'll get you a car with this amount of money and he's such a like he's a computer scientist kind of guy and he's so logical that like he went with rala and then when i was like i was talking to him because we're really good friends like dude what are you gonna get like for the car like you you going to get a Mustang or something like this? And he was like, actually, I was really looking into the Hyundai Elantra. It gets excellent gas mileage, and it's very rare to have it break down. And in the case it does, parts are very replaceable.

And I'm like, oh, my God, dude, we're 18. But looking back, it's like, yeah. And he still has that Elantra now makes a great living for himself and when you ask him about this is the same uh magic card kind of guy who you know he knows what he likes he does that and i have a lot of respect for people like that who you know aren't swayed you know i would have loved to have seen if the story went oh yeah i got a used honda civic and then i took the other 10 grand or 15 grand that was budgeted put that on a down payment on my house and now i have either a better home or

lower payment for the next 30 years of my lifetime like that yeah i don't think his parents or anybody's parents would be cool with like all right i'm gonna get a you know a 71 ford pinto for 60 and then you can just get $19,940 in cash. My dad would have gone for it. He would have been like, I like that decision. You're going to put it towards a non-depreciating asset. Yeah. Well, Kyle, I have to ask, who's your favorite player on the Blackhawks?

I don't know any of the players. Proudfoot. Proudfoot. Proudfoot. Looking strong this year. Brace Girl. I'm losing it now. I don't know any of the players on that team. Not a one.

But they are going to win. If you were going to make up some Russian name just on the chance because you know I sent you that picture where it's like Igor Petrosenko that's a good made up one I sent you the thing where it was like did you know that Bolby Stroganovsky scored

three goals last night and some guy texts back like yeah and Bolby Stroganovsky is the guy from Jimmy Neutron that little weirdussian foreign exchange sounds like a russian name though but um yeah you have to watch a few games at least to kind of to appreciate i uh there was a there was a game on the other day and i almost watched it but um but i think i watched the ufc fights instead um i i might catch a game on the other day, and I almost watched it, but I think I watched the UFC fights instead. I might catch a game.

Is Columbus the best team in the league right now? Who? Columbus. Yeah, but as far as win percentage, Columbus is the best right now. They're beating Pittsburgh right now, which is surprising. As we speak, they're beating – They're in a 10-game win streak. They're beating the defending champions 3- Pittsburgh right now, which is surprising. Yeah, as we speak, they're beating – they're in a 10-game win streak. They're beating the defending champions 3-1 right now.

They're like – what are they at, 46? They nearly have the most points in the NHL, but they have like five points fewer – or sorry, five games fewer than most of the other teams. They're doing outrageously well, and people thought they were going to be the worst team in the league. They're like the Hurricanes of 2005 or something, like whatever year they won the cup. Like no one thought they were going to be the worst team in the league. They're like the Hurricanes of 2005 or something, like whatever year they won the cup. Like no one thought they were going to be anything. The year that the Hurricanes won the cup, I was frustrated. I was like, you know, the cool thing about being a Flyers fan

is like when a big free agent comes around, they either get that free agent or they're in the game. You know, like, oh, you know, Kujo is a good goalie at the time, like up for free agency. The Flyers are making a run at him, and he's considering them. Whereas when you're a Carolina fan, like, I don't know.

You just don't get those people. And sure enough, they won the cup that year. I'm the worst general manager in the history of ever. You're like, this is bullshit. You're throwing the team away. You're not even trying. I was in the preseason, like, this is bullshit. You're throwing the team away. You're not even trying. I was in the preseason like Carolina doesn't even try. They're not even trying to win.

Like there's great goalies. There's these free agents. There's these moves you could be making. And you're not making any of those moves. And they win the cup. But where was I headed with that? I don't know. Oh, they were outstanding.

But Columbus this year was a similar. Everyone thought they'd be a cellar dweller. Everyone thought that they, you know, all the preseason picks and stuff. And here they are, like, not just doing well, literally the best team in the NHL at the moment. Yeah, I'm baffled that the Blue Jackets are playing so well. They have 21 wins, soon to be 22 if they beat the Penguins, and five losses and four overtime losses.

So they have three fewer losses than the defending Stanley Cup champions right now in the same number of wins. So that's pretty crazy. And Crosby is out of control with goal scoring right now. He has 23 goals in 28 games. He scores in games. That's unreal. Oh, you think so?

You know, I would take take crosby on my team in a second oh anybody on the team for crosby your estrogen level too low on over there in st louis now i just want the the the estrogen level too low oh we need more oh yeah i said it right yeah yeah you were low on estrogen over there so so you need to bring in Crosby. See you, Kyle. Poor Kyle. The thing about the Carolina Hurricanes winning the Cup that year is it was one of the first years that Eric Stahl was playing, one of the first years that Cam Ward was playing, and they both played lights you know like lights out incredible for like the whole season

and then the entire playoffs especially cam ward if i recall he like like they sold that fucking series from um the oilers i guess it was the oilers you guys were playing in the stanley cup right i think i think the oilers might have been in the cup i don't recall yeah it had was it the oilers i remember the other team their goalie like sprained his acl and was out for the rest of the series and after game yeah i'm like oh is your goalie broken well that's one of the things nice about our goalie he's not broken but right after that stanley cup season it was like eric stall and cam ward were like i feel like we've already proven everything

we came to prove. We won the Stanley Cup with the fucking Carolina Hurricanes. You win it with the Blackhawks, Detroit. Yeah, they've won a lot. You won it with the Hurricanes? How in God's name did you pull that off? That's ridiculous. And so then they just kind of coasted for a long time. One of the players, I forget who it

was. I'm not going to remember, but he called into this radio talk show. And at the time, like, people still listen to radio. It's like 2005. And he's there calling from bed. There's a random chick in his bed with him. And he's like, yeah, yeah, won the cup. Scored, you know, with this girl.

You know, there she is. And she's, like like giggling in the background and it was really him and uh he's like i made her call my dick lord stanley all night long and the dj's like what really and uh he's like yeah she didn't care she was down with it like we called it lord stanley and uh she's confirming his story like she wasn't on the phone but like she's like next to him confirming the story like yeah lord stanley did work and it was fantastic i i wish i could find that interview again but i i i freaking love like like at first i was nearly offended it was so raunchy but um now i just feel like it was

a really great celebration like that guy's gonna remember winning the stanley cup and the like how great that night was there was a cherry on top right it was a grand slam to win the cup it was oh i said it wrong it was a home run to win the cup it was a grand slam to get the girl and have her call your dick lord stanley throughout the the session yeah that's that's that really is the icing on that cake yes yeah it really is getting here to call your dick lord stanley yeah i i really liked it it was a great i don't know it's cool i've heard the hurricanes might leave the city which would be a bummer like the owner's looking for a sale i don't know where it

would go yeah i hope not i mean i've heard like quebec city moving it up into i guess montreal around montreal i don't know how far away quebec city is from montreal but i mean if it's anything like every other canadian city it can support a team like 600 people lose a team all the time like how did winnipeg winnipeg lost its team twice but now i'm pretty sure they sell out most games and they only have like 600 000 people in that entire town like all the cities they put it in in canada are teeny tiny compared to the cities in the u.s except for toronto toronto is like five million people or something metro area it's like close to chicago i think or not as big as chicago i don't know but, I hope they don't move Carolina.

The reason they have teams there is because they try and expand it into new markets. But who knows? I mean, Atlanta failed twice. The challenge with Carolina is that they're not winning. Like they've been one of the lower teams in the NHL, like bottom third, right? Not the worst, but like bottom third for a while now. And it's just, dude, when they were winning the cup, they made two cup runs. They lost the cup, I think, two years before they won it.

People were really excited. Like the whole, for people who've been in a town that's like, you know, making a run at a championship, it doesn't matter the sport. There's a, like, don't you feel it? Like, don't you know? Yeah, there's a lot of excitement. Yeah, I remember Philadelphia was, I don't know, they were doing well in the playoffs, right? And Philadelphia's not really a baseball city.

But when they're in the playoffs, it is. Like, I swear, like, I don't know, maybe an inning would end and five people in the parking lot all get out of their cars at the same time. They were sitting there listening to it. Like there's something in the air that I can't really describe. But when your sports team is kicking ass like that, it's awesome. But it's hard to get – You feel like you're in it together with a lot of other people.

So it's like a communal, like we're all on the same side with this. Like it feels good to be on the same team with everybody. It's exciting and you care for some reason because they don't care about my job i'm sure but uh but i care about theirs and and we all care about theirs and that's a thing and i mean i've told this before but i um i met ron francis after he was so that he won the cup ron francis was the captain of the team at the time and uh the hall of famer won a couple cups he's's a very good player. And I was buying hockey gear or something, and he was buying gear for his kids. And I had a cold, and I just couldn't.

I was starstruck by Ron Francis. His wife saw me. She was giggling at me. And I wanted to shake his hand, i had a cold and i felt this like responsibility to the city not to get ron francis sick you know so i just i just admired him very creepy from a distance you know instead of uh passing my germs on to him like meanwhile you'd be like oh oh shit yeah fuck crosby oh my god he's not even a hockey player he's fucking soccer player on skates Jeff! You're out! Fuck Crosby. Oh my God.

He's not even a hockey player. He's a fucking soccer player on skates. Best hockey player in the world. A large margin. It's funny you hate him so much. He's so gay. I don't like Patrick Kane for the Blackhawks, but he's undeniably a great player.

And then when it comes around to the Olympics and whatnot, it's like, hey, USA, Patrick Kane, an American, you know? And then it comes around to the olympics and whatnot it's like hey usa patrick kane an american you know yeah and then it's back to chicago oh you bitch you know never crosby man you'd love him if he was on philly i'd have to see it i don't know man philly hates Crosby, but if you put a secret ballot in every single room in Philadelphia, and it said, check this box and put it in your mailbox, and tomorrow Claude Giroux and Sidney Crosby will trade places, and they will be on your team. It would be like a Brexit style.

They'd be like, no, I didn't vote for him. I always want Giroux around. No, no, no. I'm really not with no, I didn't vote for him. I always want Giroux around. No, no, no. I'm really not with you. I wouldn't vote for him. I wouldn't. Because, like, I was having a hard time deciding

what I wanted Crosby in exchange for nothing. Like, do I really want to... If we have to give up our best player to get him, fuck a Crosby. Let's kick Crosby's ass in the playoffs.

Like, let's do that instead. Give away this Ferrari, and in return you get you know Trump's airplane to fly around and do it like you're eight he is like Jeru's a great player I take your rule any Center on the Blues drop of a hat no questions asked you know fucker game over But cry like I I bet it would be a fun little social experiment to see everybody in Philly be like We're not gonna not pick Crosby. But I can tell you he's done. Because he's the best player in the league on our road.

So Chelios, people don't know he's a Hall of Famer defenseman. Philly was like 47 or something, like still good. And anyway, I guess Philly was going to get him or almost get him or whatever, and the whole city was like, fuck that guy. Fuck that Hall of Famer. We want nothing. We haven't forgiven him for the – Ronnie took it like Roenick or something like that.

And I can't say his name. What's his name? Roenick. Roenick. Yeah, so – and he was – I guess you could say Crosby level. You could say Chelios is somewhere up there. Yeah, very, very good player. Oh, did you hear?

Yarmir Yager tied Mark Messier. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Although he will not catch Gretzky unless he plays until he's 60. Yeah, I was reading. Gretzky stats are annoying because I go to the hockey Reddit, and so many posts are like, you know, the same difference between, you know, this is actually an interesting one.

The same difference between Gretzky and Jager is the distance in points from Jager to the 104th place in the points list. Like, so like the big thing now is, will Jager get enough points before the end of his career to get more total points than Gretzky had assists? Like, that's the thing. Like, and he probably won't. Yeah.

Well, you wonder how many points. No, he might. Jager played more seasons where they were lockout shortened, and he spent two years in the KHL. I think three years in the KHL even. Oh, I could be wrong. Maybe three seasons. It was like a long time he spent there.

Yeah, yeah. So he's kind of got a what-if career going on, but still a great one. Oh, yeah. Yeah, but fuck Crosby. I think we can all agree on that, right? I don't think so. All right. Do we need a new topic?

Either after winning the cup for the Penguins. But, yeah, Kyle is is back and don't let that jersey fool you he has no interest none not a bit whatsoever i saw when you walked away does it have a hood in the back yeah it's a hoodie it's like a giant hooded sweatshirt thing it's not like an official jersey or anything it's it's it's like they're uh it's like a giant like uh giant hooded sweatshirt and that's's like their classic looking, like their old style logo. Because that's back when they wrote Black Hawks instead of Black Hawks.

Yeah, it's that and I think this might be their alternate. This is either their alternate or away jersey. I was going to pick one or the other and I think the alternate jersey just looked like a hate crime. Like the Indian on it was not respectful at all. And I this was not that great um so uh i i thought

this one was the was the nicer of the uh the ones the one that i might actually wear again after tonight so i got this one oh you'll wear that again it looks i'm sorry i I got excited. Kyle, Chris Cyborg, you know Cyborg, the women 145 pounder, busted for steroids again? Shocking. I don't know. I thought she was clean now. What?

I no longer think that. I literally talked to her. I was talking to my dad yesterday about UFC and I was like there's this one man that they got fighting named Chris Cyborg and he's somehow found a loophole because he doesn't

have an actual penis to fight in the women's league and they actually made 145 pound weight class for this man but he can't make it because he's on so much steroids fucking Vonderlei sylvan address let's take a look no it's a woman with a real vagina that she was born with she just takes a lot of steroids um she's unfortunate looking which i i won't mock but uh she's definitely a cheater

she i think that she's got the same head thing going as joe rogan almost i think that face is somewhat steroid driven i I'm outside my expertise a little bit. I'm looking at a picture of her now. If you can see she has a spray painted car in the background. If you follow that link. Let me see. One, two, three, four.

It's the fifth row down. She's got long red hair and a white car in the background. That face reeks of human growth hormone to me like it does a particular thing to that elongated jaw the big like that is what a woman on hgh looks like and i don't know how long does it take i just don't know enough about the science i think this is all i don't think this was a pretty dainty girl uh eight years ago am i wrong like i wish i could find some

old pictures of her was was she uh was she busted for this before or is this the first time this has happened for her this is the second time she's been busted for steroids look at this guy this guy is another note he has a um he did get busted for steroids but in addition to steroids he has like a birth defect of some sort. Gigantism? Yeah. He's got Tyler Perry chin. The way that his face is kind of not normal human face is related to too much HGH.

That's kind of a thing he's got going on. When I flip over to her, I feel like she she has a similar like a girl's version of it undeniably this woman's been on steroids she's done a lot of roids yeah um i i don't know if her face is a product of that or if she was just unfortunate looking always but her body is a clear enough indicator that that she's cheating um you know i like that ronda rousey interview where they're like so when are you gonna fight chris cyborg and she's literally like whenever she stops fucking taking steroids and they're like you think she's on steroids and she's like look at her like like look at because i know what ronda's thinking i assume that ronda's clean so i would imagine she's thinking i but i'm and this is a this is when she was at the top of her uh career

yeah i'm working so goddamn hard with the best people in the world i'm and this is a this is when she was at the top of her uh career yeah i'm working so goddamn hard with the best people in the world i'm working so goddamn hard and i don't look nothing like that man they've got over there that they want me to to step up and fight at 145 pounds like i wouldn't want to fight her ass either there's a ronda yeah i saw here this. Look at this picture of Ronda Rousey. She looks like a girl in that picture. Like that. That is what a human female looks like.

An in shape one. Like if you see her arms and her deltoids and stuff like this is a woman who's lifted and wrestled and done a lot of like shit. But it's still a woman. Yeah. Right. You know, this this is a woman who's lifted and wrestled and done a lot of like shit but it's still a woman yeah right you know this this is a professional female athlete what chris cyborg has going on like with this shit that's that's not what a professional female athlete it's unnatural it's unnatural it would be like if all of a sudden you had a football player out there that had like a horse's legs you're like well those don't look like people legs, like other men have. They look like horse legs. Did you just...

He lost his fucking shoe? Is that a horseshoe? That's running back his... It's running. You know? I can imagine how frustrated she is. Rhonda would be having to dodge her her whole career but you know on ronda's defense she's like i'll fight her she just has to make 135 which is a code

for you know she has to get off those ridiculous steroids to make 135 and there's a mental addiction to these things like it it happens on on two sides right one of it is like they just it's what they look like etc and when they come off it even if their of it is like they just, it's what they look like, et cetera. And when they come off it, even if their performance is still good, they just feel like, man, you know, I'm not what I was before. It gets in their head. They lose their confidence.

And they lose that energy too. You know, it's not just like, it's not like you could go on the steroids and get all this muscle mass and everything and then go off the roids and you're able to power that muscle mass like it's your own necessarily. You don't have the hormones.

You didn't get there the right way. Your body testosterone is much lower than it should be for someone that looks like you. I don't know. I really hate cheating in MMA. I know you've said it long before I did, but it really has been hammered home over time after watching a lot of rough fights where guys get hurt. And I really don't like that that that sucks i'm glad that she got caught i hope that she can't fight anymore i don't ever want to see her fight i don't care because any woman they put against her is woefully mismatched like let her go fight demetrius johnson or

whatever his name is mighty mouse go go fight a man if you want to look like that. That guy fights 20 pounds lower than her. Let her fight Dominic. Yeah, but he's a man. Yeah, yeah. But no, this is what I want to do. I always have this same idea. It's like, oh, did this new fighter who can barely defend himself get caught for whatever? Let's give him a title shot.

Like, let's feed him to Jon Jones, who will consume him like a lion on the Serengeti. He'll blind him. Yeah. Let's give Jon Jones a bonus for stretching it out to the fourth round and just elbow the fuck out of this guy until he wishes that you would just give him

what he needs to get out of this fight. You can't do that to Cyborg, though. There's no one else to fight her. Not in the women's division, but she fights at 145. So why can't I remember the champ? Connor and Aldo. Jose Aldo. Yeah, yeah.

Those are the current champs. Let them fight her. They will fuck her up. They will have a field day. Like, all right, if you're going to have that much tea, go to the men's division. The funny thing about that is, I bet if you gave Conor six, seven weeks from right now, he'd hit 145 and he'd show up and fight. She couldn't.

