Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #368

Episode Date: January 11, 2018

This week on PKA, surfing YouTube sensation Ben Gravyy is on and they discuss his MTV show journeys, ONLYUSEmeBLADE cucking his fan on New Year's Eve, the latest season of Black Mirror and Woody enjoys looking at some fan provided severed heads. All this and more on another episode of Painkiller Already.

All right, Pink, if you didn't write we're live. There it is now we're live. Pink you are ready. Episode 370 probably. If you're producing it, you can't do 3, 2, 1 and then wait 2 seconds and then hit go because we didn't establish what the go point was before this. On your mark, get set, ready, and we're like false starting. Come on. And we're like, false starting. Come on. It's like Rock, Paper, Scissors, where you play with those genuine cunts who are like, Rock, Paper, Scissors, shoot. It's like, no, it's Rock, Paper, Scissors.

You were trying to get some insider information and then go, oh, I didn't understand what you were doing. You don't shoot? Shoot is no good. That's generations past. I shoot. Ben is from Jersey. He knows what's up okay i did rock paper scissors shoot and but i established it before because you you have to shoot yeah exactly oh i'm sorry so our guest is ben gravy semi-pro surfer mtv almost and uh and kyle i think we had a couple people to mention off the couple sponsors just need to

throw out there of course squarespace and smart mouth i wish i had some smart mouth right now because i just ate a lot of indian food and i can smell my own breath emanating it's it's disgusting we'll talk more about them later for now let's let's get into Ben a little bit. So Ben, you're an extreme sportsman. I saw a video that Woody linked today, because I'm not an extreme sportsman. I often look at those people like you're asking for it. But he was like, someone's surfing in Missouri. And I'm from St. Louis. I'm like, where the fuck is he surfing? And you were just on either the Mississippi or the Missouri River in a very dangerous looking area where you just got at one point just sucked right in yeah i was i was on the missouri river um yeah in a situation that was way out of my way out of my league way out of my comfort zone but um i missouri is really tough to find surf, obviously. I found a standing wave in the river, but I had seen kayakers doing it online, so I figured it was possible. But I went there.

Turned out my board was way too long to fit in the wave. Ended up flipping me out of the back like the one you saw, and I think I almost drowned. But I got flipped under, put in the whitewash, and that was extreme. So are you going to go back and try it again with a smaller board? The problem lies—well, my goal right now, this past year, and I'm going to be finishing up in 2018, I'm going to be surfing in every state, all 50 states in the U.S., and it's something that's never been done. And that means i have to go back and stand up on a wave in missouri so have you checked to make sure there is surfing

in every state i when i started the mission i didn't but this guy's asking about surfing in north dakota it's doable i haven't done it yet but um it looks like there's potential all right all right so i you probably don't know me but i surfed for a long time i grew up on the jersey shore ocean city and uh and i've seen you surf you are a very good surfer what is so hard about that missouri wave you surf four times bigger ten times bigger like it's the sewage well side note there are mutant fish jumping through the wave you can see i even slow-mo in the vlog and there's logs floating down the river that if you're out there you would get smoked and tons of trash it's and tons of mosquitoes but the thing about that river is it's super wide most river waves are pinched in and so it's letting tons of water

come through the area where the wave is and uh riverways are are measured at something called cfs it's like cubic feet per second and that's like the amount of cubic feet that's moving through that spot in one second and that day it was flowing 100 000 cfs and the the biggest i've ever done before that was 22 000 so it was like five times gnarlier than anything i've ever seen and um it's that thing's like i don't know if it's a low-lying dam but it's this cement thing and the water in the front of the way is only about three inches deep. And then it hits the bottom and just shoots it up like that. And it's traveling. I don't know how you could measure the speed, but it's traveling ridiculously fast.

And you can't tell in the video, but when you get out there, you're actually below sea level. And the wave is vertical. It looks in the video like it's a nice, slopey river ride. You could just carve it. But it's like a nice slopey like river ride you could just carve it but it's like a vertical wave and uh the only way to do it really would be like with a three and a half foot maybe like a four foot board like that kid that kid that randomly showed up there he had like pretty much a wake skate and he was he was cruising back and forth and in retrospect i should have

jumped on his weight wake skate and tried it but dude i was so bugged out about the whole situation i like why you were like drown proof you're a water man rivers by yourself dude you're fine dude and you didn't pick an area first of all nobody's like dude let's have a fun day in missouri let's go to the fucking missouri river and be eaten alive by mosquitoes maybe stabbed by a vagabond who knows the world's our worst. But you didn't even go to one of the areas that's, like, thinner. You went to, like, one of the more medium girth areas to where, like, if you do get knocked in there, you're like, all right, I can swim 120 yards that way. Or 115 yards that way. I'm going to go that way.

You're going miles down. Like, when that guy came in your video, too, because, like, as you were, as I began it, I'm like, this guy must be the first fucking person in the history of the Midwest to try surfing in one of, like, Mississippi or Missouri. Those are huge rivers. And then when that other dude showed up, I was like, what? Is he in on this? Or is this just a hobby that these middle- I was like, I thought that that was, like, the universe sending me a sign that I was going to go stand up and do it, but it didn't pan out. But yeah, I had no idea what I was doing. I've learned a lot about river surfing since then, but I'm still going to be terrified to go back there. Yeah, it looked like a lot of fun, though.

I don't surf. I don't even like the water very much, but that looked fun. I like being drugged behind boats in the lake and hanging on to something and just going for a wild ride. That's fun. So in comparison, that looked more fun than ocean surfing to me, especially when you mentioned that there are fish out there, because I always watch those videos of the Asian carp out in the rivers, and people do bow fishing and

some guys take a samurai sword out there and chop them. And I've seen people even take shotguns out and just shoot them out of the air. If I were you, I would combine something like that with this river surfing. Like it'd be so fucking cool if you were surfing the river and you just samurai sorted a carp in half. Yeah. Kyle's video ideas are like your video idea and add weapons to it i mean it's not that's not impossible yeah ben how old are you you gotta do is learn how to serve come join me and we can just we can make it happen could you just drag me behind the boat and just hope for the best like i don't need to stand up i'll just kind of drown yeah how old have you been i'm 29 okay yeah so i i started surfing probably a little before you were born

and i guarantee you the new jersey shore was way dirtier than the missouri river like we used to all the surfers would get sick at school at the same time our Our wetsuits would have like tar balls staining them and such it was a it was a nightmare. Jesus Christ Wait, I'm sorry. We've got to stop right there. It used to be I feel like plastic tampon applicator was the New Jersey seashell The people in New Jersey realized that they're not the Garden State? They're the tar ball tampon state. Did they know it? It got so much better. You're New York's landfill.

We were. That's exactly what, that was the issue. We're New York's, they don't do that anymore. They don't just dump trash in the ocean. That's a good point about the garden state thing it's like the way when like the nordic got to uh greenland they're like it's going to be really tough honestly to get people to come here we'll call it greenland like and then by the time they're here it's too late to go back it's months journey like that's what they did back then like you just mislabel it

so people were like oh garden state yeah wildwood would get shut down all the time wildwood new jersey and i'd have friends who swam there with like lesions on their skin like come to school and they're like oh you know they opened it like the day before so i figured it was okay like these are standards man we had a really uh gnarly situation this summer when they were doing the dredging they dredged out all of margate and um like longport and ventnor and they had um rebuilding beaches big sand dunes yeah they're rebuilding the beaches and then the the backside behind the sand dune before you walk on filled up with water and apparently all the birds were shitting in it and it caused like all this

bacteria and buildup and stuff and people were getting like strep throat and ear infections and all sick but it reminds me of my childhood i think i think it's from the dredging like everywhere that they dredged it the water got disgusting and there was warning signs for bacteria and stuff but it could be the ugly stuff settled where they were dredging too yeah or maybe that's what you're saying like that that's what it was, the bird poop. oh my god see this is like remember in jackass when they sort of pole vaulted into that reservoir of water and there's like a dead cat floating in it and then Steve-O got that horrible infection? this is what this is your playground as a child it sounds not that um i don't see i don't it's like it's nothing i tried nothing i surfed next to a dead cat earlier i'm really i did not look at any of that like bacteria reports and stuff because

like i've been in situations when i surfed when i surfed in louisiana i surfed i surfed in a lake in new orleans and i got out of the water and i was totally cool with it put my vlog out, and then a couple people hit me up, and they were like, yo, there's really bad bacteria in that water. There's flesh-eating bacteria. And then I was having a panic attack. Am I going to get flesh-eating bacteria and stuff? So I feel like if I never learned about it, I never would have worried about it. And I ended up...

Yeah, that's an approach that works for some. I don't look up STDs. Fuck condoms. I believe that's how the Native American Indians handled the white man. Correlation does not imply causation. Just because I fucked these people without a condom and we all got syphilis.

I believe the white men are a myth. If that's the worst case scenario, then you you're gonna have trouble wanting to go into situations especially high risk situations you know that's fair if you're doing like a really ballsy kind of thing what is uh the worst like infection or anything like that not like an injury where you fall and get hurt because i'm sure there are plenty of those and what you do but like something that wasn't injury related like you got yeah a staff infection or something horrible yeah when i was when i was in i want to say maybe like right before i went to college i was in california staying at my buddy's house in los angeles and it rained and uh we surfed like down in a spot near like el porto but it's like further down right next to the la river and they had these signs on the beach that were like biohazard signs

and we didn't read them we went and surfed for three hours got out and i looked back at the sign and it was like contains fecal cauliflower from human whatever so pretty much it shit for three hours and i asked my friend my friend matt and he was like oh yeah they have them all the time every time it rains it's no worries and i ended up getting strep throat and double ear infection probably double ear so like as you're walking by you said you saw the biohazard sign out of the corner of your eye and you went and she as you walk towards the the beach and you go oh out of the corner of your eye and you went la la la la la la la la la la la la la la as you walk towards the beach and you go oh there's a lot of soft logs in here today

I'm just thinking that I ain't doing that again what's a double ear infection like were you just deaf for a couple weeks it's so bad so much pain like you until you get a bad ear infection again you always forget how bad they really are well i've only ever had it in one ear two would be how would you even sleep like you'd have to just put your head straight back oh well that so did that deter you at all like from avoiding those signs are you like it won't hit me twice? I would never go back. But I'm thinking maybe I do have a pretty good immune system

from doing this a bunch of times. And I think it helps me as I go. Oh, yeah. I think you're actually right. Natural vaccines, you know, where you swim and poop. Yeah, until you're getting immunity to like bacteria until you step foot on the hiv sand bunker out there of needles and then that that deterrence is going to drop quickly but you know when you get the hiv we see um

hypodermic needles in atlantic city quite and that's, like, one of my worst fears, stepping on one of those things in the sand. And there, we did a trash cleanup right at the surf break where we surfed crystals out in front of the Rebel Casino, and we found six needles just doing, like, just that little stretch, two-block stretch of boardwalk underneath it

and on the beach. Pretty gnarly. That's... I was going to say, man, that's so inconsiderate, just throwing your needles on the beach, but then I was like, who are the kind of people who bring needles to the beach? People who have a rubber surgical tube

and tie it off. With a straight dog licking their toes. Does everybody inject? Make sure you cap your needles. No, no one said that once ever. Ever has that happened. Hey, they had a disposal thing at the CVS to block back. Then they passed out

and that's it. It seems like heroin would be a bad thing to mix with surfing. I wouldn't think that would be a good drug to get up on and then ride the waves. You had a video mentioning heroin. Do you have some sort of background in heroin

oh no dude it was a song that's what it was i yeah i have a couple songs that like reference it because it's such a bad problem where i live tons of my childhood friends are some have died and others are off and on it all the time you know and um yeah i've actually never done any drugs really okay okay but uh it's it's serious where i live like atlantic city is really really bad with heroin i just don't know how you get started oh i haven't kept up what happened to your ticket for surfing where you weren't like the police caught you as you were coming in how did that end um i actually ended up taking a i kind of took a hit um can you tell it from the beginning better than i did yeah uh all right so there's a spot at i live in a town called long court um and it's like a super rich summer town so these people come down in the summertime and

they have like seven million dollar mansions on the beach. Like it's insane. But down at the inlet area, like between Ocean City and Longport, there's an inlet. And the beach ends and then there's an inlet that wraps around. And there's a little wave on the inside, like on the bay side of the inlet. And I call it El Slamo because it's just like this crazy dumping wave that breaks in like two inches of water and i surf it i used to surf it pretty much every day so the state the same people that uh got the water contaminated with bacteria were doing their beach replenishment

down there and they were replacing all the rocks around the break so they had no trespassing signs everywhere around the entire beach on the jetties all this stuff so we were just surfing down there like it was normal like that's just what we did there were no signs in the water not that he saw they didn't have a no surfing sign until after the incident so one day they kick us out i get reprimanded um you can't surf while the people are working. Go back the next day. No one's working.

It's raining out. There's no one there. The cops come down again because they have nothing better to do. So they come down, they kick me out again and they give me a warning. If you come back down, you know, we're going to charge you criminally for trespassing on the state's property while they're doing their construction and uh so never went back but two days later i put out a video and it was called the best of el slamo so it was a highlight reel of all my best ways that i ever got there and in the video i'm like all right guys el slamo is done i can't surf till the construction's over but like

here's all the good times like enjoy the video so the cops See that and I guess they thought that I went back and they didn't actually take the time to watch the vlog So they ended up ticketing me for the other the day prior two days prior when I was there so they gave me a ticket for criminal trespassing on I guess state property a Ticket for surfing in an unauthorized area which i thought was pretty pretty funny um and then my third ticket was utilizing a timber bulkhead i don't know how that's a crime but those are the three things that i was charged with so

like a beat like a bulkhead at the beach like the wood bulkhead oh like a wooden wall that goes straight out to the ocean you were utilizing that no i get i had my board leaned up against it and i guess you're not allowed to use them i don't know how you're supposed to get over onto the beach if you're not i don't know i don't know did you like make a case to him like hey this is actually the past it was the past you're ticketing i went to the police station to talk to the officer that issued me the tickets and he was having absolutely no parts of it you know he was he was pissed and um so i was like all right fine so i got a lawyer uh joel this guy joel and um so we went to court we had to go to court five times. The first time I went, they were like, um, you know, it's not really a big deal.

We're not going to give you the trespassing. Um, but if you just, uh, say that you're guilty and give us a hundred dollars, like we'll let you off. So I was like, no way I'm not doing that. Cause like, I'm not guilty. Like you guys. So we had this whole case built up. Like I had my statement statement like he had all this

evidence we were collecting and just so you know he does daily vlogs and it's like clickbait after clickbait like i'm off the court again and there's a video of him like skateboarding to the courtroom and then nothing happens so carry on but nothing ever happens in court nothing really um and so eventually five times i went to court and i the main thing that made me stop going was because i was up in rhode island there was a really good swell coming and i had to drive home to go to court and i missed the swell so i was like fuck this i'm done with court like these guys like going to court i hate going to court so i ended up what i pled guilty to was um not abiding by a lifeguard's whistle i don't know where they came up with that and it was down yeah it was a zero dollar fine and they literally just wanted me to say that i was wrong so i i don't understand what they got

zero dollars so i don't know what they got out of it except for the satisfaction of me being like yeah you know i i went surfing down there after you told me not to but um it's all good now i mean i'm i'm waiting to see what happens with the future of el slama we'll see oh that's really cool i mean i when you said they wanted me to pay a hundred dollars and i was like no I was like oh no just pay it and go on with your life it's $100 I would not have been the you know stand up to the man

kind of person if they were like you know just pay us $100 say you're wrong and leave and we won't bother you but did you pay your attorney every time he actually volunteered he believed in the case It won't bother you. But did you pay your attorney every time? He actually volunteered. Pro bono? Ah, okay. He believed in the case.

Nice. He believed in the case. He looked at civil rights attorneys before him. And he says this. This is my Selma. It's one of those things, though. It's like, you always think, you're like you want to be the guy that does the right thing that tries to fight for the right thing because they were really they

were singling me out because i vlogged you know there was other kids that surfed there all the time so i wanted to fight that and like show them that that's you know it's not fair it's it's biased because i document everything like and And the prosecutor made a comment to me like, when this all blows over, like, just don't document what you do. And, you know, I kind of was like, that's kind of offensive. Like, that's like telling you not to prosecute people, you know? I had the police tell me to leave town once. Really? Yeah.

I used to get swiped. I don't know if my internet's breaking oh you're getting a little row body but maybe i'm back sorry about that yeah i used to get swatted all the time and the police would just it got to be that the SWAT team didn't come anymore they'd call ahead say what are you killing anybody i'd be like no they're going to have to swing by anyway come on over so they just show up and like cops would knock on the door and just regular blue uniform instead of right here and then uh one of the times the guy was like you know maybe you should just leave town so we don't have to deal

with you anymore it's like what like i'm a good guy like you can't say that yeah and uh i like the next SWAT team that came over i was like you know the last guy said this and it turned out he was his boss he had the cop come by and apologize because it's really kind of a big deal when a cop tells you to leave town like that yeah that's you know yeah like depending on how you take it but like i didn't sit right with me that a cop would not like me and you would want to think that you could take it well but like it's that would be one of those things that like plays over in your head like the same thing like when i got the tickets i was like this guy really gave me a criminal trespassing ticket like that's jail time like how bad do they think i am you know what i mean like

it just played in my head over and over so i want to hear the mtv story like the highlights i guess you were gonna have an mtv show and then they paid you not to make a show does that sound right yeah show in like music video era or like uh hot rod chopper redo your car era um i've been um the first mtv show i was gonna get was why was what the hell was that show called? Buckwild Era. Shortest version possible. We got time. Longest version possible, buddy.

Talk slow and mumble a bit. You got nothing but fucking time my friends nothing but fucking time okay so uh when i was 23 you know my brothers are professionally trained stuntmen okay so our first youtube channel that we had was called nubTV. Since then, I've split off and done the vlogging thing. But my older brother still runs the channel, Hob. He still uploads on the NubTV channel. So those guys are stuntmen, and we kind of had a jackass thing going. But they would do crazy shit.

They would jump cars and light themselves on fire. Pretty much stunts. And we wanted to be the next Jackass pretty much. So I added together like this four minute like called a sizzle reel, I guess. And I ended up bumping into this guy in California. His name was Steve and Steve Schleinitz. And he got the show to his manager his manager got the show to a production company in new york and then the production company got my

just my four minute little thing to mtv so down the the line um they ended up coming to my house mtv center production crew to my house for two days and we shot like a uh casting reel it's like an eight minute uh thing that shows like the characters and their potential um so casting reel went through we got the order for a pilot they came back for five days we shot a five-day pilot we did stunts we just did like docu-series about the family pranking each other just uh an exaggerated version of uh pretty much our lives and um it was called i think it was just called the family grave which is my family's last name which is my real last name grave um and so ended up not getting the tv show mtv didn't order it after they saw the pilot

the pilot got flipped a and e bought. They came back for five more days. A year later, they shot another pilot. They mixed those two pilots together. A&E ended up not buying the show. So that took a whole year to find out if they were going to buy the show. So this is like three or four years into the process. I just gave up. and then um my buddy uh his name's the horse if you guys have ever seen america's got talent uh the guy that was the king of the nut shot that dude he's i'll have to google it i'm not he he pretty much went on stage and like got uh hitting the nuts a bunch um but so he he sent me

a casting he sent me a link for like a casting mtv casting thing for a stunt show and this was like leading up after we lost the a and e show and i just applied for it got called back did an interview i actually have this on vlog this This was when I first started vlogging era. They told me I was way too old to be on the show because I was like 26 at the time. They were like, MTV, 26? But I got flown out to California to do the casting call. I actually nailed it. I got picked first i don't know how you

say that for a show i was the first guy picked for the cast um so went home and then me and my brother and the horse and his brother flew back out like six months later so this is like four and a half years into the process of trying to get a tv show and we shot a pilot for like a week with mtv like on site in hollywood like whole deal doing stunts doing like pranks and um yeah it was sick like the pilot came out amazing and i would love to know if i could ever release the pilot because i actually have it um they say like don't download it the second they sent it to me to watch I fucking downloaded it because I knew from before that dude they take those shows away so quick um so waited another four months MTV we got the call everybody's on conference call we got got a show order, 10 episodes. We're going out to California in June.

We're filming an MTV series. We're making fucking 60 grand to film for six weeks and probably going right into season two. You know, they're just selling it to us. You know what I mean? You guys, you're rich. You did it. Like, no worries. know what i mean you guys you're rich you did it like not like no worries and uh so we pretty much waited like i guess it was like another month and uh yeah mtv we had another conference call

with the production company and mtv just pulled the plug on the show uh like two weeks before we were supposed to fly out and uh dude i mean pretty much leveled us like we were so sad but what happened was i guess we had already signed on for a 10 episode season and the new showrunner i guess they fired someone and hired a new showrunner and he he got rid of like 26 shows or some crazy shit um so he um but they paid you anyway what'd you say they pay you anyway right so the contract they couldn't get out of the contract and they ended up giving each of us 30 grand and uh pretty much to not do the show um and i guess to not like sue them or something i don't i don't know it seems like a lot of money but i guess they think like if if they give us 30 grand they can get rid of us i don't know

yeah yeah it works could have gotten rid of us anyway honestly oh then they had to fuck with Joel. They don't want that. Yeah, Joel. Well, no, he wasn't morally obligated to cover you here. He's helping another kid who was surfing in a needle pile in Atlantic City or whatever. That's classic. So, Kyle, you found this gentleman that you were going to do the show with? Yeah, the horse.

Yeah, yeah. Look, I think this is him on America's Got Talent. I timestamped it if you want to watch this. It's like right as his bit starts. Yeah, I'd like to check it out. I watched the first three seconds, and I was hooked. Yeah. It was good stuff.

Yeah, we generally do. Yeah, go ahead, Woody. We'll queue up at 1.17, then 3, 2, 1 and press play and sync. So, are you queued up? I'm all ready. At 1.17? Alright, 3, 2, 1, play.

Why does the shirt say nasty? They call him nasty. I call him nasty. Is this a skill or just negligence? Jesus Christ. Depends how you look at it. He kicked that one dude in the back of the head. Howard loves it.

Yeah, we actually went on Howard's show. That's awesome. No power. Ah! What the fuck? Why do this? He's wearing a cup. How does he do this? No cup, dude.

