Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #347

Episode Date: August 18, 2017

This week on PKA, sadly Kyle is out of commission this week but we got Harley from Epic Meal Time to fill in for him and Dick Masterson makes a return as an always awesome guest! The guys talk about the Jake Paul YouTube drama and IRL fighting with diss tracks and how Woody gives off poor first impressions to people.

Oh, here we are. Pink you already. Episode... And with our guests, Harley and Dick. What's up? And real quick, sponsoring PKA Tonight is NatureBox, MeUndies, and Audible.

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The Elder Scrolls Legends is available for download globally on both Android and iOS devices today. Welcome, travelers, to the Throat of the World. And welcome, Dick and Harley. Thanks for coming on. You guys may have noticed we don't have Kyle, who Dick still doesn't know. Oh, man. Come on! Right off the bat? I don't even get a hello out for.

No, we'll make fun of you later for that. So thank you so much for coming on, Dick. Everybody loved you last time. And Harley, you already know, you know, theennial favorite with some something coming out from the back of your hat but thanks for coming on guys you're not a fan you're not a fan of the blue hair you don't like it oh oh my god it's really it's really popping on camera right now yeah did you make this decision yeah it was just a choice as we call in the industry uh a choice harley made a choice i actually also had a a much longer beard uh this is the first time i'm

on pka that anyone has a longer beard than me so congratulations to that thank you did you pick up that diet hot topic yourself did they let you go in or did you get an underage girl to do it for you or what there's actually an app you can an underage girl to do it for you or what? There's actually an app you can get someone to come to your house. A stranger will come do it for you. To come dye your hair for you? Yeah, so I just had a stranger come by. You don't want to go outside ever again if you're going to do that, right?

And they were definitely a Hot Topic employee. Is there really an app for that? No, there isn't. I was just really sensitive to the hot topic dig i was like no not me there's this app let's focus on that this app doesn't exist so so is this like uh one day you were looking at yourself in the mirror and you're like i'm in good shape i look good thin with my beard cut i need something to hinder me or i'm just going to be getting too much cash well i actually uh i have a girlfriend and it was her plan so maybe maybe you discovered something

that i wasn't really looking at you know maybe you noticed some details that i didn't maybe this is her plan to make me uh unfuckable can i say that uh we prefer you don't forget uh oh i didn't know no no no we're fucking around of course you can say whatever you want yeah does she have colored hair too it's her master plan to make me unfuckable but i'm cool with it i feel like i'm playing like uh create a character with my life you know it's like you guys are a couple's Halloween costume every day now. I've gone through, I went through like a Hollywood Hogan phase. In June, I had like this blonde and black thing going. It was very Hollywood Hogan. Then I went gray.

It was kind of like a Witcher vibe. Now I'm a troll. Those little, not a cool like under the bridge, like murder you troll, like those little naked ones with the blue hair. like under the bridge, like murder you troll, like those little naked ones with the blue hair. Yeah. Those ones that like, even as a kid, I remember this old guy that worked at the company my grandpa worked at. And I, and I remember walking into their office. I like, I was like a five, six year old and you know, like all the little stupid shit that adults keep on their desk. You know, you're down, you don't know the little thing that you squeeze and the eyes pop out. This old fucking man had the entire rainbow of these little

trolls on his desk, and as a five-year-old, I was able, I couldn't conceive of pedophilia yet, but I had the gut like, oh, be wary. Be wary of this guy. You're like, this guy's the stranger. When they say don't talk to strangers, it's this guy. It wouldn't have been that weird, but he had

them all ass-facing him. Oh, that's extra fucked up actually well long story short is once you color your hair you go down a a hole and you just keep fucking it up more and more that's where i'm at now where are you going from here like what how are you gonna fuck it up worse or just shave your head i'm chilling man actually i'm chilling i enjoy just you know life. I did walk out after having breakfast and there was this kid there and I walked out and he actually said this.

He said, laughing my ass off. Sick wig, fam. He said that? Yeah, he actually said that. Are you sure he didn't tweet that? He spoke in tweet. He literally did. He spoke Twitter as a language. And I looked and I was like, oh, yeah, he's right, though. He's did. He spoke Twitter as a language. And I looked and I was like, oh, yeah, he's right, though.

He's right. It looks like I have a wish on him. Just promise that you're not going to get an eyebrow stud. I promise nothing. I promise nothing. I purposefully bought and started playing with fidget spinners this week. Now that everyone's tired and it's probably the most obnoxious time to get into something like that let alone that there's probably never a good time like now i like it you didn't like it when it

was popular you were 30 something not long ago right the hair hit bam you're 20 tops the fidget spinner rolls in now you're 12 i'm not sure how long before you are just a I'm a special 15 year old I picked up a fidget spinner at a gas station And I was so ashamed of myself That I had to do that thing where you're like Now what newfangled contraption might this be You know as you're obviously

Knowing how to use it And I gotta say There's something a little satisfying about it As you wiggle it back and forth but then you notice the stares of people around you and that's quickly quickly diminished yeah i just have these moments where i like i have a fidget spinner and i'm like i literally have and i'm just like all that eh for this all that for this thing and then you give it a spin and you're like i almost understand i almost get it what was it made for it's made for it's a safety device because I can like count the number of scuffs and dings and things

I've broken just compulsively spinning them or trying to balance them like a laptop where I'm just like I think I could just hold this laptop like normal or I could try to spin it on the ends for absolutely no reason. And I'll be in an elevator, throwing my keys up in the air, for no reason, knowing that at any moment I'm going to blow it and drop them into that little crevice and spend like three days trying to put my life back together. That's what it's for. It's like satisfying that compulsion in your mind that just destroys things in your life so basically a way to like make it so you don't bite your nails or break pencils or well i actually bite my nails and fidget spin i actually dabble in both simultaneously do you do

any other like uh pulling your hair out or anything no i don't do that these are precious i need these i'm like i'm i'm like now like growing my hair long because i'm like why didn't i do this when i had thicker hair now i'm like coloring it and stuff i'm like all these all these things i never did when i had hair i might never have it again i should have pictures of me with crazy hair because like i didn't like you know i always had my hair short and then i just felt like it was disappearing i'm like now i'm gonna go all in on hair i'm all about hair now are you trying to to do any revisionist history stuff, like taking pictures of yourself with an 07 spring break tank on

so you can pretend like, no, that was me 10 years ago? No, I'm not going to do that. That's a lot of effort for me. I mean, it's not much more effort than having your girlfriend dye your hair. That's easy. I could do other things like when she does that like play xbox or turn it into a vlog that's fair yeah i'm turning into some money is it are you feeling any oh go ahead how's the vlogging going is that still rolling is that cool yeah no one really watches it but other than that it's going pretty well

yeah I like it's actually what's that? I think so I asked if I was in the right mic I love it I actually enjoy it I actually enjoy it as a thing the fans that do watch are like the core

you know but I tried to make a vlog video i guess when i had my youtube like i did my youtube channel like seven years ago like off the start when i saw other people doing vlogs and revealing their face on their game channels and whatnot and getting a bunch of views and i did a few of them and like on the fourth take of one like it was just like a realization of like man like i look bad like my hand isn't going far out and out from my face like it's just whatever uh have you ever seen those things where they do the different angles on the face where you're like oh if you

look at it in 70 millimeter you look like a superstar mine must have been in six millimeter because i just had a billboard of a face across the entire thing. And I just looked like a fat head. And I didn't realize because I was only 20 at the time that just shaving your head to save money and save time at haircuts was not a good look. I look way more, looking at old pictures of myself, I'm like, oh man, thank God fucking Trump wasn't president back then or I would have had some bad vibes at Mizzou. Well, yeah, vlogging is like a primary thing is

always interesting to me like like i said like you know vlogging is not my thing and i i kind of like to an extent like i can i can be a little envious of some channels where someone can just be like yo this is my day and here's my camera i'm eating cereal what two million views oh my god so crazy like that is something that i can to an extent be envious but then you never get the day off from yourself and when yourself becomes everything that your channel is it's like when you draw the line you know what i mean it's really a problem when you hate yourself as well and you use liquor to constantly escape from yourself balance between needing to expose yourself no i remember uh i remember the concept of self-esteem before i started doing uh video show before you

know the dick show became about and i started broadcasting all the time and people started like really figuring out scientifically how ugly I am I'm looking at you guys woody Harley you guys got a you guys got like a great vlog face me I always look like a sweat soaked potato with springy hair and like I don't even look at myself in the mirror anymore if I'm passing ones I'm like I know it's hideous I don't need to do you last year I made like 120, 130 vlogs or something like that. They were five days a week. And while I'm vlogging, I'm gaining weight, right?

Oh, my God. If you're under the impression that the YouTube comments were kind enough not to mention it, you're very wrong. And they're like, Woody's got ted cruz double chin you know how can we make it again right because it's like political this is the shit they're saying you look like troy ackerman and ted cruz had a kid that might be the best description of Woody of all time. Oh, man.

That is so brutal. And I'm like, I'm going to make chin, fat, and obesity banned words on my channel. Because I can't see it anymore. I remember they would always post. Oh, go ahead, Arlie. Did you do that? Yeah. Oh, my banned words list is like, I don't know. It might be 200 words long.

Because people used to have a couple... You can't say whore, because I was all kinds of whore. I was like money whore, like whore, like whore, like whore. You beeped out whore? I did, yeah, yeah. I beeped out kike that is used

in the same way that whore was used on your channel. Okay. Money kike, stuff used in the same way that whore was used on your channel. Okay. Money kike, stuff like that. I had a big greedy kike. You can go to my channel. You can comment whatever you want. No blocked words, 100% free. Nobody's watching shit.

Nobody's watching shit. No videos, but you can comment whatever you want. Yeah, if you use the K word, my mom wants to write a response back, so I did it for her sake. Oh, that's not because the bad words offended me but because like people rarely wrote asshole in the midst of a compliment right like like if that word's in there it's probably a really negative comment so that stuff like that would get yang so you're saying people have to comment hate in a way that circumnavigates this minefield of censorship that you've laid out before them where they have to be like, my words

sir, I disagree wholeheartedly with your contention that Donald Trump is not doing a good job as president and I'll explain it and elucidate in the following ways. Like no, nobody's gonna do that. They're gonna call you a whore and then not come back. Yeah, yeah, it's yeah, there's gonna be all kinds of like censored comments on this video now but yeah that's what i did as a way to like protect myself from the mental harm they were dishing out but now shockingly like i guess i didn't show myself like in my paramotor vlogs for a while and they're complimenting my weight loss you guys probably don't know i'm down 23 pounds last i checked and uh and they're just yeah i i what i did is i lowered the bar i lowered

expectations and now that i've gone from like fat guy to dad bod i'm fucking smoking by comparison so here i am so you intentionally set the bar low but you were playing the long con gaining weight and then and coming back Yeah, I remember like so to Dick's point about like when people submit art or whatever and sometimes It's not flattering or you like pass yourself in the end in the mirror, and you're just like oh, who's that? Oh, oh no, man. That's me. I am a person Like we like oh, I was just saying me and me and what do Woody have terrible vlog faces, too, by the way. I wanted to throw that out there. But yeah, continue.

I don't have a good vlog face. But what I do know is our, because we talk about Game of Thrones a lot. Last time Harley was on, we talked about it a lot because we all watch it. And so we often get Game of Thrones photoshops and such of us into characters, like kind of lightheartedly. And sometimes not lightheartedly you know because that's the kind of group of people we've cultivated here over the years but like i remember looking at one and going through and like haha yeah woody's fucking cersei or oh there's there's kyle as as the midget and then i saw me on samuel tarley that

giant globe of a person and i'm'm like, this isn't funny. This is not funny anymore. I don't approve of this. That's my only bad thing. And all the owl comments, I don't mind that because it is really accurate. When people kept telling me, when I don't have a beard,

I'm very owl-like in my quality. You get those big eyebrows. Oh, yeah. Yeah, very big eyebrows um the owl thing just embrace it because for when they first started saying it what seven years ago the first time i showed my face and the first comment was owl like i like ever since then i've like looked and been like no no and then maybe a week after i'm like god damn it like they got me good like i look as much like an owl as fucking Mitch McConnell looks like a turtle.

Like, very, very good quality stuff. But yeah, it is disheartening to be photoshopped fat, which I should not have said, because now that's all. I see where this is going. Harley, you've lost a bunch of weight. Are you still losing weight? No. Now I'm maintaining. I was probably, i guess i was in better shape the last time i was on the show but i never put weight back on i'm probably just softer now are you still lifting a bit yeah yeah i just i guess i changed my diet up in my, my regimen a bit. And now I went, I'm like a dad bod, but I could like build the deck in the back. Like that's what you need a dad bod for. So you're like a Caterpillar that you would rent from Home Depot.

Not like, not like a big one anymore. Cause you were pretty, I remember on the last episode, you're wearing a tank top and you looked like you'd really been hitting the iron. Oh yeah. I was very, I was very serious at that point in time what's it like to fall off that because i know we've been me kyle and woody for the past few months have been holding each other accountable and trying to not be you know fat fucks and working out and shit like we're all still into it now what was the first sign you noticed of like you know what fuck it today or was it so

gradual you don't even know there was uh there's because like at that time i was uh waking up at 6 a.m to work out and i uh i also even like i had gone a couple weeks not eating any meat even so i was like in a place and uh i got to this this moment where, and I remember the two days where I had abs and I remember being there and being like, okay, I don't, I don't need this. And then going back to like, yeah, there was two days. I have it up on my Instagram. If you go pull back to like last summer, I did 360 degrees. I'm checking off every terrible, every terrible YouTube quality right now.

Shirtless selfie, like colored hair, vlog channel. But I got to that place and I was like, I don't need this. Let's let's do this and eat pizza and eat burgers. But I just won't get to 290 pounds again i'll stay at you know 235 i just don't need to push it to that 220 you know and you have a feeling of like i i fucking did this like the deed is done now i maintain it or was it like all right you know like you're doing ladders in the gym where you touch your goal and then you're sprinting back in the other direction. I, it's, I have a weird frame of mind with it. Actually. I'm kind of like, I know where I can go and unless I have a reason to be there, like, like it's a weird thing to think of, but like, uh, um, if I had a reason to be like that dedicated to being muscular then i would do so uh like a role

for example you know what i mean if or if there was something like that that i wanted that i needed that to to have that guardians of the galaxy comes along yeah there's do that there's i i gotta i hear that there's auditions for a loo movie or something. And I'm like, okay, I'll go fucking try and get jacked. But other than that, I just maintain there's so much work involved every day and just life to enjoy. And I like fucking playing with toys and shit. So it's a time-consuming thing. And I respect people that are dedicated to it. I love those men and women like flex down competitions like mr universe really yeah i love that i love

that stuff you know as it might be i i i watch um nick strength and power his youtube channel and he covers those guys and he also covers the physique guys and i feel like the physique should be the bigger competition i don't know why well you know why it's not no because it's literally not the bigger competition like what are you talking about like which like literally they are literally bigger guys it's like why you like and i'm saying you like you know it's very american like heavyweight the heavyweight is what matters and like truth be told like aesthetic is amazing and i'm like way more impressed by it in many respects but at the end of the day you're taking like a guy who's like six five and 280 pounds and he just looks like he's like it's like on a

different level it's not even about you know how perfect it is it's just how big humans can be if humans dedicate themselves to being big and so it's like literally it's the bigger competition at least in my eyes i want to see a god up there i want to see somebody that i have no chance of being like because if he looks like me i'm like that makes me makes me feel bad. I want to see a guy who I'm just like, no, his jeans are all this and that. And his dad's been a bodybuilder for generations. No chance I could do that. I don't know about any of them. But the physique guys chisel it, right?

The both of them have no body fat. But the physique guys will be like, I need my lats to do this. I don't know. I'm not that into it. Well, if you look, do you know any of these people? Do you know who Phil Heath heath is the he's the mr universe guy right yeah exactly like that he's the one they're trying to unseat yeah that guy is like that guy's body is like he's literally like if you took a muscular person and photoshopped them huge like that's what he really is he is that like that that to me is like you take a picture

of yourself in the mirror and then get an app called like jackify actually that's not a good he looks like you you blew him up with a pump that's insane yeah it really is an insane uh insane thing and like that's just like you know it's just the pinnacle of something you know what i mean when you look at like you know athletes or or whatever i mean i i was just thinking about it before when we're talking about fidget spinners i never went down the fidget spinner rabbit hole i never went and googled like fidget spinner competition i'm sure there's people out there like that are probably doing the craziest shit with fidget spinners you know what i mean i can't be bothered to search fidget spinner,

but I'm sure there's probably like the best fidget spinner-ist in the world. That person must exist and he must have a channel. Have you ever been to a rave and you come across one of those people who's wearing gloves that have lights on the end of each finger and they come up to you and okay i'm talking about when you arrive at the rave and you're still sober and you're you're getting around and somebody comes up to you and does the they do like a trail of things and like i'm sure they go up to all their friends who are on molly and they're like

oh that's fucking awesome ted you got you got fingers of the gods, but you go up to somebody else and it's like, what the hell is wrong with you? Get out of here. Yeah, I never... Oh, those guys are the heroes, man. No, I feel like... I always feel like they're trying to distract me while another deviant pickpockets me or something.

I don't know. Maybe I'm imposing my... what I would do if I were a fingerman, but who knows? A fingerman? A fingermanerman i like the title you've assigned them yeah like uh i was a burn man last year wandering out through the middle of the desert i don't know i have no idea what time it was probably it felt like three or four in the morning but it was probably you know 9 30 uh and this all of a sudden this ball of fire springs to life

and starts twirling around in the darkness and goes it just like i'm like oh okay i'm figuring it out in my uh in my inebriated state like it's a guy twirling a stick around a ball of fire okay and then it starts shooting off like 10 feet 15 feet and reeling back in like uh like something at a soul caliber i wants to watch that guy for like 10 minutes putting on this little performance for me and i walked up after i was like dude that's amazing like and then i had this feeling of like do i gotta do i have to blow this guy or what like what was what was the can i just walk away now two dollars two dollars would be fine i'm sure. You're supposed to blow them after that.

That's what I thought. So I ran away. Close your eyes and I socked him so I could get out of there. What is Burning Man like? I've never gone to a music festival. That's basically what it is. Like a Roman debauchery festival with music and big statues.

I really don't know. It's cool. As far as festivals go it's takes a lot of work to get there so I think that I think that matters I think people appreciate a little bit more and there is a ton a ton of beautiful women beautiful young women there who want to find themselves and it just so happens that themselves is usually in your tent so it's a lot of fun the music is great that sounds like a great so it's really just a place where girls with harley colored hair hang out and they're like in the middle of their like lesbian until graduation but they still want dick yeah you know that kind of

thing and then they okay it's burning man you can get straight up just a harley like not even a girl look-alike like you get me you get me in your tent so is it it's easy to get laid at burning man that's true i mean it's hard not to get laid i heard there's a like a cougar tent well the thing is it's so detached from the regular world there's no cell phones there's no TVs I think the constant stimulation that everybody has

in the regular world is gone the dumbest things are entertaining like a conversation that would be shit on at a bar. Like, a pickup line that would never work in a zillion years. Hello works at Burning Man. You just walk up, there's a, oh, hi, how are you doing?

And it's like, oh, we're both humans again. Without, you know. Because they don't have the choice to, like, betray you and look down in their phone and, like, pretend. Like, you're forced into conversation. It's like being in the 50s where I assume you just went to the soda fountain and played jacks. It is. You want to court me? I feel like this only works if you follow the first two rules of dating.

Everyone knows the first two rules of dating. Be attractive. Don't be unattractive. Those are the rules. If you're unattractive, you just go for an unattractive right those are the rules if you're unattractive you just go for an unattractive girl no i think i i've never been but i can only imagine that you don't need to be attractive i think you can uh in this scenario that he's describing you can actually be ugly tie a shirt on your head and maybe just be erect and you're good

on their face like banging that you can't they can't tell if you're hot or not. You put on a gas mask and be erect. That's what I understand of Burning Man. What I understand of Burning Man is you can put on a gas mask, be erect, and anyone will have sex with you. On a bicycle. I saw people on bicycles. I heard about these rainbow parties, right? Girls wore different colored lipsticks. They all gave blowjobs to guys.

And your dick would have a rainbow on it by the end of it and teenage me didn't recognize that that's not even what would happen he just thought oh my god how do i get into a rainbow party right like how does this happen they're not real are you telling me burning man's real that this is a thing people can get late first of all rainbow parties parties are 100% real. Really? They're not. They can't be. It wouldn't even work. No, I hosted one.

It's not about actually making a rainbow of the penis. Oh. Well, then what's it about then? It's about a blowjob party with different colored lipstick. You got to tell us how you know they're real. Please tell me you've been to one harley yeah have you been to a lipstick party no oh well thank you I think that

like Woody you're imagining it I'm telling you why would you think that they don't exist because it's really like it's hard enough to get a blowjob right it's hard enough it was hard enough for you

to get a blowjob in your day and it was harder it was also hard for me in my day but like it's not our day anymore like there might be a rainbow party app my day like that could happen like there was like think about it you you never did you ever make a tinder profile yeah i'm too old for that yeah no i was asking woody like yeah so like i understand that a rainbow party didn't exist then but now like that's nothing it's not even the girl thing that makes it troubling it's it's the fact that like i i have a hard time imagining like having a group text with nine guys and then another one with nine girls and being like all right all all our buddies

are coming over to sit in a room and get blown together. You can't even decide where to go to dinner. You're going to decide where to get nine guys sucked off? That's never happening. That is so fucking true. You ever try and organize a dinner party with five people that you like? I'm under the impression you only need one guy. I thought Harley brings up a strong point.

It seems like one guy would get it done. You could have a rainbow party. It takes at least half a dozen Mouse. No, no, no It doesn't technically a rainbow party can occur. I would say even with one man and and and two Two women. No. Mmm. I wouldn't even say women. I would just say two more Just two more just two more pairs of lips you ruined this party Harley and as long as they just take turns

and rotate colors and change the colors up and make sure you hit you know blue indigo violet whatever that's it. Harley if you're going to let them change colors we could do it with one girl like my wife and I could have a rainbow party yes I did I would debate that

I would debate that you're going to get the reservoir dogs problem, too. No girl wants to be Miss Brown. They all want to be pink. Oh, yeah. Nobody wants to be a mauve. They want bright red. They want bright pink or bright green or something.

And then you'll have two girls who have dark color eyes or green eyes bitching at each other because they have the same complementary color. You know how women are with that kind of shit. Are you serious? Like you've never been with a couple of girls out and they do their whole. Oh, well to your thing about burning man, like Woody, I don't like,

I don't understand why you're having so much trouble accepting that lots of ugly people fuck there too. It doesn't mean that the ugly person's going to get a hot chick, but there is a tent there. I'm sure you remember, uh, when FELTs in, uh,

300 goes into that crazy tent with all those ladies with like one arm and like burned off tits. And he's asking for the outfit and everything. And, and, uh, Xerxes is like, I am a generous gold or whatever he does.

And he lets him do it. Like that is what i'm imagining with the ugly tent some amputees maybe war veterans nothing but respect you know and they're they're getting blown in these tents and like i it wouldn't be hard to get laid there the way dick is describing your weight class right you know don't don't try to don't try to punch above your own weight class go in there and uh you get some action i can see that i think that's something you can bring with you going into a nightclub but i think from what i understand of burning man never having been there you you can punch above your weight class people are there like i want to

suck off an ugly guy i want to suck off an ugly guy on drugs and that's what i'm gonna do the first ugly guy that comes up to me and says hello i'm gonna do that because it's drugs and that's what i'm gonna do the first ugly guy that comes up to me and says i'm gonna do that because it's burning man that's what i piss my dad off yeah if i blow this guy in the desert i i purposefully cisco and uh he told me like yeah you don't told me because he kind of worked for me and and he needed time off i was like all right cool and then like later on i brought up like oh right right burning man is that week you know we need to work around it and he was it was a problem for him he's like i can't believe you told people i'm going to burning man and i'm like i had no idea you know i treated it as if it was like sandals burning man camping

skiing i don't know people are like oh you're gonna go do acid and fuck yeah he's like you're basically telling him i do all the drugs that i'm gonna and all the people he didn't say that and i don't you know what he might defy you're able to get laid this guy um you know this is a it guy at cisco was this uh that indian fella He was not Indian, no. Oh, so he was the other white guy in your department. Yeah. He wasn't really in my department, but yeah. But we worked together on a project. Anyway, he didn't have too many women hitting on him.

