Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #321

Episode Date: February 17, 2017

This week on PKA, Kwebbelkop is back and he shares some really awesome news and some terrible news! Kyle & Taylor are in Denver and they talk about Magic The Gathering, their adventures in Colorado and speaking of adventures, the police have to be called LIVE on air.

Not bad, not bad. PKA episode 321 with our guest Quibblecop, Kyle. Oh yes, we have many a sponsor tonight. A plethora of sponsors you might say. Jack Threads, MeUndies, Lyft, Seeso, 1-800-Flowers, Dollar Shave Club, and of course Creature Quest. We'll talk more about them later on in the show. There are of course links down in the description if you want to check them out now. You have some thirst for knowledge about Seeso or Lyft or one of the others. Check it out. But let's get right to it.

We have – I think you're my favorite recurring guest, if I'm being honest. We've got Quebble Cop. Stop it. We've got Quebble Cop. Thank you. Thank you. We've got Quebble Cop here. Yeah, good to have you back again.

I love having you on the show. As always, fun. I do too. Let me tell you why you're a good guest. You're a good guest because you're also a listener of the show and you're kind of up to date on everything. So it's almost like you've been on every show with us.

You're in on all the inside jokes. It's real smooth. I'm really building you up for all the fans who have never been around for a Queblecox show. You better live up to this. You bring the energy. Other shows, when they have a guest on they're not a guest host instead they're like a guest someone that gets interviewed you ask them about who they

are and what we might do a touch of that mostly we ask our fourth to be our fourth appear and not you know whatever tell me all about uh you know the drive over whatever the fuck people talk about so quill cop fits in because he knows the show and i like that like kyle was saying i i do my research you know i'm a professional so uh hey you wanted the first topic you want to talk about the youtube glitch yes yes so um so fill us in if we don't know anything about it pretend i'm totally ignorant about this okay okay imagine if you will so so yesterday um well this is relevant to us recording this um youtube um sorry my catch is walking my desk youtube reported a a glitch and and people found out about this so-called glitch oh my cat's jumping on my monitor one second. So there was this YouTube glitch where if you would subscribe you would gain one subscriber as always but now if you would press

unsubscribe you would lose two subscribers. Get out of here. Sorry. So you would lose two subscribers every time you unsubscribe. So what people would do is they would spam the subscribe and unsubscribe button and i think pewdiepie lost a million subscribers and some people went into negative subscribers yesterday so everybody was panicking and youtube is it fixed now i want to go around and look at the channels yes yes it's fixed. It's fixed. And it happened right on the cusp of that iDubbbz versus who? Nana Trudeau or whatever. Tana Mongeau. Tana Mongeau.

So what you would see is she dropped, I think, one and a half million subs. And then she got $750,000 back, I suppose. Oh, she got everything back. She gained a million and a half too. What if a bunch of people just unsubscribed that day? Do they just get put back on those lists? So YouTube tweeted about it. Sorry, I'm up to date.

It was purely a display on the page kind of error. It wasn't that they were losing who was subbed and who wasn't. It was just that they decremented that number by two instead of one. And, you know, that's all it was. So they just had to recount them and fix the number. I didn't pay much attention. I'm not, I don't know, I'm just not passionate about my sub count like I once was.

It is what it is. I remember back in the day, like, checking VidStatsX in, like, 2011 and being like, 206 subscribers today that's pretty good look at this guy triple digits not even barely in the triple digits like full force triple digits and then like fast forward to now and i'll be like god damn i've lost thousands in the past six months oh well you know to be honest i was gonna say if i was going up i might have more fun watching it you know whereas it is now just like ah shit i think it's pretty difficult

to change the momentum of a channel like you know if you're doing well you do well you can sort of keep writing that out if you're not doing well it's hard especially i think changing topics like i did is just not a recipe for success. So that's where I'm at. I don't think we ever explained to our broader audience here. See, we forget that not everyone is privy to PKN. They're not all patrons because they haven't went down below and signed up. So they get the show, the video from Patreon and from PKN and all that stuff.

So they don't know why me and Taylor are in new places. Me and Taylor are on a little vacation together out here in Colorado. We went with Kitty. It's her birthday week. Or maybe last day was her birthday week, and she wasn't able to celebrate it because of something conflicting. But this is when we're celebrating it. So we're in Denver having an interesting time.

It's been a lot of fun. It's been a lot of fun. It's been a lot of fun, yeah. It's been great. The first thing I noticed when I got picked up at the airport, and it's really obnoxious and it sounds piddling, is when you have almost all of your conversations with someone over digital mediums, their voice isn't exactly the same to the point that when Kyle, because I've only ever talked to Chiz over headsets,

and he sounded pretty much exactly the same, but there was something about Kyle's voice for like the first half hour where I was like almost expecting it to be like you turn around and I notice you're not blinking and then I look over and I'm like this isn't Kyle. You're not blinking either. Chiz isn't even moving. He's a doll. Who is this man

that's picked me up from the airport? I don't know. It's just weird little things like that that you notice. It's been a real fun time. It's a nice little place. Sorry, I stepped on you. It's been a nice place here. I like the house we got.

Went to the hockey game. We briefly touched on that during PKN. Kyle loved it. I watched him sign up for a men's league back in Georgia. He's doing it. He told me it's time for me to conquer this bitchy little ankle problem and just get it into line. I'm getting a surgery, actually. I have to get a surgery for my ankles to buff them up so that I can play.

But, yeah, we're going full force joining the men's league. It's going to be a lot of fun. Actually, though, we did go to a hockey game. I don't know. We were buying these tickets online and um i don't know we were all trying to decide like how much money do we want to spend on these tickets i guess and someone said i'd spend 150 a ticket and then i think that and then i was like oh but look for 30 more dollars this other ticket is just excellent it's so much better and then someone goes this 250 no someone goes this 300 ticket includes all the free beer and food a man can imbibe during a hockey game and i was like well shit how close are we lose money on this deal i was i was like well where are we sitting are like food tickets, but we got to get up in some box?

Because I don't feel like that's a legit experience. I guess that's the really fancy thing to do would be to get in a box. But I want to be close to the ice. That's the experience I wanted. And it's like, oh, yeah, you're sitting right behind the fucking Colorado Avalanche's bench. And I mean right behind it. Could you smell them? I could not smell them.

I'm sure you could if you tried. Because they didn't smell. I could smell them fucking i could not i'm sure you could if you tried yeah because they they they didn't smell i i could smell them no but i could have like reached over and like poked the coach in the head if i'd wanted to so we were uh we're in the second row that was available to even sit in and and there was only one seat in front of us and no one occupied that row so amazing seats and uh and a pretty good hockey game the uh the colorado avalanche from what i understand is like the shittiest fucking team in the NHL. And yet, with our presence in the building, they found a new record win streak at two. And I heard that either tonight, three in a row, that's their longest win streak of the year.

A lasting impact. I wish you'd go to a Flyers game. We need to talk about the pepsi center uh help fiasco there the uh so basically the way you like so uh the the tickets that we picked out i had sat in seats just like that at scott trade center the arena in st louis and the way it works there is you're not right down next to the ice you're the section right above but they deliver stuff to you and, like, booze and food. And you just say, I want fries and a swirly and whatever, and they'll bring it to you. Swirly, that's in the toilet. That's not a tasty beverage.

Whatever you get. Sounds good. And it was like that. And so I anticipated it being kind of like that. And so I get there. We all are walking in with the tickets, and I'm like, OK, well, I don't see where we should go. So I'm going to go talk to this gentleman. And so I found an old looking guy who seems like he knew his way around the Pepsi Center. And I asked him, like, you know, do you know where we're supposed to go to get our food and drinks?

I know where we can find our seats. And he was like he had a thick accent. It was like, you wait right here. I find you speak to him right over there. And then we go to immediately I look over at Kyle. And Kyle goes, and we just turn away like very politely, though. Like, thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Yep. Gotcha. For sure. Definitely. Enjoy that game from here, though. All right. See you. Then I found someone else, another old guy.

And I thought, like, this guy's old. He's worked here for a long time. Walked up to him. Even less helpful than the foreign gentleman. He knew nothing. I said, where did we go for our drinks and food? Oh, he acted like he knew. He was like, oh, just go around that corner there, and there's a big vestibule, and you go under there, and there's a fella, and you talk to him,

and that'll get your problem solved. And I was like, so you have no fucking clue. You're passing us off to a further person. You don't know how our tickets work. He had no idea. And he told us, go over here and go up the escalator. And it turns out, if we had gone over there and gone down the escalator, we would have immediately found where we were supposed to be.

We went over, went up the escalator to a different club section, and I basically... Oh, a much better club section. i basically a much better club section it was a very elite club section where it's really expensive to get in and we didn't have tickets for that and there were two elderly gentlemen guarding the door $300 does not get you one of these no not into these and i walked in there and i with such frustration and i guess some kind of aggravated confidence that i was like i got got these tickets. I spoke to two gentlemen downstairs and they instructed me to come up here. So we're going to go in there and they like check the tickets.

And clearly, like it wasn't the right kind of ticket. But I just walked in and Kyle walked in and, you know, Chiz walked in. And I had to go back and grab Katie from the fucking ticket guys because they weren't having that. They got their confidence back and were like, oh, yeah's in too she's in too yeah and then we got her got him through and I walk up to the guy who's in the the counter way past it so I could talk to this concierge the club concierge guy he if he doesn't know we've gone to the top and there's no one else to speak to and so I give this guy the tickets and and I was like, I explain the situation. I bought these online.

I get free booze and food. Tell me where to go and get my free booze and food. And he was like, bought these online, did you? Yeah, I don't know how to say it, but, you know, there's one of them born every minute, and you probably got scammed here. minute and you probably got scammed here and I was in my head about to make a scene until I had the image

of like this is the first day of the trip and I'm like they're all going to judge you so hard if you lose it on an old I wanted you to come unglued and I was like let the hate flow through you

this is where you guys need me I will put the help in line see that guy needed to be put in line because I was like, I'm not going to do that. Let the hate flow through you. This is where you guys need me. I will put the help in line. See, that guy needed to be put in line because I was fucking furious. We went back down there. What did he say about his grandma? No, he said another – he had two comments. He said something about his grandma's dead, so everybody's got problems, right? Oh, no, no, no, wait.

That was it. He goes – I was like, yeah, here, where's my ticket? And he's like, yeah, you know, it sucks. There's one born every minute. You might have got scammed. Basically calling me a sucker for those of you who aren't putting two and two together. And then he was like, well, my mom died.

And so, you know, that sucks too. And I wanted to be like, well, at least she has a spot in the Guinness Book of World Records because you're 82. So there's no fucking way your mom just died. You're an 82 year old fucking ticket taker. Like if an 82 year old person bitches to me about their parent dying

i don't give a fuck i don't fucking care not even a little bit not even a little bit oh your parents you made it to 82 and then you're dead or your mom died you know how many people don't make it at all like oh fuck you this has nothing to do with my tickets by the way we're at a hockey game and then i was i was furious feeling scammed and so we went back down and we found someone no no finished tell the mistake that we made in between this like like first of all that guy who was a smart ass to taylor completely fucking wrong we should have went and found him and be like hey you're a fucking asshole dummy like like see this this is the lexus club this is where we go we should have done that but we we had too much beer in our hands to get to be angry but we go down there and we were like oh man we got to pay for our own food

and drinks so we all like pay for food and drinks i spent 24 on six chicken tenders it was they were disgusting and then you know we taylor bought us a round of beer as some sort of apology for like misreading the tickets, and we're all drinking our beers kind of sad, and then some lady comes down. He bought you a round of free beer, though. He had to purchase it, because we couldn't figure out these tickets. He had to purchase it at this point, because this is immediately

after Asshole Concierge. Four people have shut us down at this point. I thought you went from Asshole Concierge to Proper Place. No, four people have shut us down with these tickets at this point, so we just buy booze buy food we get in our seats and uh taylor and chiz go to get more beer more beer another round for each of them and some lady comes down and she says hi um have you been to the lexus club yet and i'm like i don't know and she's like if you had been you would know she's like here take this card and it's

instructions like literal like walking instructions and on how to get to the place and the rules and regulations for it so they come back with like god knows what they spent on two beers each like another 30 dollars yeah 24 ounces and 30 dollars later they show up and i'm like hey look we get free everything we just got to go to this other place and so we found the place and the rule yeah you pick up there yeah so basically that's when i started like i felt so fucking bad about it like up until we found out that we were correct the whole time and when he finally was like do you go here like i had a serious like quandary being like all right well i want to go back up and have another conversation with the concierge man up there showing my lexus club thing and be like you were an asshole can i talk

to your superior you weren't helpful to a high-paying customer you like apples how you like these apples yeah how you like them apple you know you'll be joining your mother soon you old codger oh but okay i wouldn't say that probably but i didn I didn't go up in upstairs because I didn't have tickets there, and it was amazing that I barged in the first time, so I couldn't get back. But I just felt so good to be vindicated there, to go into the Lexus Club and be like, yes, I wasn't rused out of it. There was no ruse-man on the other side of my ticket-buying, cackling-away thing. There's no Lexus Club at the Toyota Center.

Or whatever fucking thing. Pepsi Center yeah it was it was overall it was got much much better after that the abs ended up winning which was nice uh we got to see a couple of huge hits which was great some really aggressive yes nobody got hit by the puck which was a very we were fucking vigilant like like he mentioned it and and i recalled like oh yeah you have to be wary of the puck and uh and sure enough about like 30 seconds later maybe two minutes later whatever a puck into the end of the fucking crowd and like hit somebody in the second row and i'm like shit we're in like the fourth row you know if there were rows in front of us instead of players like god damn we really be vigilant here. Three pucks went in the crowd in that game.

And I don't think anyone got injured. But it would really suck to eat that fucking puck in the teeth or something. That would be... That would ruin your day. That would be worse than never even finding out about the Lexus Club. Actually, you know what? I'd rather one of you get hit than me not find out about the Lexus Club. And I need that validation.

I would have felt like such an asshole if it was just useless tickets that some guy charged five i honestly didn't think it was that big of a deal that there was no free beer and and and uh and food like when you you felt so bad you were you were like i'm so i think you felt like we thought that you were stupid like like you should have been able to look closer somewhere and see through this. But you also just felt really bummed out that we'd all spent so much money on the tickets and we didn't get what we wanted. God damn. They spent way too much money on this. And I didn't care.

And I honestly didn't care. I was like, just the seat alone is worth the price because they really were so excellent that you could see the spray of ice coming off. Every now and then they would pass the puck and it would be midair right next was fluttering and we'd see it go you know we were excellent seats like i you said you'd never had seats that good right um i've never sat that close to the bench before like to the players bench i don't even think that close to the ice because it was literally two rows. Well, you know how it is. Those first two rows right up next to the ice aren't always that great, but the two that are right by

the bench are elevated a little bit so you get better vision down. But yeah, those were great seats. I've never had seats. I went to a Stanley Cup game, actually, and it was the Canes against the Red Wings. It was the Red Wings the red wings i sat behind there was the red wings people and then me and uh it was a long game it may be like double overtime

or triple overtime and as it went on it was like god like the red wings really stink now that they're not bad at hockey they just smelled bad like all their equipment smelled bad it's like till they have equipment managers that like handle this and and their bo was wafting breeze guy yeah throughout like the crowd and everything and that's why i asked because it really made an impression on me just how bad an nhl team smells a few overtimes in it's exactly that's exactly what you said it's two rows behind and something else that's a little annoying is seeing all the athletes right there, all the players, is you can't hide behind the feeling anymore. Like if you're up in the stands a bit, you can be like,

ah, look at Landis Gog right there carrying the puck. He's a – what a man. What an adult guy. Surely older than I. Can I interrupt this? Because I want to sort of examine what this feeling that you have that you're about to get at comes from. Because I think it's that you're getting a little bit

older. Getting a little bit longer in the tooth. Because I don't notice the things. You keep pointing this out and to me it's just like yeah, that's how old professional athletes are. But to you it's like shit. Those professional athletes are younger than me as a matter of

fact that one looks like a child he doesn't even have a man's beard you know in the odyssey like in the odyssey uh you know uh odysseus's son was a man when he could grow a beard like like like that hockey player wouldn't even qualify to like fight for to be he couldn't even challenge for odysseus's seat he's not he doesn't even have a man fight for, to be, he couldn't even challenge for Odysseus to see he's not, he doesn't even have a man's beard. Like they're literally like high school kids out there with like hunt multi hundred thousand dollars, maybe multimillion dollar contracts,

like fucking skating around so goddamn fast at the highest level with like, but then I see this guy who had like a bit nose, like it like immediately crooked down who like, he was like 40 out there and he was getting a ton of minutes like he was out there all the time and and i noticed when he would come back he would never be out of breath he had it was crazy he would he was never out of breath he never came back like taylor a lot of the guys would come back so winded is it your recognition that you're not going to be a pro athlete like is that part of it because i remember that stage in

my life i never thought i'd be like for like in my heart of hearts i never thought i to be a pro athlete. Like, is that part of it? Cause I remember that stage in my life. I never thought I'd be like for like in my heart of hearts, I never thought I'd be a professional athlete really. And so I don't think it's that it's more just realizing like, holy shit. Like these people have done a lot with their lives by the time they're 22 or whatever. It's like that guy is 23 years old, you know, a few years younger than me, and he's played 350 games in the NHL. And it's like, God damn it. I'm not even going to play one game in the NHL. I had a different – so when I was – I talk about swimming a lot. It was a big part of my young life, but I didn't actually do it that long.

I started swimming my senior year in high school. And like before the – like in the first day of practice, they put me in what they called the squid lane. It was with all the people. They really sucked, right? Like fat kids, kids would never swam before. Like I didn't know anything. I'm at swim practice. My shorts have pockets in them and shit. Like I had no idea, like anything. And, um, I don't know, maybe six weeks later, I'm the fastest guy on the team. And,. And by the end of the season in high school, I had two school records, right? So like I took to it really, really quickly. And then by the end of my freshman college year, I had a school record in college too.

And like I used to daydream about being an Olympic swimmer. It was probably towards the end of my freshman year that I realized like, you know what? Like you're doing well, but you're not tracking toward Olympian you know like like there is a huge gap between what I had accomplished and what Olympians accomplished by the time they're 1920 and uh it was like well this kind of sucks you know like I I'm just not hitting that goal and I thought maybe Taylor was going through the same thing like oh I'm 25 and uh scores goal. And I thought maybe Taylor was going through the same thing. Like, oh, I'm 25, and the score's kind of posted. Never going there.

Yeah, it's a little of that, and then it's more just that it's hammered home how young they are. Because if it's a whole team of young guys, it's kind of like, all right, I probably look about their age, like maybe. And in some cases, even younger. Because some of those guys, like I'll look at their ESPN picture, and it'll be a guy with like a big scar on his face and like a full beard. And he'll say like Igor Veslevsky from Moscow, Russia.

I'm like, man, this guy, whoo, he looks like a tough motherfucker. And I'll check and I'll be like, born December 5th, 1999. Like, no, that can't be true. Like, I am a 90s kid, kid you know like whatever he would say but yeah it was more seeing jerome mcginley out there who's almost 40 years old the guy kyle was referring to next to the young guys because it's like that's jerome mcginley he's a guy that i knew growing up watching the league and i always thought about him and now it's like that guy's like fucking old as shit like if i he's a guy i just would see at the bank or if i went to the dentist i'd like look down and be

like oh i hope i don't have to wait behind that guy like i wouldn't even look like an athlete anymore i like old hockey players they're like the thing about old hockey players is uh they use their energy at the right moments in the game to still be effective like i watched brett hall towards the end of his career he played for for St. Louis for a long time. Oh yeah. And at the end of his career as a red wing, like he was still scoring a ton. He was a really effective player.

He was obviously hitting the hall of fame, but he wasn't buzzing up and down the ice with every gosh darn play. You know, he was like, you know what? This is a situation where the winger doesn't really have to get there right now. I'll be right there.

I'm saving my energy for the third period. And they were just smart that way. Chris Chelios, you know, he played until, what, 47 years old? Does that sound right to you? Not 40. Actually, yeah, it might have been 47. Because he played until he was retardedly old. Yeah.

And hockey time is over. Still very effective. That's a full, way too fucking long. All right, all right, all right. I'll take it, I'll take it. Anyway, I think it's neat to watch the older players play smarter. So I would open this up if anyone has it. I have a topic, unless no one else has another one.

I was going to talk about the goal. I have a bunch, but I like it when other people bring topics. So I'll save mine. We drove some go- When did we do go-karts? Yesterday? We went to this go-kart place called Unser Racing. If anyone wants to look it up and see what this place is, it's U-N-S-E-R. This isn't a plug

or anything. We went to this place called Unser Racing and did some go-kart racing. It was so extreme. I think it was $60 for three races. It was so extreme that my girlfriend got knocked out, not unconscious, but she was knocked out of the

racing experience. She was knocked silly. She got hit and it jostled her and so she had a terrible headache, but then I think she said the combination of the fumes, because they're gasoline indoor and the tight turns was making her dizzy. So she's ready to throw up, and she checked the fuck out. They refunded her ticket price, but the rest of us, those were the fastest go-karts I've ever been on.

I've never been on go-karts that fast. been on i've never been on go-karts that fast um they were going i didn't think it was going to be that fun going into it because i'd only ridden go-karts that you see like next to the bumper boats pool and adjacent to the mini golf and i just kind of pictured it like that and these like immediately accelerating like like my my my modus operandi and go go karts is what's a break why do i need a break this thing's not going to go fast enough that i could get hurt it's inconceivable and so like the first real lap i was playing by those rules and these gas carts to the point that i was like going so fast around the corner i was like are other people doing this like there's no way like this is fucking scary like i'm just like skipping out to the side as the wheels

stutter uh like i i hit chiz so fucking hard in the side of his car it was totally an accident totally an accident but i thought he was going to jump out and want to fist fight me because he was taking a turn and i was taking a turn and i've been following him i was tracking my prey and i was like chiz tends to take big, sweeping, kind of Tokyo drifting turns, and I was like, I bet I can get right tied in around that corner and whip it real quick, get away from him, and take the lead. And so I tried that, and Chiz must have noticed me because at the last second he cut his turn sharper,

and I completely T-boned him, going whatever speed those go, if you haven't touched the brake, in a minute, in like a minute, a solid minute. And I hit him so hard that his whole thing tipped up and then came back down. And I ran into my belt so hard that my collarbone area is bruised. I just, whoa, just it was so hard. And he looked over at me, and i could only see through his eyes

like this amount just the like the fury the fury that he had that he felt at me in that moment of was like i fucking hate you i wish you were dead i wish you broke your neck in this collision like he was so mad but he took it he took it well in the end we did oh yeah it was a blast we did the same thing for like the woody craft team building thing and same experience like immediately you recognize like holy smokes these are dangerous i had no idea there'd be any danger involved you know i i thought you could just lay on the gas the whole way worst case scenario is you just sort of gently slide into a wall no no like there were people in our not in our group not not that work for me but in another group because like we'd go and then they'd go, and we'd alternate.

