Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #365

Episode Date: December 22, 2017

This week on PKA, Filthy Robot is back man! The guys break news on Dr Disrespect telling the world he's cheated on his wife, we look over some chocolate molded buttholes and Taylor tells us some interesting bully stories from his P.E. classes in school.

We're live, Painkiller already, episode 365 with our guest, Filthy. Kyle? Yeah, a couple sponsors tonight, Movement Watches, Dollar Shave Club, Omaha Steaks, and Bespoke. So we'll talk more about those later on in the show. Of course, there are links down below if you just can't wait. But yeah, I got our guest, Filthy. We've got some very interesting topics tonight that maybe he could add some expertise to. Right off the bat, let's give some thanks to filthy for for

stepping up big time with some some recording assistance tonight you overplayed your hand by offering and yeah you got called on it that's the worst thing ever like have you ever offered somebody like a ride not thinking that they would ask like that they would actually accept it and then they're like oh yeah like that would be super helpful if you came to the airport at 11.45 at night on a Tuesday. It's like, fuck! He's a streamer! Before

the show started, I was adjusting everyone, getting it right, and my computer crashed, which made me nervous, like my computer's not reliable. And Filthy was like, do you want me to do a backup? Hell yeah, we do. Let's put the rest of that story in. First, you asked Chiz to do a backup. And Chiz replied by saying, no, my computer randomly restarts. Then we kind of looked awkwardly around at Taylor and Kyle, who didn't say a fucking word.

And then we spent like 15 more minutes just sitting here. And they're like, all right, fine. I can offer. So we'll see. Let's hope it doesn't come to that. But I'm not sure that I was sitting there just waiting to to like to to offer to help but i'm not sure quite quite quite i mean i could like point my cell phone camera at the screen and get a report oh i'm sorry you're that one fucking musical guest again what was his name like yonish or something i showed up in his

camera he was like all right let me adjust my phone. And I was like, well, at least put it in landscape, not portrait, dude. He's like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he literally had his phone like this recording. I was livid. I was livid. I should have kicked. Ah, a braver version of me 10 minutes into the show would have been like, get the heck out. How dare you disrespect my show by holding a flipping cell phone up.

It was like Worldstar hip-hop fight quality. Portrait and everything. To the credit of Worldstar hip-hop, that's the only way I truly feel comfortable that a fight is real is when it's filmed poorly. If it's got a stabilizer on it and it's somebody really getting in getting in deep it's like oh this is probably you know some sort of a bamboozle but anyway we had something to go to off the bat as always around talking about nothing so Kyle you found a really great thing that you can do for a loved one or maybe a mom or dad for Christmas. Yeah. Grandma. Grandma. Yeah. Can you relate it? Your tax person. I think it's illegal to go the other way, though. I think

you can go up in generation, but I think if you do this down in generation, you're probably going to jail. Oh, you and your, you know, thank God we have an expert in child molestation on the call. station on the call two experts apparently so basically what this is is a uh you can take a mold of your butthole and then they can make a nice tasty chocolate tart out of your tart and so that's pretty great you can also get it made out of bronze uh they have white chocolate milk chocolate dark chocolate uh you you don't even have to like do it by skin color like kyle for example i bet he has a very very white asshole but he comes on if you wanted to please tell me please what i want to hear tiller is that this comes in with like uh you know you have you bite into some of the chocolates and have something on the inside please tell me this is one

of those ones tell me this is not just like pure chocolate right oh like there's some caramel in there that smushes in your mouth. You've got fucking blackberry. For all I know, they have a standard mold. I don't know the fingerprint of my butthole so well that I would be like, that's not me. Oh, I couldn't pick my butthole out of a lineup. I have no idea

what's going on back there. Yeah, come on. I picked mine right out of a lineup first of all there is a video if you scroll down of a butthole being molded and i think it's safe for work because it's a just yeah click the link scroll down a bit and there's a there's an animated gif and there's a lovely young lady inverted if you will and there's a man dressed as a doctor. Let's just say that. He's as much of a doctor as Ice Poseidon was with that Hitachi on that girl in the hotel room.

I believe there was a rabbi there, so this is kosher butthole. But he's got a funnel and some chocolate, and he's pouring it on her butthole. Oh, wait. I thought there'd be a layer removed. I didn't think you put the chocolate right on. Yeah, okay.

You took it a step too far. They're not, like, actually pouring chocolate into this lady's asshole. No, that's how it works, Taylor. They're making you mold, I hope. There's a little bit of seepage in there, so it's like, you know, just like one long strand that hardened that got it. All right, all right. Pinch it off now.

Pinch it off now. Pinch it off now. What if you're just like a total whore and you go do this and they're like, alright, we're going to need a lot more plaster than usual. We lost the first six ounces. You know how you can get those Reese's cups that are enormous? Like you get your wife's butthole

and it's just this gigantic... Whoa, I thought this was bite-sized! Or if it's like a gay- Grandma! If it's like a gay prostitute, you know those things they do in Ant Hills where they pour molten silver in there? And then they pull it out and they're like, who could've known? Like, that's what they do, they just- Like a long, long chocolate treat.

Chocolate like, Easter bunnies. Like, you know, the one on the show here these like little ones you get in like a box of chocolates you need one of these like i think a special person might get this and come back with like one of these like two foot long easter bunnies of chocolate of their asshole with like the whole insides mapped out i'd be pretty this doesn't look that much different than a regular chocolate to me like i feel like some would come in roughly like an asshole are they scented? I hope not. Like chocolate, I hope. But I feel like... I mean, the point of this is a gag gift, right?

I want peanuts in mine. It could be. Is that corn? Exactly. This is the type of thing you need to see in this. If they were going to really do this to its maximum, they should be playing with this. Not just kind of like half-assed

in it, you know, no pun intended. They're making them look gourmet and fancy. Like, they need to go the complete opposite way. Taylor, how much will we have to pay to get your butthole molded and get some of these out on the market for the fans? Oh, man. $40, $45?

And I get to keep some of the chocolate. So there you go. Can you imagine this fake doctor's job? This must be the way gynecologists feel where your entire good a day at work is, is totally contingent on who walks through the door that morning. Like this guy, when this kind of cute

girl came in, he's like, oh, alright. I get to plaster this chick's asshole and the whole time pretend that I'm Not like like staring right at her pussy. You know because she's got her legs up and like a stirrups basically like I'm afraid I'd imagine if I walked in there like he'd have to do some shaving some hair removal back there Otherwise you'd get some wisps in the years ago. I had a complete hemorrhoid ectomy great 15 years ago I had a complete hemorrhoid ectomy. What 15 years ago, I had a complete hemorrhoidectomy. What if there's a scar or something on it? I don't know.

No. No, the hemorrhoidectomy is – those were, I think, veins, but hanging out of your butthole in flames. So they just cut those out. But your butthole is fine. I need to check this out. Oh, I've seen it. Every butthole – You're A-OK.

Well, thank you. You know, I was nervous. Every butthole is as unique as a fingerprint. Did you know that? Well, yeah. I always suspected. I would like to see the science behind it. I don't know if that's really true, but that's believable.

Definitely believable. That's the future. That's when you know the Orwellian world's getting out of control. It's like, ah yes, let's take your retinal scan. Yeah. Someone's been taking it in the ass. I don't think you'll be able to shop here anymore. Nothing. Go back and get it re-evaluated. Yeah, I don't know why they're always German.

Well, I know why they're always German, because it always ends up being Germans. Dude, how many times, I don't remember what comedian it is. It could have been Japanese. I don't remember what comedian it is. It could have been Japanese. It might be, I don't remember what comedian, but he was like, you know, like it was Germany, or maybe it was Norm Macdonald. He's like, and then in World War I, it was Germany versus the world. And you would think that the world would win easily, but Germany put up a good fight.

And then in World War II, it was Germany versus the world again. And wouldn't you know it, they almost won. And it's like, if you try and attack the entire world twice, we should have broken that country up into more than two sides. We did. No, we only broke it up into two. East and West Germany, right?

That's not more than two. Turn it into little tiny countries. Get it under control. Ah, I see. And then with the EU, I say you really turn it into little tiny, little tiny countries. Get it under control. Ah, I see. Because then, like, and then, like, with the EU, Germany's like, you know, we can't do this, like, attack thing again. What if we just, like, get all of them to, like, agree to come here for Aussie politics, yeah? They're not going to fall for that.

It's 45 years ago we attacked the entire world, and now they're going to come here and put us in charge of a union. And then I can't believe this fucking worked. It's a diplomatic victory, and it's just as legit as any other one. That really is true. Oh, that's funny. But chocolate buttholes, back to that. We're going back to that. If I had one, I wouldn't want the chocolate kind.

I would want one of these bronze anuses. If that wasn't gold, I'm so disappointed. Oh, no, they wouldn't waste gold on an asshole. And bronze is just as good. Nobody's gonna touch it. I gotta watch this video to see if this is gonna be... If we could watch some of the video. It does say bronze on it, so... $1900 for a bronze asshole. That's it?

That is... I mean, I think... Oh, my God, that doctor is... All right, you got to look at this doctor. Can I watch it on the show? Well, I'm... Oh. I think we should not watch it on the show.

Oh, my. Oh, my. I don't know. I don't know. What time stamp are you at? 3.30. 3.30. Yeah, so at 3.30, they have the woman inverted, if you will,

and then the camera is just looking straight down at her asshole and vagina. And look at Taylor's eyes. He just got there. They just superimpose a star over each of her orifices. No, there's a star of David and then, like, a sheriff's badge over her pussy and asshole. Well, I'm going to take it off the big screen, but I certainly have to see this. Maybe we can get some audio for the show. Oh, my God, this guy is not a doctor.

He looks like Rufus. He's got gloves on that he uses to touch patients' assholes, and he is touching his face all over. He just licked the finger. He's touching his face now. Oh, now he's pulling his he's He's got his face! You're not even kidding! Wow I love my job I love coming into work every day

I love my job I love coming to work Oh he's pushing his eyes at his nose! And then he's clustering this woman's butthole and there's definitely some seepage going into her pussy. I wonder if they like give you a you know a pussy cherry tart or something Him applying this green body to her butthole. She's cute. She's a little heavy

Did you just offer to I could read your fortune in it later if you want oh? at 440 Well, he's a multi-talented doctor. He reads butthole fortunes. After this, I'll show you my skin lamps. I could jerk off. A dead cat's head in my freezer.

So this is on YouTube, by the way. The title is Alternative Model Has Her Anus cast in Ron starring Raina terror it's on riot TV that's the channel and there are almost 14 million views and we're watching so we can't judge yeah comments are disabled works good ID Wow Wow man how embarrassing would that be if a little stain came out when they removed your asshole plaster?

I bet she had some concerns with this. She probably enema'd beforehand. I hear what you're saying, but I've always thought that girls get totally embarrassed if there's poop on your dick or something like that. It's like, yeah, we knew the risks going in. No. Really? Dude, if you're putting your dick in an ass, there's a risk. That's where the poop comes from yeah we knew the risks going in you know like oh really dude if you're putting your dick in an ass that's where the poop comes from you knew the risk going in look if there's not an enema taking place before i always say preparation is key and i

expect people to read into that and understand that there is a that first of all the young lady has watched her diet carefully the the 36 hours beforehand you know and second of all you're thinking maybe it doesn't get to eat until you're finished in her asshole yeah that's usually the tip right is you know hey you're going to come over and we're going to have some anal on wednesday so how about have a nice dinner on monday and then i'll have something for you afterward on wednesday yeah and and you know and there's definitely a enema. I have an attachment for my shower that just hooks right into where you just take the

shower head off. Filthy knows what I'm talking about. You've got this whole metal hose and you attach this. It looks like a dildo, but it's all rubbery. It's got a pressure regulator on it. Do Jewish people just have tons of anal sex at the conclusion of Yom Kippur?

Oh, I mean, they might. I don't know. If people don't know, that involves fasting. You don't eat that day. So it would just seem like, I mean, it fits in the category. It's probably a good time, you're thinking. Yeah, yeah, right? They're like, well, we don't do it a lot, but I mean, we've done all the prep work.

Is there an enema as part of the festivities? You know? You do it your way. That's the reason that Isis, you can see, like on Fridays, they don't feed their herds of goats. So they come on Saturday. There's no risk of mess. So Chiz just linked a shower enema kit. But he linked the wrong one because it doesn't come with all the attachments

you want this one Chiz yeah how often do you enema yourself? daily with my diet you just have to otherwise you're just carrying around a load of evil inside of your body

have you tried absorbing anything from that Kyle? because we've talked about a lot of just evil inside of your body. Have you tried absorbing anything from that, Kyle? Because we've talked about a lot of stuff on the show. You talk about eating ice cream all the time, whatnot. It feels like you could just skip the middle, man. Why even go through the stomach? I mean, if it's all... I know you can absorb alcohol anally. You absolutely can absorb alcohol anally.

And you know what? It's kind of... Personally, I think that's a great idea with the butt chugging, as it's called on the street, because you don't get sick that way. You don't vomit. You can get alcohol poisoning

because you absorb the alcohol so much more readily through the anal passage because it doesn't pass through the liver. The liver isn't kicking into... Coffee enemas are a thing. They absolutely are.

Is it that hard to just drink alcohol and coffee? It can't be that much better to put in your ass. Do you have to put coffee in your butt, or can you put coffee grounds in your butt and make the instant coffee even more instant? How would you get the grounds in your butt? A funnel, maybe? Like a leaf

blower? How do you get the coffee in your butt? With an enema. Because it's liquid. That makes sense. No, I would just kind of take the oil filter, wipe it around real good, stick that in my ass, and pour the coffee in there. Well, you know... With the tip of a teaspoon!

How else? Just pour it in! It's gaping wide. Of course. Woody has a four lane asshole. It looks like a wizard sleeve. Yeah. I've heard about the

of alcohol thing. Obviously, I've never known anybody who's done that. I think I know a friend who's done a coffee one before. Yeah. And, I mean, she wasn't raving about it. Do you know about cocaine in the butthole? I assume it's the same kind of trend that we're going down. Well, you don't use liquor. Do you put it on your finger?

No, in a straw. You act like you're a South American tribesman about to dart a white man who's... Oh, we are going to eat a whale tonight. Exactly. So you have to conscript a friend into this with you? Where you're like, hey, I know we could snort cocaine like they do in 80s movies. Or I could put my legs in the stirrups I had. That's why I have them.

I'm an amateur gynecologist. No,'s what you're doing you're doing your chocolate molds that's why you have it makes total sense so you're right i'm not an expert on this but i believe the idea behind blowing cocaine up a girl's asshole with some sort of a straw or maybe you maybe you've got your own special like metal straw that oh, the butthole coker. You pull that thing out. But I think the idea is that not only does cocaine have a numbing effect, which might be helpful with anal sex, but also she'll get high. Yeah, it does. They used to use it as an anesthetic. Dentists used it.

I was saying, oh, that makes sense, to make it easier to get in. Yeah, but anal done right doesn't hurt. So hurt is warning. You don't want a numb warning. You're not looking for ideal anal. This is a special night, okay? This is red panty night if you're blowing cocaine up a

girl's ass. You're not looking for ideal anal. Now before she's come over, she hasn't eaten in two days. No. You are, you have, you required her to do an enema before she was willing to do here. And now you're like, I'm going to numb your ass because I'm going to do so much damage in there, I don't want you knowing. And she's wearing the red panties.

Why? I don't see where there's a red flag here. At any step. This seems like a normal Wednesday. Jesus. care at any step this seems like a normal wednesday jesus eight nights of coke around for the off chance of you know and straws apparently anyways so into your partner's ass you've shot your load of cocaine in her in her ass and then go on ah well well my thought process would be that that both of you would get high from the anal sex by absorbing the the cocaine through your penis and into her butthole. Does it work that way?

No. I have no idea. No, I don't think it does. So, like, vagina will absorb alcohol. Ass will absorb alcohol. I don't think the dick does. Don't think it works that way. I bet it would.

No. I bet it would absorb cocaine, though, especially when you mix it with, you mix it with some lubricant and with the friction of the anal. You're going to want – oh, that's what you do. You If it does do anything to your dick, it's just going to really make your pee hole numb. Because there's no mucous membranes for it to absorb into, right? Not like a vagina or an asshole. It's supposed to be absorbed through the urethra or something?

You have to take some steel wool and abrase the penis severely before the sex. That's what I... You've got to tenderize first, you're saying. Exactly. Thank you. Yes. You want to really work it good with the steel wool. Get that epidermis right off. You don't need that.

It makes things... It sensitizes the penis when you take off that first layer of skin. You feel everything a lot more. Not necessarily better. Just more. Mine looks like a hot dog that you took the casing off of at this point. It's just a real mess

down there. Oh, man. Gross. Fucking awful. You're just pushing it and pushing it and trying to be as nasty as possible. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been waiting for the Alfredo topic since the show started. Mamma mia! Oh, see, so apparently this

gentleman Do we have a link? He tried to buy... Yeah, yeah, I'll link it again. He tried to get sex, or he's accused of trying to trade Chicken Alfredo and Sprite for sex. And this gentleman is not parting from his Chicken Alfredo, like, for anything less than sex. So I believe the story. I just looked at his face.

I'm waiting for it. He looks like he might make a mean Chicken Alfredo, though. I bet so. I bet so. This guy has perfected his technique through many lonely nights of watching Emeril Lagasse and cooking up Chicken Alfredo. When I think of a guy that knows his carbs, this is a guy that I'm looking at.

Can I just say, I feel bad, really bad for this guy. First of all, you look at his mugshot. He looks terrified. Some people's mugshots, you can see they look okay. This guy, he knows. It's game over, bro. I just got caught propositioning a 15- old boy with sprite and chicken alfredo with a boatload of lubricant in tow like he had uh he had astro glide and uh uh some kind of lotion

doesn't that suggest something different though like i mean you know clearly this is him propositioning a 15 year old boy there's a problem there we don't have to touch that but they're using it almost like the way that's set up title wise and the way the article is written it's acting like he's trying to pay with that it doesn't just sound much more like it's just like a fucking dinner date that's absolutely what it is what it definitely is is like they must have in the chat been like hey bring over chicken alfredo and sprite and you can have my underage behind and then when he shows up with Chicken Alfredo and Sprite they're like this is exactly what I told you to bring if you wanted to get

busy and you brought Alfredo look I've traded Chicken Alfredo and Sprite for sex many times okay it's called a date it's called a date so I I'm with Filthy on this it sounds a lot like this guy was arranging a date and just looking at this guy... He's a 15-year-old? That's my next point. Look at this guy. Does he look like a grown-up? How old is he? 22.

He looks about 22. He does. If you told me he was 16 to 25, I'd buy all of those ages. I thought he was the victim at first. They arrested him for only taking photos

for his profile from up here. Then they showed up and, no, you're not the same person. My honest thought process is that a 15-year-old who's having a... First of all, there was no 15-year-old, of course. It was a fictional person. It's like cop online typing. Yeah.

He thought there was. But he thought there was. And I would imagine that, like, look, a 15-year-old guy who's talking sexually to a 22-year-old guy, I don't see a predatory nature in that, personally. Do you? Yes. Do you think that a 15-year-old boy could be... Are you an Alabama

voter by chance? Not yet, but they need me though, don't they? My boy Moore got bamboozled over there. We had almost run the queers and the Jews and the chinks right out of town. They used some

sort of fraudulent voting practices to beat us down and take away the american way that was so high on the list it was number one so kyle you don't see this 22 year old and this 15 year old as as predatory i i don't know because the 15 year old is a fictional individual but i just think the 15 year old me. If, if a 20, if I'm talking sexually with a 22 year old girl online, I'm like jackpot, triple cherries. We fucking gotten in there boys. Keep this quiet.

But, but, but we've, we're in the, we're in the, we've hit, we've, we struck gold here. We struck gold here. But that's just my thought process. That was Milo's thought process too. Sure. Well, he was talking about a much older man, like some guy that's like 30s or 40s or something like that. I see a problem with that because the maturity level,

by the time you're 30 or 40, you must have. But 15 to 22 is a huge gap in the maturation process. Sometimes. Look, Filthy's an expert in pedophile behavior. It's a gap, right? How do I even just, what do i do with this now what do i just answer you every time you yes yeah just say indeed it is i'm just i'm just shit out of luck at this point like i but it does i mean kyle's point like to devil's advocate a

little bit like it did kind of remind me i had a friend in high school who was gay and you know he talked about to me at some point you know later about some of his early dating was online dating and it was with older men who were much older than him when he first you know when he was first exploring his sexuality that's all the fuck he could find so on some level i hear kyle's point of there could be a situation in which this wasn't a predatory behavior but at the same time 22 and 15 is like it's really fucking hard to get your head around that especially i mean clearly with a fictional character makes no difference whatsoever it's going to be charged as pedophilia he's right on the cusp of legality right like it's no well bear with me here isn't the age of consent in some states 16 and isn't the law that they have

to be within like six years so it sounds like they're a year away from being legal no that can't be true that doesn't sound right i need to check on his state but a comment is you have to be within four years but at 16 you can consent to anybody i think oh i expected us all to be on the same page with this one guys i gotta be honest i expect us to be like what a fucking creep it's no fun for all the 15 year old with his you know he's gonna play the devil's advocate i don't want this 22 year old to be like, what a fucking creep. It's no fun if we're all the same age. Someone has to play the devil's advocate. I don't want this 22-year-old to be running around the streets trading Alfredo for boy ass.

I'm just saying. Come on. Bring Alfredo Sprite and a molded asshole tart. I need to know what I'm getting into. And for those who aren't looking, this 22-year-old, he could pass for a high schooler. He's so fat that he's got that fat face. He's got a soft look about him.

If you told me he was 20, I'd believe you. He's spongy. I looked it up. In Ohio, when you're 16, you can consent. I think I was right on the money. I don't know if they have an earlier one, but I know that at 16, you can consent. He's a year away from being legal, right? Yeah. Could be months away away could be a day away it's it's it's by state right just when you looked

at that one what he did it say um is it all right because i know there's a lot of stuff it's like if you're 16 you can consent to like someone who's like up to like a couple years older than you but there's a limit at like 35 is like way out of the limit or something like that right so um a normal thing is there's a lower age like at 13 or 14 you can consent to within four years oh i see then at 16 you can disguise anyone yeah there's a map so i'm not seeing the earlier one oh anyone between 13 and 16 can have sex with someone under 18 this is ohio so at 13 there there's even a five-year gap there. And when they become 16, they can consent to anybody.

And also, if you're going to be having sex with young people, it goes by birthday. Right? So if you're 17 and the other person's 13, check the calendar, because you might be four years and five days, and that's illegal. Dude, what the fuck are these people doing in Guatemala?

I just looked at the whole North American age of consent thing, and they have a color map that I linked you guys, and like, the U.S. is the lowest it is anywhere is 16, and then if you go Mexico, it's 12

in some areas, and 13 in almost every area, and Guatemala's is, just says puberty so when you hit puberty you're good time to play ball welcome to guatemala where do you see guatemala if you click on the map and then it's that country uh south of mexico there was an 11 year old who had hit puberty like a fucking sledgehammer that I remember. In the fifth grade, this chick

named Lindsay had, like, C-cups. It was obscene because she hadn't figured out how to, like, handle them yet, and she's walking around at 15 with these fucking bowling balls attached, or at 11, excuse me, and we're all in the fifth grade like what the

fuck happened to her do you remember when you were like 10 i remember when i was like 10 they're how old are you in fourth grade 10 that sounds about right yeah let's just go with that i don't know i remember having like this teacher who was not like an attractive teacher i was probably like fucking 40 years old like not that like old for a 10 year old and like she just had these giant giant tits that like were always hidden under a sweater and I remember being so confused just sitting there in class like why can't I hear a single thing she's saying I can't stop not thinking about what's under her sweater all class all the time like I remember even bringing it up to my mom at

one point, which you would never bring up if you were any older than 10, but of course I hit puberty at that age where I was still young and dumb enough to bring up stuff about what you don't want to say in puberty. Woody, by the time he was 17, shit got rolling. He knew what not to ask of the parents. Woody never went,

I don't know why I can't stop looking at these tits, but I was like, God, I just can't focus in miss uh miss smith's class anymore they're just just like what what what am i thinking what is it it's like well you're becoming a man taylor that's just kind of the way things are gonna be now it was like oh this sucks and then just like the panic do you guys remember in like middle school the feeling of like oh my god the rest of my life i'm gonna get a raging erection every 11 minutes for no reason how am i gonna function how am i like i sat in class every day horrified of being called to the front imagine taylor if you had gotten with this girl when you were both 10 and had a child how that child would now be 16 or 17 years old

or something, 15 or 16 years old. Imagine if you had a 15-year-old son right now. How cool that would be. No. That would suck. He'd be sitting there with you right now. You'd be like, son, go out and get me some pizza. He'd be like,

he'd have a driver's license almost at this point. You guys would be able to play hockey together. On PKN, Kyle didn't want children at all. Now he wants teenage children. Now he wants me to have teenage children. Kyle, how is a kid going to turn out that I start raising at 11? Dude, you went to school with him. You were able to

beat up his bullies. We had the same teachers. Just 15 years ago, i was teaching your father that would be cool as shit dude like like seriously all right first it it would be weird at first but but basically what would happen you have this kid when you're like 11 the child is born right who can conceive at 11 huh he's talking about that girl yeah so so I occasionally hear these horror stories of very very young mothers and I don't know the youngest it's been I think 12 or 13 she's

delivered a child from yeah that's just like this is a little because Taylor was 10 years old he was he was a young man at this point. The girl had big boobs, so she was totally able to conceive. He could have had this child when they were 10 years old. So the child is born when they're 11. Taylor's family adopts the child. They're well off. They're able to support this child. Maybe the girl has to go and move to a convent because we're in the 16th century.

So she does that. My parents would have killed me if I got a girl pregnant when I was 11 the 16th century. So she does that. And now... My parents would have killed me if I got a girl pregnant when I was 11. They'd have raised it as your brother. How early did you hit puberty for Christ's sakes? Damn. I was masturbating when I was 10.

