Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #331

Episode Date: April 28, 2017

This week on PKA, laid back with no guest this week, Woody's still outta town. The guys talk about the disgusting Daddy O Five situation, Kyle shows off his latest Japanese Amazon purchase and Woody's motel has a creepy lurker trying to get in.

and we're live pka something or other uh kyle yeah many sponsors tonight texture me undies zip recruiter stamps.com dell.com and uh we'll also be hearing about dawn of war three so uh yeah it should be a good show just the three of us tonight a a very personal, by the fireplace kind of PKA tonight. I like it. I like these sometimes, because they're the ones that go off the rails, right? When there's a guest, especially like certain celeb guests, we try to stay mainstream.

When it's just us, no holds barred. Yeah, I'm more hesitant to talk at length about theoretical animal fights or what we would do if we were in charge of the world when guests are on, because they don't know us well enough to be like, would he really kill everyone in Chicago who's a White Sox fan?

Would he really? Because I don't know. I like that, especially if it's a guest I don't give a shit about. If I really don't care about this person's opinion of me going forward, just don't give a fuck at all. Like I like getting their head a little, making them think we're sociopaths, making them think that we're up for some crazy right-wing shit.

It's fun. Make them think we're sociopaths. Step one to a good podcast is make them think you're sociopathic and unrelatable. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, you want them to feel alienated and like an outsider and just really awkward the whole time. That's how you get good entertainment out of these people. That's what we did to that kid from Iraq for four hours. Kyle's got the best first

topic, but I went to the PKA subreddit and they showed a screenshot. It was a fake Milo, but he was like, I was just distracted by how good looking Kyle was. And I believed it i believed it hook line and sinker like i completely thought that it was the real milo writing all those things no you milo has been now banned from the internet as you know right or has he or just twitter i don't know

i've never done gone to his facebook page if he has a big one he made a video saying that he was like coming back. It might be May 5th or May 18th or something, but next month, Milo is... That makes sense. Oh, Cinco de Milo! Yeah, that's the branding. Apparently, he's going to re-emerge

in a big way. Maybe we can get him on the show again. Mexican gangbang. That's how you do it on Cinco de Milo. Yeah. Kyle, you had something that yeah you know you've been talking a lot recently about scouring amazon for weird shit finding reviewer pictures and you told me a couple days ago something you ordered that's very interesting you've got it with you just touching on like the the amazon reviewers it's a new like thing I've discovered.

There's cam whores everywhere, right? There's ones for Twitter and Facebook and Instagram and Snapchat. There's cam whores for Reddit and actual cam whore sites. Wherever you go, there are women seeking attention for their bodies, and there's nothing wrong with that. Why wouldn't they? I've seen plenty of dudes flexing in the mirror on Instagram. So what I discovered, though, was that I was buying some lingerie for a girl. He follows a lot of accounts, Woody.

Yeah. I was buying some lingerie for a girl, and I scrolled down to the bottom to the user reviews, and I was like, holy shit. Girls are taking their pictures in this random lingerie and posting it down here on Amazon, and I'm just going through all these. Occasionally, you'll find a really hot chick, and she's just going through all these. Occasionally you'll find a really hot chick and she's just into that. She's like, oh yeah, here's a picture of me in these booty shorts and then a picture of me in this crotchless underwear and all kinds of see-through sheer stuff.

They like being almost exhibitionism. I think that's the word. But they're not ready to commit to the next level thing so they're doing crotch shots where they're like, this underwear is far tighter than i was led to believe you can see my pussy lips right through the fabric yeah you get that sometimes the um like you're just you're just trying to pretend that you're reviewing a product

and being nerdy about it i was looking at these like hot pants they're like they're like uh skin tight like synthetic fabric and they're like mirrored to that really shiny, like, club wear, like, pants, and I scroll to the bottom to see if there's any hot chicks wearing these super tight mirrored pants, and then I see that one user has put up every, he had, they have every single color possible of these pants, the entire rainbow, and there's a picture of them, and every single, there's, like, 30 pictures, 30 different colors, and I click and look, and the review goes, There's like 30 pictures, 30 different colors. And I click and look and the, and the review goes, I am a man, but I just love these hot pants.

I got every, and it's just like every single picture of him wearing these hot pants and wearing them around his house. But yeah, other than that, also on Amazon and the related search items, I suppose, when you're looking at weird dudes dressed up in women's club wear, I found Japanese condoms. Like that was a genre. dressed up in women's club wear, I found Japanese condoms. Like that was a genre. It was like, you know, lubricated, studded, ribbed, her pleasure,

and then Japanese. And I was like, what? So I click it. Let's see what Japanese condoms are about. So I ordered these. These are called Zero Fit Ultra Thin Fuji Latex. That seems to be the actual brand. And I ordered them because I wanted to know, what's the difference between a Japanese condom

and a regular condom? And I actually got a regular old-fashioned condom to see if there's any difference from the outside. From the outside, they're about the same, right? Not much of a difference. I thought that the difference was going to be outside they're about the same right like not much of a difference all right standard wet i thought i thought that it was going like the difference was going to be like it would be translucent and have like tentacles on it or like a picture of a girl that is ambiguously young but

you all fucking know that you're it's too young and like that kind of shit where it's almost translucent i can't can you hold it closer i can or yeah, you can show that stuff on YouTube. This is the full length. No, it's not, you liar. No, there's more at the top. You're lying. No, it's not. I'm rolling it. Is that a cap that you put on top of the normal condom? This would be great if you're going to finger bang a chick and you don't want to get anything under your nails. Like that that's the kind of con of this. Maybe you misread it. Maybe it's, you know, zero, you know, fingernail for her. You know?

It's literally four inches. Now we know why. Can you blow it up? Yes, absolutely. I can blow it up. Thank God. Welcome to Painkiller already. I didn't mean just a little bit. I meant, like, you want to pick oh well dude have you seen those condoms you can hold a condom under a faucet now i've never

tried it because i got things to do but i've watched youtube videos where they hold a condom underneath a running faucet like a bath and it it's mind-boggling how much water they will hold before they burst. Like, it's to the point that when it does burst, it does, like, that wave thing where it's like, and it all sloshes out. On a side note, I'm not producing the show tonight, so I can't show videos and stuff,

but I've seen videos where people hold the condom out a moving car window, and it gets, like, 16 feet. I mean, I've seen that,ating, maybe it's 12 feet long, and you could like fit your head in it. And it's just like, it's the coolest thing. I saw that video, and then I was like, I should make that identical video and put it on my channel.

But I wasn't that big a scumbag, so I didn't do it. It's a testament to latex. Do you think this had anything to do with the nuclear strikes back in World War II? Is this what did this to them? You know, if you had taken that condom out and it had some, like, creepy, deformed cartoon girl on it that was a little translucent, then I would say yes. It very well could be that bomb that did something. The penises are small, but the upside of the nuclear after effect is that they have

two of them, so... Now that would be funny. You took the condom out, and there's like a koala. Yeah. It's got room for like a smaller penis on the bottom. And David Attenborough's narrating it. Japanese women have a two-caven vagina, so

men have two-pronged penis much similar to the koala. Watch as the male tentatively approaches in the internet cafe. You know? The Japanese are... That's apparently a real problem in Japan right now is that people just are not feeling

marriage at all. Yeah, they're just not... There's tons of... I don't remember if it's the women who are mostly pissed because they're like, they're just they're just not like there's tons of i don't remember if it's the women who are mostly pissed because they're like none of the guys in our fucking generation are interested and they're all just playing video games and but that doesn't make sense to me because there'd have to be at least like 30 of the guys who are like fuck yeah 70 of you fucks are just gonna play video games all day i'm i'm going out like i got great odds so i don't know how true that is, and I've heard the exact same stuff.

I hear a couple things about Japan. One is that there's this whole generation of men who aren't leaving their rooms. These 20, 30-year-old men who are just in fucking doors, not interested in family or friends. They're working the job because they have that crazy work ethic that we bombed into them, but they're not fucking

for some reason. Maybe it's because they have these tiny penises. Clearly, I hope our Japanese listener group is just going to be decimated tonight because, I mean, this is embarrassing. This is outrageous. It's Kyle. When you were honestly, like when you were describing it, I thought this was going to be funnier. I honestly feel sad. Just a little bit sad.

Like, okay, be honest. Be honest. Did you scout those out beforehand to get the funniest possible result, or did you just see Japanese condoms add to cart? These are not the slim version of Japanese condoms. These are the right down the middle average Japanese condom. I guarantee if I'd looked harder, I'd have found a smaller condom. I like to think that there's some Rick and

Morty alternative universe with three black guys talking about white people condoms in this same way. They're just like, oh, this is sad. White people with their tiny... Maybe so. Maybe so. That could be. And there probably is a disparity there, but

this is the other end of that spectrum. White people, I think, are somewhere in the middle, and the American white man is somewhere on the right end of that spectrum. We're doing just fine. Fucking Europe. South America. Are you looking up stacks? Pricks? No, I don't have to.

Everybody knows this. Have you not seen pornography? Look, you watch enough porn, you get an idea of our – You're using porn as an example. That's hilarious. Of the world. Of course. I watch a lot of German pornography. Those guys are uncut Of course. I watch a lot of German pornography.

Those guys are uncut and hung. I watch a lot of Japanese porn. They don't even let the men get into that. Japanese men don't even... They don't even show genitals, right? They just blur everything out. They blur it. That's actually an after effect of the bombing.

That's what they look like. I bet they save money on Vfx though because like to blur a japanese cock it probably costs you see here the telltale pixelation of japanese genitalia seen only on this one island you know those stories that we're talking about about the japanese men not leaving their homes and and you know clearly their penises are a bit on the small side i'm like could i like slay pussy in japan what could i have like eight girl people are a little racist right against or maybe that's against chinese people because i know chinese japanese do not care for racist against six foot one white dudes that look nice and will take you on a fun date like like like i don't think so very few people on this planet are, I've found.

They're known for that, though. Japanese people are known for thinking that every other race is not as good. I remember there's like an old, is it a parable? Is it a wives' tale? I don't know. Parable, thank you. I learned too much by reading.

Anyway. You put the wrong emphasis on the wrong syllable. Parable, yes. So they said that God was creating people, and they put one in the oven, and he came out, and he was overcooked. So they threw him to Africa, and then they put the next one in the oven, and he came out, and he was undercooked. So he threw him all the way to Europe, and then he put the third one in the oven and they came out and it was just perfect. So they kept them here in Japan. That's like the Japanese for too long in hot water and their cock shrank.

Wait, why? That is that's an interesting. Why was God baking people? Like, you know, like if if I was God, I would not impose on myself little things where I'd be like, all right, now I just need to make sure the Namibians are in the oven for the right amount of time. Oh, shit, the Nords are overdone. Damn it. All right, they'll be fine in Brazil, I suppose. Dump them in.

No, if I were God, I'd just be like, snap and get it done. The Japanese gingerbread man creationist theory. I like it. Yeah, yeah. Gingerbread. Well, that's interesting. We should start ordering other cultural things because I think this is – that's cultural, right? Put this under culture on the YouTube categories.

Culture and education. Because, like, I bought, like, three different sizes of condoms to, like, work it out. And, like, one of the condoms I bought was called sizes of condoms to work it out. One of the condoms I bought was called Titer Fit. It's an American condom, but it was called Titer Fit, which is code for smaller penis. That's so much for the jazz. It's not a good code. No, it's not.

They'll be called Snug Fit or Snug Slip. Yeah, Snug Fit. Snug Slip. Yeah. You know, that rib for her pleasure stuff seems to be total bullshit as far as i can tell i remember it wait what what i said it depends where you put it yeah you put it in her butt she could feel a little better um i i like the rib ones for your pleasure not ribbed but studded the ones that have like every day the ones that have the little studs

all over them and so i don't like those but the rib ones i when i was it was very young very young like i got laid very young but anyway when i was young um i bought these lifestyle condoms and they were ribbed for her pleasure i think it literally said that and i was like cool right suddenly this is going to make me good in bed it did not and uh and she i was like you know how do you like these aren't these cool whatever whatever she couldn't feel them at all and in my head i'm like like does my girlfriend have a defective pussy like what's the scoop on this because because she can't feel these describe the the nodules to me yeah i like the different i i uh i like the different I like the various

different kinds of condoms condoms are interesting they're all terrible if we're all going to be honest about it but if you have to use a condom then you know it does have the benefit of making things last a little bit longer Woody's talked about that before

I've heard Howard Stern talk about that before it has a desensitizing effect that could be good if you're an amateur. It's like going to your favorite restaurant and then realizing that you have to eat the whole meal without hands. So any kind of pleasure is taken away by complete focus on just keeping yourself able to finish the task. It's just they suck. They're the worst. So I totally get the tendency tendency of like you want to use a condom no and of course like you know in some moments you're not going to be like well actually

what if we took this situation that could be a ton of fun and we like instantly like from the get-go cut it that fun in half you know it's still some fun right yeah but it's all you're the end of the day kids stds are real and and very scary it'll make you you'll your dick will rot off i've read they showed us pictures in health class yes so always use condoms unless you want to have good sex that should be on the box not intended for good sex. This is maintenance sex. You never used the lambskin condoms. I have lambskin condoms.

I considered buying them just because I was like, oh, Japanese condoms, that'll be funny for the show. And I almost bought the lambskin ones because I thought that'd be an interesting little, oh, look at this, it's lamb intestine. But no, I haven't ever purchased them. I did use one once. And it was in real fancy packaging. and it disintegrated mid-act.

There was a tear, and it was no more, and we went to a normal condom, and I was grossed out and washed my dick before I put the other one. Do you know why they don't use sheepskin as condoms anymore? No, I don't. It's because we invented rubber and laid them on plastic. Ah, rubber! more? No, I don't. It's because we invented rubber and latex. Ah, rubber! Back in the day, that was the shit. If you were getting laid with that kind of condom, that was like cutting edge

birth control. You would think, oh my word, I can still feel things. But as soon as we found plastics and rubbers, that should have been something that went by the wayside long ago. I actually have expertise in these things. If the girl is allergic to latex, it's still a viable option and uh what if she's a vegetarian then you're screwed or not screwed they uh they stay colder

longer and they don't stretch the same way so that's my feedback on lambskin condoms isn't that bad if they don't stretch because they'll just rip? I didn't have that problem. I mean, you'll never get your head in one. Well, I mean, I'm not going to buy any kind of condom that on the off chance that I'm bored, I can't turn it into an activity. This motherfucker couldn't get his head in a

trash bag. What are you talking about? That's true. I'm like rolling a hefty bag down. I'm taking out that orange grip strip thing to control it so I can get it all the way down. Yeah, there's a Durex and Lifestyle. They both make condoms that are non-latex. It's like poly something or another. We should order – this has nothing to do with condoms, but culture stuff.

We should order snack foods and little trinkets and shit from other countries and try weird stuff. I do that all the time. Upstairs, I've got some energy drink from Korea. It's made by Samsung. I like to order all kinds of weird... Explosive energy, yeah. I order all kinds of weird candies and snacks and treats from Europe and Asia and stuff.

I've got all kinds of Korean candy and Japanese candy. It all sucks. We're the best at it. We are the best at candy. We are also the best, well, second best at body fat. So those two things might go hand in hand. Mexico. Swiss. they're good with chocolates right yeah germans they've got good i like dark chocolate yeah i like dark chocolate

um i like stuff that's like 70 cocoa and higher it's kind of kind of semi-sweet i would want to buy like snacks from somewhere like where i'm not anticipating it being like i don't want to like order something be like my god these cambodian boiled peanuts really are the way to do it like no i want to order like candy from russia and just taste it and be like oh there's poor kids like this is what they think flavor towns like yeah oh my god i got no idea my friend was from ukraine go wafers hammer high school lunch my friend was from yugoslavia in high school back back when Yugoslavia was a thing. And they're like, oh, check these out. These are Yugoslavian treats. And it's like, there's

fucking meat in your candy. It's fucking candy. This is food. It's milk chocolate surrounding small lamb nougat. No, no, no, you can't just put something in there and say it's nougat. Nougat is an established thing. It's a part of the candy canon. you can't just put something in there and say it's nougat nougat is an established thing it's some it's a part of the candy canon you can't just be replacing things willy-nilly like the mormon church yeah ham nougat uh there's a i i'm still convinced like i don't even think

anybody argues this anymore because i used to watch all those shows like uh who's that dude Bourdain who goes around not his show but like there's been a fucking litany of shows like that over the years where they're like oh I'm gonna go to you know uh you know Kazakhstan and then they're like oh this is a great delicacy it's uh camelized sauteed with you know gross little peppers that if you grew them in your garden you'd be like like, ugh, this one doesn't make the cut. That kind of shit. If they had good shit, that would be their delicacy.

Delicacies are only the best shit they can make. The Kazakhstani delicacy, their alcoholic beverage of choice, is fermented mare's milk. I'm almost positive that's true. It's either fermented mare's milk or fermented goat milk. It's something like that. They're fermenting milk. I'm almost positive that's true. It's either fermented mare's milk or fermented goat milk. It's something like that. They're fermenting milk.

Yes. That's an interesting approach to take. Because fermented milk becomes rotten and bad. To the casks, Stan, it's an aphrodisiac. I was teaching my son. So my son,

he's totally into this game. There's jelly beans. Have I talked about this already? Negative. All right. So there's jelly beans. Say, I don't know, there's 12 flavors maybe and six styles, right? So you don't know whether this jelly bean is going to be, say, like lime or lawn clippings, right?

It could be black pepper or like something tasty like grape and every time you roll it it's like rotten eggs or lemon or something and you spin it around and you bite into it and then you find out what you got and he won't stop it's like the harry it's like the Harry Potter jelly beans. Did I freeze? No, I can hear you. I froze, I think. Yeah, Harry Potter had the every flavor jelly beans

that could be like boogers or blueberries. It's funny, the kid will only eat like six or seven things, but he's infatuated with this game. This shit is as strong as wine, and it's made of fermented milk. Can you

imagine how horrible that is? Do you know why this is traditionally drank there? Because nobody could get grapes to grow. Nobody could get grapes to grow. They visited Greece and those places, and they've been like, oh, there's this wonderful drink. It's called wine.

You ferment these grapes. Who's got grapes? And they're like, oh, well, hit the ground with your foot. It's frozen solid, right? No grapes coming here. What do we got? We got a lot of mare's milk for now, I guess. All right, put it in a barrel.

We'll revisit that. We're going to try four other ideas. That's table. And then they couldn't get anything else to grow, so they had to come back to it. Is it literally mare's milk? Is that— Yes, it's fermented mare's milk or cow's milk. You can do either one.

So it's a horse milk. Yeah. That's correct. It's just allow the sucrose to ferment, and you add modified whey. If my milk is one day expired, I throw it out. I don't play games with that shit. I'll smell it.

If it's even a little, like, no. This isn't going a step further. Is it worth ruining my day? No. I'll just have a glass of water and buy some milk. I'm so careful with food poisoning. Like leftovers, they get one and a half days. You get like 36 hours and you're out the door.

Milk, if it's expired, it's expired. I'm not eating that shit. And these guys are like, like you said, putting it in a barrel and waiting a few months till it's just right. I mean, but like, but you have to know, that's why these delicacies are interesting. Because you know that this wasn't stop one on that thought process train.

Like, they didn't go like, we're going with milk. We used to ferment horse cum, but that was awful. It was awful. Barely got you drunk. You had to drink so much horse cum to get drunk. I really don't think we'd be here right now if we had a guest. Oh, probably not. We wouldn't have made it this far so quickly.

But it is, I mean, really we were talking about culture and things until the horse ejaculate was added into the formula. That was what Borat always said. He would always say that the drink the drink of kazakhstan was fermented mayor's piss that's what he was he was going around the world saying that on every talk show there was and so like the government of kazakhstan which isn't some little bullshit country they're like four times the size of texas it's an enormous country it's a former block country yeah it's one of the biggest armies in the world they It's a big country. We just don't fucking talk about them

because they drink fermented mayor's milk or whatever. They're silly. Borat made them look like a bunch of fools. But they were genuinely defensive about Borat and all of his negative publicity that he was shining on Kazakhstan. That was so funny. That was funny because it was a real thing

at the time when that came out that I had to make sure like it was a real thing at the time when that came out i had to like make sure that kazakhstan was a country where i'm like that sounds right but i don't know like i mean they've got a stand at the end so maybe someone slipped one past the goalie here i don't know i don't know i do know it's real now so you know so there's that but yeah it's really if you gave everybody in i don't know the shittiest place in central africa or south america like some obscure tribe if you gave them like a lifetime supply of totino's pizza rolls and like one microwave that would be their new delicacy because they'd be like holy shit this is so much better than ant legs and hoping not to die in the rain from pneumonia. It's a real quick dinner.

The kid in the commercial is happy. We agree with him. Which country are we insulting right now? No, I was – Any four ones. I wasn't even talking about countries. I was talking about tribe people who you would go visit, and they would be like, oh, try this horse foot or whatever they would try and feed you, and you'd have to pretend.

That would be the hardest thing ever, to have to pretend. Black people in the South eat some weird stuff. There's a few delicacies that they eat. I bet people outside of the southern U.S. and definitely outside of the U.S. probably don't even know this. Black people in the South eat something called chitlins. That's how they pronounce it, but it's spelled chitterlings.

Like C-H-I-T-T-E-R-I-N-G. A chitterling. There's an L in there somewhere. But it's fried pig intestine. They gut the pig, take this big pile of pig guts, stick a water hose in one end to blow all the shit out of it, the pig shit.

And then they cut it into pieces, and I think they batter it and fry it. And that's something they like. They also like all kinds of the parts of the pig. What are gizzards? Is gizzards a thing? I think those are chicken necks. They're like chicken gizzards. Yeah, that's what I think.

I was paramotoring in Florida like two weeks ago, three weeks ago. And we went to this random side of the road thing, and there's a line like six people deep, and they're all like, I'm waiting for the gizzards. I'm waiting for the gizzards. I'm waiting for the gizzards. And I'm like, should I be getting gizzards? Gizzards? They're all the rage at this place.

Apparently they've got wonderful gizzards, but we didn't want to wait, so I ate alligator instead. Here's what gizzards are. There's some cooked duck gizzards. It is an organ found in the digestive tract of some animals, including dinosaurs. Why start with dinosaurs? Assholes writing this article.

Obviously we're thinking about chickens and food, including whales and insects. Now just get to what we're reading and uh all right in birds gastropods this is not useful at all it's sometimes referred to as the true stomach in birds so i guess it's uh it's i mean i've never had gizzards i've had chicken liver and i've had chicken heart There's no need to eat that shit The chicken's full of meat Have you ever had chicken liver?

Chicken liver's pretty good I won't eat that shit I'll eat the chicken breast, because that's the good part They eat every part of the pig You can go to the grocery store and there's pickled pig feet Pickled pig feet! They're chopped off pig hooves in a jar of red liquid.

And somewhere there's a guy just like getting them out of there and munching them right out. That's disgusting too. I don't even like when I go to a gas station and I see like Big Joe's pickle pouch or whatever the fuck those things are. And it's like an enormous pickle. I looked at one today. Literally today. I was at a gas station and I picked one up just to see the nutrition information. And it said it was one enormous pickle in this bag and it had, I don't know, 20 ounces of brine in it, it seemed like.

And I looked at the back and it was like calories zero. I'm like, that's interesting. I guess it is a pickle. It's just a lot of vinegar. And it was like sodium, 20 percent of your daily allotment and i was like man that's a lot for one pickle but that can't be right i looked at it serving size in the container nine there were nine servings and so it was zero calories but it was almost two days worth of salt that you're getting what it was and how do you even eat that when you open it like what do you do do you have to like drain it out somewhere do you just open that your car make a mess of it for yourself like it seems like the least fucking convenient thing to eat on the road ever is a big soggy pickle it's not zero calories though they're fucking lying though because i i think that they i think that they can round down

from like 10 calories or something like that if they buy the serving size so if there's nine servings in there and there's five calories in a serving, they probably don't even have to write it. Kyle's right. And that's actually why Tic Tacs can say they are zero calories when they're really just sugar tablets. Yeah. Yeah. Because it's like, well, people only eat one Tic Tac at a time, right? That's how we think people use our products. People don't have habits of just being like, oh, one. Oh, it's gone. I'll do two this time. And then before you know it, you're like shaking it, and it's just like an empty spray paint can with one little Tic Tac going up and down.