Guy flipped upside down, landed on his head in the tires, because the track is defined. And then in between the curves were just all these old tires. He's upside down, hanging from his five-point harness with his head in a tire. Like, the fuck? You know? Get out!

Yeah, he hit the side of the wall like terrible into the yeah like did they refund his money because if i didn't get like a token or something i'd be pretty upset he kept going yeah they got his car they put it back in they let go and and yeah so they that's what they did but it i was surprised how dangerous was. And the other thing was, in our group anyway, it seemed like who did the best had a lot to do with weight. And I don't know if you guys found the same thing. It wasn't. Heather Gamertag. Not as big of a difference as I would have thought.

She crushed everybody because she weighs like 85 pounds. She just had the hardest time. And some of the guys that were close were me. And we had a light guy he was like 16 but he didn't drive so he had like not much talent and whereas i drive every day and i was heavier so we were close and uh but yeah so anyway but it was too weight dependent that was the one thing i wish i didn't find that to be the case here um our times were all fairly similar i think taylor had the best average time maybe but like

it's like the the record for the for all time at that place was like a 29.3 lap and we were all run our best laps were all around 33 seconds so they were we were like a full three to four seconds behind like the track record we uh when we were waiting to go on our last run they were having like a championship run or something where the previous people who had won their little events came out there and they had their their racing and it became apparent like like when you watch them get set up it's like oh woohoo like championship i bet this is just like when you take the because they line up laser tag squad right right like it's not gonna matter they started out and immediately

you could tell whoever this fucking guy was that earned his spot into first place. He got there for a reason. He must come back every day for championship time. He's got his own helmet and fireproof suit. Are these the seven guys today? Are these the seven guys? All right, nice to meet you guys.

Won't see you tomorrow. All right. And then he gets there and he not like it was a boring race to watch because he took so much of a lead he was lapping people by the end when he won that he did a lap with the checkered flag and he's like he's really proud he was waving that thing like richard petty out there or something he was loving it um i found it interesting that like the championship thing like when we race they like a guy like kicks open a gate and he's like, all right, go, don't go too fast because you need to let the whole field get in and you don't want to crash into anybody.

Go. And they don't care. But with their thing, they did a NASCAR rolling start where everyone was lined up in the middle of the track in a certain formation, and they all got going slower, and then they got faster and faster. And the flags were confusing to me because i didn't pay attention at all in the class that took place before all i queued in on was don't hit people because they said it so many times and they threatened you legally so much that i was terrified of hitting someone and so on my first lap maybe two laps i was i was going like

zero contact like whatever if it meant i lost a place, you know, so be it. Not touching anybody. And then I saw somebody get nailed so goddamn hard that they spun twice, and nobody said shit. And then I bumped somebody, and it was really advantageous to me. I, like, boxed them out. And it even seemed to, like, I could, you know, you can feel your momentum. It felt like I carried I took a little of their momentum with me and I

was like I ramped it up lap after lap the amount of contact that I was comfortable with on that particular racetrack until they were like waving these like warning flags and signs that said no contact and pointing at me

you no contact because i just gave no shits it's because you went from like courteous driver to just totally wacky races like over the course of like 15 minutes to where you are you know running into people in the side boxing them out they didn't i think we both and now other people besides us got black flagged they uh they said the black flag was uh they so first of all anyone out there who has a go-kart place and you're making a series of flags that have meanings you can't have seven different colors of flags and expect us to remember oh many flags that's like it was in the in the orientation she started taking these flags out and was like this is the white flag when this is

waved it means that you are this is the yellow flag we'll wave this at the beginning telling you it's a slow lap when the white one goes yes it's seven flags i wasn't exaggerating and and by the end like like the first time they wave a black flag at me i'm like oh shit like is that a congratulations is that a don't do what you just did is that a final lap i don't know just keep going and see what happens black flag it got to the point that i saw no black flag means hey you watch it like don't okay don't bump into people at one point kyle was in front of me and they pointed at him to uh stop running into people but they also held the sign that said let people pass make your mind up asshole

apparently they're frowned upon one guy just like mean mugging everybody else it's like wave the flag pass thing and Kyle was fucking not having any of it and it was a little funnier because I was the guy they were waving the flag and I was going to be like, yeah, Kyle, come on, let me pass. But

they waved that and they had to hold two dry erase signs at the same time towards Kyle as they pointed at him that said like, don't hit other people and let him pass. I was pushing it as far to the edge and to the limit of what

was allowed at that track for maximum fun. I had so much fun. Like, there was – I hit – there were a couple characters out there who seemed to be driving really aggressively. Now, I was driving aggressive, but mostly on my own. Like, the main card I got was stop sliding out. They said it, like, four times in a row, and I just kept sliding out because I wanted to. Because I'm trying to find – I'm trying to find the optimum way to take this turn. And so I'm

pushing it to the limit of what I think it can do. And it spins out every single time. And after four spin outs, I found a perfection at the end of the fifth. But I lost my train of thought. You were having a good time? Other people were more aggressive? Oh, I hit people hard.

There were a couple guys who were actually driving aggressively. And I swear to God, it was the Asian guy. The Asian guy was so bad at fucking driving. He spun out, and all he had to do, Woody, was turn the wheel this much. Like, all right, this is straight. This is, like, straight ahead. He had to go and push the gas, and his car would have went and left and gotten the fuck out of my way.

And I'm screaming at him, turn the wheel and go! Turn the wheel and go! And I'm six feet away from this guy. He's like right in front of me. And he's going until someone comes and manually drags him out of my fucking way. And I felt like I was doing well at that point because we're racing for time. We're all trying to beat that tiny little Tanya chick who weighs 120 pounds and is a good driver it's the

way heather weighed like 85 pounds and she's a good driver but i felt like she just completely denied that weight played any role in it like if you stacked how fast everybody was you could also stack them by weight and get the same answers yeah and uh and heather was so much lighter and it made such a difference in these little go-karts but she was like no it's because i'm good it's because i'm really good you're 85 pounds you're 85 pounds you know like i can see all your ribs through your shirt through your skin you're translucent um so yeah go go karts were fucking fun it was a little shame that my girlfriend got just absolutely destroyed and had to like sit there and watch

all teary eyed while we raced because she was so shaken up by the ordeal but we got her money back you know for her races and she told me that I was like credited like some free races so maybe if I come back I get to do that because I really enjoyed that those are the coolest go karts I've ever been on you can try those i mean you don't live near here but maybe

you can try those tokens at dave and busters i don't think that they will work there i don't think that's how that works there's one out in wildwood i'm pretty sure that it'll work no i never mind i don't know why don't you let go of the concept a bit yeah we're talking a lot about our own stuff uh it's fine It's fine. It's fine. Do you play Magic? Do I know Magic? Do you play Magic? The game Magic the Gathering?

Oh, no, no, no. But I'm familiar with it. We'll talk about it later. All right. Or we could talk about it now. Oh, my God. No, I'm kidding. You guys go for it.

What's new with you, Gobblemica? A lot of stuff. A lot of good stuff, but also some really bad news. Oh. Do you want me to start with the good news or the really bad news? The bad news. Really bad news. Start with the good news. I hope bad news outvoted.

I voted bad news. I voted bad news. So, unfortunately, three days ago, my dad passed away. Oh, I'm so sorry. That's terrible. Oh, my God. I thought the bad news would be way funnier. No, it is really bad news.

Oh, I'm so sorry, man. Oh, yeah. You had a complex relationship with your father, right? Yes, yes. I remember, I don't know if it was the last time i was on the show or the one before that we watched the the video uh where i went to see him again and uh three days ago a long time right like i i hadn't seen him in seven years and then um about 14 months ago i went to see him again, and I filmed everything, and I went with my sister. And he had something in his brain, pretty much.

He was paralyzed, and he had to learn to walk again. So he kind of got better. He wasn't the same dad as before. I'd say he was a 5 out of 10, as in how I remembered my dad before that. What do you mean by that? Was he nice and meaner? No, no, no. As in he wasn't there anymore, right? He was confused.

He wasn't able to talk properly. He wasn't able to walk properly. He just didn't feel like it was your dad. Well, I still knew it was my dad, but he was just, like I saw he was sick, right? I saw he wasn't functioning properly. So he eventually got a lot better, still not perfect and then he went back to Cambodia the country where he was for the past six seven years where he has a new family or had a new family and then he got another brain thing so he wasn't able to walk anymore he wasn't able to you know hold his pee anymore

he got sicker he got another brain tumor yes well it wasn't a tumor it was like a bleeding or another like it it's it's it's like a vein in your in your in your head right when the aneurysm i think i think that's the correct word i'm not familiar with the english one um yeah so he got his second one or a third one but it was like really really bad so um like obviously we had we we were talking to him when he was over there and i said you know what like in cambodia health care is terrible we're gonna fly you out to the netherlands right because that's where the health care was is really good in the netherlands um so we got a doctor to fly him out to the Netherlands, which for some reason is really expensive

if you want to get a doctor to fly a patient out. So we flew him out to the Netherlands where he got hospitalized again and turns out he had like a wound on his lower back and Some other things going on with him And then I went to see him again. I like I made a youtube video about it And that was four months ago and then in the past four months his his health got really really bad Like he he was wasn't able to talk anymore uh he was very very confused um he barely recognized my sister who went to see him i think on a weekly basis i moved to spain which is the good news which i'll get into in a second um and um and then I think six days ago I got a call from my sister and she said

you know like our dad's health is just declining it's it's it's getting worse and worse and worse and worse he's not gonna live much longer on top of that he's pretty much this close to going into a coma. He's not able to communicate with the outside world anymore. So the doctor suggested that we would pretty much end it there. So obviously me and my sister, we talked about it with my dad back when he was still able to talk. We said, you know, like, what do you want us to do when you're in a position where you're not able to, you know, make the decision yourself anymore if you want to live? And unfortunately, me and my sister, we had to go and green light the doctor's advice, which was to pretty much overdose him on morphine.

And then in the next day or two, he would not get any food anymore and not be hydrated enough to live. And he passed away three days ago and yesterday he got or this morning actually he got cremated i think that's a correct word um and uh yeah that's i'm really terrible hang on hang on that's some shit news yeah this is the heaviest i've ever gotten you came in and you're like good good news, bad news, guys. And then we were just like, well, bad news first. Let's get that out of the way.

And you're like, well, wow, I didn't expect you to drop that on us. That is terrible. I was sincerely expecting bad news. Accidentally ate a couple more cookies and never had to vaccine them. I meant real, real bad news. How long did you know that he was terminal?

Like, did you know six months ago that he was probably going to continue in one direction? Or was it just six days ago? So 14 months ago-ish, 15 months ago, when I was talking to my dad, we were just having a full-on open conversation. You know, he used to be a doctor himself. And he said, you know, I'm super lucky that i managed to survive this first wave um but if it's gonna happen again it's going to be terminal you know it's it's gonna end and that's gonna be the end so we were kind of prepared for it but obviously it's it's still really hard and then you're like oh he's starting to talk again maybe he's gonna make it um was

there when you spoke to him or you said you spoke to him with your sister in the past about you know what he would want done if you know uh euthanasia or whatever it is yeah uh was when you were talking about that with him were you like totally okay just being like all right you know i respect what you want or were you kind of feeling almost like well no like like i don't want to be put in that position a little bit no no i i was totally okay with it um obviously my dad was a doctor himself and he knew like you know if if it happens again it's it's not gonna like he just wants to go you know yeah well the fact that he was a doctor he probably had a way more realistic view of it as opposed to someone who's not a doctor who could be like hey you know hope's coming back but let's let's all pray and maybe you'll make it

right yeah but he's a doctor and so he's like no i see the writing on the wall as a family member what do you think is tougher to live through like the long slow decline that he had or the one day you wake up and he's gone well so i think the the very long very long uh slow decline which i think a year and a half is it's pretty long uh pretty much a year and a half um it was very hard for me um but right now i'm super relieved that it's over. I'm super relieved that... What do you think the optimum amount of warning that a loved one is going to die would be? There's got to be

a sweet spot where it's not so long. There's got to be a sweet spot where there's enough time left to tie up all the loose ends and like, yeah, Dad, you've never seen the Grand Canyon, or Grandma. Don't you want to go back to where you and Grandpa met back after the war ended in New York? Don't you want to go there one more time?

You could do shit like that. I feel like at least a month, right? If you had a month and a half, maybe. Maybe two weeks to plan and a month to do it, and then it's all over. This is, of course, assuming that this isn't a disease that like you know when there's two weeks left to go you're not in the mood to be enjoying any you know vacations or bucket list stuff i guess that's what i'm talking about is fulfilling bucket list items oh man it's so so that's so that's some heavy shit man how dare you drop that on us? Thanks, guys. I'm really sorry to hear that.

It makes sense what you're saying when you said you feel relief, too, because it's the relief for yourself in that it's all finally over. You've had this looming over your head. And the relief for him that you know he wasn't enjoying his quality of life there. If you're a doctor and you still have all your same mental faculties, but you can't talk and you can't do that stuff anymore, that's got to be just horrible. Not just if you're a doctor and you still have all your same mental faculties but you can't talk and you can't do that stuff anymore that's got to be just horrible not just to be a doctor if you're anyone exactly he was so far gone that we couldn't even ask him the question of do you want you know do you want to be euthanized or however you say that you nailed it um and and like when you know a doctor is that far gone right then pretty much the only option is to you know end it end it for him and especially because he told me

and my sister about it um we were very relieved that we didn't have to make the choice without being able to talk um to talk about him with it because of course we said okay let's do it but for at first we were like are we making the right decision of course pretty much murdering someone or are we helping him and everybody so far who went to visit him said you guys made the right decision you put him out of his misery pretty much and and I like I said I feel relief because the biggest problem was to see him get worse and worse and worse. And for him to pop back into my life and to think, oh, he can be gone next week, right? So many times I've had where I was like, okay, I'm super sad now.

And then finally I'm over it. And then a month later, more bad I'm super sad now. And then finally I'm over it. And then a month later, more bad news comes in and stuff. So right now I'm super happy. A friend of mine just went through the same process, but with his mother. And in America, we don't have euthanasia like that. I don't think so anyway. Maybe some states. Some states do.

Yeah. I think Washington has it. Or maybe it's Oregon. Maybe it's oregon maybe it's oregon but i would say throughout most of america we don't have that kind of nice od on morphine what we have is pull the plug and they get a really rough ride on like well they starve to death yeah which was it which was the same with my which was the same with my dad but they gave him morphine to go into a coma pretty much. And then you're not in a dream state and then you just pass away. They were doing something. It's not hostess or

hostel. Maybe it's hostel. Hospice. Thank you. That's what I'm going for. They were doing hospice at his house and they had a nurse come by and they give the family a tray of drugs. And they're like, this is for this, and this is for that. And they were injecting her and stuff, like if she was having a particularly tough time. But they laid it out for them in code how to euthanize her. They're like, look, this is the morphine. You see this?

And there's like 16 vials of morphine or something ridiculous. They're like, we don't inventory the morphine. We really don't pay attention to how if things get rough or if you decide that, you know, it's time. This is where the morphine is. And we don't pay attention to how much of it you use. And just in code, they laid out that the family could do exactly what your doctors did. Yeah. So what a lot of people also do,

they go on a trip to Switzerland, and then there it's legal to do it, and then you can end it there. Have you ever heard Doug Stanhope's whole bit about euthanasia and his mother? Oh, yeah. Yeah. All right. The statute of limitations.

You might remember. Yeah, it's a hilarious bit. So if you've never heard it, just go listen to it right now. Pause this. Go listen to it. Come back. Doug Stanhope, Mother, Euthanasia. That'll get you there.

Basically what Doug Stanhope tells a comedic story about is his mother is dying, and they decide when to kill her. He's like having a conversation. She's at home in hospice. It's that sort of hospice care where she's at home and someone comes to her. And they have the dose, the death dose there. They actually had way more than needed.

And they decided when they would do it and he was like, oh, you don't want to ruin football, so don't do it on that day. And so they worked it all out and basically, you know, his mother did one after another. And I think she was drinking the vials. She just drank the morphine because you can just drink it too rather than shoot it so she just drank like many vials of morphine the way i recall it she she drifts off she dies it's very beautiful

the way he explains it and then he reveals that he used all of her credit cards to like like he maxed them all the fuck out and all all the ridiculous shit he bought for himself. And he goes, you know what the best part of that is? Statute of limitations, motherfuckers. It was a long time before I could tell this joke. Yeah, that was the end of the joke. He's like, five years for credit card fraud. Statute of limitations.

Very good. Very good. Well. Oh, you had good news of course well i was i was waiting to share the good news yes um so the good news is well last time i spoke about my girlfriend now ex-girlfriend and you guys said well you can get better you can do better jordy you can do better Geordie. You can do better global cup, right? So so I went out well I ended up working up with the lady for various reasons and

I went to LA III and I met this gorgeous girl Who I'm now living together with Who is 10 out of 10, just saying. Is she Spanish? You're in Spain. No, she is Macedonian who lives in, or who's born and raised in Canada. How exotic. Wait, what's a Macedonian?

That's like, you remember studying the fucking... Ah, the Israelites hated them. I think you got a real beef with the Hebrews, if I remember correctly. Oh, I wouldn't know. The Canaanites, that's who you don't want to mess with. The Macedonians are okay, though. Woody's Googling it.

That's awesome, dude. I am. That is great news. Yeah, congratulations. Macedonian, that's right. I'll link it. I'm bragging, full on bragging over here. You know how pretty my girlfriend is.

And on top of that, okay, so I have to say, you know, I went to a party. You see a beautiful girl there. It's a 21-year-old single ready to mingle. You know what I mean? So I started talking to her, and then I realized, oh, wait, she's not just pretty. She's actually really smart, too. She has her like she did university, like a chemistry degree or something. Did one year of med school, has her own YouTube channel.

And then I was like, you know what? Let me use my charms. Get Oscar out on a date. She has excellent charms from what I can see she looks great in a bikini oh wait I didn't see that one just click load more can I share this on the show

or is this a private link there's pictures of bubblegum on here yeah so it's been good and well eventually it was a long-distance thing. And I said, hey, do you want to come to Spain with me? Because I was moving to Spain for six months.

I said, you can come over and you can leave whenever you want to leave. So far it's been four months and she's decided she doesn't want to leave. So that's all good. Because of the implication. So that's been going great um and i've been living here for four months now in a really big villa in spain four and a half thousand square feet i had to convert it gracious that's a big you are rolling in dough how is it different than your home like are you liking it more less or just too different to even compare it's it's it's way too different uh the first thing i really like is of course having a really

big house it's nice um and the weather is all it's always super nice weather so that was the reason i wanted to go here to be able to first of all get away from all the fans that came to my house um or that were on the streets in general um and now right here i'm just a low-key nobody knows me which i kind of like with blending in into the spanish culture um and no fans come to the house which is also nice it's just really relaxing because i've i've never had a holiday in the past four years that I've done YouTube. I was like, I'm just going to go on a six-month holiday and work my ass off. Go on a six-month

holiday and just work. 4,500 square feet. I live in a big place too. Do you have a separate closet? I can fit a bike in there. Yes, I can. I can drive in circles, finally. Nice. We have a closet in there yes i can and i can drive circles finally nice we have um we have a closet that's closer to the kitchen with socks and hoodies and stuff that you might grab later just because walking all the way to the other closet yeah like that's

exercise we have yeah we do we do we're like ah because i don't wear socks like all over the house and everything and and when i'm ready to go outside, we have a sock and hoodie and hat and stuff. I should do that. I should just have socks in every room. So if my feet get cold, I'll just grab some socks. But yeah, like I said, we have two living rooms. I don't know why you would need two living rooms. We're renting this place, by the way.

So I didn't design it or anything any chance you're gonna stay in spain or are you for sure going back so the plan now is to go back to amsterdam for four months and to then maybe go to toronto where uh my girlfriend's from from uh for like two months and then we go back to spain as soon as it gets cold but we'll get a different place so it says live in Canada until it gets cold and yeah back yes pain that's it Amsterdam Canada or a Netherlands Canada and then back to a warm country that's living to life yes of course and and on top of that more good news the YouTube channel still going great and my best month ever in December, view-wise, I think 135 million views. Oh my God.

Wow, that's awesome. Yes. Yes. So I've been really grinding it out. I have a second channel now with a million subscribers, which is also good. What else? is also good um what else um i bought i think i bought five houses and then i managed to sell three and it's also great um yeah it sounds like we're playing monopoly right now i think about five times right monopoly in the hotel yes yes um and i'm now looking to buy um i'm saving up

and waiting for the project to go live so I can buy 10 or 15 apartments in this really big skyscraper. I just did the math on 135 million views as to what I think your profits are. Oh, in December. Dude. Dude. In December.

That's real money. It was the most amount of money I ever made in my life in uh one month until next month no it's january now well now last month the cpms are down yeah i haven't even uploaded a video like this so yeah really quick to for everybody that doesn't know how it works in december on youtube you get paid pretty much two to three times as much as a regular month. In January, it's about half

of what a regular average month is. January through March, right? Pick up in the next quarter. Yeah, January, February spikes up because of the Super Bowl. Then March, it starts to go up again so that was really good

like I said I was probably going to buy 10 apartments in this really big building and I released my first game you do good news bad news better than anyone ever you're like bad news my father died as a matter of fact I had to euthanize him.

Good news, I made several hundred thousand dollars last month, bought about, I'm not sure how many homes, half a dozen, let's call it. I got my own video game. This is my new beautiful girlfriend. I've moved her in. Very exotic, if you haven't noticed. And I'm renting a villa here in Spain.

Good news, bad news, better than anyone I've ever seen in my life. That tops it. You took me from feeling bad for you to immediately jealous and resentful in like maybe seven and a half minutes. You took me from this poor curly-headed fuck to

goddammit, what am I doing? You know how many houses I bought last month? Not a single one. Would you euphonize your father in exchange for the good news? That's the question. Do I get five houses? Can I do that? Yes.

I bet if I ran this by my dad, my dad's such a pragmatist, I'd be like, look, dad, here's the choice I've been given. I rub you out. I get five houses. Let's's such a pragmatist. I'd be like, look, Dad, here's the choice I've been given. I rub you out, I get five houses, let's call it half a million dollars, and my own video game. Who knows what that is? And I get this Macedonian girlfriend tacked on top for my... Oh, also a

Spanish villa. Come on, Dad, take one for the team. He'd be like, he'd be like, how big are the houses? I'm gonna sleep on it yeah you do what you gotta do son do what you gotta do yeah i don't want to see you coming though that's one of the things that's one of the things like um i think i'm in an amazing position to go through something like this i'm still very young well 21 years old obviously to lose your dad when you're 21 years old or a parent in general

is very tough but then again like i'm still living the life um i have my my my family supporting me my girlfriend supporting me with um with all this stuff and i i always say, if I read a mean comment on YouTube, like, oh, Jordy, you're clickbaiting again. You're a fucking shit. Stop yelling, blah, blah, blah. I just walk into my girlfriend's office, give her a kiss, you know, walk five minutes until I hit the kitchen

and then grab myself a little slice of pizza and then I sit down at the pool and I go and I read the comment again. I go like, ah, whatever, you know. So I'm like, I'm in an amazing position. Whatever happens, I'm still going to kill it. I'm only more motivated now. I always say I'm going to make my dad proud. I don't believe in the afterlife or anything, but

I think it's a nice symbolic thing to do or to say. To honor him by doing things that would make him proud. Well, this seems like a good segue, the euthanasia that is, into 1-800-Flowers. There's a lot of options when it comes to buying flowers for

Valentine's or a funeral or whatever, but there's only one rose authority, and that's why every year we keep coming back to 1-800-Flowers.com. 1-800-Flowers never fails to wow my girlfriend with their elegant and stunning bouquets. And right now, when you order a dozen multicolored roses for only $29.99, 1-800-Flowers will give you another dozen plus a vase absolutely free. That's 50% off the entire price. The original price, I should say. These breathtaking roses from 1-800-Flowers are picked at their peak and shipped

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go to 1-800-Flowers.com slash PKA. That's 1-800-Flowers.com slash PKA. Why wait to wow? Order right Go to 1-800-Flowers.com slash PKA. That's 1-800-Flowers.com slash PKA. Why wait to wow? Order right now with 1-800-Flowers.com. Valentine's Day is approaching very quickly. If you haven't done anything yet, you really need to pull the trigger on this right now.

