Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #318

Episode Date: January 27, 2017

This week on PKA, coming off his recent UFC victory, Joe Lauzon is back! The guys talk the UFC & MMA, Hollywood, Animal Cruelty and Taylor's issue with public pooping.

You nailed it! That was perfect! Yeah, yeah! Yeah, I had a feeling! What happens is I press the button and it takes between like 2 and 10 seconds to start the show. Anyway, PKA episode 318. Our guest tonight is Joe Lozon. If you're one of the people that maybe you're an MMA fan and not a regular watcher, Joe's coming in about 30-40 minutes.

There's usually a pretty good timeline in the description. So if you're here for Joe, you can just skip to that part of the show. Kyle? Oh, who would do that? can just skip to that part of the show. Kyle? Who would do that? We're about to talk about some fun stuff. All right. First, let me tell you about our sponsors. We've got Movement coming back.

Lyft, Casper. Who is this? Me Undies and Nature Box. Those are our sponsors for this evening. You can check them out in the links down below, of course, as always. But, yeah, I wanted to talk about something terrible that I read recently, and that was, Woody, have you ever seen the film Milo and Otis? No. Oh, yes. So growing up, Milo and Otis was this real big film for like, I don't know, my formative years. When I was four, five,

six years old, it seemed like we watched it non-stop it's about this little ginger kitten and this pug dog who live on a farm and one and and they they it's it's real life live action animals hanging out with each other and it's like voiceover so it's like those movies look who's talking now uh where you've got a human voicing this real life animal uh you know none of that there aren't two dogs and a cat with falls no that's homeward boundward Bound. That is what I'm thinking of. Okay. Yeah, yeah. That's a good movie too,

but Milo and Otis came out when I was five years old or something, maybe even before then. I'm not quite sure. And you follow this ginger kitty and this little pug dog through all these adventures because one day one of them falls in the stream and the other jumps in after it and they get swept away in the stream through all these,

and they go on all these adventures. There's one point where they get separated along the way and they deal with all kinds of hardships. They find counterparts. They find girl kittens and girl pugs to have babies with. They go on adventures.

They fight bears and birds. What I read recently was that apparently this is not one of those movies in which no animals were harmed during the making of this film. No, not Milo and Otis. How many Milo's notices were there? It's – all right, so here's the death count. Oh, God.

And this apparently – and I'm a little confused about the wording of everything I've read because after the death count, they always include, but this doesn't include the gruesome outtakes. I'm like, whoa, whoa, that seems like, what are we counting then? But in any case, five cats drowned. All right. Because first thing in the movie, they fall in the stream, right? Get swept away. Well, cats don't swim too good. Five cats drowned.

Four were mauled to death because I think there's a scene with a bear like a black bear or something yeah two cats were pecked to death because there's this scene with all these seagulls if i remember correctly again i was five um one cat was swallowed so that's that's up to 11 cats, right? Getting there. It's 11 cats. The 12th was swallowed whole by a snake. Three dogs drowned. Two dogs were mauled to death. One dog froze to death in the shivering scene in the snow. They just froze him to death. That was ridiculous.

He freezes to death. Did you know that one jack nicholson died in the last scene in the show and again like i said the the last sentence is this doesn't this count doesn't even allow for outtakes gruesome gruesome outtakes which if i had to guess means like maybe when they were like testing scenes or like oh let's see if a cat will fight a bear or what'll happen and they just threw cats at black bears for six hours like to see if they got anything good so i director to be shooting that opening scene in the water and you throw one cat in and it oh fuck did you film it no i missed it too i missed it too all right bag of cats all right so i wonder if anyone else is doing the same

side of cruelty math in their head that I am. You know how $1 is worth like 40 pesos or something? How many cat lives does it take to be worth a dog life? Oh, man. In my opinion, like – It's not one to one. Did you say a dog's life? Yeah.

Oh. Yeah. No, dogs are way better than cats. So I'm thinking like – Man, it's three. It's like three. I had four in my head. I'm in the same ballpark.

Yeah. It's like three. Like if you had – and I'll tell you how I'm doing it three. It's like three. I had four in my head. I'm in the same ballpark. Yeah. It's like three. Like if you had, and I'll tell you how I'm doing it in my head. I'm imagining that simple old equation of the train coming down the tracks and I, and I'm, I can pull the switch and I can make it go left or I can make it go right, but it's going somewhere.

It has, it has to be in one formation or the other, A or B. And A is my dog. I'm picturing the collie that I saw at the airport yesterday. He was a, he was a service dog. He was really cool looking.

Had lots of speckles. Looked real proud to be leading that little girl around. And then I'm picturing like three fucking ginger cats in a box going meow, meow. And the dog's just standing there like, do what you got to do, man. Like there are three of them. I choose you, buddy. The cats are done. If there was a track just like that and on one

side you see a guy that you don't know you just kind of look at him and you're like he seems like a good enough dude he's just laying there saying for help and on the other side is a train track that's incredibly long and on it is strapped every single cat on earth someone's kidnapped every cat on the planet and and they're all there. Every house cat. It's a very long track, and they're bunched up. And right now it's headed for the man. Do you pull that lever and kill every cat on the planet,

every house cat? What kind of man? That's the thing. He looks like a good guy. You don't know anything about him. We will say that he's not like, you're not going to free him and be like, ha-ha, back to raping or something like okay i wish we would assign him a like a can we

give him a name at least his name's uh edgar oh oh we got to save edgar he's an engineer i think right yes edgar yeah i doubt edgar is uh you know uh edgar is giving back to his society. I almost guarantee it. You don't roll around with Edgar as your name. You go to Ed as soon as you realize you're working at the bowling alley now. Like you're Ed, right? Edgar's paid for that entire train. What do you think about it? Edgar's like, put the handle in the 2.1 position.

You'll save us all. I built that. I contribute. Edgar's a fucking engineer or something. Yeah, I'm gonna be honest I if we're talking about house cats I guess maybe I would want to do a little research and find out like if we lose all the house cats does that really Throw off local ecosystems like globally like like does the house like is the house cat like the bat in that it goes out every Night and eats its body weight in mosquitoes and shit? Are those things going out there and keeping the possums at bay?

And without the common house cat, the possum king would just roll into neighborhoods in force with his possum crew. And they'd just run, you know, eating babies and critters. Gangs of raccoons. With their barbed penises. Like, if that's going to happen, then I say kill them. Wait, tell me more about possum penises. I think they have a barb. Oh, oh no those are the ones that are uh a bone yeah it's a it's a bone i think and they call it a an alabama toothpick i believe because they they save it

and then pick their teeth with it god damn it alabama you're an embarrassment to us all here's an even more difficult question just remove edgar entirely do you still kill all the cats i do i'll be honest i just have no good relationships with cats but no i'm not pro cat genocide for no reason like like i i'm not gonna just randomly push the cat holocaust button i don't think because you know bubbles loves his kitties i was watching a lot of trailer park boys the other day and you know i was bubbles has all those kitties they seem kind of cool i guess just killing every cat you're saving every dog and every pound across the country oh that's done done yeah of course because everybody's gonna go oh my cat

oh i want an animal that actually loves me and cares about me and isn't waiting to eat my eyes the second i die oh i'm gonna go get a dog. And they're going to be like, oh my god, I was such a fool. Thank god for that hero, Taylor, who killed every cat. I doubt that's how the world would remember you. No, no, it's only those cats, not the cool cats. Definitely not the cool cats. Not lions and tigers. They're still there. What about the lynx?

Or like one of those Amazon cats. Nope, nope, doesn't make it. The lynx is too cool. Okay, okay. Here's the thing. Let's say we're on the same track. We've got four dogs on one track and one great ape. What kind of great ape?

Chimpanzee. Fuck the chimp. You know what? If it would tear my fingers off, give him the chance. There's plenty of those out there. I could go to the zoo. That chimp is just waiting to tear loose from his binds so that it can maul those dogs and rape you.

Six dogs, one orangutan. Rape and murder. That's all he cares about. Orangutans are more rare, so I'd have to let that live. But orangutans, I think I brought this up before, it's a species that does not exist sans rape. Orangutan bitches are never like, you know what, I'm down. They're always swinging away like, oh, Jesus, fuck!

And then the little orangutan is like, well, thanks to sexual dimorphism, I'm three times your size, ha-ha! And he just grabs them, pulls them down, and then they rape the species ahead. Wow. Nature is really fucked up when you think about it like isn't that fucking really and you have to wonder if the female orangutans are like actually running or if that running is just the way that their species determines who gets to mate where they're like nope i'm not mating with that slow idiot weak guy and making my slow weak idiots or is it just how they play hard to get like i i remember early in my relationship with jackie she'd be like no no and i'd be like honey no means like you that is not a game we play we don't coyly say no

yeah we we say yes the orangutan does sometimes rape the female to death so that case yeah i just really didn't want it we had to lay down the whole like this you know shy little no thing is is not okay yeah yeah you're not some maid from braveheart days like we need to be clear about consent yes yes that era oh so romantic but that's how i well yeah i was just like this is not are you just signed here that you want me to pound your puss just right here yeah initial down there by the puss. Yeah. I'm telling these things. Her mother's right there.

She knows. My mother-in-law moved in. She's very nice. She's very sick. Is that very recent? This is where she belongs. Between the last two shows. Yeah.

So like Saturday, she moved in. And yeah, it's not a joke or anything, but she's living with us and this is where she needs to be good that's good yeah um let's see we talked about the catch inside yeah i i i think i i think i like cats a little more than you do but um not enough to have one uh i'll tell you what you know my cat experience was that we had that cat who just lived here and we called it white cat and i was like yeah we called it White Cat. And it was like, yeah, sure, live. I'll buy you food. As long as you're so low maintenance that I just fill a bowl every couple of days and you just do the rest, I'm okay with that.

I'll scratch you when I see you, and if you want me to, I just will. And then White Cat had like six fucking babies, and the only no-kill shelter was 100 miles away, so I drove her babies to Greenville, South Carolina. We rescued a dog last week. I don't know if I've talked about it or anything. We had a black lab. I think I have a picture of him.

He was really super skinny. You could see all his ribs. He was obviously underfed. He looked youngish. I'm going to call him one. And he was outside. You remember that cold snowstormstorm stuff it got down to eight in my area so uh he didn't want to come in the house we were like oh my gosh jackie would

have the door open for like 20 minutes you know encouraging him putting food like one foot apart as he came closer and we eventually got him in the house and kept him warm all night and took him to some sort of no-kill shelter where he'll be found. I think he'll be adopted. He was very sweet. I was under the impression that you kept it there for a second, but I was like, god damn, you already have multiple dogs. That's a lot of dogs and you're bringing in a problem child.

You're adopting one of the kids that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt do because they're so rich and bored. They're like, I can fix this Congolese kid's life, I guess. Hey, Abdul, you want to stop defusing mines for a living? Hey, have you ever seen any of my movies?

I pick a rubber and lose a hand if I do not bring a daily quota. Oh, so you haven't seen my films. Because we're going to have a whole new thing. Honestly, can we go back to the rubber plant? Tomb Raider is going to blow your mind, Abdul.

Let's go. Come on. How many did you get? My mom's hot. Bring your rubber. Come on. Bring the rubber. You don't have to bring it.

We have plenty of rubber. You know, they got divorced, and I think that they're trying to keep it under wraps, like what the issues were, but I keep hearing that she's kind of nutty about those kids yeah you know there seems to be a big he said she think i keep hearing about his like abusiveness and alcohol and all this crazy stuff but when people are in the middle of a divorce i take everything with a grain of salt they just sure who are we talking about right red pit and angelina jolie yeah my main concern would

be who has to take custody of those children can I get out of here without those and tail try to return the kids what is the Sudan's policy on an unadoption we'll give you $100 it goes super far in Senegal

you just fucking buy your a pirate ship. You buy your own pirate, and it's just a dumbass skiff with like an 8-legged power. Just some bullshit dingy with an AK that's semi-broken laying in the bottom. It's just for show. You just scare people if it doesn't shoot. I thought that was fucked up about the animals, though.

And then I saw an article on Reddit today, something about some other recent movie and I guess there's some like behind the scenes footage of them like abusing a dog or something I think it's called like life of a dog or something something like that I know that the premise behind the movie is that this guy gets a dog

the dog like fixes the guy's life and then the dog dies and gets reincarnated and goes with another family dog dies and gets reincarnated and goes with another family dog dies where you can get gets reincarnated and like and you get to see the dogs like many lives as he improves the families that he's with it sounds i actually want to see it it sounds a little sad but i'm not watching that uh we were i don't watch the sad dog movies there's a fucking bullshit they're just made to make you cry and i'm not down for that a while back we were in bed my girlfriend and I

and she clicks that movie it's like Max a war dog story it's like Max a war dog story and in the trailer I think it shows off that Max is like a marine canine or something

and he's bonded with his trainer and they go and fight in's like bonded with his trainer and like they go and fight in war together and the trainer dies and so max is has like ptsd or something and ends up being like the pet of the dead soldier's brother and then he like influences their life and helps their family life back home in the united states and i'm like you're watching that she's like yeah why not i'm like i like flip my laptop up in front of my face, put this headset on. I was like, I'm going to play some Civilization or something. Like 30 minutes later, I look out of the corner of my eye,

and just tears are pouring down her face. I'm like, did he die? She goes, yeah, of course he died. We're 20 minutes in. Now he dies. It it's gonna be this sad for like 45 more minutes i don't like those movies where it's like i need to be brought up and then brought down if i'm gonna be happy and then sad i watched something recently called impossible it's this tsunami movie that has uh whatever naomi watts i think her name is and some little kid and it was about

that uh indian ocean tsunami and they were like tourists and the whole movie it starts out with the tsunami happening and so you're never brought up there's never like wow like what a fucking great beach vacation it just starts out as like this is this was a poor decision we should have just gone to florida and they get swept away the whole family split up spoiler this isn't a spoiler it's a fucking tsunami if you couldn't infer that a family's gonna get split up then you're not it happens it's not great you get to get split up and then the whole movie the whole movie is them trying to find each other through painful screams not like like oh we need to you know we're gonna get back you know in war movies where somebody gets shot and they'll be like a few minutes will go by with like you know, we're going to get back, you know, in war movies where somebody gets shot and they'll be like, a few minutes will go by with like, you know, tactically, we got to get up to that hill.

You know, we got to do it here. Give me that. Oh, you know, but I'm still carrying it. Let's go. This was like that, except it was her leg fucked up. And at no point did she stop screaming. It was just like, mom, we need to get to mom. We need to settle down.

This little boy's like shaking his bleeding to death mom and her tits hanging out and she's all cut and he's, you need to get to shelter This little boy's shaking his bleeding to death mom and her tit's hanging out and she's all cut. We need to get to shelter. We can't go save everyone. Oh, my leg! And then this Indian guy comes and he starts dragging her across the rubble and the reeds and everything. And it shows

every single pull across the ground. Because he's a little emaciated guy that lives in Indonesia, so he can't lift here. He's just dragging her. She's just You know just It was upsetting to the point where it's like this is bullshit like this is if I didn't know better And maybe I don't know better. This is someone who made a movie and realized fuck I am so in over my head this is 70 minutes of content and at best like i got to stretch all they have is that cgi tsunami

and an idea and now here they are scream i guess 30 because we didn't 30 minutes of dragging you're not the worst dragging scene you don't want to't watch that movie. It's that Mel Gibson movie, Soldiers. What is it? It's that Vietnam Mel Gibson movie. We Were Soldiers. It's about the formation of the helicopter cavalry and Nam and how they flew in. And it was like, great movie. But there's this one scene where this guy's calling in napalm on the enemy.

And he calls it in wrong. And he hits hits an american and the guy gets fucked up and and someone tries to drag him out and he grabs i don't i thought it was his legs that he grabs but anyway when he pulls from the legs like the flesh just comes with his hands like it's like like the skin and the fat just like gets like drug off the bone and the guy's like oh god and it's like all in his hands and the guy on the ground is just like it's that was rough that was a rough fucking scene like great movie though yeah great movie it's a true story it's it's fucking like i don't remember i remember just the broad strokes but it's like three it's it's like 300 americans and several thousand vietnamese or something like that and like the K the kill death ratio at the end of the day was like

outrageously in, in, in America's favor favor as it was throughout the war. But especially here, um, it was, it was good. Interesting little eye opener about the Vietnam war,

right? Like the, the military, the United States military kind of prides themselves like, look, we won every battle. We admit we lost the war, but that wasn't

our fault it wasn't that we were getting beat by the viennese our politicians just decided to stop because we won every battle it's like oh yes well yeah i mean like if if it was just like uh if they went to the american general and were like actually at all costs take it they'd be like all right all right bring in the rest of the military boys you know like i guess but yeah yeah it does i mean at that point it is but that's like moving the goalposts a little bit because it's being like you know if the rules were totally different and war didn't happen the way war happens we would have won it's like yeah it was that well it was that you had you know commanders that that fought in world war ii and korea and all of a

sudden they're they're really being handcuffed you know they wanted to bomb in the north they wanted to bomb the industrial part of north of uh north vietnam you know they wanted to bomb where their leaders were and they weren't doing that they're just bombing a bunch of poor people on the ho chi minh trail like you hear you hear the ho chi minh trail and i think maybe some people think that was a road or like a like a double highway like It's literally like a trail through the woods that we're dropping tens of millions in ordnance on every day and trying to de-force jungles to stop. We were just really handcuffed there.

That was a shitty war. 50,000 dead Americans. And we killed a lot more Vietnamese. Yeah, that was a shit war. I assume. Glad I wasn't around. Yeah, I was right. So I was born in 73, which I think is the year the war ended.

Like, I think they're the same year. So I remember this. I asked my history teacher in, like, eighth grade, right? So this is, how old are you in eighth grade? 13 years old? Yeah. And this is, like, 13 years after the war ended. And I'm like, why after the war ended and i'm like why did the vietnam war happen and he looked at another teacher and they're like oh yeah well you know that's kind of what was the

vietnam war about yeah am i right and she's like yeah yeah you fuck you're a history teacher at school i'm asking you why the vietnam war happened and all you can do is huff and puff and smile slyly at your fellow teacher you fucking worthless fuck like yeah that's just like saying like huh we understand but we won't tell it's our little secret yeah you'll have to go read a book like I just like I don't know I like give me anything get what was the official reason you know that the whole stopping communism thing. Tell me about the drummed up thing. What was it called?

The Gulf of Tompkin? Where we pretended the ship was sank, but it wasn't really? And, you know, there's things he could have said. But he couldn't have been more worthless. And I still look down on him, especially because he was a history teacher. Yeah, that's pretty weak. I had a really good 10th grade history teacher. Like, he was a real scumbag, like, that's pretty weak i i had a really good 10th grade history teacher like he was he was a real scumbag like dick like he'd pick on students he

never bothered me but he picked on a few of my friends like really mean like this is like a 38 year old man you know we're and we're in 10th grade um but he would get up there and like really kind of do a performance you know he'd start telling you a story about like what the sumerians did or who does what zoroastrianism was about or what the Spartans was my favorite. My favorite was that he ever did was the Spartans because he just went into great detail. He's like, yeah, you turned six or seven or whatever it was. They came and took you. And you started that day.

You were a soldier. And, you know, you didn't stop being a soldier until the day you were dead. Even when you retired, you were still in reserve. You know, you know you lived in the barracks you know he just went all these things the spartans did they were crazy um this and i bet that teacher got you really interested in it right like you're like oh this is this isn't just school anymore this is kind of neat oh yeah history teachers could be so shit too i had one in my freshman year mr johnson who i swear to god would try to be boring sometimes to get kids to fall asleep so that he could take his enormous history tome that wasn't even like the class book

he just kept this giant history book without like the ilia or the odyssey up on his desk and he'd go over to the desk and like be quiet after he saw they were asleep and just go boom and slam it as hard as he could and it sounded like someone shot a cannon off and that kid would just wake up in a panic attack everybody else would think it was funny but like he so clearly like you know when like teachers like smile at your stupid jokes you see there's no wrinkles in their eyes they're not sincerely smiling the only time i saw mr johnson smile sincerely in my entire uh four years in high school was every time he was walking up to a kid's desk to slam a book. He's like, I make like 33 grand

a year. I hate my life, but this little bitch fell asleep again, and I'm going to just make a resounding noise right on her desk. It'd be like me shooting a gun off next to your head. That's how loud it was. To the point that when you wake up, you're not, oh my goodness. It's like, ah, fuck!

Oh, God! Are we still in the greeks you know like the bar for entertainment for teachers is so low like i remember uh some of the ones that i like the most okay i had a math teacher and uh he wore you know what a converse is the concept in math like you know five plus four is nine and four plus five is nine there the converse works but say, like, a square is a quadrilateral, but a quadrilateral is not necessarily a square. There the converse is untrue. Right. So the day that he called his converse, he wore Chuck Taylors.

Like, he had a teacher with converse, like, Chucks on. And we were all like, oh, my God, this is the greatest thing. Like, he actually wore sneakers as a teacher for converse day like it we were all very excited people would talk about it like dude when you get to fifth period you're gonna see he's got sneakers on and um he also um he would teach us like the i've shocked it's been so long but like we take a cube and pour water in it and then a sphere of equivalent dimensions wouldn't hold all the water because a sphere holds less volume than a cube does. So when he

poured the cube water into the sphere, it would leak, and they'd get water on the ground. And we were all blown away at what a maverick this guy was, to have spilled water on the ground. And it was just... That's how low the bar is! I just don't know what to think about

your learning experiences because on one hand, I hear about fencing and archery and stuff, and I'm like, fuck, I wish we'd had archery. I was doing that at home, and nobody else was doing archery. I loved that shit. I would have loved that, but then I feel like we had more entertaining teachers. I definitely remember eighth grade science

when he did the thing where the atmospheric pressure test where take like a coke can with a little water in the bottom and hold it with tongs over a flame until you've got a a low pressure system uh inside the can and then quickly you flip it upside down into a vessel of water and then the the air pressure around us that's like 10 or 12 psi just destroys the can crushes it flat as a bug. I like stuff like that. We did lots of those. We'd start little fires. I remember I had a teacher who put sodium in water, but she wasn't very good at it.

And it was a bummer because when I got to class, the ceiling was already damaged from an overdose of sodium. People don't know you put sodium in water. The first hour had a lot of fun that day. Yeah, the first period. Yeah, and I want to say she even singed her hair, right? So we get there, and, like, she's fucked up, and the ceiling is fucked up,

and she's just putting in little, like, penny-sized pieces of sodium. She must have dumped a handful of it earlier in the period and blew everything the heck up earlier in the day. In my chemistry class, which is 10th grade, this is the same. I think I've told that like a different story about this class before where this annoying chick that sat next to me would always leave her hair on my side of the desk when she'd sleep. And so I colored a streak of red Sharpie in her hair. She was so upset. A lot of the girls in that class got mad at me.

But everybody else thought it was hilarious. But we can come back to that another time but this in this class also uh it was a young teacher and he was like in the chemistry mind of like you know oh i'm walter white like chemistry's the shit it's so much fun i'm gonna make everybody enjoy it he was a nice guy like he was clearly passionate about it and there was this one girl who was a different girl than this one who was always late to our class, always late. And he had been doing something that day where he was pranking all the different classes. And by the time it got to be our class, it was like the beans had been spilled and almost everybody knew that the prank was going to happen. Except for this chick who just, I guess, wandered in aimlessly not knowing.

I guess wandered in aimlessly not knowing. And so this chick comes in and she sits down and the guy's prank all day was that he got the first hour class so bad that like people ran to the office because they were panicking. He filled up, he turned off the lights and he filled up a beaker with like Powerade and then something else to make it totally bio, like luminous, not bioluminescent because it wasn't like alive,

but it was just luminescent. And he was like, and he made a big scene of like, all right, you know, I, I really shouldn't be doing this this many times but it's not fair for me to do it for the other classes if you don't get to see it as well now if something does go wrong i need you to get me help immediately and saying it was this big beaker and people were like oh fuck like you know i'm sure this girl and like one other person maybe a couple people didn't know and he just goes like like those hot dog eaters like just preparing and then he upends the whole thing plugs it down you

see you're in the dark and so you just see like almost the blue light like shining through his cheeks and it looks very intense and then he finishes it and he puts the beaker down like shaky handed you know the beaker falls over on his desk he's not concerned with the beaker he's got his hands like this he's got his eyes closed and everybody's like oh my god what the fuck is this and then he called he committed so fucking hard to this fall i'm surprised he didn't hurt himself he collapsed like banged his arm off his like black science top like beaker desk and then fell behind the counter and instantly the black girl who was always late to that class goes oh hell no oh hell no and she runs out of the classroom and and she was so loud that he got concerned in like the prank backfired and so he got up and was like

no no it's fine like i promise it was just powerade and something to make it light up i was just joking around just please be the class on time and it was added to powerade hilarious it was i can't believe i've never told that before it was such a good prank idea but i want to know what he added to the power and powerade to make it luminesce because i've i've looked into that before that's difficult chemistry like i've watched that i like those chemistry videos where they've got like a hot plate and like beakers and they've got you know a chemistry set and they and i like watching them create chemical compounds that they're going to use as an ingredient for

another thing they're doing. They're like, we could go buy some sodium benzoate, but wait, I'm a chemist, so we made some. Yeah, we've got some sodium and some benzoate here already. Whatever. Whatever that is, I don't know. Push it together? Pretty much, they're stirring things

together, heating them up to precise temperatures and and mixing them up and making chemical reactions those videos are fun to watch yeah high school uh when you really sit like and think about it a lot more funny shit happened than you remember because a lot of funny stuff happened i think that at the time you'd be like oh i'm too cool for school it's not that funny but don't looking back it's like some of those teachers did have some good jokes like they had some good shit every once in a while maybe i was just lucky in that way but anyway i don't enjoy myself back to cat murder uh we could go i i love this this fucking clip of sam kennison ranting about uh the vietnam war but maybe

everyone doesn't it's it's from uh back to to School, where Rodney Dangerfield is like a tycoon millionaire, and he goes back to school for some reason, I don't remember. And the question comes up in class, like, why did we lose the Vietnam War, or something like that? And he just blows a fucking gasket, and just starts screaming as is.

