Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #366

Episode Date: December 29, 2017

This week on PKA, Tucker aka IIJERiiCHOII is BACK for a special LIVE Christmas Edition of PKA, which we had a good time over on Twitch. The guys get nuts talking about Tucker attending a drag show in LA, the weird 2 headed monster girl from TLC and Taylor & Kyle get into some very kinky role-playing live on the air. 

and we're live painkiller already episode 366 i really hope this is working uh with our guest uh jericho kyle yeah a couple ads tonight we have smart mouth omaha steaks casper mattresses and uh chiz wants me to make sure to remind you guys that you can get pkn uh the entire season's worth uh links down below in the description check that out. We'll talk more about each of those things later in the show. But yeah, special live episode of Painkiller already with our guest, T-T-Tucker. Does anyone know why we're live? Let me say, Woody,

when you lead into the episode live and you go, I hope that works! As we get ready to take off into a four-hour trajectory show, I want a little more confidence than that, man. I want to be able to feel like it is I want a little more confidence than that, man. I want to be able to feel like it is recording. I'm being real with you, man.

I just pray to God this is freaking working. That's the confidence we need in this country. Nothing but the utmost confidence. Well, Twitch records it too, I suppose, according to Chiz, Twitch expert. You'll be all right. Oh, Chiz was telling me something I didn't know about for you, Tucker.

You had a bit of an incident, was it, at a recent con where some fans gave you shit or something? Lead off with this one? I don't know the story. Chiz told me to lead off with it.

Jesus Christ. Any words for Chiz and me to lead off with it. Oh man, Chiz. Jesus Christ. Any words for Chiz and whose dick he should suck on this? Damn, dude! Uh, yeah, so I mean, uh, yeah, Reddit's not thrilled with me. So like, uh, TwitchCon came around, and, um, and the Twitch party was happening, and there were a bunch of people, uh, livestreaming it, which I had no problem. Um, but there were, were uh two certain instances where somebody uh physically interrupted a conversation i was having to specifically call out uh to a

stream that i was there or that other people were there and these people were also going around these two specific examples so it wasn't like annie millenock because it wasn't ice poseidon uh it wasn't you know anybody else i actually don't know the names of these people or one of them and so I tweeted Twitch parties are just a a place for IRL streamers to get in your face now I saw that and I was like yeah, and and of course like that struck a nerve because Shortly after and I have no idea if it was because my tweet or somebody complained to Twitch or whatever, but they came over the loudspeaker and like, just FYI, you can't live stream from the party.

Which, Twitch wasn't clear with what you could and couldn't stream, so they said, everybody can stream at TwitchCon. The party was at TwitchCon, but it was not at the convention center. So that kind of was shitty for Twitch, because they should have come out and said like yes

You can stream no you can't stream from the party then they went and they kicked ice beside now for not streaming on Twitch So that fucking was awkward and I actually ran into ice later that day He got banned from twitch and from twitches party. Yeah. No. No he wasn't that twitches party He was at twitch con trying to livestream on YouTube and somebody came up to him and the staff was like you can't stream unless you're streaming on twitch so i actually ran into ice later that day and he was like uh and we talked about it because i was just confused as to why i had quite a few irl streamers upset with me so i get uh i've been pinned with the blame of kicking people out of TwitchCon and ruining TwitchCon, which, Lord, if I had that power, man. Wow, that would be great.

But yeah, so... You know, everything's black and white, so yeah, that was not enjoyable. TwitchCon will never be the same. It's all my fault. But yeah, that was quite the drama episode, which sucks, because like...

When you say physically accosted, like, interrupting your conversation, do you mean, like, No, he never touched me. Like, hey, fucking Boner Patrol 69, I got Tucker here on my screen. Yeah, yeah, literally. Yeah, exactly. And then later on, there's this dude named Burger Andy, Burger Planet, who, outside of a bar, which, He got famous lately. He's into a whole other drama, man.

Yeah, he, yeah, he did. which leads into a whole other drama, man. Yeah, he did. And he, outside of the bar, I asked him not to... We were in a circle, just a bunch of our friends. He came up and was just standing awkwardly with his back towards us, just filming our conversation.

I was like, yo, man, hey, there's a video out there. I was like, hey, can you not film us? We're just hanging out. We're going to go home uh i asked him pretty nicely but apparently i was too much of a dick to him so he uh was not happy with me and a lot of his fans were not as well um that was that least man all this drama like compounds itself because that was also uh and that guy told keemstar that my best friend cheated on her boyfriend with Doc at TwitchCon, and then Keemstar tweeted out that she was his side chick, which is not true.

It's so hard to follow these stories. I know. There's so many of them. You're the only person I know, which means I'm going to take your side in all these. You got this useless guy on your back. It's okay. Look, it's okay. I understand why people would be upset with me.

I just feel like I was an easy target. So, like, fine. I accept the fact that I did tweet that. And that tweet might have gotten somebody who was on their Twitter at the party to do something. But I definitely was not the only one that was upset with that. And it's on Twitch to be clear with what you can and can't do. If they had started the party by being

like, everybody can livestream, bro, I wouldn't have complained. That's in the rules. But I was on the impression, since it was a private event at TwitchCon, not at the convention, that there would be an expectation of privacy. So let's do a roundtable. Is he an asshole? Am I an asshole? Yeah well this is the thing we do

on the show am i an asshole that's fine uh yeah am i an ass jericho so there was a twitch event and these irl streamers had an opportunity to to mingle with famous people like jericho and they were and they you know were live streaming people without consent really but it's semi public so wait can I one last can I do one last like clarification before I okay okay wait oh yeah god man fuck I knew I should have come on

PK this time it's called Jericho shuts down YouTube stream it sounds pretty unbiased I am who knew that I was this juggernaut behind a dying shuts down YouTube stream. It sounds pretty unbiased. Who knew that I was this juggernaut behind... A dying streamer with the power to kill off everybody? Dude, I used to be a make-believe juggernaut.

They all hated me for it, too. Yeah, I think my vote is you're not an asshole at all. In the same way that, like... If you're a big basketball fan, Tucker, and you go up to some player you see at a bar somewhere, and you walk up to him streaming like, oh my god, LeBron, I'm your biggest fan, yeah, let me see whatever the, jump for me, or whatever the fuck you'd say, I don't know. And he was like, dude, get out of my face, that's not cool. Like, you would be the asshole there, not him. Like, your time to be interacting with fans is not when you're at a

private party you know i think that the major distinction that i wanted to make which was the only problem i had was like just follow social boundaries right like ask if if the dude had come on be like yo you want to have a twitch convention i know all those social boundaries yeah how dumb am i to expect that no but like that that was if you if you would have come on me like yo man you want to say how to stream like who has a problem with that that No, but like that, that was, if you, if you would have come on me like, yo man, you want to say how to stream? Like who has a problem with that? That's fine. But like to interrupt the middle of a conversation I'm having with two other people and then what it's just like, that was one of multiple instances that myself and other people had. I mean, you can watch that video is from later that night. So that video is after, uh, the tweet that I made,

but it's still very well, you know well shows how I handled it, I guess. I ask because it impacts my opinion of whether or not you're an asshole. Were you trying to pick up girls when they were interrupting you, or just chatting? No. I was with my friend, Chaney, who is in a relationship, and I was with,

at the time after I made that tweet, Anthony Confan, and I want to say there was another person there but I can't remember so I was not actively trying to pick up girls and if if if any girls are out there I'm still single so I can I'll take all the help I can just girls though me too I don't have any guys it's 20 it's almost 2018 and guys and and and nine bot non-binary just those guys if those guys

Interrupted you while you were trying to hit on girls I'm on the exact opposite side of woody because that makes them an even bigger asshole See they saw that you were out that you okay good I've been on that same team then because they saw you out on the prowl out hunting and they had to go good bang a bunch Of sticks together and pots and pans and scare the prey away that would have been that would have been good Content like that would have been good content. Like, that would have been good content to see myself in third person trying to pick up a girl.

I might not even, I might have in retrospect been like, yeah, it's pretty funny. Like some mad geo shit, like here we see in the bushes, like here we see Jericho trying to get laid. But yeah. I'm going to do my 21-year-old call, Nordstrom Rack. Nordstrom Rack. Like, whatever the fuck they like. Ohstrom rack like I don't know if the Nordstrom rack is it I think it'd be like oh for you this ultra boost I'm

waiting for Hollister to come around it's not gonna is it yeah you're looking for heavily perfumed live young men in the Hollister department. You know? Just walk into Hollister and take a look at the scenery there. They have Louis XVI-style portraits of young men wearing no clothes. Is that true? And you can just see, like, the top. I'm dead serious. It was like that when I was in middle school, and it was cool. Like, all you'd see is, like, some dude with an Instagram filter,

and then you see, like, just the very top of, like, a Hollister underwear on the very bottom of the picture, and that's it. They're just trying to sell you the idea of being a Lydian boy. I think I just look fly, that's all. Jesus. Oh, you're wearing Hollister right now, aren't you? Yeah, yeah. All right. Do we need to make –

I'm going to go with not an asshole. uh all right do we need to i'm gonna go with not an asshole yeah i i think if a guy asks not to be on camera then that's not an asshole move no you're definitely an asshole yeah i i you know what i can see both sides of the argument i really can and that's why it like doesn't bother me too much it it's just yeah it's life in the public eye, man. You know, sometimes you're the bad guy, even if you don't want to be. Exactly. Yes. No, you're not the asshole even at all. Imagine if you were taking a shit in a bathroom and the lock didn't work at that conference.

And some person burst into there and they were like, oh, I'm sorry. And then he's like, oh, my God, Tucker, I fucking love you. You're taking a shit right now, but it's still just give me like three minutes. He's going front to back. Oh, he's going front to back. I fucking like you taking a shit right now, but it's still just give me like three minutes like Back oh, oh he's going front to back That's risky business I feel like you go both ways to just ensure that you get the mass of this, right? Wait, you wipe your ass back to the front? Do you like lift your leg like a lady? And put your- the big wash- I've got long arms, I can get all the-

...lifting. Yeah. So you don't feel like you get a good enough- a good enough wipe in the- in the correct direction, so you go back for like the- the stealth- Taylor, you're aware how poor my diet is, right? Oh, that's right

I bet you're painting the bowl every time. It's just a goddamn disaster back there although recently with my with my increased cheese intake things have really been solidifying and and Haven't had that issue. I'm actually in the same boat as you go. I'll catch you up Tucker We've been going through uh a meat and cheese phase we've been having a lot of cheese related discussion on the show because my life by the way good then we're about to have three and a half hours let's go charcuterie platters let's get it going see like two weeks ago kyle sent a picture of a delicious looking tapas board he kind of made for himself with like a nice wheel of cheese and some nice chorizo or sausage or summer sausage whatever it was and uh and crackers and i was like god that would be so good and so

like the next day i went and spent like 80 on a bunch of artisanal cheeses and sausages and i've been eating so many of them and it's impossible to stop because you eat little sandwiches and so you go oh it's just a little sandwich this This isn't going to make anybody fat. Little sandwiches never made anybody fat. But then you eat 60 of them. It would feel horrible. Before we started the show, I had half of a dry-peppered salami on some salted

garlic crackers with sharp cheddar. And I'm the same way. I'm like, oh, it's just like half a cracker. And another one. Smart Mouth is a sponsor tonight for you, with your cheese and your garlic butter bread. No wonder I'm single. I'm like, yo, it's just like half a cracker. Jesus Christ. And another one. I think Smart Mouth is a sponsor tonight for you with your cheese and your garlic butter bread. No wonder I'm single. I'm just like, ugh.

Yeah, that was my Christmas gift from Chiz. I got a meat log, as I call it, with some sort of Spanish meat log-like sausage thing. Actually, two of them. Yeah, yeah. At first, I was kind of so-so on it, but I just keep sawing slices off that thing and eating it. then the other night i couldn't find my cheese knife so i'm sitting there playing pub g and like as i like put auto run on and i'll just take the whole

meat log and bite into it like an apple yes like a goddamn savage in there just you feel like a dinosaur don't you or a kai back on the menu boys like that kind of shit like you're feeling good i don't think i told this on the show with the it's also sausage and cheese related yeah like last saturday or so i went out with some friends and went to a few bars and got pretty drunk and near the end of the night it was like midnight and there's one bar around here that's like open till three that like you're just – you're not going there if you're not trashed basically. And so we were on the way there, and we got to an area that was close enough that from the Uber we were in that I could like get out and walk to where my place was and just stop for the night because I was done. And so – and this is my friend regaled me with this because I have no memory.

done and so and this is my friend regaled me with this because i have no memory apparently i just started opening the door of a minivan as we were slowing down the stoplight i stepped out closed the door i didn't say goodbye to any of my friends or the girls who were there and i just walked home and then i got home i don't remember any of the night i woke up the next morning and i was like oh man i feel horrible but it wasn't like a specifically hungover feeling because hungover is like, oh, my head. Like, I just feel ill. It wasn't that. It was like, God, my stomach. Jesus.

Like, what did I eat last night? I come out into my kitchen. I see a full empty sleeve that was full the night before of that chorizo that Chiz sent me. It's like 16 ounces of chorizo that I must have got home at midnight and been like, I need a snack, and just started slicing it up, ate the whole thing. I ate a whole wheel of smoked gouda with it, because

I tried to find... It wasn't a giant wheel. It was a reasonably sized wheel. And a whole thing of crackers as well. And so, like, God, I felt horrible. Like, I've never had the meat sweats 14 hours after I finished eating. I relate too much to this, it hurts man, I'm like... Like, when you...

Yeah, what's up, what are you- I usually can't participate in food talk, you know, it's not my thing, I've been trying to lose weight. But, it turns out when someone dies, you get all kinds of food and shit just mailed to your house. And I have... this many cookies. Oh, I need to kill my mom. Are they good? That's what I get from that. Well, I wasn't going to eat them, really.

But it turns out a lot of them have nuts, and there's no one else in the family who will. It's kind of my duty, I guess. Those are bereavement cookies. Yes, they are. Really? It doesn't say bereavement on them, but that's what they're for. Yeah. It'd be kind of weird doesn't say bereavement on them, but that's what they're for. Yeah.

It'd be kind of weird if they were bereavement brand cookies. That'd be kind of a niche market. Wait, there's a marketing idea in there. Like cookies specifically for bereavement. Or food. What would they be? Just like overburnt crispy food. Like ashes sent to you.

Oh, that's not nice. That's not even a good cookie though. I wouldn't want to eat ashes. Did they cremate the cookies? Did they cremate your mother-in-law yet? I assume. I don't know the timing.

I only ask because I'm wondering if you've seen the ashes yet. I haven't, no. Are you going to do anything to them? We don't have it planned out. We did pick and earn, and I guess it's going to sit on my shelf. No! You want to just put them in the prop and scatter them around North Carolina? You're going to keep them in the house?

You're not going to bury the ashes? Oh, shucks. I don't know. I thought that was the normal thing to do. You're going to keep them in the house? You're not going to bury the ashes? Oh, shucks. I don't know. I thought that was the normal thing to do. There is going to be a service in like six months. Only in the movies. Scatter them. Usually people tell you where they want them to go.

And if they don't, I guess you just keep them in a jar at your house. Or you decide where they go. You be the final resting place decider. Honestly, I think it's bizarre. No offense to anyone who's going to. If you keep your grandmother's ashes in your house Cool, but it's bizarre to me to keep the ashes of a dead person in your house Like like when my grandmother died and we cremated her like we didn't do it

We didn't like set it we didn't make a fire in the backyard. We got her creepy metal. Mm-hmm, right? We buried those and her, you know Gravestone or whatever that she had picked out years in advance but like keeping them in your house just seems weird right you know what i anticipate like so like so many other positions at first it's like yes you know this is my mother-in-law and you know it's a thing and and like it's highly valued and it goes in like a prime spot that you look by and you remember her and then like 15 years later it's like oh well i huh i guess we're just keeping these forever like at some point somebody will

throw them away right that's a thing like oh dude is mike is her grandkid gonna keep them on her shelves great great grandkid throw them away what do you do like i guess you could like scatter them or something yeah you scatter i don't know i haven't thought this What do you do? I guess you could like scatter them or something. Yeah, you scatter them. I don't know, I haven't thought this through. You want Granny living in the land field? Well that's kind of poetic, right? Because then, you know, the landfill gets

covered up over time and then they're probably gonna make a park over it. And then Granny is helping. No, but it's just ashes. She's not providing it. Bugs are walking by the ashes going, is this food? Ah, it's just ashes. She's not providing bugs are walking by the ashes going is this food. Oh, it's just trash Just trash laying on I think like I think you should send that to bereavement cookie calm And they'll use it in the cake mix or the cookie dough and then you can eat your grandma They're so oh if I burned Kyle if Kyle died and I burned him all the way down to the ashes

and then burned his bones down, there's no way I could fit that in a little pot. There would be way more ashes than that. And after I scoop Kyle out and decide what parts I put in there, I of course throw the rest away. I'm the mortician or guy at the crematorium or whatever. Also, I'm not

going to be on my hands and knees scrubbing that thing. And so really, when you get ashes ashes how do you know you're not getting like an amalgamation of a bunch of other people you probably are they're not allowed to do that i'm so sorry i'm participating in this topic at all who's gonna stop them here's what i want no no what if you did this with the ashes these aren't my grandma's ashes yeah you could mix them with mortar and, like, do some sort of brick masonry so she's there forever in, like, the driveway or, like, a fireplace or something, right? Yeah, you're going to have to take this down and start over. Grandma's not OSHA certified, turns out, so you're going to have to go to fucking Home Depot and buy some more shit. Or if you want to do... You're going to be mortaring with old lady remains.

And, look, I'm always talking about wanting to eat a person, and I'm totally down. If you want to send us all a little bit of those ashes, I'll eat some. Oh, no, I'm going to only eat a cooked person. I will mix those. No matter how much of those ashes you send me, I will mix it up with chocolate milk, and I'll eat it on the show.

I would not. And then she will live with me forever. Until I die. I am not in this topic. Woody wrote all these jokes before the show. What the fuck?

This is sick shit. You think I would say this voluntarily? I don't want to eat grandma. I do though. I would eat your grandma if you sent me a little bit of her. I would put her with some Nestle Quick, and I would drink that happily. If I die unexpectedly, let it be known I want my ashes sent to Kyle, and you have to drink them on show.

I'll drink them on show. I'll do a line. All of them. You have to do a line of Taylor. I'll scratch up a rail of Taylor, and I'll snort it right on the show. I don't care. Like, absolutely. Taylor ashes?

I hope they're not gritty, though. What if there's, like, big chunks of bone in there? You get a big chunk? You could rim it like a margarita glass. Just rim it with ashes. There's a lot of shit you could do. That's the reason I don't want to be cremated I would rather be buried

cause then at least everything's staying where it's supposed to be and then you just slowly rot and you actually do feed all the bugs and the worms and everything no you don't that's uh that's false because how could that possibly be false? because they pump you full of those chemicals that embalming fluid and stuff, and

so that you don't rot and the bugs don't eat you. You just stay there, sort of preserved. Is that a requirement? What, you're gonna have a funeral four days after you die and you're gonna not be? Yeah, if you don't do it, you'll be smelling at the funeral. Like, if they don't get to your body and, like, suck all

the fluids out and, like, inject you with that embalming fluid like You know the funeral is usually three, five days, sometimes ten days afterwards if you gotta get family in or whatever You'll be smelling I wonder if they have to do that There's gotta be a better way There's gotta be something better Like what can you get planted and like grow into a tree or some shit

There's gotta be a service that's better than this I like that I like that I like to be here If they would've- if my wife would be like woody it doesn't look good i'm gonna get the tractor i'm gonna dig a hole now and then you know as soon as you stop breathing you're going in i'd be like yeah that that's a suitable ending for me i'm down it's just me though i like no one's bombing it is a thing yeah a bios or a bios earn so they

put your ashes ostensibly in there. Really? It's you along with the last 12 people who happened to die in your county. We're all putting that little area. And then you become a tree later at years and years after everyone has forgotten about you. And this company is long out of business. And so cool. And then you get that is pretty nice.

Honestly, but that's not cool enough. I don't want to I don't want them to make a tree with the ashes. I want them to take me and like form me into a tree. And like, the trees. No, listen, listen,

they put the seed up my butthole and like, and like stand me up with like some lattice work. And then the tree grows out of me and I become like a horrifying rose tree or something like that. Like a rose tree. Yeah. Well, you know, something beautiful, right?

Like a Japanese cherry or something like that. Something that's... Kyle will be vain even post-death. Yeah, I don't want to be like a con tree or something. So it's going to come out of you? It's just going to start coming out of you at some point? Yeah. But then you decompose.

Your bones are going to. With a seed in his ass that turns into a Japanese cherry. Yeah, but then you're not going to stay there. You put a lattice work around me. Like the way you do, like, a tomato plant, how it's got that structure around it. You do that with me and, like, form me into, like, I don't know, like a, like, walk like an Egyptian pose or something like that. plant, how it's got that structure around it. You do that with me and form me into, I don't know, walk like an Egyptian pose or something like that. Whatever.

Nobody's going to want you in their yard. Maybe like a Heisman thing. Whatever. Oh, people would want me in their yard. There's some people who would want me in their yard. I guarantee. I'd put Kyle in my yard for free. I'm not going to pay, but then there's somebody out there that would do like five bucks, and there might be somebody who's ten. You don't have to pay. I mean, I'd put Kyle in my yard for free. I'm not going to pay. But then there's somebody out there that would do like five bucks.

And there might be somebody that's 10. You don't have to pay. I'm free. I'm free. I just want to be, you know, there for posterity, you know. And so future generations can look upon me. You know, if I wake up and your grotesque, malformed, disgusting, you know, totem of yourself is in my front lawn, I will pay to have it removed. Actually, I'll just burn it myself.

And then I'll just let the ashes blow where they may you know like i'm yeah i'd rather be very normal and then just don't pump me full of formaldehyde or whatever it is just let me go in au naturel have the the funeral five or six days later by that time i'm pretty ripe people are gonna have to come to the funeral and pretend like it's not really, really gross and awful. And, like, they'll be talking to people and be like, man, he was such a great guy, you know. Yeah, he was. Yeah, he was. What was he eating? Something crawling out of his mouth.

He smells like Gouda. Did you know his last wish was me made made into a tree? No I said probably get away with dying and being like cured as like a meat and then you could give it to Kyle He could actually eat it. I know that's more real. Is that legal though? Like like like why would it be? You're you're your own person. I could come out my arm and give it to you. Yeah, definitely true I'm not sure that's true at all You're your own person. I could cut off my arm and give it to you. That's definitely true. I'm not sure that's true at all.

Wait, are you saying cut off my arm and give it to him? Cannibalism might be illegal somewhere. Yeah, yeah. Find out if I can eat a person. Is cannibalism legal if everyone's cool with it. That's how it's phrased in the legal text. Oh, here it is. If both consent and the act is non-lethal,

then I do believe it is... Then I do believe... Why is this the top one? Oh, that is not... That's not the district attorney of blah, blah, blah. Those are PKA laws right there. This is some guy sitting under a skin lamp typing late at night. That I kind trying to think.

Otherwise, I'd be in a world of trouble. Look, I would absolutely eat a person. I don't get the big deal. Meat is meat. From what I hear, we taste like pork and I love pork. You have to cook it well. I'm bacon. Like have to cook it well. It gets dry quickly.

Like the belly meat? Imagine you see a guy or a girl that's got a really ripped belly. Imagine slices of that lengthwise and now that's bacon. That's what bacon is. It's the pork belly. You know? That sounds pretty good.

T-I-L. I would so much rather eat a nice Kyle's arm sausage than look even for a week at your contorted body ruining my front yard wrapped around a rose tree.

Terrifying the neighborhood children. It was great for Halloween. At first I thought it was a prank. You could do that. You could only put me out during Halloween. How about that? Every year, he's a little worse. His skin's coming off the bone.