Dick, your hair is getting out of control. Is there going to be some trimming of that anytime soon? No, man. You look more and more like a Roman I was I was thinking about it But I got a compliment from a really beautiful girl on it. So I was like, ah, sweetheart You just added three years under this hair. Thank you very much I'm gonna text my mom a picture of you so she knows who to hate for the next three years. Oh, it's good I like it's got a good shine to it. Thank you good I like it's got a good shine to it. Thank you good. It looks healthy Harley

Don't make it blue your hair so I won't do that face is that You did what color were you in your face? Oh, dude all of them when I started doing the show somebody found my old myspace Profile and like they got they need a new word for the emotion of the internet has found an old social media profile of mine because it's like a mix of self-loathing and like terror that any other time so like this idiot got real excited and posted a picture of me with red hair on I logged into MySpace delete Delete, delete, delete, delete. Please don't have... He didn't... Thank God he didn't download anything else before he found it.

But there was green, blue, purple. I ruined a lot of sheets. When you go back to those old social... You're right. There does need to be a word for it. But it's just blind panic. And then when you do go through, like I'm sure you were looking through the MySpace pictures, it's like you're looking at a version of you from an alternate reality where you're like, this isn't even me.

Who is this guy? Like, who made these decisions? Like, I wouldn't. That's not my brain. My brain would never do that. I noticed that like almost no matter what. like almost no matter what and i almost realize this like every day when i make choices with some of the clothes i put on or how i look i'm like no matter what i'm gonna look back and from 10 years now i'm like what a fucking loser no matter what and i know that because i do it like

five years ago 10 years ago i look back i'm like this fucking loser now i do it with videos now i see him i'm like oh my god shut up you're so ugly and like it's me i know no matter what i'm not going to be happy with this guy do you ever go back or in your head think about old shit and then like you get so uncomfortable by it that you have to be like like clap your hands or something or be like oh ah ha ha yeah you're you're literally you're literally like by yourself doing anything whatever you'll just be like fuck oh, ah, ha ha. Yeah, you're literally by yourself doing anything, whatever, and you'll just be like, fuck, that was really terrible.

That was bad. I can't believe I did. And it's like something from 1995. Like you accidentally farted in front of your crush in elementary school. Harley, do you get people playing you your videos a lot? I would imagine that happens to you.

Once upon a time, I think in the earlier days, I would go places and people would put it on and be like, right, you? I was like, yeah. Whenever we meet. Because I edited the first 150, no matter what, when I hear me

or if something's being edited or someone puts it on, I'm like like turn that fucking guy off. Yeah Yeah, there's nothing worse than when someone I know Finds out about PKA and then we'll just like pull it up in public and I have to be like No, no, no, no You're saying some crazy shit and you're like, you had to watch literally the 100 hours of broadcasting before that to get what I'm saying. It's weird.

I'm doing a character. The character is being a bad person. Don't believe what I'm saying. If it comes up that I have a YouTube channel or something, once upon a time, my wife is always like, show them the dog collar video. Show them the dog collar video.

Get out your phone. It's like no no not that one no it's kind of funny that is the one that i would show if it was your channel it's basically woody putting a great dane dog collar on and then barking loudly to see when it kicks in and it it like your foot was tapping it was so powerful by the end like because what happens is you make it go off and it shocks you and i'm like all right but if you keep misbehaving it gets louder and i'm saying this through giggles and stuff like i could hardly contain myself and then you bark the second time and at the end like my leg is kicking and my head is jerking and my hands are like this yeah it was not the video that i'm really horny That's not as horrible like because I would never send them like a video game video of mine to be like

This is what I was like in 2010 like as nobody wants that but the one I send to them when they're like Oh, you did the YouTube thing. Yes, send me something Remember Hurricane Sandy that fun that fun thing as that was happening I I took news footage from a hurricane sandy news reporter who was talking about the destruction and everything and i edited i edited it over the footage of uh new york being destroyed in the day after tomorrow to all the different things of you know oh look at the horror as people are dying and whatnot and i in retrospect i should have waited until hurricane sandy had passed until i posted it because people uh it was a little insensitive people said but um but that's

the one i go to because like and i'd rather than watch that and be like man what a piece of shit insensitive person then open up a video and be and have me in 2011 being like hey i'm using the scar s on shipment today like i just oh makes me want to scream that's so uncomfortable but you must be pretty happy you didn't jump into the youtube thing dick right oh yeah um i got that same thing where if whatever i hear before like even stuff i heard last week because we do like an hour podcast and i'm trying to explain how i feel about whatever like current news events i'll i'll listen to it and just go god what a fucking idiot that does not make any sense it's like it's just rambling

bullshit like i can hear when the panic takes over and my mouth just starts going and i just go like it's another another failure like you you blew it again you had it i can i can hear it right now in my head even trying to explain this like it's so easy to sit there and write it out it's so easy to sit there and obsessively write a comment on reddit or on youtube and just delete delete delete delete over and over but talking in a way That's unedited you just I sound like such a fucking ass all the time I like I'll pull out one sentence and just go that one was good. That's that one sentence was good delete everything else I think I'm a heavy I said editing

They like I don't know what it is. I'll be like, Canadians aren't real people, so when there's a disaster in there, it's not as big a deal. And they'll tweet me that the next day. And at first, I don't even recognize it as something that came from me. I'm like, oh, that's pretty fucked up. Oh, no. It's like every day I wake up after a blackout because of PKA.

We have running jokes about that shit where Kyle will say that Irish people are the spawn of Satan and are the worst and Irish people deserve everything they got, you know, and all that. And so like that's a joke from like a year ago. And so the people watching then, they're like, oh, yeah, when they say people aren't people unless they're American, they're joking around. But we don't ever explain that. And so I'm sure like four episodes ago when we're like, oh, there was a horrible tsunami in Africa. It's like, how many people died? They're not even real.

Fuck it. Like, it just comes off as really shitty. It's Senegal. It's just, yeah. Lots of ridiculous things on it. Yeah, it's fun. It is fun. It's just so uncomfortable to go back and listen and

think oh like that memory that was in my head in eighth grade did you guys have eighth grade middle school graduation or did you just have high school so i remember i was sitting next to the hottest girl ever because uh we had our last names were the same and i like now i think back on it i can remember how hot I thought she was and I'm trying to not remember right now because I know she was like, what, 13 or something like that. It's like the same thing when you're at the mall and you see a girl with a great ass

and then she turns around or her mom walks up and you're like, oh, what kind of person are you? What were you saying, Harley? I actually completely forgot. Probably wasn't important. it'll come back up we've got we've got time as you know on this podcast immediately got interested in when you said that when you uh you're checking a girl as soon as you heard hot 13 year old harley's mind went zoomed in yeah i'm not saying that i god forbid i don't go that joke i used i don't go by, you know,

preschools and places, obviously, because that's what pedos do. But I'm saying if you're at the mall, and you see a lady with a nice ass, what you think is a lady with a nice ass, like, standing at Chick-fil-A, and then she turns around, and she's got braces on, and, you know, like a

Spelling Bee champion shirt or whatever, you just feel gross but at the same time it's like you had no idea before she turned around that could have just been a from behind like a 16 or 17 year old I can recall being at like old like convention like

VidCon things like you know like three years ago and like someone coming up to me and like talking and you know maybe like how old you and they're like 17 i'm like get away from me i'm like i'm like mad at like security that it's like a an open bar thing at night and there's like kids at these youtube things i didn't uh i didn't i didn't go to vidcon this year because of that or just i felt like it was like uh like i i rarely the only people that are happy to see me at vidcon are dads here and there and i was like it's a little it's a little crazy do you guys do you guys watch youtube by the way yeah i watch youtube videos i just I mean, I don't go around to the popular shit.

Yeah, the popular shit. So interesting these days. Like Jake Paul. I know his name, but I don't know what he's doing. All I saw was this bad in LA coverage or something. You know about any of this, Dick? No. What's in right now?

Jake Paul is in. no i'm uh i'm what's what's in right now jake paul is i got i got such a backlog of shit people send me that i have to look at that i have i don't think i feel like people wouldn't send you this so what does jake paul do why is jake paul so much bigger and badder than the people that came before him right like there's always been vloggers and there's been silly people and what does he do it's it's actually like it's not like when it's funny like when we all say like jake paul now it's you know jake paul is i feel like everything that is youtube every creator that i know of has like done a video where they put his name in the title and that video gets like four times more than their regular and uh he's got like his little network you know team 10 of people

making videos and they're all popular and then there's like you know uh phase banks and rice gum in another la mansion and they make videos does he make with their network they all do like you know crazy stuff challenges vlogs whatever like run-of-the-mill youtube content and uh it's like almost like these two houses and and the content that they all put out because there's like these multiple people living in the houses and then like ksi who was a huge youtuber and stopped making videos like came and like moved in to one of these houses and then these kids from the jake paul house the Ricegum house to, like, fight Ricegum. What? Seriously?

And then, like, yeah, and then Ricegum wasn't there. And then FaZe Bank said that if you were home, it's not just the camera that he would pull out, which is, like, you know, that's gangster shit. You know what I mean? Like, these people are known for fake videos. I thought he was talking about like pissing on his house or something. It's actually – it's got to a place where it's like kind of like, I don't know, all these kids and all this like drama and all this crazy stuff going on. They kind of put themselves in like into the real world with it. Like they rolled up to the house.

And now I'm like, oh, that YouTube drama. It's so silly. Like back in my day, we just, you know, wrapped our dicks in bacon for views. You know, now people fight each other and and now i'm looking and i'm like oh shit like two guys actually physically rolled up to the house being like yo you bully people on instagram like we're gonna show you oh he's not home lucky and then he made a video like oh you're lucky i wasn't home and i'm looking at this i'm like now it's real life like what the fuck has happened to youtube literally what the fuck has happened it YouTube? Literally what the fuck has happened? It's like, we have like this,

like it is very fascinating. We have like this ex Disney star, like a ex Viner. Now, number one trending on YouTube with like his little like mafia of content creators in this house causing shit with his neighbors. And, and then you have this other house with like all these other

content creators one of the girls in that house who's dating one of the guys was like jake paul's ex-girlfriend so there's this underlying tone to it but i had to get this out rice gum and faust had a feud they met they had a fight and it was all a prank like that came out two days later and said it was fake f-o-u-s-t faust fausty you're so funny you're the funniest guy i don't know his name just because like foozy food is foozy and like i it's not that like i i expect you to know it but like it's so funny because like i i feel you i feel you like every day there's another content creator and i'm like who the fuck is that and they have like three million followers and like i have no idea but like you should be me but like yeah exactly like

that's it like it's just like i like i i feel you on that you're like you know but uh no it was fake last time could it be fake this time Or do you think it's real? Well, you see, the context is a little different. I find this time if it's fake this time, it's executed much better than that time, because that time I was like, no, that's not real. But now I'm like, wait, I need more videos to determine if this is fake drama or not. I don't have enough yet. But it's it's just it was interesting to me when, you know, before I was just like, ah, they're starting fights for views. But when it went to real life and they showed up at the house i was like oh

now like team 10 is fucking g'd up from the feet up like rolling up to the house like looking like it's like you know we're talking about like these are like you know like you know young hunky online guys like in tank tops like that are like dollars and no life skills whatsoever like they hug each other and they jump a lot when they talk and like they took it can't be like anyone get served no no one did but when i saw those kids i was like you know like i like i'm like ah these kids now i'm like oh shit now are they are they about it are they really about it i want to know and and then and then like you know rice gum and banks that house, it's just, I don't know where everything's going. It's all crazy.

You know what? I'm putting all these fucking things in the title of this video. I don't even know. Oh, you should. You should probably put Jake Paul. Do you know who the Sidemen are? The Sidemen? I have no idea.

Does it belong as a keyword in the bottom? No, it's just one of my takeaways from this is that, like, I didn't know who the sidemen were. Now I do. But, like, KSI was a YouTuber that I know. And it's funny because I'm just like now I've watched all these videos and I have no one to talk about them with. And now I'm just spewing it out to you. I want to know. No, KSI stopped making videos, right?

I didn't even know that. He's back making videos. And he's in the rice gum banks house doing it and he he said put out a tweet being like i'm leaving the sidemen i'm doing on to bigger and better things and uh i was like oh shit who are the sidemen because i didn't know and then i looked them up and they have like 1.5 million followers on Instagram and stuff. And I'm like, oh, and then now like the Sidemen, this guy was making a diss track on KSI and then KSI like leaked his diss track on his Snapchat dissing back at that guy. And I didn't even know who that guy was, but like now I'm looking at all this and I'm like,

what the fuck is even happening? Like, it's like, it's more so than ever. It was like, I remember like like in in 2010 i remember like freddie wong videos and i'm like that is the future i'm like there's shit on tv that doesn't compare to this three minute video this is one guy or two guys three guys and they made this happen like content is crazy youtube is at the spearhead of destroying traditional media and creating something new like people like freddie wong are going to make like sick ass shit that's going to be so crazy people

are going to upload awesome stuff to youtube wrong and it's going to blind yeah you're going to get norwegian guys crushing boring things with their hydraulic press it's a it's a schoolyard fight at recess instead and it's it's high school drama. PC Nystead makes good videos. Everyone's fighting each other. But I just remember like in 2010, 2011, and God bless, like, you know, Corridor Digital still uploads videos and stuff like that. And they're awesome. And I look at like what the trending videos of YouTube have become. And it used to be like these like pieces of content, you know.

And now it's like i wonder what's gonna happen next so much of it is drama that if you haven't followed it from the beginning you just don't like i see those videos in suggested too where it's like top trending today and it's jake paul versus rice scum or whatever his name is and i'm just like i i don't want to watch this because i don't know who these people are and i feel like I would need to do so much research to appreciate it. And then by the end to be like, oh, that wasn't worth it. It's just a bunch of jump talkers bothering their neighbors. You mentioned KSI a couple times.

I'm pretty sure he hates me. Actually, I'm pretty sure he doesn't think about me at all. Oh, here comes more drama. Here we go. Diss track. Diss track. Guys, if this video gets 50,000 likes, Woody's going to release a diss track to ksi 50 000 likes let's do it honestly woody you're you're bound you're literally verbally bound right now this is it

like you have to do it if it gets 50 000 likes it's not gonna get 50 000 likes right no it won't get 50 000 but if it does woody's gamer tag KSI, put it in the title. Trust me. You're probably right. Who is KSI? So KSI is a British YouTuber. He's a black guy. He's really funny. And he used to make FIFA videos that – I'm sorry? Just kidding.

Continue. Oh. And he was the first guy to, like, edit it really well. He'd do these big reactions to, like, his highs and lows during the game. Anyway, way back in the day, we had him on PKA. and the episode was kind of ruined by ddosers and stuff so i invited him on like over twitter like hey do you want to come back and do it again and he was like super rude to me like like and i was like if you don't want to come on that's fine you know it was just an invitation like i thought you might want to do it you seem to want to do it before and uh like i don't even put it together but wings of redemption is treating him very rudely and it's

at a time when you might not know who was bigger like ksi or wings of redemption and uh ksi was just like tearing me a new one over twitter very publicly and all his tweets are getting like way more likes and retweets oh that's so disheartening isn't it and i'm just trying to like like i don't know like i don't even know why he's upset and and later i like i kind of get it you know like wings and i are associated together so he might be mad at me even though i did nothing but uh but yeah that's my KSI background. And then KSI blew up to be this mega YouTuber, and I'm in the doghouse with him. Well, get ready, Woody, because if Harley's right, you're going to be spitting some rhymes at KSI. This very famous, I guess, British guy.

I've laid some tracks down here and there. I can do it again. I see. I Googled it, and I just got a Keemstar tweet i i like i like googled it and i just got like a keemstar tweet that's like ksi versus woody's gamer tag ksi is not backing down from the woody manipulation are you making that up no it says that and that's uh do you do you watch do you guys watch drama alert no i don't i don't follow any of the youtube drama stuff it's so like i i i i have to like it's funny i wouldn't get into this stuff if it weren't like

my line of work but just because like it's youtube you know what i mean like i go trending every day it's like something i need to know i need need to know, like, why is this important? Why is this getting lots of exposure? What's interesting about this? So like, like to do that, like, or to get into that world of what's trending, like drama alert ends up being a focal point of, of information in this world you know and i and i can't say that i would ever be you know watching uh you know jake paul dis videos if it weren't the most watched videos on youtube you know what i mean like the summer of 2017 was literally jake paul's on youtube he he completely even now like every week it's like trending every Every YouTuber puts it in their title. Don't you like, aren't you like, well, you know, we have a show on YouTube. Aren't you like, I should look at it, see what's going on on my place of business. Yeah, just to kind of get a feel for it.

I feel like I'm using the wrong YouTube. Yeah, I use YouTube totally differently. I thought trending was gone. The way I use YouTube is I go, is I search. Like, if they suggested videos the way they used to before they changed YouTube to make it so they just suggest whatever they want you to watch, all of my suggestions were fat people falling and failing and animals fighting. That was my YouTube in 2009. animals fighting like i would go like if i if i came back like in college i would come back from the bars drunk and just in my apartment and then like wake up the next morning be like what did i do for like the next three hours go check youtube and my search history is like grizzly bear versus

black bear grizzly bear versus gorilla no orangutan versus gorilla it's not gonna find that they're in different on different continents uh orangutan versus tiger like i just tried to find good animal fighting videos there's something about those that's literally that was my youtube history 2009 like to a t i remember spending all of 2009 animals fighting i remember having a particular freak out being like yo kangaroos fucking exist they're like my height like are they is a kangaroo taller than me i'm like i gotta know this and then i'm like how many how can a lion beat up a tiger like how many lions to beat up a tiger i'm like i need to know this stuff like i spent so much time trying to find one video of a gorilla lifting a traditional weight and i cannot find it like i just want one fucking video of a gorilla lifting a traditional weight, and I cannot find it. Like, I just want one fucking video of a gorilla doing a bench press. That's it.

We have sent men to the moon, they're gonna build a wall out of solar panels on the southern border of this country, and yet we can't get a goddamn gorilla to bench press. Like, I just want to see how much it can do. 800 pounds, from what I understand. By YouTube, that's how much they can yank in, like, a door situation. This is something we've covered i've done my research my youtube is filled with people flying paramotors and operating farm equipment i don't know those are the things i like watching the guy i follow this guy ask a capper or capper or something like that i watch everything he puts up he dug a lake like two months ago and every every day I hop on my computer wondering if it got deeper.

Like, oh, did Capra get any rain? It's the most boring shit. But I can't stop. It's like you're following the drama. This guy's lake gains like three inches a week. And he has a PVC pipe so that fish can like swim. Well, someday when there's water there and you can see the progress above like fish catch and the pvc pipe and i know everyone's fast forwarding through this section right now but i am enthralled with this lake filling process and

he's got another lake next to it he takes out the wall sometimes and that lake pours into this lake and those are those are bloody i've watched the guy use remote computer remote controlled mini construction equipment to excavate a basement it's like a 10 hour video of a guy's six months and it's not time's lapsed it's not there's no no no no that's great time yeah little and it's like an entire crew that he's got bulldozers digging in making a little pile like it looks like a full-on construction yard for for ants for mice like that's awesome though it is i would watch that i i enjoy like i enjoy white noise content and something like that just going for 10 hours while i'm editing like i would genuinely

enjoy that i watched that live hole being dug like that whole weekend do you remember that where they streamed they were just digging a hole on black friday what was what were they digging for it was uh cards against humanity i believe they just had a live stream for black friday and it was for every amount being donated it was going to keep the whole digging so people were literally throwing money into a hole it went on for like 72 hours and they made like 115 000 in donations and people donated and they were like no and they're like well why not you donate and like they just like did it like a black friday and i watched that that whole stream like i chilled and it was just a

like a like a a digger like pulling dirt out of a hole and i just left it on you know put the volume a little low and just lived life then you probably know what i tried to do i didn't put enough effort into it but there was a Samsung 7 came out and the phone apparently blew up while charging it so I was like this is the greatest live stream ever I'm just gonna put a camera on this fucking phone with it plugged in and wait for

it to explode like who knows how big this could get and I couldn't find the phone they stopped selling it so that's how big it could get. Not off the ground. Do you know how many times I've watched the same guy in Vietnam get his head bitten down on by a crocodile before it starts spinning? Hundreds of times.

I don't know what it is about that video, but I get such a sick, perverse sense of glee when i see people who are poking and prodding animals that they shouldn't be poking and prodding finally get some comeuppance yeah you knew what could happen did you think this reptile was your friend like you're you got nice clothes and your little your pantaloons and shit dressed like you're clearly not a slave force to do this i always feel bad for the uh for for the animals in those scenarios, and I'm happy when they come out on top. Except when it applies to animal and dog, I do always side with dog as dog being man's best friend. And there's this excellent video where these guys, it sounds like they're in Australia, and you see this kangaroo has a dog in a chokehold. And he's choking this dog, this kang kangaroo and kangaroos have huge nails they can like slice open a dog in a second and it's holding

it in a chokehold and this guy like hops off the car and like walks over it's his dog he like walks right over to the kangaroo and the kangaroo is like holding the dog like an antenna and the dog's wiggling the dog gets out the kangaroo stands up the guy punches the kangaroo in the face and the kangaroo literally goes like and like looks around like what just happened and there i'm like that's right don't fucking touch the dog you get knocked out yeah the kangaroo's fucking with the dog and the guy comes and he's got like proper proxy form like he comes at it and the kangaroo just like all right no then you know it just yeah it never it didn't understand like it was like that kangaroo was literally got hit and he was like i know nothing about combat and he's like i'm done

like this happens to me on this show all the time because I'm consistently outnumbered. Kyle and Taylor seem to assign nearly mythological strength to any animal. Again? No, let's do it. Let's do it. Give it. Give it. Let's do it. I don't feel it.

He's like, oh, Woody, you could never fight. And then it's like a goose because he's a wild animal. Hold on. Real quick. If a goose, if you implanted into a goose's mind, Woody, that it was mad at you, you would win that fight in the end because it's a goose. But that goose is going to do a little more damage than you think. And to be fair, I never said they had mythological powers. I said they have superhuman powers.

Definitionally. Definitionally, they have superhuman powers definitionally definitionally they have superhuman powers why the hell why is that what's superhuman about a goose hold on just so you know wait my dog it's like a two pound dog he's an idiot little dumb dog superhuman smell and superhuman hearing yeah just saying they all have super saying they are they are like they're better than ours and he's a little idiot and his hearing is better and but that can be applied to lots of things like i i understand the idea of like animals can like like you know if if if it's woody versus a house cat and the house cat is filled with rage and woody's default starting position is he's sleeping there's a chance he might lose the battle. No way! No way!

If that cat goes right for your throat and you're sleeping, it gets one free hit. One free hit. And more than that, so I think sometimes Kyle and Taylor are looking to come out of this battle unscathed. I'm not. I'm just coming out the clear

victor. Me? Me against, say, a smaller deer, I will fuck up a deer. I will. I will. I can take out a deer. No, you won't. No, you won't. Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. Can we prove this battle by, like, having society and civilization?