She can't fucking make the weight. That's another thing. Whenever I heard all of that that that she wanted all that time and stuff it's like no it's not about making the weight it's about getting the steroids out of her system so what is it you solder or whatever doesn't doesn't get her i saw all those fucking demetrius johnson fans boohooing because he got tested while he was like out on a date or at a at a convenience stores yeah yeah it was it was like no fucking piss in your cup asshole like like if you want to fight and make 350 000 to show then let's make sure you're

clean you know you're gonna dominate a division clean it out i don't know what his fan said but i usually interpret it differently like when i when he's like hey look i got tested i got tested all the fighters brag about getting tested because it's sort of bragging about being clean. Yeah. When they say, look how often I'm tested and stuff. Weidman does it too. DJ does it. You know, Dewey Drew Johnson is a Twitch streamer.

He streams lots of video games. And he's been tested. He's had USADA knock on the door during live streams and test him right on the spot. Yeah, I think in this case he was out on a date and they called him. And he was like, well, I'm at a gas station. You can come meet me here and we'll do it. And I think that may have been what happened. He may have uploaded some of the footage of it all going down or whatever.

I didn't dig too deep, but I just saw that his fans were like, that's bullshit. Hassling you while you're on your date. I'm like, no, it's a perfect time. Yeah, no. What they ought to do now is test him the next day, right after, in case he's like, you know, if I'm him, I'm walking around with some piss all the time. You know, I've got a root. I'm like that guy in Gattaca, right?

I'm trying to live this lie. I think he's clean. Most people feel like Demetrius Johnson is clean. I don't believe that anybody's clean until they test him and test him and and test them again and then we wait five years and we test them some more like there's always a shadow of a doubt i think when you're especially if they're that top tier that it's it's like okay so this guy is the best in the world at what he does he probably has the best performance enhancing drugs in the world for what he does he's probably not taking that same diana ball cocktail that i can order off the internet you know he's not taking the same Deanna Ball cocktail that I can order off the internet. He's not taking the same

shit Schwarzenegger was. He's got some designer cocktail that came out of somewhere like Balco that you'll have to have some grand jury testimony in 15 years before you even know about it. Balco were the people who were making the drugs

for Barry Bonds. I'm hunting for... Shit. It's hard. It's not organized like I want it to be. There are people who've been tested a lot. Josh Barnett's been tested 13 times this year. Demetrius Johnson, let's look up him.

Let's see how many Johnsons there are. He's been tested eight times in 2016 so that's that's towards the high end if they're suspected then they get tested more often christine justito that's cyborg right she's been tested 11 times this year and they finally caught her see that that's what i'm talking about right there right you know they test her 11 times before they catch her um you're right connor's been tested are there ways are there ways to cheat those yes absolutely yeah they found people cheating them oh well you're talking about actually cheating the test not just using a chemical to remove traces of evidence from

your system and or cycling and doing micro doses. What you're describing is like having a fake penis, which is totally a thing. They make this whole kit with a fake dick, with a bag of urine, a tube that goes to it. You pull out an actual... Be believable on her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's always there.

How did you know that Chris Cyborg was cheating her drug test? Well, when she pulled her cock out, I could tell it didn't look like a real cock. You know, it looked rubber. It said PeteClean.com on the side. Yeah, so we looked beneath the rubber cock and found her real cock, which was much, much larger, I will say. Kyle's right.

One of the things they do is microdoses, right? So these things, I forget which ones. I'm not an expert expert on this but um like i think it's hgh it wipes out of your system in like a day so people might do like micro doses like i don't even think they have a test for hgh am i messing it up i forget which one it is but some of them yeah clean out really quickly and uh they take tiny doses so that they clean out in like even less time than that but they get the benefit of like a improved healing cycle after their workout or something like that yeah i mean that's a huge uh thing because because like i i worked

out the other day and afterwards i was crippled i was just crippled i was like oh my god my entire chest is is like if i were to get into a tussle right now, someone half my size would just kick my ass. I feel like my, everything is just not working right. And I know when leg day comes, it's going to be crippled on that end. And it lasts for like four or five days. And I use that muscle roller. And you're only 30.

Yeah. I use that muscle roller to like get all the lactic acid out of the excruciating. And even then, you know, there's this recovery period. If that was like just not a thing, if you could work out hard in the next day, your muscles have fully recovered and like made that new muscle fiber, made those new connections that that protein has done its thing, the lactic acid is gone.

Man, that's a massive, massive deal. You know, it's. I was like three years older than you, five years older than you, something like that when I realized like wow like recovery is a very different thing at like 35 than it was at 17 like you know fuck you know like you are like an in and out worker outer where you like don't sustain it because if you stick at it for a couple months you know obviously i wasn't at the time as you were if you like what kyle's talking about like going back into it like you always just feel like like trembly almost and like if you pick up like a cup of water afterward you're like oh my god like it's steering the

wheels hard you know like two minutes after you work out like it's weird because you pick it up and it's so light and then like two hours after you pick it up, it's like, this is a lot of water. I don't know if I'm that thirsty. I'm so glad Cyborg got busted. Like Kyle said, man, I think that when she turned down a title shot because it was only eight weeks notice, I'm like, she's just trying to avoid USADA attention because they would really ramp up the testing. But I guess they busted her, man. Good, good. I have no interest in watching that fucking machine fight.

You know, Cyborg is a good name for her. I don't want to watch it. busted her man good good i have no interest in watching that fucking machine fight you know cyborg is a good name for i don't want to watch it i want to watch her fight a woman as much as i want to watch an actual cyborg fight a woman it's just as fair it's it's the same playing field i don't want to see it she is not a natural human being she shouldn't be in the sport with the other natural human beings who are who rise to the top because of like unnaturally skill who work hard at being accurate punchers who working on their footwork and their head movement like like those are the people i want to rise to the top that's why ronda rousey's gonna get her ass kicked because amanda new amanda nunez that is gonna fucking knock her out and

choke her out it's gonna be great i can't wait i can't it really is shitty i haven't i i meant to do that last night I was just talking to my dad about it yesterday And I was thinking about putting more on her because the more I described this the situation of my dad the more I convinced Myself that it was a good bet. I Just don't think I think Ron is scared I don't think her mind is right and I think that's really important going into that cage because I just put my myself in those fighter shoes sometimes and just try to imagine what my body language would even be like.

I just feel like in my head would be like, what position are my shoulders in right now? Not when I'm fighting. When we're standing in the ring before the fight, I'd be like, my hands feel weird. What do I do with my hands? I just feel like I'd be so nervous and out of place and scared. It'd just be like you'd have to master that before you can even think about being a top level fighter and i feel like ronda's coming in there just shaken and broken mentally and amanda nunez is just a tougher more accurate striker with a with great jiu-jitsu

she's a black belt in jiu-jitsu right uh black or brown i think she might be she's a brazilian black a brazilian brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt you know what she might be she's a brazilian black a brazilian brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt you know what i mean or she's portuguese maybe um she's she's she's not she's not gonna fuck around here i think she's gonna if it goes to the ground she submits ronda if it stays up the whole time she's the more accurate harder hitting striker how much do you think you're gonna bet like just a for fun kind of bet? I would never bet 500 or more than 500. But I'm definitely betting over 100.

I don't know, probably 100. So you're invested, you know? 250, split it. Yeah, I might do that. I really do think she's going to win. We'll see. It'll be a fun fight to watch. I don't know.

All my betting confidence is gone. 30th. After I proudly predicted Hillary Clinton and Eddie Alvarez wins, I don't know all my confidence is gone 30th after i proudly predicted hillary clinton and eddie alvarez wins i don't know shit anymore maybe you you just call it quits until the new year begins new year new you yeah i like the way you're thinking i want to see a tag team fight i that's what the ufc needs they need a tag team fight where they get ronda and connor to fight together against another male female female thing and they alternate rounds or something like that.

And like Connor's, Rhonda's like corner man. He's like, he's giving her the pep talks and everything. Have you ever seen the Spartacus TV show? Yeah, I've watched it on HBO. Where eventually they like, you know, they're all fighting and they

get in the good graces of the magistrate or whatever it is who runs the place and then eventually they're like you know we need to have you go fight in the pits which is like the the underbelly of you know cage fighting like very dirty like even when they show the crowd there they're all like toothless like rabble rabble kind of people like putting their putting their gold inserts on the line or whatever they do. And before every fight, it's the two guys standing there in the dirt patch, just their little loincloth on. And then a guy with a big scary helmet gives them a choice of dye or little balls in a bowl. And then they pull it out and it determines a weapon that they get. And so a guy will reach in and they'll be like oh the brass knuckles ah and then they give them like brass knuckles with spikes

on it then the other guy like oh you know trident and they give them a trident and the guy with the brass knuckles is like this is bullshit you gave him a rage weapon you see that's what it was like in the show i even watched it then i'm like oh man like this this would suck you could go into this fight knowing you're better and they're going to be like for this guy a piece of clay and for this guy you know roman gladius a piece of clay i need to quickly form it into something sharp Does anyone have a kiln? Confidence, right? We were talking about confidence and Ronda Rousey. In all my years

of different sports I've played, I did swimming at a fairly high level, I did hockey at a fairly low level. I never felt like confidence played a big role in my performance. Everybody else says it does. Because that doesn't exist in many sports the way it does in the UFC or in combat sports. It's so humiliating for someone like Ronda to have lost that first time around.

They build her up like she's a cartoon character. We all did. We all drank the Kool-Aid, right? And maybe the Kool-Aid works. Maybe Holly Holmes got a lucky punch. We'll see. She might tear Amanda Nunez apart, go on another five-fight spree with a total fight time of three minutes or something like that.

But I don't think it's going to happen. I think she's done. I think she's going to lose this, and that's it. The confidence plays a part in every sport, I think. I mean, even with hockey as a goalie. Like, if I let in a really soft goal that I knew I should have stopped, both teams knew I should have stopped, and everybody in the stands knows I should have stopped. Standing there afterwards with people just looking at you, like, look at that idiot. Look at that idiot.

Your only job is to keep the puck out of the net, and that's one that you should have kept out of the net. Like, you feel – and then, like, if your confidence is down, you do play worse because you start to think, like, you know, I could come out and play a little aggressively. No, that's what a good goalie would do. I'm not good enough. I'm just going to get beat on my left side. Oh, now I'm beat again, just like I knew would happen.

That's not me. I can obviously see it. Oh, not at all? Like, Kyle, you were like that when you played baseball, I'm sure, right? Where if you threw – did you pitch or what did you so if you threw a couple bad pitches it kind of get in your head right where you're like god if it goes in that same spot again i'm just off today and then it does and you're like well irredeemable it's an off day no it was more about arm fatigue there was a point where the arm just wouldn't work anymore,

no matter how bad you wanted it to go there. That was just my experience, though. I just think combat sports is different than that because when you're on the pitchers' mound, like, the whole team's with you. You know, you're setting the pace of the game. It all goes at your speed. You can take as much time as you want, literally.

You can call time, but I just feel like that fighter in there, it's all on them. You can't blame a coach. You can't blame the guy in the corner back behind you, the trainer, the boxing guy, the wrestling coach. You can't blame the Russians. For fighting, I've never done more than spar. FBI. So I haven't really done that hardcore. But for the other things, it was always like, well, this is how good I am.

But for the other things, it was always like, well, this is how good I am. However this works out, it works out. But I will give my full effort when I do this. And there were times when it was like, oh, this guy is about the same as me. And there was never like a confident shake. It was like, well, we'll see. I know what I can do. We'll see what he can do.

And whether it was Brazilian jiu-jitsu or ice hockey or swimming or whatever, it was always like that. Like, all right, you know, I'll spot my opportunities and I'll execute when I can. And if it works, it works. If it doesn't, it doesn't. It never had to be, oh, I'm going to fuck this guy. I think this guy is not on my level. Watch me, you know, prance and dance around him.

No, it was like, all right, let's see if this works let's give this a go and it like i never had to think that i was better than some guy i just sort of executed as you know as good as i can be and so when i hear all this talk about confidence and how people get shaken and don't perform like they could i think man i was just never really wired like that. I always performed as well as I could. But CNN wasn't, but, but sports center wasn't covering you. You know, there weren't going to be like 30 writers covering me, like writing about how, how poorly you did at your job. I hear you. And you're right.

You know, and I'm sure that's a higher level of pressure, but like when I did sports, especially like the swimming stuff, it was the center of my world, right? Like, you know, maybe, maybe CNN's not covering me, but when I get sports, especially like the swimming stuff, it was the center of my world, right? Like maybe CNN is not covering me, but when I get back on campus, it's going to be in the paper. When I – the campus paper. But there are people that care. Both read it. My coach and my team, like everybody will know.

Like my universe revolved around this thing. I get it. You know, the internet is not revolving around it like it does the next conor mcgregor it's not like you jerked off at a chargers game right but but for me it was my everything it was my sense of self-worth my personal identity you know the thing that i spend i don't even know how many is three times 5 15 maybe 20 hours a week practicing. That's a lot. And, you know, so, yeah, it's not in SportsCenter, but it's the center of my world.

And when it comes to competing and whatnot, it was always like, well, I'm going to go 100% and we'll see where the chips fall. It really wasn't about me knowing I was better than some guy. So Call of Duty released a whole bunch of new content this week um all those camos and melee weapons and christmas crash and all of that stuff taylor how many melee weapons do you have and what's your favorite one at this point i've got the brawler bottle that's just a broken bottle that you stab people with i've got the scimitar one. I don't know what it's called,

but it looks like what goblins wield in Moria, and you slice people with it. I've got the omsk hammer, which is just a hammer, but it looks cool. It's a very brutal-looking hammer. If you saw this hammer, you wouldn't think. There are things to nail. You'd think, oh, there are heads to cave,

like that kind of hammer. Are they've got performing it's all they're all the same one hit kill i think i haven't killed someone with every one of them range but um i think i think they're all the same range as well i like the hammer the most just because if you put on uav jammer uh extreme conditioning and then whatever other one you want and then just at the very beginning of the game hold y it's not that just when you melee you hold the gun and the hammer comes out if you hold y you'll just have a hammer out and be a maniac running around with a hammer who gets all their kills like that and so it doesn't do well in a game based on guns but it's pretty satisfying to sneak up behind someone and bludgeon them to death with the ump's hammer and then know that

they watched it like god damn it guy beat me to death with the OMSK hammer and then know that they watched it like, God damn it, guy beat me to death with a hammer. Yeah, I'm digging it. I've got the ice axe. I've got the sort of machete-looking device. And I've got the beer bottle as well. The neat thing about the beer bottle, you hold Y or triangle if you're on PlayStation. And he, like, pulls out a beer bottle, smashes the end of it, and then, like, flips it and catches it.

And he's like, yeah, now I'm ready. You know, he starts with a a beer bottle, smashes the end of it, and then flips it and catches it, and he's like, yeah, now I'm ready. He starts with a regular beer bottle. I've got so many of the camos unlocked now and all the kits and stuff. I like it. Now when you play Team Deathmatch or whatever, everybody's running around with some fantastic-looking gun that's covered in diamonds or something,

which maybe some purists won't like. But shit, it's a 9 or 10 year old game. I'm okay with a little bit of... Yeah, it's fun. It's not changing the actual damage. Purely cosmetic, the melee items, they're not faster, the range isn't different. I couldn't get a lot of questions. I'm pretty sure they're just cosmetic.

That's cool. Everything they did is cosmetic, and everything they did, there's a way to do without spending real-world money. You know, you can still unlock those, get keys for crates, or tokens to unlock crates, and you get 10 tokens, you unlock, you get a crate. Did you buy the stuff we're talking about?

Like these weapons, the melee weapons? No, you just play a lot, and you get a lot of tokens, and you unlock a lot of boxes, and then you get given it randomly. And if you get, the deal is, if you get a a duplicate it grinds that up into gears or something like that and then you stockpile those gears and you use them to manufacture other things or unlock other things it's it's a whole big money making like slot machine that they turned call of duty into but i'm not feeding it money so it's fun. Once you've got all the stuff that you want

you kind of just get a ton of duplicates every time you roll it and so it just becomes a game of alright, just keep rolling until my gears tick up to the right amount and then I'll just outright buy whatever emblem I want. But yeah, I like it.

All the emblems are infinitely cooler than any of the stock ones that came with the game which was obviously on purpose to get you to buy COD points. CP, not a great abbreviation. Someone should have thought that through. What does it stand for in game? COD points.

I was going to tweet, like, I'm going to buy $20 a CP, and I was like, yeah, probably not. That didn't get you very far. What? That didn't get you very far. What? That didn't get you very far. That's some high-dollar stuff. I'm sure some... CP.

None of it takes that long to work up to with the gear. No, I get it. So you're getting your CP faster than that? Sure. Yeah. Okay. But, yeah, I like... I don't know.

I like all of it. I think it's awesome. I like how every gun can be gold now um kyle do you have the assassin kit for snipers yet no i don't have any uh any sniper kits i got some cool like uh camo that's white papyrus with like uh you know like etchings all over it i don't know i i've got i think i got a couple of kits maybe for the the submachine guns i've got like a whiteout kit or something like that. Yeah, that one looks really neat on the Mini Uzi especially because it's just whited out. Yeah, I'm digging it.

I like what they've done so far. We'll see if they keep making changes. Gun game is great. Yeah, I'm glad you mentioned that. Yeah, gun game is really fun, although of course it doesn't take into account stopping power on the M40. That gets annoying to me. I get stuck there often. If I can't quickly get a headshot, if I'm trying to quickscope people at close range on Showdown or something like that,

and they've got Uzis or whatever they've got, anything but an M40, it's a real fucking bad day. Yeah, that's the only aggravating thing about gun game is you can tell when you're actually having objectively bad luck in that you'll run out in the open with your pistol and if three times in a row you just run into the sniper guy so straight from the spawn you just get

fucked. That's aggravating. There's no game type to jump into late that's worse than gun game because you're basically hobbled with that starting pistol Oh, you start stabbing off start stabbing right away. Just to piss people off. I'm a terrible stabber I miss most of my stabs My guy gets way too vehement and then overshoots it and the other guy looks at me laughs and caps me I I rarely risk knives. It was what that was the third to last boot camp that I completed

Knifing people just because i always think i'm gonna miss the melee because this isn't modern warfare 2 you get spoiled in modern warfare 2 and modern warfare 3 with melees because you just kind of hit it when you're in the vicinity of someone and boom like okay yeah they're dead this one it's like if you're not exactly squared up even without commando the kn thing in modern warfare was way tactical knife and it was just the tactical knife gave you a higher rate of fire for your knife if you will it was boom boom boom instead of that you know a quarter second is a huge deal if it's about how fast can i swing a knife in a crowded room of people in call of duty so i was speaking of gun camos

let me show off these these guns oh yeah back. I got all these guns coated. These are cool. This is my M1A1 stuck in a Juggernaut Rogue chassis. It's chrome. This is a pretty cool thing. It's really cool. Look at that. I'm moving around trying to get in the reflection.