Yeah. And then at 11, that was around the age where stuff started to come out. And it was like, for the first few times, it was like, that's new. Were you fucking you pissed off with that i was so pissed off at that when i wasn't happy about it either like i remember it i was maybe like 11 years old and it was late at night and i was masturbating and i finished and it was like a time when stuff came out and it was probably like the third or fourth time stuff had come out and i was like let's figure

out what this is i'm tired of peeing a little bit at the end of all these sessions. And so I went into the bathroom and saw this is not urine. This is something else. And I just remember getting back in bed with those wide eyes of a kid. Like, let's lay off that for a bit. Like, what's going on here? I can't believe you were like, my world was so much different. I was like 15. And I wanted to like bake a cake or something in celebration of the fact that I could

finally ejaculate. You're crying out loud. Really? Yeah. It's so fucking messy all of a sudden. It's like, fuck this. It used to be orgasm, go to sleep. Now it's orgasm, clean up, go to sleep. Fuck that. Oh my god. I felt like everyone on the planet could

do this except me until the day that I could. My late puberty was the bane of my existence. And I was very happy to see it arrive. Yeah, that's like totally a grass is, not grass is greener thing. It's like something that if you didn't go through it, you never think about. Because there were friends I had in high school who like, I looked like I could have been their babysitter when like I was,

we were all in ninth grade, like I was just bigger than everyone. And you never think being the kid, cause like I'm, I've got my own set of problems where my voice is cracking and my limbs are so long. And like, you don't like,

you're just uncoordinated and you're coming all over yourself, you know, but you don't consider the other side of the fence, which is like, I just, I just wish I could get a boner. I'm tired of getting in the showers with all the other boys yeah my friend got muscles and it was just like to him it wasn't that extraordinary he's like yeah look he's in like seventh grade like check this out and it's fucking like a grown-up bicep just on his arm and

i'm like holy he's like yeah yeah like this is happening to everyone right no no my arms were indistinguishable from the girls of the class and and he's got like his forearms are getting all ripped everything there was always that kid who had like the body of a quadriplegic up until he was 16 you know it was just like you look like you just when i was a freshman cocaine and blow them right over. When I was a freshman, the coaches made like a hard push to get me to join the wrestling team. And at first I was like, huh, they must see something kind of special in me. Yes, a guy that could make the 98-pound class.

They're like, we're taking forfeits at Tiny Kid. And if you were on the team, you know, sometimes you'd win, sometimes you'd lose. Sometimes they'd taking forfeits and tiny kid and if you were on the team we you know sometimes you'd win sometimes you'd lose sometimes they'd take forfeits they're like woody just put this wig on those girls from noon and higher never gonna know what hit them trust me 20 years from now they'll call you brave for this beat the shit out of those women put your wig on i should have wrestled i would have i think i would have liked that but that was the thing with wrestling that uh i did it only in middle school because i switched to hockey

for high school only but there were definitely kids that i can't tell if they're super small now because they were cutting weight all the time or if they were going to end up super small anyway but there were definitely kids like in high school wrestling that would cut weight down to like 115 and it's like we're all growing you know like that if there is a sport that's bad for you in high school it's got to be wrestling right yeah yeah you can't you can't nutrition's really important when you're a growing boy as they say like you can start your growth like that permanently you know your bones are growing are you an expert on this topic just i mean why not sure yes i'm an expert on this topic as well uh but i was thinking you know you're saying that football immediately comes to mind with all the stuff that's coming out about the concussion stuff

and it's not even the concussions it's the just repeated head trauma even non like serious head trauma that fucks up your brain long term so i guess i guess of the two i'm personally more scared of like the brain damage than i am of the developmental stuff but i can't imagine either particularly great would you rather be a six foot you know three adult who can't remember who's a little dumber or like a side just a little dumber it's like emotional regulation shit it's like no i think i'd rather be i think i'd have my mental facilities intact and you know no i'd rather be a little dumber really yeah i'm six foot i'm like oh would i give up like three iq per inch no no i think i'll just start right where i am yeah i like being tall

yeah yeah well i like we're better class but to get to 6'2", would I give up 6 IQ points? No. 6 isn't that many. Come on, you can do it. I would try a little harder. You need to go whole hog with a strategy like that, because if you give up 6 IQ points, you're probably still cognizant enough to recognize the lacking faculties you now possess, but if you go, I'm going straight to 6'10",

you're going to get rid of 30 points. You won't even remember. That's 60. At three a point? It's funny. The opposite is much more appealing. Wait, maybe I've done this already. Yeah, 30 is like four foot and be like super, super smart.

Woody, have you grown? Right? I decided to make a trade-off. But then you wouldn't even realize how smart you used to be because you'll be so dumb. Yeah, there's a movie about that.'s very old movie flowers for Algernon yeah I've never explored that they've explored that whole line of thought I

I tweeted out a poll the other day of like if you have to pick one of these would you rather be 25% uglier or 25% dumber? You have to pick one. I have to pick one. And in order for this to work, you have to be single. Shit. In this fantasy land, you are a single man, filthy and wicked.

Shit. I'm still going ugly. Yeah. Not even a toss-up. To lose 25% of your brain power is going to ruin everything. I'd quickly be parted with any money I gathered,

and that would suck. My career prospects would be different. I'd quickly be parted with any money I gathered, and that would suck. My career prospects would be different. I would just live smarter definitely than Trump's good-looking. Your wife's going to leave you? Ask Jackie. You ask Jackie to answer this question. I think she'll be like 25% dumber.

General intelligence is predictive of fucking everything. Any positive outcome you care about It's pretty much predictive of You know what the other one, Filthy, I line up Did you read the bell curve? Yeah, or parts of it, parts of it for school Slacker

Anyway, Jordan Peterson was on here though And he was saying that conscientiousness is also a huge predictor And that lined up with my experience What about 25% fatter And you're not allowed to lose the weight? Wait, no, Kyle, I wanted your... I could have guessed what he would say uglier,

but Kyle, I was curious, especially for your answer, because you are so vain. He thinks the song's about him. What would you do? I'm like a fucking Carly Simon song over here. That song is about me. Oh, man, my scarf is apricot.

I don't know, man. That's fucked. I'd have to see a digital representation of what I would look like 25% uglier. I'll explain what it is. What's the comparison then? You've got a jutted out brow, not like the distinguished one you have now, and your chin, it sucks in. You've got one of those weaselly no-chin looks. A weak chin. Yeah, we have a very weak chin.

If I look like this all the time? No, like 5% uglier than that. Oh my god! Uglier than that? Jesus. So Kyle, you look at an image of that to get some sense of what it would be what do you do for the intelligence you're losing what's your comparison there i mean i i become the equivalent um oh jesus no i don't know man like like am i literally james goes boom like like you can't understand you can't keep up with our conversations uh you literally... Chaz goes, boom! You can't keep up with our conversations.

You can't make jokes anymore. You can't make jokes. Any of your three syllable words, I'm just confused. That would be the big thing. Think of how much slower your wit would be. Shit, man. That's why I would pick uglier. I don't know. That's so hard. That's so hard.

It is. 25% is a big number too. I wonder if it was 5% I might choose intelligence. Yeah. If you make yourself 25% dumber, you're borderline retarded. You know? Let's assume that we're all

above average IQ and so it wouldn't take us down to actual retarded person. It would take us down to someone who... You would be feeble-minded, which is a clinical term. To the level of someone who at Chipotle points over the counter for their... Barack Obama. For what they want in their burrito. I'm going to take the ugliness...

Oh, yeah, that's why. Oh, I saw that, and I was like, ah! I'm going to take the ugliness, but with the caveat that there will be extensive surgeries done. Like, can I do that? Can I be ugly, but then get it fixed? You can't make hypotheticals easier to make it more palatable.

Come on! Can he be dumber and then go to school? Right? No, well, that doesn't work. That's between ignorance and intelligence. Like this... Now, if you did that's between ignorance and intelligence like like this now now if you did that if you may be 25 more ignorant now that i i would get on board with because then i can just relearn all the stuff that i've forgotten and you know i'll still be

the same intelligence i'll just be much more ignorant of of of things environmentally retarded environment well environmental retardation i don't know that you can like my mother's taught special ed and they had this kid that that had environmental retardation and i remember her explaining that to me she's like well basically you know remember how you and i used to sit down and read books together and go through numbers and do math and like we'd we'd you'd read out loud to me and like and we would have adult conversations with you to sort of foster your intelligence yeah well they didn't do any of that they just kind of kept him in a room like carl from sling blade and now he's

that and he's not coming back from that it's his brain can't recover from the my mom didn't do any of that she just made me go outside a lot. Like, you know, it's not raining. You should be out playing. My parents did that too, where they were just like, outside time! And just like for hours, you're just like, can we come back in? It's cold!

No, me and your father are fucking, clearly. There are different degrees of environmental retardation, but this kid in particular was fucked like he was some of this developmental too like developmental timings right like if you miss these elements where your brain is still developing in certain ways you're gonna you're gonna you're gonna see disproportionately negative results and if you didn't have that opportunity missed and just so i i think that would be totally totally fucked i don't think you'd want to trade that either and What are you going to do with that?

You miss out on all the developmentally useful stuff in your childhood for slightly better good looks? What's an example of something that missing out would contribute to that environmental retardation? You learn language when you're younger. Language. Much better than when you're older. Yeah, because with Colin, that's something we've been acutely aware of, how much time and effort and money we poured into his language development early on because those doors kind of close yeah that's a good example of one like uh you know those stories about like wolf kids who somehow survive out in the woods until they're like seven but they have no ability to like communicate with

humans it's like you know even if you like get them in like a great school right then it's like that ship has almost sailed in a way you know it's like there's even if you like get them in like a great school right then it's like that ship has almost sailed in a way you know yeah it's like there's you can't really fully mitigate that kind of trauma yeah there's feral children like that's what you don't want to adopt taylor that's the opposite of adopting one of those asian kids yeah if i adopt a child it's going to be it's going to be the cream of the crop from china they're going to or japan the japanese also take care of their elders. You know, on the other side of the sea, there's someone sitting over there. Other side of the world, someone's sitting over there and they're going to be like, it's the Asian

equivalent of you, and he's sitting there scheming how he's going to sell these stupid American dumb Chinese children, but tell them they're really smart Chinese children. We just put the grasses on them. They believe anything over there. It's American. Oh yeah, we do all kinds of math you show him see american can't do math so he does not know if it's wrong

i said also sweet hearted chinese child exactly exactly that guy's uh living over there right now make taking advantage okay well i guess they're probably more regulated, right? Yeah, definitely so. You don't want one of those communist children anyway. Or adopt a kid from, like, Africa, like, sub-Saharan Africa, where it's a shithole. But make sure you get him at an age of, like,

11 or 12, to where he remembers how shitty it was where he came from. Because that kid will be the most thankful kid on the planet every day. You're like, hey, I'm sorry, I forgot to pick up those Totino's pizza rolls. Oh, I do not mind. I have been drinking clean water all day. I did not know that it was normal to just take one shit per day. I thought it was a constant emergency.

I thought it was a constant emergency. Yeah, they would be so thankful all the time. Where would you not want to adopt a kid from? Let me think. I think you just nailed it. I don't want one of those sub-Saharan African child soldier kids that's going to be fucking taking some offense from the neighbors as a war uh initiation and going over there with a meat cleaver and like mutilating genitals or something

i collected many ears for you today the neighbors let their dog poop on your yard he's got like three fingers of the albino girl next door i have been feeling sick all day it did not help at all you know see but no you're picking a child soldier i'm picking just a normal sub-Saharan African child who lived a shitty life and is now going to be thankful. You've got to make sure they weren't like a lieutenant in Coney's Corps. Yeah, yeah. I want to be one of those rubber farmer's children who's already lost one hand,

but they're really handy with the one they have left. Okay, so a little security in case there is a flashback to, you know, Kony and Somalia or whatever. Get the gun safe open. Okay. Yeah, you need both hands for that. You get one of those safes where you have to turn the knob and flip a lever.

You just can't do it with the one hand. Trying to think what kind of kit I wouldn't want. Like, I'm thinking maybe somewhere in, like, Eastern Europe. But, like, what would they do? That was that bad? They would just swap tracksuits and mind their own business. Right?

I think the Eastern European kids are the cream of the crop, right? Get yourself a fucking Lithuanian or something. Like, get yourself a... Why? Because, you know, the... Eastern eastern european you said they're not going to care what the reasoning is a european in general really like like i don't want a french kid that accent would be like fast winner yeah i want one of those like superhuman swedish norwegian people like they're they're like the few countries that are taller than us,

and they're often really good looking. I sometimes think hypothetical single younger me goes there. Upside, all these women are amazing looking. Downside, all those men are amazing looking too, and I'm kind of screwed. I might just be like, yeah, wouldn't it be great to play hockey in the NHL? No, you'd get your ass kicked. That is me in Denmark. That's true.

It's like, man, I'd love to be the fun fan to play against the Dolphins this weekend in the NFL. It's like, until you're out there. You're like, you know what? These are some large gentlemen. Yeah, yeah. That O-line guy with the tattoo on his forehead. Hey, Chicago Bears, I'll make a deal. I won't hit you with the, you know, tattoo on his forehead?

Hey, Chicago Bears, I'll make a deal. I won't hit you my hardest, and you don't hit me your hardest. Fair? They weren't worried about my hit. I think if you're going to adopt, like, a 17-year-old, maybe you adopt one of these... A little Woody Allen situation here?

Absolutely a little Woody Allen situation here. It's a little old for Woody Allen's blood. Is it? We'll keep it legal. We're not going to get a 13-year-old Asian girl. Was she 16 when he got her? Oh, no. I'm thinking of Polanski. I'm just naming the age of consent.

Oh. You're talking about adopting a 17-year-old gal the fuck. Oh, how'd you put that one together, Taylor? No, I was just asking. You're so insightful. Because you don't want the actual child part. You just want a nice, like, pseudo-sex slave.

I mean, whoa. Okay, Sherlock, first of all, I'm going to support her needs. Look, as you would any girlfriend. I bet you will. You know, I'm going to I'm going to pay for her books and her makeup and her dresses and stuff like that. You'd sign her yearbook.

Well, we don't want any evidence. Yeah, that'll ruin your political career. Sign it, Roy Moore. That's why I'm watching all of these sexual harassers. I'm taking notes of what not to do. You're learning about do skill set no witnesses no evidence no you get yourself one of these 17 year old and you know a willing

adoptee right like we're not looking to force anything on anybody or anything like that you know there are a lot of those you think a lot of willing 17 years sitting around somewhere being like man i wish i could be adopted as a child sex slave to some American. Why do we keep calling her a sex slave? Because what do you think you... She's a pleasure assistant. I don't like this line at all. No, we go on a few dates or whatever.

If she's not into it, she's not into it. Then, you know, I'll send her back to fucking Nicaragua. The implication. She knows what happens if she doesn't put out. Kyle is not the kind of father who offers unconditional love. He keeps a fucking checklist over there. Dishes aren't

done. Can't help but notice. He said you were going to do them. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to. You're going to be on a fucking shipping crate back to wherever the fuck you're from. Get over here and blow me. That's how it'll go. You've got to put the utensils away and suck my... I'm not co-signing with any of this nonsense.

This is some vile stuff we're talking now. Now we have... We went from Woody Allen territory to Polanski territory, and I'm just not co-signing any of this. I'm pretty sure this is Woody Allen. Soon we're going to be in Jared Fogle land, and that will be too far. You don't want to go to Jared?

No. Dude, I bet he is not doing well in prison. If he's with the regular population, because everybody's going to notice him, and everybody's going to make a footlong joke and rape him. I want to get that prison guy on this show. I know you guys are on the subreddit now.

Do you see them asking for that dude? There's a YouTuber who went to prison. Yeah, prison guy. I actually don't know who that is. Okay, I forget his name. If you're watching this, I apologize for, that's my thing, I forget names. But anyway, he has a YouTube channel

and he tells stories about what it was like to be in prison. And he, I remember the one I watched a commissary is where you go and you buy things. And he's like, when you go there, they're going to steal all your stuff. Don't buy from commissary here.

They'll make you their victim. They'd be like, no, no one's fucking with me. And sure enough, there's nothing he can do. And it just sounded like one, he could tell a story,

which is uncommon. And two, he had some so i liked uncle terry's prison stories those were always well i say always only met the man that one terrifying evening but those those what was the best uncle terry prison story um he was talking about how ruthless you had to be um he had a lot of issues with black gentlemen That's not how he said it though basically He had he took out his false teeth. I didn't know they were false, and I'm like whoa What happened to all your goddamn teeth?

and he's like a black guy hit me in the mouth with a lock and a sock and Knocked all of them out, and I'm like, what did you do? I killed him. I was just like, oh, shit. You killed him. Yeah, killed him. Had to. And it was just all of his stories. Wait, was this conversation over a phone, like through some glass?

No, in person. No, no, no, in person. How did he kill him? Huh? How did he kill him? I don't recall exactly how he had killed him he's not my uncle he was like my cousin's uncle and we had went to uh to like get him to come help us fight some people like there was gonna be a big fight and and scott was like we'll go get uncle terry he'll back our play

and i was like who the fuck is uncle terry i don't have an uncle terry and basically we met this terrifying man and literally in a trailer park he was the bare knuckle boxing champion of the trailer park they would all put in a case of beer in the center and then have a bare knuckle boxing tournament to determine who won all the beer and he regularly won all the beer um just a just a ruthless he's he's in prison now armed robbery and I think he shot someone rough guy rough guy this is a repeat story i've told but i used to um train in brazilian jiu-jitsu with these two prison guards and they would tell stories from work and what by the way they painted

their fingernails not really related but i thought it was weird thing to do as a prisoner black anyway um they would let them rape each other. And they had pretty much the unspoken... He was like, all right, I'm going to microwave a burrito. So it's going to take me like nine minutes to get back, just so you know. And he told this story with such sickening glee. He's like, you hear him out there?

Help! Help! Help me! And he's laughing about it as they're ass raping this guy. And he knew what the scoop was. Like, this guy needed to be punished for some reason. And the cops would use the other prisoners to delve out this punishment. Deal out this punishment.

Anyway, and then he'd come back. And sure enough, there he was, all bloody and such. And I was like, what if you're tough? You know, like, what if you're tough you know like what what what if you're you know you've been training ma for a while like what if you're a guy who can handle himself a one percenter he's like it doesn't help and that's he's like they just put a lock in his sock and uh you know they hit you from behind they come at you 8v1 uh there's it it takes a certain amount of political maneuvering not toughness man that is horrible yeah yeah like for the dude to just be like i'm gonna go microwave a burrito and he can hear the rapings yes he doesn't even like like turn the tv he can't contain his laughter

through the story he can't contain his laughter through the story that was the sickest part what a sociopath yeah that like that and and he's telling the story like we're all gonna love it too like you know i got a good one here you know and he's telling there's like six or seven of us listening and he's you know he's doing the whole what is that fupa on ass sound and uh and and you know and i'm just horrified because i i don't think about as much as anyone but i used to think, how would I get by in prison? What would be my strategy? Am I tough enough?

Am I clever enough? I don't really have a winning strategy in this. I feel like I'm the sort of guy who doesn't thrive in prison. Hey, you guys like Paramotors? Any Minecraft fans on the cell block? I can hook you up with some diamond swords on the outside and one of the strategies that gets you by pretty well is to keep to yourself right you know like keep your mouth closed uh don't cause any trouble and just exist in your own column right that's not really what i excel at. Like I make friends and I feel like I would get quickly taken advantage of

and people would know me and like it would be a huge personality change for me to just be that solitary non-talker for five years. Oh yeah, that would be very difficult for me. I was thinking of you too, right? Like Taylor just has so many quips that he desperately wants to share, and

someone won't like one of them. Oh, it'll be day one. Oh, I overplayed my hand! Like, seven years ago! On Painkiller Nearly, just a few days ago, you were telling us your strategy, like, I would murder people with words.

Everyone on this cell block quickly learned that this is in high school, though, quickly learned that I would just be ruthless in how I would tear them down. I think that strategy works better in middle school than prison. You can only use that tactic at a lunch table in middle school and high school, not when, you know, Jumbo Joe with hisate flag tattooed across his chest is like waiting for for one oh like i don't even like i i heard also that you're not supposed to join a gang because joining a gang is a way to get fucked with more because you're like almost voluntarily introducing yourself into a fucked up world whereas like you said you can get by better

just kind of put your blinders on and nose to the grindstone make your fucking hangers or whatever yeah filthy knows all about prison i like what you said about how i like what you said about how the guy is telling you the story and he and he's like exuberant about it and he's expecting you to sort of co-sign and be interested interested in that as well i've had that experience so many times where people think i'm one of them in one regard or another. Often it's racism. Some people kick off with some super racist talk in private and I'm like, whoa, whoa, that's strong language you're using there, pal. That's some rough stuff you're doling out. Or I've met guys who have been uh in war whether it's afghanistan or iraq and they'll start talking about some of their war experiences like yeah we

just we we had a copper cable and we just beat him and beat him and beat him and and eventually he talked i couldn't understand a word of it and you're just like i don't want to hear about war crimes pal like we're just getting to know each other and you're telling like i don't want to hear about war crimes pal like we're just getting to know each other and you're telling me about actual war crimes like is that where we are right now this isn't quite the same thing but it reminded me of a story my friend who was in uh afghanistan for a while told me and like i was just asking him like so like every single thing there is different than here like you never like drive by and be like wow a a Michael Jackson record. Who would have thunk it or something like, and he's like, yeah.

Like, one example is we were on a night patrol in a pretty safe area, and we were pulling up across the road, and we heard this, like, ah, ah, ah, noise. And we were like, what the fuck? What the fuck? So we turned on all the lights and everything,

or the high beams and everything, and we could see this like man just crawling towards us on the road just crawling towards us in a really weird way making a noise we're like what the fuck and then you know after a few more yards he started going slowly into the darkness out there and we just let him go because didn't know what's going on and so we just he just left the next morning where we continue on a bit and we see this house this house in the middle of nowhere where these uh these uh people live and chained in the front yard chained up in the front yard is this man on all fours doing like clearly like deformed like his legs don't work they had a

translator talk to this family he had a dog house out there that this man lived in like outside of the regular house they had their translator talk to this family and that guy was mentally handicapped fell into like a ravine when he was young broke broke both of his legs. And because they don't like take you to special camp to help fix you, they just kept this man chained outside their home. And he lived in a dog house. And that night he escaped. And like my friend who was in Afghanistan was like laughing about this because you have to have a fucked up sense of humor

if you're going to see stuff like that. And I was just like, Jesus Christ. So like, what did you do? And they're like, well, it's not our son. So we left. Like, it's like yeah not even can you imagine seeing an adult handicapped person with broken legs chained in the front yard someone like baltimore well baltimore yes actually that i got it that's not as horrible as i didn't know where that story was heading But but my mind was going on a lot of avenues of horrific shit

And that's not nearly as bad as I thought it was gonna be they didn't kill him It was just a story of something they saw where he still like it's burned in his memory She's like I didn't even know that's a thing that you did to people It never crossed my mind Like oh, but your story about I had something for the other thing too We someone's trying to, like, explain something to you that they think is funny. This is a throwback to the poop bandit. I've said before, that guy was a fucking maniac, the poop bandit. If you don't know the story, Filthy, a guy in my high school would shit into rags and then, like, draw Joker-esque messages on stalls before and after our schools.

And they would say, like, ha, ha, ha, you'll never catch me, and feces on the wall and at one point I caught him kind of because he was coming out of a bathroom I was about to go in he goes Oh Taylor he didn't maybe don't go in that bathroom it seems a certain bandit has struck again and I was like all right well now I fucking know Mike's the bathroom bandit and it was hilarious like we all like as adults had to like start getting like walked to the bathroom and he still found a way to do it i don't know where he found the time but he he did that to me once where like he we were both friendly like like i was always nice to him we weren't good we aren't like friends or anything we were always courteous and uh he was

telling me once he's like so like the the woods behind my house like my neighbor he has all these dogs right like they bother to share me. They're like always loud and like barking. So this weekend, and he like started laughing like Cartman. Like this weekend, I took a bunch of bologna and I took a bunch of rat poison out of my uncle's shed. And I put a ton of poison all in the woods. And the dogs are going to eat it. He's like laughing.

I'm like, ha, ha, Mike, you prankster. He's laughing. I'm like, Mike, you prankster. And I had to, of course, walk away not feeling that comfortable knowing that Mike had murdered all those dogs. Yeah, watch your lunch around Mike because he's got a pocket full of rat poison and a rag full of shit.

That guy was... I'll have to dwell on that guy a little longer and think if there are more stories. Dude, do you have your yearbook? Because it'd be funny to dox the shit bandit. No, I'm not fucking with that guy. I've got a story. I am not fucking with the shit bandit.

I'll wake up and I'll open my eyes late at night and then you'll see I knew what you did on the ceiling of the apartment. You have a shit mustache. What was that smell? This is a Pierre. I've told the story before of this guy in my high school who got bullied. And it was like a mental bullying.

I think what happened was he tried to start a business and he made like a commercial, like a computer business or something in high school. And he said his name, but he said it in kind of like maybe an extra formal way, and he used his middle initial. So people spray-painted the billboards that the buses saw on the way in. When he walked in the cafeteria, they all said, you know, I'm Ronald Staver. It's not his real name, but that's, you know,

and it just like chanting hundreds of people making fun of this guy in unison so i looked him up on facebook recently it turns out he owns a lot of bitcoin a lot of bitcoin he's been in it since 2011 he had so much extra bitcoin he offered to give it to everybody on his friends list and not a single person took him up on it i think he might be very wealthy right now and i'm kind of psyched for that that's cool yeah for him yeah he's just who's laughing last now that charles m mcgillicuddy has all the coins in his corner you know yeah i live by himself it's a lot of coins it ties into this you know it's a bummer that good things are happening and happening for him in like 2017 and 18 because it's kind of late and like it's like i keep tying good things are happening and happening for him in like 2017 and 18. Cause it's kind of late.

