Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #327

Episode Date: March 31, 2017

This week on PKA, Boogie2988 is finally back and they talk Magic The Gathering, Boogie share's stories about his recent, serious ASS injury and testosterone replacement therapy.

PKA episode 327 with our guest Boogie. Kyle? We have many advertisements tonight. I want to thank our friends Lyft, Casper Mattresses, MeUndies, Textured, and Stamps.com. We'll be talking about each of those more later on in the show. There's links down in the description if you want to check them out now. Yeah, got our friend Boogie back. I'm sure we'll get into some Magic the Gathering talk tonight.

I know he's a huge fan of that game. I think we'll have too much magic talk by a little too much you know there's no such thing as too much magic talk i say then i'm glad we are unanimous now i just gotta get hockey unanimous and i'll be set it'll be my dream i'm literally i'm literally as we were preparing for the show saying you're sorting modern masters foils. Oh, yeah. I'll probably be doing the entire night, just to be clear. I was doing the same.

I don't know if you have the Westeros pack, but I'm building a deck around it. Yeah. You really are sticking with the Game of Thrones and Magic are the same. Which is fine, because they're both awesome things. If they had an expansion

for magic that was like wars of westeros or something i'm sure boogie agrees that would be awesome because john snow is kind of like a planeswalker in some ways i mean like he could have a spark you don't know dude that guy could get woken up at some point just go fucking super saiyan all over the place you don't. Can't you bring people back to life? Can't you bring people back to life in Magic? Like, you raise them? Yeah, well, it depends. Like, there's one planeswalker that is permadead,

and she's the only planeswalker that's, like, permadead. And the reason she's permadead is because she's in hell. So she got killed by a god in, like, one of the... The storylines are hokey. Don't ever think... Like, the storylines are fun to follow and mess with, but at the end of the day, that's not what Magic's about. Magic's about the cards, and it's about the card game itself.

But they do that narrative... You don't have to tell me what Magic is about. I'm mildly insulted at this. I'm with you, though. I do like reading into the mythos of who this card is or what that card is. What's the name?

People's eyes are melting like Indiana Jones when they saw the art right now. But I like reading into the background of each card and what it does. A little bit of an RPG experience maybe while you're doing math and figuring out the turns in your head. There are some cards that just pivotally exemplify certain aspects of the storyline. Back in the day, like Frixian Arena, one of my favorite cards ever printed, puts out this moment where Urza's in a duel with a dude

in the Frixian Arena. It's super cool. These days when they do it, they just mostly do it like the storytelling cards. There's a card from Kaladesh called Battle at the Bridge, which just kills a guy. They're reaching so hard to try to find these storyline moments.

What the hell? If I cast Battle at the Bridge, what am I doing to the creature that I'm killing? Am I creating a bridge and then he has to fight something? What the fuck is happening? Yeah, they try so hard. And then in the same set, I used to wonder, when I first got into Magic,

I would read the flavor text, which is underneath the game text and it just says like a wizard is never late or whatever the fucking shit is and like you would see stuff like you know goblin of gilgamar like king goblin king of gilgamar or something i just made up and in like the flavor text it'd be like five lines of like and then on the fourth day of the great siege The rhinos were brought forth from the shadow area And I'm like when did this happen in this lore like all of these cards are referencing different wars and battles Where do you piece this to get where none of these people fighting alongside one another? Independent folks see that used to be one of the really cool intrigues of Magic, is that you end up with a card, right? And then you look at the art, and you're like,

what does this tie into? Where does this go? And you're trying to figure out the world, but you'll read the flavor text, and you'll be like, what the hell is this referring to? And that makes you want to try to seek out the other cards to figure out the story. That's what turns you on to the books. That's what turns you on to the website,

the daily MTG website where they post all this stuff. And I love that, the fact that it's just all these different pieces from all these different worlds that they've created and there's you know the asian world the egyptian world that's about to come out and then the kaladesh the inventors world and then uh the the roman godwin or whatever the godswin uh theros and stuff like that i love the fact that there's all these different crazy worlds and all these slight references to it and so for the guy who's into that, that's cool. You can go get into that.

I'm more into just summoning giant monsters and ruining my opponent's faces. That's my aspect of the game. Yes, the fun part of seeing people's faces go from optimism to frustration. And just seeing that moment as many times as possible during the game is what you want. Back in the day, and I don't do this anymore, but when I used to play a Friday Night Magic, I used to do what I called tourette's magic i know that's insensitive but i don't care because that's what i called it and what i would do is i would like kind of just like grunt and like make weird noises at them and just kind of be like frustrated

all the time and like oh and one top eight at a tournament that was taking place in this mall um i literally have the judge watching me when i say this but i lean over and i look at the guy i'm like hey did you drive here? And he's like, what? And I said, yeah, I was just wondering if you drove here. If you did, what's your car look like? Because I'll be waiting at it. And he looks at the judge and the judge goes, sir, you can't say things like that.

I'm going to give you a warning for that. And I'm like, well, he still didn't tell me what his car looks like. I'm going to give you a warning for that. And I'm like, well, he still didn't tell me what his car looks like. And, I mean, I was losing, and I still lost, but there was that inch, that chance that I would put him on tilt, man. It's just that one moment. That's so funny because I can just picture how someone at a Magic event,

like, you meet lots of awesome people at Magic events, but that is, if I had to pick one situation where it's it's like hey you can go into a bar or a hockey locker room or a magic the Gathering Friday night magic and you have to alpha male the whole room and like intimidate people I'm like yeah I'm going to magic night it's fine like you can put them all on one team like like somewhere else like it just wouldn't pan out like that because they're all good spirited people like you get yeah If you have like a preconceived notion the big There's like a reddit post from years ago of a guy who went around like

Kneeling behind people at a magic tournament Their butt cracks and that really does not show the community in the best light But if you go there, it's not gonna actually be like that like it's it's really not there's way more Just did you know they suspended that guy from the game? Did you know this is the real guy from the game? it's not going to actually be like that. It's really not. There's way more just people. Did you know they suspended that guy from the game? Did you know they suspended that guy from the game? Yeah, because that went so viral, and he's like, that's not sportsmanlike,

and that's against the rules, the floor rules. They suspended him for like a year or two years for that. I still can't believe that. That's an equipment malfunction. That's not his fault. I will say that I played Magic in probably 20 different states at this point. As far east as Virginia, far west as California. I played it in Texas.

I played it in Georgia. Is it harder in high altitude? It is a little bit, actually. It is when you get into the real southern states sometimes because the accents are a little difficult. I'm casting Fireball. What are you casting? Fireball on ye.

And I'm like, all right, dude. How much mana? I don't know about seven. All right, well, dude. Dude, please. But I grew up with a southern accent, so I can get it sometimes. But I will say the magic is different in every store. Every time you sit down and play a a a game of magic the the

metagame there is different like sometimes it's just net deck sometimes it's just weird fnms sometimes the competition is absurdly strong there sometimes it's people just buying cards at walmart and they're just trying to figure out their first starter decks and they're winning fnms uh sometimes you'll draft the craziest draft sometimes you'll get exactly what you predicted and then like the the environment the people that show up at the stores can be vastly different too our local community is made up of people from pretty much every walk of life uh it's a very diverse group we have people color we have trans people we have you know people of all sexualities we have people just just don't give a shit about anything and they'll be playing next to like a fucking white

supremacist and they don't give a shit because it's the game mono aggro huh right just one after another equally placing the cards if you look up i don't know if you have the ability to put this on screen or anything like this but if you look up the ninth edition the ninth edition paladin in vec i think it's the ninth edition maybe it's the eighth edition it looks like a the 8th edition. It looks like a clan member. His helmet is the helmet of a clan member, and he has protection from black and protection from red. And I don't know how that got past the censors

or whatever. Yeah, that's pretty funny. But yeah, it made me very uncomfortable whenever I'd play a black person. I was playing a black or mono-red deck, and then I'd play Paladin and Vec, and that art, and I'd just be like, oh no. Someone said something, so I said it.

Because, you know, why not? But the point that I'm making is Just screech out. I'm not racist for playing him. Like, people are just, like, different. I don't know, every time you walk into a different magic store, it's, they call it touristing, you know, to go from magic shop to magic shop in

different cities and different stuff and now that i travel sparingly i always try to find a game of magic in whatever town i go to and it's so awesome it's like one of the best things in the world it's a great way to meet people and you have that thing in common you have the game in common and so it doesn't matter what you don't have in common most people set that shit aside for the game and it's a weather vein for cool fantasy shit too because it's like like unlike unlike other shit like woody's talked about where it's like how do you stand on guns and by that question you can figure out other shit magic doesn't play like that the only thing you know in magic is you're like all right i guarantee i can talk to any i can start a conversation with anyone i'm playing here tonight about lord of the

rings or game of thrones preferably lord of the Rings or Game of Thrones, preferably Lord of the Rings, and we can talk about it the whole time, and it's just like a fun, really nerd-out environment. Harry Potter. I had one guy walk into our store. Harry Potter? Yeah, I'm sure. Oh, yeah.

I had a guy walk into our store when I was managing a local gaming store here that I was part owner. I had money invested in it. And this guy walks in, and he looks like a damn model. managing a local gaming store here that I was part owner. I had money invested in it. This guy walks in and he looks like a damn model. Here's the thing. I'm not into dudes, but I know when a dude

looks good. I know when he looks like a damn movie star. This guy did. It was just shocking to see him walk in. He's like 30 years old. He goes, hey, can you tell me something about these cards I got here? I'm like, yeah, sure. I flipped through it and I said, well, there's not much of value here. This collection is probably worth goes hey can you tell me something about these cards i got here and i'm like yeah sure and i flipped through it and i said well there's not much of value here this collection is probably

worth like a hundred bucks i'd give you 30 or 40 for it for the store 60 bucks in credit or something like that because no that's all i want to do i want to learn to play someone gave me these cards because it'll be money and i didn't know if it was worth anything and i just wanted to learn how to play the game and i'm like like, well, all right. We've been close friends for 12 years now because of that. But you would have never thought for a second a guy that sounded like that or looked like that would be interested in that game. And he started coming in every Friday night, started wiping the floor with people. And, you know, it took him a little while to acclimate to the game.

But once he did, he was just destroying people. It is frustrating to get beat at i'll admit very frustrating to get beat at friday night magic by someone who's more attractive than you by a lot like if they're sitting across from you and you're like oh you son of a bitch you're real good at this too i bet you're real good at a lot of things real good at looking good real good at going to the gym. Making this deck between reps, huh? Apparently, this has never happened to me. And he's got a good magic deck.

That's the crusher. And he can afford those cards. He's got a great job. Apparently, it's even worse, and I haven't ever experienced this, but apparently it's even worse when you get beat by the fat, obnoxious guy in the room. Because people do not like to lose to me. I remember about 13 minutes ago,

I was like, hey, does anyone have a first topic? And Kyle said, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm itching to talk about this. And I said, oh, cool, anything but magic. Yeah, right? I just don't want to kick off with magic, really. All right, and then we'll take a brief hiatus from magic. Right, okay. I'm very sorry to your listeners.

No, they'll love it. Some will. Some will love it. There will be a little slice who likes Magic Talk as much as Hockey Talk. Just let me say, before we drop off the topic for a while, I have played this game ever since my first year in college. We're talking 1994. My very first starter deck was an unlimited starter

deck my very first booster packs were packs of antiquities i have played this game every week at least on a weekly basis sometimes a daily basis i've i've run businesses related this game i've invested in businesses related to this game i have met 98 of the people that i know and give a shit about i met through a game of magic including my best friend of 21 years local competitions eighth place boogie we're looking for more no i will tell you i went on the pro tour back in 97 98 and i'm like man i'm gonna do this i had all the cards and i would go to event after event after event after event this is where the lymphedema took the ability to really travel away from me but i um you know i was traveling traveling traveling i go to a tournament on one saturday the next saturday i take a weekend off and then i go to you know trying to qualify

for the pro tour and trying to get the big money trying to win the money right and i'm spending money to try to get it um and i'm getting i'm getting into the top 16 every time and sometimes i make the top eight and a couple times i made the top four and one time and that two-year block and that one time i made it to the top two and i lost that dude and i was so frustrated since it's been two years and thousands and thousands of dollars and i i went home and i'm like you know what i realized something i'm not good enough to make the pro tour. It's just not going to happen. I have the cards. I know the game. I played it religiously every day for two years.

I just don't have whatever it takes to get me on the pro tour. You know what I'm going to do? I'm just going to fucking ruin my Friday Night Magics. I'm just going to walk in there and I'm just going to win them every Friday. I'm going to win every draft. I'm going to make people not want to come to my store because I fucking

destroy them. And that's what I did for five straight years. And these days with YouTube stuff, now I only, now I only play at my house. We, we, we built a giant cube.

If you don't know what cube drafting is, you need to get into cube drafting because it's amazing. Um, but we build a variety of different cubes and we draft cubes every Friday night or every Saturday night and that's really the only way that I play Magic anymore except I still open cards on stream and YouTube which is a lot of fun

that's nice because now it's a tax write off Hypercube drafting Hypercube drafting is the way to go it's hard to picture because it's four dimensional but it's how you do it what? what? I don't know if that's real but i want to fucking find out it's a computer science thing so it's virtual so about

as many people got it as the magic talk probably fewer right uh that hypercube movie have you ever uh watched that on net hmm what no okay? Then there's nowhere to leap off to from there. There's no there's nowhere to go. Sorry you guys have to watch it It's horrible, but Kyle you wanted to talk you were so excited to talk about who was it right before the show that you just Oh, even Seagal and what a fraud he is like I got it I went down the old YouTube rabbit hole and started learning more and more about Steven Seagal. And I already knew a lot of stuff about him, but there's always been this little bit of a mythos

about the guy. Of course, he's a 6'5 action star who made a bunch of money back in the 90s. He was a big deal. But there was also this talk of, no, no, no, that's Sensei Seagal. That guy spent the 70s in Japan learning from these old-timey

masters. He's got connections to everyone from Bruce Lee to Anderson Silva. This is the guy who taught Anderson Silva his front kick. This is the guy who consults for the CIA. This is the guy who... Who's implying these things? He is.

He has said all of these things. This is the guy who is called in across the world by auction houses and collectors alike to authenticate and evaluate ancient swords because he's such a sword expert? So I've heard this story about Steven Seagal twice, this particular instance. One is from Kevin Hart, who was there and says he saw it. And the other is from Joe Rogan, who heard it directly from Gene LaBelle, who was also there and is the guy who did it to Steven Seagal. Gene LaBelle is about the same age as Seagal, probably a little bit older. Judo practitioner. The original mixed martial artist, right? Like incredible judo guy, apparently.

Gene LaBelle, famous judo guy. He did this exhibition match where he went in with a judo gi and fought a boxer. He locked him up, took him to the ground, and kicked his ass. Legit martial artist. He's 20 years older than Seag the ground, and kicked his ass. Legit martial artist. He's 20 years older than Seagal, by the way. Okay.

This story isn't recent, by the way. This didn't happen last year. But several years back, Kevin Hart and Ice Cube are filming a movie. You can probably look at their filmography and figure out which one it was. I'm not sure. They're filming a movie, though, with stuntmen. Ice Cube slips up. He punches a stuntman right in the nose for real. There's blood running everywhere and you know he's like oh god he's super apologetic you know he's like shit man

i did not mean that you know i didn't mean it i feel bad like how can i make it right and he's like don't even worry about it you know that's part of my job it's not even a big deal and at least you address it right and you didn't mean to do it not like some people some people we have to you know have issues with he's like well what are you talking about? He's like, well, Steven Seagal. He would always try to get cheap shots in. You watch the Steven Seagal movies. He does all that. Is it Tai Chi? He's doing all these wrist locks.

Aikido, which is about redirecting your opponent's and wrist locks and stuff. It really only works if the guy's running at you giving you hands. The guy runs at you like this real fast. you're fucked. He'll destroy you. So they're like, yeah, Steven Seagal

would get in cheap shots on us, and we had to go up to our boss and be like, tell Steven Seagal to cut it out. And so their boss apparently was Gene LaBelle, this famous legit martial artist. And there came this time when Kevin Hart's standing there, and Gene LaBelle's there, and Steven Seagalal comes up and he starts talking. And there's a little bit of

a confusion about how this thing got instigated. Either Steven Seagal came and said, hey, put me in your best move. I want to show you. I can get out of anything. Or Gene LaBelle was like, let me show you something. In any case, Steven Seagal allowed gene labelle the 20 years his senior judo expert to put him in a choke hold so as soon as he puts steven into what i assume is a rear naked choke steven hits him in the balls as hard as he can that's his move to prevent the choke and gene labelle says and he hit me in the jewels down there and so i squeezed a little bit tighter and then he went to sleep. Apparently, he just had a big dinner earlier

and forgot to use the bathroom, so he went right then. He shit himself right there. Steven Seagal shit himself right there in front of these movie stars and these stunt coordinators. Kevin Hart's version of it, he's like, I heard... Steven wakes up and runs to

the bathroom and you can just smell shit everywhere so I love that story. How confirmed is this? Is this like Richard Gere gerbil in the ass confirmed? That's why I wanted to really lay it all out there. This is from two different movie star sources. One of the sources is Gene LaBelle, the man

who choked Steven Seagal. No reason to lie. And the other is Kevin LaBelle the man who choked Steven Seagal um no reason to lie and the other is Kevin Hart um you know who was there and says he saw this thing and had a whole explanation explanation for how what led up to it and everything and then um John Liguizamo the actor was talking about being on executive decision with Steven Seagal Liguizamo's um a Latina Latino guy he's maybe I don't know five eight five nine", 5'9". Smaller framed guy. And he says, Seagal walks in the room, like into the, I think there may be some rehearsing to be done or something, but not right at this moment. We're just coming into the room together to get all the actors together.

And Seagal comes in like, I'm the commanding officer around here. My authority will not be questioned. And Leguizamo goes, fucking douchebag. And Seagal fucking slams him up against the wall and knocks the wind out of him and like sets him in place. And Leguizamo's like, he's a maniac. He's six foot five.

He just like knocks the wind out of me. How has he stayed working so long if he's just going around assaulting people? It's certainly not like, God, well, you know, actors sometimes have crazy tendencies when they're this good. Yeah, but the sexual and the sexual slavery or his blankie. Like, Steven Seagal is a fascinating figure when you consider that he had those women at his home that were...

Can you back up a little bit? Because you glossed over something there that I have no idea about. The blankie? Yeah, he had to testify. He was either deposed. He was on the witness stand. I don't remember what it was in regards to. It might have been those women that they were saying

he had as sex slaves in his house, or it might have been those two Russian women that he had on the payroll that he was fucking daily. I'm not sure which, but they were saying that he had abused them and done some stuff, and he had his blanket with him as like a comfort thing like he's like yeah i need that with me yeah he had a log

yeah um uh the dalai lama blessed him and told him that he was a deity now and uh he apparently took it very seriously he like came back he told rob schneider he's like, the Dalai Lama, in all of his grace and intelligence, said to make me a deity. I am now Kubu Kapaka. And I got to tell you, I feel much more spiritually at one with the world. And I feel more powerful. Like, everything in my career and everything in life is just going to be easier now. He's just a fucking maniac. And he, like, buys into his own bullshit about being, you know, like a CIA-trained hitman and all of that madness.

Steven Seagal's fascinating. And then you go back to his TV show. Have you ever seen his TV show? No. He was literally a police officer. They made him a cop somewhere. The show comes on, and he's like, I'm Steven Seagal, and the last 30 years I've been kicking ass on film and television. But what you didn't know is the whole time I was a cop.

And you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, what? You're a cop? Yeah, yeah. Apparently he's like an honorary deputy. No, he's not. Nobody. Yes, yes. It's a thing.

It's a really thing. I'm aware of this. Is he a cop with a badge and a fucking gun? And he infuriates the law and stops him and is like, don't run away, bro, or I'll kill you in the name of the law. In that kind of way, he's a goddamn cop. And he's there with the cops, and they're arresting people. And, like, he always would have these moments. And, you know, keep in mind he's dressed in some douchebag commando.

Where he's like, brother, you can't be living your life this way. This ain't the way to be living life, brother. You've got to get right with the Lord. And his accent would change depending on who he was talking to. So, like, you go back in some of his movies and he sounds Italian. In others, he sounds somewhat Asian, like Japanese. In his reality show, he sounds black. Now he's black.

He's speaking ebonics to this guy. He's like, brother, that ain't how it's going to go down. That ain't how it goes down, brother. That don't jive. And it's like, whoa, whoa. That's not even a 21st century black man. No, no, no. He's from an airplane.

Your mama ain't got no sense anyhow. And what is this guy? What is he doing now? He's not still a police officer. There's no way. I don't know if he's still doing it to this day, but as early as three years ago he was doing it. I saw him three years ago in Vegas.

He's fucking huge. He's intimidating. You would not say anything. He's fat. He got really heavy, Steven Seagal. Yeah, he got fat as hell, didn't he? He looks a little heavy in these images. He's bigger than Trump.

Even as large as he was when I saw him maybe four years ago, even as large as he was then, in no way would you want to fuck with this guy. A couple of these, he's very fat. He's 6'5", and he's like a fat of like... He's 6'5", and he's got a big frame. And say what you...

And okay, he's not the guy who trained Anderson Silva, but he'll still beat the shit out of us. You know, like he is the guy who's been attached to martial arts since he was, I don't know, a teenager or something. Like he can fight, and you wouldn't want to face him. It must be easy to buy into your own bull. Did you do a Claude Van... What's his name? Cla dam claude van dam that's all i thought i missed i was gonna

add another syllable you know claude jacques van dam he uh jean-claude van dam jean-claude van i think that's what i was going for isn't that his name jean-claude van yeah all right he um he got into a fight with his own bodyguard did you know know this? They were at a bar or something. I don't know how drunk people were. It's so counterintuitive. And yeah, he and his bodyguard got into some sort of argument. And the signal that a fight was going to happen, like Jean-Claude Van Damme looks at his bodyguard. He decides and he takes off his glasses and puts them in his pocket, which is this like it's about to go down.

And they square up. There was one punch thrown. And he got knocked down. He got dropped like a sack of potatoes. And the fight ended. So Jean-Claude Van Damme was paid a guy to kick his ass basically? No. Well, basically.

Yeah. I like the way you put it. I see where you're coming from on that. And I would think like Jean-Claude Van Damme, like, he does real stuff. Like, I know it's choreography and such, but he's an amazing athlete. He looks like a kickboxer. Yeah, he seems like he knows martial arts. When I heard that story, that didn't take anything away from the potential mythos of Jean-Claude Van Damme.

potential mythos of john claude van damme like like you know when you when i hear like a bar fight and it's his bodyguard i mean that's just enough like evidence there to tell me oh this wasn't a square fight first of all he's fighting someone who's definitely bigger than and stronger than him like he didn't pick a guy smaller than himself to guard him like he's fighting a bigger stronger guy and he's drunk because john claude damn van damme likes to drink and, and he's drunk because Jean-Claude Van Damme likes to drink and party, and he's in a bar. And you say it's a one-punch knockout. Like, if you had said, and then they went outside and they put on a bit of headgear and everybody, like, puts a little Vaseline on,

so there would be, you know, really under those conditions when everybody was ready to go, he still lost. The one-punch knockout, and this is, like, in UFC, too. Like, when McGregor beat Aldo, right? It was like a 13-second fight, something like that. I become less sure that if they ran it back, it would go the same way. You know, if one guy slowly whittles down the other, you know,

by just being that much better than him over the course of nine minutes and then finishes him, you know scores posted man that guy beat that guy but that's but if one guy just like gets a punch in right away if there's a one punch fight and it ends it's like ah we didn't really get to see what they both had to offer one person just had an opening right away and i don't know i to me it just seems it's a dominating win but somehow less convincing when it's only a second yeah it definitely is when it's a flash knockout there right at the beginning and it's just like oh game over bro like conor mcgregor was just 10 times better than him clearly and well no that's not exactly how it went although there

is a stylistic thing to consider that make con McGregor, that's his fighting style. He's looking for those openings all the time from the first second to the last second. Is McGregor versus Mayweather going to happen? It's looking more and more likely. They booked an arena, and the talk is whether or not the UFC is going to get together with the Mayweather people. But something about where they booked the arena they booked, apparently that arena is in cahoots with the ufc um so i all right first thing to throw out there dana white lies right dana white is he doesn't always tell the truth but he said that in connor's contract it doesn't just say like mma he's like you know anti-fightfighting, MMA, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. It mentions boxing in his contract. So apparently, Conor,

according to Dana White, who we've established lies, says, you know, he has to go through the UFC to put this thing together. And now it's just a matter of, like, how big a bite does the UFC get out of this? I don't know. So they're trying to...

Let's take a guess here about the money i want to i want to think of i want to take a guess at like what i think the money is going to be because i think mayweather i think mayweather at least wants 100 million and i'm thinking it's more like he would be i think he would be he would rather be closer to 150 than 100 like just based on what they've done in the past and like each of their star power he's not going to read the check tell him what he wants to hear and that's the thing about he can't he'll find somebody to read it to him mayweather is fucking illiterate but he is a businessman um he's gotta gotta do that for him like i guarantee if you if you like got an honest answer like if

you're like hey whether what why don't you take some adult education classes and you know learn to read the english language he'd be like i think i got that's my mother fucker right there reads shit to me ain't that right jay yeah man i read real good you think he has like a job he makes 80 grand a year reading shit this is probably like the best reader in eighth grade in all of new jersey just like following him around like that's a number two ranked public school system right there. That guy's a good reader. Anyway.

I don't know what's going to happen. It seems like it's more likely. A ton of money. What? You were talking. Kyle and I were talking at the same time so i was being quiet but can i say let me jump in here real quick i never got that much into the usc i have i watched a bit um but i have to say paying pay-per-view for some of those shows has to be one of the

dumbest things you can do because like 10 000 people pay or 100 000 people pay for the the pay-per-view and then 9 million people watch that 16-second fight for free on Facebook 20 minutes later. Yeah. That's the rarity, though. Sometimes it's not even streamable. It's just a gift. Yeah, right. That's what I'm saying.

I have to feel like for a UFC fan, that has to be like one of the worst case of blue balls in the world is they hype the fight up, they hype the fight up, and it's done in 36 seconds. That's not the worst case the worst case is no the worst case is that it it goes three it goes five rounds and at the end of it one guy's a little scratched and the other guy's real tired and then the judges say the guy who actually lost one that's when it goes real bad that's not the worst case to me the worst case is when they hype it for nine months or six months or whatever. You're excited as fuck and the one guy

hits his head in a bathtub during the weight cut and the fight doesn't happen. That is unique to combat sports. I've said this a million times. There's always going to be a Super Bowl. This year, I guarantee it, there will be at least four Stanley Cup Finals games.