Let's watch this. Let's start at 30 seconds. I love it. I've seen this a thousand times. I'll need a second. And for those who don't know, Sam Kinison was a huge comedian at this time. He used to be a preacher. They turned to this really dirty, manic, screaming comic who was known for just being a real wild man, lots of drug use and stuff. I know Joe Rogan's a huge fan.

A lot of comedians like Kinison. He stresses me out. I'm listening to his comedy and he's screaming the whole goddamn time. Then he'll tamp it back, but it's never tamping it back enough. It'd be like if a scary movie had

a jump scare every six seconds. Yeah, he screams. He goes on these rants. He's real high energy. He has no Jeb Bush. I think he was just doing a lot of coke. I think that was really it. Because I'm pretty sure that's what killed him as well. I'm ready. Yeah, anytime. Ready, set, play.

I'm not going to be able to do it. First class, I did good, huh? I just think you better cool it with Dr. Brabe. Dr. Brabe, he don't know his dick. Even if he tells him like it ain't. Yeah, well, you know what he knows how to do flunk it flunk me flunk him okay great attitude look do you at least know your next classes contemporary american history professor turgeson burgesson well you know him is he good well he's uh really committed in fact i think he was just just keep your head down keep

your mouth shut you should be all right i I'll see you in England. All right. Welcome to Contemporary American History. I'm Professor Turchison. You know, a lot of people think history is just facts. It's just information about the past, but not me. I mean, I hold history very sacred. Sacred. The way the farmer looks at the earth and he holds it sacred. The way a Christian takes the Bible and he holds it sacred. The way a lot of people hold their marriage sacred. So why don't we dive right in by interpreting one of the easiest events in the last 20 years of American history. Now, can someone tell me why in 1975 we pulled our troops out of Vietnam. The failure of Vietnamization to win popular support caused an ongoing erosion of confidence in the various American but illegal Saigon regimes. Our girl's crying.

Is she right? I don't know if that's the popular version of what went on there. I know a lot of people like to believe that. She's so upset. I wish I could, but I was there. I wasn't here in a classroom hoping I was right, thinking about it. I was up to my knees in rice paddies with guns and Edwards going up against Charlotte, slugging it out with him while pussies like you were back in a party and putting headbands on,

doing drugs, listening to the goddamn Beatle album. This is the most 80s looking room. Wow. I didn't know you wanted to get involved with the discussion, Mr. Helper. But since you want to help, maybe you can help me. I'm looking forward to this. About 30 years ago, we had that Korean conflict. I like the way you think. How come it didn't cost me 38 parallel and push those rights? I take the work from this fucking prick and do it back to this fucking stone age runner. I'm gonna watch you. Seems to care.

Man, that seems like a funny movie. I've never seen that. Yeah, that's a really good one. If you like Rodney Dangerfield, you'll like that. I think Rodney Dangerfield was hilarious, right? He died a died a while back yeah yeah he's been for a long time he looked like he was dead when he was in his prime fucking guy like like where did he start like it was like he came out of the womb and was 50 like like i don't know what a young rodney dangerfield looks like he always looked old and like and really ugly really really uh he didn't start his career as a comedian

until he was like 50 or something. Interesting. Those old school comedians had it easy. Correct me if you guys know differently, but I'm told back in the day, comedians would come up with jokes and they would just do that routine for their entire career.

They didn't have to come up. Now, you'd come up with a whole new routine every single year. You can't use last year's jokes this year. But back in the Dangerfield days or even before him, people would just do the same jokes for 15 years in a row. Well, with no internet, it was way easier to recycle those bits probably. He's just trying to get that joke to a new person.

The whole Louis C.K. do a new special every year. I hope that they move away from that trend like the comedians do because ever since Louis started doing that, his specials have become not good. I watch his specials wanting to like them and his last couple have just been not funny. Like the one where he's standing on the circle and it's

revolving. The idea of doing a special every year is kind of ridiculous anyway if you think about it. Their first special is going to be an amalgamation of their whole life pretty much, right? It's like everything that I – it's a 30-year-old comedian. This is my first special. This is 30 years of me saving up, and now you're telling me that, oh, yeah, good one, good job. But in 2018, we need all new shit, all new shit.

So like in the next year, I'm going to get enough life experiences and then simultaneously write jokes about them to fill a special next year. It just doesn't make sense. I'm not interested in hearing the same joke twice. I will agree. It's really hard to be good for a long time, right? One, because like you said, your first special gets to be 30 years of experience. Your second special is like the most recent year. You lose it.

Two, you you know this popularity bell curve just like tv shows just like youtube channels you know when the guy is new and fresh you just so in love and then you know whatever louis ck could do a special as good as one three years ago tomorrow and i'll to me it's like oh i guess but there's this new guy over here who's so bright and shiny that I like him more. I don't know. If you look at, like, Eddie Murphy specials, all of those are good. If you look at Rock, his specials are great. And each one is different, you know?

Like, each one is a different thing. Chris Rock. Chris Rock. Oh, yeah. You know, it's not what I said. It's not, like, his first special was an amalgam, you know, jokes from his first 20 years of life. And then his second one was, it was like the first one was about some shit and the second was about some other shit you know like he's hitting race topics and all kinds of stuff i really like chris rock i hope he's about i think he's about to do some new stuff he went

through a divorce last year he'd been married for a really really long time and i think he's one of those guys who like had never been single and rich and famous simultaneously. So like, I've heard, I've heard that like, he's gotten into Leonardo DiCaprio, his little crew of people, like those guys who just ride around and,

and like the Baltic on a big ass yacht with like never married models. Dude. Yeah. Yeah. I'm a nice guy. I want him to be happy and et cetera. But if Bill Burr gets divorced, we're going to get some of the best comedic material that's ever been done.

Oh, my God. I want worse than divorce. I want tragedy. I want it to be bad. I want bad because he's got a kid too. And I've said this to Chiz before. He's like, oh, he's got a kid though. They're not getting divorced.

I'm like, kid dies too. Jesus Christ. Like we need some crazy shit to go down. Put him on the train track. Yeah the train track she just needs to cheat I swear if she cheats Bill Burr will go so funny it's one of those things where like you don't like you know I mean

really good comedy seems to come from tragedy like all the comedians like it seems like every comedian out there who has like their funniest bit is like man I was such a fucking loser in my early 20s or i just doing this and that and oh i'm such i'm so pathetic i'm so and it's like you're just indulging your own self-hate in a way like i really hope that he and neo work out and i hope that they all are happy there but if something ever did happen that kind of tragedy is going to lead to like a george carlin kind

of special george carlin was married, right? Or was he, did he get divorced? I don't even know. I don't know anything about his personal life. In my mind, he's like, he's not even like a person. God, he's so funny. I love those. I love listening to his stuff because it's almost philosophical.

It really is philosophical. It's a mixture of both. There's as much philosophy mixed into a George Carlin special as there is jokes and you know he really he got way too much like look at how fast I can talk and way less like I'm making jokes like I don't remember what special that was

I feel like he's overrated people are going to hate hearing that when I look back at his stuff like I didn't like the central thesis of everybody but me is stupid. And it seemed like all of his jokes revolved around this notion, like, this is my stuff, but it's your shit. Ever noticed that? You know, I'm so smart and my things are good.

And, oh, my God, everyone's so dumb for not lining up with me politically. Everyone's so dumb for not realizing the things I realize. And after a while, I'm just like, dude, get over yourself. I like it. See, that's the funny part to me. It's like, hey, do you ever consider, we all know what a flamethrower is, right? But do you ever consider what has to happen for someone to invent

the flamethrower? You gotta see some people over there and think, I'd like to burn them alive, but I don't want to go over there just now. Like, this whole bit about the flamethrower cracks me up. Yeah, I don't think to go over there just now like this whole bit about the flamethrower cracks me up and it's not just he is like yeah i don't think he's overrated but you have to appreciate him the same way like you appreciate muhammad ali or something where it's like they really got to new places or a guy like richard pryor like he's just as good as an example

as uh carlin like i don't think prior's stand-up is really funny because i wasn't around back then i don't understand all the cultural references and whatnot and it's not as shocking and like holy shit as you know comedy now but it doesn't mean that he wasn't an excellent one of the best stand-up comedians you know it just is a different era of comedy kind of i don't know maybe that doesn't make any sense so i'm about to add joe kind of that doesn't make any sense so I'm about to add Joe and for viewers I'll fix the format

when he joins you should probably let him know we're like hey Joe what's up we're live so just keep all your racist rants to a minimum I can't promise what he's going to say so dude coming off a win yup I can't promise what he's going to say.

So, dude, coming off a win? Yep. Kind of, I guess. I'm glad I was allowed to come back despite the extenuating circumstances. Oh, fuck that. No, so I watched the whole card. I thought it was a pretty good card. And, man, I felt bad for BJ at the end.

But as far as your fight, and I watched your... Hang on a second. Go ahead. You sound like a fucking crane. You're just making so much noise. Okay, I'll bring her to you later. I like that Joe is so fine saying, like, yeah, didn't really win that

but I'll take it yeah that's what I was going to ask him about it's like a shootout victory I saw him giving some interviews and stuff talking about that it's such a weird situation what went down yeah I will let you field the questions

I do not know enough I'm really here now so I watched that thing from from beginning to end it uh it looked to me like you were you had the edge on the striking i i felt like that the whole way through and in the first when you were dropping elbows on him um that meant a lot to on my scorecard and i think it meant a lot on the judge's scorecard too because i god i didn't think he was gonna make it out of that did you like were those landing were you were like like like when you it's hard to tell on tv that was some travis brown shit right there like like sometimes i can't tell if those are like

like if i got hit by one of those how would i i thought he was knocked out for sure um so people i saw some people complaining saying i was hitting the back of the head they were like perfect elbows right in the ear yeah um landed a whole bunch of shots like right in a row like he he completely i can i could feel him like like slumping down something down something down lifeless body and that was why i hipped forward and i i was a little aggressive on i think i hit too hard into him and um he woke up the second i hipped in and then he just put his arm up like i don't know if he knew what was going on i thought like oh, he's just not that conscious I'm definitely gonna break his arm here right now, and he woke up and scrambled out and

Couldn't really about it. I wish I had not gone for the arm lock in hindsight But it would have been awesome if I had broken his arm Yes It would have been awesome if you broke his arm because I saw his like I saw his like pre fight stuff and he and he's Like talking about his his ankle or his toe lock, and everything. He's like, if I get the leg, I break the leg. And I was like, this is who Joe's about to fight. This is going to be fun.

And he's right. He's right. He's really good at it. It's not that he sucks. He's a very good grappler. He's really good at jiu-jitsu. Way better than I thought he was going to be. I did a lot of grappling and training and stuff like that,

but a lot of it was focused on leg locks because we thought he was going to be. I did a lot of grappling and training and stuff like that, but a lot of it was focused on leg locks because we thought he was going to go for leg locks a lot. His basic thing, a lot of times I don't go for leg locks anymore because you have to dedicate both your hands to one limb. Usually you're dedicating obviously a leg, so they have two hands. They can usually punch you and hit you pretty well. But he's kind of the

type where he'll go for leg locks and if he's getting hit he'll keep trying to go for the leg locks which is what we wanted honestly we wanted him to go for that leg lock yeah and then we wanted to you know bring him you know crush the skull like leading up to this like that was that was my experience i thought was gonna happen i was like in the transition between him trying to take joe down and joe like going down to one knee or even getting taken down or whatever happens, there's going to be a moment where Joe's going to be faster on the transition, and he's the better striker. He's the guy that when we pop up off the ground,

he's going to get that jab, and he's going to fucking knock this guy silly and rough him up. And then in hindsight, those elbows were great because they landed, but I fucked up my elbows so bad. You can't see it that much now. Oh, yeah, I can, yeah. The swelling's gone down so much since then.

It was, like, ballooned way out to here. Like, I can actually feel the bones in my elbow now. I couldn't feel it before. It was like a water balloon. And so that was part of the thing. So going into the fight, my wrist is pretty messed up. So this wrist, I get both my arms straight up and down, right? Yep.

Back this up a little bit. So this wrist is my good wrist. This will go down all the way like that, right? Straight up and down. This one goes to like there. So you can see the difference of like this one goes, you know, 90 degrees. This one's like not even close. How'd you mess it up?

Grappling, just doing jiu-jitsu. I was blocking on someone's hip, and they threw their hip, and it just jammed it back. And I kind of screwed myself because I was taping it up to protect it, but I was taping it too much because i was training i was taping every time i trained i'm training twice a day so um it just i just lost all the range of motion it went from so right now that's straight up and down right that's as far as it'll go before it was stuck basically it would go to like there and that

was it like i could hardly bend at all what the doc says uh i didn't really go and see a doctor per se no i, I didn't. I didn't go to a surgeon, but I have a bunch of PTs that I see and I use. It was basically just like I had the bones. They were all jammed up. Everything was just over tight. It was protecting it. So I got a lot of the range of motion back, but it was tough.

So I had kind of a sore wrist going into it, and it wasn't stopping me from grappling. Honestly, it wasn't stopping me from doing anything, but it puts a little bit more emphasis on my right hand. So, like, I'm grabbing. I'm not grabbing my hands together. I'm grabbing, like, here. So I'm grabbing on.

I'm using my good wrist to grab onto my bad forearm, I guess, and pull in. But now I bang up this elbow. And now this elbow and this arm that's been doing all the work can't do anything because it's so swollen and so stiff. And, like, I couldn't throw right hands the way I wanted to. I couldn't box the way I wanted to. I couldn't box the way I wanted to. I couldn't maneuver him around. I couldn't body lock him. I couldn't shoot takedowns.

I couldn't. I was, like, I severely limited myself because I blew my load. I thought for sure I had him finished with the elbows. So I threw a bunch of elbows, and my elbows were hurting. But my elbow was hurting when I was landing. But I just, you know, I was elbowing him in the head. It seemed like it was worth it. Yeah, I thought it was worth it.

Yeah. And I think it was. I think it won you the fight because, like, for those that don you know, I was elbowing him in the head. It seemed like it was worth it. Yeah, I thought it was worth it. Yeah. And I think it was. I think it won you the fight because, like, for those that don't know, it was this exhaustive ground fight that went on and on where he wasn't landing effective strikes. He was just controlling the action a lot and just getting on top and grinding a lot, a lot of dry humping. And I was glad that they scored it the way they did.

I think it's good for the sport. I think it's good for the sport that it scored that way. So people might not know, in 2017 the rules changed. And it used to be they gave more emphasis on position and octagon control than they do today. Today it's about damage, damage, damage.

In some places. So I'm going to steal Woody's thunder. Go ahead. Explain. So basically there's the unified rules, which is what everyone's followed for years and years, right? Which is, you know, that's when we're allowed to knee, when we're allowed to elbow, what's a down opponent, what's everything. And that's pretty much like universally across the entire country and the whole world. It's unified rules.

This is what happens. Well, now that they've updated the unified rules. So in some places you can do this, but in other places you have to stick to the old stuff. So they basically fixed some things like the judging criteria. They changed how rounds should be scored. Like for the most part, you know, a 10-9 round is supposed to be, you know, someone that, you know, won a round. Most rounds. And a 10-8 is like a super, like, I kicked your ass the entire fight, so you're going to get a 10-8.

But they're trying to make it so that's more like a 10-7 round is when you're really kicking someone's ass so like it's so two 10-9 rounds could be one could be a 10-9 one could be a 10-8 even though they're they're still both competitive yeah so there's new judging and part of the new judging is that um it used to be striking aggression octagon control and aression, Octagon Control, the four categories. But they were never supposed to be evenly weighted, but there was never any clarification on what was going on. Well, I thought that Octagon Control was only supposed to be taken into account in some certain situation. Well, that was how some people interpret it, but it was never set out.

Everyone had their own interpretation of the rules. But now it's clearly saying that, okay, striking and grappling are number one and number two. Like, if you can't decide based on those, then you go to... Oh, yeah. If the fight was almost all striking, right, then, okay, striking is going to be weighted a little bit more than the grappling and vice versa. In our particular fight, he had a bunch of takedowns to me. To me, that's the end of the world. We did not want to let him take us down.

When he was taking me down, I'm like, fuck, he's winning the rounds, he's doing this. I always struck him on the ground. I was hitting him a lot more than he was hitting me. I almost finished him in the first. The was hitting him a lot more than he was hitting me. I almost finished him in the first. The arm lock in the second was super close. So I think that was why the judges gave it to me. At the time, I was so focused on we can't let him take me down, we can't let him take me down, that I was like, oh, I definitely lost.

When he took me down to the third round, I'm like, fuck. You know what I mean? I'm trying to not let him do this, and I'm trying to. My coaches, Steve Mays and box coaches, tell me what to throw for combinations. But every time I can't, I'm trying to not let him do this and I'm trying to, you know, my coaches, you know, Steve Mays and Bosco just tell me, you know what to throw for combinations. But every time I come forward,

I get taken down. He's timing you so well. Yeah. I want to ask about that. I've got two questions I need to need to ask. The first one, I saw you at a post-fight interview say, dude,

you're not going to get tossed out of the UFC. I'm going to talk to, and then I forget the guy's name. Maybe the new Joe. Sean Shelby. Sean Shelby. Did you talk to Shelby? Yep. You did name maybe the new John Shelby Sean Shelby did you talk to Shelby yep you did I shit on him I tried to get him a raise too I think I think he's safe

I think he's safe at this point okay um he should be he should be you know I'm like yeah he's definitely UFC caliber fighter and I asked Sean Shelby I'm like what you know what do you know you're definitely gonna keep him around he's like he's owing to in the UFC and I think he's kind of busting my balls I don't think he really planned UFC. And I think he's kind of busting my balls. I don't think he really planned to get rid of him anyways. But he's kind of busting my balls in the UFC. Like, he's just playing, you know, point-counterpoint with me. And I'm like, yeah, okay, he fought Diego at altitude. Diego's an absolute animal.

You know, he threw him to a shark. Cardio man. And I'm like, you know, and I think I'm pretty freaking good too. And, you know, and I thought he won the fight. I'm like, who do you think he won the fight? He's like, I thought he EQ'd you out. I'm like, okay, perfect. So he's 1-1.

Don't cut him. If you thought he won the fight, I'm like, who do you think he won the fight? He's like, I thought he EQ'd you out. I'm like, okay, perfect. So he's one and one. Don't cut him. If you thought he won the fight, don't cut him. You know? And he's like, oh, are you his manager now? I'm like, I got to do something after I'm done fighting. You know? I'm like, you know, he could use a raise too. The other thing, you're not known for being easy to take down.

What happened? He had really good juju. was just timed really, really well. It was a good takedown. So, like, I take down people a lot of times. If you see me shoot, it's because I time it well or set it up well. He was setting me up perfectly. He did such a good freaking job. He made me look like a complete rookie on all that stuff.

You know, and I have a pretty good takedown defense. Right. But there were a whole bunch of things that we were working on for throwing, throwing like when he tried to take us down we worked on the right uppercut worked on a left knee we worked on like a front kick which is a teep we worked on a whole bunch of different things to you know kind of like traps we kind of had set like things we wanted to try to discourage him from shooting with and every time i threw punches he would time it just right when i was like there were periods like especially in the second and third where i wasn't being super active with punches because i'm kind of waiting for him i'm thinking okay he's gonna try and shoot and take me down so i'm kind of getting there i'm

kind of i'm waiting to hit him with these traps and he just never fucking does it you know he doesn't shoot and then i'm like oh and my coach is screaming at me to do this do that and i'm like i know i'm like i'm nodding them like i'm I'm motioning to them. Like, I'm good. I'm good. And then the second I come forward, he takes me down. I was like, it's so frustrating. He just – It was like you had a tell. He was watching you lick that Oreo, and he was like, oh, here it comes. He knew it was coming.

Yeah. It looked clean, his takedowns. It really was timing because he was doing it in a way that, like, he's not reacting to something you're doing and then going. He's reacting to something you're doing and like, uh-oh, now is the time, and it's perfect. He took me down I think five times, and two of them were kind of times where I thought I could get a guillotine.

And I shouldn't wrap it up, and it wasn't like I was in a great point to stop the takedown, but I probably could have fought the takedown a little bit more, but I thought I could get my hands around his neck. So I kind of... Another thing, when people try to take you down, a lot of times you're ready with the sweep, but he would usually have good position after the takedown. He had great position.

You know, we didn't give him enough credit for his jiu-jitsu, that's for sure. Like, I kind of thought he was going to, you know, if he was on top, he was going to be dropping for a leg, or the second I opened my guard and I moved for something, he was going to drop for a leg, and he just didn't do that. You know, he didn't take the bait He just he did a great job. Yeah, I bet that guy wins his next fight as soon as his strike and matures a bit Yeah, he's gonna be he's gonna be dangerous And he had me with a couple like, you know

Right what I feel were like his best shots like in the first round He'd be like one or two like really good shot and I completely I felt like I completely shake it off Like it didn't bother me. i was watching you because i'm like motherfucker like this guy should not be hitting me yeah i was watching you and i think i've seen you when you're hurt and it's and i hate seeing it but i was like okay he's not hurt he yeah he looks but that did that that it's you looked at i was like there i feel like there's a transition where you like you got punched a little

and you just look mad you were just like yeah all right you fucker the worst the worst thing in a minute i think it was in the first round he kneed me in the head one time we were in a clinch and like i was just like i was hanging my head off to the side a little bit and usually i like to do it because i like to bait people like for them to go try to knee me and i like to try and scoop the leg and take them down you know what i mean but he just it just i think i was like stepping so i couldn't quite bring my head up at the right when i wanted to and he freaking hit me and like it wasn't hard but i was like stepping, so I couldn't quite bring my head up when I wanted to, and he freaking hit me. And like it wasn't hard, but I was like, motherfucker. Like this is just – it's just nothing was going the way I wanted it to.

So when I watch the fight, there's a lot of times during a fight where like there's not – they're in a clinch against a cage or something. There's not a lot of action. And I'll see there's like these little like – I don't know. The guys want to look like they're working, right? know they don't get food and so there'll be little punches like this yep and stuff like that what i feel like in my normal life somebody hits me like that it's like god yeah like you messed up my night like like i'm gonna have to ice this i think and a guy will take like seven of those rapidly like those fucking hurt right like you're a human

being they they hurt so i mean like it's all about expectation though you know what i mean like if i'm gonna fight that those punches are really not gonna bother me those are not gonna ruin my night you know if i'm sitting here like this and katie comes in and slaps me upside the face fuck you know like but i i did great like i i hit him i i did such a good job when i was on my back i beat the crap out of him i I felt like, from my back. I agree 100%. I definitely would say, since you've done it, have you watched it again? I watched a super crappy bootleg version on YouTube when I was flying home.

And then I watched it for real yesterday. I was wondering if upon re-watching it, you did better than you thought you did. Because I think you did better than you thought you did. I did better than I thought I did, but I'm still very you know how i performed and how i did certain parts of it you know like there were some aspects that i just like i'm i did not do a good job like i did not do a good job in the clinch i did not we worked all camp about keeping separation and not crashing and not you know not getting to a grappling match this kid you know keeping him at the end of our punches in the entire fucking fight i would throw a punch and i would i would clinch up with him

and then i would let him bully me and put me on the fence and like i did that probably six times it was like just dumb stupid on my i had that observation too and i'm i'm super careful not to tell you how to fight but it seemed like sometimes you almost willingly went back to the fence and it was like no no like you were supposed to resist that um i i so i don't mind in general i don't mind when my back is on the fence like i'm pretty comfortable with my take down the fence he took me down i think one time off the fence one or two times off the fence um but usually i don't mind being on my fence i don't mind having my butt on the fence because i can land some good i can work some good ground upon

stuff i can you know generally reverse people put them on the fence or i can escape away um there's a lot of things that i like to do so like i wasn't super aligned about it but i was just i was an idiot i was like i was like why am i i was throwing a punch or two i was clinching and then i was letting him put me on the fence it was just dumb um i think again it was just i was i was frustrated i was trying not to get taken down and i'm thinking like oh if i'm gonna clinch he's not gonna take me down i think most observers see the guy on the fence as the one who has the worst position the one who's being placed there. Yeah.

You know, being pressured. For the most part, but it's one of those positions I don't mind being there. Like, we like to work out of bad positions all the time. So, like, I'll get guys that maybe aren't as good as me, so I'll let them put me on the fence, and I'll work out of there, and I'll do a good job. But he just did a good job. He's a big, strong kid, like I said. It's kind of a known quantity, isn't it? You know, if you're out in the middle of the of the octagon like anything could happen but it's like it's like

a position you can you can work on and familiarize yourself but it's always the same when your ass is against the against the cage i guess i felt i felt there was never a point in the fight even when he was on my back where i didn't feel safe i felt like very safe the entire time but i felt safer when he was pushing me up against the fence than I did out at open range. He wasn't dangerous on top on the ground at all. I see guys – I watch a lot of fights, and I see sometimes a guy gets on top, and it's like, oh, no. Like if my guy is the guy on the bottom, I'm like, oh, shit. Oh, the elbows are coming, and you'll hear the elbows miss,

and it's just this boom as it hits the fucking mat. You're like, oh, God, one of them is going to hit in a minute. He speaks pretty good English, but obviously it's like broken english he's like you know he's he's from poland so you know i i don't like he told he definitely told me that i knocked him out with the elbows you know i know that for sure as people on reddit were asking like oh you know talking about if it was a knockdown no it was a hundred percent that you know he said i knocked him out and then um they were telling me his coaches telling me that the plan was to never to even try to submit me on the ground it wasn't even to beat me up i think that their plan their entire

plan was you know throw punches take me down and then break away throw punches take me down break away and basically try to just steal time off the clock for a time of control like they like because they didn't that's what it looked like to me yeah that's why i was mad watching the whole fight honestly at him because it seemed like a lesser fighter sort of exploiting uh i don't know the scoring system it seemed like a lesser fighter exploiting the the scoring system and like what and he was focused on doing that he was like it was all about that takedown and just holding on to you it was never about like i'm gonna do something spectacular i think if it wasn't for the new judges and the new criteria i think he wins that fight.

I agree. He won that fight in 2016. That's why I like what happened. Here's the other thing. I bet you do too. I'm okay with it because I got paid for my wind bony. But it's just crappy. Here's the other thing that was confusing.