It literally had my picture in it earlier. Like, it reflected me. It's putting a National Match M1A1 sniper rifle, .308 semi-auto, inside of this bullpup chassis, and so the whole thing is very short. You know, this flash hider is, what, four inches long? So, I mean, the rifle is really, really shortened by this thing.

And, I don't know, you can shoot this thing out of your car now. It's pretty badass. The magazine goes down here. I got a big 50-round drum magazine that goes in it. Of 308s. Yeah. Drum magazine. That's a lot of stop power. For when you're deer hunting, right?

Yeah, 308s. Sometimes they fight back. Yeah, in case the deer, you know, retreat and reform an assault. And even then, you would be on the winning end of that battle. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. We're better armed than the deer militia. If you don't have antlers, just pick up the ones left behind by your friend in front of you. It's a battle, you know?

This is my ACR. This is my ACR. I really like the camo job because it's like a standard just sort of wilderness camo tree leaf kind of thing. I really like this thing. I've had this thing for a long time. I like that muzzle brake, too. It looks it, and it is, really sharp on the end. really like this thing. I've had this thing for a long time. I like that muzzle brake, too. It looks it, and it is, really sharp on the end. You could really poke the fuck

out of somebody with this if you wanted to. You could scratch them. Give them a wicked scratch. Yeah. Triple scratch. Show them what's up next if they take one more step. Kyle attacks them with their ACR, and they're in a vicious hunt for aloe vera.

This next one is just in case Kyle ever has to infiltrate a Home Depot. No, no, this is the... Oh, no, not that one. The default one, yeah. No infiltration mode. If we go to fight Eskimos or something, I guess. This is my FNFS

2000. I like that gun. I have two, but in black. It's my favorite. People won't like calling an assault rifle. It's my favorite tactical gun. I don't know. Call it what you will. I don't

know why, but I seem to hit when I'm aiming it with that gun. If I miss a target once or twice, I break out that one, and I seem to hit it all the time. It just fits me. This is the DeWalt 12-gauge. This was my idea. I think I may have seen one on the internet like this.

So they really DeWalt-branded this 12-gauge up big time. Nice. That's so cool. I have a hard time picking a favorite. I like that one a lot. I like the chrome one a lot. I like the FN2000 a lot. I like the ACR.

It's nice. They look really cool. What kind of shotgun is that, Kyle? It's an MKA 1919 semi-automatic magazine fed. I don't think you can get these magazines on the market anywhere. I had these custom made and machined from aluminum.

You know. I custom order at BK. You could pick up a lot of karma on Gun It for those. Just saying. Yeah, I may do that. But yeah, that one's I'm going to load that one it was slugs i think because it's got that cool optic that that's the same color and everything yeah i thought they did a a decent job i had a dispute with the coding company for like two years uh and we finally like sorted it all out took forever i think they've still got some of my

shit i had to get lawyers involved it was a a whole thing. So fuck them. You know, if those people are listening, fuck you. You know, but did a good job and they got them back. I am. I guess you can't say otherwise you would have. Buster was the company's name. But what was the core of the dispute? Can you say it? Um, they changed it.

I think part of it was that we had a miscommunication. I was dealing with the father that owned the business and the son that owned the business. And the idea was that they would coat. I don't remember how many guns there were initially that I sent off, but it was like you coat all these guns. And then I make one video on my second channel of these guns. Just like, hey, look at these guns. I shoot each of them and talk about that. They got coated by these guys. And and that was the deal and then they changed their mind at some point they're like oh like halfway through they do like four or five guns send them back and they're like all right so make some videos of those guns and and then we'll move forward and i'm like no no no there's one video it's all the guns hurry up and finish my guns and get them back and uh and then just started a long legal dispute where they were threatening to sell the guns to make up their cost and just going

back and forth with thousands of dollars back and forth. And finally I feel like I got a good deal out of it because they were quite rusty when I sent them off. They did need a lot of work. I don't like all the work they did. I like these ones in particular. These are the ones I got back today. Oh, and I got one more. My suitcase gun. I got it, I got it done. And, uh, it's got a whole

huge design on the side of like a Spartan helmet. It's pretty neat. Yeah. Sometimes I feel like companies don't appreciate how important like creative control is, you know, they, before I made YouTube videos and I'm going to act like I'm some sort of, you know, before i made youtube videos and i'm gonna act like i'm some sort of you know prima donna creator but before i made videos like it was like all creative control oh my god you know would you relax on that etc but then it's like no no you don't understand like subs turn on you uh you're just not proud of what you're doing like like this is every like you really have to own what you're up to they can't just be like alright now we're going to make your channel

devoted to pimping my shit like no no no no unacceptable unacceptable I can do that one time and if you do it two times it changes from hey like check out a cool thing that I know about

to like you know watch me sell out for this event yeah it needed to be something organic and it makes sense like I I it's you know if you coat 15 of my guns or whatever it is I want to show them off you know and I still will show them off I just won't in any way advertise those people because they they didn't do a good job for one thing on some of the guns. Not just aesthetically, but mechanically. Oh, I remember you got some back, and it didn't... Yeah, my Desert Eagle doesn't cycle because they coated some of the internals, and now they have this coating on them.

It doesn't work now. So I'll have to have someone else, a real gunsmith and coder, go back and fix my.50 cal Desert Eagle. Polish it or something, yeah. I don't really know. Are they supposed to be doing anything other than just designing it? Yeah, they needed some refurbishing. They had gotten rusty

in a wet basement. And so they all needed like a de-rusting, de-coating, and then a re-coating. And that's what those people do. So it seemed like a real win-win. And it turned out that way. Well, those ones look really good. Yeah, these ones in particular are excellent, I think.

I wonder if they're getting better as a company. Are they getting more experience? If they coded the wrong parts on the Deagle that made it not cycle, then maybe they don't have much Deagle experience. Now they have some more. I don't know anything about Desert Eagle, but it seems like that would just be like a handgun knowledge thing more than a

specific Desert Eagle thing right Kyle is that wrong? I would think so I'm not even exactly sure which part they coded on the I don't recall right now oh it's the feed ramp yeah yeah I got they coded the feed ramp on the Desert Eagle and I think that that is preventing the bullets

from being you know being guided into the chamber. They stick on it. The feed ramp is the transitional thing between the top of the magazine holding the ammunition and the chamber of the weapon that's right behind the barrel. So it's sort of a ramp that the bullet rides along to get in there. And Desert Eagles are kind of notorious for having magazines get a little floppy and not want to get the ammunition pointed in the right direction. Could be a little bit of that too,

but definitely a problem that wasn't there until they worked on it. Whatever, fuck them. Got my guns back. Some of them. Some of them. Do you still have to make the video? No, no, fuck them. Make it out like a bandit.

I paid them. I gave them money to get my shit back. And we called it Square. But I gave them far less money than it would have originally cost to get the guns coated and fixed, and far less than the guns are worth by a long fucking shot. This gun right here,

the rifle on the inside was... Shit. It might have been $2,000 just, the rifle on the inside was... Yeah. Shit. It might have been 2000 just for the rifle, I think. I hope I'm not getting that wrong because it's been five years since I bought that rifle. It's a national match M1A1. Was it used in World War II, that kind of rifle, the M1?

No, that's the grand. kind of rifle the m1 no that's it that that that's the grand that's the one with that uh that you know the the clips where you you push them in and carefully don't cut your thumb off and it makes when it's done right um this is an m14 this is sort of the the box mag stick they're this they're analogous it's it's two different companies making them that but the m1a1 here um was like two grand I think and then the chassis it stuck in I think is another grand but then this is like my special edition chrome chassis so it's like

another 900 or something so I was happy to spend what I spent and get my shit back I mean that ACR was 2300 I think the F2000 is a $2000 gun you know all of that stuff it's just the suitcase gun is $6000 you gun um you know all that stuff it's just the suitcase gun is six thousand dollars you know it's just it was expensive shit that i wanted back

well yeah it's a lot of money in firearms yeah isn't it did they do a good job on the suitcase gun yeah let me grab the suitcase gun because it's so fucking cool they it's actually the more impressive of them but i'll have to assemble it which will take 30 seconds yeah i have full confidence that kyle knows how to assemble every gun in there like he's got like ar-15s and ak-47s by the living room couch and he like mindlessly assembles and de-assembles weapons while watching television like that's everybody needs a hobby yeah yeah i got into it too like there was a time that i i could do either one the ak or the the area 15 like you just brushed it apart i don't know if i could do it right now but you spend a few days at kyle's house an easier one to break down i feel like i've watched videos of people doing it and i was surprised at like really that's it

like that's all the parts like it didn't seem as much as, I don't know, I'm realizing right now I haven't watched enough taking apart gun videos to know how many parts there should be. I want to say that I don't know that one was that much harder than the other. The thing about the AK is that it has a spring in there that's usually real oily and stuff, so it's

easy to get that particular stripe tattoo on whatever. You grab a spring to get that like particular stripe tattoo on like whatever, like you grab a spring and you're like, yeah, that happens. Yeah. Like you get it on your jeans. Like,

well, fuck that. That's where I touched myself with that stupid spring. But, um, yeah, anyway, so I'm sure Kyle will put this gun back together.

Just fine. It won't be an issue. Well, that sucks. He had to deal with so much shit at first, but now that it all worked out, it seems like he won that transaction. These are some super

cool guns. They have more guns than his, maybe. So it's in a pelican. Kyle's walked over with a pelican case. I don't think that whole thing will turn into a gun. It will. No, it's not going to transform itself into a gun. There's a gun. It will. No, it's not going to

transform itself into a gun. There's a gun inside the box. Robert Downey Jr. is in there. He'll come out. There is a gun in this suitcase. Suitcase gun. Now I'm going to watch him assemble it.

Beautiful firearm. Keep going, Taylor. We're all engaged. Well, I can't. I have to see more of it before I can delight our listeners with details. He's closed the suitcase. Suitcase closed. Oh, it's a great snap.

It's a great snap sound. Everybody likes sounds like that. It's like one of those ASMR ridiculous watch people eat cereal and breathe videos. That's you. Build con. 60 minutes of me clanging my fork on my teeth while I eat pasta. Four minute loop of me clipping my fingernails.

I talked him up for so long about being an expert in gun assembly. Oh with this thing? I've put this thing about being an expert in gun assembly. Oh, with this thing? I've put this thing together like six times in my life. This is a little bit different. That one needs some time next to the television. Well, the evil dictator is waving at the crowd in his limo and quickly making his way to safety. So you quickly need to get this assembled.

It's going to take me a minute. All right. Well, then thousands will die of starvation in their horrible hellhole. So Kyle's the good guy in your scenario? Yeah. He's the spy who got into the evil despot's vicinity, and he's preparing to assassinate him.

What other purpose could this be for if not some sort of tactical tool? Well, you could assassinate good people if you're a bad guy. You could, but I'm giving Kyle the benefit of the doubt here. He is wearing a Blackhawks jersey, so I don't have a lot of faith. I am

starting to believe he's doing this gun right, though. It's starting to look very rifle-ish. It's got all the telltale signs of a gun. When he said it was a suitcase rifle, I thought it was going to fold up into the shape of a suitcase. Oh. Like the flashlight rifle that we've seen.

Let's see this Spartan design. Ooh. Oh, that's cool. I like that. Oh. Yeah. And then it's cool. I like that. Ah. And then it completes the whole thing with the magazine. You get a Spartan helmet there.

And on the other side, on the reverse, it says, uh, Molon Labe. What does that mean? Ah, come and take them. Come and take them. Come and take them. So. That's pretty awesome. I'm pretty happy with that as well.

What's that gun called? Yeah. Fuck, I don't know. What is this? A Paratus. It's a Paratus. I can't recall right at the moment. I don't know.

That's okay. I don't get asked a lot. Let's say it's a Paratus something or another. Ah, DRD. Yeah, real catchy. Forgot that part. Paratus DRD. Paratus DERD.

Yeah. Yeah. Those are really neat. I want to get a cool designed gun like that someday. I want to get the Desert Eagle with the cool pistol kit from Modern Warfare Remastered, where it's all etched and engraved, looking like a Venezuelan dictator's handgun. Is that the hardened edition or the premium edition that comes with a Deagle?

No, it's the one you have to roll your goodie box and hope that you get or buy a lot of cp and then exchange it on the black market for for this cool camo but you know what i'm talking about kyle you have you've seen that one right with all the commander desert eagle when you get to level 55 that's pretty pimp with the pearl grips and everything more detailed than that like it's got all the engraved like it really does look like like fidelidel Castro's pistol. Very gaudy. Yeah, it's one of the pistol kits. Actually, I think I got a pistol kit that I never even applied.

I'm liking all the MWR added stuff. That's why I wanted to show those off when we were talking about gun camos. Let me do an ad read here. It seems like a good time. I think I'll tell everyone about Audible. This episode of PKA is being brought to you by Audible. Audible is a leading provider of premium digital spoken audio information and entertainment on the Internet.

Audible's content includes an unmatched selection of audiobooks, original audio shows, news, comedy, and more. From the leading audiobook publishers, broadcasters, entertainers, magazines, and newspaper publishers, as well as business information providers. broadcasters, entertainers, magazines, and newspaper publishers, as well as business information providers. You can download and listen anywhere on your iOS device, Android, Kindle, Fire, Windows Phone, and over 500 other MP3 players. Are you still a fan of reading off your Kindle, but reading while driving to work is just too bumpy for you? No problem. Whisper Sync for Voice lets you switch back and forth between reading the book on Kindle or Kindle App and listen to the audiobook without ever losing your place or missing a word.

It works with your iPhone, Android, and Kindle Fire like I said before. Audible is offering our listeners a free audio book of their choice and a free 30 day trial membership. Just go to audible.com slash pka and browse the unmatched selection of audio programs. Download a title free and start listening. It's that easy. Go to audible.com slash pka. That's audible.com slash pka.

Now, Chiz has suggested here that we check out Trevor Noah's hot bestseller, Born a Crime. I am instead. That's great. I think Chiz is fucking with Kyle. We're going to test your DNA, Chiz is fucking with Kyle We're gonna test your DNA Chiz and we'll see if you even Get to stay you curly Haired motherfucker I suspect you're a mud

Blood anyway Trump ain't gonna have that I don't think so I got my DNA Test the other day we're gonna find out make sure I'm pure did you really do a DNA test Yeah yeah I'm gonna have to do something To myself if I come back you know a little Miscegenation. A little Irish.

So maybe you suggest the art of the deal to counter Chiz's suggestion? No, I will suggest the Cimmerillion, which is what I bought the other day with my Audible. I thought it would be fun. It is the more boring Lord of the Rings. It's all the backstory and all the minutia.

We'll figure out why they got nine rods and eight wizards and six rings and all that shit. I wanted the Cimmerillion, so it was either last night or the night before when I went ahead and just did it. You've got to really, really give a fuck about the Lord of the Rings. I do.

I know you do do which is why i think you'll like because there are times when i listened to it or i didn't listen to i read it where i'd you know you know how you mindlessly read sometimes and you realize a couple paragraphs down you're like i don't really i didn't absorb much of that like that's so much of this book because it's uh it's like a fever dream of of jr tolkien living in this world it's like, yeah, and then what really happened was the gods came down in the Valar, and they did this and that, but oh, wait, wait, wait, no, no, real quick, this other thing, this other crazy thing that happened, and then you're just down this road into his rabbit hole of minds.

He got so obsessed with Lord of the Rings world that his family was at the time being like, dude, you're living in Middle Earth. All you're doing is writing things in this elvish language that you meticulously invented and talking about fantasy dragons like you we need you to come outside mr tolkien and he's like what that's what you read lord of the rings go no i just watched the movie a whole bunch of times okay okay yeah yeah i've never read the books yeah yeah i've read the books. Yeah, I've read the books. That's one series where the movies are better. Yeah, probably.

The books sucked. They're so overrated. Taylor's going to kill me. The story is great. It's 100% carried by how good the story is. But if you actually drill down into the writing itself, you realize this guy is clearly indulging himself in all the areas that are tremendously interesting to him where it's like okay we're gonna spend a lot of time here talking about tom bombadil in this forest you know before we even make it um

you know anywhere in this story and you could tell it's like he really like that didn't come into play later in the book tom bombadil didn't pop in later and go ho ho everyone i'm here to save the day i'm basically a superhero like no he just stopped in at tom bombadil's house he gave him some soup and stuff on your way hobbits and that is like why did we stop here like you just wanted to write about tom bombadil this this maniac who lives out in the woods but i can't speak to the woods with the animals that was uh the brown? Radagast the brown is the very eccentric woodlands wizard.

So, if you're... The point at hand here is that you go to audible.com slash pka and the Cimmerillion would be a good one to start with if you're a big Lord of the Rings fan like we are around here. Get all the nitty gritty details. Lord of the Rings and give it are around here. Get all the nitty gritty details.

And, you know, give it a go. I bet listening to it is better than reading it. It definitely is. It will strongly depend on the reader. So we shall see. If Roy DeTrees read that shit, I'd listen to it twice. But we'll see.

I love Roy DeTrees. What do you love about Roy DeTrees? I love Roy Detrees what do you love about Roy Detrees I love his many voices for each and every character Harold I like that I like that he can do that many

voices and I think it's impressive world record that he like they're consistent you know 73 hours ago I think it's impressive that they're consistent. They are consistent. If 73 hours ago he voiced a character like that, and now we're coming back to him, you're like, oh, I know that guy's voice. That's this guy.

And I'm so terrible with names, I almost know their voices better than I know their names. The two of them combine to create an identity for me in my head. On the other hand, he is so old that all he really does is old white guy voices. Because he's an old white guy. Have you seen the cast of Lord of the Rings? Come on, there's a lot of old white guys in there. I just feel like he lacks a certain vibrancy that I want in my readers.

I beg to differ. I like – because I like the Planet Earth guy. What's his name? Sir David Attenborough. David Attenborough. I love David Attenborough. I heard that BBC is doing their best to get Planet Earth 3 out there before Attenborough dies. They want him on that.