I'm sure of it. It doesn't matter if the captain gets hurt or not. They'll play those games. In the UFC, there is a very good chance, about a 50% chance, that one of the headliners won't fight. I understand from their marketing perspective why they have to hype it for so long. But they always must be like, Dana White must always be kind of panicking because you've got an entire organization based on individuals, not a team, just individuals,

and what they do all year is crash dieting up and down and fist fighting one another, and you have to be like, oh, God, if you can make it till January, please, please just don't fuck yourself up or hurt your heel or something three weeks before and ruin me yeah it would it would be like if NASCAR was a demolition derby and you still had the same amount of money that would invest in it and watch the fucking drivers like oh god damn it Jimmy Johnson just got hit so fucking hard I got 200 million on that team

you know it's there's a lot at risk there, and you could lose your guy. He could fucking die. I mean, it's the truth. He could die tonight if that's your guy that you got your organization based around. Chances are he won't. But to answer Boogie's question, when that happens, it's like all of the fun compressed into that one moment. When Connor knocked him out, it was like, whoa! Oh, my oh my god can you believe it everything that we thought was going to happen this this this long drawn out battle of like this guy who's good at this thing and this guy who's

great at that thing that didn't fucking happen because the guy who constantly says nothing but i'm the greatest walked out there and slapped the guy who was supposed to be this real challenge to him like he was nothing knocked him unconscious and then stood there unscathed like who you got next you were watching the birth of this generation's muhammad ali right like you were like is this guy good is this guy great is this guy a fraud what's gonna happen and then you get jose aldo who's unbeaten in like 10 years or something outrageous like that i might be stretching it and uh and then you know connor goes in and just knocks him flat on his ass in a few seconds and you're like oh my god now we know now we know here is the mike tyson of 2000 teens maybe i don't know i think that it makes a fickle business

and a fickle sport to be in like i watched sydney crosby i watched those uh those highlights from the other night one of him slapping a guy in the balls which i was like that sounds right and then the other like he comes up behind a guy and like hits slaps him in the balls with a stick and then like spins around like he didn't do it whenever i see them like try to play off a foul in any sport i'm like don't you know we're all fucking watching like especially if you're sydney crosby yeah they're just full of people like the cameras on you nonstop. We saw you slap the guy in the balls. It's not like you were like, like in a like wrapped up together and you

like gave him a little Trump pad or something. He probably does that too. You flopped him with a stick and it was safe for everybody to see. I think Trump pad needs to be a thing. I saw him score that goal. He's skating in and with one hand he fucking shovel scoops the puck and elevates it up to really high, which I read much more.

And apparently that's – they're like, well, there's only a few NHL players who could even do that. So the goalie just played the odds, and he got it wrong. Yeah, there's the clip right there. It's outrageous. And I have no real comprehension for – It's crazy. Like this is something that other players don't – it's not like Like this, this is something that other players don't. It's not like,

Oh, this is kind of like a couple of years ago when, uh, fucking Malkin did the same thing. It's like, no other players don't do this. Like Sidney Crosby is like in his own league, at least in modern hockey,

like Connor McDavid. I think he's going to be like the new dynamo for the Oilers. I think he's going to be on that same level perhaps as Sid Oilers. I think he's going to be on that same level, perhaps, as Sid. But he's just, it's almost frustrating. It makes me want to hate Pittsburgh, but I almost like to have to try and like Pittsburgh because Woody hates them so much, and we can't just devolve into hating Pittsburgh.

No, no, that's fine. There's nothing wrong with that. I accept your terms. Any Pittsburgh Penguins fan who complains at all, or have complained since 2009, honestly, fuck off. You have Sidney Crosby and Evgeny Malkin. That's all I'm going to say about it because everybody, including the three of you, are starting to

glaze over. If you take Sidney Crosby and Malkin and put them in the same room, you'll have one good hockey player and a fucking cryberry cheater. This goal you guys have been watching on stream, not impressive at all. The Flyers do that with no hands at all.

They just blow it in. Yeah, they just will it in. Actually, it's the fans. It's kind of like a game where they throw their batteries and weighted wristlets at the puck to try and knock it into the net. Did you hear about that last year, Boogie? You're not a hockey fan, so I don't know if you would. Man, I tell you. Yeah, no uh they gave

out these light up wristbands that were heavy because they obviously had to light up and they were they had a plan where everybody would wear them and they'd have like choreographed lights so it'd be in the big stadium and it would all go black and it'd be like dancing patterns and stuff everybody's wrist like wristlet and it was super neat like they hand them out for free philly gets it and on the first day they have to cancel the whole thing because all the philly fans are throwing their weighted bracelets at the reps and players i love philly oh my god they're the best fans in the world no one has more passion for their game or their team and like it when when a player works hard that's all you have to do you even have to be great like back in the day luke richardson right

every time he went into the boards for the puck, there was no quit. He didn't get it every time, but he gave full effort every time. And he became a Philly legend. Philly loves its blue collar, grinding, hardworking players. And they support them to the end of the world.

You come in out of shape, Philly will hate you so much. You take plays off, they go ballistic about it. They're just right. They are right about this. They value the right things. They worship the right people. If you don't bring

your A effort, then Philly will let you know. It's incredible. They valued Hextall for his grit. He's still the GM. He's a legend. All right. Anyway, Kyle, you're cutting this off.

I have two topics that I would suggest we go to. Do the better one. Good call. Do the better one. Is Terror Attack in London today? I don't know about better. Oh, I'm out of date on it. I got flashes on my phone.

So it seemed to me, I was watching the coverage while I bought magic cards, but it seemed to me that this guy was driving over the bridge that leads to Parliament, over the River Thames or something like that, and he just crashed into a group of people who were standing on that bridge, throwing one woman over the bridge into the river. She was pulled out and she was okay. I think it's four total dead, including him. And what he did after he crashed the car into those people is he continued down and then

he crashed into a building very near Parliament, apparently, and then got out and started running into one of the office buildings there with a knife. And he stabbed a policeman to death and then was shot by another policeman. But they were saying, like, catastrophic injuries. I saw some of the footage of the people lying on the bridge. Was the first cop armed? Do you know? I don't know. It's very hard to stab an American policeman.

Probably a billy club. I don't know. I would imagine that because they're at Parliament there, you would think that maybe those cops have a gun. But I don't know. I would imagine that because they're at Parliament there, you would think that maybe those cops have a gun, but I don't know UK law enforcement well enough. Now, it seems that many of them don't, and they just sort of have those quick response teams that are actually heavily armed, as they usually call.

But you would think maybe near Parliament there, some sort of... Yeah, like a boosted cop. Yeah, they leveled up to level two. I wonder which system is better well i guess american cops need guns because americans have guns so yeah that's a thing but here's one thing for sure one thing for sure is you take away guns uh you cannot prevent a motivated person from doing what they feel they need to do i don't know what this guy's motivation

was i have no clue why he did it. But here's the thing. Take away guns, and we still all drive two-ton murder machines. You know what I'm saying? I don't... Could you imagine? Can you imagine? And God, please don't let this be foreshadowing anything.

It was a scenario. Can you imagine some lunatic loose in Times Square? I mean, all he's got to do is rent an SUV. And just, I mean, how many people could that person kill? And then, you know, I mean, obviously in America he'll be shot. But you take it in a place where they don't have guns, where even the police force doesn't commonly carry guns. How far does this motivated, trained person go?

He's going to go out there for an hour while the cops throw their batons at his car. If you're in a Chevy Tahoe or something, think of how much damage you could do if you know, alright, first cop sees me, I've got five minutes before anybody's going to show up and shoot me to drive around. That happened in America a long time ago. There is no such thing as...

During W's thing, right? So W's thing was like, hey, I kept America safe. There's never been any terror attacks in the U.S. And everyone just kind of agreed on that. Oh, Juan. That was during his. Okay, first of all, there's the 9-11 thing.

But we'll just give him a pass on that. And then there was like the Egyptian airliner that got shot up in Los Angeles. And then in UNC, not far from here, a Muslim guy just started ramming his car through all the students shouting Allah Akbar while he did it. And no one counted these. But anyway, now apparently driving cars through crowds of people is like

you know. Yeah. Well, I mean, think about it. It's not what ISIS is prescribing. They're literally putting out like lots of videos. They're saying, hey, this is what you do. Like, you know, guns are regulated. Explosives are regulated. Many, many They're literally putting out lots of videos. They're saying, hey, this is what you do. Guns are regulated. Explosives are regulated. Many, many dangerous things are regulated.

The government even looks at certain combinations of chemicals that you're ordering that normally would have been thought innocuous. Oh, no big deal. Let's get a little ammonium nitrate. Who cares? Now they care. But you can rent a van. You can rent a big rider truck. You could even just kill a driver and take his big thing away. And you have plausible deniability literally up until you decide to go crazy and murderous.

Like, if someone just stops, what are you doing with this car? I'm just driving around. You know, is there anything in there? Nope, just a four-ton vehicle with a lot of power and a lot of fuel in the tank. A lot of people never consider Timothyothy mcveigh who did not use a gun to my recollection you could be wrong i'm looking at the wikipedia page but it's a pony as an arc as an arkansan i i you know it's just i live just a few hours away from oklahoma city and of course this impacted the people that live in this region very very deeply he killed

according to wikipedia 168 people uh injured more than 680, and all he needed was a license to rent a U-Haul truck, and the ability to go down to wherever the hell he got the ammonium nitrate, and to build a bomb in the back of that U-Haul, and then park in front of the government building. Coming from someone who has built bombs about that,

not quite that large before, but a very similar composition, it's a big deal what he did. He had a lot of shit. He had these 55-gallon drums. I think he had fuel oil and the ammonium nitrate. He made a very big and a very expensive bomb. Yeah.

Do you have to mix? I've done Tannerite before, and it's important that you really get it kind of mixed well. Is that how it is with ammonium nitrate and whatever else goes with it? Like you have to mix it up somehow in like giant. They can't just be like a barrel of one next to a barrel of the other and you do a thing. Yeah, no.

My understanding of the fuel oil thing is it's the barrels of ammonium nitrate and then they dump the fuel oil in and it soaks down and sorts the liquid. Yeah. But look, I don't know exactly what fucking Timothy McVeigh did. With the Timothy McVeigh thing, I was really young at the time, but wasn't his driving force, the reason

he did that, I believe, was after Waco, when they went and burned all those Branch Davidians alive, he wanted to strike back at the federal government, who he blamed directly for that. And so he hit that building there in Oklahoma City, and he lamented for the rest of his days before the state killed him. Or I guess, was it a federal court? In any case, before they killed him, that he didn't know those kids were there. Now, look, I'm not defending a goddamn terrorist or anything i'm just saying it's important to know that that like he wasn't a madman who was like ah there's a daycare there huh well let's add a

couple extra tons you know that's i was kind of waiting my turn i was going to say that like because i thought the media really painted it like he attacked a daycare you know they're like the daycare was here in the building this is where the kids were this is where the truck a daycare. They're like, the daycare was here in the building. This is where the kids were. This is where the truck was. Daycare, daycare, daycare. And it almost seemed like this guy attacked a daycare if you were to watch the lamestream media. But of course, his real motivation

was kind of like an anarchy type thing. Well, I mean, The media always does that. Of course they're going to. Obviously the one thing that gets people the most invested. Secondly, you don't want to encourage copycats, really. You don't want to encourage he did this because he hates the government. And if you hate the government, all you got to do is go

run a U-Haul. It sure did make him mad. I've never read this, but we were talking about conspiracy theories last week. I bet if we looked right now, there is a conspiracy theory that would claim that there was no children in that daycare, that the federal government went back and, like, faked that there were children killed in that daycare to, like, smear that on Timothy McVeigh. Anybody have Alex Jones' Skype? We'll just call him real quick. Yeah, yeah. Oh, he confirmed. He just confirmed. He just confirmed. Yep. You don't even have

to look it up. I'm already sold. It's too feasible. Not Occam. You know, just Occam's razor. You know, it's the most simple explanation for what I imagine that fantasy land. But, yeah, I'm sure Alex Jones believes something. There's not, like, if you asked him or Jesse Ventura or any of them,

like, what's something that just went out exactly? Is Jesse Ventura that far off the deep What's something that just went out exactly? He's not as far as Alex Jones. He used to be off the... When he was governor of Minnesota, I think. Minnesota. I thought he was pretty reasonable. I thought he was a good governor. Oh, I've been crazy since day one, Woody.

How many cities in Hull never know? He seemed pretty cool. and then even a few years afterwards and and now it seems like he's always painted like they just get him to say the wildest stuff I don't know because he did that show like he's done either at least one show I I don't really follow that guy that much beyond my incredible love for the film predator which I watch two or three times a month. I swear to God. I bought it. I just bought it. What's the point of renting it over and over?

He bought the rights to it. He's such a fan. Now I make money every time you watch it. In 2068, this is all mine. I fucking love Predator. But I think he did a conspiracy theory show where each week he'd be like, let me tell you about some more crazy shit I believe in.

You know, and like every week that and I think that maybe that got into his own head because when you start like talking to people who are from a specific genre of life, if you will, you can kind of start feeding into their bullshit. Like, I've met a lot of the same archetype of person before, the kind of person with bunkers

and lots of like high dollar weaponry the guys who are preparing for some real end time shit and uh after you know you can be around people like that too much i'm sorry taylor i think that that's how christianity got so popular like all you need to do is go to church on the regular. And suddenly the idea of like a zombie that is his own dad, where you like, you know, symbolically eat his blood and drink him and whatever.

It starts to make a lot of sense just because week after week. Or because Constantine made it the official religion of the Roman empire in like 480. I think that contributed a little more. Well, he saw the cross in the air before the battle and he won. So why not? That's true. So you logically painted on on the shields get it going you know if i went into a battle and i thought that i saw some sign and i live in olden days as the historians say

and i see like oh you know those christians they're kind of kooky and i see a cross like in the light and i'm scared for my life and then i survive a battle like think like it's not stupid back in the day you know i'm not talking about the base i'm not talking about how it got its start i'm talking about like it's spread like today oh you know today you create like kind of a um what do they call like a uh like yeah i'm going for like large enough critical mass uh you create a critical mass in this thing, and then it just swells, and everyone else starts getting involved in the groupthink until all of a sudden geology is not real anymore because week after week you've been just bombarded with these ideas.

Yeah. Anyway. Well, I will say that that is actually affecting me right now because I subscribe to the conspiracy subreddit. And that's part of my daily viewing. And it makes you really think because I originally subscribed to it. I was like, man, some of this shit's out there. I love it.

That was like a year ago. But then the election, some of that shit started making real sense, right? And like now, now I guess it's just kind of melted my scale of what's logical and what's not, because some of this stuff, I don't know if you're aware, but there's a movement now to try to educate people who weren't alive or around during 9-11 to remind people that a third tower fell down during 9-11. Of course, having watched the entire thing on television, just glued to it, tears pouring out of my eyes as I watched America die that day.

Of course, I remember that a third tower fell fell but a lot of people don't know that and so that's one of the things they're obsessed with right now and i'm like you know looking back and i'm like why did that third tower fall like i don't know the plane certainly didn't hit it and maybe it was like debris but i don't know and then you look at the skyscrapers fall? You know? Right? Goddamn, they got to make those things better. There was another tower a thousand feet higher on fire, and it fell, so it just melted all the nearby buildings. And you're like, wait, what? And then there's the BBC thing,

where they said that tower fell 30 minutes before it did. Yeah. I organize that space. They're going to chalk that up to like, yeah. I'm only a week away from Alex Jones' website and buying his fucking dick pills won't make my balls shrivel up you know

I watched Alex I watched Alex Jones on the Joe Rogan podcast and he's saying this ridiculous shit right oh my god psychic vampires are doing this and all these conspiracy theories. And then like every fourth one, Rogan would call him out on it and be like, wait, wait, what? Talk about that.

And then he'd have sources for it and like proof, you know? And then some of these things like the Gulf of Tonkin. I'm sorry about sick. That's a real conspiracy theory yeah the Vietnam war was started on a lie the Iraq war was started on a lie you know like oh come on

here's my soundbite for those people who hate me on the internet and just want to just oh nice here's my chance here's my soundbite here's the only thing I know here's my chance here's my soundbite here's what i here's the only thing i know here's the only thing i know i absolutely know that i know i know that i know next to nothing i know that whatever it is that i've been told and whatever it is that i've been led to believe is probably bullshit i know that 98 of my convictions the

things that i think are right and the things that I think are true are probably absolutely not. The only thing I know is that I can't know. Right. I guess. Yeah. I was really hoping that you were going to say there's one thing I know. There's one thing I know. This is what I know.

Fluoride makes you gay. I was hoping it would be a thing. Fluoride makes you gay. Frogs change sexes. Like, this is what I know. I've never said that about frogs woody yeah he uh he's an odd duck but like even like boogie you were saying that you'll think about it and be like how did that third tower fall like is there a visceral thing because i know when i

think about like the the you're kind you're an idiot conspiracy theories like maybe the moon landing isn't real. I have a visceral like brain twitch. That's like, nope, get out of that space. Don't even think about that. That's so stupid. That is so stupid. Like, do you have that where you just want to shut it down almost like internally?

Like believing the conspiracy theory. I try to be frank with you. I, I try to keep an open mind about anything. So if one of those ideas present themselves and I have that thought, I will try to, as I try to do with everything, I will look at a documentary about the moon landing and why it absolutely did happen and another documentary trying to disprove it. So one that proves it and one that disproves it and then try to draw a conclusion for myself. And like when it came to the moon landing, to me, it seems just obvious that we actually did do it like it seems like there's i mean with a powerful enough telescope you can just see the equipment on the damn moon so i don't really is that true i think that's i don't think that's

true so they can do it with a there's a space telescope we have where you can do that you can see the tracks where the the rover drove and stuff but uh not not here on earth apparently um and i think one of the issues was the... Is it the angle or something? Look, this is my Google research that I've done before, because I watched Joe Rogan talk about all this shit at length, about how he used to not believe in the moon landing, and then his mind was changed, and then

he explained the... There was some evidence that NASA put forward. They were like, oh, here's some pictures of a guy in space, and it turned out they were faked. They weren't faked. They were training photos that they altered and doctored to make it look like a spacewalk that never actually happened but there's plenty of photos that are completely real you know and just can't be disputed and there is a telescope whether it's on earth or a satellite-based telescope that you can look at the moon and you can see where the

rover drove and you can see the rover still parked up there and shit and at least i've been told so i certainly haven't fucking peered through the thing that's the thing it always gets back to right the argument from that episode of it's always sunny it's like oh i see and have you poured over the documents yourself have you have you read all of the information it's like well well no i haven't fucking went to a library and gotten like those big fucking thick books and went some information like no like i didn't go through the reams of information i trusted that a guy on the internet wouldn't lie to me or someone else would call him out on his lie and based on that i i came to my conclusion i will tell you the day that i lost my mind the most um probably the craziest ever is when we landed this most recent lunar or not lunar, robot on Mars.

And he started roving and they started sending back pictures. And so NASA uploaded this picture that then 10 minutes later got re-uploaded. Exact same picture, only they had, quote, color corrected it. And they had color corrected it to look real reddish the way every picture from nasa's ever looked but this picture was not reddish the planet did not look red and so that made me wonder okay is this fucking rover even on mars is that a picture somewhere in a fucking desert okay if not why maybe maybe mars just isn red, but for public perception, they color correct all the photos to look red. And the most obvious thing is that the camera on the fucking rover is probably not that good because they wanted a real light one.

But who fucking knows, man? Like who fucking knows? But my brain just like for two hours that day, I was like, the fucking planet's not red, and they're fucking lying to us, dude. Well, see, on that one, we know it's red. not red and they're fucking lying to us dude well see on that one we know it's red you know there's a reason like it's named mars is the god mars is named for the planet mars because it is red because it's always been red you can see with your naked eye and it's red right have you been i can't see what it looks like under that atmosphere i think what boogie's saying is not that mars isn't red but that this thing might not have... The photos are fake. The photos could have been in Arizona.

And they had the color corrected to make it... Or even that was a photo from the rover, but the photos that they release are always reddened to match the perception. You know what I'm saying? Because it's just the rocks. The sky obviously would probably look red on Mars. That makes sense.

But with the rocks? Because I don't fucking know. I don't know what part of the world is red the earth looks blue and green from outer space but do i even know that's true because there's flat earthers out there telling me those are all fucking doctored the goddamn thing is flat so i don't know i don't know i'm just like with everything i like how you like with these conspiracy theories you like everybody starts like building up with all like the questions that they're like they should have answers and then you get to the real questions of like is the dirt on mars red is it an atmosphere thing is it

dust in particle i don't know i don't you have to be like admit like i don't know fucking anything about this maybe it's not even red maybe it's just the atmosphere playing apparently making it look like there's iron all over the place and it's rusty i don't't know. Source? Have I brought back any Mars dirt? No. No, you're absolutely right. It is the iron. The iron oxide that's in the dirt and in the soil is one of the key pieces of evidence

that they always come to that there used to be oxygen in the atmosphere because you need the oxygen to react with the iron and make iron oxide, right? Oxygen? Yeah, you need the oxygen. And then the planet's red because you know there's windstorms constantly and it's throwing rust up into the atmosphere big dust clouds of rust because

it's an angry war god so depending on the part of the world that you live in the dirt tends to be a different color um and here in arkansas one of the very first things i noticed when i relocated here from virginia is in virginia we have a very rocky and a kind of grayish brown soil. So that's what I was used to seeing. When we got here to Arkansas, we have a very reddish soil. Red clay. And in many places, you have mostly just red clay, right? And so my wife lived here for like three or four years. So my wife lived here for like three or four years, and she was used to Michigan. Michigan's got a very dark brown color of dirt up there. You don't even see it that often because there's very few mountains, so you wouldn't even really think about it.

But one day I pointed out to her like three or four years after she lived here, I was like, yeah, you know, because Arkansas has got that red clay. And she goes, what? I'm like, you never noticed that the dirt here is different? She's like, what? And I'm like, well, right there. Look right there, honey. Don't you see that red clay. And she goes, what? And I'm like, you've never noticed that the dirt here is different? She's like, what? And I'm like, well, right there. Look right there, honey. Don't you see that red dirt? She goes, well, that's just that one hill, right?

And I'm like, no, honey. All of the dirt around here looks like that. It's either the dirt in our yard is going to be a little darker colored. But there's tons of that clay. 90% of Arkansas is that clay. And she just looked at me like I told her that god had died or something like just i don't know how she didn't notice in the three years three years she lived here but i mean she's she just doesn't notice those kinds of things she's mostly there was a thing on reddit like you know what did you learn embarrassingly late in life and uh there was a girl on there that didn't know unicorns were fake like she was in her 20s. Look, as far as supernatural beings go,

a horse with a horn seems pretty possible. We already have moose. You know what the opposite of that misbelief is? It's the people who don't believe or don't know that the narwhal is a real thing. Yeah, I was going to say, narwhal? Why is it a rhinoceros? You are living in a shed having been kidnapped from the fucking infant room at a hospital if you don't know what a rhino is

no i'm not saying she didn't know what a rhino is i'm saying there's precedent for animals with horns so to think that yeah i think that a horse could have a horn is not outrageous to me there's no i don't think it is there are horse horse-like animals like a moose, deer, that already grow hornish things, you know? So it really isn't that big of a stretch. Yeah, yeah. So I thought it was fun that she was like, she mentioned it like, you know,

like somehow they were talking about like, yeah, you know, it's weird how there's horses and there's zebras, but they're not that related. And she's like, yeah, and like unicorns. And they're all like, wait, what? Unicorns? And she was like, yeah, and like unicorns. And they're all like, wait, what? Unicorns? And she was like, new topic, new topic. You know, like they just all kind of like, they're not real.

And she's like, right, yeah, I know, I know, I know. But yeah, she learned at like 23 that unicorns were fake. Jesus. Not a bright bulb there. I'm trying to think of something like honestly, I know my animals pretty good. I know which ones are real and fake. All the ones that are half man are fake.

There are no half animals. I wanted to be... There are half animals, aren't there? No, no, no. I'm saying half human, half animal. Like a minotaur. You said all half animals are fake,

and I've got donkeys out there that would like to have a word with you. He's a whole animal, though. Yeah, that's a whole animal. Not like a dragon ogre or a centaur or a minotaur or something like that. There is a badger duck. There's a badger duck, a platypus. No, these are all animals. The platypus does seem. These are all animals.

A platypus does seem like it should be. And have a head with venom? What is that shit? A platypus is truly one of the most bizarre creatures. When you try to categorize it as a non-fucking biologist, as just a normal human being walking around, you're like, okay, I understand there's birds, and they're in the nest with the eggs, and then you get those reptiles, and then the amph and the mammals and all right I got in the fish okay you know that's a crystal invertebrate alright I'm following everything and then you get to that one you're like oh

well it's a furry water creature with a duck bill it lays eggs though and don't get too close it'll sting you you know what? The stinging thing I think you might have made up am I wrong on that? How much you want to bet it stings? One dollar PayPal bet for real money all right all right uh yeah they do stir let's see it's a venom delivering pincer thing or something i don't know exactly what it's called whether it's a stinger or a uh a fang it's it's it's not in its mouth it maybe it is in its mouth but i just looked up platypus facts in an autofill.

Platypus facts for children. Nobody else is Googling this. Platypus facts for adults. That's a non-existent domain. Oh, the venomous spur. So here you go. On top of all the other things that make this main... that make up this patchwork creation is a poison spur that the platypus can use

for self-defense or aggression. The spur can easily kill small animals, including rival platypuses, for mating, but it can also cause incredibly intense pain for fully grown human beings. Scientific understanding of the platypus venom isn't concrete. No evidence that it can kill you causes intense pain. An Australian man who once found himself on the receiving end of a platypus spur said a bullet would have been more enjoyable. And after receiving the sting, he lost all use of his arm. Fuck! I'm sure they mean like for a little bit.

For a little bit. Like not permanently. This would truly be a shit deer animal if it did that to you. Well, bit by a platypus. I got stung by it. Where do they live? Australia. Oh, man.

That is like, honestly. Kyle, your dollar has been sent, just so everyone knows. I would give a screenshot, but I don't know if there's some security intervulnerability with showing this email. But it's a real thing. You can confirm it if you want. Yeah, my phone went, you have money. I was like, shit.

Did it really? No. Oh, but anyway, I did really send it. Do you know who Ray Comfort is? No. I was like, did it really? No. Oh, but anyway, it did. I did really send it. Do you know who Ray Comfort is? No, I know the name. He's a, he's a like evangelical Christian who has made like YouTube videos like back in the day of like doing the whole,

like the banana is proof that God and evolution isn't true. And I'm going to explain to you how it perfectly forms into the human hand isn't that wonderful? Children or whatever the fuck you say whatever explained in that the banana is a product of his knowledge Kyle Fucking thing than the banana There couldn't be a dumber fucking thing than the banana. It's like using the platypus as an example seems like it from that warped point of view, the platypus is so much better than the banana as an example where you could be like, they're trying to tell you that all these animals are specified.

