Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #316

Episode Date: January 12, 2017

This week on PKA, everybody's favorite, IIJERiiCHOII joins the guys and they all talk about the Chicago kidnapping, cruises, interesting foods and Rick & Morty Season 3.

That was pretty good. I think it picked off it like were, but yeah, episode 316 with our guest Tucker. Kyle? Yeah, several sponsors tonight. A brand new one called Texture that you'll learn more about later. Trackers returning, so is NatureBox and Blue Apron. Links for all of those down below. Lots of savings and wonderful things from those sponsors. Check them out. But yeah, let's get right into it. Hate crime! Hate crime. Hate crime.

So what do we know? Is there some anti-Trump person? Well, this is breaking. When you guys listen to this, all of the facts will have come out. So you're probably going to be watching us talk about it going, no, you idiot, that's not right. That was corrected 15 minutes after you stopped recording this evening. But no, we're talking about it as it happened because I found it at the time.

Oh, wait, quickly. Let me just mention that. We are recording on Wednesday night, which means the patrons are getting this on Wednesday night. Just a couple bucks a month. Check out the Patreon link below, and you too would have gotten it on Wednesday night. Can I flip it one more thing? Us covering breaking news like this in which Chicago police four in custody after apparently they kidnapped and tortured a young man for being a Trump supporter. Taylor.

And what was the quote? He just has a message that he wanted us to get in at the top of the show. All the posters are sent out. The fulfillment is done. The poster was successful and it's closed and we're not selling them anymore. So if you ordered one, he said it would come next week. Nice. And I had to say that.

Please, let's do the... Trump supporters torched the Chicago by black teens. We don't know, though. It says in the article of the breaking news, it says that on this Facebook live stream, they were saying, fuck Donald Trump and fuck white people. So, obviously, he might not even be a Trump supporter.

Who knows? Dude, when you break it down, this guy and the nightclub shooter, he might not even be a trump supporter what who could have who who knows i don't know dude when you break it down this guy and the nightclub shooter will just never know what they were thinking i mean why why inside the head of someone like that it's just i just can't yeah the group it's the to be clear it's the group of uh of do we know how old they are teens i'm gonna go like i'm guessing early 20s, maybe. You know, you got to... I don't know.

I am down. When did you do your first kidnapping, Tucker? Young adults. I'm only 23, so I've only got 300 on my belt. I kidnapped 11 before I was a man-girl. Yeah. That's crazy, man. Young adults.

So, I don't know if we... The victim was special needs? Oh, even better. So, I don't know the victim was special needs oh even better so i don't know if we spelled that perfectly but what this is these these these teens live streamed them tying this guy up and torturing him onto their facebook page while screaming racial slurs against this white person and mentioning donald trump they cut his scalp from what i read i don't know with a knife and they kick him. They kick him and they beat him. So torture, when I hear torture, I think the worst,

because I'm exposed to the internet. I think of some of the ISIS stuff that I've seen. Yeah. This doesn't quite get to torture, although if I were him, I might feel tortured. But torture is just really a shocking word. He gets cut and he gets beaten severely, though. I don't want to diminish what this is.

He's tied up, right? But they did pull his fingernails out. Yeah, he's tied up. This definitely counts as torture because the terror of torture is got to be sitting there tied up knowing that at any moment they could come just stab your eye out and you'd just be hopeless like yeah like i i just i don't want to not call it torture because what else would you call like he was not inconvenienced this afternoon like kidnapped which is a major crime in itself it's like the third worst thing you can do is kidnap some it's murder rape and kidnapping like that's a you get 25 years for that i'm really stuck on

the special needs thing maybe it's just my sons it says the victim who was special needs was a high risk missing person from northwest suburban crystal lake that's fucked up at that point i feel like if they abduct me and do shit like at least i'm part of the system that's fucking them out of whatever they're pissed off at right you know maybe they bought a rank at woody craft and now they're mad i don't know but um you know but but if it's a special needs, like a high-risk missing person, like high-risk meaning you probably can't find his way home, why would you torture that guy?

That guy's not part of whatever machine. Because if you're the kind of person that would torture someone, then you're the kind of person that would torture a special needs person because it's going to be easier to get away with your torture. These four people clearly. Yeah, they're clearly not that bright because if you're going to torture someone like there's never been a successful serial killer that live streamed his killings and like dared you to come find him. Like, no, like they, you know, they leave little clues afterward and send cryptic notes in urine that you have to use lemon juice on or something like they don't do this. And yeah, these people clearly are are not bright. And I really hope they have to go to juice on or something. They don't do this. These people clearly are not bright

and I really hope they... I have to go to prison for a long, long time. Hope they don't get out. You should probably go to jail for life for this. Kidnapping a mentally handicapped person and torturing them. Yeah, that sounds like some 25 to life kind of nasty shit. I'm sorry, you're not passing go again. You're not collecting another 200 bucks.

You're fucking in jail. Get out of here. That's like a one strike and you're out policy. Oh, did you? It's the special needs aspect of it. I know we've beaten this topic to death, but goddammit, it's just too expensive to incarcerate people. We need something

else. Something between... No, well, I love the gladiatorial system that I've been a long proponent for taking our worst criminals and making them fight to the death and selling it. The running man was not. It was a wonderful idea. Schwarzenegger is expensive, but it is expensive. But the pay-per-view numbers would would would vastly outpace that.

It's a better UFC like the UFC, but it but mix the UFC. The UFC is a nice a nice thing, but let's keep it there. The ultimate felon championship. The Thunderdome. Like the Thunderdome, right? It's a big bird cage with cages so they can fly around in there with some bungee cords so they can jump and fly around with weapons and stuff and hack at each other. And they all have nicknames about what they did.

Yeah. Whatever their crime was, that's like their nickname. The special needs torturer, Richardson. They like push him out there. Marky the manslaughter. Savard. I just had too much to drink. I'm so sorry.

It was vehicular. She just ran out in front of me. I'm so sorry. It was vehicular. She just ran out in front of me. I swear to God. Kyle, maybe the answer is just to make capital punishment more efficient. Beatings. I want public lashings. I think that

public canings should definitely come into play. I really, really honestly do. For a certain level of crime, I don't know what it is. It's mostly piddling stuff, but it's like a DUI. Your third DUI, that's a caning. That's too easy. That's too easy.

No, no, no. Have you ever been caned? Let's not talk about my private life. I'm shocked that caning came up. Jackie's got nothing on the local magistrate. I have an article pulled up about caning. So I will link that to you. And this is an example as to why caning could do a lot for American culture.

So this is a story from 1994, and this 19-year-old American was in Singapore, and he was spray-painting vandalism. And because he was raised in America, he thought vandalism meant you get a slap on the wrist, and they say, hey, you no-good Nick, you quit that. You stop doing that right away, or maybe you might get in trouble. Nope, not in Singapore.

In Singapore, they take graffiti very fucking seriously apparently because this guy got caught doing it and they caned him publicly as a 19 year old tourist from America and, oh, it's pretty long. It's one page.

Yeah, I mean, yeah, they said that he basically said he was dying after he got hit once, and I guess he only got caned six strokes and four months in jail, but it's a half-inch thick, and it was reduced to four. How, like, is that bad? He was put on cane on May 5th, left three dark brown scars on his right buttock, and four lines each about half an inch wide on his left buttock.

Like, that, imagine the shock oh my god i would love to see a video of this event just zoomed in on his face as you see the first understanding of what a caning is as he's probably like god they're not gonna beat me in public for spraying USA on the side of that old shitty building I mean, they're not gonna what are they gonna do? They're gonna spank me in public This is a weird cultural thing. Look at this. Oh, look at this little guy coming over Oh, I just imagine like they bring him out They they position him in the center and then and then like some ring announcer comes out and now hailing from the northern province Mr. Miyagi

Mr. Miyagi comes out with this cane, starts going through this whole kata, he's like flipping it around, you just hear it whistling through there, It's Singapore, and so nobody's got anything to do, and so there's just hundreds of people gathered around, watching this. Dude, Singapore doesn't fuck around. Like, that's the one place I would never, ever consider, like, chewing gum and putting it on the sidewalk is, like, a felony offense, something like that.

That's a canin. That'll be a canin. That's a canin. You know what? You know, petty crime in Singapore has to be a thing of the past at this point when they're like, God, I could just spit my gum out 50 yards from here

and put it in the garbage can, or I can spit it out right now. Well, do I want to risk getting caned in public? Just swallow it, Mikey. Just swallow it. Don't take any chances. Swallow my gum. I bet everybody tips their waiters and waitresses.

I bet everybody's on their best behavior. Dude, so one, it was 12 strokes of the cane. No, ma'am. All strokes? Two is 12, but yeah, that's what it says on Wikipedia. And he was found guilty of 50 counts of vandalism. He spray-painted lots of cars. Is that what he did?

Well, then, this fucking idiot. Fuck that guy. I thought he was just like USA on one building. I was like, oh, no. No, no. I don't know exactly how he felt. Yeah, that's terrible. And fuck him.

There was a Simpsons episode made about this guy. Do you remember that? Yeah, so the Simpsons go to Australia, and Bart does some faux pas, right? And he gets sentenced to the Australian version, a booting, a booting, where someone puts on a huge kicking boot, and they kick you in the ass.

And at the end, they save Bart from the booting and pull him away into the air. Apparently, they were able to cheaply fix all the cars. I think if you spray paint a car, you can actually wipe it off. Depends on the paint. It's what it said on the article here. Oh, well, good.

Yeah, but 12 strokes of the cane, and they counted next to him. They're like, you know, bam. Okay, Michael, three more. Boom. Okay, two more. You're almost done. Boom. All right, just one more after this. I can count, goddammit! I know exactly what number we're on, motherfucker! At this point, you have three more strokes.

That might be part of the torture. I don't know where I stand. Caning sounds brutal. If I'm the guy counting, I'm like, wait, wait. Was it two or three? No, no, it was two. I'm like, no! It was three! It was three! I it was two. I'm like, no, it was three.

It was three. I only count two. Look at my ass. You can count the hash marks. You've got five. They do like, you know, you keep score like with four lines down and one diagonal. Like, it's a one to go on. I like that idea.

I like that idea. I like the idea of that happening, though, because in real life, I would never want that. But it's just interesting to think about how, like, the level of panic that set in when he got captured. Because in the United States, like, you could get arrested for murder, and your punishment isn't going to be, all right right you have to spend 10 minutes in the ring with three angry cops that just beat the shit out of you or whatever like that's just not a

punishment style here so when someone says like you know oh you caught you with vandalism your punishment is a caning like that has to be just like the worst feeling in the world like oh my god what year is it they're gonna beat me in public because i maybe you don't take it serious yeah you don't take it serious you're like oh a spanking is it to be well i'll be i'll take my licks and be on my way and then mr miyagi of course comes out oh man they put his ass was he nude was it was it was it complete bare ass probably i assume but i don't know you You know, it matters big time, right? Like, I bet it was bare ass. I'd hate to take a caning. Did you guys ever sneak extra clothes on when you were getting spanked as a kid? Or was it always a bare ass to make sure there was no finagling around?

There was no warning on the woody beatings. The woody beatings came suddenly and by surprise. There was just, there was just, oh fuck! What did i do no but no i was never able to prepare and slip a book in there like that didn't happen i was uh i was sentenced to like i don't remember if it was three or five swats and that's what they were called at our school and uh a grown-ass man was gonna hit you with a big fucking paddle that's what it means it's a paddle it's kind of like a cricket bat um it's the the paddling college or in elementary school it sounds like hazing this is middle school this is middle

i'm like i'm uh 13 or 14 at this point uh like eighth grade and the hitting part of the paddle is about 18 to 20 inches long i would say say, and like four inches, three or four inches wide, at least four wide. And it's got holes drilled in it. It's got holes drilled in it. And there's names. It was old, guys. It was old. It had that look around the edges where the wood had been worn

and like sanded down from years of just use. And it looked shiny from like the oil of the hand. Did you get your name on it if they beat you? There were names scrawled on it, but I was pretty shaky after the whooping, so I couldn't really. Was it so old that there were old-timey names on there? Abraham. Abraham's a good one. You know?

40 weeks, 1832. More tomorrow. and i just they sentenced me to these swats and i was pretty afraid of because i asked others and they were like yeah it's no joke you know he doesn't it's he really fucking hits you real hard in there it hurts and i was like ah i don't like the sound of that so for they don't tell you when it's coming though so for like a week i'm wearing so many underwear guys i have so much underwear on that like in the locker room at PE I'm like look at this look at this and I'm just showing one two three I got like it varied because something you know my my mom is like Jesus. He's running through underwear

Seems like one just changed the is your dad starting the inner could have rotated I was really developing into a hippie young man. A lot of ass weight on that kid. Very pear-shaped. From like eight pair to twelve pair. It varied on the laundry cycle, but I just remember there was one day

when I was just like, today's not the day. It's a Friday. It wouldn't be today. It was that day. And I took a real licking with this one pair of underwear on. And I remember it. I didn't cry, but I could feel like that if I wanted to cry, I could cry. Like it really brought a tear to my eye.

He hit me so goddamn hard. It hurt. There was a trance first student at my middle school. And he came from a school where beating was allowed. And so that was one of his first inquiries. He's did they beat you at this school and we're all like what no no teachers don't hit you he's like yeah yeah not the teachers the principal when you go to the principal's office does he beat you there's no paddle and we're like this is ridiculous so he told us all about the paddle and what caught my attention was the culture around it he's like if you cry

everyone gives you a pass it's like gay sex in prison he's like you know what like you can't cry in school but you can cry right here there's different rules yeah when you're being fucked in prison it doesn't yeah it doesn't make you a sissy to cry during the paddling and it doesn't make you gay to have a little sex in prison you know i never got even okay i never got beat but what i did have was in kindergarten one of my earliest uh memories was uh i was i was getting bit by a kid in class like he'd bite my hand and then he i wouldn't like it was obnoxious i guess i because i'd tell somebody about it but then the kid would bite himself and run to the teacher and say that i would bite him so then it happened two or three times before they caught on,

but during those two or three times, I'd have to go to the principal's office, she'd have a bowl of rice grains, and she'd tip it over on the floor, and I'd have to pick up every rice grain and put it in this bowl, while sitting behind the open door, like it would shut into a triangle, like between the wall, and I'm on this stool, and I'm like a little kid just putting rice grains into this bowl once it was Done what else did professor? Torture they yelled Trump while you did it

Yeah, it was weird, and then I got took and take out of that school. So my mom was like what is this? I never got beat. I can't imagine learning anything from being forced to I Thanks a lot of count. Yeah, I don't have to back and do math as long as I'm picking up this rice. I'm going to have a very leisurely pickup rate if that's the case, ma'am. You're eating the rice. I never got paddled, but our elementary school teacher

had exactly the thing you're talking about, Kyle. I don't remember it being as large as a paddle. It had holes in it, and it definitely did not have autographs of previous victims. That's pretty fucked. I don't know why. I like that because

you know, did they have years next to it too? I remember there being lots of stuff written on it. I don't remember exactly what it was, but it just makes sense that it would be names. At the time, I don't think it really even occurred to me because I was terrified. But as I'm thinking about it, it definitely had shit sense that it would be names. At the time, I don't think it really even occurred to me because I was terrified.

But as I'm thinking about it, it definitely had shit written on it. I feel like every time you get beat, you should sign it, right? And then you can be like, dude, Woody from 1987 was a legend. His name's on here like 19 times. Some cash marks. Like college football players with their touchdown stickers or whatever. Yeah, yeah. It's like, man, there's a fucking ton of Woodworth stickers on this thing.

Right? Like your children start getting on it. Like generations of bad behavior. And that would have been a great, if we had stolen the paddle, that would have been a great prank. That would have been cool. I should have done that. Did you ever have a good prank, like a pull off of a prank in school whether it was on like a fellow student

or the faculty or whatever i got caught i always got caught any any of them get far enough to be funny i only if you think like stink bombing the entire school is funny i think that's pretty funny well yeah i stunk bombed the whole school i went to the fireworks store and bought dozens and dozens of those little glass vial stink bombs. I cut a small hole in my pocket so I could walk down the hallway with a handful of these things, dropping them down my pants leg, letting those behind me stomp them and break them. Yeah, I would. Dirt the prison yard. Yeah, exactly like that.

I was like smelly Andy Duffresne just stinking up everything behind me as i went and uh and with no mercy i would take them and put we had the with metal desk i guess everyone has the same fucking desk in the u.s but they're heavy and i would lift up the the leg and put the stink bomb just under the leg and it would stay you sit in it's gonna break it so i didn't want to be there when it went off i was doing my best not to get caught and somehow they got someone told on me, I'm sure. Someone ratted me out. Sounds like you ratted yourself out first, right?

That's step one. You tell your buddies that you're bad, and then your buddies tell someone else. Yeah, something like that must have happened. Yeah, yeah, definitely so. But I just remember, like, Mr. Howell, the principal, being like, you know, was it you? And me just, no, absolutely not. No, he's like, well, can we search your car? And I was like, yeah, yeah, let's go.

And we start walking toward my car. And like eight steps in, I go, my car is full of those things, just so you know. I thought you were bluffing, Mr. Howell. I do like that you made him walk out there. Yeah, yeah. We're on our way. Yeah, I was like, yeah, let's go right way. Yeah, yeah. I was like, yeah, let's go right now.

Yeah. I'm so enthusiastic about it, I'm hoping you don't bother. It's a long walk. It's a long walk. As a matter of fact, I'm going to run ahead and prepare the car for you.

And the worst part about it was that morning when I was going in the school, I had this inkling in my head that like, because this was day two of stink bombing the school, I thought to myself, I should really take all my reserve stink bombs and hide them under the dumpster that i parked next to i i had it in my head to do it that morning i took eight i took

a few steps from my car looked back at it and i i just didn't want to go back i just i was like you know i knew i should have done it i knew i should have hid those things so that if it did go down, I'd be prepared. But alas, I got suspended for, I think, three days. You hear about stuff like that. Sometimes the criminal wants to be caught. They want to be found. They want to orchestrate the grand stink bomb scheme. But upon seeing it happen,

they realize I can't go on with no one knowing i was behind it and so maybe unbeknownst to you yourself you sabotaged your own mission that day so everyone would know kyle myers he mattered you know he did something the guy he was the one who made it smell like rotten egg everywhere i never got caught for it but we used to break into my it most people call it middle school in ocean city they into my... Most people call it middle school. In Ocean City, they called it intermediate school, but it was middle school. Wait, you went to... Sorry, you went to middle school in Ocean City?

Ocean City, New Jersey, yeah. Oh, never mind. Different one. Anyway, there was... I forgot exactly how we got there, but the second floor windows tended to be unlocked frequently, and you could go to the chain link fence to like they had these really well-constructed downspouts not like the one on your house but

these were like solid metal yeah and uh so the the chain link fence would get you like two-thirds up towards the roof and then we could shimmy up the downspouts the rest of the way and then all the second floor windows were open and once once we figured this out, it became like a regular thing. Like we all would like, it was like, oh, it's getting, you know,

twilight out. What do you want to do? Let's break into the school again. Like, yeah, fuck it. You know, like we haven't spent enough time at school.

What did you do once you got in there? Did you ever, did you steal anything? Even, even something like piddling or did you, did you break anything? Did you, what did you do?

Did you go in and like do all the homework early to surprise your teachers? Right. That sounds like me. Grade all the papers for her. We weren't vandals. We were trespassers, so we would go to the parts of the school that we otherwise couldn't go. We'd check out the teacher's lounge. We'd check out the principal's office. We'd open drawers and stuff.

Edgy. Edgy? I don't know. We were just idiots. I just wanted to see the things I wasn't allowed to see. I never broke anything or caused any real trouble i was just like you know i don't know like looking at things i wasn't allowed to go to like the girls locker room and oh yeah yeah no we went to girls locker rooms we went to go through their stuff and find their underwear no no we just saw her we're like oh girls bathroom, look, they've got a stall for every toilet. Well, I guess we had a stall for every toilet.

Like, you know, yeah, yeah. I thought they just have a trough. Yeah, yeah. And, oh, the girls' showers. I felt like this is an injustice. The showers had all curtains and everything, so the girls could all shower privately while the guys were just treated like livestock,

you know, with heads how sexist open area yeah yeah but like that's the kind of thing we do i never went into the girls locker room but i had a friend who went into the girls locker room and he said that they all got their own separate shower and for the guys it was basically just they shovel you into this big open room with a bunch of shower heads and i had both we had a as much, but if only five of the twelve shower heads work, that's a problem. What did you say doesn't matter as much? I didn't care of just being in the big

room. Of course you didn't! You were puberty blessed, right? If your penis was small, like that of say, a seven year old, while you're still fourteen, you wouldn't like it as much. You'd have a much stronger opinion. It depends on priorities. still 14 you wouldn't like it as much you'd have a much stronger opinion did you guys really use those showers in the entire time i did not know of a single person that ever used our school shower only football players

used the showers the only not even them so so and they didn't use them at school they used them after school after their practice. There was never a situation where there were naked people showering during school hours. Maybe once or twice there was a football player who like – because I had early morning weightlifting class, and there was a couple of football players in there. And it's possible that one of them might have rinsed off once or twice. But our showers were dirty and gross. Yeah, they were nasty. off once or twice but like our showers were dirty and gross yeah they were nasty they were they got they seemed to the at least to my untrained eye to get used so little that there was like dirt on

the floor in the shower room and uh but there were a couple of divider walls there was like maybe eight shower heads where you just stood out in the open like prison style and then there were a couple of divider walls for maybe three guys if they wanted to could find a little privacy nobody showered after p e we don't work no we like no you just i mean you just kind of lived with it i mean yeah you might sweat a little bit but at the end of the day you know we had like a group thing like there'd be an activity right and if you did something that made you sweat like crab soccer or something oh yeah everybody showered if you did something that didn't make you sweat like uh archery then nobody showered i showered after every single did something that didn't make you sweat, like archery, then nobody showered. I showered after every single PE because I love hot showers.

I'm not going to pass it up. You're just showing your dick off. That's what it is. You just like – Yes. You and your adult dick. No, but I had it at age 12. His hairy chest.

It was the complete opposite of what you guys are describing. You guys, like, in my school, you were a weirdo if you didn't shower. Like, if you were sitting in, like, third hour, and I smelled somebody, and I knew I had PE with them, I'd be like, dude, what the hell? Like, you smell bad. Like, you either are bait, you're covered in ax trying to cover up BO, or you just said screw it and didn't, like. We'd give, like, shit to people who would go and, and like do wrestling or basketball or whatever and then go and not shower it's like dude you're gross like you really think chicks are cool with you just smelling like an asshole the rest of the day like wouldn't you rather smell I just didn't see the reason to not want

to shower first of all if you had PE early in the day it was great because you don't have to shower before you get to school you just go straight have PE and then you do your daily shower after PE and then go to class I did that for second semester the very idea of that is so like off-putting to me the idea of my morning shower ritual now being like now being at school where like anything could go wrong maybe class goes too long and i don't get to wash my ass there was a scheduling there was a scheduling error my second semester senior year and so i had study hall following my pe and so i could get their pe and then everybody else like oh shit we gotta shower real quick and i was like i'm taking my sweet time i i would bring a plastic chair in and point all the working hot showers at me

and i would sit there i actually did that my senior year i would make the freshmen wait to shower until after i was done for a while. I'd just sit on this like throne and make them all wait. That was- but- I'm just imagining these kids turning the corner. You're just sitting, all the shower heads pointed, man spread, your dick's just on the chair. You're just staring at like- you can wave right there, son. Who's got shampoo for me you know the first guy to

shower his responsibility was to turn on every shower so the second guy could walk right into hot water oh my chest hair boy I feel like you guys had weird you guys lived in like a different I mean you guys are older than me but I just feel like that's a whole... You guys lived in a different... I mean, you guys are older than me, but I just feel like that's a whole different thing. I don't know a single person I grew up with

that took a shower at school. I don't know anybody who did it. I'm only like two years older than you. Yeah, Taylor's pretty young. Yeah, I don't know. Middle America stuff. 23? I turn 24 next month, two months from now.

Taylor's 25. I'm still... I, on the other hand like my high school was actually black and white you guys might not know that i didn't get that for a second that was you know do you guys have this like when you would shower in any public shower like that that feeling of panic when you it goes from like cold to hot cold to hot again Like that's it have soap in your eyes I don't know what it is because I know that I'm safe standing in a shower and that

And it gets really cold or really hot my like I always just imagine that some sort of ghoul or evil person has snuck up Behind me and changed the water to scalding and is waiting for me to fall in harm. I don't know what fucking movie I saw as a kid, but I can't – Psycho? Yeah. It, rather? Maybe It, actually. Maybe It.

That's that shower scene. Yeah. Stab him. I don't know. I agree with you, though. Even in my own home – not now. I'm an adult. I don't get scared but like when i but when i was like in my in my home uh you know growing up when i was always fine but as soon as i had my shampoo

or whatever and i'm putting my head underneath there if i heard a noise i'm like you know supersonic washing so i can go check it out like i don't know what it is but i'm vulnerable now you're gonna stab me i'm dead like i can't see anything the only thing i can relate uh to that is being in vr and uh and it just it shuts both your major senses off you know you can't see or hear and i lock that door and i i on the outside of that door i put some stuff so that you know it would be loud and cumbersome to even get in because like as you know nobody's gonna come get me but what if they do but you know your life yeah like yeah oh yeah hypothetically like kitty or something wanted

to come in the room does she know how to enter it like i'm banging loudly on the door you gotta bang the fuck out of the door so i can hear through these uh what's the password kyle i have a similar like thing i don't know how long it's been since I've been on but since I moved I'm in a soundproof booth right now so like I I can't hear anything outside and nobody can hear me I have a window that looks into my kitchen so if somebody does happen to walk into my home I will see them but at the same time it's like if there's a fire going on and my fire alarm's going off i will not know until smoke is covering my window and then i'm dead so why the booth is it uh upstairs neighbors were uh work from home can't you know i'm a loud dude can't do it right right i would

have gotten evicted so okay okay i was wondering if it was so that you didn't hear them or they didn't hear you well yeah so they don't hear me yeah and they don't hear the screens exactly or what have you it's a murder chamber chamber out here yeah new topic sure dude so i had paul ryan's uh inauguration right uh if people don't know inauguration it's basically when they get re-sworn into office or what have you his son was dabbing in the background i wish i could that's not paul ryan's son no it was a it was the lawmaker who was getting sworn or who was swearing in i think was dabbing oh my i misunderstood i thought um it's even worse honestly like it's not even paul ryan was telling him to like put his hand down. I saw a gif or something. He thought he was sneezing. Yeah, I don't know.

Oh, he did? Yeah. I want to see. The lawmaker apologized on Twitter. He's like, just so you know, he's grounded. Which is great. He's got like a Nazi with allergies look. Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

He's covering his nose there. I just love the description of Yahoo News' idea of what a dab is. It's like, no, like, not a single, it's, it says, often used as celebration by athletes. It looks like an aggressive sneeze. I mean, nobody, we're all glossing over the fact that from when you, when you smoke wax or oil-acidic marijuana and you cough your lungs out and then you're crying, so you wipe your face. Yeah, but let's not tell them that.

I didn't know that either. Yeah, that's what the dad is doing. You're just dying. You're like... Let's not tell them that, though. Don't tell them. It's funnier this way. All these kids just having a good time. Apparently, they're

rolling the dice! Yeah! Have you seen the newest thing? know apparently they're rolling the dice yeah have you seen the newest thing the kids are all rolling the dice they say if you do it over your mouth with your mouth open you can even taste salt i tried it i couldn't taste it for the life of me but my kids have a lot of fun games to play the internet's what they call it you know can anyone find a video of it i can't find a video of it? I can't find a video. Just the gif. I think that we've got the full picture here. A gif would be good.