Just do it and it's done. You won't have to procrastinate. You won't forget. Just do it and it's done. And everybody likes flowers. They smell nice. except for woody everybody likes flowers they smell they smell wonderful they they're festive they make you feel better studies have shown that pink with flowers in their home are healthier they have they have higher brain chemical levels that that uh that uh that make them happier yeah just told me that yesterday just like to be at me like, that's not true. Oh, look at those flowers.

Oh, who has those? I don't know if I missed the 1-800-Flowers ad. It took a minute. You hit it perfectly, right on the fucking head. Yeah. We keep our flowers outside on the porch, which is nice, and uh,

but they do look great. They really have to be in this place. Which is nice. But they do look great. Oh, I have... They really have to be in this place. Woody, Woody, Woody. Take a... Can you take these away? You can't... You can't understate the quality.

Oh, what are you doing? These are flowers. And another thing with flowers, it's not just for girlfriends or wives or whatever you've got out there. For Valentine's Day, you send your mom or your grandma some flowers. They won't expect it. So a million times more. And the next stupid thing they want you to do with them,

get out of jail free. They won't even ask you to it. Guaranteed. You have to sweeten him. And thenanteed. That's so sweet, Tim. And then if you say, I'm busy, they'll say, well, he still sent me flyers. There you go. Do that. Even if you're not in a relationship. I'm allergic to high quality and low prices.

Yeah, you're walking to a Walmart and have a seizure. Everyday low prices. Alright, so that's 1-800-Flowers. Check them out. It really is a great service. I love services like that that just totally take care of a holiday for you with one little flick, and that's them.

Yep. And while we're at it, let me tell everyone a bit about MeUndies. Now, I got the panties the other day. It was time for us all to get some more merch. I had a feeling about you. Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, you've seen me wear those panties before.

And I thought this time it would be good to get something for my girlfriend because I have so many pairs of Mionis that I just didn't need anymore. And they sent her the Valentine's Day set. So that stuff is really cool. And it feels, if it's even possible, it feels better than the boxers. They feel really, really cool and it feels I think if it's even possible it feels better than the boxers they feel really really soft and smooth yeah me and he's a great think about it underwear is the first thing you put on and the last thing you take off so why settle for anything less than the best feeling

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Perfect for Valentine's Day. All right. Good lord. So any more emotional roller coasters to take us on? Well, actually, no. I adopted a cat. I just wanted to say that. Queb's like, I just got a text message. My girlfriend is dead.

It seems she ate way too many cookies. Overdose on weed. How's the language barrier living in Spain? Like, is that an issue? So I followed Spanish at high school for a few years. And living here, like, I know French pretty decent. I know German, Dutch, English, and a little bit of Italian. So learning Spanish really isn't that hard.

So I can almost fluently understand Spanish right now after four months. And I know the basics. I can communicate fluently understand Spanish right now after four months. And I know the basics. I can communicate a little bit, you know, say, oh, straightforward left, right to the taxi drivers. Or say, oh, you can keep the tip. Or this is my house. You know, the basic stuff. And no complicated conversations. Plus, almost everybody speaks English.

And if we really can't figure it out, I just grab my and i google translate it so it's actually it's going pretty good that's cool no problem so far i know you said it where in spain are you all the way in the south it's called marbella which is uh you used to be the the criminal city of Spain. I can pretty much swim to Morocco or North Africa. Wow. I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't do it. A lot of people have

tried it. But I could get a boat and go there. Unless I'll probably get fucking stopped by Border Patrol or some shit. But it's really close to many nice places, which is nice. Is that where the Rock of Gibraltar is?

Yes, yes. It's an hour away. Me too. It was pretty cool. With the monkeys. Have you seen the monkeys? They grabbed my wife and daughter's boobs they just they were big fans yeah they just would not behave themselves

well it's uh it was it was beautiful last time i went there so uh that's pretty much where i live right now yeah which is nice i like it just in a paradise with a new girl, with a new cat. Yes, yes. You know? His name is Zorro. It works. Somehow, Black Cat, Zorro. Yeah, yeah. You saw him playing in the black around all the time.

So, yeah, I've been pretty much going and looking, okay, what can I upgrade? Let's get the best girlfriend. Let's get the best this. Get the best that, right? You know what I mean? What's next on the list? You got to get the best girlfriend. Let's get the best this, get the best that, right? Do you know what I mean? What's next on the list? You got to get the best what? He needs to vote.

Well, I have a really nice watch already. So I was thinking maybe a car, but I'm like, I'm not going to waste $100,000 on a Ferrari or something. I'd much rather buy houses. So I'm just going to buy houses until I'm like, okay, let's get a car. That's what I like about you. I did the math on your December

and then just made some wild ass guesses about the video game and stuff like that. And I'm like, he doesn't even need my lecture on how to do money management. This guy is just wired right. I have watched the videos. I have watched your videos.

Obviously, I do my research all the time. When I'm not making YouTube videos, I just go into YouTube. Because that's what I love about YouTube is that you can learn so much from YouTube. And obviously, the sources around it. So I've been looking at all my options. Okay, well, you did how to become a millionaire in 21 years. I was like, okay, 21 years. Well, you're on the accelerated schedule yeah so but i've been looking in alter alternative ways to

you're like i did it my first 21 years yeah he's i would yeah i would guess 1 million is not accurate but now it's oh you well everybody knows that youtubers make a lot of money the big ones do yeah well i got two billion views right even if it's a dollar per a thousand uh views and then taxes right do the math yeah it's a million bucks yeah but i'm like okay okay a million's cool and all i want to go for a billion you know and i know x jaws has said this on the show too yeah are you gonna will you make this pledge now quebel cop if you become a multi-billionaire will you donate 99 of your work to me actually what it was forget the charity had to make that charity was silly he had to make 500 million in one year it was 500 million in one year and he would give 98 percent

of that 500 million to charity you know but of course if he makes like 400 million he keeps it all right it's not like he's giving 98 but if he breaks the half billion, half a billion, dude, like Warren Buffett doesn't have many billion dollar years, right? Warren Buffett's, I'm going to make up numbers, I think he's worth about 50 billion, something like that, 60 billion, and he's like 80 years old. It's not as if he's having a lot of multi-billion dollar years.

So for X-Jaws to say he was going to have a half billion dollar year, you know what? I'll take the pledge. Fuck it. If I make a half billion, I'll do it too. What'll take the pledge. Fuck it. If I make a half billion, I'll do it too. What the fuck? It's not happening. If I make a half billion dollars in a year, I'll give all of it away to whoever, whatever. And I'll keep two million.

Like that's all I would need. No, make it ten. Ten million. At that amount of money, fuck it. What about the taxes? This is after all the taxes. This is post-tax. Ten million post-tax. I think if you donate it to charity, you don't even have to pay taxes over it.

Then I'll just write off half a million dollars in charity. I'm not a big charity guy. I do charity every now and then, obviously. But no millions into charity, not at all. Maybe a few thousand a year. Well, if you ever make a billion dollars in a year and I don't get fucking something, I'm going to be

upset. I'll come and go watch some hockey shit with you guys. I just want a shitty little house. You know? You know who's doing well? I talked to him offline. The Sailing La Vagabonde guys seem to be doing well. I saw.

They're growing well. They got that million-dollar yacht. I think he's currently sailing his personal yacht into a different place so that they can switch. They're making almost daily videos lately. They hired a videographer to come on the yacht with them and help with some of the filming and editing.

It seems like it'd be easy to make daily videos, but it actually consumes your life to document your whole day like that. I see Chiz. Anyway, those guys are doing super well. I just mentioned it because Quibble Cop... They asked for some YouTube advice.

I was like, I'm going to bring in Quibble cop to like because i i just felt more comfortable having a youtube like well i'm glad it worked out for them you know because it doesn't like i give loads of people advice because i just love to talk about stuff um but 99 of the people first of all they don't listen to the advice and then the other the other they try it, but they can't succeed or they give up. But it's nice to see that maybe I sparked something or helped them at least to go into the right direction for them to then pick it up and make it accelerate, which is always good. Do you foresee yourself at all with your channel kind of going in a – because you see this. You've already started branching out into real estate as you know, you,

you're kind of already know like in 10 years, that's going to be my main means of income, not YouTube videos. Have you thought at all about how, you know, over some course of time, you're going to go from your two daily uploads or what you're doing now to kind of like one every couple of days and then one a week and kind of wean

it off? I think I'll, I'll pull a, pull a Woody I start a Minecraft server or something like that, you know. But like everybody knows your career is not going to last forever. I'm four years in, still doing great. I think maybe it's going to last eight years, maybe ten years, right? So I'm halfway there. And I'm in a great position right now to start loads of new businesses, to invest my money wisely.

That's why I'm doing the real estate to have a little bit of money safe. Then I do some other stuff. And then I also have the game company, which I'm starting soon. Well, we already released a game. which I'm starting soon. Well, we already released a game. So hopefully at least one of those things will be able to generate enough income for me to be able to live the life I live right now, you know? Mm-hmm. Where I can say, okay, I'm gonna go to America next month or

I'm gonna live in a nice Spanish villa for the entire summer. But I definitely think in 10 years' time, well, I'm going to do YouTube until I'm super done with it or until my channel dies or until something... Nobody leaves completely, right? Like, I haven't seen anyone who's had a lot of success on YouTube, right? Of course, people who get up to like 30,000 might completely quit. Like 5 million plus.

I've never seen someone go, okay, bye. Even 1 million. I haven't looked lately, but I bet Shay Carl still makes a video now and then. I bet... Who's the black musician we had on PKA early on? Black musician? Will.i.am?

No, it was... like they show i know will i am i used to compete with him for a front page spot he's like i own like tutorials on that guy no no it's um we didn't get rapper drake we got degrassi drake yeah yeah yeah i i can't think of it it's been too long i can't remember his name anyway, but he still makes videos now. And then, you know, iJustine, her channel actually had something of a resurgence. Well, so with iJustine, her channel is doing decent. I'm a YouTuber known by Tyler Oakley. He's not really aimed towards you guys. He's more aimed towards like 14 year old girls

but what he's done is he's pretty much not really abandoned his YouTube channel but he still does YouTube videos one a week or two a week but he's totally gone into becoming a presenter for MTV and he hosts all these award shows and stuff and he's still

according to Forbes one of the highest paid YouTubers out there, even though his YouTube channel isn't making like anywhere close to interesting figures. But because he established that brand, he's managed to branch out, which is also a really nice thing that can happen if you do YouTube channel.

And I just seen it the same. I'm pretty sure where most of our revenue would come from outside sources right instead of just youtube adsense exactly yeah or or referral links you know adsense like even if i think if you took the money out of it completely there's something about youtube like like i'm not really uploading videos for for money so much yeah it more is always welcome but you know really I'll just make a vlog of me I have a uncut footage of me I found an abandoned castle in North Carolina I read my motorcycle to and vlogged it and I'll put it up there just cuz I don't know it's kind of fun to communicate like there's a well that that's what it

all started off with right everybody going like oh i hit this crazy sniper killing cold duty 4 let's make a montage that's how i started off mine started and then i saw you guys doing commentaries and shit i was like i'm gonna do this too you know i wanted to play with hutch that was the whole thing i would i would leave nice comments on hutch's videos like all the time and he wouldn't notice me right because everybody yeah and I was like I need to be his peer I need to somehow be his peer if I'm gonna get into a game with him then you know he needs to notice me so it was all like a big calculated effort because I thought if Hutch and I played together we'd never lose and that's what I wanted I was like

we'd win all night long you know with with him getting 40 kills per game with an a 40 you're whatever it is a ACOG, and me doing my thing. Yeah, that was before the realization of how he got gameplays sunk in. Where you're like, this guy's KD must be fucking nine. Yes. With a sniper rifle. But it's like, oh no, it's not every game. I had the same with Wings of Redemption.

Yeah? With wings of redemption yeah, I told the story. I think last time where I was like oh man. You know the pKa Squad and and and help it shit You know I got a play with with wings and then one day it was on Twitter And he tweeted out playing with you guys night joint jumped in And then we lost and he got really mad and I was like He deleted me of his friends list block communication you know I told it last time and then I was like okay well there's still so many more youtubers that I used to watch back in the day and now me as a really big youtuber one of the like the top 200 youtubers I'm able

to meet these guys right right so I go to parties all the time and i meet these youtubers all the time and 90 of them are super super nice and exactly how i imagine them to be but then there's this 10 where you know for example hutch i walked up to him i would go like yo what's up you're hutch right like i love i i loved your videos back in the day. I really watched them like every day and stuff. And he's standing there like. And I'm like, okay, thanks, bye. And he didn't say a word. He probably thought I was some crazy fan who managed to sneak backstage or something, right? But I'm like, I'm trying to start a conversation.

It was just quiet and you just kind of went like, all right, well, see ya. Yeah, yeah, yeah, pretty much. I was like, this was so awkward, you know. And I've had that with many other YouTubers. It's not like he's the only one, right? He might have just been tired at the moment or whatever. He was very racist. He saw your hair, and he immediately made a snap judgment.

This guy. Most people know that about him. uh but obviously racist um he saw your hair and he immediately made a snap just guy most people know that about him very closed-minded very very staunch conservative if you follow him on twitter uh you'll see what what are the coolest things about being somebody on youtube and and i'm not as big as you i'm not even as big as i once was but there's still something there and uh i was watching a live podcast with these moto vloggers there's a whole motorcycle vlogging community and uh i'm typing in the chat and whatever i get recognized like crazy all the moto vloggers used to watch my videos they invite me into their podcast on the spot and uh and i hung out with them for a few hours it's like that's one of the

coolest benefits of like having done a thing on YouTube that you get. Yeah. No, like same with me being on the show. You know, back in the day, I used to watch P.K. all the time. And one of my friends, I told him who pretty much pretty sure he still watches the show. He used to send me links to the to P.K. early because I'm not like a patron supporter or whatever. That doesn't even exist. You should be you should You should be the maximum

contributor on Patreon. You should be our monthly hangout. So me and him used to watch and then I was like, you know, I'm a YouTuber now, I've got 10,000 subs. Just mark my words. One day I'll be on the show, right?

And it's pretty much the only podcast I go on to. And I've had many requests for me to be on podcasts. But I'm like, I don't really feel the connection with these guys. Like I would just be there. I have no clue. They have like 200 episodes. I have no clue what's going on. I don't even know the hosts.

So how am I going to be able to talk about shit, right? hosts, so how am I going to be able to talk about shit, right? I think that your life is so interesting that that would sort of be what being on their show would be like. It would be them pulling out of you all the information. Yeah, and then I would have to do the same interview over and over,

right? Yeah. Oh, tell us about your girlfriend, and oh, you know, and now here I can join in and you guys start talking about politics and shit, and I'm like yeah I want to talk about Grubhub becoming educated I want to talk about Grubhub

because Taylor has gotten a I need to talk about into how Chiz and I live he has seen it with his own eyes I talked about it many times about how poorly I eat and I don't think it really sank in with Taylor the amount of meals that there were or how shitty they were so go ahead just the amount of like and this isn't i'll preface it none of this is a bad thing at all

it's just i've never ever been with people who order meals like this and do it like this with grubhub i hadn't used grubhub before i came on this trip, so that could also add to it. I don't know how people do it. But the first night, we're all sitting there, and Kyle orders something off Grubhub. Chiz orders something off Grubhub, and I was like, oh, this is neat. I pull up my phone, and I order something off Grubhub. I'm going to get some Buffalo Wildlings,

or whatever the fuck I order. A little bit later, the people start showing up, and you get it, and I'm like, this is an awesome service. Like, this is fucking great. They just show up with your food. This is restaurant-quality food right in front of me. I eat it all. I'm full.

I want to go back to playing Magic the Gathering. I look over, and Kyle's food and Chiz's food, it's been dabbled with a bit. It's been poked about. You know, it's been, hmm, no thank you. And there's like one fry and one bite missing from both meals you know maybe a couple bites and they're both on their computer again and i'm like what are you guys doing let's play magic we just ate you know we were waiting to eat so we could play magic and you're like oh no i'm ordering dinner and i was like we

we just ate do you not see you have your plates sitting right next to you all the food is here we've eaten already and you said no this is second dinner and i was like okay this is a little goofy they're just being silly it's vacation second dinner whatever that food arrives and before that food lord of the rings things you wouldn't understand before that second before second dinner on the first night had arrived both of them had decided that they needed an ice cream treat i believe believe, and a coffee. And so there were three people driving around Denver grabbing things for Chiz and Kyle, bringing them there. And then when you do, when Kyle gets food from Grubhub, I've been using the comparison of like he eats like Robert Baratheon, where he just sits back in his chair, food splayed out before him. Hand me a turkey leg.

I grow weary of this turkey leg. He hurls it to the side. Pot pie, pot pie and pecans. You get it and you're, I don't even try that. Take it away. You know, sushi. Spice is disgusting. Order it again.

It was that level of thing. I was sitting there and then like i feel almost guilted into it because how much is it be like hey we're ordering third dinner that's a term i've learned we're ordering do you want to order anything and i'm like god no like i'm not hungry at all like one of the nights. But you will be. But you will be. I will be because, and then you guys, you handle it in the most hilarious little back and forth. Like when both of you know that you shouldn't order Grubhub anymore, one of you will say something like. Enabling. Man, ice cream sandwich sounds great right now.

And then whoever heard it would go, oh yeah, it would. Man, I love it when they have chocolate and chocolate chips on there and it's like between the cook i bet they delivered that this time of night and kyle will be like well i'm sure there's a place and then look it up and before you know it you're like four ice cream sandwiches on the way just in case you don't know how many services we use we use grubhub we Postmates, and we use DoorDash. And the combination of those three means that at any time, they'll just bring you churros. They'll just bring you fucking- can I have one of these?

Oh my god, what is this to dip them in? Oh, chocolate? Oh no, it's some sort of- it's melted... It's melted honey or something. I don't know what it is. It's melted. Sweet and sour sauce or something is what it looks like. No, it's just honey. Sweet and sour sauce.

It's just honey. That would be... Just right to your door. Anything. It is. It's very convenient, and it's a really cool service. It's just incredible watching an adult man order all of that stuff. Oh, a churro.

Would you like churros? I'm straight on churros. Thank you. You won't buy those churros. These are the good churros. Not like last night. Those are fresh churros. I thought you were eating the disgust. You guys have ordered. See, perfect point. Churros have been ordered to the house twice in the last 14 hours.

They just got here! I know, but you ordered churros last night. That was a different churro place. This is brand new churros. Regardless, the way that they eat on vacation, you know how... I admire it in a way. If it were an everyday thing, it'd be not good,

but these two know exactly how to enjoy meals on vacation. With, like, you take one bite of something, and if it isn't exactly what you wanted it to be, not like, this is pretty good. No, Kyle will put that down and be like, that's not what I wanted. And then order a whole new meal just because that bite wasn't enough, I guess. I'm very particular about my meals. Each one has to be a celebration of life

All right He went to a restaurant and someone had bought out the whole restaurant And so the only seating was these high backed like bar chairs really perched and I was like that's gonna hurt my back I refuse to eat dinner here. I would like my car back like that was it that was it It was a whole planned evening out But if I don't get to sit in like a booth it was a whole planned evening out but if i don't get to sit in like a booth preferably like at morton's where they slide the table out and you sit down in a cushy booth like the low-lit room and they bring you hundreds of dollars worth of food then i don't want to do it i'm not gonna

perch over there by a loud ass bar in that chair like with my back aching so we just think yeah i was thinking about it more because at the time i was like we just drove to this fucking place and we're not gonna sit down because it's too close to the bar and too loud but then the more you think about it this was supposed to be like the wagyu wagyu beef or whatever like where you spend what forty dollars an ounce or something the banana the steak was 130 just for the steak and that's before you do anything else like sides and drinks and appetizers and you are right that if i'm going to spend that amount on a meal at a steakhouse i don't want to be like perched up like i'm at b-dubs with like wings you know with a lot of people around me at the bar standing tv on loud like it's just not a good environment for that kind of

eating so i guess it's for the best and i yeah but i'm not convinced why good beef isn't a scam yeah i'm not either but but yeah the whole grub thought the the food delivery game is incredible now if you live in a metro area where you could take advantage of at least one of those things postmates grubhub or doordash when you i i open all three and we scan from left to left to right all of the wonderful things that we can eat. They will deliver McDonald's right to your door, hot and fresh. Like, they're fast. If you order McDonald's, some dude immediately gets a notification,

get McDonald's, kind of wants to take back. What is it called, Grubhub? Grubhub, DoorDash, and Postmates. They all are slightly different. Grubhub is more of a, it's like it brings together all the restaurants that kind of already would deliver like pizza wings burgers and subs but postmates it's it just contacts this guy who like will go and get you anything you want i feel like you could type into the special instructions you know

get me a pack of smokes while you're at it or like get me a bottle of beer on your way past the 7-eleven he totally gets some weed yeah hey in colorado i in Colorado. I saw a video where they did that, where they used one of these apps, and they went like, I'll pay you this much money extra if you can give me some weed, and then they went and delivered. Yeah, I bet the Grubhub guy

knows places to get weed. This is a mystery solved Grubhub. You just ask me, I can hook you up too, you know. I like the way that each of the glitches, they handle the finding of the food. The way that I search for stuff if I'm ordering is like, I want this. Oh, they don't have that available. All right, I'll find something else. You guys will sit there with your laptops open like you're in the sex

crime unit in CSI searching for things and you'll be like, ah, Italian place, Don Favato's three miles away. They do have toasted ravioli. They don't have linguine. And Chiz will be like, all right, I'm drinking. You'll be waiting around

that location. I have found Fasano's North. We can order from there. The appetizers. Entrees from here. That's gonna work great. You'll be like, alright, we're both gonna hit the button at the same time to make sure the same Grubhub man delivers the food. And then they, it's something they actually did. I thought you were joking. You guys were all sitting around, like, ready to order, and like,

yeah! Separate orders, same service, he gets it all in the same bag if it's prudent to do so. He won't leave your shit getting cold somewhere, but he will, if it's prudent, combine the orders into one bag, only one man. Everybody gets their food at the same time from different places. It's amazing. And you could get such – you're probably – someone might be thinking, oh, it's wasteful. Yes, it is wasteful, but here's the real bonus.