I'll buy the orange Tic Tacs, and I eat the entire box in one sitting as I'm driving. Like they're M&Ms or something. They're delicious. And because it says zero calories, you pretend that you didn't just eat like 100, I don't know, 50 calories of candy? Yeah, I've been cutting the candy out. Chiz linked earlier like some Boston cream pie that he was going to make,

like this big fucking like two chocolate pancakes with like cream in the middle and chocolate sauce, like ganache spilled all over the top. And me and Taylor are both like, get the fuck out of here with that. We're both trying to eat healthy, trying to work out, and he's just posting the most delectable, awful, terrible shit.

And it's not even like, oh, make this little cupcake one, and you can have a little treat that's 500 calories and still awful for you, but you can gauge it. He sent you a picture of what the cake boss would make, where it's like when if you would eat even half of that if you had been on like a three-week workout state you have to be like honestly like all of that was for naught like that was nothing that i did i've achieved i'm back i'm behind where i start is when kyle

has sent many a text with equally caloric meals, but it's the timing that's important. Because I was just saying, I'm trying to eat healthy, I'm going to be healthier now, and then Chiz links a big juicy cake. Oh, I didn't realize it was a response. Yes. I think what I had said to someone was like, oh yeah, I got my 30-pound kettlebell today.

Man, that feels heavier than 30 in a dumbbell. That's hard. And then he's like, won't you make a big giant whoopie pie with chocolate and cream? And it's like, fuck, man, that doesn't feel like, that feels heavier than 30, you know, in a dumbbell. That's hard. And then he's like, won't you make a big giant whoopie pie with chocolate and cream? And it's like, fuck, man, I'm trying to eat real chicken and water. After hearing Taylor's story of 35, I was like, should I go 25 or 30? Now hearing Kyle's of 30, this is ridiculous. You guys are lifting very heavy things. I'm going to get 25.

It's heavier than you think. And it's not like half cardio and half building lean muscle with kettlebell shit. As far as the stuff I've read, I'm no expert. But it's not like low reps where you're trying to just get bulky. It's like cardio, too. It's like those kettlebell swings. You're doing like fucking 50 of them or whatever it is. And so it's like really by the end like your heart's beaten you're like out of breath too it's not like one of those traditional like because you know if you would go

to the gym and like squat and bench and do the traditional lifts like you'd be tired but at the end of it you wouldn't be like huffing and puffing for a super long time you know because you recover yeah but i'm i'm liking i'm glad you got it too kyle because you gotta hold it yeah you join in too this is actually perfect i will i just want to explain myself for a second i'm in florida right now going through paramotor school again i'm kind of like sitting in on a beginner class and then we break out and they give me like more intermediate advanced instruction too so i'm spending my day doing strenuous shit, you know, either flying, carrying shit around or kiting,

which is about as hard as pushups. And so anyway, when I get back, I'll do a routine. Right now, I'm just in a hotel room doing paramotor stuff. It should be one of those things where if someone out there watching, and I know there's a lot of you because there's always someone who's putting it off. If you're thinking, if you've been putting it off, like, I'm not going to work out. I'll do it next

week. I'll do it next month. Start it now. Start it with us. Do it with us. And leave if, like, if, you know, a month from now, we start talking and Woody or me or Kyle goes, yeah, I've been real shit the last three weeks. You've got to engage in some shaming tactics in the comments saying,

look at how fat you look. Look at how fat that fatty is. Like, you know, that kind of thing, you know? And then we'll shame you back. If you guys say, I've been slipping up too, and you post a picture somewhere, I'll say, hey, you're looking a little, like a piece of shit.

Oh, that's going to happen. Puffy. A little puffy. Like the fucking YouTube comment section just grossed me. No, they're just going to talk shit about me. It's just going to be me. No, no, no. It's all going little puffy. A little puffy. Of course he will. Like, the YouTube comment section just rubs to me. No, they're just going to talk shit about me. It's just going to be me. No, no, no.

It's all going to be me. They won't, because we're all going to stick to it. We're all going to stick to it. And everybody out there, like, I'm serious. Like, leave comments. Like, getting little accountability buddies, as South Park would put it, for this kind of shit does help. So if you were waiting for that little instigator thing,

like, what's going to get me going with this to eat better, to be a little healthier, start it with us'll be fun so yeah yeah i know that i've done that with bill burr's podcast before where he's like said this is like a couple years ago but he's like i'm so tired of being a big fat fuck and like his the way he says stuff and i was just like yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna do it with bill i'm gonna and because every little week he'd be like i really fucked up had you know couple of whiskeys over the weekend. And I'd be like, ah, I didn't fuck up. I'm better than you or whatever mentality you have.

I'm drinking a Coke during this topic. I feel awful. Yeah. I've been watching that Jocko Willink guy, that former Navy SEAL guy who has a podcast and stuff. And he posts on Twitter every morning at 4.30 a.m. every morning he tweets a picture of his wrist watch in the gym so that you know

that right now Jocko's in the gym at 4.35 fucking getting his workout because it's a long day and he wants to get that out of the way with no rushing him my demeanor about that I think it was you who told me just like wanting to be negative about something like my first reaction was like oh what an arrogant prick letting everybody know that he's up at 4 30

working out and then i would be like like taylor be realistic settle down you fatty like he is like that i can see the use in that like if you if your job is being motivational and shit like that it would help to like if you did sleep in like wake up and be like oh what's his name jaco willing joe jaco didn't didn't call out this morning jaco was there like i can see value in that kind of account that i think about hardcore man you can definitely see it's like an alarm facebook friend the guy's name is ricky lundell and uh he was a very successful wrestler he might have been the best in the country at some point he's a grappling savant now he coaches ufc fighters and he calls himself the one percent man where every single day he wants to improve by one percent he did this montage of his squatting

over the past year so here i am watching ricky squat because I'm totally gay and uh he starts off at like 329 and he's struggling right he's struggling to squat 329 pounds and then you know like whatever it shows it two months later 349 you know and then like 370 but then he's just 429 like just barely 429 and then by the end of the year he has 429 twice and it's like oh my god like i don't really know squat weights but that seems very heavy to me and uh and it's not even the end weight as much that's like motivational as much as you're watching his process and like i don't know it's cool to go back and i read it that i went to is called like progress pictures progress pics where it shows people that's a pretty good one but holy shit it is hard to sift through all the people who look nothing like you to try and find because it's

like five six female 500 pounds to 130 that's going to be interesting pictures so i'm going to look but it doesn't help me 30 yeah that's's not motivating to me. Or it'll be like 6'6", 2", you know, I went from 185 to 195 and shredded! And like that kind of thing. And that's still motivational, but it's like, that's not where I'm at in my stage. I get motivated. Like, I see him go from like,

I'm making up numbers, 300 pounds to 220, right? And they went from like, look at that fat guy, you know you kind of fit into society now and i it's like that's really cool like i'm happy for them it's not obviously they're not models yet but that progress is inspiring no same thing like you can see in the people's pictures how much happier they are because i don't remember which comedian said it but like nobody's ever been like oh are you happier since you lost the weight and been like oh no i'm miserable now i hate myself since i lost that way like everybody's

always like yeah i feel so much better about myself my confidence is up i feel like easier to breathe like i don't get winded when i'm doing shit yeah i'm gonna get on the the workout program for sure i've got something coming up that I need to be in shape for in a month or two months or so. We'll see. Yeah, kind of. And so we'll get that going. Stay motivated.

Got to get my diet fixed. Obviously, you don't want to talk about it, so I'll just do it on your behalf. What could kind of be a photo shoot that Kyle doesn't want to talk about that might end up on porn hub amateur porn well no it wouldn't be amateur because he's getting paid so yes yes well i mean they still call an amateur if i understand the genre right um that'll be really hopefully that comes to fruition that would be neat yeah

i uh yeah i lost your video woody oh well i know how to fix that yeah i typed into the chat what i'm doing in case you're curious woody um i didn't know me not being able to see you meant that nobody could because if it's just me it's fine like i couldn't but yeah that would be really cool if you could end up doing that but obviously you shouldn't talk anymore yeah i won't spoil it just yet it's a little fun thing we might do we'll see um where do you want to go from here yeah i think both of you had interesting topics that you had i just i wanted to get that japanese condom thing out right out of the gate because that's been tickling my phony bone all week thinking about Japanese guys. Yeah, and we should get more suggestions from people about what interesting shit from around the world that's obviously very cheap that we could order off Amazon and get.

The budget for the show, for some reason, is $9.99 and under. the show for some reason is $9.99 and under. That's not necessarily true, but if there's something... I think condoms from around the world might be interesting. Maybe order some Chinese condoms, some Russian condoms, some African... Oh, wait, they don't have condoms. I was watching West Wing, and they were talking about there's this president from Africa who comes over to bargain with the president

and he's talking about AIDS aid for his country and they get down to the bottom of it and these guys who were cutting the money flow off to them and he's like look, the drugs cost this much, you have to take 15 pills a day, every hour and 20 minutes, you have to take a pill.

And the White House staff is like, well, what's the problem? Why can't we just get the money there? He's like, because they can't tell time and they don't own watches. And the African president just looks so ashamed. It's like, yeah, I don't know what fucking time it is. They can't. Oh, it's time to take another one. It doesn't work.

It doesn't work. Send a few of those like Nickelodeon, Nickelodeon nightlights from the 90s over there with the Gak on it. Yeah, there's probably a ton of leftover ones of those. It'll play a cool Rugrats theme song to remind them to take their pills. So many solutions to this problem. Remember Tommy?

He was the main kid. I remember Tommy. And Phil and Lil and Angelica. Angelica. And Chucky and then as I was getting to the age to not watch that show anymore, they started adding a bunch of other characters. I don't remember any of their names, but they started throwing in other ones.

Rugrats was more adult than you might remember. There were sex jokes in Rugrats. They put some stuff in there for the adults too, but we were, of course, very young when that was on. Same with pretty much all of those Disney and Nickelodeon shows. I'm trying to think of, SpongeBob had quite a few. It's not really a kid's show strictly, but did you ever watch Rocco's Modern Life as a kid? That's adult too, yeah. They definitely had some, they didn't try as hard to hide the adult jokes in Rocco's Modern Life. That was a good show as a kid. Beavis and Butthead, that wasn't really a kid show.

No. MTV was literally pushing the boundaries for that show. I didn't like that. I hated Beavis and Butthead. Yeah, even as a kid, I was like, this is too juvenile for me. Like I'm 13 or 14, and I don't sit around going, eh, eh a kid, I was like, this is too juvenile for me. Like, I'm 13 or 14, and I don't sit around going,

like, just laughing and talking about buttholes. Dude, the way that their voices sound, like, you know there's some shows, or some people even, like, where you hear the voice, and viscerally it bothers you, where, like, you can't even sit through it. Like, that's yes, you're doing a good impression of it, but that's the worst. Like, I can't sit and listen

to the Beavis and Butthead voices. They're fucking insufferably bad. They're awful. Mike Judge went on and did some much better stuff. King of the Hill was much better than that. I didn't like Beavis and Butthead. I thought Ren and Stimpy was the real shitty cartoon of its day.

It was weird. It was very odd. It grossed me out as a kid. There was so much eyeballs dangling and so much boo dripping out of boogers and all kinds of cool stuff. I liked Pinky and the Brain back in the day. I still remember the theme today.

Pinky and the Brain, the Pinky and the Brain. One is a genius, the other's insane. The laboratory mice. I like that. I still give their answer if someone says, what are we going to do today? It's like, same thing we do every day. Try to take

over the world. Good show. Those were good shows. I wonder if shows are... You know when you hang around people with kids now, you realize and you see their toys, you realize there's a whole new wave of toys you realize there's like a whole new wave of like like nobody even thinks about ninja turtles as much anymore like they did that movie

but nobody gave a fuck uh they're power rangers they're bringing that back i always put power rangers a couple levels of interest below ninja turtles frankly it looks like the new power rangers is good i like it when they do this when they take some shitty thing like to me batman back in the adam west days with the dad bod guy playing batman and joker with the makeup stupid and then the first round of batman movies pretty stupid right like we're good because first we're good um you know you've got black blood coming out of the penguin's mouth, lots of murder and death. And then, of course, it got out of – what's his name? It's Johnny Depp's favorite director.

What's that guy's name? Tim Burton, maybe. Tim Burton made the first two. And then after that, they went to these kid fucking things. The one with Schwarzenegger? Yeah. Oh, my God. Right?

And then suddenly Batman got up there with the best movies ever made right like like um the one with heath ledger like it beat the godfather in like imdb rankings i don't know if it's still above it but it's a very very good movie and uh i like it when they do that i'm told power rangers is coming back as like a dark good action movie i don't believe it i'll believe it when i see it if they try and make it dark, it's going to be ridiculous because my biggest memory of the Power Rangers watching it,

and I only watched the first part when it was the original ones, was when they'd all be standing there getting ready to fight, and whoever the fuck it was would call in on all those clay people, whatever they were called. You remember, like, oh, what?

I'm looking this up because it's going to drive me fucking crazy. I'll get it. I'll get it. The something troopers, the Koopa Troop, no. The Koopa Troop. It's, they're the fucking, ah, I was just thinking about this the other night because I rewatched

that Suicide Squad and the bad guys in that. Putty Patrolers. The Putty Patrolers. I was thinking Clay Creeps. Because they were, like, made out of putty patrollers! I was thinking clay creeps. Because they were like made out of putty. Yeah, they were basically like, so they'd be like putty patrollers and they'd like all come in and they're just the least intimidating monsters

ever and none of them do anything other than like spastically move. They don't have to be close to their opponents at all. They just start moving because I assume the actors in those suits didn't have eye holes and so they're just moving around and they would just walk over. And even at the time, it was like, I'm I'm nine and I'm a little mature for this. This this sort of combat.

You're basically standing there doing kata at no one. They're just like fucking like they'll throw a sidekick. And it was it was bad. But but when I got into Power Rangers, I watched the debut of the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers when I was six years old. So it was brand new. There weren't all those reboots and remakes. It was a big deal when I was a kid. We were all into it.

We would like hang out and like I'm the Blue Ranger. Or there isn't a Blue. I'm the Red Ranger. There would be a Black Ranger. There's always a Black kid who would be our Black Ranger. and you know i never got to be the red ranger that was chad until chad did a flip off the the the uh the slide stand and bit his tongue half into nice so there's a new red ranger in town well i was the green ranger and i got to step up to the plate as it were when chad bit his tongue did your your Pink Ranger also get into porn as an adult?

I can't confirm that, but I just I'm not sure. Who's Pink Ranger got into porn? The original. Oh, that's something I don't want to know. Oh, no, it's good to know. It's valuable info. Like Zed banging her from behind with her half uniform on and the helmet on. Oh, no, the putty patrol.

Watching, crying or something. That'd be great. Oh, a putty patrol gangbang. That's what they should have done. They're all just moving spastically. Yeah. They're not even quite having sex. It's just a lot of movement. Yeah. They're not even quite having sex.

It's just a lot of movement. There's this Japanese porn genre now, which is like, it's like a girl walking down the street or sitting on a couch, very pretty, like fully dressed, maybe wearing a skirt. And then a naked Japanese man appears from nowhere and is sprinting at her full speed

and like tackles her and rips her panties off and fucks her and she's kind of resisting but she's laughing the whole time it's kind of like is this a is this one video you saw or is this a genre yes i saw one where she's walking down the street and out of nowhere comes a sprinting naked man and she's like and she runs a little and he like tackles her and rips her panties off and just immediately shoves his cock in like like instantly and then the other one the chick's sitting on a couch and he comes up from behind the couch fully naked grabs her and like panties off and like cock in like it like it's a whole genre of like surprise

quasi-rape porn so they're're just, like, in public, and just with no explanation, naked men just start sprinting at them. Yeah, yeah. Like, a fully naked man with a hard-on sprints at them and fucks them as fast as he possibly can. It's a little weirder, maybe not so much,

than that kind we already talked about, where you've got the invisible man fucking the chick's mouths and stuff. A guy will wear this fully head-to-toe bodysuit. It'll be white, opaque, and you're supposed to think, okay, that's invisible man. He's wearing the big white suit,

so now he's invisible. Just get that in your head. And there'll be eight busty Japanese chicks in a sauna sitting with like tits out like splashing water on themselves and then he kind of meanders up with a hard-on and like sticks his dick in one's mouth and everybody's looking at her like why are you good like she's got her mouth open receiving the cock and everybody else can't see the cock and they're just looking at her and like wondering why she's moaning and stuff and then he kind of makes the rounds through

the room and fucks everybody a different way. But do they slowly start to put the pieces together, right? The chick's getting fucked. It's like they're so confused that they're just like, I guess I'll just continue to take this invisible dick. Ghost fuck one of my friends in the mouth once. Shame on me.

Ghost fuck one of my friends in the mouth twice. Shame on you. You know? How did they not figure it out? Oh, my God. Or whatever. I don't know. The point is we're not going to get fooled again. Do you remember that original quote?

George Bush is like, there's no saying in Tennessee. Or I don't know if they got it in Tennessee, but we got it in Texas. And it goes a little something like this. It's like, wow, you started off in shambles from the very start. Get your thoughts collected before you flow into this, man. That's a very interesting genre. Because you have to... Honestly, the invisible one is weirder than the sprinting naked one, I think.

Yeah, I think it's a little bizarre. And there's lots of examples of it. I've seen so many of those. They call it like phantasm fuck or something. I don't know. I've seen it a bunch of times recreated. And it's always something similar. The way that they like give you the visual cue that the man is invisible is this, like I said, a full body suit that's like clingy and tight like green man um but it's white you know and he just fucks the chicks with his pixelated penis it's good stuff japanese pornography is the worst yeah it doesn't sound like good stuff they're blurring out like the business end and you're to see like the hardcore of every country. In German porn, I've found that the most hardcore stuff is often pain. It's often BDSM, and they're using nettles, which is some sort of stinging plant with spikes on it. They're cramming those in assholes, and they'll take a toilet bowl brush, the bristly thing, and they'll put that in a pussy.

Oh, jeez, why? Who's winning that transaction? Everybody involved. It seemed like everybody was enjoying themselves. So German porn— If you're going to pick an aggressive implement like that, why the toilet brush? Because it's already got bad connotations. Well, I think because it's so bristly and uncomfortable going in.

And in the Japanese porn, I see like they've got the animated stuff with the tentacles and such, but then there's a very rapey side to all their sex in their porn. There seems to be like all the women are always making noises like some little kid being raped or something.

It's a little unsettling. And there's always like some chick holding her eyelids open so they can pour a vessel of cum into it. A vessel? It's very unresponsive. It's like a whole bedpan

of cum. And it's like, don't blink! Don't blink or you don't get paid! And they're just like, ahhh! Taking this liter of cum to the eyeball. And there's some guy out there going like yeah get it on that bitch's cornea get it on her cornea like who's into that who wants to come on her eye now you're being judgy i mean it's if these are all genres then that means a lot of

people are watching this oh i on pornhub they have a panda genre. I was like, panda? Seriously? And there's not very many videos, maybe 12, and they're all literally people dressed up as pandas having sex. That's even dumber than what I thought it was going to be. I thought it was going to be just pandas having sex.

That's me. I cornered the market on that shit. Nice take. I have a fucking genre now. It's me. I cornered the market on that shit. Nice take. Yeah, Kyle's a panda boy lover. I have a fucking genre now. It's panda fucking. The hard part is getting a panda in a panda suit.

I have a... Is this topic at a dead end, or do we just keep going with it? We'll end up revisiting this. He's got panda fucking, but yeah, I think you both had topics that you wanted to go to uh i mean i i've got topics taylor if you'd like to do yours i'm happy to you can go ahead buddy i'll jump in with another one uh all right well here's the thing um these two people they were like not serious they're both doctors medical doctors literally

and uh the woman blew the guy he thought that the relationship ended there but instead she kept the cum and she put in her pussy and she got pregnant and had his baby both of them agree that this is how the baby was born right it's not like they also had sex or whatever yeah this is so that's just fact she blew him save the cum and that's it well then she went after him for child support because it's his kid first lost you yeah we lost you for a second back up for a second oh i'm sorry uh we lost you so that she went after him for child support because it's his kid shucks okay so i think it's working right now and uh it went through court and then appeals court and apparently the deal is that when you blow your load in a woman's mouth, there is a transfer of title and it becomes her cum. And she can impregnate herself and you are liable for child support.

So this guy has to pay – I think it was $800 a month until the kid is 18 because that's how it went that's because some horrible devil woman entrapped him that's that's honestly fucking awful like how much of a selfish piece of shit do you have to be to be like not only am i gonna you know trap this guy into paying you know it's not even like we had sex like i blew him and then sprinted off to the bathroom and put it in my cryogenic cum chamber whatever the fuck she did like and then also thinking off to the bathroom and put it in my cryogenic cum chamber, whatever the fuck she did. Like and then also thinking like, oh, but, you know, it's also totally not incredibly selfish for me to do this to a kid. Just be like, let's put them in this situation. How was I born, mommy?

Well, sit down, because this is going to be an upsetting tale. I was this guy that I've never introduced you to. And then I kept his semen and impregnated myself. It was a huge court battle. Thankfully, you set a precedent. That's why your name is Bill. And it's like, oh, woo-hoo. And for the first 10 years of your life, your father fought hard to get out of it.

You know? Yeah. But, and, like, so the guy gets a girl pregnant through traditional means, he's not really deserving of our sympathy, according to me, right? You know, he knew the game he was playing these are the risks that we take but if she blows you i think you were acting responsibly it was really this devil woman who was yeah it was he was acting responsibly he was doing an activity where there's zero percent chance anyone's going to get pregnant i'm true yeah well i mean unless unless there is foul play,

then I mean, like, yeah. Well, that makes you think, doesn't it? You better start shooting those loads somewhere else, fellas. Get that shit all in her hair, and you won't be dealing with this. Or you just do what you do with, like, dogs and pills, and you pinch their nose and mouth, and it just makes you...

Get it down! Get it down! You're not walking to the yes. Why did you wrap the tip of your cock in cheese? Taylor said it would help. Come here. You get it right? Put some peanut butter on her mouth. Stick the peanut butter, slide it under her teeth like the dogs until she has to work it out.

You shut your fucking fucks, man. Like imagine if we could rub some pussy juice on her knee and all of a sudden they would owe us hundreds of thousands of dollars. It just wouldn't fly. It just wouldn't fly. You wouldn't be like, well, when she wasn't looking your honor, I took a pussy juice and rubbed it on my knee. On your knee? Are you crazy? Don't you know what happens when you rub pussy juice on your knee? Yes, I created another human being and now she has to pay for it. Well, I guess. All right. That's so fucked. That's such a Dumbledore

bullshit. Well, you've broken all the rules and endangered all of your classmates. And for that, I give you child support for the rest of your days. You know? No, you don't deserve that. You deserve a Scarlet Letter that says, I'm sneaky. You know? Don't trust me.

I'll screw you over for the first chance. That's what her Scarlet Letter should say. Scarlet sentence, more like. When I first heard of the Scarlet Letter should say. It's a Scarlet sentence, more like. Yeah. When I first heard of the Scarlet Letter, I thought that it was really rough. You know, like, oh my God,

she has to sew that onto her clothes. Whatever. Like, in a situation like this, a Scarlet tattoo or branding would be more appropriate. Yeah, that's also way more intense. Yeah, Scarlet tattoo or branding. The iron. What was the Scarlet Letter? What was she punished for?

I remember it was an old-timey book. I think it's A. Oh, yeah, A for adultery. There we go. Should have remembered that. That, uh, yeah, she that was a rough punishment to walk around. It's just a scarlet letter because you know there weren't very many people in the town.