Sorry about his left forearm. It's been three years. I die in December, so it's not going well. Just put your ruined body. Kyle, that's like the... I can't imagine what I'd rather not be made to do. I'd rather be heaved into a dumpster

than somebody post-mortem crucifying me into awkward poses. I'd love it. I'd love to be utilized in such a manner rather than just thrown into the ground to kind of rot in a $10,000 casket. You know, it's absurd. No, use me for something. Prop me up.

Do you think you, like, how would you feel about, like, setting it up beforehand where it's like, all right, when I die, you know, friends, I want you to find some news story going around that day in the area, take me up in a plane or a helicopter, and just, oh, just heave me out. But you have to dress me up like I was going skydiving that day. Because otherwise, you're like, where the fuck did this guy come from? Like, no, you have to have that on there.

So when you land, they're like, oh, my God. We're deployed. What did you say? It's full of cheese. What if you put me in, like, a NASA outfit and, like, scorched it really well before you threw me out So there's like a Boy Scout jamboree going on, like some predictable news story. Some sort of segue. And you drop Kyle.

Oh, shit. I would love that. I would love that. Like, we're just meat. We're just big bags of meat. We should get their cremation badge. Yeah. There's another, that's another business there.

You know, your loved ones maybe don't want a traditional burial, so we're here to help you plan the best way out. You're just like a burial services team. Creates creative and fun ways to go out. Yes, creativefunerals.org. Get that, Chiz, right now. I could backfire cool funerals. Like, alright, have you seen that giant cannon that they have in the circus that they shoot people out of? Yes!

I've always wanted to get shot out of one of those cannons. Apparently, it's proprietary, like, technology they used to do it. And no one knows, really, exactly how it works. I want to shoot bodies out of one of those cannons, right? Let it soften up a little first. Then you fire it at 200 miles per hour like a brick wall. It just splatters. That's one hell of a show. I'd watch that. I'd watch that show.

Just bodies hurled into a brick wall at 200 miles per hour. I'd watch a lot of fucked up shows. If they did public executions on TV, I'd tune in for sure. Imagine how much better that would be than Beyonce during the halftime Super Bowl show. Alright right, all right.

Thanks for coming to the Patriots-Broncos game. We've got a couple of convicted rapists coming up. And then they parade them out, execute them. You get to fan vote. Text 888 to whatever, whatever. If you want him to be burned alive or if you want him to be skinned. Press 6 for guillotine. The most fucked up part of that is you had the Patriots

and the Broncos in the Super Bowl. That can't happen. You're right. That can't happen. Sorry. Someone's got to call out Taylor on his bullshit. That's not true! We're in the same conference, you fuck! That's interesting. I think I'm just going to go the normal be buried route but if there

is an option to be fired out of a cannon to be thrown off a building to be could i eat you would you be okay with me consuming you a little of you i got you mean you're you'd feed me for like like a lot of man. I'd be like a whole summer if I ate a whole... Oh, is that a fat joke? There's just a lot to go around. Like, you know, whenever you kill a deer, it feels... Jesus, you could do that to me. Like, how many skulls did I clean out? I think it'd be a little off-putting with you mounted on the wall, though. Just...

You could put my hands in an aggressive pose like an animal. Yeah. You know what a jackalope is? It's when they taxidermy you. I'd put deer antlers on you. I'd make you some sort of weird fucking scary thing. Yeah. Oh, you could be an elf.

You've always wanted... We could turn you into an elf or an orc. Oh, I'd be fine with that. Yeah. I'd be fine if they used me as an extra, like for a dead body in a movie, as like a fun fact thing. So they could later be like, hey, did you know that guy's actually dead? And I'd be like, no shit, he was just a great extra. You know that there is a real human skull in the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disney? It's the, uh, it's a skull mounted on top of a bed. Uh, and they just- that's a skull mounted on top of a bed.

That's a real one. It was donated there and all the rest are fake. Disney's kind of fucked up. How did someone... I bet it's a Jewish skull. You think it's a Jewish skull? Knowing Disney, it probably is. Yeah, yeah.

Walt Disney hated the Jews. Great kids movies. Great kids movies. It probably is yeah, yeah, yeah Walt Disney hated the Jews. Yeah, he did Whenever they saw him out he's gonna wreak havoc I heard something about like that whole thing We're uh where people and actors will be like oh when I die use my skull and Hamlet So that I'm always on the stage or whatever and apparently like all around the world Acting troops or whoever organizes theaters are like, you can't anymore. We've got so many skulls of failed thespians just sitting around. I'm sorry. No, we're turning down skull donations.

I thought that was interesting. It was. I've been trying to get this topic up on my computer twice. Apparently, I don't have the PC power. I need to update. Bandwidth. It's not bandwidth. I've got gigabit internet, but I can't record the stream, stream the stream, and open videos at the same time.

It's too much. Yeah, I know. But I've got this awesome topic. I can drop it in the chat directly so you guys can see it without me like showing it to you um this poor disabled man do you see talk about that can we wait no no read the read the the the the hook first go ahead i can't open it why is his penis so big? And is it really the largest in the world? Yeah.

Okay. I have to go from memory. Oh my god. Look at the picture. Look at the picture. Look closely at that. Holy shit. This guy told me that I had a problem with my PC.

I do. Alright, so this is a Sun article. All right, I'm gonna show it this guy told me that I had a problem with my my PC All right All right, so this is a Sun article the Sun UK tabloid I think this guy is wearing like He's wearing yellow pants Wearing a yellow from pub G and his dick is literally down to his knee It is literally down to his knee. It is literally down to his knee. You can see it. Why does it look like that? It doesn't look like a dick.

It's got ace bandages on it. The head of it is covered in pantyhose. There's no evidence this is an actual penis. There's several doctors who weigh in on it. Apparently, it's a very strange penis. I feel like I don't know enough about penises to dispute this, kind of like the trash in the stars thing, but the guy's

got like a six inch penis, and the rest of it is just extra skin. And the doctor said, hey, we should remove this, make it better, you can have a normal sex life, you won't have to file for disability, you can be a regular person. And he's like, nah, I think I like the giant cock

so you're right look at this right here it says uh he began with his this enlargement since the doctor says he began with this enlargement since he was a teenager wrapping some bands around his penis with some weights to try and stretch it uh although the experts who examine him believe uh believe the bulk of his 19 point inch meat is foreskin. So basically he's got a bunch of stretched out skin and scar tissue surrounding a very normal penis. Like that. Why would you do this to yourself?

How unwieldy is that? Incredibly. Every time he pisses, he has to wring out the foreskin. He has to pinch it and pull it to the end. He's wringing out 19 inches of foreskin. He has to pinch it and pull it to the end. He's wringing out 19 inches. Yeah, yeah.

He gets your thumbs and wrinkle up those last little bits of toothpaste. You know when you have the piss driblets for after you pee, when you put your underwear back up and you're like, goddammit, a couple drips came out. This guy is like three ounces of pee

will just like come out of his foreskin and chop it off this is like dude think about that try like damaging yourself stretching your skin getting that much scar tissue there that's like kyle you're like man i want to have huge biceps but i don't want to lift weights i'm going to make cuts all over my arm and then i'm going to let that scar up and they get raised and then i'm going to cut again and i'm going to make a bunch of scar tissue and lieu of just it being happy with myself hey like this guy's mental you know hence the maybe little stick to my getting ripped all makes sense now yeah yes he's not circumcised then huh the opposite like the opposite yeah no just

put a little on the top. Keep adding to it. Dude, Amazon just stopped selling their circumcision practice kit. Are you guys not familiar with that? I'm sorry, what? I'm sorry, what? Wait, who do you practice on? It's the kit. I'm sorry, what?

Yeah, yeah. So if you're interested in doing like, I don't know. Maybe you want to be like an amateur circumcision guy. Like you're an entrepreneur opening your own business. It's a circumcision training kit. They used to sell on Amazon for like $400. Then you could circumcise the thing on the kit so that you at home can build your circumcision skills maybe to practice on people later on. Well, you do want practice before you begin, right? Like, you don't want a sloppy job there.

Like, I've seen in porno, like, some real sloppy jobs, and I'm like, oh, God. Oh, they should have left that thing alone. Right. Yeah, that's why there should be no circumstance. Like, can you imagine if Amazon was like, Amazon has removed their clit scissors

that they were selling. You know, they've become very big in some areas of the UK. In the Middle East, they were booming. Number one bestseller. I must recommend it. You know, that kind of thing. But like now, but like it's so normal here to just chop off the tip of a boy's dick. Like, I don't know.

That's the one that never makes sense to me. I know Kyle is of the variety of, oh, it can look better. But it's like, you don't make biological decisions. Mushrooms over rocket ships any day. Well, if you didn't tend to yourself, you'd look like a goddamn caveman, Taylor. Your back would be a mane. You'd have a giant beard that goes from your eyeballs down to your ball fro. I do take care of myself.

You'd be a wilderness person. So it's okay to adjust things from their natural state. No, I'm 100% pro-circumcision. None of us throw stones at braces, so why would you throw stones at circumcision? They're really just a different kind of cosmetic surgery. Braces are correcting something by moving them in the right place.

Circumcision is going, you don't need this! And then chopping it off, and then the little baby goes, do I need it? I'm one day old, you cunt! This is coming... Does the baby call you a cunt? No, cunt.

A cunt. Baby came out of the womb getting super alpha has this baby been on 4chan already he's calling him a cunt that makes way more sense and then people will be like oh but some people get that foreskin that's like ant eater nose shit and they can't even fix it and it's like well then send

that guy to the doctor and he can get it taken care of the other 999,999 people let him keep eat or nose shit and they can't even fix it. And it's like, well, then send that guy to the doctor and he can get it taken care of. The other 999,999 people, let them keep their dick skin. No, I don't want it. People in the UK don't have to jack off with lotion because they have dick skin. Think about that. No, I'm

very happy that the decision was made. If you are using lotion and need lotion, I'm declaring you an amateur. Thank you! I have jerked my dick enough to know how to do it without lotion. Sometimes you don't have the luxury of a quality amount of lotion.

I would rather not masturbate than not use some kind of lubricant. Always wet platinum. 100% of the time. That's rookie talk. Step up those... I could do without. Okay? So you just are all sticky and you just have that post-wet

platinum glidy feel all night? I got no problem with that. And if I were to go back to it later, it's still lubed up, right? It really is. To be fair, we're also talking to the one person out of all of us, I believe, that has a blowjob machine.

That's not true. No, it's not. Wait, not true that you're not the only one? We all got the blowjob machine. How many of you actually use it? All of us used it. Yeah. What, you think you're going to have a blowjob machine and not

fuck it? You're being a little judgmental, Jericho. I'm not being judgmental. I was trying to lessen the blow here, okay? If you weren't for the noise of that thing, it would have been much more usable. But the noise itself, you felt like you were in a car wash. I liked Kyle's declaration.

It's like, look, don't come in here unless you want to see some robotic blowjob going on. It's a warning, right? Like, we should have a red light outside the bedroom door so that people know, don't walk in here. That's what yang, yang, yang, yang is. But it's also

like an audible reminder as you're sitting there with your dick in a blowjob robot that you're like, I am a degenerate. What is... What would the founding father say? What would the founding father say? Ix- What would the founding fathers- I was born too soon, is what they would say.

He's like, God damn, we're gonna go. This beats Redwood Teeth. They'd say, have you not a Negress? What? A Negress? In my day. Oh, Thomas Jefferson is like, We're on Twitch! We're not on YouTube!

I am the Flowtop Machine! Where is your slave? Do we need a new topic? Oh, no. Its name is Toby. Oh. Kuta Kinte. Just suck the dick. Just suck the dick. Second Amendment talking?

Are we going somewhere with the blowjob robot thing? Go on. To Tucker? Sorry. I'm sorry. You derailed it. Sorry. Sorry.

What were we talking about? Where's the next segment? We've been... You brought up something about blowjob robots. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I jumped. Sorry.

We were talking about... Oh, yeah. No, you were just saying that you were using lube. And I was just making a comment saying, Kyle doesn't settle for just any jerk-off session. Absolutely, no. Don't start something unless you mean business, right?

You do everything 100%. Do you light the candles? I do light the candles, absolutely. Turn on a little jazz. Jazz? Like freeform jazz? Like elevator jazz? I like a clarinet in the background, just kick it. Asking for a friend, is Justin Bieber weird? like elevator jazz. I like a clarinet in the background. Asking for a friend.

Is Justin Bieber weird? Yes. Baby, baby. Oh, the jerk. Woody only likes the early beats. He's way too old now. After baby, he's sold out. Asking for a friend. I said asking for a friend i said asking for a friend yeah i don't so kyle you you light a

candle you get some nice like freeform jazz going and then and then you get your wet platinum to the side do you have your like clean up towel or implement where's that oh yes yes i i see like in like popular culture and like movies they've always had a kleenex i produce such a volume that a kleenex is just not adequate i i i don't know if that's just like a myth or that's just what tv writers like to throw in there or if people are out there are actually yeah yeah kleenex it's all tech no i use a full-sized bath towel like like like it's gonna i've got a bath towel over there that could populate a small african country right because i don't wash it until it's until i i yeah i don't wash it i don't wash it until it's just a crumpled up ball that's just solid. Like you try to pull it apart and it just bites against you.

If you drop it and a piece chips off... God dammit, I lost a corner of my towel! It just shatters like a wine glass. Bob sledding on your towel, holy shit. A paper towel, you don't settle for the paper towel? No, that's far too rough. After that, you're very sensitive. And I don't want a bounty quicker picker-upper on there, like being all rough.

I don't know, man. The brawny man is going nowhere near my cock. Because I'm going to want to grab it and get any residue off and clean. I don't want everything to go. I have emotion. Just grab everything and pull away. Just pull away as I clean up afterwards. And I don't want everything to go... I have emotion. Just grab everything and pull away. Just pull away as I clean up afterwards. I don't need that.

The brawny man is... That's just far too absorbent. No. How about you, Tucker D? What's your setup? I'm going to say, honestly, I do prefer the loop when I have it, but sometimes the Girls Gone Wild commercial comes on and you're on your couch and the loop's over there

And you're just like... You're like, I've got 35 seconds! Those steel drums going off Oh shit! Oh shit, it's the long info! I got three minutes and forty seconds I got three minutes! You got three minutes! The worst part got three minutes- You got three minutes.

The worst part was when you're getting closer, you're like, I know it's about to wrap up, but I think I can do it. I've got another fifteen minutes before it comes back on again. Like, what do I do? Just- You just gotta do the ambient jerk, you know? Yeah. It's like watching the internet work, and like, who in the morning, like, Howard Stern

would be on, and then you'd hear that steel jump. Oh, shit. in the morning, like Howard Stern would be on, and then you'd hear that steel drum bing bing bing bing bing oh shit I totally, Kyle, I'm so glad that you said the steel drum thing, because when I was like 13 or 14, like when like I'd be laying in bed and like my TV would be on, like just like in my bedroom

like not really paying attention, like facing the other way and I'd hear the bing bing bing bing bing bing and I'd be like, like your dick starts moving like a Pavlovian training, like you start slobbering a little bit. Like a serpent timer. Yeah, and as soon as you see the dude who ran it

getting back on the tour bus, you're like, I got fucking 30 seconds to finish this up. Because he's about to look at one more girl's tits with little stars over them and then that's about it.

She and some other girl are going to make out. I thought so many times about being like, if I went and stole my parents' credit card and ordered all these, how much trouble would I get in? I didn't even think, could I get away with it?

I thought, how much trouble would I get in? Let me lay this out there for you. My observation has been, when I'm 15, I think 15-year-olds are hot. When I'm 18, 18. 25, 25, etc. Now that I am 44, I am thirsting for the Girls Gone Wild

Where Are They Now edition. I want to see the women that they grew into. There's one in particular that was mega hot. She lifted her shirt and you're just like, wow, that's beyond perfection. I wonder what she looks like today.

I'm quite curious. Most of them made a lateral move into cops, I think, at some point. Getting arrested or prostitution or something. To stay in the reality. These girls, they'd be like, oh, we're on spring break. But these girls weren't studying. They were not preparing. Who studies on spring break?

Nobody even called out. I didn't even think I called out as a kid. It was the middle of October, and they're like spring break edition i didn't that was a cognitive dissonance there i was like well it's it's the middle of the fall guys nobody's on spring break how old are these titties like they were probably re-sung the same titties from like years and years and years and i mean but the video preserved them in their peak form so that's what we care about you know can look at porn from 1950 and still like it, even knowing that everyone there is long dead. Ah, dude, they suck at sex in 1950.

It used to be that nudes got out and they ruined your life, right? Like, oh my god, you're on the internet, it never goes away. Now that's changed. Now there is so much porn on the internet that it just gets lost in a sea of internet. It's piss in the ocean that you can't find again. It's just scattered about there. Oh, no, you can find the nudes. But you remember, like, what was it, the fappening? When all the celebrity nudes got leaked? I saw Hope Sella's butthole. That butthole is in my mind forever.

Damn it, I missed it. I mean, it's still around. I'm sure you can find hope still in this asshole. I don't care that much. Do you seriously have it on your phone? I mean, you want to preserve them. You know, like, in case there was like a big sweep, and all of a sudden I couldn't see, like, hope. I want to get those buttholes, you know, for posterity.

My children... You're on state drive. to get those buttholes, you know, for posterity. My children... My adopted Japanese children need to see those buttholes in the future. This is the butthole that won women's soccer the gold in 2012. And then beat her husband. Wow, Grandpa, he's telling the butthole story

again. This woman was in a movie called Hunger Times or something. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It's good. It doesn't matter. She's hot.

The ones that made out of that all right were the ones that stood up and were like, that's my titties. Like, yeah. And they just owned it. I feel like that's the only way to get out ahead and come out ahead in that. Is to just own it. Like yes, that's me. Those are mine. Not like have your legal team try and scrub the internet of your boobs.

It didn't really work for iFlyingLinux. No, but different times. Very different times I feel. He had a, that one, that was. That sounds familiar. I don't remember who that is. He exposed Raw Instinct for stealing T-Mart's videos. He did.

And then he got kicked out of the military for being on Chatterbait. And then his wife found out and then left him. It was really a sad story, yeah. So here's the deal. He went to, who's the Illini? Illinois, right? The flying Illini or something like that. Yeah. And he was studying to be a pilot.

I think he was in the Air Force, could have been Navy, one of those. And he had like got accepted into pilot school. So like he was going to live his dream. It was right there. It was going to happen. He was a YouTuber and he had gotten a lot of like publicity because he made this viral video that Jericho called out where he called out, what was his name? Mad Max? Raw Instinct.

Raw Instinct, yeah. I think his real name was Max. Anyway, he called out Raw Instinct for copying T-Mart's video with all this proof that you couldn't deny. And he was sort of hitting it big in the COD scene. But to make a few extra bucks, he went on Chatterbait. And he was doing great like he was crushing it on chatterbait he was as successful as the girls were which is wildly successful for guy

and um uh partly he was making some extra money on the side partly it was a big ego boost to have that many people into you as a guy whereas normally It's a lot of gay men, though, right? Yeah. He said it wasn't, but you know what? Gay men have perfectly good vision. Yeah, I'm sure that ChatterBait has a Google Analytics function where you can be like, oh, let me find a demographic. It's totally not gay. No, there's nothing gay about it. It's not like the dick is coming through your webcam

and you've got to suck it a little while. No, he's putting on a show for anyone who might want to take all of this in i'm on team kyle with this one and yeah but i thought it wasn't him i'd only seen very small pictures of him and he looked real thin break it in whereas on in the in the masturbation video he was kind of a bulky like he was strong he's a guy who clearly lifted weights so i was like that's not even the same guy. Even made a video saying that it wasn't him. And did we do a dual comm on it where we talked about it, Kyle? Well, we did. Yeah. And both of us thought it wasn't him. Apparently I was on BKA with him. So we both made a video saying it's not him. We looked at it, you know, this guy's not as strong, et cetera. And I remember Kyle had a line that really,

he's like, you know what? I've got 20 cop friends who look just like that. Everybody else with that short haircut. It was high and tight. You could see how he just looked like so many other dudes in the same high and tight sort of military look. Turns out it was him. People did analytics

on the room. He had this purple couch. The purple couch that was really not a common thing. Fuck him over, man! Couching the door. Yeah, this purple couch. The purple couch that was really not a common thing. Fuck him over, man! The couch and the door. Yeah, yeah, the doorknob. People found the exact doorknob. But the door, it was that run-of-the-mill brass doorknob that you see everywhere.

Like the Contractor Special. I was like, dude, my Apex house had like 12 doorknobs just like that one. I didn't consider that proof. But the purple couch was such a giveaway. And yeah, what he told me was that – who's the guy? Obviously, Jesus. Obviously, Jesus wrote his wife.

His wife had a YouTube account, and she wrote him a YouTube – I don't even know if it still does, but you can write messages to people. Well, her email was integrated, so he wrote her a message saying, your husband's doing this. It pops up on her phone, and that was how she learned. I can't believe it. Obviously, Jesus was the one that brought him down all these years later.

Oh, my God. I didn't know that, actually. Wow. Yeah, because I talked to Raw Instinct a bunch about it in private when he was going through the deepest part of it. Wow. Chatterbait is just a site for cam whores, right? Or cam people. Cam people.

There are some people that game on Chatterbait now. Straight up. I love that. And then as it gets going, they'll get naked for it like chatterbait is more pg sometimes on twitch which is dope i'm gonna go to chatter i've never been there before and i'm gonna see what this is i have some chatterbait plans of my own i like taylor and i have discussed you know our doing a do a prostitute trip maybe and like eating hot wings uh tucker see maybe you've seen where they'll put sushi on like

a japanese woman and you'll go eat i want to do that but i want to get like a really obese black lady and i want to cover her and fried chicken and and taylor and i will have like a hot wing eating contest off of her body like eating them as fast as we can and i want to do that but there's the only place for that is chatterbait right like right? I feel like you made it a little racist, though. Yeah! You're gonna have some watermelon on her, too? Why did you have to do that? Yeah, why'd it have to be a black woman with fried chicken? Well, it's hot wings. Well, I'm gonna do whatever Kyle says.

Alright, let me ask you. Nobody said it was racist to eat sushi off of a Japanese woman, but all of a sudden it's racist to eat fried chicken off of a black woman? I don't see it. That's a strong point, actually. Honestly, i don't care what race the person is i'd rather eat the fried chicken off of somebody than the uh the sushi it's funnier and it's gonna be really really hot how can you call me a racist when i'm eating food off of a black woman like a racist wouldn't do that that's fair you make a lot of is there a race of person other than irish that you would not eat food off of kyle i wouldn't do that. That's fair. You make a lot of strong points here. Is there a race of person other than Irish that you

would not eat food off of, Kyle? I wouldn't want to eat off of an Indian person. Dots, not feathers. What if they were Indian and, like, but they were, like, they grew up in, like, Cincinnati and they're, like, a... No. No. Well, do they eat, like, their, like, mother's cooking and stuff?

Like, do they have that curry sweat? Uh, do you want them to? No. Well, it's seasoning and stuff? Do they have that curry sweat? Do you want them to? No. Well, it's seasoning, right? Second-hand curry? Slightly used curry? Oh, there seems to be a 24th spice in this KFC.

It's saying it's cumin. We were having fun with Hope. So Hope is a... Alright, we're watching Ultimate Beastmaster, right? And if you don't know this show, it's on Netflix, and it's a lot like American Ninja Warrior where you jump from obstacle to obstacle. Anyway, the announcers mentioned that this guy who was doing particularly good on the obstacles was a Chinese monkey.

So my wife and I just started calling all the competitors monkeys, which Hope was fine with until a black guy came on. And we're like, look at that monkey go. And suddenly now Hope's feathers are ruffled, which was totally intentional. And good times. That's about it. And we did the same thing Kyle did. We're like, you know, we have called a Chinese because they're nationalities.

Like they're not Americans who are these things. They're actually Chinese. They're actually Indian. Now I'm noticing Kyle beginning to vehemently disagree. Don't bring me into this disgusting racist display. I was on your team.