Well, then all these pieces here. What's that specified for? Who's got drunk that day? Yeah, like whatever you'd say, like that's the better argument. So all you creationists out there to to make your argument like, eh, like, eh, that much more compelling, switch to platypus over banana. I think the lens of the eye is a better argument for those people. Apparently, the development of that is very difficult. And also, there's this insect that, like, shoots this stuff out of its butt that reacts with the air. The bombardier beetle.

Yeah, the bombardier beetle is a real good case for intelligent design because of the steps of evolution and it would have first had to develop this thing that sprays the stuff out of its butt, but it wouldn't work because it would have to simultaneously develop the ability to spray it or something like that

otherwise the beetle would just spontaneously explode on its own without this other part. So they always use that as some thing for intelligent design taylor's point is mistakes i heard they used to use the giraffe as you know proof that it wouldn't happen but then there's i forget the details of it but there's something about the giraffe that kind of proves its neck grew over time because like like maybe its brain connects to its eyes like and it goes down and comes back up and there's like a delay that it would rather not have. Yeah.

I think there's also something about like, like if the giraffe had like something about how the giraffe had to over time, like get something about when it bends down to drink and the rush of blood to the brain, if it didn't have a special circulatory system would let, would be bad. It would either die or it's or something. I've read this before that it's like, oh no, he evolved to have this long neck because if you just made a long neck thing with the same

biology as a zebra, if you're just like, oh, I'm gonna take that zebra and the neck's eight feet long now, and the zebra bent down to drink, all the blood rushes to its head and it just fucking passes out and dies or something. So, you know, there's no intelligent design. Let's get over that. You want to do an ad or two and then change topics

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I bought a pillow online recently and it did the same kind of like, you know, like, I don't know. This isn't true, but it was almost like you got a pillow this big, add a drop of water to it, and then suddenly, you know, it's like sea monkeys or something. What kind of pillow was it? Was it one of those that stays cool, like a gel type pillow? No. The remark, I thought, I was having a hard time sleeping time sleeping and you know clogging up and all this stuff so i bought one that's like super hypo allergenic like can't be infested but that was what made the pillow interesting i bought this pillow off amazon i think it was like 75 but um for one right and uh but it said it was a cooling

pillow or like a gel center or some shit and i really really like that pillow that has become my like the golden boy if you will in the closet of pillows you know jerry seinfeld had the one polo that's the golden boy um this is definitely my golden boy pillow like if and if for some reason i wake up in the middle of night and i don't have the golden boy on my ear i'm like oh this is a special treat tonight because like a normal pillow you put it under your ear and it'll stay cool and cold for like three seconds this thing stays cool and cold for many minutes all right like throughout the course of the night it turns a regular pillow because your body heat just soaks in eventually but for like 10 minutes this thing every time

you squeeze it a little bit more or twist your head a little bit, it's like, ooh, that's cool and cold. And I really like that. That's nice. Sounds like a good investment. I want to talk about Boogie. Boogie, how the hell is YouTube doing? Well, it's been a rocky damn ride over the last couple of months, man, I got to tell you. I like the way you said that, actually. A lot of people just completely deny.

Oh, awesome, awesome. More popular every day. Swimmingly. Nothing but a straight lift up. I have to say that I have a core audience that no matter what happens, they're going to stick by me. And I love that core audience. They're incredible people.

And there's enough of them to where every video should get 100,000 to 200,000 views, no matter what I upload. to where every video should get 100 to 200,000 views no matter what upload. I've literally uploaded absolute garbage in which I talk about hurting my butt in January or whatever. And these videos get 100, 200,000 views. And then all of a sudden, I'm struggling with the algorithm. You know what I'm saying? And I'm struggling with the way that YouTube has made changes and that I missed two weeks off because I ended up injuring myself.

And the most embarrassing way ever, by the way. Yeah, I put a pin in that immediately. That's what I did. That was a virtual pin I was putting in. I didn't know what you were doing. But, you know, February was all about trying to get the right formula

to trick the algorithm into giving a crap about my channel again. And I thought it wasn't going to happen, and I thought it was going to be sub 100,000 views finally, and that's how it was going to be for the rest of the career. Nope. And then Nintendo Switch came out, and boom, I got on the featured page around number 25,

and now the algorithm is convinced once again to share my videos and recommended. And so not only do I have my core audience at about that hundred thousand views but then uh because the the algorithm has shifted again it's it's such a frustrating thing because my my content quality my videos have not changed i haven't changed nothing has changed the only thing that's changed really is that the way youtube shares my videos has changed it It's really frustrating. Sometimes it feels like, though,

if you don't change, that can be a problem too. Right, and I know that for sure. Like last year, what really saved my channel when I went through this exact same problem, January, February are always problem months for about everybody on YouTube for the most part. For views and money. Because obviously for money. For me, both.

It's always been for me, both. Just a quick aside for people that don't know. How much you pay for advertising and therefore how much YouTubers make drops off a cliff in January and February. It's at its peak for Christmas. And then the next two months, like no one's interested in advertising. So you don't earn very much. Right. That's great if you're somebody who has savings.

You know, it's not that big of a deal. For a smaller YouTuber, man, if they don't have enough for savings, if they're living paycheck to paycheck, they can ruin a person. I have known people who've just, I have to get a job. It's February and I'm out of money and I haven't made any money in two months. What do I do? Do I try to push through to June where, you know, it's historically lifts up or what do I do? And I'm like, Nope, uh, get the job, dude. Trust the job dude trust me part-time work it's the safe bet and then push it again in june but uh we're in a nice recovery period now most videos are getting 200 300 000 400 000 views that's a lot of money yeah it's it's it's been all right for sure and then i got a reference from jack's films uh put me in contact with his ad guy. And if you've watched Jack's content, every third video has an ad. And so I've been working with that guy. And now that I've got some sponsors working in, it doesn't really matter what YouTube does anymore. If YouTube doesn't want to pay me, if YouTube wants to make a video ad, non-ad friendly, it doesn't really matter because

I have another source of income. And then Twitch, i've been focusing on twitch as well too twitch is now about 30 of my monthly business which is you know i work a lot harder for the twitch stuff because you're streaming three hours a night five nights a week and um you know it feels like twitch can make more money on a given night but there's no long tail. Like the hour you don't stream Twitch is the hour your income ends. Right, and there's no future proofing. There's no, you know what I'm saying? I always worry about getting sick,

and if I ever get sick, what happens? I can't stream during that period of time. That's where YouTube is the better option. If I can't make videos for a month, I'll survive. Kyle's a super example of a great long tail. Guns, I don't know how into guns you are, but they don't change a lot. Some of the most popular guns were made in 1911, 1947.

It's not like 2019. It's going to be like, oh, he's on that old thing. No, dude. They're very slow moving. you know it's going to be like he's on that old thing no dude that guy Hickok45 is going to be getting the same number of views 30 years from now because he's got guns that people are going to care about in 30 years like oh World War 2 rifle let's see about that

same thing with Kyle people are going to want to watch somebody blow up a toilet with a tank in a yard 20 years from now just as much as right now I watched Jacob explain the impact of a repeating lever action gun on the Civil War and I'm very interested

in that. That's my favorite kind of gun. But we're literally talking about Civil War guns here, right? They're going to be just as interesting in 2020. You know, it's not going to go away. Even more interesting as time passes. That could be. Like, don't you like, have you ever watched the History Channel and you almost get like a weird resentment for the the newer weapons where they'll be like this is the saber of you know it was only ornamental in the 1830s

i'm like that's a bullshit sword it never cut anyone like fuck off and then you'll see one where it's like this one is rumored to be carried by a hun in 450 A.D., and it's like you could see nicks on it. It's like, oh, that's what you want to see. It's not cool or ornate, but it wasn't supposed to be. They just threw that in a guy's hand, and he went out and did it. But I don't know. God, I wish History Channel would go back to not fishing shows.

Man, I'll tell you, I used to love the History Channel with that stuff because whereas I don't personally feel the need to own very many guns, my roommate's got a gun, I've got a gun, it's for home security, that's it. But beyond that, I don't want to give a shit about modern guns especially, but the historical stuff and a look at the guns that we used to use and even future warfare and future tech, you know, the rail guns and stuff like i love learning about this stuff so fascinating so whereas i don't really i i've never felt comfortable owning in a gun because i'm a crazy person and i don't ever want to do anything stupid ever there were periods of my time in my life where i would have done something stupid i guarantee it right but um now i feel safe uh safe enough to have guns in the house again but uh i grew up around so many guns oh my god my grandfather when he passed his guns went to like four different people because he had just so many guns and then like when i go visit um uh my wife's family up in the up uh you know they're

not exactly rednecks you know but um the you know they still love their ski there's their their uh the skiing they still love the the the snowboarding they still love their ski. There's their, their, their, uh, the skiing. They still love the, the, the snowboarding. They still love the, the, all the winter sports. They love the four wheeling and they, they all love their guns,

man. And they're all hunters. So every time I go home, there's some new fresh animal that was killed that can now be eaten raw in raw dog. They just disgusting. Don't know. Cause they're very Northern part of Michigan,

uh, upper peninsula boogie back to you. I know. Yeah, it seems, I don't, I'm not as tight as gaming as I once was because my interest has shifted. I almost hate to admit that

because I feel like anyone who's interested in shift will hate to hear it. But it seems like a lot of gamers have shifted. Like when I look at what FaZe is doing, it's not about 360 no scopes anymore. I catch PewDiePie videos now and then. And they're usually not that game related. It's his opinion.

He's almost a vlogging channel based on the ones that I catch. First off, let me say what Felix has done is like completely reinvented himself. And I love it. I love. I will not miss a video now. And when he plays a game, I skip those videos. But that's not the same for the core part of his audience. He lost his core audience in that reinvent. It kind of sucks core the core part of his audience is he lost his core

audience in that reinvent it kind of sucks like 20 i'm stuck with him and so his videos you know are only getting two or three million views and i know that sounds like like the first world this problem on the planet but you know i mean his gameplay video of him playing happy wheels for the 400th time used to get six seven million you know so again if he played happy wheels like if he had never changed it it's hard to compare how well he's doing to how well he hypothetically would be doing because like i felt like my channel just made the same kind of videos for a while and i saw the the back half of the bell curve before i started focusing on woody craft and uh to me it's not that my videos got bad it's's that, you know, viewers could pretty much predict what I was going to say, you know, by my 2,500th video.

Right. And then you've got to keep in mind that, like, especially like Felix's audience, they've grown up. You know, a lot of them were just fascinated to watch him play some stupid, silly game. And now, you know, now they want to hear the political stuff. They want to hear the stuff, the dramatic stuff. They want to hear the political stuff they want to hear this stuff the dramatic stuff they want to hear what's happening on youtube they want to hear what's happening in felix's life because you know they still like video games and they still want to hear people talk about video games but they don't want to watch the games they want to hear people talk

about videos but then again i mean you still got like jacksepticeye and market player and they're doing record numbers you know so there's definitely people that are still watching gaming but i think the longer you've been on youtube the bigger your chance that your audience is going to mature with you and that's where you know i run into that problem now with the francis character which i still love to do as much as i did the very first time i love to do them but a lot of my audience is like this isn't why we like you anymore this isn't why we love you so you know i hate i hate when there's two francis videos in a row because i've got nothing to watch and um but then that brings in the new viewers that's so that's the the point the francis stuff isn't about the existing viewers it's about the existing viewers who are still fans and then bringing in the new faces you know i don't know

it's complicated man running youtube channel it's complicated i find it incredibly fascinating i hope everyone else does that i fear they don't but like this to me is my like i love hearing about what you're doing you're strategizing they i had a series about um it was like a real tech deep dive when the ps4 and xbox one were coming out what's kind of like he's pulling that pin so he can go back oh okay up there all right yeah yeah all right that was a nice don't forget it i i do like what he's doing but uh yeah i would compare like the xbox had this faster ram the ps4 had less ram but it was whatever and uh i probably have that wrong it's been a while but that whole series was designed for people who didn't know me already like a lot of the videos i did like mail monday for example i felt like we're most attracted to people who

already liked me and i'm like i need videos for example, I felt like we're most attracted to people who already liked me. And I'm like, I need videos for people who don't know me at all. I did to bring in, uh, you know, guys, I did a couple of things like that, that the tech Tuesday and, uh, you know, like, all right, this is for people it's designed for people who don't know me at all. And the microwave thing. Can I just say, I thought the microwave thing was brilliant. It's a shame that trolls like shut that all down. Like, like, like, like, like I thought the microwave thing was brilliant it's a shame that trolls like shut that all down like like like like i thought the microwave thing was not only brilliant

but that you know and some people would say oh these other guys did this whole microwave series before you and it's like yeah but those guys aren't this guy and this guy has access to some shit that maybe they didn't let's sit back and watch and see how this goes let them lay the foundation and you might have to watch grapes make plasma for the second time ever boohoo but let's see where this thing is headed right yeah i kind of hate that about youtube because like the slow-mo guys are the only guys who get to do slow-mo if anybody ever uploads something that's slow motion even just like they got on their iphone sometimes people just shit all over hey that's the slow-mo guys. They do our slow-mo. Well, they only put out like two videos a month, dude. Like, you know?

Or like the, who's the guy who got real famous and real, real quick? The hydraulic press guy? And then another hydraulic press channel comes along, and he just has to deal with that hate. We were talking about doing that for so long. I was like, guys, let's fucking pull this trigger right now. We're hydraulic press. We're like super hydraulic press all right like fuck his bullshit non-english speaking press like we're gonna get an american press and it's gonna be like steel on the top of the nonsense like finnish items that he's destroying like he's like today we're going to be destroying a small

plastic car with this 20 ton hydraulic press and it's like oh my god're going to be destroying a small plastic car with this 20-ton hydraulic press. And it's like, oh my god, dude. There's a tire right there sitting. You're not using? Do something. That's a little more interesting. Get a gerbil. Today we're going to do Play-Doh.

Oh, if you do Play-Doh, it's the same as if you put, say, a can of soda on it. Dude, it would be hilarious if you smushed a small road and like, hey, here's a hamster. Don't worry, it's been dead for minutes. Don't worry, it hasn't sold. He was painlessly asphyxiated in an upturned cup.

Yeah, we left him in a bucket in the sun for two days and now he's dead. And he's medium well. I got to know, Boogie. Hold on. Before, let me say, Woody, my new strategy on YouTube, and this is for your viewers out there,

I started really trying to focus back on the gaming stuff and not really playing games but talking about games um and i do i'm not afraid to walk into the politics of it sometimes and i'm not afraid to talk about the controversies and stuff uh i just started a new series in which i'm like reading people's terrible reviews user reviews which is like super funny and i don't know it's it for me it's never necessarily about what people want to watch as much as it is about what i want to create and like i try not to listen to people shit the bed if it's still getting my hundred thousand views that's my that's my break off point if the series gets under a hundred

thousand views then all right fine i won't upload it you know i'll stop doing it because i that's dangerous for the channel it's dangerous for the algorithm right right but if i'm getting my usual threshold of a hundred thousand views then i feel like if i'm enjoying it that's what we're gonna do and uh i don't know i try not to worry about it too much you know you know hell i'm lucky to have gotten as far as i have if it ends tomorrow i'm okay with that but i am oh and also i don't know if you guys saw this that would be a calamitous decline but uh but have you guys seen the uh have you guys seen the Schmoyo remix on my channel from this week? No.

No, I went to your Twitter, and I saw you retweeted it, but I haven't watched it yet. It's really good. It's so good. Please, your audience really should go watch it. I want my Mountain Dews. It's a Francis collage. And so me and Michael Gregory and Evan,

I sent them a playlist of Francis' best moments and like the PS4 and the Furby and all the famous videos. And they pulled all of that out of there. And then they have this amazing talent. If you don't watch their series, you don't know their channel, you should get to know it. But they have this amazing ability to find music where there's no music. And he says like, when he approached me, he's like, you know, Francis has such a natural cadence and he has such a natural, his pitch is perfect.

He's like, can I write a song for you? And it's the second time they've remixed me. They remixed me four years ago because of a YouTube, like, freak out or whatever. And, but this is the first time they ever did Francis. And it's easily one of the best. How did they find it? It's, how did they find what? How do they find the video? Oh, I just ended up sending

them a playlist. No, no, no. How do the viewers find the video that's made? Oh, just go to youtube.com slash boogie298 and it's in this week's uploads. And it's called, it's got my big naked fat ass falling into a pool of Mountain Dew as the thumbnail and you're going to love it. It's so good.

And then they also actually have it on their Songify the News series too, which I think is about the best way to consume the news. A lot of time when you're watching remixes on YouTube, because it's so fucking hit or miss where you're trying to find a good funny remix, and you get a minute into one, and you're like, this isn't going to take off. And then almost every time you're like, man is really a funny one you'll look and it was

schmo yo-ho who uploaded it like 90 yeah the gregory brothers and all their music like their secondary channel is i me and my wife have bought more of their songs than i have any record other than weird al any other artists but like they do these like um they do these covers of songs uh like they took wrecking ball and made it a country song and it's like one of my favorite songs i've ever heard in my life like their covers and their and the way they just deconstruct music it's weird alessandro appreciated absolutely i met that man uh a couple years back oh that's cool you have to go to his concert and you listen to one of his albums you go back and like listen to dare to be stupid or something like that and you're like okay okay, he can sing, I guess.

Is he even playing an instrument? I don't know. But if you start delving into what he does and the instruments he plays, you go through his whole catalog, and you see how much like the guys he's trying to sound like he sounds like. I'm like, we should do some original songs once. I'd like to hear one original Weird Al song. That's the thing, and that's what nobody nobody realizes half of his songs are originals but what he when we call it an original

a lot of the times they're what he calls style parodies and so if you go dare to be stupid is not a direct cover or direct parody of a devo it is a uh it's an attempt to replicate their sound in the style of devo and so like what's so fascinating about that is, again, whenever he covers an artist or whenever he tries to parody him, even though he doesn't legally have to, he will contact them and ask them to do it and so on and so forth. But anyway, he sent them that copy of, he sent them a copy of Dare to Be Stupid.

And then the guy from Devo actually said, they said, well, when you heard Weird Al's style parody, what did you think? And he says, it was the most depressing moment of my actually said, they said, well, when you heard Weird Al's style parody, what did you think? And he says, it was the most depressing moment of my life. And they said, why? And he goes, because that's the exact sound we were trying to capture. And I think that's like one of the best moments

for that guy's career. All right, so pull the pen, pull the pen. Pull the pen. The Amish Paradise, all that shit. I really like, I know every word to most of those albums. Unfortunately, there was a period when I was maybe 12 or 13 where I got really into Weird Al, and I just bought every CD there was, and I listened to them repeatedly. I bet your parents loved that.

I mean, I had headphones on. Like, it wasn't blaring. It was just like, Ben Spitt is like a local boy. Kicked me in the butt last week. I just smiled at him, and I turned the other cheek. I really don't care. In fact, I wish him well, because I'll be laughing my head off when he's burning in hell damn you are a true fan yeah oh yeah oh every white to that song literally my wife got me vip tickets to see word owl uh two years back for my birthday and we went

and saw it and she just didn't get it she didn't understand what my obsession was and i kept trying to explain to her that i'm a 14 year old boy trapped in a 42 year old body that's the problem uh but then she saw the concert and she's like oh my god that was incredible i'm like really she goes yeah he has more costume changes than elton john and i'm like yeah yeah he does he really does all right pull the pin i see i'm sure you get this all the time please tell me more about your butt okay so yes i hear that every day uh you know uh you know when we were trying to fill this home for the first time you know we were looking for inexpensive furniture and we were looking for quick furniture so we didn't always check weight limits and stuff and uh so we bought some weaker wooden chairs for

our dining room and um one day i'm sitting on one and we hear a cracking noise and i'm like oh gotta take that chair out of rotation. We pull it out. We look. The brace is broken a little bit. Take it out to the garage. And my friend Victor takes a look at it. It was during a party.

He takes a look at it, and he goes, oh, I can fix this. And then unbeknownst to me, puts it back into rotation, which was not a good thing to do. So one night I'm sitting there sorting magic cards and i push back on the chair and that causes the front leg to push out a little bit which is what caused it to crack to begin with boom down goes the chair and i land on the floor and partially on the chair and that unevenness caused my ass to be bruised in a way you can't imagine uh and a lot of people not right you know well that's that's the very first thing is that the entire ass turned black i did break the skin in one spot area but then my entire ass turned black as night it was incredible the bruises like

you would not believe then i developed a hematoma and yes for those who are laughing right now yes please feel free to laugh i know it's an uncomfortable. Oh, yeah. Oh, please. You don't have to. I love this. Fattest guy is the problem on the planet. Okay. I've fallen a million times. I got real unlucky here. But yes, did I fall four feet and that broke my ass? Yes, that's exactly what happened. Lucky I didn't break a hip or anything else. You guys have to remember my body doesn't produce testosterone and we only inject enough testosterone on a biweekly basis to make sure my muscles still work. He doesn't want to overdo it.

So I don't have the muscular density to survive a fall like that. I'm lucky that I haven't broken bones. I think that instead of apologizing for getting hurt from a two or three feet fall, you should be bragging about how you excel at gravity compared to all these peons. Oh, they're talking about you. Right? Like, you guys fucking suck at gravity. You don't understand my level of mastery.

So the skin. So everything swelled so much that the skin broke in several places. Like a rotten tomato. Right. And I'm bleeding. Hello. I'm bleeding a black ichor it's one of the most fucking terrible moments i don't know what that means a black

ichor like well instead of the blood had gotten there and it was bruised dead blood so instead of bleeding red i'm bleeding blackish like a black sap almost right it's almost like that it's like fucking terrible like an orc so my wife my wife is like we need to go to the emergency room and i'm like here's the thing, honey. I can't sit in a car right now. I can't sit at all. I'm not going to be able to sit for weeks. We're going to have to get an ambulance there.

We're going to have to get an ambulance back. And all they're going to do is tell me it's bruised. What can they possibly do? I've been injured a million times in my life. I've been injured without health insurance before. This is just a waste of a $900 ride there, a $900 ride back. I'm thinking butt massage. That's probably the worst thing he wants. Well, it turns out what they could have done if I'd gotten there in the first 24 hours is they

could have lanced the hematoma that I didn't know was there. But after 24 hours, it had set up. And by the time I did have a doctor look at it, he says, it's just going to have to heal naturally. Otherwise, we're going to have a giant abscess in your body that's going to fill up with blood and pus every 24 hours we're going to have to continuously drain it for weeks and weeks and weeks and your recovery time will probably be longer if we operate um so this is a big deal like it's kind of veered away from funny a little bit but carry carry on. I'll go on there. At one point, we had a kid's basketball-sized hematoma on my ass.

It caused my ass crack. It was above right at the top of the crack of my ass, so the top of the crack of my ass was so swollen, there was no top of the crack of my ass. It was now swollen outwards it was exactly there oh i'd love to see that were there pictures there's tons of pictures i will

i wanted to do progress pics every day just because i can't see it so i have my picture progress or in case this turns bad you got to document this shit right exactly in case i lose my ass literally but gotta sue that chair company or your friend Victor, one or the other. Or both. It wasn't circular. It was kind of oblong. And so it actually extended right down to the side of my anus. So literally everything was painful, and I'll leave it at that.

Every time you shit, you're shitting through like a big bloody bruise thing on your butthole. Was it really like, ah! It's excruciating. Was it excruciating pain? Straight up dull, throbbing pain. I've had sharp pain. Sharp pain is teeth. It was a combination between the lymphedema pain that I deal with every day and

tooth infection pain. Like a combo of those. That's bad too. But in a whole new area. and then what was more important is that because of the lymphedema and everything else i need to get up and i don't want to be the guy on 600 by 600 pound life that never gets out of bed again i'm not going to fucking do that i need to work i need to get in here and run my business so i forced myself even on day three to set up for at least 15 minutes three or four times a day. And holy fuck the pain. Putting 500 pounds on an infected hematoma is not a pleasant experience. Infected hematoma?

It got infected? It ended up getting a little bit infected. Not so much that, but we ended up doing antibiotics. My doctor has a standing script for antibiotics because he knows that I know what I'm doing. And so I contacted him on my medical network where i can send an email to his nurse and the nurse bumped it up to him and he said go ahead and take him and uh you know if it ever got any worse we were eventually going to have to take that ambulance right well at the end of the first week i was ready to try to stream again so i was in here for like 30 minutes

trying to lean forward like this to not let my butt touch the seat. It was so fucking bad. But it slowly healed. Now it's about 25% of its original size, and it's real damned uncomfortable. But I'm just so used to paint. I don't even – whatever. I want to talk about the testosterone now. Hold on. There is an important part of that story that I want to talk about.

So the viewers have been listening for me a while this is going to be the only weight talk we're going to talk about it's going to be super quick okay uh a lot of people over the last three or four years have been expecting me to lose weight at at this you know very fast speed and you know what i've lost next to nothing i gained a bunch of weight and i lost it again and that's where i'm at pretty much where i was five years ago. Um, but the entire goal of this was to try to find medications that helped try to get my diabetes under control, try to get my heart pressure under control, try to get my hormones under control so that I could eventually qualify for bariatric surgery or God forbid, maybe get into a gym one day where I can build muscle,

at least get me to where I can walk better. Like that's one of the big primary goals, but the ideal was to get me to a point where I would qualify for bariatric surgery. So back, um, just before this fall, I spoke with my weight loss doctor and my weight loss doctor is like, no. So I told you you needed to be right around four 90 to lose the weight to get surgery. And I'm like, yes, it goes, well, I've talked and I've talked with our bariatric surgeon and he actually wants you to closer to four 20 and 420. That's 100 more hounds. How am I going to fucking do that? I'm barely losing.

With this appetite suppressant and these diabetes medications, and I'm throwing up all the time, how am I supposed to fucking lose weight? I can't even keep food down now. How much more can I cut back? His answer is, well, it doesn't matter because you have to do it. We have to figure it out. He wants me to do this OptiFast where i drink like three diet shakes in a day and then i like eat a sensible meal for dinner and i'm like i can't but i have to do like weekly

group therapy and sit around a bunch of fucking idiots complaining about their shit and i don't want that would be so helpful oh that would be so helpful like like i i'm thinking about like i'm putting myself on your diet plan in my brain right now, and I'm thinking, man, that's hard to stick to. You really need a support. Before you even said it, I was like, I would need a support system. I'd need some other guys who are also starving

themselves to share my stories with. Drove past Burger King. I could smell the flame-broiled Whoppers, because you can smell a Burger King, and I bet to a big guy, it's like aphrodisiac. And I was like, I smelled it, and I thought about you, Jason. I thought about what you said last week about how you drove past five guys, and I drove myself home and had another shake. That would help me, the support group.