Exactly, and there weren't very many other towns. It's not like nowadays, you know, let's say you're going to school and all the guys think you're a whore. It's like, well, fucking move 30 minutes away and nobody will know. Like back then, there just wasn't any 30 minutes away. Everybody just knew now. Everybody just knew.

In high school, our main rival was Mainland. Mainland High School. And for whatever reason, we would always chant, Mainland girls are easy. And the faculty really did not think that was funny. And they were probably like, yeah, we know. It's awesome.

We're having a great time over here. It'd be funny if they chanted back, like, ocean-sized guys have little dicks. Like, we know know they're throwing zero condoms at you yeah high school rivalries are silly um was it a serious did you have any serious high school rivalries between the teams was there any like stealing of mascots or statues or any any desecration of like, trees or fields and such. There were two high schools that we'd get extra hyped up for,

but we couldn't compete with Hollywood. I mean, we never stole their goat and shaved our letters into it or anything like that. They didn't have a goat, you know? That wasn't a thing. There was no big, like, bronze bowl that we could dress or steal or decapitate. It was just a brick building, and so

was ours. We totally could have used Roundup to write OCHS or something. It's so expensive. You get caught doing that as a kid. I've seen time and time again, whenever teenagers mess up lawns or golf courses, they get hit with those

charges, and it's always tens of thousands of dollars, something terrible. I remember some guys went off on a golf course with ATVs and did some donuts, and they're like, oh, well, all that's got to be re-turfed. It's like $35,000 of damage. It's like, fuck, that's life-fucking kind of debt

you're laying on this 17-year-old. It's a big deal. I don't know if i've ever if i mentioned it on pka this is this happened a couple i had friends in a couple years below me in high school and they had a senior prank where my grade we didn't do shit for a senior prank like it was almost like everybody was on the same page where it was like are we allowed to go are we allowed to go are we allowed to go yes we're done all right see you boom and everybody just left and this class it wasn't even a lot of them it was a group of guys they went into the school at uh you know the same time that

one fucking instagram guy's working out and went into the library and stacked up all of the chairs on top of the tables and knocked a bunch of books down and then put all the books in the wrong places and did stuff that was like... And I mean, when you're using the fucking Dewey Decimal System, that takes a while to get those things fixed. So they took out some of those cards and fucked with them and just were rabble-rousers, like piled up a ton of...

No, that's not what they did. They didn't put the chairs on top of the table. They piled up every ton of... No, that's not what they did. They didn't put the chairs on top of the table. They piled up every single library table and chairs in front of the only entrance to the library like it was a, you know, Walking Dead scenario to try and, you know, blockade it.

And this old-ass librarian came in that morning, and she was so distraught that she just, like, collapsed weeping. Like like collapsed weeping like collapsed weeping over the state of this library and it was not at all the tone that the prank was going for and so instead of it being like oh you've wrapped scallions it was like like all the teachers are comforting this lady

and and they yeah they got in a lot of trouble and they had to volunteer in the library for like a couple of weeks after they graduated, which doesn't seem like you are even allowed to do that because that's just stealing labor from children, right? Like, or not children technically, but whatever. I thought that was a little bit mean spirited, but most of them were good.

Did you guys have any- I didn't predict how she was going to react. Did what? Well, as Taylor was laying out what they did, I'm like, that's not even a prank. of them did you guys predict how she was going to react did what uh well i i went as taylor was laying out what they did i'm like that's not even a prank that's just vandalism like they didn't strike me as funny i i i wouldn't have predicted that people would be like a good one from what i was what was relayed to me of the group that was there like eight nine guys some of them were were more in the pranky mood of like let's pile all this stuff up and it's going to take forever for him to move

the tables back and other people were in the fuck this bitch i'm outtie you know mode where they're just like ruining the dewey decimal system and hiding books behind other books and uh and that thing but it i mean it wasn't a great library before. Hiding books and messing up the order must have been so shitty. Do you remember when the book fair would come to elementary school and they would have all those books laid out on tables and you could go pick out the books you wanted and then you had to write it down and your parents would order them

and then they would come? I would hide those books that were for sale in the library. I'd be like, oh, I love that book. I'm going to buy it, though. I could just stick it here in the library and come back later and it'll still be here. And that's just how it worked. You just took those for sale books

and put them with the for borrow books and later on it'd still be there and there you go we mentioned for free we mentioned seniors my daughter is about to graduate like in two months month and a half something like that it's kind of blowing me away this is like the end of her childhood you know and then childhood ends kind of gradually but you know like you're out of high school at this point holy smokes you're a little anxious about it like in the back of your head is there part of you that still thinks like oh it's not really coming like that like a little bit it's weird because like i have been kind of setting this up since she was like zero you know since she was zero i've been gradually like preparing her for getting out

on her own like it's it i've had like i have things that i tell her to like just make sure that she's equipped for the real world and and we've been like increasing her responsibilities and freedoms and like until it's like she just went to disney world like with a class trip or something and had no rules or whatever like she's she's ready but uh i don't know i i can't put it into words quite so well she's about to wrap up high school and then like two months after that go away to college and that's uh shit yeah isn't she like 12? How did that happen? And then after that, it'll be like she's a real live adult. The interesting thing, so I went to this we went to these things

like when your kid gets accepted to college, they do another school tour. But this one has a different vibe about it. And they split up the kids and the parents and some of the other parents were describing what the first Christmas is like. You know, the kid comes back and uh like these parents anyway they had an easy enough time letting the kid away in the fall and you know because they had been like mentally preparing for it for 18 years and then they get them back for christmas break for like

two months like it's pretty long christmas break and they didn't realize like they really like that and they're like do we really have to do this like you know it was just like old times you did like now we're gonna lose the kid all over again they didn't realize that second semester was a whole nother thing like when they left that summertime and in my head my wife has always been the one with like the tighter reins and i'm i'm interested in how this will go especially that christmas like when hope comes back will she have some sort of curfew right she's been off at college for whatever four months five months and anyway yeah hope grew up yeah at that pointew, you can't even really do it. Because it would just, you know, if you're like, you have a curfew as a college student.

All it's going to do is make her be like, oh, yeah, well, I'm going to get back to fucking school and then no curfew. I'll stay out late out of spite. Like, just because you can't stop me. Absolutely. Yeah, I don't know. That is interesting. Somehow that little 12-year-old who did microwave videos with me is no longer a child. Yeah, that is crazy that that all,

like a third of her childhood has occurred on your YouTube phase. Yeah, right? And you didn't manage to completely warp her or abuse her the whole time for money. Let's talk about that YouTube channel, the one that did those things. Daddy O5. Daddy O5, right?

Let me lay out what I know about Daddy O5, and then I want you to fill in the rest. So I was alerted to this the other day. The first video I saw from these guys was they get some fake, like disappearing ink. So you pour it on the floor, and it looks like you've ruined your carpet.

And then 10 minutes later, I guess, it just goes away. And they pour this shit all over the little boy's room. He looks like he's like eight, nine. And then the mom starts screaming and cursing this fat cunt of a woman whose... The tone of her voice was instantly recognizable

as, oh, this is what a fat cunt sounds like. Before the camera got upstairs to the fat cunt, I knew she was a fat cunt. And then they got upstairs and I was like, told you, fat cunt. And she's screaming and cursing at this child, like, what did you do to the floor? What did you do to the floor?

And this kid is like red-faced, like, I swear to God I didn't do this. Screaming. Screaming. Like he's being accused of witchcraft and the fucking Spanish Inquisition is railing down upon him and his dad's like you did this I know you did and all the other kids are like oh fuck Billy's Billy's a goner and then like okay and like multiple videos where they basically just scream at their kids and through the they pretend like they're pranking them but they're just abusing children

for views and there's a lot of moments that seem really physical abuse yeah there's physical i saw a video where he was having the children slap each other they were like they were playing a flip bottle game so you take a an empty uh like water bottle or something and you like flip it everybody's familiar with that and you try you're trying to get it to land upright and he's like if it doesn't land upright your brother or sister gets to slap you and so they start playing and the brother slaps the sister like full-on really fucking hard in the face because she doesn't land the bottle and then another time one of the kids is sitting there not wanting to like go along with whatever crazy shit they want to film and he's like do i need to turn this camera off do i need to turn the camera off and then the camera stops

for a second and then now the kid's doing what he wants him to do now the kid's got an arm brace on yeah so god and what's even worse about it is oh go ahead well the internet saw this and it came to the attention of more than just their three quarters of a million subs who are of course defending them because they're sycophants and now people are like this is fucking child abuse and the guy has deleted privated, demonetized everything seems like

they're going to be in some fucking trouble because of course it's the internet and we've all got copies it amps up so oddly too I watched the video you're talking about I only watched the one with the invisible ink but it starts out with the invisible ink. But it starts out with, like, the big fat lady being like, all right, we're going to go prank Cody,

and it's going to be so funny. We're going to dump this on his floor, and then we're going to pretend like he ruined his carpet. It's going to be great. And I'm like, okay, that's kind of lame, but whatever. We'll see where it goes from here. And immediately, the next shot is just the husband at the bottom of the stairs. And that fat cunt voice, as Kyle so eloquently put it, is shrieking from upstairs, like aggressively screaming at a kid to the point that like, if you were a kid being screamed at like that, of course you're going to be scared.

And like, cause you, you, you don't have any perspective. You don't really, you're not really separating what's happening there from what's going to happen after the camera's turned off. You don't know that daddy's playing a character, which he apparently isn't. Apparently they're both just shitty and bullying their children for internet money. He's going around privating his videos and demonetizing them. That's exactly what he was doing. Now he's cast himself as the victim in this thing, right? The internet's after him, and he hasn't done anything wrong but you know try to to pull the train in

this family and philip defranco he blamed him in particular and he's like i am as responsible as a security camera and it was like yeah that was a really good you know yeah that's right yeah just because i happened to see it and be like oh this is actually really horrible like it's surprising it's gotten... Yeah, that's fucked. You have to believe that those are the worst examples because it is a big channel that's been around for a long time. And you'd think if it was just like, Tuesday vlog, I push Cody down the stairs. You'd think that would get taken down.

But I don't know. The prank channels are getting a little out of control because now it's just berating your children, right? There's no prank. Yeah, their channel is a little out of control because now it's just berating your children, right? Like there's no prank. Yeah, their channel is a little sick because it's children, you know? And like with adults, you know, even if it's kind of a sick prank or something that you wouldn't care for, you know, that you're telling them their loved one is dead or one that I really don't care for. And maybe I'm alone in this is when they make someone believe they've won the lottery. It's like that's a little fucked, right?

Don't make me think I won $15 million. I'm going to start making some very embarrassing phone calls if you do. Let's just stay grounded here. I didn't care for that video. I hope those people get into legal trouble and lose their children. That's where the internet's after.

Everyone thinks that they should lose their children. And personally, I feel like they need some counseling. That's where I am on this thing. The parents clearly need some coaching on how to be better parents, and maybe the family needs some counseling on how to work together. But taking kids from parents is a pretty extreme measure you know breaking up that family uh quite likely i think two of those kids aren't even his

right yeah there's some step kids yeah yeah so there's that aspect of it and i think there's an there's a part i read that there was a part where one of the kids says something like i want to go back to my real mommy or some shit like that. You know what I mean? Like, I don't like the way that shit looks at all. And I don't like, I don't like children crying for entertainment. Like you're, you're making the kid cry. You're traumatizing that kid.

That kid doesn't have a concept of like, you could play a prank on me to the point where I cried and I'd fully fucking recover, man. You could make me think my family just died. You could be like, you could do like, you know, put my dad in a truck and then roll a fake truck off a cliff and be like, your dad died. And I'd cry. I'd be like, ah.

And then you'd be like, and my dad would hop out. And I'd be like, oh, you got me so fucking good. And I won't have nightmares next week or when I'm 45. But this kid might. Cody might be ruined. Cody might be pissing his bed until he's 35. Like, we don't know. Cody might be pissing his bed till he's 35 Like we don't know

And like the thing about the prank is like If someone comes up to you on the street And is like oh hold on to this briefcase You know cause I'm pretending it's a bomb for a prank You could be like yeah fuck you I don't fucking know you I'm not playing your game get the fuck out of here Like if it's your If you're a kid and it's your dad and mom

Telling you you're gonna do this prank You're gonna do it the way we say it And if you don't I'm gonna make you slap your siblings And I'm gonna push you on the ground Like you don prank. You're going to do it the way we say it. And if you don't, I'm going to make you slap your siblings and I'm going to push you on the ground. Like you don't even have a way to get out. It's not a prank. It's you're just being held hostage in their game. Like, because you know, it's not a prank.

You know, by now their pranks are just scaring you and making you think you did something wrong. Like that is such a horrible thing to do to a kid. You're going to give them like an anxiety disorder or something. You're going to make him constantly be on edge. They said that whenever the father tried to touch one of the kid's faces, the kids would flinch

because they didn't trust him so much. They'd been fucked over so many times. All for the sake of a joke or a prank or a gag on the internet to get 8,000 more views or 80,000 more views or whatever it may be. I have a dog that flinches and I never hit that fucking dog. Somebody else

might have though. Have you had him since birth? No. That's what it is. Somebody else hit him. We've had a couple dogs that are like that. It's really sad. When my dad first got his jack rat terrier, it was already two, three years old and had spent most of its life in this kennel with a concrete floor with like big dog

neighbors that were like taking its food and shit. So like it would walk up to a water bowl and be kind of confused as to what it was because it had some shitty water bowl that didn't look like a regular one i don't i don't know what but you put your finger in and go like stir the water to show that it was liquid and he'd be like fuck and run away like like that was enough to terrify him it took a long time before that dog wasn't super skittish and buddies i think buddies retarded or something. He's just mentally deficient, genuinely. He's always scared of everything.

He did live a tough life before we got him, but dude, we've had him for like 10 years. You'd think he'd catch on by now. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. It's that early trauma trauma that formative trauma where your brain is fucking writing itself

and programming itself and figuring out what things are dangerous and which things are safe and who we love and who we hate and if you're traumatizing that thing or that person at that early time God knows what you're doing to it's fucking brain not on a chemical level but on like a physical hardware kind of level

you might be forging some weird connections in there. Not cool. Also just interpersonal relationships that you're going to be sabotaging. Like what are you doing for the trust you're having? Yeah. What are you doing for the trust bond between you and your kids? Where if your kid, you know, it feels like, oh man, I had a real rough day at school. I was getting bullied. And you know, I did bad on my math test or whatever the fuck. I'm going to go talk to my dad about it. And then you're like, oh, dad, you know, oh, hold on. Get the camera. Tell this to the camera, you humiliated little loser or like whatever nonsense that asshole would say.

Like you wouldn't feel comfortable in any situation. The kid smeared his own poop on the walls. That kid's having a hard time, man. If you are resorting, that's last resort for a kid. Yeah, that sounds like some sort of defense response or something. I know of a girl who was molested by her father a lot growing up, and she stopped bathing to make herself so gross that he wouldn't rape her. And that didn't stop with adulthood.

Now she just doesn't bathe, and she's a gross person all the time because it's like some sort of trauma and it would freak her out to be a clean person. She feels safe when she's dirty. Like child abuse is no joke. It's really fucked with those people. He's never going to be able to enjoy a genuine invisible ink prank.

He'll be 30 years from now. He'll be at like some future circus and a clown will hit him with one of those flowers of ink and he'll just shit himself right there. Just right there in the future circus. Or just lose it. With the robo-elephants. Start screaming, I'm done with your pranks!

I think that's how we know the internet pranks have gone too far. Did we talk about the Facebook killer getting caught and then killing himself on PKN? Yes, we talked about him and how he definitely finished his McNuggets. Oh, he definitely finished those off. I went to Wendy's the other day. They got a new sauce. It's called Signature Sauce, and it is shit. So just avoid that entire thing.

Thanks for the warning. What is it? Is it ketchup mixed with something else, or is it mayo mixed with something else? That's what all of them are. It's orange. It tastes like they mixed barbecue and honey mustard or something. It's shit.

It is not Szechuan sauce. It is not anything tasty at all. Yeah, I didn't know I wanted to try Szechuan sauce from McDonald's until he brought it up, and now I want to do it just to be part of the fun, because I didn't get to try the Moulin game out. $14,000 on eBay? Yeah. What? No. I have to imagine

that the buyer won't come up with the cash, but yeah, they sold Szechuan sauce on eBay, and it went for $14,000 or $17,000, something like that. I got plenty of cash, buddy. No problem. What dollars do you want for it? I'll pay anything.

You're going to shove them way up inside your ass, Morty. 60,000 space dollars. All these S1 sauces. It's a fortune. I don't know, Rick. I'm kind of into the Szechuan sauce, too. It seems interesting. And then I saw somebody play that thing the other day

where like, think for yourself, don't be a, don't get followed around the whole thing that Rick said in that one episode. I think the whole genesis of that Szechuan sauce is genuinely Roiland, the show creator, he wants that sauce back. He genuinely liked it 15 or 20 years ago and he thought it would be funny to try to bring it back because it's not like a funny joke or anything. He genuinely wants that sauce back he genuinely liked it 15 or 20 years ago and he thought it

would be funny to try to bring it back because it's not like a funny joke or anything he genuinely wants that szechuan sauce it's not like that's what's funny about the joke is when it breaks the fourth wall at the end and he's like as many seasons as it takes morty uh 99 years 97 years for szechuan sauce it's gonna be a nine season arc, man, Morty. That's what it's all been about. It's all about that. Is the next one out yet? No. I'm almost positive what they're going to do

is the season will debut, and that same episode that the three of us have already seen will debut. And then we'll have to wait another week after that to get episode two. I mean, I feel like what they did was kind of shitty. I thought the season was kicking off. Now we're halfway through the month, two-thirds, right?

It's the 20th. Oh, 420. And they're just like, ah, yeah. No, not really. We made you think we were ready to show you shows, but we were just fucking with you on April Fool's Day. This show's coming out in the summer. I don't know when it's coming out.

May is when sweeps are, I think, right? When the networks are trying to hit that high water mark of the ratings for sponsors and stuff, so that might be the time Cartoon Network wants to pull the trigger. Who knows? I'll wait as long as it takes, and I'll enjoy it. It's going to be a good summer, I think.

Game of Thrones is coming out. I think shit's going to happen. I'm super prepared for that. And Archer, I'm super prepared for that. I want to see how Archer is going to close out. A lot of good shows coming. It's the last season of Archer, right? And the best part is, about this time of year, hockey is almost the fuck over.

It's almost over. There won't be any hockey to even discuss. There's no summer hockey. There's no summer hockey. There's no summer hockey. I just want to briefly cut. Most of you have not seen Painkiller nearly, but I explained how the Columbus Blue Jackets were rope-a-doping

the Penguins just like Muhammad Adil did to Foreman. In the eighth round, Foreman got tired. They crushed him. The Penguins have really shot themselves out. I think that's the hockey term. So many shots on goal, so many goals.

They're exhausted at this point. And now the Blue Jackets will crush them. That's true. Actually, just about four minutes ago, the Blue Jackets were eliminated from playoff contention by the Pittsburgh Penguins. Good to know. So next year, Woody, maybe you'll be right.

But it was just, it's literally like five minutes ago, they lost 5-2. So, you know, maybe you have any other good predictions? I'm standing behind my Blackhawks-Penguins final. Kyle is standing behind your Blackhawks-Penguins final. Kyle is standing behind your Blackhawks-Penguins pick. Yeah, it's coming. We're down three games to none, but that's just to make things interesting. You need a good narrative.

Well, right now, the Predators are winning 1-0 and they've got the third period yet to play. Do or die for the Chicago Blackfeet. You're not even wearing die for the chicago blackfeet you know you're not even wearing your hoodie and even though i know you know it's game day you know well he doesn't know like the other day we were talking to me and chis were in the chat talking to kyle about hockey and i was and kyle was like uh man blackfeet are struggling and i was like

yeah you're gonna have to find someone else to glob onto and you go how are the predators doing and i was like well they're feeding chicago three to nothing and you're like all right well nashville it is you know like that's who i'm going with after this they're pretty close right like i said that because i was amazon comparing their jerseys and the predator jersey looked the coolest how the predator do it they get a nice jersey that's how i that's how i decide my allegiance yeah i i find a team that has nice uh uh memorabilia and go with that one that's the way it's like uh god there's like an opie and anthony bit from like 15 years so long ago when patrice o'neill was still alive patrice o'neill was still alive. Patrice O'Neill was this hilarious, like big, tall, fat black comedian that was awesome on the radio too. And he, Bill Burr, I think tells this story about like seeing Patrice and like a brand new New York Islanders hat.

Like that's a hockey team, obviously. And it's like a bright orange color, bright blue. Like that's the Islanders color. And he said he was talking to Patrice like, oh, I had no idea you were an Islanders fan, like a hockey fan. Patrice is like, what? what no they match my shoes and he's like yeah and that's when i realized like all these black guys that i thought were hockey fans they're just matching their shoes to whatever team has the best hat and i was like oh that does make sense because a lot of those hats look much cleaner than the hats i have for the blues but i was thinking about it i know how i'm going to follow hockey this postseason it i will be rooting for whoever plays the penguins

and then when they eventually beat the penguins i'll be rooting for that team until they're out and then i'll need some sort of plan b so you'll have a spite champion someone that you want to win just because they knocked out your your enemy what'd you call them? What kind of champion? Like a spite champion. Oh, yeah. You rally behind them out of spite. That's it. That's it. So the way hockey playoffs work is you get, like,

the best remaining team gets stacked up against the worst remaining team, kind of. And so we don't know who the Penguins are going to play yet. It depends on who else advances. But whoever that is will be the team I'm pulling for. Yeah, the Penguins will either play Toronto or the Capitals. So I'm thinking the Capitals are going to make it through, hopefully. But Blues up 3-1 in their series over Minnesota.

Nashville up 3-0. Ducks knocked out the fucking Calgary Flames. Swept. Poor Calgary Flames haven't won a playoff game in a long while. Yeah, and the rest, that's probably all anybody cares about. As far as Oilers and Sharks. I want the Sharks to win. Just for no other reason than that will keep Chiz talking about it some.

But even then, Chiz is already like, you know, if the Sharks get knocked out, there's like, whatever, there's Ducks, they're California too. And that's the exact opposite of every like actual California fan I've met where I'm like, yeah, so if your Ducks get knocked out, you're going to like the Sharks? Like, fuck no. Fuck the other California teams.

We're rivals. And Chiz is so not into it. It's just, oh, who's the next closest? Probably for you, Vancouver. That's like his fourth line pick. Yeah, I'm hoping that Chicago gets knocked out tonight because they've had way too much success and it's infuriating.

But if I want it too much, it's not going to happen. It's like a Christian scientist. I'll will it into being by doubt. If you doubt too much you'll will bad things into being there are actual christians that i knew growing up who believed that i don't know if what do you knew any of these types of christians who like i don't remember like the name like little the the subcategory like episcopalian or baptist or whatever but they

basically thought like that speak you could speak evil into being. So if you said like, man, I hope Stephen isn't decapitated if he runs into a deer tonight on the road or something, and they'd be like, oh, speak no evil, you know, don't speak that to me. And it was like, it was weird, because even me being raised a Christian at the time, going to that house, it was like, this is strange. Like, can we can really talk stuff into being like that's your christian god because like why don't we tell them like good stuff like i hope

i'm like six eight when i grow up god like fingers crossed you don't feel like a lot of people do that like when you say like i hope it doesn't rain on the wedding they're like don't do that they will but this this was i should have explained it was like a level more serious than that because if you say like i hope it doesn't rain on this parade or wedding they'll be like oh you like stop you know don't jinx it but these people would be like actually like you know you should not do that the old testament warns us against tempting evil and inviting it into our homes or whatever you know do you know how many goats I have to sacrifice now? You've done it.

My lamb's blood budget is already incredibly high. You know how hard it is to get kosher lamb's blood? You know, like, to wipe on my doors? This year's tankard of fermented goat's milk will be late, I suppose, because someone had to speak evil into existence with their cuttin' throats. Yeah, there's a lot of...