Right after this, they shut him down. Well, the way I remember, because I saw an image at some point, he kind of went up and did his thing. I think Paul Ryan tried to put his arm down. Then he did it again. I wanted to show that to everybody how much of like a a but like there's there's no winning in that situation if you're paul ryan because you either tell a kid to hey stop doing this move and everybody's like look at this square boob idiot or he just lets him do it and he makes it looks like all right this is actually worse i'm this is not i thought this was a slowed down gif he he doesn't dab he just fucking does this for like five seconds.

Like the whole thing, he's just standing there front and center. Thank you, Tucker. This is exactly the kind of thing I was looking for. He's just posing in the pictures doing his dab. And this is why I thought he was Paul Ryan's son because Paul Ryan is the one that sort of puts his arms down and stuff. And I like that he was – I don't judge politicians when their kids behave badly. I don't. I can't.

This isn't that bad. This isn't that bad. You can tell the kid's laughing. If the kid had looked at his dad like, yeah, dad, I just ruined your fucking moment. He didn't do it. He was like, ah, come on. It's funny. The kid's laughing about it.

It's all lighthearted. I think it's funny. The funniest part to me is that, A, literally says you know he's hitting the dab that's how they phrase it and b of course is as tucker points out nobody really knows what dabbing even is or what they're even talking about so it's really funny to hear him talk about it like everyone said skeet skeet for a long time. That's ejaculate. Ejaculate. Such a white family.

You just know that the wife's looking over me like, oh, you know that Alan loves hip hop. Look at the guy on the right. Look at the guy far right. What's his problem? He looks like he just shit his pants. The guy on the far right sharted about 90 seconds ago. He is having a panic attack. Bad day to wear khakis. Oh, my God.

Why did I think it was white pants a good day today? He looks really uncomfortable. Look at his hand. Look at his hand. His clothes are from the 80s. Look at his butt. I didn't want to say it, but look how big that guy's ass is. He's wearing at least 30 pairs of underwear.

He must be going to get some swaps later. That's what that is. He's expecting a spanking after this. You guys remember, who was the guy that got second place as the Republican presidential candidate? Lion Ted Cruz. He went to kiss his kids, and his kids were pushing away. Oh, stop. That was the worst thing to watch.

Very cringy. But I give him a break, man. Not on that one. I do. Because I'm looking at the body language and the facial reactions. So I look at this one. The father looks, and he's immediately like, oh, I can't believe you did that, kid. And the kid's like, ah, can you believe I did it, everybody?

But with Lion Ted, what happened was he was like, come here, honey. The cameras are on. Let's make me look like a father. And she's like, get the fuck away from me. You don't kiss me when they're not here. You don't kiss me now. Your kiss is gross, Dad. I don't want any fucking part of it.

That was what she was all about during that moment. From the look on her face, she did not want to be where she was In front of those cameras period She didn't want to be on that bus She didn't want to be on this tour She didn't want him running for president And she sure as fuck didn't want to get kissed In front of millions of people and her friends She's like 12 or something

I'm like 15 She's not old enough to know When she's like stop That's nasty She was mad at her dad at the moment And teenage girls do that i'm totally on woody's side either like i thought he was wrong for trying to kiss her there like he's i agree with i agree with kyle yeah i'm on her side and i would i would have the same reaction if i were in

her shoes with my brain i'd be like get the ew all right first of all you gross dad like my my dad doesn't fucking lay a lay any kisses on me. I would think it was a little gross if my dad randomly tried to kiss me when some cameras were around me. I'd have the exact same reaction. And I love my dad. Yeah, but I don't think that it's in any way reminiscent of him being a horrible father

or something like they tried to project. What I think it is is exactly what Woody's saying. I can picture myself at 12 or 13, 14, 15, whatever, if my dad's running for president and he said, hey, you have to stop playing Call of Duty 4 and come with me because we're going to fucking Connecticut and you're going to have to stand there and look happy while I'm talking. I'm going to be like, wow, fuck you, dad.

This is bullshit. I don't get to be president. And then I get off the plane and he tries to give me a big hug. I'm going to be like, no, you just took me away from my games. It's summer. You're running for president, but I'm 14, so I don't fucking care. That's just how I feel it is. She's not even 12. She's not 10, 9, or 8. She's 7.

For some reason, we all pictured her older. I thought she was 15. I thought she was 15. Ew! Or if it was creepy, like she started doing something like he goes in for the kiss and she gets on her knees. He's like, oh, get up little girl!

Oh no, no, no. This idea is like kids say the darndest things or kids always tell the truth. They don't. Kids are in the moment. Kids say all sorts of wacky things. She could be mad at her dad and intentionally... No, my thing though is if he didn, is if he didn't have a kind of history of awkward photo ops,

I would have probably given him a bigger benefit of the doubt. But you remember the one with his wife, right? Where he turns and he hugs, like... Who does he hug? He hugs somebody, kisses the dude, elbows his wife, and then elbows his wife again in the face. And then she's just like like what are you doing it's like why would you hug him first like congrats like the fuck is going on here i it's i do believe that there's a certain like on and off camera and there's a difference in his

family right i think it was him who shot the commercial and they were like doing these uh like heartfelt family moments and then they do another take and like another take and then that all came out do you guys remember that i don't i it could have possibly been jeb but i think it was cruz and uh it was just like oh i think it was jeb because then people complained about bringing the kids into like the political spectrum and they were like you can't attack the kids for like spouting talking points and then i was like, but you put them into talk talking points. So like they're fair game now, right? Like I don't know and that's an uncomfortable gift to watch There's like a technique on that elbow

He's got better technique than Rhonda. That's where I was going there. I was waiting for a spot. He's right about to give her a face wash. He gives her a punch and an elbow. I like it. She's like going for the elbow. That's beautiful.

This is a sneaky elbow. This is an after the play elbow that's snuck by the refs. This is a dirty elbow. He's got a double hug in there. Then he takes it away from his wife. Punch, elbow. The thing thing is that like he makes an initial contact so he knows he hit her, or somebody, right? And then he has the lack of awareness continue forward in the same trajectory. He's like, Oh, okay. I'm coming through here, I gotta hug my man.

Well, then do it, huh? That'll get you out of my fucking way. You see me trying to hug the man. For- Farina? I forgot he chose a vice presidential candidate. I didn't even know he did. Yeah, he did. It was so embarrassing and funny.

And of course, his opposition on both sides used that as such a laughing point. They're like, Ted Cruz picked a VP candidate for... I'm not really sure what she's going to be the vice president of. Not America, you know. And they would just laugh.

And then she fell. And then Carly Fiorina fell at that one event. Like she fucking and is gone. Like falls out of sight. And Ted just goes, oh shit. She's down. And goes back to like hobnobbing. It was great. It was a rough year for female

politicians equilibrium yeah yeah they they swung off they swung back the other way i saw a video today this is about uh about sexism and and gender roles and all that stuff and they were and maybe we've talked about this before but i don't remember and they were talking about selective service and signing it for the draft and first they asked all these women if they thought that females should be able to do everything in the military that men can do, etc. Of course they all said yes. I remember this, yeah. And then the one girl's like, oh there are ways to carry people for a small girl can actually carry a large man. And I was thinking like, like a forklift? Or like what are you talking about?

Yeah, and then they move on. Like she gets her dad to help? Yeah, if he helps her, you know. Because normally when a woman needs something moved in my world they call me um so that it can be actually moved but getting past that little sexist bullshit she he goes to the selective service thing he's like so you know would you want to they'd be able to draft you and and she's like well if they if women want to fight they should be able to he's like no no no you would have to fight you would just be you would be drafted and then you would go fight and then and it was a whole different story then it was pretty interesting a lot of them though their credit were like i guess fair is fair but you could tell at

the heart of them they were like but i hope not yeah that was uh that was the biggest like push of anti-suffragettes like one of the biggest like some of the biggest anti-women suffrage movements were women surprisingly if you go back and look at it which is odd but no one of them yeah and they were saying like uh or one of their arguments was i don't remember what her name was but she was like like no we don't want this like we've got it pretty good right now like i don't want to go to war i don't want to have to be conscripted into the military. Like, there's no reason for us to have to go do that. And people were like, no, we want to do that. And then they got the right to vote and didn't have to sign up for selective service anyway.

And so I guess it was kind of the best of both worlds. Like, hey, you get this privilege and you don't have to have responsibility. Who has a problem with that? Like, I mean, I'll be honest. If they were like, hey, you know, Tucker, you're're you're part German we're not gonna we don't draft part Germans into the end of war I'd be like great thank you honestly like I get it not fair don't care I'm benefiting okay I'm okay with this like and camp so we can keep an eye on you not okay with that one

luckily you're half German not Japanese you're right and I'm half Irish too so like kind of fun yeah I'm a little too, so like, kind of fucked. I'm a little hooligan. I reserve the right to change my mind, but right now my mood is like, you know what? This sounds like an adventure. Like, this sounds pretty badass. Like, they want to conscript me to war? I don't think I'd be very good at it. They will not conscript you to war.

Yeah, they have very solid reasoning on it, but they did... You know, I thought about this for a while. I feel like we go to war it would have to exist for like three years before they start drafting right and then it would have to exist yeah yeah not like a global war yeah yeah so but we do that with volunteer troops for like three years or so right and then it would take probably three or four or five years before they start drafting people in their 40s.

At which point, at five years, I'm 48. These are Vietnam-era numbers, though. You're talking about losing 10,000 men a year. This is the future. Maybe we lose half a million on day one. Maybe day one, a quarter million are dead. Oh, yeah. Maybe we're being physically invaded. Maybe there's a

beach invasion. Maybe Mexico has made friends with China and China has promised them all of Texas and California if they assist in this invasion. It's a mainland thing and we're fighting Mexico. Now the wall will slow them down, of course.

The wall will keep them back for a great long time. Well, you know know in some places you know what's it you know that's interesting because i'm thinking to myself like obviously there's no way in hell like if if if we're at war in some other country that i'm like yeah put me on a ship let's go i'm a train i'm a fight over there but if they're invading our homeland that mentality is definitely subject to change i'm not gonna be jumping to go fight but at the same time it's a lot easier to convince somebody it's like see california it's fuck it's gone you want to get in there and help or not versus like go over to this desert and fight some people so over there they can stay safe you know it's a little bit more i don't even think you'd need to be conscripted into the military

if it was a fight on u.s soil like there's there's just no military on earth that could conquer the u.s like they'd have to go complete scorched earth coast to coast burn it otherwise they're gonna be going door to door like uh can I see your papers it's like oh well this process is going very badly in the south and Midwest so far lots of men dead you know because you could it just wouldn't work yeah you could disrupt communication and power grids it would seem feasible though right because if your army can't communicate and it can't rally if it can't figure out where the bad guys are and respond to them effectively But the bad guys can if they've got radar

And we don't if they EMP us with some sort of weapon that I'm not familiar with And all of a sudden all of our electrical grids go down and you can't even make a cell phone call to your mother much Less a general deciding where you know a division of troops are gonna go who knows I don't know The future scary who the fuck is gonna do a ground invasion at this nobody there's no point to it there's no point to it it's just throwing people away and money like there's no point to it like how do you benefit from that yeah that's why it makes sense why you want to take the i guess back then for first the suffrage thing like that was pre-world war that was like world war ii time pre-world or world war one time pre-world war ii

when they got the right to vote. And so it made sense back then to be like, yeah, I don't want to get drafted because literally like what? 18 years later after that, there were tons of people drafted who went and died in Europe and Japan or whatever. Like, but now you're right. It doesn't make sense. Like they're never going to bring back the draft. Like there's just no, like too much shit is done with... Would you get drafted into the drone program where

you just control drones? What would you do? What if that's the draft? The draft is not you being physically a soldier, but some ender game shit where you get drafted because you're smart and you're doing a proxy thing. They go to Call of Duty, they sort the gamer tags by KD ratio and start drafting from the top.

I swear I hacked! Optic in here, right? Optic, you're getting into this booth and you're going to go ahead and win the war in Iraq. It's like, great, guys. Thank you. Then they start infighting about who carried who. It really depends on what the mission is, because we can bomb

and drone people all we want, but if we're going to take something, then somebody they're going to have boots on the ground. It's, eventually there are boots on the ground who go in and kill the people and take the thing that you want taken. So eventually it'd have to be. I think if they wanted our land though, if someone wanted to wipe out the U.S. and then conquer our territory, a biological weapon's the way to go, right? That way you'd keep everything that was here. Like if you hit us with some sort of super flu that had a half-life so that, you know, six months

from now it's going to run its course and mutate into something that we do have a cure for and we just unleash it onto the United States. No, that makes sense if you were able to do it. That's the only way I could kind of... Otherwise you're going to just wipe out anything that could grow or live. You know, you can't nuke it. You can't

bomb it and scorched earth it. It is to go because i like i'm just thinking about that and i'm like all right which country is the best on the planet at making um what are they vaccines vaccines probably us uh so now you want to play virus war not a virus war it's not a two-sided war it's you know once they do it to us is our response going to be to do it to them yes united or anything we want i would be it was probably yeah how do we know who did it like you don't need to like there's not a big like biological weapon cannon that we could like trace back to its source you know they could they could do this without us knowing who did it that dirty bombs put them in them in a car. They're very clever and super effective.

And if they could do that, it does sound like a good idea. I mean, it seems very easy to do. You just genetically engineer a superbug, which we know every major government in the world has done. Like, they've all made these super virulent strains of all the worst diseases that you've ever heard of, from Ebola to anthrax. They're weaponized versions

that the normal vaccines don't respond to. The vaccine turnaround, even in the US, even in best case scenarios, it's going to be like nine months or a year, right? Like that's what they were talking about last time when the Zika thing, they were like, yeah, we might have something for this in 18 months. So don't hold your breath.

In 18 months, we're all dead. I guess I didn't think that these things were nearly that effective You know I well I think we had anything we don't know if they are like a bowl Oh, is it all over the news 18 months ago or something and yeah, but that was regular old Ebola That was run-of-the-mill boring people. Yeah, well it's a big difference right it's a difference between someone picking up a rock That's very natural and throwing at you and then someone taking and engineering a gun and shooting a bullet at you. A genetically engineered bug that's made to be resistant to the known antidotes,

the known vaccines and treatments would be incredible. I'm unaware of anything that effective. It doesn't mean there isn't. I just didn't think that it was that easy. I think the US and Russia... Sorry, go ahead, Tucker. I was just going to say that they're absolutely trying to weaponize the viruses

solely probably to get some sort of doomsday vaccine or like, let's try this out. It would be stupid to sit there and go, we're not going to experiment with any of this shit because it's not going to happen. They're absolutely doing that. They keep that shit in Kentucky.

There's a big base there where all the chemical weapons and biological shit is stored. I've driven past it. I'm not moving there. The US and Russia both keep... I saw some documentary on this. It was either like... They both still have some

smallpox or some disease that was wiped out a long time ago pretty much across the world so probably not smallpox i think that's still in africa maybe it isn't i don't know but they still hold on to it and just like keep it in a freezer so that they can do what kyle and i guess you guys are talking about where they just kind of futz with it and go oh you know you can really give them some nasty pustules and a quicker death if you do this and it spreads faster too have you guys ever played the cell phone game or mobile game virus pandemic or whatever yes where you engineer a disease and it can be like a fungus or a bacteria

or a virus whatever and you have to start it in one country and you have to upgrade facets about it so it'd be like okay i'm gonna upgrade uh transmission through uh mosquitoes and you upgrade that it's like okay that helps me spread in africa and more humid climates it's like okay i'm gonna spread by airplane because i really gotta try and get to fucking iceland in this game early and get one bastard in iceland sick because otherwise in the end of the game, everybody's going to be sick all over. Iceland's going to shut down their airports, and everyone on Earth is dead except for Iceland, and you fucking lose, because Iceland sucks. Iceland and Madagascar are so fucking hard to get sick.

You have to be really careful at getting those two places sick in the game. It's fun to see how it is. It is a great game. That's a good point, though, because then you're not just engineering a virus that kills effectively and quickly, but a virus that kills slow enough that you can spread it otherwise if everybody dies too quickly you know and and everybody dies before it gets to the west coast like then half the u.s is fine so you've got biological warfare is terrifying yeah it's the scariest of of all the weapons that exist it's scarier than chemical weapons i think you know maybe if you

get with a nerve agent at least you're dead today um but there's so and we think of biological weapons as something that you're gonna a flu or something like that that a person is gonna inhale and now you're sick and now your family's sick and we're all gonna die but they there's all kinds of anti um agricultural uh viruses that can be made to like destroy an entire crop remember that was the whole premise of interstellar was that there was a blight a blight that was like, oh, it took the radishes this year. It spread to radishes. Now there are no more radishes on Earth. And then finally, at the end, it took corn,

which was like the last remaining crop. I don't know. It's real scary stuff. You can talk about nuclear proliferation. Again for me? Proliferation. You can talk about nuclear proliferation proliferation all you want yeah yeah that one didn't want to come out at all um all you want

but like because of mutually assured destruction like i don't i don't think we're gonna shoot one i don't think they're gonna shoot one trump will shoot but but this shit could get loose you know this is so it always scares me you know, some scientist could prick his finger or something, whatever. That's so scary that it even exists. In my heart, and I have no expertise on this, but because there's never been biological warfare as effective as Kyle describes, I'm not sure it exists like Kyle describes. But it's not.

Well, it's never been unleashed. That's like, you know, it's been created. It just hasn't been unleashed. We have had pandemics. You know, look at the 1912 flu like that killed like was it 20 million americans i've read that uh so so the reason they call it the spanish flu is because the spanish were the only country in the world who were honest about the mortality figures they were like yeah we lost 12 million people everybody else is lying say oh yeah we

lost 300 000 when really everyone lost millions and millions of people but because spain owned up to like how bad it was affecting them it became known as the spanish flu but that killed millions and billions of people i'm just saying that like the the whole idea of it existing or not is kind of moot i mean like you know technology at some point there will be a a moment where they're gonna find something it may be now it may have been 50 years ago maybe 50 years from now but at some point someone is gonna unlock the the code to make x virus or x bacterium yeah go fucking crazy and that's terrifying it's not an if it's a when yes in my opinion there's an easy blueprint for it too right like there's already diseases that do kind of what a zombie does.

You're going to definitely start with rabies. Start with rabies, and then, obviously, right? Where did we go from fucking war to zombies? Well, I'll tell you where. I've been thinking about this for a while. These are concentric circles, Tucker. I'm listening. i'm listening i'm i'm listening i've i've been looking forward to the the zombie apocalypse for a very long time preparing for it and uh you might say and we thought one time like how would you actually

create a zombie and it became clear that you want to get a bunch of homeless men uh infected with rabies and keep them in like a shed for a month until they're all crazy and and you know just turn them loose That's not true. I've thought about this a lot. What you would do is you'd have a slow burn kind of virus that was very much dormant, but it's still spread. Yeah, then you would proliferate it largely in orphanages because people from all subsects of society are gonna adopt and then those little orphans are going to go from school to school foster care to foster care they're bouncing around they're upset and so when they finally do deteriorate into mental instability they're more than happy to get violent you know it's it's very much what you'd want if you're going to spread it is you want to slow burn

with people who are going to be moving all across the country erratically so you couldn't track it orphans foster kids i'm not co-signing with the are there even orphanages anymore you know i i that's one thing i don't understand so so explain orphanages to me because i don't quite understand this it seems to me that there is a massive demand out there for a healthy baby um or a child kids these are the kids that are not they're like five six to twelve they're not the bigs they're 12 they're not healthy so they might have attitude attitude issues like mental issues behavioral problems yeah thank you they're like they're bargain kids so my sister was adopted we adopted my sister at birth and then um

i you know i've known quite a few people. She was not in the bargain bin. Right, she was not in the bargain bin. Top shelf sister right there. So the way you kind of look at it is it's like, obviously everybody's like, go adopt a dog, right? Go adopt its best. But quite frequently, the dogs that you go to are either older

and you miss the type of puppy that you want, or they have behavioral problems from years of neglect or abuse or maybe just no love in general So then you go Oh I want a puppy because I can from the start mold it to be Kind of the dog that I wanted to be mold that child to be the kid that I want it to be right So like it's kind of shitty, but you get what he's right. They're not Desirable children when they're he's a little aggressive Yeah, it's like

Can I introduce you to Joey over here Joey needs a strong hand And then that hand needs to be a pipe sir cuz he don't fuck around this before we go in there Joey's gonna have a You know that that that that pole with the loop on the end that used to get like rammed up? Yeah, I do. Here, take this sir, we're gonna go in and see him. Jesus. Yeah, you don't want that. Okay, so I never understood really. And you know the other thing that, and this just comes through my mind occasionally with abortions.

Why don't they, it seems like many times the reasons a woman gets an abortion is that she simply doesn't want a kid. And it seems like maybe some of those pregnancies should come to term and then just be adopted, right? I don't quite understand that part. That part seems like they're just aborting the child out of inconvenience rather than life requirements. That's what most abortions – most abortions aren't because it's life-threatening. Yeah, I know. That's a very small minority. Like, just because – I mean, medical science in 2016, we're much, much better at making sure that giving birth is safe than we were even, like, 60 years ago.

I guess I just wish – I guess here's what I want. Instead of abortion, this would fix the whole abortion thing. They should be able to remove the fetus, regardless of where it is, and then put it into a machine, and then the baby comes to fruition, and you give it to an adoption agency. Don't plant it outside. Wait for the child to grow. Hold on, though. There's a huge problem that you're skipping over,

assuming that there's enough people out here that want these children. So, for example, when my parents were looking to adopt my sister, they didn't really have any criteria except for a healthy background and family history because you don't want your child to be, you know, to have some crazy genetic disease.

And immediately that rules out quite a few people. Then you have the people that for better or for worse don't want a certain gender or a certain race of baby I mean it sucks but we're in this world you get the white Barbie

I'm just saying remember the office when Toby wanted to get the doll for his daughter and he's like please please I'll give you he's like $200 you can get it he gives him for his daughter, and he's like, please, please, I'll give you. He's like, $200, you can get it. And he gives him the money and everything, and he's like, oh, thank God. She's going to. And it's the black one.

It's the black Barbie. I don't remember that. But, like, I mean, the grim reality is that every child that could be born is not necessarily wanted. So you end up with a surplus of people people and then you have a child out there it's not yours and it's in a middle home or a foster care so like it doesn't really solve the problem but you think I think it's better than coming true that they could get the kid to sort of gestate am I using the right word yeah I know what you're saying yeah that that's suddenly we wouldn't have

enough adoptive parents because it's our of a nice impression now that there's a shortage of babies. There is an adoption list and a thing, but I am very certain that – and keep in mind this was when I was seven. So this is 16 years ago. When we adopted my sister, the list was a week long of like – it's a week before you can get in there and say like like shop around you know so people got to go in and be like oh here's the match now yeah it's we could i mean you know get those babies to jess state and then harvest their organs then wouldn't that be fair oh yeah you know what fine if you want to use for it i'm all for it but like that's a whole nother story like there was the brain out anyway so get the brain out all right oh nobody wants to talk about how abortions

work you know and you know like so so my knee hurts right now right maybe get a little meniscus out of those babies but wait right yeah now now this might sound a little racist but hear me out right oh i'm with you we're just taking it up a notch yeah right if we get meniscus from black babies it could be a neat upgrade oh shit they do have that extra uh that that extra uh little part in there thank you for backing me and not leaving me alone on this terrible oh i was i was side by side the whole way in, buddy. I knew this all ended in harvesting black babies for their superior body parts. Meniscus. Yeah.

I want some black ankles. Suddenly when the thing is finished, my left leg in particular will be very good at dancing. I'm going to be able to shoot a free throw now. I'm going to be able to shoot a free throw now. Up top, but my left leg will have real rhythm. Yeah, I'll be able to dance the whole thing. Yeah, that's what they should do. Maybe they should harvest the organs, or more realistically, the stem cells. Everybody's so touchy about harvesting those stem cells.

Are they anymore? Like, I know that... Oh, yeah, man. Oh, yeah. The far right is... You got Pence up there shocking gays and trying to outlaw abortion nationwide. So, of course, of course,

they do not like the idea of taking an embryo and taking out the parts that are literally magic and using them to solve degrees. Literally magic. It's a science. You know, what do they call magic?

You know, a science that you don't understand yet. I can't comprehend how the fucking stem cells work. They just become anything. A stem cell can be a brain cell if you put it in your brain, a damaged brain. A stem cell will become a piece of a ligament. You got torn ligaments. A stem cell will grow a new section of your aorta. It seems like magic to me.

It's eye-saving. Slaughter every one of those troubled children in that just fucking raise them to the ground i don't know what you do to get a stem cell out of a baby but but if you gotta shake it hard or slap it around you have to shake it by the shoulders yeah i know how you do it for real oh do you how do you do it well there's an bill so that yeah there's umbilical cord stem cells but those apparently aren't as effective as if we just go right into the the fetus itself and get the fetal tissue that's developing fetal tissue is composed of stem cells because it is becoming a thing you know it's easy

that that's why the fetus needs those. He's growing organs. He's growing new shit, like left and right. So that is such a better solution than just trying to have like an adoption registry. Like I'm all for adoptions for like a real reason. Like my mom could not have another child. When another child fills the hole, we're all great.

Did not mean fills the hole. Not like that. That's not how adoption works. Right, that's not have another child. Want another child, fills the hole, we're all great. Did not mean fills the hole. Not like that. That's not how adoption works. Right, that's not how it works. But no, that for me, it's great. It's a universal benefit to anybody that's injured. Except for all the kids. Injured or not, anytime you've got someone who wants to have a kid paired up with someone who doesn't want to have their kid, you've got to match.

My morals, like, I'm all for it. I think, like, I don't think you have to like, love or like abortion a lot to still be like, alright, if it's gonna happen, we may as well make the best out of it. No, they don't see it that way. They don't. They want to bury that corpse

in short reverence, you know? When it's magic in there. There's some guy with MS or some stem cells out of it and fill it with cotton you know? When it's magic in there. There's some guy with MS. Did they just get stem cells out of it and fill it with cotton or something? No, they tried that. It's called stem cell taxidermy. They tried it in Texas. It didn't fly. They were stuffing the babies.

They wanted to make a law where if you had an abortion, you had to. That's true. Did they try to... That's true. I'm like, did they try to... That's pretty much how... Don't they prep the bodies now with formaldehyde? They do.

It's right in the same book. I'm just saying... Everybody else got a cabbage patch, kid. Look at this. Real thing. 2007. Christmas next year is going to be huge you know we're solving a lot of big problems

on this show I think we should pat ourselves on the back we're going to have some real genius portion the presidency of Palestine of Israel let me do an ad read here it seems like a good time to I think nature box because I actually went on NatureBox's site a couple days ago

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They've got great jerky on there and all kinds of dried fruit and stuff if you're into that. So, yeah, big fan of Naturebox. 50% rounds up to, like, all've got, uh, great jerky on there and, uh, and all kinds of dried fruit and stuff if you're into that. So, yeah, big fan of Nature Box. 50% rounds up to, like, all of it. So it's practically all of the percents. I didn't finish college, so I'm going to agree with you, Woody. I don't know enough to debate. That doesn't stop us here.

Did you want to do a double or do you want to carry on? Yeah, yeah. Since, uh, since Taylor hasn't come back, I back, I'll tell everyone a little bit about trackers. They don't lose anything. We're all losers. That's how this starts out. This is how this read begins. We're all losers.