He's crazy. He's dancing around. I like that bit. What is... Did he make it past this round? Oh, Jesus. Did he make it past this round? Oh Jesus Christ He's in pain The foes not watching are putting concrete blocks on his crotch and smashing them with a sledge hammer

How do you practice for this? I'm a little traumatized You're traumatized. So I stopped it. Did he make it on? So me and my older brother helped him. We were two of the guys on stage helping him. Yeah, we made it all the way to the quarterfinals,

and then they brought us back for the wild card, which is right before the final. And then Howard had us back for the wild card which is right before the final and then howard had us on his show nice so you made it to the quarterfinals of america's got talent because this degenerate likes to get kicked in the nuts and and have bricks broken like how but how many things like did they realize by the quarterfinals they're like do you think that we invite him back again it's going to be that guy dancing around getting hit in the nuts like yeah i think he's played his whole hand here like people actually vote i don't know how real the voting is but supposedly people vote so obviously the the acts that were like music oriented or more skill oriented advanced but we made it pretty far just on straight entertainment value.

Dude, when we went to New York, standing ovation. We were probably the most popular act in New York. Don't you know you'd feel bad if you were some classically trained dancer or musician or something? You're up there riding a unicycle, playing the violin, and this guy comes up, yeah yeah bash my nuts in with the hammer again bring on the the nuts that guy this sad this sad truth about life though is it's about the entertainment though i mean it appeared that at the end he he was uh he was uh erect

it looked like all of that it looked like all of that that stimulation that he was getting. I think the truth here is that he gets off on being punished in that way, and it's all a ruse to make us watch. That's what I was thinking, because in second grade, when he pissed off his little second grade girlfriend or whatever, and she kicked him in the balls, usually you're like, ah, fuck! But was he just like, when he pissed off his little second grade girlfriend or whatever and she kicked him in the balls.

Usually you're like, ah, fuck! But was he just like, oh, that didn't feel too bad. Actually, I liked it. Hey, Billy, bring the seesaw over. I'm going to put it right here. You jump on it. No, throw Fat Ted on it. Yeah, throw Fat Ted on it. Oh, still good.

Oh, loving it. It's just an impossible to satisfy kink involving millions of people watching it get kicked in the balls after america's got talent he can't go back there's nothing left for him he he can have tons of beautiful women going as your little nutsack display i would tune into that twitch channel every night if it's like oh the horse is on oh shit just every night on twitch irl just him yeah i would tune in for three minutes once imagine no imagine this like he does a twitch irl thing and if x amount dollars are donated you hit him in the balls with like a racket or you get a tennis ball launcher and shoot him in the balls. If Y amount

is donated, then it's a baseball pitching machine and you just keep going up the ladder. For $1,000, you castrate yourself. $1,000? Really? You've got to ruin your business after that, right?

Well, you... I mean... That's not the Nut Stack man himself behind you, is it? No. That's JP. What's up, boys? Did you ever kick him in the nuts? No. I don't get off on that. I think it's pretty terrible. But he agrees. He thinks that guy gets off on it too.

JT. I mean, a lot of people might think that. He actually, I've seen some messages that he's received and they're pretty gnarly. People like it. Hypothetically, what would an example of a message be? Like a pretty elderly man hits him up on Facebook and says that he wants him to film personal videos of him

doing it naked like for the other guy to watch god damn it dude you didn't have to be as honest as to say an elderly man on Facebook you could have said you know like a 23 year old cute little redhead likes that or something but no it's some grizzled

guy in West Virginia in the Appalachian Mountains I said it was Charlie what did you say Kyle that or something but no it's some grizzled guy in west virginia and appalachian mountains i said it was garley what'd you say oh yeah this is this is well good for him he really took a low effort thing and and turned it into a winner right that's all you can expect he actually uh had a success well it wasn't successful necessarily but he actually had a tv show on mtv but it got bumped to mtv too uh it was called like nuts with a z it was called numb nuts oh i'm so halfway right. Was it really? Yeah. I'm going to look this up.

Numb Nuts MTV. You'll find something. You'll find something. Whoa. Season 1, episode 12. So they at least got something. Something good one. Something. Are they still on?

No. No. Cash that one out. It actually wasn't about getting hit in the nuts, though. It was produced by Aston Kutcher. It was Fear Factor, but with

I guess more hardcore stuff. But where everything's getting kicked in the nuts. Every week another girl wins. Alright, contestants, for challenge number three. Oh!

Head over there, didn't see this one coming. Still struggling from the last two challenges getting kicked in the nuts. Let's see if we can get kicked in the nuts again. Oh, yeah. And our fifth season consecutive winner, Samantha. I'm just as much of a man as anyone else here. Just because I'm trans doesn't change that.

And it's like, ah, you sneaky bitch. We can't say no. It's Duke PC. Yeah, well, that's good for him. That is hilarious, though, to parlay that ability into getting on Stern and then getting an actual show.

Stern makes a lot of sense, though, because that's right up their alley. They've got people who fart on there on command, people who queef on command, so a guy who can take nut shots at will is just right up their alley. I know Kyle is a huge fan

of Stern. Did anything interesting happen when you went on there, or was it kind of what you anticipated? They just wanted to have you come in, exhibit your skills? It was a lot more mellow than I anticipated. Dude, Howard Stern is, like, the coolest guy ever. He's so normal, so respectful of, like, everybody.

Like, dude, he's cool. Like, you know, he gets obviously savage, like, on his show, how he talks and stuff. But, dude, like like when you meet him he's like hey how's it going nice to meet you like he's cool man really cool because i don't know i kind of just thought because he's so crazy on air like when on his talk show i kind of thought he was going to be a dick but he wasn't at all he's the nicest guy ever he's a dick to his staff on air it's like part of the bit. it's gotta be part of it. I've actually never listened I couldn't even make it to the episode

we were on to be honest with you. you were so bored you couldn't make it through the episode you were on? were you just like Howard it's been a pleasure. It's like, uh... Robin, he's only been here for three days. I couldn't make it to the re-listen. Go to the re-listen. Hey, just thanks for having me, but I need to... Kyle, if you ever went on Stern, would you...

Because I know you've been such a fan for so long. Would you have something, like, in the chamber that you'd be ready to do, or, like, a little bit to whip out, or would you just try and to do or like a little bit to whip out? Or would you just try and be like chill cool guy? Who just happens to be here? I would really want to meet some of the Whack Pack and interact with them And that's what I would like to do the most like I would want to meet

High-pitched Eric and call him a fraud to his big fat face because I know that's not his real voice I would like to interact with big fat face because I know that's not his real voice. I would like to interact with Beetlejuice because that's not an act. His head is one third the normal size of a human being's head and I just want to touch it. That's what I would want the most would be to interact with the Whack Pack. I don't think I have any parlor tricks or anything

that I could really wheel out. Maybe I could really wheel out. Maybe I could tell some... I picture Kyle getting all psyched up for this. Like, oh, how it started. I can't wait. Lifelong dream. And it starts bobbing. So he just lets him kick him in the balls. No.

No, nobody's kicking me in the balls. I don't respond to that well at all. No, that hurts a lot. I don't have any sort of at all. No, that hurts a lot. I don't have any sort of superhuman ability to withstand that. And if you did, why share that with others? Unless you're going to parlay it, I do a Howard Stern thing, and then a TV show at MTV.

Because otherwise you'll just end up getting smacked in the nuts by a bunch of people, and they'll go, hey, check it out, Kyle, never mind. And then you hit him. And he's like, hey, you wrapped a galleon. Now I got an erection. I'll go to the bathroom real quick. Yeah, that could be. Beetlejuice Kyle.

I've never listened to any of his clips. But he has microcephaly. Yeah. So is he on a scale of like a little bit retarded to like extremely retarded like where is he at um so he can't count or so we're already on the right side of this spectrum yeah yeah yeah so so he can't count you know like like he'll be like he'll have like a handful of money and he'll be like like pretending to count but he has no idea what the the the different denominations are or anything he's really easy to fool he poops himself occasionally

he wears a diaper um uh he you know he's about one-third normal human intelligence which makes sense because he has one-third the brain matter of it i know i mean every seven-year-old i've ever met doesn't poop themselves regularly well he doesn't poop himself regularly but you know he makes 10 appearances he's gonna shit himself in two of them once in a blue moon yeah yeah absolutely he's he's fascinating to like have to have howard stern interview that guy though because just his replies to things and they put him in so many bits over the years. I like Gary the Retard, too, who is extremely retarded. Elephant Boy.

All of the whack pack for the most part. Wendy the Retard. She's very funny. She's a little sad, though, because she's like really, really overweight. And she doesn't seem to understand the concept of calories in make her fatter. She's just like, I can't live weight, Howard. she's just drinking mount like a two liter mountain dew it's uh he's got a real to be fair there are people who are not retarded that also don't get that well so yeah this is sad i'm looking at images of her still shots on google images

all the pictures i saw of beetlejuice looked like he was like just a little bit understanding what was going on but he knew enough to know he was in on the the group yeah like that he keeps getting this lady just looks sad i wouldn't want to listen i'm pretty sure that we could get uh beetlejuice on the show if he wanted to i know that he was like he does like appearances and parties and stuff like a lot of the Whack Pack have parlayed their bit of fame into a career of some kind, like doing appearances and

going to clubs and hosting stuff at the clubs and stuff like that. And Beetlejuice has done all kinds of crazy shit. They did midget boxing one time, or maybe it was retard boxing. I don't know. Maybe it was retarded midget boxing. Any of those would have really killed the bill. Yeah, but with an audience of 20 or 30 million people, you've got

plenty of retarded midgets out there that are looking to mix it up. That's my favorite part of the show is the whack pack because he's gotten so PC. I really don't care for this show anymore. I tried to listen to it yesterday and I was like five minutes in and I had to change it because it was just some manufactured drama between Ronnie and some other guy and they were going to race cars or something. I don't give a

shit about that. He stopped doing all of his racist accents. I saw somebody calling you out. They were like, am I the only one who thinks Taylor's racist accents are just too much? Oh, he doesn't like the accent? Oh, it's offensive, isn't it? Oh, what do you think, Mukumbe?

I think he does a great job with it. He should continue to do these accents. I enjoy it more than a glass of clean water with no paste. How can you not like that? Who the fuck would care? If they listen to the P.K.A., they don't fucking care about that. What fucking pussy is listening to this show and they're like, I think he went a bit too far with that

racist accent. I did not care for him. It makes me feel bad for Mugume and his family. He only has nine children and all of them will stop yeah those are fucking hilarious i fucking love those those racist accents and and they're funny bits to go along with the accent it's not just the accent it's fucking hilarious it seemed like everybody piled on that guy and we're like yeah you're a pussy get out of here oh well at least it went well yeah yeah yeah oh that's funny yeah i don't i don't get how like who are these people i do that i get the most positive feedback right oh i was gonna say so um i mentioned on pkn this week that my friend

big mechs that i play uh pub g with um he uh, he was telling us while we were playing, he's like, yeah, so I own some properties down here in Mexico, went out in the backyard yesterday to count them two human heads in my backyard. Fresh human heads. Disembodied human heads. Fresh human heads in my backyard. And we were like, what got that's fucked man and i didn't

i believed him but it was like maybe he's just pulling my leg he's like you guys want to see pictures and we were like no no we don't but then i mentioned it to woody and he's like what i'd love to see some pictures of some human heads so those those have been forwarded to you, Woody. I don't know if you've checked them out yet, but if you open your email right now, you could look at those human heads live on the show. I don't think he said... I've been on top of my email. Chiz posted right there the particular email they were sent to. I don't want to say it out loud. Thank you for that.

Let me see. But they were sent to Chiz, and Chiz forwarded the pictures of the human heads onto you. They are good luck. I do not want to see the human heads. Well, that's a bummer. I've seen too many human heads on the internet. Their souls will never go to the afterlife now. Is that a Native American thought?

Yes. Who is this guy? He's a guy I play video games with online. I don't actually know him or anything. I know him as Big Mex. I imagine he's a large Mexican man. He's part of our whack pack. He's Cartel Carlos.

He brings his own heads. I's part of our whack pack. He's Cartel Carlos. You know, he brings his own heads. Yo, Holmes, I got all kind of body parts. You want to see body parts? I got them. I wouldn't be really that chill if two body parts, not even heads, showed up anywhere around my home. I mean, like, they didn't just leave this here on accident. They had the wherewithal to get rid of the rest of the bodies. So clearly this is fear left for a reason.

The rest of the body was apparently strewn down the highway a bit at a time. So he explained that – he said that basically the cartel was a lot like the Italian mafia, how they weren't just senseless, violent, evil people necessarily. They often had a purpose in their violence a bit of method to the madness if you will and in this instance these gentlemen were thieves and the first time they were caught thieving they would lose a finger or several fingers or even a hand but this was the second or third time that these two had been caught and so they were completely disembodied and the heads were left there the torsos a bit farther down the road and like the hands you know just they were scattered about strewn down the down the aisle tell your friend to send me more pictures i can't make heads

or toes out of this thing here it really looks like two gigantic sliced up baked potatoes and they fill most of a pickup truck bed they They're still in the pickup truck bed. And I just don't see faces in it. How do two heads fill most of a pickup truck? Well, you're in luck. I'll send it on to you. I will see it now. Just tweet it out

and I'll see it. I'm not exactly sure how to see this. We can both get suspended. Holy shit, man. Yeah, I... i'm not exactly sure we can both get suspended holy shit man yeah i uh he told me a story about some other guy who was apparently like some semi-famous mexican singer and he had slept with a cartel member's wife and they let it slide the first time but he slept with her again and they caught him and so they they cut his dick off shoved it in his mouth and shot him so they let it slide the first time right because he's a famous he's i was like they let it slide he's like well he's like a famous singer and like the

bosses were like hey you know just let's let it slide one time you know like like i like i guess I'm a regular person, and I might have killed him. Well, you're... Regular. Well, then, Chiz, let's not put him in the chat if these pictures are fucking graphic as fuck, to quote Chiz. Too late. They're uploading. I sent them a while ago.

I just have a bad idea. That was so upsetting. Chiz, is this going to put me in a sour mood? No. No, it's nothing. I, come on. It's nothing. I'm totally joking. It's fine. We've watched some terrible things here. I have seen much worse than this.

I hope they at least ate the rest of the pats. Leave nothing to waste. Very difficult to survive. I imagine you do that accent so well that I think you're almost at a Robert Downey Jr. level where you could go blackface and do that accent and just as long as you smile a lot it's not racist. Oh like with like the head bobbing oh we are just happy for you to be here like with that like uh like you're the the guy in like the the uh have you ever gone to like jamaica or something like that like this is not a jamaican

accent obviously yeah there's always like that like dude who clearly is not just hanging around the resort who clearly lives in some corrugated tin roof shack nearby but he has to have that giant smile on you know the whole time fuck These the pictures you got the pictures. Oh my god. What do they look like just giant mesh giant big potatoes? That's their torso all sliced up torture style. I'm trying to see head in this thing No, but the heads are cut off so No, but the heads are cut off. These are the torsos. I don't even see arms or legs. They've been cut off as well.

Well, you know, it's hard to identify just a big... There's no nipples. I guess I'll download it. Let's get a closer look. Jesus Christ. Those are incredibly graphic. They're straight up baked potatoes. I don't even see human in this.

What he means by that is that their flesh is the color of a baked potato because, A, they're Mexican, and, B, they have decomposed to some extent, but they are covered in these long, deep slashes, and they are just a torso in the back of a truck. So when you cook them, they don't pop. Yeah, that's right. You know how you punch the holes in a baked potato before you yeah yeah same exact thing here yeah they're in a back back of a truck and i don't speak spanish nor do i read it so i don't know what those signs say but i'm just gonna throw a wild guess out and they probably say something

like this is what happened to thieves around here or something like that. Look at the cuts on their backs. They form letters. It's funny. I don't speak Spanish, but I do read it. Esto es paña. Los que apayo a los ter... It's a little fuzzy. ...player on and apara de zinan

and then the rest is too fuzzy. I don't know. God knows what you just said. Yeah, I don't know either. Woody's summoning the cartels at his home. He's saying, this is a message for the cartel boss. These are the poster boards that these two gentlemen...

My name is Woody. That's what it translates to. What if it translates to like these are the poster boards that these two were holding up you know threatening the cartel before we cut their heads and limbs off and carved we have no beef with them

and we don't want them to come hunt us down and murder us I mean Woody might I can't it depends on what he read with ISIS and see where that goes I mean at well I can't see cartel with ISIS and see where that goes. I mean, well, geography might be a difficult play there, but

aside from that, ISIS has been so wiped out. Like, you gotta say the cartel would fucking trounce them. Like, it wouldn't be close, you know? Like, the drug money they have? Then again, ISIS has got that iran money yeah isis has money and there's still thousands of them but there's way more than thousands of cartel members because there's way more than one cartel

right like there's i'm not i know all of this from narcos and that was columbia so i'm making some assumptions but hey coffee i got some coffee called uh igniter or something like that has twice the amount of caffeine as normal coffee it is really getting me fired up over here i'm i'm definitely feeling it i i feel like i'm vibrating a little how long has ben been gone and what percentage of the show has been 50-50 he said he was I was looking at the dead bodies I didn't notice

yeah that's a hard 29 a hard 29 well I mean he's like he may have just been working through some dysentery. Yeah, that you got.

That dirty water that you did. I was surfing today, and I think I swallowed a turd. Oh, God. It's the Dr. Seating World. I was letting you guys work through that one I have a pretty wide envelope but you didn't hang with that? I thought you'd be right there with us

was it the Mexican cartel or the he didn't want to offend the cartel that's what this was all about we show respect to the cartel. That's what this was all about. No. We show respect to the cartel. Yes, we do. How bad is it?

Oh, the image? Well, they're right here for your viewing pleasure. No, not the image. The cartel. Oh, pretty bad. Look up dismembered people cartel in Google. People made into salads they literally do that chop people and then they put like heads of lettuce and tomatoes yeah and they feed them to their family that apart i think is fake i made that up but i bet they

that might just not have made it to the news i made that up i get creative though that's i've been to mexico a bunch of times and i guess obviously right over the border it's not too bad an hour or two into the board in surfing because baja or baja mexico is like pretty minor people act like it's california yeah it's uh well i mean tijuana is really close to the border and isn't it really dangerous i'm sure it's pretty gnarly but i mean i know people that go there to party so i don't know i know people that go there for surgery i do too we had a friend who was considering i'm sure you're aware that like you dental work in Mexico done really cheaply. And I've heard of people going to Costa Rica and getting dental work done and all kinds of stuff like that.

It's a third the price, a quarter the price, shit like that. And if you need a full, sometimes dental work can be $40,000. Well, our friend was intending, he's not going to do it anymore, but he was going to go get this weight loss surgery down there. And it was like all-inclusive $5,000. It was like, we pick you up from the airport, we put you up in the beautiful Ramada, and we cut you apart, and then seeing you right back home. He was going to die. He was just going to die. Why did he die? Because he was just gonna die why'd he bail because he was gonna die

and we convinced him that he was gonna die i think so now did we act is did he say like is that the reason he's not gonna do it anymore because he heard us or maybe did some research on his own and was like yeah it seems like risky business yeah yeah pretty much like like i doubt he's crediting us but but i would say maybe he did some of his own personal research. He got enough of his fans coming at him and being like, dude, just save up an extra $15,000 and get that shit done in the US of A. That way you don't get septic on a Mexican highway somewhere and dumped in the ditch or something like that. When did he say, Kyle, do you know that he's not going to do it anymore? When did he say, Kyle, do you know that he's not going to do it anymore?

He said on stream a while back that he was going to continue saving up so that he'd get the American surgery. I think he found somewhere that would do the American surgery a bit cheaper than the $24,000 he had been quoted originally. If I remember correctly, it's in the teens, $15,000, $17,000 or something to get that surgery. And you get to keep your belly button and you get to keep your belly button you get to keep your belly button and it's no no longer distended yeah yeah i mean that's definitely worth it it's save up the extra 15 grand in lieu of like a good chance of dying because like i just all remember the sites we were looking at for the weight loss stuff there yeah like it seemed reputable but if they're telling you to get in and out in four days, it's because they've got a bunch of other Americans coming in to do the exact same surgery,

and they're probably not quite as extreme a case. It was only one day rest, and then you're back driving to San Diego on a plane and out. I just pictured him in that airport in San Diego after they've dropped him off, just in incredible pain or doped up on medication, whatever they gave him, probably some extremely strong narcotic. It's a giant hole they were going to cut in. But how big is that surgery, right? Women have C-sections in their home the next day. have c-sections in their home the next day yeah in america with normal you know body fat levels right like like he's you know not to be shitty and i'm not picking on him or anything but but he's got a lot of fat to cut through you've seen how big his belly is the the the incision would

cut through even if it were only a four inch incision right it's that that's a four incision that's four inches deep and a four inches wide, and a foot deep? Like, there's at least a... It would be a foot deep, yeah. A foot? I guess. At least a foot. Come on, you see...

Or maybe... Yeah, a foot may... I don't know, I'm having a difficult time picturing a cross-section. Like, my spatial reasoning, like, trying to, like, move this in my head, like... Yeah, yeah. He's not a trapezoid, he's a sphere. Come on, you've seen him are the organs out by the skin or like there's fat inside there if you ask yeah he's marbled

like if you ask me like at gunpoint like because this is revealing at how little we all know about what's inside going on here like aside from lungs and heart like if you said where's your heart i'd be like i'm fucking here where's your lungs like right there is and heart like if you said where's your heart i'd be like fucking here where's your lungs like right there ish and then if they said like all right show me where your kidneys uh uh pass uh kidney yeah i know where that stuff is from like you know because i've seen you know i know where that stuff is from fighting because like i i've seen like them do the thing um where they show uh like liver shots and stuff and of course there's that shot where fucking boss rootin ruptured that guy's Liver in and and pancreas. Have you seen that that that fight ever woody?

It's been a while with a palm struck right because you know, you can't do closed fists and pancreas He fucking he'd hit him like Because you can't do closed fists and pancreas. He'd hit him like three times in the liver. And the guy, if I remember correctly, the guy was fighting dirty in some way. I don't remember exactly what he was doing. And Boss is doing commentary over his own fight. And he's like, and here is the famous shot.