I hate... I just hate religion. Organized religion is just such an awful thing. I can see how it definitely was good. It's got... Good stuff has occurred because of organized religion, but it's also lots of really, really awful things have happened. So it's... I don't know, is it 50-50?

Does it even out? Probably not. Probably more on the worst side, honestly. I don't know, though. Because they've done some shit. Not just Catholics. All the organized religions. Except for the new school ones, like Mormons.

Well, even them, they caused a bit of a kerfuffle in the midwest in the 1800s not giving you people yeah they okay bad example scientologists uh but they're not real that's just like you saw what they did to katie holmes that's true that's true every every organized religion is pretty evil I wish that there was a way to know which people on the top of all those organized religions if you really did get to the top

if you could look into their souls and see if they all bought it or if you did get to that height of the Catholic Church or some other religion I'd say like Islam but it doesn't seem like they have like a giant, you know, cohesive thing like that where there's just like the Muslim Pope or whatever.

But like, if you could see inside the Pope's heart, how much of it do you think he really believes? Like if you can see all those cardinals, how much do you think? Because there are definitely some who fully believe it. That was really well phrased. I've wondered that for ages. Like, how many of them are just career-driven, right?

Especially at the top, right? And when you get close enough to the top, right? When you're the pope or, like, the guy right under the pope, are they all like, yeah, you know, we've made it deep enough in this thing that we know it's full of shit. This is complete. This is really just a big pedophilia ring. And now that we're on the innermost circle,

we can all see this and admit it to ourselves. Is there like documentation under the Vatican? The holy Vatican document. Yeah, where they're like, yeah, this is just what we do. We get tons of money from people. They give us money actually for nothing. They give us 10% of their income, and in exchange, we give them imaginary shit, and it's really a great business model. Karl Marx called it the opium of the masses. Yeah.

Yeah, I wish we could i bet most i bet a lot of them would i bet a lot of them believe it almost despite themselves like being reserved because i'm sure like the more up you get the more you have like access to shit in the church from a long way back but once you're like to the cardinal level or something and you get up there and even if in your head you're like man this seems like bullshit now like you still might want to be like no i believe this because it's like what did i do did i waste my whole life getting to this point like of course i gotta believe this if i if i let that go then this was all for nothing and i should have just gone into the private sector like my dad said or the other side of it like there's some real like benefits to have

here you know like holy shit there's a outfit laced with gold and pointy hats and shit. I'm really living it up big around here. If I start admitting that this is all a ruse, then what other job skills do I have? That's interesting how robes are reserved for the very lowest and the very highest among us as people.

Homeless people, people with the flu, I consider them very low. The Pope, already at the top. Cardinals, they wear a robe of sorts. Chief justices. You know, they wear robes. Judges.

They wear robes. Good point. Who else? Just insult moms. No, imams. No, imams. Yes. What is an imam? It's like the priest equivalent of a—

That's a mother on the internet, I believe. I'm pretty sure that's what that is. An imam. The imam it's like the priest that's a mother on the internet i believe i'm pretty sure that's what that is imam the imam yeah it's just the version of a priest yeah yeah it's a i think i have a topic i was let me slip in one ad read and then and then shoot into your topic and i'll be nice and quick and painless here tell everyone a bit bit about texture. 2016 was one for the books. The Cubs finally won the World Series. We said goodbye to far too many celebrities in the election. Game changer. 2017 is a whole new world, and it's easy to stay informed using the Texture app,

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do you remember that story it was in the midst of everybody like cop hating and like cops with 50 cows etc and uh there's an autistic man grown maybe 30 i forget yep i remember he's playing with a toy fire truck maybe and his caretaker black guy sitting down like arms in the air saying like do not shoot this guy is autistic you, I am his caretaker. I am a licensed therapist, et cetera. Cops shoot the therapist. Turns out the cops were trying to shoot the autistic man playing with a truck. Yep. Well, it just came out that they are holding the cop that shot the man criminally neglig negligent they're saying that yeah let me see if

i can find the charges attempted manslaughter and a misdemeanor charge of culpable negligence i don't know much about that misdemeanor but attempted manslaughter isn't that like a backwards thing like is it manslaughter when you accidentally kill someone so attempted manslaughter seems crazy yeah that does seem weird because you would it does seem different degrees of all that stuff yeah but this one seems to fly in its own face i see what you're saying he attempted to accidentally do a thing because manslaughter you kill someone without the intent of causing their death and so they're like oh he attempted to accidentally kill a guy? No. So it sounds like to me it's like the district attorney wanted to get this guy,

and they picked a somewhat lesser charge, like one notch down on the totem pole lower than attempted murder or assault with a deadly weapon or something like that. I don't know. But it seems like a weird charge, yeah. Apparently, so the cop was on duty, and they have to prove that the cop intended to do this, like there's an intent about this. And some people think that the prosecutor is just politically motivated trying to score points by holding the cop responsible for shooting this guy. And I don't know.

There should be blame in the gun, right? Like who else is there there? and I, I, I don't know. I should be blaming the gun, right? Like who else is there there? You're the fucking guy who drew the gun. You're the guy who pointed it. You're the guy who shot it. It's all the fuck on you.

Every ounce of it is on him. A hundred thousand percent. It's certainly not on the caretaker trying to aid his patient. It's certainly not on the poor autistic man in the street. It's on officer fucking Twitchyfinger, who not only tried to kill an innocent autistic man, but missed so poorly, he hit another fucking human being somewhere else

in the leg, in the leg. Ridiculous. You're right, man. I can't think of any other way to wrap my head around this. You should get intro. I know what you're saying, where there are definitely cases where you could probably point to, I don't know, any offhand, where they'd politicize something like that, where it was like, oh, well, the cop had to do this shooting because of this reason and that reason. This is not one of those. This seems like a cut and dry, like this guy is not prepared to do his job as a police officer and he also does not show any restraint

when he needs to and fires so badly and so nervously that he's a threat to other people you can't just send that guy out again on another patrol and be like hey this time try not to be so fucking bad at your job that you panic and shoot an innocent person who's trying to help a mentally challenged individual so that's where i was on this i'm like so clearly you should be fired right we're all on the same team this guy is not born to be a cop pull the plug on that now do we send him to jail for attempted manslaughter yeah definitely yeah no doubt in my some sort of criminal negligence like that guy needs to be doing like three to five or some shit he could have easily killed either one of them and he's not joe six-pack right he's not you me or or Taylor or someone who hasn't had tons and tons of training.

He has. He's had the specific training required to make this very specific, important decision. That's what he does. It's huge. It's a main part of his job. He's the baker who can't make rolls. He fucked up. He should be punished severely.

Severely. There had to be something wrong going on in his brain for him to pull the weapon to begin with. Because it was clear just with your eyes that nothing's going on. He's such a coward, he can't do his own job. That's a big part of it, clearly. Because if he weren't a coward, he'd have taken 30 steps closer. Even if it's with a gun drawn on these people in the street. And been like, it's not a fucking gun. It's a train.

Yeah. Think of how much better it would be if he had walked up gun trained on the guy, even if it was like a really intense cop walk. And then he gets up there and he goes, Oh, okay. All right, everybody. Settle down. You know, like. Cops are the worst at defusing situations. Like, like they, they're the worst at it. They're the worst at any average human being. It seems like it's better at it. They always have to at it. Any average human being it seems like is better at it. They always

have to have a confrontational I'm in the right kind of attitude. And it's not the kind of thing that leads to smooth solutions to problems. It often involves them having to stand their ground and shoot a fucking guy in the fucking street

who was just trying to help this kid. Yeah, that guy should be fucked. Literally, they should fuck him. They should send that Japanese man with the opaque suit in and have him rape that cop. And so he'll just be sitting there wondering what's happening. The thing you said about cops, I can barely feel it.

Is that ripped? I had an experience not long ago. It wasn't me. It's a paramotor thing. There was a different pilot flying around, and someone complained. All right? They complained because they were bothering cows. And personally, I don't bother cows because I don't want any problems. But it happened.

And the cop comes around and starts making all these bullshit rules. Like, oh, look at that. He flew below the height of the trees. The height of the trees is the legal limit. And if you go below that, then suddenly there's this problem. There's GoPro footage of it. So the guy extended his feet forward. He's like 200 feet in the air at this point.

But he put his feet up. And he's like, man, if he puts his feet up and he's like man if he puts his feet up he is way too low way too low it's like that's not an indicator of height but just the fact that the cop was unshakingly sticking to rules that he just fucking made up right and i assume he just made him up because like this is an area where like i like i'm full expert. There's not that much to it. And yeah, so it kind of just really burned my britches. Like, ah, fuckers making up laws. That's what they do.

That's what they do because they don't know the law. They enforce the law that they don't understand. We have some guys in our society who know the law. They go to school for a real long fucking time. They're called lawyers. Then we have this other class of people whose job is to enforce that law at the point of a deadly weapon. They go to school for eight weeks. Usually, I don't know the law, right? This is the rarest circumstance, paramotor laws. There's only a couple of them where I know

them better than the cop does. That's actually concentric circles within bird law. Fun fact. It's true. It's true. I'm like, what? Wait, I have to keep up? I'm level computer. But yeah, yeah.

So if a cop tells me like, oh, you know, you put two tires on the white line that defines the shoulder and there's a law against that, I'm like, ah, who knew? You know? I hate it. They need to be better yeah yeah well this guy i hope he does go to jail and i mean i think kyle's three

to five just because he is a cop it doesn't seem like that happens but who knows maybe maybe they'll make an example of this guy yeah judge kyle here would be like three to five for you. You're never a cop again. You don't get to have weapons anymore. Like it'd be pretty fucking serious. He's not qualified to own a weapon. Like he just proved he shouldn't have a gun. Like that's it. Like they take people's guns away for, for frivolous shit. Like, like you might be on some, uh, some, some, uh, medicine for a a mental disorder that's not necessarily related. There's always talk of, oh, maybe those people shouldn't have guns. And there's, oh, well, this guy's had an episode 18 years ago.

Maybe he shouldn't have a gun. Or this guy has PTSD. Maybe we should take his guns away. Here's the guy whose gun we should take away. This guy right here, the one who literally shot the innocent man in the street. He tried to kill someone, right? Tried to kill someone. There's no reason.

Was it in AR-15? i thought it was a handgun um that was my thought it's it's really embarrassing if you miss for an ar-15 i i'm not sure but i'm really curious about it now i don't remember if i have this in my head because i saw it back in that video we watched or if it's just in my head because of us that's what I think of cops, but I picture a Glock. I picture him ricocheting a 9 off the asphalt into this guy's leg or something like that, because, man, if you miss one individual with a rifle and hit another,

it's not even poor marksmanship at that point. There's something wrong with you? You got muscular dystrophy? What's up? How'd this happen? I'm looking. To my eye, it's an AR-15. Fuck.

He's lucky he kept the leg. If they shot him in the leg, he'd have an AR-15. Did you guys hear the story today about Operation Vandelay Industries? Yes, I did. You did? Hilarious. Did you hear about this? No. Can you bring me up to speed?

So just for those of you who don't watch Seinfeld, Vandelay Industries is George, George Costanza from Seinfeld. He wanted to be impressive to people. And so he would lie and say that he worked at Vandelay Industries as an architect or in importing-exporting, exporting. An importing, exporting architect. In latex, yes. At Vandelay Industries, which is also Jerry's apartment. So remember to pick that up and say Vandelay Industries if they call Jerry. And this is called Operation Vandelay Industries. These prosecutors in New York found a guy whose last name is Newman,

funny enough, who was a fake architect defrauding people and getting like, basically, if you're an architect, you have to like go around, I guess, and like get stamps saying like, all right, this is approved for Worcestershire County or whatever. And he was just defrauding and making his own stamps and doing a bunch of stuff. And they caught him and they called it Operation vandal industries and i'm i'm so glad that they had a sense of humor about it yeah he was he was an architect but i don't think he'd ever went to architect school um i don't think he had a license of any kind everything was a forgery but he was making you know a lot of money i don't know if he was like taking like upfront money to start on a project and pocketing it and then i don't know what he was doing.

If he could architect, right? Like if need be, he could be like, yeah, here's your fucking entryway for the Louvre or whatever. You know, I made it, build it now. I don't know if he could do that, but the whole thing is hilarious with all the similarities in the name stuff. Here's what the lady said, or Mr. Schneiderman,

I guess one of the attorneys says, for over seven years, the defendant has pretended to be a registered architect, deceiving hundreds of New Yorkers, including families and senior citizens, with the sole goal of enriching himself. By allegedly falsifying building plans, code compliance inspections, and field reports, the defendant jeopardized the safety of those who resided in and frequented the buildings he was contracted to work on. Really? And have you done anything I would know? Well, have you seen the new addition to the Guggenheim? Yeah. Really? You did that? Costanza's only motivation was to get girls.

Yeah. And when he, oh, I was about to go off on a Seinfeld tale, but we don't need to talk about Seinfeld. I saw on Reddit, there's a subreddit where they write episodes of Seinfeld for modern times and almost without fail. When you look at them, you're like, yes, that would have been killer. One I read recently was Elaine gets yoga pants. She starts noticing that she's getting

so many more looks from guys. So Kramer gets some too. So Kramer is styling around, talking about how good good they feel how free he is and and how everything's held in place i was like yeah that would be a structure jerry yeah exactly oh it's a great show that show that's a show i can turn on almost any time and i've seen every episode a dozen times like i can turn it on any time, and I've seen every episode a dozen times.

I can turn it on any time, and it's just like, you know how you have those shows that are almost filed away as feel-good shows where you just put them on, and it reminds you of a good time? The Office. Seinfeld's one for me. I know The Office for you because you've said you've watched that a million times. What's one for you, Woody?

Like a comfort, like you've seen it a million times, but you just want to watch something familiar and enjoy. I like Parks and Rec for that. That's a good choice for that, too. That for you, Woody. Like a comfort, like you've seen it a million times, but you just want to watch something familiar and enjoy. I like Parks and Rec for that. That's a good choice for that, too. That's a great show. Yeah. I started The Office when I was in a really bad place in my life, and it comforted me that first time I ever watched it.

And so I go back to it, and it's almost like I get that same medicinal quality. It's like this thing that made me feel good, that other time I felt bad bad can still do it now. So anytime I feel a little down, it's like, man, that was a stressful day. Or like, man, I'm exhausted. I don't even want to think right now. I just want to relax.

Dun-a-dun. Dun-a-dun-a-dun. Dun-a-dun-dun-da. Dun-a-dun-a-dun. I love it. I've seen every episode countless times. I would like to do some Dunder Mifflin trivia sometime. I wish there was some way to get some of that going on. You'd blow me out of the water

in Dunder Mifflin. I don't know if I would or not. Every now and then I go back and I'm like, I didn't know that thing or I didn't know this thing. There's all these little bits about Creed, for example. I find Creed to be one of the most interesting characters on that show. Yeah, that was an awesome show. Another good show that's

totally different in the go-to than the ones we just mentioned that all snums watch is Band of Brothers, the original one, not the Pacific one. Because if I'm ever feeling like, oh, this is hard, this sucks, I'll just be like, no, it's not, and it doesn't suck that bad. Let's pop this

on and see what it was like going to war against you know the krauts and the japs or whatever well i guess the japanese one would be later season but still like you watch that and it really and it's not so much like it sounds stupid to be like watching the actor and being like wow tom hanks or whoever the fuck it is like but the interviews with the people beforehand because if you haven't watched the brothers before basically what they do is it's an hbo series and so they follow one the 101st airborne and before every episode they'll do an interview with the individuals who actually served in the 101st airborne like they're all old men now

and they'll ask them questions about like you know what was this like what was that like and they give you perspectives on shit that like you don shit that you don't even know you don't know, if that makes sense, about war, to where you're like, oh, fuck, I didn't even consider that aspect of it and shit like that. My favorite one, my favorite interview, my favorite interview is,

there's this part in Band of Brothers where they're in this forest in France, I want to say, and then there's a clearing in another forest, and that's where the Germans are, and they stay in this forest all through the winter. The whole winter, they just are in foxholes in this forest, freezing their asses. Thank God. Yeah, might have been best on. And then in the interview, the guy who was there, he's like, oh, sometimes it'll be cold at night, and my wife will be in bed and she'll say, oh, it's cold, and I'll say, nothing's as cold as Bastogne.

And I was like, oh, nothing's as cold as Bastogne. And you know what? I bet his wife never comes back from that one. No! She's like, well, I was here doing my nails. Was it cold? well, I was here doing my nails. What's it called? Yeah, you wrote me letters about that. What he says is he's thankful he's not in Bastogne. That's the thing. He's like,

and just like you said, I'll be under the covers. I can't get in. He's like, I'm just glad I'm not in Bastogne. And it hits hard. But then, Generation Kill. Do you watch that? I've seen that before. But then, Generation Killed. Do you watch that? I've seen that before. That guy, when...

I've cried during that show, Band of Brothers, during those real people moments. I'm sure Kyle seems a little weepy at shows. I'm sure you've got a little teary-eyed over that. At the end of the series, when Winters is talking to the actual guy who was like leading the troop and he's like my grandson

asked me grandpa were you a hero in the war and i said no but i served in a company of heroes and i'm like oh oh you did you led the hero you led the hero and even at 78 you're humble like I don't know it's just sobering to be like god damn these people were doing shit that I'll never have to do when they were 8 years younger than me I appreciate it so much too

like I think a lot of people don't but when I watch this movie I appreciate that so much that they went and did that shit I don't have to because it's fucking terrifying it's it's it's it's a whole different level of of existence when you're fucking going to germany to fight those men to the death with tanks and guns and flame ah you're 100 right and i feel like a dick because you watch generation kill and you don't get that same level of appreciation right completely asymmetric forces right one's rolling in there with humvees and what's the big 50 cal that shoots on top of a humvee maybe two m2 yeah so they've got like m2s and they're just

like fucking lighting things up and then you find out there's like only women in that village and all the men are gone and and uh like commanders sending the wrong forces into places just so that that commander can get credit for a thing that their people did when he has no skin in the game and it's like generation kill outlines just a very different kind of war like it yeah i don't remember that one i watched it when it came out i'm having trouble remembering a lot of it's like iraq's right it's regarded it is in iraq it's regarded as one of the most accurate war things ever made. And it just doesn't paint a super flattering picture of what happens in war now. Which is not to say that if we went up against a really – like, Iraq is not the toughest kid on the block, right?

And we had 10 to 1 advantage. What'd you say? we had 10 to 1 advantage before we fucking rolled in too like it was just overwhelming force yeah they just they just went in there and they had better equipment and a better training and then it was really 10 times as many of us like they're just outnumbered and outgunned and outclassed there was there was nothing to it um i i hope we don't have to fight another fucking real war with some people that have their fucking Wheaties and their backpacks on,

because usually we fight people that look like they're... You know, you go to paintball, and you'll see that guy, and you kind of feel sorry for him because his gear is so lame, and you're over there like... And he's over there... Remember when we did 80 versus 80 in paintball? Yes, and he's over there. Remember when we did 80 versus 80 in paintball? Yes, that was so much fun. And we won every time.

Yeah, when we recreated the United States versus Iraq, yeah. And all it was was you just lay down a line of paint and people run into it. Yeah, we got more firepower. We're more motivated. We've got the confidence. Like, it's all on our side. And it was just a whooping. When that thing kicked off, 8 versus 80, and we

all just started mowing into them, there was almost a steady stream of them leaving the field of battle shot for like a solid 10 seconds. It was like the first 10 seconds of the match, we all were standing and we killed like a half dozen easily in seconds. It was great. I want to say

that inside 60 seconds... Indeed. Lost you for a sec, Woody. Yeah. I think you are. Mayhaps videos frozen so i can't see uh see what i can do about that while you're working on that i'll do another quick advertisement read here about me undies uh what's the first thing you put on and the last thing you take off it's your underwear make the most uh make your most

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Roger that. But if everybody else does, it's no biggie. I don't need that special treatment. I can roll with the punches. Yeah, I don't see either, but I don't require video or anything. Yeah, I bought some pillowcases that were Modal the other day, and so now every night I lay down with my face against that super soft MeUndies feel. It's excellent.

Against super soft, high-tech MeUndies fabric. So check them out. I've got something to go to if you guys want to have something else. Yeah, I want to hear it. So you know how they have that fearless girl statue in New York that's up against the wall street bull have you heard about that kyle let me link you a picture so i think it was for national woman's day or something like that and they they put a girl standing in front of the bull uh because we can't like do the show pictures to the audience but uh yeah so there's a girl

in front of wall street there's a bull and that bull is big and strong and he's bronze it looks like it might weigh two tons or something it's crazy and they built a girl standing in front of the bull with like peter pan sort of stance and uh she stands in front of the bull like not afraid of it now of course the bull is a good thing on Wall Street, but whatever. So they call her Fearless Girl. And I think it was put there almost in secret for National Women's Day. Well, it was put there by, first of all, it was put there by one of the largest Wall Street hedge funds. So people standing by it going like, woohoo, power to us.

It's like you're standing by something put there by an enormous hedge fund looking for praise so oh for one there i i thought it was like a whole like who gives a fuck kind of story until i saw which it is it's a who gives a fuck thing until i saw that the artist who made the bull this italian dude is pissed off about it being like what the fuck like i made this this apparently he made it himself and gifted it to wall street because the bull wall street is supposed to represent like how strong american finance is like we're a strong financial institution like we're a world presence in this area like we're we're good and and he was saying like it's a bull market right a bull market means it's doing well a bear market means it's doing bad. So they've made a bull. Yes, good explanation.

So they had a bull there showing power of America, very patriotic. And when they put that statue there, this guy's like, whoa, you just took my art and turned it into something else because you changed what I made. You made it from a beacon of this is financial success in America to,ica to oh this evil bull it's coming to get you you know it's it's like an inherently divisive thing and it's not it's not cool to this guy you know it's like you can't just do that like if i like the best example i can think of is if i bought 30 statues of people bowing down and i put all of them in front of the lincoln memorial suddenly it looks like a very,

very different statue where it's like, who is this God King emperor with all of his slaves in front of him making them bow? Like what's going on? Who was this horrible tyrant? It's like, no, of course that's not it. You just put something else in there and change the meaning of the entire art piece. And that's not even yours to do it to. And so that's the angle that I don't like. It's like, you took something that this guy worked on and made and then perverted his whole uplifting message to basically be a divisive asshole. You know, at the beginning of this thing,

I was like, who fucking cares that they put a little girl statue there? What's wrong with a little girl statue? I was like, I thought, I'm looking at this image from behind, I was like, is she naked in the front? Is there a little girl pussy out there on Wall Street? No. No, there's not a little girl pussy. I see your point this image from behind. I was like, is she naked in the front? Is there a little girl pussy out there on wall street? No, no,

there's not a little girl pussy. I see your point though. Now they didn't just make their own art piece. That's their, their standalone thing. They came in, interfered with his and, and,

and jumped into his painting. It'd be like, if you put a little squiggly on the Mona Lisa and like add it on to it. Like, no, it's shitty. And it's also, it's not even like they commissioned this guy,

like the same firm bought it from him. I guess it's my understanding. This guy did this as like a gift. shitty and it's also it's not even like they commissioned this guy like the same firm bought it from him i guess it's my understanding this guy did this as like a gift and so it's like he took all this time to make this and then you add something to it to make it look nefarious it's like fuck you that's that's shitty but yeah you're right until i saw the artist complain about it i was like who fucking cares have you ever been there and seen it and i've never seen it it It's got fucking balls. I mean, it's realistic. Well, one of those statues has to. There you go.

Well, hey, the girl might too. It may be a transgender girl standing up for her rights on national women's markets. It's hard to say. The fact that we're calling it Fearless Girl and not Fearless Them until it comes out with uh its gender identity a little bigoted just saying take it as you will god i hate this shit yeah it's silly i don't know but that i thought that was a little bit interesting because you're right it's a total who gives a fuck until you find out there's this poor guy in italy being like hey i'm making the statue as best as i can and then you make another statue right next to it making it look like a bully it It's not a bully, it's a bully. Me too, say, go to America.

