Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #373

Episode Date: February 16, 2018

This week on PKA, our buddy Dick Masterson has returned! Dick fills us in on all the details involving his LOLSuit where he's being sued for half a BILLION dollars, Kyle talks about his experience hanging out and playing PUBG with Wings in one of his recent live streams and the guys have a hot take on the supposed attack there is on DrDisrespect for being "racist"

Painkiller already, episode 373 with our guest Dick Masterson. Kyle? Hello there. A couple of ads. Casper mattresses and movement watches. We'll talk about those guys later on in the show. But yeah, got our good friend Dick Masterson on the show with the coolest name in the world, if you ask me. Oh, you're too kind.

Thanks, guys. It's good to be back. I feel like between Dick and Woody, we're really covered. It's one of those things, like when I first discovered Dick's videos of him fucking with Dr. Phil and everything. Like, you know when you come across somebody's moniker for their, like, online name? And you're like, goddammit, that is so good. I can't believe I didn't think of it. That's what I think of, is Dick Masterson.

It's so testosterone filled. I'll run up against, like, a guy who got to it first on Twitch. Like, alright, you son of a bitch the game recognizes i see that you had a friend in junior high who was also a smart ass yeah definitely yeah so uh i was i i don't know all the details as much i haven't kept up but i know that you were being sued by a certain internet fellow for like half a half a billion dollars i was gonna say that as a joke is it actually a billion well okay so did you just write a check yeah right like if it was 20 grand i would be scared but it's half a billion i mean

i don't have enough money to build a space elevator so send just get all the collections guys in america and send them to my house and i'll just be writing checks forever um yeah the feud that i was in last time over the stupid trademark for the biggest problem in the universe my old podcast my new podcast is now the dick show but the guy that was my co-host you guys remember him maddox yes i remember he was funny in like the early 2000s on his website. Yeah, you remember when he would like put people's hate mail on his side and shit all over it and make fun of people. Well, he's suing me. He's suing comedians that work for my show.

He's suing their place of business, their works, like their real life work. They come on my show and make dick jokes for like 50 it's nothing nothing i don't pay these guys anything then they go to their regular jobs maddox is suing their regular jobs them uh patreon he's suing patreon he's suing the patreon customer service rep that he talked to to try to get me kicked off the platform um and he's suing the lawyer of one of my comedians employed for half a billion dollars it's either 20 million dollars or uh it's either 20 million or half a billion no one can figure it out because the lawsuit is written like it's written like a child it's written by it's written by someone who's got a nail sticking out of their head it's like it's written by someone who cut and pasted and then translated it into

chinese and then re-translated it back now did he hire an attorney to sue you or is he just doing it on his own well uh his attorney the dog bite attorney dog bite landau as we're calling him is maybe is hired is maybe he's doing it on contingency. We know he's a real guy with a fake WeWork office in New York, who for some reason is licensed to practice law in Minnesota and New York. Here's the best part. The jackass is suing us in New York. None of us live in New York. Nobody. I don't live in New York. Maddox doesn't. Maddox lives. I could drive over to his house and write him a half a billion dollar check right now. He's suing us all in New York for reasons that we don't even know why.

Did he just let this get ahead of himself when he was suing it and he just let the ball keep rolling? What is his rationale that you stole a half a billion dollars from him? You could almost buy an nba team it's the funniest it's the funniest read in the world there's already like 30 or 40 videos deconstructing this lawsuit it's at lullsuit.com by the way uh i'm hoping that's lol suit yeah lolsuit. Yeah, LOLsuit.com. We're being sued for using alt-right phraseology to insult him, including calling him a cuck. You're probably guilty. But at least you didn't get to him. We're guilty of making fun...

I don't even know who we is. Like, we, the internet, he's got just random tweets in the lawsuit uh we're guilty of making fun of his girlfriend and it says and i quote in the goddamn lawsuit simply because she's a beautiful african-american woman are you guilty in the lawsuit this is a joke did you make fun of his girlfriend uh I did. After she got a restraining order against her for calling my girlfriend's work to try to get her fired. Like, this is the escalation that we're at now. It started with actual restraining orders against these lunatics. And now we're, like, we're paying actual lawyers to defend us.

We're paying actual lawyers to defend us because just because we made a billboard charting album called Santa Cuck, bald-headed lies about Maddox, that's what he's suing us over. Well, I think he may have some ground to stand on. Yeah, so do I. You're having too much fun. You glazed over the him trying to fuck with your girlfriend. Go into that a second because that's hilarious how he did that. Not hilarious. Sorry, I haven't been here in a while. I don't think you told that one here.

I've been involved in a lot of altercations since then. Okay, so I'll try to just hit the sweet spots for you guys. The whole reason Maddox pissed off is because I started dating his ex-girlfriend, who is a teacher. Whatever. I did it. I knew it was wrong. I did it anyway.

Fucking. Don't sue me. I'm a scumbag. Well, that's his plan. It is. Yeah. Mission accomplished. So this is the weirdest thing. I started getting these emails saying, hey, if you don't do what we say um we're gonna

call your girlfriend's school and like say all this shit about her which is all lies you know it's just like weird weird character stuff like nothing really specific either we're just gonna try to embarrass her which i think is the point of the entire lawsuit is just them suing people's employers and trying to embarrass us uh so sure enough she gets a call uh my girlfriend would call 80s girl on the show because obviously i don't i don't want to give her a real name for obvious reasons uh she gets a call at school saying hey somebody called and gave this weird disjointed uh complaint about how you're a danger to students and like we need to fire you quickly and then the stupid ass gave her name

and phone number to call them back if they had any questions about why they should fire this teacher. So sure enough, it's Maddox's girlfriend. We're like, what in the hell? What are you thinking? So a listener of the dick show, of my show, said, dude, you need to get in a restraining order.

We did. We go to court, file the restraining order. Maddox and his girlfriend, the gruesome twosome, show up in court. Maddox is dressed like a, he's wearing like a purple Wild West bartender uniform. Like a purple vest, like an undertaker, and like all black. Like he's thinking he's a big city lawyer he's coming in with a volume of documentation to prove why that this why this needed to happen this call to get somebody fired uh the judge gets up and just says like this is the judge gets up and goes to the girl who did it a man's girlfriend hey did you do this mental

jest and she goes yes but i have a reason she goes there's no are you it's there's no reason for this you are bam guilty restraining order don't ever harass these people again so he said well that's the end of that right uh eight months later half a billion dollar lawsuit you better start saving half a billion dollars like that's such a ridiculous amount of money that it's almost like an admission that you're not gonna i can see through you know how much you're sweating that it's really getting to you you know the worry over the half billion uh it is i mean he's he's he's suing a guy like this this poor schlub who calls himself mad cucks and just gets on video and does like a dumb impression of Maddox.

It's not even, he's just a guy. Like, he's just, he's suing him for $20 million too. Because he says he appears as a slovenly-dressed, dim-witted individual, and this has caused me unimaginable stress. $20 million worth of stress from this other fat guy doing jokes, which

Mad Cucks is hilarious. And he's very, very quick. And it's a kind of quickness where he's in the Maddox mentality, being quick, responding to it in the way that he would with his libertarian hate and all that. I love it. On the outside looking in, this is hilarious.

I'm sure on the inside, it's really shitty because even though you know it's frivolous like everyone's stress everyone's pissed at me everyone's work is pissed at me my real job guys are pissed at me like all everybody everybody is all stressed out we're writing like just have you guys had to hire lawyers for any reason? Ever? Yes, I've hired a couple lawyers. They're so freaking expensive. Oh, yeah. Kyle, yeah, you know what I'm talking about.

Kyle knows. And you don't want a cheap one. Exactly. This isn't like, I don't know. You don't cheap out when you buy a lawyer, right? When you buy one, when you hire a lawyer. when you buy one when you hire a lawyer you know there's some things in life you're like give me the cheap one you know not not a lawyer the last lawyer i paid here's the deal i got a bill it was twenty five thousand dollars and i was like oh

fuck okay so i write a check yeah i know right so i write a check and i pay it and then nine months later they're like hey this thing's still unpaid, but I'll tell you what. If you give us half of it, we'll just call it good. And I'm like, oh, fuck, really? I already paid it. And they're like, oh, yeah. Yeah, you're right. Never mind.

Oh, we're down. Who canceled that fucking check? I want to try that one. Kyle, it's like when you buy a microwave, you look at the really expensive one. You're like, I don't need that. I don't need the $500 one. Kyle, it's like when you buy a microwave, you look at the really expensive one, and you're like, I don't need that. I don't need the $500 one. I'm going to get the $100 one. But the lawyer, he can't do that. You're like, well, what's the difference between the $1,000 an hour one and the $100 an hour one? Like, oh, well, one is you're guilty. Yeah. If you've ever been in court for anything like traffic or whatever, especially if it's the kind of, I don't know the different kinds of court,

but basically there will be lots of people milling around, and they're all there for different shit, traffic offenses. There's also child abusers and animal abusers mixed into the thing. Everybody's there, and you kind of look around because there's a lot of waiting, and you kind of see that guy got a cheap lawyer. That is a cheap lawyer. There's like a slovenly guy over there doesn't even have a briefcase he's got like a three ring binder like you had fifth grade yeah it's like way too big jacket is like down to like his thumb knuckle

those shirts showing underneath it just looks he's literally asking people if they have jewelry to use as collateral like this is a thing that the criminal justice system. He's got a picture on his business card. Do you have any jewels? Do you have any expensive watches or anything? And it's like, look at that woman. Do you think she has... Does that look like Queen Victoria to you?

That bitch ain't got no jewels. Yeah, that woman does not have a jewel unless she named her daughter that. Like, there's a 0% chance. My daughter's name is Jew. and then the other one's crystal yeah so mercedes that's what i'm doing uh writing checks for lawyers for how much hilarious fun that we're having wait you haven't stopped having hilarious fun. It seems. Forgive me, I'm out of date, but it sounds like he's pissed off because you like poking him a lot. You are poking him a lot.

Yeah. I hope Wings doesn't come after me for half a billion dollars. You got a beef with this guy, Wings? A little bit. I think we smoothed it over some. Actually, last night, I got on on wings redemptions uh uh twitch stream and we streamed till like 6 30 in the morning had a good time but but but yeah we had a little bit just saved yourself half a bill yeah

i think i might have and everyone being pissed at you for like three months yeah woody uh we do poke him but he started it because he stole the feed look this is getting more mature by the second no it's all i wanted to do was go have my own show and mind my own business like always by the way but he took the feed that we had for the biggest problem and stole it and pointed it to his new show so i said well what what come on what's that all about so i started making fun of him then he started releasing our bonus content for free i kept making fun of him and that's when uh it's a long it's a long sordid tale that's when he released this out of nowhere he released a video saying that I was a, quote, rape apologist because I said explicitly that women and everyone should always plan for the worst.

Like, right? Hope for the best. Plan for the worst. In all instances, don't get drunk and pass out. You're in good company. Woody here is a rape apologist. Those women all dressed provocatively. They're built for it.

Of the 20 teens is this rape apology. Everyone's now came out of nowhere. I don't remember it growing up, anyone being a rape apologist, but now everybody's towing the line of being one. Yeah, he hit me with that. So I guess after that, it was gloves are off. It wasn't even something you said, was it? It was like an 8chan post from like a fan or something?

Or that's where they posted the list of all the crimes you'd committed. Yeah, that was it. Some 8chan. And Max has a lot of screwball fans, like this jackass Mr. such yeah that was it some uh some hannimax has a lot of screwball fans like this jackass mr burgers that was going like he this guy mr burgers is obsessed with maddox and he just he hounds his girlfriend all the time and i get blamed for it i don't know the guy i don't know what these idiots are doing i like these fan names you've got you got mr burgers what was the who was the mad cucks why don't we have people

like this this is horse shit we need i want some scary people like this we need our own whack pack of deviants cultivating oh you have uh lettuce jones i think he's a prisoner here in st louis where i live uh yeah he just got out of he just got out of jail big lettuce jones yeah big lettuce jones he just got out of jail he was telling usuce Jones? Yeah, Big Lettuce Jones. He just got out of jail. He was telling us that the thing he missed most when he was in jail was food. Like he would watch TV and see the McDonald's dollar sign menu and just go and start crying like a manly, weeping tear. Like, oh, those dollar cheese and those dollar chicken sandwiches look so good. I misinterpreted.

I thought he missed prison food when you started telling the story. Oh, no. That's cool. I grew up eating poorly, and my mom used to always say that it was her gift to our future brides that we had really low standards for food. And when I went off to college, everyone was like, what is this, like, gruel that they're serving?

And I'm like, holy shit, this is outstanding. And nobody's going to hit me with an ice scraper or a stiletto in there. Woody has a little bit of, Woody was beaten by his mother with stiletto shoes and ice scrapers. Mental and physical abuse. Let's not gloss over that.

You're right. Yeah, we don't want to be glossing over to it look how great i am now did your mom have her own i got a flying machine a big house what were you saying i said did your mom like set you up a cryptocurrency and then crash it two weeks later you'll appreciate that when you grow up. Like, bitch, I don't understand tokens. Get out of here. Oh, we lost Kyle's video.

We lost Kyle. I have so little understanding of that cryptocurrency shit. You have any. But, like, I don't have any. But I don't know anyone of my friends or, you know, online or otherwise that have them that have actually used it to purchase anything legal, for one, or purchase anything. Most people are just holding onto it the way they do that tulip boom a couple hundred years ago where it's like you're just holding onto it as long as you can.

How dare you? Did you compare this to tulips? I don't know how it works. I'm saying in my head, I don't get it. It just seems like people are just hoarding it, and they're not actually going to spend it, and so then it will just depreciate. I don't know.

Woody, are you a crypto guy? Not really. I mean, I looked into it. I tried to come up to speed. I don't think I ever got real expertise. I bought in at just under $8. I got out at $14.5, and I thought I was dumb at the

time because it instantly went to like 19 but now i'm feeling pretty smart now you're looking real smart because it's like what 7 000 now it might be yeah hold i'm a i'm a holder too oh so you're a crypto guy yeah i got in i mean i got in really early, like a long time ago, just luckily. And then when it was around three, I got in a little bit more. But we also have a cryptocurrency on the show called Dickles on the Dick Show. And you could buy art and bongs with them. There's a bar in Orange County where you could buy I think a cup of whiskey but you got to buy food too.

Wait so how much money is a dickle worth? I don't know it's worth one art. One dickle is worth one art. Like a couple guys on... Yeah you've got to go on the reddit or a couple guys on Twitter are selling their art for dickles. Furry guy I think. They're great artists! Where's the dickle exchange?

How do I buy in? Yeah. You gotta go to dickles.lol. That's how you find them. How many fucking, this is one of the funniest things about your show and everything in the environment, is there are fucking a fleet of ancillary websites and ridiculous intellectual properties where you'll be like, oh yeah, we had a joke about a fat guy. Go to fatguy.biz.

Dickles.lol. Let me see. You mine them with Patreon. So if you give me money on Patreon, you get dickles for that. But they are Ethereum tokens. You can have them on your phone and wherever Ethereum works, the dickles work.

This is absurd. This is absurd. This is absurd. It sounds like you're pulling a Bernie Madoff on everybody. I think you're on the verge of an actual half-billion-dollar lawsuit. Trump would never do me dirty like that. I made 20 million dickles to pay off the lawsuit. Just in worst case scenario that I lose.

Woody, you were talking about bad dreams. Last night, I had a dream that I sat bolt upright in bed and like a like a like a sitcom. I haven't done that in years. I was at the trial for my lawsuit and I lost. The judge just walks in and goes, Dick Madsen, you are guilty. You're not giving money. You're going straight to jail. I was like, no!

He was sitting up there without even any robes either. He just had a big Maddox shirt on. He smashed his gavel on Maddox's book, Alphabet of Manliness, and I was like, ah! Wow. That's a very detailed... Well, it wouldn't be Alphabet of Manliness now. It would be Fuck Whales.

Oh, yeah. That piece of shit. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Is Fuck Whales a fat hate book? No, that's the title of his book, which is like his short stories and stuff, right? I haven't read it, obviously. They're just rants.

I like mine better. Yeah. Yeah, a fat people hate book would be way better. I'd buy that. Imagine this coffee table book, right? It says, fuck whales on the front. And it's really artistic, and you don't know what's in it. But as you flip through it, it's just candid photographs of enormous people in the wild.

Like people at Walmart. Yeah, it's people at Walmart, but the biggest you can find. And they progress. You go to page one, and you're like, holy shit, that's the biggest human I've ever seen on Earth. And you're like, no, no, no. They progressively get fatter as you go. And it's got like a David Attenborough style write-up on each one. Like here we see the whale tail is in its truest form, riding on a rascal scooter in the Triscuit Isle of Walmart.

Here we see a large female waiting in the freezer aisle of Walmart. You think she's purchasing something, but really she's trying to cool off. Here we have what looks like a binary star system, but it's actually a mother and her daughter on the way to Jesus Christ. There, yes, a normal size human being caught

in the gravity well. A skinny male, which we will often see in the trailer park. A telltale scratches on the face. Tell a deeper story. And a can of skull outlined in the back of his jeans. Truly marvelous. I'm getting sued for that, too, by the way. I'm getting sued for Fuck Whales doing shitty sales. That's also in the lawsuit.

Wait, just because you made fun of his book not selling? Yes. Okay, when you truly are talking to your attorney or team of attorneys, they have to be telling you like this is ridiculous you're gonna be fine every one of them well they can't say that because they're lawyers uh they they just like they're very they are all trying not to laugh and i think they feel bad that i have to pay them like i get that sense and then they all they all give me the they say they start every conversation with this look dick um i just I have to stress again that we are taking this very seriously.

However, we really need to know if you wrote an album called Santa Cuck. And if it was actually, we need to know if this billboard is a Photoshop or if you actually did this. This is a Photoshop. Like, all of it's a joke what was it don't you guys understand jokes I feel like that South Park when what was it Carlos Mencia is trying to explain fish sticks to

Kanye like don't you understand this is a joke you idiot stop suing everybody stop it well you were i was really hoping a while back because apparently there's a billboard right outside of maddox's place and you were considering purchasing it and putting a big ad for i guess your show or something up there and you never ever decide to do yeah whatever's funny just to antagonize him i like how dick is completely innocent can you believe this wacko suing me?

Like, what? Is he out of his mind? It seems to me that he's out of his mind over there. The things I'm doing, like buying billboards and setting up websites. But that's a joke, and it's hilarious. Dude, if you're making dickles to someone, that's great. When Maddox's ex-girlfriend, you know, we live together, she was going through her stuff,

and she found this letter that he wrote her to try and get back with him, like a love letter, after they had broken up, and he was a complete piece of shit. He wrote her this letter to try and get her back. So I said, all right, buddy, I have this letter. Stop messing around with us, or I'm going to read this letter to try and get her back so i said all right buddy i have this letter stop messing around with us or i'm gonna read this letter that you wrote and it's very embarrassing so he sued us so i had to read it yeah well by law right i mean you had a contract if you do this i'll do that we had a live show in chicago where mad cucks uh the letter. Also getting sued for that.

What a litany of shit you are going through right now. It seems like every joke you've made, you're getting sued for. I thought Dr. Phil was the biggest jackass that I mess with in the world, but I got a new high score. So you stole this guy's... You said you dated his ex-girlfriend,

but I think what you mean is you stole her while they were still dating. No, dude, they were broken up for three years. They were broken up for three or four years. He had a new girlfriend who lived with him. Like, this is the most messed up, dysfunctional shit. That is a much lower level offense.

Yeah. Yeah. We were at a wedding. We left the wedding together. That's all he knew. He instantly loses. Maddox instantly loses his mind, starts texting her obsessively, texts me. Meanwhile, his current girlfriend is just sitting there twiddling her thumbs, I guess.

I don't know. I would be surprised just knowing women as thumbs, I guess. I don't know. I would be surprised, just knowing women as well as I do. I would be surprised if she didn't sleep around on that. Yeah. I'd be surprised if she didn't hightail it out of there that night and say, hey, I'm going to go stay with a friend.

His name is Mr. Big Penis. You deal with these unresolved issues with your old boyfriend there. Oh, you did it again you just stumbled into another lawsuit damn it man yeah like when you know there's a three-year gap like i know what you were thinking it was like a girlfriend stealing thing but it doesn't make it beyond the pale like he doesn't own this woman you can't like if i break up with a girl and three years later she has a boyfriend i can't suddenly try and edge back into her life,

not even to be with her again, just to force that guy out. I think it depends on your relationship with the guy, in my opinion, right? If you're super tight and it's like, dude, she's the one that got away. Could you find anyone else? I can imagine that scenario going down. But I could also be like yeah you know like she's gonna move on with her life too yeah i i did one better uh he called me maddox called me after the wedding incident saying hey you left with 80s girl uh i need an explanation for that

and i said hey buddy uh i would never date her um my friendship with you means more than more than any kind of romantic entanglement of course i was lying right because i already never date her um my friendship with you means more than more than any kind of romantic entanglement of course i was lying right because i already slept with her once at this point yeah more than once we had all night woody four times yeah but i don't know he's he uh i think he browbeated out of someone because it was totally a secret. Like it was, for all he knew, it didn't even happen until he found out and canceled the show. Well, that wasn't during, oh, that was during Biggest Problem, right?

Yeah, that's what started this entire disaster. It's a woman. It's a Trojan War that we're having over here all over a woman. God, what a pain in the ass. I was the biggest fan of Biggest Problem I've listened to every episode multiple times and I remember the first episode because I didn't know who the fuck you were

at first I only knew who Maddox was and I remember the first episode thinking like God this fucking dick guy is so loud and annoying and will not shut up and by the end of the series it had like well really like five episodes in it kind of. And by the end of the series, it had like, well, really like five episodes in, it kind of flipped.

But by the end, it was like, God, will Maddox just shut the fuck up about bringing up his old problems like libertarian, broken window fallacies and things that are so stone cold ridiculous and like, I don't know, just too many callbacks. But it was a great show. It was a shame that it ended.

Thanks, man. So wait, are you still with this Helen of Troy? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I won't make any more jokes then. Go nuts! Has it been a while?

He's not going to sue us. He might. I do worse things. I take your soul. I don't settle things in court. I just give people nicknames that last forever. I feel like on Valentine's Day, you just sit with this young lady

and just say, you know, you're worth it all. And that's the only gift you have to give. You're worth the half-billion-dollar lawsuits, the lawyers, the legal system, the endless online abuse. You're worth it all. So you didn't get anything?

No. I don't have any money the attorneys took it i'm half a billion in debt i think you're actually using a lot of restraint in what you're exposing to the world because if you're with a girl who was with a guy, she knows most of the under-the-surface dirt and shit, like the nasty habits and all that kind of stuff. It would be embarrassing. And so if anything, you're being very closed

and keeping most of that stuff close to your chest, I would think. Yes, you would be correct in thinking that. See, but it might not be out of kindness, right? If he fires that bullet, he doesn't have that bullet anymore. He might be keeping the gun loaded. But Maddox clearly, right? If he fires that bullet, he doesn't have that bullet anymore. He might be keeping the gun loaded. But Maddox clearly doesn't care that he has that bullet because that's what was with the note thing where he's like, I'm going to read this humiliating note

and if you do anything, and then he did it anyway. It's not even that humiliating. It's just weird. We've all written a letter to a girl to try to get her back. Not to despise her. I kind of want to hear this letter. You've never written a letter to a girl to try to get her back. I kind of want to hear this. I kind of want to hear this letter. You've never written a letter to a girl? No, to get her back.

That was the second part of it. If I break up with a girl, I'm on to the next one. Yeah, that's Woody. Pump him and dump him. That's it. You called it.

This Woody's walking. This Wood's got a forest to plow. That doesn't make sense. This Wood's driving long and far. So many kisses, Jizz. That's hilarious. Oh, speaking of kisses, did you guys see Tom Brady kiss his kid on the lips? His young son on the lips. Let me get this video for you because it is

The grossest thing you'll ever see in your life. When I heard it I was like oh It was probably maybe like the kid turned his head a little bit or something and like he got a little Accidental kiss thing cuz I've done that like with my mom before we're like she's like Leaning in like to give me a kiss on the cheek. I'm not paying attention kiss thing because i've done that like with my mom before where like she's like been leaning in like to give me a kiss on the cheek i'm not paying attention i'll turn and then you get like a corner lip and it's like oh that's that's weird you know but this and start making that oh you just you don't want to make it awkward you just make it like you meant to do that yeah just see where

the knife takes you if you slip her a little tongue you know all right i'm trying to find the right we've already been in there yeah oh yeah if you put it that way that is true seconds mom yeah no yep the biggest thing she's ever had all right 20 20 seconds on this video i just linked if we want to watch tom brady be weird with how many seconds? I'm sorry. 20. I'm not even a Patriots fan or anything. I don't have any positive or negative thoughts towards Tom Brady, but this makes me like him much less.

