Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #317

Episode Date: January 19, 2017

This week on PKA, fan of the show, magician and actor, Blaise Serra joins the guys to put on one hell of a magic show, but also Trump's #GoldenShowers and the guys look for their own mail order brides.

You totally jumped the gun on that. Kyle just screamed live, and I don't think you guys heard it. Anyway, PKA episode 317. We have Blaze coming in about two hours into the show. He's an actor, magician, Patreon dude. We met him in the Hangout and thought he was cool. He's actually already here. He's just invisible.

So he will make himself known two hours into the show. But the important thing is that he's a Patreon, and now he's on the show, right? Absolutely. Yeah. Let me run through a couple things real quick because I'm glad you brought that up. Of course, we have several sponsors tonight. Dollar Shave Club, CISO, Squarespace, which I love, and Jack Threads. I actually got some Jack Threads threads on the way right now.

I saw some sporty winter wear that I'm going to pick up for a little trip I'm about to go on. But yeah, the Patreon thing, let me tell you two major bonuses you get from Patreon, which is like $5 a month if you want the show early, and $10 if you want PKN early

with the video. But for $50, which is what Blaze pays per month, he hopped right into this hangout with us, and we were blown away by this guy. We were like, well shit, he's flowing as well as we are. He's up to our level. We were blown away.

Yeah, we're way up there. When you see this guy, I want you to look. I think he might have a better hairline than me. You be the judge. It's two hours from now, but you'll see. I don't want to talk him up too much, but Blaze has a cool talent that he showed off to us on our hangout. And I was like, we should get this guy on the show because this entertains me. We won't make him one of those four-hour-long guests

because we don't need to dissect a 17-year-old man's life. Probably doesn't have a lot of stories and such, but he does have a really cool talent and some cool stuff he can show up and tell us about. Do you know anybody else who can suck their own dick? Hillary Clinton. Well, it's so big, I mean, anyone could. She's not even flexible. Yeah, her clit looks like one of those enormous, like, jungle moths.

But I think one of the coolest things about this is, like, two weeks in a row now, the Patreon guys who are paying $5 a month are getting the show on. We're filming right now on Wednesday at 5 p.m. Eastern time. So, like, we're going to be wrapped up and done here by 9 p.m. Eastern time. So we're going to be wrapped up and done here by 9 p.m. Eastern time. And I would imagine that you patrons are getting PKA at 10 p.m., no later than 11 p.m. on Wednesday night. So $5 a month, great deal. Sign up for Patreon. Become part of the team.

And we're always coming up with new things and new trips to add to that to utilize those patrons and give them cool stuff. Check that out. So what do we want to get into? There was a lot of interesting news this week. I think Woody had said he had some topics. I would love to yield the floor to you, sir. You know, I kind of want to. To the gentleman from North Carolina.

Taylor, what were you saying? It's a pretty good one. So we started early tonight, as everybody knows. Yeah. And I was, you know, we were all talking about it and I guess I missed a memo

and was talking to Chiz and was like, are we doing it tonight? And he's like, yeah. I'm like, well, fuck me. All right, can we do it early? And then I texted everybody and just like a charm,

you know, it's so great when that first text works, you know, where you're like, hey, everybody down to do it at 5 Eastern. Everybody's like, fuck yeah. It's like, oh my god, everything's coming up Taylor today. And so I started heading home from work trying to get there early and get back home in time for this.

And I realized today, I can sneak through McDonald's. I haven't eaten more than 2,000 calories in the last probably five days because I've been so sick and felt fucking horrible. And I'm like, I just got to get something to eat. So I pull into McDonald's there's like maybe four cars in front of me I order a number two which is I'm sure Kyle knows it's the two cheeseburgers and a medium fry and I wait there until it is 4 57 and I'm like I got or 3 57 my time and I'm like fuck I can't be the one who's late to this I was the one who got everybody to show up early. I'm going to look like a real fucking asshole if I don't get there on time. And so I just left in the middle of the drive-thru.

Drive-thru, just abandoned your burgers and fry. Two people back. So I had to go over the curb that kept you from going. It was like this in my head. I was sitting there like, you know that moment of truth where you pull into that and you really know you can't hardly get out? Well, that wasn't a moment of truth for me tonight. I just was like, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. God damn it, McDonald's.

You can't get two fucking burgers done. What does this bitch have? What does this fucking bitch has in front of me? God damn it. God damn it. Now I'm going to get a gas station hot dog as I'm rumbling over in my real-wheel-drive bullshit sedan trying to get out of this McDonald's. And it put me in a sour mood right up before the show where I'm like, there's two cheeseburgers

finished a half mile from me with my name on them right now. And I had a shit three-day-old gas station hot dog. So you stopped for a dog thinking it would be quicker to go to another retail place and get the dog than to – Oh, it is. It's like you're in, you grab it, there's your $2, sir, and now I will food poison myself. That's how it goes. I have never, and I mean never, and I am positive about this, eaten a gas station hot dog. What I have eaten are the taquitos.

Are you familiar with these taquitos? It's sort of a Mexican little snack thing. It seems like a corn tortilla rolled up really tightly so it's like a cigar and on the inside is cheese and maybe a little sauce and chicken or something. I used to live on those disgusting things. I'd go to the racetrack gas station, get me three of them for a dollar, get myself a 12-ounce soda, and that was breakfast.

You don't feel good afterward? In the moment, the gas station food isn't as bad as you think. It's like a traumatic experience where in the moment, you're kind of like, this is okay, I'm going to get through it, and then you finally get home from the war, and they're like, oh man, you are kind of fucked up now like you need a counselor

you've been altered you're not the same man that was a mistake I ate the whole thing in I guess the walk from my car to this seat and it oh it's just not good in the northeast there's Wawa and Wawa's legit good I'd be I'd be I would welcome a deli as good as the gas station food in in new jersey it's it's like it's legit and anybody anyone here who's listening to this is from jersey is going to be agreeing like oh yeah those motherfuckers can make a sandwich like it's it's outstanding but here i don't need anything from a gas station that wouldn't pretty much survive a zombie apocalypse we're talking about like cellophane wrapped peanut butter crackers yeah uh you know twinkies slim jims yeah yeah that's the sort of food i get at a gas station and usually an energy

drink because i'm driving yeah i love energy drinks these there's no way that 24 ounces this can be good for you especially because it's a zero calories which means that there's something else in there fucking with you right it's not calories you which means that there's something else in there fucking with you. Right? It's not calories. You know, you're not, there's no such thing as a free lunch. And that goes for all these zero calorie beverages. It's all that guarana and the taurine.

That's what's supercharging you. I don't know what those things are. And the B vitamins. They're two of the main ingredients. Does it have guarana? Does that have guarana and taurine in it? It's got... It's got a lot of shit in it.

It's got some ginseng. Yeah, it's got taurine in it. It's got water and salt. I'm not going to read everything, but it's got a lot of B vitamins. Taurine, water, and salt. You could make your own monster. You could. That's terrible. I like coffee. I don't know why you don't go to coffee because coffee like literally has proven health benefits like it has uh how much caffeine is like what's a milligram of i don't know it off the top of my head but more than is in that energy drink if

you drink two cups like if you take a keurig and put the smallest setting and do it twice it makes like a full cup of coffee and it's quite strong i put like four sweeteners in it because i don't i'm not afraid of cancer and a little bit of cream and that thing's got a shit load of caffeine like more than a red bull i would say you got to drink a lot of red bull to equal a two cups of coffee i think i think similar coffee's got i was asking and i'm thinking i'm talking about like an eight ounce you know like like single serving normal human being red bull not the 24 ounce big boy that like clearly is enough to kill a small child yeah it's too much it looks like a fuel cell from a futuristic movie but regardless of the caffeine content like coffee has like health benefits like believe it or not it's it's one of those things that i always see in journals listed alongside things like red wine or like quinoa or something it's like oh yeah

11 health benefits that come along from uh coffee so yeah i would switch to coffee if i were you do you have a keurig i don't have one no i don't have one maybe i need to buy a keurig i'm they're like 80 and it's the best investment ever they pollute the fuck out of the planet because we're just throwing those K-cups left and right, filling the oceans up with them. But you and I are never going to live long enough for that to even fucking matter. Right? No. Honestly, I'm kind of hoping that I – I want to catch the tail at the end of it.

You're not either. I'm older and I'm in a high-risk category. I should start fucking things up right now. Between the motorcycle and the paramotor 2020 is a long way off Special order hairspray that does have aerosol You got to see like it all start to go really for real to shit right as you're dying You're kind of just like flipping the Fading into the night like oh fuck you kids.! I had as many Keurigs as I wanted!

You know? Enjoy your water rationing! You know, as you're dying. But, you know, there's going to be a really cool Keurig island right next to China's by that time. Of all the Keurig cake cups. It could be a floating island. Have you heard of the Keurig guy who said,

like, the guy who invented Keurig had some, like, think it was like a melodramatic statement of like, oh, I regret inventing the Keurig so much because of these cups. And it's just like, oh, the world's smallest violin. You're going to give the money back, you fuck? No, you're not. You're still making money on it. Here's the thing that he could have done instead if he were just a tiny bit smarter because other people went ahead and did this. There are reusable K-cups. I have them. It's shaped exactly like a K-cup. It has a little plastic click lid on top,

but it's sort of a stainless steel mesh, very fine stainless steel mesh. You grind your own coffee. You don't have to be like, oh yeah, okay, I want this brand of coffee. Give me a whole case of it, which is what I currently do. You can just grind any of your mini coffees up instantly, a little at a time, and get yourself a K-cup full, and there's no waste. There's just compost, which is what you get from the coffee. But that ruins the magic of the Keurig, right? The point is you drop in a K-cup, and now you've got a coffee, right?

I felt like the point was the single serving aspect of it and the ability for you to have yours and your wife to have hers and everyone in the house can have their own blend because some people want decaf, some people want dark. You press a button and you get coffee. If suddenly you're grinding and cleaning

and there's a whole like, then that's traditional coffee. I'm actually, I agree with you there. I'm telling you, this is like scoop and throw it in the dishwasher. It is an extra step, though. It's a couple if you're grinding and stuff like this.

If I'm at work, I'll have some coffee just because it's so easy to use the Keurig machine. You may as well just make one, cup in, hit the button. If I have two little cups of coffee, I'm jittery. I can drink this thing in half an hour and just be fine. There's a reason every place of employment gives free coffee.

That's just like employee productivity juice. Like, oh, would you like to take this drug? Yeah, here's some amphetamines. Am I saying it right? Yeah. Yeah, they should just have like Adderall and coffee in the break room. Yeah, if I started my own company, it would just be a bowl of Adderall with the Adderall sign rubbed off of it so that people take it not knowing.

Oh, Jesus, what's that? Oh, that's a little bit of Adderall. Didn't taste like a mint, did it? I don't know how people take those pills every day. It's mind- The couple times I'd take them in college where it was like, God, I need to study

and someone who had it's like, here, take this. It was an uncomfortable level of focus, at least in my head, where I would take it and then I'd be studying and then almost like some, you know, like the guy in Memento with a memory problem, I'd just come to in the kitchen

scrubbing my counters like it has to be perfect has to be so fucking clean and then i'll appear in the bathroom like scrubbing the toilet like you you can't stop moving on that stuff it's just i like i like to work out on adderall like if i'm gonna do like a workout that i particularly don't like like if i'm gonna do a circuit workout or if it's like leg day and it's time to like actually do fucking deadlifts, I'm on Adderall. I'm like, oh, these are kind of fun. No, they're not. Adderall's great for workouts.

If you take it every day, you definitely build up a tolerance and it loses a little of that magic. Does it make you feel anxious? Like does it make you feel like your hands have to be busy and you have to... I'll be honest. It makes me feel like I'm a demigod. If I'm not taking it regularly, which I'm not,

I've got a bottle upstairs with, I don't know, 30 pills in it of 10 milligrams apiece. I take it maybe twice a month. I'll take one in the morning and if it's a long day I'll take another like five or six hours later I feel like there's nothing I can't do

I mean if it's a physical activity a mental activity if it's a problem where I see two or three other people are struggling to figure something out I'm like I am here you fools let's get this joint put on there they were trying that exact thing has happened before. Adderall's great.

I can't speak highly enough about how nice Adderall is in short doses. A huge fan. Big fan. Don't snort it, though! Didn't notice the difference. It doesn't seem like you're going to go from snorting anything to being like, let's get those taxes knocked out. Like, no, you're going to go do something that probably is probably not helpful. Yeah, you're going to make some bad life decisions if you're snorting it.

Yeah. Yeah, that's definitely a drug that, like, maybe, like, using it like you said makes sense to me. Like, I still don't think i'd want to but there's there's like it's a true blue thing that growing up with kids who were on adderall or on ritalin at the time for years like their personality was different like i had friends who like in second third fourth grade like you end up going over to their house on a weekend and you're like what the fuck who are you like who is the guy who's like kind of chill and in class and quiet and you know i'm the more energetic one

and now it's on the weekend and this kid's lighting his cat on fire and doing all sorts of shit like it's it really does it changes your personality i'm not sure if that was adderall if he's lighting cats on fire that's uh that's. If he's on Ritalin, then he's settling down for school, right? He's hyperactive. So you're catching him not on Ritalin. Aren't you just catching his real personality? Yeah, exactly. You're catching the real person. That's why I had Fred.

A counterbalanced version of his personality where it's running free now because it's been tamped down all day by the stimulant. Maybe, but the way he phrased it was like Ritalin changed him. It just seemed like... It does change you.

If five days out of the week you're not the real you, when does that become the real you? That's a solid point. In a way. It is. It's another fucked up thing. You're guaranteed

to be shorter and be smaller than you otherwise would have taking ritalin or any kind of one of those pills if you're through those formative ages apparently because first of all it's in its speed so it's gonna get rid of your appetite and it's also going to there's something else that it did that i need to look into but yeah it's just so many friends who regret having them put on that when it was just like basically a parent when they were seven being told like your seven-year-old boy doesn't like to sit still for long periods of time like oh we better medicate him you know that's clearly not normal you know all the girls have no problem sitting there being bored all day. How interesting would it be if they modified schools

so the boys could be more successful? That's how it used to be. And then they changed the format in the way that they could start schooling. That's what Milo says, but how did they change it? They changed the testing to be about curriculum work more than exam work. They changed the balance of how much those two things would affect your grade. Daily schoolwork is now heavily favored compared to exams, and daily schoolwork is something that girls do better at in those young ages because girls are more organized at that age. They're more mature.

They're better at just kind of getting that stuff done, whereas young boys are just animals, just running around. They're not going to pay attention. Oh, you have to finish your reading assignment, little Steve. Really? Because a million years worth of evolution teaches me I should be learning to swing a stick as hard as I fucking can right now, or I'm going to die. Everything in my body tells me I want to play with those blocks over there, but I guess what you're saying, I need to pay attention to this booklet. They need to be out there fucking building shit and learning math. I would love to see that experiment

in some sort of charter school or something where like, some private school where like, you know, for math, let's have them do construction projects. There's tons of math in construction. You get out a measuring tape, you want to talk about learning fractions? Some people struggle with learning

fractions. Get out that measuring tape. You're going to learn fast. I mean, it want to talk about learning fractions? You know, some people struggle with learning fractions. Get off that measuring tape. You're going to learn fast. I mean, it's one big fraction. Yeah. And if you mess up. And I really should have more stuff like that. And when you get the wrong answer, you don't have to go to a teacher to find out. You're like, no, no, that was wrong.

That is definitely wrong. Let's go back to the drawing board and cut again. That'd be cool. And over like a couple, I don't know, 15 years later the the recess is just littered with tree houses everywhere it looks like a brazilian slum what we did like at my high school is like all the projects that we would create in our welding automotive and wood and wood shop classes and we made big projects we would build like uh very long cattle trailers the kind you would see going down the road pulled behind a fifth wheel truck full of cows we'd build those from scratch with just steel stock you know we cutting

the steel the length welding it together we build gazebos i'm sure we all know what that is like a backyard little uh hangout spot and uh auction those off they we built all that stuff and sell it and then that funding went right back into our program so like we had the best shit we had the best welders we had the best nail guns we had the best saws like there was no like wanting for anything but like what you were saying of like the practicality of building helped you understand all that shit. You learned better because there is, number one, a physical, tangible payoff.

You have a vested interest in getting it. And then you're actually building it. You learn stuff better when you're doing it with your hands and getting that muscle memory in a way. My dad always made me learn around the household skills like plumbing and basic electrical and carpentry because like he had he's kind of got a self-reliance thing about him and he he wouldn't want to call somebody to come fucking fix a piece of three-quarter inch pipe that's

cracked under his house it's just like come on this is a 10-minute job that requires three different tools let's just learn how to do it and i don't know so a lot i guess i learned a lot of things like that growing up that were probably somewhat educational but by the time i was in high school i knew my fractions and i didn't you know i could operate the measuring tape anyway there were guys who couldn't though there were plenty of guys that i remember in that in that construction class that you'd have to measure their fucking wood form i i was thinking about this i just just came into my head do you remember anything from school that you were taught? Like what's the biggest thing you were taught in school that's now totally debunked?

Because I know all of us were taught that Pluto was a planet. Yeah. And then like three, maybe four years. No, it's like five years after they taught me Pluto was a planet. They're like, nope, changed our mind. I want to say diet stuff has changed a lot. It's changed so changes over the course of my lifetime that i no longer like trust any of it the new thing i keep hearing and and the people

who say it are absolutely douchebags is this like well it's the law of thermodynamics right calories in calories out that just the only fucking answer there could possibly be oh my god you dick shit like you know that the human body processing different kinds of energy and you know keeping some of it shitting out the rest is a lot like it doesn't strictly follow the law of thermodynamics like that's it's not that obvious right but what is the variance because that's something that are going to pass right through right you know that the body just has no use for, like the outsides of fucking corn. The notion that, oh, you know, calories in, calories out. A calorie is, if I have my thing right, you dehydrate it, you burn it,

and you see just how much it can raise the temperature of water, right? Like one calorie raises one cc of water by one degree centigrade or something close to that. Very close to that, yeah. Yeah, but there are some foods, like for me in particular, frosted mini wheats seem to have very little time here in Woody land. You know, like, you know.

I don't know. There's a lot of fiber. You're getting a lot of fiber there. Here's what I think. But fiber is flammable as fuck, right? So I don't know that you can just say, like frosted mini-wheats, for example, would burn very completely and heat up water just totally well. But I'm just saying that the human body is a little more complicated than how well it burns in its dehydrated state. And I'm confident in this.

go forward five, six years, and the notion that everyone clings to now with so much like cocksuredness is going to be dismissed for the next one. So I disagree on this one because I think the deal is this. I agree that our bodies are more and or less efficient at processing certain types of foods, kinds of foods, depending on maybe if you drink, you know, maybe if you eat that hamburger and they consume a gallon of water right behind it, there's a different effect with a caloric intake, fat. Compared to no water. Could be, right? Yeah, could be. But my point and my thought process on this is that the difference is so minimal that over the course of, say, a three-month-long long diet it's minuscule like the difference in weight

gain and weight loss between the individual who was more efficient than normal and less efficient than normal is like a pound or something like I think we're talking about the difference in like an engine that spark plug skips one that skips

50 times a day like to tag on to what you're saying, I don't remember where I read it. You're wasting a little. I don't remember where I read it, but to add on to what Kyle's saying, I saw something that was like, the difference between a good fast metabolism and a slow bad metabolism

is way, way smaller than people think. Like you were saying, there's like a 300 to 400 calorie difference between a real no I know but that's but most people think like that person can eat 2,000 calories a day and I can only eat 1,000 like it's like 300 calories is really only this this container of peanuts right here per day and yeah that adds up quick but so I got a couple things to say one 300 calories a day you said you said three to four

hundred but we'll take the lower number is gigantic like when people gain weight they're gaining like 10 pounds a year over the course of like 10 years you know like and now all of a sudden they're 100 pounds overweight the example you made is every 11 days they cut a pound like that is ginormous that that's not actually a small amount of calories i know you said that's the high end but whatever and the other thing is like i suspect and i'm not a scientist that they're going to that at some point they'll go back to like oh yeah 150 calories from like trans fats is a totally different thing that your body very efficiently like turns into ugly fat on your belly compared to 100 calories from an apple, then it's not as simple. But I think that getting bogged down in the science of it is a mistake, and it's something

that people who, and I'm not saying this about you, because we're just trying to understand the science behind this. It is an interesting topic. I think that fat people are very likely to start looking for these complex scientific biological explanations for why. These excuses for why this happened, that happened. Sure, maybe you do have a slightly slower than normal metabolism. Well, dude, that means that I get to eat a bag of peanuts once a day and you don't.

That is your new life. It's not as if I told you, nah, dude, you get one meal a day while everybody else gets three. You're on a starvation plan for the rest of your life because your metabolism is so slow. That's what they want to make you think. They want to make you that seem like, oh no, I eat three pieces of cantaloupe for breakfast and some oatmeal. And then I have brown rice and steamed fish for lunch. And then for dinner, I have, well, apple slices for dessert, of course, but usually dinner is more brown rice and maybe a bit of grilled beef. But I drain all the fat out, and I drink a gallon of water a day.

But my metabolism is just so slow that I put on three pounds doing that. That's horse shit. That's just horse shit. I agree with that. It's like you're being a fibber. Yeah, and, like, people who are fat also wildly— By the way, that's like you're being a fibber yeah it's like people who are fat also by the way that's what you should be eating fat people what i just listed you're probably like well that's not a meal that's not a day's worth of food that's literally what you should be doing

but that's your that's your diet do it fat people also really underestimate how much they're eating and thin people like you've known thin people before We all know that rail of a guy who's like, I just can't put on any weight. I had a friend who was 6'4", 140 pounds. 6'4", 140 pounds. He was a rail. And every time we talked, like when we saw each other intermittently, like, hey, I thought you were going to start working out or something, man. Like, you're real thin.

He's like, I just can't put any weight on, dude. And I hang out with him for a couple days. And it's like i just can't put any weight on dude and i hang out with them for a couple days and it's like yeah no shit you like in his head he's like god i've been eating all day like we just finished eating and now you want a snack but in everybody else's head it's like dude you ate half of your burger you ate part of your chicken breast for dinner and then as your big splurge snack you had a regular size snickers at 11 30 and in his head he's like oh snickers like of course i'll get fat and then the fat guy on the other hand is like well if i have 13 apples it's still only i don't know 60 calories so i'll just

do that actually i'll just grind them up that'll make it it easier. Add a little bit of sugar. I'm not a savage. You know, candy apples are good, and I've got the candy. I have a friend who actually couldn't put on weight. He had cystic fibrosis. Now, that is a fucking excuse. Yeah, now that's a different thing, right? That's a disease. You come to me, and you're like, oh, I have muscle-wasting disease. It's terrible.

I'm like, oh, shit. I understand. Something about cystic fibrosis, there's like phlegm in your digestive system that stops your body from absorbing like other bodies do. And he had all these enviable doctor's orders like, you know, you got to eat more steak. He's 16 years old. Like, do you like beer yet? You can drink a lot of beer if you want. And yeah, because it was a health hazard for him he had to work

hard to have any kind of body fat at all beer probably makes a lot of sense for cystic fibrosis people because it's it's like drinking a sandwich liquid bread yeah baby yeah that's the way to read so i was uh if you want to get and peanut butter i think i think peanut butter like if i was trying to like actually gain weight like fat like i need like need to meet, you need me to be 40 pounds heavier in a couple months. I'd be on that peanut butter and jelly diet, man. That you doesn't get much better than that. It's hard. One of my nemesises, man. Like I, so here's the thing, like he takes something healthy, like celery or apples and I eat them and I don't find like that didn't, I was hungry beforehand, and I'm hungry afterwards. Apples are bullshit, right?

But celery is bullshit. But you put some peanut butter on either one of those things, and it's delicious. It is fantastic. And then afterwards, I'm not hungry anymore. A little celery and peanut butter, which is what I had before the show, like to make it to dinner, that shit is awesome. But I think I might be violating the point of the celery

when i put peanut butter on it no definitely not that's the whole point of the celery peanut butter is good for you it's just it's just a shovel for peanut butter it's just a peanut butter shovel and you get all the fiber from the celery and there's a lot of protein in peanut butter there's good fat in there you just don't want to eat too much of it. A tablespoon of peanut butter a day might be a doctor's order. I love peanut butter. I love peanut butter. I could eat it with Joey Tribbiani

on the TV show Friends, which I despise. He was like, you ever have peanut butter fingers? They're like, what's that? He goes, peanut butter fingers. He just dips his fingers in the can and just eats it right off his fingers i use a spoon yeah i i i've used a spoon if i got some milk i'll sit there with a spoon and eat that shit sometimes i've eaten embarrassing amounts of peanut butter straight from the container i like like other people eat ice cream i i will sit and eat peanut butter if i didn't

i didn't mind being a big fat fuck. What kind? Because it matters. I mean, what brand? I switch around. There's a natural Jif that's good. There's, at the Whole Foods, some, like, doctor whatever the fuck. Or some kind. It's like the all-natural kind. I don't like that as much because it gets, like, oil.

Yeah, there's a whole bunch of oil on the top. And it's like, I don't want an ordeal here. Just make this easy. You want that oil because the presence of that oil means that they haven't put some fucking emulsifier in your food to keep it all together. That's a good sign. That's just like with cheese. Like, you should never buy grated cheese, especially Parmesan. The law says that they can include like 15% or 20% cellulose in your parmesan to keep it from sticking together does everyone here know what cellulose is plastic yeah that's just wood wood okay wood

fiber they it's just a plant cell wall isn't it they they're putting wood chips in your fucking say in your fucking parmesan to keep from sticking together and and and the amount that they can put in varies greatly and and it's it's like olive oil as well. You're not getting legit olive oil unless you get really expensive olive oil. But grated cheese, all grated cheese that you buy in those bags, the reason it's not all stuck together,

we've all probably grated cheese from a clump, from a brick. You'll notice that it sticks together. And if you squeeze it just a little. You could make a snowball out of it if you wanted to. You can make a snowball out of it. That doesn't happen in those bags of cheese. you know why because they coat them they i don't think no i don't in that case in that case i don't think it's cellulose i thought i had it fuck the cellulose i believe specifically the the wood pulp or whatever is

specifically a parmesan thing for whatever reason. I guess it just goes well with Italian food. You know, you really yanked that football away from Charlie Brown Lucy style on that one. You know why? Like, yeah, I've been paying attention. This is the thing I know. It was cellulose. Wrong.

