Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #335

Episode Date: May 26, 2017

This week on PKA, comedian Steve Hofstetter is back! The guys talk about some messed up vaginas and how important the astetics are to each host, watch a clip of a comedian chest kicking a heckler and then they discuss the Turkish goons beating up Americans in D.C. Enjoy as always!

All right, PKA, episode 335 with our guest Steve Hofstetter. Kyle? You got to give them what they want. You got to give them what they want. A few advertisements tonight, Casper, NatureBox, ZipRecruiter, and Bull & Branch. You can check down in the description below any more details you want to get for them. You want to check on them right now. We're going to talk about them more later in the show.

We've got our good friend Steve back with us. Steve, how's it been uh it's good you know i really enjoyed my time on the podcast it was great uh i decided i'd be a little friendly and i went on your subreddit uh and i gotta say almost everyone i interacted with was was a really really great person uh except for one piece of shit just one is the moderate one of the moderators of your subreddit uh a total total piece of garbage uh like real like human excrement his comment was that uh my forehead was too big that was what he was upset by so here let me give you a big view you piece of garbage uh like like a real how do i describe him like a sewer person you know like a person that doesn't fit anywhere else in society and so he's like i've got to live in the

sewer now and then he's like covered in urine and stink and by the way his username is a legitimate rage just in case anyone thinks am i is he talking about me no i'm talking about that piece of shit uh just like uh just like the like the kind of person that, you know, like in elementary school where, like, everyone kind of teases this one kid. You know what I mean? The kid that that kid teases, that's who I'm talking about. Like, what kind of a garbage human goes, oh, his forehead was too big. Fuck you, man. You've never produced anything worthwhile.

All you do is comment on Reddit about people's fucking appearances. You garbage human. But hey, it's really good to see you guys. I'm really happy to be back on the show. At least it didn't get to you. That's the most important thing. I've actually been doing forehead exercises ever since then

because I'm really self-conscious about it now. I'm trying to make my forehead bigger, actually. You don't skateboard, do you? Dude, I...conscious about it now. I'm trying to make my forehead bigger, actually. You don't skateboard, do you? I'm trying to stretch it. Dude, Kyle brought it up. Kyle brought it up. If I can say real quick about the user thing, when you were saying before the show,

I want to go off on this guy, I thought it was going to be like a big list. I didn't know that it was going to be one thing that was so much more benign than I ever thought. Well, because it's just such a dumb thing to say. It's just like, what? Like, really, that? And look, I get it, all right? I am progressive.

A lot of your listeners aren't. If you want to have a problem with my politics, okay. You know what? You don't find me funny? Absolutely. That's great. Comedy is subjective. You have your opinion.

You don't like the way I dress? Fine. That's still a choice. But my forehead. Fuck you. Like what a what a small little. Well, I guess in my case, it's enormous. But what like what a nonsensical thing to be concerned about. Like that is the critique of of art that like you listen to a pocket. I didn't like the one guest's forehead. I don't like anything about him. Well, on the bright side, that means it must have been a pretty good show if it went that low on the list of something to bitch about, you know? Well, you're talking about something. I'm sure they won't heckle you at all this time. They don't have nothing to say.

You set them straight. What is it about this thing that got to you, though? What is it that... Oh, he froze for me. Oh, I lost Steve as well. Oh, that's a shame. I'm losing you guys. There you are. We're back now, I think.

Wait, what? All right, I froze. No, it's not anything I'm genuinely upset about. I haven't been carrying this with me. I was just thinking, hey, I'm going to be back on the show again. Oh, I remember that one piece of shit you complained about my forehead. It's more than that.

I just think the thing that stood out to me, though, is in the discussion, in the group, a lot of people were like, hey, how come the hosts never come on this board? I really want them to come on the subreddit. And I'm like, well, it's because your mod is a piece of garbage. It's just heat bill on that guy'm like well it's because your mod is a piece of garbage it's just heaping all on that guy yeah it's because your mod is is a horrible person and like what do you

expect you expect like you expect the guys to come and interact with you when you treat other people like shit like no just be a be a kind human being and then maybe it'll it'll go a little bit better for you but like seriously it's so good to be back. I actually have... There have been so many wonderful PKA fans who have come up to me at shows, who have been following me online. I probably hear more positive feedback from like, hey, saw you on PKA,

and now I'm a fan, than I did when I was on Rogan or Corolla. Yeah, we have a very cool fan base. And they've been around for so many years and they kind of get what we're doing here you know if someone hops on board last year or something then they might enjoy our content and what we do but if someone has been with us for like 7

8 years which is entirely possible at this point they understand what we're doing here and what it's all about and so like if we have an ad read we do well if they go and buy that mattress they're in the comments like yeah i love your thing thanks to pka thank you so much to pka pka sells mattresses you know they're they're letting our advertisers know that like we sell fucking mattresses and you know by the same and then the same way if we they see a guest out there they're like hey yeah

pka introduced me to you just know just know yeah what i love though is i love that like the divisiveness of it. Like, the comments where people are like, hey, you're one of the best guests they ever had. And people are like, this was the worst show I've ever seen. It's very cool. And I'm just like, okay, cool. Yeah, you know what? I'm fine with that.

Our fan base has really invested. Not so much in the recent days, but last week, especially maybe this week. We've been doing this fitness thing. And instead of working out, working out, I've been playing. I bought a skateboard and I went skating. I used to skate a lot in my younger days. I wasn't great at it or anything, but I was competent. And oh my God, they went off on the age thing.

Skateboarding is just age inappropriate for me at this point. Thread after thread. And it's not like someone said something right someone says something and it gets hundreds of upvotes you know like everyone who went there that day decided they loved this about the subreddit and they're just fucking rip it and and in my head it's very much like making fun of a fat person at the gym, right? Everyone says it's absolutely criminal to laugh at a fat girl on a treadmill, right? But everyone seems to think

it's fucking awesome to laugh at an old guy on a skateboard, right? That's hilarious. I can't believe you're drawing this parallel. That is... Ah, man. Yeah, that's you, Woody. That's what's That's you.

You're that morbidly obese person who got brave and went into Planet Fitness and looked away from the free pizza and got on there, and despite the audible jiggling and slapping of his folds, he storms ahead. That's you. On a skateboard. Skateboarding in your driveway going, those internet problems. I love the idea that you you compare like trying trying to like not fall off your skateboard as the same as like really bettering yourself as

a person that's what i'm doing that's why i'm not skating because i want to skate i'm skating because i'm too fat that's the whole point so are you skating on like a giant board or yeah i got along i got along but it is oversized it's a surfboard with wheels nearly yeah i i uh but i'm getting better at it i went out today i go out with my son he's on a bike i'm on the skateboard and we just rip around the neighborhoods wait wait wait so then you're're going around with kids and you're on a skateboard. Well, I gotta fit in. There aren't a lot of adults out there to skateboard with.

That way they have someone to look up to. The bicycle and skateboard, is there any possibility of putting a rope on the bicycle and Colin pulling you a bit? Oh. It's been... So it's funny you mention bit. Oh, it's been like a jet. So it's funny you mentioned that.

Not today, but the session before this, I pushed it too hard. I was like, you know what? I should go back to the house now. Nah, fuck that. I'm going to keep pushing on. And I go further. I go, I don't know, another three quarters. Curfew's not for another half hour anyway.

I go like another three quarter mile. So that we understand what was your push like are are we talking like you went three more miles are you talking like two more houses no it was another lap around the house it probably was three quarters of a mile or something like that so uh um anyway now i'm headed up this the my driveway is the toughest part of it it's kind of longish and it's uphill and it's not that smooth. So when you push, you instantly had to push again. I'm fucking exhausted and dehydrated.

I didn't bring any water. And I'm just like, at one point I grabbed Colin by the belt and I had him tow me to the, across the finish line. You know, does any part of this skateboarding and bicycling stuff does any part of it make you think hey i paved this driveway out here i'd have my own little skate park do you want me to build a skate park i don't want you to build i think an rc park is a better investment to be focusing on some sort of rc car racing track in the backyard you gotta get that project fixed and then the pool and then you can put in the skate park like one thing at a time i'm not a skateboarder but i like i was thinking about this as far as like the exercise part does skateboarding get easier and easier the better you get at it

yeah or it does i'm finding that already and i think that's true with a lot of sports right like like lifting weights i think that in that first two, you get a lot of gains that aren't necessarily strength. They're technique. And now I'm finding I can go farther and do more with the same amount of effort that I spent before. I just picture him like Kevin Spacey in American Beauty. Like just going around the neighborhood. You do what you can. By the way,

I'm also totally shitting on you for doing this, even though I don't work out at all. American Beauty just cost me $20,000. There's a scene in there. The mom is like a real estate salesman. She's trying to sell

a pool and it's a lagoon pool now I I never knew anything about pools but I just I'm just buying one now and a lagoon is a shape of a pool it kind of looks like a penis like it's got two like three circles sort of stacked and she's selling it as a lagoon pool and the buyers are like what like when I hear lagoon I think plants and's like, what do you think these are? And they're like, no, like, you know, waterfalls and flagstone. And, and she's like, I have tiki torches in the garage. They're like, this is just a concrete hole, right? The next day, the, the like whatever our pool architect guy comes out and we start finalizing some plans and I've got this concrete

hole in the ground which is exactly what I was going to buy I was going to do what they said they hated and I'm like well maybe I should upscale this a little bit oh my god you just upgraded the pool because of Kevin Spacey

well his wife in the show I actually think that that story was just trying to get us off the topic of him skateboarding. I'm talking about skating for a while. No, no. He will talk about skateboarding longer than we want to talk about skateboarding. No shame in my game. So you spent an extra $20,000 to to make your pool better and now you found out that it's not actually going to make it better no i think it'll be better concrete's more expensive

than you might guess and uh and we weren't doing just concrete now we're doing like i don't know if it's pavers or stamped concrete or some sort of upscaled stained you know concrete that looks like rocks we're getting quotes in but we definitely did a lot more than just a four-foot strip around the pool, which was the original quote. You know that meme where it's like the first world problem meme? That was written for this.

Yes. We do at least one or two of those a week. Those are the kind of problems that I have, man. I can't lay enormous recliners on the sides of all of my pool without having to walk uncomfortably with my feet in front of each other, without stepping into the pool

in the front. I want to be able to walk big, girthy, swingy steps. Two bags in hand. We were going to cross grass on some of the travel ways and that brings organics into the pool. Can't have that. Organics? You make it sound like that's like, oh, we can't have grass andics into the pool. Can't have that. You make it sound like that's like, oh, we can't have grass and dirt

in the pool. Couldn't solve that with a water hose, just saying. Yeah. We always hosed off. Anyway, so yeah, stupid movie cost me $20,000. I like to have a little shower

out by the pool anyway. Every time I've been to a pool that I was like, ah, this is really nice, there was a little shower the same way there's a little shower at the beach. We're doing that. That's always my favorite part of the beach, by the way. The outdoor shower you get to take that finally cleanses the beach off of you.

And the knowledge that there's a real shower that will further cleanse you of the bullshit you just underwent for someone else's benefit. I hate the beach. I was doing a gig in Cabo. And, you know, so they put us up at this, like, really nice resort. And there's a wedding there. And the wedding is, like, in this place that overlooks the beach.

But there's one of those outdoor showers, like, right there. And, like, the public, you know, still has to walk through. Like, it's the, you know, it's the one passageway to the beach. And I really wanted to just walk through and just start taking an outdoor shower in the middle of their wedding. Just feel like, how's this going to work for you? See, that's something that they would have hated in the moment. But 20 years from now, they would have looked back with a lot of smiles about it. Absolutely.

So you could have taken one for the team and made a scene knowing like, I'm making, I'm getting, I'm making memories. What if I was, what if, what if I did it naked though? I think that would be even better. Because you know what? Not just making memories for the bride and the groom. Think about all the people sitting there who burned vacation days so they could indulge these fuckers who are like, do you think, you know,

Susan and Price, you know, care enough to come? Do you think he'll spend four days on us? Well, let's guilt them anyway. They sent that off. You're making memories for that guy who doesn't even want to be there. I think out of courtesy to the groom, you should just take a cold shower though, so you don't show them up. Just saying.

Also, I'm a pale man. I think I would have blinded people with the reflection of the sun off of me, so that would have been dangerous. Ah, yes. would have blinded people with the reflection of the sun off of me so that would have been dangerous ah yes also get your wedding the fuck out of my hotel like i'm i'm i'm hanging out here you guys are in the way i had a walk through i had a walk through there they had a couple weddings there and like there's one that was like on the way to like i went to the gift shop to get sunblock because again pale and it was kind of annoying to like have – I'm used to weddings.

But weddings at a hotel, the space shouldn't be where other guests have to walk through. You know what I mean? Yeah, sure. I remember 90 seconds ago when you were throwing salt in my first world problems. Tell me more about the wedding that inconvenienced you in Cabo. We need a voting system. What's the less big deal? Your pool not having enough room for a full-size recliner

or Steve having to deal with looking at vacationing wedding people. First of all, that was like three minutes ago. Second of all, Cabo is not exactly first world. I was first world in a place. No, that's a fair loophole oh yeah yeah there's a straight up first it was like a first and a half well cabo i guess like the part the resort part is first world but then you go like outside of it and like that's like fourth or fifth that's how it always is to those resorts. Yeah. I wish that they would have, maybe this is like a first world problem that's kind of benevolent.

Like I wish that it, you know how you'll go to Mexico or something and stay in a really nice hotel and literally, like if you were to leap off of your balcony you could make it and land on one of the fucking favela, you know, corrugated tin roofs over there, like that close. Interesting. I stay in better hotels, but go ahead. They do exist. I'm describing the one I was in the Dominican Republic

eight years ago. I'm just being a dick. I've caught on. Those ones where you can jump on there. I wish that... I know the rest of the country has to be poor and shitty because it's just poor and shitty, but could you at least make the few neighborhoods of that country surrounding our hotels a little nicer,

so that we could go out on the porch at night and enjoy your beautiful scenery without feeling so guilty? Alright, we have a winner. I was just thinking the same thing. What if they painted a big mosaic between you and the poverty, and it was just a big mosaic of like a beautiful forest in a lagoon over there. Take the resources you would use to improve the community and make a mosaic for me. A wall. We could have a wall.

A wall. Well, it's attached to a big wall. I thought that was just. What if they did it on a green screen so that we could all make our own backgrounds according to what we liked as long as it wasn't for people. That's what I think heaven is like if there is a heaven. Graffiti. Yeah. If there is a heaven, it would have to be that each person gets their own individual heaven for it to be any fun at all, right?

Because if we're all just walking around in some big palace of gold, there's some fucker out there with some irrational fear of gold, right? He doesn't want to go to a city of, the streets are gold too. Like, there are people who would have zero interest in that you know and i'm one of them like if everything's made out of gold then it's just glare all the time you need some blue blockers or something i imagine it's pretty bright you're in the clouds anyway so each individual person needs their own specific Mormonism is the one you're looking for i think right i'm going somewhere with this i wanted to know what your specific

heaven was that's you know like if you get to pick your afterlife that will, of course, last forever, infinitely, what's your afterlife? You get there, and let's just say St. Peter himself is there, and he's got his iPad because it's modern times. He doesn't have that quill anymore and that big parchment. He's like, what do you want? And God's over there sitting on a throne. Am i understanding correctly that in your heaven there are no jews oh no of course not just making sure uh my what what would mine be uh mine would be um the mets would not lose as much as they do now they would still lose some because you got to keep it

interesting you know but it wouldn't be as... I wouldn't want them winning all the time. That's boring, Yankee fans. Without darkness, there can be no light. Exactly. You need some darkness. I would want tons of comedy shows all over the place. You could just go up and have great

crowds. Oh, that would be... So every night you go out and you're, don't know madison square garden fucking sold out and you look in the front row and it's like it's like all the people you most want to impress and you just kill every night is is that heaven uh yeah but even that i think would get boring like that's the thing like heaven heaven for me i like a challenge i like things being changed up you know so what if every night it's a different special you've got to write a new one every day it's heaven so time you can just pause and take as much time as you want but every day you're having to come up with

a new special or you go to hell oh that stakes are high now you're on your eight actually no stakes couldn't be lower if you can just pause time well you're on yourth special in a row. Actually no, stakes couldn't be lower if you could just pause time. Well, you're on your 8th special in a row and the 7th special took you 400 years. Well this is now, this heaven has become its own version of hell. You're starting to wonder, what do they do in hell? You're starting to wonder. That's the interesting hell, being forced to create your own heaven. Right? Because no matter what you create is gonna be hell because like even if steve did the whole special thing every night he'd go out

there and be like hey hey you know this that and the other thing and they'd all like laugh uproariously and you'd have to look at them and go you're kind of just like a mannequin in my fever dream you're not really laughing you don't have a choice like you don't have your own heaven because you're not real all my friends are out there with their own world i got bored so i'm on like this is the best tour i've ever done like things really exploded me for in the past for me in the past year i'm guessing it's because of my appearance on pka i was gonna say that yeah clearly um but it's it's been amazing and you know different city every night most of the shows are sold out it's been incredible you know lines of people afterward it's been i i've been i felt really like lucky and and and wonderful to you know i would use the word blessed if idiots on instagram didn't hashtag it all the time but like just i i felt amazing

but then the last night i was so tired and like i was like i can't go up and do my material again i can't you know and and i'm like wait this is the thing i've been trying to do for 15 years and i have it now i'm like i'm tired and bored so it's i think i think even in heaven we would get that way you would yeah it's just like you can like set your anchor point higher yeah you know like if you had to like go back to the beginning of where you were in comedy right now, just performing for six people at a graduation party, or I don't know what you did to start, probably not that bad. Six would have been, speaking of blessed, six would have been amazing. My worst crowd was two people in a snowstorm, and one of them was my dad.

two people in a snowstorm and one of them was my dad. But by the way, right now, right now, there are people listening to this who are going, what a piece of shit, bragging about his tour. Like, not even getting why I brought it up. So, that's also hell. A lot of hell.

We might already just be, like, non-playable characters in someone else's hell. Like, this could be someone's hell we're living in right now we're not even real you mean like someone having to listen to this yeah exactly yeah what if you are an NPC Kyle like what if one day someone comes up to you and they ask you a question you have to say oh yeah that's down there beyond the river and then like the next day you wake up and the day

feels oddly familiar. And then you get to that same place and that person comes up and asks you a different question, but it wasn't the right different question. So you have to say, oh, it's right down over there by the river. And that's your NPC hell. Where you just have to hope that the PC asks the right question. My knee's been injured

for weeks, right? Could I have taken an arrow? What game would you asked the right question. My knee's been injured for weeks, right? For years. Could I have taken an arrow? What of... What game would you most want to be a non-playable character in? Fuck you all. That's funny shit right there. Fuck every one of you. Dead Space, smile lightly. I think Dead Space

is one of the games that you would most not want to be one of the non-playable characters because I don't think any of the non-playable characters survives, and that is to say that none of the non-playable characters because I don't think any of the non-playable characters survives and that is to say that none of the non-playable characters don't have their soul taken by some sort of alien demonic force

and then have their bodies mutated into some sort of hideous stabbing creature or turn into a baby with Medusa horns or something like that. All of the NPCs in Dead Space, there are no winners. They all get mutated and have their souls taken.

Grand Theft Auto is kind of like that too. There are survivors though. There's always that pimp that you see down the street with a couple of hoes. And I mean, if you don't kill every hooker, then they're out there getting laid and getting paid. Presumably. But they're just chum.

They're there for target practice. That's all of us here, right? Imagine the stress and the panic you would walk through every day in Sim World as an NPC. Every single car isn't just another car of a person. It's any of them, you know, hell, most of them

are complete sociopaths that take glee in killing you. So, like, you couldn't... And the whole time you're having to pretend like it's just a normal day. And you're going to Jamba Juice. So, that's a pretty good one, too. Not as bad as Dead Space, though. Because I saw a clip in Dead Space where the NPC picked up a gremlin, like, alien baby. And it exploded her into a million bits.

And so that... I'd rather just get hit by a car. What about, like, Rocket League would be good. Because then you're just watching a game. That's rather just get hit by a car. What about Rocket League would be good because then you're just watching a game? Yeah, any sports games. Forever. Yeah, the same match forever. Yeah.

It's not good to be a hell of a character. There are some people on Twitch who do that voluntarily. I never got into watching Twitch. Do any of you watch Twitch? Not lately, but I have. Yeah, I watch it sometimes. I've been watching some people play Battlegrounds, that Battle Royale game that I've been

playing a ton of. I fucking love that game. Getting better and better at it. It's really really fun. I've been playing with some fans. That game's a lot of fun. I'm not going to shift into talking about that, but yeah. I've been watching some people play that on Twitch. More and more, I realize it doesn't matter at all. I want the player to be above average,

but really, that shouldn't be hard, right? Most people who play a game a lot are above average at it. You don't need to be top 5% in my mind. It's all about your entertainment value. This game might be the exception, because it's like the Hunger Games, of course, so if you're not top entertainment value with this this game might be the exception because it's a it's a like um it's

like the hunger games of course so if you're not top five percent then you don't get to the showdown at the end you don't get to like the the last phase of the game when there's like five people left and we're playing in a circle the size of like a barn and everybody's just in corners like like hiding with shotguns and rifles and stuff and crouching in plants with ghillie suits. Have you won again yet? I've only won one solo. I think I've played second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, all that shit like multiple times. But I've only won one. It's very hard.

It's like my grades. I got all the grades. Yeah. All the grades that they offered, I brought some of those home. Yeah. Oh, did you see that video of the Turkish bodyguards just going ham on those protesters?

Yes. That was fucked up. Is it a funny video? No. Look, it all depends on your perspective. If you're a Turkish bodyguard, that video's hilarious. You're flexing somewhere like,

that is how we do shit. Tell me me if i'm gonna lay out the backstory and tell me if i have this wrong from what i understand the turkish president was traveling in washington dc there were protesters there unhappy with his presidency or the way he runs shit or who knows what. And he told the D.C. police to, like, silence the protesters or beat them up or whatever it takes. And the D.C. police were like, no, that's not how we do things here. So he sent out his own bodyguards slash thugs to beat up American citizens. And they were, like, kicking him in the face while they're laying down. How bad? It's hard to ever know.

Because, like, when this stuff gets talked about and they say beat up beat up like was it a couple punches or were there some severe people yeah can you find one or do we hunt for it yeah i'm getting it i also like that you're like look look look if he if if he if they kicked him a couple of times it's perfectly okay i just get aggravated when i hear stuff on the news where it's like huge violence at a rally and like you click the video and it's like three people with sticks and you're like huge violence like i was expecting a braveheart style brawl here and i'm really disappointed here's a question so this uh this was a debate that uh like unraveled on uh on one of my reddit posts because i posted a thing about how i had a video that like i had a heckler video that went viral and it really you know changed my life and you

know changed my career and then it got animated like animated james who's a big youtube guy uh animated it and so i posted that and there was like a debate over whether or not that my title was clickbait and so someone was saying that like anything that gets you to click on a video is clickbait and then a rational person in my opinion at least was saying that no it's clickbait when they get you to click on a video with a sensational title that doesn't deliver but if the video is actually the thing that happened then it's not clickbait yeah if a video is man fights off three crocodiles and it's a video of a man actually fighting off three crocodiles before being killed undoubtedly then that's not

but if it's three like little baby crocodiles and it's like one of them like nips his finger and his girlfriend's poorly filming and he goes oh and then it's like oh you you know what you did you know what we expected and we saw three alligators in the thumbnail because you didn't put the little ones in there you put the the the now ones the real ones that we want to see Or that would be cool where they zoomed in on the little ones to make them look like the big ones Ah, okay. I got respect clickbait hot water last week I am so I was flying my paramotor if you don't know what that is. It's a like the fabric Oh, I will get to that in a moment. I was

It's a little click baity of it. I thought we'll get to the get to that in a moment. I was flying my... Oh, okay. It's a little cliffhanger, but I thought... In a minute, we'll get to the title. Yeah, we will. So I was flying my paramotor. If you don't know what that is, it's got the fabric wing like a paraglider, but a propeller on your back so you can launch from flat ground. Anyway, I clipped in wrong, right?

