Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #319

Episode Date: February 2, 2017

This week on PKA, old school favorite, Pyropuncher returns to join the show! The guys talk Trump, Woody lays out how he almost died and night time fatigure takes over after a recording error.

is pka episode 319 so oh yeah everybody fired up for a brand new show yeah we haven't all been sitting here for three hours it's nothing like that we didn't record two hours of a show and now we're starting a new that didn't happen so it wasn't my fault this time if that happened i'd be very upset and in a sour mood we were recording a message popped up and said like whoops obs crashed uh do you want to like kill it and i'm like no no and i and there was like two questions i could answer both of which was like don't you know search the internet for solutions to this problem just keep going and uh then it obs closed and the file... What a horrible tech forum. What should I do to fix this? Oh, that?

Fuck it. Just do it again. No chance. So we are here. What episode is this? 319. And you know what? The last one we kicked off with about an hour of politics, maybe an hour and a half. I think we shouldn't this time. Okay. I just think

it's momentous. We've got to talk a little politics. He's building a goddamn wall at our southern border. You bring up a strong point. He's deporting people. Can we start with Paul? We should start with the sponsors. Hey, guys. Sponsors are more important

than you, Paul. You pipe down. I'm going to tell everyone a little bit about Dollar Shave Club, Blue Apron, Wink, which is kind of brand new. It's Club W's new look. Squarespace and a brand new one, I think, Texture. So yeah, we're going to talk about all those later.

But of course we have Paul, the Pyro Puncher himself, coming in from Ireland, the land of 7 million Conor McGregor fans. The land of the future. Can you tell us everything new with you again? Sure. So I graduated college.

I started running and I quit doing YouTube full-time last year and now I do freelance web development. Did you make a goodbye video? Did you tell everyone you quit YouTube? Well, my viewers kind of know. Well, they they know they know i i didn't quit youtube you i always say i don't think you ever quit youtube anybody that says youtube eventually comes back to it um and somewhere or another i still make videos every week uh it's just a part-time sort of thing now and uh as i said like a lot of my views are from old videos that i did years ago, so it's nice supplemental income.

So you were like a Minecraft superstar. Is it Minecraft? Is that what you were? Minecraft, yeah, I'm still part of it. It's just a gaming group that we formed, and then we incorporated it about two years ago into a business. See, that always happens, right? Like, oh, yeah, we're just five friends who like to play minecraft you know in a limited liability corporation that shares revenues

and cross promotes and like how does that like evolve from guys who just live stream together to a company so we uh went to conventions together and met up with one another i think once you start meeting up with people in real life you start to you know gain a little bit more trust with them i guess um and uh we were doing we wanted to do some brand deals like we did a deal with uh the card game super fight and there's like a dlc deck with a bunch of our characters and well not characters a bunch of us in it i guess um and it's just a lot easier to deal with you know 20 different personas if you're all under the one sort of alias of a corporation or a company and um it just is a lot less hassle you know like we're not some sort of like huge super corporation. I just a lot easier to refer to us as one

Entity instead of 25 or 20, I guess now individual was it super profitable I'm not too sure man. I I we leave that to the the CEO good he was kind of the guy that formed it and He started minecraft Ages ago as a minecraft server and it eventually grew to be this big gaming group now so um you know we still go to conventions we do yearly charity streams for extra lives got my shirt on here um we did one in november there san francisco um at the microsoft loft and it was super fun was minecraft a public server like at first

it was just something only you guys could play on right it was a single player world that good did the guy that funded it and then he started a private server um and then some of some of the original members were actually fans that wrote into him saying you know i want to play with you and they became members and some of those guys actually became full-time let's players because of that which is kind of cool you know they were fans watching videos and then got embedded on and uh but the server did you ever make like a public server with hundreds of players thousands of we had we had a mini game server called play man crack um but once the eula came in we sort of were losing quite a bit of

money from that so we shut it down for that reason but there was a big community behind that um but you know you know the way servers go with the eula it's kind of well they didn't really enforce it too much did they but at the same time i sometimes wonder like how if i played that right you know on one hand woody crap was shrinking it just was like uh i guess like a lot of things there's a bell curve to popularity and uh you know sometimes my fellow server owners tell this like story like oh yeah woody stopped investing in us that's not true just all our investments didn't pan out like they once did like we'd make a new game it'd be

wildly popular for less than a week and then wouldn't have a player base and it was like shucks you know like we get up to bat and we just don't seem to hit home runs like we used to i don't know why we're trying just as hard and then the eula came along and suddenly you've got mojang like threatening lawsuits and stuff and you're not making as much money. WoodyCraft was still profitable. It just seemed less worth it. So what I did anyway is I ran it for about six months, maybe more with the store closed for free and just let the player count continue to dwindle.

And sometimes I still get people who are like, WoodyCraft shut down? Like I just realized it. Ha ha, perfect yeah that's how i wanted it to work i wanted you to like not be like oh you fucker like it's gone it needed to be like oh how long has it been gone because that way i feel like they were less impacted by it you know i want them to leave on their own and uh but now that like another year has gone by and they haven't enforced the eula at all i'm like should i have kept that thing cooking yeah man there's a lot of servers out there still you know doing the things that they were doing before and uh i'm not sure like my microsoft's

plan did not as well so you don't know you know will they ever clamp down on the legal side of things? And I'm told it doesn't make money like it used to. The servers? Yeah. And it's shrinking, that's for sure. People will point to the really successful ones and say, Hypixel has 20,000 people on it. That's great. It is great, but they used to have 50,000 people on it.

Yeah, I think one thing that a lot of people that grew up on pc minecraft don't understand is that pc is no longer the core player base of minecraft it's all consoles and tablets now for the most part um and there's actually statistics out there that back that up um so you won't get much people going on the servers there's still a huge player base there obviously but the development now um and the player base is mostly on consoles and tablets it's a lot younger player base there obviously but the development now um and the player base is mostly on consoles and tablets it's a lot younger player base as well um that's a problem i had like so i could reach out to people the people i can reach out to are aging out of minecraft you know like when i was first starting my server these people were like 17 and then it runs for a couple years suddenly they're 21 and they're not minecraft players and you know my youtube channel as an advertising platform lost its

effectiveness there was no one subscribed to me who was yet to hear about the server and uh i don't know it just seemed like it was dwindling so i closed it yeah i think i think that's the way a lot of online sort of platforms in general go you know people grow up people move on and the new generation so to speak comes through right yeah I remember you saying that in a video a while ago actually that you know all the youtubers that are popular I remember you said this three or four years ago actually and it was very accurate a lot of the guys who were popular in AI were going to obviously move on and people were going to grow up.

Who was here four or five years ago, YouTube-wise, and they're gone now. You seem to have... Your channel is one of the exceptions that had a second run. Go ahead. Yeah, so the Call of Duty stuff, I went with,

and then I got really popular with the minecraft stuff like um i was pulling like five six million views a month with the minecraft mod stuff that i was doing um and i had a huge boom with that and i'm not sure what happened because i was looking at my algorithm or analytics on youtube and i had um you know two to three months of really popular growth from youtube's uh recommendation platform and you know how that goes you know two to three months of really popular growth from youtube's uh recommendation platform and you know how that goes you know it changes all the time and they changed some sort of algorithm on there and then some videos that were getting like let's say 2 000 views a day just dropped right down to like you know 50 or 40 or something like that and then obviously everyone jumped on

minecraft and there was a lot more competition there. So that's just the way it goes. Yeah, I have a video. I've never had a 2 million view video, right? I still think I haven't. I had a video, something about like Colin's progress is inspiring and it had like 1.9 million views and it was getting like, you know,

I'm making up numbers, but we'll say four or 500 views a day. And it's like, you know, at some point this is going to take over. And then the YouTube algorithm must've changed because it changed to like six views a day. Like it just, sometimes I do the math and I'm like, I won't even live that long. Like it it's right there. You just put it on your homepage with autoplay for a few days.

Get that up. Tell all your friends. There's another video. homepage with autoplay for a few days. Get that up. Tell all your friends to visit. There's another video that's also 1.9. I looked at it a month or two ago. I think I have two videos now with 1.9 million and the other one's going to pass it. It might be when I tasered FPS Russia.

I'm not sure. That might be the other one. That thing hurts so goddamn much. I hated that. I hated that so much. You acted like it didn't hurt. Of course I acted like it didn't hurt. That's what I do. It's fucking awful. It's awful. It's electricity.

It is. Now that I'm thinking about it, all of my top most popular videos have nothing to do with me my most popular one the only one i have over a million i just happened to be the first person that wouldn't call of the dead that zombie map came out i just happened to record the george romero intro and uploaded it didn't add anything i think i put my own intro on there and uploaded it and that's my most popular video by far behind that also i believe also nothing to

do with me i just fucked up and humiliatingly missed a whole clip of machine gun as some guy schooled me and i'm like oh this is the biggest fail in black ops 3 so far i know that for a fact because it came out two hours ago uploaded that no commentary nothing 30 seconds long dominates my views like compared to all the other garbage I made. And then the one that I made where I didn't talk about and I just pretended that 2012, or the day after tomorrow, was Hurricane Sandy. And people got upset by that.

But I also, once again, had nothing to do with me. Yeah, so this video on Taylor's channel, it's like the news report audio from like Hurricane Sandy, but the visual is from the movie The Day After Tomorrow, when the giant wave crushes New York City. And it's like, it's the biggest wave ever, right? Like it's like something

out of the Bible. Like this thing rolls through skyscrapers and right up Fifth Avenue, and like, you know, it's 30 stories high, this wave. But he's like playing it with the audio of Hurricane Sandy, where they're like, yes, it's it's 30 stories high this wave but he's he's like playing it with the audio of hurricane sandy where they're like yes it's it's it's terrible here on the on the on the north jersey you know turnpike and then just like this massive wave crushes the uh the statue of liberty and it people there were some people who were i guess taking it to be real and more

many more people yeah they thought that just because I uploaded it while people were still being hurt, that that was somehow insane. And I disagree wholeheartedly. Just because people were announced dying slightly a little bit after I uploaded the video doesn't mean I caused them to die. This is real.

This is a movie. We didn't even have the final death toll when you uploaded that shit no heart is this stupid to upload and I was like no I think I know my followers and they'll get a good titter out of this and the ones who wouldn't

don't have electricity right now anyway so it's going to be fine I'm looking at that thing shit I don't think I think I had to take it down it probably had music on it or something like that the 1.9 million view video but I have another 1.9 million view video

and it's I'll bark when I want to god damn it it's not the FPS Russia one so have you hit the 2 million yet no it's at 1.9 I think I had to take I mean 2 million yet? No. It's at 1.9. I think I had to take... We're wearing a dog collar getting a few extra views there and we're almost at 2 million.

Yes. Yeah, that'd be nice. Watch me. I'll bark when I want to, God damn it. Watch it. Give me a little hump. If each of you watch it

a thousand times... We got a real shot at this. If each of them watch it once. That's all it would take. I want to get one of the sensory deprivation tanks. You want one? No, I want to get in one. Oh, I misunderstood.

I re-watched Stranger Things the other day, and I think maybe if I get in one of those, then I could cross over to the other side or something. I think that might be fun. Or at least have some sort of weird introspective experience where you dive into your own psyche. You want to do it in Arizona or somewhere where you can do ayahuasca? Like, smoke mics? Or you just want to get

in the dark pool and just kind of lay there for a bit? No, I'm about to go on a trip. I'm going with Kitty for her birthday, and they have a sensory deprivation tank center nearby, so I think I'm just going to go do it. What are you supposed to get out of it? I've heard a lot of different things.

I don't know, but I just want to experience it because basically you're floating in this salt solution in complete darkness and complete silence, so it cuts off all of your main sensory sensory uh systems and you kind of go on some sort of introspective little little journey i guess do you take drugs with this thing no i i think people do like that so that was that mk ultra stuff that the cia did and like um people have done that before taking lsd like huge doses of lsd and uh then going into those tanks yeah yeah you would you would think so.

And that's kind of in part what Stranger Things is based on, you know, loosely, is that kind of real-life experimentation that our government did and that people have done privately as some sort of, at like universities and experiments and I guess recreationally or for like, I don't know what you call it when you're just wanting to do some weird drugs and go into a tank. But I'm going in there sober um i don't think there's any like chemicals required to like do this thing so is there one near you no like i said i'm going with kitty for a birthday

and there's one there all right yeah that'd be awesome i would love to do that you know one thing that i've wanted to do similar to that recently is going like a 10 day meditation retreat where you just sit and focus on your breath for 10 days and i was watching a guy watch a video uh they went on and he said it just completely like transformed his mind that's terrible dude you were going insane or you would come back like some sort of enlightened being i want to go to a sweat lodge that sounds more fun i want to i want to get in there and sweat and be dehydrated until i almost lose my mind and die and go on a little journey like that sounds 10 days of meditation yeah like that's a guy who's never you're never gonna see him ever again like sitting frustrated waiting at the dmv no because he'll be like i could be

waiting for nothing in the middle of nowhere for no reason. At least at the end of this, I get license plates. And there's AC. So really, it's just you're putting yourself through a really terrible time so that you can appreciate the good times. Maybe that's not what you're supposed to get out of it, but I'm losing it. I don't know. Do you get that you lose a lot of water weight first? You do, you're right.

Well, like, you do long-distance running, so losing that water weight isn't necessarily good. It doesn't really matter, yeah. How does it help you to focus on your breathing? Like, do you mean for the purpose of running or just general meditation? I started meditating about two years ago. Like, a lot of people view meditation as this sort of hippie, stargazer, navel-gazer, whatever thing. But it's gym for your brain, I like to refer to it as.

It's just training your mind. And it helps me be a lot more patient and a lot more... Is it outrageously boring, though? That's my fear, that it's outrageously boring. So here's the thing, though. Outrageously boring, though? That's my fear, that it's outrageously boring. So here's the thing, though. Like, you look at some of the science coming out, and they're starting to get, like, monks and wiring them up with their brains. And when they go into deep stillness for, like, 45-plus minutes, and they get, you know, to this really, really deep stillness, there's profound states of, like, well-being and contentment.

well-being and contentment. Even there was one monk that they measured who had his brain patterns were actually similar to someone taking ecstasy from just sitting and soaking feelings of compassion and stuff like that. I want you, Sada, to take a look at that monk's urine.

Let's make sure that he's not just taking LSD. That's what his meditation really is. You're like, look at him, how focused he is. He's over there like tripping balls. It's like butterflies flying out of his asshole. I always think, I've never tried really meditating, but I always imagine it similar to like,

you know when you wake up before your alarm, and it's only like seven or eight minutes before, so you know that you're not going to actually get back to sleep but you're like i'm not going to get up early i'm just going to lay here and kind of you know silence and just kind of think about try and think about nothing and just enjoy like man this blanket's so warm it's going to be great it's going to really suck to get in the shower like is it kind of like that well the thing is meditation that might sound crazy ultimately is about not doing anything and it sounds so in weird because you know the whole western world is about doing something and getting

something in return um but the guy that really turned me on to it was sam harris who is like hardcore atheist um and he has went on three month ready meditation retreats and just studied. Oh, no. Oh, my God. Let me ask you, do you do TM, Transcendental Meditation? No, that, well, I do something called Vipassana, which is breathing, so you just focus on your breath, you know, in and out, in and out. But TM, like, it's mantra meditation, so, you know, if I give you Kyle, all you do is say, Kyle, Kyle, Kyle, Kyle. It just focuses on something else. This would kill me. That's what Howard Stern does. Kyle, all you do is say Kyle, Kyle, Kyle, Kyle.

It's just focusing on something else. This would kill me. I've never tried meditation, but I've tried sunbathing, and I can sunbathe as a teenager or something for like 15 seconds before I'm like, I've got to get the fuck up. I am so bored. There's

things to do in this world, and laying in the sand is not one of them that's not a thing that you do i i i just leave i gotta get up i i it just like i'm like a kid being restrained i have to go and i i think if i were to go to meditation retreat it would it would happen to me again i would just be like i can't believe all you guys like sitting here and not doing a fucking thing this would i I would get wrapped up in a ball. Like the isolation chamber either. The,

uh, the, uh, the, the, what do they call them? They sensory deprivation. Yeah.

They've got like a cool name for them. Like, uh, like that's not it. Well, I know that's the, that's, I definitely don't want to use the deprivation tank or whatever.

Oh, I don't want to, I don't even like, uh, water slides that have a cover on them. I do. I do like those. I never understood that. Hey, you want to go on the water slide with the cover over it?

No. How am I supposed to feel how fast I'm going if I can't see stuff going by me? If I'm in just a dark tube, I just feel kind of going fast. I don't like that. You always have to be worried. Oh, God. I hate hate I always think about it like prayer like when I was

like praying in church as a little kid like I kind of felt like that was what meditation was supposed to be but you can't ever really like get it that way in prayer fully because at least for me like as a child like as a kid I was so worried about how mad Jesus was at me about everything that like everything was like and also I'm so sorry

for that oh shit I also forgot that I did that to Samantha at school I'm sorry but oh I just cursed in my own prayer I'm sorry about that that was like the Irish must do that all the time and you just manufacture new things you know so prayer itself

like there's this there's this uh meditation teacher uh called shinzen young and he goes through uh all the religions and in actual christianity there was something called silent prayer which was essentially meditation um obviously it's been phased out nowadays christianity but uh if you look back like a lot of old religions actually all have their own forms of meditation it isn't just something like a Buddhist does and even then it can be not completely secular you know

and I always give this analogy to people like I hear it coming on as some sort of pushing it on people but you look back 50 years ago and if you were running someone would ask you what are you running from and obviously running is a staple of a healthy life. I think the next sort of big thing is mental health, obviously,

and I think meditation is going to be at the forefront of that in terms of a healthy mental life, because, you know, the science is out there. There's stuff like MBSR, which is Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, done at UMass Medical School. And there's stuff at Stanford under CCARE, which is the Center for Compassion and Mindfulness. And the science coming out for all of this stuff is kind of crazy, the changes in your brain that you can make from just sitting down and concentrating on your breath 10 minutes a day. You're totally right about people in the 40s and 50s not doing cardio like

like find like the action star in a movie from 1952 and i guarantee you that guy doesn't know what leg day is like none of those people had a leg day ever they were all like top heavy you know world war ii navy looking men who didn't have like any kind of definition in their body but they had like a solid like that guy eats a lot of beef and probably carbs body there's a lot of there's a lot of power he hits his white cards yeah he can fold a woman over with one blow You can tell We're bad people Now like celebrities who are the big heroes In movies they clearly go to leg day

Even like Marky Mark They go to leg day Ped day Performance enhancing drug That's what Paul's thing is Anyway Yeah I'm convinced Hollywood and steroids go hand in hand head day that's what paul's thing can be called performance enhancing jerk anyway uh yeah i did i'm convinced hollywood and steroids go hand in hand i mean that's not a big something you know

something definitely does like like the rock you look at somebody like that and like he's clearly doing all kinds of stuff like like and one of them is incredible like work ethic and hard work but like he's just so unnaturally big. It's scary. He's like 48 years old or something. The Rock is not a young man. He's that old. He's in his 40s. 46, 48,

somewhere in there. 44. The Rock also is very genetically muscular as well, but obviously the drugs help. Go back and look at his early like wwe days if it was wwe then and you know he just looks like a football player which is i think kind of what he was but he now he looks freakish he looks like a samoan god who's come down to like raise their island from the ashes and like take the mainland or something he looks scary he really did um there was uh who was it uh

i'm gonna show you guys this picture um he was in batman the dark knight rises he was the main star um what's his name christian bale christian bale yeah you see his transformation uh yeah just just all his weight gains over the years from all the movies he goes from like 55 kg to like in a matter of a year like that weight gain scientifically you can only gain like somewhere between.5 and 1 pound of muscle every week or two you know and he puts it all on

and like think about how depressing that must have been to be in Batman Begins shape and then be like god damn it like I worked my ass off. Now I have to get down to Rescue Dawn knowing that I have to get right back to Batman shape the next year.

The worst one is Reign of Fire there, 2002 and then The Machinist, 2004 where he is he looks like he's going to die. He does, he looks like he's going to die. Almost half his body weight he has lost in two years. It's kind of crazy.

It's outrageous. I don't know. Look at him in the fighter. That does not look like Batman. Not at all. That's a hell of a transformation. Well, he's 20 kilograms lighter, which is a lot of freedom. Incredible.

Yeah, it's like 68 pounds or something. That's incredible. Which is a lot of freedom of maintenance. Yeah, it's like 68 pounds or something. That's outrageous. I just realized. How many stone is that? I don't know. Oh, now I can see Woody. Like three.

I don't know. Four. I just realized you couldn't see me. Oh, no worries. This is me. Yeah, he really puts on the stones and takes them off that's got to be the hardest part about acting like i have i have no i'm not impressed on the stones yeah like i'm not impressed at all by daniel day lewis pretending to be abraham lincoln all day a every day all that shows is oh you're not a good enough actor to memorize the lines

like you you can't like you should be able to jump back into Lincoln without you know screaming at all the black people at lunch by the craft table this was your fault you shouldn't need that that seems silly but this body change stuff

that's incredible god he's being such a cunt But this body change stuff, that's incredible. God, he's being such a cunt. I'm the great emancipator. Silence, child, and give me those sweet potatoes. He's asking, do you own any land? Do you own land, sir? You know, like, wondering if he has to care about what we have to say.

You a landowner, man the the body transformation thing is always impressive yeah there's there's been a bunch of good examples of it i think gaining weight is obviously the harder thing to do right because especially if you're a vain actor or actress uh when you saw like um what's her name for bridget jones diary she she gained like 25 pounds or something and if you're like a Hollywood actress, that's gotta be a scary thing to do. Yeah. Because they phase you out for

way less weight than that. Isn't Amy Schumer playing Barbie in a Barbie movie or something? I did hear that. I'm not watching that shit. Is that real? Yeah, I think so. Why would she play Barbie when she's horrific horrific i think that's the point maybe that's why it's funny hey we're doing a gi joe movie but it's actually gonna be you know a quadriplegic

chess player who you know happens in and shows that he's just as good a part of the team or like what this no nobody's gonna go see barbie with amy schumer because very few little girls out there are going you know who i really love i love amy schumer i love what's so bad about amy schumer is it just because she's liberal no no she's not funny and she steals jokes that's right now this joke stealing was it's totally like she steals jokes she if you look at all the evidence and i mean like you spent if you spend half an hour on youtube like watching youtube videos about about this thing and like getting to the bottom of it you're like yeah that's just indefensible like there's too many coincidences there you know it's like when you watch melania trump deliver her

speech you're like yeah yeah somebody wrote that for you and they copied Michelle Obama when they did it. I was going to say that some of it, she didn't write the speech. Ultimately, the book stops at her. There's two lies. One is that I wrote it and two is that I wrote it originally. It's neither

original nor her writing. Amy Schumer. If you watch, there's a YouTube clip out there, I don't know the name of the video but it just shows patrice you know from like 2005 doing exactly the same routine that 11 years later and it's it's down to even like the cadence like the breaks in the jokes are similar like it's beyond the pale obvious is it the joke about i think that's the different things to call it when you come on a woman and one of them's beyond the pale, obvious. Is it the joke about the different things to call it when you cum on a woman and one of them's like the spider web or something like that

or something where you're like cum on her face or something? Yeah, the pirate or something. Kick him in the shin so they're going argh and hopping around on one leg. It's not even funny. No, it was just an overly crude joke. She didn't even steal a great one. Like Patrice has way better jokes than that. Yeah, I i i watched it i was like there's like five pieces of evidence and i was

like i think three of these are like generic enough and not exact copies that i could let him go one of them was it was actually someone on her staff that stole it and while she's responsible and the other was she kind of just stole it and then her show had those bits that were similar to they were from the show like that yeah that's where they were yeah so kind of saying that in addition to the stand-up her show itself had some bits that were ripped off from i'm saying the thing i saw like half of them with a show yeah like it wasn't yeah we're on the same page yeah i don't know i don't know why i've given her the benefit of the doubt because she was clearly guilty on at least one or two of the charges so the rest i was like i don't know. I don't know why I've given her the benefit of the doubt because she was clearly guilty on at least one or two of the charges.