And like, it's like, I keep tying back to the game of Thrones thing. Who's the old guy with the 19 sons. Walter Frey. Thank you. Would you take his life? Like if that was the life you wanted,

you know, fuck your 19 wives and do this and do like, everything goes your way. Just screwing people over, do it being king of your universe but then the last three months of your life are not good that's not a bad deal the bill cosby paradigm yeah yeah what do you think dream yeah it's hard to get away from that isn't it i mean you know we're all gonna have a shitty ending sooner or later would it would it be that much worse three months earlier i don't know it'd be

it feels like you know just if i look at that logically that i think i'd probably rationally i suppose rather than logically i think i'd probably take a really good life with a shitty ending over a shitty life with a good ending yeah definitely like i wouldn't want to live a horrible shitty life and then like be a minor hero in a war yeah right no yeah unless like there's a statue of me or something yeah not even then because eventually someone would say that statue's racist and they tear me down yeah they definitely tear down paterna's statue right yeah well he needed it torn down so this is interesting that we bring this up because one of our AMA questions is actually

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MVMT.com slash PKA. Link below. Woody's got a very nice watch over there. Go to Movement.com slash PKA and join the movement I've been wearing my watch every day I have a watch that tells my altitude but it stopped working well so I put on the

movement because I know and bumped anyway so I had a couple watches to choose from the movement and some others and the date was wrong with the movement watch you can just pull it out halfway and fix the date with wrong. With the movement watch you could just pull it out halfway and fix the date. With the other one I was spinning and spinning and spinning until I

eventually was like, fuck this watch. I'm not going to wear this piece of shit. And now I've been rocking the movement for a couple weeks. So Taylor, how and when would you prefer to die? No magic. You can't say the year 3000, I'll board

your starship. No, I wouldn't be. So my first thought was like, oh, I want to be like 110, but then I was thinking like, what is that quality of life going to be like between 88 and 100, 85 and 110,

80 and 110, who knows? Like, if you get to 80, and you're like this this is getting rough and you know you're not going for another 30 years like that's got to kind of suck so i think like 90 is an old enough age but not so old that like you're wishing actively for death like i'm sure you are once you get like into the mid 90s in most situations so like 90 91 years old and i want to die of uh something god something funny that'd make the paper what would it be like what's something that like a way an old person wouldn't like maybe a cocaine overdose like at the age of like 91 and then like it'd be like a picture of me like with like a beer or something like giving a thumbs up

and i'd be like man that guy was always a blast. So it would be a fun memory. So there you go. Drug overdose at 91. Maybe I don't want to live that long. Maybe I die at like 43 and I have turned

myself into a human manned torpedo to try to overthrow the the chinese government that has conquered the united states and i take out like a chinese like aircraft carrier with my human torpedo i like that this is all gonna happen like in the next 10 years almost then right you're almost in the last decade i was going there a little bit when i was like i'll make it up 17 i thought living to 40 or even 35 would be plenty, right? You know, like 35, like what is even the point of life after that? But now I'm 44 and I'm like, yeah,

I'm still feeling relatively athletic. Like I can do cool shit. So I wonder when that stops and how I'll feel then, right? If at, let's say between 55 and 60, all of a sudden you don't move well enough to do good things. Is that when life ends? Or will at 60, I'd be like, you know, there's still a lot of cool stuff left.

I can do at some point. Do you acknowledge that your quality of life is low or is it always better than no life? I don't know. At some point it definitely becomes worse than no life. I think like you can tell with certain old people, like even at the store sometimes like so i'll see some like old lady and be like like start making up backstories for them

do you guys do that where you see random people in public and you make backstories for them okay well i do and i'm like man this poor bitch like i bet her husband's been dead for 25 years she has to sleep alone every night and wake up with creaky awful uh bones and in her medicine is not good enough anymore she's always got like a dry tacky mouth you know she hasn't been laid since the nixon administration like like all these kind of things that i'm thinking about and it always just makes me sad when in reality like it's probably like some old lady who just like probably is gonna forget where she parked her car but for the most part she's fine i haven't talked about this yet but my mother-in-law died yesterday uh which for people watching the show was wednesday and one of the hard parts for everyone

around her was that she didn't want to die um at at some point in the process for people who don't know she was either 77 or 78 she had a birthday while she was with us and i forget which and uh at some point you sort of stop hoping that they get better and start hoping that they stop hurting and uh but not her like four days ago you know they're asking like hey do you want to sign a dnr and she's like no no i'm not really set on that one yet it's like you have stage four cancer everywhere you're 78 you can't walk you're not ready for dnr and she wasn't she didn't want to die and i'm ready for dnr right now that's right i'm sorry to hear that so um i don't know the whole death topic like sort of wraps in like at least my experience i've never cared for anyone in those last months before and uh it might be that like you never really are like yeah this has been a good ride i'm done with which is what we all think we'll say when we're older you know

yeah because basically what it is it's like the whole world is a party and that party is going to keep going on like you just have to leave like so it's it's not like it all just ends like you know oh a year from now they're going to be there's going to be a lot of fun stuff to do too like even if i'm so old to not be able to enjoy it like it'd probably be nice to see it like to bear witness to this kind of stuff like that does make sense turns out you know i want to i want to see i want to see the whole the whole series there it'd be a shame to go out now and maybe it is just a movie for some people where they're just like yeah i would like to see how this happens how that pans out but uh uh like what is happening for you what do

you like were you like almost split thinking like yeah she was in so much pain all the time like it's almost a blessing in disguise but then seeing her not wanting that is also like ah like i shouldn't feel like like it's a good thing if she's clearly not seeing like it's an okay thing it's so not split but or maybe a kind of split like i clearly thought that death was a better option than a slow degrading because coming back wasn't on the menu right that's not a thing that she was going to do so it was just whether she was she come was she kind of all the way there on that that was she aware and responding and interacting with that fact that she i feel like a lot of times people just don't get there they're never quite you know you're always hoping for a miracle you're always fighting for life you're always you know holding on're always hoping for a miracle. You're always fighting for life. You're always, you know, holding on to that idea that you're, that it isn't going to necessarily end here

because, you know, A, how do you ever imagine non-existence? But it feels like on some level that, you know, like. She got cancer. So to take a step back, from Jackie's perspective, both her parents got cancer like eight years ago and her father died, but her mother beat it. Then her mother got cancer again, beat that and got cancer like a third time and didn't. So Jackie's had her parents dying for the last eight years, which is a pretty rough scene.

And maybe that contributes to the idea that her mother was always hoping to pull it around because she had done it twice before. And, and, but, uh, us still like she, her mind wasn't fully functional for the last couple of months. Like she had just lost a step. And, um, you know, so at one point, like for the last three years, I'm trying to get to your question. They were like, well, you're not beating this cancer, right? This, that's not happening. We know what's going to kill you, but we don't

know when, you know, so, you know, you might live with this for five or seven years, or you might live with it for two or three or one. And, uh, so she, but she never seemed to like, accept that. Uh, it was kind of a, you know know like even a month ago when the doctors are like okay let's stop the chemo right it's causing you more pain and you know like the studies say like based on where you are if you don't do chemo you've got like 28 days and if you do do chemo you're at like 31 you know do you want to be on chemo for the rest of your life it's like no no this chemo is exhausting and bad and yeah um but like even with that kind of knowledge like being told 30 days she'd accept it and then like four days later be like well still maybe maybe you're not even on

chemo anymore like it um no amount of blueberries is gonna solve this equation so uh so it was a really difficult it was a difficult death you know and uh it's part of not not ever wanting to die or accepting that death was coming soon like you know like she'd wrap up her fares or like you know have a like you know it was all left to us to sort of do like you know find how she's going to get cremated and how like all that stuff um yeah that's that's all on such a knife edge though isn't it it's like you know in another circumstance we'd call her a fighter in another circumstance we'd call her optimistic and you know not willing to give up because she's not willing to end her life and you know if it was a different scenario and you have to wonder like

how much of this is kind of hardwired into us right like where the organisms that have survived or the descendants of the organisms that have survived after millions of years of this are we really going to roll over and die at the first give up at the first opportunity for that so i don't know it's the end of the life stuff is so horrifying everyone's going to go through it everyone is going to get there sooner or later there's no avoiding it and there's like no preparing for it either because there's no happy ending for that right like i mean your wife did it for eight years and yeah is this like and what is that the end of that everyone's excited that it's over no of course not it's a loss of a loved

one it's fucking horrifying yeah i got a question i text for just a second and the guy was like hey you know uh sorry about that. But I know it's also like a huge relief. And Jackie's not feeling really. Just people know Jackie was an absolute hero in caring for her mother. You know, she would eight hours a day. She cared for her until the last couple of weeks when it was 20. You know, she slept there.

She's been sleeping next to her mother. And and she was there holding her been sleeping next to her mother and uh and and she was there holding her hand as she took her last breath like everything and now she feels some guilt that she didn't do enough and it's like there was no like you have been perfect but it we took the whole day off i broke my diet fuck it you know Everyone's a little sad. I think it's understood that you can eat some feelings on a day like that. Nobody's judging there.

I'm sorry to hear that. That's rough. Alright, Taylor. So you get diagnosed with a brain tumor. You got 18 months to live. What's on your bucket list? Fill myself weeping. put it on Facebook, get to meet every professional athlete in the country.

Oh, nice. No, come on. Say I was being bullied. All right, Keaton, get out of here. That's exactly what I was... I don't know what I'd do. 18 months? Honestly, if you told me I have 18 months to live, it would take me a few months

just to get out of a crippling depression of like i would i would stop working out you're gonna waste i'm gonna waste i'm trying to be honest with myself like i wouldn't be like hey you know what i got a year and a half let's go to fucking spain and just like take off like at least a month or two i feel like i would be just wanting to be by myself and probably just cry. And just feel – I'm being honest. This is what I would probably do. I would be horrified of dying.

I'd be like, I didn't plan for this. Like, holy shit. Why did I spend time getting in shape? I wouldn't even fuck Tinder girls anymore. Actually, I wouldn't have to use a condom. You're terrible at dying. This is who I hope I am. I hope that I get my affairs in order and then just do some risky enough shit that I'll be lucky to make 18 months.

Like you think my upside down paramotoring is cool now? You don't know what's coming with death on the horizon. Yeah. You know what I would do? I'd want to rob a bank. Like I would want to do something like that. That's going to happen 17 and a half or months in like just to make sure You know, hopefully I'm still strong enough to rob a bank

But if there is like one crazy thing that I'd want to do that I would never do ever Otherwise it'd be like rob a bank I heard like and I would do it like the old John Dillinger way where I had a cigar and I didn't come in with My mask like off like I'd hire some eccentric clowns or whatever what you're saying is you'd spend 17 of your 18 months in jail no I said at 17 and a half months like when I got like two weeks left to live then I go rob a bank even if he did it at the start right regardless of how the bank robbery worked out he wouldn't have to worry about paying rent or who's the most evil person in the world? Like some dictator in Africa or something?

Just like 15 months in? The president of... Of who? Of the United States. Oh, God. No, definitely not that. We're verging upon a crime here, just so everyone knows. It's illegal to smack talk the president?

No, but you can't be... In certain ways, it actually... Where Taylor was going. It actually is is which is why i'm talking about like some some warlord chieftain like a coney kind of guy like whatever that guy is now like you get 15 kill him and kyle adopts his 14 year old daughter oh very good this has worked out well for kyle yeah this is uh more are you guys honestly saying that you wouldn't spend like at least a month uh just distraught like just trying to even get your

head straight trying to wonder what it's gonna be i'd spend the whole 18 months with that in the back of my head like a sort of sadness that this show is about to end oh i you got look have you ever heard that tim mcgraw song live like you were dying uh yes but i haven't formed a life philosophy around it well you if you were dying have you heard touch me baby one more time that would be we could play that you're about to be kissed by an angel he went um skydiving he went rocky mountain climbing he want he went uh 2.7 seconds on a bull named fu manchu like you'd go do some hardcore risky stuff that you had avoided because hey you don't want to die like i would do those things i would i would go but isn't that shit supposed to be

life-affirming isn't that why people do it isn't that going to be entirely pointless while you're doing it you're doing all these life-affirming moments that you're like, I'm going to die anyways in the next fucking 12 months of this. You know what's never going to happen again? No using condoms anymore. Oh, yeah, forget that. STDs, bring them on. You're not beating this brain

tumor syphilis. Like, just fuck as many women as I can, unprotected, because that'll also rationalize, like, alright, like, I can really get a lot of offspring out. Nothing would change except a condom. Man, when you put it like that. What if that actually cured your brain tumor, though? Because syphilis is, like, it eats your brain away at later stages.

What if the syphilis saved your life? What if it ate the brain tumor away? Yeah, that's how those generally work, right? You add two negatives, it cancels out. There's a lot of movies for that, where they're like, how did you beat your brain tumor? It was inoperable. It was on your pineal gland.

There was nothing to be done. I fucked my way through to the other side. I just kept fucking and accumulating STDs like Pokemon cards. It's Brittany over here, this prostitute. She fucked my brains out, and now I'm cured. Big Bertha, she saved my life with that putrid content. Now I owe 31 women alimony, but I'm just happy to be alive. Rufus turned me on to Big Bertha,

and she cured my brain tumor when Johns Hopkins could not. It was a real miracle. Thank you, Rufus. Rufus would be there with you. He would. What would you do with your relationship, Woody? With my relationship? Yeah.

Would you attempt to do something to help Jackie move on past you? What would you do with that? If you knew 18 months, what would your strategy be towards your relationship? I was curious what you'd do with that. I could see different strategies there being applicable depending on how you do that. Are you going to try to help her move on

or are you going to try to maximize the quality of time while you still have it with the fact that that's probably going to make it worse in some sense. I mean, what would you do? What would be the range of things you'd consider for that? Shucks. I mean, I've got a combo in my head. I always thought the answer was try to leave a wonderful memory, but with the knowledge that it's okay to live a life after i'm gone like that's there but does it on some level isn't everything you do good there in terms of your relationship therefore making it harder for her to move on you want to treat her like a wild animal that needs to be set free

where you just like beat it and show cruelty to it so that it leaves on its own No, you're on the subject here. Get out of here! You're doing rock chatter. I still live here! What if you did what they did on Big Love? Like, if you remember the plot of Big Love, the wife gets cancer and it's terminal. They think she's going to die. So, he marries a second woman in a polygamy style because wife number one wants some voice as to who's going to be the mother of her children after she dies.

So maybe you bring another man into the relationship, right? That way you get to pick the man who carries on after. Or a woman with a very masculine jawline. Yes. You and Jackie are on Tinder looking at these guys. You're like, oh, that's a terrible jawline, Yes. You and Jackie are on Tinder looking at these guys. You're like, that's a terrible jawline, honey. I can't even believe you looked into that.

He doesn't have... Look at his paramotor. That's a 90cc, baby. You don't want a man that runs a 90cc. Look at his wing. It's chartreuse. I don't like this guy. If you did get like the 18 month to live thing because given how religious your parents are do you think there would be just a

deluge of you don't want to go to hell like you got to get yourself sorted you got to do this you get like do you think that would would come out oh do it comes out when i'm not dying like you can't they they are so religious like well one thing is every like fork in the road of life involves praying you know like it they pray on like like ah car needs new tires you know we got bf goodrich. We got Cooper. I'm going to discuss this with God and see how he can help me arrive at that. Everything, everything is that. And they view all politics, all purchasing, all decisions through this lens that God is going to – they're going to have a meeting of the minds and see which direction to go. they're going to have a meeting of the minds and see which direction to go.

How annoyed must God be with your parents if he's actually up there and he has to listen to everything that they're coming up with? The Coopers! Just get the Coopers! Just get the Coopers. It doesn't matter if you go to Longhorn or Outback. It's the same thing! Lord, let me enjoy this blooming onion without my heart exploding asunder. Lord, as we look upon the great decision at hand, the blooming onion or the Aussie cheese fries, we appeal to you and your imminent wisdom to guide us.

And they made the blooming onion with but one onion. But when it was presented to us, there were three onions worth of food on the plate. Explain that. Explain that! Explain that to me! The loaves and the fishes. So fucking annoying. Oh, I have no issue with religion. My refill lasted eight days.

I would drink and I would drink and I would drink and the water would not go down! I was sated! When you were in the bathroom! Blasphemy! I was sated! What if they just didn't refill it when you were in the bathroom? Blasphemy! Blasphemy! Are you saying the Lord... You ordered wine, not water! Yeah.

Get that. There's no way, even if you believe that God is listening to all your prayers and he should be consulted through... about most important things, that you could think that God cares what air filter you get for your Hyundai or that, or that he cares which pair,

whether you wear the ankle socks or the knee socks, like, like, like, uh, should I get the Murano wool socks? Lord, I just don't know.

Like he doesn't care. There's no way he cares. Even like big questions. I feel like he wouldn't care that much. Like if he's like, I don't know if I want to be Presbyterian or Baptist. Like I feel like God, if he was up there, would be like, honestly, they're both close enough. You're hitting all the main points with both of them. I'd say go Presbyterian because the Baptists don't let you dance or do anything fun.

I hope that there is a heaven. There is a heaven. There is a God who is... Oh, we're not going to get there. Stick with me here, goddammit. You took the Lord's name in vain. I know we're not getting there. This is hypothetical. Okay, go ahead.

I hope we get there, and he's like some sort of a great eagle or something, and everybody had it wrong and his covenants were just absurd the things that we were supposed to do and so the people that we would have thought would have just been scumbags they've actually been following the teachings of the great eagle and they're the ones getting in hmm the great eagle that is great yeah well that's what i was watching all those borat outtakes, and that's what he worships. She's like, are you a Christian? No, I follow the great eagle.

She's like, well, that's an idol. You shouldn't be doing that. I hope that nobody's right. I really do. That would be great. That's the ideal scenario, if you ask me, that there is a God, but nobody had it right. I really do. That would be great. That's the ideal scenario if you ask me. There is a God, but nobody had it right. Everybody was just completely ass-backwards wrong, and that God's like, I don't care. I don't care about any of that shit you guys have been doing. Just welcome. Welcome aboard.

That really is the best option, because if everyone gets it wrong, it's like when you're in a college class, and everyone gets it wrong, it's like when you're in a college class and everybody gets an F on the test and tanks. And so it gets curved up. You think you're getting curved up into it. Oh, yeah, I'm getting curved up.

And so, like, if there's, like, a little sect of Japanese, like, you know, monks or something that figured it out, then God can at least be like, these guys figured it out. What's your excuse? But if nobody gets it, then he has to be like, I clearly didn't leave what's your excuse but if nobody gets it then he has to be like i i did i clearly didn't leave enough clues that's a risky strategy a risky strategy because you get the monks the monks the fucking devout somewhere like you know all clustered off cut off from everybody else they're probably like 100 on whatever scale he's running right like maybe like 95 like worst case and you're like zero. So if he scales off a 95, you're still fucked. But if they get the answer wrong, and they're like,

oh, God is so good, he a great large snail in the sky, or, like, whatever it is, like, they're still wrong. Even if they got the closest with their beliefs, like, if you can't guess God's name right, whether or not it's Allah or Jesus or Buddha or the rest, like, then it doesn't count. You didn't get it right. Jehovah. Jehovah.

Well, that's... Yeah, okay. Jehovah. Baal. Maybe he was right the whole time. Maybe Satan. Maybe that's stupid. The morning star.

The morning star. If God does exist, I feel like he's probably way way too busy to to be paying attention right like there's no way though aren't we like the only ones i feel like we're his like main hobby why like why why why would that be imagine for a minute the main hobby yeah what percentage of the universe are we like you know from just like a like what all there is to look at we are not a percentage an imperceptibly small amount of a percentage. Unless he only...

Maybe just a big empty sandbox and we're the only intelligent being. You're talking like we are the Game of Thrones of his universe that he's always tuning in. What if we're the Ice Road Truckers? Oh, God. That he doesn't stop in on that much and he's watching some other world all the time

and he's like, all right, once every couple millennia, I pop on Ice Road Trucker Planet. Oh, God, this is boring. What a depressing... That's the worst scenario I can imagine, that we are the Ice Road Truckers in God's infinite cable box. We are the deadliest catch. And we're competing against Sopranos Universe.

Yeah, the Sopranos is over there in Centauri Prime and there's a fucking Game of Thrones over there in Betazoid Z and here we are in the Milky Way Galaxy just ice road trucking it up being scumbags that's a terrible outlook I would prefer that it's the great eagle in the sky

or an omniscient baked potato or something like that it's The Great Eagle in the Sky or An Omniscient Baked Potato or something like that. That's awful. Yeah, that really is. I'd never thought about it like that before. That is the worst one. I'd rather him not even know about us or really care than God be like, I don't even watch that show. It's not even worth my time. There's the Sopranos universe.

There's Game of Thrones universe. Sometimes I just watch the NHL planet, you know, and it's just, you know, fun. And then I'll pop over to the NFL planet. But they're protesting a lot. So viewership's down. We're talking about Woody. Like, even, like, if God's out there, it would be so shitty if, like, he wasn't even paying attention to us. Like, if we were the Ice Road Truckers show that he would tune into every once in a while. But, like, the Game of Thrones universe or the Sopranos universe, he's paying attention to us like if we were the ice road truckers show that he would tune into every once in a while but like the game of thrones universe or the sopranos universe he's paying

attention to all the time and so here we are praying to god thinking that he cares and we're like like showing we're just a beeping answering machine he's like taking calls other places i like that i don't i don't think that's how it works your parents probably don't either it's probably even shittier right if we're looking at like omniscient right like that's how it works. Your parents probably don't either. It's probably even shittier, right? If we're looking at Omniscient, right? A part of that, he sees everything all the time, always, right? That's what that kind of spiel is. That means he can... It means you're sitting there watching Sopranos at the same time

you have an equal amount of attention focused on fucking ice truckers. Not necessarily, because... I think that he's... To know everything, you gotta be seeing everything. Perhaps he's capable of omniscience, just as I'm capable of turning on two television sets, one with Sopranos and one with Ice Road Truckers on.

But what fool would do that? But you couldn't then answer the question, what happened in the fourth minute of Ice Road Truckers, unless you were watching that stupid fucking show. He asked Jesus about that stuff. He delegates. He's a delegator. He delegates it. I mean, clearly, if you read enough of the Bible,

he's got a lot of underlings around. If he didn't do a lot of delegating, he wouldn't need all those angels and prophets and saints and such. He's not a man who likes to be at the helm 100% of the time. Do you guys watch Ice Road Truckers? I mean, like one episode. I've never seen it. A couple seasons of it. Jesus jesus why i i don't

know like i'm supposed to know i am somewhat interested in people that work really hard that's one of the things that i find fascinating like superhuman work ethics is cool to me and i thought i'd find that nice for a truckers i guess i kind of did but there's a lot of drummed up fake drama and music. Like, you know, he's about to come to a slick return. Dun, dun, dun. And I'm just like, oh, this is so overdone. And, like, the pro wrestling voiceover dude, maybe I don't remember.

Yeah, that show was dreadful. Anyway, Jackie was sad. She pulled me out. Understandable. Yeah, if you need to pop out again, I think everybody will understand. Yeah, she's a struggle. Oh,is just says storage wars is way better honestly if we're on god's direct tv i'd rather be storage wars than ice road truckers at least then there's some mystery actually no because god's omniscient he already knows what's in the storage well it's all fixed those storage bins are pre-populated ah it's a bunch of mothball-laden old clothes changing.

God, TV sucks knowing everything. Verse 48, they don't find them. All right. Oh, so this is kind of fun for me. I was watching – not watching. I was reading a thing. Kelly Ripa. Are you familiar with Kelly Ripa?

She was in regis and kelly and kelly and michael and whatever um she's had three permanent hosts ryan seacrest michael strahan and regis filden regis would not talk to her outside of the show he didn't why because he wanted to save it for the show she She'd jump in and she'd be like, yeah. Taylor, you're slacking. I know. Outside the show, if she's someone doing good morning, he's like, no, no, no, no. Save it for the show.

Save it for the show. Because this show, people don't know, it started late. I don't know, 45 minutes late or something. Later than we normally start. And Taylor was just the taskmaster. We're brainstorming for topics. He's like, do not go down that road because the magic is gone. You say it.

It's funny. We're genuinely laughing. You cover the topic again. And, you know, I heard that joke before. It's not funny. It feels fake. It's insincere. Regis Philbin.

Philbin? I think so. Didn't talk to Kelly outside of the cameras rolling ever. That's great. Two thumbs up. Save it for the show. Don't burn that. I'm already not loving your jokes, Kelly.

It's harder to fake it. You know, or whatever. Is he dead now? I don't even know what Regis Philpott sounds like. Is he dead now? Does anyone know? I have no idea. He looked pretty good, but he was like super old even when he was

on the show he's 86 years old born in 1931 he doesn't have the energy to talk before the show i bet that's what it is like he's fucking exhausted in the article they made him sound like he was a dick but as a guy that does a show i totally get where he's coming from because i i've done dual comms with people and then you know like the recording's fucked up or something's wrong and uh it's like no like a second take yeah second take is awful it's awful i i saw wings do a dual comm with someone and the audio was messed up and he just ran with it and he explained like hey look i know the audio is messed up but the second time you do a take on this the magic is gone it's like yeah i yeah i agree especially if like i don't know what good

morning uh is about like i've never watched it i assume it's just like hashing over celebrity stuff so that wouldn't be as hard of this but if it. But if it's a comedy show or you're trying to be funny, you especially need to save it for the show because it is annoying trying to pretend to laugh at a joke the second time, which is why I think we all do a good job of that. When we do have our shows that fuck up, we don't just go like, all right, let's talk about buttholes again. Hey, I wonder if they

put filling in them huh huh what if it comes out like an anthill yeah it's like oh that was funny the first time but not now not a second but yeah i can get behind that old regis he's 86 like once you hit a critical mass of like i... I feel like once you've hit 80, you should be able to do whatever you want other than drive on public roads with the rest of us. Like, that's pretty fair, I think, right? Like, you can say ridiculous, bigoted things in line at Burger King if you want,

and people can just go, all right, he's on his last leg. Like, just fucking let him get his McNuggets. Like, are you kind of on that same page? Are you allowed to pass gas when you're, 75 or so and it's just like yeah you know when you're like that age you have like loose butthole where it just kind of ekes out just like like it doesn't have like the like the young tight snare drum asshole just no no no no my wife and i were on a airplane the other day a couple weeks ago right flying

back from somewhere and this couple stood up in the middle of the flight two old woman old man stood up and just like farted like each like six or seven eight times in the aisle just standing there audible farts and then just sat down again like nothing had happened like it was just their like moment to do that in the middle of the airfare and i'm like i've never seen anything like it and i'm just like are you fucking kidding me? So no, I'm not I'm not signing off on that Kind of ruined a little bit of my feeling in that moment. Like I lost a little bit of joy in life from that What are your recourses to that what What are your social recourses to that? You can't do a fucking thing.

No, you can't do anything if old people act weird because then you're a bully. I don't know what I'd do with anyone doing that. It would just be a very strange thing to happen. Oh, come on. If it was a guy your age, you could be like, dude, get it together. Filthy, if I were two rows behind you

and I stood up and started you know playing taps i'd be like taylor save it for the show but you would but if i did it or kyle or woody or chiz you would be 100 in the right standing up and being like what the fuck dude we're on a plane like we're all breathing this air again like like that kind of thing but an old person you just have to grit and take it like they've put in their they wouldn't even go to the bathroom they wouldn't go to the toilet and do this it was just literally in the fucking aisle

it was unbelievable sounds coordinated too like a terror attack they were both looked at their watches as they ticked closer to 12 they give each other that knowing nod and stand up and give you that old people, that loose semi...