You're supposed to clip in. It's very important. Like a parachute, you know, you got to clip in properly. My riser was twisted like 360 degrees and I didn't catch it so I took off and in flight I realized that I had fucked up and I managed to land and the the title was Woody's Gamertag cheats death which yeah that's completely clickbait blister might have been more accurate right no? No, I was pretty scared. At first I thought...

Woody's Gamertag cheats the system by titling it this. Oh, Woody's Gamertag avoids sprain. Yeah. No, I wasn't sure if the wing would continue to fly well. In hindsight, everything was fine. But at the time, I was like, oh my god, Woody, take a breath. Chill. Don't panic. Next time, make the title like, I'm still bleeding as I post this.

The landing went poorly. You should have put a picture of a severed hand. Make it say, like, Woody's severe head injury, but then have it misspelled a little bit so they know you have a head injury. Oh, nice. Like the end of Flowers for Algernon. I did an unintentional clickbait as well, was another thing spelled a little bit so later you know you have a head injury oh nice like the end of flowers for aldrin off i i did an unintentional clickbait as well so um like it i landed i fixed it i launched again and then i started doing acrobatics so the thumbnail was of

the acrobatics right so the title is like woody's gamer tag cheats death and you see like me fucking upside down with like the Wing towards the ground and stuff And I guess people thought the death defying Part was related to the picture And I get that idea right Right I could see where they're coming from Although in my head I just grabbed The most interesting frame from the whole video

And use that as the thumbnail it's what I've been doing For months now And uh so but Yeah so there's some Thumbnail clickbaiting too i get some people some people think that because my heckler series is titled heckler owned they're like oh that's such clickbait i'm like what do you think the word owned you think i actually own the person like i bought them like is that when you click so are we paying too much attention to the same

thing that all these other videos are called because that's what people search when they want to see that. Oh, the other thing that people seem to get on me for is titling in third person where they don't seem to understand that that's how everything gets titled. Yeah. It depends what it is, I think. And it depends who you are and what kind of channel you're running too.

You've got a very personal channel. If it depends who you are and what kind of channel you're running, too. Like, you've got a very, like, personal channel. If it's the first time you've ever done it, like, Wing said that time when all of a sudden he uploaded a video that says, fat guy accidentally bayonets his TV, and all of his subscribers are like, fat guy? You mean yourself? Like, what the fuck are you talking about? But, yeah, I guess that makes sense.

But also, but the idea that, like, it's not called, you know, it's called. We'll never know what it's called. I think we have him back now. Okay, where did I lose you? It's not called something. Oh, well, it's definitely not called a frozen for like three minutes um it's not called i was saying it's not called the late show with me it's called the late show with steven colbert like it's because you do that when you title things and uh people don't people don't search for like if like if i just wrote you know i dealt with a

heckler like people no one searches i i mean i guess some very vain people in case they think have i ever owned a heckler no dice like none of these videos are me but yeah of course if someone's gonna google if you if someone sees your sit and they're like hey i like steve hofstetter i'm gonna look him up they're gonna google steve hofstetter or they're gonna, hey, I like Steve Hofstetter, I'm going to look him up, they're going to Google Steve Hofstetter or they're going to do that on YouTube. And so, of course, you're going to put your own name in the title. For the same reason that those people who have commentary or political channels on YouTube or whatever, they'll always put their name at the end so that when you search their name, they all come up.

It's just what they all do. And it's also funny because sometimes people will get on me for writing like, they'll be like, you know what, you write comedian instead of your name. And I'm also funny because sometimes people will get on me for writing like – they'll be like, you know what? You write comedian instead of your name. And I'm like, because I'm not famous? Like it's a – it's like me saying – it's me admitting that like I'm not big enough to do that. It's me like – like that's a self-deprecating thing. And then people will still get mad about that because people will get mad about everything.

They do. Yeah. will still get mad about that, because people will get mad about everything. They do. Let's watch this video of some people having their civil liberties, well, trampled upon, and their heads trampled upon. I bet people are going to be mad about this on the internet. I keep my civil liberties in my head, actually. So what we do is we

queue up at zero, and I'll count it down, and we'll press play together. So tell me when you queued up at zero. Oh, wait, hold on. He's the best counter. I'm the best counter. I didn best counter i was supposed to do this sorry he knows all the no forwards and backwards all right i've seen him go as high as 845. i mean at least the comments are good uh highest rated turks showing the animals they really are fuck Turkey there is a reason Europeans hate them they are scum next another one fuck America fucking two-faced country spelled wrong now YouTube comments are

always good for it's the number two second comment fucking Turkey monkeys I went to school with some what a bunch of inbred, backward monkeys they were. By the transitive property, Taylor should like Turkish people. Kyle, you can't read your own comment. As I type that. I've only ever known one Turkish person, and he was a real

piece of shit. He absolutely was. Super misogynistic, and it was a cultural thing. And just really like sweaty and slimy and greasy and like he was like the a gross slavic fonzi with his slick back hair and like like he was always like oh the women that love women that love me and i remember like he's always like hitting on our reception he's like look I am beautiful. No. And like one of his eyes looked the wrong way and she's like Always

while I am the prize. His name was Barack. He was the worst. All right. Let's see what these. I like that they've all got suits on because you've got like three distinct groups of people here. Maybe four. You've got the protesters holding up signs protesting all the evils of Turkey. You've

got the Turkish bodyguards in their nice tailored suits. And then you've got like DCPD, I guess, with like uniformed cops who occasionally get a whack in with a baton. And then there's just people watching the shit show. Before we cue it up, I just want to say I know one Turkish guy. I went to college with him. He was actually a Turkish pop star that then came to America for college. And he was a sweetheart, but we all used to play his songs

and make fun of them. So that's all I know about Turkey. You guys had very different Turkish experiences. Ready, set, play. All right. All right, so this is the kind of free-for-all I was imagining it would be. Not disappointed by this.

There are 25 people in, like, mixed combat on asphalt and grass. This guy took two good kicks to the face. Maybe to the nose or the eye on that second one. I don't feel like the DC police are being harsh enough on the Turkish. He just randomly kicked that woman.

They should be being way harsher on these fucking assholes. Yeah, he sees a guy kick a protester in the face. He's laying down on his side, like in the fetal position, gets kicked in the face, and the cop holds him by the shoulders and says, no, no, no, and guides him away. That's, that won't do. Yeah, and then the cops carry away a guy that just got his ass kicked by a guy in a suit. Heaven forbid a concealed carry guy kills one of these bodyguards here. Oh, my God.

That would have been an interesting way to see it play out, where Erdogan or whatever had to be like, know you killed two of my men he's like well you broke our law and this shit happens here thugs are treated very differently in america yeah the other people you're fighting have guns here so good luck whoever whoever filmed this is a is a hero Right? He's got a stabilizer! Landscape. Yeah, this is good. This guy has a stabilizer. Like, usually, I'm accustomed to world star hip-hop. You're lucky if, you know, they're not, like, giving a hand job with the same hand that's holding the camera.

This is quality filming. I'm rewatching the first part again. This is like, honestly, this filming is incredible. He's even panning around the scene like it's like two lines clashing in a roman history channel show like he's even going around this is well well done by oh yeah this is unbelievable though look at the callousness at like 20 seconds when those assholes just walk by people on the ground and just like throw sidekicks to the back of their head yeah well yeah that's that's how

they go you know what upsets me about this so much it's that we lost right like if anything I'm on Team America here I'm on the protesters and undeniably they came in last place in this thing that's what bugs me i'd be cheering this thing on if those bodyguards went into the crowd and the crowd beat the crap out of them i'd be like yeah that's how we do have any of our good protesters there exactly we needed some where was black lives matter i was just gonna say we needed those ferguson protesters we don't have uh we don't have kurish Lives Matter as a movement. That's the issue. I just feel like if we had our most violent

protesters here, we could have taken those thugs on. I just think that it would have been better if we saw twice as many DC cops there and see some DC cops give them a good bashing. And these DC cops look like they enjoyed a donut or two, right?

Yeah, it looked more like TSA. It looked more like TSA showed up. I saw a 240-pound black woman wearing at least one size too small uniform swinging a baton like it was her first time she'd ever swung. And the person she hit turned around like, hey, what'd you do that for?

And it was a protest before she hit anyone. Can you imagine being a protester on the ground and kicked by one of these guards and you look up and you're like oh oh thank god the police are here and some some morbidly obese five foot six woman is you know her her gait is just hobbling towards you and you're just oh i'm gonna die in this field you know like she's not gonna save me why it reminds me of uh you know all those like basic shooter arcade games where like you accidentally shoot the civilian and like a red x comes up like that's what those cops were doing basically like they were playing target practice for the first time just as you said that protest was dragged away kyle yeah that was really shitty

john mccain was saying they should throw those guys out of the country. And they absolutely should. I didn't care for that at all. I don't think anyone who sees that is going to care for that. That was fucked up. Never to return. They get a lifetime ban. You're not coming back. Yeah. They will, though. But now the question is, so that guy, I guess he was

seeing Trump, or he was going to the White House. I don't know if he was specifically actually seeing Trump. Should they have tossed him out and said no, this ruined your whole visit? The government. I thought it was Erdogan. I thought the president of that country was Erdogan. They just had an attempted coup

in that country, didn't they? They met with our government to figure things out. Who knows what they were talking about? Should we have denied them that meeting? Well, but then how does the hotel in Turkey get built? Fair point.

I mean, you gotta look at the business. Always two steps ahead. Was it like right as Erdogan was going to talk to people in our government that this was happening or was it like as he's leaving he's like oh and and go cause some shit you know like I might have it wrong but

I watched Trump and Erdogan do their joint press conference next to each other at least like like 99 sure that was Erdogan that and uh they both spoke and then uh then they left and then I assumed that like Erdogan was leaving the building or whatever, getting in his motorcade when all of this happened. But what they're doing there seems entirely unnecessary. It was almost like someone said a bad word, and he was like, get him. A protester offended whoever was in charge,

and he was like, go fuck them up. And they just did. With no consequence. Which Lord of the Rings was Erdogan in? There's two. There's two, right. Yeah, yeah. they just did with no consequence speed too which lord of the rings was erdogan in right yeah yeah okay he was the guy he was the guy whispering in the uh in the wizard's ear up on top of that tower right i get you know i get those movies confused sometimes because some you know like you're watching back to back it's hard to remember which one is which but i knew you know erdogan was out there somewhere yeah yeah somewhere Yeah. Somewhere. Yeah. Arrow to the knee.

Yeah. Don't laugh when he says it. That'd be unfair. I said it was a callback. It was an inside joke. No, but I think that that's, I think that's one of those things that like, there's a lot that we disagree on as Americans.

Hell, you know, my politics are different than yours, but like, I think it's pretty easy for us to be like, well, fuck these guys. We don't like what happened. I like when stuff like this happens, that, like, you won't show this to anyone in the country

who's like, well, but you have to understand what the Turkish dictator was thinking as he sent his groupies to beat up unarmed people with megaphones. You have to consider, as they're kicking with those sneaky James Bond knife-in-the-toe shoes into elderly people's eye sockets as they're getting back in their nice SUVs. Everybody hates it, and it's great. I will bet anything that there are people who watch that and be like,

well, you know, those protesters shouldn't open their mouths. I bet there are people who think that. Yeah, a lot of the turks apparently yeah and also uh your piece of shit mob i knew that was coming i was gonna say that joke and i'm like no i can't get like legitimate rage i think he's done some timelines for the show i can't jump on this this bandwagon. The only people who approve are the people involved and our mod. That's good. Man, I mean, it's not good when people get beat up in public by

foreign officials, but it is nice. No, it's not good, but it is nice. Hold on, hold on. If I knew that that's what this podcast was going to be about i never would have agreed to come on i cannot stand behind that station like yeah of course nobody likes to see that but for once it was really refreshing to watch a video that was as this ties into the clickbait we were talking about that was the kind of fight i was expecting when you guys were describing it. And it seems like we were

up on a streak of the last 12 disagreements and riots that I'd seen. I was like, oh, fuck everybody who was talking about this. Like, there's not a huge battle scene or anything. But no, this is pretty good. And it was also, you know, camera work to be fair. I've seen worse Pepsi commercials. Yeah, the camera work was amazing. man youtube comments are mean aren't they

oh my god it's such a roller coaster reading them just while you read them i just figured I could comment too. Alright, well. It feels like it's time for our first ad read. Alrighty. While you do it, can I keep holding up this sign? Actually, no. That's probably not a good idea. Let's take that off and tell everyone about mattresses.

Maybe they don't care for that. You never know. Casper mattresses, you see, are obsessively engineered American made mattresses at a shockingly fair price. And now you can save $50 toward any mattress purchase by going to casper.com slash pka and using code pka. It combines supportive memory foams to create an award-winning sleep surface with just the right sink and just the right bounce. Over 20,000 reviews, and they have a 4.8 star rating. It's quickly becoming the internet's favorite mattress. Free shipping and returns

to the United States and Canada. You can try Casper for 100 nights risk-free in your own home. If you don't love it, they'll pick it up and refund you everything. Designed, developed, and assembled in the United States of America. So, get $50 toward any mattress purchase by going to casper.com slash pka

and using code pka. I love my Casper mattress. Come on, people. You know your mattress is old and needs to be replaced. Women won't sleep with you. Just do it. You shouldn't. And when you get one,

get a box spring, too, for your mattress because women don't want to have sex on a mattress on the floor. That is something... The amoebas fucking migrate too. You want to be a couple of layers above the floor so that the bacteria doesn't migrate up the bed and get to you.

You don't know what's down there. I sleep in a sex swing with a hammock in it. I'd recommend a bed frame also in addition to the box spring. Because also a mattress on a box spring on the floor is kind of the same thing as a mattress on a floor. Now who's first world? Yes. See, this time I didn't call that.

Are we done with the live read? We're done with the mattress. Now back to that. Oh, man. You really dislike that guy. I wonder how this is going to go down. Will he become a subreddit hero? Or will they all make fun of him for getting made fun of?

I don't know. But I do know this. So a friend of mine. Yeah? I predict they're going to come after you real fucking hard now. You poked the hornet's nest now. They're like, ha-ha, that hurt his feelings? Oh, man,

I've got opposition research here just waiting. This won't cause this to happen, but they could screenshot you into a roast me session at this point. Me making fun of him does not show... I don't know why you guys think that it means it hurt my feelings or it means it made me

upset. It means I think it's funny that he's a piece of shit like it's it's not it's not like i'm walking around be like that guy really got to me it's like no like i think it's hilarious that that is what he took from the show i don't know if that distinction will be felt upon yeah you are trying to redefine internet rules and i I'm telling you, these rules are set in stone. Who owns on the internet is not always well-received. I think if I was genuinely upset by it, I don't think I would have switched

to the I like mattresses sign. I think that's probably... You would have sat there and been like, so they really don't want me to hold it up? Well, I don't care. Cut out my video because I'm not putting the sign down. You're i yeah you're definitely gonna have to like hold the thumb over i yeah i i just like i don't know i i think it's i think it's silly and fun to to poke that stuff and i also know i've been doing this long enough to know that i'm binary like people either like me or they

don't it's ones and zeros and that's fine. There are people right now who heard that and go, what, he's making a math reference? He thinks he's better than me? Doesn't it say something for the year that we live in that when you said, I'm binary, I thought you were about to qualify what your sexuality was? That's ridiculous. No, no, no, I meant people's reaction to me as binary.

Yeah, no, but just the i just the idea that like i i know i'm not for everyone and that's okay and none of us are and like the i i have a theory like people who leave like one star reviews like who go like on restaurants like one star what happened to you that's the worst possible thing that could happen like what happened waitress smelled like shit it's like yeah okay what if your waitress smelled like shit and i put my dick in your burger that would do it one star i'll give you more than a you would not get what i'm saying is what i'm saying is leave yourself room for fewer stars there can always be a worse review that is what that is what i'm saying I think that there are

some people who feel that to make themselves feel better they got to go shit on something else and you know what it does work for some people and you know I'm out here making fun of someone on the show but I'm doing it for you know for the entertainment value of the show the fact is you know our you know user slash legitimate rage who is i guess an angry enough person to name himself that uh or herself maybe you're just pretending to be an out-of-touch guy but the point is that like if you but if you go and actively try to hurt someone like i've had people who have like heard me on a radio show who have like called an employer to

try to get me fired because like they didn't fired because they didn't think I was funny. How is it this big of a deal to you? Just fucking move on and it's fine. If you don't like me, that's cool. How many episodes do you guys have? 335. 335. So I think that there's enough entertainment that if someone doesn't vibe with one guest who the fuck cares move on go

in this case they're down to 333 yeah that's true I've eaten up two episodes or I was only on like half the other episodes so it's fine that's the way all the guests are though with their reception like it's and it's not just the PKA fan base it's every podcast that I've ever

listened to like it's rare to read the comments the pka fan base it's every podcast that i've ever listened to like it's rare to read the comments on any forum and see them be like oh this this guest was okay i don't i don't really you know let him come back if he wants like that's even the way i feel like the podcast that i listen to like i'll be like oh man joe rogan you know that guy is the worst i listened to 20 minutes of it and it was trash like awful like i don't comment that because i got things to do. But, like, then if there's, like, a Jordan Peterson one, which is really interesting, it'd be like,

uh, that was really good. Have him back on, you know, next week and the week after. That was really interesting. So I think that's just a natural internet thing, is you get, like, a little taste of something you like, and you just keep picking at it. Or you get a teeny little taste of something you hate, and you have to make sure everybody knows you hate it. Yeah, that's all it is, Steve. You're like that bad

part of the pecan. They've had you, and they're just like, no, no, not that again. That bad, giant, four-headed part of the pecan. I think it's not just the internet thing. I think a lot of people, when they say, oh, well, it's the internet, but we're all human beings. Every one of us behind a keyboard is a human. I mean, most of us are, I think. I'd imagine so. I don't know if you have any robot listeners. I don't want to offend anyone who identifies as a robot. Like I know that maybe that's a...

Any binary folks? Yeah, actual binary folks. Those are binary folks. You know, I think it's a human thing to want to feel important by having an opinion and there are some people who understand that like you can have that opinion and that's fine and talk about it with your friends but don't actively try to shit on somebody and then there are some people who like that's their whole thing and so the reason i'm shitting

on legitimate rage is because i want him to know how that feels i want him to listen to this episode and be like man that guy's really being mean to me. And then realize, yeah, that's what you do. Do you think he's going to have that reaction? Because I think it's just as likely that he goes, you know what? I'm getting kind of famous. I have succeeded beyond all expectations.

Vindicated is what he will think, I think. Because it seems to be any time anyone is indulged for any reason online, that seems to be any anytime anyone is indulged for any reason online you know that seems to be the response but i've been hated on many times and never once has a response from me made them go you know what woody strong point i've changed my mind that you ever had that happen on twitter where you like have a discussion with someone about something that you disagree with and at the end they'll go like, oh, that was a pretty good point.

I've had it on Reddit. It's almost confusing because you're like, no, no, you'll be back with something. Are you doubling back? Are you talking to me like you're in the trap? What are you doing to me?

You're acting like a reasonable person, yet here we are on the internet so that can't be it. Every now and then I find it most common on Reddit. I've actually seen it on YouTube every now and then as well which is weird because most... Have you ever seen that YouTube comment filter where you can change everything to say herp derp derp derp herp? It's amazing.

It's really great. It does happen. That's the thing. There are you know, and, like, it does happen. And that's the thing. There are reasonable people. And, like I said, everyone behind that keyboard is a reasonable person. So, look, legitimate rage, whoever you are and whatever sewer you live in. No, like, right now, I'll stop making fun of you right now. And I'll say that, like, you are a human being.

And you want to be treated like one. And so do the same to other people. Because the vast majority of people on your Reddit board were awesome, and were, like, really gracious, and were, you know, excited to interact with a guest. And were just really, you know, genuinely good people. And then there were, like, a couple of total shitheads who are the loudest. So I wanted to make a sign for one. But here, I'll change my sign now. Here. heads who are the loudest so i wanted to make a sign for one but here i'll change my sign now here you should make for the next episode you're on make a sign of your favorite one of our users

oh that's a great idea nothing but praise positive things way it out yeah or or just leave them be you know yeah i can see kyle's face i was like is taylor's thing gonna work are people gonna compete for favorite fan no of course not no no yeah you're right that would never possibly give a fuck yeah yeah i'm not sure that sign got better well i don't want to fuck him. I mean, that's true. Well, yeah, but I just felt like it was more almost a compliment the first time.

I don't know. Okay, here, hold on. The funniest thing in my head that could possibly happen right now is that, and I don't know this user at all, but if he ended up posting a picture of himself online and he has MS or something. And you just look like the biggest, most brutal bully ever.

Oh, I thought you thought it would be funny for him that he had a debilitating disease. No. That's what you were laughing at. The prospect of him having MS. No, I'm saying it because it would be the Reddit post. Steve Hofstetter bullies. That's the best part. I actually

love his forehead. And it's degenerative, so, you know, he's got to live with it. It's the best. No, I, like, genuinely, I will say this genuinely, because if he's still listening at this point, which I know he is because we're talking about him and, you know, people have ego like that.

I will say that, like, I'm done making fun of him unless he takes another shot, in which case I will make many, many more signs because I find it amusing. Many, many more signs to just hold up. You're going to start your own video podcast, the Anti-Hist Podcast. to just hold up, you're going to start your own video podcast. The Anti-Hift Podcast. No, I mean, I just think I wanted to set him forth as an example of just someone being petty. Like, I think it's funny to me when people want to be heard so much that they have to think of anything they could say that would hurt.

Yes, you pointed out how petty he was being. Yeah. Shined a real light on it. A giant spotlight on his pettiness. That's the exact point. Oh. Wait, what's this thing that was...

Oh, yeah, yeah. Don't read that out loud. Don't read that out loud. That is true. That happened. I can vouch for that. I'm very glad you told me not to read that out loud because I was about to read that out loud. The worst part is Woody did it to him.