So the rest, I was like, I don't know. I think they're just adding – She's a manufactured celebrity is what it really feels like. When someone starts rising or their star starts rising and you feel like it's manufactured, like it's being forced down your throat, your first reaction is to vomit it up. And I feel like that's where I down your throat like your your first reaction is to vomit it up and i feel like that's where where i am with amy schumer it seems like there's there's a lot of people who are in the amy schumer business it's what it feels like and they're sort of pushing this pushing her on me and it's like no you're not gonna like force me to like this you're not gonna like you're like i feel like there's this big hollywood machine that was like all right here we go you get three movie deals eight magazine uh uh covers you get like 14

interviews with with these guys like and this is all a big package that we're just putting together for you that's what it feels like that happens all the time in comedy though like like i remember i forget who it was i think it was eddie murphy but usually deservedly or something usually deserved yeah those are like great or maybe Or maybe it was Seinfeld. But they're like, hey, congratulations. You're doing great. You're about to get the package. You're going to get a sitcom.

You're going to get an HBO comedy special. You're going to get something else and maybe an album. Well, all those are independent from one another. What I'm saying is like I feel like there's a conglomerate. There's like a business. There's a money-making media machine who owns Amy Schumer who's like, look, this is how this is going to,

maybe her representation or whoever is plugged into this thing. I feel like if you have a male-dominated industry, every so often, women get an unfair push in it. And I guess coming from tech, I saw that. There's all these scholarships for girls in engineering. If there's ever two people of even relatively similar talents, it's like, oh my God, can you believe a girl that doesn't suck?

That's the tech world. In aviation right now, so I'm not in aviation, but I'm interested in it. They're falling over backwards to get girls to fly planes. Free training, free hours. It's like five or six grand. If there's two people of similar qualifications, they hire the girl because there's very few girls in it. If it's a male-dominated industry like comedy, tech, or aviation,

and there's girls that show an interest, oh my god, they fall over. You ever seen a female airline pilot that uh that uh that uniform looks really hot on them yeah it's a good look maybe that's why they get all this free shit it's guys trying to get laid about the the amy schumer thing i don't remember what i think it was a comedian or maybe it was like joe rogan on his podcast i don't remember but he was talking about how he thought, it must not have been Joe Rogan, but they were comparing it to what happened with like Sam Kinison to Amy Schumer,

where someone who really hasn't been doing, like Amy Schumer was opening for Jim Norton a few years ago. Like she hasn't been like a huge name on the comedy scene for long. She really was just vaulted to the top. And whereas someone like Louis CK, who even if you don't like his most recent specials you know by the time he'd gotten popular he had been doing stand-up for 20 years you know he'd been doing it for a long time he had a huge catalog of ideas he had hair stand-up material he had hair all this stuff to look back

on and so when he does get boosted to the top it's like okay i kind of have a feel for what i can do i've dreamed about this day for so long i know what i would do when i got to the top whereas with amy schumer it's like all right you know louis and these comedians are kind of setting the bar that you need a new netflix style special every year and you don't even have your first you know two specials hammered down and you're trying to write a TV show on top of that. You're trying to get involved in this. There's dead dudes you can take jokes from. That's true. Yeah. It didn't end up panning out, but I

think that's just like a star that burned out too quick. I still don't think it's particularly funny, but I think a lot of the collapse, the quick collapse, is because of how quickly she rose. Is it Chelsea Handler? Is that her name? Yes. i guess she's fussing back and forth with a trump thing does it can someone sure she's she's very liberal i saw a gif of her um sort of mocking melania um or maybe my actually

she was mocking trump's hand on ivanka's hip i think oh. Ivanka or my mommy? Oh, I'm sorry. It was Ivanka in the image that I saw. Ivanka. I thought Ivana. My mistake. Yeah, and she said, I think she made fun of Barron. Did she do that? I'm unaware of any of that. She did something that kind of got her in hot water,

and then she doubled down on it, which on one hand is not cool. On the other hand, it's very Trumpian. You want to see her tits go on Netflix and watch her little traveling thing she does? She's like 40 years old. That woman has spectacular titties. I don't know what she's doing to them. It's real? It's like a sea cup. They're pretty big,

but they're not sagging. They're not going away. They're up here pretty high. They look great. She's like horseback riding at one point, topless. She gets topless a lot in there. It's wonderful stuff. I thought it was just so-so. I'm a fan. Of her or of that?

Of her titties. Okay. Not of her so much. Her show's okay. If you add titties to the package, she's a beast. If she did her show fucking nude, I would definitely be on board. Yeah, absolutely. Did you watch the drug one?

The drug one? Yeah. Did she do a drug-related? Her show is called Chelsea Does, right? Am I in the right show? I usually skip to the titties. I'm not sure. Okay, so I think the show is called Chelsea Does.

And then each episode, she does a thing. Chelsea does exercise, cosmetic chelsea does drugs and uh i'm like drugs so that one's totally interesting like let's go to that and um i think she smoked pot and she might have done something else but she definitely did i'm gonna mess this up maybe peyote like she she traveled somewhere and under like the guidance of a shaman, maybe? It's been like nine months. Medicine man. Which doctor?

She had to take this stuff. And the first time, it didn't do anything for her but make her sick. So she didn't have any epiphany or mind-opening experiences. She just vomited into a bowl while laying on a deck in the heat. And I'm like, this is the worst drug experience. Like, that's pretty much me after a drinking episode on PKA. That's all she had going on. And I'm like, that's just all the yuck.

And then the second time, apparently her mind was open and she went on some vision quest and threw up into a bowl while laying on a deck in the heat. Yeah, I think that's cactus juice. Do you think they ever have horrible, horrible trips on those? Like, they go there, it's uncomfortable, it's hot, it's dirty. Some guy who is very

sketchy, much sketchier than you anticipated, doesn't look at all like the kind Native American, one with the land guy you anticipated. Not that guy who cries at the littering. He just looks like a dirty old Indian man. No, in fact, this guy has tattoos of teardrops in place of where they were. It's drug, and you have a horrible trip.

You're vomiting. You're hallucinating unpleasant things. But you can't go back and be like, that $7,000 trip that I paid to that scam artist to feed me poison mushrooms from the middle of the desert. Yeah, I got ripped off. I'm a rube. So they have to go back and be like, what'd you learn? Oh my god, so many things. For me to even try and put it in is a complete waste of time. You'll never understand.

You'll never comprehend. I looked up the drug because I thought it was interesting. Ayuhasha? Ayahuasca. Ayahuasca? Ayahuasca. That's right. I don't know if my drug's really... So she did Ayahuasca ayahuasca ayahuasca that's right i i don't know my drugs really but i so she did

ayahuasca and that's like uh similar like dmt people have been said i've heard people describe it similar to that um but you have to go to the forest and take it yeah she was in some sort of hut and it looked terrible like oh is that what she took as well is that what handler it wasn't coyote it i had it wrong it was okay ayahuasca yeah that's what it sounded like because it sounds almost identical to robin quiver's you know howard stern's sidekick story about doing the exact same thing going out to this hut, and this guy gave her this brown liquid in a jug, and she drank it, and she threw up. No, she drank it, and nothing happened.

They were like, well, drink more, and she drank more, and she froze up. They're like, when you throw up, that's how you know it's working. And Howard, of course, who's like a germaphobe who doesn't leave Manhattan, is just like, oh, God, you went into a jungle with a filthy old medicine man? You drank something out of an old motor oil jug vomiting on a porch? That's what happened to Robin, too. It sounds like Chelsea Handler stole Robin Quiver's story is what it sounds like. She lived it for sure.

It's on video. Oh, well, then, okay, then. Yeah. I don't know. Did Robin experience anything? i don't know did robin experience anything i don't remember because chelsea did it two nights in a row the first time was a total disappointment and she's like well i guess i'll try it again and then the second time wasn't a disappointment i don't remember if robin got anything out of it robin has done a lot of stuff like that she's done like

those uh she does the cryogenic therapy where they freeze you down to crazy low temperatures When you stand in that chamber She's done the coffee enemas Where they put coffee up your butt And then wash it out You know who did a coffee enema? Alina From Sailing La Vagabonde

Alina? Yeah I tried to say the name just like Riley did. Yeah. I mean, she did a YouTube video on it. So she went to this retreat. I would like to have been the technician. I have a lot of respect and I like them and I value my relationship with them. It's a funny little preface.

But she did a vlog and she went went to a retreat where for 10 days, she basically fasted but enemaed. And so the coffee enema was towards the end. So she has no nourishment. And then apparently, the coffee enema is a little hint of butt nourishment, I guess. Finally, she's got nothing going on, but they shove some caffeine up the backside,

and she gets a little boost to make it through day 9 or 10 or something. It seems like something you would do in prison when you can't find any other drugs, and you're like, I need something, man. Here, just funnel that coffee at my ass. Actually, just shove the little crystals up there. It's instant, right? You know what else? funnel that coffee at my ass actually just shove the crystals up there it's instant right i was thinking about um like i think the only reason people go on those ayahuasca trips is because it's like a native american thing it's like a smaller group that you have like

this perception that they're closer to the land because nobody would ever ever go to an equally rural disconnected group in the appellations and be like oh my god john bob has the best moonshine you can imagine i drank three teaspoons of it hallucinated all night it was the most eye-opening experience i've ever had in my life those people in the appellations you may not be able to understand their complex language and tonality but they are wise beyond their years, I tell you what. They are wise beyond their years. I don't know why I'm giving a Trump hand with it, but they are wise beyond their years.

Like, nobody's ever... They don't get any respect for their woodland antics. No. They made a movie in their honor, Deliverance. It's our culture. Such a terrifying movie.

You've never seen Deliverance. Actually, that wouldn't be their accent. Appalachian accents are hard. I haven't seen Deliverance. I need to see it. You haven't seen Deliverance? Oh, isn't that the movie? There's like a horrible rape scene in that, isn't it?

Mm-hmm. In Deliverance. Get your panties off! And that's what's deterred me. It's funny. Dude, something about that rape scene. We like pee! We!

We! And Ned Beatty's like, We! Yeah. Dude, there are people that die in that movie, right? There are people that die in that movie. And I think to myself, Ned Beatity's character

will never be the same right yeah ned baity's character is going to have mental health issues for the rest of his life i in my head i'd almost pick one to be one of the dead guys like some guy took an arrow to the heart died that that's where his story ends ned baity on the other hand has another 40 years of torture that's it i don't know maybe other people don't feel he's not gonna talk though he's not gonna tell he's not gonna like you know if you if you're um if you're john voight's character you know you're a little worried that everybody might talk right about what happens at the end of the movie and how they deal with the whole situation you know ned baity ain't gonna say a fucking word

nobody all right i gotta watch this movie now because that the only thing that's turned me off is i hate like rape scenes are the most uncomfortable thing in any show ever because it's it's just viscerally violated what's the movie it's like the anal rape scene in the tunnel like irreversible irreversible i had irreplaceable dude now i'm not gonna see it dude there's so irreversible um the movie happens in reverse am i right about that yeah so like so it is i guess yeah so like it opens up with this guy beating the hell out of another guy but you don't know why you might even think that the beater is the bad guy. And then it plays out, this whole relationship, this complexity,

like two guys sort of competing and whatever, and at one point, this woman walks through a tunnel, and she gets raped. Mostly because she looked kind of high class, and she was. She was nice, she was put together, whatever, and she was in the wrong place. It's Monica Bellucci who is my

version of perfection. She's so goddamn hot. If you've seen the second Matrix movie, she's the Merovingian's girlfriend who's wearing the latex see-through dress so you can see her pussy the whole time. It's great. Monica Bellucci. She's done a lot of foreign films because that's where

she's from. She's not an American. Lots of nudity. Lots of bush bush big titties real hot but the rape scene is just way over the top terrible lot it's a real beating and raping and it's it's terrible um so you learn eventually that that whole beating that gets delivered early on with the fire extinguisher like chipping away at the guy's skull and face it was deserved it was deserved i don't care for that movie at all i've seen it once um i don't think you watch that one twice unless you're really into like right dude it was

hard to watch you're just you're like oh did i mention it was an anal rape scene a dry anal rape scene i feel like that adds to the horrificness of it because because women are built for the other kind of rape, right, Woody? Isn't that what you always say? I'm looking for a better phrasing. I'm looking for a better phrasing. Well, you keep looking. I'm going to sit in silence.

I just, it's, you know, there's a certain preparation, and I guess it's prep in both orifices, but on the butt in particular, it's more damaging. Yes. Yeah. Both of them are mentally damaging, perhaps equally, but one of them is

more physically damaging. yeah, something about that rape scene is super horrific. But if you want a good rape scene, go watch Deliverance. You've got Burt Reynolds, Ned Beatty, and Jon Voight, you know, three huge stars from that time period.

And they're basically coming to Georgia. They're in Atlanta, I think, and they're coming out to my neck of the woods to do a little whitewater rafting, and things go awry. It's hard to watch at times, but it's a good movie. You should definitely see it. On a scale of one to Oz, how hard is it to watch? I would say if –

Deliverance? Yeah, I'd say it's like a – Above Oz, below Oz? Like if Oz is a 10, I would say this is like an 8. Oh, okay. I can handle it. I don't know. There's quite a few things in Oz that were hard to watch. There's no cock. You don't see any nudity,

I don't think. It's just very awkward. But she's in pain. The cock wasn't the hard part to get by in Oz. We're talking about the back of the cipher. It's Ned Beatty getting fucked. It's a little funnier when Ned Beatty gets fucked. Ned Beatty was ashamed. Of course. Well, Monica Bellucci wasn't

proud either. No, but she was in pain and she was scared. Ned Beatty was ashamed and it was hard to watch that happen to somebody. Like, it... The guy's like twisting Ned Beatty's ear. He's like, squeal like a pig, boy! Because that's going to turn him on. That's like

so disgusting, right? Like this guy... The thing that'll turn him on and get him hard is if you squeal like the pigs he normally fucks. I didn't even put together that was normal for him. I didn't even put together, like, oh, right, he normally fucks pigs. I thought he was just, like, yeah. Nah, nah. He's like, you look just like a pig, boy.

And that ties into why I asked Jackie to look more pixelated, so she can look like more normal girls. But you'll see that referenced in other movies and cartoons and stuff, so it's good to have that one under your belt so you get the joke when you see shit like that. I like that movie. I've only seen it twice. The first time I saw it, I distinctively remembered. It's a thriller, all right?

Because you need that rape scene for the stakes to be that high for the things that are coming you know there's a lot of like gotta pull your shit together stop being a city boy and like fucking kill some rednecks if you have to in this movie and so the stakes are that high it's death or rape right so like they're pretty fucking high i like it it's a thriller no i'm looking at monica bluchi matrix she's in a clear dress you say it's latex so it's the consistency of those white latex rubber gloves that you might see but when that is stretched it's it's translucent to a to an extent so you can see her bush through the the the material that's around her crotch i've seen that movie 18 or 20 times, I promise you.

I even know all the fan theories about her being a transsexual, which is why they're in the men's room during that scene. There's a whole thing about it. It's something to do with the computing world that I didn't really grasp, but there's lots of stuff like that in The Matrix. It also would make sense because the Wachowski brothers turned out to be the wachowski sisters you know both of them turned out to be transsexuals have you guys ever watched i might have to step up to bing for this search like good uh trapped movies if that's a genre yeah where like people are like saw one would be a good example

where pretty much the whole movie is i mean there's like the detective half of the movie but there's mostly the part of them in that room trying to figure your shit out and there's like cube or hyper cube or whatever there was a horrible series of stupid movies uh yeah one where the guy in the coffin yeah um 127 hours no i've never seen maybe when his arms under a thing yeah i've never seen 127 hours i know what maybe when his arm's under a thing. Yeah, I've never seen 127 hours. I know what it's about, and I don't want to see it. I don't want to see that any more than I want to see Open Water,

because I know what it's about and how it ends. It just doesn't seem like that's the kind of film that's fun or enjoyable or you're going to take much away from if you know all that stuff going in. I'm just going to sit there and watch him suffer. What was? Stressful of a movie.

Buried, the one where it's just a guy in a casket underground. That was very uncomfortable. He's got a phone that is like right next to him but it's so close. He can barely get it up against his ear and it's running out of battery

and he's not getting service because the terrorists got him a Sprint phone. It's just garbage. The whole movie sucks. And one of my first thoughts in that movie when he's trapped there going, help, where is he? I'm here. And doing that, I'm like, oh, my God, what if he has to take a shit? What if he has to poop?

Was my first thought. Well, that was my first thing. if he has to poop was my first thought. That was my first thing. If I showed up in that box, I'd be like, okay, if I do have to take a shit, let me finagle myself down there. Okay, I can shit as close to this corner as possible.

Back up in my casket. Get me out of here! I didn't take a shit in there! You've only been in there for 40 minutes. Well, take me out and put me in a new box, please. I had a lot of coffee and frosted mini-wheats. You guys are the ones who haven't fed me anything but falafel for a week and a half. The thing that really annoyed me about that movie, he had sales signals.

So GPS, man, he could have just taxed the coordinates but no yeah no nope well maybe not I don't know he can't look too far into any of those movies or you realize pretty quickly oh they could have found him before that yeah you notice how most modern movies where it's like I don't know a horror movie or something like that they immediately

sort of try to get rid of the cell phone as a device because it really ruins so many plots of movies if get rid of the cell phone as a device because it really ruins so many plots of movies if someone has a goddamn cell phone because, you know, it does everything, right? You can call the cops, you can call the hospital, you can geolocate yourself, you can take pictures and video

to, like, show later that the bad guy, you know, is the bad guy. It's a one-stop, you know, movie ruiner. I remember when friends was released on netflix there was a whole episode where joey and chandler were trapped on the roof that it's like cell phones you just would totally be like hey over the door yeah and oh that week in denver without my cell phone was crippling it was so awful like i i literally felt like i didn't have a piece of my body and i tried not to let it get me down because we're on vacation. But it kept coming up.

I would look and everybody else is on their cell phones doing shit. Or I would need to navigate. I'd need to get the answer to a simple question. I couldn't do the things I needed to do. It's like a brain extension enhancement. It's not just a memory device. It has the collection of all human wisdom up until now in it. Just yesterday, I was talking to my mother-in-law. We were sitting on the front porch

and we were wondering if the sun set later in North Carolina than New Jersey. I knew that technically it would because we're closer to the equator, but I didn't know how significant it was. I asked Siri. 29 minutes. That's the difference like she's amazing people don't appreciate her and 20 years ago you would have been sitting on the porch having the same conversation and you would have been like yeah it does she'd be like no it doesn't you'd have been like well i don't even know if my current set of encyclopedia britannica has this in there and if it does who knows if they even figured it out in 1997.

So, no. You're probably right. Whatever. Well, you know intellectually. You know how Alaska is dark all day in the winter and light all day in the summer, right? So, you know, you knew that Jersey and North Carolina would be different. I just don't know if it's 30 seconds or 30 minutes. Like, it's 29 minutes.

It's 29 minutes. Yeah. It's amazing about that the other day too because i was watching the inauguration and obviously that's east coast too but they were getting dark so quickly i was looking out my window and then looking back at you know the president and i was like huh that's interesting oh it's so weird to call him the president isn't it oh man every time i go to his twitter and it says the 45th president of the united states i'm like you can't put that there oh wait i read uh on reddit last week how weird would it be to just take a screenshot of that twitter page and send it back 10 years just without any explanation i was watching cnn today

and i thought to myself like wow how weird would? I almost took a picture of my screen because the headline was so ludicrous. It was like, Mexican president cancels trip to Washington after Trump tweets. I was like, oh my god, tweets about building border wall. And I was like, this is the world I live in right now. Our president is building a border wall between us and our third largest trade partner and saying he's going to tax them and all of their imports at a rate of 20 as a way to make them pay for the motherfucking thing like that's our world right now so on this show i'm typically the the blue guy the liberal guy or the cuck if half of you like to say um but on on some of these trump things like i'm just waiting to see like i'm

not oh yeah i'm excited with with the with our trade relationship with mexico um certainly our farmers i'm told are doing really well but our manufacturing is doing really poorly oh here's a thing i was reading economists say that our nafta is kind of a break even but economists look at the world a little differently. If our manufacturing gets decimated and then maybe some tech thing fires up or a farmer thing fires up, an economist would say, oh, this is all even. But to people in manufacturing, it feels terrible. And that's kind of the thing. Anyway, I feel like we lose in a lot of our relationships.

That's kind of the thing. Anyway, I feel like we lose in a lot of our relationships. If Trump wants to shake things up, you know, like if I have a die, a six-sided, and I roll it and I get a two, and you tell me this guy is going to roll it again, I say, all right. You know? Let's see what we get. Two kind of sucked. What he's not going to do is get something worse than what he started with. You don't know? Like, it can only get better. Like, I can't imagine the man who wrote The Art of the Deal like going and renegotiating NAFTA

and we come out worse than we went in. I don't have the same faith. I feel like Trump has these elite negotiation skills, right? Stalled with E's in seven. You know, like Trump's elite negotiator. It's got to be great. And I think, I don't know, like, let's watch. I hope it's going to be great. And I think, I don't know. Let's watch.

I hope it's going to be great. I just don't know that. He's got a strong bargaining position. Yeah. But like we said about before with saying that it's making Mexico pay for it by imposing those tariffs. It's not. It's making the people who buy lettuce or cars or whatever the hell imported from Mexico. They're the ones paying for it. So it's kind of tricky to pretend like, oh, no, it's not just going to be a tax we add on. It's going to be a basically one-step removed tax where, oh, I guess your lettuce costs $1.20 instead of $1 now or whatever it would be. I guess your lettuce costs $1.20 instead of $1 now or whatever it would be.

Yeah, traditionally that's what they do is it's passed on to the consumer. So we'll have to see either how he safeguards the American public and manufacturers and companies and corporations from that or if he goes a different route like I was talking about earlier with taxing the remittance, the money that gets sent back through Western Union and similar services. It's an enormous amount of money that goes every year. It's like enough money to pay for the wall, which they're estimating. I think Paul Ryan said $14 billion, and you've got the guys on the left, of course, saying $20 billion.

So somewhere between $14 and $20 billion. It's a lot of money. I'm sure it will be done ahead of time and below budget or whatever, Ahead of schedule and under budget. Ahead of schedule and under budget. Absolutely. That's how he does things. Did you hear about him rescuing, lassoing, if you will, that $220 million that Obama had sent to the Palestinians on his way out? He froze it? Yeah, I saw that.