It's like, give me my bull back. That's fucked. Have you guys heard about the Alex Jones thing, what's going on? Yes, he was going through a divorce, or excuse me, a custody battle for his kid, I guess, post-divorce. And, you know, of of course his ex-wife

is saying look this guy's a nut uh exhibit a his radio show and uh and you know he's his lawyers come back with no he's a performance artist and these are he's playing a character and the things he's saying uh he like i was basically following like uh or i went later and found someone who had tweeted a bunch of the stuff he was saying like as he was saying it like live tweeting the him on the stand and the guy even like as he's tweeting he's like it's hard to keep up with this alex jones talks a lot and he talks very fast because you've listened to alex jones you know exactly what alex jones is doing over there with those chemtrails and shit. And here are a few tweets from the guy of the things that Alex Jones was saying.

Alex Jones said that George Soros is brain damaging people with weed that's way too strong these days. Alex says that he tests weed once a year, just like law enforcement does, to keep a gauge on how strong marijuana is. He says, Alex confirms a big bowl of chili can get him to forget the names of his children's teachers. So I guess if he eats too much, he was talking about how he can often forget. Then the guy says, Alex is filling us in that he only had two breakfast tacos this morning, so there should be no memory issues. He also gave a shout out to Texas Chili Parlor at that point. Alex says that he drinks sometimes

every day, sometimes far less, tries to cut back because it, quote, makes me fat. And Alex did seem to shoot himself in the foot with a nasty comment about his ex-wife, comment being, quote, I can't perjure myself. She has no positive qualities.

She has no positive qualities that's hilarious that i just think that's really funny how that's all panning out that he had to basically be like yeah i don't actually think the frogs are gay um i don't think that you know there's neptune monsters coming out of the ground I think it's almost like WWE the people who watch him, most of them have to know that a lot of it's trash or at least some of them do and they watch it for the same reason

but there's also a lot of people who buy into everything he says and buy his supplements I don't listen to Alex Jones, i've listened to excerpts of him to catch the crazy but i have heard his full interview on the howard stern show and stern sort of approached it like hey man um you've said some things let's take them one at a time here and go through this and and see where we get with all this and stern sort of approached it the same way he approaches any number of like people who pretend to be a certain way to get attention. And sort of tried to debunk it, but had fun while he

did it. And talked about the frog switching sexes because of the, what is it in the water? Fluoride. The fluoride. You know, the fluoride in the water and all that stuff. I hope he gets to keep his kid like i don't agree with that guy's politics and he doesn't entertain me but i don't think he's a maniac who he's certainly a much better father than daddy 05 right like uh maybe he's got political views we don't agree with but he's he's a better father than daddy 05 do you think he runs into his daughter's room at night and be like sam Samantha, the globalists are here. We got to get out. You can wrap your bug out bag.

We're going into the basement. You know, I've got a shuttle for this. I've got a lot of supplements too. We don't need a lot of food. Don't worry, I've got the food buckets. The car's full of the food buckets. Let's go. I've got nothing but corn.

It's going to give us all the carbs we need and our supplements will get all the vitamins. We're leaving your mom here, dumb bitch. If the worst thing about him is his radio show, he shouldn't lose his kids. I have no idea what kind of parent he is, but assuming he's normal when he's not doing his show, they shouldn't be trying to take his kids from him.

For someone who doesn't watch his show, it's hard to know how much of the nonsense he really believes and how much is jokey because all my experience to alex jones comes from the joe rogan experience when he was on there that one episode and then basically videos on youtube like alex jones maniac compilation and you know obviously those are the funniest videos so that's what i want to watch but on joe rogan experience he wasn't jokey at all he was, he said a lot of insane stuff. And was all in for it.

Like the moon landing thing he was talking about with the – maybe you remember better than me, Woody. But it was something to do with NASA where he's like – and then he talked to me and he confirmed to me that it was a no-go. No-go. Everyone else denies it. He confirmed it to me. And it was like – he's talking about random no-name people. He often claims to have these sources that aren't verifiable.

Trump called me personally and he told me this or that. I talked to John Glenn and he told me that it's like, yeah. John Glenn. That guy just died. You know, it was a seance maybe. I don't know. That's why he would be a perfect witness.

He'd be like, I was speaking to John Glenn last year, and he told me he never went to fucking space. He hung out in Cape Canaveral for two weeks. That's where he was. Yeah, yeah. I think that might be what he did. It might have been that guy that he was talking about. If that is the case, that's real shitty of him

to pick somebody who just died who can't be like, no, I'm an astronaut, asshole. I went to space. Like, there's pictures of me. I got a moon rock. the case that's real shitty of him to pick somebody who just died who can't be like no i'm an i'm an astronaut asshole i went to space like there's pictures i got a moon rock yeah you know an interesting little anti-moon landing thing uh they were talking recently about apparently the united states gifted a moon rock to some like foreign prime minister or country and they just tested it and it ain't a fucking moon rock. It's petrified wood. I had a thing

to say. There's full-time spoilers on the dark side. It's a fun time with Republican newscasters. I don't know a better word for them, but Milo, Alex Jones, and Bill O'Reilly all getting the axe lately. Yeah, Bill O'Reilly all getting the ax lately.

Yeah, Bill O'Reilly is going to fire. Those first two pales in comparison to Bill O'Reilly. Bill O'Reilly is the foundation that Fox News was built upon. His radio audience is gargantuan. If you watch Fox's ratings as they go from 6 p.m. to 10 p.m., you'll see that things are going just fine. And then like 800,000 people show up just to watch Bill O'Reilly like they it's like all of a sudden a whole bunch of people know that eight o'clock is Bill O'Reilly time and then they turn on Fox News that's it's all they watch and

then Tucker Carlson comes on and guess what like half those people turn it right the fuck back off it is a huge deal for him and Fox because it's not like, well, he's the number one rated program on TV for news, but we'll just put somebody else in. It'll be almost as good. Like, no. Even like other news programs would be like, oh, you know, this program killed it on MSNBC or CNN or whatever. It's like, oh, is it half as big as O'Reilly's? No, don't be crazy. Like, O'Reilly's doing his own thing over there.

I'm sure you're right, but in my head anyway, I thought Tucker Carlson, while not as big yet, was the shooting star of Fox News. They're moving into that slot, Tucker Carlson. And so who knows? I don't really watch his show. Some stuff about him I really don't like. He does that thing that a lot of interviewers do sometimes where they pretend to misunderstand what people

are saying so that they can like smugly laugh it off and not go after the actual point. Oh really? There's also good clips I've seen from him too. Tucker's not my guy but he really pays attention and somehow I like that about

him you know like the ones I see it's usually um it's asymmetric right like Tucker Carlson is informed and smart and he's on top of these issues and he's talking to some like crazy hippie you know like trying to debunk her which is easy for a professional to do and um but, I just see him watching, watching her talk, letting her hang herself. And then he jumps in, asks the right question, and she continues to hang herself.

And I'm like, you know, look, he's not my guy, but he's not bad at this job. No, he's good at his job. He was half a crossfire. Definitely more entertaining. I've seen more clips of him that I do like than I don't like. But him coming to Bill O'Reilly's slot, he's way more pro-Trump than Bill O'Reilly. Yeah.

I think Bill O'Reilly was one of the big guys who held Trump's feet to the fire on some interviews, at least in the primaries. Or maybe not even primaries, like talking to him about Syria or something. But yeah. Yeah, he asked some tough questions. Who knows how it'll go? being like you're or maybe not even primaries like talking about syria or something but yeah yeah who knows who knows how it'll go i saw trump come to bill o'reilly's defense a bit the other day when the yeah what the fuck is he doing you have bigger things to deal with shut up you know he's got a lot of he's got a lot of uh pokers in the fire he'll he'll bill o'reilly might be one of them um you know don't feel sorry, though, because like during this whole like controversy, he's been in Italy on vacation the whole time on this like planned vacation that had nothing to do with this whole thing. Right.

Yeah. Well, I doubt that we've taken the time. Well, no, the time had been taken because the slot had already been cleared, like pre all of this happening. Like this is a long term vacation that he had planned. But he's over there with his lawyers, of course, fighting back against this thing as best he can. He's getting tens of millions of dollars. They had to pay out $13 million to some of these women. He's getting $20-30 million out of Fox for leaving. They can't just fire him. He has a contract.

They can ask him to leave and pay him off. Then he leaves and goes into the sunset with millions, tens of millions. So this is not a Bill Cosby kind of takedown scenario. This is Bill O'Reilly saying, OK, I'll go do my own podcast now and become a uber millionaire. I wonder – my guess is that he's already worth nine digits, right? I just made that up, but I bet he's worth $100 million. How's he feeling about this like i i assume he wishes that this wasn't happening that this has been a really bad time for him that you know if i'm worth 100 million and i get 10 million to walk away it's like shit

like that doesn't even matter to me you know know, I wasn't 10 million shy of getting something I really wanted. You know, when you're worth 100 million, everything in the world is free to you. Right. Apple comes out with a new computer. You're not like, ah, should I? Shouldn't I? Should I spring for the Ram? No, everything is free to you.

no everything is free to you every car every nearly every boat most houses and certainly all the things you'd see throughout the day have no cost you know when you go to a restaurant you don't look at the prices and then say ah grilled cheese looks good no you get whatever the fuck you want you get appetizers you don't care 100 million dollars is enough to buy all this stuff and uh so to give him 10 million more like i don't think he gives a fuck you know like tens of millions more to be fair he had to pay out like 13 million he had to pay some money but i don't know what the the the amount on his contract is. They keep using the term tens of millions, like it's $20, $30, $40 million. I don't know how much it is, but they say tens. Even so, I just imagine that – in my head, I'm only guessing that he's like, this is the worst month of my life.

$20 million or not, I bet he's having a bad time. When bad stuff like that happens, you can tell. I mean, to be fair, Bill Cosby wasn't a beacon of health prior to all of this coming out, but you can tell now. He has a look on his face like a dog that is waiting to die. It knows it's going to die, and it's already gotten past the hump of accepting it, and he's just living it out.

I'm being serious. When you see him, the hump of accepting it, and he's just living it out. I'm being serious. When you see him, the court pictures and everything, that is not the Bill Cosby anybody would recognize. That picture next to Bill Cosby 20 years ago, you probably would be like, who the hell is that weird doppelganger that looks so – like a homeless guy? And the cataracts don't help, and that's obviously not the fault of him being a rapist. Might be. Might have raped himself blind. Raped himself blind. Maybe.

He did do a lot of that. Bill O'Reilly works 85 mil. That's a lot. With Bill Cosby, I've said this on the show before. Sometimes I feel like if somebody's old enough they can't lose anymore right who's the walter fray right walter fray lives whatever he is 100 years old or something like that if you kill him now he had a great life it was great he was in charge the whole fucking time had his 19 sons and all those daughters and he's having sex with these girls constantly like he lived his

version of a dream life if you kill him at 100 he's like i'm golden there are a lot of people brandon schwab from the fighter and the kid another podcast he was like man you know like i would much rather be a star that died at 50 than a regular person regular person just didn't appeal to him at all right he doesn't he doesn't want to be that guy you know that the dad who has a kid who every month just like ah we can't make the mortgage we can't make the mortgage no he wants to be him a ufc star turned entertainment guy etc yeah he's like he's like he would take that life and die at 50 rather than have an ordinary one and die at 70. So Bill Cosby lived his version of a dream and what, his last three years suck?

That's true in a way, but in what I think is a bigger way is once you get to that age, you start to not think about things in terms of money and possessions as much, especially if you're in a world like he is where he's been doing entertainment i think that you probably are more obsessed with your legacy where he would rather be remembered as because you remember the cosby show everybody liked the cosby show it was like the wholesome family man like good morals good values and he and he lost all of that so he knows now that when people bring up Bill Cosby, it won't ever be what a funny comedian, what a great show, what a good influence he was to families in the 90s or whatever.

Like, it's going to be, oh, the rapist. Like, so I think that is killing him. He was doing his best to set an example for African-American men and help them with all the things that hold them back throughout his career. You know, he made sure that his show was, that there wasn't anything racist in there. And he did lots of things to try to further that. And now all that legacy is ruined. It's just drug through the mud and like shit on top.

And in the same way, I feel like if you want to hurt Walder Frey, sure, you take his life. He's lived a whole bunch of life and we're at the end of that. But his legacy is very important to him. When they mention, you know, maybe we'll kill your sons, he's like, I've got 15 to spare. He's like, you know, you could kill one of my sons for every one of Ned Stark's, and I'd still have 18 to spare, or whatever silliness, he said, but if you kill every single one of his sons, if you go to the twins there on that river, and you burn it to the ground, and you sow his fields with salt, and you erase his name from the history books, it would break his spirit, it would break his soul, it would be awful. It's even worse then, because he'd say, I've lived these 90 years to build all of this,

Even worse then, because he'd say, I've lived these 90 years to build all of this, and it's all been taken away. Those 90 years I just lived were all for nothing. It's easy for him to die at 90 because he's like, I lived 90 years, and I did all of that, and that will be here in another 90 years. And that stuff over there will be here another thousand years because I'm Walder Frey. But if you burn it all down, kill everybody who's related to him, erase his name from the books that would hurt him and that's the way the hope happens i hate walter fray i hate him so goddamn much it frustrates me that they haven't just gone back to him cut his cut oh they did they did let me ask you what am i doing they killed him last season yeah they got him so he's dead now would you rather you know be whatever your version of walter fray right your personal dream life i assume it involves you know girls and money and all the fun stuff

in life right yeah and would you rather be that guy and then in the last, whatever, 18 months of your life, they fucked up your legacy. Or you can be like a plumber who did fine, had a wife 18 years in, got divorced, two kids. You don't get to write my plumber life for me. Let's just say a happy average life where my wife and children love me. I thought I detailed an average life. What is an average life? For a plumber? God damn it. is an average life? For a plumber?

God damn it. I shoot a little higher than a plumber. Okay, you're going to be an accountant. I'm not in a union, Woody. I got my own truck. I'm fucking running around 70 hours a week. I got to do my own maintenance on this thing. All right, Kyle, now you're an accountant.

You work in air conditioning. Your clients respect you. And compared to attorneys, you're a little bad boy, right? Can I still get it up? Yes. All right. I'll take that life over the life of happiness and riches that all go to asunder in your old age. And you have to watch it turn to dust in your mouth, as a Game of Thrones character might say. That would be awful. If you are a grandpa and you've got 10 sons and each of them has three sons

and you have this picture of this legacy that is the phrase and like, we'll go far and wide now. I have 20 sons and each of them is gonna have at least five. There's a hundred phrase just gonna be out there. They'll never, and then all of that goes away. You're like, oh, my legacy is gone. My castle's gone. Like that would just be just such an awful thing to have everything you cared about taken.

It's happening to Bill Cosby. And you both agree that Bill Cosby's life is worse than the accountant. Yeah, definitely. He suffered so much more. Like he's felt such awful pain. And I don't feel sorry for fucking rapists, but going through the last 40 years of his life with that on top of him, on his shoulders, knowing that that could come out and, you know, occasionally dealing with a lawsuit here and there, he must've lived such a stressful,

scary life, always in fear of losing his legacy and the things that were important to him. I bet four years ago he was praying, God, just take me. They don't know yet. Just fucking take me. And the foundation will keep helping kids. And my other foundation will keep buying eyeglasses for the underprivileged. And my wife won't be disgraced. Dude, if he could rewind time five years, I have no doubt the first thing he would do is walk into traffic. And what's kind of fucked up then is that then everybody would know bill cosby as oh this humdinger of a of a guy with a great show who you know got a little uppity sometimes with raping but uh that's that's nothing like that's definitely not what his legacy is now yeah you know you might have found out about two or three rape victims, and you've been like, ah, them bitches is lying on Cosby.

They're lying on Cosby. Two of them are white. Cosby ain't fucking no white bitches. That's what you'd say. But because he's still out there. That's what I'd say. But that's what I said when the first three came forward. I'm like, they are trying to besmirch Dr. Cosby.

That man sold me Coca-Cola, Puddin' Pops, and as a Huxtable, he helped raise me a little bit. I like that man. I thought a lot of him. And I'm a white dude, right, who's a few years too old to be in his demographic. I can't imagine. I bet there's so many 40-year-old black guys who, like this guy, was the cornerstone of their childhood. They're like, my whole professional existence is because of Dr. Cosby rapist i'm a little conflicted now like yeah it sucks and he was so good at it though like like that man excelled at everything he did like like he was not an amateur rapist i've never heard of anybody raping that many people in in like a civil and like a first world country you hear about like oh yeah and like guatemala there was

the the scourge of the west who raped 800 women and it's like god damn 800 before they really give it cosmic credit for for excelling in like hollywood comedy movies movies, and rape. Yeah, absolutely. He was a good rapist. He was proficient at it, effective at it. He kept them quiet afterwards, which is the hardest part. He used the most disenhancing drugs. That barbecue sauce part of his show

is so weird and creepy now where he's like, that's just a little bit of my sleeping sauce and throwing it on the wings. He's like, haven't you ever noticed that when people eat a little bit of my sauce, that they get in the mood for a little loving?

There's something along those lines. He's like, that's because there's a special ingredient in it. And his wife tastes some and she's like, I'm feeling like we need to go upstairs. And he's like, oh yeah. He's got this, like, rape face on. Like, Dr. Cosby's being a little sexual. You don't like that.

It didn't show him crushing up all the lewds in that mortar and pestle and then pouring it into the barbecue sauce. But, yeah, he— Quaaludes is still around. Like, from what I hear, that was just a great recreational pill you could take and have a ball. Like, whenever you watch those movies that are around that timeframe, everybody's talking about lewds or quaaludes. I would have liked to have tried one of those. Woody lived through the quaalude time.

Yeah, he was a dealer. Yeah. Woody the lewd man. That was a rough time. That was a rough time. Yeah. Those were the days, right? Yep.

The lewdest man in in ocean city they'd call him he had to rough those guys up that owed him the money that was a that was a that was a scarier version of woody even talking about bill cosby kind of makes me sad because it's like god damn it like you could have everybody could be enjoying your show as like a like a remember thing if you hadn't been a goddamn rapist and he could have gotten all the pussy he wanted if he'd been out there like like just just hunting for pussy like like you don't have to drug them and take it you're fucking bill cosby i'm sure you could have gotten some ass like dude the fact that he did rape being the guy that he was like being as powerful and as

influential as he was and that he was still raping people shows that he's not just like that's evil. That's fucking evil. He didn't even take a path of like, oh yeah I'm going to be a big rich celebrity and not get married and just sleep around and do my thing. No, he could have done that if he wanted and instead he raped

people. So it shows that it wasn't even him wanting to get laid as much as him being what is it? a monster and he's into that sleepy rape too where they're like all passed out and shit which isn't much of a turn on to me when i when i envision it um just feel bad for his wife i guess unless she knew about this the whole time and she's been a party to it. Oh, yeah. If she's known about it the whole time,

that's pretty fucked. Yeah. I bet she did. I bet she did, right? Maybe she didn't know the full extent of it, but I bet she knew that he was abusing women in some way. Maybe she even thought that he was just exerting his influence on them and like, oh, I'll get you this job or that job

and then fucking them. But she knew something bad was going on. You can't live with that guy and not. I wouldn't think. Yeah. That sucks. But, well, he'll be dead soon. And then he'll have an eternity of a horrible legacy.

Yep. Oh, Kyle, your black feet live to play another day. I told you they're going to win it all. I was joking. They are eliminated, having been swept by the Nashville Predators. Shit! They lost

4-1, and they have been swept from the playoffs. The Chicago Blackhawks. Well, Sidneyney crosby will have to go back to his summer job lopping fingers off for al-assad and syria that's a different team but but really you're sure sydney crosby's on the penguins i'm very positive of this i don't i don't think that's true at all i don't think that's true no i'm I'm pretty sure it's true. Saul Sidney Crosby's playoff beard, and I'm pretty sure he plays for a middle school somewhere.

Yes, he usually just gets a playoff mustache because that's all he gets. But yeah, now even if the Blues get reverse swept and we're knocked out, it won't be, it'll still be horrible, but it won't be as horrible because at least Chicago isn't making it any further either. So that's just a wonderful day for sports and the entire hockey world. Congratulations to Nashville.

That's fucking great. Kyle, you already got your sweater picked out, so that's perfect. And if the Blues make it to the next round, you know, Nashville playing St. Louis. So we can do some nice trash talk as soon as you Google some players' names. I almost bought a Terrasinko hockey stick signed. It's like his stick, and it's signed by him. Just to make it into a back scratcher and fuck with you. Just to be like, oh, my back is so itchy.

It was like $400 or some shit yeah it was it was it was a pretty silly spot it was a pretty expensive spike gift hey i'm scratching my back with this half a grand you know i don't even know how to shoot with it you know but i was like oh my god a couple like 200 bucks maybe uh you i just a guess because the good sticks when i was playing were 200 250 or so i bet now like a high quality sticks like 300 like maybe 300 plus which is why like these guys in the nhl are playing with uh like 300 sticks custom for them because they like make the curve just for that's why's why if you go into buy sticks, it'll say like,

Oh, this one says Tarasenko on it. That means that this is the curvature of the blade that Tarasenko. What does it, it doesn't mean that anymore. Cause it used to be. No, what it means is this is a curvature.

We think we'll sell with the name that we think we'll sell. And it has nothing to do with the player's actual curve. Well, I learned I was a goalie, and so all of mine was just like, well, these all look pretty similar to me. Whichever one I liked the most. So that's as much Teresinko stick as a Teresinko jersey is a Teresinko jersey. No, no, the one that you would have bought,

if it's signed, what they sell are game sticks. So they don't reuse sticks. So if he played the whole game and he didn't break it, they just put that over there in a pile and then send those off because they play with a new one every game or sometimes every period. I used to play with a game stick. They sold them used at the local hockey supply shop around here in the Hurricanes. And it was always my backup stick because it was designed for someone with freakish strength you know it was hard it didn't flex very well and and i i guess if i was a professional athlete it would be wonderful but as a regular dude it was just like a steel bar

so yeah it's like this is this is beyond my level like i don't have the time to go do like the nhl quick forearm trainer for 12 weeks and get myself ready to give these snapshots a whirl like i don't have the time to go do like the nhl quick forearm trainer for 12 weeks and get myself ready to give these snapshots a whirl like i just need something to use oh yeah no i like him uh floppy you like him snappy like that oh i was gonna say snappy but this would be snappy in the arms of a gorilla you know like it i like them snappy for regular people that's what i like i have uh oh go ahead kyle i have some ama questions here and uh just maybe you want to dig through those see if there's any of note although i see one here that's just a quick one for me kyle what is your p.o box address again i work at lgs and i'm going to send you some goodies. You can't buy.

It is one zero two PO box, one zero two Carnesville, Georgia, three zero five, two one. Yeah. Send me all kinds of stuff. It's fun.

I like cracking that thing open like Christmas. There's a, this is like a kind of gaming one. We don't do gaming as much. What are your favorite games of all time? Let's make it a list of three so we're not just listing shit off um uh you know cod for multiplayer let's just make that my multiplayer one um uh fallout for story i think because i really like the uh the wasteland aspect a little bit more than the skyrim mythical kind of kind. Oh, Skyrim is incredibly good. And so was Oblivion, all the Elder Scrolls stuff.

But I'm going to say Fallout there. And I don't know, one more that's a completely different genre. Maybe Civ for you? Yeah, yeah, there you go. That's it, yeah. So Civ, COD 4, and... Yeah, if I'm working okay. I guess for me, Black O ops 2 was the height of the series

that was my favorite uh i like borderlands one a lot i i don't know i just spent a lot of time in that game that's a fun game i had a good time with the people i played with in that game i think that might color my opinion a little and uh shucks i'm trying to pick a third i don't know i'll go old school and say asteroids or something i used to play that as a kid and uh this is on the atari 2600 and i could play forever and flip the score like 17 18 times on some of the easier game modes i liked it that's a good one i wouldn't i never played that very much obviously i'd say skyrim for the opposite of what kyle said because i like the fantasy mythical shit more than the wasteland

uh age of mythology because that or age empire probably age of mythology because i like the fantasy shit and rts like i played that as soon as it came out that's such a fucking good game and um oh god cod 4 can't not be in it cod 4 has to be in it i've like if there was a graph like a bar graph of how much time i've spent in every first person shooter like they'd have to you know do one of those graphs where there's like a cut at the how much time I've spent in every first person shooter. Like they'd have to, you know, do one of those graphs where there's like a cut at the top and it says like, actually this extends five times longer,

but we ran out of paper. Like that kind of graph would be for cod four compared to all the other cods I played. I would imagine. Cause it's, it's just better. And it's not, now that I've played it again,

I'm almost convinced it's not even nostalgia goggles. I just, it's better. Anywho. Okay, there's another. Let's see. I think I had another one here. Yeah, this guy wants to lose weight.