He vaccinated him. Oh, my God. That's terrible. None of that is true. Kyle's attitude. Of course it's not true. It was true until Kyle joined in. He just skateboarded on over to him,

pushed the plunger, and skateboarded away. Good bumps. Yeah, I... But have you ever, like... I mean, look, you guys do this a ton. And when... And clearly you guys used to be on the Reddit board, or at least that's what they said,

and then you stopped going on. So I'm curious, why is that? I you guys you guys are joking around that i'm being petty about it but like shit like that does suck in the bible in the in the old testament god was showing up left and right right like he was he's making his influence felt upon the world i already love that we're gods in this i could not have asked for a better answer fit us into a different parable and make it right I don't think you can and after a while man started

you know that 400 year period after the ending of the writing of the Old Testament before the beginning of the new one those 400 years were the Maccabee era that's where I think the subreddit is they're in that 400 years of, you know, keep the faith. They'll be back.

They'll be back. And they will. Like, risen like a phoenix. Like, Christ. It's like the hate lasted eight days when they only thought it would last for one. Pretty much. Exactly like that. I still pop in and comment on stuff over there every once in a while.

I just don't comment on internet things that much like forums or articles or threads i don't know yeah what do you what are your what are your go-tos what are your sites that you that you use every day reddit for sure like reddit or hockey and a few other things and then espn you know i still go to yahoo sports and everyone like rips on yahoo like it's the worst thing in the world and i it's just organized in a way where i i know where all the articles are yeah i there i use reddit virtually everything um i watch cnn uh you know i was gonna say cnn but i thought that i'd be like targeted as some sort of liberal Kool-Aid drinker or something.

They've got a live app on Sling, and it's easy. It's right there. So I watch a lot of CNN. I like Anderson Cooper. YouTube is way bigger than any other site that I use. Do you guys use YouTube more than any other site? I do. Hours a day. I definitely, definitely do. It blows all the

other ones out of me. What's funny is it'll be like, oh, you know what? I just don't really want to commit to a 40-minute show right now, like a TV show that's called an hour, yet I'll watch six 15-minute YouTube videos. Yeah. I sat there.

It's really funny to watch history, and you can clock my day. It's like two hours of me watching Aculite or Jack Fraggs play Battlegrounds, and then all of a sudden I needed to know how to make stuffed potatoes. And I went through like four videos of that. And then I wanted some fancy bacon, so there's like three videos on bacon. And then there's like some sexy moments from some movies. And then there's no more record for like 45 minutes because I shifted to a different website.

And then I'm back to the Battlegrounds again. 45 minutes. Sexy moment from movies. Taking your time. Yeah, yeah. You really want to edge it out there. Make it a show. Yeah.

That is – I don't have that kind of time. I know. I embarrass myself on Reddit. I get the idea and I execute. I surf through Reddit so much, Reddit runs out of content. That's when you fucked up. When you get to the bottom. Yeah, well, it's on my phone.

You can get to the bottom of Reddit? Yeah, after like 1,000 or 1,200 or so, it'll stop giving you new articles. It just keeps going. I've never gotten down to 1,200 before. Oh, it's so bad. You know, like a few pages and there's nothing good. It's like, eh. So when you're on R All, once you get past

like 150 articles or so, it's like Buzz Lightyear. Porn. Porn everywhere. There's just naked girls. Every fifth article is a naked girl of one. And the good ones, too. The cream rises to the top.

But I go to the bottom, too. There's a subreddit for that. So... Yes. There's a subreddit for cream, Kyle, you were saying? I just meant... It's called cum sluts. Oh, I'm familiar with It's called Cum Sluts. Oh, I thought you...

Oh, I'm familiar with that subreddit, yes. I don't think he was talking about what he puts on his potatoes. I'm understandable in thinking so, though, given the proximity to potato discussion. Yeah, that's true. Or what do you use those potatoes for?

Or why are you judging what he puts on his potatoes? What's that like old internet meme of uh of what people did to like fuck uh like you fuck a bagel or you fuck like a pineapple in the microwave or something do you remember hearing about that like that that meme from years ago i think you and I have different internets. It's funny because I'm like, it's tomato. It's heated tomato. Like early in my marriage, my wife and I got a VHS tape on like how to be better at sex. There was like a guys and a girls like dual tape thing.

Like a box set. And each of you had a video cassette. And it was like red and blue or did you have like the symbols a video cassette. And it was red and blue? Or did you have the symbols for male and female? It was pink and blue. And one had a heart on it. And I don't know what the blue one had. A cock?

Probably. And I remember we... Wait, wait. One had a heart on it. And the other one had a heart on it. Ah, yeah, yeah. Oh, there you go. And I remember we watched it.

And I read it had to be a better lover to a woman. And I remember we watched it and I read it had to be a better lover to a woman and she, not read, watched. And she watched the opposite. And then at one point I was like, you know, it just makes sense that we watch the other person's tape. Even though it seems gay to me to figure out how to better handle a cock.

Let's see what they're teaching him there. It was like Cosmo. Like, hey, check this out. Put a hole in the tomato, microwave it for like 40 seconds, jerk them off with that. And I'm like, what? Don't you ever. I can just see, like, if you hadn't checked up on it, she comes walking toward you. You're blindfolded, tied to the bed with a heart on.

And she's got a tomato she microwaved for two and a half minutes. The water switch is at fucking thermite temperatures. to the bed with a hard-on, and she's got a tomato she microwaved for two and a half minutes, the floor of which is at fucking thermite temperatures, and as she slides it over the head of her cock, and you start screaming louder than she's ever heard in her life, she's like, it really does work. Do you think that those tapes

were made by, like, an angry divorced woman? That's quite possible, yeah. Who was just trying to, possible yeah fuck with married couples that's so stupid i've seen so many of those cosmo things about like putting a donut over his dick and eating it like don't put a donut on my dick like are you fucking crazy like first of all you don't need a donut second of all doesn't even matter what she looks like that is is chewing time they didn't factor into that it's not just you bite a donut and then you eat the whole donut and then you're

quickly on to the blowjob no you're now sitting there with your penis stuck through a sugar dough ring as this person slowly takes their time eating the donut because it was never about giving you head it was an excuse to eat the donut the whole time and I'm worried that now I've got sugar on my cock if

that cock goes in her pussy we could have a yeast infection scenario. The cock donut in your coffee. Like, make it a morning ritual. Like, what is this? That's absurd. If I put sugar in a girl, that's, like, exactly how this happens. That's how you ruin a game. That's absolutely true, Woody.

Don't put sugar in a vagina. They don't mix at all. And I'm so shocked that, like, a lot. They don't mix at all. And I'm so shocked. A lot of people don't know that. So they're putting jelly and jam and pussies and eating it. And remember when we were watching that video about the prisoner talking about eating a jelly ass? Yeah, I get my ass eat.

I get my salad tossed all the time. A little grape jelly in my ass. That boy going to eat my ass, boy. Toss my salad in my jelly ass. Don't do that. You'll get a terrible yeast infection. That doesn't work. But wait, yeast plus sugar equals donut. Oh, wait.

You add some barley down there. Then you make a new donut. You gotta put the tap in. Where do you put the tap in? Where do you put the tap in? I don't know. It only works for trans women yeah every time we do this i'm like my mom watches the show my mom's watching this right now uh yeah she took issue with you once, Kyle I think I think that you disparaged

what some, like you made a distinction between good labias and bad labias, you were all about the any and Your mother was offended by that? She was I don't want to talk about your mother's vagina Well, we don't know

I think she just felt like you were being selective. And there are two classes of vagina. It's like travel used to be in the old days. Remember, we've all seen the Titanic. There's all those fancy people up on top with champagne. I can believe I can

fly and all that shit. And then there's dirty cocksuckers down below triple bunk bed in it. That's what those big meaty pussies are for. They're triple bunk bed in it somewhere down in the lower class of people. Nobody wants your big roast beef vagina that, that can't be contained within normal people underwear. You've always got to have some big wide crop.

Like, like I know. It looks like you're like walking. It's looking like they stole a newspaper. It's like, it looks like they stole a newspaper? Yeah. It's a bundle down there.

It looks like a jellyfish. It looks like a regular one. I don't want any part of it. The any vagina is the pinnacle of vaginas. I have been fortunate to experience many an any vagina in my life. One of my favorite subreddits is rinnie. I-N-N-I-E. Now you can go there if you want to see some quality vagina. There's no belly buttons on that

subreddit. That's an inny vagina. That's perfect. That's what we want. But if I see a sloppy Arby's roast beef and cheddar kind of fucking pussy, I immediately flip off that. Yeah, the cheddar is definitely the problem. Although this tomato goes with it quite well.

A little horsey sauce, maybe? Yeah. Okay, well, here's a question, Kyle. If you are with a girl who is otherwise a 10, and then that happens, what do you do? No, I've had this, and I fucked the girl the whole time i'm like ah god that thing is gross i don't want that thing on my penis like i don't want that yeah man like i don't like i always thought this was one of the reasons that guys were

better than girls that like that that we don't discriminate based on vaginas yeah yeah like big labia small labia medium labia we say, we found a winner with the first world problems. This is not a first world problem. This is even worse than me wanting green screens to be up to spare me from having to look at other people's misery. Even worse than that. I don't want to fuck an ugly pussy. I can just imagine four women sitting around and be like, well, I just won't fuck a guy who's not circumcised. I just won't like nobody would shit on her idea. She's like no It's unattractive. It's gross. There's skin hanging off the end. I'm not into it. I will not

What can you do if you are a woman with that that you can get a vagina plasty? There's a there's a surgery. They'll go down there. Maybe a labia plasty. Yeah. Yeah, thank you. Thank you We can get both right. There's a there. They'll go down there. Olivioplasty, I think. Yeah, yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Well, you can get both, right? There's another type. While you're down there. There's another surgery that'll actually tighten your vagina. They can make your vagina super tight. And they can even, I saw a thing where they gave a girl back her virginity.

They cut like a patch of skin, and they made her a false hymen. So that when she had sex. No, that's clickbait. No one was given their virginity back. This isn't the Bible. Alright, alright. That might have been a Law & Order episode. Hold on a second. Did the surgery look like someone just doing this for a while?

There was a lot of rubbing the way I remember it. Are you sure this wasn't a Pornhub massage video? I've got those bookmarked. I would never get them confused. My bad. No, I'm not into unattractive vaginas. And the more labia there is, the more outer lip.

Because I feel like that's part of the confusion here. We can pull up some images, but I'm not sure we can show the crowd. We obviously can't show pictures of vaginas to the crowd on YouTube. Yeah. Okay, so, all right, let me tell you some characteristics

that would immediately be like, that's a no-go. Whenever I see a porno picture and the girl is just standing, like there's a subreddit I enjoy called That Gap, and it's all about the gap between a woman's thighs when she's standing.

That gap. Yeah, that gap between her thighs, like right below her ass. It's a trademark of a very fit woman. Yeah, it's almost like a certain silhouette shape. It's indicative of, like, a sexy lady to begin with. If that's there, it's probably true. Like when guys have

that good, whatever it's called. Yeah, that V thing. Like Jesus. Yeah, that that good whatever it's called. Yeah that V thing Jesus yeah the Jesus look that's right Christ figured out those kettlebells Never skip court a never skipped can't wait for fitness talk. We'll have to cover it That's a cardio to I'd imagine and the fish diet that that I like to think Christ was a swimmer too, I'd imagine, and the fish diet. I like to think Christ was a swimmer. You're about to finish the vagina thing.

Yeah, the vagina thing. If I see pussy lips hanging down, like if there was a silhouette of you and I can see inner lip coming down, that's an absolute no-go. Like, it's okay if when you're aroused, they peek out a little bit, right? Because they're going to become engorged with blood. Blood is a sexual organ. It's going to change.

It's going to change a little bit. If it's hanging out during regular walking around time to the point where I'm like, yeah, yeah, there it is. Look at it. Look at it. Yeah, there's a lot of it. No, absolutely not. It needs to be at any. It really does need to be at any. Honestly, for me, it would have to be

bananas. For me, it would have to be to the point that I would be concerned about a medical condition or a disease. It would have to be to the point that I would be concerned about a medical condition or a disease. It would have to be if I had just the tip in and it's still covered. That's too much. No, it's not common.

Wait, how small is the rest of it? For me, it would have to be actual physical bananas. It would have to resemble a cluster of bananas. An actual cluster of bananas. Yellow and five, six inches long. A actual physical bananas. Like it would have to resemble a cluster of bananas. An actual cluster of bananas. Yellow and five, six inches long. A cluster of bananas.

With a peel. And even then I'll give it a go. And the little nubbin at the end. Bananas are fine. You microwave them for 30 seconds. I'm just saying with a peel. You're good. I'm going to show you some graphic images now.

This vagina simply would not cut it. This vagina would not cut it. I can't wait to see this image. By the way, Kyle did not search these. He just had these up. Yes. This is my wallpaper currently. Yes.

So this would be a no-go for you. That's a no-go. That is a no-go. Too much going on there. Now, I will admit there's a lot going on there, but I don't think you're going to find a showstopper. Yeah, there's a lot going on there, but I mean... Oh, really?

Yeah, okay. Challenge accepted. But if we can sense that there is something afoot, like an STD or a deformity that you're trying to pass off as a normal vag, we will know. Yeah. And also, the butthole's important, too. If she has a gross butthole, I'm not into that either. Like, that thing needs to look like a balloon knot, right?

Like, it just needs to, like, it needs to be a cute butthole. I don't want some gross butthole back there that I don't even want to look at. And every time I do catch a peek at it, I'm like, ugh. Like, you know, if it looks like – You have to make some tactical thumb places. Remember that testicle? If it looks like something from Rick and Morty, like, ugh. Look at that asshole.

It looks like it might go blah, blah, blah, blah, and, like, talk to me out of nowhere. Like, no. No. Kyle, the problem is you've got to stop having sex on mushrooms. So much more fun i can't show you the images that kyle's linking however they do kind of exist on the reflection of my golden play button so if you look real carefully yeah you'll see very little oh i just thought that that was what YouTube's golden play button looked like now. Just a big labia? Yeah. A gigantic

set of meat curtains. But Kyle, you've brought a nice young woman home. You're about to kick it off. You pull off her... Well, I'm going to wait for you to send the next image. Are you sending another one? I was looking for some of the worse ones, but some of them just look

like, you know, like, what is this? What is that? Ah, here you go. Like, here you go. Nobody would fuck this. You'd have to be a farm animal or something. He really is slow at copy and pasting. Well, it's because I'm using one hand, and I'm just using

a mouse, and I don't have multiple monitors. What's the other hand doing? Oh yeah, that's not... There's no way this is a thing. That's not real. There's no way this is a thing. You might have found one. This is extraordinary. That is a

penis-sized labia, really. Oh yeah. By the way, as soon as these pictures come in, I'm scrolling back up to where you wrote bump a whole bunch of times. Now, let me tell you the disparity here with my opinion. This vagina I would be okay with because what's been done to this vagina is they took one of those pumps and they put it over the vagina and went ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch. Oh, the penis pumps, the vacuum things.

Yeah, they have a penis pump that has a vagina attachment. It's shaped like a big cup, and you put it over the entire vagina, and it doesn't fit every girl. She has to have, if you start with some big fucking nasty vagina, it won't work. But you, and it like super engorges the entire outer and inner vagina. It's crazy. I've never done this, but I would totally be down.

That looks prolapsed almost. It looks like an overripe vagina. It's crazy. I've never done this, but I would totally be down. That looks prolapsed almost. It looks like an overripe peach. It does. I'm sure you're right. I can certainly say it looks a bit prolapsed, but it's entirely healthy what's happened here. Now, they do make another attachment for the asshole, which I would not recommend, and it basically does prolapse your asshole. Don't do

that. But the vagina thing's okay. There'll be no lasting side effects of this. People are purchasing a tool that prolapses their own asses. Can I subscribe to your newsletter? Yeah, yeah. I've got an email. I send out an email biweekly. Toys, coupons, all kinds of stuff. Toys and coupons. Okay, Kyle, the question I was asking you, or I was starting to, the second one, not the most recent one you posted of the blown up one, the second one. You have a wonderful night with a lady. You go to dinner.

She's very sweet. You're getting on well. You get home. You start taking the pants off. You've ignored the bulge thus far. So you put a penny in for a pound. You get those panties down and that's what you're

confronted with. What happens realistically? Don't say, get out of my house. The second one for people who don't have the benefit of the image was the most extreme one. It was a four or five inch labia. Also, before he goes, Kyle, do you bother to go to dinner first? Because the way you were talking about it was like, oh, tens and I'd kick them out. It sounds like they're all just like outside your door right now, just waiting. There's at least two or three out there.

They're clawing like walking dead. Yeah, I'd go to dinner for a movie. Not to say they're just going to fuck them and not take them anywhere. I like a little companionship. But yeah, if I pull down her panties, and it depends how big it is. There is a point where I'm like, ah, there's something wrong with you do you do well with women in like high school and college uh i did okay i didn't go

to college uh but i've kind of done okay always i guess not fantastically but you know as life has gone on i guess i've done better and better right because what i'm wondering is you know and like that that's true with you know a, a lot of guys, especially guys with, you know, successful careers, you tend to do better. And what I'm wondering is when did your standards change to this? Because I don't think that that's where you were when you first started. Oh, it absolutely – no. There's never been a time when I would – like I've always found that those – I remember my cousins – my cousin had porno mags that he'd taken from his dad. Oh, thank God that that's where this went.

Yeah, right? You're like, oh, this is getting very fast. His cousin had a huge labia. It turned me on for the rest of my life. I need an adult. So he had porno mags that he had smuggled, and he had a supply. And I remember looking and seeing this woman who was like spread eagle, and you see her vagina. And it was the first time I'd seen the inner lips, and she had them spread and they were it was like it was like butterfly wings you know like coming out and they were so big and they were very dark and i remember then at like 12 maybe i was definitely attracted to women and i was like oh i want to see more of this but i was like i didn't know

there's a difference between what i didn't know that this was going to be part of sex. It literally made me think that every time I'm going to have sex, one of those is going to clamp onto my dick kind of like that thing from Alien. I found it really repugnant. Specifically the lips, because there were plenty of other vaginas.

You thought they were prehensile head lips. It looked like it. I recognize that not every pussy was like that, because there's other pussies in the book right it's like a hustler magazine so there's lots of that would have been amazing if every single picture was of that same person like what if that was my uncle's fetish like he like he yeah the magazine was called like meat hangers or something and he's just like page after page of fucking low-hanging lips just sticking out like a sick cow. Fucking... No, I'm sorry. I wouldn't be into that.

How great of a band name is low-hanging lips? There's a lot of other things that I'd be okay with. I would be okay with the girl being a little overweight or, like, I don't know, like, you know, having a lazy eye or... You would prefer a lazy eye being overweight to a large labia i knew that is bananas i knew a girl and one of her eyes went a little bit to the left you know her left eye went a little bit to

the left and if you're having a straight on conversation you notice it all the other time very cute very attractive totally would have been down and i always thought like if i ever get with this girl i'm gonna offer to fix her eye because it's like three grand and it would improve her exponentially right like it's an excuse to not listen to her stories right I didn't I didn't know you were talking to me oh I thought you're talking to him oh that would hurt her feelings so much oh of course not you never do that someone in real life with the lazy eye that'd be awful yeah I would much rather have a girl with a lazy eye. No offense to anyone out there with lazy eyes.

It's not even a big deal to me because it's a surgery. You get those muscles, they fix it, and it's not a big deal. It's not like I'm going to get a big forehead or something. I can't do shit about that. Yeah, I mean, fuck the situation. I just love the idea of Kyle just being this generous sex fairy. The idea that he'll have sex with a woman and then he'll just be like you know what that wasn't perfect here's three grand go get that fixed i know

that to girlfriends before like like not in a like this sounds like super light like misogynist and crazy like you start dating growing like yeah you could use some tits like right like right away but like i've totally offered girls who were already inquiring about this like i kind of like a boob job or a butt job or something, let's do that. It sounds like an investment. I'll invest, but we'll both benefit from this. I'd like you to have some new boobs too. That sounds like a good thing.

But seriously though, I would much prefer the lazy eye to a very large labia. You wouldn't want to have it drag it across your face? I imagine spreading it and You wouldn't want to just have it let her drag it across your face? Ugh! I imagine

spreading it and putting it over my nose and it covers my whole nose. And I try to pull away, but I can't. It's got me. What about using it, but you could use it like if you have to blow your nose during sex. It's convenient. You could grab the lips and...

Yeah. And she's like, oh yeah, keep going. You have to blow your nose during sex. It's convenient. You like grab the lips and Yeah And she's like, oh yeah keep going here like Or just every six seconds Sorry, you know. And I'm saying this from a place where, like, if there was something from my genitals, like, if there was something unseemly going on with mine, I would totally be like, hey, this isn't cutting it.

If I were a woman with a large labia, I'd get it fixed. If I were a man with, like, let's just say, I'm not going to say with a foreskin, but with, like, some crazy foreskin, like, you read that where people have problems, like, they can't get an erection because the skin will tear, like the skin will come back over the head.

There are people who have issues like that. If you had some crazy anteater thing where it's just absurd, like a wizard's sleeve, you've got to get that fixed. By the way, if you did have that, Legitimate Rage would comment about your huge foreskin. That's his fetish.

And he'd be right to do it. In fairness, on that one, I would agree with the mom. Man, this is a topic I didn't see us venturing into. No, no, that one was not on my list. Well, his mom wanted to... This was in the show notes you guys emailed me. Don't pretend. Imagine if it's show notes.

I don't think my mom is on Team Kyle yet. I think it's a divisive issue and she's not on your side. Well, maybe Kyle said something that was compelling to her this week. You'll have to ask. I'm sure it'll come up. Ask her if I sold her this week with my description of what a vagina is supposed to look like. Shouldn't men really have some input on that?

Well, yeah, of course men have input on it. Just like women have input on it. You have a total right to be like this, even if we think it's silly. If you're like, I only like this particular physical trait. You know what, Australia? This is another PKA fact. This might be like that Law & Order episode where they gave the girl back or hyman but isn't australia where there's a certain

class of vagina that they won't even show in pornography like i i'm pretty sure in in australia that they will not depict a meaty vagina in their pornography let me let me let me double check i think what you're thinking of is this. I'll go. In Australia, they have child pornography laws that make it illegal to show women who are over 18 but look under 18. So they can't have small boobs is one of the things. That is not what I'm thinking. It doesn't make any sense at all.

Actually, it's that the Australian classification board decides what vaginas must look like in soft porn. If a vagina has excess tissue, it may be labeled as offensive. So porn companies must digitally edit or remove parts of the labia, leading to only one type of vagina seen in porn magazines. First of all, who was still looking at porn magazines? I was just in Australia about a week ago and somehow this didn't come up. Nobody mentioned it at all. It's a real hot button issue.

I went to three different cities and no one, not even once, I think that maybe that was like they were prejudiced against me for being American so they didn't let me in on what was really going on. Otherwise, I think this would have come up. Here, I'm reading

an anti-censorship Australian sex party is talking about the 2005 ruling which specified that even depictions of women who are over 18 but appear to be underage may be judged illegal. This practice is a strategic way to fight child porn, but it's

an absurd to a perfectly normal female body type and then it goes on to talk about how small boobs are one of the things that they ban in australia a lot of women they think it's kind of like saying yeah if you have if i have not too many australian users on the subreddit i wonder if they like do they ban small dicks for the same thing like you know you know what? That guy's a little petite. I'm so terrified of Kyle's front page on Reddit, like what you're subscribed to. I've got some good ones in there. Bad Dragon's my favorite, but we can't spend a whole show talking about Dragon.