I didn't know that he rescued it. I just learned recently that Obama's like, oh yeah, oh, yeah, right before I go, sign this. Have 220 million Palestinians. I just got to put this in the mailbox on the way out. And Trump undid it. He undid it. I often feel like we don't get good value for our foreign aid. That was his exact response.

It was like a very well-worded response of like we want to make sure that we're giving money to partners. We're getting a return for the money that we give to our allies and partners around the world. I feel that way everywhere. They fucking support Hamas. We have a ton of military bases in Germany, right? Just a bunch of Americans buying German stuff, doing German things, protecting Germany. Germany doesn't need the same army that they otherwise would have because there's American bases there, et cetera, et cetera. What are we getting out of that? Did we impose rules?

I don't know if they're allowed to have quite the army they used to have. It's been a long time, though. I just want to know that we're getting something in return that's worth it. Israel's the one I point to the most, right? We spend – I forget if it was $3 or $3.5 billion a year. And I just think, well, what do we get for a three billion? It needs to be a good value. Two billion, you say? Yeah, I think what happened

was, like, the more we looked at it, the lower the number kept getting, and we were like, well, shit, that's actually not that bad. All right, it's not that bad. Yeah, it's kind of a steal. It's kind of a steal. You know, to keep democracy in the Middle East for two billion a year or whatever it is. Like, think of Israel as, like, an aircraft carrier that we've got sitting right in the middle of all the people who hate or whatever like think of israel as like a

an aircraft carrier that we've got sitting right in the middle of all the people who hate us and like i don't know aircraft carriers are expensive not three billion a year that would be our i well i looked it up there was something 220 million a year or something like that um an aircraft yes and that's way cheaper than i would think i always imagine those because we don't like those that's like the one part of our military where you know they'll say like oh we have a 10 25 thousand tanks and 10 000 of these jets and then eight of these yeah it's like real fucking serious thing if we built eight and we were like do you think we need to build nine and they were like are you kidding me nobody else even has three when it comes to aircraft carriers and they're proud of it yeah

the other one they have them and they suck they're like we've got one aircraft carrier but you can't launch any good... China has theirs. It's like a month old. Let me tell you this little story because it's funny. China had a private Chinese citizen. They had to do some reach-around bullshit to make this happen. They had a private Chinese citizen buy

I want to say it was a Ukrainian or Russian aircraft carrier from them that was junked. They bought it for scrap. They tow it back to China and retrofit it to be their one and only aircraft carrier. Now they have some other vessels that are capable of aircraft launch, but

you can't land a plane back on them. So it's like a... So American aircraft carriers have a catapult. And because we have a catapult, we can launch bigger, faster, better planes. The other ones just have a ramp.ult, we can launch bigger, faster, better planes. The other one just have a ramp. So they can only launch planes that are like light enough. And like they're,

they're kind of smaller, lighter planes that can take off under their own power in a couple hundred yards. Like, so the catapult apparently means we can launch some like heavy duty shit. Or is it that we can catch our planes on, uh, on the way back?

Because I know the Russians kept having problems with their capture system. They have all those sorties that they're running in Syria. And they kept losing jets on the way back down on the landing because that cable that catches them

and then decelerates them for landing was snapping. And aircraft are going off into the fucking sea and shit. It's more complicated than you might guess if you hadn't been thinking about it. It's not like it's just a cable that catches it. It's a cable

that slowly unwinds and takes it to the end of the ship and slows it down. Then it winds back up and it's got to be ready to go again. Apparently, it was the catapult, the launching system that really distinguishes our aircraft carriers from the others. I was just reading about it recently. And that we've got more than one of them.

Yeah. We've got seven or eight or something like that. It's just like those B-2 bombers. Those things are like a couple billion dollars a piece, right? I think they're $2 billion each. And we've got a handful of them. I mean, it's not like we've got three. Each one's in Israel.

Yeah, sure. No, there's... You've seen... Those are just like the black, like flat, thin, kind of spooky ones. I've seen those at like air shows and whatnot. Not at all stealthy. Saw it coming a mile away and heard it.

Was it noisy? Yeah. Oh, yeah. It made the amount of noise you'd expect a giant Skycraft, like the sonic boom or whatever it is. Or maybe it doesn't fly. No, it does fly supersonic. Of course it does, right?

A lot of people in paramotoring are interested in other aviation things. So I learned things here and there. Yeah, you probably know more. Anyway, yeah, not because of me, though, because of people I talk to. Radar, of course, used to bounce sounds and lights and whatever, radio beams. Apparently now there's tracking devices that work on sound. So being stealthy is like a constant pain in the ass. Like you know, first you gotta work on your radio wave profile, then once you get a bunch

of flat edges, now you gotta work on your heat signature, now you gotta work on your sound signature, now you gotta... It's really hard to avoid like all the different fucking things and every time you do it it's another like 15 years and two billion billions of dollars and um there are people who think stealthy is a bad idea they're like oh my god it is so much harder to stay ahead than it is to catch up it we're just always going to be spending trillions for ineffective radar evasion. People say that. I don't know.

Well, they look really cool. They do. They do. Oh, I was watching a TV show about fighter aircraft and stuff, and when the stealth thing first came around, they looked at how to paint the planes, because there used to be this blue-gray thing. It turns out the best color that makes them most invisible across the different colors of sky

is like a pastel shade of light purple it works in sunsets it works at night it's not too glaring against a blue sky etc and the army looked at it and they're like pastel purple planes fuck that make it black and that's why we have black planes. This is how bad I would be in the military. My first thought was, what would be the best option? I'm like, ah, just putting mirrors on the outside of the whole thing. And then I'm like, oh, fuck, you couldn't just send this thing scooting across

the Midwest lighting fires the entire way. Shooting a beam of light straight down. But it wouldn't be. If you put mirrors on it, it would be the ground, right? Because that's what the reflector would be like. Why is the earth flying across the sky? If you put mirrors on it, the radar would bounce right back and locate you and shoot you with a missile that would be bouncing signals right off your mirror sides.

I thought they were black because that was the color of that radar absorbing paint. Because it seemed like all the stealth shit is black. The TV show clearly said it was because it was the color of that radar-absorbing paint. Because it seemed like all the stealth shit is black. The TV show clearly said it was because it was cool. Because it was cool. Yeah, it's literally the decision that went into it. I don't know. In World War II, they painted those shark mouths on those planes because that looked cool and was scary.

They were right. That clearly had something to do with it i i think i'd like the like sexy women on my plane you think you know what i would do if i was a dog fighter in world war ii i would i would not like if i were the squadron commander you know how they would like paint like a skull and crossbones on your plane to like everybody would know like wow that guy's an ace like he shot someone down up in the air everyone in my battalion doesn't matter you know private stevens first day paint 10 of those on the side a little upset when the veterans come back and see shut up and do it those japs are gonna

be way more afraid and they're gonna take a dive early when they see you coming. I'd be a great air commander. You're born for this, Taylor. I'm born for this. Well, tweet at Donald Trump and there's a chance, right? He reads it. He reads it. That's the thing about this president.

There is... If you ever have any grievance or anything that you think should be done a certain way and you're like, reads it that's the thing about about this president there is i mean there's like if you ever have any like grievance or anything that you think should be done a certain way you're like oh if only someone in power would hear what i've got to say just fucking tweet it to do like like he might and you see what he does with look what he hears on cnn like he writes policy around what he sees on cnn you know like he'll see somebody burning a flag and all of a sudden oh well that's gonna be against the law let me make a note right here like it's a whole new thing man because like you if you want to believe the narrative that he's super thin skinned his head's not on straight

and all that stuff then there's evidence to support it if you want to believe like hey this is just a different kind of guy he makes quicker decisions his ears to the ground he's not in a bubble there's evidence to support that too. It's exciting. I don't know if it's good yet. It's too early to tell, but it's definitely exciting. That much I figured out. Yeah, we're on the same page with that. It's so exciting to watch CNN. And that's saying something because they've got a shitty news network over there.

It's been really entertaining to watch. I don't have Fox News. I've just got CNN. And man, it's so entertaining. From the headlines to seeing Wolf Blitzer just have to juggle the crazy shit that happened that

day. They still don't know quite how to phrase that the president is lying about this voter fraud thing. They're like his unsubstantiated, now they've evolved to this phrase, the president's unsubstantiated claims

of voter fraud. But initially they were like, they didn't know what to say because lie is the correct word. And like most of the talking head, like commentators who don't have a job there at CNN who are like, you know,

general what's his fuck, who comes on to talk and give his expert opinion. They were like, yeah, well the president's clearly lying here. You know, you know, general what's his fuck, who comes on to talk and give his expert opinion. They were like, yeah, well, the president's clearly lying here. You know, you look at the Pew report. They just don't say that. We looked at it up and down. Yeah, they just say it, though. They've been calling him a liar.

On the crowd size thing, I haven't heard them say Trump is a liar. I have heard them say, this is the New York Times, so it's kind of a big one, that he repeated a lie. You know, like, this is the New York Times, so it's kind of a big one, that he repeated a lie. You know, like, I don't know. It's a little twist on being a liar. Have you watched any of the correct New York Times? The failing New York Times.

Failing New York Times. I like the New York Times. So does Trump. Apparently he reads it cover to cover every morning. Does he? Yeah. That dude needs to get a little more sleep. Four hours, that's all little more sleep. Four hours.

That's all that man needs. That's a superpower. I wish I only needed four hours of sleep. That's a true thing. If you look it up, there really is a tiny group of people out there who only need four hours of sleep a day to get the same amount of function. I wonder if he's one of them. I don't know if he's one of them or not. He's tweeting at 3 a.m. But he might be sleeping from noon till four every day

he doesn't have to be an eight hour like full sleep maybe donald trump is a five and a half six hours of sleep a night guy and that extra two hours could be spent not tweeting and the whole world's like a little happier about it because like at least half of his tweets like there was no way that he sent them as like all right this is going to be helpful people are going to see exactly what i'm talking about like like he knows sending them out like this is going to upset a lot of people like people are going to be pissy like this is going to just exacerbate something he does a lot of petty stuff in his tweets. I mentioned in the Lost recording that he's like, congratulations, Fox News, you got the most viewers.

And then CNN replied, actually we tied them in viewers and we had the online presence. I don't know. He wrote in his thing. It wasn't just congratulations, Fox News, you got the most viewers. It was like that, unlike the failing CNN or whatever it is. To be fair, I don't trust any network that is sending you their own metrics. It was the Nielsen ratings.

But was the program specific? Because everything I keep seeing, they're breaking down the ratings for the inauguration between each program. Because, you know, CNN will be on, but then they'll have Wolf Blitzer and Evening Report, and the inauguration was like a 12-hour event. program because you know like cnn will be on but then they'll have like wolf blitzer and like evening report and like the inauguration was like a 20 a 12-hour event and it's and so it went through like multiple programs and i saw individual um ratings for each individual program so i i bookmarked my source if you scroll down a little bit to where cnn replies congratulations to fox

news for being number one in inauguration ratings. They're many times higher than fake news CNN public is smart. According to Nielsen cumulative numbers, 34 million watched CNN, 34 million watched Fox. They're an additional 16.9 million on CNN's digital platform. Those are facts.

I saw today that 50 something million watched on Fox. Those are literally alternative facts that's that's all i get that's the only thing i know to say is that like you know what i mean like like i believe i'm reading this and i believe it but but like i saw today that it was 50 million on fox yeah i don't know what to say this is yeah yeah who fucking knows at this point but it But it just seems the only thing that gives me pause is that traditionally it's sort of known that Fox News crushes CNN in the ratings. Yes. They're like Coke and CNN is Pepsi. I was starting to say this.

Yeah, they're in the conversation, but. I feel like non-newshounds tune into CNN when something happens. So the inauguration is clearly a something that happened. Whereas Fox News viewers I feel like are news hounds who watch it on the daily. I don't know. That's just a thing I've got in my head.

Because I do that sometimes. If I were to wake up tomorrow and we were bombing North Korea, I feel like I'd turn on CNN. And I think a lot of people do. They'd have cooler graphics at Fox. They'd have a KD countdown on the bottom.

They'd have your UAV up at the top. Like, you'd be able to follow the action. I'll see. Kill Street. Oh, here's the AC-130. Oh! There's those fucking meatballs rolling along the ground. Oh, but fuck that.

Let's not go to the future warfare. Donald Trump's like authorizing new things. You show me 11 kills on the ground, I will authorize you to the AC-130 for today only. Today only, folks. If they give Trump access to those meatballs from advanced warfare, it's game over. He's going to use those in the north koreans

in a month or two you know the north koreans are saying that they that they have an icbm and they're planning their icbm launch in may which is radically advanced from what we were told like a few years ago about what it took to get a nuclear program going i think that all that's required now is the miniature race the miniaturization of the payload and then coupling that with an ICBM. So we'll see. In May, they're going to test their first ICBM. Historically, their missiles usually, like, sputter out. They fail a lot.

Yeah, not all of them. They fail a lot. Although, you know, you see SpaceX. They had plenty of, like, fuck-ups along the way, too. It seems like they're doing okay. I'm worryful that the North Koreans are going to do something and Trump is going to react much more harshly than his counterparts have in the past. I have no idea

what our enemies are actually like. I can tell you what we're told they're like. Every time we start to dislike someone, they become a madman. That's the exact word they use. Madman describes Saddam Hussein. Madman describes the North Korean guy Kim Jong Il

Kim Jong Un Kim Il Sung Vladimir Putin Vladimir Putin is a madman I think that's who I was going for Madman Just told they're madmen. And it's like,

wow, these political figures that win elections and work their way to the top and schmooze and, you know, keep all the key holders underneath them satisfied and perform a really, really complex task of being a dictator or elected official. They're just mad. They're just crazy people who,

you know, fly off the hook. You're just crazy people who, you know, fly off the hook. You know, if you want to do Madman, we might have one. Like, we might have a Madman. You got him back, Coe?

Ours might be madder. We might, ours could be madder. I don't know. They paint King Jong-un as a complete lunatic. I'll tell you that. Might give you a second gulp. I'll tell you that. It might give you a second goal.

Ours is more powerful. Yeah, I hope maybe he takes a page out of Putin's book and he annexes a big chunk of Mexico. Maybe he takes Cancun and he brings somebody in who can run it for us. Cancun near Texas? Is it toward the top?

No, near California. But we could connect it, right? Because we can't go take southern Mexico and have a gap in there. No, I can't take Mexico City. Right, yeah, good point. We take Cancun, and then we don't want to run it, right? And we certainly don't want the responsibility of like, now we've got to deal with the health care of all the residents of Cancun, Mexico?

I don't think so. That's a lot of STDs. So maybe you bring in some foreign entity and you give it to them, but we're kind of the boss who they pay up to. You know what I mean? Like you're in charge of Cancun now, Amsterdam. I've looked up Cancun. It is in the wrong place. Cancun is in the east near Cuba.

Ah. But is it possible to seize it? Well, I'm sure we could seize it. And pin it to our will. I really feel like we need to take... I know. We'll take Baja California.

That's perfect. We'll take it back. Yeah, we'll take Baja California. The part below San diego there's a gulf of california this really seems american to me like it should have been all along here i'll um i'll send you a map might be the thing to do like like like i feel like no we're planning an attack here check out baja mexico on the left there. That really seems like we could just carve out a little section and make it American. Oh, take that whole thing. Right?

Like they're separated by water. You know what? I always thought that we needed a Florida West. Hear me out. Hear me out. Do you see where the Gulf of California just goes towards the top? The wall, instead of going what I'm imagining is like 600 miles across Baja California, could just go down.

We don't need a wall. Take the entire peninsula. No, and then the wall goes to the Gulf of California. It goes vertically. I bet. I mean, just put the boats in the water and shoot anybody who tries to cross, right? We're good at that. I'm saying we need a wall

that goes across. Rather than go, you guys can't see my mouse this entire distance we could just go shortcut right there oh i see you just cut the gulf off like above sonora um yes like we're skinny yeah exactly we could go here and save 750 miles probably you guys too small. Scroll up a little bit on that map. I don't scroll up though. We don't have to stop in the southern border. Scroll up. How many days do you think we could hold Saskatchewan

before Canada would know? If they come in two weeks later as we had taken over Saskatchewan they'd be like, hey, how long have you guys been here? You're not allowed up here. This is Canada's. I think we're going to have it.

Well, you know, I got to say I disagree. I love Canada. Yeah, that would be great. I feel like I wish I could get in Trump's ear. I wish I could inhabit his son-in-law's body for like 30 seconds right now and be like, you know, dad, we could just take – I don't know if you're aware of the geography, but there's a peninsula down there that starts out us and then it becomes theirs. It's called the Baja California area down there. Sounds American.

Let's take it. It could be ours. All right. What the hell does Baja California area down there. Sounds American. Let's take it. It could be ours. Alright. What the hell does Baja mean? Baja fresh is good. Baja fresh. Sounds like what they mean. Yeah, like the Baja blast over at Taco Bell. Now that, that is when you

mix half Powerade with half Mountain Dew. That is a Baja blast. Baja is a noun meaning to drop or fall. So I guess Baja California just means like it's probably the drop, like the bottom part. So we'll just call it Bottom California or Southern California. Something like that. I don't think we

should give it to California. It should become its own new thing. A state. In the same way that we have North Dakota and South Dakota we'll have like North California and South California. Now, are we going to get all the Mexicans out? No, because they're now Americans. We definitely don't want to add it to the new state. This is a big mistake. This is a problem.

You don't want to keep the Mexicans. They're what makes that not worth anything. That is ruining that piece of property. Look at that. That should be the resort paradise of the world with that amazing gulf on one side with it all like protected, that whole inlet area there. That's an enormous shoreline there that should be developed.

I bet that's full of poor people down there. You need to get all of them. And as we always say, poor people, not real people. Ruin a good time just like that i say we make this like we we don't want to make it a new state because we've already established that the 51 star flag looks stupid it's not good what we need to do is i think arizona can have this we'll give this to Arizona right there. Yeah. It's a solid place for solid folks. What if we got Puerto Rico too and a 52 star flag might work out?

We haven't even seen the pattern. No more states. Your application is late. I'm sorry. No. We are full up. If we save up until we have the opportunity to add 50 more states all at once and then we do it. Baja California looks like it has a similar area as Florida.

It's only somewhat smaller. It's bigger than Cuba, I would say. It's huge. Yeah, Cuba's not that big. Yeah, we should take that shit. I'm all for that. Yeah, yeah. We should just take that.

That'll pay for your wall. Yeah, especially when you when you remember that the florida's got that panhandle part yeah you know and then you could shoot them you could either you could be like look you can have baja back once you pay for the wall right no i think baja is very valuable and we should keep it oh i think maybe we say you know how back we you know how you cut off a finger From a hostage Just to like let him know you're serious

We could seize Baja And say pay for the wall Or we'll take more Yeah you cut his pinky off He'll tell you if he wears ladies underwear What's that from I know that I've heard that Reservoir Dogs Harvey Keitel says it to Tim Roth when they're in the car. Very good

movie. Well, shucks. I think we've really got a workable plan here. Alright. Well, let's all tweet at Trump. Annex Baja, California. Let's include with it a little imager link with a red circle around it. Because he might not know.

I didn't. So I knew about the Gulf of California because there was some kind of sailing thing that happened there, like some kind of competition. But I wasn't quite solid on this geography. Now that I'm looking at it hard, I realize where the boundaries are and where our border is. We don't own any of this cool fucking peninsula that's dangling off the bottom of California. You guys go ahead and tweet him all you will about this pie-in-the-sky Baja dream. Me and my compatriots, we're going to be talking to him about seizing the fertile land of Saskatchewan, which is almost as large as all of Mexico.

I bet they've got a bunch of tar sands up there. I mean, look at Saskatchewan there. I bet, you know, they made it from the Dakotas to Saskatoon before we even knew they were here. Does Saskatchewan have a single hockey team? I don't think they do. I was trying to figure out your motivation, but I'm looking. No, no.

There's no Winnipeg. There's no Toronto. If I invaded British Columbia or Ontario or Quebec, they would know because at some point I'd have to pass one of the stadiums with my army. But here, nobody. Lots of great hockey players born in Saskatoon and Regina. Who knows? What would you say the value of a Mexican person's life is?

In American dollars? Yeah. I don't know. Oh, there was something I saw on this kind of recent not that recently at all actually but it was like breaking down the actual price of a human body they didn't do it by race but they showed like if you were to sell everything like the human body like you could get like 200 grand 250 grand or so and a lot of it was just like slot bullshit where they're like nobody's taking your your uh your skin and like maybe we'll get a couple of things but yeah a lamp but that's

that's barely worth anything but that was neat uh but to your question i don't know what what would you say i don't know you know what i'm lost on the question where are we are we just trying to decide the value of a Mexican life? Yeah, not necessarily in dollars and cents, but in comparison with an American life. Are we talking about a three-fifths compromise kind of thing? Well, I think... There's some precedent here.

Yeah, well, I'm thinking that maybe it's hard to relocate the eight or nine million Mexicans that probably live in the fucking Gulf of California. So maybe we have to enslave them and they'll want voting rights. So yeah, some sort of three-fifths compromise. Where's Paul on this? Paul, are you good with us taking over a portion of Mexico?

I mean, the British did it to my country 100 years ago, so... You guys are doing fine, right? You guys can go ahead. Yeah, well, the occasion was long. You guys don't even need government anymore. You got two belts? Yeah, Connor has two belts. We do, we do indeed.

I mean, I think it could work out eventually. Alright, there we go. We have his endorsement. We've got the coalition. Coalition. I think Tony would improve. I wonder how many states, like if trump get on the phone

right now and he started like pitching this idea to all of his major allies like he's talking he calls the uk he calls australia um you know all the european allies and canada he's like he's like no no i'm serious we're going in we need you with us you hit him from the south if i found out you call and talk to justin trudeau before we invent with us. You hit him from the south. You hit him from the south. If I find out you call and talk to Justin Trudeau before we invade, I swear to God it's over for you. I should know who's Justin Trudeau.

The name rings a bell. Oh, okay. My bad. Sorry, Canadians. He got caught up in some sort of cash for access tomfoolery himself. Trump immediately did that. This was different, though.