You can get delivery from places like McDonald'sdonald's and subway which is kind of the bottom tier last night i ordered uh my girlfriend was starving and there weren't many places open and she didn't want pizza wings again i ordered a filet mignon and like garlic mashed potatoes and roasted garlic bread and like they show up 20 minutes later with a hot like filet mignon wrapped in aluminum foil and she's over there like, yeah, yeah, yeah. What can filet mignon deliver? It's amazing. I almost got raw oysters delivered one time. They had raw oysters for delivery. The place was like six miles away. I was like, how did raw oysters get in Colorado?

Nah, I don't think I want to risk it. I doubt they flew those in last night. Those are Rocky Mountain oysters. I envy those diets, man. I looked at the scale. I was unhappy with my number. This is just like three days ago. Do you want to say your number publicly

or keep that on the down low? It's 214. I hit 214 as my high. I don't like that number. Is that a new high? I think so. I think that might be the highest I've ever weighed. It's down like...

186. Are you? Good for you. Yeah, so I want to lose 10 and then maybe more from there. But I've just cleaned up my diet recently. I've switched over to water. I've eaten better stuff. And I hear you guys and I'd be nice.

I'd be nice. I don't want to point to the age thing, but it's a little... It's easier to pack on pounds. I think that when I get back, the memories of this trip are going to be a real motivator for me to get my creatine going and get my cardio going every day because this has been a punishing trip

as far as caloric intake goes. I mean, it has been brutal. At least three meals a day, every single day, and they were all big. And I normally eat like one or two maybe. We've been really killing it. And your deep frying treats? I got the deep fryer out, you know.

I used this other service called Instacart, and they bring your groceries to you. They bring your goddamn groceries to you. And the first order is free at Instacart this is these aren't these aren't sponsors they're just amazing and i i'm like clickety click click click next thing i know some peanut oil some batter um you know and and a bunch of candy is all showing up at the door and and that night i i froze all the candy hard froze some cheesecake bites hard battered them and deep fried them they're fucking

delicious we're gonna deep fry some Oreos tonight after the show. I get them all frozen. Mega stuff Oreos. And while you guys were sleeping, I cracked them all open, combined the mega stuffs, and made double mega stuff. Well, that will certainly be something to witness later on.

It's coming. That sounds delicious. Or you did a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Oh, yeah. That sounds delicious. Or you did a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Oh, yeah. That was way better than I thought it would be. Yeah, peanut butter and jelly. You don't even have to batter them because of the consistency of white bread. You just take a measuring cup, a metal one, or one of those biscuit cutters,

and cut out the center of the bread. And you make your own Uncrustable, basically, if you've ever had that product. You take peanut butter and jelly and put a little dollop in the middle, and then you pinch around the corners. They're called pinch pies. That YouTuber I like a lot, he had a recipe for them. And you just throw them right in the oil and fry them at like 170 degrees. They're delicious.

I didn't do a very good job of it. I haven't been doing a good job of cooking them because the oil's always either too hot or they're going in there too long. But, I mean, it's melted chocolate covered in like a funnel cakes so yeah pancakes so it you know it's delicious no matter what lately i've been like i point around i'm like oh you know like cigarettes adderall these things are all great for your metabolism they make you skinny i'm like the rest of this fucking world is cheaters they're cheaters they get it so easy you need to take up smoking. I was about to say, I don't think I'm so skinny. I don't. I don't.

I just do cocaine and water. Just cocaine and water. You know, you've got a real cocaine and water physique. Let me interject with an ad here. Slide this right on in here. When was the last time that you ordered clothes online and got to try them on? Before paying for them, of course. Never, right?

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I was about to say. I didn't even think of that. I thought about the PKA logo too, maybe with the big pill on it and stuff. But then it would have no resale value, and you have to wonder if that matters to you or not. Are you going to wear this wing out? Are you going to sell it halfway through? I don't know.

There's a very specific market for the Rape Squad Killers resale. Yes. Paramount. Exactly. And if you land in somebody's field and you need help or something, they're not going to come out and want to help. They're going to be like,

failure with a banner that said Rape Squad on it. He's in a Rape Squad. He was telling us to go get there and find him. Sheet on side, oh yeah. Getting a new wing can change your paramotor from a truck to a sports car and back and and uh i've been thinking about adding a wing to my collection i think you want a truck though right are you feeling the need for speed is this the is this the point where you start transitioning

into those guys who do the pendulum loop-de-loops and shit is that what you're feeling that you want to try yeah it is it's happening a little bit jackie doesn't know that you're pushing the envelope she just thinks you're getting a little accessory she thinks you're like going wireless or getting a smoother ride no you're going to sport mode without telling anyone well i've told you you told us and we and i had to interpret you're totally getting this you're going from a truck to a sports car. That's what you're doing, huh? Well, yeah. So the wing I got was like a beginner slash intermediate.

And I'm looking at a wing that's for a more experienced pilot. And yeah, so I've been just, you know, turning a little harder, being a little, you know, feeling some G-forces up there. You'll feel them. It's fun. It gets me a little, you know, feeling some G forces up there. And it's fun. It gets me a little sick sometimes. Like, like, you know, you ride a roller coaster and you're like, oh yeah, like that was fun, but I wouldn't want to do that three times in a row.

Yeah. I take paramotor rides like that, you know, where you're like, you just fucking around. And then afterwards it's like, yeah, all right right let's go straight for a minute get our head back on it's uh it's pretty cool well that well that's interesting i look forward to see what you do is for a style because you definitely want to maximize resale value i would imagine but you also want to maybe personalize or get something that's you a little bit too at the same time um you know maybe a crashing wave or something i don't know what you want to do what your what would your mana color be like like like like

what sometimes i like what if i got like two eyes or something like that and then they know no and then now i know um because i saw one with eyes, and it looked like it was glaring at you. Yeah, that sounds awful. It was me mugging you. You want to be like a friendly sky. You want people to look up and go, oh, look, honey. It's the sky wizard. Yeah.

But I also want to be me. I want to see peering eyes. I want them to look up and be like, oh, I've seen that guy before, right? Because most of the wings just have like a couple patterns with like, I don't know, like a W-shaped pattern. And it's yellow on one side, purple on the other. And, you know, green on one. I want it to be like, that's the guy with the eyes. That's the guy, you know, like they'll remember that wing.

Like I want to have it. So I don't know what it will be, but I'd like it to be something. Yeah, definitely not the eye thing. Everyone hates the eye thing. So far as you want to be the friendly flyman that comes into town. Nobody wants to look up and be like, who the hell is that guy and what's he doing?

So something friendly. Like Howdy, or made you look, or something that's very disarming so if you ever do need to nefariously a yellow smiley face like like what if you know the old generic like yellow smiley face like i almost want that like something friendly but i want to look at that but with just like like it shouldn't just be a smile on the wing. The whole wing could be yellow from the bottom with the two eyes and a nose or something like that. Exactly, sure.

Or one that says, call 911. Help, I'm stuck up here. Next of kin information for you, honey. You could probably make it shaped like a wing and the off part, have it colored that color that's meant to blend in with the blue sky so that it looks like you're flying the bat. You know how Batman has that bat plane that's shaped like a flying bat wing? Yeah, you would have that design.

You'd have virtually camo by making it blue sky and then have something in the middle. Yeah, sure. I don't know if that would even work. No, no, either. That sounds fun. There's probably lots of options for things you can do. Yeah. I don't know if it's a great topic,

but it's dominating my thought process lately. Like, yeah, I think it'd be nice to get it. The Night Hawk. Aquaman. I am the night. That's what's coming. Leave a comment if you have a cool idea on what you'd do with the wing.

I think it should be I am the night. So've been playing i mentioned mana because i was joking man because i was joking around but we've been playing a lot of fucking uh magic the gathering i mentioned last week that taylor was bringing his magic uh decks with him and uh the first night i think we played for a solid nine10 hours without stopping like sitting in one of these chairs at a table we played until 6 in the morning and we started rather early at this point I've got a fairly good grasp on how to play the game

and I really really enjoy it I think I'm going to start playing online now maybe and I hope that that's as enjoyable but I'm really digging magic it's a lot of fun and it's fairly simple to pick up yeah it's not as complicated it does seem complicated it's a steep learning curve so it's like from the start like you don't know shit like it's like this is all so confusing i don't know what any of these words mean but just you know a couple hours in

you've already figured out a lot of the keywords, a lot of how stuff works. And from that point, if you read something you don't know, you can kind of finagle it and context clues it together and be like, okay, yeah, I get what this does. Just learning the order of play and the protocol and the order that you do things when it is your turn. Like, oh, it's your turn, Kyle. And knowing that, okay, I'm going to draw a card. I'm going to play one land card. I'm going to flip all my mana and all my creatures back to activate it, and now I'm going to scan to see what I can play.

All right, what order do I want to play this buff? Oh, it's an instant, so I'll play this card. Oh, it has trample. He can attack. I won't tell him about the instant. I'll let him pick his blocker, and now, oh-ho! Flip my mana, and I'll buff my card, and it's got trample, and he picked the wrong blocker. So, seven damage to your life, good sir. And it

takes about two or three days of playing a shit-fucking load of that game to know all of that. And that protocol that happens every single turn. But what you do, it's a lot of fun. It's been like a crash course of magic in a lot of ways we've been playing so much so many cards yeah we have so many cars we went to walmart like we

started off with his dual decks and basically that means that he's got like a suitcase full of cards and each person like okay you get the blue deck and you get the red deck and they're made to fight against each other but what but that wasn't good enough after a while so we went to make we went to walmart and just bought huge quantities of cards and had a draft where we pick the cards that we want and like assemble our own decks after having do they have value because i know that magic can be expensive and sometimes you hit it big or are you just playing with a bunch of commons no you don't get so every pack you get has at least one rare in there so maybe you get something that's really rare worth a lot like i don't i don't know as much about what is big in magic now as i used to and i played it more so maybe i don't know maybe we opened a really rare

card i have no idea i haven't looked up the prices on them but like you can't go into it like i've talked to people who are super into magic who will say stuff like yeah like i just put a bunch of money into magic cards and i've actually made money on it in the long run and it's like no you haven't at all you've had just potential capital sitting in your closet doing nothing you know as you have to spritz it with things to make sure they don't rot away because it is cardboard and ink at the end of the day but yeah you have to go into it knowing that like this is the price of the activity you know like if i buy 80 or 60 worth of the packs so we can draft, it's almost like, alright,

I'm not going to make any money back on this, but this is what you need to play this activity. I'm trying to find out how much we were wondering how much the cards might cost. I looked up that Sheevan Dragon that I have. It's like $50. $50? So he's made

money. So he's on top i'm reading that wrong i'm glad that kyle and she has liked it so much because it's a ton of fun to play and it's a fun game to get new people into because you can just see the gears turning as they play and they get it more and yeah chiz obviously picked it up real quick because he's played yugioh before which i've never played but apparently they have similar mechanics i think i was wrong about that shivan dragon i think he's like 15 cents or something like that so yeah somewhere between 15 cents i was looking at older it's the generation thing i was looking like an older generation shivan dragon and that one was worth much more i think

if i'm reading that right. But it doesn't matter. Yeah, I've really enjoyed it as a card game. It's a lot of fun. And like we're saying, Chiz's former Yu-Gi-Oh! experience made him pick it up really quickly. So it's been fun. I like it a lot. It's definitely going to become an obsession, I think,

because I don't have people to play with in real life, and it's really satisfying to play the real cards and shuffle a deck and all that stuff. But I'm going to attempt to play the online version. There's an Xbox game and there's a PC game. The Xbox thing is free. If we have any Magic fans out there,

leave a comment or tweet me or something about whether or not you like Magic the Gathering Online, MTG Go go or whatever it's called because i've seen a bunch of youtube videos about being played i've never got into it and i don't like the idea of i have a fuck ton of cards and if i want to remake that deck i'm going to have to buy all those cards online again like that's that's enough to determine so i think that the way to do it is just play on x as far as me and Kyle's needs to play.

And that makes it a lot easier too. You don't have to spend any money on Xbox. But the cards you use are worse. So that's kind of shitty. So you're a little hamstrung there. Yeah. We'll see. I just like the game mechanics.

I like how the game is played. If it's a level playing field, then I don't care. Some of those crazy overpowered cards are just scary anyway. Some guy builds a base and then he plays that card and it's like, oh, well I didn't see that coming. Game over. yeah we'll see um i dig the game though i'm glad you brought that stuff i wasn't sure i was gonna like it because i'd never played a game like that before i had no experience with that sort of game but it's really fun and simple it's like a video game it's cool yeah i'm liking that a lot i haven't played Total War Warhammer at all recently because, and that's for the best too, because if you had gotten

into Total War Warhammer, I couldn't, I can't be this into Total War Warhammer and Magic at the same time. It's something you've got to give. So... It's your professional life. You just won't go to work. I could be really passionate about this group of ghouls and goblins

and trolls, or this group of ghouls and goblins and trolls, or this group of ghouls and goblins and wizards and trolls. I can't split it, you know. Little green ghouls! Yeah, little green ghouls, you know. My PC parts came in. I was wondering if you'd have it assembled. I was curious about which...

I know you got, like... Go ahead. The case came in late. The case came in today. So, like, the hard drive and The case came in late. The case came in today. So like the hard drive and the memory and a bunch of things had arrived in advance. But without the case, it seemed like it was hard to, like even step one seems to be put shit in the case. So I didn't do, like I haven't done anything with them yet. But I got a new computer.

And it's not like, most people do gaming builds and they buy a bunch of like consumer level stuff and whatever. I really wanted a new computer. And it's not like most people do gaming builds and they buy a bunch of consumer-level stuff and whatever. I really wanted a reliable computer. I wanted never for PKA to quit midway. And I had a couple of CPUs that I used at WoodyCraft. And my server had like 1,000 days uptime. Yeah, I think so. And that's a lot.

They ran Linux. I don't think you're gonna get that on windows but that's what you get when you have error correcting memory and you have you know xeon class cpus and stuff so i was like i'm gonna do that in my um in my home pc and uh yeah so the parts just came in i think i'll just swap over my old school Titan CPU and use that for whatever year until the GPU. My mistake. GPU, of course. And then, you know, even when the 1180 comes out or a 1080 Ti or I decide I want something better, I'll just buy something new. But, yeah, so the idea is I'm going to have a really reliable, like, enterprise class machine.

Well, I'm happy about that. I think we all are because it really deflates our balloons big time when we're two hours into this and we feel really good about it. Currently, we're about two hours in. I feel really good about the two hours we've got under our belt. Good quality stuff. Had a few laughs. It's been great.

A few tears. We had a little fun. You can't get it back. We can't get it back. We can't get it back if you don't record it. It's very upsetting. Also, you're like, I guess I'm sitting here in this chair for seven hours

straight now today. I'm trying to act like I enjoy it. I've had two-hour, three-hour long recordings and you're like, done, time to wrap it up. And then it's like, oh, my computer just blue screened or my camera, my SD card crashed. Or, well, most of the time I have a backup for everything. But sometimes you can't get a backup, like I can't get two streams to record my gameplay.

And it's like me and my friends, we do two, three hour long session. Everybody's okay. And then one guy just fails. And it's like, fuck, now we have to do the same thing or similar for the other person, right? So I know the feeling. Yeah, it's not like it's happening a lot or anything. I don't think the computers ever crashed during PKA. One time OBS crashed.

And I'm not sure if a new computer would have helped that or sometimes that's going to happen. I don't think the computers ever crashed during PKA. One time OBS crashed, and I'm not sure if a new computer would have helped that, or sometimes that's going to happen. I don't know. So what... This is making me nervous, us even talking. Yeah, we should move on. We can start recording now. I used to have...

There was this really religious Christian lady that was a friend of mine's mom, and she was of the belief that like you could speak things into being you know and so like if you said uh like oh man hope we don't get in a car accident on the way to dinner you know that'd ruin our plan she'd like slap your hand or your leg or like poke you or something or pinch you and be like don't you speak that into reality don't you say those words it's like this all right like you really think that jesus is sitting up there being like oh this guy doesn't want to get in the car crash

i find that so annoying great i like it bothers me like i don't know this like stop it oh my god do you know what you did but do you know how crazy you are you know like i didn't do anything i didn't like it's it's not yeah you didn't summon a spell or hex anybody. Don't you do that. Don't you put that evil on me, Ricky Bobby. Yes. Basically. I'm so sick.

Oh, man. Oh, are you? Oh, why? Was it? Well, you were sick on Tuesday. I was. I am definitely on the improvement swing. Tuesday, the one hour PKN, it was hard for me to get through.

This, I feel better. But I've been sick for a week now, and I'm just, I don't know, me to get through uh this i feel better but i've been sick for a week now and i'm just uh i don't know slow to get better i guess you don't look sick i'm faking it yeah i i have pulled like a full-on hillary clinton like right before the show i dumped some ibuprofen some mucilix some caffeine we're gonna get four hours of look like i'm healthy woody and then i'm gonna crash afterwards this in my head is how she did the debates. You've got your alarm set for four hours

exactly like a submarine pilot and record. Alright, see, I'm going to go vomit and pass out. I watched the new M. Night Shyamalan movie called Split with, is it James McAvoy, the guy who plays young Professor Xavier in the

new X-Men movies, if that helps anyone. And it is very good, I thought. I really liked it. I really liked it. His performance is top tier. The ending is not your usual Shyamalan twist, like, ah,

your eyes roll. I like the ending a lot, and I don't want to spoil it at all. But I will say that McAvoy's performance, top fucking notch. It's really cool. And the subject matter that they deal with in general, which is multiple personality disorder, that's not a, you know, I mean, that's clear from the trailers and even the poster. The level that they take it to is genius, and I loved everything about it,

and I loved all that stuff that happens. I'm speaking to those who have seen it or maybe will see it. Everything that happens at the end is great, and it really made... Halfway through the film, I was like, this is okay. This is an okay movie. But once I finished, I was like, is okay you know this is an okay movie but once I finished I was like

oh I'm glad I watched this I'm glad I saw all that I'm glad this is part of my like film history that gets plugged in now I'm glad I saw it great movie my opinion of it has gotten better as I understood more because I didn't I wasn't

like it was just the I don't want to spell anything either it was just the ending of the final you know Shyamalan twist where you're kind of just like for me it wasn't like oh shit it was like a come on like that kind of reaction and

like I don't know but now realizing that it's in a superhero world spoilers no spoilers no spoilers I don't know. But now realizing that it's in a superhero world. Spoilers. No spoilers. No spoilers. What reality is it in?

I don't think that one exists. Really. It's in a Shyamalan variety. Shyamalan land? A Shyamalan reality. I think all of his films are in some sort of closely linked reality in one way or another because they're just kind of kooky in the same way overall though it wasn't something to write home about

and if it I definitely wouldn't have a ton of positive things to say if it wasn't for how good McAvoy was as the lead like he's the reason that I think people are raving about it like he had an excellent performance. I think it was the end.

I disagree. I think it's 50-50. His performance was as good and it intrigued me as much as the ending twist did. And we can probably leave it at that. I really don't want to spoil it for anyone. And it's not the sort of thing that you're going to be putting together in your head. It's not like he was dead the whole time in The Sixth Sense or something. You have to finish the puzzle.

Oh my god. I can't wait to talk about that. Alright, so listen. We should wait for Woody to get back. Oh, he's coming back. Oh, great. Yeah, we'll let him get on mic. Woody, have you ever seen one of those puzzle rooms? Yeah, we've done them.

Oh, you have? Yeah, yeah. I brought the Woody Craft team building thing. I paid for it, yeah. Yeah. Did they have like difficulty levels of puzzle rooms? They did. Was there like easy, medium, hard?

There were two of them. And I think there were two of them, and they weren't meant to be more difficult. They were just like, hey, history tells us that this one gets solved more often or less often. uh we decided to go do one of these things and uh we picked the hardest one possible that only 20 of applicants solve and we did not finish spoiler alert um but we almost did and uh very very close he came in there at the end and he was like you want me to you want to go ahead and finish up? And we were all like,

I look at my girlfriend and she's like faint. She's literally faint. She's so hungry. And I'm just like, you know, why don't you just show us how it finishes? And he's like, oh, we just do this and that and now you can finish. And we're, okay, so we're crawling through a hole and like filling out a cipher

and finally we got to the end of it and it was over but it was an hour of being in a room going through puzzles and unlocking boxes and turning key locks and like doing simon says with buttons that were on the wall and you then you uh in one of the cases we unlocked an allen wrench and we took the panel off the wall and rip it out and we crawl through the hole that's created into a room that's just black and you've got a flashlight and you're reading the wall with the flashlight well it took us forever to find the goddamn light switch in that room so we're playing in the dark for a while i think if we had this whole time so it's at this point

it was just me you and chiz in that room trying to find shit on the walls and meanwhile your girlfriend is still in the light room and when i'm like peeking back through to be like hey hand me that prop or whatever the fuck thing we think might help like hand me that box hand me that like i just see her face and it's just the face of someone who's like i am so not in the mood to watch you guys you know prance around in there going like oh this could be a clue like and meanwhile having to like hand us stuff and we're you know playing with the locks like maybe it's just these four codes that are written on the wall nope turns out that's not it would have made it a real boring

puzzle right you know it was it was way more fun than i thought it was going to be i thought it was going to be a little bit silly and it was for a second one of the things they made you do which i think was their like filler thing just to get it to a long enough test is they played simon on the wall where it was like you know red blue green yellow or whatever and you have to hit it in the same tonal order and they were playing other shit on the loudspeakers or the radio while this is all happening. So there's like some fake guy on the radio being like, Delta, seven, ten, alpha, very dumb. And then like every 20 seconds he resays that. And meanwhile, you're trying to follow like the beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.

And Chiz was over there fucking around with the lockbox. And I was saying to Kyle, because it starts off easy and it gets harder because me and Kyle were handling it on our own and saying like alright you get the first five I'll get the next five and that's how we were doing it and eventually they got way too long I was like I got the first five Kyle you get the next five and I was

like I got the first five and I watch it keeps ticking and then I look to you and you're like yeah that was like nine I have no idea which ones it is so we had to figure that out we eventually got all of that solved when she has jumped back in and saved us and so that was good ours was interesting like so with ours it wasn't just my group it was like half woody craft staff and half total strangers and with the total strangers like and out of the gate you don't know what you're dealing with you know i don't have a vibe for how good they're going to be at this and it was fun to see things unfold like all right

that girl she is going to be an asset on this team that guy he will never solve anything if he gives any ideas or clues disregard them immediately yeah that guy is functionally an idiot that is it and we went through and um the way i remember it like that i i solved a couple of the the cool thing like the harder ones myself and there was one that that stumped a lot of people that for what it had to do with a bunch of playing cards i kind of figured out and uh the oversight people were like oh my god like we've got ringers on this team they're going to be able to solve it. But we got stuck on something for a long time, and we didn't beat it.