They could just shout a la Akbar. A la Akbar! Jesus, that's terrible. Every fart as an old person must be a dice roll. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

You probably don't have much confidence as an 85 year old farting that diet of like metamucil and prune juice like god knows what's coming out like i would imagine that at that age you just got to throw on a diaper just oh where was it where like i think maybe in japan i read that they are selling more adult diapers than baby diapers because of the age discrepancy at this point. Because they're not fucking over there,

which brings me back around to, you know, I think that's a good agency. Are they measuring it in units or dollars? Because I think adult diapers are a lot more expensive. That's actually a valid question. That is a valid question. I choose to believe the funnier option, that it's units.

I have a topic. Some dude, I think in the UK, I need to check that. Nope, it was America. It was Kansas, is forced to pay child support even though he was just the sperm donor. There was a lesbian couple

who wanted to have a baby, so they went to him, and he was the sperm donor, and then they fell on hard times. They came after him for child support successfully. And the reason is they didn't go through a doctor, so he donated his sperm

the way that... Yeah, they fucked. Did they actually fuck? Is that guaranteed? Or did they do something? Because you could totally get a turkey baster. Let me... It said they didn't go through a doctor.

They signed a contract agreeing that Mr. Morota would have no financial responsibility for the child. Just goes to show that those contracts and prenups don't really pan out a lot of the time. They didn't get it notarized properly, apparently. Well, you can't sign a legal contract. You can't sign a contract that overrides the law. But we signed it in blood!

And cum! If you signed a contract saying I could murder you, I'd still be on the hook for murder. Oh, but remember that cannibal who had a contract with the guy? The guy wanted to be eaten, and the cannibal cut off the man's penis. I don't know about his balls, but he definitely cut the man's penis off and cooked it, and then they ate the penis together. I remember reading about that years ago,

and I mean, I guess I don't really have that much of a problem with it, but if they both agree, but at the same time, it's like you can't now be introducing the problem of forging agreed cannibalism contracts into the world. Yeah. How disappointed? That is just depraved and degenerate. How disappointed would you be if you're the cannibal, right,

and you finally found someone who wants to be eaten, and this guy shows up and he takes his pants off, and he's just got a tiny little micro... And you're like, whoa, how are we going to share that? How are we going to share that? That Hershey's kiss is not going to feed anyone. That's just the plate presentation then. It's a lot of, like, you know, like like a fancy restaurant there's a lot of basil on there slice it and make some little rosettes out of the slices

or something well but at the same time like i don't i think they just ate his penis first but i think the guy like that wasn't like the the main course like he wanted to like chop his ass cheeks off and like roast them and like eat his arms. And like, like he wanted the whole, I believe he did. Like I don't, it's been years,

but I think he ended up killing the guy eventually. And then eating like a lot of them, more of him. But the interesting part was that they ate his penis together. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, if you were going to eat something of yourself,

right, there aren't too many things you could easily eat. Like I, I feel like you could chop your dick off and just be like, well, that's unfortunate, but I'm going to die soon anyway. And, you know, is this really that big a deal? It is.

You're going to bleed to death if you get your dick cut off, first of all. And second, I can name ten body parts I'd eat before my dick. Go ahead. Name two. Ear, toes, fingers. You're not good eating fingers eating though i'll cut out my appendix with a pen knife myself and do that i don't even know which side it's on so that'll be it that'll be its own rest oh no i got a fucking kidney oh i just got one more like uh i wouldn't want that

uh oh man part of my tongue i'd eat that before i ate my tongue, I'd eat that before I ate my dick. I'd eat one ball before I ate my dick. But, yeah, there's so many options. Taylor's Rocky Mountain Oyster Delicioso. Yeah, I'm hoping that cannibalism becomes legal at some point. What? What? Yeah, I want to eat some people.

I'm 100% down for this. I think that we've got an overpopulation problem. We've got an issue with not enough food out there. I'm totally— And thinking about it, there's probably a lot of veal just sitting around on the internet right now. Oh, yeah. I've been vealy, never works out, sits in front of their computer all day. Like they've been just gestating. Marinating. Marinating, yeah, in just Mountain Dew and Doritos.

There's some marbly gamers out there, right? Like Kobe and Pete. A self-imposed veal situation where the only parts that are really strong on them are their thumbs. Some guy with a whole plaster of boogers on his table.

I know what you're talking about. That joke there. That's a little funny moment there. Yeah, yeah. That's a little funny moment. Do you want to talk about Boogie? Did you see that Boogie's getting divorced? I did.

It was a real amiable adult, sort of both agreed. And he said no lawyers, but I think they maybe shared a lawyer and just sort of divvied it up. There's no kids, which simplifies it a lot. Yeah. As far as the passage you lot and as far as like the passage you wrote as far as a divorce can go like i know like with divorce and stuff that you're really kind of hamstrung in some situations on what you can say while the proceedings are still in effect but like it seems to be going well or as well as you can expect still at least that's

the public face of it right like you know he might i think he genuinely doesn't want her to catch any heat and like if he were to tell a more biased but true story then she might like what if he was like you know what i i wish it wasn't ending i'd love to try again i'd love to do like if he were to say that sort of thing uh maybe she would come off as more of a villain yeah and perhaps like kudos to him for not being a dirtbag about it you know yeah and maybe he's hoping that like uh you know in the future with some time apart maybe they could uh he said that yeah he said in one of his posts he said you know like she's giving her time and who knows what the you know the future holds maybe we'll get back together someday and uh i forget did she comment not happening there was a i forget I forget which celebrity divorce it was.

I think it was Courtney Cox and David Arquette. Does that sound like a couple that was a thing once? Absolutely, yeah. And somehow, they publicly said it was sort of an even split. And then David Arquette was like, not that even. She dumped me. And it was kind of hard on him. And then me, you know, and it was kind of hard on him. And then I read this article and it was so great.

They're like, you know, every time some couple comes to like a group idea that they're going to split up, that's not the truth. The truth is somebody dumped somebody. And in this case, it seems like, you know, our friend Boogie is the one who like hopes it comes back together someday, who didn't really want this, who loved her so much. He was giving her the things that she needed. And she's the one who's kind of saying, you know what? What I need is to be single. It could be. I do think there are examples, though, of like when people are like, oh, it's never truly mutual.

It's like sometimes there. I mean, that that's not really true. Like sometimes the relationship isn't where you know there's a big thing where it boils over it's just like you grow apart to the point that it just kind of needs one person to initiate and kind of be like you know this i think we both kind of know where this is at right now you know and and that we're not doing not making the other person happy as much as you know like it almost is like you know we're kind of wasting each other's time right now in a way. Yeah. And I always wondered if we're kind of in our heart of hearts

and know that this isn't going to work out. That's why Taylor likes them young. That way he knows they've got plenty of time to waste. Yep. Yeah, get them at 21, and then you've got a five-year buffer between me and them, and you've got... I'm talking about relationships kyle like

i would not be in a relationship with anyone younger than 21 i wasn't talking about relationships well then i mean as i said before i am a firm i i i listen to uh kyle's sermons the same way a lot of people listen to uh like joel osteen you know i was like i don't know about this 18 year old thing and kyle was like well you haven't truly considered you haven't considered what you're missing out on let me let me tell you let me lay hands you know and that kind of thing you know kyle's right made a lot of great points have you had a date with a girl under 21 but over 18 of course uh not a date over 16 right as much no um wait has has anyone come over does anyone under 21 know what your cum smells like taylor wayne's making a special guest appearance

hypothetical yes yes pro on for a young lady for a young girl yeah but um yeah 21 I think was like here filthy tell me if you think you agree with this like I don't know where I'm at if I ever want to have kids like or not if I ever want to have kids but I want plenty of time and so I feel like if I

I'm 26 if I start dating a girl that's 26 four years from now like it's gonna be shit or get off the pot time almost where it's like she's probably gonna want children and want way more commitment whereas if i start dating someone who's 21 22 and five years from now there's still that buffer zone you know where i'm gonna say we come to this point a lot when we have these conversations about your dating life i think you need to date someone who has some views in line with you and you might you don't have to date someone who wants children

that's not that's not 100 of women kids eventually i think like taylor it seems like the 21 year old thing is perfect for you like it's a lot of sense at 21 five years from now she's going to be like look or maybe even four years from now she'll be like you've got to either marry me or set me free because now she's 25 she has like one more good roll of the dice at which point she's in the near retread market looking for divorced guys and stuff so that watch you guys were uh hyping earlier the for your ad roll yeah does that does that have like a four-year timer that like built in you can just start a biological clock on it for girls yeah it's like it's just like you start dating the girl you're like click start that and like three years later you're done because your watch goes off like

like you still roll that would be like what i don't want is to get to be like 31 i guess five years from now and then and feel like i wasted a bunch of time you know like kyle is in a different boat because kyle knows 100 you never want children and you never want to get married your mind is made up like i probably will at some point want to get married and have kids and if i'm like 31 32 and i feel like i haven't made any inroads like i can understand like a little feeling of panic like shit like you're 32 now or whatever. Did my retirement argument sink in with you at all? How many kids do you want?

Is it two? Yeah, the 29-year thing you said, I think it was. I think it was 31 with two kids. I'd have to do it again. But yeah, something like that. It's like from the moment you meet to the moment you can retire is like 31 years with two kids. That's when they'll get out of school. That seems so long.

But, you know, yeah. You're going to be half to working until you're 63 or something. That's a ways. I admit that argument you made, I did think about it some because I'd never considered the opposite of like trying to get it done early. Where, you know, like i have friends now who who already have kids one of my like a friend of mine when i was 19 got married got married when he was 19 had a kid had two kids by the time he was like 22 or 23 which like that scared me in the other direction where i was like holy shit like you've basically

decided childhood's over i don't need to experience my 20s you know like kind of sowing my oats or whatever like you've made a decision like you got fucking kids now like life will never be the same but your argument like i was thinking about it like in relation to that i'm like oh but by fucking 40 he's home free like they're out of the house unless he has another kid or something so that doesn't make sense yeah so there's a happy medium in there somewhere there is somewhere you gotta find it i think better parents are a little older too you know and it's hard to say whether you're a better parent because you're older whether you're a better parent because you're older or whether you're a better parent because you've been a parent, you know, and you just be good at it next time around.

Oh, she just asked a good question. What's more important, enjoying your 20s and 30s or your 50s to 70s? I say 20s and 30s when you can still go out and do whatever you want for the most part. But everyone says that, right? Like the most important time in your life is now. Yeah, but like I feel like you can get a lot more enjoyment in your 20s and 30s than 50s to 70s. Like, you're just going to be in more physical pain.

You're not going to be as comfortable. But enjoyment's subjective. That's fair. Like, I've never been 50 to 70, so I have no idea. Yeah, I think about the dread. Like, being 63, having a job that you haven't enjoyed for 13 years, but you do it because it's a have to do. You have a have to do, like so much have to in your life.

No want to. Want to, like you did all your want to's in your 50s, you know, where you can still do shit, are wrapped up in this dreadful job where you've already peaked. Yeah. Ah. No children. Seems like there's a lot of negatives to all of these life decisions. No negatives to getting

yourself some fur babies and a couple of concubines, alright? Just stay with the church, okay? Just keep paying... Kyle, I'm not thinking stay with the church, okay? Just keep paying. Kyle, I'm not thinking about leaving the church. The fact that you would imply that and question my faith, we've had enough prayer meetings to know. It's my job as Pope of the Church of Kyle to...

Kyle's church of 18 and up makes a lot of good points and a lot of compelling arguments, and he's a great speaker. Don't forget about our missionary trips down to Guatemala later this year. Where the rule is apparently puberty. Just out there in the ether. We're not going to be building

any schools, but we will be visiting a few. Populating future schools. When I was like 11 years old, if I lived in Guatemala, some Guatemalan guy could have been like, yeah, he's ready to go. This 11-year-old. Look at that! There's grass on the

field or whatever. Let's do it. Meanwhile, 15-year-old Woody is strictly off limits. See, if we grew up in Guatemala, I'd be having flashbacks all the time to my horrible childhood of being molested, being tricked by older men and women. But you, you'd have been fine.

You'd have slid under the rail. I emotionally matured before physically. Oh. Yeah. Did you? I'm still emotionally maturing Oh. Yeah. Did you? I'm still emotionally maturing, I guess. Did you? Kyle and Filthy, because I know Woody always jokes about hitting it late,

and I always joke about hitting it early. Did you guys hit it the normal time? Yeah, like 12. I guess what is normal? Oh, okay, like 12. Yeah, that's normal. I don't know. I don't know how to judge that.

I mean, I remember masturbating as long as I can have a memory i remember masturbating like as a very very super young child i said you know it pissed me off when i started coming from masturbating because orgasm was great without the mess so i don't know like i'm trying to think now when i was growing hair and whatnot i don't remember it wasn't that important in my life that it had left an impact of when that was i I don't think I know. It'd be more important if you were changing in gym class as the only hairless nutsack in the room. It'd be more important if you're like, look at this guy's full bush. This guy has a forest, and I have two sprouts on either side with no connecting in the thing.

You just got like a George Costanza skull down there. You got a little bit of fun. It's like, this is supposed to be the summer of Woody! Yeah, I was, the only thing that I felt like came a little bit late was like armpit hair. I feel like I wanted that. I wanted that to get in there and be and and and be a thing and it i think i was maybe like ninth grade before i really had enough armpit hair to feel like a man

but but everything else was seemed like it was on pace you know one of my manly hood things was um i swear to god my calves we would sit in gym class class and so it's a basketball... You can't count the number of times I've heard about your calves. Right? That's true. They come up all the time. It's very strange. We'd sit on the basketball floor and everyone would be in a perfect grid in both directions and that's just sort of where you everyone knew. They went to their positions without

thinking about it. They formed this grid and they waited for the gym teacher to come and address you and tell you what you're doing that day. Well, something about sitting on the basketball floor like on your butt, you know, like in this position, like your calves are really on display. Like that, that was just a thing. And, um, I don't know, like even before, like the rest of me, like, you know, most people like their chest and their biceps and their deltoids start sprouting.

That was like my first, like, like the calves developed and i'd sit there in class and i like mine you can like shake them almost like there's a mass there that shakes back and forth and hangs and uh i could do that it was like look at me i have a mass that i could shake back and forth and hangs too what are you going that probably hadn't happened yet but sitting in gym class is my like you know everyone else is everyone else is like, oh, look at me. Like, this happened. I was like, look at these bitches. You know, I've got, like, tits below my knees.

I got in trouble. I don't know if I've told this on the show, but I used to, like, totally fuck off in gym. Like, didn't care. Like, I saved. In high school, like, you had to take gym, obviously. Yeah. But, and so many people were like, oh, I'm going gonna take my gym's freshman year like to make it easy like i saved so many study halls so many gyms so many bullshit things for senior year so that it would just be whatever like and it ended up everybody who didn't do

that was like god taylor you had this shit figured out i'm like i know i hit puberty at nine put these pieces together uh but what i there's a I would forget my clothes all the time for gym. And so I would make a freshman, give me their clothes. And of course I was much, much bigger than them. And there was this one smaller freshman and I'd be like, Sam forgot my shorts. Give me yours. He's like, Taylor, I don't have any other shirt. Sam, give me your shorts. And then he'd give me your shorts and then he'd give me his shorts and I put these little tiny shorts on to like where Dick is almost hanging out of my shorts

and then Sam would have to wear jeans that day and so I'd put on the little shorts and like you had to like run through the common area to get through the gym from that and I would like take like big strides in these little shorts with my ass almost hanging out. You'd almost see dick.

Nothing's being hidden in these shorts. And I would just traipse in and start stretching big for kickball or something. And the PE coach, he hated this for some reason. Oh, for some reason. He'd be like, Taylor, are those your shorts? I'm like, yeah. He's like, it says Sam on them. I'm like, ah, my friends call me.

You know? Taylor, go put your own shorts on. It's like, I forgot them. And so, man, after like the fifth or sixth time I did that, he actually pulled me into his gym man office and was like, Taylor, you can't keep taking shorts from the freshmen. Just bring your clothes. That's the first and only time that conversation was had anywhere on this planet. It was, but I never fully took, like, seriously what he said for, like, punishments or, like, anything. Because it was gym, and it was like, what he said for like punishments or like anything

because it was jim and it's like i can play kickball it's fucking fine like i can deal with the 10 points taken off for it's freaking freshman give me their clothes uh but he was a meat gazer i think i brought that up before too right no so he uh the way that our shower was set up is like it was like a just a big room with a bunch of shower heads. There were no dividers. It was just a big room with a bunch of shower heads and like fucking four of them worked well. So you had to get in there quick. And that's pretty much every high school gym everywhere.

And everybody showered because it was morning PE and you don't want to smell like asshole all day. And like as you were getting out of the shower in the hallway like where your towels were hanging up instead of him being like around the corner like yelling like boys you know hurry up five minutes till class or whatever he would be leaning up against the wall like this watching us dry off taylor to be fair you only have that from when you were in class and you just literally told us a story about how you used to steal the other kids' shorts. So you might have been watching to see what you were doing to them in the shower. No, the only thing I ever did to them in the shower was make them –

It was a thing you did to them in the shower? Yeah, it was. Don't watch that. I would forget to bring shampoo. And so I would make them – there was a kid who had coconut milk shampoo and he always, you know, I would always get that from him and that was good. Another thing I did

is I would take a chair, a plastic chair from out there and I would leave, Jim, like five minutes early. This made me laugh so hard every time.

And I was like the only senior in the class and so you get that seniority and so I'd like run down to the locker room and like get naked, grab a plastic, one of those plastic blue chairs

that like, they would sit you with like three slits in the back. I would put it right in the middle of this shower room, aim every single shower at me, and then just sit there... in this chair. And then when, like, the freshmen came in, I'd be like, I'm not done.

And then I would sit there for, like, a few minutes until, like, eventually, he would come around, you know, Mr. Meat Gazer, and see all these naked, you know, freshmen and sophomores and juniors and then I would sit there for like a few minutes until like eventually he would come around, you know, Mr. Meat Gazer and see all these naked freshmen and sophomores and juniors or whatever standing in the corner like, why does nobody shower? And like, Taylor's got all the faucets.

Oh man. Taylor, you're a bad person and I'll explain. We taught my children, we raised this and we're like, look, there are going to be times when you're in a position of power and it's your job to protect people smaller than weaker than you, not to abuse them. No one ever told you that? I didn't take it to heart.

No, okay. No, but it wasn't like making people late. Like after a minute or two, it's like you get up and of course it's a joke. It's not like, no, nobody gets to shower because I'm in here give me your coconut milk shampoo he stole their clothes if i was sam in this position i would feel very abused no this the reason that i liked it sam the reason i picked sam is because this kid i knew him like he had a sibling that i was friends with and so it was always known as like a joke of like. He would never get in trouble for it. It was never like Sam showed up in jeans

and it was like, oh Sam, you're getting marked off. It was always like, god damn it. Taylor's wearing teeny tiny shorts and you're wearing jeans. I know what happened. Sam would be laughing about it too. It was more funny than other stuff. Poor Sam.

I bet Sam has some problem with this to this day he sees it ah he hoards shorts now yes no no one fucking touches honey i need to wash your shorts no there's a lock and a key on that and it's like a chest of fucking shorts some sort of levi-based ptsd yeah yeah he hears He hears little sounds while he's in the shower, and he's like, Oh, my coconut milk shampoo's still here. Okay, thank God. Maybe, as an adult, now he has

one of those car wash showers where he can put all the nozzles on himself and sit there like the king that he always wanted to be. I hope he does have that now. I do think the showers with like the two nozzles for like him his and her is fucking brilliant like i think that's like and you can have a shower together showering together is fun it often leads fun places but you can also have

all the water for yourself all of the time which is pretty fucking great yeah i've got a lubricant dispenser in my shower really no i didn't think so. You've heard me talk about the amazing... Let me do my Dollar Shave Club. You've heard me talk about the amazing shave that I... What? It did. You sound quiet. It went down again. Maybe it'll readjust. I have it unchecked. Is it getting better? Better? Better? Better?

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Check them out. We genuinely use their stuff. And we also want to remind you that Chiz has put together some holiday painkiller already gear there's a lovely Christmas jumper a lovely long sleeve t-shirt there's a cool bobble cap which I've got over there somewhere

and I'm just seeing this now there's some PKA socks with each of us sort of cartoonized I see one of us is an elf one of us is Santa and Hunter maybe? Woody is each of us sort of cartoonized. I see one of us is an elf, one of us is Santa. Hunter, maybe? Woody is Belschnickel or something. I don't know what that is.

You've got antlers. So very cool stuff. Marine deer. Ah, okay. That makes sense. I like the art. That's one of the cooler parts. Yeah, so check out all that holiday gear.

What are you facepalming for, Chiz? I'm looking at this tiny image. Okay, he's a reindeer. I'm sorry. Does that upset you? You cunt. You shadow dweller. Oh, he stopped saying anything.

All right, Chiz, we're on the edge of our seats. We want to hear what you come back with. Yeah. This better be good. meat log peddling bitch I got nothing that's not bad meat log peddling bitch you're giving Chiz too much shit for that I ate quite a bit of his chorizo and I liked it

yeah I'm not giving him shit for it I appreciated him sending me that log of meat both of them I didn't get a log of meat and you guys are getting multiples I got two logs of meat. I got two as well. They are delicious. He must have spent in excess

of $35-$40 to get that two-meal rush delivered and such. Those things are both keto-friendly. I've been eating a lot of meat and sausage and cheese ever since kyle sent that picture of like his tapas spread i was like oh yeah and here i am with a fucking

banana like some douche like and i went out and got a bunch of sausage and a bunch of cheese and uh and like there's no way to really gauge how much cheese you're eating until you go back for the final slice and you open your fridge and they're like, I had a block of Swiss in here. Where's that block? Oh, no. Oh, I ate a whole block of cheese

in the last two hours? And then you don't feel too great the next day because that's too much cheese. I have found how to gain a little weight. I've gained about four pounds over the last two weeks because I've eaten about four pounds over the last two weeks because I've eaten about 12 pounds of fucking cheese. Yesterday, I ate

10 ounces of just blue cheese. I ate 10 because each each, I get this stuff. It's called Glacier Wildfire Blue Cheese. It is fucking delicious. I ate two wedges of this stuff. Each of them is five ounces. In bed, just two of of this stuff. Each of them is five ounces.

In bed, just two of them. I've got a fancy cheese knife now. It's all serrated, and it's hollowed out in the middle, and it's got like a double-pronged poker that I use to like stab the cheese and put it in my mouth. I ate an entire thing of Havarti. Remember to use your smart mouth, Kyle. It seems like you need it. Oh, all right.

A whole block. How much cheese did you eat? Oh, a block. A block of cheese. I'm eating multiple blocks of cheese every night with meat or eating with crackers or are you just kind of eating cheese i have an assortment of crackers and i i have uh uh like a big like summer like meat log big sausage thing that i that i saw into slices with my cheese knife and uh and but but i eat mostly cheese um i got some mostly cheese most is do you ever feel like a big fat fuck like when you're like the whole night like

the way i eat it is i get a big platter and i have like a bunch of meat sliced up a bunch of cheese sliced up and a ton of crackers and then like i make the little like like a cracker the cheese and then the meat on there and then you you have to bite it, but then, like, of course, like, cracker crumbs get on you, and so after, like, an hour of that, you'll stand up, and there's just, like, a cascade of little bits of crackers. Yeah, man. Do you have, like, a little tiny mouth?

Why is you... I've got a... Are you biting little bits off your fancy cracker? Surely that goes in. No, it's a large cracker, I see. I keep a Dustbuster in bed with me. That way, like, when I'm done, you know, I can... I totally

believe you, because just yesterday I came back out to my couch, and I was like, this is so many cracker shavings, and probably little bits of cheese. I had to go get my vacuum and get the attachment. Yeah, I fell asleep last night after eating the two blocks of blue cheese

and the block of Havarti cheese with jalapenos. Fucking delicious and creamy. And the back of the last little big slice of blue cheese was kind of dry and I don't like it. I like it creamy and almost spreadable. So I just left it on the plate by my bed.

I woke up and the whole room stank of blue cheese. It was so pungent that Kitty walks in. She's like, it's 3 in the afternoon. She's like, God, it stinks in here. Dude, blue cheese is the main kind of cheese that I hate. It grosses me out. It's so good.

If you're out there and you like cheese and you want to get on board with this incredibly unhealthy habit that Taylor and I are fostering here, Glacier Wildfire Blue Cheese. It comes wrapped in red foil. It's like a dollar an ounce. Is there a biohazard sign on it? No. It's delicious.

It's delicious. It's so fucking good. I love it. I'm just sitting there until I eat an entire wedge of it. I want to buy good. I love it. I'm just sitting there until I eat an entire wedge of it. I want to buy a wheel of that stuff like I'm a cartoon character. I've eaten a small wheel of smoked Gouda over the past three to four days. And that doesn't seem like a lot, but that's a significant amount of cheese. And Kyle's trying to gain weight. I am not. And so this is not a path I should be on

eating cheese and meats and crackers and being like but they're all such little sandwiches like I can rationalize that I I don't I don't pre-make the sandwiches I sit there with my cheese knife and a plate with like multiple blocks of cheese on it and I slice into them over and over and just eat. I'm going to do that right after this. I'm out of cheese again. I ate all my blue cheese. I missed just the very start of this conversation. Is there something more to it than just you talking about eating cheese?

They do it all the time. They talk constantly about their diets. I eat a lot of cheese and a lot of ice cream. Blue Bell sells these half-gallon containers of ice cream, and my favorite ice cream flavor now is Banana Split Sundae,

and I ate a half a gallon of it last night in one sitting. As well as eight blocks of cheese? Yes. Why are you trying to gain weight? I just got a little skinny. I was down to like 165 or something. I'm almost 6'2 or so. I'm up to a healthy...

I was going to say, last night probably fixed that then. Almost. I'm up to about 178 now. I just enjoy a filthy diet of awful things for me. You're up to 178 now? Yeah. Nice. Now you only weigh about 15 pounds less for me. You know, I really enjoy it. You're up to 178 now? Yeah. Nice. Now you only weigh, well, about 15 pounds less than me.

Yeah, there you go. So maybe we'll meet in the middle, hopefully. Well, not if this cheese continues. By the way, that laughing cow cheese is great. That's peasant cheese. It's not expensive, but it's still good. And it comes in the little individually wrapped things, and so it helps keep your cheese consumption

under control. It slows me down. I don't care for that. I want my cheese in one large... Yeah, I want to be able to carve into a half pound of cheese if I really want to. I get a block, a block of cheese and go at it. I've been looking for an entire wheel of that

blue cheese. I'm a big fan. I want to put it on steak. In the last week, I've demonstrated I'm not responsible enough to keep pounds of cheese on hand. Yeah. It's so good. My dietary management skills have always been about, you know, make the decision once in the fucking store not to buy it rather than try to regulate when it's home.