This wasn't like American citizens who paid in and now we're going to hang out with Eric Trump. This was like global billionaires, like a real dirty, murky-looking thing. That's how our Secretary of Education is getting her job. If she wasn't a billionaire, she wouldn't be getting that gig. She was one of the top fundraisers for Trump. Perhaps. She is outspoken on the topic i think it's somebody that he knows that he likes and is also passionate about like that that that

job unlike ben carson who is someone who he likes and is close but he's passionate and has nothing to do with hud other than the fact that he grew up in a hud house he's a boy from the hud yeah he's that's his second book that's his second book boy boys from the hood. Yeah, he's a boy from the hood. That's his second book. That's his second book, Boys from the Hood. That's his first album. That or Starred from the Bottom, now we're here. I'm not sure. Nothing is going to be quieter than a Ben Carson press conference

because nobody can be – like if you scream and you yell for Trump for his attention, you know he's going to be boisterous and loud. One journalist will be like, Mr. Carson. The rest would be like, shut up. I can't hear him already. Why are black doctors speaking? Sleepy black doctor was one of my favorite things from the campaign. I hope we get

to see more public stuff out of him. I hope he doesn't shit the bed with that department. I guess HUD doesn't affect me in any way, but it affects a lot of Americans who count on it. So if he mishandles it or somehow all of a sudden everybody's heat gets shut off during the winter or something, I don't know what his responsibilities are

or what pitfalls he could create. But man, that's a little worrisome. The EPA is a little more scary. The EPA is his biggest thing that I'm like, oh man, he really doesn't give a fuck about that part. He wants that 4% growth bad. Even though I've been blue and Taylor and Kyle have been red for whatever the last year,

I feel like we actually all want mostly the same things. We're all kind of pro-choice, pro-capital punishment, I think. Pro-legalization on weed. I'm not pro-capital punishment. Oh, well look at that. We're all reversed on our positions. Because I'm down with capital punishment. I just think it needs to be more efficient. Oh, and spread. I'm also down with like violent rape. We need to just kill murderers. There are other things we can kill too. I'm in. Corrective rape. Yes. that all we need to just kill murderers there are other things we can kill too i'm i'm in corrective yes uh what was i gonna say but oh i don't know like our positions even though

we support different parties and people we're pretty close on what we're looking for it seems like a lot of it comes down to like in everybody's heart like i think everybody wants what's best like i don't think anybody is spitefully wrong. Like, I know exactly what I'm saying is completely BS, and I'm doing it anyway. Like, I think everybody wants everybody to be happy and healthy and have access to what they need. And it seems like at its very core, like, people who are on the left think that the government is a great tool to get those things done. And people on the right tend to not trust the government to get those things done and so more of it is just like how do we get obviously there's the social like oh gays and whatever issues that you you like people with religion have but just talking from that basic

standpoint it seems like people on the right just don't trust the government they don't think it's the best way to handle problems and people on the left tend to trust the government more and they think it is a good way to solve those problems. And now you've got Donald Trump right in the middle of all that, a big government Republican president. Trump isn't talking about small government. He's not talking about... 75% fewer regulations for the... I forget. Are they all environmental regulations? I don't know.

I would say so. It seems sure he's drawing back the parts of government that curtail business for sure. But he's perfectly happy to do these huge infrastructure spending, this wall, for example, expanding our military, being more hawkish in that regard. He's happy to spend lots of money to get things done. He said something. He's not a small government.

On the campaign trail that burned into my head, he was ripping on Obama, which is what you do when you're running for president. But it was like, it's the worst of all scenarios. We built, we spent all this money and we don't have the infrastructure. It's a double loss. And I'm like, alright. I don't know what's true or not,

but obviously it's not what he wants. What bugs me a little bit though is how much he wants to cut taxes. If you're down for all this big government spending Then you shouldn't be all about Cutting taxes Otherwise you're just irresponsible Or if you're more in line with what I think

I'm all for the cutting taxes But that means You can't be like we're going to cut taxes And spend a huge amount of money If you're going to cut taxes You have to cut back on government programs. Maybe not sign a trillion dollar infrastructure

bill. That's not very like that. You know what I mean? That's a stimulus though in its own regard. I think that I don't know enough about national economics or global economics to understand this stuff, but I think that maybe the Trump model involves this infrastructure spending,

not just being like money that goes to a road and a bridge and now we can get to work easier. I think that that trillion dollars is supposed to deliver a return. It's supposed to make us more efficient as a country. It's supposed to make our workforce more efficient, our everything better. You know, the GDP goes up

because roads and bridges are better, because there's not a pothole to make you have an accident this morning, so you get to the DMV and you do your job. You know what I mean? I think a better infrastructure makes a stronger country for many reasons. Look at the interstate highway system, when Eisenhower was coming up with that thing. The whole idea of the median is so we can get these fucking tanks down to Florida

when the Ruskies come, you know what I mean? So we can move our big fucking military presence around this huge landmass that we possess. I agree. And so things like that make us stronger. With everything you said, sometimes it happens when we do an Olympics too. Like I'm not an expert, but I'm told that in Salt Lake City, like we upgraded highways and hotels and stuff. And now as a lasting effect, it's become a more robust vacation area than it was previous to the Olympics being there. Whether you're getting a good return on that investment, dollars to donuts, is another question, though.

Because traditionally, that Olympic spending seems to be, in the end, like you spent $3 billion. But America does a little better. We do do much better. If you look at Brazil, it's a nightmare. Brazil, China, exactly. All those places afterwards, it's ruined. If you go to Lake Placid brazil it's a nightmare brazil china exactly all those places afterwards it's ruined if you go to lake placid today it's cool you know if you go to atlanta today yeah i think salt lake is kind of like the gold standard of a city that took that opportunity

and completely maximized it like made it like okay this isn't going to be something in sochi russia where three days after the hockey game finishes they're like well tear it for scrap nobody's gonna ever come here again like it's or just leave it up up in some creepy monolith which they probably did until they need more weapons or whatever they're doing over there yeah every so often it's cool like to see like the abandoned places and i don't know i wonder what our bobsled runs are like because they're never used again. There's not like a big bobsledding community. But you see those YouTube videos and those Reddit GIFs of people who take them over and get on their bicycle and fucking ride those crazy things.

And it's made of like hardwood sometimes or fiberglass. And you know if he takes a tumble, he's going to get it. Oh, well, then maybe some of them are. But it looks so goddamn dangerous when they're doing it. They're going so fast. But it's cool. It looks fun, though. I would like to be in a thing.

I want to be in that thing from The Running Man that they shoved Arnold Schwarzenegger in and then sent him down that tube. It's like an enclosed human pill that you get in. Do you remember they have tracks that go down ski slopes where you can ride in a little cart? We watched one on the show once where a guy rear-ended a girl and knocked her out. I linked you to that the other day, Taylor. Remember when you said...

No, no, no. It's a fun thing. I linked it to you the other day, Taylor, and you said, oh, I bet it's like ziplining. I bet it'd be lame. And I was thinking, like, eh, you go pretty fast. Yeah. Apparently... I just judge, like, you go pretty fast. Yeah. Apparently... I just judge, like, anytime I get linked to an outdoor activity and there's a smiling child around the age of six

in it, I'm like, this couldn't conceivably be exhilarating if that kid isn't horrified. You have a break. So the video I'm talking about, if you guys haven't seen it, there's a girl, she's hitting the brake all the time, and she's going slow. So the guy behind is like screaming and mad and he eventually rear ends her and he didn't know he was going to knock her out but he did and like her lifeless body is like going down the track

after he knocked her out and uh not hitting the brake now are you cunt i didn't know anything about it but i read the reddit comments on it and it, and they said that girl was being a cunt. Now, she didn't deserve to be knocked out, but she's going so slow, she's ruining the ride for the people around her just by leaning on the brake. And just so you know, what the guy did was he stopped and let her get way ahead, and then he was like, and away we go. And she's doing the stop-start thing. And she has her head in front of the seat.

So when she gets hit, it does this like whiplash thing. Because I don't know if you've ever been rear-ended in a car. But the physics are that you are driven into your seat very hard because you're being pushed from behind. So your body is pushed backwards into your seat. I've seen cars that have been in wrecks and maybe there was a fat guy in the seat. backwards into your seat. I've seen cars that have been in wrecks and maybe there was a fat guy in the seat and it bends the seat all the way back just from that force

of the seat, of the body being pushed into the seat so hard from that rear end collision. In any case, he hit her so goddamn hard and her neck fucking snaps back and she's out. It was great. I felt like that was... Did he get sued or anything for that? He uploaded the video.

He uploaded the video yeah he uploaded the video i guess didn't he yeah he must he must have got away with it didn't say exhibit a at the bottom i think he's in the clear yeah he i was it was on live like i'll be back in three to five yeah those things look kind of fun kyle do you want to do an ad yeah we're one and a half let's tell everyone a little bit about Dollar Shave Club. That always tickles my fancy. Because with Dollar Shave Club, it's no secret we love their razors. We always get a close, smooth shave, and you can't beat the convenience or the price.

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Mmm, pharaoh. Paul, how the fuck are you? What time is it there right now? Dude, it's 4.45 a.m., but I think I'm starting to hit like a second wind at this point. My sleeping pattern is awful lately, so, you know, it kind of feeds into it. It probably has been for a decade because you're a YouTuber.

Yeah, as you said. I mean, when I was in college, I used to be getting up at like 6 a.m., 7 a youtuber yeah as you said i mean when i was in college i used to be getting up at like 6 a.m 7 a.m every day um and then we would go to the gym and go to class but since i graduated it's been wake up at 11 or noon and go to bed at like 4 or 5 a.m so all right i'm not sure if that's good or bad. I mean, there's people that work night shifts for their entire life, and they're still alive, right? Yeah, they don't live as long, but yeah, I hear you. I'm young.

Yeah, you're going to be fine. I'll say that much. You know, you could just turn the clock back a little bit. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter which part of the clock you take up, does it? Did the second shift people really die earlier, Woody? Is that a thing? I think it is a thing. That's a's a shame huh i wonder what that's about do you think it's because second shift

jobs tend to be more dangerous or are physically demanding because usually you're working at some like factory or something pressing out breaks at three in the morning and you're sleepy and your hand gets in the machine it's a good or is it because mine is actually because they're just not on the like human sleep schedule the human night really what is the opposite of nocturnal called diurnal well thank you i didn't know that uh so i think it's just because they're not like on a diurnal schedule and they're supposed to be interesting well maybe so could be combination but i like the i like my idea because I feel like I've known people who work those jobs, and it's never a fun like – like daytime jobs or so many of them anyway

include like sitting behind desks and just being a greeter or like a hostess of some kind or like the guy at the door, right, who just sits there and does nothing. But so many of those thirds or like late night, second shift kind of jobs, if you're working at 3 in the morning include like operating a hydraulic press and you know it's two in the morning and you're a little drowsy and you just get sucked on in i am i debated with my daughter recently about the um wage gap between men and women and she is of the mindset as people might guess that women get paid less for the same job.

She doesn't line up with that $0.70 on the dollar thing, the most extreme numbers. Because I think to get there, you have to ignore what job they chose and education they have and years on the job. Reason. Yeah. You have to ignore all the context yeah yeah because to get to for people to know women earn about 70 of what men earn but you know like the highest paying major right now is petroleum engineering and it's 96 guys you know so women if you want to make the same money major in petroleum engineering fly out to kuwait and fucking drill in the sand like or or whatever um it's a hard

job but there's lots of other jobs that women aren't there's a reason that like 98 percent of workplace deaths that number's sort of from my ass but it's close to true workplace deaths are dudes it's because we do the jobs you die in you know that's that's the deal and a lot of the jobs you die in you get paid more because there's a chance you die and they're hard labor you know that's that's the deal and a lot of the jobs you die and you get paid more because there's a chance you die and they're hard labor you know that they kind of suck like a coal miner right that you have to lift heavy shit and risk your life and deal with lots of unpleasant long black lung yeah and and so there's very few women coal miners and that's why men earn more that's good paying job well pipeline weldersers. All those jobs.

There's a lot of jobs with welding because my cousin's a welder. I've been made aware of. And if you're willing to travel to a part of the world that's scary and do a welding job that requires you to weld in a scary way and you have a talent level that not many have, the pay is outrageous. What's welding a scary way? Underwater welding.

Okay. Or like up on top of like nuclear towers. He's had to like crawl into pipes that are really, really small and like shimmy down the pipe. That's the first one I didn't like. When they take you back out, you shimmy backwards. And like imagine being on your stomach in a pipe and like doing

like a leg curl so that your heels come up uh-huh you you do that and your heels go out the hole that they've cut in the pipe and they drag you by your heels back out of the pipe that's the only way to get back out because the pipe is so narrow shit like that like and of course there's welding jobs that are overseas in war zones like in the the green zone in Iraq for a long time. I remember us looking at it and being like, dude, you can go over there and weld the armor plating on those Humvees. You know, when they had that big thing about, oh, our Humvees aren't up-armored enough to deal with IEDs.

Well, they spent billions of dollars making that happen. It was like, shit, if you were a welder in 2005 and you went over, or that may be the right year. Whatever year it was. If you went over there and welded then, it was like $170 an hour by the time they stopped calculating and all your shit is paid for and all the

money that you make is tax-free. You just come back home with it all. It was amazing the amount of money you could make. Just going over there, and you're in the green zone in a base surrounded by another base, surrounded by another base.

You just put your head down and weld every day for six months and come back with two years worth of money. Yeah. I wish I knew how to weld in 2005. Right? Sometimes in life, you get an opportunity

to fast forward your income like all right i'm gonna earn six years of income this year and like if you handle that smartly and invest it you know like i think of like an rpg character right you can blow it all on stuff that that's not worth anything next year or you can put it in your character and like really build him up you know to like all right i'm gonna expand the amount of health i hit points i have and then that just benefits you for the rest of the game you know if you buy stuff that benefits you for the rest of the game like a house uh instead of a car or whatever i don't know um when you have but if you buy an enchanted helm from the magic huckster at winterhold college and you use it for a few weeks you're

going to soon realize my magic has outpaced this cloak and no one is rebuying it at even near the same price no matter what city i fly to and threaten exactly right and your speech level up there you go i should have used my resources on that initially instead of the clothes. Making all those iron daggers. Anyway, I hope that Scott gets one of those jobs, and what he does with the money, whatever that is, just, like, greases the skids of life forever. Like, I worked in – He's done a bunch of big stuff lately.

I don't want to talk about it too much on the show, but he bought a property with a farm on it that's working, and there's someone there to, there to operate it for him. So he spent, I don't know, over half a million dollars recently. Oh, well, I hope that works out great for him. Me too. Isn't this the person we're talking about? I'm sorry. My cousin.

His cousin. That's real. I like land. I like where I live, but sometimes I wonder, like, huh, I'm really torn. Like, just yesterday I was like, this this place is amazing I'm so happy to have it it's great I get to have like the elbow room of a rural life

but I'm in the city so I have like police and gigabit internet and like nice things too but sometimes I'm like or I could have lived 15 miles from here and gotten like 100 acres or something like that.

You know, that's a thing too. Yeah. I think you made the right choice. When I visited my buddy out there in Texas and did that explosives training, I was like, what kind of internet you got out here? He's like, man, come look at this. He's got like a satellite internet rig all jerry-rigged up. It's so lame.

And he's like asking me for tech support and he's on a mac like desktop and i'm just like dude like you got the wrong one here like like like you're starting with a mac like i i got not since high school in the imac like like that have i even like went through the menus of this thing like you're fucked yeah no chance yeah so like in a safari the answer it's nice to have amphishark it's neat to be just i don't know like a couple miles away from your bank or your you know whatever like when we take colin to parkour class parkour class is like two and a half miles from my house if i live 15 miles into the woods then yeah there ain't no parkour near my house go run around in woods exactly jump on a stump oh i was talking to jackie about it recently i'm just going on and on about

this and um so her mother's here right now um her mother has cancer and needs lots of medical care and um i was like what if we lived in asheville and she's like, no. We're using city resources right now. There's two teaching universities for medical schools in my area, UNC and Duke. And we're taking advantage of the resources of being in a populated place. So anyway. I was going to ask that. That's kind of an interesting thing. What's near you that you value the most?

I guess your internet is pretty amazing, right? That you have access to that. But things that you drive to, I guess. like services that are sort of unique or local to you i'm a big it's not even close but i i'm so happy to have that massive imax theater 40 minutes from me with a 70 millimeter projector that are kind of rare in the country so whenever uh you know dunkirk comes out inevitably in 70 millimeter like I'll drive 40 minutes to be able to watch it but like things that are close to me I guess part of like what I like about where I am is that there aren't many things close to me but you know McDonald's is nine minutes away

and the gas station is two minutes away and that's about it you know as far as local things that are convenient to me so I guess the close things that we like lately are services medical services and services for colin um like having them nearby is cool and since we moved like commutes for stuff has gotten a lot shorter um and then i also like my movie theater it's not the it's it's like, what is it? It's not IMAX. Maybe IMAX has a different quality. RPX.

It is RPX, actually. So we have RPX, which I think is not the best-est, but it's good. But what's neat is it has electronic reclining chairs and a table that goes over your belly, like a hospital bed or something. So that's neat. I go there, like i saw these two girls come they brought a blanket and like really had like a living room experience where they watched a big movie and i think that's pretty cool um yeah i um we went uh in denver and watched

uh star wars and uh i'm gonna go back and to that theater like that i don't know what movie we'll watch next time but like i going to do what I always do and sneak in lots of outside food. What I like to do is go to Moe's or one of those places that makes the big giant burritos. Yeah, I get a whole grilled chicken burrito and chips and salsa and fucking put that in my girlfriend's purse.

So everybody else has got their popcorn or their $8 bag of Skittles, and I'm quopping out this two-pound $8 burrito, unrolling it. That's the neatest. Joe Lozon sneaks in five guys to the movie theater. What is his way of sneaking it in? A backpack, I think. Hey, you can't bring that in.

He goes, oh, you want to stop me, bud? Go ahead. To save time, let's do three at once. You, you, and you. And he goes, oh, you want to stop me, bud? And I go, not really. Go ahead. To save time, let's do three at once. You, you, and you. First wave. Yeah, I like having food when I watch movies and stuff. It's part of the experience to have a soda and usually a meal. I like to eat dinner while I watch a movie or something like that.

I like combining multiple things that I like together. I like to be quiet. Before the movie starts, I unseal everything. Like sometimes there's a bag or a bag inside the box or whatever. I break out the Leatherman. I slice open everything so that I can quietly remove the food all movie long. I see. A movie ninja.

That's considerate. Yeah, it's considerate, but it's also like it's partly for you, but it's partly for me so that I don't have to worry about what you think about me. You know, like I know that I'm under the radar. I judge people so harshly by their conduct in movie theaters that I'm always so careful to not exhibit that. That like I will sit there sometimes and be like, I have to pee so bad, but it's right in the middle of an action scene. And if that asshole in front of me stood up right now and I didn't have to pee i would think what a douche and so i'm gonna hold it out and wait till it's some boring scene where you know he's talking to a girl about romance or something like

i i hate that i and everybody gets annoyed by it bags even popcorn popcorn's not a great food like you can hear people munching that if they don't keep their mouth closed. I'll tell you what, like, this fucking bugs me so much. And, like, if somebody does it, you can't even, if somebody's got bad breath or something in their teeth or whatever,

I feel like you can tell them, especially if it's a friend, I don't mind, or just offer them some gum or whatever. But some people have eating and drinking noises that their throat and or mouth make. And it is so goddamn... No, no. I'm talking about throat. You can hear them swallow.

They'll be over there munching. And then they'll get the water and it's like... You can hear the liquid being compressed and moved around by their throat. You know what I mean? Because they're not taking their time. They're just...

You make me want to do that into the mic. Have you ever seen a heron in a Discovery Channel show where they pluck that big fish out of the river, then they flip it up and they go... They bust it down and you can see the food

going into their throat. That's what I'm describing. That kind of eating habit. I don't know how people don't realize they're doing it. Some people make a lot of noise when they chew and swallow, and some people make a lot of noise

when they breathe. I don't know. I cue in on that stuff in quiet situations when we're all sitting watching a movie, and it eats at me, and I get really

internally frustrated and then I just have to like, I can't do anything about it. Can't do anything about it. If you're fucking swallowing, you know, your water over there is driving me insane. What do I say? Um, excuse me, but the way you drink liquids really offends me. If you could stop, stop right now, that'd be great.

Like it's not like a party. The guy that's sitting next to you, like, hey, you're breathing really loud. Could you undo the last three decades of bad decision making roll back the clock on those life decisions you've made over the last couple decades i don't sit next to people in movies i won't do that um i i almost exclusively go to theaters where you you know you reserve your seats on your phone, and there's a seating assignment. Yeah, and I would not like to sit next to a stranger,

and I don't remember the last time I did. I don't like it either, but it's sometimes unavoidable. It's like you either get a crappy seat up in the corner, or you sit with the other people. either get a crappy seat up in the corner or you sit with the other people i that might be more true with mine with the big recliners i see mine it's not that mine's small it's that every chair is like five feet wide like oh it's nicer there anyway i wouldn't mind so much uh in your in the theaters with the recliners and the tables and such right five feet's an exaggeration might be four feet wide though it's wide it's pretty fucking wide it's nice to have to be able to put your feet up and

everything i really like that a lot what movies are out now i i i'm about to go on this there's one coming out um i don't know about out but i'm looking forward to the new keanu reeves movie john wick john wick too yeah um passengers is out i liked it the rest of the world didn't but i thought it was good uh rogue one you saw that already saw that um it's not a hot time for movies christmas is and the summer is well i'm uh what am i uh it's a ninemm Kimber 1911. How do you like a 9mm 1911? It's okay. I'm not a huge fan of the 9mm to begin with.

It's lighter. I don't know. It's not as easily suppressible. It's a supersonic bullet. I kind of like the idea of that fat slow subsonic bullet i've got a good feel for like what it's doing and trajectory wise um and it's kind of you know it's kind of supposed to be a 45 acp if it's a 1911 um that's that's my thing i like i like this a lot i is my answer you know i love it's it's like a 1300 pistol or something like that slide slid nicely the slide

slid nicely like i slide slid nicely. I just saw you rack it. I really wanted to get in there for a sec. Yeah, I'm just sitting here like, oh, that... It's weird to me just seeing you hold a gun like that. I'm always amazed when I go to the States and just see guns in stores. Like, it's just so alien to me, you know? Yeah.

I mean, I can see a couple guns right now. The only time I see guns is when i see police officers have them so uh ah do cops in ireland have guns or are they uh like because i know cops in like england have batons right so so cops in northern ireland are uh some of the best trained police in Europe because they have to contend with riots. And the actual cop cars here are Jeeps with bullet protective windows. And I'll show you a photo of one. Actually, I'll send you one here.

This is like... That's not what I would expect from a cop car. That's one I've never seen. So this is what the police over here rule about in um they had to do this for years because people were throwing petrol bombs at them and stuff like that so that is a general cop car that you would see patrolling the streets um and it's protected by a cop car yeah it looks exactly like like what they make in that parking garage in Dawn of the Dead where they have to escape the mall

and run over all of the zombies. That's the level of protection these Irish cops need. I mean, yeah, they get petrol bombed and paint bombed and stuff like that. That's a normal cop car? Yeah, that's riot police, man. That's what they need them for.

So anytime there's riots in England, they call over the cops from here because they're trained for like 40 years. What? Do they hit with thermite? Probably like a nail bomb or a petrol bomb. Oh, just a nail bomb or a petrol bomb. No big deal.

It melted the hood, dude. They hit it with a plasma launcher. That looks rough. Yeah, but imagine what happened. Like, that looks rough. Yeah, but imagine what happened to the guy that threw that. Oh, they beat him mercilessly. They beat him mercilessly like a Palestinian child, like, crippled in the street, you know? They put a recurse to it again.

See, I feel like yours, like, the spring isn't as strong as strong like it goes nice um it's not as not yeah you gotta i would i would almost i must say certainly that you're you're stronger um this gun's a little rusty and uh so like that's probably part of it but i don't know like just a that's two fingers can you do it two fingers two fingers? I am quite a good man, John, but I know by the time I get back, we'll be done talking about it. I am a powerful man, so two of my fingers equal four of a regular man, so keep that in mind.