I was on your team. Just because I want to eat some wild wings off of a woman named Monique does not make me... You, sir, are the racist. That is disgusting. I'm ashamed to be part of'm ashamed so like the competitors from china america whatever it wasn't until we got to a black guy called him a monkey that they were like oh my god i i'm not crazy how that works right it's like when i said all these things that weren't

horrible and offensive she was fine and then i said something awful and she was like, oh, come on, Dad. Wait, you're leaving me too on this? Man, I don't know why Chinese Monkey is fine. The announcer said it. Doesn't that just, no? Oh, but they don't get offended. They don't care if they're a little bit racy. They don't mind. Chinese Monkey does sound racist, actually, though.

Because I was watching the Pacific the other day. Obviously, it's the Japanese. But as they're fighting the Japanese, they're calling them yellow monkeys. And I remember thinking, that's awfully racist. Dirty yellow monkeys! And killing them with a flamethrower.

I remember thinking, that's pretty harsh. Well, now that we've gotten to yellow monkey talk, let me tell everyone a little bit about SmartMouth. Because bad breath is nasty. What? That's not funny.

Bad breath is nasty. Not funny. If you eat some curry off of a yellow monkey, you're going to have bad breath. Bad breath is nasty, embarrassing, and a major problem in both the boardroom and the bedroom. Most people still don't know the true cause of bad breath. Instead, relying on

ineffective low-tech methods like gum or mist to simply mask that odor. But when you smell bad breath, you're actually smelling volatile sulfur compounds, also called sulfur gas. Germs in your mouth consume protein and produce those foul-smelling gases as a form of waste. Gross. SmartMouth is the only activated oral rinse clinically proven to eliminate

existing bad breath and prevent the return of sulfur gas for a full 12 hours per rinse. Smart Mouth comes in a two-chamber bottle. Taylor, do you have your prop handy? Oh, yes, the two-chamber bottle there. It comes in a two-chamber bottle. One side contains a clear sulfur

eliminator and the other contains a green zinc ion activator. The eliminator and activator are kept separate until you pour, at which point the two liquids combine and activate. The sulfur eliminator gets rid of existing bad breath and that activator releases billions of zinc ions, which bind to those germs and block the

germs' ability to consume protein or produce smelly sulfur gas for 12 hours. No sulfur gas, no bad breath. If you want to solve a real problem, you need real science, not a minty cover-up. Nobody wants to be the guy with bad breath, and now you never will be again. Find SmartMouth at Walmart, Walgreens, CVS, Target, Amazon, or your favorite shop. Or visit them online at SmartMouth.com to get an in-depth analysis of how SmartMouth is able to deliver such an incredible result. Remember to use code PAINKILLER when you visit SmartMouth.com for free shipping today.

Use code PAINKILLER when you visit smartmouth.com for free shipping today. Taylor, I noticed on the subreddit there were some people that I can only describe as fucking retarded who didn't know how the two-chamber bottle worked. They're like, how do you get an even amount of both chambers? It's actually a revolutionary pouring technique I like to call forward. You just go like that, and look at that. They're both coming out. When I read these, and they were like, yeah, yeah, how do you do it? I was like, am I being trolled right now?

Are they messing with me? How are you operating your keyboards right now, but you can't operate SmartMouth? I'm ashamed of people. If you can figure out how to stream on Twitch and do all this stuff, you can figure out a dual-chamber mouthwash bottle. Not too complicated, but it really is great. What if I squeeze one side too hard? You don't squeeze either side.

You don't squeeze it at all. You just tip it. You just tip it and it comes out. What if I squeeze one side too hard? You haven't squeeze either side. You don't squeeze it at all. You just tip it. You just tip it and it comes out. What if I squeeze one side too hard? You haven't answered the question. Have you ever accidentally been like, I need a little bit of ketchup for my fries, and then you go, the whole thing?

No, you haven't. Because you'd go, oh, that's enough ketchup. So you just tip it and it'll come out. Very, very similar to most things you've poured. Go in that direction. Holy shit, but bad breath, not good breath. Taylor? You're single.

You need to have a massive breath. Taylor's breaking up a little bit. That time, it's not me. Oh, sorry. Yeah, Taylor has imperfect internet, so sometimes that happens. Am better now it seems so you're always great oh tiktoker thank you but anyway you're single get some of this stuff tucker smart mouth he'll get you i should i if anything could probably it's smart mouth a lot a lot of peppered salami breath going on right here.

You know, you're playing this game on veterans. When you eat that cheese, you become nose-blind to how cheesy you smell. I'm sure you've been there, Kyle and Tucker. I burped earlier from the chorizo and it smelled

so goddamn bad I left the room. I've got my gaming like gaming setup in like a tiny little uh little office space on the other side of the house it's really small like like the room gets hot so i like open the windows but i like it because i'm enclosed in there and like nobody can find me but i burped and the whole room started smelling like rotten pepperoni i had to leave i had to leave the room and let like go make a cup of coffee it was disgusting so yeah i did that when i was working out the other day like of course i ate a bunch of meat and cheese before i started working out which is not smart and like i was in the middle of lifting and i like got a nice big burp where i was like

like in the middle of a rep and i had to stop for like five minutes and just be like oh Jesus Christ like I need I had to go use some smart mouth and brush my teeth it was that bad just hot rotten intestine meat not the kind that's still in your stomach the kind that seeped through into the the winding trail of the small intestine oh yeah so we got a letter whichever one's first we got a letter today uh we got a letter today and uh kitty came and read it to me and she's like apparently we have uranium in our water and this is a warning from the water treatment plant that they they legally have to inform us that our water has like 30 parts per million of fucking uranium 30 i'm like i don't have the paper, but apparently 70 is like Scary Town

or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was like 33 in one month and 34 in another and like 40 the next month, which seems to be trending upwards if you ask. I wonder what it is right now. I'm escaping soon. But apparently there's a uranium problem.

And in the letter they're like, Nothing to be alarmed, don't boil your water. And I'm saying like, of course don't boil it. You can't boil out uranium. But wait, wait, what happens if you boil the uranium water? Is it gonna blow? You can't make pasta! Or will it concentrate?

Why do they tell you not to boil the water? Because some people are stupid. And they think that they can move uranium by... But I'm stupid. I boil water. Yeah. You boil water to kill bacteria and viruses, though. You boil water to make pasta.

No, Woody. Like, you're misunderstanding. It said that there's no need to boil your water to use uranium. That's not what she said. That you said don't boil the water. As in, like, hey, here's a warning to you. It's not that deadly, but don't boil the water. As in, like, hey, here's a warning to you. It's not that deadly, but don't boil the water. It's got uranium in it.

Well, in any case, I've been bathing and drinking uranium water for about five years now. Do you feel stronger? Or do you feel weaker? I feel kind of weak, right? That is a question. Does it turn you into Bruce Banner or Incredible Hawk?

That's what Kitty said. She's like, wait, what's in the palace? Yeah, not how to explain. Does it turn you into Bruce Banner or Incredible Hawk? That's what Kitty said. She's like, where's more superpowers? Yeah. I'm like, well, you will be more aerodynamic when all your hair falls out. So there's that. You know, I guess that's sort of a superpower, I guess. How do you even get that? Like, we had a huge Exxon gas leak by my house.

And it was, like, one of the biggest ones in the country's history. And this was, like, 10 years ago. Like, I think it was, like, 500,000 gallons of gas seeped into the ground. And they came by and did a test, and it was, like, three parts per million. And that was enough to have them pay for a, like, charcoal well to be put in because we're on well water. And, like, my mom was freaking out about that. 30 parts per million of uranium sounds a little bit more fucked up. What if Kyle's mutating already and that's why he has enormous amounts of cum?

No, the cum is from Peter North. Yeah, right? Like, paper towels don't do it. I need beach towels and comforters to clean up this mess. 12 roper. Do you guys ever weigh yourself before and after ejaculation? Because I cut weight with this thing.

Somebody lost 50 milliliters. However much cum is, I don't know. I take zinc to boost the volume. Like, I take a zinc supplement. Is that what zinc does? It boosts your seminal fluid volume? Absolutely, absolutely it does.

Yes, it does. How much can you take? And then when do the diminishing returns start? I take the maximum daily allotment, which is two capsules. I don't remember. I looked it up at one point, but I don't know. It was like 125 milligrams a day, and the capsules were like 50 or something each. So I take two of them a day, you know, along with my B vitamins.

Is there a health benefit outside of lots of cum for this? For zinc? Yeah, zinc does this. I think maybe your hair and nails and stuff like that maybe too. But all I know is just – Zinc is what's in SmartMouth that makes it work. Maybe that. If you drink SmartMouth, you'll cum tons.

Yeah, don't drink mouthwash i have drank some smart mouth then and don't drink it don't don't don't drink the smart mouth like don't do that it leaves a coating in your mouth it's like you just waxed it or something like like you you know you do get rid of it but there's still a little there man that's why it keeps working for like a day yep yep but don't drink mouthwash have you ever uh did you know anybody in high school who drank mouthwash there was one or did you it's somebody said there was one and i was i i knew somebody who did uh they we had like you know there's a little like hotel travel ones which are like what like a shot air quotes shot he drank three of them and threw up like very quickly uh he didn't feel anything but we were like dude totally just get drunk off now he threw up pretty quick so i don't know anybody that got drunk or like made a conceited effort to keep it down i think alcohol wasn't

that hard to come by we would just drink alcohol nice. You know how if you eat asparagus, like, it just sort of gets in your whole body and it makes your cum smell and stuff? If you drank the smart mouth, could a girl effectively, like, rinse her mouth out with your cum? With your cum. Yeah.

I mean, we're going to have to get some top chemists on this. Post-haste. Because this sounds like real science that can't be settled within the confines of this call. Can you even trust... I don't know, man. Can you trust scientists? I think it's a thing between bros. You guys gotta all do a closed group experiment on this. A triple case study? Yeah, there's nobody else you guys can trust.

I'm a little worried how we conduct this experiment. A scientist is going to laugh you guys out. They're going to be like, no, we're not testing this. You guys got to take one for the team and really go in there. Wear lab coats if it makes you feel less just for the memes, Ice Poseidon style. It wasn't gay or anything. I had a lab coat on.

It's just for the content, homie. It's for the content. It's just a meme. It's just a meme., homie, it's for the content. It's just a meme, it's just a meme! Suck yay! Bro, it's a copy- That was hilarious. In with my boy in his car, he starts touching my dick, I start laughing, he starts sucking my dick, I'm like, Haha, funny prank, bro.

Comes in my mouth, I'm like, haha, yeah. You're so gay. Yeah, totally, dude. I love to play pranks with friends. Yeah, yeah, dude. I love to play pranks with friends. Totally pranked you. Swallowed all your cum. You didn't expect it. You've been pranked.

Hey, Tucker, I have a Twitch question. Every so often I do something and it makes the thing lag and everyone hits F. I have to pay your respects. Oh my god, I didn't put that together. They're saying that I'm going to that I'm dying. I get it. They're saying the speech is dying.

It's just because you're... What happens is I open a tab and it makes everything lag and they're pressing F to pay respects. I get it. Man, your computer sucks. You haven't upgraded since you stopped making YouTube videos, huh? Words hurt, man. Words hurt.

I'm sorry. You used to be the guy. You used to be the man, and now you can't even open up Chrome tabs. How the mighty have fallen. You're probably right. I even have computer parts I didn't put it together, to which Kyle will totally not respect, because he enjoys putting together computers and will do it in a day. Meanwhile, I

put the task off. Yeah, I'm about to go kill you, PC. She needs one. I've been in the process of ordering her parts, looking for good deals for her. If like seven or eight grand worth of parts just shows up on your doorstop, don't say anything. Just

assemble it, put it back, and the PC fairy will swing by swing i won't be mailing that i won't be mailing that shit back i'll have a nice bitcoin mining operation you're not getting that shit back those things are loud i have a friend who has a miner on it oh are we not i feel like there's like three things that nobody wants to talk about it's like politics and cryptocurrency and. I don't know. I have a friend... I was just going to say, I have a friend who has Bitcoin mining and

Litecoin miner. That thing is the loudest, most obnoxious, and probably most ineffective way to make money. It's just dumb. Don't do that. What if you have access to free electricity, though? Really, how much money are you trying to make here because it's not pennies on it you're not yeah you're not you're not making you're not getting

rich okay all right anyways well we won't talk about any of those are you getting rich on crypto it seems like we always have a guest on no uh i have crypto i don't care enough like it's it's fine like it god i i hate it when people are like, so I made some gains today, and I see this nice flag correction coming up, so you got to kill it. No, I just bought some, and then it's going to sit there for 20 years.

If it makes money, great. Cool. I hope. I bought in at $8,000, and then at $14,000, I got a little nervous, so I got out. And I was like, all right, cool. I got to win.

That's fine by me. And then after it hit 14 it immediately hit 19. Like a day and a half later. I didn't quite time it right. Has it gone back down yet? Or is it still going up? It went down some

but it's still above 14 when I looked. I don't know. Only way to win is to never sell until you make stupid money. That's the plan. Just buy it and go away and forget about it. I got that ledger thing.

All the people you hear of putting their life savings into Bitcoin though, it's like what the fuck are you thinking? I sold a kidney for I sold a kidney for I? Need for one Bitcoin I tweeted that I said I was like man when it was like because the Bitcoin memes are almost funnier than Like anybody talking about it, and I was like once once it started hitting that that spike

I was like yo, I just sold my kidneys can't process toxins out of my urine anymore slowly dying But I got two Bitcoin, so I'm feeling really good about these gains, guys. I feel really good. Use the Bitcoin hashtag so it gets put up on the top because I verify. People are really upset with that. A couple more weeks like this, I'll be able to buy kidneys. People are like, you know how dumb that is?

And I'm like, I didn't sell both my kidneys, you dumbass. Do you know how dumb you are? Honestly, I bet it would be a smart choice financially i mean you don't want to live without kidneys but i'm sure there was a point where bitcoin was like recently where you could have sold both kidneys and then purchased a dialysis machine of course and invested the red rest in bitcoin and you'd be turning a profit by now i turn profit on uh bitcoin memes that's my financial game now and eventually you just buy yourself a China man's kidney. Ooh.

Are they cheaper than American kids? Hopefully he's been taking good care of himself. Yeah, of course they are. Right, because they're cheap labor. Because there's way more of them. Yeah. Does it make them less valuable? I mean, I had economics, and I understand some fine demand, right?

Here, you go like, if Kyle's like, I want a nice a nice american kidney you know there's not that big of a pool probably he goes i want a chinese kidney there are a ton of chinese mafia dime a dozen kidnap other people and steal their kidneys and give it to you you think that right you there's a billion chinese or actually more now like you would think there'd be tons of Chinese kidneys just in big piles somewhere, like piling up. No! Because the Chinese have some sort of taboo against donating organs. They don't do it. They think you should be buried with

a hole so they don't donate organs. So there's this whole black market. That's why it's always a China man who's coming and having a whore drug you and then cut your kidney out in an ice-filled bathtub. That's when it's always... Wow.

Is that a preferred nomenclature, Chinaman? Chinaman. Or Oriental. I'm pretty sure neither one of those are. Yeah, they're shot in the dark. What do you say? I guess Chinese would be the actual thing. Yeah, Chinese.

Yeah, like you would... Had to think it through. What do you call Germans? Sauerkraut-eating douchebags? Sausages? German. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The cherries are coming.

The cherries. The cherries. I live my life based on the assumption that by the time I'm like 45, 50... Nearly dead. We'll have relative... No, we'll have relative technology that'll have relative tech like technology that can replace most of the things i've done in my body you know like like my liver's like 55 right now uh if we could just get that out of there kidneys heart like i'm all for the singularity like make me a

robot yeah i agree i don't i don't think that we really need to be that healthy at this point in time in history. Like everything that we're degrading with like smoking or drinking or just living a hard life, like we have to replace that shit. I, on the other hand, really need to take care of myself because this will be a diving catch for me, right? Like just as my liver starts failing, they'll be like, ah, we consider quality of life before we replace these parts and you're fucked that'll be some sort of government death panel decide that i won't go obama i mean i i still think we should probably like how much are you going to kick yourself though if it gets to be you know like five years from now we'll really have organs not like the bullshit like spacex promises of today of like we'll be walking on Mars by fucking Thursday.

Like, all right, Elon, keep your pants on. But, like, real promise. Like, we got a kidney growing in a Petri dish, and we're, like, pretty sure it's going to work. It's going to be done in March. Like, but you are already sick, Kyle. You've eaten so much cheese that you've— The cheese is—it's unstoppable. The lactase in your system has

has taken over every hormone everything like it's your entire body is trying to digest all this cheese and you're about to die how much you can kick yourself for not just taking it a little slow because now you're gonna die instead of living for all eternity well you should probably take care of yourself a little bit better what blood type do you have? Are you AB? I think I'm A-something. Yeah. I'll be okay. I'll be alright.

I thought you were the universal one. I am. I'm O-negative. Yeah. Damn, that sucks. That does not suck. Not really. I know where I can get plenty of O-negative organs. My whole family is O-negative. A tragedy will befall my sister should I need a kidney. Jesus.

It'll be like one of those Clinton deaths where he had a workout accident or he shot himself in the back of the head twice. He's tied up. He drowned himself in a sink. This is going to get cut somehow. I'll find a kidney somewhere. It'll be all right

hey yeah i don't know but how much would you kick yourself if you lived your life you know gluten-free and all and all this stuff and all of a sudden we found out that there was no negatives and and the person who was a glutton all their life can have two hearts now we could put two of them in there and then he's like even healthier than you were, and you were trying to be this healthy dude. That's fair. It would be like, I just had to look up his name, Jim Fix. He was a fitness expert guy who was a runner, and he was very into running and fitness,

and he died while running because he pushed it a little too hard. Really? At the age of 52. Killed himself from running. from running shit yeah so that just goes to show all things in moderation even fitness right i don't know about that okay well i tried to make a point yeah not no it's clearly a point he died running no no no that's a that's a point i was just saying y say, yikes. He died. Well, at least he went out doing what he loved,

which is running. If you said, Taylor, you have to spend two hours running today or you can go to the dentist, I would pick the dentist 10 out of 10 times. I would pick the dentist, too. Two hours running is a lot of running. Okay, an hour of running. I would say a lot of running. Okay, make it 30 minutes.

I would run in a heartbeat. I'm one of those people that actually likes running. I wish I liked all kinds of things. Okay, make it 30 minutes. I would run in a heartbeat. I'm one of those people that actually likes running. I don't know why. I've tried to quantify it. I can't do lifts. I'm a scrawny, feeble man. Manlet. I'm a child, and I can't lift heavy things, but

you put me on a treadmill, and I can run. I think the last time I was on here, I was working out. I no longer do that. But I can run five miles without problem. It's comfortable. Everything kind of goes blank, and you just run. What happened to working out?

I'm not judging. I've been there. What's up? You know, good question. The joy of not working out took over. I think. All right, so what happened was I lost my credit card, which happens often, and then I did not renew my membership because of that. And I was like, wow, that was $70 a month I'm saving.

I could put that towards beer. And then that happened, and now here we are. And I haven't really gained weight. I'm just flabbier, you know? But why pay for a gym when all you do is run? Yeah, I'm just sailing around that one know but why pay for a gym when all you do is run yeah i'm just go outside and run so that's that's different free like running not on a treadmill is fine but i don't like running on the streets where i live is not really like a thing because i live in

hollywood there's a lot of foot traffic it's like not i don't know i prefer running in an enclosed space where i'm like i'm going there i'm running and i'm coming back instead of like let me you know run around the block or something like that and like have to weave in and out of people do you have if i lived in a place champagne treadmill preferences or something like is there a reason you can't just have this yeah right there wait whoa a treadmill in my no i don't have enough space. I'm in an apartment. A two-bedroom apartment with no... One of the bedrooms is this booth.

I wish I could, but yeah. I can't fit one. You're still in Hollywood? Yeah, I live in Hollywood. Last time we talked to you, I thought you were doing Seattle or moving to Washington or something like that. or oregon last last show i was here um actually

last two shows i was here i did used to live up in portland oh i got like yeah no no it's all fine i it's fun here i like it it's just you know it's hollywood so it smells like piss it's dirty it's expensive but it's like then you're not selling it yeah oh i'm not trying to because you're always close to piss and expensive items yeah no i mean there's a lot of things that i do that are in la so it beats having to travel like three times a month that's fair tranny what i'm sorry what did you say woody tranny prostitution you didn't mention what it is you do that's unique to la and i was guessing oh no they're i mean drag shows i've been to a couple drag shows here in la they are fun i highly recommend going to a drag show because nobody

owns it works it and has a better like sense of of showmanship than a tranny stripper like they you know whichever side of the conversion they're they. They're walking the walk and it's great great entertainment great fun So what did they do though? Is it just like? You get a load of this cock in these days and like they just know I mean like I said the there's this place called Jumbo's and it's like a super Level like B level strip club all right and they had a drag night and i had this 350 pound man in like full drag garb doing everything that you saw that like like struggling college student do equally as well he'll collapse upside down, spinning around a pole and I'm like defying gravity.

That's the level of showmanship I came to see. Like, that's what I want. I want to see this man defy the odds or female depending on how they want. But like that, like, you know, it was just that I felt like as I left that strip club,

I lost my ID there and my credit card. And I was like, worth it. It was worth. Does anyone else think they could put on a show at the pole? Like, I could hang upside down and twist around. No, you could not. You just said that they were spinning around and twisting in their dress with their, you know, and they got their nice cute

skirt on that falls down when they're upside down on the pole, and you see the cock flap down onto the belly. Very sensual. Very classy. I could do it. I swear I could do it. I'm really good at climbing ropes and stuff. You can. I promise. Really? Alright, so the one thing that I

thought was that the pole was static. The pole moves around an interior pole. And so, uh, I, like, one of my friends' girlfriends did, took pole class, right? Just strictly as like a physical thing. And so I'm like, dude, I'm going to fucking swing around on it.

But, like, holding yourself up there and doing – As opposed to mental stimulation? What? I'm sorry. She took it as a physical thing. Yeah, she took pole class as, like, a physical workout. Okay, okay. Because it requires a ton of core strength.

Okay. And body control. I mean, like – What else would it be if not physical? Like, it would be emotional? a ton of core strength. Okay. And body control. I mean, like... What else would it be if not physical? Like, it would be emotional? No, like as a job. Oh, okay, okay. All right, now I follow.

Anyway, I ruined it. Yeah, so I fucked around on the pole, and that was not... That was way more difficult, let alone the fact that she was able to invert herself in an elegant manner. And, like, slide down in a circle like that was beyond me but i i could i was just like a fireman kind of like doing this thing on it it just it's a lot more difficult when you try i'd rather spend a day trying to figure out how to pole dance like that than run for 40 minutes still absolutely because then i feel like you'd get a nice running start at a pole dance and like at a pole bar with the pole or whatever and just jump and you could like swing around it

like you could have a lot of fun with those it's the same did you guys ever go to a firehouse as a kid like uh for a field trip stay let you fuck around with the pole that's a static pole but it's still slippery enough that like you could run at it and like jump and grab and swing around oh that'd be fun nobody would want to see my dance. Available. If there was somebody out there for that, I'd fly. I mean, you'd be interested, really. You'd be my interest.

So, Tucker, I'm trying to set the scene for myself. I've only been to one actual strip club ever, and I've never been to one where it was, what is is this called night i don't know they probably had a night okay well i had a catchy night tranny tuesdays tranny tuesdays or whatever it is uh when you walk in the first time are you like man this is gonna be a lot of fun there's a lot of gentlemen up there with with makeup on and and wearing a dress or transvestites whatever they are let me set the scene all right it's it. It's a weekday. That much I know.