That's what I do. That's why my diet is so healthy because when I'm at the store, I say no to the things that I really want. I don't get whole things of waffles and syrup and pancake batter. Because then I start deep frying candy bars again and we go to a bad place. You just get a gallon of ice cream.

Half gallon. I control myself. They have gallons. Calling him some sort of glutton. Hey, mayhaps. I think it's 17 servings of like 140 calories. Let me grab the bucket because I want to know exactly how many calories. Let me grab the calculator.

17 servings of 140 calories. Yeah, I'm going to do that real quick for you. Hold on. Where's my calculator? Why am I... 17 times 140, 2380 calories. Yeah. do that real quick for you. 17 times 140, 2380 calories. That's like a day and a half

of my fucking, you know, what I would eat normally in calorie rations. That's good. And that's not even like the good kind of ice cream. That's like the ice cream they bring to like kids' birthday parties. It's 16 servings of 170 calories. 16 servings of 170.

2720. You beat me. If you're out there and you're an ice cream lover and you just don't give a fuck at this point in life, Blue banana split sunday they don't have to pay me to pep it because it's so goddamn good it's amazing amazing like your your pitch for it if you just don't give a fuck yeah yeah i like that he had it on hand that means he didn't i mean maybe he dug it out of the trash but i didn't get that impression i got the impression you like pulled it off the floor somewhere right off the floor next to my bed yeah next to the others i finished it off last night and just put it on the floor and then passed out

in a and had ice cream dreams we should talk about double standards oh with uh with eating oh i'm thinking gender double standards here oh you guys been kyle doesn't put on weight right so if there was a girl who ate terrible things and didn't put on weight, I'd be fine with that too. Oh, Jesus, are you kidding me? I'd be like, in two years, your metabolism is going to fail you. And that eating habits are going to be absolutely fucking critically failing for your life. They've been saying that to me for a decade. So what's the double standard?

31. Women can't eat this much ice cream? No, I'm just laughing because half the show, well, not half the show, but a portion of the show is spent about your dating life and the things you hate about the various women you're encountering and the various things. All right, let's look at Kyle earlier today, right? It was they can't eat for two days before coming over for the mandatory enema before anal sex where they might get fed. And Kyle's like, yeah, I woke up today at 3 p.m. I ate like a wheel of cheese and a fucking half gallon of ice cream. It's, like, approximately 5,000 calories.

Yeah, but if Kyle were gay and he were getting ready for his partner to come over and put it in Kyle's ass, I bet you Kyle would not eat blocks of cheese and ice cream. Yeah, absolutely. He'd take a day off. Yeah, if she's going to be doing— But that would explain the calorie management. That's, like, I mean, 5,000 is about a day and a half. That's, like, two days. Two and a half. That's like two days.

Two and a half. Yeah, two and a half days. So if he took tomorrow off, like the timing's perfect. I do that regularly. I take entire, I haven't eaten today. Granted, I woke up at like 2 or 3 p.m. And then I went back to sleep. I woke up at 2 or 3 p.m. and then went back to bed.

I haven't eaten today. Yeah, I haven't had that sleep schedule since I was like in fucking high school. I used to work at 2 or 3 p.m. and then went back to bed. I haven't eaten today. Yeah, I haven't had that sleep schedule since I was in fucking high school. I used to work at 2 p.m. That's like an unemployed guy bragging that he has the week off. I used to have a job that started at 2 p.m., and on the weekends I would sleep in until about 1, get up, and go to work. I don't think I've had that sleep schedule since I was in high school. Mine rotates a lot.

It was pretty good a couple weeks ago, but last night Ch chiz and i literally stayed up all night watching um evil dead ash meets evil dead or versus evil dead on netflix and we watched the entire second season in one sitting last night oh jesus series i thought it was a i thought it was a couple wasn't it weren't these like 80s horror like b-grade you're not in the know no i'm not in the know they were like they're fantastic 80s horror movies made by sam ramey yeah bruce campbell uh in the leading role well there's such a like um fan base for this thing that they came back and made a series of it

just a couple years ago so he's older and fat and they mock that relentlessly like he puts on a girdle as he's when he's suiting up to go fight evil there's like relentlessly. He puts on a girdle. When he's suiting up to go fight evil, there's like a corset girdle thing that sucks his belly in. But he's still got the boomstick and the chainsaw hand. It's fairly good special effects. Lots of practical effects. Just gore and blood and just people getting

eviscerated with guts and stuff like in one of the episodes a body becomes reanimated and the intestines wrap around his neck and pull him into the asshole of the dead body and he's going no not in the butt not in the butt and it pulls his head up into the asshole so of course the dick is like right on his head and it's like a huge dick with a piercing So, of course, the dick is, like, right on his head, and it's, like, a huge dick with a piercing in the head of it. And so that's, like, right on his forehead as he's being pulled into the butthole of the dead body. But the body has been, like, dissected so he can see through the stomach hole,

and he's running around ramming the torso into stuff in the morgue trying to fight off the body. It's outrageous. I'm having trouble even following. That's why you've got to watch it. Ash vs. Evil Dead. First two seasons are on Netflix now. I like it.

I like it. If you like the Evil Dead movies, and you're down with the over-the-top gore and practical effects, then you'll like this. And, of course, Bruce Campbell's weird sense of humor. I love shitty horror movies i'm ruined for everything now like i i think it started when i talked about better call saul and how they'd spend like six minutes on artistic trying to find my keys scenes or

whatever he was looking for a bug in the car so there is the camera looking through the exhaust on youtube if a guy inhales they just jump cut that shit out. You know, we got to keep this thing flowing. And I've seen so much of that that now, I don't know, the slowly unfolding panning across the front yard shots. I'm like, you've got to be kidding me. This is dull. This is super dull. It's like you've been trained by the Internet to need such a fast feedback loop in the pleasure center that if anything takes more than three seconds of setup, you're like, Jesus Christ.

Exactly. Let's get this going. I'm waiting for today's 16-year-olds to start making Netflix stuff because the way that these 50-year-olds are doing it is slowish. I don't know, Woody. I mean, this feels like a very good segment to me. I mean, today's 16-year-olds are going to find out all about slow internet starting today. Oh, yes. You know, I guess we're on politics.

So what Filthy's referring to. Before we go to that, I had never thought about how kids nowadays might make movies like way way faster like that that had never crossed my mind that i can't wait i think that would be a bad i don't like that idea like sometimes you need those long scenes to build it up to get your emotions high to feel like there's something at stake like okay i'm in love with the winding path you know like i can get there but the fact that a nothing has to take four minutes is bullshit you know like you're just fucking videographically masturbating on screen with your sunset shots and you're you know like let's let's find let's film this bald guy looking for a gps tracker in his car can we get a camera

in the exhaust how about we get a camera under the door handle so we get the shot of him opening it? Let's get the sun setting to show how long it's taking him to find the... You know what? This is one story element you are taking a very long time to tell. It's just bad videography. It's bad storytelling when you take six minutes

to tell me a thing. I do know the scene of Better Call Saul you're talking about, and i know halfway through that scene watching i'm like we're six minutes into this episode and i don't think we're gonna get enough done like because like i know he's gonna find this thing but it was a good scene you're right it was intense but like it would have been just as intense 90 seconds shorter probably like for sure yeah it's really just like the opportunity cost of the scene where like there is a very they just they just adventure dated you right there you think your your brain

is too fucking stupid to understand different arousal stuff basically right this is adventure dating this is a uh uh fear and uh adventure excitement adventure dating like fear and adventure this is shaky bridge is the this like carbon dating, but based on your preferences for adventure? No. So basically this is taking advantage of the fact your brain is stupid in lots of ways. And one of the ways it's stupid is it doesn't interpret between different psychological effects very well. And some of them are, for example, physiological arousal and sexual arousal. So do a bunch of physiologically arousing dating.

Your brain often misinterprets the sexual arousal. This arousal so do a bunch of physiologically arousing uh dating you your brain often misinterprets the sexual arousal this is the same fucking thing this is your anger and build up of intensity of how slow this is going is making the scene more meaningful than it would be otherwise right that's an interesting way to look at it like why is it so intense and memorable because you sat there for six minutes going why the fuck is it this scene over i don't know that that's good though i'll admit that it did make it more memorable that's true because i remember a lot about my last dentist visit i wasn't enjoying it taylor nailed it with the opportunity cost too i could better call shaw

i'm sorry better call saul is a show i really like but it has aspects of it that are just dreadful you know when when someone's mad okay i watch a youtube channel i think it's like blessed living for life it's this couple building a house and every day they want to see him like make the timber frame raise it they want to see them work super hard making progress on this house and then sometimes the daily video is like a 27 minute tool review of a new gas tank spout and you're like like, Oh my God, I hate this so much. You want to know why? It's not just that you made a bad video.

There's tons of bad videos on YouTube. It's that you withheld the video we wanted and gave me this shit. Instead, there was an opportunity cost in there. And that's what better call Saul did to me with their ridiculous scene. They just, they wasted a lot of time when I could have real plot development. Yeah. I, I, I, I'm on the fence, but I definitely see where you're coming from.

Chiz just linked something. He says we need to get to this before net neutrality because apparently this is time sensitive. Or Kyle linked it, sorry. What is this? This is if you skip to, if you queue up at 1 minute and 58 seconds, this is Dr. Disrespect going live and admitting on cheating on his wife

on stream. Which, by the way, is the best example of why never to be yourself as a Twitch streamer. Right. Are we queuing up? I'm trying to. Queuing up at 115, you said, Kyle? 158, I believe. 158.

It's not 1211 because that's where do you want me to mute this I can't mute it without muting you never mind you don't have the option forget it so this is going to be embedded in the audio of this Woody probably won't matter because you haven't crashed

so I'm at 158 is everybody ready ready set play So I'm at 158. I'm ready. Is everybody ready? Yeah. There you go. Ready, set, play. Kind of have a little bit of an announcement. And I just want to be completely transparent with you guys uh

as you guys know i have a beautiful family and a wife and kid and um i want to be transparent that i've been unfaithful. And I'm probably going to be taking some time away, time off, to focus on... Stupid fucking mistakes, man. Jesus. I thought it was going to be a prank. I'm going to take time off to focus on my family. Yeah, this isn't funny.

Well, is this real or not? I just wanted to let you guys know that. Why do you say that? I apologize to you guys. Daddy, you guys are... I apologize to you guys, my sponsors, and Twitch. This is not who I am. It's not what i represent and

that's it so many thoughts on that so many thoughts on that so deep i was 80 sure it was a joke i thought it was gonna bust out and be like and I'm the two-time. I don't know, just like a play with it. He always says he's the two-time blockbuster champion of 1996 and 2007. I thought it was going to bust out joking. That's where I thought that was going. Because that guy's an incredible streamer.

I'm really surprised to see that. Why the 180 entirely from character why why give that element i think i know i'm curious go ahead just my theory i think that the aspect of genuinely touching people like there are a lot of people who found happiness through his streams that weren't finding it elsewhere and in he did a uh an acceptance award speech type thing and he was like man like i started off just goofing off and i didn't realize how important And he did an acceptance award speech type thing. And he was like, man, I started off just goofing off. And I didn't realize how important this was going to be to some people.

And I feel like I went through a similar thing on my channel where at some point you realize that at least some portion of your audience has latched on to you. they, and you mean more than some character on how you met your mother, right? Like some people were going to Dr. Disrespect and finding a little joy and a little brightness in their life through his streams. And it seemed to have a huge impact on him. And I think that this is an offshoot of that. Like, Hey, you know, I made a mistake here. And, uh, you know, to those people who think that this is important then i'm like i have a responsibility to be the full version of me to you like that i don't know

that's it's what's in my head something along those lines uh well that was interesting i i knew it wasn't going to be a gag or anything you know it's over there on live it's on uh you know it's it's well it's the front page of reddit and live stream fails and everything i knew he was coming clean about you know cheating on his wife um that was pretty powerful that's interesting one thing that um that resonates as i was watching it it bounced into my head and i think about it earlier there are so many people on youtube that achieve some level of success and then ruin their lives. Like, it's almost a rarity. You know, like, the cliche of the lottery winner is that, like, they're going to end up in debt or in jail or something like that.

And I think I saw statistics where, like, that's really common. That's super common on YouTube. There's so many people who, like, things start going well for them, and then all the order that they had leading into YouTube is gone. Yeah. I've been planning for that for so long. That's why I'm not making it big. I'm taking my time just so I really don't, you know,

I don't want to go down that rabbit hole. Ace yourself. That's right. I'm going to stay small for a real long time until I speak up on it. For a real long time. All the opportunities for young pussy are long gone I'm smarter than that

I didn't know that Dr. Disrespect was so like big I don't watch any streams so I just remember he had a YouTube channel from years and years and years ago and some of those videos were funny where he'd kill someone and edit to something dark and be be like oh i bet you liked that didn't you and like

they're just like little like quips like and it made me laugh i don't know anything about is he all a streamer now he's yeah yes and he was a call right now isn't he yeah he's huge on twitch with pub g but see back in the day taylor and i i mean it's i mean just perspective it's 25 to 50 000 live viewers any given time you log onto his stream yeah yeah so taylor and i really knew him from the cold duty days back when he was really tiny and uh and he'd do like these live action skits with randy he's like he's like these be portraying multiple characters and all these costumes and wigs and mustaches and stuff and like really awkward black and white like uh videos and then of course he'd make cold duty commentaries where he's talking lots of shit and you know absolute bloodshed it's really funny stuff it's

the same character really like not much has changed i always back in the day i uh well one he used to call me out a ton and it was basically he felt like he was a better gamer than me therefore he should be more popular that was the core of it um but it wasn't his character that like he's he was the best of all like that's his character but no this wasn't in character. This was like Facebook rants and shit like that. And yeah, I was always pretty gracious to him. We went, at one time I wanted to be the community manager in Call of Duty. And it turned out they had already hired him before I even sort of like, you know, was going to submit a resume. And my fans were hating on him.

And I was like, don't do that. Like, it's not his fault. You know, even if I had got my resume in time, he he has the same right to the job that I do I thought I was very good towards him and it didn't come in return but what I really didn't like was this he picked on X Jaws a ton and X Jaws was only 16 and I just thought that like he's a grown man picking on a kid and I thought that was like you know wait until he grows up he had one of the characters that Kyle mentioned was an X Jaws parody where he'd like put on big chains and you know, wait until he grows up. He had one of the characters that Kyle mentioned was an X-Jaws parody where he'd like put on big chains and, you know, talk about his money.

And it was just a way to attack X-Jaws. And X-Jaws was a kid. I don't remember that one. Yeah. So, but then he went in the corporate world and I think he started as a community manager for Sledgehammer. And then if I'm right, he did some map design and stuff that took exam advantage of his gaming expertise

and then he went from there to streaming got super popular and then uh like so many popular people on youtube or twitch just like you know broken cheats on his girl you think he's broken now you think that because that's broken how do you what do you think from that like clearly he's upset clearly he's going through a rough spot and something i i would i would be shocked if that influenced shit for his his his channel size oh no no no well what might influence it is the time he takes off but what i was saying i wasn't saying that like if he didn't take time off he wouldn't his career wouldn't be broken at all but his relationship will forever be scarred

like that that doesn't go back to you think that's you think that is an uh a outcome of his success in twitch you think is that okay i guess i don't know like and it's well whatever whatever like all the wrappings that come with it you know the the travel the the fame the as i said i'm a small youtuber i don't there are not large numbers of people idolizing me i haven't had that temptation or problem yet so he's going on stage bringing people to tears with his acceptance speeches and that kind of thing like i see you know like i think that experience changes a lot of people not just him like i you might be thinking if you're watching this that that would never happen to me but it might you know yeah it's like that whole south park episode joke where it's like why do

all these men with money and fame and recognition just keep fucking women other than their wives like don't they realize that they have perfectly loving happy wives at home they would love to be with and like they're like eyeing all the women in the room like are they buying it like like of course all of us know why he did that because it's very difficult to turn down sex like and yeah and he's probably getting it thrown at him way more often than any of us but if he's the big guy on Twitch. Two things to that. One, we've had this conversation before, but let's have it again. Monogamy is an option. It's a negotiated option you choose in your relationship.

You don't have to have that as a choice in your relationship. Negotiate that shit. And this just goes back to, again, what, you know, Taylor, I keep pointing out to you, facetiously most of the time, and not like I'm trying to give advice any other way on that, but you have the ability

to choose the relationship you're in. Yeah, but he didn't do that. He cheated in a monogamous relationship, it seems. Right, he didn't do a very good job

of fucking discussing what he wanted and what she wanted in that relationship. Or felt the temptation, I suppose that's a possibility too, but if really that is something that is,

you know, coming with this, there should have been a conversation about that and there should have been some discussion about what that looks like for their lives.

You know, or rather, if they had done that, they could have avoided being where they're at right now yeah they could have but like the outcome probably would have been like uh no then we're done like i'm not cool with you fucking around and then like i just can't even imagine having that conversation like when i'm in a relationship i'm in a relationship going into a relationship not in the middle of a relationship yep sure yeah yeah and you know filthy's right you choose it you'd be all have open communication and stuff that would not work for me i'm very much possessive uh sure about and

the answer and it might be there is that is not what you guys want but shoot but the point is you you will save yourself grief in the long run if you have some understanding of who you are and who they are and have negotiated ahead of time what that looks like together. I can't be more clear on this. It seems like so many problems in life are related to that. Yeah, I'm tracking with you 100%. It doesn't even enter into my mind as a possible relationship.

I would never be cool with an open relationship. You don't have to. See, you're predefining it though, right? You've already decided what an open relationship means when the very... What does it mean? Well, at the very least, it means she's fucking someone who's not you, and I'm not cool with that. What if...

It doesn't have to be that. Well, let me give an example, Kyle, right? So what if part of your relationship was, you know, the two of you are at a bar, you and the girlfriend you're with are at a bar, and you see another cute girl and you decide, that'd be a fun girl to bring home for a threesome is that okay okay uh but i'm still like involved in that like it's something that we're deciding together you know that is that is technically not monogamy anymore that's that's true that's definitely true i guess it would come down to like how do you define the aspect of not this was i don't want to change the topic too much but this is the unfilthiest thing you got the threesome uh you bring home a girl that girl the aspect of not being in the same place. I don't want to change the topic too much, but on Filthy's Thing, you got the threesome. You bring home a girl.

That girl brings yours to orgasm. Are you jealous of that? No, I'm probably enjoying that. It's weird. Now, if it were a guy, I'd be very jealous. We're playing the same game. No, no, no.

We're playing the same game. She's no, no. We're playing the same game. She's a different character. If it's a girl, like, yeah, no, no, no. We bring a completely different set of tools to the table here. Somehow that I don't feel like I'm competing so directly if there's a girl in the bed. What if it's a transsexual, Woody?

What if it's Bailey J? I really have to put this together. I think the jealousy level definitely if people don't know, Bailey J is a very hot girl with a dick, and I would be jealous of that for sure. But not as jealous as if it were some guy named Butt Nasty. As I'm putting it together, yeah, I think I'm more jealous of Bailey J. I think in this case, it's the presence of the dick, I think. think in this case it's the presence of the dick i think no no i know you'd be more jealous of bailey jay over a over a woman with a vagina but you'd be less jealous of bailey jay than of like you

know a running back for the 49ers right no you picked out that other guy though the opposite the one with all the muscles in the vagina buck nasty isn't actually... Buck Angel is the... I'm sorry. That was completely a mistake. I like Buck Nasty more. Yeah, Buck Nasty is just some random male porn star. Buck Angel is the woman who looks like a man. That's my fault for muddying the waters. Well, we'll make it, you know, whatever. Roger Aaron, the football player from Green Bay. Aaron Rodgers.

That's who he actually is. I would be very jealous of that guy if he were in our band. It wouldn't be okay with that. So, uh yeah i will admit there's levels there but but but like this this is what blew my fucking mind when i realized this man i was i was you know this wasn't this wasn't like an idea that i'd come across till much later than life it certainly wasn't an idea i'd come across in high school or whatever else it's just that you you define what your relationship is and there's all sorts of people out in the world doing all sorts of relationships i look at and go how the fuck

does that work or i look at that and i go i would never want to be a part of that or i look at that and go holy shit how do i get that relationship and it's just they often are not just the kind of the one you're the norm you're raised in it's often not a dyadic pair with a monogamy with a monogamous a monogamous relationship. It's just often there are other ways to do it. And it blew my mind when I fucking realized that that was an option available to you. So you're right. But okay, if the only kind of girl you like is exactly 5'4", 115 pounds with a B cup and six toes, then you're really limiting the amount of girls that... Alabama girl.

Right? In that situation now, like, oh, you know, 0.1% of the population is on the menu for you. When you're looking for girls that, like, all right, yeah, the only kind of non-monogamy we stray from is hot chicks coming into our bed. How many women are okay with that? You've really narrowed their dating pool.

Sure, absolutely. It's not as narrow as you might think. I mean, it narrows things, but not as narrow as if you're looking for someone with an odd number of toes, for example. I promise. And again, like, yeah, I feel like you know. And I also feel like, I'm sorry to cut you off, Filthy,

that today's tools might help you, right? Like, back in the day, how many women can you meet in a week? Two? Four? And how many women in a week does Taylor swipe no on? Like, how many fucking... Not Taylor in general, but like...

But like, seriously, with that kind of power in terms of the number game yeah it is like if that's what you want I have no problem with it like I agree with you like if you're entering a relationship and you know like man I can't get off

unless you know there's four other girls in the mix like you gotta let them know up front because otherwise you're not gonna it's not gonna work out. Like, I'm behind that. I just also see it as, like, like the Woody, you know, quandary of, like, like, it really does take, like,

no fucking, like, you really ruin your fucking chances. What are you guys giggling about? I don't know. Don't say it, don't say it. No, why not? I thought it was good. Why not?

Ah, it's complicated. I'll tell you after this it. Don't say it. No, why not? I thought it was good. Why not? It's complicated. I'll tell you after this show. It's a thing. That's very funny, though, Chiz. All right. I guess Chiz made a good joke. And then a host has said I should not say anything about it. So I'll be quiet.

I missed it. In any case. Yeah, yeah. In any case. We'll move on. Onward and upward. Look over there. You know, yeah, you're case, we'll move on. Onward and upward. Look over there. You know, yeah, you're absolutely right,

Lefty. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, Filthy. Oh, goodness. You're not in a wheelchair? I don't think so. Yeah, so I think there's this idea that, like,

there are boxes that need to be checked or that relationships are cookie cutter. You either have this type of relationship, A or B or C, and you have to pick one. Just like with political parties. I saw someone on the subreddit. They're like, well, Kyle and Taylor are hardcore Republicans. And we're like, what makes you think we're Republicans at all? Well, you don't like Democrats. So it's either a or b like what why

does this have to be this binary uh thing like like like i'm i'm somewhere weird flu like people it's fine for people to be gender fluid but i can't be politically fluid i'm somewhere in the ether in the center of all this and i agree with parts from both parties while at the same time recognizing the inherent corruption and hypocrisy of the entire political system right you can't define me as a hardcore republican come on that's shit yeah i agree you're definitely not like do we uh i guess we're kind of like getting towards politics now or net neutrality that's kind of pretty that's pretty politic yeah yeah i need somebody reacting to that because i would say that's fucked up it's like i mean like

he was clearly i mean it's tough to say when someone someone makes their living streaming a character when someone does a emotional response you do have to stop back and wonder is this a an emotional response or is this a character's emotional response but it does look like he was certainly close off right i felt like to me the part that he came out of costume was an intentional signal yeah sure i mean it certainly could be and it's it's interesting that i mean do you think that's explaining why he's not professional do you think it's a wise idea like daddy made a few mistakes uh i don't think i think that his fan base will be very forgiving of the fact that he's imperfect and And they'll not turn on him for taking, I'm guessing, a couple weeks off.

What is he doing in a couple weeks? So what is this time off for, out of curiosity? You think it is like couples counseling style stuff? Like this is going to be so large of a time commitment that he will be unable to do his essentially regular routine? Or just don't think he'll be emotionally able to do it? You know, we're just guessing. But, like, based on what he said there and how broken up he was, it's possible that maybe his wife has moved him out or he's moved out. And there are children involved.

So, like, it sounds like – He said a child. In that video, child child children whatever and um it sounds like you know he's gonna either be trying to make this right with her or he's gonna be or maybe it can't be made right and he's dealing with the emotional uh uh you know consequences of that and it doesn't feel like he's gonna be able to stream so i wish him the best i don't really have any interaction with him ever, I don't really think. Maybe once or

twice, but he always seemed like a cool guy to me and I always dug what he did with the character and clearly he's found a huge following these days. So I wish him the best. I do too. I'm not hung up on what he did seven years ago.

You've never been one to hold a grudge. Oh man. Woody holds a fucking grudge. We etched that shit in stone. We talk about stuff off the show and it's funny the ones that you're just like oh no that will never be over that will never be the first time i think i heard about uh straw men and this

that and the other for the first time i was on like and like we're still now on uh on the expert thing this is like three times later i think so that's not not a grudge, though. It's a callback. Uh-huh. That's right. Are you trying to get back into straw man territory? Because I'll put you back there. I've made a huge mistake again, haven't I? That's funny.

I don't know if that's a character flaw or not. You know, I don't think he'd mind being mentioned. Chiz holds a grudge better than me. His memory is stronger. He's younger. He's still got the sharp, vivid details. He does.

He's got the virile grudge-holding abilities of a younger man. We'd have players at WoodyCraft who messed over the server in one way or another. And I'd be like, you like, is this guy so bad? Because he's being friendly now. Chiz would list out all the things they did. Heaven forbid it involved Colin. Why did we ban him for good? Why is he permagon?

Hashtag never forget. Hashtag never forget. Most people that's talking about 9-11, not to Woody. There's a litany of things. Never forget that shitty waitress never i knew that waitress stuff was gonna i was actually mean to someone yesterday and and i hate this because it perpetuates the stereotype that i don't believe in but you have to understand where i was right so um jackie's caring for her. I didn't think her mom was going to die like that hour or anything.

And, uh, filthy honesty. People accept love in different ways, right? You know, you've got words of affirmation, gifts, uh, quality time, physical love. Jackie likes, uh, acts of service. You know, if she comes back and finds that you did the dishes or whatever, like that just warms her up inside. Well, the, the gas fireplace in the kitchen didn't work. So we bought a new one and the pipe I bought was too big.