I ruptured his liver. He's so proud of it. He literally ruptured the man's liver. Jesus Christ. I love MMA. It takes a certain cruelty to be good at that. I remember Joe Lozon was telling me he had fought Jim Miller and he got a big cut on his forehead, right?

So the next fight he goes into, he's like, I'm going to try and do that to that guy, you know? To get even. That guy did nothing to Joe, right but but this is the mentality they might have become i showed my dad joe's last fight and uh and it went very poorly for joe and and and he was fighting clay guida and uh before as they're like you know facing off before the fight starts my dad's like good, is he fighting a fucking caveman? This isn't going to go well for your buddy, Kyle.

Oh, no. Oh, no, Kyle. Oh, no. Oh. Oh, no. I was like, yeah, that was my reaction too, Dad. That is not the guy that you want to fight. Like, Clay Guida looks like a goddamn Neanderthal.

He's such an intimidating looking guy. He's got this huge mane of, like, curly black hair, and he's extra wide and powerful. That was not fun to watch. Yeah, I actually still have not watched more than a Gipsworth of that fight. And from your explanation, I probably don't need to. Yeah, it was terrible do you want to watch, so I have two videos here each of them in my opinion are fucking hilarious

there's the Wings Private Investigator video which I think we should watch what is it? it's Wings Redemption Private Investigator I just linked it there like a little backstory of what it is it's a trailer for a make believe show in's it's a trailer for a make-believe show in which

he's a private investigator i was reading is this a video that he made is it a video this is a good video oh you're insufferable yeah yeah you load me up i'm i. Of course, you're going to take a shot. Yeah. Hey, how are you? Oh, I need to see this. Oh, it's only a minute long. Yeah, yeah. Short and to the point. It's got a little music. Here, Wings commented.

He said, I love this. That's great. Taylor, can you count it down? My internet's crap here. Three, two, one, go. Go. It's magnum The black box. I didn't think we needed all of our footage. To me, it's just the weak stuff. I don't know.

Ah, that was fun. Wait, so that clip of him, Kyle, in the baby bath, or baby pool, being pulled on a rope, that must be part of the fitness camp you did with him, right? You know, we did so much stuff. I don't recall it being that. I don't remember doing that.

Because what exercise could that be where he's sitting there being pulled? That was the wings drag. I don't know. So it was really difficult for Jeremy. I honestly don't remember why we did that. I really don't. I was just trying to make fun videos for people to watch.

And then at some point I was like, get in the baby pool and we'll drag you behind a truck. Let's go. And I'm just kidding. That was funny, right? Oh, yeah. It was your equivalent of like the it's always sunny like the hammer fist where you're like hammer snap bend jerk hammer jerks yeah they

just did the worst possible oh now we did we did real work i thought the the jeremy pulls excellent workout for him because they were low impact, they were entertaining, and they were strenuous. That's the trifecta for a Wings workout video, right? He's literally dragging... If you've never seen the FPS bootcamp, you're fucking up. Go search that. And I don't get paid for those.

I think those are on his channel. So yeah, go check those out. They're fucking hilarious. I've watched some of them. I haven't watched all of of it but i haven't picked your mind about it too much uh and i will as soon as as we uh have a little word oh am i i'm supposed to do a do an advertisement is that my cue there advertisement yes advertisement she's cued me i cued you i yeah. She just cued me. I cued you. I see. I like that. That's teamwork right there.

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when you visit SmartMouth.com for free shipping today. Yes, check them out. It's great. You'll never have bad breath which is great for getting laid it's great for the workplace it's uh great for talking to people close like at chipotle or other places where you order food or if you spit to masturbate and you ever do that and and then your hand just smells horrible afterwards you you ever you're like oh oh that's the worst thing that will no longer be a problem not everybody can be out there getting ladies with smart mouth maybe maybe you're all by

yourself and you could still benefit from some some smart mouth you lose taylor frozen there's a new shit really is there yeah bootleg internet motherfuckers what is that There's a new... Shit. Really? Is there? Bootleg internet motherfuckers. What is that? My internet's great! Am I still frozen? You're good now. I think you're good now. Oh, I'm good now. Okay.

Anyway, Smart Mouth, check it out. If you're in California, they just legalized marijuana, and they have a... There's a dry mouth rinse as well. And so I've heard that that's a very common side effect of that kind of drug use. And so you'd be a fool not to take advantage. And you know what else can make your breath stink, Ben?

Having your main hobby be traipsing about with a board and sewage. That can also cause it, and this will solve it. You might want to just pour it all over yourself. Yes, exactly. Just smartmouth.com. Rub it in. After I was in the Missouri River, I actually poured

red apple cider vinegar all over my body, did a full rub down, chugged a bottle of it, and I ate a bunch of garlic and shit. Garlic? That must have fixed the smell. It was for

the garlic mosquitoes. Oh. Jesus Christ. I use Off, which is a brand of spray. How's it taste? Apparently the garlic helps you fight off mosquito-borne illness. I don't know why, but that's what the kid that was surfing there told me.

And he's from that area of Missouri, and he's surfing in a river. And so if anybody has to know that, it's him. My mom always said, just eat a bit of garlic. You can straighten anything out. What area were you near when you were at the river? I honestly have no idea because I drove from New Jersey to West Virginia, then to Tennessee, then to Kentucky, then to Indiana, and then to Missouri. And I was by myself driving, surfing in rivers, and I honestly kind of started

losing my mind. So I wasn't paying that much attention. I was more paying attention, just get to the wave, get it done, and get the fuck out of there so you were alone for this this whole you know grand tour of surfing like what how many times because i'm not going to ask if because i think your previous answer gave that away how many times throughout it were you like this kind of fucking sucks every day i'm glad you're honest that's funny well yeah i mean it's gnarly dude like being being in different places especially like some of those places were heavy like the river the spots where i had to surf in the river kind of like gnarly areas they're not not what i'm used to you know it's a lot of them were pretty,

like, poverty stricken, I guess you would call it, like, when I surfed in Kentucky, it was, like, trailers on the, on the riverbed, like, trash everywhere, like, gnarly looking people, like, dude, I was sketched out, so, like, my anxiety and my adrenaline's just going up and down, up and down the whole time, and I'm surfing in, you know, the dirty water. It's just like... Face sailors dipping around in our drinking water. I went to Kentucky, and, like, you say people living in trailers.

That was the high-class people. In Harlem, Kentucky, there are people living in treehouses. Unfinished, unfinished treehouses. Yeah, and they didn't have windows. they just had plastic where a window would go. Like, like, they had aspirations of having a window someday. But no windows. Did they build?

Woody, this is a town of 1700 people. Marlowe, Kentucky, it's famous! Brad Pitt, or Brad Paisley made a song about it. I gotta look it up. they build did they build the tree houses yeah clearly clearly these were not professionally built tree houses as far as i could tell but but they were like square and they just didn't have any like maybe a tree is cheaper than a foundation i don't know but oh wow the median income for a household in the city was 17 270 dollars in harlem median income for a household in the city was $17,270.

In Harlem? The median income for a family is $29,000. Dude, a guy who owned like a pizza joint of some sort, like a pizza parlor, and he was so excited because he just got approved for food stamps. And he's like, we're going to take off through the roof. It's going to go big. As soon as we get food stamps in here, that's the currency of Harlem, Kentucky. It was huge. I bet he was.

He was probably genuinely psyched. He's like, so many of these fuckers come in, eat our pizza, and then go to pay with a food stamp. And I have to go, oh, well, now I've lost pizza, and I can't take your food stamp. And so now at least he gets some money. That's good. Nice work. There are wealthy parts of Kentucky. Like the racing horse parts of kentucky like the the race the racing horse parts of kentucky like like

you'll drive through um there'll be these massive swaths of land and the property there is extremely expensive but like you said you know there are definitely those poverty stricken inbred parts west virginia is the worst it's weird where where those river waves are it just seems like they're really gnarly areas i don't know why and west virginia yeah like you're saying like i drove like i would drive through and it'd be like really poor and then i would hit a road and make like a weird left and there would just be like super nice mountain cabins like shit you see in movies it yeah really uh the ugliest people i've ever seen in my life were in west virginia like per capita um I remember we stopped in this town in West Virginia. I thought you were going to go Boston there. Oh, I'm...

I was talking to my dad about this the other day and the Boston joke came up right after this. Like, West Virginia is number one for ugly people. Not just ugly women. Ugly people. There is inbreeding going on in the small towns of West Virginia. And how could it not? There's a population so small, you're

going to fuck a few cousins, right? It's just going to happen. It's the risk you take. It's going to happen. I'm at risk. I mean, you're looking for a cousin. That's less inbreeding than just doing random. It's the mathematical assurance that you take. Yeah, uncle brothers and shit like that. So we were in this town.

We went up to a mountaintop to meet this crazy guy who wrote a bunch of the reloading manuals. And he had this 20mm sniper rifle. And we hung out with him, shot his sniper rifle, and then we left. And we go to the only town nearby that had a Walmart because we needed some duct tape and shit. And we're in Walmart looking around. And I was like, guys, I just kind of noticed.

Is it just me or is everyone here kind of deformed in one way or another like their noses aren't shaped right look at these people look at them and they were like yeah i did notice there's some ugly motherfuckers in here and we started looking and everybody was a three or lower on a there were no fours in this west virginia town and i was like you know i'm really hungry i wonder if there's anything to here to eat other than like Burger King, McDonald's. Sure enough, there's a steak restaurant just over across the road from Walmart. I'm like, I guarantee

we'll go into that nice steak restaurant. They're going to have a pretty waitress or a hostess or something like that. Those bitches were so snaggletoothed and greasy haired. Just nasty fucking women in West virginia and the men too everybody there was it was pot bellies like four teeth in their head greasy hair just inbred

bitches everywhere it was disgusting and of course boston is the second ugliest place for women and my joke that i always retell whenever it comes up, I say, what do you call an attractive woman in Boston? And Joe is like, whack, a tourist. A tourist. This is the strategy, right? Like forever you've been thinking, oh, hypothetical single Woody goes to Sweden, scores all these. No, go to West Virginia where I'm a king. That's where it's at. That fellow's got both his eyes. That's where it's at.

That fella's got both his eyes. All the time. He got out of an automobile on the way in here. Oh, God. He went nut-noosing out of his ears. La-di-da. Somebody washes. I saw him open his wallet.

He's got a tanner in there. Yeah. I feel like we can mock West Virginians for the same reason we can mock midgets and Native Americans. They don't listen. They don't have internet there. Yeah, and West Virginians are mostly white, and you're allowed to make fun of white people for anything as much as you want. Oh, absolutely, yeah, especially white trash white people.

You think West Virginian white people, even if they are a big fan, are going to do anything but laugh if they hear this? They'll just be like, well, they're making some good points. There are a lot of ugly girls around here. They know it's true. They know it's true. They know it's true. I wonder if you grew up with, like, I feel like if you grew up with uglier women, like, maybe,

remember that documentary we watched with the Indian tribes and how all the women were just really fugly looking? Wait, the Indian tribes? Yeah, yeah, those Indonesian tribes. Yeah, when the two British guys, or Australian guys really fugly looking and uh indian tribes yeah yeah those those those indian tribes when the two british guys or australian guys whatever went and they lived with them yeah

yeah like like those guys just had a much lower standard for what was acceptable in a in a female i i feel like we're spoiled by the by the internet in the world like you get on reddit and there's just all of these tens and elevens just constantly naked on your feed but if we lived in a small west virginia town i mean shit if she's got most of her teeth we're just rock hard we're just all over that yeah and like you have to think from the other side like because all those like women in that village were a little fugly all the men were a little fugly too in that village because i guarantee there's at least some going on yeah yeah there's definitely some even when they're like oh we traded uh people to each other's tribes it's like yeah but are you really it's not like one of you is in seattle and the other one's in boston like you guys are are 95 yards apart

like you go say hi all the time like but you have but you've got to think that all those women in the tribe like when those two tall British or whatever guys showed up they had to be like Jesus Christ yeah that is a good-looking man he's how tall is he? taller than 5'5 like wow like he must have had nutrition he didn't eat bugs out of a rotten log for celebrations. I like the part when they were like, they were like, have you seen Mark and Ollie's penises? They are enormous. They must have had full nutrition all throughout their childhood. Oh, that's right.

And they had those like unicorn horns that they put on the penises and they like didn't fit properly. Yeah, they didn't have a dick gourd big enough for mark and ollie's dicks you're not supposed to put your dick in a gourd anyway like if they if i were if you were be honest with me who's being judgy everybody i'm being judgy about that that fucking way on this your dick in a gourd nonsense if you were at that tribe and they were like all right you want to be part of the gang go cram your dick into this dried gourd and then come out in the in a in a leafy skirt and dance around would you just would you agree or would you be like honestly can i just be can i just go

naked with just the skirt and my dick hanging out that's the the better move because you guarantee you're gonna draw some hits right and you're going to draw some hits. Right? And you're going to probably get some tribe pussy that night and probably with multiple of them. Or no, you can't because then they'll accuse you of being a witch. You probably get more chicks if you use the gourd because that's their deal. They're into the gourd.

Oh, they're into novelty. They're going to show up with a giant gourd and a regular sized dick. It's like a rhinoceros horn. Just a pumpkin. Just a pumpkin strapped on. A chicken gourd, for sure. I would not.

That's like the... It's the push-up brawl of the native Indian tribe world or something. Native Indonesian. Is that it? I would be so afraid to fuck one of those chicks like is malaria and std can you get it that way because if so you're dead you get malaria the bigger question is has ben naturally developed a like vaccine for it well yeah he's all he's all can you only get malaria from a mosquito i'm sure like you can get it from a malaria-infected person, right?

Malaria is not spread from person to person like a cold or the flu, and it cannot be sexually transmitted. You cannot get malaria from casual contact. Alright, well, fuck those malaria bitches. Alright, get on it. And you know, a good thing about that is you don't have to commit to any kind of future.

Yeah, she's gonna be all shivery. Like, it's... Share the blanket commit to any kind of future. Yeah, she's going to be all shivery. Share the blanket, man. Is this going to be a life expectancy joke? Oh, yeah. Well, she's got malaria. Yeah, let's have a nice summer fling. After this, I'll go on.

But for you, it's a summer fling. The rest of your life. It's good to be in a place where malaria isn't a thing. Yeah, I wonder what Tinder's like there oh if like there's one there's two people with cell phones damn it and we are related what the luck you just keep going around to the same

three girls over and over until you swipe ah I would hate to live in a isn't it great to be in a civilized country like a first world country? Like I'm not waving the United States flag and saying we're the best, we're the best number one or anything. There's plenty of developed countries out there that it would be fine to be in, right? But there are definitely some of those countries that you just absolutely would – it would be awful to live – what are some of the countries that would be awful to live in?

Kyle, how much do I have to pay you to live for 10 years in Kenya? I'm starting there because Kenya is actually one of the more modern African nations compared to some of the really rough ones. I don't know much about Kenya. Come on, 10 million for sure. 10 years is impossible. How many magumbos does that translate to i i think that is their their uh that's the currency of kenya the magumbo seriously no yeah no absolutely not No. Their currency is malaria vaccines.

That's where I did. We're just believing others. How much clean water does that translate to? No. It would be goats in a freshwater well. It'd be something like that that you would use as

currency. I don't know, man. I'd have to see it. Here are the things I need. I need a compound. Walls around this compound. I want a pet hyena on a chain, like a real hardcore one. I think that'd be cool. I want to be able to go on safari, and I want to be able to shoot

some rare animals. You know how quickly that's going to go south for you? You're there for 10 years, sir. Let's say you make it a couple weeks before everybody who's not in a compound who lives around is like why does this white man live in such a nice place and we live in this shitty hut i see him walking around he pour water from a nestle bottle on his head in front of us because it is hot out like and then and then they're gonna storm it like

they're gonna take all your money and you'll be murdered because there's no justice in Africa if BBC and CBS and all the news stations have – I have a Kenyan expert here just texting me. Kitty says that she's got some family from Kenya. Kenya, is it a civilized place, Kitty? Kenya. Kenya! Is it a civilized place, Kitty? Some of it? Are there cities with internet and condoms and frozen

food and shit? Oh, definitely. You'll be back to your old internet wishing you could livestream. Do they have high-speed internet? They definitely... You can pay for high-speed internet, I bet. She says they have internet, but probably not high-speed internet i i don't know i

this is this is pretty iffy i yeah i would live in kenya for 10 million dollars i i bet it would translate it would uh you know translate to their currency very well it would it would transfer very well i'd have like 80 billion kenyan mugumbos or whatever the fuck they use as currency there and you probably do very well you could pay all those villagers off, put them in better huts, give them a well. I'm sure once you advertise your wealth, everything will be fine. You don't advertise your wealth. I pay them and they become my child army.

I get myself some Coney-style child soldiers out there with fucking AK's locked and loaded some hard eight-year-olds and you gotta get the hardened eight-year-olds the ones that you forced to kill their own families that way they've got that dead look in their eye all the time get them drugged up no no drugs you want them sharp no i think you drug them kyle in somalia what they do is they uh for pirates they chew chew that leaf. Caught. Caught. And it gets you super amped up so that when they go on their pirate raids, they're ready to shoot people ready to go. Yar!

That's the most dangerous country in Africa, Kyle. Somalia. How much money for Somalia? To live in Somalia for 10 years. And you know what? I guarantee if you build a compound in Somalia, you're dead within the week. Have you seen Blackhawk? The same 10 million because we don't know the difference between those two countries at all. Somalia, Ethiopia, Kenya, they're all deserts.

I've seen Blackhawk down. The same general area of Africa. I would do it if you gave me tens of millions of dollars. But again, you would have to hire a private security firm to be there on a 10-year contract and be guarding you all the time. They're up in towers with night vision at night looking for fucking hajis and pirates. And God, I wish those pirates wore actual pirates hats and had peg legs and shit,

and they weren't just skinny black men on speedboats. That shattered my illusions. I always heard about those pirates and then you see them and you're like, ah, they're just hungry people on speedboats. That guy's like 5'8 and he weighs 118 tops. He's just starving. None of them have hook

hands. Not a parrot in the crowd. Not a peg leg. Not an eye patch. Not a swash. Not an eye patch. Not a swashbuckling expert. No flintlock dual pistols. Let alone stab the sailboat

and slide down with a knife. That's a cool maneuver. You know how we talk about things we do if we were just multi-multi-billionaires and mine is always buying sports teams and making ridiculous exhibition matches uh-huh like ruining all the more crazy thing i can start my own kind of like black water uh where i have like a mercenary service that our sole goal is to shut down pirates pirating piracy in Somalia. But all of my men,

all of my people, they have to ride old timey ships across the sea. They have to dress in a red coat outfit. And they have to have a guy with a fife on the back the whole time going... Like that whole thing.

And then they have to only use weapons of the time so like putting broken glass in a blunderbuss that they're firing at some guy who's just like please we are just so hungry like i would love that there's a youtube channel i was trying to look for it but there's a guy there's he's private military and he has a youtube channel he works on big boats like big shipping boats and he goes through somalia and he has some YouTube channel. He works on big boats, like big shipping boats. And he goes through Somalia and he has some crazy videos on there. But I can't figure out.

Does he ever get shot at? He has a shooting video. It's pretty intense. They're never as intense as I want them to be. The pirates are always off in the distance, completely outmatched. I want a fair fight. I mean, not in real distance, completely outmatched. I want a fair fight. I mean, not in real life, but for video purposes. Yeah, that's where my idea comes in.

They have to get real close with their flintlocked rifles or whatever. And of course, I get to be the captain. Flaming bow and arrows. The cannons and stuff. Oh, that would be... i would you do that taylor like like if that were a vacation would you go on one of those big cruise ships they hook you up with an ar-15 with a you know a nice scope all the ammo you can shoot and you're like all right you see speed boats come and give them give them a couple warning shots they don't turn away you light them

the fuck up would you go on that's true warnings uh castle doctor the reason i'm saying no is it because i don't think it might not be fun if something broke out but i feel like just like with uh like a safari or like even at like aquariums and stuff like most of the time nothing's happening you know like there's just animals sitting around and these these people in ken or not kenya somalia like they're not going to be pirating you all day every day there's a lot of boats out there like you'll maybe see like one pirate ship right what if it's like one of those deer hunts that you go on where we guarantee you one pirate kill oh man then then for sure can i keep them

you that's that's if you pay that for the full supreme, you get to kill one pirate, and you get the pirate of your choice mounted. They'll do a full head mount where his hands are hanging out too. It's hands and head, hands and head. And for an extra five grand, full body mount. Full body mount. He's standing there with his rifle. He's going to look – it's like one of those old store Indians. I hope there's extras, right?

Like for 50 bucks, we'll poke out an eye and put a patch on it. And for $100, we'll chop off a leg and put a peg there. He's already dead. Who cares? It's your money, retard. You could have gone on a fucking sandals vacation. I've done whatever you want. I would much rather fight pirates than go on a sandals vacation

I was meaning like for the cost of apparently the full body Somalian dressed up in his Somalian clothes you could go on like a cruise where you're dealing with a lot of little children yeah I guess you're right I'd rather go on the Somalian pirate ship but then there are children on the Somalian ships

what if you accidentally shoot a kid then you'll feel absolutely terrible my hope is that the taxidermist charges less. Yeah. Yeah. The little ones, you know, it's... I mean, they do charge less to, like, do a cat than, like, Great Dane at those kind of places. I wonder if they would do, like, a

jackalope-style thing. You know, they do the rabbits with the deer antlers. Could we do something like that to one of these Somalians? Could we put some antlers on them? Or you just combine two in like a Ripley's Believe It or Not turn of the century. Like, come one, come all. See the fearsome Somalian pirate?

Two heads, four arms. Strong as Knox. May not look it. Always hungry. I want this so bad. I can't believe it's not a tourism thing at this point. Because it seems that... I mean, I've seen so many videos of this happening. It seems like a readily available thing that these pirates...

And you could tempt them into it, right? You could put out a nice morsel, like pleasure yacht out there in those waters. And then all of a sudden, SE seal team six pop up from below kind of thing yeah it looks like a pleasure yacht but then all of a sudden 50 caliber machine guns rise up from the side and you just mow them all down oh man yeah but that wouldn't be as sporting sporting is our other idea you said that you were gonna we're gonna use like muskets and shit you said you wanted to use muskets and shit if i said you wanted to use muskets and shit. If I can't dress up like a pirate when we're playing pirate, I don't want to play.