Planet Earth 2 should be debuting for us Americans sometime in January. You guys have probably seen clips of it on Reddit. Like the lizard chase, which is just amazing. It's like a... It's animals, but it plays out like a Hollywood screenplay. It's so like

the snakes wrap him up and the music goes... Everybody's just like, oh, they they got him and then he's like I've only seen it in GIF I would love to watch it no it sounds so much better than the video only version I've seen I can't wait for Planet Earth 2

those are such cool series I don't think David Attenborough does that does he? yes he does. It's 4K, right? He does. Planet Earth 1?

4K, 8K. He's gotten really far in the commentary business for someone with whistly S's. Usually a whistly S. If I'm thinking of the right thing, Planet Earth was one of the first things Netflix got in 4K. So if you get 4K something, you watch that and you can show off your TV. And it holds up really well. Oh, he found it. I'm going to queue it up.

This is going to be great. I still watch Planet Earth probably once a year just because it's awesome. I love it. As soon as it's available, I'm going to purchase Planet Earth 2 on Blu-ray so I can watch it in all of its 4K magnificence with my peasant internet. Ready? Yes. Ready, set, go.

I'm good to go. All right. For listeners, we're going to have to give you the play-by-play. Go ahead. All right. There's a lizard looking around dubiously. You know, he knows there's trouble about. We're getting some shots of snakes. They've sensed the lizard. They know what's happening.

The snake's eyes aren't very good. Tasting the ground with those slippery tongues. The snake's right next to it. Lizard hasn't caught on yet. Oh, now you get a pupil shot. The lizard is aware. He is aware of its presence. Yeah, so the deal is that the snake senses movement like the T-Rex from Jurassic Park.

So as long as the lizard holds his nerve, there won't be any trouble. Yes, the lizard is doing its best to hold its nerve. The snake is slithering by in the other direction like that blind guy in that spooky movie. Yeah. Just got to be quiet. Uh-oh, he must have burped or something, because it's got something. There's one coming right at the lizard. He's got a lead.

He touched him. He's right on top of him. Run! And he is running. As soon as the lizard starts running, it's revealed that there are dozens of these snakes everywhere in the area, and they are all running after him. There's a panning shot here that I don't even know how they got,

because they're so far away, and this lizard is hauling so much ass. He's on two wheels. And Kyle is not exaggerating when he says dozens of snakes. It's literally dozens. They got him. So the snakes are wrapping him up. Four snakes have him. They're wrapping him up, but he's like the bulldozer in King of the Hill

just trudging through it. The bulldozer. And he's loose. He's loose. He's broken free from the crowd like a running back at the Rose Bowl. And he's running for the rocks, but they're still after him like eight of them. And this is the best part coming up. He's scaling the rocks as they

hiss and strike at his butt. And it's not like... Yeah, jumping from rock to rock, and the way the snake's chasing, it's almost like a video game of Skyrim, where they don't all come from the same nest. It's like, as you run by, all those, you know,

droogers or whatever in the bottom, like, they're coming from new entrances. Like, they keep popping out. Man, if the snakes had any ability to organize, they would have had that lizard for dinner. They had every advantage. They had the angle on them, too. That's how fat linebackers catch running backs,

but they didn't get it done. Yeah, you know, they played... I was so happy for that lizard. They hunted the way that, like, third-grade girls play soccer. They run to where the ball is instead of where it's going to be. So it's just like a, you know, horde of children chasing. How are they gonna eat him? Like, because snakes don't take bites, you know what I mean?

Like, I suspect that that lizard was never in any real danger, and this is the BBC just putting on some good entertainment for us. If you think about it, but what do they do then? They constrict it to death, because it looks like they're constrictors, right? And then if they couldn't eat it, they'd just die or one of them would eat it and they would bust out. I don't think any of them could eat it. I don't think any of them could even swallow it. But that's really cool. Have you ever seen those pictures of snakes who eat something too big?

And like the crocodile. There was one where a crocodile got eaten. And then it just showed punctures from all the crocodile legs that got out, and both of them just died. They both died, yeah. I saw where Big Constrictor ate a porcupine, and the needles, whatever you call them, are sticking all the way through, just out of it,

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Interpol, known to the United States authorities on a no-fly list. I mean, he couldn't have even flown into our country. But under Hillary's plan, he'd be welcome. Absolutely. He was a Tunisian national who had spent time in an Italian jail where it's believed

he was radicalized because previously he drank alcohol, didn't pray, any of that, despite his brother and his father. They did do those things. It's believed that he was radicalized in this Tunisian, in this Italian prison. He didn't get into that Italian prison for being a nice guy, though. This is an armed, robbing, bad guy, always. He's just found a new team to play for in ISIS. For a long time, he was trying to contact ISIS and get them to get him into the fight in Iraq and Syria. They couldn't get him there. Authorities know this, and they knew this beforehand.

They had arrested this man and tried to deport him back to his home country of Tunisia. The thing that most of the world doesn't know, though, is that Tunisia has a huge problem with their citizens going into the fight in Iraq and Syria, joining the Islamic State, and then oftentimes wanting to come back. So they're dealing with lots of immigration issues with that and so when the germans call them and say that we've got a isis collaborating tunisian man here that we want to send back to you they're like um sorry germany your documents aren't quite in order you can't really prove he was a tunisian man can you not with as they stack the papers with these so come back and try again later so this is what the

germans do they don't have cause to lock him up and incarcerate him because he hasn't done anything despite the fact that he has been talking about wanting to commit terror acts he's been in contact with isis and isis supporters he has tried to acquire a firearm he has tried to illegally uh immigrate to italy from germany despite all, they can't send him back to Tunisia, so they turn him loose. Put him in GIMO. There you go. They just turned him loose?

They turned him loose. No trials required. You don't have to be guilty of anything. Carry on. He gets himself a firearm. He hijacks a truck. He kills the poor Polish driver who was driving the truck. It's not known whether he killed him immediately that day

or he killed him just previous to him crashing the vehicle. I saw there's some more video out there of the truck driving through. It's from a dash cam video and it's off to the side. So you really just get a big black rectangle driving into somewhere it shouldn't go. And that's the whole video. So it's really not even worth watching but international manhunt now because of course Germany is like the size of a couple of our states so he could easily be in Poland he could be anywhere in

Europe right now and it seems like earlier in the week another interesting thing because I was talking to Chiz about this and he's like well they let a million in and they got one bad apple and I was like they had 200 anti-terror raids the week before this guy did this thing. That's how many fucking locations there are. Was he a Syrian refugee?

Like, how did he get into, did you tell us already? He was a Tunisian national who had immigrated from Italy to Germany. So that's his background. He's a Tunisian citizen. He had done jail time in Italy and he was in Germany. So that's his background. He's a Tunisian citizen. He had done jail time in Italy, and he was in Germany. The Germans tried, like I said, to deport him back to his home country, but failed in doing so. That's a really fucking situation. They really dropped the ball, if you look at it. And it's very similar in a way. Of course,

as Americans, we always want to be like, ha ha, that wouldn't happen here. Look, the Boston bombings thing is almost the same thing, right? Wait, those weren't Americans? The Tsarnaev brothers? Yeah. They were Ukrainian, weren't they? They're virtually the same thing. Because they had traveled overseas.

They had trained in terror camps. They had come back over. One of them had killed several homosexual men, had cut their throats, and he had been investigated for those crimes. They were on all kinds of lists. They were being watched. The older one had been interviewed by the FBI, and yet these are the guys who then carry out this. Kyrgyzstan, okay. These are the guys who then go out and perpetrate that terror attack.

and perpetrate that terror attack. The biggest difference that I see in all of this between the United States and the Boston bombing and Germany and this terrible thing at Christmas is that we have so many closed-circuit television cameras here. We are wired up here. And the Germans, because of the Nazis, and we don't want the government to have too much power, don't do that.

They have a lot of privacy concerns I'm all for privacy we all are here we usually seem to lean more toward let's protect privacy rights then we are let's get some overreaching power by that looks at everything and finds the baddies you know but this is a case where if the Germans did have as many cameras as there are saying a Boston I that we have more footage of this guy and maybe more clues as to which direction he took, what he was wearing.

Do you feel like we have that many government cameras? I feel like a lot of times the cameras, like every business has surveillance cameras, and that's where they get it from. They say, all right, you know, Quickie Mart, can we look at your footage? It seems like your camera was pointed that way. Traffic cams that sort of thing i think there's a big mix of like what what they're pulling that data from there's certainly government cameras there's certainly in the uk state government is there's

a ton of government cameras like if it's london for example like the whole thing is just coded with cameras in new york there is too though i think it's more just urban areas like that because i know or i'm pretty sure someone will comment if i'm wrong but i i think that they put a lot of cameras up in new york just so they could always have like i think there's an angle to see every part of downtown new york i think but who knows that might probably be expensive but it seems like it makes sense i uh in regard to this i the uh the whole witch hunting of this stuff the uh a lot of opie and anthony fans this is from like one of the uh terror i'll wait till kyle gets his fucking headset back on there he is with his fucking dog so uh the opie and anthony

he is with his fucking dog so uh the opie and anthony fans when all of like you know those sheets that'll show like all the most wanted terrorists and whatnot and where they'll say like this is the person suspected of doing x y and z they posted so many pictures i just if you just click that one of the guys name was antoine kumia and they put tons of pictures of anthonyia, who looks, he's like Sicilian, so he looks a little Middle Eastern, and it's just pictures of all these real terrorists, and that Anthony Cumia as Antoine Cumia. And of course, he's a gunman, so it's easy to find a picture of him with a machine gun. Yeah. These are all Anthony Cumia. Yeah. Yeah.

If you look up Antoine Cumiaumia it comes all that goes up is anthony kumia and there's and one of the pictures there is a picture of him with a covering on his head talking into a microphone with a hookah stick yeah he is i just got a giggle out of that yeah he put enough content out there that it's easy to really make him look like a terror suspect he better hope he never gets caught in the middle of some kind of doings and they fucking biometric scan him real quick and get those results.

I'll lay that out real well. By the way, the Boston bomber, like Taylor said, he was from Kyrgyzstan but it looks like he was an American citizen as well. Yeah, he was. Yeah, he was. But like I said, they had killed those gay guys. but it looks like he was an American citizen as well. Yeah, he was. Yeah, he was. Yeah, that does. But like I said, they had killed those gay guys.

The older brother had killed a couple of gay guys, slit their throats, and he had been investigated by the FBI. And he was also on their radar because he traveled out of the country and went to that fucking terror camp where they trained him how to make the bombs. You know?

But I don't want to offend anybody. Ah, you see that youtuber who faked the whole that the whole thing was fake yeah was it confirmed i know that he had faked a lot of other things it was confirmed that it was that he had faked other uh he made the front page of red events on airplanes i can't believe that he did like if you're gonna do a really in bad taste prank like that if you get away with it once Like, if you're gonna do a really in-bad-taste prank like that, if you get away with it once, you'd think you're like,

phew, okay, not gonna double-dip there. That's risky, especially since I'm leaving these videos on my channel and no one's gonna buy that this happens. Man, just no matter what airline happens, every time I go on... They did buy it, though. That was a huge win for him.

See, he doesn't need you to believe his lie for all time. He didn't give a fuck. He needs the fucking network news coverage that he got all from left-leaning media sources. I didn't see his ass on Fox News. You know, his Twitter blew up, got 60,000 followers. His YouTube blew up, got like 30,000 subs. Let's not say, right? I want to see his social blade stats.

Yeah, I don't. I'll be able to look it up. I want to see his social blade stats. Yeah, I don't. I'll be able to look it up. Yeah, but he basically went on an airline and started scaring people on purpose by saying things and shouting things he shouldn't. He has a video where he does a countdown on an airplane. He starts fucking 10, 9, 8, 7. And he's an Arabic guy.

He speaks in Arabic. And it's all meant to be inflammatory and scare the people around him. In this case, we don't know exactly what he did. But 20 passengers around him all stood up and said either he goes or we go. And you don't just get that on a random flight, okay? Like, it's a fucking plane full of people. This is not, it's not like we were at a jockey lot. It's not like we were at the flea market.

We weren't at the cattle sale. This was not the rodeo. 20 regular people on an airplane stood up and said he goes or we go and it was because he did some inflammatory stuff to get attention and he won for it nobody it's not even who you are as much as nobody likes being on a plane or feels necessarily safe on a plane with someone who's acting erratically and even if not erratically in a dangerous way very uncomfortable and annoying and intentionally incendiary like how in god's like the amount of douchery to put on the veil

of muslim victimhood while you're going out there actively prodding and poking at people nobody who's not already on your side is going to join your side and all you're going to do is take people who were on the fence about events they see like this in the news and make them go oh well now i have a nice little rationale for when the first or when the next real thing happens like this and i'll just say oh it's probably overblown like you're just you want another one you want another one that helps you do the exact same thing do you remember a while back when someone sprayed spray painted trump 2016 on that black church and then burn it down that was a black that was a black man false flag operation he burnt down that thing and spray painted that shit so yeah every time you hear something like that you gotta take it well salted

because there's always gonna be people out there who are faking and trying to make something look worse just like you know back in the day when we were talking about people at the Trump rallies who would do these disgusting things. And then you'd find out, well, shit, that guy was, he came in on a Hillary bus. He bussed in here from Des Moines to make a scene. That's the same guy. They put the pictures.

This guy is in two rallies across the country. He is traveling the country trying to start trouble at Trump rallies. He's got a business card that says professional bird dogger or whatever it's called. Isn't that bird dogging? Where you try and start shit? You try and push buttons to get something going. Maybe I'm wrong.

I don't know what that's called necessarily. I don't know. I looked up this guy's channel and it looks like he took the video down, or I found the wrong channel. I mean, there's a whole bunch of pranks. He's the guy, et cetera. Does he have a countdown, like countdown on an airplane or something like that? Because I noticed that whenever I –

He doesn't have any videos until three months ago. Oh. Does he have 2 million or more subs? 1.7. Right? Didn't he have two million subs? That's what CNN said, but they probably rounded out. They're not known for their accurate

reporting. A little inflation here and there. He's got two million subscribers and Hillary Clinton's got 290 electoral votes. Never mind. The same guy has a vlog channel and that one has 2 million subs.

And here it is, kicked off the plane for speaking Arabic. He has more than one channel. I found the right one now. And... Duh. Oh, let me look up... That's just... That's such a shitty thing to do.

Y'all, he loud. So that guy's just a fake newsman. Fuck. So what I wanted to do is say... A propagandist. Like, now that he's been outed, everything's crashing for him. He's doing poorly, like, et cetera. Like, oh, now that everyone knows this was a fake story, he's coming...

No, bro. He just pranked CNN. They love it. Dude. Okay. I guess that's the take. He gained 40,000 subs yesterday. He gained 50,000 subs today. His other channel, the wrong one that I found, growing at 9,000 subs a day each day. Those are good numbers, right? Even the shining stars of YouTube growing at 9,000 on a second channel and 50,000 on a main channel is an amazing day. I don't know.

Does PewDiePie grow at 50 grand a day? God knows. At 50 million. If he doesn't, then that – you know what I mean? Yeah. He has to. I bet he grows so fast. You only got 80,000 subs today, PewDiePie?

What's happening? It's just a little bit of a slower day today. Wow. PewDiePie? What's happening? I had just a little bit of a slower day today. Wow. PewDiePie didn't scream at Slenderman. On a slow day, he'll pick up 31,000. But I'm just looking, like, if I were to grab an average number out of this,

over 100,000 subs a day. That is bananas. That is bananas. Yeah, that is so good i i well that sucks that someone can do something like this have it proven immediately almost that it is a fraud and then have them get success from it he must have known he knows he's done this in the past he knows that he's invulnerable when he does this kind of shit, in a way. Because if something would have come of it,

it would have come of it during that Countdown video, right? He'll get banned from fucking Delta. He won't be on there anymore. Yo, I got Donald Trump here. That's funny. He needs to be on a no-fly list. Oh, I like that. Yeah, because really, this guy's done multiple plane pranks you know this is a guy he is endangering the safety of his fellow passengers he hasn't

literally screamed bomb on a plane but like he counts down from 10 he calls his truck he should be on a no-fly list that really belongs on one he does yeah he's taking like nobody like all those other people on the plane didn't get up that morning and go i'm gonna go make a big scene on public transport for laughs. It's not the time either. Those people all have shit to do. It's the day after the terror attack, too. It's the

worst possible time. Or if you're him, it's the best possible time. It's a very calculated move he made. It's very smart on his part. It's a real business savvy, tech savvy, internet savvy thing he's done. It's just a bit despicable for those on the outside looking in.

He knows that in a lot of ways he's impervious to this because he's a member of a victim class and nobody will call him on it the same way they would if he was white. You know what? Vitaly Z's done all kinds of real borderline stuff. I met Vitaly and hung out with him a good bit when I was in California but whatever. He gets you know, whatever.

He gets away with it, too. You know, he went streaking at the World Cup. God knows how many people that was that he offended in some way or another, you know? That's true, but that's definitely a way different thing. He does the Russian hitman video. I think, I don't know. Joking running around naked is definitely different

than joking that you are an imminent threat to everyone around you. He does that too. He goes to bus stops. He takes a briefcase. He says, what do you say, TN6, life or death, you decide. There's something like that. He makes it seem like, yeah, we watched that.

You watched that. I hated that because it was really – I thought that was shitty. Yeah, I don't know what to think about prank videos anymore. I thought that was shitty. Yeah, I don't know what to think about prank videos anymore. I think that the people who really vehemently hate them, you've got to take into account that a lot of these are set up, and you shouldn't think that that's a terrible thing.

You're watching a performance now. You never got to the end of an episode in Seinfeld and looked at the guy laughing, but you know it ain't none of that real. But Seinfeld didn't pretend to be real either. This is more like a reality show. But it's about the entertainment. Yeah, you're right. He's pretending like it's real. So maybe it's more analogous

to like pro-wrestling or something. You should just know going in that most of this probably isn't real, especially the more fantastic things. Like, I don't know, there's one where the cop stops him. He's like, who who are you he's like russian hitman he's like i'm russian hitman he's like i'm gonna get in the car he's like russian hitman has things to do he's not getting in the car and he's got a briefcase see like cuff to his hand you know he's like russian i got this is my boss's briefcase no you, you can't have it. It's pretty good.