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Order yours and never lose anything again. Listeners to our show here get a free Tracker Bravo with any order. So go to thethetracker.com and enter promo code PKA. The hardest thing you'll ever have to find is a website. Go to thethetracker.com right now and enter promo code PKA for your free Tracker Bravo with any order. Again, that's tracker.com right now and enter promo code pka for your free tracker bravo with any order again that's tracker.com promo code pka uh big fans of those things they really legitimately work and uh i don't know if i've ever spent an hour looking for something um but

definitely oh when i when i first heard a tracker i love the concept but i didn't have a thing for it you know it's not like you can just stick it on the side of your gun or whatever. Now that I have a motorcycle, it's like, yeah, like slide it in the padding of the helmet, put one on the bike with the luggage. People could steal the luggage off of it. And then and then you'd be able to get it back. I have I have lost my keys so badly before that, like, I've been distraught where it's just like they've been gone. Like I was supposed to be somewhere like noon where it's just like i they've been gone like i was supposed to be somewhere at like noon and it's 2 30 in the afternoon any plans have long passed and i just

can't find them and i'm like making more deals like god i promise i'll go back to church like if you just show me where these fucking keys are like i'll believe again oh lord please give me strength but so tracker you won't ever have to do you won't have to make bargains with God or the devil. That you're not keeping after you find your keys. Or any other made-up deities. If you're going to make a deal with the devil, don't make it for your keys. Make the little deals with God. Save the devil deal for a really big one.

Too late for that. I've been coughing and hacking all day. My throat's been itchy. And I just went to try... Have you ever tried that throat numbing spray? I've used it a ton. I don't use that very much, but I just went in there

looking for cough drops and I saw it. I hadn't used it before. I sprayed it and just caught myself just a huge amount of numbing spray all over my beard and in my chin and all of my mouth i got maybe a little drop of it in my mouth and then i gave it another spray and it just soaked my tongue and like none of it got on my throat and then i just stopped my your amateur

fucking yeah you gotta go sideways i gotta get it in there i didn't want to do it like that because someone else is going to use that eventually probably. That's your throat numbing spray. If I'm picking up your throat numbing spray, I know that the throat numbing spray will kill it. I've used that stuff a bunch because I get strep throat. And usually if I get a cold or the flu, then a really bad sore throat is coming along with it. And I've used so much of that stuff um humans beat strep throat my chin's numb i don't know if humans can beat it but i have gotten over it before

um without antibiotics i think i haven't i used to get strep throat a lot and i always had antibiotics and then i've told this before terrible in college i got it once and without my mom to like you know look you need to go to the doctor for strep throat I just let it get worse and worse to the point where like I could hardly breathe. My uvula was so gigantic. And every time I swallowed, I'd swallow my uvula and come back. It was very painful. I mean, strep throat, if untreated, is a nightmare. And a 19-year-old me just did not know how to take care of himself.

I'll make you swallow your uvula. That's totally a thing. This is how you swallow your uvula? No, I'm telling a girl this. I'm getting my cock hard and I'm telling her, I'm gonna make you swallow your uvula. Oh, Jesus. I didn't follow that whole train of thought. Yeah, that was...

Oh, you thought I was rolling the dice again? Yeah, I'm a love shaker. Oh, hey. I looked at fresh pepper. Yeah, fresh pepper. Give us a sneeze. Yeah. The guy who was abducted in Chicago, he's now being treated in the hospital. So he's all.

A young woman. It says a young African woman streamed the video live on Facebook and at least four people held the white man hostage. The victim is repeatedly kicked and hit. His scalp is cut and he's tied up with his mouth shut and the suspects on video can be heard yelling fuck donald trump fuck white people wait african or african-american um did i say african it's africa okay it says african-american on it yeah it was like i am the captain now situation. You gotta watch out for the Somalians. Yes, Somalians.

I'm like, how'd you get over here? We're landlocked. There's no way to get inside here. They're calling it a hate crime, which is interesting. Because a lot of times there's no hate crimes against white people. A lot of times if white people are hurt, it's not a hate crime. This is not a hate crime. Say that again?

This is pretty cut and dry a hate crime. They say fuck white people in it. I can't. You can't get much better than that. I thought you could say that. I don't know. You torture one. Yeah, and he's at the hospital now being treated for his injuries.

Well, at least he's at the hospital. I wonder how they found out. Did they trace the IP? Did they get a tip off? Because I don't think these people knew what a VPN was, so. Put it on her Facebook account. It's like LaShonda Jones. You don't have to look too far.

Her address is one click away. Coming at you live from the 313-612-Oak Street, 61274, Chicago, Illinois, 3438. You know, in the back room, just not twice in the enter. They're like accepting friend requests along the way. Oh my god. Yeah, it takes a special type of person to... Well, they'll get their punishment.

They'll get their just desserts, I suppose. Proliferation, proliferation, proliferation. I think they'll definitely get them. I'm gonna to kidnap and torture someone. I'm doing it a lot better than that. I'll tell you right now. Really? Everyone thinks they'll be a good criminal,

but you're inexperienced as a criminal. We all are, I think. I would not ever kidnap someone and go to Periscope to survey people on their opinions. You know, hey, first kidnapping. You know, how's it going? You know, doing my best wait my kidnapping

five stars if you liked it be sure to favorite my kidnapping I got a patreon account when this kidnapping gets to 1000 likes I'll kidnap another whitey they're building a whole brand over there

on hate crimes $20 a month on Patreon. You get a monthly clue as to where the body is hid. $500 and we kidnap someone of your choice. Must be a Patreon for at least three months. He's doing all this horrible stuff for just tiny payoff. It's like a $3 account. I'm not doing this anymore.

This doesn't cover the bills, guys. We need to do it harder. Better. He's doing 25% of his life, but his Instagram's blowing up. Look at these retweets. Look at these interactions. So Sears is closing 150 stores.

Probably because they sell shit that Sears should never need to sell like clothing. Who thinks to themselves, I'm going to shop at Sears for clothes. I love Sears. I think Sears is awesome. I like their tools, their toolboxes. If I were to buy a major

appliance, Sears would be on the list of places I think about. Where do you get a dishwasher? Sears and Home Depot, right? Lowe's, Home Depot, Sears. you on the list of places I think about like where do you get a dishwasher Sears and I got a loser right? Lowe's Let's go Appliance section is way better than their electronic section at this point Shopping for Refrigerator and I was in Best Buy to get speakers.

I'm looking around they've got like four Sonos speakers and some bullshit like $500 little thing and I'm like, okay Can't buy anything here. Oh, there's an appliance I should go 45 refrigerators all stainless steel with various ranges I was like, why would like I'm blown away by this. This is outstanding You can get a refrigerator with a 14-inch LCD TV on it. Samsung makes dishwashers. It is the future, you know? Oh, I saw those Alexa robots. Samsung makes our washer and dryer.

That's what we have. Yeah. You're not buying an Alexa robot or one of those Echo Google things ever. Like, the fact that it can respond to you when you say, Alexa, means that it's always listening to you the FBI has access to that It's a known thing they listen to the Alexa recordings Yeah, I'm not I'm not tell if that sarcasm help me. No, that's real. That's real Yeah, I mute my I have a Google home it has a mute button on it

You can just hit it mute and it turns off the mic so they say I mean I'll be trusting no way you know, but I got a band-aid on my fucking webcam fuck that so does mark zuckerberg and so does the head of the cia anybody who like like nothing is safe nothing is you can't put look i don't like what donald trump said the other day about oh i gotta go to courier everything by courier but shit if it's legitimate top secret national security like these are the attack plans for... I'll give you a perfect example of some material that should only be transferred by courier. Our plans for what happens when China invades Taiwan.

Those plans should not be accessed through the web so that China can get a look at them and out-strategize us in a global world war-type scenario. It would be nice if that was just in a filing cabinet somewhere where three important guys whose names we all know have access to it. It could be a network not connected to the internet.

It could be a non-land. Remember what we did to the Iranians? We put that thing out there. It got on the... The Iranians had these nuclear centrifuges. The Iranians had these nuclear centrifuges. The Iranians had these nuclear centrifuges. They had this dark site. It's completely cut off from the outside world.

Nothing going in, nothing going out. We put this worm out on the internet. All of the internet we infected with it. It found all of it. We all have this worm in our computers. Yes, all of us have this worm. Hell yeah. We put it out there into the entire web.

It got on a thumb drive of one man. That man put that thumb drive into a computer. It got on that thumb drive at his home. He's at home doing work. It gets on the thumb drive out of his laptop. He takes that thumb drive into the nuclear plant, puts it in. It doesn't shut the lights out. It doesn't make the place blow up.

It speeds up the nuclear centrifuge by an incalculably small amount. I thought I made it off balance. Something like that. It invests with the speed of the centrifuge and it ruined them all. It destroyed them. It destroyed a multi-billion dollar emplacement that's sole purpose was to make nuclear materials for weapons. How big is that guy? Whoever wrote that code, how many sizes did his dick grow when he finally learned that that happened? Like, that's absurd. That's like some science fiction bullshit. Like, we're just gonna infect every

computer, and eventually somebody will plug it in USB, and eventually it'll find its way there, and we'll be good. Yeah. You know what's extra bullshit? Is you know that, like, the task force that was assigned to that, the top, like, assigned to that the top like seven guys in the elite crew were like all right you're all on a full frontal assault you gotta break in here and do it uh where's intern alan alan just like you know wide net biggest thing

you can imagine just kind of simple just speed it up just like this much all right go like and then that guy ends up getting it he didn't get i don't know but that's right it's more worms that are doing other things all over the world that's so cool that's yeah it's very cool it it there's so much shadow warfare that goes on that's really interesting that's why i like seeing all that cold war stuff that's it's been yeah it's getting declassified and you see all the little moves that we made and how we did them and that's 50 years ago right because ah we're always fucking with russia let's just assume that whatever those 17 intelligence agencies are right right i don't know what they are but let's just pack that and say that they are and uh i i feel like what they did releasing private dnc shit in an effort to hurt hillary who they don't like or help Trump who they seem to like or both

like that should have a response it doesn't have to be today it doesn't have to be tomorrow but it should be responded to at some point like Putin should wake up and be like I want Putin's nudes that's what our response is I want Putin's nudes I want Putin's nudes on my computer

yeah that's gotta be on the cloud Putin's theudes on my computer. Yeah, fuck that. That's got to be on the cloud. Putin's the one who takes the money. I don't think you can take Putin's money. Putin is rumored to be the wealthiest man on Earth. I've heard that rumored. He's probably the most powerful singular man on Earth, if you think about it. Perhaps, yeah, because he has unilateral control

over that country. Although I heard the other day their economy is the size of Italy, which really puts it into perspective. Really? Yeah. Russia has the same economy as Italy. Now, of course, they got a lot of arms and they got a lot of military

infrastructure. I read that there's a serious epidemic about severely lower class or poor people using mouthwash, uh, windshield wiper fluid, dishwashing detergent to drink it, to get drunk cheaply, uh, because they simply can't afford to buy the shitty cheap alcohol.

And I was like, that seems very extreme, like in Russia, considering can make a liter of potato, like vodka shitty, but you can make it for like a dollar. But apparently it's just so available and easy to get. That's it. That's shocking. Why not just go two days without drinking and then save up enough for the real alcohol so that you don't have to drink like a little extract? I got the shakes today, Taylor. A little sensitivity, Taylor.

Jimmy had antifreeze, asshole. He had antifreeze. Stop hogging the windshield wiper fluid. Does antifreeze taste good? It tastes sweet. It used to when it doesn't taste good. It used to taste sweet, and they fixed that, and it no longer does, so now we don't crystallize little puppies' livers.

What tastes good is battery acid. That still tastes good. I don't think that's true at all oh it's totally i would think it tastes like fire and pain it would taste like fire and pain it's outstanding i've got it on my hands before yeah i do too it's like addicting like you get don't listen to this anyone he's lying to you i'm not lying to you no no when we worked um so when i was a teenager, we had jet skis, right? And they had lead acid batteries. And, um, we would, we would like haul the jet skis

into the basement, put them on sawhorses and fix them. And, and that's like where I first started learning mechanical shit. I had to, these jet skis broke every time we took them out. And, um, just the nature of like not being a good mechanic. We'd run down the battery as we were attempting to fix it, charge it back up, repeat that process. And the battery would overheat, the little fluids would come out the holes. We'd buy

distilled water and try and fix the battery and in the process you get battery acid all over your hands. It doesn't hurt or anything, it just tastes delicious. Have you ever seen Strange Addictions? I can see the beginning of It's just like, you know, you have battery acid all over your hands. It doesn't hurt or anything. It just tastes delicious. What does that taste like? Have you ever seen Strange Addictions? I can see the beginning of A&E where, you know, Woody is, it's your episode, Woody,

where they're doing it. It's like, up next, everyone knows the story of someone addicted to acid. Matt Woodworth from North Carolina takes it another step. And then it just shows, like shows your dimmed-out face with the dark voice, and they're talking. Well, I just remembered the first time I ever had acid on my hand. I just took a lick, and I couldn't get it enough. Then it transitions.

Go deeper into Woody's addiction. I don't understand this experience that you're describing. Neither do I. Okay, so battery acid is sulfuric acid, right? And we all know what acids taste like. They taste sour. Yeah, like a sour patch kid

almost. Yeah, but it's sulfuric acid. It's a sour patch kid. It's not the same. The difference between citric acid and sulfuric acid on the pH scale is like five positions or something.

It's like going from like a three to a seven or something like that. Like that would burn your tongue. Yeah, there's just no way. I just feel like we're really glossing over the fact that you licked it and you were like there was no negative consequences other than this is battery acid. I should not be like it. Yeah, so I tried to moderate myself. It's not like I just tipped the battery upside down and started drinking out of the cells or anything,

but it's like, it's really good. Resist it, Woody. Did you give yourself another little tease? Yeah, it wasn't like I eventually went Kentucky Fried Chicken to completely clean my hands off, but I would get little doses of battery acid because – So that's what happened. Yeah, right?

I'm not suggesting you guys do this, but I'm telling you, battery acid is delicious. Yeah. Then they'd have the camera following you on like a normal Tuesday morning and you're walking out to your garage and it's, you know, your interview of, you know, it's every morning about 8am I come out here and I get what's called my sweets I have a couple of licks of battery acid and then head off to work.

And then he interviews Jackie and she's all depressed because you're addicted to battery acid. You're sneaking it. You're going and tapping other people's batteries with a long curvy straw. Just carry some Duracell in your pocket like that like i just imagined where she's like really all those nights he was breaking into the middle school sneaking in through a second floor window and and like i know that she can like

picture the school when i talk about the the jet skis downstairs like in the basement on the sawhorses how he worked on them i know she she's like, yeah, this is – I remember that. Like he was down there licking battery acid. I thought he was learning about compression or something, torque wrenches. I thought he was just masturbating. You wish, mom. I had to think about it for a minute, but that's literally what the stepmother from the movie My Stepmother is an Alien consumed. You remember that Dan Aykroyd movie?

I think it might have had – I can't remember the woman, but that's what she ate. She was an alien, and she ate battery acid. I'm not cosigning with this battery acid. No, you shouldn't be. You shouldn't be. Even I am not cosigning with it. Don't drink it. Don't cosign.

Eat battery acid. Do whatever you want. But if you have had it before, leave a comment and verify that it's delicious. For the few of you who've tried battery acid. That are listening to us now. Leave a comment. What's your favorite kind of battery acid? Oh, I don't know if there's varieties.

A jet ski battery acid, I guess. Yeah, jet ski batteries are the sweetest. Yeah, now I just go with it. If my battery goes out, I instantly go to a... What's AGM? Advanced Glass Mat? Something Glass Mat battery? Did you ever have a thing where you got too hammered on Duracell,

so now you have to stick to Energizer? That's why it keeps going and going and going, and Woody's like, yeah. I'm looking up AGM battery. It is absorbed glass mat. And if you haven't had this, the battery in my car is 11 years old now. They cost about twice as much

and then they just last a long time. They last three times as long? I've got one of those multi-cell batteries. You can see the cells on the outside. It's 2005, so my battery is 12 years old now. Oh, okay. I was going to say I've got one of those multi-cell batteries that was like a couple hundred and fifty dollars.

Those things are great. That might be what... Yeah, is it by Optima by chance? Yeah, yeah. It's not square on the outside. You can see like cylinders. Is it a red top? I got the good one because I need a lot of

cranking apps for that Chenoweth that I've got. The off-road buggy. I need a lot of cranking apps because my truck has a winch. If you have a winch, you're not supposed to use a regular battery. You're supposed to get a good one, and I did.

Like I said, it's like 12 years old now. That's a good battery. Oh, you know what i now that i think about it what i did with that battery i took that battery that 250 270 battery and i put it in a mercedes uh and then i moved it out in the field and then i melted the mercedes with the battery in it i melted that battery. Why? It sucks. Because I forgot it was in the fucking car. Yeah, yeah. I could see he didn't mean to do that. Damn it. That was my good battery.

What the fuck? Was this like years ago? This was like eight months ago or something. Like, fuck, I melted it with thermite. It's a damn shame. We've all been there. Yeah, it's a shame, guys. Girl Scouts are coming out with new flavors.

The Girl Scout cookies. What are they? Let's go. Nothing more overrated than a Girl Scout cookie. There isn't a Girl Scout cookie on this planet that can compete with a normal Oreo. Samoas are pretty good, man. I like that coconut and caramel. Yeah, the Samoas, I will agree with you on every other thing, but the Samoas, there's something about it.

It's the coconut, the chocolate, the caramel. It's crunchy, chewy. It's the coconut, the chocolate, the caramel. It's crunchy, chewy. It's, uh, fuck. The ones with the peanut butter middle? Because they dip in chocolate. I'm sorry, they dip in milk better than the rest. Snickerdoodles? No, thank you. No thin mess. Oh, I know which one you're talking about. They're white with peanut butter in the middle?

I don't know what that is. Never seen that. I know which one you're talking about, yeah. Yeah, I often, you know, I used to just grade cookies based on how they ate. Now, I want to know how they dip in milk i dip my cookie in milk eat it and you've matured you can say maybe maybe that's it like oh i used to think oreos were not a very good cookie but oh when you dip them in milk oreos are near the top and they're excellent it's an trick to use a fork yeah um i do different. I just throw a bunch in there and let them just completely decompose and then just

spoon them out. Just spoon them out. I just spoon diabetes into my mouth. That bothers me so much when I'm eating Oreos and I see someone just letting it fall to nothing in there because if I do dip it, it's very brief. I'm not garish or gaudy

at all with my dips. It's a very practical dip. It's like a coating of milk. A coating of milk. It still has its structural integrity. People like Kyle over there, anarchy. It's falling apart. They lift it out of there with their fork,

and they have to basically make a mad dash to their mouth before it becomes paste. I want it completely decomposing. I want it completely saturated with milk. Can I use whole milk? Yeah, for sure. I'm right right in the middle I like it to get as much milk as possible without breaking so and sometimes I make it and it falls off yeah but it's supposed to get as much milk as it can hold not more not less I'm all about the structural integrity the new flavors uh one is a spores cookie, I'm about that.

We'll have to see. And the other, it's listed here. Coated in chocolate sweet chocolate forward treat. What is the name of it? It's a coated in chocolate sweet chocolate forward treat is the name of the cookie. Oh, I'm sorry. There are two kinds of s'mores cookie.

So they're both s'mores cookies, but there's two varieties of it huh yeah I mean sure is this girl really drilling down yeah dude they fund terrorists they fund Isis how else are they gonna get Isis weapon get more literally funded Isis founded Isis I heard literally yeah whoever founded Girl Scouts of America is the head of Is right now. Obama.

Yeah. Obama. Yes. It's all a conspiracy. Find me a picture of Obama without a Thin Mint cookie close by. I dare you. It's like Seinfeld where there's a Superman in every episode with Obama. There's a small box of Thin Mints in every presidential address.

It's a clue. It's like Pizzagate. If you're watching the live stream i have pictures of the two new cookies they're both s'mores one's uh like are you streaming this no he means the video did i say the video yeah you said last year i was like wait a minute my mistake for people watching the video that one is uh it's like a cookie almost like the one i like where the in it's a like a white sort of wafer type thing cookie and the other is coated with chocolate on the outside like which ones are coated like there's one okay like it is it looks like a

thin mint but square so very two different takes on what a s'mores cookie might be i just you can fuck up a s'more real bad like you cannot do it justice even remotely so i gotta i gotta eat it first i can't i can't throw my weight behind this yet yeah s'mores and bacon are two flavors that they're always really trying to push into things where they don't belong and all they end up doing is making me silently resentful towards bacon where it's like i really enjoy good bacon but i don't want to have like every time someone has a piece of bacon i don't want to see a picture of it and see you having a conniption of oh my god this pig belly is so good like yeah i know it's really good but settle down like you're making me not want to like it as much to be anti you have you not noticed the

takeover of cranberries into every juice in the world walk down the juice i noticed that yeah who oh the community yeah is that i i all right that must have been why I wrote it. You know why, right? Because I was like, why? Because of the range. There was a gigantic cranberry surplus, and they bought up all the surplus. A couple of the big juice companies do, and now everything is cranapple or crangrape. They've got an enormous surplus of it. Taylor, do you know the name of that stand-up? That must have been – I must have – Yeah, yeah.

I like the comedian who theorizes that it's just a salesman who never takes a day off. It's Brian Regan. I saw Brian Regan live in St. Louis like five years ago. It was great. His entire bit was like, man, the marketing guy for cranberries is knocking it out of the park. They're so shitty.

What you got there, grape? How about cran-grape? What you got there, apple? How about cran-apple? What you got there, mango? How about cran-mango? How about you how about cranberry, but you got their apple have a crap Mango but you so down cranberry man Suck they are bitter and gross there. They're almost as bad as grapefruit They're one of those things that I just can't fathom Why like like like we lose like there's all kind of things dying out like I get you know an animal going Extinct or you'll hear about a plant that just doesn't grow anymore.

We should make cranberries fucking extinct. They're bitter and disgusting and so is grapefruit. You like grapefruit? I thought somebody chimed in like, I like grapefruit. I'm totally indifferent to grapefruit. It's disgusting. And if you watch someone eat grapefruit

with their special grapefruit knife because it's that kind of fruit. Any fruit that requires its own utensil is really putting on airs if you ask me. If I needed a banana handle, I'd look like an asshole. Right? The orange doesn't ask me to get some fancy tool to fucking eat. You just tear that thing apart. The grapefruit

needs this fancy spiked spoon apparently. The first thing it does is fight back. It squirts you in the eye and then once you've poured enough sugar on that bitter piece of shit that you can actually enjoy it, it doesn't even taste good. There are eight fruits I can think of that taste fucking better. Kyle makes a strong point. I'm on Team Kyle with this one.

Fuck grapefruit. They're way too big. I've never seen a grapefruit finished. Have you ever seen somebody who had grapefruit with a meal finish it? Even on TV, you see them take one pain, struggling bite of that grapefruit, muscle it down, and be like, Oh my God, I'm late for work. See you, buddy. I got my whole late day, I guess.

You know, I always have a grapefruit in the morning because it only goes up from here. Start the day off low, you can only get high. I mean, that's how I feel about honeydew. You know, you get the fruit salads, and it's like 80% of it is this bullshit green, flavorless, nasty honeydew. You got like three little mushy blueberries, some raspberries, and like one half a strawberry. And you're like, thanks. I've been watching this cooking.

Cranberries didn't go extinct. I like cranberry mixed juices. But as far as foods that you hate, knowing they'll never go extinct, if I get put in a bariatric chamber for a thousand years, I going to be released and it's going to be a reality where everything but cauliflower has gone extinct and so it's just variations of cauliflower cauliflower bread cauliflower steaks cauliflower powder cauliflower paste everything and i just have to i'd kill myself yeah flower is is is horrible it's really i don't like it's usably bad it's if god if god was real he should that was a drunken late night for god he he came off confident he was like hey i got broccoli you guys want to make it white and

crumbly you guys you remember how much of a big hit broccoli was? And all the angels are sitting around the boardroom like, don't bring it up. Don't bring it up. Well, I'm going to do it again. I got a white one, and I got rid of all the vitamins. I got rid of the taste. If they don't, fuck them, you know? Like, they got to eat it.

Yeah, I'm done. Cauliflower is fucking bullshit. If they don't, fuck them. They gotta eat it. Cauliflower is fucking bullshit. It's the worst vegetable. The worst. It doesn't absorb the flavors well. Mushrooms, it doesn't taste great by itself. It's not a vegetable, but it's similar, I think. You know what's worse than cauliflower?

You can't do mushrooms. You can make it really good. I've never had good cauliflower, and I've tried to like it. Mike's girlfriend couldn't eat regular mashed potatoes because it was a health-based diet that she was on. It wasn't a choice. She couldn't have mashed potatoes, and she made cauliflower mashed potatoes. I just remember being like,

why? I don't even know that was a thing. This is a trick. Do you have any dog shit mashed potatoes to go along with this? What the you do that? I don't even know that was a thing. Do you have any dog shit mashed potatoes to go along with this? What the fuck is this? You can't just crush something up and eat the cauliflower. It's the gravy put on the cauliflower mashed potatoes.

It felt sacrilegious. It's not mashed potatoes, it's just mashed cauliflower. It felt sacrilegious. It would be like dressing up as a nun but having a crucifix stuck in your asshole or something like that. It just felt wrong. It was like you're just taking everything I love and making a mockery out of it with that shit. It's disgusting.

There's not even any butter in it. Have you ever – I've been watching this cooking channel called the Al-Mazan Kitchen, and their whole thing is that they, they like spare no expense and every single meal. So if they're going to use milk, it's like real whole, like raw milk that they milked from a cow.

Uh, if they're going to use bacon, it looks like it's a whole chunk of like meat that he cuts the slices of bacon from the, the, the thing. Um, every step of the way,

he like spares no expense. Like his mac and cheese must cost $150 to make. He makes burgers. It's outrageous. I think cooking shows are awesome. I don't know when I

decided to become my mom, but I watch tons of cooking shows on YouTube. There's this one guy who takes recipes from popular shows or movies and he creates them he's a good chef creates them on YouTube he made one from Archer I don't know if you've seen it it's called eggs wood house and it's like you know it's like eggs Benedict with truffle and and Balut caviar and just it's the and saffron it's the most decadent thing he said this one portion cost him 380 dollars to make and he could only eat two bites because it's

just like every rich flavor ever yeah it's not that great but he was just like i mean i love it i'm all about these like let's just take epic meal time but just do it with money anything no no expense just spend a lot of money on something good and see what happens i'm all for you know are there any ingredients that like are really fancy but you dislike or you found that you dislike like the thing that comes to mind for me it's truffle oil like i've gotten burgers before and they'll be like it's got truffle oil on it that's supposed to be like super fancy and my god it's like it's like putting mustard it's like a it's like a different you know how if you put a lot too much mustard on something it just becomes mustard because it's so powerful that's what it is it's just this is no longer a burger

with bacon on it or whatever the fuck egg or whatever they're putting on there it's just truffle oil flavor like it's so powerful and it's almost like they're beating you over the head with like don't you like it isn't it cultured? And it's like I don't like caviar I love caviar, and I thought I would hate it. I'm not a fish guy I was gonna ask my follow-up question was gonna be like do you like sushi when there's when there's fish eggs? Oh, yeah, I don't care for that either I I've had very expensive caviar, and you know I was like oftentimes. I'm trying to think of some other situations. Oh, I was with some guys one time, and they brought out some good whiskey. I don't know

my alcoholic beverages, but is it Macallan or something like that? Yeah, it's a scotch. Okay, so this was like a 30-something-year-old bottle of Macallan, and apparently that's real expensive. I don't know, a couple grand or something like that and I was just like no like like don't don't don't don't pour that in my glass like I was like it could be it could be $30 hooch and like I wouldn't know the difference dude I'm just gonna shoot this and embarrass myself and it's gonna burn and I'm gonna buzz like that's what's coming so just I agree no thanks do that I there's some things like it was free yeah there's some things like that where you just I can't get that. There's some things like that. And it was free. Yeah, there's some things like that where you just, I can't get the taste for it.