It's fine to dress up as a pirate, but you don't arm yourself like a pirate. That's just silly. I mean, we could have swords. I definitely want to kill one with a sword, right? No, that's too real. No? What are they going to do? They don't get a sword?

Woody's going to hold him down for you. No, then it's just murder. I guarantee they're better with swords than I am. too real too well because what are they gonna do they don't get a sword what he's gonna hold him down for you no then it's just murder i guarantee they're better with swords international waters so they're still better with a sword than me i don't know there's a law you can i don't know what to do you just hack you just hack away like it's a chicken honestly it might be an endurance game because i know i've got a larger stockpile of calories that's absolutely true you're much stronger than the average somalian pirate i guarantee it much bulkier you've got the stamina you got the cardio i i don't see any reason why you couldn't you couldn't just take them out you're hyping me up let's let's do this let's go to let's go to somalia like carter or not Carter, Cartman and Butters.

Like, whenever we talk about traveling to these scary places and I turn it down, it's because you can't take guns to those places. But if there's a place where I could be armed, I would happily go anywhere, just about. Like, there was a time when, like, they offered to, like, give me, like, press credentials and let me go to Afghanistan. And I was like, yes. Why? Yes. to like give me like press credentials and let me go to afghanistan and i was like yes yes they're like they're like technically on your paperwork it'll say you've got a camera but we'll give you a gun i wanted to serve north korea so bad and i researched so much shit but like the uh travel agency shut down but they were shipping people in from china into north korea

and apparently there's like a full coastline full waves a surf camp everything but highly dangerous yeah man surf camp yeah they they you could even look it up online i've seen videos like pretty much what the breakdown ended up being is i would have to pay like thousands of dollars and I get a train in from China and I have to go to one certain beach and I have to surf at the surf camp with the instructors and then I have to leave. It's not like something I could do like an exhibition or something. But dude, I was trying to talk to the travel agency for like months. That would have been extremely viral, I feel like yeah for sure that's really cool how was the surf um it's good but not where they have the camp and not where they have the beach resorts and everything set up but like south korea has waves and it's like same coastline right

yeah so i mean that's where it's at right yeah of course but um they actually have surfing in i don't know about somalia but liberia too liberia is down there somewhere i don't know how close to somalia but i don't know much about yeah we're from the united states so geography is one of our weak suits. You don't possibly just mean Libya, do you? No, no. It's Liberia. I know what he's talking about. But I picture, I know off at the bottom of Africa, off of South Africa, that's where the gigantic great white sharks are.

That's where Discovery Channel goes to film the enormous 15 to 18 foot gigantic great white sharks. That terrifies me so much i was going to ask you about that like like does that never enter your mind like like the shark when you're in the ocean like especially if you're in an area where they are prevalent we're in florida right now um and there's a lot of like water life activity, like sea life. But I mean, a lot of people get bit here too. But the thing that really scares me is we're going to Northern California and Oregon and Washington like next week for like a two week trip.

And that's more scary to me, like massive great whites rather than like four foot spinner sharks, you know yeah the chances of getting bit are like a lot slimmer but if you get bit in northern california by a great white you're dead for sure yeah right like i guess you know tiger sharks and great whites is big predatory i mean they're all predatory fish but like you know like you said, like the smaller sharks, if it's a four or five foot shark, you get a gnarly scar and a story. But if it's a fucking 18 foot great white shark, you just get gobbled up. And they find you're bored with that giant bite taken out of it. I mean they say – I've heard.

I don't know how true it is. But they say in Northern California like sometimes people just disappear surfing and it's most likely a shark, but like, it's not the same. Cause I don't know if you guys remember that one summer when like two people got bitten North Carolina by sharks and it was like a ridiculous, huge news story thing. But like apparently in Northern, in the Pacific Northwest, if it happens, there's no news coverage and everybody just forgets about it. That's one of my big fears. Something about being in the water, I feel so vulnerable, especially the bottom half of being in the water. That moment whenever you're getting up on a dock or into a boat and your bottom half is still in the water a little bit that last moment before you're safe is so terrifying to me just because my brain

starts like picturing one of those sharks just fucking swimming at 35 miles per hour straight up coming for my legs and it that that scares me so much it scares me away from that any any or anything in the water really I I I watched Jaws as a kid and and and it really sunk in deep you can do it to yourself so easily though like especially surfing alone it's like in the back of your head the whole time you can either turn it into that situation or you can forget about it and surf because in like montauk new york it's like i guess there's sharks out there big big great whites. And I've been out there, and it's just foggy, and it's getting dark, and it's like no one's around.

You start getting it in the back of your head. Wait a minute. This is exactly how Jaws begins, right? It's nighttime. You can hear the buoy out there. Ding, ding. Ding, ding. Oh, no.

I'm blonde man number one. There's a girl out there. Come on. It's fun! Oh, fuck this, I'm going back in. I'm going back in, I saw the movie. I'll be out there in a sec, Sharon, keep kicking! Kick, kick wildly! Something about it, if there's one other guy out there surfing with you, no shark problems whatsoever.

When you're alone, oh my gosh, it's just non-stop every little jump in the water is a shark trying to kill you every white calf is another yeah it's scary why has no one invented a shark repelling surfboard right like like like why isn't there something on the bottom of that surfboard emitting a sonic noise you know what about a scary picture? I know the answer. Scarecrow. Just some monster growling. I don't know. Maybe I'm picturing some sort of smell or some sort of noise, some sort of like a hypersonic noise, really high pitch, really low pitch, something that would turn the shark

off, that would send it running. That's not going to scare them one bit. They have a leash that does it, but someone got bit with someone got bit in New Smyrna Beach in Florida with the leash on. Oh my god. They ate the shark propellant. One of the sharks hate Taylor.

I can't imagine it. Isn't there a sonic noise? No. Some biologists believe that, but I disagree. What it is, is you want a Japanese fisherman in full traditional garb with a spear in his hand and a very angry-looking face. He is going to get you if you get any closer. He's like, fuck, I know that's no joke.

He's next. A shark fin soup chef he's just over there like great business ideas exactly exactly like that Look at the average. Starts to be swimming up and then be like, ah, it's not worth the risk. Liberia is directly on the opposite side of Africa from Somalia. What is? Opposite sides. I think Somalia is on the east coast. It's on this side if you're looking at a mat i mean uh liberia is also not a beacon of safety no but i i found surfing in liberia

and i was checking it out but yeah it's not it's no good where are the most sharks they're on the west coast here right um well south africa like the spot i think you were talking about um probably the sharkiest in the world i would imagine or australia is pretty gnarly um but in the united states i think it's well yeah hawaii yeah florida florida really florida has the most sharks in the states. There you go. I don't surf anywhere because any amount of sharks is really, really scary.

What's the statistic on a shark attack? The chances are pretty much nearly impossible, right? They're much, much higher in the water. This isn't like a Saturday Night Live sketch. It's like... Candy Graham. Candy Graham. this isn't like a center at live sketch like candy gram candy gram like there are no sharks coming there are no sharks coming in my bathtub

in my shower and in the pool zero percent yeah it's the same way that i know i'll never fall 15 000 feet to my death because of a parachute malfunction because I'll never put myself in that position. If I fall that part of my death it's because of a pilot error or something like that and I'm not alone. I'll be screaming with with newfound friends. We'll all be walking to either heaven or hell together. Let's watch this 30 second video real quick. Taylor, can you count it down? 3, 2, 1, go. watch this 30 second video real quick. Taylor, can you count it down? 3,

2, 1, go. Oh my god. Wow. Giant shark encounter. Barn stable. Cape cod. Oh, dude. You gotta see cape cod shark for a seal.

Look how big this is as big as the shark from Jaws. Is that Lucy, the great white? Is that a fishing line in there? Yeah, I think they... Oh, they were trying to catch a fish, and then he ate the fish that they were trying to catch? See, that is just, that, that's a predator that's out there living in that fucking water, and it's going to see a hairless monkey swimming along on a board and be like, hmm, never had one of those before.

The thing's probably 100 years old. Apparently they don't want to attack humans. They usually mistake them for seals. Then they should stop attacking humans. Well, I guess that's a white shark. I'm guessing the other type. They have like a shark Twitter where you could share and look like a half-eaten calf be like not for me. They have a shark tracker and you'd be really surprised like there's one that comes off of Long Beach Island in New Jersey like every summer or every year. The same shark you mean?

Yeah, she comes back. Mary Lee, I think. What was the one you mentioned? They named it. I thought it was Lucy, but I think it was Mary Lee. Well, yeah. And Cape Cod's really bad. There's a video I saw on Instagram. It's like shark attacking a seal on the beach, like on the sand.

And, dude, it's insane. We should see if we can find that. So like when you're out there surfing how much of your mind is dominated by fears of the deep versus like just loving it? I feel like it would be hard to ever distance yourself from that like you'd always have like 40% of your mind stressing it depends on the day um and the location it's called great white shark seal attack on cape cod um he's got it yep i'm at zero but uh it's like depends on the location because sometimes especially in new england where it is like notoriously sharky a lot lot of the breaks are rock waves

a mile out or a half mile out. Your mind's going when you're out there. In Jersey, you're surfing 150 feet from the beach most of the time and not really thinking about it at all. Are you guys ready to watch this?

Yes. Oh, no, you're good. 3, 2, 1, go. And this one is Lucy. I feel like it's distracted enough that I can go out there and take it right now. A couple ice picks? Oh, look at him seal land! Look at him bloody! Awwww.

So bad, that video. It's sad out there. I can see a land. Look at him bloody. Oh. So bad, that video. It's sad. Oh, he's really fucked up. Well, is the shark going to come on the beach and get him? There's so much blood. Oh, somebody shoot the shark. I hate those things. Like, right?

Like, they're just... But the shark already got the work done. In that situation, I say shoot the seal throw it back into the water Because I anyway, yeah, I see I'd shoot him up give the shark some food Maybe give it a last meal if you're just gonna murder it anyway, like but I wouldn't murder the shark I would like to shoot a shark If I was being attacked by a shark if that shark puts me in a self-defense situation And I have if I was being attacked by a shark, if that shark puts me in a self-defense situation,

and I have one of those anti-shark air swords or knives or whatever, I can picture myself missing and dying. Because that's what's going to happen. Because when you're trying to stab underwater, you're like, I'm going to get you. And it's like, I've been doing this for 100 million years, so I'm going to go away real quick. And I know that your ape eyes can't see underwater,

and then I'm going to bite your glutes off in about 30 seconds. Those shark darts are just incredible weapons. It immediately puffs up the inside of the shark with a ton of CO2. I joke around about fighting the shark with the ice axes because you can't really swing them underwater, obviously. You'd have to get them on top of the water. That's why you jump from the helicopter. I would want a spear like a pogo stick, though, if I'm jumping from a helicopter where I've got my feet on it and all my body weight's coming down on it

and I just land on top of the shark and impale him but if you miss then he just eats you and you will miss i will miss i absolutely will then you just made a scene like white sharks like to wound their prey and then come back around too i don't like the sound of that although i don't really want to fight the shark that likes to immediately maul its prey to death in one one frenzy either right like opportunities if you fail jumping out of the helicopter all right all right i kind of just want to chum the shark up next to the boat and then just shoot it with an ak or something like he's got no chance then. But then your probability for getting

attacked probably goes up, I would imagine. I'm staying in the boat. I'm saying your chances in the future, like your energies. Oh, do you believe in that sort of thing? I do. With that, I would never... You think that if you wronged a shark

that like that would mess up your karma your cosmic energy and then in the future maybe like you'd be out there and in the waves and and and like a big daddy shark would just take one of your legs i think the chances would be higher is is karma like situational like if you cut someone off in your car do you have shark issues? Or do you have to wrong a shark to have shark issues? I think you should have to wrong a shark. I don't think it's situational.

No. Sharks are just in their own category. That really sucks that everything you wrong contributes to shark bites. Yeah. I think it should only be, like, major societal offenses. Like, the people at Subway or Chipotle who reach over the glass and point at the things they want

instead of using their words like a fucking adult and saying, I'd like a chicken burrito. They go, I want some of that and this. Oh, are there people behind me? Do you not want my fucking skin flakes in your food? Like, no, of course you don't. So that guy, I'd be fine with being eaten by a shark. For sure.

People who double park in their cars worth less than a billion dollars. And there are no cars worth a billion dollars. So if you're out there and you've got a Veyron, park in the back of the fucking parking lot and take up one space. You cunt. Don't take up two closer to the front. It's inconsiderate, and I'm going to spit on your car. I won't do that because that's inconsiderate, too, and then I'm building up my own space. You cunt. Don't take up two closer to the front. It's inconsiderate and I'm going to spit on your car. I won't do that because that's inconsiderate too and then I'm building up my own points. Okay, George.

Okay, George. Plus there's DNA involved. All you got to do is spread bird seed on it. I eject. When I see someone do that, I always ejaculate on those cars because I feel like that's going to send a much scarier message to the person. They're going to be so confused.

They're going to be like, does he like me or does he hate me? A little bit of Kyle's own cream in the gas tank. Yeah. No, no. Right on the windshield. So they got to look at it all the way home. And that's not water soluble. No, it's not.

They'll have to use cold water. Yeah, they're going to turn on their windshield wipers. It's going to smear and get sticky. Why does my car smell like bleach? All that zinc I wipers. It's going to smear and get sticky. Why does my car smell like bleach? All that zinc I'm taking. It's going to be a mess. What other rude things do people deserve to be bitten by sharks for?

Oh, people who don't need to take a right right away when you do need to take a right onto a road. And they could have been in the left lane because that's open too and you have your blinker on and they still don't get over into that left lane prior to the intersection so then you have to wait the entire duration of the light in order to get forward and take a right that guy too that guy should be eaten by a shark if it takes you

more than an eighth of a second to hit the gas after the light has turned green when you're taking a left and there's a gap between the next people are coming and you know you the world would be better if people didn't think how can i get through the left turn on green yield light and people started thinking how could the guy six people behind me get through the left turn yield light i see what you're saying here gandhi said that i think that was gandhi no that was mlk that was ml. Gandhi said that, I think. That was Gandhi? No, that was MLK. That was MLK. He said that about the traffic lights. He had a dream that people would fucking accelerate off the gun and take a left and get more people through those lights.

I would like it if, honestly, if there were some criminal offenses where we fed those people to not just sharks, but a variety of wild animals. And maybe there was a wheel they had to spin, like Price is Right, but much scarier. And, you know, instead of the dollar, that's the Freedom Square. And Bob Barker would come out of retirement to host this show once a month, right?

And the guy's like, big money, big money, big money, big money, wild dogs. And then you feed them to the wild dogs. Who's going to play this game? Criminals! Oh, they have to play. They have to play. This is a running man situation. Exactly.

I love the running man scenario. We've talked about it before, but I want it so badly. First of all, I love the movie The Running Man. If you've never seen The Running Man, you're missing the fuck out. This is classic cheesy Arnold Schwarzenegger, all right? There's a part where he faces off against a gigantic hockey player with a razor-edged hockey stick. And for some reason, he's able to lure Schwarzenegger and his band of cohorts onto an ice rink to battle it out. He knows this opponent is out there.

Oh, please don't come onto the ice rink. It's slippery. I'm not good at fighting out here. And he's just carving the ice up, coming after him with this razor-edged hockey stick. It's absurd. It does sound absurd. You gotta watch the running man, man. What do they do with

the puck in that scenario? Was it explosive? Was it also razor-bladed? I remember that there was a net, and he knocked one of them into the net, and the net locked that person into the net. And that person was like, he was trapped in the net for a second, until

Schwarzenegger was able to get the razor wire out, and he sort of did a decapitation number on the bad guy, like sawed his head off with some razor wire. I'm glad it worked out. Yeah, yeah. I was concerned the sports thinker might lose. I like your wheel of fortune idea,

but you couldn't, I think you were going too intense with it. You couldn't have just like shark, then a pack of dogs, then polar bear, and shit like that. Like you would need for like maybe a third of the wheel to be the guaranteed death. Like shark, grizzly bear, polar bear. And then other ones, or crocodile, whatever, are like they might have a chance. Like they have to fight one chimpanzee. Oh shit.

Do they get a weapon? Well, what would be like a fair thing to have in a fight against chimpanzee because one on one without weapons you're gonna get fucked up by a chimpanzee every time i really like the thunderdome concept if when you're doing any kind of a battle right sort of it reminds me of a like a battle royale scenario where you have to find the weapon so in the thunderdome there were lots of weapons kind of hanging from everywhere and you had to sort of jump up and grab one of them there's a chainsaw up there maybe there's a mace there's a big sledgehammer a sword maybe you know stuff like that oh that's the second wheel that you spin the first wheel picks your opponent the second wheel just like if you've ever watched spartac, the show, they, like, draw up, like, some shit out of a hat and this, like, death fight gladiator ring in a pit.

Okay. And they're like, oh, you've drawn a sword or whatever, a gladius. And they give it to him. They're like, oh, you drew a much smaller gladius. That's unfortunate. All right. Like, that's what you need. Like, the grand hoo-bah weapon is like a gun, like a 10mm handgun.

And they should ceremoniously give both sides, like, it's Taylor against a crocodile, and they both get a sword and a shield. And you get David Attenborough to turn out. Once again, the animals are not taking advantage of the weapons provided.

It seems thumbs are integral to their use. Nevertheless, Once again, the animals are not taking advantage of the weapons provided. It seems the thumbs are integral to their use. Nevertheless, the clock is approaching. The sword has glanced off of its scaly skin, and he is now being ripped to shreds. What used to be his car now resembles a half-eaten turkey leg purchased in Six Flags on a hot summer day. Oh my god. David Adler makes everything classy.

Yeah he does. Little fucking whistly asses. I like it. Oh yeah, this is a good idea. Cheers, put this on the dossier as well. Yep. I would honestly be willing to do battle with almost any animal if I get my choice of melee weapons. Like, we'd want a different melee weapon for various animals, but I would absolutely, absolutely fight a chimpanzee if I got

to pick my armor and my weaponry. Almost any animal, though? Because there's, like, almost any animal. See, that's absurd, because it's, like, That's where I'm going. I just, you know, almost any animal, except for the gigantic... I hear you. I'm just trying to find the upper limits

of this challenge, right? I didn't go elephant. No elephants. None of the gigantic animals. None of the apes predators, but like orangutan, you know, any of the great apes I feel like I would take on with my toy weapon and armor. You know, most of the

the hooven, the cloven, the hoven, the cloven-hoofed animals. Yeah, the hoven. That's not a word. Yeah, see that armor right there? Need some of that. That bear armor, that Russian bear armor he's got there from craft.com, which apparently existed at one point. I would definitely

fight, like, a mountain lion. I would definitely fight, like, wolves. I think it needs to be more than one way to do I picture like a genie scenario where Kyle's like you know nothing bigger than a wolf and all of a sudden there's like a swarm of mosquitoes with malaria he is a club no he has two cloves of garlic back back I learned this on wiki how I want to

I want to mate like the witch king of Angmar except it's a bug zapper on the end like a big flail a tennis racket. Yeah, yeah. Kyle, let's be fair. You can't pick armor. It's just

weapons that you get. Not even leather armor? Like a little bit of... Shields? Let's say that you're in some leather bracers and a jerkin or something. But nothing that would be resilient. And assless chaps you gotta keep your front

well I have all that you got your assless chaps you got your jerkin and then you get a hand weapon it's like a the upper body like vest looking leather thing that you would wear

that you would wear under armor, usually. So, Kyle, what, you could have a mace, you could have a flail, you could have a sharpened hockey stick, like that gentleman, if you want. No, I want a spear. I want a real good hefty spear, wide blade, like modern made. I want like a

carbon fiber handle, graphite, aluminum, something like that. Kind of lightweight, but with a big, razor sharp, broad spearhead. This is pretty similar to the hockey stick thing. If it's got a carbon fiber lightweight. Yeah. I assume, Ben, you're a regular guy of toughness of a 29-year-old athletic dude. But what percentage of men do you think you could beat up if you were in, like, chest-deep water? Percentage of men?

Wait, are they also in chest-deep water? Yeah, yeah. This is his environment, right? I don't know. It's, I mean, probably most. Most people my size if yeah because the i mean i spent a lot of time in water if there was i swim around in water constantly and on rocks and in washing around water that's such an interesting question how big of a guy are you i'm", almost, just a hair under 5'11", about 190.

Okay. So you'd be, yeah, I don't think I could take you or Woody up to my chest in water because I have not enough swimming experience. People get so out of breath in the water, it's actually really crazy. Surfing is one of those things, too, where it's like, it's one of those sports that you you think looks really like simple like go have fun surfing and people get out of breath really quick but then it's like i'm out of shape in other odd areas in life but surfing shape is like a certain type of uh physical endurance it's it's weird um yeah i don't know chest deep water

chest deep water is pretty intense actually yeah i think you're quite the badass in chest deep water do you think what's the biggest animal you could kill if we gave you the spear kyle described that you would feel confident killing. Like a nice spear. It's got a big blade on the end. Modern technology. Modern spears. I'd almost feel better about a massive animal.

Like some type of dinosaur. Like a slow moving dinosaur. Because you could try to go up against a wolf with that spear. And it would be too fast maybe. If you miss. Close the distance. That's true. Yeah, if you miss it's up on you in two seconds.

I was thinking about how quickly a chimpanzee would close the distance on that. Yeah, you're done. You'd never expect it. But with any kind of dinosaur... I mean, dinosaurs haven't been around for over 6,000 years

since Christ got rid of them. So, but I think with a dinosaur, even if you get a great shot at it, it's going to be so big, like, you're only going to survive until it decides you're a big enough nuisance to be like, ah, I was really enjoying these leaves and this 90% oxygen that we have, and then he'd turn around and tail whip you. I'm 90% sure my father says dinosaurs are fake and that geology

is not real science. Geo- but ge- What? Geology? Like paleontology? Or is he just like- He doesn't believe that there's an earth's crust or a mantle or a core. He's like, it's just a rock and that's the end of it.

It's a marble and on the center lives Satan himself, of course. Maybe it is paleontology. Is geology not where they would like look at the, you know, the different layers and see how things aged? I believe it's the science of rocks, right?