We've already spent a whole show talking about it. Two shows. You ever see a Dragon cock? It's going to get weird if we talk about it again. And the horse ones are more disturbing than the dragon ones to me. And they're colored. They're colored.

I just saw it on Reddit not long ago. First of all, as long as my arm, they actually ejaculate these dildos. But the most disturbing part of it for me personally hedge that statement was we don't give any coloring like you know horses they're spotted liability so I'm an investor okay over at bad dragon

cock that's not bad right cockpit their products are great I just saw like you said I've read it there was some some girl fucking herself with a horse dick. And she was like, ah, it hurts my cervix so good. And I'm just like, all right. Just keep on flipping through the homepage. That is an uncommon opinion I've learned. That's a good thing. Yeah.

Some girls are like, ah, you just punched me in the balls. But then some girls really like that. So you get a little bit of both. Well. Learn something new every day. I've watched episodes of SVU to understand what a cycle of abuse does. SVU teaches a lot of valuable lessons.

It teaches one valuable lesson over and over. Which is Ice-T KX. The main thing that SVU teaches is that when a show is successful, they stop paying for writers. 19 seasons in. When are they going to give it up?

They can only fuck a kid so many ways. John Mulaney has the definitive stand-up on Law & Order. There's no one who will ever write better Law & Order jokes than Mulaney's already written. I hope he comes out with a new one soon because he's a guy that yeah his stand-up is just fucking hilarious i i don't i've never like gone on the youtube adventure looking for his interviews or anything like that i've just watched the stuff on netflix is two specials but they're great i know you like

him as well kyle right mulaney i i got to work with him and the show couldn't have been better set up for me to succeed and for it to be difficult for him. Like it was we were both doing an hour and it's hard to do an hour after someone has just done an hour. And it was at Northeastern University and the sponsoring group was my fraternity. And so like everybody came out for me and I had a great set. And then he was on stage for maybe 30 seconds before it didn't matter that I had ever been alive. Like, he is so good that, like, the situation didn't matter. He was just amazing.

He, uh, I just, every time I think about his jokes, the thing that jumps out at me is, like, his eighth graders make fun of you the way they know you don't want to be made fun of and then the way he calls out with such self-awareness that his own physical flaws of like you know look at that high-waisted man he's got feminine hips and like then you look at his body and you're like holy shit he has incredibly high waists and big feminine hips like that's exactly what those kids would say. I think about that and just laugh sometimes. It was brilliant. Hopefully he makes something new.

Kyle, what does your shirt say? It says Sunnyvale. Oh, okay. Cool. I couldn't see it. Yeah, I'm captain of the Sunnyvale what is it? Ball Hockey League. If you don't know, what chance do I have? You gotta watch like 12 seasons of trailer park boys uh yeah i i just saw that i just saw the ny for a moment i was like oh is that like

a new york thing like nope there's that now i used to play ball hockey it was my first style of hockey that i played uh great story i know yeah they called it deck hockey where I was from. It's basically street hockey but in an arena with boards and stuff. I think I played that in gym class in high school. It was fun. That's all I got on the subject.

All you got on the hockey subject. That's more than Kyle brings to hockey subjects. I have more on regular hockey. I haven't watched hockey or even paid attention to it since the Blues got knocked out. Please tell me Pittsburgh is losing. Pittsburgh is losing 2-1 in the series.

Good. Against Ottawa. I am a New York Rangers fan, and it looked like we were going to take Ottawa down, and then we uh did we totally shit the bed so that sucked on the plus side though i had montreal beating new york in the first round i thought that was going to be hard for the rangers and they ended up totally proving me wrong on that i didn't think the blues were going to make it through the first round it really

looked like they had turned around and been a completely different team and then they were uh leading by a lot and then they sucked and then i stopped watching as well i always like i'm i'm watching the games again now because i want to follow it all the way through but usually the round right after the blues get eliminated i just check out because it's just obnoxious and then in the end it's all yeah i catch up by the i catch up by the stanley cup but like because the rangers are never knocked out in the round before the Stanley Cup, usually it's a couple rounds before, so it gives me time to recover.

Oh, first world problems. Do your teams make the playoffs? Yeah. No, you don't even get to complain, Woody. The Flyers missed the playoffs by one fucking point and they got the second overall draft pick this year because some random dice roll nonsense.

I will still complain. It's so crazy, and they got the second overall draft pick this year because some random dice roll nonsense. I will don't complain. It's so crazy, by the way, that the Celtics got the first overall pick also. Yeah, I don't know much about the NBA, but they're going to, like, how does that work? They basically traded the Nets for the ability to, like, trade up in picks, and then the Nets pick is the one that got it,

so then the Celtics got it. Yeah, I don't know anything about basketball, but I saw that trending on Twitter, and it just made me feel like, oh, man, if I loved basketball, I would be so pissed right now. If you're a 76ers fan or whatever the hell, and you see the team that's in the Final Four. They're in the Final Four, right? Like the Celtics?

It's not called that, but yes. Oh, yeah. The last four. They are part of the four teams that are remaining. But the Final Four is... Remaining teams. Yeah, Final Four. That's college basketball. Yeah, my knowledge is showing.

Anyway, that's all. I ran out of things to talk about about basketball mid-sentence. That's how little... College basketball. Yeah. My knowledge is showing. I ran out of things to talk about about basketball mid-sentence. That's how little I know. Yeah, the way that you're like, if that basketball team scores more runs and they wear their football hats. Yeah. Why are they wearing their half pants? Yeah.

I really like, I want to get a pair of basketball knickers. Basketball knickers and a sleeveless tee yeah yeah I'll be I'll be hip I'll get $1,300 sneakers made by a starving Cambodian people will respect me I think it is fun though that we then send the like the team that loses in the finals we send those t-shirts to the same kid that made that loses in the finals, we send those t-shirts to the same kid that made the sneakers in the beginning. It's a nice Hakuna Matata. I really like that. You always see that

in charity pictures where you'll see like, you know, 2010 Philadelphia Flyers Stanley Cup champions and a bunch of people with hands cut off because they didn't bring enough rubber back to the factory, wearing that sad, macabre shirt now. Look, they should have thought of that before they didn't bring that rubber back.

Well, it is sleeveless. That's true. Oh, my God. Kyle. Kyle with the three-pointer. From downtown. All right, let me give everybody a quick word here from NatureBox. What do you do when you

want to snack but all you can find is junk food? Rely on your self-control to resist the temptation? Please, you eat the junk food. Start snacking healthy with NatureBox. NatureBox makes snacks that actually taste great and are better for you. Created with high quality ingredients that are free from artificial colors, flavors, or sweeteners, so you

can feel great about snacking. Some of our personal favorites here include the peanut butter nom-noms, the chocolate hazelnut granola, and the praline pumpkin seeds. I also like the coconut cashews a lot. NatureBox recently made their service even better. Now you can order as much as you want, as often as you want, with no minimum purchase required, and you can cancel any time. It's simple. Go to naturebox.com and check out their snack catalog.

There are over 100 snacks to choose from, and they are constantly adding delicious new snacks. Choose the snacks you want, and they'll deliver them right to naturebox.com and check out their snack catalog. There are over 100 snacks to choose from, and they are constantly adding delicious new snacks. Choose the snacks you want, and they'll deliver them right to your door. With Naturebox, you'll never get bored. There are new snacks each month inspired by real customer feedback. And if you ever try a snack you don't like, Naturebox will replace it for free. And right now, you'll save even more. Naturebox is offering painkiller-ready fans 50% off your first order.

When you go to naturebox.com slash pka, that's naturebox.com slash pka for 50% off your first order when you go to naturebox.com slash pka that's naturebox.com slash pka for 50% off your first order naturebox.com slash pka all right yeah i would show you what the food looks like but i ate it all i ate it all it was so good yeah i think you guys should talk to naturebox and have a thing where like send a free one to your guests. I'm just spitballing for ideas. They did that once. They had that offer before, but currently it's 50% off. So it's kind of like that, but better. Yeah.

Well, I mean, I don't get a free one, but I don't care. Look, I don't care if your audience gets a discount. I mean, that's very nice for them. I congratulate them on it. It's about Steve. It's about I want a free nature box right now. And a free mattress as well, please. We're just glad you're speaking in the first person again.

Yeah. I was going to be like, comedian wants free nature box. Can you guys do a clip like that? Just title it. I had a friend of mine put up a heckler clip. Miles Weber, who I'm performing with this weekend, had put up a heckler clip where it said,

comedian kicks heckler in the face. And he was performing in a stage where the stage is much higher, where people's faces are right around where his foot would be. And so it really looked like that could happen. And then, then obviously he just handled the heckler really well in the comments he wrote like you really wanted to see me do that you sick fucks like this is this is why you clicked on the video you you terrible person well i've seen that right like i can't i don't know who it was but there's that one comedian

who's kind of like in i don't know looks like he's in a bar like his stage is like one step up it's the opposite of what you just described and some guy who like seemed like he fucked with him a lot heckled with him a lot they're having this altercation he's like come at me go ahead come up here i dare you i dare and the guy comes at him again and he just drop kicks this guy to the ground i don't know that uh see if i can find it i saw i've of course seen the one where the comedian i think he's either a comedian or maybe a guitar a musical comedian. Yeah, he's a musical guy. That was like the 80s. He dunks it with a guitar and, like, decks the guy.

And he's like, you all saw it, right? He came right at me. And they're all like, boo. No, bro, you took him out. You escalated, like, four notches. You see where the he kicks the guy there's there's one where uh brian bruner got attacked on stage like a physical attack i've never i've never been like i've dealt with a bunch of actors but i've never had any physical problems with them um you know the the trick is to make

sure that the rest of the crowd is with you enough to stop any of that okay as it comes up the only one who's made it to the stage there was a woman who made it to the stage once, but she just was drunk and wanted attention, and she tried to grab the microphone, and I kind of just, like, just shouldered her away. That's not my shoulder, that's my elbow. You know, alright, I kind of did that. And it was

a new club, and the security guards, like, were afraid of, like, grabbing anybody, and so then they chased her through the crowd like it was the end of a Benny Hill episode. Just like they wouldn't touch her. And she just kept running around over and over again. It was utterly ridiculous. Something about the drunk woman wanting attention

makes me hate her. That's like a class of woman right there with the one who yells stop at a fight i just stop yeah oh yeah the yeah well what she's yelling is this fight needs to be about me you're not paying attention to me in this moment oh my god oh my god i was uh i need to see if any of you empathize with this too i was listening to another podcast that's one of my favorites the dick show with dick masterson and he i'd never articulated the thought in my head but he said something that pissed him off and i like immediately resonated with it so much and it was like fake gasping that women do that stresses you out when you

think something bad has happened but it's like oh you're like oh oh I thought I'd misplaced my purse or like along those lines oh I thought I forgot my mascara in the car I'm gonna have to go get it like that kind of thing and it immediately triggered it's like something in my head we're like not just like girlfriends but like even like moms grandma's whatever like it's just a woman thing where they just think they're very low stakes in their world okay take much to elicit a world that's what a tarantula lands on your jugular as you were digging through those boxes in the garage to them it's

like I wore my brown shoes when I when i was uh first learning how to drive like the the first time i was in a car where i was driving and my mother was in the passenger seat like everything i would do she would like grab at the dashboard and gasp really quick and i was like you understand that's gonna make me crash right like the the idea that you're making me think that something's coming at us from your side. Like this is way more dangerous. My mom did that too where it was like the best thing you can do is just sit there and pretend like I'm not in danger. The same way that like when a kid falls, if you go like, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, are you okay? They're going to be like, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.

But if you go, ah, this guy fucking on the ground the kid will be like am i hurt he's responding in a way that leads me to believe i am not hurt you know and so the kid doesn't do it like but oh the whole gasping every time you put on a little too much you know when there's and there's a car yeah a mere half mile in front of you so i used to and the other way around i used to uh i used to have this constant disagreement with my ex where every time because i would often i'm a big sports fan and you know i would look at my phone i'd be like oh man and she'd be like well what's wrong i was like what do you mean what's wrong like the mets lost and she's like oh i thought so i was like we've been together seven years you don't know my noises

yet you know what i mean like you don't know my level of like if something was genuinely wrong you think i would only go oh damn it you know like wouldn't it wouldn't I have done something a little bit more flourish than that let's watch this comedian kick this guy oh by the way I know this clip and I can tell you some behind the scenes from it oh cool

just a second I'm queuing up are we starting anywhere are we going from the just beginning we could start from 10 seconds to save you a little bit of bullshit Just a second. I'm queuing up. Are we starting anywhere? Are we going from the beginning? We could start from 10 seconds to save you a little bit of bullshit. Alright. I don't even need to watch this one. 3, 2, 1, play.

Ray, have a seat. Ray, if you put your hands on me again, if you put your hands on me again, if you put your hands on me again, the guy who got dropkicked is, like, a mentally challenged guy who goes to a bunch of the open mics. And a lot of the local comics in that scene don't like the guy. Because, you know, for a while, you feel bad when someone's mentally challenged. And then after a while, you're just like, this guy is ruining all these shows. He's wearing an aluminum foil hat.

He is. And he... Ah, so the retarded gentleman is the one in the tin hat? you're just like, this guy is ruining all these shows. He's wearing an aluminum foil hat. Yes. So the retarded gentleman is the one in the tin hat? Yes. Actually, I think he's the one on stage in this clip. Because it's the idea that someone, you've got someone like, yeah, he's being annoying, but someone who is clearly mentally challenged is walking slowly toward the stage.

You could tell he wanted to fight him ahead of time. You could tell from this clip that this guy was waiting for an excuse. And he did the whole you saw it thing also. He came at me. No, he didn't. He was an old man feebly walking toward the stage being annoyed with you. That was all he was. I think both of them are very, very wrong in this clip.

Both of them? A real stomach kicking. Yeah, I just saw the kick. That's where we are now. And now he's laying on his back. I'm pro-comedian on this thing. That guy approached the stage, finger in his face, at a fast walk. No, but he's retarded.

You can't be like, I hold you to the same standard as someone who knows what they're doing. The comedian said the man had already put his hands on him once, and to be fair, it doesn't matter if this man knows what he's doing or not, he is doing it. And he's probably incredibly strong. But also, he has that super strength. But also, he's Three times a normal man. I want to see the kick again. This is Sparta to him. Look at that.

This is Emmery's front kick. This is Sparta. The comedian was genuinely afraid for his safety, or do you think he was looking for an excuse to kick this guy? I think he wanted to kick the guy. When the guy came again, he was like, all right, now I'm going to fucking show you. But the comedian said, and we didn't see it

He was like you've already played your hands on me once that's what he's saying the beginning He's like don't you touch me again? Don't you touch me again? Don't you put your hands on me? And then he's approaching it that fast clip He's he's one step away from being like in personal space and in like punch Yeah, but he gave him a kick right before punch range. The only thing that makes it questionable is the fact that the guy is handicapped. Because if someone was charging at you like that, with that gait, that quick walking,

and they weren't sound of mind, you'd be fine kicking him, I think. Also, that they know each other. He knows that this guy is not all there. And he knows that this guy is not all there in a harmless way. I don't know that. I don't know that. You don't know that, but I'm saying he does.

Do you know that guy? He's okay? I know other comedians in the scene who are, like, the guy Raid Zone, he is an annoying person who none of them like, but at the same time they deal with. And he's not someone that anyone's ever been afraid of. It's the Chisholm. La da da da, it's the Chisholm. Eastern Europe and we're the downfall of... Oh, are we good? All right, we're good.

And we're recording. So glad to be here. Kyle has a very clever thing that he does when he's trying to get someone to hit record that I like is he starts going off on some anti-Irish or anti-Semitic rant because he knows whoever's responsible for recording will hit record really quickly.

Well, I just like, you know, I am, as Kyle puts it, one of the good ones. Yeah. That's only what he says to quote one of the good ones. Yeah, yeah, yeah the word the words uh damn and dirty often come before describing me so are there red-headed jewish people you're the only one i've met uh no we're talking about the irish there no there uh there are red-headed

jews it's not common but i used to do a bit about being being a redheaded Jew and every time there was one in the audience, you could just see them be like, oh, preach it, brother. Because it's... Redheads are 2% of the population. Jews are 2% of the population. So, even that makes us incredibly rare, but also, like, we just don't have, there's not a lot

of redheaded in the genes. Basically, it was my ancestors were raped by Vikings, whatever. That's how it works. Do you ever get like uh like shade tossed at you from other jews who are like uh like they don't they don't quite give you the the acknowledgement right away we're just so happy to have any numbers that were taking anybody yeah take anybody into the club my favorite my favorite joke about being jewish ever was written by fluor by uh wayne fetterman has a great joke where he says the thing about being jewish is that everyone who's more observant than you is fucking crazy and everyone who's less observant than you may as well not even be jewish at all so like the perfect summation of how it is yeah what he was

torrenting a lot of pornography apparently and his connection went down a few minutes ago so this is kind of like our part two of pk no kyle that was a private thing in the text yeah you weren't supposed to all that labia porn you got him into it yeah really you're half responsible on this i don't know if you're more or less responsible than that comedian who kicked the retarded guy but somewhere in that realm yeah i don't know who would have known that giant labia made up such huge hd files enough to crash your giant you know set up there uh giant labia is that's the name of my other band i don't know how i'm going to edit these two together whether I'm going to cut out the like 15 minutes

of me troubleshooting but because there are links in the description well they can just click we have like time stamps where they can go to every topic but anyway if I do leave it in you can't just slice it out like that's the laziest edit of like I'll just leave in 15 minutes of dead air because I don't want to take

the three minutes to edit it I was narrating what i was doing the whole time like all right now i'm doing this i'm sure i even say charming you know what i actually the reason i don't want you to do your one-man show while we're gone no worries then i don't want you to leave it in because i actually have a whole podcast devoted to fixing my own internet connectivity issues so that's gonna be a competing we have a very strict no compete clause here we're not you did not tell us about your internet connectivity podcast here's what i do i actually like i just look at the screen and i'm just like, okay, come on. It's not that.

I just do that for 15 minutes and then I sing Woody's songs. Do you often break it up with a, oh, no, I thought that would have been it. Do you drop one of those every once in a while? I'll just be like, okay,

turn the Wi-Fi off and now back on. Oh, no, nothing. That's actually... Look, it's hard. I don't really want to do my material on the air. You don't want to quote yourself.

Well, no, you're giving away company secrets right now I have to leave my stuff in there so they can see how much that resembles how accurate it was sometimes and sometimes if I really want to get the audience engaged I'll be like man fuck AT&T huh

and then anybody else less than enthused with their comcast subscriptions anyone maybe i'm just you know crazy anyone else people agree okay just spitball in here yeah but you don't understand like i walk through the halls my phone going off like my mom wife they're all texting me my my mother-in-law's you know she's like sitting up in her bed like you know on, I can't watch my television and it's like, no, this is my fault it's actually a video

podcast, you know, because a lot of it is because once I decide that it's not going to work, I will walk around and just hold my phone up to try to get the best signal possible and so then that's actually most of the final eight minutes of the podcast

just me doing this that's actually most of the final eight minutes of the podcast, just me doing this. That's pretty funny. But in all seriousness, we should not leave that 15 minutes in because people will be upset. Because they'll never get to this gold. No, they won't. They'll skip right past it and go, I don't want to hear anything about this. Well, you know, they can just imagine what it was like because Steve kind of just did a

play-by-play. That was it but 20 minutes long. Chiz just texted that it'll get really good when he calls the AT&T support line. My favorite part is actually not calling the support line. It's them listening to me choose through the menu and then there's actually

a part where I tune out and I don't hear all the options and then I have actually a part where I tune out and I don't hear all the options, and then I have to press 9 to play the menu again. That's the meat of the podcast. That's one of the recurring bits. That's the labia meat of the podcast. My wife wanted me to call in.

I'm like, that's all you, baby. It's got to be you. She's like, what, you're working? I explained to her the whole tethering thing. I think she might be calling AT&T right now. Which is a task completely relegated to me. I hope so. They'd be an authority maybe.

I don't think people have ever seen one. This big labia thing is going to be a mainstay of the show from now on. I'm holding onto this with both hands. It's actually going to be called. That's what you do. PKA. PKA. I was like, somebody will take it right somebody will grab wear it like a hat the gloves are off okay so

steve have you completely avoided all this trump material in your show uh i don't really do much trump stuff i the the main bit i do is addressing the idea that he's good for comedy because people like will say that often like he's good for comedy and my take on it is that it's hard to do stand-up in a post-apocalyptic wasteland uh like it's gonna it's gonna be it's gonna be difficult to just be like men and women are different or at least they were before the radiation so it's like you know a little bit of that um but for the most part it's i don't want to do material that everyone else is doing and also i've seen so many comics just do such lazy trump material it reminds me of the of a lot of the george bush material where

i did a i was on a tour briefly so this promoter made this tour they called it the blue stater comedy tour so this was in like oh five oh six something like that so uh and like i did one show with them and it was like tom simmons who's brilliant and then like a couple of comics who were just being like fuck bush right man isn't right? And I'm like, this isn't comedy. This is a complaining tour. And by the way, I know we have our political differences, and I've talked about that. But I did a show recently for a progressive charity where the whole audience was not just progressive. There were a lot of elected officials there. And when I was doing my set, I was like, this is everything were a lot of elected officials there and when i was doing my

set i was like this is everything wrong with progressives right now because there were so many oohs instead of laughs there were so many like oh no you know and i just wanted to be like you're pushing me conservative right now you you you fucking sensitive dicks like i've said this is this is not what we are this is not what we are and uh i think extreme and and there were not look half the crowd was wonderful um but you know there was a half the crowd that was just a very like we should all get along and so i finally i closed my set and i go i want you to know something uh stand-up comedy is the last art form that will be censored so when you censor us it's over so keep that in mind and uh what do you mean by that i mean i mean that stand-up is always supposed to be

counterculture so i fully believe that like you know that books and movies and things like that will be hit way before us if like we do come into a culture that actually actively censors stuff, you know, it's our job to not be. And so when standup gets censored, then it's over. Do you think there's a problem with comedians ever with self-censorship where they don't want to say certain things because they know they'll be kind of ousted from a community, the community of comedians,

and they won't be invited on shows or anything like that? I think sometimes people do that but i think there's also a level of self-censorship because people don't people are so afraid of someone not liking them that they don't have anyone like them you know what i mean like that they'll do like i had a promoter so they're like two middle of the ground milk toast absolutely and they'll be, you know, I'm not going to talk about politics because I don't want to divide the crowd. It's like, oh, so then no one will have a strong opinion about you in either direction. Like and not everyone has to be political. But if that's the reason you don't get into it, it's because you're it's you're being

a coward. And I like I had a promoter once say to me, like, because they wanted me to be clean for a show. And I go, I was like, hey, you know, the crowd who's coming to see me is my crowd. So they're going to want me to be me. And she goes, well, I've never had anyone complain that a show was too clean. And I go, yeah, what they do say is that show was too boring. And you don't understand that what that means is that show was too clean.

Yeah, I could see. There are a lot of comedians that are totally clean, or not a lot. Did you see that Tim Allen's show got canceled? Tim Allen? I've never watched it, but I thought it was a really successful show. Yeah, I did, but it's been on for a long time. I think, look, there are some wonderfully clean comedians. There are, you know, Brian Regan.