Yeah, I... It's like I don't treasure this gun. I don't think it's like... It's one of many that are exactly like it, but I fired a lot of rounds with it and i tend to be able to hit what i'm pointing at this is the gun if i was forced to be accurate i would pick this one i could um this one i'm fairly accurate with uh it shoots straight um and the uh the sights are uh which is fine uh it does everything i want but it's just

not a it's probably my it's it's a top 20% gun for me, I guess. It's pretty. It has all the things I like, right? It works. It's accurate. It's something I like, which is a 1911. It's not quite everyday because it's a 9mm 1911. It's a Kimber, which is an upper tier brand.

And it fucking shoots straight. It shoots straight. I can shoot a Coke can at 20 yards, no problem. I don't know. I have a Smith & Wesson 1911 and.45 ACP. It's from their pro shop. What do they call it? Do you know what Smith & Wesson...

Yeah, it's... MP? No, it's a 1911. I swear they have... It's a Smith & Wesson 1911? Am I wrong? I think it is, though. I don't know what you specifically got got but but yeah it could be um what did you say other sport they have like um like a a series like they're uh it's just pro series yeah you're

right it's pro series right so my 1911 is from their pro series. So I guess the gunsmiths give it an extra once over and make sure it's all wonderful. And it was kind of expensive-ish. I think it was like $1,500. And I don't dislike it, but I'm more accurate with this thing. And it seems to, like it's never not shot for me, but I just wanted to love it more. And for whatever reason, it didn just wanted to love it more and for whatever reason it didn't make me love it yeah i said it's you had a um is it cz who is the checklist yeah i had i had that cz uh spo1 shadow it's a uh target pistol quite expensive expensive. You brought it to that whitewater rafting trip.

Yeah. Man, just to touch it and rack the slot. You're like, this thing is perfect. Every tension on it was... I really like that gun. If you want something similar, it's the... Oh, it's called a Shadow, I think. There's a $300 pistol that is like 95% as good. You throw in some good sights and some good grips and you got it. It's's a 300 pistol that is like 95 as good like you throw in some

good sights and some good grips and you got it it's called a shadow i think a 300 pistol like that yeah i would have guessed it would threaten two grand is it eta shadow hmm i i'm i'm ruining the name this gun i can't recall i've got one. I'll go get it if I have to. When I first bought this gun, it didn't cycle every round. For the first 50 rounds or so, every so often one wouldn't work. But I bet I've got 4,000 rounds through this in a row. So now I feel really good about it. So that's a lot. Just as weird as what Paul was saying. Oh, it's a weird culture shock when you go there and

everybody has a gun or it seems like everybody could just go to walmart and buy one i think it's weird like i don't know just like if i lived in canada if i went to canada like i wouldn't be able to just be like i want to go shooting i'm just going to go buy a gun and go out somewhere and shoot some clays or something wherever the closest range is i don't know it is odd to just know that oh no you don't you want a gun sorry go talk to a gang member i guess because we don't sell those but it does make i don't know it's weird yeah that's the pistol i had says it's discontinued wow oh dear should have held on to that bad boy they offered to give me a good price on it they They weren't giving that one away.

I needed it for something that I was specifically doing. Oh, it was when we were trying to work with Pierce Brosnan on that movie, and he was being a little bitch because his daughter had died that week. And it was like, you knew that anniversary was coming up, dude. Don't try to act like that's why. Oh, I thought she would. Did you sell the story? Literally, like, you know, we were trying to meet on saturday daughter died on

thursday and he was being a real bitch about it i was like what the a little sympathy i was about to be like wow you're you're a fucking monster oh oh okay so mrs oh my daughter dies on wednesday so i can't do anything on friday funeral goes all day does it into the deep afternoon didn't think so can you meet me you know yeah they were he did that movie called the november man and uh they wanted us to do like an accompanying video and part of it was that cz pistol so cz sent me that gun and then there was we were looking into like he wanted to film it in oahu i think that's where he is in hawaii um might have the island wrong but we're gonna fly to hawaii i was like all right you know somebody else paying for hawaiian vacation and we get to shoot guns with 007 that'd be fucking cool

and it kept getting lamer and lamer like because of his restrictions it was like oh we're only gonna be at this place and these are the guns we have to work with and i was all right well how are we going to handle the legality of these guns in hawaii etc because they've got some rules and regulations and they're like, oh, I know, well, one of you needs to come over to Hawaii and, like, do all this paperwork, so I was like, all right, well, Richard Ryan will go for me, so I send Richard Ryan to, like, go to Hawaii to, like, and he goes to Hawaii, and he does this, like, training course or some paperwork or something, and he gets, like, licensed to do the thing there, so now I got, I got, I'm paying for that, and then, like, in the end, he's like, oh, well, Pierce isn't going to be able to do the thing there, so now I'm paying for that. And then in the end, he's like, oh, well, Pierce isn't going to be able to do this thing.

The anniversary of his daughter's death is coming up next week, and that just really falls right in the middle of all of our plans. And I was just like, God, did he forget what day it was? Like, we've been working over here. He just knows it starts to feel weird in the beginning of March, and then by the second week, it's snuck up on him again. So did you get paid when he pulled out? I don't think so.

Or did the whole thing fell apart? I don't think so, but there's been a few things. It should be like those UFC fights where if you make weight, you get your show money. There's been deals like that where they paid me half up front, and then for whatever reason, they realized that we weren't going to have to be able to go through with what we were doing. There's been deals like that where they pay me half up front, and then for whatever reason, they realize that we weren't going to have to be able to go through with what we're doing.

And I just got to keep all that money. I've got a lot of like, I've made tens of thousands of dollars that never came to fruition. And I've got guns and stuff that have been given to me, and it never came to fruition. That we never ended up needing to film. In one case, a guy that worked at a company sent me all these guns as a partial payment for an upcoming thing. Then he got fired from the company,

unrelated to sending me the guns. He was the marketing guy. It was his job to send me these guns. It was on the up and up, etc. But he got fired on an unrelated matter or went to another company. And the company was like, you know, all right, we're going a different direction. And I was like, well, what about all these guns?

They're like, well, those are your guns. I was like, all right, all right, well, I'll just keep all these guns then. The margins on guns are so high that like what might be worth $2,000 or $4,000 or $10, grand to you is worth one-tenth that to them. Maybe. Yeah, in some cases, yeah. I know one thing. It makes Christmas fun for my dad. Like, Dad, you want a 1911?

He's like, another one? No. My dad's got this neighbor who's like... He's a real one-upper. You can't tell a story around this guy. You can't have a shirt without this guy having a better shirt. You can't have a worn pair of wool socks without him having some fancier socks, even though none of that stuff's true.

And so my dad routinely lies to him. Every time my dad buys something, he tells this man that I bought it. So my dad will buy a piece of farm that i bought it so my dad buy like my dad will buy like a a piece of farm equipment a tractor a kibota a vehicle um anything anytime he spends any kind of money where like this guy will notice it like oh yeah kyle did that yeah kyle did that he's so jealous he's so jealous he boils under his under his collar every time he comes around and and like i always make a like, I'll give dad things when he's around just to, like, fuck with him. Just always giving dad guns.

I'll be like, Dad, you want some more guns? I got so many guns. He's like, yeah, I could use it. And I'll just give him, like, three rifles out of my car while that guy's there just to fuck with him. He's, ah, I can't stand that guy. That's fun. You should give that guy a really shitty gun that he probably already has. Oh, he tried that.

I don't need this one either. That's part of why it's funny to us is because he's always trying to be like, you know, I could use a pistol. You know, if you come across a pistol like this and that that does this sort of thing, I'd love to have one of those. And I'm like, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, I'm looking for one for you. I'm looking hard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm your huckleberry.

You can count on me. Dude, you know what that line actually is, though? He doesn't say, I'm your huckleberry. He says, I'll be your huck-bearer, which was Old West talk for pallbearer, which is the guy who holds the handles on the side of a coffin, you know, the pallbearer. So he's saying, I'll be the guy who carries your fucking casket, motherfucker. That's what he was saying. It's not, is it? I'm your huck bearer.

I'm your huck bearer. Okay, you can see it. Shit, the video is so long. Oh, here it is. Four seconds. I'm your huck bearer. Oh, here it is. Four seconds. And you gotta keep in mind, he's got that old-timey southern Georgia accent, so it's I'll be a hook barrel.

I see that he's smoking a cigarette, too, but let's just listen to it. I'm your huckleberry. I'm your huckleberry. Sounds'm your huckleberry. I'm your huckleberry. Sounds like there's an L in there. I'm your huckleberry. There's absolutely an L in there. I'm your huckleberry.

It sounds like I'm your huckleberry. The way he's saying it, it sounds like an L. Huckle-bearer is what I'm hearing. Huckleberry. I'm your Huckleberry. It's like the last five letters of that phrase mean nothing. Huckleberry.

V. I don't know. The more you know, knowledge is power. Sure. Sure. That's a good movie. If you've never seen Tombstone, you might want to add that one to your repertoire.

Do you remember Tim Kennedy? He was on the show. He's a UFC fighter, et cetera. 37 years old, just retired after getting beat up real bad. Yes. Some left-leaning journalist-type person, like a trash journalist, was calling out people to fight in the octagon. I forget what it was.

I should look it up. Yeah. And he's like, you guys are all pussies. You won't fight me in the octagon or whatever. And shit. I'm going to look it up because I want to get the quotes exactly right. It says the guy, do you want me to read it? I'm on this page.

Oh, have you found it? Can you link it? Oh, Pyro's got it. Okay, there you go, Pyro. Oh, does Pyro have it? Wow, he's fast. I love that. Yeah, there you go, Pyro. Does Pyro have it? Wow, he's fast. I love that. Yeah, so I guess it starts out,

amazing that low testosterone Ted Cruz enthusiasts are comfortable haranguing Ashy Feinberg, but not me, Deadspin's actual editor. Ted Cruz is a pathetic asshole. This is from Tim Marchman, not Tim Cameron. Right. They can see it on my screen. Okay, sorry. His social media intern's joke was basic from Tim Marchman, not Tim Kennedy. Right. They can see it on my screen. Okay. His social media intern's joke was basic and complaints should go to marchman at deadspin.com.

Unsurprising that not one Ted Cruz supporting cuck Twitter user is willing to face me in the octagon. So then Tim Kennedy replies. Oh, I can hardly fit it on my screen. But he says, I'm your huckleberry. I also take note that you're a pathetic cyber bully

my email is tim at ranger up i'm available at your leisure oh yeah and none of my skills ever come into play no one is ever like one of you conservative cucks think you can beat me in magic the gathering store on thursday night when you clearly have nothing else going on or whatever it would never come into play is great yeah that's funny though that is man that's i'm glad that that guy like i didn't go back and check the guy who was being antagonistic, but I bet that he does. I, I will wait here that he does not take up on it. Yes.

Yeah. I wouldn't think actually, actually, yeah. Tim Kennedy, you're just the guy you've been trolled by a master Ruseman. It's just what I wanted, you know,

like, no, he's going to be, well, I mean, I would have my fucking leg, you know, like there's a,

there's a very small group of people that can deal with Tim and the Octagon. The problem is they all work for the ufc yeah well stated well stated yeah there's probably less tends to be a thing in every professional sport yeah if he could find somewhere where that weren't the case maybe he's incredibly talented he's amazing shape he looks great but you know it's that that sport's moving rapidly let me tell him let me do an ad read here, tell everybody about Wink. Finding great wine is tough. That's why we've told you all about our sponsor, Club W,

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That's trywink.com slash P-K-A. Very cool. Check them out.com slash PKA. Very cool. Check them out. If you want more about wine. I remember when I signed up and you guys probably remember talking about this. They ask you like,

Hey, do you like your coffee sweet? Do you like fish? Or do you like steak? Do you like this? And they help you pick what kinds of wines might appeal to you. Pretty cool. Yeah.

It's not like, like, you know, the feeling of being out to dinner and then being like oh you want to order a bottle of wine you're like yeah i probably should and then you have no idea like they'll ask you what kind of wines do you like and i i'm so petty that when i've been asked that i think that they're trying to get me and like catch me because i know so little about it that they'll be like, oh, what kind do you enjoy? You would like to know, asshole.

Put me on the spot. I don't know, red? No, white. The red one. What does a chef recommend? No, you don't want to put yourself in that position with Wink. You won't have to. You don't ask a chef. You ask a Somalian. A Somalian. Not a Somalier.

No, no, no. A Somalian. Yes. They're the experts. This is a very good wine. It is literally all we had to drink. Just pirates with AK-47s. And their pantaloons. Eat the white. Drink the white wine. Fuck.

Jesus. Somalians are aggressive. Are you a wine guy at all, Paul? Or? No, I rarely drink actually. But when I do drink. You used to. College, yeah, man.

Everyone drinks at college though. But after like when I was in college, I was going out four or five nights a week. And I just, I don't know. I kind of got sick of it after a while, to be honest. But no, I'm a beer guy i'll go out every week or two of my friends and have a couple of pints and that'll do me um uk in general is a very beer orientated you know place um especially england they love like eels and stuff like that and a lot of bitter stuff but uh i've never really taken a uh taking to wane i drank a bottle at college once like i was really poor and had to get like a five dollar bottle and got really drunk off that but that's me in terms of alcohol but it wasn't it'll get you drunk memories so you never revisited

it gave me a really wicked bad hangover the next day, to be honest. And I don't normally get that from drinking beer. That's something that I anticipate. In college, 22, 21-year-old me just really didn't get hungover at all. As long as I ate and as long as I remembered to drink some water. I'd wake up and the worst would be like, a couple hours, I'll be fine. It seems like just in the last year, it's gotten worse to where if I get reasonably drunk, I'll wake up the next day and just be like,

oh, goddammit, I drank like a half gallon of water. I thought, fuck. I feel like shit. It just becomes less fun, I think. The hardest part about drinking for me is finding out somehow how not to be sick. Like, awful, terrible, sick, sick. sick so new topic um

fbi arrests volkswagen uh executive over diesel gate and i thought that was cool oh that was the issue with them falsely reporting their fuel economy with diesels or something so what they did is they they modified their ecu like the computer that runs the motor, to know when it was being tested. And it kind of like throttled back the amount of power it had and the amount of fumes it would put out. But in normal driving conditions, it would be much more powerful and much more bad for the economy. Much worse for the economy.

I meant to say, not economy, help me, environment. Much worse for the economy. I meant to say, not economy, help me, environment. So anyway, they purposely made a car that had power for the driver, but would never pass the environmental regulations. They came to the U.S. This is an executive from Volkswagen, and they literally got arrested. It was interesting to me because i took this psychology course in college where they kind of like people just expect different rules for different people right did you really

expect hillary to go to jail for deleting stuff after after she got subpoenaed no a little okay not me because no no she's in a class of people that doesn't face like they're above the law yeah they're above the law. That's true of lots of rich people. Hell, OJ Simpson got away with murder. You just kind of like, people in this different class, these rich and famous and powerful people, they don't have legal

repercussions. Here's a Volkswagen executive who came to the U.S. and the U.S. is like, in jail. I thought that was like, fuck. I didn't think that happened. Is he from the States? No. Wow. The story's

like a week old. I wonder where he is right now. Is he like a grand poobah kind of executive or do you think this was like, hey, get a guy in the mail room. You're promoted and you get a free trip to the US of A. Did we mention you're our CFO for the next 40 hours? Man, I can't believe you did all that stuff

to the computer systems. They're going to be mad about that, Larry. Say what you will about Larry as our CFO. A lot of good, a lot of bad, too. Trust him. And we trust him to do what's in the best interest of this company. Enjoy your time in the States, buddy. You're going to have to answer to the stockholders, Larry. What?

Here's another article. That's a really German-looking book, sir. Poor Larry. You certainly do, Larry. You certainly do. Way over his head. Oh, that's the guy? That is Larry. Look at this. Click this link, Taylor.

They got Larry out of the mailroom. Look at this poor guy. I've been in the executive with them for three days. Yeah, they denied his bail? This poor guy. I don't think he really just got promoted from the mailroom. No, of course not. I think he's fucked.

No, I'm sure this is a fully competent German man who fucked over millions of people. I don't know. I just thought that people at his level were above the law. And it's interesting. Not in Trump's America. Well, this was pre-Trump, January 9th. Trump's got him now.

And El Chapo. I wish Trump would do something weird with El Chapo just for fun. Send him back to Mexico. They don't want him, do they? And El Chapo. I wish Trump would do something weird with El Chapo just for fun. Send him back to Mexico. They don't want him, do they? No, they do want him, right? Do they? See, now this is where Woody's capital punishment extension comes in. Well, he's probably guilty of actual murder.

You don't have to extend anything. Yeah, for sure. Are we going to kill that guy? El Chapo? Absolutely. Because he keeps getting away. Can we use a trebuchet? Yes.

Oh. Send him back that way. What if you just attach it to his head? Right? So you have to, like, yank his skull and perhaps spinal cord out Mortal Kombat style. Quick way to go. That's a quick way to go right there. The problem with it is that the trebuchet is there for crowd appeasement.

So you launch a head into the sky. You've got a huge gory mess surrounding, get blood all over everybody there, and you can't really track the head as well. You need the whole body thrown so everybody can enjoy it. What if we put people in the front row, Gallagher style? You know, the comedian that used to smash watermelons? With, like, you know, plastic sheets and raincoats on them

so that when we yank the skull and spinal cord out of the body, they're protected from the gore. Or it's just like they're in stocks i'm trying to work with you here and then it's just like you know the 10 fbi most wanted and then you know the executioner with his gallagher hammer goes out there you know and he just explodes you know and meanwhile the other guys felt the reverberations and are kind of trying to look over and see but there's nothing but pink paste pink paste and mist all over the place they're horrified and now they're thinking maybe i shouldn't have killed children probably there you go yeah that's that's my america i'm gonna lead i don't remember if i talked about leading the air force in the pre-show the mix-up show or now but i i want to get into it because it wasn't that funny then all right how long have you been going here 222 oh what's that two hours 22 minutes oh in total five hours

yeah that's what i meant yeah oh yeah get comfy baby this is gonna be i i kind of like it when these happen because it changes the show a little bit. I know I can see you're hating it. I can see you're hating it. But for me, I was like, oh, are we doing a show after we do a show? I got shit to do. Let's get comfy. You can put your feet up. This is the after show show.

It's a different vibe. I don't mind. I felt terrible when I did the preview thing. Stop that. This one's not me. I did the preview thing. Stop that. This one's not me. I didn't do anything. No, this one's not on you. It's kind of him.

This one's on God. You know, I'm actually recording this for you, Woody, just in case it happens again. Oh, you're great. You're great. Are you really? I am, yeah. Have you been since the beginning?

Yeah. Before you got back, I was like, you you know just in case this doesn't go well i'm gonna start recording anyway and i was like oh you're the fucking best guest ever like keep like making sure that if if because if this failed again no we're done i gotta take a nap before we go again like like like you know that last hour feeling most shows where it's just so late in the day and you're so tired and you're kind of like like they even in normal times you just get kind of slap happy like you're not making full sense and you're kind of goofy like that's how i feel now at this point in the show where like i get like 10 words into saying something that in my

head i thought was gonna be like a rip-roarer and then i realized like oh this doesn't make any goddamn sense and then you just have to peter out. That's what I do except that instead of realizing it didn't make any sense, I realize I've said this before and now I'm just looking for an out. Right, I've told this story. Is there a way to just put a period on this sentence

and carry on? The thing that we do sometimes is we pass the buck of our we've told the story before and so we force someone else into a story they've already told before we're like if like i'm saying something that i know i've said i'll be like oh uh kyle what's the name of that gun behind you and then he has to pick it up and be like well for the for the seventh time this is the mark whatever and then wo to be like, oh yeah, that's a really nice Piccaninny rail. Kyle's like, you know, it is a nice Piccaninny rail.

Piccaninny rail? I don't know. Isn't that the thing that you put flashlights on? I think a Piccaninny is some sort of old-timey South racial slur. Is it a Piccatinny? It's a Piccatinny rail. No, Piccaninny. i say is it is an old

timey racial slur um i think it's something about uh oh it totally is it is i don't know i'll find it for you oh yeah it's all black child i remember a small black uh brace on a firearm someone told me like it was in the comments and it was a highly rated YouTube comment. You know how they used to stack by upvotes or something. I made some reference to cucumber sandwiches and apparently that's very

racist. I had no idea. It's not. Wait, are you giving an example or was cucumber sandwiches the thing that came to mind? It was literally the thing. I remember it because I'd never heard of a cucumbera sandwich i'd never had a cucumber sandwich but i saw it on an episode of dexter where like the older love interest detective for the sister he's sitting on a dock and he's eating cucumber sandwiches and for some reason like that popped into my head while i was telling a story and i mentioned cucumber sandwiches and everyone

everyone was like, Woody you are so racist. Don't you realize that black people eat cucumber sandwiches and you somehow assigned that to maybe I said a black person eats cucumber sandwiches. I don't know what I did exactly. I don't think black people eat cucumber sandwiches. I had no idea

the racial implications of cucumber sandwiches. I just seen it on a recent TV show. There is not. Black people don't eat cucumber sandwiches. They might have been fucking with show. There is not. They're fucking with you. They might have been fucking with me. It's completely possible. Black people do not eat cucumber. I've never heard of that before. It scares them. I've had cucumber sandwiches. Like cats.

Top definition on Urban Dictionary for cucumber sandwich is a man with a small penis named after the popular british tea sandwich so it's british apparently i the cucumber the only place i've ever really had me going banquet kind of thing where they have like a bunch of those like teeny sandwiches pick it up thinking that it's a regular sandwich and then you take a bite and it's like this is just this is a pre-food this isn't even a pickle yet. This is nonsense.

Just wafer, shitty, thin. Wait, what are we talking about? Cucumber sandwiches. The slices of cucumber aren't even thick enough to be crunchy. And so you're biting into sad, wet paper with no flavor. And, of course, delicious, complex white bread. I'm so fucking hungry right now. I don't want to hear about this cucumber sandwich.

Dude, I watched a YouTube video where a guy made a tomato sandwich. It was like on the front page of Reddit. He was real country and he talked about like, oh, good tomatoes come from the garden as opposed to the store. And he's right. And you just saw him cut some nice hearty like

three-eighths inch thick slices of tomato. And he salted it. He's like, salt's not good for you, but you gotta salt it. I'm like, fuck yeah, you do, don't you? Ouch! It looks so... I have been eating tomato sandwiches for the last

three years because of that guy's video. I really like him. You put mayo on there? Yes. You add pepper, too? Yes. Salt, pepper. My dad is a big fan of this. This is like poor country folk food, like back from when he was a child and all there was was tomatoes and bread. And to this day, he's like, oh, I love me a tomato sandwich. Not in the winter though.

In the winter, tomato sandwiches are really not appealing. The tomatoes don't taste the same. But in the summer, a good tomato sandwich – my wife will buy these like heritage something tomatoes i didn't i'm sure the way i do it is not the like the way to save money because tomatoes are fucking outrageous but uh i like a tomato sandwich and i bet i would like a cucumber sandwich my grandparents like their kind of country bumpkin thing they would eat is my grandpa loves fried bologna sandwiches yeah oh and they are they're not good they are good is not good on its own and when you fry it only be

it's better fried but that distance it crawls up in goodness not enough to make it to sandwich what do they eat like sausage gravy and biscuits like milk gravy oh have sausage gravy and biscuits. What? Do they eat sausage gravy and biscuits like milk gravy? Oh, yeah. Sausage gravy every morning. Oh, yeah. How fat are they? Not as fat as you think. Oh, because if I had sausage gravy on the daily, I would be 500 pounds.