I'm not so sure on that anymore. Yeah, they coat it in some stuff. There's an added thing. They're spraying on those fucking cheese pieces that you're consuming. You don't want that going in your body. I don't know what it is. This is coming from someone who consumes saccharin though. I have a peanut butter story.

So I'm in like fourth grade, right? So I'm maybe not nine years old. And we're going on a field trip. So everyone's super excited at school, right? Because any time that you're not doing school is a good day right that's the ultimate in in yeah definitely and we're going to this place that manufactures peanut butter so at first like we're all excited like fuck yeah man like i'm gonna see where peanut butter comes from right now i'm picturing like peanuts getting crushed in giant bowls and I don't know

just like magic and shit and uh uh we get there and we find out like they're taking us on a tour of the factory and during the whole tour he keeps emphasizing that it was healthy peanut butter and we're all getting a little skeptical of this fucking healthy peanut butter right like like wait wait wait I mean things docked out protest to it yeah you keep pimping the health aspect of your peanut butter it's all making us think that it might suck and uh so at the end of the field trip we eat the peanut butter and sure enough it sucks like it it doesn't spread well it doesn't taste good like there's nothing good about it but i was so jazzed about the fact that like i'd just seen this peanut butter made that i had like a double dose like i ate more than

the other kids did because you know it's fuck did you guys just see it like they made this this is the thing that we've been learning about all day we get back to school and uh i forget what happens like a bench falls over or something like that like a nothing event and i vomit everywhere like like like for distance i'm like power vomiting it i must have went eight feet before it touched the ground and it spread far and wide there was a cone of peanut butter vomit destruction and uh all the teachers like just pissed they're like oh yeah he probably got too excited about the bench falling over right that was it you fucking whore obviously this is poison butter that you're feeding us and that's my peanut butter story yeah it's this rancid fucking peanut butter you fed us from this organic fancy healthy uh factory that

you just walked a whole 30 children through just now. How clean could it be around here? You just walked 30 children through your fucking food plant. Like one of those scenes in a movie where, like, as you guys were leaving and you're waving goodbye to the peanut butter man, he's like, see you later, kids. Thanks for stopping by. And your bus disappears. And then the real peanut butter guy walks in and is like, what are you doing in my peanut butter factory? And he's like, oh, I'm sorry.

And he just runs away. Otis, get back in them bathrooms. There's shit all over the floor. And wash your hands, god damn. That's the guy ladling peanut butter to each child. Oh man, that sucks because that would be as a kid like that's like going to a brewery as a child where it's like ah this is a great you know 87 uh nut butter or whatever they would call it at this place i saw that uh today on a cliff bar at

a gas station i was like should i get this hot dog or should i get this cliff bar and it said cliff bar filled with nut butter and i was like that's a get this hot dog or should I get this cliff bar? And it said cliff bar filled with nut butter. And I was like, that's a horrible marketing phrase. So I bought the hot dog. Yeah. Nut butter. Nut butter. That sounds like me when I'm lonely.

They make a lot of different butters. You can make about one ounce of nut butter at a time. I don't even know if that's a lot or not. I'm just saying shit. Most people are familiar with, of course, peanut butter, and then we all know about Nutella, which is made of hazelnut because it's cheaper.

Then chocolate, that is. But they make a bunch of them. I bought some cookie butter one time, and what they do is they take cookies, and they grind them up and create a butter out of cookies. And it's so fucking good. Like out of cookies? It's called cookie butter.

It's called cookie butter. They take, like, instead of peanuts, they, like, roasted some cookies and fucking made a spread out of it. And we had, like, a peanut butter and jelly party. We were at Trader Joe's, and they had like a whole wall of peanut butter. Was it a cookie butter and jelly party? No, no, no. I got many kinds of jelly and many kinds of butter. There was like lots of fancy peanut butters.

There was hazelnut butters. There was the cookie butter. And I got like four different kinds. There was apricot jam and some sort of super organic strawberry jam. We had a peanut butter sandwich party where we made all these little tiny peanut butter jelly sandwiches and put them on this big tray like hors d'oeuvres, and then we put our fancy hats on and we ate them. Yeah, there's cookie butter. That's the shit. It's fucking delicious. So is it like cookie dough tasting?

No, it tastes a little bit like nutella uh it's a little bit like nutella but it's it's more delicious it's not chocolatey it's more buttery cookie taste how high was the dude that blended a whole container of oreos and then went into the r&d place at work the next day and was like, guys, you gotta believe me. It's gonna seem ridiculous. I just need you to blend all these Oreos. First of all, this is a Kinko's. The butter place is next door.

And second of all, sir, no smoking. Okay, well, while I'm here, will you tell me what you think because i i made this too actually try it have a little bit of this first next thing you know the kinko's person's on board with the yeah right now they're both on team cookie butter all right so we talked about shit a little bit what do you want to talk about piss uh yeah i guess so i feel like the story is fading a little bit compared to last night

well it's not a it's a fake story yeah i i think it's just fun to to laugh at yeah so um for people who don't know this is i i have my own interpretation of how this whole thing went down that i haven't heard anyone say. So here here here it is. Woody style. I'll try to be nonpartisan about it. If you go back a week ago, Trump is denying intelligence reports that the Russians hacked into the DNC and exposed their stuff through WikiLeaks. Right. hacked into the DNC and exposed their stuff through WikiLeaks, right? Donald Trump doesn't want that to be true because it feels like it makes him a little less legitimate as a president

if he got help from an outside country. So Chuck Schumer said something that caught my attention. He's like, you don't go, like you don't attack the credibility of the insurance, of the intelligence community because they have six ways till Sunday to get back at you. I didn't like that he said that. Chuck Sumer might be into Trump. So you heard it too? Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Chuck said that. So I heard that and I was like, oh, that's a thing, I took it, stored it away, right? So then Trump does a briefing on Friday, like almost a week ago, with the intelligence community. And if I it the story right trump was like we're having these leaks so i didn't i didn't tell anyone i didn't tell my assistant who he trusts who's been with him you know long before the presidency presidential stuff

all his staff etc they didn't know anything they were just completely out of the loop and it still broke which kind of implies that maybe someone on the intelligence side broke this story. That just sort of like leaked it. And now Trump, who has been taking attacks, saying that he knows things, the intelligence, like kind of putting down the intelligence community. Suddenly two things happen. One, fucking, what do they call it? Golden gate? Golden shower gate?

Like, whatever. That thing launches. And two, Trump is now saying that the intelligence did do all this stuff and that he's on board with the intelligence community. Like, I think the intelligence community fucked him through the back channels and leaked this story. I think you're connected to things that have nothing to do with each other. He finally got his briefing, right? They finally sat him down and they said, this is what we know. This is how we know it.

And I don't know anything about that briefing. None of us should, although he's looking into why NBC might have known a little bit of something about it before he did. But I think the whole thing about him getting pissed on is so outrageous. And look, dude, it's coming out now. The guy just ran for president. the dirt would have came out we he grabbed we got to grab him by the pussy tape but nobody mentioned that trump likes to get pissed on that thing mccain had this a while like months ago but didn't he just release it to the intelligence community not to the public what is it that he released i'm confused like apparently this information came from a british if i have look it's all coming out yeah oh yeah i saw something like that where a bunch of people

on 4chan are claiming that they sent that and that they fucked with it and it's like i i believe that just as much as i believe that this actually happened that donald trump was up in a hotel and vindictively demanded to hookers to pee on that bed. Like, pee on that bed! That's where Obama fucking sleeps. Or where he slept at least. Maybe he's sleeping in a van. Neither of them is true. 4chan did not leak this. Probably not.

I don't think any of this is true. They went to the way back. There's a site that archives all this 4chan shit. They had no specifics whatsoever. But apparentlyain gave this stuff to the intelligence community months ago and kept his mouth shut that that's a story what stuff i'm still confused like like piss gate stuff but what is the piss gate stuff like like okay so there is a claim that donald trump had to prostitutes piss on a bed. Who is saying that?

British intelligence. One anonymous guy that claimed to be British intelligence. How does British intelligence gather... Do we have a name? No. All this is unfolding. I feel like I'm on the hook for how credible this stuff is. No, no, no.

I'm just trying to understand. Did Agent 007 come forward and be like, Yes, my lord. I watched them defile the bed. It was disgusting. I'm just trying to understand. Did Agent 007 come forward and be like, Yes, my lord, I watched them defile the bed. It was disgusting. He jerked it furiously. He rolled the dice, as they say. I'm not saying any of this is true. I'm saying this is what I've seen.

Apparently, 007 found out that the Russians had videotape of this lewd act. And he told McCain. And then McCain took this information, turned it over to the intelligence agency. The intelligence agency was briefing Trump on all the stuff they have. And they say, here's an example of verified, correct intelligence. And he outlines how Putin broke into the dnc gave this stuff to wikileaks how if he lost they were going to be like was it hashtag democracy is dead or something like that like they were ready to destabilize and delegitimize what you're talking about russia today

is what i'm saying so they said look this is verified correct we're on target with this as an example of intelligence that we're not sure about, here's the thing about you getting pissed on by two whores that was presented to us from British intelligence. Wait, is it that he got peed on by two whores? I thought that it was that people were saying that Donald Trump hated Obama so much that he got two hookers to go pee on the bed that Obama slept on. And that's just so fucking weird.

That's what it reads, and I hope he did. Yeah, I know the internet has changed it. He's into water sports and stuff. He kind of is, but there's different levels of that, right? Oh, is he? If he's a germaphobe, he's not into water sports. I don't think he's a germaphobe. At the rallies, he comes and fucking kisses babies, and he shakes hands with his... He claimed to be a germaphobe, he's not into water sports. I don't think he's a germaphobe. At the rallies, he comes and fucking kisses babies

and he shakes hands with his... He claimed to be a germaphobe in his press conference today. I mean, maybe that's a good... Suddenly he's a germaphobe. Yeah, I would tell everybody I was a germaphobe too if there were thousands of people giving me death threats every day and I have to meet and greet all the time.

It'd be an easy reason not to shake every hand. They probably gave him a briefing when they said, hey, did you see that movie where they tried to kill kim jong in with that jung-un with that little patch on the palm those are fucking real and they're everywhere the germaphobe thing came out in reaction to the peed on thing he's like i wouldn't he didn't say all these words but it was i'd never be into pissing stuff i'm a bit of a germaphobe let me tell you you know i just wish there was one person in the press pool or whoever he's saying that to who is into into water sports and he's like actually the cnn thing today where trump was doing the whole you know q a with all the media and cnn

was someone he starts to like barrel through a question you know in the big room of media and trump is just like you know be quiet like shut up like you've done a very bad job cnn and then he goes to call on some lady and the guy on cnn just keeps barreling through his question the way those people do and trump's like excuse me this woman just tried to ask a question you're being rude and then just lets people from other networks ask questions and then when like cnn tries to get in again he goes you are fake news you didn't see that yeah it depends on the lens you view this stuff through right to me trump came off like a pussy right like the cnn guy is trying to ask him questions and trump is like no no uh yes so to me trump came off really weak you know it's like obama went on fox several times you know one v ones with bill o'reilly and

box is the biggest cable news station in the world cnn however is the least trusted cable news station also fake news multiple times i'm sorry there was also a lot of times that obama said stuff like oh yeah fox just poisoning all these bitter clingers or whatever they were saying yeah he said that but but i don't think that's a bad move because you're you're always going to get credit from the people for fucking with the media it seems like like i think we all kind of like seeing the media they have a is the i think the media's uh approval rating is even lower than congress's perhaps but that's the whole lens thing i keep talking about or i call it a filter one like you know I think the media's approval rating is even lower than Congress's perhaps. It could be. But that's the whole lens thing I keep talking about.

I call it a filter. The Trump supporters are going to look at that and be like, yeah, he screwed over CNN. I hate CNN. Much like if he were to screw over, say, Sidney Crosby. I would be on board with that. But when you're not on Team Trump, you're like, oh, that's so weak. You're scared of CNN questions. You call that a slap shot.

Ha! Yeah. And Sidney Crosby is a pussy you can't grow a beard maybe you haven't seen the beard fucking lineup don't even care here's my feelings on the Trump thing like like I think it's fake because it's so outrageous and everything. We have no verifiable sources. It seems like nowadays we just run without any verifiable sources. I need a guy's fucking name who's standing behind his words, right? If you're telling me someone whispered to you in the dark and told you a deep, dark secret,

there's aliens, there's mafiosos running the country, whatever, then my next thing is going to be like, show me that on paper with someone else's name signed. Show me a video of those two guys shaking hands. Show me Trump with a bunch of urine collection vials sneaking out of a hospital somewhere. Show me some proof. I got no reason to think he's into water sports. And hey, if he is, who gives a fuck? I who i there's plenty of chicks i would let piss on me i i'm not into it but i mean sure why not well i think we'd all let let a girl pee on us and we'd all definitely

let two hookers piss on the bed of our worst enemy right like if we were somewhere and we were like oh yeah that's uh insert names bed and and you had your two Russian hookers with you, you'd be like, yeah, piss on his bed. Why don't you drink your $800 glass of cognac and fucking giggle? So I would not get off knowing that Obama once slept in this hotel room two years ago. Now it's been – Maybe it was that Obama was about to stay there, and that's the sweet he gets. That's not the story. stay there and that's the sweet he gets.

That's not the story. As far as would I let chicks piss on hypothetical single Woody? Yeah, in the shower, I think if they're hot enough, I'll let them get away about anything. That's the move right there. In the shower, that's a very easy thing. It's much easier to say, okay, in the shower

because you know that cleanliness is right there. I can get clean all it is but if someone's like hey you know we're going yeah so selena 22 is that porn star who uh who watches our uh our show and she's a fan and everything and follows us on twitter and she really follows the show closely and i talk to her occasionally on uh dm and uh and one time i was offering to send her like some fps r. I was like, because we make... I've got panties and stuff like that. I was like, hey,

maybe you wear them in one of your videos, because her videos get like 8 million... She'll get banged in the ass, and it's like 8 million views. I was like, maybe we'll put some professional Russian panties on you, and you can get awful things done to you. That's where true viral videos lie. A real 8 million, and you know to her, she's

like, 8 million, that's alright you know to her she's like eight million that's all right okay so and she's like yeah yeah send them i'll piss on them and i was like huh i don't know if i want to send them now like like can you not miss on them like i kind of put a fantasy together here where like you're wearing my panties while i watch you get fucked or something like that and and it's kind of interesting but but now you gotta piss on them so i never did send them but but trump would have sent them trump would have sent him he definitely has the you know all publicity is good play look in the primaries and i respect trump for this all the other candidates were pissed that they weren't getting the same amount of coverage

but they weren't going into the lion's den every day right trump is going on cnn msnbc abc you name it doing interviews getting his name out there like he was literally getting up at like 4 a.m yeah and starting that morning radio show call-in thing that that occurs from like exactly 6 a.m to like 10 a.m you know know, the ride into work. He'd call as many of those as he could while he was like flying to his next stop or to his next tour date. Or like, you know, between work,

he found a new way to like, he was pumping media. I heard him on so many no-name radio shows. Yeah. Like the Jim and Bill Morning show in albuquerque it's like what the fuck's he doing that like in the middle of the campaign there was a clip from last year on the opie and jim show where i thought it was going to be like a bit where they're like we got donald trump call it in i was listening to it on youtube and i'm like oh i bet i bet that donald trump's gonna call in as he's running for president and then they answer it and it's just

this radio show like donald how you doing he's running for president. And then they answer it and it's just this radio show. They're like, Donald, how you doing? He's like, hey, how you guys doing this morning? Did the middle of a huge campaign. It was actually him just talking the way he would, totally comfortable and serious, not afraid at all of saying something ridiculous. Like, oh, how is it going so far, Donald? 30 million subscribers.

Meanwhile, every news outlet out there would love to have had Jeb Bush as an interview, and he's hiding behind some staff. Yeah, because they're afraid. Same with Clinton. Clinton wouldn't go anywhere. Clinton was—that's what Megyn Kelly was saying. Megyn Kelly does not like Donald Trump, clearly.

But I was listening to her the other day. She's like—and they were talking about this point specifically, about him getting so much media attention. She's like, we contacted Hillary Clinton constantly. She was giving every opportunity under a myriad of circumstances, rule sets, you know, any way you can go about getting an interview that she'd be comfortable with doing with me. And the feeling was that she did not want to legitimize Fox News. That she would rather not go on the biggest fucking cable news network in the world and try to push her platform forward against Orange Hitler, as he's known.

She'd rather hide. Meanwhile, Trump doesn't care who you are. He'll go on there and fight a fucking crusade. He'll go on 5v1 on some panel. Yeah, he'll be on the Young Turks on there. Like, no, no, no. He'll clean up the Armenian genocide and their eyes will burst out of their head.

And Hillary's defense, she had a slightly different thing she was working with. Hillary always thought she was ahead or may have even been ahead at some point. You don't really know until the election happens. She had Ronda Rousey syndrome. She had John Podesta over in there in there god your boxing's good god it's sharp hillary oh you're like a pro you could take on mayweather so maybe mayweather's next

hillary on the other shoulder being ignored was hey maybe you should go up to michigan and see if they're interested you know if the news cycle is currently donald trump called miss universe fat or if the news cycle is currently donald called Miss Universe fat, or if the news cycle is currently Donald Trump grabs women by the pussy without their consent or whatever, then Hillary is like, you know what? I'm just going to fade into the background and not interrupt this news cycle. And that seemed to happen all the time. So that was the thought process in her head. But Donald – It turned out to be wrong.

What Donald would do was those who hate him and there were so many they would come up with those news stories they would either dig them up um because they're factual because he they or they would take tape right from him and whether they doctored it or not portray him badly they're look you don't have to do that whole doctoring thing cbs did with the uh the 9-1-1 Trayvon Martin tape to make Trump look bad. You don't have to go that far. However, at times they did do that to him. They will always cut off his third sentence, the third part of his sentence or something. If he's going to say they're rapists, they're drug dealers, they're this, and some of them, I assume, are good people.

They really just want to cut that good people part out. And it just seems a little disingenuous that they always cut it out. It's like you didn't have two and a half seconds more of airtime. Like, let's just be 100% clear. Like, yeah, he said something pretty ridiculous, but let's hear the end of it. I felt like that happened him constantly. But he was always ready to like, throw a little something out into the news cycle to get you out over that. He'd say something crazy or he'd attack somebody in a funny way or, you know, whether it was little Marco or, or, or lion Ted, lion Ted, you know, all those insults, all that bravado,

all that entertainment. He was a show. He was a carnival act. It was, it was, I can't believe that he like, it is crazy thinking about it now. Like, there's going to be, like, college courses, like, media classes, like, a decade from now about, like, you know, media manipulation and, like, how to play the media and, like, what he did. Like, because he really did do that. He played all of them. Do you think that after his presidency he'll have a big career in giving speeches and uh and going places and talking about you know winning you know that would be my thing like like i my like like don't go in there as the businessman don't go in there as the politician talking about social issues go in there and talk about winning winning and because because that's what he's known for that's what

he's done if he could give he could give like two-hour talks about winning across the country and make himself a couple more billion dollars probably. He'll have another book. He's not too old. I mean if he made it two terms, he'd be 78. Get himself another book rolling out. Oh, it's going to be impressive. I can't wait until those fireside chats start kicking up. I bet he might start uploading YouTube videos. We'll'll see i really look forward to seeing his communication thus far

i feel like he's gone from the whole 40 chest thing to checkers right it and maybe i'm viewing it through the that lens of the left but when i see him going after meryl street i think he looks like a fucking jackass i think most people do even some of his supporters are like, oh my god. I really don't think so. He's so easy to bait. He's so easy to bait, but also a lot of the people who voted for him really were sick and tired of being beaten over the head with these ham-handed, you know, we're celebrities, and we know best, and we dress up and play pretend better than you,

and look at me, I played a nurse in this movie, isn't that profound? I know all about the government and how it should run, and people just think, like, no, fuck you. Like, you are there to give me a giggle when I turn on Netflix. When I turn that off, you cease to exist. Notice what Meryl Streep

even brought up. She brought up something that happened so long ago that, like, it was at the beginning of the campaign. I feel like that was during when he was fighting the Republicans. She brought up MMA too. Well, yeah, she brought it up as a roundabout way to bash it. That's what pissed me off about it was the whole little elitist, like, oh, you know, we provide the culture. I'm sorry. I missed something.

What do you mean MMA? Meryl Streep, I'm going to misquote her, but it's something close to like, you know, people have – she was bragging about the arts, and she's like, if it wasn't for this, people would just be doing mixed martial arts, which is not an art at all. Or football. Or football, did she say that too?

And then she got over to Trump, and the MMA community was like, why is she taking shots at MMA? But me, I was like, yeah. Mixed martial arts isn't an art. It's a sport, and I'm fine with that. It's absolutely as much of an art as it is to play pretend. Pretending to be a nurse on camera is art. You don't think throwing perfect punches is just as hard as perfect brush strokes? Like, there's so much muscle.

Ah, come on. This is going to beat the shit out of you mid-painting so it's actually throwing perfect punches is in the same league as swinging a baseball bat correctly something i can't yeah and the guys are their best editor artists fucking ty cobb was an artist i think they're athletes there are a lot of athletes who have gone from athlete to actor there's never been an actor who's decided i'm gonna be a professional athlete now i'm gonna go get involved in the lesser arts you know no it's ridiculous that's what i didn't like is the whole like oh you know what would you do if you didn't have fucking sausage party and u571 and

saving private ryan which i'm kind of all you're tacitly taking credit for the whole hollywood community here you just have a bunch of oafish idiocy and football and mma it's like no this is why people don't like you because you're disconnected like now i know i hate the like movies and stuff like no no i was no no i hate hollywood yeah she was being dismissive and shitty to people who like football and and mma like i think george saint pierre whoever that's the guy I know is being really really good. That guy is more of an artist, I think, than Meryl Streep. Just like I think Sidney Crosby is more of an artist

than Meryl Streep. You know why GSP won't be fighting anytime soon with UFC? Contract negotiations? His Under Armour deal is legit. How good is it? Really? He's got a monthly Under Armour deal and they cannot compete against it to to get him to they can't throw reebok on him and then throw enough cash at him for him to come

fight with them it's that big they uh i was i was listening to him talk about it the other day it's a huge deal that he's got numbers oh no that's interesting and i also wonder like why is it under armor dropped him like if i signed gSP and he retired, I'd be like, fuck, that sucks. I don't know what he does. Like, for all I know, GSP has, like, one of those Instagrams with four or five million fight fans, and he's on there fucking hitting the speed bag, like, wearing his Under Armour, like, putting together little quick Instagram montages, making, like, basically commercials for Under Armour on a weekly basis.

But because it's a monthly deal, like they're getting something. They're getting something from him. I don't follow the fighters closely enough for that. I'm looking forward to Joe's fight big time. Yeah. Can't wait to see that. I was talking to him today. And he thinks that BJ Penn's going to win.

He thinks that BJ Penn's going to win. He's close to BJ Penn. I don't know if you know, after the Ultimate Fighter, he went hawaii and trained with him for a while oh that's cool yeah you know that so he has a relationship with bj pin and he's grateful to the advice and training that he got from him um okay guys real quick you guys both said you think he's gonna lose bj pin this fight i don't know i thought bj pin but yeah so so bj he's like the lose, BJ Penn, this fight. I thought BJ Penn was... He's like the 40-year-old guy, right? 37? How old is BJ Penn?

I remember we talked about him the other day. I had 43 in my head, but he looks 35 or something. He looks good because of his race. He hasn't fought in a couple years. He lost his last fight kind of badly and prior to his last fight that he did lose badly he was like oh i'm gonna go see if i still got it

we're gonna see and then he loses and he's like yes i don't but now he here here he is coming back to fight again and the dude he's fighting is the guy that i was trying to remember um about two weeks ago he is that mexican flashy Andy Pettis-like badass with four different kicks that he throws wildly, randomly, early. In the fight that I saw, the first round was just a firework show of him with flying knees and wheel kicks

and front kicks to keep distance and just spinning kicks. All kinds of crazy stuff. Very fast punches. Very entertaining fighter. He doesn't speak English very well, but I didn't give a shit because it was so fun to watch that guy fight. So here's the thing. BJ Penn at 155, tremendously successful.

At 170, not as much. I mean, he beat Matt Hughes. That's amazing. But at 170, his record is not as strong at 155. The guy he's fighting at fights at 145. I don't know where the... I don't know that Penn has made 145, and certainly

not lately. Is it a catch weight or something? What are they doing? I'd have to look it up. But what weight class he's in makes a big difference as to how well he does historically so we'll see maybe he's at the lighter classes and he'll be a monster you know what what i heard joe lozano or rogan point out recently about weight cuts and how that can affect a fighter and i'd never considered it he was talking about you know you're dehydrating yourself for that

weight cut right part of that liquid you're losing is that bone brain barrier that's in your head that liquid that that cushions your brain from concussions you're losing a good bit of that a percentage some percentage of it during that weight cut and you're not necessarily getting it back in there pre-fight um so i never considered that but that's definitely a thing that's a thing yeah people find that like if that if you drain a lot of water out and such, it can impact your chin, like you said. Yeah, your brain matter is going to hit the inside of your skull harder. It's not going to have that cushion to slow it down.