I wasn't saying he was clean. He was conservative, though. That's the thought process by a lot of people about why that show got canceled. Oh, that's silly. I don't know. It's making money. Like, a network is not going to pull a show because one of the people on it has conservative viewpoints. The whole show was about that, though.

See, the show is about a conservative family and their lifestyle. Like a nuclear family. And it was making money, and yet it was canceled. That's the story. That there was this show that was about sort of a right-wing conservative family. And they prosper, despite all that and um it was and the show was doing well on the air but it was recently pulled i when you say it's doing well what measurement what's the metric all i i i read that it was doing well in the ratings and that it

was a a a highly watched show i don't know what the nielsen ratings for it are or anything like yeah like i'd be i'd be curious i'd be curious to what the Nielsen ratings for it are or anything like that. Yeah. Like I'd be, I'd be curious to see it. It's not the ratings necessarily. It's the sponsors. So I'd be curious to see if the sponsors affected it at all. Like if anyone, because you know, and I don't know a ton about the show.

I know some people who work for him and I've opened for him. Um, but I like, I, for something like that, when people immediately jump to politics, I don't think that there is this vast conspiracy. If there was a vast conspiracy to keep conservatives off TV, why does MSNBC interview or why does CNN interview Tommy Lahren? Like it seems Steve just makes a lot of sense here right it seems like it would be

all about the sponsors i mean hell that everyone knows i'm no fan of trump but if he advertised on this show and wanted me to go full sean spicer i would i'd be like oh yeah fucking idiot they didn't call me firing had nothing to do with that yeah this message brought to you by trump i'd say it yeah yeah it's it's there's um i mean the same way that like uh i'm sure that there exists a tape from the apprentice of donald trump saying horrific things even compared to the stuff we already know he said and why does mark burnett not release that even though he's not a fan of trump because he has a business to look after and he wants people to trust that they can say anything on tape without it being released. Yeah, except for the time when he released the tape, right?

No, Burnett didn't release that. Yeah, he didn't release that. NBC released that, right? I got leaked, the way I remember. It was from that Billy Bush show you're talking about. Yeah, yeah, that wasn't. That was NBC. No, that wasn't even NBC.

I forget who else. Yeah, that's a completely different thing. That was like a staff member going rogue. And no one knows exactly who did it. But the point is that there's too much money at stake. And it really is like Chiz just texted. It really is true. The show's been the same since it started.

So why suddenly now? I think it's because if they're not making money off it or they fear that they're not going to make money off of it, that's why they'll do it. There's plenty of conservative voices on TV. Kelsey Grammer has had a bunch of shows and he is the most conservative.

Kelsey Grammer's had all of his shows. I don't know anything about show makers. What are his shows? Kelsey Grammer has Frasier Forever and he was on Cheers for a very long time and then they tried, I think they tried three or four other sitcoms with him that didn't work out but they kept giving him shows

remember, what's his name? Kramer from Seinfeld Michael Richardson he had all the Seinfeld cast had those failed shows. I guess Mary Louise Dreyfuss. Hersha Veep is obviously really successful. She had that thing.

The New Life of Old Christine. Yeah, that did well. But fucking George, Jason Alexander and Michael Richards really had a shitty time of it. They each tried two or three times, I think. I can't see George as anyone but Costanza or Michael Richards as anyone but Kramer, but I can

see Julia Louise Dreyfuss as other characters for some reason. Yeah, Kramer was like a private eye smoking a pipe in his first attempt at a sitcom. It was super lame. Yeah. So speaking of that, I'm here at the Laugh Factory right now. Oh yeah.

Tell us about that. Speaking of super lame, tell us about that that's where that went down speaking of super lame tell us about your that's where that went down i actually uh i tried to get the i tried to get footage of that incident like because you only see half of it from the tmz stuff and so i went back to the archives try to find i think someone deleted it um. Probably someone who worked in production a while ago thought they were helping and that's a very dumb thing to do. But anyway, I'm now the Executive Vice President

of Television and Film for The Laugh Factory. That's awesome, man. We're going to market with a whole bunch of TV shows and movies. My vision is to position us where National Lampoon was 30 years ago and still would be if all the CEOs didn't keep getting arrested.

The CEOs of National Lampoon were like the Illinois governors. It was just, it's a stepping stone to prison. I love National Lampoon's vacation movies, those fucking Chevy Chase and Beverly D'Angelo. Oh my god, yeah,

roll them up. So many quotable lines and of course you beverly d'angelo oh my god yeah roll them up like so many quotable lines and of course you got beverly d'angelo's just giant perfect titties like right there in the like first quarter of the movie he's driving that mint green fucking piece of shit like that whole movie is great i like i like all the vacation movies but that one and christmas i watch christmas vacation every year and a lot of people don't realize that animal house was also lampoon yeah um yeah there's i mean they they did some really wonderful work and then they lost their Christmas vacation every year. And a lot of people don't realize that Animal House is also Lampoon. Yeah. Yeah, there's, I mean, they did some really wonderful work, and then they lost their damn minds. And I say this as someone who, I wrote a book for them.

I used to host a radio show for them. And, like, my theory was that what they should do is they should go, like, they should re-release Animal House. And when they do, put it back in theaters as an anniversary, and then when they do, have a little preview beforehand that says, we've brought you some of the greatest movies of all time and show a bunch of clips, and then go, also, the last 20 years, and we're very sorry.

Yeah, they need to pull a Papa John's. Remember? No, a Domino's. Is that who did it? We've been making some shitty pizza for a long time, and we know it. Give us a second chance. We got some better tomatoes. That's real garlic in

there, and 85% of the cheese in your pizza is now actually cheese. Now, if you microwave this tomato for two minutes... Yeah. And you cut a hole through the middle, you know, or just don't cut a hole if you're a gumptious fella you know yeah if you're really hard yeah yeah so so this whole time during this during

this show i've been sitting here and the office right next to me is like my staff and they've just been listening to one side of this because i have my headphones on and they're just wondering what the hell is going on they're like like, you know what? We don't know who Steve is talking to, but we're glad that he's given a voice to all the big labia gals out there, you know? Standing up for the little fella.

Nobody ever defends big labia ladies. For those who are too big to stand up for themselves. But what about the times on the beach where I just saw one set of footprints? Ah, but if you look there, there's a streak of your dragging labia from when I was carrying you. You know?

Woody's mom will not like this part of the show. Oh, no, she's not going to like me anymore. She's very anti-small labia. Yes. She's a laboritarian. A small labia it's yes it's she's a she's a laboritarian i feel like i was re-energized by the break anyway so uh yeah so we're doing all kinds of stuff here like the laugh factory has a really big youtube channel and we went from releasing uh like one clip every couple of weeks to we were doing one clip a day for a while and uh we're now starting to record every show we're gonna do new web series and uh it's it's a

lot of fun to be able to kind of be in charge of this brand because it's like it's such a good brand but it also gives me an amazing window into because like my youtube comments are like most of people on my youtube channel are my fans because that's who watches the youtube channel but with laugh factory they're fans of the brand like they're fans of the club but the individual comics they don't necessarily know so they can be brutal on someone they've never heard of they can be like really really brutal and like no matter what clip we put up like there'll be like a bunch of comments like women aren't't funny, and be like, this is a dude. Like this.

I was just saying this for the other videos. I just don't know if you heard me the last time, so I'm going to say this again. I think that's an even greater insult, though, right? If they watch the comedian do his thing, and they're like, ah, no, women aren't funny.

That's an even harder hitting insult. That's all that is. Not only are you not funny, you thought you were a woman. You're a man? Yeah, I think that you're giving them too much clever. You're assigning too much clever to their personality. I think the person who's going to mash their keyboard

about what gender is funnier is not going to be clever enough to also insult someone in two levels. Exactly. Why waste the effort? Everyone knows the answer. Yeah. Oh, jeez. What's the answer, Taylor?

What, that men are funnier than women? Do you and Andy Rooney agree? Andy Rooney? Yeah, yeah. Isn't he one of the guys who's always going around saying that men are funnier than women? And just not being completely unapologetic about it? You're thinking of... Are you thinking of Andy Kaufman from, like, the 80s?

That guy's fucking dead. Yeah. Like, who would wrestle people on stage? He wouldn't just wrestle people. He wrestled fucking, like, Jerry King Lawler or whatever his name is. Like, the king. Yeah, Andy Rooney is dead, too. Thank you, Chiz.

I met Andy Rooney in college, Andy Rooney is dead too. Thank you, Chiz. I met Andy Rooney in college. Andy Rooney's dead. I was covering... When did he die? Six years ago. At some point. I was covering an event for my school paper that Andy Rooney was speaking at.

I got to interview him. I'm like, hi, I'd like to interview you for the paper. He just looks at me and goes, what does your father do? I was like, what? What now? How did this become an interview of me? I'm very confused.

He's a weird dude. Well, now he's a dead dude. Rest in peace. Rest in peace, Andy Rooney. For six years, apparently. Have you ever watched those Andy Kaufaufman i think that's his name videos on youtube from when he would call people out of the the crowd and just that's his name how dare you that would have his his comedy was was ridiculous it's hilarious it's a different thing

like he would go out there and read a book or he would go out there and just just like stare at really easy he like i think he kind of fords the way for trolling right i could have been him in fourth grade it's what he does with it there are people who a to get laughs with it but also like to have the composure to not be bothered by most of the crowd hating you like that is that takes a very specific personality and also the the most amazing andy kaufman the most amazing thing andy kaufman ever did was push the boundaries of comedy the worst thing he ever did was make a bunch of comedians think that they're andy kaufman and like there are a bunch of comics who will go up and just try to do something like annoying because they're like but what about andy kaufman it's like yeah he was brilliant and

you're not him and he already did the thing so god that guy was hard to look at too do you ever see man on the moon with Jim Carrey great movie really good movie like Jim Carrey's a good actor um that that that was a good movie um Andy Kaufman's a bizarre was a bizarre guy um I I after I watched man on the moon whenever it came out it's been like a decade ago but after i watched that i was like well i have to educate myself now let's learn who andy kaufman is and i start finding these like clips of like i'm like holy shit is he actually like i couldn't tell if the wrestling guy really hated andy kaufman or or if you know he's a wrestler a wrestler technically so maybe he's playing it up and it's all entertainment like

him and andy are like wink wink like like i i don't know what the truth is probably that though right i think uh like the the best part of man on the moon to me was when because like when andy kaufman is basically dying and he goes for this like magical treatment or whatever and he sees and he sees that the the shaman or whoever it was is just it's a mat it's a magic trick and he's just lying to people and he starts laughing because he's like oh he's doing the same thing i'm doing like this is an act and i thought that that was i don't know if that's a real thing that happened but i thought that was a brilliant part of the script yeah yeah i like that part too that that part stuck with me i remember he's like rubbing and he's doing that bullshit thing where like the guy reaches inside your body and pulls

out cancer yeah he's got like a bit of chicken fat like concealed you know in his palm and he's like there's there's blood there's a little fake blood or something he's like oh chicken fat and andy's like yeah i see my god you got me this is what I would do this hairy moles that's fucking disgusting you go taxi right with Danny DeVito yeah

that's how I know him best that's how he got that's how he became like a household name what was his character's name Latka I know you hate Jews but Latkas are a thing. I haven't even seen that movie. What is it?

This is the TV show Taxi. That's where Danny DeVito got popular too. If I remember, Danny DeVito is the dispatcher. He's the boss of everybody. Christopher Lloyd. I's the boss of everybody. Yeah, Christopher Lloyd. I love the cast. I call him the doc. Yeah, Christopher Lloyd is great.

I wish... Christopher Lloyd's so fucking old now. He's still alive. Isn't he dead? He's still alive, right, Chiz? Christopher Lloyd's still with us. Don't tell me that the doc is dead. Doc Brown is still alive. There's no way I got to talk...

No, he died nine months ago. Chiz is barely. Michael J. Fox is still around. Chiz. way I got to talk. No, he died nine months ago. Just as barely. Michael J. Fox is still around. Damn it, Chiz. Wait, can he bring us back in time to when he was younger? You know he wishes, right? Wait, are you saying that... Oh, never mind.

You know the Italian guy who was kind of the star of Taxi? Tony Danza? Yeah. No. He was older than that. He had a mole. Jeff Hirsch? The hero?

Probably Judd Hirsch. Oh, you're thinking of Taxi Driver? Are you thinking of Taxi Driver? It's Danny DeVito, Andy Kaufman, Tony Danza, Judd Hirsch. Probably Judd Hirsch. Anyway, for some reason I thought he was talking around for a minute.

Wait! He looked really Italian. Judd! Anyway, for some reason I thought he was Josh Brown for a minute. Wait. Tony Danza. He looked really Italian. Judge Hersh. I don't really do names. Anyway. Oh, a lovely Sicilian name. No, this isn't him.

Judge Hersh. This guy, Judge Hersh, is the same dude from Independence Day who's like, you'd be nothing without my David. You over here with the Apple computers trying your best to figure things out. David comes over and finds a way to hack into the system. And now you won't give him a chance. And that's right before Harvey Fierstein sees all that shit.

He's like, oh, I've got to call my mother. Oh, my God. And he's like running. Guys, can we just stop talking and just have the rest of the podcast be Taylor acting out independence day? Nowhere without Mike David. This can be. Yeah.

But it would be a lot like your tech podcast. Very good for about four minutes. And then incredibly frustrating. Yeah. Even at the time, like when i first saw independence when i saw it i was like like maybe 13 14 15 i don't know when i saw that movie for the first time and even then like i saw him being that jewish and being like this is odd like i've never met anyone who speaks like this oh this, but I have. This kind of inflection. Everything's so dramatic.

Like, I'm sure you have. Yeah. I'm a Jewish kid from New York. I've absolutely met that person. But also, can I get a little embarrassing for a moment? I went to go see it. I was, yeah, probably 14 or so. I went to see it in the theaters.

And I said the phrase to my brother. And I remember the exact quote because he didn't let me forget it for years. I said, I was really surprised by Will Smith. He is the finest actor of our generation. You did not shoot that green shit at me. That's got Brando all over in it. You know what? I was just saying, hey, because I thought he'd be like the Fresh Prince and said he was a completely

different character. But yeah, I called him the fine. And look, he's a good actor. He's great in Ali. But the finest actor of our generation might be a little bit of a... He was good in Hancock. I saw that recently. That movie is awesome. I'd love to see Hancock too. Yeah, why didn't that movie do better? I thought that movie

was great. Ah, because of the shit. That was the aloof superhero, right? That movie was bad. They butchered the storyline. It wasn't supposed to be that whole love thing with Charlize Theron or whoever they had playing it. The executives changed

that whole story at the last minute and they got all butchered up. I love the idea of a superhero that doesn't want to be a superhero because like let's be honest if you woke up tomorrow with superpowers like when i was in i was playing in tulsa last week and i got bit by a brown recluse and so and like here's the like i had to look it up like 35 of people who get bit have like really fucking bad symptoms and luckily it turns out i'm not allergic and so then i kept joking around oh i'll just become spider-man and then i was thinking about it and

i was like if i did develop superpowers would i be a superhero or what i just i would just go play baseball and not tell anyone i had superpowers yeah absolutely yeah or it depends how powerful you are like like take a superhero and and say you get If I become Spider-Man, I can't exactly conquer the world with my web-slinging skills, but I could become one hell of a thief or I could become a professional athlete. Probably just be the athlete. You get more money and pussy that way.

It'd be great. Just become a pro athlete like you said. But if you're like, I don't know, Green Lantern level powers, well, I'm going to rule the world now and crush anyone who stands in my way because I'm clearly like a superior being. Literally.

Why can't you do both? Why can't you be a superhero? I don't think there's any rules in the NBA that say you can't be a superhero. Because Spider-Man is incapable. Well, wait. I've seen it. Spider-Man would be the best player in the NBA. I'm not getting a night of money then.

By the way, is you're selling. When you're Spider-Man and getting all the money and pussy as you put it, is there a moment where she's going to be like, what's that white stuff? And you're like, that's just webs. I'm sorry. That's just from my hands. That's just webs. If you have a problem with it, I can relocate you to

dangling seven stories above the pavement. Is it a problem? Oh, it's not. I'd be working that web. Fuck fighting crime. It'd be bondage. Who cares? There you go, Woody. Thank you very much.

Yeah, exactly. Fucking tied up, bitch. That chick would be bound. She's like, no, don't do this. Ankles and wrists to the bed in no time. Wait, so hold on a second. If you became Spider-Man, you'd become a rapist? No, she'd love it. If you become one, it would just make him a more successful one.

I don't have to rape them. I mean, like a Kobe-level rapist, right? Like top-tier rape. I was just saying I'd be a little selfish like I'd be a baseball player. I didn't realize

it would be that. Because they would want your seed. We're going to go full Cosby with this? Because they would want your seed. See, the best way to not have to do any sort of web rape is, I think, just to do the athletics. Because that is like

and also it comes with the most glory. If you could pause time or something, I'd just go be the best goalie in the history of the NHL because I could just pause time on my own and then everyone would be like, how the fuck is he saving literally everything since he entered the league?

And he'd be like, you can't prove shit because I'm a magic, basically. And if I had another ability that was like, I can also shoot lasers from my eyes, I would never use it. I would never use it. It could do nothing but jeopardize

my original power. So you just lay below the line. Like if I saw someone on the train tracks about to die, I'd have to really deliberate. Like is it worth risking it? No, sorry, lady. I'm really enjoying playing for the fucking flyers or whatever. I've had that same pause time thing. But it's like if you could rewind time even just a little bit, you could go a whole season of shutouts, 82 shutouts in a row.

I've thought about that too where I'm like – in my fantasy i'm such a fucking maniac i'm like yeah but like every third game i'd let one in i think just so that like you know they knew that i was kind of real oh yeah you'd have to you'd have to like not you know like you couldn't like with spidey sense you know i could i could bat a thousand but you don't bat a thousand. You hit 348. Break 400. It hasn't been done in a while. Hey, Kyle, kiss my ass. Yeah.

That would be great. And that's exactly what I think we'd all do with it. Fuck fighting crime. First of all, it's not like in comic books that they make for children. You can't just go out and fight crime. How often have we even stumbled upon a crime that we would stop if we had powers? Never, right? Maybe once, twice in our entire lives? It's very difficult for you to stumble on your own crime scene.

That's true. Then how are you going to be a superhero stopping crime? That's what Batman's always out doing, right? No, but they have the police scanner. In all of those things, he's got a police scanner, so he goes to the... It's a thing in progress. And he also just watches the city.

He watches the city from the top of buildings, and he can see all that shit. I feel like you just become playing video games on Easy Mode. Woody's Gamertag logo on clouds when they want me. Yeah. Like Batman. You would very quickly get tired of fighting crime if it was just criminals of like muggings and like you know assaults on the street

because like you go down there like one punch man uh that show that i watched one episode of was pretty interesting like where you just win the fight there's nothing that you going into the fight you know there's no chance they're gonna fight you like they're gonna win i mean they could have a gun a knife whatever you're like i'm a superhuman so you're gonna get bored instantly the only thing that's not gonna be boring is that breaking every record in multiple major sports and getting so much pussy your head spins that's the only thing that's not gonna get old and so you just to live that life yeah i'm gonna make a big web it's a powerful argument yeah i don't need my sex swing anymore i'll just fucking web one up and put her in it on the go you are so fixated on the web ability open that door behind you it's my only ability

i'm spider-man it's all i could do if i could somehow fight people and envenomate them and kill them or something i would would, but I can't. All I can do is sling the webs and jump. But you're so strong. Can you still see the swing if you open that door, Kyle? Can you show it to us? Is it set up right there? Steve, check this out. This is real.

It's not set up as a sex swing. It's set up with all the athletic yoga stuff for stretching and stuff, but yeah, it's right here. He literally bought a sex swing and I didn't know that it was dual purpose. This is real.

I love when he does this. I was hoping he'd go upside down. Get upside down, Kyle. This is a real... What show is this? This is a real... What show is this? This is a weird podcast.

That's a pretty neat sex swing. But like, Kyle, my whole point is that if you are Spider-Man, Spider-Man doesn't just have web. I don't know all of his powers, but I'm pretty sure he's really strong and really fast as well, like faster than every human. And so you would not go in the NFL and if the quarterback overpassed it, go and go grab it and bring it back to your hands because then the jig is up.

You would just be the best wide receiver in the history of humankind or the best. Pick your position. In my fantasy on this, when I score, I jump on top of the field goal things, you know, the horizontal part. What is that called? That's called a field goal thing. A field goal thing. But I just feel like there's a goal line stand, right? And everyone's there ready to, like, go up against each other.

And I have to somehow find a hole. But instead, I jump so far that I stand and balance on the uprights, whatever they're called. But no, but I agree with Taylor that the jig would then be up. So, okay, what about a power like flight where all you can do is fly? You don't have super strength, you don't have super speed,

but all you can do is fly. You can fly at like 15 miles an hour. World's best magician. That's all you gotta do. If you can fly, then you become a magician. And that's your trick. That's your trick. You work it into dozens of different levitation bits and all kinds of

things. Like, you could use your power that way. Oh, you could market yourself as, like, Fly Guy. Yeah. That's your... Well, you know, what you intentionally do is you would start out, like, building your cult following by showing that you could levitate, like, four inches above the ground and get the devout people and then over the years as you

know the DVDs yes you sell DVDs and what this is happening in the in the early thousands now yeah not even no not blu-ray VHS whatever medium you want fucking fly and then you slowly increase it like like over time and people are like you've learned to get better can't it would be one of those like science discussions where they'd be like for so long people have denied that you know taylor the aviator is able to to lift off the ground but now evidence is becoming too much to resist you know over to you fucking whoever like it would be a news thing and then eventually work up to like levitating in basketball stadiums and football games the nightly news with john whoever yeah the nightly news with with steven reporters like that um i i

think that like for that like you could still be like you could be a great defensive outfielder but then what you know what i think basketball probably the best because you'd have hops that would be good. Or you could just do a constant angels in the outfield thing where just even on like not, you know, it's just a total no risk game. You just load up.

What's the power that like there's a superpower like there's an actual like superhero that we know of that has that would be the most useless for selfish gain uh any of those people who have a superpower in uh where they like look grotesque but they're like super strong like the crocodile fantastic four yes the thing yeah anything where like you couldn't put on a suit and walk into Subway without everybody being like,

the fuck? We gotta get out of here. This is an emergency situation. Even though in all of those comic books, they put a suit on them and everybody's like, oh, that's normal. That's a regular guy. Like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles who would wear trench coats and hats. Oh my god. You've got a shell on your back

the size of a 55-gallon barrel. That suit ain't cutting it, bro. You have no nostrils, sir. You have three toes! And no shoes on. No fingers. Whenever you're talking about the guy on subreddit who lives in the sewer,

I was thinking about the Ninja Turtles the whole time. So this whole time I've been picturing him like Donatello clickety-clacking away on his keyboard with his hate. Yeah, it was Donatello. He was the shitty one, right? Well, Steve might regret taking on Donatello clickety-clacking away on his keyboard with his hate. Yeah, it was Donatello. He was the shitty one, right? Well, Steve might regret taking on Donatello. That's true. I mean, this guy, like, legitimate rage might come at me with

like a bow, or a scythe, or the nunchucks, which, by the way, that's how I learned what weapons were. Perhaps a quarter staff? From the turtles. Yeah, from the turtles. Absolutely. Yeah, the katana blade. Yeah, and those were the four weapons were yeah perhaps a quarter staff from the turtles yeah from the turtles absolutely yeah the katana blade yeah that's what and those were the four those are the four blades um yeah that that's one of those things that like every now and then there's like a pop culture phenomenon

and i love the teenage mutant ninja turtles when i was growing up and there's something that like you look back at it and you're like how the fuck did this become a thing like how did this become a thing yeah yeah i remember I had all those toys. I remember four or five-year-old me. I had the turtle van. It shot the pizzas. I had the fucking turtles. I had the He-Man shit too.