So for my last fight, the fight with Jim Miller. So I was in blue shorts, but I was the red corner. Yeah. Right? So he was in black shorts or white shorts or something like that, but he was the blue corner. So it was very confusing because a lot of times judges are not – you like to think that fighters are really, really smart people

and they take their job really seriously, but a lot of us don't. They don't really train very hard. They don't do this. They're good athletes. They're really talented. They put in a half-assed camp or whatever, but they still fight amazingly. It's just the way it goes. But a lot of judges the same thing right so they don't necessarily you know they don't really take their job super serious they don't give a shit

they're getting paid you know a couple hundred dollars to be there for the night and they're gonna get a good view of the fights and watch and whatever some some take it seriously but not everyone so um so when i fought miller i argued that i 100 had that fight like no question like i thought that the striking was very close. I thought maybe he edged me out a little bit on the striking. But I took him down so many times. I was on top for, like, over half the fight. I think something like 17 out of 19 media outlets, you know, had you winning.

29 out of 30. Okay. 29 out of 30. Yeah, all right. That's what I saw. Right? So we were arguing that even that night. We were saying, you know, after the fact, like, you know, did the judges fuck it up?

Did the judges not know who was who? Because I had a little bit of red tape on my gloves, but I'm wearing blue shorts. So today, he's like, oh, blue won it because I'm wearing the blue shorts. And then Jim Miller's the other guy. He's in the blue corner. And the number one rule of judging is you never admit when you fucked up. Yeah. Right?

So they're not going to say shit because they don't you know ruin their own reputation or whatever and never get to work a fight again so we argued that that was a problem right so now we come around for this fight with marcia marching health so i'm in the red corner but i have blue shorts because if you're american you your choice of shorts colors is blue black and. Because for whatever reason, Americans have blue as their color. He's from Poland. So his choices are black, white, and red. So I am blue shorts in the red corner. He is red shorts in the blue corner.

So I brought it up to the UFC's attention. Like, look, I think this fucked me in the last fight. Like, can we get this all squared away? Can I be in here? I'm like, because I'm supposed to. I i was the favorite so i was supposed to walk second so the favorite always walked second that's why the champion always walked second everything like that so the favorite always walked second so our champion always watched second if it's not a shit title fight the the favorite always watched second so i was the favorite so i was supposed to walk second

i was supposed to be in the red corner but i I'm like, I don't care about walking second. I will walk first. I don't give a shit. You know, I want to, if I win, I want it to be the judges because the judges picked me. If I lose, I want it to be because the judges picked him. I don't want there to be any confusion. And like, well, we can't change the corners. We don't allow the fighters to have any say on the corners they're in.

I'm like, okay. I'm like, well, can we both wear different color shorts? Well, you can, you know, you can choose to wear a different color. So you can not wear blue. You can wear black or white. But we can't do anything about him. And at that point, now we're like a couple days into the fight. I don't really want to contact him.

I don't want to get trying to him. I don't want to do anything. So I'm like, all right. Hey. I thought about it. I really thought about it. And then I'm thinking when we got the judges when we got the judge I'm like fuck did it screw him this time you know did they did

they see him in the red shorts in the in the blue big oh red one red one is I have red tape on my gloves I don't I don't know you know uh I don't know and again judges would never admit it if it were yeah they wouldn't no of course not I Yeah, they would look like a complete idiot if they were like, actually, we thought red corner blue pants won, and we voted for blue pants red corner. I'm so sorry. You guys, the way the judges – the things are is like there's three columns with three different judges, and it'll say the person's last name. It'll say short cut. It'll say their corner, red or blue. But if you just look at it, you just look up real quick.

It's got blue. You circle it because you're kind of under pressure time wise because you have to like you know you get someone there give me your score give me a score you gotta freaking think about it you gotta decide you gotta write in the score and you gotta hand it off so i don't know it's easy to mess up so easy to mess up a question about the judges i don't know if this even makes sense for it but is there ever a time where you're like oh i know that bill richardson or whatever is going to be one of the judges and he always tends to enjoy striking or he really really appreciates good jujitsu for the most part i'm sure i can probably look into it but it's like

we don't like we don't really know who the ref is going to be we don't know who the judges are going to be we don't really know anything and like i don't know if there's any really statistical data like that is uh easily accessible i know that there's i don't know if it's fightnomics uh there's a there's a couple you know websites that they kind of keep track of that stuff and they can say when you know someone's been on like the opposite whenever there's a split decision oh it's you know this guy's been you know on the wrong end of split decisions like you know 90 of the time or whatever um but it's not something we look into if you could pick your ref who would you pick um there's a bunch of guys that do great i'll tell you what like like there are three that i like like so there's mario yamasaki or something

there's there's uh herb dean and there's a big john that come to mind and if i were in there i would definitely want big john and i'll tell you why I know that he's big enough and strong to protect me from anyone he can grab that guy take even if that guy's like if I have somehow knocked this in this person out and he goes like crazy and starts fighting the ref then like you're picking the wrong ref to fight yeah and it seems like honestly I've seen herb like let people go way too far and get beaten the fuck down I I've seen him do it a couple of times. It depends.

I love that big John ref because I know he's 100% going to let me fight, but if I get in trouble, he's going to know when to stop it. Herb Dean does a good job. He did a great job. He's been there before. I've had fights where he was the ref when I fought Kenny Florian

and he elbowed me in the back of the head so I always want to shake my hand at him a little bit. But he's done a great job in all my other fights since then, so I don't really care. I like Yves Levine because he was there when I fought Jim Miller the first time, and he let us keep fighting. You know what I mean? He knew that I wanted to be there. He knew that it wasn't bothering me. Other referees might have been a little bit gun-shy.

Did he call the doctor over? I don't know. In that fight, Joe's talking about he got a cut in his forehead, and it impacted his vision, but Joe didn't have any quit in him, and he let him fight. Did he call the doctor over? I don't recall. No.

Yeah, yeah, I think they did. But it wasn't like, you know, but I – people always – Mike Chiesa. When I fought Mike Chiesa, I elbowed him, and I opened, or I kneed him and I opened up a huge cut over his eye. And he was like pissed that they didn't let him keep fighting, you know. But if you watch that fight, when the doctor's checking, he's like, keeps like pulling away and shying away and trying to not let the doctor look at it. Whereas I was like, look, I'm good. I'm like looking at the doctor right in the eye. Like, I am completely fine.

I want to fight. I want to be here. I'm not looking for an excuse. Let me fight. Like, okay. Like, you're an an adult you know what's going on yeah we're gonna let you fight you know it's superficial it's not like your fucking eye socket is caved in or something what's it like to have blood in your eye before we get there the big thing on cuts sometimes there's all nerves in your face that's a big reason about why they they stop fights because if i cut maybe it's not

like a fight ending cut like as far as like it's it could be impacting your vision but it could also be that you know if it's right where a nerve is they don't want you to not have an ability to move your face and you know all this other stuff so that's a big reason why there's um i saw it again i saw it on reddit i saw it somewhere but someone posted like a diagram of like all the different nerves and like where cuts are bad spots and where good spots you know and i think that's kind of a bigger thing you know doctor's like oh that cut doesn't look that bad but there's a big fucking nerve right there and you're gonna have you know the left side of your face can be paralyzed yeah so that's kind of a big thing you go around and let the guy start digging in there describe what it's like to have blood in your eye um so i've had some

fights where i've been like a small cut and it's just that's honestly it's almost like more annoying because it's like a it's intermittent like kind of dripping and kind of getting your face a little bit it's kind of annoying when i fought jim miller think about if you got your shower and you just like looked up into the shower and it's like spraying you in the face except it's like this thick mucusy red stuff just keeps coming um in the back of your head though like are you thinking at the time, like, goddamn, I'm pretty hardcore. I'm bleeding like this.

Look at all these bitches out in the crowd. They could bleed like this. I'm thinking that I have a whole bunch of money on the line, and if this fight gets stopped, it's gone. I got to make something happen right away. And after that fight, I took a shower. I don't know where all the fucking blood was coming from. It was, like, in my armpits, like, back of my shoulder, like, in my shorts.

It was so much. It was so much. I just remember getting in the shower, and, like, it just seemed like the red. Like, it wasn't fresh blood. It was all blood that had, like, been caked on me, like, layers of it. And, like, just, like, pouring. It was, like, the most disgusting thing ever. Ah.

Gross. Yeah. The only thing that comes close to that for me is paintball afterwards but you know it's a rainbow colored swirl on the shower so it's not easy to get off but i put in the time yeah i scrub and so so yeah i was really happy when i got that when i heard the decision i was like it. That's great. Joe won because it was super close. I didn't know who won. I thought I lost.

So between rounds. So the first round happens. We think that we have the first round, right? But we say it's close. You know what I mean? It was close. I had all those elbows, but he got a takedown on me. He was on top.

Like it was, you know, I definitely think that the first round was the most decided round, and it was in our favor. Yeah. But it wasn't. But it wasn't. It wouldn't have been completely out of the question if like some judge had given it to him you know so we always assume a close round is his second round happens and i had a really close arm lock but he was on top most of the round like he he took me down like so it's like it's like it could have been my round but it's not it wasn't clear enough we have to assume he

has it we gotta assume it's one-to-one so So now it's like, dude, you got to like, Steve Mays is telling me, dude, you got to freaking, you got to, you got five minutes to change the outcome of this fight. You know, you're going to lose this fight.

So I go at it and I get taken down like right away. And I'm like, motherfucker. Like, um, I'm just, I'm annoyed. I'm freaking,

I'm trying to do whatever I can off my back. I'm just not getting anything going. Uh, he has great base. I can't get on top. Fight ends. And I'm just like, I'm pissed.

I'm because I'm like, I lost, you know, he, he got the second and third round, you know, I could have top fight ends. And I'm just like, I'm pissed. I'm because I'm like, I lost, you know, he, he got the second and third round, you know, I could have had the second, but I'm thinking like,

I'm just like, fucking that's terrible. Like I just didn't do a good job in the third round. It just, and it wasn't, I was tired. It was just that I freaking, I couldn't,

I, I, he had really good technique when I was healthy. And then my right arm was kind of junk and I couldn't do a whole lot with it. I couldn't, I couldn't scramble the way I wanted to. I couldn't do much of anything. So I'm like, fuck.

There's no way we got the round. And they're already like – my coach is already talking about like what we can do better and like how we fucked up. But everyone's all depressed. Wow. And then they start reading the judges and they hit 30-27. And I know that that's not me because I didn't do shit in the third round. Yeah.

So they announce him. And then they announce that I got one of the judges on 28. And I'm like and i just like you see me like look at c maze i look inside i'm like get the fuck out of here like and then they announced it's me and right away i'm like you gotta be like nope like completely bad i felt bad because that was me but you did better than you thought you did at that point like it is like i do think it was closer than i thought at that time you know because i'm just i was so focused on the takedowns um but in hindsight you know i i was i was very cool i i had the two points where i was closest to winning the fight the first round with the elbows the second round with the arm lock so i i guess i

understand it but i still i don't feel like it's a fight i won i text your wife after every fight you know she told me. She said you were grumpy. Even backstage and stuff. You have to be the only fighter in history who's had a surprise win called for them and you give a face of like, oh yeah, it's all politics, people. And everyone keeps asking me if there was backlash.

Like, oh, is the ufc pissed you came out and said like no ufc has no that's the thing people think the ufc like employs the judges it's not it's 100 the athletic commission ufc has no say whatsoever and who judges are or or anything like that so ufc doesn't give a shit and if i win then they're they're happy for me because i won at that guy's expense and if that guy wins then they're happy that he won because it's at my expense it doesn't it doesn't really matter to the ufc who wins you then they're happy that he won because it's at my expense. It doesn't really matter to the UFC who wins. They want a guy like Conor McGregor to win because he's such a cash cow. But short of that, they really don't care.

Or Ronda. Nobody has ever wanted anyone to win more than the guys that run the UFC wanted Ronda to win that fight the other day. Yeah, but it doesn't matter because Amanda Nunez, she made a huge name at Ronda's expense. I hope so. I really hope you're right. Yeah. It doesn't matter because Amanda Nunez, she made a huge name at Ronda's expense. I hope so. I really hope you're right. Yeah. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

Do you think Amanda will step up to 145 and beat up Holly after Holly inevitably wins this 145 belt? I think Holly is too good for her. What? Really? You think Holly beats Nunez? Yep. It's a style thing. It's 100% a style thing.

Holly's got such great boxing, and she's so long. Amanda's not going to threaten the takedowns and stuff like that. And you've got to remember, Holly got away from the ground of Ronda. Holly was on the ground with Ronda. She got away. She got back up to her feet. She avoided takedowns. She got a takedown. Yep. And then on top of that, Holly's legit. She's so fucking long, and she's so good.

Her hands are so fucking good. Again, it's all just something that comes out of styles. And Holly's big. There's a reason Holly's going to easily go to 45. Yeah. You know, you make a good argument. I'm thinking Nunez is the best hands ever, but everyone looks good against Ronda when they're throwing punches.

I mean, Ronda's not terrible per se. She's exploited. You know what I mean? She's the seventh best fighter. And if you've got someone who's spent a year training to beat you up when you're one-dimensional like she is, it's not going to go well. I'm pretty sure Steve Mays told me that Holly Holm is the most decorated woman boxer ever.

So I think she's won this world title and that world title and she's just, you know, she's fucking awesome. Kickboxing too, right? Am I crazy? Why do I think that she... I think she has a lot of kickboxers, but I mean, I don't want to offend people, but no one really gives a shit about kickboxing. You know what I mean? Like there's no money in it. You know, like if you're in like K-1 or something like that, then maybe,

but you know, women's... As far as like women athletes go, like MMA, they're making a lot more money. They're making way more money in boxing, in MMA, than they are in boxing or kickboxing. Well, I'm looking forward to seeing that. I want to see that bantamweight division ripen up a little more. Who's number two? It's that Polish chick, like Shovelcheck or something.

What's her name? It's Jacek. Jacek, yeah. But she's littler. She chick like shovel check or something what's her name uh there's jay check but she's jay check yeah but she's littler she's like a 25 or 30 isn't it's 15 phantom oh i don't know yeah uh oh you're thinking um there's a polish chick who's ranked like second in the bantamweight division. She just fought Valentin something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Her last name is Czek. She's Polish, I think. Especially when they get Polish.

Good Lord. But I just thought, I've seen a couple of her fights, and I just didn't think she looked very strong. She just didn't look like she was on the same level as Nunez. Dude, nobody's buying vowels in a Polish wheel of fortune. These are ridiculous names. This is all Ks and Ys and Vs. When they told them like Ys can be a vowel,

they took it very much to heart. So it is the only vowel? Joe, you opened a new gym recently. What's the scoop with that? It's not anma gym what do we do it's not an mma gym it's more of a more of like a kickboxing fitness gym so it's it's it's centered all around you know hitting bags and getting good workout like that kind of like um kind of what the ufc gym is doing so they're doing a lot of like oh train like a ufc fighter train like an mma star and they're doing a lot of like, oh, train like a UFC fighter, train like an MMA star, da-da-da.

And it's basically a lot of the workouts that guys like me will do, but you're not getting hit in the face, which is – honestly, that's ideal. That's what people want. If you had like a – if you put someone that wants to just get in shape and you put them in with my guys that actually fight for a living, they're not going to last half of a round.

You know what I mean? But if you let them hit the bag and let them go through a lot of the same motions but not actually get in the ring with those guys, they have a great time. They do learn how to throw good punches. One of my coaches used to always say that everyone wants to be a badass, but no one wants to take the ass kickings it takes to get there. And that's kind of what we're going with this.

It's basically like, look, you're going to learn how to throw good punches. You're going to learn how to throw good kicks. You're going to get in really good shape. You're going to do all the stuff that fighters do, except you're know how to throw good punches you know how to throw good kicks you're gonna get really good shape you're gonna do all this all the stuff that fighters do except you're not gonna get in the face you're not gonna spot i i get that reminds you that's the best way to fight you ever see that vin diesel movie knock around guys yeah uh vin diesel there's just yeah yeah yeah right yeah go ahead soon and fucking uh so they're all like the sons of mobsters and and Vin Diesel is their like half-Jewish, half-Italian muscle buddy, and they call him in for this job where they've lost some money in a redneck town,

and they figure the first thing we need to do is take control of this town. So they go to the bar, and they find the toughest guy there, and the main guy's even like, yeah, he'll do. He's like the big dude from Dumb and Dumber that wanted to rape Jim Carrey in that stall. I think it's that guy. And Vin Diesel just walks up to him, and the guy just spits on his boot, I think, or something immediately and calls him a faggot. And Vin Diesel just launches into this speech. He's like, 500.

The guy's like, 500 what? Douchebag. And spits the tobacco on him. He's like, 500 fights. that's the number i came up with as a kid figured i needed 500 fights before i could consider myself a legitimate tough guy you learn a lot over those 500 and like you learn a lot over those 500 fights and he takes off his leather jacket to reveal you know vin diesel for this big star the big star of david tattoo on his bicep and when he does that, the guy's like, oh.

Hang on a goddamn minute now. Your story there. He keeps going. He's like, you learn a lot over that time. You get calluses on your knuckles and you learn this and that. First hundred fights you pick up this, then you pick up that, then you lose count. By the time you

can't count. You think maybe you should get a job and you think i'm already in too deep no way i'm never gonna be a cpa my mother won't love me he's like but there's nothing you learn that's more important than this and he grabs him by his lapels and head butts him in the fucking face and drops him and starts kicking the dog shit out of him right there and he doesn't stop like there's a point at the end where he's just like, alright, and a one! And a two! And like, he finally finishes up and the guy comes and he's like, yeah,

that's good enough. He's ready. You know, like, gets down and threatens him. That's a great scene, though. Vin Diesel's like the best tough guy for that movie. So good. I gotta watch this movie. Knock Around Guys. I'll check it out. You can watch that scene. You can watch that fucking scene. Let me do an ad read and maybe you can look yeah that's where it's called knock around guys bar room scene let me tell everyone a bit about movement watches the official time piece of painkiller already at what's seen

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It's a $100 watch, and this really is like a high-quality watch that proud of so check them out very cool yeah i like these watches they've got a certain heft to them when i want to look nice when i want to i don't know put on airs that's what i wear i'm cute at zero all right uh pka big screen are you guys ready i'm good to go anytime i'm ready all right ready set play It's easier than Jesus Christ Brooklyn. Oh great. These are nice guys here Gordon, we were just dancing. Why don't you keep yourself. Oh shit.

Just push that bitch around the face. Just keep your hands up. Good point Joe. That is the core problem. Well you were asking about me me Adam Sandler should have been in that guy's room don't you why did you hit my it's good no I'm broker I'm the guy asking what the fuck you want I am also the guy decides if you and your friends walk the fuck out of here or not.

If my brother was Vin Diesel, he would have crept up behind that guy and punched over the shoulder. Danny's bad ass. 500 what, douchebag? He's on the pants. He wasn't even in the shoes. Fake bean teeth. What's worse? 500 fights. Pants.

That's the number I figured when I was a kid. 500 street fights and you can consider yourself a legitimate tough guy. You need them for experience. To develop leather skin. him a tough guy. You need him for experience. To develop leather skin. So I got started. Of course, along the way, he stopped thinking about being tough and all

that. It stops being the point. Get past the silliness of it all. I like this scene. But then... It's kind of tense. Ah, you're a G. You realize that's what you are. I got no problem with you, all right?

I'll tell you, you learn a lot. None more important than this. You got to watch this movie. What was he thinking to start with? I know, right? He's a doughy redneck. I think it was way bigger than him. Well, he didn't see Vin Diesel.

Yeah, he was picking on the Brooklyn guy. Oh, good body shot. Oh, he's hitting him in the liver over and over. You like his technique, Joe? Oh, he's hitting me in the liver over and over. You like his technique, Joe? I've never seen such a respectful crowd watching a bar fight. Everyone make room.

This is big John. Everybody's shocked. So, Joe, I got a question for you. I was a swimmer in college. I watch people swim for even like one and a half seconds, and I finished all my technique analysis I'm like that fucking dance. We absolutely sucks He shakes his ass and he crosses his arms like in a moment I can tell if someone's a swimmer when you watch Vin Diesel throw a punch Are you like that's an arm punch to get your hip into it?

Well, you know, it's not like he's not trying to really punch. He's trying to like it's like Hollywood punching. It's like it's whatever makes what looks good in that like particular clip. So I can't tell. I mean, I know it could be a badass, but you can't tell. Oh, I expected the opposite. I thought for sure you'd be like, yeah, it's not rotating his hips or something. No, it doesn't matter. I mean, it's not about it's about what looks good.

You know, go watch. I don't know if it's King of Queens or something. looks good you know go watch um i don't know it's king of queens or something but they had like freaking dan henderson and rampage you know he's already getting torn a whole bunch of these guys like all thinking there's like bar and brawl scene and like they're all exaggerating the shit out of everything too yeah is that that scene where they're all beating the shit out of kevin james i think so yeah yeah must be yeah that that think of queens like yeah that's the that's the sitcom with the UPS driver. Yeah, so this is my street. I'm just delivering the mail guy You know like I

I've never seen like a real Huge brawl at a bar breakout or anything But do you think that is any like Have any of you seen it, really? Joe, I'm sure you avoid stuff like that, like the plague, because you don't want to murder someone on accident. Most of what I've seen, it's almost always a sucker punch

and then a dispersion. It's almost always that. It's like things will get out of hand and then somebody comes and throws that punch over a shoulder or something and one of the antagonists gets hurt fairly bad with one bare fucking knuckle punch in a bar he wasn't expecting and that's usually the end of it.

There'll be a guy laying on the floor and then people are just leaving. I just would be surprised like find me one situation in any bar in America where you can walk a lady and then everybody's like hold on, there's a four minute monologue we're gonna go through. Finish your drinks.

We've got a very tough Jew on the other side of the bar. We're going to come up and scare him. Pretty much all my friends, they all train. So it's like if someone's having a problem, first of all, no one's trying to fight. Everyone's trying to defuse the situation. But there's always that one friend that's like positioning people like all strategically,

like around the room, like grabbing someone, like pulling them over here and like placing them right here. And then someone else looping around and pulling everyone like, and before you know it, all of our guys are completely encasing and isolating that one person. Dude. I went to Joe's wedding.

Just in case. Just in case. I went to Joe's wedding and it was like, everyone here can kick my ass oh some of the girls too like oh yeah everyone's cauliflowered ears they're like go ahead i don't remember which girl it was but woody and i were like talking about this sitting at the table like like a bad guy and bad guy and all of those guys with the ears over there yeah like like both of us at the same time yeah probably so yeah yeah it wouldn't matter like your brother was in the back on the uh porch with like harder alcohol and he's like like peer pressuring me into it

and i'm like i really gotta get out of here i think my dad kicked danny out of the wedding like right away like i think we i don't think we'd even walked yet i don't think we did our first dance we didn't do anything and he's like and he him and my cousin were arguing about something and my cousin said something messed up to him, so Danny tried to sucker punch him or something. I didn't know any of this. I didn't catch it. At a wedding? At your wedding.

My dad's a ninja. Yeah, my dad's a ninja and kept it all outside and got Danny out of there. But yeah, always. It was something. I don't know. I didn't know about it. It was my fucking wedding.

I didn't know about it until I heard about it the next day. Dude, I rolled with Danny. I rolled with Danny. It was before the Michael Johnson fight. You know, I hung out with you during the camp. Yeah, glad I could help. And so I rolled with Danny. And ahead of time, I'm like, Danny, you know I'm just a regular person, right?

Like, don't break your toys. And he's like, it's cool. It's cool, Woody. Fuck me up. I had a mouse on my head that was, like, huge. And I don't know if you remember but i felt because i was like dude i'm like he elbowed me he's like dropping elbows on my head we're just doing jits like it wasn't even mma but he's fucking and uh yeah and afterwards i'm like

yeah i'm like joe check this out sincerely that's a piece that's a genuine piece of shit person if you are teaching someone how to fight and you throw an elbow into the back of the... If I'm teaching Kyle how to skate, I don't grab my stick and then slash him in the calves and just watch him fall. See, Kyle, that has nothing to do with skating, but it could happen.

Well, there's somewhere in between. I like my opponent to be rough. If my opponent's not rough, if he's not trying to hurt me at all, I feel like he's – I don't know, like he's mocking me. Still coddled. Yeah, yeah. You want it to feel like they're giving – you're both giving your all. Even if you're the loser, what you don't want to feel like is like someone who doesn't even belong in that situation who's being babied or coddled.

You want to be one of them. You don't want to be treated like a woman or a child stepped in. I'm going to make up numbers. Danny's got like two UFC fights maybe, and I'm going to say like 15 professional fights. So Danny's a fighter. And after I showed Joe my mouse and he was impressed, it made me feel like less of a pussy. He's like, yeah, that qualifies. That's good.

How do I – if I send you a able to can you show it in the stream or on the thing is it on the internet yeah yeah yeah absolutely saying if i get elbowed in the head on day one of any hobby that is the last day of that hobby that's it yeah something on our on our first day of uh of jujitsu we likeitsu, we signed up for whatever period of time, and you get a private lesson the first day. It was kind of bullshit because there was nobody there to give us that private lesson, so they had a girl give it to us who was clearly super amateur, but it was fine. I'll never forget, she's having Jeremy do a choke on her or something,

and he choked the fuck out of her until she choked and gagged. I thought it was funny. I don't think it was funny. It's always funny. People get choked. It's always funny. I think so. You choked me one time.

That was fun. I thought it was funny, and I was the one getting choked. Yeah. What happened here? What's going on with this guy's shoulder? What are we looking at? That's his AC joint that's not connected anymore no he needs to pop that back in my brother dan he needs to pull that right that's like way way beyond so i don't really know exactly but the story is that he uh was playing

can jam you're playing can jam i don't think that is no basically it's like it's like a plastic like trash barrel with a slot in it and you throw a frisbee and if you throw the frisbee and you get it in the top so it's almost like horseshoes so like you're on one end and your teammates on the other end so you throw the you throw the frisbee down there and then your teammate who's down the other end slaps it into the top and you get like one point i think and if you get into the slot of the of the the can jam you get like five points or something like that so supposedly he was diving for a frisbee and he got like a grade three separation of his ac joint that was the great thing slower ac joint i think okay um and then

and then so he told me he needed surgery he needed. But then he was riding a dirt bike like a month later and hadn't done anything about it. And then he wiped out on the dirt bike. And now that is now a grade five separation. Oh, my gosh. How many grades are there? I think five is the worst. Well, six is when they remove the arm. It's just gone.