It's pretty entertaining. And you start sweating a little. Am I being detained shit? What's to stop the cop from saying, yes, I've decided to detain you? On what grounds? Because I don't know the next question. Well, I think I would need to know on what grounds. And my mindset in that thing is, okay, when we get to court, whether it's

criminal or civil, this is going to be a big part of my argument about why you're holding me here right now and my lawyer is going to be arguing as to whether or not you had probable cause to suspect that of me. So you need to tell me right now why it is you're holding me here. If you're holding me here, and if so, why? Because

that's what will be argued later. What's going to be the point at hand is, why did you hold him, and what reason did you have to think that thing that you say? Because if he says, oh, he was in a suspicious manner, then my lawyer is going to start talking about, would you – so any white man standing on that street would have looked suspicious? Well, he had a briefcase. You've never seen a man with a briefcase before? Well, he had a suit on, too. You're not helping your case very much, officer, so

any man with a briefcase and suit was likely to be detained on that alleyway? Well, let me clarify. He said, I'm a Russian hitman, and this suitcase that was handcuffed to my arm, as most businessmen are not one to do, belongs to my

senior officer, or whatever. I'm talking about what I would say. Like, I'm not going to be saying I'm Russian Hitman and, like, nothing's going to be handcuffed to me. Like, you can check all my shit, officer. Like, come on, you'll like it. I'm just a regular hockey fan, you know? I like all the black feet.

I'm glad Kyle answered that. On what grounds? Because I really didn't know what the next step was. I don't know if my answer is the appropriate gun guy, litigious, informed guy's answer. But it would be my next step. I was watching a motorcycle vlog, right? And you have to be... Okay, first of all, profiling these motorcyclists. They're on pretty much dirt bikes, except that they're barely street legal.

They have some, like, token turn signals. The license plate is behind the back wheel, not above the back wheel, like you might think. Like, literally through the center line, covered with mud, mounted vertically on the in... No, no, I think you're still thinking behind the wheel think of in front of the back wheel towards the middle of the bike even with the middle right but mounted vertically there with mud all over it right so apparently this in this state it doesn't tell you how to mount the license plate so they're like well i guess we put it on the inside of the bike you know up against the rear fender covered with mud and And you have to have a mirror to see behind you.

And the mirror is like folded down in a way that like you couldn't possibly use it. So this is a dirt bike with some token enhancements to make it street worthy. These guys are known for tearing around the neighborhoods, doing wheelies and driving like idiots. And that's the thing. Okay. So they weren't being idiots at the time. They were just pulled over,

like checking their equipment, making, I don't know what they were doing. And a cop like walks up to him and starts asking him like, hey, legal, he didn't see any license plates. So he was checking on that. He wanted to make sure that the bikes weren't stolen. They're a common theft item.

And I'm thinking to myself like, where's the, am I being detained? Like, and can he just say yes? Like what's the next step on this? Because the cop is, they weren't caught red handed. And look, I've watched their videos, they're guilty as fuck all the time. But they weren't guilty at that moment,

so shouldn't they just be able to say, you know what, you got nothing to talk about here. I didn't do shit,'m gone like can you just drive away am i being detained no no i just want to talk to you about this and just go i guess that's what you do if he says if he if he says no then okay officer we'll have a nice day and you leave you know there's nothing to be said after that um you know but then there's a lot of protocol surrounding traffic stops you know and that sort of thing a lot of that do not detain stuff i see used at like border crossing where

they'll try to id you as an american like let's see your id make sure you're fucking american it's like nah i'm in texas motherfucker like i'm me you ain't got no business asking who i am who are you you know yeah that's the thing like in america currently there are no like show me your papers like tight you know what we think of as like a stop papers yeah papers please like that's not a thing you know you just like you can't just stop me and ask me um but yeah i was wondering like if a cop pulls you over because he doesn't like what he sees you just drive away am i being detained you know and i'm like what happens if he says yes i there's some stuff that surrounds a traffic stop and

they're allowed yeah they're allowed to lie to you and say like like no you can't leave yet and then what are you gonna do no i'm gonna risk it and then if they do come and like you can't like they can just they can mislead you and say like oh you need to wait right here i don't have anywhere to go that's more important than keeping the officer in my relationship calm cordial and happy all right if he wants to hang out we'll hang out hey we're on your time motherfucker what you got to do today i'm going to chipotle it's a dice roll to be like i think you're fibbing i don't know if I can lie about that. Like, they can lie about whether or not you're being detained.

I feel like they can lie and say something like, even if they're not detaining you, they can be like, you need to wait right here. And then they can go do everything they were going to do, run all your numbers, run all your papers. Right, right. Because they can pull you over for doing nothing and be like, license, registration. And then you can't just say, why? Because I'm a cop. Give it to me. You have to give it to them. I don't think that's true.

They need a good reason for pulling you over. They can make one up. I got pulled over a couple years ago. A couple years ago when the guy goes, yeah, your headlight's out, and I was under an overpass on the way home from work, and he pulled up behind me. It was raining really hard. He just came up and was like, oh, I pulled you over because your

headlights out because I knew I wasn't speeding. I was going slower because it was raining hard. At the end of it, I was driving. He didn't give me a ticket and I was just like, this is weird. I can't see where the light isn't. Maybe my one headlight's just doing a bang up job up there. No, I got home and I

really tried to fiddle fuck around with my headlights i'm like no this was this is 100 fine he was just lying he was just like i'm above the law like that's when you want to that's when you if you like you know that's when you get your cell phone out and like why are you pull me over officer i don't understand your headlights out and he's like could we get out and inspect the headlight please and you get out and show the headlights working why did you pull me over, officer? It's working now, clearly. Well, it wasn't working a few minutes ago.

I wanted to make sure you're safe. Goodbye. Well, we're all good now. Yeah. Yeah, I don't like that when cops abuse their power. But, you know, everything we talk about, it's a two-way street, right? You know, everybody, one man's terrorist

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lose my keys maybe once every two or three months but they're like legitimately lost and this that these things have saved me like i guess twice now which doesn't that's not like a ton of times but man when you need your keys and you got somewhere to go yeah when you think about it you're not losing if you're losing something every single day you need to reevaluate yourself this isn't if you're losing something every day like this is if you're losing something we're like i always put this right here and it's not here like your keys like that's when you need this thing so highly recommend it check it out very cool i love the things what was the cool thing you wanted to chit chat about kyle or did you have not didn't have anything in mind well I was really

hoping that you would produce the the fun thing while I did the ad read that only made sense right back on you seemed so excited I thought you might you might have something well I wanted to keep the audience titillated I didn't want to leave while I was reading the ad right that's true you know if I guess I love are there in for the long i guess i lied we have nothing fun to talk about but you've all been bamboozled misled deceived oh dude i i am very excited about the fact that cyborg was caught for steroids i'm still looking at it and it was her first random test of the year uh apparently i was i say it was her 11th test of the year earlier

but all the other ones were during a training camp and this was the first one where she wasn't like in a training camp expecting testing and such they just tested her randomly and she's fucking pissing hot fuck her oh my god i hate her so much she's out there bullying all these other girls, clearly with a man's body. And this is the second time she's been busted for steroids. You know she's been doing it her whole goddamn career. And now she's out. It's fucking done with her.

Done with her. I've got a hypothetical question for you guys. So for... I'm going to up the money a little bit. For $40,000, would you go for three months without washing yourself, brushing your teeth, using any smart mouth? You can't do that. Or using deodorant? And you don't get the money until the end? And the entire duration of it, you're not allowed to explain to anyone the reason that you're so

smelly so you just you can't you just have to basically tell them like yeah i'm just not feeling it like you can't that's the tell them i'm doing this for money god until that until that it was like you know that's not a bad way to earn that's the hard part yeah yeah no i can't do it i can't fucking do it man i just can't my i i would have so much acne. Like, I wouldn't be me anymore. I would be so greasy and acne-ridden and just fucking gross. I might get a fucking infection or something, some sort of skin infection, folliculitis.

Dude, it's not... You don't even know what that is. It's a hot tub infection. You know, under your arms, it gets all itchy and red. It's from bacteria in the hot tub. Everyone on my hockey team got a hot tub folliculitis when this fucking asshole who had it on his foot got in without telling anyone and so for a couple months everybody on the team had hot tub folliculitis like little painful bumps on them it's yeah i went to the doctor oh everybody hated it after that

sorry to interrupt yeah i've had it not so bad one of the doctor uh got some got something for it fixed it right up but but yeah i40,000 is a lot of money. It really is. It's the kind of money that you can do a real cool thing with. Like $40,000 is the kind of chunk of money that you could buy a small house with $40,000. Two weeks in Vegas. Oh, that's – A year if you're good.

Two good weeks in Vegas. Five minutes if you're bad. Yeah, it all depends. if you're good. Two good weeks in Vegas. Five minutes if you're bad. The thing with it is at first, I want to say definitely yes. When you think about it, it's like every single aspect of your professional life is going to be

over about a month. It would be so gross sitting here. My hair would be so nasty. Unwashed. These meetings smelling like a homeless person all greasy in your hair my hair would be awful like you would you would sacrifice all the interpersonal relationships in your life because they'd be like god he's acting like a drug addict but i don't think he's on drugs he just he will not clean i tried to spritz him with a water bottle the other day under your nails would your under your nails would be all black and filthy.

I wonder if there's any like subtle way to clean right like like all right. No, no, I'm not washing I'm not washing. I'm just really into whitewater rafting What about a sand scrub? Good sand scrub. That sounds so painful. No, I think a sand scrub will be nice You know you fucking like like like not big like not like playground sand But like really fine like black beach sand or something maybe rub that in exfoliate everything take the dirt away

Like you're allowed to rub that to rinse that dirt off afterward because you get a wash Yeah, it'll stick because I will be filthy after three months. I'll be sticky. I'll be sticky Do you get acne if you don't so bad so bad like like like i'm a oh i'm on the skincare addiction subreddit all the time like it takes a lot to keep this shit together uh like the acne is never gonna go away like like i have very acne prone skin it's oily skin i got like four products i use it's a whole rigmarole there's doing good then i wouldn't have guessed There's toners and moisturizers and benzoyl peroxide and salicylic acid. It's a whole fucking mess. There's clay.

I've got some fancy clay I wear once a week. This is really interesting. I've seen all those names and words on Melissa's stuff in the bathroom. She does the skincare thing too. Sure. Yeah. Yeah, Hawaiian mud mask, the whole thing. Yeah, it's a real fucking ordeal to keep

uh from like just breaking out i break out all around my mouth all over my forehead all over my face real bad um so is just all the all the different kinds of pimples woody talks about acne and he's like yeah you just scrub those white heads off with a rag it's like oh that's that one kind of easy acne that some people get. I don't get that. I get like deep blackheads that you have to like pop and like they're explosive and bloody. I get deep blackheads that are just like hard, like a seed almost that's in there when you finally get it out. Like they'll pop up on like thin parts of skin and you'll try to pop them. But seemingly it'll just like rupture the skin and

tear it and i have to go through this whole treatment of using like alcohol four times a day to like that keep the infection out and like it's a real skincare addiction kind of thing that that keeps me from being covered and pockmarked i'm right in the middle i'm not where kyle is but unlike taylor i do occasionally get a pimple that pops up now and then, sometimes on my forehead, but most usually because I'll sleep sideways on a pillow and get a drool-induced acne, like a pimple, I'll say. I think I have one. It's almost gone.

Yeah, that's what it is. I'm like, yeah, I totally drooled on the pillow, slept in that all night, and got that one pimple. Give it a day or two, it cleans up. I get pimples so rarely that when I do get one, if it's poppable, it's almost like a treat. Where it's like, oh man, look at this. But I can't even remember the last time I had one that was able to be popped. It's just, you squeeze it, and then your skin gets all red.

And it's like well All right, just time to play the waiting game, and then I get them everywhere I have had like a pimple or a blackhead like on every surface of my body I'm pretty sure the worst is my ass the worst if you get one on your butt Cuz like that skin like like there's no way to pinch that just right you can't get back there I so I use a whole X. i've got a whole exfoliation process for my ass to probably better than pinching it yeah i've never thought about that i haven't had to deal with ass pimples but that does seem like a very uncomfortable place to be popping and i'll get them like right in the middle of my back on my spine and i literally can't get back

there like i have to do this thing where i'm like contorted and I've got two thumbs going toward each other, but the angle is so awkward for my joints that they're going past each other and making it worse. You're just making red marks on your back. So I have to do this thing where I put toothpaste on it with a band-aid to make it real bad so it's poppable, and then it's just disgusting. I've read about that on the internet. I thought it dried it out.

It makes mine real bad. It makes them ready to pop. And when I pop them, it's not just like, there's a crunch. There's like crunching noises that are going on, and the consistency often isn't, I'm not exactly sure. It's definitely skin tearing as the pore is blown apart

like a blonde taking her first gigantic cock. It's just fucking tearing a hole through the pore. I like that she's blonde. I was going to go with a big black cock, but I contained myself. And then the consistency will change mid-pop. I'm squeezing slowly

and I do this thing where I get around it and like kind of shimmy back and forth because i don't want to tear the skin i don't want to irritate things much i want to gently ease this puss out uh and and it'll like at first it'll be like really thick and then it'll turn thin and then thick and thin and so it's like as it's like changing consider it's disgusting sounds like a firework i've gotten them in my ears like black heads that seemingly i don't know if they're deep or just there's just a big bulb of pus

and it keeps getting fed through the you know the the the pore and it just looks like it's that long but like ridiculously huge amounts of pus that would come out of the black heads in my ears when i was like 15 because i guess i didn't wash my ears well enough and those are so painful the dermatologist I remember being like 13 in this hot like 25 year old dermatologist like putting all of her body weight seemingly on my ear which is on an operating bed with this device in my ear and just hearing pop and she go oh there we go that's one it's like how many are there and just tears yeah just tears just tears it was so painful so wow yeah acne is a terrible thing i feel whenever i see someone suffering with it badly i really feel for that person because i know what it's like but i also

have a part of me that's like you need to do some research bro you can fix that shit right up like there's no need for uh for all that what if they're young like because i i mean if it's hormonal based acne you've got to go to a doctor get out of that walmart fucking shopping shelf and go to a doctor because you're not going to find anything that's over 10 benzoyl peroxide and you got to look for that you're not going to and salicylic acid just doesn't work on some people benzoyl is going to dry your skin the fuck out your moisturizer nine times out of ten if you don't know what you're doing, it's just going to make things worse and it'll burn when you put it on. That's how you know you got the wrong one. It's a whole thing. You need to go to your doctor and the doctor will have things that are like a combination between a moisturizer and an

anti-acne medicine. So you're getting, you're fixing two problems at once. But most of the things he's going to give you have side effects or are pretty hardcore. Accutane's the way to go, if you ask me. If you've got it bad, if you've got that shoulder acne that's going to end up with scarring or something, you've got to go Accutane if there's a chance of scarring. I was going to ask you about that. Have you ever considered doing it, or do you feel comfortable enough in your regimen now? Oh, yeah. I wanted it so bad. I wanted it so bad growing up. I don't need it now, I don't think. Yeah, I would do it. I probably would do it, actually.

But I worry a bit about the liver thing, and I really don't want to go in for repeated blood work. I don't know. And your skin will reach a level of dryness that you didn't know skin could reach. When you open your mouth too much, I remember the feeling of, you know when your mouth is dry and, open your mouth too much. Like, I remember the feeling of, like, you know when your mouth is dry and you open your mouth too much and it just splits?

Correct. Yep. Like, the feeling isn't just in your lips or here when you do that in the corners on Accutane. Like, if it's winter on Accutane, it's here. Your whole skin is tight, and it feels like a drum. When you open it, it's like, is my skin just going to split? Like, there's no moisture anywhere.

The skin right here is really thin, and it's important to moisturize that. You'll notice that that's one of the first parts to hurt, like when you smile in the cold dryness. So, yeah, I don't know. When I was in high school, there were people in Accutane. Now, I was in high school in the 90s at a beach town, so people would tan. And Accutane people, they were like, it was a big deal.

They couldn't be exposed to sun. Have you heard that before? Am I right on this? Yes. Yeah, you get really, really sun sensitive. A lot of acne medications are like that. Because of what they're doing to your skin, it strips it of a lot of its abilities to defend itself. Whether it's cutting down on the sebaceous oil gland production, sebaceous gland oil production, or it's just drying your skin.

It's just drying your skin out. It's trying to nuke all that stuff. And it does a hell of a job. You can feel it killing the oil in your body. It's great in that way. Acne's terrible. But yeah, if you're out there and a young guy, go to the doctor. Go to the doctor.

Go to the doctor. Get out of the Walmart aisle and stop mixing products or do a lot of research if you don't want to go to the doctor because that's what it took. It took tons of research and reading forums and trial and error to find a regimen that would even keep the acne at bay. How long did you have to work at it and through so many different products before you kind of found something that works? I figured it out about three years ago yeah it took forever to to now you have i i still break out oh i still break out yeah i still break out um probably get two or three pimples a week yeah i probably get two or three a month yeah i, I'm very good at treating and healing quickly. Neosporin is, of course, part of the process, as is alcohol.

I pop that thing really carefully, alcohol it so that any pus that was there is not going to reinfect it. My fingers aren't going to reinfect it. And I'll put Neosporin on a really bad pimple. I've had some terrible ones where I thought I was going to get it, but my fingers slipped. And my thumbnail takes the top layer of skin off the pimple. I've had some terrible ones where I thought I was going to get it, but my fingers slipped and my thumbnail takes the top layer of skin off the pimple, so then the pimple gets further infected, and you can't touch it now because it's just a scab on top of a

pimple, so you've got to just neosporin that bitch and wait until it's healed. When you pop that thing, not only is it ready to go, right? It's just like and it's, but it's just a huge amount of disgusting pus i could i could have my own subreddit uh to rival popping do you get any satisfaction out of popping it or are you so out like that's fun yeah

no it's fun it is it you know i think everybody likes that there's something about getting a foreign object out of your body that's very natural, probably another genetic thing that we, you know, I was talking to Chiz the other day about, we were talking about doing the MRI, right, getting the brain scan and everything, and I was talking about, I got a couple little pieces of metal in my body, I've got one in the tip of this thumb, and there's no way that's going to show on camera, and I got another one right here. This is i promise this is not a wings redemption gunshot wound here it's it's it's literally oh man can you see it i can't you're not gonna see it you're just not there's a very tiny speck of metal in my hand there and there's another one in the tip of this thumb which i can't even see but if you jiggle a

magnet over him you can feel him you can feel them wiggle a little bit. So I was like, what happens when I get into an MRI? Is the tip of my thumb going to explode? Is a little chunk of metal going to go ding! And fucking stick to the wall all bloody? They talk about tattoos because apparently there's traces of iron in black in tattoos or something.