We beat all these things already. We beat them. Hold on, Woody. Let me get the point. The pro animal. We are the alpha animal. But what you have to remember is this is hand-to-hand combat. This isn't using everything that you have as a human. This is just saying how you fight. We also weren't talking about does.

We were talking about a buck, like a smaller buck, mid-sized buck. Wait, a small buck in a regular-sized room, closed doors, no windows, Woody's naked, the buck is in there also? Put it outside. Okay, octagon, fine. Everything octagon, octagon, and you have the fighting gloves on and you got little tight shorts, and it's a young buck. I'm just curious, how are you, and even if it was just going to not move, how are you going to kill it with your bare hands? That's difficult even if it's not moving.

All I need to do is establish supremacy, right? At some point, I will take the fight out of this doe, and he's going to be looking to escape. He's going to be the... It's to the death. You have to kill this. Yeah, you can kill it. Eventually, it'll smear itself on the fence or maybe a rear naked choke. I don't know.

That's the thing. There's a video that I found just recently, another quality animal fight video, a guy who was accosted by a deer, a buck. I saw that. This was a normal-sized man. I think that happened in Canada. He's got hunting shit. Yeah, it probably did happen in Canada. And the buck just goes over to him and immediately starts with – raises up and gives him a flurry of fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, f can of soda, even if they had the dexterity to reach under the tab, they'd just rip the whole thing apart because they can't gauge their strength. That deer is

putting every punch forward as though it wants to just puncture right through you, like one of those aeration systems on a farm field. That thing, even if you win, that buck's going to fuck you up. Here's the mythological strength argument again. There's

one thing you do, and I'm honestly... So many times. I'm 99% certain this argument came up last time I was on the show, by the way. And I think I said that the ultimate strategy is

you're going to have to slowly circle the buck because it's going to keep turning and looking at you. And if you exert dominance, it's not going to attack you. It's just going to want to watch you. And you've got to keep circling it. And it will tire out before you do. And then you stomp its neck to death.

We had this doctor professor from some university of Montreal. Our show was so highbrow. All three of us were so smart. Some doctor. So dismissive. He's been with us for four hours, longer than any other podcast, and he's just some guy. I don't remember his name.

Some president. I was so proud of that show. We put it up there, and it was really well received. And here we are again talking about animal fights it's because we've returned to the meat of what they show it i i think it's i think it's funny that youtube drama was just equated to animal fights like youtube drama is the new animal fights on youtube like in 2009 i was animal fights now i'm like curious like can can

a jake paul beat up a rice gum i want to know i'm waiting for that video to come through we had a ghetto version of this youtube drama on my so like the question with the youtube drama is always are these guys just milking it for ratings and attention? Is this a real beef or what? Well, we had two guys who we had a mod from the Donald who called into my show and he got into it with this very, very aggressively liberal comedian, Asterios Kokonos, who always was always on the show, too. liberal comedian, Asterios Kokonos, who's always on the show too. And on Twitter, the Donald mod challenged the comedian to a boxing match. So those guys were trying to schedule it out to when their books were going to release, that it would be like a pay-per-view event of some sort. The Donald guy was writing a trump science fiction

novel set in the future where trump is trying to build a wall around the earth to keep out space mexicans or something like that and the comedian was trying to like get him because the comedian was just trying to get you know views out of it those guys both called in and they got so heated up that the donald mod drove from philadelphia to new york and they had a full-on uh fist fight boxing match in a in a 24-hour ufc gym at like two in the morning how did it go uh the they it was a draw because the trump mod who showed up with his cat with his his cat kin girlfriend like a girl on full-on cat ears, like meowing, hissing at everybody.

Sounds hot. Yeah. I'd hit it. He couldn't land a punch because he's dancing around like a ballerina. And Asterios, who's, I don't know, he's got to be 220. He was so pissed off at the Donald mod

that he punched himself into a heart attack. So after the second round, not really, not really, but after the second round, they were both so, the Donald Mod was so tired of getting his face rearranged, and Asterios was sweating hamburger grease that they just called it a drug. It's the ugliest two round, like no ref, so every punch is illegal. There's backhands, body slams. But two guys who didn't understand. They didn't want to be part of the YouTube beef culture.

They just really wanted to kick the shit out of each other. They hated each other so much. I've never seen a fight go through. But he had to sort of tap out from exhaustion. Yeah, he did all the damage. The other guy couldn't even hit him. Like, he couldn't even land a punch. Yeah.

It was one of those fights, and I've watched it because I listen to the Dick Show. I've never seen – you know when you watch a street fight with people who have no idea how to fight? They always hold up the boxing hands for, like, a couple minutes. You know? Like, they maintain it for a couple minutes. I saw this on TV. This is how you fight. This is how you box. here we go yeah put it up in dukes you know and but this was the fastest fight i've ever seen go from this to both people realizing uh i know

you don't know what's happening and neither do i and it just becomes haymakers and yeah the donald guy was just taking little like pokes at him and there was one point where asterios uh i don't know much about boxing but i knew enough to know this is illegal uh asterios just takes his arm and on a backswing just clocks this kid who is 40 pounds 50 pounds lighter than him like there's no way that this would be a legal fight in any ring asterios is much heavier than that dude but i didn't mind seeing him get beat up because that that cat chick was fucking awful i don't know if i've ever watched a fight like again i've never watched a replay of a boxing match but i've must i've watched this one a thousand times there's a

high-speed gif of it like just so you can watch these two guys uh oh that's fantastic i hope that happens i hope that happens with these YouTubers and the drama. I hope they all meet up on a street corner and just start fighting each other full on. Whoever monetizes it wins. You know what, Woody? If you say, if

KSI comes at you with a sick beat, you just say, hey, I'm not into that rap game. Fight me at PAX. And then because you may not know this dick years ago uh woody with or i guess what you can explain your fight me at pax uh situation if you want to i know the everybody knows so just abbreviated i'll lay it out in fast forward um there is this guy obviously jesus and he hated me. I never talked about him, never talked to him. I had never met him.

Why did he hate you? Yeah, I kind of like this guy. Yeah, he's a likable guy. His line of thinking was that because my family sometimes showed up in my vlogs, that I was exploiting them for cash. And I have a special needs son. So they're like, oh, my God, what he's exploiting this kid and and my line of thinking was like what you want me to take his kid in a closet and like not be like like be embarrassed or something like no that's not how we roll so um uh so anyway he would make these videos just like tearing me about and he attacked my

my family a lot like he attacked my son constantly like it i remember one of them he shit in a toilet wiped his ass took a picture of it and then tweeted it and said it was my son like that's the level of stuff that he would do yeah yeah so um and i would just not reply because i was like a much bigger youtuber than he was yeah like a subs and he had like he was a creator yeah yeah he had like 22 000 subs and uh he hated me so much and he put pictures of his shit up and say it was your son yeah on twitter and uh he's fucked up he called him retired he had a lot on it oh he said he was going to anally rape my daughter that was the the thing that he wrote. God. And my wife said not to leave her out. And then at one point he said that he was going to kick my ass at PAX.

And I was, I don't know if I was actively training in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and Muay Thai at the time, but I was trained up. And I was like, aha, I will finally respond. I accept. I accept. Let's do this. Let's do this. And he's like, oh, so where? Well, I have a friend who let's do this and he's like oh so where well i have a friend who's a ufc fighter and he has an octagon so uh i'm like joe can we do this can we do this and uh and he said yes and and at this point this obvious jesus guy is still accepting it

so i've arranged a time and a place and all this to happen and people start whispering in his ear like dude i don't know how you think this is gonna go but it's not gonna go like that woody will it's a very very lopsided fight you know you've totally played into what woody does well and uh and then he he backed out of it so i made a little i made a video that ended with like a self-made rap i've made a few rhymes so 99 problems and uh do you remember any of them can you do them i could find it but it pays i think uh yeah i don't remember what he's singing videos let me jump in with what he's singing videos his voice is he sing like he talks it's it's abominable the singing is and and like i like i remember like i'm i'm one of woody's friends so

of course i watched his big videos when you were releasing them and i remember watching like a couple of your like woody the slayer or whatever videos with like the montage and the reverberation that somebody added into your voice and like after like half of the video i had to like like pause it and like wait for my stomach to stop hurting. You know? It's just like, oh, oh! Like, oh, that's not good singing! Woody, I would imagine that you sing in the same voice that you speak in. Like, that's in my head.

That's what I want. I want to see that dad singing where they just speak like normal, but put... Like how Ted Cruz would do it. So I found the video. The video is called Obviously Jesus.

So it hits them on Twitter. This is a sorry excuse for a man. Hashtag TeamGamerTag. I'm such a dick. I'm not producing this episode, so I can't show the video or anything. But man, I don't know.

I don't know how to share this you know in the context of the show right now but i have to check out i have to check out this fight and now this uh video as well yeah yeah just the last 30 seconds or so is me these are my these are my it's my homework people fucking with your family online like that for no reason is so aggravating. Like, you got robbed of a really sad... There was this dude, like, my show has this huge feud, ongoing feud with Maddox, and it continues. We're in the trademark opposition stage now. But he's got these...

Maddox has this network of total shitbags. Like, shit content, shit podcasts, and guys who are just complete assholes that will have entire episodes dedicated to everybody in my family going down through them and like saying how they're shit they're like doing shit like going like you know my girlfriend's a teacher and they're going into like how how awful they think she looks and all this horrible stuff about her like making up fake can i get it on this am i allowed to have a feud with maddox oh yeah that guy he looks like mitch mcconnell to me dude it was it was so out of line but the day the guy one

of these guys fucked up enough and uh he got his i think he got his youtube and his patreon shut down and it was the best like just this this This piece of shit losing 800 bucks a month Like out of like because you can't you can't hit every you just want and you wake up every day and you want to plant Your fist through their head wasn't that that got his channel and patreon. I Don't know abuse her at like they don't tell you I asked them and they don't tell you why they shut stuff down But I think like having shows purely dedicated to Going like people's real fucking names pictures of them like saying where they work going into like great detail about

I Guess they don't they don't like that. They don't like that a patreon. I had a similar experience I it was Keemstar said Keemstar doesn't really talk about me anymore but he used to make up stuff about me constantly and and like the worst part about it is he'd do like three things that were false and one thing that was true and then like he'd have proof of the true thing and people would think the other stuff was bad and i always wished i got the same treatment other people got like because when he does drama usually just like reads tweets poorly and shit like that i'm like man you know why doesn't he oh yeah keep stars drama alert anyway there was a day it would have otherwise

been a terrible day i had six thousand dollars worth of chargebacks at woody craft like someone had just sort of ran up a bunch of stuff and it doesn't wash out because like every charge back would cost me like 35 so it wasn't like i broke even like the money came and went i'm out like thousands and uh uh it was the same day i think keemstar lost his channel i was so happy like i was still fine i was like net net what do you mean lost his channel yeah so i i i hope i had my facts right i might not i'll put that out there but my understanding is team star like a long time ago bought a network you know the type thing like something and um is woody quiet yeah i can't hear you woody shucks i'm sorry uh no you came back you're louder now that's better okay well all right all right so anyway keemstar had a network

and then his fatal flaw if i have the story right was that he charged people to join it you know how like people would get with machinima or yaust or whatever i don't know whatever's big um broadband and uh you're not allowed to bill them to let you in but people were kind of like hey for 50 they could have like a different style page you know they could make thumbnails that used to be a thing that only partners could do and uh but youtube found out he was charging and suddenly he was like banned off of YouTube for life so he would make a new channel and then that one would get banned he'd make a new channel and that would get banned and each of these channels would get some momentum like they'd get up to like 60,000 150,000 subscribers and then he'd start again from zero and uh I think it was just one of those

iterations that happened on that day so he didn't't do anything in the moment that would get him banned. It was because at the time he was permabanned from YouTube, but they've since let that go. I never actually had a personally bad or personal encounter with Keemstar myself. Yeah, no, he's not my fan. He doesn't like it. Keemstar myself. He's not my fan. How do you get so many enemies, Woody? You seem like such a nice guy. Except for that crack about Dr. Jordan Peterson,

the preeminent scholar. He deserves more respect. No, Dick, you don't understand. We had some science guy on for four hours. If he were the biggest thing on youtube right now yeah if he were the biggest thing on youtube right now it might be worthwhile but he's no bill nye who's gonna propagandize to children with ice cream animations or whatever the fuck he's doing on on netflix um and speaking of which we can get back to

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them right to your door. And there's no risk. If you ever try a snack you don't like, don't eat it. Naturebox will replace it for free. And right now, you'll save even more. Naturebox is offering PKA fans three free snacks with your first order when you go to naturebox.com slash PKA. That's naturebox.com slash Pka for three free snacks i recommend the cheddar cheese chips uh and yeah naturebox.com slash pka check them out i always go for the salty stuff so if you're more of a sweet fiend oh you know maybe a little naughty then you can go for that too but they're great i uh recommend it highly and there's nothing better than free i went and checked out the copy to see if all the ad lib recommendations he were doing were in the copy, but they're not.

That's genuinely Taylor's recommendation. It is. It is. I take this seriously. You know, everybody out there knows Kyle usually does the ad reads. Well, there's a new sheriff in town. We're going to knock him out of the park so well this week that the advertisers are going to write back and go, please, please keep that bearded idiot reading it for us.

Please, please don't go back to that other guy. There's a new shill in town. We used to read Audible ads, and them encouraging us to get our own products to do testimonials was the biggest mistake. I was like, yeah, i just went i was like yeah audible okay get an account straight to the erotica section let's find the weirdest so every time i read an audible ad it was milked at her uncle's farm volume volume one volume two let's hear it that that i remember listening to those and you doing it and it made me a audible happens to be a sponsor this week so that's great book right here i can read you a passage

milked at her mother's farm oh man what a so you got a physical book i have it yeah somebody a dick had sent me a copy of the actual book so I don't have to listen to the woman reading it. And it's milked at my mother's farm. Milked at her uncle's farm. It's not gross. It's her uncle. Oh, they're related. Yeah, that's... That's an upsetting... I would never let that grace my bookshelf

where someone could read it. I already have the shit test of having Dick's book, Men Are Better Than Women out sometimes when a new girl comes over just to see because you can always tell the cool ones because they'll look at it and go and they'll pick it up and go yeah that's pretty true and then they'll close

it and they don't fucking care but you can tell the uncool ones because they'll immediately open it and take it as seriously as can be. Do you really think that women pick out shoes and they care about them more than their children? What do you drop off there? Sorry, go ahead. Wow, is my audio back?

There it is, yeah. Did you lay out the premise of this book for Harley? Oh, Men Are Better Than Women? I mean, I feel like the title, I feel like this is the only book where you can really judge it by its cover. It's literally a picture of a man with a greater than sign than a picture of a woman. Yeah, actually, I went on a little Google tear before the show.

And Googled right before and, like, the book came up. And I saw the Dr. Phil thing. I was like, oh, this guy. This guy. And then I went. and it's so crazy you're saying like before like you would uh like brought up the feud like it's actually like a lot of what comes up when i googled you you know yeah and uh full disclosure i actually i i i uh i met george before and he was nice to me and i used to read his website like crazy back in the day but the one thing i found

out that when i i googled is that uh that the popular opinion was that I have to check out the show you had done with him and now continue to check out the show you do now. And that was like from a Reddit AMA you had done not too long ago. And it's interesting. Myself, I actually went with Epic Mealtime. I had a whole trademark dispute and everything in the early ages of the what happened i need some advice on trademark disputes what happened yeah the number one tip is don't get into it okay but actually what's the number two tip it's cool because like i can talk about it i could talk about it now because the guy that I had the dispute with and that we used to have bad blood over it, it was seven years ago.

So now we've kind of squashed that and we have mutual friends and we see each other. We've hung out a couple times. But ultimately, it was we did something. It got very popular. And I was the face of it. And I did a lot of, you know, I did the filming and the editing and the producing. And he was the designer. He came up with the logo for Epic Mealtime.

And we just moving ahead when it came down to making an agreement, there was a dispute because I felt like because I was physically present, I felt like I had the right to more power because we would be deciding my fate. Whereas if the whole thing messed up, nobody would even know who he was. So like, I felt like the, it wouldn't be fair if it was just 50, 50. So I wanted more decision-making, not money, even just decision-making. And, uh, it just led into a dispute that, you know, ended up being like two years and it was, uh, you know, resulted in, uh, um, just basically being settled. Uh, and ultimately like, uh, when you get into, when I got into it, at least I never wanted to be in business or deal with lawyers or anything. It was strictly creative to create something.

And it's like the worst thing is is that like once you like bring lawyers into the game, you take away the humanity of the discussion. Oh, yeah. the humanity of the discussion. And if I could go back, I think, and I was, I'm a really, really, really difficult person to argue with. And like, if I could go back in time, I'll probably approach things in a way that it wasn't so lawyery or even when at a certain point, I would probably want to swallow my pride and approach it so that it's not

so lawyery because the humanity comes out and it, it, it, and with that, you like are left with the lawyer's choices. And these two lawyers will go to expensive dinners and discuss what they'll do with their clients while you guys are both paying for that. Right.

And maybe one at the end of it, maybe this person pays for it or that person pays for it or you both pay for it. But like, it's something where it's like, if there's any way, any way it can be approached off the record and spoken about, then that's the best way to do it. And sometimes there's just no, no way that could happen, you know? And I actually, I don't know much about your scenario, but like, well, it sounds like I'm the other guy in your situation. Yeah, I read that into that as well when I was reading about it.

I was like, oh, interesting. It's like I related more. But Dick's not the logo designer much more than that in the context of it. Well, yeah. No, no, no. I mean, I was just saying that I was the nobody in the relationship, I guess you'd call it. But it's still, it was a podcast, so it takes a lot of, a tremendous amount of effort from both sides. In this case, I don't even think anyone would have thought of it again, except Maddox filed for the trademark as he was the owner.

Then he had to refile it again because that was fraudulent, they determined. So he had to refile again. It's just something brand new that he's starting. And the only reason I'm pursuing it is because a listener happens to be a trademark attorney. And he was like, hey, that's bullshit. You want me to help you out? Like, yes, dude, I do. Yeah, go ahead.

I have a question. The trademark was for, as I understand, the name of the show you guys did together? Yeah, yeah. It was for the biggest problem as a podcast. So I thought, oh, so what, he's just taking this and doing it with somebody else? That kind of sucks, but, you know. Well, so he wants to continue doing the show under that name? Yeah, that's what I assume. he wants to continue doing the show under that name. Yeah. Well,

that's what I assume. And you feel like you started with him. So like, if he's just going to trademark it and own it, like there should be something in that for you to an extent. Right. Yeah. In some regard.

Yeah. Okay. I understand that. Yeah. Sorry. I didn't mean to derail the podcast with this legal shit. No, I,

I actually, I personally, I, I, I think I would find this interesting. Cause when I was reading about you, uh, you know,

it was one of the first things that came up and like a lot of people were talking about it on Google. So I just figured it's it, maybe it is an interesting thing. So I apologize if, if, if it isn't, uh,

an interesting thing, but I, I find it curious. I, I, I'm just like a little curious. Cause, uh, I guess you got to't an interesting thing, but I find it curious. I'm just like a little curious because I guess you got to ask yourself like it'll cost money to pursue what you want from it. Will that – what you pay to pursue this, what you get from it in the end, will it be worth what you paid to get it? I got a number in my head where it will stop being worth it and when i get to that i'll stop but until i get there yeah are you imagining that that maddox probably has a number in his head as well about this and that you're yeah exactly

and that number is going to be lower than yours And so it's kind of a war of attrition. But what's like once you have like, I mean, I guess you feel you have the right to like, I guess like half ownership of that, right? Because you guys started that podcast together. Right. You never made an agreement? You guys never made a... There was no signed contract or anything like that. There is a volume of emails going back for six years,

talking about how we're starting this and splitting profits and work and stuff like that. I don't know what that, any of that means. Do you have, do you have a single email or text message or anything? Cause like, for example, like in example like in in my scenario

every case like because it's not only one uh like time i've been sued i've been sued actually multiple times yeah um it's uh in every case like like show it like if you have something to show it goes such a long way like i've had like know, I had a specific percentage number stated in emails and I've had things where I said like, you know, I stated something a particular way in an email and it went the whole way of saving or proving a point. So if you have somewhere where it's like, yeah, man, we're in on this 50-50. Interesting. That's all you need. Okay.

Like that's all you need. In in my case it was me and the guy uh my buddy his name's sterling now he actually has a youtube channel and i i have no bad blood with him to the point that i would say his youtube channel is called stat he's going to be like uh uh uh under uh pub g uh pro gamer i guess he's going to like a competition but we had signed a document together that was just the the uh incorporation of the company so it was just a document that we were on together so we were automatically that was the only documentation it was half half if you have like any sort of like document that you guys signed incorporating something or whatever or anything like that like that's just you know that's that stuff goes a long way i'm curious what you're looking for like would you

just like him not to name the show that are you looking for like half his future revenues um i'd be fine with not naming the show that okay you know that's fine that seems kind of fairish i don't know yeah and i and I mean, there's not, doesn't seem like there's a lot to be had from the future revenue thing. Even if you, if, like, I mean, the show still gets money, right? Doesn't it? Yeah, the

bonus episodes were, in fact, still selling before he started just giving them away. So. And you guys have brands in there with, like, affiliate links, no? affiliate links no yep so like there is like money that dick skipped over something there that is really important to this that you were selling bonus episodes obviously yeah and you got you know half of that money i assume yeah without any agreement from dick maddox went in after the show broke up and just made all the bonus episodes free so it's

basically like going in and being like all right i unilaterally am deciding that neither one of us are making money from this anymore yeah you know it was a joint venture it's more of i don't know at some point like shit like this becomes more about uh principle and it being public than about money um because people in my experience people like that behave like that with everyone they work with and until somebody stops them and i genuinely feel like all the fan support that came after that obliges me to do something about it like it wasn't just a show that we had it was a show that everyone had. And what's happening with the trademark is wrong,

so I'm taking the goodwill and the money, and I'm doing what I think people would want to be done with it. If that's wrong, both will dry up. But until they do, I think it's a lot more than money at this point

until the end it's spectacular pr for the yeah it's great it's great story i guess money like for myself when i was going through it i uh i had never looked at the epic mealtime bank account yeah ever i never looked at it and even when going through that i never looked at it like i have a business partner who handled all of that. I was just like, handle it. Make sure nobody fucks this up. And I need to figure out how to make the best show next week. And it was just about the show.

And it was just like my whole point was like no one is going to fuck with my shit. And this is my shit. And I would assume that you have like an element of like that's my shit. Like I helped create that. that you have like an element of like that that's my shit like i helped create that so you have that attachment and then you have this audience of people that are like that's your shit like that's not right you know and so it's like the the perfect storm of things that like uh it kind of goes back to like the drama thing i mean you know uh people people love drama they they really do like i mean there might be like uh people that bounce back and forth between your podcast and maddox's to just

be like i wonder if some shit's going to be said yeah i don't know it's it's actually like it's a it's a crazy scenario to be in and i i i wish you to have a short one and one that you are happy with the results in the end. Myself looking back now, I don't regret anything. I was happy standing up for the things that I wanted to stand up for, but I'm also happy now that I don't have an enemy out there. It's kind of like that's also a shitty feeling in itself. This is more stressful than people realize. Is my mic okay? Yeah. It's kind of like that's also a shitty feeling in itself. When you're like this, you're like stressful. People realize is my mic OK? Yeah.

So I started Woody Craft. It's a Minecraft server. I don't know if you guys know anything about it, but it was really successful. And I knew all about it. so uh anyway um uh it my partner i think at the time i didn't realize how important he was he it was his idea to sort of start it it was his idea to kind of like make it a thing and um uh but when it came time to actually run it and grow it and do the work, that wasn't his cup of tea. He was more of an idea man. And I was sort of the guy who grinded away, the doer.