And it would give you competition because you'd be like, I'm not going to be the first one to break. We did go to one of their meetings, in that meeting the nurse that was running it was like a 42 year old woman she wasn't even very pretty uh but there was a guy in the front row okay donald trump oh yeah there was this guy she was like a four right but i'm gonna say like 42 and she wasn't like hot or anything it wasn't like she's a fucking model she was just a normal average person and this guy kept sexually harassing her right in front of his wife. His wife was right next to her. She's like, well, big girl like you, I'll eat

whatever you want to, baby. And I'm like, oh, I want to fucking leave. I don't want to be here. That sounds so uncomfortable. I was like, I'm never going to do this program. Fuck this program. But anyway, I made a video about it, and the fat people hate guys just fucking zeroed in on me. They're like, oh, you're going to die fat.

I can't wait until your wife's mourning you. And, of course, that doesn't make it any easier. That's really mean-spirited. Yeah. That doesn't make it any fucking easier. It's bad news. So then I fall, and I end up going to the surgeon, and the surgeon happens to share a facility with a weight-loss surgeon.

And so that surgeon's like look i won't touch your hematoma the recovery time for surgery would be a lot longer than the natural healing rate of the rate you're currently healing so you're going to have to do this for another two or three months but it would be even longer after surgery and surgery could make it infected and get even get even worse i'm like okay and he goes have you talked to my partner and i'm like nope and he's like well why don't you talk to one of our girls today? Because you would qualify for our surgery. And I'm like, well, I don't think you looked at my medical charts, sir.

I still weigh more than 100 pounds, about 100 pounds what you guys want me to weigh. And he goes, no, no, no. He's willing to take a risk for a high-profile client like you, I think. And I'm like, really? Well, there you go. Second opinion. Is it because you're a superstar on the internet? It's in part.

He said that over the last year, he has become increasingly comfortable performing surgery on people of larger size. And ideally, he wants a BMI of 65, which is a huge fucking BMI, by the way. But I'm even higher. Could you explain the surgery? Because I'm not familiar with bariatric. Is that what you said? Yeah, bariatric surgery. Bariatric generally means the health of morbidly obese people.

And so bariatric surgery, there's three different types they do in America. The first is one that's just fallen completely out of plan. It's some sort of like fucking valve system. I forget exactly what they call it. The bands, the stupid bands, which turns out is a terrible technology. Don't let a surgeon do that to you.

Most surgeons won't do it anymore. Secondly is the reshaping the stomach into the shape of a sleeve. And then the other one is the bypass, where they basically cut out the majority of the stomach, make it benign and it doesn't really do anything anymore, and then you bypass it by connecting the intestines to this new smaller stomach. And the one that I am going for, which has the highest success rate, is the one in which they basically remove the majority of the stomach and push it off to the side. And then I,

I obviously will have the new, and the reason that surgery works so well is because there's a nice, there's not, there's this kind of little, little brain on top of your stomach, um, that does a lot of, uh, food thinking for you. And, uh, it, it, it hands, hands, real satiation and things along that lines well by shrinking that new stomach and keeping that connected to it um it doesn't give a shit about that old stomach anymore and it gives a shit about the new little stomach and that new little stomach is easy easier satiated and uh it sends the the the signals to the brain quicker uh after a lifetime of overeating i have a stomach probably the size of three of your guys stomachs it changes though

really quickly you know like. Like, I think it shrinks back down, because, like, I've had, like, bullshit eating competitions, like, with friends and stuff before, and I would use water to, like, drink, like, a gallon of water as fast as I could, and that's not very fast if you're drinking a whole gallon. It works the other way, too,

because after the surgery, I have about a six-month window to get my shit together, and if I fuck it up, i can easily gain the weight back yeah can you stretch your stomach out back to no it naturally it naturally will they want you to to do that but you have that six month period where you have a pea-sized stomach and then it will continue to go grow bigger and bigger and bigger and at the end of six months or so if you're following the diet to tell you to follow you're probably going to have a stomach it's a little around about half the size of a normal size stomach by the end of that first year you're going the diet to tell you to follow, you're probably going to have a stomach that's a little around about half the size of a normal-sized stomach.

By the end of that first year, you're going to have a normal stomach. But normal is a big improvement compared to where you are now. But normal is a huge improvement to what I'm doing. I think what we need, like the surgery that I would want so that I could just eat endlessly, and I don't know how you make this happen in the real world, but I don't want a stomach. I want like I swallow something, and it just goes right into the intestines, right? Just straight out the back, and I want no nutritional input from my mouth. I would love that.

Like, I would no longer eat my nutrients, calories, any of that. There would be another way to get that into me. Now, I'm not quite sure what that is. You know, maybe, like, there's a port. You know, maybe there's a port now, and you fucking just inject me with like half a liter of some goo that's like a protein-rich nutrient compound. Yeah, but then you have to let somebody install a port on you. You definitely don't want that.

If I can eat whatever – all right, so here are the benefits right now, okay? So you're probably thinking like, oh, you'd go through all of that just so you can eat whatever you want anytime milkshakes all day and just you're shitting vanilla milkshakes all day like that's awful like who would want that but the thing is the guy that's injecting you just isn't just injecting you with food he's giving you the perfectly balanced meal like what a human being should be on it's like when you put your dog on like some sort of super protein compound you're describing the good dog food. You're describing soy. They're one of our sponsors.

It's one of our sponsors. As a matter of fact, they don't recommend you inject it through a port. They want you in the fire. Soy is an amazing product. I know some people have lost a lot of weight just doing just soy instead of any of these stupid shake diets or whatever. I know people have lost weight doing it kept it off you know but anyway i tried the cookout shake

diet didn't work at all no what do you like what one of the bigger problems that i face is the fact that i get literally every calorie out of every food i eat someone with a normal digestive system may not but i will get literally every calorie out of every food i eat because i have a larger stomach so i do a lot better job processing food of every food I eat because I have a larger stomach, so I do a lot better job of processing food, and after years of overeating, I have a larger small intestine, so that means it spins. Is it long? Is that true? Yep. That's cool. Okay, so now here's some science that actually explains a little. I can wrap my head around why a bigger person might have a harder time losing weight. You're telling me that, like I saw on Sesame Street one time, that my large and small intestine is like really long, right?

Like 25 feet, 50 feet or something like that. It's upsettingly long. Way too long. You're saying that, and so my food has to travel, let's just call it 30 feet. Somebody Google it, for God's sake. It's got to travel 30 feet, and I'm absorbing nutrients through that 30 feet, but yours might be traveling 40 feet, and so you're getting more calories out of the same Twinkie you think your body. And so, okay. So let me, before I say anything, uh, I'm going to talk

about the reasons it's difficult for me to lose weight. I am not going to make these excuses. These are not fucking excuses. It is still a matter of matter of calories in and calories out. And I still have to do the fucking exercise and the fucking work. And no matter what you hear from me right now, this is not an excuse for you to pick this up and go, well, you know what? I have a longer test. Instead of her, I can't lose weight. I'm going to stay fat. Fuck that and fuck you get off your ass and do the fucking work. And same for me. And I, that's, I keep that in mind every day, but these are the reasons. These are the extra factors I faced. Obviously, the testosterone, I can't build muscle. And I know you want to pull that pin, and we will. Then I have the metabolic system. I have a very shitty metabolic system after years

and years of obesity, and after years and years of setting on my ass, and after years and years of overeating. You have the satiation problem, the fact that you guys can eat a normal amount of food and feel satisfied, and that won't even make me feel not hungry. Then you're dealing with the fact that I am diabetic and diabetes. Because I'm diabetic and because I'm insulin resistant, I have to increase the amount of insulin in my body. A lot of the medications makes it more difficult to lose weight, and being insulin resistant itself makes it more difficult to lose weight because the process that burns the fat simply just won't perform. And these are some of the issues that I face. But it's still, I mean, at the end of the day, if I starved myself and I tried to get more exercise,

eventually it would come off just very, very slowly. Unfortunately for me, I'm at a point where I don't really have that like room anymore. And so a lot of people are like surgery is the cheap way out, the easy way out. You still have to diet. You still have to exercise with surgery. And you have to do it just as well. And you have to do it for the rest of your life. And if not, you put the weight back on.

This is giving my system a jump start and a new chance. And the window is closing for me. I could be dead in three to five years if I don't take the shot. I feel like sometimes people who are successful with their weight undercut, that it might be easier for them. And what's opened my eyes to this recently is my mother-in-law's with us. And Boogie, you might not know this,

but my mother-in-law's very sick. And- It's already good though. Yeah, she's super duper sick. And she's battling anorexia right now. And we put food in front of her meal after meal. It's not abnormal at all for her. Like two or three lunches and two or three dinners prepared in hopes that one of them will spark an interest.

Because food to her is just not like it's something that she has to force herself to do in an effort to try to get better. And I see that and it's like, oh man, the attractiveness of food, the way that it varies between people has so much to do with how much of it you eat. But people don't see that sometimes. They just think like, oh, here's a high discipline person and here's a low discipline person. And it's not always as nice as that. Right. And then a lot of people don't consider mental health as a problem and so it i'm going to talk about some of you guys i've never talked about i very rarely

ever talk about i mentioned on the stream a couple times but uh people who've experienced the kind of abuse that i i've had the mental stuff and the physical stuff and the other stuff which i don't really even like to put a name to um uh one of the classic things that those people will do is eat themselves to damn near death. And if you look at a particular period in time in my life, the timeline when I really started putting on weight, it happens to coincide with a very traumatic thing that a female family member did to me at a very young age. And oops, you know, we never considered the mental health aspects of it as well. You know, it's always about excuses and not doing the work and not putting in the work. but that's what these support groups are

designed to help you understand and these support groups are help there to help you learn um and i've been in plenty of them and over readers anonymous and stuff like that we've talked to people that are in that i have waitlist groups and and and on facebook and stuff like that the story is old as time the patterns are there and and you know the people who aren't educated on that aren't going to be educated on it the people that don't want to be educated on it will refuse and that's okay that's fine but that all it all plays into it plays into the ship you know but i'm just glad to still be alive i mean there's still no excuses there's still no excuses to look the way i look and i get that i understand i still got to do the work and i'm okay with that all right just a quick

note for people looking at the screen messed up kyle dropped off usually comes back real quick so i'm not gonna because he wants to hear all about this testosterone good stuff he's been in lots of things on his google maps yeah i i like the the silent way he's like don't miss that it's a nice non-interruptive way that's good that's something we're gonna keep the human body the human body's fascinating isn't it though it is just everything about it like the fact that i could survive like this you know i We're going to keep the human body. The human body is fascinating, isn't it, though? It is just everything about it. Like the fact that I could survive like this. You know, I know what I look like naked.

Jesus Christ, man. The fact that my body could survive this and the fact that there's medications out there. Medical science is incredible because to be honest with you, we're not for a CPAP machine. I'd have been dead at 30. I was if I didn't start using my CPAP machine. Oh, you guys have CPAP. And BPAP. Yeah. Can we do CPAP talk for just a second?

Oh, sure. Man, that'll be riveting stuff for your listeners. I won't even get it. I hear where you're coming from. Basically, I use a breathing machine because the problem I have, I don't know what yours is, Woody, but the problem I have is I'm heavy enough to where my breathing airways kind of get shut down a little bit when I relax. And so what happens is I have a condition called sleep apnea because my airways relax so much and the weight and everything else pushes down to closest airways. My body can't

breathe very well. So I struggle the whole time I'm trying to sleep is actually not restful. And in fact, sometimes I will have up to, I think, 25 interruptions of sleep in an hour when they did my sleep study. I will just lay there and stop breathing and hold my breath for as long as my body will let me in the hopes that I can get eight seconds or maybe 30 seconds of restful sleep and then wake back up gasping for air with a resting heart rate of 120 beats a minute. You know, just trying to sleep. So let me ask you this because uh i also have sleep apnea and i don't mean to brag but i'm kind of a big deal in the hell you are how many times per uh hour hour do you wake up um i think during my sleep study that said 2025 episodes 2025 episodes aren't you adorable how How are you? 67.

Woo! Yeah, 67. That's more than one a minute, Woody. It is. I asked him, I'm like, did I break a record? And they said no, but I was like, I competed for it. And they have me on a BPAP machine, which is like a little more hardcore than a CPAP that pushes in as well right that kind of helps breathe in

mine only helps me breathe in yours also helps you breathe out I think like a little bit of suction to get the air back out so I have I don't know if sleep apnea talk is interesting but there's two kinds of sleep apnea one is obstructive sleep apnea talk is interesting, but there's two kinds of sleep apnea. One is obstructive sleep apnea, which Boogie's already described, where kind of your airway will close sometimes.

The other is involuntary maybe, I forget. But where even if your airway is opened through like a CPAP machine, your brain just doesn't tell you to breathe all the time. It just takes a break. And I have both. tell you to breathe all the time. It just takes a break. And, um, and I have both. So sometimes it's because my, in my case, I guess my airway weakened. It's a thing that happens with age that my snoring got worse. Um, and then I also have, I guess you'd call it a brain disorder of some sort where, where I just don't breathe automatically like you're supposed to. So, uh, that sounds horrible. I hope I don't have to get one of those machines. I

already have enough trouble sleeping. I can't imagine trying to sleep with straps on your face in a certain position. Like that sounds awful, dude. I took a nap today, uh, with the BPAP machine. It's the first time I used it like at home. And, um, I, I look, I don't, I kind of want to give an honest review and I hate people who do reviews on products they've owned for an hour. But out of the gate, it seems like magic. It seems like, oh, my God, my breathing is great. I'm not snoring. I'm so quiet.

My wife caught me napping and came up and hugged me. She said I sounded like a church mouse. Yeah. And it's more restful people on bpaps and cpap machines typically need less sleep than people who just sleep naturally because we have mechanically assisted super sleep so um yeah if i were to use it i could be one of those people who only sleeps for like five hours a night maybe yeah you would ascend to a god you should be so on point with

everything all day but that was like the first time i wait ever caught up with me was when i was suffering with a sleep apnea so i would i would i would i did not realize that this is why i was an insomniac in my 20s but i would just refuse to sleep for three or four days at a time and then i would eventually crash i was like a fucking meth addict and uh uh you know one day i'm sitting there watching or watching something on my computer and i take my pulse because i notice i'm like sweating a little bit and i'm like something's wrong and i check my pulse and i counted at 130 beats a minute and i'm like that ain't normal uh but then i also realize that i'm missing every 10th beat and that's

definitely not right so i immediately go into the emergency room, which was a terrible decision back then because the amount of money this cost me, you can't even imagine, uninsured. But I walk in there, and they're like, well, you have both tachycardia and arrhythmia right now. Tachycardia meaning your resting heart rate is off the chain, and arrhythmia meaning you're missing beats. So you have to be hospitalized immediately because you're about to have a heart attack. I And like, oh my God. So I stay in the hospital for a week as they try to regulate things. And I'm staying in a hospital bed. So I'm sleeping, setting up, which forces my airway to naturally open up. So it starts to correct itself. They send me back home at the end of that week. And guess what? Right back into it, right back into heart attack territory. I go

back in for a week. They regulate me. I go into it right back into heart attack territory i go back in for a week they regulate me i go back home back into heart attack territory i go back in i'm in for another week and at the end of that week my brother who has a doctor in health science uh asks for my medical charts and they send them to him uh with my permission and he's like well why aren't you treating a sleep apnea and this is back when they weren't treating sleep apnea ever and so this is like you're talking 96 seven i don't know like 12 years ago actually god i guess it wouldn't be that long anyway um uh the uh uh the doctor goes his what that's what my brother said his brother my brother the doctor is uh treating his what hmm so they looked into it and they were able to contact the air the breathing people out there

who did the oxygen and stuff. They did have a CPAP machine. They brought it in and it was night and day. I came into that hospital in a wheelchair and I walked out. I was able to walk out there. They also scooted me out in a wheelchair. So I'm not hoping I'm going to walk again, but there's a whole bunch of symptoms that come with not sleeping well. It can give you low T. It gives you more hunger. It gives you low energy. A whole bunch of things that I'm hoping to –

Like you get depressed. Like you just not get enough sleep. Like throws a wrench into literally everything. Because it's like everything that your body needs to do needs energy. And sleep is the way you get that energy in a lot of the way. like you can't just eat your way through an all-nighter and be like all these pills like this adderall keep me going like yeah maybe you'll get it for like that day as you take your exam but like no that's not that's not happening in real life it's when your body heals on yourself maybe i wouldn't be sick for as long as i've been sick if i didn't wake up

once a minute you know like yes so um I'm real hopeful it's gonna I if it's anything like me or the 20 or 30 other people I've talked to the usual one it's night and it's gonna be night and day if I have my numbers right moderate sleep apnea starts at waking up like 20 times an hour and severe starts at 30 and again I'm at 67 I talked to my dad about this because I was you know i had your numbers right you were at like 67 or whatever now i was like and my new and my dad has a c-pap and i was asking i was like because he we never talked about this but he's like oh yeah you make that appointment and you got to go do that sleep study and that lady's documenting while i sleep in that room and

and uh and his was like upper 50s or something like that like his was a bunch too and uh and uh we were talking about how his he's got the the c-pap how do they i don't know how they differ but his is a mask that's forced onto his face and there's this constant air pressure um does how does it work though i'm curious because like like because what i'm wondering is like when you exhale where does that air go like how is it circulating air the whole time like like with scuba when you got a thing on it's you're you're blowing the bubbles out the regulator every time you exhale how does the way the way my CPAP machine does is it creates a pressurized system um so that pushes my nasal cavity and my airways open by pressurizing right like so blowing it like

a balloon well right pretty much that. And then the air can pass through in and out of that. And my machine is smart enough to know when I'm inhaling and when I'm exhaling. So it raises the pressure when I inhale and lowers the pressure when I exhale. A BiPAP is different than that. It will actually create a little suction to help you get some of that air out. It's my understanding of it. I could be wrong.

It'll kick off a breath if you fail to. So it'll be like, oh, you know what? It's been like 12 seconds since Kyle breathed. I'm going to tell him to. And that's how a BPAP differs from a CPAP. I think his has some sort of program in it based on his sleep study. So the pressure goes up throughout the night is the way he described it. Yeah, mine has a ramp-up time, too.

It's 20 minutes. Yeah, I can't't do the rev up time because I'll end up falling asleep ahead of time and then I get a huge headache he was talking about this thing he's like he's like something you know it's high pressure on your face and it's like strapped on he says he has been asleep and like getting the right position so that like the air could escape like around on his cheek and he's like he goes like vibrate to your face by here he's like so you wake up I ended up moving to a nasal only a nasal encapsulated capsule thing so it has way less fizzing issues because my weird

looking face you know is a big fat as it is then a facial hair makes it even worse so I ended up doing the nasal only the problem is if I lay on my side sometimes my mouth is ah and it's just blasting air out of my mouth is it like a strap it's like a little round or two pillows oh it's like a small one right so instead of covering the mouth and nose it just covers the nose and but if i'm ever i'd normally sleep on my stomach like this which is one of the reasons i have back trouble but i sleep on my stomach like this which keeps my mouth shut and it's just the most blissful sleep in the world. All right, I got to get to the testosterone. Unless you covered that while I –

No, we didn't. I waited for you. So as a bit of a preamble for that, Woody and I are always talking about performance-enhancing drugs because we watch a lot of sports that – every sport has that as a big part of them, I guess, now. But we see that, and we see these results that the fighters that we like have. And even fighters going into their 40s and stuff, and you see these guys, you know, 37 to 43, who still have the body and the vitality of, like, an early 20-year-old guy. And it's interesting to see. And so Woody's been looking at what's called TRT.

I'm sure you know, but, you know, it's testosterone replacement therapy. Basically, they—I hope I'm not getting this wrong— they test your blood, but it's testosterone replacement therapy. Basically, they... I hope I'm not getting this wrong. They test your blood, see what your testosterone level actually is, and then they raise it up to where they think it should be for you. Or even better than should be.

Where it could be. Could be. Where it used to be. At like a 22 level. I'm not trying to get the testosterone of a 44-year-old man. I probably have that. Fuck that. I want to be 22. Exactly.

It sounds like you're on it as very medically. I look at it myself as a 30-year-old man as something virtually recreational. Of course, under a doctor's regiment, I'd never start ordering fucking D-ball off the internet and shooting up in my ass or anything. But if there's a clinic I can go to where a medical professional will test my blood and be like, hey, you could stand a little

more. It certainly wouldn't hurt anything. And you'd just be more of a man because that's literally what it is. Everybody's a little bit afraid to say that it's going to make you more of a man because you want to think, oh, I'm all the man I need to be, God damn it. But it is literally, literally making you more of a man than you were before by its very nature. It doesn't matter if you're the fucking beefy, fucking Burt Reynolds. You give him some fucking tea, he's more of a man than he was before. He's more Burt Reynolds than ever before.

I love how Burt's the guy you chose. I would be in recreation. That would be cool to be on it. It would make me work out. I've always spent money on supplements as a way to force myself to work out. It's not that I believe the horse shit on the back of the bottle unless it's protein or creatine. It's that I spent $120 on that shit I gotta like and I'm eating it and forcing it down my throat like

Let's go fucking work out for an hour a day Do you have to or it might be things thing anyway if you're on T testosterone you might be skipping to the gym Right you could kill yourself on Tuesday and be a% on Wednesday. Right? Exactly. You know, like... My legs take eight days to recover from, like, a hard, like, leg workout. It's so bad that it's like, God, I don't even want to do it again. I don't want to go back

because, like, I'm not 100% for, like, a week after. And that only gets worse as you get older, by the way. Just so you know. It gets fucking terrible. So I may have told this story the last time I was on the show, so I'll try to make it brief.

Fast forward. But I'm complaining about not being able to lose weight on Twitter. Which is pretty much like 98% of my tweets. And somebody says, Hey, Boogie, I'm 500 pounds too, and I had a lot of trouble losing weight. And of course, I was expecting biggest loser loser numbers and I'm certainly not get them, getting them. And so I eventually went to my doctor and he, of all the things he tested, he also tested for my testosterone levels.

And it turned out my testosterone levels were a little bit low, uh, because of how big I was. He upped my testosterone levels and now I'm in the gym three days a week. And I'm like, that's incredible. The last time I went to the gym I injured my back I didn't go back because of it and that was just from swimming kids that was me getting out of the pool and just gravity crushing my spine and you know

and I'm like alright well I don't want to ever fucking do that again I'm super curious about that were you climbing out the wall were there steps a ladder I was climbing up the stairs just the stupid stairs think about it Think about what gravity is doing to his body in that moment, though. He's going from being somewhat buoyant

to that buoyancy is leaving, and so the weight is being applied to his body in a really weird stack. He's getting heavier from top to bottom by some freak of nature, because there's water and he's walking out of it. So that makes sense.

It puts a lot of pressure on the middle of your back somewhere, I bet. You should have gotten out faster. Yeah, you should have crawled out. I also slipped a little bit, and I think that was the other issue. Oh, okay. But anyway, so long story short, I was artisting at Dr. Prilly regularly there. This was back when I was on disability. Well, no, that was well after disability, actually, because it was with my wife.

I injured my back. But anyway, I talked to the doctor, and I was still going to that clinic, though, the same clinic. I was a paying patient at the clinic that used to see me when I was on disability because they do a cut-rate thing for people of need. And they're like, when you get out of that, if you want to continue to use this doctor you can and you can be a paying patient and then you can help supplement everybody else that you know needs to help and i'm like absolutely let's fucking do that so i didn't want to change doctors um but he ends up uh he does the blood test and he's like all right you have no testosterone and i'm like really it's like yeah you're supposed to have this number and i think my number was 30 which is like unheard of because testosterone could go up into the thousands right and so um i i'm like i'm like well so what's what do we need to do because we need to get testosterone into you

immediately because your muscles currently can't repair steven and i'm like okay yeah but i don't it's not like i'm really working out he goes no steven your heart is a muscle and I'm like, okay, yeah, but I don't, it's not like I'm really working out. He goes, no, Steven, your heart is a muscle. And I'm like, oh shit. Yeah. Okay. Let's start injecting me right now. Right. And so it's a long arduous process to get access to it because there's so much abuse. Right. And it was a huge pain in the ass to finally get it. But I finally get it. And, uh, I, I'm starting to take it. And, and that doctor eventually says to me, it's like, I don't feel comfortable doing this. We need to send you to an endocrinologist. I'm starting to take it, and that doctor eventually says to me, it's like, I don't feel comfortable doing this. We need to send you an endocrinologist. I'm afraid that the fucking FDA or someone's going to come down on me because I'm not supposed to be prescribing testosterone. An endocrinologist is who you need to go to.

So he refers to me to one, and during the very first meeting, the endocrinologist comes in and he goes, I'm excited to meet you. And I'm like, oh, I'm excited to meet you too. And he's like, I'm like, did you know I do YouTube or something? He goes, well, no, it's just I've never seen anybody with your case. And I'm like oh i'm excited to meet you too and he's like uh i'm like you know i do youtube or something you know he goes well no it's just i've never seen anybody with your case and i'm like oh really and he goes um so you're a hermaphrodite correct and i said what what show me that big pussy you have both sexual organs correct and i And I said, no, sir. And so he looks at my wife and he goes,

is that correct? Like you're lying and she's going to spill the beans back to your butt. He's got a pussy. Yeah, he's got a pussy. And she goes, no, no, he only has a penis and testicles. Are they normal? And she goes, no, they're perfectly normal. And he goes, oh, do I have the wrong file?

Because you're Stephen Williams, correct? I'm like, yes, sir. And he goes, is this your birth date? Yes, sir. Okay. Well, sir, can you hop up on the table and remove your pants? He checked. He checked to make sure

that I didn't have a vagina no one knew about. How shocked would you have been if he was like, oh yeah, right here. I'm surprised you never noticed it before. You just thought you had a sweaty ass. You just really are easily arousable. He actually explored my anus because

apparently that is a place your vagina can be. Your vagina should be connected to your anus. There that is a place your vagina can be your vagina right oh my god there's actually a story if you google that there's a story about a reddit who discovered that he had a vagina when he was in his butthole anyway so um he explained to me the reason he believed that is because my hormones are just completely fucked and going the wrong way and um so basically i've produced, oh, hi, Sammy. Do you want to be here while I tell the story? Okay.

But he explained to me that I had so much estrogen in my body that it was confusing markers. So he did a full body exam, and he discovered that I had female breasts, basically. My nipples are not female but i have a tremendous amount of breast tissue thank peter griffin off that family guy episode um so so much so that i had to go in and get a mammogram to make sure to see how much of it was female breast tissue and to make sure that i had no problems in there um and that's but so there

are some issues with the uh that he so he said basically based on what he could tell, I had never produced enough testosterone from a childhood age because that's what explains all the breast tissue and everything else. And that I've been producing a tremendous amount of estrogen because of the fat, and fat produces estrogen. So my body is just terribly confused. And that's one of the reasons I've put on so much weight. One of the reasons is've put on so much weight. One of the reasons activity has been so difficult. So he is not comfortable giving me enough testosterone to really perform. Uh, he doesn't want it to be performing enhancing cause he can get in trouble for doing that. And he also doesn't even want to get me to a Midland level. He wants to keep me at the bare minimum, minimum, um, because of the fact that it can lead to colon cancer.