I mean, and there's other things where you have it and you're like, I don't understand. So I had the pleasure of having a 2003 Dom Perignon before on New Year's, popped the bottle, and I was just drinking some $25 champagne from Rite Aid that I had brought. And they poured it into my glass, and I sip it, and I'm like, this tastes good. I sip the other one. I'm like, they're identical. I'm not drunk yet. They are the same.

This one cost $700. This one was $25 at the corner store. Like, I get it, but, you know. That's why in college you only ever needed to buy one giant thing of gray goose yes and then for the rest of your college career you just get uh uh what is it mccormick's you just get bottom shelf mccormick's or royale or whatever the fuck it is and nobody's gonna call you they're gonna oh this is strong because it's gray goose right yeah it goes down real harsh because it's great and if you're giving them hot like you're not it's not gonna be cold like you're just walking around a frat party and you're handing out like booze like it's not

room temperature yeah it's like room temperature vodka so even if it is the funnest vodka in the land a bunch of college kids are just gonna be like oh jesus ah i guess it's fancy it's in a glass bottle i don't fucking know i'm 18 and this is free so it's pretty great. I agree. I don't like many fancy foods. I'm trying to think. I like lobster. And everyone says, oh, no, you like butter. And it's like, no, lobster has a texture and a smell and a taste to it. A lobster has a large flesh grape.

It's a large, fleshy grape. I hate it. It's actually a gigantic. I picture them as big, giant cockroaches of the sea. It's like a sea scorpion. It's a large, fleshy grape. I hate it. It's actually a gigantic... I picture them as big, giant cockroaches of the sea, right? It's like a sea scorpion. It's a sea bug. It's a big sea insect. It's pretty disgusting if you think about it.

They eat shit. I actually like lobster. If you go to a place fancy enough where they take it out of the shell for you, that's my bomb. Really? I know Taylor has that superpower. It was crap. Taylor has two things that It wasn't out of the show, but it was crap.

Taylor has two things that he's better at than everyone else in the world. Getting meat out of crabs and lobsters and puberty. Those are the two things that he is really, really good at. That's what made him hit the puberty so fast. It was all that crab. But yeah, if you get crab served to you already opened, that's so sad. It's like buying peanuts at a baseball game and not having them out of the shell. Have you ever had a fancy lobster?

Sunflower seeds is a better example. I would never buy sunflower seeds out of the shell. They bring it to you. They put it in front of you. And then they're like leaning over. And I'm like, I guess I'll take it out now. I'm ready to like just hack at it. And they're like, no, no, no. We got this.

guess i'll take it out now i'm ready to like just hack at it and uh they're like no no we got this and then with like magnificent efficiency of motion they crack it they slice it they know exactly the best way to address every piece of the crab or the lobster they get it out in like full complete pieces like without flaw and uh yeah it's just great you know if you can you get like a second one like brave to do that again if you ever go out to eat and get crab with yeah it's just great you know if you can you get like a second one like brave to do that again if if you ever go out to eat and get crab with me it's almost like watching an episode of intervention where in the beginning you're kind of impressed like wow this person is can handle a lot of drugs like they seem to be having a lot of fun over there cracking their crab eating non-stop wow getting a third order of the all you can eat

refill that's pretty you know it's a little much everybody stops eating about 40 minutes everybody else is finished i'm still going everybody has to sit and watch me eat for a bit when finally all of the legs are gone people think this is the end all right he's finally stopped oh nay nay i take the the middle of the crab and i put the fork in there and i start to spin it and i tear that open and that's the gross looking like salty you have to very much appreciate crab and if you watch someone eat that for long enough it just becomes you know it's almost like watching castaway as he's like frantically trying to like get morsels out to get calories in his body like you've already you've just eaten 3 000 calories sea meat, and you're still doing that.

Like, it's very evidently a problem. Dude, I'm right there with, I'm, so, like, since I'm from Maryland, like, blue crab is our thing, right? So, every summer, you'd get a giant bushel of crab for four people, and for the next five hours, you're not doing anything but

sitting there, opening the crab, eating it, and drinking it. Like, if you remove the effort of taking the meat there opening the crab eating it and drinking it like if you remove the effort of taking the meat out of the crab that's half the experience like i love the crab meat but i'm really good at getting the crab meat out to the point where like they can't do it much better they could probably do it better but like i'd rather just do it myself and have the social experience of doing it so i'm with taylor have you had like a high-end waiter open your stuff for you yes trust me i have and it's awesome and they present it and it's and i'm like that's amazing i just very much value the whole like i know how to do this like yes my fucking the corner

of my meat will fall off and i'll be like oh it's not a perfect piece but like i like doing it myself i have you the first couple times i, I was like, oh my God, I didn't realize there was a pro level of lobster opener. And this guy is a professional lobster meat extractor. He's incredible. Have you ever had it? That's what he says on his resume. The only two times I've tried lobster is blue lobster and regular lobster.

The regular lobster was at my cousin's house in Southampton. So it was – like if I didn't like either of those two options, like I'm pretty sure I don't like lobster. It's the texture. I don't like the fact that it's just so – I don't know how to explain it. I just don't like the texture of it. Yeah, it's not as good as crab. Crab is definitely better than lobster.

Yeah, I got a – the last time I bought lobster, not as good as crab crab lobster yeah i got a i i the last time i bought lobster i think it was a blue lobster and and i got it because they made such a big deal of it they were like this is a one in ten thousand sort of occurrence and i was thinking about when you were talking about the lobster gordon yeah yeah gordon ramsay's the best in the world at this unbelievable at getting meat out of the lobster he gets parts that you might not know exist and by you i mean the average person in the world but yeah we got that blue lobster and i remember like it was in addition to our main courses like we all got steaks but it was like you want to split a blue lobster it's like an extra 150 or something for this fucking lobster

and we did and i felt like it was 75 bucks well spent it was a nice experience i'm telling you this story about it right now and it was tasty as fuck it was delicious and I felt like it was 75 bucks well spent. It was a nice experience. I'm telling you this story about it right now. And it was tasty as fuck. It was delicious. And it was huge. It was much bigger than a normal lobster. I don't know how many pounds. Two or three or four.

It was fucking huge. Jesus Christ. I was in New York City. And I had a friend. He was pretty professionally successful. And they had a really large lobster. I forget what it was. It might have been seven and a half pounds or something like a bigger lobster

than I had seen before. And, uh, I don't know if he was showing off or like, but he, he got it. He's like, I'll get that one.

And it was like $750 or something for this lobster. And, uh, I don't want to say we shared it, but he let me try it. Like I had a couple of forkfuls and it was dry. Like it, it turns out the really big lobster, at least in my experience, not as good. Well, a seven-pounder is some sort of titan of lobster kind.

It's the biggest thing I've ever heard of. He's got his own wristwatch on his claw. That's a 280-year-old lobster. That thing had been around since Napoleon, and you were eating it. So, of course, it's a little tough. I don't mean to be exaggerating, but we walked in and there's all these lobsters in this aquarium. And then Lobstersaurus is there. And he was like, what's that one cost?

And it was like, that's my pet. But all right, $7.50. but alright, $7.50. If we're gonna talk about the upper level decadence of food, I have a couple times had A5 Wagyu beef,

which is the highest cut beef flown in from Japan, first class, all that shit. Do all cows have an A5 section? No, all that shit. I'm not aware. Do all cows have an A5 section? No, no, no, no. There's a thousand certified Wagyu cows in Japan. They are massaged, fed beer and wheat every single day.

It's like, you know, then next day, as soon as they're slaughtered, they're cut and put on an airplane, first class, like a cooler fucking strapped in, not a cargo plane, flown into one of the certified restaurants that can prepare it they have a breakdown of when the cow is born it's like a dating e-harmony profile like the cow's name it's favorite interests yeah exactly what the cow does after 8 p.m so you're like great and and they always tell you everybody goes oh i need i want a steak so i'm gonna start at six ounces i might go eight or ten or twelve this is like god tier it's anywhere between 20 and 50 an ounce and it is like fudge compared to hershey's chocolate bar so i go i'm gonna get four ounces we'll see where we are like i don't have to be anywhere i can order more food i got about halfway

through these four ounces and i'm sitting there starting to sweat and I'm like, Jesus Christ, like this is not a joke. It's so rich to the point where you're like, I was uncomfortably full after four ounces. And I'm like, this is not a normal feeling. I am. If you want to drop four hundred dollars on a steak. Yeah, I'm looking for $50 an ounce. Suddenly it's $100 an ounce. Well, I'm saying like, yeah, because, well,'m saying, yeah, because Brennan got an eight-ounce steak. Couldn't even finish close to it.

There's a place in San Francisco called 5A5. That's where Twitch and a lot of us, we have meetings there because it's fucking great steak. The strategy is to order chicken and sit next to Brennan. Right, and you just go, how's that steak tasting? He's like, I'll finish that one up. I mean, I was right there with you. I've had some really good steaks, sirloin, filet, whatever, ribeye, whatever you want. It's just not comparable, and I don't know how else to explain it.

You have to eat it, and you're like, fuck. Like, okay, this is not something you in Atlanta more than once a year it's just I thought I had had good steak but after hearing that story I don't think so anymore like I've been to restaurants that charge you $100 for their steak I we get a good steak here that like I think it's like $50 and it's just uncooked steak like my wife makes it really well it's one of her dishes that I mean that's yeah that's what I I like to think that I have really, really mastered the steak cooking. It's my favorite food when I cook for myself.

But there's just a level of care for this beef that it's just too rich. I don't know how else to explain it. I've never sweat after four ounces. That's clearly something I haven't seen. They're giving too much attention to those cows. You're right. The masseuse in particular. They need to temper back the care until you get – until like a six-ounce meal isn't like you're sweaty and uncomfortable.

I say we get ourselves some Wagyu steaks and eat them on the show. Yeah. No, you should. I'll eat steak on the show. You're awake away, right? Like how hard is it? My thing is like if you're going to cook it, you know, don't fuck it up. Because, like, you could also, there's also a

marbling level from 1 to, I think it's 12 or 13, where 8, 5, 12, that's $100 an ounce or some shit, and it's, like, all the people that do the whole steak for a living thing, they go, you get one ounce of that and you're done. Like, you just get one ounce and then fill yourself

with something else because it's just too Much it's too easy to be enough. That's what I don't understand it It's it's a very weird feeling to be full from four ounces, but it's just that rich It's like I said, if you take he is a little smaller than you. Oh, yeah Why would you put this in a burger? That seems like the most retarded thing ever? What is the purpose of... Okay, you're stone-cold darted if you're buying this and putting it in a burger.

Dude, I don't know. You're a fucking idiot. I like burgers. When I make my hamburger, I get some really high-end organic beef and then I mix in bacon, fat, and stuff. I don't know. Maybe it would be a delicious burger.

But if you're spending $250, you probably should get a ribeye or a filet mignon or yeah and the whole strip steak is like the level of marbling and the evenness of it and the meltiness in your mouth like if you put that in a burger it just becomes regular meat with a normal fat high fat content you can buy uh a5 15 pounds of a5 wagyu beef ribeye steak. Not even like the prime cut, but like close enough. It starts at

$3,800. And then it just only goes like, I mean, it is 15 pounds, so it's not like beat around the bush here, but then you have to cook it. It's just like I was the same way. I was all about steak, and then I went there and I was like, oh, okay, well, this is actually what the 1% eat. Wagyu steak, I'm out same way. I was all about steak, and then I went there, and I was like, oh, okay.

Well, this is actually what the 1% eat. Wagyu steak, I'm out. I'm done. They're mostly out of stock. Here's a Wagyu steak dog. This is just a hot dog of Wagyu beef, I guess. $85 for 25 hot dogs. Can you imagine giving a hot dog like this to your drunk friend at a barbecue

you think they're gonna appreciate this you jackass no no we're gonna break out drunk on the $3 beer you break those out for the discerning clientele i think you know i am not just gonna connoisseur yeah and more likely i'm just gonna eat them all myself like uh you're not gonna enjoy this i'm gonna spend this much i feel like it's gotta be filet and the reason is that's the one my wife knows how to make that's what we get or ribeye well i mean i know that she can make that like i'm not saying ribeye is bad i'm just saying like it might be bad at my house i'm gonna say if you're gonna go to here uh there they they do have wagyu and kobe beef in charlotte uh at the carolina food market the problem is that you have to discern between american kobe beef and japanese wagyu

kobe beef like there's american cows that are raised similarly but they're not the certified it's the same it's the same bloodline it's the same bloodline um i was just reading that but but but then they then the guy goes right after that he's like but some people say the japanese ones will melt in your mouth but i've never had that from the american ones so here's the plan you buy yourself an adventure motorcycle we take this you can ride dirt roads all the way from maryland to california we will just go via dirt road on motorcycle across the continent and then have this steak. Do it. I'll meet you up there in San Francisco.

I'll do it. I wish that I had more friends that like the same kind of vacation as me. I like vacations where every time I go to the beach, I probably spend 60-70% of the time just reading and not moving.

Yeah. Like just drinking and reading and not moving. It's great. I like vacations that involve discomfort. You know, I want to go to a third world country. I want to ride my motorcycle across a third world. I want to like do something scary. Let's go on a hike.

I like hiking. I like like when we come back from this vacation it should be like we did a thing didn't we like i get that feeling you want to feel accomplished you want to feel like you did something with your time off i have some friends like that that are like hey you want to go hike uh mount hood and i'm like no like when i was living up in portland i was like guys that's great i'd run i want to go to bermuda and do do nothing. This last link I sent is the legit stuff. Yeah, this breed accounts for 90% of Wagyu raised in Japan for it to qualify. The beef must grade A4 or A5,

but they're saying that they only use A5 with a marble score of 10 or higher. It goes to 12, I think you said. Less than 3% of all Wagyu produced in Japan receives this quality. So this is the top 3% of Japanese Wagyu beef that we're describing here. 24 ounces for two. Yes, it's the whole thing with Wagyu beef is the marbling of the fat. It's all perfectly. There's no like gristle.

There's no like a fatty chunk. It is all there. So when you cook it, the fat just the flavor is just throughout the whole piece. That's the kind of thing. It's amazing. This is what I would want. This whole tenderloin. $900? This is $900.

Holy shit. You can get something like that at Costco for $80. Same size, and it's really still good quality meat. I mean, a bunch of Japanese guys didn't massage the cattle, but it's fine. I know where you can pay to get that done after the fact anyway.

You just take your Costco tenderloin into the massage parlor, like, two for one, two for one. I'd like the retroactive Wagyu treatment. Get the happy ending for him, too. I don't know. I'm kind of interested in this beef. I may order some. Although, I... $9. What are kind of interested in this beef. I may order some.

Will we get to order filet? They're all sold out. Maybe I'll do a little more research. I would implore you if you can find a restaurant that will sell legitimate A5 Wagyu to go there solely because they're not going to fuck it up. If they do, you're going to get your money back. God forbid your wife

goes to do something and you just sear the bottom of your 300 steak yeah i'll cook it myself for sure um i'm pretty i'm pretty good at that sort of thing but there's no restaurants in atlanta that sell this super fancy pants beef it seems this website says there are eight restaurants in america that sell it. Yeah. Is this something also where they're, like, manufacturing specific criteria to qualify as Waigu beef just to keep the market super tiny just for them? Where they're like, oh, also, they all have to wear red bells

and have this song played to them at 7 p.m. Otherwise, they're not legit. I'm sorry, we're the Waikou council so I thought the same thing too and Woody made a good point like when I was in TwitchCon was in San Diego so this place called I think it's called Lone Star

it's an amazing steakhouse super highly lauded it was during restaurant week wait Lone Star? I don't think it's called Lone Star that was probably like a fucking that's a chain yeah we have one of I don't think it's called Lone Star. That was probably like a fucking... That's a chain. Yeah, we had one of those in Apex. It's called Outback. It's a little

hole-in-the-wall place. Longhorn, I think they call it? I like Lone Star. It's Cowboy Star. I'm sorry. Cowboy Star. So, very different. Either way, the whole thing is that they only serve American Wagyu. And now all of us at the table having had real Wagyu, we decided to opt for the American Wagyu cut, had it.

It was an amazing steak. Like there's no way you could ever take somebody there and they will ever complain. It's a great, great steak. But for whatever reason, I don't know if it's because they didn't sing him his bedtime story or touch him and jack him off every night Like that steak was not even comparable to what I had and it's just an absurd Realization and no like fuck if I want that experience. I have to spend hundreds of dollars to get it again. It's like weird I found the first time you have really good sushi like when you like when you're like younger and you really think of sushi

as like california rolls or like maybe a little nigiri thing which is like the the the rice that's sticky and then like the low quality tuna on top or some like bullshit salmon that you get at a local like whole foods and then the first time you go like to a nice place and you're like oh i'm gonna get i'm gonna splurge like yeah bring me the sashimi fucking boat where you bring this giant thing out and there's like three pounds of quality meat and then you eat that and you can't go back to just the trashy sushi i will say i can go i can go back just fine like i i'll go on the day but it's it's exactly like that where you have that realization like there's a cut above that like i could notathom. There it is. And I'm happy to know it existed. But I'm going to stay in this lane over here.

The $40 steak. The place you went to in San Francisco, was it called Alexander's Steakhouse? It was called 5A5 Steakhouse in San Francisco. Well, there might be something wrong with this list then. There's definitely more than eight restaurants certified to sell Wagyu. They might be, you know, like you said, this one family thing. But the steakhouse that I have, they literally give you a – I don't have it. I guess I didn't bring it in the move.

But it's a fucking framed plaque with everything about the cow from Bert like I mean it really well. I was like what do I do with this? I put it on my wall like guys like I did spend a lot of money on a piece of meat like With it, but I don't have any kids, but I'm very proud of this cow. I It was great guys. Yeah, I got good grades in school. I've got the certificate right here So Brendan goes and and we're sitting down the menu like my thing is anytime you see a menu with even prices like that place is you know probably trying to feel a little bit upscale running goes why do they have

the calories listed next to the food and justin wong jay wong from twitch goes brendan that's the cost of the food that's not the calories calories. He looks back down and he goes, oh, the cheapest thing on there is like 280 bucks. And you're just like, oh, okay. I was wondering, 280 calorie burger, lose some weight. Yeah, exactly, man. Yeah, I'm excited.

I'd make an effort. I'd make an effort to try and get my family i'm like if i could i would swing by georgia pick up kyle and go to texas on a trip uh that would be fun but like a car just sounds dull no get a motorcycle and do a business trip and film it and make it make a make a thing out of it you know make a thing i would love to do that but like we did a um a survival trip and which basically we went camping and didn't bring any food. Was that the Costa Rica thing or was that later on? I don't think it was Costa Rica.

I don't know. The last time I remember you guys or you going on a trip was a man trip to some island. We used to go to the Dominican Republic in Nicaragua. There we go. There we go. No, this was a PKA thing, and we went out into the woods in Georgia, I think, and didn't bring any food. The idea was we were going to hunt it and find it. didn't work out we didn't like i caught a couple crayfish that didn't go very far um the best we did is some guy came by and gave us cookies that was all we did

for like survival skills but um they were literally saved by the muffin man yeah yeah yeah and muffins, too. But I finished that trip. Not that I did much. We mostly just, like, conserved energy all week long. But I felt like I did something. You know, I had been in the woods, showered in the river, and, you know, didn't eat any food. Called a couple crayfish and, like, hiked to a camping spot. Like, I felt like I did something.

That's the kind of vacation I dig. Everyone else, never again. They just completely hated it uh thoroughly i got you i understand i think i think there's definitely a way you can do it that would make it beneficial for everybody but like i'm not i've done a couple outdoorsy stuff to the point where it's like not i need my first world amenities you know i need if i can't can't get cell, so I'm going on a party cruise for like my first real vacation that I've taken in ages in a couple days.

And we go to the Bahamas. No cell service or anything. It's literally a ship that has concerts on it and you go for four days. They stop off at a private island. You stay there for a day and then you go back. And no cell service, no internet. And I'm thinking to myself, I'm a a little nervous like I've only gone maximum three days without internet in my life you know like this

is this is an uncharted territory for me I don't think I could do the middle of nowhere woods like if my cell phone is dead I'm dead I'm scared like I can't I can't do that you should schedule some confusing Facebook I can't do that. You should schedule some confusing Facebook posts and Twitter posts. I did schedule some tweets, dude. I scheduled some tweets. I was like, guys, I can't. I got videos scheduled. I'm going to schedule some funny tweets. I don't know.

I'll figure it out. Maybe you guys will just be hanging there at 2 p.m. It's like, wow, this ship is really sinking kind of low in the water, guys. But, yeah. I can't help but say this. Forgive me for being the dad. Be a grown up use some suntan lotion, don't ruin your trip

by turning red like a lobster I am one of the you good that way? I'm one of the prime proponents for give me that SPF 30 to 35 not that 50, it's not that effective more, but like I'm liberal about it, I had one bad sunburn

that was it for me I had sun poisoning. I was done with that shit. Never again. It's so bad. Girls in particular, they try to get a savage tan on day one of their vacation. Yeah, let me just burn and then shed it off and I'll be brown as fuck.

You're like, okay. And then they just have that bright, glistening white heart on their lower hip bone and then just surrounded by red tender flesh. Anybody reasonable sees that red flesh as an absolute badge of shame and stupidity. We're talking about sunburn. Oh, Tucker's going on a party cruise, which I hadn't heard of a party cruise. Is it a big ship?

It's on Norwegian's boat. It's called Holy Ship. It's the fourth year they've been doing it. My best friend in LA is playing on the ship. It's basically, think of an electronic music festival but on a cruise ship.

They basically start at 8pm and then all the shows and everything X amount of people goes till 5 a.m. And then at 11 every day, they dock at a private island and then you go off the ship. You sleep whenever you can and debauchery, alcohol, lots of sunburns and terrible hangovers. But that's kind of the point, you know. And since he's playing, I got a ticket. So I'm like, yeah, let's go. Let's go. And it and it should be awesome who you going with those by yourself no no no like I said my friends in LA they're they're both playing the festival on the ship so I'm

done with that I didn't get yeah a boat from Finland or we or why yeah no Norwegian is a big cruise liner. Like, I'm familiar with this company. Norwegian Epic is the name of the ship. The NCL. Oh, okay. So we go to Port Canaveral. We leave from Port Canaveral, go to Great Stirrup Cay, then there's a day at sea, and then we go to Nassau, and then

we sail back to Port Canaveral. Awesome. Never been on a cruise. Neither have I. This is my first. I'm like, great, this is wonderful i get to experience all of the things that you probably shouldn't do on a cruise heavy drinking sun music not sleeping and i've been on like 10 cruises but a couple of them are big like we used to do these cruises like um disney cruise yeah but when i said big i meant like they start in spain and end in florida we had one that went from california to hawaii to mexico back to california so like like i've been on cruises before

it's kind of cool let me take this moment to tell everyone a little bit about texture uh this time of year everyone is traveling but there's no way you're going to cram all those magazines you want to read into your carry-on bag. Now you can with Texture, the new app that gives you unlimited access to over 200 magazines. Texture has gone beyond delivering just the magazine itself. They've made it easy to find and enjoy the articles that you want to read with daily recommendations, exclusive interactive features, videos, and more. Texture is searchable. You can mark what you want, what you like,

check out back issues, view bonus video content and they even curate articles and magazines just for you or whomever you're giving texture to this year. Texture is normally $9.99 a month and you get over 200 magazines like I said but if you sign up right now at texture.com slash pka, you get a 14-day free trial. Why on earth would you subscribe to just a couple of magazines when you could have all of the best ones on your smartphone or tablet? All the time for way less. Right now, Texture is offering our listeners a 14-day free trial when you go to texture.com slash pka. That's 14 days to try Texture for free when you go to texture.com slash pka that's 14 days to try texture for free when you go to texture.com

slash pka all the magazines for 10 bucks a month that's a neat idea yeah that's a lot of zines that's that's a lot of zines a lot of zines guys that's cool yeah check them out That's cool. Check them out. Does anyone have a topic idea? I got a topic idea, guys. How do you feel about the new Call of Duty? Strongly opposed.

The new Call of Duty? I haven't played the new one at all. I have not even opened Infinite Warfare. I'll tell you what happens. I haven't played the new prestige on Modern Warfare Remastered. Yeah, I'm like fourth prestige maybe on Modern Warfare Remastered, third or fourth, somewhere on that line maybe.

And I put Infinite Warfare in. I played one round of zombies solo just to get a feel for it. It's good. The new zombies has a nice feel to it, the way your character moves, draws, fires. The weapons are cool. All that shit is nice. So the zombies might a redeeming uh factor for the new game i had been playing like i was like first prestige in modern warfare remastered before i even put the

disc in though and like wanted or i didn't put the disc or click the button and played it and uh i gotta say it's easier it was so easy really uh in comparison i'm on modern warfare remastered with an m40 like to quickscope people and I'm okay at it. I rarely string three quickscopes together, but I'll often get one and then two and then reload and finish a guy with my pistol.

I'm a fair sniper, but I'm not going on any streaks. I'm not going to drop a 40 kill TDM with a sniper. I just probably won't. In fucking Infinite Warfare, the first sniper rifle they gave me, I don't even know what it was. It looked insane. It instantly scopes in. There's no delay. It's like, boom, scope.

There's no sway. The scope is perfect. I was just, boom, quick scope, boom, quick scope, boom, quick scope. I was like, holy shit. What is this? It seems so overpowered. Was it like a plasma gun or was it a bullet gun? I used like two different ones. I used a bunch of different guns. Some of them, sometimes I couldn't tell the difference between

a sniper and an assault rifle really, because the guns in that game are so futuristic. There was definitely some kind of a ray gun, I think, that I used at one point. I don't really know. I played about three games of it. Did okay, I guess, just messing around, but didn't enjoy it at all. Like I didn't enjoy what at all like i didn't i didn't enjoy what i was doing it didn't seem fun everybody's jumping around and boosting and shit and this went back to cod 4 yeah cod 4 has been a blast we've been playing it's been outstanding me kyle and chiz we played for a couple hours like a week or so ago just running around in shipment uh hammer fights where all the new uh melees are a lot of fun i

wish that they would add some like custom beatings to it because it's annoying when you slice and it's the same animation as the shovel which is the same animation as the bloody serial killer hammer which is pretty cool i wanted to take that ice axe and like come up behind somebody and stick it in their spine and then like their legs drop out from under them. They go to their knees and you put your foot in their back and pull it out and then go along your thing. I want stuff like that. With the hammer, he should grab a shoulder from behind and just give them a double tap. Like a dunk.

Dunk. Wouldn't that speed cause you trouble though? It would cause you a lot of trouble when you're halfway through your brutal mauling of one character and another guy comes around the corner and is like, oh Jesus! And just murders you. Well there's already quite a knife animation there anyway. You've got a certain amount of microseconds to use there, so just fill that time. Don't make it longer, don't make it shorter, make them all the same length, but just utilize

the current fair knife melee, which is a quarter second or something three quarter uh you know maybe maybe three tenths of a second something a little more blood and gore like when you swing the hammer like let's see it embed in the head a little bit and hear a little bit of a crack or like something unique animations and sound like like each weapon should do its own thing uh just like i was telling you guys the other night we were talking about the same thing and i was talking about playing that game manhunt as a kid on PlayStation 2, I think. And it's this survival horror game. I played it for a couple hours when I was 12 or something.