Yeah, the earth. Yeah. So I think what you're saying, Woody, is he disputes the fossils and shit, right? For sure. Absolutely. Man, what a silly conspiracy to go about doing. It would have to be some billionaire hundreds of years ago who was just like, you know it would be a farce? Like, let's make people believe in the future, there

were huge animals roaming about. It would have cost billions, sir. Yeah, all over the world. Future? Yeah, you gotta bury, because they had to like manufacture these bones, I suppose out of elephants. Oh, I see, I see, I see, yes. And they would have to leave them, you know, there for a long time, and then just bank on future paleontologists just being like,

is this plaster? Ah, this job doesn't pay shit, throw it in there. Like, get it in the... I'm so taken aback by that, the people who don't believe in like sort of the basic sciences. That's because you were not blessed with the gift of faith. You mean blind ignorance? No, Kyle. Faith.

Sometimes the only way to know you're getting it right is to believe something unsubstantiated and unfalsifiable with no evidence. Like, I can believe in a god, but you can't make me not believe in dinosaurs. Like, you just can't. I've seen Jurassic Park. What do you believe in more? Dinosaurs. I've seen Jurassic Park. What do you believe in more?

Dinosaurs. I believe in dinosaurs more because I've been to the Fernbank Museum of Natural History and Sciences and I've seen the motherfuckers. They've got a fucking stegosaurus in that bitch. I've seen it. In all fairness to the religious people who don't believe that,

I've met hundreds of times more Christians who are like, yeah, God just used evolution to get this going and that I'm fine with that. You know, why would I dispute it? Compared to the ones who are like, nope, it's all false. It literally started 6,000 years ago and we started ticking

forward. Who cares that like, fucking there are books written before then. It's easier to get on board with the idea that God is some very thoughtful game designer who laid out all these rules and the things have just been evolving and created that way since then. Yeah. Except for the fact that

to include like a free millennia of the dinosaur DLC and then humans were like, I'm not paying for this. I always go back to like, and I feel like it's silly to even go to this, because you're arguing with someone who thinks the Earth is 6,000 years old, so they're not going to even buy this anyway. But it's like, all right, dude, we know what the speed of light is, right?

The fact that you see that star proves that the universe is older, because that star is 10,000 light years away, right? It would be impossible for us to see that star if this 000 light years away right like like it would be impossible for us to see that star if if this had only been here for 6 000 years but they they like their answer to that would be like uh well einstein was you by that first of all a lion jew like like it would be something like that i don't think that i have a request for for anyone listening here i think my father told me to read revelations 136 through 139 he said it was relevant to today's like geopolitical situation you guys are typing but i hope this isn't about me no anyway revelations

i looked it up but i can't find it it doesn't seem to exist uh revelations yeah i'm not lagging i don't think revelations 136 to 139 doesn't seem to be a thing unless you guys find it right now so tell me what you think he was telling me he's on a cruise ship is this in the latter day saints bible your dad's not a not a mormon now is he this is something about how the blacks are the devil no it's not uh yeah i don't know what he's talking about i tried to find it i'm supposed to read something associated with it too like the context or the i don't know well the dark one must have led him astray because i've just looked it up and there is no revelations one chapter chapter one verse 36 through 39 because there aren't that many verses in chapter 1 and there also isn't a chapter

yeah chapter 1 verse 36 through 39 and then there also isn't a chapter 136 am I the only one who really wants Woody's dad as a guest plus an actual scientist oh I'll pretend to be a scientist ah damn it he knows so I must have it wrong my father studies the bible i think he said he goes to like four bible studies a week only because there's not five

something like that and uh uh so i probably memorized it incorrectly so if you know what Let me know. One might say he studies it religiously. Yes. All right. Let me do an advertisement here. Tell all the nice people out there about Squarespace because this episode of PGA is sponsored by our friends over at Squarespace. Whether you need a domain website or online store, make your next move with Squarespace. With easy to use tools, you can create a beautiful website. Squarespace is all in one platform. There's nothing to install, patch, or upgrade ever. You can create a beautiful website or online store with an award-winning template.

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Check them out for sure. Definitely. Ben, if you're ever going to make a website, use Squarespace because it's effective, it's easy. You just move the correct widgets around, organize it however you want. It's very affordable, and everybody who

shows up is going to be like, this Ben guy. I didn't know he was such a big deal i didn't know you could afford a website like this and you won't have to tell him that's our secret catch out of the bag i will certainly do that i think i'm uh gonna hop off guys um so anything you got any questions i don't know If you had anything that you didn't get to. I don't think so. I enjoy the sewage water and your 50 state catch all the bacterial infections challenge. But where can everybody find your stuff? Like, pimp your channel and your twitter whatever you I upload everyday on

youtube.com slash ben gravy let me make sure that I have the spelling right and it's ben gravy with two y's just how it sounds so that's my daily vlog channel where I'm searching out the waves in all 50 states.

Uh, my Instagram is at Ben gravy also with two wise and I don't really use Twitter, but at Ben gravy with two wise as well. Yeah. I upload daily and, uh, yeah, working towards the goal. So I appreciate you guys having me on and, um, Just want to say I love New Jersey, even though you guys seem to think it's all trashy. I mean, nobody loves New Jersey. I'm only sharing my personal experiences. No, I'm just messing around.

Yeah, I just got to get it in there, though, to say I love it. Because for some reason, no matter what, even if there was bacteria in the water all summer long i always end up going back there um it's a magic you're building a resistance where do you where do you live by the way st louis uh where is everything north carolina georgia nice are you on the coast in north carolina uh no i'm in Raleigh Oh okay Do you get to surf a lot though Yeah

Not as much as I should I tend to fly instead Yeah Fly like a plane It's just like Basically a parachute With a prop on your back And you run into the sky

Oh those things are sick What is it? It's like motorized paragliding. Wait, this isn't a joke? This is real? Oh, this is real. Yeah, this is definitely real. It's called a paramotor. And yeah, I'm in a hotel room right

now because i'm at a fly-in for them like me and all my friends pair of friends i call them and we just yeah we run into this guy tomorrow i'm doing like a disaster recovery acrobatics course you you haven't been able to fly at all yet you said right and not and not unless you count uh tying a rope to a golf cart and getting drugged up. That's not quite traditional. How much training does that take? You can't just fly that thing, huh? Not much.

Dude, 10 days, you're good. 10 days. That'd be an easier way to make it from state to state quickly. And you get extra videos because you're doing an intense thing on the way to another intense thing there's someone doing it on youtube you're going to be doing it soon but i saw a kid doing it he i mean he's getting a lot of views on it it's cool tucker got you have to be talking about tucker that's exactly who it is he's a friend of mine he's here cool that's sick dude yeah is that the dude that flew to mcdonald's one day yeah it's totally him he made me coffee today

that's awesome alright cool thanks thanks a lot guys yeah for sure man when's it coming out Friday you said Saturday

Saturday yeah Chiz will hit you up when it's up I appreciate it guys take it easy later buddy oh I made it pretty far two hours torn

I gotta edit get it done thanks guys later and that was really funny yeah those things are awesome oh my enthusiasm yeah maybe it's a jersey thing i don't know like like i don't know if this happens everywhere else but when you're from the northeast and then you meet other guys from there it's a jersey thing i don't know like like i don't know if this happens everywhere else but when you're from the northeast and then you meet other guys from there it's like oh yeah a guy who talks a little faster who moves a little bit more who likes cool shit like it you know not afraid of things like like oh my people my people and uh i i just like they were time and

time again i just kept feeling the same thing like He likes paramotors. He likes surfing. He's out there doing shit, going from state to state, collecting different strains of malaria or something. But I liked him. Yeah. We would get along. He's playing like a Pokemon-style game of collecting every kind of parasite,

every kind of, you know, those things that swim up your dickhole. Kyle, I saw you had to walk away almost to get coffee in because that was so fucking funny. That was... It was funnier because that guy in the background... Oh, this is badass! He showed more enthusiasm over paramotoring

than any guest we've ever had where, like, you just mentioned it in passing. And, like, well, any guest we've ever had that isn't into it personally and he's just great i think he mistook it for a rocketeer style jetpack no after you left he established what he meant it was exactly what what he does i Am I the only one who, thanks to Ben Gravey with Two Wise for coming on the show, but am I the only one who is a little more interested in that guy in the background? I don't know what he was doing. That guy didn't get anything. He was fired up.

Every time Taylor would say something funny, he was back there. I wanted him on. He was hitting it back. That guy in the background seemed like he was hitting it back the background seems like he was really enjoying the show he's tuning in again it was funny to me because Ben was like yeah you know is there anything else you wanted to ask me and I'm like oh we covered mounting pirates right did we cover 20 minutes on Somalia? You're just a homeless man.

Fucking hell. You know, you win some, you lose some, right? I liked Ben. Sometimes people just get a little more shy. Liar. Liar. Asshole. I was thinking while he was here that this horrible internet and this flea motel was way better for PKN.

And now that Ben is gone, it's way better again. Does three people max out my internet? It might. Are you at a super rate or are you at a better one now? Super rate. Oh, highfalutin Taylor over there. This is called the vintage inn and uh i i the dude so i get here and i'm like hey i have a reservation i'd like to check in and she's like what and she's indian and i'm like i have a reservation i'd have to check in and she's like i don't understand

i'm like look i know you don't know a lot of english but i have to check in. And she's like, I don't understand. I'm like, look, I know you don't know a lot of English, but I have to assume that's a phrase that you hear. You check people in with reservations, right? And you should know that word. Right. But she didn't get my sort of insulting joke. And so anyway, I start checking in and filling in all these forms. And she asked me something. I don't know what the word was.

It was like, do you have a conversation or something? in and filling in all these forms and she asked me something i don't know what the word was it was like you know do you have a conversation or something and i realize she's asking me if i have a reservation which i had covered at least three or four times already and i said yes i do do i still have to fill out all this freaking paperwork and the answer was yes and eventually she checked me in but i just she needs to know that uh look aren't a lot – I don't expect you to know all of English. But if you're a reservation check-in woman, you should know those two. You definitely should. If that's your position there is to take reservations and talk to people, putting someone who's not bilingual is probably not a good idea, right?

Especially in that area. I don't know. I've never had a bad experience. Maybe she was politely asking, would you like a conversation? No, I just want to go to my room. I'm so sorry. My favorite part of this flea motel is I'll have a paramotor in my room showing through the window and everyone's okay with it.

They're like, oh, do you keep motorcycles and engines and shit in the motel room? That's about right here. So I've got tanks of gas. What's your price per night at the Vintage Inn? $65. Oh my god!

Can we get a panorama of this? They don't charge hourly, do they? I'd be happy to. I will say my room. This is it. The clean part of my room is like this. But I'll show you.

Yeah, let's see. All right. I can easily walk around with the mic and stuff. This is, this is the bed. I have like drywall or scaffolding behind me here. That's what I keep the paramotor on. High quality AC. Yeah.

I've seen a lot of pornos filmed on a set like this. This is my charging station. Jesus. Fire hazard at the old intention. Oh, there we go. OK. It appears. Oh, there we go.

It appears... What does it appear? Alright. Am I back? Yeah, you're back now. We were losing you for a sec. Or maybe you're not back. There's no internet on that side of the room. That's what it appears. Not much on this side. not nearly enough and what is that computer monitor masquerading as a tv doing back there

it just plugged in like a 17 inch monitor and expect you to watch tv on that on some sticky buttoned remote it It's the worst TV in the world. I was going to show you the bathroom and how the toilet barely flushes yet also takes two and a half minutes to flush. The shower hardly turns off. There's full speed and quarter speed.

But the price is right and it's appropriate to keep engines in here, which is really in strong suit. Man, that's one step above your guys survival trip. That's $65 a night. I can't and I would not stay in like if I'm going out of town even if it's for something where I want to bring like the engine there like I want to drop at least enough money to stay at like a Marriott like where it's it's reasonable the towels are clean they have reals i at least don't

have to be reminded by the stains like in the odd crispy spots in the in the blanket that are like the aggressive undertones don't turn on uh like the bulb in that one is kind of wobbly and stuff i think that's the issue. I think that one over there, no bulb. And one thing to keep in mind, outside that door is just the outside. Yes. Last time I did

the podcast from here, I wished I had my gun with me. Like something spooky happened out there. Wait, in the same place? Well, it was at least two doors over. Yeah, like this is room I might even say

I don't know. Let's hypothetically this is room like 400. It would have been room like 404. Okay, but the same place. The same old vintage inn that's very sketchy. You're telling me you're a two-time vintage in

user? It's a three. It might be three. This is my place. Check your punch card. I fold back the comforter, which about stands upright, and cuddle in.

Oh, man. I think I just appreciate stands upright and cuddle in. Oh, man. Yeah. I think I just appreciate the creature comforts a little bit more than some people because you've got a big water stain on the ceiling of your motel. They give you hotel room points for staying there. To be fair,

this three-bedroom home I'm staying in costs only a little bit more than that. It's like $112 a night here. That's like double you spending. But it's a three-bedroom house with a living room and a big kitchen. This is an office. I'm in my own little office.

Yeah, but Kyle, how many steps do you have to take until you could possibly be accosted by a dangerous parking lot vagabond? That's where we draw the line. I'd have to walk for five miles. I'm going to go check. There's a person who hangs out by the ice machine seemingly all day, every day. When I leave in the morning, he's there. When I come back at night, he's there.

Is he a drug dealer? Yes. Hold on. Can you go ask him what he sells? If Woody comes back with a stab wound, I'm gonna... He's not there. But I swear to God, he's there like 20 hours a day.

Like, I don't get it. He's a hard-working man. You gotta just lean out and be like, Hey, I need some ice! I need some ice in my room! I'm a little sniffly and it's cold out. It's going to serve like whatever.

I think ice is actually meth, right? Yeah, probably so. But that's probably his code name for like sex. He's like, yeah, he called me Mr. Freeze. He called me Mr. Freeze. Because I only fuck you once you're already dead. Oh, God. All my cop buddies were talking about like going to a motel and finding. There was a. All my cop buddies were talking about going to a motel and finding...

Alright, so you got a picture. The mattress kind of slides up against the wall. When they open the door to the motel room, there's just an ass sort of sticking up because the top of the person's torso has went over the mattress, between the mattress and the wall. The person's torso has went over the mattress, between the mattress and the wall. The person's dead. But the ass is sticking out of this man who is cross-dressed

and wearing makeup and stuff. And your friend found this? Yes. Haven't sent me pictures. No. That's probably the motel room you're staying in. That's probably the same kind of established i i can't get over how sketchy this place is that you're in this is yeah like wait wait kyle i

can't move past this what how did the heart attack transvestite dot what was hard he was getting oh and he had a heart attack, and the person was like, well, I'm not calling this one in. I've got some baby aspirin in the bathroom, wait! You have to imagine if you're fucking a hairy transvestite with half his torso down between the mattress

and the wall, and suddenly he keels over, you just go on home right you can't call him you can't call this man in stands up and is like ambling towards the door with their heart attack they're about to open it and they look down at what they're wearing and they're like

oh I'll just die no one in this backwards vintage town is gonna understand vintage is just a word that they use to describe shitty things to make like No one in this backwards vintage town is going to understand. Vintage is just a word that they use to describe shitty things to make hipster people be like, oh, it's pretty old. This is pretty old. Vintage would be like a record player from 1912 or something. I was about to say, I've got a vintage record player in there.

I love it. I love my record player. I've been playing it a lot this week. It's all analog. There's no digital shit on this thing. Fucking scratchy, scratchy. Put the needle down and listen to my music. I really like it.

I know it's kind of a hipster douchebag thing to even own, I guess, because I know Chiz has one. That's what I like. I like it a lot. I really do. I hadn't seen one or heard one since I was a kid, and my grandma had one, and so it's cool to plug it up and just the noise those speakers make when you plug it in, that pop-pop

noise, and then you drop the needle on the record, and it's really fucking cool. I dig it. I'm going to order some more vinyl. Pieces of vinyl which is what records are called they really just were called records back no nope they're called pieces of vinyl in my childhood before like cassette tapes uh we listened to records and we called them records well the cool people call them pieces of vinyl well those are hipster douches old people who called them records back when they were like the way you listen to them pieces of vinyl. Well, those are hipster douches. Old people called them records back when they were

the way you listened to music. Pieces of vinyl. I'm pulling rank on 18-year-old vinyl listeners. I only know that because Gary from the Stern show was a big vinyl guy. And Stern mocks him

about it endlessly. Just get fucking digital. Get your fucking iPod. It's called The Billion Songs. And he's going on about like, oh, on this piece of vinyl, you can really hear the guitar solo in the back. It just doesn't translate in digital.

He's a real record player aficionado. His record player is thousands of dollars or something like that. I think this is like a $350 record player I've got or something like that. I think this is like a $350 record player I've got or something like that. Howard's been giving him shit about his music tastes

since like 1991, back when I listened to him. He told him he didn't really like his music. He's like, I listen to it by myself. You're kidding yourself. You don't really like it. He just wouldn't let it go. Howard's a cunt.

I really don't like the show anymore. I really don't. Really? You used to be really into it. It's changed. It's changed a ton. It's a very different show. I don't like so many different things about it. It just seems like they're just making up drama on a daily basis.

It's not even interesting drama. And all the politically correct shit and uh you know he's become more of a a-list celebrity interviewer than a shock jock which is what i like that's why i really prefer um you know anthony kumia's show i don't know what he's doing right now since arty's in rehab yeah i don't know either i haven't watched that show in a very long time and i like watching um uh jim jim and uh andy right sam jim and sam yeah jim and jim and sam show those guys are very funny like like i like that riffy cruel mean spirited sort of uh like spontaneously funny show a lot

more than i than i like howard's segmented planned out like celebrity interview show and then you know they don't even do robin's news well anymore i just don't care for it i feel like you got into ona obviously later because you were all about stern for a long time and so you're still like cool with the jim and sam show and all that kind of stuff is it still jimmy there like since I've listened to so fucking much of it, like the original chemistry they had, or like when it was, you know,

Anthony and Jimmy and Patrice or, you know, Anthony, Jimmy and Colin Quinn, of course, Opie was there for all of it, but Opie just was never a providing factor of the show. He sucked.

Yeah. He would like actively ruin bits by taking it to the phones or whatever the fuck. It was like, Oh, you're just jealous that you're not riffing with them. So you just go take it to the phones. Let's talk to retard in, you know, Kentucky. And sorry, we're picking on Kentucky too much today.

I'm sure there's no problem with that. No, have internet. Yeah, they can't see the show. That's fair. And, like, but Jim and Sam, like, I don't like Sam in his current role at all. In early ONA, I liked Sam because he was like the intern. What's Sam's name? Roberts? Sam Roberts.

Yeah, he used to be like this shitty intern that would poke. Not shitty, like not doing his job, but shitty. He would contribute and poke and make fun and be a rabble rouser kind of guy. And that would often turn into something funny. But now it's like, and Jim fun and be a rabble rouser kind of guy and that would often turn into something funny but now it's like and jim has changed so much like jim uh when the louis ck thing came out like jim didn't do what he should have which is read the whole thing and be like yeah you know we gotta you know this really isn't that ridiculous we're all because jim on opie and anthony has talked about like masturbating in front of people before he's talked about all of his crazy sex exploits and everything and it's

way more outrageous and out there he talks about going and trying to get hookers and then like realizing like oh shit like this could be a cop and speeding off or like oh you know i was he like he explains like hooker terminology like oh you know you ask him if you want one or two cups a cup is coming so like you you never get two cups don't ever pay for two cups you'll only get one like just these little tips like only a sexual deviant four-handed massage yeah and then that's what is that that's two chicks yeah okay and then uh like when that louis ck stuff came out like he was like did the same thing he does every time now because he's gotten way more reserved in pc or he's just like oh i don't know man like that's that's rough i'm not 100 sure what to think about this you know you got to consider all sides it's like oh this isn't the jimmy we're looking for like i want you

to be ridiculous out there even if you're going to say something that you don't 100 believe in your heart of hearts understand that people know this is a comedy show so just push it to the limit what would you have had them say should he should he have insulted how louis ck was vanilla and boring he he could have gone that route and said like you know honestly i've done way more fucked up shit than this and then parlay it into a conversation about one of his exploits that that actually is funny but i don't know like it's just it's changed so much from the show that it used to be like if you go back and watch any of the old clips with Patrice O'Neill or Colin Quinn old Louie is

fucking hilarious on there it just used to be like the best funniest show I went through like a huge phase like for years where anytime like I didn't have something to listen to I would just pop on ONA. Like, old, old shit.

And it's hysterical. Louis C.K. will be back in 2018. Yeah, he will. Maybe 2019. I hope he makes a masturbation joke immediately. I hope that he just owns it and starts joking about it.

I'm tired of being jerked around. Have you guys seen either of the new Chappelle specials? I only saw episode one. Ah, I thought it was very good. Very, very good. Excellent, I thought. Really good stuff. Yeah, Chiz liked it a lot too.

I'm having a hard time remembering any of the jokes. There was one point when some lady in the crowd was like, let me hit your vape, because he's got a marijuana vaporizer thing he's puffing on. It looks like a USB. It's a little plastic electronic cigarette thing. And he's like, let you hit my vape. Nah, I done went this long without getting herpes.

We're not stopping now. I'm not saying you've got herpes we're not stopping now i'm not saying you've got herpes but one in five motherfuckers do so it was it was very funny though um there's the kicker in the pussy joe he goes on and on and on he's like you know i'm thinking about retiring i'm just so fucking good at this just so fucking good he's like i just picked punch lines out of a basket i got at home and then i write the joke backwards to fit the punch line one of the punch lines i pulled out the other day was and then i kicked her in the pussy and then of course he like kind of transitions on and he tells you a joke that ends with then i kicked her in the pussy and it's it's hilarious you know the

whole thing was very good i liked it a lot he talked a bit a bit about trump uh he talked a lot about transgenders. Very funny stuff. Something else. I don't know. Good stuff, though. Chia said the second special wasn't as good as the first because he released two. He did another. Which one was more intimate and maybe in New York? Probably the second one. I haven't seen the second one. People online like that one more in my exposure. Yeah uh the first one was good though i liked it a lot um he talked about his uh i didn't know he was one quarter white

uh you know his mother's half black or half white yeah half white half black and uh he was joking around about his hair he's like you know if i let this shit grow out it's beautiful but uh yeah he's he's very talented his shit is always good it seems like he could just crank those things out i mean what he did four specials in like a year and a half or something what like 10 years of hanging out it's topical shit though yeah i mean that's i haven't seen him yet but i believe you it's trump and transgenders and you know it's uh it's good stuff i don't know i i like chapelle a lot and of course i've got so much nostalgia for him uh from the

because the the chapelle show was like hot and new when i was like a senior in high school and so when we went to like senior trip down in panama we had those dvds and we were watching them like back to back to back and man that shit was so fucking hilarious all that rick james stuff all of the uh the the r kelly shit kitty had never the print stories um kitty had never seen the uh the r kelly like song parodies uh um you know i wanna piss on you drip drip drip he does such good impressions you know he looks a good bit like r kelly and he can sing a little bit enough to like do an r kelly impression i i really like chapelle i remember there was a follow-up r kelly got mad at him and he's like how could you do that he's like so i was

like how could you do that yeah you're the one that pissed on the 14-year-old girl and videoed it, bro. You're mad because I parried it? Like, come on. And then, of course, he did the remix. You know. He did two songs about pissing on people. Oh, that's great. Fucking hilarious.