I was crossing two fucking... I was in the middle of a thing there where He-Man was dying off. I don't think there's any... I don't think anyone younger than me knows anything about fucking He-Man and Skeletor and any of that shit. I had the castle. I had the He-Man castle. I had all the action figures and my fucking shitty cousin. I had the best toys when I was growing up.

I always did. Sure, you had a sex swing. Yeah, my first sex swing was nicer than that. You should have seen that. The junior swinger. But it seen that. The junior swinger. But it was outside. That's the Cadillac of child sex swings. I'm going to tell you right now.

Yeah. No small parts. Avoid choking hazards. Yeah. Kyle's not into small parts. No. Kyle's very into small parts. No. Who was I talking about? Kyle's very into small parts.

He hates big parts. Yeah. But yeah, He-Man was awesome. Yeah, my cousin took all my toys. I had the full He-Man set, and I had a Play-Doh factory, right? I had like 80 different kinds of Play-Doh that came in a big toolbox of Play-Doh, and they were all organized, and you would put them into things and squish out the the play-doh stars and make stuff with them and all that stuff had to go in storage when we were moving houses when i was like five years old and my cousins got to it and the next thing i knew all the play-doh was dried out he man had

marker all over him skeletor was lost to the wind. All my expensive toys were taken. I had a kid try to steal my Pokemon Blue game when I was I got it like almost right when I came out. I guess I was just three weeks ago. No, I was maybe like seven or so and I had it and we

were playing all day, me and my friend, as you do, and as he was leaving he was like acting suspicious in a way that another child would not notice but an adult definitely would and i was like walking with my friend to the door because his mom was there to pick him up and he was like holding his shirt like the way a kid would hide a boner but we were too young for boners and he walked up there and my dad you're never too young for boners never too young but he too young to get one should clarify that's not a thing and my dad was like rich Richard lift your shirt up the shirt up before you go he's like why

what it looks like Richard lift your shirt up and the kid lifted his shirt owners and like a little sneaky bastard, my blue Pokemon color cartridge fell onto the hardwood floor. And I was like, it was the first time that it had crossed my mind. It was like something of mine could have been not mine anymore. Like I could have gone back downstairs and been like, there's no Pokemon to be found. Like I would have looked around and I would have been blamed for it. And I was, oh man,

like that was one of those moments as a kid where I'm like, oh man, like dad, you've got this figured out. I really saw through that. Like I would have never guessed. I would have never guessed that an eight year old going like this, eyes darting around, you know,

was hiding. My father is Sherlock Holmes. As your dad walks away, they start playing there goes my hero. Did you permanently unfriend him uh it was such a young age before facebook but yeah yeah it was definitely way before facebook uh so it was kind of just a thing of like oh well that sucks and then like after a while it's like well i do need someone to trade my fucking haunter to so it evolves so you want to come over that was about how it went um i i i always wonder about like the people who who like green light stupid ideas that end up working like do you know what i mean like you have in mind like

like no like the turtles you know like the like the guy who made the decision of like yeah this is gonna be a thing you know or yeah Or yeah, Chiz just said Pet Rock. Yeah, or Chia Pets. Yeah, like the idea of the thing that works. Because there are also people on the other side of it. Like, you ever stay in a hotel that has an alarm clock with the iPhone 4 plug-in? Yeah, yeah. Someone at that company, someone convinced that hotel chain

to spend millions of dollars on those. And they were good for like six months. and now they're all completely obsolete and make the hotel like you can have a tv in a hotel that's 10 years old and it's fine but like if you have a like a four and most hotels you stay in now have those and it's i want to know if that guy still has his job oh he doesn't need a job he he sold bows to everybody oh no no no i don't mean the guy who sold him that guy is a genius i mean i was saying that it was a dirty trick that he convinced them to buy his own wares oh yeah but i i mean like the there's like there's a guy in corporate who he convinced. That's what I mean. The guy who made the decision. He brought a PowerPoint in and he bamboozled him.

I wonder about this kind of USB connector. Has this thing not kind of run its course? The USB 1 style connector. Those work with everything now. They do right now. Yeah, but you see, Steve has the new one. I got this one now. Because I'm a baller.

It kind of sucks. They're a little slower. There's a 50-50 shot of getting it right, and it always takes three tries, which is weird. And it just sort of sucks. Yeah, it should really take two, by the way. It should take two. Well, but it takes me three. Because the first one, you're always impatient i guess i maybe i didn't test it nope am i oh it's hdmi what the fuck god damn yeah right

cable i've been trying to plug this ethernet cable into my television for half an hour yeah but you're you're right. And those are eventually going to run their course because they make things universal and they change them. Every car is going to look dated that has one of those as a charging station or something. Yeah, every airplane is going to look dated

that has one of those as a charging station. It'll be a long time, though. I think they're going to stick around for a while. USB 3 is pretty fast. Let me do an advertisement here. Tell everyone about ZipRecruiter. Are you hiring? Do you know where to post your job to find the best candidates online?

Posting your job in one place just isn't enough to find quality candidates anymore. If you want to find the perfect hire, you need to post your job on all of the top job sites, and now you can. With ZipRecruiter.com, you can post your job to 100-plus job sites, including social media networks like Facebook and Twitter, all with one click. Find candidates in any city or industry nationwide. Just post once and watch your qualified candidates roll into ZipRecruiter's easy-to-use interface. No juggling emails or calls to your office.

Quickly screen candidates, rate them, and hire the right person fast. Find out today why ZipRecruiter has been used by over 1 million businesses, and right the right person fast. Find out today why ZipRecruiter has been used by over 1 million businesses and right now our listeners here can get jobs on ZipRecruiter, excuse me, can post jobs on ZipRecruiter for free by going to ZipRecruiter.com

slash painkiller. That's ZipRecruiter slash painkiller. So yeah, right now, go on there and you can post your jobs for free. ZipRecruiter.com slash painkiller. What is all this chirping over here? Whenever I start, whenever I hear chirping and I'm reading an ad, I feel like Chiz is going like,

no, you're reading it wrong. That's the wrong one. Don't say that. Don't say that. And I'm like peeking out of my corner of my eye to see if I've really screwed something up. No, you did a wonderful job. So ZipRecruiter, you guys should all check that out. If you're looking for a service that helps you hire qualified people easier,

then you can't get a better service. I think I'll probably have to use it when my staff all quits because of what they heard me say today. Your staff probably heard about those bad dragon dildos, and they're going to be sold after they get those. Speaking of staffs. Oh, yes. I'm so slow. It took me forever. Speaking of staffs. Oh, yes. Ah, I'm so slow.

It took me forever. Speaking of staff, go on. Tell me about the staffs. And if you do have a crisis and exodus on your hands, you know exactly where to go to get people. With our coupon code as well. Yeah.

Alright. I've got uh ama questions here oh nice you should look at those do you have to be heading off soon steve i got like five minutes or so and then i gotta gotta take off okay cool let's do a couple of these questions do you have any in mind already kyle or just looking at them now um some of them are just terrible um let's do those i don't like how every single time we get our patreon questions the first thing that one of us says is ah this is so this okay i said one of us to try and share the load mr frodo but it's always fucking kyle share the load does uh does legitimate rage have any questions for me? They don't have names next to them.

Do you have to buy a special hat? To do what? I don't know. That's all he said. Kyle. Yes. Did you end up buying that hotspot thing so that you could stream? Yeah, it's not fast enough.

In theory, it was going to be. It didn't work out. What was the symptom? Not fast enough. The speeds are really bad. On the upload? Really both. The download was pretty poor too some of the times it really it depends on what side of the house i was on um sometimes it would be like three down three up uh sometimes it would be 10 down 1.7 up um just wildly different uh unreliable service oh is my um internet my camera i mean to say fixed yes thanks thanks cheers for letting me know

oh well i don't know they i was on the subreddit and they were complaining about uh lack of live streams and pka plays and stuff like that and i don't know i just take it personally where like everything is my fault in particular. Nice forehead. I just got to say this. I just wanted to give them something more to complain about. And I'm like, damn, they're like, why does Woody have to do, have to be in everything? And it's like, it's

not that. I don't know. I was the one most likely to record and upload and stuff. Anyway, I was wondering, I thought, I still think if you live streamed, there's a better than average shot

that you could be a popular live streamer. Sure, yeah. I wish I had the capability. I've got one of the questions if you guys... That was one of the questions, kind of. Oh. So if you could, if you could, would you go back or I guess I'll just read it the questions, kind of. Oh. So if you could, if you could, would you go back,

or I guess I'll just read it the way I said it. Would you rather go back to your birth year as the age you are now, or go back as a newborn and relive your life? So, basically... Would you have your knowledge? Yes, your knowledge now, back to whatever year you were born, but you're this age.

And so by 2017, you'd be double your age now. Yeah whatever year you were born but you're this age and so by 2017 you'd be double your age now yeah i do that or you can choose to be born right now i can't imagine a scenario in which not resetting my age is better like why would i want to be 44 year old starting again like that's just terrible and then and and the thing is like all the things i know like my biggest superpower would be picking winning stocks. I followed stocks since I was a teenager. And sports teams. Yes.

Come on. You knew what you – all you need to know is what a few teams did. And even if there's a year where it's fuzzy, but you know that like the Phillies made it to the series, that tells you what happened in the entire NL East. You can derive lots from little tidbits. the Phillies made it to the series. That tells you what happened in the entire NL East. You can derive lots from little tidbits. You're right.

I know a lot of Super Bowl winners too. Especially if you tell me the two teams, I'll remember which one came out. You know what I would love to do? I would love to go back to college me and just be like, hey, don't be intimidated by college girls because college girls are terrified of life

like ah so you go back and get yourself laid more in college well at the time well not just laid more but less rejected less often i think that's the first step you know let's let's not go to the advanced class quite yet let's try and lessen rejection before we actually boost success you know yeah i don't know why i would want to be 44 in 1973 because by the time i know about good shit i'll be like 60 yeah also also what i would really do is just take everything i know about comedy and just start doing that when i was 12 and just have my own tv if you go back you could be like the world's most prolific joke stealer and you're the joker from the future yeah and steve hovind releases you people are all the same just a month after releasing hilarious you know he's the most diverse comedian we've

seen in years we don't know he released one called the leather special that was horrible but we forgive him you know i just love the idea of like he's got some really great insights about growing up a black man in america all of chris rock's material in his voice too you know i don, at first I didn't like all the N-bombs, but goddamn, if he doesn't know our plight. This dude has fucking empathy. I tell you what. So you would choose Woody to be born in 2017, like a newborn this year.

Wait, I don't think, that's not how I read the question. Did I misunderstand the question? I thought I could go back at 1973 with all my current knowledge and relive life. Well, my way is more interesting, Chiz. We're doing it my way. I got a show tonight. I got a peace out.

Hey, kill it, man. Everyone's better for you. You guys were awesome, and thank you so much. And I just, if I could just say one more thing. One more thing, Steve. Where do they find you? What would you like our subscribers to know about? Check out my YouTube channel.

There's a whole bunch of new content up there all the time. Tons of stand-up in addition to the Heckler stuff. If you know me from the Heckler stuff, cool. But I also have hours and hours of free stand-up comedy on my youtube page as well and some people are like how come all he sees your heckler clip i'm like i don't know did you ever try googling steve hofstetter stand-up comedy did you ever try to i never thought of that before like well that's why i didn't find it um so anyway yeah check that out you can also check me out on twitter or instagram or uh i hate snap. That's fucking stupid.

But I'm on it because I'm a slave. I'm on it. I just hate it. But yeah, on all that stuff. And come see me live. I'm still doing a 65-city, 18-country tour. I'm almost done with the States, but then I hit Canada and most of Europe. So come see me live.

Glad to see it's going so well for you. Good with your show thank you guys coming on bye see ya he is one of the good ones i'm having a good time tonight oh this, this is a good old fashion family anti-Semitism. Or was it anti-Irish? Yeah, it's hard to tell. No, but he's not actually Irish. He's red hair. He's the red hair. Honorary. I mean, all those Lost Kingdom people

seem to very much be attracted to the redhead Irish lassies, you know, that they're trying to go up there and rape. They don't make bones about the fact that they are very, very raping. I like that. Chiz, can you confirm that you're fixing whatever layout just changed?

Working on it. Alright, thank you. You know what? I'm not producing this show, but I still feel responsible. I like that there's no... They don't sugarcoat that there would be a lot of rape. And it's not that I'm pro-rape and that I'm like, yeah, yeah, I like a show with a lot of rape in it. The more the better. That's not it.

But I do like realism. And if there's hot chicks being taken captive by barbarians and there's not some rape, I'm just as like, hey, well, why would there be rape as if they don't slaughter all the men? Like slaughter all the men and enslave the children and fuck the women. That's what they would do. So if they don't, all the men like slaughter all the men and enslave the children and fuck the women that's what they would do so if they don't i'm just like it would be ridiculous if they didn't because it's a history or not a history channel show but it's about the vikings like it would be like a nazi show where they showed like you know a bunch of ss officers finding some gays or something and be like ah and now you will go and uh be alone for the rest of the war and that that is it you will alone, and that will be the most intense punishment. You won't even be able to speak

to fellow homosexuals. How's that sound? Is this The Last Kingdom? Not good, eh? Not good. It'd be totally undermining and downplaying the actual shit that happened. So you need to show the slaughter, yes.

The Last Kingdom does have an adequate amount of rape in it, I feel. And slaughter. And slaughter, yes. What I found interesting about the last kingdom was how much value people had right in many of the wars they very much don't want to have they want to lose men whereas it seems like in other wars when romans are going into it they're always prepared to lose like half of their people but here they're like yeah we can rebuild villages

many times but a warrior can only die once it It's like, aha, that makes a lot of sense. And people have value, even women and children, right? They're like, oh, yeah, that kid, I want that kid. He'll become part of my family. We'll do a thing. That woman, you know what? Turns out I love fucking women. So I want this many pieces of silver and a woman.

Then we'll just bring some of them in here. And none of the other shows do I find that people have much value but in this one they do it's like they have more value because there are so few of them it's like a thing where if they go into battle with 30 men and they're fighting 30 men in a different war tribe or whatever and they lose

12 guys it's like oh well fuck if this happens again in a year we're shit out of luck because we can't afford another one of these things we can't we're going to be like russia after world war ii where there's just no men left and you know not you can't keep your civilization hardly going and not even a civilization your little hunting tribe yeah so romans had armies with hundreds of thousands of men and i mean rome had a population of one million, so they could expend thousands of dead soldiers,

but by the Dark Ages... They also had roads, which meant that they could move their soldiers way easier, whereas these people, these Vikings, are like, oh, we need to get reinforcements. Well, I hope it doesn't take them two months to trek across the frozen wasteland to get here, because if it does,

we're all going to be dead by the time that happens. And it's like, well, should we even make the trip to save them no they'll be dead long before like whatever the fuck they sound like like i don't know yeah i haven't watched much of vikings um yeah watch vikings i just started that yeah i haven't watched much of it but i'm aware of like kind of the gist of it uh i've caught bits of episodes and it looks like it's well produced it looks like a good show. I like the guy who's crippled. Have you gotten to him yet? The guy who's paralyzed from the waist down?

In Vikings? No, I don't think so. Later on, this isn't a spoiler because I don't even know who the fuck he is, but there is a character who is paralyzed from the waist down. But that is not an excuse not to still be a badass warrior. So when they're in like the

hall or whatever he's like crawling around on the floor and he's got like a sharp stick in each hand that he like just jabs into the ground and crawls with and he's totally ready to like fight from the ground if he needs to with like knives and stuff and they hook him up with a chariot that'll like hold him upright and he's got like horses and and and now he's a fucking like he's a weapon you know he's fucking on the chariot and everything i thought that was pretty cool though that did i'll i haven't got to that yet i'm sure i'll like it but it's interesting seeing the religious stuff they talk about they especially more in the history channel show they're focusing more on uh like the christians over in obviously the england area verse the pagans who worship odin

thor and freya and all those gods over in the north scandinavia area like it's interesting the way that like the civilization that has to fight and kill one another to survive like all of their glory and all of their like good things that their gods like is like yeah it's really it's not just not a bad thing to go over there and slaughter their their people and their children and all of their like good things that their gods like is like yeah it's really it's not just not a bad thing to go over there and slaughter their their people and their children and their men and then take their women and and goats it's actually a good thing like the gods are like super stoked on us when we do that because it's like it's clearly a thing where like when you live in a frozen tundra wasteland and nothing grows and all of your surviving comes from pillaging other areas that are able to grow food you kind

of have to rationalize to yourself like huh man if the gods think that killing other people is wrong then we are in some shit because that's all we've been doing and so we got to make sure that our religion kind of you know glorifies the behaviors that we utilize to survive i don't know i thought that was i think that's. Yeah. Their religion's really interesting to me. The whole, the whole like conflict of those two religions where the, the Christianity is so pious and like they find something wrong with everything's a sin. Everything is a bad thing. There's all these rules and regulations about how do you live your life.

And then the only complete other end of the spectrum, you've got the Vikings over there who like their version of heaven Valhalla is like, it's, it's all about fucking and drinking and partying constantly like yeah yeah yeah it's like we'll go somewhere where forever we'll just sit in a big like mead hall and like drink endless tankards of ale and fuck bitches and fight other glorious warriors and yeah that's like when they were explaining it in the show it's they're like what's vahala he's like well you go to odin's hall and you drink and you fuck and then every night you get in a giant battle and everybody dies and then the next morning odin goes and everybody goes right back up and they're clashing their horns together and drinking and i was like man like a great this sounds like like i

remember thinking this sounds like it might hurt a little right like i'm gonna be it's okay though but learning about the ancient weeks and the ancient norse shit like in school or just reading about it because it's always been interesting to me like the gods i always thought like god damn like these gods seem like really way more down to earth and like not as upsetable over things like if i if i piss one of them off really bad i can be like odin like thor is super pissed at me so i just going to be praying to you for a while. Eventually, he'll ease up on me. With Christianity, it's like, man, there's only one of you, and you are not happy. He is the only fucking show in town.

You can't even go to Jesus, because he'll rat you right out. This doesn't spoil anything for the Vikings, but I hope it makes you watch it. There's one scene where a guy is getting crucified because it's easy to forget that it wasn't just Jesus who got crucified. That was just a way of capital punishment back then for certain people. The guy was like, it showed he's getting his nails

driven through his palms. He's got the ropes holding them on there, which I think is the historically accurate way to do it, where the nails didn't actually hold you up. It's the rope that holds you up. It's just the nails to like humiliate you and be in pain. And so like he gets nailed to the cross through his feet and his hands and

he's up there doing the cross thing. Then they like push him up on it and you see like the boom, boom, like jarringness of like him being like pulled on his hands against the nails. And he's up there for like 45 seconds as the people who put him up there are like, you are sentenced to die for blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then the guy who comes around, the king comes,

and he goes, cut him down. And so then they just bring him back down off the cross and get a fucking claw hammer and take the nails out of his hands. And it's like, holy fuck. That wouldn't even be, I don't know know it was just such a permanent kind of punishment your hands are ruined your feet are fucked like forever i would assume like if you have a nail a giant thick nail driven through your feet there's no way you're gonna be able to walk fine

yeah back then good good point. You might just get an infection. Or bleed out, right? I don't know what the veins are called on your wrist, but you could die. They put it through the palm. They did different stuff. I've read about this a little bit and there are people who, to this day,

reenact crucifixions. I know they had those things in Mexico where they do crazy shit where they fucking crucify a guy and they actually put nails through his hands and everything. But yeah, they would sometimes put it at the wrist and sometimes at the palm, but it would just rip out if that was all that were holding you up. So there's all those ropes and oftentimes

there's a little pedestal that the guy even stands on at the base. But I think the whole point is that you're supported by your arms and kind of hanging there and it's hard to breathe. Every breath you take, you have to basically lift your body with the breath every breath so each breath becomes harder x you know and it takes a day two days with christ he didn't die from the crucifixion you know they they land they stabbed him in the ribs with a lance right and of course he was dehydrated after a whole day of torture anyway, and they were

giving him vinegar and a sponge instead of water, so dehydration and blood loss, I guess. Yeah, you just slowly asphyxiated. Can we talk about fitness? When does that come up? Well, I was about to talk about Jesus' core. Like, you can't talk about Christ without talking about that fucking core

he had. That's true. He was incredibly was he was a stout guy carpentry is i've always suspected he was a swimmer he doesn't think he had to yeah he never had that's actually a good point he was a cheater walking bod but uh so fitness what did you want to jump off with i i guess we do an update every week um i'm i've been really disciplined this week in terms of diet not wildly successful in terms of weight loss i'm down seven pounds and uh from last week's pka that's a pound down which is good but i know that i'm barely it i'm at like 213.8 or something like

that and i just ignore decimals and um and also i hit seven down on like either the day after the last pka or or that saturday so for me i've been at the same weight for almost a week and it's just where i am but on the other hand i've been eating with discipline and I've been more active. So I feel like I didn't really fuck up and cheat a lot. I just didn't have wild success. Whatever. I'm down a pound from the last PK. If that happens every week, I guess I'm fine.

Well, yeah, you're trending down. Like, at least even staying at the same weight isn't like a relapse. You're still not, you know, gaining weight, but it is disappointing. I know what you mean when you like feel like you're doing so good. And like five days later you weigh yourself and you're like, God damn it.

Like, I don't know. It just seems, it seems like it goes in bursts sometimes. And I'm sure that it has to do with like water weight that you lose where like, like one, like over the course of one week you lose like four pounds.

And over the course of the next week you lose like half a pound or maybe i'm just wildly inconsistent who knows but i so i've been like my behavior has been good oh i bought a kettlebell it's not arrived yet i bought it off amazon today so i'm getting a kettlebell i am i didn't know what weight to get but i found an adjustable one it goes from from, I think, 16 to 40. Or if not, it's like 16 to 36, something like that. And I think Taylor's stronger than me. And he said 35 was pretty heavy, right? That was the first one you got, 35?

So I was like, oh. Yeah, I have two 25s and two 35s. And I'm getting a 50 when I feel like I can handle that for the like overhand stuff well anyway I if I recall correctly your first one was 35 so I was like well my first one might be like a 25 or 30 and this will give me a little growing room and whatever so I'm adding some kettlebells into the routine um try to look better a tight shirt I mean you never saw a fleshlight with a big labia, did you? Not once. Not once did you see a fleshlight

with two gigantic butterfly lips fucking laying askew on the outside. No, not one motherfucking time. But they're usually not full innies either. Ha! They almost always are. That's just because it saves on rubber. They almost always are. They're almost always perfect innies when you get a flashlight.