It can lead to an enlarged prostate. It can lead to all kinds of different issues. So his opinion is, as an endocrinologist, the minimal amount is ideal. So this is where it leads to when you watch these biggest loser type shows where people lose a tremendous amount of weight. A lot of people don't realize is that they steroid the shit out of those people. They jack those people up. They inject them with everything they can get their hands on. Every supplement

every medical thing, every advantage How can I get on the biggest loser? Because I want to be jacked Someone treat me like a steer Your story is making me think that Kyle and I couldn't just go out on a lark and get TRT just because Woody's doing it

Is that probably true? No, you couldn't, but they are super lark and get trt just because woody's doing it is that probably true not his endocrinologist no you couldn't but they are super easy to get it under the table i bet i had it all oh no no on the table like there's plenty of clinics who will say they're doing one thing but they're like dr dude in in la hooking you up with a marijuana uh prescription you know like oh why do you what's your ailment bro feeling blue? You know like I Guarantee I guarantee like there's there's there's some where to get those fucking steroids under a doctor supervision They would give them to me. I'm almost so I believe it so much I almost want to go do it just to make it happen, and I want them anyway right well very tempted

I go to be the only one on the show not yelling and getting over I'm not going to be the only one on the show not yelling and getting furious over non-issues. That's a myth, by the way. But I will tell you at some point, here's what's not a myth. When you're 42 and you can't piss Kyle, you're going to regret it. When you're 42 and...

I already had mine removed. I'm way ahead of the stage. No, that would cause you not to get erections. That was preemptive. I got the pump, though. Oh, it's incredible. I want one. Have you seen those pumps where you got like a button on your testicles?

Dude, I saw a guy on a talk show with one, like one of the morning talk shows. Oh, yeah, we talked about it. He loved it so much. He's like, everybody needs one just as a backup system. Yeah, imagine if there was like no mental thing to getting an erection at all. Like, it was literally, like, turning on, like, flipping a switch, because that's what it is. They just go down there, and they push a button that's, like, in their scrotum, in their sack. Like, and it's a little pump.

And they pump up their fucking cock. And then when they're done, they deflate it. And I would imagine that, like, if you wanted to look better in like your underwear you could and just go right just give yourself a brilliant idea right yourself pump and a half and that's where you stay oh so you get yourself up to like 16 and just walk around there and you know you know some guy out there because we've seen those guys who inject their muscles to make them look fucking freaky. Some guy pumped that motherfucker one too many times and BAM! Yeah.

That's like a different kind of body dysmorphia of like anorexia are those guys who inject the synthol into their arms and when they get to the point of where it's like they didn't even take the time to synthol. Like their synthol budget wasn't big enough for any other muscles.

They had to pick one muscle group, and that is bicep, tricep, and that's it. And so they have like normal man shoulders, not broad, and then just these bowling balls packed under goofy-looking rubbery skin. And they look at it in their interviews like they're impressing people. I love that stuff. You don't realize that everyone is looking at you like, that person is mentally ill. They've handicapped themselves with big

breast implants in their arms with no functionality, basically. You just got really jiggly arms. They're not even firm muscles. Everybody sees right away. You gotta wear a really fucking tight sweater to make that look presentable. If you Google synth, I'm gonna show you the whole thing. It's hard to look presentable. Those synthol. If you Google synthol, I'm going to show you the whole

It's hard to look at sometimes. Sometimes, but the first image is exactly what Taylor's talking about. This guy doesn't have much of a chest. There's traps or whatever. He did his traps, his buys and tries, left the pecs completely alone,

and his forearms look like mine. It looks like his he's coming out of it looks like his head's coming out of foreskin there like he's got there it's like anyone's old enough to have seen Popeye it's it's those kind of muscles like silly oh god oh god I just clicked on someone who whose muscle erupted exploded yeah I've seen that oh god oh god go down that dark hole of YouTube and find it. Like, after that video will be, like, some guy getting his arm camorried out of socket,

and then the video after that is, like, a fucking gas explosion in a kitchen. Like, you can go down that rabbit hole of scary shit on the Internet. That is gross to me, and I've seen me naked. So that gives you my frame of reference. Just real quick on the screen is the kind of nose thing that I wear to sleep in case anyone wants to picture me sleeping. And I mean that when I say that. Like a lot of the apparati, if you will, look super lame.

Let's be honest. I always go back to that moment in The Sopranos where Tony sees Uncle Junior's, and he's like, how many migs you shoot down with that thing? Because it looks pretty lame. That looks cool and futuristic, and you could get laid. You could take that off and get some pussy. I can see that happening, and I'm sure that was in your head. You're like, there's no way that I'm going to be in bed.

And look over and be like, hey hey how you feeling tonight like you're really like bane over there with a big man jim norton posted a picture of himself now um i guess to keep your mouth closed i'm not sure what the deal is but he has a chin strap and he has like a big thing it covers i think his nose and his mouth with a chin strap and this and that and and uh it it's hard to be sexy wearing that one. Yeah. Have you seen his new special? No. I wanted to talk about that a bit.

So last night I watched three Netflix comedy specials. I watched both Dave Chappelle's back-to-back. Excellent. And then I watched Jim Norton's. I laughed more at Jim Norton than I did at either of Dave Chappelle's things, I think. Definitely more than his second one. I watched them back to back. One of them is in maybe... He did two. Two specials

in different cities. Completely different jokes. Completely different audiences. Completely different nights. He put two fucking brand new specials on Netflix. Ba-da-da. They're just out there. They're very good. Everybody loves Dave Chappelle. He talks about... on Netflix. They're just out there. I don't see that much. They're very, very good.

Everybody loves Dave Chappelle. I don't know if you know, but he got booed off the stage a couple years ago or something in maybe Jersey. I guess everybody does not. Probably Philly. It might have been. He starts explaining that night. With a bracelet fled to Africa.

He explained that night. He's like, now they said on the news that I was drunk and got booed off stage i was not drunk i was high and i was i was booed but i did not leave the stage he's like it's gonna be a long bomb i knew it he's like i had been smoking some reefer with some rappers and their weed is a lot stronger than what i was used to he's like i took two puffs and I was like I'm gonna bomb tonight nigga this is gonna be bad he's like and then I heard like in slow motion and now Dave Chappelle and he just explains this he tells this whole story of bombing stoned as fuck on the stage and it being a news story being super embarrassing he tells the story

about being extorted when somebody had a video cassette of him fucking a chick, and they mail it to him with a letter that says gotcha! And he's like, he's like, oh, I was terrified. So I masturbated real quick, and then I called the FBI. It's like, oh my god. Like, he jerked off to the tape before he called the FBI.

Like, all of the, both specials, they're really fucking good. The Jim Norton one, that was, like, I've watched all Jim Norton specials before. And I've always maintained, like, yeah, his stand-up's fine. I saw him live, and it was hilarious. But stand-up's so much easier to enjoy live. But, like, I've always been, like, he shines the most on radio. Because he's so fucking quick.

He's so on point with every little joke. He's always got a quip. Like, he's the best in the business at that. That's why I was glad he messed with the audience a little bit. Yeah, and he messed with them a little bit, but this is his best special. This is his best special far and away. It's not even close compared to his other ones.

I was laughing more at this one than probably every previous one combined. This one is better than Bill Burr's most recent one, which if you had told me six months ago, hey, you're going to like the Jim Norton one more than the Bill Burr one, I would have been like, yeah, probably not. You're high. If you told me that Dave Chappelle was going to put

out a special and I'd like Jim Norton's more, I'd think the same. So in order, I would say that I like... They're called one and two or something. They're like episodes, but believe me, this is not like... These are two legitimate hour-long specials.

Because there's two, you might think, is this some kind of Key and Peele bullshit? He even took a shot at Key and Peele. He's like, I had to watch Key and Peele do my show for years. They're very funny. And the audiences are very different. One of them, I think it might have been in San Francisco or somewhere like that. It seemed like a real liberal, diverse crowd.

And then the other one's in Austin, Texas, with a completely white crowd. He's dressed differently in both of them. The funniest part, and this is not a spoiler of any kind. I don't want to spoil his jokes because the first time you hear him, they're the best. He's like, anybody got a cigarette in the audience? He's doing one of those

things where he's standing on a runway type thing where they're surrounding him on three sides. He's like, anybody got a cigarette? People throw in cigarettes on the stage. They kind of rain down he's like picks one up marlboro menthol i don't know about that the newport and uh and then he sort of does a little sleight of hand and he's got a joint he's got a joint and he's fucking toking that joint and just kind of be a little discreet about it while he fucking gets and he smokes the whole joint and you just see him like get higher and higher and his eyelids getting heavy and he's gets and he smokes the whole joint and you see him like get higher

and higher and his eyelids getting heavy and he's this guy he's sitting there and this is like yeah he's getting baked right now in the middle of this special and he's not missing a beat um California though and so like I think there's like laws where it's like oh you can still smoke indoors if it has to do with the production or it has to do with something that like you're currently doing or putting on a show and so if you're in a play you can smoke a real cigarette inside like yeah yeah maybe because and weed is legal in california now so maybe that was just private residence like like yeah i don't i i think the way that the law is right now and definitely during the recording of his special would would have been that like he couldn't smoke that where he was and i don't quite remember if he smoked that joint in austin

or in galley um because he was real discreet about it and it was i i caught it but like he didn't make light of it and like it wasn't a bit there was one point where he's talking about oj and he's like i probably didn't do it he like you know he's clearly like like knows oj fucking killed the guy he tells four stories about meeting OJ he met him four different occasions and they were like different I will definitely watch those later

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They're fixing all those old shitty underwear. That sounded racist. Have you... Oh, I don't know. You know the existing old shitty people? We're getting those out, and... No, not the old shitty people. They're bringing in new businesses.

I don't know what you said, gentrifying. New businesses, new money. But the underwear... Have you tried to put on regular... I tried to wear regular boxers where it was like you know those those shitty um shitty bands on boxers where it's not really that tight and they're loose so you have no control and they have that zip that fly that's not doesn't have a button it's just you've fallen out all over the place you have to like do little like

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Right now, Texture is offering our listeners here a 14-day free trial when you go to texture.com slash pka. That's 14 for free uh when you go to texture.com slash pka very cool neat check it out stay informed do you want to talk about any politics oh well three now so okay let's throw it out there now politics talk hey before we get into politics let me go ahead and say by the way there was huge miscommunication by your audience that thought, one night somebody asked me if I wanted to be on PKA again. And I was like, yeah, of course. I don't know.

The last time we were on there, those guys were pretty Trumpy, and now seems like a bad time to be going back on there. Because I didn't know, like right after that election, I was getting bombarded, bombarded by centipedes who were like, oh, you're going to die now, you fat fuck. You're just going to take away your health care. I can't wait until you're fucking dead, you fat shit. Why should I pay for your health insurance? It's like, I don't want to go fucking talk to people right now.

And it's nothing personal. It was nothing personal. It's just I thought more people from your audience would think oh, here's another fat cuck. What in the, you know, so much. I feel like you're trying to steal my mantle with the fat cuck thing. That position

is taken. When I'm on this show, I'm the fat cuck. But yeah, like I was, that's the only thing I was trying to say. But then like the people who saw that, I didn't even form the sentence completely. It was a stream playing a game, trying to entertain 2,000 people. And streaming is very different from normal me. So to the audience out there, it's nothing against these boys.

It's just the timing. And now that we're past the point where we're all like, I think we're all beginning to settle in with Trump as president, and we're figuring out how it's going to work and we're we're beginning to feel maybe a little more towards the middle than we were necessarily at the beginning oh it's a fucking shit show man oh there's russian ties and money moving around and trump doesn't have a person on his campaign that doesn't have a russian pen pal every there's smoke everywhere it's clouding the room we can't see the fire though but there's

a bright light somewhere because the top story on reddit right now is the evidence is more than circumstantial but then he doesn't go on beyond that so i don't know what that's oh man and you got he wouldn't lie publican today this republican who's like a vice chair of the fucking investigation into this shit is going to trump first like like with his information rather than his other vice chair from the Democratic side. Then you've got him doing a news conference. Then you've got the Democratic vice chair doing his own news conference calling that guy a cunt.

Then they're both on Jake Tapper's show and Tapper's like, this is a little messed up. It is a problem though when the investigation guy is working with Trump. He went to him and told him this. It's not like he went back channels. It seems to me like he went back channels, right? It seems to me like he wanted a little publicity for himself.

Everybody's who's part of this whole, like, all right, so Trump is a big draw. Everybody's here for Trump. But if you can be part of the Trump show, man, your name gets elevated. And this point in history, both sides have reason to want their names to be elevated. The Democratic Party doesn't have a fucking leader. They don't have one unless Barack Obama gets tired of vacationing. And I hope he doesn't because, man, he deserves one.

But you don't have one. The Republicans... It's bad news if Obama stays the leader because it's just soaking up the spotlight for whoever could be the next person. It's starting to look like maybe this whole healthcare plan is Paul Ryan's baby. Much more than it is Trump's, especially now. So Paul Ryan could really get a lot of negatives over the next few years.

Maybe he's not looking as good for the presidential race. I don't know. Maybe this vice chair is like trying to – he got a press conference today on a major Trump-type issue. Millions of people know his face and his name that didn't before. I felt like it was that. It felt more self-serving than trump serving i i it's hard to even keep track of throughout the day where it's like you'll see something where it's like uh like just on like a tweet where it's like oh actually it comes out that they were spying on trump and his people and then they're like but it was incidental

and then people are like but that means that it was totally legal and then they're like but it was incidental and then people are like but that means that it was totally legal and then other people no it doesn't because it got leaked and it's like already in like six tweets i've read from these news organizations that are always jumbled because it's from like it's like i don't even know where to begin to look into these so the thing is this trump said it pretty clearly and it's in writing he said obama wiretapped the trump towers and then sad or something like that and that's not what happened and it's interesting to me that it's been that big of a deal because in my mind trump has been telling whoppers for two years now but he hasn't accused a president of a of a fucking crime i hear you and you're totally right well

i don't know if he hasn't but i know this one anyway got a lot of traction. Not one like that. And now that he is the president, everything he says carries that weight to it. So when a president calls a president a criminal, it's, whoa, whoa, we need to look into this. To me, Trump's been telling whoppers for years now, and he's always been getting away with it. Heck, he's been winning with it, right? The fucking birther thing got him on the scene as a major player in politics. And he lied his way. You know, know i'm gonna get you this health care we're gonna keep all the good stuff

get rid of all the bad stuff and bad hombres and whatever and every time he said something that you'd think would trip up a politician he was immune to it he just doubled down and and i'm looking at it as a guy who sometimes gets in hot water himself like as a learning opportunity like oh yeah don't apologize just fucking double down you know those mexicans did i say rapists i meant rapists and murderers and whatever you know and you know what though like like on that mexican this is the first time doubling down has been hurting him right he doubles down on the wiretap thing and they're like, oh my God, he's still going. He perpetuated the story. They're still talking about it.

He sits there and says it is true because he has, he's doubled down. He doesn't back off of it. He says, you're going to see, oh, the British did it, right? Obama contacted the British people to do that. Like, I swear in the last two years, that kind of crazy shit just worked for him.

Now it seems to be hurting him and i'm gonna keep watching you know which is as a as a person who you know obviously here's the thing i mean we're just gonna identify it i i lean left you know yeah i think we know that about me i you know people are like well why do you want free health care and free education well you don't need i can afford my own health care and i don't need an education i have one so i just wanted that for you guys like that's i just wanted for the people who needed it that's all i gave a shit about you know i wanted you the viewer right now listener right now to have it and you're not going to under trump that's fine that's why i leaned left during that election but as uh trump

took over i just thought man surely like this is hopeful. This can work, right? How much worse than Bush could he be, right? Like, he can't be that bad. But I thought the very first step for that had to be you have to stop this technique of, you know, bullshitting and lying and getting your news from Fox News. You literally have the CIA who's going to deliver you a report every morning. Just listen to that. They are the ones who determine what Fox News gets to know listen to that they they are the ones who determine what fox news gets to know you know they're the ones who leaks to fox news just listen to the

source and i thought for sure i thought he was playing like 4d chess right like i thought this whole time he was just bullshitting that he didn't believe the things he was saying he was manipulating everybody and everything and now he's in there and he's just kind of this is nothing's changed and that's a real shame because it has to we don't know that for sure there's still not so so here's what i think i turned on wolf blitzer today and all i fucking saw the whole time was what happened today with this vice chair stepping up and all these other bullshit investigations which will go nowhere it doesn't matter what they find. It really doesn't. There's not any impeachable offenses in it. There's no crime.

Nobody's talking about Russia, though. Nobody's talking about Russia. Like, for the first 30 or 40 minutes, nobody mentioned, like, the Russian stuff at all. Even if he... There's a case to be made that maybe he is crazy, and he believes kooky stuff. He's an old man who reads right-wing news sites

and believes it as the gospel i didn't understand what he was saying he's throwing out some what kyle's saying is that because he's talking about obama and the wiretapping it's a smokescreen to cover the russia stuff and i didn't follow it first maybe everyone else did i don't know yeah i because i don't know why else he says crazy stuff he's he's being crazy we all know that he's being crazy the question is why it's it and the answer is either he is crazy or he's trying to conceal something else you know it's one or the other so either donald trump is a bit kooky and he's that old man who like i said reads these right wing news sites and believes

them as the gospel and and what i always say you got to look at every fucking thing and find the commonalities between what the left believe in the right believe in that and the truth is probably right there in the middle somewhere a little bit but but but if you just believe anything breitbart believes over like you know that he's the president honestly he's also he's got to move over from twitter to at least fucking instagram or something where he gets more than 140 characters. I'm not joking. I'm saying like, think about how much hot water he's like the whole Obama wiretapping thing.

Clearly he doesn't think that Obama went in and actually like was soldering his phone. I hate that argument. That is the biggest bullshit, right? Like everyone says, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You put on a hard hat. Go on. I've heard it on the news for weeks. Okay, when you say that, yeah, you hear it in the news because that's what they report it as, and that's what he tweeted.

And if he had, in fucking Instagram instead of Twitter, he would have said, the Obama administration did fucking this, that, and the other thing. And it's absolutely reprehensible. I can't believe it's happening to me. Sad. Or, like, whatever he would do. Like, it would, he needs to lay off the twitter like everyone's are you making helpful are you making the claim that he would be a better president if we just showed him what twit longer is is that weird oh my god if we got someone on the inside to show him

twit longer we might turn this country around yeah we like that that might be the salt but in all seriousness like the tweeting thing i think it helped him a lot more in the race than it is now because now it seems just like what you were saying. Like a lot of the stuff he throws out there, you do have to wonder like, all right, is this just flack trying to muddy the water to make other things more difficult to uncover? Or is this more hokum nonsense that we've seen all election cycle of people being like, this is a huge story. Oh, no, it's not. It's actually nothing. Oh, no, actually, no. Maybe look no further than the results. Just look at the results of what he's done.

That is the end result of what he's done with these ridiculous, preposterous things he's put on Twitter and some of the more outlandish things. You know, not shaking Angela Merkel's hand. Like, little shit like that. Whenever he fucking shits the bed for the world to see, she asked him, and the reporters were like, handshake? Handshake? Because that's

historically what happens. It's happened every fucking time. And I know that everybody wants to be like, he shook her hand when she showed up, and he shook her hand at the press conference. How many times does he have to shake it? He has to shake it at least three fucking times, because there are three photo ops of handshaking. Three. That's how many times he has to shake her hand. She doesn shake it at least three fucking times because there are three photo ops of hand shaking.

Three. That's how many times he has to shake her hand. She doesn't have leprosy. She's just a German. It's not as bad. Right. I feel like when Kyle says, hey, look at the results, what I'm seeing is a president who is being shit on every day, every single day. And he's losing friends.

His approval rating is now lower than obama's ever was throughout his eight years right and that's hurting him because he's trying to sell a health care plan now and everyone in the house of reps and everyone in the senate is able to give him the middle finger and say what you think you could fucking stop me from getting elected all i have to do is go to my people and tell them i stood up against you because your approval rating is 38 that it's not quite true though because he's not just running on the approval rating. A lot of those people just ran or were saying that like, hey, we're going to repeal and replace Obamacare. And for a lot of their constituents, these Republican constituents, that is important

and remains important to them. They want it repealed and replaced with something that they like. So these guys are in a sticky situation. If they give a shitty health care plan, if they vote on that, then they might not be thought of too highly. But if they don't do anything, if they sit on their hands, their constituents might not look fondly upon that. A lot of their constituents are going to be curious at it. You're right, but I was paraphrasing when someone said he was going to tell his constituents. I was listening to a guy in the House of Representatives. I wish I could remember his name. But he's like, yeah, you know, I serve at the pressure, whatever.

But all I have to do is go home and tell these guys that I'm standing up for them against Trump. Those sound like the words of somebody who's afraid about winning their next race. I don't know. I've given a lot of thought to it. Trust me. I bet they all give thought to it constantly. Speaking of 4-D chess, sometimes I wonder if the Democrats knew what they were doing better than you realize. Because if you think about it, okay, so originally I think it was – I don't believe the Democrats know a fucking thing.

If the Democrats were doing anything, they would put fucking Bernie Sanders in charge of the party right now. He's the most popular politician in America. But that's neither here nor there. If they wanted to get any clout again, they would tie themselves to that guy. Sure, many people hate him, but a hell of a lot more people love him and a hell of a lot more people love him than chelsea fucking clinton or whatever else they're going to try to put up there or whatever i got a better seat here or there but the question is i want to hear what boogie's the question is would would you really want to have won the selection as a democrat knowing that

the pendulum swings from left to right and left to right, and knowing that you just had eight years and you got to do some stuff that you wanted to do in that eight years, a lot more than Bush got to do in his eight. And you got to nail in some stuff like Obamacare, which was not what they originally wanted. They wanted, originally Obama and the Democrats wanted a single payer system. They realized that wasn't going to work. It was Mitt Romney's plan that became Obamacare, the bastardized version of that plan. Whatever, it doesn't matter. Now you have this Obamacare system, which is beginning to fail, you know, and the insurance companies are making damn sure it's failing. A lot of people won't ever point that out for some reason. I think it's because they spent a lot of money on that network television, but it's the

insurance companies that are making sure this system fails. That said, would you really want to try to take over right now? Because you're not going to get single-payer through, and you're not going to be – Obamacare is going to have to be walked back a little bit, and that's going to make you very unpopular. Let the Republicans do it. Let the Republicans put their hand in that behind. I got a response to that. Okay. They did want to win because it's bigger than an eight-year thing.

It's a generational thing when we're talking about the Supreme Court. I think Bush got two Supreme Court nominees. You're right. Of course. Now I realize I'm wrong. Trump is in position until three. Trump is potentially going to get three. Bush got two. Obama got two. Trump could be more influential than any president

in a very long time. And this guy who's up now, this Gorsuch guy, I hope I got his name right. Gorsuch. Gorsuch, thanks. He's 50 years old. And personally, I think he sold me. I watched his- I like him. I like him too.

And maybe that's a bad sign. It's not always a good thing when this guy is selling you. I don't know. I feel like I might be swindled by his personality I liked him too I watched very little of it I think to say the Democrats didn't want this is giving them

even more credit than saying that Trump has been playing 4D chess all this time Trump has been bumbling through and he's lucky but I will say that it is interesting that the Republicans now have that sticky fucking ball of tar in their hands, right? That's how I felt. I want to jump in.

That's how I felt when Barack took over. I was like, oh, my God, this is the roughest time to be president in my lifetime. We are dealing with the Great Recession. There hasn't been an economy as bad as Barack walked into since the 1920s, right? It was almost 100 years and i like whoever like the the country has never been as fucked as it is right now we're in two wars um they took wars and combined them with tax cuts that's a new thing too right so you talk about plunging the economy i'm sorry the deficit into unknown heights. All you gotta do is start off a couple of wars, and the way

we wage war is so goddamn expensive. We fire $65,000 missiles like they're bullets. And Obama walks into this thing, and he has to fix this mess that W left over. Now, Trump to me has the opposite problem.

Trump takes over a country where the stock market has just doubled, the unemployment rate is at like 4.5%, it's like there's nowhere to go but down. If it does go down, I think it'll only be partially his fault. It's going up. I predict that regardless of what Trump does, not regardless, but I think that the economy and American business is going to benefit from the trump presidency socially we may yeah we may not benefit there there may be some

stuff that he does that where it's bad you know and we regress in some in some regards but as far as the economy goes and as far as like i don't know how else you measure the success of the country's business maybe gdp or something but like that will go up. I think that he's so pro business with cutting these regulations and cutting these regulatory systems out from, cutting their feet out from under them. He puts people in, the EPA guy, he hates EPA. So that guy's probably going to make it a little bit cheaper for DuPont to make their paint or whatever. I do not doubt for a second that if you are a ceo your life is going to be better four years from now as it is today i worry about your average listener of the show

i worry about your average human on the street our listeners are very successful you know but but all right but i'm just saying like if you're just an average show or even if you're upper middle class i don't suspect it's going to be too terribly great i will tell you that i'm going to save quite a bit in taxes under the trump plan and i'm going to get to keep my health care according to the new uh health care plan so it doesn't really bother me much yeah i'm not on a mom i'm doing pretty good doctor yeah i'm doing pretty good well i did use the health care i did use the the healthcare exchange to get my healthcare but

as it turns out they are not subsidizing me because of our income we're actually subsidizing them so we're kicking money into the system I think if not we're breaking even I mean it's all profit for them we have some plan that they've convinced us is very good I don't know it doesn't seem that but they're like ooh your grandfather

did this one you've got a good plan you don't know what doesn't seem that, but they're like, ooh, your grandfather did this one. You've got a good plan. You can't get it anymore. And I'm like, oh, I guess we'll keep it. I don't know. Our plan is incredible. We went with just because, you know, I mean, it's like DDP once told me, Diamond Dallas Page, the wrestler, you know, back when we were talking about this stuff. He's like, boogie-eyed, you spend the money now where you're alive and you can spend it at your funeral, your call.

But you need to work, spend your money to make yourself healthier and so when i came to buy health care i was like whatever the best plan is in arkansas that's the plan we're getting so you tell me what the best plan is and for the two of us me and my wife would pay 750 a month i think there's a premium raise this year so i think it's 798 it's closer to 800 now but we pay 800 a month for the two of us but the deductible is a thousand there's like no lifetime caps it's like a 10 copay after that original thousand and so it's just like it's great now there's a lot of stuff it doesn't cover like any of the weight loss stuff which i think is the dumbest thing for them not to cover uh but all the weight loss stuff we have to pay for out of pocket so do they like consider it cosmetic or something right right and so i I like the weight loss labs can run me like four figures, you know.