Are we ready? Yes. Three, two, one, play. Tom Brady was laying down on a trainer's table. His 11-year-old son comes into the room. He's getting a massage. What do I get? He's in great shape. Look at this guy. I know the room. He's gonna give him a massage just to tap him. What do I get? He's in great shape.

Look at this guy. I know, right? He's 40. Oh, that's no big deal. That's sweet! What the hell is the problem here? Tom Vince says, basically, is that all? The kid comes back and they have a much longer kiss.

Oh, oh, oh, that's, that Oh, that's a little different. It lingers for at least two solid seconds. I mean, it lasts a long time. Okay, we can turn this off now. So for the listeners, Tom Brady is lying on his back getting like a sports massage. He's clothed with only a towel covering his waist, and his son enters the room,

gives him a kiss right on the lips, kind of leans down over him. It's like a peck. His son's maybe nine. I got some context for you guys, too, on this. And that was perfectly fine. That looked okay to me. It's not something I've ever done,

but, ah, okay, you know, do your thing. That's fine. They love each other. And then he's like, ah, is that all I get? Get your little firm ass back over here. you know, do your thing. That's fine. They love each other. And then he's like, ah, is that all I get? Get your little firm ass back over here. And the kid saunters back over and plants one right on his lips

again. And there were no tongues, but it reminded me a lot of one of those Star Trek kisses where Shatner would really lay one on Uhura or something like that. And it just went on a little. That went on too long. That was like a solid two seconds of lip-on-lip, man-on-boy contact.

I'm going to throw a flag on that play. I give two thumbs down to that second kiss. Because it is way too long for a nine-year-old boy. For any age child. Eleven. Even worse. It's even worse. You shouldn't be kissing your children on the lips when they're 11.

Yeah. I thought he was not. See, there's a weird stage when you're raising kids where, like, all of a sudden, lip kiss. It's like, no, no, no. We shouldn't be kissing anymore. Like that. I'm throwing a flag on this. Our relationship has changed.

Now I don't kiss my boy. Because I did when he was, like, five, right? Sometime. Yeah, but not on the lips, I'm sure. You can't tell anybody. They won't kiss my boy. Because I did when he was like five, right? Sometime at nine or 11. Yeah, but not on the lip sensor. Because you can't tell anybody. They won't believe him anyway. It's the smell of a man. That's when you can start recognizing the smell.

That little boy, you know your dad's smell. And he's at some point like, oh, you gross bastard. I hope I don't smell like that. And you will smell like that. You'll love it. But that's with that age when you know your dad's smell. Tom Brady gave this poor little boy a whole head full and a snout full and perhaps even a throat full of the Tom Brady smell experience. And it's disgusting.

I bet it's amazing. He tasted his own dad's breath if you're gonna get i mean tom brady's got to be top 10 in the men that i would kiss if i had to list right like you don't have to make a list though that's the point you don't you don't have to make a list of men like and on the list of tom brady's men that he'd like to kiss his son should not be at the top you know i i i i'm not saying that that was okay that was a little odd i that would not take place in my home i would neither be on the receiving or the delivering end of one of those uh incestuous man on boy smooches but but you don't get to pick if

you're on the receiving end if you're tom brady's kid who just wants to check his fantasy football league he's gotta play he's gotta play a little bit of console hockey with it. Pay the toll, kiddo. Pay the toll. His one long kiss and a butt squeeze. And I'll let you check your fantasy football team. Fantasy football league is code for what they do when the cameras

aren't around. Oh, fuck. That would mean he likes it, then. So I guess it's not accurate. I mean, maybe he does. Yeah, maybe it's like a Milo situation. Poor ladies. Where they talk about how much they loved being molested. I actually liked it. Father John had a great cock, and he taught me how to suck cock well.

Do you remember how ridiculous that was? When he said that? Yeah, he said that 15 times. You can tell when he's saying that I feel bad when people make him say it. He's like, ah, come on, guys. Don't make him say it again. He's obviously struggling with the abuse and trying to joke his way out of it It's just not landing. Yeah, it's like with like people who are molested like that as kids They often try and retroactively go back and make it like oh, I wanted it though, but I didn't I wasn't a total victim

I wanted it so like that seems like what Milo does every time he talks about it Look, I'm not defending child molesters. Those are those are terrible people but from the child's point of view i i've told the story before but when i was 11 i totally wanted it i wanted it i was like oh miss wish miss harrison would take me in the bathroom and i'd never tell oh i just want to motorboat those titties like like i wanted and i knew even as an 11 year old but that would be wrong i couldn't tell anyone about this or Miss Harrison would get it. Big, big fan. Mr. Harrison might whip my little 11-year-old ass.

I knew then, but I wanted it. I absolutely. You're talking about a nice lady. Wait, did you get it? No. No. I wish. Damn.

I wish. Yeah. It was 11 for me, but you go a little older you know like good old 13 14 year old woody dude i would have fucked pretty much anybody what was the earliest teacher that you good girl thanks for that clarification what was the earliest teacher that you wanted to fuck like what grade miss harrison in the in the fifth grade she was the first hot teacher i had um you know my up until then they had all been like old crones and cunts and then came miss harrison in the fifth grade. She was the first hot teacher I had. Up until then, they had all been like old crones and cunts. And then came Miss Harrison in the fifth grade, and she was a little heavy,

I guess. She was maybe like 140, 150 pounds. I don't know. But she had big titties, and she had long black hair. And we would talk about X-Files, because as an 11-year-old, I watched the X-Files, and as like a, I don't know, a 28-year-old woman, she watched it too. And I was always a kid who could kind of have conversations with adults and get adult jokes. And like I sat right next to her desk, and I remember the episode with the Peacocks that came on, which is the incestuous family that's kind of an Andy Griffin kind of spinoff of The X-Files. It's dark as fuck. It's rated M-A, and they only uh broadcast it twice and uh and i just remember having that conversation with her and being like oh yeah this is somebody i can kind

of connect with maybe maybe me and miss harrison will spend the rest of our lives together oh i'll by the time she's i'll grow up i'll be a real boy someday but do you remember like thinking well i mean fourth grade for me i had a super super fucking hot teacher in fourth grade and then i had her again in eighth grade because she like changed jobs the same year i and that was weird because it was like i know your tricks and your bullshit you know you're only smart enough to teach this grade like you got a promotion but yeah i definitely wanted to fuck my fourth grade teacher and you know at the time where you imagine like the ages of your teachers where you're like well

i'm nine she must be like 50 you know like she's very old she's an adult and i find out later where i'm like uh how old was miss like mom how old was miss woodman when i was in fourth grade she's like oh she was 22 right out of college. It's like, well, no wonder I wanted to fuck her so bad. Just that prime 22-year-old teacher pussy. You have weird conversations with your mom. I mean, she's a wonderful gal. We're both very open. She's a great kisser.

Unfortunately, we don't have the Mr. Brady and son Brady relationship. Not yet, not yet. but hey, life is long. I don't think any amount of Super Bowl rings makes that cool. I'm not really down for Taylor's mom, but I need to get in with that grandma. With the food. That's the one I'm looking at if you see me moving in making moves on grandma

you'll know why I think grandpa will take care of you real quick my grandpa will beat the shit out of me and you and Kyle and Dick he's a man who's never picked up a weight in his whole life but he lives in southeast Missouri and he's been throwing 100 pound bales of hay from the age of i don't

know 11 to 72 where it's like you just get that kind of strength where like like if you bump up against his belly like if it were a city slicker kind of belly you'd like bounce off a little bit but you hit it and it's like you're hitting like manhole cover. It's like, what's in here? That can't be bad. What's going on? You've eaten nothing but fried eggs and bacon for breakfast since 1941. What's keeping you going?

And he says, chewing tobacco. And professional bull riding. Oh, he's great. I love my grandparents. I feel bad for people who don't have good relationships with their grandparents. You can learn so much from those fuckers. Yeah. Like a lot of racist epithets that aren't even in use anymore. Oh, yeah.

Excuse me, Taylor. Epitaphs, I believe. Yeah. Racist epitaphs. Here lies a dirty Jew. Yeah, racist epitaphs. Here lies a dirty Jew. That's hilarious, racist epitaphs.

Oh, man. I don't think I really know that word. It's a wings. Wings calls them racial epitaphs. Do you have a Twitter anymore? Because I always enjoyed looking at your Twitter, and I don't think I've seen a tweet in like months from you who

me oh no I got banned I told I told Cuck Reagan I mean Chris Reagan to eat a cinder block which is edible they are edible again I did nothing wrong everything's food

if you're motivated yeah people have disease where they eat bricks and stuff i wasn't saying anything violent um he was defending maddox in the lawsuit and i said oh you just center block dude you idiot how stupid can you be you pretend to be this guy railing against sjws and whatever um but when you were when your friends do it you don't have shit to say because you're a coward um and then i got banned i banned you forever they didn't even give you like a suspension no they gave me like even if i would look at other people's twitters they would they would get banned themselves um i'm finally back on that's an amazing power to wield that's like thor's hammer in twitter world like you can just get other people banned it was weird

i get like i would go on a phone i would go out in the middle of nowhere and just try to do it on like an incognito browser instant ban um i think they might have some kind of timeout algorithm that they let you get back on after a certain, I don't know, a couple months. Because they let me get back on as Stand With Dick. But it's not the same. It's not the same because I feel like they tore my heart out from me. Like, I loved Twitter. I would get on and talk to my friends, my little anime avatar guys who I wouldn't even imagine as real people in real life.

They would just be these goofball gifs on my phone, and they took it away from me. I know they could do it at any moment. Ruined the whole thing for me. Somehow I'm so not into Twitter. Oh, Kyle, why don't you go then? I was just going to say that Ari Shafir was on the Jim Norton show the other day,

and he was talking about his Twitter ban. And I guess there was another comic who had his records, his vinyl records, and he wanted them back, and it had been a while. And he tweeted at him that if he didn't give them to him, he was going to home invade him. They permanently banned him. He's like, yeah, I messed him.

I'm like, I'm a comedian. My job is sarcasm and snarky threats. Like, this is what I do for a living. The guy I threatened is a comedian. And that motherfucker has my records. And if I don't get him that. I don't get where they get off. Like, you know, Twitter pisses me off.

Like, they have no reason to do this. Them constantly banning and, like, shaping the level of decorum that is de facto our entire society like you can't gab doesn't fucking work facebook isn't the same as twitter it's like it's what a mall is twitter and the way they shape it makes me really suspicious of what exactly they're about as a company because they lose a half a billion dollars every year and every email they send me is about celebrities or politics i don't like so i'm starting to think is this just like a loss leader for some for like entertainment and politics to send this crap into everybody's phones all the time because nobody's watching ads anymore like i think the idea is if twitter

becomes a platform where people get bullied, then Twitter dies. It's already a platform where people are bullied ruthlessly. Put it in the search. Kill all white people and see what comes up. That kind of thing will end a social media platform. If they let the nastiness get that out of control, then all the civilians sort of leave and all that's left are bullies, which isn't enough.

I think it's almost like with Twitter, you make your own adventure in a way. You kind of hang out in the spheres that you visit unless you're going into all the trending topics and whatnot. I follow a ton of hockey things, so I get a ton of hockey stuff. That's kind of the area I'm in.

I'm sure, Woody, you follow a lot of paramotor stuff, so that's kind of the Twitter world that you're in, or whatever. You know what I mean. I'm not big on Twitter, but carry on. Yeah, but it's kind of like you make your own adventure. But as far as the bullying, you're right, people will leave if that gets to be the case. But you also, like, they need to be more fair in who they ban for bullying.

That is a tall order, though, right? Like, you know, like, what you want is for them to really know the background in history and decide which of these parties is more guilty. Probably they're both a little guilty, but one of them is the aggressor. Instead, they're like a bad teacher. You hit me, I hit you back, I get banned. But didn't you see? He started it.

They don't see the point. Yeah, they tend to do more one direction but like they've got an army of indians and like 20 year olds who are on and are virtually unemployable because they just got out of college there's no job for them enforcing like enforcing things as they see fit uh i don't know i'm just uh i'm bent out of shape obviously because i got banned twitter's an independent company right they have jack dempsey i think is his name oh or he's the ceo i don't know who like i thought he was here like google owned it or something but i don't think yeah or or or that like some like uh you know well-known billionaire liberal person has invested like you know a hundred a hundred million dollars

recently or something jack jack dempsey is a front for George Soros, and if you don't see that, you're blind. I was literally thinking of George Soros. You might need a little bit of a home run before you can see. Oh, my God. I feel like the right, and I realize I'm the only guy with three not there right now, much more inclined to believe horseshit news

and be selective on it if there's a if there's a cliche about the left that is just infuriating and sometimes true it's the blue haired social justice warriors slightly overweight screaming woman cry bully right that that is the social justice warrior that I just wish was not on my team and then yeah on the right you've got the guy who just is totally selective about his news beliefs, unbelievable nonsense from websites he's never heard of,

shares shit on Facebook about how all these DACA people are members of, is it MSI, the gang? MS-13. MS-13, thank you. MSI is a graphics card. And yeah, they show these guys with facial tattoos and say this is the immigrants that are trying to get in the country.

And that is the impression of the right, the people that you probably wish were not on your team, just believing poor shit. Well, yeah, nobody – like I don't think you should have to take those social justice warriors on your, quote, team the same way. We don't have to take someone who's like that pizza joints full of rapists like that guy on our team because like it seems like some people just just inclined to like violence and control on and they just happen to find the side that they are on but all they really want to do is control what everybody else wants to do and they just give all of us a bad name like oh i don't i don't care what you do and you're give all of us a bad name. Like, oh, I don't care what you do. On the right,

you got the moral guys. You're like, I don't care what you do in your bedroom, but I don't want to see it. It's like, yeah, but you also care what people do in their bedroom, dude. Don't try to pull. Don't try to pretend like you're tolerant as long as you don't have to see it. I don't think that shit

has anything to do with politics. It's just like you wish that you were running the show that's your thing like you have you have this desire to run the show and we don't have that i just want to exist minding my own business um we should split it up split politics up like that no more right and left just you want to do you want do you think you should be telling people what to do or not? Yep. Give voting only back to landowning males. How quick are we going to turn this country around, guys? That would make it great again.

It really would. There you go. I mean. Oh, no. I mean, it doesn't seem like that bad of an idea, right? Right? Maybe if you're a renter, you get three-fifths of a vote. Just pitching that.

I'm okay with that. Good branding. I'm okay with that. They're going to have to change the fraction to not upset. This is the seven-ninth compromise. I think we should just vote with money. Every election should be a telethon. They're buying all the ads anyway.

They're always saying, oh, we need more money to run ads. So just vote with the ads. Stack it up like Scrooge McDuck and Glomgold and whoever raised more money wins. And then take all the money and pay for all the shit you guys always want to do. Yeah. Man's got a plan. No matter who you vote in,

they all want to spend money. Like even the so-called Republicans who are like, oh yeah, all these Democrats spending so much money and then they get in power and they're like, alright, let's spend like a trillion and a half dollars and it's like, you fucking liars! We need more battleships. More battleships. liars more battleships

more battleships we need more battleships we need more entitlements and more in military and more in all of this and less in taxes all together yes it's like you can you can make a case for balancing budget but lower in taxes but you gotta cut spending otherwise it doesn't make any sense but anyway

that's not very funny so we don't have to talk about that well that sucks i hope you can find your way back on twitter another uh friend of the show here quote unquote so to speak uh anthony kumia from the opiate anthony show if you're familiar with him he got banned from twitter and then he immediately made another Twitter and I've been following it just off and on but OJ's lawyer and Anthony Cumia have been

in a Twitter spat and frankly OJ's attorney is wiping the floor because it's OJ's attorney he's a smart smart guy who like and the Opie and Anthony the subreddits I go to Oh, no. Because it's OJ's attorney. He's a smart, smart guy. And they're really good at arguing.

And the Opie and Anthony, like, the subreddits I go to, like, the most often, I think, as far as the funny ones, are Opie and Anthony is hilarious. It's, you know, it's one of the meanest places there. Like, they're just always ripping the last week fighting with this Malcolm, what's his name, Anthony. As they're like, oh, we got a tweet at fucking Malcolm. All this dirt that we have on Anthony. All this stuff that we have on him. Oh, did you know that he got arrested for this? Did you know that he did that? Did you know in 2004 he said that he thought that young girls were sexy?

Like, I'm sending all this shit. And so this Malcolm, you know, fucking attorney is just sending little quips. Like, oh, yeah, you like doing that, fucking attorney is just sending little quips like, Oh yeah, you like doing that? You like slapping your girlfriend or something like that. Oh my God. It is fucking. Yeah.

It started when, uh, as Chiz just wrote, Anthony offered to pay someone like five grand to shut down the subreddit, uh, the opiate Anthony subreddit. And of course that doesn't, that never works.

Oh, but it is a hilarious little internet feud happening right now. And I'm enjoying it. It does sound great. Oh, it's a bad decision. But it is a hilarious little internet feud happening right now, and I'm enjoying it wholeheartedly. That does sound great. It is great. Because the ONA subreddit is so brutal. They go from hating all the stuff, like Party Line or whatever. Not Party Line, because they just kind of hate whatever.

To being like, man, this guy, this OJ attorney, attorney he's a hero when you think about it he was just providing a constitutional right to someone who needed a defense you know he was like rationalizing how he's a great guy it's hilarious anybody out there listening go look up uh anthony kumi's twitter and you can find the fights between him we got a we got a subreddit like that. Somebody told me yesterday, I haven't verified if this is true or not, but they found documents from Maddox's lawsuit lawyer that he had a breathalyzer thing on his car that he had to blow into. So now they're like, look at this.

Yeah, allegedly. I didn't look into it, but they just unearthed a bunch of documents that they said they're sending me. I didn't look into it, but they just unearthed a bunch of documents that they said they're sending me. If you click on that Malcolm Laverne link that Chiz just posted, that's the name of his attorney. The guy's Twitter banner is him looking over at OJ laughing during the trial. This guy is a hoot. I fucking love this guy. Oh, yeah, I see him.

He's looking over at OJ like, that fuck. That glove didn't fit. Oh, man. I love little internet feud shit like that. Don't you participate them in Hutch on the daily? Again, I'm not on Twitter, but that's a thing that you're doing all the time?

Yes? Yeah. Did you not hear me? Oh, no. Chiz does that. Oh. Chiz and Hutch. I'll have a debate or argument with Hutch about something like once in a blue moon.

Okay. But Chiz, all the time. All the time I will pop in and see those two going at it. What are they – like, what's going – It's always like a political thing. Chiz says he's always victorious, a political thing. But Chiz is not that – Chiz was a Bernie Sanders supporter. Yeah, but when you go that far left, then Chiz is suddenly the right wing. Yes.

That's great. I need to check one out it is funny i like when uh when chis argues with anyone on twitter who's like super far to the left because chibs is way more left than me and then he'll come into our skype chat and like be sharing it with me and i'll be like god we're like really bonding right now we're really getting along like yeah the enemy of my enemy. Yeah, you found someone who's just much, much farther to the left than anyone else we know. So it's easy to bond over that. I like to pop in those and just kind of read through the back and forth. And then, of course, the fans get in on it, which is always interesting.

And then there's all these tendrils of argument where Hutch will argue with the fans for like eight or nine back and forths and then chis is like whoa get your ass back here you're you're straw man straw man like just just pages and pages of these arguments it seems like you argue with him for like two or three hours a night at least one or two nights a week uh those arguments between chis and h, they will go on a while. A while indeed. And often they end with Hutch having to like voice some sort of apology, not for his point of view, but for like letting it get that nasty.

Oh, no, don't ever apologize. Chiz goes nasty. Chiz goes hard in the paint when he argues. We've stopped talking politics with him in the show because he just goes all the way to 10. He turns it up to 11, and you're like, you know, maybe this fight's not worth it. What are you, people's lives on the line?

You're telling me Hutch is harsher? Oh, he'll sort of just be like, you know what, fuck you. Go fuck yourself with that type of thing. You know, like The debate will devolve into a bit of name calling. He'll get angry. The funniest ones to me are like,

I will make a tweet about something political or stupid out of nowhere, be like, this is ridiculous and post it and not think about it and then four hours later come back and see that immediately after Like you know hutch and shiz based on my tweet had like a three hour debate And it's like I just pissed away so much of both of your time

Six man hours Got a friend who's always sending me these facebook arguments he's got like i as i guess it's to show me what good points he's making but i go through it and it's like it's like watching two bums like eating beans out of a can on a in a garbage can fire and pretending to be like sophisticated gentlemen because these guys are like making these huge legal points with references to the supreme court and like explaining each other's hypotheses and they're on i'm like you guys are fucking arguing in the middle of the day on facebook like what do you go start go start a

family okay like you're not getting get a captain high horse something i watched you go on a live stream and argue with some dude and lose. Oh, Destiny? Yes. I got such a kick out of that. Oh, yeah. Dick, I love you. And I saw, like, they were writing. They're like, Dick did not look good in this. And I was like, well, I'm on Team Dick.

You know, I'll see for myself. Oh, that was brutal. Yeah, I know. I had no idea what that guy was about. You did, though. You seemed to, like, know his style. was brutal yeah um i know i had no idea what that guy was about you did though you seem to like know his style but i saw him on a couple like roundup videos like here's here was a here's destiny and arguing with such and such because i guess that was his thing okay and i was doing my twitter thing of making you know making fun of people which I like to do just like just being an asshole so he says well you why don't you come on and

tell me all right sure I roll out roll out of bed come into the studio was like I'm doing here and like hey what's up destiny I think you're a scumbag and you argue like a prick you don't let people get their points out. Like you just take what they say and make it something, phrase it like they said something else every time. So I think you're an asshole. Fuck you. And he goes, well, can you give me some examples of that?

And that's where I messed up. Yes. Trying to give him examples because it immediately turned into Trump. I was like, I don't know, dude. You're telling me that Trump is not, that he's talking about a judge not being in...

There was a Mexican judge and he was saying that he wouldn't be able to be impartial because he was Mexican. Yeah, I'm like, yeah, I'm Mexican. That's not a good... Of course not! What are you talking about? Of course not! I don't know how to prove this scientifically to you uh what he did is he like you'd say something he'd find one point and then like ask you to dive deeper into that and provide references or something and there's

an actual rhetorical argumentative kind of like underhanded trick is where which is what you can easily bamboozle someone in an argument if you refuse to counter their point and you always ask more questions because you're just trying to get them off the trail until you get into the point like if woody and i were talking about taxes and woody obviously knows way more than me and he would refute a point of mine instead of me coming back with another point of why it was wrong i would ask him to go deeper into his point and i continue to ask and ask and ask until he gets into a place where he's uncomfortable and I use that as a foundation of saying that everything you said up to that point is moot.

Which does not take a lot of steps with me. It's like three steps down. Yeah, I think his point was that a judge was like, I can't think of the organization, this Mexican organization that's pro immigrants. It's um it's the it's spanish for the race la rosa la rosa yeah and i said look i know i know about la rosa i live in southern california i'm half mexican i've heard of i know a lot of i know a lot of people are very passionate about it they definitely don't like trump they'll do anything to mess up his plans he's like well his particular la rosa is actually just a judge organization.

And it's not about illegal immigration. It's got the same, it's got the name, the race. Are you kidding me? So I lost it. I look like an asshole. But I did tell him that, because it's a big problem, I think, that I see more and more is like people debating like assholes like it's a sport. And treating and trying to show off because of it. Like I learned afterwards, they call it bad faith arguing.

Where you listen to, like you guys had Jordan Peterson on. Woody, I remember that you thought Jordan Peterson. But you watch Jordan Peterson on TV. Can you finish that thought? You thought, you remember that I did something. I'm curious. I remember talking about Jordan Peterson last time I was on and you saying that it was a boring

guest. That's the only thing I remember about him. I said that? I don't know. Maybe not. Okay. I don't get sued. Half a billion coming from you and me. I'll sue me. Maybe I'll be sued for the other half of that billion.

I don't remember shit. I like that thing about the Jews. So Jordan Peterson goes on TV, and every time he talks, the anchors will interrupt him and rephrase what he says in this way that makes no sense. And they'll always say, so what you're saying is, and they're saying something that he's not exactly saying. That short, blonde- haired woman in particular,

right? Yeah. She's been roasted for that. She's been, and now the, like, she's a meme, right?