So they dehydrate themselves so much that their blood-brain barrier just isn't girthy enough? In some situations, they dehydrate themselves to the point where they have to go to the er um you know they'll get they'll be they'll there are guys whether it's for show or for you know just necessity that ended up being drug out of saunas i can it's just i think the deal is whenever they see a doctor, sometimes they need a doctor. Sometimes it's terrible. Sometimes I think it's a way out.

Because it seems, and this is going to be an extreme example, that I could cut five pounds of water weight, see a doctor, and he's going to be like, you need an IV. Whereas the truth is I have ten more to give, right? Look at me. Why are IVs bad? Oh. Are they bad? So they're not bad for health or anything. The reason they're not allowed is that you can use an IV to give yourself a lot of fluids in a hurry and dilute the bad stuff you have.

Ah, cool. So maybe if you're on testosterone or something, you can take an IV right now, improve your ratio, and pass a test. Glad to hear that because beforehand it was like, well, why are they doing this disservice to the fighters? Like you're making them cut this weight because of the system. And look, I can't think of a better system than the current weight cutting system. Maybe after a fighter has a certain number of fights or you take a point of time in his career and you say, okay, this is your range of weight. You are not allowed to drop to 145. You are 155 minimum. You can't be walking around at 175 and then trying to fight at 145. That's not safe for you.

And if you somehow accomplish it and are able to able to like keep you still be there it's not fair for the 145 pound guy you're fighting he is close to that connor will walk around at like one that's partially why he's the fucking man there's so many angles that you can take to be great in one of those weight classes whether it's being amazing at cutting weight or being a physical specimen an oddity really a physical oddity and that your limbs are extra long so that you could just fucking maintain distance or if you've got those crazy john jones legs that are like not like a base more like nunchucks like his knee is the chain and his leg and his leg is a nunchuck it's uh so this guy that joe's fighting joe lozano um

the polish prodigy he's a leg lock specialist not that that's fighting, Joe Lozon. The Polish prodigy. He's a leg lock specialist. Not that that's his only weapon. The toe hook, right? Yeah. That's his favorite one? Yeah. So basically what it is is you lay on your back, you get the guy's leg under your armpit, and you twist it around.

And you can go after his ankle, but better yet, his knee. That way. And the other guy is kind of standing over you. So one of two things happens uh it it's very injury prone but your opponent's knee uh something about knees different than arms and necks and stuff they go you're not made to go the other way to damaged very quickly um so so the knee damage is a is a risk that joe's into. But the risk that the other guy takes, people who go for leg locks get punched in the face a lot, a lot.

They're laying on their back, and they just fuck it. Like one of the defenses to a leg lock is smash him in the face a lot until he doesn't want to do leg locks anymore. Go back and watch that Joe Sanchez fight and look at Joe's stand-up game and look at it. stand-up game. And look at it. Look how clean his punches are. Look how hard they are when they connect because that's what matters.

I mean, you can see all kinds of crazy shit like this, and it doesn't mean anything. Watch when his fist fucking hits Diego in the face and the look in Diego's eyes. Joe's throwing some pretty serious bombs. He's going to fuck this kid up. The thing about that Diego fight in particular is all those punches connected like it seems like a lot of times like 85 accuracy or something if if people there have never done any kind of boxing or fighting or something and i've said this before i thought i was going to be very accurate as a fighter having never like before i did it i was like dude i have a lifetime of success like pulling books off shelves passing salt to my family members like you know like I'm fucking money on like

picking things up and putting them down why wouldn't my punches be just as accurate and then the other guy starts moving around then you realize you don't know your distance you're quite the same and there's shoulder rotations it's way harder than i thought it was going to be based on how great i was at passing salt um joe in that diego fight it's like every punch seemed to hit it was both of them are moving but diego's trying to evade he's fucking moving to his left which doesn't seem a good idea he's moving right into joe's right and joe was just fucking teeing off on him with combos and And when he gets close, he throws one uppercut that maybe misses, and it's like Diego was like, oh, God, I'm glad that didn't hit. But then here comes like a cross and like a left, and then it was great.

Very good fight. I watched it twice last night. I get very wrapped up in Lozon fights. Of course I love Lozon. Dude, I sit there and think. They stress me out. Are you a bad friend? Should you be in there helping him? Joe's about to get into a fight? No, Joe doesn't want you there

This is really a Joe thing if it were legal and there was some way that I could like be on the outside and like like Throat like a rock at the other guy real hard and like beat him in the back of the head and nobody would see it like right right it's like all right fight and he's just like coming across it i'd do it i'd fucking i'd be i'd be down and down low like they took out kennedy right i'd get the drainage ditch blow gun fucking you'd have to wear that same vietnam vet coat you're wearing right now and when it was like showing the pan of the beginning of the fight, you'd see your crazy eyes standing up with a rock as you

hurl it towards him. I could just see Joe and I getting this guy together. Like, Joe! I've got his left leg! Do something! Do something! While he walks around with me like I'm his kid. I watched about three or four of this Polish guy's fights. His name is like Hen or Hand or Hind, something like that.

It starts with an H, but he's Polish. What was your impression? Are you worried for Joe any more than you were? So this is a dangerous guy. He's very specialized on the ground. He's got a lot of submission wins. It seems like he goes for a lot of submissions. But that's Joe's kind of bread and butter, right?

Joe's a brown belt in Brazilian jiu-jitsu. He knows how to defend against that stuff. And I think that Joe's age over this guy is not as a help rather than a hindrance. This is a real baby-faced kid who's been fighting a bunch of Polish amateurs. He's like 24-0 at Polish amateurs, but he lost to Diego Sanchez, who we were just referring to, that Joe demolished four months back.

This kid lost to that guy. Now, of course, MMA math doesn't work. We always say that, but it is to be noted. I think Joe is going to beat this guy with punches, but there's a very good possibility I think that Joe that this guy get that it goes to the ground. Maybe Joe wants it to go to the ground and although that and and Joe counters a submission attempt and and he submits this guy There's a good chance this guy while trying to get some toe hook or some fucking heel lock or something loses his back to joe and gets choked the fuck out or he gets here's my prediction is how i see it going down the guy goes for a leg

lock on joe joe either wins by smashing him in the face or he smashes him in the face so much that submissions become easier to get. I mean, it could easily be a TKO first round if this guy goes for some sort of fancy rolling takedown trip-type thing, rolling him into a thing, and Joe, like... Is it Friday? 15th, yeah. Oh, it's the day before the show comes out,

so you guys will know if we're right or not. Yeah, yeah. If Joe starts working... If this guy's on his back on the ground trying to grab Joe's ankle this show comes out so you guys will know if we're right or not yeah yeah i i if joe starts work if this guy's on his back on the ground trying to grab joe's ankle and joe's raining blows down on him it's gonna be over real fucking quick joe hits hard joe hits harder than i thought he did um joe joe this is this will be a good fight professional fighter i would imagine it's really hard or i guess but he's a submission guy so you wouldn't think about it as much maybe you know is that what you're talking about next time i see joe i'm gonna let him punch me in the arm

uh because i was watching jim norton uh and and whenever they have mma fighters come in he fucking lets him give him one and uh uriah faber fucking knocked the piss out of him i thought a little less of uriah he hit hit him so goddamn hard because Jim Norton's a – Didn't he hit him more than once too? Jim Norton is like 5'7". He's a very small guy. And he's a very sort of – he's kind of a pussy. I love Jim Norton.

He's a funny guy, but he's not an athlete. He's a comedian, okay? That's what he's good at. And he plays into that, and he wouldn't mind being called a pussy. He knows a good bit about MMA. He's on that thing with the other guy. He has an MMA talk show. Yeah, with Sam. He knows a good Matt Serra. With Matt Serra.

I like that show. It's good. It's nice to have the expert and the comedian who's learning rapidly. But I saw him taking these punches from guys and they all kind of had this grin like, oh, we gonna do this and all everybody's cool right because normally when i hit people you know i need a lot of okays before i throw the blow okay for real for real pop and they throw a nice clean like cross and and hit him in the shoulder and every time he's like oh

god that's a professional athlete but uriah faber hit him hit him hard and fast uriah threw a punch like it was like like like he was trying to knock out a guy who was who had just broke free of his clinch it was like it was like uriah had the guy the guy broke free and then he was throwing a quick punch to like kill the guy right there he hit him like that that's not the worst example man familiar with forrest Griffin? Yes. If I have the story right, the interviewer was supposed to either get there the day before or an hour earlier or something. He was late.

There's a video here of your Raya Faber punch of Jim Norton, but please continue the story for the time being. Forrest Griffin was like, all right, you're late or you came the wrong day. We can do this. We carry on, but I get a leg kick. And the guy's like, what? He didn't want to. He wasn't like, yeah, it's an opportunity for me to feel like what a pro leg kick feels. And Forrest is like, no, no, no, you'll be fine.

You'll be fine. I'm just going to kick you right here, like in the thigh. And the guy's like, no. He agrees to do it because the interview is important to him. Like, this is his job. This is a thing that he needs to do. Forrest broke his bone. Yeah. He broke his leg kicking him in the thigh.

The guy that was getting kicked, was he an athlete? Did he have any training whatsoever? It wasn't obvious by looking at him. So he had no idea like if he should tense a muscle up or brace himself or position his leg right that's the i don't like that story actually because forrest knows his his tools forrest knows what he is champion of the world right he's a champion yeah and i i want these guys to we were talking about the ufc combine a while back.

I wish they had heavy bags that had sensors in them, a la Rocky IV, where we kept seeing that 1,000 pounds per square inch every time I even drag off would fucking nail that bag. I want to know. And maybe the reason they don't is because the results would be scary and the results would give data to support the cause of anti-MMA. They just got MMA legal in New York. Maybe if we start showing that Jon Jones can literally kick hard enough to kill a man if the man stands there and takes it, we lose sponsors or the sport declines in some way.

I suspect that number is not that significant. The number's not that significant. I could be wrong, but I think effectiveness has a lot more to do with where you hit the guy and whether the guy's prepared, whether the other guy's moving forward, that hitting a sensor. Any of us here is capable of knocking out Conor McGregor if he stands there, positions himself, and then lets us wind up. You know when you're going to hit a nail, and it's like drywall?

Like, damn it. You give it a couple of little taps, and you're like, all right, don't want to fucking get the putty out. So if Conor McGregor stands there and gives you this and twists his head a little bit, and I give him all I got right there, he's dropping to the fucking mat unconscious. I'll be gone when he wakes up.

It'd help if he closed his eyes, right, so he couldn't prepare for it at all. Oh, yeah. Yeah, for sure. And that's something that any one of us could do, any normal man could do. It's just a physical response. It's just how it works. That's why they're tucking their fucking chin and fucking training to be a fighter their whole lives. You might have told it, where a guy was training with some girl

and she clipped him on the chin and knocked him woozy. No? Maybe I heard it. It was probably on the MMA subreddit. I've been knocked woozy several times from little bitty punches. Yeah? Just a left that was just kind of meant to brush your face, really. It definitely was never going to hit me because of the range but just getting brushed in the chin like you said is a oh all

right oh whoa hang on everything's a little dizzy right now and like when scott and i would spar like it's certainly it all you gotta do is be like all right one second time out you know there's plenty of time outs during our sparring sessions because you know we don't really know what we're doing and there's been i there was definitely one because we don't really know what we're doing. And there was definitely one time we're out in the yard, we're dancing around each other with 16-ounce gloves and mouthguards but no headgear, and we both throw that hard right cross, and we both connect at the same time,

just straight punches to both of our faces. We both fucking fall on our ass, sit there on our asses looking at each other just like let's get i'm done for the day how about you he's like i got a headache it's like on the bright side we both hit hard enough to knock the other one down yeah yeah we're both happy i was like hey man i can hit hard enough to knock you the fuck down and you can hit hard enough to knock me the fuck down we both got pounding headaches let's get out of here like like i have a topic oh i'm sorry no no i got a goddamn bad and then i'm gonna do some ad reads and i await your new topic though but i i gotta pee i've been thinking about going to some pka adult diapers that's next in the product line but chiz

has been really dragging his feet on merch so all right yeah i'll do a different topic so someone online was saying that he wanted us to bring back that where we like choose the girl thing like which one's the hottest and which one's your type but i thought that was stupid because we've done it before sissy just linked choose your your class. Yeah. Alright. So these are dogs. I guess which one do you want as your

personal pet? I'm trying to get it all in frame. So there's one called there's six options. Choose your class. It's six pictures of dogs. One is a dog that says pyromancer. It's just laying there and there's fire above it. It's clearly pictures of dogs. One is a dog. It says pyromancer. It's just laying there, and there's fire above it. It's clearly a dog looking at a fire through a window, and the window reflection is above the dog.

It looks like it's on fire. Then there's a brawler. It shows two pictures of dogs in a little fist fight. Yeah, a Siberian husky and looked like a Doberman pincher in some sort of boxing match. There's the assassin. What's in his mouth? Can you make that out? Isman pincher in some sort of boxing match. There's the assassin. What's in his mouth? Can you make that out?

Is it a knife of some sort? It looks like an arrowhead or something. I have no idea what's in his mouth, but he's one of those. I don't know what the name of that dog is, but it's like a popular internet meme dog, and it's jumping at you. Corgi. Okay.

And then there's Shapeshifter in the bottom left, which is clearly a German shepherd where they Photoshopped a frog head onto it instead of a dog head. And I don't know. I have Doberman Pinscher and Salamander Head, but all right. I'll take you. Yeah, it works. And then there's the Ninja.

This is a dog wrapped in a carpet with a knife in its mouth. And then the Monk, which is a very small dog in a hoodie under a blanket. So which of these dogs would you pick to be your pet um like which one which one would you i i can't trust pirate romancer i mean look at his eyes like he's gonna get upset if you don't you come home in time and feed him he's gonna light everything on fire i don't want the brawler i certainly don't want the assassin because they're at the end of the day these are all dogs you don't want the brawler i certainly don't want the assassin because at the end of the day these are all dogs you don't want to actually upset it i'm gonna go with the monk yeah he's chill as fuck and he's got accessories i like the brawler that that that dog looks to

me like the one i most want to pal with he's doing he's doing that john jones eye poke you can see yeah he's he fights dirty i was just finding my distance, that's all. Boink! The ninja might be my second favorite on this list. One of my, like, most, the thing I want to see the most, right, is Jon Jones to come back and fight somebody. And I want to see him go for that eye poke, and I want to see them go,

like the fucking three stooges, throw up the fucking hand and, like, block that shit. Like, I want to see them go, like the fucking three stooges, throw up the fucking hand and block that shit. I want that so bad. I think one of his opponents did that to him on Instagram. Like, you know, I've been training for Jon Jones, and they all bust up with that thing. Fucking put some swimming goggles on or something. That guy's, I don't like that.

That thing I said the other day, maybe it's... What I want for him is to do that and like 10 seconds into the first round, the ref to be like, one point, one point, one point, and then he has to fight without that technique. I would love that. I would love that.

I like it when they take a fucking point. It sets shit straight. These warnings don't mean anything. If I'm a fighter, yeah, you warn me all you want. I'm going to hurt him so bad in round one. He beat me in round one. This is a three-round fight. If I don't cripple him in round two, then it's all fucking over for me because I can't knock him out.

And that kind of mindset lends itself to guys fighting dirty and poking people in the fucking eye because if you blind the guy in the second round and he can't continue, you fucking win. If you blind the guy in the second round and he can't continue, you fucking win. If you blind the guy in the second round and he can't see your left coming, or he can't see your right coming, or he can't see that wheel kick coming, or he can't see that spinning back fist, or whatever eye you've blinded, you've won

the fight again. It's horse shit. I don't like that. You shouldn't be blinding people in fights. No more than you should be. There was back in the old Olympia days, you know, the original Olympics, there was a wrestler who was unbeaten. You know, Greco-Roman wrestling was one of the original Olympic sports.

So they're just talking about taking him out of the Olympics. There's a whole campaign to save that. But his technique, the reason he was unbeaten for so many years was he broke fingers. He broke fingers. He would get people in a lock

and break fingers one after another until they gave up. Until they submitted. And then he'd be lot and and break fingers one after another until they gave up until they submitted i win yeah and after a while they said no more finger breaking you know like like and in the same regard i don't want john jones poking people in the eye because it doesn't show me what i want to see and that is skillful skillful martial artists sending their combination of fucking judo and karate and jiu-jitsu and wrestling and muay thai and the guys who are able to combine that all, shake it up together, and utilize the perfect punch, the perfect kick at the perfect time. Those guys are cool. Anderson Silva, guys like that in their prime. On top of that, there's rules against it, which is part of the issue.

Like if you said, hey, Jon Jones kicks opponents when he's down, if that was the rule for both fighters, then it'd be a fight. I could get on board with that. But the fact that he's getting away with eye pokes, well, that's just crap. The other fighter's not doing eye pokes. Maybe this would have gone down differently if they were both eye pokers. Here it is. down differently if they were both eye pokers but here it is here's uh leon tiscus leon tiscus of massene was also a noted champion uh he was not known for his good wrestling skills but for his

superior finger bending skills he was able to bend right up to the point of disqualification and won two championships with this technique j Jesus, what year is this? Like 400 BC. Okay, okay. Yeah, this is the original Olympics. Back in black and white. I mean, it makes sense. The Olympics won. You're not going to get every rule right.

It's going to take you a couple years to figure out, all right, this cretin is just breaking people's fingers. We've got to change the rules. Oh, this marathon is actually really boring. We shouldn't keep doing that as an event. Nobody ever thought that. Nobody ever got that through their head. Still do that.

Well, that one was more rooted into their society because, you know, you had that runner running from marathon back to Athens. And he gets there and he screams, Nike! And he drops fucking dead.ike is greek for victory because they had won the battle and the homeland was safe and with it all democracy from that moment forward was safe without that without that moment we're not here we're a bunch of fucking socialists maybe run by some empire based out of mesopotamia so yeah i keep running that fucking marathon i don't know about history, but did the lesser societies, like the Mongols, did they yell Adidas or something?

No, they said, just do it! Reebok? Skechers, it's the S! Well, I'm not very catchy people, the Mongols. Alright, I got another topic. It sounds political, but it wasn't meant to be. Oh, let meols. All right, I got another topic. It sounds political, but it wasn't meant to be.

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And you only get the second one if you use our code, so don't forget that. If you pick up CISO right now, you make it all the way through Black History Month. You're good. Yep. It's not a long month, but it's an important one. Well, it's a leap year, isn't it?

Oh, I never know. I have no idea. I never know until February 28th. It just passed the leap year? Am I wrong? I don't know. I heard someone say something about it the other day, but it was just in passing.

There's got to be a better way. Yeah, it corresponds with the Cycle Olympics. Oh, okay. There's got to be a better way to do that. There's not. There's not? Really? We're already set in our ways here. I was going to

say you're going to piss off a lot of computer programmers or employ a lot of computer programmers because they'll have to fix a lot of shit. It's so easy just to add one whole day every four years to make the balance the scales of the entire planet that we just really shouldn't mess with that. There's more complicated than that.

I have to look it up. I had to work with this once. It's, like, every four years unless the year is a century year but it does count it oh yeah right so it's every four years which is the part people know but if the year is divisible by 100 and not divisible by 400 it's also that year but if it's divisible by 100 there so're – so, for example, 1600 and 2000 are leap years, but 1700, 1800, and 1900 are not leap years. It's not every four years. Every century, you don't do it unless it's every fourth century, which you do do it.

I don't know what I was writing that they thought this was going to be an issue, but – They were really getting ahead. This must have been after Y2K. We're like, look, when the year 2550 comes along and we need to get this shit straight, you're the one they're going to blame if it's not right. I don't give a fuck. I'm not going to be here.

We're going to dock your pay, Cromulans. It's not that simple. Cromulans. You won't get your food chip that day. It's every fourth year, unless it's 100th year, and then unless again it's a 400th year.

Well, alrighty then. And then they just add seconds and shit every so often. Yeah, you just leak seconds. That's more like a chef, though. You know, a dash of seconds here. That's just like, until it feels right. Yeah, until get his leap seconds. That's more like a chef, though. You know, a dash of seconds here. That's just like until it feels right. Yeah, until you've got to like get a missile to launch the correct way or coordinate something like that

or like get two pieces of a spacecraft to join up and their computers aren't exactly right and then a bunch of people die. Those leap seconds might come in handy. Might be a big deal. Probably. I don't even like thinking about how complicated everything is to keep everything going because it just really opens your eyes to like man if all of society

crumbled and i had like 30 versions of myself to work with to get it back going like to learn stuff i'd be like there's no chance there's a 0%. I could go to the library and find a book that says how to turn the electricity back on or whatever the fuck it would say, and I still couldn't figure it out. Do you think... I think we could. Yeah. Look, we're not going to go to Lake Keowhee

nuclear plant and get that bad boy fired up, right? But I feel like a group of intelligent individuals without engineering training per se could could sit down and read some literature if it were available in that time and and maybe figure out how to have to get the the the early workings of electricity back up and running there's certainly plenty of fuel laying around plenty of infrastructure laying around so hopefully unless i guess it depends on what kind of disaster we're talking about. If it's some sort of like, you remember that movie Escape from Los Angeles with Kurt Russell?

At the end of it, he uses this global super weapon that uses all these satellites in orbit to basically EMP the whole planet permanently, so that no electricity will ever work on the planet. And I started thinking like, shit, if that happened, like, how do you get going again? Because, like, you can't even get up there to turn it off, right? Like, you've got to start building some, like, conventional cannons and, like, kick, kick, kick. A very large ladder.

You've got to be, like, aiming fucking cannons at those satellites hoping you're going to hit one. Let me introduce you to the Trebuchet subreddit. Those things are orbiting at like 300 miles. You're just like heaving stones. I'll grant you that. Now, that was the original idea.

There was a guy, you know, in the beginning of the space program and everything, launching satellites, we were trying to figure out how we're going to do this, which, you know, designing, coming up with the rocket designs, whether we want the multi- whether we want the multi-rocket systems like the Soviets used or we wanted

fewer rockets. I think the Saturn V maybe uses V or something like that. But anyway, it's very expensive to get that satellite into outer space. And there was this one guy that said, well shit, why are you using rockets? And liquid fuel? No!

Let's build a cannon. An enormous cannon, so goddamn big that we have to bury it because the barrel couldn't even be supported. So they did. They built this gigantic fucking cannon. And the idea was to shoot the satellites

into space. But it never got the funding and it didn't work out. But I think it would have worked. I'm worried that the acceleration would be, like, these satellites better not be fragile. Yeah. Yeah, you would think that. I was going to say the fastest theoretically moving

human-motivated object ever. Do you know what that is? Maybe I phrased that really poorly, but the fastest thing that people have ever made go, you know what it is? We both picked Voyager. God damn it, we should have picked a different one.

That's the only one I know. They were doing a nuclear test, and it was an underground nuclear test, and on top there was this sewer type lid. You know, those big, thick, heavy sewer... You know, the Ninja Turtles are always popping up through them. Anyway, one of those was launched straight up by...

Manhole cover. Manhole cover. A manhole cover was accelerated to a theoretical speed by the nuclear blast and never recovered. They just did the math and they said, yeah, we've never made anything go that fucking fast before. Like we didn't measure it. We didn't have a chronometer on it. Nobody certainly saw it, but we can do the math here and see that, yeah, nothing has ever went that goddamn fast before because of us. Where did it end up? Just in space space i don't know where it ended up and i don't think they do either now the the next fastest thing we're gonna make uh stephen hawking and the and the guys over at

nasa are uh coming up with this very tiny spaceship that they're gonna send to fucking alpha centauri to the the nearest star, right? It travels. Yeah, Neil deGrasse Tyson was talking about that, and they were saying, like, oh, is it going to be a spaceship? And he's like, oh, it's a little generous, almost like a chip. It's going to be the size of, like, a cereal square. It's anything like a quadcopter.

They're actually harder to fly when they're smaller. Straight line. I don't remember how fast it's going, but it's going something like one-tenth the speed of light or something. It's incredibly fast, how fast this thing is going to go. So I found that interesting. I like that stuff. What can it do with it? I think maybe it can send signals back, despite its small size,

and maybe it could tell us something about an Earth-like planet that's there. They keep finding all these Earth-like planets that are in the quote-unquote Goldilocks zone, which is close enough to the sun to be warm and far enough to still have liquid water, etc., and produce oxygen and all that stuff. But I wish there was some way... Would you guys freeze yourselves if you knew that you could be unfrozen at any time? If I'm terminally

ill, I would. No, no. That's not what I'm talking about at all. I'm saying there's a store next to Starbucks downtown that's completely reputable and if you give them $100,000 they will freeze you in a thing and they will wake you up with zero side effects at any date of your choice. No, because you can't go back.

Don't want to. You just wake up, and I think immediately the feeling of like I'm in the same place, but this isn't my world. Nobody knows me. I don't know anyone. People have forgotten about me. I don't belong. Nobody knows me. I don't know anyone.

People have forgotten about me. Like, I don't belong. Like, I think very quickly it would go from, wow, TV shows are crazy in the future, to I'm so lonely I'm just going to kill myself. I think I make myself some conservative investments, sell everything I own, freeze myself for 150 years. I think that's how long it's going to take before space falls. You're going to wake up and the Zune is going to be the big thing. Finally. Damn it. They've got me naked in the Museum of Art.

I've just been there, like, my cock on display for 100 years. Just like, I'm modern art. Like, I wake up and I'm just like. And a bunch of kids are fucking taking pictures with their, I don't know, their earphones or whatever they've got by then. No, they're just blinking real hard. It's like frickin' Morty, I am not staring at you. I am a photographer. Please act naturally.

I am not staring at you. I am a photographer. Please act naturally. You know how they give names to the ancient people? Like Lucy. They'll be like, ah, the Georgian. You know? An ancient man. Taylor, they'll be like, ah, the Georgian, you know, an ancient man.