But the way I remembered it was that you're, like, kidnapped. And it's almost like a Saw situation where, like, a voice is telling you you've got to get out of here and do a thing. And then you have to get out of this place where there are guards walking around. And it's sort of a sneak up behind them stealth game. But the difference with this game was that you killed people with weapons you found in like a warehouse in a street alley. So your first weapon was like a shard of glass and because it was stealth based and these guys were so like likely to catch you, the longer you like held the button combo for

an assassination assassination the more gruesome it became so if you just like snuck up behind him and tap triangle he just like stabbed him in the throat a couple times and then push him to the floor and keep moving but if you held triangle for like five seconds he would like disembowel these motherfuckers in a way that just like it wasn't cool as a kid i remember thinking like this is kind of fun but i also think i'm losing my soul with every like every like kill that i'm getting here like this feels too real this is gross it's it's a little much and because each weapon became gorier and gorier you get the crowbar and then you got like an actual knife like a butcher's knife or something and like i said

the longer you hold that shrine it got to the point where i was just like tap like i don't just just get it over i just really wanted to like ding, hit the guy in the head and kill him, but instead it was always some gruesome disemboweling, throat slicing kill. And that was PlayStation 2 graphics. Oh man.

I just realized I hit a hotkey on my XSplit, which is outstanding because I don't use this because of my camera. I use a capture card for my camera, so I have to use XSplit. which is outstanding because I don't use this. I use a capture card for my camera. I have to use XSplit. There we go. I'm back. What did you buy? Another paramotor?

I bought YouTube Red, the subscription service. I have that as well. I like it. Here's the scoop. If I'm honest, I ran Adblock for a while, right? And Adblock a year and a half ago made the whole internet better. Now it makes the whole internet worse.

I don't know if people are running Adblock listening to this, but every freaking site I go to is like, looks like you're running Adblock. I'm going to fuck this up for you. God forbid you try and read something on Forbes with ad block. I never read shit on their website ever out of principle now because they are such bastards. Because if they came out and said, this is a little thing, but it bothers me, when it says on those websites,

looks like someone's running ad block. Yeah, me, motherfucker. Screw you. Fuck, I'm not going to your website anymore. I'll get this irrelevant information from CNN.com where they're happy for me to steal it without fucking walking their ass. Just have it say, if you'd like to proceed, disable adblock. Like, don't be coy with me and act like you caught me. It feels like everywhere I go to says something like this, like, big pop-up, hey you're running adblock. I want you to know we're supported by ads, et cetera. On YouTube, the symptom was videos would take,

it'd be like five seconds of blankness before the video plays. And if you hit like play or like touch it at all, it just says like you're at zero seconds. This video is zero seconds long. Reload the page and try again, you asshole. You ran Adblock. Yeah. You got to use u you block origin first off because

adblock actually sold off their ability to block ads to google in return for uh google saying adblock was always like stop doing this fucking obnoxious pop-up like you've won shit but they're cool with regular ads so they they allowed google to supply regular ads you block origin is a slightly different thing i haven't had many problems. There are some sites that do that, but it's not... I start excluding a lot of sites because it's like, alright, I get it. I earn ad money. You can earn ad money. It seems right.

And then for YouTube, I bought YouTube Red. There's no ads if you buy YouTube Red. And I realize I watch more YouTube than I do Netflix lately. I don't know if you guys are the same, but I've been watching a lot of YouTube videos it depends I'm just like I bought and now YouTube is like the perfect experience you wish it was beyond that um I canceled Spotify a while back because we started paying for Amazon Prime and got like the Amazon music so I was like

all right I'll cancel Spotify why buy two and uh but when you get youtube red you get google play and that i haven't had it long so i don't know that i can really do it but i have i for me i grade it by how many people does it have and how are the pre-built playlists because i'm not very good at like knowing all the songs i've won on my list or something so i'll just be like you know what give me whatever's current pop give me a classic rock give me me a this. Give me a that. And I want to be able to not pay attention to it and like the songs that come up. And thus far, Google Play's been

like, I kind of like YouTube Red. YouTube Red is a good thing, man. I thought it was going to suck when it was announced, but it doesn't suck. YouTube Red is pretty cool. The ability to have... What's that? What? I don't listen to any music, especially not modern music. I don't know who's

hot right now, who's touring right now and selling out shows. I've got no fucking clue in any genre. Everything I listen to is all either comedy or news-oriented. It's some sort of... The speed dial on my Sirius of, yeah, like my, my,

the speed dial on my, on my serious goes like Howard Stern, Howard Stern, Jim, Jim Norton show. And then like Fox news, CNN, MSNBC.

And then when it rolls over again, when you go to, you know, more presets, it's just HLN and like Fox headline news, CNN, CNN business market or something like that. Jesus Christ. That's really all I listen to. That's a real adult playlist right there.

Yeah, I was like, you're a real dad, Kyle. Yeah, I'll put you to sleep in my car. There's no Taylor Swift popping in there. I'm going to bed. It's not my fault I slept in his car. Well, you listen to Limbaugh a good amount. You think he's pretty entertaining. Not a good amount. You think he's pretty entertaining. Not a good amount. I listen to Limbaugh when I'm

in a car that does not have satellite radio because he's on a local station that's like, I know right where it is. It's the conservative talk station. I like listening to him occasionally. It's nice to listen to everybody. I listen to Rachel Maddow occasionally. That's fun to go back. Listen to Rush

for three hours and then tune Rachel Maddow in and see if they disagree on anything. That's always that's fun to go back like listen to rush for three hours and then tune rachel mad out and see if they disagree on anything they might that's always a little fun game to play yeah um so yeah rush can be rush can be uh informative and and just seeing seeing where um one area of like the far right seeing how they view all those issues is really important if you're going to argue against them so so so like i i usually disagree with most of the things the far right thinks and most of the things the far left thinks so i watch both so that i can kind of figure out who's right and who's wrong it's it's it's hard if you only get it from one news source you'll never know yeah you know

this isn't a good news source but or in a lot of ways it's the best news source you i've just kind of discovered alex jones and all of the clips online it is it is hilarious okay if that's what you mean i was watching like you know how they'll do remixes of like politicians saying silly things yeah usually it's like two clips of them saying something stupid that they have to do different timings to make it seem like they said it a lot of times and really they only said it twice. There are whole remixes of Alex Jones talking about goblins

in the government. And gay frogs. But the goblins one, I don't think they reuse a clip or soundbite the whole time. It's a whole remix taking different opportunities from all around the web where he's talked about goblins. And I don't know they reuse a clip or soundbite the whole time. It's a whole remix taking different opportunities from all around the web where he's talked about goblins. And I don't know what he actually means. InfoWars.

If he thinks they exist or if that's his word. Yeah, yeah. I got to ask you. Are goblins – did he go through some sort of mental math to – Democrats are trolls and now we call them goblins and that's our insider kind of thing But I don't fucking care because the whole video is just about him ranting about like, you know All these people are in bed with goblins, you know, and we're playing that like 1993 movie troll He's like if you watch closely here, you'll see back and to the left back and to the left This is no act of fiction fluoride in our water is making frogs gay. I might be able to sign off on that.

That makes sense, right? Of course the federal government is using fluoride to turn us into homosexuals. To make us weak and feminine. And easier to bear the yoke of the democratic slave machine. That could be. That could be true. Did you get your survival kit? That's what I want to know.

Your food bucket for the hard times? That's what I don't like about those right-wing guys. That's be true. Oh, it could be, yeah. Did you get your survival kit? That's what I want to know. Your food bucket for the hard times? That's what I don't like about those right-wing guys. That's one of the many things. But what they do, they're kind of scam artists slash businessmen. I don't know. It depends which side of the fence you're on. What they do is they're fear mongers. They're always telling you what you should be afraid of, what's coming. And it's a couple of things they'll do.

Oh, the market's going to crash. Currency's no good. And, of course, the right wing really hates the Fed, and maybe for good reason. But they'll preach gold. So they'll push those sites that will sell you gold, whether it's some sort of bullshit minted gold $50 coin, or it's actual material gold. Or there's another way to purchase gold that I'm not thinking of right now. It's like buying it as the commodity. They'll push gold, but then what they'll also do is they'll start talking about biological warfare,

nuclear warfare, power grids being hacked, and how your family won't have food for three to five days, etc., etc., etc. But buy Alex Jones' survival food bucket right here. It's five days' worth of high-calorie food for your family in a self-contained, non-perishable five-gallon bucket that'll last for 18 years. $90. $90. And they do that.

And all of the major conservative guys do that. Glenn Beck has his food buckets. Glenn Beck's more center than. He did gold on Fox News. That was his thing. Well, the gold is a little more easy to get in bed. That's rationalized because because you're like gold is a good asset to have currently the gold may not so they're selling gold

like it's it's like it's literally a silver bullet you know it like it like it's oh this is where you want your money it'll never have a problem but it is pretty fucking stable right like the the gold market isn't going to drop out like a lot of you know it's it's just not a big plus to do it you're not gonna lose anything by investing in gold i don't think but if you buy a food bucket if you buy a food bucket you've lost 90 fucking dollars because if the heart if the times ever get so hard that you're cracking open that bucket then god damn dude like like what you really should have done was put 15 pounds of rice in the fucking cupboard and a bunch of cans of beans or something.

Right, yeah. And flour, cornmeal. Or like a literal large book for $7. You can go to Costco and get enough food for your family for a month for $90. Getting cornmeal and rice and, like, it's absurd. So I don't like that part of those guys at all but they are very entertaining sometimes like that or the uh the supplements like the made-up supplements that a lot of them sell like alex jones i know he does that really

big where they sell things that have no evidence at all because they're not fda regulated and so they'll just be like oh this uh mushroom powder is gonna make you so much smarter so much and so intelligent and you know you just gotta take it and. And you know, you just got to take it and trust me, you know, and you just do that. And they make huge amounts of money selling made up bullshit supplements, which is just, I mean, they're, I don't think they buy into it. Like, I don't think most of the people who hawk those snake oil elixirs actually believe they work. Maybe, maybe they do. I actually, you know, if there's one person out there who actually believes that stuff, maybe it's Alex i i actually you know if there's one person out there who actually believes that stuff maybe it's alex jones maybe he really thinks he's selling miracle pills

but i was trying to watch just one of his actual videos the other night just to see how it compared to the remix silliness and it was one about you know it was like alex jones my best rant on pedophilia and it was on his channel and i'm like okay i'll check that out it's a 28 minute video i made it two minutes in because 70 seconds in he had already claimed that there was a global pedophile ring that extended throughout not just the federal government but the entire government and it wasn't just the government it was cops and firefighters and the entire education system where all these teachers were this controller is fucking kids and you're like yeah it's like you've completely gone off the rails like what the fuck you know i keep hearing a lot of like i think that's off the rails first of all

this global uh pedophilia conspiracy at least like that saturated but man a lot of stuff came out in the uk about their uh about their politicians and that whole pedophile scandal. It definitely is a fact that there are people who really like fucking children. They're really, really into it. And among that subset of individuals, there are people in power with enormous amounts of power and wealth and influence who also like fucking children. And I think that it's such a dirty thing. We look at that as like the lowest of the low, right? Like you put a pedophile next to those four black guys that are torturing that mentally ill kid.

And you're like, those four black guys are going to get on my team and we're collectively going to stomp the pedophile. That's what will happen nine times out of ten. So it's such a secretive thing that I think once you get an organization, if you can call it that, or at least a group of friends who are all in power and we're all into fucking kids, that's a bad guy group sticking together. I don't know. I'm more likely to believe that pedophilia is at the center of a conspiracy than anything else because it requires a conspiracy for, because it's such a hated thing. Did you not see that huge pedophilia, crackdown. I just pulled it up. 40 people in New Jersey were arrested for having, like, some... I wish I could find it.

Some... All right, so they had over 1,000 porn images of kids, and one had 76,000 files, to the point where it's like... And they have... Oh, wow, they've got pictures of all these disgusting humans. They all look like pedophiles. Pedophiles?

No, they all look like pedophiles. Pedophiles? No, they all look like pedophiles, every single one of them. It's not even a fucking contest. Wow, they should've just went and fucking picked them out! Literally! Like, name one person on here you'd see at a store and you'd go, you're not a pedophile. Like, look at these people. There are a lot of rough looking people on here. Look at the bottom row, second from the left. I mean, if I see him-

He looks like Brian Pe mean if i see him he looks like brian peppers i see him i'm making a citizen's arrest right away he looks like fucking brian here look at this kyle this is what that guy looks like he's fucking brian peppers over here he does oh yeah that's pretty good oh my god yeah that is brian this looks like one of those pictures that it would be fun. Like, you know, those 4chan images where they give people crazy names and superpowers. Like, this looks like one of those. They look like regular people to me.

No, these are... Well, you live in North Carolina, so it's different. They look like our Congress. I like that one. I guess some of them look a little like they've got weird facial hair and stuff. I mean, yeah, there are some that... The guy third over top row, third from the left

looks semi-normal. Am I doing the right thing? I feel like mine aren't organized like you. Oh, I see. Here's the statewide one. Yeah, I'm much more likely to believe in a conspiracy surrounding pedophilia than I am most other conspiracies because I know there are pedophiles. Apparently that drive that drives a pedophile is a very powerful thing. Like nobody ever wants to get on the touchy subject of is that a mental illness and maybe they can't help it and maybe this is the worst nightmare of all time to actually be a pedophile you know we're happily we're happy to look at a transgender

person and say no that's not a mental illness at all that person is born that way that is how they are call him her that's the correct pronoun but you'd never look at a pedophile and be like look i know it's awful and because of the one like some of us don't like looking at it yeah it does make us a little uncomfortable one involves only one person and their decisions to themselves and one involves one person their decisions that affects other people At least that's kind of my guess Like like what if what if their whole thing is i'm a non-violent pedophile They just like to hang out at the park and like watch the kids intently every day And jerk off to like cartoon images of children being fucked like that's still because

that would be like a heroin addict being like oh i don't do heroin i just hang out under the bridge and watch homeless people do it all day and hang out like eventually you're gonna slip all cigarette addict with that nicotine patch on just trying not to be the be the devil yeah there's no way we're really trying to stretch this one here i'm'm not. I'm just saying, for example. I understand. I mean, yeah, very well may be a mental illness. There's no one...

It definitely is, because people don't want to be a pedophile. It's the lowest of the low, like we said initially. Think about how strong a normal sex drive is, right? Like, you know, you really want to have sex if you were driven they just made a real bad decision like it would suck if if all the uh effort and attention and drive i had towards sex was geared

towards sex with children like that that would be it'd be a big driver that would suck and you wouldn't you wouldn't choose that because that would be a horrible thing your monster to choose like so but at the same time you can't just be like oh i just like to hang out at parks and and go to i got the you know my chucky cheese regular pass you know i got i got a uh gosh gosh credit card go in there and spend a bunch of money on all the kids like that no you can't be doing that shit because you're eventually you're gonna you're gonna give in to being a pedophile like i'm sorry if if it is a mental illness like but it that doesn't change the fact that you can't just be around kids you're gonna hurt a child they were born that way it then it's a mental

defect that's their orientation yeah okay well then i don't i don't see that as a problem because obviously some orientations are better than others someone who only wants to have sex with chickens dare you isn't as all sexual orientations how dare you marginalize any sexual orientations yes all right it doesn't matter if you think you're a if you identify as a frog and and and for you to get off, you need to go down to the water, strip naked, and jerk off on some eggs that are floating in a little pool of water to fertilize them, then I'm okay with that. Okay? If that's your thing. If you identify as a frog, if you identify as an amphibian, then who am I to say I'm not an amphibian?

If you want to do it, I say go for it. Just don't pretend that that's not weird and not helpful for society. it i say go for it just don't pretend that that's not weird and not helpful for society like you're they got what if they got a real doll that was a child and and and and and they they they took their frustrations if you will out on that would that be okay if i'm confused like a sex doll but yeah real doll is a very hyper realistic sex doll i mean when you slap that thing's ass it jiggles like like what if you made one that was a prepubescent boy and started selling him and he was Jimmy Titehole.

You were selling these little Jimmy Titeholes to every pedophile in the country. I'm sorry that Tucker missed out on this. I looked up gold as an investment. I had to know whether gold was a good investment or not. It was a little better than I thought it would be, but gold was worse than silver,

and silver was worse than the S&P 500. You know why? I think that I've heard, I've been told this by an individual, not by any research online. They told me that all of the silver that there is is a known quantity, I think. Like maybe they said that we find all the silver

that there is or something. That doesn't make sense, though. Maybe it was another material. I've heard that the amount of gold that there is on the planet is a lot less than you'd guess. It filled this room twice. It's not nearly as much gold as you think, which is why it's so stable.

You're not supposed to invest in gold to make money. You're supposed to invest in gold to hedge. In case're supposed to invest in gold to like hedge. To be like in case everything goes to shit. Like at least it's to survive the total collapse of the dollar, the United States economy, the global economy. Just to qualify this thing, the thing I'm looking at went from 1981 to 2010. went from 1981 to 2010. So the stock market did fantastic during the Obama years,

just that block. So I bet now 2016, the S&P 500 ran ahead of gold a lot more. Yeah, but like we said, gold is that safety investment that doesn't require any outside institution to prop it up. And you don't have some experts saying,

oh, I think gold is worth this much. It just is worth it. It's inherently stable. Yeah, yeah. People are always going to want gold because it's fucking shiny, and it doesn't corrode, and it's incredibly conductive, and it's rare. The numbers are interesting. Like 2007, before the stock market crash,

the S&P 500 was up $166,000 to $62,000. And then after the stock market went down the S&P was at $140,000 and gold was at $140,000 almost so I don't know if I'm reading this correctly but yeah oh here it is because it goes to 2011 that's where it pulled out ahead again

but anyway yeah yeah so I bet if you were to go to 2016 or something it would be much higher to get to the very important issue though that Kyle was bringing up, that Tucker missed out on, if they did provide real girl dolls, but it was real boys,

real lil fuckers, or whatever you'd call them. Little Jimmy Tite-hole! Little Jimmy Tite-hole. And then you could buy that, and it's just a silicone doll, and pedophiles have it. Are you just it's just a silicone doll and that's it on it Like are you playing they don't sell that I do they not sell that you already? I think they sell child don't think it's a market that anyone wants to be the first

Packaging is not in search of boys Oh wait now that I'm thinking out i'm typing out a child sex doll it's not what i want yeah you don't want to do that don't type listen yeah i say child sex doll like that went into that nsa hyper computer that just pulls keywords and fucking starts to roll those big old time recording tape like there's a bank of them somewhere like that you're done now oh let's talk about tv shows that was a topic topic that we were talking about getting started, and we never even got to it. So there's a lot of TV shows coming out.

It's the new – Sunny just came out. January has come. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia just debuted. I'm excited about that. Is that the whole season at once? No. No.

They're coming. They're pulling them out. Episode one is called The Gang Turns Black, Gang Goes Black, Gang Becomes Black, something like that. So I'm looking forward to seeing that tonight. Rick and Morty is where it's at. Rick and Morty is the smartest, most complex, fun cartoon maybe ever. And it certainly got my attention right now.

I've been watching. It has to fall off, right? I'm glad. No. I hope I'm wrong. I feel like Rick and Morty is is definitely gonna fall off this year we're two seasons in you're like like breaking bad yeah right but what i'm saying is that all right so i this is the first show that i went into and have legitimately i've i've watched tons of tv shows

i'm a big fan of a lot of them but this is the first show that i've watched and i've been like i'm watching this episode again tomorrow specifically to try and pick up on shit that I missed because it's that well written, that, you know. Deep and complex. Yeah, deep and complex. And so many background things. The animation will have little inside jokes. First of all, there's testicles

in the background of like every fucking scene of that show. Anytime we're in an alien environment, like if you look at the alien anatomies, like they'll just be testicle people. There's balls and cocks everywhere. There's deep science at the root of it all. There's a lot of nihilistic

Nietzsche philosophy there where life doesn't matter. Morals are ridiculous. Why even have them? That's all in the subtext and just right in front of your face. You see Rick try to kill himself and then just change his mind,

lay his head down and sob. One of the saddest fucking, and I was like, it's an animated show, right? Where you don't necessarily even have that, the same kind of like, that's a person connection. But that episode was just,

you watch it and it's like two and a half minutes of there's no audio except for music and the background noise. There's no voice lines or whatever. And it's like two and a half minutes of there's no audio except for music and the in the background there's no there's no voice lines or whatever and it's so impactful and i'm like fuck how is a drawing gonna make me feel like this you start to be bob's burger level of right yeah which is a good show but rick and morty is crazy good my fear is that like so i've watched like uh i think a game theory thing on and a bunch of fan things that that helped me observe things i didn't pick up on my own the first time or second time or third time and um but my fear is that they're not really there that someone's finding some super

subtle reference to a number on a keychain or something like that and that number was not as planned out as we thought oh it totally was oh it totally was. Oh, it totally was. They go through the trouble of animating it. You never see that in a cartoon where they go through the trouble of animating serial numbers and they're clearly visible in each thing. Of course, for some of the episodes... C-137, yeah.

And so the findings, of course, from that episode... We're talking about the episode where they go to Chits and Blitz and all that stuff, and at the beginning of the episode, they drop off the dad, what's his name, Gary? Yeah, they drop off Jerry at this holding facility for Jerry's if they happen to tag along on a Rick

and Morty mission and you want to just get rid of them. And at the end of the episode, we realize that we have been watching C-136 Rick and Morty this whole time, so none of that shit they do. Killing Fart, killing Combopolis Michael, none of that happened in the universe that we usually watch, the C-137 universe.

And then, of course, there's the whole evil Morty thing. There's the fact that we've got lots of photographs sprinkled in and mentions of those photographs of Rick with a baby Morty, when, in fact, Rick was gone for 20 years and Morty's only 14 years old. So Rick started with a different Morty in a different universe, and something went terribly wrong.

Maybe he turned his Morty into the evil Morty who captured everybody and has the eye patch and everything. That's what I think. That's his Morty. Or the fact that we leave the Cronenberg universe, right, and what happens to that universe that we just left, even though we entered a new one. I mean, the whole show, I would be right there with you. What are you saying? They're like oh shit Are we reading too into this like when you go into an English class and they're like this Apple signifies defiance

You're like it's a fucking Apple. Okay, it's not but After so like after spending some time with with the the with the whole group over there and the crew, I'm next to absolutely convinced that every single thing is meticulously planned, a full season in advance to tie everything in. Like, they don't fuck around here. We're talking about, you know, Dan Harmon is certifiably crazy, but also one of the most ingenious most kind of out there people i i'm willing to give them the utmost benefit of the doubt for anything that they bring in that may be seemingly like looking we're we're looking too far into it i just i am a huge fan like it's it is it's an

awesome show it's probably my favorite show right now And I don't think anything is reading too much into it because the nature of the show is you can make any fan theory that you want. There are fan theories in Breaking Bad that don't make any goddamn sense. If you just say, I bet Walt didn't have cancer the whole time. It's like, well, no, that doesn't make any fucking sense because he wouldn't have been selling meth, jackass. But this, you can make up anything, and it could be conceivably true like I was talking to Kyle about this the other day like after

Cronenberg world happened and you saw like Cronenberg Morty and Cronenberg Rick show up and be like I'm glad we're back in Cronenberg world Morty or whatever like after that. It's like anything could happen anything could be real both virtually from After that, it's like anything could happen. Anything could be real. Could both be robots from virtually anything. Well, what you're really saying is that virtually any scenario that we ourselves, the viewers, come up with is true in one Rick universe, right? Because we're talking about infinite universes where you could have two – there are so many. It's difficult to wrap your head around this. At least I think it is for most people but you know you could have two universes where everything is the same from the time period that oxygen developed on this planet to the the meteor that that hit earth that caused a big chunk of the

earth to glob off and become the moon and now the moon creates our tides which which allowed the evolution of of beings on this planet in general like all of those little ridiculous long shots have to happen exactly the same and they do except in one universe i've got dr pepper and the other got mountain dew right now you know it's there's that many however you hear rick and morty had this little conversation in the cronenberg episode um which i think is called rick potion number nine it is um thank you where where he says um uh he's like Morty, we only get like three or four of these. Seven Mortys, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like three or four of these. You can't be abusing this, Morty, you know.

And it's like, yeah, because there are only three or four more of these tops, Morty. Because while there are infinite universes, within that, there's maybe 10,000 Ricks that actually happen. And within those 10,000, maybe only 9, 900 of them are like super genius ricks and it just keeps breaking down until there are only four or five possible universes where we could have just slid right into somebody else's spot and nobody would notice anything that's that's there's only like four or five of those i love that i love that idea it's just a brilliant it's it's it makes you think but at the same time it's funny it's it's very i It's just... What? You said it doesn't make you think? No, I was saying...

That makes sense what Kyle was saying, but then I thought about it and it doesn't make sense, because if it's an infinite series of universes, there would be an infinite number in which it wasn't Mountain Dew, it was Mountain Lightning. Half of infinity is still infinity somehow. Yeah. Alright, so the difference here, the reason there's that little

disparity is one of those things is how actual, like, fucking multiple dimensions would work theoretically. And the other one is how the cartoon show Rick and Morty handles it. So, you know, of course, she's got that little flipper on her goggles where she's like, ah, what, you didn't have me in this world? You didn't have me in this world? You didn't have me in this world? Like, yeah, we're dealing with infinite universes, but Rick has destroyed a bunch of them by this point. All right, hold on. You know what I mean?

Like, a lot of those infinite universes have gone to waste because of the counsel of Rick's in their hygiene. Let me read this out. Hold on. All right, so this was – I found the comment that I was looking for, and this is a year old, and it's like whatever. for and this is a year old and it's like whatever but the the summation is that because there's an infinite number of of numbers between zero and one does not mean that between those infinite numbers you will ever hit two you will never get the number two even though there are an infinite number of possibilities between zero and one so while there are an infinite number of possibilities where something could come out Kind of what I was saying

You're not guaranteed to have a Rick and a Morty in the same kind of relationship where you can slide in there So like what we may be looking at is the tiniest sliver of the tiniest sliver of an infinite Possibilities I mean we're all idiots here none of us can probably you know write a paper on this but like at the same time It that makes sense to be where right time, that makes sense to me. It would be a good paper. Right. That makes sense to me. We could write one.

I understand what Taylor said. I wouldn't spell everything right. But if I was... Proliferation, proliferation, proliferation. I can still kind of stubbornly hold to this. Like, no, infinite means infinite. I mean, yeah. I'm excited, bottom line.

I'm very excited to see what they're going to do with season 3 solely because like, I mean, poor people who have never seen this series watching this show but like Mr. Poopy Butthole who the fuck is he and what is he? We don't know what that is I know what that is Alright, so

Mr. Poopy Butthole is part so that universe is a little bit of a disagreement. MPB is obviously present in the episode where the parasites come in and create all the alternate things.

But in the previous episode, you can see that you can actually see those things getting tracked in when he dumps those crystals into his box of shit. So we know those two universes are the same universes. We're not sure if that's C-137 Rick or C-136 Rick. It could be anybody because we've got all the Council of Ricks and so many Ricks out there.

But let's just pretend it is C-137. What it means, I don't think it is, first of all. But I think what it is is that we're looking at a universe where Mr. Poopybutthole exists, and he's always existed. And that's why we see the title sequence, when the credits are rolling at the beginning and you see all that stuff going on, he's in there because that universe has always been there.