You know, like there'll be him and her together and I'll be like, Hey, you know, like I think it's warm out. So what you're saying is we're burning in hell. And so what you're saying is the second half of the meme. And it's,

uh, yeah, she did not come out looking good in that. Yeah. Women like having kids. So what you're saying is that women should only have kids. It's like, uh, no, second half of the meme and it's uh yeah she did not come out looking good in that yeah women like having kids so what you're saying is that women should only have kids it's like uh no yeah like not at all and it's the it's like that that woman is the the not even the head of the beast but the tip of the iceberg it's guys like destiny doing Everybody's... A lot of people are doing it online.

I went on there to say that and I made... I looked like a jackass. But, I don't know. Maybe more people will see it because of it. I had... A lot of people came on and said that they actually... They saw that he was doing that more and more after I was on there. I remember watching it

and laughing, but also wanting to be a whisper in your ear. I'm like, no, I see what Nick's trying to say, but he's articulating it so poorly. I was in the same boat. I'm like, he's stepping into a trap. This is a trap that he's setting up. He's stepping into a trap. Yeah, snap.

Oh, and there goes his leg. He stepped into another trap. I didn't feel good about it, but, I mean, you know, don't say no. If somebody wants to fight, I'll fight them. The guy was tough, though. I'm sorry I'm talking over you, but I was thinking, and I put myself in his, like, how would I do? I'm not sure I'd do a lot better.

You know, he just always found one little point, one little opinion, and if that opinion's not backed with some, you know, decorated study out of a university suddenly it's a valid and yeah it's hard milo would have done well milo always seems to be able to quote his sources that that was his trick and then we had filthy on and filthy's like i guess he's existed in those environments in academia before and he's like it's impossible to sort of counter a guy who can reference his source and you know if you've got a half a dozen of them to pull from, you win every argument.

And that's sort of what Milo did. He would just come into these feminists' arguments or Gamergate or whatever, have a reference source. Like, actually, Myers and Briggs proved that fat people hate encourages people to lose weight, and it's a positive effect on society. And you're like, oh, well, fuck. I guess I'm wrong. Except nobody ever does that.

They don't say, I guess I'm wrong. They just say, well, moving on. Like, next topic. They're not reaching any kind of understanding. They're just showing off. You'll notice now, they don't do debates anymore, like public debates. They do forums, which are a way for everybody to sit in a chair facing the audience,

have no direct conversation with the person next to them, like a town hall, as Chiz just said. And it's like, oh, this is just a roundabout way for you sneaks to not have to actually debate your point. You can address Susie Q out there asking a question instead of the person who is diametrically opposed to everything you believe like wouldn't we all be much more interested in listening to you guys talk no because that might involve one of you being proven wrong you know and humiliated up here entirely so i watch a lot of this kind of thing this is like i don't like that format compared to regular debates at all the challenge is when you just let people go and sort of let it naturally flow, they filibuster. And I see it like Huckabee and Conway.

If they're there in person, they're fantastic. But usually when they're on the phone, they will just talk for like 14 minutes straight, run out the time, and blast their points out. And if you don't sort of moderate it in a way that takes away the back and forth, then people just filibuster and it doesn't work out. But then you just have a moderated debate, I would say. Like, don't have a moderated town hall. Have a debate with a moderator who's like, all right, well, your two minutes are up. We're going to allow Joe to respond instead of, all right, and next question here. Oh, yeah, the last question, nothing was addressed, nothing was solved, and everybody gave their totally disagreeing answers, and they didn't hash it through.

I don't like that at all. It's not entertaining. The fun of watching a debate is partially the conflict. It's interesting. I wish there were good moderators, right? I wish the moderator would for once say what the audience is saying. I wish the moderator would say, I'm sorry, Mrs. Clinton. You didn't answer any of the questions put forward. You just basically read a script that I'm sure was very well rehearsed. Kudos for that. I award you no points. In fact, we'll deduct two from Mrs. Clinton,

negative two for you, Mr. Trump. And of course, it's not a left or right thing. It's a politician on the stage thing. That's one of the things that people liked about trump so much as he didn't have for the later in the campaign he had sort of scripts that he'd sort of read from loosely if that but early on he was just kind of spitballing and they'd ask him a question and he'd just be like yeah i mean i i guess the blacks do more crime yeah sure yeah doesn't everybody think that hey i'm not wanting to question our fbi statistics abortion punish the patients right that was one that he got in trouble for for that yeah particular one um they're the ones doing it moderating super hard bill maher bill maher tried to he had a scaramucci on his show last week and they're scaramucci and then some other dude who is a

liberal i didn't know him gives scaramucci a hard time he says you know what when you were working at the White House they wanted to buy your business for 80 million dollars now you're not at the White House anymore and suddenly that deal fell through like implying that it was dirty and Bill Maher cuts him off he's like no no no look look look look look look we're not talking about that here this is not the place for it and Scaramucci didn't get a chance to answer and i think millbar was trying to change the topic and help him but what he actually did is let the accusation go out there and not the reply yeah and uh it's just hard to moderate well well i'm glad you saw that embarrassing disaster of mine woody oh yeah well you know i try to keep up with keep up with your lowest of the lows.

It made me laugh. I'll be at the trial. If you have any highs, don't call me. I got one call. I gotta figure out who it's gonna be when I go to debtor's prison. Half a billion. It better be Warren Buffett or something. Kyle, do you have anything to tell us about?

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apply. That's casper.com slash pka promo code pka at checkout for $50 toward select mattresses. Nice. Casper Mattress won't keep you up at night. I like it. I'm trying to find this guy's username that won't be to fat shame him on the show.

Oh, we were talking about fat shaming. Yeah, I've got this guy's picture. He asked me on Reddit. He's like, hey, will you fat shame me? Oh, yes. And he wanted me to fat shame him in the Reddit thread. And so I was like, yeah, fatty, fatty. You're way overweight.

It's disgusting. You need to do something about that. And if you want more, send me a photograph, and I will fat shame you live on the show next week. And sure enough – Wait. I've seen that picture before. Yeah. I tried to, like, kick this off on PKN the other day but got –

How many tits does that guy have? I've got six. Those are teats okay total recall he has six teats and he has a very fuckable belly button i if i do say so myself zoidberg body just says you sir you sir i mean this is the kind of body that makes it so that you can never enjoy the pool or the beach this is the kind of body that makes it so that you can never enjoy the pool or the beach. This is the kind of body that makes... Can you hold it up again? Yeah, absolutely.

So we can all see this as you're giving your commentary. Yeah. It is absolutely disgusting. You have to do something about this. And you look pretty short, so I don't think you've got a long way to go. I feel like if you just curtail your diet, stop eating so many pizzas and fried chicken and burgers and french fries and sodas. You wouldn't look like this. You know, when I tilt it like this, you kind of look like Jar Jar Binks.

Anyone else see Jar Jar Binks? Look at the nipples or his eyes. The belly button is like the tip of his... Oh, I see it. Oh, yeah. Mesa fat! Do you like that face recognition app? Mesa no get pussy! Bro, come on.

Look, get on a diet. I'm about to go on a little diet myself. I'm up to about 185 pounds. I'm going to slide it on down to 175 again. I'm going to do it in the course of the next three weeks. No problem. I'm going to... Here's what I'm going to eat.

Like a wheat toast with a chicken salad on top. And that'll be an entire, and I'm going to eat like five, six, seven meals a day. But my meals will consist of like half a piece of wheat toast, little chicken salad on top, spinach salads with grilled chicken in them and vinaigrette. And I'll have like six or seven servings of that throughout the day continuously. Just do that and drink lots of cold water. And you're going to lose a ton of weight really fast. You get discouraged and you think, oh, I'll find a girl who will like me for my personality.

Don't think that. They're lying. They don't want to seem vain and if you're heavy, it's a way for them to rationalize future weight gain. What you need to do is lock that down. Get in shape. I guarantee this guy's young enough that he can lose weight without having the extra skin.

Yeah. If you're young and you lose all that weight, your skin rebounds right back. And you're going to want a product called Mederma for those stretch marks. It works very well. I used to have stretch marks on where my love handles are. And Mederma is M-E-D-E-R-M-A.

You can find the stretch mark version on Amazon. It's a little expensive, but it's worth it. Put that shit on two to three times a day. Dick doesn't know, but Kyle has like a American psycho level skin regimen that he goes through every day. Hundreds of dollars of products

to keep his face looking young. Do you have it written down anywhere or is it all in your mind? It's nothing too crazy. Moisturizers, sunscreen. I like when people say that. Nothing too crazy, and then they say a lot of crazy stuff. Yeah. I like to use my Neutrogena facial bar.

I exfoliate. I use Jack Black facial moisturizer with 20 SPF every single day, every day, no matter what. Some sunscreen in case he walks to the car. A little under... The sun's terrible for you. You're going to...

All those lifeguard days are going to start paying their dividends. They are here. This is what it looks like. Oh, no. No, no, no. It's coming. It's coming. You're heading for a precipice. One day, Woody's... Whoa! Is that Woody's dad? You're going to go precipice. One day, Woody's going to be like, whoa, is that Woody's dad?

You're going to have to go from Woody to ancient Woody. It's coming. There's going to be a precipice that you fall off of. It's coming. From all that hard, all those UV rays back in the 90s when there wasn't a big hole in the ozone layer back then. That shit's healed since then. Well, I'm going to go higher. I'm going to go

above the UV layer. Get above the ozone. Get some rays. That works. So, yeah, you are a disgusting piece of shit. You definitely need to lose all that weight. I thought you were still talking about me at first. No.

Okay. He's like, oh, man, well, this is a little motivating. Dude, that's the ridiculous thing is people will be like, oh, fat shaming doesn't work. It's like, oh, yeah, shaming people out of maladaptive behavior, that doesn't work. Yeah, that's never worked at any time. It's like, are you listening to yourself? Of course it works to shame people out of bad behavior. Isn't shame kind of like up to you? Like, hey, you got so drunk you shit in your pants last night.

Like, yeah, I'll do that. That will happen. That's on you. You should have known not to let me sleep on the couch. That's what happens when I drink Cuervo. You looked like a real idiot on the internet last week. Shut up, bitch. I know it.

Shit myself every time. Yeah, it's true. That really is the perfect way to say it. Shame is internal. And so when people are, like like bitch moaning and complaining about like fat shaming it's really just a massive projection campaign of themselves because they hate themselves so much they assume everyone else is

hating them just as much when really they just see ow gross did you guys talk about the Doritos silent chips at all? The lady chips? I saw that on Twitter. I couldn't tell if it was a joke or real. Fill me in.

I've only heard about it. Doritos said they were doing a chips for ladies that don't crunch. Because ladies don't want to be crunching like beasts, like an ogre, tearing into the bones of a chicken. Is it true? Yeah. Because I also saw Doritos tweet, like, we already have chips for ladies, and they tweet their normal chips.

Oh, I got duped? That's not true? That's all I know. I'm not sure. Oh. I thought it was going to be a real thing, and then they decided not to. Because I never saw any actual pics of,

it's all bullshit, Chiz. Don't link us to that right now. I just wanted to say, I found that guy's username. He is on Reddit. He is Fagamuffin with a one instead of an I at the end of muffin.

Fagamuffin. If you want to send him some encouragement. Oh my god. If you want to send him some encouragement. Oh, my God. If you want to send him some encouragement. Just be fat Nazis and let him know that you don't want his kind. You know, they're ruining your country. And there's a final solution for them if they don't lose the weight. Yeah, man, instead of a meal, just have a cigarette.

Hey, that's not a bad idea. Not only is it an appetite suppressant, it raises your heart rate, right? Hey, look look there are so many people who smoke for decades and decades and didn't get any kind of cancer right it's not people act like cigarettes are plutonium right yeah everybody who gets exposed to plutonium gets sick right only a a handful of cigarette smokers everybody everybody smokes back in back in like the 70s and 60s and stuff, everybody was smoking. You ever see those guys in NOM? Everybody's got a pack of Luckys puffing away. They didn't all get cancer. Just maybe 5%, 10% or something like that. Just the weak ones. 5%, 10%? Where are you

getting these numbers? I think I'd be one of the weak ones. I'm making them up, David. I know. For needed purposes. Here's why I'm one of the weak ones. I used to do a lot of woodworking, and I would breathe in sawdust. And some people do that for decades and don't give a crap. I was, like, asthmatic in three months. I had to start doing better with dust collection and respirators and shit. So I think if I smoked, I'd be fucked up quickly. Weak lungs, maybe. A couple moments ago when Kyle was talking about the fat shaming,

I tweeted out on my Twitter for any fat fans to send pictures if they want to be fat shamed on the show. And here's a few fatties who really deserve it. Goodness. Fatty, fatty, boombaladdy. I got it with Mitt. That guy, Slim Daddy. Nice camera angle, Slim Daddy. Nice camera angle,

Slim Daddy. This is my nightmare come true. Looking up at you and your tit. Are you sucking his dick in this situation, Kyle? I mean... I think you might be. And how often do you dream

about sucking cock? This is the... It's a nightmare. This is the worst thing I've ever seen. You're not a bad looking guy. He would be very handsome if he had discipline. Yeah, if you lost two or three hundred... If you lost that extra person you're carrying around,

you'd be looking good. Looking fly. I can't tell if you're in a bed if you're like in a bathtub Where I think where are you Wow? Oh is he bathing? Is this a GoPro cock cam? Who's this guy with the Bob Ross tattoo on these on his arm Mountain range. Oh Is that a beautiful mountain range? Oh, it is a beautiful mountain range.

Bam cam the ginger. That was the first one that I did. That is not God's majesty that you've done on those biceps. No. You've got to lose some weight. Take off your thumb ring. Yeah, lose that thumb ring, bro. Because what is that for?

To make sure it doesn't go too far up your boyfriend's asshole? You're going to lose that inside. I'm appreciative of that, by the way. You're going to lose that appreciative of that by the way you're gonna lose that inside of a man that's that you don't need that you don't he looks a little bit i won't say it lose the thumb ring that that's that's terrible what you were oh you were gonna say something mean about somebody we know i mean potentially but but nobody that that you know maybe okay he's uh not that's not the person i believe your profile picture here cam cam the ginger yeah cam cam the ginger that's him we're giving everybody shout outs he's tweeting at me i guess yeah yeah that uh see the thing with that mountain tattoo

as dick was saying when you're overweight that looks like a sloppy bob ross everybody makes mistakes kind of thing but if you are if you were if you were in good shape that tattoo would suddenly be cool because the how cool a tattoo looks has nothing to do with the art itself it has to do with the tapestry that has been painted on it's all canvas so you can get a picture of you know one of those Calvin and Hobbes things that like dickheads put on the back of their truck where he's like peeing on something for no reason. I never understood what the joke was.

Those are cool. That picture. Stop that thing. That's the joke. Of course. We don't like Chevy. So these people all got. Yeah, we don't like those.

These people all got trashed here. Oh, we've got Evan Jinroll here. I didn't see him. So Evan, I don't know where to start. Boom, got another one goodness Evan which one are you looking at right now Evan General Patrick

Evan you are only 15 pounds away from being less fat bullshit Evan you look like a burrito you look like a burrito that I want to eat one handed because usually you know and sometimes you just ace it like I'll just eat this burrito one handed and it clumps in the ends.

It's not supposed to. He looks like a burrito that like a junior employee at Moe's made. That's their first attempt. It's all bulging at certain parts. All the chicken is clumped up at the bottom. Like like this is a travel isn't big enough to quite close around. There's a tear. I feel like bathroom deodorizer on top

of the toilet is an indicator that that fuck can seriously pollute the air. If you were my most burrito, I would have them re-roll you. From this angle, I don't know what it is, but he looks like he might be seven feet tall. And tie your

fucking pants. Nobody wants to see the under boob of your gut. I want to pull those pants up a little bit. That's a crease too far. Pull the pants up a little bit. How are we feeling about the widow's peak and the haircut? How are we feeling about that? Oh, you should go to a black barber and get that shit straightened out.

I'm okay with this guy's haircut. He's either got very long hair or he's wearing a plastic Vader helmet without the face mask. I thought he had a wig like John Travolta from Pulp Fiction on. This is Eddie Munster after ten years of Coke and Whataburger. Well, maybe not Coke. Since Coke may have kept this a little more... Royale with cheese.

Royale with cheese. Oh, a new crop of fatties came in. Let's see what... Well, hang on, hang on. If you would like to be... We're fat-shaming these people for free, of course. It's a service that we provide currently. But if you would like to be fat-shamed,

you can hop on our Patreon down below. For only $10 a month, you can submit your photograph. Quick little blurb about yourself. and we'll really have at you. This is fun. All right, here's Savannah. Sweetie, you've got to get rid of those jodhpurs. Oh, are you looking at my hats? Yeah.

Woo! You got a lady here? You got a fat lady? Sorry, you guys go ahead and talk. I'm trying to sit through and grab a piece of length. Look, nobody looks good with that shade of lipstick on unless you're Christina Ricci. Like, I don't know what you're going for there. Your hair is like crazy. Now this is just a critique on you as a person, I feel like, but here we go. Might want to change. I mean, your stomach is one shade and your face is another. Like, what happened?

Are you wearing a burka when you go out and, like, your face doesn't get any sun but the rest of you does? Like, what's going on there? You're not that fat, by the way. Yeah, this one isn't as fun because she's really not very fat at all. You know, remember how I joked that the other guy was only 15 pounds away from being a less fat person? She's 15 pounds away from being smoking. She's wearing a wedding ring as well it it's on her left uh left uh oh yeah she's got that ratio going on that if she was just a little thinner she'd be wickedly oh no chiz is right though there's a lot of ass and thighs being

compressed in those jeans like something only elon musk could figure out. Savannah, where the button right below the belt is about to burst, that's your pants crying for help, for God's sake. You can see her belly button screaming for help, for freedom. That belly button is a loaded weapon, soon to turn into a projectile if she just breathes in. And she could shoot a guy. Do you think anything fits in those pockets right now? No.

Nothing but shame. No, 0% chance. But, man, honestly, of all the pictures I've linked, I think Savannah is the closest to being thin. So far. I haven't gotten... I have to look at other ones too. Sorry Kyle, go ahead. Oh no! You're on the next guy. No, I just figured out how old Savannah is. What? How old is she? 18, right? We should move along. Oh okay. Oh she tweeted me! Oh, she tweeted me.

A lot of people tweet me pictures of wings. This guy. Oh, there we go. Big D Blake. There's the next one I linked to you. He looks young. He does. He looks very young.

Okay, never mind. For a lesbian, yeah. I think she was posting a photograph of her when she was 13. Okay, that makes me... I thought we were fat shaming a 13-year-old girl there for a moment. No, we need to wait until they're at least 14. Oh, that's another half a billion in lawsuits. We're all on the hook. No, you can't...

She literally tweeted it to me. What is that word behind the toilet? H-O-R-E? No, it's going to be hope. Hope. Ah, well... I hope I can get all the food I shoveled down my back. Maybe it is whore. She just has whore up in her house.

I hope I can get more fiber in my diet. Put this over the toilet. I like to investigate what we can see from this guy. What kind of hat is that? Duke, maybe? I think it's a Duke, maybe? All right, so that makes sense.

He's definitely a country boy. He's got those Wranglers on. He's got his matching Wrangler button-down shirt with large pockets. He has a class ring on, too. He left his masturbating lotion in the picture. He's got his class ring on. He did. He left his Nivea masturbating lotion in the picture. He's got his class ring on. He did. He left his Nivea masturbating lotion in the

picture. That's Curve cologne. Very low class. That's really gay of you to know that. I'm just saying. There's three pixels of the little

bottle down there. I couldn't have told you what that was. It's very distinctive. It's sort of a dark green semi-transparent bottle. That's Kurt. It's a little spice deodorant I do approve of because that's what I use. Yeah, I like that too. Keeps you dry. Swagger. Curtain on your showers open.

I think that's a little ghost. Close your toilet when you're not shitting, and close your shower curtain when you're not showering. It's just polite. You know? He's trying to let that shit air out both stink oh what is the little like elementary school drawing above the hope thing that's like something that you would get it like world market that like women buy where it's like live laugh love or like thing that says this is for families. I can buy better artwork with dickles. He looks like John Candy when he was 15, right?

I see that. Oh, my God, he does. You're fucking, you're John, no, no, you're not. What size are those pants? 44s? Planes, planes, automobiles. John Candy. Those pants are, I would say, yeah, I would say 40, 42, somewhere in there.

Like, he's not a complete, like, he's not a freak of nature yet. He looks like he's reasonably tall, but I can't tell based on showers. So, maybe heavier than that. I don't know. Yeah. You know those, like, that hope thing behind him and those arrows? Yeah. Like, those ridiculous art things that people put up?

He's at his mom's house. Yeah, at his mom's for sure. that he's at his mom's house i yeah at his mom's for sure i noticed that at my aunt's house when i went there for christmas this year that she had like seven of those like wooden plaques that they put around everywhere but every one of them was wine related they were all like it's all family here as long as we have one hey it's Wednesday night wine night and like live laugh love you know my favorites Merlot like just all this stuff about wine and I was like god I think my aunt might have a problem you know like there we have someone into a pillow on our throw cushion you know

wines for family time like that kind of shit not Not ideal. Too much alcohol or just a terrible decorator? What is the problem here? Oh, here's another good one. What the fuck did this guy do? I think it's a picture of him passed out in the bathtub with a rocky shirt on. He looks like Jesus Christ. What's this guy's name?

HeartTongue underscore 77. Your shower is filthy. You have the lowest class of shower that exists. It's got that metal rail on top. Oh, yeah. In a walk-in. You're not supposed to have that in a tub one.

You're not supposed to have that outside of small European countries. You've got... I see you're running low on shampoo. You've got it turned upside down over there. Which makes sense, because that is one hell of a head of hair you have there. Christ himself would be envious. He looks like Post Malone before he got any tattoos.

I think he looks better than Post Malone. Post Malone's fucking ugly. Post Malone honestly is one of the ugliest people on the planet. But his Twitter feed, he seems like a very likable guy. So I give him a pass. As though he's waiting for my pass. This is like tub Christ gone amok. Like he's grown to fill the entire tub. This is what happens with a goldfish when you take it home from the fair and you don't take it out of that bag.

This is a loaf of a man. This is what a man looks like. We've successfully bred a human and a loaf. And is what a man looks like. We've successfully bred a human and a loaf. And this is what he looks like. He could be 6'5". Or that's a very small tub. I mean, he doesn't even fit in sideways. Yeah, it might be.

I think it's a big boy. He looks like he's got a sense of humor, too. I've seen his profile picture. He's got an AR-15 and a big American flag shirt. So, you're not that fat, but you are fat. Yeah, he's got an AR-15 and a big American flag shirt so you're not that fat but you are fat yeah he's pretty fat but that's not an insurmountable amount of fat

no that's like yeah in a year he'd be a totally different person oh another guy giving us a good one I'm getting way more tweets about this than I thought I would oh of course and this gentleman was courteous one. I'm getting way more tweets about this than I thought I would. Oh, of course. Yeah. And this

gentleman was courteous enough to give a full body picture. Oh, that's a big cock. I just want to see how Woody would react. Really? I'm already on the pic. Where? I mean, I'm zooming in, doing what I can. This guy's pants are also screaming for mercy.

No need for a belt in your life, I see. Yeah, this guy has not admitted to himself that he's moved up a pant size. Correctamundo. You know who those pants might fit, though? That girl from earlier. This account has no followers, no following, and one tweet. So it might not be. Just a brand new account he made.

Yeah, this might be terrorism. This might be like, he's just like, I'm going to put Dave's picture online. They're going to fuck him up. He's got the budding breasts of a teenage girl just coming into womanhood on a fully grown man. That's awesome. Those puffy nipples.

Man or woman, everyone's had at least one pair of jugs. I want to tweak them. I'll tell you what, though. That's more like a trail of tears. He has what I consider to be the almost ideal body hair right you know like like if he were thin then he would be a handsome guy he'd be wealthy if he were fit he'd have to put together yeah yeah definitely like yeah for sure when i was young my hair grew around my nipples in these like sunflower pattern.

And regardless of how fit you were, if you just let that go, it's not the hair pattern you're going for. Get a razor, Woody. Good lord. Oh, believe me. Yeah. Yeah. I know. And I'm not sure razor is what you want because then there's this double phase.

What you really want to do is trim it in such a way that it's hardly noticeable, but you're not fake about it. I use the razor on my nipples because if you ever fuck up with the trimmer, you ing your nipple, then you can't wear a shirt for a week. Then you've got band-aids with Neosporin on your nipples. Wait, you shave your nipples? Yeah, absolutely. See, I used to do that.

What do you mean, absolutely? Yeah, let's go into this. I mean, it's not even a second thought. I don't want hair on my nipples. Why? I don't know. I just don't. I've got so much hair on my nipples.