But it was fun. I really liked it. Have you ever done one of those, Global Cop? Nope. I have, however, been to this haunted house thing. It was in New York City, which kind of reminds me of it but it's it's it's not really a puzzle solver uh it's more of a a show a theater show which you just get sent into this dark maze and all of a sudden you're in a five-story building with people running around

and uh it's really creepy but um it's more of a haunted house where you don't really have to solve puzzles but to to beat it but it's like you can solve the puzzles to understand the story of what's actually going on because sometimes a naked lady would run across you like full naked jump into a bathtub and you're like, what the fuck am I looking at right now? The Taylor sounded like it was better than mine. I remember a lot of ours being like a chest holding a lockbox, holding a smaller lockbox, holding a key. And it's like, well, that's kind of low budget, isn't it?

Yeah. This is just like 30 minutes at Home Depot. Yeah, exactly. And there were some cool things. like there was a closet then you unlocked and then you had like a black light and there was right there clues and stuff that you can only see with if you had gotten the black light out of the chest inside the thing out of inside of it but um they're neat they're they're a good time ours was we were hot it was super hot that day and that played a role in it too you know ours was oh and the other bullshit thing so uh

we when the uh when the guy came back in to relieve us at the end of the hour and tell us like oh you didn't quite get it you know here's how close you were we were like like i expected him to be like oh you still had to finish this and then unlock the code to go into the next room and that's where you start the light puzzle or whatever the fuck he said but he was like oh man you guys are one step away you guys are like right here you're right here and i was like oh man what a shame well see ya and then i was like no you guys gotta stay and finish it like just finish it up real quick i see you got the cipher started like just just finish it up like i'll go in the other room and restart your clock so that you can finish it and get the credit and i was

just like it's fine like we're okay like just show us how it ends and it's gonna be all right just show us how this ends and the guy must have been a salesman because he would not take a no i gave him two no's and he said no seriously and he was doing that thing we're like like at the moment we're all in this dark room and the only opening is a little cat door behind him. And he's just going like this as he's backing up. And we're all standing around the puzzle pieces, and he's going, no, no, no. You guys can finish it. Just finish it up.

Just finish it up. I'm going to go back through this door, and I'm going to restart your thing. All right? All right? You're going to do it, right? And we're like, all right, I guess, man. I guess we'll fucking finish the puzzle because you're making us feel bad about it. I have a rude thing.

I say to him about the guy who wouldn't let us leave the puzzle room, who did not take no for an answer. Hijack. This is my thing that I do. I've used this line like half a dozen times. They don't take no. They don't say no, no, you could just do this. You just do this. And I'm like, listen, man, you have just witnessed the making of a decision.

And they're just like, oh, oh well i guess that's that then you know like you like it has just happened you've witnessed the making of a decision and and there we have it let's act on it and no one ever goes like no no no it's like oh decision's been made yeah was still... Like, if he was rude or curt... Your mic's off. Do you know that your mic is muted? I can hear him screaming. What was he saying? He said,

That's all that I heard. He's still muted, it would seem. Yeah, he's still muted. Oh, he's back. But you were saying something about the wouldn't-take-no-for-an-answer guy? Something about a witness. I don't know.

It was a joke, but it's gone now. It's gone now. Timing's important. That's why I went, ah, because the joke's ruined. He was very kind about it, though. Like, he seemed like a guy who wanted to see us finish the puzzle because he's a man who works at a puzzle factory. And so to him, puzzles are like, you know, you solve it and you go home that night like,

God damn it. Fucking Bobby had a puzzle. Oh, my God. Oh, I'm so to him puzzles are like you know you solve it and you go home that night like oh I'm so fucking into puzzles I get like it lost in new cities you know puzzle to be solved whatever the fuck this guy would say but he was so nice about it that I wanted to go back and finish the puzzle and so we did and in the end all that happens is we we killed the robot I don't mind spoiling that because none of you are gonna actually didn't kill it. I think we stopped the meltdown I think the I think the robot was friendly. She didn't want to melt down. We were trying to help her. Oh I okay. I didn't pay attention to the narrative It was an evil robot it's like you know when they were saying before we went in, they're like, do not kick, bite,

smash, or destroy any materials you come across. Everything you need to solve it is in the room. Do not tear things off the wall. Do not bring tools from home and unscrew light fixtures. Like I'm saying things that people have clearly done where they're like,

I know how to solve it. It's under the fluorescent fluorescent lights take them out and you bring your own lights and then you put them up there and you can see all the lemon juice scribbles on the bottom but and then i go in and i was like who would try to do this like at the very least if you break a lock like you've ruined the fun of the puzzle because now it's just like you okay well fuck like it's out of order you okay well fuck and then I realized immediately why that's a rule because I picked up that first lock that had our cards in it and I picked it up by the lock and I almost

tore that thing in half it was the cheapest lock if I had pulled it this hard we would have skipped that whole step that whole step of the puzzle if I had dropped it this hard, we would have skipped that whole step. That whole step of the puzzle. If I had dropped it a little aggressively, it might have popped. That would have been a sweet mercy if you had done that, Forrest,

because I think I enjoyed the puzzle room less than anyone. Once we got past the Simon Says, I just didn't really enjoy it that much. I was happy to see everyone else enjoying themselves but i liked it more after simon says oh man i i did oh i didn't like simon says it was just it was at that point when i was like ah this is this is just doing some pretty simple stuff that in the beginning the first like the robot says the first thing and it's like whatever you do don't hit the doomsday button and there's like aside from the the fucking colored buttons that you have to remember for the patterns there's a clear button that says doomsday button and there's like aside from the the fucking colored buttons that you have to remember for the patterns there's a clear button that says doomsday and so we just

were standing around for like three or four minutes of our hour just looking at shit being like all right well when is this thing gonna tell us what to do until eventually i think it was chiz was like just someone hit the doomsday button and so i hit it and it started the game and so it was like oh kept going, this is garbage. We just lost five minutes. And then we lost so much time on Simon, which was embarrassing, because you know those guys sitting watching the camera room are like, look at these four adults not be able to figure this out.

Four adults who can't solve Simon Says. Yeah. Can't figure it out. God damn it. You take the first five. You take the next five. I guess we're delegating Simon Says work. I didn't think I was going to have as much fun this trip,

but I definitely have. I really enjoyed the magic, and our activities such as they have been have been interesting. Taylor keeps trying to make me drink alcohol to justify his own alcoholism. When you do that to him with Grubhub. Yeah, I guess so yeah i guess so i guess so i'm

bringing him into my like my race to a guy of bt deep fried ice cream sandwiches to kyle fourth meal is not a taco bell slogan it is it's a lifestyle this is a meal of the day yeah on a vacation i really just you know it's like all alright everything to the max like all the sliders go to the max on Vacation you know like like like every everything so like I have not have I eaten today. I don't think I have Any food yeah, I haven't eaten food today. There's gonna be on the show. There's gonna be a wreck a churro That was like would you actually swallow a piece of toothpick? Doesn't count as sustenance. I barely even dipped it in the honey.

All right, just one dip. My bad, my bad. After this show, there is going to be a reckoning. I'm going to pull up all three, Grubhub, Postmates, everything, and there's going to be a real ordering that comes down. I'm getting sushi. I'm getting some sort of sandwich sandwich some sort of like fancy hamburger some french fries with like some green chili uh uh on them i'm gonna get some i'm gonna get some cool stuff desserts coming desserts coming tiramisu

it's gonna be good last night jesus christ like the we're like we recognize the grubhub people now. And there's lots of them. This Asian guy was like, wasn't I here earlier? And I was like, I don't know. Fucking you all. Yeah, I've been here twice. This is on my GPS favorites now. You know?

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I feel, you know when you hear someone's voice and they clearly are having some problems like they're like just like that or you can hear the phlegm like that's how you're sounding right now i'm powering through on this thing i'm not complaining you got it you can do it i'm doing everything i get to fuck it i will myself into uh energetic performance well you know 45 minutes down the hatch, that's three hours. And then Taylor and I can go to the titty bar. They have full nude clubs here. Full nude. We're getting pussy, baby.

They're getting it all out there. Yeah. They'll show you all. That's mandatory in Europe. I'm bringing objects. If they put on a bottom, they say no. If a woman tries to dance with a bottom, she's immediately beaten in stride. Wow.

There you go. So one of the things P.K. taught me and totally sold me after I was convinced. I'm just going to grab it real quick. One second. I don't know what this could possibly be. It could be an auto blow.

That's a good guess. I bet it's going to be that. It's not a dildo this time. They're baby wipes. Oh, that's my influence, isn't it? Yes. So I was like, okay, I have enough money. I have enough money.

I got to step up my lifestyle a little bit. I have enough money. I have enough money. I have enough money. I got to step up my lifestyle a little bit. I'm not like, I'll buy expensive cars or fly private jets or whatever. I'm there in the store. Yes, I'm there in the store. I go,

I'm going to spend a little bit more money and I'm going to buy baby wipes. It has been wow. You want to take it one more level higher and get a portable bidet and you take that thing with you everywhere. I didn't know portable bidets existed.

You just set that bad boy up you're good to go. That's a huge waste of money. Just put your ass in the sink. You just hook it up to the hose outside and run it in through the house. You're like it up to the hose outside and run it in through the house. You're like, all right, turn it on. It's a true revolution. They are outstanding.

Do you have a bidet, too? I don't. No, we're in the house. No. I think they got removed because we do have the streaming stuff. We have a bidet, and that's kind of cool too. It's basically warm water with remarkable aim.

You wouldn't know it. I'd be the operator down there. You know how they say in America I don't know if they say other places where they're like if you shake more than three times you're playing with yourself. In Europe is it like Hans if you sit on the if you shake more than three times, you're playing with yourself. Like in Europe, is it like, Hans, if you sit on the bidet for more than a few minutes,

you're just playing with your asshole. And then you just have to like come in there and get them off. Where it's like, hey, how long have you been cleaning your ass? Dude, he's like back cleaning on the pool bed. It's the cleanest butt ever. Like you can clean your butt in the shower, but you're not, I mean, not typically getting direct jets on your butt. Ah, you get that to tackle wine.

Yeah, I know. I was thinking that too. I always do a handstand in the shower to fix that. Yeah, me too. Okay, there's workarounds. You get your asshole as close as possible to the shower. But yeah, the bidet is pretty good. The wet wipes are good too, though.

They're outstanding. They get everything. With paper, it's like you said. You know in your heart it's not clean, clean. Right? If you stick your hand in shit, you don't go, hey, it's clean.

If somebody got a little bit of shit, of human shit, of your human shit, on your arm, you wouldn't be like, give me a paper towel i go take a full shower and scour the filth from my body right if you get used to a baby wipe feeling ass and then you have to take a public shit and you realize you've got one ply yeah yeah so now when i go traveling i bring baby wipes yeah you have to yeah it's it's i was like i i had to use regular toilet paper again i was like no yeah i'm not doing this plus you can

be you can be precise sometimes one wipe right sometimes two three with toilet paper it's like oh and it could be five or something you're still going yeah yeah yeah and it and it's it's it's five like patch it not not just five five slices but it's like you're going each slice is five slices it's 25 slices yeah you get like five five wipes and it's not never one piece of paper because that's too thin. Nobody ever uses toilet paper with like one square or two squares

at a time. That's bananas. You should be more frugal. I take one square and then split the plies. You split it. Now there are two. And then rip it apart. Put it back together then. Yeah yeah wet wipes are the bomb I keep a pack in my truck

and if I ever have to go in the woods I can leave the woods cleaner than most people leave their bathrooms when's the last time you guys all shat in the woods it's been a while we're just out in the wilderness wilderness, woods I think five

years ago when i was on a road trip had some uh i didn't know i was lactose intolerant um so um i just had some running diarrhea and i was like i need to have a shit and i just ran out pulled my pants down started shitting and obviously all my mates were like, ho, ho, ho, ho, let's take pictures. So in the middle of the night, I went on their shit, deleted everything. Wait, their phones weren't locked? Shit. Well, it was on the computer.

They were, like, ready to share it and shit. Oh, they're on the cloud. They, like, uploaded it. Somewhere out there are those Quibble Cop shitting pics. It's all gone. I make sure it shitting pics. It's all gone. It's all gone. That's funny. I was going shooting with someone

or a few couple people. This was like a year a while back. And it was like just a small hill. No forest, no trees close by, just desert and small tufts of plants. And I realized, like, I don't know, a mile into this wilderness, it's like, I need to take a shit.

And it is not going to last until I get back home. Like, it's not, there's no chance. It's not a, maybe I can hold it. It's not a, perhaps I can ask them to pull off on a gas station after we're done shooting. Keep in mind, this is the middle of the day of shooting. a gas station after we're done shooting keep in mind this is the middle of the day of shooting this isn't like we're wrapping it up like we still got hours ahead i was just like i'm gonna have to take a shit i don't have any supplies to use and i don't have anywhere to go because this is mainly a large flat area and there's not many

places to hide but we ended up shooting uh the clays for the next time we were at the bottom of the hill or the bottom of a very small sloped truck was there and we were shooting off this way and the slope came up about this much about this much a tiny little slope like you wouldn't even hardly notice it and so i had to i was like i have to go to the bathroom and what i would usually do is turn around where i was standing and pee where i felt because whatever it's fine but so but if you start running away after you say i have to go to the bathroom people like yes take a shit and so I have to go to the bathroom and so I start doing like the quick walk which very quickly becomes a slow jog all the way up that incline and then down like probably 80 yards the other way on the other side of that slope

because I had to go so fucking far to make sure that they couldn't just see right over it like and i just squatted took both my socks off and and used my socks on my hands like that you put them on your hands i put them on my hands and then i used it like that and then i would go like this i go all right this this side's ruined but i don't have enough faith in myself to finish the job on that other sock who knows what kind of carnage is back there so you slip your hand and kind of like a little like that yeah it was it was not something unhealthy about either your colon or your diet i i like i don't have this many many shits like emergency shits and problem shits and like taylor how many times did you poop today. How often do you guys poop? I usually, I mean,

I usually am once a day. And the last week has been mayhem. Complete mayhem. I didn't shit the first, I think, three days I was here. I think it was at least, like, the first two days. I didn't shit. It was to the point where I was eating all that food.

I'm like, this is just worrisome. Something's got to give. Just like packing more wadding in a musket. Yeah, just continue. Maybe if I put more chicken wings on top of it, it'll push it through. Speaking of...

Oh, no, never mind. I have a pretty funny shit story. I don't know if I told it last time, but I got my tonsils removed, and they gave me painkillers. So for two weeks, I had to get these crazy, super strong, almost morphine painkillers every single day. So I didn't have any pain, right? So I would take the painkillers and then start having a super weird diet because I couldn't eat much because there's pretty much like it's all open in your throat. You know, you can hardly

swallow stuff. And I'm eating baby food and stuff. a week in i realize i hadn't taken a shit seven days in painkillers and obviously the first thing i i i think about is it's because i've had a shit diet you know a terrible diet i've been eating baby food and uh like it's just smoothies all day um and then i realized what if it's the painkillers suppressing the fact that i have to go for a shit so i i decided okay how about i i i sit through the pain for a second one night and i wait until the um the painkillers wear off a little bit so i did and all of a sudden i can literally just feel it like here like it's there's just a shit there right so i'm like what the fuck do i do now because obviously if you hold a shit for a week all the all the uh it becomes really really hard so um at one point i decided

okay i'm gonna go to the grandmother around no my mom my mom but she was passed out this was back when i was still living at home this is good no no no no no i i i've i've i know about that sorry um so so i'm there on the toilet trying to take a shit for about an hour nothing right this is you know this is i i compared you're gonna blow out carry on king kong's little finger try like his pinky finger trying to come out of your ass um and uh eventually at one point i was like fuck it right and i just pushed as hard as i could um and i was scared she was gonna you know because stuff can happen like a badly bagged grocery you know and um and eventually um eventually I took a shit. And for some reason, I swear, this has to be some stuff in my subconscious. I was proud of it.

I was proud that I took such a big shit. It's like I delivered a baby. I took pictures of it. And I still have these pictures. I know these bubblegum shit pictures were coming out. And it was this big. Like, this big of a shit. Like a

really solid, hard shit. Compare it to an object that we would see in the day-to-day world. Okay. Well, I don't know. Like the bottle. It was that long. No! You shit a 24-ounce bottle? Obviously, the width of my...

All right, well, what kind of girth are we talking about? Obviously, the width of my... Three fingers. I'd say a banana. Okay. The thickness of a banana. That's a powerful poop. And it was hard, hard, hard.

And that's how... I don't know. I was super proud of it. Took a picture, and then I was I was like okay Jordy, you know I'm pretty sure you're not into men Because I went through that pain I was like Never again, you know Just get out at once or was it like you forced it and it was so thick Like it was hanging, you know, It didn't break. It was just one piece.

Just came out. So you didn't have to do the bolt cutter asshole thing where you're like, this isn't coming. Rocking back and forth. Come on! So that was my embarrassing... You have to kick him loose! Kick him loose!

Of course I can't do it. But every so often when I get an exceptional poop, that looks like there's half a liter in volume there. I want to weigh it. The weight is what I really want. How much lighter did I just get? You know? There has to be...

You just weigh yourself before you do it. Well, if I knew that the poop was going to be that extraordinary, that would be the way to go. Oh, you do it every time, and you take very, very detailed notes like the rest of us do. Post Thanksgiving shit. Read my blog.

My first shit after Thanksgiving. My first shit after Thanksgiving, I always feel like I could jump higher. Right? I got so much weight off that it's like man, I really didn't think I ate four pounds of turkey and ham,

but I did. There's a picture, guys. You just linked us to a piece of your shit. Oh my god. Why am I opening it? I'm not joking. I have a huge turd in a toilet. Dude, that is enormous.

It's enormous. It looks like, at first glance glance i was like oh there's a snake in your toilet ah oh that's terrible that's i went i was like uh i guess poop sleuthing when i was a little kid and we were in elementary school and i remember going into the bathroom at one point to go like go pee or whatever and i went into one of the stalls and there was a shit that was so big sitting in that bowl that it couldn't even submerge under the water all the way. Part of it

was peeking out like an iceberg. It was this can of monster energy. Almost. It was so girthy that I was shocked as a kid. I was like, what? What could this be? I was maybe 9 or 10. There was a friend friend was it an elephant i never thought after that i was just like that is the biggest fucking shit i've ever seen in my

entire life where's the man's body who laid that no no i could survive i thought for two or three years that it had to be the janitor at our school and of course it ended up not being the case two or three years later i'm over at a friend's house and i have to take a shit and i go into their bathroom in the basement and there is an unflushed shit sitting in the toilet at my friend's house i was like that's disgusting and i look at it and it's the same size shit to a t it is the only shit that size and i realized that my friend he was the one who has has these enormous girthy shits i never brought it up because it's not something that you do in good company but uh to be like you know anyone you know could be a big shitter i i forget what

it was it my father's had some poop-related health issue or whatever. And my brother, as a kid, didn't flush reliably. And he's a grown man now. I'm sure he does. But as a kid growing up, sometimes he'd forget. And it just came up. My father was like, I can tell that Pat is healthy. He does not have any problems in this category because he was laying some logs out there.

And I'm like, am I okay? And he's like, I don't know. You always flush. If you'd stop flushing, I'd know. A little moment from my childhood. There you go. We've all had a nice poop moment or two. Or a great poop moment.

Cleb's case. I deleted it. I deleted it. I deleted it. I'm like, I don't want to be looking at this for the next hours. I showed it to the fans. Here's a couple of poops I took after a couple of them. I have a new topic.

It's a different kind of topic. If you guys are down. The neighbors behind this house are having a loud outdoor and it's going like you don't fucking say that to me you're going to jail you you're going to jail right fucking now he's i don't fucking care let's go to jail oh they're fighting they're having a fight in the backyard like a fist fight it's too dark i think for you guys are there two guys it's a whole group of people they're having a real white trash throw down um it's uh it's it's pretty extreme i don't i wish i could

go out there and film it or like mic it up or something but they're like we've got a fenced backyard can you open that window i can hear them from here would it help me open that window behind you i'm gonna take you with me we going outside. I'm very excited about this. Yeah, this is really cool. I like the determination. He was just like, you know what? I'm taking you with me. We're going outside. This is going to happen.

Come outside. I'll kill that bitch. That's what they're saying now. Hang on. We're going. It sounds like a guy wants to beat up a girl nah we're loose mostly i don't know where they're staying so you know denver somewhere is that like a white trash place no i wouldn't say that is it is it a place yeah denver i don't even know what it would

be i would guess it's one of the 10 biggest cities in the u.s oh okay so why like i know it by name but i've never been there wow this is actually happening i'm pretty excited about this it should just set up right next to them if there's more to see I'll like change the layout can you hear me okay yeah great so they're over there near where that light is I'm gonna try to give you a view

oh wait if I can so they're over there I don't know if we're going low! We're sneaking! We're sneaking in! Just don't get robbed! How good is his wifi there? I don't know. I'm gonna try and change this so all you see is Kyle. I know people

all you see is me right now, but hang in there. There's a lot of curses and threats being thrown around. Do you really want to do this? Do you really want to do this? We can do this right now. I want to see blood. This is great. I'm going to pop off an ear so I can hear. All right.

So it's hard to see much because it's so dark, but Kyle is full screen. There, you can see Kyle better right now. Yeah, so this is good. I've modified the layout, Kyle, so you own the full screen. There, you can see Kyle better right now. Yeah, so this is good. I've modified the layout, Kyle, so you own the whole screen. Where are you going? Where are you going?

Where the fuck are you going? This is not... That motherfucker right there is fake. All right, I think we should probably go in. No, this is great! Really? I am on the edge of my seat. We're on location here, on Crate Street, in Denver, Colorado.

A disturbance of white trash proportions has broken out next door. What do you hear? Someone just sped away. I think he might have been part of the posse over there. But yeah, over... Those people are upset. Over there is where it's happening. I don't give a fuck.

I don't give a fuck. Oh, I can hear that. Get the fuck out of my face. What did he say? I don't earlier they were yelling I'll fucking kill you I'll fucking kill you yeah at someone that would be a good viral video woody you know easy now going live the Kyle Myers in Ferguson. Kyle, tell us the kind of thing you're seeing there.

Well, next door, the neighbors have broken into a bit of a row. It seems that DeAndre... No, don't do it like David Attenborough. That's strangely racist. The neighbors seem to have trouble getting along. This is common in nature. As competition is impossible to make free from. And the male has secured mating rights for the season. And the standard mate of all of intimidation is,

fuck you, I'll kill you. Are they saying anything else? They're still cursing and stuff, but it seems to have toned down to some degree. Is it as loud as it was when I was out there a second ago? Oh, yeah, for sure. Okay, well, then it's just not getting picked up because it is loud. I feel like it's loud enough that if you – I'm going to become part of the scene too because we're much closer than it appears on camera.

I could hit those people with a rock. If they listen carefully, they'd hear me right now. It's only because they're so angry that they weren't hearing our whole conversation about what assholes they are. Oh, no! Well, see, look, a little bit of live fun. Check the Denver News tomorrow.