And he started as the doer. That was going to be his role. He had more experience with the hands-on at this stuff. And my standards were really high. Like, like no i want it to never be done i want it to always be this i want everyone to microphone and your video that your standards are high are they not good i can't no they're good we're getting woody live from a lakinta inn in la jolla yeah so uh i just wanted it to be really really great and um that he wasn't really didn't have the same passion so it was i and i ended up buying out his part of it it was so stressful for me like i barely ate i think i was talking earlier i lost like 14 pounds in two days it was all i

thought about i couldn't sleep um two days do you lose a foot did i say two days. It was all I thought about. I couldn't sleep. Two days. Do you lose a foot? Did I say two days? I meant two weeks. I lost a pound a day. You lost two weeks in two days, too. Anyway, it ate me up. It was how I imagined an actual divorce to be. It was a really, really, really unpleasant experience for me. And I feel like both you guys went through something just as intense. Yeah. Way to take these really serious lawsuits and compare it to your Minecraft server. I'm kidding.

I'm kidding. I'm kidding. You know what, Harley? Your lawsuit reminds me of this time this little douche tried to order diamond armor and his mom's card got declined. It's like. It's funny. So. See, the trick to avoiding all of this is to just not become successful.

Just stay in my lane. Stay in your lane. Of just no relevance. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. Hey, did you hear that about taylor no nobody cares nobody cares nobody fucking cares it's actually like it's it's it's it's genuinely like it it's something that was told to me early on and i really truly believe it just seeing through other people's experience that like it is a sign of success if people

start coming for you or you you find yourself in these scenarios at a certain point it could be just be bad business but you know if if it's worth it for people or something to fight over then you know you're doing something right or you're a part of something special that's what i've learned from trump and how much he's attacked so viciously he's like yeah yeah i get it he had he had to be i mean you're you're i guess you're like almost getting as much hate as Trump, right? Yeah. Remember, like right after the MSNBC and NBC and all the news stations finished their Trump hate hour, they go right on to Dick Masterson. Yeah.

That's what I got to shoot for. I get it now. I'd love to see you do another thing where you go on to – have you ever considered going back on a show like Tyra or or are you are you just totally blackballed like is that is that out of the the question from a show like that oh i i think black i think blackballed yeah they get that it was a joke and they got had and they don't want to have anything to do with me anymore there's got to be people like enough sense of humor about it i wish they'd be like you know what there was this one time this guy came on. He pretended he hated women.

Let's reminisce. It's enough. Time has passed enough that it seems like a new show would come around where they're like, hey, this episode got good ratings or whatever they think. Let's bring him back on this time knowing that he's like, yeah, I'll do it again. It's fun. I love it. Like wrestling makes billions of dollars doing this. Come on. Join the party, guys.

Talk shows. Can you imagine sitting across? Say whatever. You could just be sitting across from that chuckle fuck, Jimmy Fallon, saying ridiculous things, and he'll have to just sit there and go, uh-huh, uh-huh, you hate women, you hate women, me too, me too. Because he agrees with everything everyone says. Yeah.

That would be great I love that You watch those didn't you Harley of dick on the on the Tyra and the and the I watched the doctor I watched dr. Phil ones. That's the better one because Tyra is not smart enough that you don't trust that you ever really had her No, she kind of hit on me. It's cuz she was attracted to me that's why oh yeah this is this is a bombshell i've never talked about this before on the commercial on the i'm 100 serious on the commercial break i buy it i believe it i went out there and i sat you know they have she's got that little half circle of a couch and i kind of sat in there and did my man spreading

before it was called man spreading like this was just how a man sat back in the back in the 2008s uh i sit in there and i've got the glasses on and she goes um a producer came and she's here you're gonna wear those those glasses and i was like uh yeah man that's what i that's kind of what i do that's my thing i wear these glasses and he goes oh uh okay so Tyra Tyra leans over she goes oh um why don't you take take those glasses off for a second and I took them off like I gave her the old the little like uh glasses down a little bit looking at it she goes oh wow you have real you have real pretty eyes why don't you why don't you take them off I was like okay okay all right all right and then the producer came over

right after that and he goes, hey, can you move away from Tyra, please? You're sitting too close. We need you to sit all the way around and she needs an entire couch for herself. And I was like, okay. So what I got out of that is that she's attracted to me. I mean, how could you not?

Yeah. It's just so funny. We once had a guest on here who claimed he fucked Katie Couric Ryan twin 20 wow I didn't even know that oh yeah yeah he told lies all night long he fucked his cousin

too apparently that one we latched on and assumed it was true yeah I mean I would rather go with the Katie Couric lie than the cousin lie i don't see the episode i i people should re-watch that one it was so we had this guest and he did like i all week long i collect topics and he did this youtube thing where he said hey just call me if you need anyone to talk to just call doesn't matter if you're feeling up down whatever so i'm like i'm gonna keep this fuck this phone number we're gonna call him during the show so we do we call him up and like he just gets to

like at first we thought he was cool for like i don't know five minutes or so but then he gets into this like homophobic stuff and he's got some racist stuff going on and then he's like sleeping with his cousin and kyle is playing this guy like a stringed instrument you know just like more out of him more yeah more out of him and more out of him and uh eventually we hung up we all burst into laughter and he hated me he was he very much hated me and he would upload videos uh of him just like looking into the camera and breathing through his nose like this like i was supposed to be intimidated by that it was the greatest uh i i imagined him doing that watching this podcast right now staring at you on his computer screen doing that right now watch this just i forgot he said that he had won the lottery that he was a multi-millionaire but

chose to be homeless like there was a lot of stuff in there i could have any woman i want but i love katie couric you can't convince me otherwise her and my cousin it's quality i hope it was her i think i'm not really a name guy but yeah i think it was katie couric he was fantastic yeah i i don't i wasn't on for that episode well that that sounds interesting i haven't heard of him since ryan twin but what do you better hope all these enemies ears don't team up uh i'll tell them the same thing i tell everyone else bring it here i'm not hard to find you actually better hope that they all team up against you because drama is hot these days on youtube so there you go be good like yeah if you just you should just go out there honestly woody just start taking

shots at everyone just go make ultimate diss track on everyone woody verse the world like and just go one by one you know put some money behind to get a real rapper to come write your verses for you and and school you through it make a sick video and and if this is a youtube civil war because that's what they keep calling it like youtube civil war because it's these two like powerhouses of people well if you do that woody then you get to be thanos in the youtube civil war and that'd be pretty cool so i'm just saying think about it man you should take shots at everyone go all out this is what it's like to be in the presence of genius, right? Harley is tossing out ideas that are amazing.

Harley just told you antagonize people on the internet. And then you go, this is what it's like to be in the presence of a god. It's strategic antagonizing. It's strategic antagonizing. And I feel like I don't want to harass some dude with six followers. I knew the game this well. There was a time where it was like, oh, here's how you succeed on YouTube. And I hardly just laying it out there.

Like, it's simple. I think part of the reason that you'd get the most hate when we had guests on that didn't go swimmingly is because Kyle and I are clearly younger. And so it's almost like they leave and they think who was holding the reins on that whole thing you know what it was woody it's on his channel he's probably controlling shit he could have edited that out and he did it so that's probably the reason why at least actually here's some perfect insight woody did you ever dislike me no you never ever disliked me ever dislike me no you never ever disliked me i don't think so do you know something did you ever dislike anyone from epic mealtime that you had met i don't think so because i i specifically remember after the multiple times meeting you we would leave and we would have like a download of

the people that we were with and stuff like that and it was very like what's with woody what's his problem like i can't tell if you're serious a hundred percent i'm being serious with you and and i would say that like one of my abilities is like people analyst and like i i get i get like you know i i feel like i have like just insight sometimes and like when i i left those scenarios as a person who's pretty good at it and i'm telling them like no no no he's just that he i don't think he hated you i don't think he was mad at us or anything like that i think you're just making that up a part of me was like i wonder if he he doesn't like me or if he's if he's mad about something and so if people think

that you're mad at them and they don't get exposed to you often and learn that that's kind of just how you are you automatically build a resentment so people sit down and have like a two hour three hour encounter with you and they don't know you fully and they're like i don't know if he really liked me i wonder why he didn't like me this is blowing me away never in that life like i like every this is this is 100 true that what exactly what you just said where we had a two or three hour conference like the last time i left i know i was shit faced i was like oh man i like i felt like i disappointed woody i was like i thought, man. I felt like I disappointed Woody. I thought we had a good time, but I still remember. I thought we had a good time.

Me too, but I remember your face, Woody, specifically giving this look. And it probably wasn't even about me, but I remember that face and just kind of feeling bad. It's actually true, and that's why before when we were going we couldn't get woody's camera loading i was like it's important to me to see woody's face i take cues from his looks he like he literally said that yeah i did it's actually true like that's like it's it's a thing so i think uh it's uh people all fucking with me no i swear i swear it's it's you but but it's not really you. They don't really hate you. They're just

defensive because they think that you hate them. I was pretty sure you thought maybe you were better than me or you were better than, you know, and that's just the vibe you gave. I think this is like the time we got Kyle to do all those bench presses.

Oh, yeah. When we convinced Kyle to work out on the show so we could make fun of him. like the time we got kyle to do all those bench presses you know do you remember oh yeah when we convinced kyle to like work out on the show so we can make his form was wrong oh yeah no yeah i don't know why he agreed but like this what you're talking about harley dick experienced this to a t last episode because i remember doing the episode because i was excited i'm like oh fuck yeah i love dick show i'm gonna have him on chat laugh was a great one. I ended the call and was just like, that was great. People are going to love Dick. And then I listened to your show the next week expecting to hear like, hey, I was

on the PKA podcast. Check that out. We had a good time. And you were like, do you guys ever wake up the next morning after getting drunk and have no idea what you did and feel guilty? Well, I went on a larger podcast and I think I did that. I think I did that. And I was like, oh no, you killed did and feel guilty well i went on a i went on a larger podcast and i think i did that i think i did that and i was like oh no you killed it you're feeling bad

yeah well that was that was also because i lied about knowing uh who kyle was oh i was so excited about that because i brought it up like the question was asked during so basically last episode obviously dick knows who fps russia is but he didn't notice that that's who kyle was and so in the middle of the episode i think one of us said uh i brought up fps russia out of nowhere like apropos of nothing for no reason because i'm drinking i was like oh man that guy was so fucking awesome i'll just inject it into this conversation so i have something to say and i think you said oh you know kyle's every expression I heard the words coming out of my mouth before I could stop like yes You obviously didn't know and now suddenly it's now suddenly

you know how many people are gonna listen to this and know you're lying. Because it's always a significant amount of people can tell you're lying on the internet. Two or three guys, you're sitting at a table with six people. You can pull out a lie and then you go one by one. Who's going to fucking challenge it? Nobody. Sink that down. But 50,000, 100,000 people hear it.

They all know you're lying. 50,000, 100,000 people hear it, they all know you're lying. Dude, you know, I am already a little nervous about how many people are going to agree with you guys on the, like, Woody gives off the you're an asshole vibe all the time. They're going to accept that it's true. What did you say about Dr. Jordan Peterson? They're all, like, I. More like asshole Jordan Peterson, am am i right you know what moving forward all you need to do is do everything that is exactly the same but make sure you remember

at one point to look at whoever you're with and be like you know i'm really happy to be sharing this moment with you by the way if you just say that people will be like oh i'm reading it wrong he's not that was all me. I'm the asshole. I've worked in many companies with different departments. People didn't get that vibe. As far as you know. No. But I'm a likable person, I swear.

People like me. Oh, we're all likable enough. I can't wait until next week. Likable enough. That's how they described Hillary Clinton. Well, she wasn't likable enough. You likable enough yeah popular vote like just saying it's always you know what i appreciate you and i think your perspective has value just say that i think harley's right that won't make future guests wildly uncomfortable at all they'll probably

be like whoa i thought you hated me. Good to know. Or it'll come across as extremely condescending. They'll go, what the fuck? Right to my face? Can we not talk anymore? Speaking of Jordan Peterson, do you know who that is, Harley? No? Well, he is, Dick, it sounds like you know who that is harley no well uh he is dick it sounds like you know who he is that uh the the social psychologist i guess who has so many theories about personality

differences was he last week's podcast yeah he was our guest last week oh yeah i was watching i was watching that actually yeah he like that was the first first of all was the first podcast i think me kyle and woody all beforehand were like all right we're not gonna be talking about which animal would win in a fight 30 minutes in we will not be talking about the most attractive kind of pussy lips 30 minutes in we are gonna ask as many questions as possible and keep this guy talking and i think we did swimmingly but it was like it was the first podcast i've ever done where i after it wrapped i'm like i'm gonna have to re-listen to that because i don't feel like i internalized half of his little lessons

and tidbits like he there is something about that dude and i can tell dick at least somewhat agrees that's just like inspiring like his like not really give a fuck. You know, clean your room, eh? Who are you to tell other people how they should live if you haven't even cleaned your room? We're both from Montreal. Oh, you're both from Montreal. He's Irish in this accent, I'm pretty sure. Yeah. Clean your room.

What are you thinking? You know, that kind of shit. So you've watched this stuff, Dick? Yeah, yeah, of course yeah yeah i mean i don't everything's so polarized anymore i don't think you could get away right up your alley of like yeah masculinity of that kind of shit yeah yeah i'm glad i'm glad he exists i like all this stuff uh i hope he reaches more people it sounds like he's doing a pretty good job yeah his Patreon is huge.

I wonder how big it really is. Do you guys have a Patreon? Does anyone here have a Patreon? Dick has an enormous Patreon. Dick has one. I do. Yeah, I love it. Yeah.

But that number you see on there is not what people get. Yeah. Yeah, it is. What? Yeah. Oh, the number that mine shows is the number that goes about into the there's like uh there's some kind of there's some amount of fall off for like fraudulent cards or yeah they get denied but it's mostly that the fees are are not included in that

number oh she says i'm out of date okay well damn uh that guy that you added a guest actually is making almost 50 000 a month for his his uh 55 i thought when i saw yeah that's that's wild that's actually awesome those sites are so awesome yeah now they've got a patreon keep them alive yeah have you guys heard about that? Patreon? It's like Patreon for people who are afraid that their page will get taken down. Dude, that is a real fear. I got a letter that said, this is not a warning, but we've heard you talking about your feud, and it seems like most of the fire is coming from you. Like, well, it sounds like a fucking warning to me like i don't this is a this is a sick feeling that i have right now that you guys can take

so much money away from me whenever like where's the court that i can have who's the person who's the person i have to find if this happens to me that you take this away i don't even know if i can say that and like oh oh like this this arcane uh terms of service that they got where you know i'm not good at those i've been kicked off of every host on the internet back in the day but yeah it's a it's a real fear listen and fear you're a a successful patreon on that page right yeah that that benefits them at the end of the day it does like you do have a lot of power and leverage in that scenario to not be so worried and like i think you know it's deserving that they should at least give you a contact of a person when you get something like that because it's it's your life it's your whole life basically you know what

i mean it's like same like with me and youtube like uh when when the those times when like you know the ad revenue fucks up it's like okay wish i knew that this was going to happen that you know something that you count on to talk weekly can just be stripped away because you put all your you know you put your eggs in like someone else's basket it's pretty freaky but you're you you do so well on the site i feel like they wouldn't be so quick to just take it away and piss off however many you know patrons you have you know it's the fear like it's the same fear that that i've got on twitter too it's like it changes the way you think and react subtly it has like that chilling effect on how you react to things and it makes it tones down the volume on everything and in my opinion makes it worse and especially

on the internet it sucks like every time a big name gets banned from twitter and they're all on it seems to me like they're all on the right uh but it doesn't matter what side they're on like every time somebody gets their voice silenced it like i can feel reacting differently from then on just being worried about it uh and it happens more and more where you just like because it's always the accounts that on twitter at least like the the craziest ones and you're right they are always on the right that get banned at least like the the craziest ones and you're right they are always on the right that get banned and a lot of the times they are bananas like uh sam hide who had a show that got canceled off adult swim he had a twitter and he's very alt rightish and also

just kind of like a weird ether kind of guy he tweeted shit that like even as i was reading it i'm like oh like that's horrible like that that's genuinely like anti-semitic or something like you know like the the the bar for racism and sexism is so low now that when you do stumble upon a genuinely bigoted statement it almost catches you by surprise where you're like oh my wow okay all right i guess this actually is still out there but yeah it is always people on the right that Twitter or Facebook are tearing down

I feel like I gotta say, I don't think Sam Hyde is racist or bigoted, I think he is Jewish and he's also like an extreme comedian but I know what you're saying I totally agree I don't think he is either, I don't know if he's Jewish or not but he I don't know, his old Twitter was a fucking but uh he's he i don't know his old twitter was it was

a fucking hoot and and that was a shame when he got taken down it was a shame man they they i feel like the whole internet's getting gentrified and it fucking sucks yeah what do you mean by gentrified like too many white people yeah white people moving into the internet is that what you're saying they ruin people twitter hipsters come in all races um it's like the gentrified you know when a neighborhood gets gentrified it's just more appealing to drive through uh everything just because it has like nicer homes and better businesses and job opportunities yeah but it's also, yeah, it's the, yes, I would prefer to live in a gentrified neighborhood, but the internet didn't need that. Like, it's not, it's not physically dangerous. So, I don't think the, it's a bad analogy just because, you know, you have to, you physically have to live in a neighborhood.

It's great when it gets gentrified, but internet you don't actually live on it just a place where people have ideas and the yeah ideas are getting cleaned i i i think i know what you mean but like uh like some things like almost need cleaning and those places need cleaning because then they make the other places special in a way like i don't i understand facebook gets so popular and so huge that it becomes like you know like same with youtube like it they start to do this cleaning because it's like mainstream myself personally as an individual like when i came in onto the scene i was like yo fuck this what fuck well i drink and shit but like after a couple of deals come through of companies that want to work and then they'll be like oh we did it because of this specific post where i was just like yo this is me suck my dick like that specific post cost

me something where i was like oh i should put some thought behind what i'm writing there's so much dumb shit posted as status updates on Facebook that like, you know, between sharing articles or whatever that I'm happy, like Facebook would come in and like clean some of that shit, you know, cause there's, there's so many people that spend, they don't live on Facebook, but they technically almost live on Facebook that I can understand that YouTube as well, but that's okay. Cause then, you know, at least we assume that we'll always have our parts of the internet where there are no, you know, rules or anything like that. Like, I mean, I, as much as I find Reddit has changed in this, you know,

the 10 years that I use it, it still is a pretty like solid place in terms of like not being gentrified as you said you know what i mean i feel like it's not so much um to me when things need clean i really about what are you waking up wait i don't get back gentrify that microphone yeah wait wait bring it bring it back you we missed that everything you said there it's not the mic i think it's the whole internet connection, but anyway, it's about the bullying. That's where I don't like it. Right. That Milo didn't get banned for saying that he loves Trump. Milo got banned for saying this woman is fat and ugly. And you know,

it's, it'd be fun to pick on her. That's the thing that I do kind of like when people use their math their massive platform to hurt someone that's when i think facebook or twitter or whatever might be on target with saying hey no don't do that to people that's fucked up and by the way if i own that company i'm kind of cautious about that sort of thing one maybe i'm you know liable for it two maybe it's my fuck maybe it's what shit we're never gonna know maybe it's what maybe it's what maybe it makes my platform worse when people use it to bully right if facebook becomes a place where people just get abused all the time people will move to whatever's next if uh if twitter is just a place where you go and you feel bad people might just you know compartmentalize that and throw it away

if that's what your platform becomes about then your platform's getting ruined it's hard for me to go ahead sorry like uh i i if i recall correctly i think Milo wasn't going after some random fat girl. I think he was going after a Ghostbusters actress who also has tons of followers and is famous in her own right. So I do think there is a difference between going after

another star. And she was antagonizing him. And she was antagonizing him. They were in a tiff. It wasn't like a fuck you, you Ghostbusters bitch. It was back and forth, if I remember right. And it seems Dick does. But if he were just harassing some random ass girl who just posted a gym pic, like, working on getting in shape.

And he was like, oh, that's absolutely dreadful. You're a fat ham, darling. Or whatever the fuck he would say. That would be shitty. But this two stars. Yeah, he has done that. You stars. Yeah, he has done that. You know what? It's coming full circle.

I think it was still – I think it was shitty regardless. It doesn't matter who her following is or how many people. Like it's just – you know, like as we know personally, they're just people. Like it's just a person. So it would be too – it would be terrible to like be like, oh, she can handle it. She probably has lots of movie money and look at all her followers why why would she complain you know i i think it's like it's it's listen it's it's freedom of speech you could say whatever you want i can go outside and i could say whatever i want but some things have consequences and there's just consequences to some of the

things that were said and it's it's almost a moot point because i'm sure if he can go back in time i don't think he would change it i I think he would still get banned on Twitter. It's how, you know, a lot of people heard about him. So, I mean, like, it's almost like to Twitter's demise, it's almost like being banned by Twitter is like the new, like, you know, getting shot at as a rapper from the 90s. It was like entry. That's funny. I don't know i think without twitter where are you how edgy are you it's like oh he got banned off twitter what people protest where he goes oh my god i need to hear everything he has to say since people hate it so much yeah now fox news isn't having him cbs isn't having him on and on and on but it doesn't matter he right? He doesn't have a platform.

It does. Where is Milo? Milo used to be in my... Doesn't he have a YouTube channel? I don't know. But it's a big part of his voice that's been silenced. And that's... It's a real thing.

Like, it's... Yeah. It's a real thing that the way we lean, I think, collectively, what I don't like is how people will aggressively defend these gigantic advertising corporations like Facebook and Twitter. Everyone has a theory on why it's good for their bottom line to be silencing people instead of providing, which they could do, ample tools to protect yourself on these platforms but the the point that i think it's missed is that these companies are selling us to advertisers that's all they that's the only reason they they don't they don't exist to protect us at all they just exist to warp our brains like they're at no point and they're not and in the case of twitter they're not terribly good at it because they're losing like point and they're not and in the case of twitter they're not terribly

good at it because they're losing like a half a billion dollars every year and their stock price keeps plummeting uh facebook is very good at it google is very good at it but everything they do to me if they're servicing a bottom line it's to make it better and more effective for advertisers to take our money um but you started to counter my argument and then i think you supported it in the end you know the thing i was saying was hey this isn't a very good place to be if it's an abusive hard place to be and then you came around and said hey this whole thing exists just to sell ads and you're right but that's that's their motivation right they don't want their place to be a cesspool of hate or it will die.

It just seems that they're often very selective in their removal of cesspool of hate. Like, obviously, Milo picking on some fat girl at the gym or whatever, or even antagonizing Leslie Jones. That's shitty to do. But you can go on Twitter right now and find pro-ISIS accounts, find kill cop accounts. You can find so much awful shit there and it's like, well, why is this selectively censored? Why is the censorship so selective?