It's something like the way that they use, like if you have prison tattoos or if you have tattoos that are done in an older style, they will to like the mri or fmri or whatever and yeah i don't know exactly how bad or what will happen if you have a tattoo like that and you get in like if it'll just rip all that out or not but no i have no idea but that's a serious thing like you can't hop in an mri with metal in your body well you can't with a little piece i know i know you can't because my dad did it yeah i'm just saying it's got an mri on his oh yeah plate your head yeah you're gonna fucking die or plate your arm foot like any plate yeah the army put that plastic plate in his head but every time his wife turns a microwave on

it burps and passes out for an hour it's unfortunate you remember on christmas vacation nobody else no that, that's... That's good shit. I love those fucking movies. It's almost time to watch Christmas Vacation. I'm due for a rewatch of Christmas Vacation. I don't want to watch The Christmas Story again this year because that was ruined for me as a kid.

When you have seen a movie every year of your life, by the time you're nine, it's enough. It's enough. And the only reason you're watching it is because the old people in your family are like oh i remember when this was all that was on you know so now you're gonna make us pretend that it's all that's on again yeah you know what i do like elf elf was my favorite christmas movie dude when when he wins that snowball fight that is one of the greatest movie victories ever. Like, I love it so much.

That kid is there. He's, like, panicked. You can tell he's been bullied before. Like, things aren't going great for this kid. And he's huddled behind this, like, little wall. There's, like, I don't know, making up numbers. There's a dozen, like, teenagers, bigger, stronger, older than him. He's throwing it, and he's like, oh no!

And Elf is like, you know what? I think we can take him. And you're just like, wait, what? No, there's no hope in this situation. All is lost. He's going to be pelted with snowballs. There's no winning in this. And then suddenly you realize that his only

superpower is throwing snowballs. He's throwing ropes out of a paintball gun. His only superpower is everything to do with Christmas. If it has anything even cursory related to Christmas, he's great at it.

What other superpowers did he have? He put up... He was alone for three minutes at one one point or for one day at how at the home and they came back and he had like 50 grand worth of high quality christmas decorations and stuff and it's like where the fuck did he get all this stuff did he just pilfer it from you know the local toy stores okay um yeah that's a great one dude that's with peter dinklage in there when uh you know tyrian when, when he's in there, is like the main child book writer.

And the whole you're an angry elf scene. Like, it's so juvenile and stupid, but it's so fucking funny. You're an angry elf. Call me an elf one more time. He's an angry elf. He's not an elf? And then Andy Richter's in it. Oh, he's not an elf Andy Richter's in it oh he's from

he's not an elf at all he's like a lawyer or something he's a dwarf who writes children's books I remember now but the snowball elf is a great Christmas it's probably the best modern Christmas movie

I agree with you I really think it's hard to find someone who doesn't Elf is a great Christmas movie. It's probably the best modern Christmas movie. I agree with you. I really think it's hard to find someone who doesn't really like Elf. Do you not really like Elf, Kyle? Eh. You don't seem... I've seen it twice. It's just another real feral movie. It doesn't...

I think he's got better ones. He's definitely got worse ones, too. There's definitely some funny parts. That whole beginning where he's like, although it's a little bit of a rip off of the jerk, right? Where Steve Martin's raised by the black family from, from an infant and he thinks he is black and he doesn't realize that he's

different than the rest of them. And the same way, you know, you got Will Ferrell there who thinks he's an elf. He's sleeping in the short bed, showering in that tiny baby shower and all that stuff. He just don't, he just doesn't get it.

It was, I think, I think it was better when Steve Martin did that little gag. The whole black family's all singing. They're singing gospel music. Everybody's clapping. Black people have rhythm. They got beat. They can dance.

And Steve Martin's trying to keep the beat. He's just... They're all looking at him like... God, I hate to miscategorize black people but there are it seems like if i were to grab a random black person especially woman but any black person from a crowd it is more likely that they can sing well like that just seems to happen sometimes and it's no i think i think it's probably got more to do with, like, their, I don't know. I think dancing, I would be on your side.

I wouldn't say that. I would give it to you on dancing. I think if you're in the South, maybe, like, I think a lot of black people go to church, maybe more so than white people where I am. And black churches in particular have these big choirs here where everybody sings and it's a big thing. I think a lot of the American Idol

winners, that was like their background. It's like, oh, I just sing in church and now I'm famous or whatever. To me it's better, but I don't know. They can belt it out big time with these big impressive voices. Whereas sometimes the like white,

especially white women, it's a little mousy by comparison. Like it's a talent. They're both talented, but in a different way, like the, like, I don't know the black women to sing at full volume and loud and just

roar it. Whereas I feel like that's less common amongst white women, but I could be wrong. Dolly Parton, Celine Dion. Celine Dion. Celine Dion. Yeah. Adele sings really well too.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, what was that ugly lady from, uh, Britain's Got Talent or X Factor or whatever? Oh,

Susan Boyle. Susan Boyle. Yeah. Oh, that was, that's still an uplifting video. It's an, it's an odd video to watch being uplifting because part of the time –

so basically for people who don't know, this is a woman who got up on the British version of America's Got Talent and is just totally homely, looks like she'd be an assistant librarian. Lunch lady. Not at all someone you would – lunch lady, perfect. And she gets out there and she belts out this beautiful song, and everybody's like, oh, wow, how magnificent. And, like, you feel really good for her until you realize the only reason

that people are being, like, so good, so magnificent is because every single person in that room looked at her and unanimously agreed this is an ugly loser this is an ugly loser with a bunch of cats who aren't going to give a fuck that she got kicked out in the first round and so it's almost like yeah it's only through phenomenal low expectations that you're like wow mind-blowing but it's still uplifting because you see her having the time of her life finally being appreciated in a way that she didn't have the opportunity to be before so i like the video i like videos like that um there's like some handicapped kid who does stand-up comedy on a show like that that's really good too i like the one that uh was it

like tea and toast do you guys know the one that sang tea and toast she gets up there and she's like you can tell she's wildly nervous. And it's not an act because after she went on, she like blew a time or two because she was nervous. But she gets up there and she wrote it herself. And it's so heartwarming. It's about like, you know, when her mom died or something and she kills it. And you guys, you should check out Tea and Toast. I'd play it, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to get copyright struck over it uh if i just play a whole song yeah yeah but uh but yeah

she's my favorite britain's got talent i think she's britain got talent um of all time the tea and toast lady and then she sang a second one as well uh daniel or something anyway dude i don't know i'm still psyched Cyborg got busted for steroids. That never happens in hockey. Nope. Not a big thing. They probably don't test. Hockey players are like, nah, we don't do steroids.

You don't think it will benefit you? You think bigger, stronger, and faster helps in hockey? Yeah. I don't know. Maybe they test it more closely and they're not they can't get away with it i know that cocaine for the 80s and part of the 90s was the drug of choice in the nhl for a lot of them but i mean that's performance enhancing too if you need to be having a lot of energy for very short shifts like that seems like cocaine would be helpful but i don't know

yeah i'm glad it's not a huge issue in hockey or at least if it is a huge issue they're ignoring it and that's what they do in football yeah they just ignore it they tell them when they're about the test hey we need to cycle off we got a test on september 1st yeah it's crazy jogger overtook the second place we talked solo second place he got it no i'm saying he was tied with Messier. He got a point tonight. Overtook second place all time. Only behind Wayne Gretzky. So North Carolina was unable to repeal HB2. If I

have my history right, Kyle seems way up to date on everything lately. He'll probably correct me, but I think that Charlotte passed a law having something to do with letting people choose the bathroom that of the gender they identify. And in response, North Carolina passed a law

that was a lot more, they call it the bathroom bill, but it actually removed like any kind of sexual discrimination protection. It might have had something to do with overtime. And it also, you know, undid the bathroom thing where it said you have to go to the bathroom you were born as, not the one you identify as. They told Charlotte that if they repealed their law,

they'd repeal HB2. And Charlotte did this thing. They repealed their law and said it's going to come back on January 1 if the statewide one, HB2, isn't fixed before that. So they came in, they had a special session, and like they had it all agreed to and such, and then they changed the rules. They mixed it up a little bit, and they said like, I don't know what they asked for that was more, but they went in there, they're like, all right, I know that

deal we had. The Republicans said, we want that deal plus one, whatever that one was. we had the Republicans said, we want that deal plus one, whatever that one was. I think what they wanted to do was, I think one side wanted to make it so that going forward, cities couldn't implement something that would just replace the state law. I think that they wanted that in there. There was something that had to do with that. I listened to the coverage on this thing. It just happened today.

So I just got one CNN's version of it. I also heard the governor speak and he was very upset he's like i know it seemed like he had been talking to his legislators you know he's like i know we had enough democratic and republican votes there to do this i don't know what happened this is this is ridiculous you know he was very upset the way jackie was up on on a story they explained it to me is that they said um i guess they had a deal. The Republicans asked for something in addition to what it was before. And the incoming governor said, no, don't do it. Don't accept this lesser deal.

Don't bend over and take another step. We had it. If they want to back out, then we won't do it. And so they just decided not to go with the revised deal and that's where it stands everyone's blaming each other so well i you know i hope you guys figure that out so that you won't lose another 650 million dollars next year 650 million dollars that's a lot for a state a state and like it just keeps ramping up you know like the n-double-a-c-p is now saying we need to boycott all of north carolina and uh like it doesn't stop like it just seems

like more people get added to the list all the time of saying we won't do business with north carolina because of these you know sexist laws that they're just gonna be more celebrities at the trump inauguration than will perform in north carolina at the same time woody in regard to that it's good that now finally everybody's on the same page with allowing private businesses performers whatever to choose to play or refuse service to whoever based on what they want so so who so it's almost like everybody's on the same page there of like yeah those performers they don't have to play in North Carolina anymore. They don't like what you did, and they are going to impact that economically. And that's their voice that they can do that.

Just like a business owner can refuse service to people, and they'll have to pay the piper when it comes around. So I'm glad. You know that the meme of like there's like a button, and he's pressing it, and he's sweating because he can't deal with his own hypocrisy? Oh, yeah. a button he's pressing it and he's sweating because like he yeah he can't deal with his own hypocrisy oh yeah i feel like there's some like tumblerino like i you know get to boycott things i don't like versus boycotting things i do like i don't know how to choose sweating that's a funny meme yeah so yeah it's it that is at this point it seems like they need to get that under control like you said for no other reason than economic where it's like all right guys at this point how about we let the bathroom thing go because we're losing a lot of fucking business and it's impacting people who really couldn't

give a shit less about this bathroom issue so i was listening to the best of jim and sam today jim norton and uh sam roberts right and uh they were talking they were they were talking about this clip from uh Day Fiance, which is a reality show where these people get married under these odd circumstances. And basically what happened here, I think this guy might be Tunisian. This big, fat, white woman went and got herself a mail-order husband named Muhammad here. He's no prize himself, but he is 15 years her junior uh she being a real land whale and uh she has three teenage daughters and um i gotta say they

really throw muhammad under the bus here uh everybody on the show treats him like shit and what more and muhammad is trying to get out with his broken english what the fucking problem is let's watch this clip it's entertaining i think i may have seen this before i'm queued up i have not seen this before and i can't wait uh is everybody ready at zero yes yes okay ready set play i want to see this when we saw the scene of you two at the wedding, you said that you could not kiss her. Yes.

Okay. Oh, that wife is horrible. Have you guys ever kissed before that? Yes. You have? Yes. Were you intimate before that? Yes.

You have. Okay, so you've kind of consummated the relationship. Mm-hmm. Was there any intimacy after the wedding at all? After the wedding? Yes. There was, but we started facing a problem. What is the, what was the problem?

I don't want to say, like, this is very private. Instead of taking care of that problem, she was, like, fighting with me over it. This is something that no man in the world can accept that. And then she was like, be like sitting on the floor, crying, screaming in front of her teenagers. I want my sex tonight. If you don't give me my sex tonight, I will call the immigration. I will get you deported danielle can you tell us what he's talking about he has told people that i smell and i peed on him okay this person here she has some stuff that i don't like. I complain about it.

You know what? I don't even want to know. You don't? It is cunt. Thank you very much. It is cunt to the host. If you're asking me, like, why I'm not having sex with her, then you put it out there. I have to explain it.

You know? All right. You're going to demonize this guy and make him out to be the bad guy, and you don't even want to know why he won't fuck her? He won't fuck her because she's squirting putrid pussy juice onto his ass when he fucks her that's why because her vagina smells like a dumpster and she's squirting on him with smelly piss from her smelly pussy and when he told her to clean her smelly pussy she argued with him about it you think that it was about i know it's that i hate the host i

hate the host so fucking much like sometimes i look at these people and i'm just like professionally you are very very bad at your job that thing was about to get fucking awesome you can always edit it later you know if something comes out that's a problem you can edit it you can you can beep it you can do what you need to but for her to stop the good Content from coming the fuck the fuck you suck you suck at your job She should be fired immediately get Trump to run that shit what she saw Tell me about this smelly pussy Yeah, he'd be like you dress her down. How would you say the pussy was?

Trump would join the guy's side. It smells so goddamn bad. He'd join the guy's side and be like, tell me about this fucking, like, you know, Jedi or Jabba the Hutt pussy what you got going on over here. That video could have been gold. That show could have been gold.

But that host was shit at her job moment at least when he's struggling with the english where he or she's like what was the problem and you can see in his eyes he just wants to point at her and go huh yeah yeah and and he also and the guy showed a little class right like i i think that woman she didn't talk really in that clip so you don't know what her but she seemed to have less class than the guy did you know the guy was like look there's no man in the oh and i like that the guy had expectations right he's like these are things that no man in the world could overlook and i'm thinking well no there's some there's some who would overlook that who would do anything yeah but there's guys that'll fuck that stinky pussy all night yeah yeah you know but he's thinking like regardless of my situation i have some standards

and i expect this woman to have decent hygiene and to take care of herself to like look you know he married her his standards aren't even very high. He's from a shitty country though. He's just thinking about that hut back home, just pumping away. He's better than ISIS. He's better than ISIS.

If that woman lost 70 pounds, she'd still be fat. I think the guy would be like, I'll cope with it. You didn't catch a lot of her right there, but she's slow-witted, especially in comparison to Muhammad. I don't think Muhammad's going to fucking... He's no genius, but he's a bright guy. You can tell. He's okay. He's all there, let's just say.

And she's not quite all there. She is gross and ugly, and he married her for that green card. And he's willing to put up with all of that. Oh, I should mention, they're living in like rural ohio in the cold and she has crippling debt which which is now his that's the thing i feel like more people should consider like yeah that that show was built around making him look bad because it's like a women's like channel show it's only but we can all take one step backwards and be like what there's other clips where the other women who are like contestants in

this show give him shit she's she's like there's this smoking hot russian chick and she's like i love my husband i just want to have sex with him all the time if i love him i want to be in love with him in the bedroom he And I wanted Muhammad to be like, she's got a fat, smelly pussy and she's retarded. Look at it. Whip that thing out. They all want to judge. What are you licking? Yeah, you get over here, you fucking

Russian cunt. You're so horny. You get in there on that. You'll lose your arm up to the elbow. It'll dissolve all the way in your fucking fucking jewelry it was a subtle thing in the way she was carrying herself and positioning herself on the couch now usually when you watch a clip with someone who is very very much overweight not even that kyle she they'll they'll sit in a way where like they're like looking up or they'll like have camera angles or something a very contoured she was sitting there with her neck almost like spitefully fat like looking at him like putting

like really pushing that down and getting fat neck as she was looking smugly at the guy like you're gonna have to fuck this puss when we get home and you know you have to do it because there's no running water in Tunisia. And then he has to go home and do it. And then pay for her fucking, you know, whatever credit card she racked a bunch of debt on. Probably Zaxby's. Her crippling debt matters.

Like, that's a big thing to me. I feel like when you're looking at your spouse, right? If that girl is 18 years old and she's fat, then you need to know that family is going to have a lifetime of struggle with obesity, right? She's going to be making meals. She's going to, at least, I say I'm used to these traditional relationships. You know, other people have more even partnerships. But, you know, like my wife, she buys the food. She cooks the food. You know, like if she's 18 and she's fat, then you can expect a lifetime of your whole family

of struggling with obesity. That's just the deal that you're laying out there. If she's whatever, like 27 and she's older than that and she has crippling debt, then don't think that when you marry her, you're going to earn so much that she can't spend it. I guarantee you she'll be able to spend it. She'll just go to wherever

and buy everything that catches her fancy until the credit cards are maxed. And you grab a debtor like that and just expect that you've got a fucking debtor. Like this person doesn't have the self-control financially. And you notice he was classier than her because he would not say what the problem was. He was like, she has a problem. And it's something no man can deal with. And then she's the one who says He has said that I smell and he goes if you catch it

He goes you do as soon as she says that she goes he has said that I smell He goes you do and that I peed on him, and I would be I can't fathom How everybody's not on Mohammed side it doesn't make sense that clip is so small. i didn't see like no they hate muhammad now he's done bad things too you know he would like he's like walk he went on a vacation to florida with like some actually attractive chick like he got the fuck up out of there at one point and just left um but the thing is like god damn like like what a situation he's been like tricked almost into like like he just wanted to get out of a hellhole and he made a deal with a big fat smelly devil and and now he's kind of just stuck she's so uh stubborn that i feel like a lot of women he might have molded you know they'd be

like all right you know i'm shocked that she's not like oh it smells goodness gracious right let me get some feminine hygiene products yeah that's something that you should be thankful well not on tv but i'm sure you told her before like if someone tells you like hey you have really bad bo or whatever like it's offensive in that like man i'm sad that i smell tomorrow i won't but really it's like okay i'm glad you told me that just like if someone it doesn't matter how well i know someone if they get food stuck in their teeth at a restaurant i always tell them i feel like that is the ultimate trust building exercise is like you tell somebody like that'd be something on like lie to me you know he's like oh you tell them they got food in their teeth they'll be indebted to you forever or he wasn't australian

but whatever like i tell them that they've got some of their teeth regardless and they're like no i don't I was like oh yeah that's just your teeth oh yeah I thought there was like a yellow kernel stuck somewhere in there but now that's just an incisor it looked like you just ate like five years of corn real rapid fire that's just you though okay all right they have dentists where you live you know yeah that um that's a very annoying clip because you can see like it's totally the the how smug the lady is because she knows that she's you know in the hen house and everybody's gonna have her back and how this guy is struggling i want my sex now as if you give me my sex or i will deport you

what happens next kyle it sounds like you've seen more than just this. They end up getting divorced and they're apart. I saw Jim and Sam riffing on this and talking about how funny it was. Then they played the recording and I had to see what Muhammad and her looked like because of course you don't have the visual with radio.