I have mastered the sausage gravy. When they're just living as two old people. But when we go, my grandma will break out everything. It's like, do you need 10 pounds of bacon this morning? There's four people here. We absolutely do.

I bring home... What was it? I think I brought home from there last time, because she makes beef tenderloin for breakfast as well, which is great. Beef tenderloin for breakfast as well which is great and i think home yeah beef tenderloin bacon sausage uh sausage gravy with homemade biscuits um you like it's a i don't know how you could eat like that and be like time to start the day because like once that meal's over it's like i've decided this was pre-decided that i'm not doing anything i'm not gonna move like it's it's 9 I've decided – this was pre-decided that I'm not doing anything. I'm not going to move.

It's 9.40 in the morning and I need a nap. If you take one, that's a good start to the day right there. You wake up, have a good meal and a nap. Today's a – I can start the day. Lunch and a nap. Yeah, and then by the the time you wake up it's probably lunch time It's like 11.40 That gravy's still in there

Exactly and then only a couple hours with your thoughts Till dinner and then straight to bed Why the fuck not Go for a motorcycle ride in the afternoon And you've got yourself the makings of a winning day. I love that sausage gravy. It's the worst thing for you. You literally cook sausage

and then you take the grease and you add flour to it and you cook that and make a roux. And then you just literally add milk to that until it thickens. And that's it. But I use cream, so it's even worse for you. It's just awful. But it's really tasty. So I use cream, so it's even worse for you. It's just awful.

But it's really tasty. So good. I'm so hungry. I'm so hungry now. Yeah, I'm going to go to McDonald's after this. McDonald's now has three different kinds of Big Macs. They have the Little Mac. I saw this online.

All right, they got the Little Mac. It's just a single patty with special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions all on a sesame seed bun. Special sauce. Tomatoes. Tomatoes, onions. There's no tomatoes on there. To all beef patty, special sauce,

lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun. They do that, but it's one bun. It's just two buns, of course, to make a sandwich, as it were, but one patty. And then they got the regular old Big Mac, and now they have the Grand Mac, where they use the one-third meat patties that they use, or the quarter-pound meat patties that they use on the quarter-pounder.

You don't want that. You want the Little Mac. You want to get yourself a couple of those. I get like three little Macs. Good to go. It's much more manageable. There's not lettuce falling everywhere. And that grand Mac, see McDonald's uses two different grades of beef. They've got a completely different meat product that they use for their quarter pounders versus the little hamburgers and the big Macs. Uh, the bigger size of meat, you would think it's all from like the same meat slurry or wherever they get their meat. But no, it's not.

I think it's a lower grade of meat. It doesn't taste as good to me. I read on Reddit recently, so it must be true, that Arby's came up with a third pounder to compete with McDonald's quarter pounder, but they had to get rid of it because Americans didn't realize a third was more than a quarter. Yeah. They made the burger. Yeah, that's funny, though. of it because Americans didn't realize a third was more than a quarter. Yeah. They made the burger. Yeah, that's funny, though.

Yeah, they literally didn't. That's so embarrassing. Three is smaller than four. You know, they should just crank it up. Like, ah, I've got to get myself a 12-pounder. It's the biggest one. The fifth-pound burger. I guess you just come in a wheelbarrow with a one-twelfth-pounder.

Two-tenth- pound beef patties on a little bun. That's embarrassing, America. You should know your food fractions at least. I want to know, Paul, you've been over here and you've had fast food here, undoubtedly. I feel like people in other countries, they have the same fast food restaurants

as us, but until you come here, you don't see just the bananas, extras and options like i bet there's not a grand mac at the closest irish mcdonald's i always tell my friends uh who've never been to america america is very stereotypically american it's just bigger and more choice everywhere um i actually didn't go to any chain restaurants that we have back home i went to uh actually i did i went to five guys there's five guys in the uk there's like three or four branches and there's one literally like a 10 minute walk from my house so i got pretty lucky with that but it's it's ridiculously expensive like 12 13 dollars for a burger over here compared to the states i

guess five guys is pretty expensive anyway, right? Compared to normal burgers. Yeah, it's like for two burgers, two fries, two drinks, it's like $25. Yeah, I like Five Guys a little bit. Is that what you get or do you bring somebody with you? I bring somebody with me. God damn. I don't know. Sometimes you tell these legendary stories.

You're like, oh yeah, well I go to Taco Bell. I spend $25. Taco Bell's different25 Taco Bell's different it'd be like how Joe Lozon goes to like an Applebee's and orders two meals that's different that's on another level like you can go to Taco Bell get two tacos three burritos

four of that but I don't know when you go to Five Guys I just want the one hamburger one order of fries but yeah it's expensive I have never finished my meal from Taco Bell. Never. Oh, you fool. I finish it every time.

Not all the time. That's totally exaggerating. When I do go through, I'll be like, all right, that steak quesadilla looks pretty good. Oh, and they got nacho cheese chalupa. I'll get one of those. Oh, I'll get a spicy taco, too. It's not that much food and then so many times it turns into this where i like take a bite of the spicy taco or whatever and it's like oh that's all right and

then i get like to that critical like third bite where i know it's all downhill from there and i just go fuck this this is stupid and then i'll grab the chalupa and take like three bites of that and be like this is all bullshit downhill plastic and nonsense now and then just kind of like have two pieces of the steak quesadilla slathered in Diablo sauce to try and make it palatable and until you're eventually like this none of this was good and I'm unhappy with myself so what I've done

lately is I've taken to special ordering everything at Taco Bell because they make it fresh they love that they hate it but that's the problem like it's like look no you're going to go in there and make me a taco right fucking now because i don't want the one that has been in that wrapper so long that when i grab the taco and lift that the bottom of the taco has stuck to the paper and is now going to tear away and i'm just going to have two pieces

of hard taco shell pinching all the meat together and that's gonna fall out the bottom too it's like i just paid a dollar 80 for this bullshit like don't do me like that so like i so since now when i go like i went to the taco bell menu online to see what all the little sauces they have are called and so now i add like spicy creamy ranch sauce or baja sauce or guacamole extremo sauce to like random shit. And I make them special order every single item in my like $20 bag of food. And so when I get it, I immediately stuff it into one of those zipper hot bags and get it back home. By the time I unzip that motherfucker, it's a steamy, gooey mess. It is perfect.

It is perfect every time. I figured out how to get good taco bell you've got to have that bag if you're if you eat uh like fast food a lot if you go somewhere get your food and then bring it home you want one of these zipper bags that has like the thermal uh layering or whatever that keeps your food like hot and toasty it's the best thing ever it has revolutionized my fast fooding experiences i put everything in it when you go to Taco Bell and spend $40 on a meal, bring your space blanket to wrap it up. I swear to God, I do it every time now. No matter where I'm getting food from, if I go to Outback Steakhouse and get a Bloomin' Onion to take back home,

everything goes in that heat bag, and it's so much better for it. I put all my stuff on my passenger seat if it's hot, and I turn heated seats on i do that too yeah if i don't have the heat bag i swear to god i do that i'm like sitting there waiting on the food and i'm like boop it'll help a little it'll help a little let me turn the heat seats are awesome does anyone here have air-conditioned seats nope do you i don't know my truck is 14 is 14 years old. But I rented a car with air-conditioned seats last year when I took hope to that speech debate nationals thing. And they're awesome. I want air-conditioned seats in my next truck. Yeah, they're badass.

It's like you're sitting on a little air hockey table. Yeah, it's fabulous. They're going to be the new standards. And that's just going to be another standard thing, like you're saying. Like a couple years ago, the big thing was a lot of higher-end cars had heated and cooled cup holders, so you could put cold beverages in there and they wouldn't melt, or heated and cooled seats and all that shit.

That'll be around so soon. And it's like I can't imagine using a drink cooling cup holder. It's getting to the point where it's like, what features will they think of next? Because these are things that I would have never imagined I needed. My daughter's side view mirrors have

defrosters. I think her headlights do too. And her headlights have windshield wipers. It's a Volvo thing. Yeah. It just seems really decked out to me for a car we bought for like four grand or something yeah I like like sometimes we'll get a car to like ruin and like I'm like wow this is pretty fucking nice like we we we melted that Mercedes last year and I was like buying this Mercedes from these people and they're like he's like yeah I just don't have the

time to fix her up just so you know I put all new air conditioning in you know the whole the compressor pump and everything's new in here and down and he's like showing me all these little things that he's done to the car and I'm like I'm gonna destroy

this fucking car tomorrow we're burning this car with a flamethrower. So I don't fucking care about any of that. Well, you could let the flamethrower compete against the air conditioner and see how that goes. I'm still bummed that I left that race car battery in that Mercedes and it just dawned on me the other day that I had melted my $200-something. Oh, it was like my $200 something.

Yeah, it was that Optima multi-cell. It's not shaped like a rectangular thing. Right, you can see the curves of each cell in it. Yeah, there's cylinders inside of it and they're visible through the exterior of the battery. It's made that way. It's like the most expensive battery I guess you can get. It's the most expensive one AutoZone fucking sells. I know that.

That's right. It's the most expensive one AutoZone. I have one too that. Yeah, that's right. It's the most expensive one AutoZone. I have one too in my Tacoma, and it's 12 years old now, which I think is pretty impressive. Yeah. Yeah. That's, it was from 2005.

That's why you pay the extra for them. Yeah. I melted that motherfucker. God damn it. You had like 12, I know it costs more. I think it was like 120 versus like like $70 for a good battery. But it's gone like three times longer.

It's been good. Yeah, they just keep on going. And they got so many cold cranking amps. Like it's such a stronger battery. So if you're putting it in like, you know, a modern car, it doesn't fucking matter it seems. Like I get my car and you don't even hold the key over. You just bump it and release. And the car does the rest.

It's so nice. My truck doesn't do that. It takes over, and it's probably not wasting a drop of fuel in that startup process. So Hope, and I want to clarify, she's a good driver now. This is all worked out. Hope drives more than most people do. I think she's a good driver. She seems to drive fine when I drive with her.

Her commute to school is like 40 minutes each way. So she's driving like an hour and a half a day. And, you know, so that's a lot of time behind the wheel. But when she was learning to drive, she was slow at knowing when not to turn the key. You know how you turn it? It's like, you know, like the car is running. And to me, it's like, like like the car is running yeah to me it's like like stop turning the key and uh so awful to have to be witness to because it's such this like muscle memory

feeling ingrained it's hard to teach like you turn it until you get a magical vibe that the motor has started and then you know to let go of it within a millisecond. And she didn't have that vibe right away. She didn't know it was starting. You almost got to come up with some sort of one Mississippi, yeah. If we're consistent, right? But sometimes the motor takes a second, sometimes it takes two and a half.

You know, like it's what you have and what my wife has, just sort of bump it and then observe. It's cool, yeah. You know it's going to start. It always starts. I've sat there and tried my wife has is ideal. Just sort of bump it and then observe. It's cool. Yeah. You know it's going to start. It always starts. I've sat there and tried to make it mess up, like barely bump it and do stuff like that.

You can't bump it. I've done it. I didn't realize that's how my car worked until honestly like eight months ago. You know those fobs that you have to stick into the square thing and then you turn? And it's not a real key. I had always been turning it the exact amount of time that it took me to turn my Jeep on, where it goes like, vroom, vroom, vroom, and it was fine. Until one day I slipped and just kind of for a tenth of a second clicked it in and accidentally boop.

And it just goes, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom. And I'm like, oh, well, fuck. It's been fine the whole time. I never could have messed up. I thought I was on a perfect stretch. It was impossible to fit. Pyro, what are you driving? I drive a Renault Clio.

I don't know if you guys have those in the States. Oh, I don't know, but we're going to Google this piece of shit. Renault Clio 2006. A Renault Clio? A Renault Clio 2006. A Renault Clio? A Renault Clio 2006. It's a French car. This is going to be awesome. And it's auto.

It's not auto, sorry. It's stick. We only drive stick over here. I'll send you a picture of it. Do you have a girlfriend? Currently, I do not, actually. Oh, yeah. I would have assumed. I think this kind of car makes a lot of sense for...

I mean, I've never been to Europe, but it seems like everything's a lot closer and you don't need a giant car. My car would be a bitch to park on the streets of Europe, I feel like. This is a good car for someone who doesn't like cars so i uh i could see the logistics yeah i could see the logistics of owning like a big car in the states but i tell like i can walk to city hall in about seven minutes from where i am right now so it's not as if you know like i can walk to the airport in 20 minutes from where i am right

now i live pretty much bang in the middle of the city and the uk in general is like that when i'm in the states it's amazing to me that i need to take a 20 30 minute cab ride to get anywhere from where i am um so yeah america america is big there's like no like if i would if i had to walk to the airport like i'd have to set out on a Lord of the Rings style journey to like never cross the lands. Like I'd get lost and be like in the cold wilderness with my staff. Like that's what's cool about Europe and I guess the UK in particular is you can just live somewhere and be like, oh, I haven't even driven in weeks and i have everything i need i can just walk to the store whereas here even if you're quote really close to the store like it's still like really close is like over a mile so it's like oh yeah i'm really close to that store

i could walk there and get groceries now that i'm snowed in but i don't want to because it's going to take me fucking an hour if you live in the city oftentimes it's walking oriented right yeah um i i'm that's one thing i don't have like i'm on the edge of the city but you have to drive everywhere you go or take a motorcycle but like the the concept is the same chis uh like it was like his last day here like he was moving back home and and he decided to just go to the closest store. It was a gas station, like Quickie Mart kind of thing. And it was raining. So he's like, I'm just going to go to the closest store and get a bite to eat. And he walks. And like you said, man, it's a journey.

First of all, it's like three miles away, four miles away. And you round-trip that that and now you've gone somewhere. Yeah. And it's raining hard and it's not made for walking, right? So the speed limit is like 50 and to the right of the right line is like eight inches of like asphalt. So you're like either walking in the soggy grass or like dodging cars shoes yeah literally with no socks or something like squish squish exactly he labored onward squish squish squish the staccato of his squishy sticks pushing him further squish squish i wouldn't take his golf cart halfway to the location

yeah he uh yeah he didn't do that more than once he stumbles in through the door like some sort of a wild west like guys water barbarous barber lights Barbers! Barber lights! It's funny. He stopped smoking when he lived here. All you non-smokers will know if someone smokes, you know. If it's on their

clothes, in the car, whatever. For whatever reason, cigarette smoke is very detectable. I'm certain he wasn't smoking. He wasn't smoking in that house. Like, you know, he wasn't. And the whole time,

there was never like this, like, oh, no, I'm just a temporary non-smoker. Trust me. I'm like, but you kicked it for like months. How long was he here? Six months? Eight months? Like, it wasn't a short period of time. But all along, it was like,

no, I don't intend to kick this for good which was odd to me because i thought kicking it for good would be something that you really want to happen no he enjoys the cigarette smoking it's one of his favorite activities yeah i forget kyle is kyler taylor who was like you know cigarette smoking will always be popular as long as there's asshole non-smokers making you anxious or something like that i don't think i can claim that one that's pretty good though were you talking about earlier how you like need a car i like they're kind of necessitated most of the time you know it where we're about to go to denver again and it's like i guess you could fucking like walk around

everywhere but like no it's that would be awful to be dependent on someone else. I know you can do it, but I think my personality is just so much better suited to be, to like sitting here until the second I'm, I'm ready to leave. And then like getting into my car and being like, you know what? I got to pee. I'll go back and I can walk right because nobody's fucking waiting on me. I'm not getting a ride. I'm not catching a bus. I'll go back. I'll be walking right because nobody's fucking waiting on me. I'm not getting a ride.

I'm not catching a bus. There's not an Uber honking the horn. It's my car. And I decide if I want to make two loops around the store. I decide if I just want to drive aimlessly for three hours and clear my head. You can do all those things. And so I always get a rental car every single time. I've heard CEOs of automotive companies. I forget if it was the top guy at Chevy or Ford.

But they were saying, this might be the last generation that we're selling cars to individuals. And we might soon be selling them to little collectives. These are automatic driving cars. They're like Ubers, but you're not hiring anyone. You're just like, or a Lyft or whatever. It's, uh, it just drives itself. And yeah, you just like don't own a car anymore. At least six of us own a car together and it takes, you just call it and schedule it and it drives you there. And I, uh, but like you said,

like, I really like it. Like being completely in control of my own destiny. The idea of time sharing a car like that would stress me out on its own because it'd be like, well, like, do I need to check with these four other people and let them know, hey, I'm going to need to go to the store

tomorrow at 5 p.m. I'll probably be back 6.30 p.m. Oh, little Susie has soccer practice at 7, indoor soccer. She's very competitive. Did you know that she's... Oh, my God, shut up, shut up. I know we share a car together, but I don't want to hear it. I don't care about your car.

That's exactly what would happen. No. I want my own car. You've got to divorce people out of your car ownership, your fractional car ownership. You don't want that. Now, there is a such thing as that, but it's usually really high-end sports cars. There's these collectives of guys who go together.

Basically, it's a badass car club where maybe you pay these guys $50,000 a year, and you're a member of this club where we've got $3 million worth of cars, and occasionally you get to take one for a couple weeks or something like that. Those exist. That's kind of cool. But that's cool for really high-end stuff where it's kind of a buy it once, buy it nice kind of thing or whatever you say, Woody.

And it's like, well, I can't buy eight Porsches, but I could just spend $50,000 a year and have access to eight porsches i guess if that's your thing it's also popular amongst plane owners ah yeah yeah like a a guy who flies a fair amount like an active pilot might fly 50 hours a year so you can see like 50 hours a year, like it kind of makes sense to share the cost of it with other people. Yeah, it's two days. Yeah, it's no time. It's definitely a better way to do it. What were we talking about? Oh, fractional ownership of cars and how that, yeah, car ownership is really important to me because of the way I like to be able to use the car. For one thing, I want to be able to abuse it if I want to. I want to be able to literally abuse it if I want to. But also, I really like that freedom. Like I said, I've been in plenty of foreign cities.

And by foreign, I mean foreign to me, not where I'm fucking from. I've been in L.A. and been like, God, I really want to go here and do this. But I don't want to do the hassle that I'm going to run into if I walk out the door down there and like get a cab and go there and have to like carry bags down a street or something. It just sounds stressful. I don't need all that. Also nice to have a car. Different levels of cleanliness would be an issue with me. Like, so for me, for example, my car should be empty inside, like the driver's seat, the passenger seat, ideally the back seats, but not necessarily like Like you should just, they should be, see clean is a different thing. I'm not talking about sanitary, right? Like it doesn't need to be dusted and vacuumed, but it needs to be straightened. And I like my car straightened on the inside. However, the outside of my car is a complete mess. It's like salted and muddied and rusted and

dented and I don't give a fuck fuck. So someone who was sharing with me, they might be dirtier on the inside, cleaner on the outside. There's a lot to compromise on this. I just own it myself. I like it this way. Yeah, I'm definitely of that mind. Jackie might need a car soon. We'll see.

The recent fix was, so she has a 4Runner, Toyota 4Runner, and I guess you'd call it a hatchback, that back door that opens up. It stopped opening up. It wouldn't open up so much. I thought maybe if I pushed it and opened it, so I'm pushing it and working, and when you squeeze the thing, it makes this little sound to let you know the lock is unlocking, and it wouldn like working. And when you squeeze the thing, it makes this little sound to let you know the lock is like unlocking and it wouldn't go.

I dented the back of her car, like hipping it as whatever I showed it to her. And I'm like, I'm so sorry. Look what I did. And she's like, that's not a problem. I get to look at that one and say,

wasn't me because it's all beat to shit. Just that one. Yeah, I know the others are hers, but that one, and I actually bought a suction thing and made it like 90 that one. Yeah, I know. The others are hers, but that one, and I actually bought a suction thing and made it like 90% better. But with the back not opening, that was a major sacrifice for her. Like when she got groceries and that back really needed to open

like she wanted it to. And I took it apart. I was able to like get my hands in there, open it, hit it with WD-40 and lubricant and such, and now it works well. Oh, nice. I've staved off buying her a new car by fixing her existing one yet again, but that shit's on its last legs. That Tesla looks so fucking cool. Oh, yeah.

There's a Tesla SUV thing, too. That guy keeps innovating and coming out. He said something the other day about, you know, if you want a future-proof car, like, shop somewhere else. Because, like, he said, like, because next year's thing is going to totally eclipse what this year's thing is. And that's just going to keep happening. Pretty cool. Yeah. And he's got Trump's ear, apparently.

Like, he's part of Trump's little enclave of advisors. He said something like, I'm Trump's voice of reason, I think was his quote today. There was a little more to it. It was a cool quote, though. He's like, how often have you seen Trump bow down and kowtow to protests and complaints or what have you? He's like, talk to him. Influence him. And it was like, yeah, Elon Musk, he's a doer, I guess.

It didn't sound like he was saying i love everything about trump it was trump's the guy i'm working with him yep so yeah and that's got to be a good thing because i don't know elon musk seems like he's got a lot of cool ideas he started his own goddamn space program for fun so he probably handled most uh everyday little occurrences let me me read another ad here. This is a good time to tell everyone about Squarespace. This episode of PK is being sponsored by our friends over at Squarespace.

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When you go to texture.com slash pka it adds 14 days to try texture for free trial when you go to texture.com slash pka that's 14 days to try texture for free when you go to texture.com slash pka texture.com slash pka i uh i i i'm definitely gonna put texture on my phone i'll tell you why i stared at the goddamn back of my seat for that flight uh for for four and a half hours last time I was coming back from Colorado. We sat on the runway on the tarmac in Atlanta for an hour. For an hour we sat there waiting

for a gate and I had nothing to stare at but my hands. I'm definitely going to do this. I'm going to have so much entertainment when I get on this plane that it's not even going to be a concern. I'm telling you, I sat there and just had the most excruciating experience of like, all right, let's try to, this was my, I would do this thing where

I like put my elbows on my knees and my eyes in my palms and try to sleep like that. But inevitably you're putting so much pressure on your eyes. They start to ache like your eyeballs do. So I would come, I would come awake from that sleepy position and transition to something that would make my hands fall asleep within 15 minutes and then just stare at anybody around me for hours, it seemed like. The guy in front of me was teaching his wife Russian. And so I'm just like, alright, maybe I'll pick up a little something while I'm here.