They take those accounts down also. It's not like a headline like ISIS account number 42 got deleted off Twitter. It's not like, you know, it's not newsworthy. And plus, all that stuff happened. It was like, it was like a whirlwind. You know, if we never heard it, and it was something that came up, like, you know,

a year later, people wouldn't be like, Oh, my God, I can't believe that happened. It was just kind of like, in a whirlwind of everything. And it was, I think, perfect timing for him. Because when I first heard that and i like googled him he had like no shortage of content or anything available that was all like fresh and new stuff and i just looked at like you know he him appearing on everything it's like you know it's it's that type of thing where um you know people making videos bashing him or calling him out just it just makes him grow you know what i mean it's kind of like what's up everything made him go at the time but now it's silenced him yeah now milo i feel like milo's career ended when that pro pedo stuff came out and i'm kind of

mischaracterizing it but he basically said this and apparently apparently this is just the reality and truth of being gay, that it's not uncommon for a young gay person to sort of sync up with an older gay person because they don't have that father figure there. And they kind of teach him the gay ropes and maybe even have gay sex. He's like, that's how it is. That's our world. You talk to any gay person, they'll admit that this is a reality um i don't know but uh he came out and said that this isn't always an abusive relationship that sometimes it's like a a growth experience for the younger guy and the world just collapsed

on them you know they they painted it as a you know you like you know man boy love and and you're the devil and yep since then they painted it as like an endorsement of pedophilia yeah and look if you read it and you could get that from it and not be crazy but um also i feel like you know you really have to know the gay world as well as he does to to criticize it and uh second you also have to know like the nature of a podcast like this one where people say shit i think it came out in favor of 13 year old asses earlier tonight it doesn't mean anything but you know if uh anderson cooper runs with it then i'm in trouble like the context also of milo specifically is like he's talked a lot about being molested. And it's a well-known thing that people who are molested will often try and retroactively change what happened in their minds so they can gain a measure of control over it. Because if you just say, yeah, I was molested and I didn't want that and I didn't want any part of it, but it happened to me anyway, you're way more helpless than if you say, oh, no, no, I wasn't molested.

I actually wanted it. I was a part. I was an active member of that. I was the aggressor. Yeah, I was. You know, that's me. I just was a little boy who loved Dick. And like, that's all I was thinking about.

I manipulated that priest to get what I wanted from him. That was his story. I got out of it. But it's only because I'd heard his story about having been molested that I was like, oh, this really rings true of someone who was molested and is trying to kind of gain a power back over it but who knows that could be wrong as well it's a funny thing when these companies like facebook is one google is one twitter might be one like they start off as little companies little for-profit businesses and they turn into sort of public utilities you know youtube

is one youtube people say oh my god youtube is in the censorship business now they're in the ad delivery business that's what they do the censorship is just to support the ad delivery they never thought that they were an important platform for free speech but they've become one you know they become a way for you to put your voice out there about all sorts of topics important or jake paul and this uh are you kind of referring to this google thing that came out like that um that dossier that that dude wrote about their issues with uh forcing diversity but that's a good point yeah so are you guys real quick harley and dick are you guys familiar with that it's been yeah the manifesto No, but that's a good point. Are you guys, real quick, Harley and Dick, are you guys familiar with that?

Yeah, the manifesto. A quick rundown. Yeah, there's a Google employee. That's my new porn. I would say conservative views. What he was saying was that Google works... Not that they're conservative necessarily. A lot of it was just moderate, normal stuff.

Some of the things he's saying, like, hey, why are we striving for diversity of gender and diversity of skin color what everybody froze i think that was it and why are we striving for divert okay diversity of color diversity of skin color when we should be going for diversity of ideas that's what true diversity is what's between your ears not what's between your legs and and such i have heard those exact same things diversity of ideas pitched uh out of the the right before so i i'd suspect that you know that's that's where he was coming from i think it wasn't crazy moderate if it does have a lean it was got fired yeah um yeah i heard that yeah you got quick i read that today that he got fired.

And it turns out, it appears, based on the article I read, Google was well within their rights to fire him. That the whole free speech thing doesn't extend to the workplace. Well, no, yeah, they're definitely in their right to fire him. Anytime you kind of publicly humiliate a company that you work for you do open yourself up to that but you can't also have someone who they had a vp of diversity come out and be like you know we love diversity and we love this first of all vp of diversity how fucking orwellian is that and like that's insane it's someone whose job is like are we doing are we making good products here at google no no no no i make sure that the right genitals are in place and that the right skin make sure we have a good hue in our programming department. Enough tits in

there. It just doesn't make any sense. But this shit was so moderate and his humble assertions of like, hey, just, you know, women aren't as interested in tech as a whole as men and that probably goes to explain a lot of this discrepancy. You can't

shoehorn people into places. They've literally done studies. The more equal a society gets, the more likely women and men are to follow more gender-constructed roles. The entire Scandinavian part of the world is the most equal, quote, equal between men and women. All that does is open up opportunities for the women to pursue things that women naturally are more interested in. And there's nothing wrong with that. women to pursue things that women naturally are more interested in and there's nothing wrong with that but in current society we all have to pretend that men and women have an intrinsically different interest is somehow demeaning to one side or the other when it's not i don't get why we can't ever

look like men and women compliment each other on shit instead of just having it a contest where you want men to be shitty women or women to be shitty men i agree completely i milo puts i've heard milo argue this and he's like men men and women are actually different. There are tons of studies to back this up. Here, my tiny little sample size. My first kid was a girl, and my next kid was't take me long to get out of it. But before I had any kids at all, I wanted a boy. Most people lie. They say they don't care as long as they're healthy. I didn't lie. I said I wanted a boy. And not only that, I wasn't even worried about getting a girl. I just felt like I was luckier than that. Like that wouldn't happen to me. And when she was born, it was like a car accident, but worse. Like a car accident.

I remember she was born. She's like three hours old. And, you know, I was there for the birth and everything. I'm sitting on my back porch, and I'm like, I can't fix this. She's like permanently a girl, right? Like there's no getting her. I totally have a girl what if she had been born right now you could start that little that little man on hormone treatment right

away puberty blockers give her a big old meaty clit and send her into a locker room just to fast forward a bit and get myself out of a little trouble by the time she was two we were starting for a second kid i loved her so much i was not i was afraid i wouldn't be able to love the next kid too like i was like this one is so perfect should we just stop should we just stop but um anyway uh so we took two years yeah i wanted a boy and i got a girl so i was like well here we go i'm gonna raise her like a boy that's what i'm up to you know i'm gonna teach her how to throw a ball. I'm going to teach you how to like rough house and whatever. Uh, no difference in parenting for me. She was such a girl though. She was totally like

attracted to the pink frilly stuff. She had, um, boyfriends, right? She's three or something. And the boys would like race around the house, like wild Indian, just like screaming, banging, like breaking shit. Who knows? And she would sit there and put hats on them as they went by. Right. Because she's a girl. And she wasn't like them. She didn't.

She wasn't a fucking monkey to just hanging on things. And like, I get that it's a small sample size, but by and large, my experience is girls and boys are different. You're exactly right with your example. They do the same thing with bonobo babies and chimp babies. There was a real study about this that they did in the 70s or something, and they were like,

oh, let's see if little human boys and girls intrinsically like trucks or machines or little dolls. And all the boys tend to like the machines and the items and the girls like the personified items like the the dolls and the you know dressy up and the pink frilly stuff and whatnot where the guys like the tonka trucks and feminists at the time were like that's not true that's social conditioning that's all social conditioning the the fucking patriarchy you know man sneaks into women's rooms at night and whispers into the belly you're gonna like you're gonna like pink shit you little bitch and you're gonna know your place you're gonna know your place hold on like no but they did this

they replicated it with bonobos which are the closest relative we have yes closest relative we have and they did the exact same thing all the male bonobo uh babies went over and played with the trucks all the females went over and played with the trucks all the females went over and played with the dolls and it's like i don't know why in people's heads they see things like this and they go uh-oh this is bad like any kind of difference i do have i do i do want to say that like saying like men are different from women is very obvious. And it's obvious because men are different from men. And women are different from women.

So obviously men will be different from women. And maybe trucks and the dolls have a different reasoning why the monkeys felt that they would go to it but like i don't think a truck or a doll is representative of male and females and i think it's because i know i know i know someone that you know uh uh plays more xbox than you and bench presses and squats more than you and is a girl and like it's just like those are things that you know growing up i didn't imagine girls would be like or be into or whatever but then you just realize that like people are people and all people are different from all people i mean that's fair but you don't really you don't really learn anything when you real quick like you don't learn anything if you just say everybody's different

because then you can only do that if you take it to an individual level the entire value of making these assumptions and generalizations is that you have to do it on a population level and so the point would be obviously an individual man and an individual man yeah you absolutely can't populations like the fact like women choose to go into careers that have to do more with child-rearing, especially when given the opportunity to do so in nations where they have the opportunity to go to engineering. You're dealing with such a complex scenario that when you say something like that, you're talking about – like you have to talk about like specific country and a specific type of person. Well, no. Here's the direction that I come at it from. Some women, depending on where they are, they're farmers.

Well, no, it's the direction that I come at it from. Some women, depending on where they are, they're farmers. When I say men are different than women, what I'm trying to say is that we shouldn't try to have equality of results, right? Men are different than women. But if we say, all right, we need 50% of our engineers to be men and 50% of our engineers to be women. We need 50% of our doctors to be men and 50% of our doctors to be women and on and on and on, then you're making a mistake because it might be that like 90% of men are attracted to petroleum engineering and only 10% of girls are. And when we say that this industry needs gender diversification, it ignores the fact that by and

large, 90% of women don't like it, but Harley's friend does. We're not outlawing anyone from it. I'm just saying that the idea that there should be a goal of equality of results is off target. No, I'm from the place that I'm not saying there should be a goal, but I am comfortable if there is a position or a thing and 90% of it is white men then i'm comfortable for someone to ask is that because mostly white men pursue that or is it something that is like created in a way that it's difficult to penetrate if you were say a female i'm cool with the question i'm not saying like there has to be more female engineers so that it's 50 i'm just saying like if if there's 90 male and someone wants to

know well that's weird i would be like yeah it is maybe there's an explanation i mean the u.s we had we had a woman who are possibly answering that question at least one side of it is getting fired that question's great and people positing and saying here's some research that would suggest an answer to your question because my whole life as an engineer people have told me that my only value is in providing answers and solutions to problems that no one else can solve my value is this answer i said i can give you and spell out for you here you go you're fired that's it and so anybody who thinks anybody who tries to answer this whether it's wrong or not or whether it's harmful or not, is just instantly going to stop. And all you're stuck with is this perennial question that was invented cynically by advertising companies and universities to boost their bottom line.

Universities want to pitch the diversity so that they get more applicants because it looks great. Every big company wants to be as diverse as fucking possible because it just looks good on the billboard. The angle that they're coming at this from is so far removed from the four of us sitting here and giving honest anecdotal evidence and arguments that we've actually put thought in and that we have emotion in this is real these are real people coming at these problems that are not dangerous at all the companies that are making us do this have none of these things in mind all they all they want to do is look good doing it to to equate them to me is is the is the worst part of this that we have to have these arguments with one another as people, and they are just sitting there crunching numbers. And they know exactly what they're doing. I use Google Analytics all the time. You know what would happen if Google suddenly decided, hey, let's not track men and women as men and women.

They'd lose an infinite amount of data. The entire way they target people, like much of it is contingent on whether you're a man or a woman. Everything we're basing on here is like when I first brought up the things that I brought up, it wasn't with money thrown in. Everything we're talking about here is when you throw money into the equation, it does change things like Google and what they did with that employee was a business decision. And I don't think it reflects at least the sentiments in this room. Even though we can differ on what we're saying right now, we still have the same sentiment that maybe that was a harsh decision made for the scenario. But like that's a company.

And I can't begin to understand why a company that huge does the things it does or why it even has a vp of diversity like when you were saying like what's the point like there might be a point i don't know because i would never understand how to manage a huge company like that i just know from my experience that i would never say these are girls and these are boys because these girls on the Venn diagram can have so many similarity to these guys and you know it might be way more common things and there are differences overall that I think we always default to being like men and women but like you know I see what you're saying but I think you're you're getting too like you're exactly right if we're talking about individuals. There are men out there who are more different from me than a woman I might meet, and me and that individual woman might be more similar than otherwise. But you can't actually

reach valuable conclusions if you just go individual to individual differences. You have to go by population. And there are overwhelming differences between men and women in their life decisions and their priorities and women in their life decisions and their priorities and what they're attracted to and what they like to do enormous differences that do tend to hold as a trend as a trend but even that's the way you get data from it that's men and women they're very different but even like when you go from like one side of the country to the other side of the country or the continent like there's huge differences between people there like as much as we generalize and we have to generalize to get an understanding of things you just like i i've come to believe

that humans are so complex you just don't get that even like the monkeys with the truck and and and the the doll like their social setup is so fucking basic compared to us. They don't even have to get dressed. You have to think before you put clothes on every day. Just taking, taking the clothing aspect away. It's like so primal and maybe primally like men are like this. Women are like that,

but we're not a society of hunters and gatherers anymore. It's so much more complex. You have the luxury to feel how you want and do what you want and when people get to truly feel what they want and not hunt because biologically they're stronger then maybe that's just not something that they would want to do and maybe they want to do more womanly things or the other way around and this is exactly what i was talking about and it supports my point that if you go to fucking Cambodia, you're going to see women doing the jobs of men at a higher rate than if you go to Norway, Sweden, Finland, England, we've actually found that women and men are more likely to go in traditional male and female directions when the initial hypothesis from feminists and the like was,

oh, the more you free women from traditional gender roles, the more they'll want to go be engineers or they'll want to be boxers or whatever the hell. And it ended up being the exact opposite of that. And that's a conclusion you can only arise to if you analyze general populations. And of course, it's not as...'s not only being encouraged to go in these like milo says it really well he's like this world that you're describing where women don't have opportunities to be engineers it's not the world that young people are living in now and that's my milo impression was terrible

anyway uh the it wasn't very fabulous, I broke out of it instantly. Well, my daughter's 18, and she has had STEM thrown at her since she was 12. There's a lot of innuendo in that. My daughter's 18, and she's getting a lot of STEM thrown at her. You mean that? Hey. Okay, that's my Rodney Dangerfield impression. That's like a really 1940s way to say it yeah so uh science technology engineering and math she's had that toss to her you know join the robotics team check this out opportunities for

women in stem we're going to conferences and meetings and whatever and uh like there is no one her age being told that like this is not OK for you, that the careers in science, technology, engineering, math, those are boy jobs. Like that's just not the world that girls are coming up in now. And they're still not choosing it. And like my daughter, like I would I would love for her to have a background in that. And it's it's not her cup of tea. She's like, no. uh it's it's not her cup of tea she's like no like whenever i have courses about that those are the ones that either you know i have to try harder in or they just don't find them

appealing so yeah small sample size but dude oh go ahead sorry no no please go all i know is that no man has ever jumped out of my moving car because we drove by a CVS. That's all I know. I think that says enough. I've never been that excited to go to CVS. No! Why would you be? No. There's nothing cool at CVS. There's nothing good at CVS. Fucking Benadryl.

And they have their fucking smarmy, we don't sell tobacco anymore. I go, fuck yourself. Like, they got enough nicotine gum to fill a wheelbarrow uh all right let's talk a little bit about me undies you want to look good in your underwear and be comfortable right but that perfect balance is hard to find don't sacrifice style or comfort check out me undies i'm wearing some right now

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My research mode kicked off. I started Googling and I had to read the copy to know if that was Taylor or if that was in there. One, Taylor made that up. That was an ad lib. Two, it is actually National Underwear Day, as Chiz points out. You can't cram all that fun into one day, would you? It's a month. No, you can't do it.

I was going to say something that they would not like. Never mind. I was like, am I wearing MeUndies right now? Nah, I'm wearing an inferior brand. But I have been wearing my MeUndies. I have a pile of dirty underwear sitting right up next to me. And I'm like, would pulling out my dirty underwear help sell underwear for these guys? No.

No. No, I don't think it would don't you know who else don't don't don't don't pull your dirty underwear don't poison what i'm about to explain to you guys it's time to hear a little bit more about the elder scrolls and people are wearing dirty underwear in skyrim i've played enough to know that so let's learn about the Elder Scrolls. Please tell me. Strategy card games are fun. Online strategy card games are arguably even more fun.

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into the world of the elder scrolls universe with a fully voice-acted cutscene and beautiful motion graphics. While playing through the campaign, unlock new cards, level your cards to tailor your playstyle and decks, Legends also features a solo Arena Mode, where you can draft a deck of cards to play against and play against random, various AI opponents and different game rules and conditions. Like PvP? Jump online to play in the Versus Arena or Battle Mode. In Arena Mode, players construct their own 30-card deck on the spot so you gotta be smart, which they will wield in a series of intensely challenging matches that offer the prospect of huge rewards.

Probably money. Battle... Probably XP. Battle Mode allows players to bring their finely-tuned decks against online opponents and ranked matches for a chance to top the leaderboard not able to jump in the game link your bethesda.net account and your twitch account for a chance at free in-game loot like currencies and card packs that you can get randomly just by watching any legend stream or by streaming the game yourself whether you're a strategy card game fan or a friend of the award-winning elder scrolls characters

world and of course dragons the elder scrolls Legends Heroes of Skyrim is now available for free. Find it today on Google Play, the App Store, and Steam for PC and Mac. That is The Elder Scrolls Legends Heroes of Skyrim. Check that out. I actually will check it out because I play, or intermittently, I play lots and lots of Magic the Gathering because I think that's probably one of the most fun games ever invented. I fucking love Magic.

And if this is anything like that as a card game, it's going to be great. And it seems like, because they have 30 card decks in this, so you can probably make them way faster and have a quicker... So you won't have to spend as much time on it. You guys probably don't play Magic, and so I'm explaining to nothing. But check that out. No, I actually learned how to play another card game

that I just won't mention because you guys are sponsored. And I played that game and I was like, oh my God, this is such a simplified version of I bet what magic is like. And so I took everything I learned from that game and I went and like basically applied it to playing magic with a friend. And I was like, oh shit, I learned how to play magic through dabbling in that other card game um yeah it's interesting i i used to just my experience with magic was just flavor text growing up i used to just like shit and stare at these trippy ass like scary pictures of like golems and stuff in the woods and like read like the little creepy paragraph and be like damn so crazy you know it's so funny like you just look at it and read like the little creepy paragraph and be like damn it's so crazy you know it's so funny like

you just look at it and read like the little part yeah i i got magic cards because i i mean i was born in 85 so when i got cards there was one reason why you got cards you got it to have it and look at it yeah and i really realized the difference in my age when i had this guy hired who was about eight years younger than me and i was showing him my like 1993 like marvel cards and my my metal series of cards i'm like check these out he's like whoa how do you play and i was like you don't play cards were just they were just were and he was like there's no game i'm like no there's no game he's like oh weird so you just look at it and i'm like yeah pictures were a big deal growing up like that was cool you carry a pack around in your on your palm and then you swipe it to the next

one everyone's when you're done looking at it it's perhaps you've heard of it you fucking idiot don't act like i'm the weird one the back of the card um yeah i don't know dick said i'm the weird one it had a topic i've been holding on to so 50 years ago being gay was considered like a mental disorder right like it was a diagnosable sort of thing like yeah now being gay is just part of like theosaic of people, and this is what we are, right? Some are gay. Some are straight. Some are bi. Some are pan.

Some are things I'm not even sure what they are. Anyway, what mental disorder from now would make a cool entry into just the mosaic of who humanity is? Like, yeah, some people are schizophrenic it's not like don't look down on them we just like if you have like a schizophrenic person who nowadays they'd be sitting there like leaning back and forth like this is my friend phil early normal it's like nobody's nobody's there ted and you have to respect well i believe i hung out with someone and uh it was like a couple years back in hollywood and my friend who's like this like just this weird hollywood dude and uh another friend of mine he was like yeah uh so my buddy is gonna come by tonight to hang out and i'm'm like, cool. And he's like, yeah, he's this cool dude.

And this is how he described to me. He was like, he's really awesome. He's really like, he's like an excellent actor. He's like a genius and super artistic. And he was a child actor. And everything they say about Hollywood and child actors are true. And he's been through some shit and it changed him but he's totally cool and he's like pedophilia kind of stuff but he has a thing like he has a

a disorder yeah that was what i gathered that maybe he had been abused or something and he's like but he has a disorder and he's kind of like bipolar but he's totally cool and so i was actually in the scenario where i was fully accepting of like okay this guy is bipolar and uh i guess i need to know that more so than if my buddy was like oh my friend's coming over and uh she used to be a guy like i feel like that you like or he's gay you don't need to disclose that. It doesn't define a person. But, like, if someone is bipolar. Bipolar or schizophrenic or something where they're going to be erratic. What's that?

Like, anything where they're going to be potentially erratic. Yeah. Like, if they might start behaving and freak out. It's like, I should know in advance that this, you know, like something like that, like that. And it all came up to the point that he was like, no matter what happens, like he's not allowed to drink or like do any partying. And I was like, OK, sure. And so he comes over this guy and I'm there with my buddy and my Hollywood friend who

knows him. And they're like, what's up? What's up? What's up? And he's cool guy. He's laughing. He's joking. And, you know, what's up, what's up, what's up? And he's a cool guy. He's laughing. He's joking. And, you know, we have a couple of drinks there.

And my buddy's like, yeah, I'm going to go shower, like the mutual friend. So he goes to shower. And, like, we're there. He puts a glass down next to ours. And he's like, can I get a little taste? And, like, so me and my buddy are now now it's awkward because I don't know this guy. And we were just told from the one friend that knows him to not give him any drinks or drugs because he he's bipolar and he changes. And it's like Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde.

And my friend's gone. And I'm like, polite Canadian. The guy's like, can I get a little taste? And I have this. And like my other buddy doesn't know him either is like, are you sure? He's like, can I get a little taste? And I have this. And like my other buddy doesn't know him either. He's like, are you sure? And he's like, yeah, why not? I'm like, it's okay. He's like, yeah, it's okay. I'm like, you're allowed to have some. He's like, yeah. So I'm like, okay. So like we give him a little and he like sips it and we start talking. And then my buddy comes out of the shower and he's like dude he's like

you're not supposed to be drinking and we turn and look at the guy and he's now like holding the bottle and it's like half gone at some point he got the bottle and he was drinking and we didn't realize because we were drinking and talking and whatever and my buddy was like are you okay like can you drink and he was like yeah yeah i'm fine fine. I'm fine. I just, uh, and he, and this is my buddy said to me, he goes, but you know what your limit is, right?

When you shouldn't, when you should stop drinking or, and all that. And he's like, yeah, I'll tell you in advance before I start to get a little crazy. And anyways, we were drinking,

he went out to go have a cigarette and he was gone for like two hours. And when he came back up to the hotel, like he, he opens the door and he comes up to me and he's gone for like two hours and when he came back up to the hotel like he he opens the door and he comes up to me and he's like dude fucking security's here i'm like what he's like fucking security there's saying some shit about something i'm like okay so i walk outside and the security hotel security is there they're like we're gonna kick you all out or we're gonna kick that guy out if it's not his room we saw him going around on to all the floors and unscrewing all the light bulbs in front of all the hotel doors and he's like we have it all on camera and he went up and down all the floors and did that and he's like so you gotta ask him to leave so i'm like oh shit so i go inside i go up to my

buddy i'm like can you come outside for a second and he comes outside and i bring my hollywood friend and i tell my hollywood friend i'm like he they gotta kick him out and he's like what for what and I kind of just push them both out and close them and I was like okay that's that and my buddy came in and I was like why'd you let him drink he's like you let him drink and I was like why'd you leave me alone with him but like we were inclusive to the scenario knowing full well that he was like bipolar and and and whatever but like i mean you know by saying like oh uh gay people hang out now i wonder if in the future schizo people will be cool to hang out but it's like gay people aren't potentially dangerous to those around them and i don't i'm not a psychologist but from what i understand a schizophrenic person can ultimately

potentially be dangerous to themselves or the people around them right it depends on the kind of schizophrenic there's like i that's another trend i go through on youtube videos is i like watching interviews of people with schizophrenia or by or like severe mental disorders where like they're just fucked up in the head it's really interesting there there are some of them where it's called a catatonic schizophrenic where they will stand still like a statue for nine hours. They'll get into a position that doesn't make any sense and just stay there.