I do not remember. The Tuesday crew. Right. Walk across the street because the person I'm with, we're with a large group of people, knows the owner of the strip club. Walk up. It is in a strip mall. It is written Jumbos,

and then it's got those like bulb lights around it that look like a carnival. Like they're trying to sell you churros. But you walk up, give the bouncer my ID, and we go in. It's wood paneling around the walls. There is carpet in here. The bar is on the back, and there are people seated around. It's very full, like super full. So I can only imagine this is, like, a thing for these people.

You know, they have four ATM machines so i get like twenty dollars and ones out i don't know how much i need for tranny tuesdays and we take our seats pretty far back because it's all packed out and the person who comes on and announces it it's like a normal dude like he's you know like baggy jeans and shit and he's like all right thanks for coming guys like our next dancer is it was like claw dad or something like that and that was the first guy that came out who was like 350 pounds and was the most acrobatic transvestite or cross-dressing man i've ever seen in my life and that set the stage because i was very anxious with my seven dollar bud light i was like why am i here and they were like no no no bro it's great it's great it's good it's good fun

after that i was sold everybody else not quite 350 pounds it was definitely worth the 20 dollars this is a big fat guy who or was he like 6 10 in a dress like just a giant man he was taller than me but like he definitely was not a comfortable 350 right it was like a it was like a you put on some weight and like good for you for being comfortable with it but like it was not a it was not like a thick 350 it was your fat your fat guy okay and so like what you do is you watch the the fat guy up there that you're telling transvestite and then he he jumps on the pole for 30, 40 seconds until he gets winded. And then – It was a five-minute – his dance was, like, five minutes long.

Because I remember looking at my phone, like, how long has he been on here for? Like, he – yeah. And then everybody was, like, cheering whenever he – specifically the move where he went upside down with his legs, like – I don't know how to explain it. Like, he was, like, bent this way. So his legs were out, and don't know how to explain it like he was like bent this way so his legs were out and his fit in his chest was close to it i was it was like upper body strength i've never seen before spinning in a circle clapping his his eight inch heels hairy legs and

all in a tiny like school girl skirt and every the place erupted everybody was about it and i was like all right this is sounding funnier and funnier by the minute, to be honest with you. Right, exactly. I mean, I challenge anybody. Like, if you were there with me, you would have been like, all right, this is worth $20. This is great. I mean, whether or not you enjoyed the actual art of it, fine. But it was entertainment nonetheless.

So you're saying you you go into it more of like a gawking festival like the way like turn of the century like 1904 world's fair was like come look at this midget we found in the congo yeah we put him in a cage for you he's you know trust us we know i'm not gonna pretend that there was any enjoyment outside of the fact that i was like holy shit look at this guy pole dance um I'm sure some people there were like, this is what I'm into, this is my fetish, like, I'm into this. I was not one of them, nobody I was with was

one of them, and the vast majority of the bar was not. I think that the people performing probably understood that as well, but, yeah, I don't know. I wish Freaky Shows would make a comeback. I do too, man. I mean, we never got to experience that, right? I mean, I remember going to the circus and they had elephants,

and I know that's going to be a thing of the past very soon. Oh, animals? Yeah, the elephants and the lions. It's very cruel. But people, you know, put some fucking freaks in there. I want to see some Siamese twins. I want to see some people conjoined at the neck. I want to see a gator man.

Did you ever pay the 50 cents at a state fair to see the world's smallest woman or shit like that? Because I never did, but now I'm really curious. No. The only thing I ever did was we went to the circus and I rode an elephant. And I think I rode a camel one time and shit like that. Did you just link us a Pinterest that just says circus sideshow? Holy fuck, what's with her knees? What the fuck?

I looked up pictures of circus freaks from olden days, and this is what I found. Oh, God. The horror. I thought Pinterest was just to help women make shitty homemade jewelry with one another. This is better than I thought. was just to, like, help women make, like, shitty homemade jewelry with one another. This is better than I thought. The second photo! What is the... The whole, like... Look at that watermelon head baby.

Oh my god. This is probably way more fucked up than I thought it would be. What the hell are these people? They're, like, not rock stars, but certainly not as bad as a coal miner back in the day. They'd be like, oh my god, you're a guy with leg growing out of your ass. There's no way that three-titted woman is real.

Where are you seeing that? I don't know. She's like the fifth freak down on the far right. The fifth freak down on the far right. Oh my god, this is disgusting. These poor people. Oh, my God. This is disgusting. These poor people. Oh, I would want to die.

I would want to die. I'd kill myself. So I haven't seen one of these pictures yet that I wouldn't have already killed myself, except for the woman with no arms, because it'd kind of be hard. Yeah, but what about, all right, like, the girl with the knees. Like, that one bothers me. Her legs are, she looks like Mr. Thomas. The top one you're talking about where they're bent. She's got like the ostrich legs you're talking about.

Yeah! Stop! I don't want that. I don't like that at all. The rubber skin girl! Holy shit! So many of these pictures are just freaks. Look at the conjoined twins, like topless there. And they've got two normal tits, and then there's just a bulge in the middle that doesn't have a nipple. Oh, you're right. They've got the beginning of a tit in the middle.

I would tattoo a nipple on that thing. Her name was Annabelle Gray. Let me look that up and see if she has an undoubtedly sad Wikipedia page. Oh my god. Fuck this. Oh, the horror. Do you really want this back, Kyle? I changed my mind.

I changed my mind. No. Think of it this way. What are the lobster handed people of today doing to make a living? Exactly. These people aren't victims. They're

heroes that don't have to work. How many of you would trade in your job to just sit at the fair on weekends? If I throw a third foot out of my asshole... Well, they don't choose that.

Lobster Boy looks like he probably has a good... If he jerks it, he's got a perfect grip. I want a full circle. This is where we draw the line. It's right there. Lobster Boy clamping down on his cock. Look at this.

They call this guy Gondio Pinhead. And he's clearly an indian gentleman with a severe mental handicap which like that microencephaly i think it's called microencephaly i think that like where their heads a little pointy like in the year like 1905 that wasn't like oh my god that that man's having trouble it was do you see the head on that man great addition to the 8 o'clock show. I know, Thomas. Yeah, we'll get him in here. He'll go great with the rubber-skinned girl and the man with the hair growing out of his asshole.

Like, that kind of shit. If you had to be one of these people, who would you be? Be a morbidly obese dude. No. Pick one more fun than that. I don't want to be any of them. Do you still get laid? I'd be the left head of annabelle gray oh i could totally fuck this two-headed chick but i mean i like where your head's at if you have sex if you have sex with a with conjoined twins

that only have one vagina yeah do they both have an orgasm no i don't think so you know we're we're talking about this the other day like like they've got two they've got two heads so it's two different people i'm just saying do they both have orgasms i i don't think so i i you know we watched that that show um about that two-headed monster of a woman that exists. Oh, yeah. Two-persona bitch. Two-headed monster. And it's just

like, they're like, she visits the doctor, and the doctor's like checking her out and like, oh, lung number four is doing well, nice. And you keep waiting on them to talk about her asshole or how her pussy works or whatever, and they never do. And that's the only thing I care about, is like, who gets the orgasm? What if they've never tried?

No, they've tried. At least one of them has while the other one was sleeping. These two ladies have a lot of time on their hands. These two ladies have a lot of time on their hands, okay? They're just sitting around on their hand okay they're they're they're just they're just sitting around on their they're just sitting around on their lopsided ass just just trying to think of something to do with their time their giant back just a huge two two people together back it's awful but but i i was thinking like what if one of them what if only one of them got the urge to shit? Like, knew that it's time to poop.

But the other one was always just eating terrible foods. And she's just wanting to eat more and more. Just an eating cheese platter. She's like, Lindsay, we've got to go. And she's like, no, Karen, I'm not done yet. No, we've got to go right now. I'm tired of you eating that. It's going to our thighs!

Don't worry, I'll wipe this time. Just let me finish. Because each of them has control of one arm and one leg, the most uncoordinated thing of all time. Wait, was that the case? Yes! And there's video of them playing softball with their high school softball team.

No way! And imagine, each of them has an arm and they're on the bat and they're like like fucking hitting the ball and they make contact. It's shocking that they did. I'm pretty sure they sat there and filmed for like an hour and a half until they finally

fucking hit the ball. Yeah, it's easy. Jim Norton was riffing on this on ONA like 10 years ago it must be. But when you said it was the video of them batting, he was like, Oh, look, two outs at once is up. Easy outs. Easy outs. He was talking about fucking that flap between the two necks. You know what the thing is?

With all these two-headed folks, there's always one who has a head that stands up a little straighter. If you're going to be a two-headed person, you do not want to be the one that's cock-eyed and has to look at the whole world like this. Because even then, people are going to naturally be like, I guess the one who's standing up is in charge. We'll talk to that one. No one ever talks to me lindsay like it's so fucked up and they had a driver's licenses it was absurd like they did it like

don't they easily get laid though like i really think they would i think there's a bunch of guys who are like you know what i bet they're prudentish one chance at this i'd get after the story i would yeah i want one of them to suck my balls and the other to suck my dick don't you right yeah yeah i want to like hover over like that thing on the right and let the thing on the left blow me like like i would totally fuck that two-headed monster see normally i bet girls are kind of shy and you know squeamish around their sister in a situation like that but these girls have shared every personal detail since the beginning they share them so they they got one pussy i mean right uh yeah i wonder if they masturbate as uncoordinatedly as they play softball.

Elbow them out. Let me do this. You suck at it. You know, I thought one of them is like a total prude and the other one is just like a hornball. Stop touching it! Stop touching it! And the other one is just rubbing her pussy. God damn it, Janet. We both have school in the morning.

And you're here flicking our bean in all hours. I'm the one that has to help you wash that hand. Wait, I mean, think about it from the flip side. Like, if there's conjoined dude twins, like, do you think they'd have an easier chance getting laid? Oh, they would never get laid. Yeah, no, but the girls... They would have to be gay,

because only a dude would be down to fuck the two-headed dude. Like, you'd have to just... What if one of them was gay and the other was straight? Oh my god! No! That's what we need! No, Michael!

This is DeAndre. He's my new boyfriend. No! No! No! No! No! He was like, no! He was like, no! He's like a black baby's forearm. Oh, my God. That is my asshole today.

It looks like a tree root. Are you trying to sabotage my date? He's just shoveling down curry like you'll never get a rim job if i have curry asparagus oh my god that'd be the worst if you were conjoined twin and he was like he was gay and you were straight and he was just always trying to get after it. You just have to live on Metamucil. You have to get a privacy, like a privacy curtain, but swing the heads. Yeah, like a little screen.

Like, you're watching fucking... He's got his earplugs in and he's just watching TV. Stranger things over here. Strangest things over here. Mouth. Mouth. Mouth. Oh, God. Finger guns. No, but I'd fuck that two-headed thing. and fucking like strangest things over here oh god finger guns

no but I'd fuck that two headed I totally would I'd get after that I would for sure I like Kyle's two headed idea what other ideas do you have Kyle for how you could enjoy them and pleasure them

sexually because I'm sure they would love a handsome man like you to stroll into town and be like, my lady and lady, like, off we go. Let me whisk you away and you can walk awkwardly with your gait because you're both controlling one foot. And so no matter how good you get at it, it doesn't look right. Oh, man. Oh, Jesus. you get at it it doesn't look right oh man

just keep a vial of holy water around your neck just in case get out of here demon most uncoordinated handjob I've ever gotten Jesus Christ I'd advise either of you to make a better argument against God existing

oh no argument against God existing. Oh no. If God existed, he would not make these poor girls like that. Can you imagine their mother's vagina? Like, when that thing came out. Can you imagine the doctors as they're like, I'm sure they had like ultrasound, but can you imagine like, before they had it? They're like, alright, we see one head, we see... What? oh my god wait is that a second head there's two oh you got twins and then it comes off with the same body get the gun get the gun oh no oh no like mip people like oh my god don't worry man we killed

that thing crawling out of you wait wait wait no alright, this is like a serious question. If you killed one of the heads, would both of them die? Yeah. Slowly, right? Yeah, it'd be like if you got gangrene or something. Or I don't know, like on Howard Stern, there's that Jeff the drunk guy, he's got a dead arm. But I think that's just nerve damage. They did this thing where he's... Yeah, it's still alive, I think blood pumps to it, but he got this thing where he, like, he's... Yeah, it's still alive.

I think blood pumps to it, but he got it. Okay. How interesting. Couldn't that happen to her? Like, even if he blew her brains out, would the body not just, like, heal it up into a worthless appendage? My God, what if you're right?

That's what I'm saying. What if the solution was here all along? What if one of them is like, I can do better without you! Like, all right, think about it. If you just cut one of the heads off, I can do better without you! Like, all right, think about it. If you just cut one of the heads off, like, sloppily. Like, I'm not talking about getting, like, Ben Carson in on this.

Just lop it off with a fire axe. And then, like, cauterize it so that, you know, Tina doesn't bleed out. Nah, we don't need to busy that man. He's running hot. I've been practicing with my homemade circumcision kit. I can get this done. Do you think that the parents are furious at one another, like in a resentful way, where she thinks it's all his sperm

and he thinks it's all her eggs? This is what we get for drinking that uranium water for years. I knew this would happen. They said 30 parts per million was okay. The government doesn't lie it went up to 45 hailing i don't know what name i was listening to uh carl pilkington he was talking about these siamese twins that got ran over by a car and he was like you know i just kept wondering why didn't they check both ways man I gotta say for you your guys's first live episode this one's really hit like all of the things that could potentially make this the only live

episode so I don't get it Yeah we did like 150 shows on Twitch or something This is just PKA Are there new rules now? Yeah definitely a little bit more There were definitely some segments in here Where I was like man Anybody in the chat is staffed?

No? We're good? Okay Twitch is going through growing pains since amazon bought them dude last stream on twitch i honestly i think this was it i was live streaming myself fixing the gutters like around the house and they as you do and they kicked me they're like ah we don't do irl um you know'm like – And now look at us. Yeah, and I told them. I was like, dude, I think you're missing out on something. Like Periscope is a thing. I thought it would be fun to like just – I'm pretty busy every day.

And I was like, yeah, I'll just share my days with people. Like it will be a blast. And at the time, who's the painter everyone loves? Bob Ross, right? Yeah. I'm like dropping screws and they're like, no, saved it, saved it, like the chat's going crazy and then they killed it. They're like, what if we don't

do IRL streams on here? I got banned for like innocent... Madhouse! For the most G-rated stream I've ever done. He's got hex screws! I did have hex screws. I'm in a mason jar.

Did you have that little thing where you got the mason jar full and you've screwed in the tops to like a board so you can screw them all in? I bought a card catalog and rebuilt all the drawers so they hold like hundreds of different kinds of screws. And, you know, I went out. I chose the screws. I had them in stock. It's pouring rain. I'm outside and the gutter, the downspout was missing. Great topic, I know.

Downspout was missing. So water is pouring on me as I try to put it back together. Like attaching two hoses while they're running. And I guess that was just too sexy for Twitch. They're like, what do you got to stop? Top five? No. Top ten favorite kinds of screws go.

Fucked up part is he knows. In his head, without even thinking about it, he populated seven of them. He's like, ah, oh. Well, the first four were a given. And then I was just really debating between anchor screws. Dude, it's a way of personal preference versus reliability versus usability. There's so many aspects of screws.

Self-tapping, I don't know. I enjoy drilling the pilot holes, I gotta tell you. I got the countersink pilot bits. One motion,

two effects. It's, yeah. I could go on and on. Anyway, yeah, my last Twitch stream got banned, kind of. Taylor, what... They kicked me and I didn't realize that it was, like, Twitch stream got banned, kind of. They kicked me,

and I didn't realize that it was Twitch staff that did it, so I fired it up again thinking it was just some technical mistake. And they're like, Woody, we keep changing your stream key. We can't get you to stop. Anyway, Kyle. I think we all agreed we'd fuck that two-headed beast of a thing.

That abomination that God forgot. The abomination that God forgot. What the heck is this all about? The abomination that was not dashed upon the rocks twice. God's reckoning. You know how the Spartans would dash the baby upon the rocks? They'd have to do it twice. This is how bad it could be

if you don't start taking those goddamn commandments seriously. Is what he was saying. Oh yes. Sorry, what were you saying, Kyle? What other types of freaks would entice you? Like, sexually. Abnormalities.

Yeah, midget. Would you fuck a midget? Yes, absolutely. That's an obtainable one. That one is like, you know, there's an availability that's a possibility in the world. But isn't Tavaris even cooler? You can just pick him up and take him. What if she was seven and a half feet tall?

Well, that doesn't exist, does it? I'm not trying to have sex with a jungle, Jim. I would do either of those. She's really short, really tall. Bro, I'm like swinging on her arms like a monkey. I would do that. Sweet. I'll Google it on here.

Let's figure this out. Let me see how the world's tallest woman... Let me get on this. I mean, I know somebody who, as a female, has had sex... Look at this freak! Oh, my God! Yow-defin! Yow-defin!

Seven foot, eight inches. She just said, stop Googling, you children. He'll take care of all Googles for us. Holy shit! She's huge! Somebody cut that in half and make two. Can you put it in the chat so that other people can see what's up?

Bro, her crutch is like a regular 2x4. That's insane! I'm down with Midget, and I would give Yao Defend a roll give it a go she's probably dead now because people nothing that pituitary gland has exploded at this point she's long gone dude i googled world's tallest woman and i see this woman i'm like whoa my god and i realized it's a photoshop and she's like 75 feet tall in this picture

All right, yeah defend died in 2012 sandy Allen died in 2008 oh Maybe uncha Sam Janova. Maybe she's down to clown wait are they yes? Is there can I say is is there a reason why most of these are Asian? Are Asian? Oriental. Yeah, there's just so many of them that it's more likely that it'll happen, right? I mean, I'm curious if there's like a thing, because that seems like a very interestingly high amount of people.

But I guess you're right, statistically speaking. Maybe it's genetic manipulation. Maybe they're upset about normally being quite short, shorter than Westerners, and there's some sort of experiments going on in the Far East, making giant, tall people, and they end up with these freaky eight-foot bitches. But we don't know what flavor of Asian these people are. We just see an Asian person. We're like, oh, they must all be Chinese. But it's like, maybe she's Thai. Thai maybe she's Japanese maybe she's Mongolian and

so we're huge people and comparing it to the US so it actually looks like the type that would eat some cuttlefish Oh cuttlefish I just linked one of another woman who's 7'2 and she died. Chiz says that apparently women own the, or Asia owns the women demographic but the men are U.S. and Europe.

For the tallest people? Holy, okay, this is disputed. I almost freaked out. Disputed. 11 foot 6 inches. A guy from France. No, that's not real. No, that's not real.

You can tell that's not real. These are all old. That's not really tall. You can tell that's not really tall. In the Bible, I think they said that, like, Goliath was, like, what, like, three cubits or, like, nine or ten feet tall. Like, I don't know. But, like, back then, like, it was some dude writing it where he was, like, he's going to be seven feet tall. And they're, like, seven? He's, like, no, ten feet tall. Like, just something that was totally unbelievable to them. How tall were they back then?

Like 5'4"? They were little people. Little dudes, yeah. 11 foot. 8 foot 11 inches. His shield was like the size of a car hood, they describe it. Well, they didn't describe it as a car hood. But the way it was described. It was the size of a Chevelle's hood

so would you rather fuck the world's tiniest woman or the world's tallest woman I got very little to work with in my pants so like I need all the help I can get fair enough okay I would also rather fuck the

oh both at the same I want to fuck the world's tallest woman with the world's shortest woman. I would like to... Okay, now we're getting into interesting areas of engineering and whatnot, but if every guy gets this decision, I think 90%

of guys are going to say the smallest woman, and that means that they are... Think of how big your dick is going to look in her hand! But think about this. Now everybody has that same story. Nobody gives a fuck about you fucking the smallest woman story, which is why I'm going tallest woman, because that's going to be the

story at the time. I'm going tallest woman because I feel like small women are not that big a thing. Like, small women, they're a dime a dozen. If you went walking at the mall today, you'd see a woman under five foot. I'm talking about a two foot bitch, Woody. I'm talking about a pocket

lady. I hear you, but I see a woman who's five nine and a woman who's four nine is kind of similar. I get four nines a lot less common. I'm talking about a bitch you can put in your Jan sport, alright? How small is the smallest woman? Let's find out.

Yeah, because I don't know that there really is a mouse-sized woman. I want a woman that when you fuck her, she can taste your dick. That's any woman. No, no, no. I don't think you understand the physics of what I'm describing here. I think you underestimate my

36-inch dick. That was the joke. That's probably taller than these little ladies. Coming out the top of her head. Can I say something? Two feet two is the tallest woman. Oh, shit. Oh, that is a small person.

Does she have legs? Holy shit. She is hideous. Help. She is fucking hideous. Dude, there's not enough room for your facial features to even grow if you're that small. Those of you listening, you're fucking up. You're going to want to Google world's shortest woman and find this image of her posing next to a two liter Pepsi bottle.

It is disgusting. This is another one that should have been, they should have dashed her head upon a very tiny rock She is A monster A marble Man her hands Are literally like baby hands Like I don't I bet if you told her

Open up that thumbs up Pepsi or whatever you're standing next to She wouldn't be able to do it Is that a regulation sized soda Or did they did they get, like, a three-liter and try and trick you? It says thumbs up on there, so it's like, oh, you try Coke, and you like Coke. You like a thumbs-up soda from Japan? Give it a go. We got this small lady.

Lean on it. Wings of Redemption takes bigger shits than that girl. Yeah. I think those shoes are baby shoes. I think those shoes are baby shoes. I think those shoes are not, obviously they're baby shoes. Why am I so amazed by this? You know what the really big

clue is, Woody? That's a giant Velcro strap across the top of her little baby shoes. And her jacket says pretty, but I strongly disagree. She can legally drive a car. Look at those teeth. Look how big her fucking teeth are.

Normal size teeth. Maybe it's because she has normal size teeth. No, those are bigger than normal size. Those are like some Bugs Bunny chompers she's got. You could get a dick in that mouth. If you compare it to the soda cap, those seem like normal size teeth to me. Holy fucking shit. Yeah, I think they're normal size teeth.

It's just that she's so so teeny-tiny this reaffirms that I was correct in saying tallest woman before I feel like yeah all right Taylor good point and two I feel like if I had to buy her jewelry as any husband does have to occasionally it'd be really cheap right like what does this bitch need more than a quarter carrot for why do you need to buy her anything? You didn't buy me anything for our anniversary! Shut up or I'm gonna put you in the dog kennel again! Put a bowl of tepid, lukewarm water in there until you get your act together, Missy! This country we live in doesn't consider you human, so I have full reign over this!

I'm going with biggest woman still. There's some really hot, tall chicks. we live in doesn't consider you human so I have full reign over this I go with biggest woman still there's some really hot tall chicks they look good in the bikinis and whatnot and I think that it's I don't know I just like a little volume to a person maybe yeah this is this two-foot woman is just a sex toy. I want to sex with a human. Yeah. I mean, she's a human. Are you sure? She's got a little non-human mixed in there. That's why she's so small. She does look non-human.

I mean, they need to hire her for some... I don't know. She's disgusting. I'd still fuck it. She's very elf-y. Not even elf-y. More like a gnome. She's like a guard gnome. I mean like Keebler elf, not like Legolas elf.

Yeah, she looks like she lives in a tree. What is this picture that Chiz just linked? It's a very tall man with a cane, and a man who looks like he has no legs at all. A very tiny guy. Chiz linked him, you say. If you're gonna be a super tiny person, way better to be a super tiny lady than a super tiny guy. Chiseled him, you say. If you're going to be a super tiny person, way better to be a super tiny lady than a super tiny man. I want to see the giant man

just stomp the little man to death. Am I the only one? Did you click on the link? I sent you the world's tallest man meeting the world's smallest man. Yeah, yeah. The world's smallest man doesn't even come up to his knee. No, not even close.

It's... You can see how unconscionable both of their lives are. Yeah, both of them are like, fuck, why are we here? So there is no God, right? Nope. If there is, I've got a few things to say.