She's got her whole journal. She keeps asking him for pronunciation help and he's like, look at my mouth. And I'm like, yeah, yeah. I'm looking at his mouth he's like and i'm like yeah yeah i'm like looking at his mouth too and it was awful most excruciating frontier is the fucking devil what's funny not fly frontier kyle has a real interest in a sensory deprivation unit but can't live without his phone for a few i'm getting in that fucking tank man that tank's gonna be cool uh we're gonna see what happens uh

i i hope i go to some other place and see some colors or something while I'm in there I hope I get to like meet some ancestors or uh or maybe I find out I'm the devil I don't know that really is the worst feeling on a plane is when you've landed and you prematurely put away all of your entertainment devices and then you find out that like oh i'm gonna be here for a bit so i could have finished watching you know twins or whatever fucking movie i found on dvd before i ran out the door from home and then you're like but i can't bring the my laptop back out and put the movie back on i'll look like a goober everybody's gonna be looking at me like that guy can't sit here for five minutes without doing something like what a child but it's the worst and you if you try and sleep like you were saying you just i just get furious

at everyone around me because i start to perceive everything they're doing as a direct affront to me trying to get some rest like in that focus you'll like hear somebody's whistler booger like like three aisles away where's i got the whistler booger yes exactly that where it's ee-hoo, ee-hoo, ee-hoo. Like at the Whistler Booger. Yes, exactly that. And you just get so upset and you're like, what sort of fucking asshole, what sort of fucking cunt doesn't realize that they have a Whistler Booger?

We've been on a plane for five hours together and your Booger's whistling up the whole fucking cabin. And it's just upsetting. I don't want to fly with my gun just because of that thing that happened in florida the other day i i feel like i just don't want to raise any eyebrows i don't want to walk to that special section in the atlanta airport be like excuse me i have a gun like inevitably that has to go down i just

don't feel comfortable flying with it i don't like going through the whole process. I know it's paramotor talk, which I don't do more than I have to, but I thought I was going to die yesterday. Oh, interesting. So the thing that I feel like I'm learning most slowly about paramotoring is feeling the

weather and knowing what to expect in the sky. So in the winter, I'm sorry, in the summer, when it, when there's a lot of moisture in the air, I can look at the clouds and get a vibe, but all winter long, it's just super clear blue skies. And, uh, it's like, what the fuck is going on up there? Like, I can't tell it's invisible. There's no clouds. There's no nothing during the day yesterday. It was kind of rocking. Like the wind was maybe 10 miles an hour with gusts up to 30 ish. And, uh, that's a day I would know not to fly. But as the sun sets, all that energy like goes away cause it travels through more. And, and, um, like, I'm like,

you know what? The wind is positively, it goes from still to like five, seven miles an hour. So those are all numbers that I can fly in. Let's give it a go. When I go to launch immediately, it's not a normal launch. Like I'm, I'm, I take off, I get speed and I'm not really going anywhere. I get like six feet up in the air and it drops me, but I'm ready for this. Like, you know, I don't assume that my launch is going to go well i'm prepared i have to run a little more and then i'm launching for good and uh i'm maybe 70 feet in the air and i realize i don't like it like i don't like it at all uh it's one thing that's happening so you've got the wing right that goes across the top and kind of an arch i'm twisting underneath it or the wing more as accurately as

it's getting blown around it's i'm like whitewater rafting in the sky at 70 to 100 feet in the air and uh the wing is twisting around and the other thing is the wing is coming like forward and back it's pitching me oh no yeah so i'm like diving to the ground and then leaning on my back and when you lean on your back there there's a fright that like, so if you're nice and straight, you're hanging up on the wing, it's cool. If you're like this, then you could like fall and like collapse

and the wing stays inflated if you're going forward. But if it goes backwards, it turns into like a streamer, right? Yeah. So this is all happening and I don't want to land immediately because I want to be a big pussy about it. So I'm like, I'm going to stay up here

for like three or four minutes and just know that I've figured out what the sky is. I didn't just like hit a patch and, you know, decide that I was too scared. So three, four minutes in, it's not improving at all. I've gained some altitude, which is mixed, you know? I'm going to land at terminal velocity, or maybe at 200 feet

the reserve chute like starts to work if i throw it real quickly or something and uh can i just say that like i i would guess that your reaction time plus the time it takes to like get that thing out and throw it would mean that you're probably like eight feet off the ground by the time it goes cool it could be right now they're designed to expand in a hurry so if you're yeah i know that 50 feet off the ground it's still helpful right yeah i take that yeah i'm just i just be like like you know you know how fall fucking drop and and how fast exactly and then a part of it is you know do you throw the reserve or do you fix your wing you know like if i'm 2 feet in the air, I can fix the wing for a while and decide that this isn't working out.

If I'm 200 feet in the air, you almost have to pick one. Are you gonna try and fix your wing or are you gonna try and toss your reserve? So after three, four minutes, I decide I'm not happy up here. It's a fucking rodeo. There's something called active piloting where you like keep tension on it and adjust it and fix it and whatever. And I feel like I've done that, but I'm not having any success, you know, in broad strokes, I'm steering where I'm going, but the details of it is up to the wind. I'm just getting, you know, pushed around.

It takes me another two, three minutes to, uh, uh, to like get into like an approach pattern. That's going to put me someplace safe. And again, I land in, in what they call rotor. So when, when wind blows past like a tree or a house, it doesn't just like smoothly on the other side, on the other side, it's like down river of a rock. And, uh, I'm coming in and I'm like, all right, this is all good good and it starts wagging me like side to side and uh i land like on one foot sort of run it out i managed to stay on my feet barely and uh jackie comes out she's like i was watching you you weren't going anywhere the wind gusts and like it seemed like it was nothing like the wind sock was literally just flaccid but she's watching me fly

at 25 miles an hour not going anywhere i'm just parked in the yard uh not making forward progress in peril going nowhere yeah and uh i finally land and i'm trying i was just happy not to be in the sky anymore and it's like all right it's because I had gone to Florida. And wind that I considered sort of similar on the ground. And when I launch in North Carolina, oftentimes I'm in like a bowl made of 150-foot trees. When I launched in Florida, it was like 70,000 acres of swamp and farms, you know. So the wind doesn't get all rustled and it's just smooth laminar flow. So high winds there were great to fly in.

They just seemed cool. Any kind of wind in North Carolina, it's a rodeo. And it's like, all right, lesson learned. You know, it's got to be a little calmer well i'm glad you're safe that sounds like it could have gone badly yeah you need some sort of high altitude wind detection system you need to shoot a flare up there or flat kite a kite would be fun they make remote controlled paramotors do you want want to see it? Let's watch a YouTube video. I don't think you guys will want to watch the whole thing. If you thought paramotors were cool,

kids, wait. Yes. Strap an animal into this thing? Because that would be kind of terrifying. So, shucks um see the problem this is the hype here we'll watch this together for maybe 90 seconds or so and people will get the Are you guys ready? Yep.

Ready, set, play. This is the Hybrid 1.8 RC Paramotor from Opal. To me, this is really cool. It has nearly three meters. It's kind of silly. It's a nine-foot-wide wing. It's kind of a big thing. It is.

Yeah. Look at the look, dude. Wow. Holy crap. He's a ginger. thing a very large model yeah i was really impressed with the high quality of the wing and the attention to detail put into the entire model wow it uses the same materials as a real he's a ginger and it's constructed similarly the pilot has servos in his chest that control the arms to pull the brake lines it is powered how much do you think this costs kb motor and a 10 inch prop i'm gonna guess 2600 million power three cell lipo the wing folds up nicely into this bag No $200 you can see oh, that'd be nice. You're about a thousand low Like when it's up against the against the background of like oh

And sure if it just flew and landed in some guy's pocket you'd be like that makes sense like it can't tell how big it is I love these crash little hands. Yeah, see it's funny just flew and landed in some guy's pocket. You'd be like, that makes sense. You can't tell how big it is. I love these crashes. Yeah, see, it's funny. The people who do this, I feel like if they knew how to fly a paramotor, they'd have more luck in the launching.

Because a lot of it's transferable. And you can watch a few more throws here and he really gets the hang of it. Nah, even that one wasn't great. See, that was a nice launch. $1,200 is cool because that drone you've got, your camera drone, is about the same. The camera drone has all this great GPS functionality built into it, which makes it hover and really wind-resistant.

It's designed to ignore all the turbulence and craziness that's happening up there by by tapping in the gps this thing although it's a really expensive way to test the air would be so ideal if you could fly this around the field you'd know if it was a rodeo up there or something kind of chill i can't believe he's brave enough to touch that uh that water i don't think he did, too. I've watched this before. He's in Colorado, right? He was explaining that to make it gain altitude,

you have to give throttle, and it's delayed, and sometimes this causes problems. And as he's saying that, it crashed on the ice. Ah, I see. But this is like $1,000, $1,200. I think you can even spend $1,800 on it. Yeah, it's expensive. kite a kite a kite would be 99 cents and probably get it done we got into kite flying briefly when i was a kid like i don't know i bought a cheap kite and it broke and so my dad

was like oh let's get you a better one and we went and bought a better one and then it it broke and dad was like you know what let's build a kite and we made this gigantic kite using aluminum arrows and uh and i don't remember what the material was but we made our own gigantic kite and i just remember it was so fucking high that nobody wanted to reel it back in so we just tied it to something and then there was a big crazy storm and it was just lost it just we came back the next day and it was gone i like to imagine that it got hit by lightning but that's probably unlikely probably just got sucked away let's go with that have i shown you guys the cool octopus kite you have not i've never seen a cool octopus kite at least never seen a cool octopus you are probably thinking to yourself that it won't be cool but i think when you watch this you will say you know what woody

it was indeed cool i don't know it's one in the morning wow come on it's cool isn't it it's cool it is it's moving in a very relaxing way yeah it looks like cgi to me. It's like you're trying to stop some drones from flying through. You would fly a few of these. It's hypnotic. It's pretty cool. I knew it was.

I told you it'd be cool. Sleep inducing. It is very calming. I sometimes think about making a new YouTube channel. Here's this. It's just as cool as the kite but I'll give you a laugh for that I didn't even know I was joking I uh I think it's cool in terms of a YouTube channel I've been watching there's a it's like ASMR. MR? ASMR? ASMR. These look like some interesting videos that get super long tail,

that are kind of low effort and get like a million views. Like 10 hours of raining on a car. You know, 10 hours of raining on a tin roof. 10 hours of wind in the woods. Crickets in the woods. And of course, you you know they just get like an hour of footage and repeat it or something dude these videos get like a million views now you have to do it well it needs to be a quality video you know you'd have to get like good audio in there and good video and and people listen to them when they sleep when they relax what have you

and uh i think like dude i really feel like I could do this as well as anyone ever has. You can't put ads every half an hour on a relaxation video. Just jump in there and like whatever. I don't even know what ads are playing nowadays. Gorilla tape or something. This is just a six- clip of a ref refs in hockey have different relationships than refs in soccer or football, much less professional.

And this is a ref screaming at someone after he's called him for a penalty. They're just, I mean, saying F you Right? Yeah I think It was the ref saying fuck you twice Oh is that what it's all Yeah because clearly Right before that happened The player was chirping the ref

Being like oh you're a You're just a hoser eh There's a reason you couldn't make it in this league and that's why you're wearing the stripes bozo or whatever the fuck they say to each other he goes fuck you fuck you two minutes for interference in uh rugby they the ref is like the god. If you swear at the ref, you get sent off. Really? Rugby's more of a middle upper class sport, so there's a lot of discipline instilled in young kids to play it.

And the ref is like, you don't fuck with a ref, otherwise you get sent off. We don't have any rugby experience here. It's just not even a sport people is able to play because it's football. Pretty much. I mean, American football is played

over here as well, which is interesting. My cousin is playing in Finland in the second European division for American football. Some how it exists. I didn't even know most countries over there played American football.

Yeah, it does have its fans. And they have the NFL every year. Go ahead, sorry. Like a Division III American football player. Like someone who was good in high school, good enough to make it to the lower levels of college. Like how they'd do if they went to Europe. Probably top.

Like the money you get over here as well isn't really that great. like how they'd do if they went to Europe? Probably top. The money you get over here as well isn't really that great. You're going to be getting maybe for a top European player maybe like $50,000 to $100,000 a year. It's nothing compared to the States. But travel, I guess. You get paid for your accommodation and stuff. If you want to go to Germany or Spain. You're not making big money when it's like,

yeah, but the per diem is $50. They don't need that. Food costs like $40. So you just pocket that $10. I just go anywhere I want. Buy anything I want to eat. Up to one drink. Keep the receipt and I T&E it. You know?

Yeah, I remember. Time and it. You know? I remember. Time and expenses. It's a wonderful program. At QAD, my first job, it was like, you know, the per diem here, I forget what it was, like $38 a day. This was a long time ago. And I'm like, oh, so I can either eat right, you know, for $38, or eat on the cheap for $30 and just put eight in my pocket. That's how I get them. A long,

long time. Your children's children won't see the reaping of that harvest. It wasn't like I was misbehaving or anything. You were allowed to do that. You were allowed to just say $38. That's what I want.

The company was fine with it, even if you just ate at McDonald's three times a day. So that was the thing. I got him. Well, aren't you guys cheery? I feel like y'all need coffees. When there were some tech difficulties, I got on. Well, aren't you guys cheery? I feel like y'all need coffees. Right? When there were some tech difficulties, I got on here and said, Hey, baby, we had tech issues.

Can I get a second coffee? And she said, Okay. The language of love right there. And she delivered the coffee, and I feel like I'm the only guy bouncing right now. You're definitely the only guy bouncing. I'm so tired. I am so fucking tired. There's been a couple of times where I've just looked at myself in my own little camera

and been like, you look like you woke up a minute ago. I'm wondering how I'm going to get to sleep. And my weekend is gonna start soon that's you know one of the problems with my lifestyle is that other people don't live it and that's a pain in the ass i wish all you assholes would quit your jobs so that i had people to play with um that would really benefit me a ton you know i um i i my friend uh who owns the construction company you guys said we were gonna go ride motorcycles today and one of his employees was the construction company, he said we were going to go ride motorcycles today, and one of his employees was sick,

and we were going to go motorcycling to an abandoned cotton gin or something like that. Some sort of, they made cotton there or something, and there was a dam for the power source, and there's water flowing, and it seemed like a cool ride through the back country to an abandoned mill or something. And he had to work, which I thought was inconsiderate to me.

If you guys would just stop it, then I would have more people to play with. What time is it where you are, Pyro? It's like 6 in the morning. 6.22. You know, I'm actually tempted to go and get a coffee and just pull an all-nighter. Yeah, like college.

Fix my sleeping routine, man. I woke up at almost midday today, so I occasionally have to do that every once in a while, to be honest. Just reset, do a 36-hour day, and then you'll hit the hay hard tonight at like 9 p.m. No, there is nothing more upsetting than pulling an all-nighter and then getting to like 9 p.m. No, there is nothing more upsetting than pulling an all-nighter

and then getting to like 9 a.m. of the night you pulled the all-nighter and being like, oh, my God, a whole day has begun, and I can't ditch out now, or it all was for naught. Oh, you're fucked. You're so fucked. Yeah, if I take an 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. nap, then I'm right back to square one. And so you have to just endure it and just be like a slug all day. It's coffee day, Paul.

I wish you were here. You could come play with me. Kyle's face says no coffee. You guys know Brad? He's in the Army. He can't just ditch all the time. He's weekends. You know, I'll fly there and be there in like 10 hours.

10 hours. 10 hours. Well, actually, I need to get an ASTEP because mine expired, and then I would need to get a flight. It's complicated going to the States, man, from Europe. Yeah, well, we don't want you foreigners staying. We need certain documents. Trump's America. This is Trump's America.

We don't want you Irish people trying to stay here because we're racist, I guess. Trump's America. We don't want you Irish people trying to stay here. Because we're racist, I guess. No, he's still white. It's not racist. I know. That was the joke. I mean, I would go to Boston and they would treat me like a king. In Boston?

If I walked in there. If I said I was Irish. Yes. Yeah, they would. Because when I've been to the East Coast, when I talk to people that I don't know, the first thing they would tell me is how their great uncle or how their one-eighth Irish or something like that.

I'm like, does it really count if it's your uncle's cousin or something? So how Irish do you have to be to be Irish? I'm not really sure. I don't really care that I'm Irish have to be to be Irish? I'm not really sure. Like, I don't really care that I'm Irish, to be honest. It's like, I heard a comedian say once, like, you don't go and brag that you've got, like, a predisposition to, like, colon cancer or some stuff like that. It's just something you're born with, right? So.

I see here that Ireland's going to be the first country to fully divest from fossil fuels. They're moving everything into ethanol. Yep, go Ireland. They chose ethanol? No, I was joking because you can get drunk on ethyl alcohol. I thought you were serious there for a second. Yeah. You know what?

No, but that is true. I don't know what they're switching over to. Probably something that makes more sense. Like solar. Potato vodka. Potato vodka. I would go for that. Potato engines.

Yeah, they're becoming very progressive down in the south of Ireland. They're doing away with all those fossil fuels and they're doing a lot of renewable energy schemes. But I think they have like a medical weed going up for a vote soon as well and people are pretty confident about that

and the UK in general is very like you guys are passing those bills over there like crazy but in Europe you know pretty much Holland and Spain are the only places Portugal as well in terms of drugs. So if you pass medical marijuana, will you need to be sick or just kind of like sick?

I'm not sure. I mean, there's already products available in the UK, but it's funny because cannabis is illegal in the UK. But there's pharmaceutical companies growing cannabis to harvest it and create like, uh, spray, spray products. Yeah. I think it's called like city Vax or something. I'm not sure. Um,

but that's the only sort of licensed product that, uh, but you have to get prescriptions for that. Um, but it's interesting. I mean, uh, it's interesting for me going from,

uh, I went to, where was it, California, and I was walking around and seeing all the weed dispensaries you guys have there for the medical weed, and I was in Amsterdam a couple weeks before, and, you know, it's been legal over there for about 40, 50 years, and it's nowhere near as commercialized as the States. Like, everything is in fancy boxes and wrappers and when you go to amsterdam it's basically here's this box full of nugs of weed and that's it you walk into your store and it's like that so yeah we know how to market a product here yeah you give

us something to sell we'll we'll put it in a fancy box give it a cool name, and tell you what it'll do for you. There was an Apple Store-like retail pot thing I heard about. It was cool. I don't know. It wasn't actually from Apple. It was just looking like Apple. There were iPads. But they copied their style

and it sounded awesome. I'm going to Google that, Woody, to bring you up on it see it's getting it's getting to that point now where everyone's sort of fearing uh not everyone baby not everyone i'm here and the next line is i'm queer but yeah yeah okay continue where you headed with that woody all right maybe i'm a little punchy i could see that a little punchy uh it's like the non-drinking drinking episode i'm not sure whether i should go in uh i actually have caffeine pill pills down here and i'm tempted to take one at this point man but it's again it's 6 30 so

i don't know point of no return once i pop it it It's almost bedtime. I'm going to get some good sleep tonight. You think? Not me. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. Of course, I got a little post-production on this. There's probably something you could take to counteract the caffeine, right? There should be an antidote to caffeine. So if you mess up, you can just drink caffeine.

What would you call it? I don't know. Warm milk? I don't know what you'd call it. There should just be a thing. Yeah. is there? If there's a little melatonin? That would just kind of counteract it.

But wouldn't an antidote, something that's going to just make it... Hmm. Yeah, my solution... Potassium or magnesium. Really? Have a banana. Yeah.

And that would undo the caffeine? Some home treatments for caffeine overdose include drinking water, mild exercise, and eating foods high in potassium and magnesium, such as bananas or dark leafy greens. If you overdosed on caffeine, you're too weak to survive. I got the jitters i can't stop i want my legs are shaking too much man it's serious uh i used to take this like when i was at uh college my friends used to be big weightlifters and they dragged me along with me that's how i sort of got into going to the gym and uh they used to take like these pre-workout supplements just full of caffeine and they had like 500 milligrams of caffeine per scoop and my friend was like you know his tolerance

was super high so he was taking double scoops he was like oh i'm gonna take a triple scoop and me being the idiot decided to you know join in i was a gram and a half of caffeine and it's not really that much but well it is that much it is too much I started shaking like physically shaking and I ended up throwing up midway through the gym session that was the first caffeine it's like drinking 10 Red Bulls yeah it was pretty serious man I thought I was like a really really dizzy and shortness shortness of breath. Wow.

Obviously with the heart pumping as well with the exercise. Freaking out and thought, have I died in that gym? Wouldn't be here today. That would have been embarrassing. I wonder what my caffeine tolerance is like because it seems like I constantly drink soda. It's my main beverage of choice, and that has caffeine in it. So I've always got some baseline of caffeine. I drink a couple cups of coffee every single day, like two cups every day.

It's got to be high. Probably. I probably have maybe three cups of coffee a month. I can't think of other caffeines. I sometimes have some G fuel, um, but I don't know if that even has caffeine. Yeah. 150 milligrams.

It does. It does. I remember checking it. A lot. Yeah. That's well, it's about two coffees worth, I guess.

Yeah. I don't have, I don't, which is actually quite a lot. Yeah. Chiz drinks a lot of coffee, like, like multiple cups a day.

I think Kitty does too. Um, Kitty drinks a shitload of coffee. I don't know where Chiz drinks a lot of coffee, like multiple cups a day. I think Kitty does too. Kitty drinks a shitload of coffee. I don't know where Chiz is now. When Chiz worked at Woody Craft, like 12, 18 cups in a day. Like he would just hydrate with coffee. Like he just drank coffee a lot. But I don't know where he is today on that. That sounds horrible.

It's got to be the right coffee. And I like coffee. But I put sweetener and milk in there. So it's not terribly unhealthy for me either. So it's just a little splash of milk, and that's about it as far as calories. So Chiz likes his coffee. Like in the same – you know how people like beer? Yeah, he's a connoisseur.

They drink the beer and they're like, yeah, swish it around. That's a complex taste or something. That's how Chiz is with coffee. It's usually black and he'll be like, oh, these whatever coffee beans that came from the feces of an African monkey. They're like – you could really taste the earth in coffee in this. That's the thing. Not monkeys, but it's bats. There's a coffee that's collected from the droppings of bats.

They eat the coffee bean. They poop it out. Then the coffee bean is collected, dried, roasted, ground, and served as coffee. It's bat shit coffee. Quanto coffee. Yeah. I've gotten that way a little bit with sodas Now I don't drink sodas much

I'm not even sure I've had one this month But when I do drink the occasional soda I don't want it if it's not from a glass bottle And I really like to try a new experience of soda You know, a prickly pear Something new And I'll drink it It's like S savor it.

Coconut penis? Yeah, that was the soft drink from the office. I would love a coconut. If you told me you had a coconut soda, and it looked like it came in an old-timey Coke bottle, I would be all about that. I would pay $5 for that soda. Wow.

I got a vanilla bean soda upstairs. It's pretty tasty. Most of those sodas that I ordered from that place were real losers. They were all either flat or tasted like shit or like cough syrup or something. That's real downer. But I like the fancy sodas too. I think we're all on that same page. I got some cool root beers while we were in Denver

and they had a kind of top that I'd never seen before. You grabbed like a ring and you bent that ring upwards and pulled and then there was a loud boom and it just blew it clear of the top and it was unsealed I'd never seen one of those before it's not like it yeah it's there's a it's not the like glass bottle type with like a uh like a cantilever like cork that goes that pops and goes boop and uncorks. This was completely different. It was like an aluminum tearaway pop top, and it made a really loud boom when the fucking

root beer got open. It had a koala bear on the- So it was in a can, though. Yeah, a bottle, a glass bottle with an aluminum top. And when you tore the the you pulled the ring upwards and it tore the aluminum and when you got to the top there was a loud pop and it blew the whole aluminum top clear of the glass bottle and you were good to go and then you drank from a glass bottle as if it was certainly oh that sounds great it was some sort of australian root beer

and i was joking about um that it was sweetened with koala nectar. And she was like, what's koala nectar? And I was like, oh, the koala nectar. Those koalas get up there all high and crazy off the eucalyptus, and they mess around in the flowers. Now their diggers, they get covered in the pollen. So we get them down when they're all high from the eucalyptus late at night and shake the paws of all that pollen there and get our koala sweetener, koala nectar. And just went on for hours about koala nectar.