Look at it. You said, no, I need to do it as a group. I like, I'm thinking about this. So I've got this motivation. If we jump forward far enough, Colin might get better. Right. But like, how do we do this? Cause I don't want to be like, all right, 150 years.

Sorry, hope we're effectively dead for you. Um, yeah, yeah. So then it's like, well, all right. So when do we want to freeze hope? Right. alright 150 years sorry Hope we're effectively dead for you um yeah freeze them all so when do we want to freeze Hope right she's about to head into college right freeze her right now because her college education will be worthless in the future

well is her high school education going to be worthless or do you think those fundamentals will carry on those fundamentals will carry on? Those fundamentals will carry on. You know, math and fucking reading, writing. I mean, we may be speaking fucking Spanish or something, but you'll pick that up, you know. Geography might change.

Be fewer states to memorize now. Like all those post-states went away. Dude, getting rich is incredibly easy, right? Any moron can do it. Getting rich in any reasonable amount of time is very difficult, right? That's the challenge. Anyone can invest like $10 in the S&P 500, wait 10,000 years, and be mega rich, right?

That's easy. You can speed things up if you can find a grant. Vampire Woody would do very well financially. You know, if I could live 500, 750 years, something like that, then that would be a piece of cake. But actual Woody, you know, you've got to get rich while you're still young enough. That's the challenge. That eventually become like the smart financial choice was to freeze yourself

and buy timeshare bonds or whatever the hell but then of course it becomes its own kind of ponzi scheme when everyone's traveling through time and there's like 60 people left trying to keep everybody's machines up and running oh fuck that i start unplugging you guys and take your investments you're just a serial killer. I'm sitting there on the outside. I invented the machines. I'm like, you see this? All these people thought that they found a way to get rich

long term. I found out how to do it short term. Jump! Jump! Jump! That is the risk. You think you'll have a lot of money and... Oh, the power went out! Oh, no! It must have been a surge yeah the one like time machine guy comes in and it smells like a freezer that's been left open all night oh oh speaking of that here i got

the uh my outdoor freezer and this is a freezer that's the size of a normal refrigerator like it's a it's a it's a it's a vertical standing one not not one of the horizontal ones where you like open it up like a big chest. But it's the size of like a classic refrigerator, and it has a bottom drawer and a top opening swinging door. It has both of those, but it's a freezer. There's no refrigeration aspect. It's all freezing. It's meant to keep meat frozen outside. It's in my garage.

It stopped working at some point. Don't know when. Don't know when. But I'm going to tell you, there's about 85 pounds of deer meat in there. There's a couple of pheasants. There's a whole bunch of British sausage. A few frozen pizzas. A couple bags of ice so you know it's moist.

And it has been in there, rotting and emulsifying and just doing whatever it does for about two and a half months now. And my initial response was to duct tape the fuck out of it shut. Okay? See how good that trash man is okay you know we don't want anybody that trash man is man i don't know what to do like like i it maybe throw it away right now i've had this i've had this happen once before and what we did was we like duct taped it shut wheeled it out of the basement and used a tractor with forks on it to like pick the whole thing up and then carefully drive it way out into the middle of a field and then cut the tape and then up end it and i vomited from

the smell 40 yards away 40 yards away i was bent over vomiting and this has been years back and then my brother-in-law comes over like two months later and sees the deep freeze out in the field and he's like what's that doing it broke what are you gonna do blow it up we're like no that had a bunch of frozen deer meat and burger and a whole turkey and it it rotted and turned rancid he's like well does it still work we're like maybe he went and washed that thing up took it home and uses it i got that's the same guy who ran the pressure washer that guy don don't give a fuck. That's a very industrious guy right there. That guy gets shit done. Me

on the other hand, I'm probably going to find somebody to help me lift that thing up and toss it right into the dumpster because, God, the stink in there. I haven't smelled it, but I've been, I know what is in there and I know what that smells like and it's, I mean, it might as well be a dead body in there. It's 80 or 90 pounds of rotten animal flesh.

It's so disgusting. That's disappointing because it's a lot of wasted meat. Yeah, a lot of wasted meat, right? That's a shame. I ate something. I gave us free meat. So I went power paramotoring in Florida. There was like this fly-in.

Aviator PPG, you guys might remember him. Anyway, he held an event down there, and I'm just sitting, chilling, hanging out with friends, and someone came along with alligator, which I had never eaten. She's like, do you want it? You know, it's alligator. And I was like, it just seemed like a life experience to me. So I had some.

I had a bunch, you know, like. Fried? Yeah, like deep fried kind of yeah but i definitely popcorn chicken yeah yeah yeah but yeah it's good i i i expected to taste like chicken i went into it prepared with the taste like chicken jokes doesn't doesn't taste like chicken uh it's closer to some sort of there's a fish aspect of alligator definitely tasted like fish um but you know not as like fish is a you smush it it turns into some sort of paste or something like flaky yeah this was like maybe fish with the consistency of a chicken yeah i've had it before but i barely

even remember what it tastes like i remember remember there was a dipping sauce, so that was probably making it better. It's more cool that you're eating alligator than like, oh, wow, what a cacophony of flavor in my mouth. Right, right. Yeah, it wasn't like, oh, my gosh, I really need to add alligator to my daily diet. No. Yeah, it's just look at who the real king is here. Yes, apex predator, baby.

Alligator's not going to get me, probably. There were alligators out there so so you launch from this airport that his business is set up on and then there's this big like field there's all these cows all these cows and i'm like okay well i guess you know if it's a gigantic like i'm gonna make up numbers make up numbers, 75,000-acre cattle ranch. There aren't alligators all over it, but there are. People are like, there's alligators and bald eagles, and it was a pretty neat place to fly. Probably not to crash, but definitely cool to fly. No, no, that's an immediate.

Imagine if, like, you fall into, like, a Florida bog. It's not like where you are where you're like, I'm a little wet. It immediately becomes like, oh, fuck, fuck, there's something in here there's something in my feet something touched my foot and you're oh that's my nightmare that is my nightmare is being trapped in like a swamp or even worse in the middle of the ocean somewhere and just knowing that there's some there's some bullshit animal that i have no business being close to that is gonna kill me on a whim just for fun just to try it lasophobia there's a subreddit about that have you been to it lasophobia that's the name of it oh that sounds familiar it sounds like we might have brought this up where you're afraid of deep water or something it's all

it's it's all about the deep it's it's all about fear of the deep dark murky water and what's down there and and there's often photos that show know, the tiny human doing their swimming thing and beneath it is a Kraken who's just the size of a house or something. And it's just sort of this idea that when you're out there in that deep, dark, murky water, that you are no longer on top of the food chain and God knows what could be down there. And that's a very terrifying thing to me. I've had nightmares where I was scuba diving in murky water and went into full panic mode in the nightmare. And just such an overwhelming panic attack-like feeling when I woke up. I'm very afraid of that.

I would much rather fight a tiger than have to fucking go underwater and do battle with something. When I'm out there with a friend, not the slightest bit lasophobic, assuming that's the word. You know, I swam, just nothing, until I could hardly see land anymore, then come back.

I've been surfing hours and hours and hours with a group, no big deal. The moment I'm solo, it sinks in. It's like everything is a shark, every little, you know, like, you're out there, there's waves, you're surfing, you know,

a little white water, like, ripples happen, uh that's understandable when i'm with a group when i'm alone they're all unexplained like sharks like thrashing on the surface and stuff like that it's yeah and i saw somebody got bitten recently that had one of those shark deterring bracelets on so bullshit on that a shark deterring bracelet yeah. So bullshit on that. A shark deterring bracelet. Yeah. Does it just taste bad? Does it say mean things like go away? I don't know if it's chemical. Get out of here.

It's a, I don't know. I would imagine. A picture of a shark with a circle in the line. It didn't work. It's designed to hurt sharks feelings. Just like those gun control signs. Like I can't believe there was a shooting here. It's designed to hurt sharks' feelings. Just like those gun control signs. Like, I can't believe there was a shooting here.

It's a gun-free zone. Right. You put the shark-free zone signs out there on the fucking beach in South Africa. Everybody's shocked when people start getting mauled. Oh, let's talk about the Fort Lauderdale shooting and then get our guest in, I guess, maybe. Okay. Is there any? Oh, he's ready. Okay. Yeah basically uh two days ago three days ago something like that so basically what

happened um this gentleman uh eduardo something another um flew from alaska to uh fort lauderdale, Florida, and he had a handgun checked in his luggage legally. You know, you get there, you say, hey, I have a weapon to declare. They open it up, they look at it, they make sure that it's not, like, locked and loaded, and, you know, they lock it up in a special way. They put it away, and then when you land, you get it back. Well, he got his...

So just to be clear, you can put a gun in your checked luggage, but not your carry-on. That's the rule. Yes, yes. I hope I didn't say carry-on. I don't think so, but I pictured it. So he gets to Florida. He retrieves his weapon.

He goes into a bathroom. He loads it, and then he goes on a shooting spree there at Baggage Claim, you know, where all the carousels are. He killed five people. I believe he injured eight more. When he ran out of ammunition, he placed the weapon on the ground,

waited for the police to come, and a Fort Lauderdale sheriff's deputy arrested him, took him in. He's being very cooperative, telling them what happened and everything. He is a crazy person. He thinks the U.S. government has been making him watch ISIS videos. It's an absolute lunatic. CNN made me – I turned CNN off. They upset me so much over this because, of course, they were like, oh, we need some new legislation.

You can just fly with a gun. You can just freely travel these United States with your weapon. I can't believe this. And it's it they made it seem like you were able to fly and they always do this they twist the facts just like with the gun show loophole right they made it seem as if when you fly in that like it's in your carry-on that you have this thing in the airport just because you went through some sort of uh process. In reality, the place where you retrieve your weapon is not a gun-free zone by any means. It's the first part of the airport that you walk into.

I think the whole airport, you're not allowed to have a gun. Then how do you fly with guns? You've got to get your gun into the airport. Well, actually, you might have got me there. If it's in a checked bag, you can bring guns to the airport. You can bring it right in your box. You're right, but I swear there's signs at my airport that say you can't have guns. You can't carry.

You can't strap yourself. You can't be concealed carrying. But you can certainly transport your weapon into the airport for the purposes of, you know, if you're going on a hunting trip. Let's say, you know, you're going to Alaska to shoot big big game you need your rifle i guess you know you go in with your rifle in a case gun free zone light like you know it's not like a street where i can just carry a gun but it's also not like a mall where i can't have it at all like it's somewhere in between the the the main point though that there is that any legislation that we might put in, let's just say they said, oh, yeah, no more. It doesn't matter because he could have walked right in the front door with anything and everything, anything and everything from his in his bag.

We're all walking in the airport with huge bags, big roller bags. That's what happened overseas in Turkey, maybe with the airport bombing. They had those. I don't want to say the type of explosive, they had those homemade explosive bombs in bags with kill switches, dead man switches, you let go and then it explodes. Those guys roll in with a roller bag in one hand and a gun in the other,

kill as many as they can, and then when someone takes them out, they fall dead and an enormous bomb goes off. You can't stop that. You have to, the only way they're going to stop what happened in Fort Lauderdale, not like it happens every fucking day, right? This is the first time we've ever, ever, ever had something exactly like this happen. The only way to stop that is to go to a system like they have in fucking Israel where the inspection, where the searches begin before you even get to the airport. You're driving down the road.

Well, let's all stop at the stop point right here. Everybody here even get to the airport. You're driving down the road. Whoop, let's all stop at this stop point right here. Everybody here is heading to the airport. They all need to be searched before they start getting into a crowd, getting into a line full of people to start checking their bags. It's too late by that point. I've heard that Israel security is really interesting. First of all, it takes more talent to be an Israeli security guy. They're not the TSA.

Yeah, in America, they just hire some lowest common denominator dude. They give them a tool that gives them x-rays, and they look for shit. We're not exaggerating. I don't know if this is a global thing that globally people are aware. The TSA, the security at our airports in America, the ones who make sure bags don't have weapons in them and that you know we don't have three ounces of liquid or more they are terrible they are mcdonald's level employees and that and i'm not exaggerating i was looking for a descriptor

mcdonald's level is ideal that it's so think about who's working at mcdonald's maybe some i can't even say anything. I feel like I'm bad. But the lowest common denominator stripe of society. The McDonald's staff. That's who's TSA. Unsophisticated, uneducated, dull people. They're people who shouldn't have the authority to ruin entire

vacations for you they shouldn't have the authority over a fucking dog they their authority should stop at tartar sauce i was gonna say i will grant them french fry authority i think that like that's where they should be and so anyway uh what was i saying that oh oh but in israel like they ask telling questions they ask some guy like hey are you Jewish and he says yes and they're like all right where was your bar mitzvah and the guy was like huh that's a pretty clever question because someone who's not Jewish wouldn't be able to like really come up with the snappy answer they know they would it would be I don't think I could like where Taylor where was your bar mitzvah you got one handy uh koresh shalom is that a real

thing no but it was it sounds jewish yeah well if i'm jewish i might see through that yeah but if it was someone from israel they would be like uh yeah you're making that up what do you how do you know because i'm a jew damn spoiled i didn't anticipate you'd know Hebrew better than my fake Hebrew you said that your bar mitzvah was it like chicken feet and that's not a thing but uh anyway you tell some terrible story about how the Palestinians like killed your rabbi

on the day of your your bar mitzvah and how since then you've vowed vengeance against their they'll be like all right fucking stamp fucking like move along so they catch you like miles from the airport they interview you they ask you questions that require some level of thinking they're not all standard questions that you could prepare for um that's that's a big part of their security layer

whereas here it's like hey did someone else pack your bag? Oh, you got me. Like, I can't possibly imagine how to get past this one. It's the illusion of security. That's what we do here. Security theater. Yeah. You know what they could ask? They could be like, what's your favorite American TV show?

Oh. Actually, they probably know that. 24? I like MacGyver. He always finds a way to blow something up, no matter what you give him. Huge fan of 24. Especially the torture.

The power drill. The power drill. Remember that when he broke out the power drill? Tell me where they are! Drilling into his fucking top of his leg. Yeah, you don't want anybody torturing you with a fucking power drill. No, you do not. All right, so we've got Blaze on.

Hey, hey, everyone can see me? Am I good? Yeah. Okay, how are my audio levels? You can hear me all right? Yeah. Okay, perfect. my audio levels? You can hear me all right? Yeah. Okay, perfect. They're good.

So I told everyone to take a close look at what is most likely a better hairline than mine before we started. Yeah, okay. I think you're representing today, man. I got to give it to you. Yeah, I can try. I'll move this over so I'm not looking over to the side. But yeah, I just got it cut It's a little bit shorter than I had for a while. Did you go to actually? No, I did not Get any like lineups on my head, but yeah, I I had my hair pretty long

It was down like around here, and then I had it the same kind of like going back But I just got it just got it cut a little bit shorter so now it's down to like here i have no bravery when it comes to hairstyles i went from just shaving my hair not realizing i looked like a nazi to just now just standard push the hair over guy look i i don't have i just if i tried to do that with my hair everyone be like look at that big-headed asshole look at that idiot over there that owl head like that you just look like a q-tip yeah it looks like a q-tip yeah i don't know how the uh you know how long hair uh yeah i don't know how the the volume look

necessarily works with every every face shape um but i mean, for me, this works. I had it spiked for way too long, and so then I switched over to just kind of growing it out. And eventually it got to the point where it was a weird phase where I realized I shouldn't grow it out anymore because, like, at first I had a goal of this is how long I want my hair to be. And then once I got to that point, I didn't really realize I had already reached the hair goal and then it was kept getting longer and more hard to do I used to wear mine like Kyle's maybe a little shorter on the sides, but basically is combed and

I went to a different barber. I was going to a friend's wedding PK Dan's wedding and She kind of like did this flippy thing in the front and said it was more modern And I've just been doing it ever since that's how it got there mine's a little fucked up i took a nap right before the show when i got up it was like like crazy and i was like ah shit do something i i hadn't cut it in three months before yesterday uh it probably didn't show because i like brush it all straight back but like when i would get out of the shower and like brush straight down. Yeah. That is a long time. That's no joke. It was this long.

My hair was this long and you couldn't even fucking tell. Like my bangs came down to like below my nose when I brushed them straight down. But it was like a whole thing like keeping all – when I would brush it straight back, my bangs went all the way back to the back of my fucking head. Yeah. So I had like this solid thing. I'm starting to look like Mac from It's Always Sunny or some kind of a super villain so i went in yesterday and got a haircut i feel so much better i know i did that in three months and every single pka like screenshot of me it would be like a flip book where it would slowly just like a chia pet grow out does my hair when it

does get long it's so thick and so fucking curly. I just look like an asshole. I hate like, you know how kids like young guys grow their hair in eighth grade when like they want it to be like super long and like shaggy and whatnot. I don't know if that's still in. That was when I was in eighth grade. But yeah, that's a bad look. And it's still, yes, like Hanson.

Exactly. I used to let my, it was down like files. It would reach my nose. And then I surfed a lot. I didn't even realize how much it was impacting me. Like you'd be – there's water pouring across my eyes. I'm blind. Like you open them in the – like you were looking at the nozzle.

And then I got it cut and I was like, holy fuck. I didn't realize I had been blind for like the first three seconds of every ride. And this is – it was like way better. So I've worn it short every yeah yeah I was realizing that it was really sorry I was realizing that it was way too long when like I would be home and I wouldn't want to do my hair and so I'd get out of the shower and to keep it out of my face I would have to like man bun it and when I realized that I could do a man bun that's when it was

this is done yeah that was an affirming moment. That was a crossroads that you took, and you took the right one. Yeah, absolutely. It wasn't like a full man bun either, it was just the front was super long, so it was somewhere in the middle of my head, just up, and I realized if someone rang the doorbell, I would not be able to answer right now because I would not want to be seen. You should have worn the green face mask and learned some traditional martial art like kung fu. Walked around in the gi all the time. Be good luck. Yeah, when I was little, I actually did kempo karate, which from what I've heard with MMA is the least useful, you know, really kind of MMA thing.

What do they call it? Is it jute karate? Is that the one that's like the one that I'm seeing more with this sideways kind of crazy stance and lots of kicks? Is it called jute karate, sport karate, or something like that? I don't know. I haven't heard of that. Is any part of karate good as far as MMA? Yeah, well, that's what I'm saying.

Like, I didn't think it was. But recently I've seen guys that they're referring to it as, I think jute like j-u-t-e karate and there's a couple of practitioners who are impressive and and then it's a it's an entertaining fighting style to watch if you're if you're tired of like the standard boxing slash wrestling stance that goes one of two ways constantly um then when you see somebody like cowboy serrani go out there start throwing kicks you're like oh I got a new favorite and then you see somebody go out there with juke karate you're like oh this is a whole new sport almost and it works it's i like the stylistic stuff but i wanted to talk to um oh uh to uh to blaze about all the wonderful things that he's about and

explain to to our audience why he's here so So Blaze is one of our patrons. He pays 50 bucks a month and he does this hangout with us where we hang out for an hour a month and really just shoot the shit himself and I don't know how many guys there are in there, but I know them all now. We all hang out. We have like a little mini private Skype

session. Let me finish. Okay, please. I'm very excited. Go, go, go. I kind of want to slow it down now. Let it just be a slow burn. Yeah, let's keep it slow. Yeah, that's the problem. That coffee's the problem.

Let's see what's going on here. It could be. I know all the guys that are really in that hangout. One of those guys lent me his graphics card. It's on the way back are really in that hangout. One of those guys lent me his graphics card. It's on the way back to you, by the way. And all those guys are really cool. I know them all fairly well.

But Blaze, this was his first time this past month, and he brought out a talent, and I was blown away. So he showed us his cool talent, and so then we started digging deeper, wanting to know more about him. It turns out Blaze has acted in a few movies. How many is it, three, four, five? So, I mean, acting in, so probably around three that I've done significant acting in.

And you've been like an extra in maybe two or three more? Yeah, maybe like a one-day thing or a couple days. You've sort of rubbed elbows with a couple of Hollywood A-listers from time to time. You had interest. I don't know. Just say yes or no right now. Do you want to tell the story about Tom?

I don't want to burn any bridges with Tom. Okay, I understand that. But I, yeah, I can talk about some other people. You know, Chuck Zito is one that was very interesting for me to meet from Oz. Yeah. So, you know, I can talk about him a bit or some other people. I wanted to get the clearance with you before we started talking about that other guy because I understand burning bridges. I have people like that in my life who I'm not always proud of the things that they might do personally or on the Internet.

But, you know, that's kind of my guy, and, you guy. I got a connection with him. We work together. My experience with Tom has been great. He's been very nice to me. I loved Castaway. I wonder how many people think of Cruz. Oh, you went with Hanks. See, and you ruined it.

No. Oh, you don't... They don't know who it is. I want to know about Chuck Zito. Well, we did it simultaneously. Maybe you ruined it. So Chuck Zito is Chucky Pancamo from Oz. The guy...

When we were talking about Oz, he was the guy that we were bringing up. The Sicilian dude who... More than anybody else in that prison, it was very apparent that he did not care when you threatened him like everybody else like even if it was at a bc you know like hey you want your back at a bc he'd be looking around like if you went up to chucky and we're like hey be careful chucky be like oh i bet buddy oh i'll see you around oh you're real scared but what's he like

is he a pretty scary man yeah so i uh by the way so in just a little bit of a backstory with so i um i'm a full-time actor and magician just for the people that are watching and uh so i'm you know trying to pursue uh you know entertainment as a career but anyway so uh chuck zito uh what was really interesting is that when i first met him i was uh i was i had a scene with him in this movie called house rules and so i i met him for the first time. I was introduced to him. And the person that introduced me to him was one of my mentors, David Gere. And so he introduced me to him, and he said that I was a magician.

And then Chuck Zito's first response was, oh, I'm a magician too. And I said, oh, really? And he said, yeah, I make people disappear. And I was like oh okay because chuck zito actually was like one of the uh the top people in the hell's angels biker gang in real life uh i think especially in the new york sector and so uh so that was kind of freaky just because he is just this this big guy that i know actually you know did that i i knew who he was going into it. So that was freaky. And so then after that, there was another project that we were both a part of. And I ended up having dinner with him. And so we were talking to each other for a couple

hours. And he was a very, very nice guy. And he was telling a lot of stories. And he was hilarious. And he was talking a lot about hanging out with Howard Stern and Bringing him to different different places in New York and hanging out and how he would bring stars to meetings with with the Hells Angels and so that was really interesting and I was taught and I got to perform magic for him and Yeah, very interesting guy and hilarious, but also pretty scary when I first met him Do you want to do a little magic for us sure i could do something yeah i mean um when i was thinking about it beforehand i realized how bad for the people listening on the way to work oh no that's fine magic is but no if you're listening at work then you really should like go to youtube and watch this segment because

this guy can fucking this guy's a goddamn wizard okay if you can't take five minutes out of your day press that whisper sync on your fucking uh uh player and come watch him do some fucking magic then you're you got you got too much on your plate he's a fucking wizard all right he's a magician he's from hogwarts and i don't want to make you nervous, Blaze, but I'm an amateur magician critic. Yes, all right. Self-describe. He doesn't know anything about the mechanics. He just likes yelling insults at people's cards.

The most fun to perform for. I have very, very strong opinions about how it can go. Yeah, that's one of the things is performing for kids. It's interesting because I love i love performing for adults and i craft a lot of my routines i a lot of original magic for adults and the reason that i do that is i go through the thought process of someone that's watching and they'll think oh this is how we did it and then they'll think back and they'll realize that i had already done something that would kind of explain that that's not a possibility and they keep going through their

head until they're they realize they don't know how it's done. And when you perform for a kid, they'll get the first idea in their mind, and then they'll just start yelling the entire time that they know how it's done. And then it just kind of makes the show a lot less fun. And there are people that are kid magicians that really enjoy dealing with that, and they craft their tricks to be great for kids. But it's not fun to perform a lot of my material that I make for adults. Well, Taylor is very religious.

It's an elegant way to tell Taylor to shut the fuck up. Oh, no, no, no, I'm not saying that. How sweet. I'm not saying you're like a kid. That's some fantastic phrasing. Taylor is very religious, and he considers your magic blasphemy. My dark arts. In Missouri, they drug a magician to death last year behind a pickup truck.

Just keep that in mind as you work your wares here. They genocided all doves in the state. Just as an outside chance to keep magicians far away. You know, a lot of times the doves get injured or killed in those tricks. Like the collapsing cage trick when you've got a dove

in a cage and you're like, and the cage is gone and the bird is too. The cage is collapsing and crushing the bird to death and then it's being hidden. Is it really? Is that how they hide the bird? I feel like players do not agree. I've seen the contraption.

There was this whole contraption. This is the prestige. But it's based on a real thing. It's seen the contraption. There was this whole contraption that the – This is the prestige. You have to – but it's based on a real thing. It's a real magic trick. Oh. The prestige didn't just, like, invent some magic for their movie. Like, those old school magicians had, like, undergarments with, like, mechanical shit. Those birds usually die.

Or a lot of the time the birds will hurt people. Not as in – no, what I mean is not pecking, but, uh, uh, one of my friends, uh, David Oliver, who I consider like my two main mentors are David Gear, David Oliver. They're like my, my two David mentors and they, um, one for magic, one for acting and David Oliver, he actually, uh, he was doing the dove act and he was known for the dove act. And then apparently you can, there's a there's a certain kind of disease that you can get from birds. And what happens is that it's basically like particles in the air can bounce off of their droppings. And then if you breathe them in, normally with a regular immune system, you're fine.