Yeah, well, you don't have much of a choice, do you? He would just have bald spots in his nipple. That's exactly what you read. You took the words out of my mouth. Because I've done that before where I'm like, I don't like long i'm like hairy i am everywhere i'll just shave my nipples and so i've done that before and i remember the first time i did it i was like maybe 18 or 19 like before i was going to a friend's pool thing and i was like all right let's let's get these nipple things under control that's what you want to do it like like last second. And so I like shaved around it.

And I was like, I don't know if that's enough. And so I did a little more. And then I did the other one. And I was like, well, there's a little more over here. So I had to keep evening it out. And I am a very, very hairy man. And so I just looked like just a surprised owl on my torso. Just big white nipples living on Hair Island.

Just nothing is around it. And God god i looked like such a fucking fool i was so embarrassed that day and so i don't shave my chest i don't shave anything but parts of my face and then a courteous amount amount around my genitals i don't do the whole shave thing because then once again i'm so hairy it just looks like this is this is weird i bought a beard it's like the line between when i shave down there when i shave it all and the hair is like when you stay on the furthest you know east side of a haitian resort and you can see into the nonsense area over there where it's all ridiculous and you're in the clean area and so it just it i don't know too much it's like when the when the river the fresh water meets the ocean i got the same pube problem as you like i was just i tried it a couple times cutting it down like this is it looks this looks ridiculous because the hair is going all

the way down at a normal rate like this just looks like i cut out like a disneyland strip at the top for families to walk on this is a joke i've turned my dick into a joke it looks it looks awful like i'm sure you get the same thing dick if i don't shave my neck it just grows into my chest hair well i've got like the mexican facial hair so it always looks like um who's that the machete who is that guy oh danny trejo yeah it always looks like danny trejo like never here never here never here we've all got the exact same woolly woolly facial pattern i mean you don't you don't really give off a half mexican look i say that as a compliment i know then fuck you keep them out yeah i get more dirty jew vibe from you, Dick. Take that as a compliment.

I love hearing about white people's skin problems, like you got Kyler regimens, because I just have a greasy, oily canvas wrapped around my body. That's good. You age slower if you have oily skin. I have very oily skin, especially when I was younger. It would just be an oil slick. And there's a lot of products that go into keeping that in order as well. You know what? It ages you quickly

smoking. I don't think I need to smoke, though. It depends. It depends how you smoke. I don't smoke. You certainly did for a while. Yeah. I certainly did, but I had a method. I wouldn't allow the smoke

to go onto my face. Wow, that's long lady cigarette holders. Like your fucking Cruella de Vil. With a hat with a veil on it. Absolutely. Your beekeeper's outfit. Yeah, absolutely. I am vain enough that when I was smoking i would be like oh well let's let's

not allow the smoke to like like in movies you'll see guys with like like their faces just covered in it it's like boiling up over their faces they're smoking like no get that get that away for me i don't know at least you look cool smoking Oh. Those little fans. That thing that, like, fucking moms bring to swim meets. You know, just put it up there. God damn. Actually, guys, I smoke in my asshole, so I don't get the smoke right near my face.

I do all my nicotine intra-anally. You think that would work? Well, yeah, you just take one of those out of your pouch, and you just put it right near my face. I do all my nicotine intra-anally. You think that would work? Well, yeah. You just take one of those in your pouch, and you just put it right in your asshole. Right up there, huh? I know when I played hockey, I had friends who were like 15 or some shit,

and they'd be like, oh, I'll get in trouble from coach if I have dip in when I'm out there skating. And so I pack it around my toes. I was always like, what? And they're like, yeah so I pack it around my toes. I was always like, what? And they're like, yeah, I pack dip around my toes. So I'm like, Jared, show me. This is before a game. I'm like, show me what you mean.

I'm 15. I don't know. I've never dipped before. And they apparently loved it. And so he was like, yeah, I just go like this. And he took his bare fucking foot out, put it on the floor of this dirty ass hockey locker room if you've ever played hockey it's the dirtiest sport on the planet it smells rancid it's indoors but people think they can spit yeah and i i'm guilty

i spit too and he took like half a tin half a can container of dip and like started like putting it around his feet like he was that guy on youtube prehistoric technology like making a brick and he was putting it on his feet and i'm like yeah how are you gonna get it in there and he's like well i gotta put my sock on first so he pulled his sock over this barefoot on a hockey locker room thing already it's mushed all over the place it is it is a dirty mess it looks like he has orc blood and someone cut his foot and then he pushes it into his his skate fucking skate and proceeded to play the whole game and like he played defense and so like i i played goalie he played defense and so i like he'd like skate back and i'd be like jared like what you still have all that shit in your your

skate he's like yeah man like i'm buzzin' hard. And I'm like, Why do you do these things? Like, Just get drunk like the other kids. I kinda wanna do this now. Like, this sounds like a way to get nicotine. What do you, like, get foot cancer? Get toe cancer? I don't think so. Probably.

No. Why would your toes be so much different than your lip? Ah, they're hardy. They are hardy! You have that thin membrane. Yeah, you got ten of them, too. Yeah, you lose one or two, no big deal. Jared went to prison five years later when we were 20 for selling large amounts of heroin. So you had the chance. I had the chance to get in on the ground level, ride him to the tippity top, and I, and I,

I frittered away. Was he smuggling the heroin like that with his feet, like walking around with stilts on? Like, believe it or not, after we finished playing on the same team, I didn't keep in contact until, like, I came back from college once, my mom's like, do you remember, do you remember Jared Atkinson? You played hockey with him? I'm with him like oh yeah the guy put dip in his skates and he's like he's he was arrested he's gonna be in prison for seven years and i was like oh christ you know here with lettuce jones i guess you know that's absurd i've never heard anything like that like i know people put stuff in their butts right because it's got a similar membrane to your mouth it's You can absorb things through that.

I definitely heard about people butt-chugging, pouring alcohol into their assholes, which is very dangerous. You can die of that. Although, the upside is you don't vomit, right? I guess you just blow alcohol out your asshole, which seems better. That just seems... People do it in a

party environment, right? That's very embarrassing to me oh come on get with the times woody everybody's doing it i love that everyone i doubt anyone is doing it samantha does it samantha loves it i know a guy who would do it every year that was like his yearly tradition and no one wanted him to do it like Like, not in a... Not in a please don't do it, but just like, yeah, he's doing that gross thing that he has to do every year. Oh, you didn't even clean the funnel off from last

time. Look at that. What a mess. And then I know people blow cocaine up people's assholes and that definitely... Is this a two-man operation to blow cocaine up someone? Hopefully there's a woman involved with it.

You got like a goofy straw? It's a co-ed thing. Yeah, you blow the cocaine up a girl's asshole and then you fuck it. Really? Yeah. It seems like a perfectly good or a waste of perfectly good cocaine.

Well, she's going to get high, and there's a numbing effect. Does she get high from being in her asshole, or does it just make her ass numb? Both. I don't know. This might be a little weird. And I would imagine that if you're raw-dogging her, you get high, too.

From what? Unless you have little cuts all over your dick. That coke's going right in your pee hole. Pee hole full of coke. That would take a lot of coke, right? Ah, come on. If we're blowing coke up assholes, we're going full hog. You know, give me it.

Yeah, come on. Plenty of it. Yeah. I don't know what coke comes in. A teaspoon. You probably don't start there. You've probably done a little bit before you get into the blowing up the asshole. That's how a drug dealer would be like, fuck off. Like, could I have a teaspoon of cocaine, please? Who the fuck are you?

I know you're not a cop. The amount that you would find in a pixie stick? Like, I don't know the metrics. I'm pretty sure they use the metric system. I'm pretty sure they use the metric system but there's this drug and asshole talk is reminding me and I know you've all seen this because it's like one of those horrible porn I know Kyle has for sure it's like a gif

or something of this woman who has like a PVC pipe or a clear pipe that goes into her vagina and then she's smoking marijuana they pour water in her pussy as she's sitting there gay for it. And she uses her pussy like a bong and smokes weed out of it. Like a gravity bong.

You know what I'm talking about? Other people use her as a bong too? Just find that for us. Can you pull that up? That is a bad ass ingenuity right there. She used her pussy as a water bong? Yeah. I hope it doesn't get burnt.

Is she using it as a gravity bong? When she lifts, is she toking on it to make it bubble or does she lift to make it draw smoke? No, it wasn't her smoking it. A dude was down there between her legs smoking her pussy bong. Actually, now that you mention it,

I have seen that before. You see? I'm an internet veteran. She is like, I'll let Kyle find it. I'm like, alright, so what do I search, right? Pussy bong. Yeah, pussy bong. And the creativity with just consuming

drugs and alcohol, I think I will never understand. I need it right now. Easy to do, and a lot of it my friend had the greatest idea you've heard this term before a idea and uh basically what you do is you it's like a macgyver website i think i mentioned it before you you're like all right i've got a pen a salt shaker and uh i don't know a bag of doritos can i make a bong with that and then like it'll take those ingredients and be like, oh, you're just

one thimble away from a carbureted bong. Do you have that? And yeah, it would help you. Their idea was basically a MacGyver bong. See, like, alcohol, just drink it in your mouth hole, and weed,

if you smoke pot, I feel like just smoke it the regular way right this is great this is fucking great i found a great video i'm so proud of you or do edibles man those are those are great now that it's legal california oh baby i've been and i did those in uh in colorado when we were there the other year. I've never done them, but everything I read says that is not the place to start. No, dude, look. New Year's Day, I went out with a friend, and we did completely the wrong amount of edibles

and spent like six hours in a hellish state of introspection, comatose on the floor. They are warning you absolutely correctly, but if you start, if you read the package and you don't pay attention to the stupid pink-haired spiteful wench who's running the pot store and just read the back of it

to see how much you should take, they're totally safe. You just take a little bit. That's the problem with edibles. They don't come in human-sized portions. Who's like, you know what? I could go over a snack right now. Can I have one sixteenth of a brownie?

Oh, wait. Kyle, can we rewind it and watch this together? Yeah. Or is it worth it? The end is a real fucking surprise, I thought. Well, what time do we need to start at? Let's start at just two minutes flat.

I can't show it. I guess you can react to it. Oh, no. We all have to react to it. Yeah, yeah. Start at two minutes and you'll get the full gist of it while skipping two minutes of set up and smoking. You still got the gist. Oh, you haven't.

Okay, well I'm, uh, will you count us down, Kyle? Three, two, one, play. Getting a nice hit right out of the pussy. Oh, that's dangerous. That lighter is in a sensitive spot. I'm glad they don't show her face. Oh, never mind. Sunglasses. Yeah, I got it.

Wanted to use my imagination. Oh. Wait for it. Wait for it. Wait for it. Bong water's coming out of her. Wait for it. Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Jesus Christ. Oh, God. I'm going to throw up. She squirted the bong water out of her vagina, and it was quite forceful.

And, yeah, if you want to watch this video, it's called Pussy Bong. But don't watch it. It's on xnxx.com. 193,000 views. Her pussy looked like when you fall on asphalt, and the cut is all got those black rocks in it. Yeah, she had burnt marijuana all over her ass. Well, that's a shame. You know whose perspective we're not getting in this?

How fucking horrible that bong hit must have tasted coming out of this lady's pussy. It probably tasted like pennies. Or fish. Yeah, pennies and salmon like mish together. See, this is a... If I were to do drugs, I think I'd do it the other way.

Not out of a pussy? Just not out of a pussy. Any other way. Not out of a pussy? Just not out of a pussy. Any other way. Well, you could either stuff it into your ice skate, or you could smoke it out of that girl's pussy. Skates or hockey skate. Someone has to have an apple. That's fucked.

I don't like that at all. I would not. the apple bond saying i wouldn't i wouldn't smoke anything out of a woman's fucking pussy or asshole like there's no reason to bring pussies and assholes into paraphernalia i mean what if you had to like if there was i don't know if i would give up drinking if i had to drink every drink up my ass but if dick if you had to drink all of your drinks out of a girl's clam how would you feel about that i would like that less yeah because then they're gonna trick me into eating them out like yeah no no no no no i just

wanted to drink get the hell out of here i don't do that no you really don't eat pussy? No, of course not. No, no, I do. I do. I do. I do. Yeah, I could. God, that's fucking gross. They have different ideas about things. Yeah. If you ever run into a guy who says, I don't eat pussy, or a girl who says, I don't suck dick, you've run into a boring loser. Or a liar. That's also

an option. Like, everybody does that shit. Right? I would hope so. Does. Everybody does that shit. Right? I would hope so. Does anybody not do that shit? If you started dating a girl and two dates in, she's like, oh, I don't suck dick. Would you have a conversation?

Would it be alright? Well, it was good getting to know you a bit. This is the end of the road. Yes, you are a study buddy at most. Do you lick balls? I'll take that as a handy second. I think I would prefer to have my balls licked. Have you heard of a rusty trombone?

Because we can work around this limitation. I wouldn't even believe a guy who said it. I don't suck dick. You just never had enough offers. That's why. Because nobody's ever tried to get you to suck their dick. If a guy was properly motivated and you had to be around him all the time and he was asking you like three or four times a day,

I think that you would eventually do it. Is this a prison scenario that we're talking about? Yeah, this is like Oz, where right after you get the swastika tattoo, asshole adjacent, you have to suck that Nazi's dick. Yeah, fine. If you just stop reading Mein Kampf all night, you're keeping me up. Your goddamn heel clicks at 3 a.m.

But Kyle, you were saying you'd rather get your balls sucked than your dick sucked? Yeah, I think so. Yeah. That can't be true. Yeah, I really enjoy that. I mean, I think we all enjoy it, but... And then I learned the magic of it. I was shown the magic of it. I was shown the magic of it.

I get what you're saying. Yeah, because I could sort of jerk off while she licks my balls, and I think I prefer that to just getting my dick sucked. You don't like the switching around? Her sucking on your balls and sucking on your dick? I do, I do, but whenever she goes down to the balls,

I'm like, yes. The mechanics of exactly what she's doing is all secondary to the enthusiasm that she's showing. That's true. How good a blowjob is is 80% tethered to how into it she is. I want 30% fear,

30% regret, and 40% expectations of getting paid. That's the... You really are Patrick Bateman. That look in her eye where she's looking forward to getting that 20 spot, right? 20 spot? You're going to the high class corners. Yes, this is an expensive ball job.

No, enthusiasm. What if she goes a little down, a little further on you, Kyle? What if she goes to your asshole? How do you feel about that? She starts looking around your butt. she gets 40 now she gets 40 absolutely yes we'll we'll step up her payment quite a bit yeah big fan of that yeah you can lick all the things right you can lick my lick my toes if you want to you can stick your tongue in my ear they're dirty you know get in there oh yeah i didn't clean them out for three days waiting

on you get over here ah yeah get in there deep. Taste my brain. If post-courtes she's not washing her hands vigorously, then she wasn't trying. Look at the look on Dick's face. Not your ear, bro. That's how you get an infection. As soon as they deviate

from the groin area, I'm like, what are you doing? Get back here. I want to reel him back in. Some people do the opposite. They push him on down in certain

scenarios I've heard. No. He's going to the bottom. Oh, to the asshole. Yes yes yes i mean that's fine but toes are pretty horrible i've never had my toes sucked i feel like it would tickle and i'd want to kick whoever was doing it yeah and same thing with ears like you can tell like when a girl's like really enjoying licking or like doing something to your ear nibbling or whatever like she's like thinking like oh i like this so he must think it's hot but really i'm sitting there like like trying not to laugh really hard right

you eventually just be like oh i'm gonna you know throw you into a different position yeah that's me being masculine not me about to crack up i was just trying to stay hard yeah i was completely joking so hard to stay hard while you're laughing. Borderline impossible. I was completely joking about her licking the inside of my ear, but it'd be okay if she wants to nibble the earlobe and stuff. That's fun. That doesn't make me laugh. I'm not that ticklish.

I'm pretty ticklish in a couple areas. Ears and toes. So no. I'm down for everything. I'm not really a foot guy one of the issues is like look i can anticipate a lot coming right you know if we know this so i will make sure that i am prepared for all kinds of attention but toes is not in my regimen if she were to somehow get down to her toes it's like you know i think my butt's cleaner than my toes

right now yeah yeah yeah yeah there's nothing that makes you start to feel more self-conscious than when you notice a girl moving down towards your toes, and you're like, oh, no. I haven't paid attention to that quadrant of my body. I walk into Walmart barefooted today. Oh, God. Something sticky in the parking lot and all of that rubber wheel dust. They're black as night down there.

Black as night. Just didn't see that coming. You get that gristly, sandy feeling of walking barefoot in a Chuck E. Cheese. Yeah, you ever walk barefoot in a grocery store when you're a little kid? Yeah. So the reason that your feet turn black, in case it didn't already come to you, is that the hard rubber wheels of all the carts are constantly making friction and like tiny particulates of them are falling off but they're they're so they're so small you don't see them but if you're walking on

that bare foot over the course of like you know a full shopping trip you look at the bottom of your feet and they are just black i remember when i was like maybe four years old five years old like whatever i got out of the shopping cart and like walked around getting some fruit by the foot or some gushers or something and like getting home it was like oh my god what happened it's completely filthy but i think you're a very conscientious five-year-old oh what's this mess yeah notice when your feet turn black so what's is it ever gonna go back to normal but but yeah if you're I'm not a big fan of getting my feet licked, but it's definitely happened before. And the funny part to me was that my feet were filthy.

Was that your feet were filthy? Yeah, of course. I didn't wash my feet. I've been walking around barefooted all day. Get some of that. It's funny. Is that what they want? Like, is that a secret?

Right? Like, if a girl goes down if your girl starts sucking toes and they're clean this is your less of a man she wants that dirty man feet you're walking around brush their dick masterson i believe that most of them would prefer clean feet i'd call me crazy but that's my prediction if they're into licking feet so you've got you've got a couple of different diagrams that you're taking these women from. If we're just going with all females, very few of them

want to lick a dirty foot. However, we're going down to the diagram of women who want to lick feet. A much larger percentage of women who want to lick feet also want to lick dirty feet. Yes. I don't want the kind of woman who wants to lick feet, also want to lick dirty feet. Hmm.

Yes. I don't want the kind of woman who wants to lick my dirty feet because I wouldn't be able to sit there. You know what I mean? You wouldn't be able to sit there and enjoy it even if you weren't tickled by it. You'd be like, oh, gross. What the fuck?

What are you doing down there? You get your whole foot wet with saliva and then you just mush it all over her face. It just becomes that nasty paste. Like a slurry. A slurry. And you can't stop thinking about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. No.

This is like the Foot Clan now. I sing the theme song the whole time. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Oh, that's good. And you do it in beat as you're like slapping her head. Turtle power. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Slapping her fucking forehead with your dirty ass sticky feet.

With a bandana on. I need this part of it. It's the only thing that gets me through. Oh yeah, call me Donatello. I didn't know what the katana was going to be for. Put the splitter mask back on. Put it back on. Eat the pizza.

Baby, I'm Rubik's Cube. Tell me I'm Rubik's Cube. It's times like this that I remember my mother watches the show. Every once in a while, my mom or dad will be like, oh, I was listening to this because my dad texted me the other week and he was like, Arian Foster, huh? That's

awesome. And I'm just like, oh, no. Like, what did I say that episode? My mom will be like, I listen to the show sometimes. It's very dirty. And it's like, I know, mom, it's not meant for fun. It's very dirty. And it's like, I know mom, it's not meant for you. It's all right.

But Woody's parents are your mom. Genuinely listens to every one of them. She does. Yeah. She, she watches most of them all the way through. Sometimes she'll look at the description and pick off her favorite topics, but yeah,

she's one of the viewers. She's not a Patreon though. So on PKN, you can now, she's getting getting i might just have gotten her to join i might have blown it come on sign up all right not only do you get to watch an extra hour of your of your your son who you abuse so horribly as a child but you also you know if you ever have someone that you want fat shamed we're here for you and And that's how we're going to facilitate that from now on. All of our $10 Patreons, you send us in a photograph, a little blurb about yourself.

If she becomes a $50 a month patron, I'll become a Christian for her. Is it worth $50 a month to save my soul? I don't know. You be the judge. I have a hard time calling home. Not so much my mother but my father is a hardcore religious person and he pretty much has jesus tourettes right like you can't have any conversation with him any topic without it circling back to god stuff you know i i we were

talking about right i was like hey you know so what are you doing lately so i'm riding my bike it's my time to commune with God. And every topic circles right back to the God stuff. And it is, honestly, it's getting to be a bit of an obstacle in my relationship with him. It's just too much God stuff. Too, too much. Does he have any God tattoos? Like a Bible verse on his ribs or something like that?

No. I should suggest that to him. But no. Yeah. verse on his ribs or something like that no i should suggest that to him but no yeah he just he studied he goes to bible school three times a week but only because he can't find four of them that's his thing oh it's a lot of god and i was gonna say i'd rather go to the dmv but i i just realized no i'd rather go to bible study than the dmv for sure but i find it so exhausting to have to pay attention to the stories they tell in like church or bible study that have no arc like i would rather sit and listen to nothing but while they're doing their sermons i don't gonna go to church regularly last time i went was when my nephew got baptized and the dude was telling her the priest

was telling a story and afterwards i just i looked at my sister and I'm like, I don't think there was a point to that story. Like there was no setup or there was nothing happened to anybody. It was just kind of a list of something that happened to the guy. This is driving me insane. I got to get out of here. Yeah, they're not funny. Honestly, like those Bible tales, when you hear them from a priest or a pastor, it's the same way you feel when like a woman is telling you a story, where you know the whole time, at no point is it going to be funny, at no point will a witty anecdote that's tangential to the main story be added as a B-plot.

I know they're going to say a name and then explain me who the name is for the 10 millionth time, yeah? Yes. You know exactly what it's going to be, and at the end, you still can't help but be disappointed. You go into it with no expectations, and you're let down. And this is how women tell stories in your world. Yes. Yes, all the time.

Oh, in every world. I mean, listen to a woman tell a story and tell me it was entertaining. I found out when my parents listened to the show. And this isn't a hard and fast rule. There are women who can tell funny stories. But it's such an encompassing rule in its own way. Where you'll be sitting with friends, drinking or whatever, and your guy friends are telling stories. And the rule with guy friend stories is if I finish telling a story and nobody is laughing or didn't didn't enjoy it i feel like oh you stupid

jackass you wasted everybody's time oh you i'm humiliated but a woman will finish her story and be like and then samantha ended up buying the hat and it's like and that's that's it she doesn't even expect you to laugh she doesn't expect you to say anything she just that she's throwing out there and it's like god damn it that's obnoxious sorry your one dollar mic stand just rang like a guitar i guess i got this from uh oh then we were gonna talk about this so like you see it woody and kyle had those really nice booms uh kyle linked me one that was four or 13.99 straight from China. Yeah, I got a bunch of those.

The box that it showed up in had no instructions. It had whatever label is newer. Newer, yeah. Yeah, newer with two E's. That logo was not on the box I received. So I don't know what what if they just put different products you know in a different box and the instructions on the back were a jpeg image that was clearly copy pasted from like some software onto there and it was so pixelated that you couldn't see what was happening how it was supposed to tell you to do it it was just

pixelated pictures of a little Chinese hand holding this and then pointing and then just a bunch of those little ridiculous Chinese letters that they have. It didn't help at all. Thankfully, there's one moving piece and I'm pretty sure it broke. Already got an upgrade to the road.

You'll love it. The road? The road is what I used to have. I think it's what Kyle has now. Is that really what you... R-H-O-D-E? R-O-D-E. But it's an O with a line through it, like no smoking. Yeah, it's like $75, I think.

Oh, I should have just sprung for that instead of this. I told you. Are we going to cover Kyle eats something bad? Oh, yes. These are Chinese donuts. These are fucking incredible um i've been eating these several times a week look at that look at that that is covered in sugar that's all sugar right there it's they are oh they're chewy and they're warm they're really warm when they show up and And they're dense, though.

A lot of calories in there. We've all had Chinese donuts. I've never had Chinese donuts. There you go. Is it just a hole? It's actually got a bone inside it. We're actually explaining common shit. They're covered in sugar.

Not everyone has had a Chinese donut. I had never had Chinese donuts before I started getting them from this place. They're just donut holes. Oh, yeah. They're so good. Okay. It's because China doesn't want to waste the hole with the regular donut. They just do all the holes.