How cool is that addition? That's what I'm saying. The things they do, they add this character. That's the wall breaking because that opens the door for something we've never seen in a cartoon. Rick is perfectly aware that he is in a cartoon written by by uh you know justin roiland and uh and dan harman he's got a picture of there's one part where he's got that big board that's like lines connecting stuff like he's trying to put

something together there's a picture of dan harman down there he's figured it out he's figured it out he knows he's in a cartoon that's why he's trying desperately to keep from getting canceled by- Well that's why at the end of the season he's like, alright, goodbye guys, that's the end of season one, talk to you later. I love it anyways because you've got catchphrases. One thing that I found interesting, Wubba lubba dub dub! Do we all know what wubba lubba dub dub means? I remember the bird guy, bird person. It means, help me, I'm in incredible pain in bird language. It's like he's saying it to the audience.

That's how I feel. I think we're going to get to a point, whether it's this season, next season, or like four seasons from now, where Rick stops and looks at the camera and he goes, I think it's all over. I want out, guys. I'm done. I'm done with this gig. I can't keep hanging out, guys. I'm done. I'm done with this gig.

I can't keep hanging out with this Morty kid anymore. You're driving me crazy. I don't care about the paycheck. I gotta leave. Maybe that explains why he's such a nihilist. Why he has no faith in humanity or life. Why he is the way he is.

Because he knows what he is. He's a cartoon character written by human beings in another dimension. I like your theory of the juice thing. Of why he's drinking all the ass juice or whatever it's called from those berries.

The mega juice. That's one that I'm buying into. I'm personally choosing to believe that yeah no of none of the other ricks drink uh at all none of them they don't drink yeah that you see him drinking you don't see him drunk you don't see him with a bottle there's only one guy who's drinking and it's it's it's our main c137 rick and he's not drinking booze it says xxx on the bottle but it's green okay was he drinking absinthe i don't't think so. It's the same shade of green, and they're very careful with their animation. They don't just pick

magenta one day and red the other. If you look at Mr. Poopy Butthole get shot, his blood is crimson. The bad guy's blood is a shade of pink. So he clearly differentiated that right away. So I think that, oh shit, did I lose my train of thought here? Where was I? Come on, help me. Drinking the X-Juice.

Talking about drinking the X-Juice. When Morty puts the Megaseeds up his ass, and then he goes into that whole my train of thought here. Where was I? Come on, help me. Drinking the ash juice. Drinking the mega juice. Morty puts the mega seeds up his ass and then he goes into that whole seizure fit. He's drooling green. The same shade of green that Rick drools when he drinks the stuff. The mega seed side effect on Morty was to make him temporarily a genius.

That's just from having them up his ass. If you concentrate and make a juice, then all of a sudden the Rickiest Rick is this guy drinking genius juice constantly. And that's why he's ahead of everyone. But he's also always drunk. Yeah, he's also an alcoholic. The first episode, he's fucking hammered flying the thing. And then he's like, I'm going to wipe everybody out.

Well, the theory is that it has an intoxicating effect and only through tons of use. Because you saw that happen before you. It's him drinking alcohol. All the bottles say triple X on it and he's chugging alcohol and then he passes out and the bombs aren't, right? We don't know it's alcohol. Yeah, I think it is because all the jokes about him being an alcoholic.

He's not telling you he's not an alcoholic but she's like the cute alcoholic because she's the mom but she's still an alcoholic kind of thing. She should work for wine. I hear what Kyle's saying. He's like, alright, I recognize that it has some symptoms that an alcohol drinker might have,

but we don't know, know. It could very well just be genius juice that has an intoxicating effect. That's what it is, because that's what happened to Morty when he was exposed to the mega seeds. He fell, he passed out, he was trembling. maybe after you drink concentrated mega seed juice for years upon years you develop a tolerance for it and now you're

just buzzed you're just drunk and burping all the time we've only seen him pass out once and that was in the very first episode so i like that fan theory i think that he's drinking some genius mega seed juice and that's what's making him one step ahead He's the smartest genius cool idea geniuses. What a great fucking show though. I love it You haven't seen it. You're fucking up. It's not even a joke. You're fucking up not children show This is an adult cartoon with very adult themes of depression people die. It's Some sex stuff in there too emptiness of the universe what's it all about what'd you say talking the zorp episode the one with the naked the whole time no the one with the the where morty has a kid not a spoiler but yeah yeah like the the sex thing

yeah it's just oh right very few times have i watched a show and ever been like this is outstanding and very and almost never have i re-watched a show so many times have i watched a show and ever been like this is outstanding and very and almost never have i re-watched a show so many times where i can go yeah i can name the name of an episode and tell you exactly what's happening here you know it's that show is outstanding yep i think we're watching episodes is that right yeah i that's what i heard i'm not sure if that's like a we're getting it or that's what we're hoping to deliver. I would imagine they start rolling out as soon as they've got enough of them on U.S. soil and ready to roll out in a row. It was supposed to be the 9th of January was the rumored start date.

Justin literally said today it's not January 9th and he has no control over that. So I'm assuming it's going to be at least a couple weeks oh yeah it's real close yeah if he said that about January 9th you can just tell by it's inferred that really really soon because for all he knows it's January 8th but what he's saying in that

what he didn't say was like well we're still waiting on the animation team from Korea to finish the no he was like it's all in november though yeah but but now he's saying i'm not real sure it's not ninth but i don't really know it could be it's a real soon i bet we get it by the end of the month maybe i would be over the fucking moon i don't know you guys are i think reading into something that like if he's like oh it's not going to start on the ninth i know that. That could easily mean there's no fucking way we're having it done that

week. We're barely done. As far as I know, parentheses, and I would know, season 3 does not air January 9th. Slash face, whatever you want to call it. They're like, nah. Go ahead

and Jody Arias me. I don't know what that means. That's's what he said i don't know who jody arias me jody airy jordan martin this like i am oh jesus christ was killed by his ex-girlfriend okay so she murdered somebody so she's saying go ahead and murder me. Yeah, man. He really needs to come on with those books But look I would rather him take far too long than not long enough You know I want it because at the end of this thing I want it to be a masterpiece that like is a masterpiece 40 years from now you look at what Tolkien did Tolkien didn't write Lord of the Rings and the Cimmerillion in a week. It was a

lifelong work for him. And I think that at the end of Lord of the Rings, if Martin doesn't die this year, or next year, or in the next eight years, because I think it'll take him like seven more years to get them all out, because he's got another book after he finishes this one. Let me lay out my frustration though. Like, in 2015, like

towards the end of it, there was this big thing, like, ooh, is it going to come out before the season starts and such? And it didn't. The season happened first. And then in 2000, I might be mixing this up. Maybe it was early 2016 or, like, a few months later in 15. You know, he's like, I might make it.

You know, we'll see. You know, like, it's a close call. Oh, and his publisher said, like, hey, if you got it to us now, we could still speed this up and get it out before the show started. You know? And what's the name of the next book, Taylor? What book am I talking about for? Winds of Winter? Yeah, Winds of Winter and then Song of Spring or something like that.

Right. Right on both counts. So Wings of Winter, like he was like, you know, if I finished it it now i don't think it would beat the show and his publisher was like we will speed things up and get it out before the show so that was like the status report it has been a full year and not like how could he have maybe been two weeks from finishing and it turned out he was actually like 70 weeks from finishing and counting that's my frustration it's like give us an update, bro. You know, like, I don't even hold out hope anymore. Like for the first couple, probably through season.

That's the St. Louis fan in you. Yeah. Through the, exactly. Like up to like season three, I was like, like right around the red wedding part was when I started to get worried where I'm like, oh fuck. Like they did a great job portraying this, but he's got to hurry up with

these books like because they're going through this quick like i feel like red wedding was pretty deep into this story and they just hit this in season three so they gotta fucking hurry up and i i just i try i don't even think about it anymore like i fully am in the headspace that he will never release the book because i don't want to be disappointed about it because i'm assuming he will never he's gonna release it it's look he's gonna he's gonna release that book i you want to make a bet right now i bet that book is out by the end i would bet just about anything anything below you know 150 or so that it's gonna be out by the end of the year it'll be out this year i should qualify my statement not that the next book won't come out i don't think the series is ever

going to be completed by george rr martin like i don't think it's going to get to the point that all the books are released by him. Someone else is going to have to supplement the last book when he dies because he took fucking forever to write this. What if, and this is a big what if, it doesn't really even make any sense from a marketing or writing standpoint as far as I know. What if he's been writing both books? I have that thought process too. What if Christmas, he says, Winds of Winter will be out December 20th, and next December 20th, 2018, you get Song of Spring or whatever it's called. That's what they do with movies and it works out well.

Did he do two books at once already? I know there are two books that he plays over the same period of time. I don't know if he wrote them at the same time, but part of the fourth book coincides with part of the fifth book, I believe. Like the timelines go concurrent in parts. I've seen a graph that shows his writing progress in years for each book. And from that Reddit link, I didn't gather what you're suggesting there. It didn't seem that he was writing books simultaneously. It seemed that it was like, oh, yeah, like five years for the first one and eight years for the second one.

And like, you know, it just kept getting longer as you went to like these are just made up numbers. The thing is the pages per day, right? Like like like a Stephen King who's known at the high end does like 40 pages per day. Most authors average like 20. Gurr Martin averages like seven yeah like he averages in the words per day yeah yeah it's it's present let's see when game of thrones the first the first book came out when i was like six years it was it came out in 1996 the book. How old were you in 1996? I was five years old. Jesus Christ.

My God. That's a slow burn, man. 1996, 1998, Storm of Swords. When did that come out? I said before you came back, Taylor, though, that when he's done with this thing, I want it to be a masterpiece that 40 years from now,

you know, we're still, you know, maybe it becomes a movie. You know, you could totally do that. I'd love to see this thing. It's like, what if you took Game of Thrones and made eight or nine movies? Fuck. People would go and watch them all. Yeah, I want it to be like the quality of, like, Lord of the Rings is big enough that

in 30 years, they're going to remake the movies again because it's that big. No, because the Tolkien – because of the estate doesn't want that to happen because of the way they treated The Hobbit. They've said, fuck you. They'll be dead. Well, they'll be dead, and maybe some grandson wants to get another billion bucks, so they'll just do it. Can you imagine what Lord of the Rings rings is gonna look like in 30 years like frodo's gonna be like a transracial dwarf or something they have to like go through and they have to say like little person frodo the whole way you know they can't call him a hobbit because it's very disrespectful right yeah very very culturally equal version of

middle earth who saw rogue one here i haven't seen either star wars one yet i need to get on that i'm not going to spoil anything um i swear i'm not good cgi yes yes but i was going to complain about one piece of it there this isn't a spoiler at all but there's two characters one you know in in the first or second ever released star wars the guy that gets choked by um darth vader without yes the guy who's like talking back in the board meeting yeah i think it's the same guy that guy has a big role in in rogue one and he's all cgi and while compared to like the video game characters that we're used to watching he's very good compared to a human you're like there's something off about him his upper lip ratio this isn't

perfect or doesn't move right or like you're and princess leia too she has a very young princess leia has a very brief role in it and um you're like ah yeah fake you know it looks fake and um but i'll i'll say this and i'm not gonna swear i'm not gonna spoil anything it's very gritty it's it's like they mixed in a little saving private ryan you know in that good yeah that was one of the things i liked about the the second most recent star wars i don't know what to call them anymore but uh it was like you know the shooting that the the dirt flew up and stuff and characters got messy you know if you go, the dirt flew up and stuff. And characters got messy. If you go to the Phantom Menace trio, I guess 1, 2, and 3,

they're clean superheroes bouncing around in high-tech cities and stuff. The most recent one, it seems like war, like an advanced version of war that we might feel. Seems like war. Yeah, and i really liked that about it um i i when i finished watching it i was like is this the best star wars ever it might be look like i will say without watching it that it is because people are liking it better than the force awakens and i look i said the force awakens is the best star wars movie that's ever been made wasn't a high bar, though.

The first three that came out in the 60s or 70s or whatever have bad writing, bad acting, bad pacing, bad special effects if you discount the space fighting scenes. I don't know why this became such a huge thing. The same year, The Last Starfighter just piddled out as this bullshit movie but come on man star wars is not good it's not good it's a great it's a nice idea it's a nice idea but like the first six movies were trash all six of them are this the the movie that came out last year the force awakens was a good movie now it was a rehash of the very first of episode um

four um and of course it got it got plenty of hate for that. But I was like, well, shit, you didn't get it right the first time. Looks like J.J. Abrams fucking fixed your work. Like he did it right. Although, if you rewatch them, and probably people have lately, it's like, you know, this doesn't hold up to time like I thought it would. It is actually kind of slow-paced. Not at all.

Yeah. I turned that shit off. I tried. I've watched it. as i do that with as a proper parent i had to expose my children to star wars otherwise it's kind of a variant of child abuse and uh so i've re i've seen them all in the last decade or so and and yeah they don't the pacing gets a little slower the idea of space pirates is amazing which is kind of how i feel you know this all space sword fighting and yeah it's cool but um and the most recent one is very good you guys should check out rogue one i think you should see it in the theater because it's worthy of it like a mad match

you know you won't see the whole thing if you're not in the theater and um i i didn't i came away liking it a lot so there it is good i'm definitely gonna watch it um yeah i gotta go check it out it made me wonder so right now actors command big dollars for um for the for the way they do you know if you get like a tom cruise in the film or jay london laurence chris pratt whatever i have the answer to your question before you ask it yeah so i these cgi characters are playing dead people or changed people or whatever will we get to the point where it's like oh do you want chris pratt cheap we can just cgi him no he will not he owns that yeah that's you own your likeness that's his ip wait wait a minute but would you taylor say say you sell you license

your likeness out to a movie studio and you can shoot a movie simultaneously at the same time and you don't have to do anything for this movie they're going to pay you half as much but they get all your mannerisms and shit i mean i would twice the work i would do it if i were an actor in the future but all like that's so far away from anything like like the one thing that humans saw a movie where one of the main characters was not real no no i'm saying it's so you said you noticed that it was bs right like you noticed that there was something off like they they're gonna get way way way better at that and people are still not gonna believe it because there's nothing that humans recognize on immediately

psychologically as a human face like if there's this tiniest thing wrong with a face you know immediately so it's always the skin you know yeah it's the skin that you notice it's the fact that the hair the it's so many subconscious things that you don't realize you're taking in when you're looking at a face that you just look at an amalgamation of features that looks like a human but you're like this is wrong like for the same reason that animals without eyes creep people out because we don't empathize with how they're perceiving the world and so it's spooky you know like there's just things about the face that we're never gonna get perfect yeah i feel like we're not giving credit to the rate of improvement thus far like like they're getting

good right there was a movie that just starred a guy and i i'll admit i he was off a bit something off i i don't know if it was his upper lip didn't move right. Did he ever talk to another CGI character, like two CGI characters talking back and forth, like him and another fake guy? I don't think so. I think it was always interacting with real people. Because that would totally exemplify it. If you did have someone in a scene, it would have to be one person talking to a human, I would think, and they'd have to have very minimal lines and not rely on

facial features. Have you seen the Planet of the Apes, the new trilogy? Well, the third one's about to come out. That same CG, you mentioned how, and it's very true, I've read it a bunch of times, how we're excellent at detecting real human faces.

We're the best at looking at human faces that there are. Yeah. And when it's not right, we get it. But that means that we're not that great at figuring out, like, ape faces. So when I watch Planet of the Apes, none of them are there. Like, there's no characters on screen a lot of the times. It's just CGI. And they sell it so well.

They do the eyes, the pupils, and the corneas of the eye looks so fucking when they zoom into that ape's eye he looks like a real fucking person and i completely buy that he is a real hyper smart evolved ape who has taken over like like i empathize with him there isn't a golem like character wearing not there well it's all that's i don't know but that's true because like it's easy to do it with animals I guess because you just anthropomorphize them and you want them to kind of be a human and you know its upper lip doesn't look totally right but whatever I don't talk to a lot of chimps day to day so I don't notice well we don't you know much to my chagrin yeah for great apes I think is it great apes

that's really your cup of tea not monkeys uh terrestrial apes yes so well my favorite arboreal ape is an orangutan because no wonder you like trump so much there you go like that's something i don't remember what clip it was but just just watching like orangutans or gorillas especially orangutans in the wild do their thing like those things can weigh like 400 by the way orangutans is a the wild do their thing. Those things can weigh 400... By the way, orangutans is a species propagated almost entirely on rape. Fun fact. Orangutans, they're just this gigantic 300-pound

monkey, and they can pull their whole body up on a whim with just three fingers. It's strength unimaginable. What are we looking at here? Gollum? My whole thing is that I get it. It's a lot easier for me to look at this and go,

what is it called? It's not cognitive dissidence. It's when you suspend disbelief. I'm able to suspend my disbelief and look at this and go, that's an ape. Let's go. But as soon as I look at this, I know it's cgi there's no question in my mind it is i maybe it's because it's side by side but very rarely have i seen a photo or

any moving image of something and gone ah now that i'm not sure about and i just think it's easier to do with animals because like what he said we don't have a day-to-day interaction with this type of animal so i can't go oh that looks weird we're excellent at water yeah water's outstanding they're getting much better at smoke and fire it gets better every day you know it won't be long until uh look at bed max like i like i think somebody said it well so beautiful i was just gonna say that the best cgi cgi that you don't know is there like yeah like if you notice that there's cgi if you go, that looks like CGI, somebody didn't do their job well enough. Did you see the Rocket Jump video on this?

Maybe. Maybe I did. It mirrors what you said, and it heavy influenced the way that I look at CGI. You know, and he talked about Mad Max a lot, too. He's like, yeah, Mad Max is this, like, triumph of practical effects, except that it wasn't.

And then, like, I thought it, too. I was like, oh, my, except that it wasn't. And then I thought it too. I was like, oh, my God, this looks so amazing. Like I'm on team practical effects. And then you saw what it looked like pre-CGI, and it really looked kind of ordinary. It looked like shit that like normal people could pull off in a YouTube video. And then they turn it into something magnificent. Well, they made all these cars. That's what I found interesting,

was the costumes, the vehicles, even those big, ridiculous vehicles were all real. They add in some flanking vehicles. There's those shots where you got the core group, the main characters and their vehicles, and then they add eight flankers or maybe a dozen guys on poles

swinging around. Things like the semi-truck, like upending and turning, they did that shit. They actually wrecked that thing. So it was a great mixture of the two. The CGI is complementing practical effects and vice versa really well. It's a good mix. The semi-truck will roll over and crash, right?

And the sand will scatter as it does. And then they turn the sand into like it practically explodes and goes head high and like flies around and and and like you said they just mixed in the practical and and the rest i i for reasons i don't fully understand apparently it's way easier to expand the fire than to make one out of nothing that yeah yeah so they did that a lot in Mad Max. Let me tell everyone about Blue Apron. Blue Apron's mission is to make incredible home cooking accessible to everyone.

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wait. That's blueapron.com slash painkiller. Blue Apron, a better way to cook. Cool stuff. Check them out. I recommend the lamb, the beef, and the pork. All my favorite meals were chicken. I like chicken. It's good too. There are quite a few good chicken meals. Yeah, I'm with you too. Lamb, beef, chicken. I i will say this regardless of what it is that you like if you kind of like something i would just include your favorites yeah i just don't care for seafood that much so like i just yeah i don't either um that fishy taste can can can be off putting yeah i occasionally like seafood but it's like i occasionally like seafood when i choose the one thing that i like out of the 40 options.

If someone else chooses the seafood for me, which is like the nature of Blue Apron, it kind of expands your recipe box. Just get your favorite ones. That's how I would do Blue Apron. And you can always go back and change it. Switch it to fish one week if you want that. So, Tucker, I saw your zero degree thing we were we were talking about this on the pk the earlier show and just how fucking stupid the hot knife videos are but then also i'm a big hypocrite because there's a channel on youtube called red hot nickel ball or something where

they drop into liquids where it's just he gets a nickel a ball of nickel very hot and then he puts it on things and I've watched many many videos of his but for some reason I think that it's less lame to watch a nickel ball than a knife because I don't have a guy doesn't do anything fucking stupid right it's literally him taking it out and putting on this guy has music and camera angles of him heating up on every fucking video is him for 30 seconds lighting this knife up to red hot I'm like I get it you could literally start the video with the knife red hot and go there we go you don't

have to prove to me it's hot it burns shit I can see it it's video plastic bottle of coke or something. Or fucking sponges. He did sponges the other day. I'm watching this for inspiration. I'm like, really? Like, you couldn't have gone to any store and gone, Well, this dishwasher detergent packet looks pretty interesting. No, he's gonna go for fucking fish eggs. And like, cut through the plastic and not even do anything with the fish eggs.

He's just like, let me cut this. The hydraulic press channel. Oh, yeah. Heated it up to red hot and then crushed the knife. Oh, really? Yeah. It's so meta. I didn't see that.

That's pretty funny. Get ready for Red Hot Katana 2017, boys and girls. That's what's coming. That's already been happening. Gotta one-up that motherfucker. It's not a bad idea because it's fun to watch stuff burn and be destroyed it's just kind of i'll say the channel i like yeah that's like that so they take a lawnmower and they sort of upend it so that now you have spinning blades just sitting there and just throw shit in it and just throw shit in that upended lawnmower blade thing but

what i'm thinking is no it's not but it should be but oh my god flame the lawnmower blade thing. So what I'm thinking is, no, it's not. But it should be. Oh my god, flamethrower to lawnmower. You heat those fucking lawnmower blades up to red hot and then turn that son of a bitch on and throw some like, I don't know, some flammable in there. Chop that all up. It's really satisfying to watch that stuff go into hell.

If you ran the channel like this guy, you'd like get it red hot, start it spinning and then just throw like jelly beans on it or something Stupid that nothing would happen Oh, you know, what do you know? They're sprayed all over the place Lotion great paint cans just chunk and spray paint cans and they're everyone but explode and bullshit everywhere Propane bottles the way that he cut like the one i that i remember watching the hot knife video it was just a cup of jello and it's so it's like i doubt he takes pride in his hot knife skills

but i would be embarrassed posting a hot knife video where my hot knife didn't even get all the way through the cup of jello before it slows down like i'm gonna reshoot that i'm gonna get a new and get it hotter i've got a suggestion see here's his problem he's heating the knife up and then going to work he needs a knife that heats itself he needs an electric knife he needs fucking current running to a blade i like keeping keeping it a thousand degrees so it's always hot and you could rig that up so easy like you could read that'd be so easy to rig up you could you'd have a knife that just stayed yeah just live you got you got you know that's how that's how heaters work you know the induction heater right we could do an induction

heated chair i don't think it's been done before just put shit in it you know induction heat jello induction heat knives induction heat we're going 25% on this one, Woody. You know, because I'm so sad how this works. Induction heat firecrackers and shotgun shells. It's this pseudoscience bullshit channels that, like, I admit, I too will watch one and I go, okay, cool. And then, like, halfway through the next one, I'm like, all right, that's enough. I get the point. But, like, it's these, like, experiment. enough I get the point but like it's these like experiment

thousand degree first off it's not a thousand degrees alright there's never been a temperature reader on that knife it's probably 800 degrees so first major issue second off it's just not interesting stuff it makes me so mad it makes me so mad that like from a viewer perspective I'm like cool from a

content creator's perspective I'm like fuck you seriously it's dumb it's a serious problem. In the YouTube frozen nitrogen or liquid nitrogen culture, good God, someone inject a little bit of creativity into those lame ass fucking scientists. I cannot watch another video of they have this cool ass liquid that can freeze anything in two seconds, and they put, like, eggs in it or a balloon. Grape. Useless things that couldn't be interesting. They couldn't be interesting. Put a child's hand in it.

That's what we want to see, goddammit. That's interesting is where there's, like, some, like, linen frost effect or something. You dip your hand in it. Have you not poured liquid nitrogen on your hand before? I've never got to handle it. I've only got to see jackasses fuck around with the boring liquid. We're not talking about pouring a little on. We're going to dunk his hand in it. Have you not poured liquid nitrogen on your hand before? I've never got to handle it. I've only got to see Jackasses fuck around with the boring thing. We're not talking about pouring a little on. We're going to dunk his hand in there and keep it there.

You're right about that. That will ruin it. But if you just pour it on your hand, you can feel that it's cold. But yeah, I think the science is, I'm not a scientist, that it doesn't stay on your hand. It boils immediately and creates a little air layer beneath. It does. And it just slides right off. I've done boils immediately and creates a little air layer beneath. It does. And it just slides right off.

I've done it. Yeah, I've touched it before. My ag teacher had a big thing of bull semen. It's a really big vat of liquid nitrogen that keeps it all cold. If you've seen Jurassic Park, when they're getting the samples out of that thing, it looks like that. And he would like,

to fuck with me because I had my head down and sleeping right in front of him because I didn't need that fucking glass. He fucking like dashed a little on the table and made it run up to my arms and just like scared the shit out of me. There's a feeling to it that it's not pain but it's just not comfortable.

It's a little bit of a like freezer burn kind of shocking. You don't want to do it. I do want to do it, actually. When I was at high school, we got to hail Mercury, too. Mercury was cool. When you were at high school, it was part of an everyday health regimen.

I ordered some gallium. I ordered some gallium off of Amazon. It's really interesting because of the way it corrodes and degrades aluminum. You may have seen a gif on Reddit of an aluminum baseball bat, and the guy takes it and crumbles it in his hand because it's been dunked in gallium.

It completely degrades aluminum in a way that you'd just be shocked by, just by contact. You take this piece of gallium and sit it on the aluminum, and it's going to destroy it. And it's a liquid at room temperature, I think, right? If you hold it in your hand, it melts. It's maybe not room temperature. Yeah, I don't know exactly what the melting point is,

but let's call it 78 degrees Fahrenheit, somewhere in there. Because in this little jar, it's always solid. And I've got a jar upstairs. When I shake it, I can hear it moving it around in there. And you look at it, it looks like a chunk of lead. But if you get it in your hand or you heat it up on a hot summer's day it just turns into mercury looking you know liquid metal it's cool stuff so have you have you messed with aluminum with it before i have some plants okay very cryptic but i'm okay yeah is gallium expensive where do you just go to amazon and

talk to your gallium guy if you go on amazon you can uh you'd be surprised the things you can order off amazon if you go into the scientific uh like categories you can get lots of chemical compounds i ordered benzene uh like 100 i ordered a liter of benzene off of there it's it used to be an and gasoline they took it out um but that's how you make real napalm is you know dissol dissolving polystyrene into benzene. It's the part of gasoline that used to help – that used to dissolve the polystyrene, and it's not in there anymore. But I just bought a fucking liter of it. What happens if you get gasoline in styrofoam?

It makes napalm. It'll dissolve a little, but the amount of styrofoam that a gallon of gasoline will absorb is greatly— Not what it used to be. No, not at all. And the finished product is lame, too. They also put an additive in most commercial styrofoams that's a flame retardant, so you've got to order your legit polystyrene. But you add a liter of benzene and like a gallon of gasoline and then it ate. So maybe, maybe it was two and a half gallons, something like that. Cause I didn't like a turkey pot. Um, I poured that liter of benzene in there and it was in a brown glass

jar as big as my hand. And it had a skull and crossbones on it, which I'd never seen in real life before. So like, we're like, I'm like this, I i'm like this all right everybody stand back i'm gonna add the benzene i pour it all in there and i'm dumping this polystyrene in there and it's just eating it i mean like huge double clump handfuls yes and huge double handfuls are going in there and just just like immediately dissolving and like i'm being real careful. I got my respirator on. I go take a few steps away to get another big box of polystyrene. I look, and Jeremy's just right over it. Just right over that shit.