Maybe we broke the story. There you go. Get a bit of a little bit alive. Check the Denver News tomorrow. Maybe we broke the story. There you go. Get a bit of a tangle here. Yep. It's always very uncomfortable seeing things like that go down in public. For one, because I know for a fact

there is not any reality in which I am standing on someone else's lawn screaming I will fucking lawn screaming, I will fucking kill you. I will fucking kill you. Like, because I know that, you know, you catch more flies with honey. I like did that last survival trip. Like, there's a reality where that could happen to me. Until you're in that situation.

We don't know what's going on over there. But they were furious enough that it had to be something serious we'll see we'll have we'll have uh our our lowly correspondent chis keep keep watch out there and update us with any more can you tell can you relay that to him kyle he cannot he cannot hear us he's fucking stuff yeah I wonder if he knows he can't hear us

he just he just gave a look of kind of I don't know he just doesn't care you can hear me now right yeah can you hear us

yeah oh okay could you hear us the whole time no because like I stepped away from being sat down I dropped everything

and everything came unplugged, except for the computer. Chiz is recording what's going on now with his phone, so if we get any actual action, we'll do something with it. Awesome. But there are two women screaming at each other right now. It seems to be... It has devolved to a catfight scenario.

Those are never good. Sometimes they're good. Maybe I'm wrong. Let's get some footage, but I also hope that people aren't fighting in public 20 yards from me no I would have the opposite opinion I very much want people to fight 20 yards from me that sounds entertaining

might be the best part of that day you see if two people got into a wild fight 20 yards from me first of all it would soon be three yards because i would go there second i would come home and be like honey the coolest thing happened i saw the fight i love yeah that i would that would be cool i saw some blood yes the concern of like these people are so irate it's kind of like you piss off someone and they just direct their anger at something new. So I feel like if I'm out there watching this fight

and I'm like, oh, and someone gets hit really hard, I'm one step away from the guy doing the punch and being like, I'll fucking kill you too. I'm like, oh, hey, settle down, man. I'm behind this wooden fence. I think I might have stepped in some of that dog shit that people have been throwing into our yard. Just throw dog shit behind the house.

Yeah, they throw dog shit in our yard. That's what they do. Because you're not allowed to leave dog shit where the dog puts it on the ground. You have to keep it with you. And so these people are just picking it up and throwing it in other people's yards. Unless there is a very clever, stealthy dog.

Chiz, come smell my foot. I'm not sure. Dude, I... It might just be be dirt i didn't do it but i very much wanted to do that when i lived in apex so we had dogs and on either side of us because the lots weren't that large they were outdoorsy they were both into gardening they were both into like landscaping and stuff like that. It seemed like every day they'd come home from work and like do shit in their backyards, which is of course they're right. You know, it's their backyard, but my dogs are freaking out. I felt like we couldn't let them outside because they would bark over the fence and stuff. Like suddenly I didn't have a backyard

because they were always outside in theirs. Like don't know. I never had privacy because they were always right next to my backyard. My daydream, my fantasy of getting even was just throwing the dog shit over in the landscaping they carefully maintained, but I didn't do it. Sure. They would know where it came from with those turds.

If you really wanted to get them, you'd have to go somewhere and find some normal fucking dog shit. Because they see there's dino turds in their yard. They're going to come right to your door. They assumed it was my turd. They're going to be like, did you leave this in my yard? We know that you told your daughter.

Yeah, that would be disgusting. We know you're having your children shit in our yard at night we don't know there's no way that came from an animal that was the thing too like if all if my dogs bark we're out there like lickety split handling it their dogs would bark for like 20 fucking minutes and uh i just want to be like if those are the rules then we could all follow those rules like i'm down with those rules i'll have my dogs with their paws on the fence just barking like maniacs at you for 20 minutes for the same height yeah yeah i just like why do you think it's okay for your dog to be on like your little back porch snapping away because they're tiny little shit dogs like if your car alarm is going off right out front of your house

and you don't immediately go like oh oops tick tick you're an asshole you don't go like well i'm gonna finish preparing the chicken part of the dinner and then get this garnish done and then i'll go over there and and take care of that like yeah that's shitty i don't even in that neighborhood i felt like using the car alarm was in play like just dude like there's never been a robbery in that neighborhood since the neighborhood was founded 20 years ago there's never been a robbery foiled by a car alarm. Yeah, right?

Who among us hears a car alarm in a parking lot and is like, oh dear, trouble's about? I don't even know what I'm – I realized the other day I was somewhere, and a car alarm started going off. And it probably was like eight, ten minutes of it, a ludicrous amount of time to the point where it almost becomes background noise because you get used to it. And I was just was just kind of realizing like that could be my car i have no idea

what mine sounds like because i've never paid attention and i've never set it off but your first thought is always just like this some asshole is being inconsiderate when it should be someone could be being robbed you know could be but it never is right if you're good if you're gonna have to steal a car you're smart enough to turn that off right away right i had it with my uh my neighbor's house over here um the alarm went off for two days straight two days whatever danger it was alarming them up they are long dead that may be why the alarm is still going off yeah so we were like did they get murdered so i kept calling the the guy that owns this place or the guy that takes care of it i'm like yeah the alarm has been going off the entire day he's like oh yeah but we don't work on sundays right so the

next morning i call again like it's been going off all night uh we're getting pretty crazy over here it's like okay i'll send someone over he'll take care of it so the next day finally they turn it off turns out the house is up the house is for sale nobody lives there uh probably a tree or a bird or a cat set off the alarm um but we were like at one point rob your neighbor oh it's a pretty nice house you know like they won't even check like the alarm went off nobody came nobody was like i assume consider if my alarm goes off i'm like panicking i'm getting grabbing the remote i'm like oh no no it's a mistake i don't want the police to come over right right for 10 seconds this alarm goes off for two days

Nobody gives a fuck right so It's pretty useless That's a long time. I would go crazy to no no joke when I'm saying two days it legit window When days yeah that the house the property is pretty big so when we're in the bedroom we could barely hear it and sometimes it would go quiet but it was crazy new topic yeah you guys yes i have well we could do the trump stuff that we always do but i had a different idea i so i don't know if this will work sometimes you try something new works doesn't sex needs a new metaphor right so this is the concept that

we're working with right now we have baseball we all know first base second base third and then the home run is typically sex I've heard fifth base described as anal what if we were to come up with a new metaphor for the different sex things to describe what you got. We're going to do this as a team. Does it have to be sports things? It doesn't have to be anything. You can see downs getting laid. You could be like, you know how if you have to be like,

hey, let's have sex. She's like, I'm not in the mood or whatever. That's your first down. Your first down. You talk to her maybe an hour later. You've given her a little bit of a foot rub. Hey talk to her maybe an hour later you've given her a little bit of a foot rub hey let's maybe move away and oh you know and she gives you she gives that like fake neck rub of like i'm not interested and i don't want to be honest about it i got good then you go ah damn it second down and then you for every down and then if you get and then if you get the fourth down either either you give up on the whole thing,

or you punt her, you kick her real hard, and you just go for it. You catch her off guard. And, of course, that's the trick play is what that is. That's a trick play. She thinks you're giving it away, but really you come in and hit her real hard when she's not looking. This is a whole different kind of metaphor. Taylor's gone for the oh the

conversions i mean he's not getting anything right it wears first base second base is kissing up the shirt etc i i had cars in my head i don't know if this works but like what if first base was like a honda you know she gave me a civic and second base could be like that. I got a Pagani last night. Never going to catch on. She gave me a nice sip. I went from Ferrari straight to Austin Martin. Man, we were grand marqueeing all over each other until the sun came up. You know that she gave me a Mercury Sable, the likes of which you've never seen. Just some shit cars.

A quickie would be a Tesla, right? Is that a Tesla with her? What would anal be? I'm trying to think of what a Cadillac would be. I'm headed in the other direction. Would a Cadillac be some sort of time-taking all-night-long Ford Probe?

Give her the Ford Probe. Come on, nobody. I like it. is the I made up I made up with this girl one I don't know electric that's when you use bellows those old-timey bellows to fill her asshole up with a lot of air and then you start fucking and as you do she's in she's convulsive. She's impulsively farting She can't stop it and that is a Thunderbird Motorcycle with a sidecar would that somehow be in toys involved? What a five-point harness be Bart a bondage a

Five point. No they already have Boy I guess on the jink cars No, they already have bondage. Bondage in cars. It works. Or we could go some whole other direction. I don't know. I'm just trying to think of the sports stuff. But I think the reason they use baseball is because it works so much better than hockey where it's like, hey, you just got another shot on net.

You know, turned it away. But, you know, eventually you'll get something. Well, football, you can do the yard lines and do something very similar, but with more detail, right? So football has 100 yard lines. You can break it down by 10. Instead of just kiss up the shirt, down the pants, sex, which is the old school way.

Now blowjobs are in there somehow. Bowling. Bowling. Bowling. Again. Yeah, that's good. What about a threesome? How would you describe a threesome? That's when you fuck a chick with only one leg.

A triple play. A conversion. You could have a touchdown and a threesome would be a two-point conversion. No, a threesome would be a field goal no threesome would be a field goal now a two point it does sound like a field goal i was just trying to say better than a touchdown better than it yeah see the problem with these with making up metaphors is that if i tell anyone like yeah you know we i thought we were getting along really well but it took me till third down to get anything done or whatever they They'll be like, what the fuck are you talking about? What does that mean? And I'll be like,

Oh, see, I do a podcast. And so let me now give you the backstory on the metaphor. So you can know when I use it again, the presumption is that we are King and we are going to establish new cultural norm. Yeah.

We already have a culture victory and reestablishing all of urban the baseball thing really is lacking detail it doesn't explain a lot of things that you might want to know I think it leaves plenty of room in there where's the blowjob in baseball is that third base

I thought that was third see now when I was a kid getting down her pants was third for me it was second. Or maybe it was second. I don't know. For me, it was second, yeah. Wait, a blowjob was second? I've heard it as second and third. What could third be? Blowjob wasn't even incorporated into the bases.

It was a kiss was first base, and then touching her boobs was second base, and touching her vagina was third base, and then fucking was home run. You don't incorporate things that she does to you. These are things that you do to her. That's how baseball works. So how how how we did it my age um first base was kissing second base was you know the fingers third base was like a blow job or the other way around and then home run would be having sex i think that is the new revised standard yeah i think that's what the kids are doing now i uh yeah at some point i was telling stories over gameplay which you know about

sex as you do and uh i mentioned that i'd gotten to third base at some very young age like 12 or 13 and people were very impressed that like someone blew me but that is not true we just had a different base structure at the time oh yeah the the whole baseball thing like i don't know it's weird because i've never heard anybody seriously say yeah i got to second base or we got to third base or anything like it's only we did like like tongue in cheek like oh as adults I don't say it at all. But like when you were in like whatever, ninth grade at 14 years old, and you wanted to know, like, dude, what happened? What'd you get?

You could say third base without like, I don't know, being overly crude about it, right? That's true because at that age, you could just say, oh, got to third base. And they'd be like, oh, oh nice and give you a little fist bump instead of being like in the hallway loudly around the other girls being like yeah she did this thing where she put my penis in her mouth and it was dope.

I didn't think she'd do it because it's going slowly but you know. Like I said third base was not a blowjob when I was a kid. There was no base for that. Are they still fighting out there, so Someone call the cops call the cops and report it call the cops report it We'll get a show for this we'll get a show for this you want to you guys want to call the cops on the air and

Report this to servants. I'll do yeah, yeah, it is what's going on Cuz I find me the find the sheriff's department for this region I just know I came for the fucking best episode in TK history, okay? We're calling the cops. This is exciting. Do you have to give the cops your name? I don't give them my phone number. Dude, why are you worried?

Because then they might come over here and start talking to me, and I don't want to be talked to. I'm not going to be a witness of any kind. What if I end up having to report a crime? They're going to come ask you about it, I would think. Yeah, they'll come talk to me. But you can do anonymously, right? Yeah, unless I use my fucking cell phone.

Well, you can call anonymously from your phone, too. I don't... They can probably track it. I would suggest finding the Sheriff's Department and then just call it from Skype, and then that way the audience gets to hear all that we can record. That's an amazing idea. I don't know if we can record a that's an amazing idea i don't i

don't know if we can record a sheriff's department though i don't know radio yeah we can yeah yeah you can yeah i'm fucking all right give me the sheriff's department's number give me um tell me okay i'm gonna go for a piece i'm gonna have to get up in a second go back out there because i can't hear any tomfoolery or hollering or anything back there. It will be baffling if these people have not been reported for a disturbance already because even if you guys can't tell how loud it actually is,

if we were five houses down the street, we'd be able to hear. Yeah, sure, five. Hyperbole. Fuck it. We'd be able to hear from a ways away. There's a road right back here. That would tell us. There's a road right behind the house.

Give me the intersection of that. I have it. I have the number. What's the name of the road that runs into Great? That's 29th and the backyard that's running into Great? that's 29th in the backyard that's running into Gray's. Okay, so it's between 29th and Glencoe. Okay.

So are we, you guys are actually going to call the police? Yeah. We'll get them out here and hopefully they'll be, we'll be able to film that. Oh my God. All right, Kyle, you'll do the talking? Yeah. So it's between East 29th Avenue and Glencoe on Gray. Are you allowed to do this?

Yes. It is a disturbance. I can hear them in the house, through the house, and through an open door. They're way there. Right now you're hearing them? Yeah. Like through my headset. I can hear like, they're that loud.

They're yelling about being on a period or something. I'm trying to call it somehow I don't know how to do this between Glencoe and 29th Avenue so I'm going to turn off people's video because I don't know what's going to show so I'm going to enter the phone number. Kyle, you ready?

Yes. I've added them to the group call. It's not ringing. No, I don't hear it either. Give it a moment. Does that look like a valid number? Did I make a mistake? It should work. You have reached the Metro Crime Stoppers tip line.

Please stay on the line and the next available operator will be with you shortly. Between Glencoe and 29th Street on Great. That's as close as you can get. Okay, cool. Unless you want to say it's a service road. They are screaming so loud. They are screaming so loud. You have reached the Metro Crime Stoppers tip line.

Please stay on the line in the next available operating room. You think it's hard to get through at Walmart when you just want to call a duty? Try to report a crime in Denver. They're stabbing. All right, now imagine right now that they're trying to kick my door in, and I don't have a gun and I'm Just good. I'm sure they'll answer any minute This is why you don't this is why you need a gun in America Crime stoppers hi, I wanted to report a

Disturbance I'm on a great street here in Denver between 29th Avenue and Glencoe And there are people in this cross streets to make sure I'm correct. Yeah, I'm on Grape Street here in Denver between 29th Avenue and Glencoe. And there are people in the... Can you just cross streets to make sure I'm correct? Yeah, I'm on Grape Street. And between the intersections of Glencoe and 29th Avenue, there are people in the street three to four, and they're really screaming and creating a big disturbance. And it's been going on for maybe an hour.

They're fighting. They're threatening each other. Okay, sir. Look, I'll go ahead and take the information from you, and we'll forward it to the Denver Police Department. It's been going on for maybe an hour. They're fighting. They're threatening each other. Okay, sir. Look, I'll go ahead and take the information from you, and we'll forward it to the Denver Police Department, but this is not the phone number you call for incidents that are ongoing at the moment. This is primarily for incidents that have happened and that are under investigation. So you just have to call either 911 for emergencies or the non-emergency phone number for the Denver Police Department.

Okay, but you'll forward it for me? I'm not from Denver. I didn't know what to do. Yeah, that's okay. Yeah, we can forward the information over to them. I'll call them after we're done here. What's the phone number you're calling from? I'm calling from Skype. I don't have a phone here, so. Okay. And I know you said there's a disturbance going on, but tell me exactly what happened. Just out, we can hear people screaming in the street. There's three to four people out there sort of pushing, shoving can hear people screaming in the street. There's three to four people out there

sort of pushing, shoving, threatening each other in the street. There looks like two females and a male that I see, but can't really tell what's going on. Just lots of screams. I can hear them from where I'm sitting in my house. Okay. So I just wanted to let you guys know because we're trying to get to sleep. Thank you.

Sir, can you actually see them from where you're at? Yes, yes I can. How many are involved? It looks like three to me, but there's been a fourth individual that kind of cycles in and out I think. It's dark, it's kind of hard to say for sure. But definitely three. They're in the street, like by a car that's parked on the street.

Is it physical at all? They've sort of shoved each other back and forth, but mostly threats so far. Threats of, like, I'll call the police, and the other person saying I'll beat you up this bad or that bad. Lots of physical threats. Any weapons involved? Not that I've seen. And you said you didn't see any weapons? No.

No, nothing like that. Just lots of threats and a little shoving and people in each other's faces. It's mostly just they're being very, very loud. All right. Any mention of drugs or alcohol? Any mention of drugs or alcohol that you heard? No. Okay.

What color car are they next to? What color car is that? It's like an Audi. It's like a dark-colored Audi, like a mid-sized Audi that's in the street. They're right there by you. Okay, can you see them well enough to get descriptions? No sir, I can't. I've honestly, actually, I'm trying to get back to bed. I should let you go. I just really wanted to get to sleep. Okay, and do you want the number to the Denver Police Department? No sir, not if you're going to forward this information on for me.

Okay, in the future, though, if something like this is going on, you have to contact him. Do you just want to write down the phone number? I don't want to. No, I'm just visiting Denver. I won't be here tomorrow, so it won't come of consequence. I just want to get some sleep for my flight. Sure, and your name? Jim. What's your last name, Jim?

Do I have to give you a real name? I really just want to do this anonymously, to be honest. Like, I just wanted to get some sleep. I don't want to be a party to anything. That's okay. Okay. We've got the information, and we'll get it forwarded. And, again, Crime Stoppers is for things that are under investigation.

I understand. It won't happen again. I won't bother you with this sort of thing again. But thank you. Thanks, Jim. Good night. Good night. Okey-dokey. Well, that that's done they're on the way kyle's a real half-ass good samaritan isn't he like you know what do they look like i can't be bothered to step outside

how many are there yeah you know it's dark it's it's uh yeah it's it's a police their job right to go and check it out you don't have to give them fucking your life story. Three human adults wearing clothes, seems to be. Standing under the night sky near a vehicle of sorts. Looks like they just decided to turn the lights off. You gave them the address, right? That's all they need. Yeah, the base and location.

Yeah. I don't think anything's going to come of that. They're probably just going to ignore it, right? Actually, I don't know. They seem like they don't have to. Because that dude would have... Yeah. You call, they come.

That's how it works. They're coming. In like an hour. It may not... I would bet it happens on this show. I bet it... I'm staying until it happens okay they're gonna be there inside of 15 20 minutes we'll see we'll get to test the response time of the denver pd

so get that clock i don't know if this is a totally fair response time because we basically gave it to a dude to give it to them you know yeah that's how they had guns and loads of drugs they were in their foster that's a false police report. A crime is another way to put it in here in America. That's why I didn't want to... He was like, we got to get your name because then you end up being...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then what happens is like something bad happens over there and then I'm a witness in this like shooting that happened across the street or stabbing or police involved,

drug arrest or whatever. I don't want to... I'm Jim, all right? I'm flying out tomorrow. I don't want to be a party to this. Just please quiet them down. Or better yet, come with some flashing lights so I can show up on my podcast.

I like how no mention of the fact that we're doing this on a podcast. No. This is taking prank calls to a whole new level. I was thinking that. Actually, if this were a prank, we're swatting people on stream, but we're the idiots. We did not swat anyone. We gave 100% accurate

information about a real disturbance. That's true. Teamster lives there. Teamster lives there. It really is. That's one of the loudest public arguments I've heard. It's usually a loud public argument. You're outside of a bar or you're outside of a restaurant

or outside somewhere where there's a lot of more people like it's rare i feel like that where you see just people in a yard screaming at each other like if i hated someone enough that we were screaming and furious i'd at least be like all right we'll come inside you know we'll yell at each other in the dining room because we're not complete pieces of shit who scream on the front yard and it's like hey everyone within five houses of me, fuck you. I don't care. I don't care about you.

I don't care if you don't want to hear our little bickering. I'm just going to keep yelling. So, I don't know. That's irritating. Have your fighting alone in your home like an adult. And then you can, you know, get away with your shoving and your pushing, those two ladies who are not keen on one another. Anyway, we'll see how it pans out.

Do you guys have any public disturbances we can follow along? I mean, I could start yelling at Jackie. You could start yelling at me. All right, so we're on one side of the coin. Now one of you needs to go decide who is going to start a public okay i'll i'll take this for the team what would it what would be the thing you would say in spain to get

a bunch of spanish people like upset like not like a racial epithet or whatever i don't even know what that would be in spain but like bullfighting like soccer fucking blows soccer is sucks dick or like whatever well calling it soccer then you would already you know you're off to good start many people unintentional trolling there we go i don't know like i hate that the english like look down on you for calling it soccer as if they didn't invent that word yeah i i've never like it seems like british people even online not just brit people from other places, they just call it soccer a lot of the time now because that's how Americans know it. And it's annoying to have to be like, hey, we were playing football. They'd be like, American football or traditional football?

They call it soccer. It's not as if Americans invented the word soccer. We got it from English because we speak English, and they came up with soccer. When did they switch it back to football? It was not long ago, like in the 90s or something. When we started calling it soccer, I bet. Right? Yeah.

As soon as America started doing well in the World Cup, you know, that one time we hosted it with all those international players on our team. We hired a bunch of French people to help us win. How many times has America won the European football competition? Does anyone know? I'm thinking zero. Am I on target? I have no idea. What does that mean, European football competition?

Is that like a country? Maybe like – Do you mean the World Cup? No, EU. EU. There's an EU competition? I have no idea. Yeah.

How often? Are we supposed to? I have no idea. Yeah. How often? Are we supposed to guess? Or do you know? Yeah. No, I know. You guys are supposed to guess. Zero times. Are we in it?

What about you, Woody? No. Of course not. Right. That's the thing. It's the European one. I was like, you guys have yet to win a Super Bowl. Yeah.

The hockey teams from The Netherlands are doing well in Canada. Zero, because all those fucking Canucks play all day. Same thing. Yeah, that's... Everybody here calls it football, and then all my American friends say soccer, so I just

switch it up a little bit. Same as bin and trash can. I know, yeah. throw it in the bin or uh or um chips and uh fries yeah that one's stupid once chips became popular like potato chips they should have switched that to fries it just makes more sense that would have been helpful for everyone uh the bin for trash can i give it to them i give them the point on that matchup because trash can it's not so rough it sounds like is that like grouchy and grimy and shitty bin is just oh that's just where you put things throw it in the bin so when i imagine a bin i imagine you know you tossing a little piece of paper in the bin. When I imagine a trash can, I'm thinking, oh, there goes the turkey.

Yeah, so fish bones or whatever else you're dumping in there. Kyle, well, Kyle can't hear us right now, but I asked for his advice on burning chicken feathers. Dude, I had so many feathers to burn. We had this big couch, and we decided not to use these, like, things on the back. So, anyway, picture, like, 18 inches thick, maybe 2 1⁄2 feet tall, and 12, 14 feet wide. And we had that many. We had, like, cubic yards of feathers to burn. And sure enough, it smells like burnt human hair, but I did not

care because that shit was out of my garage. And Jackie was like, no, no. And then she said to me what you wouldn't think you'd have to say, just because something can burn doesn't mean it's a good idea. And I was like, I talked to Kyle on this. He assured me that feathers burn just fine. And he's an expert in feather burning. He comes from a family. He comes from a long line of chicken farmers. I made that part up. Well, it's half sort of right. A short line of chicken farmers.