That's also why they're thinner. I don't think actual Chinese people eat these. Oh, they wouldn't name them that if they didn't. No. Got me there. Do you guys want to do this thing? I'll link the image again. I saw it on Reddit

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by going to MVMT.com slash PKA. Go to Movement.com slash PKA. Join the Movement. Link down below. Movement watches. Check them out look good a step above yeah i i hopped on um i was playing fallout last night and my buddy middy smitty steamed me steam messaged me he was like he was like uh wings is having a a meltdown on stream

he's uh he's he's talking about all these uh these channels that are that are making fun of them and stuff so I pop in there So how did you pop in? Did you join him on Skype? How's that accomplished? So I just went to his Twitch Started watching his stream And I watched for a couple hours or something like that And he was arguing with some guy who was just trolling him really

The guy was just calling him fat and stuff And saying he was lazy and shit on his fans and stuff who didn't donate enough money or whatever and wings was defending himself really well i thought and uh and kind of uh showed that guy who was boss and i it just seemed like it was not going anywhere he had like maybe 400 viewers in there 500 and uh and i messaged i was like hey look let's stop talking about this bullshit. Let's play some fucking PUBG. And I'll hop in there. So I hopped in his Discord. And we played PUBG until like 6.30 a.m. or something like that.

I played all night with Wings. And Spider Pig and Xbox, boy, I can't think of your real name, hopped in there. Our $50 level patrons, they hopped in there. Our $50 level patrons, they hopped in there and they get into a bidding war. They each start throwing $100 bills back and forth. Before you knew it, Wings had made like $1,500.

I think it was his best stream ever. He got a ton of subscriptions, a ton of bits. I think I sent him 10 bits. I think Chiz sent him like $25 or 25 bits or something. He had an awesome stream. It was fun. I had a good time playing with Wings last night.

We played PUBG all night. Did you guys talk about anything outside of the game, or was it all just game talk? You know, call-outs and... No, I think the only thing, he was like, he blamed me for the prevalence of these hate channels and i was like look into something i i don't know about that because you're trying to do what's a hate channel

that is true those uh those definitely predate you know me asking for any videos to be to be made or anything like that and they do and uh you know i only real quick let me jump in so wings struggle with his weight Kyle asked that a fan make a fan video of all of his rage moments Synced up to hurt by Johnny Cash right yeah Some perceived to be like a call for hate He had a weight problem. How big are his wings? They would have to be pretty big. 120 pounds each.

Something like that. He's a big boy. But yeah, I wouldn't say I shouted out his hate channels, but what I did do was mention the fact that he shouts them out. And he does. And I think that's his biggest mistake. You've got to ignore those people

and not give them You know not give them shout outs, but he does it so I felt like I could do it Yeah It's real interesting to see the difference between people who are okay with getting made fun of and people who are obviously not Pretending that they are okay with getting me like I love it. I absolutely love getting made fun of like this Can't you guys understand that? I i love that i have a small dick i tell everybody all right did he do that i don't think wings pretends that he's okay with being made fun of i you know he pretty clearly says he wishes it would stop um i mean i wish it would stop. I mean, I wish it would rain chocolate. You can't always have what you want, man.

Life's life. But yeah, I'll say, as I've always said, I don't hate wings. I like wings, and I really enjoy playing with them. And I'll hop on there and play with them again sometime. It'll be fun. Did he have PUBG experience? I didn't know.

A little bit. His hands go numb apparently when he does mouse and keyboard. So he's not great. But he, you know... Not with numb hands. But, you know, I'm okay at the game. I got several kills every game.

And the other two guys who were playing with us were pretty good, so we did we did fine We never won one, but oh, this is a really funny video. It's like 30 seconds if you want to watch this Yeah, let's let's watch this. This is from the stream last night. I'm driving the I'm driving the car to set this up and What you have to keep in mind is if you press F F is the interact key and It'll make you it's what you use to enter vehicles, and it's what you use to keep in mind is if you press F, F is the interact key. And it's what you use to enter vehicles and it's what you use to exit vehicles. So that's enough setup, I think. Ready, set, play.

I like this truck. It's a truck that says Happy Camper on the dashboard. Feeling good about this. I'm not. The license plate says Press F to honk Yeah Do not press F

The other guy told him that You could honk the horn from the passenger seat if you pressed F And he jumped out of the car Going 40 miles an hour And crashed under the asphalt. And he took it well. He took it really well, I thought. I was worried he was going to rage on that guy,

but he didn't get mad at me. He laughed it off, and it went really well. We talked about that time that you went into the spawn point, Taylor, in Modern Warfare 2. You mean seven years ago? He remembers it so well. He's like, I took that motherfucker off my friends list. Fuck him.

Fuck that motherfucker. No, it wasn't the first time I played with Woody or you, but it was the first time I played with Wings. I guess I made a grievous mistake. That's a very selfish play style you have there. You ruined it. I'm not completely over you.

I'm not talking about shit that happened seven years ago. Esports is turning into high school sports. You remember that one time when you caused me a touchdown when we were playing Burroughs High in a championship? Yeah, man, I fucking remember that. I'm 37 now. Yeah, you're still living in those glory days, buddy. That's going to be the Springsteen song

of the next generation. What, you wanted to do this animal thing? I like it. Yeah, I got it pulled up on my page as well. I've got the animal thing pulled up, but I saw this and I was thinking about it. We have to get rid of the hunter if we're going to do it honestly.

Really? Because you have to pick the hunter in your decision. Otherwise, he will just shoot you right away. So I think the only fair way to do it is to get rid of the hunter. Because otherwise, it's like deciding half of it for you. I hear you. It's really tough for me. Because I'll ask you, don't 10,000 rats take out a hunter?

Not before the hunter shoots you in the head and then therein lies the problem you know like are we in an octagon where everyone's kind of tight together or are they approaching like you know armies before history across other sides of the field where you see them on the mountaintop and you're on the mountaintop and you meet in a valley or something like that the environment matters because if we're in the octagon i think 10 000 rats create a big problem for a hunter oh yeah keep your feet moving right keep doing some sort of like stomping motion but if the one slip if the rest are coming for you then as soon as it happens that hunter has no you know will to live he's just gonna blast you right in the chest and it's over so like if we're gonna do this i feel like you gotta get rid of the hunter one and even then there's still eight choices and i don't know if there's an option there that you can actually win

this fight i don't know if you can yeah and i feel like there's a rock paper scissors thing happening here but i haven't quite figured out which is which right like do 50 of those what is that an eagle of some yeah eagle take out 10,000 rats that's a lot of rats per eagle not before you're long gone yeah see you like okay so we're assuming no hunter here just the other eight you have to choose 10,000 rats because that's going to be your wall right your infantry that's going to help you know uh protect you a bit you know they can flank around think about how many rats 10 000 is that's like you don't have to think about it because it's that's a number 10 000 it's that many oh now i get it it's that many rats i don't even know how

many rats that is that's a lot of rats you figure four per foot per square foot that's a lot of rats. You figure four per foot, per square foot? That's a lot. Maybe 2,500 square feet? That's like the size of my barn. I saw most people saying like, oh, 10,000 rats. And to be fair, the people on the PKA Reddit were assuming the hunter was part of it and were not. But they were all saying the 50 eagles and the 10,000 rats. But how is that going to get – how are those eagles or rats going to damage 10 crocodiles? Yeah, eagles are way overrated.

Like, look, imagine you're anywhere, right, in Kyle's backyard, and you see three bears. There's a huge problem. As a matter of fact, you're subconsciously keeping an eye out just for lions or whatever. Do you even look for eagles? If you see an eagle overhead, are you concerned about an eagle there's a reason that people don't give a fuck about every bird to have ever birded during the time that humans have been humans because they don't present any damage any danger there's no trouble to them i guess in theory if what about birdemic though that's a and there's also that movie birds if they're motivated they don't know

yeah it's a birdpocalypse they're coming for your eyes that's the thing is these birds aren't fiddle fucking around like come like they're coming to you right away all these animals are missiles at this point they're just one after another dive bombing you full force suicide mode right there this is this is a fucked up thing because like there's no right answer because three bears is terrifying every option is fucking terrifying seven of these bulls i guess these look like cat regular cows they don't look like african buffalo or anything they just look like big brahma bulls or something i don't know that would be a real fucking problem those things are enormous they're're like 2,000 pounds

each. And then you got these grizzly bear 15 wolves. I mean... It seems like you need to pick at least three of them. Right? There's no two of these that can take the other seven or six in Taylor's case.

Are you armed? That's a good question. Are you in street clothes? Or do you get to prep? Do you get to put on a football helmet? Do I have two AA-12s and a sit and spin? That's my octagon defense weapon. Are you like

Bert in Tremors? Or is this Hunter in the middle like Bert in Tremors? He's got terrible stance. You don't want to rely on this guy he's leaning back he's he's leaning back he doesn't know what he's doing can you ride the bears away will they carry you up a tree i like this idea now now we're talking right maybe that that's the trick maybe that's the trick to be like bulls come to me and like you hop on the bull's back and just run the fuck away. No, because now we're adding ridiculousness of,

what if they start on the other side of a ravine? Oh, did we make it too ridiculous? I learned in Narnia that these lions are really smart. I think last time I was on, you guys had a fight over the legitimacy of another animal fight. It had to be treated seriously. That conversation also happened then. This is a weekly bit. But it's not a bit because we really do disagree.

All right, first, I think new rule here. You need to pick three of these things. And I don't know if giving three brings the hunter back into the fray or not. But clearly two cannot beat all the other combined. I want the wolves. I want the lions as well because both of those

animals are like teamwork pack animals who will work with each other well. If you've ever seen wolves go after a large thing, one of them will distract it and when it turns around to fuck with him, the others will come from the other angle. they're good at this sort of thing though crocodiles or alligators whatever those are i can't look and see the difference they look like

crocodiles to me though um yeah i i don't there's i don't think you're thinking this part through is those those 10 crocodiles or alligators they they can't be harmed by the 10 000 rats that are coming your way they're just gonna mow through them like the rats can just break on them like you know waves on the beach and they're just gonna keep eating it so i think you need the crocodiles you need the wolves and then if yeah if you're gonna do three you have to do the hunter obviously and then i think crocodiles and wolves because like 15 wolves that'll take that could take down three grizzly bears that can take down four lions maybe uh i mean if the hunter picks one off maybe maybe he can help i don't know yeah that's what you do you stand on the crocodiles out in the

water and you get the hunter to pick off the birds and then you are just in croc you are in the floating utopia of croc land out in the middle of the water they can pick off anybody that gets they won't even get near the water yeah you're on your favorite you're on the alpha male croc and then you've got a perimeter of the other nine crocs as just a wave after wave of you know goblin like like in lord of the rings where the goblins are in minds of more i don't even need all 10 crocs i'll make some sick boots out of one of the crocs you know if you can choose the terrain that matters a lot right like it if you're up in a tree then it seems like the hunter could pick them off as they approach you? If you're up in a tree, then it seems like the hunter

could pick them off as they approach you, and now you're set. Maybe put the birds and the hunter on your side, say fuck all the rest, and you're up in a tree. Bears can climb trees. But not, they have a hunter problem. Can 25 birds carry a man? I do like the way you're thinking.

That is fucking brilliant. That's the answer to this whole question. Guys, it's James and the Giant Peach. It's right in front of our face the whole time. I mean, you'd have to do that, because if you didn't pick the birds, like, maybe one bird the hunter could shoot

down, but the other 49 eagles are coming right for your throat and they're gonna get you as much as you know you dislike birds woody they're they're coming for you if they're coming down fast you know this is somewhat animal related so let's just transition to this i always thought i thought of elephants as some of the most intelligent animals on the planet, right? Elephants... I literally had this as a topic. I know what this is. God damn it. Why is my Skype doing that? Look at this gif. I think

this is safe for work. I mean, it's animals. Well, I'll just trust it. No screenshots. Seven day warning. Seven day ban. Well, I can't imagine this going wrong. Oh. Mm-hmm.

He's getting in there. For the listeners, it's at a zoo. One elephant is reaching his trunk deep, deep, deep inside the asshole of another elephant. And it looks like he's searching for something in there. What's he going to pull out?

He pulled out some food. What's he going to get out of there? Oh, he's got like three pounds of raw shit. And now he's using those little pincers there to eat little pieces off of his friend's shit. He's eating it like he's holding a bowl of popcorn.

He is. Oh, he's eating it like he's holding a bowl of popcorn oh he's loving it he's loving all that undigested dietary fiber i i'm going to imagine that elephant number one was like hey carl i'm super constipated can you help me maybe that's his grandma and and she and she's like yeah again what have you been eating ah all right i'm going in oh please again i had a whole nother conversation in my head i'm like dude it is outrageous what the bitches will do before they get the ring on their finger to convince you oh god what i was thinking I was thinking, like, when I see shit like that, it ruins... Because, you know, all the videos on YouTube will be like, man, this dolphin,

a really bright animal. Oh, this elephant, did you know they actually remember XYZ and can solve problems? And it's like, yeah, but here's a clip of one eating shit out of one of its friend's assholes. Like, is it really that bright? Are they really that smart are we being hoodwinked by fucking i think they just have no shame right like like this is an this

is an incident of like ah let's see what's in there oh shit that's not so bad could have been worse yeah but if it were that smart it would already know do they do that in the maybe it did know maybe it was if i was in an alien zoo and my buddies were drinking and they only gave us not enough beer to get drunk but to get buzzed, but we pissed out. It was such strong alien beer that the piss was still... Alcoholic. Yeah.

Then I would be over there filling it up and the aliens would be laughing. The humans, look at these guys. They drink each other's piss. We would never do that. It's like, yeah, well, you know, there's stuff in there. There's stuff in that piss. I mean, that's a lot of leaps and bounds to get where you went. It's zoo food, though.

That's true. I don't like this. I like it, too, because it shows just once again, we're the best animal. Like, so far and away. We just watched a video of someone smoking pot out of a pussy. Strong counterpoint. But you know what? We were using fire and tools and things in there.

I showed you that video of that German man with goggles on, shit goggles I'll call them, chomping enormous amounts of a woman's shit as it rained down upon his face. Yeah, but he didn't do it, like, casually. He did it in a way where it was intentional. He knew he was going to get shit on his face. He went there for that purpose. This was just an elephant lackadaisically deciding, I'll have a snack. No, this elephant had the same amount of purpose, it sounds like.

I mean, I didn't see that goggle video, but this elephant did not make any mistakes. It did exactly what it intended to. I guess. I guess, yeah. Flawless victory. It even had the pose, like the coiled up trunk ready to go. It didn't scoop a bunch of shit out of the other elephant and then be confused

about how to hold the shit while eating it. He was, bam, right there. It was balancing that turd ball right in the crux of its little trunk. I'm impressed, quite frankly. I don't know that we're the best animal, actually, after that performance. Oh, we're definitely the best. Have you watched

that clip of that orangutan being a retard trying to put a nail in a board? Yes. They'll act like it's not a retard. Well, it's not bright enough to figure out how nails and hammers work but like it sees like people like nailing hammers into boards and so they give this orangutan a hammer and a nail and it just like puts it on top of a piece of wood and then when it's big dumb monkey hand just like just hitting near it and it's like god you're so close yet so far you

couldn't put a nail in that board if your life depended on it but i'm i'm also talking about both sides of my mouth because i'm always the one proposing monkey discussions and whatnot because they are interesting even if they're retarded they are every animal is so much dumber than us yeah as long as you exclude like germans and people who get shit on their face and uh the vagina bong and germans did we say german already the irish yeah remove the irish so an alien species would be a big problem for you and your like ego of humans are the best. If they just rolled in and one alien started talking like you talk, I would imagine that would be very upsetting.

It would. If they started looking at all of our shit, casting stones and judgment. Look at these people. They're fast as a plane. Some retard named Elon Musk. Musk? I don't know. Some human.

They launched this little rocket. They're all freaking out. Like, yeah, I wouldn't like that. These guys wipe their ass after they shit. It's disgusting. Look, they must love it. They must love it. Trust. Trust. They barely washed their hands. So what is it called? Falcon Heavy?

Maybe something like that. It launched. Two of the boosters landed. The core didn't. And they put a car in space. The car in space thing is kind of a neat gimmick maybe it gets some attention i don't know but is anyone else not like i don't know it seems like the whole world is jazzed about this amazing accomplishment and whenever they try to break it down for me they're like what do you don't understand uh yeah because they reuse parts of it it's cheaper and i'm like oh my god that's the most exciting part of this to you like yeah it because it makes space tourism space travel space mining actually potentially feasible from a profit standpoint um yeah all that sounds great but not

here you know like oh it makes it cheaper so other things are potentially possible. So far, all we've done is put a car in space. And we've put a fucking fuckton of shit in space since the 50s or 40s or whenever we started doing it. Never this much at once, though. Never, ever this much at once. Really? Is a car the biggest thing we've done so far? There was more than a car. It was twice the payload that's ever been sent

into space. By a factor twice as much. Well, you see, I didn't know that. This was twice as big as anything that NASA had ever sent up, the payload they went up with. It's baby steps, right? There's lots of... It's 2018 now. It was like 2015

and Elon Musk tweeted out, LA traffic is bullshit. I'm going to start a company that digs tunnels. And now the fucking tunnels all up under Los Angeles in a couple more years, people are going to be traveling around in them. See, there's the part, that a couple more years part. Because if I got, when they talk about the spaceships, I'm like, look, if I don't guaranteed get to be in space, I'd wreck it all. Give me all the money back, wreck all the rockets, I don't want to hear about it.

If I go to the grave and I didn't get into space, I put a curse on everyone who does get to go into space because of it. Well, Maddox might get to go. He'll be able to afford to pretty soon if he gets a half billion. If he gets a half billion, yeah, he'll enter the space race. To me, it would be more exciting to add an extra lane to the local interstate than for someone else to go to space. Yeah.

If they would fix all of the goddamn potholes in the St. Louis area, I'd be more appreciative than going to space. Yeah, Musk, work on that problem. Yeah, asshole. Someone needs to riddle me this, because I don't know much about Elon Musk. Is he a real genius,

or is he like a Steve Jobs genius, where he just kind of takes credit? He's a genius at getting subsidies. Yeah, he's very good at getting money but like does he actually is he sitting there like musing over like aha this is the formula we need to get a car into space or is he like sitting there like trying to you know requisition more funds from the government not actually doing people like no it's not discrediting it doesn't mean that he didn't do anything good because Steve Jobs did a lot of good shit. He just wasn't there soldering and inventing. He was like the front man.

Is Elon Musk doing it or is he like the front man? There's a difference between a manager and a Leonardo da Vinci kind of character, right? A guy who's just a genius at everything and can do anything. He can paint the Mona Lisa but he can also design you a futuristic helicopter tank.

And, you know, there's a difference. I don't think he's, I think he's somewhere in between. He seems to be able to facilitate all of this, which to me is incredible. You know, just getting these, all these moving parts to work and still in the meantime, have the time to put out a flamethrower and be working on, you know, a car company and the boring company digging those tunnels. And at the same time, there are montages. I'm sure you've seen the montages of people shitting on Trump. There'll be like five minutes of people, he could never win!

And then at the end of the montage, the music hits an up-tempo, and it's him winning, winning, winning, state after state after state. Well, in the same regard, they have these montages of people telling Elon Musk that he can't do what he's saying he's going to do with the SpaceX company, with the reusable rockets returning to Earth and stuff. And it's got like astronauts and like, you know, famous science people. NASA people, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

And they're all like, what he's doing is irresponsible, misguided, and frankly foolish. It can never work, and space exploration should always be a government-sponsored thing, because you just can't do it in the private sector. The expertise isn't there. And then you get a whole montage of that, and then the music hits its up-tempo with the rockets landing and breaking record after record. You know, it's baby steps. This thing's still in its infancy, but every six months, it seems like, he has another breakthrough and breaks a after record you know it's baby steps it's it's it's it's this thing's still in its infancy but every six months it seems like he has another breakthrough and breaks a new record

yeah i like that he's doing cool shit i just didn't know or i guess i still don't fully know the extent of what he does uh yeah i don't either i like it from what from what she's saying it seems like he's definitely a couple levels above like what a steve jobs is like he's actually doing some yeah i think so sorry what do you go ahead i just i guess my knock is and i didn't realize he had launched the heaviest payload ever if that's on target then that's something that we're done then that's new and perhaps good mostly though it's always like oh you don't understand it's going to be great someday there's some potential a few years from now you'll realize that this is helpful. It's like, oh, it's always a few

years from now. Some indeterminate amount of time. Oh, in 2030, you're going to love it. I guess. It seems like a while. Yeah, we'll see. There's always things I don't want, too. Like, oh, you can dig a giant tunnel under LA.

No, thank you. We have plenty of construction going on here. I don't need any radical solutions to your problem of getting to Santa Monica from downtown. Take the metro like the rest of us who can't afford hair plugs, Elon. Go at a different time. Sorry you can't cross L.A. during rush hour. I'm surprised his solution wasn't some sort of an Iron Man suit so he could just fly over all of the traffic. It seems like whatever he puts his mind to, he gets done.

That is impressive. It's just his mind, determination, and billions and billions of dollars of taxpayer money. I thought his flamethrower looked more like a creme brulee. Yeah, Kyle has done flamethrower looked more like a creme brulee. Yeah. Kyle has done flamethrower videos that make that thing look like a bitch. That thing is a lame thrower. That thing sucks.

It's all about how the thing looks, I guess. The people who are buying them, what do they cost? $1,500? Anybody know? I don't know. It just well all right so that's fine for 500 i mean it's half the price of uh the one that that i sent to you woody and it's uh like a third the price of the backpack model that's basically like vietnam burning charlie out of

spider holes kind of kind of shit i don't know like i i sound like i'm not rooting for elon i am i'm just not like like look i recognize your potential but let's also just potential so far do something about him i don't like either thanks i'm more i'd be happier to see him like do something else cool with space than tesla i i'm not excited about tesla at all like i just i don't really care either way like but the spacex seems pretty neat you know he sent that car that car is not just like floating around randomly it's heading to mars is it really yeah it's going to land quickly it's going how much did that little ego trip cost to send his car to fucking mars 150 million dollars or something you know tesla doesn't make

commercials that's the closest thing to a commercial they've ever made they don't have to advertise they're not making money anyway yeah the news makes the commercials for them are you sure they're not making money i'm i'm almost positive yeah the tesla's not making money no they're like i don't know about all his ventures wait zero hedge just posted about it yesterday they're like they're like billions in the hole well in the hole and profitable are not exclusive right like yeah yeah that's true they might be making money, they just haven't recouped every dollar they've spent to get there. The car company's financial performance

beat Wall Street estimates and is much improved from the $230 million loss Tesla reported in the same quarter a year earlier. I was going to say, you can lose money and still beat estimates. I'd like to hear. Yes. Tesla's total long-term debt is 9.5 billion i'm reading on

zero hedge yeah uh well then they need to sell a lot of cars but they can't make them that fast i like those cars a lot every time i every time i see one i i it's a it's a real head turner i'm like oh look at that it's a tesla oh i like that look at the door handles are fucking flat the door handles are flat oh that's so sick and you know it's they're so goddamn fast it's the fastest car in the world with the accelerator it's fast accelerate fastest accelerating car in the world when that roadster takes off yeah well even the one before it was like like the roadster broke the um what's the the sedan the four-door sedan um when you put it in insanity mode was insane with it with the acceleration i think it was the fastest accelerating

it's because of the electric thing right somehow the space kicks up immediately instant torque um somehow the the space thing doesn't capture my imagination but the car thing does like i can imagine a world not too far from now and this is just the opposite of what I just said, like 10 years from now, where electricity is not that scarce, right? Where instead of like nuclear and natural gas or whatever it is we're burning to make electricity, we're just collecting it on solar panels and every roof in America. And you know, it just starts to make sense. And people are like, you know what, like, why am I buying gasoline? I've got more electricity production on top of the house than I really need. And cars just run off electric.

And they're more reliable because they're simple by comparison. And, you know, lots of things start running off electric. Turning the lights off and yelling at your children about it will become a thing of the past. Because you just generate more electricity than you really need. Like, that's a world that I think that Elon Musk is starting to create into reality. I leave the lights on all the time. I do too. Yeah, I'm horrible about that.

I stop fussing. We leave, in the Game of Thrones room, we leave two lights on, and I calculated it. It costs like $4 a year. I'm like, you know what? Fine. Fine. These light bulbs last 20 years. They cost $4 a year to run you know my wife thinks it's i'm whatever the opposite of a fire hazard is to have lights on then fine i'm about

to have a heated conversation with my local power provider after i got my bill for this month which was 430 dollars electricity. What are you doing? Nothing! That new television, that's what it is. It's the new TV! Have you been leaving it on? Is that high? Are you kidding, Chiz? That's insanely high for electricity in February. Here's someone who doesn't pay an electrical bill. Yeah, there's someone who doesn't pay one.