Anyway, so I was going to run out to Home Depot and I wanted her to walk back in and see that I had done a thing for her. That was what was in my head. And I go to Home Depot and I need help on the fittings. And there's this guy who's like, he's just cracking jokes and being an ass and uh i'm like you know hey like do you have this he's like no we don't have it i'm like oh look well here it is right

here and you were quitting on this task like you you just didn't want to look through the shelves and uh he's not used to someone talking to him like this because most people are nicer but i'm in no mood because she had texted me said where are you my mom is gone and uh oh okay anyway uh so that's that's where my mind is as we're doing this and i'm like do you want me to come right home like this i was out i wanted to do this for you i wanted to i wanted you to be like happily surprised by at least something that was going well because she really likes this like happily surprised by at least something that was going well because she really likes this and uh she's like no you know like buy your part so i'm going through and i'm like that was it that was a good interpretation she's like no i'll take your time you're like no not take your time but

she yeah she's a ballsy interpretation i like it and uh then there was a hose and it was too short and uh you know i'm like you know i could have used this one because it's the right size, but it's not long enough. He's like, well, just the one side is not long enough, right? And I'm like, no, the length. The length isn't long enough. He's like, yeah, but it connects to one side. Fine. It's just the other.

And I was like, I'm done. I'm leaving. You have been the opposite of helpful. You gave up on looking for parts. And I just put the parts i found down and walked away and uh i it was a little rude but then we waited on him in the parking lot he came out with his wife and kids and well i crippled his children yeah it was a little boy's never gonna walk right but fuck i mean i i what did you do to read a room is he in your trunk right now read a room you ass yeah i don't know you get a pass like if there's a family death yeah right now like it's

not like man my my mother-in-law died two months ago and i need this like no it's like it happened as i was pulling into the shop yeah like do have any heavy-duty garbage bags while I'm here? Jesus Christ. 65 gallons. I'm going to need this oven here. This flame device is going to be used for cremation. Cremation.

We're throwing you in there. I'm a host for that. Virgining industry. Okay. Free pass on that one yeah yeah definitely free pass on that one as long as you didn't do anything to the man's kids we're clear on that you didn't hurt his children i just walked away okay yeah that's perfectly fine like why would his children the people not just well but like i feel like i feel like there's somebody that's them combating

boredom like my wife and i just came out of like a home depot or something like that like we walked out of i think it was lowes or home depot walked out of that and bought something and the cashier was joking about she's like yeah you should uh get a bottle of wine and go home and she was like she didn't say go home and fuck but it was like she's like i want my grant my i want my son to have a baby i just bought him a bottle of wine and him and his wife were out shopping you guys should go get a bottle of wine yourselves and i'm like what the fuck like i'm like checking out with like buying like a small screw and like the take home from the cashier is like i should go home and make babies with my wife like get her drunk and impregnate her that

was like my recommendation walking out of the fucking. Maybe you had a look on your face that said, I would love to have a child in a bottle of water. I don't know what good service is to you. So we bought the fireplace. This is like, whatever, five days earlier. And the fireplace salesman was making all kinds of

small talk. I want to go in there, look at them, pick it, and walk out as if I was buying toothpaste. That is my optimal service experience. This fucker showed me his driver's license from 1970 where he had a full head of frizzy hair twice.

Twice. And he shows it to me. He didn't laugh hard enough the first time. The first time he showed it to me, I was like, we're looking at fireplaces. Stay on mission, buddy. stay on mission you know tunnel vision and uh that wasn't the hint he needed i guess because he pulled it out again later look at the hair i used to have son of a bitch i would put the guy with an afro all right sir let's find that piece i could say that like when it's an area of someone else has more expertise than me,

I'm willing to, it's okay if they are taking off track a little bit for expert advice, especially if I'm going in for something I have no fucking idea about, right? But I hear you about just random, like I'm here for a purpose. This is like a waiter, right? A waiter who won't leave you the fuck alone.

You want a waiter who shows up when you need him, leaves when you don't need him, recommends things on the menu perhaps a wine pairing or something and then goes away again shows up when you need to pay you don't want to bear all the amazing time right exactly and you tip the shit out of them when they do that because it like because what you want from an experience the service experience you want the service experience to have added to the night not detracted and that's that's what you want from pretty much any service fucking industry. I agree with you. There was a

lady at a Kidoba I used to go to and I literally stopped going there as often for burrito bowls because I was like, oh man, you know what sounds great? Kidoba. If that fat bitch is working and she wants to talk for 10 minutes as she's ringing me up, as she has

my card in her hand Where it's like you're holding me hostage right now You're holding me hostage like that this isn't cool, and you know who it's actually like I just can't do the card kids all those people in line like I oh oh customer service, but no no dude. I do not do small talk when there are people in line behind I do not make small talk when there are people in line behind me. I'm from the Northeast. In the Northeast, they do not make small talk in line. The Midwest, they don't fucking stop making small talk in line.

I told you. I just had a recommendation to get my wife drunk and fuck her until we had a child out of the line in Lowe's. You can't do that shit in the Northeast. They will run you out of town if you're in a conversation like that. We're friendly folks here, Filthy. That's funny. I hadn't thought about that, but the service in the Northeast is fucking outstanding. They are great.

They get their jobs done. They're on a mission. I got promoted in high school because I walked fast. I shit you not. Another guy complained about it, and the boss said to us, he's like, you know know my name is James he's like James looks like always looks like he has something to do always looks like he's going

somewhere and it's literally because I was walking faster than the other fucking guy at that point and I feel like that is that is like what they're judging on it's like I get your point about slow walking I take slow walking as like a personal affront sometimes. And it's so silly. I know I shouldn't. They're just walking slow. But like when there's someone even like on the street and they're walking like three abreast, super slow. It's like, do you not, do you not even think like when I'm walking with three people, if they're walking two abreast, I will hang back a bit in like a triangle formation so that there's room.

Like if somebody's walking into a group of people, like they're on a sidewalk, I will hang back a bit in like a triangle formation so that there's room. Like if somebody's walking into a group of people, like they're on a sidewalk, three or four breasts walking towards you, and none of them make room for you. Yeah, I just pull. I've done what you've done. I've done that before where I've decided like, okay, this is the third time this has happened to me today, and I'm really fucking tired of it. I'm just gonna

lean in a little bit, put my shoulder down, and I'm gonna walk into it and just fucking move. Just like Coach said, stay low. Stayling your shoulders like make room for him and then you're like fuck this square right why is it always of me who's making room on the fucking side oh my god that that happened to me in my first college all the time. And I would walk into it, like after a while, after a couple weeks, it's like, I'm going to mirror that guy. That's what I'm doing, right?

If that guy squares up, get ready, bitch. We're about to tackle, you know? But if that guy turns, I'm more than happy to turn. But don't sit there and expect me to go to the grass. Exactly. We're not playing that. Yeah. At the very least, give me a half turn. I grass. Exactly. We're not playing that. Yeah. At the very least, give me a half turn.

I give you a half turn. Look at that. That's how society keeps turning. Yes. It's fair. Look at Kyle. He can't even stick around. I've got to pee really bad.

I've had like eight cups of coffee. I look at this and we have this conversation. We're all like nodding our heads yes. And then I think back and I'm like, in college, I got punched in the face some unrealistic, unbelievable number of times because my mouth my mouth was always much faster than any other part of any other circumstance oh there's six of them and they're being in a dick and it's just one of me i'm gonna mouth off you gotta make sure the numbers are on your side my jaw broken in high school from being sucker punched in the face and then I've been punched in the head so many fucking unbelievable times in high school. Were you ever punched without cause?

I got sucker punched in high school. I was at a party. I was pretty drunk. It was a football player from a rival high school. But I followed no football whatsoever. I didn't give a shit about football one way or the other. So, like, I had met him earlier in the night. And at some point later, he kind of of came back tapped me on the shoulder and i turned around

and he sucker punched me in the face and broke my jaw now were you completely innocent yeah that happened to a guy in my high school and i remember like like the ptsd about it like i think they might have broke his jaw and but they definitely he was knocked out cold and it was bad and uh he was talking about it afterwards. He's like, you know, I never thought that happened. People would say like, why did he hit you? Oh, no reason. He'd be like, oh, nonsense.

Like there's a reason. There's always a reason that some guy gets hit. I've been hit a lot of times for a reason, but that was not one of them. Most of the time it's for a reason, but sometimes it's really not. And that's the most unjust of all, obviously. I felt bad for him that he literally hadn't done it. There was a, we would have these parties like at the Sandlot or whatever, and people would drink and have a fire. And that was like a typical high school party back in.

Yeah, yeah. No, I'm from that, well, a little bit northeast of that, but yeah. And then what would happen is a group of, it's so racist. I don't know how else to say it, but like it was pretty much all white people. And then like 12 really tough black guys would come and start beating people up. And, you know, that was the score. They'd come and like things would scuffle and we'd scatter. And I don't know what their motivation was,

but they hit my friend one time. I remember when I was leaving and I drove a motorcycle, and they're like, who's that guy? Should we get that guy? And I rooster-tailed out of there, and I felt... Safer, yeah. Yeah, I was really happy that it worked out like it did. I think I got sand all over them,

and they didn't catch me, and off I went. Filthy, you said you'd been punched in the face multiple times what is the time that looking back on it you were like, I had that coming if there is one I don't know if I have details for that, it's just a general

belligerence I've been told from my closer friends and my closer acquaintances over life that I've mellowed as I've gotten older. And I have at various times in my life been more intense than someone being a dick at some point when I'm by myself and me pointing it out and not letting it go and just like I remember this one particular one like I just got punched

by some drunk kid he just like you know out of nowhere just kind of punched it wasn't out of nowhere I was shit talking their group but he like punched me and I wasn't expecting that and I was like you know what if I press charges and they're like we'll all just vouch for him because there's like six of them right fucking there and I'm like, oh. All right.

I guess I am fucked. I guess I'm going home with my jaw punched. So be it. I'll wake up tomorrow and it will really hurt. I don't know if there's any one thing that stands out particularly from that, unfortunately. It'd be good if there's like a great story for that, but no. I haven't been punched in forever.

It hurts so fucking much. It really does. I said that once. I said that once on the show and people on the subreddit was cows like such a pussy He thinks getting punched in the face hurt Who are you? George Foreman on our fucking subreddit ah come on if you do punches to the face no big deals like no I'm a huge fan of the show, but I'm really disappointed in how much of a pussy Kyle is. I'm actually not with Kyle on this one.

I don't think getting punched hurts that much. I might have been punched a lot more. I don't know. But what I have discovered about me is I don't think I have a particularly good chin. You know, I think whether a good chin is one where you uh where you can get punched and it doesn't like rattle your brain and i think i have kind of a long thin neck and uh and i'm just not a guy who can take a lot of punches i i've been punched uh like from someone's guard on the bottom like so i'm on top and they punch me from the bottom and rattled like you know like like

briefly cobwebbed And it's like, well, I don't think that happens to people with good chins, you know, like, yeah, I, I definitely get that.

And it depends if there's gloves involved. So, you know, I, with, with 16 ounce gloves, like it doesn't hurt from the impact. It sort of rattles my brain and gives me a terrible headache.

I've noticed, but like with a bare fist is what I'm talking about. Like that hurts. In my experience, that's always really hurt i mean thankfully it's been a few years now since i've been punched in the head so it's like tough to like impair it yeah pain fades the worst uh uh head attack i've ever received however was from a ceiling fan that time i stood up in my own bed and stuck my head into the ceiling fan it clipped me against my skull right on the top of the ear and i it dropped me like a taser i i was laying there doing that thing where you just like like just so fucking painful that's that may

be one of the worst top three pains of my life like it's comparable to when i broke my foot it's it's comparable to to like the worst toothache ever it was extremely intense that was the worst i've done so bad it hasn't you know what not pain but this is the ceiling fan hit me but i don't think i was maybe i wasn't hit quite as hard but you know what knocked me the fuck out? I'm standing like on the foul line and lots of people are shooting around and such. And then, I don't know, like I turned towards the basket maybe looking for a rebound. And just as I turned, before I could do a thing, I got hit in the forehead by a basketball.

Unconscious. Just like, boom, dropped to the ground there was this like little um moment of time that everyone had except me and like that was very confusing and uh and i was just like i got knocked out by a basketball in like call it fifth grade this is this is but we're talking about like um how we would feel like as we're getting older about like, you know, what's the best part of our life and what isn't. It're so, I mean, I think about this all the time with my life, what I've done for a living, my partner, my, you know, the things I've chosen are so much a product of both my culture and then who I am in the moment that to say like 20 years later and have any real perspective of what that's going to be it's just so i don't believe it i don't i mean i look back and i can do the opposite i can look back and say when i was 17 i didn't know my fucking asshole from my ear hole right and like here i am now and in 20 years am i going to say

the same thing about my 33 year old self it seems pretty damn likely we're such we're such creatures of the subjective moment that it doesn't surprise me whatsoever you know it's like you just you describe that and I'm like yeah of course and and like the sooner I can get it in my head that I don't know shit now the better off I'm going to be probably long term I feel like I definitely agree with that I I it's it's a weird thing to compare what you're saying too but i i had that experience with civ so many times where i'll be like people ask me like well how how well do you know the game and i'll be like well i've been through this this pattern so many times that i can tell you i don't know anything about the game even though i've got 1500 hours into it because

in 200 more hours i'll think that the 1500 hour version of me knew nothing because like every I've redone videos for stuff it's funny you say that like I've redone guide videos for that and with the updated perspective and I try to say that now in the videos where I'm giving advice on these things is like this is how many hours I've been playing this at this point because yeah because you're so sure of something in that moment with the knowledge you have now and the perceptions you have now but your updated knowledge of that x time later with x more things added to that is so so totally different sometimes and it's really yeah it's a very interesting thing to be aware of but yeah a civ question so when we first met

filthy civ 5 was like the civ and since then a new one has come out. Which one's the Civ? Civ V. Civ V. Yeah. There is an expansion coming out for Civ VI. It's supposed to hit stores in February, I believe. I am optimistic but not hopeful for it. Sometimes Civ gets expansions right. Civ V was like that. Civ V released.

I didn't play Civ V when it was released, but my understanding from a number of friends who have is it was a much worse game. And to be fair, comparing a game with three expansions and X balance patches later compared to a game with no expansions right when it released

is not a very fair comparison anyways. But there's some work to be done if that's going to be the case. I hope it is, but there's a lot of work to be done. Let me tell everyone about Omaha Steaks here because the holidays are fast approaching. You can order gifts for everyone on your list with just the click of a mouse. Let me tell you about Omaha Steaks and how for only $49.99, you can get our family gift pack. When you go to omahasteaks.com and enter our code

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like i feel like i don't want to throw stones at some other boxes but sometimes they're like hey check out this foam figurine i'm like really like that's craziness. That doesn't appeal to me in the slightest. But this stuff, buy it for life things in there, which is cool. Yeah, I know you're really happy with that bag you got. I like mine as well. There was a bunch of cool products in there.

I'm a big fan of everything I've gotten from Bespoke. If you're watching, Kyle can't see this, but it's the bag in the ad on the side is the one that we're talking about. Yeah, cool stuff. So we were talking about celebrities and messing their lives up and stuff.

Have you been following Conor McGregor? Conor McGregor? No. What has he done now? It's not even a now thing. I've been thinking about his accumulation. So he made $100 million in his last fight. That's the big round number, but that's what they say. He is a 30 for 30 on running out of money. Not only is he spending it left and right, he appears to have a coke habit. And I say that

based on the pictures I see of him doing coke. He's cheating on his, he has a long-term girlfriend with a baby all the time. Not all the time. He has a long-term girlfriend with a baby and he seems to be cheating all the time. I don't know why else. You're topless doing coke with girls in bikinis on the couch together at a party without his girlfriend. Was it daytime in the picture? Because that's a very old image.

Oh. There's lots of images. Yeah. This is like a thing that seems to happen constantly. And you can't trust online rumors. I get that, right? But everyone in Dublin knows he's fucking around. Whatever.

He goes to the clubs. He's dancing with other women. And this is a thing that he seems to do very publicly. And I mentioned before the money spending. Who is this? Conor McGregor. Oh, this is a fighter? Yes.

Okay. spending who is this conor mcgregor oh this is a fighter yes okay um i am just so convinced if you fast forward to 2025 there's going to be the coolest 30 for 30 on conor mcgregor and how he's like punch drunk and broke or into drugs or in jail or like something is going wrong with he is not wired to be rich and famous. Most people aren't. I'll acknowledge that. But he is not handling it well. He's not handling it well. And you'd think $100 million, you can't run out of that.

No. First of all, cut it down to $60 million for like the percentage that he pays out coaches and all that staff or whatever. You know, a lot of that cuts off. Maybe $75 million. And then cut that in half because he's paying taxes, right? So now he's like $37 million. You can spend $37 million if you treat the world like it's free.

And I know we had a guest on who said that those cars weren't all his. But he is blowing money. He's planes and hotels and like not hotels, mansions that he rents. He lives so large. He's the kind of you can spend 37 million i'm not worried about him to be honest i i think he's i think he's gonna be okay i i think that he's biding his time to to get another big payday and there's a couple of options out there oscar you got oscar de la joya calling him out you got manny pacquiao calling him out either one of those would be a payday similar to the

last boxing match. You got Mayweather out there talking about maybe coming into the UFC if he could get a billion dollars for a three or four fight deal. That would be fucking entertaining. You want to talk about getting seven or eight million buys to watch that guy finally

get his ass beat. Because that's what's going to happen if he jumps in the octagon. You're about to get fucked up. He's also got his promotion thing going on lately, the fighting promotion thing. So whatever he does next, he'll get an exorbitant chunk of. And if he can make his star rise just a little bit higher, not necessarily make it rise higher, but keep it where it is, he'll keep getting those endorsement deals, the whatever, Beats by Dre or Nike or I guess it's Reebok or whatever.

I don't know what he gets from those people, but I bet it's big. I think he had a Budweiser commercial maybe too. I think his endorsement deals pay pretty well. And Chiz just wrote in there know he's got that clothing line i went on there the other day because i was like let's let's see how much this shit it's expensive it's some expensive shit i i couldn't even begin to estimate how well his overpriced clothing is doing or his whiskey or whatever i've never seen either but maybe i don't travel in those circles. But I'll tell you this.

I think he loses the next fight, and he gets his ass kicked. Last time, it didn't ruin the shine too much, but I think this time it does. I think first Mayweather beats him. Now he starts looking like a guy who's two and three in his last five fights or whatever it would be. And he's rocky three right clubber lang comes there beats the heck out of him i i didn't see the mayweather fight but i i did read about it a little bit it kind of felt like oh no i kind of felt like that was a brilliant

kind of marketing thing for him almost like i thought he came out of that with a lot of money he came out of that fighting a fight that probably will you know a guy came maybe with a come out of retirement for that and like gone back into retirement post that like like that's that just feels like a brilliant kind of publicity style move to me you think he's gonna do something stupid for his next one i think he's gonna get his ass kicked in the next one i think his next fight will be does he have a next one lined up no it'll probably be tony ferguson uh he's the champ at 155 and there's an interim champ because Conor hasn't fought in so long.

So his next fight back will be against an absolute killer to unify the belt. That's the thought. And Ferguson is going to maul him. Are you looking at him as a fighter or a businessman when you say that? Are you looking at him as making the most profit

out of his brand or are you looking at him as winning the most fights i'm looking at him as guy under contract in the ufc so he's not going to fight mayweather or dayla hoyer next because the guy who owns him dana white who has him under contract says you know what like no you have to start fighting in the ufc because that's what's best for this business and you're under contract so i can just stop you like you can't do anything else we let you do the one because that's what's best for this business and you're under contract so I can just stop you like you can't do anything else. We let you do the one because we love you. You're not allowed to fight. They couldn't stop him because of the Ali

act because it's a different sport. I need to check on that. I'm not sure about that. That's not the story Dana tells but don't believe his lies. I'm pretty sure I remember them going on and on about that's not the story Dana tells, but don't believe his lies, right?

It's a meme. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. I remember them going on and on about the Ali Act and how they, because it's a different sport, they couldn't stop him from doing it. So they had to either get on board or fuck off for Dana White and WME. That's interesting. Yeah, I need to do research on that. It might have just not been

tested because he got on board. Maybe it's a bit bottom up, but sometimes I look at this and I look at the people who are doing the best in their respective fields. And I mean, we're just talking about Dr. Disrespect and now we're talking about, you know, like it sometimes seems like it's hard to, you can find fault maybe post-fact when you see the outcomes of it but a lot of the times it feels like we aren't that or i am not that anyway so i'll speak for myself like so sometimes i look at something i'm like holy shit that seems like a stupid move to me but fuck if you look at the branding they're getting out of it even with the the rest of it i i honestly say i cannot often predict where some of the field leaders are going with the things they're doing. And that explains why they are leading the field and I'm fucking not on some level.

I do feel like I have my pulse on the hardcore UFC fans. I don't know how much that matters. But they're turning on Conor. They're all absolutely fed up of him not fighting in the UFC, talking shit, acting like he's someone. The other champs are like, dude, you're a retired fighter. You're the other champs are like, dude, you're a retired fighter. You know, you're the 2015 champ. Like, I don't know who the Patriots or whoever was champ in 2015. Yeah, you know, retired fighters love to look in the past.

Jump in the octagon with me if you want to talk shit. And he has no recourse because he doesn't jump in the octagon. And everyone who's into the UFC doesn't like him. Now, a lot of it. But surely at some point, some point in his life, he goes, I don't want to go back into the UFC doesn't like him. Now, a lot of advice comes from him. But surely at some point in his life, he goes, I don't want to go back into the octagon. I have accomplished what I wanted there. And again, I'm devil's advocating a little bit here.

So I don't know. I don't follow this as something important to me. I'm not trying to come down on one side of that. But at some level, why does he go in there if it doesn't benefit him? And if he is able to keep playing the system in a way that he doesn't have to go back in there and it's still benefiting him which it seems like to me from an outside perspective he's doing isn't he doing well i'm not sure yeah i mean like so gsp did that for a long time he had these deals with gatorade and i forget who else science or something and uh all he had to do was like tease fighting and that lasted for like four or five years then he went

back in fault and who knows how long he's reset the counter for so yeah brilliant in in a way connor he's probably got a lot of money coming i don't know and he always said get in get rich and get out i'm cool with that what everyone hates him for is not fighting and acting like a fighter that's that's why they're fed up with him this guy is the one who shit talks everywhere right like this is the guy i'm thinking of. Yeah, and they love him for that. Irish guy. But it was, you know, he also fought two or three times a year. And now he hasn't fought since 2016.

Well, once he's done bare knuckle destroying the Dublin mob, I'm sure he'll return. I'm sure he'll return to the sport. I'm looking forward to whatever he does next. I'd watch him fight Pacquiao or De La Hoya. I'd love to see him fight Ferguson. I want the best for that guy. I want him to come back and defend both of those belts. I want him to come back and fucking win at 55.

You know what? Let's drop down to 45. And by the way, Dana, if you ever make a 165, I'll win that too. That's what I want. I want him to come back, talk shit, back it up like he used to. You know, I want more of the Conor McGregor show. I enjoy the hell out of it. I'm with you. I love old Conor. I don't like current Conor. So he'd have to change into old Conor to get me back. Well, the only difference is he's not fighting, right? You know, he's still talking the same amount of shit but now it's a totally

different vibe to it you know like i could talk shit you know that idiot who like goes and challenges people to fight he's a boxer he's not a yeah yeah yeah um that's who connor is now jewish guy wow i wouldn't go that far but i see where you're headed yeah i get what you mean he's got to back up his words and that's's the most interesting thing about Conor is he talks so much shit, and then he backs it up. So, yeah, he needs to back up his talk. I see him on Instagram making fun of Tony's eyes or whatever, the glasses and remark and stuff like that.

I get it. I hope he comes back. I want to see him defend belts. I thought I heard that, like, I think maybe Chiz is trying to say right now, he would have fought in December, or in this month that we're currently in. He was going to fight at that end-of-year card with Cyborg,

not with Cyborg, but on that card. I'd love to see that fight! Fucking McGregor-Cyborg! Oh! I'll pay for that one. I'll pay $100 for that one. Yeah, there was a rumor he was going to be... USC does a really good card at the end of the year,

and there was a rumor he was going to be on it. But he went into a Bellator cage and, like, pushed a ref or something and got himself not necessarily suspended but in hot water and needed to, like, keep a low profile. Yeah. But that's a rumor. You know, it takes a lot nowadays to get Conor McGregor to sign a contract because he wants $100 million every time. And the UFC is like, is like no no that was a one-time thing come back to the 10

million i i don't know yeah i wanted to get paid too now i i it should be a fair thing because he is a draw unlike anything else you know like like bigger than rousey or big he's the biggest draw they've ever had utah i wish all the payments were delayed so here's my thought I do want fighters to get paid, I want everyone to be rich I want all our fans to be rich, I want Conor to be rich everyone can be rich, knock yourself out filthy, have some rich the issue is

as soon as these fighters get rich they become assholes not just assholes, that I can live with they can be assholes, they stop fighting you put a million dollars in Nate's pocket, and he retires for three years. Oh, my God. Don't put a million in his pocket. It fucking ruins the sport.

You put money in Conor's pocket, all of a sudden, he only wants to fight Mayweather. He doesn't want to fight anyone at all. He only wants to talk shit on Twitter. It's about how good he was in 2015. I'm done. I'm done. I don't give a fuck about connor anymore i guess i do i'm talking about him but but you put money in these fighters pockets as

soon as they get so rich no one gets up out of satin sheets and runs at 5 a.m and and that's that's a cliche in fighting and it seems so true i've been watching a lot of tyson stuff lately i i find it so fascinating you I watch him work the heavy bag it's just terrifying he hits it so fast and hard and I like he's got this speech where he's talking about when he's walking to the ring he's like

I'm terrified of my enemy I'm terrified of him I've dreamt about him beating me so many times but every step closer I get more and more confident by the time i stepped in i'm not afraid i know it's i look in his eyes and i see he's not a man he's afraid of me it's just like like and like this like voiceovers playing like to a montage of him knocking people the fuck out and giving them traumatic brain damage it's it's a wonderful

tyson's such a fascinating character such a fascinating athlete it's so strange strange guy with so many strange things about him he's got such a cool background like like his shit talking was scary you know he'd say some some dumb stuff but nobody's gonna call him talk about fucking them he's like he's like i'm gonna fuck you till you love me faggot like the other guy's like excuse me processing that like wait like is that how that works like like will i eventually turn around and start appreciating this yeah scary yeah right yeah taylor tell me about the the feet found in canadian waters uh well it's the 13th foot found in canadian waters and it was like i was reading

the article earlier before the show i skimmed it and like it talked about how at first it was a real disturbing thing but then like the last guy who found one he was just out with his dog and he's like oh man another foot here eh i can't believe it that's 13 now yeah something something's going on in the ocean you better believe that yeah some hoes are out there cutting girls feet off like whatever like that and so you reach to the end of it isn't it some like horrible thing some like totally tedious thing like a flooding of a graveyard or something like that no i knew it would be something like that? No, I knew it would be something like that so I chose not to read it.