Depends what you think is a long line. They burn fine. I've burned pillows before with a flamethrower. I've seen them melt down. It's like animal matter of some kind. It's dead hair. Each one of my pillows would be like six

bed pillows and I had three of them to burn. It would be like burning 18 pillows at one time. It worked out great. They're all gone. Fantastic. It's just funny how easily you can mention that you burned something or melted it with a flamethrower. Like, not that you ever would, Jordy, but what would you do?

Like, if you had to get a gun. Like, if someone out there, like some crazy fan was like, you know, you got like a scary, you know, phone booth style phone call. I know mixed martial arts, first of all. So, you know. No, but you know that he says, I'm coming for you, and I've got it. It's not Jesse Ventura, though. It's not Jesse Ventura who's coming to kill you. It's just some other guy.

I've got a gun. It's Mr. T. I don't even have to find you. I fucking know where you are. I'm going to get you. I'm going to be there tonight, motherfucker. It's not too hard to find a place. What would be your first move?

Is there any way to legally do it, where you could go do an express? Here in Spain, yes, you can get hunting rifles. But I guess, you know, I'm not a big gun guy, but I've seen some videos, probably just like a shotgun. One that you pump. Bam. One that takes like eight bullets.

You know, like, what is it, Remington or, I don't know, something called Judy's. I know my guns a little bit. Yeah, get the 870, get the Mossberg 500. Yeah, and then... You know what, if you just go into the gun store and say you want the one that goes, bang! You want that Arnold Pass, right? They'll come.

Yeah. They just want your nade right there. Yeah. You kind of put that gun down, but that would be a first choice for a lot of people for home defense. Oh, for sure. It's aim. You don't even have to aim right.

You just aim somewhere. Maybe you just aim at the door. Got a good spread. If you hit someone with it, it's not like getting shot with a pistol. It's so much more. Like, they don't even measure the amount of, like, projectile that comes out of a shotgun and grains.

Like, they do everyone else this weird term. Oh, it's 90-grain bullet. Like, that doesn't mean anything to most people. It's ounces. It's you getting an ounce of lead at you at a time. Or more, usually. It's a whole different shot. Do you know how many grains are in an ounce?

How many grains are in an ounce? It's like 1,600 or something. It's a whole different Do you know how many grains are in an ounce? How many grains are in an ounce? It's like 1600 or something. It's a whole bunch. Convert grains to ounces. One grain converts to about 0.00229 ounces. I really should have gone the other way.

Convert ounces to grains. No, but Woody, this is a simple math way. Convert ounces to grades. No, but Woody, this is a simple math problem. Convert ounces to grades. Oh, she has grades. Here's some information. I totally think that the shotgun is the right approach for the home defense. Sniper. Definitely not a sniper.

You don't want to kill the neighbor three houses down. You're dead anyways 400 oh yeah 37.5 37.5 437.5 oh it's a whole bunch maybe maybe a handgun yeah i don't know handgun i wouldn't there's so much harder to shoot kyle you obviously have way more experience if you if someone was like I have no gun experience, I'm looking to defend my home, you would say shotgun for sure. You want a nice spread.

You want the shotgun, or maybe you want one of the pistols that is a shotgun, one of the ones that can shoot towards him. Yeah, like the Judge or the... What's the other one? I don't have the Judge. Some people don't like those. Some people feel like they don't penetrate you know a pistol-based shotgun like the judge um i read that too well it depends what kind of

someone else who act who seemed they were on reddit so who fucking knows but it's on the guns one and he was like here's why everybody who says that this defender or taurus judge isn't going to kill you is an idiot and then he broke down this huge thing and by the end of it i'm like well fuck like maybe this is a good idea and then but who knows maybe he's just a sales rep for for taurus kyle does that a little bit too but with birdshot there are people who are like birdshot won't even shoot through a card heart and kyle's like you ever shoot a tree birdshot shit will fuck you up so i've shot trees down with birdshot yeah it just depends on the range range is so important with everything obviously because it's affecting the velocity

You know up close the book. It's up close. It's an ounce It doesn't matter that that birdshot is seven and a half eight eight nine shot really tiny pellets of lead Because it's all in one tight wad that weighs an ounce that's moving 1200 one to 1500 feet per second and if it hits you you know, close enough before that thing is spread out, then it just blows a hole through you that you can look through. I mean, you know, that birdshot shoots through, like, steel plate and door locks and all that stuff. It's vicious. So out of that.410 pistol, I've shot buckshot, and it's not many.

It's, like, three or four buckshot. I've also shot these rounds that are like um the projectiles are cylindrical but they stack on top of each other like um like perfectly like pellets that stack on top of each other and interlocked one into the other like they plug into one another um and i've seen uh obviously rat shot and and slugs and they make slugs but but the main thing that you would do is the um the 45 long colt because it also shoots this 45 long colts and the in the one i've got i don't remember what that one's called i haven't it's loaned to my dad he's had it in his bedroom for like two years or

something but a shotgun get to get it done yeah 12 gauge will kill fucking anything man you can take that 12 gauge shotgun that you buy at walmart Walmart and shoot doves with it, or you could kill an elk with it, or you kill a bear with it. It does everything, as little or as much as you want. You can take the shotgun shells apart and put fucking rock salt in them or dimes or a jawbreaker. Put your knives and forks in a blender and then put that shit in there. Kyle, I know you've done this a ton. What is something that you put in there that you thought, this will be funny, it'll just kind of flutter out or do something like that,

and then you shot it and it ended up being devastating? Are there any examples of stuff like that? The first time I put an arrow in a shotgun shell, I was shocked at how accurate it was and the penetration power it had. And all I did was just load up a shotgun shell and put an arrow down the barrel into the open shotgun shell without any shot in it, just a

packing. It shot that goddamn arrow so fast, so accurate, so hard. I aimed it at a mannequin's head and I hit him in the eye. It worked. I was shocked by that. I bought these 20 gauge impact slugs one time and the projectile was the fuse

of a much larger artillery explosive so it's but it detonated on impact and the projectile was the perfect size to fit in a 20 gauge shell so I just went and bought a 20 gauge shotgun just to shoot this ammo that I had found and when it impacted

huge explosion really devastating so so those were fucking cool that's kind of a homemade shotgun round I guess back when you know my video my channel was kind of peaking and stuff I made this video where I took apart like I took a big knife and I showed people what was inside a shotgun shell because most of my audience were gamers and a lot of them were like 14 and stuff and didn't really have experience with like what these rounds were like. So I showed them what was inside and I just casually mentioned like,

you know, you could take these like buck out and put like an arrow here or other things and shoot whatever you want out of a shotgun. Well, CNN picked up the story and said like, you know, YouTuber teaches people how to make custom rounds and you know, isn't this irresponsible and stuff like that. But it didn't hurt my feelings.

At the time, some stuff would get under my skin. I was just like, no money, I don't care, you know. And what you want to say to the person at CNN is, do you really think I came up with a more deadly round in my backyard than Remington was able to come up with? Do you think that the people at Winchester are looking at my video going, ah, we never considered shoving an aluminum arrow down there.

What were you thinking, boys? That's lethal. You put your silverware in a blender and then, oh, that beats what we do. There's a whole boardroom at Federal Ammo right now with a guy just playing your video looking at this boardroom of people being like, do you have any explanation for how we missed this?

This guy's this back fucking yard. There was another one. I just, so I was at, I was at Kyle's house and we, I was shooting a dragon's breath and I threw like spray paint in the air and I actually hit the can but it didn't do anything cool so I threw it up again and I shot it and I hit it again we put it in slow-mo but then you look out in the field and the Dragon's Breath had landed in like eight different spots so

I had to go up there and stomp on it and it was kind of growing at about the same rate I could stomp so I wasn't making it was make I don't know if I would have got it on my own or not, but Kyle came up and helped. And we put it in fast motion into some music or whatever. Glenn Beck picked that shit up and wrote this thing about irresponsible gun ownership and all that.

But again, I was like, eh, more money. I don't care. And nothing irresponsible about that. It's fucking cool as shit. I think I'm the only first person to ever do that shit. Just throwing those paint cans up there and shooting with the Dragon's Breath. They explode. It's great. Sometimes. Yeah, sometimes.

I don't know what I did differently than you. It has to be close. There's some determining factors. Maybe the shot that's intermixed with your particular Dragon's Breath round wasn't the larger shot. Maybe you didn't hit it dead center. Maybe you're using a modified choke instead of a full choke. Maybe that's a hardy paint can.

Maybe that paint can's rotation was to the bottom facing you rather than the side where the walls are thinner and more easily punctured. To get that every single time, you just tape a road player or even better, a fuse. You just tape cannon fuse to the length of the cannon, light it and toss it up, and hit it with a real bird shot. But does you don't get the the imagery of you know dragon's

breath going up and hitting it and like 200 300 frames per second that shit looks so cool it looks like magic it looks like you just cast a harry potter style spell on the can yeah so i that was fun when shit got picked up and ran with like that yeah I'm sure you got I'm sure you getting electrocuted this is the third week in a row I'm gonna plug Woody's video uh it's called uh um I'll bark if I want to god damn it it's him getting uh electro shocking himself with a dog collar that one got picked up by a few people I saw that around the the web and the the uh the world I suppose yeah we were talking a couple weeks ago about it. I've never had a 2 million view video. For all my videos, I've had a bunch at 1 million,

but I have a pair of them at 1.9. So I guess Kyle's been using this show to get me a 2 million. I'm going to have it someday. Maybe. Yeah, so go check that out. I had a few more views to that. That video got picked up by America's Funniest Home Videos. So every so often they get on TV.

Not one of the winners though, unfortunately. No. Remember when Bob Saget would do that $10,000 winner? I wonder if there was ever anyone who like faked some shit to like try to get on there. I'm not saying – it's very unlikely they faked some shit and won. But we know some people faked some like funny videos in their backyard. Right. Like try to get Bob's $10,000.

How many failures and like ruined afternoons and like nut shots yeah there's a lot of sterile men trying to get 10 grand yeah if you haven't watched in a long time go back and watch the old family funniest home videos or whatever don't watch too much because it's not a great show but watch a bit and it will jump out at you as so obvious which ones are fake. Because when that was a big show, YouTube wasn't out. It wasn't a thing. You didn't know. You didn't

have this bullshit sensor where you can watch a prank video that's professionally done with a guy who's a very compelling charismatic host, and then he'll do one thing, like step a little too close to someone like in a way that's not familiar that you wouldn't do with someone that you didn't already know and people are like boom ha ha ha everyone fake fake fake it's not real like but back then

well if you saw something that was fake you went that is so fake then you kept watching it like on tv like that was it so i don't think I remember America's Funniest Home Videos like it seemed like show after show after show where people chopping down trees with a chainsaw landing dead center on top of a car like like you know oh my you know who would have thought to you know guess where the tree should land

yeah they got it landed on the car with no license plates right right yeah we just happened to have like a 1984 ford fairmont laying here by the tree we're chopping down and oh woe is me so yeah that nowadays of course your bullshit sensor is on the peak performance yeah everybody's is like every like it's not if you're i think if you're like above 60 70 maybe you're more susceptible to it a little bit because you'll still get stuff. That's why they watch Fox News.

Yeah. They're more susceptible to stuff like – oh, what was it? Like when my grandma told me about bath salts as a real concern. Like don't you try bath salts because I was in college when that zombie thing happened a few years back. And I was like I'm not going to do bath salts. It's not even a concern. Like, it's not even something. If you told me, Taylor, I need you to find bath salts for me or someone you care about is in trouble, I'd be like, I have no idea.

I don't know what to do. Like, who do I talk to? Do I find a normal drug dealer? And then go, all right, so I know that you sell marijuana and whatever else you do do you have like a secret menu like you can go into chipotle and ask for a quesarito and they'll begrudgingly make you something but like this you wouldn't know what to ask i don't know i don't know i wonder if kyle or if something happened with the fucking cop. Yeah, it sounded like he was trying to get in. Are the police there? You saw lights?

No, I'm joking. Is Kyle's window pointing toward the show? Towards the craziness? We'll see. No, it's not pointing to... It wouldn't be the right side of the house? No, it's a different side of the house.

So it's been 20 minutes. The police should be here around now. Kyle, did the police come? It's a good thing that no one's pounding my door down trying to get in because they'd have murdered me, raped my dead body, and then rifled through my belongings effectively and fled the scene and went to IHOP by now. They'd be gone.

Oh, IHOP. That reminds me. All right, so you want to tell the IHOP story? The IHOP story. I'll let you spin the yarn. About Chiz and how IHOP affected him. Oh, you go ahead. All right, so we're playing Magic.

We've been playing maybe three or four hours. It was a couple nights ago. And it was time for third, fourth meal. I'm not sure which. You lose count. And I wasn't that hungry, but I was like, oh, you're ordering? Yeah, sure. Give me one of these things and one of those things and a drink. Chiz was going to order IHOP. That's the beauty of this. You get things delivered that

don't normally get delivered. I probably got that across by now, but IHOP delivered. I'm like, yeah, give me the sampler with the pancakes and the bacon and the eggs and oh how you we're all figuring out how we want our eggs cooks you know everybody's getting a sampler platter 20 minutes go by he goes they they canceled the ihop order it's they couldn't do it it's it's too late they they canceled it and i was like oh well no big deal you know i'll play my one man okay and taylor's like oh that's shucks no no breakfast it was like chiz's dog died it was like it was like it something came over him he was so drained and dejected when ihop was removed from his future he had it all planned

he was like got this i got that, the Belgian waffle, the cream, the stuffed French toast, whatever he ordered. And then all of a sudden, that idea was taken away. We were like, you want to come play Magic? He's like, no. No. And like, didn't even turn his head back to us. No. No, I don't want to play.

I don't think I want to do anything anymore. I don't know. IHOP's not an option. Yeah, CrippleCop, you thought you had bad news. Imagine what she's going through. I'll do that for him now. I'll send him a message afterwards. You should.

By the way, I am starving. What are we going to eat tonight? What meal should happen tonight? This is our last evening here. What should we going to eat tonight? What meal should happen tonight? This is our last evening here. What should we eat? What are you feeling? I'm not picky. I will eat whatever.

I kind of want IHOP. I'm going to admit I'm kind of wanting IHOP, but I would be okay with ordering Qdoba and make sure that they, or any burrito place, I want to actually get the quesadilla on the outside of the burrito. Get the quesarito. That would be cool. I'd do that. A chicken burrito.

You know, I'm up for options. We could do that sushi for two that you ate the other night by your fucking self. He talks about my eating habits. The order was called sushi for two. And he sat over there and ate the entire fucking thing. it came with a dollop

of wasabi as big as a golf ball and he finished the whole thing it was impressive oh it's so good yeah is a is a food that you can eat a ton of and at the end you can pretend like it was good for you healthy like if it's just like you didn't eat a pound of rice yeah exactly you can be like oh it's like the rice doesn't even exist. It's hidden under this piece of healthy omega-3 salmon. This at least negates that. Well, it is kind of healthy, though, right? It is healthy,

but if you get the kind that's got rice in it, you're just eating a ton of carbs anyway, which is why you need sashimi, just the strips of meat. But I like the nigiri. I want the rice. I want to dip it in a little soy sauce and a little wasabi on there. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. Well, let's nigiri. I want the rice. I want to dip it in a little soy sauce and a little wasabi on there. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. Well, let's do that. Sushi sounds good.

Sushi does sound good. I think we should order two meals each, though, and mix things up a little bit. I think we should order sushi and a second option. My two meals will be sushi for two. Make sure to order it all at the same time. Oh, yeah. Ready, set, go. Ready, set, play. two you know make sure to order it all at the same time oh yeah he said go ready set play you

know this is what we're doing so according to rt question more two out of three germans believe that racial profiling is necessary for effective police conduct are these germ Germans right or wrong? Is racial profiling, you think it's right? Yeah, they're right. Racial profiling is necessary for good law enforcement. Sometimes, it's not always, it depends on the racial makeup of your area and what the crime statistics are. These are all numbers that you take. They're hard data. They have nothing to do with racism or bigotry in any way. So if you go to one of these countries where it's like 99% white people, this doesn't even apply, of course. So no, it wouldn't help there at all. But if you go somewhere where you have a very specific group of people who are creating the vast majority of the crime in that area, then we should just put all bigotry and hatred

and all these judgments aside and just look at the hard facts and the data and use that. So yeah, racial profiling should be used. People do tend to group up by race and do stuff as the gang or whatever. Like if in my town... So you're saying that the reason that a certain race commits more crime per capita

is because gangs are more likely to be made up of one race. They're monochromatic. But the real issue is that one race is more likely to be in a gang than another. Let's say hypothetically in this fabled town, white guys sold marijuana, black guys sold Adderall, and Spanish guys sold ecstasy. I just made that up. Shift all that one over. Okay. So you're looking for a marijuana dealer.

Then it's like, do you need to just discard all the intelligence the police have gathered about who's doing what because it's not PC? I think when you look at the hard data that you're probably going to find that there's one black guy who's selling all three of those drugs. Well, I guess I was just trying to say that it's not that racist. No, it would be racist. I was just saying racial profiling. That's all I'm saying. He's industrious.

I didn't say anything bad. He's aous. That's all I'm saying. He's industrious. I didn't say anything bad. He's a businessman, right? He's just like the coolest Mexican man. One drug at a time. This industrious black man is like, I'm selling all three. Come get it all. It wasn't racist at all. Did Jordy stop buying houses at one or two? No.

I'm a businessman. I buy everything. You want houses? Come over. Do you want poop pictures? I got you covered. Do you want wheat brownies? Wet wipes? He'll resell them.

Baby wipes? I got you. But yeah, maybe one... If graffiti was being done by one race, then you might look and say, this type of crime is likely committed by these guys. It's not about thinking that one race is less than another.

It's just intelligence the police has gathered. Well, if you look at the numbers, right, the numbers don't lie. The numbers don't care if it's a black or a white person committing the crime, but if all the numbers point towards, okay. And we always go to black people but let's say we're in San Francisco like near a district that's predominantly Chinese.

We should apply some racial profiling that looks at those triads over there who are creating all that mischief. Are triads Chinese or Japanese? Whatever. I think Japanese. I think it's Japanese so it doesn't really apply. Now that's racist. Wait. What did you call it? Japanese, so it doesn't really apply now. That's racist What you caught triad yeah the triad that me I will Google it will go

It's a movie based organized crime group in in Japan like that. Yeah, like the Yakuza Chinese we're getting really into the weeds here. Oh, but I was right all along. It is the triads. The triads are Chinese. The Yakuza is... No. Hong Kong, Taiwan, and Singapore. Malaysia, Singapore, Chinatowns worldwide. Yeah, so China. Yeah. Okay. But the territory goes all throughout Asia and the Western world.

But anyway, what I was getting at is, you know, you would apply racial profiling to look at the Chinese people in that area because the triads don't let black people into their gang. They don't let Latinos into their gang. They don't let white people into their gang, I would imagine. Probably not in the San Francisco area near Chinatown, right? Probably some evil doings going on in there like that X-Files episode where they were gambling and the loser had to donate all lost organs. What? Yeah. Yeah.

They were playing – it was – what was the name? It like hell money i think the episode is called hell money i think they were playing this thing where like i think the way the game worked was a token is going to be pulled from a bag and that person is the one who has to donate the organ and it might be a kidney, so you survive. It might be a heart, so this is a death sentence. You don't know. And the more tokens you would like to put in that bag, the more reward you get back,

regardless of whether your name is drawn or not. So this could be for your family, right? You could be like, 50 tokens, and you might die, but even if you die, it's like a life insurance policy. That was the premise of the episode plus some spooky shit added on. Hell money. Yeah. Alright. I have a new game.

Real quick, is there any update on the police showing up or anything? I can still hear them screaming. He's talking about how much he loves his granny and how he'd do anything for her. They're screaming right now? Still? They are shouting loud enough that I can hear them five houses away, and I'm in the house.

Well, you know where they are. I guess I'm saying that for the audience's benefit, but they're like five houses away. I'm in the house through a door, and I can hear them quite clearly through these. So screaming, I would say. Still no cops. All right.

Then, yeah, good call on calling the police when you did calling the guy who's going to call the police the game is called sword or sheath and the objective is to figure out if this is a boy or a girl that's a boy

it's a boy everyone's going boy the truth is this is i think you're all wrong this is a girl oh well let me click it next next come on okay i should have clicked it next you assholes never clicked it pretty good i have no it just looked like a like a boy i don't know wait how do you mean it looked like a boy? Oh, I'm sorry.

Because the throat. Skype has a preview. I thought they literally just saw a URL and really gave a half-assed effort into my game. No, no, we saw the thumbnail preview. I was like, oh, that's really not cool, man. I thought they were like, IJQPR2. Like not playing your game.

Yeah, yeah, but it's a boy. Fuck off. All right, all right. Dammit. This was a trick one, though. You're're starting off and then you're just sending us they're all gonna be trick ones i think they're all trick ones oh yeah the idea is that it's very hard to tell of course okay okay are these we're ready now this was just submitting these themselves and saying i'm pretty androgynous people go you surely are i may have given the the wrong the first time. All right. So I would go with guy.

But now, you know, I know we're playing again. I say the second one is, all right, the second one, I'm going to say guy. I'm going to say guy on the second one, this blonde individual. Oh, you sent it twice. It's a guy. It's a guy? I just say male. All right, everyone's going guy.

I'll look in the comments. It is... Sorry. I'm doing my best to figure out what the scoop is. It's gotta be a guy. What the fuck? You can see the beard.

Can you? Oh, you're right. Good call. It's a guy yes it's the brow if this is more like prominent than i would like it to be yeah and also men have larger flatter foreheads and women's slope more it's very true true. I feel like that one's too easy. Or headbutting. Well, give us a couple of confidence builders.

Yeah. Maybe one where their genitals are out. Just really get us going. Well, that is a penis. I guarantee it. That is a male. A thousand percent sure. Actually, fault.

He identifies as a woman. Oh, yeah. God damn it. We're assuming gender's all over the place. Yeah. He assumed it was a penis and it was a man. That's a woman. We're assuming genders all over the place. That's a girl. That's a girl. So I'm immediately leaning toward girl. Multiple pictures.

Also a girl from the 80s. Like apparently. That's a girl. Oh wait. No. Look at that third picture. Look at that arm. That's like... That's a man, baby.

That's a man. This is a male. This is a male. He's holding a TI-84, which is a calculator by Hewlett-Packard. Implies guy to me. Oh, I didn't even notice that wasn't a phone.

Let me see if we can figure out the... Yeah, I'm convinced now. It's a man, baby. First picture looks very feminine. That's his best shot. That's his trap pic.

That's how he sets up the politician black man. He sends him that one first. It's a girl. No. That's not true. According to the spoiler, it is. It says she. Don't believe that for a minute.