Don't smell too good, does it? And I just had flashbacks of like this other time when I was working with Jeremy, and we had to pour liquid molten lead. And I've got like 30 pounds of liquid lead and a big cast iron thing. And it's like a three-man job. I'm holding the camera. Somebody else is holding the thing we're working on. And Jeremy's pouring molten lead. And the smoke that was coming up was just liquid lead. And I just remember being like, I'm glad I can hold my breath for a long time because I must have held it a minute and a half back there,

just heart pounding, like eyes hurting. But I was like, I'm not breathing that shit under any circumstances. Jeremy's up there. He's taking like big breaths like, something weird in here. Because it's physically exhausting. He had the carrot and snail heavy.

He's got 30 pounds of liquid metal in his hands and he's trying to trickle it in into a perfect stream so it doesn't splash on us. steel he's got 30 pounds of liquid metal in his hands and he's trying to trickle it in into a perfect stream so it doesn't splash on us and he's just breathing it he'll be dead in five years oh that jeremy guy you gotta go yeah i do have to i do have to leave unfortunately i know usually we do like a four hour thing or whatever but i gotta cut of short four hours We had a little bit of a late start here We you know we got I'll tell you what for the viewers out there We got politics talk and mid-east peace talks out of the way shit for we play

Yeah, we spoke you'll notice no hockey talk a very very little MMA talk no politics and and no mid-east peace talk Look at how amazing up until now Yeah, now now that I'm out of here, and I don't peace talk. No hockey talk up until now. Yeah, now that I'm out of here and I don't watch hockey, I'll talk to you guys later. Yes, because it's hockey time. Tucker, I really liked having you. I think everybody probably already knows where to find you. Always Tucker.

Tell them where to get your shit. You can plug your stuff. Yeah, you guys can find me on YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, Twitch. Search Jericho. You'll find it. As always, guys, it's like my fifth time on here. It's always fun. I probably laughed harder in the first half of this show than I have any other time. This was some funny shit.

So thanks for having me. Well, you're always welcome back, man. You're a lot of fun. I'm sure I will see you guys again in three-some months, you know? That'd be great. Yeah, enjoy your cruise. I will. All right.

Talk to you guys later. Bye, Chuck. See you later. I got to pee so goddamn bad. I'll be I will. All right. Talk to you guys later. Bye, Chuck. See you later. I got to pee so goddamn bad. I'll be right back. All right. Oh, this was a tactical pee so he doesn't have to listen to hockey talk. I see right through your ruse.

I see right through his ruse. I'm going to see if – I hope the Flyers are – we we were the we were the hottest team in the nhl not a hot team not like doing we were literally hottest team in the nhl over the last whatever 10 games no one was as good now we we might be the coldest team in the NHL. They've won 10 in a row, and now they've lost 5 in a row. So very quickly negating that great win streak. By the way, Columbus, the fucking Columbus Blue Jackets are on a 16-game win streak. I think if they get three more, that's the most of all time in the NHL for Columbus. For people who don't know, though, there used to be ties.

Yes. The win streak records are a little easier to break than you might guess. That's fair. Yeah, that's true. But it's still very good. And Columbus, like, they were literally, were they the worst team in the league last year? They didn't come in last, but they were bottom three. Yeah. Let's see what they were.

So, right now, they have, last year, they were last place yeah let's see what they were in fifth so right now they have uh last year they were last place in the metropolitan that's right they were last like at this point last year that's what last year yeah they had they had 34 wins all of last year not even halfway through the season they have 27 wins yeah so i think the article was comparing like i'll call it midpoint columbus to midpoint columbus last year and they went from worst to first yeah worst to first so i'm really happy for columbus it's like a fan base that you can't hate because they've never done anything to you like because they've never had any even the blues have upset teams like the hawks and detroit enough to be rivals like where throughout the years the Blues would win one

and then, of course, go on to lose to someone else. But, you know, that's just the way it was. But Columbus is like – I think everybody but – I mean, actually, I think everybody should be happy for Columbus unless you're Pittsburgh, who's right behind them, and the Rangers who are – god damn, Columbus is killing that division right now. 58 points. The toughest division in hockey

it's the it's the toughest one this year definitely the islanders and new jersey and i guess carolina are the only easy win teams quote unquote but um yeah they're how dare you they're still not terrible yeah how dare you oh today this this has to do with carolina you like carol that's your second team i assume uh the so ty ratty this guy that has been on the blues for a long time never ever developed into anything we finally put him on waivers which basically is a team saying uh we don't want you anymore if another team wants to pick you up and sign you they can if not have a find a career somewhere else and he got got picked up by Carolina a couple hours after we put him on waivers, and we play Carolina tomorrow. And because I'm a Blues fan, I fully expect Ty Ratty to get a multi-goal game against the Blues.

His first multi-goal game in history. You know, it's going to be so annoying when that dude who has produced nothing shows up and does great against the blues but we'll see he's gonna have a lot to prove but i can see kyle's back and uh your black feet oh the black feet lost handily to the conductors in the outdoor game i know you were disappointed by that i think they're oh 0-3 in the Winter Classic. They are 0-3 in the Winter Classic. So that's great. Yeah. Yeah.

That's about all of that though. Oh, so North Carolina politics talk. I know everyone cares about that who's in this room. And it turns out that the moves that the Republicans made to strip the incoming Democratic governor of power might be illegal and it might get undone.

I'm not an attorney, but... We'll have to ask a Republican judge. He'll tell us. Well, what the deal is... The one guy who understands it. So the state, like Senate and Congress or whatever, House of Rep at the state level, passed these laws that stripped the governor of some powers and apparently like there's some precedent that you can't do that

like you know even though they were you know signed through and stuff one branch of government can't just take away the other branch of government like that's something that they can't do i don't know so we'll see yeah it doesn't seem like that should be allowed. Right? Imagine if the Supreme Court was like, you know what? Fuck presidents. We all agree. All eight of us. I talk to a lot of smart people, a lot of good people. They say all the best thing comes in twos. That's judicial,

that's executive, entire legislative. No more of that branch. We're going all judicial, all executive. I'm choosing all the judges. Yeah, you need all three of those. That's silly. What an asshole if he actually was just setting booby traps for the guy after him. It's not even booby traps, just over, screw you. Yeah, just like, oh, here's a thing they made.

They said, you know what? All right, so right now, like the governor, when the governor was Republican, he was in charge of all the election stuff, right? So like he made the boards, they gerrymandered the districts etc and they're like all right all right you know we're we can't make the governor in charge of this anymore we're gonna make it so the governor's not in charge and the democrats will get the odd number years and the republicans will get the even number years right the years where elections happen are all even numbered years so they just like fuck the democrats and. You can have the years where nothing happens.

Yeah, they really did a number on it. It's not an elected government anymore. They just gerrymander it so that regardless of how people vote, well, nearly regardless, anyway, we should have a new topic. But North Carolina government is so bad. I could talk about it all day yeah you guys are in a mess over there it did uh I mean Mississippi and Alabama are like thank god for North Carolina they make us look like I mean sure we lynched that boy last week but we're

not North Carolina all right we're not North. I'm happy we get some national attention now for how fucked up this is. Like, I feel like it used to be. The best kind. Everyone should be looking and saying, what the fuck? Like, how did this happen? Because that's what happens. If one party gets all the control, they overreach. Yeah.

Like Obama did with expanding the, you know, his executive privileges. We'll see what... He did fewer executive orders than the last five presidents. Yes, but farther reaching executive orders, I think, is the complaint by many. Not necessarily the number of them, but how far they reached. Okay. It could be. I don't have the stats to argue with. I don't have the stats to support it, but it's just what is said. I think that the general consensus from the right is that Obama overstepped several times. What's his name? Ryan?

Paul Ryan. Is it Paul Ryan? Paul Ryan's got that whole thing, presidents don't write laws. He's got that whole little soundbite thing. So I think Obama may have messed up by perhaps expanding some of the powers in the executive branch this time around. And now look who gets to take up the mantle of those powers, right? You know, your worst nightmare if you're Obama. That's what's risky about amping up any type of centralized government power is that, you know, maybe the guy now does great.

You know, he's a benevolent, you know maybe the the guy now does great you know he's a benevolent you know whatever but it's gonna come back and then some shitty dude is gonna get all the power and not use it well so that's why he just always even if it's a great guy just at some point whoever your version of satan is will take power right yeah some people are gonna say that she almost did say that's hillary yeah they you know but dude that somebody like hillary will have power someday and uh and you have to make sure that the office and the whole structure is good enough that it can survive whoever you think is terrible unless trump becomes an emperor god emperor no he's he's way too old to be an emperor is he yeah i feel like if you're

gonna establish yourself as an emperor, you should be young enough to know that you can be emperor for a while. Whereas if you establish yourself as emperor at age 74, when he's trying to get elected the second time, Well, Empress Ivanka will take up his mantle. I was going to say that. Yeah, Empress Ivanka will be ready to go. She rolls off the tongue.

She's smart and capable. All hail Empress Ivanka, first of her name first she'd be the second i i am still somewhat baffled by the fact that trump is really actually going to be our president the fact that he's on the same list of manhattan and washington lincoln jefferson like those people he's in trump like he. He's on that list now. They might put him on money. They might put him on money, right? It's not crazy to think that Reagan will be on money.

That guy has been declared a god too by the rich side. We're bringing back the $1,000 bill, people. He'd be so perfect if he was on something like that. And where was I? Oh, and now I'm like, could Trump be a dynasty? It is not insane for me to think that Empress Ivanka could have, like, who's to say she won't be senator of New York in a couple of years? She's fucking hot. I like Ivanka. I noticed that, like, you can tell a chick's really fucking smoking hot when you see, like, candid photos of her on an airplane or, like, walking down the street and she still looks fucking smoking hot.

Like, you don't see that, like, her neck is a different color than her face because she's wearing a mask of makeup like Monk is just fucking hot what a catch Wow smoking hot very smart a billionaire us you know it's got it all these are a lot of my favorite things he's a few of my favorite things yeah yeah real winner there I don't and that that husband of hers i is a billionaire himself but i feel like she could do a little better what kind of billionaire is he what does he do uh i think he's he's it's also um like uh family wealth but i think he's an investor or maybe real estate investments something like that i just like i was thinking to myself like as much as he's not

my cup of tea thus far you can't deny how much winning trump has done you know he started with that small loan of a million dollars which was really like nine million or something and if you put it in today's terms it's like 17 but that's a long way from a billion right he really did do something pretty impressive business-wise if he's a billionaire yeah you give most people 17 million dollars they're going to be in rehab they're not going to turn it into three million yeah yeah they're not going to turn it into a billion multi-billion dollar empire president now and and now he's a legacy right now his children are famous now like like it's generational dude you're so right i was i was sitting around doing the exact same thing just the other day like i was just like i think i was like i don't even know just in the car driving somewhere and just had

that epiphany again of like oh my god like donald trump's gonna be the president and i just kind of smiled and just like did a self laugh like and i just what a big middle finger i remember because i looked around on the road and i saw all the traffic and everybody else. And I was like, I know there's a lot of people doing the exact same thing right now. Like, I got to go to the store and get food for dinner. And then I'm going to I got to get to bed early. I have a meeting in the morning. Donald Trump's the fucking president. Oh, man.

I got that meeting on Thursday also. And Donald Trump is the fucking president. My God. This is a very short list. In hundreds of years, it's 45 so far. Wow. Wow. This is our reality.

All the other realities got Hillary. Hillary is the one that got Trump. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my God. It's not president-lite, right? It's not like some sort of consolation presidency. He's getting the real thing. He really is the most powerful person in the history of human existence thus far.

Did you see Keith Olbermann? I think it was Keith Olbermann through some tantrum that was funny where he was saying, like, you know, and we we need to be resisting we need to resist and fight back and i will not call him president trump i'll call him mr trump or donald trump and it's like you got him good like oh man like i bet trump actually like if there was like he probably wouldn't like that trump he'd be like yeah well actually you know what that's fair because if you called Obama Mr. Obama and it was like a way to get under his skin, I think Obama has the right to be like,

no, actually, it's President Obama. I was elected and that's my title. Like, even until I die, that's what I'm called. Yeah, people don't know that. After your term ends, you're still like President Trump, President Bush. Hillary's still Secretary Clinton. You know, let him carry it. A little, yeah. you're still like president trump president hillary's still secretary clinton you know i

let him carry it a little little uh yeah yeah it's it's it's so crazy that he won you know we we talk from the inception of the thing that was that was where i would always end up at that's where that's where it always end up at was like but what if he did can you imagine the inauguration can you imagine the rose garden speeches can you imagine the addressing the public when like the president takes over all four major news channels and all the cable news and it's like oh we're going live to the president and the all right yeah here we go cut yeah and they just everybody drops what they're doing to hear what the president has to say donald trump has that power now he's got all the military at his fingertips and this is a guy who says outrageous things who knows what what he's going to do?

Before the show, I was thinking about this. So, like, North Korea, right? That guy says some wacky stuff. Do you know the name of the Philippines leader? Duarte? He's crazy. Yeah, he says some outrageous stuff.

I talked about killing Obama, I think. He called him a son of a bitch. That's the worst I've seen. I could be wrong. I'm not positive about that. But now Trump isn't on their level in terms of like loose cannon-ish. Yeah, Duarte also admitted to killing like five people maybe now, something like that. Three or four or five.

Like he admitted to shooting drug dealers while he was the mayor. Like push someone out of a helicopter or something? Yeah, yeah. He pushed someone out of a helicopter. Like in Scarface? No, no, he didn't hang them. He just threw them out. Like in Vietnam.

But I think as much as I don't like a lot of... There's a little part of me that is intrigued that we have an aspect of that too. Do you think Trump won't like say whatever's on his mind uh like if if duarte says shit about trump trump will say shit right back like i'll nuke your country i'll turn you to glass you'll be lucky if trump only says something he's

like you won't recognize this is the thing that obama i forget it was obama or w but um the north korean leader was you know chirping about us and how he's going to attack us and this and that. And he's like, if you actually did attack us, seriously, you wouldn't recognize your country anymore. You just wouldn't recognize it. And I thought about that. Like, oh, what kind of changes do you have to make to a country? You fucking level it. You Hiroshima that thing.

And that was the threat it was that was his response like you will not recognize your nation anymore and it's rare that we even reply to those things i forget if it was obama or w but i liked it i like that we were like all right all right i hear you talking every day but you know what don't forget the actual scorecard it's like a paraplegic guy threatening joe lozon angrily like i'm gonna beat you up like fuck you i hate you it's like you can i understand but you're nothing's gonna happen i'm sorry like you can hate me all you want take that to the bank but you're not gonna cash it like you're not gonna win that delivery but they do have a nuke right they're yep i i get maybe they do

some low percentage thing they do have a nuke? Yes. Oh, yeah. The Philippines? No, North Korea. North Korea has a hydrogen bomb. Yeah, North Korea set off a hydrogen bomb last year. Yeah, their nuclear program is moving along just fine. They're working on the ICBM right now. They're going to test an ICBM this year, an intercontinental ballistic missile.

Now, these are people who have been struggling with missile launches in the past, these short-range 250-kilometer missiles, 500-kilometer missiles. They can't really—they're not on the cutting edge, but they're figuring it out slowly but surely. And I don't think the threat is ever going to be the continental United States. Like, it just isn't. The real scary thing is that he hits South Korea, where we have tens of thousands of U.S. troops, and he starts kind of a global war right there with China backing them and us backing South Korea. That's the mess that would be created. However, we said publicly this week,

the Pentagon said, don't sweat it. We can protect everyone around Korea from their missiles, which is pretty comforting, I think, to hear from the Pentagon. They were like, ah, don't worry about it. We'll just shoot the missile down if they try that. And I think that we could. I don't think shooting one missile down is even a challenge. I think that the problem is that,

you know, Russia has 9,770 or something ICBMs and probably can't stop 10,000 at once. But I think we could stop one just fine, right? Yeah. Yeah, I bet we could like isn't even china now getting sick of north korea's shit like more and more yeah um well we saw last year that that there was that one uh time where china didn't back them up that's china needs to either keep them in check or uh or give them the boot i don't know it's uh it's such a big scary thing that guy needs to go it's without china they they can't sustain themselves as a country anymore yeah i saw china was uh like cutting their coal imports from uh from south korea from from north korea uh which i think is like how the north koreans make their money is by exporting coal and stuff like that to uh china and whoever

else is allowed to take it at this point. That guy's a bit of a maniac. Duarte, I think, is attention-seeking and just kind of ridiculous. He talked about fentanyl the other day, the drug. Yeah, the heroin synthetic, right? Yeah, I think of fentanyl as an anesthetic. I thought that was what Michael Jackson died of. It's meant to put you under, but he was abusing it for sleeping purposes. He was like, you've never been to paradise, but I have. He said that in relation to

fentanyl. You've never been to paradise, but I have. I take fentanyl. Have you guys had fentanyl? No. Wait, wait. Perhaps. Tell me what fentanyl is and how it would be delivered and under what circumstances I might have gained it. I've had fentanyl several times and in each case it was um prior to surgery they put it in my iv and they're like oh this is just so that you know you're not

nervous anymore and stuff and then all of a sudden i'm telling all the nurses about how much i love my wife and how wonderful things are. And I'm so happy. It's like a synthetic opiate, isn't it? I don't know my drugs that well, but I can tell you. Dude, okay, right now, I really, really, really don't want to get a colonoscopy. Something about the whole procedure is very invasive to me. I dislike it. I don't know.

It's like I'm signing up to get raped. It's not, but that's how I feel about it. Fentanyl is a potent synthetic opioid pain medication with rapid onset and short duration of action. It is a strong agonist at the uOpioid receptor. Fentanyl is 50 to hundred times more potent than morphine. So imagine how you would feel about like an upcoming rape, but there's a little part of you that knows you're going to get some

fentanyl first. And you're like, ah, well, there is a silver lining to this thing. Yeah. Like we'll get that fentanyl. Cause I'm a big fan well that's the thing that

people are dying thinking that it's heroin now on the street is that they're injecting fentanyl and together yeah and that it's because it's so much more powerful people are overdosing on it unintentionally yeah they showed me how the amount intentionally overdosing they showed the amounts of fentanyl versus, I think, maybe heroin that were deadly doses. And, man, I could scoop up a deadly dose of fentanyl with my pinky finger now. Like, I could scoop that much up. And, you know, it's just such a tiny amount.

It's like you can count the grains of it, like 10 grains. It's like if you lick your finger and touch it, you could get a deadly amount. That's it. Yeah, if you lick your finger and fucking stuck it into a cup of fentanyl, that's a deadly dose. Yeah. Whatever. Yeah. You're absolutely right.

That's what it was. Yeah. It's – yeah. But so far tonight, I've suggested battery acid and fentanyl, both of which better than you'd guess. Well, I mean fentanyl is probably exactly as good as you would think given that it's a hundred times stronger than morphine which is why they use it for surgeries i've got a thing that's been heavy on my mind lately my um my mother-in-law we have to be melissa says heroin addicts don't even like fentanyl really yeah apparently it's a different high apparently so i've never been high on fentanyl and i've never

been high on heroin so i have no point of comparison heroin that they consider fentanyl a disappointment because i can tell you fentanyl delivers in my opinion and michael jackson's yeah maybe you're more conscious of with a i don't fucking... I'm not going to guess. I don't know. It just seems to me that fentanyl is going to, like, fucking really debilitate you. Like, you can't do shit on fentanyl. Like, yeah, we're going to do some fentanyl and then go to the beach. Like, no, you're not.

You're going to do some fentanyl and, like, go to sleep. But, like, maybe with heroin, you're... But every time I see someone shoot heroin, which is my only connection to heroin on TV, they seem to be kind of melt into a couch with that too. So I don't know, man. Is that what the woman took that Walter White ignored as she died in bed?

No, they were... That was fentanyl? No, I thought it was heroin. Yeah, it's heroin. Yeah, whatever her name was, the one who died next to Jesse in bed when Walt didn't save her, yeah, that was heroin. Yeah. Whatever her name was, the one who died next to Jesse in bed when Walt didn't save her, yeah, that was heroin. Yeah.

If they've got a spoon and a lighter, they're doing heroin. Okay. Wait, isn't that how you do crack? No. No, crack, you need a crack pipe. So you smoke the crack rocks. Crack rocks is cocaine mixed with baking soda and water, and then you let it dry out in these little rocks, and then you smoke it into a pipe that looks,

it's got a big bubble on the end. It looks super trashy. I've seen them at gas, like I've seen plenty of weed pipes at the gas stations. Like you see weed pipes, and you're like, yeah, it's fucking weed. Who cares? And of course they can say,

yeah, they could smoke tobacco out of that too, because you could. Sure. Who would want to smoke tobacco out of a bowl? but but then i saw a crack pipe at a gas station and i was like what are you even claiming it is what are you even claiming that is oh it's a it's a pencil it's a pin holder it's a really tiny vase yeah they were selling it at the crack they'll like stick a little miniature like flower in it or something like oh it's uh it's holding that rose or whatever. It's so many bullshit ways. And then I've seen places that just have crack

pipes there. If you wanted one, I wonder what you'd say. I think I would be like, I want the blue crack pipe. You know? What else would I say? For some reason, I thought you didn't reuse crack pipes. I guess you do. Yeah, I mean... You get many uses out of a bowl, right? But I guess

that's true. I would imagine it's an infinite number of uses from a crack pipe however if you were a crack head you're probably not that responsible right you're probably dropping these things around and i think all of your ducks are not i've seen them use aluminum foil and roll up a little pipe that looks like you know it's shaped like an old timey pipe and use that and there's freebasing which is when you're like applying heat to the bottom of some aluminum foil or some other similar uh material with the drug on top and it's being roasted and vaporized and then you're like sucking it up with like they usually use a tube or like um toilet paper roll or something like that jesse was freebasing meth in that one episode when like

he goes into the bathroom locks himself in the bathroom, Walt kicks the door in, takes his meth and tries to throw it away and they get in a tussle. He's freebasing in the bathroom. So, you know. That happens in The Night Before, or The Night Of. What's his name? He's freebasing with

Chalky White, or whatever his name is in that show. Chalky White's from Boardwalk Empire. I know, but the actor who plays Chalky White, I don his name is in that show. Chalky White's from Boardwalk Empire. I know, but Chalky, the actor who plays Chalky White, I don't know who his character is. Okay, okay, I follow now. Yeah, both criminals. Chalky White was in Breaking Bad?

No, no, no, in The Night Of, when he's in jail with the... Oh, The Night Of. Yeah, The Young Night. You haven't seen The Night Of yet? Watch the first episode and wasn't into it. He just seems so stupid to me. It's like i would not be fucking in this situation like you've never like i'm not gonna steal my father's taxi that he part way owns with two other guys i watch that's his whole livelihood i'm not gonna take that first of all i'd never fucking take that so like immediately

i'm like dummy you deserve whatever you get and then like the way he's like gets with this girl and like does a random drug with her oh hell no no way in fuck i don't care what you look like or what kind of pussy i'm promised i'll fake taking your magic pill lady but like i'm not taking it for real difference between him and you though is that for him like being with a pretty girl seemed like a once in a lifetime opportunity okay you know so he was more willing to make bad decisions i like pretty girls a lot but but just fake taking that pill bro like you don't need to drop that like what was it acid i thought i have no idea you know big fucking pilly stuck on his tongue and to me that

looked like uh either um you know ecstasy or uh or acid i don't know both would give you a pretty similar fucked up night which neither one sound like it's something I'm into. I want to fuck you sober. I'm going to need all my wits about me for this lady. I don't want to diminish myself in any way. So by the time they got to the apartment and I knew what was coming, that somehow she's going to die, he'll be blamed

for it. I was just... And then on his way into the apartment, he like picks some sort of social justice warrior with these guys who didn't like his skin tone like what are you doing single man like like like bucking up against these two random dudes on the street you're about you're just looking for trouble it's a wonder that you have been like put up on charges before tonight because you're just walking around stumbling kind of being picked on and looking the other way does that know how it went down? They like walk by and drop one comment or something

like that, almost under their breaths, and he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa! What's this all about, gentlemen? Do we have a problem here? That sort of thing, and it's just like, I'm going to just let that one fucking slide. They're just random dudes on the street. You're about to fuck this strange girl you met,

and you're on some pill that you have no idea what you just took you've stolen your father's taxi what if you do get into a tussle and beat them both because suddenly you're a uh a middle eastern superhero yeah yeah what was it like like yeah right oh it was pct i guess i just i ate one of their faces i don't even know why i don't know oh let's talk about that we just completely shift gears here. Remember the guy did bath salts, ate the man's face in Florida? I remember it. Yeah.

They tested his blood afterwards, and he wasn't on anything. Wow. Yeah, his toxicology just showed that he was a crazy guy who was eating a dude's face. Yeah. We all thought that this scary drug called bath salts, which probably eight people on the planet have done, was causing people to eat faces and become zombies. No, there was just a crazy man in Florida who snapped one day and ate a man's face.

My grandma sent me multiple texts around when that happened because I was in college being like, you know, Taylor, I've heard about this new thing on the news called bath salts and someone attacked someone in Florida so be careful and it's just one of those like Fox News things where it's like I've never if I asked all of my friends hey can you hook me up with some bath salts they'd be like no what the fuck are you talking about just you should have sent her

a picture back of you at like Bed Bath and Beyond with like a big armful of bath salts just like yeah I've got like bath bombs like Peter be bubble bath throw other shit in there too i'd be like ah it's not so bad everybody's doing it grandma i like lavender that's good yeah that's that's fucked the guy ate the dude's face and i maybe i'm just

misremembering but i thought there was video of him like on the guy like the dude's face. Maybe I'm just misremembering, but I thought there was video of him on the guy, like going to town on him, but I may just be superimposing that felon fights video that time. I rewatched that the other day, the old felon fight video where the guy bites the guy on the face, and he's like... So the guy said he was going to eat his face, like in the pre- like they give it like the

pre-fighting one guy's like like I don't know he looks like a LARP er and he's like I know karate I'm gonna I'm gonna get this guy the other guys have felonies like I hate his face and I thought eat his face was somehow like figurative language yeah like like by eat his face I mean i'm gonna win this fight yeah no he got into a position of advantage and he's screaming like stop stop get him off me he's and he's like right here on the cheek and he's like biting it hard people and when he finally he's throwing fucking punches too and when it's finally over that guy's standing there he's like and it looks bad dude it's a yeah you can see it so clearly the worst part about it is and and i

forget about this because the biting was so bad it wasn't even a fist fight it was a stick fight they started with sticks. They started with four and a half foot long sticks that were about... Like a quarter staff. Like a quarter staff, yeah. They started with a stick fight. It was funny to see,

because I don't fucking know how to stick fight, but I've seen a lot of movies, and it was funny to see their amateur stick fighting skills. It made me a little more interested in some sort of professional stick fighting, if I'm being honest. There are stick fighting leagues. Kendo is so boring interested in some sort of professional stick fighting if i'm being honest there are stick fighting leagues kendo is so boring maybe you weren't referring to kendo kendo is lame to me um although it looks on the outside looking in like the coolest fucking sport ever um but it's there was a guy in the ultimate fighter who participated

in like the stick fight version of fight club where people would just like bring in their quarter stabs and fucking fight each other. I think they had a face mask and not much else. He's like, but the thing about stick fights is it always breaks down into a ground game. People stick fight, close the distance and start wrestling. I guess it's harder.