So that sucks, but it has to get done, and it has to get done every three months, you know, to stay alive. But at the end of the day, you know, we can afford our own health care. But that plan, we will get to keep presumably under this new plan, and I hope that that's the case. Because if it is, it's fucking baller. It's like congressional insurance is incredible so good um yeah i i will see where the trump thing goes i i i think that if the republicans push this uh the obamacare light after spending so long making

their like hill they die on we're gonna repeal it we're gonna repeal it we're gonna repeal it and then if they get in and they finally have all the abilities that they need to really work for it and they don't like i think they're they could lose the senate in 2018 because like keep in mind like throughout obama's tenure those eight years the democrats lost more seats locally uh state governments the governorships uh they lost overwhelmingly overwhelmingly and all of them went republican obviously because it's just pretty much two parties and then fucking bernie sanders up there with the eye next to his name and if those people don't do what they've been promising for half a decade now like i just can't imagine that people

are going to be like oh you know next time i'm sure they're not lying this time like i don't know like they're just gonna lose it eventually people are going to be like, oh, you know, next time, I'm sure they're not lying this time. Like, I don't know. Like, they're just going to lose it eventually. People are going to go, no, you're not. You're fucking lying. Like, at the very least, I'm not going to go vote for you. What I'm reading is that it won't get through the House, probably. I hope not.

And if it gets through the Senate, it won't get through the Senate, definitely. Like, that's what I'm seeing. Right. But I don't know. And the way Trump is handling it, I really really hate where he's like basically defying the republicans to vote against it where it's like dude you idiot like do you not realize you are acting in a way that all those republicans that did eventually cave in and support you they hate this idea they all wanted to repeal it except for fucking ryan i guess like it's just not and to put your own party in a position where they have to go either f the president or f all my constituents who really

banked on me repealing this and working my hardest for it like it just it looks so bad i think ryan would want to repeal it too um oh i'm sure he would like this is his baby i phrased that badly the for people who don't know i know that we do the uh the deal is this i think they need 60 votes to have a filibuster proof majority in the senate and there are certain laws that you can pass under reconciliation procedures that only require 51 votes right a majority and they have the 51 votes but the thing is they can't have a lot of the, like, it has to be a budget bill. So there are a lot of things they'd love to change about Obamacare, like selling insurance across state lines is a big one they talk about a lot. There's a lot of things they'd like to

change that aren't just a budget bill that they can't. That's why they have that silly three-stage plan. Now, the three stages are never going to happen because they would need the Democrats on board to do it. But what they can do is this this and it's basically cut taxes for the rich and cut benefits for the poor that's what they can get done under a budget reconciliation bill and it has to be that puts the democrats into a negotiating position because you cost 20 million people their health care under this new plan and in that process like all right alright, well shit, we're willing to work with phase two because we don't want 20 million people to fucking die. The 20 million people

thing isn't entirely honest because that's including all the people who were forced into buying healthcare who otherwise would not have a lot of young people who, had there not been a government mandate and a penalty, they would just say, you know what, because that's basically what it was. It was forcing young people to pay higher premiums

because they know young people aren't going to use the doctors and so they're going to pay way more into the system than otherwise, which is why they needed a mandate to get young people who wouldn't use the doctor's office that much to buy the insurance. And then they used that to subsidize people with pre-existing conditions or whatever. What if I said this? What if I said, hey, this is driver's insurance, right?

And young people are going to buy it because they crash their cars all the time. But once you hit like 30, 40 years old, you're a good driver. And a lot of those guys just roll around with no insurance whatsoever. Now, if things do go wrong, everybody's fucked. I hit your car. I can't fix it for you. You're just out of luck. I drive around uninsured all the time. I don't actually. And, you know, whatever. I just depend on other people to bail me out if this goes wrong you'll have to pay for the accident i caused that's the health insurance plan we had before obamacare and and people on this show heard me say before i wish this mandate was pitched as

a personal responsibility date you know like you need to buy your own insurance that be in a private market of everybody can go choose to buy their own? Because part of the reason that healthcare was skyrocketing in cost so much is because of over-regulation of saying, hey, you can't compete across state lines. But you're wrong. It's in a private market. I don't go through Obamacare. I go and buy my own insurance. It's a private market. Yeah, no, no. I'm saying, why can't we just do that?

And then we have Medicare for people who are low. Well, a lot of these regulations are done to protect people. Like increased competition will drive price down. I hear you. And you're not wrong, right? Obviously, that's a good point. That's how EpiPen got so hot. The thing about...

Well, that's patent infringement. The thing about state lines, right? So there used to be a thing, this is before Obamacare, where there were lifetime caps. And they'd say, all right, Kyle, you pay into this so long as you're healthy.

You're healthy, you're healthy. Every year you pay a thousand bucks a month. We love you. And then you get really sick. Okay, well, now that you've got cancer, you're fired as a customer. You're out of here. You know, and they might just fire you because you hit a lifetime cap. They might drum up some pre-existing condition like, oh, we noticed you had bacne.

I invented that. Don't judge him. But bacne is an indicator that this guy may have had cancer before he got it. So, hey, BACNI, pre-existing condition, we're not covering your cancer. These are real things. I'm not making that up. That's a real thing that happened to people. They'd get

booted off their insurance for either drummed up pre-existing conditions or they were just too expensive so they fired them as a customer, which isn't fair. The contract is i pay you when you're healthy you pay me when we're sick that's how insurance goes you can't just say i pay you when you're healthy and if you get sick you're fired well if we have competition across state lines every insurance company goes to the state that allows you to fuck the customer the most

and that's what happens with banks they're all in delaware or charlotte right those are the two places banks have their headquarters that's's assuming that they can only operate in one state, though. Like saying Aetna, whatever, whatever health insurance company, they wouldn't just say, it's most profitable in Wisconsin. We're Wisconsin.

They'd say, we're based in Wisconsin. We follow Wisconsin rules and everyone in the country can buy it. That's what selling across state lines means. What it is now is New Jersey and Missouri and whoever will set up protections and say, if you want to do business here, these are the rules that you have to follow.

Obviously, that's complicated. Let's say a shitty company goes, we can fuck them the most in Ohio. Eventually, someone's going to go, hey, you know what? We can offer a way better product if we base ourselves out of Delaware and we're going to blow these fuckers out of the water. The challenge I have with that, and you're right, you're not wrong, right? You know, like, hey, we follow the Delaware rules. Those are the gold standards. So, you know, our insurance is good.

Maybe. The thing is, like I compare it to mortgages, very few people really know what they're signing, right? Kyle's done a mortgage. I don't think Taylor has. But, you know, they're like 24 pages. And it's easy to say, read your contract, right? But I feel like I'm a pretty smart guy. I've read a lot of stuff over the years. These contracts baffle me.

And, you know, I think that means they baffle a lot of people. Yeah, I'll be honest with you. When we signed our mortgage, I didn't even read it. Really? I got the general consensus from talking to my banker about it, talking about the loan provider, and talking about, all right, so let's talk about it. Just answer my questions. And then I skimmed the thing, and I just wanted to have the house so bad, it could have said I had to give my firstborn child. I wouldn't have fucking known. Yeah, and there's complicated concepts like points and interest rates and effective interest rates and and they may have fees that are built into it and those fees are actually just kind of bullshit and they're

effectively they're like points that you didn't know were points but they don't lower the interest rate and people don't know how these things work and I would argue that health insurance is at least as complicated as a mortgage and people every day sign mortgages that they don't understand. So the notion that, oh, just know what you're buying, well, that's tricky. And that's where competition across state lines is risky. It's tricky if it's not advertised.

Look at how car insurance works, right? I can quote the fucking car insurance ads and what each one does and can give you. Like, oh, they got the Allstate Advantage, eh? That's safe driver discount. Huh? Okay, I know how that works. Just advertise healthcare the same way, right? I don't understand why. There would be a good company and there'd be like

there would be an AT&T and a Verizon and then there'd be a T-Mobile. There'd be a track phone guy. There'd be those bargain-bent places where it's just like minimum. Hang on, let me finish. With car insurance, you've got like oh we're like amigo car insurance it's bottom of the barrel cheapest thing you can get it's it their their slogan is usually we get you legal for less like that's literally their slogan there will be health insurance like that too but for the rest

of us under you know some sort of free market kind of across state lines thing you would imagine that there'd be a premier place you're like where'd you get your health care oh i got mine from fucking all state they're the best right like yeah i got that no cold discount it's been three years but the problem the problem with that though is that the way that you make health insurance cheaper is by providing less benefits and that's when you know if you don't make it illegal to create lifetime caps then they're going to, you know, if you don't make it illegal to create lifetime caps, then they're going to put in lifetime caps. If you don't make it illegal for you to put in pre-existing conditions

or any other reasons that they can keep you from paying out, like they will do that. And so the problem is when you get shitty car insurance, right, and you get state minimal car insurance, okay, then great. You hit somebody. You're not able to afford to fix their Bentley. Someone's out the price of a Bentley, or maybe you get sued, and you spend the rest of your life paying off that Bentley.

But if you get fucking cancer at 26, which does happen, and you hit a lifetime cap, and your lifetime cap is $10,000, right? But I'm saying even then uh arkansas has a minimal liability amount and the minimal drive without fucking liability insurance there's a minimum there's a there's a maximum payout and so the minimum in arkansas is 25 000 uh the most you you uh the lowest tier insurance you can get is 25 000 and another 15 000 for medical 15 000 medical 25 000 for property or maybe it's the other way around but i think it's the lowest tier insurance you can get is $25,000 and another $15,000 for medical. $15,000 medical, $25,000 for property, or maybe it's the other way around. But I think it's $25,000, $15,000 in Arkansas.

It might be $25,000, $25,000. So if I had a $30,000 car, I'm still going to owe a balance of $5,000. But if I had a $70,000 car, I'm fucked because I have the bare minimum insurance. It's the same situation with health care. If you get the bare minimum health care and then you ever actually get sick, you get cancer at 26, which does happen. I'm not saying that the bare minimum is going to keep you alive. Right, but the difference is you don't just owe money. This is why it's immoral to do that, in my opinion.

It's not that you just owe money, which anybody can cope by paying an extra $100 a month if they have to eventually pay off that Bentley, right? But if that's even an expensive car, I don't know cars very well, but if you get cancer and they just don't treat you, you die at 26. And that's not, that's not moral, man. I don't think there's more. And the worst part about it is, and I'll tell you, and I've talked about this before, and I love to say it to your audience too, because I know a good chunk of your audience is conservative. I wish we could join the other 40 countries in the world that have just solved this problem, treated it as a human right, and just provide health care for these citizens. Maybe if they would pay for their own military, we could afford to.

The problem is, on top of that, not only, number one, this country still can't afford it. And number two, I don't trust this country to fucking do that. I can only imagine how we would gut gut it in every possible way to make it as cheap as possible at the end of the day i genuinely think it might be worse than the worst case scenario lower tier you're talking about i think i think i can only imagine what the republicans would do to him i wish that his whole health insurance thing was pitched as personal responsibility i think it's wrong you're right i think you're right people in this call pay 250 for a pack of gauze because a hundred other people get it for free. And, and you know, when

you get ibuprofen in the emergency room, they charge you, I'm making up numbers, but you know, a hundred dollars for it. And that's because these emergency rooms have to keep the lights on. And a lot of people that come in there get a lot of care and pay nothing. This individual mandate to me is a personal responsibility mandate, just like they do on driving insurance. They mandate that you have insurance on your, you know, your car or your liability for other people.

Because if you didn't do that, all the people around would you get fucked if you make a mistake. I heard an insurance thing advertised on the radio the other day, and it was a Christians only insurance thing. And swing that. Well, all right it was a Christians-only insurance thing. How do you swing that? Well, all right, so here's the thing. You've got to come to church and tithe. Part of their thing was that they would never make you pay for something that you don't believe in.

You don't cover acts of God. No. Hey, you pray for that cancer. If God wants you to live it, go away. It's Christian insurance. That's how it works. Pray. Pray hard.

We'll pray with you. That's part of it. No, but I was thinking like, man, so why would I pay into an insurance program that provides birth control? Why would I? Because I'll never see the benefits. It's almost like how much of my taxes are going to education i don't i don't have any fucking kids like why am i paying to send those little snot nose fuckers to school i don't i'm not buying benefits are indirect right of

course they are it's better for society i want to chip in and do my good part make america great again but but what but but i think that maybe that christian insurance program might be cheaper than some of the others because they don't pay for things that I'm not going to need anyway, regardless of how I might feel about that. That intrigued me a little bit. I wonder who's more expensive. I feel like women have more stuff that go wrong with them. Think of a leprosy. Oh, it's not even close.

What about the insurance? What about that? I didn't hear your words. It's men's only. Is it just men? Is it cheaper to insure men than women, do you think? Yes. Because if that was true, it's much cheaper.

I don't know. Taylor, do you know? It is. Okay. Yeah, it is. Boys, are we on the verge of a real new business? Oh, my God. I'm investing.

I'm doing this. Yes. Nothing else. Oh, no. We could call it Mandade. Oh. Oh. Yeah. I think Woody has it right, though. I think it really is.

The Republicans had framed this as personal responsibility mandate. I think it would have nailed it. And here's the thing. That's one of the biggest things that I like. The people like to hate on me all the time, especially because of my weight. They're like, I don't see why I have to pay my fucking premiums to take care of your fucking health care. Dude, that's not how it works. Number one, I bet you ain't paying nothing.

I bet you don't have insurance based on what you're saying. Secondly, I pay more in insurance plus medical bills in a year than you probably are earning right now, dude. And so I'm supplementing you right now. I'm supplementing you. When you go to the emergency room, the next time you get drunk and kick a fucking jukebox and break your foot, the next time you go in and then don't pay those people, my medical bills that I'm paying on a monthly right now, that's paying for that. And my insurance premiums that I'm paying $800 a month for, that's fucking paying for that, dude. I'm paying for you. It's not the other way around.

It doesn't hurt me at all when I read that because it's just the opposite of the reality. It's a silly notion to fuss at a very wealthy person and ask why you pay for them. That's not how it works. Is it time for a new topic or do you want more politics? I think Kyle might be ready to hit someone with a couple of somethings. Oh, ads. I don't know. We were like almost right on the three-hour point.

I thought I would seamlessly move over to it, and I fucked it up, I guess. Yeah, you really stuttered it out there. I was like, what the fuck is he doing with this? Well, he wanted me to talk about ZipRecruiter. Are you hiring? Do you know where to post your job to find the best candidates? Posting your job in one place just isn't enough

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If you mail things, you need to be working with stamps.com. Absolutely. You to the post office again if you mail things you need to be working with stance.com absolutely you're living in the past if you're not i have two topics errand um do we get a choice yes that was the idea uh or you could choose neither that's a third choice but you need to come up with your own so i have um ratings comparisons across seven animated shows and my paramotor plans for this weekend are they funny animated shows or are these like yeah like comedy shows oh i'm interested in that okay um here's a url for you guys i'm going to share it with the audience too and um i thought it was interesting now i do want to say if people look at this i can't tell exactly which one's bob burgers and which one's black dynamite

now that i look at it i think bob's burgers might be the higher super dark one absolutely it is okay yeah all right well thank you i don't know you know what black dynamite is that's your first cue yeah me neither so i didn't know know Bosberger was eight seasons long or seven seasons long. They've got the Cleveland show on there. That's why it tricked me. Dude, so look at this. My favorite ones are the worst rated ones. Like Rick and Morty is probably my top pick in this thing.

It's the yellow one in the bottom left corner. Right? Yeah, don't think of it as a poorly rated show. Think of it as a niche show. A little known shining gem that's only had two seasons and is not on a major network well i'm looking at these the major network is a really good point i'm looking at these other ones like uh family guy that launched at the top american dad launched at the top um i also like archer a lot archer and rick and morty are probably my two favorite on

this list and they're two of the lowest ranked it's because yeah it's all because of where they're airing. Look at that Cleveland show. That was on Fox, right? Of course, even though it sucks ass. I've only maybe seen one episode of Cleveland show, but there's no way it's half as good as Rick and Morty. I'm almost positive that the way they rolled out the Cleveland show was

the family guy would come on and then Cleveland show would come on. You've already got your audience that already knows these characters folding right into it. It's not even fair. It's like every year on the Super Bowl, you know on the Super Bowl every year, they'll be like, up next after the Super Bowl,

the newest vampire show for all ages. And it's like some guy spinning and like a logo at the bottom, like arms crossed, and he looks kind of like hardcore looking at you. and they are just trying their hardest to bamboozle enough drunk people to leave their tv on that they can go oh excellent first week excellent and play it off like that but yeah like boogie do you watch any of these oh i love uh rick and morty man it's my favorite show i think it. Probably in my top ten shows of all time.

Archer, I loved. Once they stopped running ISIS, which I know why they obviously can't. But once they stopped running ISIS, it stopped being as funny to me, but I still powered through it. Definitely Bob's Burgers is probably my next favorite on that show by a lot. Bob's Burgers is pretty funny. They do, they do a lot of filler episodes, which you don't really get into, but I think it's great.

Dude. Um, my family have shown more. Have I said on the show how much my family thinks I'm like Bob? Yes. Oh, wow. Yeah. Well, I like Bob as a character. The multi-tool.

When I got into remote controlled airplanes. Oh my God. They just kept playing that episode again and again and again where he got into remote controlled helicopters and yeah you don't want to be too cool dad that guy h john benjamin or john h benjamin whoever does archer and bob from bob's burgers voice has the best gig in all of voice acting because it's not like every other voice actor it seems like they'll do a real interview and then they'll like change their voice even like a modicum a little bit to get to that character he is exactly who he is you know like he doesn't

change even a tiny little bit of his voice i think that's hilarious like he he doesn't have to change a bit and he's excellent at it he's he's great he is not at all what you think he looks like for the first time you see h john benjamin you're like that's archer that short little bald guy's archer no that's i'm gonna choose not to believe that if you scroll down you can see black dynamite like it has the season that hasn't split apart does that picture help you know the show at all it doesn't help me no i still have no idea no i have no black dynamite is like like was that yeah no no i'm no he's like now do i not know it but fuck

that yeah i would watch black dynamite it sounds like blaxploitation it sounds like a cartoon about i i'm just guessing but but like he looks like uh maybe a a karate fighting cop who don't take no nonsense. I guarantee that's what that show's about. That's Black Dynamite. It's black exploitation. It's been done a thousand times. Speaking of the voice of Archer, did anybody here ever see an old show called

Frisky Dingo that was on Cartoon Network long before Archer was a thing? That is the funniest fucking show. That show was way too short. I fucking loved every second of it. It always was like those 10 minute episodes that you did on Adult Swim 2 so it's like not long enough. But a lot of it's on YouTube

I'm sure too. You really should watch it. It's some of the funniest shit I've ever seen. I still quote parts of that show to this day. Nobody knows what I'm talking about either. It's too obscure. Black Dynamite, this animated series based on the 2009 film of the same name,

features the exploits of the titular character a 1970s renaissance man with a kung fu grip who doesn't always think before making decisions. His sidekick Bullhorn is the brains behind Black Dynamite's hard-hitting style. That's what it is. Who watches this? was that as blind

to guess as you made it out to be like you really you just went off the name in the picture of course well i mean it's just it's been done before like like like if you go back to those like 1970s films that were all blaxploitation like like um the pam greer movies and like like it's always said it i was like he might be right like that now blaxploitation isn't a word that I know. It's like a genre of film where your main character would be a black guy who's like a cop, who's like a kung fu fighter. There's a movie called Black Dynamite, I think. We're like, we passed blaxploitation, and we're in like femsploitation now, where they're like, what do we do? Well, women like

watching things with women in it probably so i don't know just make all the ghostbusters ladies they'll love it and then when women are like actually we uh we liked the original movie we didn't mind that they had dicks you know this isn't we like dicks they're like oh well missed it again like like no i don't know know. All those movies where they just replace characters with someone with a different skin color or different genitals, it's just weird. It's like you know you're pandering,

and everybody watching it knows you're pandering a little bit, and you still don't feel uncomfortable about it. And the problem isn't even that they're pandering necessarily. It's that they get so fucking combative about it, right? Like the marketing for the Ghostbusters that had just been, hey, the Ghostbusters, it's cool now. And they didn't have any jokes,

obviously terrible jokes in the movie, like where they shoot the ghost in the dick and stuff like that. Pandering is fine to an extent, but when you are being combative about it, what did you expect? When you market it in a combative way, that's what I don't understand. And the worst part part about it is even then i still went and saw the movie and i gave it like a four out of ten it's certainly and it's it's worse than ghostbusters

two but not by much you know and uh so i walked out of that movie and i'm thinking to myself am i actually sexist like did i not enjoy this because i did not like those women and then like i realized i went home to watch parks and rec for the third time which is a female driven show and like no this is one of my favorite shows how am i sexist i don't have a problem with women i love powerful women on tv shows that movie was just shitty you know but they'll like they they have to insist they have to insist. They have to insist. We didn't make her a $300 million target because, you know, oh, fuck you. If you were, like, if they made

him, you know, Lenny Croft instead of Laura Croft, like, you would play that game and be like, this is weird. First of all, his shorts are too revealing. Whoa! Like, you'd be like, this sucks. What a bulge! I can see it from behind oh sack is hanging out

why did they put him in daisy dukes he's like having to do that move where like he's like climbing up a rock face and like his whole body is in an x as he shimmies up the rock face and it's just it's just this huge bulge like fucking robbie lawler couple centimeters of like you ever see robbie lawler's cock like like Robbie Lawler is packing so much heat in the octagon that like I remember it and I'm like oh he's back again do people not wear cups in the octagon they wear cups but he's wearing an extra

extra large cup to contain whatever he's packing he's packing some fucking heat down there it might just be more protective yeah it definitely is more protective you know speaking as a the I was going to call myself a gay guy. I'm not really a gay guy. But I'm telling you, if you want to judge some UFC cock, you got to do it at the weigh-ins. That's what I'm trying to get out.

That's fair enough. That's fair to say. But I would – I don't have a lot of cup wearing experience. I do. I have a lot. And if I give a – I don't have a lot of cup wearing experience. I do. I have a lot. I don't remember when, though. But I would guess that if your cup is too big for your junk, then it would be loose, and especially in a combat sport,

maybe moving around even with a jockstrap. So I think the man is just really packing. I've seen guys with front kicks clip it because it's just out there. It's like he's got a really really really big orange in the middle of his crotch all the time it's huge if they gave like when i was playing goalie if they gave me a cup that was the size of my torso like i would have taken that over whatever other one because like you just feel safer like you don't want to feel like you're in a cup where you are just one stretch away from your dick

or your balls fall into the side and getting pinched you know that cup i have my like your scrotum skin it's pinched you don't like that like you you want something that you have you feel like you could stretch as far as humanly possible and it's you're going to be covered cup sizes are generally done uh by like waist size like like you know You don't buy a big cup because you've got a big dick. You buy a big cup because you're size 38 or 40 or something like that. I think if Robbie Lawler is packing a lot of heat in the octagon, he probably has a preference for those steel Muay Thai cups. That's where my money goes.

I would just take whatever was most protective. I don't understand why a fighter wouldn't some people might feel like they lose flexibility or mobility yeah I can imagine especially if you did stuff with your legs that I am incapable of doing for example

I see those guys with hip mobility and a lot of times that's the difference between surviving on the ground they've got such good hip mobility it seems like they're just fucking folding themselves in half and getting out and wiggling around and it's like i didn't do that shit and it might even be more difficult with a cup i've seen never mind i wonder what kyle's seen don't you want to know even more now i know it's boring it was just okay it's like i didn't stop myself because it was something naughty or something i'm saying it was like oh that's not interesting let's talk about

your paramotor trip i know you're going we're doing we're doing the show on wednesday and the patrons are getting this shit very early you're getting this shit wednesday night a whole day for pennies pennies a day so if you're not a patron go down below uh i will say we just had we had our uh our fan hangout which is $50 a month level like a couple weeks ago that was excellent, did three hours with the fans we sat in there, three hours at the end of it I was like it's 5 o'clock, I'm out of here

just like hung up on everybody I was like I put my time in here but I really did enjoy it we can't always do three hours, it's supposed to be an hour but we did three hours this time I'm sorry I didn't talk to you over Kyle but yeah so thanks to everyone on the show by the way three hours. It's supposed to be an hour, but we did three hours this time. I'm sorry. I talked over Kyle. Thanks to everyone on the show,

by the way, for doing it Wednesday instead of Thursday for my schedule. Of course. That's what made it easier for me to do it this week, so I'm glad you did it. Thank you. I don't mind. The deal is I have a paramotor race in Florida. I actually have... I think I can share this map

with everybody. If you want to share, put it down. This is where he'll be tomorrow. It's a big map. It'd be hard to find me exactly. But this is where the race is going. It's like, it starts in Lake Wales, which is

sort of central Florida near Orlando. It goes to the coast by Palm Bay. What's the distance you're covering? It's almost 300 miles. Holy shit. Yeah. This is cool. My current longest flight is 40 miles.

Yeah. Questions. Let me just ask questions now. All right. So what's the duration of this race that you're doing? When does it begin? When does it end? So it's intended to run.

So Thursday is the pilots meeting Thursday night. And it's intended to run Friday and Saturday. But Sunday is a contingency day that I think a lot of people will make it into because the weather is especially bad Friday. It's windy. Scary. Okay.

So this is the type of race. More like maybe like a marathon would be a good comparison because everybody's not showing up at the finish line in rapid order. It could easily be hours and hours behind. Not you, but an individual. Yes, yeah. And me, I'm doing it like there's two classes. There's a race class, and I've been calling it a race,

which maybe exaggerates it. You're timing yourself, and you're trying to do it as fast as possible. It's a race. But there's also an adventure class, and the difference is the support you're allowed to have. The guys in the race class, they have to carry their own fuel, their own oil. They'll have a gallon of oil on their belly so that they can land in an Exxon, mix it up, and then fly away with three-quarters of a gallon of oil.

Can I ask a quick question to intercede in here? If you were smart, would you have oil waiting somewhere at the like because i'm imagining some special paramotor oil could you put your oil at the gas state at an exxon like by the field you're going to land at and refuel could you do that no caches are against the rules cool yeah you as a racer you need to carry everything with you as an an adventure class guy, which is what I am, I partnered with this woman who I don't know. I just met her online. She seems very nice. And her boyfriend is operating the chase car.