Your arm's over there. That's a grade six. That's completely separated. That's completely separated. But basically, that's his collarbone. That's his collarbone that you see up high. Okay, wow. It should be down lower.

His shirt must fit differently. He's legitimately less broad-shouldered. Yeah. That collarbone, instead of being connected down here, it's sticking up like this. I blame Obamacare on all of this. Does he still have that, or has he gotten it fixed yet?

No, it's still like that. I don't know how old that is. Stuff happened over the summer. I don't know. It's midwinter, Joe. For those of you who are just listening, this might be a good time to click on over to YouTube and click the timeline

in the description and find a picture of that separation. That looks very painful. Because I know that you can't, like, when your collarbone's broken, like, that's a weird injury healing-wise. Because you can't just, like, cast it up and set it like an arm. Like, it's just kind of floating in there. Yeah. I don't really know how they would do it.

I don't know if he would be in, a complete um like shoulder cast or or what i'm not sure what they would do yeah you may have one of those things where it's like this you know where like his whole shoulder and arm are immobile that's always interesting when people who do really hardcore shit like fight for fun will grievously injure themselves playing like like a yard game just because they're like they take that level of competition and bring it into everything you know like our fucking first round draft pick first overall in 2006 for the st louis blues that asshole played like half a season and then got hurt fucking around on a golf cart and just lost him like that i almost uh The day before I left, I went out to Phoenix

for this last fight. I almost ate shit walking across my parking lot. Ice on the ground. I'm at the gym the last night. Nice, easy. Didn't really do much. Just kind of went to the gym to get my stuff and just break a light sweat. Super safe. Nothing to do wrong. Leaving, carrying a bunch of crap

onto the car. Boxing gloves in my bag. Completely ate shit on the ground. Ate ice feet up in the air are you conscious of that like as you get closer and closer to the fight and it's a and you're like you know no matter what happens i get that fucking show money and then you're do you ever start thinking yourself like you know like man i better be careful on this drive or like let's let's drink this oj slowly let's not choke on a bite of steak or something you know definitely try to think about it a little bit more you know but it's just like it's just stupid stuff like i said literally i slipped on ice it was just dumb why are more

people missing weight uh because so the big thing is the fact that the process is much better now but it's a different process you know so we had a certain process that we've done for years and years and cutting weight is not an easy process right so it's it's very different process, you know, so we had a certain process that we've done for years years and cutting weight is not An easy process right so it's it's very very difficult. You're just barely making the weight You know, you're not trying to if I'm cutting the 56 Which is now fifty six point four if I'm cutting the fifty six point four. I'm not trying to cut the 53 Yeah, I noticed that yeah. Yeah, that's that's impressive. I'm trying to get just there So for years and years, I would start my weight cut.

I would get in the sauna at like 168. I would cut down to like, say, 160 the night before. I would go to bed. I would wake up. If I was 59 or 58 or whatever it was, I would wake up at 58 and I would cut the last couple pounds in the morning. But now the whole entire process is different. So now what it is, I got in the sauna at like 66, so a little bit lighter. Is it different because it's morning?

How is the process? So the difference is that we used to check in with the UFC early in the morning, like not really, but like 9 o'clock in the morning we would check in with the UFC. They would check our weight, make sure we were reasonably close. And then we would have to report back at like 1 or 2 p.m. And at that point we have to be on weight. Then we have a couple hours, and you get on the scale at 5 o'clock. That's when your official weighing is.

Now, we get on the scale at 9 a.m., and we're good. You have to be on weight at 9 a.m. You either have to get up early, like 5, 6 in the morning, so you can go to the sauna and cut weight, or you have to do what I do, which is I cut down to, say, 58 and a half, 58 even, and then I float the last pound and a half in my sleep, hopefully. But I still got to get up. I had to give myself enough time.

I woke up at 5 a.m. to make sure I was on weight. If I wasn't on weight, I would have been going to the sauna. But people just aren't up to the process. It's the time of day that's the core difference. Yep. What do you think about what Rogan says about, you know, like having them go around to your gym like multiple times throughout the year and finding out what guys actually weigh while they're training

and using a system that uses that? It's just not practical because it just doesn't work, you know, because there's so many different guys in so many different countries. You know, like Gunnarelson is in iceland right you can have you can have a guy go and check in with gunner once a week yeah he's the one fighter you know what i mean like it's just it's just tough you know and and your weight fluctuates so drastically based on little things so like i so i'm a fanatic about checking my weight right because it's my business to check my weight and know what i weigh right so even if don't have a fight counter, I'm still checking my weight pretty regularly. I know exactly when I eat this steak, I know how it's going to affect my weight, not only today but tomorrow and the next day.

I eat this, I know how it's going to change me. If you take in a lot of sodium, can you perceive, can you notice how much water you're hanging on to the days afterward? Yep, 100%, especially like – so I love pasta and stuff like that. I'm not super strict in my diet i pretty much eat what i want all the time until like maybe a week out and at that point the only thing i really do is like i i greatly reduce my sodium um but like i eat chicken i'll eat chicken broncoziti alfredo you know there's a ton of like i know my weight's gonna spike a pound or two after i have alfredo sauce you know and your macros or whatever they're called like pretty strictly or is it more like i know about this much chicken is this yeah

yeah it's more i i know my body and honestly like i know like i'm gonna go to five guys i'm gonna get two cheeseburgers i'm gonna get a goddamn milkshake and i know that like i know that that's how my weight is gonna be and i know you know i I don't get worried about it. My standard meal from Five Guys is 2,250 calories. I'm probably pretty close. I bet it is. I get a large fry. I get the large Cajun fry. I get the double cheeseburger. They just call it a burger.

A single patty, they call it a little burger. Two pieces of meat, extra cheese, extra bacon, all the condiments. I always go with two cheeseburgers, which are doubles. They're both doubles. So it's four patties. And I'll skip the fries, because I like

the fries, but it's not like, I'm not like, I'm never dying for the fries. I just, I eat them because they're there. So I just don't, if it's just me, I don't eat them. They're so good, but I just don't get them. But then I'll get a cherry milkshake. It's funny, I'm hearing this, right? Now, I talked to Katie when I was staying at your house before that fight. Yep.

And she's like, you know, Joe goes through so much pressure. There's so much involved. It's all on his shoulders. So she asks herself, like, what's my role in this? And it's diet. And she's like, you know, trying to prepare good meals, bring the right foods home and stuff. And I'm like, what an exercise in futility, listening to this. So here's the thing.

Here's the thing. I eat pretty healthy all the time. Like, year-round. So even, like, tonight I had – what did I have? Katie made, like, steak with, like, rice and vegetables. You know what I mean? And that was, like, I should be cheating and eating everything I fucking want. But, like, my diet doesn't really change that much.

You know what I mean? Like, I'm still having, like, good stuff. But I'll eat, like, pasta. I'll eat whatever I can. And, you know, probably half my meals are like super healthy But the other half are like would make like some people like have a heart attack if they saw what I was eating Just but you've got like a minor league level of like that Michael Phelps calorie burning where he 30,000 calories a day like you're a lot of propaganda in that that's

No, I don't give a fuck. Okay. I'm sure he eats a lot of propaganda in that. That's fun to talk about. I don't know. I don't know. I don't give a fuck. He eats a lot of food. I'm sure he eats a lot of calories. But yeah, I work out freaking, like, if I have a fight coming up, like, probably 14 or 15 sessions a week. If I don't have a fight coming up, I'm still probably 10. See, it's the working out that I'm missing out on. I tried the Michael Phelps diet, and it didn't work for me at all. I'm just cultivating the mass. That's what I'm going for.

I think that that whole Michael Phelps thing about consuming 30,000 calories is like propaganda against like the Russian swim team or whoever his like Rival is at 400 butterfly or whatever his baby might be like I can just see like fucking like Vladimir Slavchenko over there and like in the pool He's like doing laps while watching Phelps interviews and like somebody's running by with an old tube TV's like More calories like they're trying to cram 30 000 i bet he dials his diet back in quite a bit like shortly before a competition oh you know he doesn't probably not long because if they monitor he's swimming probably not that much maybe a week or so or a few days but i'll bet he's putting away a shit ton of food when he's not

yeah he's a yeah i know it's a, but I've seen him do this thing where he displays all the food they eat, so they lay it out on a table, and you're like, really? I believe you ate that once, but are you doing that every day? Because that seems like... They're making it as big as possible. They're making that as big as possible. I wanted to ask you about the Yair

pin fight, and I know you're real close to BJ, and you love that guy. I didn't like that matchup because I had seen Yair's fight in Mexico City and I was so impressed by Yair and his kicking accuracy and speed and power.

And it just seemed like such a poor matchup. I didn't understand why that matchup was made and why BJ would want that. I don't know. So BJ's a fighter. BJ's going to fight whoever they ask him to fight. He's not going to say no. He's always going to say yes. It doesn't matter who it is. I would have loved to see him

fight Dennis Seaver instead of Jair Rodriguez. I just think it's a much better matchup for him. I think Seaver would have been a great go-away fight, a retirement fight. He would have got to leave on the terms he wanted to. Maybe he'll still fight again. Maybe he'll fight one more time,

and they'll give him that kind of fight or something like that. But Yair Rodriguez is a fucking lion. Everyone keeps talking about how he's a lion, and he's freaking such a badass. It's legit. He's really fucking good. We've got a kid at my gym that fights the trains just like that, and it's fucking hell trying to fight him. Yeah, after i saw yeah

your fight in mexico like i said i was like oh well this guy is is definitely on that top tier of fighters like like this is not a middling guy he has to be feared and those head kicks there's a guy at your gym he's probably 18 or 19 now his name might be joey shaves his head bald do you know young kids yeah talking about? Young kid. Yeah. Young kid. Joe Smith. Is he still fighting?

Yep. Yeah, he's fighting the 28th, I think, next weekend. Yeah. How's he doing? He's doing good. He's doing good. He's really good. I really like him.

He's a good kid. He's one of those kids that he just does everything right. I have to tell him to not come to the gym because he's in the gym so much. He just does everything right. He lifts when he's supposed to lift. He shows up to more classes than anyone. Most guys are like, oh, they're fighting. Oh, I don't go to classes anymore. I only come to team training.

I only showed up to the tough classes. No, he shows up to every fucking class. I sparred with that guy, and it didn't take long for both of us to figure out that I was outmatched. He's a lot better now too. I'm I'm worse it's always woody right right uh you don't know but I better with age like one I got so much respect for him like he it was just like all right I see what this guy has to offer and what I need to present him and it was just like it I don't care the corners I want to call him the anti danny you know like yeah he is no he is he is 100 you know joe smith is not the most talented kid but

he fucking works really hard and i'll tell you i'll take that any day yeah work ethic i think will get you there a lot faster than talent will especially like unnurtured talent let me tell everyone a little bit about uhft. Sure, Lyft. I'd like to tell everyone about a smart way to earn extra money and get an extra $500 bonus while you're at it by driving for Lyft. Looking to put away more money in your kid's college fund or going

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just go to lyft.com slash P-K-A today so you can start making extra money and get your $500 new driver bonus that's lyft.com slash P-K-'s lyft.com slash pka lyft.com slash pka. Check them out. I say this stuff all the time. It's one of my favorite aspects of the new economy, right? Everyone's kind of like this self-employed entrepreneur, work what you want. I don't know, it's cool. Plus $500 sign up. Neat thing they got going on there. Yeah, absolutely. And you know, there's other

ride sharing apps that that shall not be named but they don't allow you to get tipped and that's really important um you know if you've got especially if you're not a robot you're an actual person with a personality and you're you think like hey people like me i'm kind of funny if i just got up in the back seat of my car you know that's where waitresses make their entire living is from tips you know like if you're a personable person, then Lyft is for you. I've seen people offer like, you know,

band-aids and like emergency supplies and stuff like that, like hanging off the driver's seat. And like, I just like, huh, like how enterprising. Like, I think that's cool that the people do that.

I can't be legal. There's still like single cigarettes and condoms. You're probably right. Condoms is one of them. Like single menthol cigarettes, rubbers, and fucking lighters and shit like that. Like little bowls and stuff. Lucy's.

Crack pipe while you're here? I prefer your little tagline, Kyle. A lift. For personable people. Absolutely, yeah. Because the thing is, it helps everybody in that whole transaction like if you have a waitress who's really being rude to you it's a good chance the people before you were really unpleasant and didn't tip and it puts that whole you know the

whole evening is in a spiral now because she's in a bad mood puts you in a bad mood tipping makes the whole world go around at least the usa yeah i i saw them i don't remember what it was but lift uh put out the number the other day of like how much in tips they've paid out and it was an enormous number in the millions but when you consider that the other ride sharing apps or whatever they're called don't allow that at all like that's just money that you would have never made elsewhere so definitely Lyft is the way to go if you're into that um I want to switch over if you're wasting your time elsewhere uh let me tell everyone a bit about Casper mattresses.

I was so happy to get back to my Casper mattress after this little vacation. The bed and the VRBO we got was this, like, posturpedic bed that had a remote control, and it would, like, tilt up and fold into a sandwich and stuff, and it was hard as a goddamn rock. My Casper mattress is the opposite of that. It's a big pillow that I sleep on every night. Casper mattresses are obsessively engineered, American-made mattresses at a shockingly fair price. And now you can get $50 toward any mattress purchase

by going to casper.com slash pka and using code pka. Listen, you spend about a third of your life sleeping. Let's make sure you're doing that on a good mattress. Casper brings together two comfortable technologies, latex foam and memory foam, so they've got just the right sink, just the right pants no matter how you sleep. They've got a risk-free trial and return policy. They'll deliver it straight to your door. You can try it for 100 days, and if you're not happy, they'll pick it right back up.

At the store, maybe you'll get a minute or two to try out the mattress with Casper. You actually get to sleep on the thing. It's $500 for a twin-size mattress, $950 for a king size mattress. Comparing that to the industry averages, it's an outstanding price point. So get $50 towards the purchase of any mattress purchase by going to casper.com slash pka and using code pka. Yeah, that's pretty damn good. I would definitely get the king mattress if you're sleeping on anything but a king mattress and you're like a grown-sized man i gotta say like like i wasted years of my life on a queen and and i'm so years you won't get back now can't get you'll never get that you know what they say is that if you lose sleep you'll go your whole life without ever recouping that sleep you have years of sleep lost you'll never be as intelligent as

you could be had you had a king bed that whole time and it's the comfort i lost that on the comfort and and like now it's so big with the king i've got all this extra storage space my laptop just stays in the bed with me there's no reason to like clear my laptop away when i go to bed because there's plenty of room for it too it's got room if you have never bought a mattress you might be like oh king-size mattress for 950 dollars that seems that's hundreds of dollars google what a king size mattress looks like and very quickly you'll be like ah this is a very good deal it's the sex for me it's the sex i guess you guys aren't even familiar with the flying octopus position because you're on a queen right you queen size but you

can't do that on a queen the lucy wandella, you can't do that. You got to have a king. I made these up. Who is Lucy Wandella? Just making up sexual positions, thinking people are missing out on them, trying to sell a mattress. But Richard Ryan ordered it, and he liked his a lot. Yeah. I'm taking mine, too. I really do like it.

I ordered a topper for it, like another foam thing to go on top of it, mostly because my sheets didn't fit very well, and I bought really expensive sheets, and I didn't want to have that money wasted and have to get more expensive sheets. But I got really high thread count sheets, and I don't know what my pillows are. Maybe bamboo, the pillowcases are.

But I got these really fancy cold pillows that stay cold all the time. So if you're one of those people who flips your pillow over multiple times in the night and for three seconds really enjoys that cold pillow feeling, I found these cold pillows on Amazon. Do you know what they're called? How would I find such a pillow? I'll look later and get you a link.

I'm sure it's in my Amazon orders. I'm a big fan. It's very thick, foamy, and I don't know. It's a legit pillow. It's not going to mash up and go flat a link. Yeah. I'm sure it's in my Amazon orders. I'm a big fan. It's very thick, foamy, and I don't know. It's a legit pillow. It's not going to mash up and go flat or anything. I like a pillow that mashes up.

The temperature stays low. I like a small pillow, like a feather pillow typically I go for so that I can smush it to the size I'm looking for. That's my cup of tea. Have you guys ever slept with those posturepedic pillows? The ones that are like,

they always keep their shape? Curved, yeah. So I jammed my neck really bad like maybe a month ago. Like every day I woke up, my neck hurt. Like every single day I woke up and I couldn't figure it out. I couldn't get comfy. And I'm like, when I lay down, I spend a lot of time getting like perfectly comfortable. And then I sleep.

And I freaking couldn't sleep, couldn't sleep, couldn't sleep. Finally went and got, I had a posh-opedic pillow in my closet. No idea where it came from. But first two nights, I couldn't sleep, couldn't sleep, couldn't sleep. Finally went and got it. I had a posh pillow in my closet. No idea where it came from. But the first two nights, I couldn't sleep on it. And then every night after that, freaking. But I woke up in no pain, but I kept waking up at night. And then I just slept like a fucking baby on that thing every single night. I wake up feeling so good.

It's weird. It took me a couple nights to get comfortable, but it's awesome. Yeah, I'm a big fan. I have a new topic. It's not fighting, though. Yeah, I'm a big fan. I have a new topic. It's not fighting, though. Do you want more? I think maybe that was it. I don't think I had any more MMA questions necessarily. All right.

I've had this one stored for a bit. People in happy relationships. What's your significant other's worst trait? I've got one queued up if you want me to lead while you're thinking. So my wife never responds to text messages. She has like three. She responds to me just fine. You're one of few.

She's the first one to respond to mine. So we're doing a whole bunch of family stuff. I don't really want to get into it. But we're doing a whole bunch of family stuff with her family like a couple weeks before the fight. And I'm like, hey, let's go do this, this, and this. i'll meet you at your house you know i'm at chipotle now but i'll meet you at my house at your house she's like okay and it was like three text messages there was like a lot of stuff to it she's just like okay so i go i go to her house i'm sitting here at her mom's kitchen table eating chipotle a couple other people get home and i'm like oh

like i'm just here i'm here waiting for katie like oh she was just here i'm like oh she must be coming back. Nope, she read like one of my text messages, responded yes to like six questions, and then just showed up. So like, and that's like if she responds. Usually she doesn't respond. She doesn't read anything.

It's just, it's the worst trade for sure. My girlfriend's a terrible driver, like so much so that I wouldn't let her drive me in her car. That's a number two. Like, yeah, like we've been on like road trips before like nine six hours each way like like like one of those and then maybe spend two hours there so you're doing like 14 hours of driving and uh and I'm like I'll just do it all I'll just do every fucking minute of this because I there's no way I can rest with

you behind the wheel it'll just be me like watching you drive and that's so much more like stressful and like like like i i'm like oh let me relax and get behind the wheel let me let me let me get over there so we're safe for fucking oh it's so scary watching her drive every second i'm just i don't like katie driving my car now my last two cars she like every time it, it would come back dinged up. She had a shopping cart in a parking lot one time. She bumped into a pole. She tries to park super close to places, and other people hit her doors. You have a nice car, right?

Porsche Cheyenne? Does that sound right? No, I have an Audi SQ5. Wait, did you get another car since we last talked? No, no, no. That was the only one. I had a Maxima. You didn we last talked? No, I had a Maxima. You didn't have a Porsche at one point after the Maxima.

No, it's Audi. It's a German car. I don't know where I got that in my head. I believe it's a Cayenne that Porsche makes. The SUV, the really sporty one. I never had a Porsche. Alright, so my wife. She will the really sporty one right yeah like i never i never had i never had a porsche yeah gotcha all

right so my wife it's i she will intent she will uh say that it's my hearing i say that she sort of tails off at the end of her sentences or something like that but it she i'll hear like we have to go to the foobar right and i'm like i have two ways to respond to this i can repeat what i heard you know we had to go to the foo bar which for some reason infuriates her but like i think it explains which part i didn't hear yeah you're getting her up to where you are i do this with kitty because sometimes i can't understand what the fuck she's saying yeah kitty's british for people who don't know um but she hears that and she'll ask me why why would I say that? That doesn't make any sense. Why would I say that?

But I'm just trying to let her know what I didn't hear. The other option is I can say, what did you say? But that doesn't work out because she'll say, we have to go. I got that part. I got that. How did you not know which part you said so poorly? And I don't have a win for this. I don't have an easy way to work it out.

Where are we going? Where are we going? Yeah, to the car. What she's saying is we have to go to the car and and i i don't know i i did the i just i can't get these things resolved you might need you might need some hearing aids that's what you know that's that's what she would say i know what i think i'm all up to date on the hearing aid stuff now because all this stuff with joey they have hearing aids like pretty much like invisible you wouldn't even be able to tell but you'd still have to manage them right like i

feel like i still have to charge them insert them like uh batteries last like the joey's batteries last like maybe a week week and a half like you don't have to change them that much we just you know we open the door so you know when you take them out you open the door turns them off not a big deal what do you mean by open the door i don't understand um yeah like the the i don't have them here basically there's a little thing where it's just like you just open the thing and then when it's open the the battery is like it's like how you change the batteries you just open the little battery door and it just huh and can you see him like would joey's are big because we don't want him to be small he'd swallow him or eat them or lose them.

But my uncle's a good hearer. You can't even tell. You can look at it and you can't even tell. It sticks out just barely. How's Joey doing? Sometimes people – he has mild hearing loss? Moderate, moderate in both ears. I don't know how that – moderate doesn't tell me much.

So there's – if you play a video, will people be able to hear it? I guess, like, yeah, I can do that. Okay, here's the video. It's a Flintstones video. Okay, one moment. Very, very quickly, just a little fun from the Blues game right now that I check in on the score. First time I got up to go to the bathroom, came back, they scored two goals on three shots against our goalie, worst in the league. Got up to go to the bathroom again,

two more goals scored against the same goalie in three shots. So we're doing not great. Not so good. We're out shooting them, losing five to one. It is... This is a... Jesus Christ. Are we all queued up at zero?

Sorry. Yes, I'm ready to go. Ready, set, play. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. You're on my apartment building on Granite Avenue. Joey is moderate. That's mild. This might be me.

So moderate is Joey. So moderate and then severe is he's not that bad. So he's moderate with no hearing aids. But with hearing aids, he's like normal to mild. Okay. So not quite as bad as mild. But he is great. But we notice a difference.

If he gets an ear infection, he can't put the hearing aids in because it infects the mold and everything. The hearing aid mold. infection he can't put the hearing aids in because you know it like infects the the mold and everything uh hearing aids uh so like if he has no hearing aids for like a week like we notice his speech like dramatically drop i was is his speech delayed is his reading delayed is he having any learning trouble so we're dealing with a bunch of crap right now with this with the school so he started preschool today and uh there's ieps which is individual education plan which is like that's like very specific to him but then there's also it's like 504 or 504b which is like um and a common it's a it's like um people that are have technical disabilities so uh he has a 504 and he's gonna get an iep eventually but not yet so we're just dealing with a bunch of crap there so i'm kind of fighting with

the schools a little bit but luckily i have lots of time and i really care about it so yeah i don't think they're just being difficult i think but is it one of those like with how advanced technology is getting is it something where a lot of his doctors are kind of like you know it's possible this could totally be remedied when they figure this out um this implant they say that his hearing will never be better but i'm i have faith in you know 15 20 years they're gonna give him some kind of shot or something like that and it's gonna be perfect so i was listening to stern talk about this the other day and like whenever stern mentions like that he spoke to one of his doctors about something i kind of pay attention because i know

he's a hypochondriac billionaire and he probably has the best doctor in the world yeah and he was talking about his father's hearing and his father's hearing is so bad that like it's like if we're in the room like you have to scream at this person like like he can't he can't really use a telephone um and uh and stern's doctor was relaying to him he's like the hearing aids they're the size of a pea now and they'll bring him back up up to where he was a young man. And Stern's worried about losing his own hearing. And he's like, but I think there's going to be something for me, though. When I get to his age, there's going to be a thing, they say.

And it's not even going to be a worry. And so with this, I would be looking forward to that, too. I would be very optimistic about future technology really aiding in this. The way hearing works is you have little tiny hairs in your ear, and they detect different sound frequencies and everything like that. So for Joey, he misses out on high-frequency stuff. So one of the chemo drugs they gave him killed off most of those hairs that hear the high frequency. So that's why he misses certain things.

uh that hear the high frequency so that's why he misses certain things now um i'm sure that at some point they'll they'll have something that's gonna that'll get those hairs to grow back or fix them or whatever you know but for right now it's looking like he's got that so but the stuff with the school is that they basically um they have someone that they're gonna have to come and observe him and he tests in the 76 percentile for communication so like oh he's he's not behind so they can't give him an iep just yet because like if he's behind then he'll get extra help but until then they're not going to give him extra help and i'm like no he gets extra he's doing it the 76th percentile because we're up his ass non-stop in the perfect environment and we drive him into boston you know an hour away you know every single week to go and work with a an audio and verbal therapist.

He's not going to get that as much when he's going to school. Like you guys need to give him help right away. Like, oh, it doesn't work like that. And like it's going to work like that. Like you guys are going to help him out. So we're arguing a little bit. But he's doing good. It's just that that's working against him that he's doing good.

I hope your experience is better than ours. Like we had with people, if you're watching the show for Joe and and you don't know us i have a son who has special needs too and um mine does he have a 504 does he have a 504 no i've never heard of that before but look into 504 look into a 504 for him he's homeschooled now so but it'll it'll it'll cover him after like college and and work in place and everything else it's okay whatever and this might be something for me to learn, but, uh, but Colin would easily qualify for an IEP. Like it was a no brainer.

And, um, but then getting them to do what the IEP demands that they do is your next fight. If you're anything like us. Yeah. No. And we'll get it.