There's no jabber. I don't know. He really started working his jits and his BJJ is how he won the stick fights, really. Ah, that makes sense. Because they got his life together. Yeah. I guess I wouldn't want to be in a stick fighting league either,

especially not one that required BJJ to make it out. Yeah, it's crazy. It's never the way it is in a movie when you see people fight with swords or knives or sticks or anything in real life like the the stick fight thing like there's no like swing up and the guy blocks it and then you come back for another swing and he you know parries down low it's just two people frantically swinging hoping to get like a to clip you and then one person drops it and tackles the other one.

And then it's a biting fight. Yeah, apparently. Fighting is interesting. So prior to MMA and UFC, people didn't know which fighting style was the most effective. And it's evolved. But when I was a kid, like say the 80ies or something like that, early nineties and UFC wasn't a thing yet. Then everyone thought the toughest people in the world were these like Asian karate acrobats, you know, Kung Fu guys who could do flips in the air and punch and

land on shoulders. And it was like, that was the ultimate in fighting. And if you saw a guy do like a double flip in the air, like, Holy shit, shit you know who could fight against that it turns out the toughest guys in the world were these like grapplers from brazil and these little known tournaments and that's what wrestlers yeah and like wrestlers from the american midwest you know it wasn't long between before like like the ken shamrocks and the dan severins and stuff were doing were doing great um mark kerr from Pride Days. And now it seems like the toughest guys in the world, at least under UFC rules with the stand-up and breaking it up

is boxers who can keep a distance. Like a Conor McGregor. He's a two-weight class champion right now, right? Anderson Silver. He was a Jits black belt. I hear you. Because that guy knows how to close distance, anderson silver he was a jits black belt see him fight khabib i hear you i hear you i because that guy knows how to close distance and then once he gets you on the ground he'll

really humiliate you uh even if you are a world world class athlete khabib's a little scary agreed in every respect i come the only thing i'll say is that's what i thought about mendez you know mendez was this american wrestler who could take you down from six feet away, and Conor knocked him out. Who was it that Conor knocked out in the first round, like first punch? What's his name? I think you're thinking of Jose Aldo. Yes.

I think Jose will be a real challenge for him. I want to see that rematch. That's the fight I want to see because I think he wins. I agree. Oh, to see that rematch. That's the fight I want to see because I think he wins. I agree. Oh, I think Conor wins, but I will agree that something about a 13-second knockout didn't really show the range of skills that both people have. No, I think he caught him with a lucky one. I really do.

I think that it could have gone very different. I don't know. That's why they fight them, right? None of us thought what happened with the Ronda Rousey fight would happen exactly like that. A 48-second TKO was not what we had predicted or what anyone really had predicted. But now I think we've got a better grasp on what the Bantamweight division is. I think it's more clear now, to me at least. Maybe I'm just being

fooled by uh an oversimplified opinion of the thing but it seems like ronda's maybe the eighth best person in that fucking uh uh weight division um those uh the those polish chicks i've mentioned them before they're fucking scary uh i don't know if i'd like to yeah are they at 115 okay yeah okay i thought for some 115 is a is a cool little weight class. I saw a 115 fight last night that was just embarrassing. The crowd was booing and Big John had to separate them like four times. They don't have enough power to really. Sometimes it's good.

Sometimes it's not. It's hit or miss. 135 is interesting. I said it. Yeah, 135 is better. I forget if it was one or two PKA's ago, but I was like, there's this Dill-Lynn fight that I didn't know. I didn't put together it was Linkler versus Dillashaw. Like when I saw it, they had shortened it,

and it looked like I didn't know who TJ Dillashaw was. He's an interesting guy. I thought he was the second best fighter in the division behind Cruz. Now, for some reason, I think he's the second best fighter in the division behind Cody. I don't know. I want to see it go down. There's so many talented fighters now.

It's getting bigger and bigger. They're making more money. Five years ago, they were making tens of thousands of dollars, and now they're getting points on pay-per-view. Nunez got 100k, 100k, and she won, so she got all 200k. Plus, she's definitely going to get some points on the pay-per-view

buys. Ronda got 3 million just to fucking show up, the uh on the pay-per-view buys ronda got three million just to fucking show up plus points on the pay-per-view buy she probably got five maybe six million on that fight yes okay if you know yeah and also um as a champion the rebok bonus is pretty good too it might be 80 grand for the champ and 40 grand for the challenger 2,500 for for the little guys that's that's not enough yeah for the little guys 40 grand for the challenger 2500 for for the little guys that's that's not enough yeah for the little guys i'll admit the reebok thing is really small but 80 double it for the champ so that's that's about 300 grand in money right there plus the pay-per-view points and i think nunez will make somewhere under a million dollars you know 800 grand 900 grand for her pay-per-view points and i think chael

and the rest i think i'm getting my info from chael um but but i listened to he said a couple mil a couple mil yeah and don't forget like people talk about how broke these you know people are at the top they make a lot of money if she gets a couple mil out of this nunez can fight like three times a year especially if they take 48 seconds a pop. She could fight more than she... I think New England is... So that thing went back and forth. We had four champions in 15 months or something like that. Something like that, yeah. I don't know if that's

going to happen this year. I heard, I think maybe it was Chael who... Chael was saying something like, and it's not over yet. You know, the division still has some going. I wanted to be... I almost wished that I could like, excuse me, expert, professional fighter, commentator i i'm a fool here but who's gonna beat up amanda who like chris cyborg is gonna like get her get get like half of her get a leg cut off and come in there and hop around to hit to hit 135 i don't think so who's gonna beat up amanda nunez because

it seems from the outside looking in she's got it it all. She's an accurate striker, and she is the hardest hitting woman in that division. She has true knockout power at 135. She's got great movement. She's got great boxing skills, and she's a black belt in BJJ. And she didn't get that at some fucking shopping mall. She got a legit BJJ black belt. It's a very respected... Go ahead. I agree with everything you said and there's one more thing that you didn't mention, which is 135 is about to get weakened as 145 gets created. Holly Holmes was a former champ. She's going to 45 and she's fighting someone else. Do I have Leslie Smith in my head? I'm not sure. It's an ugly girl. Yeah, yeah. But anyway, a lot of talent, maybe people who have a hard time making 135, who would be probably the elite 135ers, are going to get pulled into 45.

So if talent gets spread across two divisions, that's to Nunes' favor as well. She might be on top for a while. Did you hear what she said she was going to do with her money? They asked her. She said she was going to help all the people that helped her when she had nothing. She's like, there's a lot of people I'm going to go back home and help.

And I love hearing that. Because I bet if you'd ask Rhonda, she'd be like, I'm going to buy a new mansion. You know what I mean? Rhonda doesn't need that money, but Amanda's like, oh, this is very good. Yes, I'll go back home and help those who helped me when i had nothing and i'm just like oh what a great fucking humble and she says everything with a smile she smiles at least she's big she's getting better at media um and i hope that she like improves her english a

little more and i'll actually enjoy watching her because it's clear that she's a good person they asked her if she felt bad and she couldn't say no she tried to say no a bad about what she'd done to ronda she tried to say no and be like yeah this is mma but then she's like yeah but a little a little i feel bad yeah but i feel bad because her coach lied to her because her coach made her think these things he got in her head and made her think she's a boxer and then i like that because now you see that like oh this isn't a dumb chick she's smart she's playing a little game here she's like somebody got in ronda's head i think it was her coach told her she was a boxer a boxer and it was like i really like she's winning that come out of her yeah i took a couple shots at her and said her English was bad in this and that, but I've seen her speak more lately.

You're right. It's not good. Every day it's better. Every day it's better. I saw her. Rhonda's English is going to start to struggle if she keeps getting ass-fucked the way she has. Yeah, man.

One more fight with Nunez, and she made it using sign language. She's going to be old. I wish I had not fought for the third time. Kyle, I've got a question for you. Speak and spell Rousey. So Ferguson, right? The top guy at 155 right now is Conor, right?

And then comes Khabib Naguminov. He's ranked like eight, I think. Isn't hev and Ferguson. I thought he was ranked higher. I could be wrong. I think MMA fans, and especially his fans, are like, Khabib's the best there is. He's just not getting his due. They're hiding

Conor from Khabib. They don't want to give Khabib his due. They don't want this Russian Muslim. They're ranked two and three. Oh, wow. The two guys immediately below Conor are Ferguson and Khabib. Now, the thing is this.

Ferguson just signed a new contract and then he fought RDA who's a monster. He's former champion Rafael Dos Anos. And now, they want Ferguson and Khabib to fight to see who fights Connor next yeah ferguson by the way one fight into his contract right so this would be a second fight

on his new contract wants to renegotiate he wants to make as much as khabib even though he's not as big a name and uh dana white laid it out there he's like no you're not making that much this is ridiculous and two you got a new contract like i get it maybe like if you're not making that much. This is ridiculous. And two, you've got a new contract. Like, I get it. Maybe, like, if you're on the fourth fight of a contract or something, and you're, like, twice the fighter you were before, you think it's time to renegotiate. This is a brand-new contract.

You've had one fight on it. You just signed it. You know, like. Yeah, I've been following that. And then I saw that Khabib offered to pick up. It's, like, $200,000 extra he wants. Like, the guy wants, like like $300,000 to fight. By the way, that's, I think $300,000 or $375,000 is what fucking Mighty Mouse made for his last fight. And he's the fucking champion, you know?

Like, that's too much money. I don't know why you're paying that guy $300,000 to fight Khabib when what's probably going to happen is Khabib's going to put him down. And that's what I want to happen because I want Khabib to fight Conor. Because I don't want Conor to lose i want connor to be you want they always test they always say undisputed champ but it he's really an undisputed champ if he takes on the worst the scariest guys i'm if i'm connor i'm afraid of khabib i'm also afraid of jose aldo i'm afraid of anybody who might be able to eat a few of my punches and then wrap me up on the ground with much better ground game.

Somebody who might be able to submit me or embarrass me or cut me. That's not his game. I'll say this. Conor's not afraid. And this is my evidence. One, when Chad Mendez was offered to him, who was the American wrestler, the antidote to Conor's

venom, he said yes. Fine. You know, yes. Sure, fine. You know, oh, do you have any time to train for this different kind of fighter? No, no, fucking nothing. He's just a man. He's just a man. One man's the same as another. That's what he said.

One man's the same as another. And he went and he beat Mendes. And then he beat Aldo. This is not a guy dodging fights. And then he wants to take on Rafael Dos Anjos, who he was this champ. And not only was he champ they're like dude this guy might be the best 155 pound champ we've ever seen and they look at his run it's almost John Jonesian on the way to the title and uh and he's a wrestler by the way again like

the antidote to what to what Conor brings to the table and Conor went after RDA now he broke his foot he didn't fight him instead he fought Nick Diaz, and that whole thing happened. But then he goes after Eddie Alvarez, another guy with strong takedowns, right? Eddie Alvarez pinned Pettis against the cage. Did I have this right? Pettis ain't Pettis no more. Oh, yeah, and I might be wrong about that. I might be mixing up my fighters.

But Eddie Alvarez is a strong wrestler in addition to his fighting, and he was like the people's champ, like this underground champ for a long time. They, they considered him the best and Connor was not afraid. Connor went right after Eddie Alvarez, whooped him good. And, uh,

so like for all of Connor's faults, he's not afraid. Uh, he's definitely not afraid. He's not protected. Uh, probably not. No.

Um, I want to see him fight could be, and I don't think you're supposed to pronounce the K, but he has a K in the front of his fucking name. Khabib. Khabib. That's probably what it is. It's probably Khabib.

A little more of a guh in that. Khabib. But I know that Dana and whoever is profiting from the UFC would not want that guy as your champ. You got Connor who commands like the nation of ireland and like they love him to death and they come out and they fucking like fly to the united states and like go and buy tickets to watch this guy fight they're singing his song and he comes out like they know it by heart you know but then you got so khabib is like

he's speaking arabic and talking about allah in the middle of the ring. It's like, that is not the guy we want out here. Hey, to each his own, but that might not be good for the pay-per-view buys. But Russia is a lot bigger than Ireland. Russia has a fan base that cares. Like those Polish chicks, they're not even famous in Poland. No one in Poland cares about MMA. But in Russia, they do. They've grown up on Fedor.

Russia is a huge market that the UFC could tap into. They might all be broke, but there's a lot of people. Brazil seems to work for them. Is he Russian, though? What's his actual ethnicity? Because those fucking Soviet countries span half that fucking continent, and some of them are considered much lesser than the others, ethnically speaking. But the fact, I don't know what Khabib is,

but I saw that hat he was wearing, and that smacked of Siberia to me, that sort of like elk herding hat that he was wearing, whatever that ship was. Yeah, like reindeer, caribou, something like that. Like, that's what it is. I'm checking. It appears that he's actually Russian.

And where he was born, it says, I can't pronounce this, Mahachalala, Russia. Ah, Mahachala. Yeah, that's it. Mahachalala. It's in the Caspian Sea. I do see, though, that here, I'll give you a link. It's not in, like, it's not Moscow, dude. It's right above Azurba down in Georgia and off the Caspian Sea.

But anyway, I can't say it and it's a thing I should say. Azerbaijan? Azerbaijan? Proliferation! Proliferation! I feel like Taylor might be picking on me. Azerbaijan, yeah.

Anyway. Azerbaijan. They're saying that Conor's going to khabib in russia as a way to build the russian fan base but i thought this might be a negotiating tactic because connor's next fight is with the ufc over money but he wants the ufc to come out there and give him equity in the company and uh and connor you know so they might be like, oh, yeah? Well, here's what I had in mind. How about you fight Khabib in his hometown?

And they start from there. I don't know. I find the whole backroom stuff nearly as interesting as the octagon stuff. Yeah. Dana is such a master of spin. Dana can make anything sound right. You'll hear the fighters be like, oh, Dana did this and did that and did this and did that and then they'll be Like actually what happened was he was offered this he said no he was offered that he said no So when it came time to fight for the belt, I wasn't looking his way

I was looking to Jimmy over there because Jimmy said yes Yes Yes And Jimmy fought with a broken thumb and Jimmy fought when it on three days' notice, and this guy's a fucking drama queen. You always get to the bottom of that. It's a two-way street here. Sure, Dana is, in the end, the greatest sports promoter ever, maybe second to Don King, but it's debatable.

It's debatable because Dana ain't done yet, and Don King is. We'll see how big the UFC gets, but he's arguably the greatest sports promoter of all time. He sells those fights. He puts great fights together. I'm not going to doubt him at any turn in the past. That guy knows what he's doing. Oh, yeah, sure. But sometimes you don't know when he is because he tells the truth too.

He mixes it in. You don't always know. And what were you just saying? Oh, like a good example of what you were just saying was verdum right so verdum was set to fight kane right kane apparently has a hard time with his back he wanted to fight but doctors said he shouldn't fight there's a whole sub thing there because verdum's in this like trying to start a fighter's union and uh they think that dana white just like let that fight fall apart because he's not a fan of kane anyway that's rumor so now verdum needs a new guy and jds junito santos wants to fight him and verdum says fine i'll take it uh how does half a million

sound you know he wants a raise out of it so dana's spin on that was verdum turned it down and that's what he tells everyone you know oh yeah he turned down this fight and there's an element of truth to it right like i'll exaggerate you know if i were in the ufc i'd be earning whatever the minimum is eight grand i think 10 grand and if they're like oh woody can you swap out your opponent and i said yes for 10 million did i turn down that fight? Right? You avoided that fight. You know, it's, I don't know. I like the back, the back end side of it a little bit too, but in the end, man, I like good matchups. I like matchups that, that are stylistic. I like seeing a guy,

I'm bad with the names, but I watched a Mexican fighter fight the other night. They were comparing him to Pettis and he was throwing all kinds of crazy kicks right out of the gate. Like, maybe his, maybe threw, like, six different kicks, like, in the first 30 seconds of the match. Just flying. He threw, like, a leg kick with his back foot, and then immediately threw, like, his lead foot kick to the head.

Like, he was in the air doing this. It was outrageously fun to watch. I like stuff like that. I like seeing the TJ Dillashaws. Yeah, I like the guys who are flashy, and I like seeing them fight someone who's more grounded and traditional. I like seeing that parody play out in the octagon.

I like seeing a guy who's out there clearly dancing. What was the fight the other night? The co-main event. That was the fight of the night. Are you thinking of Cruz versus Garbrandt? Was it? Yes. Yes.

Was Garbrandt the one dancing around the whole time? He is the man. Now that guy I like watching fight. I don't care if he wins, loses, or draws. I will pay to watch him fight anytime it's possible in the future. Because he's out there fucking like pointing at your feet. Fucking dancing. Fucking like, oh, that one was close. that one was close that one was close but watch this boom boom boom and just fucking he has a tattoo of a gun on his back and at one point he took it out and shot him

with the fake gun the whole time he's showing him takes out his gun and shoots him yeah he's there's one point where it's like uh i saw the g on Reddit, and it was like low, middle, top, miss, miss, miss. And he dodges like three punches in a row, like Anderson Silva-like. It was great. I loved that fight. That fight had me so pumped for the main event that it was a bit of a – it was a letdown, the Ronda Rousey fight was. I remember I was sitting there watching that thing with my girlfriend,

and I was just like, oh, no, oh no oh whoa whoa whoa whoa and and my girlfriend's like oh she's done she's done i'm like oh yeah yeah she oh oh and then that's it that's how long the fight took it was just it was shock seeing her just get annihilated like that i thought cruz was gonna win he was favored in my defense and as i'm watching the fight unfold i'm like cruz is losing and i know he's not gonna so how can he turn this around you know it's like third round he's lost three rounds and i'm like ah they weren't close now i do know that he's gonna win i just don't see how you know that he's in the fifth round and and why did you think he was going to win? Like, was he favored or is he, like, respected as the man?

And he hasn't lost in, like – he got hurt, so these years are kind of exaggerated. But he hasn't lost since, like, 2007 or something like that. There was a lot of trash talk leading into this, right? Like, these guys – Yeah, he's real smart. He just beat everyone else. And I don't know. It didn't see – his style.

Like, he compared himself to Mayweather. He's very defensive. He's very hard to hit. And he's like, look, you know, not everyone liked the way Mayweather fought, but he's 50 and 0. You know, that's me. If this guy thinks he's going to beat me by knocking my head off, he's already lost. Because my style is very hard to hit. He wanted to go up and fight Conor at 145.

He's like, yeah, they talk about this left hand, but you can't hit me. I'm very hard to hit. My style is designed because I don't take punishment for fighting bigger guys. That tattooed guy, what's his name? Help me again. Cody Garbrandt. The Garbrandt. That guy is one of my new favorite fighters.

And he's very recognizable, too, which is definitely marketable. You don't want to be another white guy in the mix with a shaved head or something. He's covered up in those tattoos. And at first, I didn't like that because I don't like that really it's it's not aesthetically pleasing but man i fell in love with his fighting style and the entered i hope that that's him every time i hope that i know that he hated that guy he was fighting and they had a lot uh leading up to that and he went in there intentionally sort of embarrassing that guy and like showing him up but man i'd watch him do that to anybody that was very entertaining he was crazy it was something and then in the fifth

i still thought cruz was supposed to win not that i was convinced anymore he was gonna but i'm just like he's cruz doesn't knock anyone out cruz has had one finish in like 20 fights or something like that so he doesn't knock people out and uh i'm just like shit well i guess he'll get his second knockout let's watch this unfold you know it was the opposite of being a blues fan just yeah just happiness and confidence so next we got the joe lozon fight and uh and uh who else is on that card that we were talking about this earlier. BJ Penn was the guy you were looking for. BJ Penn, yeah. So that's a good card. When is that?

Next week? It's the 4th now. Is it the 13th maybe? It could be the 13th. 14th makes sense. Or maybe 15th would be a Friday because today's Wednesday. Probably the 14th and 15th. Yeah, I had the 14th in my head i'm trying to to get this sorted out 15th it's january 15th yeah i'll definitely watch that that's a uh

where it is um okay where does um fight, which typically means Fox, right? Is that what your question was? Or did you want to know? Yeah, where I could watch it, I guess, was the thing. If it's a pay-per-view event, or if I could watch it on Fight Pass slash FS1, or some combination of the two. I think it's FS1. I think the prelims and the main event are on the same channel. It's in phoenix so i saw uh fs1 got some new uh like uh what do you call them commentators casters

something like that but but he's only on some short contract who do you think they're going to replace goldberg with it came out um i think that you're maybe thinking of what i just described was that they hired a guy who he's worked for WWE in the past he's done a lot of MMA stuff I think right now he works for ESPN he works for SportsCenter maybe doing their MMA talk but he got a job with FS1

a short contract I think maybe four events to be sitting at a desk so he's not Goldberg's replacement okay yeah I think that's definitely the guy I was thinking of. I forgot his name and the thing I read kind of pitched him as the permanent replacement, but I'm not sure about that or anything. Yeah. I think everything I said is a hundred percent like, like he's on, he's, he's, he got his contract is with

FS1 and it is to be at a desk. He's not replacing anyone. He's just being added on to their team over there, not the UFC team, not the pay-per-view team. So not going to be sitting next to Rogan. My vote's Chael Sonnen, right? That's who I'd want. I want Chael and Joe sitting there side by side.

Who else? Connor? Wouldn't you love Connor? That's what they should do at first. I think Chael's better. there side by side. Who else? Connor? Like when you love Connor? That's what they should do at first. I think Chael's better. Guest announcers. They should stick a different guy in there every week for a little while until they really nail it down and figure it out and maybe get some guest guys like Connor in there.

That'd be cool. I hadn't even thought of Chael Sonnen. I can't think of anyone I'd rather have. Like suddenly, I like Goldberg. I like Goldberg a lot. I do. It seems like I'm in the minority. I think, based on Reddit, you seem to be in the majority.

But I always thought Goldberg did a great job. I liked him a lot. And, you know, when he's like, you know, what does he say when it's over and it's over? Or that's it? It's all over. Is that it? It's all over? Well, I don't know.

He says that when a fight's great. He's a little cringy for me. I feel like he definitely knows more than me about this stuff, right? But he doesn't know as much as Joe, and sometimes it's painfully obvious, I feel. He'll say something, and Joe will just ignore him. Because I feel like Joe has two responses. He can be honest and be like, actually, no, he trained at this place and that place, and that's not a juke karate

move. That's actually some dirty boxing. I feel like Joe is thinking that in his head all the time, wanting to correct this guy who constantly seems to step in shit and say something wrong or say it the wrong way or get his facts wrong. Or sometimes it'll be a body kick and he'll call it a head kick.

It's a head kick. Joe's having to go back and like fix what goldberg would say wrong sometimes like joe leaves him hanging in that too i mean everyone's gonna make mistakes here and there i i forget where it was they were doing like it wasn't during a fight it was like they were standing in front of the octagon pitching something and he made like i think he threw a compliment like a self-deprecating to him and a compliment to joe and joe just looked at him and let it hang there and it was like you could have made a joke you could have like you could have done a lot of things other than i get the feeling that goldberg like is like that all the time and maybe that's all right look they don't fire

goldberg if everybody loves him right like because it's not like his salary was huge. And it's not like there was a big outcry to get rid of him. It's one of two things. It's either they have someone else designed for that slot. They're like, maybe it's Ronda, right? That'd be cool. Sick Ronda in there. Not to me.

No? Yeah, me either. I guess not. No, I would... My number one is Chael. That's who I want. My number two would be maybe it needs to be a fighter I feel like cuz you got Joe there who's kind of right on the middle

he's not he's not a fighter but he's got tons of fighting spirits guys got a couple black belts he's legit he knows his shit from top to bottom he's the one who's gonna be like oh that's a Brazilian necktie or whatever you know but I'm obscure always spotting like the Guga plot a setup or something, you know, with some obscure. He's always spotting, like, the Guga Plata setup or something. Yeah, exactly. All those obscure, like, rarely seen moves and stuff. He knows them. He knows them by heart, and he can see their openings. When a guy's halfway got it, Joe's the guy who can be like,

he needs to reach across and grab, like, the waistband of his shorts. You know, he can't do that, but, you know. It's fascinating to hear that from him. So I think the other guy, Chael is great because Chael has that, but Chael has this edge to him where he's kind of a jerk. They would work well together, I think. They're almost too similar in some ways. I like that Joe calls out the UFC, Dana White, the media, the fighters,

the reps, anybody on any bullshit he sees. If he sees a late stoppage, I watch a lot of FS1. They just play those pay-per-view events one after another, so I've just been watching them. Do you mean FS or FS1? I don't have FS1. Is it okay? Yeah, FS1 shows montages. Not montages. Marathons.

They'll do a marathon every single day of every pay-per-view event. I'm bad at the name sometimes but i watched like i watched um kane velasquez he was the he was the headliner for the last one i watched like before i started the show tonight so mexico city did you lose the attire yes it was in mexico city and it was that was also where i saw that really flashy mexican fighter who was uh who's throwing lots of kicks and flying knees and stuff i like that fighting style i don't know that guy you're thinking of man i wish i could think of him they were calling they were they were saying that he was a new anthony pettis he was so flashy uh really fun to watch that's what i like i like i like guys i don't like the big fighters i don't like the

heavyweights um i don't know i don't know about you like but but i like the guys, maybe, I like 155, 145, somewhere in there. That seems like normal human being stuff. Those big guys, I don't know, it seems more skillful and more impressive. And I love the guys who punch from crazy angles and throw weird strikes and weird stuff I've never seen before. So it looks like Mortal Kombat. Ah, man, I want to go watch some UFC when we get down here. We're probably done, right? Yeah, I could talk UFC until tomorrow. Yeah, I could too. Actually, man. I'm going to go watch some UFC when we get down here. We're probably done, right? Yeah, I could talk UFC until tomorrow. Actually, I did. It's 12.05.

There we go. Until tomorrow at this point would be a very tall order. Man. Back on the thing, I would love to have Chael. According to Dana, the reason they got rid of Goldberg is he's had his eyes on this one guy who would be amazingly good, and he's always wanted him.

And that also kind of ties into why it's not Chael now, because Chael's got to fight. You know? Yeah. So it might be why they're waiting. I'm not sure, but that would be really neat. There are a lot of people who are going to say that they're both color guys, and neither's play by play um but i'd give it a go you know i would too maybe i'm just a jail fan boy i the only thing that goldberg brought to it to me was and the tail of the tape and then you're playing the music you know and he would he would give you the rundowns of each

fighter bring him back in to do that you know i, I'm okay with that. I like that part. But man, if I had my druthers, I would be like, Goldberg, be quiet. You don't say a fucking word this whole broadcast. Let Joe say everything because he knows twice as much as you about every aspect of what's on my screen right now.

If I had my druthers. Yeah, there's nothing that Goldberg knows that Joe doesn't know better. There just isn't. There's nothing that Goldberg can say that Joe can't say better. Joe knows less about corn nuts. I don't know much about corn nuts myself. That'll be just fine. Harley Davidson. These are the areas that Goldberg shined.

I don't know. Maybe I just grew fond of the guy because I've heard him so much. Yeah, I saw his son on Twitter. He was like, ah, the UFC,, 15 years and they couldn't even give my father a proper send-off. I feel a little bad about that. They should have treated him a little better. If you notice Goldberg's sign-off, he

uses his last seconds of airtime to thank his crew. To thank the cameramen, the crew, the people who work for him. Very classy guy. I like all that. I just didn't like him in that job. I didn't care for that. Alright, well that's PKA 316. Taylor, thanks for

suffering through all this UFC talk. He's alright. I put Kyle through hockey and so I'm happy to sit and listen to UFC. I'm learning. Check out all of our sponsors down below. Naturebox, Tracker, Texture are brand new and Blue Apron of course. Check tucker aka jericho's stuff out there um um be it become a patreon and you would get this show on wednesday night which is or 1 a.m thursday right now what it's actually

going to be right now and uh that's all i got that'll do pka 316