Have you guys ever heard of that? Catatonic schizophrenia? No, but I just added that to my homework. They'll stand like this. Is it like a fainting goat? No, no. They'll just stand in a way that doesn't make any sense for hours on end. And if you go over to them and you go like that, they'll stay in that position.

Or they'll lash out and hurt you sometimes. My girlfriend was a special needs teacher. She had one of those kids. There you go. And he would just sit there for hours. I think he was the same guy that had to like he had to undo everything so they would like he had to reverse everything that was done to him so they would like you know they're hanging out with these kids all day they gotta interact with them somehow

they'd like move his move something in a weird way and he would have to like ace ventura rewind the tape uh whatever whatever they did or wherever they took them that can be like a mild version of that cd like like if i touch your right knee do you need to like rub the left one to make them symmetrical again yeah when i was like 12 i i did that that kind of shit where i'd like have to like do things balanced you know where like you'd you'd like put one arm down on a desk at school and you'd be like well how do i put the other arm down exactly the same okay now i'm still like my wife might like pinch a big toe or something it's just like a little you know token of love it's like can you get the other one because you know you kind of fuck me up but just pinching one toe that thing that dick was talking about with the

heaven to reverse and walk backwards literally this week i was watching one on one of these tears and it was severe ocd and ocd most of the time is someone being like i'm so ocd i wash my hands after i take a shit and it's like yeah we all do you fucking attention whore like no shit are you gluten free too moron like you get that kind of feel from it. This guy's video, he spent years in a basement by himself. Like he there's there's filming like camera of him where he like filmed himself in the basement like a creep. He's got a full beard, like a castaway looking guy. And he would be describing epic me. But you don't. What do you do is he said it would take him like seven to 10 hours to walk 11 or 12 feet across the room to go to the

bathroom because he would have to from the bathroom do every single movement exactly correctly backwards and if he ever made a mistake he had to restart and so he pissed away three years of his life doing shit in reverse in a basement until eventually he's like i don't know what eventually came over me it was just one day i'm like I've had enough trying to do shit backwards and then I I opened the door and you know tried to take my life but he ended up having kids and being healthy-ish so that was good but god damn watching videos like that

makes you really thankful that you don't that you don't suffer with that shit especially shit like the OCD one because for some reason the ones where you can tell the person is cognizant enough to understand the burden of their disorder on others around them those are so much worse than people who are so gone that they don't understand they can't comprehend that they are a burden like someone

with severe schizophrenia or like uh severe down syndrome or something i don't know but i think about that a lot and i'm sure what did you what did you have in mind what did you what did you think was going to be uh in the uh disorder category that would be not i had schizo in my head because it was funny um yeah i was just sort of tossing it out there to see where it went uh i don't know the mental disorder that would become just part of the mosaic of who we are. Shit, it's awful to say that whole gender dysmorphia thing that kind of just happened.

Boys who think they're girls and girls who think they're boys. A lot of people would argue that. Well, I actually like... Maybe a jerk. Maybe a jerk. I feel like you're able to step in and change those results. I understand that, though though i feel like humans are such we're such a complex series of of factors that like you know one thing

is off and it instantly changes like the makeup of a person that it wouldn't it wouldn't surprise me if you know what you know this doesn't align with that, two different parts of the same human being. That it's not, you know, that it wouldn't align. Like, I think in every single scenario, you have people that do things for attention. But I actually, like, I genuinely believe, like, that some men feel they are women or the other way around oh yeah like i i

definitely believe they believe it like i don't think people are trying to like pull one over on you or something yeah right it's such a small percentage of the population we spend so much time talking about it it's fascinating like it's fun it is fun. I got I got some trans friends and I'm like, okay like it's it's cool, but then I I always think like, you know, I get that you I Get that this I get that you need this but what about like when we find a way to I don't know that you need this but what about like when we find a way to i don't know fix this like which way which way would we fix this when we when we have that technology are you going all girl when you come out or are we or are we tweaking the brain back the other way and what's it gonna be

like i feel like if i had girl parts i'd'd just live a girl life. Me too. It seems so much easier. Thank you, because I thought I was crazy. No. And I've got boy parts, so I'm like, oh. I only have two arms. I wish I had 50. Yeah.

No, be realistic. You wish you were Gora. You've got to live like a two-armed guy. All you need is four. I mean, I understand how you would say that if I had a vagina, I would just be a girl. I would just live that life. I think so. No, I haven't been put to the test, right? But, like, truth be told, then it's like it takes our conversation from earlier and kind of goes against the point that no matter what you like, no matter what you do, have a vagina you're a girl you know what i mean it's like no matter what like no matter how many trucks you play with

you have a vagina you're a girl and i i mean i i don't necessarily taylor i told you he was brilliant right you all doubted me i'm like this fucker's a genius and you're like oh i don't see why you're coming after me like i'm the guy going no people who have vaginas aren't girls like yeah of course it makes sense you minimized his start a diss track idea and i said it was genius that's where i'm coming in from this right now his genius comes through twice in one pka i think i don't think it's left i think it's just perennial no i don't know i don't i don't know i's left. I think it's just perennial. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I think I said a level of genius. I dropped the mic. I mean, the context of it drives me crazy, too, because you say like, OK, yeah, that's your gender. That's what you want to be called. So everyone, we have to call you a woman and we will. It's fine. I'm fine with it.

What's that? Sorry. That is where I don't agree with that it's my my one thing is that actually like i i despise when people get in trouble because they're ignorant but like like you can't blame someone for being ignorant. Most of the time it's society. Like we all did it together as a society, but like, I disagree,

like misgendering someone or using the wrong pronoun is no one can be blamed for that. That's too difficult of a thing to be on top of. So I think that I agree with what you're saying, but I don't think that society should be expected or, anything of like that you know what i'm saying do you understand what i'm saying yeah yeah no i was just i don't the only reason i brought it up is because my next point was like okay so now it's just like in the context of describing uh do you date straight men like the answer the answer is now no like now it's like do you date oh so you're a guy do you

date women like well yes but only in the only in the context of women like if we're not talking about this this uh this thing that we have to do now because then the answer is of course only only women without penises for me yeah yeah so it's like i see a future where you gotta you gotta you gotta just qualify everything and i'm not like bitching about my privilege or saying that it's that big of a pain in the ass but this it's getting it it i don't know it gets excess like everyone is aware of this right everyone is aware of the context how important the context is of these labels it's like we're having to drill down like four layers deep what qualifiers you need when it could just be well yeah i'm attracted to the other half it's

it's because it's because it's like uh like it it's we try and and label and and take something that's a really complicated big picture thing and make it like a black and white simple thing but it's just too complicated to do that it's too intensive a scenario so to be like like who do you do you like men or women like i understand that it's like that that's a question you can answer you know what i mean do you like men or women that look like men but like like like, like, like, so to everyone, to you guys, like a woman who trends transitioned is to you. Who is that to you? Do you do? Is that a woman to you? Wait, she started.

Which one did it start at? And where are we now? Woman to man? It was a man and it has now transitioned to a woman. I mean, it depends who I'm hanging out with. So I'm totally okay in most social situations. But if we're talking about a romantic situation, I guess I'm jerky enough to like women. Woody, you don't have to guess women the whole time

with a full-throated response it's a man for a romantic relationship that's a man i'm not dating that i'm not dating that guy i'll say whatever i'll say whatever you know keep things polite and calm but if we're getting in real shit here, no, absolutely not! I guess what I said, I guess. I mean, I reluctantly admit that if it wasn't a woman from start to finish, that's not my cup of tea. No, you don't have to reluctantly admit that.

If someone goes to you and says, hey, are you attracted to someone who identifies as a woman who has a penis, you shouldn't have to go, go well i'm more into the vagina stock of women no you should just be able to say hold on as much as much as you could say to him he's he's just being responsible like we were just talking about a person who you know suffered because of what they said being offensive and like truth be told i think and i'm just assuming that the most you know uh righteous people on the matter uh would say that uh if you don't like women that used to be men then that is wrong like i'm sure there's people that believe

that because i was reading an article recently where it said like saying that you don't like a particular type of girl was racist if you were to say like i don't like asian women or i don't like black women then that is racist so if i'm not racist at all i saw that article and that's not where i'm coming from and they quoted an elect they quoted a like they quoted an obscure scientific paper where what you're attracted to can be changed with electro treatment. And it was the same paper that the religious whack jobs use to show that sexual reorientation therapy works. It was like, you guys have gone full circle, finally! You finally want to make men

attracted to genetic men who've chopped their dicks off by zapping them in the brain with electricity! You're finally equal! Go have a holy war and fuck off! Well, actually, you don't need to chop the dick off

to just be the woman. You could just say it. Then do you, wait, wait, wait, hold on, hold on. If you don't have to chop the dick off, then can you just, could you just keep the beard and keep the guy clothes

and wear the guy shoes and then just go? Because like, when does it break off from, like, it's confusing, you know? You're right, it isn't black and white. It's difficult to keep track of. But you under, Harley, you get what I'm saying with like, when does it break off from, like, it's confusing, you know? You're right. It isn't black and white. It's difficult to keep track of. Like, but you under, Harley, you get what I'm saying with, like, if you don't, like, if the penis being taken off isn't a requirement, which, fine, I agree.

You shouldn't have, if you have a penis, you should not have it removed unless you, I guess, really, really want it removed. But there is a, like, why, if that's okay, then why is it someone who looks like me saying it and going in like not okay and why maybe i articulated that so poorly yeah i don't understand i i was just saying that like i mean you can go and you can take you know you could take uh hormones and you can get breast implants you can put on a dress and you know wax and and shave and and do your makeup and wear a wig and and still have your penis a woman truly believing it yourself i lost you right there for a second you said you can still have your penis and yeah you could still you could you could be like everything about it like taylor just believe you're

a woman. No, I'm just saying if you really believed it, I don't think you would look like that. But like you don't need to chop – you don't need to get the surgery to believe that, to get to that point. You know what I mean? Yeah. And I mean I don't know. I think it's like people can do what they want. People should do what they want. And I get annoyed when people get mad for using the wrong pronoun or misgendering someone. tricky and it's it's a it's a crazy time in the sense that like if you go on facebook i think you have 48 different genders to select from uh in this day and age and so like to learn all 48 is it's it's like uh a tricky thing and to know which one is which and to understand that is just like

it's hard to expect of society and uh yeah that's what someone tried to introduce me to 48 of their friends and remember their names i'd be like are you shitting me like i'm gonna get about four deep and i will have already forgotten i am so bad with names i are you guys good with or you can meet someone and retain it okay what is worse than anyone with names i'm good i remember people if we've met before i'm like oh i we know each other where do we know each other from i'm good i remember people if we've met before i'm like oh i we know each other where do we know each other from i'm good at that i could do a four-hour show with a celebrity and not know his name the next week yeah you just did that you said some doctor from montreal some dude yeah you literally just did that uh i just linked something an interesting story in the

chat if you guys did see it about uh britain extraditing a miracle baby pastor to kenya now what this you can scroll down and see pictures of this fucking huckster and what this dude did is he promised with his wife that he could go to women who were barren or too old to have kids and that he would give them a magical baby a miracle from the lord you know without even the need for intercourse and and he was delivering he was showing up and and these women were ending up having babies and and holding babies and getting pictures with him turns out this this fucker was just going to uh the nairobi pumwani Maternity Hospital and stealing babies and then going to those women

who were praying and paying him and being like your prayers have been answered a baby has come from this guy and it is here for you because you are faithful to the Lord and then he'd give him the baby and little did they know that that came from the fucking Nairobi Hospital which I'm sure is the room with babies

how many people have been like, hey, you want to buy this bicycle? It's $15. And you're like, you know what? I will take a bike for $15 because you don't want to steal it. This baby has blonde hair. This baby fell off the truck. Yeah, exactly. Everyone knows what's going on here.

This guy just sells cheap babies. Yeah. I mean, I thought that was interesting because i wouldn't think a scam like this could go on for longer than uh one person one baby yeah i thought this was a one and done scam but this guy's apparently been pilfering babies from the nairobi maternity leave area for years what are these i think the acceptable level of time is lower there it is kenya it's the maternity ward is locked down right the kids have like bracelets on them the the fucking alarm systems go off everywhere you cannot steal children in america it's very very difficult on the other

hand my mother-in-law staying with us she's very sick there's no security on old people at all you think you if you want one you can go to the hospital yeah but nobody wants an old person can you imagine like if i'm if i'm laying in a bed dying when i'm 80 and like a masked man comes in with a gun he's like what do you got where's your good shit i'm like oh have you come to whisk me away thank god like i'll go anywhere you say like like it's got to be anything would be better than that they could care for old people like you know we've got a guest like there's a mother-in-law suite we're not using let's go get some mother-in-laws oh i just had i just had another

one of those cringy like your shitty memory thing having to do with an old folks home. When I was, like, seven, I was with my mom at my great-grandpa's old folks home, and I was walking around the whole place all day. Man, looking back, those poor old people, they're all dead now, guaranteed. That was 20 years ago. But I walked around all day with my

shirt like this over my nose and my mouth looking around like I'd be like oh hey grandpa and like at the time i was just a kid so i was like god it smells fucking weird in here and so i was just covering my nose and my mom had to keep telling me like taylor that's incredibly rude stop it's like oh yeah you can smell it you die too like that's like when a man a man with a turban was standing behind my dad in line and my my sister like pulled his sweater and she was like look dad a genie she's like six years old so it's like but

my dad just like shut the fuck up when i was five or no i guess maybe even younger like four i was at a daycare and my mom dropped me off and whatnot and i was playing with all the other little kids and when she came back to get me she was like do you have fun taylor walking out to the car i was like no no i don't want to leave i want to go back in there and play with those little brown bears she's like what those little brown bears and i'm like yeah those little brown bears right over there and it was just four little black kids that i'd been playing with and i thought you're gonna burn in hell you piece of shit. Oh, I also, I thought that the word lumpy

meant ugly, and so I loudly shouted at a deformed man when I was six at a grocery store that he was a lumpy, lumpy man. And my mom had to tell me, Taylor, we're leaving. I didn't get well. I caused some problems

for my mom. I was a leash kid. I got put on a leash in malls. Were any of you leash kids? You were, Harley? Did you have a full body leash? I was a leash kid. Yeah, wrist leash. And I actually was notorious for breaking off the leash.

Me and you there. Yeah, the wrist leash was a one and done thing because it takes no effort at all for a little child to wriggle out of a wrist people it was when i went to the black house white market or fucking nordstrom or whatever with a whole vest like i was going skydiving you know like i it was like being a dog where I just start running and just get pulled back. They had to close a Macy's once because I – or rather they had to keep a Macy's open because I was so dedicated to my hide-and-seek game

of being inside one of those circular clothes things. Oh, those were the best, man. Yeah, I love hiding. You could get serious thinking done in those things. You could. You i love serious thinking done in those things you could you could you get a lot done i wonder how taylor would have fared under my mom like i don't think you'd have been a runner that you'd be it like she'd beat the hell out of someone yeah for those of you who don't know woody took some licks as a kid oh man yeah i just like the thought of trying to get away from my mom in a mall scenario

or something like the the consequences were too high you wouldn't want that i uh i did something where i i must have been seven my brother was probably five i uh you know those wagons like those play school wagons that you pull that like BC moms walking down the street and there's two kids in there. Um, I took one of those and we had an enormous hill in my backyard and I was growing up in a giant willow tree popped right in the middle of it. There was the only tree there and the woods were hundreds of yards back. And so I told my brother, we were going to, we were going to have a fun ride down the thing.

What I didn't tell him is that I would not be joining him, and I was going to tape him up so he couldn't get out. So I taped him. I taped his arms together. And, you know, the only thing you have to do is the older brother, because, like, obviously if he resisted, like five years and seven years old, he would have escaped. All you have to do is the older brother is be like, yeah,

it's going to be so much fun. Yeah, it's going be so much fun. Yeah Can you believe it? Yeah, we're gonna have a good time and then he was all taped up And I remember standing there with my hand on this wagon Ready to push him down the hill to see what would happen like on this in this fucking play school thing And I hear my dad from the balcony behind me Taylor Do not let go of that wagon me taylor do not let go of that wagon and i was like and i hear immediately the telltale signs of an adult running quickly down the stairs like all right it is now or never and so i let go of it

and immediately it starts careening down this hill boom boom boom boom like my brother's bouncing up and down and i had i hadn't aimed him that well i was like he's just gonna go straight into the middle of the fucking yard what could possibly go wrong he'll slow to a stop and be fine i'm not gonna get spanked no i just let go of it and he goes straight into that willow tree as 20 miles an hour i mean not 20 he was fucking quick and he obviously not strapped in hits the tree you know what he says his forehead no no i taped him up i didn't tape him into the wagon so he can't he can't protect himself basically correct correct it was hindsight's 2020 on all this i've had a lot of time to mature. But there was nothing more scary than seeing him hitting that tree

and then turning around and being like, oh, no. Like, that wasn't worth it. Oh, yeah, consequences. And now he's here. Now he's here. And that was, I never taped anyone up and pushed them down a hill again, will suffice to say. But that was...

Oh, man. Do you guys do stuff like that with siblings? Yes. I have to go to the washroom, guys. Don't talk about anything interesting while I'm gone. Okay, we won't. No, I had a sister. So it was like a no hands policy.

I don't know if I ever had to learn that but there's like a five there's a five-year difference between us so we're like you're older but yeah i'm older um so she always just seemed like a baby to me i don't know i remember when she was very small and couldn't speak uh i never got to kick the shit out of a brother when I was a kid. Sounds like fun. No, you know, good times, good times,

but as long as you're the oldest. Yeah. Yeah. Did you, did you have like more of a protective instinct toward her at all? Or were you not that kind of older brother of like, Oh, stay away from my girls.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I was,

I was in, I was doing my own thing. And, uh, she's, she's a tomboy. So she's, my dad had the same plan as you, Woody, except she was down with it.

She wanted to get into sports and do everything else too. She was pretty well-occupied. She was always carrying a bat. I don't think she needed anyone to protect her. Still doesn't. That's good. You guys want to hear from Audible?

I thought we'd all like to hear from Audible. Let me go get the book. Go ahead. Get your milked on whatever farm. All right. This episode of PKA is brought to you by Audible. Audible is a leading provider of premium digital spoken audio information and entertainment on the internet.

The leading provider, in my opinion. Audible's content includes an unmatched selection of audiobooks, original audio shows, news, comedy, and more from the leading audiobook publishers, broadcasters, entertainers, magazine, and newspaper publishers, and business information providers. Are you a fan of reading off your Kindle, but reading while driving to work is just too bumpy for you? No problem. WhisperSync for voice lets you switch back and forth between reading the book on a Kindle or Kindle app

and listening to the audio book without ever losing your place or missing a word. Works with iPhone, Android, and Kindle Fire. That's actually an incredible feature, to be able to jump back and forth from audio book to regular book seamlessly. Incredible. Committing to a new workout regimen regimen increase your reps while you free your mind you can't make more time but you can make the most of it thanks to audible they're offering our listeners a free

audiobook of your choice and a free 30-day trial right now so turn your workout into something more at audible.com slash pka head over and browse the unmatched selection of audio programs and download a free title and start listening. It's that easy. Go to audible.com slash pka. That's audible.com, A-U-D-I-B-L-E dot com slash pka and get started today with Audible. We recommend you check out I Can't Make This Up, Life Lessons, authored and narrated by comedian Kevin Hart. Very, very funny guy. Yeah, check out audible.com slash pka. I can't recommend this highly enough especially for road trips

and working out is excellent because I often try and will watch a show or something while I'm working out but you're on the bench or something and so you can't actually watch what's going on. There's nothing better than an audio book when you're working it out. And I think it's even better than music frankly because I I don't know, that's the way my mind works. I know a lot of people

think that same way. Your time goes faster, and it's more entertaining with a story, a narrative. So, audible.com slash pka. Definitely check them out. Awesome. I got my favorite book from Audible with me.

I liked it so much, I got the printed out version, so I could read it if I didn't have any audio available to me it's called Milked at Her Uncle's Farm it's volumes 1 through 3 I just noticed that there is a prequel

also I want to read you the most erotic part of the book I'd love to it's like your own personal audio audible how do i how do i turn off my camera while i listen uh gouge your eyes out and your ears let me see if i this is this is the this is when the girl's going down to her uncle's farm i think uh vanessa hated looking out seeking the arid landscape and all the short mesquite trees.

This is upsetting the eroticism. She actually saw tumbleweeds roll by like she was in the Wild West or something. Tumbleweeds. Here's where it gets really spicy. She refused to totally give up her city lifestyle for the Mexican farm, so she kept her Kindle Fire HD and her iPhone 5. They're so specific. Kindle Fire HD and her iPhone 5. It's a product placement inside the

lactation erotica. There you go. That's pretty... This girl was getting fucked in like 2009? 2011? 2012? I don't know when the 5 came out. iPhone 5. Couldn't just be the iPhone. The iPhone 5. They really wanted to date. Someday it'll be a period piece you could have said her smartphone like even like

just your smartphone and your later yeah she wanted to have a donut for lunch but she already surpassed her sugar macros you know in the text what's that does it have a trademark next to it no it doesn't. Interesting. Are there any hot and heavy passages in there that are any good that you have bookmarked? Please, but those are actually hot. They say too much about me, what I think is hot.

When anybody ever asks me, what are you into? What do you think is hot? Never once have I answered that honestly.'s your what's your lie ask that no no man on earth no no person on earth has ever answered that question honestly i definitely have not marked any as as hot what's what's your your go-to lie to throw him off lactation erotica with him i mean it's gotta be yeah this is my lie imagine what the real stuff is. I mean, as much as Kyle talks about

that business idea we had about Tilk, where we sell human titty milk to people over the Internet. It does. And we were going to be we were going to be their first competitor because

Tilk is a better name. And, you know, Kyle's got land down there. We were going to get a bunch of great gals, some good stock, and breed them as need be. We'd do the breeding. But yeah, it would have turned out fine. But it is true that when someone asks you a pointed sexual question like that, you do have to tamp it down. Or do something where you say something that's pretend ridiculous.

So they'll think, oh, he's not that crazy where you're like, oh, I like to watch, you know, lesbians, fucking 10 of them, all with strap ons going to town or something. And you're like, oh, OK, I guess that's a little city, little out there. So, you know, that's about that. That's called Peg City. Is it true? Yeah, it's called Peg City. Get up on the spot. No, no.

He made that up. No, no. It's when a number of people are wearing strap-ons. I'm going to Google it. You're going to get Winnipeg. It's like a rainbow party, though. Winnipeg? Yeah, you'll get Winnipeg.

But I'm just telling you that's Peg City. Urban dictionary, Peg City. Slang term for Winnipeg god he's a genius he's canadian when it comes to pegging i know it doesn't even have his definition on urban dictionary no because there's no definition of these 10bians with dildos. These things start somewhere. Here they go. These things start somewhere.

And that's just referred to as Peg City, starting now. Harley, are you all up on Game of Thrones? Yes. How are you liking it so far? I don't want to poison your opinion with my own. Your audience knows spoiler alerts when these come out? They know spoiler alerts aplenty for the game of thrones so uh jamie lannister is not dead right he should be can i talk about that

yeah dude no bron should be dead i was reading this on on the internet and i agree with the guy completely so braun is a good character but a secondary character right those shows improved a long time ago say that again he hasn't been present in the books for a long time now but we all love braun right that's a perfect reason to kill him, right? If Bronn was out there, wounds the dragon, pulls that big giant ballista arrow thing back, the dragon spots him, hits him with the fire, Bronn turns into ashes. That would have been an outstanding sort of brave ending. We didn't need someone else. Jaime could have jumped on the horse on his own. The story would have been better.