We get $700 bills in this fucking estate sometimes. See, I don't live in an estate. I live in an apartment where I don't have even enough lights. Like, if I bought the least efficient bulbs on the planet and plugged them all in and, like, turned all my lights on for a month, there's no excuse for it being $400. And so I'm going to call and throw a fit about that tomorrow. Because someone's got to be siphoning fucking electricity from me. Why is the cost so high?

Rufus. Yeah. Somebody's siphoning from it. It might be Rufus. No, it's not Rufus. Rufus dick, to catch you up, is a homeless gentleman who lives outside my place. Probably is siphoning it, selling it down at the corner in big bags.

Just in big bags of vibrating electrons. I can't understand why my power bill would be this high. I had that in my last apartment. All the meters were downstairs. And every time I went down there, mine was spinning like a top. And everyone else was just crawling along.

I could never figure it out. I shut off everything in my apartment. It was still faster than everybody else. I had a landlord that stole power from me. He lost his job. Yeah, he lost his job. And my power bills were, I thought, really high too. They were like $400. And this is back in like the 90s or maybe early 2000s it was a lot so um you know sure enough

he's got a fucking extension his he lived in the house next to mine and he had several extension cords going like 300 feet into his kitchen and uh yeah and i'm like the fuck and i turned it off he's like oh i saw you getting real cute there you know unplugging my power cord and i'm like the fuck and i turned it off he's like oh i saw you getting real cute there you know unplugging my power cord and i'm like dude my power bill is outrageous you know you're you're plugging into my house what are you running off of my power he was snarky with you yeah in his head like these are both his homes right that's his circuit breaker that's his outlet you know whatever but i pay that power bill and uh yeah that works dickhead he was a real asshole i remember i was inherit that property how could a property manager possibly think you could just plug in is he also like taking your

wi-fi it was it was the same house where there was a hole in the roof you know we actually stopped paying rent one month we stopped paying rent i, dude, we have a real problem here. The water runs so slow. We have to cup our hands and splash it on ourselves when we take a shower. And two, there's a hole in the roof. I'm like, the whole reason we have a house is so that there's some separation

between inside and outside. And there's not that here. And it wasn't like the roof just, you could see, you could put a basketball through the hole in the roof. And he's like, yeah, well, you know, I don't have any money. So, you know, you not paying rent isn't gonna get it fixed any faster and I'm like, well, I'm gonna take my chances, I think it might.

So sure enough, like his friend came out and put some sort of temporary patch on the hole and we paid rent again. And there were moments in that like he'd call me and I'd be too busy for him. And it made me it was a real power trip on my behalf. You know, I'd be like, oh, what do you know? I need to talk to you about this or that. And I'm like, yeah, you know what? It's just a bad time.

Can you call back later? All right. See you. Bye. And it made me feel good to like hang up on my land. That's why I're stealing your power. We were just oil and water. Who wants margaritas?

I thought, I was like, could I get this place declared as uninhabitable? Would that get me out of rent? It was just a really bad place. It's kind of misrepresented, I thought, when we looked through it. But whatevs. We don't live there anymore. Did you see these links?

Oh, go ahead, Kyle. I was going to ask if you saw these links I put in here of these ladies torturing these children. These three different ladies torturing these children. Is it really far up there? Can you repost it? Yeah, yeah, I'm reposting them. There's one should we just read it or do you have a back backstory tale i don't really have a tale i

just found it interesting that like all three of these cases were so similar with these women torturing their children oh this is really short I'm just going to read it real quick. Okay. In Atlanta, so right near you, Kyle. Two sisters have been indicted in the fatal spanking and beating of a three-year-old with a baseball bat for taking a cupcake from the kitchen.

The Fulton County District Attorney's Office says Shirley Morris and Glendria Morris were formally charged Tuesday with two counts of felony murder, one count of aggravated assault, and two counts of cruelty in the first degree. Authorities say it happened October 21st. According to the indictment, LaShirley Morris used the bat to hit Kijuan Mason repeatedly in the head while her sister, the child's legal guardian, used her hand to spank the little boy. The women are being held in Fulton County Jail. Bond for both was set at $200,000. It is unknown if either has an attorney.ed little boy. The women are being held in Fulton County Jail. Bond for both was set at $200,000.

It is unknown if either has an attorney. Oh, boy. Alright, and this next one. These are some interesting names. Yeah. Poor little Kijuan to death. It's almost as if they just made those names up. Poor little Kijuan is never

going to have his name mispronounced by every teacher he ever has. Jesus Christ. I love the PKA take on it. The real tragedy here. And the bitch on the left looks like pretty morose. The bitch on the right looks a little smarmy. Somebody's playing the truth. Is that me? The bitch on the right looks a little smarmy. The first cries were heard in the courtroom when the prosecutor said eight-year-old had been stabbed 50 times.

Is that me? Sorry about that. 50 times. That's the next story. All they did was steal a cupcake. I think it was Halloween. Didn't they say October 31st? October 21st. It's a little too early for trick-or-treating, Conadrica.

My buddy just got pregnant, and I'm telling him how out of control kids are, and they're always trying to throw themselves off things and ram their heads into things. Like, the second they can walk, they just aim their head at anything sharp. And he's like, Mr mr know-it-all so he goes well i mean uh surely you discipline them out of that and as i'm reading these articles i'm like yeah this is what they thought out of stealing a cupcake well here's another uh lady who was into uh discipline this is in brockton massachusetts is this the second link of the third yeah a woman has been charged with stabbing two of her children to death

in their Massachusetts home in what prosecutors have called a ritual incident. The Boston Globe reports at her arraignment Tuesday, prosecutors said a boy was stabbed as many as 50 times. According to court documents obtained by CBS Boston, family members told investigators that 43-year-old Latarsha Sanders had practiced voodoo though the da nice jewish gal oh latasha though the da did not confirm the deaths were voodoo related we'll get to the bottom of that

eventually it seems that she acted alone when she stabbed her five-year-old son and eight-year-old son multiple times at some point over the weekend. A crime officials have called gruesome, disturbing, and heartbreaking. Jesus Christ. She stabbed her children to death in a voodoo ritual. Wait, what was the name of the child who died? It's just all apostrophes. And some umlas. And wing things.

Oh my god, no, here's the names. The names are Edson and Laysen. Both made up names. Edson Brito and Laysen Brito. They both had made up names as well. What's the name of the person who did the beaten? Ah, her name was ridiculous as well. Latarsha.

Latarsha. Latarsha. Sounds like a Dutch car. Driving new Latarsha. 2018 Latarsha. The thing about stabbing children is it's not that i condone it but i really understand it i mean it makes a lot of sense to me i mean i give it two thumbs down but i see the logic oh my god is this also in massachusetts okay so that was brockton

massachusetts now just up the road in East Bridgewater, Massachusetts, two sisters allegedly tied down and burned a five-year-old girl, permanently disfiguring her in a voodoo ritual meant to rid her of a demon, which was causing her to misbehave, police said. Well, did it work? Yes. Yeah, no more misbehaving. She is not moving. She's sitting in her chair, hasn't work? Yes. Yeah. No more misbehaving. She is not moving.

She is sitting in her chair. Hasn't said a word. The woman also threatened to, quote, cut off the head of the girl's eight-year-old brother with a machete. You can't reason with demons, Kyle. You need to be harsh. It sounds like all of these children have stopped misbehaving. What do all these stories have in common? I don't know.

Are you seeing a common denominator with all of these? Yeah, they're all on CBS. The boy said his sister was tied down on at least two occasions while the sisters blew fire over her face and cut her on the arm and in the collar area. She wasn't wearing a collar. With a needle-like object drawing blood, according to police. The girl said the women also poured over her eyes a substance that stung.

Peggy Labossiere. Oh, they're Cajun. Oh, this was definitely voodoo. 51 and Rachel Hillare. These people have normal names. This is impressive. They're older, though. 40 and 51 of East

Bridgewater denied injuring the girl and threatening the boy. They pleaded not guilty on January 29th to mayhem. Mayhem! Assault and other charges. A public defender for the woman didn't return a call seeking comment on Saturday.

So afterwards, what you're telling me is all the children are either dead or well-behaved? Absolutely. Or zombies. I'd file that under well-behaved. Kyle, to be fair, you didn't read the part where they explain themselves. The sisters told police that they have performed

cleansing baths for family and friends in the past, something that involves chanting prayers, rubbing frankincense and eucalyptus oils and sea salts on their bodies, and burning myrrh, the newspaper reported. Children sometimes get burned as spirits leave the body, they said. The victim stated that Peggy Labossiere would lean over her and kiss all around her face like a snake, and use a pointy object like a needle to cut her open on her arm and collar area.

Christians, when you perform exorcisms, draw ash crosses on people's foreheads and circumcise your boys, this is what you look like to me. Just saying. Yeah, but you're not burning children. I'm totally on the side of you with the circumcision thing.

Because I think circumcision is fucked up. Have you ever tried to talk anybody out of doing it to their kids? It's very difficult. I've never tried. What was your experience like? Yeah, give it a shot. I tried to when my nephews were born, and it was like everything that you're saying makes sense, but, you know, the whatever, the guy who does it is here at the hospital,

so I think we're just going to do it, right? Well, I guess if it's just if the alternative to all of this stuff i just said is yeah but he's right here yes i mean i don't know how so what did i have to do like take it stop him from being here would that have worked yeah well you just need to make sure that the mole or mole or whatever the jewish guy who moil thank you kyle i shouldn't have known that from seinfeld uh the moil you know doesn't clip the dick skin off and then put his mouth on your little baby's penis you know they do that right yeah some of them do i'm not

talking about in the uh in the hospital if like some doctor does the dick skin chopping like if you get a moil who does it he'll'll put his mouth on your little baby's penis. I guess God wants it. I don't know. He's stopping the bleeding. We have better options for that. Do you have fire breath? How is he stopping the bleeding? My hands were full.

I swear to God, if you don't stop bleeding, I'm going to charge your parents double. Jesus Christ. Don't mention him around them. no definitely not half comforting hearing about these voodoo stories i mean you know you don't hear you hear a lot about slenderman and silly silly murdering games now not voodoo kind of went out of style, I guess. Not in Haiti, apparently. No? I thought that would be something we encountered more. CBS seems to hunt it down.

Link after link in here. Yeah, those are some pretty depressing stories. At least... I was trying to think of something on the fly. There's no at least. It's a pretty shit story. At least the children were well-behaved afterwards. The ones who lived probably are going to be super well behaved most of them are sitting very still

now not fidgeting at all they're in a little box in a discount casket that's going to be a sad business to run like children's caskets because you know somebody there saw an opening and made them. Cheapest caskets in town?

Half price, half price. You're going to be thanking me by the end of this. It's so cheap. Jesus. That was dark enough that Dick didn't participate. Oh, it's not too bad. Oh, man. Kyle, any other stories of children being maimed horribly?

I've still got people tweeting me fat pictures. Yeah, you've opened a big fatty box that's going to be hard to close. There's Dr. Disrespect getting called out for supposed racism. Yeah. Now, Kyle, you were saying if you have a PUBG background, you see it through a different lens. Yeah, yeah. So what he was doing, and there's clips of it. Chiz, if you'll link the Philly D video, maybe, he's got the montage of the doc doc uh being somewhat racist i suppose some people see it

that way i don't but he's mocking sort of an asian chinese accent and uh and being kind of flamboyant but the thing is like they don't have regions locked in that game and so anyone from any region in the world can join the servers of any other region. Except you don't see North Americans jumping into the Chinese server. It's the opposite. The Chinese people jump into the North American server and fucking ruin it because for the most part, they're all cheaters. And second of all, they don't speak English.

And if they do, they're just yelling stuff. And yeah, well, he was mocking the accents that he's ran into, Chiz. It has a lot to do with the accents he's using. And they scream, China number one, China number one. And so he was just kind of mocking what he's ran into, Chiz. It has a lot to do with the accents he's using. And they scream, China number one, China number one. And so he was just kind of mocking. Can we watch it? Just timestamp it to 315

it looks like. I want to see this. Because I'm not the biggest fan of Dr. Disrespect. When he was on the bottom, he was a total asshole. And when he's on top, he's an even bigger asshole. But, I will try to be unbiased as I watch this Are we ready?

Three two one play this there's another controversy around dr. Disrespect and I was pointed out by another creator by the name of Jimmy Wong Jimmy tweeting here's your venerable dr. Disrespect everybody clearly thought he crossed the line with cheating on his wife But racism guess he finds that okay and including this video I feel like this guy's from China right here. You can just tell. Look at him. They're everywhere! Daybreak! You fucking idiots!

You idiots! Wake up! Get them off the server! Jimmy then following that up saying, just like the dope Logan Paul, the reason this racist behavior is unacceptable and dangerous is simple. Young and extremely impressionable kids adore these influencers. They learn their mannerisms. They copy them.

They perpetuate them between friends at school and at others. And is jimmy wong a top guy at twitch i know his name what do i know him from jizz i don't know i feel like jim god i he's i heard he makes some he makes some great chinese donuts right oh he was in the high school... When were they playing? Video Game High or something like that. Uh-huh. That's where I know. There's like a...

I wish there was like a Miracle on 34th Street type of setup where this... Everyone who throws the racist card around because of a stupid accent or screaming about like, oh, there's Chinese people on the server could go back in time and see what it actually is they're accusing everybody of. It's made everybody such a gigantic, gigantic pussy online.

When the only thing you know about someone is they're like a little bit about their race or like you have a couple things to make fun of them on what are you supposed to do you know like i said at the start of this i was not a doctor disrespect fan but what i do with racism or cultural appropriation or whatever is i flip it and i say would it bother me if a chinese guy was saying like like, America? No, I would not give a fuck. And I certainly wouldn't think he was racist because he was saying America or wearing a flag or pretending to have a gun or whatever it is he was doing. It wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

And I feel like this is just the flip of that. You know, like, I don't know. He's pretending to talk Chinese. If they pretended to talk English, I wouldn't flip out. It's almost condescending that you're taking offense on behalf of someone who isn't even here you know like if there was some chinese guy being like oh i a white person i like a barbecue and uh and american idol it'd be like oh wow like good i get impression like yeah that's all it would be like i feel like most of china like first of all, China is way more fucking racist than we are here.

I've heard that about Japan. I'm not sure that's China. Oh, every flavor of Asian, they all hate the other ones. It's totally true. Okay. Yeah. Who are the best Asians?

Oh, true. Well, there we go, huh? I mean, well, probably different categories, right? If you had to be an Asian, which one? Had to be. I feel like if I had to fuck an Asian, it'd be Thai, right? Aren't they the ones known for their sex? Or being transsexuals.

No, they're the ones known for their penises. I'm pretty sure that Thailand is thought of as like by the other Asians as like the Mexi- No, no, no, that's the philippines right yeah i'd be filipino if i was an asian because they're half mexican as well are they actually half mexican or like is there any half spanish or whatever well i think they got like conquistador and when they swooped around or something like that so they do have a little mexican in them or spanish in them hear. Their tits look like they do. I think Japanese just because that's got to be the most comfortable, richest Asian country.

I think Japanese for sure. I think they're a little taller than the rest of them. Their country is doing very well. The smartest kid with Down syndrome I'm talking about here. You get to be 5'8". Mel! Average Japanese. We thought Dr thought dr disrespect was in hot water now i yeah on the doctor's rectifying just to wrap it up nah that accent doesn't make me go nuts i don't know it wouldn't bother me if they flipped it and

did it to me he's just joking around give him a break yeah i agree what were you saying everybody who cries racism they gotta find me somebody that's offensive that's offended by it like okay got it find find them find that person give me a give me an eyewitness a fenced witness to your account here or else shut the fuck up it's like uh it's like the redskin shit it's all white people getting really pissy about it like i don't think i've ever seen an interview with a Native American person giving a fuck one way or the other. Yeah. Like, it's always white people. Oh, Chiz says that South Korean men are 5'9", and Japanese men are 5'7".

So I guess South Korea is probably the right answer. I watched a Netflix documentary on small penises. The guy had a small penis. His fiancée left him because he had a small penis. There's a whole Netflix documentary on this penises. The guy had a small penis. His fiance left him because he had a small penis. There's a whole Netflix documentary on this? Yes. Anyway, so he had a bunch. He went to a few doctors to see if his penis was really small

or if it was just his fiance saying something for maximum hurt. And it turns out his penis was actually small. So then he looked into different ways to increase your penis size whether it be like surgeries or pills or whatever he let people document this yeah he showed his dick at the end like boogie nights you never gonna see his dick but uh like what you saw is like just off screen they'd have um like urologists investigate him and they'd be like you are on the small side of the normal range that's that's just where you are yeah yeah so anyway um the one of the best solutions they had because apparently

it's pretty difficult to make a penis bigger kill yourself go to korea because he would be average or above average in korea so are you sure you want to be korean i refuse to believe that a doctor in this documentary said, well, you have a really small dick. I recommend killing yourself and go to Korea. And he went to a Korean bathhouse to compare his cock to all the other naked men there.

By the way, they did not like being filmed. And sure enough, he was like, I feel better about myself here. Wow. I'm just blown away that people took like cameras and like filmed this and thought it was entertaining enough to well i guess you watched the whole documentary i was entertained yeah what did you feel better there should be like a dictionary word of the day uh email you can describe you that just sends you a picture of a small penis every morning so you're like yeah awesome fuck you i have a huge dick start this day right you can do the same thing with

like morbidly obese people where it's like well i ate like shit last night but look at that monster i'm not like that like i i've talked about the guy from my high school he was on the football team and he had a micro penis i still remember his name i should look him up on facebook but i won't share it and give that yeah like someone told me he had a micro penis. I still remember his name. I should look him up on Facebook, but I won't share it. Yeah, don't give that. Yeah, like someone told me he had a micro penis, but people didn't like make a big deal out of it. And I thought maybe it was untrue until I saw it. And sure enough, this was like,

if you're imagining a really tiny penis, you're on target. Like it wasn't just not like other people. It was- Was it like an acorn glued to the bottom of his torso yeah it was like he didn't have a shaft and you know and even the head oh that's so sad how i made up scenarios in my head i'm like maybe he didn't because he looked like a man you know like like you know there were seniors in high school he looked it wasn't like he missed puberty he was

much bigger than me and um uh but penis wise, he looked like he was a boy. I was like, maybe like he's, has like a, you know, a hormone issue when they're like, he's, you know, on testosterone. Like, I don't know what the scoop is. Why does he have like a little boy's penis? And yeah, I did eventually see it in the locker room and no one, like he never got teased.

He never, like all the other guys were kind of bros about it like they knew and i seriously never heard it mentioned a single time out baby dick baby dick right yeah was it like was it like such a small dick that it's like oh i can't even make fun of that yes yes yeah it was it was just a head and not even a medical marvel not even an adult head really it was just a very small penis yeah and i imagine erect it probably got to like three inches or something you know oh so elon musk is sending cars to mars but we can't fix the penis situation that's going on all across the world that's's bullshit. You can't fix that poor man's penis, but you can make a joke about launching a $100,000 electric car to Mars.

That's the world we live in. That poor guy. Elon, refocus. Yeah. But yeah. Nobody in my high school that I went to had a micropenis, so I've never seen one in real life.

I have. I bet it looks upsetting. It's just like the same way that you look at someone who's morbidly obese, like if you're in a locker room and you're changing, like where you're kind of like, you get that human, you know, hindbrain fear of like, oh shit,

I'm only like a few years of bad decisions from being like that guy, like seeing someone with a micropenis and be like, oh fuck, I'm just a genetic lottery from being that guy. i and and it's it's like incurable this is what you could do you can't hit the gym and get a bigger cock like you just you're stuck like the poor guy and when they told me he had a small penis i pictured it being like how we described the korean one right just in the bottom side of normal uh no abnormal not a regular a regular penis, just a head, it seemed. Oh, God.

I feel like we need a moment of silence for this guy and play taps or something like that. There was another guy in my high school who had no neck. Just go up taps. He had no neck. He was short. His voice... Did you go to school at a freak show? Professor Xavier's

School for the excellent or whatever the fuck that was you know how we have this theory and it's not really a theory there's so much evidence to support it that really pretty girls sometimes don't have to fully develop their personality because everything they say is funny and everyone just wants to be on their good side

because they're smoking hot I have heard that this guy was hilarious this guy was super funny you'd always enjoy your company with him and i feel like it was kind of the the rebound of that other thing i just described hey woody can i borrow a dollar i'm a little short you know he's like to see things behind him did he have to like yes oh totally yeah yeah yeah he like when i say he didn't have a neck you might be picturing like a really strong person that had a fit no really like

he i i don't know his ears and his shoulders seem like next to each other like that's great and it impacted his voice because like he didn't have this normal like resonance thing and he sounded a lot like kyle did and um but he was really cool and everybody liked him and he was funny and he sounded a lot like Kyle did. But he was really cool and everybody liked him. And he was funny. And he was kind of clever. And I feel like some of that was because he didn't have that hot girl effect. Like if he was not interesting to be around,

no one would be around him at all. That's why there's so many fat comedians. And ugly comedians. If Chris Farley looked like it was a thin, attractive man, you'd have never had Fat Guy in a Little Coat. He'd have never been up there dancing, doing the Chip and Dale's dance when it happened.

You know, comedians are taken on a whole below average in looks, don't you think? Oh, yeah. Am I on target there? I mean, Kevin Hart is good looking, but short. But they're also extremely unhealthy like they also will consume every drug and like addictive food substance and liquor they can get their hands on they're they're just endlessly trying to fill this black hole inside of them with whatever they can get their hands i call that my god hole that's my experience

from hanging around the improv community in la so oh and you were in like the worst of the worst like yeah it's like going to cthulhu's island what's that you were at the berkeley uh like you knew those people right like those super unfunny like pc kind of folks i mean there's a lot of there's a lot of them there. It's a little cult that the Upright Citizens Brigade in Los Angeles will do. It gets people in, finds the one

who needs to belong and teaches them how to pretend to write jokes. It's a weird scene, man. It does sound weird. It doesn't sound funny either. No, it's not. This is where we're taking that moment of silence

for the guy's penis, by the way. I was thinking, I don't know. Comedian's a weird thing. And I imagine, here's in my head, you're a comedian, you're not the top guy. You're looking at head, like you're a comedian. You're not the top guy, right? You're looking at Kevin Hart and you're like, man, I'm killing it. How come I can't get the chances that Kevin, like how do people get plucked out of the

shadows and put on a movie? Does it go by order of funny? Is there a way to rank funny? Is anyone funny day in and day out? I don't know. I would just want, it's a little like youtube maybe where there's some great channels with 25 000 subs wondering why that guy has a million yeah and then what it's also like the claw in toy story like once they get picked up they kind of swoop in through the dregs every once in a while but mostly they're they're gone

they're on the next level of the cog machine um i don't know i never figured it out but everybody's always trying to replicate i think what they see other people getting famous for so you end up with like a lot of copy of a copy of a copy comedy um it gets to a point where i don't even think a lot of the comedians who are performing even are doing it to be funny or be comedians anymore it's just kind of a thing that they do they like a lot of them like at least on netflix like because i i think stand-up's pretty entertaining for the most part like but these netflix specials are it it's not even nine out of ten are bad if i'm being honest not even hyperbolic it's

like probably 19 out of 20 you know 29 out of 30 are bad like when you stumble upon good stand-up now it kind of grabs your attention because most of it's shitty like and you're right dick like they're not even doing jokes a lot of the time they're doing like applause break, like just virtue points kind of things. Yeah, everybody wants to be George Carlin. Yeah, they want to be George Carlin, so they can't just tell a joke. They have to have a social point of view that's not really a joke. It's just them pontificating while talking faster than average and hoping everybody's going to be like, wow, this guy's got his shit together. When really it's like, no, you're just pandering, trying to get claps, trying to be George Carlin.

You expressed it perfectly there. They're all trying to be little philosophers on stage instead of just being funny. Which is kind of what you want in stand-up. Like, Bill Burr is still a great example of that. He's hilarious. He's great. Like, he doesn't try and be a philosopher guy. He just, he knows he's an idiot.

And he stays in his lane and he does that. His last two specials haven't been that funny compared to his old shit, but still. It's still him trying to be funny, not making poignant pseudo-intellectual remarks trying to get applause breaks. Chappelle's shit has been hilarious. All the stuff that he's released lately.