I choose to believe it's a serial killer or someone's I like to think someone's tired of getting their ass kicked by the mystery Alaska hockey team. You're just chopping off feet like ah! You're out your first line center. At first I was thinking like is this the Armenian

mob chopping people's feet off like they did in the shield but but i i did a little research and apparently the prevailing currents there from uh from down south i guess there's some some areas with some bridges where people jump off and commit suicide and i guess the foot because it's encased in a in a shoe, is preserved longer than the rest. So maybe as sea creatures gnaw and nibble at the body, the foot left in the floating shoe is left to

be found. That makes sense. It makes a lot more sense than my foot serial killer theory. Which is actually directly contradicted by the article itself. No problem. I want to talk about the net neutrality thing.

We've been starting on that three or four times. I want someone to explain that in as much detail as they know. Do you just not read Reddit or anything like this in your life? I saw when Reddit became unusable for a few days where it was like oh let's see what's going on with the hockey forum oh net neutrality i guess nothing

today no highlights to look at now like uh so i kind of wanted woody like i it seems like you know quite a bit about it as well but i i assume woody knows a lot about it, but I like laid the whole thing. So here's the deal. I know it started in 2015 and they just got rid of it. And now I'm so scared. I'm so scared that you as a host of PKA don't know about it because I have literally sat here and watched this go. And I don't understand how anyone I don't understand how it passed. I don't understand where the support is coming from. I don't understand that side of the argument.

So I'm very curious. People don't know what net neutrality is potentially. The internet is like a bunch of spider webs with certain connection points, right? So where AT&T connects to Verizon or connects to Comcast or whatever, Cogent and ones you may not have heard of. There's a spot there.

And that is where these internets become sort of interconnected and then traveling across this is all sorts of different traffic it was always that it didn't matter what the traffic was whether it was video or email it was treated the same right isps didn't peer into what what these data packets were all about they just passed it on, right? I get it. I send it to you as fast as I can.

In 2015, Obama and the FCC made it so that it was called class two traffic. I don't fully understand what that means, but it's kind of treating it like a phone call so that I can't say Taylor's calls less or more important than Woody's call. We just pass this through. Everything works together. And basically they made net neutrality the law of the land.

But not a law law. It's just like an executive order kind of law, the FCC. So the Republicans came into power. And there's this guy, like, I can't do names, Agent Patil. Oh, Ajit Pai. I saw the funny picture of him with that big Reese's peanut butter cup mug, and I did think that was pretty funny. So Ajit Pai is like the villain of the internet right now.

He is. He's an ex-Concast executive. No, an ex-Verizon executive. He's probably not very biased about all this, right? Well, now he's in charge of the FCC, and there's actually five people that sort of vote equally, but because the Republicans are in charge, they're three to two. And that's how the vote went to all the Republicans voted to get rid of net neutrality and the Democrats voted to keep it.

The argument. Tell her the effects that will have on his life. So I'm going to try to present an unbiased side. The argument for keeping net neutrality is that, hey, some data should be more real time than others, right? No one really cares if their email takes an extra half second. However, if the audio on this video clips even a tiny bit, everyone notices instantly. Like audio is one of the things that humans are most sensitive to jumps in. That makes sense. Even video may be second most important, right?

Because if there's a little like hitch, then your eye just kind of connects the dots. Gaming traffic maybe requires to be treated kind of real time because it matters. It's urgent. The other side of it is like, hey, what these companies want to do is not make your audio and video better.

What they want to do is charge extra to go to certain places. You know, if you're really into Reddit or whatever, oh yeah, we'll make your Reddit traffic better for $5 more. Or maybe there's just different tiers. Right now they have tiers on like how much bandwidth you get. The tier could be your video sucks or doesn't suck. We charge you more. Don't forget the opposite though, which is that suddenly, you know,

the program you're on no longer supports netflix no longer supports reddit and no longer supports twitch i was so uh yeah and by the way there's a picture that comes out that there's a real conflict of interest like like time warner for example has cable so time warner might be specifically interested in making your Netflix experience suck, right? So that's your ISP. They want to make sure that your Netflix and your Hulu and stuff is awful. Or you can pay double. And basically they're getting money whether you go to their cable or whether you go to Netflix. In any case, you have to pay Time Warner for, you know, they'll sabotage industries that they compete with.

And that's one of the things that people are most concerned about so net neutrality allows for internet fast lanes and it allows for internet slow lanes where they get to ruin things that aren't um you know in their conducive to their business yeah well and the internet becomes like all this stuff i've heard about it makes me feel like we want this like it seems like a good thing like you right like but we want that's what i'm saying like it seems like a good thing like what's the argument of people saying no we don't we don't need this like like what is that okay okay so if i were to say we don't need this wait oh we don't need net neutrality i'm sorry yeah because there's a way to look at net neutrality is regulation right you could argue hey the less the government does

to enforce a level playing field the more the magic of capitalism happens right the magic capital has that showed to help anyone recently i mean we look at like the economic breakdown let me respond this back as the really you? You think so? I'm still capitalist, yeah. Oh, we're losing the middle class. We've pulled billions of people out of poverty since the advent of capitalism. I don't think that's directly tied to this net neutrality. It seems like not anybody actually, like, it sounds, wait, are you debating that billions of people have not been pulled out of poverty? He is, and I think there's an argument to be made that a very unregulated capitalism, which is where we trend towards, starts to become two tiers of the haves and have-nots. The middle class really is dropping out.

We're increasingly having the haves and have-nots. The middle class is decreasing. Wealth is more and more concentrated in a smaller percentage of people. And the wealthy get wealthier while the rest don't. CEO pay, like that disparity. They compare it like the 70s versus now. Like there is a crazy thing happening. But I still think net neutrality is the best of all our imperfect options.

But I'm sorry. I meant to say capitalism is the best of all our imperfect options. The argument for getting rid of it is, like I said, one, hey, this is government regulation. All government regulation is bad. Verizon would never do anything that makes their customers unhappy, right? Otherwise, they'd lose their customers. Except unless they're the only option in town. Unless they're a local monopoly.

Yeah, exactly. But that's an argument that people make. And the other is this also gives Verizon the ability to prioritize audio, to prioritize video, things like that that make. And the other is this also gives Verizon the ability to prioritize audio, to prioritize video, things like that that matter. So it comes down to whether you trust Verizon

to line their own pocket. Yeah. Filthy's laughing, but that's where I'm trying to be biased. Whether you trust Verizon to say, hey,

I want, we're Verizon. We're going to have the happiest customers in the entire industry we're gonna prioritize their audio and video they're gonna be so happy porn hub will be hd all the time and then email can be slower right same amount of bandwidth but better traffic management or you say who trusts verizon they're totally just gonna charge me more for this and that

and they're gonna find slow lanes and and companies like netflix that maybe can pay for this bandwidth they're gonna have a huge advantage over like taylor flicks which is a you know burgeoning upstart without the same cash reserves yeah okay you uh you saw like comcast withdrawing they had this pledge up about what they would and wouldn't do regardless of the laws and then like when neutrality looked like it was starting to get repealed they just withdrew like three elements of their pledge which was basically like they're like yeah if this changes and the laws change we're gonna fuck you

until you're fucking raw is what they essentially said with that you don't trust Comcast and Verizon so basically like if I can sum my understanding of what you said Woody in a much more simple way like the people who are who wanted to get rid of net neutrality were kind of like, oh, any and all regulation, that's going to make it worse.

You know, like, but to Filthy's point, like, I think, like, Woody's middle ground approach is correct in this, that, like, capitalism's still absolutely the best option overall. Well, it's not capitalism. It's not that regulation is always evil. Some things do need to be regulated. That's why we do have a government. You can't just

be everybody fucking whatever all the time. You do need some. I guess I would kind of be shocked right now. Your power company has a local monopoly over you, right? If they started changing your power rate from 9 cents a kilowatt to $0.30 a kilowatt,

all you could do is try and use less. I mean, that's why the utility companies are regulated. You need electricity. It's practically a survival mechanism. And I think the internet has gotten there. I definitely agree that the internet is a utility at this point. Well, that's what this law

has just gone and that's what reversing that neutrality does it declassifies it as a utility which is required to be treated essentially equally everywhere and now says companies are allowed to regulate that and the companies that are going to be regulating it are your isps and what they are going to be regulating is going to be for their best interest and it's also going to be based on whatever moral filter they want to apply to that. If they don't like certain sites, those sites get slower rates. You get slower connections to those sites or denied those in some way. You've just lost the ability to have an internet that is accessible to you equally everywhere and are now at the mercy of whatever your provider does. And we don't have a choice of providers right now. I am locked into one provider and have been probably, you know, between one and two for my entire life and we don't have a choice of providers right now i am locked into one provider

and have been probably you know between one and two for my entire life and probably won't have that chance i won't have more options than that pretty much anywhere for that and it's by the way it's most compelling to me to have regulation is for the utilities and stuff like that where you really are kind of fucked like the power example really resonates. That makes a lot of sense. If suddenly my power company is like, yeah, 50 cents now, not nine, then uh-oh, I guess I'm going to be burning a lot of candles.

And that's even more expensive. That's your option. You make your own candles, Taylor. You're the man. That's true. All that soy wax off Amazon I'm ordering, that's going to add up too. I'm a Twitch streamer, right? I mean, I am a Twitch streamer and a YouTuber for a profession.

I mean, you guys are to some degree YouTube related, but this is maybe slightly less so. I don't quite know exactly what your work's down to. But let's say my ISP decides uh yeah yeah twitch is not a service that we particularly support um yeah we're gonna cut that rate by a quarter or three quarters or whatever you need to pay an extra how would that help them make money because then they sell you because they sell you a package that you now connect to the same speed i'm connecting now but it's twice the rate or three times or four times the rate and then you think that would make them more money then people would pay for upgrades they pay for the fast. And you think that would make them more money than...

People would pay for upgrades. They'd pay for the fast lanes. Yeah, you don't have a choice. Because, well, I don't have a choice anyways. Other people would have a choice. And that's a real thing. A company like Time Warner that has media properties, you know, they'd serve ESPN and whatever,

might be like, oh, yeah, we should make Hulu, Netflix, and Twitch, and YouTube, and YouTube, alternatives to us, perform poorly so that people get back to watching our TV. Yeah, I mean, that definitely does make sense. So what's the path from here? They voted today. No, no, I mean to get it back, or is there a movement for that?

Because I know it was never a law, it was an executive order. Exactly. So there are some people in Congress talking about making a law so that the FCC and the president can't just do whatever they want. And even some Republicans. But what's really going to happen is it's in the courts now. And there's some chance that... So when Obama put this into place, the ISPs went to court over it and they lost.

The court decided that this was a utility and they have to treat it like such. So now Trump did the other thing. They're going to go and there's some precedent. I'm certainly not a legal scholar, but there's some precedent already that this thing's been declared in the courts as a utility. So people think that the net neutrality people have a real shot of winning in court. Okay. Let me jump in and let's say this quite frankly. I am not an expert in this field.

That doesn't sound right. I know. There's many fields where I am. Please, please. If there's one thing I know about Filthy, it's he's an expert in the... This is my Achilles heel. This is the only one spot that it was the truth. But this one. It's just net neutrality.

That little corner. That's right. I hate least opinions, but I can't be an expert in everything. Everything else. I don't know the answer to this. Like, what... For a lot of it, because I've obviously seen the infographics. Like, you're going to have to buy fucking Reddit separate, or you're going to have to buy YouTube or whatever. Why wasn't

it ever like that before net neutrality was introduced? It's a good question. It started to go down that way, right? Because there were accusations, I think, from Netflix towards some of the ISPs. The ISPs were throttling data from Netflix. I mean, to be fair, Netflix, what's the percentage now that Netflix is a big mess?

Oh, it's enormous. It's huge, right? The argument from the ISP perspective is we paid for the infrastructure. Netflix what's the percentage now that now it's enormous it's huge right the argument from the ISP perspective is we paid for the infrastructure this is you know you are using our infrastructure we have all the costs associated with this you should be paying more for this and the kind of dude right and they went down this route and net neutrality shut them down that they weren't allowed to do that anymore and it isn't so much that particular example that's the problem.

It's the potential of what they're going to do with that. If they are allowed to dictate where you can go and how quickly you can connect to those things, they control your access to the Internet. And if they control your access to the Internet, you are now having a corporate, at the best case scenario, a corporate mentality. In the worst case scenario, corporate mentality and the worst case scenario whatever the fucking leadership of those companies are for terms of how they regulate what access you have if you look at it i'm sorry i thought there was a break if you look at it just right it becomes

almost a free speech thing like all right exactly taylor you can look anywhere you want but this telescope only points towards verizon's point of view yeah so let's say someone says you know we think uh online dating isn't isn't good for the the health of the american whatever you really hit him in the heart filthy jesus you went straight down right you could be you could be at a point where tinder is now either uh shut down or you can't connect to it or it's uh you've decreased the ability to do that. Or they're like, we'll send you the young male dating fucking package where Pornhub, fucking Tinder, and whatever else are now. All right, now you're making this net neutrality thing sound pretty nice now.

You're telling me I can get a package with all of the things I love and just pay a small modicum fee more? Ah, come on now. What's wrong? This Aja Pachacha guy seems to have a good idea here. He's got good taste in mugs. Oh, that guy's face is just – he belongs on that punchable face subreddit. Oh, he's been there. He spends a lot of time on there.

Yeah, yeah. Those big fake fucking chompers he's got. You think they're fake? Oh, he's been there. He spends a lot of time on there. Those big fake fucking chompers he's got. You think they're fake? Oh, how could those be real? Those are veneers. Oh, that makes sense. Yeah, I mean, because they look like... Does that mean those are veneers? I'm going to get me some of those.

You're not familiar with veneers? They put perfect teeth in front of your real teeth. And while they're perfect, and they're the perfect color and shape, they're a little bit forward and big sometimes some people go overboard with it that's that's the real issue so they grind off like the entire front part front face of your tooth and then they put a nice cap thing over it and some veneers look great it but but the problem is that that when someone's paying $30,000 for new teeth, they're like, oh, make them pearly white.

No, no, no, no. Even whiter. Like, you don't want incredibly, like, the most white teeth. White isn't a natural color for your teeth at some point, right? Like, it should be some shade darker than white. Yeah. But these guys are paying $30,000, so they're like, oh, no, no, no, no. Whiter.

Yeah. Quieter. Yeah. Quieter. I mean, the whole thing makes a lot more sense to me now, Woody. I think you did a good job explaining it. You both did. You and Filthy both did a good job explaining it. Like, usually, you know me, I'm about getting rid of regulation. I'm about getting rid of regulation, but this does seem like an instance where it's like,

like it, first of all, it's way too higher of high of a barrier to entry for like a little ISP to pop up, you know, where it's like, Hey, look,

you know, uh, Kyle internet started up, but that's great. I'll just use that like in the same way that water and electricity or whatever it's like you you do need that kind of controlled otherwise like you're going to be banking on a corporation that is is contingent on their their shareholders and so if the shareholders are like hey you're leaving money on the table we're not happy about that well i guess we got to fuck people over to

make you know some more money because we do have the capacity to do that because we kind of are in a and maybe we have a monopoly. I don't know of a more evil company than Comcast, which is my ISP provider. I can think of... I don't know who they are. They're a great local St. Louis

company. My point is that if I had to pick someone in my life to regulate what i could and couldn't do with my free time where i couldn't couldn't go on the internet if i had to pick one person if i i would i complex would be at the very bottom there would be no one i wouldn't put ahead of that ever like i would put the fucking catholic church ahead of my of head of comcast in terms of where they could regulate I go and don't go with my internet time.

Like are you fucking kidding me? It's unbelievable. And it's horrifying. You know, there was so much. I don't know if you noticed any of this. You said you saw the Reddit stuff. There was so much online mobilization about this. There were so many people, so many sites so many uh people who were involved with the internet

going out because i couldn't believe how it came down this way the only thing that made me laugh with like because you know it was all those like red thumbnails for days where it was like fucking urgent dude to do this that and the other thing and send a uh text and so so many people like upvoted those that like on some of the like more more fucked up comedy subreddits I would go to, they would post a post that the thumbnail looked exactly like that. But when you clicked on it, and so thousands of people are just like, yeah, upvote, upvote. Yeah, I can see that's another red one. And it would say, urgent, the Jews control it all all and you're falling for it like open it up and it's like like

13 000 up oh she's like oh that's that's hilarious yeah but like only hilarious on like such a meta level right like if you really if you if you step one level above that you're like that's hilarious until you realize what just happened is the urgency of an actual thing that is extremely important a thing that's going to probably affect your life to some degree, will absolutely affect my life to some degree, is now being essentially put in the same category of fake news in terms of the camouflage that goes with that, right? The bullshit that is meted out with a similar looking thing

on the same forums and the same sites that are doing this comes out at roughly the same level of either acceptance or visibility and therefore dilutes the actual utility of that. It's like, holy shit, what a great, if you are in power, if you're in a position where you can be like, oh yeah, we're going to pass this shit,

we're going to fuck our consumers eight ways to Sunday, right? And we can also discredit and dilute and show up stuff that's going to come out equally visible but has no meaning on that? Well, shit, what a great play. I'm just saying it

was hilarious because there were a bunch of, urgent, do this, urgent, do that, urgent, do that. The lizard men are here! And it's like... I was a little upset that it messed up my pornography. I'm trying to see what the top on lips that grip

is, and for some reason I keep reading the same fucking article. Like, alright, I sent the email, I did the automated call to my congressman or whatever. Lips that grip! Let's get back to it! I'm a mod. Where is our suction dildos?

I'm a mod on PKA. I don't think I touched that one, but I'm also a mod on the paramotor subreddit. And they tried that, you know, like, hey, I don't know much about paramotors, but I really care about net neutrality. And I censored that. Get your fucking shit out of here. This is paramotor talk. If I was in charge of lips that grip. paramotor talk. If I was in charge of lips that grip... Yeah. They tried to make net neutrality somehow related to paramotors

in this really twisted way. And I'm like, no. Then the guy wrote back and complained. And I was like, why was my post removed? Because it's the paramotor subreddit. Yeah. Are you worried about being able to stay in shape on our fitness subreddit?

Well, then you need to lift your way to the isp providers off or whatever i i i dreamed i wrote the fcc and i felt like i so when they ruined reddit i was like am i supposed to do more i feel like i've you know i'm already one percenter on this thing yeah it's enough yeah they did like an acceptance thing on that they need to be like once you've gone through these steps it goes back to normal would have been fucking great but on some level it does matter like on that because they could go all right they could start doing it by demographic all right uh this consumer he is uh 26 26 uh male uh single uh involved uh the websites he uses because the ISK you can see that.

Uses Tinder a lot. Uses some fitness websites. Uses maybe a calorie counter. We're just going to fucking – we're going to look at that demographic and say this man would probably subscribe to our premium services for – and then they knock off some websites that you're likely to use, add that to it, and suddenly it is relevant. It's relevant to your fitness forum. It's relevant to your paramotor forum because it's relevant based on the fact that they can now do marketing data to look at your interest and charge you more based on your interest. You do know that's not a net neutrality thing. That was passed a year, like almost a year

ago. What's that? One of the first things the FCC did under the Trump administration was make it so that ISPs could inspect your data and target marketing toward you. But sure. But that is a first step of a multiple step program that's going to fuck the consumers. And this is the next step for them. Yeah. I know sometimes in the last eight years or something, I've been looking at this mostly through the blue lens.

But I'm like, why? Like, sometimes it's not two sides to an issue, really. Like, net neutrality is just good. Privacy is just good. That rule that Obama put in where financial advisors had to look out for the people they were advising. Good rule. I like that rule.

That was one of the first things Trump did. The financial advisors seemed so skeezy. Yes. Was there any doubt in your mind that this vote would go the way it did? The net neutrality vote? Because there was never a moment of hesitation. Yeah, exactly.

Bought and paid for. Yeah. Like abortion. Okay, I get it. I get it. There's two sides to this issue, right? No one feels good about it, especially as it gets later and later in the term. Some people do.

Okay. I saw that on one of those confession memes. It's like people arguing memes it's like like people arguing that it's it's murdering a baby but i still don't have an issue with that either i did see that one yeah it's funny how much you see it on reddit but uh uh like there are a lot of issues where it's two sides heck you know the tax cuts right now that are happening um there's a lot i don't like about it, but like parts of it, like the corporate tax cut, I can see an argument,

right? It's weird that, you know, companies are putting their headquarters in Ireland so they can avoid us taxes. And I know Cisco has billions overseas that they don't bring back just so they can avoid us taxes. And if they,

they were taking out loans in America to expand when they had cash sitting outside of America, if all that cash was sitting in america maybe they'd be more inclined to do stuff here um so i can see an argument for that um then there's other stuff like net neutrality and financial advisors fucking over their clients and stuff like this is the one-sided issue why are we on the wrong side of this i don't know why the fuck this has come out that way. It seems so... I don't personally know anyone. Maybe it's just a small group or whatever.

I don't know anyone who's like, yeah, we got to get rid of net neutrality. It's bad for my life. I don't know anyone like that. I don't know any real people. The Russians are involved in this. Who really didn't like this idea either. I thought you were joking. I thought you were making a joke.

You know, they took like an online survey or something. There's no limit to what they're involved in. Net neutrality. And other people said they don't like net neutrality. Russian ISPs have stuffed that box with anti-net neutrality things just to stir like fussing. Just to start shit. It was on Reddit. It must be true.

I mean, I trust Reddit for my political beliefs. They're very moderate. I wish I could remember the source, but, you know, because Reddit sources reliable and unreliable things. Yeah, that's fair. It is, I mean, just a forum aggregator, so it all depends. It is what you make it. Yeah.

But anyway, yeah, so that's that neutrality. There it is. I feel like I did my best to inform both sides. I don't think it's a funny segment, unfortunately, for your show, but I'm glad you guys got a moment to talk about it because it's so fucking shitty. We had plenty of funny before, and this is a big enough story that, like, oh, did you see it was trending on Twitter, misspelled, because so many people were like, I'm upset about net neutrality.

No, I didn't see that. You fucking idiots. It's hard net natality if you're that passionate what you're trying to do net natality it's birthing yeah net natality yeah i i don't know this does seem like something that it would be in everyone's best interest to keep i think so i think so it's it fingers crossed in the courts fingers crossed capitalism works best with the touch of regulation and and here i talked about black and white there's a gray spot you know like i think we all agree you need to regulate energy companies and maybe you know the internet as a utility um and then you get to other stuff and you're like, well, should medical stuff be completely unregulated,

maybe a little regulation? Where do we fit in with that to make sure people get good quality affordable care? CEO pay, right? I get that it's pretty wild right now, but you'd have a real hard time crafting a good regulation about it. How do we determine why are CEOs not getting market pay? We had this conversation last time I was on.

The conversation we had was talking about men in power abusing their power. It was about, in this case, the last time it was about sexually taking advantage of the people they were around. I would say this is a different conversation than Really? It seems like the exact same

conversation to me. It's again about people in power taking advantage of those who aren't in power the best way they can. Oh, man, dude, I do not see giving yourself a lot of money as a CEO. That is not even in the same wheelhouse as using your power to sexually abuse people. Why not? Because one of them, you're making money, and the other one, you're sexually abusing someone. I do see a distinction's are you being serious are you being serious yeah yeah of course that's wildly different well because the it's not it's not quite there the the just the the way i see it is that if you're in if you're in the position

where you're capable of saying these are my terms and these terms benefit me you're almost always going to do that if you can if you can be in a position where especially our our i don't know our society whatever i don't know why the fuck it is with us but this is very much a trend for us if you're in a position where you can take advantage where you're going to reward yourself often at the detriment of others it's almost always the case we do that right yeah people are very self-serving. Sure. I don't like it when they try to boil down the negative of human nature and end up boiled down and politicized to point the finger at one political group

or one sex or anything like that. This happens to be a party, but I don't think it's a party. Exactly. I think that too. You put people in power, you're going to see people abusing power if there was a group of women in power in Pakistan they would also abuse said power

oh yeah like people are going to abuse power most of the time when they're in a situation like that it just depends on the extent I'm thinking about it I don't know when you start saying gender not to get laid though I get a little bit more cautious with the gender stuff because there are power uh not in pakistan if you know of a ceo who pays himself you know five million dollars a year and he runs a very successful company that

employs tens of thousands of people and then you see another ceo that pays himself one million dollars a year also employs tens of thousands of people, but he uses his power to fuck women and to sexually abuse and be a predator. How do those people differ to you? I guess, yeah. It comes down to importance to some degree. Take this with me from a very rational perspective of this if my values are i want to fuck that girl or my values are i want to come out more wealthy than i am by

whatever degree and i do my best to meet those values is that different just because the the one outcome is a more negative outcome via whatever whatever absolutely they're totally different things like you i don't even i different things. Like, you're damaging someone. I don't even understand how you're saying that. It's totally different sexually abusing someone than paying yourself more money. Sure, but the

mentality that spawned it is roughly the same. But then you're just drilling down to the point of irrelevance by saying that, oh, well, you're self-serving and so therefore it's both. There's an equivalency there. I don't think there is at all. An equivalency in terms of motivation. Only in terms of being self-serving. And if you boil every decision down to being self-serving,

it's not really... With no regulation, it becomes just a crapshoot as to what their motivation is. So, okay, this time this guy is, he's really interested in fleecing his pocket, and this other guy is really interested in underage 14 year old girls or whatever the fuck it is and this other guy over there is watermala and this yeah right and this other guy's really interested in like fancy fucking egyptian rugs

or whatever the hell it has to be the fact that their motivation differs doesn't doesn't negate the fact that the problem is in part the system that allows that to occur. If the system is literally get in power, do what you want with that, that's a problem. So you're right. What people choose to do with that power certainly differs. And yes, there are absolutely more or less negative outcomes for that. I grant you that 100%. And I'm not trying to say that the outcome is the same based on what they choose, but it is still problematic that that is a choice allowed, which is basically what are we

at the whim of this person or that person just because they're more powerful. That's a huge problem. I mean, but I just see it as like in one regard, if someone wants to say, oh, I'm paying myself. I started this company. I'm going to make $4 million this year. I think that's fair to me. I employ thousands of people. Like that's what I'm going to do. That's my MO. I worked hard so I could get this, and I can do it. And the other one is I'm going to run my company and use this in a predatory manner to take advantage of people sexually. And those are just so wildly different, and I feel like if you just distill it down to, well, both are just examples of people working within a framework to pursue their goals, it's like, well, but then, okay, then, like, but it's a bit of a false equivalency.