Let me find him. Yes, it's on point because we're all going to be healthy now. Question for all. Just graduated from college in the winter. Not a good job. Got a good job Just graduated from college in the winter. Not a good job. Got a good job coming out of college in logistics. I bought my first house and I got married. Man, things aren't starting well for you. Now the next step is to lose weight. Sounds like it's okay. It sounds that way, doesn't it?

That's what society tells you to think. Next step is to lose weight, though, and I don't know where to start. Growing up, I was into sports, football, baseball, and hockey, so I ate whatever I wanted, and then I would just burn it off. That ain't going to work anymore. When I finished high school, I kept eating the same way, but now I wasn't working out anymore, so I began to gain weight. Currently, I'm at 320 pounds and was anywhere between 260 and 280 in high school, depending on what season I was in. What do I do and where do I start? It is overwhelming.

Thanks for any response. You want to lead off on that one, Kyle? Yeah, you got to change not only how much you eat, but what you eat. You're a big dude. you can eat a lot um but it's got to be the right stuff you can't you got to cut the sugar out that's the main thing like like i'm not going to write you some kind of a like diet but just broad strokes cut cut as much useless sugar out as you can um you know there's no need to look at the back of every package maybe avoiding a single gram of it but stop eating candy and soda and And, uh, you're going to have to get physically active every day, or at least three to five days a week. You got to be doing something every day and burning calories off. Um, it's got to be a lot of calories over a long period of time, and it's got to be consistent. And the same

is true for your diet. That's the only way to do it. As far as physical activities, I don't know, you're 320 pounds. You're a young guy though. So impact probably isn't a big deal. Maybe something that you enjoy doing. Like my, my recommendation would be to find some kind of an, some kind of a group activity. There there's all kinds of dodgeball leagues and extreme Frisbee leagues and Frisbee golf and stuff. You need to be in a a get back and what you're used to which is a team sort of sport kind of thing um that's the kind of physical activity you start out doing so go back to that find a league like a hockey league a softball league do that i don't know if there's like men's football leagues or i know there's men's baseball but that doesn't burn as many

calories but if you did like a men's hockey league or just for because of the weight you're at right now um the eating is gonna be the the first thing to check off because if you get in your head like oh i'm just gonna start going to the gym and then you just eat exactly the same that's the worst possible thing you can do because you're gonna feel burnt out from the gym and you're also not gonna see any results at all and you'll just be like well this is a fucking waste of time i'm done with this so diet's the first thing you got to do. And I'd recommend getting an app, like a tracking app, or just keep a list. MyFitnessPal is fucking great. And force yourself every single day to enter every single thing you eat. And if you actually do it, you'll realize if you, you know, maybe the first day what you do is you just enter everything on a normal day of

eating to see what your baseline is. Like what about that is, or you could just go online and see like, oh, I weigh 320 pounds and I'm six foot tall or whatever height you are, and it'll tell you a roundabout of how many calories you're eating to maintain that way. in those apps and if you do it honestly so if you make fucking i don't know something on the grill and you're like oh grilled chicken and i'll just paint some barbecue sauce on it like you got to add that shit too like you can't cheat yourself and you will end up cheating yourself if you don't take it seriously it's just it's one of those things where until you want to change it you won't change it and so you got to really buckle down, force yourself to start tracking everything you eat. And I guarantee one week from when you start, you won't even want to stop because at the weight you're at, you will already be seeing some water weight loss results. Like you're going to start dropping. Even if you don't work out it for the first two months of this, you just eat, I don't know, 1500 calories a day. You're going to drop weight fucking quick, especially at the age you are. So just do that. Enter it in. Keep track of your shit. Stay around whatever calories you can lose like two pounds a week on and then write in again and let us know how you're doing because we're right here with you. You can do it. A little bit of self-shaming every morning. Look at yourself in the mirror. I'm not even joking. Look at yourself in the mirror and kind of get a little mad at yourself.

Don't be like, oh, body positivity. I'm i'm pretty the way i am no because that's just poisoning your own mind because you're nine your mind knows that you don't like what you're seeing so don't lie to yourself look at yourself and grab your belly and you go what have you done like get it and get it together like i do that sometimes i do that often where one thing i'll do is i'll stand sideways in the mirror with my shirt off or just like naked after the shower whatever and i'll like kind of stand in like a, a, a hunched position to like really make it worse. And then I'll like slap myself in the stomach and see how far, like any, any ripples travel. And then I'll like, look, and I'll be like, look at that. I did this to the point that I was laughing at myself in the mirror yesterday where I was like, look at that. You fat piece of shit. Tap your stomach and your back wiggles. What the fuck are you doing?

And I was just mad. And I started laughing about it, but it also got it in my head. Like, no, like, be levity with it, but also, like, hold your feet to the fire. You got to keep yourself in it. I don't want any levity in my bathroom shaming. I flagellate myself half an hour every morning, half an hour every evening. I flagellate myself half an hour every morning, half an hour every evening, just beating the shit out of myself like it's that fucking Tom Hanks movie where they're trying to find the fucking Holy Grail or whatever that bullshit was about. That was a bad movie.

Yeah, self-shaming really is pretty key because you have to feel bad about yourself if you're gonna feel good about yourself it's not like you get in shape and you feel good about yourself in addition to the way you used to feel no you used to feel like shit that's what's important to remember and it's what everybody fails to mention it's not that we're starting at a baseline and we're trying to get better no you're in a hole yeah you gotta get out of the hole first like it's people think about with it i think is like you put it in your head like oh if i do this what it's gonna be eight ten months until i'm happy or that it's like no as soon as you start working to improve yourself you're gonna start feeling better about yourself because you'll be like like every time you turn down a piece of

bunt cake or whatever the fuck it won't be like oh i'm depriving myself it will be a little bit but it'll mostly be like look at that i'm actively taking a step in the right direction and you'll start to feel better about yourself it'll compound you'll get like it's so give it a go man we all believe in you yeah and we're all on the same kick right now i'm trying to gain some weight i think taylor's trying to lose some weight and uh and so we're all in our own little workout programs i'm i'm eating right now, drinking a lot of water, and we're using our kettlebells. Taylor picked up some kettlebells, said that he liked them a lot, and I've got my own kettlebells now. Oh, look at that. We lost Woodrow. Well, then it is very good that Chiz is recording. Wonderful that Chiz is recording. Well, welcome to the Kyle Show.

Welcome to Kyle and Frank. We're going to be talking about communism. Let me slip another ad read in here, and maybe our fearless leader will return at some point. Tell everyone about ZipRecruiter. Are you hiring? Do you know where to post your job to find the best candidates? Posting your job in just one place isn't enough to find quality candidates anymore. If you want to find the perfect hire, you need to post your job on all of the top job sites, and now you can. With ZipRecruiter.com, you can post your job to 100 plus job sites, including social media networks like Facebook and Twitter, all with one click. Find candidates in any city or industry nationwide. Just post once and watch your qualified candidates roll in with

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So you got your kettlebell. You haven't started using it yet. I use it today. Yeah, twice. Well, see, I got the 20-pounder. It came much earlier than the 30-pounder. So I've been using the 20-pounder and just doing some basic stuff with it. And I'm always running. How's the 30-pounder in terms of weight?

It's heavy. It's fucking heavy. I mean, without saying 20 pounds. So I'm trying to choose my own weight. Here's what I would recommend. I like lightweight stuff, honestly. Like, when I'm doing, like, free weight workouts, I end with a 15 pound weight every single time. Like I'll start the heaviest free weights I have are 35 pounds. I'm doing curls and I'm doing like hammer things like coming back and and presses and all kinds of stuff and all kinds of awkward exercises like raising them up in front of me and stuff and making stuff hard. like raising them up in front of me and stuff and making stuff hard.

But by the end I'm at a 15 pounder and that, and it's still just as hard because my muscles are wearing down and I don't know anything about building muscle, but that seems to help for me. So I would get like a 15 pounder and a 25 pounder, something like that. I don't fucking know what I did do. What I did. I think I might be a little stronger than you is I got a 20 pounder and a 30 pounder. And whenever I start lifting weights, like that first two or three weeks, they call them noob gains. I get, I get like 10% stronger in the first three weeks. And then that plateaus off, of course, and I become a normal human being

like everyone else, but I'm going to, that 30 pounders heavy this week. It just won't be heavy next month. It just won't be. Yeah. I I won't be yeah okay i i'm thinking i'm thinking i'm gonna order like either a 45 or a 41 just to have a slightly heavier one push a little more but your robot woody how much do you weigh taylor uh right now like 192 okay yeah uh i'm one last week you were saying the 35 was oh no no you're caught up now i think you're caught yeah the 35 is fucking heavy but like i want to have one just like i want to have the heavier one before I'm even ready for it 100% so that, like, as I'm doing the workout, I could be like, all right, I feel comfortable in the form of this at 35. Let's give it 45. And maybe I do it and I'm like, oh, my elbow's all out here and it's fucking awful.

Okay. Now, nope, you're not ready for that yet. But I don't know. It's fun. I really like these workouts. Like, it doesn't feel like traditional dumbbell shit. I like the way you're balancing it the whole time in your hand. Your grip strength is getting better.

I'm sweaty as fuck after all of these exercises. And I love anytime you start working out again, what Kyle was talking about, the noob gains, where for the first four to six weeks or so, you're just bulking up, not even bulking up, because these aren't super heavy weights, so I'm not going to be building a ton of mass. I'll just be leaning out and building some lean muscle. You're making your muscle fibers more effective.

They work like this ratchet system where they slide, and the protein fibers are grabbing each other and clasping and pulling like this, and you're making them better at that. You're making them more efficient. So the same amount of muscle fiber is just getting more work done. I think some of it's technique too. New gains. And a lot of it's for functional strength,

which is what I like about kettlebells. Like what you were saying the other day, Kyle, about like, yeah, I don't really ever need to push people off of my chest while laying flat on my back. But if someone hands you a heavy awkward box and you've been doing exercises like this for a while and you have to like do that thing where like you can't get your arms all the way to the back so you have to like finagle it like that's

something that'll make it easy i am on the other end of the spectrum taylor i am completely out fuck functional strength as a matter of fact i would give up% of my strength if I looked good in the mirror. I would be willing to make that tradeoff. I don't give a fuck how strong I am. I'm actually plenty strong enough. I never go through my day and wish I could carry heavier shit. But I do often wish that I was sexier. So that's where I stand.

I would like to be stronger. I value strength. There are occasionally things that I'm not strong enough to do that. God damn it. It's usually like – You need some sort of machine to do it for you. But I like to be able to do it myself. I like to be able to hug a whole fucking water heater and pick up 200 pounds and walk at 50 feet.

I want to be able to do that. I can. It's just real fucking hard. I want to be able to do that. Yeah, you want to be able to do that. And it's just real fucking hard. Yeah, I want to be able to lift my body weight. I want to be able to do 10 chin-ups. These are some baseline fucking physical fitness things that I like to be able to do. I like to be able to reach up to a ledge and pull myself up.

I call those Gandalf pulls, right? Yes. I like to be able to do that. I see people who can't do that in the movie. I have this thought only when I'm working out. If I'm working out, I always do a lot of pull-ups and chin-ups. I like that exercise a lot, and I have a special piece of equipment for it. Then when I'm doing that and I'm getting good at them, I see a movie where a guy is like, like Gandalfing. And I'm like, bitch. I don't fuck the fuck back up. And you ever push yourself out of a pool,

you know, like that maneuver. If you're weak, that's hard. But if you're strong, you're like, everybody look. Maybe you like do it slow. Like your arms look good when you do it and everything. You press your whole body out of the pool or whatever. And we're ignoring the real

biggest reason, which is girls. That's the real biggest reason for any way to get in shape much better is girls. And also an ulterior thing, I've got to be able to I've got to get some real packed lean muscle if next

time Kyle and I go on a trip, I'm going to have any chance of fighting him and overcoming the fact that he knows how to fight and roll. So I'm going to have to really be a lot stronger than him and hope for the best. I don't know how well it'll go for me. You're quite a bit stronger, I think. I think you've got a lot more functional strength or whatever you're talking about. I think you do. You're bulky. Your bones are bigger for sure. I bet if we looked at our skeletons side by side, I bet your skeleton weighs like 4% more than mine or something like that.

Yeah, 20% of it's in my skull. I was counting that. I don't get the skull involved. I'm thinking how I do it. Taylor's definitely stronger than me, without a doubt. But I'd still give it a go. I'm down. To bring on Taylor, and then after I'm still give it a go. I'm down.

To bring on Taylor, and then after I'm tired, a toothless tiger with no claws. A toothless tiger. See, I was more joking, because there's no way, like, I could beat Kyle. Even if I'm much, much stronger than you in a fight, like, if I really push it to the limit, you, that's the thing about jiu-jitsu, is you're going to know the moves. You're going to know. I've got four months. No, no. I have four months of Brazilian jiu-jitsu is you're going to know the moves. You're going to know. No, I have four months of Brazilian jiu-jitsu.

The first several weeks of it are just basic shit. I know how to keep you from killing me, and I could probably get you off of me, and I could keep from dying. You wouldn't beat me to death. I could probably keep you in my guard and keep control of your hands and keep you from killing me, but the odds of me, like, sweeping you and getting on top and fucking putting you in a head-arm choke or a Kimura or something, like,

you're probably just too strong for that. And I'm far too... That's what I would think you would do. I would be afraid to go up against either of you, because every move would be like, oh, I'm probably just playing right into their schemes of what they want me to do. Are you willing to let me start in a rear naked choke

on your back? Can we do that? Only if I'm allowed to stand as you do it and there's a concrete wall behind us. And then I can just run back. Yeah, that was ridiculous. Remember, is that what Wing said? He said that like... Yeah, but I didn't get to pick on him. I was just trying to make jokes. Yeah, that was ridiculous. Remember, that was – is that what Wing said?

He said that, like – Yeah, but I didn't get to pick on him. I was just trying to make jokes. Yeah, of course. Fine. Yeah, I would get buttfucked if someone starts on your back. But, yeah, I would like to go to – I don't even know if I'll ever end up doing it, but just go in to get the amount of experience, like, you have, not even that much. Because when people say, like, oh, someone who has a cursory knowledge

of Brazilian jiu-jitsu has a huge advantage in a fight over someone who's much stronger but has no idea what they're doing. Like there's gotta be a lot of truth to that. Where you just, not like the hokum of like, oh, he threw his punch so hard and I redirected the energy.

But like, oh, I knew to grab his arm here and do that. And then now he's in a Kimura twist or whatever. I know how to do a takedown. We practiced a lot of single legs and a lot of double legs. We worked on gable grips a lot, different takedowns. We worked on judo throws. We worked on passing guard, keeping people from passing your guard. But not an inkling close to what Woody knows.

Woody will choke you to death if he wants to. Yeah. Yeah, I would not feel confident at all going against him. I might too, but afterwards I'd be like, can you believe it? I choked him to death. Woody'd be like, yeah, I choked him to death again. He knows. He's got it.

I certainly don't have the years of experience in rolling that he does or any kind of... It's a real cursory knowledge that I have. But yeah, I think it's effective. I'm glad that I do have it. But I don't think of myself as some sort of martial artist in any way. I just know a few things that are helpful. I felt like learning to do double legs and drilling them was the most important thing we ever did. Because I'd stand there and this guy who I thought,

if I saw him in the street, I'd be like, I wouldn't want to tangle that guy. And then he'd go to take me down, and I'd be like, you can't take me down. Are you fucking serious? You can't take me down? It would surprise me, because it was a black guy. He was maybe 5'10", and he just had these big arms,

these thick shoulders, and I was like, he's going to take me down. But I could stuff him. I could keep him from taking me down. And in the same regard, like I could take down people. It's a lot easier to fucking just, you're lifting so little and the momentum's going with you. And then they're on their back and you're on top. And if you do it just right, maybe the wind's knocked at them. Maybe you crash on top of them and like make the hard parts of you hit the soft parts of them. It's, uh, that was, I felt like that was the most useful technique we ever learned like when we're learning head arm chokes i was like all right well

i've got to be able to recognize all these positions and and be and put myself in this position and make sure he's in that position i need to get his arm over there gotta get his arm over there when is that gonna happen like when is a fight even gonna really happen but i felt like the takedown and takedown defense stuff was real effective last night i was scared so i'm in this like fleabag motel right and uh i don't know how to describe it but on the door there was this tapping like right they weren't knocking it was just tapping and there's nothing near this door that would do that it's not like there's tree branches or anything and uh in my head i built up this scenario where someone's at the door just trying to lure me to it you know like that and i there's a peephole on it and it's you know like a motel where every room has its own door so i'm looking out the peephole and there's nothing going on. And it's nothing of a story.

I'm just in here, like, feeling a little fucked up. And I don't know why. I had this vibe that there were people there doing it, that it wasn't natural, that it wasn't like someone was tapping on my door. And I couldn't spot them through the peephole. And I didn't have my gun. Someone rapping, almost tapping, tapping on my door. And I couldn't spot him through the people, and I didn't have my gun. Someone rapping! Almost tapping. Tapping on my chamber door.

And I made a conscious decision. I'm like, I'm not going to bring the gun into the hotel room, or motel room, because, like, you have to account for it. Like, I don't want it sitting on the counter, like, if I don't bring it with me, or something. It's like i'm gonna

keep it locked in my truck and whatever and now i was desperately wishing that i had it because i don't know what's coming and in the end i just kind of waited it out and nothing happened but i don't know i didn't like it that's scary presently my soul grew stronger hesitating then no longer sir said i or, truly your forgiveness I implore, but the fact is I was napping, and you so gently came a-rapping, and so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door, that I scarce was sure I heard you. Here I opened wide the door, darkness there and nothing more.

Now tapping, steady tapping at my chamber door. I could have listened to the whole thing. I really like that poem. You know what my favorite rendition of The Raven is? It's super lame. It's the goddamn Simpsons, man. They killed it. They fucking killed it.

It was so good. And Homer's acting it out. The gentle rustle of the curtains and everything the whole thing it's great simpsons used to be really really good and that's easy to forget if you watch a current simpsons episode like if you watch season five through ten five through eight maybe and even some of like the earlier ones too but i'm just talking about the latest when they were still really good i think it's like five to eight, where that Cape Fear episode is, when

Homer bursts in and he's like, Bart, would you like a brownie before you go to bed? As he's brandishing a butcher knife. Which I understand more now that I watched Cape Fear. Yeah, that's why I recommended that. When you said you hadn't seen Cape Fear, I was like, you gotta see Cape Fear, man. De Niro gets pumped up.

That's the kind of workout program. We talk about this too much. I don't want to beat this dead horse into a pulp, but whenever I see De Niro and Cape Fear bulked up, I'm like, just tell me what you ate, Bobby. What did you eat? What did you lift? How long did it take? Do I

need to eat 3,000, 4,000 calories a day? How do you get that big for a fucking movie and then become Robert De Niro again in six months? Yeah. He wasn't just big. He was ripped. He was skinny and strong. He was like a different person.

It was amazing. Imitating. And especially when you contrast that between his taxi driver character who was lean and mean and just like he, you know, he was not bulky at all. He was just, he was like almost like a Bruce Lee type, like really cut low fat, low body fat percentage. Yeah. Kind of, kind of build. Yeah. I'll stick another advertisement in here is Chiz around because we need to coordinate for that one in a bit. It's

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which is unusual. Usually anytime someone's anonymous, the positive stuff doesn't come out on the internet. Yeah, I saw that. A lot of people were saying that they were currently in the market for a computer and they're like, ah! Problem solved now. So that's always cool to see.

I like when the fans out there enjoy our sponsors and use them. You should have Richard Bryan on. He will surely buy something. He always does. Yeah, he will.

They're not a sponsor tonight or anything, but I got to mention my love for NatureBox. I ordered those. Actually, they sent those samples. That's right. We're going to talk about them next week, but quickly, coconut cashews were so goddamn good. If you're already doing NatureBox out there, again, they're not a sponsor tonight, but their coconut cashews are really, really, really good.

I brought the blueberry nom-noms and peanut butter nom-noms with me on this trip so I would have something to eat. And my intention was to save them for tonight in case they were our sponsor. We usually don't know who the sponsors are until the last minute. save them for tonight in case they were our sponsor. We usually don't know who the sponsors are until the last minute. And I failed. They are all eaten. And I'm glad they're not our sponsor tonight because I did not have any left.

So they ask us to pick like four or five of our favorite snacks, and then they send them to us for free. And I picked like blueberry yogurt pretzels and some other stuff. And I had five bags of snacks basically, and I picked blueberry yogurt pretzels and some other stuff. I had five bags of snacks, basically, and I ate four of them already. I'm saving the one bag of jalapeno cashews. That'll be my showpiece. But it's sitting over there on my dresser in my bedroom,

and every day I look at it like, today could be the day, motherfucker. This could be the day. I don't know. We're doing like a nature box ad, but the one I haven't eaten is 500 miles away, and that's probably why. Actually, I made a couple I didn't eat, but yeah. It's because they're not here. So you're driving back

tomorrow? Nope. I think I'm driving back Monday or something. I had up to 15 days, so I just picked the maximum span I could have that only impacted one PKA. Oh, that makes sense. Yeah. And I'm sure you're glad you did that now after dealing with trying to get shows going in that hotel room. I tried so hard.

So first of all i i did everything i could think of to like prep like i made sure my mic worked with this crazy apple dongle and i had obs and i made sure like i did like test recordings without you guys the only part i couldn't do on my own was like getting skype to like put your audio and pictures through. I figured out the images pretty quickly, but the audio is trickier. In the end, Chiz is just kind of producing this week's show.

Which I'm sure he doesn't mind. He was going to be there anyway. He was. I was about to talk about a show that we spent way too much time talking about, and so never mind. Yeah, I get it. We all love the – but quickly, the deal is we all love The Walking Dead despite its many flaws.

There's just something about it that's hard not to watch, and maybe we spent a little bit too much time discussing The Walking Dead on last PKN. But Taylor is new to The Walking Dead, so we had to recap some of the old stuff with Shane and Season 2 and 3, but we apologize to anyone who was bored by our Walking Dead discussion. I love it. It's fucking good. We'll talk about Paramotors. Here I am in Florida, learning to fly all over

again. No, I actually intended that to be a joke, and now I'm leading into Paramotors. I'm very excited. I had some great flights. I got completely upside down, which I had never done before, and I'm learning a lot, and I'm not hurt. So everything is going well.

That's always the number one, that you didn't plummet from the skies. Yeah, I know people don't love Paramotoror park but this is like my version of disney world like i'm at it it turns out eric farewell has what is probably like the premier school in in america anyway i don't know about the world i was gonna say that but in america and uh and i'm just down here like partly with a bunch of new students like attending class and partly i break out and they give me like special attention because i'm not brand new and uh yeah like this is like what i would choose to do with my time if i had anything to like if i could do anything this would be it and then i'm having a cool time that's good i'm glad that you're still liking it and it wasn't like a uh

oh god damn it shouldn't have bought that four weeks ago what a waste like there was a moment about four weeks in where i felt that you know like i i was struggling with it and i'm like i swear if this was a 15 sport i might have just thrown it away and said this isn't fun you know like you would a video game or something yeah but you were like a cardinal in the catholic church you were in too deep you had to believe yeah yeah i was i put so much time into this uh so much money into this that i i i you know and i had like this mentor you guys probably saw brad in some of my videos and he told me what i was feeling he's like i've been there you know you're thinking should i even start this and uh you get past that and all of a sudden you feel like a superhero who

knows how to fly so anyway i won't go paramotor for ages but i'm having a pretty grand time here and i'm making some blogs or vlogs if people for those of you that i want to call you the 10% that do care about that sort of thing. There'll be footage coming up. So anyway, I will rat paramotor talk there. I mean, we can always talk about the fact that the Nashville Predators sweeping the Chicago Blackhawks is the first instance in history of an eighth seed sweeping the first seed. So there you go. Not only a failure on behalf of the Blackhawks, a monumentous one.