There's no meat hanging out of that bitch. There's a little labia on them. It's the tiniest bit. The tiniest bit. It's an innie labia. Super tiny on those things. I'm just saying, Woody's mom. I have been sticking to the workout stuff pretty good.

Definitely keeping the workouts going regularly, not so much the diet. At least not – the diet can get real bad sometimes. Last night I was telling Taylor at 4.30 in the morning I got the – I got a hankered for peach cobbler. So I whipped up a peach cobbler at 4.30 in the morning, and it turned out – Your life as far as making a cobbler at 4 30 is just oh i was so like i feel like kitty is seinfeld coming out and you're kramer in the kitchen making a peach cobbler and she's like kramer what are you doing in the kitchen it's 4 30 in the morning and you're like jerry it's peach season jerry you know jerry they're only good to the fifth you know

i gotta get these made It's papaya season. Have you tried the papayas? You know, Kitty is just is like, I don't know. Her sleep schedule is like the same as mine. And, you know, she was like, no, I don't want any peach cup. You know, there's plenty of nights where like three thirty in the morning. I'm like, do you want me to cook this or do you want me to cook that? You want French fries and burgers at like three in the morning? Yeah'm like, do you want me to cook this or do you want me to cook that? You want french fries and burgers at 3 in the morning? He's like, yeah, I do want

french fries and burgers. I'll cook them up. Last night, I cooked up that peach cobbler. Unfortunately, it was a disaster. I used the wrong flour and I had to throw it all out. Don't you wake up feeling rough when you eat a burger at 3? No. I never wake up feeling

any worse or any better because of anything I've eaten or drank the night before. I've never noticed that at all. Like I always wake up and I'm just like, all right, we're good to go. As long as I get a fucking cup of coffee in me in the next – if I were to like get up and not shower and drink my cup of coffee, that's a fucking shit day. I'd rather not live that day. Like I don't want that day. Like that day. Like, like, like I don't want that day. I like that day's that day's trash. If I can't wash my face and drink a cup of coffee,

then, then what's the point? I don't want to exist in that world where there's not a shower and a cup of coffee when I wake up. But as long as it is, I'm good to go. My sleep schedule has been good. Like since I got that BPAT machine,

I don't know when that was like two months ago, almost a month and a half ago. Um, my sleep schedule hasn't been this reliable since i stopped working at cisco so i'm that's good you always feel better when your sleep cycle is on you don't feel like you wasted like a whole day like even if you wake up at like noon and you didn't have anything to do anyway i always still get the feeling of like well look at you couldn't be bothered to wake up like in the a.m at the very least that's because you're not taking advantage of your 3 a.m

time like there are some times at like 2 a.m 3 a.m i'll do stuff though like i'll come up with something to do at 2 or 3 a.m i'll be like you know what i should do that and then like i don't know i'll clean the basement up or go wash my car at two in the morning. I do all kinds of crazy shit late at night. I'm sleeping four hours a day, Jerry. Yeah, like Da Vinci. I sleep 20 minutes every three hours. Fine.

I like getting up early. An hour and 20 minutes a day? Yeah, it's fine. I'll get up, have breakfast, exercise, do a thing, maybe accomplish a thing, and then it's only 10'll like get up have breakfast exercise like do a thing maybe accomplish a thing and then it's only like 10 30 in the morning and that's that to me is really neat like when i when i live a part of my day and then there's a lot more day still to go i like that i like that too because then like if you do take a break and it comes around to like three in the afternoon

you don't have to be like well aren't you a waste of space you can be like well i got up and i got stuff done so not totally no i like i like starting that day late it's it's almost like there every day is a journey up a hill and if you sleep late somebody else carries you halfway up the fucking hill you wake up holy shit i see the top there it is right I'm just going to jog right on up there. God damn, it's 5. I could use a little 45-minute nap. You're like a very lazy Sisyphus. I'm going to recharge here.

I'm going to recharge, and by the time I wake up, hell, it'll be getting dim outside. I also like when it's 7 p.m. For me, usually around 7 p.m. it's like, you know what? No more is getting done today. From this point forward, I do nothing but fuck off, right? That might be the internet. That might be watching a movie.

That might just be family time or whatever. But I rarely get a lot of work done at night. So something about that is nice when I get to just be like, hey, don't expect anything. I'm done now. You flip an off switch now if someone comes to you after you flip the off switch and they need not just some garbage taken to the outside not just could you open this jar of pickles if they need you to like go get tools and clothes on like your socks too not just your shoes because it's going to take a minute if they need some shit done, like, how shitty is that?

That happened two days ago. So the bedroom doors, they're very heavy, and there's two of them. So they're heavy enough that they take four hinges instead of the normal three. And my wife is like, this part fell out of the door. And it's the, like, cylinder that goes through the hinges. And this one's weird in that it doesn't have a cap on it. There's like two caps so the cylinder can fall out. And anyway, I'm like,

and I go and look at it and I see the parts and I'm like, this is a daytime job. And she's like, I just want to know that the door's okay. I was like, you come back to me in the daytime. I'll look at it. And then it was just like, I am shutting this shit down. I am not doing your... It is like 9pm. We know I'm not at it. And then it was just like, I am shutting this shit down. I am not doing your...

It is like 9 p.m. We know I'm not working now. You don't call 911 emergency services for this horse shit. If it was a fire, I would change the rules. But a door hinge... This is a tomorrow problem.

This is a tomorrow problem. There are some problems that take precedent, and I hate those problems. Sometimes shit will go down, and you're like, all right, my reality just altered. There's no way not to just full-on address what just happened and make it the – what were you going to say? I did something like that just a couple weeks ago where I was making bacon in a pan, and obviously there was a bunch of grease in it that I wanted to dump out because I was making a sandwich. I was just eating an entire package of bacon at this point, I think, actually. I wasn't making a sandwich in this one.

Is this pre-diet or post-diet? No, this was during diet, and I was like, for the day, I was like, all right, I'm just going to eat a fuck ton of bacon, and I'll stay under my my calorie goal and it's enough protein with these shakes but whatever so i made it all in the uh in the pan and my garbage can was like full of garbage it needed to be taken out and i wasn't thinking straight at all i was just out of the zone so i took my the hot grease and just absentmindedly this is like fucking two minutes after i'd stopped cooking it so of course it's still hot i i i took it over dumped it into the garbage can and immediately it just goes and burns through the entire plastic sack and the sack goes and it rips down and then there's trash everywhere in my now bacon grease covered uh trash can this is at like 10 15 at night throw the trash can out the door and i just back in i

was like i like had that thought i'm like all right if i just leave this big pile of garbage and bacon grease in the bottom of the of the garbage can with this like little you know uh hula hoop of plastic still around the top you know i can handle that tomorrow right and i was just like oh man this is gonna be so fucking gross as that hardens and calcifies overnight and glues garbage to the bottom and so I just had to scrub it out and take that under control. You could have thrown away the trash can. That would be my choice.

I probably should have because it's just a regular kitchen trash can, but yeah, that was one of those things. It was my fault. You know what I mean? It just ruins your night. We were like, you fucking idiot. Only an idiot does that. And you just did it. Yeah, I think it's worse.

When Kelly and White Boy were staying at my house, Kelly, I think she was borrowing one of my cars. And she was backing out of the driveway at my other house. And she backed over where the water line was, like where the water meter was, the water box. And she crushed it and broke the main water line that goes in the house. And it's just spraying water. And I'm like, ah, well this is my evening now. There's no not doing this. I can't even take my shower after the

day of work without addressing this. I'm just in a hole with a hacksaw for an hour. It wasn't her fault or anything, but it was something that had to be addressed. That's way worse than the bacon piece. I don't think you ever saw that driver. You had to back up a hill, up a concrete driveway, and then you had to cut your wheels twice.

It was not an amateur driver kind of backing up thing. I don't know her driving history. I didn't blame her at the time. There's an AMA question that kind of ties into fitness. Kelly's a wonderful person. i like her a lot uh but she is responsible for the things that she drives into right we all are but this is this is like at my at my house in my car and she just didn't know it was there it's it's something that anybody could have done so i didn't care there's an ama question that kind of ties into fitness here of oh i should really fucking oh yeah what are some your kettlebell routine like i i feel like

it's a cheat sheet and it would save me lots of time compared to learning anything on my own yeah i'll just i'll just type it out to you but like speaking of the working out i'm i have worked out at least three times a week for like an hour hour plus and i haven't missed one yet so i've been going like it's six weeks now and i haven't fucked up wait it takes you an hour to do your kettlebell routine uh it like about like if i'm really really quick with it like 45 minutes 50 minutes but usually like an hour i might have to work up to that i might take all of your set recommendations and divide them by three because i'm gonna be fucked but it's yeah i feel really uh exhausted afterwards because like you know you got a

good workout when like the last thing that i'm doing is only like another set of 10 push-ups and by like eight it's just like shaky and so difficult it's like a weird juxtaposition of feelings there and of course people who have been working out for a long time are like no shit idiot yeah this is why we've been saying we like doing this but like that feeling afterward of like kind of feeling shitty and sore

but it's a good shitty sore because you're like you did it to yourself and it's good for you but yeah I'll send that to you and oh the question I linked question to a pretty good one yeah that's not the one i'm doing but i'm sure that's a good one too but i yeah i haven't missed a workout yet thank you at least three a week for six weeks and uh the diet's been been good for the most part on the weekends i cheat some but not too bad i need to get better with that but um the question they had was what are your some what are some of your favorite healthy slash low calorie meals you guys have discovered since

you started your fitness regimen and the best one i have is uh blts with turkey bacon and as long as you don't expect turkey bacon to taste like real bacon it's pretty good it's still meat you know and you can you don't have to eat nearly as much of it to get all the protein that you get in regular bacon so it's like lower calories never had higher protein per calorie and i just and if you get great tomatoes i've been getting my tomatoes at whole foods because credit where credit's fucking due their tomatoes are better than walmart's you know so i'll pay the extra 60 cents but those are really fucking good tomatoes they have there but um and then just regular like don't know. I bought kids bread because apparently to buy adult bread in the section, you have to be willing to eat like 160 calories a slice for bread.

And then it's like, this is a 600 calorie turkey sandwich. Like, Jesus Christ. So I just got kids bread, which is 80 calories per slice, which still seems like quite a bit for bread. I don't know but yeah that's a really good low carb or low calorie snack that i recommend highly i've been completely avoiding the bread thing it's part of keto and i just do bread substitutes like sometimes i have a salad so it's not really a substitute sometimes we'll all use like a pepper as the container instead

of bread just like put whatever you're going to have in there in a pepper. But nothing I eat is actually good. What are you putting in the pepper? I don't know. My wife would make a turkey thing or a tuna and tomato inside of a pepper. Whatever. I don't know about the tuna. Tuna, I think, is one of the better things you can eat.

Yeah, tuna's pretty good. I just don't like canned tuna very much. What I've accomplished thus far is I've lowered my food standards. You know, things that I used to turn my nose up as flavorless and not filling, I now think this is my life and I'm okay with it. And another thing, I have a certain kind of food snobbery that I've accomplished, right?

Like, like I'll see bread or sugars and be like, no, that doesn't belong in this temple of mine. You know, your, your shitty body might be an amusement park, but this is a place of worship.

Or at least it aspires to be. So, yeah, I look at naughty foods and just think I'm better than that. I like shredded chicken. I want my chicken to taste like something. I think chicken is a good, like, chicken's a lot like tofu. It doesn't really taste like anything until you put stuff in it and make it taste like something. Chicken's a texture, if you ask me, as far as foods go. So, like, whatever you do, you should try to put as, this is me talking to the audience as far as healthy snacks go.

I think grilled chicken is a really good one. But you got to, like, get some flavor inside of it one way or another. Lemon pepper is a really good way to do that. You just put lemon zest and lemon juice and pepper on there and it's really tasty on the grill. Another good way to do it is to use chicken thighs instead of breast because chicken thighs you get more flavor

because it's dark meat. Yeah, I don't like the dark meat. What? Only white meat. I don't eat dark meat. That is baffling to me. I like all meats. I will not eat dark meat. I don't really like meat on a bone either uh there's a lot of things i won't eat i don't eat most pork um you know yeah most of those things not into that work is excellent my wife has a seasoning

she puts on the chicken i i can't tell anyone what it's called but it's not just salt it's some sort of seasoning it makes it a little salty a little hot a little it's good in some way yeah i like putting the whole chicken in the slow cooker um cooking that and then it's just like fall apart like tender chicken and i like getting that out with two forks and shredding it up and you know making sandwiches with that or wraps with that or uh good meal is you just get one of those rotisserie chickens from the grocery store that's just already cooked and then you what you do is you go home and you put on a show like last kingdom and like it's you know they're having their feast you're like oh yes i am with you sir and you eat your you know thing at the same time it's even got the viking cup i've got

a big cup that's made out of like uh i don't know what it's made it's like a i'll find a link to it i try to drink out of it but it tastes awful for lunch today i had been having salads for lunch with chicken in it which i kind of like and today my wife was like hey even easier still i could just like shred up cold cuts like deli meat like ham it was i hated it so much i like i hated it so oh my god like like sometimes i i eat like like a nice meal and a pepper and stuff and i think this isn't bad this is a nice healthy lifestyle that i could sustain other times i have like fucking lettuce and cold cuts mixed together in some abomination and it's like this is my prison woody you got yourself here this is how you get out

this is poor meal planning yeah yeah that's a pretty cool she had just gotten back from the dentist or something i'm in on you not her you gotta take you gotta take some of the response you're like i don't do my meal planning i just I'm more of a manager in this situation. I don't be too hard on her. She'd had a long day. No, motherfucker. You got to get on YouTube and find some shit you want to eat.

Sometimes I send her pictures. Mostly, though, it's stuff I wouldn't eat anymore. That's stuff I wouldn't eat anymore. I like to, um, one thing like, like that's what I do. Like is I get on YouTube and I find the things that I want to eat.

And if someone else is going to cook them, then I'm like, Hey, let's watch this video together. This is what I'd like you to do. Um, and that's, that's,

that's how I pick most of the things. That's what I do with Pornhub. And you blame Jackie on that too. This is a horrible selection you know but yeah well we're all sticking to the fitness thing hopefully everybody out there is losing weight do you know um i'm i haven't weighed myself since tuesday when we talked about it so i don't know i'll have to do because i'm only doing i'm mostly weighing like one day a week on sunday i'm around 185 oh how much have you put on total uh it was about 181 with you too at the start about 185 right now all the time um don't weigh

any less than that anytime now so it's good good for you man yeah i should be easier on myself i so if i dude i was doing the math like all right if i lose a pound a week which apparently is about a reasonable expectation for a guy my size um it's it was october 26th when i hit my target weight the fuck that seems like a really long time from now and there's some consolation in the fact that, you know, come midsummer, you'll be halfway. Like, you know, it's not like nothing happens till October. But I would just say, God damn, like, I feel like the amount of weight I want to lose is huge. And do you ever go on those like calculator sites where like I've done that before, where it's like calorie calculator and like weight loss projection or weight gain projection or whatever. And you put in your stats of like your height, your weight, your sex, your calories, and then you like hit go.

And it'll say like you'll reach your goal of one hundred and ninety pounds in eleven point two weeks at this rate. And then I start fiddle fucking with it and be like, all right, if i ate what if i ate 820 calories a day what if i ate that many and it's like uh usually it just says like we cannot recommend eating 820 calories a day but if you were to eat 820 calories a day you would reach your goal in four weeks and i'm like boom that's what we're gonna do and like it i don't know i feel better losing weight this way even though it's much slower than i did when i was just crashing weight for sure but you know i i should have my pool in june so to get the pool in june and the body in october is a mismatch that i i can't be in love with but it's's my life. That sucks. Winter is like a coma

where you don't even consider, like, I should be getting in shape for summer until it's way too late. And you're like, oh, fuck, spring is here. Well, the ship has sailed. I'll get them next winter. You know, like, that kind of mentality is so easy to adopt.

Well, I don't know. Step by step. step I'm out there exercising I'm eating right I did fucking fat cells can only hold out for so long they're bound to lose if I keep it up I'm so fucking banana cream protein powder it's horrible because it looks like a fucking packaging looks exactly the same as vanilla can you not make it at least like the flowing liquid? Like put a big banana in it and make it yellow. It's unacceptable. I'm going to throw it away. I don't want it.

A personal trainer reached out to me and said he would help me come up with a meal plan and do some exercises and stuff like that. I haven't replied to him because I'm like, I don't know, there's something wrong with me. I'm like, ah, you know, I could never take up an offer. I'm sure he didn't really mean it he probably meant it he wrote a card he's a trainer like as his profession and his handwriting

is immaculate like out of dude so my daughter's boyfriend was here at the time for prom we were all doing like handwriting analysis to see if it was a font and like he had just printed this or something and my um my address has the word deer in it and we're like look those two e's are not identical like this isn't a font this is this is handwritten because his handwriting was just outrageously good you see they're writing the letter like one of those monks with the easel in front of them and that paint, little tiny paintbrush doing the calligraphy. Let me text my wife and see if she'll bring

it to me. I don't know if she has it or not. You should take him up on his offer if you want to. You should. I'm sure he meant it. Worst case scenario is you're like, I'm not going to do that. That that's too hard and that's it one of the issues i think he wanted me to call him and uh something about that was like how long is this call gonna be how do we we don't we don't do voice yeah yeah can i text you it's gonna be a text-based relationship yeah um oh i said can you bring the fitness letter she said what the card with the

handwriting she'll know what i mean yeah we were all like carefully dissecting and i need to show you that handwriting it It was outrageous. Oh, she said okay. Maybe she knows where it is. But yeah, so, and he's a fan of the show. He said he was a fan of the show and of my content, and I thought that was nice and everything.

And then he said, I'll make those dry fit shirts look good on you. And I'm like, ah, he's a real fan of the show. He remembers that. That's an eye-opening thing. That's another way to solve shame that's really useful is to buy uh workout clothes that are just like the ones that you see on those incredibly handsome mannequins at dick sporting goods you you buy those and then you'll be feeling good about yourself and then you put it on and you

stand in the mirror and you look at and you look at your fat fucking back. You look at your punch belly in it, and you just stare for a bit. I like how you look closer to the microphone when you insult yourself. You're fat fucking idiot. Can you see how outrageously good his handwriting is? Yeah, it's quite good. I like it. I like it a lot yeah i two thumbs my handwriting is always terrible my thumb kind of hurts it's even worse right now but that looks like a letter that you would pick up in like uh skyrim as it goes

like and then it's open in front of you and you just read the you know the very fancy calligraphy letters yeah that's quite good it's written in print which is i for some reason i expect a cursive uh like a calligraphy style thing but it's just a really nice font of print it's nice yeah we were theory like the hopes boyfriend was like maybe he does the thing with the ruler where he writes out the lines and he races the lines afterwards. And that's how all the things are so wavy and even, like not wavy and evenly spaced. And I don't know. That's the other thing for the listeners. This isn't written on notebook paper.

It's written on a blank piece of like paper paper without lines. And he's written a very well-formed paragraph or so there that looks nice as well. Letters are all the same size without the fucking lines you know you can get out of whack pretty quick yeah so anyway i should call him oh i was gonna say i'm just like having that memory back to fucking like elementary middle school and shit where like you'd run out of space at the very bottom but you didn't want to go to another piece of paper and the words start turning into a caterpillar down the

edge of the paper and stuff. And the reason that King Henry did not invade in 862 is because he didn't have enough men and also he was sad. Partial credit. Good.

I'll take it. Good for something I think I have one more advertisement to tell everyone about little word from Bull and Branch if you've ever stayed at a luxury suite or five star hotel you feel like you could sleep forever

you know how good you feel in those sheets I want to tell you about a great brand Bull and Branch their sheets turn your bedroom into a luxury suite you've never you're never going to want to get you about a great brand, Bowling Branch. Their sheets turn your bedroom into a luxury suite. You're never going to want to get out of bed again. What makes these sheets unique is that each one is crafted from 100% organic cotton. That means Bowling Branch sheets not only feel incredible, but also look amazing. You're getting twice the comfort and style at half the price.

You'll love these sheets. Try them for 30 nights and see for yourself. If you're not impressed, return them for a full refund. Anyone who sleeps on Bull & Branch sheets loves them. That's why they have thousands of five-star reviews. The New York Times, Forbes, and the Wall Street Journal rave about them, and even three U.S. presidents have Bull & Branch sheets. Go to bullandbranch.com today, and you'll get $50 off your first set of sheets,

plus free shipping when you use promo code PKA. That's $50 off, plus free shipping right now at BowlinBranch.com. B-O-L-L and Branch.com. Promo code PKA. That's what I've got on my bed right now. I've got the PKA sponsor Duo every night when I go to sleep. I've got the Casper mattress wrapped in the wonderful Bowlin Branch sheets. Yeah, they really really really are good

like i put the bull and brand sheets on a little while ago and they're fantastic i feel like such a poor having been using those like t-shirt sheets and whatnot yeah a poor poor and like and i i'm proud to say i'm no longer a poor because i've boosted myself up to bull and brand sheets they accidentally sent me uh california king sizeling Brand Sheets. They accidentally sent me California King size sheets. And I was like, cheers, they sent me the wrong sheets. Can you get me the King size? And he's like, I thought you had the California King. I'm like, no, that's Woody.

And Woody was like, yeah, that's me. So they sent me the King size sheets. And they sent me this thing to send them back the California King size sheets. But, well, I just didn't. What if I sent you a thing to send them to me? Oh, well, that could be arranged quite easily. My wife, I have a California King, and my wife loves those sheets so much.

I like the sheets, but I guess I just don't have fine tastes. I don't know. I'm like, yeah, these are nice. What did you say? I have a second set for you she like is legit like can we make clothing out of this for bumming around the house and she's been brainstorming on on how to excellent cape exist in these sheets bowling branch capes coming this fall she would like that i I think they might sell. You'll feel like you've never left the bed. I don't know.

I need to check again. Perfect marketing campaign for it. Everyone will spend all day in bed. Now you can with Bolland Branch brand capes. Who cares if everyone thinks you're a maniac from the past? Or some sort of vampire hunter. Because you'll be comfortable all day you know she's good she came in here and modeled capes one show i know i remember that that was funny

you should get credit for that she should that's what's happening right now she's getting credit for i'm giving her for the i don't know this is for the woman but she'd want that i think she'd but she doesn't listen to the show. Right. No, it's just the mom that we've got to be wary of. And she has no position on capes as far as I am aware. Strictly, unless they're lady capes,

as we're now going to call them. Oh, those are drapes. Lady drapes. The drapes. Oh, Jesus. My internet connection's still down. I'm glad we went and tethered off my phone and such otherwise it just wouldn't have happened i'm glad it worked we were uh we were sitting here myself taylor and our our our guest and taylor was like really sweating getting he's really upset i

could tell and i he's like i just i just hope the recording worked i i would have to start over but we have to start over the recording because that's two hours in. I'll be really mad if we don't have the recording. I'm like, well, it sounds like his internet went out, so probably he's still recording himself

right now. I was. He's like, yeah, you're right. Kyle talked me off the edge of that. I was sitting here because I just immediately, my face got hot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, yeah, you're right. Kyle talked me off the edge of that. Probably fine. I was sitting here because, like, oh, I just immediately, like, my face got hot. And I was like, oh, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no. You better not be fucking gone. You last two hours. And then Kyle had to be like, no, no. Well, he's still recording. Like, he obviously wouldn't lose it if he's still recording on his end. And I'm like, yeah. Yeah, yeah, you're right. Yes, yes, yes, you're right. Oh, he wouldn't lose it if it was on his end, would he? Oh, of course not. Oh, oh, God, thank you.