So, yeah, check those out on Netflix. Has anyone seen Bright yet? No. I watched part of it, and I had to go do something, so I never jumped back in. I mean, we got, like those out on Netflix. Has anyone seen Bright yet? I watched part of it and I had to go do something so I never jumped back in. I mean, we got like 25 minutes in. I don't know. It didn't pull me in.

They've already signed up for a sequel, so that's happening. And you think it was worthy of a sequel? I haven't seen it yet either. I haven't been watching Netflix. I've been playing so much fucking pub g uh trying to get better yeah oh it's i i love it we were playing um playing last night i've been getting chis on with me and uh i i integrate chis in with my like pub g crew

of guys and they take the game very seriously she's not not so much. Sometimes everybody will get downed and Chiz will just be like, Chiz, come get us! And you'll just hear and Chiz has gotten a car and he's leaving! He's leaving! He's the opposite of that in zombies. Nazi zombies. You're describing

There's no cars in Nazi zombies. He can't he's just stuck there in that house with you. No, he'll go across the map and pick you up. Taylor, on the other hand, would be like, Ash, short on time. Wish I could. Oh, wish I could. I'll just have to kill all the zombies.

So what happened was there was a drop way out in the water, and my buddy Middy, he hops in the boat. He's heading for the drop, gets it or whatever, comes back. The boat bumps Chiz just a little bit so Chiz shoots Midi in the face with a 12-gauge shotgun and just just knocks him down you know drops him so I revived Midi up so then later on Midi does the same to Chiz he shoots Chiz and then Chiz goes down and Midi just executes him and takes him out of the game.

So I'm like, ugh, this isn't going well. So then the next game, you know, we play bunches of games. We play for hours. Chiz is driving the buggy, and I'm on the back. And we're hauling ass through the map. And I'm like, oh, yeah, there's Middy. There's Middy. We're going to see Middy.

Wait, wait, why are you going so fast? Why are you going so fast? Wham! He just runs Middy the fuck over. Crushes Middy. Wait, wait. Why are you going so fast? He just runs Middy the fuck over. Crushes Middy. Middy's out there crawling. The other guy's running to go possibly pick Middy up and Chiz goes

slides. I'm like, is he going to kill? Yep. He's going to run him over again. And he kills him, takes him out of the game. So now Middy is just infuriated. But just being funny more, right? Nobody's laughing.

I'm laughing my ass off. I'm laughing so hysterically, like harder than I had laughed in weeks and weeks. Just tears are pouring down my... Because I'm at no my... because I'm at no fault here. I'm on the passenger seat of this buggy watching it all go down. I'm just playing the game and these two are having some sort of battle between

the two and Middy loses it. He's like, fuck you. Fuck you you badass. You fucking smoke another cigarette you piece of shit. You piece of shit. And she's just like, you're taking it! You piece of shit! And Chiz is just like, you're taking it a little bit seriously, aren't you, buddy?

You get a little mad. You get a little mad. And just trolling him harder and harder. That ends with apologies. I'm like, this is not... Apologies? Were there apologies back and forth, or just one way? Apologies.

Chiz is like.... He just typed, not on my side, I did no wrong. As a neutral observer, as a neutral observer, it seems like you're both at fault. I thought they were both at fault. For sure. Occasionally,

I'll give you a little cheeky pistol shot in the butt or something if you're really far across the map that you can, you know, heal right up. But I don't take people out of the game. No, you would never walk into a bedroom upstairs on my first game as I'd pick up my first armor and go, oh, bang! And down me right there because you're like, oh, sorry, Taylor, you startled me. Oh, did you lose all your armor and gun you found? Like, let me revive you. And, yeah, just pick that police vest up again yeah it's got no armor but it's better that you're basically naked now because i just blew your fucking chest off i get

startled i get startled like like i'm i am so on edge when i'm playing i was playing everything will be going well and then and then something will me, and I scream and jump, and you startled me. For my credit, I hit you. I can watch any amount of jump scare movie things and surprising stuff in film or whatever. It doesn't bother me or make me jump or any of that. that if I walk around the corner of, like, a building or, like, a corner in a hallway or something or out of an office or something, and there's someone close, like, right by that corner that I, like, could bump into, like, that, like, I'll be like, I jump at that. And it's, like, the most embarrassing reflex of anything I have, and I don't know why.

Because I'll, like, walk out, and there'll be some 5'2 woman walking, and she'll be just close enough that I could bump into her, and I'll be like, oh, Jesus. I just have to keep walking. Do you ever do that? Yeah, I get startled. Oh, yeah.

Like, oh, I just got halfway through a sneeze. I'm not a pussy. No, I get startled very easily. Kitty scares me often. I'll be in the kitchen late at night, like in the fridge, and I'll just kind of look up, and she'll just be standing there staring at me, and I'll just be like, fuck, I'm going to put a goddamn bell on you. Fuck. Oh, fuck.

My heart's just racing. I used to do something like that to my younger brother. I was maybe like seven. he was six or whatever and like we've been reading this book because my mom made us read and that it made me really kind of grow to like reading because like during every day she'd be like all right time to read and i'd be like oh cool like i don't really mind this did the exact opposite to my brother he hasn't read a book since that he fucking hates it he's like i'm not doing it if it's a punishment. I'm not going to read. But we had to read.

We read this Christian-y horror book for a seven-year-old. It was pretty scary. I was probably nine, and he was old enough that it could be a little scary. And there was this creepy picture in the book of this hangman guy. He was a dead ghost. It was way too scary for children, frankly. And he was standing a dead ghost it was way too scary for children frankly and like he was like he's like standing there all dead like it was his neck cracked like in the hallway of a school or whatever and like have his like hand out like that at you like gesturing in a very spooky

way and it scared my younger brother so much that for like i don't even know how long probably like a solid six months like i would like run upstairs before him and like turn off all the lights and and make sure it's pitch black and like hide her and like sneak around and he'd be like taylor turn it back on turn the lights back on stop it stop it and i'd like get close enough to like like stand by the lights enough that like he'd go over to turn it on and he'd see me like out of the corner like i'm in torture and he'd freak out run upstairs uh i used to do it too on uh on car trips once he fell asleep on a road trip and it was like on the way back from some family vacation so it was super super late we're in the back of

that minivan and like he'd passed out like facing me and so i like went like that with him and i like i like flicked him on the nose like that he was like flicked him again he wakes up my dad like swerves a little bit cause he's like DENAR! DON'T SCARE YOUR BROTHER! Dad you know I'm gonna keep doing it like no shenanigans would not fly in my house no I would have caught a stiletto to the eye socket even in my house

with me as your parent that wouldn't fly no fun to be had that's why your children are better behaved than me we told Hope this is Woody I'd say look you are going to have times in your life when

you're in a position of power and it is your job to protect people smaller than you not to pick on them that lesson fell on deaf ears and tailors i was not given that lesson i knew it was have fun with your brother just don't hurt anyone too bad one of my uh we both uh did you ever play i mean i know you have a brother woody kyle i know you don't but i'm sure you may have had a friend that you played chicken with on bikes did you guys ever do that yeah like where you ride at each other and the person who turns away loses so it was me and my younger brother and it was like the bottom of our neighborhood cul-de-sacs there's a bunch of a bunch of space like this was they didn't have a center thing so it was just like there's an enormous cul-de-sac it was like 100 yards like

giant circle and so we'd go down there and i was maybe you know 11 a large 11 year old and he was maybe nine and a half you know about to turn 10 or so and much smaller for his age and so like if you see pictures of like me and him at that age you're like ah so you have one 14 year old and a seven year old a year and a half two years apart like very close and so we'd go down there but we we, you know, to this day, like we're still best friends. And so we do all our shit together. And so we like did the chicken thing a couple of times until somehow it got competitive somehow

to where I was like, I'm serious. I'm not going to fucking, I'm not going to fucking turn this time. I'm not doing it. And he's like, all right, that's fine, Taylor, because I'm not going to turn either. And I'm like, all right, well, then we're both going to run into each other full speed on our bikes that we both just got for Christmas. And he's like, all right. And so we start doing it.

And at first, I'm like, dude, there's no way. I'm like a Volkswagen fucking bus. Those big Volkswagen buses to his VW Beetle like coming in in the size difference and I was going hard I was going fast and so and like I got to like you know 50 feet away not fucking turning 40 feet I'm not turning

15 feet I might want to turn and I was like no I can't and we get to maybe like 5 feet away and instead of and we both start turn, but we both turn in the same direction. And so we slam into each other. Our bikes are just mangled. I'm like, my leg's cut from the chain on his bike.

And he's like, frankly, a cut's not his biggest thing. Because I was an NHL player body checking him off of his bike and he's skidding across the ground a little bit and he got all cut up and i and i was down there a little cut up as well not nearly as bad and our bikes thank god we're fine we would have gotten trouble for that and we both kind of like stood up a little like shaken like oh oh we should have worn helmets for this he's like yeah we really should have and he's like all right do you want to do it again he's like no no i need i need to go home and so we had to walk like a quarter mile like uphill with our bikes in our hands because we were so wounded from this

and i like was having to give like obviously the big brother pep talk to him because anybody who looked at the two of us was like the big kid won the fight. I was like alright you're gonna go in there we're gonna say we both we both fell right? So you're gonna say he's like yeah we both felt like yeah that's right we both fell and put our bikes away and went. We didn't even get in trouble for it. It was just like, you know, be careful out there kind of talk. That's great.

Oh, that's fun. One of my less sensitive friends sent me this image. And it's that Japanese man that Logan Paul took the picture with hung. And it says, steal this look. And it's got a double-breasted peacoat, $1,000. Brixton Stevens twill jeans, $158. Mammoth super safe rope, $306. That's a lot for a rope.

Well, I mean, put it on your credit card, right? Yeah, I could take it. I think a great friend sent that to you, not an insensitive one. Well. Well. Well. Pat yourself on the back, why don't you? Oh, man. That was so fucking funny.

Would you? Yeah, I was thinking, like, I wish I had access to Jeremy out here. Because, like, it would be really funny to start the show with him, like, hung behind me. Like, just have him dangling. It'd be worth $100 just to have him dangling behind me with blue hands. The whole show. And we never address it. No, no. Don't mention it a bit.

And Ben Gravey would have just been like... I think there's a dead guy there. There's a dead guy behind the one fellow. I don't know. I don't know what they do. a dead guy behind the one fellow. I don't know. I don't know what they do. They just ask me to come on. I don't know. I think the one guy surfs. Fuck, I don't know.

They just said, I'll give you $100 to paint your hands blue and hang here for four hours. I wonder what, like... I saw the only use me blade clip. Oh! For people who don't know know we talked about both these incidents sort of as a pair on Painkiller Nearly

and I had a real hard time assigning Blaine because I want to say Blade was the aggressor and I need a better the initiator would be a better way because aggressor sounds like

you know like she was mostly receptive to it. A little bit of, you know, oh, my husband won't like this. Yeah, yeah. But there was no, like, get your hand off my boob. That never happened. Nope. Right? She sucked on his thumb.

I'm no, like, wonder man at wonder man at reading signs, but if a woman sucks on your thumb, she's kind of hitting it back. Right?

It's been hit back, and now she's waiting for you to push it. I mean, she was a big girl. Maybe he had some barbecue sauce on there. They were a pair. They were a match. Giving her the old salty thumb. Yeah. Now, I do think

Blade was, like I said, he was the initiator. She was just hitting it back a little bit. Certainly not any kind of like... She wasn't resisting in the slightest. She was just accepting his advances. But he did know she was married she was saying stuff like you know uh my husband will be so mad or maybe not i am really drunk like oh yeah sure i'll brush this off uh

see that was her little phrase for to gain plausible deniability where she wants to do this but she's saying oh my husband my husband, he'll be so mad. And so now if he continues to press, he's the bad guy more than her. When really it should be in her head, would my husband be mad with this? Okay, well then I'm going to stand up and walk away. Because that's totally within

the confines of reality. You could have just done that. So it's like a little subtle, passive way. It's like a passive way to throw your own agency out the window. Be like, oh, you know, I don't want that. Oh, he would be upset. Oh, we're going to do it anyway? Okay.

Like, that's no joke. That exists forever. You know, like, if that was in my world, like, I'd never trust her again. Like, always. Always. Forever. 15 years later, I would be like, you know what? She gets out of my sight, she starts sucking on thumbs. I think you're totally right.

Yeah, I agree. You're totally right. I wouldn't be able to trust him again. Yeah, absolutely. She said like the baby back bitch she is. I just imagine, like, look, my thumb probably doesn't taste good right now.

I bet if I licked it, I would be like, you just lick your thumb? How's it taste? Salty. Salty, right? Yeah, you haven't washed your hands lately. Mine does not taste salty. I'm not licking mine. I don't want to get sick. I went to the grocery store. I got delivery food.

This is how I build up my cholera resistance. Be like Ben and just lick as many germs as you can and get very sick. No. I used to get sick three or four times a year and like the the last couple years i've taken a much different approach to washing my hands constantly and using lots of hand sanitizer and never touching my own face i don't touch my face and i try to keep my hands out of my mouth although i did like bite my nail about 10 minutes ago so that's that's probably not good but but yeah i i that's

cut down on a lot of the illness i think washing my hands and not not putting them on my face a lot i don't want to get sick but what i'm getting at is like i wouldn't be confident that my thumb tastes good enough to stick it in a girl's mouth you know what i mean that was the year's eve right let's not pretend that that was prime blade thumb. That was not prime blade thumb. You smart mouth, and you can be confident in your breath, but if you haven't just washed your hands...

There's no smart thumb. There's no smart thumb. You know what? I watched a Gone Wild gif today on Reddit, and the girl's in an airplane bathroom, and she sticks her finger in her asshole. And all I could think was, she's not going to wash that hand. You don't think she's right there in the bathroom?

I don't think so. She stuck her whole finger in her asshole, and I guarantee she was like, all right, that's going to be a lot of karma. And then just went about her day. There is a genre of porn where people stick their fingers in butts and then talk about how good they taste. And for me, it's like, you know what? Whoa, whoa, what? I think of myself as pretty hardcore,

but you're taking me out of the moment. This is too much for me. See, there's different stuff. Because in the porno, no, he's not making that up. But see, in porn, here's the much for me. See, there's different stuff. Because in the porno, they've... No, he's not making that up. But see, in porn, here's the difference to me. Here's where I see a big, like, separation. That's plain butthole.

That's airplane bathroom butthole, okay? She hasn't had time to prepare that butthole. That's the New Year's Eve thumb of buttholes. That is the New Year's Eve thumb of buttholes. Like, that is not a prepped butthole. She didn't just get out of the shower after like using an enema she did she wasn't on an all broth diet for the last 36 hours to incent to to ensure premium butthole cleanliness no like that was airplane butthole she just like got up early maybe maybe like had like a hot dog and some fries and one of those shitty overpriced airplane restaurants

and now she's boarding a plane with airplane butthole and she's like, oh, let me go in the bathroom real quick and get some karma. Fingering her asshole and then going about her day. There was some bacteria. There was some poop on that finger. I always wondered

when ladies do that and they've got those crazy nails, how they do it. How've got those crazy nails how they do it how they get those crazy nails up their orifices are you suggesting that porn butthole is clean oh it's crystal clean we're talking about inside

the butthole deep not too deep as deep as you can get. Gotta be at least hard. Yeah, they do lots of things to ensure there's supplements

that you can take. There's all kinds of, yeah, absolutely. I have to believe that Kyle's living in some sort of voluntary bliss world. The inside of your butthole is never good enough. It's never good enough. I agree that it's never as clean

as it should be because it's an asshole and even if like, Kyle, if I, on my countertop, it's like, if I throw a big pile of shit on the granite and I smear it around and then I clean it up and then I'm like, let's eat our steak just right off the countertop.

Would you be okay with that? If it meant that I got to have sex with a hot girl? No, you can't have sex with me. No, I'm not suggesting my standards are that, like, I just deny it. Temporary deniability, that's what I'm not suggesting my standards are that... I just deny it. Temporary deniability. That's what I'm saying. All right. But I don't feel like it's also...

I don't feel like it's as dirty as Woody is painting the picture, too. Because it's not like you stick a finger in some girl's ass and it comes out like, oh, my God, there's poop. It's like, no. Like, not really. But, you know...'s there's gonna be no poop there's gonna be no poop residue there's gonna be no smell there's gonna be no taste it's if you've intimate properly and you've controlled your diet beforehand you didn't have

like chicken tikka masala the night before and a whole bunch of non-bread that like then then we're golden here there's gonna be to be no particulate, no residue, no smell, no nothing. Otherwise, I'm not doing anything with that thing anyway. But once you're down there, you're all a little committed. No, absolutely not. No, you're not committed. You can back out at any time. You can, but it's a little rude. Kyle, are you telling me if oh it is rude if you're let's say you're you're with the girl you're making your move you know kissing down or whatever

you do getting ready to go to town down there and it's just it the the smell it's a little pungent it's a little pungent you're not caring for it as much do you move in a in a you know tangential direction to a different maneuver or do you you know do it for a couple minutes to make it seem like i'm out i'm out and and it doesn't matter oh it's what i say no i mean what do they say when you're like it's clear that you're not gonna go down on them or do whatever lick their ass or whatever you're talking about. There was a girl whose vagina was a little bit gruely, I guess. There was some white, like, cummy, you know, like, gruely stuff going on. And I was like, oh, go shower.

Go wash. You got to go wash that pussy if I'm going to do anything with that. You got to clean that thing up. What do you mean gruel? Isn't gruel just the word for when a woman self-lubricates? Yeah, but it was gross. I didn't care for it.

What she had going on down there, I made her go take a shower. So you made her go take a shower because she was lubricating. She didn't have to wash her hair, Taylor. She wouldn't wash her pussy. It was just like she just jumps in there and whatever they do with one of those loofah things.

Whatever they do. You know, just clean that up a little bit. Like, I just, what kind of gentleman are you? Like, you're gonna get back there and you're gonna notice a bunch of, like, toilet paper stuck to the rim of her asshole, all brown and like, oh, I guess I'm a gentleman.

Okay, well, not that far, but I'm not going to go, ugh, a little tool turned on, you whore? Hop in the shower. Get that lubrication off your vagina. Replace that with the wonderful lube that is water. We've all had shower sex.

Whoa, yay! I have a whole tankard of wet platinum over here, okay? I got shower sex. Whoa, yay. I have a whole tankard of wet platinum over here, okay? I got the pump. Lubrication will not be an issue. Dude, if you're using wet platinum in a shower, you're asking for a fucking... Not in the shower. You're asking for a fucking broken neck.

I know. It lubes the floor. Yeah. It lubes the floor, and you might think that the water will rinse the floor clean. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. It creates a level of viscosity only found

in NASA space shuttle parts. And Formula One racing engines. And you don't have to dump a bunch of this stuff in there to get the slippery porcelain

feel on the bottom of your shower or even slate or tile will be bad enough that you'll slip on it. The amount that it takes to cover your dick in lube is enough for you to eat shit. Which is why you need to be careful and wipe off.

Wipe off before you hop in the shower. Yeah, not enough to literally eat shit. I like that. Nothing's enough for you to literally... Not again! Never again. I got hoodwings with the old rusty tongue when I was younger. Tastes like pennies!

Just keep going. It tastes like the bad part of a pecan. Like the end of a battery. I don't know about that. Woody's looked enough asshole to know that's an urban legend. Yeah. I'm just saying, look, hygiene's important

and if she tells me that I need to go freshen up, then shame on me and I'll go do so. And if she hasn't reached the pinnacle of cleanliness, then she's going to get a little reminder from me as well. Okay? What is the least

amount of, we'll say hygiene malfeasance that would be allowed under your bedroom rule? She's not allowed to self-lubricate, apparently. Lube is supplied here at the

Kyle home. If there's any stuff in there... Yeah, yeah. It's all white and... Cream in there. I don't need any of that. I'm not going down on that. You're going to have to clean all that up. Well, then you just enjoy

your milkshake, motherfucker. Enjoy that cottage cheese. Enjoy that cottage cheese pussy. You will. Low standard tender deviant motherfucker. It's going to be all over your beard. You're going to be picking it out in the

bathroom afterwards like, oh, god damn, that is going to smell tomorrow. I'm going to smell like a tzatziki fish market in Japan. Like where they're hurling those fish. It's gonna smell like someone makes shark fin soup in your beard. I'm sorry, I want no part of that. That is a real thing. The smell sticks to the beard, which isn't ideal. Taylor, I'm sorry.

I need to know. If a girl is less attractive than you, but you think she's DTF, is she in? Yeah. So she doesn't have to be you or better. I mean,

it's a spectrum. So it's like if she is way, way uglier. Kyle, we see. You're great looking. You're easily the best looking of the three.

It's hard to find them up to my level, you know? No, but if they're a little less attractive, and I'm also not a good gauge of male attractiveness because I'm straight, and so I don't really know how attractive I am. I think of myself as very average. No, no. You're a good looking guy.

It also depends what the woman is looking for. Big head, which is a turn on for me. A big head. Women love it. No, you're – no, I feel like Taylor is a solid seven, solid 7.5. Just right in there, real good. And if he's dressed nicely, I feel like Taylor is an 8.