Yeah. I had to start using a cane when I was seven years old I never grew past two I just want to put that little fella in like a Bjorn wear him on my chest and take him places he's never been before let him get that perspective

of like oh yeah like five feet up is where he's never been get him up above fart level at least like he's been smelling farts his whole life standing in line like like can you imagine what a terrible life wow i mean he's more comfortable on a plane than any of us that's that is put it dude oh my god overhead wait but really though like you could save so much on airfare by putting him in your carry-on.

Yeah. Nobody's gonna... So much for being more comfortable on the plane. Oh, no, it's warm up there. You could deck it out, right? Maybe carry-on with, like, a little hammock in there. Make, like, a... One of those wheels that dribbles run on. You just give him one of those little things, and he he just walks- That's why I give that- that girl in my uh, in my dog kennel.

She's just like, when she got thirsty, you have to go over and like lick the little- the little beads of water out of there. Man, this is like- one of the most mean-spirited topics we've ever had. I'm- I'm really enjoying it. Come on! That's what they're here for. I'm having fun with it. I like it. That can't be true. I'm like- The competition's so stiff. Bunchers, stop watching. Everybody stop watching.

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I'm not even getting paid. That's really a good deal. Keep hamming it up. You will. Alright. I have subscription meal services, but I eat a lot of meat, and I've never thought about it. I like that all of our leans to ads tonight have been pretty crazy. Terrible.

Now that we're done talking about shared assholes, can I interest you in some smart mouth? That one was worse than this one. That's what Holt's doing double time. You know it's stinky. She needs some smart mouth in both hands. Do I have smart mouth? Do I have smart asshole?

That asshole is shitting for two mouths. One way Charlie's sometimes a sponsor. Actually, yeah. I have used those, and those are good. They're curiously strong. I sometimes a sponsor. Actually, yeah. I have used those and those are good. They're curiously strong. I have a topic. I'm almost done. Over a year ago, we released PKN Season 1

over on our Gumroad. A video collection of the first 80 episodes of PKN video for anyone who would like to purchase access to them who wasn't a Patreon supporting us for over the years. you should be. Well, it's been a long time, and we've put together a PKN Season 2 video collection. This is episodes 81 through 170, all on demand, and you can download or stream from the site itself.

And if you want to get it now, just head over to, there's a link, it's gum.co slash pknseason2. Also, if you've never purchased the Season 1 collection, the price has been cut in half. Oh my. 50% off. And you can get that as well over at gum.co slash pknseason1. So if you have been missing out on all the high quality video content of PKN,

that is exclusive to our amazing monthly patrons. Just head on over there and get them both. Gum.co slash PKN season two for the latest collection. Links down below or somewhere. Nice.

You're listening live? Yeah, if you're watching live, the link is on the screen. Type it yourself. Yeah, yeah. Gum.co slash PKN season two. You know, I don't do this a lot. You guys should bring, not to derail the topic,

but you guys should bring it back on to Twitch. H3's podcast does amazingly well. Twitch is kind of a cool spot for hosting live podcasts. Drop Frames does it. It's a solid now that ddos thing is not a huge deal anymore uh it's definitely something so joe rogan and a few other podcasts i'd in my universe do it on youtube and h3h3 does it on twitch and i'm sure others i'm unaware of do you have a preference do you think i'm thinking stream both if we want to stream um if you do if you

do want to come over to twitch uh and you could seriously lobby to give uh to to have your shit set up so you're you're already partnered but you could get a premium partnership for like off the bat without having to prove yourself um and they are looking to kind of bring on premium content. So I'm sure there's some lobbying tools you could use there. There's no downside to streaming on both. My only thing is you release the episodes on YouTube anyways. And so the only benefit that YouTube has is you can scrub back and forth because it's like a live VOD.

Whereas Twitch is live live. I think that it's better to diversify your platform right like have one on twitch have your live video vod on youtube and have your patreon that way you can kind of hit all the vod audiences on demand yeah yeah yeah yeah but i get mixed up you know in i don't know if everyone my personalized interface really pimps live streamy stuff like things i barely have an interest in if it's live oh on youtube yeah youtube's kind of trying to pump up they're really trying to do that so well i mean they have to yeah they're behind so they're they're like they get extra promotion to push

people up front so i don't know uh oh wait it's just what do you want to do because when you're when you're done a live stream on YouTube, it goes to VOD. Yeah. Well, you can choose. You can unlist it. Oh, can you? I haven't done that. I've got an interesting hypothetical situation I was thinking about today. So, you are in like the year 1200

in, pick a country, doesn't matter, somewhere barbaric. Denmark. And the goddamn, yeah,mark that the danes or the dutch whichever one that is swamp germans every place is 1200 yeah every they're all barbaric anyway so the king is is a maniac like bloodthirsty like ivan the terrible kind of guy you get hired as the 10th executioner that

he's gone through so far now his thing is that you have to provide all these executions a lot of people do kill but you have to do it in unique and interesting ways and it doesn't have to be 1200 by the way it can be fucking modern day anywhere barbaric and what are your methods of execution to keep him on his toes to keep keep him happy, to keep him from turning you in? Because if he ever sees you just be a hangman, you're up next. Like, you've got to do something creative. Do you have any idea? My idea, like, my first idea was for, like, modern-day thing.

Like, let's say, I don't know, whatever the most evil empire is now. And if he was bored of beheadings, hangings, brazen, bronze bull, brazen bull, whatever that is, I was saying you force feed prisoners lots of pine cones. Now, pine cones are useful because that's what bears eat to plug up their asshole so that they don't poop during the winter. This is probably true. And they eat these pine cones to plug themselves up so that they they get all the nutrients out of the subsequent food that they eat you feed a lot of pine cones to this guy really plug him up then you feed him dozens if not hundreds of pounds of peeps just the little little marshmallow peeps just as many as you can get into his body he's

trying to vomit but you have like a reverse. Like, you're not fucking vomiting, you bitch. And then, and then you put him in a giant microwave for all to see. And you microwave him for, like, I don't know, you probably only need, like, 15 seconds, and you watch him slowly explode. You see the peeps seep out of his eyes, and then BOOM!

That's a guarantee you're not on the chopping block the next day. Tell me I'm wrong. I like it. Wow. You know, I feel like Isis is pretty cutting edge with this sort of thing, right? Like, like, I don't know if you subscribe to Isis's blog, but, you know, I... No! It's like compelling stuff there, huh? Isis's interests...

My main man, Mookie Hedges will shock you! I'm on their Instagram. I've been dazzled to my goat. We're Snapchat friends. I don't know if you follow Mukhtar on Snapchat, but he's coming up with these things daily. Right? Like, he's kind of like what you've described here. Now, I saw the one

guy that they just kind of tied to a post and shot with an RPG. Now that was fucking spectacular. What the fuck? That was spec-fucking-tacular. Alright? A rocket propelled and just he exploded he just exploded and and i was like shit that's how i'd like to go if i had to pick yeah it honestly walking dead wasn't too far off what happened you just fucking vaporized right like it was i didn't think that was that cruel they do it but you know sometimes

they put the guys in the cage and set them on fire or lower them into the ocean i haven't seen them do anything with sharks yet though i feel like wild animals is pretty cutting edge right like go roman put them in there maybe there's uh not a lot of sharks where they're at i see them by the i i saw him by the ocean one time slitting a bunch of throats And then I saw him on a boat like just capping guy after guy and I watch a lot of these videos I like all of Isis like stabbing the the ocean if Allah meant for this to be he would have not made land The water is in the front The water is in the front! Kicking the ocean.

I wonder if ISIS was allowed on YouTube, how many subs they'd have. Probably way too many. Yeah. They already have ISIS on YouTube. It's Jake Paul. I mean, honestly, you don't need quality content to be big anywhere. You just need

content that people for better or for worse want to see. If it's a bad car crash, Watch People Die is a huge subreddit on Reddit because there's a market for it. So they'd probably have a lot of subs.

I don't think Watch People Die gone we don't even need to talk about unless you really want to get oh we're going to so i did so i did a movie with logan paul and uh it's been delayed and i just saw like uh on pro revenge uh why it's been delayed so let me let me read this sort of quickly. This guy posted... His people called me about two years ago because they wanted to buy my band's Twitter username. I think his Twitter name is Airplane Mode or something like that. They said it was for an upcoming movie called Airplane Mode

about people who wouldn't turn off their phones on a flight. I said, no, thank you. I don't really need the money and i like the name they pleaded with me try to convince me uh said the name didn't matter and they told me that my band was too small to deserve the name then they told me i was an idiot for not selling the offering price five hundred dollars and a tweet from uh some and a tweet from someone named logan paul my honest response at the time was to say that i had no idea who that was, but looking at Twitter, I'm pretty sure we don't want his fans. That's when the call devolved into the guys outright mocking me.

Afterwards, I wondered if we should have a trademark conflict, even since the movie was likely to include a soundtrack, which would be covered by our recorded music trademark. So I did a quick search turns out nobody on his side ever filed for a trademark on airplane mode as the title of a film so i did and because of how the application works a tiny technical mistake on my part means that the application can't even be disputed until the review period is up and i've been uh and i've just been so busy that i keep needing to file extensions pushing the review period back another six months out each time so i love it so that's why

the movie that i did with logan paul has not come out yet. So let me say this. I honestly don't, like with Ice Poseidon or any of these guys that seem to be sort of universally hated, I'm never really in the know about why people are hated. But I hung out with Logan for, I don't know, two or three days on set. And he was extremely gracious to me. Very, like the way he is online, sort of energetic and happy and like, hey dad, yeah, nice to meet you. He's like that in real life. Very friendly, very nice and gracious to me. I don't have a bad thing to say about him.

Okay. Is he the nice person? Is he the Disney person? Why Towner? Or is that Jake Paul? Wait, no, no, no, no. Jake Paul is his brother. He is the shit stain on the YouTube front page right now. Logan Paul is his older brother. I did E3 with Logan Paul for a Sony campaign on Snapchat where we basically walked around E3 and played a bunch of different games.

I had a vastly different experience. Now, this was three years ago, so he might've matured as an adult, but he was the epitome of what you expected from somebody who got famous quick on Vine. He complained when we skipped the line to go play Destiny, when Destiny was like just at its peak, the expansion or whatever at E3, complained when we skipped the line two hours with Sony because we had to wait for the play session to end. So much so that he refused to play the Destiny play session that we had just skipped the line for. He was like,

I'm not doing it if I have to wait. It was a seven minute wait from the time we got there. Did not have a positive experience with Logan Paul. This was with Logan or Jake? Logan, the older brother, not Jake, the Disney Channel one. So very different. I think that Logan from what you have said and what I've seen he has probably matured as an adult Jake is nowhere near

there and is a garbage man but like garbage man like that's you know what you got the better Jake Paul do that so many people dislike him for? Ooh, he let's do this one real quick. He, as a content creator, is very much in the same realm as somebody who's like, hey, look at me. Everybody else is an extra in my life, which is inherently obnoxious to a lot of people, including myself.

The things that he does disrupts his neighborhood and the immediate families around him whereas he broadcasts where his house is uh allows uh hordes of fans to stand there and and you know block up the roads etc etc who are not going to move for them he creates content for the lowest common denominator of children which is not inherently bad it's just like the mantra that he keeps putting out it's like oh like i can't climb this news truck oh you're telling me i can't oh fucking dab dab you can't say shit about that like you know just like a very

obnoxious you can't touch me because i'm big personality and you can you know you can go watch like the news stories or the fucking videos on it make your own opinion but him as a person is not a it doesn't seem to be a very good person so a lot of people have jumped on the bandwagon of hate because he's not very original, clever, or creative in his content. He just ripped off the FlowBots handlebars video for a parody where he

doesn't give credit, but he's talking about fucking somebody's girl with no handlebars, which is not even schematically cool. It's like a really bad... You see what I'm saying? I've never used handlebars which is like not even schematically cool it's just like it's like a really bad you see what i'm saying so like it like yeah i i've never used for fucking anyone like am i am i doing it wrong yeah no you're not it's just like well i'm in a shoe you know the song though i know my bike with no handlebars and he goes i can fuck your girl with no handlebars. But that doesn't make legit, if you're gonna make, like, a...

Yeah, so, I mean, it's just, like, very basic, like, I'm Disney, I, like, I'm Disney Channel level of, like, reality show. Like, YouTube has very much become Disney Channel. Like, you remember when MTV did music videos, and then they transitioned to

Jersey Shore and shit? That's what YouTube's done. They went from hey, look at what i made to hey i'm disney channel light and also we have weird kid videos but like that's kind of the way it's been oh that's something i wanted to ask you know tucker you're more into youtube than than any of us uh these i watched a video about these kids videos where it's like uh i don't remember what it was, but it was really funny. It was like Spider-Man and the princess from Frozen, like dancing around, like squeezing each other and like just like very honestly unsettling serial killer-ish stuff that's like targeted at kids, but it'll be like Elsa, the Frozen princess, sitting on the ground in a live action. Just some lady dressed like her, and she'll be

play, motioning at her genital area, and bouncing around. And then Spider-Man comes. I don't know. How are these making money? Who's watching? Woody should know this better than anybody. It's just gaming the search results. If you have questions about spider-man porn no no no it's just about

search results like you were one of the first people back in like 2010 to like really get a hold of the uh the like the algorithm that youtube is doing at the time and i swear you you among other you know yeah you're talking about the bumping thing swear you you among other you know yeah you talking about the bumping thing yes bumping among other things so like there there are a lot like you Ali A T Martin like that there's nothing in there there's not nothing wrong but you're not right though like I'll let you finish your point I'm sorry we'll circle back I was always baffled at how Ali A did that and and I know I used to talk to white boy about it too he was baffled at how Ali-A did that. And I used to talk to Whiteboy about it too. He was baffled.

I still to this day don't know how T-Mart did it. Whiteboy would be like, I don't get it. We would upload the trailers, for example. And so it's all the same video. And Whiteboy would be like, I got more likes. I got more comments. And T-Mart's getting way more views. For some reason, he's the pick.

And none of us know how. Right. So at the time that was dealing with like tags that would just be broad search results. But now with Elsagate, which is what I think Philly D called it and I know that like H3H3 made a video on it and I don't even know if iDubbbz or somebody else did, but basically like these very

YouTube kids oriented like Elsa P, Spider-Man, funny, like love story makeout session. That's the title of the video. So it will appear as the autoplay. YouTube defaults to autoplay. And they have an app specifically for kid content. None of these kids are going to ever report a video

because when a parent gives an iPad to the kid, the kid just, they hit play on Elsa sing-along. And then 17 videos down the line, YouTube kid pins and needles fuck Elsa Love story pops up. It's just there it is and the kid who's three years old isn't gonna report this video They watch it and it auto plays to the next one So these channels are getting tens of millions of views and phil didi did a great expose on this tens of millions of views On this shit. It's like oh my god. I don't know why they make their content so fucked up.

Like a baby just getting like... Bro, I don't know why there's a channel of a guy who is like... But what's the incentive to make it like, like you were saying at the end, it's like pins and needles making out fucking Elsa, Spider-Man. I don't know! Like why wouldn't they just be like, alright, 70 views on the line. Elsa and Spider-Man are now baking cookies. And then next after that, they go to the supermarket. They'd be violent a lot too.

Like they hit each other. A lot of times their parents would hit them or something. And I just saw videos about it. And they're like, these plots are curiously similar. Like at first it's Elsa and Spider-Man and the parents come and punish them in a weird way. And then it's like Elsa and Batman and they do it again. Bro, it's Elsa and Spider-Man and the parents come and punish them in a weird way and then it's like Elsa and Batman and they do it again bro it's relatable man as a

small three year old I relate to those videos no honestly I wish that I could guess the reason the best guess that I have is that these people know damn well well they know what they're doing but they also know damn well that like they can just kind of like make some fucked up shit like all the houses

They film in are just like it you know this is gonna sound bad Yeah, you know when you see like a house when when people just start to come into like enough money to rent something So they rent something that's like kind of nice, but not really and like there's no furniture in it and shit like that That's what they're filming in and it's just like it reeks of like a 22 year old who's like I'm gonna Fucking stab a baby in this one, but get 20 million views for YouTube kids like I can't I don't know I don't know, but it's weird and it's fucked up these people make money Taylor you wanna make a baby stab in videos? I don't want any part of this gold rush

This is fucked up. Did you not see that? No, we could be like the San Francisco 49ers of baby stabbing. I read something like 150,000 of these videos. No, no, the original 49ers. The one from, you know, the original ones. Yeah. They might have removed a lot of videos,

but the problem is that YouTube's algorithm is machine first, human second. Therein lies the problem with all the demonetization claims. Therein lies the problem with a lot of, like, the suggested content. And as a result, like, you're never going to get rid of this problem. Well, it's very hard. But here's what I'm talking about. YouTube just deleted 150, 000 disturbing videos involving children and they called it elsagate yeah uh if you do make those videos then you're under fire

it's like the reddit called elsagate all right yes that's a thing now so the top one mickey mouse all right mickey mouse look at sexy girl at the beach. Full episodes. Minnie Mouse D. Yeah, that's it. And it's a 10 minute. I'm going to hear. Of course, it's a 10 minute and one second. 10 minute and four seconds. See, that's the fucked up thing. These people know what they're doing. Do you ever do that? Do you ever make a video to stretch past 10 minutes? I have I have definitely rambled and but like i'm kind of at a point where youtube's very secondary so like i'm never

i make like six minute videos too this is bizarre this is so far i'm gonna describe these thumbnails the the top left one is called elsa and peter misunderstanding eat shit in blank and it's the thumbnail of a toilet with shit on the on the bowl and three children standing there eating poop. The one to the right of that is Elsa's forced slavery in club stripper with Sophia saved by whatever the hell. And it's two people stripping. Then there's Elsa's rescued rider, maid servants catering to Sophia.

And it's a dude in a Speedo with money being handed to him by some dominatrix and another woman behind him with a whip held up. And these three aren't even that weird compared to the other ones. There's a lot of S&M stuff going on. There's this one where it's Sophia's

revenge hypnosis and it's like we've all seen the hypnosis porn where you hypnotize the Japanese chick and make her eat some poo-poo or something. Oh, suddenly it looks so good! There's this one where you got Spider-Man under Frozen Elsa, and Elsa's walking on him with high-heeled shoes. I'm sure we've all seen some pornography like that, where the lady is stepping on the man with high-heeled shoes this is this is this is truly gaming an algorithmic system and cashing in on on children that

don't even know how to skip a video like there is no other explanation for this the reason behind their specific like live content escapes me i have no goddamn clue but it's weird it's kind of like the reply girls gaming an algorithm but at least but that was like topical content sort of kind of it was boob cam right and and 16 year olds would click on it to see their boobs because they were curious this is eight year olds it's worse it is definitely worse like this one there's one of the thumbnails is it's called cartoon sun babies is angry with moon funny story and it's a side shot of a wall with a spigot coming out of one which is like a faucet coming out of one side and then the reservoir on the

other and it's a little baby boy pissing into the reservoir and on the other side of the wall is a little girl with the the faucet on with his pee coming out into a cup. And her holding this piss cup and looking pretty happy to have it. Like, this is so fucked. Why couldn't you gain the algorithm in a way that wasn't so deranged? Chase is right on this one. These are creative thumbnails that there's an artist out here who is making these daily

and I love it. And to think that white boy just gave away $20 PSN cards. That was the way to do it back in the day. I feel like no one is looking out for the real victim here. The man who used to make these thumbnails, he's out of a job now. Some hardworking American who used to be designing

these thumbnails of children eating poop and, job now. Some hardworking American who used to be designing these thumbnails of children eating poop and, well, a Romanian or whatever. Definitely Brazilian. Some disgusting German scheisser porn guy. You know, like now he's now what's he to do? Hans, we can't do the porn

videos now. We can't do that anymore? Hans, give me a hug. I've got a fantastic idea. We're going to draw pictures of Elsa from Frozen, yeah? Yeah, you have a daughter. we can't do that anymore I've got a fantastic idea we're going to draw pictures of Elsa from Frozen yeah you have a daughter oh you're going to love this then it's going to be a Spiderman being walked on by her high heels

yeah no it was a joke it really doesn't make sense that's just a thumbnail it just really baffles me and the only thing I I can think of is these young kids. It has to be some sort of like, let's see what we can get away with. Because these channels are pulling in hundreds of millions of views. And for those who don't know, that's hundreds of thousands of dollars.

And they're getting the YouTube Kids CPM. It's like on the bad day. They're raking in hundreds of thousands of dollars every year from this stuff It's like yeah, yikes. Let's get on board Taylor. Come on. Let's do it I mean, I don't you're right. I don't want to be late. Have you seen this? This is the next Have you seen the color YouTube channel? Um, I Got let me see if I can find it. it just i i think they refer african-american yeah this is the oh my god you're so racist it's a youtube channel of color

twitch is your house come to my house and you just shit on me. I mean, I'm talking literally best toddler learning for kids, learn colors, counting, sorting, preschool, educational toys for kids. All right. This. It is a 10 million view video. Let's count the colors. $25 or $25, 25 minutes of counting and naming colors all right sounds innocent enough uh this yeah no this is actually innocent but like i'm talking that they like 39 million like these channels will have every i mean it's just search results this one's not that bad but i've seen one

that it's literally just every thumbnail is a bunch of colors on the ground. And it's just they're saying the same thing over again. This is blue. Right. And there's nothing wrong with that content. I'm just saying these people are making like $3 million a year doing it. I'm not saying my content's better. My content's ass. But that's crazy.

That's really crazy to me. I need to think of something. Half a billion with a B views. Half a billion views? Half a billion views? Half a billion. It's just called Surprise Eggs Wildlife. 439 million? That's more views than my channel has.

And then... That's way more than mine. Look in the right column there, and you'll see that this is actually this channel's second most successful Surprise Eggs Wildlife toys. Surprise Eggs Nursery Rhymes, Old MacDonald Had a Farm, Learn Colors and Farm Animals.

760 million views. I wonder what their retention is like. I mean, because that matters. That's how you get paid. Oh, I bet it's excellent. Are people watching all the way through? Yeah, because if it's children, they might not even be aware

that you can skip. On that video I linked you, scroll down to the comments real quick. And it's like, one is, it is very amazing. My child is learning colors. One is just, yeah, right. And then one is from Tuan Dong. It says, wow, I am from Vietnam. I love music, English very much.

Thank you. Aw, he's learning English from this. He learned English. He learned all the color. This is... Can we just, for those that are... Like, all right, this channel. How many views does this channel have?

Let's just, like, roughly calculate how much money this channel's made. They have 1.8 billion views. So, like, $3 million... $3 to $4 dollars off of this content. That's amazing. That is awesome. Oh, we get a

life-size, or we get a real doll, we dress it up as Elsa, and we fuck it. I mean, we're gonna get a lot of views. I don't know if we're gonna be able to say anything, though. How would you look in a Spider-Man costume, Taylor? Ah, dashing. I really see him more as a Wolverine. Just throwing that out there.

Oh, with the- with the- fuck off. Oh, you would be a great Wolverine with the- oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. And instead of the claws? Dude, instead of three claws, three dildos. Three dildo- you go, SHINK! And three dicks come out of your hand. And you're- and you're kidding me There's got to be a parody for that your punch fucking Elsa. There's an as Edward. Oh, it's just like I just searched Wolverine dildo hands. Sorry. What do you go ahead?

I was gonna say Edward penis hands is a thing Edward penis hands is definitely a thing. That's my nickname Edward penis hands Edward Penishands is definitely a thing. That's my nickname. Edward Penishands. That's a guaranteed. Unfortunately, Wolverine Dildo Hands did not return any results. Yeah, if you ever search something on Google, and it's like, we're sorry, it returned nothing. And you're like, that can't be true. There's no way nobody searched this. I wish they at least had a list of, like, a numbered list of how many other people have tried that. Like, ah, there's 11 other degenerates out there.