He looks like a 9-11 hijacker. He's got a good look about him. He's a friendly 9-11 hijacker. He's got a good look about him. You know, he's a friendly guy. He's well, he's shaven. He's put together. He's clean shaven. He's put together. He's 15 years younger than her.

He's an average looking fellow. He looks just fine. And he seems like he's got a decent head on his shoulders. And she's not that, any of those things. She does not deserve him. She's dumb, stupid. I guess dumb and stupid are kind of the same thing, but she's definitely slow,

witted, and fat, and ugly, and ignorant, and unwilling to change, and stubborn, and poor, and indebted, and has three teenage daughters who apparently live with her. It's just a real... He could have done better in the whole

international mail order Muslim husband game. He really drew a bad hand. I think your wife's slow. At running. On the track, she's terrible. In the head, slow

in every way. Except for their sex drive. That's always banging you know, banging on all cylinders. How miserable would that be to live with that heifer and have her constantly trying to proposition you for sex as you try and make stuff up. Oh, no, I have to pray again. That's the ninth time today. I thought you guys did it five times.

No, I am doubling down. Oh, Jesus. I need a lot of help. I'm doubling down with Jesus. Muhammad is not helping. I must go to Jesus Christ. I like that he's Indian now. I'm a sticky pussy.

If I do both of them, I get rid of any potential problem. He's got it so bad I'm not Indian. He is this close from declaring jihad on her vagina. This is what radicalizes these poor people. That's a normal kind human being right there that smelly pussy is gonna drive him right into a crowd of parishioners i guarantee it i wonder um like if you're in a society that's real protective you

know women wear veils and non-flattering clothes and stuff yeah how well do you know what you're getting you know like some of these guys marry pretty quickly what is the range i think i think that the fact that they can get another one might be nice i think one of the important things when you're picking a bride uh is like what kind of dowry you're getting back you know what kind of family are we marrying into what kind of financial thing is this going to do because Because it seems like the men have more options if they want to get something else going on. And of course it depends on which country

we're talking about, how religious specifically in that country that family is, all those things. If we're talking about actual militant ISIS guys, those guys kidnap little boys and fuck them. That's a sign of prestige is if you've got the prettiest boy slave, right?

You know, like, so it runs the gambit. It is. I'm not making this up. Oh, really? I thought you were making it up. No, they compete for who's got the prettiest, you know, boy slave to fuck and all. But they throw homosexuals off buildings. What makes for a hot boy, I wonder? You know, a feminine look, maybe?

I don't know exactly what they're looking for. I thought you would. They're looking for effeminate boys. You know, they'll look, maybe? I don't know exactly what they're looking for. They're looking for effeminate boys. You know, they'll go and kidnap them. They go and kidnap them, take them right out of the village. They say, you know, forget your son. He's gone to you now. Take these 13-year-old kids, put them on heroin so they're submissive and doped up and dependent on them and make them a sex slave for the rest of their lives.

Or at least until they're, you know, old enough that they don't want them anymore. It's a real sign of power and prestige. And, of course, we're talking about like the super duper far right, like militant terrorist sort of guys. It's not, you know, your everyday Muslim guy who would probably want himself a pretty boy slave. I was really thinking of like a Saudi Arabian, right? Saudi Arabia is one of the more restrictive sort of Sharia law countries.

Like, you know, the women are more... Women can't drive. Women can't drive. Women can't get jobs. Women can't do a lot of stuff so when you pick up a girl like how well do you see this what you know would you would you take off that big outfit of hers and be like ah fuck you know she's whatever wrong in this way or that way that you didn't exceed i'm sure you do, but I also bet that if you are a guy in Saudi Arabia, your horniness is going to be much greater when seeing a naked woman than a guy in the Western world.

We've literally done stuff on the show where there's three beautiful women and we're like, oh, nose is too flat. We're like, some bullshit. These guys haven't seen anything but ankles and the occasional risque wrist their entire lives and so you know they're gonna see that naked body and probably be like hot dog like i'm so into this unless it's like this person and they're like i've been lied to there is no god yeah i think it's hard to come up with a definite answer it runs the gambit that's that's going to be the truth at this one there are definitely muslim men who, like, you know, none of that even happens. They know exactly what this girl looks like, and they date them

in a normal, more Western fashion. Maybe it's a bit more reserved, maybe 1950s-style Western fashion is their dating life. But then, of course, on the other end, you got the guys who enslave little boys and fuck them. So, everything in between, I guess, is what you're getting. I bet there are techniques,

though, tricks. You know, Ray Charles, the blind musician, of course, he grabbed the lady's wrist. He'd want to he'd want to wrap his hand around your wrist. And if you felt that big, fat wrist, he knew you'd had too much fried chicken and he didn't want to take her back to the hotel room. But he felt a nice too much slender, delicate risk. He knew that she hadn't been having those chicken and waffles every day for the last 25 years, and he'd take her back with him. Speaking of Ray Charles, there's some clip from some show he was doing where he's obviously blind, and he was out there. He's the piano guy, right? Yeah.

Yeah, he was playing the piano, and he was sitting there smiling with his big glasses. And there was people, an accompaniment out there on the stage performing and then afterward the lights go down all of the performers get off and the lights come back up and no everybody forgot to get ray charles and so he's just sitting at his piano because he's blind just waiting for somebody to come over and be like oh shit sorry ray let's Ray, let's get you off stage, you're done. I thought that was funny, seeing him get left there. Yeah, I think there's a clip of him catching a microphone

stand once. Maybe Stevie Wonder who does it, but a microphone stand goes to follow him. He's like, I don't know how he does that one. Might be tricking us all these years, that Stevie Wonder, you never know. And then, of course course back in the blues brothers and the blues brothers movie it's full of like musicians and ray charles is the guy who sells the band all their gear all their guitars and

drums and stuff y'all just owe me go ahead fellas uh buddy but he's some kid sneaks into the store and trying to make off an electric guitar and fucking ray charles draws a 44 magnum and like boom like shoots the wall he's like now let that be a lesson to you and the kid's like holy shit he heard me like puts it back on the wall uh i like ray charles a lot i like all his music i love the the movie you know the the jamie foxx uh portrayal of ray charles was really good i haven't seen i've heard oh man i think he he might have won an oscar that. It's real good. It's very good.

It runs the gambit of his life, of course. And he struggled with heroin addiction and people trying to take advantage of him and make money off of him. And his music grew over the years. And he went through a couple of different relationships. It's a good movie. Probably Jamie Foxx's best performance. I'll check that out. It's called ray

it's a dumb story but um uncensored news has something it's at the top of reddit at the moment or near the top trump rejected john bolton because of his stupid mustache but in part the in part but those are all like unverified, like anonymous sources like, you know, senior official and Trump who asked not to be identified, stuff like that. I don't know how I feel about that, because on one hand, it's like Trump. How could you be so silly to judge a guy by his mustache? On the other hand, I, too, judge that guy by his mustache. It is ridiculous and stupid. He said he wanted someone who, quote, looked the part.

his mustache. It is ridiculous and stupid. He said he wanted someone who, quote, looked the part, and that's one of the main reasons why, in the end, it came down to Rex Tillerson or Mitt Romney. They both looked the part. They have that buttoned-up businessman fucking full head of hair kind of look. That's almost a direct quote from what CNN was saying today and what the insiders were saying. I think what he said specifically about John Bolton was it wasn't necessarily that he got in there, did the meeting, and he was like, everything's great about John Bolton. That mustache won't do for my Secretary of State. It was more that Trump had a lot of things that he liked about John,

a few things that he didn't like about John, and one of them was that mustache. It is silly, though. And Rex Tillerson seems like the better choice. He was the Exxon CEO, right? Yes. Rex Tillerson is a pretty cool... That's a professional athlete name.

Yeah. You were explaining to me before... Why is Rex Tillerson specific? So my question was this, in short. The Exxon CEO deals with countries all over the world. North Sea, a lot of Arab countries, Russia, etc. But the feedback I get on him is that like, oh, he's like synced up with Russia. He's tied into Russia.

He has all these Russian ties. Is there some reason that this guy, who I would guess has ties to lots of places, is especially tied to Russia? guess has ties to lots of places is especially tied to russia i i actually read something about that and they're talking about one oil conglomerate that has the majority owner i think is japan and then russia in a couple different parts owns like 20 or 30 percent then the u.s owns part of it and he works with this like conglomerate i'll have to look it up but i read an article on it that explained it pretty well and There are Russians in there, but it was Japan, I believe, who had the controlling share in it.

They owned most of the company. Kyle's shaking his head. Maybe you know something about this better than me. I'm not saying that what you're saying isn't right, but specifically the issue with Russia is that Russia's biggest oil company is nationalized. It's a pretty oppressive regime that Putin has over there.

It's not an ExxonMobil company. It's like Russian national oil. And guess who's the boss of it? Vladimir Putin. He's the one who comes to your meeting if there's going to be a big to-do about the Russian oil company. So Rex Tillerson and Elon, or excuse me, and what's the company? ExxonMobil has the only technology that can get the oil in the Arctic that the Russians have claimed to.

They own this oil. It's theirs. That land's theirs. But they can't fucking get to it because they don't have the tech. Rex Tillerson and ExxonMobil did. They did a big deal. And Vladimir Putin was there. So, of course, they're toasting with champagne, Brexit and Vladimir Putin, over the signing of this deal. Fast forward, they go into the Crimean region of the Ukraine, annex it, in other words, they steal a chunk of land from a neighboring fucking country.

Annex is such a whitewashing word, isn't it? Yes. It really makes it seem like it was some diplomatic thing. They annexed it, you know. They all voted, and there was an annexation process. No, they fucking went in with guns, and they said, back the fuck off, this shit is ours now, everybody. And that was it. And now it's theirs. And so since that happened, the U.S. and other countries across the world imposed sanctions on Russia.

Some of those include messing up that whole ExxonMobil partnership. You can bet that that will change under the Trump organization, the Trump presidency. But we have a very good negotiating standpoint with this in that we have the tech and they've got the oil. If they want it, they've got to come to us first. And Rex Tillerson has a lot of experience globally dealing with big deals. And I think he's a good pick. So I understand what you said. But what I haven't heard, it seems to me that they could say,

oh, Rex Tillerson deals with Saudi Arabia a ton because I'm sure ExxonMobil does. Or they deal with Norway a ton because I think Norway has a lot of Baltic Sea oil or something that could be off. But they always say, oh, he's in bed with the Russians. Well, that fits their agenda though. That's where I was headed on this. I can't tell what's agenda and what's, you know, like, I don't know. I mean, as soon as something comes. Michael Moore made a movie called Fahrenheit 9-11, right?

Yes. And in that, they said Osama bin Laden uses Morgan Stanley, like that Morgan Stanley big company broker, et cetera, to handle some of his investments. And W. Bush also uses Morgan Stanley. So Bush and Osama bin Laden have this common connection point. And I'm like, well, fuck it. I'm connected to Osama bin Laden if that's your criteria. You can't just say they do business here and therefore he's in bed with – if this guy is in bed with the Russians, he's Exxon.

Oh, did you lose me too? You're good. The recording will be fine we just lost you for a momentary so if you're going to use these loose ties like oh he did business here he probably did business in a hundred different countries it's Exxon

and the thing is none of the business he did was wrong there's never like he did this deal with Vladimir Putin and look where the bulk of the funds went. It's never like that. It's like, yeah, he did business with Russians. We're hiring a guy to do business with the Russians, right?

We're hiring a guy to be our representative, representing the president's agenda globally. He's the guy on the front lines. You might want a guy who, I guess that's what you, look, some of what Trump is going to do is hire businessmen instead of politicians. You could make a case saying, oh, it would be nice to have a guy who has experience with Russia, but not business ties, right? His experience with Russia is tied to business. And I don't know, current business? He won't be the CEO of Exxon at the time.

I think he's selling his Exxon shares. That's where I was going to go. If he still has all these shares and futures and options and stuff with exxon then that that concerns me a bit you know he might want to behave in such a way that enriches himself but if he dumps all that and does the job then i guess that's okay and i think there's something to be said someone who has mutual goals with the nation right like like like it's nice to put a guy in there who gets gets richer the richer the country gets and now he's in a position to be he's strongly motivated to do this deal with russia and to drill that also so obama uh you

know cordoned off a lot of the atlantic and arctic uh drilling that's probably a good thing in ways i don't understand he did like usually when you do an executive order and and Obama's done a lot of them, the next president can come in and just undo them all. But these latest anti-drilling things are different in ways that I hardly understand and that it will be very difficult for Trump to undo. You've heard this? I have heard it. He used some law or precedent from 63 or 53 going back that far. I don't know what the ramifications ramifications will be in the end but i think i heard a trump surrogate saying something like hey there's nothing we can't undo i mean you give us time right you know we'll figure it out i don't know how i feel about

drilling off the east coast like it's way out there now it's it's it's it's pretty far out there it's it's a lot farther than the gulf drilling sites at least okay i saw these colored blocks represented and perhaps the map was not giving me the the real picture because you know you look at plenty of maps and you'll think alaska is about double the size of georgia but it's a third the size of the contiguous so maybe i'm wrong there but it looked like it was really far off the coast um i don't know how i feel about that but i definitely am glad they're not drilling north of alaska and that's the part of alaska that we're talking about it's like the northern coast of alaska uh in the arctic region so you're against arctic drilling yeah i am yeah sure i don't want

i don't like the offshore drilling um i feel i feel like that's just so accident prone, especially up in there. I'm okay with it in the Gulf Coast. See, I like Alaskan drilling. I'm nervous about it. So far away? Actually, that's kind of it. It sounds crazy, right? You know what? I was influenced by the West Wing on this.

Towards the later seasons, I think the Republican candidate's name is Vinnick, and they have these speeches. And he's like, look, I think the Republican candidate's name is Vinnick, and they have these speeches. And he's like, look, I'm for drilling in Alaska. He's like, who here thinks Alaska is beautiful and everyone raises their hand? He's like, who here has been to Alaska and nobody raises their hand? And he's like, that's the thing. He's like, if there was oil at the bottom of the Grand Canyon, I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't touch it.

The Grand Canyon is this national monument. It's a great wonder. National Canyon is sacred and we shouldn't mess with it. But like tundra up in Alaska solves energy problems in America. And I'm also of the belief that like when we find local energy sources, we kind of unfund terrorism. local energy sources, we kind of unfund terrorism. There's like a military and security problem that if we can be self-sufficient that we solve. Like a lot of good things happen from there.

I just don't value Alaskan tundra as highly as I do, say, the coast of New Jersey or Georgia or Massachusetts. It's like if you want to have some sort of energy independence, of course, is the bee's knees right that's the top of the line but if we're living in a world where cars still run on gas alaskan tundra my ears are open let's hear your case well you specifically i think the the offshore drilling right and like the arctic where the polar bears and fucking uh all the cute stuff is and and i i really like those critters i do there was a time when i said something like uh you know i i don't care if you have to grind the snow owls up to make it if you can get me dollar gasoline do it i think that was my literal quote but you know it's it's that's pka it's settled it you know two dollar a dollar two buck a gallon uh gasoline isn't so bad

i let's save a few owls and stuff but uh you know it there's there's right ways to do stuff and wrong ways to do stuff um i i that's why i fear that epa uh guy just just a bit you know because you know they're not going to slow down on any pipelines or any fracking uh under that gentleman and uh i just hope it's i hope we don't see the negatives of it four years from now and go, look, look at this section of Texas where none of the water is any good anymore. Look at this section of Pennsylvania where this fire has been burning for the last two years because they couldn't cap the oil well or whatever disaster comes of it. Look at all these dead polar bears. Look at all these dead polar bears.

Look at all these dead people, you know, maybe because of lax regulation on a drilling platform. I don't know. I hope none of that happens. We all want cheap energy and clean water and clean air. But you've got to find a balance. Yeah. Yeah. That's where I am too. I feel like we're all in the middle somewhere just you know close to

the middle yeah it's so complicated i don't know enough about the drilling to even have like it's so complicated the way they do it it's like okay so if you go up and do it right there it's gonna be fine oh yeah it should be fine you know it's gonna be fine well it should probably be fine well i mean like 90 sure it's gonna be be fine. Well, it should probably be fine. Well, I mean, like 90% sure it's going to be fine. What did you base that on? I mean, like, we're pretty positive. We took a survey on SurveyMonkey, and we all agreed that 90% is going to be fine.

It's like, well, shit. Have no fear. We checked the little I am not a robot button. We made sure they could look. Captcha. You know, we typed in bubbly boats in the weird syllables or whatever and then yeah it's so complicated it's hard i don't know you you want to say just like with everything you want to be able to take like a quick stance on it and be like yeah i'm in favor or no get rid of all that but it the point about the grand canyon thing makes it resonates with me that makes a lot of

sense if it's like you know if real close to mount rushmore they wanted to fuck with it but they're like well you know the geology it might just shatter off one of the faces who knows like no that's that's hits too close to home it's really easy though to say i'm fine with it for the alaskan tundra when it's like people can be tasked to go find that oil rig and they're not going to they'll die of freezing to death before they get there like and it's also easy to write it off as alaskan tundra too like like fuck man alaska is so goddamn big that that like two different sides of my state of Georgia are completely different. One end is full of swamps the other end is full of mountains.

Right? Like North Georgia is the Smoky Mountains South Georgia is the Okefenokee Swamp. Look at a state like 12 times bigger in Alaska and it's even more so. There are gorgeous parts of Alaska and then there's shitty stupid parts that yeah maybe we could drill the fuck out of

and nobody would care. I need studies, right? I need to know the environmental impact from a third-party independent organization. I need short-term, mid-term, and long-term. I need to know what's happening in one year, five years, and 30 years. If we're going to disrupt the migration

of the caribou in such a way that now the predators can't feed in like a quarter of Alaska, then shit, we just fucked up. If Trump's wall is going to mess up the migration of the monarch butterflies and they're literally going to go extinct, we need to back up a minute. But at the same time, energy is important. It is, right? I'm just thinking about how fucking funny it would be is if the wolf finally goes up and then the first monarch butterfly season, it's just CNN footage,

just a pan of tens of millions, just a foot deep, like crown molding of dead monarch butterflies on the bottom of this wall, just the whole way. That'd be that'd be sad but at the same time if you told me five years from now that hey monarch butterflies have been extinct for 10 years i would have been like well color me shocked you know okay most

species don't make it most species that have ever been around they don't make the cut if a little wall that that we make is enough to send the monarch populations reeling, unable to be like, how do we get there? Do we fly up three feet? Oh, no! I think they hatch out. They have this brilliant life cycle where it's always a journey from north to south and back again. And it takes

three generations to do it. They hatch out in Mexico and become butterflies and fly. It's really cool. That's amazing. The salmon, where they hatch out in Mexico and like become butterflies and fly. It's really cool. That's amazing. Like, so like the salmon where they like return to their birthplace is neat.