Cause like, you know, like you, if, if, if he wasn't homeschooled and he was going to school, you would have plenty of time to, you know,

make sure that would be your video blogs would be about,'re like we're gonna make sure colin gets this yeah and the other thing is some cash right like we had we brought attorney in and you know like you know so that was it was nice to be able to do that i'm i'm kind of at the same point where like so we have that that avt that we see who's awesome and she's like she's honestly she's terrifying like she's like so like like adamant this is how it has to be done and stuff like that and i'm at the point where if i have like too much trouble with the school avt it's like uh it's audio verbal therapy okay um or it's definitely avt it's like auditory verbal therapy that's what it is and um but i'm at the point where like if they give me that much trouble and they argue with me that much like i know a lot about it all but not as

much as obviously the person we go and see i will pay her to come to all the meetings if i have to do that you know which i don't think i'm gonna have to do that i think they're gonna they're gonna get on board with it before i'm too much of a pain in the butt um but uh so basically they want to do an evaluation on joey like where they want to observe him in school he's going to preschool two days a week for like two and a half hours it's not a big deal but they want to observe him and see if you know if there's anything extra that he needs or he's behind or he's missing pieces or whatever. And I'm like, well, if he's ahead right now, if he's behind, he's had quite a drop. I don't want him to be behind.

I don't want you guys to neglect him to prove, oh, yeah, he does need help. I'm telling you he needs the help. I'm not being a pain in the butt. I'm telling you he needs the help. So they have someone that wants to evaluate him that's from Reed's Collaborative, which is they're like people that have all kinds of disabilities. It could be vision, it could be hearing,

it could be all this stuff. Where there's Clark School, which is near us, which is all, it's like a school of the deaf. So I want him to be evaluated by someone from there that's like a specialist in hearing, and they don't want to do that. So I'm going to be the squeaky wheel if I have to. So your objective is to have him...

That's ridiculous if they're like, oh'm sorry you haven't fallen like he's not behind enough that we can justify spending these resources it's like well maybe it'd be a little easier to not bring him from that point way back up and just maybe maintain this yep the woman the woman that i'm dealing with uh she basically like you know so like you know she's like we want open lines communication why you guys to ask questions. We want this to happen. I'm like, okay. So I emailed them my concerns. Like, oh, no, we're not going to do that. And I'm like, but I want them to do that. Like, oh,

but no, we're not going to do that. And I'm like, I'm not going to get anywhere by emailing. So I waited until today. They gave me the form and they want me to sign the form. And I clicked on it. I'm like, I reject this plan. This is what I want. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, and then then, of course, they call me and now they're going to be more serious about it. So the objective, do you want him in mainstream school, but pulled out for speech?

I want him in mainstream school, but I want him to get a little – instead of him having regular study periods, I want him to get some one-on-one time, a couple, three, four, five times a week. If he went to Clark, he would get it five times a week. It would be like 20 minutes, half an hour, not a ton of time, but he would get that five times a week. If he went to Clark, he would get it five times a week. It would be like 20 minutes, half an hour, not a ton of time, but he would get that five times a week. He's in kindergarten

for five hours a week right now. I don't expect him to get that much, but I want to set the precedent and I want things to get put in motion where he's going to get that eventually. I had that when I was a kid. They beat me out all the... I don't know how bad my speech really was.

I do remember my brother was like a translator for me. They pulled me out all the like i guess my i don't know how bad my speech really was i do remember my brother was like a translator for me and uh they pulled me out how old were you when he was like the translator because that's not that uncommon where the older sibling will have to explain to like other adults like oh he's saying this because they're around it all the time might have hung on a little longer for me like second third grade or something and uh okay yeah it wasn't extreme or anything but yeah i translate for kitty to this day they would pull me out and i have speech therapy and the speech therapy never made any sense to me i would do the lady would get up real close and and she'd be like watch my mouth and i'm just like oh god like i'm not really

getting anything from this i'd like it's where you literally so grossed out by her mouth and breath that you could learn? She didn't have bad breath. I'll grant her that. But I just didn't feel like it was it. Do you think that if you were a very pretty woman with, like, perfect white teeth and, like, nice red lipstick that you would, like, learn better? Because I feel like if I were learning a language. No, you'd continue to have problems for years. I know what would have worked.

So because Colin has speech difficulties, my son, they do touch prompts. Joe, have you done touch prompts in your – So that's one of the things that they put on, like his 504, like his accommodations plan, like tactile cueing. Okay. So touch prompts are one of the things that were effective for colin and uh like for example if you when we wanted them to make a p you'd touch both of his lips at the same time and be like this is p and it would just like it would snap with him you know you want to make a g there's like i think i don't know we haven't done that okay jackie would nail

all of them there's like 30 or 50 that's really interesting yeah it and if you think about it like if jackie were here and she were doing them to you you'd be like oh my god yeah no wonder this works that would have worked on me too but instead i just watched her mouth and that didn't we have like the uh the avt and like so we do like you know uh for f f is tough for him because it's high frequency you know so like okay so she got like a whole bunch of feathers that she gives him she's like feather feather because a lot of the things like if you try to like overdo it it's like you're actually like almost like it's almost like easier to do it more subtly to him so it's like you know so like feather and then you know so he played with the feathers and he gets f like right away because he's like you know feather he's trying to blow the feather so it's a it's a lot of little

kind of stuff like that sometimes it's just knowing knowing the right trick, like which one fits this kid. Yep. Yeah, that makes sense. And there's like six tricks, and you've got to figure out which one works with him or gets through to him or whatever. Oh, we watched a video a few months ago, and this is obviously like the most extreme of the extreme examples, but it was from like the 19 whenever Helen Keller was around,

and her teacher was doing the the touching yeah and it was it was exactly what you were describing woody i'm just remembering that but you remember that right where she'd kind of like touch under her lymph nodes and it makes it like a bow like or a duh or i mean obviously I wouldn't be good at this. I just touched one area. I'd be like, just figure it out. Yeah. The big thing for Joey is, you know, like we want someone that's going to evaluate, that's going to be like very familiar with AVT and know what we're doing. And like, we've gone down this certain path

because in the beginning, a lot of people are like, oh, you're doing sign language with them? And like, no, we're not doing sign language because the AVT approach to that is, you you know if you try to teach him how to talk and how to do sign language sign language will come easier because he has no shortcomings you know moving moving his hands and all this other stuff he will sign instead of speaking and sign does him no good when someone else doesn't sign right so most people they understand how to speak so we want him to speak and it's going to be tough on him we understand that but it's going to be speak. And it's going to be tough on him. We understand that.

But it's going to be tough now, but it's going to be better for him long-term in life. But we don't do sign language, whereas I'm sure the people that are going to come from Reed's Collaborative, they're going to want him doing sign language. They're going to want to do this. And when he's not responding, he has no fucking idea of anything in sign language. We've never done it a day in his life because we want him to focus on one thing. in his life because we want him to focus on one thing we've we've put all of our attention into learning him how to um teaching him how to speak and hear and and make the most of him hearing and paying attention and picking up sounds uh as opposed to trying to teach him how to do all

that stuff and splitting the time to learn sign language too a little different we did some sign with colin but i think colin's problems are they're very different than yours but i think they're more extreme if you were to look at them holistically. And the objective with my son's sign language was to make him verbal, like to get him to engage with other people. And I think Joey, like that was never a deficiency of his. Yeah, we didn't have that issue. So yeah, so for someone like Colin, sign language makes 100% sense. Right. It was a piece of the puzzle.

We don't do it anymore. We know what we do. We do potty just because it's like a family. We can subtly say I'm going to poop without announcing it to the world. One of the things, because of course I'm thinking fighting and grappling and stuff like that. I'm like, oh, if we teach him sign language, I can give him directions during the fight or during the grappling match

or whatever and no one will know what's going on. That's great. They'll be like, who does Joe think he's fooling standing over there Grab the net Like I just give him like, you know, like, you know, like the cut the shit like it like you know They mean like cross the road like threatening him A third base coach like yeah How old is he how does Joey nowey now uh he turned three on thursday uh week ago okay cool yeah which i was pissed i was in arizona so i left on wednesday and i did i had to sing happy birthday to him through freaking facetime but

it's okay we did a cake when i got home it was a little sad but he's only three he doesn't care dude i'm glad you won that fight. Me too, man. I'm glad it worked out. You deserved it after that last one for sure. And like I said, I felt like you should have won the fight. Going into the decision, I was like, the way they score these things. Yeah, it wasn't that I was more disappointed with the way the UFC scores things than anything because I just didn't feel like he'd beaten you up as much as you had beaten him up.

I think it's better for the sport that it got scored the way it did overall because I think that I was the one pushing for things. He was controlling, but I think that that used to be the big complaint back in the day. George St. Pierre was a great fighter, but there were a lot of fights where he would take people down and lay on them earlier on. So I think it's better that they rewarded me for trying to get closer to finishing as opposed to

he controlled the hell out of me. I think I had 20 seconds of control or 30 seconds of control the entire fight. He had like 7 minutes or 6 minutes or something. Josh Koscheck used to do that a lot too. Josh Koscheck, John Fitch, there were a bunch of guys that were great wrestlers and that's what they did. Matt Hughes, too, back in the day.

Sometimes I see these fights where it's like, this was such a great fight, nobody lost, right? I remember, I think Liddell Silva was one of those. I can name three, both your Jim Miller fights and the Vera fight, where it's like, oh, these are so great, everyone wins. That Robbie Lawler fight that we watched. Yeah, against McDonald. But then the thing is, you fast forward nine months, where it's like, oh, these are so great. Everyone wins. That Robbie Lawler fight that we watched. Yeah, against McDonald.

But then the thing is, like you fast forward nine months and people forgot how great the fight was and somebody lost. You know? Like it's like, oh, that fight was so wonderful. We love him. Right. And then two years later they're like, well, this guy's lost two out of his last three. Oh, really?

Because you thought they were both wins. And, you know, at some point that fades. And I'm glad it was a W. I liked everything else. It kind of brought some balance back to everything. So I'll take it. What airline? You fly a lot.

And I guess you guys book a lot of flights for your people. What airline do you use? We always try to use JetBlue. Okay. I got no JetBlue experience. Oh, JetBlue is awesome. JetBlue is, every seat has a TV. There's Wi-Fi on most of the flights.

The seats are really comfortable and they're a little bit bigger than most. We couldn't do JetBlue for this one, so we had to fly, we flew American. And it was okay going there. We had no TVs, nothing coming back.

It kind of sucked. Yeah, I flew Frontier the other day and that is the shittiest fucking airline I have ever been on my life. I think i may be flown frontier once dude is that the one where it's like they charge you for your carry-on yeah yeah it is yeah they charge you for a carry-on what years i i gotta hold let me let me lay this out there for you first of all i usually fly delta and and yeah you get a tv even if you're

in coach or whatever and it's really nice for passing the time i've never flown anything but coach i've never flown first class i've never flown anything but coach. I've never flown first class. I've never flown anything but coach. Me either. You're missing out. I'm too cheap. First class is great. Way too cheap.

Well, sometimes I get in this scenario with Delta, especially because of how their baggage and stuff works, where if I'm bringing two checked bags, like if it's paintball and I got a whole bag of paintball gear and a whole bag of street clothes, then it's actually cheaper, or it's within $ 50 to like upgrade to first class and get two free check bags than to stay in coach and pay so like i usually do that um but

but anyway i booked this flight myself uh me and chis went out to colorado for a little vacation and took my girlfriend had a good time and i was booking this thing all up and i used cheapo air dot com or some horse shit because I've been watching a lot of Hulu and kept seeing the reviews. I think this is the fork in the road that you regret taking. It is. Oh, yeah. First of all, I should have started with Travelocity.

Kayak is also good. Everyone's frozen for me right now. I was like, ah, all right. It got away from me. I was like, clickety-click, click, click, click, $1,500 spin or whatever, getting this trip together. And, dude, they charge you for your bags. I was like clickety click click click click $1500 spent or whatever you know getting this trip together and dude they charge you for your bags my ticket was

like not counting whatever like bullshit up fees they like lay on you that's like another $30 but I think it was like $370 per ticket to like go there and back like the round trip ticket but then the bags ticket dude each bag it was like I paid like

$250 total to move the bags there and back. It was almost as much as a human ticket. They left us sitting on the runway in Atlanta for 50 minutes when we got back. It was 2 in the morning when I got home last night. We get at the end of this 2-hour and 45-minute flight, and he's like, 10 more minutes. 10 more minutes. And like 30 minutes had went by after 2, 10 more minutes. 10 more minutes. And like 30 minutes had went by after two 10 more minutes. And he's like, well, it looks like they're moving on out now.

We're going to be able to pull on that gate in about 10 more minutes. And I just screamed, we don't believe you. Half the cabin cracks up. It was almost worth it, but not really. It was worth it. We use kayak.com because it checks a whole bunch of different sites. I'll do that. I think it tells you.

I don't usually book the flights now. Usually, I have Chris book all the stuff. But because there's so – this time, I think I had eight or nine people that went out. So I ended up paying for all the flights and booking everyone because different coaches or whatever. So Chris does all the stuff. Honestly, it's the best thing. I always pay for chris to come out but i don't deal with any of the bullshit so chris like he talks to this person and finds out when they need to leave when they need to be back and he works out everything and kitty mocked me to no end i hate it when she's

actually right because she's really good at booking stuff and this is like like she would have happily booked this for me but i just got a letter so like now we're gonna do some birthday trip for her and it's like i'm so hands off on this fucking shit i don't want any part because i really did fuck it up i i i never do all that stuff and like like i fucked it up and definitely jeff was really good virgin's really good but they don't fly very many places um those are the two we try to always always use yeah i'll never do anything but delta again here's the here's the stupidest part i have 80 000 flyer miles with delta like like why would i not took frontier yeah you know fly like it's the 1800s i literally have enough

air miles to have done the trip for free and then had like 30 000 left over or something like that it's like that on jet blue and never – but here's my thing. It's like I have a JetBlue card that I use. But if I buy JetBlue flights, I get like quadruple points. So I'm like, oh, do I want to use my flights I already have and my points or do I want to spend money and get more points? I spend money and get more points. That's the way they're doing it.

I love it. I love having those points because it's like this weird form of currency that i just have sitting somewhere just just off on its own just and you know that like though like it seemed like i don't think so with delta yeah oh really you check your airline miles because i checked them like you might just try and use them one day and they'll be like oh i'm sorry sir all that distance disappeared good luck i don't know i'm some kind of like medallion member with Delta. I don't think they're going to expire anytime soon. I just checked them last week.

If you don't add to them, I think they usually disappear. If you fly consistently, then I think they keep resetting. Maybe that's it. I haven't flown a lot lately, but there was a time when I did. It seemed like every two weeks or something, I had a place to go. It was just like, man, if those didn't just fall off the last 52 weeks,

adding these would have given me like $100,000 this year. And I think to get the cool stuff, you have to bundle in the rest of it, like hotel points and car points. And I was trying to do it all off miles and didn't get it done. Yeah. I like saving those points because like if someday like you guys want to go to japan or something i'm just gonna yeah yeah absolutely yeah yeah sure yeah and that's the flight that i want to use those air miles for and do first class like i don't want to coach for 16 hours

or something i supposedly fought in japan i tried to upgrade to first class i wanted like four thousand dollars i'm gonna sit in the back i don't give a fuck. Kitty's flights to London with that first class thing where you get your own bed and everything, that's like four or five grand or something. They're crazy expensive. That's not that long of a flight, right? A couple hours?

I don't know. I don't know how long it is. Six hours maybe? I don't know. It's pretty long. I think it's like four hours for us. I honestly don't know. Because I was going to say it was like nine hours,

but I think we stopped in New York or something. You might fly straight up and then around. I don't know. Because I was going to say it was like nine hours, but I think we stopped in New York or something. You might fly straight up and then around. I don't know. We went to Barcelona too, which is not exactly the same place. I held in a shit for almost the entire flight from Hawaii to

Phoenix. And then we almost missed the flight from Phoenix to St. Louis so I held it again because I'm not shitting on a plane it is nothing already my number one worst feeling is being in the car or anywhere where I can't shit

and knowing I have to poop because part of knowing that I couldn't immediately go and find a bathroom makes my body be like oh well what if it was an emergency now this cauldron is creating an emergency you know and oh my god it was i white knuckling sitting first of all we were in coach and it was one of those enormous air buses and so it was four people to my right and three people to my left and i'm just white knuckling it of course my dad like when we're

getting on there's like uh you know i'm like when we're getting on there, he's like, you know, I'm like, dad, should we all sit together? And he's like, oh, we just finished up vacation, son. So I don't want to be fucking anywhere near any of you. I'm going to sit by myself. You white knuckle and hold your shit in the next 13 hours. And, you know, you better just be resigned. I would have shit somewhere. Yeah, I'd have shit somewhere.

Like I'll hold it in for two or three hours on a plane. But if it was like there's a point where i'm doing the math in my head and it's like there's gonna be a public shit it's coming like like like and there's a point where i'll shit outside i mean we all get there you just got you get there's there's just a point where you're like yes it's an outdoor shit it's an outdoor shit so i have the opposite problem. I'm going to take my time wherever I go. It's like, when am I going to have an hour?

You're going to blow an O-ring, Joe. That's not good. You've got to stop eating so much. That is my problem. I eat too much food. Joe, you're an Apple guy. I was a senior in high school to this place called the botanical gardens here and it was basically like a semi-fun kind of field trip where i was like oh just futz around

do your thing but also write some stuff down about plants and we are just walking around with my friends and i realized like oh my god like i have to take a shit right now and i was right i started doing like the fast walk to and then you know you're in deep shit if you start jogging looking for a bathroom and i saw a building on the horizon i was so confident i'm like oh my savior's here i believe in god again and i turn around the corner and it was just it was just a cement building with nothing it was just a cement building no no toilet nor bathroom it was just i guess an old storage shed and nearby there was a huge keep in mind there's a lot of people here and there's you know you know there's still people over there but there's a gigantic willow tree with so many willow branches that it creates almost uh a hut a teepee

of sorts a shit bubble in there and I was like my legs shaking I had to shit so bad and I just get into there I could hear people like talking, doing things on trails around. And I take my pants off faster than any person has ever taken their pants off before. I take my underwear off as well. Slide the pants back on for quickness. Take my shoes off. Get those socks off. Those are going to be useful in a second.

And I have my underwear and my socks. And I take the fastest shit. I wipe. And then I leave shit-covered socks and underwear just... If I'm your teacher, I'm like, alright, everyone line up!

Let's see everyone's socks! A moment where I was like, I can't fucking believe that worked. Someone had to see me just like, just fire one out and jog out of here. there's no way i got away with it and i did so there you go if i were your teacher i totally would have been looking for the kid with no goddamn socks it's like it's a big public park so it wasn't like our school was

the only one there there were hundreds of people there other schools on field how old were you anyone you took this public shit how old were you how Anyone. You took this public shit? How old were you? 17. Oh my god. Oh yeah. You're just old enough to be a sex offender. Just old enough to be the guy. Yeah, he was wanking it. Fucking shitting by the willow tree while looking at those kids.

Then you're just done for life. I'm trying to shit people. The botanical garden shitter. They write a news story about it. That'd be the worst, man. So we're on the eve of greatness, guys. Tomorrow is the inauguration of Donald Trump as we sit here recording this.

It's going to happen tomorrow. I'm going to watch every minute of it. I watched the concert today with such huge stars as Toby Keith and the front men of country music. They were there. stars as Kobe Keith and the front men of country music. They were there. There was a black man who sang America the Beautiful

with a big choir. There was this guy with a drum set, like a three-dimensional, like he was enclosed by drums everywhere. And he just went ape shit on them, just drumming. And the crowd's like, it was so bad. then three doors down came and at least they played their hits i'll give them that but like nobody wanted to hear that

shit either i don't know why you didn't get kanye to come out kanye kanye wanted yeah oh yeah why wouldn't you invite kanye let him come out there and sing he's a legit like a list this trump is acting like his inauguration is the biggest thing that's ever happened he's got like seven or eight hundred thousand people coming obama had 1. biggest thing that's ever happened. He's got like 700,000 or 800,000 people coming. Obama had 1.8 million. That's crazy. That many people are going to go watch this boring bullshit? Yeah, I know.

Oh, my gosh. We'll see. They've got – I'm telling you, like each side of the reflecting pool at the Washington Monument is just stacked with people going back the entire length of it. And it's a really long thing. And they've got jumbotrons like staggered the entire length of that for the people to see the show and then trump's up there with his entire family like the the whole extended family all the like in-laws and shit in this big bulletproof glass like cubicle thing like and he's just like what he's like a dictator watching the watching them play for him he's just haha yes three doors down he's a real president

like yeah it's crazy a little bit to get over it but like he won the real contest it's like honest to goodness like i keep saying the same thing you know same list as lincoln and jefferson and washington and quincy adams and trump you know like those names are all this. He's like, that's the 15th president or 16th. 16th, yeah, yeah. And I'm the 45th or whatever it is. Yes, yeah. Someone was – there was that Reddit thing, and they're like, what thing could Obama do that like with his last day? And someone was like, he should resign, make Biden president for a day, and then Trump would be 46 and just change everything.

I like that. I like that then trump would be 46 and just change everything yeah i like that that'd be funny like they're gonna absolutely have to make new hats complete waste i i was it was a really touching ceremony the other day when obama awarded biden the uh what was the presidential medal of freedom with distinction which i suppose is like this the highest honor he could give the man um and like joe had joe when joe sees it like you know when he like hears obama say the words you know presidential medal of freedom with a distinction he's just like oh god i can't believe you're doing this to me here he's so like he's so honored by it he's just like oh and now this oh he's got to turn away for a second like wipe his eyes the marine guy is standing there with this big honking medal that looks like your Prestige 20 or something.

Like it's a good moment. Obama's been fun with it. He was like – 10,000 head shots, like boot camp completed. Like it's a big fucking medal. That's the final emblem. I forget the ceremony, but Obama was like, Joe, let's give the internet one more chance for the bromance meme. They hugged or something and let it out.

The self-awareness, and it was fun to me. Do you think Biden loves all the memes on Reddit? Do you think he's seen them? How many people do you think? He is the moderator of Biden, bro. That's him. He started that shit. That's what I was thinking. It's so awesome. Forever, he's going to be sending shit that's what i was thinking it's so awesome forever

he's gonna be sending those memes to his friends is it awesome i feel like they're all kind of making it look dumb every joke in every biden bro meme is look at this fucking idiot yeah and then obama's like god damn it like i guess it doesn't matter this guy like i don't know. He's the butt of every joke, like Marcus said. I feel like it's – to their – God, I feel like I'm knocking Trump for every stupid thing, and I don't want to be that guy. But I do like that for all the thanks Obama stuff, for all the Biden bromance, like they didn't sit there and like take everything personally. And they could laugh at their little moment of indignity and get back to it. Whereas Trump, like, oh my gosh, you say anything and he's on Twitter, like shouting down your company or what have you. And I don't think we'll know if Trump's good or not until it's like four years go by. I think

that's when it'll, cause you know, if, if I acted like a complete asshole, but I got good results, I think people would say I was a good president or whatever you know what I mean he could say all the most ridiculous stuff and get people talking about it and everything else he couldn't have been a good president Reagan was like that no one wanted to go to Lincoln's inauguration because he was talking about freeing all the slaves

you know and everyone was like oh no fuck that guy but one of the best presidents I'm I hope he's awesome. I don't like Lincoln as a president because he let the Union fall apart. I feel like he should have. Oh, stop. He'll get your Confederate flag.

He didn't let the Union fall apart. He beat the fuck out of them. His solution was 550,000 American casualties. He Conor McGregor'd the war. He should have regretted the war. He should have been like, you know what? How about this?

We'll get rid of slavery. Let's invade Mexico and enslave them. But he could have sold that to the South. He could have been like, let's enslave the Mexicans. Let the blacks go free. And the South would have been on board for that. We'd have conquered Mexico. It would have been all good.

That's what Lincoln should have done instead. He was too hard-nosed. Kyle, this does sound like a win, actually. Yeah, right? I like where you're going with this. It's all about states' rights, and about seven more states would really sweeten the pot right now. Texas could go all the way down to Panama. Do you know how big their heads would be if that was the case? They'd all be wanting to secede all the time. Long state. Texas.

We've got to think of a long name for this. That's what fucking Texas is too. We just took that from the Mexicans. Big swaths of that, if you will. I don't know. I'm looking forward to all of that. What I'm excited for tomorrow is like, I don't know, every dignified step that Trump has to take in that

Washington elite world. Every moment where a thousand guys have to stand at attention the perfect way while Trump does a thing, or a reef gets placed on a thing a certain way. He's going through all this protocol that the president normally does. I like watching his face throughout it.

Especially today. I'm watching him so carefully as he walks down steps. because it's like three men. It's him and Honor Guard and Pence walking downstairs. And I'm trying I'm like watching like how he holds his shoulders like he's totally boxing them out. Right. He didn't want them bumping into him. He's fucking wide. And like, I don't know everything about him is like the way he carries himself. he's very conscious of what he's doing like you can see him like puff his chest out and hold a breath for certain moments when he like it's almost like like he's posing sometimes like he's he's really careful with that suit if he's gonna wave with his right hand that makes your suit like pull out in an awkward way and it can expose your belly and he'll bring that left hand over and put it right here on his uh his suit jacket when he waves with the right hand like like everything he does is so calculated he's seven pounds away from trying to bring back the cummerbund to hide his belly because he has so very clearly gained weight throughout this whole thing like 15 oh yeah 15 to 20 pounds for sure

um it's and he's he's holding it like right here in the middle. He doesn't drink or do drugs, so you know that is just KFC and McDonald's. Because all those little pictures that he posts, very clearly his vice is fast food. He loves McDonald's and shit like that. Yeah, I see him eating it all the time. Also, he travels a lot. I know if I was in his position, I was going from steak to steak. Give me steak with steak tips.

Hey, welcome to our barbecue. Oh, you have to try our 60 rib platter, and we won't let you leave until you eat it all. You're not getting our vote. I guess I could sit here for a few more minutes. What was I going to say? I forgot. I remember Kasich was cramming the food down. Oh, so I have a couple things.