But if you have any kind of compromised immune system, I think he got and then he breathed that in and it actually built a fibrosis and he had zero percent usage in one lung and then he had like 10 usage in the other lung and he had to get a double lung transplant it was like this this crazy surgery and so yeah it's insane how dangerous the bird act is and so i shoot doves whenever i see them so i i'm on his team so you're saving lives really all right yes yeah i don't know about that but they're tasty yeah absolutely all right let's let's let's see something here when you were doing this the other day i was just staring at you with such disdain because i couldn't figure out exactly what you were doing okay yeah it upsets me i'll do just like a couple things so like

for example um let's see if i can get myself by the way how many bottles of cologne do you own oh in the background um i have one two uh six uh and i when i was talking to you um with the hangout we were i was talking about how that was the only thing I asked for for Christmas was colognes it was kind of this weird weird obsession of you know how if you get in your recommended videos some topic and then you end up down the rabbit hole

of watching videos that same topic it just suddenly became this weird I spent $400 on Amazon last night I'm familiar yeah it became this weird thing. You know what I got. Okay. I got drunk a few years ago after watching Boardwalk Empire

and spent a couple hundred dollars on Switchblades on Amazon and woke up just, I completely forgot about it because I was drunk and got home from a bar and then a few days later a bunch of Switchblades showed up. Just woke up to Switchblades? Yeah, I can't believe that these just showed up at my house of switchblades showed up. And I'm like, I just woke up to switchblades. Yeah, I can't believe that these just showed up at my house. And then I looked it up and I'm like, oh, these are legal in Missouri. That's handy.

Were you sure that you were the one that had ordered it? Did you remember? Or were you just thinking someone was sending blades to intimidate you? As soon as I saw them, I remembered. I'm like, ah, I remember the scene of that guy peeing on the beach. And then the guy comes up from behind him with a big switchblade and stabs him in the back. And in my head, I'm like, that makes a lot of sense, Taylor.

It makes a lot of sense why you need a couple of those. And then I ordered them. And then I lost all of them. So there you go. Yeah, I mean, when you watch enough of those fragrance review videos, and they tell you that you need to get these certain ones because they're just the most attractive and so one of those back there is the same one that David Beckham wears and it's for $425 for a bottle and you know every day I flip-flop on whether that was a good purchase

no it wasn't I love it what you should have done is use a little slide of hand and just made that that fucking bottle come along with you from a department store or something like that. You'll have to keep practicing. I got the C. I like CK1. Calvin Klein 1. That's my favorite one. I think that girls have always

told me that smells good and I think it's a combination with the deodorant I use. I think they mix together and make a very attractive smell. Currently I'm using Polo though because Wings of Redemption left it at my house, and waste not, want not. Which color Polo? Is the Polo black or red?

Blue. Blue, okay. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, I have the Polo black, but the one back there at Creed Aventus, if you Google that, then apparently it's like everyone that is anything interested into fragrances

is obsessed with that one. They either have it or they really, really want it because apparently it's the most attractive to women fragrance in the world or something. So it's, I don't know. I got, I bought into the, uh,

the mumbo jumbo and I had to, had to get it, you know, I was persuaded in it or something like that. I think it's just a certain blend of smokiness and like pineapple and apple and some kind of blend that are you attracting women or marsupials? Flies. Damn, this shit is good.

My wife is a sucker for Gillette aftershave, which is probably cheap compared to the other stuff. I went to South Georgia on a hog hunt one time. We didn't really know what we were doing, we were doing it Vietnam style, stalking through the woods silently

with semi-automatic SKS rifles and I had at the time, I had very long hair and it was like, it was long and I didn't put anything in it I would just comb it into some sort of like floofy feminine bullshit and I used this coconut shampoo and

conditioner and so my hair smelled like candy and the South Georgia sort of like floofy feminine bullshit. And I used this coconut shampoo and conditioner. And so my hair smelled like candy. And the South Georgia mosquitoes and gnats were around my head in a buzz, in a buzz. I was bringing up the rear and my dad and cousin turned around and went, God damn, oh Lord. And they both like come and start helping me beat the mosquitoes and flies off with their,

everyone's got their respective hats, like swinging them around my head and and i and i and i'm it was awful worst thing ever all right come on blow us away here okay yeah um okay so i'm gonna go through these cards like this can you see them when i go through like that very well yes okay so i'm gonna try and look away so i'm not uh looking at the the screen and I want you to just tell me when To stop anytime while I'm going through stop right there. Yep. Are you happy with that one? Are you wanna? Oh, yeah I like that one. Okay, so I want you to think of that card over and over and over in your head, right? You got it over and over again. Remember? Yes. Okay now I'll try and figure out information about the card now. Normally I would try and guess the card

But since we're through the screen, I'll have to actually find the card. So I can actually check inside my pocket. One card in my pocket. I actually had one. Was yours the Ace of Spades? No? Good. Yeah. What? Yeah.

I know how you did it. He cheated. Yes. There's a lot of cheating going on uh let me make sure that you can um you can see my hands all right how about this um can you just tell me when to stop quickly before you do the trick what he just did there he uh he he flipped his finger through the card so that we could rapidly see them changing i said stop and he stopped on the king of diamonds uh then he continued to shuffle the cards and then told could rapidly see them changing. I said stop and he stopped on the king of diamonds. Then he continued to shuffle the cards and then

told me to think about my card and then he reached into his pocket and pulled out the king of diamonds somehow. It was in his fucking shirt. It was in his coat pocket. I didn't see him mess with his shirt. Giving him a good shuffle, fanning them out for us, letting us know that they're mostly there. I just want to make sure that you can see the

fronts and the backs. They're and the backs so there's not like 52 king of diamonds you know that would be not good okay so how about this could you just tell me when to stop while I'm going through these cards stop okay do you want the king the Jack of the four cuz I there's a delay so the jack the jack okay the jack of spades see it it? Yes, I see it. Okay. Now, what we'll do, we'll take the jack of spades and I'll trap it into the deck. And you know, what's kind of interesting is that

you did pick a spade. And the box the cards come in is red, but the one thing that's blue on this is the spade. So if I want the spade in the deck to match this spade, which just looks like this, ready? 1, 2, 3

and now all the cards should now be blue so now every card in the deck should be blue but where did the red ones go? well except for one and you remember yours, correct?

I do. The Jack of Spades. And then the rest are all blue. He showed us the cards. He shuffled the deck. He selected a card in the middle. Then he showed us the deck front to back. And I didn't pay too much attention to it,

but it was a red deck of cards, as we all know that they're either red or blue of their bicycle cards then he turned the deck back around and shuffled a bit more and then quickly with No deception that I noticed turned them all to blue You cannot have you cannot have one red card in a deck of blue So if I go through the hand once and through the hand twice then we should have another blue card and now all of the cards would be he took a single card and rotating it in his hands i never lost sight of at least one part of the card uh he changed the color of the card and i don't mean the suit i mean he changed it from a red card to a blue card

i like this trick because like it's one thing to palm a single card. Like, I've got, I've tried to do it. I suck at it. I can't fool anybody. But, you know, I know the idea is a whole deck. Like, I don't know where that went. Yeah, and oh, in case anybody's wondering about the faces, yes, they are all different faces. They're not, like, red on one side and blue on the other.

Yeah. Yeah, this isn't this, that, and the other. are you familiar with that trick yes i am familiar that was the first trick i ever learned that's the first trick i ever learned not and it's the only trick i ever learned and i got so goddamn slick with it that i did it at a poker game and they wouldn't let me deal afterwards and there and there's not a whole lot of like trickery in that i couldn't really utilize those the that, and the other trick to cheat. And I certainly never would because you'd get your ass kicked. But they saw me do this, that, and the other, and they wouldn't let me deal. I still have it in my wallet.

Look at that. You're the man. I made my own too. Very cool. Yeah. Yeah. That was the first trick I learned. Well, now that you know that there's another card, it kind of ruins the ending, doesn't it?

None of these guys. But I'm the only one who knows. I've only learned one magic trick ever that was BS. And even then, when I learned it, I couldn't get it right most of the time. And so usually it was like half of the trick was me being like, can I actually do magic? Like, can I will this to work right now? No, fuck. Damn it. It's not your card. Not even close.

It's such a good finisher, though. It's just like, you know, you learn in life that sometimes you get a little bit of this, a little bit of that, but not much of the other. And it's like, holy shit. This guy has been going through three cards in his hand for like 45 seconds at least if you're doing the trick fast, and he hid a card from me the whole time and the whole time you're just showing them the three cards you're you're turning them over and flipping them up and you're just it's it's a cool trick and it's an easier trick to learn i think

with practice absolutely yeah i actually when i was in when i was in uh fourth or fifth grade i think it was the summer before fifth grade that that was when I started getting interested in it. And I, the way that I started wasn't with the magic kits, or wasn't with the books, it was really just in front of a mirror, practicing magic, trying to, you know, make it happen. And it's actually kind of interesting, because now, you know, I still do a lot of that kind of practicing, you know, I've got like a three way mirror, you know, and so I'll practice in front of that and just keep trying to come up with things and that was how i started so it gave me a very unique style that i've kind of run with ever since uh but that trick was one of the first ones that i ever saw uh like it popped up on the home page online i think it was like on

the front page this video and then i actually saw it and then i figured it out when i when i saw it in like fourth grade and then i uh i actually uploaded a video my one of my first videos on youtube in like fourth grade uh with me teaching how to do it a different way because i thought that i had come up with a better way i might have seen that i might have seen that because i was obsessed with that trick i uh I definitely watched more than one video on that trick. Yeah, I deleted the video a long time ago, but yeah, it was me showing like, you could do it with this totally different method instead because then you can make it happen in the other person's hands. Because that's my whole style. The reason that I love close-up magic, I mean, I have a stage show, which is very different,

but the reason I love close-up is because you can make it happen in someone else's hands. And pretty much all my tricks I've made to work in someone else's hands, and that's my favorite thing. Yeah, that's awesome. Let's see some more stuff. You showed us one the other day where – I don't want to give anything away, but you moved a card right before our eyes. There was a card in one hand, and quickly it was over here. Oh. It's more of a little flick. Like a slight of hand thing? It's more of the finisher of a trick

than a trick in its own right. I know what you're saying. So this one isn't really this one's basically like just a slight of hand kind of demonstration. When I'm doing this and someone asks me is everything you do slight of hand? This is kind of how I'll answer that question. Where I'll say that there are parts of magic that are sleight of hand. There are parts of magic that are a lot based on just presentation.

Like, for example, if you tell me when to stop while I'm going through. Stop. Stop. Got it? Yep. Do you want to change it or are you happy with that one? I'm happy with that one. Okay.

So if I want to find the selected card, I have to guess about where it might be somewhere in the middle. So name a number around 26 because that's halfway. So it could be like 25, 24, something a little higher, whatever. Name a number around 26, 27. So that would be a little bit more than halfway. So that would be like this one. There you go.

So that would be just a pure sleight go so that really that would be you know just a pure sleight of hand but then i'll do it um so let me let me tell the audience what you just did but it's just a bunch of tens he uh no it's not he ruffled through the deck uh he stopped on he ruffled through the deck he uh he stopped on the card that that we selected it was the ten of diamonds and then he began to shuffle the deck in a couple of different ways. And then he cut the deck with one hand. I'm sure most people are probably familiar with that. And

mid-cutting the deck mid-hand with one or two fingers, he threw the card across the table from one hand to the other, caught it, faced down, and then revealed that it was our Ten of Diamonds. Very slick. I feel like the trick itself is, no offense, but I

feel like it's probably simple what you're doing to move the Ten of Diamonds to where you want, but your sleight of hand flick thing there, that takes practice, I'm sure. Well, I mean, this is the difference between sleight of hand and what a magician does, okay?

So, like, for example, tell me when to stop any time. Stop. Got it? Yes. Do you want to change that one? Are you happy with that one? That's good. Okay, so, for example, if I wanted to do the same trick and make the card appear, you can actually do it invisibly instead. Yeah, I caught that one.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. You're excellent, though. I really enjoy watching it. What a great party trick. You're 17, aren't you? Well, it's my job. It's not necessarily a party trick. I think everybody else knew it. Does this work with girls? I'll phrase it that way.

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Do you find that this is like compared to the other 17 year olds he could do the bra like a master right like you see a good looking girl that you want to approach you don't have anything do you ever break out the magic as an icebreaker just just hey you want to see a trick yeah yeah absolutely um would you say that that has a high a high uh success rate with uh with like meeting people and everything like that yeah i uh when it comes to you know what i'm asking uh yeah i think that um it's an amazing icebreaker you

know it definitely sets you apart it makes it it makes you different um and but it's watch you and be like watch i'm putting the condom on you can and then and then you they realize this guy's not wearing a condom he's like the whole time if you look here it's interesting because uh there's two sides to that because magic i think uh teller from penn and teller when he said something that magic is just spending way more time on something than anyone would ever expect. And it's really, especially because a lot of the stuff that I just showed you is not my own, because the things that I create, I gear towards putting in someone else's hands. And it's less magical when it's over a screen.

Can you say what that means, putting it in someone else's hands? So, for example, if I gave you a deck of cards and then it disappeared inside your hands you know and i walked away and i would or if i so like for example a trick that i do that um that some other magicians do but i have my own version of it and it makes it more um interactive with the the audience member is um is any card at any number if i have someone name a card name a number and then the card that they named is at that number like if they deal down that number and a lot of magicians will do that where they deal the cards and then there is a method that's that's been created more recently where it's inside the uh the spectator's hands the audience member's hands and then my goal is always to take whatever I can think of

and try and make it crazier so that it would fool me if I saw it and then just work hard on it to make that happen. And so the way that I took that trick was, instead of having it just be in their hands, what if they were able to shuffle the cards right before and then the cards have never left their hands and I tell them to name the card name the number they deal Down to that number and the cards there. Yeah, that would fool me

That seems impossible in my head and that's why I worked on it for months and months and months and made it happen And that's that's one of the tricks that I'm working on, you know trying to market and sell and I'm gonna film and have that Yeah, I like it tricks. Yeah There's a big market for... So a while back, Taylor, do you remember we watched David Blaine on the Jimmy Fallon show? The finale. Yeah, where he drank the fish. Well, before he drank the fish, he did three, maybe four card tricks. One of those card tricks was yours.

Is that correct? So that was actually, I think that was two stories that kind of got fused into one that I was talking about. One of the tricks that he did was any card at any number and he did his own version of it but what i was trying to explain is that i have created my version of any card at any number which has the added aspect of them shuffling the cards and so they the if i were to do that performance i would have been able to hand the cards over to jimmy have him the cards, and then name a card, name a number, and then him be able to deal down.

And the version that David performed was different. He didn't shuffle the cards and things. I'm not saying that his version was bad. I'm just saying that the one that I'm looking to sell is the same style of trick, like the same ending, just a different... A whole other level up.

How much does a trick sell for? What did you say? How much does a trick sell for like i have no concept of what it could be worth um so it totally depends i mean what i um what i've been thinking about is uh some magicians will just publish what their thoughts are in like a magazine like in a magic magazine and just write up what their idea was that way they can say it was their idea without really making a profit off of it and not really like selling it. But what I've also thought about, there are some websites where you can film it

and then have it be an instant download or people can buy DVDs online of it. So I prefer the instant download. I'd like for the stuff that I've created. I've also created different sleight of hand moves where basically with one hand, I would be able to do what a lot of people would consider just a two-handed move,

which is, I mean, I don't really want to name stuff because it would probably give things away. But just the idea of any card that someone names i would be able to um with one hand steal out of the deck in less than a second and make it appear anywhere and that's something that no one's really ever done with one hand and so that kind of stuff i'm looking to sell um and they they have certain websites where you can do online downloads like instant download where you just pay like 7.99 or 8.99 for the video or maybe 15 dollars for the video depending on what it is uh it's a really long one then you can it would be

more when you sell a trick is it like are you like i feel like you could sell it to someone like if i bought one of your tricks i feel like i just wouldn't be good enough at sleight of hand. Like, maybe if I practice as much as I can, I'm just not good enough at that. Like, it seems like even if you buy the trick, you still have to be really competent in order to pull it off for a difficult one, you know? Yeah, the stuff that I would be selling

would be very, very hard. And there are some tricks that are very beginner tricks. If you wanted to learn this, that, and the other, you can learn that well enough to like get laid in five hours of practice well no i want to sell this pull my finger off you see i've seen that one before i'm afraid um so i wanted to ask you this so david blaine has this has this has this really specific he's got his own style he does a lot of performance stuff there's

some camera stuff that adds to trickery but then there's the things that he's doing that are just real when he stands in the block of ice he's really in that block of ice there's no fucking like magic there.

The, the, the Brett, are you, have you seen his Ted talk about when he held his breath for, I believe 17 minutes? Yes, I have.

Yeah. And that was totally real. That wasn't, that is totally fucking real. And I, I've said it before. I'll say it again. It,

my favorite Ted talk is, is David Blaine explaining how he came up with the idea, went through the genesis of finding ways to fake it, ways to cheat it, and then finally came upon ways to do it. Because there are those deep sea divers who do those crazy, they stand on their head and do these breathing exercises to hyper oxygenate their blood. They learn to slow down their metabolism, their heart rate, slow down their body functions. But then in the end, and I swear to God, watch

this thing. It made me cry. It made me cry listening to David Blaine talk about how bad he wanted this. And at at the end the part that really touched me was that people said it was fake and and and after hearing him explain everything that he did and the pain and the torture and the anguish and the multiple year journey that it was for him to accomplish this feat to then be called fake. And, like, it hurt me. Like, it made me feel so bad for him. I thought it was fake until you told me, because he did too well. Like, 17 minutes?

If you told me, hey, someone held their breath for 17 minutes, it's in the Guinness World Book of Records, you'd be like, oh, there's some chicanery going on. That's ridiculous. Like, you can't do that for more than, like, 10 minutes. No way. That's the thing that got me, too the common thought david no idea normal person if you told me that hey the person who's best on earth at holding their breath just also happens

to be a bit of a trickster he didn't break the world record as far as i know i had it in my head yeah so yeah so what's interesting oh but even so just if you said hey there's a guy he's a bit of a trickster says he can hold his breath for 17 minutes i'd be like oh probably a trick like he does tricks for a living it just yeah he's the least credible person for something like that that there could be yeah that's true yeah but isn't it it's interesting because uh there are different thoughts on what magic should be and uh so if you listen to Penn Jillette from Penn & Teller, he'll talk about how in his show,

he really likes the idea of making it so that it's a celebration of life and how they're not really in danger. In any of the stunts that they do, there's no danger going on. It's a celebration of the fact that you know going into it that everyone's safe and that it know going into it that everyone's safe and that it's going to work out right. And then you get to have that feeling of uncertainty

where those lines of disbelief and reality start to fall away. But you know at the beginning and at the end that what was done was fake and I tell you that. And that's why my thoughts on escape artists are really interesting because an escape artist they'll have a show at 12 o'clock and then a show at 2 p.m. I mean you know you they survived the show at 12 so I mean obviously like they're gonna make it out alive because they've done it hundreds of times but David Blaine he'll do real magic and then he'll also do real stunts and he'll put them in the same special and now people that go to his shows really don't know what was magic and what wasn't magic and so some magicians don't like that idea some magicians really think it's a genius idea of kind of doing

real stunts and making it so that audiences don't know what uh what's reality and And they feel almost a little bit uncomfortable in that. They realize how easy it is to be lied to, how easy it is to be deceived, because they don't know what's actually happening, what's not. So I don't know what's happening. Do you like that style a lot of mixing the two? I mean, I don't really do any stunt style stuff. And I love the idea of people knowing that what I'm doing is fake. Because you can get to a point where people start thinking that you have powers.

And thinking that you can do things that are really, really impossible. And I don't want people to think that. I want people to think that I put a lot of work into making this happen. And I want them to have moments when I'm performing when they think this is absolutely impossible because it's in their hands you know that's the craziest stuff is when it's in their hands but I the idea of telling people that I can do more you know I have the ability to do things that are impossible that that kind of you know makes me a little uncomfortable because I don't I don't want anyone asking me for lottery numbers and depending on me you know so the pen and teller again this is

on the uh breath holding thing i don't know if it's real or not like i can't i'm not it's not qualified kyle watched him and believed his show the ted talk i get that i watched pen and teller and they said this is a trick he didn't really hold his breath that long the hardest part about this stunt i couldn't do it he couldn't do it is looking good with your shirt off for 17 minutes and that burned into my head I was like yeah yeah that is hard to do I haven't seen I haven't seen Penn and Teller talk about uh David Blaine's thing I I know that David in his TED talk talked about how he couldn't do it just by holding his breath there's a special like substance that's extremely high in oxygen,

that's extremely high in alcohol. That wouldn't help. You're just getting hammered. I really fucking hope this works out. You're just blacking out, walking into the tank. At one point, he was looking into inserting this rebreathing apparatus into his respiratory system like hoses

and some sort of CO2 scrubber fucking in his lung air passage way so that he's breathing inside himself, right? He'd be like exhaling into one tube and like breathing the clean air

back, like scrubbing CO2 within his own body with an incredibly uncomfortable apparatus. And they show him trying to put this thing down his throat and it's like a fucking, it looks like a washing machine hose or something. It's like, dude, this ain't gonna work. You gotta start doing some breathing exercises or something. I saw it too, Kyle, but I saw it, I think, a long time ago.

So I don't have the same memory of it that you do. He actually messed up on Oprah. Four years? I don't know, three years. I think he talked about in his TED Talk how he did the same thing on Oprah. He was going to try and break the world record. And he blacked out like 16 minutes in. So he didn't make it.

But then he did it again. He actually made the 17 minutes and then he he blacked out after so it counted but then um what happened was someone immediately broke the record again after him so he's so it was like briefly he had it for if i remember the ted talk correctly he had it for like a day or two and then someone it's like some lobster diver in jamaica who's just waiting for him to get a new record so you can be like no we're gonna go to the states and break it again yeah gonna beat it you know was it a uh soviet pole vaulter who like set the world right i don't

remember his nationality but there was this uh this pole vaulter he breaks the world record right for the highest pole vault and then every year subsequently he'd break it by as small an increment as he possibly could because he got the big bonus for breaking the world record again so for years he he's his business is breaking his own world record by an inch he did it for years and kept taking that like oh new world record i don't know what the bonus is you know 80 000 rubles all right 32 this is gonna work all right dude this is like there used to be this thing called king of the web do you guys remember king of the web yeah yeah yeah website that held a popularity contest i don't remember what it was and if you

won it you got seven thousand dollars and second place would be like $500 and third place was $300. Did people donate to charity or was it just for you? Yeah, I did. But some people also kept the money. And Boogie, who wasn't blowing up on YouTube at the time like he is now, he wasn't in a spot to give the money away. So I remember the first time I did it, I won and and I went up against Boogie, and I think he got second place. And so Boogie was able to do it again, whereas I'm, like, ineligible for a year. And if I remember right, he didn't even win the second time.

He didn't win the third time. But he won, like, the fourth time. And I'm like, man, you know, in the big scheme of things, Boogie really kicked my ass, right? Because I got seven grand. I gave it away. He got, like, 500, 300, 500, 500, seven grand i gave it away he got like 500 300 500 500 seven grand and it's like well fuck he kept all of it right i remember when that thing happened and uh and like maybe the first person kept the money but then like i don't know the fan

group at large decided that that that the guy who wins King of the Web shouldn't profit from it at all. And there was this massive socialist, communist fucking opinion thing that swept across it. And so it died. That's what fucking happened. It died. I was

like, well, I'm not going to do it then because I could have won it. I could have fucking won it anytime I wanted to. I could have had a seventh white boy one i like eight times bigger than him at the time 10 20 yeah they treated it the same way as like nba all-star game or whatever they all get like 10 12 grand or whatever and they all just end up giving it to charity or whatever because all those guys are worth like 50 million dollars and they were acting like that was that wasn't just king of the web that was a lot of different contests where they're like oh do you really need that money and it wasn't like we were in the poor house certainly no but but i

still place quite a bit of value on seven thousand dollars probably not much less than what any listener out there places on seven thousand dollars so when you win a contest and you get seven grand you don't want to give it away like sure altruism is a wonderful thing charity is a wonderful thing but don't force me to like give away my winnings at the gunpoint of shame don't tell me that if i if i for some reason keep some of this or all of it because it is my winnings that i have to give it away as soon as they said that and it became clear that it was a faux pas to keep the money i was like i want no part of this like they kept contacting us i was like no you ruined your own contest by involving this charity thing now it's now it's a bullshit contest like like nobody wants any part of this and let's

just now it's a really good person award and let's's just say they're king of the web. King of the web. Your whole business model is based on all of us popular YouTubers pumping tens of thousands of people worth of traffic to your ad-served website. You're turning a profit on this. You're eking me out seven grand off the top that I have to fucking give away. Meanwhile, you're probably profiting three or four or five times that, and you're sticking it right in your fucking pocket. I know King of the Web wasn't doling out seven grand every time there was a winner to give to this or that or this or that.

And again, nothing wrong with altruism, nothing wrong with giving to charities. I just don't like it when it's at the threat of shame. It's like either you do this or you're a bad person it's like no if i don't do it i'm a person if i do do it i'm a good person you you can't you can't apply you can't apply that kind of at the time was this like if you were to ever admit you made videos in an effort like with a profit motive then you were a bad person right you had the youtube was this like you couldn't be a money whore that was a thing that was a big deal on that thing though like so i ended up i gave all my seven

grand to charity and um then shortly afterwards i entered the dancing contest and that thing was a lot more than seven grand i think first place was 25 grand but i also got like appearance fees on top of that and um uh there were a handful of people like you know you're gonna give this away you gotta give this away you gotta and i'm like no i'm gonna pay off my house i gave the other one away you guys can relax yeah you know like i think yeah you know my conscience is clear and that's it seems almost similar to like the um like the what is it virtue signaling kind of stuff where it's like people are saying like look at me you know because i'm i'm gonna be you know giving away and anyone that doesn't give away is a bad person that you know you gotta think of me as such a great person where they do

the thing like you know not everybody has to give it away it's just something i personally feel compelled to do you know if you don't more power to you maybe you're a piece of shit who am i to say like but not everyone can be a good person, you know, Franco did that, but I thought he did it really. He's like basically Philly D's speech on it was look, I'm giving it away.