Actually, wait, I'm sorry. I searched Wolverine dildo hands, and, like, three rows down, there's a picture of the Wildcat controller made by Razer, my sponsor, in a bunch of dildo pictures. Nice. So good marketing there, Razer. Good marketing. I just looked up the plot of dildo pictures. Nice. So good marketing there, Razor. Good marketing. I just looked up the plot of Edward Penishands. A door-to-door dildo salesman stumbles upon Edward and discovers the advantages of his hand substitute,

brings him home where he falls in love with her daughter. So I think she used him as some sort of display case for dildos. I don't know. Imagine the amount of just pure sales skill you need to have to make it through life as a door-to-door dildo salesman. Hey, your husband's not home, huh? Pretty typical. You know what else is home? These dildos.

They can please you pretty damn well. How do you do this? Jericho would thrive in that sell me this pin environment. Yeah, but it's sell me this large purple dildo. I disagree. I feel like it would be easier to sell dildos door to door than it would be most things. I'll tell you what. You go out all day and try to sell vacuum cleaners.

I'll go out all day and try to sell dildos. Let's see who sells the most. Here you go, Kyle. You're knocking on Mrs. McGillicuddy's door right now. You're knocking. Oh, hello. What can I help you with? Hello, young lady. I, uh... He's good! He's good! This guy's good! This guy's good! Go, Kyle. Go, Kyle.

I'm sorry, young man, what were you saying? I'm from the Rothko Electric Penis Company, and I've got a product that you won't believe. This is our newest one. As you can see it's... I can't turn it... Wrong way, wrong way. Oh, that'll be perfect for me, young man. Ever since the 70s, my clit's been about as sensitive as an elbow. It's all worn out.

As a what? An elbow? An elbow. It's like clit elbow skin. Oh, they don't tell you about that growing up. Oh, ma'am, this'll definitely do the trick. For those who, maybe your husband's away or maybe he's away forever, this can replace the man that used to be in your life and more.

Let me demonstrate, why don't we go inside now, I'll demonstrate for you how it works. As long as you're the one doing the demonstrating. Do you mind if I get a bit more comfortable over here? Yes, yes, let's just take this off. Oh my! Oh yes yes oh my peacemaker i hope you don't mind if i apply a bit of oil before we get started i like to get good and lubed up everywhere before i demonstrate all right there we go yeah now tell me do you have any softer kind at the bottom to open up and put the batteries in. I can hardly get those soft

top Tylenol caps open. I notice you've become a bit- I'm becoming British now! British! Yes! I'm so- Would you get turned? I'm lost. All things of cohesion.

If you'll just have a seat right there, I'll demonstrate- yes, just put your legs up on my shoulders there, thank you, They're very good. Just recline. Now, now, now, now. I've got a false hip. Be careful. Yes, I noticed. I noticed. Okay, these therapeutic socks are very sexy, by the way. Are these for diabetes? Yes? Very nice. I like them. Oh, your slipper fell off. I'm sorry.

My left foot's fake, you'd never guess. Oh, shit! This fucking hurts! My husband died, I lost all control with eating. It appears you've lost control of your bowels as well. Oh, I am in control, yes. I'm going to choose to ignore that at this juncture.

See, my joke is you don't even have to fuck me to get the shit out. I see. Well, luckily for both of us, I suppose, let me get the double Tom out. As you see, this one has a quarter horsepower

gasoline engine. And as you can see it's got two dildos on the end. Are you prepared ma'am? Oh I've never been more ready. Alright here we go. Oh my god! Take it out! Oh, Christ! No! No! No! Take it out!

Well, ma'am, that's the Rothko electric dildo. Would you like two or just one? I can't tell if it's the Alzheimer's or if you fucked me so good I forgot where I am. Oh, it's both. A little roleplay. And scene. That might have been the funniest thing of all the times I've been on here. That might have been legitimately the funniest thing

that you guys have ever done. Thank you. She became British halfway through. I should have went British as well. Yes, man! Normally I work for the British Belly Button Institute. What's that?

What is it? British Belly Button Institute. The British Belly Button Institute. Yes, this is our finest belly button probe. With lint removing capabilities. What got us talking about the British Belly Button Institute? Because of Wing's deep belly button. Oh, and you were a collector

looking for the finest and deepest belly buttons, and I am the procurer of said buttons. That is true, that is true. I've travelled the world looking for the deepest, darkest belly buttons from the far east to the dark continent of Africa. Not a lot of luck in Africa, very few fatties. That is true.

That is true. Lot of outies there. Don't care about them. It looks like a balloon. It really hurts, man. I'm playing, my stomach really hurts. Oh man. You have an ability to fuck the belly button. really hurts man my stomach really hurts oh man

fuck the belly button I wonder what the title of this is gonna be I don't either man I haven't clicked over there in a while did we get booted are we still alive yet I gotta pee I'll be right back I'm just honestly going to finish myself off I gotta pee. I'll be right back.

I'm just honestly going to finish myself off. If we hear the sound of pouring water, we'll know it was Kyle. Yeah, they're going to have to release a new terms of service after this. You cannot roleplay as an old lady being banged by some deviant dildo salesman on our platform. He's actually gonna be fucking deviant. He was an honest-to-God salesman. Just the, hello young lady. I was like, I'm sold, this guy sells. Yeah, it was great. Right off the bat, this guy sells shit. Yeah, yeah.

Someone needs to fucking animate shit. Yeah, yeah. Someone needs to fucking animate this. Oh, my God. That would be awesome. Every so often, we get a really good animation. We actually do get a lot of good fan content when it'll come out, and they'll do whole compilations of accents or funny moments or Woody's stories, Kyle's stories, Taylor's stories.

I like stuff like that. I feel bad for the person who has to sit through the deluge of shit that surrounds all those funny moments for them to slice through. I think it's a good show. Of course it is. I honestly do.

I don't watch most of the PKA's but sometimes I watch it and I'm like I get why people watch this. Like, this is pretty funny. Yeah. Yeah. That's like a thing with content creators. It's hard to watch back your own shit and be like,

yeah, I see why anybody would enjoy this. Like, to you, you're just kind of being you, you know? None of you guys are putting on a character. We're not putting on a character. So it's hard to, like, justify watching it back. But sometimes you're like, holy fuck, that's pretty funny's pretty funny guys like i really like this one huh the ones the only ones i watch back are like when someone thinks an accent is really funny and i'm like i think i really suck at that and so like i'll go re-watch how i did it like that's how i practiced alex jones for a while

is i sucked at it and then i i got it good once and then people were like hey that's pretty funny and I'm like all right what did I fucking do here like and then but of course all it ends up doing is making you say bone broth a lot of times because you get that b that big b sound that comes out of his mouth you can feel a balloon out of his mouth like that you uh a new product he's having I think I mentioned this before it's a neck thickening agent it actually makes your neck thicker than it otherwise would have been if you've been punched on the side of the net you haven't if you had you be dead I get punched on the side of the neck twice a day. Cenk Uygur from the Young Turks. He hates my guts He punches me in the side of the neck twice daily. I never never can see I broke his little bitch ass hand that liberal leftist hand

Sorry I lost my breath I'm just saying. Sorry, I lost my breath. That was pretty good. That was really good. Oh shit. Buy our god damn protein powder and shit. Every time, the last three times I've come on

here, it's just, here's my before picture. Here's me before bone broth. Here's me after bone broth.'s me after bone broth i'm so red i'm red as fuck i'm big i'm swole i'm red the ancient ankins used to know that red denotes hell we got away from that too long ago with all these medicines doctors and such oh man oh god i feel like i to cough. I need a goddamn cough drop. I don't know how... Every time I hear someone who has a voice like that... I know they talk like that.

But how does that not hurt? And also, isn't that like a... I don't know enough about drugs, but hey, this is PK, it doesn't matter. Is that a cocaine thing? When your throat gets like that? I thought it was a yelling thing when your throat gets like that? Like they don't know we do Definitely has definitely a smoking and yelling thing smoking to that makes sense, but he makes a living like right everything

He says is like it's it's okay bowls. It's how long boosted out. It's crazy How long has he yelled because I am very loud like even right now I'm tuned down like negative 20 decibels like I project. But I don't have that raspy sound. I've been doing this for eight years. But then you have – Kyle, where did you go? There you are. You'll have that person who comes over and has that, look at this photo.

You know what I mean? That raspy – Is it a blown out thorax or something? Am I messing it up? Dual SARS didn't get it. I don't... Kyle, you might be on the wrong mic. Your mic is on the wrong mic.

A thorax is the middle part of insects. Oh, no. A thorax speaks for the... No, that's a lorax. I'm sorry. That's a larynx. Don't wrong. I know it's wrong. No, I'm saying still wrong on your mic. I know!

Kyle, have you fixed your mic? Try tapping your mic, Kyle. Insects have a thorax. Humans have a fucking larynx. It's still the wrong mic. Larynx speaks for the trees. What's funny is that. It's still the wrong mic. Larynx speaks for the trees. What's funny is that he knows it's the wrong mic, and it's hard to be told something a thousand times.

Because he really wanted to get that larynx comment in. How did his mic, like, go wrong while he was... I... When I sat down, my foot hit the wire, unplugged it from my mixer, and so it reverted to the camera mic. Well, that makes sense. Okay. Yeah, yeah.

God. We were talking about thoraxes. Oh, yeah, the voice thing. I guess smoking and yelling makes sense. I'll need to go back and watch 2002 Alex Jones and see if he sounds different. Go back and watch like 2002 Alex Jones and see if he sounds different. But did you listen to his Joe Rogan episode from like a year ago? I pop in to Joe Rogan like once every couple months, every month or so when I see a guest I like. Absolutely, Joe.

It's middle vampire. It was episode 9-11. Psychological vampires. Oh, he did one with Dana White? Is that what you said? No, no. Joe Rogan worked double time to squeeze a bunch of podcasts in so that when Alex Jones was the guest, it was episode 9-11.

Did he really? Yeah. That's hilarious. You know, Joe, I appreciate you doing that for me, but frankly, it's a little insulting given the fact that George W. Bush still walks free. He's responsible for it. We all know.

Everyone knows. Did you guys like that episode? Yeah, I liked it. Alex Jones? Yeah, absolutely. He went off the rails. At one point, he was talking to Joe about Joe being like, so you're kind of over the whole moon landing thing, right?

And he's like, Joe, actually, I had begun to get over it, then I was reaffirmed when i spoke to buzz aldrin or some other uh aviator some other astronaut and he told me it was 100 fake now you take that wherever you want to take it i'm taking it to the bank like that kind of thing and it was clear even in alex jones retelling of this that the astronaut was fucking with him. That he was like, so you agree that you never stepped foot on that moon?

And he was like, yeah, yeah, you know, I never did. It was actually on a fucking Miramax studio. So you do admit it then. And it's like that kind of level of thing. And he bought it and he ran with it. And it made me laugh. You didn't like his episode? Like you can't watch it and take him seriously.

I'm going to take heat for this. Here's my issue with it. Now, let me take a step back. This show, for the first, like, 150 episodes or something, it was like, hey, everyone's in Alpha Talk. You have to struggle to get your words in. We'd even tell the guests ahead of time, like, hey, what makes a good guest is inserting yourself into the conversation

and being heard. You can't just sit back. Just came here, and I'm going to insert myself in this conversation because that was what was told to me the first time that I came on the show. Did he say it to you? Hey, man. Yeah, but this was not – I don't think I was in the first 150, though. Okay. But, like, there was definitely a reputation from people who came on, like, hey, you've got to be, like, assertive or else you're just going to be silent in the background.

And then somewhere along the way i don't know i'll call it episode 250 but whatever it was like i started taking heat for interrupting and i was like wait a minute like we've always kind of interrupted you've talked to get your points in etc and i heard that episode with um alex jones and eddie bravo and more and i was like wow i get how interrupting can ruin a show because they were doing it to each other outrageously. And it helped me realize like, I, you know, I needed to improve and not do it so much. That was my takeaway from that show.

Was that, sorry. So what was the premise just like the evolution of you guys as hosts? No, I think we were talking about Eddie, Alex Jones. And then we worked to the peak the JRE episode with him and I said that it wasn't my favorite because they were all just like totally talking over each other trying to be right about wacky conspiracy theories and as a listener I was like man can you not both finish your point so I can hear them you guys you guys have definitely like from the I think I've been on here like six seven times

yeah it's like i've never i even even as far back as i can remember it was never like a problem it was there was definitely like a point where you know you have to make an assertive jump into the conversation but that's kind of how everything is like you have four people talking or weighing in on a subject that's just you have to be confident with your ability to put yourself out there that's that's not you guys but you know earlier shows can't comment on it yeah so i think i think yeah what's up changing the topic is another thing that like it used to be whatever i'll say truck talk would go on for 15 minutes and i'd be like new topic you know like like this thing's getting stale, right? And not so much anymore.

You know, now let it roll. We all hated truck talk. It was mostly about talking to wings, you know, because you never knew what was going to fall out of him at any moment. Something crazy was going to just come out of him. You know, I was playing PUBG today with my crew. I've got a pretty hardcore PUBG crew. Probably nothing like Tucker's. Tucker's probably playing with Shroud

and fucking some real hard asses. By the way, Shroud, if you're out there and you're into PUBG, watch fucking Shroud because he... You don't need to tell anybody to watch Shroud. I know that, but anyone who has not watched Shroud play fucking PUBG. There's this level of player where Grimms and most of the great streamers play PUBG,

and then there's this level where Shroud is, where it's this casual mouse flicking to heads. I watched him clear a house, and he walks in. There's two guys waiting on him with machine guns. And he goes, boom, boom, and just headshots both of them instantaneously with a shotgun. It was absurd. And he does it casually on a regular fucking basis. It's absurd. But anyway, we were playing PUBG today with Mitty Smitty and Class and all you guys, all my friends from New Zealand

who are actually awake when I'm playing with my fucked up sleep schedule. And we were talking about putting some money together and getting Wings a nice Christmas present because I'm buying myself a new gaming chair because this chair is just worn the fuck out and my ass goes numb during like a four-hour gaming session. So I know that Wings has been on that same chair forever. I'm thinking about getting...

I found a chair that is like the right size. Yeah, a gaming chair for Wings. I was on Amazon. He's been using the same one forever. I was thinking about getting him one for Christmas. I thought that would be a really nice thing to do because I know he needs it. I found one that's adequate and everything.

I think we're going to, like three or four of us to toss in a few bucks and pick that thing up for him. Can I throw in my two cents to your chair consideration, Kyle? I have had a lot of chairs. But this chair, and I'm going to stand up and try and show you it. Because you need to see the back of this chair, Kyle. Look at this fucking chair, Kyle. Look at this fucking chair. You see that shit? Ooh! Look at that.

What is it? This is a Herman Miller and it is the best chair I have ever owned, so much so that I've turned down thousands of dollars in sponsorships to only use this chair. Like, like, you know, DX Racer, all those, like, those chair companies. Well, I would sit

during PKA on a plunger for thousands. You turned down thousands, would turn down thousands but yes i did i did spend i think this chair was like fourteen hundred dollars but it certainly is what are the what are the the the general rules things that keep you separated from the ground you spend a lot of money on your bed your shoes and your chair like i spend 14 hours a day in this chair i want my chair to take care of me this is the best chair I have ever fucking had in my life. It is not even a close call. Can I jump in? Because I got some chair talk.

I have a Herman Miller chair too. And I had a bunch of chairs. And like Jericho, not so much now, but there were times where I spent all day in my chair. 14 hours a day, could be 20 hours in a day in this gosh darn chair and it has been great i did make the mistake of buying a refurb so it didn't have genuine herman chair herman miller arms which i had to replace but uh yeah the herman miller chairs are top of the line when you have one it will last you way longer and it will be better the entire time no all right bullshit chairs all right so first step yeah maybe first I had Chiz try to

get me a free chair all of us a free chair not just me or whatever but but try to hook us up with some free fucking chairs second of all I remember doing shit he might you don't know Herman yeah Herman might. He might be a PKA fan. Herman might be my boy. Herman might live right down the road from me and he's like, yeah, come get one. Come get one. I'm Herman the chair man.

Yeah, but maybe me and Herman go way back. You don't fucking know. So yeah, try to get us some free chairs. But if not, that's a lot of money to drop on a chair. I was looking at chairs that were like $500. And even then, I was like, pretty expensive chair, huh? How much did you spend on your mattress? A grand.

I got a Casper mattress. And I'm just so happy with it. Casper mattress is a sponsor tonight. We'll be talking about them later on in the show. But it's a fantastic. Actually, let me tell the folks about Casper right now. Wow. There's no better time than the present.

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Terms and conditions apply. That's casper.com slash pka, code code pka at checkout terms and conditions apply that's casper.com slash pka code pka at checkout fifty dollars toward any mattress purchase make it happen yeah i gotta say um my mattress was like a grand i got the king size mattress um my dad came over a few months ago and uh he'd never seen game of thrones so i like showed him like the the best of like the hits of game of thrones i started with battle of the bastards to try to you know get him get him sucked in. We were just sitting on my bed watching this thing and he's like,

damn, that's a nice mattress. I was like, that's a sponsor. You want one of these mattresses? I can't hook you up. I can give you a coupon code. I've got a nominal discount that I can afford you father so if you would like

if you'd like one of these things but it's a it's a pretty good discount it's $50 off of a grand it's it's an excellent freaking mattress I for some reason you know with all the exorbitant things I've spent money on my my favorite things got to be sleeping in the world like I'd rather sleep than eat I think I'd rather sleep than eat. I think I'd rather sleep than fuck. I'd rather have a great sleep. I really like my sleep.

I love it. I really like my pussy. I enjoy your pussy as well. I dream about it. But sometimes you dream about pussy. And that's even better than real pussy because it's fantasy pussy. It's blue woman pussy. It's free titty pussy.

Yeah, that's because you're not very imaginative. I bet it doesn't feel like anything in your dreams. It doesn't feel like anything in yours. It's a dream. Ah, it feels like a lot. I can feel pain in my dreams. No, you can't. I absolutely do feel pain in my dreams.

I do. It's scary. This is a falsehood. This happens a lot on our show. Unless somebody came and slapped you in the... Hold on. Time out. Smart mouth, then dinner, then Casper. This show will get you laid. That's what we're trying to do here, guys.

The trifecta. I will also say this. When I moved here, my first show here, I was still on a blow-up mattress. And after our show, I did buy a Casper mattress, which I do currently still use, a King. It showed up in a box that was literally

this big, and I pushed it in. It's vacuum-sealed, laid it on my bed, cut the vacuum, and went and that was it. It's a great mattress. It is good. And you guys don't pay me at all which is absurd pay me yeah you should they're great but it's not a dime but it is good if like if you're out there and you've never purchased a mattress before and you're like oh six hundred dollars or

whatever size you're buying that's ridiculous like it's not like go look at how much mattresses cost and it's baffling like when i was looking for my first mattress to buy like i it was like a sticker shock of like just googling it and being like how much could a mattress be like you know no more than you know a grand right and you look and if you wanted to get one good from a store it was like 3 500 no joke yeah like it's insane this is so much better all of us sleep on casper yeah, we absolutely do my mom had one of those like sleep by number beds. I think was 5,000 fucking dollars and The Casper is better. It honestly is better. You just don't have a stupid remote control to like

Make your bed uncomfortable when all the time. It's uh, it's excellent big fan I've used the uh, the number one. It's too many Big fan of the Catholic. I've used the number one. It's too many options. And none of them feel good. Yeah, I'm not a fan. I threw it away. It's not high quality. She was like, you want this mattress? I don't know what to do with it anymore. It's all electric and stuff.

And I threw it in the dumpster. It was $5,000. Just tossed away and sent to the landfill. Just tossed away. You looked like you had something, Woody. I was going to change topic. What is on your anti-bucket list? The list of things you never want to do again. Stick something...

Wait, do we have to have done it? I like the again. I do too. This one's specifically for Chiz. So when I was in college in Wilmington, Envious had a uh a land tournament with gunner optics like this was 2011 and at the time hastro was like hey man like we honestly don't have the budget to like fly you out here from wilmington to greensboro

north carolina so we're gonna put you on a goddamn Greyhound bus. It's a three hour straight shot from Wilmington to, uh, no, you were not there. It was myself. Um, I think Trevor was there. Um, but it was like, yeah, like scum was there. It was like a bunch of like cod pros at the time. And, uh, it was a three hour straight drive, but it was an eight hour Greyhound drive. And I have never in my life thought to myself Wow who the fuck uses buses? Except for that that right there when I was sitting on the bus sharing my entire bus with a bunch of people who like I Really didn't need to be around it was a miserable long-ass experience never again will I do I will walk Fuck buses chis this fear of flights, I will take a Spirit Airlines flight anywhere over-

Like, it's that bad. I would head down to Woody's feet as he's- A Greyhound bus with vagrants, vag- Just a whole metal cylinder of miscreants people on a bus after two put them on a bus

the stream is lagging and everyone's but it's not me this time it's fine they're all saying F it's not anything I time. It's fine. They're all saying F. It's not anything I did. I'm watching the stream.

No, you're fine. I'm watching the stream. You're framing. And I hear it. Maybe it got better. No, it's definitely your... Look in the bottom. You see that green or probably orange bar? Yeah. No, it's green.

It's bright green. I have a gigabit internet here. And it's 3.5kb, 0% drop frames. I think it's CPU bound. Then it has to be CPU? What's your CPU usage on your OBS? Still bottom right corner. Specifically? Then it has to be CPU? What's your CPU usage on your OBS? On OBS specifically? Actually, CPU usage is not in the bottom

right corner. Open up your OBS. What are you using to encode? Oh, I bet that's it, but I don't think I can change it. No, I bet that's it, but I don't think I can change it. Let me open up my OBS. No, I can't change it when live.

But hit settings. Go to... Yeah, go settings and go to output. And then tell me what... Probably in simple. Tell me what your encoder is. Settings. I went to settings, settings,

one moment. Settings. That's not actually a choice, but I'll go to settings, settings. What? I went to. Oh my God.

Using legacy. Classic. Hey man, I haven't done this for a while. You're using a version as pro. It's continued. Go. Um, Classic! Hey man, I haven't done this for a while. You're using a version of ProGurus continued a year ago! Oh no! Um... shit.

I don't want to have my laptop on my computer. I just want it to get better! ...okay? You know, I tested it and everything was fine! I tested it! God damn it! Well, next time I'll upgrade my OBS. I don't know, it's just been working for so long. I mean, frankly though, we're three hours in, and this is the first hangup. So...

Three and a half hours. Yeah, honestly, three and a half hours in? Time flies. Alright. I really want to get some of the horrible, horrible things. I'm going to...

First off, this is the best episode I've been on despite the fact that I'm definitely uncomfortable. You let off with the worst drama I've been through. I was like, I can't believe you could throw me to the wolves at the start. I didn't do that. That was chis. I have no problem talking about it. You throw me to the wolves at the start. I didn't do that. I didn't do that. Chiz did that. That was Chiz. That was Chiz.

I have no problem talking about it. No, I don't. To the point, like, several times in this episode. It has nothing to do with recording, by the way, Woody. So do not do recording. The recording is still live and crystal clear right now. But the Twitch output. It's so weird that this is the case, though. It got better for just a second.

Nobody's hitting F to pay for sex anymore, so it might be over. I'm wondering what wrong with it. You know. I feel like I could close something and make it better, but I'm literally running just the things I need. Like OBS, Chrome, Skype. That's the whole thing.

I love so little hell situations. Hey, did you open up your fucking taskbar and tell me your CPU usage? Do you know how RAM intensive that program is? Because he's Firefox. My CPU usage. Honestly.

It's kind of a complicated question nowadays with all the damn cores. 50%. 50, 54, 61, 49. Save, save, save. Wait a minute. She just hung up and it said saved. His PC froze. So he'll be back.

What does saved mean? Wait. Saved means you saved it. Like it's fixed. Yeah, they're implying it's okay now. What is wrong with you? Say that again. WikiFeet, where you at?

Yo, if Chiz comes back and it ruins it, it's Chiz's problem. Him leaving and coming back to you. Kyle! Get your fucking feet out the face! What the fuck? I'm not gonna... Kyle hasn't incredibly... No, no, no, no, seriously.