One, he did two things. Like I think it was – so Kasich was always eating. He was always eating. All the photos showed him eating. Trump pointed it out. And now suddenly this guy has to run for president without eating, right? He's denied his opponent food. Instead of having a sense of humor and going – and the next – if I were Kasich next day We're doing a fucking stump speech from an alt from like a hot dog eating contest one of those 72 ounce steaks, you know

You're like 38 ounces into a 72 ounce steak doing a stump speech every every other bite You're talking about the fucking economy and how Trump's just a isn't a real conservative or whatever Kasich was Ranting about throughout the campaign. I meant it. He really could have made that a funny joke. And it seems like every one of these politicians, you know, someone makes a joke at their expense. And who was it? Rubio, who took the sweaty thing badly.

Yeah. Where he was like, hey, Rubio, you look like a real shiny motherfucker or whatever he said. And he's like, no, I'm not that sweaty. If I were that sweaty, you'd notice. You'd know for real if I was that said. And he's like, no, I'm not. I'm not that sweaty. If I were that sweaty, you'd notice. You'd know for real if I was that sweaty. And it's like now we know that you're insecure when really you'd be like, yeah, I'm up here working, Donald. When you do this job like this, you'll know what it's like or some bullshit response.

Donald Trump has never worked hard enough to break a sweat in his life, folks. I'll tell you right now, what you want is a sweaty president. I'm going to be there working hard for you. I'm going to be dripping. Sometimes there might be a puddle. That's you know and people like donald trump are there to wipe up my puddle of sweat i'm the real show he like he should have came i want to hear him come back at trump like no no one could ever do that no one could ever kyle kyle's got like throughout the whole politics talk of the last year kyle's had lines and i'm like man if they were to use

those they would kill yeah it's not that hard. These guys have these big, clear, open wounds all over them. All you've got to do is to attack, is what I mean. These big openings in their game as a politician. Like Chris Christie. I keep freezing. You know what I mean? Or his first pitch or something like that. Yeah, yeah.

You're not going to get into a war of words with Chris Christie and lose because I'm going to, especially if it's a Donald Trump style war of words, right? Because I'm going to make fun of him. I'm going to pick on him. I saw that guy in North Carolina. He was in Hickory when we went. And when he sits down in a chair, he is a pathetic sight.

It is embarrassing when he sits in a chair in a business suit. He's got this big fupa that like that like folds over his cock and balls and like everything's jammed in down there and his pants right up and revealed like those old businessman socks with the uh like suspenders attached to them that must be uncomfortable meanwhile trump's sitting over there like fucking i don't know superman's father or something like just telling everybody how it's gonna be and be and he looks perfect. Yeah, I think that's part of the reason that

Trump wanted Christie behind him at some point. I already know myself and my vices. Ivanka, Melania, you all know I'm going to pack on the pounds. I'm going to bring Chris Christie on board. No, no, no, shut up. He's not going to get anything. He's not going to get anything. He's just going to be

fatter than me for the next time. Okay? Okay. I'm telling you, it was both of them on stage in Hickory, and it's like this is after Christie has dropped out. And Christie has a mic, and Trump has a mic, and they're separated in these big, comfy, cushy, high-backed chairs. And Christie will be like, you know, there's a lot of trouble in the Middle East.

And the one shining example of democracy our one ally our it's israel and obama's out there disrespecting them not doing this doing that tell us what a donald trump presidency would mean for israel and israelis and and then he just throw it to trump like he was constantly like loading up this fucking like like uh pitch and then handing it to him. Like here you go. Throw it. Hit him with it. Yeah, go.

It worked really well. And it is a little bit definitely what you said. Trump looked better next to a sloppy Chris Christie who is the – he's the worst looking politician. You look at that and you're like, ah, he doesn't have any self-control. He doesn't have any like – That's where I was headed. I see a guy like chris christie and i think this guy literally has like a mental weakness an addiction he has a

disability of some sort no discipline yeah you can you can call it what you want but like it's clearly this is a guy who can't fully control himself at a level that 99 of the population can and it holds not in this country. Not in this country. No, even in this country. How many people are Chris Christie fat? I went throughout today and I don't think I saw anyone Chris Christie fat. I was at the airport. Oh man, fucking governor of New Jersey.

Huge. Yeah, he's real big. If you want to find, the best picture is, it's him in a baseball uniform. It's real bad. He's got got this the pants are like you know how baseball pants are they're like yoga pants like they're and they're pulled up over his big roll his fupa and uh it's just a bad optic a bad bad imagery let me uh let me put a ad in here i'm gonna tell everyone a little bit about nature box if you eat from nature box you

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against Marco Rubio in the race, and so Trump recruited him as his attack dog against Marco, who was quickly becoming his main secondary opponent, although Ted Cruz, of course, was a problem all the way, but Marco was a problem in Florida, which was kind of important during that point of the race, and so

he gets Chris Christie on the team, and all of a sudden he's got this perfect attack dog. He can go after and say whatever he wants to to Christie, and he's getting enough clout from Trump that he's going on every news agency. It was a real nice move that Trump made. I put a filter on my Facebook, and I filtered out every politics post, anything that said Trump, Clinton, anything. I couldn't deal with it.

I didn't talk about politics once on Facebook. And then on election day, I tweeted, well, whatever, Facebooked, that I was like, hey, I voted. I didn't mention once anything about politics. It's my most liked thing that I've ever put on Facebook. It's crazy. New topic?

Sure. Or maybe not. Sounds like Kyle has something. I thought I had a thing, but now I don't. You took it. You took it. I took your topic. Yeah, you took it.

I'll tell you guys what it was going to be. Natalie Portman is out there complaining about her pay. Apparently she and Ashton Kutcher were in the same movie, No Strings Attached, and his pay tripled her, and she feels like it's unfair. Sign a better contract. Yeah, I don't know. Something about sports and entertainment to me is one of the most... This must have been her first movie.

She's very inexperienced, right? Sports and entertainment to me is one of the most pure meritocracies that you'll find, right? People are getting paid based on what they draw in. And I don't know. I thought it would be a fun topic with Joe here. When I look at movie stars, the ones that get me to go are typically guys.

Like if it's a Will Smith, a Tom Cruise, whoever plays Hugh Jackman, like that guy interests me. Like it's mostly the dudes who draw me into the movies. There's very few women that I go to see. Jennifer Lawrence is the exception, but she's kind of an action star.

I'm thinking if Natalie Portman's not getting is the exception, but she's kind of an action star. I'm thinking if Natalie Portman's not getting paid as much, maybe it's... I like Natalie Portman. She's one of my favorite female actresses. But when I hear she did a movie, I don't like... And whoever's... Sorry, you froze up there for me. And you for me.

Go ahead. Then I will go. The whole thing with any of these actors, or same thing applies to fighters, I'm sure, is that the biggest draws are going to get paid the most. If I am in a movie with Jennifer Lawrence and I'm getting paid the same as Jennifer Lawrence, that's fucked up because nobody's coming to the movie

to see what I have to bring. Obviously, people know who Natalie Portman is, but from whatever market research they do, if they're like, all right, Ashton Kutcher's the big draw here because this movie is a comedy, and Natalie Portman, we think she's going to be good, but she's not necessarily a draw in this kind of role, which means that

he's the guy we need to secure down. Well, that's not even it. Okay, well, the issue is you have a quote, and your quote is what you've been paid before. You can't just come in there and say, uh, my agent says I'm worth 30 million because tom cruise got 30 million and they're like well you got paid eight million last time and four million the time before and six million the time before so eight million is your quote that's that's what you're gonna get unless you're the top the teeniest

top tier of people who like have some negotiating room where it's like yeah we built a movie around tom hanks if we don't have tom hanks we don't have a movie we lose the producers aren't on board without tom hanks like this is a tom hanks biopic we need him you know like but but for natalie portman the issue was that ashton kutcher's quote was three times higher than hers and so she had no reason to and this is in 2011 by the way this is i think before she did Black Swan, maybe, which was her Oscar-worthy performance, I think a lot of people would say. I think she may have been nominated or maybe won an Oscar that year for that. I didn't think it was a good movie. It was kind of weird for me.

I never saw it. I couldn't follow it. She was mentally ill, and that's worked into the film work. So you feel a bit mentally ill watching it sometimes. But, yeah, that was the issue there, is thathton kutcher had just had a higher quote than her because he was a more accomplished actor i suppose at 2011 at least as far as blockbuster returns like his movies get like 20 20 rotten tomatoes but a lot of them make a shitload of money yeah i think it all comes down i think i was reading up on the article trying to get a better idea I'm sure it just comes down to negotiations

you're only worth so much but you could be the best freaking actor in the world the best anything in the world, best fighter, best whatever if you have shit negotiations and you just take the first thing you're offered you're not going to do well you always want to try to you want them to think about turning you away because you're too expensive

but then go on with you anyways how do you think you did on that in your career joe you think you know good like looking back at the different contracts you've had do you think you know do you think you're under like i'm i'm very i'm very happy with how things have gone for me because i could have so my last contract negotiation um i so i signed an eight fight deal that was five fights ago now so i have three more um but i told them like you know i think i was at like 32 and 32 so i got 30 000 to show with 30 000 more when i win uh and i told them like i knew the rebox stuff was going to be starting soon i didn't really know what what was going to be so i knew sponsor money was going away and i was making like 25 and sponsors 24 25 000 a fight and sponsor so i'm like i don't want to

take a cut and pay you know but but i'm like i don't want to take a cut and pay you know but but i'm not i'm not looking to get you know triple my money or whatever but i but i want to continue to make good money and and continue to improve and i'm like i you know they're like we'll be off you 32 and 32 just over the matchmaker and he tells me that uh but you should talk to dana and dana will give you a better number so i flew to vegas you know freaking six hour flight to vegas sat down with dana he's like what do you want to get paid tell me you want to get paid i'll pay you and i'm like well i want to i want to continue being useful to you guys you guys put me you want he's like all right let's start at 50 so i went from 32 to 50 from not asking for more

money but just letting them put a number on it yeah that that's immediately that was my number too i was like 50 is your number man 50 is is your number. And then I've won a couple fights since then. So now I'm at, for my last fight, I was at 58 and 58. And my next fight will be 62 and 62. Does it go up because you win in your contract? It goes up when you win. It goes up when you win. Yeah, so that was one of the things I was so pissed about the Miller fight

because I was at the second Jim Miller fight. I was at 58 and 58, and I should have been 62 for my next one. So right away, I lose you know, close to 50, uh, $58,000 because I didn't win. But then going forward, I'm losing between, you know, four to $8,000 every fight going forward from there. So this, this kind of fixed that, I guess, you know, I got the money. That's awesome. You know what I mean? So it kind of got me back on track, but that's like, that's like a big deal, but that all comes down to negotiation. You know what I mean? Like I could have, and I, and i and i had a different you know i had a different kind of outlook about

things than than you know natalie portman maybe did but um but i got what i thought was the best value for me because i don't want to like if i told them i wanted 80 and 80 they would have given it to me if i told them i want 100 and 100 they would have given it to me but i've been fighting fucking killers and i probably wouldn't be here right now i probably would have had like two fights at like 100 and 100 i would have got fucking smoked because it would have got me you know guys in the top five and i'd be out of a job so instead i i took a little bit less but i'm i'm more usable now they can have me open a pay-per-view they can have me i was a co-main event they can do whatever that happened to fitch kind of like fitch had a really high contract exactly yep he was like

90 and 90 or something stupid you know and that was back when that was even more extreme than now. Right now, I'll be 62 and 62 going forward. I'm at the top tier for Reebok, so I get 20 grand there. If I lose a fight, I'm making over $80,000.

When I win a fight, I'm like 120, no, more than that, 140. I'm very happy. it's all like excellent money is there any stress you get just being like i don't know how long you guys know in advance like maybe you know like i'm gonna have two fights next year i'm gonna have three fights next year or is there any stress with the thought of like man what if that was the last one or what if like i only got one more stress i'm not stressed so i like uh i'm not i'm not the best with my money i'm pretty good about it but i'm not the best but i've i think it'll take me about another year to pay off my entire mortgage on my house so that'll be good um you know and then we're kind of looking at buying a new house so

that'll obviously i'll have a mortgage there but you but I have a lot of equity in my house already, and I'll have a ton by the time we actually decide to move. So I'm in an okay spot. I'm not worried about it. Even if I fight twice a year, if I'm making $80,000 each time, I'm making $160,000 to lose and go 0-2. That's pretty fucking good. That Reebok thing, I think you're in that perfect little sweet spot

where the Reebok thing actually was nice. I think there's guys below your level and above your level who wouldn't feel the same way. Yep. Yeah, I'm in a good spot. Because you're getting 20 grand and you used to get like 20, 25, maybe 30. But you got to keep in mind that the UFC is acting your agent in this regard. You're not having to run around and hunt that 24, 25 grand down.

It's better to be handed 20 handed 20 you know i had to give an agent money then i had to pay like they would they would give us the shorts but then you're gonna get all the shorts and printed because it's all done for whatever reason all those deals are done last minute right so it all happens like it all comes together so it's like a pair of shorts might cost me like 500 by the time i you know i get it shipped overnight and i get it printed and i get a banner done and I do this and I do that. You can be easily $700 or $1,000 just on that. And then you've got to give your manager.

Distraction and everything. I had an agent that freaking screwed me of like $30,000. I don't have to deal with that. I'm not worried about that. I know the check is going to come from Reebok. I'm not worried about it. For the peace of mind of having to deal with it, 100 times better and i'm not chasing after all these sponsors fight week or having someone else chase sponsors i probably oh can you wear this hat can you tweet this picture can you do this like

i just i don't have to worry about it i just show up and i fight and do my thing you feel pressured to do i'm gonna screw this up what is it like mm maa or that thing that uh just came out the union i don't think any of those make sense because so basically there's like three different organizations that are all trying to unionize the fighters right but because there's three organizations they're all going to ensure that everyone else fails right because this one takes a third this one's take a third this one takes a third you never have everyone all together if there was one union then maybe it could work a little bit but it's not going to work because everyone wants everything things that i want are different than what joe proctor wants it's different than what marching

held wants it's different than what conor mcgregor wants or ronda rousey or all these different other people everybody has different costs and needs there might be a guy who wants more travel money who wants help with that like if you're if you're flying from fucking iceland with your team to vegas you're you're you're you're like i like the sponsors but if you could help me get my team to the fight you know i don't know what the i don't know what the numbers are but let's say that the ufc pays 100 million dollars across all the fighters i have no idea i'm making up a number but 100 million dollars across all the fighters for the year right well if everyone wants more money there's not 150 magic 150 million dollars or 200 million dollars magically you know what i mean like the ufc is going to have they're making you know whatever the percentage is maybe the ufc is making a large percentage and the fighters are

getting less but the ufc is making a large percentage but they're spending a lot of money on production they're spending a lot of money on this and a lot of money on that and you know um it doesn't just magically appear out of nowhere you know so things are going to get cut you know like the usc cut so many like entire like they cut like their entire international operations team like all right we don't need don't need you guys a lot of employees are all gone you know like and it sucks because all those people were really good people you know they did a great job it's just that goldberg goldberg's gone i think because his number wasn't right um yeah do you have on that that I talked to you privately what I learned

something there maybe I mean I said on the other was there's nothing I don't think there's anything I don't think there's anything dirty or crazy or whatever you know I think that for whatever reason Goldberg didn't get along with with certain people whether it was Dana or someone just wasn't a fan of his and just his contract was over and they didn't renew it i think it was so one time goldberg was being lured by i think it was the wwe like vince mcmahon was trying to get him and they offered him a boatload of money and goldberg stayed loyal to the ufc so in my head all this time goldberg was a company man that was you know just highly valued like a rich franklin something. And then they cut him. I guess it wasn't true. I don't really know. I talked to Mike Goldberg

after, I obviously didn't ask him anything on that, but I was talking to him after the fight, you know, and it was great to, you know, kind of see him. Cause like, I guess he, I guess he lives in Phoenix. So he was out there, you know, and I, of course I'm not going to go in the separate. Oh, so why did you get, you know, why did you get fired? Why are you not, you know what I mean? Like, I'm not going to do that, but, um, that. I'm sure it was just, you know what, the UFC decided to go this way, and he was this way. What's your theory on his replacement?

Who do you think it's going to be? I don't even know who it was. It's some guy that's like a sports analyst or something like that. Jim Rome? I think that was who it was. Is it Jim Rome? I don't know that.

That's the rumor. I don't know. I used to listen to Jim Rome? I don't know that. That's the rumor. I don't know. Oh, I love. I used to listen to Jim Rome's show so much. He's got this really interesting speech pattern and delivery. And if you listen to his radio show, like, you know, it's like all radio shows, I guess. Like, you get the inside jokes and you get his speech pattern. And, like, when you call into his show, it's not a pleasant conversation.

You're not calling in to have a conversation. You're calling in to, like, deliver smack talk. Like, it's not a pleasant conversation. You're not calling in to have a conversation. You're calling in to deliver smack talk. That's what it's about. It's about delivering this soliloquy of smack talk based around whatever your corner of the sports world is, just a light fire under Tom Brady and use all this show lingo. They would have contests where callers would compete in this smack talk thing.

That's what his show is so... The flow of it is so weird. What sports does he... I've never listened to it. He's an expert in everything. Let me show you the best Jim Rome clip in the fucking world. You've probably seen this before. You're excited about Jim Romeohn? Oh, I like

him. I would prefer him over Chael. Chael, I would love for it to be Chael. Chael just said today he signed a six fight deal with Bellator and he always finishes his deal. It won't be with Chael. It definitely won't be Chael, I don't think. Hmm. Chael's my if I could pick anyone on the planet

I'd love for it to be jail he's the guy on the fight uh that podcast right fighter and the kids no that's that's that's brennan shob you're thinking of brennan shob yeah but uh jail has a podcast too i think it's called you're welcome yep uh i'm trying to find a higher quality version of this but basically I wouldn't Jim Rome is interviewing Chris Everett on his show who's an NFL player oh this oh my god

he's such a dick what do you already know yeah I think his name is actually is it Jim Everett is the quarterback's real name his name's so tell me if I have this right it's a long time ago but I think it is the quarterback's real name? His name's – So tell me if I have this right. It's a long time ago, but I think it is a quarterback for the San Diego Chargers, and his name is Jim Everett.

And he calls him Chris Everett, who's the name of a female tennis player. And he just fucks it up all the time, like calling – and Jim at some point is like – Oh, no, no, no, no. He's not fucking it up. He's calling him a woman's name on purpose. Right, that's what I'm saying. He's been doing it on his He's calling him a woman's name on purpose as he has been doing on his show for a while.

Okay, I've seen this. I don't even have to watch this. I know exactly what this is. So he's calling this Jim Everett by Chris Everett's name, this female tennis player, fucking it up intentionally, I should say. Jim is like, stop calling me Chris. Stop calling me Chris.

He's like, if you do it, I'm going to kick your ass. He keeps doing it. Jim gets up and I guess pushes him around or something, and that's how it goes. He grabs his ass up and flips him over a table and follows him to the ground where he continues letting him know that he's a professional athlete, and you're a little worm, Jim Rome. It is so uncomfortable.

How long is this? One minute. This isn't bad. It is so uncomfortable. How long is this? One minute. This isn't bad. Let's watch this. This is a real-life example of exactly like watching that obviously pudgy weak guy pick on the bear Jew Vin Diesel in that clip. This is, to me, a real-life example of an internet troll trying to do that shit in real life. Can we watch it? Yeah.

All right. I'm queued up at zero. Everyone ready? Let it roll. Ready, set, play. Remember the Saints. Jim, good to have you on the show. Good to be here, Jim.

Thank you. Check that. Chris Everett, good to have you on the show. You know what? You know, you've been calling me that for about the last five years. Five? About two years, actually, Chris. Well, hey, you know what?

Let me say one thing. He's still calling. How many sacks did I have that we came back to one? How many sacks did you have? Yeah, how many games? How many sacks did you have? Yeah, how many sacks? Let's see, but this was back in 1989. You may have even been Jim Everett back there, but somewhere along the way, Jim, you ceased being Jim and you became Chris.

Well, let me tell you a little secret. You know, we're sitting here right now, and if you guys want to take a station break, you can, but if you call me Chris Everett to my face one more time, I already did it twice. You better call one more time. We better take a station break. Such a shit-eating gr twice. You better call it one more time. We better stay together. Such a shit-eating grunt.

It's a five-minute segment. Our five-segment show. We got a long way to go. We do. We got a long way to go. We do. I'll get a couple segments out of you before. Well, it's good to be here with you, though.

Well, it's good to see you, too. Because you've been talking like this behind my back for a long time. But now I said it right here. Right. You got no problem with that. I think that you probably won't say it again. I bet I do. Chris. Yeah, no problem with that. I think that you probably won't say it again. I bet I do. Chris?

It was one of those uncomfortable, like, it boils over moments where he does knock the table over and the coffee goes flying and he pushes him down, but then the reality sinks in of like, all right, I can't actually beat the shit out of this guy right now because i'm a six foot seven professional athlete and he's just a shit-eating grin asshole the backstory is that um i guess jim everett a quarterback sometimes i'm not a football expert but a quarterback sometimes throws it knowing that he's going to get punished but he's got to follow through as if no one's coming to crush him. And rather than like throw it and go for the pass, he would sometimes protect himself.

So Jim Rome was changing from calling him Jim Everett to Chris Everett. He was calling him a girl because he would perhaps protect himself. And also because there's a tennis player, a female tennis player named Chris Everett. Right, right. I don't think it's about the looks. It was about protecting himself instead of taking the hit. That's why

he was calling him a girl. But I mean, I hope it is Jim Rome. I really like Jim Rome. I think if you listen to his radio show, there's definitely an entry period where you're like, what are they even fucking talking about? Why is everyone yelling about soccer right now? But after a while, you get initiated i haven't

listened to it in years but i was a huge fan when i was like i don't know 20 early 20s something like that every day i prefer it to be mma people like um skip bayless and there's like an attractive big strong black guy i think he talks to i no it wouldn't be him I do think they're not together but I forget I watch these people on ESPN and I'm just these guys are not MMA guys like they're very very surface they don't know any of the

backstories they don't know they don't know anything about MMA and they're talking about it and I it frustrates me like I don't want a non MMA guy in this role I want it to be like a chael son in uh you know someone who really knows the deal yeah it'll be great chael will definitely have a uh he may get that job someday he may end up taking you know whenever maybe joe rogan leaves maybe chael son and moves in because they're both they're a similar style i think you need contrasting uh styles yeah you can't have two guys that are the same

so they say that jim no goldie was the play-by-play and joe rogan was the color right yep but i think it's hard to be play-by-play next to rogan because he'll jump in and take your play-by-play all the time you know know him far the least of any of us about MMA, and he doesn't just make jokes and stuff. He does say stuff that's helpful where he's like, oh, he's going for a Kimura or some other name of a move. See why he's reaching across there to grab his wrist? And I'm like, oh, okay, that's something that I wouldn't have known to look for.

It just looks like two people rumbling. If it's my job to do play-by-play, and then suddenly Rogan's over there saying he needs to get his hip around here he needs to lace his foot through there it's like i think that they were different though i think they had a different dynamic i think that goldie kind of had like the informative like let you know about general like events and all that kind of stuff and reading ads and stuff like that but then he would also he was kind of the guy that would ask questions i i i think that he asked questions intentionally he knew was wrong he would say things he intentionally knew were wrong so that rogan could correct him or instead of him be like him asking directly like oh what is he doing on the shoulder right there he's like oh is he going for normal

plot he's like no that's not normal plotter that's a normal plotter or google plotter or whatever it's going to be you know what i mean like you know something completely different i think that a lot of times that he would say things, he wouldn't intentionally think that. He was just kind of, that was like his prompt for Rogan. That makes sense because, like, I'm pretty uninformed as well. I just, you know, I watch a lot and I read a good bit, but, like, I don't know what I'm talking about most of the time.

I certainly don't recognize fucking, like, oh, yeah, he's using his left leg to kind of capture, and then he's trying to sweep his right leg under, and he's going to flip his hips, and he's going to take control hips and he's gonna take control like i don't see that like like i love hearing that from him but i always felt like goldberg was almost like that character in the movies who's only there for the audience's benefit that like like he's like the j he's like the sassy janitor who can be like what are y'all doing in here with all them beakers and they can be like and they can then they can explain whether you remember ghostbusters like like that that's what the black guy was there for he was

that he was that he was he was winston was there to be like so let me get this straight you put all them ghosts in that big machine and they just go stay there and they're like yeah that's how it works we capture them and then we put them in like he literally walks winston and the audience through how you capture ghosts and put them in the machine and And you know, that's a great way to do exposition in a movie, but it's also pretty good. I guess with the fight game You know now I also wonder you know, I don't know anything about this But I also wonder if they were doing everything they could to cut costs I wonder if Goldie was expensive because he'd been there for so long and so many times getting raised raised raises

And they're better off to go and have someone else long and so many times getting raises, raises, raises. And they're better off to go and have someone else. That's what it sounded like with what Joe Rogan was saying, because Joe intimated that he would not be there if it were not for his relationship with Dana. And I don't think that Goldberg had that same relationship. If it is Jim Rome, Jim Rome's earning $15 million a year in his current contract. Jim Rome is a high dollar guy. Yeah, I would imagine he keeps doing what he's doing.

And, you know, this is, he would keep, he wouldn't give up his current contract. Jim Rome is a high dollar guy. Yeah, I would imagine he keeps doing what he's doing and this is... He wouldn't give up his radio show. I hear what you're saying, but there's so much travel in this job, it would be hard to keep another job. It really would, yeah. It would have to be a juicy deal. You gotta remember that Rogan's working a lot less shows than he used to.

He's only doing shows in the United States on pay-per-view for the most part. A couple Fox shows, he's doing a lot less shows than he used to you know he's only doing you know shows in the united states on pay-per-view for the most part you know a couple fox shows like he's doing a lot less dates so there's not as much travel there you know especially most of them are west coast do you think that's because they're like phasing him out a little bit no no no i think no he's got he's got more money knows what to do with you know like i don't he's not doing it because he wants to do it he's doing it because you know he's not doing because because he wants to do it. He's doing it because, you know, he's not doing it because he, you know, he needs to do it. He's doing it because he wants to do it. So I don't think it, I don't think it's, I don't think, I don't think they could pay him enough money to get him to force him to do it. He's just doing the shows he wants to do.