I really liked... He did this one thing about how awesome he was. What did he say? That I kicked her in the pussy or something? That whole bit sucked so hard I was like This is so not worthy of Chappelle And it was like 10 minutes long

I hated it so much It sort of drugged down the entire show I liked it I liked all the specials The very last one um obviously wasn't the best but that was like not you could tell he was he was still working through a lot of that a lot of those bits and you know he just sort of went into a comedy club and did like a one-man show type thing unannounced so that makes sense uh i i really liked the whole bit about um

the woman who louis ck had shown her his dick she said that it had ruined her dream of ever being a comedian he's like that's a fickle dream he's like if somebody pulled their dick out in front of dr king do you think he would just let it all go and he starts doing a martin luther king impression that was pretty good i like when he's talking about how uh you know, if the Tiki Torch whites ever come to get him. He's like, I go through drills with my boys. Boys, what do you do when the Tiki Torch

whites come? Dad, what do you do? We squint and stand next to mom because his mom's Asian, his wife's Asian. Right, right. And then what? We go get you your gun and your landscaper outfit that's right i uh i fucking love chapelle his stuff some of the funniest i mean i do it goes definitely goes

back to like when i was in high school whenever uh the chapelle show came out and i just remember watching that shit over and over had it on dvd and uh on DVD. I don't think he's ever done a special that I didn't think was funny. I like his movies too, right? As cheesy and silly as like, what's the weed movie that they made? Half-Baked? Is that it? Yeah.

That's fucking hilarious. That is a very, very funny movie. I don't think I ever got over Chappelle just leaving chapelle's show really you're holding on to that from like 15 years yeah i felt so abandoned every time i see him now i'm like i don't know man are you gonna leave during the middle of this stand-up like what's the deal here well that's what he says in the in the special he's like y'all better like this because i'm done after this one he's like i gone. I don't think that his stand-up is as funny as his show was.

His show was his calling, I think. I think he needed to – it's a damn shame he didn't keep going with that. Because it's basically like a rich man's Key & Peele. Where, you know, Key & Peele I haven't watched much of. But they have like an okay skit now and then that I'll see on YouTube. But, like, it doesn't hold a candle, the Chappelle show. But was the Pearl show great because –'t hold a candle, the Chappelle show. I like the Chappelle show great because of Chappelle,

or was it great because the best stuff was Charlie Murphy stuff. That's the stuff that I remember. I thought the best stuff was Chappelle stuff. It's Chappelle doing Little John. It's Chappelle doing Rick James.

Oh, that is Little John, yeah. The Rick James was a Charlie Murphy story. Yeah, but it's only funny because Dave Chappelle is Rick James. I'm Rick James, bitch! The blind black man. Chappelle is like 10% of that thing. It's Charlie Murphy telling a story with Chappelle jumping in on the sides every once in a while, which is way easier to do.

But he's acting it. He is Rick James. Yeah. That's mostly costume. Oh, my God, no! No, he's doing the accent. He's got the mannerisms, the personality. Maybe I don't know Rick James that well.

Maybe I don't appreciate how well he's mimicked Rick James. Woody, he's giving those titties four thumbs down. Are you telling me that anybody could carry that line like Chappelle? I love that shit. Do you think you could do it? Come on now. Oh, please. I'm a natural actor, and I would clearly pull off Rick James.

No, of course I couldn't. But to me, that's a Charlie Murphy story. Charlie Murphy is killing it in that story. And then of course, you know, costumes and lighting and all that put it together. When Charlie Murphy tells the story of playing Prince in basketball, that to me is one of the highlights of that whole, like the whole Chappelle show. And again, like Chappelle's doing great, right? Chappelle's hilarious when he shows up dressed like Prince. But, you know, Charlie Murphy carried that. According to me.

Have you seen this trailer? A trailer? Is it filled with music? I hope not. I'm watching it and I'm skipping through. The Deadpool trailer? i did see it um i i liked i love deadpool the movie i thought it was fantastic i feel like the trailers sometimes like they're not telling me they're not making me want to see the movie right it's like oh yeah here's deadpool pulling Deadpool playing with action figures. Here's Deadpool telling a joke or doing the whole fourth wall thing.

And I'm like, yeah, but am I to take this to mean that the movie's behind schedule or something? Why is Deadpool dressed like Bob Ross painting as an advertisement? Well, that's part of it. So that was kind of, this is the first actual advertisement, but he was doing that sort of viral marketing stuff all along. That's how the movie got made was they took that unreleased CGI footage and released it and got interest in the first film. But here it's just a joke, right?

It starts off this trailer and they show Cable for the first time and his arm's green, right? The CGI isn't done. And then he kind's just a joke right you know it starts off this trailer and they show cable for the first time and his arm's green right the cgi isn't done and then he kind of makes a joke about that but then he's like oh you're done good and then they finish the cgi you know did you catch the mustache joke yeah for superman okay yeah i had to research it i didn't immediately get it yeah yeah so is the trailer filled with music? No music. Oh, let's check it out. Yeah, I'm excited about this.

I like Cable as a character. I think that they cast him well. What's this guy's name? I'm spacing on it. I don't know. Me too. This is the only property I'm excited about anymore after like Iron Man got mulched up real quick yeah that's what it is well um Venom is coming out and it's got um uh what's his name from Mad Max in it Mad Max actor James Hardy how close am

I Tom Hardy. He's going to play Venom. I had a few letters in there. So that looks interesting. Taylor, we're going to watch this trailer here. I know you love superhero movies, so buckle up. Are we all queued up at zero? I'm going to go.

3, 2, 1, play. up at zero three two one play i was born into war right into it people think they understand pain but they have no concept of it what's the most pain you've ever felt? Maybe the kind that leaves you more machine than man. Wait, no, stop! What in the actual ass? Dale, why are the visual effects not done? It's a metal arm. It's not like we're trying to remove a mustache.

Ah, fuck it. I'll do it myself. Ah, I'm Cable, and I'm from the future, and I like blowing shit up. Pew pew pew pew! Reach for the sky! Oh no! Sheriff Deadpool. You know, you're a lot taller in the- Shut up, you little asshole. Take this.

Oh! Regeneration powers, activate! That's not something you say. Zip it, cable. I got the stones to help you. No! No biting. They're done already? Oh. Wow, that was unrealistically fast.

Okay. Hit it. your time's up you dumb fuck well that's just lazy writing writing yeah i'm excited about that i like the little you're much taller in the shut up because he's supposed to be six foot eight as far as oh in the comics yeah in the comics cable is a ridiculous amalgamation of so many overpowered powers and he's a lot like uh deadpool that way he's a time traveling healing mutant with guns and all kinds of crazy shit. As far as superhero movies go, I like Deadpool because it's kind of just making

fun of superhero movies. It's kind of a spoof on it, so I like that. It's more just the regular superhero movies I dislike. More because of the opportunity. It's because of the opportunity cost of Hollywood making nothing but a new superhero movie every 10 weeks and every time you go on twitter when there's a new superhero

trailer and people are just adults are losing their mind over like oh my god the new aquaman trailer is so crazy and it's like god one of these movies comes out every eight weeks and it's it's such a huge deal every time it's like when's the last time we got a good western when's the last time we got a good psychological thriller when's the last time we got a good genre outside of like uh hollywood superhero movies like i want you kind of understand that like it is it's just it dominates what we're seeing so much and it's annoying i do see where you're coming from uh absolutely still i like the movies i watched thor the newest thor recently you haven't seen it i wanna uh it's good this is not a spoiler at all but um it takes itself a little less seriously and cracks up more jokes and yeah oh thank god i cannot there was

like a run of superhero movies where they would get to that point where everyone would start taking it really seriously and talk about their emotions for like 15 minutes and i could not take it anymore yeah i i want it to be uh kind of light-hearted i really i really like what deadpool's done i i really really like guardians of the galaxy uh you know they're making sequels to all of them this it's amazing the amount of stuff that marvel's putting out i'm glad they're making billions and billions and billions of dollars And I kind of really like it That DC is

Just shit in the bed You know Same way like if you like Nvidia You still want AMD to be good Because it'll push AMD to be good That's how I feel about DC I want the DC movies to be excellent And I haven't seen Justice League

I'm told that it's above average for DC. But I want DC to be as good as Marvel so that they're all pushed to the very limit. Instead, it seems like DC is bad, Marvel is good, and you're kidding yourself if you don't think that.

I like the Batman movies a lot. The last superhero movies that I really enjoyed were the trilogy with Batman. Where he fought Bane. Go watch him now. Watch him fight Bane. How goofy that shit is. Fighting in the middle of the day

and nobody's even got a handgun. That's so fucking stupid. At least in the Marvel movies, they're like, Black Widow, you should probably hang back because these guys have guns. You're going to run in? Alright, well be careful. Oh shit, you're in trouble, you're in trouble. Let's get a real superhero in here real quick

to save you because those guys have guns. But when Batman's fighting Bane, like, they square off and have a big mob battle in the middle of Gotham. Yeah, they've got like chains and axes and like, bring it on!

It's like, this is the US, you don't have a gun? Where's Daniel Day-Lewis at? Is this fucking Gangs of New York? Was there a part I missed where they stood in the middle and were like, Blades and sabers and hammers. Did they have like an agreement? Like, no guns?

Wait, rabbits! Like, it was... That's the only reason Gangs of New York made sense. They had that thing in the beginning. He's like, name your weapons, boy. He's like, no pistols? No pistols. Just blades and clubs.

I want another movie like that. I want to see that again. It's been forever. That's such a good movie. I watched it recently. Yeah, it's a great movie. It's a great movie. One thing I remembered about Gangs of New York, the head bad guy.

What's that actor's name? Daniel Day-Lewis. Daniel Day-Lewis. Did he not seem tough enough to be the toughest guy? He wasn't the leader through outstanding leadership skills, right? He wasn't like Steve Jobs. I'm not actually the – No, he was supposed to be the guy that could have beaten up anyone else in the movie had he chosen so.

And I'm like, this guy – Taylor's grandfather could kick this guy's ass. Oh, you're terrible. It was because of his hat. He had that very high hat. Look at how frustrated Kyle is. So frustrated. You're so wrong. He's Bill the Butcher.

He's based on a real-life character who looked like that, by the way. He's got a meat cleaver in one hand and a kitchen knife in the other, and he spends his spare time practicing on how to stab the vital organs of human beings with pig carcasses. He's like, hey, you see this here? This is where the liver is. You want to go in through the ribs. Through the ribs. Yeah, upward angle.

Yeah, you get the heart and the lungs that way. He's the epitome of a badass. Do you know why he's missing an eye in case you forgot that little bit i forgot he was missing an eye carry on he's all fucking eye out and sent it to the the priest he because because the priest beat him up he's like i couldn't look at him i couldn't look at him with my shame so i took i cut my own eye out the one that couldn't look at him and i sent it to him in a piece of paper like yeah You didn't notice he's missing an eye? He's got like a US...

It was like 25 years ago I saw that. When did that movie come out? I saw that movie in the theaters, Kyle. 2002. 2002. Alright. 16 years ago. That's been a hot second. I don't know. I disagree with you there. I thought he was like a supremely

badass character. Well, I need to see it again. He won an Oscar. He wasn't know. I disagree with you there. I thought he was a supremely badass character. Really? Well, I need to see it again. What an Oscar! He wasn't muscular. That was really what I was looking for, a guy that can out-fist fight everybody else. That's true, but he had that lithe, lanky, more skillful... He's got to out-stab everybody else.

Last time I watched that movie, I had to fast- forward through the firefighting scene because it was like the perfect example of a libertarian fireman oh yeah that's what would happen I just need to get through this the same way it was in

Rome where like fucking Nero's squad would be like hey you know I'll buy your house for really cheap otherwise I'm not putting this fire out fucker and it's like oh shit this didn't pan out you know libertarianism isn't totally useful you need some structures

like police and firefighters but yeah anyway the superhero thing I've been on my little superhero boycott since the first Avengers aside aside from deadpool i've seen deadpool uh and i saw guardians of the galaxy i liked guardians of the galaxy because it was like fun loving uh no i haven't seen the second one the first one i liked a lot though i thought it was just like a fun times like enjoy yourself movie really you guys thought

the second one was oh man i thought the second one really dropped the ball. No, wait, man, I love that. I love that opening scene, too, where Groot... They're all fighting the giant slime monster for something that didn't even matter, and then Groot is plugging in his fucking music and fucking dancing over there. I love that shit.

Groot is great. CGI is so good now that the possibilities are fucking endless. I thought he was a real tree at points. A real tree man. It had you sold. What I'm saying is when you look at him

he emotes. You know what Groot's thinking. You know what Groot's feeling. It's amazing. Same thing with this Planet of the Apes movies like the when you they zoom in on the eyes of the apes you're like is it a man is that a man in a costume no none of that's there that's Andy Serkis that's Andy Serkis all right all right fucking here we are is anything real is Elon Musk real is he one of those hologram people you know they uh was it at the super bowl the other day did they have a um

a uh prince the prince hologram yeah they had a prince hologram right they didn't watch the hologram they did a projection of him like on a giant tarp well that's weak yeah like dead men tell no tales you go to vegas of the caribbean you can watch fucking uh you know michael jackson like fucking doing his thing out there and it's a hologram looks real you seen that i i haven't i know that they did a tupac hologram a couple years ago right yeah is it like those uh spots in japan where they have the little anime girl popping up that you can take pictures with? You guys seen those?

I'm not even familiar with that. So there are anime, like cartoon characters you can take pictures with? You go and you stand in the right spot and she shows up on your picture. So it's like Pokemon Go. I assume you have to work the hover hands for these anime girls. Otherwise, you'll be inside them. Man. What a world.

Yeah. I'm hearing, Taylor, about the opportunity cost of the superhero movies, but I like the superhero movies too. I would like to see some more sci-fi horror movies. That's maybe my favorite genre.

Have you ever seen... I've seen that too. Okay, have you seen Event Horizon? Event Horizon? Have you ever seen Event Horizon Event Horizon Event Horizon That's the greatest sci-fi horror movie that's ever been made You'll scare the fuck out of me Event Horizon

It has Sam It has Sam Neill The guy from Jurassic Park The one who's like Look they've got dinosaurs Like the main guy 24% on Hot Tomatoes It's a great movie you know the one who's like ellie look they've got dinosaurs like the main guy and 24 on hot and tomatoes ignore that no it's great it's a great movie yeah it will scare the shit out of

you it's uh it's either on netflix or hulu um and uh or or might be on amazon um and it's got uh who's the guy from fucking um the black guy he's a matrix no i'm not asking you the black guy you think kevin hart matrix yeah kevin hart lawrence fishburne it's got lawrence fishburne in it it is scary as fuck really event horizon will fuck you up basically like this isn't a spoiler or anything it's a bit like the paradox movie that we should probably talk about next uh the uh the cloverfield paradox movie um they were they're testing this sort of uh warp drive uh in in this uh spaceship and what it did was it went to another dimension and it brought some shit back with it and it's just sort of out there derelict in space

and this crew goes out to see like where's this ship been for a couple years and where's it where did it go and how's it back and what happened to the crew and they get on board and weird shit starts happening and they start watching the crew logs of like all the shit that went down and it's dark and scary and pretty fucked up i i know it's got a 20 rotten Rotten Tomatoes or whatever. I may have seen this. I liked it too. Very bloody. Very bloody and gory at points. There's a lot of stuff that's cut out. I've done a lot of research about Event Horizon.

There's a whole gore rape orgy that was just completely cut out. When was it cut out? Completely before the movie ever came out yeah completely i i know it's already got like like some crazy gore orgy footage in there but there was but there was extended and as much there was a lot i went through like frame by frame and there's a scene of like these chick demons pounding a dude in the ass it's a height yeah

okay yeah yeah yeah all right in the ass maybe i haven't seen this i need to see that i yeah i watched cloverfield i got a couple things to say one in pkn taylor was or taylor kyle we're saying like it seems like they just take random shit and call it cloverfield like yeah yeah everyone want to uh how about a guy to sell it dude that's what they do. The second Cloverfield movie with John Goodman was a different screenplay called The Cellar, I think.

And then they just sprinkled some Cloverfield dust on it and made it part of the series. The third one was another screenplay that had been bought and passed around a couple of times. They sprinkled some Cloverfield dust on it and made it part of the Cloverfield story. That's interesting. I didn't know that. Yeah, they're literally doing that yeah and that's why it seems like that do you remember when taylor told this great story i think it was the fourth

lord or um game of thrones book and he listened to it on shuffle and he found it very confusing yeah yeah that was so confusing i was like god like i'm paying attention i'm just not tracking so i was watching cloverfield and i fell asleep and i didn't know for how long or what happened and i woke up and carbon effect had started auto playing and i'm really trying to put the pieces together like wait a minute is that the r Russian guy? His accent's gone, but he looks about the same to me. And I was confused as hell trying to put those two movies together. And I eventually

watched it again, and I'm like, I wasn't even part of this. But I saw Cloverfield now in full, and I liked it. I liked it more than Rotten Tomatoes said. Maybe it helped that Kyle kind of lowered my expectations. He said it was a six, and I thought that it said. Maybe it helped that Kyle kind of lowered my expectations. He said it was a six and I thought that it was. And it was

fun. I enjoyed it. I didn't know how it was going to end until it ended. There's nothing to write home about, but it was entertaining. It could have used a little more gore. It could have used removing that black girl's family plot. Didn't give a shit. Don't care if her children died

in a house fire that she caused don't care a bit don't care a bit i could have used just a tad bit more of her husband though with that little girl that was so like disjointed i was like wait wasn't he going to work why is he thinking why has he got this little white girl with him now where are they going who's this friend of his where's the bunker located are they still the city are they outside the city like you didn't get anything. I'm glad you said that, because I thought I was the only one who... I read about it afterwards, and now I understand that plot,

like, sort of subplot. But during the movie, I got lost, too. Yeah, I just didn't care. I was like, ugh, get back to the fucking interdimensional arms going into walls, and, like, let me see some more of this cool tech. I liked that. I liked their take on a bit of bit of like every day for the future future tech like right let that magnetic putty that they just sort of squirt on something and then hit it with a magnetic charge or

electrical charge and it sort of forms or titans or whatever it did i liked the 3d printed weapon that that guy like had the the program file for a 3d printed weapon so all guy had the program file for a 3D printed weapon. So all he had to do was have that and he could use the machine that made the gun. I don't know if you noticed, also made their food. There's like a replicator on those, but a little more plausible. Exactly. It's like a

3D, it's a matter 3D printer. So it could make you a rice cake or it could make you a semi-automatic handgun. So it could make you a rice cake or it could make you a semi-automatic handgun. And it supposedly took place, I think, 2028. Correct. Elon Musk has a lot of catching up to do if that's going to

happen in 10 years. Alternate universe 2028, probably not us. Have you guys ever had the guy who actually built the 3D printed gun? He's got the file that you're talking about, Kyle. What does he call it? who actually built the 3D printed gun. He's got the file that you're talking about, Kyle. What does he call it? Defense Distributed

Cody Wilson. It's a 3D printed gun, but the actual file is being... The ATF is trying to make that illegal. Trying to make that a registered item. Yeah, so he's fighting with them because it's like it's

just code like you can't make this is simultaneously a gun and like free speech because it's just written down yeah he's he's a really interesting dude but he takes it's like he's already living in that world like he takes it shit very seriously that everybody should just have a 3d printed uh that happens on computers you had him on your show, didn't you? Yeah, he's a cool guy. The thing I don't understand about that, though, is if you want to make a gun, just make a gun. It's legal to make guns. It's easy to make guns.

You get yourself an 80% lower little bit of tooling. Make yourself an AR-15 at home. You don't even have to get the 80% lower. If you're a smart guy, you've got a little bit more equipment. I'm talking about $10,000 worth of equipment. If you're a smart guy, you got a little bit more equipment, and I'm talking about like $10,000 worth of equipment. If you've got $3,000 worth of equipment,

which might sound like a lot, but hey, an AR-15 is a grand. You can make your own AR-15 from scratch in a little parts kit, right? The lower is the register piece. That's the hard piece. You can forge. There's a video of a guy making one out of aluminum cans. He just keeps melting aluminum cans down, makes himself an AR-15 lower, then puts a parts kit in it.

You can make guns even cheaper than that. Woody made YouTube videos of you making like a pipe shotgun. Home Depot part. I went to Home Depot. Look, I was making videos every day. It was not a high production quality thing. That's a good video. I'm glad you liked it. I liked it. It got featured on NPR.

Some guy found it and put it on the subreddit. It's going to get huge when the war breaks out. But yeah, you can go to Home Depot, buy some Black Pipe. I had to grind the outside edges of one of them so that it slid in better. And I made a homemade shotgun. It was pretty easy. Yeah, nothing to it. I think that's surprising to a lot of people that he's trying to force the question to.

What if everybody could just do it without knowing what you guys know. I promise it doesn't take a lot of smarts to do what I did. Very little. Very few moving pieces. Yeah, it's like the thing Woody made is literally like two pieces of pipe. Like one slides inside

the other and then the shotgun shell is just fitted in there so that when they slide together it punches the primer and fires you know it's it's i put a i sharpened a bolt and put it in it like you know you have black pipe the cap screws on well i just sharpened a bolt and welded the bolt in there so that wouldn't come out and it hits the little primer and shotgun does stuff yeah yeah blew through and i mean and there's and there's so many things that aren't considered firearms that you can get right there are air rifles that are 100 deadly you can shoot deer with right there they cost about the same as an ar-15 you can get them in 50 caliber 44 caliber

357 caliber and they shoot like i don't know exactly but close to a thousand feet per second maybe over with heavy projectiles you can kill a deer with it so i'm sure you can kill anything with it they make uh you know crossbows are fucking deadly now right like crossbows go 350 feet per second or something like that interesting thing about the air rifle that kyle pointed out is that because they're not firearms you can silence them because it's not even a suppressor because it's not on a firearm and you can get suppressed air right i saw it on demolition ranch it must be true and you can put a suppressor on a air rifle maybe because kyle and matt seem to disagree and uh it wasn't even an issue because it wasn't a firearm i mean maybe something changed but i remember like people were making suppressors for their paintball guns and atf was getting after

them like if you make it suppresses their paintball guns yeah i mean if some it's great their paintball guns and ATF was getting after them. Like if you... Yeah, I mean if some... It's great for paintball, right? They would just take their paintball barrel and they would port it. They would drill lots of holes in it and then they put a PVC pipe sort of over that and in between the pipe

and the barrel of the paintball gun that's ported, they would have like steel wool or fiberglass insulation to take that poof of pressure and disperse it and get rid of the sound. And ATF was going after those people. They go after any sort of suppression device that could be used for a firearm. So Matt might have been wrong on that. I mean, I don't know.

Maybe he knows something I don't. But that was definitely the story. And I've talked to him about that. That's always been a no-no. Better to ask forgiveness than permission. No, it's not. No, it's not. Not with the feds.

Yeah, not with the ATF, it's not. Ask permission. File paperwork. Hot your eyes. Hot your eyes and cross your teeth that's funny and what was the other thing I was thinking oh there's black powder pistols

I mean look I get it it's a black powder pistol but they're not guns you can go full on Jack Sparrow have like six of those motherfuckers all over you right click click click you could have a percussion cap pistol as you're

drunkenly walking around fox i was watching fox news just recently and they had a piece on how the someone's coming after the musket loaders and uh and the the people who said it and they fox news had a good point they're like you know when someone's proposing legislation around agriculture, they tend to be experts in agriculture. And when someone proposes legislation around automobile safety, they tend to be experts in that. But the people that propose legislation around firearms usually don't know fuck about firearms. And they're like, you know what? When the framers made the Second Amendment, these are the guns they were talking about.

These musket loaders. And they need to be covered by the Second Amendment, these are the guns they were talking about, these musket loaders. And they need to be covered by the Second Amendment because you could just get them. I don't know if you could get them without a license or maybe they're talking about – there's like a C&R license that maybe Kyle knows. Oh, you need a driver's license in Georgia. Oh, yeah? That's everywhere. If you're 18 years old, maybe 21 if it's a pistol. These things are not firearms.

18 years old, maybe 21 if it's a pistol, these things are not firearms. They are not covered under any sort of firearm jurisdiction, law framework, anything like that. So are cannons and mortars. If you want yourself a parrot gun that shoots a projectile this big around out of a goddamn cannon, you know? How does Curios and Relics license work?

You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, I have that book somewhere. Okay. I think... That's not related to this? Not exactly. All right, so my bowling ball mortar, right? It has to be a reproduction of something.

So it's technically a reproduction of a French 1812 field mortar. So it doesn't matter that it's made out of a settling tank cut in half, put on I-beams with wheels and a percussion cap to fire it. All that matters is the diameter of the bore, which is very similar to

like an 1812 French mortar. But there's lots of things like that that aren't covered by any sort of firearm law anywhere flamethrowers flamethrowers yeah flamethrowers uh from what i understand it may have changed um the reason that you can't get musk's flamethrower in california i think has nothing to do with the fact that it's a weapon right has nothing to do with the fact that it's a weapon it's it's a uh emissions uh law it's a weapon. It's an emissions law.