And so that's great. And so even now, if the Blues gets reverse swept, at least we won a couple. So there you go. Small victories. I can see Kyle dying. Kyle's starting to get Bill Cosby eyes over there. Listening to hockey talk, just glazing over.

Did you have something you wanted to talk about, Kyle? I feel like, oh. Oh, I thought he was legit, like, I don't know, like pretending to be fully disinterested. It turns out his video was frozen. Yeah. I thought it was just like keeping a stone face and kind of quietly objecting to the topic.

I thought it was the same thing because to be fair to us, that's exactly what he does every time. It's very, very still until it ends, like someone avoiding a bear attack but he's i'm sorry someone asked what vape you use i want to talk about vaping like i i don't know i want to say i don't get it without sounding like everyone who does get it is somehow wrong and i'm right for not getting it but i I don't get it. Like what do you, what does vaping deliver?

It's just like, you can get, uh, super super high nicotine levels in these things. If you want, I have like the lowest one, you can get it with zero or you can get it with like three or six or not like increments of three. There's someone out there it with like three or six or not like increments of three there's someone out there who's like yelling at their computer who like does this as a hobby because there are people who like have vapes as a hobby and that's their thing and that's fine whatever but i just kind of this one's fine i don't know the brand sdna no evolve there you go

and i don't know what this is the tank um just a regular silver one i suppose so it's nicotine is it and you do it for the nicotine for whatever that does yeah so you do it for the nicotine and also just it's got a cool flavor you can put a bunch of different stuff in there so i've got like some more like cool menthol ones and then I've got some citrusy ones. I don't know. It's just kind of neat. And then I keep it on the three... Tic-tac. A tic-tac doesn't do anything, but it tastes good, so you pop it.

Yeah, it's like that, and you get a little nicotine buzz when you hit it. What is that? Is that like caffeine? I don't know. Growing up, all they said is nicotine is the thing that makes cigarettes addicting and they never said that nicotine actually has something good about it if you're not into cigarette sales right yeah so like what i can like they will say like i'll smoke it or vape it or whatever and i can tell that there's like nicotine in there but it's such a

low amount that it's not like I'm getting blasted with it. Cause like if I'm with, you know, drinking at a friend's house or something and we're barbecuing and they're like, hey, you want to, you know, and everybody's having a cigarette or something. And I'm like, oh yeah, I'll have one right now, whatever. And like, I'll take a drag of a cigarette

and be like, oh, whoa, like, okay. That's, that feels like actual, like a buzz, like a more of a head rush. And so it just, I don like actual, like, a buzz, like more of a head rush. And so it just, I don't know, it must be the nicotine in this is weaker, I guess, compared to a cigarette, or maybe the cigarette has extra stuff. I just know that, like,

the little nicotine buzz I get from that thing is way different than, like, if you've been puffing on a cigar for, like, half an hour or something like that. I'm such a drug idiot. I feel like I don't get buzz somehow it's not like alcohol right it doesn't make you laugh at things that aren't funny and and make bad decisions like that's what a buzz a buzz is kind of a light-headed dizzy feeling

yeah it can be like a light-headed dizzy calm like buzz just means that whatever substance you're currently doing is psychoactive in my understanding and so it's like yeah you have a buzz from alcohol but if you have a buzz from alcohol like you can't uh you know people will notice and they'll be like hey that guy's uh you know drunk or whatever like they'll they'll know if someone's like got a buzz on cocaine i don't know how you'd notice right away unless like started nose started bleeding or something that guy's on the ball yeah that guy's really amped up and he's buzzing on something like with nicotine though it's so low level i see it like above caffeine but like miles below any other altering that's what i was gonna say like i get caffeine like caffeine sometimes i take caffeine before the show and i just i don't know i'm a little more hyped i maybe get somewhat chatty

and like acutely interested you know like i guess there's a ceiling on it would be a good way to say so like if i like if you sat there woody and you smoked 10 cigarettes back to back just like chain smoking them you would you'd feel bad at the end of it like you'd feel sick like yeah you might vomit but at the end of it you wouldn't be like so out of it that you couldn't function like we'd still be like hey how you feeling woody you'd be like oh this sucks like gosh i have a headache from cigarettes he's gonna be pretty green okay i'm just okay five cigarettes i know i'm comparing it like two but if then he takes five shots of liquor like that there's no ceiling on that so after that fifth shot of liquor if he takes a sixth seventh eighth one he's gonna keep amping up and be in

shit town pretty quick whereas with a cigarette just because it's it's nicotine and not alcohol like you're not gonna ever get to a point where it's like dude that guy was so buzzed on hookah he was making crazy decisions like all night long like that strawberry you know shisha or whatever they call it uh really got him buzzed really really ruined his night like i don't know i told you guys we used to go to a hookah bar in high school around here and one of my friends just an asshole we were sitting around you know those hookahs with like four hoses on it yeah and everybody's sitting around just hanging out and we were passing like the hoses there's like eight of us there and two of the people like you put your thumb on the hose when you're not using it so that when someone else is sucking from the hose they're not sucking air in they're

like getting a full hit of it so everybody's got like their thumb on the end and like ever like you're smoking it one at a time or whatever and this my friend was like i'm gonna take a huge hit i'm gonna take a huge hit and i'm gonna blow giant smoke rings and we're like all right spence whatever man and he like starts to go and he goes like like just eyes focused on like the bubbling of the thing like really trying to like get it and beforehand he was doing that thing like you get all your air out of your lungs to get that big hit because hookah smoke is very thick and like thick thick big white smoke clouds very noticeable and my friend who was sitting at the hose across from like had also sneaked the hose into his mouth and he was not inhaling he was burping and he was he was burping and blowing into the hookah like just like you know when you have those like old

man burps where you burp and then you slowly blow it out he was blowing it in and like this guy was taking it expensive like he got halfway through his hip and then just and like and almost like vomiting because he was like what the fuck? Did somebody breathe into there? Everybody's laughing. They're like, yeah, Tyler just burped three full belly burps right into there and you breathed them all in. He's like, oh, that's fucking disgusting.

Fuck you guys. And understandably, because if someone had done that to me, I would have been upset. I hate that. And I feel like I'm still ruined by it. Your burp is in my lungs. This could take all day. I don't really have evidence. I'm still ruined by it. Like, your burp is in my lungs. This could take all day.

Like, I don't really have evidence. I'm contaminated now. Yeah. Am I going to have your burp, baby? Am I going to get pneumonia from your lung breath? Yeah. Yeah, I'm ruined. I might as well start a new life.

Oh, I don't know why that popped in my head. I thought that's where it was headed, too. I was like, God, I hope he doesn't blow in there or pop in there or something awful. Man, those really fell out of vogue once everybody was old enough to drink. Where it was like, hey, where do you want to go? The hookah bar? It's like, what? No, the regular one.

Like, the one where it's not. Yeah, some surly 19-year-old bringing coals over to put on your fucking hookah thing. Yeah, horrible. Horrible customer service there. Looking back, those surly attendants were probably drug dealers.

Woody looks like he hears something over there. I do. Then this ebony bird beguiling my face by the grave and stern decorum of the countertops its war. Though the crest be shorn and shaven,

though I am, I'm done reading this. This is ridiculous. I'm done reading this. It's not fun anymore. I like your poetry more. I feel like Kyle with VR goggles. Like, I'm just so vulnerable. I'm really not aware of what's happening.

And every so often, there's, like, scratching on, like... This is what you get for getting a $30 motel. Like, I don't want to shit on your decision here, but goddamn, you get that $135 a night Hampton Inn suite, and they have a nice internet, a nice bed, and nobody comes rapping, slightly tapping, tapping your chamber door. You're totally right.

I didn't care. Like, I have really low standards. They told me that some of these rooms have bed bugs, and I still fucking booked it. They did not tell you there were bed bugs and you still booked. Do you know how bad those are? Those will get back in your house and get everybody. Dude, I've had –

I figured it was probably an exaggeration or something. I don't know. But, like, they're like, oh, it's terrible. Don't stay there, et cetera. Dude, there's, like, 100 rooms here and maybe four cars. Like, no one's staying here. But I look at the room, and I swear to me, this is just a regular room. I don't know. cars. No one's staying here. They read the Angie list. To me, this is just

a regular room. I don't know. It looks like a hotel. That's the thing that happens to me in neighborhoods too. People are like, oh yeah, the projects here are terrible. These just look like small houses to me. I don't see it and think that this is

a derelict neighborhood. That noise is the bedbugs trying to get back home. You've locked them out. They're rap-tap-tapping on your chamber door. Bedbugs are no fucking joke. I don't know if I've actually had

them, but there was a time, I think my sophomore year in college at the place I was living at the time wasn't very nice. you're sophomore in college you don't fucking need something nice and like for over the course of like a week i'd wake up and find like red marks on my arm or leg or something maybe a little bit sore and i like looked it up and i was like oh it could be fucking bed bugs i was like oh that's disgusting before i burn all my things i'm gonna buy this plastic mattress wrap and wrap it around there

because apparently they'll just suffocate if they're actually just living in there. And after I did that, no more problems with bedbugs or no more problems with anything. And so maybe it wasn't even bedbugs and it was something else. But if you look online,

those are fucking brutal. Like if you get those bad- I feel obligated to defend myself a little bit here um i stayed here two weeks ago and the internet connection was very good it's a different room that room is out of order now but i felt like i had scoped it out also specific wi-fi what's your room number 1408 so the thing is, with the door that leads straight outside, like the first night I was here, the hangar and stuff was all closed. So I just was able to carry the paramotor right in.

You can't really do that at like the Hilton. You know, your room is sixth floor or whatever. Like you can't bring your paramotor in. Yeah, they make you scale the side of the building. They don't even have an elevator. When you open that door, are you already out in the parking lot? Yeah, they make you scale the side of the building. They don't even have an elevator. When you open that door, are you already out in the parking lot? Yeah, yeah.

It is more convenient in a motel. Because it's a motel. I hate staying in motels where you open the door and the parking lot is there. Because no matter what, I don't know what it is, I have a fear that when I'm asleep, someone is going to... Oh, I've seen that exact scene on Cops many times.

Yeah. Season 4. Yeah, right there. When the sugar broom come for you. I always have a fear that someone's going to be driving recklessly late at night and they're just going to careen through the wall and kill me. That probably happens

very, very rarely, but even in someone like a Honda Civic they just boom! through the wall and kill me. That probably happens very, very rarely, but somebody in a small... Even in someone like a Honda Civic. They just, boom! They'll plow right in and kill you. I don't know. I'd rather be elevated. How great would it be if he opened that door and there's some creepy fucking

guys in robes out there tapping, and they're like, oh, he caught us. Dude, right now, first of all, just to give you an idea of how financially successful this place is, do you see any other cars out here? There's one dumbass in this whole hotel.

You know? It's just, it's me. All these parking lot spaces are... When you walked into the booking area, before you said anything, did they say, Hello, Mr. Woodworth. Welcome back.

Welcome back. Yeah, you're going to be in a painting somewhere like at the end of The Shining. Yes. He's just a name in a guest book now. Yep. That's how this all that's all that's how this all plays out yeah that uh place you can play your porn at full volume nobody cares that's the kind of place you can film your porn at full volume that's a snuff film they don't even use that for porn

that's where they like murder someone in the bathtub and then people buy it on the dark web i've seen that wall in many an isis video you come here there's only one truck out there right there's only one car and on the doorknob i have the do not disturb thing so when i'm hearing that like tap tap tap i'm like those fuckers obviously know we're the only person in this place is right like i'm i'm advertising peek out the window? Because I didn't want them to know I was currently in the room. What it is, is it's bugged.

Why did you not want them to know? Because it would confirm that there's someone here and no one else around. The only thing that will make them come in through your door forcefully is if they don't think anyone's there. I thought they wanted me.

No, no one wants you. You should, as a grown man, you're an okay looking guy, but just to be clear, nobody wants you bad enough to come through that door and take it. Okay? That's all I'm saying.

They're tapping, hoping that you won't answer and they'll be like, ah, nobody's in there. Let's get a shit. He went out to dinner. Okay, the thing is, they weren't, like, standing in front of the door knocking on it.

In my head, it's probably nothing. There's probably palm trees or something, even though it's totally not palm trees. In my head, they were standing in a way that I couldn't see them at the peephole and tap, tap, tapping on the door. And by the way, it kept happening. Like it wasn't like. It wasn't someone at the door. What it was, it was bugs or mice crawling around in the walls of that motel, scratching on the walls. That's

definitely what it was. And somehow that makes me feel better. I mean, yeah, they'll at the very most give you a little nibble, you know, and then you just go get a rabies shot and you're good to go. It's not going to, you know, burst in and hostile you or anything. While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping, as if someone was gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door. To solicitor, I muttered, tapping at my chamber door. Only this. Nothing more.

Nothing more. Yeah, that's definitely, that's the telltale sign of a cheap motel. Those are little vermin and bugs sharing your room with you. So that's pretty gross. Well, my gun is worthless now, because I won't be shooting any mice i don't think blasting holes in the wall this is so fucking american i picture woody like going back to the door lady the front lady tomorrow and being like i want a second room yeah the one right behind mine and then you undo your fucking things, like

No Country for Old Men, and push all your stuff you don't want stolen into the goddamn air ducts, and then you go live in the adjacent rooms that... Does this place only accept cash? No, they take debit cards, it seems. They're gonna walk into that room and be like,

you've ruined it! And they'll be like, no, no, this is exactly what it was like when you gave it to me. You're like, no, it's not. You stole all the new appliances. You know? Whoever painted this place did a really poor job. Like, you can see that they didn't move things. Like, there's light fixtures and stuff.

And they just paint next to the light fixtures and leave, like, white gaps. This wall used to be white. It's obvious to me. This, that one. Yeah. Was white. It's obvious to me. That one. Yeah. Was white. Well, green does cover up blood. Yeah.

Or at least makes it feel festive and Christmassy. I travel with a blacklight. I got off Amazon. I like to look for the stains. Oh, no. Ignorance is bliss, my friend. Yeah. I'm on the other team on this one, Kyle.

Dude, if you give me a black light in a hotel room I have, I will politely hand it back to you and be like, no, because I'll just end up in my car if I turn this off. No, thank you. No, thank you. No. I don't want to know. I got my car detailed yesterday. My car is 14 years old, and I don't think I had ever washed it. Like, ever.

There were times when I took a pressure washer and got the big chunks of mud off, but I never – it hadn't been cleaned since the day I bought it. And there's dents in every body panel. The bumpers, which I made myself, are now rusting, and they're out there, like, arm-rawling the tires and really cleaning it up. It looks – I don't mean to brag. It looks second-class right now. Like, it's the best it's been in quite some time. Not first-class. Let's not kid ourselves.

Of course. But the truck is clean. Yeah, there's something about, like, a work truck when it does get detailed and, you know, the tires are shiny and black and there's not any dirt on it. You're like, ah, that is nice. Every now and then I'll see a truck that's maybe 10, 15, 20 years old. It's not necessarily a classic or anything. It's just an old 95 Chevrolet, but it's been really well kept

care of and it's detailed. Wings has a nice truck and everything. It's not falling apart, but it's not all super shiny and detailed all the time like some of them you see somewhere. I like that look, I i guess i like old trucks right something about i like old trucks and i double like them when the guy bought it new like i think it's cool when a guy's like yeah i remember 1996 i bought this thing and uh i don't know i i think that's neat i was just thinking if uh someone attacked you in your

room maybe you could weaponize the paramotor somehow like strap it on your oh well dang yeah yeah you have to get it out it's in the bathroom is that what you said the hanger it's at the oh i'm just imagining like like like firing it up with like taking like taking the whole cover off the back so it's just an open prop spinning or whatever, and just using that as some sort of weapon maybe? Yeah, they would be trying to reach me through hurricane force winds, right? Yeah, and they might lose a finger if they reach into the Fury. People don't like paramotor talk, but our instructors have had some accidents, and they save the safety class for the end so that the students don't get, like, overly spooked. And today they showed these videos of, like, strangers and stuff hurting themselves, things going wrong, and the things you need to be aware of and how to correct it etc and uh and oftentimes like you know like oh this person made this

decision then this one and these four things in a row led up to this mistake yeah and then the instructors broke out their personal videos i mean they wear gopros the same way that like a cod guy uh has his game yeah just every time they fly they've got it cooking and it was so impactful to like like like dude that person teaching us that whole time that's your finger it the tip of his finger was just the the center of the bone. Like he got kind of degloved from his fingertip forward. And it was neat. Even in the footage, you can see him put the song on his phone.

So he has a setup so that he can listen to music when he flies. And he's flying. He launches. Everything is cool. As soon as he puts the music on, it changes his flying style. Like, and I know I've done that while driving too, right? Like all of a sudden, whatever song it is that revs you up, right? What's Taylor's one it's by maybe journey or something.

Oh, the final countdown. Final countdown, right? Like like like i'm guessing final countdown comes on and taylor drives 10 miles an hour faster well this guy had a similar effect on his paramotor flying and uh all so many of the accidents almost went fine you know guy hits the roof of a house two feet higher, no trouble at all. A guy hits the ground. He was just saving it, you know, six inches higher and there's no accident. And I, I, I'm, I'm, I've learned, it's like they taught us about safety through these emotional scars.

And I'm still like, like i i thought he wasn't hurt like you could i didn't even see the instant he got hurt but the very tip of his finger hit a spinning prop and uh he he he landed and it just looked like he got away with it. And then you get a glimpse of the injury and it's like, ah, rough one. Yeah, I like my fingers like a whole bunch, like probably more than the average person. And the average person loves their fingers. I don't want to lose any of them.

It's a big deal for me. I wear gloves. I'm really careful with machinery um i like them a lot his hand looks perfect like they were they've repaired it and if you met him you would have no idea but then he'll tell you like oh yeah this one it only bends like this and it he doesn't have the range of motion that he should have and it's just like I the I mean I could tell you I don't look the instructor I had the first time also had an accident and there's also video and I found out about it like a year later these guys took their video and showed it to you and it's it's still in my brain yeah you learn that because that's how we learn like like it's it's not how we should learn but

it's the way we learn the the quickest you fucking hurt yourself and you're like oh that's programmed in now like the the first time you walk around the back of a pickup truck and you put your shin into the ball of that truck, that's the last fucking time you do it because it hurts so goddamn much to kick a piece of heavy gauge steel that does not give an inch with your goddamn shin

that the next time you walk around the back of a truck, you give it a wide berth. I would imagine in a similar way that if you ever reached back and pulled one of those, from now on, of a truck you give it a wide berth and i would imagine in a similar way that like you know if you ever reached back and pulled one of those you the same thing is like touching a stove as a kid yeah yeah but i i'm trying to lay out like there's a difference between like some stranger in a youtube video having a problem and then like oh that happened to kyle or that happened to taylor you know and and i saw that hand with the skin off it and like it the fact that they shared their own stuff is what made it

such a big deal to me and then anyway it's in my head i try not to talk about paramotors because the guys who don't like it are very vocal but uh i can't get it between my you know a way i can't get it between my you know away I can't it's between my ears and it's stuck there and and it's the behaviors they were trying to correct against were not really aimed toward the people who learned to fly two days ago like those guys are just they're not doing anything cool it was aimed right at me you know like i'm a guy who's starting to feel like you know he's getting pretty good at this that that he's competent and they're like hey reel that shit in because you'll get bit and anyway man i i'm worried that you're gonna get degloved what do you i really do worry about you when you're when you're up in the skies buzzing around. I'm like, I'll

tell whoever I'm with, I'm like, yeah, Woody's out flying today. And they're always going, oh. And I'm like, yeah, I know, right? Fucker should have gotten a drag race car or something, you know? He could be going 200 miles an hour now, right now, but instead he's going 30

at 4,000 feet of altitude with a fan on his back and two quarts of gasoline i went to 6 000 innovation 6 000 feet is that a new high it was my personal record it was like 6 080 because ground level was 80 and i wanted to hit 6 000 feet like so uh i actually wanted to join the mile high club that was like my goal and i know that's not how you join the mile high club but work with me here you know and i didn't know exactly how the mile high club like i didn't what's a mile how many feet's in a mile do you guys know kyle is right kyle's right and but at the time i was like is is it 5280? Is it 5,800?

You know, is it 5,820? Like I just had the, I knew most of the numbers. It's certainly not a thousand meters. That'd be too easy. Yeah. So, uh, so I was like, all right, you know, like I'm going to clear that. And then once I got there, I was like, you know what? I'll just say 6,000.

So I went 6,080. So it was 6 6 000 feet above the ground and then i did all the way down cool so yes you're looking at a member of uh a newly defined mile high club excellent and like i said you go tandem get somebody else up there with you and you can join the real mile high club well you don't know what I did up there. That's true. Yeah! Take that, Florida! You backward fucking religious cunts with your anti-abortion

billboards and your cancer shoes. It's actually really cold. I don't know if I could even finish. Your cancer Jews. Is that what you said? I'm just saying that there's things that Florida has a lot of cancer and Jews and lightning and people flying around, apparently jizzing on people. I don't know.

It's a lightning capital of the world. Florida, the lightning capital of the world so when i heard you were on that first race that that that thing um i was like is he literally at altitude in the lightning capital of the world during inclement weather like like this is this the lightning run literally the perfect storm for getting like burnt alive yeah it seems like i would go to like like if it was like oh you should go do it in new hampshire new hampshire is known for how safe their skies are even the birds are considerate you'd be like all right i'm gonna go i'm gonna go fly in new hampshire but you know where's the most difficult place i'm going to florida well you know up until like going in like the mountainous area that'd be cool that's actually there's um actually... Paramotor talk.

I'm sorry, everybody. That Icarus thing I did around Florida, they do on a grand scale out west. It goes from Seattle to Vegas. It's really neat, but it's a little long for me. Motherfucker, that's like a

five-hour flight in a jet. Yeah. Yeah, that's like a five-hour flight in a jet. Yeah, yeah. It takes like six minutes or something. Like, Taylor, I mean, she said that several bus transfers. Yes, more than a few. And it probably takes about the same amount of time. Yeah, and they cross mountain ranges and stuff.

Yeah, big ones. Like in Northern California up there, like you're going over some big stuff. I've flown that flight and I got in a plane the way you're supposed to from Seattle to L.A. And that's mountainous. Man, you go down to the mountains. You got a whole different kind of like fly me home, like get your own made made for tv movie kind of adventure you do some shit like right yeah i ate my own foot to stay alive while they were searching for me shit yeah i hear you that's a milo and otis level quest you're working on yeah that's a relevant a relevant

reference that many people will get the incredible journey i don't know Milo and Otis. Is that the one where at the very end, the old dog comes? No, that's not the end. So Milo and Otis, I talked about about seven PKA's ago. It's the one with the little orange cat and the little pug dog. They begin as puppy and kitten and go on all these adventures in the world

after they get washed away in a stream. But the filmmakers killed like a dozen of each animal to get all the shots. They were like, they had like eight cats get eaten by snakes, like birds were eviscerating animals, like they were freezing to death. Snakes, like bear killed a couple of them.

I feel like I should honor those pets just by buying the movie. Milo and Otis is an excellent, an excellent kids movie. I grew up with that. I think it's a little too hardcore for like today's youth because you like see kittens get born out of a kitten pussy. You know what I mean? Like it shows you the circle of life. Like this cat and this little dog go out as kitten and puppy and they get washed away in this stream and they just go out into the world and they learn about the world. They each get their own counterpart to like make babies with.