I, you know, it's what I can do. Not everyone's rich like me. So give him a break. And I was like, ah, I like your message.

You know, like I'll take that. And he was defending the king of the web people that didn't give it away because some of them you know it meant a lot yeah i i didn't like that thing at all i hate that i i hate when people tell you what to do with your fucking money and and uh especially when they would always come up with some bullshit charity like like that's your passion bro like like make your thing might be uh you know uh ALS or it might be breast cancer because of a family experience. We all have causes, diseases, wrong things in the world that we're passionate about. Don't act like yours has to be mine.

If you're so fucking passionate about, like, Nigerian mine victims with with one leg then you're the one who should be donating you then you start running for king of the web you win the seven grand and then you give it to those hobbled bastards it's fucking call it the ihop campaign i don't care but i want to keep mine and i want to put it in the bank campaign the other one that i don't like a lot is uh when they want to do some kind of fundraiser, and their strategy is to have me do the fundraiser. Now, I'll get that much as I used to. But it was like, hey, we're doing a 24-hour gaming charity.

Are you free for 24 hours on March 13th or something? I'm like, wait a minute. How am I on this thing now? Now, suddenly, I'm doing your thing for you? You're not really even doing it. Yeah, I'm available but not free. Yeah, and to the right, I gave my money to write Love on Her Arms, which is like an anti-depression suicide thing.

Yeah, a really good one. Yeah, it was really small too. So I felt like the seven grand meant more to them than it did Red Cross. And since then, I've seen it pop up here and there like i was riding my motorcycle last week and i saw like a to write love on her arms bumper sticker on some random person's car and i was like i wonder if this thing went further than it ever would have you know because of that little seven grand i gave you know like it they wrote me like a personalized letter they're like oh my gosh imagine our shock when we saw this sum, etc., etc.

I was like, oh, so they're not getting this every day. Yeah, you filled the coffers that year. Good on you. I'm glad you picked that one. That was a good one. Let me tell everyone a bit about Squarespace. This episode of Painkiller Ready is being brought to you by our friends over at Squarespace. Whether you need a domain, a website, or an online store, make sure

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you try ever again. A lot of people could use that same concept in life, that little motto. There's a lot of unhappy marriages out there that could have been solved if they did it the jack threads way. That's the new mail order bride system that I'm setting up. Normally when you get a mail order bride, you're really sealing

the deal. This Slovakian lady shows up at your house, die in a dime year and you know you gotta just fucking sign the certificate right then and there and you got her whether she can use a mop or not her knees might be blown out a woman with bad knees can't scrub scrub worth a damn dwight shrew taught me that so i'm thinking we need a mail order bride system where you try it before you buy it and if you don't like her, they'll send a box, some packaging tape, just wrap her up, tie her up, throw her back,

send her back to Slovenia, Slovakia, or wherever she came from. And you get a brand new Slutvana or Ivana or whatever in a month. Slutvana? Slutvana? I like that. I feel like he's projecting there's a good thing happening there. Fix the job. That's a good name.

I like that one yeah well maybe not for your wife you know or actually fuck it you should go for the younger one slut vonka vonka slut vonka she just changes her name when she's married

classy vonka I'm fascinated by the whole concept of the mail-order bride. You know, it seems like a good deal, right? I think you could get yourself a really good-looking lady. She's bilingual, right? In case you need to speak Turkmenistani sometime around the way. An adventurous risk-taker.

Yep. And I feel like a lot of those chicks are really happy to be here. She steps out of wherever. She's milking the cows one day, getting beaten up by the street toughs on her way to the electricity store. And then the next thing she knows, she's here in the U.S. Yes, the old East Block. Electricity stores. She gets her light bulbs charged up.

She's walking on down to the electricity store, maybe riding her horse or whatever, or goat, I suppose, depending on what region she's from. She comes here to the good old U.S. of A. I got electricity just pouring out of holes in the wall. She's blown away by that. There's no shit on my floor, not a bit. No goats live in my house. That's blown away by that. There's no shit on my floor. Not a bit. No goats live in my house.

That's a huge upgrade. There's lube everywhere, but that helps you get around. You just fucking glide. It's a bit of a workout. I really feel like the mail order bride adds that adventure aspect to her personality that you don't find regularly.

Here you see a girl on Tinder who's gone hiking and you think, yeah, this is a chick who gets out and about. But a mail-order bride's got that times 10. Yeah. And you can get some super fucking hot smoking chicks. And, you know, you can get whatever kind you want to be a bit crass about it. Like if you want a Filipina woman who's really small and tiny

and has a certain look you can get her you could totally get a japanese girl or you get a taiwanese girl or you get one of those eastern europeans you get some fucking five foot ten blonde like badass chick that's like borderline perfect she may have the personality of fucking vladimir putin and she's always wanting to borrow your laptop for a little alone time so she can email her boss back home but come on it's a good deal i think they're cheap too i think for like three grand you get like like a like a an eight or nine out of ten hot chick who will just look at your house and be your mate. Forever? They just show up and they just give you their three grand? They just want a green card!

I think Taylor might be saying you do pay for the rest of their life. Is that what you were getting at? You are going to be bankrolling the whole process. Prenuptial agreement, and if things go bad, she can go back to Slovakia. Or Slovenia, or wherever

we got her from. I see this as a no brainer. Let me let me just find out how much is mail order. Is there a return policy? Of course, there's a return policy. How much does a mail order bride cost? Is that a legal is it legal or is this an illegal thing realistically let's take a look at this well that's a high-end uh establishment okay i i'm

not looking for any fancy ladies with all of their teeth okay it's it's it's better if they don't have them quite frankly so let's go to one of these. RussianCupid.com I'm going to check this out. I'm going to look for a Russian one. That might help me with my show. You know, maybe roll her out every now and then. Let's see.

Russian Brides for Sale. Okay. Ah, Alyssa. Elena. Svetlana. S, Alyssa. Elena. Svetlana. She's 37. She's a little... You know what I mean.

30 here. Come on, Svetlana. Some of these are a little rough. I'm not going to lie. But I bet if you dig deep in the big barrel of apples that is mail order bride bitches, you'll find a few shiny red ones, okay? Ella is concerning.

Her bio is, dear me, what am I doing here? It sounds like something she would scrawl on the inside of her cell wall. Oh my God. I don't know if this is a dating site she wrote that on toilet paper rolled it up and stuck it in a hole in the wall this is some weird kind of tinder man where's oh dear what am i doing here some of these aren't bad are you is anyone else on russiancupid.com yeah i'm on it um ella is she on the right left she's uh she was on the

first page under russian dating you click on russian dating and then you scroll down god damn some of these aren't what about vera there she's 24 from saint petersburg she's looking for a male 29 to 41 for marriage she's okay looking she's like a 7. Yeah. In the face. Can't see much else. I mean, Victoria's a bit past her prime, quite frankly. Okay, well, this person did not set up their profile correctly because their name is High. But it says, For a long time, the sole purpose of my life was self-destruction.

Ooh. That turns me on. I like that. Could you link me to that one? Because that's exactly what the fuck I'm looking for. Yeah, here's the, uh... Got something in common? Oh, we're gonna bond. Yeah. It'll probably be real bonding, not totally fake and contrived. Because she's afraid of going back to a gulag. Put the pretty ones in the gulag.

I'll be honest, I'm having a hard time finding one pretty enough that I would spend $1,500 to get over here. I linked that yeah, this has got like a dog in the picture But it's just the dog's ass and the dog is so weird-looking that it might just be an enormous rat You know what I bet there's a huge influx of mail-order brides murdering their husbands I bet that is a much higher rate than the norm out there i would wager maybe every now and then you'll find some porno and it's like mail-order bride taking the dick and it's like damn she picked the wrong guy like tatiana says she's just in search of something well i think she's gonna to get something. She's going to find something, all right.

Yeah, this probably... How do you sign up for this website? What happens? Does your agent just show up one day and be like, oh, I'm sorry, Jody. Or I guess it's not sorry, congratulations, your number got called and someone paid for you. So you're hopping this shipping container.

Are we sure that this is for people that are outside of russia to find people in russia yeah it says we'll relocate country oh okay kenza might be lying about her age she doesn't know 27 to me oh i'm changing to uh search by young you can search by teen i'm hoping these girls are 18 i'm look I'm clicking teenage in the hopes that they're 18 and 19. I'm clicking it.

Alright, they are. Alright. Everybody knows. You're listening here. This is the page you want. I'll link to you guys. I'm not saying that these girls are necessarily top tier or the one you'd want to go for, but these are the ones who are of the correct

age if you're buying a woman. This is safe for work. I can share it when I click on this? Yes. These are all like Facebook profile photos. It's just you know, women's faces looking into a camera with a bit of fear in their eyes, let's be honest. Kyle, they're not

all winners. No, but they're all under 20 years old jessica is frightening i mean jessica clearly is missing a chromosome okay we'll ignore her that's the first one i clicked on do you guys mind if i read uh if i want too many can i read jessica's uh bio real quick? In her accent? Yes, please. What does this mean? I will give all the dialogue books first. Ardent this porthole. Meet word and faith.

So dialogue books show me life. Meet word and loyalty. Girls who are look for accomplished person. Find peace near mature men. Mature partner much more experienced and open to new spirituality. Who is ready to encounter and corresponding line. Is amenable and peace of mind give a sense security stability. A man finds a sense of pride troubleshooting underscore underscore NL underscore underscore topic in company with young wife.

I'm not going to read the rest because it's really gone off the rails but this person needed one nobody there's no there's no editor on this site where they could go through and be like you really someone got to edit this for you because nobody's picking you it's so bad i'm pretty sure it's not google translate right i think that's actually yeah her level of english whereas if it were better that might be tried really hard for that vibe. That's the Russian Google Translate. They don't have Google. That's been blocked.

Have you guys ever seen the Google Translate sings? The fucking translation. She's using Rubel. Have you guys ever seen the Google Translate sings? Where they take a song and they put all the lyrics in Google Translate and then just translate it to a bunch of lyrics and then put it back in English and then sing the song with the new lyrics? I saw that. And then it just doesn't mean anything.

It's crazy. It was a good one. They used YouTube and basically two people had a short conversation and then they had it again using the Google Translate and then they had it again and again. They went through like five or six iterations until it made no sense whatsoever all right so this chick is a d-cup she's got a 40 inch bus 26 inch waist 41 inch hips she she's got earrings that's her only body art I think her says her best features are her No children. That's good. Let's see. Wavy hair. She's in Moscow. She's 19 years old.

She's looking for a man 18 to 33. Do you have her picture? This says she's currently living in South Korea. Yeah, she's Korean. Yeah. Her picture's not popping up South Korea. Yeah, she's Korean. Yeah. Her picture's not popping up for me. Me too. I don't have the picture either.

Let me see if I can find the picture. If I can just get it. That's lame. It's not stuck to the profile. She was a pretty Korean girl. Much better looking than some of these other girls. Some of these just look like victims of something. Probably this website. I mean, some of these just look like victims of something. This lady looks like... Probably this website.

I bet I could purchase this lady and just be her agent in the UFC. I'm just... I'm now, you know, a fight promoter for Mishka, the destroyer. I'm wondering now. What? I saw this picture and I just did not she's not attractive

and I'll prove it if you click her second picture where she's in the snow with red hair she looks like who was that director you know that director Guillermo del Toro who always makes those terrifying like fanciful monsters she looks like she is the human, like, offspring of one of those.

Her profile says, also, I am a zittle kazy. It's a zittle kazy. Wait, a zittle kazy? Yeah, you're my best. This one says under appearance, it says attractive, and it also says under appearance attractive for the other one but one of these that is a lie but also what are the other options other than attractive on here like i think that might be the only option they're trying to sell here you know my appearance is unattractive yeah i am homely yeah Very good with plow.

I will fight for our family and for our bread. It's hard to find a good looking 18 year old here. Or a good looking girl period quite frankly. Because none of these girls are 18. A lot of them have resting bitch face. A couple of them look afraid quite frankly.

Like they're at the very beginning of one of those scary videos where you have to watch someone slowly get murdered in the woods. And some of them just look like fake pictures because there's like a lot of white blur on this. It's like overexposed. I agree with what you're saying. And it's funny because my mind's eye, when you walk through Russia or like Eastern Europe, they're all very pretty, high cheekbones, model type girls.

And that does not describe the ones that put themselves up for mail order brides. Yeah, I'm going to look for some Thailand mail order brides because I feel like they've got a bigger pool to go from. And oh man, this is a winner. And I'll tell you how I know. As soon as I got to their website, they got a picture of a creepy, ugly Caucasian American man with a pretty fucking nice

Thailand-y chick. And she looks happy. She's glad to be there. I mean, if the bar is set that low... Running water. Nice to meet you, Trump-a-son. You should, like, slap stuff out of your hand. You get the cholera if you do not boil first.

No, you won't. It's fine. I got Brita. Brita-roo? How do you work a Brita-roo? Did you log in to see him? Back on the Russian Cupid, did you see the body style? And it says, few extra pounds. That's her body style. They're still in the age, but that's a good thing.

It shows that her father has many acres of potatoes. I like these pictures. This isn't necessarily what we're trying to do, but these are success pictures. These are pictures of guys who have gotten mail-order brides, and it's a picture of them sitting next to each other really awkwardly most of the time. In one case, even holding what i'm going to imagine is

like the wedding documentation slash certification certification proliferation proliferation proliferation god i hate it i couldn't remember that look at these pictures i mean some of these people are i think the thing to appreciate most is just the mismatch between the guy and the girl. Now, this second one's not too big a mismatch, really. Agreed. The first one, the third one, the fourth one. I feel like all these guys are punching up. The last one on that page looks pretty creepy. When you go to this website, the lady looking at you is looking at you like,

oh, you don't fucking belong here. Yeah, like if this were a video, she'd be blinking out torture like those fucking Korean POWs. There's a next page to look at more. I don't get this review. Just checking if she had signed back in LOL.

He's just checking in to see if she's cheating to find another husband. That's their success story. It's going pretty well. I only have to check once a week to see if she's cheating on me. I am not signing in with Facebook on AnastasiaDate.com. No thank you.

Yeah, but what about Ty Cupid? Ty Cupid sounds like a... Man, they're really letting me down here. Ty Cupid looks like the exact same website as the Russian Cupid. Uh-huh. Like, they're all owned by the same fucking creepy old billionaire

who, like, rapes bitches and steals them. Tasmanian Cupid. There's something about this. Like, this really makes me sad does it like all these guys like it makes me sad in a way but it also makes you happy but like all these guys like they're not they don't seem like filthy pervert awful people at least in the reviews maybe that's an intentional front to put there but most of it just seems like oh i felt my my wife here i was so lonely and i came over here and i met some women i finally found someone who i think i'm good with like i don't know that sounds like a good

thing and as long as nobody's being forced into it so this site is called rosebrides.com and i've only been on it for 30 seconds but i've already seen like some good looking women like i see i see two or three that i that i would be interested in um well I see two or three that I would be interested in. Well, I see two. Bitch, you are not 35. On Thai Cupid, there's a woman named Kimberly on that link I posted, and there's no way she is from Thailand. I think she just flew over there and now is looking for...

Yeah, that's what fat girls in the U.S. should do. They should fucking move to Thailand and become a mail order. Oh, man. There's some real Facebook angles going on on Rose Brides. Yeah, man. If you scroll down, like, third column, the one on the left who's got kind of green hair, her name is Carol1928.

She's Carolina. She's 20 years old from Bogota, Colombia. I would move her right on in if she's anything like what she looks like. 5'5", 117 pounds, dark brown hair. Let's see. Does she speak English? Nope.

Spanish native. Excellent. It's just nothing but positive. She's Catholic. We'll get that worked out soon. Carolina. She's a social drinker, so she's not. Occupation, sales rep.

Okay, unemployed. Did you link her? I'm sorry. I described where she was was but i didn't send a direct link but i will write this yeah there's okay there we go yeah that was that i we were definitely thinking the same way because that's the option on that page that's clearly number one yeah i like that look and uh and i like latino women, but have you considered Jubs? Let me go back and check out Jubs.

There you go. There's Jubs. I bet she could cook some real nice enchiladas, man. I bet she's friendly. I bet she'd appreciate anything and everything you did for her. She'd always be smiling. She said, I like to read magazines and newspapers. That's a little more vague than I thought in the reading section. I like to read books. Yeah, Carolina put, I like to read fiction and nonfiction.

Fiction and nonfiction. I just like books. Yeah, I just like to read. I'm a fan of words. This lady drinks never. I only eat, you know. Yeah, I don't want any of these women who are, like, taking a stand right away on their mail order bride profile as to whether or not they're gonna like drink or smoke

or something like you'll drink or smoke if i tell you to maybe i want you drunk you'll drink well it's also i'm sure to them it's like putting my best foot forward got to make sure that all the right answers are put here well but he wants the answer that says oh yeah constantly some people Oh yeah, constantly. Some people say too much. It's around the clock. Like always. Yeah, always. Or like drunk right now. I'm scrolling pages in and I've yet to find another. I mean, there are some okay looking girls.

Some I would even say are pretty. But I'm having a hard time finding the one that you would pay to have transported here and marry you know what I mean right but what if you were really striking out here and okay oh then there's a plethora and that I don't want to come off as such a real cocksucker but but because you phrased it that way not me but like sure there are guys who like maybe have never gotten laid and just or like have such social uh issues that maybe they can't approach a woman and they just don't have the means or whatever it is.

And there are definitely lots of good-looking, attractive, good women on this website who just aren't top, top tier. And what I'm looking for is a 30-year-old good-looking fellow with a gainfully employed top tier. And what I'm looking for is like what an 30 year old good looking fellow with a

gainfully employed would purchase from South America. And I'm just not seeing too much of it. Some of these, like this Nua 8257. I don't know if you still, I'll give you a link. Yeah, send me a direct. I'm scrolling through looking for one I can actually get.

This one's from Brazil. I don't get this one's from Brazil don't want that Zika nah this one looks too much like that Viet Cong girl from Rambo that dies at the end remember she gave him that jade necklace and then she gets gunned down and he goes into rage mode and takes them all out she's got that gap in her teeth I thought she was even prettier when I saw this small photo. Ben, look at the attitude

here. About my match. A serious relationship. Not funny. Not game. Not funny. This is not a game. Yeah, she's a Buddhist. I guess they really take themselves seriously. I don't want any of that. No? I don't know. I would prefer

agnostic, honestly. I prefer just nothing. I would prefer agnostic, honestly. Yeah, I'd prefer just nothing. I want them living by my rule set, you know what I mean? Like, I don't want them looking to some higher power and being like, oh, but this says this and that. It's like, no, I say this. I used to work with a lot of Buddhists. It's a pretty relaxed rule set.

It says she reads fiction, so at least she knows it's fake. This one's into martial arts. You think she's referring to the Bible or something? Oh, I don't know. The old Buddha book, whatever it is. I don't know what they're... Yeah, is there a religious... There's got to be some kind of religious...

Let's see what the Buddha... She's like, only the Old Testament, though. Let's see. What is the Buddhist... Man, this is slowly becoming sadder and sadder because of the folly of women i'm finding if there's someone out there who knows where you find the like i could have sworn that i've been to websites before where i was like blown away and like shit is this the way to go uh here's one from me. Now, you know how there's that thing on Reddit that's like the meme market watch thing?

Yeah. Mexican women are going to be very hot soon. They've got a lot of motivation to get on up here and get some paperwork, all right? I think Liz here is going to be hot to trot. You don't have to say too much to her to get her right on up here. You're a buy on Mexican women. I'm a buy on Mexican women.

Absolutely. Buy low. Buy low. That is the way you do it. Is there a sell high after that as well? We don't talk about that. Buy low and keep is our strategy.

Buy and hold. Buy and hold. I speak English basic. Perfect. You certainly do. You're not going to need to say much. I agree. Her mouth should be full.

Occupation, architecture, that's a lie, and interior design oh she can decorate the house good, I love when she puts architecture in there like she's a metallurgical engineer or something, you know what I mean she put every single type of music in her favorite music I like

all music first thing I do is put on some like Rammstein it's fucking blaring you like it huh there's a 28 year old who looks real hot but that photo looks like it came out of a Colombian whorehouse I don't know about

that well you really gotta pick and choose here you would think that there would be some like good looking non spoiled hot women that you could purchase on the internet it's it seems tougher than i thought it would be yeah this one's got a bigger forehead than fucking george costanza i wonder what the shipping is like on women right like oh that's great it's just a plane ticket right you know

that doesn't sound funny at all and and how quickly will they get up and go? Because I'm looking for crime, right? I need her in two days. If they're on this website, they don't have a lot of loose ends to tie up back home. It's time to be like, yeah, I'll be there sometime in the fall. I got a lot to take care of here with my job and my house and all my family and friends. Oh, wait. No, I don't.

I don't have any of those things see you tomorrow has positively spoiled me i don't want my mail order bride just taking six days to arrive it's bullshit yeah i might overnight deliver that chick ups i mean she'd probably say yes some of them how much of a nightmare it is as a human to get overnight delivered. You're just... It's a chicken in a box. It's a chicken in a box, girl. That was like one of the recommended videos on my homepage a while ago. It was like someone saying that they ship themselves in a box,

but I can't believe that that was real. I had to be safe. The same guy who faked the fucking terror thing on the plane. So like... Oh, okay. I know a couple of the guys who make the big prank videos,

like the bigger channels. And just to be frank, like, that's all fake, you know? And it's okay that it's fake because every comedy we've ever seen is fake. I watched Caddyshack last night and died laughing. But every ounce of it is fake. I mean, Bill Murray isn't probing all of his lines, which is impressive as hell. But it's all fake. Nobody's playing golf and running danger films

is ruining a country. You've just got to view it like that. There are people staying overnight in stores. What was that? Turn your video back on. He'll be back sometimes that happens. Did he just disappear from the call? He gets cut off now and then. There are people... Oh, Kyle, can you turn your video

on? I thought I did. I'll get right on it. Okay. There are people staying overnight in stores. Like they go to Walmart and they build like huts or little castles out of dog food or pampers. And they're just staying quietly and they hide. Are you saying that's fake? Kyle is waving.

The people who stay at... Ikea. Ikea. They got busted. That's real? Yeah. Yeah, that's real. They've...

I don't know if they said they were going to or if they actually did. Did you link one? I think I found one. Mila. From the Ukraine. She does look pretty. There's not a lot of Mila in this shot. 97 pounds.

There's not a lot to hide. Yeah. That's right. That's pretty cheap shipping. All right. That's a strong point. Let's see. She's got dark, says dark blonde hair, though that's clearly brown.

So I don't know about this instantly that's hilarious that's that's an approach i haven't heard a girl say before dark blonde that's just brown my hair is a very dark blonde yes the dark oh wow this is like a dating site i think i can make a profile for myself, and these bitches can come to me. Oh, this poor fellow. You know what, Kyle? That's a great prank. You start flirting with one of these girls, and then drop the hammer where you're like,

great, so when can I move to Russia? It's so rough here with Trump, you have no idea. You mean you are not bringing me to America? She looks great for 33. No, no, I've got kids and everything. We're coming right over to the Ukraine. She's either holding up really well, or that's an old picture.

She's 33 years old, though. Jumping in a UPS box altogether. Quite frankly, that's too old. At 33. Not if i were dating someone but if i'm buying someone i'm just not gonna buy a 33 year old woman i see where you're coming from yeah i like how you just assumed that buying people now is just the norm and that you go to the pound right they got one dog over there that's like a fucking Irish herding dog, one of those blue, not Irish, but Australian herding dogs,

and he's fucking jumping three feet. He's got a vertical twice his body height, hopping up and down, looking everywhere, licking your hands, going crazy. And then they got some old decrepit fuck with like doggy parkinson's you don't pick that one you're you know you're buying in here this you can't just leave one of these girls on the side of the road you're stuck with her so what you're saying is if the girl's 33 you should lease her is i don't know if i'd lease maybe borrow but but but i i'm really looking for an 18 to 25 year old womanold woman, I think, here.

This isn't Jack Threads. It costs money to ship these people back. That's the site I'm going to start. I'll ship you the woman, and if you don't like her, I'll send all the packaging tape, the narcotics to put her unconscious, the box, everything you need to get her right back to her uh her uh state of origin wherever that drug they propleplein the my fentanyl uh propofol propofol oh opethal oh yeah yeah well that might kill her why don't we just uh oh i have a i have a propofol story go on go right ahead this is not a necessarily um you know, it's not as crazy as you might expect from saying I have a propofol story. But basically, so I have like an autoimmune disease, Crohn's.

And so in order to like get that all checked out and everything, you have to get like colonoscopies and everything. And for me they they would put me under and they would tell me uh like before that like the guy so he's the anesthesiologist and he's about to you know put me under and he says you know we call this one the michael jackson drug and i said what and he said yeah because this is what killed michael jackson and that's the last thing i remember before i woke up and that was the weirdest thing for somebody to say to me yeah so that was my that was my propofol story that was crazy that he that he said that but it was just it was the most i'm never gonna forget that because that was the i was like freaked out for a second and then i passed out and

then i woke up and i was like what did he say to me? Have you ever had him count backwards? I used to resist. Like it was a test of my manhood to resist anesthesia. Count backwards from 100. If you make it to 97, something weird has happened. But Wings of Redemption said he got a colonoscopy with no anesthesia. That they just went in there and did it. I've heard that some people will have done that.

That they just snaked his intestines? Yeah, I didn't know that was a thing. And I just don't know what the scoop is. He's also young to get it. There's no way, right? I don't know. I'm asking Blaze. I don't know.