You can't show your feet. Kyle, you can't show your feet on stream. I can absolutely show my feet on stream. No, I'm just letting you know you cannot. He's saying it's a Twitch rule. Would you stop? It's a rule. Are you serious? I'm saying you know you know would you stop are you serious I'm ass fuck what if I take my shirt off you can take your shirt off I don't want to look I'm not gonna be the bastion of this is right

and this is wrong I'm just saying that that's a rule you- Cause feet are hypersexualized. Not Kyle so much. Nobody- Nobody's getting off of what I just showed you. That's what you think. That's what you think. Hey, if you're a lady out there and you want a solid toe fucking, F the guest Kyle. Alright.

Alright? I can insert the big... I mean, I wish I could demonstrate, but you saw what I was doing there. I could totally get the big boy in there and use number two to, like, operate the clit. Number two! Number two!

If you're being honest with yourself, you bring a nice lady home. She's not ravishing to the point where you're like, oh, my God, I have to have her, but she's cute. Okay. a nice lady home. She's not ravishing to the point where you're like, oh my god, I have to have her, but she's cute. And she wants you to give her, what would the terminology be? A toe fuck?

That's not a likely scenario. The likelier scenario is she comes home, you bring her home, and she's like, fuck my feet. Fuck, like, she puts her feet together like this oh no that's that's just normal kind of weird i'm talking about a new kind of weird where she's like she's gonna lay back and and kyle is gonna give her a toe fuck i think we

agreed on the terminology so where you put your your big toe there, and you put that in, and then you use your other one, I guess, as like a little, you know, curly clit. Yeah, yeah. To work up. Would you actually do that, or would you not? I don't know if you would. Once you got in the position with your foot up there, and you were... Look, Taylor, you are sadly mistaken if you don't think I've toe-fucked a bitch before. Wait, have you toe-fucked somebody? I've absolutely toe-fucked a bitch before. Wait, have you toe-fucked somebody?

I've absolutely toe-fucked somebody. Let's go, champ. You need to explain the story to me right now. I want you to slowly work up to the climax and then tell me. We were in bed and, you know, I was like, I'm gonna stick my toe

in her pussy, and I did. That was not what I wanted. How many toes did you put in? I just gonna stick my toe in her pussy. And I did. That was not what I wanted. How many toes did you put in? I just put the big toe in. Did she enjoy it or did she go, never mind, this isn't what I thought it would be? She thought it was really funny. Like, we were laughing about it. I lubed it up first.

So it was like the kind of joke that wasn't like off the cuff. It was like, this is gonna be hilarious. Just watch. Why are you lubing your toe up? Shut up. Shut up. I'm not untying you until we do this! Well, I think first I started like, just kinda like, just kinda like, rubbing her pussy with my foot,

and then I was like, ah, I'm going in. I'm going in for the kill here. And I just did. And I did. And she was like, ah! Your toe's in my pussy! And I was like, yeah, it is, absolutely. They call me Dr. Shoals. Did you? toes in my pussy. I was like, yeah, it is. Absolutely. Call me Dr. Scholls. Did you?

Call me Dr. Scholls. You better hope I don't have athlete's foot. You ever get athlete's pussy? It's rough. You can't just spray that. Fast actin' to nactin' will not solve that problem, I promise you. I wonder not the hard way. You're going to have to go to some more than John Madden to get Medicaid and insoles on that thing

Put them in your panties like a maxi pad. I was just going to say the same joke. You were one step ahead. Nicely done. God damn it. I can't believe you toe-fucked somebody. I put all kinds of things in person. Actually, I can believe you toe-fucked somebody.

I just didn't really believe it. Nothing wrong with that. Yeah, nothing wrong with that. You know, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, wrong with that. Yeah, nothing wrong with that. You know, like, you know, consenting adults, you know, stuff goes in holes. That's what you do.

You know, I've told the glow stick story many times. You got some big glow sticks? Turn off the lights. Let's have some fun. You know? Wait, could you see the glow stick through the stomach? No, it wasn't that bright. That was, I thought...

That was like number one. Wait, but what about a bag light? Ah, the wings. Stop, stop, stop. Really, we pick on that poor guy too much. That's just it picking on him. Wings is always talking about utilizing a mag light. As a weapon of destruction.

Wings is using a mag light in a Viking way. That's also what he calls a penis. Like he would make teeth soup with that mag light. Like Olaf. maglite in a Viking way. That's also what he calls a Viking way. Like he would make teeth soup with that maglite. Like Olaf, the Viking warrior. Yeah, picking on wings at all. The only bad thing I've said about wings is that he takes

shits as big as that tiny woman. But I mean, that's just funny. I think after all of our cheese and meat binging, we can all claim a little shit the size of that lady. Bro, have you taken a shit recently where you've sat there and been like, okay, now we're done, and then a full two more shits worth come out of you, and you're like, where is this being stored? I didn't even feel sick to myself. When that happens, so I'm trying to lose weight.

I'm always working at it, et cetera. Sometimes it's like, wow, I should weigh in now. I should weigh in now because that had to be four pounds. It had to be. Like, really? Like, I'm shocked. Like, we're doming out of the water. We've crested the water line.

Like, this is just. Or like when you take enough of a shit that it's not even submerged anymore. That's what I mean. We've crested the water line. It it's not even submerged anymore. It's more like It's over it's out of its breathing fresh air. Hey, there's ten times as much shit under the water Oh my god. Island shit. This whole episode is something else, man. This is my favorite episode I've ever been on.

This is the best. Yeah, it's fun. Doing it live is neat. Have you never put anything unusual in a woman's vagina? I thought you were going to go with the pee hole there. I know. Me too. I don't do that. I'm like, there was the tweezers that time. No, that's an exit only.

I put an action figure in somebody's vagina. What kind? He-Man? No. G.I. Joe. That was my guess. Kung Fu Grip? It was not.

It was a Power Ranger. Yeah, I was going to say, I want to say it was an unmasked power ranger like it had like the full suit but no helmet it was a master was the green ranger i don't know man i had a crush on the yellow ranger i have a story my uh just the mask coming off reminded me of it so i'm in i'm like 13 years old and i've got this friend i'm gonna full out name him joe teresini and uh dogs you can't do that on twitch i didn't know that anyway joe's a great guy we're good friends as kids and he got him with some girl he manages and by the way we live at the beach right so under the boardwalk he hooks up with her and he's like I went down I got in there I pulled out my hand and all the sand was gone like like it was a

wonderful like a frosted doughnut and it came out glazed Frosted donut and it came out glazed. Oh my god. So someone got a urinary tract infection. And it came out glazed. He thought it was the greatest thing. You gave her the old sandy clam. Yeah. It burned into my head

until the day I die. It was just like a wonderful attribute of a vagina, that it could take sand off of things. Oh, no, what the fuck? She was spitting out pearls. Like, to this day, he's, like, tuning up his car. He gets it done. All black and greasy from working on the engine. Come here, honey

Gojo Fast orange my ass Lava? Oh, I don't think so. Look at that Can't be done. You got it on the fingernail Thanks babe Like wiping your doing the fingernail thing You know when you got like grit on your fingernail and you like run run it through your hair to help get it out if you don't have a nail brush? He's doing that in her pubes.

That's why he keeps goats. Oh, for the goat vaginas? Yeah, yeah. It's a two-step joke, I guess. Anyway. Tucker, if you had to fuck an animal, which animal would you fuck? Wow. What a... what a state...

Probably that two-headed bitch. Oh man, if I had to fuck an animal, which... It would have to be like an animal that would not be like, ruined by me having sex. Didn't... didn't wings fuck a cow? A cow, yeah. Yeah, it was the winged... I would not fuck a cow, man. Ugh...

You know what you can fuck? That you might be surprised by a chicken. That's not what... It's not good for the chicken. Is this a BuzzFeed ad? This is an animal you can fuck that may surprise you. Five animals that may surprise you that you can put your dick in.

You'll be like, I'm not surprised by a goat at all. Everyone knows that. No, but they pass eggs. Kyle is a chicken expert. I should listen. Yeah, I'm not surprised by goat at all. Everyone knows that. No, but they pass eggs. Well, Kyle is a chicken expert. I should listen. Yeah, I believe that chickens don't have – the exit hole of the chicken has always been a bit of a mystery. Even to myself, I believe it's called a perineum or something. No, it's called a poeca, and it's where the egg and the chicken comes out.

Yes, yes. It's this weird hole that lots of stuff comes out of, and you don't want to get up in that. And look, a chicken, you need penetration. You've got to be going up in there. You're pushing organs around, and there's chicken bones in there. What if a chicken bone goes in your pee hole, and then you've got to go to the doctor and get a wishbone pulled out? I've got the alpha bone.

Let that chicken worry about me. The doctor's like, oh, I get a wish. Dad, no! No, it didn't come true. You're still here. Is your wish to not go to prison for bestiality? It's not gonna come true. The authorities are on the way. Uh, yeah. Uh, that's

disgusting. No, no kidding. Okay, what do you got? Beat it. Who was it that said they'd fuck the snake? It was Ice Poseidon, right? That was Ice Poseidon. You guys had Ice on the stream? Yeah, about four shows ago. Oh, it was that recent. Damn, I was like, you should have him back on.

Yeah, maybe. He will. He's a funny dude. He is a funny dude. He's genuinely fucking hilarious. I definitely have him on any day of the week. That guy is bizarre. You know, sometimes you suck a dick, you know, just for the memes.

He's just hilarious. He's talking about even his sub liked our show and his sub is not a big fan of anything. Yeah, his sub hates me. His sub hates me. His sub does not enjoy guests. They seem to like us. Worse yet, his sub has me his sub hates me his sub is not enjoying yes oh they seem to like us worse yet his sub has no opinion of me whatsoever so hey that's the best opinion when you're when his sub does has no opinion on you you're you're winning you're you're set

you're good yeah he said uh he was talking about hooking up with this transsexual in his younger years. And he's like he even he had like years ago this had happened to him and he had posted on like the bodybuilding forums that he used to be really big on. Not big, but like he frequented like, oh, I just hooked up with a tranny. I didn't even know it active. And and on there and he gave us this old ass link to an an image of her and his, like, statement, like, right after it had happened. He was like, come on, guys, look at her. Like, you can't tell, right? Tucker, you are much prettier than the person that he hooked up with.

You are a much more passable girl right fucking now than the person that he hooked up with. It was rough. What's the name of that? You know the buzzard from Looney Tunes where it's like uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh with that giant Adam's apple? That's what that picture looked like where she just would have walked in and you'd see the giant

Adam's apple. It was clear and we all noticed it right away. And the people were proud. To be fair, he's, you know, he's Oh, man, I'm not. You know what? Good for him. Good for him. He's not even going to delve into any of this.

But he said he'd fuck a snake in the mouth. So I'm curious what, you know, that one's taken. I think I would pass a snake. I don't know if I had to choose, man, but it would definitely be an animal larger than me. So I could probably do it without... Did you say owl?

I said cow. Oh, I just... You know, man, I'm not... I've seen them... I guess they inseminate them or something. I've just seen people go arm deep in a cow. Like, I've got nothing for a cow. Yeah.

That dude we talked about earlier has nothing for a cow yeah that dude we talked about earlier has nothing for a cow nobody does no no man no man born in this earth that's disgusting i i can just imagine him i just imagine like like he's standing there like the mr peanut guy with like one one leg like cocked up on the knee of the other like leaning up against the building holding the dick in one hand and spinning it around like a can. Like, hello, ladies. This is with that enormous fucking 20-inch foreskin cock.

I'm down, Cal. Hmm. I don't know. I said panda originally and I like chicken. I just feel like the lightness of it, the way you can use it like a fleshlight, it's good. Poor fucking chicken. i've seen a video of a man fucking a chicken and it is violent and the chicken dies really yeah yeah i mean but eggs come from there it's a five pound bird you

can't oh you're seven or eight inches a dick in it how much dick you got kyle some of us working with two to three. Look. Are we still talking about what animal you want to be with? Yes! I'm trying to segue, and they're just, like, hammering home. Nobody likes a cock fragger. Isn't that funny how it works sometimes where, like, Tucker's trying to segue away from a topic, and Kyle's like, yeah, yeah, that's really interesting.

Like, that new game is good. So which animal would you fuck though? I think that horses are pretty attractive from the back. I've seen a lot of animated Funtari or whatever the fuck on Reddit. I just scroll through those

NSFW links at lightning speed and I'm just clickety click, clickety click. And sometimes you just end up seeing some some animated horse pussy and and it's it's usually pretty pleasing to the eye so i i think a wait you just said animated though animated is isn't well but it but it's you know it's drawn to be lifelike i've i've seen a horse vagina you trust the kind of person who recreationally draws horse pussy i think they i think think they're they know their business. Okay. They've got one little corner of this world

and they've got it hedged. They know horse pussy. Do you want to know why I think the rapture will never happen? It's because God was like alright now's the time and then he tunes in and he sees this and he's like never mind we'll just wait another thousand years like we're not doing this now.

Well I mean it's not like we get left here alone anyway. I don't know, man. Maybe he was trying to save us all and he was like, nope, not ready yet. Let's push this one back a thousand. Oh my god. I wish that the rapture would happen. Me too. If we had a nice even split

on the moral ground, get the people that are really caring about it out of here, and then let's have a nice Mad Max Lawless Land. There you go, baby. PUBG IRL. I'm ready to go full cyberpunk. Oh my god. Chiz and I were playing PUBG duos today,

and he was in one car and I was in another car, and we were driving up to a compound. There's like nine teams left, and we're one of them, and a fucking crotch rocket comes up behind me and rear ends my Dacia. And it blows it up? No. It sent me into fucking orbit, spinning. And I'm in the car. That's the most fun.

And I'm just going, ah, ah, ah. And I hear Chiz killing the guys on the ground. He kills both of them. And I land on the fucking tires like 200 yards away. I'm like, you got him? He's like, yeah, I got him. Where the guys on the ground. He kills both of them, and I land on the fucking tires, like, 200 yards away. I'm like, you got him? He's like, yeah, I got him. Where the fuck are you? I'm like, I wouldn't.

Wait, you landed, and it didn't blow up? Yeah. Yeah. It was, and I love that the replays were there, because I've got it all recorded. And I can go back and watch. It was fucking hilarious. Like, I'll see streamers laugh when they do that, and I'm like, ah, come on, it's not that funny.

But when it happened to me, I was dying, just hysterically laughing. You need to clip that or edit it and upload it to the subreddit, because I don't think I've seen one where you get set in the stratosphere, where you land and you're like... What's the stratosphere? It was, like, I don't know, six seconds of airtime, seven,

you know, just up in the air, spinning, spinning, spinning, spinning, spinning, spinning, land on the wheels, and then drive back over and hop out, and Jesus killed both guys. It was hilarious. That's awesome. Yeah. PUBG has that allure of, like, finish game, but early access bugs that you're not even mad when they happen.

Like, where two cars run into each other, and then you both just disappear from the map, and you're like, I can't even hate it. It's great. That's why I like it. I love it, man. It's my favorite game that I've ever played. I think it has replaced Call of Duty 4.

I have more fun playing every game of PUBG. Pump your brakes. Every single game of PUBG I play is just lots of fun. like every game i i i don't know if i can do that it's definitely it's definitely top three games that i played of all time but and and i say that very tentatively because i played some really good games but it is in terms of like overall enjoyment top three call of duty is solidly number one though no man i have

more fun in this Like I'm better I'm pretty good at it I'm not great but I'm better than most of the people We run into You're pretty good at COD too though Yeah you were really good at COD Yeah I'd shit on people in COD pretty regularly

But that got old after a while Like this is new This is new It doesn't make it better all time though you could have some sort of anti-nostalgia glasses on so one of the things i think that makes me love it a lot is like this is my first pc shooter that i've ever played like i didn't play cs i didn't play anything and so like i'm having to get good at pc fps on this for the first time so i feel like it's uh there's a difference it It's been a real rocky road at first

where I'm just like, I can't walk around well and I'm getting better. Every time I play, I get a little bit better. So I'm still getting better at the game, which I really appreciate. At some point, COD,

you just level out. Like, this is as good as I'm ever going to get. I'm never going to get better than this. I'm never going to get more fast Twitch. It's just... I've peaked. But with this, I you like you like quick twitch

muscle memory like jimmy the greek get yourself yeah i think i think you're addicted like the the self-improvement which is totally acceptable but like i put 1200 hours in a counter-strike and like that game is disgusting to me and i put 1500 hours in the league and i never want to play that game again. But Call of Duty has a special place in my heart because I like the mechanics of it. PUBG, I am getting better, but I'm definitely not good at the game. Like, you know, Shroud is a different level.

Oh, you're good, man. I've watched you play, and I've watched you. I see your clips on the montages and on the, like, funny clips and best clips and shit. You've got a great shot. You're good. I'm okay for Twitch, but I'm definitely subpar when you have all these XCS and raw

input game pros. You're not like a tournament level pro CS guy or anything. That's why people don't understand like Shroud played a game, Counter-Strike, where raw mouse input and aim was king. And he was one of the best in the world.

That's why he is one of the best, if not the best, in PUBG. I'm not there. But I enjoy the personal growth that the game gives me where I'm like, oh, I enjoy picking up these guns. Oh, but now I like the M16. Now I like the car. That self-improvement is satisfying. Ooh, M16 with a compensator. I like the M1A1 with a compensator on that thing.

I really like that. Yeah. Because I feel like it's so versatile. There's no M1A1. I'm sorry, Mini 14. Yeah, the Mini 14. The Mini, yeah. The Mini with the compensator and extended mag is, like, a really satisfying gun.

Yeah, it's so versatile that, like, you can use it for your long-range gun and, like, rock an UMP, or you can use it as your short-range gun and rock a Kar98 with it or something like that. Like, you can just shoot that thing so fucking fast. They treat that game right with the mod support that they want to do with it.

That game will be, you know, I don't even know what to compare it to, like Team Fortress? It'll have these subset games with mod support. I know that I've talked to Brandon, PlayerUnknown, who's like, I want a role-playing server. And I'm like, how are you going to do a fucking role-playing

server in PUBG? And he's like, well, we just turn off the guns. And I was like, that's not going to fuck, that's going to work, huh off the guns and I was like that's not gonna fuck that's gonna work huh there's gonna be people that will make it work with mod support that game has a lot of potential yeah Mad Max

Mad Max mod will be a thing for sure there's so many different mods you could do for that game do I hear the birth of Woody G right here on the show? Woody G? Oh, my God. I wish that...

So Taylor doesn't know how to play PC games. Let me take that back. Taylor is not a WASD player. He is not a... He cannot walk around and shoot. He's good at RTS. He's very good at RTS, but for some reason he's not putting in

I think he's gaming a lot over on that, what's that game called? Tinder. Me too! He's trying to max out. You want to swap Tinder stories? Taylor, I have to warn you, Taylor is quite the pub stomper on Tinder.

Give me tips! Give me tips, Taylor! The Midwest Tinder is more kind to you than me, apparently. Oh, wait. You gave Tinder a go in the Midwest? No, I haven't. I'm saying that Tinder in LA is not... I'm striking out.

It's an empty, barren wasteland of Instagram models. Oh, okay. Well, I mean... Yeah, best advice I can give is stop the running and start lifting weights like no girl's like god man that guy the endurance if we were being chased he would leave me in the dust like no she wants to be like if we were being chased he would scoop me up and run us to fucking safety! And then you'd get gassed and be like... And then you'd try and run a little bit more! But that seems to work.

Okay, I'll start hitting the gym. So is it not like... are you using it very often? Because I use it in spurts, where like, for, like, a week-long period, I'll use it just all the time. Like, just because it's like, all right, let's get something going. And then for a week, I won't even open it. Yeah, Tinder and Bumble are very much, like, sporadic. Like, oh, I get the urge to, like, swipe for the next, like, 30 minutes here. And, like, usually it's, like, in an airport or, like, during Thanksgiving.

And like, usually it's like in an airport or like during Thanksgiving. It's L.A. Tinder, I want to say, is way weirder than anybody else's because there's like a formula. Like these girls will have a selfie, a picture of them in front of one of the three Instagram spots, a pink wall, a wall with wings or the ice cream museum where they're in a tub of sprinkles. And then the next picture will be at a club, whether it's bottle service or otherwise. And then the next picture will be them with their animal or on the beach. Like that's like- But let me ask you this. Does it say in their bio, I probably swiped right on you because of your dog and I like adventures? Either that or it'll say,'s my venmo see what five dollars will get you that is something i don't think any like it literally will have their venmo which is

uh for those who don't know you can send money and request money from people and it'll say send me five dollars see what happens it's like i've seen that i've like i've matched to the girl who was like who had something similar to that? She didn't come out and say, I'm selling underwear. But it was clear because her pictures were of underwear and her face wasn't in it. And it was her saying, you know, PayPal here. And I, you know, matched with her because I was doing my far. Did you send the money, though?

Just a lot of right swipes. And then she sent something to me initially, which is a red flag for a cute girl to be messaging you first. They always want you to message first. And they go, she's like, hey, so what are you interested in? And I was like, what do you mean? What do you mean? What am I interested in? Like, you know, just probably some casual fun.

How about you? You know? And she was like, well well i sell underwear on here and then she sent me fucking like honestly like an excel spreadsheet of prices and differential oh my god she's working it and i was just like you know that's great like good for you i hope you kill it no thanks i don't want your dirty underwear i don't want to do laundry underwear. I don't want to do laundry. Let me show you a Tinder profile, like, very, very much like with a shitty webcam. This was the fourth person that I swiped on,

just so I can make my point. Here's the Tinder wall with the wings. I'm having trouble seeing. All right. Here's her with wings. Here's her in front of a christmas tree here's her with her friend in a nice dress yeah come on here's her fall snapchat and then here's her in front of a twitter wall that is every girl and then her bio says i don't know what i'm doing anymore

and then her instagram handle yeah you gotta love it when a girl sends you her menu. Every single person on Tinder. Every single one. What do you mean by her menu? I don't understand. So I hooked up with, I won't say who it is, but if I said who it was, everyone listening and here would know who it is. Yeah, don't say it.

I already know. You might. listening and here would know who it is yeah don't um and i already know yeah you might and anyway um like um i was going um i was going to go on that uh that ski trip that woody attended up in uh um vermont and uh and i was like no no this is years ago how could it be that person the ski trip was years ago oh i just said it that person? I didn't know it was years ago. Oh, I just said it. It doesn't matter. Chat making their false assumptions. Keep it on the down low! We've actually known each other for years.

And anyway, I'd already hooked up with this girl in LA or whatever and and slept with her and and spent the night in my in my room or whatever and then uh i was gonna going on this vermont trip and i was like ah send word to so and so that we're going to vermont ask if she'd like to come along and you know be with me there and then you know i'll fly her in and everything and um her menu was relayed to me and it's's like, well, it'll be $500 for this and $850 for that and $1,000 for anal. And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Is she just a prostitute? Wait, that's so different. I did not. I have never matched or had that experience with anybody. It's usually just a Venmo. And then what I assume, you send them five bucks and they go, hey. It's like a barrier

of entry thing. But that's a whole other level. How conceited of a person do you have to be to price your own asshole at $1,000? You're not that special, sweetie. I price my asshole way above $1,000. No, but you're not selling it. You're saying that you would no one's buying a lot in

order to be basically coerced into anal sex yeah tucker young man uh i used to price my asshole at a thousand dollars no sales whatsoever had to cut that way down north carolina i live in la i could go to west i wouldn't get my ass fucked no problem okay right point taken i was like well i had no idea she was a prostitute no no money for anything like like i know i'm providing yeah i'm providing travel here like like i'm not i'm not i'm not looking for some prostitution like like like were you also turned off by the the asshole $1,000, though? That seems the pricey price. Am I the only one that thinks that's a reasonable price for butt sex? No, yeah, that was the correct price.

Really? Yeah, that was the correct price. I prefer the free kind. Okay, we're not... That is my favorite price. Well, if you're fucking... I love free. There's a huge demand for it as well.