That's how they needed to save Bron. I don't want to save Bron. I want to kill Bron. If Bron had died last week, then we'd all be like, oh my god, Bron died. No one's safe on this show. What do you think right now? What about Jamie Lannister

is more of an impact than Bron, right? Jamie's fine. They're both fine. hold on how is jamie fine he got tackled off the horse by braun and now he's not in the water right yeah okay he'll take that armor off he'll swim to the top and he'll be a captive just saying he has a metal arm and he's covered in armor i'm just saying and it's a crazy thing to say but like i can't imagine anyone realistically pulls him out of that other than the dragon realistically no but we are talking about a show with dragons and i don't think they would have wasted a shot

like is it going to start the next episode and jamie lannister is going to be all dried up and be like oh close call like that would be dumb because yeah that's exactly what it's going to be he's going to be dumping water out of his boot i guarantee it but see like that i i worry that it's that because truth be told if you threw him in the water and you ended the episode there like because we're so trained that unless the head is on the ground rolling, he's still alive. Like, you might think, like, okay, is, like, you're supposed to think. Jamie's dead right now. He's in hot water, literally.

So I want the next episode to make it a point that like maybe we get something special like the dragon pulls jamie out because how else would he get out and now we have this face-to-face john jamie and daenerys like you know three powerful families can i here's an idea all right this is stolen from the internet too but jamie gets captive right're going to pull him out of the water. Now he's Danny's hostage, right? Danny sends a letter to Cersei and says, I'll issue Jamie for her sand snake chicks, right? Cersei says no. She shows Jamie the letter and Jamie changes alliances and starts working with Danny.

How cool would that be? Yes. Yeah. I think. I have a big feeling as well. So a white Walker is the, the, and I took a lead from what you were saying about us singing a different tune for

Jamie, because Jamie pushed Bran out of the window in episode one. We wanted him dead since episode one. And now I'm kind of like, I hope a dragon pulls his ass out of the water because he's just, he's good. And he's kind of redeemed himself a little bit. But when we look at the whole thing, like a White Walker were those, those, you know, like the Night King, like on horsebacker were those those you know like the night king like on horseback like in the first episode and the one that looks at john when he's he's in the

boat going across the water but the white walkers also have these zombies with them and they're two different things there's the white walkers and then there's the zombies that are the revived dead and it looks like the revived dead they're called whites whites right they don't have like a a brain of their own but like the white walkers do and we saw that scene where the guy the white walker uh takes the baby sacrifice and brings it to like you know uh white walker town and he puts the knife to the baby's face and the baby becomes a white walker not a white yeah so all i'm saying is in classic game of thrones from what i've learned everything ends up being the opposite like it's so important that the stark family gets their revenge oh wait red

wedding they're all dead that's not important and it's like, Jaime should die. And it's like, wait, Cersei should suffer. So it's not important that Jaime dies. And I want Arya to get her revenge on the Hound, but I want the Hound to still beat the Mountain. And these things need to happen. There needs to be these payoffs. And I'm waiting for these payoffs. And Daenerys, she should sit on the throne because she deserves it. Or maybe Tyrrian or maybe john snow and and meanwhile they're all fighting each other john snow doesn't even want to take a knee in front of her she's got all this pride and meanwhile the white walkers are advancing and i'm kind of thinking that all it takes is one episode with the right music playing and the right writing

with the right music playing and the right writing for all of us to be on team white walker and and and that's something that can happen is why would we not be introduced to the white walkers like we like if it was zombie movie they're relentless and that's what i used to think that it's zombies they're coming they're going to kill everything but they're not just zombies there's clearly like a society involved and they raise children so maybe there's a lot of humanizing factors that we would look at this and be like fuck all these terrible humans i kind of want the white walkers to just ice everyone i hope you're right i hope you're right at the very least i hope that the white walkers get some dialogue we get to know them we understand their motivations because so far they're just monsters right and and the

real threat is these monsters that come from the cold place that's not good enough let's do better right i don't feel like they're monsters as deep as everything is if he introduces them as not monsters that's when we step back and we're like oh shit i really like that white walker character and his motivation seems really relatable to me daenerys is starting to seem a lot like the mad king like she's really awesome daenerys is is really fucking annoying in this episode the entire first of all the whole battle lines up where Daenerys has thousands of guys on horseback and a dragon that she rides around. And they come upon the Lannister army, which is much, much smaller. And they're in the middle of traveling.

And so obviously they're not prepared to defend. And they charge in. Dany charges everybody in right into a spear wall. And then, like like two minutes later brings the dragon in when it's like you you could have just flown and then retardation of retardations she comes into the front line and with her dragon she blows a hole perpendicular to it when she could have gone straight down the line it It's like, you stupid bitch. I'm so tired of this character being so bad of a queen.

She could have won that entire battle without losing a single man. I don't think we can guarantee that she has full control over this dragon. This dragon did run away from her for a while. So I'll give an excuse to the show and say, I can't guarantee that she made the call the dragon is living in its own but are you guys part of the school that believes uh tyrian is a targaryen um i'm i don't know yet what is the thought process i don't know if i'm a member of that school dick is dick guys i have no fucking idea what you're talking about i'm sorry

dick guys of the school that tyrian is a targaryen is one of the funniest things I've heard. Are you telling me that Tyrion's not a Targaryen? You better fucking bet your ass that Targaryen is a Tyrion. If I've ever seen a Targaryen, fuck you. Fuck you, man. There's a full-on fight somewhere happening about that. Yo, this conversation's stupid. He's right.

I don't want to talk about it anymore. Oh, that's funny. You want to fucking put money if Tyrion is a Targaryen? I will say why I thought that, okay, before we abandon this conversation. No, keep talking. He loves it. I want that. Okay. Before we abandon this conversation. No, keep talking. He loves it. I want to hear it. Like, I'm immune to serialized shows for some reason.

They drive me. Because I can feel them conditioning me like a dog. I can't watch them. I never watch them. I fucking hate them. Curse. But if it helps, this one wasn't made to be a show necessarily. So it's not written as such to be like, how do we string them along?

How do we string them? So you do get, if that means anything in the long run, for you to watch it. But yeah, Tyrion, Tywin always says that Tyrion's no son of his. In the books, Tyrion's hair is described as slightly blonder than his brother and sister. Brother and sister. And this is the most important one. Tyrion's the only other person other than Daenerys that has touched a dragon and not died. He was in that cave and he went right up to it and touched it.

And it didn't kill him. I don't think that's like the dragon has a good read on him. I think it's just because he's of the dragon has like a good read on him i think it's just because he's he's of the dragon blood i can't decide how fucking smart we're supposed to believe these dragons are because one scene like it it'll like look coyly at a person and it's like something something's fucking happening in there and then the next scene you watch you know this retard dragon barreling down and spending a huge burst of flames to incinerate three people and it's like you know this retard dragon barreling down and spending a huge burst of flames to incinerate three people and it's like you know that there are hundreds about like you could

have given yourself like you have a long neck give it a little wag give a fuck when you drop a predator missile a cod you don't look for singles the dragon the dragon's also like four years old and i don't know what that translates to like dragon years but like it might be an infant it might be just like dogs they're 28 and there's only three of them right yeah one for denarius and one for tyrian oh and you know what else was interesting about the dragon yeah i do think that kind of makes sense the ty Tyrion being a Targaryen. And now, the fact that I'm saying that now, I feel like such a fucking... Tyrion is his dad's name that you said?

Tyrion is his name, and Targaryen is like one of the previous ruler families. Yeah, but you said another T name. It's a last name. Tywin. Tywin is his dad. Tywin's Tyrion is a Targaryen? That's the argument? Tyrion is a Targaryen?'s the argument Tywin's Tywinian is a Targaryen

this show is really important to me and you're ruining it I'm sorry they really honestly the way they do names in in Westeros

is they just put like three Y's in everything yeah if you look at it like you can tell he got a little lazy like Lord of the Rings

guy J.R.R. Tolkien that guy went god damn insane coming up with elvish and dwarven language that guy that guy also finished his books yes that's a good point to him that fat fuck george rr martin's gonna die of you know a heart attack before he gets anything done how much does it suck to be him right now like everyone's predicting their death and wanting books out of him more than they care about the man behind the stories. I honestly think if he never ever tunes into the internet and listens, he probably has a pretty awesome life. If he doesn't listen to the fat face.

Who does that though? Yeah. He listens. It gets to him. It gets to him. It has to. Didn't he delete his live journal or something? Did he?

I didn't know that. I know he had. Yeah. like delete his live journal or something did he i didn't know that i know he had yeah i bet if he had a live journal and the entries weren't just one after another like working on book working on book went golfing fuck you oh my god people are people are not happy with him because he retired after he's not like he's taking a weekend off. I, the fifth book came out when the first season of this show started and I finished it during the first season, all five books. And I was like, Oh,

like, all right, next book. I'm going to be so far ahead of this story. That was seven years ago. And the dude has done nothing but become a type two diabetic. And that's the producers. The producers have the end of the producers have the end of the story they know where it goes so it's kind of like it's it's now made for tv it's not a book anymore it's

like now it's a show does that aggravate you though it aggravates me no because i read the first book and then i watched the first season and the first season was so close to the first book that i was literally like i don't need to read them because i'll just read ahead and i'll be anticipating as i watch the show and i kind of appreciate that i didn't ruin like the red wedding for example because i didn't read it so i got the show version you know and uh so grateful to people like yourself that read the book and didn't spoil it or anything because it was like mind-blowing but like it was just so similar the book to the show that i was like oh great i don't need to read this shit i'll watch it when they do it so the original author is now writing fan fiction for this successful hbo series basically like it's well no he wrote

the books they took the five books they made it a show. The producers know where the show goes. And apparently he hasn't finished reading, writing it. And now the show writing is past the book writing. So I'm sure he's not going to write the book. They're going to make it. And then they'll just like, you know, put his name on the cover, but maybe, you know, they'll have some ghostwriters go and just put the show into like, you know, written. Wow. That's crazy.

So he's not even writing it any, like at the point of the fork, the books are going to put the show into like, you know, written. Wow. That's crazy. So he's not even writing it any, like at the point of the fork, the books are going to go along with the movies. Yeah. The books of the show. Yeah. The show is ahead of the books.

Wow. The show is like ahead. The show used to be behind the books. Yeah. There were five books when the show started and now the show is seven years in and there's still five books and everyone's very upset yeah and she's pointing out here he has two more books to finish he's 68 years old and 400 pounds 400 pound people don't live to 70 yeah and this isn't a john grisham book that you buy at an airport when you realize you forgot anything half decent to read these are thousand page tomes where he spends you know what if he if he took all the effort he puts into describing food and feasts and pot pies and and quail feathers dripping from the mouth of

the slaves upon which they feast or whatever the fuck he says like he will spend one paragraph on like and the battle commenced and victor was decided and then the next page will be like and the following day a feast was held in honor and the feast had pies and pig feet and you know cabbage wheel or whatever we haven't even talked about the table yet have you ever which table the table that they eat on oh my god it's important how thick is the table how is it he describes that the candles on the table it's he goes on with these feast things for pages the man loves his food he does like that's gonna constantly spoil his legacy if he doesn't finish those two books speaking of food like like it's a to uh harley's point that the producers know the end of it, but if you told me the end to it,

I don't think I would know all the individual tendrils of storyline that led there in the world of Twists. I don't think they have all that information, do they? Like everything he imagined? No, the producers know the right questions to ask. They're going to have all that stuff. They have every person's storyline fleshed out. I'm sure this entire Game of Thrones arc is literally on cue cards on a whiteboard, like somewhere in Hollywood, like beginning to end every character.

Like what happened? Is that enough, though? Like it's not the same if Jay, if Gurr Martin doesn't write it. and doesn't write it you know the thing is the thing is like the the show's already taken liberties in terms of dialogue and and scene selection that like what you've been getting from the show is what they made the producers made it not him um he set up the the universe and everything that they make but like the the showrunner is what's really taking taking the lead here you know and and since they've been working on it for five years and they know where it's all going it's like they've put in a lot of work into the universe just as he has

so like they're experts on the matter i trusted in their hands basically myself personally see that's where i was headed i feel like you know i feel like a lot of the changes that the show has made heck the whole going to dorm thing and leaving out what jamie was actually doing which i think was going to black river whatever the fuck he was doing that's the worst received episode yeah well it wasn't just one episode there was a whole like what jamie did all season you know going to dorn and that thing was a show change it wasn't like that in the books in the books he was leading an army it was the thing with him and braun against the phrase or you know with the phrase as bad partners or whatever um that was so much better in the book so i don't trust the show people to get it right if i knew how game of thrones end

ended and i laid it out for you which i couldn't it wouldn't be good because i'm not ger martin you know i need ger martin to be part of this okay ladies i think you know right now we're also dealing with like a couple of the most talented people in in the business running the show like they're they're like i i i just i trust them like i i i think like when decisions were made now, I think that they were made because they know things that are happening later. And remember, like George might have written himself into a position that he wishes he could have changed one or two things and it can make something different. You know, they have that foresight now with the show to cut things out or take some liberties. foresight now with the show to cut things out or take some liberties and the dorn episode i i didn't particularly enjoy it a lot but i also didn't hate it as much until i read the sentiments of people who read the book you know i was like it was hard so so mom stark caitlin stark i think

her name was caitlin um she's supposed to come back from like she gets resurrected she can't talk she's pale her slur she can't talk because her um throat was slit and now she's just a badass going for revenge that's her thing she you know aria stark has her list aria stark's kind of getting her thing book readers want lady stoneheart like that diversion is for the worst the sand snake diversion is for the worst most of the times that is different from the book it is for the worst the sand snake diversion is for the worst most of the times that is different from the book it's for the worst and that's why i want ger martin to write the book so that the show would have something to track but you get what you get um on another note uh i mentioned this um on the 15th, is that Tuesday?

August 15th? I believe so, right? Yeah, I'm doing a live competitive cooking show. On the Epic Mealtime channel. It is Tuesday. Yeah, we did. I used to do the show Epic Chef on the channel where it was competitive. And we brought in a couple of celebrity or actually online guest judges and had people compete in cooking.

And this Tuesday at 4 p.m., we're just going to go live from 4 p.m. to 7 p.m. And it should be – I think it's going to be pretty awesome. I haven't done Epic Chef in like 4 p.m to 7 p.m and uh it should be i think it's gonna be pretty awesome i haven't done epic chef in like five years and i modeled this whole thing to be like modeled after wwe like wwf in a weird way and i i made it like really internet and ridiculous so it's not like chopped ryan chef but like we have like uh like one matches the fidget spinner dinner and it's like we have two chefs like competing and they have a fidget spinner and like when the fidget spinner stops spinning they have to spin it again so they're basically only cooking once the like when the fidget spinner is spinning and if it stops spinning they have to stop touching and go

spin the fidget spinner again very very stupid we also have the high stakes match and the high stakes match was like modeled after a ladder match from wrestling so we have like two of our guys are competing cooking and the ingredient is steak but like it's literally the high stakes match because it's the the the main event and they have to climb a ladder to get to their grill to cook the steaks. So the steaks are literally going to be high off the ground. So it's going to be the high stakes match. Oh,

I just got it. I'm glad to see you've embraced the pun. I take back what I said about the genius. No, that's the most genius thing. So do you have any other, uh, pun related challenges for people

no the first the first match the first match we have two people that don't know how to cook they're gonna go live uh 1v1 with like you know secret ingredients and the second match is two people that do know how to cook and that's the fidget spinner dinner and then the main event is two cast members from epic mealtime and they're doing the high stakes match where they are literally going to be cooking steaks high up. Are you a pretty good... Are you pretty confident in your cooking ability now? Not like the, you know, John... I'm sorry, what?

I'm shit at cooking. No. Really? I thought you were good. You have great equipment. I know the recipes for the handlets that i host but like epic meal time i'm i'm not hands-on at all are you are you a good cook dick like do you cook for yourself no god no um

i don't know what it is about cooking that i can't do it's i think it's the impatience and the instructions and like as soon as i start reading the instructions i just got a voice in my head saying like no no you gotta you gotta do it your own way you gotta add your own you gotta add your own spin to boiling water uh now they say cook to 180 i'm a 140 kind of guy i think that's fine i resent reading the instructions is what it is and then it seems like so much work like yeah i get done with it i eat it and i think i feel like i wasted all my time that's where i am like i i like eating meals that are hard to prepare but i can't imagine putting like 40 minutes of work into a meal that

seems like it the payoff's not there. Yeah, that's like, some things literally take, you know, you start it and be like, gotta check on this in two and a half, three hours. It's like a whole day devoted, basically, to that.

Usually the payoff is pretty awesome, but then you're also cleaning up after and everything you used, you have to clean it. I don't know. I feel like the food always wins. The more time it takes me to make, then it beat me somehow. So you're all about quick meals, flavorless chicken and brown rice? Yeah, I am.

Woody, you talk about havingorge foreman chicken at your house for dinner i've had i i bought a george foreman grill my sophomore year of college and made two chicken breasts on it and of course it's entirely drained of flavor and fat that little bit that chicken has by the time you get it and cutting into that and taking a bite of it was like i imagine like fucking gladiators ate shit that tasted had more flavor like in their gruel like there's george foreman's grill does nothing but cook the flavor out of things it has been the core of my diet for five months now like it's april 15th oh yeah i've lost 23 pounds george foreman but see that it wasn't good it was but it's oh no no it's just what i eat now my um

standards that keep going down and and truth is a certain snobbiness to my attitude too like like i'll see actual good food and be like huh i wouldn't eat that you know that's for fat people and uh i made a cooking video on my channel when modern warfare 3 or modern warfare 2 was out and it was everybody hated that game so much that the video was just me cooking and a copy a disc copy of Modern Warfare 2 and adding spices and shit to it in the pan and turning it up real hot. I did not anticipate that when you

very highly cook a CD and you stand too close to it, your nose has a really, really awful sensation for a few days afterward from the stuff that you've inhaled. Yeah, so if you do not want to breathe in the colorful side of an Xbox 360 disc.

Believe you me. It's agent history now, so I'll ask. You used to have a video on your channel, and I think it was your girlfriend cooking in lingerie. Does this sound right to you? Whoa. Yes. Yeah, it was.

Which girlfriend was it? Was it the one that was on pk or from before her no it was the one that was on pk yep yeah and uh i uh i privated that one or took it down or something a while years ago that you privated it was you know what this video it was up it was up for one minute before i got like the youtube email notification of like your video has been demonetized and i was like ah fuck oh well but yeah that one got a good reception because and because the cake she cooked looked and smelled i imagine delicious yeah i remember and the cake we'll see but it wasn't the cake was good but it was it was more the uh it was more the very sexy lingerie on a beautiful woman wearing that she's

wearing she's wearing underwear and she cooks a cake and then she sits on the cake and farts on it cake oh no that was that was a video I did not upload oh but uh yeah the other one the other one was good you know it turns out that you really that nobody even pays attention to the cooking if there's a beautiful woman in lingerie and like everybody liked the part everybody really liked the part where she bent over to get the cake out of the oven and so you know that was probably the peak viewership of that. Anyways, link us or stop talking about it. If I can find it again, I will.

You know exactly where it is. You know exactly how to get it to me. I'll send that to you. That'll be on your watch list right after a deer fighting someone and whatever the fuck else is on your list now. Burning Man sex tapes. Sex tapes, yeah. Burning Man sex tapes. Sex tapes, yeah. Burning Man sex tapes. I mean, I bet

there's like a whole category of festival sex tapes that you can go to online. I bet that's what you look at before you go to festivals, dick, right? You get yourself in the thought process of, oh yeah, look at these gals. Yeah, if there's any pictures there, I don't want to go. That's the worst part.

It's like, everybody, get the cameras away. Get the cameras away because you're starting to make everybody realize that this is real life and that there's consequences to it. Fucking stop. Yeah. Yeah. Being reminded that consequences exist is a huge buzzkill. Yeah. It ruins any party.

It doesn't help you get laid. No. Especially the ones that in the middle of the day. Where is Burning Man? Like Nevada? I used to have parties where people would come over or things like that and I would like take cell phones and like keep them in an area.

It's a good idea. Just to make it so people are sociable. Yeah, it's literally, no, no no so that no one talks about the shit that's going down harley can throw a party i went to a harley party in vermont and i had to excuse myself uh one it was just inappropriate for a married person to be there and two like i didn't want to be like i don't know some asshole sitting on the couch not participating like behaving myself like nobody wants that stick in the mud there so i just disappeared into the into the room but we'll put a cigar in another

girl's butt i did there was a girl making orgasm sounds down there and i like i want like i'm like what's going on out there she was clearly making orgasm sounds and i to this day have no like was she goofing was she like i don't know what happened was there like a tennis court downstairs or anything it was uh it was like a ski lodge right so downstairs there was like you know big thick wooden furniture and couches and stuff and i've heard from Kyle as well that Harley throws a real rager. But there's another part about me that if I went to a party and someone was like, hey, put your cell phone in here, I would appreciate very much the thought of like, oh, yeah,

nobody's going to talk about what we're doing here. Also, we're going to be very social. We're not going to have enclaves of people just looking at their phone but also like you do have a thought of like is this guy going to murder me like is this is this preventative it's it's a scenario where it's not like at a party with like 30 people it's like you know eight people and you're all in the same room and they're over there you see your phone you can go over and look at it and stuff like that but just not it's just not chilling you know no one's like yeah and you're like what are you doing over there

i'll never know what happened at that party where the guy who's on his phone i told you a girl put a cigar in another girl's butt. I told you. Did someone smoke the cigar after? No. Well, that's good. It was a ski resort and we went in the winter and I went skiing

and the girls brought multiple bikinis for the parties. That's what they were. Probably a hot tub, right? I don't know. No, that was party attire for these girls. Yeah, they were dimes and they dressed in bikinis

and partied. 80% of bikinis that are purchased never see the water. Really? I either saw that on the internet or I made it up. Both reliable. Both of those could be the exact same thing.

Whether you made it up or saw it on the internet, they could both be false. It's one of those things that sounds right. That sounds pretty right. A lot of women buy really nice bikinis and you'll see them in these bikinis lounging out and then you'll be like, hey, let's get in the pool. And then they disappear for a minute, and they come back in some ratty bikini by comparison.

And it's like you have a show bikini and a swimwear bikini. I don't know. I just can't imagine it. Thank God nobody wants to look at my body that much. What about bonobo monkeys? If you give them a bikini, would they just sit out by the side of the pool? Have we tested that? No, no.

It's funny that we use... Throw the bikini and run to the truck section of Toys R Us. It's funny that we use bonobos as an illustration before being like, see, the females play with the dolls, the males play with trucks. And it's also like, yeah, and they all fuck each other. Like, the families fuck each other like the families fuck each other they all fuck each other the the men fuck the men and and and and the boys and the and the daughters and the moms and it's like it's like a crazy orgy and we're like look at that boy is going for the truck

the girl's going for the the doll just like you know and it's like yeah but everybody's sucking that monkey's dick so like there's way more at play here than than what there's definitely more more play than the i mean i've to be fair i've watched a lot of monkey videos i'd put my monkey watching video history on the internet up against the aggregate of your three and i would come out handily handily i've watched every monk I watch so many monkey videos. It's goddamn ridiculous. But what is the attraction to monkeys for you?

Because I know a guy who's also really into monkeys and I never got it. Me too. I'm into monkeys also. I think they're cool and they're neat. And when I was two years old, it's honestly like my first memory that is in my head that solidified.

When I was two years old, I was obsessed with gorillas and chimpanzees and monkeys. And I loved watching everything on TV about them. I had so many monkey toys that my second birthday, it was their second or third, one of them, my parents rented a monkey man to come to my birthday with two young chimpanzees. Kirby and Kimmy. Yes, those were their names. Kimmy and Kirby. They could have clawed your face off.