And in the end, you know, they, they come back and find each other again and then they're voiced by people. There's no CGI mouths. Do you remember that one came out recently where like, I guess the, a dog and a guy get partnered up. And the thing about the movie is the dog dies, and then he comes back.

You know, like his soul goes into a dog's purpose. Thank you, Chiz. And then that new pet helps a new, like, human. And then, of course, the pet dies off, and he goes, and you see his soul do, like, a couple iterations, and then eventually he goes back to the first guy guy and that's as much as the trailer explained Those cheers just wrote that that movie will make you cry your ass off and it reminded me of the movie I was gonna say earlier that really makes me cry like the moment in Saving Private Ryan when?

At the end the old Private Ryan is at Tom Hanks' grave, and he's like, I hope I did enough. I tried. I hope I lived a good enough life to earn this. I hope I was worth it. Because at the end, Tom Hanks is like, earn this. Earn this. And he just breaks down on his knees, and he's crying, and I'm like,

God damn, I don't know if it was enough. I don't know if it was, but God damn it. How can it be? Like, five people died. How can one person be worth five? More than five. Like, the whole unit, right? Like, not to mention all the Nazis they killed to... The whole thing.

That's a really emotional moment when he gets on... He's on his knees as an old man. He's like really emotional moment when he gets on his knees as an old man. He's like, I hope it was enough. I cry at the beginning of the movie when he first walks to that grave and falls to his knees with the flowers and his family rushes to him and put their hands on his shoulder.

Super emotional. When I saw that movie, Saving Private Ryan, in the opening scene this is kind of like amphibious boat that drives just onto the shoreline drops a door and the soldiers all come running out well the germans were ready for them and they mowed down i'll make up a number like 24 american soldiers right away right they're like, you're playing zombies. They're just all sort of there in a pack. All of them die.

And I had never seen that before, right? Previously, all my war movies, Americans did curiously well, right? And they just, they made it against all odds through all these problems. And I was just like, it struck me as the more realistic thing. If you're taking a beach like that i i don't know how you're the first guy on the beach and survive like no you

don't like you you if you're like that's something that they knew going into it is like if you're on that first uh you know unit transportation you know aquatic vehicle whatever the hell is, and you're on one of those first lines and you're that dude with the rifle about to get out, you know that as soon as that door drops, some German dude has a fucking machine gun, not aimed maybe in your direction, absolutely aimed right at you. And the second he can,

he's going to empty into that. There were whole units of people who didn't even get onto the beach because they opened the door and they'd get blasted and they'd either drown or they'd just be caught in a trap basically. Like it was horrific. Yeah. It's almost like that first couple thousand guys are just there to make the guns get hot, to overheat German machine guns, to make them – to wear down their ammo, to blow holes in the defenses. Like it's a shitty way of looking at war, and that's not how we do

it these days. But those first guys and those landers, you had to know. Your odds are 1 in 25 of living, 1 in 35 of living, something crazy like that. If you're that first amphibious craft, doors locked down, and that MG-42 opens up, and it ain't just one. It's

that all those concrete bunkers up there full of these crack soldiers who know that what they're fighting for isn't Nazism or Hitler. It's their very lives because there's 250,000 Americans out there in those boats, and they're going to keep coming. It's not like if we kill the first hundred, they're going to turn around. They're just coming, and they're going to keep coming. I asked my boss about it at the time. Now my boss at this company, he had just left the Marines and he was the kind of guy who would know. He was an officer and he had gone to the Naval Academy to learn in the Naval Postgraduate School. And I'm like, why didn't they just bomb it? They bomb it, bomb it, bomb it it turn the whole damn beach gray you know with just bombs and he's like they did they did they softened it up the best they could taking a beach is really hard yeah yeah like they um they were shooting with artillery fire and all kind or the the the ship fire but part of it of course is they didn't want to give themselves away so

they can't bombard it for weeks leading up to it like we did with the Japanese islands. Like there was a lot of those Japanese islands where they just, they just bombed that island for like a week leading up to the invasion to like, there's not a fucking palm tree standing and shit. And that's why we always hear about the Japs down in those tunnels and bunkers and stuff. Cause we would fucking bomb those islands down to nothing. And they'd have to be hiding under a mountain to survive the onslaught. But with Normandy Beach, there was a whole deception making them not know

we're going to hit Normandy Beach, among the others we hit. They even sent Patton off on some... I don't remember where they sent Patton, but the Germans regarded Patton as like, oh, thank you, Chis, to Africa. They sent him off as a punishment for his silliness. He didn't believe in PTSD,

and he thought when a soldier broke down and couldn't go anymore, he was a coward. And he had this habit of slapping privates in the face like a fucking bitch and, like, dogging them out and calling them cowards, and he got in a lot of trouble for that. He ran his mouth a lot, I guess. I wonder how Patton would have done

if he wasn't high-ranking, right? Like, it's pretty easy to be brave here in my hotel room with me and the Bugs. It's maybe not that hard to be brave way back at the command center with your Patton. Patton was actually known for being a general who, like, he would go up to the front lines and talk to people. being a general who like he would go up to the front lines and talk to people like that's why he's still so popular with the entire military now is because they knew him as a general who specifically didn't do exactly what you're saying which is like all right forward like i'm gonna be back here in the command post but everybody let me go yeah have you ever seen the movie hit it up have you guys seen the movie with George C. Scott?

With that great monologue in the beginning? That's what I was about to say. We ought to just watch the goddamn monologue. That monologue is killer. He's like, Americans love the taste of battle. They inherently love war. It's what we do. He's going through this whole thing like,

America, America, America. America's never lost the war, and we never will. And he was pre-Vietnam, of course. He's just going through this whole thing. He America, America, America. America's never lost a war, and we never will. And he was pre-Vietnam, of course. He just threw this whole thing. He's just really pumping you up. It was a tie. Vietnam was a tie. You can't even break it down because it's like if either side wanted to destroy the other side of Korea

just in a war of wiping them out, they could have. It's not like lack of power that kept one side from doing it. But, well, yes, yes, Chiz. It was not a war. It was the great Vietnamese kerfuffle of the 60s. The great miscommunication.

As it is now known. Or the great lie, if you look at the Tonkin thing. Yeah, the Gulf of Tonkin with their sneakiness. We talked about that recently, though. Yeah, the whole false flag thing. Let me do our last advertisement here and tell everybody a little bit about Dawn of War 3. Right.

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Dawn of War 3 lets you take control of the biggest characters in Dawn of War history, command massive armies, and blistering galactic warfare, and tip the battle's balance in your favor. Dawn of War 3 will be released on April 27th and is available to pre-order right now. The open beta will take place from 10 a.m. Pacific time,

Friday, April 21st, until 10 a.m. Pacific time, Monday, April 24th. So register right now at donofwar.com slash beta. That's donofwar.com slash beta. Very cool. Yeah, check it out. You can download that right now. That sounds like a lot of fun.

I'm up for some new real-time stats. I'm actually looking at their website right now. That looks really cool. And yeah, we should find a new RTS thing to do. We should definitely get this when it comes out. I got to the point where I was just crushing Chiz at Magic so much. He just quit. So I think I beat him 30 times in a row.

I don't believe you i don't believe you is no you you you told me 27 times to be fair it's right around 30 something like that in a row um he kept changing decks he kept mixing things oh oh there's an official record here kyle no that's uh no no that was that's fake news. There are ties in Magic? There are bullshit games where something happened and we didn't count. I don't recall the exact number. Like it times out or there's problems like that in online stuff. It was a connection issue or something. I don't recall what the...

The way Chiz puts it here, Kyle's won 87 games and Chiz's won 42. Yeah, that's right. And then two no contests. No, he wrote it. He said 87-40. No, Woody, you don't have to backtrack. You got it right. See, Chiz is so conflicted about this, he doesn't even know his own

record. If they were Magic, he wouldn't have made the playoffs with that record. No. Not even close. No. He would have maybe barely made it in and then got swept in the first round. I'm sorry, guys. Chiz is writing in the chat.

And he did write 87-42 Kyle versus Chiz, implying Kyle's the winner, but he says that's backwards. And now, like, in all caps, he's like, God damn it. I spent so much money. I really fucking like Magic. I feel like my decks are pretty freaking strong right now.

Chiz's decks are very strong as well. I like that game a lot. But I'd like to play something real-time strategy-based because the problem is with Magic, it really is very dependent on the first 10 cards. The 10 cards, you get dealt that game, you know, if you're not playing a lot of control and moving stuff around, there's a lot of luck of the draw

in there. It's just a different kind of game, too. Magic is great. I fucking love magic. But RTSs are great, too. It's just a different thing. I feel more skillful if I get good at an RTS, though, right? Because I'm constantly interacting with the game

and affecting change. Whereas with Magic, after my hand is dealt, all my moves are pretty much determinable from that point. Most of the time. I don't know. I just feel like RTS is just so much more tactical, so much more stuff going on. Yeah, you're right with Magic

that it's kind of pre-planned for you a bit, depending on what you get in your hand. But a lot of getting better is more realizing new opportunities and shit. So if you're new and you get a hand of seven, you're like, oh, well, I obviously have to play these four land and then start playing my creatures bigger, bigger, bigger. And then the more you get in line with the game,

you'll start to realize new tactics. Like, oh, okay, I recognize exactly the kind of deck he's playing right now. He's going to exile the first creature I play that seems even vaguely a threat. So what I'm going to do is not play this guy that I actually want. I'm going to play this guy and bait him into burning a card, and then I'm going to play this to reanimate it, and then I'll have pissed

away a removal card or whatever the thing is instead of just doing what new players do, which is, well, just spend it all and throw the most expensive thing I have on the table, which i guess if you're playing green is a pretty good idea yeah that's usually isn't a bad idea i knew what he was like biting his tongue trying to say that but yeah rts stuff we definitely should play some more kyle because i i'm down uh warhammer total war warhammer Still a good one. Where you command those enormous armies and you send... Yeah, but it took you

three months to even be competent at it, it seemed like. You were reading and watching videos, and that was just to be able to control your army. It was more like... When I was playing the campaigns and shit, I could win the battles against the foes and everything

most of the time unless like they obviously outmatched me because like as you're about to start a battle it'll show like the power level and you'll be like oh fuck like they got way more than me they've got cavalry i don't have enough anti-large units like i gotta be careful i'll try it anyway but really it's just hard to micromanage and remember the the key strokes or whatever the fucking hot keys are to be like to not have your approach be like all right everybody forward in a block like it's so much harder to be like all right these people forward i want these archers you run you get hidden in these in these woods so you can surprise them and then i want my cavalry over here out of out of

vision and then as the battle goes on you're like scrolling around this enormous map trying to be like oh oh my cavalry you shouldn't be in combat, pull them out, pull them out. Oh, oh, this guy, this is going poorly as well. So as long as you don't play against real people online, it's pretty fun. I could get into any game right now. I'm playing Magic but less than before because Chiz seems to be playing a little bit less than before. I think he's gotten into some kind of a real estate buzz or something like that. I don't know what he's

up to these days. I didn't say that. He had a bit of an interest in real estate. I saw that that's what he was reading up on. I don't think he's bought any properties or anything. But I think maybe he's brushing up on that a bit more than

magic right at the moment. Might be smart. Might be smart. The real estate market is doing better. Is he getting into real estate because he feels like the stock market is due for a crash? There are people who feel that way. I can't get my head straight because my father felt like the stock market was due for a crash under the entire Obama administration. And I feel like he missed out on opportunities because it didn't crash at all. It just did

awesome. And now I feel that way under Trump, but maybe I would be dumb to pull money. I don't know. I think it's a safe bet to bet on America, right? We're good at shit. Despite our faults, in the end, it's probably a safe bet to bet on America, right? We're good at shit. Despite our faults, in the end, it's probably a safe bet to bet on us. I just think it is. Even under Trump's tutelage, he can't fuck up something that big,

I don't think. He's incredibly pro-business at the expense of our environment and children and anybody else. And the market did okay for a while but he spent he you know what a bear market will do he borrowed a trillion dollars and then threw it away like like we're lucky we're still here like anybody else had done it if china had borrowed a trillion dollars and then wasted it like they they wouldn't even be talking about them as a superpower. Like we are lucky we're this thing where he had all the peasants kill all the birds they could lay their hands on. He passed out weapons, killed the birds because they're eating the grain.

Got to kill every bird in China. They're eating our grain. And then they realized that the birds are what eat the locusts, and the locusts are what eat the grain. That's right before hundreds of millions died, right? There you go. So we didn't step in shit quite that bad, but a trillion fucking dollars, like, if you started adding up all the things you could have bought

with a trillion dollars, you get cool stuff, like... Yeah. A moon base. Like, literally, like, I'm going to name some things you could get with a trillion dollars, and they're not even bullshit. I'm not... This isn't just silliness.

This isn't fanciful. A moon base. Free college for every kid in America. For like a generation or two. Or three or four. Like, a trillion? Right? You know? You don't think so? No, not even close.

Like, every kid in college going to school for quote free. Like, $150,000 a kid. $100,000 a kid. I'm going to call college quote free like a hundred and fifty thousand dollars a kid hundred grand a kid i'm gonna call college 80 grand that might be a little low i'm gonna call it 100 grand 25 times four it's easier math yeah and uh so a trillion god i don't even so 80 grand times a thousand would be 80 i don't see that number very often that's a billion billion kids that would be 80 million. I don't see that number very often. That's a billion. That would be 80 billion. So you could do...

You could send 10 million. That would be 10 million. You could do 10 million for 800 billion. No, no. 10 million for a trillion. At 100,000. Okay, that's easy math.

Yeah, okay. So you could send 10 million kids to a first-class university. And then everybody after that has to pay? We're just talking in hypotheticals. We're not proposing policy here. Send fucking 20 million of the kids who wouldn't have gone anyway to college

for half price, right? You see what I'm saying with this. A trillion dollars could have elevated our position in the world for all times. Like, we're set back. You could even it for everybody. We could have built a super—we could have built that whole wall of solar panels and two birds, one stone, and everybody's happy. We could build the wall out of mirrors and give people sunburn who approach it.

Ooh, I like that. But that's not as cool as a solar pad. Where's that building at? Is it in the UK? There's that building that's sort of shaped like a curve, and it focuses the sun rays when they bounce off it down to the street. And it melts cars. People crack eggs on the sidewalk down there.

Like, yeah, you could get something like that going. Oh, and then I was reading about this solar collection thing that we have here in America somewhere, where they had this big collection tower, and then surrounding it, they have concentric circles of focus mirrors, focusing the sun's rays right onto that tower. And it's collecting energy that way. But they realized that they're creating these crazy beams of energy through the air, like the reflected light, and it's like burning birds alive in the air. It was so cool. I was like,

don't stop. They're trying to fix it so it doesn't burn the birds alive. And I'm like, ah, get me off. I think that Archimedes, or someone in the ancient Greek world, was known to have, like, one of the things he made aside from, like, he didn't do the Greek fire thing, but that was the thing they had.

He would have the death ray, which was just an enormous amount of mirrors all angled that away so that you could light fire to ships from a distance. And they're not sure how, Mythbusters did it years ago. I'm not sure if it's like, if I remember correctly,

they're like, yeah, this works, but you got to really hope your opponent has nowhere to go for a while and i think it's modern mirrors and they had a lot of them it was really hard to like get going and make work the walrus guy had the best line he's like our death rate doesn't seem to be working because i'm standing in it and i'm not dead yeah didn't it kind of suck to learn that the Mythbusters weren't friends like I don't know I guess I knew it and I understand that

every comedy duo that's together for a decade when it ends they don't even talk to each other anymore I mean when I found out Frodo and Sam were straight I didn't mind they're not straight they're not they cut the part out if you go watch the extended

edition they fuck on that rock at the end before the eagles come no mr frodo my lips are so chapped before bordeaux was broke back they cut out that part of the thing but they scaled it it was there remember how chapped sam's lips were i wanted to give him some Carmex so fucking bad. Can you lick your lips, Sam? God damn, Sam, you need some Vaseline. That's what he should have brought instead of those fucking spices from the Shire. He should have had him a little thing of Carmex. That would have solved the whole fucking problem.

That's what they should have given him. Galadriel should have been like, and this, young halfling, a Carmex that will never run out as long as your faith remains pure. This deck's with SPF 30. I use it on my fair skin.

I'm 30,000 years old, and I don't look a day over 31. So you don't have any more of those foreign-evilish daggers? Any more of those daggers, eh? That's what he says. She gives him that fucking

cloak and the rope or something like that. He's like, got any more of those fine elvish daggers? Yes. She just looks at him like, ah, bitch, I got no more daggers. But I'm thinking, really, you don't have any more daggers? Are you low on those

daggers that have seen war before? Come on. Then she gives Gimli three golden hairs from her head. I asked her for a single hair from a golden head. She gave me three. And then he smiles. He smiles, because it's such an

honor. And Gimli was brought in by the elves, and he lived in the Undying Lands. That's my favorite part of the whole thing in Lord of the Rings. At the end, Gimli and Legolas get to go off to the Undying Lands together and do whatever they do over there. I like to imagine that Gimli took... What's Orlando Bloom's name? Legolas?

I like to imagine he took Legolas and they fucked some hairy dwarf women, and then Legolas took him and they fucked some elf women, and that's what the Undying Land is all about. Do you think that's what it was, where he's like, I have to tell you, Gimli, it was much better than I thought it would be with a dwarf woman. He's like, that's what I haven't told you. There are no dwarf women.

That was a man. I haven't told you. There are no dwarf women. That was a man. We really do just sprout from the ground. We just fall to the ground. Yes. Which is of course ridiculous. That'll never get up. That's another good feel good movie for me.

I fucking love that. When they go to remake that we need to do that person in in start a real crowd campaign to fucking make their film not work if they ever try to remake that shit i've never seen the third um hobbit movie and i feel like i kind of want to see it four of the five armies or something like super shitty like this isn't a huge spoiler there is out of nowhere like to get the five armies there to all do battle in the same field they gotta pull a bunch of hijinks and one of the evil armies gets there via these gigantic earthworms that just burrow through a mountain and leave a tunnel for them and it's so like it's so shitty when you see it happen first of all it's like wait the enemy has had these like

gargantuan 300 foot worms i don't know something like that this whole time and never used them once and here's the thing they bore this hole and as they're boring through the mountain the entire army is like walking behind them and then like they come out of the same hole the worm came out of like like where did the worm go like it's real shit man like like that whole third movie all the hobbit movies frankly the more the more i pay any attention to him or re-watch him the more i dislike him because i don't even think i will re-watch him again because I'll just hate it and it'll piss me off that they ruined the Lord of the Rings. And it's Peter Jackson, right? It'd be different if somehow they hired some other, I don't know,

Michael Bay and those movies sucked and you'd be like, oh, well, there's your reason. But no. There's Ghibli wearing Oakleys. I watched something about what you're saying Woody about why it didn't turn out as well apparently they like brought him in late on the series to the point that they had already made a lot of artistic decisions

and they were like alright well this is what you have to work with if you're going to do this as we're bringing you in at this point and he had to like work with a bunch of shit that he would never have done otherwise like the whole Battle of the Five Armies, I watched some extra on that, where it was everybody in the real time, as the documentary of the film being shot was shot, he was so stressed out, being like,

there's no way we're going to finish this. We're not ready. We're not ready for this battle, and we have to have it shot by two weeks from now. And eventually they just fucking push it off for two more months so they can redo the entire battle, because they had to start from square one because it just was unworkable. And it still turned out fucking terribly. And so I don't know.

It was so disappointing. So disappointing. Yeah. The real reason that it's so shitty from what I understand is that when he was making the original trilogy, there was like two or three years of lead time. Before we start working on this movie, let's start working on this movie for a couple of years, getting the ducks in order, figuring out how things would look, planning the way to non-sequentially film three films. They film them all at the same fucking time. They're filming stuff at different times and making it all work editing-wise, and then all those VFX,

there's so much forced perspective, there's so much from the Weta workshop, all the handmade belts, all the handmade shields and helms, all of that shit that just looks real because it is real. When you put a thousand extras on the field and get them slamming those spears on the ground like the zulu like it sounds like it sounds different than it would sound if you just went into sound mixing and made it sound that way those yeah in the battle of the five armies it's this big glob of cgi versus this big glob of cgi it's about as inspirational and like fun to watch as if you

ever watched like a screensaver back in the old days of the red balls hit the blue balls and they just all start disintegrating. It's like, the fuck? I don't know. Are we for the red balls or the blue balls? Do you remember the way you felt when you were watching Helms Deep

the first time in the two towers where they're slamming those spears on the ground and it's resonating, it's so loud and it zooms in on the guy and you see that it's not bullshit, he's wearing real armor there and he's like the Uruk-hai scream and like the spittle and the gross teeth and it's the horn

dude, that's when, what was his name, when Ugluk was standing on that rock and he blows the horn I love that you know his name yes, he will, I mean they had to put Ugluck in charge after Lurtz was killed in the first movie. Lurtz was the guy who killed Boromir, who was then killed by Aragorn.

And Lurtz threw that dagger at Aragorn, and it actually was going to hit Aragorn until Aragorn knocked it out of the way of the sword. I've watched all of the extras so many times. Taylor didn't quite clarify that. What happened was this fucking person playing Ugluk threw a fucking dagger at an actor playing Aragorn, and he ping fucking deflect parried it out of the way with his real fucking sword. That's a real fucking shot. Because the instruction was like, hey, throw this dagger two feet to the right of him, and he's going to smack it out of the way with his real fucking sword. That's a real fucking shot. Because the instruction was like, hey, throw this dagger

two feet to the right of him and he's going to smack it out of the way. The guy threw it wrong and it was actually going to hit him and he knocked it out of the way, which is why that scene of him blocking the dagger looks so good because it blocked it the way a real dagger would. He didn't hit it with the tip of his sword like, ting, like in a movie.

That dagger got to right here and he like, sweeped it away with the hilt of his sword almost like he almost got you got nicked by it but yeah that was cool i love that fuck i love that stuff so much i feel like it's so well cast i they took such good care of all the characters like i know that none of us like that the dwarves were kind of made fun of and they're they're our comedic relief but shit, if they weren't, if they were dark and had no sense of humor, maybe we'd be like, ugh, really could have lightened things up

a little bit if Gimli made a few beard jokes, eh? We might feel that way. You know, you'll have to trust me! I cannot jump the distance! That's the part I hate. I know it is. It's a triumphant moment, though, because the music goes, ah! And he fucking throws him, and they're both

out there, and you just see them fucking every time Aragorn swings that sword to you guys. I'm like a liberal that's offended on his behalf. He's happy he got thrown across, and I'm like, oh, how dare you insult him? You've offended me about him. He's being thrown against his best interest.

I know what's better for the dwarves. And it's not to be tossed. Alright, are we ready to wrap there? I have one more advertisement I need to get Chiz on board for, if that's the case. Chiz? Two more, he says.

I did Dawn of War 3. It's just time to do the... Oh, there's a post-roll for Dawn of War 3. It's just time to do the... Oh, there's a post-roll for Dawn of War 3. Okay, well let me tell everyone about that. Good call, Chiz. Yeah, one more tidbit about Dawn of War 3. Dawn of War is back to redefine real-time strategy gaming and offer the

most fun you can have with Warhammer 40k. Building on 12 years of critically acclaimed gameplay, Dawn of War 3 offers the rich strategic experience, stunning visuals, and catastrophic surprises that players have come to expect. Dawn of War 3 will be released on April 27th and is now available to pre-order. The open beta will take place between 10 a.m. Pacific Standard Time on Friday, April 21st and 10 a.m. Pacific Standard Time on Monday, April 24th. You can register right now at dawnofwar.com

slash beta. Check them out. Now we're going to do a little... Kyle and I will. And one more thing from Dell here. With Dell, bring your best game at every level from powerful Dell gaming PCs

with Intel Core processors to the ultimate Alienware VR-ready experience. Don't just play, game. Visit Dell.com slash gaming. That's Dell.com slash gaming. Very good. Nice. Look at us.

Crack in these ads. Alright right pka episode 331