Like, one of them is playing within a framework that we can all agree is bad. Hey, you can't fucking take advantage of people sexually. And the other one is, why do you have the right to tell that guy who started a business how much you can make? Why do you have the right to do that? You've given me value judgments on some level. Not that I'm not too, but like.

That's not inappropriate. Value judgments are okay. It's hard for, like on the CEO pay thing, it's almost hard to figure out, like is it just ambition? Is ambition bad? No, not at all. In one of them, I think that I have a moral point in saying, hey, you're taking advantage of people sexually with your job, and that's bad.

But I don't have a moral position to say, okay, that company you built, that thing you've worked for your whole life, it's up to me where you cap out but but that isn't the comparison because it negate it ignores part of with the comparison of what we're seeing right now which is that the very well do much better than the the rest of the people to a disproportionate degree and that is more and more uh more and more uh growing apart for that right so when you say that like we should should the ce CEO be paid more for their work because they're doing more value? Yes. Should the CEO be paying the proportions that are being done right now? Is that good for society as a whole for these massively disproportionate payments to come out? Is it good for society as a whole to see the differentiation in wealth that is occurring right now? Is it good for society as a whole to see the accumulation of wealth? What gives you the right to set a cap on somebody's salary if they've built something?

Like, that's the main thing, is that I think we can all, as moral people, look at the sexual assault example and go, okay, that's wrong. That's wrong. We all have a moral position of saying that's something that's inappropriate and you shouldn't be doing that. Whereas, what moral position do we have to say, oh, yeah, it's up to me. Because I was going to actually say that I don't really give a shit what any of the ultimate, like, I hear you saying that about sexual assault. And I don't think I would be like, oh, man, sexual assault is great. I can never say something like that. But I feel like, again, these are arbitrary laws based on what our goals are.

If our goals are to protect minors from sexual assault, then we need to protect minors from sexual assault. If our goals are to better everybody as a society across- That's so vague, saying to better everybody across society. How is taking that guy down to a lower salary going to impact- I know you're not trying to cut me off, Tyler, but I didn't actually get to finish that thought, which was to better people across economic differences, to basically shore up the lowest part of our economy, to shore up the lowest earners to make sure that everyone has basic needs met which i think you'd i actually i don't know i would

assume the counter argument to that filthy is that demotivating the people at the top doesn't necessarily make the whole better well but we've seen that trickle down economic shit doesn't work well okay i'll agree we've seen that for years and years and years. There was a theory that was basically, if the wealthy do well, everyone does well. And that hasn't been proven to be true. And as I talk, I think it was just 20 minutes ago, I was

saying when you pay fighters too much, they stop working that hard. And here I am saying, oh no, CEOs need even more money, so they're excited about work. But there's also a real point to if you run a big company and you're about to go public, you're going to go national, you're going to start selling. I'm already public. And you're like, okay.

You're like, all right, well, I'm, you know, damn it, I already make a million dollars a year. Why would I put any more effort into this? Why would I hire more people? Why would I increase production? Why would I produce more if value for me is not going – if I can't increase anything? Well, I guess I'll just save myself the stress and not expand as a business and maybe fire a few people, lay them off.

I'm already set. That's an absolute – I guess I'm not surprised that the absolute best economic option is to exploit people. I guess I'm not surprised by that. That doesn't surprise me in the least that the best option is to find the other people you can screw the most and screw them the most for your economic gain. I don't think that's necessarily

true in a lot of ways. Walmart, for example, they're not getting rich by fucking everyone. They're getting rich by providing a lot of reasonably cost products to people that they desire. Are their employees getting rich? No. Is that a barometer for goodness desire. Are their employees getting rich?

No. Is that a barometer for goodness now? Everybody has to get rich? I guess as a barometer for goodness, I would look at, I mean, we are very much not a socialist kind of country here. And I look at some of the, you know, you look at what we actually measure nations on for how well they're doing. Not economic necessarily, but we look at the wellness of the people. We look at the people who score the happiest, the people who score the best lives. And they aren't us.

And the countries that are doing this are the countries that have done a better job of distributing wealth in a way that actually provides for people who fucking need it. I don't know, man. job of distributing wealth in a way that actually provides for people who fucking need it. I don't know, man. That's a big leap of, you know, we're in some large, multifaceted survey dictating how happy people are in the country to then saying, so we need to cap these CEOs' pay because they're being just as selfish and ridiculous as somebody who uses their power for sexual advancement. I guess, well, you're changing parts of what I'm saying. My point about the... I know.

I'm not calling this attention. That's why I'm addressing it. I come back to what I said about that. My point was more along the lines of power. Are you saying Taylor's using a straw man attack? That son of a bitch. Oh, no! I would never use those words. Did he just change

your argument and debate against that one instead no no dick i definitely didn't do that you put me in such a corner no uh my point my point along those lines was again the the same which is that people in power are going to do whatever who have the ability to do it are going to chase the motivations that motivate them and in some people that is more wealth and in some people that is fuck that girl even if she's not an acceptable target for fucking or whatever happens to be that was my point along those lines so coming away from that again if we're looking at like i guess i don't know a better metric for how well your society is doing than how happy your people are and maybe there are better metrics and maybe you have some

ones that you could suggest for that but expectancy like i don't but these things are related right i don't know sure but again aren't these aren't these the same income is one yeah but income is definitely no no no but that isn't a great one because we know that you don't get to choose what other people's things are well it's gonna i was to offer a reason why I don't think that's a very good one, which was that the relationship between income and happiness isn't a particularly great relationship. What you see is up to a point. This is just something in my field again from psychology, right? In this case, not so much pedophilia.

That's your domain. This is my domain. It's your domain. This is my domain. It's your domain. So in this one, it's like you see that happiness increases up to a point with wealth. And that point is basically getting your basic shit covered. And then after a point, it doesn't cover it again. It doesn't go any higher after that. In other words, there's a point in which people need to make in our society a certain amount of money so they can do well in that.

And then after that point, the money doesn't actually increase happiness. Right, but you're assigning your value system to other people, right? There are other people who's like, hey, I'm playing this game and that's how I keep score. Sure. I guess, sure. You could play the game and keep score. But I guess when I look at these things, if I – I guess when I look at these things, if I, and I'm, I guess.

Let's say hypothetically, the happiest people lived on the beach, laid in hammocks while coconuts and bananas fell on them. And that's all they needed, right? They're all Norwegian right now. Aren't all the fucking happiest people Scandinavian right now? What I'm saying is, let me keep going. I know you didn't mean to interrupt me, but I hadn't actually finished my point. If the happiest people in the world are in hammocks with bananas and coconuts falling on them i wouldn't say that was the most thriving nation in the world

if their entire population was just doing that i guess my point then would be i'd rather be happy than thriving oh but then again i wouldn't take your value system and assign it to the only way that the country should keep score. Sure. But what other... So when I say, okay, I would use happiness as a pretty good indicator of societal success. What other ones would you want to include with that? And you're welcome to add ones to that. I'm not saying I have the answer. Life expectancy, child mortality rates. Okay, but I think these are... I'm gonna write it down and look for you guys. These child mortality rates per capita income I'm going to write it down and look for you guys you said child mortality

life expectancy expectancy Kyle this is the way I feel when you talk about cheese but everybody likes cheese you think? yeah what do you prefer? Cheese talk

or this? We're having an interesting conversation here. This is interesting to me. This is something that I enjoy chatting about. I laugh for you. I do my duty as a guest. UFC talk was terrible. I agree always.

I would rather talk about cheese or this. Although cheese is sneaking up on this. Yeah. But that's just the thought of cheese. It's hard. You know, because like I listen to other podcasts and sometimes I hear it and I'm like deeply engaged. You know, I very much want to hear about this guy's expertise.

And I had never had an interest in this before, but now I am. And then other times it's like, skip this part. I guess that's why there's a timeline in the description yep yeah just jump whatever you want there is a this with a quick search in quick Google search we have life expectancy by country and we have world happiness index 2016 by countries starts with the first top five for happiness are Denmark, Switzerland, Iceland, Norway, Finland. I mean, are you comparing a homogenous country with a population of like 3.7 million to a country? I'm comparing a Google search right now, so I don't know what demographics they use for that. But I'm sure we can go back and analyze that if you'd like, but I don't know right now.

Maybe the problem is the farmers producing their monocrops, giving too much corn-based food making us die early and the top five life countries by expectancy is japan switzerland singapore australia and spain iceland singapore that's super rich you kidding me singapore's i'm fucking i've been to singapore i've never been amazing i thought america would be executed if you smuggle in pot but the rest of it's good Wait they do what if you smuggle in pot? Executed Oh well then I'm not visiting anywhere where like something that minor is Cause like you don't know what else you're gonna slip up with

Like man I love this monster energy and they're like Oh! Yeah right They're like oh I didn't know! I didn't know! Like I'll throw it away Are you wearing Nikes? That's just capital punishment here Like I didn't know I'll throw it away Are you wearing Nikes? That's capital punishment here United States is

13th in happiness And 31st in Life expectancy What was the first number? 13th in happiness And 31st in life expectancy Not bad. I'm kind of curious about, well, I haven't looked at education.

I don't know that one, but I think we're slipping every year. We're tops in confidence though. Yeah, we are. We're dumb and we don't know it. I heard the thing about Americans being fat wasn't necessarily true. Mexico is the fattest country in the world. Soica is often called second because we're the second heaviest but americans are big and there are a bunch of countries that are actually fatter than us they're just not as tall i saw it on the internet it made a lot of sense that's what i say i'm tall

i can't believe i never thought about that before one of those thoughts that you're like oh of course we're not actually fatter than those Samoan people on that little island. They're just five foot four. I don't know. Again, I go back to when I read the politics stuff, it always amazes me on some of them. Like, this is so fucking stupid. And then I go, these are probably not stupid people in here. The people at the top of their fields doing this are probably not stupid people.

are probably not stupid people in here the people at the top of their fields doing this are probably not stupid people and then i look back when you when you're criticizing some of some of the um the uh the study results here and you're kind of suggesting things i'm like i have i have research experience and i look back then i'm like yeah i probably controlled for that so when i look at these i don't know i would have to read into the uh for the wiki stuff i'd have to go look at the the sites they're using and actually read the papers they're citing off of but I bet you a lot of that shit is controlled for so when Woody says something like that's not very American

you should just keep looking for sources until you find the answer you want yeah I guess you're right USA number one across the board I gotta say I need to adapt to this new fucking world that is clearly I gotta stop reading those sources to adapt to this new fucking world. I gotta stop reading those sources.

That's a waste of my time. I could be writing fucking fake news during that time period to counteract that shit. It'd be much better. There's one source to go to for anything that I trust. Alt. Oh, wait. Infowars.com. Get yourself some bone broth.

Get yourself some protein powder. Get yourself some neck thickening paste that's new, that's something that we've just come out with here. No red additive at this point. We are adding it, though. Alright, Kyle. It's probably on you. What do you want for another conversation?

You look totally bored over there. I'm going to let that fly. Anything that's not legalities or politics talk or something that we've rehashed 13 times. Let's see. I'm on here a lot, but I haven't been on here for some of those things. I got a thing. So the police department in – shit, I'm looking for it somewhere in America. New London. Who knows where new london is new london ah well it happened in the second u.s circuit court of appeals in new

york upheld a lower court's decision to discriminate against this guy uh he took an iq test to be a policeman and he scored a, which is 33 points on this test. And they said, we prefer IQs under about 104. And he was too smart, and they didn't hire him. I think that's fair. I think that's fair, reasonable, and actually intelligent. I'm just looking for the words because I want to get it right. Oh, here it is. They found that candidates who scored too high

would get bored at police work and soon leave after undergoing costly training. So they don't want smart cops. Nope. How terrible. I would much rather have a smarter cop. Yeah, like I've always said, the real issue is the cops aren't paid enough.

Like, cops should be making like $85,000 a year or something like that. I feel like... Would you do a job for $60,000 that you found engaging and enjoyable, or a job for $85,000 that you hated? I always want more money. Yeah, I'd want the more money. Really? I'm a streamer, I'm doing more money. Yeah, I'd want the more money. Really? I'm a streamer. I'm doing the opposite. And it has nothing to do with me personally.

It's about the quality of candidates that you're going to bring to the job and the level of professionalism that they would bring to that job. Because I'm not talking about taking all the cops you have now and paying them $85,000. I'm saying that if all cops paying them $85,000, I'm saying that if all cops are paid $85,000, then the people applying for those positions would inherently be better candidates.

You should have a couple years of law school under your belt if you're going to enforce the law, I think. You probably don't need a law degree, but a couple years of law school might be good. I wonder if people who did that, though, would want to put themselves in harm's way if they'd already invested that much in their career. Like an FBI agent. But that is a much higher barrier to entry than a regular cop, right?

Yes, that's what I'm describing. Literally, yes. You're supposed to not imbibe alcohol ever while you're an FBI agent you're you're supposed to not imbibe alcohol ever while you're an fbi agent and you're not you're supposed to have not ever smoked pot and they'll polygraph you on that when you engage when you uh enter an fbi agent i looked into that i was like i don't fit here well i saw a guy get his face peeled off and eaten today i'd like a beer but not for another 35 years. Wish something would take the shakes away.

So I'm sure we all saw the video of the cop gunning down that innocent man in that fucking hallway. I hadn't seen that before I logged in tonight with you guys. It's so fucking hard to watch. I think the backstory of this is that the cops respond to some call that this guy's pointing a weapon

out of his hotel room window, something like that. The truth is that he had some pellet guns, pellet pistols, something like that, not a real firearm, and he'd been drinking. So maybe he was brandishing a pellet rifle or pistol at his

hotel window. They respond by sending cops with assault rifles to the hotel, and they sort of do this, like, what he described it as, like, bop it, twist it, pull it. If Simon says the penalty if you fail is you die. Yeah, they got

this guy crawling in the hallway, and the guy is like, please don't shoot me! Please! He's crying? He's fucking crawling drunk. Like, I'm really, I'm really kind of curious. So at one point where he went wrong, this is what he got killed for. So at one point his pants were coming down. I think he was crawling on his knees or something.

And they had basketball shorts on and people know what they look like. And that caused him to slide down. So he pulled his pants up an inch or two and they got, the police got excited they're like do that again i will fucking kill you i'll shoot you you're gonna get shot keep your hands up now he's drunk so he probably didn't think through the ramifications of pulling his pants up and then they had him on his knees with his hands in the air and they told him to crawl what they wanted was for him to walk on his knees that was that was what they had in there if i'm reading this the room right but what he did is he crawled which would be hands and knees and they shot that's what crawling means and they didn't just shoot him the cops got i couldn't really

tell exactly what it was but he's got like a long gun of some kind maybe like a he goes like he unloads on this guy as lethally as possible on this unarmed, and there's no race involved. It's a white guy. This isn't like a 30 second thing. This is like a fucking three minute thing. This is like, you know, he's like telling him, he's telling him complicated instructions too. He's like, get on your belly, get your hands over your head, interlace thelace the hands put your left foot over your right foot not your right foot over your left like it's a good line i don't i don't understand this like this is this isn't me that's what it's

all about i don't understand why the i understand they're worried about their safety i understand they're worried about the threat that he has a weapon. I understand that. But I don't understand the insistence on this degree of Simon fucking says... Yeah, I did. I watched it earlier. If you want to

play it, I fully support it. Personally, I'm not going to watch it again. It really thumbs me out. Yeah, it's like that. You see some videos and you're like, oh, I'm not going to watch it again. It really thumbs me out. Yeah, it's like that. You see some videos and you're like, I'm never watching that again. I saw one where this guy in China

was skinning puppies alive and serving them as food. I don't want to see that again. I also don't want to... Feel free to play it for the show, but Jesus, that's a terrible video. Are we going to watch it again? The rest of us?

We have to agree. It's not like we can talk while it plays or anything. I'll sit quietly. I'll watch it. I'll give you guys a link so we all have the same version. I'm queued at zero. What you're going to see is some very excited policemen who can't seem to read the non-threat this dude is.

You guys ready? Yes. 600 people liked this video. Ready, set, play. Are we commenting as it happens or after? Stop right there. We've all seen it. Stop. Stop.

Get on the ground, both of you. Lay down on the ground. Lay down on the ground! You maniac. At this point, I'm thinking these people are compliant. Yeah, it should be over. Should go over and arrest him or do whatever. Yeah, like handcuff him. This is what I'm saying. Why are the next fucking three minutes, Simon says. Is this guy a coward?

No, he has a partner. We see his partner later. If you make a mistake, another mistake, there's a very severe possibility you're both going to get shot. Do you understand that? He is. This is shut up. I'm not here to be

tactful or diplomatic with you. You listen, you obey. Alright. All right. He needs to go to a fucking dungeon and get his rocks off and then go back to being a professional. Filthy's expertise. Jared, this isn't supposed to be a power play. He's supposed to be a fucking law enforcement. This isn't supposed to be a power play. He's supposed to be a fucking law enforcement.

Who else is in the room? Nobody. All right. Here, I don't understand how anyone gets shot past this point. Yeah. They're so clearly compliant. They're face down on the fucking rug. Mm-hmm.

And the instructions they give him are like, you know, arms up, arms down, interlaced fingers, hands back up, cross your legs, walk on your legs. This guy's getting his fucking rocks off telling someone what to do and like someone dies for it. This guy's so terrified right now. And rightfully so, he dies. No, no, no, the guy with the gun. Oh. The guy with the gun's terrified right now. That's your main problem.

He's a coward. Oh, yeah. He's so afraid right now. His heart is racing right now with fear. Kyle, I have a question for you. I can say racing with fucking adrenaline makes total sense here. Kyle, I know you're not a cop

but you're a firearms expert. Should he have his finger off the trigger now or is on appropriate? That might really depend on some sort of departmental policy or training that they go through. My finger wouldn't be on the

fucking trigger because when your adrenaline's racing that much you can twitch. You can twitch. I guess I don't know. For as egregious as this shooting is,

it really didn't explode as a story. No. In my world, it did. I guess, I don't know. You're right. Like mainstream, I mean. It really didn't. Yeah, it got big on the internet for a day

and then faded. I don't know. You guys showed me this. This killed me. I hadn't heard anything fucking about this. This is ridiculous. When you see the imagery of this, you're like, how the fuck did someone die?

Oh, you might not know this. The shooter, Kyle, a dust cover goes over the injection port. I don't know where the injection port is in a gun. So on the side where the bullet shells come out, there's a little, I think a metal flap. And it's normally closed to keep dust and things out of the movement, but when you pull the trigger

and the bullets come out the side, this little metal flap falls down. Well, he had his laser etched to say, you're fucked, and they wouldn't put that in the trial, that his gun said,

you're fucked, after you shoot it, because they felt like it would bias the jury. Yeah, it probably would bias them. It'd be like if I said to you before I shot you, I want to shoot you in the face. I said, get your legs crossed! Or like you saying, you're fucked. He's about to kill us. He's apologizing.

I didn't say this in conversation. Put your hands up in the air! Hands up in the air! He's trying so fucking hard to kill us. He's apologizing. I didn't say this in conversation. Put your hands up in the air! Hands up in the air! He's trying so fucking hard to obey here. We're shooting you. Do you understand? Please do not shoot me. Then listen to my instruction.

I'm trying to do what you say. Don't talk! Listen! I'm trying to do what you say. Don't talk. Listen. Put your hands down for any reason. You think you're going to fall.

You better fall on your face. This is a bad dog. Your hands go back into the you better fall on your face. This is a bad dog. Your hands go back into small, your back are down. We are going to shoot you, you understand me. This is someone who's fucking... He's crying. Yeah, he's worried he's gonna die. Yeah, and rightly so, it turns out.

And this guy... Oh, God. That's so fucking insane. He just murdered that child. I call him a child. I don't know how old that guy is. I think he was 22. No, 26-year-old Daniel Shaver.

I mean, he's a smaller guy. And look, now they're going to check on the room instead of this person he just murdered. Oh, what scum. I don't know my past judgment on the room thing that's so painful to watch like all right i don't give a shit if they go in the room afterwards or not like yeah okay that makes sense they're protecting themselves past what could be in there but like that guy just died died obeying and died totally unnecessarily died without presenting a threat

he died ben shapiro said about it i hate because he's uh he's inclined to be pro police and i wonder if he saw that and still was i bet he probably said it was bs because he also was very against the you know that guy who got shot in the back that like the guy actually did get the cop got in trouble i mean it was in like there's a clip of the guy just like running away and he gets shot in the back and murdered. Was he running into his truck to get his license, maybe? No, it was in a park or something. It was another innocent man, police killed.

Yeah, it was just another innocent guy. Was he a child with paintball guns? No. No? It wasn't that. I can imagine a scenario where I die in a fucking corridor because I am listening to what is said to me, and I obey, and I die in a fucking corridor because I am listening to what is said to me and I obey and I die anyways. I can that is not a I mean, what what would if you look at that and you see that, imagine you're in that scenario.

You've had a little bit to drink, a couple of drinks or something. You're probably not drunk necessarily. You have a paintball gun. I mean, Kyle is right. You have a huge you have a fucking arsenal on on on campus where you are right now. Right. You you happen to have a weapon weapon in have a fucking arsenal on campus where you are right now, right? You happen to have a weapon in the window for a moment. You're within your rights to do that.

You're not threatening anyone with that. The police approach you. You comply exactly what the police say to the best of your ability. The best of your ability may be slightly compromised because you're drinking possibly. But you do everything they're fucking told you and you get shot sometimes i don't understand that scenario right like like the trayvon martin thing that would have happened to me you know like if i was trayvon martin i'd have said my uncle lives there like whatever like i would have been able to de-escalate here's one sober woody doesn't have a problem you know sober woody says so crawl on my hands and knees and they say

yes shut up you listen no seriously they might i hear you they say you listen but if i ask for confirmation i feel like they don't pull the trigger at the question you know they they might be mad at me they might not like me but they don't pull the trigger when he crawled forward there uh well when he crawled forward he fixed his pants if you watch it again his hand went to the wrong spot and they killed him. Now, they should have read the room a little better. This guy was clearly being as compliant as possible. But he pulled his pants up.

I think his basketball pants were coming down because when you crawl on your knees in long shorts like that with an elastic waist, they can slide. Let the pants go down. You're right. But he's drunk. That's the part. Oh, yeah, yeah. Sober Woody gets out of that without being shot. Drunk Woody does no better than that guy.

My face is hot. Is your upper lip sweating too? Sir, are you drunk? Hold on. Hold on. That's funny, but bullshit. Because alcohol is like, again, it's a line, right? Like, how drunk are you?

If you're a little inebriated, all right. You're not 100% on everything, but you're still mostly capable of things. As this guy was mostly capable of obeying, right? He was trying to do what they told him to do. No, you're right. I'm not saying he's wrong. What I'm saying is that things are impactful for me emotionally when I wouldn't have done any better when I say that guy got shot because he was

an idiot or an ass you can say that's not something to be concerned about but if he gets shot but you put three drinks in me and I can't play Simon Says for shit neither can he apparently and that cop was really big on Simon Says that wasn't like a couple like

two or three things to do in a little bit. That was like fucking 15 things to do that keep changing. Yeah. That was just, that's disgusting. And, you know, the trial. It's terrifying. He's been clear to this thing. Like, it's, it's.

Yeah. He murdered that kid. He got fired. He'll be the next guy. You get swatted the next time you're streaming. He'll be the guy who shows up. Well, he's fired. But someone like him.

He'll go to another fucking department somewhere. He can go into private security. He can live. He can get a job. That kid's fucking dead somewhere in the ground. That's fucked. So hard to watch. I feel terrible about that.

It's sickening. It's very hard to watch. How am I going to enjoy my cheese shortly? With all these thoughts running through my head. Hey, nothing can ruin cheese for me. Just have two wheels. Yeah, just two wheels. Slow your roll to less than 10 pounds.

Yeah, that guy was a coward. That's the problem. He's terrified right there. That or maybe he's really wanting to shoot someone. Either way. They're going to remove the the i mean i don't again i don't know i didn't follow this but that's it's a little bit scary to hear that you're the police officers who are there to enforce law and essentially try i mean they're people they're gonna have egos i understand this but their gun shouldn't say you're fucked

yeah he's a police officer he's not he's not in the fucking army. He's not in combat. He's, again, I don't know. Is this a special unit? Is this something that's only called in certain circumstances? Why does his gun say you're fucked? Cap gun response squad. That's absurd. It's a pretty

common thing to inscribe things on dust covers. It's like a nice flat part of your gun that you can inscribe i may have but but you're fucked isn't all that common often people will put a skull on there or like a logo or an emblem or molon labe or something you know but i'm not sure skull would be better this scenario well you know it might be as accurate but for for people that are watching it looked something like this i don't know if this is the exact one. The you're fucked part is the same. This has predator skulls on it too.

But it said you're fucked so that... I wish I could show you the side of the gun. But when the bullets come out, this comes into view and it says you're fucked. And it may have implied that this guy had a certain excitement level over shooting people. Yeah. You guys want to call it a show? implied that this guy had a certain excitement level over shooting people. Yeah.

You guys want to call it a show? Yeah, we could do that. Kyle, any words? Filthy? Hey, guys. Glad to be here again. Had a fun time. Glad we got some chatting about it. Always enjoy having you on, my friend. Go check out Filthy's streams

and his YouTube videos. Please do. Don't make him too successful. It will ruin him. No. 75% of Dr. Disrespect would be fine. We don't want to go to 100% of Dr. Disrespect. We're in the same boat, but 75%

would be fine. Quarter Lambo level. That's what we want. Three quarter. Okay, three quarters Lambo. Nice Lexus. Check out Movement Watches, Dollar Shave Club, Omaha Steaks with their wonderful deal, and Bespoke Post. Yeah, all those down below. Also, of course,

there's a link to our PKA merch, having that special holiday merch out there. I think that's all we've got. Go buy cheese. American-made cheese. It's delicious. It's good for you. High in calcium. Wonderful snack.

Merry Christmas, guys. Thanks for having me on. Merry Christmas. Have a good night, guys.