Like, I think that's really cool. Um, I think, is it condors? Condors also have like a really large migration. And I think that's neat. That's really cool. But one that takes three generations,

like, wait a minute. You're like, it's like, that's blowing my mind like this isn't even a memory thing like my great grandchildren no my grandchildren will will you know come back to where i was like that that's neat this is saying four generations it doesn't get worse five no it's five now you're with me at this point i swear to god i got an

nbc the news thing here yeah the migration may take five generations monarch butterflies may take five generations to migrate to the u.s that is amazing that's crazy the migration routes of the iconic monarch butterfly across the north american continent have been mapped in an unprecedented detail new research shows that it may take as many as five generations for monarchs to make it north out of Mexico, venturing as far as southern Canada before returning and flying back south of the border for the winter. So yeah, I'm a little worried about that wall messing with my monarch

friends, right? Is that a real concern? 4,349 miles. It is of mine. Oh, but just you. Well, I don't think anyone else has thought that far ahead. I am sure the EPA chief has not. I'm sure he's not worried a fuck about butterflies. Who's that guy you put in charge of wildlife and stuff?

Maybe that guy should be on that. I don't know. But it's definitely a concern for me. I'm trying to think. Who would Trump put in charge of wildlife? I have no idea. I'm thinking, who sings Cat Scratch Fever? That guy from Realtree Outdoors?

Fucking the guy that's always killing the deer this is my good friend les stroud you may have seen him on the tv before he's absolutely great with the wilderness nobody better ted nugent right ted nugent ted nugent's performing at the inauguration he's got other duties and so is the mormon uh international choir tabernacle Choir, yeah. Yeah, yeah. You've got them, Kanye, Kid Rock, Kid Rock, and that other one we just mentioned. Yeah. That are like out there right now.

I thought it would be so funny if Taylor Swift were there. Funny about the Mormons there is like when everybody else is like, we're not going there. Like, we're not going to ruin our career. We're not going to represent you. Like, just like always, the Mormons are guaranteed to just be like, oh, we are just so blessed that you've given us this opportunity. We're so thankful. Thank you so much. You stop by our church anytime.

Thank you for considering Mitt Romney for a position. We really appreciate it. He is our lord and savior. That means a lot to us here in Utah, you know, and that's what we need. But yeah, those Mormons are lucky that they don't get radicalized or we'd round all those fuckers

up and put them somewhere. I'm going to tell you right now, that's a kooky, messed up religion they've got going on over there with a whole hierarchy of creepy motherfuckers running it. They'd be in a lot of creepy motherfuckers running it. They'd be in a lot of trouble. They better. You are.

You are so wrong. I didn't know anything about Mormons till I lived in Idaho where there's a lot of them because it's so close to Utah. The like a radical Mormon is someone who is not going to let you buy your own lunch. He will stand there with you and be like i'm no i'm gonna take care of it for you you know it's like no like ted it's fine like i got this no you know what i've life's been great recently and you know you just gotta pass it along you know and it's like it's almost they're so nice to you that it's like you have to be up to something but then they just keep being genuinely friendly one of the guys i knew wore those special underwear those magic underwear

and when people called them out on it because you could like see like the scoop neck underwear, like not underwear. Like it's like a big garment that they wear under their clothes or like the really into it Mormons do. And even when people would tease him about it, he'd be like, yeah, well, you know, there's definitely some goofy things with every religion. And it's like you just said that like it just rolled right off your back like you didn't know witnesses are like that too um i go ahead you can go first i my co-worker was a jehovah's witness and i was fascinated he was from haiti um and i think it's big down there with all the uh the missionaries who go down and uh and i was just like cd do you do that thing where you knock on doors um because people had not have done that to me and i hate it he's like yes they hate it sometimes but i try to bring a little joy into

their hearts at the end of the day i come and tell them about the love of christ and it's just like shit how many days a week do you do it because we only got one fucking day off he's like oh i go on my day off of course it's oh my god you get one day off a week after these 12-hour days, and you use it knocking on doors, saving souls? You are a nice guy. Annoying as fuck, but nice. They think that they're doing well. This goes for all religions, and that people think they're doing the right thing,

but I guess just because I've been around a good amount of Mormons, they all just seem like genuinely good people. That priest is like, yeah, just all just seem like genuinely good people. Like they're not trying to just like, yeah, just suck it. This will save you. My Mormon experience is also really positive. One I can think of is,

um, there was a couple, a married couple who did Brazilian jujitsu with me. And this isn't going to make a lot of sense to people, but the, where I trained Jits was mean, right? Like some places they train sports juiu-Jitsu and stuff,

and it's real, I don't know, technical. We did stuff just for pain. Like, you know, drive an elbow here, do this, give him the ugly face. That was a thing. Like, every time there was an opportunity to make that guy in pain. Putting your weight on him, dragging your knees across his belly when you change him. Yeah. But, like, what does Joe call it?

Asshole Jiu-Jitsu. Yeah, yeah. yeah yeah he does the same thing they did everything in their school like like mine was is designed to be mean and if you're not mean it's almost insulting to me like like god you know what you're not giving me your a game like all you're doing is like real technical you don't think i'm good enough yeah yeah yeah you think i can't handle an elbow in my cheek like Like, I can handle an elbow in my cheek. So, but this Mormon guy somehow would do these things kindly, you know? Like, he would be like, all right. Like, I'm applying pressure here.

We both know, like, this is just how we train. Don't take it personally, you know? Not verbally, but there was this vibe about him where he could do asshole jiu-jitsu sweetly. And I really liked him. His name was Jordan. Good guy. Yeah. I was speaking more specifically with the Mormons with their hierarchy,

like the guys who run that thing. Is it in Missouri? What state is it? No, it's in Utah. Utah. I've seen it. Thank you, of course. Because I've been to Salt Lake for work stuff before, and it's like in the middle of Salt Lake,

this enormous, like, not cathedral because that's Catholic, but this temple, they call it, I guess. And that's like, it's one of the, like, they have a difference there. They have like a Mormon church that you can go to. Like, anyone can go to Mormon church. And then to go to the temple, you have to actually be in the Mormonormon faith like you have to go through you know their induction ceremony or whatever it is and then you're allowed in the temple but yeah it seems like any religion when you get high up into those upper echelons you start to get it gets fucky because you get to the people who are like

well you know it's not true like this is just a way to make money. It's like in that South Park where they're, like, they convince Stan that he's the next coming of L. Ron Hubbard, and they tell him, you know, you have to write, L. Ron. You have to write. All your followers are waiting. And he sits down and he writes it and Stan buys into it that he's the faith,

you know, builder. And then eventually the CEO of Scientology, you know, CEO, has to come back and be like, wait, you're not buying this, are you? Like, no, this is all just a made-up scam to get stupid people to buy into our club. Don't tell wait you're not buying this are you like no this is all just a made-up scam to get stupid people to buy into our club don't tell me you're falling for this idiocy too like just me and he's like what you so this is all made up it's like yes now finish writing it like i don't think that i asked that this came up a show or two ago where

i was like you know these top catholics like the guys in the Vatican, et cetera. I feel like they're on the inside scoop, right? Like they've got access to that like hidden basement of documents they don't let other people see. They have no documents with any more truth in them than what you can fucking get on the internet. If they know it's not true, they know it for the same reasons we do, I think. I think, right? Like, I just, I can't see that holy Vatican document being like, but for real, though?

You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, but seriously? It's like, and Christ rode into heaven on the flaming chariot. And it's like, but for real, though? Like, he just died one day, and we didn't know what to do. And once thou have the masses fool death, you know? Like, that kind of thing.

And once they have the chalice of foolery, require them to decimate their income once per annum. I wish I could remember what I was reading in more detail, but apparently there was some sort of insider who eventually, like, you know, the Boston priests were like some of the first ones to get busted or cardinals or what have you for knowing about the child abuse and child rape and stuff. Apparently there were documents, I think at the Vatican, but I'm not sure about that, that that proved that they knew it. And what made the case so hard to crack for so long is that they had to know exactly what to ask for like to get them to produce the stuff otherwise they're just standing at the vatican city speak friend and enter the real question and i always have is why is it in Elvish?

Why doesn't it say, you know, speak friend and enter, and you have to say the Dwarvish word for friend? It's because... With an Elven password. It was something to do... It has to do with the fact that that kind of magic for that door

had to, I guess, be placed upon the door by the El yeah i agree with you that that's how i've always like rationalized in my head is that like balin had to go to fucking that elf that elf that that wood elf king that rides the elk and be like i need some magic or maybe galadriel she'd be the one to do it yeah it would probably be galadriel she's she's very magical but yeah the the dwarf thing that they never hammered home, even in the, a little bit in The Hobbit, but they don't do it enough. They don't focus enough on the cool thing that dwarves do,

which is they're machinists. They build siege engines and weapons. And so when they went into battle, it wasn't just like it was CGI, like a bunch of midgets screaming with axes. No, if you look at what dwarves did in the history of Lord of the Rings, they had awesome siege weapons shaped like boars or something that's

like charging into battle like cool shit and they didn't do that but i don't know i like it seemed like they decided like peter jackson was like all right humans are going to be cool they're going to be like you know sword fighters knights etc elves are going to be superheroes dwarves are going to be jokes and hobbits are going to be children and it'sves are going to be jokes. And hobbits are going to be children. And it's like, no, no, no, no, no. Like hobbits did some cool stuff. They were all like balanced in a Call of Duty sense. You know, equal but different.

And not in the movie though. Yeah. No, yeah, you're right. Like they don't. Like I guess in the Lord of the Rings movies, you get the feeling quickly in the battles where like you see Legolas fighting. And they show like the elven way of fighting where it's all dancey and flowing and like, and like hair flapping.

And then you see Gimli get his kills and it's just, and he just doesn't aim his shot because he doesn't need to aim his shot because every hit is just, he's collapsing the rib cage of whoever he's hitting. Like he's got like his, his axe isn't even that sharp it's just because dwarves have superhuman strength that they can just bludgeon someone and even an uruk-hai is like oh well my entire chest is is liquid now i'm dead like it's i don't know i i always i always like the dwarves because they're an underdog but not too much of an underdog like the hobbits because the hobbits are almost so much of an

underdog that people underestimate them to make them not an underdog again. So I've put a lot of thought into this. Well, I assume you're right. No, when the dwarf got tossed because he couldn't jump, like, one, that's not in the book. Toss me! You have to toss me! At the time, dwarf tossing was a thing that was done in bars. It was a big joke.

And it was demeaning to the... I guess we're not supposed to... I guess you can say dwarves. But in real life, you don't say dwarf. No, dwarf is... Well, I think there's a difference. Midget is incorrect. Dwarf is correct.

Yeah, yeah, dwarf is correct. But it refers to a specific branch of little people. I think little people, and you encompass all them short fellers. So the way it used to be is midgets and dwarves. And now it's little people for all, but you can still say dwarf. I think that a dwarf is a little person who has a head proportionally the same size as a normal-sized person's head.

Yeah, and they got the sausage fingers, and their thigh to shin distance is different. If you look at Peter Dinklage, he's clearly not just a little person. He's a dwarf. His arms and legs are weird lengths. His head is enormous. All that shit. Whereas a little person like Wee Man has a

small head. He's got Vern Troyer. He has a small head, small body. Everything's small. When they did dwarf tossing at bars, I'm not sure they really made that distinction. I think they were just marketing it. You want the lightest dwarf you can get. That's all you care about. Give me that little one. If you can overhand a dwarf, that's the real trick.

Just like a football, so you get that rotation. That's a little insider trick in the industry, is you never want to throw a standard little person. For the same reason that you want to throw a weighted lawn dart, you need a dwarf with that larger head. And so you need to make sure that it sticks in and over in. You want a dwarf with a longer head. Yeah, right, so you can toss a spiral.

A lot of people think when you throw a football, you want to... You put those elven shoes on them, roll. A lot of people think when you throw a football, you want to cage and boom! You put those elven shoes on them so they hawk like a bow and arrow. Like fleshing. You tape fins. I've seen a good bit of Dwarf Toss. It looks like a good time.

Yeah. I haven't been present present i was never present for dwarf tossing but i've watched videos i saw a like a local news like a story on it expose i don't know they they put a negative spin on it of course they did yeah those little people love it i was watching that carl pinkerton show the other day or what pilkerson and And The Moaning of Life is his new two-season thing on Netflix. And, oh, what was the thing he did? Oh, fuck. That show is so fucking funny.

It's really funny. It's really good. If you'd like to, and Idiot Abroad, like, Carl's got a new show and it's really funny. Yeah. You need to check that out, Woody,

if you haven't seen it yet. Idiot Abroad? Idiot Abroad. No, no, The Moaning of Life. Oh, yeah, Moaning of Life. It's the same shit. He's traveling the world, but this time he's looking at specific things about human life and trying to find the meaning of life.

So he goes to this one place in some island country. He's just totally unimpressed with everything. Does it seem a little formulaic sometimes? Like in An Idiot Abroad, sometimes I was like, he never likes anything. That's just his deal. He's like uncomfortable and he's like a bratty teenager that you're dragging from Wonder of the World to Wonder of the World. And he's just like, ah, this train is so rocky. That's why it was funny is because. He's on a dream trip somewhere

and he hates it. They do the summation episodes where at the end of the season they'll be like Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchner. They're like Kyle, what did you enjoy most in China? And he'll have to be like not much of it. Really shit food or stuff

like that. And they even ask at one point what was the most amazing thing you saw in the world he'd seen almost every wonder in the world and he's like yeah i really like the the hippo in the house and then he's like what yeah the hippo in the house and it was just one place he visited where a couple of animal freaks let a hippo live in their house with them yeah and of everywhere in the world he went, the thing that impacted him the most was hippo in the house. There's one episode where it's about childbirth and he ends up going to this place

where the children are born. In that country, it's certainly not a hospital. It's more like a midwife thing and there's a tub where they try to give a water birth and everything. But while he's in his cab to get to that place, he's talking to the cab driver about kidney stones and how he thinks they're more painful than giving birth.

And he's so vindicated when he gets there and the head midwife or whatever is like, yeah, kidney stones are the most painful thing a human can do. I've given birth and I've passed a kidney stone. At least after birth, you're left with a child. You know what I mean? And he was so vindicated. He was like, I told you.

I told you. I told you I had the worst pain ever. And it's worse for a man because our plumbing is thinner. You know, it means his urethra is more narrow. Yeah. I've been told complete hemorrhoidectomy is the worst thing that you can go through. It doesn't sound nice. Yeah, I've been told complete hemorrhoidectomy is the worst thing that you can go through I Doesn't sound really need someone who's had both. Yeah, that's that's a that's a that's a poor individual if

We're gonna have those feelers out for a future guest who suffers from these things I'm googling it. Let's see. What's more painful? I always thought femur breaking was the most painful thing. Really? I wouldn't have guessed femur breaking. Biggest bone in your body.

Burns are so intense in their own way. That's true. When you see someone with horrible burn, that's the worst kind of injury to look at. There are some pains that have a pulsing nature to them or a piercing nature to them or a deep, deep aching kind of feel. Um, when I broke my ankle, it didn't hurt. It hurt a ton when I did it. Cause I was laying there screaming, but

I just remember how awful it was about two days later, I woke up in the middle of the night with it, with it, like pulsating with pain, every heartbeat, like really would make the pain go from a six to like a nine i guess and it was just just just counting those heartbeats and and waiting until the heartbeat that hurt less than the last one it was just terrible oh we watched this before yeah i what's cooler than this though is there's this tribe that weaves bullet ants into uh gloves with the stingers facing in and then to be a warrior you must wear the gloves for five minutes and then repeat this process 20 times

throughout your life before you are a warrior. Yeah, basically by the time that tribe, any adult male, reaches warriorhood, like their hands are beyond fucked up. Like just numb. Ruined from these. Like this is way too long to watch now i was just kind of linking it there if you want to look at it later because this guy just gets stung by so

many horrible insects but god damn like it it's weird to watch an adult get stung by something like this and immediately being like crippling on the ground on the ground like even as he's saying like this guy handles pain like nothing else he's crazy and he's even like like you know they say that i might have to i might start hallucinating from this and it's like you just got stung by one ant and you could be hallucinating that's crazy imagine walking in the forest and you step on this in venezuela or wherever and there's seven of them on your leg before you can knock it off. You're crippled with pain, lying there with your leg basically paralyzed for half a day. So that guy puts himself through pain for YouTube money, right? That's his thing.

Somehow he does it with so much more dignity than the people who jump on a cactus. It's really a similar genre. Because he has scientific study at the heart of it. It's about getting stung by all... Isn't this the guy who made the heart of it it's about getting stung by all isn't this the guy who made the scale of pain for stings he didn't make it but he's been going through the scale of the index pain scale as part of a research that i guess this is a part of he's got to be he's got

to be part of that research right like like i think he's a better authority than whoever made the list if he's been stung by all of them. I believe his work might be used by somebody, but I think he's just a dude getting stung by shit. Ha ha! Well, he did it somehow. He came off to me as an outdoorsman, an expert, and perhaps even like some sort of, what do you call an insect scientist?

Insect biologist. Entomologist? I don't know. No, entomology is a study of word origin. What do you call an insect scientist? An insect biologist. Entomologist? No, entomology is a study of word origin. I don't know. Bugologist? No, I was right. It's entomology.

Oh, it is? Yeah. What am I thinking? Kylie's right. Interesting. Entomology. They're spelled different. Oh, yeah.

Entomology is the study of insects. Etymology is the study of words and their origins okay they should those are those they should have varied that whoever made the word for etymology should have known that was way too similar to the bug word well they're an they're an etymologist they know all the words it wouldn't even get to them it's easy to us it's hard. That's true. All right. Let's tell everyone about the show. Yeah. Let me tell everyone about the sponsors one more time.

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they're patrons, so they're getting it in two hours from right now. So you guys, we're all meeting up Sunday, 2 p.m. Eastern time. Have a good old time. Look forward to seeing you all there. Very good. PKA episode 314, the pie episode.