It's an environmental thing. It's the fact that you're burning that fuel like that, you know? That's funny. Good old California. Dick, is that where you are, California? Yeah, you have to give them your firstborn kid to get any of those guns that you're talking about, even just to have a picture of a gun.

If you want to draw a picture of a gun in your house, you've got to go register yourself as a felon. The registration for pictures of naked children is even worse, I assure you. Taylor just linked another... Taylor's got another fatty here. This guy is Bob Ross's chubby love child. He's got the afro.

He's got a little beard thing going on. And he's blurred out his nipples for some reason. He's got a chair of Snapchat filter, but he needs about 100 more of them. Yeah, you want those all over your body, those hearts. Just cover it up good. Yeah, definitely forge ahead on the weight loss path, sir. And connect the beard to the mustache.

Because otherwise you just look Amish. Yeah. Yeah. What are we going to do about that hair? Do we keep it? Celebrate it? Put a baseball cap on it? He's got to put some product in there and get that to do something other than being a Jew-fro. That is not a good look you have going on there.

Should he just copy my head? I think he can. Your hair looks very dry. Don't do what Woody has done to himself. I'm happy with my hair. I know you are. I am getting a kick of how he blurred his nipples out.

That's funny to me. Cut your hair. Put a shirt on. Dude, it is February. You have four months to become a better you before the weather gets warm out. That's true, and you're clearly a young guy. So now is the time to rebound. Don't let that fat sit there and become stretched out skin forever.

He's in Atlanta, and I noticed your profile picture has a Daniel Day-Lewis quote in it. It's not enough that I should succeed. Others should fail. That's from There Will Be Blood. I want for no one else to succeed. I just got another tweet from someone named Harry who goes, Jesus, fuck, there are a lot of fat people who watch PKA. I'm looking at this guy's profile picture next to the smiling one he sent in and it's like the tragedy and comedy

masks except they're both tragedy I thought we were roasting these guys of course we are dude I got one of a dude who's shredded out of his mind who linked it just to be He's way thinner in his profile picture. His face is.

You can't tell with profile pictures like that. Oh, look at this guy. This guy, Aaron, was trying to show off a bit. And you know what? If I had abs like that, I would show off too. Yeah, he's fit. Solid abs and biceps.

Is he fresh out of the gym? Look at those forearms. Great definition everywhere. Very symmetrical. Looking good, my friend. I could have done without him pulling his pants down for the photo. I'm hiding something. He's hiding some kind of penis outline by doing that. I'd like him pulling his pants down for the photo. Yeah. No, no. I'm hiding something.

He's hiding some kind of penis outline by doing that. I'd like him to pull them down a little more, quite frankly. I'd like to see a little root. No. I saw Chris Pratt talking about exercising, and they're like, hey, what was the biggest transition to that? He's like, I lost my personality. For a while, I became like a total gym bro talking about how I lifted this and that. And he's like,

I had to get back and stop being such a douche. The pull down pants thing. I can't get on board with, you know, like, look, everyone would have thought you look good. This isn't a picture he took for you.

It was not being a douche though. It's like, man, I just like got caught up in this brand new hobby that made me feel good and happy. And so I wanted to talk about it with people, but then it made fat people feel guilty and so they you know implied that i'm a douche because of it and so i became myself again it's like no you just you got into fitness and so you felt better and so you talked about it more like it's i sincerely doubt i can't picture chris

pratt not like i know him but he seems like a good guy like it doesn't seem like he'd be like a muscle-bound cunt like sneering at people people. He was probably just talking about his routine or his new records or stuff he was excited about. Could be too much, though. You can lose friends into hobbies like that. All of a sudden, they're just all about working out. It's like work stories. You get any job, any any job no matter how exciting

you think it is you got one work story a day and that's it and it better have a beginning a middle and an end or that's or you're in work story time out for a week have you ever had i like your i like your policy i think that's a great policy as well. I agree with Woody. But do you ever get annoyed when people try and parlay their work story into like a pitch to you where like maybe they're like an insurance agent or something? And so they'll start talking about their day and then they'll just happen to bring up like, so what's your life insurance like? I was talking to that old guy like,, what a crazy story. Like, what's yours like? What's your car insurance? What's your home, you know, whatever? And it's like, God, you're not fooling me. You're trying to

trick me into buying something right now. Dude, the worst is Facebook. So your friends may be young and immune to this, but if you get 40, oh my God, half the women on Facebook are just pitching their, like, herbal life or herbal life or some sort of candle or like whatever the fuck it is they're trying to sell it's like i live 600

miles from you don't even try it and i'm a guy oh my god like you're shamelessly pitching this multi-level marketing bullshit i feel a little sad for you. No one makes money doing that. No one's making real money being a level in someone else's multi-level marketing scheme. Stop. They don't have money. They just trade Tupperware, jewelry, and vitamins. They have parties where they all buy each other's vitamins, and they'll have another party where they all buy each other's jewelry, and then they trade it.

It's a different sort of economy than we have like a South Park episode menus crypto menus bitcoins women use multi-level marketing that has no end it's like an irabara some scams to get into multi-level marketing that I mean the only people making money are the people who invent these fucking horse shit programs. And there's so many of them that people aren't even aware of. Mary Kay is one.

Mary Kay Cosmetics. People act like that's, oh yeah, that's Mary Kay. They drive the pink Cadillacs when they sell enough. Yeah, when they rip enough of their friends off by putting them under them. They get up. It should be illegal.

That's the thing that needs to be – that and religions need to be – need somebody coming in. And it gradually, like, sucks their whole family. I know exactly what you're talking about, Woody. Like, the wife will get into it, and then I've had – like, she'll get into it. I was like, okay, so your wife's doing, like, a scam thing. Let's just you and me see eye to eye on this so we can keep having this open dialogue that I like having with you? That is a scam, correct? And then another couple weeks will go by, and he's like, oh, you know, it's actually, I've started taking the vitamins,

and I have noticed that I'm getting quite a bit taller, and my dick is going, like, you better fucking watch it. I'm starting to lose you into the... Don't you... Your money and your soul do not have to be together. This is not a good thing that you're promoting at this MLN scheme. I judge so fucking fast on it.

I was like, oh, you're putting all your effort into multi-level marketing scam. That tells me two things. One, you're quite ambitious and trying really hard two you're really bad at it and you're wasting your time and money like it oh my god you've just outed yourself as a aggressive terrible businessman yeah you're a rube i like to have a delicious you're the person who would have been standing right next to the salesman cart being like this is what's going to fix sarah's

jiggly legs let's get it you know like they get that shit like you're right kyle it should borderline be illegal but if you had a very ambitious friend who was starting a multi-level marketing company and and you knew like that he's a good businessman because the people who run these things are smart enough to fool people oh yeah and and he said i want to get you in on this not as some guy as one of the tippy top people like do this like if you fool like three ambitious idiots the you're they're high enough up that they'll actually have incentive because it's level two and then from there you could actually if you're one of the number top two people you could actually make money exploiting people of course you do it don't they only go down like twice like i don't think they extend to the very bottom of the pyramid to the top oh i i don't i've

never done a marketing scheme i always thought the like down line was like the kind of jokey word of like they go down like every level and you get like a small percentage of each i feel like if you're in those like that top echelon though you can make a lot of money off of you know rubes i think there's so there's a lot of levels and everybody's getting paid i'm sure there's different ways to do it but my understanding was like kind of you get money from the people you recruit and then you get money from the people they recruit and then it stops like it doesn't just infinitely go down because it depends on the specific one uh jizz is saying like if you're selling juice or if you're selling cosmetics or if you're selling tupperware or or you know you're selling

amway or whatever like they're all different they make it more complicated so you can't understand it when you're being sold it like the more complicated they make the downline procedures the more they can just lie about it like oh well that's not you must have misunderstood yep yeah that's not exclusive to multi-level marketing that's how a lot of firms sell themselves so yeah to answer your question i would be part of one you know from the beginning if it were like a legitimate product like like mary kay is a legitimate product tupperware is a legitimate product but like if it's something if it's some sort of like energy juice if we're selling like aca berry juice or something crazy like that and promising like that it's going to cure cancer and take this on your

skin you won't age yeah if it's something that's literally telling lies to people i i wouldn't want to be part of that i wouldn't okay what if it's figuratively telling lies. Wait a minute. Like, it might make you live longer. Oh, studies have shown. Oh, studies have shown. Non-independent, non-verifiable studies, you know, in our back room have shown that I'm still alive, and I drink this berry juice every day.

I wouldn't want to take advantage of someone's neediness or something like that. Yeah, me either. want to take advantage of someone's neediness or something like that. If someone's sick... In times like these, I start feeling a little down. A little PKA Cola always cheers me up, though.

Man, I wish I had... Do you guys want to start a multi-level marketing thing and then just see how it goes with the fans? How about some neck-thickening salve? a multi-level marketing thing, and then just see how it goes with the fans. Would it be... How about some neck-thickening salve? Well, you need a neck-thickening agent that turns you red.

Red people, red strong people. More blood flow to the brain. Your IQ will automatically increase by 10 to 15 points. It's unverifiable. Believe me. That in conjunction with no fluoride will turn you into a different man. Joe Rogan sold

a brain smartening thing, right? One of the on it things. Joe Rogan has fallen for every scam that's ever been slid across his desk. I think Joe Rogan made bucks on it. I'm just guessing because he kept doing it. But yeah, I remember like Brendan Schwab and

Brian Callahan, they're all there yeah after i take one of those pills i do seem smarter for about 90 minutes jesus really no you don't this isn't that bradley cooper is that his name movie yeah yeah where uh where you take a pill and suddenly you're limitless limitless yeah yeah but yeah joe rogan he's uh Yeah. But yeah, Joe Rogan, he does the brain pills, and Alex Jones does the brain pills too. Yep. Where the nootropics, which are like, talk to any, I don't know, neurologist, and they'll be like, no. No, you're not eating horny goat weed and getting any benefit from that. Are you retarded? Yes, I need more goat weed and getting any benefit from that. Are you retarded? Yes, I need more goat weed.

Well, I just spent $60 on this 30-day supply of InfoWars goat weed. I've got some horny goat weed in my supplement box over there. Don't be discounting the horny goat weed. It's in every pill of the Rhino 50K. You're getting a massive load, pos load of horny goat. Kyle and I took a bootleg dick pills from China just to try them out.

And I don't, I don't think any of it produced. Wait, like a bootleg dick growing pill or a bootleg Viagra? No, like a Viagra. Like an erection pill. I don't think any of the things that they said that were in that pill were in that pill.

There were literally words misspelled on the packaging. It was called Rhino 50K and it was just a giant horse pill in this thing with like a hollow foil rhino in the back and it was supposed to give you like a very hard erection. And it didn't.

It just made my face hot. Which is probably my body saying. You probably got it mixed up. And that's why the election season was so hard. Because you took those pills. Fuck. There it is. Somebody sent one to me.

Like my address isn't hard to like Google and stuff and we were talking about it and one came in the mail so i'm like baby let's give this a go and she was like no way what she yeah what does she think he wanted to do sprinkle it on her vagina like like she has no input in this you're like no i'm gonna take this pill and fuck you like like what does this have to do with you? Why even ask? I don't tell women what I'm taking it. I didn't know what it was. Like, we sort of opened the envelope together, and she's like, what is that?

And I was like, I know what this is. We talked about it on the show. Kyle and Taylor taking it. Supposed to get, you know, massive erections and loads and stuff like that. And she's like, no, no. You're not taking random pills that pka fans sent you someone some poor fellow out there wasted loads it's part of it right it's like a fire hose

look at the commercial i don't think that it was a load thing i think it was just supposed to it's supposed to be viagra no no no No, no, no. It maximizes the time of intercourse. You will be free from premature ejaculation. You will have better ejaculation control. No limits. You'll maximize the volume of ejaculate.

Amazing increase in thickness. Look at the shape of those fingers. You will maximize in length, width, and a word that's blurred out that might be stamina uh you'll experience rock hard erections maximize sexual confidence maximize intense explosive orgasms which and it's guaranteed enhancement apparently yeah that's like 10 things in a list that was just mostly three things repeated. This is a side effect. Fuck up your finger!

Kyle's stretchy man fingers. That's a tough one. Kyle has horrible fingers and toes. Yeah. What is the condition called? Swan neck deformity. Swan neck deformity. Swan neck deformity.

That's an elegant thing for something that gross. Thank you. Thank you, Taylor. Watch it. It's going to pop. He shuddered. Yeah. Definitely don't do that. Most people don't. My toes I definitely don't do that. Yeah, most people don't.

Yeah, my toes do all kinds of crazy stuff. I'm very petted, Dexterous. One of the first times I ever met you, Kyle, when we were on that paintball trip, met you in person, we were sitting in that paintball room, and for some odd reason, we'd come back from a game,

we were sitting there drinking water, and you were like, like hey anybody want to see me walk on my toes and i was like i guess like i've seen many many men walk on their toes many many times it's not special and then kyle gets on his feet and he does like a little jump where he rolls all of his toes under his foot like a fist and in like the way you'd crack your toes and then with both feet and then walks around on it, like some sort of perverse T-Rex, like crushing your feet. Like it was,

I got it. On the other side of his toes, the rest of that, that trip, it was, it was gross. Like, this is,

this is the cool gun guy. Like, God, this guy's a fucking weirdo. He's like, what the fuck? This is the cool gun guy? Do you want to watch me walk on my toes? He's like, god, this guy's a fucking weirdo. People usually get a kick out of that. Kyle, can you do penis stretching stuff too? No, I don't do any penis stretching stuff. I don't have any weights or pulleys or hoists or tackle and block or anything crazy like that. No penis stretching.

No. In my repertoire, no. I can walk on my toes and my fingers are bendy, and those are my unique talents. Well, you know, it's a nice line of... Do you? Are you with the penis? No. I can't stretch anything.

No, I don't have a bunch of cock stretching equipment i thought you know maybe you might maybe we can maybe connect on that how to do that cool stuff yeah you know no big deal so taylor where do you find interesting content on twitter like i followed people and they're all mostly boring. Is there a way to search out good stuff on Twitter? It's about who you follow? Yeah. Oh, it's all about who you follow. Well, you only follow one person, I think.

I don't think I follow anyone anymore. Yeah. And so if you don't follow anyone, Twitter is going to be boring. That explains it. I follow a lot of political people. And then the bulk of my following is probably hockey and fitness stuff. But what's the fun? Is it what they say or what people say? Like, their replies to what they say? Most of the fun isn't, like, on Twitter itself.

It's more just, like, you'll see an interesting article pop up from, like, Muscle & Fitness or something. And you'll be like, oh, okay, yeah, neat. I wouldn't have found this if not for Twitter. Some people spend, like, all day writing jokes. Like, some people make it their career. You know, one-line writers who are, like, endeavoring to work on a late show, they'll just fill their feed with topical one-liners. It's fun for a look while you're taking a shit, you know? It's not a high bar of entertainment.

That guy Wint. That's how I use Reddit. That guy Wint is fun. W-I-N-T? Yeah. I'll link him. Because it's just stupid random bullshit. And you get a little giggle out of that.

Yeah, I like Twitter. Twitter is my favorite social media site. Because I don't use Facebook. I have an Instagram that I use to post smarmy pictures of me saying ridiculous stuff about kale at Whole Foods. But it's not actually me. It's more just being cunty. It's fun to fuck with people on there too.

Or talk to them or whatever. However you engage with people. You mean it was fun. Yeah. I hope you make another Twitter account. Come back. I do. Stand with Dick. Oh, stand with Dick. Then I need to follow you again. I had no idea. Twitter account. Come back. I do. I have stand with dick.

Oh, stand with dick. Then I need to follow you again. I had no idea. Yeah, be on there. But now you're neutered compared to before. You don't bully people all the time. Yeah, now I have to be extremely- The $20 million man.

Yeah, that's how much I'm getting sued for. The only acceptable way to beef with people in this, like, gentrified online atmosphere is extreme sarcasm. So you can't say, like, why don't you kill yourself or something like that. You have to say, like, well, I just hope you have a really terrific life with your family with that attitude. Lol, lol, LMFAO, dot, dot, dot, hearts, you know yeah it doesn't sound like my cup of tea you have to be like chelsea chelsea manning on twitter where it's all just her like tweeting

clearly mentally ill things being like hashtag we got this and it's like a picture of a rainbow and it's like you're you're an actual traitor like you're like we're just throwing around so much you're kind of r1 but no one has more fun with emojis than chelsea manning no no she is having a wonderful time are the most followed people fun to follow like is justin bieber still first or beyonce or whatever i don't know i don't uh i don't follow those people like i said like twitter is what you make it like just follow all the people you're interested in like if you like paul like i know you like politics a lot what do you follow a lot of people on the right and left and then you can like yeah like you get a pretty even thing

like i follow more people on the left than the right just because the nature of media like there's way more over there but then like you follow a bunch of fitness stuff if that's what you're into or you follow for me a bunch of stuff. So I'm reading hockey stuff all day. I only follow Trump. Flyers are playoff bound right now. Last time I looked, if the season ended today, they'd make the playoffs. It's like, holy smokes, really?

Lord Stanley's Cup? We're going? Lord Stanley's Cup. I know Dick's a huge hockey fan being from California and half Mexican. You're making some assumptions there. We're not too bad as I hear it. Aren't the Kings still respectable?

The Californians have one of the best teams. That's what I thought. LA's doing all right. Pretty middle of the road, but still. I'm looking for this Twitter account for you, Woody, that's like, it's paintings, classical paintings with meme talk on them. There's some cool accounts like that

where like a historical picture of the day and... Oh, yeah, lots of good history stuff too. Yeah. Where it's like, you know, World War II history or this date in history and stuff like that where they'll just tweet cool pictures of like, hey, this is what some protest in Paris in 1904

or something. And it's usually with an article along with it that you can kind of learn more. It's neat. Yeah, there you go. Classic art memes. Before we wrap the show, what are the opinions on the military parade Trump wants to do? Waste of money.

Does he want to get out all the missiles and stuff and do like a Soviet-style missile? Apparently, he went to France where they did, I guess what you call a Soviet-style sort of military parade. He was inspired by it. He thought it was awesome and that we should do it too. I know that he, as a candidate, I think he mentioned that he wanted to do it as well.

You know, it seems like a waste of money like taylor said uh it seems like i mean isn't the country about the the country about to shut down again federal uh federal government about to shut down again i don't think so i know they see no agreement i'm not sure about how the votes have been going 90 minutes according to chis yeah that it just seems like a needless waste of money is all i think about it like i mean like all of his moves it seems like something set up to provoke a reaction like once as soon as he puts that out there anybody who criticizes it he can call un-american like the same way he hammered the nf he's got to get re-elected he's got a he's got a yeah he's got to nullify the effect of celebrities he's got to constantly promote the economy like the blue collar job increase and he he has got to seriously um undermine

the authority of black celebrities amongst... Because that's the huge swing demo. That and the Ohio and the Pennsylvania states that he got a hold of. So I would imagine he's doing something like that. Just setting a trap for... Setting a trap to call people un-American who criticize it at all.

It sucks. It's a big waste of money. I mean, all of his military shit is too bad. How much would it cost though. It's a big waste of money. I mean, all of his military shit is too bad. How much would it cost, though? It's a parade, right? That's what I wonder, too. It'll probably be really hard to measure. Yeah, I guess it depends on the scale of how big this thing would be. He's looking for it to be ginormous.

Oh, really? A parade that embarrasses every other parade. Okay, well, then that would be a huge waste of money, it seems like, right? I don't even know what it costs to move things around. Hopefully it's near D.C. already. That's where I picture it going, you know, down the avenue. I want planes in the air doing fucking 360s and barrel

rolls. I want some Captain... I don't want the government creating traffic. I'm fucking tired of this. No, enough is enough. You don't need to get your jollies off, like marching through the street or whoever wants it. Trump wants it. No, get rid of it.

What if they create another day off? Oh. Trump's miss. Do we get the day off? I think so, to watch the parade. Trump day. Then, hooray! Yeah. That is all that it takes for me to go from total waste of bullshit Parade. Trump Day. Then, parade! Yeah. Right?

That is all that it takes for me to go from total waste of bullshit money to, I'm not going to go. I'm going to enjoy my day off. But, yeah, do it. Do it. Yeah, right? If we get a day off, I'm totally down with the military parade. Do it every year. Yeah.

I will say, they used to do a B-2 bomber flyover on Dodger Stadium on opening day every year. So you get that big floating triangle. Like all of a sudden the stadium would be in Chavez Ravine would be dark. And this huge black Triforce like a set of a science fiction movie would just cruise over it. You don't know how high it is because it's all black. And it is weirdly silent silent for a plane for something that size to be scares as shit there's like a hush that falls over the ground it's very cool um for some reason they replaced it with the police helicopter

formation that now flies around which is the opposite, because they're the same people that stopped us from tailgating in the parking lot. So now, instead of, like, a sick monument to human, you know, technology that even is a waste of money, it's still really fucking cool. They've just got these jackbooted oppressors flying around who are looking for beer the whole

time, and it fucking sucks, and it's a major black eye on the whole day. So, if it's anything like that i think the military parade will be cool because the b2 thing was cool okay i don't have strong feelings on people talk about the waste of money but i i don't know anything about this but i suspect it's a drop in the bucket like it's not that expensive to do a parade i don't know i have no idea yeah it just seems like a waste well i mean even just as much as the money thing is the traffic thing you're just causing problems for people that isn't needed

some person's gonna miss an appointment or not be able to have their fun saturday because you had to have your you know traipsing about with ar-15s i'm dick mentioned it was a trap for people to do whatever maybe i'm falling into it i'm just like oh my god like the military thing like i get it i get it in Vietnam, they came home. People spat on them. They didn't like them. That was terrible, and that was wrong. I get that.

Now, Trump said, like, you know, our military doesn't get thanked enough. Are you fucking serious? Are you fucking serious? Like, there's Labor Day. There's Memorial Day. There's Fourth of July where we throw parades for them three times a year. They fucking get it. We pay the NFL to thank them.

Every sports game, I went to a Blues game like a month ago, and they were like, and here's our servicemen of the evening. Yeah, exactly. We're here to watch a hockey game, and that bitch probably was answering phones. I took an airplane back in August, and the guy fucking walks into economy class,

and everyone's saluting and thanking him for what he does. Thank you so much for what you did. We're going to fly over to your house so you can wave to your wife early before you even get there. Yeah, no, trust me. Oh, and by the way, I don't know if you guys have any friends in the military. I do. Discounts everywhere. Everywhere discounts. They don't know if you guys have any friends in the military. I do. Discounts everywhere. Everywhere discounts.

They don't get paid enough. Well, they only live on like half of what we take because everywhere they go, discounts out the wazoo. They give you free guacamole at Chipotle if you say you're in the military. What? That's a step too far. No, no, no. You don't have to be in the military. You just have to say it.

You could be the spouse of a military man or or woman you get discounts at auto you also get those yeah everywhere it's my god that's the thing and uh um so yes i i don't think we need a parade on the justification that the military isn't thanked enough uh that that one doesn't ring true to me yeah definitely not well I hope they do it because it'll give me something to look at I mean I want to see it I do I want to see it better be fucking awesome

right I want tanks I want so many fucking tanks so many military vehicles I want rocket launchers I want guys walking around with like RPGs or something during this parade i'll be very angry they're like hey california's undefended right now but uh robot dogs like freakish terminator robot dogs going around like oh fuck i don't know we had those we spent 10 times more money americans have left

if our military is the cost of the next whatever it is, seven or ten militaries combined, then our parade better be outstanding. Otherwise, I'm just not getting what I paid for. What if Trump is riding on the lead tank, like straddling the gun? I want that just for the visual. I want it too.

Oh, the memes. That'll be a meme that lasts for a hundred years Riding a nuke He'd look like Dukakis No I picture him straddling the big gun With a 12 foot cock A big iron 12 foot erection That'd be funnier Wearing an Uncle Sam costume

Full Uncle Sam costume Top hat and all red white With his hair blowing every which way. He's wearing a Trump mask and then he gets to the end and then peels it off and it's him underneath. I would love that. I would love that.

Oh, that's funny. I wonder if it'll happen. It appears that politicians on both sides are saying it's a bad idea so maybe that'll dissuade him, but who knows? If it's the sort of thing where he can just kind of sign a piece of paper and boom, we get a Trump day and a Trump parade, then it's probably happening. Yeah. I don't care if we have a national pedophile day if I get off work.

Right? This one's, you know... Isn't that Easter? Oh! Nicely played. We can end the show right on that, calling out the Catholics. I like that.

Painkiller already, episode 373. Do we have any outros? You know, check out our sponsors, Movable Watches, Casper Mattresses. Dick, plug your things Tell everybody where they can find you Go to thedickshow.com Patreon.com slash thedickshow

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