Like a nice prison jumpsuit with the arms ripped off? If that's your thing, maybe. I was thinking more like... That outfit was a goldmine. I was thinking more like some sort of blazer and some sort of buttoned-up shirt, not tucked in, some gray slacks or something.

You don't worry that you're hiding his best attributes? Oh, no, they're going to show right through. I do dress nice. You get a fitted shirt. The blazer, it's a casual blazer, so it's kind of cut out to here, so you can see his chest. Arms are ripped off? No. Okay. Arms ripped off a blazer?

What is this? Arms ripped off makes every other better. You're a wrestler? Big T here coming to you. You just let The Rock know that I'm coming. Wrestlemania 24. It's going down. I'm executive. WrestleMania 24. It's going down. I'm executive.

You can boost yourself at least two points with dressing really nice. Literally the only time I wear shirts that aren't fitted are doing the podcast right now. Shit like this. That's just the cheap, more boxy, not as attractive shirts.

I really like wintertime because i can i can break out the winter wardrobe i've got a lot of these uh these sweaters like this with the i like to pop the collar on them look real nice i got i got a couple couple scarves i wear my scarves i don't have my scarf handy i get my scarf wrapped around there get my get my leather jacket on layer things up real nicely get a nice graphic t underneath i've got got iron man under here now forego that yeah you do you do you you know anti-superhero you can't go by him you know what i have been dressing better for pka for months now people notice i rock a nice hollister sometimes or i'll layer up and have like a classy flannel, not a big thick red

black one, but we're that. But the day we talk about fashion is the day I'm in like pair of junky clothes. Pair of here? Yeah. I usually dress like I'm gonna go to bed right after because usually the mood is I'm going to bed

right after. So I got pajama pants, sleeping shirt, sleeping shirt. So yeah, to answer the question we got off on, yeah, it's spectrum. If they're like way, way less attractive than me, then the only reason that I met up with them, like then the only reason I met up with them

was because like their pictures were probably misleading. And I think that that's a form of lying i've said that before if i showed up to like with the pictures i currently have of myself but i weighed 150 pounds more like she would totally be within her right to just when she sees me be like all right stand up and leave like i'm leaving like no not even gonna say hi to you you're a liar you clearly have no problem misrepresenting yourself and you thought that i was just gonna fall for this like no uh but most people aren't that bad most people when they take their misleading photos you can kind of be like okay they're probably like 15 pounds heavier than what they're leading on but that they're still you know

pretty or whatever i would really like to just call them on that like you know what you did you know what you did you don't look like that in your profile or maybe it's possible that their self-image is their best angle of themselves yeah that's how a lot of people are because like even when you look at yourself in the mirror like you're doing little like micro facial movements and like stuff that makes you look better posture improvements whereas like yeah like when i'm like working on my computer or something like the way i look is not the way i look at myself in the mirror when like you look and you're like oh you look like droopy and sloppy okay let's perk up a little bit let's raise the eyebrows let's you know tighten the face so you never really get a good feel for how ugly you truly are i think i think I think most men are genuinely pretty ugly.

Most men are. You just sound hetero. That was a point I saw on the internet. It was like a 4chan post or some joke. Where it was some guy being like, why are there so many couples where the girl is better looking than the guy? It's every couple I see. She's really attractive and he's some average slob or something and so and i was like when i read that

i'm like yeah that kind of makes sense to me like i think that same way and then he's like it's because you're attracted to the women jackass and i was like oh yeah yeah that was a pretty retarded thing to believe i don't know it's really Physically, I think men are much uglier. Kyle came back full metrosexual. Yeah, I got my scar. Oh yeah, you're going to give us a nice blue titanium or whatever it is.

A little tag there. Blue steel. Ah. Sun in your eyes? Yeah. Kyle would have liked the man in those couples yeah absolutely I like my scarf it keeps me warm

yeah you know when I come down visit ya and we're going to hit up bars looking for ladies yeah I'll rock this I'll introduce you as my gay friend yeah slide me under the radar he's the guy in the scarf.

And they'll be like, which one? Oh! Which one? Why does he look like the sun is in his eyes? He just broods. Looking for a hot guy to go home with. He's a top, obviously. A twink.

Hold on to the topic. Did you see game of thrones is coming out in 2019 like they announced it's official i predict when is like sweeps or whatever that is may june it's gonna be then it's gonna be spring of 2019 that's so far from now that's a year and a half for a year and a quarter from now yeah yeah in a year and a half a year and a quarter from now yeah a year and a half because it was like May or something last time it's like two years from when it came out last time that's a long time

that's a foolish amount of time to make people wait before the final season of a show yeah it's big enough that you won't lose a ton of people, but you will piss enough people off that they won't watch it. They'll not

be as into it or not want to stream it or not want to keep HBO to keep going back. I'll obviously watch it and be excited about it, but it should have been 2018. It's just too long. Two years? Yeah. They make entire movies quicker than that.

This is going to be like six movies, right? No, that's true. Are they really way longer? Because this last season there was that horse shit where it's like, oh, it's only six episodes or whatever, but every one is like a full-length feature film, and then you watch some of the episodes, and it's like, you look at the time stamp,

and it's like 52 minutes, 59 minutes, it's like 52 minutes 59 minutes an hour and 15 minutes an hour and nine minutes an hour and 26 minutes like none of these these are all the length of a short children's film none of these are real movies even if they're 45 minutes that's like four and a half hours or something like that of footage and you know it look it'll come out when it comes out i i don't care either way i i know the fact that the um the lord of the rings tv show is in production has me hyped enough like i'm more excited about that now than i am for the finale of game of thrones if anything i i really hope they get ian mckellen uh to come in as gandalf i hope they get um what's his name agent smith to come in and be Elrond again.

That would be fucking sick. I don't think you're going to get Cate Blanchett. That would be cool. If they get those characters who could be at any stage of that universe, the multi-thousand year old Hugo Weaving. I really like Hugo

Weaving. Which one's he? Agent Smith? Yeah, he's Agent Smith, and he was V in V for Vendetta. I like that guy a lot. He's a great actor. And, of course, you know, Elrond in the Lord of the Rings movies. The Lord of the Rings TV show? I think there's a

two-thirds chance it sucks. And to that, I would say, point me to the great Amazon Prime TV shows. Yeah. I think it's at least that high a percentage that it sucks. I don't know. They've invested a lot of money in it.

I like the world so much that I'll give it the benefit of the doubt. I don't know who's the show maker. And that's what counts, right? The people who are making the show. Amazon producing it you know they're funding it but who's actually making it i think that's what's important and you said they invested a lot of money in it i'm sorry if i missed it because i lagged but a lot of that had to do with just buying the rights to make it yes absolutely um i didn't say it but i'm agreeing with you yes it absolutely did i'm just saying they're heavily invested in this thing like man it would be ridiculous if they fucked up because

if they fuck up people if you make a bad showing of this if it's if it's i don't know if it's like some wb kind of bullshit it's gonna turn people off so much they're gonna be so angry you can't make a... The original trilogy is held in such high esteem. Those three movies were winning like eight Oscars, nine Oscars, ten Oscars each, and shit like that. You can't fuck that up. I mean...

You can. I mean, you can, but you better not. If it's like, oh, $100 million to buy the rights, and then I hear they're dumping $105 million into this, I'm going to be like, yeah, but that's 5 million. Yeah, they better have a Game of

Thrones-style budget per episode to make this thing right, and I hope that they don't do that bullshit where they've got these six episode seasons. I'm really turned off by that with Game of Thrones. It seems almost like the actors are like,

hey, we want out. Let's pull the plug. Jon Snow's wanting to make a movie. The Khaleesi, she's got a spinoff she's wanting to do. Karl Drogo's never coming back. He's a super friend now. I don't know what's going on over there.

I don't know why. It's six seasons. Six episodes that we're waiting on here for two years. I don't know what's going on over there. I don't know why. It's six seasons. Six episodes that we're waiting on here for two years. Do you guys watch Black Mirror? No, but Kenny was watching it the other night and I peeked in and I saw that it was a robot dog chasing

a woman and I was fascinated. It looked very cool. That episode is actually the worst one of the season. But on a scale of 1 to 10, I'll 6 it. It wasn't awful to me. I thought it was awful. But give me your impressions, Woody. I've seen

most of the season. There was one episode that I missed. I don't remember the name. Yeah. It's like this might have been the weakest Black Mirror season. And, uh, by the way, we'll avoid spoilers. And, uh, I still think it's like a seven, you know? And there were episodes that I would have nined.

Like, I really like Black Mirror. Yeah, it's entertaining. Most of the time, there are some episodes that are just stupid. And where you can clearly tell it's like they're like all right we need six episodes oh what if like uh someone got trapped in a cell phone oh what if it turns out that what we were doing the whole time wasn't even a thing you know it's like what like no what if they were simulations for the whole time it's like that's happened in every season so far this is is not a spoiler to say this, but there was an episode

in a previous year where your popularity on Facebook-ish really mattered. So I won a five-star tailor all the time and that's helping him in his whole life. And then there was an episode this year again, not a spoiler, you'll see this in the first

minute of it, where you have to wear an up-down. Oh no, shit shit i'm mixing up with the orville there's an orville episode where there's popularity i messed it up they still okay but i will say that i think some of the black mirror themes were just variations on shows they did in previous seasons and uh a lot of it is like they will start with a premise that's supposed to be really deep and then all it will ever boil down to is like a really good evil black white kind of like the good guy wins in the end by outsmarting the evil scientist slash researcher slash whoever like it's just...

They try and build all these deep premises and everything, but in the end, so much of the time, it's like, oh, so none of that that we even watched even mattered. It was all a dream or all a simulation or all in a computer chip or out

in space. I'm trying to intentionally vagarize this. I disagree, though, because I watch Black Mirror and I think, oh, sometimes the good guy doesn't win in this show. Sometimes you just finish and it's kind of sad. Really? Yeah, and I like that

it makes me feel bad. There was one where the black guy worked really hard and bought credits to get on American Idol or something. That was a couple seasons ago, yeah. Yeah, but no one ends up happy in that. No. That was an interesting one, and that was one of their best episodes.

I liked that a lot. This season, I agree with you, is totally the weakest. But still better than most shows, I think. Yeah. Yeah, in a way. It gets a little silly just with how far-fetched it like i don't know that dog episode kyle was talking about that was so bad like i got 40 minutes into that before i was like i i don't know why i'm still watching this nothing has happened

nothing has been explained it's just i'm supposed to infer things about this world and then the episode ends and it's like wait you were just hoping that supposed to infer things about this world and then the episode ends and it's like wait you were just hoping that i would infer something deep and insightful about this world and then you could be like yeah that's what i meant totally you didn't know what it meant you got the reveal at the very end though right oh yeah yeah i got the reveal at the end it's pretty straightforward i i uh but like you said i don't know how that world got in that state and they never really laid it out for you yeah and uh but that is backstory i don't have any thought process to build on because the entire time you're like what situation is this that this person's in

and if it's like a murder mystery where it's happening in the real world i can use clues and things to piece it together but if it's some you know apocalyptic kind of future then i can only go by what is explained to me i miss the twilight zone yeah twilight zone beats the fuck out of black mirror not even close not even close it's been so long since i've seen it but i will say black mirror drew me in enough that i actually binge watched the whole thing in one night i fucking love the twilight zone um my favorite episode I've got a couple favorites but one of the ones that made me cry is the one where

this old man goes hunting and I've talked about this before but the old man goes hunting and he's raccoon hunting and his dog jumps in the water to chase a raccoon and he's like don't jump in there he'll drown you boy and I guess they're like fighting in the water and he jumps in the water to chase a raccoon and uh he's like don't jump in there he'll drown you boy

and i guess they're like fighting in the water and he jumps in the water after it and then he wakes up the next day on the on the the bank of the creek and he's like oh man i i can't believe we made it out of that one boy and they're walking along and uh yeah it's called the hunt if anyone wants to watch it and they come along and this guy's like, he's standing there by this gate. And he's like, hey, sir, come on in. He's like, you died last night, didn't you know? When you jumped in the river? Well, this is the kingdom of heaven right here, son.

Come on in. And he's like, oh man, I can't believe I'm dead. All right. Come on, Duke. Oh, no, sir. your dog can't come there there aren't any dogs allowed in heaven he's like what do you mean duke can't come and the dog's barking and stuff he's like well if duke can't come i'm not going and he keeps walking along and uh and he finally comes upon another guy by a gate and he and he's like hey come on in this

this is the kingdom of heaven right here and he's like, hey, come on in. This is the kingdom of heaven right here. And he's like, well, that's what that other guy said. But he said Duke couldn't come in. He's like, of course, Duke can come into heaven. That that was Satan. He was trying to get you to go to hell. And I don't remember that. I was just I was crying because it was so it was so sweet.

He's like, he's like, oh, Duke, you knew better, didn't you, boy? Of course dogs are allowed in heaven. And him and Duke go into heaven. It's such a powerful episode. I was crying. I should have had a little thing at the end there where he's like, but listen, Jesus, the fact that

the entrance to heaven is further away from the entrance to the underworld than the entrance to hell, and that kiosk looks exactly the same as yours, you're setting a lot of people up for... You got a lot of people in hell who were just eager to get to heaven. Right? What if they didn't have his dog?

Steve can't... Your dog, you know, Ruffles can't come in. Like, fuck it! He'd piss all over heaven's carpet anyway. This is my wife's dog, actually. This is my wife's dog actually uh go home girl and i know what if i just drown and i don't have a dog with me and the other guy's like hey come on in sounds great well i have very little experience here so i'm gonna take your word for it you can like i'll walk in yeah you don't make it and i really like the one from uh

where john lithgow oh that that was in the movie. But in the TV show, it's William Shatner, who's on the plane. He has the fear of flying, and the gremlin's out on the wing, chewing up the engine, and nobody will believe him. And then in the movie, it's John Lithgow, and nobody believes John Lithgow. I like that one

a lot. I liked The Last Man. It's called Nightmare at 20,000 Feet feet i like the one um where the guy wants to read and the world blows up and then he breaks his fucking glasses that's that's a good one i like the one where there's a kid who's all powerful everyone has to keep him happy but he's very moody and hard to keep happy yeah and he's he's impossible to love but if you don't love him he punishes you think happy thoughts

think happy thoughts oh he reads your mind right he's like you were thinking bad he like thinks him off to some nightmare land or into the cartoon world or something yeah that was in the movie as well

yeah Twilight Zone was it was out there they had so many interesting concepts. There was the one where the mannequin woman, the mannequins get to go out and be a real person one night a month and they each take turns doing it and the woman doesn't realize that she's one of the mannequins and she has to go back. Who was writing that shit? There's so many bizarre... It was Sterling, the same guy writing a lot of it, right? I remember there's one where this stranger comes into a bar late at night

and nobody trusts him. I think they think he's a Russian spy, and they end up mob-killing him because they don't trust him. And when they check, they rifle through his pockets. And there was some sort of fire involved. Because when they pull this thing out of his pocket, it's all half burnt. And it says, greetings from another world. Earthlings, enclosed is the cure to all diseases that plague man.

And then it's burnt off at the bottom. Because there's a lot of stuff about paranoia. And sort of the paranoia that... Because the Cold War was, of course, raging at that time. There's a lot of stuff about paranoia and sort of the paranoia that – because the Cold War was, of course, raging at that time. There's a lot of stuff like that, like seeing things from the other person's point of view. A lot of scenarios where the nukes got dropped and the war got set off. Oh, when that old lady is in her house in the middle of nowhere and that little alien ship shows up. And it's like a whole episode of her trying to figure it out, or like get rid of it, and they're like,

like the alien ship's being nefarious, and it's going to get her, and then in the end, it's like, it was humans, that were in the alien ship, and they landed on some giant planet, and they just happened to land in like a rural area,

at some lady's house. Yeah, yeah. And it's like, oh, neat. They're like radioing back home. Yeah.

Kind of related, there's a new Cloverfield coming out. Have you guys heard about it? No. The thing that's interesting about it is they're not advertising it. They're not marketing it. They're hardly even telling people about it. I think they just announced

a new release date. I'm googling it. That's not going to do well because the movie is advertised for a reason. I wonder what it's going to be. Because the last one was really interesting and it ended on a cliffhanger, of course, where it was revealed that there were

aliens and she had a fork in the road and she decided to turn to go to where there were people banding together to be part of the resistance or whatever. Are they going to lead off with that or is this going to be a whole other thing? I loved the last one. I thought it was excellent.

They're not telling us much about Cloverfield 3. Oh, April 20th. That's really what I was looking to find. There is a trailer, I guess. I haven't seen it yet. And so we know some of the actors and actresses. It's interesting. It's an interesting way, I guess, and it's kind of working. They're getting people talking about it as opposed to just

traditional marketing. We'll see. I'm looking for the trailer. It's hurting Taylor in his core. Yeah, I had a weird cough. What? I twinged something in my throat. You need to come to me.

I'll help you with your ad buys. With fitness and health stuff, I got some more weights today. I got a 65-pound kettlebell and another 50-pound one because I want to move up for the 50s for the press because 35 is just way too light now, and I can tell it's not really doing much.

And more to the point, because that's just kind of the same shit with different weights, is I've started forcing myself to eat, like, a giant salad every day of like spinach just because you know everybody's always like oh when you eat vegetables every day you feel so much better and I'm like a couple times a week but I decided oh fuck that that's kind of like just something you need to do as an adult it's like force yourself to do this of course I should have figured this out way before now you know because you know a kid, your mom or dad would be like,

you've got to finish all your broccoli. When you're out on your own, I'm not going to be able to make you. And at the time I was like, fuck yeah you won't. No way you're going to make me eat it. But now I want to see if these benefits are really tangible. So I'm really trying to eat a bunch of vegetables, a bunch of salad, a bunch of carrots. I was about to buy some Brussels sprouts, and I'm like, oh, let's keep this under control,

because I hate those. But yeah, I'm trying to eat quite a bit healthier, at least during the week, because on the weekend, I know I'm going to go get drunk with friends, and at, you know, 11.30 at night, I'll be like, yeah, I do need a pizza. Like, definitely.

But where are you guys at with your health kick i know kyle you're on the grubhub train oh yeah oh yeah i have been ordering indian food uh almost every single day i just had a big gigantic serving of vindal of lamb vindaloo uh curry incredibly spicy and hot i i can feel it burning inside of me right now. I've been drinking about half of one of these a day. These gigantic Homestead Creamery Chocolate Milks. Delicious. I've switched from banana sundae ice cream to banana pudding ice cream. I've got a half gallon of that in the fridge. And I'm off the diet soda. I've been drinking these Kroger brand real sugar soda root beers and black cherry sodas. I've been drinking about eight or nine of these a day.

How many calories are in each one of those? 190. 190. They're very, very good. I got a bunch of... I'm off the diet soda.'m on to these like a step backwards i uh and they're just littered the place lately there's a there's an empty one over here that i finished off earlier um i got um a bunch of breads uh at the local uh fine grocery store i

got a big loaf of banana bread and i ate almost all of it in one sitting the other night while playing PUBG. And I got a big loaf of cinnamon raisin bread, which I've been, I take butter and I whip it until it's very, very creamy. And then I add brown sugar to it. And then I spread that on the cinnamon raisin bread after I toast it and drink it with my morning coffee. And I usually eat like four or five slices of that i don't have my jams with me here so i've had to substitute that and uh lots of sushi been eating a lot of sushi not the good kind either i get spicy tuna rolls with cream cheese in them uh i eat like four of those in a sitting i guess and a couple of yellowtail hand rolls which is you know just like a cone of seaweed stuff with lots of rice and uh

and and fish and more cream cheese i get them to add the cream cheese because i i like cream cheese a lot so really eating like shit yeah it sounds like it man are you feeling about normal or do you feel more sluggish i've've been playing a lot of PUBG, and my mouse has these weights in it here. Now, I understand that you switched to a 50-pound dumbbell. If you notice here, each of these. 55.

Ah, impressive. I'd say I've got about eight ounces of weight in here. Dozens of grams. Yeah, yeah. Very heavy mouse. Very heavy mouse. Very heavy mouse. And when I'm... Do you like grip strength of yours? Probably pretty impressive.

Oh, man. When I'm flicking around with that mouse, I can feel the burn. I'm going to tell you right now. I have to take a break every now and then. And whoo! Shake it off. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, Woody, what time are you starting up tomorrow? So, there's a pilot briefing at 7 a.m and i skipped it last year i see no reason i can't skip the mandatory briefing this year i think it should be an annual tradition um and then i think there's a maneuvers course thing that i'm doing briefing closer to eight and that I don't want to miss so there's your ballpark yeah it's a little early my diet I just go through quickly I would say November and December I wasn't the best me I didn't gain weight but I kind of paused I stopped losing and uh it was just partly the holidays and partly the stress of my mother-in-law's last days you know she was staying with us and there was some like fuck it i don't give a darn

meals after she died and stuff but now i'm back on i've been very dedicated until like 15 minutes before the show where i didn't have time to eat right and uh and for exercise i kind of fell off the kettlebell thing and i've been sliding into just push-ups which is probably weak but they're just so convenient and there for me whenever i'm like you know what now and uh that's yeah but i like what you're doing more like i'm i should go there i've been thinking with it yeah see i wish i was there what i get from it the working out is enjoyable like but having to eat right is not i'd rather eat like shit what i get from exercising is a sense of accomplishment is too positive it's more like it removes a sense of guilt

that's really all it brings me you know and uh i wish i got more like i think you had like i've had success in my life like you know all right this is going well i've been in my shop a lot lately doing some filming i might you know do a thing but uh now that it's like coming along and i see the dust collection and i think you know i want to go in there tomorrow because success breeds success and it kind of plays off itself and you're like this is going cool i want to do more of this and i feel like you have that in exercise. I never really did. All I got is, hey, I don't think I'm a piece of shit today because I got up and did it.

And but I don't, you know, I've never gotten to like look at my biceps and be like, holy smokes, this is effective. And I think if I had that, there'd be more than a dread removal. There'd be a happiness brought. Definitely. that there'd be more than a dread removal there'd be a happiness brought definitely yeah because when you can see like tangible results like especially when you're working out because you're obviously pumped up you'll be like jesus christ like my forearm did not look like this a year ago or like like i'm noticing the new cropping up of veins all over the place you know where like you start to get the forearm veins and the bicep vein and all that,

which is kind of neat because I've never been strong enough or I don't know what the metric is to get that, but I've never had that before. So it's like, oh, cool. That's a real kind of tangible thing that shows that something's working. I have had that with the weight loss.