So I'm going to offer up my Tacoma. I did. I don't know if we'll use it or not, but they seemed interested. And he'll drive that around, and it'll have, like, fuel and tents and sleeping bags and stuff like that. Whereas the race guys, like, dude, you should see them. They load up. Like, they've got fuel and tents and sleeping bags like across their bed it's very hard to launch

with all that extra weight and uh i'm glad that you're the nightwing yeah they're they're um they're probably better at paramotors than i am like i'm just coming up on one well they have i mean not the shit on your skills but i mean they just have to be right like it would i would imagine like i don't know would you feel comfortable strapping all that extra shit on you um i wouldn't it'd be tough my new my current paramotor is pretty light you know for the power to weight ratio so i wonder like if i put a tent in a sleeping bag on me i'm probably just back to my first paramotor you know in you know that's the way to go yeah right bring that hammock i hear you it's nice i just the thing about the hammock is you got to know there's trees where you're landing and i don't know i don't even know florida that well where i went like

it was real swampy and nothing was more than like a you know foot tall so uh um anyway i'm doing this race i i have a video scheduled to go up on Friday and I'm flying in turbulence and the whole video is just me like oh fuck oh my god take a breath Woody you're okay

and the weather on Friday is way worse than the weather in that video dude isn't Florida like the lightning capital of the world yeah it is do you know what would happen if you got hit by a goddamn bolt of lightning? I literally don't know what would happen. It's like if you get a star in Mario Kart. Yeah, it would be just like that.

I'm hoping it's more like a mushroom. Yeah, so I'm very nervous about this. I worry that I'm going to embarrass myself. I chest i worry that i'm gonna embarrass myself i think i'm smart enough not to hurt myself but uh if i get like if you're looking at the map if i get the it starts in the top left corner it starts and ends in that top left corner if i just make it to like that first crook and give up like a pussy then i will be very embarrassed maybe alive but whatever so let me ask you this will they know if you don't make it yeah i think they have um electronic how many people are there i don't know yeah i don't like

what what's what do you think if i were to throw a number out of people no i would i would guess that there's between like 12 and 18 people oh so people will notice yeah because when you're all landing at the end they'll be like all right all right, and 16, where is Woody? So I don't know what the website is going to be like. It hasn't, because people aren't doing it yet. But it's called the Icarus X. And if you Google that, I think there's live tracking. So if anyone's interested in, I don't know.

Shooting you down. Shooting me down, for example. Yeah, I think there's live tracking here. If they can find those Shia LaBeouf flags on 4chan in like seven minutes, then they will find you in real time. I was laughing my ass off. Like every once in a while,

4chan does one of those things where it's just so goddamn funny, you can't help it. Like the Hitler did nothing wrong do got me that was hilarious but this was like seeing these people chatting about like wind directions and plane flights and it's like what what you gotta you gotta have something you have to do today like this is crazy they're so smart like that's sometimes so fucking funny though are you not are you directing this intelligence in the right place for chchan you know like yeah why don't you just like

solve the health care thing we we couldn't figure out on our own uh a few minutes ago imagine if we could direct that weaponized autism towards isis yeah right i think we would take a lot of their oh they've yeah i'm sure they have yeah yeah they they did that with uh with pedophiles too where they like exposed some pet this is years and years ago but or maybe i'm like mixing up the websites but i feel like it was fortunate that like exposed like a decent number of pedophiles and got him arrested um or child porn people i they're very yeah but i thought that was hilarious like shia labeouf isBeouf is he's already crazy and just can't be helping because he just wants his fucking flag up

did you guys hear that sound? it happens maybe once every eight shows don't know what causes it or where it originates from but yeah I hear it we're still recording though right? that was so weird it scared the shit out of me I was like did I just drop the call?

that's really cool that you're doing this race. I will check. I'm literally going to track you online, I guess, when you're doing this thing. Because if I see that Woody's dot hasn't moved for 45 minutes, should I call?

Now it just disappeared. What if the chase over this giant lake um oh what color is your paramotor so we can you know zero in you know it's like a gunmetal gray you won't see it is it's titanium like unpainted but um um yeah this is the thing that we're doing and i'm simultaneously very excited about it and pretty nervous. It sounds awesome. I think you're going to have a blast. You're going to do better than you think.

To compete in this thing is like amongst certain people, it's very prestigious. There are tens of people who will be like, oh my God, you did the Icarus? So yeah, I got that coming to me. Did you get one of those stickers for the back of your truck? If there is one, I know I'm getting a t-shirt. And yeah, it's a very prestigious. There's a trophy for people that win, for the back of your truck? If there is one. I know I'm getting a t-shirt.

There's a trophy for people that win, but I'm not really... That's not going to be me. You got to get it. This is one step below the Iditarod, in my eyes. You should play dirty and sabotage all the others. That should be your ticket to victory.

It's a fucking paramotor race. You put an hour delay on them, you win, right? Put a little something in everybody's oil jug, and you just speed away into the night. Or you could do a little bit of chemtrails. Chemtrails. And put some fair mace on the back of your paramotor,

and then just have it spray backwards, and it'll be much more dissipated, but it'll be enough. Taylor, my young friend, you're presumed I'm in the front at some point in this race. I just imagine you getting your paramotor in front of all the other contestants and do that thing.

Rev it up. You have to position yourself so you can even still stand and then you shoot the mace into your back trail and blow it all over them and then take off. It's funny, but I i would never i have a lot of respect for it uh and i yeah really i'm just i've been obsessing like like over fuel stops and like the planning of it and how my i got my phone is going to be like my altitude and guidance system and how i'm going to keep that charged over the weekend and i've um yeah i've just been prepping for this a lot.

It's occupied my thoughts and we'll see how it goes. So hopefully good. I, yeah, I'll tell you. So. Imagine how, how much better you're going to do with all this stuff because you're actually getting real sleep now. They're going to be great. I hear you. I uh i just got the thing this morning so it's it'll be a new change you're like that guy on the olympics who like did the discus but he didn't know the right weight and so he like learned by throwing a super heavy discus

like you're gonna show up and they're like yeah this is woody he's pretty good and you're like ah i have been three minutes from sleep every time i've done this so far this is the first time i've tried it rested so we're gonna see how it pans out and you're just gonna be zooting like seeing details you've never seen before like we'll see so that i'm sorry kyle i was gonna completely change the subject yeah i was thinking the same no no i don't know i i this is completely i rub that sunscreen in my eyes every PKA. Like, I do this thing where I'm like, oh, let me get the oil off the back of my eyelids,

and then I rub sunscreen right into my eyeballs, and I never learn. I watched Nick Diaz today with nunchucks. You ever seen him with nunchucks? Yeah. Am I supposed to be more impressed? I feel like he's a regular person with nunchucks. Have you ever used him before?

Yes. It's easy to make an ass of yourself if you're fucking around with nunchucks. I feel like I'm as good as Nick Diaz, except I can only do it for five seconds. He gets high as fuck. He hits the bong, and then he's just... And he's just behind his back and flipping him around, and I'm like, I would have wrapped myself already eight or 20 times.

Like, I don't know. It looks slick to me, and what I was really was really thinking like maybe it didn't look like something acrobatic like maybe you'd like like a drum like like yeah you know those drum lines they have those chicks with the the things and the what do you call those things batons doing crazy shit wasn't exactly spinning it like a baton but imagine if you had to face off with that motherfucker and he had that thing oh my god he would fuck you up so bad because their heart is a rock and I like Imagine if you had to face off with that motherfucker and he had that thing. Oh, my God. He would fuck you up so bad because they're hard as a rock.

The ones I've always seen are hardwood. Do you think a nunchuck is a much better weapon than a policeman's club? Yes. Because you get that inertia of the swing. And if you're untrained, definitely I want the club. Baseball bat or baton. Because if you miss a swing with a nunchuck as a knucklehead like me, it probably comes back and hurts you. Right.

But if you miss with a club, we've all swung clubs at one point. Whether you play baseball or a sport that involves a club or you just smash the bat one time. Or there was a spider you got to kill. We've all swung something and hit something. It's easy. It's pretty ingrained in us evolutionarily, I would imagine. But nunchucks are a little more difficult.

Would you rather face an opponent with nunchucks or a policeman's club? Because the thing about the policeman's club that maybe people aren't thinking about is the poking aspect of it. You can punch with that thing and it's a stick. It's very rough. It breaks ribs ribs i yeah crack

your skull i don't know it would depend i really don't know neither one of them is is it sounds fun i feel like i'd be i feel like he's hitting harder with the nunchucks but just because of the the swing even even even an untrained opponent i feel like you get more power into that swing and i guess my hope is to disarm you or i want us to wrap up and get close i don't want distance between us you know i want to get this fucking thing away from you get it out of combat if i can so i guess a club i prefer the club because i feel like it's easier to take from someone it doesn't the uh in in baseball we always talked about bat speed like oh that guy's got bat speed look at that like that fucking swing didn't take... That speed.

That applies to when you're trying to hit somebody with something just as much as when you're trying to hit a baseball. I just want to never be in a fight again. Honestly. You guys seem really excited to just beat the shit out of somebody. I'm hypothetically excited. I'm the one with the nuns.

Hypothetical Woody is very tough. Yeah, yeah. You know, I've only ever been in two. Besides the abuse stuff growing up, I've only ever been in two fights in my lifetime. The first time I was like 12, and I really, really, really hurt a kid. And he ended up going to the hospital,

and my family ended up having to pay out. The second time I hurt somebody, the second time I got into a fight, I failed 10th grade PE because I was so ashamed of my body, I refused to change out. And so they made me, in order to graduate, take 10th grade PE again as a senior year. I only failed one semester. So I had to take that last semester as a senior.

And there was a kid in that class that just fucking hated me because i was fat and i was slow and i sucked at the games that we play in pe or whatever and so every day he'd give me shit it's like good job running out there or what i call it fucking crawl and and i'd be like well here's the thing i'm so tired from fucking your mother last night i can't you know here's the thing my balls are just so drained i stopped over i released it in lunch today and that bitch just sucks the life out of me. You know, it's just continuous. Right.

And he's just like, oh, why'd you get so fat? I'll tell you, because every time I fuck your mother, she bakes me a pie to thank me. I'm fucking her three days a week, dude. And I got to eat the pie because if I don't eat the pie, she cries. She's like, oh, my son is such a waste of a human. The only good thing i do right is bake you pies please eat them and eventually this guy just fucking hits me right and so i tried i tried one would right so i tried to like obviously i've been hit like by that point

by my mother like a billion times so hitting me doesn't do anything and so i try to like man up or whatever and i get real big and then we have these old shitty lockers and so i punch the locker and dent the locker and then there's these old shitty benches and so like put my foot through the bench and i'm like uh because there was i mean they would break under my weight that's how old these benches are don't think this picture like boogie stomp right and uh and i'm like dude you don't want to fuck with me right and he like immediately takes a step back and the coach uh i make enough noise and that's the other reason i'm making so much noise is to get the coach in there and he like breaks his up or whatever and then that day when i'm going home from school this uh i plan to stay late and this girl that i like she's like hey didn't you want to go to the library today and i was like oh yeah that's right

there's a setup you know i'll walk with you to the library and i'm like this is probably a setup but if there's that many people involved why not right let's just do it get it over with lord so i get it we're walking that way and we walk past my car and there's a ton of people surrounding my car and there's still plenty of time by the time I see that to walk in the other direction. But it's like, ah, just face the music. It doesn't matter. Fuck it. And I walk up and I'm like, Oh, Hey Steve, what's up dude? His name is Steve too. And his older brother is there his older brother's 18 and he's a heavyset guy and he's like six foot four and he's strong as shit and then his brother's two friends are there and i'm like i'm not gonna hit this kid if i hit this kid these people are just gonna kill me

so i'm just not gonna fucking do that and so i'm like dude uh he's like i'm like what i'm like what do you want what do you want me to say or what do you want me to do i mean you want me to tell you i'm sorry for for making fun of your mom and stuff well i'm not because you fucking picked on me every day and just return the favor you asshole and he said no i want you to fight me and i'm like i'm not gonna hit you dude and so he punches me again and where's he face straight face and so i take my arms and i put them behind my back and i'm like dude i'm not gonna fight you back it's just not gonna happen and and he's like why would you fight me he hits me like four or five more times breaks my glasses how would the fight have gone

i don't know man i haven't i haven't thrown a punch since that first fight the first time i locker didn't fare well but if you don't know then it's close right it's not an obvious winner loss i guess well i mean to be frank the one time i did get into a fight i disassociated The locker didn't fare well. But if you don't know, then it's close. It's not an obvious winner-loss, I guess. Well, I mean, to be frank, the one time I did get into a fight, I disassociated. And since I disassociated, I wasn't really in control of what I was doing. And so I did hurt the kid very badly. So I didn't ever want to do that again. And so I did not disassociate here.

And even if I had, I probably would have. Well, anyway, when he broke my glasses, I cried. And the reason I cried was not because he was hurting me but because my mom was gonna go fucking nuts so after this beating i had to go home and get another beating because my glasses are shattered and now she's gonna have to pay for that and crying's an emotional thing you're crying because it's a really bad day right and he's like i can't i can't believe you're fucking crying i'm like well this sucks dude why why else would i cry he's worried when are you gonna hit me back and i'm like not just get it done just get it over with do whatever you gotta do and i think he hit him probably a

total of 10 times and then uh he's like what what'd you fight was even though he did want to fight you back if i hurt you they're gonna kill me so you knew this is how it was gonna work out yeah there was no way to win except not to play kind of and so i ended up getting the fight you get your ass beat so i ended up getting in the car and driving home and then got my ass beat a second time that day my mother went fucking ballistic i can't believe you got into a fight i can't believe you fucking did this don't you get enough abuse at home i can't fucking believe this well i hope you better kill that kid you better kill him if i front tires that you didn't kill him i'll fucking kill you whole nine yards so just a shit day and

then i get to school the next day and i get fucking suspended i'm the older kid i should have been more mature i should have been able to do it i got in school suspension he got three days out of school suspension i got a week in school suspension which by the way was amazing because i just wrote role-playing books and like wrote a dnd campaign so it was a great it was a good week and i didn't have to do with my teachers and i didn't have to do with my class and i have to do with shit and my face got to heal and they brought me lunch they brought me fucking lunch there in the auditorium where i was it was great like i was like why can't school like this every day i got my homework done in like for such an hour every day you know and then like a cubicle it's solitary confinement though like my ins i remember that shit as the worst thing they could do i was in and it wasn't it wasn't the highest on the

punishment scale either it was like a little above medium hot you know like like oh you know you cheated on a test you got ins you know something like that now that i that, I don't remember why I was in there in particular, probably something silly. Probably not. They put you in a fucking cubicle and nobody talks to you or has anything to do with you until they're like, food's here. And you're like, ah, all right, well, it's cold now because you just walked in here from the lunchroom, so I don't really want it. And then the eight hours of sitting there, you from early in the morning till to the night and if you ever if they ever catch you sleeping they like prod you awake it's like you're in a you're in a vietnamese bamboo trap and there's a there's a guard who walks by and throws water on you every now and then to make

sure you're suffering effectively but think about how good it would be if you got it now in 2017 because every one of those kids has a smartphone and can just read or do whatever they want sitting there. It's not like when you got it or when I guess any of us got it. Got nothing. I remember thinking about bringing my PlayStation in and I had this idea for how to rig it all up and battery power

it and stuff and I was like, nah, I only got a week and a half. I guess I'll just tough this out. But they'd catch me sleeping and they'd be like fucking wake you up and it was just like,'ve done all my work why can't i just nap more work i have a fight cry story i don't think i've ever told before i asked your question real quick what do you if i can uh in high school i did band and i carried the bass drum and then played football and then i also did martial arts martial arts from like 12 to 15 or so. And then I was in the Boy Scouts on top of that.

So I think I probably could have hurt that kid, to be frank. He weighed like a buck 20. I think I could have just destroyed him if I had to. He was only like 15. I was in seventh grade. No, I was in eighth grade. And the other guy was in seventh grade. And that was why I thought I would clearly win this thing. Dude, I'm in eighth grade, and the other guy was in seventh grade. And that was why I thought I would clearly win this thing, right?

Dude, I'm in eighth grade. He's a seventh grader. Fuck that guy. And he did something to my girlfriend. He might have playfully poked her with a pencil or something, but I took offense to it. I don't know. I'm young and dumb.

He didn't slap her or anything, did he? No, I think he literally poked her with a pencil. That'd been too much. Yeah had been too much but uh no and i don't think she was all that upset about it or it like i overreacted i was stupid and um so now i'm gonna fight this guy after school we cleverly like leave the school and go to some playground blocks away so we don't get in trouble by the school that was our thought process didn't work and uh so there we are in the playground squaring off and somewhere between the time when i challenged him to a fight and got in the fight

they told me that he used to be an eighth grader and he got like i got left back like he should have been an eighth grader couple that with the fact that like he's way bigger than me and i'm showing no signs of puberty at this point yeah um it just looks bad but whatever like i'm i'm here and i'm not cowardly so like let's dance and um uh we're like squared up or whatever and i throw the first punch and i hit him in the eye and it's beautiful it's wonderful and it starts to tear and I'm like what's the matter Trevor you crying you crying now and that was the last thing that went my way he just seemed to be a better puncher he was bigger and stronger and he landed all the hits and sadly he didn't get a black eye but I did and so

that was just like a real obvious score is posted for the next week on who won that fight. And it went on for a while, like 15 minutes or so. And it wasn't like I got knocked out or anything, but I was like, you know, I lost. I can see where this is going. I'm just getting hit more and more, and you're getting hit less and less. It looks like you're better at fighting than me. Can we stop? Indefinitely, I'll die. That's the beautiful thing about combat between two males of any species, whether

we're elk fighting it out for any elk. There's always that moment where one of them them's oh i keep going i'll die let's end it here and like that's what that's what i really like about mma i think is because most of the time the guy who won won because he had to be stopped short of killing the other you know that's the level that mma pushes it to like you can be like yeah tom brady's the greatest quarterback of all time somebody's like ah what about johnny unitas he's like well well we never did push them to the point of dying, so I guess maybe it is kind of hard to see.

But when you're talking about fighters, you're like, oh, well, we pushed. That guy would have murdered that other guy if that other large man hadn't interceded, so I'd say he's better at that. I like that about combat. It's always to the point of death, but then we stop. And that's why jiu-jitsu is even cooler because you get to train at full speed or whatever. Yeah, that and that's why jiu-jitsu is even cooler because you get to train at like full speed or whatever yeah that's the thing about jitsu you can

you could yeah you can try your hardest in training we were at the principal's office afterwards and uh he was like all right you two boys got in a fight he asked what it was about he was kind of like dressed in the whole thing down i still got in trouble at school even though this wasn't a school thing we tried to explain that loophole to him, but he wasn't having it. Apparently he can punish anyone he wants. But at one point, he's like, alright, alright, I can see that you have a black eye. He points to me and points to Trevor, and he's like,

can I see you various bruises across your face? And I'm like, I wish. I feel like he was just giving me a throwing a bone there but I felt good about it so it's interesting you got in trouble for that though because you were off school

grounds right he was not down for that loophole I felt that yeah I felt the same that's why we did it I think it because you would think that your parents could have been like I don't have any say over this principle. What the fuck? Like, you got to fight it, like, you know, down the street.

Like, what business is this of yours? And, like, pull you out of there. That probably would have flown. He'd have been like, I guess you're right. I know I got in a fight. I was, during the time when I was homeschooled, I was at a football game on school grounds. Or, you know, I was a middle schooler when we were at the high school, but, you know, it's the same thing. And I got in a fight and I was in like when it was all over, it was like, I'm going fucking home.

You're in trouble, though. You're in trouble. You should have done this. But it was almost like I was immune to all of the teacher and principal bullshit that even went on there. It was like, you people have no power here! Yeah, right? I'm going home. My mom teaches me math.

And she's over there laughing. Literally. Boogie, you need to go? Oh yeah, man. I got a stream on Twitch in just a few minutes, man. I just wanted to say thanks for having me, man. I love you guys.

It's been a pleasure as always. Thanks for coming on. Love you too, man. Always fun having you on. I always love it. Come back sooner rather than later. Love your audience. If you want to check me out, youtube.com slash boogie298

or join me on the Twitch stream at twitch.com slash boogie298 or follow me on Twitter where I can complain about my obesity and you can enjoy that. Talk to you guys soon. Thanks for having me on. I hope we'll be back soon. Bye-bye. For sure.

See you later. My ass is so sore from this chair. Like, I need a new chair. I'm getting, like, phantom ass pains from hearing Boogie's story about ass pain. That's where I thought Kyle was. His ass pain is much worse than mine, though. Like, I keep switching butt cheeks that I'm sitting on over here.

I'm going to get a new chair tomorrow. This is enough of this. After four hours of sitting in this chair, my ass gets really sore. Maybe you need a more high-end chair. This is like a $300 chair. You're supposed to get up.

You're supposed to walk around like... Aren't you supposed to walk around like five minutes an hour? Or something like that? Like for office jobs and shit where they're like, oh, turns out you can get blood clots and just kind of stand up and die. So let's... Maybe, but I just need a more comfy chair. Get up and have a cigarette once an hour

or whatever they tell you to do. Second-hand smokers break. Sorry. Let's see. I think I'm lagging behind you guys. That sucks. Could be. I have a shooting in Florida.

Does that seem like an interesting topic to you? It's a pretty good one. That seems to happen all the time. What happened? In this case, a concealed carry permit holder found a perp kicking the shit out of a cop. The cop, if I recall, it's like a two-week-old story, begs for help, and the citizen kills the perp. Awesome.

Yeah. All right. Yeah. You think I'd save any old shooting? Oh, it's on video? Excellent. Would you like to watch this together? Yes.

Yes. Let's get through some Halo commercial or something. Give me just a second. I need to fix the boxes because we have fewer people. Remove the guest. I'm ready to go on it now. Hopefully I'm not lagging behind you guys too bad.

I'm going to be about 30 seconds. Pause, please. Let's see. Kyle, can you give me a smoke, thunder, whatever the hell, real quick? Mm-hmm. Smoke. Fire.

All right, close enough. I can anticipate jokes. On my side, that was instant. Was it? Yeah. Then hopefully it's getting better. Now I'm having a real conversation with you. A little bit earlier, I always hate it when I say something, and then five seconds later, I see you guys reacting with the face of,

what the fuck is he talking about? Because it's too late, and it doesn't make sense. Yeah, I'm cute as zero on this. Everybody's waiting on me. I'm fixing the layout, but I just finished. All right. Three, two, one, play. Confrontation on a highway in Florida. Newly released cell phone video showing an armed bystander coming to the rescue of a deputy who had been attacked and had been

pinned to the ground. A warning tonight. The images are graphic. And here's ABC's Mara Scavacampo. Epic images. Tonight, newly released... Our favorite kind. ...video of what authorities are calling a heroic shooting. Bro, he's about to f***ing fire, dude. A Florida deputy badly beaten and pinned to the ground last November by a suspect who reportedly pulled the officer from his patrol car. He's had the gun. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. He's about to fire. According to police reports, the bystander, Ashad Russell, began yelling for the suspect to get off of the deputy. He doesn't, and the officer, fearing for his life, tells Russell, please shoot him. That's when he fires, striking the man.

Right? He just shot, dude, oh my God! Oh my God, he just shot him! Officer Dean Bards then breaking free, Russell dropping his gun as he walks away. A deputy bystander- He looks like Bart Hunt on a walk-off KO. He dropped the mic!

He dropped that pistol like it was fucking- he just stepped off the stage and was actually killed. Man, did he kill the guy? Yeah, I think so. Did you guys hear it for sure? Yeah, I guess. That goes quickly from a man, that's a badass walk-off to that guy was just unsuspectingly

kind of forced to kill someone during his commute. It's like, imagine what is going through his head as he's walking away. He's probably like, holy fuck, holy fuck, holy fuck. For the listeners, the person who was beat, the cop was white, the man beating him was black.

The man who shot the man beating him was also black, it looked like to me. And so maybe... Put this fucking gun down real quick because there's more cops coming. The person who died. Oh, I did confirm, by the way, he died. Maybe the others aren't.

So the concealed carry permit holder fired three shots. One was in the neck, which they presumed to be the kill shot. And the guy who was holding down the cop was like, you better kill me. So he shot him twice, and he's like, you better kill me after he shot a second so he shot him twice and he's like you better kill me and he obliged there you go everybody got what they wanted it sounds like

it sounds like this really panned out except for the the cop being assaulted and the guy who probably is gonna have nightmares it's a feel-good story i think i don't know it's possible that that guy is like a hero now and like everybody at the bar is patting him on the back like this is billy he shot a guy yesterday ain't that right yeah yeah you're right he is a hero it's possible yeah and i'm with taylor but there are a lot of military heroes who uh stress over it yeah like just because it's like a really good thing and they'll get props for it doesn't mean it's not. They committed many times, you've talked about how your brother had those

feelings about when he's in that tank with better technology against the Iraqis who were poorly equipped and it felt like a shooting gallery and I can understand how that'd make you feel bad. It's like, I'm serving my country, I'm obeying orders, but at the same time I'm slaughtering those other human beings over there who don't

have a shot in this. Here's a guy who's dealing with a mentally unstable madman in the streets who's literally begging to be shot and he's got a cop there who's pitting down a cop to be shot. It doesn't get any better than this. By that, it doesn't get any better.

There's not a better use of force that I've seen in quite some time. It's a valiant use of force than I've seen in quite some time. Yeah. It's a valiant use of force. I can just imagine this ever goes anywhere. It's like a civil suit or any kind of court somewhere. And they're like, why did you shoot? He's like, because the police officer instructed me to do so. And so I fired once.

And then the man being shot instructed me to kill him. And I was just trying to take orders i was just doing my best trying to help like that that really is like that is crazy that that that saved that officer's life potentially like if the officer said like the little clip where it says the officer said please shoot him like that's almost shocking in and of itself, where, like, for an officer to go, like, fucking shoot him, because I guarantee he did not go, sir, sir, please shoot this gentleman atop me. Please shoot at me. He was screaming, because, like, he knew, like, this is my last leg. Like, I'm fighting for my life.

Thank God this Samaritan has a gun to save me, to bail me out. That's not a well-equipped police officer. I have a police officer friend. He's a sheriff's deputy, actually. And you get that man in a ground-and-pound scenario, you're getting disemboweled, right? He's got a little hook knife. He's got this knife on his belt that pulls from a hard kydex scabbard. It looks like a raptor claw. It looks like from Jurassic Park.