If you're going to fuck an internet celebrity in the butthole you're going to be paying up Taylor that's just the way it works okay alright that's just how it works I haven't fucked any internet celebrities in the butthole well then what are you even doing here what have you been doing with your time

all of these years the jig's up many an internet celebrity in the butthole and i've never paid once i still don't know who it is good yeah you know what i don't want to know i can't believe that you don't know i have no way of relaying it to you right now obviously there is a chat but yeah i i'm afraid that like you're showing the chat, though, right? I'm not. Just tell them after the show. It doesn't matter. Yeah, I'll tell you after the show. I have no...

It's not top secret. It's funny, the way we do that pretty... When we do that with each other where we're like, I'll tell you after the show. I'll tell you after the show. By the time the end of the show comes around, any interest is totally lost. Where someone will be like actually what i

was talking about there it was that weekend in uh in in chicago in 2011 everybody's like whatever just help us think of a title like nobody cares like we're done we're tired like yeah and it's not like i'm just trying to like tease people or like you know i i don't kiss and tell i don't i don't be dropping no names over here. That's not cool. That's not a nice thing to do. I can't believe that you would bang Enzo Danino. I don't even know who that is.

Likely. That sounds like a nice dessert at an Italian restaurant. It's Paul Danino. You have the Enzo Danino. Just like a mummy you make. When you banged it, did she take off the Elsa costume, or did she just do

the Spider-Man Elsa thing with you? No, he was wearing the Spider-Man. She was walking across him in high heels. I'm always dressed as Spider-Man. I've seen the role play. A little webbing. You know, we like to have fun with this.

A bit of a webbing. A little webbing. We like to have fun with a bit of a webbing. I feel like Spider-Man would be good for some sort of bondage roleplay because that's his thing, right? Oh my god, he's like, you like that? How have I never thought of that?

You're like hoisting the chick up suspending her and like hi how are you now does spider-man come web yeah he absolutely does no that's a sticky situation all right so it depends on which man we're talking about so that's dumbest all right so so in some of the comics slash cartoons spider-man through a like through his mutation emits web from his wrist through these little orifices he has there but in some of them he's like a he's like a genius inventor as well as being a half spider-man so he creates these little cartridges that go in this little thing and he's carrying them

around on his belt he's always having to reload so it depends what spider-man we're talking about right I mean the one with the actual physical ability is infinitely cooler. The one with the cans of silly string on his wrist, basically, can eat shit. Like, I have no interest in that kind of superhero. Like, you're already living in a fantasy world. Just add a little more fantasy. Don't be like, well, he is a Spider-Man, and he runs on walls, and he's very strong. But the web thing, is the audience going to buy it?

No. I don't know. That's dumb. I'm so fucking over superhero movies of all shows. Thank you! Tucker, I have been on this bandwagon since it was just me. Tag me in! I was like, Infinity War is coming! And everybody's like, he's just a hater!

And it's like, when's the last time a blockbuster came out that didn't have a guy in tights or some dickhead shooting bows and arrows at people well that actually is part of your genre the guys in tights and bows and arrows but but they shoot bows and arrows in my genre because that's the best projectile weapon they have at range this guy is just a cunt who's like yeah i don't want to have a gun i want to be unique with my foldy douchey push it out and pull it back in bow and then shoot my my oh i hope hawkeye in i haven't seen any of the movies since the first one i hope he's in a horrible car accident and like he doesn't even get like a dignified superhero death it's more of like he dies uh of a battle because it's so chaotic in the city that the nurse forgot to change

his fluids and he just dehydrates. Why do we have clearly non-superhero people involved in superhero movies? They do a good job though. I was very impressed in the first Civil War how they made these different superheroes and some of them

are amazing and some of them are not so amazing they managed to make them all useful I was watching the Infinity War trailer I saw Star Wars by the way loved it I'll circle back to it I was like I'm watching the Marvel series thinking

it is the modern day Star Wars it is the franchise that defines this generation of movies. It's the top one. What is then? I'm not saying it is. I don't think it's the modern day Star Wars because Avengers and Marvel itself

they don't have the it's the top series right now but it's not the cultural cloud that Star wars has that's like a whole different you know what i mean like that's like a whole i feel like that's a whole nother level up well i'm not saying all decades are equal just you know of this last like 10 years what's bigger than the marvel stuff i think if you're talking last 10 years you're totally right like i don't i don't know uh dc and i would i include dc and marvel together

because i don't know which ones are which but superhero movies as a whole that's the dominant thing over the last 10 years not nothing else even comes close does it like to superhero no all right so there's a uh and i will loop we'll loop back around but there was no no there was there were some there were thematic like progressions it we had a dinosaur era, and then we had a zombie era. Now we're in the superhero era. All these die. Superhero era needs to die. We need to go to somewhere else.

You know where I want to go? Westerns. You too? That's the last time we had a fucking... Get us a good, the bad, and the ugly. Yeah, give us some good westerns, some spaghetti westerns. Let's get those out there. That's a genre that hasn't been tapped in so long us a good the bad and the ugly yeah give us some good westerns some spaghetti westerns let's get those out there like that's a genre that hasn't been tapped in so long in a good way huh yeah i'm surprised yeah we're on this on star wars so one i i am not going to spoil star

wars in the slightest so if you're watching this i swear i thought in advance what i'm going to say to make sure it's spoiler free one i really I really enjoyed it. I thought that was good about it. This is the only other thing. It was long and I felt like it was a value. I feel like nowadays there are so many good TV shows that are an hour, like Breaking Bad or Game of Thrones or whatever, that paying $11 or in my case,

if I take a family or a kid or something, I'm in this thing for like 30 bucks. 30 bucks for a good 90 minute show doesn't feel like a value. You're totally right. But Star Wars was really long and it almost felt like more than one movie.

And I felt like I got my money's worth. So I really enjoyed it. Is the reception of the new Star Wars movie pretty good? Pretty bad? It's passionate and it's mixed. It's real bad. Chiss is bad in all caps. It's pretty bad. It's passionate and it's mixed. It's real bad. Chiz says BAD in all caps. It's terribly bad.

It's like 56% on Rotten Tomatoes. It is the worst user rated Star Wars movie of all time. Below Phantom Menace. How low? Like 50, 60, 70? It's a couple percent below the worst, but it is the worst.

Yeah, it was 55% on Rotten Tomatoes. All right, so can I give my armchair reasoning behind this? You don't have to spare spoilers. I don't care. I'm not... No spoilers. I'm not going to spoil shit. So I got to go to the premiere of this show, or of the movie. I'm sorry.

I got to go to the premiere. Yes, the premiere of The Last Jedi. I had never seen a full Star Wars movie besides the first time I saw this Phantom Menace when it came out. That was it. So the night before, I watched a synopsis of the original movies, which, sacrilegious, I know, I don't give a shit, and then I watched the full movie of The Force Awakens.

I enjoyed The Force Awakens way more than I thought I would. I went to the movie, and I enjoyed that way more than I thought I would. Like, I thought I was gonna leave there going, alright, this was not a waste of my time. It was a good movie for a new fan.

Holy shit. And then I realized, wow, are they trying to appeal to new fans, people that are in another generation from the people that are diehards? Maybe. Also, you have, somebody made a comment, you have fans of Star Wars making Star Wars movies, and that's not necessarily a good thing.

Right? Like, instead of having somebody making Star Wars movies, you have somebody who grew up loving Star Wars now making a Star Wars movie. They might be trying too hard to make it this iconic thing. I enjoyed it. I did not regret my time spent there. I do now want to go watch the original movies

in order uh the correct order in full and that's from a new fan standpoint from an old fan stone standpoint totally get how it was underwhelming or like not living up to standards but you got to remember disney bought this this company to gain market share in this area so like, like, I feel like they did a good job catering to people like me. Maybe that's the wrong audience to cater to, but, like, I enjoyed it. I mean, I like your point about fans making it. That's interesting. I didn't see it, but the one thing that I did hear in reviews

is apparently they destroy something. Chiz just mentioned this in the chat as well. They apparently, they destroy something in the movie by flying up one of their spaceships through it at light speed. And it's like, yeah, you can't just introduce that because I remember when I was a kid and I

liked the original movies and I'd watch those, you know, on my, on the VHS. And it was like, why wouldn't anybody have done that back then? It's not like someone just now was like, oh, fuck, so many of us died. No, when that happened, I turned to my friend who was sitting next to me, and I go, why didn't they do that originally?

my friend who was sitting next to me and I go, why didn't they do that originally? And he looked at me and he was like, and so that, if that's like your, your, your point for like, this is where I, I break away.

Totally understand it. But wait, totally. And I, there's a bunch of things like this that I could totally rebut and, and explained why in my head anyway, it made total sense. But I feel like the deeper I get into this,

the more i spoil and and i'm trying not to do that can't we can't i mean that was already pretty i've only like read tweets and like one review and so i don't know what spoils it's not that if you haven't seen the movie yet then you don't even care about the spoilers shut the fuck up but you know what i mean like oh it's been out for long enough that like yeah people if you have everybody who's into star wars has seen this i saw it yesterday and i i don't know it's just out for long enough that Star Wars people, everybody who's into Star Wars has seen this fucking movie by now. I saw it yesterday. I don't know.

It's just weekends and stuff. It was hard to see. How long has it been out? 10 days? Yeah, like long enough that it premiered on the 14th. I saw a lot of assholes spoiling it on Twitter, like the night of. I think that they were marketing towards i think it was a star wars fan directing a movie marketing towards disney oriented let's get new fans in the franchise

they did that very well as a result they alienated the hardcore fans whom if they had uh done their due diligence and done everything perfectly would have made it so the Star Wars movie would not have even cracked top 10 grossing movies. Actually, that's a lie. It probably would have. But it would not have... I feel like it would not have continued the franchise in a positive direction for Disney for financial reasons.

I'm only justifying why they might have done that. I'm not even remotely trying to justify why they did it from like a canon standpoint. I've seen all the Star Wars. I thought it was really trying to justify why they did it from a canon standpoint. I've seen all the Star Wars. I thought it was really good. I think that some people are fussing about it. Okay. Star Wars fans hate Star Wars.

It sounds weird. They rip it so hard. And this is just, here they go again in my head. They hated Rogue One. They hated all the Star Wars. They hate C-3PO. They hate Jar Jar BinksPO they hate Jar Jar Binks I love Jar Jar did you? they always had a reason to

fuss about Star Wars and this is just another one now they're like oh my god the ship hit the ship and that's a bad thing because we said that already and I'm like man you know you guys always do that it was a great movie um I can tell you wait Wait, let me.

I feel like I offer a very unique perspective because I am that guy that has not seen any movies here. I thought that Luke was not a strong character in the movie, which kind of made me feel kind of shitty. I felt like there were a couple cop-outs. Like, all right. Spoiler! Hey! Why did Luke just fucking disappear? What the fuck was that?

Why did he just disappear? He just literally faded from existence. What the fuck is that? Like, that made no sense to me. I don't understand what that was. Why did that happen? Like, did he astral project so hard that he just disappeared? Like, I don't get it.

And those things were like very weird to me so i'm so i'm kind of with you i didn't love that the way they handled him i don't know if he's gone forever like what he's getting he might come back as a ghost or something but obi-wan's death was at least as dumb uh obi-wan said if you strike me down i'll become more powerful than ever they strike him down and he had no fucking powers for the rest of my life anyway you know like he didn't do it oh this didn't work out the way they told me yeah now i'm just a blue hologram they just don't have a good way to handle deaths for heroes like that in star wars you know that's how it is i guess i just i just really didn't get that from like a casual viewer standpoint. And that's fine, I guess.

I don't know. Man, Chet, what the fuck? I literally said spoiler and pause for five seconds. I don't know what you want. But like, that was just like... I turned my volume off. I have no idea what you said. There you go.

Oh, you... It works. I thought you'd already seen it, Kyle. Huh? No. I thought you'd already seen it. Turn your volume down. No, no.

I just read the reviews. But you want to see it, I guess? It's on your radar. Yeah, yeah. I want to see... Let's do a new top. I'm going to wait for it to come out because I don't want to spend money on it. I really like Mark Hamill. I liked his Joker. I watched the animated series.

And I saw him shitting all over the movie and talking about that's not his Luke. I was just about to ask that. First of all, he's changed his tune on that. He said that I was wrong. And I don't know what he believes. Also, I have...

What I think are good counters... Can you say what he said initially? I don't want to. If it spoils, never mind. If it begins to spoil... It doesn't spoil anything. I already ruined the goddamn movie. If anybody's still listening

Mark Hamill basically said that's not his Luke Skywalker that's not the character that he thinks Luke is and he doesn't like the direction the character went and he said it like way before the movie came out and they told him to shut the fuck up and then he recently said it again

he's still going on about it he hates these new Star Wars movies so what Mark Hamill would like his character to be is like, why aren't I the most badass, badass to have ever been an ass? Why don't I have a lightsaber and jump up and triple quadruple flip? Why don't I single-handedly take on the entire empire?

Why isn't this movie all about me? Why aren't I awesome? Why aren't I incredible? The Luke that I know wasn't some weak young child always confused yes he was the Luke I know was fucking Yoda genius crazy wonderful person and he was like badass you know the second movie like when he when he goes and saves Princess Leia from uh from from Jabba like like he comes there black fucking robe like he comes in doing the yeah yeah

like I said after the you know the fucking lightsaber shoot he's like this is your last chance Java let us go or die and you know that's honestly pops out he catches it back flips and just cuts down all those motherfuckers by over the snarlack pit like come on he at this point there should be like three levels of magnitude

more badass the movie that i want like if i'm making star wars that's what i don't care about ray or whatever that girl's name is i don't care about you do have a black movie though after this movie like you're like ah i am set up for the next generation of Han and Luke and Leia and whatever. Yes. I liked it a lot. And I'm set up. They did a good job with that. Han Solo was shit in the last movie, whatever it was, Force Awakens.

I really disliked how big his role was. I liked that he was in it. I liked his little ramage, too. I did not know they were going to get a 75-year-old man who moves around like a 105-year-old man to be an action hero, right? He's literally limping around the set on uneven ground. Get that guy a cane. Get a broken leg.

Get him a cane. Okay, no. Crash the plane. Wow, he is 75. What I liked. Is he really 75? I made that number up. He's 75.

You got it right. He moves like he's 105 and and he plays an action figure who can barely lift his prop gun and i like i really disliked what he did to that movie he didn't he wasn't the right guy for it he should have just passed on a little wisdom about the millennium falcon made us like ray some more he shouldn't have been so central in the force awakens i hate ray i hate that black guy um that's in all the movies now for some reason i don't like him oh i don't like finn yeah i don't like that guy i don't like ray i don't like any of that shit the only thing i like about the new movie is the bad guy uh whatever that dude's name is that fugly really you like that. I love that guy

Him on the internet and he looks like not a very scary fella Kylo Ren is like I'm afraid of it she is most Real life superhero. He looks just like right from the geometry cunt um What was I gonna say? I won't look badass and I, and that's not what you get. Kyle, I think after the next movie, you'll like the new characters more than you did before I did. I don't like the girl power bullshit. I don't know. I watched all of the Star Wars stuff.

I remember how long it took these Jedis to gain their power and expertise with the lightsaber. And it seems like she just, I don't know. I'm just not into it. I'm a little mixed on the expertise with the lightsaber, too. By the end of this movie, it appears that she's good with the lightsaber. And I'm like, well, how long did it take Luke? Luke trained on the Millennium Falcon for an afternoon. He spent some period of time with Yoda,

and then all of a sudden he's a master too. It seems like these guys ratchet through from white belt to black belt in no time at all. Well, Luke was the chosen one, right? He's, it doesn't matter. Rey's chosen too. Nobody will be happy with the new Spirits. I don't like Rey.

I don't want some girl power bullshit either. I'm sorry. I just want a dude to be the lead. Well, you know Poe, the guy who's like the very good X-Wing pilot? Yeah. He plays a much bigger role in the next movie and you might like him.

His name's stupid. Well, I can't work with this. I actually, I will agree with you that I enjoyed his presence in the new movie more than I did the old movie. I would rather have, they should have just made like a Chewbacca spinoff with like

Chewbacca's wolf child and him being the show's one. I'd have watched that. Chewbacca IRL series. I would the children. I had to watch that. Chewbacca IRL series. I would love to see Luke Skywalker training a young Chewbacca son, and he speaks in English to the Chewbacca child, and then the Chewbacca's like, and he's like, no, no, no. You've got to listen to the fours.

And we're like, and the laugh track cues in, and everybody's like, ah, Chewie. Like the lightsaber singes his fur a little and he's gotta put it out. I'd rather have that than... I'll watch it, but I won't spend money at a theater

on it. Fair play. I think you might like it. I liked it. I hope you do too. After hearing this, Kyle's gonna hate it. I'm gonna hate it. His mind sounds a little closed. It's, you know, I'm just a tasteful

film viewer, Woody. That's all. I just know good from bad. That's all. Even before you see it. So impressive. I think I will side with the 56% who hated it. 56% liked it. There is a thing. People are singing new topic

in the thing. Bitcoin is below where I sold it. Why are we talking about crypto? Moment in time, I don't feel stupid. You're right. It is. Man, three things. Star Wars, crypto, and politics. We don't talk about this shit.

I didn't know crypto was so like dude we talked about crypto on the show a while ago i'm getting texts saying yeah i love the crypto part from other youtubers uh i know all right all right okay okay so i bought at uh at at 12 right crypto i bought across yes and i bought across a couple coins. Okay. My portfolio currently is minus 300 on Ethereum, Litecoin, and Bitcoin. Since you said it was below 3,000, it is now back up to 14,300. Literally, since you started the topic, it was at 14,000. I have 13,976. I'll refresh.

It is at 14,200. It is still below where I had it. Why are we talking about this? It literally will change exponentially every five minutes. Crypto topic is the dumbest shit. I could stop. I'm really sorry. No, no, no. You're fine. It's your show.

It's your show. Let's talk about the real digital currency, PUBG clothing items. Wait, Kyle. Do you want to know the greatest return of all time so i bought the pre-order pub g package for 25 and then i one case and i got the skirt i have spent 30 on pub g and i've netted if i sold right now, $2,000 worth of profit. Yep. That's the real crypto.

Is there a CSGO-like economy, or are these all fake dollars? They're real dollars. So, yeah, the clothing items are, you know, they come from crates and stuff, and then there's also some stuff that you can only get with, like, the early adoption stuff. But the most expensive thing

I've got, I've got the yellow pants. I think they're like $25. The banana man pants. What was the website called that T. Martin Syndicate did? CSGOLotto.com. Lotto, that's what it was. I've got to make PUBG Lotto.

All I have to do is tell people I own it and avoid all the troubles. PUBG Lotto's already bought. I'm like 95% sure. I'm pretty sure that any major game is Lotto. I said that this was the future like five months ago. Can you even do it?

Yeah, it's... Bro, everybody's on that meme. There's already a marketplace for it. I guess you could find a way to gamble them. You could do that if you want. OP skins allows you to trade it out for real money. I think it's at a steep cost, maybe like 10%, but fuck, man. Somebody who's good at maths and didn't drop out of college,

what's $40 to $2,000? What's the percent gain that I got right there? Because that's 6,000. What's the percent gain that I got right there? Because that's 6,000%. Is that real? It's like 5,000%. I made it and I don't know. Point is,

PUBG, the clothing, Fortnite, I want to know what Fortnite's net is for their in-game item purchases. Because that game started as a purchasable game for a PvE game mode. And then they expanded to Battle Royale. And now every game I play in Fortnite has people wearing $15, $20 skins. I want to know their profit margin on that.

wearing $15, $20 skins. I want to know their profit margin on that. That's awesome. You've all seen the charts on Rockstar where it's like Rockstar game releases. It's like two to three games a year and then they release GTA 5. There's no games.

Tucker, think about the inventory and the overhead they have to have to keep all those skins on hand. The importing and exporting tariffs. Yes, yes. I mean, that's great.

I think that Rockstar made $1.5 billion in microtransactions in shark cards last year. Somebody can fact check me on that, but that's like more than GTA 5 made at its purchase price. I gotta say though,

we killed those people today and we took their we both had the full yellow track suits and we were the banana man team and we were super excited about it. We both had the full yellow track suits. Yeah, you were rocking it. And then I got some shorts off of some dude today.

Very excited about that. Had my short shorts on, on my black lady character. Yeah. That's very progressive of you. Chiz says that Shark Alerts exceeds $700 million a year on a game that was released in 2012. $700 million a year in microtransactions. Why would you ever spend money to make a new game? Yeah, you're right.

Why? Why would you ever? Wasn't the cost of producing GTA V like $200 million or something? $250 million. It was high, though. So why would you ever bankroll a new game when you're making two times the cost, three times the cost of your initial overhead per year off the game you already made like it's it's just insanity so i agree with you however it's a little encouraging

that maybe someone else will finance a huge game like that if you like huge games like that they've proven you can make money with it maybe it won't be rock star but someone will is a is the way that they make money with it do they play on like a gambling kind of thing where it's like oh you buy this chest and then you might get something good like the way cod tries to do it they did not find this new website you buy in-game currency so if i uh don't quote me on this if i spend a hundred bucks i can get a million dollars in gta 5 now i can use V. I don't want to lose money on this. Yeah, but nothing...

I could go buy a car, buy a house, buy weapons with that. But the thing with GTA is it's like a living ecosystem. If I buy a car or if I buy weapons and then I use all my ammo, I need more ammo. I haven't played GTA in a while. The point is people need to keep re-upping with this money to keep their high-baller lifestyle in GTA going. So, that's, you know, there you go.

It's more of, like, it's not like a Call of Duty or, like, a CSGO thing where it's, like, playing as a level. After a while, you gotta get yourself a GTA job, right? Like, you gotta start working. Like, you're not even playing the game anymore. You just go into, like, work in the game. Like, you're just, you're an accountant, like, crunching the numbers. I gotta be at the burrito stand by seven.

Extra sour cream, all right, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, all right, all right, god damn, eight dollars an hour, this is bullshit. Oh, he's leaving a bad Yelp review, god damn it. Honestly, how long, how far are we away to buy a helicopter how far are we away from people charging money to be like stay like like professional actors in a in a stream or content space super far we're going the other direction right just get better ai no no no uh there's like a very real uh and since you guys don't use twitch there's a very real push towards um vr chat which is a a vibe and i believe oculus application that it's just like you can hang out it's like second life but like this one streamer poke who's a friend of mine

top tier entertainment but like all that comes from additional characters that just jump in their free time like how far are we away from being like hey man here's like a thousand bucks to always be on my stream because you're like a character in my content you know what i mean like how far are we are we away from that i feel like it's very close interesting because i'm my mind still that you know that cpg gray video it's like this time is different and he talks about all the jobs being replaced by computers oh that one no i'm saying like all right so imagine you doing a let's play with a relatively unknown dude and that dude like all of your comments like dude this guy's hilarious this guy's outstanding like you could

you could pay him to keep him away from his job in order to be with you more to create better content. Or he could segment himself away from you and do his own thing. Like, is it not beneficial? It's not new. I'm repurposing it. I'm just saying, like, I feel like there's a line that needs to be drawn at some point. Maybe it's not now. Maybe it's not 10 years, but there will become a time where people are like paid

actors or paid entertainers in the space, whether it's on stream or in VR. Like those Chinese people who get paid to mine the wow gold. That's funny. What? Yeah, the Orientals. God damn it. Do you want to wrap the show

and do a little post-show or something? Sure. Sure. It's your guys' show. All right. Can we talk about hate crimes? Oh, my God. What's your favorite hate crime?

Do we have any sponsor wrap-up? Anyone we need to hear from. You know. Just check out all of our sponsors, really. Smart Mouth, Omaha Steaks, Casper Mattresses, and Cheese, American Cheese. from you know yeah just check out all of our sponsors really you know smart mouth steaks casper mattresses and uh cheese american cheese american cheese yeah all right uh painkiller ready 366 check out jericho links in the description