All right. Side note, I almost hate non-scale victories, right? These non-scale victories mean you didn't actually do shit and you're just lying to yourself. But had some non-scale victories because I saw a bunch of people I haven't seen in a year. And to a man, they're all like, dude, you lost weight. You look better. And it's like, aha. I've been resting on my laurels for two months.

But I'm glad you noticed what happened before that and yeah that's the truth of it yeah getting compliments is the biggest driving force mostly from girls because guy friends notice more often where they'll be like oh man you're losing weight or oh you're looking big or whatever and that but that's kind of more like i don't i don't fucking care if you notice like really like i don't care like unless you want to subscribers notice yeah they definitely do yeah even like i i swear i'm like like a monkey grabbing for a shocking banana like i don't want to mention paramotors but in a video where i i showed myself working on it and there were a lot of people in the comments who noticed that i was thinner

and i had i'm like yeah i'm really just slow to notice but thanks you know so yeah yeah it feels good it's fun i can't for the life of me figure out when i say when not if. When Kyle will get heavy. Because this can't be sustainable. It just can't. I'm, uh... I can only imagine that it's some sort of fission energy that I'm producing. Fission? Yes, fission.

I'm splitting the atoms of the food that I'm imbibing. And, uh... What were you looking at? You were like this yeah i'm on what the fuck subreddit looking for some interesting topics here and you know i'm just clicking them without reading what i'm clicking and i saw a penis injury and uh it was it hurt my soul yeah i didn't there's a reason i didn't link it it was just it was just fucking terrible you know i didn't i didn't want to share it i don't want to discuss it i didn't really want to delve any

deeper into what it what it even was i would rather watch uh someone get their head sewn off or not sewn off like it's not how you take a head off yeah you put them back on that way i'd rather watch somebody get their head sawn off and then sewn back on then watch a penis injuries i don't think we talked about the swat guy who got killed over a two dollar bet oh my god yes that was over call of duty isn't it or wasn't it yep yeah i choose confirm we didn't thank you so to lay it out there i think most people know the story but there were two call of duty people playing and they made a two dollar bet and one lost to the

other. Now, I don't know what the confusion was over just paying the bet, but in the end, one said, come to me and kick my ass and gave a fake address. I think I have this perfect. And that person who received the fake address called someone known for swatting. His name was, like, Swatistic. And so Swatistic gets the swap team to go to this fake address. Guy comes out of the house, if I recall correctly, kind of hands up. And the police, from, like, 100 hundred yards away shoot him and kill him the guy that came out of the house was they had a family kids the whole thing nothing to do with this situation

it's just that when the one person gave a fake address it was his house the guy wasn't even a gamer and uh it's tragic it's a it was all it was always a matter of time before the SWAT team killed someone we've seen trigger happy police it's like a weekly topic on this show right and some guy wrote me and blamed me he said I made it part of like popular culture or something which is crazy I like just because I didn't yeah I mean if anything the person who did it to people back in 2011 were the ones who popularized it because they started it you know

was I supposed to shed tears on the show about how horrible it was for me like that would discourage and that would have wrapped it all up yeah they would have been like it's not getting to him enough to make him cry so we'll know so but what's going on with it what what happened to the guy who uh sent out the fake address that's the question so they arrested swaltistic the guy who called the police he's

under arrest the guy that sort of sicked his suck sicked his dog on him i don't know how to say it better um the guy who told swaltistic about this i'm not sure what's happening to him maybe chis will know something but uh oh i mean that's it is really really sad like some kids don't have a dad anymore because of some douchebag on the internet who called the police now here's a question what do you do with the cop

right alright it's undeniable very bad policeman and he should probably lose his job do keep in mind that the cop heard he was killing people or whatever so they go into this site with no suspicion but at least like a they're amped up a little bit like i i try not to be a total police apologist but should he be criminally liable yes i think so yeah absolutely i mean i've said it before i'll say it again. I'll draw the same comparison.

If a doctor does something bad in your operation and he kills you, it's malpractice. If a lawyer misrepresents you and causes you financial harm, it's malpractice. But the parallel to that would be the town paying the victim's family that my question is should the cop actually do jail time well he's done something criminal in this regard like if the doctor if the if the doctor was criminally negligent and caused you to die if if he was like hot dog and like look like if he if he was hot-dogging somehow. Watch this. I'm going to take his heart out lefty. Watch this. No eyes.

Scalpel in the mouth. Yeah, right? If he was doing trick shots on your pancreas and he fucking kills you, then 360, no scope, pancreas removal. He's a criminal. He murdered you. The same thing should go for this cop. He's a criminal. He murdered you.

And the same thing should go for this cop, right? He's a law enforcement officer. He shouldn't be that trigger happy. Did you see the video? Because the video got released. I did not see the video. I don't like watching those. I'll just lay it out. The police were across the street, I think behind their cars,

with rifles pointed at the guy. He comes out of the front door, hands up, and gets shot. And, like, so the body cam's not perfect from far away. But remember the situation where the guy was in the hallway drunk and he was pulling his pants up and got killed

for it? Yep. I couldn't see that justification in this video. It was just a dad with his hands up by his ears getting killed. White guy? Yeah. I wonder why it's not in the news as Dutch. I didn't see anything about the guy's family.

I only saw stuff about the SWAT, like a one-line thing. And that's really sad. Like, you know, if the cops come and it's a SWAT, you better not go outside. Right? Yeah, I guess you just stay inside and, like, lay down and hope for the best. Like, handcuff yourself? Like, what do you do? Yeah, right?

He's got a metallic object! They're never in a talking mood. That's what my instinct is. My instinct is to say, hey, there is some kind of misunderstanding here. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Right? They'll just be like, he's behind the door, shoot. Yeah, they might. He's going for my gun!

He's across the street, Mike. He's thinking about it. He looks fast! The thing about... Kyle, you've heard this before i'd like your opinion on it because i think you'll have one uh they say that if you're within 21 23 feet with a knife you can beat a guy with a gun um i want to test that because especially like if you're not at a total surprise i feel like the gun wins. And the police are just putting that out there so that they can shoot people across the street.

Yeah. I don't know. I always took that quote to mean if the gun was holstered, you had to draw the gun. And meanwhile, he's just running at you with a knife. Shit, I don't know. I don't practice that drill. I never really did or have.

And there's a difference between holstered and not paying attention and holstered Western style. You know, it's 21 feet, seven steps, maybe less if you're running and taking strides and then diving. I don't fucking know. I know that when we watch those videos, though, I always feel like the cops are just always so afraid. They're just always so afraid. And to me as a video watcher, I'm like, man, you can read this guy's face and this guy's body language. He's afraid of you. You can hear in his voice that this is not the scary guy.

He's not being shady. He's trying to obey all of your commands and he's just trying to be cool it's like i don't know i i don't get it i i think that there needs to be a higher level of um uh certification to be a law enforcement officer and you know you just you're arming these guys to the teeth and sending them out there with the power to enforce the law with death so often. And they're just one mistake away from murdering you and your family. And then losing their job maybe and then going into private security or something. Remember that It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia scene where I like, I think Mac has the sword, and they're talking about that, and Charlie's like,

bang, bang, bang, bang. He's like, but maybe I could come at you like this. He's like, no, bang. Bang, bang, bang, bang. No, I'll do an evasive maneuver. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. I just linked. I just slinked. I gashed myself

back there at the principal's office. Didn't want to bring it up. It was embarrassing. Yeah. Some trash in it. I watch those videos and I'm just sickened every time I see them because I feel like the cops are all too often, they seem very afraid to me. And they seem hyped up and they're in kill mode. It's not fight or flight.

It's just like they're either in this super hyper mode where it's like they're playing Call of Duty and they're looking for some kills. Or they are just fucking terrified. or they are just fucking terrified they're so afraid that this guy is gonna turn out to be steven seagal or something and pull out a credit card and slash their throat or something with it like there's got to be some i don't know i don't know what happened to like good law i know plenty of good law enforcement officers you know like like the guys that i've always hung out with like they seem like decent guys and they like i i don't know what the deal is right it's scary when you see that that's so afraid and like part i got swatted everyone knows this they did a radio show when they interviewed the police when i heard their

side not the side they told me in person but their side on the radio and they were like it's not often you're driving to work thinking i guess I'll kill somebody tonight. They were ramped up thinking the whole thing was true. When they told the story to me, they said, you know, we suspected this all along. Saw a light turn on and off. That's not typical hostage behavior. That's what they told

me. That's not the attitude they had when they were coming here. You know, they were ready to kill i guess me yeah definitely they gotta hype themselves up kind of this uh yeah this is a much lighter note that uh this uh so oregon apparently uh oregon and then i think new jersey are the only states where it used to be that you couldn't pump your own gas. They have to pump gas for you.

And it is New Jersey, right? Definitely New Jersey. Okay. Well, they changed it in Oregon to where now you pump your own gas. And people have been collecting social media comments of Oregonians or whatever. And people, like, freaking out about having to pump their own gas for the first time and like some of these are older people so I want to read a couple

of these Mike says I've lived in this state all my life and I in all caps REFUSE to pump my own gas I had to do it once in California while visiting my brother and almost died doing it

only qualified people should perform. I will literally park at the pump and wait until somebody pumps my gas. I can't even. Kathy, somewhere else. No! Disabled seniors, people with young children in the car need help. Not to mention getting out of the car with transients around and not feeling safe. This is a very bad idea. Grrina pipes in not a good idea there are lots of reason to have an attendant hope

helping one is they need a job too many people are not capable of knowing how to pump gas and the hazards of not doing it correctly besides i don't want to go to work smelling of gas when I get it on my hands or clothes. I agree. Very bad idea. Sandy says, I don't even know how to pump gas, and I'm a 62-year-old native Oregonian. I say, no thanks. I don't want to smell like gasoline.

So my question to all these people, our listeners in Oregon, what the fuck do you people think we're doing when we're putting gas in our cars do you think the other 48 states aside from you in jersey we all walk around smelling of gasoline i had a friend in new jersey and they were visiting somewhere i don't remember but but she called me she's like dude how do i pump fucking gas and i had to walk her through it step by step but i'm like, all right, just now.

All right, now squeeze it. It's not intuitive. It's so easy. I have been doing it since I was a little child. They're not all the same. Of course they're not. They're different companies. Well, like sometimes you pick it up and you got to lift the bottom thing.

Sometimes you press the button. I've got a gas station that always tricks people because you have to hit start. You lift up the thing, you put it in your tank, you'd think you'd know which pump you want because you grabbed the right nozzle, but you have to hit start before the nozzle goes.

I have helped people at this gas station. I can think of four different varieties. But there are probably people from Jersey, too, who didn't grow up with it you know like i just i i was driving through oregon once on the way back from seattle when i lived in uh in boise and i didn't know this rule at the time and so i pulled into a gas station late at night got out opened up the you know gas hatch on my car got the gas put my card in to like start paying and

like some dude comes out of the gas station it's just like hey hey hey i'm like what what freaking me the fuck out it's late at night we're at a gas station the attendant comes over running at me like yeah yeah? You can't do that. What? What am I doing? You can't pump gas. I was like, are you serious? Like, are you being serious?

He's like, yeah, yeah, you can't pump your own gas in Oregon. I was like, all right, well, I guess I'll put this down slowly, slowly, and then I'll sit back in my car, or do I stand here and talk to you? Like, what am I supposed to do? Do I tip you? Is tip is it rude yeah do i tip you for gassing my car do i just sit get back in my car and then leave and he takes care of it like i don't i don't know you're not putting diesel in there well i just stood there and watched him put gas in my car that what a stupid fucking law that is beyondarded. So I have had a lot of experience in Jersey, and if that's the norm to you,

you feel kind of like worldy. Like, you know, I pull up and I sit back and I let the little people do that. That's how it feels. And I saw that in some of the comments that you read. Like, you know, I've never had the... Well, I never. You know? So it makes you read like you know i've never had well i never you know and so it

makes you feel like you're somebody special to have someone else pump your gas and then once you live in an environment where you pump your own gas you realize how slow gas station attendants are you know you pull up no hesitation instantly there's someone devoted to putting the gas in your car you and and as soon as it's done right you're not waiting for the attendant to notice that the automated thing stopped you were there with an eye on it the whole time it takes flipping forever for a gas station to make you one of the six people that they're dealing with or almost worse if they're not busy they're like inside taking a nap or playing nintendo or something and they don't come out

right away when i pump my gas i i i park by the pump i stick my card in i put the pump into the car and i lock it in and if they have one of those where they've disabled the lock i i wedge something in there because gas cap yeah i'll wedge something in there whatever i've got i used to have a wallet that worked perfectly i would just stick the wallet in there i've stuck thick light something in there, whatever I've got. I used to have a wallet that worked perfectly. I would just stick the wallet in there. I've stuck thick lighters in there. Like, whatever I've got to, like, wedge it. I go into the store, get a soda, some candy bars, whatever. You know, my blood sugar gets low around noon.

Some candy bars. Just some candy bars. One of these. One of these. I usually get two. I like to get, like, a Mr. Good bar for, like, while I'm driving. You don't... those don't keep well they melt and and maybe a nutrageous or something for later and uh you who goes well with those and

so you know by the time i've got my my my candy bars and i get back to the car it's done just hang the thing up and go on my merry way you know i kill that time i don't like standing there and watching the thing tick around i've never had a problem with the locking mechanism on my gas pumps. Yeah, they disable those in some places. They don't trust Georgians with gasoline. I don't know. I've seen it in North Carolina. Yeah, yeah.

I don't know why they choose it. The guy told me that there was a law not to have it and everyone else disobeyed it. Yeah, I don't know. I thought it was ridiculous when I found out that in Idaho and in many states, you can't buy hard liquor at gas stations. Not in our state either. Did you know that? Yeah, you can't buy hard liquor here either. Yeah, North Carolina too. Only at the liquor store is there hard liquor. There's beer and wine at grocery. Like, whenever, I think it was in Chicago. Like, when we went there and Walmart had, like, vodka, I was like, what the fuck? They got vodka at Walmart?

What kind of, what is this, Mad Max? Walmart's for guns and ammo. Not hard stuff like vodka. And regular beer. Like, that's what it was like when I went to Walmart in fucking Idaho. Where it was like, I have to go to a liquor store to buy liquor? Like, I have to literally, if I want anything other than beer, fuck it, I'll just get beer then. Like, I have to actually go to the specific state-run store, which is so stupid.

I'm so glad Missouri isn't like that. New Hampshire only has, you can only buy that stuff at a state-run store. All of the glad Missouri isn't like that. You can only buy that stuff at a state-run store. All of the liquor stores are state-run. Pennsylvania, too. ABC stores. Maybe Jersey. Yeah, ABC stores. Alcoholic beverage control stores.

I never thought ahead what that meant. There we go. Neither did I. I never thought about that. But yeah, that's the way it is. And we have no liquor sales on Sunday in virtually everywhere here. You can't buy it. And so in my little neck of the woods where I'm from, I can remember hearing my cousin refer to a bootlegger.

And what he meant by that was you could go to his place, and he kept alcohol. you could go to his place and he kept alcohol he kept such a supply of alcohol on hand that he would do Sunday sales to anyone who needed beer or liquor on a Sunday. You just went to this guy's house and he had a store of liquor and he made a living being a Sunday alcohol salesman on the sly. Man, so he was really hoping they didn't change that law. Oh oh they're not going to change it no that's not getting changed because it's a religious thing it's it's a you know

they're not changing that shit that's so stupid you should be able to buy as much liquor as you want in as many gas stations as you want because that's freedom the fact they don't sell firearms at gas stations is upsetting enough oh i i I have... My dad grabbed the hat. When I was cleaning out my basement the other day, I was like, check out this hat, Dad. I got this in Texas. It's this place in Texas called Bottle and Bag Guns and Liquor Store. It's called the Bottle and Bag.

Let me find their website. Have you ever been to a drive-thru guns, liquor, and fireworks store? Wow! They're really tough because North Carolina has drive-thru liquor stores. They call them brew-throughs. I guess it's not liquor, but beer and stuff. But yours

is great. They put guns, fireworks. They need all the fun stuff in there, right? Throw in some cotton candy. A lot of the southern states and some of the Midwest ones. It's like, well, people aren't coming here for the mountains. They're not coming here for the... We gotta give them some kind of experience that they can Instagram back to the people

in, you know, Jersey or California. They're like, oh, look how they live. You'd think that people running those stores, like their core competence is just getting licenses for shit. I think it's good. This place that those stores. Their core competence is just getting licenses for shit. Liquor and guns. This place that just linked, I have

been here in Uvalde, Texas. We saw that sign. It's like the second picture on the top. It says liquor and guns. I was like, does that say liquor and guns? We're going back.

We had to go in and see what the fuck was going on at that place. It just seems absurd. Look at that right there. It's a nine ounce wine cup with a top on it. They're going to be like, hey, you're not going to drive around with this liquor open or drinking, are you?

No. I'll also have a wine glass sippy cup for, you know, on the road. And it's like they shouldn't sell things like that. That seems like you're just enabling. Yeah, let me get a couple road beers.

A couple of road sodas, eh? Oh my god. Oh my god, she got it upside down pumping the gas? Yeah, I can't show it to people. There's a Reddit post. It's the third day since Oregonians have started pumping their own gas

and she's holding the thing upside down. How humiliating. I wonder what the situation is in Europe. Do those people pump their own gasoline? Their own petrol? Their own petrol? They take the bus. It's so much smaller over there.

Everything's closer. If you're a cool kid, you've got a car, right? I would imagine so. For the most part. I guess it depends on where you need to go. Man, that baffles me. Literally, as a

child, my dad would be like, fill the truck up while I go into the store. I mean, eight years old or something, I would pump the gas. It's second nature if you start doing it as a child. When you were from Jersey, you had people for that. Ah, I was that people. That was me.

Yeah, I guess your dad had people for that. Yeah, my dad had people. That was me. Yeah, I guess your dad had people for that. Yeah, my dad had people. I enjoyed it as a kid. I was like, yeah, I get to pump the gas. Spray a little over there. Put it in upside down. Nobody ever explained to me how to

put gas in the car before 16 when I started filling up my car like and i remember getting out i had to teach my daughter no nobody taught me because i pulled up into a gas station i was 16 in the first car i had uh one of the first days i had my license may have been the first day because i skipped school that day because i want to just drive around and enjoy having a license and i pulled in got out and was like oh shit i didn't consider this what do i do here and so i just was like all right well clearly the first thing you do is you put your card in the

card thing all right enter in the zip code or whatever all right we're in i know what my car has open the hatch open that up now that's where the gas goes now i take this and then i hit the button and it did take me like three minutes before i realized i had to flip the thing up like to get it to really go but then after that it's been smooth i've never gone to a gas station and been like oh what like i don't know do you remember the scene do i hit the button or choose the nozzle i'm so baffled do you remember the scene from uh national lampoon's vacation when chevy chase has has just bought that ridiculous station wagon and he can't find the gas cap and he's like walking around and around it looking for it he's like he's like pulling on the the license plate like rips it off and it goes flying onto somebody else's car.

He's like, I'm so sorry, sorry, sorry. He literally can't find it. He's poking the side of the car with the nozzle. I just can't relate to it. I've just been putting gas and shit forever. Oh man, there's the scene. Let's watch the scene. I love this scene.

I'm at zero. I love this movie. I'm the slow one. No worries. Peter has this weird thing that doesn't copy-paste. Well, you can't click on it. You have to copy-paste. Anyway, I'm ready now.

Three, two, one, go. Go. Is it behind the license plate? We'll see. Oh. Okay. That kid will always help. Uh huh. Clark? Is it in the job site? Yes, I know honey. why would you put it there fucking beverly d'angelo so fucking hot she gets topless in that

movie for a while yes she does big big beverly big beverly d'Angelo fan. Super hot. Super, super hot. Christy Brinkley is topless in that movie, right? We don't even mention her? I would rather have Beverly D'Angelo, I think, than Christy Brinkley. Brinkley is in the... There's like a swimming pool scene, I think, by the hotel. I don't know if you see her titties, though. Beverly D'Angelo's titties...ly d'angelo's really stood out i mean she's she's just full titty for a while there in the shower and then clark comes like scares are real good it's it's good stuff i love i love those movies the national lampoon's vacation the first one and then christmas vacation which i watch

every christmas season just watched it a couple weeks ago. I always watch those. Vegas Vacation, not so great. And European Vacation, not so great either. But those first two. Christmas and the regular one are great. What's your favorite Christmas movie? Christmas Vacation is probably my favorite one. It's the one I watch regularly. Die Hard

is pretty high up there. I don't like any of the traditional ones. They're all feel-good bullshit. A Christmas Story is okay. The one with the little boy with the BB gun, the Red Ryder. It's a kid's movie, I guess. I don't like The Grinch, Who Stole Christmas. You watch that as a kid. So yeah, Die Hard's probably number two, and number one is definitely Christmas Vacation. You got Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Cousin Eddie, the whole gang. I love that shit. definitely Christmas Vacation. You got Julia Louise Dreyfuss, Cousin Eddie, the

whole gang. I love that shit. I was quoting that when I deep fried that turkey and it was so dark. I was like, who wants the neck? Shite the neck for me, Clark. I will, Eddie. He cut the turkey open. He goes

and like deflates. Taylor? That's probably what I like to do. Christmas Vacation. I think you said Christmas Vacation, right? The same one as you? Yeah, Christmas Vacation. For me, I like A Christmas Story. It's number two for me.

Number one, Elf. That's my favorite by far. That's a good Christmas movie. It absolutely is. I like Will Ferrell movies. I don't know which one of you was telling me they hadn't seen Step Brothers. Maybe it's... She just hasn't seen it.

Come on, man. Step Brothers is very funny. They're trying to sell the house and the brothers are scaring off the potential buyers. He's over there dressed as a Klansman. He's like, hey there, neighbors! Let me know if you need some fertilizer. I've got about 30 metric tons of it.

That shit's great. You guys want to call it a show? Yeah. I guess. Thanks to our guest. And sponsors. Ben Gravy. With two Y's.

With two Y's. Gravy. And our sponsors, Smart Mouth and Squarespace. Awesome. Check both of them out. Yeah.