And then I felt a little better about it. But that was like the level of elation that I felt. Yeah, I could tell. You got some early morning meetings, I think, on Friday. So Taylor's never looking to stay on up to 2 or 3 a.m. with us. Yes, I don't have time for fries at 4.30. You've had first PKA, but what

about second PKA? PKA! We've had one, yes. It's funny how the first time through things are funny. It's great. There's a good vibe and everything. You tell a joke like try to do a replay of anything that worked really well.

The magic is gone. Like if we were to like recover that guy with the tinfoil head or whatever, it just it'd be terrible and ruined. whatever like it just it'd be terrible and ruined and the whole like uh turkey guards or whatever assaulting all those people like having to like fake that again like it's it sucks because it the worst is like not knowing that the listener can tell you if you're faking it a bit because they can but it's knowing that the people who are laughing at what i'm saying and what i also said the same thing 40 minutes ago they also know that i'm saying the same thing you know and so it's like oh like i feel like i remember we like back in the day you do dual comms or something right and uh you know everyone's new to youtube in the

cod community at this point there'd be tech errors and stuff it seemed like a third of my dual comms were ruined so then like me and the other guy it's like i guess we do it again then he's like telling a joke he did before i'm fake laughing at it and i'm like man not only is this not as good as the first time around but now you know that i have the like i could be fake about it and and it's like i've exposed myself yes now you know the level to which I can fake it. Yeah. And it was just like, man, it was terrible. It'd be better to do a whole different conversation even if it was worse because that's better than the first one. I feel like some people probably could have benefited from that, right?

And then you get a second take. There was one time I did a dual comm with someone, and this is ancient history. But I said something I regret about another YouTuber, and I faked tech issues. I'm like, ah, the whole time my voice wasn't recording. We need to do it again. This time I won't say regretful things. That's pretty funny.

Oh, no, it's all been lost. Oh, and it's being dragged to the recycle bin. Someone's remote controlling my computer. This is some swordfish shit. I don't know what to do. It was a dual-com I did with Saspen Jr. Some people might

remember him. I totally lied and said that there were tech issues and we had to do it again yeah i saw that guy stone mountain uh he makes battlefield content it gets suggested to me a lot um he's funny yeah he's funny i wonder if he'd like to be a guest on pka is he funny all the time i wonder so uh trying to think you know i guess we'll briefly cover the trump thing it's there's a special investigator a special prosecutor what new has happened since tuesday i'm not really up on it oh since, since Tuesday, the senator, whatever. So, of course, you know, he fired Comey.

Now there's an acting person there. That acting guy, Rosenthal, maybe I might have his name wrong. He appointed a deputy special counsel is what he's called. And his job is basically just to get to the bottom of this thing. He was the CIA director under both Bush and Obama. Apparently both, this is W, both W and Obama were very happy with him. His name is Robert Mueller. And apparently this guy is the dream choice from Republicans and Democrats to get to the

bottom of the whole Russian connection thing. And I want to get this right. It included two things, like the Russian connection and maybe a campaign thing that he has going on too. The only downside of it is it happens kind of in privacy. It used to be handled in these Senate hearings out in the open and such. Now it's like we're going to find out the results a year from now when everything is over. So but, you know, at least the truth will come out. We'll see. A similar thing happened to Clinton, except I don't think he was a um a special counsel i think he

was something else like a investigator and they started looking they were with clinton this is bill they were looking at vince foster's death that's a thing that a lot of people like to say he murdered this guy vince foster and some sort of real estate investment trust and that witch hunt just took like every turn until they eventually found him uh in adultery he was cheating on his wife and that's and and more than that like cheating on his wife was a problem but like it was the perjury not perjury but lying in front of it is it's perjury when you lie in front of congress or maybe it it is and and he he kind of obstructed justice, but it was about covering up his extramarital affairs. So some people were like, per, bribing someone over a golf course, you know, which is not where it started. So we'll see what the deal is.

But, yeah, now there's a guy investigating Trump, specifically starting with the Russian thing. Oh, also, he can subpoena apparently anything like if this guy wants trump's tax returns by law he they have to turn him over if he wants any campaign documentation their emails all that stuff um they can he's able to request it so all right i wonder if they would like ever subpoena ridiculous stuff. Like, all right, we're subpoenaing Twitter for all of your deleted tweets. For the history of your account. Oh, that's already a thing. That's already been, I'm going to say this wrong,

they cataloged all of his deleted tweets, right? For perpetuity. Yeah, I'm sure Twitter has every single tweet everybody's ever tweeted. Twitter, but the U.S. government. I read websites a while back. Even non-government stuff. I'm sure Kyle's right, but I think that

I don't even know what it is, but there's a domain that specifically helps you find famous tweet tweets. Isn't there something like the Wayback Machine? Something that shows you old webpages? Yeah, it shows you what the internet looked like. I just wanted to go to Twitter. You can go to your YouTube channel

back in 2011 and see what you can see. You can see what kind of design you'll see that old... Remember, you used to be able to really customize your YouTube homepage, like your home channel page, and have all kinds of designs and graphics and stuff.

Of course, give credit to some fuckers didn't you have like really good branding and it was like tan and like artistic and curvy yeah i had really good uh channel art because i had someone who for some reason liked my stuff and was really fucking good at it and so for a while there i had really good so i remember woody telling me like god your background looks great and so then when it finally changed and they changed it to the new layout where it wasn't like your own page with like your banner at the top if you're a partner that says your title or whatever like i was like and then with like the column at the side that's got your subscribers your views your fucking when you joined your little description i i was like unreasonably upset when they changed that format

i was like oh it's all over like what am i gonna do i don't know why taylor like i'm making up numbers but taylor might have had like 50 000 subs at the time and his branding and art and such was as good as the million sub channels or better you know and and i wanted mine to be good and all my ideas were kind of like and i hated myself for it but it was like huh how much can i copy Taylor without copying Taylor? Where is the line? He's clearly the answer key, so maybe I'll get a 93 on this test and still be happy. That was my approach to Channel Hour. But then people worked with me who were also good, but I always really liked his because like mine was good but his had like a

class to it and i'm trying to find it on this wayback machine this is neat i've never looked through this you've never looked at that no i've never like gone back and checked on my youtube page but i'll do that another time this is yeah okay now's not the time to go down memory lane no especially when i'm having trouble finding a good goddamn picture of the ah oh well impatient it's asking me yeah i am impatient you mean you can't just immediately search through the annals of history and provide me with the content i'm looking for that's ridiculous yeah yeah that's neat i i wonder how big is that internet ad boycott people stop talking about it did it get better or are people just adjusting to it internet ad boycott oh like pete advertiser

saying i don't want to be on this channel or that channel kind of thing yeah there's like an adpocalypse and and people's ad rates were cutting in more than half or something like that people's ad rates were cutting in more than half or something like that. Chiz found it for Taylor. He can't not look. This check-in? Like when they sent out that

where they were like yeah, nothing before 2011 for me. That's weird because my channel's been around since 2010. But I remember when they were like, hey, we need you to put this pre-roll and this post roll on all of your videos for like the oh like machinima thing spun around and i did it for like i did it for one video and then i forgot for the next video and then nothing happened when i

forgot and i was like i'm just gonna not do it again until someone mentions it and it you know six years strong so are you still with machinima uh i yeah i think i guess i still am i just i just don't do anything so i just kind of a passive thing uh i um yeah i don't know i i machima, I guess, left me. I guess I could have technically stayed with them, but they changed my rate or something in some extreme way, so whatever. I ended up going to Atomic. I don't know. Machinima is still around?

I guess so, if you're with them. They do their thing. Yeah, I mean, if a Titan like Taylor is still buoy i guess so like if you're with them they do their thing yeah i mean if a titan like taylor is still booing that uh that organization then they must be around like no it was uh it was nice i always thought of myself as machinima is like that uh one of the soldiers of one of like the shitty lords that they only called upon when they were in real deep shit where they're like you know know, call on the rest, the small ones. Make them tweet this.

Make them like that. You know, we're in real trouble here. What will happen if this shitty little channel doesn't like all of FPS Rush's videos? And it was like, goddammit, you can't have FPS Rush on one of my videos? Give me a little help. But, obviously.

Yeah, there were times where i really felt like sometimes i was treated well they had a thing with their like top 10 or top 20 channels that got like a special support and a different person dedicated to me and i was in that group and then there were other times like getting promoted videos where it was like man you know like it seems like you're promoting everyone but me and like you know with the size of what i've got cooking right now i should be in that group of cool kids and and every so often i'm doing special effort videos like usually they were musical and uh and i'm not getting any kind of push i did what i don't know you give a yeah i feel you i just remember at the time the thing that like

bothered me was i like having my channel like all those halo live action videos or whatever and it was just like god because at the time machinima was so machinima was so enormous it was like they just would upload it leave it on their home page for three days and promote it on respawn and whatever other ones they had they would have you know 10 million views or something you know 5 million views whatever something bananas and it was ah in retrospect it was just so annoying when they wanted me to make my channel because now i feel like your channel's home page doesn't do very much it plays a trailer but people don't go to it that's not how they find videos back in the day though the pre the like auto play on your channel was significant like for a channel like mine i might get 40 or 50 000 views because that thing is auto played

on my channel page and they would want me to put their shitty halo videos as my auto play and it's like i'll do it but for like three hours you know so i can say i did it and then i'm putting my own shit back on there. That's all you get. You know, you want me to be that much of a team player. You got to fucking be on my team, too. You know, I can't just be take all the time. And that's kind of where I felt like they went wrong.

Yeah, I didn't care for that. Especially, you know, all the I think I put I bet there's still three videos in my dropbox from 2010 like or 2011 or whatever for those machinima things your wars or whatever yeah where it was like hey do you have your videos in your dropbox it's like yeah you clearly haven't opened my dropbox because if you did you'd see ah videos in the dropbox like with titles and like all they're done but yeah after a while i just stopped i remember putting them there so i was on the phone with people from machinima i think it was optic something or other and uh maybe one of the dubois or something aaron dubois and uh anyway what happened was another network had fired up and they had offered me a higher cpm

so i was like hey machinima love you guys don't want to leave but i'm getting this other cpm there can you match it and they eventually had me like fly out there and and talk to them in person and in a cube somebody's like they had taken a picture of benedict ar, put my face on it and pinned the fabric in their cube. And, uh, I'm walking around like the machinima's offices and it's like, the fuck? Like this is what they think of me here.

Those assholes. But more than anything, it's just wildly unprofessional to, to be in a biz. Cause at the end of the day, it is a business, you know? And if you, if you're a big performer and someone who is bringing in views for them and then you walk

through their office and it's a picture of you with like darts thrown in your face or some shit it's like oh that makes it that's a good work environment hooray those guys are running that thing we're doing cocaine in the back yeah look at that look at that shit like as i say the word cocaine chiz is like they did coke there! Laugh my ass off. I don't name any names. I'm not talking about Hutch. I'm not going to name any names, but I'm certainly

not talking about Hutch. The higher-ups there were... Yeah. I'll fucking say it. Yeah. A lot of coke. What? C-Nanners may have a very calm and soothing voice when he's I'll fucking say it, yeah. A lot of coke. What? Senators may have a very calm and soothing voice when he's making those

videos, but at night time, he gets all coked up and goes on whore rages, as he calls them. Whore rages. Whore rages. How do you know that they were doing coke in back offices there? It wasn't even back offices. It was very well known.

On the pictures of Woody. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They take a picture of Woody, lay it out, fucking snort a line, do a rail right off Woody's calf, a picture of it. No, it was poorly run from the start. The people running it were idiots. They mismanaged millions of dollars, blew millions and millions of dollars.

I remember me and Sam, XJaws, when we used to get in these Skype chats that predate this show, that were kind of the origin of this show, the fact that we would get in those Skype chats and talk, we were always like, what the fuck are they doing there? They got 140 employees or whatever it was.

What did they do? What did they do? Give me the job titles of these people. And I've been there a time or two or whatever. I used to defend them. I used to be like, you you know what i'm sure they're doing much more than we realize it's a very complicated it takes 140 people just to scrape um you know money off of everyone else's channels whatever i uh yeah and then they didn't defend me back. Yeah.

That was a poorly run organization over there. They had it all in the palm of their hands at one time, and they let it slip right away. I mean, they had so many big gaming YouTubers all locked up right from the start, and they mismanaged the stage to it. Yeah, they had a damn near monopoly.

If they had taken that... You could be with... I was going to say, you could be with full screen. You could be... I mean, Yowsh was a thing. I don't know. There were a bunch of choices. Makers was one.

But for whatever reason, at the time, if you're a gamer, if you're not with Machinima, it was like you signed with second tier. Even though those other ones in the long run turned out to be better. But you were second tier if you weren't with Machinima, it was like you signed with second tier. Even though those other ones in the long run turned out to be better, but you were second tier if you weren't with Machinima. Yeah, that was definitely the thought at the time. But yeah, that was a poorly run organization. It was, I don't know, money had to have been. You saw the projects that they invested in and you saw the

decisions they made with content creators that, you know, to me and you we were like, well that's Sandy Ravage, someone should really hang on to him, he is a, like I would have seen Sandy Ravage in the middle of Modern Warfare 2 as a real fucking asset, like a guy that we need to be

exposing right now when he's red fucking hot to as many eyeballs as we can garner as machinima as a network like sandy ravage was so hot at one point he was so and everybody loved what he did and it was marketable you know and it wasn't even personality based it was just like there's a thing called sandy ravage that isn't necessarily a person it's just a channel that's fun that gets these millions of views, a quarter million views of him just running around with a shotgun. There were so many talents that they mismanaged, didn't take advantage of. Let's slip away. And then the money that they did invest, the tens of millions of dollars in projects like

Mortal Kombat or any number, take your pick, the Halo series they did, all that live action bullshit, where they're going and hiring someone else, someone else's product, and paying them a premium to make content when they've got a full- So they just hired a production company, basically. Yeah, yeah. What I'm saying is they're like a baseball team

with this huge minor league system, and they've got all this fucking talent but when it comes time to play big league ball they go and buy like free agents from all the other uh established networks it didn't make any sense it was like if you're gonna make a mortal kombat show fucking stick hutch in that bitch fucking stick hutch in that bitch at the height of his YouTube popularity. He doesn't... Make Hutch the guy who's under

one of the masks of one of the main Mortal Kombat guys. You don't even need him doing Kung Fu. Just let him make a cameo and you'll get an extra million views or something. They completely mismanaged their talent pool. Wasted tens of millions of dollars. And it was... Even that office they had. There was no need for that expensive office right there in the millions of dollars. And even that office they had,

there was no need for that expensive office right there in the middle of LA. Yeah, you're not saying it, but I'm putting it together. Yeah, and some of the people that really did get the push, right, that seemed to be in the front line, who was the bad player from Europe?

He used to... I don't even know if he was... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's another old guy, right? Yeah, he used to i don't even know who was it yeah yeah yeah yeah he's another old guy right yeah he used to throw smoke can't can't can't burn can't something can't be can't burn yeah yeah he was uh the junkyard of england yeah yeah and then junkyard got a huge push and then guys like sandy ravage and me got nothing you know and and i was popular you know like i would look at random days and stuff and be like oh you know i'm the 65th largest or fastest

growing channel right now i was never in the top 100 largest but as far as like fastest growing or most views i 60s was kind of my home and uh you know that's pretty good like by comparison 50s is where you'll find casey most the time like you know 55th most views but and of course everything's bigger and like you know they were generation leapfrogs previous is accomplishments but every step of the way and that was very early like like with the machinima stuff, you know, because Modern Warfare, Call of Duty, especially Modern Warfare 2, I guess, made Machinima. Like that game made Machinima as much as it made so many YouTubers, as much as it really blew up. Well, I guess Cod Forehead already came and made Activision a lot of money, but it was just so successful that all ships rose with the tide of that game. and a lot of money, but it was just so successful that all ships rose with the tide of that game.

And Machinima, before then, had been a small thing, and guys like Junkyard and Ken had been long-time loyal guys that had been working there, and I think that loyalty was paid back to them in fucking spades for like two years after their time had clearly passed you know there were guys who had been doing other kind of content machinima content uh in some cases and then all of a sudden the new norm is call of duty commentary which requires you to either be really fucking good at call of duty or be funny or quirky or interesting or smooth or informative or something your voice

has to add a thing to the gameplay most of the time unless one is just so fucking good that the other doesn't matter. I used my voice to hope that nobody even paid attention to the gameplay. Yeah, sure. Because then it would betray that it was not good. Yeah, I'm sorry.

Because people like to listen to you just bullshit around. I was always surprised that you didn't do something like Lefty did, but not quite so pretentious, like go in your backyard and smoke a cigar while you talk to the camera. Something like that.

Some kind of vlog. I should have done that. Mayhaps. Who knows what the future will hold. I've still got my machinima contract, I guess. In perpetuity. In perpetuity. In perpetuity. They probably have to pay you $2

They probably have to pay you a $2 CPM whether they like it or not. What is the current state of gaming on YouTube? I see PewDiePie livestream. I see that. It seems like a lot of gaming has moved to Twitch. We talked before about my work ethic.

I used to make two, like, commentated Call of Duty videos on above average gameplay a day. And someone was writing, I might have saw on the subreddit, I'm not sure, that by today's standards, they've leapfrogged anything I've ever done. That people put out, like, you put out six great videos a day. That's bullshit. That's bullshit. All right, so I'll tell you who I watch and what they do. And maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I haven't found the – because there's so many out there, and I'm not plugged into a network of interconnectivity.

So I could be missing some guys. But I've mentioned them before. I really like that AccuLite guy. It's A-C-U-l-i-t-e and i really like jack frags um they they both do pc gaming and they're both very very good at it those are the guys that i watch and what are their videos like is it um half well they um i think they both do multiple games but primarily primarily what I watch, of course, is Battlegrounds footage, and that kind of lends itself to half-hour videos

that have multiple playthroughs in it. Because it's a battle royale. I've described the game, but each game can last two minutes. You drop in, get in a crazy gunfight. Maybe you win a little, you make a little progress, but then you're dead, and it's just a real quick like crazy shit show but then your game might be 25 minutes so he'll mix like 30 minutes of good content together both of them seem to and and i love those videos but like so it's is it just him like uh what do they used to call it not a live com it was a live com

yeah it'd be live com style stuff where they just take their comments as it's happening and edit it together into something it's a mixture because they both seem to do a lot of different stuff sometimes you get twitch stream highlights which i which i like um they play duos a lot which is two guys or squads even which is four and so it's it's live commentary but it's more like live teamwork you know it's there's so much communication required in that game already that it's a constant conversation going on about who's where and what's where and like competitive very much so um so yeah well i wouldn't say that outworks the sort of thing i did no i wouldn't either that's

what i was getting at is is like and what i what i was gonna say isworks the sort of thing I did. No, I wouldn't either. That's what I was getting at. What I was going to say is the amount of videos that they upload, it seems like one every other day. One every day, maybe. Something like that. It's not 20 videos a week or I'd be consuming it. It's just good moments from the previous day and such. They're both so good that they win the game fairly regularly like you know maybe five eight times a night in a play session like they're they're often winning they probably win 10 of their games you know that take take the first place out of 100 um and so

you know every one of their clips there aren't too many of those that i described that that i usually have where i drop in i play for three minutes it gets intense and then I die they get really deep into the game it seems fairly regularly or at least regularly to to show it happening two or three times a day every day I would bet they just figure out what not to do that's a big part of it you know it I only know the game casually but stay away from this section don't do this kind of risky behavior there's you know the game casually, but stay away from this section. Don't do this kind of risky behavior. The baby buffalo stuff that ends your night. Sure.

Yeah, there's a lot of that going on. They're very good, though. There's a huge skill gap. I still suck. I'm still so bad at it that I can get turned on quite easily. I got turned on. I played a game right before. I took my entire gaming setup and moved it upstairs so that I can get turned on quite easily. I got turned on. I played a game right before. I took my entire gaming setup

and moved it upstairs so that I could play in my bedroom. Before I moved it all back down here to do the show tonight, I got a few quick games in. There's a guy running in a field right in front of me. I'm like, ah, get him. I go, bang, bang, bang. I hit him the first two shots.

Then I kept missing. Just bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, and the sights are like real life so you got a holographic sight and he's 50 yards away and moving around it's a hard fucking shot at least for me it is but those guys I described their videos they destroy people that's why it's so satisfying to watch they're just fucking insta killing

people all over the map making long shots at sniper rifles and shit hmm sigh what do you think of our guest making long shots at sniper rivals and shit. What did you think of our guest? I liked him. He did well tonight. I liked this appearance better than his previous appearance. I can see that.

His best appearance yet, according to Kyle Rave Reviews. You should title it that way. That's not clickbait at all. I meant to ask him. I like business stuff so much. I often want to talk to a YouTuber who comes on. How's the channel doing?

What are you doing over there? How's the apocalypse treating you? Who's the other comedian who invented the scorpion? He was on that Ninja beastman you know ninja warriors before there was ninja warriors he seemed to do a lot of comedy things like in these great vacation resorts what was his name he's on the show oh that guy that we were talking about with tonight's guest in the interim what will the the john something another guy the guest

that we had previously right john henson the talk soup guy yeah yeah the talk soup guy anyway what i'm saying is rogan told the talk soup guy hey go on podcast get your name known then you'll be a guy who can like fill up any comedy club and there's a career in that. It's not impossible to achieve. I wonder if that's the same business model that Hofstetter comes on. He's like, I go on PKA and now I'm in shows and people are like, I liked your PKA appearance more so than their Joe Rogan appearance,

more so than their Adam Carolla appearance. I wonder if that's what he's doing. I just like being able to fill up comedy clubs because there's a job security and business model there. Yeah, it's good business for comedians to be going on podcasts as much as possible, getting themselves out there. There's so many comedians, it's hard to get known. Yeah.

Or was he coming on to promote his new gig? He had his best year ever, and he also took on a day job. What's the motivation there? I don't know. It's a pretty good day job though. I bet he's going to be able to hook his own career quite a bit from that position. It seems like it's something like

a ton of networking. If you're going to go on the road, it's one thing to go up yourself on the road. Like, hey, yeah, I'm Jim and I'm in town. But if you go on the road with Louis C.K. or something, let them headline. If you could go with somebody who was already it's like getting to fight

the same night as Conor McGregor if you can network just right and make some friends yeah anyway I hope he does well yeah I hope so too you guys want to call it a show? yeah if anyone wants to play Battlegrounds with me not you fuckers because I know you won't but you cool kids

out there in the world you know hop on Steam and play with me sometime Not you fuckers, because I know you won't. But you cool kids out there in the world, hop on Steam and play with us sometime. I'd love to play some squads with a good squad. That's hard to come by. I like communication. I like people who can shoot. Real team player here. Alright.

So, Chiz, I guess you'll wrap it up. That's PKA episode 300. Any post rolls? I don you'll wrap it up. That's PKA episode 300. Any post rolls? I don't think so. All right. Ha-ha. Yeah, so this time I'm not pressing the button. We could be recording or not.

I really don't know.