And honestly, that travel fucking sucks when you're traveling like all these different countries. Like they have a really tough travel schedule sometimes. And Rogan's usually there for weigh-ins and he's doing Q&As and he's doing this and he's doing that. And so it's a freaking. It's interesting that like, yeah, when you get in Rogan's position and for weigh-ins, and he's doing Q&As, and he's doing this, and he's doing that. It's a freaking – It's interesting that, like, yeah, when you get in Rogan's position and you're not motivated by money – like, I don't think Rogan desires the next $10 million of his net worth. He's hit that critical mass of money where it's like,

I can do whatever I want. Exactly. He wants to kill bison and deer and then eat them. It's Instagram. He's just nonstop him cooking up stuff with peppers. So it's like, how do you get Joe to do what you... Plus, he seems to have... This podcast of his seems to be going so well

that he doesn't need the UFC anymore. He's doing crazy traffic. I think before he was just uploading the big, longer ones, and now it seems like... I feel like the other day I checked it out, and there was like 10 that were all uploaded in a day. He's kind of breaking it. I try to stay current, but he puts out so much material.

And I enjoy it all, whether he's talking about Gigantopithecus, or he's talking about Matt Serra, or he's talking about... Good, great insight. Yeah, all of it. I love hearing it all. Do you watch the fight campaign and stuff that he does? Yeah, as much as I can. I watched the very first fight campaign. It was for my fight, the Phoenix fight the other day. i watched it earlier today and uh it was good i thought it

was awesome you know i think it's way cooler you know it's kind of you know they get sidetracked a little bit but i thought it was awesome how they just they're talking about whatever but then they're talking about cool parts of fights i don't know on every topic i i really really like it when they talk about fighting and then there's a few other things but you know it's a little crazy about flowers or something like uh flowers well what i made that up but yeah sometimes he talks about things that are in my opinion really outside of his scope of expertise and they were talking about um uh one of the guys had a at his local gym there was someone shitting in the showers like he'd just lay he'd go in the shower and like lay a log and then on the way out he'd like wink at

the guy and be like, have a nice day. And they knew he was the shitter, but couldn't do anything about it. He was like, this guy wanted to go kick his ass. Because they're going in there every day cleaning this guy's turd up. They know it's him. They know it is. So I don't know. I like it.

I just like hearing him talk. And Joe seems like a guy who's oftentimes more intelligent or more informed on a topic than anyone else who's around him. And he's often having to explain things to people. And he does a really good job at that. He's great at explaining stuff. I like hearing him talk. There's a little clip of him that got popular. It's like 19 seconds long.

It's just called Joe Rogan's entire being condensed into 19 seconds. Yep. Yeah. Have you guys seen this? I have. I think I'm abnormal. I didn't like it, but we'll see what people say.

Oh, all right. Well, I'm queued up at zero anytime. All right. Ready, set, play. We put a monetary value on actual life itself. Hmm. Wow. It's just such a strange,

strange concept yeah did you see that guy accidentally hit that no holy shit jamie pull up holy shit i think there's a slightly longer one where he starts smoking pot like if you if that would have run for another six seconds i think he'd be lighting up yeah hey look a little fucked at that moment i like those i like when they're when they're when If that would have run for another six seconds, I think he'd be lighting up. He looks a little fucked at that moment. I like those. I like when they're doing drugs on the show and when they're talking about drugs on the show and stuff. All those shows are good.

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I already, I've seen it. It's great. It's a good one. We should definitely watch it. I don't remember how long it is. It's short. It's less than a minute. So queue up at zero.

It's a little harder to queue up at zero on LiveLeak than YouTube, so let me know when you're ready. I'm there. It's a little harder to queue up at zero on LiveLeak than YouTube, so let me know when you're ready. I'm there. Hang on a sec. Alright, I'm ready. Shit. I'm going to queue up at two.

Stop playing. I told you it's harder. Okay, I'm ready. I'm holding it. I'm on the air. Oh, it's a pawn shop for sure. Everyone queued up? I've seen this. It's awesome. Ready, set, play. So check out this guy. He's like complying, but not exactly. Oh.

Oh, you're dead. So dead. That's a lot of smoke. I swear I shot. Six rounds. That's from impacts on the drywall, I would say. Okay. And that glass countertop, from that to...

Oh, okay. Man, that guy died right away. I fired at actors who smoke like that. Yeah. He killed before he hit the floor. The other guy got away. When I read the description, it said they were still searching for him. I assume they weren't able to use the first guy to help find him.

The first suspect had no viable information. Oh, man. You can tell that first pop. I think he got shot in the spine or the brain or something. I can't see where he gets hit, but God, he draws that gun and points it. I'm so impressed. I'm so impressed because I play Call of Duty and I get target anxiety when I come up on three guys and I go,

I'm behind them, they don't know that I'm here. And then I miss them all. This guy shoots that guy dead and I probably winged the other guy. Or you do, like, the worst thing where you put, like, three bullets into all of them. Like, no! Fuck! And then you get three assists the second you die. Yeah, that's uh that's

rough if i'm man you could tell right away watching that like okay that guy with the white hair and the beard is gonna be trouble for these he's the kind of he doesn't look like he's gonna be like we'll just take what you can it's i'm just a simple man running a simple business like no that guy has been thinking like oh my god like i'm 72 years old i never thought this was gonna happen the time is now it's happening this is what we trade for all right yeah dude i don't know it was just i watched another one too where the guy was getting robbed at an atm machine did you see that one oh no i love these i watch a lot of these i saw one the other day where this brazilian cop, like, ambushed in his own garage.

As the garage door is closing behind him, they, like, invade his garage. And, like, the guy jerks his door open holding a gun. And two more come in from the back. But it's a cop. And the cop has his gun out and ready when the dude jerks his door open and puts five in him before the guy can move. It's crazy. Then he hops out. And, like, two in each.

And each of the other guys they flee away jeez that's just like i don't know so many times it's easy to forget what like a real gun death looks like like that because you'll see it like where someone gets shot three times and they're still like walking around and then you'll be like oh I mean like that's more like reality You don't just drop dead like in the movies and then you see this you're like oh wow That's kind of exactly what happens in the movies. Yeah, it just depends what happens like I got drywall, but Yeah, yeah, I mean I see that in deer hunting like like I almost never had a deer run when I shot it You know they almost always just fucking crumple in their tracks and fall over dead, like, instantly, you know?

And if they do run, it's not like the Bambi hunter where it's like they're a half mile away. It's like, no, they panic for, like, six steps, and then they fall and think they can get up, and then they're dead. Yeah, it's usually, you know, their lungs and heart are real near each other. And if you get either of those, they're not going very far. You can stick an arrow through one's heart and he'll still run. I mean, it'll virtually cut their heart in half and he'll still make it 30 or 40 yards. A little more fun fact about the Blues hockey game tonight.

They actually pulled their goalie three times. They usually don't have three goalies. I know. Jake Allen started the game, let two goals in on three shots it's not great if that's your job and he gets pulled they put our backup in he lets a goal in on his first shot and then he makes a couple saves and so then we go all right we're gonna switch it back again this is all in the first period by the way and then you pull him we put alan back in and he lets in two more and then we pull him and go back to the other backup for the remainder of

the game like this is holy like it's a i follow some hockey twitter twitter accounts and it's saying so the blues outshot the capitals 25 to 18 and the final score was 7-3. So of the 18 shots they had on them, our goalies only stopped 11. 11 for 18. That's horrific. Did someone tell the goalies they're supposed to stop the puck? Someone needs to. I think so.

It's essential. It's such a big part of it. There's a hockey quote where it's like, goaltending is 10% of the game unless you don't have goaltending, and then it's 100% of the game. Where it's so easy to take advantage of just having a goalie who's okay. But good God. When are we going to 18 shots?

That's the interesting thing to me. Because the Capitals are likely to be the President's Cup winner this year. They're the woody pick for President's Cup. So they're playing a super strong team that they held to only 18 shots. That's about half as many as like a good, you know, 30 is probably normal-ish. Would you call that normal-ish? Yeah, and for Washington, they've got a lot of shots because they're a good team. Yeah, but they held them to 18.

And I've played where like we knew our goalies sucked tonight. This guy's not even a goalie. He just is a person with goalie pads, you know, because our goalie couldn't come. And we'll really hope like everybody's a goalie in that situation. Every defenseman's jumping in front of the puck. They know he needs help. I feel like that happened on St. Like, there's a reason the Capitals only got 18 shots.

Everyone played D. Oh, I mean, our defense did a bad job playing D. I don't know how they held 18 shots. It's crazy. Yeah, but that was more because, like, the Capitals didn't even play, like, super, super great. Like, the Blues were running shit the first very beginning part of the game

because I had it up, and I was like, oh, okay, like, look at that. We got three shots, they got none. Like, we're coming out hot. We lose against the worst teams, but maybe we have a chance against them. And then on their first little bullshit shot from one of their bullshit Russian Savozdinovs players,

he just flips it, and our goalie just, if you would have put me in there, I would have saved it. Garen fucking teet. Oh, my God. It was bad. Bad. Nobody cares about this. I'm sorry.

I just had to. I think it'd be fun if you were a Flyers fan. It would have been cool to watch Taylor go through the emotional ups and downs of the 10-game winning streak followed by two out of the next 10 losing streak. Yeah, they went on a 10-game winning streak and immediately a 12-game losing streak. No, that's not true. It was like they lost two out of 14. Go Hurricanes!

I got a backup team just for situations like this yeah i like the kids so that we because we don't play them enough for them to embarrass us or fuck with us too bad but that's everyone this year apparently just talking with oh we are one good you put basically two cones out there as his line mates tonight and then wonder why he can't do anything. Like my god put Kyle and Woody as Sweet T's line mates and you'll get just as much productivity. I don't know about that.

I don't know. I do my best. I'll be so scared. I know what you're expecting of me. You just show me which one's their best player and that's the one I'll hit in the throat with a stick. That's all I can contribute. Did I ever talk about there was one guy who went to prison for an NHL game

in, like, the 1940s, like, when anything goes? Like, he just got really angry one night and just beat a guy across the head with his stick. And this was back in the day where they didn't really care for helmets as much yeah this is just like yeah you're i'm sorry you're pretty good at hockey but i mean he insulted that man you're gonna you're going to prison for attempted murder he's like oh come on he's gonna probably not make it it's 1940 we got bullshit medicine and yeah they got that old timey like uh bandage wrapped around

this poor guy's head like his jaws like like bandage shut like three stooges with the big fucking water bottle on and everything um joe are you following any other sports you're pulling for the patriots or anything uh pull the patriots we watched them i literally weighed in and then we ran and got back we went to the, and then we ran and got back. We went to the official weigh-ins, and we ran and got back to the house to watch the Patriots game. Did you ever see a Patriot guy tweet at you or anything? Oh, my God.

Fuck them. I've met a couple of them. I've met a couple of them. Yeah? They seem to be fans. We had a box for the UFC a year ago in January, and we had Julian Edelman up in the box with us. That was cool.

They definitely like fighting. I've talked to a couple of them. They like the UFC. It's definitely almost bandwagon time for me. The Falcons are one game away from getting to the Super Bowl. It's almost time for me to purchase a jersey. We're getting there.

That's the kind of fans that build dynasties, right? Like, yeah, you're going to perform. Then you get a little extra revenue. You're going to go 2-4. The Niners, nobody's buying your jersey. You went 2-14. You lost your fucking coach. I'm going to buy a Falcons jersey if they win.

They've got to beat Green Bay. I think we played Green Bay once prior this year in, like, one by one point. And, like, all the stats are really close, like yards per play and shit like that. It's going to be a good game. I think it's Sunday afternoon at 3. We are.

Atlanta is the earlier game. I'm just checking. Yeah, for sure. We play at 3 p.m. and then the Patriots play at 6 or 7 p.m., something like that, Eastern time. It'll crush whoever they're going to play. Yeah, I know.

I think it's good, because they look like not so good last week. So I think they got all that crap out of the system. I hope they beat the Steelers. Ben Roethlisberger, we all know, I'm sure, is a rapist. So I don't care for him. And I didn't like how Aaron Rodgers kind of edged Favre out. I felt like they should have given Favre one more year.

And, I mean, fuck, he came back and, like, got back to the Super Bowl. He definitely had something left in the tank. That always kind of left a bad taste in my mouth because I'm kind of a Favre fan a little bit, I guess. So I hope Atlanta wins and we play the Patriots for the Super Bowl and we lose inevitably because... Yeah, you guys get crushed.

You can't deal with Brady. Brady's amazing. You've got to keep him off the field. You've got to run, run, run. You've got to have sustained drive. Even last week, it was our special teams and our defense that did all the work. Our offense was terrible last week. It's an amazing team. My favorite thing about the Patriots is Bill Belichick.

He's the best. His attitude would not be put up with anywhere else under different circumstances. They put up with Bill Belichick because he wins and wins and wins. circumstances he gets they put up with bill belichick because he wins and wins and wins like like he comes to those things and like it's it's like part of my job is coming here to answer you people's questions 30 minutes that's what you get he's like he's like they're like well they'll ask this really in-depth thoughtful question he'll be like well football's football you know we're gonna go out and play it it's like no we wanted you to go real in depth there bill break it down for us uh you know it's uh x's and o's and uh who was the player last week that was

that the coach is telling him stay off fucking social media he's like facebook living it i saw that yeah he's looking at his phone facebook yeah it's a very bad speech yeah it's really bad timing. I read the best article about that. The guy was kind of cutting him a break. And he's like, you know what we really learned from this is that this guy doesn't like the Patriots. Huh. Well, I wonder if other people don't like the Patriots.

The world will never know. And it was like, yeah, I kind of like, what, to expose that he doesn't like the Patriots? He plays for the Steelers. He's not supposed to. I'm sure it's some kind of policy. They're not supposed to do that shit. I'll bet that was what it was more about. I think that it's not a good idea to go out trash-talking the other team before a game.

You don't want to motivate it. Yeah, you don't want to motivate it. And you certainly don't want to insult an opponent who you're either about to beat or lose to. In both cases, you'd like to be like, ah, I don't know. This is week 16. We're going in to play the Steelers. They're good here. They're good there to beat or lose to. In both cases, you'd like to be like, ah, I don't know. This is week 16. We're going in to play the Steelers. They're good here. They're good there.

They're good here. We have to play even better there if we're going to win. Is that a big deal? If the Patriots are motivated for the AFC Championship game anyway, they were going to give them their best shot, I think. Eh, kind of.

I mean, you're going to train a little harder. Didn't they play badly in that game? Like, it was kind of i mean you're gonna you're gonna train a little harder you're gonna play a little harder in that game like it was kind of like or at least i was listening to bill burr's podcast and he talks about the patriots a lot and he was like yeah i thought we were gonna steamroll them but that was way closer like that's not thank god we didn't get beat that's what i read too but the afc championship is the one coming up yeah when the patriots like the patriots didn't win by as much as they people thought they were going to. The spread was like 16 points or something. They just barely covered it.

It was like a one point game until the third quarter. I'm looking forward to it. I like the Super Bowl. It's probably my favorite sporting event. The commercials really fill in. You got Lady Gaga doing the halftime show. A lot of people believe she's going to try to do some... you know, talk politics

I guess. Maybe go anti-Trump up there. She might sing. I'm way less excited about the commercials. She will sing. As opposed to lip sync. Oh, yeah. She sings. Yeah. I would expect her to sing. I know, but sometimes at the Super Bowl the people who can sing

who are really great performers still get stuck lip syncing at the Super Bowl. I hope she doesn't. She's going to be a shark. Who's going to be the shark of the year? The shark of the year? Yeah. Remember there's a dancing shark from last year?

Like the best commercial? Not even a commercial. Wasn't the shark at the halftime show? Was that two years ago? It was with Katy Perry. She had dancing sharks, and one of them was a real cool i'll tell you what it's gonna be um lady gaga wants to get on top of the stadium like on top top of the stadium like on the walls on the edge like like way the fuck up there and they're and they got lawyers and technicians trying to figure out if

if she can like she's like no i want to get up there up on like the rafters and shit up above and they're like that's not what we do. That's just up there. That's the top of a building. You can't perform up there. Does she want to zipline in? That would be sweet. Especially if they pull some trickery.

Where they transport her. Like a David Blaine magic show. She's up there dancing. And you see her on the Jumbotron. And then boom! And you see Sparks. And she pops out of and you see her on the Jumbotron and then boom and you see sparks and she pops out of the stage down on ground level at the 50 yard line like Michael Jackson style. She just ziplines off the helicopter.

Zip line would be cool. Put a light on her and zip line her like they do for Tinkerbell at every Disney thing. I want her tits doing something cool too. I want like spiky tits with lasers on them or something. I like Lady Gaga a lot. I like the way you think. She's a really fucking great singer um i i hate when they mix politics in with it though i don't i don't need you to talk about politics during the halftime show if you want to talk

about anything lady gaga talk about like the nfl's domestic violence policy or its drug policy or something like that you know the the nfl has enough evils amongst it even that just just let it just just sing and then let people watch football you don't need to be like did you know the the nfl has enough evils amongst it even that just just let it just just sing and then let people watch football you don't need to be like did you know the nfl's current policy on beating women is they are firmly against it i don't think that's enough and it's or whatever the fuck the disparity between what happened what happens to guys who beat their wives and there's evidence of them doing it, and guys who supposedly deflate a football. There's a real disparity there.

That's bullshit. That's true. Don't need to bring politics. As the MVP of the league versus a guy who beat that woman unconscious in the elevator and then drags her out by her leg. It's real disproportionate.

We had no Brady for four games and we're still in the AFC Championship and we're still going to win the Super Bowl. That's why Matt Ryan's going to win the MVP this year. Matt Ryan is going to be the MVP, not Tom Brady because Tom Brady didn't play a quarter of the goddamn season despite... Who is Matt Ryan? Our quarterback, Atlanta's quarterback.

Oh, I just don't know who he is. Yeah, he's never won a Super Bowl. He's the only one of the four who has not. If the Patriots can't win, Joe, who would be your consolation prize? Scorched Earth. I hope no one wins if the Patriots can't win.

Just a horrible plain accident on the way to the game. Yeah, some kind of terrorist. I guess the Patriots do win. We're all going to steal it. We're all dead. That would be funny if both teams died. Well, that's real funny. But yeah, both teams died and they handed it to the Patriots anyway. They bring out somebody.

And to play for the Atlanta Falcons, here are the Georgia Bulldogs. They're out there looking real scared. Like, hi! This is an especially not fun year for Georgia to play an NFL team. That would be the coolest. I've said it before, but that would be the best fucking thing ever if every year they'd be like, all right, or I guess not Alabama, Clemson this year.

You'd be like, all right, Clemson, you get to play the Cleveland Browns, and we're going to see what happens. Just as a way for everyone to get on the same page of, no, no Clemson Alabama fans. It's not going to be close. Your people are going to be so injured, they're going to be begging during halftime, like, please, please don't make us go back out there and play the Browns.

Please. I'm sorry, you have to go. Maybe one day one of you will make the league these guys play in. Or a couple of them, right? There's probably, I'm going to make up a number. Between all four years, there's maybe seven guys on Clemson who

are NFL ready right now. No! Well, ready to be starters, but you know, it's a weird thing with the NFL because there's like, with basketball, you got guys like LeBron who can jump in out of high school. You don't really see that in the NFL. Maybe I went too high.

The other team probably has 53 guys who are NFL ready right now. I like their odds. Did the Browns even win a game this year? Yes, they won one game against the Chargers, I think. Yeah, that's definitely the disparity. You'd be the Bulldogs, and you'd be like,

we got eight guys who are going to the draft this year, just so you know. They might play in the NFL someday. And the Browns are like, all of our guys play in the NFL currently. And we'll find that out tomorrow. Yeah, I'd love to see that. I like sort of exhibition, catch weight, sort of weird scenario, sports competition. That's why like— Freak show. Not freak competition. That's why... Freak show.

Not freak show. That's a dirty thing. I'm not talking about bringing the fridge Perry out there for some sort of fight that you're going to be ashamed for watching afterwards. Like a couple... Joe goes on Bob Sapp. Go. I think Joe could beat up Bob Sapp.

No way. That guy is a mountain of a person. He's so fucking big. I think if you started leg kicking him and kept your distance, he'd get an ouchie about like... That'd be like my son Joey saying he could beat you up. You've seen how Bob Sapp rolls lately, right?

Oh yeah, I mean, he'd probably take a dive and bend on himself. Well, that's what I mean. I don't mean like if you're fighting to the death, maybe I have to side with Sab. I'm sorry. Let me go with a few questions for Joe. Can you take Vin Diesel? Probably.

Alright. The Rock? Yeah. Probably not. Okay. How much do you weigh, Joe? He's fucking huge. I'm like 170. Oh, he was 330 pounds But he's got to be 280 over that and the rock is like five Yeah, the rock is always like engaged at scenes a guy is training the guys gonna have issues you saw

Yeah That'll be no contest we'll call that one a no contest. Hugh Jackman? Oh, yeah. Are you kidding? Joe would kill Hugh Jackman. I don't think. I think most guys under 200 pounds I would not have any trouble with. I think.

What about, here's a good one, Steven Seagal. Now, I don't know the last time you saw Steven. I saw him. He's rather large. I think I don't know the last time you saw Steven. I saw him. He's rather large. I think it would not be a problem. Yeah, he is.

I saw him three years ago in Vegas, and I stood next to the man. He's a big dude. His chest, from the front of his chest, and they got some man boobs on him a little bit now, to the back of his back, the thickness of this man is very impressive. Really broad shoulders. I would never say anything bad about Steven Seagal because he's a guy that used to come to my gym and he's like he's pretty much best friends with the guy.

And his kids have rooms at Steven Seagal's house and everything like that. So I will never talk trash about Steven Seagal. Do you think you can handle Jesse the body of a drug? I train in Mexico. No holds barred. I train in Mexico. No holds barred. I would beat Joe Lozon no problem

if those chemtrails hadn't been poisoning me for so many years directly over my home. Now I live off the grid. I was a governor. People voted for me. I saw him go toe-to-toe with a predator. I don't governor. Grapel voted for me. I saw him go toe-to-toe with a predator. I don't know. That's true. I don't know if you can take the predator.

He had that plasma burst right in the chest. I've never taken a plasma burst in the chest. What are you asking? What are we talking about? Donating plasma and taking bodily fluids in your chest, joking about the fact that you joke about being gay.

Never mind. I got a little confused. Everybody froze for me. This keeps happening. I watched the Predator like the 80th. I had a cool flight today. I'm a big Predator fan. There was a freezing.

The whole conversation got interrupted. Yeah, we lost you for a sec. Did you want to talk predator i had a cool flight today so you want so i um uh i launched i went a couple miles from my house and i there's like this sod field it's just a bunch of grass and i so i came down low and um like there's a family standing in the field and at first i thought they gave me the universal sign for what the fuck they're like this right so i I'm like oh, they're mad like I have no interest in making anyone mad I'll just leave and then they go and they do this and they put their hand on the ground

I'm like they totally want me to land you know they're asking me to land so loop around a little bit set up I come in I land in their field and they were the coolest family like So they were watching me buzz around in the sky and stuff. I land, and motorcycles and ATVs are rolling in. They're farmers. So they've got all cool farm toys and stuff like that. They're asking me about the paramotor, and they're very excited about Trump, which was neat to see because the media portrayal of Trump supporters is always like angry, racist, whatever.

These were wonderful people and uh they told me I can land anytime I want bring on friends over we can launch and uh yeah he was really cool and uh they had all these questions about it the the the it was like a son was there the dad was there the grandfather was there the grandfather had an interest in flight he like he had a hang glider in the barn over there and he's like we tried to we thought maybe when the wind came up the hill here we could lie to it he's like i never was able to get it in the air i'm like you need one of these things you know and uh they're asking about the weights and all the standard questions you get how long can you fly how high and um and then you know so i i actually didn't fly as long as i normally do

today because i was hanging out with these guys in their field and then I flew home again. It's one of the first times I've ever really landed other than where I started. And it was just super cool flight today. Me in my flying lawn chair meeting new people. Yeah, that's cool. Yeah. What happens with that thing if you have some kind of failure

where it just stops blowing? Do you just glide down or is it a big deal? It's really not ideal. It's definitely not ideal. It's happened to me three times. When I first got my first paramotor, there's a gas cap on it. It's supposed to be vented, but it wasn't. As the fuel came out, it's called vapor lock, I think. It would get suction and it would just stop delivering fuel because it was sealed. Yeah, yeah. And at the time, I really sucked. But I still managed to land okay.

But I would panic and like, what do you do? It's the same as a normal landing, guys. I'm saying you were new. Oh, yeah. You put it off. Yeah, yeah. You're right. You're right.

Yeah, and I think I was more scared than most new pilots. If there was some medal for being terrified, I would have won it. Because you're smart. You know how badly they can jump. So, um, but yeah, you know, you just, uh, you know, position yourself into where you want to be. Like you sort of know your glide rate, like, you know, where you're coming down. And, uh, like I identify like, all right, this is my slope. I want to be anywhere on that slope and then I'll take it in and uh and you know that's what you do i also have a reserve chute if something goes wrong with my my wing like it stops being a wing but um how high do you need to be for the reserve chute to save

you so they say to throw it like they're like it's always a good idea to throw it it doesn't matter if you're 50 feet you know it'll be better than yeah of course yeah but um a good number is like 150 to 250 feet at that point it really works and and that will that will bring you and the motor yes that's right you're not disconnecting and then pulling you're just that's true yeah it's hooked up to like the motor has these it's like a backpack and right around here on my shoulder straps there are these like heavy reinforcement points that you launch the connect the chute to. So it would be pulling me by my shoulder straps. And we all land.

I've never pulled a reserve chute. But I have had a bunch of motor outs. So that I'm fairly familiar with. I really like paramotoring. I want to go on and on. But I've never landed in a bad mood. I just feel like it would be not worth the adrenaline. This is coming from the kid that fights in a cage in front of people.