Actually, I don't even know for a colonoscopy. Is that normal to have? For someone to not. Is he talking about the time his granny fingered his asshole? I don't think so. Is that what he's calling a colonoscopy? So you're saying is it normal for someone to not get put under yeah i have no idea i i've always been knocked out but there was i mean

i've only had it twice but there was a uh um a video i saw online where someone uh i think it was like a news station wanted to do someone getting a colonoscopy live on tv and like one of the anchors like did it and he was awake the entire time and he was like talking but I think that they gave him some kind of thing where he was a little bit loopy you know he was a little bit what's it called when they have babies epidural

maybe he had something in that family no you would rather undergo colonoscopies do so without any anesthetics at all but the majority still get conscious sedation a combination of drugs to relax you and block pain although they are semi-conscious during the procedure most patients don't remember much about it afterwards so i guess some people do maybe it depends on the extent to which they're swabbing out your asshole i have no memory of it i have one thing so i am this is like three four years ago or something joe lozon broke my hand

it's a service he offers. And I had to have it repaired. Joe says I broke it. Yeah, he does. It's his job. He denies responsibility. But anyway, to repair it, they had put a bunch of pins in it that you had to remove. And the pins were like just under the skin.

So when you took the cast off, you couldn't see them, but you could like make a small slice and uh they look like nails with a rounded head instead of a flat head finishing nails okay so um uh anyway he went in there with what anyone would just call pliers like needle nose pliers and started yanking them out and in terms terms of anesthesia, there wasn't much. Just like Novocaine maybe? Or maybe he even just wiped something on it. So I felt every ounce of it. And he couldn't find them in some places.

So he's digging around with the pliers, looking for the head of it. And every so often, there was this metal on metal kind of like jarring. Like a click. When it would slip off. When it would slip off when it would slip off or even when he would find it because he's hunting for it and it's like sort of a like oh well shit you know that was it you know like it he found it and uh i uploaded the video to youtube and a couple european guys were like your health care sucks that is barbar, and there's no way that that would ever fly here. And I thought, yeah, that was a little barbaric.

Like, that's kind of fucked up. Like, he was just, that was just nails and pliers yanking out a bone. He was just probing around. Yeah, he couldn't get them all. We had to schedule a surgery where he could find them when I was under. That last one I linked looks a little bit like a young Katie Holmes. Oh, this is Mara. I see it. That last one I linked looks a little bit like a young Katie Holmes. Tamara? I see it.

I see it. Yeah. Oh, you're kind of right. I would swipe right if that was just a regular Tinder person. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, see, that's what I'm basing this on. Like, a lot of these are rough looking. She does have kids, though.

Tamara has kids. She looks way better in her primary picture like i have this chrome thing that lets me hover and see like the larger image and uh the bottom ones are not as good as the primary yeah i feel like you get a lot more in depth if we actually sign up for this service, but I'm not going to do that. Yeah. Yeah. I have to talk to my girlfriend. I wonder if she'd be open for us getting a mail-order bride. I know she hates doing the dishes.

Dope. You're already having in. There you go. She's just coming over to do the dishes. And then you slowly amp it up from there. She needs to shower, too, and I was late. So, say water i don't know i can make this work yeah i i bet it's uh i can't imagine i don't know i feel like these they would either be super super like oh thank you so much like this is awesome freedom

and i can you know i don't i'm not starving to death or whatever or they'd be like oh this isn't as good as russia was i thought you were a big rich american man you live in shitty little house or like whatever yeah they would say who knows yeah i think i i think i think your goal would be to like blow them away so that they're more pliable right like you get them here and you really show them a good time and really show off all the differences, the things. And you probe beforehand, find out what is it that's so bad about Russia. And then when you get here, you're like, oh, in the amusement park, you go to ride the rides, but instead they just beat you with sticks.

You know, you take her to Six Flags, and she'd be flinching as we went through the doors, but then she'd ride some roller coasters and be like, oh, it's just so much better. You call it Six Wh better. It's only six whips. That's good. I'd make her sit down and then be like, all right, we're going to watch the moon landing,

and then we're going to watch Miracle on Ice, and you're going to sit here and watch the whole thing and see how it really happened. Then Rocky IV. Yeah, and then Rocky IV. Man, you guys really thought you were the shit in 1981. And then just like a bunch of Bobby Fischer compilations. And that's the thing, though.

You make it seem like all of that is real accurate stuff that happened. Like the moon landing is just as real as Rocky IV. She's like, he is like a piece of steel. Dear God. Italian stellium. Wow. She's just blown away. He is like a piece of steel. Dear God! Italian stallion! Wow! She's just blown away. You're like, yeah, this is American power.

At the beginning of the movie, I really had a lot of faith in Dolph Lundgren. I didn't even know he was Russian. You know? I don't know which one he's in. It's four. Oh, okay, there you go. Yeah, three was Clubber Lang, and then Carl Weathers is the first two.

And then they fight Tommy Gunn in the fifth one, which should just be ignored. And then the sixth one comes along, which ain't so bad. I didn't even know there was a Rocky VI. That's the good one. Balboa. The fifth one. I saw your – You know, Life isn't about

how hard you can hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep on coming. That's Rocky V. He had some... Oh, this ain't no pie-eating contest. You know at the end when he's gonna fight and his friends are all for the help. He's like, no, I got this. This isn't a pie-eating contest. And then the Jesse

Jackson sort of impersonator actor who's like the representation for Tommy Gunn, the new upstart jerk of a boxer. He's standing there with a mink coat. He's like, go ahead. I'll sue you. And fucking Balboa just decks him, sends him flying through the air onto the hood of a car. He's like, go ahead. I ain't got nothing no more.

I don't think no more shit anymore or about he's still you know in rocky 2 he's got like two lambos like one wasn't enough i like those movies that's the conor mcgregor career arc i enjoy watching you know what he's doing right now buying a second lambo i don't know yeah he's in venice italy right now in some ridiculous sports car like driving down the streets going you'll do do nothing! You'll do fucking nothing! He's waving at people as he goes, driving like a quarter million dollar Murcielago or some shit. He's living it up right now.

He's driving around the streets of Venice. He's in a lot of trouble. He's still trying to get the equity for UFC, right? I see where you're headed with that. That's a good point. They have real streets. Come on, it's not all canals. I don't know.

You think you step out your door, dive in, and start breast-stroking your way to the office? Come on. Not everybody has a boat. It's a lot of bridges, too. You can walk everywhere, I think. What a city. Anyway, do we want to do any UFC talk? I guess we covered Joe Lozon. I'm very pumped about that, so no need to go there. I did want to do any ufc talk i guess we covered joe lozano very very pumped about that

so no need to go there i did want to quickly so uriah faber and mcgregor were in this argument and mcgregor was talking about all the money he makes that's one of his favorite like thing i'm very successful and he is and faber was like you watch in 10 years i'll have more than you and i kind of want to watch this play out mcgregor pours his money into like depreciating assets and you know women and blow or whatever he's buying as far as appreciating assets so like right like i think you can you could put on the show that connor has put on very cheaply if you lease a car for 18 months you know you don't if you're he's a rolls royce that's the car he was in i remember now now. He's in a Rolls Royce

in Venice. Those were the images. You can lease that car for five or six grand a month or something like that. That's what it costs. You can get those crazy, most expensive cars in the world for five, ten grand a month. You can also be part of these I don't know what you call it.

It's like a co-op where 30 rich guys will all pool their money and we all sort of own a fleet of cars and it's it's almost like a time share for like super high-end cars and stuff there's cheap ways to go about it you did notice he didn't buy that fucking quarter million dollar mink coat or whatever he's not with the tag on it i saw that tag and i wasn't like that i was like that's not embarrassing that's smart as fuck or whatever he's not with the tag on it i saw that tag and i wasn't like that i was like that's not embarrassing that's smart as fuck like like he's playing a mind game up there and then he's going to return this thing to the fucking store and the store's probably going to thank

him when it's over for the advertising somebody will probably come buy that thing because conor mcgregor wore it i don't know how he does it specifically but 50 cent you know he had to testify so 50 cents also declaring bankruptcy and. And then he's sitting there with all these cars and stacks of money and stuff. And he's like, that's all for show. My career requires me to pretend that I'm rich. And then hookers and blow are cheap too. At the kind of money he makes. Yeah.

20 million a fight? He's definitely not hurting. Pretty much everything's cheap if you're making 20 million a fight? He's definitely not hurting. Pretty much everything's cheap if you're making $20 million a fight. Yeah, the only way Conor is going to be poorer than Uriah Faber in 10 years is if Conor gets taken advantage of or hurt really bad or develops an actual drug problem, not a cocaine problem. Because you can't snort enough coke with that. He's got more money than he can snort Coke.

You know what I mean? He could buy enough Coke to last him for the next 20 years and be just fine. I swear Coke has declined in how scary people think it is. In the 80s, Coke was like heroin and meth and Coke. I don't know what the worst ones are but like it was in that class yeah now people consider it almost like pot plus or adderall you know like it's yeah it's not like if you talk to anyone there's a very different vibe talking about like meth or heroin like those are the ones i think that every in everybody's book unless you're a meth head or

a heroin addict that like that's the top of your list of like, yeah, meth, heroin, crack, what's another crazy one? PCP. That's one that's so bananas. Angel Dust. Definitely not. What is Angel Dust? Does that have another name? PCP. It's just a chemical compound

that's going to end up sending you into a scary, scary place, and often the times, those are the guys that end up being naked on the street punching fences and like roaring and like roaring like a berserker at the police and stuff like that like yeah come on i'll kill you all with my bare hands because they're so just whacked out that they think that and the cops are like I'm gonna have to kill you in three two one yeah in high school they taught us that they like laced PCP and all the other stuff that you liked like oh you know do you want to try acid do you want to try shrooms do you want to try marijuana might be a little PCP in

there because people just given that shit away for free to scare you yeah the PCP dealer in that case is terrible at selling their product. They're just sprinkling it about. How are you going to know if anybody wants the PCP? I don't know. The anti-drug message when I was in high school was that marijuana funds terrorism. It was that, which is horseshit. Opiates, mate.

Opiates do, but only because the United States lets it happen. So don't point the fucking finger at the Afghanis, the poor tribesman who's just trying to grow some poppy for his people. Maybe don't even point it too hard at the Taliban, though. They need something else pointed at them. at the fucking United States government, the CIA, the Central Command, the people who are over there guarding the fucking poppy plants with our tax dollars, our weaponry, and allowing it to go on because it's just part of a big fucking system that they can't let stop turning. Well, they decided that disrupting their economy was a bad idea.

That was the decision that they made. I can't say if it's right or wrong, but that the thought process it's not just you know which we could have subs it would it seems like it would have been a nicer uh thing to subsidize some corn growth over there right like then like let them continue growing a fucking heroin would corn grow over there no of course not it's i think that heroin is i think that they're just you know they found something that grew and they're like all right got dates or opium, and I can't eat any more goddamn dates, I'm shitting my brains out. We got just a surplus of olive oil. Dates and olive oil, no wonder they need a little bit of drugs, they're spending all day on the toilet, and they live around sand. I'd say the profit margins on a poppy plant are quite fucking high.

plan are quite fucking high i heard that there was a story of someone that was i think it was on pcp or something and they uh they had fireworks and they just held on to them and it actually blew off their hand and they just didn't even realize it and they just kept going about their day just like talking to everybody like it was normal and then like the people like the cops show up and then there's people from the hospital like treating them and they still don't realize what's going on god i hope i never lose my fucking hands. I love them so much. My entire job is my hands too. Your magic's going to get really shitty without those hands.

You're trying to flip one card with an L-O-O. Do any of your magic tricks involve explosives or guillotines? I don't think so. You'll be just fine. I'm three weeks away from fucking playing with debt cord. I'm a little afraid of messing with my hands. One of my hands is fucked.

My left hand doesn't work very well at all. I damaged it when I was a teenager. Yeah, yeah. There's a magician named Mati Gilbert or something like that and he's actually a handless magician. He was born without hands, and he went on Penn & Teller Fool Us, and he actually

fooled them without hands, and he did his own versions of stuff by putting the cards in his mouth and things. It was very interesting. I've heard that he's a very nice guy, but I've never gotten the chance to meet him. That's pretty cool. That was something that was really interesting. Kind of tying into some of the stuff we talked about,

in Russia, they're contemplating legislation that will ban selling cigarettes to people who were born in 2015 or later right so it won't hit for a while i assume but basically saying everyone who's i'll call them two years old now or younger can't sell cigarettes to that generation and they're just gonna flat out remove cigarette smoking from their country yeah that's that's all that all that is is a i i'm surprised it's russia it seemed like more of a thing that that we would do to sort of appeal to a certain voting demographic without disrupting uh the other because what because two-year-olds aren't voting right and and and and and who was going to say no no no no when when when my toddler grows up he should be able to have a pack of marlboro reds god damn it i'm not voting for you

like yeah i'll say that that's that's totally politically motivated in some way it's smart though like like yeah it should but yeah but there's not really a huge incentive to do this smart political thing when putin's like yeah i'm gonna call power until i die nobody's gonna be like man putin you know what it is yeah you know what it is here's my here's my second guess as to why russia's population is shrinking it is shrinking ours is growing quite pretty rapidly i mean we're not the chinese or anything but the uh the the russia's population is shrinking and i and i and And every time Russia comes up, I like to point out that their economy is the size of Italy's. I think the Russian motivation is economic.

I think they feel like it would save a lot of money in public health care and disease. Yeah. That's the thinking. So is that also a ban on uh anything that's like nicotine related so uh is that like also like the e-cigarettes and everything uh or are they just banning the the cigarettes the article doesn't outline that stuff i don't know what i thought of it right because like there's a part of me that's like yes ban it it's obviously bad decision making you know step in etc but there's another part of me that's like oh woody so you're saying you really value freedom, but only the

ones that don't impact you. Like I'm trying not to be, I try to put myself in the other side of it and see what I think. You know, if they were banning something I really valued, I'd be like, what the fuck? America's not free. So I don't know. I don't know i don't know maybe yeah i that's a tough one because it's something that i'm not in favor of uh but at the same time i wouldn't want to take away someone else's freedom to have it but you don't really have that kind of freedom in russia anyways right so it's like helmet laws or seat belt laws between my ears anyway like like all right yeah yeah yeah all right so i get that it's a personal freedom, but it's also a collective decision where we have to bail your stupid ass out

for making these bad decisions. Have you ever seen the video where the guy gets pulled over on his motorcycle for wearing a homemade helmet? No. No, I haven't seen that. He makes a homemade helmet that is to the specifications of the law, helmet that is to the specifications of the law and and it is like a piece of plastic this big around with four holes in it and straps like lace that just attach it to his head and in court he's like making the he's making the the

officers and the judge everybody read out the definition of a fucking helmet well it it covers the the skull check um it's secured by a chin strap check and it just kept going down the line it was like god damn it that's a fucking helmet that he made like it was it was so funny to see this guy clearly fucking with the cops because he has too much time on his hands. And just wanted to fight against the helmet law. I know a little bit because I've been shopping for helmets lately. And as I'm thinking about it, based on what I know, that guy could be right. There are tests you have to pass.

You have to drop it. So many Gs don't go through. I think there's a puncture resistance. You have to drop it twice in has to know so many g's don't go through i think there's a puncture resistance you have to drop it twice in the same spot like there's there's different tests that they run but you don't have to run those tests in advance you just if you fail them then there's giant fines but it's not like every helmet out there's been tested that's not how the dot rating works anyway they just build it so that they know they could pass the test and they can avoid the fine. So yeah, this guy could totally make his own fiberglass and paper mache helmet, not have

it tested and be legal. I don't think a helmet should be required if you are fully insured. I think that if you're fully insured and that nobody else is going to have to pick up the check to put your brains back in, just do it. You're stupid enough to do it, do it. I don't know about you, but you ride motorcycles. You've owned motorcycles. I haven't. I got on one once and went to the end of the street and back and was like, that's an incredible amount of power.

Please no more. This is too much. I'll kill myself if I get on this. If I hit a fucking rabbit at night, et cetera Please no more. This is too much. I'll kill myself if I get on this. And if I hit a fucking rabbit at night, et cetera, et cetera. It was too scary. It was too much. I knew I'd die.

But I would never get on that thing without a helmet. And full gear. I'm kind of an accessory guy anyway. If I'm going to be into something, I'm going to have all the cool shit that comes along with it, whether it's guns or virtual reality

or fucking, you know, whatever. So I would totally have like the full like gear with the, I've noticed on the back, it's almost like a shield on your back to protect you from that road rash. When I see road rash injuries, even if they're on this like fail army on YouTube, I cringe in a way that I don't cringe if somebody just busts their butt or hits their head or gets punched in the MMA. That sort of skin being sheared off, sanded off. It's a painful heel, isn't it? The healing on that hurts. Because there's a bruise beneath it that's deep.

I remember on a bike going down sideways and my right ass cheek, from my right ass cheek like up to most of my thigh hit gravel and like hard and just went and slid and there was the there was a knot inside the bruise you ever get bruises like that that have a hard knot in the center of them i don't know what causes that but that's I had. I guess maybe a real bad bruise. Oh, it's terrible. And I've had road rash. I had it on my face that time.

Like there and there and here some. But you just neosporined up and never touched it, and it healed in seven or eight days. I've had some that took longer than that. And it hurts during the healing process, and there's like scabs that shower that look uh that look like like tectonic plates almost with divisions in between them and ooze and like plasma and like it's a real you ever use peroxide on them oh for sure yeah yeah i like watching it i like doing that like like i had a really bad one on this elbow one time that was like maybe maybe twice the size of a silver dollar

like it was big and oval shaped because of the way i had fallen and and slid it and i would i i don't know it was like i was 14 or 15 and i just thought it was kind of cool to pour hydrogen peroxide on it and watch it bubble and foam and stuff like that i don't know if that aids the healing process i think it i think it dries it out yeah i, I heard that peroxide, unless it's absolutely necessary, it really kills the bacteria, but it also kills a lot of the cells that are necessary for restoring it. So it takes a lot longer to heal. Yeah, I bet it's killing all the white blood cells that are there fighting infection and stuff. It's probably bad for you.

But I just like that when it foams up stuff it's probably bad for you but i just like that when it foams up it does that whole thing and like i was i really liked that as a kid like i would pour hydrogen peroxide on filthy things to just watch like like oh some dog shit oh let's see it's just a cool reaction that would happen no i had this thought in my head like yeah all them dog shit germs you all die yes i have my poison here i like kyle's thought of you know helmet laws are required or you can get away without a helmet as long as you buy your own insurance but it never seems to work out like that like yeah minimum insurance is what like 10 grand or something that doesn't put your brain back in it it always seems to fall on the community that's that i don't want to get into

the whole obamacare thing but the individual mandate that makes everyone buy their own brain back in it that always seems to fall on the community that's that i don't want to get into the whole obamacare thing but the individual mandate that makes everyone buy their own insurance i kind of like it because i feel like the alternative is a lot of people dodge responsibility they show up at the emergency room and say oh my god please help me they need two kinds of hospitals we need it we need we need it we need two classes of hospital for a system like that that's the only way it's going to work, right? That or you just fucking turn them away at the door and let them bleed out in the alley. Nobody likes that.

No one likes it, right? Yeah. So we'll see. I was bleeding your fucking shot. You're like, let me see your insurance card. Well, I decided to pay the $800 fine instead. Mistake. I decided to pay the $800 fine instead. Mistake.

That was an error. What you want to do is go down the street. Julio's Medical Service attire and lube. Okay? All right? He's got a can of Fix-A-Flat and a high school diploma that Marco wrote up for him. He'll take care of it. Just spray some WD-40 on it. Nobody wants that, and neither do I,

because that's not what a modern, civilized, best country in the world kind of civilization should do. But maybe a two-class system is the way to go, because if you're not going to get your fucking insurance, then I shouldn't have to fucking pay for your catastrophic injury that you brought upon yourself whether it's through obesity or riding a motorcycle without a helmet either way yeah i was thinking about what you were saying with um relating this to like the cigarette thing where this is like you know you're making people wear a helmet or you're saying that no one's allowed to buy cigarettes. I feel like then you could say, like, no one's allowed to buy cigarettes because it's detrimental to yourself.

It's dangerous to your health. And then someone could say no one's allowed to buy guns because it's detrimental to their health or to, like, their safety. And then you could say no one's allowed to buy, you know, this type of car. And then you're really starting to, yeah, you're really starting to take away, you know, people's freedoms at that point. No, no, no. You can buy all the Twinkies you want. It's only a problem when you eat 10 of them a day for 10 years

and it's clear that you have poisoned yourself and now I have to provide the antidote. You can buy an armory of weapons. But it's only my problem when you're stupid and you fucking shoot yourself in the thigh doing quick-draw drills because you're a dummy. You know what I mean? There's a personal responsibility involved.

Do you think the same personal responsibility should be applied to cigarettes? That's what I'm saying. For the Russian thing, that concerned me because I was like, they can take away whatever they want now. Here's why that's different, because there are plenty and plenty of people who have smoked two, three packs a day of cigarettes their entire lives, and they've got good fucking cardio. You know what I mean? You see those old baseball players burning a Marlboro going out and going three for four. it's not a given that being a a habitual cigarette smoker is going to cause health problems so you can you can't punish them and you can't do anything to them until they're until they have lung cancer

and the and the doctor says yeah this lung cancer is caused by your cigarette smoking this emphysema is caused by your cigarette smoking only then i feel like that standard is holds up to all the other things, right? Like it's not a given. There are people who ride motorcycles that are getting in accidents. There's people who fly paramotors, people who own guns. Like that not a given thing applies to lots of dangerous activities. However, the difference is you could get lung cancer while being a smoker, but it wasn't the cigarette's fault. Yeah. Or you could get him what if you got genetic genetic emphysema i don't even know if that's a thing right i don't know i i'm not i'm not educated but let's say that you can get emphysema because of god a law school maybe he knows let's

say that you could get emphysema through through a genetic uh predispositionosition or predilection, or you were just going to get lung cancer even if you spent every day in a nebulizer your whole life, then I don't punish you for smoking some Marlboro Reds. If that doctor can prove to me, prove, not just say, it could be, if they prove that the cigarettes didn't do it, then yeah, I'll fit your bill. You had a genetic condition.

It's a mild difference and a small little caveat that's not even relevant i just thought i'd throw it out there because it's what's in my head yeah that same logic is why i i think that i'm against like you know that whole russian law that we were talking about at the start of the conversation you know the idea of saying that people born after this date now can't smoke you could then immediately at any time say people at this age can't get guns and then it's like you can just take away whatever. You can't drink more if you're born after 2020 because we're having too many liver problems

in our population or whatever they want to say. And I don't like to carry... It seems like a lot of us were on board with the idea that you can do dangerous shit, you just have to pay for it. Do you want to fly a paramotor? Then your health insurance should cost more. Do you want to own guns? Same thing. Smoke cigarettes? Same thing.

What you can't do, or you could state it the other way, if you live a risk-free life, then you get a discount. Yeah, safe driver discount with Allstate. That's what you get. Everybody should have one of those things, boop, stuck in the back of their head, just measuring their bloodstream all the time, the whole thing. Your insurance rate is based on how many

G-forces you take in during a week. If you're accelerating too fast in your car, if you're fucking doing taekwondo in your spare time without telling anybody, taking head kicks every weekend. They call Kyle up like, you got an adrenaline rush on Tuesday. Explain yourself. It was the VR.

I got the the i'm sorry i was just masturbating i promise well russia could be like that afternoon yeah russia could be like that's bad for your eyes no vr after 2020 and then yeah it's crazy i think that that whole that whole idea of just restricting something entirely is pretty messed up. I'm a libertarian at heart. I certainly am. And even when libertarianism and its ideals fly in the face of what I hold not sacred, but the things that I strongly believe in, the things that I care about, even when it flies in the face of that, I still think that libertarianism is just the right way to go in the end because it's about freedom. And it's about freedom of choice for the individual while still maintaining a community because we're a communal species.

We're not tarantulas. We're closer to ants than we are to tarantulas, and we need to act that way. I line up with that. I was going to say I'm a lightweight libertarian. I still like my EPA, and I still like my police. ants than we are to tarantulas and and we need to act that way i line up with that like i was gonna say i'm a lightweight libertarian you know i still like my epa and i still like my police but i definitely america brags about their freedom all the time to the point where it's kind of a meme joke yeah bullshit try going through the processes of paperwork to do the cool shit in life i i just hired another lawyer to do my fucking paperwork it's

450 an hour because i can't do it you know what i mean like like with less regular with less regulation you just it's you know you know last attorney i hired to protect my freedom was 250 and i didn't like that so it was retained i think it's i think it's very easy to believe in a libertarian idea when you believe also in like a meritocracy, you know, and if you, I guess there, there are probably quite a few people that don't want to work hard enough to be able to thrive in a meritocracy and then they want handouts and then you need a bigger government for that, you know? Yeah. And people who are getting handouts always vote in favor of larger government because that's the person who's giving the handout.

What's that old quote when when when peter can rob from paul or whatever with the the vote then you know democracy fails let me find that exact one i like that i like that quote when peter can rob paul voting something another here we go here we go i got it right here uh over on brainyquote.com um a government that robs peter to pay paul can always depend on the support of paul that's a quote by george bernard shaw this seems very much like take from the rich to give to the poor and that seems very... And you can always count on the vote of the person who's having it given to them,

or at least perceiving that they're having more given to them than they otherwise would. Do you think so, Bernie? Bernie? Yeah, Bernie. This is Bernie's government in a nutshell right here. It's Peter robbing from Paul through the electorate system. But what did Paul do to get all that money? You have no idea what Paul could have done.

When I see two people with two different amounts of money, I know that one of them stole it from the other. And I know this because I've spent many decades in government. And I've got a lot of shit in the corner of my mouth. It means that I'm old and I've got wise opinions. And Senator Sanders, I'm sure you've had plenty of time to contemplate. Senator Sanders, I'm sure you've had plenty of time. Senator Sanders, I'm sure, sir, that you've had plenty of time to contemplate these socioeconomic... Please call me Bernie.