And little girl. I realized that I didn't have that knowledge. And my parents apparently didn't even fucking... Well, that wasn't around. But they could have gone to the library and looked it up, I guess. They brought monkeys to my birthday party they let them out of the cages and i remember just just the first time in my life ecstasy euphoria seeing these monkeys just doing playful things like i'd already opened

my presents and so like kirby the young male monkey i like handed him one of my presents, and he looked at it and examined it and dropped it. And I'm like, oh, he's thinking about playing with it. And then I got a little Kawasaki. You know those little tiny four-wheeler things that kids sit on and you go two miles an hour? I was riding that around as the monkeys were dancing and having a good time. Kimmy, that cunt monkey, she comes over over knocks me off of my kawasaki and drives it away i actually i i call my girlfriend cunt monkey by the way it's just funny to hear you say that in real life because like it's a cute nickname i have cunt monkey but anyways continue

just a this was a cunty monkey not an endearing one in any way. So for the rest of the party, I basically had to do the phone thing before these smartphones were even around, where I'd be playing with Kirby, and then when Kimmy would come around, I'd be like, oh, don't look at Kimmy, don't look at her, just play with something else, pretend, you know, let her have the Kawasaki. And I don't know why that didn't traumatize me into not liking monkeys.

If anything, it just made me like them more. You got got bullied by the monkey i got bullied by one of the monkeys the other one was super and so you know it wasn't too bad if anything it taught me you know a little bit of character when a when a monkey pushes you off your kawasaki what do you do you go play with your other monkey i actually i i love i love monkeys because it's just it's uh they're they're so interesting because it's so it like there's just so many things where you're like wow like i saw a bonobo video where it's like uh they put one in a cage and he's in a cage and he's there and then they have another one and they put all of this food in the middle of that cage that is accessible by another bonobo. So one of them is locked up and in an adjacent cage is a pile of food and the other bonobo can go in.

The other bonobo would go in and use this like kind of like somewhat like advanced mechanism to open the other door for the other bonobo. Even if it was a stranger bonobo, he would go and open it and open the door and then they would split the food. And they always did that. They always shared. And if there are like closest relative, it's interesting. And you think of them and you think of us, like they're the one, I believe the one ape that doesn't kill, like they don't like, you know, it's, you know, maybe ideally we could be more like bonobos, you know, split the food, open the cage. Uh,

is it a boy or is it a girl? It doesn't matter. Fuck them. It'd be more fun to be like a gorilla, to be like running gorilla, you know, like that's, that's the grand poobah of,

of monkey town town in my opinion is the wild silverback that's got that harm of bitches who know exactly what they need to be doing to keep that guy's attention and all he has to do all day all that dude has to do all day is look out for adolescent smaller gorillas and then if they wander too close you just go and use your gorilla strength and beat the shit out of them and probably tear their balls off because that's nature. That's what they do.

Yeah, that's what I would want to be. I wouldn't want to be a bonobo. Chimpanzees do and gorillas, I'm sure they do as well. All primates are pretty vicious in a lot of ways. If you fucked with a bonobo, it could fuck you up. I saw a video. There's multiple videos of chimpanzees doing that there's a video where a um a chimpanzee wanders into the uh the territory of a rival gang and it's almost

like a movie where you know and of course like david fucking attenborough is is reading about it and describing it with no sense of wonderment or interest. Like when you're watching a monkey tear another monkey apart, you should be like, oh, he's ripping his testicles off. Look at that. His fingers fucking gone. And David Attenborough just sits there and talks about the wondrous trees and bugs experiencing. It's just I don't I don't know. He bothers me in some ways. But basically, this monkey ran in. All the other monkeys descended as a horde, Mad Max style,

pulled him down, and the main monkey grabs his balls and just rips them off. And then they all start digging into the monkey in the way that zombies do, where they just kind of put their fingers like this on the stomach of the monkey and tear it open and start eating this thing. This is YouTube.

No, but where did it happen? Oh, I have no idea. Fucking Botswana? I don't know. That is crazy. Gyms are apparently like four times stronger than your average male. Yep. They're like infinitely stronger. And it's just crazy because

they're like, you know, half just crazy because they're like you know half your size it's illogical now no it's it's true think about it it's it's muscle density yeah it's like uh leverage their arms are much longer than ours like their their forearm and i watched some video that explained for some reason like the that torque i don't i don't know some physics word whatever they get from that long arm really contributes to that too very strong video of uh of uh silverback gorillas and they were in a line and they were just kind of going and they were like in the jungle and there was a couple photographers taking their pictures right nearby and one of the apes was walking by one of the gorillas and it literally casually grabbed one of the photographers

and kept going and literally dragged him 10 feet like he was nothing and the photographer was just lying there getting dragged and apparently it's like it's it's their demonstration every now and then when we get really close that they're like you know i could fuck you up right okay just think think about that for a second and they like left him there i saw a tiger do that and um it wasn't it was a um tourist at a zoo i wish i had the words for it this tiger be like bit the guy from the back of the neck and he dragged him as he walked the tiger's stride didn't change the tiger's net he wasn't like you know dragging it like struggling with it it was like he had picked up a small branch and a dog was playing fetch it's like a tree no problem yeah this guy and i think he broke into like a little

gallop or something with the human dragging it was a smallish guy leo call him 145 pounds but it was nothing to this tiger and that was very impressive that tiger was stupid strong thing i could take about animals having superhuman strength is that you just compare let's talk about uh core competencies you know the core competency of a human being i can sudoku around anything in the animal kingdom i haven't i've done it i've done one sudoku in my whole life put the most difficult one in the world in front of me and put the most simple one in the world in front of any creature in the animal kingdom and i will blow it out of the water that's our core competency we we see patterns and we solve problems better than anything else in our own way meanwhile like we're weak as fuck. The strongest human being, Brock Lesnar,

if he had to fight a female chimp that weighed a third of him, that chimp would fucking kill him. It wouldn't be close. It wouldn't be like, man, Brock really got a good switch. No, no. You know what happens when you hit a human being in the face? They go, oh, fuck, I need to weigh options here. You know what happens when you punch a monkey in the face? It goes, oh, I don't know what to do other than to tear scrotum and eyes from face and groin like it doesn't know anything else to do so it's just that's what i'm impressed by with animals is like they're so much more impressive in their physicality than us even though we could be bigger we could be taller lankier doesn't fucking matter a little tiny monkey or a little sea creature like they're so much stronger than

us because they have to be like imagine a monkey out there with the upper body strength of homo sapiens you think we could scurry up into fast enough fucking fat chance every time every time he swings from branch to branch he'd be like if he just had like a regular human upper body you do that with like like rocks and stuff too like imagine if i punched this rock there's no way that it that it would be able to take this boulder i mean but yeah that's all right that's that rock's core competency you know yeah i'm gonna try to fight this wave coming in i wouldn't stand a chance i mean it okay well when you put it like that then it sounds stupid but

no it's just a car although your your exact your exact analogy if you took it, but we first have to run a 15-mile marathon, then every other animal loses to you instantly. Because once you put them in a room, they go to sleep because they can't help it. And we have runners high and are ready to fight and stomp them into the ground. Not only are we problem solvers, but we have the best endurance on the planet there's another one that's close i forget what it is is it the one uh i'll i'll google it i'm really curious now our fine motor skills are better than anything else far and away like uh that's the thing with chimps they don't have any fine motor skills they're like all or nothing with every movement. What are you looking up, Woody?

Monkey facts? I want to know what the best running animals are. I think it's probably us and then horse. I'm going to go with sled dog, although I'm not sure. Wait, for endurance? Yeah, it's us and the horses. A camel. Camel's better.

Better than a camel is a pronghorn antelope. Better than a camel? Really? Actually, equal to a pronghair antelope is an ostrich. And that's where it ends. An ostrich would fuck you up.

Remember you were saying, Woody, that you wouldn't lose a fight to whatever ends an ostrich would fuck you up remember you were saying woody that you wouldn't lose a fight to whatever an ostrich would fuck you up an ostrich set it up joe lozans octagon fight me a pair you're right here ostrich you fucking fight woody at packs or he's gonna make a diss track on you and ksi i would pay i would pay a $100 for a YouTube live event where you fight an ostrich. Oh, my God. I wouldn't consider buying the Mayweather fight at all because I just don't care. I'll watch the series of GIFs for free the following day. But this right here, you fighting an ostrich, I'd pay $200. And if I could get a front row seat to this 30-second bloodbath.

Yeah, you die. You actually die. What weapons does an ostrich have? Head and neck. Head and neck. It's a whip. You're getting headbutt. You're getting headbutt so many times. Who's to say he's not getting headbutt? I have a head, I have a neck.

That's bad for you I just don't get why people are so low on the predator list in this world of you we're high we're like top 20 how big do you think an ostrich is 6 foot 8? 6'8". 6'11".

To 9'2". 9'2"! That's a big bird. That's kicking all of our asses. If all four of us tried to fight a 9'2 bird, there would be four dead men laying in the dust minutes later. And that's only if someone made the ostrich keep fighting back.

Hopefully it only kill one or two of us and then get bored. I'm jumping on the back. I'm going right to like straddle the neck and weigh the whole head down onto the ground. That's what I'm thinking. I think I'm probably faster than at least one of you. And so I'm going to bank on that. I think once I'm holding the head and I'm weighing the head down, you guys each sweep the legs at the knee or the ankle, like break that shit.

Once it can't stand, we're fucking, we're eating ostrich for dinner. We can do this. We should do this. We should do this. We have to fucking kill an ostrich together on YouTube. We got to take YouTube back from the drama. How fucking, can you imagine the news story and how much hate and how big of a story that would be if four white guys bought an ostrich and as as a joke, fought it to the death as a YouTube video? Oh, my God.

We'd have to go on CNN. Who's the dentist lion dude? Kickstarter. Yeah, because if it was a dentist lion dude, they'd be like, well, you know, actually, this Cecil the lion, they purchased him, and it ended up being good for the reserve. Oh, is that kind of the same thing

those four guys on YouTube did with the ostrich? No, no, they broke into a zoo and escaped with it. Because you can't order it offline. You probably can. Woody wanted the little one. Turns out that was like a recent mother. Yeah.

It's like me and my dad bought a zoo meets Fight Club. We just have a fake zoo and get all these animals in that we need to fight for some reason it's all just for fun that's just an excellent movie in itself these guys just buy a zoo to start an underground animal fight club pay pay if you ever wanted to you ever wanted to fight an animal now you can do it that's exactly what like i've said a million times if i was a multi

multi-billionaire i'd buy professional football teams and professional baseball teams and make them play ice hockey against each other and things like that. But I would also buy zoos up willy-nilly and make huge animal fights. Like, gorilla versus fucking, I don't care, a horse. It doesn't matter. I'm rich. I can do whatever I want. I can throw whatever I want in there. Throw a person in there. Do you ever think about that? Your own

gladiatorial games with animals? I think about it twice a day. I do think about if I had a time machine, people are always like, oh yeah, go back and kill Hitler or whatever. I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't want to fuck with anything.

I watch too much Star Trek and I'm way too aware about the prime directive. I wouldn't fuck with anything or touch anything or do anything other than I would go and attend some good old fashioned Roman death matches.

And I would go watch like, you know, one guy versus a lion or five lions versus a tiger or chariot races where people are burning each other and stuff. And I would just take that moment to appreciate, you know, living today. I know the relative times of like when the hot company was like I could buy ibm and then microsoft and then cisco and then probably apple or google and i would be so rich just that's what i would do but the fun part isn't thinking about making the money because of course if you go back if you put any of us back in time five years from now and then fast forward again, we're all going to be inordinately wealthy because it doesn't take a time.

In my dreams, I feed this information to young me, somehow get my father's trust and make the whole family just like stupid fucking rich throughout my whole life. You know what I imagine happening is I would be back in time setting the groundwork for my animal fighting arena, and then a version of me with a cyborg eye would appear and be like, you know not of what you do! And then, you know, whisk me back to the fucking future. Or something like that. Oh, man. That would be fun.

Snakes versus all sorts of birds, but the bird's wings are clipped to make it a little more fair. That sucks. The bird has nothing. No, no, bird's wings are clipped to make it a little more fair? That sucks. The bird has nothing. No, no, that's not fair. Yeah, yeah, because the bird has hollow bones. No, but I find the snake as well.

No, give the snake to me. This is like Saw, but for animals. It's a sick thing that you're doing. I'm an animal lover. Clipping the bird's wings and fighting them ten at a time?

This is what you would do with a billion dollars. Yeah, that's exactly what I would do. They'd be like, you know, Taylor, a lot of people are still dying at ALS, and I'd be like, oh, how about you go get yourself a big cup of ice water and take care of that? I got a lot of monkeys over here I'm going to fight.

That's exactly what I'm going to do. And you guys are just saying, you're just not going to do that. I totally wouldn't do that. I mean, you can go watch animals fight right now. You can just go outside or go into the wild.

You don't need billions of dollars to deliver. I can walk around Missouri as long as I want. I'm never going to find a monkey fighting something of interest. I'll find skittish deer maybe getting attacked by a black bear. It wouldn't be as fun. How many black bears

does it take to kill a brown bear? That's not a riddle. It's a feature film. Michael Vick went through everything you're describing, but just dogs. But everything you're saying... No, I wouldn't do it with dogs. Doing it with dogs is cruel. I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't think of that.

Right, because your mind, your imagination has been so limited thus far that you wouldn't even think of a dog. We all have limits you know i wouldn't do it i do oh my god cats all day yeah yeah that's that's hate you and they hate your friends and they hate your family they like i've never met a cat or that's not true i met one cat ever that was actually chill and cool and likable and more dog-like.

All the rest have been horrible. The only thing that can give a cat is that it's like a dog. That's what you can say. I can't say that. Apparently, cats, from what I understood, in ancient Egypt, they were scavengers that went through your garbage, and that's how they survived, the scavengers. But they soon came to realize that if they rubbed

up on a human's leg and purred and like did cute things that they would get better food than what was in the garbage and they would actually get fed so cats are like you know like uh hundreds of generations of manipulators like they're they're literally like they're apparently they're they're they're meow is like uh an imitation of a baby's cry and a lot of their mannerisms were picked up off of manipulating humans by being cute to get better food rather than to scavenge for it apparently that's what i heard makes a lot of sense because they're all dickheads i read a similar thing about um there's this i don't know what it's called, like Westinghouse syndrome or something like that, that humans get where they will act like puppies do when

they see you. Like they'll act like they'll act like a human, you know, not like not like a furry, but they're just like really excited to engage with everyone. And they're always got a big smile on their face.'s a real thing it's a real genetic disorder but then someone was saying that somewhere along the line a hundred thousand years ago a bunch of dogs got that and those a bunch of wolves got that and those are the ones that became dogs and all dogs are just like wolves that happen to get that and treat us like that well if if you come across a wolf like that and then breed that wolf you know what i mean because you're like well that wolf's a cool dude he's

happy to see us he's a friendly one oh this one too like let's make more like i even look at like i looked at a document it was dogs from a hundred years ago and it was like a picture of like a german shepherd a hundred years ago and now and it's like the version of it now is like pitiful compared to what it was. Even like, like not such noble dogs, like a wiener dog is considerably more capable a hundred years ago. But we, we buy into the like helpless and cute aspects. Like, oh, look how like droopy its ears are and look how it's like belly is rubbing against the ground it's short legs look how we bred it to have sleep apnea we like buy into these like bad dogs that are like cuter and it creates them so i can imagine

like it just seems like one of those logical things that like you know a wolf had this condition and then they were just you know you you kind of like take over evolution in a way i want a pet skunk i would love a pet skunk i would love a domesticated skunk with no no which is apparently they have like 20th generation's domesticated skunks with like their stink glands removes and like their their pets why you want a skunk they're they're cool they're cool i actually i would love a raccoon also like raccoons have five fingers they have hands i don't know if it's five but they have a thumb i think they have four and it's like a simpsons i saw this i saw this video on instagram and it was like a raccoon running up to like these three

cats are eating their food during like feeding time and this raccoon kind of walks in between them and they're all like whoa what the fuck and he's there like chill chill like he's got his hands literally he's like relax and they're like who the fuck is this guy and he like grabs their food and he's looking at them and like he like dunks it in the water. And then he like can eat it faster because it's squishy. So like instead of like crunching it like and taking time, he's just like and he's like looking at them like you like that shit. And he's like taking the food and like shaking it in the water to make it squishy and eating it faster. And then she notices the woman who's holding the camera, the raccoon does. And he's like, what's fuck? And he, like, backs up slowly.

And then, like, he slowly walks back to the cats and once again takes, like, a huge handful and then just books it with the food. Like, just books it right out of the garage, like, running on his hind legs. And I'm like, I wish I had one of these just because, like, the amount of trouble it would get in. Just the fact that it'll walk on its hind legs and has hands. I'm going to teach it to roll me joints at that point. It's the exact same thing as owning a monkey, owning a raccoon. In idea, you might think, oh, that'd be super cool. I could be like, hey, Jimbo, go grab me a beer or whatever.

But in reality, you look away for one second and this raccoon or this monkey is going to be causing mayhem. And it can pick up items and spill shit and knock over candles or whatever the fuck else can shit in its hand and throw it at you and get you and it will shit in its hand and throw it at you if you upset it they're not tactful animals monkeys have terrible asses and ball sacks that's that's the thing that i don't like when i look into like oh if i bought a monkey and i never would like i i'd buy a capuchin like an organ grinder monkey and then i look them up and because no no they're very smart and you guys just want to live in like a dunstan check spin off yeah exactly that's where everyone gets their monkey love from i only care about animals

if i'm telling a woman i like dogs and then then I'm like, it's just something I got to feed every fucking day. Well, no, like, yeah, you're right. It is kind of Dunstan Checks In-esque. I haven't watched that movie in fucking 20 years. But looking back on it, that Dunstan Checks In movie, as a kid, I'm like, why is everybody raining on the parade? It's just a monkey and a kid hanging out in a hotel. And looking back, it's like, God, like those poor people, like someone could have been

hurt by that monkey throwing silverware in the goddamn lobby and attacking bellhops. Can you imagine the fear of a bellhop being getting paid 540 an hour at that time? And a goddamn chimp comes traipsing at you with anger in its eyes. No, you're not going to lose your nutsack for this. Maybe that movie is what ingrained in me a very unhealthy idea

of what monkey companionship is all about. You should see all those old... They have all these old videos from 1950s TV shows where they have monkeys dressed up in clothing and they're like scaring them by dropping tons of bananas from off camera like on the ceiling and the monkeys are dressed in humans clothing smoking cigarettes like screaming and like jumping around and freaking out and it's like somewhat made into like a tv show and you're just like these

fucking monkeys are tortured right now like they are that one hates ties yeah all they want to do is like fuck each other and eat their own shit and instead we're dressing them up and like putting cameras in their face and lights and stuff and a lot of them have perpetually visible dicks which is not something you want in a pet like the capuchin thing like i looked him up and i saw like from from here up it's like man that just looks like a normal little monkey doing fun things. Because they're smart enough to learn tasks. But then you see lower, and its dick is just like a twig off the side of a small tree that's just sticking straight up at all times with its goofy head. And it's like, I cannot at any point be like, come, Samson, and hit my legs. And then he bounds up there like no it's gonna be a

dick right in my face i guess what he was had enough of monkey talk yeah i just i just had this realization taylor that you've probably had the like the insane weird fantasies that we always have just idly going around you've probably dreamed at one point sitting in traffic that like a circus train would break down or crash and that all the animals would just get out and fight and like you'd be able you were there at ground zero to see who the real highlander of the circus was like was it the giraffe whipping his head around was it like a walrus using a giraffe a giraffe beats a lion like yes yes There's a video of that. I was surprised about that because you see Lion King

and the lion rules everything. The lion rules over all and giraffes are just an extra in the Lion King. But then you Google that shit and it's like, if a lion is going to attack a giraffe, he's desperate or she's desperate and they're doing it like four or five's desperate and they're doing it

like four or five of them and they're probably going to get stomped and headbuttoned fucked up and that's what happens they get trampled giraffes just kick them and trample them what you said dick there's nothing i could imagine i would gladly sit in traffic for hours if it meant that i was the one with windows rolled up, preferably next to the circus truck that breaks down. And then the fucking, you know, gay German guy who runs it has to get out and be like,

Oh no, Rutherford and, and Ian are fighting, keep them apart. And then they fucking have to do their thing on that. I would love to see a, not a giraffe and a, and a lion.

Cause to Harley's point, that'd be a quick one. But I'd really, I'd like to see someone else in traffic get out and be like, now what's going on here? And then fucking boom, evil to the face. Yeah, like a guy's coming back from a Raiders game who are drunk and then like a circus breaks down. That's it. We got a fucking lot like the l like the la lakers riots just spilling over into a circus train wreck uh animal talk well i guess uh we should call it a show we've been going for a while dick and harley

or i guess harley first Where can everybody find your shit? YouTube.com slash Epic Mealtime. Like I said, we're going to be live August 15th at 4 p.m. It's going to be really cool when we do Epic Chef, online competitive cooking. And at HarleyPlays is my account for Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, I guess. And Harley Morinstein on YouTube. Oh, and you know what? I made a really nerdy Instagram account called Young Toyboy, spelled Y-U-N-G.

And I take excellent photographs of my action figure collection and my collectibles. And I have quite the collection. excellent photographs of my action figure collection and my collectibles and i uh i have quite the collection and it's quite the uh quite the nerdy instagram account if you were into that shit i don't know you might like it young toy boy i'm actually talking to you to you guys dick woody and taylor i'm saying for you guys to check out my account young i will check out young guys too but all three of you guys i heard young toy boy i was hoping it'd be very different but all three of you guys i heard young toy boy i was hoping it'd be very different yeah i i mean i honestly i'm i'm happier with the way it went

i thought it was like young toy boy like toys as in like uh like i'm putting together my own peg city yes that's right yeah or yeah you know maybe uh yeah uh if you want to see an actual young toy boy, go to DickShow.com. That's not where my site is. My site is TheDickShow.com. But it was too cheap to buy the gay domain, and so now they've really got me by the balls. As they'd like to do, yeah. It's a legit site. Some dude goes what this is what the guy's into i mean it's right there right in your face but go to the dick show.com dick.show also works patreon.com slash the dick show too definitely check out

dick's podcast i listen every week it's excellent oh thanks string things on yeah i gotta come on. Yeah, I should come on. I'll get your info for it after this. Maybe I'll call in and leave a rage or something. Yeah, if you like drama, definitely call in to definitely listen to this show, because we stretch everything out. We've got guys boxing each other. They can't

keep it in their pants long enough to promote their Trump sci-fi books or their comedy podcasts, whatever they got. can't keep it in their pants long enough to promote their trump sci-fi books or their comedy podcasts whatever they got but um yeah we we deal in a lot of drama i can't not get it's an excellent show i recommend it also harley obviously you guys all know that and one final word from our friends at the elder scrolls introducing the elder scrolls legends heroes of skyrim the latest from bethesda the elder scrolls legends is a new mobile strategy card game that immerses gamers into dragons, the world, and the lore of an award-winning Elder Scrolls universe. From building your deck to taking on foes in one of the game's three exciting modes, every decision you make will require strategy and careful planning.

The Elder Scrolls Legends is available for download globally on both Android and iOS devices today. Welcome, travelers, to the throat of the world. You can also find NatureBox, MeUndies, and Audible information. Links below. All wonderful, wonderful sponsors that we love to have on our show. PKA episode 10. Yeah, yeah, 10 too. Hey, are we ever going to find out if Terwin's Tyrnion is a Targaryen?

Are you guys going to have a pool on that? Like, can you gamble on that? Maybe we'll do that. We'll talk about that on my show. We'll try to figure out if Terwin's Tyrion is a Targaryen. Yeah, call me up for that episode. We will. We'll all be on there and talk about if Tyrion is a Targaryen.

Oh, I feel like such an asshole now.