But I feel like – There's a doctor right beside the cage. Yeah. There's a doctor beside – But I just feel like I'd be scared shitless to try and do something like that because I would think that it just wasn't – like the juice wouldn't be worth the squeeze. You know what I mean?

Like the downsides of hitting a telephone pole or something like that, like wouldn't. Statistically, it's safer than motorcycles, right? And what it really comes down to. I wouldn't get on a motorcycle either. It really comes down to this. What about a car? If you treat it like aviation, right? If you're out there like pre-flighting it, checking it, going, being safe, landing, then

very, very few people get hurt. If you treat it like a sport where you're like working on your acrobatics and people can do infinity loops they just loop and loop and loop do like barrel rolls a wing over is like a barrel roll except that you land and you go in the opposite direction like yeah you just go over and uh there are a ton of like helicopter stalls that you can do you're like a pendulum and that's what you have to work with so like you know you you can you can do all kinds of crazy stuff. I've seen some videos.

But if you're pushing your limit like that, then you eventually find it. That's right. So people who treat it like aviation and fly it like a Cessna maybe, they very rarely hurt. You know what Clint Eastwood said? If you treat it like a sport, then eventually. I feel like as you get, as you,

you probably don't spend as much time. I feel like you probably don't spend as much time now doing all your safety checks you did before. Like you, you still do everything I'm sure, but I'll bet you go through that thing a lot faster than you did when you first started out. I just feel like at some point the,

the, the two ends are going to intersect where it's like, Oh, I didn't spend enough time and I did it so fast that you're going to, I have heard that happens to people. I'm pretty good at it though like i'm um if my safety checks are faster it's because i'm better at it like you know i but that's what i mean is you get better at it just you go through it so fast but i'm not doing it carelessly like i'm really not i'm uh you know i if you were to see it every bolt has this this like gel that like connects the bolt to the nut.

So if the nut spins at all, it's easy to identify because it has like a line across it. And then I have these, it's like a baby wipe from motors, like an anti-grunge thing. I wipe the whole thing down and it gives me a chance to shake it and touch it and really make sure it's as it should be. I could go on forever about paramotors but um but i'm pretty diligent about my post-flight and pre-fights and making sure my lines are right and um i think i won't get hurt but everyone does yeah i don't i don't think you will either yeah i think it would take it's not gonna be your fault when you get hurt clint eastwood said a man's got to know his limitations that was his

little quote a wise man who screamed at a chair a few years ago he didn't scream he definitely talked down to that chair that he thought there was someone there so he wasn't even as crazy as he thought he was talking to someone

I like Clint I like him too I was just poking i don't remember the chair specific thing i just remember watching a clip and being like this is weird he was addressing an empty chair as if obama was and he's like what were you doing the last last four years you had your chance where's the change where's the hope like he was talking to an invisible man and when you're like 80 doing that i guess it can come off a little senile you know because that's what some 80 year olds will end up doing is talking to chairs make sure you're kind of young and spry if you're going to be doing a political yeah if he'd done it around the time of hale rider or the outlaw josie wales like we'd all be like maybe he knows what he's talking about maybe this reagan

doesn't know shit you know we'd have listened but it's it's a little too late now especially after american sniper i just don't know that i want to? We'd have listened, but it's a little too late now, especially after American Sniper. I just don't know that I want to listen to his advice at this point. Oh, did he make American Sniper? Yeah, he directed American Sniper, and did a shitty, lazy job of it. Clint Eastwood has this thing where he doesn't do second takes, and he thinks that that's a good thing,

and I'm sure we can all picture a situation where that is a good thing, but we can also all realize how it could be a stupid fucking thing to do when you're making a 150 million dollar movie that's gonna go to the oscars remember the movie it was just that shitty doll the baby is what i always start off with i always lead with baby because the staunchest military man who like knew a guy who knew a guy who knows chris kyle and is like in love with the movie is like yeah yeah, that baby was shit, though. That baby was ridiculous.

You see that baby? Oh, I got better babies at home. My daughter's got a more realistic baby. It just looked fake. It was like a little doll, and it's moving around weird as they shake it. I don't know. I could go on for a while about the things I didn't like about that movie. The CGI blood was shit.

I love squibs. Squibs are so great. When someone gets shot, a squibs. Squibs are so great. Like, when someone gets shot, a squib is an explosive charge placed underneath the clothes with fake blood on it, so that when they get hit with the bullet, their clothes tear, and blood explodes out of the wound. Have you ever tried, like, you know, squibs up close?

Mm-mm. No. Okay. I'm sure I could make them, though. You're saying you do like those? I do like those. That's the way it should be done. The problem with squibs Over CGI blood is obviously you have to reset every time the guy gets shot And it's not as simple as all right put on the other shirt Jim. It's like all right. You're covered in blood We got to get the you know the technician sets those charges in here makeups It's a the whole thing's got to be turned off. It's a bloody now if there's a car that's getting shot

you know oh now change put a new hood on the car it's a big deal whereas if you're using CGI just pretend like you got shot good done but go back and watch Robocop go back and watch Robocop and

tell me that's not better when he's getting gunned down in that warehouse in the beginning and fucking Red from 70's show has the 12 gauge and he's going, na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na, moving it around his body like you don't know what he's about to shoot, and he puts it on his hand and he goes, boom, and fucking blows his whole wrist off.

It's just fucking, it looks real. It's hardcore. And you immediately are like, God damn, Red Foreman don't play around. He learns shit in Korea. This is a dark man. That's good shit. I like the squibs. I want to see blood fly and I want it to look real. Red Foreman? Was he in it?

He's the bad guy in RoboCop. Oh, in RoboCop we're talking about. Yeah, RoboCop. He's going to put his foot up your ass or whatever. I like seeing when a character like that has done two things that oppose each other. What's his name that played Walter White? Bryan Cranston. He has that in his body of work.

He did Malcolm in the Middle, which is really silly. And so you can juxtapose that with editing to, say, Breaking Bad. And you can make the father from Breaking Bad Break bad and those are really funny videos the father my middle now come in the middle great show I saw one of those where they took Dwight from the office, and I we're gonna watch it We're just gonna watch it. I mean this is this if you like the office. You'll like this Joe what are you looking at you got me curious I see your face lighten up with the monitor I check in MMA on reddit the new section all right I compulsively check it I go to a new section of places on reddit yeah oh

man I never I wait you know I'm a if you get it this is not that I understand though you'll run out of yes Kyle's right if you get into something enough you got to yeah gotta use new you fucking refresh that new like oh look at this I know this guy he knows his shit like yeah I like that let's watch this shit I promise it's worth it. Everyone queued up at zero? Yeah. Three, two, one, play. Now, this is a simple acronym, HERO. At Diversity Today, we believe it's very easy to be a hero. All you need are honesty, empathy, respect, and open-mindedness.

Excuse me? Yeah. I'm sorry, but that's not all it takes to be a hero. Oh great, well, what is the hero to you? A hero kills people. What is this from? Yes, from a movie called Hero. A hero is part human and part supernatural. Oh, super, yep.

I've never heard of this movie. This is all new footage to me. A hero is born out of a disaster. I must. Have you seen my wife? We're showing a lot of this movie. I don't think she wants to see you anymore. Chuck, I was telling you about it.

He stole my wife. He stole my wife. Stole my wife. Farrah, no! What are you doing? No! No, not! Ouch. Give her back to me! This looks deeper than I expected. Yeah.

This is getting dark. Yeah. Oh, oh, just... This is about she loving me more because I am fucking interesting. Oh, oh, just... You guys should watch this movie if you haven't. Be avenged. This is well done. Murder Kevin Bacon. What movie is this you say it's called?

Super. Super. 2010. I gotta watch this movie. I've never seen this. It's on Netflix, I think. 2010 I gotta watch this movie You really think that killing me, stabbing me to death is gonna change the world? I can't know. I can't know. I can't know. Unless I try. Jesus Christ.

This is a real movie? Yes. While she watches. That's the dude that took his wife. The fuck? He fucking has a nervous breakdown and becomes a goddamn superhero. But like...

Okay, you're thinking of a superhero. We all have a hero in our heart oh so have any of you seen that movie i know i have not i have so basically like the movie itself is he's like you don't ruin it don't ruin it it's kind of ruined saw a lot there but the funniest shit in that movie is he is like a kick it's like kick-ass but it's gone to even further a level even further than kick-ass to where little things start happening where he notices he's not even in line for the movies or no he is in line for the movies and somebody just walks in front of him and he without saying anything walks back to his car puts on his little outfit enormous wrench from his trunk and then it just he walks up

behind this guy and it just shows the guy who butted in line talking and he just domes this guy murdering him in line and then he just goes back to his car be like oh fuck he's just like he went complete it's a really interesting movie and also kind of sad because Liv Tyler is not a great actress no she's not unfortunately I think they blew their uh budget on uh Kevin Bacon like he's like two million and the budget's like 2.5 like um, Liv Tyler is not a great actress. We got her when? Has she been in anything since that? No, not really. Did you see Armageddon? Yeah, that was before.

Armageddon's a great movie. Watch it again? Yeah, she hasn't done anything. I love that whole, I've said it before, the whole thing about her turning her back on the father who raised her when she found out that Steven Tyler was her dad and everything. Probably a shitty human being, too, as well as a bad actress.

But really hot. Like, God, I really wanted to fuck her while she was in elf makeup, though. Like, I don't want to fuck Liv Tyler. I want to fuck Arwen. And I want Liv Tyler to play along with this sick game of mine. Like, I want to be like, oh, the leaves of Lothlorien are about to wilt, bitch. Like, I want to get in some Lord of the Rings of Lothlorien are about to wilt, bitch. Like, I want to get in some Lord of the Rings... Wouldn't you live to be like 200?

You know, to hook you up? From fucking her? I don't know. How did the dude live to be so long? Because he was one of the Dunedain rangers descended from Numenor. Oh. Dunedain.

I missed that. I thought it was something to do with his elven thing. He's one of the Dunedain. It's a race of longer-lived men, which is why Aragorn... He cannot be 90, my lord! It's like, 87. It's like, oh, man, you're pretty old, and you're still a good-looking Viggo Mortensen guy

who's going to do a bad horse movie in a year, but I forgive you. Hidalgo is okay. Come on, he really gave it all. I liked Hidalgo. That horse was giving his all. I don't want to move quite past a fucking arwen yet i she was never the one i was drawn to in them well i don't know there's like three chicks in that movie so there's not a lot of kate blanchett is very hot in that movie probably my choice and she's an excellent actor and yeah arwen she just didn't do you just wanted

to see that even star silver necklace bouncing on those half-lips tyler i i like i like i i like uh like i don't know i like her look uh you know woody really likes that strong jawline in a woman and uh the high t level but i really like like her pale skin and dark hair and blue eyes. You think she has a happy trail? No, absolutely not. I guarantee. No. She does not look like a hairy woman. Nobody's perfect. I've seen Steven Tyler without his shirt off. He's pretty hairless as well, so I'd say

she probably... He's got a happy trail. I don't know. Yeah, well... I like Cate Blanchett, though. Cate Blanchett's probably hotter. She's real scary, though, when Galadriel I like Cate Blanchett though Cate Blanchett's probably probably hotter she's real scary though when Galadriel gets mad and she starts screaming

at him you know like don't even offer to the ring you offer it to be free like fuck in retrospect like if somebody had given Frodo like a tiny or like a little bit of backstory there he would have known not to offer it to Galadriel. What did she say?

She's like, in place of a dark lord, you would have a queen as terrible as that. Something about being as bright as the sun and as terrible as the dawn or something like that. It was very much a downer speech saying saying that if you give me this ring, it's going to be way worse than you imagined because you just think I'm some elf lady, but really, you put this in my hands, I am now someone who could take over the world. I could rally all the elves to me

and take back Middle-earth or whatever needs to be happening. Wouldn't that be better? You know, that was... I mean, no, because you saw how angry she got she wouldn't be very kind to her and turned her into a you would absolutely corrupt her that's why like gandalf had to give it to frodo hobbits are the most slowly corrupted of those races yep why bilbo had it you're an apple guy right i've been meaning to ask joe this um are they losing you did the

macbook pro piss you off the apple with no headphone jack the phone they they are a little bit because so i have this weird issue where it's the most infuriating thing i've ever had happen with any computer ever where i'm typing and sometimes when i hit the space bar it does two space bars so it's like space space so it's like I type something and it takes me forever to go back and take out all the little double spaces it's like fucking infuriating dude with my space bar on this new macbook so the new macbook pro is a new keyboard I think it's the first one to have this one yeah and uh I'm finding that where I hit it on the space bar sometimes it works and it doesn't and it has a certain click to it so you'd think that yep if you't. And it has a certain click to it.

So you'd think that if you depress it and get that tactile feedback, it's supposed to work. It doesn't. It's inconsistent. And I don't know if I have crumbs in it or something. I don't know how to fix it, how to get them out. It's not like – Is it one of the new ones?

One of the brand new ones? So probably shouldn't have crumbs. I don't know. Mine's done it since the day I got it. And it's fucking infuriating. I've had like – I had Brandon and Katie. I've had all these other people try and do it. it and it's fucking infuriating i've had like ed brandon and katie i've had all these other people trying to make sure it's not me that i'm not doing something um there's all kinds of settings for the keyboard so like uh if you

hold down the button how long it'll you know go i've set everything like as low as it could go so it's not i don't know what the fucking deal is i tried doing a online support today chat support like oh we have an appointment on saturday at 4 p.m. Fuck you. I used to be able to just walk in and just get whatever I want. They're losing me. Honestly, I would return the thing if I was inside the window. What is this that we're talking about?

My MacBook Pro. I got a brand new MacBook Pro. I got one too. Mine was expensive. I got every upgrade. I did too. I did the 13 or the 15, yeah. I got one too. And mine was expensive. I got every upgrade. I did too. Did you do the 13 or the 15? 15. I did the 13. And honestly, I would take the fucking thing back.

I might drive there tomorrow and just complain and be like, look, I bought fucking 15 laptops from you in the last five years. Give me a goddamn... I'm about to buy one. And so I wanted some Woody advice. So here's what I want. I want to replace a MacBook that has

the screen broken. I just want to get her a new one. I don't want to... It's not for you? No. She does web browsing email type stuff. Yeah, and runs her Etsy store

and that sort of thing. I don't need a lot of power. 13 or 15 let's do 13 okay tempted joey you think macbook air uh i know i would i would go the pro i would go with the new pros i love my 13 and i fucking love the touch bar that's the one thing i do like like um one thing i don't like is like when I'm typing I don't type like super properly I can type fast but I don't type properly but I constantly find the escape key with my pinky on my left hand and

it fucks up the windows on me all the time that part's kind of the second my finger touches it, it hits escape if it left up for me I'd get that new Dell 15 inch but it's not for me, it just needs to do shit and not get viruses that touch bar, escape, I have no trouble with it everyone's worried about it's i get it it just needs to do shit escape and not get viruses that touch

bar escape i have no trouble with it everyone's worried about it and stuff it seems to work like a key the thing is every so often i hit the siri button and you know you hit siri everything fucking stops she's the new foreground application i think you can turn that off i might i i love siri on my phone i'm i like siri i seem to be the only one that loves her as much as I do. I'm so happy with her. I do weird fuel mixtures for my paramotor. Like, hey, take five gallons, convert it to ounces, and then give me one fortieth of that. And she tells me.

It's great. And so I like Siri. I use Siri for setting alarms. I use Siri for setting alarms because it would be plugged into my bed. Like Siri, you know, set an alarm for – hey, Siri, set an alarm for 4 a.m. Did you know she'll clear all your alarms? Like just the other day I tried it on a Lark. So just like you, I'll be like, hey, wait a minute.

Siri set an alarm for 4.30 a.m. tomorrow morning, right? And then after a while I get like 27 alarms. And I'm like, Siri, would you remove all my alarms for me instead of like going through it? And she's like, are you sure? And he hit, aw, I love Siri. That's also a fun prank if you can very quietly go, delete all of Woody's alarms while you're asleep. You know what I love?

I love about the touch bar is, so I use one password for all my passwords because I use different passwords for everything. I fucking love just not having to type my long ass master password and just be able to put my finger there i like i love it for logging into the computer i wish that my my uh keyboard on my macbook pro on my uh whatever the fuck is you have a macbook pro or an imac no no i'm my mac uh i love i wish this keyboard had a little fucking touch bar on it so I could fucking log in the same way. I'm sure it's coming.

I like that part of it. The machine's fast. The screen's great. I don't mind that the keyboard's a little smaller, but it's infuriating about the keyboard. Yeah. You know what I did this week that was really trying, I felt like? I left my goddamn cell phone in Atlanta when I flew to Colorado. So I had no cell phone for a week, like six days.

That's scary. It was an eye-opening experience. It was like, God, this really sucks. I want to do something. I'm looking around, and everybody else is looking at their phones. I damn it this is bullshit i can't check reddit i can't i'm worried about text messages i'm worried that i can't like i'm like it was like three days since i texted my dad this is gonna be 10 now before he hears from me and like if he tries to contact me he can't get me and there's like a lot of people that are like that and i'm like fuck i'm so

stressed out about it when i finally got back to atlanta that was my main concern was like getting my card like getting my phone to be like ah it's weird to me that you left your phone because i can't imagine being away from my phone for 30 seconds i'll tell you what happens all right so i'm using the phone i'm navigating us into the uh why was i using navigation that doesn't make sense i don't know why i was using my navigation I go back and forth but I know my way to the airport that's why it was weird that I even had the navigation I love Waze because it tells me

it reroutes me around traffic it tells you where the fucking cops are oh I didn't even know that that's it's main fucking feature it's telling you where the speed traps are it's user reported speed traps and you'll see them coming up you can fucking fly

it's better than a radar detector. But, yeah, I tucked the phone under my thigh as I'm driving, like under my thigh in the seat, and then when I got out, I just slid out of the car and left it in the driver's seat, and, you know, I checked my pockets like money, ID, you know, cash, this, that, like three bags, everything. I get into the security line and uh and i'm like i don't have my phone and and she's like is can you go back and get it i'm like no no there's

absolutely no fucking way that i can go back up that parking no there really wasn't because when i gave them my bags when i go to like like give frontier my bags i'm getting out my identification and my boarding pass or my uh my my credentials and everything all this information she's like fuck it she didn't say fuck it but but her attitude was completely that she's like no no give me the bags give me the bags we gotta get them going let the bag weigh like 53 pounds she's like looks like 50 to me like she just didn't she's like all right your bags are gonna make it a frontier you want to head towards security now i'm like oh god oh, God, are we that late? I didn't realize, but we were.

When I got to the gate, I'm like, oh, yeah, I'm here. They're like, yeah, you made it. You made it. I'm like, my girlfriend's in the bathroom. She's coming up right behind me. She's like, she has six minutes. I was like, oh, shit. She's like, and then the doors closed.

Too bad you didn't text her that. Yeah, I was like, all right, well, I'm i'm gonna go run look for her then and i did i was i'm like waving at her like way down the term like come on come on let's go let's fucking go but uh frontier was just a mess but really being there without my cell phone for six days was i it sounds like it's such a first world problem it literally is i suppose but i'm not accustomed to that yeah you're so used to that you almost feel naked where you're like what if somebody does need me they'll have to reach out through someone else it made so many things so many tasks more difficult um like my girlfriend's using her we order delivery food and her phone is the one that they're using to like

call and be like yeah we're outside can you help me like find your driveway or whatever so she has to keep her phone but i need to go to like safeway to get us some sodas and shit so like i'm just like all right i'm just gonna go explore i'm just gonna go and memorize my turns as i go and try to find something that's what i did i was like all right right turn and one two three stop lights and a left turn and one two three stop lights and i'm just trying to keep that in my head as I search for sodas. I really, really missed having my goddamn cell phone. I always say, like, you know, you ever saw Captain Kirk go down to a planet without

his fucking communicator so he could call Scotty up? I feel so naked without that thing. Like, I'd rather be moneyless than phoneless. Because I could always probably do something with PayPal or something with my phone. My phone does everything. Phone is king. Phone's huge.

Did you see this clip, Woody, that I linked down here? I don't think so. It's a little bit of fan content. And by the way, I love all the little cartoons and fan content and shit that you guys make. Like, it's hilarious. Even if a lot of them seem to revolve around you guys putting clips of the Blues historically being eliminated from the playoffs. Can we watch this?

That seems to be the new meme. I'd love to watch this. Yeah, we should watch it. Joe, you ready? Yep. Ready, set, play. Apparently there was a one also. PKA episode 314.

We are guestless tonight. We have Kyle and Taylor and Woody. I'm not sure why I announced this, really. Anyway, Kyle, opening words? I got my cool jersey. Gotta get rid of that right away. This jersey hoodie thing I got so I could really rub it in

when the black feet just stomp all over you and just win the division and inevitably the Stanley Cup as I predicted. Rub it in when the black feet just stomp all over you. Inevitably. Inevitably. Inevitably the Stanley Cup. Wake up! Over a hundred dollars on a spike gift. Very high quality animation. Gandalf looked curiously and closely at him.

No, it does not seem right. He said thoughtfully. Josh Leland, the white courtesy tell now. It was impossible to find you, Frodo, in the wilderness. And it would have been folly to try with all the nine at my heels. So I had to trust to Aragorn. I love the way he walks. He's just a family guy clip.

How long is it since you saw Frodo last? Where is he going? Asked Alex. An hour since he vanished. I see where this is going. That's kidding. Kyle! Kyle, there's a man in the house! Do your best!

Kyle's playing VR games. I got my cool jersey. Inevitably inevitably the Stanley Cup Then a sudden attack boy a male snowy owl And then he burns the jersey. I like that. That's great. That's really good. I like this kind of stuff.

I thought for sure he was going to burn down the house while you were playing VR. That's where I thought he was going. I thought Kyle would know. I thought I was going to burn down the house as well. Yeah. Nice job, John. I would have liked it if he had set the room I was in, like this room on fire while I was in VR. That would have been fun.

Oh, it's a really hot game. Yeah, thanks for making that. That's really cool. I like those a lot. I like seeing myself in it. The Lord of the Rings audiobook is what I was watching it last night, and that put it over the edge for me of just like, oh my God, this is so fucking funny.

And it's like a couple of them, I think, they're real passages from Lord of the Rings. Yeah. Where he's talking about Frodo, and he intentionally... The nine at my heels. Yeah, the nine at my heels. Oh, it's funny. But yeah, keep it up with that fan content stuff.

Not all of them have to do with the Blues losing the playoffs, you know, but that's... Did you guys watch this guy's other first video? I didn't. Which one is it? Was it any good? It's like a walk through the PGA other first video? I didn't. Which one is it? Was it any good? It's like a walk through the PKA. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know.

Well, his name is John. Or it's on the PKA subreddit linked there. And his channel name is just John. It was linked at the end of the video. Oh, okay. Yeah, we should. You want to watch it? It's a minute.

Yeah, I'm queued at zero. It's only 54 seconds. All right. You guys ready? Okay, yeah, we should you want to watch it. It's a minute. Yeah, I'm cute at zero. It's only 54 seconds Alright you guys ready There's me. Very high effort, Woody. There's Henrietta. The auto blow. I think that might be the audio of me doing the audio of the auto blow. Very meta.

And then Chiz's shit hat in the fridge. He had his hat on this trip. I mean, he... Chiz has... he had his hat on this trip i mean he just has i believe she's subscribing to uh samson's um strength training program um and and not cutting his hair until he grows more powerful he has his long hair now oh please tell me it's in some kind of mullet formation he because his hair is so curly it's doing a very uh ethnic thing um uh he kept it pretty well under wraps most of the time but but i feel like he's got a very jewy thing going on in the back like it's really curling up and doing some stuff it's uh it's it's impressive he's got i don't know how long it's been since

he's caught it like before I went on the trip had been three Almost three months as I cut my hair like the front was I could when I brushed it straight back like the front hair like Went all the way to the back and it like come down to my lip His is much longer than that like I feel like if his his showers were like an hour long I feel like his hair when it's wet like just encompasses his whole face like he's Cousin It or something. Very long. Yeah, let's wrap it up then.

You guys want to call it a show? Joe's got to go soon? Yeah, we can wrap here. Joe, where do you want our fans to go to check out your stuff? Your Facebook? Facebook. We do video blogs.

Facebook.com. Twitter.com. Those are the two. We do video blogs. Facebook.com. Twitter.com. JoelOzon.com. JoelOzon.com. Instagram.com. Go to Joe's YouTube and watch him rub out a hematoma or something. It's good content. He does his fight

blogs. I like that shit. We did a lot of... For the last fight this weekend, we did all the behind the scenes stuff. If you watch the fourth episode, all the stuff after the weekend, we did all the behind-the-scenes stuff. If you watched the fourth episode, pretty cool. All the stuff after the fight, warming up, all that kind of stuff. I like to, this is kind of, I don't know. I noticed in Ronda's fight that her corner people have cameras on them. That was cool.

I liked that. I don't know if that's something that you would ever do or have any interest in, but I thought that was cool. Yeah, no, it's definitely cool. They don't do it all the time. know obviously they need two camera crews for that one for each corner but it's definitely i think he just had a gopro like stuck to him uh i don't know maybe i'd like that so you're saying the ufc had cameras or her corner men had cameras i thought her corner men had cameras maybe maybe that's why you're sure you're talking

about him going oh no yeah yeah yeah i think the ufc i think that's the ufc that's like the fight pass like they have corner camp but like there's always someone mic'd up in the corner you know why don't they mic up the fighters i want that so bad i won't just drop you don't have to be a nightmare don't attach but you can have a mic above them suspended down and pointed down like a directional microphone. It would be great if you could hear what those guys are saying. Especially if it's like a Nate Diaz or a Conor McGregor fight where they're talking tons of shit.

I'd love to see some guy absorb a punch and be like, hey, fucking shit, you pussy. I want to hear the trash talk. I would say to censor that stuff. You're not supposed to talk trash either during the fights. read their lips a little. You're not supposed to talk trash either during the fights. That's actually a rule.

Well, they need to change that one along with that. They just have changed the rules. They can change that one too. Well, I guess that's the show then. PKA Episode 318. Sponsors, Kyle? They're all in the description down below. Check them all out down there. You got Lift, MeUndies,

Casper, Movement Watches, and NatureBox. All wonderful companies. Very good.