Bernie, I'm sure you've had plenty of time to contemplate these complicated socioeconomic issues in one of your three homes. It's actually... I'd prefer not to talk about that, if possible. I... Very well, very well. I'll just give you a pass. Let's talk about Trump getting pissed pissed on because that's a real thing

That's all I have to say although It in there yeah, so I'll do Bernie's tweets about health care hilarious He's like did you know that 30 million more people signed up after the president mandated that they would be fined and punished if they did not sign up it's like yeah of course they did he said i'm gonna punish you and fine you if you don't sign up it's not a good argument a bunch of people signed up for this program when the i i'll say this about the russians everybody's like yeah the russ Russians were celebrating when Donald Trump won. Of course they were. And if you paid attention to the substance, the substance of the debates and the ideas that each candidate had about what to do in Syria, Hillary wanted to go to war with fucking Russia or at least draw a red line in a no-fly zone

that could have easily led to a legitimate air war or something scary. Trump, meanwhile, is saying nothing but I want good relations, business relations, I want to do big, profitable deals. I don't want to get another Mideast quagmire. So if I'm

a Russian, of course I'm celebrating Donald Trump winning. And if i manipulate and if i if i steal information and reveal the dirt of donald trump's enemies it doesn't mean that i have donald trump in my pocket it means that i'm looking out for my people's best interest the united states does that all the fucking time we've been doing it since we've been a country we see see an issue somewhere, a democratically elected leader who wants to sell his mineral rights to someone else, who wants to nationalize his mineral rights, something like that, wants those corporations out of there.

No need for you fucking taking our coal, our uranium, our diamonds. We decide here in this country where coal, diamonds, and uranium go. And maybe, just maybe, we decide they go to the Soviet Union. Well, the United States just pulls a few little strings here and there, and all of a sudden, a whole bunch of French Foreign Legion show up,

and Jadotville, and we end up funding a miniature battle between them and Irish UN troops. And then when the whole thing's over, we disgrace the Irishmen who fought valiantly defending against incredible odds at Jadotville. And we say that they were cowards and that they deserted. When they fought so hard, they killed dozens if not hundreds of the enemy and didn't lose a single man. It's just bullshit hypocrisy for us to even go into

that thing. By the way, if you want to see a good movie, go on Netflix and watch Jadoville. It's a good documentary. J-O-D-O-T-V-I-L-L-E. Yeah, true story. I'll check that out. That does sound interesting. I was wondering if it was a true story as he was going along. Like, these sound like specific events.

The other Kyle just adds a lot of detail to his random scenarios. I was going to say, if this isn't a true story, you're really passionate about this film. This is a strong hypothetical. You really care about their well-being. And I'm surprised that you were defending the Irish right there. You're really, you know what, I'd call you pretty progressive right now. Let me tell you what like like for real what

happened was like these irishmen had never been in combat they were completely untested and uh you know they're fucking nothing they don't have any ammunition and and so they they decided that the irish would be the ones to go down to god what fucking country was it was it the congo the african country is immaterial but we're going to say it's the congo um but basically what happened was you had a democratically elected leader who wanted to nationalize the mineral and national uh and natural resources which means he wanted to make the coal the congo's coal and again might not be the congo he wanted to make the uranium the congo's uranium and thereby the country would decide who they sell to and for what price. Prior to then,

you had corporations in there really just stripping the country of its wealth and leaving them with very little. This man, who was Democratic elected, kidnapped by a general, shot in the fucking head, general takes over, cuts out a big section of the Congo, says, this is a new country i am the president of it you deal with me now the united nations takes him fucking seriously they send the head of the un down there he shoots a fucking plane down and kills the head of the un this general does meanwhile there's this whole contingent of like 175 and roughly irishmen who have been sent down there to keep the peace. Well, while they're trying to like work this whole coup out and try to stabilize things,

the UN supported forces are doing things like taking control of radio stations and positions of power and communication. They have a little snafu. There's a bunch of guys in a radio station they think are armed, so they lob grenades in and kill like 30 civilians or something like that. The French get a call from some of these corporations whose interest is selling uranium to the United States

instead of a Soviet Union, and they say, hey, where do you want your uranium to go? Does it Soviet Union or the U.S.? Send me a thousand of your best. So they send the French Foreign Legion there, battle-hardened, world-traveled, hardcore mercenaries to join up with the local militia of Congolese contingencies, and they had this standoff between them and the 175 or so,

whatever the number was, Irishmen, at this little mission outpost, barely defendable 500, called Jadoville. They didn't lose a single man. They fought for several days. What year was this? Night-ish? 61.

I don't know, 70? Okay. Yeah, 61. That don't know, 7? Okay. Yeah, 61. That sounds like a really cool story. It's a good movie. Good movie. Check it out. It's a lot of shooting.

They got a cool sniper on the team. You know, the boss is like, can you get that guy way over there? He's like, if I use the brim gun and do it single shot all I can. And the brim gun is like this big shot all i can and the brim gun is is like this big fucking crazy machine gun that's like mounted and it's normally like belt fed or is it mag fed i've never shot a brim gun i think it's mag and so and it's like he fucking opens it up takes one bullet and sticks it in there slams it shut he's just and just kills this guy like 800 yards away. It was a good movie. I enjoyed it. The gun stuff was pretty good.

Siege at Gentile. I felt terrible for the Irishman, though, because they were disgraced in the end. The UN lied. The Ireland lied. And they couldn't tell the truth about the heroic things they had done to hide what happened. It only came out in 2009, 2010, somewhere in there, that these guys were recognized as heroes and given medals.

So long after they were dead. Like posthumous medals, basically. They didn't get their credit. In their 50s and 60s, because they were young soldiers. You know what I mean. 70s, maybe. At least they got some credit in the end. A couple of them.

I guess. Still not great. I'm going to watch them I just scanned the Wikipedia article while Kyle was explaining it pretty much on target 500 Irishmen the attackers had about 4,000 people but they attacked in waves of like 600 or so but they had a hardened

position and they just fought off wave after wave yeah their commander was completely untested but he was a student of um of uh of warfare you know he studied all the great battles whether whether it was the napoleon's tactics or gangas khan or or reading sun tzu and so immediately when he got there you know all his men want to like relax he's like start digging start digging trenches trenches we. Trenches. We've got to entrench. We've got to harden our positions. We've got to have fallback

points. We've got to have warning signals. We need to look out, man. He could even sense, there's this really hardcore scene where the leader of the Irishman meets up with the leader of the French Foreign Legion mercenaries in a bar, and they share

a little glass of cognac while both making these sort of underhanded remarks that have a lot of heavy meaning to them. It's good. Good movie. I was wondering why they surrendered. I scanned for it. And they didn't surrender until they ran out of ammo and food, and they almost

ran out of water. So that seems like an acceptable reason. The casualties and losses. And the men didn't want to surrender. The men were like, acceptable reason. Yeah, the casualties and losses. And the men didn't want to surrender. The men were like, let's go. Let's go Conor McGregor on them. Let's go. Come on.

Come on. Yeah, it says on the Irish side. Take out the Congolese with a series of lefts. Yeah, you got to watch that Irish left. It's a monster. It says on the Irish side there were five wounded and one transport destroyed and one helicopter destroyed. And then on the other side There were five wounded and one transport destroyed and one helicopter destroyed and then on the other side It was 300 dead and over a thousand wounded. Yeah, the enemy had a fucking fighter jet

The enemy had a Congolese are like like I know rise Thing then Ireland because they don't know anything about it. Like I do not know where Ireland is, but it must be a terrible place. Thank you. Check that out if you like war stuff. It's not top here. It's not Saving Private Ryan, but it's good. Oh, it's a 2016 film. Yeah, it's Netflix. It's a Netflix original. Yeah, it's good. In my

mind's eye, it was like black and white and real shitty acting. Nah, nah. The opposite of that. You'll recognize quite a few actors, you know, supporting role type actors. You know, the Irishmen have their big, a couple of them have those big cool mustaches. And they all got good accents. And they handle the weapons quite well. And it's a, quite well and you feel for

the whole situation. Good movie. Check it out. I finished Sons of Anarchy. Oh my God, I'm so glad it's over. I know people love that. Oh my God, it was long. There's no watching that. Okay, so it's an hour long

show, right? But how long is it really? 48 minutes fuck no these things were consistently like 55 minutes an hour and 17 minutes i'm like oh my god this is so long i just want to get to the end i'm like barely paying attention to it so i'm like reading the wikipedia article on what happens this season so that i can go in and out. It was just a job I gave myself for some reason, and I'm glad it's over. What about that grapefruit spoon? What? That grapefruit spoon scene?

I don't remember what you're thinking of. When he cut the guy's eyeball out with a grapefruit spoon? Who was the guy that got his eye cut? Oh, oh, the prisoner guy? the grapefruit spoon who was the guy that got his eye cut oh oh the um prisoner guy the blacks kidnap the sons of anarchy guy the older one with the beard and the gray hair who's heavy set oh yeah yeah yeah i think i must have literally slept through that because i know i read it on the wikipedia article and i have no recollection of it. But I was going backwards. I'm like, I might have slept through an episode, but fuck it, I count that. I'm going to pick it up from here.

They dug his eyeball out with a grapefruit spoon and then mailed it to his buddies. And they didn't stop there. Hardcore show, man. Hardcore show. How many really hardcore dudes have grapefruit spoons on hand? Well, this guy was like a pro. Or was that his eye-scooping spoon? That was his eye-scooping spoon. That's what it was.

He was like, he gets it out and he's like talking about it. He's like talking about how this is going to go down and like, yeah, this is this and that. It's like Frank's toe knife from It's Always Sunny. Yeah, my eye-scooping spoon. But! But! Give me some trash. I've got to plug up the hole. The Sons of Anarchy's credit man. I like musicals so spoiler I'm afraid I liked it. It's okay. You can spoil it. It's okay. I definitely give it one.

I like musicals. So spoiler, I'm afraid. It is a musical. I liked it a lot. I liked the, without spoiling anything, I like the throwbacks from last season. The characters and or tropes that immediately pop into this season. You're like, holy shit, there it is. Ha ha. On the musical thing i i'm always

impressed and happy when i learn actors can sing and so many of them can right and not all of them are ready to like cut a record or anything but i feel like if you grab a random cast like buffy the vampire slayer or something it's like oh it turns out all these guys are above average vocalists yeah and uh sure enough yeah the people on wouldn't get – I don't think Frank could sing. Could he? No. I assume he was funny singing just because I remember the day man, the troll toll. I pay the troll toll to get in this boy's soul.

I distinctly remember writing, get in. Boy's soul. That's like you're saying boys are you chewing gum frank i remember on season 11 uh in that episode i mean i was so surprised how um like i think the court scene uh or the court episode where it was like this entire episode is based on jokes about recurring things that if someone just jumped in on this episode they would not understand at all what is going on because so many parts of this are just based self-referential it is the most self-referential shows and that is why it's its fan group is so passionate and i think it's a good thing because and i consider myself a member

of it if i meet someone who's never seen this show i'm like look it's all on netflix give this a try it is seinfeld for the 21st century with much more terrible people much more terrible people and when i say terrible i mean people who are probably who are sociopaths and in at least one case a psychopath you know we're dealing we're dealing with you know there's no holds barred here d and dennis are both kind of psychopaths i mean when you yes they both are yes they're certainly both sociopaths kyle introduced me to the show and he's like you got to see this and he's like they're got to see this. And he's like, they're all bad people. And in my head, I'm like, why would I watch a show with bad people in it? Oh, it's good. I enjoy it.

Yeah. It connects you to it because it's like you see their whole thought process, how they get to these like insane, you know, things. I mean, if it was just like this is a bad person, he's going to do bad things. But because you like connect with them, because you see their flawed logic you know going into that because they gave me this train so good so good when charlie holds up the train oh man and if you look carefully i'll tell you what i i loved this i read it i saw it on reddit i didn't catch it myself but their reflections in front of that storefront in the final scene there when the real bad thing happens to charlie are black people it's the right

it's it's not their reflections they've cgi'd in the uh fantasy reflections as it were excellent episode no it wasn't an excellent episode it was a good episode um it certainly doesn't make me think like oh is this season gonna be able to hold up is it all downhill from here i'm not i didn't get that from it but i also didn't think oh my god this is the greatest thing ever probably because it was such a one-off kind of specific thing you know it was it was it was uh they're not gonna do another episode anything like that ever again. I thought it was one of the worst episodes I've seen of Sonny in a long time. I usually don't like singing and stuff as much

as a lot of people, but the Dayman and the songs they've done in Sonny like when Charlie's snorting spray paint and then a blanket doing his little songs. It's hilarious. I love that. But then this song i kept waiting like as the songs were going i'm like all right it's gonna pick up it's gonna

get really funny and it never did and it was just like this just isn't half as funny as the other songs they've done and it seems like they had like all right here's a list of five jokes we have for this episode oh shit when's this due three days all right we here's a list of five jokes we have for this episode. Oh, shit, when's this due? Three days? All right, we'll just run the same one joke through a lot. You know, what are the rules? Who dance around? La, la, la. Like, it just wasn't up to snuff. I like that you guys did.

Like, if I were to lay out all the Always Sunny in Philadelphia episodes, I'd put it like 25th percentile, 33rd percentile, somewhere around there. Above average. Yeah, definitely bottom quarter. I think it's top 40 percentile somewhere around there above average yeah yeah i think it's top 40 percentile um i i um i i didn't care for the musical numbers they didn't do it for me quite frankly um i i i like the things that i did like were things like seeing old black man things like going to the bridge that bridge that they were under when they were – remember when they went under the bridge?

When you say old black man, you mean the old black man from season 11 that was called old black man that was the vet that they would have to sleep with old black man? Yeah. Yeah. So when they go to that bridge where he's at, that bridge has been referenced before. Like that's the bridge where they get the boiled denim jeans and all the crazy ridiculous little one-off little uh mentions that that's had before and that actor that they meet up with who's the uh the black man with the wife beater on with a bit of a belly that's that guy from the wire remember him he was the he was he was the old school killer who had done like 30 years in jail

and just had gotten out and now i wasn't sure if he wanted to kill people anymore in The Wire. But he's been on the show a couple times. I don't know. I dug the episode. I'm really looking forward to the next episode. It's interesting when you're talking about people that you wouldn't expect just appearing in shows.

Have you guys watched Flash at all? Never, not on Netflix. I really enjoyed it. I enjoyed it a lot. I've seen the first two seasons, and then I'm caught up on the third season. They're midway through the season. They did a mid-season finale, and then they're going to continue it. But Mark Hamill, Luke Skywalker, will just appear in some episodes as the trickster,

and he just plays this crazy guy that's like the Joker-esque, but it's like the DC yeah yeah no but it's like the DC version that was in the the flash comics and I'd recommend that people if they're gonna watch it they don't look at the IMDB for it for the actors because you're going to you're going to realize oh my gosh this guy plays these two people which are like that's it ends up being like plot points I think when you find out an actor plays both characters you know you'll realize that it's you know it's a bad thing but i i really enjoyed it especially when you build up to the season finale of um of season one how everything kind of looks like it's

going to just crumble down and there's no way out and then there's like this one thing that's like a callback from episodes ago that uh that ends up saving everything and it's it's insane yeah it's a really really i i enjoyed it i mean the acting um some people have told me that they didn't like a little bit of the acting but i i enjoy it i'm looking forward to the punisher that's the next like episodic thing that's new that i'm that i'm into uh you know, Netflix is doing The Punisher with the guy from Daredevil. I think that'll be interesting. I'll know right away if it's gonna be

any good or not. I gotta tell you, if he's not just driving around the country killing people with machine guns, then he's not the fucking Punisher. If he starts using beanbags, or he starts beating people up, or he starts turning them into the cops. That's horse shit

and I'll turn it the fuck off. The Punisher fucking kills people with guns because he is a highly trained soldier punishing people. He doesn't want justice. He doesn't want him to go to jail. He wants to murder them with his cool guns.

And if he doesn't... Keanu Reeves character. Well, I don't... The main guy in The Punisher? I'm thinking of. So kind of in a John Wick way, he's not fucking around. Like, you know, there's no monologues,

no long soliloquy. I might use that word wrong. No, you nailed it. Yeah, he just fucking kills people and moves on to the next guy that needs a killing. And it's really cool that way. Yeah,ick too i watched that for that uh man so excited i love watching him fucking work that ar he's so fucking slick and smooth he's been getting a lot of training it's it's it's great i love what i love seeing hyper realistic firearm stuff make its way into movies because people don't know and when you see it for real it's so

much more impressive than going back and watching uh you know um arnold schwarzenegger in commando when he's on that island with that machine gun just going and you know just like waves of people are doing backflips somersaults throwing their ak-47s as they die. Meanwhile, John Wick is fucking checking angles and fucking doing fast reloads, doing, like, stress drills, doing all kinds of cool shit with his AR, the way he moves. He's mixing in fucking Brazilian jiu-jitsu.

Like, it's great. Love it. I feel like I connect more with that, you know, when you feel like you can see that the character is really, like, trying to be cautious and preserve ammo and needs to actually reload when it's proper to reload. If you just have some robot character, like Terminator, that's just able to keep going, you don't really connect with them. I was watching another episode of It's Always Sunny recently,

and I realized when they went underwater on the cruise episode, I actually held my breath for a couple seconds. And then I was like, wait, I'm holding my breath. What am I doing? But it's the same thing. I feel like you feel that emotion with the character. Did you know they had to weigh Danny DeVito down to get him to sink? Yeah, because he's like a bobber.

I heard about that. Yeah. He's like a buoy. He just keeps going up. He's like a buoy. Yeah, he'd probably just turn upside down. His legs would be kicking. Yeah, he's like if you're bobbing for apples,

like it just rolls around consequentially in there in a particular direction. I've been thinking about cooking a rum ham. There's a recipe online, but I don't like rum that much. It doesn't sound good. I like the Kyle Cooks. But, like, if I don't like rum that much. It doesn't sound good. I like that Kyle cooks. But if I was cooking, I'd be like, I've been thinking about frying a chicken, not deep fry, just on a frying pan and putting spaghetti sauce on top. You know, like mix it up a bit. And Kyle, like, he does real shit.

Last night I made this Coca-Cola chicken. So I took bonelesseless skinless chicken breast And I tenderized them I hammered the fuck out of them Wrapped in saran wrap What does that do? Why would you want to tenderize it? To make it more tender

Yeah to make it more tender It's not tough And also it's a thinner piece That's going to cook better Cook faster And hopefully it's going to absorb a lot of the flavors. So I throw it in the pot. I added a can of Coca-Cola, half a cup of ketchup, two tablespoons of honey, and a quarter cup of really good sweet barbecue sauce.

And I brought it up to a boil, stirred it, then brought it down to a simmer, and I let it simmer for half an hour. Then I turned the heat off, let it sit for another half hour because I wanted all those flavors to soak in. Then I heated it back up to a boil, let it get nice and thick and saucy. Then I took two forks and I tore the chicken apart and made pulled chicken like it was a shredded chicken. It was the best sandwich ever it was so good it's like sweet and and barbecuing and tangy and the coca-cola taste it was delicious yeah i've been crazy into cooking too i uh because a few years ago i set my new year's resolution it's like i want to be good at cooking because uh you know i was in high school and i realized that if i went

off to college i would not be able to survive because i wouldn't know how to like you know make anything except for like a smoothie i guess guess. And so I've watched like every Gordon Ramsay video, you know, every time he puts one out, I've like subscribed to that. And so like sometimes if I if I have a day off from performing, you know, like last month was crazy. But like there were like a couple days where I didn't have a show, and I made that, like, paella day, and I was just going to, I'm going to make a giant paella so that when my parents come home, they're going to have, you know, like, we're all going to share this giant meal.

And so it was like, this is going to be, you know, whatever food day. My favorite YouTube video series to learn from is Food Wishes. Yes. And they've got a website. It's foodwishes.com. You don't see the guy's face. He's got a very good personality, very smart guy. He knows how to explain things the best way, and he shows them well. And he tells jokes as he goes.

He's not a comedian, but he's funny. He's like, and now you mix it, or you can do what I did and just clump it all together and make a big mess, whatever you want to do. It's going to work out fine either way. And he'll get to a part where he'll be like, don't worry if it gets too hot now because you can just start all over. I was like, what? Are you serious?

Because I didn't care at first. I got to fuck it up. Did you see him do the rusty chicken, he calls it? No. Rusty chicken, and he puts maple syrup in as well as chili flakes or whatever. I think he actually cut up chili and garlic, but he puts in maple syrup. And he makes this kind of marinade for his chicken thighs. And it seemed really interesting to me.

I made his bundt cake and I made his souffle. I made his souffles. I made his I made his bunt cake and I made his souffle I made his souffles, I made his bunt cake I made I made his meatloaf Did you make this salt crusted beef tenderloin? This looks good I don't like it because that's so expensive and such an undertaking

I like to pick things that if I fuck up it's like alright let's go start over you know if i can go buy another 30 worth of stuff but if i get a big beef tenderloin or like if i'm making um what's that british thing that that involves beef wellington beef wellington yeah that's an expensive mistake if you mess up wellington and i think that's way harder to do than just any other isn't it i don't know i've never done it but it, but it's my own thing. Because it's inside of pastry. So first you sear the beef like tenderloin, and then you would – you put it in the fridge to rest after that.

But it's not fully cooked. It's just seared on the outside. And then you wrap it in pastry and, like, mustard or whatever. And I've seen them braid the pastry around it so you have these cool patterns depending on what level fucking chef you are. But yeah, I like cooking a lot. We were talking about getting some Wagyu beef the other day.

I think I found a restaurant that has some Wagyu beef. I'm going to get some Wagyu beef probably Saturday. It's been a decade just putting chicken on a George foreman grill and microwaving vegetables like i'm yeah that's that's awful i think i think the reason that i was motivated to get interested in cooking was because i when i got my diagnosis uh with the crones i was really interested in like trying to not go to the most extreme medication route, you know, like to not,

because like the, the, what I was recommended to go with is like the Humira or the Remicade, which basically you have to go to the hospital. I mean, I think it's changed now with one of them, you can actually take home, but like you had to go to the hospital and for six hours, it was like IV dripped into you like a couple of times a month. And I was like that I couldn't do that. And so I totally like went vegan and everything. And it was not for the animals. i was like that i couldn't do that uh and so i totally like went vegan and everything and it was not for the animals it was like strictly for a health thing but i you know so i've added things back in so i've added fish back in i've added eggs back in but still like i'm not doing the meat or the dairy so i had to learn to be like creative with like yeah i'll bet man when

you when you take when you take dairy out it really makes cooking hard everything is like and like every recipe is like oh yeah and a half a cup of cream or a quarter cup of milk or or you know butter and cheese and said and that wow that sucks well you can just use oat extract it tastes exactly the same they've done a pretty good job with uh there's this one um i think it's called like uh i can't remember maybe like smart food or something but it's it's a green uh tub and it's like it's like butter but it's just different vegetable oils and like uh soy and stuff and it it's it tastes just like butter and my parents will will use that too um instead of you know regular butter but there are a lot of things that there's no comparison you know and uh so that that sucks

but you know it's fun to come up with things like be creative and find things that i can eat you know my favorite food is is the uh the snow crab legs you know i'm obsessed with those uh yeah and so like that was my christmas thing you know it was like on christmas or i think uh thanksgiving it was like on thanksgiving they got the turkey and then i had just my my crab legs that i that i boiled and i was just by myself just going at it and you gotta make sure if you're eating crab at least for me that you're very close that you are gonna stay close to where you are like you don't want to go to a crab restaurant an hour away and get back in that car and have to drive back because i don't think i've ever gone more than 45 minutes after a crab meal without having to take an emergency shit.

Yeah. Like an emergency. And I'm sure you know what that's like. Yeah. Well, yeah. I mean for me, I mean on a good day, it's six times a day. So that's crazy. And crab itself, that's your favorite food.

But I think that just naturally for everyone, crab makes you shit up a star. Yeah, I mean, I don't know about that. I think that, you know, it's just so good. For me, it does. Yeah. I don't know. That's my frosted mini-wheat. I mean, it... I think it's just always a terrible shit. There aren't

any good ones. I mean, I eat so much I feel like most of the time, that like it's everything's getting mixed together and sort of becoming the same consistency and it's never a good one. Just compost. Kyle compost. Yeah, it's not like vanilla pudding or something like that. It's more like... Vanilla paste.

Yeah, it's vanilla paste or the cuttlefish. Cuttlefish and asparagus? Or vanilla paste? Okay, I will eat the cuttlefish. Give me the diarrhea. I'm sorry, Kyra. I believe in you.

Human centipede. I love that shit. You guys want to wrap on that on our South Park impressions? Yeah, who doesn't want to eat some shit? Yeah, of course not. That was PTA episode 317. Hang on a second. Have you hit the button yet? I have not.

I'm ready for you. Blaze, is there anywhere that you would like to direct our fans perhaps you have a website a social media platform or something else that you'd like them to go to to see all things that are you yeah thank you so much so I have my website blazezera.com I think my name is also there and there's my

IMDB profile if you want to see my acting stuff there's imdb.me slash blaze I've actually done the timelines for some of the episodes of PKA some of the recent ones so my link is always in the description for imdb.me slash blaze um i've actually done the timelines for some of the episodes of pk with some of the recent ones so my my link is always in the description for imdb.me slash blaze so uh you can you can see that and uh i mean i have my instagram it's all at blaze sarah twitter at blaze sarah i'm not i haven't been very active on social media in the past so i'm trying to be a lot more active uh now and uh you know trying to pursue that. I'm happy that everyone enjoyed that.

There's the Auditions for America's Got Talent coming up this month, and I've been heavily considering that. If I made it or not, you won't find out until April. Yeah, yeah. I'm thinking about that. If you make it, we definitely want you to come back.

Thank you so much. Absolutely. I had a great time. Everyone check out our sponsors to come back. Yeah, for sure. Absolutely, have a great time. Well, everyone check out our sponsors down below. Squarespace, of course, the only one-stop shop to get your website spilt. Jack Threads, CISO, Dollar Shave Club. Very good. Check them out, and check out Blaze. 317.

317.