Sometimes they have a backup gun on their ankle, too. He's like Batman. You know, he... You want to see something cool? He opens the trunk of his car. He's like, whoa! We're getting ready for the Northwood shootout? How many mags do you have? He carries an actual disemboweling knife

because that's what those are. Those aren't meant to be like, ooh, look at me. Like a... It's meant to be like, you grab it and you rake it across their stomach and spill their guts out. If you were a cop

and the backup got there, you had to call because you got in the tussle with your fucking medieval shank or whatever the hell it is. The other cops come and they're like, explain what happened. You have to stand there next to a guy and what did we learn earlier tonight? 20 feet

of intestines? How does that pan out like nobody sees a body there with intestines strewn out and went okay this went this was a close fight like no you go like this guy's got like organs missing you've just got a dirty knife and it looks like you're at fault like that but that would not play well in the media at all. You totally cut his belly. But he's got the pepper spray and the taser and at least one knife I know about

and then his main piece and then his secondary piece and then his shotgun in the car and then his AR-15 in the trunk of the car and then enough ammunition to literally hold off for maybe an hour in an actual shootout. It's absurd. This cop is not true. It's like he has so much shit he doesn't even

think of the possibility that he could be injured or die. I just keep fighting until it ends. I figure I get like two, three hundred kills. You know, and took me by surprise. They could get through my body armor. He's got the body armor of course too. It's hard to deal with a cop.

They're dressed to do their job plus they support each other very uh aggressively aggressively i was looking for a different word enthusiastically you know like yeah they'll if you hurt one cop you have many more to that you will soon meet you better be charming that's absolutely true that's not a myth or anything. I hear that from cop friends. That's what fucking happens. Someone has shot a police officer, injured one. He quote unquote carries that ass whooping. Dude, do you remember that we watched a video,

for people who don't recall, it was black and white infrared helicopter footage and this guy had killed a cop. And then they found him. So he, like, belly crawls out from the house looking as unthreatening as possible. And the policemen walk up to him and soccer kick his face to lead it off. And the police helicopter that's filming it in infrared, yeah, yeah. It zooms off and looks at trees like a block away.

There must have been an interesting squirrel over there. I mean, there's a cockerel in that tree. Look, everyone. The dog from Up is navigating the camera. He's working the camera like, ah, squirrel! And he looks at that. Yeah, they just took the camera off

and let the cop kick the shit out of the perp. Yeah, I was a little confused about that thing. I remember it may have – I think the reason they were mad – and there's a bunch of news stories, and you get them confused. But I think that this guy had like – I think he'd shot a cop or he'd injured one in some way. And then there was a police chase in which a very well-respected and loved female officer died chasing him like had an accent or something and i think that that that was a big component of him getting soccer kicked in the face um what i understand and dude they um so he's cuffed behind his back and everywhere they take him he's like they beat me up they kick my ass they kick my ass right he's got like skull fractures like a baseball sized welts under

his eye he they beat the shit out of him it's very clear but there's really no one in society going ah yeah they should have been sweeter to you yeah why didn't they handle you more delicately that's a mistake that's a mistake it's that kind of attitude and that fear that's instilled in any kind of suspect who wants to come peacefully and give up, that they think about it, and they're like, I won't be the guy getting soccer kicked in the street. I'd rather go out in a blaze of glory. What's that old quote that, you know, it's like a coward dies a thousand deaths before the final one,

but heroes only taste of death but once! You know, the valiant, you know, he's thinking that way. Like, I'm going to go out there right fucking now. If they're going to fucking beat me up me up I'm gonna take somebody with me Don't kill me before they torture me on the ground for the news team to look at you know a lot of people It's like that as a strong point. You're right You're a hundred percent right about like you should look at all these situations evenly even the most awful people and be like yeah Cops you shouldn't be beaten him to death, but it's like it's exactly the same feeling as like oh

this serial pedophile rapist murdered in prison over the weekend like you should be like oh that's not good you know murder in the prison system but your visceral reaction is like eh saving a year i don't really care like you you did something that you know i don't know emotionally you you don't want to give a did something that, you know, I don't know. Emotionally, you don't want to give a fuck, but you should, like, from a fact standpoint, be like, ah, we don't want that, but it's so easy to be like, ah, but him, he attacked a cop. He raped kids. What about, remember the father who fucking shot the pedophile in the head in the goddamn airport?

Why? They had to rape his son. Yeah. Remember that shit? He's screaming why? Adam, do you remember that? shot the pedophile in the head in the goddamn airport that had raped his son. Remember that shit? He's screaming why? Adam, do you remember that? The one who's screaming why is the police officer detective who had been a major part of the investigation and knew the family very well. Like this man had molested, raped, abused his son. And when he comes off the plane and they're leading him through the airport, handcuffed or whatever, to like face trial,

dad walks up and fucking just fucking kills him right there and drops the gun. He's like, I'm done. I'm done. I'm not crazy. I'm not a madman. I'm not here to hurt anybody. Except for that piece of shit. And they let him off. It was all good. I don't even think he did community service. They were like, you know, you're not allowed to murder people in the airport

as a rule of thumb. Reckless discharge of a firearm. And then he argues it. He's like, sir, I hit him right in the fucking head. All right, let's be real. It wasn't reckless. I ain't careful. All right. Your shell casing is on the ground.

Will you take littering? We've actually decided that we're giving you time served for your community service as your to give you uh we're giving you time serve for your community service as your service being the the removal of a pedophile from the world yeah it would be funny if the judge was like i'm sentencing you to 500 000 hours of community service or one dead pedophile it was probably the same situation as like the end of every Harry Potter movie where they're like, you murdered someone in the airport.

You cast spells without approval. You bring a gun into a gun-free zone. And for this, I award you the highest honors. And it's like, what the fuck? Like, what? That took a left turn. This is a horrible headmaster. Like, this guy's really fostering a community of miscreants.

Here's a good one. We've talked Dumbledore versus Gandalf before, but who is a worse elder wizard for those who are under him? Who puts those who would say that he loves them and would say that they love him in the most danger? Because Gandalf sends fucking Frodo into the jaws of the lion. Repeatedly. him in the most danger because Gandalf sends fucking Frodo into the jaws of the lion. Dumbledore did the same thing to Harry Potter, the exact same thing almost.

I don't know Harry Potter lore well at all. I know very cursory. I know you'll correct me. They both do the same thing of they had to pick, at least for Gandalf, he had, just like how Bilbo had it for so long, he had to pick a halfling, a hobbit, because the hobbits are the only race that were able to

withstand the corruptive power of the ring. Like, if you gave it to a man, they'd crumble like immediately. The elves, like, they'd crumble. The dwarves just want fucking gold. Like, the hobbits, for some reason, just like they can throw shit well, they can withstand evil. Did Dumbledore have to pick Harry Potter to save someone

to do the mission because of his scar he was the only one yeah okay well then they're both the same they just had to use the tool they were given because they like dumbledore couldn't solve it himself because like a big part of why harry potter is key is because that all right so i'll give you like a little bit of harry potter background basically there's a prophecy that comes out that this voldemort guy who's like the most powerful evil wizard there's ever been it's only going to be beaten by one person and he narrows it down to like this Harry Potter baby he goes to kill the baby in doing so he imprints a part of his soul onto the baby and sort of

scatters his existence out to like the seven winds and he exists from then on in the form of these horcruxes that are like because he cuts his soul in seven parts and he hides each part of him in a different object in the world so that he can never die. And part of why Harry Potter is so important is he is one of those objects. Inside of him is a part of the big bad evil guy.

And so for Voldemort to be defeated, Harry Potter has to die. It's the only way to work. Harry Potter is the seventh thing that he's got to get. He's one of the horcruxes, yeah. Does he die in here? Are you allowed as many horcruxes as you want, or is there like a soul dilution rate where it doesn't work?

Harry Potter dies. Seven was the most magical and therefore powerful number. He comes back. He goes to the afterlife where he sees Dumbledore, who died a couple of books earlier. Dumbledore, we're in like a train station type thing. That's how they picture the afterlife. And Dumbledore starts talking to him about, you know,

he's like, oh, we're in the afterlife, blah, blah, blah. And he takes him over to this little basket, and inside of it is a bloody, mutated baby, just in pain, just suffering. It's wiggling and crying. And Harry Potter wants to help it, but he's like, you can't help. That's Voldemort. That's how he exists in the

afterlife, just this suffering pathetic thing. This is what he is, and Harry Potter feels sorry for him. Then there's this moment where they're like, alright. They go back to the real world, and then they duke it out some more. I'm going to tell the whole fucking story of Harry Potter. I'm that's i'm enjoying it i'm actually into this now i wasn't

really i think i like kyle's telling more than the movie they both yeah so i would so then given that but you put dumbledore and gandalf on the same level of putting them through shit no i don't know it's worse because i feel like gandalf like time and time again sort of like steps out of the picture like when he went off to do research for like five years or something it seems like he I think Gandalf's worse because I feel like Gandalf time and time again sort of steps out of the picture. When he went off to do research for five years or something, it seems like he could really stick with Frodo or give him some more magic or school him up a little. At least Dumbledore was always there with Harry Potter being like, come here close, kid.

I can't tell you your future, but you're going to need some help. And he's always trying to help him. That was kind of the thing with Frodo, though, is that when he gave him the ring, like in the movies you obviously don't get this impression, but in the books it's more like, all right, Bilbo, fucking give me that. Frodo, you hold on to this.

Don't be carrying around some maniac like your uncle. Just put it in the dresser and go about your life. And kind of tried to make it so that he didn't fully divulge what it was to him. And by not fully divulging it, it made it so that it was more just like a thing you forget about. Like, oh, that trinket's in there again, and I'm living my Hobbit life. And so then when he shows back up with his, Frodo, we have to get out of here!

Like his shit, it's like, all right, you fucking move at this point. But, like, I don't know. Peter, have you seen all the Harry Potter movies? I've seen them all, but, like, honestly, a lot of the time was when my younger brother was watching it and I wasn't paying full attention. I strongly suggest the books because you go through them like butter. You go right through them.

You'll look at this book that's this thick and you'll get, say, 100 pages in and you're like, oh shit, there's only that much left? I swear to God, you just eat this thing up. You consume those books because it's easy to read. It's a children's book. A lot of people have said that,

that the book is not as intimidating to read as it looks. Well, it is a children's or an adolescent book. I don't know what it was marketed as, but it's got language in there that's easy to read. Here's what's cool about it. They start out at seven years old in book one. These are seven-year-olds, and so they have seven-year-old fucking problems most of the time and you you kind of shit my

follow a seven year old but by the end you're following like a young adult who's like you're dealing with like a young adult who's trying to get laid and has relationship issues and so you grow up with harry potter if you're his same age group and you got to experience it that way personally i started reading when i was like i don't know 13 so. And I was and most of the books are already out. So I got to consume them like one after another and maybe wait for like the last one or two, which was sick. I love that. I went to the midnight release of the Harry Potter book. I was like, hey, fucking give me mine.

And I'm like, I'm like driving home, like looking at the back cover around. Like, did you guys ever go to a midnight release of a COD game like a celebrity? No. Never like a celebrity, but I showed up at it, grabbed it, and left. That was all I ever did. I showed up to it like a regular person, but got recognized in line and got all this attention until I bought it and left.

It sounds awesome, but in reality it like turned oh you know waiting in line to like a work event where it's like all right now there are people here with expectations of me now you're on like pr watch yeah where you're like my version of pr watch was always like make sure they have a good experience make sure the time they met woody woody wasn't a dick see but that still puts you on point. I mean, like if you had just been sitting there being like, all right,

I'm in line. Like you would, or whatever. You just wait in line. Look at your phone. You can have a bitch face of like, I'm tired. I'm out of this.

And that doesn't matter. But there you have to even be like, all right, midnight. Like someone could see me better be ha ha. You know, love and waiting for this game. Like,

right. Yeah. Yeah. yeah yeah so i just try to make sure they had a good time some people asked for selfies or whatever like that's no people don't some people ask for autographs but pictures are way more common and uh but yeah they just and then it's like you know like this guy knows me this guy knows me this that other guy wonders why i'm a big deal at all. And I'm like, how do I deal with this problem? And I'm like, oh, well, here, let me explain my resume to you. Like what a douche.

And, you know, just like I'm just a dude, you know. Like I don't know. It's weird like trying to handle that. Whatever. I don't know how that came up. I have another topic. I don't know that I would love it unless you guys have a topic you want to do instead. What is it?

It is actresses at the beginning of their career versus now. I bet they look older. Probably not as good. Marissa Tomei is the best one, by the way. She has held up the best. Did you see her boobies? Did you see that before and after boobie picture that was on Reddit today

or yesterday? Oh, actually, no. All these pictures are safe for work. Marisa Tomei has a thing for short, bald men. I have a thing. I've heard that. Look out, Jim Norton. I have this thing that plastic surgery is not as bad

as everyone says it is. I thought we'd look at the pictures and discuss that theory. Good plastic surgery is great. Look at Jennifer Aniston. I think she looks excellent. That's a fake nose. She's first on this list.

Yeah, she had that nose done like decades ago. Oh, yeah. You can see her original nose. I didn't realize she was in Ferris. She was the sister, I guess. I didn't realize she was in Ferris she was the sister i guess i didn't realize she was in ferris bueller either she is not the sister i can right right i remember the sister now that i say it yeah curly hair and everything she was in uh dirty dancing too i think yeah i like that

chick can't think of her name right now i don't remember what role she played in that but anyway yeah here's her original looks a little gollumy or sneegly here's i think it's her slavic ancestry she is yeah she's from russia so then who's um who's the second one tom cruise's ex-wife kate wins that's nicole kidman nicole kidman thank you yeah i don't know i actually what's funny so neither of these show Nicole Kidman at what I consider to be her prime. Yeah, her peak somewhere around 30.

But 16-year-old Nicole Kidman, I wouldn't have picked out to be as pretty as she peaked at. Yeah, for 49, that picture looks really good. Well, she is on a motorcycle in that picture riding a BMX bike or something. Yeah. Probably a frizzy day for her. Dude, next one down, Mia Kunis.

I don't know if she operated into as pretty as she is or if she just blossomed. Whatever it is. Yeah, she blossomed. There's no surgery there. No? Dude, here's how I know 1,000%, 1,000% sure. Go back to the first thing I ever saw her in was that 70s show when she's underage she's like 17 years old in that 70s show making out with Ashton Kutcher a grown-ass man um yeah she looks the same at 16 or 17 or whatever she is there as she does

now like nothing has changed like oh yeah just call me crazy but I prefer age 32 to age 12 for sure yeah I've seen her vagina. I'm pretty sure. She has this picture of her. She's smoking a doobie with her butt pressed against a glass sliding door. You can see a little bit of her vagina from behind. She's smirking and smiling while looking back at you. It was leaked onto the internet.

That one got by me. I'll find it for you if you'd like. Oh, of course I'd like that. Who's the next one? Innocent Lies, Collateral Beauty. Keira Knightley. You have to be a really big star for me to know you. Her face in the second one, the 31-year-old,

her resting face always looks like she's trying to discreetly get a piece of food out of her teeth with her tongue. You know, like trying to do that thing where you don't move your teeth so people can't tell when you're trying to get it. Not safe for work. NSFW. I'll have to check that out later i'm sharing my screen i could risk too much yeah it's a whole booty so it is it it certainly looks real nice too i want to look at the next one that's um the pretty woman julia roberts now i think most well the next one go on i did we skip over um what's her name and collateral beauty i think we did it quickly yeah we skipped over apologize then

yeah okay pretty woman um so i look at the pretty woman shot and i think she's had plastic surgery i think she's more wrinkled than that like and her face looks close to pull back to me but I'm not sure that it's worse than the hypothetical non-surgery thing. It's much better. These are all winners by the way. That's the point of this whole gallery is that all of these women look excellent in their 30s,

40s, and 50s. Women get, I think Julia Roberts without plastic surgery would have these particular kind of vertically oriented wrinkles on her lip. She'd have Pelosi neck. Oh, yes. I didn't think about the neck. I don't know Pelosi neck.

Oh, okay. Like a turkey neck. Like the two things. Like the politician, Pelosi. Right, right. I just don't picture her neck. She's got that old nasty neck. Does she?

Yeah. Very, very old neck. Johnain's got a disgusting neck just saying i i expected you guys to be like oh this plastic surgery was a total failure but but i'm like i was going to defend it and say no i like it what she would have had is you know obviously she's not as good as you have the most beautiful women some of the most beautiful women here in Hollywood I mean all of these are like top these are all winners who have aged amazingly and part of it is plastic surgery

part of it is living with a nutritionist taking care of themselves better than most people can even afford to if they did have the wherewithal and the will to do so, which is a real fucking stretch. There's some women like Meg Ryan, though, who have all the will in the world.

That was bad plastic surgery. It didn't work out. But she's a different generation. She falls back. Like, she didn't have, like, I guarantee, like, Angelina Jolie has been using some real fancy moisturizer for, like, the last decade. Like, she's using some moisturizer that

if we were talking about $50 to $100 a month for TRT, if you saw her moisturizer budget, you'd be like, too much? Not worth it. Who's the next woman? Is she that Julie from the block? Oh, that's Jennifer Lopez. Jennifer, yeah.

Yeah. I hate her for her rocks. I don't know. I'm still Jenny from the... Yeah, I hate her for her rocks. I don't know. I'm still Jenny from the block. Used to have a little, now I got a lot. Yeah, that lady has aged very well too. Part of it is being Latin. Latino women, they just age better.

Look at Asian women, they age even better. Who's the next one? She looks really pretty to me for 53. Is that Demi Moore? Let me go back. Yeah, that's Demi Moore. You should see Demi Moore's bush back in the day. It will almost make you not think she's as attractive looking at even her hottest pictures.

There's like two pictures I love. You're talking to Woody here. Yeah, you might be surprised at my bush tolerance. Dude. No. Really? I'm surprised at my bush tolerance. Dude! No.

Really? Her butthole is much hairier than... It's as hairy as Taylor's butthole. Oh, I'll take that bet. Um... Your house. Let me show you Demi Moore's butthole. Demi Moore's butthole.

I'm gonna Google her butthole. That delivers me the results I want. Demi Moore's butthole. Images. And here it is. Did you find it? The future is now. This one's a little blurry. I'm gonna try to find a better shot.

It's gonna be embarrassing if I lose. You're so fucking airy, dude. Alright, I'll Google Taylor's. I'm not famous enough for people to care about. They haven't cracked your phone. Nope.

All my butt shots. I thought you found it. I bet you're famous enough for people to Photoshop something together. I wouldn't suggest that to our fans, but just saying. Anything. There's a lot of people who like Photoshop. And most of it's fucking funny. I like it.

I like the fan content stuff. When she posed for penthouse um uh when she was very young but this is like i think for the era this bush is don't need to use bing like why how is it i was gonna suggest being actually what's her name to me more d-e-m-i m-o-o-r-e i i feel like i like it's just not safe for me to join in on the effort. Just to satiate your Demi Moore

lust for the moment while I delve further, there's the bush. I mean, if you told me she was wearing fur underwear to go with that that is a lot of bush I was expecting to see like a regular person who just

didn't do any grooming that takes genetics to achieve that much. Yeah. Here you go. Here's the all-star. Now we're talking. It's like triple checking.

You can kind of see it in my reflection. Wow. Wow. Yeah. And that's groomed, I think. I think she went for that four-inch four inch there's a picture from the rear you can see hair sticking out from the back the by the way if you want to find this it's on slash nude.com um and the the the article uh the title to it is demy moore's's hairy bush pussy is rather scary. Gallery. So imagine working to get a hot girl like Meemore naked only to find yourself lost in a forest of hair.

Yeah, there's no hint of labia in any of these pictures. She is virtually modest by the forest. This isn't even risque at this point. It looks like a merkin. If you've ever seen a merkin in certain Hollywood films, they put a big... If you see a chick in Hollywood who's kind of an actress and they show full frontal nudity,

and you're like, God, what a bush. It's a pussy wig that they glue there. That's what's up with that. Yeah, so she's actually kind of modest behind the fake bush. But that's a real bush that Demi Moore has there. That was something else. That was something else. That is something else. And it makes me wonder,

what does it look like right now? What does Demi Moore's ass crack look like? I shudder to think. Now, if you take away what she's capable of and go towards what it could be, I feel like in terms of a canvas, she could do anything. She could grow a bedazzled

giraffe if she wanted to, right? A lot of women... It could be like a Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia! Right? It could be like... Donald Trump! You know the cave paintings of holding that Lion King? Like, you know, she could reenact that scenario and just, she needs to find like a talented black barber where they do all those like scenes.

Yeah, get my fade just right on my asshole, have my ass hair. Right, but like when I was a kid, it was more common. People used to have like you know ochs like to support their high school or whatever yeah so she could really do something with that bush she could put your name on it when she goes to like her like spa they do the same thing when you go to get your hair cut and they're like all right you want to clip her this or just with scissors like go slower and they're like oh yeah i'm a two near my asshole and a three on the planet. I would almost guarantee that by this point, she has all of that waxed or she has had electrolysis to remove all that. I guarantee Demi Moore's butthole isn't hairy anymore.

If you want to see Demi Moore really defy age, go back to Charlie's Angels and see that, like, before Charlie's Angels, she said she looked herself in the mirror and she looked flabby. It was either that or she said she, like, saw some, like, paparazzi photos of her and she was flabby and she felt terrible about it. And she went into some sort of outrageous workout program. And when she did Charlie's Angels at, like, the age of 40, alongside Cameron Diaz, Lucy Liu, and

Drew Barrymore. Who would have guessed I knew that? Yeah, nice one. Drew Barrymore looked great in that one-piece race like pit crew suit where it just like zips all the way down and she's got lots of cleats. That looked good, but in any case, Demi Moore got into outrageous shape to the point where it's like

I think Demi Moore's hotter than fucking Charlie's Angels are. Like she really stepped things up did a um a stripper movie too when she was older than you expect yeah and she looked great in that oh yeah she's she gets just you know she gets naked she's topless in there i remember when she was promoting the movie she'd go on like letterman and put in a stripper pole and just like start stripping and stuff to promote the movie like really yeah the way all right the way i remember it going down is which was it a gi there was a there was a controversy with gi jane because i the way i remember it is like maybe she was supposed to

be promoting striptease where she's like incredibly sexy a stripper and she's got her fucking head shade for gi jane and she wasn't sexy enough to to like promote the movie or something like that they didn't like that you've seen gi jane i have she wants to be like the first marine like female marine special forces something something like that and she's going through the intent they're kind of stacking the deck against her they do stack the deck against her and she doesn't like it when they're like giving there's like a step for the women where there's this part where you like got to go over a wall and she's like fuck that step and she's like teamwork and

she's like helping her whole team up and then like when it comes time for somebody to reach down and pull her up the guy's like fuck you woman you'll never make it in the seals and like leaves her behind it's like oh shit that's kind of fucked i i had a hard time with her big boobies uh they're so big that like i just feel like it's not that i thought that a woman couldn't do what she was doing it was like i don't think a woman with those big fucking cans can do that like those are really gonna hold you back my knock in in female action films they're very big like um like rousey, for example, is not a good actress, but if you use her just right, she is a very good athlete, you know, and she can like move in a convincing way to me. But we watched another movie where it was like a female John Wick and, uh, you

guys all laughed at me, but like, I saw her jump off a balcony or something. It was like, that just looked really never played a sport to me. So that happens a lot in female action films. It was like, that just looked really never played a sport to me. So that happens a lot in female action films. It's these beautiful models never played a sport. That's where Jennifer Lawrence is better than most. I feel like she's tomboy enough and

moves right to me. I have a hard time... Tomboy enough to pretend to be an archer. Yeah. Did you say you had not seen G.I. Jane Taylor? I have a hard time. Tom Boy enough to pretend to be an archer. Yeah. Did you say you had not seen G.I. Jane, Taylor? I have not seen G.I. Jane. Ah, so it's got Viggo Mortensen in it. He is the guy who's, like, leading the Navy SEALs and training them.

He's, like, training them, and he's super hard on Demi Moore the whole whole time like like super duper hard making things unfair for and there's this part where they like have to uh like get interrogated and he like basically tortures her like beats the shit out of her um and uh and then at the end he like earns her or she earns his respect and uh it's a good movie it's really good i like that quote. I wish I could remember that. Is it James Joyce? Oh, it's that poem. I never saw a bird die for feeling sorry. A bird will die. Let me find it.

Well, there's no way that's it. It's something like I never saw a wild thing feel sorry for itself. A bird will die frozen dead on a branch without ever feeling a bit of self-pity. I'm going to find it. G-I-J-A-N-E. That's more because of neural incapacity than stick-to-itiveness on the part of birds.

I've never seen a wild thing feel sorry for itself. A bird will fall dead frozen from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself. Yeah. will fall dead frozen from a bow without ever having felt sorry for itself. Yeah. Who wrote that? David Herbert Lawrence? I still can't get past this race I'm going to do.

I can't wait to track you online. Yeah, I don't know. We'll see how good. I hope the tracking is as good as I want it to be. Where you can see my progress I might just do the northern route on Friday and try to do the

rest of the U on Saturday and Sunday but we'll see it's yeah I don't know I just want to finish not get hurt and that'll be that'll be a win for me maybe some other like this is my introduction to this thing

maybe in the fall or a year from now i try to win something yeah definitely gonna be a uh another thing for you to do i mean you said you've gone 40 40 50 miles and this is 300 is that it 200 i think it's just shy of 300 that's that's a long fucking way if you told me i had to drive 300 miles tomorrow i'd be like yeah i feel like most of the time i navigate like it's almost by the neighborhood you know like yeah i went out 10 miles and back 10 miles it was a 20 mile flight this is like the state like yeah we're doing a circle around the middle of florida and uh it's it's really on my mind i if they were going to be real hardcore, they'd make you go out to sea and then back. I think they picked the route because like Eric Farewell.

Do a Gattaca style. You just keep going farther and farther out. Let's see until one guy turns back. I think Aviator was involved in it. And he's like, I picked a really safe route. I think he had safety in mind when he chose where people are going. But I don't know. I'm really looking forward to seeing it.

I hope you have fun. I hope you're very safe in this endeavor of yours. I look forward to seeing it. Is that a show? I guess so. All right. Well, thanks to our sponsors. Do we have any outros?

Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah. Thanks to our sponsors, Lyft, Casper, MeUndies, and Texture, as well as ZipRecruiter and Stamps.com. You can check them out in the links down below. You can check out Boogie. Really enjoyed having him on as a guest, as we always do. And go watch Dave Chappelle and Jim Norton's specials. Those were really good.

And that's all I have for this week. Oh, oh, oh. Have you gotten any deeper into Big Love? It lost my passion. Oh, man. I finished it off. And it ends like you want The Sopranos to end. That's interesting.

It's like, I looked at my girlfriend. I was like, is what I think's about to happen about to happen? And then it's like, yep. It's all over. Goddamn. Well, you caught my attention. Then Woody's going to have to go straight from here

to watching Big Love. No, I need to sleep. I'm like 80% packed. Oh, yes. Actually, you definitely need to. Yeah, I've got a 10-hour drive tomorrow. Yeah, so very good. Anyway, I guess that's the show.

Oh, hey, no one will get this because it's the very end. If the description and stuff is not sorted out, like with all the time stamps, have some mercy on me. I might be in the sky racing. I'll do my best. Yes. Very good. PKA, episode 327.