And like how the koala nectar was refined. Oh yeah, hours about how the koala nectar was refined and collected and how we were very careful not to injure any koalas. And I think we had a new product, something with wallabies. I imagine this conversation being facilitated by soda,

making you guys all giddy and silly. I had my koala nectar sweetened root beer there. It was my muse. We had a good time. I like Denver, man. It's fun there. I like having a real winter, for one thing, because we still haven't gotten cold, cold weather here

for more than two or three days in a row. I fly out of here and it's like 70 degrees i land in denver it's 40 in it there's snow on the ground and people wearing coats and shit it feels like winter it does um i i the cold in hindsight the cold doesn't kill me too much you know i do miss i think if i paramotor and motorcycle, I wouldn't like the cold so much. The gray skies, that's a killer. The gray skies make me sad. If Colorado has cold weather and blue

skies, then that's not so awful. But the northeast, like Philly, New Jersey, New York, it's gray and cold. That's not my cup of tea. Yeah. I wanted to time my trip so I could watch the It's gray and cold, and that's not my cup of tea. Yeah. I wanted to time my trip so I could watch the UFC fight because that's where Holly Holm is fighting.

She's fighting in Denver on the 11th, but I miss it. I don't get to see the Holly Holm fight. I would like to see that. I want to know when they're coming to Phillips Arena again next. I want to go to an event. I wonder if they're ready for that altitude. I think she trains in Albuquerque, which is already at some altitude, right? It makes sense. I would imagine Albuquerque is

at some altitude. I don't know what it is. Yeah, I don't know. It's a mile high. We looked it up the other day. It's 5,340 feet or something. I'm very close to that. What is the altitude in Albuquerque, New Mexico? 3,204 feet. The elevation of Albuquerque, New Mexico is about 4,954 feet. Very similar. Yeah, that's very close to... So maybe she's already training in altitude.

She's ready. I love that whole thing we were talking about the other day about Habib and how he trains in Dagestan at altitude his whole life. That's really interesting to me. I want to see that fight. Conor's got his hands full with Habib.

Or does he? Does he knock him out in the first round like 40 seconds in? That'd be so Connor-like. And he's just like, he points and stops him on the side of the ring and it's over. Climb on the octagon and do his money, money, money thing. He was doing

that money onto the other corner's people. I like that. He's like, yeah! Yeah, I think he didn't like someone in Alvarez's camp or something like he had something to say to them but uh yeah connor he doesn't always win with class but i still like him looking for yeah neither is trump but he wins that's all that matters can't argue he won he won those are the rules man i uh i'm having a great time with the trump thing i i keep saying it over and over but man it's just

so shocking every time i realize it's real again like i'll walk by kitty's office and i'll just duck in and i'll be like donald trump is the fucking president and just walk away as she curses at me with a little British accent. So she was not pro-Trump. Of course not. She should have voted for Hillary more often. I don't think she's allowed to vote. Oh, that doesn't stop the Democrats.

She should have got a good 10, 20 votes in there. She's like, oh, I'm not allowed to vote. Well, if you were dead, you would be. Yeah, she just didn't have the right attitude. She didn't have a little more gumption. Maybe she could have carried Georgia. Yeah, that old meme, it said something like, it's got, what's his name? John Wayne. It's got a picture of John

Wayne, and it says something like, oh, in life, I was a Republican, so I would have voted for a Republican, i'm dead so i'll vote for a democrat i like that that was pretty good yeah um yeah trump is president and he's doing things on the daily daily uploader like like a youtuber i appreciate that i know how hard it is that. I know how hard it is. Some of his moves I like. Some of his moves I don't like, but at least there's a show.

Yeah. Oh, there's a show. I can't wait for the war. The war is coming. Yes. The war is coming. Some people out there saying six of one, half a dozen of another. I say you get what you pay for. There's a war coming. I don't know what that means at all.

It doesn't just mean nothing. Mission accomplished. That's what that means. I'm exhausted. In my head, that was funny. Kyle, I'm sorry. You were saying? He's going to bomb someone, drone somebody.

He might send troops in, and then there's going to be that sticky situation of like, oh, they have diamonds there? Well, let's dig them up. Dig them up. He's like, send in the diamond diggers. Sir, we don't have any diamond diggers. Get some shovels. I don't know.

What do you want me to do your work? Do you want me to do your job for you? Do you want me to do your job for you? I just do your job for you. Did I just do your job for you? Meanwhile, it's Kellyanne Conway. She's like, this really isn't under my job just to find your diamond diggers

I just twist people's words that's my thing I just make you look like a not a madman she's great at her job amazing even I couldn't have saved the Clinton campaign I think they

asked her and of course that's the smart you know i guess she could have been like oh well i'm sure there were moves that could have been made you know etc etc blah blah blah but instead she's like oh no no by saying that she couldn't do it she did it really well like i don't know that's 3d chess right there that's yeah yeah she's she's masterful at that shit she you know she she just came in mid-campaign and just immediately started being the one to like take what trump said and and muddle it and and and confuse it and twist it around so that anyone off to the edges of his core constituency could be like well maybe i guess that's maybe he meant that

he could have meant that i guess that's what words do all right i forget who said it but it was something like oh it doesn't matter what trump says it only matters what you think he feels and i'm like wow that that's kind of how trump's support works like he can say anything but people will say oh oh, no, what he meant was this, or his motivation for saying that was this. It's a tricky thing. The whole 3D chess thing is excuses for things he's actually said and done.

It worked. He won. Now, I hope he leads well. It doesn't matter either way. There's no buybacks on this. You don't get to try a president out for three years and be like, you know, that ain't working out. We're in for the solid four.

Unless he starts committing crimes and then you can impeach the processes. You can't just be like, the economy isn't going well. We're going to move in a new direction. There's definitely crime shit you can already do. He's already renting office space to foreign governments right like that just the day he started it was

arrangements that existed before he was president right um there's the hotel in in dc that has some sort of con oh you it's you can't be a government official, right? So the instant he became one, there was problems there. He doubled the price to join his golf club from $100,000 to $200,000 a year in Florida. So that could be seen as like using his position in office to profit, right? I get it. But when he became president, there were more applications. Because he had more applications, he raised the prices. It's business.

Yeah, but it doesn't seem like one is feeding the other. It seems like he's doing better because he's president, not – Well, the first two were straight up like presidents can't do this. But they're preexisting things, but that doesn't make it okay. In my mind, though, it takes away some of the evil. But my point is, if there's a real witch hunt after Trump, like there was after Clinton. You know, Clinton, they went after some real estate deal

that eventually led to him getting a blowjob in the Oval Office, right? If there's a witch hunt after Trump, they'll find stuff. You know, if they wanted to get rid of Trump, then he's guiltier than Clinton was. You've got to find a witch hunter willing to do it first. He's going to come from a minority party. Who was in the majority when Clinton got impeached? I think it was the Republicans.

Was it? Kenistar was named the special prosecutor. You would think that they would have had to have had some power to make that happen because otherwise the Dems would have hushed it all up. It lasted for years. It is possible that they were the minority when it started and the majority when it happened. I was 97. I was a little kid.

Yeah, I was like 50. But anyway, so there is stuff on trump that you could already like get him with it's just a matter of do people even want to get him you know where are we on this thing and yeah there there are those little the things like like him owning the the the the hotel and stuff like that i i think you need a legal scholar to even nail down exactly whether that's right or wrong or what could be done about it.

I feel like for impeachment proceedings, there's really specific things that it has to be before they could even do that. And of course, that's the bullseye that's painted on his back right now for every Democrat.

They're like, wow, if we could get out of this with less than four years of Trump, that'd be the biggest win of all time. That'd be almost as big as him winning. I'm sure they're looking at that and hoping that something comes up that they can be like, aha,

this is a silver bullet he can't dodge. But I don't think it's come up yet. There's definitely like things that don't work. I think that the burden of proof is quite high for that sort of thing. Just like I was learning about this, there's some sort of law that prevents Congress members from using inside information that they have about companies to invest in those companies for profit. And there was a there's a big investigation about it etc but and in the end they pass some law that says you know you can't do that or we'll come get you and you won't be at congress anymore and you'll go to jail but the burden of

proof to like prove that they've done it is so high that like in essence they they did nothing that you know they're still doing this sort of and i i think the burden of proof may be on impeachment hearings is probably pretty similar it It's probably a pretty difficult thing to do. I mean, they had Clinton and they didn't get him. So Clinton got censured. He got impeached. I think he's officially impeached.

He lost his law license. But I think he was impeached. He was definitely impeached, but he wasn't removed from office. And he lost his law degree. Temporarily, I think. No, he lost. I don't think he has anymore.

I thought he had it now, but I could be wrong. I'd have to Google it. I thought he took it. And Nixon, this is getting pretty old history, all he really did is knowingly get some papers from somebody's office. That really wasn't much different that was a burglary weekly that wiki leaks it's just the no that was a conspiracy and a burglary though you know they literally broke in physically like like they like to me is not much different

than breaking in virtually oh it is to me oh it's so much bigger uh like he like nixon ran a conspiracy with g gordon lyddy and all those He's like, you go over there and you break into that door and you steal from my fucking – the other candidate. That's heavy stuff. To me, that's very similar to getting somebody's email. But who got somebody's email? Well, I'm not – I mean, Trump asked the Russians if he could raid their email and then it appears that they did

and WikiLeaks released it. No, that's flat out how it went down, right? Like, you can't laugh that off. That's what they did. It's possible. Maybe they got it beforehand. But if you do connect the dots like that, Trump is like, look, if you guys were to get her emails,

I think the media would treat you very fairly or very positively or something like that. It hasn't been proven that the Russians got the emails. It's a very tenuous... There's 17 intelligence agencies that agreed on it. With no proof. You couldn't try it in a court of law. They don't have... It's not like, oh yeah, we know for certain.

It's like, all signs point to this. It's more of one of those, the burden of proof isn't there again. Oh, I don't know what the burden of proof is, but they seem to think

that's how it went down. And, and then. But not at his direction. Like, it wasn't like Trump was ordering Putin around. I know what you're talking about

when Trump said that. He's like, if anybody has access to this information out there, please let them release it. He specifically asked the Russians to do it. It wasn't if anybody. I felt like he had a laundry list.

If the Russians have it, if this person has it. Regardless of what he said, though, it certainly wasn't him directly ordering a Russian to do a thing in the same way that the President of the United States directly ordered his henchmen to break into the Watergate Hotel and steal things. I mean, those guys went to fucking jail. G. Gordon Liddy did time.

That was conspiracy, burglary, and theft, and all that stuff. He said, I will tell you this, Russia, if you're listening, I hope you're able to find 30,000 emails that are missing. I think you'll be rewarded

mightily by our press. You know, that's not hey, anyone. That's specifically... That's straight up asking the Russians. No, I'm not saying the Russians only did it because he asked but after that they started leaking it you know and i don't have my timeline straight i'm under the impression that they have a lot of stuff to like like like and as far as far as i know the the the theory is that the

russian that putin orders this thing uh then the the Russians get the information, then they leak it to another party who then gives it to Julian Assange. It's a pretty big web, but it's just not the same. Okay. To me, it's exactly the same. I don't think that because they hacked an email server versus hacked a door lock that it's different at all. But the president of the United States gave orders to people who work for him, literal henchmen, to break it. In that respect, I'll agree. And they physically go and do it. It's a big

difference from him on the stomp. In front of the news media going like, hey, if the Russians have it, hey, get it out there. I bet there's a lot of people in this room would like to see that information. That's so massive a difference, though, than literally giving an order to people who are bound to take those orders to go commit criminal acts within your own country i can see the difference there

i guess what i was saying is let's say hypothetically in an alternate universe trump told his own people to hack the email server and release it that to me would be exactly the same you know it doesn't matter that it was a door lock I don't think it's bad even I don't think it's bad if he sends him in he may even have like some legal standing to to get in there like that the DNC private email server yeah maybe if he suspects them of some wrong doing as commander-in-chief this was as a candidate certainly would recover so you certainly would uncover plenty of wrongdoing if you looked in there yeah he was there look I think you're being pretty forgiving of some hacking and and saying that hacking people's computers is fair game there's no penalty no it's fine it's only bad if they literally but donald trump didn't order the hacking

at all or even anything tantamount to it is the way i feel like he's the hacking had already taken place anyway months prior and the information was already they had it like it was already done and like everything was already over like they certainly weren't talking about emails in the news media and then the Russians go in and like steal this stuff it seems like Jesus if if your emails Hillary are

enough of a story that we're talking about them here in front of all these cameras is it still a possibility that they're going to go in there and get DNC emails and get into john the desk you haven't worked on your security yet your password is still password john i don't know it's a completely different thing to me like i mean clearly it was because nixon uh would have went to jail if his vp hadn't have pardoned him right didn't didn't uh was it johnson no it's not johnson That's Kennedy. I have Goldwater in my head, but it's not Goldwater.

It's the guy who was never elected, right? Yeah. I believe so. Fuck it. It's fucking two in the morning. That fucking guy. Anyway. Yeah, no, I think that physically taking stuff and virtually taking stuff is very

similar that i i'm sort of stuck on that but uh whatever he's our president now um he's not my president he might be you watch out you don't have a government you just slip in there who would fight trump might pick up the phone and like like like make a deal with the fucking queen of england to even though that's not he's like no no i'll only deal with her she's not the head of state she's a showpiece no no i mean the queen that's how we work only her only her i don't want to deal with that other chick, you guys, that PM or whatever that is. I just finished the last season of the Tudors. I know exactly how this works.

I talked to the king and no one but the king. That's my Trump impression. I just broke it out. I need to talk to the king of England Or anyone else who will do You guys want to call the show? Nope, we got 12 minutes to go What? We're approaching 6 hours and 40 minutes

In the call Well, you guys probably belong there 6 hours and 51 minutes in the call You're all a bunch of sissies A bunch of flat-jawed faggots. Stuff will turn you into a sexual tyrannosaurus. I haven't talked as much as you guys, but

it's crazy how much physically draining talking for seven hours is. What kind of mic do you have there? Am I looking at an RE20? What kind of mic do you have? This? Oh, it's a Rude or Rude, whatever, podcaster. Okay, okay. Popular mic.

Lefty used to rock that. I think it's like $200. I got it for $200 at least, but it was kind of an upgrade from the Yeti when I had one. They're very popular and I don't like them. They do not look good to you? You know what's worse? The Snowball.

Everyone used to rock the Snow snowball and they never sounded good the snowball was very like its shape as well made it very awkward to use like i put it on a boom mag and it was i don't know i don't like the the ball shape of it i prefer these longer mags i'm a big fan of this thing right here. I don't see any reason to ever buy another microphone unless this one breaks or is stolen. So I'm real happy with this. I use the same mic as Kyle. And I guess I think I moved away from it too much because I would watch PKA,

usually the first couple of minutes, and be like, I sound fine. But just recently on a more recent pk i watched in the middle of it and i was like i am kind of quiet in that like i see why everyone's fussing so i switched over to this mic which is different than the one i used to use and we'll see if today worked out better than normal i don't know we'll find out hopefully we got it all recorded so far so good i don't believe a word of it. I'm still recording as well, so.

Yeah, so we'll make it. Just in case. Does OPS record with a variable frame rate, do you know? Or is it a solid frame rate? You have to set it. To set it. I'll have to check. By default, it should be solid, but you can set it to variable if you want.

I don't want that. I don't want want that because otherwise it doesn't sync up and you're you're if you ever have to render it again like maybe uh i don't know someone says something that needs to be cut then uh you're out of luck nine more minutes taylor can you go taylor tell us a bible story. I am so fucking tired. Like, I've never been closer to falling asleep. Why are you so tired? It's like 1 a.m. there. I've been here for seven hours, motherfucker. Yeah, but I've been here, too, for seven hours.

I've been up all day. You wouldn't know I'm the oldest guy on this call. No, you wouldn't. This is a teaser preview for, I guess, probably next PKA. I was actually looking around, doing more Bible research, trying to find what I think is the upper echelon of Bible tales.

I'll bring one of those next week, but I'm hammering through them. If you guys have suggestions, tweet them at me. Alright. Tweet them at me. There's a lot of great ones, and it's easy to overlook them. If you guys have suggestions, tweet them at me. Alright. Tweet them at me. There's a lot of great ones, and it's easy to overlook them. The Bible. The original all facts. Yeah, I like the ones

where God the one where he tortures Job because of a bet that he's got with this and then in the end he's just like, yes i win and walks away and leaves job in his rubble like that's such a shit fucking story like i feel like if you told anybody that like like when they were just getting into christianity but oh let me tell you this one

thing god did all right so he makes this bet right he gambles with satan you know the lord of darkness we covered him earlier right he makes a bet a bet with him against his most loyal human subject of them all and basically tortures that guy endlessly for at least a few months. It's not a starter story. You lead into that one. You've got to get through a lot of loaves of bread and fish from Jesus before you start telling them about what God did to Job. If God told that story

on Facebook, we'd all unfriend him. Yeah, if God told that story and was like, am I the asshole? We'd all be like, yes, are the asshole. Yes. Yeah. Dude, I totally want to put that in, am I the asshole, like

the subreddit. Just tell the story of Job. There's plenty of them like that, I i would imagine like like the story i mean just a couple books after that elisha uh orders a lot of children to be murdered by bears because because they mocked him for being bald he's a very sensitive prophet about that at least yeah uh did you know that you know that that story? That's the whole story. Spoiler. They said, oh, look at – Tell your flesh from your bones. That's what it is. They said – and they called out to him, bald man, bald man, or something like that.

And that was enough for Elisha to be like, all 40 of these kids are useless garbage, trash. And then God's like, I let you control these two bears just for like the next 15 minutes though don't go crazy and then he just he uses the bears to murder all the children and they they not a single one survived and when you think about it that's like that's like all the farmers all the workers and like the little village nearby like they can't so they can't survive that they've put too many resources into these kids already but they shouldn't have been such a bunch of loudmouth faggots to that problem put all your eggs in one basket with those kids shouldn't have done it yeah you kill 40 kids in like biblical times like jesus christ that's an enormous amount of

kids too too many kids to murder for that joke even with sodom and gomorrah you know like like okay i get it that these are like they were breaking God's law and being immoral or whatever they were up to, butt-fucking. But that one part where, like, Lot offers him, offers those rapers, his daughters, his virgin daughters, he's like, over these strange men he just met in the darkness.

Like, he just met some strangers at night, and the crowd wants to rape him. They must have been some good-looking guys. Yeah, there's some horrible, horrible parents in the Bible. The worst. You know, they didn't have chicken soup for the soul or anything to go off of. So, you know, you make a lot of mistakes.

He turned his wife into a pillar of salt. You make a lot of mistakes. Then Lot fucked his daughter. I mean, you got to keep the species. You got to keep, I mean, technically, he didn't really need to fuck his daughters as I mean, you gotta keep the species... I mean, technically, they didn't really need to fuck his daughters as much as he probably wanted. Well, they got him wasted. They plied him with

honeyed wine. It was not his fault. I mean, we all know you get enough honeyed wine in you, who knows what could happen, right? Your wife turned to salt. I've been there. Not the wife turning to salt, the honeyed wine in you, who knows what could happen, right? Your wife turned to salt. I've been there. Not the wife turning to salt, the honeyed wine.

Yeah, the honeyed wine. That's mead, right? Isn't mead a honeyed alcoholic beverage? That much is true. Isn't it a beer, though? Am I crazy, or is it just its own thing, mead? I would think it would be a kind of

beer fermenting honey with water and fruits okay and then grog grog was rum and water right and then with a pirate are you shitting me that is no it was the only way to make sure your water wasn't bad was to add rum to it oh man there's there's no way that water tasted at all acceptable on a hot ship like full of rum that was and they had that issue with scurvy uh you know that because they're eating nothing but like salted dried beef or meat or whatever and drinking grog so they're getting no vitamins yeah it's all just liquid dead calories and alcohol and salted pork. Salted pork? But salted pork is particularly good.

Salted pork? I don't know. I find you drinking and smoking and feasting. It's from the extended scene in Lord of the Rings, The Two Towers, when they come upon flooded Isengard, and Gimli sees

Merry and Pippin sitting there being smug cunts, smoking and eating, and he gets very upset. Like, I've been trying to save you guys and here I find you drinking and smoking and I don't do a good Gimli but that's what he says it's hard you know Gimli is doing Treebeard's voice too right yeah it's impressive

I'm a big guy I rewatched the movies not too long ago I rewatched two of them fell asleep before I saw the third you missed the best one I was getting late you know

not 2am late like 5am late it was late like pyro puncher late I watched Predator again the other day I re-watched that at least probably once a month I watched Predator I fucking love the Predator

I swear to God. Like Schwarzenegger, Jesse the Body Ventura, Carl Weathers. That's a badass fucking movie. It's so goddamn good. I love it. They're riding in on that helicopter. They're playing Little Richard. Fucking the Body Venturas over there with that red

man chewing tobacco. Offering it to everybody. Nobody wants it. It's a bunch of flat-jawed faggots. Fucking eating that stuff. Everybody's so mad. You lose it here and you're in a world of hurt. It's payback time.

This place makes Cambodia look like Kansas. Yeah, these are all quotes. His black buddy buddy who i suspect being his lover perhaps in the movie like he he's like he's like time to let old painless out the bag and and jesse like unfurls his minigun he's like he's like yeah that's old painless the minigun i love that fucking movie it's so sick he's walking around the goddamn jungle with a minig, the minigun. I love that fucking movie. It's so sick. He's walking around the goddamn jungle with a minigun.

A minigun. The gun itself weighs like 50 pounds. And the ammo is going to weigh 150. It's a couple hundred. It's outrageous. It's a huge backpack full of lead, brass, and copper. It's heavy as fuck. It's outrageous for him to walk around with it.

I love that movie, though. So good. Well, there's 30 seconds left until four hours. Would you guys like to hear a joke? No. Yes, I would. A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff. Bottom.

I wanted a joke. I followed you to the men's room and watched you take a piss. That's what Steve Martin told the guy. That's not going to cut it as a joke in Trump's America. The sheep,

the drum, and the snake. It's time you liberal pussies learned to get a sense of humor. I'm so tired. I think our Jesse Ventura impressions are dead on. I hope there's more people out there who have heard him on radio shows in the past 15 years and know that that is a perfect Jesse Ventura. He's just this maniac who talks like that.

Talks about being off the grid in Mexico. He's just a nut. All his conspiracy theory mumbo jumbo. You know what I consider good gun control? When you shoot it and you shoot it again and it hits the same hole. Not bad that he said that.

He probably did. Probably did. Alright, ended on a high note. Let's do all of next week's show each of us as Jesse Ventura. Welcome to PKA episode 331.

Coincidentally, that is how many pounds I can bitch press. All right. PKA 319. I hope you guys enjoyed it. Yep.