Fake news, people. It says she in the spoiler. This should be a girl. Okay, god damn it. Give us another one. I thought that one was too easy. You did? No, that's hard.

If it was only that top picture, it would be easy. Stompers? Stompers? It was more the hands and the arm position there. I like this one. The hands were very feminine. I hear you.

Wait, wait, wait. Are people posting these themselves? No. Oftentimes they're found. Like, hey, I found this in street wear, and they know the answer. So this one is hard to me. Yeah, because of the Photoshop.

That's a guy. There's plastic surgery there on the lips. No, that's just them sucking a bottle. Probably. Yeah. He's got that henna thing on the hand, right? But look at that nose.

That's, I'd say, a guy's nose. Yeah, that's a very masculine nose. I'm going girl. I'm going girl, too. I'm going to go guy. That hair's fabulous. That hair's fabulous. That's a sloped forehead, a non-prominent brow.

I say that's a woman. I'm pretty sure. Look at those eyebrows. It must be a guy. It's a guy.'m pretty sure those look at those eyebrows must be a guy it's a guy's jaw or his his or her jaw it's a guy i thought it was going to be a uh a girl because i thought only hannah's went on the girl's hand but uh well he's uh he's actually he's clearly pretending to be a woman i mean it's now one thing to be to be clear clear, this is not a man who identifies as a man, or at least not a straight man.

This is someone who is going for a woman's look. He is trying to look like a woman. He's not just an androgynous person, so I think this is a cheater. This person is like a ladyboy. He's pretending. This person is just a classmate of whoever submitted it.

I would go with guy, but then there is a reason this person wants to go and r-roast me. Yes. Probably with the description, yes, I'm a girl. If that's not a guy, I would be shocked. I would be shocked. Look at those arms. Look at those biceps.

That can't be a girl. I would be shocked if this was not a guy. I think that is definitely a guy. Okay, voting guy but I'm hoping see this isn't a guy then I'm gonna start believing that gender is a fluid thing I'm gonna buy in okay I vote guy too or sword that I think we're supposed to answer this but let's see sort Sword or sheath. It is... It's a girl. It has to be a girl because otherwise there's no reason to post this picture.

You know? Trickery. That's totally... It's got to be a guy. It has to be. It's a sword. Yeah. Well, then there was no reason to even post that.

To trick us. Hey, you wanted the confidence builder. Well, this is not helping. We want to even post that. To trick us. Hey, you wanted the confidence builder. Well, this is not helping. We want to see genitals. That's a very easy test. Penis or vagina. And it's just a photo of one or the other. All right, all right.

Say what it is. They think that this is a hard one. Oh, girl. These are all very hard I gotta admit clearly by my results I don't think I've gotten one right yet maybe one I would say this is a girl

I would say this is a girl I think girl also what is Quibble Cop doing I'm just you know going from the chin up going from the chin up you can see that that's a girl. That's a girl at the start. I think it's the last one.

I'm 100. All right. See, but my feeling is like, I think it's a girl. But my gut is to go the opposite of it because this seems like an obvious girl. Taylor, what are you going with? I'm going to say guy. All right, three girls and a guy. The correct answer is, drumroll please, girl.

It was a sheath was the right answer. Damn. Well, that all made us question sexuality a little bit. Glad we got that out of the way a lot of those people are really hard to tell um and you remember you do you remember the snl character pat yes dude i love her book she wrote two books actually what's her name julia sweeney i think yeah i think that is it yeah i liked her i like that character more than anything she she wrote a book and uh it had a real cool kind of like understanding let me get an ad read in here

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Yeah, check them out. Download it for free. Looks like a lot of fun. Download it for free. That is a good purchase. Yeah. It's hard to beat that. Have we done all the ads now? We have done all the ads. Nice. All of them. So have you been following the news, the politics?

At least all the ones that we're aware of. Mostly what we've been doing is Jesse Ventura impressions. No, we have not been following the news at all. Honestly, it's been a little refreshing. I heard a little chatter that maybe the federal judges are trying to stop Donald's immigration ban. And then he's saying that he's gonna well he's saying that he's gonna take them to court on it um he just lost in the appeals court he's appealing again or something like like like like you know um so so we'll see how that that all goes

down um i would rather talk about honestly i hope you didn't uh not i would rather talk about, honestly, I hope you didn't. I would rather talk about the Sean Spicer Melissa McCarthy thing on SNL. Did you happen to catch that? Oh, sure. Melissa McCarthy, who I despise She was in Ghostbusters. Which I refuse to even watch. I thought she was really funny in The Heat or whatever that movie was.

I have a personal vendetta against Melissa McCarthy. It has nothing to do with her talent and ability. I'm sure she's funny. She is funny. She is. I just don't like her. She's not my cup of tea, as one might say. But she killed it as Sean Spicer.

Incredible performance. And the writing was so good. It was better than their usual writing. It was like she brought in her own people who write for her and was like, let's help out a little bit. It was a very, very good scene for SNL. Because Skit, you know... SNL as a property is having a resurgence. Like, they've had the best ratings this year

than they've had in the last 20 years. They've got a mockable president who's a conservative, right? They did not want to fuck with Obama. They just didn't. They didn't. The only time I've ever seen Obama mocked and, like, really mocked is, like, being a black man and, like, all the things that you would expect the black president to do was there was a Funny or Die clip where T.I., the rapper, was in prison at the time.

He's like, just free T.I. And T.I. comes out, and they do a secret handshake, and he's like, did that. And they're talking about he just had killed Osama bin Laden. He's like, yeah, I gotama bin laden in the trunk and the interviewer's like you have osama bin laden's dead body and he's he's like in the trunk of the presidential limousine wow and he's just going through like all he's like he's like i'm gonna give you uh mcdonald's breakfast all day uh why can't they make those biscuits all day and he like breaks breaks in some voter-specific example of Karen who works third shift and can't get her breakfast. And now Karen can have her biscuits.

They removed it. It's been purged from the fucking internet. Because it made fun of Obama in this sort of semi-racist, racial-toned video. Find it now. Because it used to be out there and a thing. And now you cannot find the funny or die President Obama ripping on video. It just doesn't exist someone purged it from the internet and SNL never went after him That's not I just emerged it like the internet. That's like something that it's almost hard to believe find it in what I believe you That they got one of it. All right, I'll be there. Think back to SNL when they were making fun of Bush. I can remember specific skits of them making fun of his intelligence

and having a lot of fun with it. And it was all in good fun, and it was hilarious. I don't remember the Obama skits. Maybe I'm— They had a white guy that they painted up in blackface that did Obama. But that wasn't insulting. That was just—they only had—that was their best Obama guy. They had black guys, too. I don't know. I don't think only had – that was their best Obama guy. They had black guys too.

I don't know. I don't think Obama is as mockable as either Bush or Trump. I feel like it's – Sure. It's a little silly to pretend. Obama just does his job. No, no. I'm not pretending like the difference is that Trump is obviously providing more material.

Yeah. Oh, they definitely do have an agenda as well. Yeah, they have an agenda. They had a fucking ceremony of the laying down of the roses when Hillary lost, and they got so serious with that song from Shrek. They had a show for Hillary Clinton's campaign. Do you remember that? They mocked Hillary hilariously. What's the name of...

Yeah. Somebody once told me to smash my... Well, the other Shrek song at the end no they say that it's hallelujah hallelujah they played that song like jfk just had got they played it in a way like if they had played it in a way where it's like oh we're so sad like we're so invested to us on our comedy show like it would it would have been funny. But they sincerely were playing it, like, soulfully. Like, oh, oh, this world. It was not tongue-in-cheek.

It was embarrassing. I need to see it. And it is just as bad as if they had played We Are the Champions for Donald Trump victory. If they were like, we are the – and you, like, had the Donald Trump impersonator on a tank with an eagle perch and a machine gun gun and you know like really pam it up for like the Trump supporters it would have been just as bad but they had a funeral for Hillary Clinton's campaign they literally did it sounds funny and they didn't make it funny

a Trump victory parade they would do it in a funny way it was heartfelt I'll agree that SNL is a bias undoubtedly but in addition to that Trump provides a lot of material. Oh, yeah. And he responds to them.

Yeah. I can only imagine. They did a routine that was all just Trump tweets, like real-life reading of tweets and replying to kids in high school and shit like that. You know what I like? When Steve Bannon comes out, the guy that got played playing Steve Bannon. Oh, I don't think I've seen it. It's death. Oh, that's right. I have seen that. You know what I like? When Steve Bannon comes out, the guy that got played playing Steve Bannon. Oh, I don't think I've seen it. It's death. Oh, that's right. I have seen that.

It's a close-knit figure with a skeleton. I like that. It wasn't funny to me. Because you have to go there to get to the level of evil that the news media tells us that Steve Bannon is. I don't know anything about Steve Bannon. He seems like a shady guy a bit.

And they're naming him the power behind the throne, the puppet master. They did that to W too. But it was Cheney. I think it was more earned with W, but we're going to find out. I think right now what we might be having is like, maybe Donald Trump doesn't know the protocol

and like the way to do things. So he's having to go to, he's having to look over to this guy and be like, how do I make this happen? And he's like, oh, well first you play this card, and then you have to declare your sorcery, but you have to do that before the round

of attacks. There's a protocol to doing things as president, and he doesn't fucking know it. But I don't think he's being played as a puppet, Trump that is. If he ever thought he was being played as a puppet, he would lop heads off, Trump that is. If he ever thought he was being played as a puppet, he would lop heads off, figuratively speaking. Yeah, I don't

think he's being played as a puppet either. My theory is always that he'll get tired of being president. It might even be 90 days in where he's like, alright, you guys handle 90% of this shit. He just sort of... I don't know. I could see him getting tired of it early.

I feel that in my first 100 days, I've done more than any president has ever done in their full term. And so, therefore, now that I have steered the country in the right direction, I'm going to leave it in the strong, capable, and informed hands of my vice president, Mike Pence. We will have no president for the next seven years. I have achieved everything I needed to achieve. Everyone talks like Trump's done all this stuff. He hasn't done shit, though.

I was making fun of the idea of him leaving in 100 days. Yeah, I hear it a lot. Like, oh my God, there's so much happening every day. There's a new thing, et cetera. And I'm like, but as far as doing stuff he signed some executive he's undone some it's almost like some media figures are overplaying their hand and dialing it up to 11 when they really shouldn't be they should be like fox news over exaggerating his accomplishments because that's what i was talking about like they act like you know he's done more

than any other president in all this time that's fine too i'm just i'm talking about the negative and the positive don't act like he's been some hero so far and also don't act like oh my god the rights of everyone we're one step from internment camps like fdr the renowned republican did to us in the early 1900s i will say i don't know how to handle the the lying stuff kyle can't hear no i just saying, they're still fucking losing their shit. This is like three hours of them arguing in the streets. Yeah, they're really slow. It's been 50 minutes since we called.

It's not happening. They don't care. I should have said, yes, there was. Well, I saw something. They asked about the weapon. Well, it was hard to see. They were moving their hands around really fast, and they are, you know, and there's a lot of shoving. There could have been a weapon.

There was something shiny for sure. I saw a glint. I've never had an argument that wasn't resolved this slowly. Three hours. At this point, one of the figures has left and now it's just loud. They must be drunk because if they were stoned, they would just be

chilled out somewhere instead of in cunts. Maybe this is like an alcohol fuel just like blowing his steam off in public as loud as he can. I don't know. He's an idiot. Who wants to scream in the streets and make a fool of themselves? This guy. Yeah, I just – so at this point, it's not two people. It's one? I haven't been in the door in quite a while. Last time I looked, it was two for sure.

And they're like – I see them moving around, and then there's lots of hands thrown been in the door in quite a while. Last time I looked, it was two for sure. And they're like, you know, I see them moving around and then there's lots of hands thrown up in the air and lots of just yelling about just random things. And just like the guy was talking about how much he loved his granny and how he'd do anything for her a few minutes ago, but screaming it in an aggressive way. I love my granny.

She need anything. That's hers. That's hers. I make it happen. I make it happen. You know, it's just like whoa whoa all right we get it you like your grandma like let's let's tone it down to like a little yeah that's usually something you're so mad about jesus like like is she here did i fuck with her like

like like like where's granny at now i don't want to mess with her you seem very granny oriented over there so i don't know what's going to happen over there i wish they'd show they're they're still yelling at each other in the middle of the street now. The police are not coming. You think they're not coming? I think we should take it upon ourselves to fix this little situation. A little street justice. I will watch street justice from the other side of the fence.

And when we saw a disturbance. We took it upon ourselves to shut it down. What if you just yelled shut up from a distance and threw a bottle? Just saying. That might work. I'm sure when the bottle comes hurling over, they'll be like, you know what? That guy has a good point. We would all end up with a pool cube doing battle in the street.

That's what would happen. So you want us to start it off by lobbing a rock over there, basically? Immediately escalation into the realm of weapons are okay. Shut up. There's more bottles where that came from. I'm just saying, you know, we launch a bottle across their bow. You know, give them a little water. Guys, guys, real quick.

Before you do that, call the police at least 30 minutes and tell them you're heavily injured. Heavily? you're heavily injured. We're under attack! Tell them you're under attack and 30 minutes later, then you go and do it. And about 5 minutes in, the police should arrive. Yes.

If you call the cops right now and told them that there were people cursing in the street, do you think they would have been there by now, Queb? Right here. They would have been there by now, Queb? Right here. They would have been here within five minutes. Yeah, right. I think you should have called 911.

The police would have roped in and laid the hammer. The cops drive around in the neighborhood. He's in Spain. They drive around on horses with lassos and shit that's not true they'd be here quick yeah for sure i don't think that whoever that guy was passed on our message we probably called dominoes or some shit yeah and the guy just played along

if we if he did pass it along like they would have to be here by now right dominoes or some shit yeah and the guy just played along if we if he did pass it along like they would have to be here by now right dominoes yeah they're not coming they don't care they don't care about our noise disturbance um they're just see kyle made it as a noise disturbance if i was like hey i think there's a safety potential domestic issue yeah yeah there might be domestic violence i was very afraid of giving a false police report because that's a crime and i didn't want to do that because we're recording this i wanted to be a hundred percent honest i didn't want to like make anything that i had and you were yeah you actually undersold it a bit that's what i think from the the intensity that they were screaming with it wasn't like man i'm gonna fuck you up if

you don't get out of my face it was like i will kill you like like just so mad like yeah like there's nowhere to go from there i just thought they'd come you know we're in such a metro area i thought oh there's a cop like patrolling up two blocks away they'll just ah dispatch we've got a disturbance on grape street and bill's gonna fucking swing right over but they could have escalated to death and mayhem by now and no one would know they could have they could just killed me they could they won't. They're too busy fighting. If you pass the bong, would they all be chill in like 15 minutes? I'm telling you, these sound like violent drinkers.

These sound like violent drinkers to me. We need to convert them. They sound a little meth-y. A little meth-y. Because they seem to have a lot of energy. Energy. With a lacing of bath salts. Yeah, a lot of pep. Yeah, a lot of pep.

Yeah, a lot of pep in their step over there in the middle of the fucking street in the darkness. It's 9 p.m. at night here. It's dark. It's cold outside. Would you close that fucking door, by the way? It's so cold. Why?

Yeah, it's... Why not fight inside if you're going to have a big argument? Like, it's too chilly out. What time is it there, Quib? 9. It's 5 a.m yeah because your room looks daylighty there's even like light coming in these amazing lights they're really good they're like led lights like high end are they a little painful are you enduring them like uh oh

yeah no i have them i have them barely on. I can show you. I have this little switch here. So this is off. And then I can turn it all the way up. Which is very uncomfortable. That's a little too much. But the camera does its job. Which makes it look like it's super bright. I used to have one coming straight on

and by the end of the show it was just like such a weird thing to turn that thing off. You have this square there in your eyes. So I have them on the side so I never have to look at them while recording videos or my camera's like in between. And sometimes if I, let's say,

have a really long recording but we take like a 10 minute break I put on my sunglasses because else it hurts a little bit that's a really nice setup yes but it's

I think you need to decorate I think you need a better backdrop I have a widescreen which currently isn't folded out but I used widescreens because of copyright shit. Because I once had a few companies complain about, like, paintings in the background or posters. They'd be like, yeah, Woody, that Call of Duty poster there, not going to happen. You know, we can't do this business deal with you. Oh, I see what you're saying. They'd still be like, we can't do it. The YouTube play button, sorry, man, can't do this business deal with you. Oh, I see what you're saying.

They'd still be like, we can't do it. The YouTube play button? Sorry, man. The painter ripped off our imagery. You see, it says Hawks there. I'll be his name as well, Mr. Woodworth. It says Hawks on your chest. Sorry, you'll have to blur it out.

Not gonna happen. So I now just have a completely wide backdrop. Just like a foldable widescreen, which goes on this pole. That sucks. That they take away a little bit of the flavor and personality of the presenter to be like, well, we don't like that

you're a fan of the gorillas. They don't give off the vibe that our corporation is taking with our brand identity. Could you put that down there needs to be the Queblecop game company and the Queblecop video game that's what you self promote I can't

self promote with other companies they'll be like this is sorry it's not going to work even if it's subtle and you know in the background you think yep I've had it I've had a video where they wanted me to blur every know in the background you think yep yep i've had it i've had a video where they wanted me to blur every painting in the entire house they wanted me to blur my girlfriend's monitor um and obviously i wasn't allowed to curse she's like using the wrong browser or something

no she was just editing her own video and then they're like yeah you gotta blur that monitor we're not gonna that's not gonna happen yeah editing software she uses that's a competitor we don't know sony vegas like there's nothing like if you saw just sony vegas or whatever open you it would be so boring you wouldn't even consider looking over at it but if you see her looking at a blurred pc screen what's on these paintings What's on these paintings? A skull? A naked skull? As you walk through the house,

you should be like, I have many nudes. They're all of me. I have an artist do them. Just point at the blurred out thing. This is me in the downward facing dog position. I like this one. I like this one a lot. You see this as soon as you walk in the house.

It has different titles where you just address it. This one's Sunday Mood. You can see exactly what I've done with the orange there. Anyway, moving on. We had to blur it out because of copyright. And here's my largest poop ever. I had it freeze dried and preserved forever. It's in this glass cube here

yeah, eight Keurigs as you see here eight Keurigs man, I go ahead, sorry do you remember last week we did that thing about the orangutan that was like being rented out as a prostitute

yep, what? yeah, there was an orangutan they'd shave it down and you could see it in the picture as a prostitute. Yep. Yeah. What? Yeah. There was orangutan. They would, they'd shave it down and you could see it in the picture, like with this come hither look.

And apparently she'd get all excited when guys came around like jumping and presenting and stuff. And, and she would basically

fuck the guys like a prostitute would. She was the big celebrity, the most popular thing in this particular brothel. Anyway, I got a letter from a hater.

Huge fan! Exclamation point. At least I was until the most recent PKA when you made light of the chimpanzee being abused. What goes through your mind when you think that's something to joke or make fun about? It was really a glimpse into how horrible a human being you are. That's all. I'm just really disappointed in you. You can go back to shoveling Wendy's down your fat gullet. So, I actually replied to him. I said, that was an orangutan, not a chimp. It takes a special kind of monkey racist not to recognize the difference.

Yeah, first of all, fuck that guy. Like, we'll make light of anything. Like, until next week, when I solid up my whole bit about that six-year-old being abused by her grandma who would pretend to be a witch and and suspend her from the ceiling with a leash while telling their creatures from upstairs we're going to come and eat her you can make light of anything the holocaust abortion we do it all the time yeah i mean i had that abortionist joke two

weeks ago i just i don't like it like who takes the show serious right yeah oh wait oh wait 1400 ounces in a gram right I'm writing this down 95% crime rate you know Kvobelkamp took the biggest shit in the world oh this must be true it's possible to attack sharks from above successfully

yeah yeah I can write sharks in my spare time. Okay. Yeah, but this guy apparently got all upset about the monkey joking. Yeah, of all the things to be upset about, like the orangutan. I've heard some more fucked up shit,

like way worse on the show. That's even close. Yeah. That orangutan wanted to get fucked. That's why it was turning around and tirading. It did. It did. It did. I don't know why you think.

I really think that Taylor doesn't think that orangutans or women in general have sex drives. And it's a kind of misogyny that people don't appreciate. I got a question here because you've said it four times in a row now. Orangutans? Oh, I put an H in there? Yeah, yeah. I give extra letters. Is that just a female?

Is it a orangutan if it's a female? There is no. There is no. Okay. Here's a female? Is it a orangutan if it's a female? There is no... Here's a lesson you can take to the bank from PK. There is no H at the beginning of orangutan, and there is no G at the end of orangutan. And so it is certainly not a orangutan. It's the same way as if you went's also not a trip like this asshole said if i go into some slum in china and there's some girl chained to a bed when i go in and i'm paying to have sex

with her or something and she like gets like wiggling around like let's get this going i'm not in my head going man she is excited and i'm like oh this is a person who knows that she will get savagely beaten by the asshole outside if she doesn't put on a show for the next guy to come in i think that monkey has just that orangutan oh you're racist so many times that it just knows if i don't jump up and down and act like i want that other species of ape dick in me i get no bananas and a very rough beating. It just knows by now. No way. First of all, it's enjoying it. It wants more and

it knows what the deal is. Now, it's certainly getting rewarded, but that's part of why it enjoys it. It's just like, yeah, I got no problem with it. Humans have much bigger dicks than orangutans. Dude, nice. It's a special day for her she is like i'm gonna get myself some giant cock from this future yeah that i that's uh so i'm sure that this guy is set straight and now

he likes me yeah fuck that guy that guy i mean no one should take anything we say seriously because there's nothing that we say I think that has any other purpose than just to draw a laugh most of the time. It's rare that we get serious and we're talking about something heartfelt. It's usually just I'll say anything if I think it'll make you crack a laugh, a smile.

Whether that's orangutan rape or regular old rape like Woody enjoys. Boiler plate rape. Orangutan rape or regular old rape like Woody enjoys. Boiler plate rape. Orangutan rape is regular rape to me. I don't know the regular. Alright, let's shut it down right there.

BK episode 321. You still rolling? Yes. From Legendary Games is John Van Canaham. Creator of the Heroes of Might and Magic series, comes Creature Quest, an adventurous RPG that brings a new level of depth and strategy to mobile games. Available at the App Store, Google Play, and Amazon.

Download Creature Quest for free today and be part of the best turn-based collectible RPG. Your quest for adventures is paved. Your quest for creatures is paved with adventure. Quest on. Check them out. Thanks for coming on, Quibble Cop. Where can they check out all the things that are you?

All of your Twitter, your videos. YouTube.com slash Woody's Gamer Tag. Subscribe. Yes! Need subscribers. Get that video to 2 million. I was just thinking to myself as we're asking him, like, hey, where can you promote yourself? It's like, bitch, you think I need PKA to promote me?

I have 135 million views a month. I'm here for fun. I'm here for fun. You know, donate some money to charity or whatever. Well, CrippleCop's cool stuff will be in the description for sure. Donate it to me. Yeah. All right.

PKA 321.